《Sailing Ether Tides》 Ch: 1 Scuppered Sailing Ether Tides Book: 1 MissAdventures with Admiral Amy Ch: 1 Scuppered. Amy Ward, Pirate Princess of the Shallow Sea took a deep breath, filling her lungs with wet, sticky air. ¡°Wilf, rig for action, get that dunnage secured! Rio, get ready! Prepare to come about!¡± Her crew hopped to their stations and did it smartly¡­ her wide smile of approval made her dark cheeks redden around two bright, plum purple dimples. Her plump, pink, dusky lips, bared in a hungry smile, predator¡¯s gaze and ridiculous tricorn hat seemed fit for the lead in a stage play, rather than guiding a small boat through a dark swamp, hunting a monster. The rest of her was all business. Her unique seafarer¡¯s armor of triple knit trapdoor spidersilk and enchanted wooden laminate plates was functional and well fitted, and ready for battle. Also ready for business was a heavy naval arbalest, mounted amidships with Rio manning the enormous crossbow. ¡°Port side, off the bow¡­¡± Wilf called from near the tall, majestic horsie figurehead of Adventure yacht, Seahorse, sailing out of Wheatford. With a loud *Clack*, a yard long, inch thick, miniature spear went hurtling across the marsh, too swift to be perceived by mundane human eyes. Something enormous bellowed a terrible cry of pain and rage into the wetland, sending birds winging skyward for a mile around. A tall, slim young man with dark skin and a close cropped nest of jet black, kinky curls tipped his weapon forward until it clicked loudly. With a quiet grunt, the lightly armored youth of around sixteen brought his weapon back up and fired again, sending another horrific roar into the sky. ¡°It¡¯s big! Really big.¡± Wilf called out from the bow. ¡°Head for deep water!¡± He leapt to the deck with a surprisingly graceful movement, especially considering the heavy armor of bloody red and golden amber striated, haunted plumwood he wore. ¡°Deep water?¡± Amy called back. ¡°Are you sure?¡± Wilf nodded, since his mouth was busy. He bit the python hide fingertip of his armored gauntlets and pulled them off, tucking them carefully away on his belt. He brought his favorite weapon up and began to work his foe¡¯s ending in sweet, piercing notes of music. ¡°Really Wilf? Down under?¡± Rio sighed as he brought his weapon up and began to tap and thump on the wooden box of his crossbow mount, keeping time for his younger brother. Traveling in a fried out kombi, On a hippy trailhead full of zombies! Amy sang brightly, her sweet voice drawing songs from the reptiles, birds and insects that either weren¡¯t smart enough or weren¡¯t able to flee. Rio drew another yard long shaft from his supply, he checked the leather fletchings, sighted his weapon and satisfied himself that it was suitable¡­ ¡°Pfft.¡± Amy blew a raspberry at him, between verses. ¡°Papa made those, they¡¯re fine.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just nervous¡­¡± Her brother grumbled. ¡°We won¡¯t get in trouble¡­¡± Wilf muttered around his flute, Forest¡¯s Breath. ¡°It¡¯s hunting us.¡± He murmured, before picking his tune back up. ¡°Yeah¡­ it¡¯s hunting us.¡± Amy said with a little too much conviction. ¡°Amy¡­¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°This was supposed to be a training journey. I¡¯m not registered as an Adventurer, yet.¡± ¡°Well, then don¡¯t ¡®Venture¡­ you can just play the flute while we kill¡­ it¡­¡± Her words trailed off into shocked silence as something enormous staggered into view among the trees and reeds. Twenty feet tall and roughly humanoid, a nightmare amalgam of swamp muck, moss, plant matter and human bones staggered into sight. ¡°Gahh!¡± Rio yelled angrily at his sister. ¡°Not again!¡± He growled. ¡°We aren¡¯t rated for class D threats! They¡¯re gonna suspend us for a month!¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna get demerits before I get my badge.¡± Wilf grumbled unhappily, as he pressed the flute back to his lips and glared at Amy. She cut her little boat around, leaving a roostertail of spray in the sunshine that filtered through the trees. She motored for the deep channels where the mangroves ended, as Rio hurled another bolt into the thing¡­ Drawing out another world shaking roar of insensate fury. ¡°Keep it interested, we need it to follow us.¡± Wilf shouted over the thunder of water against their hull, as the twenty foot long wooden boat skipped over the smooth surface of the swamp. ¡°I¡¯m really mad at you, Amy!¡± ¡°My guy said it was a bog crawler¡­ not¡­ whatever that is!¡± Amy grumbled back at him. She slowed the little wooden motorboat to keep the thing pursuing them, as the water rose to its knees, its hips, then higher. It slowed as the absorbent materials grew waterlogged and heavy. Silt churned up from the bottom in its wake as the creature waded after them swiping with ten foot long arms of thorny wood and bone fragments ¡°Your ¡®guy¡¯?¡± Rio demanded archly. ¡°You mean Reegil¡­¡± Amy dug deep, pouring more of her rapidly depleting Mana into the latest model of Wardco Ringmotor?. She heeled the little boat around again, drawing the thing out into the slow flowing river channel. ¡°He¡¯s usually spot on!¡± She grumbled. ¡°That¡¯s why we should have brought Frankie!¡± ¡°No!¡± Wilf shouted angrily, a rare display from the taciturn lad. ¡°He¡¯s not even fifteen yet, Amy¡­ and he isn¡¯t even an orphan!¡± ¡°Neither are we!¡± She shot back. ¡°Orphans, I mean¡­¡± ¡°Amy¡­ I¡¯m with Wilf.¡± Rio said very carefully, as he tipped his crossbow forward to recock it with the occult device the massive weapon was mounted to. The young warrior was sweating and looking shaky as he brought his magical artillery piece back into line. ¡°What did you bring, Amy? I know you filched something from papa.¡± He held out his hand to the girl at the tiller expectantly. She smiled shyly and pulled a bright white arrow of terrifying size from her sleeve, where it could never have fit. ¡°Thunderstruck¡­¡± She said with a grin. ¡°He¡¯s gonna be super pissed.¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°Does he even know we have the boat?¡± ¡°Of course!¡± Amy called to the armored warrior lad in the bow. ¡°I told him we were going camping in Wicklowe¡¯s cove!¡± ¡°We are camped there¡­¡± Rio muttered, as he fitted the bolt into his weapon with a sigh. ¡°We¡¯re in huge trouble no matter how this works out, Amy.¡± The boat slid out into a small open bay, ringed by huge golden mangroves and hugging the Shallow Sea with long, sand bar arms. A trio of colorful cottages stood by the waterside, next to a short wooden pier that had seen far better days. Out in the open water, the creature roared again and turned to retreat back among the trees and tall reeds of the swamp. Wilf dropped his beloved flute, letting it hang from a cord around his neck as he and Rio both placed their hands on the gleaming white shaft of whatever exotic material their half mad father had found and enchanted. ¡°Amy!¡± Wilford Ward barked at his older sister, when he got a good look at the arrow in question. ¡°This thing¡¯s dangerous!¡± ¡°That is kinda the whole point¡­¡± Rio murmured, as he sighted on the lumbering giant¡¯s back. *Clack* The white arrow shot out in a twinkling blur of sparkling dust and a faint, eerie feeling that raised every hair on the little boat¡¯s crew, making them all stand straight out, even Rio¡¯s. ¡°Bring us around, get some distance!¡± Wilf shouted, as the giant felt the weapon strike it full in the back. It roared and turned on the boat in renewed rage, already chest deep and moving more quickly. ¡°It can swim!¡± Amy was shaking and gasping as she slammed Seahorse into a sharp turn and cut for open water. ¡°Rio, take the helm¡­¡± Wilf called, before he noticed that Rio was also nearly unconscious from Mana drain. He rushed aft and took the tiller from Amy¡¯s trembling, senseless hand. He eased her onto the deck and took control himself, motoring for the cove entrance as fast as he could manage. ¡°I¡¯m pretty mad right now, Amy.¡± He sighed to the nearly unconscious girl at his feet. Behind them, the creature had become a small island of flotsam and filth, undulating across the water¡¯s surface unwholesomely, in pursuit of the boat. Slowly, almost imperceptibly a soft whine began, not so much a sound, as a vibration in everything. The sensation built until a loud buzzing crackle rang out, followed by an ear shattering roar and a flash of lightning, reaching up from the creature and into the clear sky above. Clots of smoking, smoldering filth rained down on the sea and the tiny boat, splatting onto the water and deck in reeking piles. Wilf turned the boat about and slowly motored back into the cove and to the battered and sagging pier. ¡°You guys gotta clean the boat¡­ we are in so much trouble¡­¡± He grumbled at his sleeping siblings. ¡°Hey! You went ¡®Venturing without me!¡± Frankie grumbled, when they returned to the little cluster of cottages, both older teens leaning on fifteen year old Wilf. ¡°Yeah¡­ and we¡¯re good and busted for it too.¡± The stocky young warrior grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m gonna be up ¡®til almost midnight calling in scavengers to eat all that crud.¡± Franklin Knubbel grinned and shook his head. ¡°My cousin Dean runs woolcrabs just up the coast¡­ They¡¯ll love this stuff.¡± He nudged a pile of the crud with the toe of his shoe and nearly gagged at the maggot riddled clot of rotting fish inside. ¡°Gross, what was it?¡± ¡°Undead flesh and rotting filth, cobbled together under the influence of a malign spirit.¡± A sweet, chirping, chittering voice called from the shore. ¡°A bog ratling grown too large and haunted by a remnant ghost of humankind and a monstrous infestation¡­¡± A sleek, long, brown furred creature slipped from the water and stood up on two stubby legs, balanced by a wide, muscular tail. The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Something you should not have been sent after¡­¡± She purred with a hint of acid in her tone. ¡°Streeka!¡± Amy gasped in joy, despite her exhausted state and the general disgustingness of the local area. ¡°Yes¡­ I have been watching¡­ and listening. I will report what I heard to your parents, Amy.¡± She scolded the young woman in her language of coos, sharp barks and chitters. ¡°Courage is a virtue, but it hangs around with ¡®Stupid¡¯ too often for comfort.¡± ¡°Awww¡­ But Streeka¡­¡± She whined pitifully. ¡°You knew better, but you chose to listen to Reegil¡­ That greasy sack of fishbait has his own agenda and is not to be trusted.¡± She barked at the girl, slapping her tail on the sand for emphasis. ¡°Now, show me your baths¡­ I have rotting filth in my fur!¡± # ¡°I can¡¯t believe our folks had you follow us¡­¡± Amy complained. ¡°Where¡¯s the trust?¡± She and Rio were in the bath with Streeka, shaman of the otter tribe of the Meeting Waters, while Wilf and Frankie went to visit the local crab herder, on Seahorse. She stretched her long otter body in the steaming pool and sighed happily. ¡°It¡¯s been too long since I bathed in these waters¡­¡± She popped one golden eye open and glared at the dark skinned and slender girl strumming a guitar on the curb of the bath, dangling her feet in the water. ¡°You¡¯re still in trouble, girlie.¡± ¡°Aww¡­¡± She sulked. ¡°Reegil said it was just a bog crawler¡­¡± ¡°A bog crawler is still outside your remit as apprentices. You should have fled and reported it to the guild immediately.¡± She chirped unhappily. ¡°If you had not managed to destroy it¡­ I have no arms nor arts that could have aided you.¡± ¡°We had it handled¡­¡± Wilf muttered, as he slipped into the baths with an exhausted sigh. ¡°I had a few hundred hermit crabs and crawdaddies eating it from below¡­ we would have just had to kite it up the shore a ways until it gave out.¡± ¡°And if your Mana ran dry? What? Try to use your heads¡­¡± She grumbled. ¡°Your father¡¯s influence¡­¡± ¡°Our teamwork sucks, Amy.¡± Rio complained from his favorite spot under the waterfall. ¡°No viable intelligence, slipshod planning and terrible communication¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°We¡¯re in for it and we deserve it¡­ well, not Wilf or Frankie¡­¡± He looked around their little camp and smiled. ¡°Amy, don¡¯t be in such a hurry¡­ the world won¡¯t run out of monsters before we¡¯re ready.¡± ¡°Hmph¡­¡± She sniffed at him, but he could tell; she knew how close they¡¯d come to disaster. ¡°Easy for you to say¡­ you¡¯ve got badges and been on Adventures already¡­¡± Frankie grumbled. ¡°Yeah, what about Benny and Maya? Stuck at the palace all the time¡­¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°Not everybody wants to spend all their time wandering the woods, Wilf.¡± Amy remarked with a grin. He glanced around their camp and grinned at her, the way papa always did when he was the only one who was going to get the joke. He took in the three cottages with a wide embrace; his own, of neatly mortared river stones, forming a high foundation, pierced with windows, each neatly shuttered with sturdy oak panels. The structure was topped with a bright red tile roof, just like the one at home. Next door was Rio¡¯s simple and homey stucco dwelling, with a flat, crenelated roof, cheekily hinting at a castle¡­ but one painted in a light pink hue and decorated with murals of tropical seaside views at sunset and boasting wide windows. Finally, Amy¡¯s gingerbread cottage of bright colors and cheery flowers stood beside her brother¡¯s homes. It was wild confection, shingled in scales of wood, each one a unique shade of the rainbow. She was in charge of the garden this trip, so it was a riot of perennial blooms and flowering fruit trees. Pointing to each little house in turn, he nodded and winked at his team mates. ¡°Cause we¡¯re roughing it?¡± He asked quietly. ¡°We should head back tonight and face the music¡­¡± He giggled a little foolishly at that word choice. ¡°Come on¡­ I¡¯ll be right there with you, all the way.¡± ¡°Not me!¡± Frankie sniffed. ¡°I didn¡¯t do anything wrong!¡± Wilf gave young master Knubbel his most sober gaze of faint disappointment, until Frank buckled under the relentless, gentle pressure. ¡°All right¡­ team time¡­ but I¡¯m making it clear to my folks it was all you Wards¡­ I¡¯m an innocent young lad, fallen in with a rough crowd!¡± He murmured woefully. ¡°Do we really have to head back tonight?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Rio mumbled as he toweled off and dressed. ¡°Sooner we fess up, the easier it will be.¡± He nodded to the elegant otter woman half asleep in the bath. ¡°She¡¯ll be snitching on us by morning no matter what.¡± The shaman of Beast¡¯s cult huffed through her nostrils in amusement and hugged her lucky rock onto her tummy, as she prepared to take a nap. ¡°There¡¯s fresh monster squid and some possessed shrimp in the fridge¡­¡± Wilf muttered to the sleepy aquatic mammal. ¡°We¡¯ll leave the bath and my house here, til morning.¡± ¡°Sweet child¡­¡± She mumbled happily, swatting his cheek with her paw in sleepy delight. ¡°Blessings of Beast and Joy on you¡­¡± The whimsical gingerbread fancy and the colorful adobe vanished as the sun lowered to touch the treetops. The structures evaporated in a gentle breeze, blowing away into misty nothing with a soft tinkling chime. The tile roofed riverstone house remained, as did the garden and baths, as the four kids piled into Seahorse, their Mana replenished and ready to face what lay ahead¡­ and their soon to be furious parents # Liam Kinnis, count of the eastern marches and forestlord of county Kinnis smiled out over his rough and tumble domain. Fresh plaster and new planted gardens showed here and there in the abandoned woodlands that surrounded his county seat. Years in and he was starting to actually see real development at the edges of town. Soon, with a little luck, he¡¯d have it all¡­ He read the scroll once more, with growing pleasure. ¡®We need a change of scenery¡­ Mind if we wander up your way for a while?¡¯ The note was signed by a looping figure, drawn in a single stroke, ending in a line bisecting the figure, terminating in an elegant whorl. Gary¡¯s ¡®Treble Clef¡¯ symbol was as odd and distinctive as the man himself. ¡°Tawny¡­ we¡¯re going to have company¡­¡± He called into his ¡®palace¡¯. The old keep had been mostly repaired¡­ and was mostly habitable. Unless one had spent a year working and living in the magical hotspring inn of Gary Ward, mad wizard of Wheatford Town and Parts Unknown. He and his wife Shai Ward, master smith and journeyman mage, were worth their weight in silver, just for their skills and crafts alone. Their arts, magical and otherwise were almost more than one could hope for. ¡°Company? Oh dear¡­¡± The countess came out on the parapet and leaned against her husband with a long, slow sigh of exhaustion. ¡°Who are we hosting? Some tiresome cleric? One of your father¡¯s vassals?¡± She demanded, carelessly passing responsibility for her father, duke Leopold Belen, off to her husband. ¡°Both.¡± He mumbled, hamming it up for his wife and pretending at annoyance. ¡°Some jackass and his wife are coming to see about starting an inn¡­ maybe you¡¯ve heard of them¡­¡± Her high pitched squeal of delight told him she¡¯d spotted the seal on the scroll tube¡­ or noticed that it was a delicate and surprisingly tough construct of finely laminated sheets of paper thin flame maple. That damn thing nearly glowed with the sheen of well rubbed and polished lacquer. He slipped the tube into his desk for re-use¡­ His fool brother could make a fortune selling those fabulous scroll tubes to nobles all over the twelve duchies. Instead, he just sent them out, holding his correspondence¡­ as though they were parchment envelopes. Tawny, the lady Trelawny Kinnis, priestess of Healer and countess of the realm, snatched the scroll from his hand with a giddy smile and devoured the short, neatly written note in an instant. ¡°It doesn¡¯t say when¡­¡± ¡°I know.¡± Her husband replied, with a smile of his own. ¡°Here, I thought that master merchant Preven Yost adding us to his monthly route was the best news I¡¯d had all week¡­¡± ¡°Yost is putting us in his¡­ oh, that¡¯s good news too!¡± She began to hum a sweet, simple melody and leaned against him a little more. ¡°Do you think they know?¡± She asked, fondly rubbing a slight swelling in her middle. ¡°Who knows¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°Amy will, when they get within a mile.¡± ¡°Amy and the boys are not here.¡± Gary murmured quietly from their bedroom, where he was sprawled on the bed, looking awful. ¡°They¡¯re on punishment duty with Esperanza¡­ they took on a haunted bog crawler unsupervised.¡± He murmured weakly. ¡°A really big one too.¡± There was a hint of pride in his voice, even though it sounded like the words were being slowly strangled out of him with a garrote. ¡°You¡¯re still unranked?¡± Tawny asked with concern, as she examined their sickly friend. ¡°How did you manage to sneak in here in this condition?¡± She demanded. ¡°Shai helped¡­¡± He gasped. ¡°She¡¯s always letting me get away with things she should really shut down, by rights¡­ ever since¡­ you know.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be speaking to her about that, young man!¡± The countess scolded her friend and comrade. ¡°Coming back from the dead is no excuse!¡± ¡°She¡¯s coming up to the palace now¡­¡± He whispered, as he fell asleep on their bed, snoring loudly and drooling on the comforter. The sound of sweet, musical bells playing a cheerful melody rang out from the front door far below the balcony the young count and countess had been enjoying. Sweet music¡­ and the raucous voice of a hill tribe woman tearing strips off of the house guards with her razor sharp tongue. ¡°Aye, an ye think yer so able, reach fer yer sword¡­¡± She barked. ¡°An ye call me ¡®barbarian wench¡¯ I¡¯ll treat thee as such a one would!¡± She snapped at some poor fool. ¡°Kendal?¡± Tawny asked calmly. ¡°No doubt.¡± Count Liam answered with a smile. ¡°He¡¯s been needing this lesson for a while I think.¡± The young lord said, as a loud, metallic banging and clatter began¡­ and ended with a soft cry of pain and misery. He leaned over the parapet and looked down on the scene at his front door. ¡°Oh, dear¡­¡± He muttered crossly. ¡°Shai¡­ did you cripple my retainer? How did you even get his whole boot up there?¡± ¡°Fie, brother¡­ I took his foot out o the boot, ¡®ere I stuffed it up there¡­ I be nae some rabid beast, tae maim a man fer bein a fool.¡± She pointed to his bare left foot and unbroken leg. The rest of corporal Kendal was spread on the flagstones, in a scattering of weapons and crumpled armor plates. ¡°You¡¯ve been studying with sir Rolf¡­¡± He murmured with appreciation. ¡°Corporal Kendal¡­¡± He called down to his battered retainer. ¡°Please don¡¯t insult my sister again¡­ she¡¯s a gentle soul, who loathes violence.¡± # Amy sat in the crow¡¯s nest on Esperanza¡¯s Bounty, enjoying the sway and bob of the topmost mast. All around, the Shallow Sea spread out in its subtle splendor. Ringed by weathered mountain peaks and low, rolling hills in the misty distance all around. Dark clouds were stacked up out on the open sea, beyond the twin lighthouse towns of Ports Watch and Sill, overlooking the channel out into the blue water. ¡°Storm coming!¡± She called down to auntie¡­ Captain Ranza, at the helm. Amy used one of her vocal tricks to whisper her message in her captain¡¯s ear. Just for fun, she included the entire deck crew and Esperanza¡¯s dolphin familiar, Falco, leaping the bowspirit and playing in the waves. He chittered and took a mighty leap, spinning wildly as he knifed back into the sea, his high pitched, chattering giggle scattering over the waves like sunlight on water. He held a long whistled and clicked conversation with Wilf and Rio, discussing something, while they tuned up. He was probably just showing off for the pod of lady dolphins cruising lazily by and eyeballing his sleek, blue and gold body¡­ ¡®The boy is a snack¡­¡¯ Amy thought to herself, as she watched from above. The music started dramatically, with thundering drums from Rio and Wilf¡¯s bass guitar. She sighed, with a wide, happy smile on her cheeks, pulled her golden butterscotch ¡®Teleblaster¡¯ out and joined the fun. As if sensing her thoughts, Falco flipped up onto his fluke and did a long, smooth, gliding, dance. It was almost exactly like¡­ It was the moonwalk, no doubt. Falco was biologically incapable of grabbing his genitals, or wearing a shiny glove¡­ Amy pushed that idea away for later. He did have a firm grasp of the various ticks and tricks that the ¡®King of Pop¡¯ was best known for. ¡®Tee-Hee, Mamasay mama sa mamusakusa¡¯¡­ and ¡®Shamown!¡¯ scattered over the waves, as Falco strutted his stuff with the kind of shameless braggadocio usually reserved for sailors¡¯ talk, when too long at sea¡­ The goofy fishmammal even whistled and clicked along with the kid¡¯s rendition of ¡®Billie Jean¡¯, as he danced across the water, drawing sparkling, aquatic giggles from several of the moist, sleek maidens he was trying to impress. ¡°Scandalous flirt!¡± Ranza laughed over the waves at her idiot familiar. ¡°That¡¯s how you catch Clam-mydia and Salmon-ella!¡± She giggled at her fish. Every member of the little ship¡¯s crew groaned dramatically, as she trotted out those stupid puns that never made sense¡­ Even she wasn¡¯t certain what was going on, but they felt naughty and a little nasty¡­ like all the best jokes! ¡°Gross, Ranza.¡± Uncle Ward said softly, as he landed silently on the aft rail. ¡°Permission to come aboard?¡± The only sound for a moment was the wind and the creak of sail and rope, as a vague and frightening shadow bat asked for permission to board. ¡°Only if you will not vanish without warning¡­¡± She purred dangerously. ¡°Uhh, my brother¡¯s kids are aboard¡­¡± He murmured so softly that only she heard. ¡°So¡­ you will have to be quiet.¡± She whispered back, with a wink that made the batwinged, talon footed deity perched on her railing smile. His smile blew the busty ship captain¡¯s hair back with an almost physical wave of divine power. ¡°Can you be quiet¡­¡± He asked very softly, as he stepped to the deck with bare human feet and no wings at all. The instant he touched the deck, Yusef, Marc and Dante, the stolid, quiet, normal human crew members of Esperanza¡¯s Bounty shuddered with some unnameable dread and looked over their shoulders. Miggs, the ship¡¯s cat murred happily and immediately began twining between the feet of a tall, brown haired, brown eyed, lean and muscular man with a smile that seemed too perfect to be real. ¡°Ohhh, Captain¡­¡± Nicolai called very loudly, from the galley. ¡°Ward is here¡­!¡± His announcement was unnecessary, but required by long held tradition. Until Ward, dryad of the golden fig and demigod of Death and Vengeance made intimate physical contact with one of the Ward children or the captain, he would remain an insubstantial and menacing shadow form, visible only briefly, from the corners of mortal eyes. Marc had walked in on the pair of them in the forward hold once¡­ not knowing that their frequent visitor was aboard. He refused to speak of the matter, but had become obsessed with tantric yoga ever since. Finding Marc posed in strange positions had become common aboard the little ship. ¡°Yes, I¡¯ve come visiting¡­ for a few hours.¡± He said, with a much lower intensity smile. Rio, Wilf and Amy came stampeding at their uncle and hugged him as a group, squeezing him mercilessly. ¡°Ahh, thanks kids¡­¡± He sighed, as he became fully physical in the world. ¡°You know, Ranza¡­ Liam could show you the art of bonsai¡­ then I could visit more easily.¡± He purred, reviving a long running interplay between the two weirdos. ¡°So this one might be at your beck and call? No, Esperanza¡¯s Bounty is my home¡­ Unless you wish to become a member of my crew?¡± She purred. ¡°I have a cabin boy position available¡­¡± ¡°All right, enough you two¡­¡± Wilf rumbled with a smile on his broad face. ¡°I¡¯m still an innocent child!¡± ¡°I¡¯ve come with a small request¡­¡± Ward murmured with a wink at Ranza. ¡°We¡¯ll discuss what positions might be available later¡­¡± He whispered, before getting back to business. ¡°There¡¯s an Island not too far from your present course, you¡¯ll come near it tomorrow morning at this speed. Amy can probably see it from the tippy top, lookie outie thing¡­¡± He said casually, just to infuriate Ranza and tease Amy. ¡°That¡¯s what they call it where I come from¡­¡± He protested with wide eyed innocence, when they objected to his super accurate nautical terminology. ¡°Crow¡¯s nest¡­ what a silly name¡­¡± He sulked absurdly, sitting on Ranza¡¯s chair, with her and the ship¡¯s cat curled up in his lap. ¡°So, this island¡­¡± He continued. ¡°I know the one¡­ it¡¯s cloaked in mortal dread and fear for a mile around. Even pirates and other sea vermin can¡¯t approach.¡± Dante muttered sourly. ¡°Exactly. I need a small crew of intrepid mortals to stroll in and plant these.¡± He held up a few small potted plants. ¡°Once these are planted, the rest will take care of itself¡­ I think.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Mangrove has a foothold there, so do Cypress, Pine and a few others, but they can¡¯t manifest there. Too spooky. My lovely niece and her handsome, talented brothers will be able to land with no troubles.¡± Flattery and glib words aside, a thrill ran through the three young sailors in training. ¡°So,¡± Amy said with a wide grin of her own. ¡°A forbidden island untouched by mortals¡¯ feet in who knows how many centuries¡­ sounds fun!¡± She turned on Esperanza with a feral, hungry grin and pointed to the low, round, common sailor¡¯s cap on her head. ¡°I¡¯m gonna need my admiral¡¯s hat back, auntie captain, this is pirate business!¡± # Ch: 2 Straight On Til Morning Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 2 Ch:2 Shore Detail ¡°He wants to go with you Wilf¡­ Let him help if he can. You know he doesn¡¯t really want to hurt you; doesn¡¯t really want to make you cry¡­¡± Ward shook his head fiercely, trying to get an eighties smash hit out of his ears. ¡°You know what I mean¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, I do.¡± Wilford Brimley Ward said with a sigh of resignation, as he held out a black, oily looking wooden club of curious design. It had ridges and grooves carved in a spiral and a hole bored through the ¡®sweet spot¡¯ as though it had been ¡®corked¡¯, and the illegal added weight had been removed in the interest of fair play. Ward held his hand out, allowing a liquid stream of slithering black scales to flow out of his sleeve. The gleaming, jet black serpent coiled through the hole in the weapon, wrapped several loops of itself around and finally nestled its silver fanged, red eyed head against the pulsing vein in the young warrior¡¯s wrist. ¡°Welcome back, old friend.¡± He whispered softly as the creature¡¯s fangs rested gently against a pair of old, white, puckered scars in his flesh. # ¡°The island has no name, since none can or would put ashore, or even approach.¡± Esperanza called from the wheeldeck, as she watched over her crew as they prepared for a shore action. ¡°It¡¯s unknown territory, children. Dante and Yusef will accompany you, No arguments.¡± They groaned and moaned a little, but gave in to good sense as the island drew near in the misty morning. ¡°Be careful¡­ I can¡¯t set foot on that island. If you get in trouble there, I might as well be a buzzing gnat for all the good I¡¯ll do¡­¡± Ward grumbled, looking a bit washed out and pale. ¡°This place is drenched in undeath, I can¡¯t even see ghosts and shades, they¡¯re someone else¡¯s territory.¡± ¡°Most sailors in the Shallow Sea have, at one time or another¡­ attempted to land here. Out of foolish bravado, I tried, when I was your age.¡± Dante murmured, as he strapped on his armor and weapons. ¡°What did you see?¡± Amy asked breathlessly. ¡°Ghosts?¡± ¡°No, I fled, rowing as fast as I could, racing ahead of a following breeze, to get away from that blighted rock¡­ Perhaps whatever it is, has weakened.¡± The calm and taciturn first officer said with a smile. ¡°Nope.¡± Ward sang happily. ¡°You changed, not it. Soaking in the Ward family baths is a transformative experience, like transcendental meditation, or a chance met tree maiden in the wilderness¡­¡± ¡°Ward!¡± Wilf scolded his uncle, while Yusef giggled so hard he dropped his spear to the deck. The dismal pall of misery and unwelcomeness the normal crew of the ship suffered under was nearly suffocating but tolerable. Ordinarily, even hardened Adventurers or desperate pirates would be turnt around by the wave of palpable repulsion and denial from the place. Ward flickered into semi substantialness as they neared the cove. By the time they were anchored, he was little better than a drifting shadow with a distant, almost inaudible whisper for a voice. It looked pleasant enough as the sun came out and burned away the fog; tall, shaggy palms and a riot of vegetation clung to the rocky shores, dangling all the way to the water from the sheer boulders and cliffsides. As Esperanza¡¯s Bounty came around the lump of rocks and soil jutting from the sea, a small lagoon appeared, its sandy beach and semicircle of stony natural seawall protected a fine anchorage. There were even faint signs of human habitation at some distant point in the past. A few of the stones at the entrance had been worked by someone¡¯s hands, they still bore faint marks of the quarryman¡¯s drill. Esperanza dropped anchor in the center of the bay, while Amy leaned over the side, doing something. There was a loud splash and the sound of something gently bumping her ship¡¯s flank a moment later. ¡°Amy! What the hell?¡± Ward demanded in a hoarse whisper. ¡°Did you steal your sister¡¯s boat?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± She said with a grin. ¡°Seahorse is way bigger¡­ and so much faster.¡± She sighed a little there. ¡°This is MissAdventure¡­ Our boat! Wilf built it with uncle Tallum and Ivy. I helped, that¡¯s why I can stash it!¡± ¡°Your folks let you have a boat?¡± Ward whispered harshly. ¡°Ward, my dear¡­¡± Esperanza chuckled in his shadow ear. ¡°Amy¡¯s had her Pirate¡¯s License since she was five. She tested for and received her Unrestricted Pillaging Endorsement two years ago.¡± ¡°I keep forgetting whose family this is¡­ my brother¡­ is nuts.¡± The shadow bat croaked sulkily. It was going to be a long day. Three armored kids and two sailors in full Adventure kit clambered nimbly over the side and into a small skiff of neatly fitted oak planks. Her figurehead was of a ¡®Treble Clef¡¯ the highly unofficial Ward family crest; by decree of Gary Ward, the mad, maimed, sickly patriarch of the tiny clan of misfits, weirdos and monster slayers. The sailors¡¯ armor and weapons were gifts from their captain¡¯s mad brother from another world¡­ and were destined to become family heirlooms. Carapace of the sea, Enchanted armor. Etheric and spiritual enchantments. Rank: Unranked. Elemental affinities: Water, Life, Light, Healing, Air. Rarity: Number two of five existing examples. When worn by, or within one mile of a source of etheric magic, the wearer will receive the full benefit of this enchanted equipment. Effect: Undrowning, the wearer will not sink below the surface of any mundane liquid without explicit intent to do so. Attempts at water walking may have unpredictable results. Effect: Toothbreaker, armor is extraordinarily resistant to crushing, puncture and pressure effects. Effect: Water of Life, armor will provide fresh, potable water from the drinking tube concealed inside the helmet¡­ it¡¯s water¡­ just trust me. Effect: Hardshell Finish, armor will self clean and repair when not in combat, while exposed to a source of etheric magic. Wilf sighed and smiled sadly at these works of his papa¡¯s hands, as he helped the sailors gear up. At his touch, messages detailing the enchanted items appeared in the corner of his eye, alongside his Health, Mana and Stamina bars. He didn¡¯t have a full Interface gift like papa Gary, but his was growing steadily since his first Contract. Brigid nestled close to his heart, warming him from within¡­ Her initial touch last year had lit a spark in his soul, prompting him to dive deeper into his father¡¯s crafts and arts than ever before; now it was a blazing hearth, urging him to snoop and explore these magical and artistic workings. Now that his Contract was sealed and bound, it was spreading out and touching more of the world, rather than just inside his own aura. ¡°Hold on¡­¡± Rio mumbled, clapping a hand to his much bigger, younger brother¡¯s shoulder. ¡°You can nerd out later, after we¡¯re done with uncle Ward¡¯s gardening project.¡± He knew the signs of Wilf getting dangerously distracted by their father¡¯s crafts¡­ ¡°I¡¯ll let you explain how the motor works¡­¡± That perked the blocky craftsman up; Wilf loved chattering while he worked. They all clambered down onto the sleek, shallow drafted skiff now tied alongside ¡®Bounty¡¯ and bobbing on the tiny waves. MissAdventure was slim, low and swift across the water, she didn¡¯t thrum and bash against the waves, she slid over them and sliced a thin wedge from the surface in passing. ¡°She gets unstable, if I push the speed¡­¡± Amy explained from the tiller. ¡°More ballast and a deeper keel would help¡­ but I can¡¯t fit those in my storage gift, til I rank up.¡± ¡°Becky wants me to refit Seahorse¡­¡± Wilf muttered sadly. ¡°Papa¡¯s still not well enough and she¡¯s seen some weather.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Amy sighed. ¡°She can¡¯t wait any longer¡­ She¡¯s been pulling starboard and some of those old repairs are looking rough.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t talk about other boats aboard ¡®Miss¡¯, you¡¯re making her jealous.¡± Wilf complained with a rare wink and smile, as he hopped to the sand and made her fast to a stout pair of palm trees. ¡°You like that name?¡± Rio mumbled at his brother, when he thought Amy couldn¡¯t hear. ¡°He named her, dummy!¡± Amy sang from halfway up a lunar date palm. ¡°I wanted to name her Seapony.¡± ¡°Ok, Wilf wins.¡± Rio grinned up at his nimble sister, as she leapt to a nearby banana tree. While they were chattering, Wilf and Rio used their combat shovels to clear some brush from the edge of the lagoon and establish a camp. Yusef and Dante patrolled the area and kept watch, while the kids worked quickly. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. Amy dropped a huge bunch of bananas down, after politely evicting the locals, in spider. They weren¡¯t sentient, if they were they would have long since crawled into the sea and hoped for rescue. It was still good manners though. ¡°The god of Beasts grieves for the fallen, even while rejoicing in my victory. Til we meet again, brother.¡± Amy whispered her prayer softy, after smooshing an aggressive arachnid who wouldn¡¯t listen to reason. It was a half pound of angry, highly venomous bug, so just brushing her away was not going to work. ¡°They call you wandering spiders¡­ shoulda wandered on.¡± She sighed at the twitching, eight legged mess. She scooped it into a sheet steel box from her storage and tucked it back away with a grimace. Papa always got sad and upset when she killed something and left it behind, now it was habit¡­ Besides, it would be good fish bait. Now that they were ashore, Rio was certain. There was an abandoned ritual site somewhere on this little rock, stinking up the place, attracting shades and ghosts, like a spiritual bug zapper. ¡°Hey, gang¡­ remember Wicklowe? The fireworks man?¡± He called out. ¡°We¡¯re in something like that.¡± ¡°Ritual magic aura of forbiddance¡­¡± Wilf muttered with a nod. ¡°Standard stuff. Kinda a small radius though.¡± ¡°I noticed that too.¡± Rio murmured. ¡°The actual zone of forbiddance is less than a quarter mile radius¡­ from the cove.¡± ¡°It¡¯s under water?¡± Amy asked, as she slid down a palm and nimbly leapt to the ground. ¡°Or underground¡­ this is an extinct volcano¡­ caves or a magma chamber could be down there.¡± Wilf offered helpfully. ¡°It would have to be deep underwater or underground, to remain intact under the moonlight for so long.¡± ¡°Diving or delving, this is going to be interesting.¡± Amy said with glee. ¡°Any active undead around, Rio?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t tell, too much noise from the forbiddance. Jam sesh?¡± He already had his bongos out and was warming the skins with his palms. Rattle-tap, enchanted drums. Spiritual enchantment. Rank, unranked. Rarity; unique. Effect: Dead Man¡¯s Party, when played by or in proximity of a source of etheric magic, spirits and incorporeal entities may manifest. Effect: Danse Macabre, player may expend Mana and shadow essence from their Ka to encorporate a willing spirit, shade or ghost temporarily. Effect: From the Crypt, active undead in the local area will be summoned to the instrument when played. Undead or spiritual beings may suffer affliction: Call of the Grave, if hostile contact is made with player¡¯s shadow or aura. Call of the Grave: Affliction, spiritual or undead entities afflicted with this condition will rapidly degrade. While active this effect greatly increases. While active in sunlight, geometric increase of this effect will occur. While active in moonlight, exponential increase of this effect will occur. Chance to afflict: Ten percent, scaled against player¡¯s Rank, Will, Animus, Mind and Ka, if applicable. Rio began scattering percussion across the little cove and out into the island proper, as Wilf¡¯s flute joined in, adding its native inducements and lures to his drum¡¯s call. The simple maple recorder at his big little brother¡¯s lips was a family treasure. Forest¡¯s Breath was papa¡¯s first instrument crafted in this world and had grown with him for his entire, extraordinary, if brief career facing the uncanny and weird. Amy¡¯s guitar took the lead, crying out in the bright morning sunshine as she sang her plaintive pop standard. In my heart the fire is burning¡­ Choose my color, find a star¡­ Precious people always tell me¡­ That''s a step, a step too far¡­ Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Only a single tattered shade slipped out into the dappled sun under the towering palms. It eased into Rio¡¯s shadow with an exhausted sigh and vanished entirely. ¡°Well¡­ that¡¯s that, I guess?¡± He murmured. ¡°Let¡¯s get Ward¡¯s thing done and let Becky and the cult of Knowledge come stamp this out.¡± ¡°Of course, Rio¡­ I never would have considered any other course of action¡­¡± Amy pronounced very loudly and clearly to the clearing. ¡°Cause I¡¯ve learn¡¯t my lesson about charging headlong into trouble¡­¡± ¡°Since when have you¡­ Uncle Yusef, are you spying on us?¡± Wilf demanded, when he noticed the young sailor and Adventurer leaning close and pressing a tiny silver button, pinned to his collar. ¡°Auntie, we¡¯re following orders and operating within bounds¡­¡± He called out to the embarrassed sailor. ¡°Uncle Yusef is terrible at being sneaky¡­¡± ¡°Hey!¡± That worthy complained loudly. ¡°Yeah, yeah, yeah!¡± Amy sassed him as she formed up with her brothers. ¡°If you¡¯re done broadcasting our private conversations, we¡¯re ready to move. Ward wants four plantings evenly spaced out¡­ I guess Strangler Fig has some talent for handling ghosts and such, I¡¯ve never met her...¡± ¡°Mmm, yeah, she¡¯s the most haunted of the dryads.¡± Rio said softly. ¡°She comes when I play my drums in the garden sometimes¡­ I think she¡¯s just shy around the living, mostly.¡± ¡°But she likes you?¡± Amy demanded in disbelief, as she readied her pistol crossbows and loosened her rapier in its scabbard. ¡°No accounting for some tree¡¯s taste¡­¡± She mumbled with a wink at her falsely outraged brother, busily sputtering in incoherent and overacted emotional trauma. His spear was held steady though. Wilford¡¯s heavy armor and warshovel put him at the head of the little troop, beside Dante, who was armed with a machete, while Yusef brought up the rear, carrying a crossbow. Ranza came over their earcuffs, speaking through the magical ¡®comms¡¯ jewelry that was among their family¡¯s greatest secrets. Since the night of the Fool¡¯s Moon, those few sets that had escaped into the open market had become even more precious, as their creator; the children¡¯s father, was widely known to have died, on that strange and awful night, along with a few notable gods. That no more wonders appeared from the usually quiet workshops of Wheatford town seemed to be confirmation of that tale. Eventually the snooping collectors and acquisitive nobles and merchants stopped sniffing around, leaving the grieving family in peace. In the twelve years since the second moon had shimmered into the public consciousness, no more wondrous, impossible, enchanted miracles had come forth. Though the dusty little mercenary domain on the backside of nowhere, still produced a steady stream of constant innovations in other areas of craft and artistry. The tiny green and blue moon circling high above the world every night had been born with their father¡¯s death. Born in a display of magical pyrotechnics that circled the entire world, putting on a spectacular light show for a full forty hours. A little over eight years ago, uncle Ward and the god of Beasts had come calling, bearing a very special gift; a unique silver fig tree that eventually ripened and¡­ It ¡®passed¡¯ their maimed and crippled father back into the world, in a wet, disturbing and sticky miracle that was best remembered with hazy fondness, if at all. He was wrecked and cursed, but alive and healing, if terribly slowly. If Rio and Wilf were right, this was most likely a sad remnant of the ages old plot that their papa had paid a terrible price to expose and confound¡­ A price he paid again and again, and continued to pay. ¡°I heard the tale of your Wicklowe, the bottled corpse¡­ from Dannyl. Is this one of those?¡± Yusef asked, while watching the scrubby forest of herbs, bushes and palm trees. ¡°At least a few of them, most likely.¡± Rio replied. ¡°If we find them and they¡¯re unguarded, we can handle this ourselves.¡± ¡°Guarded?¡± Dante asked calmly, his machete continuing to clear the path beside Wilf¡¯s keen bladed, shovel and ax combo. ¡°The last one was guarded by a weak lich¡­ hardly more than a crumbling mess.¡± Amy offered helpfully. ¡°Not helping.¡± Wilf sighed to his sister. # It took the better part of the day to circle the little rocky island, no game trails or human paths existed in the verdant and tangled jungle near sea level, inside the protection of the fallen volcanic cone. On the slopes leading to the worn and rounded crater rim, thorn bushes and hardy scrub dominated. The only trees of note were palms and bananas in the jungle, here on the slopes it was a hardscrabble collection of tough shrubs and herbs, clinging to the rocks and barren soil. At the foot of a tall, shaggy palm Amy planted the first of their long, vine like, potted cuttings, tying it to the host with a few lengths of jute cord. They made their slow circuit of the island, ending up back at their rough little clearing to plant the final shoot of Strangler Fig, with a collective sigh of satisfaction. ¡°No monsters¡­ but no treasure either¡­¡± Amy complained sourly, as she washed her hands in the lagoon. While they worked, the sky to the south west had continued to build a brace of towing thunderheads and complain up a storm with low, rumbling threats. Ranza had the storm flag up when they finished, calling the crew to return or encamp before the weather could arrive. Yusef spoke softly into his collar button, on a private channel with captain Ranza for a moment, before turning to the three kids. ¡°Can you¡­ uhh¡­ magic up a house and dock?¡± He asked awkwardly. ¡°Captain says this storm is a slow mover and I guess your uncle gets seasick¡­¡± ¡°No, he doesn¡¯t, they just wanna moor up for a day and have the boat to themselves.¡± Rio sighed wearily. ¡°I dunno why grownups think they have to lie about that stuff¡­¡± ¡°Just draws more attention to their¡­¡± Wilf muttered. ¡°I think it¡¯s cute, how mama an papa are always ¡®going fishing¡¯.¡± Amy giggled. ¡°Gross.¡± Rio and Wilf sighed in harmony. This was familiar territory for the poor kids¡­ their parents were incorrigible. During their interplay, all three produced their favorite instruments and tuned up, prompting Yusef to pull his own instrument from nowhere at all. The sailor Adventurer fiddled with a hefty bronze and gold ring on his finger for a moment and a full sized acoustic guitar slipped into being, like warm honey pouring from a cracked hive. He joined their song with long familiarity, slipping in among his niece and nephews, smiling happily in the shabby little cove. The song made little sense, beyond its repeated and very catchy hook, declaring something or other about ¡®Our House¡­ In The Middle Of Our Street!¡¯ When they wrapped up, a sturdy stone pier led out into the cove, beside three cozy cottages, each distinctly unique. Behind them, in the lovely garden sat a hotspring pool, steamy and inviting. The stone lined pool was surrounded by an impenetrable thicket of timber bamboo, a tarpaulin rain cover offered cozy bathing, even in bad weather¡­ ¡°Nice¡­¡± Yusef whispered happily. ¡°It¡¯s good to be home at last¡­ Home at last¡­¡± He began to strum idly, with a look on his face. ¡°Hold on there uncle¡­ no Steely Dan.¡± Rio grumbled, as he strode over and muted the older man¡¯s strings with his palm. He patted the swarthy, dark haired and handsome sailor on the cheek a few times, breaking his strange reverie. ¡°You gotta keep that under control, Wilf.¡± Rio complained to his brother. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m¡­ kinda emotional¡­ right now.¡± He murmured. ¡°Memberin¡¯ the last one?¡± Amy asked gently, while the two sailors helped moor Bounty to the new addition to the cove. ¡°Yeah¡­ and the others¡­ Figaro, Marceline¡­¡± He sat down on a charming little stone bench beside the rose trellis and made room for his sister beside him. ¡°I just get so¡­ Angry.¡± He whispered. Rio plucked a camp chair from his storage ring and settled nearby, to watch the storm roll in and talk. ¡°Your snake came home, didn¡¯t he.¡± The young man phrased it as a statement, not a question. He could read the answer on his brother¡¯s face. ¡°We¡¯re all together again¡­¡± Amy murmured. ¡°Soon, anyway.¡± She sighed. ¡°Wish Frankie could have come at least..¡± ¡°He could have, if he¡¯d wanted to join our punishment cruise.¡± Wilf grumbled at his sister. ¡°Come on, it¡¯s been fun!¡± She mumbled in embarrassment. ¡°He¡¯s gonna be mad he missed out on this¡­ especially if we can find them and set it off!¡± ¡°No!¡± Wilf and Rio both barked in chorus. ¡°We¡¯re almost done with the fallout from your last bright idea. I¡¯m not sitting back on a hot stove, just cause my buttcheeks stopped hurting!¡± Rio muttered. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna be a cargo handler and ship¡¯s boy for the rest of my life, Amy.¡± Wilf shook his head angrily. ¡°I really hate this.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why you and I can¡¯t Contract yet, when you¡¯re ready it will all start to make more sense.¡± Uncle Ward¡¯s hazy bat form muttered. ¡°Let¡¯s get inside before the storm hits. Looks nasty.¡± ¡°I thought you and Ranza¡¯d stay on Bounty¡­¡± Rio muttered with a salty wink. ¡°Captain¡¯s supposed to go down on¡­ with the ship, or something?¡± His smile of carefree childish innocence made Amy giggle and Wilf groan, in artificial despair. ¡°Gross, Rio.¡± Wilf muttered, while Uncle Ward pretended he had no idea what the kids were going on about. He was too busy taking his human form, dressed all in black, with a round black cap of shiny worm leather on his head. The kids headed inside Wilf¡¯s house, since it was the biggest and felt the most like home. The wide common room and simple, homely decorations said a lot about the boy himself. The kitchen and hearth covered a good portion of the space, leaving only a bedroom, a loft full of bunks and the door to Wilf¡¯s real home, his workshop, down in the foundation. Instruments hung from hooks and stood on stands nearly everywhere, among the potted plants, painted flowers and colorful drawings framed on the walls. A few comfy sofas and chairs clustered around the hearth, near the kitchen and a long table lined with humble benches made up the balance of the furniture. Soon the house was comfortably full, as Nicolai and his familiar, Miggs, the ship¡¯s cat joined the group. Esperanza slipped in the door, having satisfied herself that her ship was secure and joined Ward on a sofa by the fire, seeming very cozy. ¡°We¡¯re going to be stuck here for a day at least¡­¡± Ward murmured quietly into the room. ¡°Yes, I¡¯ll stay with Amy¡­¡± Rio muttered. ¡°Maybe I don¡¯t want you in my guest room?¡± She asked with a grin. ¡°Don¡¯t mind her, she¡¯s just mad there¡¯s no monsters on this island¡­¡± Rio fired back, in the age old tradition of siblings busting each other¡¯s chops. He was interrupted by a horrible screeching sound, as something attempted to rip the sturdy front door from its hinges. # Ch: 3 Shellshocked Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 3 Ch: 3 Shellshocked It was a truly fine storm, slow rolling and windy, rather than tempestuous¡­ Falco was having a splendid afternoon with Pippa, Phillipa, Reena and Gladys, the four dolphin girls he¡¯d been chasing all day¡­ or they¡¯d been chasing him. Hard to say when the waves were rolling and the girls kept swimming so close. One after another they would swim up shyly, and slowly slip next to him, so that her body would brush him in a gentle caress¡­ then dash away and giggle together with her girls. Now, as afternoon fell and the storm closed in, with his humans neatly stowed on Shitshow Island¡­ It was Falco time. Especially since Flippa was sliding through the water, swaying close to him, from below, swimming upside down¡­ ¡®Gods and spirits that¡¯s sexy¡­¡¯ He whistled with a wink and some unnecessary muscle flexing. He swept his fluke in a slow, lazy thrust, dipping a little closer until their bellies nearly brushed. The warmth of her, through that thin membrane of water was intoxicating, as were the appreciative whistles of her pod. ¡®The view from here is just as fine, you wicked boy.¡¯ She clicked and hummed, just for him. ¡®We are still deciding which one of us gets you¡­ first.¡¯ She sighed, as her fluke brushed his, slowly and intimately. ¡®Do you have any thoughts on that? I¡¯d really like to hear them¡­¡¯ ¡®You know, there¡¯s a sheltered cove under Shitshow Island¡­ we could all¡­ have a splash in the moonlight together and figure that out.¡¯ He whistled just loud enough for the whole pod to hear. ¡®My human retainers have made it habitable, at least for a while. They try so hard, the poor things.¡¯ He sighed winsomely at the slick, aquatic damsels. ¡®Ohh, someone¡¯s edgy¡­ you live dangerously!¡¯ Pippa clicked in amusement, while taking a barrel roll that showed off her color gradient, from pale white to a rich blue-gray¡­ and the dorsal on her! ¡®Poetry¡­!¡¯ Falco sighed, as she finished her slow, sensual corkscrew through the water. ¡®What was that about danger? I have an allergy to peril¡­ that¡¯s why I employ my mighty and fearsome dirtpounders.¡¯ ¡®Unless they¡¯ve figured out a way past that aura and have dealt with Stormcrab¡­ It¡¯s been squatting under that dump for years.¡¯ She chirped and rattled sensually. Philippa chattered with annoyance. ¡®That other one¡­ the giant ghost crab that haunts the reefs at night.¡¯ She squealed in distress at the thought. ¡®I only glimpsed it, but to live inside that aura¡­ it must be a monster of some kind!¡¯ ¡®Sorry ladies, duty calls¡­ I¡¯ll give you a whistle¡­¡¯ He chirped, as he dashed back into the near impenetrable miasma of loathsome woe and despair around the island. ¡®He really went in there?¡¯ Pippa whistled as they watched his fluke vanish, with powerful, sweeping surges. ¡®We¡¯ll have to come up with a rotation that¡¯s fair¡­ I saw him first, so¡­¡¯ ¡®I think his idea has merit; if they¡¯ve really cleansed that cove we could¡­¡¯ Gladys stopped her thoughtful musing and clicked at Reena. ¡®Don¡¯t knock it ¡®til you¡¯ve tried it.¡¯ She sassed the youngest ¡®phin girl. ¡®I had a fling with a beluga girly who would echolocate my¡­¡¯ Falco regretted swimming out of range of that story, but his poor helpless dirtdivers needed him! # Bounty was moored to what was left of the pier, floating securely in the cove at least. Several tons of hangry, shelled horror had smashed through the wooden decking, before it could reach the ship and whatever tasty morsels might be hiding inside. ¡°Giant fucking coconut crab¡­ with a magical aura of some kind.¡± Wilf muttered sourly, as it tried to pull the stout pocket door of bronze strapped red oak out of its stone embrasure. ¡°It can¡¯t get in, cause my house is made of stone¡­¡± He muttered with satisfaction. ¡°We have a classic ¡®Three Little Pigs¡¯ situation, as was foretold in the ancient manuscript.¡± Wilf held up a colorful pasteboard children¡¯s book; the kind that had proliferated from Wheatford¡¯s orphanage over the last few years. ¡°Wilf! Seriously! Again?¡± Amy sighed. ¡°My house isn¡¯t real anyway¡­¡± She looked out the loft window on the wreckage of her lovely little gingerbread cottage, all smashed and shattered. The beast had crushed her front wall and pushed into her kitchen and doubtless consumed all of her foodstuffs. Amy did her best to conceal her rage¡­ The rest of the house was all just comfy moonlight and shows manifested by her Will¡­ but it was Her comfy moonlight and shadows! Rio was doing poorly indeed, it had cracked his adobe bungalow in its massive claws and rooted through his supplies too¡­ The resonant twanging crunch of instruments being shattered under a few tons of crapaced horror was almost more than he could bear. ¡°So, your house of sticks, crunched. His house of mud, munched. While my home of sturdy stone¡­¡± A thunderous report shook the night as the raging monster attacked his front door with renewed vigor, ending Wilf¡¯s smug declaration. Small cracks began to appear in the mortar around the door, under the continued assault. ¡°Ok, we gotta get involved.¡± Amy grumbled. ¡°He¡¯s got more than huffs and puffs in him.¡± ¡°Rooftop?¡± Rio asked in annoyance. Esperanza grumbled a very brief negative response. Something about armor and weapons on the roof during a thunderstorm, while fighting a lightning crab¡­ she made a lot of sense in a very few words. ¡°The arbalests on Bounty are our answer.¡± Dante muttered. Esperanza nodded in agreement with her taciturn first officer and brother. ¡°We go out the back door and draw it off. Then¡­ I guess you kids throw whatever you have at it from the windows, so we can swim for the ship and get the weapons limbered.¡± She grumbled after a moment of thought. ¡°At least there can be only one monster of this size on this island¡­¡± Dante murmured, as he shoved himself back into his gear. Once more clad in sleek, fitted armor of wooden plates, enchanted and enspelled for comfort, durability and survivability, the crewmen of Bounty nodded to their captain solemnly and stopped in shock. ¡°Captain? You¡¯re coming?¡± Nicolai asked in dismay. ¡°This is dangerous¡­¡± ¡°Just because you¡¯ve never seen this one in action, does not mean she is some tyro, still wet behind the ears from her first salt spray!¡± She huffed in irritation. ¡°Captain¡­ shouldn¡¯t you gear up?¡± He asked hesitantly, while the creature continued knocking at the doors and shutters in mindless hunger. Esperanza took a slow twirl, letting her younger cousin admire her finery. From her brightly embroidered, lacey and ruffled, barely closed bodice, to her golden and bronze buttoned gauntlets and swirling split skirts she was the picture of a sea captain at her sexy and casual ease. Only a truly enormous and elaborate hat, resplendent with flowers of silk could top her ensemble¡­ The heavy, slightly curved and very dangerous looking sword in her hand was an outlier in her otherwise festive and sexy attire¡­ ¡°This one is ready for battle, even on land, my sweet. Esperanza has never quailed, not before pirates, customs men, nor leviathans! She¡¯ll not be bested by a shellfish!¡± She preened her colorful skirts, made certain her high boots were cuffed just so and grinned. ¡°This humble captain¡¯s tailor is out of this world, dear Nicolai. Amy and poor Esperanza are as well guarded as you.¡± Amy¡¯s long coat and tricorn of cobalt blue trapdoor spider silk and slender silver cutlass also cut a fine figure, but she had sturdy, closely fitted wooden laminate armor, under that enchanted coat. ¡°The armor that protects the best, is the one you are wearing when you need it.¡± Amy agreed, while buttoning her coat. Rio and Wilf buckled each other in and gave the traditional comradely swats to their shoulder armor when they were ready. Three armed and armored kids went up to the loft windows to watch and await their cue, stewing in a potent blend of anger, fear, excitement and antici¡­ pation. Four men in wooden naval armor, and Esperanza, shining in her embroidered silks dashed into the chaotic storm. They moved swiftly to the water side, avoiding the notice of the terrible thing clattering in the rubble of two broken houses. Poor eyesight and tiny brains¡­ Esperanza and her crew waded into the surging cove, heading for their vessel, when Falco came into range of Esperanza¡¯s familiar bond. The crew was still in the shallows, when a thunderous bubbling squeal sounded and the rumbling of their huge foe¡¯s movements on the beach shook the sandy bottom. # Its clattering chitin rattled and rasped as it scuttled after the fleeing meat, so ravenous and desperate; it abandoned what was still inside that ¡®shell¡¯ and scurried for the wandering samples. Tiny things flew from the shell washed up on the beach, they clattered from his armor, little more impressive than the big, wet raindrops that fell on its broad shell. Those meaty morsels splashed and swam for the big floating shell, the one that he couldn¡¯t get his claws on, out in the water¡­ Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Something jolted it from behind, as one of the hurled objects lodged in one of his rear joints near his apron... Searing, hammering pain roared into his simple nervous system, shattering his will. With a thunderous, bubbling shriek, it turned once more to whatever was in that shell on his beach¡­ # Amy¡¯s pistol crossbows were useless against the behemoth of armored shell, her tiny darts shattered or skittered away off its carapace. Rio¡¯s light crossbow was equally useless¡­ since papa had them on ¡®Double Secret Probation¡¯... whatever that meant. She¡¯d had no chance to filch any of their dangerous toys, strictly for emergencies, of course. The experimental ammunition Ivy, Shai, Becky and Tallum helped Papa create down in the workshop at home was all secured in the vault; where it wouldn¡¯t be any danger, or any fun¡­ They watched almost impotently, as the beast turned to pursue auntie Ranza and her gallant crew, splashing desperately for ¡®Bounty¡¯, still tossing about, moored to a few pilings on the broken pier. Slowly the beast gained ground and surged into the surf, claws reaching for the human swimmers. Amy looked down, as the door slammed open, and then shut below them. Wilf¡¯s massive armored form churned across the beach, charging the beast from behind with a long, heavy war lance he¡¯d found somewhere, tucked under his arm. He hurled his full body weight into a mad thrust at the spot where its rearmost lower body plates met the shell, eight feet up on the massive creature. The two teens watched in horror and helpless fascination as stolid, quiet and obedient Wilf, hurled his whole being at the monster pursuing his aunt and uncles. ¡°Wilf! Noooo!¡± Amy wailed, her voice cutting through the storm noise, shattering the night. In a frozen moment that lasted unbearably long, the massive young warrior in training drove his lance of blackthorn and bronze into the beast¡¯s body, scraping to a halt with nearly four feet of metal and wood lodged in its body. Wilf found out immediately why it was known locally as the ¡®Stormcrab¡¯, as sparks of eldritch blue and actinic white energies flashed down his lance and into the young warrior, illuminating him from the inside¡­ The wild energies of the storm and whatever the monster possessing the crab brought to the party set the lad¡¯s body on fire from the inside, spasming his muscles uncontrollably, while sending him for a sudden nap. Sadly for mister crab, that launched an unconscious, tensed and in motion young man at the thing with renewed vigor, even as his body flailed and twitched. The beast scuttled madly in a circle, struggling to reach the offending weapon jammed into its bits-n-pieces from behind. The young man¡¯s body remained clenched around his weapon in a mindless grip despite the creature¡¯s struggles for a few moments, before flying off into the verdure at the jungle¡¯s edge. As it pivoted in place, pursuing its own wounded arse in stupid fury, Amy took a sweet two pistol potshot at one of its googly eyestalks¡­ her darts splatted moistly into her target, while Rio got a bolt from his crossbow right in its obscene, almost human mouth. ¡°Keep it interested, see if you can blind it, I¡¯m going after Wilf.¡± Rio mumbled, as he reloaded his crossbow and handed it over. He pulled a cord tied bundle of hefty wrought iron chain from his storage ring and admired the huge, heavy, wickedly barbed treble hooks on the two ends. ¡°Cover me.¡± # Ranza and her crew clambered up the pilings, onto the shattered pier and got Bounty freed by simply hacking her lines free. With her captain at the helm, something moaned softly, deep in the bowels of the ship, as she swung about in the swells. Bringing the naval ballistae mounted fore and aft to bear on the beast ravaging the shore camp. ¡°Standard load Nicolai! Wait till the kids are clear!¡± She spoke over the ¡®comms¡¯ system each crewman wore on his ear and collar, lest the storm carry her orders away. ¡°Dante, fire for effect, Nicolai, cover us¡­ Falco reports we may have another monster nearby¡­¡± She shot a dirty look at her first mate. ¡°Only one monster on an island this size¡­ bloody asking for it!¡± If the stolid and quiet first officer made a reply, it was drowned out by the crack of his enormous weapon firing. Six feet of heavy yew pole, with a five pound, pyramidal armor piercing head of solid iron flew on leather fletchings across the water in a blur¡­ and hit with explosive force, directly in the creature¡¯s right side cluster of leg joints. That impact staggered the beast, collapsing it to one side with the violence of the blow and then sending it to the ground, as one leg dangled useless and shattered. # Rio dashed up, swinging a long iron hook on a chain and hurled it over the shell, letting the hook dangle among the messy business going on among its right legs. He released his grip on the chain at the instant he hurled it, as sparks and jagged lightning shot along the iron links, down into the anchor, buried in the wet sand. Rio sprinted across the sand behind the raging seafood, as the energies sparking and buzzing around the entity grounded out and dispersed. Rio was there in an instant, dashing to his brother, pushing his gift for swiftness in motion to the limit, with a short, wordless prayer to Eponna. He grabbed his fallen brother by one armored boot and started hauling him back to the house, as another almighty crack resounded. # Dante and Yusef were hurling one bolt after another at the beast and making some headway. Their second shot glanced off the massive shell, leaving a crack, but not much more. The third struck true and hammered into one of the beast¡¯s claws, leaving a shattered, pulpy mess behind and a pincer the size of a merchant¡¯s wagon snipping at the sand, all alone with no one to pinch. The mutant thing still had plenty to offer though. There were enough pinchers, pokers and creepy eyestalks to go around, as it continued to rampage in mindless fury. ¡°Does that thing have a mouth, with teeth? That makes it so much worse, for some reason.¡± Marc grumbled, while spotting for Nicolai, still holding fire on the second ballista. ¡°Incoming lads¡­¡± Esperanza called out to her crew. ¡°Let¡¯s see where this is going. Falco says this one is not hostile. He¡¯s a terrible flirt.¡± ¡°Contact, contact coming in from the sea¡­¡± Nicolai barked into the comms system. ¡°Pretty big, moving at pace near the surface¡­¡± Esperanza spotted it when a break in the clouds lit up a bright blue, color shifting mass moving under the surface. Falco swam nearby, not too near though, the thing was an absolutely enormous crab¡­ a bright iridescent¡­ colorful crab. ¡°We have another guest at this boiling pot, it would seem.¡± ¡°I used to know which end of the world was up, Esperanza¡­¡± Dante muttered with a smile at his mad adopted sister. ¡°Let¡¯s get this big bastard in the kettle, before we start melting any butter.¡± He launched another massive armor piercing bolt at the thing and grumbled, as it shattered against that stone hard shell. From the surf another huge crustacean surged, not nearly so big and far more colorful in the rapidly shifting sunlight and lightning. ¡°Pretty¡­¡± Dante muttered. The newcomer began scuttling and scurrying around the much larger creature, harrying it in circles and flashing beams of light into the monster¡¯s one good eye stalk from its shell of iridescent crystal. Yusef swatted him on the armored shoulder, signaling he was ready to fire. ¡°It¡¯s a hot one, brother!¡± He shouted over the storm and screams of the wounded behemoth. ¡°What is it?¡± The massive bolt looked a little different than the usual; the point was bronze, just a basic, conical bodkin bolt, with a weird corkscrew arrangement and some spring loaded barbs that would really not help with penetration¡­ The shaft itself had a spiral groove cut down its length all the way to the fletchings. The younger man shrugged and waved his hands helplessly in the face of his brother¡¯s query. ¡°No hints? Just, it¡¯s a ¡®hot one¡¯?¡± ¡°The tag said ¡®for hardened targets¡¯, that¡¯s all.¡± Yusef shrugged again. ¡°Fire when ready, I can¡¯t wait to see!¡± ¡°Mad wizards¡­¡± He grumbled as he depressed the firing lever. The ship lurched and groaned as her internal witchery responded to whatever blasphemy Ranza¡¯s mad brother had wrought. The bolt hurtled away, seeming to fly rather slowly on its course¡­ # Rio dragged his absurdly heavy brother by his armored boot, thankful for the hard packed, rain wet sand. He still plowed a deep, wide furrow with Wilf¡¯s unconscious and still shuddering body. The stupid, ravenous creature couldn¡¯t seem to decide which way to scuttle, not having a brain to speak of. The hook and chain wedged firmly in the wreckage of its right legs, with its buried anchor, gave just enough resistance that the damned idiot started scrambling in a circle. Rio hauled his slowly waking brother to the house, where Amy waited to help roll the burly, armored mess inside and slam the door. The lean warrior lad took up his crossbow and returned to the loft to continue harrying the creature; while Amy cracked Wilf out of his charred armor and checked him over. ¡°He¡¯s waking up¡­¡± She called up to the loft, between the monster¡¯s bellows, whistling and bubbling wails. ¡°Wilf, you ok?¡± She patted his cheeks and called his name as his eyes fluttered open. ¡°Lightning crab¡­¡± He gasped. ¡°We figured that out¡­ hang loose, Ranza and the boys have it in hand¡­ and we have help.¡± She shrugged. ¡°Fae crystal crab entity¡­ I think. Maybe it¡¯s a monster as well and just hates that big jerk too.¡± The storm kept rolling, but the clouds seemed to be breaking up a bit. Patches of deep blue began appearing in the sky, letting shafts of golden, late afternoon sun strike the remarkable crystalline being. It always seemed to be in position to reflect those rays into the monster crab¡¯s good eye, as it scurried around the huge beast, being obnoxious. ¡°It¡¯s really pretty anyway.¡± She sighed, while rolling Wilf into a blanket. # That crystal crab¡¯s harassment and whatever the kids had done to the thing, left it wide open for Dante¡¯s ¡®Hot One¡¯. That simple bronze bodkin smacked into the thing¡¯s shell and stuck, piercing just a foot into the rocky massif. The barnacle it went through was having a bad time though. Spring loaded barbs jammed into the fractured shell and wedged in tight with a crunch that they heard over the surf and wind. ¡°Huh¡­ I expected more¡­¡± Yusef muttered in mild disappointment. After a heartbeat, a horrid grinding whirr began, as the flanged head of the bolt began turning inside its barbed collar, slowly screwing its way inside as the shaft of the bolt shortened behind it. # Stormcrab wasn¡¯t a great thinker¡­ wasn¡¯t equipped for it. He operated along the lines of: ¡®Can I eat that? Yes? No? Will that eat me? Yes? No? Fight or Flee? Hungry!¡¯ Now he was struggling to understand how none of these tasty morsels were inside it, but things kept jabbing it on the inside anyway! He¡¯d learned that lesson when he swallowed a stonepoint pufferfish whole¡­ Back when he was just a wee five hundred pound crablet. Now he made sure to snip everything up neatly before jamming it into himself. This time the trouble didn¡¯t seem to come from the eating side of Stormcrab¡­ He snipped at the scuttling shiny morsel that wouldn¡¯t leave¡­ scoring a lucky hit and seizing his smaller cousin in first one claw, then another. He tried to bring his big, crushing claw around but it was over there on the beach, a few dozen yards away, slacking off. He struggled with his smaller but surprisingly strong and tough opponent for a moment and got really mad. Without Crushie on the job, his pinchers and cutters weren¡¯t doing it¡­ and that sensation of buzzing pain wouldn¡¯t stop¡­ # The boat crew watched in mild horror, as the monster got ahold of the smaller creature, seizing it by one shiny claw and its faceted jewel shell. It held on with two claws, pinning the creature, and scrabbled at its gem hard shell helplessly, while bubbling in frustration. During that titanic struggle, the six foot long crossbow bolt lodged in its shell slowly screwed itself into the creature, inexorably grinding on until only the fletchings remained visible sticking from that flanged and barbed collar. ¡°Gross!¡± Nicolai gasped from the fore battery; he punctuated that by launching a bolt from his own weapon. Without pausing to see their result, he and Marcus began rewinding the massive crossbow¡¯s windlass, determined to throw more steel and wood at the problem on shore. Dante watched the creature, while the fore battery hit it twice more, knocking a leg off the left side and crippling another claw. That shot staggered the beast, lining it up for Dante¡¯s shot, right into its weird, impossible primate mouth. The gibbering monkey lips and teeth vanished in a shower of monster¡­ whatever, as twenty pounds of well wrought weapon obliterated its tender insides. The behemoth staggered from side to side and collapsed just above the tideline, leaking green and gray ooze from its gaping shell. # The jeweled crab skittered and pranced over the sand for a few long moments, seeming to dance with joy around its defeated foe.. and began feasting on the stuff running out of it with glee. Amy watched with Rio, from the loft, while the creature went to town on crab guts. ¡°I¡¯m gonna withhold judgment.¡± She muttered. Ranza and her crew held station in deep water, while Rio and Amy performed the ritual needed to repair their home and pier. Sunset and the first hints of moonlight made the whole job easier, as they spun the magic of shadow and moonlight into false, temporary reality. Each swaying step she took in their ritual circle, as she played her guitar was a piece of the magical construct. In the same way, each beat and rattle of Rio¡¯s drum and the sound of his voice from outside the circle formed the illusion. Amy¡¯s clear, ringing soprano forged moonlight and illusion into being as she sang and danced to her brother¡¯s tune. ¡°Always hits my feels when you sing ¡®Guantanamera¡¯, Amy¡­¡± Rio sighed as they collapsed in Wilf¡¯s front room. ¡°Thanks for that.¡± # They didn¡¯t have long to wait, before the adults showed up, wet, exhausted and boiling with excitement. ¡°Falco assures this unworthy that the ¡®ghost crab¡¯ is not hostile¡­¡± Esperanza muttered, once she was in a robe. ¡°And please stay indoors tonight¡­ and some of the morning, Falco has ¡®Guests¡¯ in the bath.¡± High feminine chittering and giggles from the bathing pool said all that was needed. ¡°Way to go Falco¡­¡± Rio mumbled with a grin, which got him an elbow in the ribs from Amy. ¡°You¡¯re disgusting!¡± She giggled. ¡°I¡¯m disgusting, but the dolphin soup swirling in the hotspring is just fine?¡± He mumbled right back at her. ¡°Double standards!¡± ¡°Yup, cause Falco is cute¡­ have you seen the fluke on that boy?¡± She and Ranza went off to bed, chattering girlishly about ¡®Darling Falco¡¯s sweet fluke. The boys bunked down in the common room with the snoring bundle of Wilf beside the fire, since the girls had commandeered his room. There were bunks in the loft, but the sailors just melted into whatever sofa or chair they landed in. ¡°Nicolai, you have the watch¡­¡± Dante muttered as he slowly drifted away. ¡°Drat!¡± The young sailor muttered as he got up to brew the coffee. # Ch: 4 Twinkle Twinkle Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 4 Twinkle Twinkle Morning came creeping in late in the little sheltered cove, low scattered clouds promised unstable weather¡­ And a beautiful sunrise over the shallow sea. Of the mysterious jewel crab there was no sign, while remnants of the big bastard abounded everywhere. The boat crew dragged the biggest pincer; the one Dante had so neatly shot off of the monster, over to the house. That took a bit of clever rigging and a truly prodigious effort, but a crab claw bigger than a merchant wagon was too good to pass up. The rest of the creature had ended up just outside the magical boundary ward of their mystically conjured ¡®camp¡¯ by the water¡­ and was crawling with local scavengers. Crabs, lobsters, gulls and other less readily identifiable sea and sky creatures were everywhere on the massive hillock of a corpse. The Ward family magical arts kept the vermin, crawlers and nibblers away and muted the raucous cries of the squabbling scroungers as well. Their dear departed guest, the big, carapaced and hungry boi had been far more than a simple illusion ward could manage to repel. The little troop of sailors watched the sunrise together on the porch of Wilford¡¯s sturdy stone home. Safely on the other side of the house from whatever Falco and his ¡®guests¡¯ were still up to in the baths. There was a lot of squealing and chittering going on that the sailors couldn''t understand and the three kids refused to translate. They did blush and fidget awkwardly whenever they were asked what one bit or another of dolphin speech meant. The sailors only played their game with the kiddos when Esperanza wasn¡¯t within earshot, she would gleefully translate even the most¡­ startlingly salty passages of seagoing mammal pillow talk, if asked. Amy and the boys came back from their morning workout and sparring session on the beach, reconciled to showering in the house, since the hotspring baths were still ¡®occupied¡¯. They strolled in Wilf¡¯s front door, sweaty and tired, right into a situation. ¡°...octopus man and a whole pod of sexually adventurous wright whales¡­¡± Esperanza was patiently explaining¡­ something to Nicolai and the boys. They all had expressions on their faces that spoke of dread and shock, bordering on trauma. Amy reversed right out of the house and took a walk up the beach with Rio and Wilf, while her auntie explained the birds, bees, starfish and cephalopods, in excruciating and carnal detail to her crew. ¡°I guess she got tired of their game¡­¡± Amy sighed happily. ¡°That was embarrassing! Whenever they¡¯d mention it, I couldn¡¯t help but listen for a while.¡± ¡°Yeah, our uncles suck.¡± Wilf agreed good naturedly as they stripped and leapt into the steam feeding into their little cove, for a wash in the deep pool of cold water. Amy and Wilf both had actual, active storage gifts; non dimensional pockets they could stuff objects into, to retrieve them later. Wilf¡¯s even held stuff in near perfect stasis; so, even weeks after they¡¯d last been back to Wheatford, the stack of towels he set on a fallen log in the sunshine were warm, dry and smelt of the laundry from their childhood home. Amy had a few bars of fine milled soap from the alchemist in Port Ellis tucked away and each of them had a change of clothes¡­ that helped salvage the morning. They splashed and goofed for a while, giving their aunts familiar, Falco the aquatic libertine and his bevy of blue and gray damsels plenty of time to vacate the hotspring bath. Like the three cottages, the garden and pier; their hotspring baths followed the trio on their journeys. The whole arrangement would simply vanish when they departed and reappear in a new place, when summoned through secret family arts and rituals¡­ They weren¡¯t exactly secret, the spells and ritual required very specific knowledge, skills, gifts and Contracts with spiritual beings from beyond¡­ As well as a huge quantity of raw magical energy that most humans could never channel and survive. Amy dove deep, all the way to the bottom, enjoying the dappled sunlight on the sparkling sand¡­ very sparkly sand. She slowly and calmly swam to the surface and called to her brothers. ¡°Guys¡­ the jewelcrab is right below us, buried in the sand, pretending I didn¡¯t see it.¡± ¡°Riiight¡­¡± Rio muttered unhappily as he swam for shore. Rather than making a speedy exit from the lair of the unknown crab creature, Wilf was bobbing in the middle of the pool, contemplating a large knot of driftwood. ¡°Wilf¡­ Crab creature¡­ let¡¯s get geared up¡­¡± He urged gently. ¡°We have driftwood at home.¡± ¡°S¡¯not driftwood. It¡¯s a wooden idol¡­?¡± He mumbled as he swam for shore, towing a good sized chunk of wet timber that really did look like a person seated in the lotus position. A hunk of driftwood that looked an awfully lot like a wooden person, in a meditative trance, smiling beatifically¡­ with garlands of orchids and tropical moss crowning him in radiant natural glory¡­ With bright gray green eyes that almost seemed to blink in the sunshine. ¡®We¡¯d hoped to get one of you alone for a chat¡­ three will do nicely, young druidlings.¡¯ He said cheerily, in their minds. ¡®My crustacean friend is shy around humanoids¡­ she terrifies most mortals on sight. I am Ignis, the spirit of this shabby little former paradise. Down in the depths, hidden rather poorly in the sand, is my darling¡­ we¡¯ll call her Gemma, since her actual name is a high frequency sound that would leave you all temporarily deaf.¡¯ ¡°We¡¯re just here taking a bath, we¡¯ll get out of your way.¡± Rio answered carefully. ¡°Visitors, fae and outsiders should speak to the captain, not her crew, sir.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s you I wish to speak to¡­ though there is another of you, still in your dwelling.¡± He murmured in an audible voice of rustling leaves, wind and waves. ¡°In ancient times, long ago¡­ there was a race of men¡­¡± He whispered. ¡°Before our long imprisonment and isolation within this aura of hateful misery and despair. I hear a long forgotten word on the wind, when a drifting breeze or the tides carry a fragment of the outside to our shores¡­¡± He sighed to the children gathered on his sandy shore. ¡°Isekai¡­? Do you know this word?¡± ¡°Our parents say we shouldn¡¯t talk to strange outsiders and fae¡­¡± Wilf grumbled at the being he¡¯d towed to shore. Everytime they looked away, the wooden man was in a subtly different pose, or had changed the expression on his face in some amusing way. ¡°Since this is my island, in ways both material and spiritual, you would be my guests¡­¡± Ignis whispered cheerily. ¡°I gave you my name and my lady fair¡¯s as well¡­ That suggests that you are the strangers, not us. To be clear, I am what you mortals call a fae, the essence and spirit of this place. Gemma is the outsider, we¡¯ve been¡­ you mortals used to call it ¡®married¡¯, for a few centuries.¡± ¡°A fae and an outsider?¡± Amy asked, now that she was dressed and fully entranced by the jolly little man and his tale. ¡°There¡¯s got to be a story there!¡± She pulled a camp chair out of her storage gift and settled in on the beach with her towel around her hair to listen. ¡°Amy¡­¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°We should really defer to the captain¡­¡± ¡°Is your captain the other one? The other Isekai, I feel?¡± He asked with a little more intensity. His wooden figure had leaned forward eagerly, when they glanced back. ¡°I would speak with them as well, in that case.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll let her know you wish to meet.¡± Rio answered diplomatically, while gripping Amy by her ear, Wilf collected the other lobe in a two knuckle grip and they hauled her back down the beach to the house. ¡°Thank mistress Gemma for her assistance last night!¡± She shouted, as they gently dragged her away. ¡°I¡¯m Amy, that¡¯s Wilf and Rio kidnapping me right now¡­ see you soon!¡± She sang to the wooden man sitting on the sand and watching the show with a bemused smile. ¡®I¡¯d heard they were an odd race¡­¡¯ He muttered silently to his mate in the depths. # ¡°He said ¡®Isekai¡¯? You¡¯re sure?¡± Uncle Ward¡¯s ghost murmured from a comfy chair by the fire. ¡°Yeah¡­ it¡¯s what they call the protagonists in all those weird stories Papa has stored in his brain.¡± Amy replied helpfully. ¡°I never heard it or saw it anywhere else.¡± ¡°Remember, that¡¯s my brain too honey. It¡¯s what they called people like us, in stories where we came from. Folks transported to another world and transformed in the process.¡± He murmured tiredly. ¡°They probably want some feat of daring do or a fetchquest performed¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m in!¡± Amy chirped happily. ¡°I really like their vibe!¡± ¡°No! No vibes, no crazy misadventures!¡± Wilf complained. ¡°I wanna get my Adventurer¡¯s badge, getting in more trouble is not in my plan.¡± ¡°Seconded.¡± Rio mumbled. ¡°I¡¯m ready for them to stop treating us like kids, that means we gotta stop getting in trouble¡­¡± ¡°Hey! Traitors!¡± She scowled at her brothers, but there was nothing behind it but frustration. Ward butted in before his brother¡¯s kids could get distracted. ¡°I can¡¯t really take physical form here until that ritual gets broken, but I need to talk to this guy. Ask if he can come by after the moon comes up; I think I can manifest¡­ something then.¡± ¡°What if we break the ritual? We were there for the last one¡­¡± Amy offered. ¡°No.¡± Every adult in the room, Wilf and Rio all said at once. ¡°Dante, stay with the kids. Nicolai, come with this one, we go to meet our presumed hosts.¡± She grumbled unhappily. ¡°Trade is this poor captain¡¯s calling, not monsters and otherworldly beings.¡± # ¡°I was just waiting around, like we do¡­ contemplating erosion and waiting to see what comes next. It¡¯s a volcano thing¡­ we don¡¯t say ¡®extinct¡¯ we say, patiently waiting for more magma.¡± The smiling and cheerful wooden man was still seated on the sandy shore beside that deep freshwater pool, relaxing in the early evening moonlight as he spun his tale. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. ¡°Then I felt an itch in one of my empty magma chambers¡­ Suddenly, boom!¡± He clapped his hands together with a woody clatter for emphasis. ¡°I¡¯m forcibly manifested inside my own island, in some filthy cultists¡¯ obscene demon ritual! They¡¯re trying to pull some tentacled ballbag in from the outside to do¡­ Gods and spirits, who knows what!¡± He paused to clear his throat of a tiny hermit crab, patting the little fellow and sending him on his way. ¡°Well, I¡¯m not about to be used as the power source for an unclean, dimension hopping eldritch sack of guts¡¯ foray into this world¡­¡± He smirked wickedly and gave a little sniff of distaste. ¡°I may have dropped a few tons of the roof on the human cultists¡¯ undead, worm riddled master, sealing the humans inside forever.¡± He gave a mischievous smile. ¡°The sentient demonic bowel worms animating their master escaped through fissures in my stone¡­ into my coconut crab infested island¡­ surrounded by the salty sea.¡± He said with deep satisfaction. ¡°Watching them perish slowly, over a few weeks, was a fine treat that I enjoyed deeply. Their ritual circle however¡­¡± ¡°It kept going, drawing something in?¡± Dante asked softly, far out of his depth as a simple water worker. His Contract with the spirit of Water gave him some insight into magical structures and rituals, but not much. ¡°Yes, but not what they expected at all. Their shoddy, ill cast and interrupted ritual called forth Gemma, instead. Their malformed spell dragged her from her home in the jeweled seas of the deep ether, far beyond mortal ken. She would be what many call a ¡®demon¡¯.¡± He said very carefully. ¡°She is not some ravening horror, simply a person snatched from her home¡­ like you, isekai.¡± He nodded to captain Ranza and the three kids, seated nearby on a fallen palm. Ward smiled at the deep, moonlit pool and nodded. ¡°This is not unfamiliar territory, strange as that might seem. I myself am a person drawn here from another world¡­ an isekai, as you say.¡± ¡°You smell more of the pantheon, the gods of mortals¡­ and dryads¡­ you really smell like dryads, a whole forest of them¡­ what are you?¡± The glib entity asked, sitting forward on the sand eagerly. ¡°Let¡¯s not get off on a tangent, friend¡­ I¡¯m the local god of Death and Vengeance¡­ and the dryad of the golden fig. Leave it at that for now, let¡¯s talk about your problem¡­¡± Ward answered evasively and looked to his friends, casting about for help. ¡°We¡¯ve seen these ritual circles before¡­¡± Amy said, stepping in confidently. ¡°Amy Ward, you were a babe of four when your parents and their friends dealt with that!¡± Esperanza butted in. ¡°This one promised you would not confront occult forces without proper supervision! Poor auntie Ranza is no wizard nor witch!¡± Wilford¡¯s attempt to make a case for confounding evil died stillborn on his lips, when she cut him off at the knees with a wagged finger. ¡°This one has seen you tumbling, arse naked and giggling on the lawn a few times since that day, Wilford Ward! Do not ¡®but auntie, it¡¯s evil¡­¡¯ your captain, young sailor!¡± All three kids turned on their uncle Ward, who hid behind captain Ranza and smiled benignly. ¡°I¡¯m not even really here physically¡­¡± Ignis tittered and sighed happily; fully able to manifest under the second moon¡¯s warm, mysterious light. ¡°I see you too require this delicious illumination to fully embody yourself, cousin Ward.¡± The tall lean and muscular man smiled, increasing the general level of illumination in the little fresh water pool by the sandy shore. ¡°You¡¯ve been isolated for a while, lord Ignis, things have been happening in the outside world¡­ We¡¯ve got friends who specialize in these kinds of occult problems.¡± ¡°On that note, I should introduce my wife, Gemma. Come on out sweetie!¡± He called to the waterside. ¡°Really?¡± Gemma cooed happily as moonrise allowed her to attempt a human form of her own. A beautiful, gleaming, jewel sprinkled, brown skinned girl of around four years old came splashing out of the pool, completely naked and smiling proudly. ¡°You said being a humanoid was hard!¡± She scoffed adorably, droplets of water glimmering on her bare skin among the multitude of tiny crystalline stars scattered over her body. ¡°Hardly a problem¡­ More¡­ Like¡­¡± She paused, looked up at Ward and Esperanza towering so high above her and frowned. ¡°Do Over! I call do over, Iggy, stop giggling!¡± She stamped her foot angrily at the smiling wooden man, sending a shower of glittering sparks into the air around her. She raised a ferocious finger at the group of amused people and slowly backed into the pool for her ¡®do over¡¯. ¡°I¡¯m going to give you such a pinch!¡± She scolded her grinning husband as she slipped beneath the placid water again. A moment later the same child emerged, in the form of a beautiful mature, dark haired, dark eyed woman, draped in a gown of shimmering crystal beads. ¡°Childish¡­¡± She muttered fondly at the giggling wooden man seated on a fallen palm beside her. ¡°As Iggy said, I was dragged here and forcibly manifested into a physical form by some idiots who are long since dust¡­ Yet I remain here. Now I¡¯ve decided that this is home, since my Iggy cannot leave and join me in the deeps.¡± ¡°We came to ask if you would please just leave, we¡¯re happy as things are¡­¡± The wooden man said softly. ¡°Especially now that Stormcrab is gone, he¡¯s been a nuisance for a while.¡± ¡°We would¡­ but there are probably at least six human souls, trapped in endless torment under your island. That¡¯s where the aura of forbiddance comes from.¡± Ward murmured softly. ¡°We don¡¯t have a problem with¡­¡± He waved his hands to indicate the general situation. ¡°Those people have been stuck down there as the power source for this thing long enough. We¡¯ll have an expert assess the problem and find a solution.¡± ¡°An expert? Some sorcerer or mad wizard? That¡¯s what started this whole mess¡­¡± Iggy grumbled, smoldering slightly as he became upset. ¡°Now Iggy¡­ calm down. If those poor things can be released, I can¡¯t refuse. They are an abomination, no matter how convenient.¡± Gemma murmured. ¡°They are also conveniently indestructible, so far as I can tell. I¡¯ll find a way to stay with you, no matter what else happens¡­ I¡¯m sure their expert is very good.¡± ¡°We¡¯re sending for Becky, high priestess of Marduk, god of man¡¯s knowledge. You couldn¡¯t ask for better,¡± Ward replied confidently. # ¡°I really miss having a dreamworld we could all visit together¡­¡± Ward sighed for the thousandth time; his oft repeated complaint stemming from the death of his mad, mortal brother several years prior. That poor Fool¡¯s soul had been wedged into a gap in reality, lingering there between existing and non existence for centuries uncounted as the world spun below him¡­ Until finally he was spat out, onto an unremarkable woodland meadow, naked and confused. The resulting trauma had formed a strange, halfreal world of shared dreams that other mortals could enter. There, they could interact freely with the spiritual entities haunting the poor doomed creature. Now the Fool¡¯s moon, or the Madman¡¯s moon; depending on where on the globe it was shining at the moment¡­ was the domain of Ward, immortal demigod of Death, Vengeance and the dryad of the golden fig. Sadly, normal mortals could no longer dream themselves there, as the death of its creator severed its ties to the mortal realm. The moon remained, nearly real, sailing above the world, as a playground for the immortals and a memorial to the Fool. The moon was a vast forest of his dryads, from all around¡­ they joined the forest from all over the multiverse, bringing new and exciting definitions of ¡®everywhere¡¯. Ward stopped contemplating the verdant hills of his moon and focused up. ¡°I passed the message to Willow. She says Becky is sailing this way, she¡¯ll supervise the ritual with her team. We¡¯ll meet them in Centrepoint Harbor in three days.¡± ¡°And Gemma? She¡¯s really sweet¡­ and she helped crack that huge claw open. It was delicious, wasn¡¯t it?¡± Amy wheedled at her uncle. ¡°I¡¯m not your dad, I can¡¯t be distracted or bribed with monster meat¡­¡± Ward complained. ¡°No matter how sweet, succulent and briny it may be. Do I still have butter on my chin?¡± # Centrepoint was a full day¡¯s sail north, Esperanza¡¯s Bounty was the fastest light cargo vessel on the shallow sea, but she was still a cargo ship. With the Shallow Sea still troubled by the storm and squalls threatening just across the coastal range in the open sea, Ranza wanted to make the run before the weather could close in again. Sailing out before dawn, with cheerful waves for the two mismatched beings on the shore, standing in the fading moonlight. The long, three masted sloop cut through the waves, running into the wind, with all her sails down. Esperanza stood at the helm, while the three youngest members of her crew meditated, with bronze ear cuffs on their lobes, powering the musical, magical, mad engine in her depths with their personal Mana. ¡°Feel free to get in more trouble, kids¡­ I¡¯ll take you on a punishment cruise whenever you wish!¡± Auntie Ranza cackled, as her mighty ship surged forward into the surf and wind. These last six months have been lovely¡­ I can¡¯t manage more than an hour or two at this speed!¡± She shouted into the wind at the exhausted kids on the mid deck. ¡°Neither can we¡­!¡± Amy shouted back. ¡°What¡¯s that? ¡®Faster please¡¯...? Certainly! Anything for my beloved children!¡± She called with a grin, as the ship moaned softly and began draining their Mana even more aggressively. By the time Centre Port¡¯s harbor entrance came into sight, they were ready to eat and turn in early, aboard ship. The ship moored to a buoy as the sun fell and Dante took Bounty¡¯s skiff in, to negotiate with the harbormaster. ¡°No fair¡­¡± Amy yawned in protest. ¡°You wore us out so we¡¯d be too tired to go into town!¡± ¡°We will see the sights of the city tomorrow, my darlings. It is a safe enough place¡­ But any port town is best seen by daylight and in the company of trusted kin.¡± Their complaints and griping were mere formalities, they were wiped out and going nowhere in any case. They had the forward ¡®cabin¡¯ to themselves; a triangular room at the bow, designed to serve as a cargo hold and occasional crew quarters. It came equipped with two narrow but comfy foldaway bunks beside the hatchway and set of cushions stowed in a locker, that assembled quickly to form a large V shaped berth for Wilf¡¯s massive frame. They piled into their bunks, drew the curtains and let the ship rock them toward sleep... Wilf woke when Rio climbed into his bunk and settled in with a sigh. A moment later Amy slid in on the other side, bracketing their big younger brother between them. ¡°G¡¯nite.¡± They whispered in three part harmony, as they had almost as long as they could remember. Centre Port was big, bustling and loud. Gulls screamed, children laughed and ran on the shore, while smithies and shipwrights banged and clattered away. Chaos ruled in the crowded port town¡¯s dockside slums, along with hawkers and merchants, food vendors and any number of voices raised in commerce. Three young people ferried the captain and first officer over to the commercial pier from their deepwater mooring, before sailing to the docklands boat landing, where small craft not unlike theirs skittered across the water. Most were poled, rowed or towed by aquatic familiars, though a few moved without obvious propulsion, like Missadventure. Her varnished red oak and elegant, understated, treble clef figurehead stood out among the brightly painted canoes, skiffs and kayaks, as did her elegant stripbuilt construction and sleek lines. Wilf and Rio slipped onto the dock and tied her up, while Amy fielded questions from curious locals. Her unusual construction led to questions about propulsion, so the boys had to start busking, once they were off the municipal pier. Down on the corner, out in the street, Willy ¡®an the Poor Boys are playin! Bring a nickel, tap yer feet! Wilf¡¯s guitar and Rio¡¯s bongos drew every eye and ear for a few blocks, when they set it off. Their musical distraction got the boat aficionados to look away long enough for Amy to stash the boat in her unique storage gift. Honeycomb Hideout: Animus, Will, Mind and Resilience. A non dimensional rift in space has been tethered to your soul/shade/ghost. Inanimate material may be stored safely in this space, subject to mass, size and occult limitations. Retrieval and storage of physical matter is only possible under direct moonlight or when unobserved by sentients. Complete Contract suite to ameliorate these restrictions. Fitting the boat in her gift was challenging, even with all the work they¡¯d put in to make it easier to stash. Of course, Wilf did most of the actual work¡­ which was what brought them into town, he needed lumber and supplies. Amy pocketed the small boat and put her hood up, as she slipped into the distracted bustle. She rejoined her brothers as the song ended, they dismissed the crowd by passing the hat; that worked like magic in the rough and tumble dock ward. Once the request for donations to the players went out, even the curious boat enthusiasts departed rapidly. ¡°I¡¯ll see what we can find in town¡­ don¡¯t get your hopes up.¡± Wilf sighed to his disconsolate brother. ¡°We can work on making a new drum set when we get home.¡± ¡°Stupid crab¡­ it¡¯s like he went in to trash my kit! And the banjo¡­ that was yours!¡± Rio grumbled. ¡°He ate every scrap of magical hide and skin, cause he was just a mindless appetite in a shell¡­¡± Wilf mumbled softly. ¡°Monsters are their hunger, the malice they seem to exhibit is just that, ravening hunger¡­ speaking of, what¡¯s that smell?¡± An enticing breeze wafted something vaguely familiar under their noses, setting the trio to sniffing, one after another. ¡°We have four hours ashore¡­ let¡¯s make them count. First, we find that smell and eat¡­ whatever it is ¡®til we can barely move.¡± Amy Ordered crisply. ¡°Move out team, Rio, take point¡­ let¡¯s track it down.¡± They moved in a loose formation, slipping through the crowd in near silence, communicating in soft whispers over their personal comms devices, as they attempted to triangulate the aroma. ¡°Down that alley¡­ it¡¯s close¡­ There!¡± Three young people in common seafarer¡¯s clothes descended on a lonely cart, down a shabby alley selling fried groundworm nuggets, groundworm skewers and chopped wormhash, just like Mom¡¯s. Only the poorest of the poor would eat ¡®trashworm¡¯ and even then unwillingly¡­ except for orphans everywhere, to them it always tasted like home. ¡°We need six orders¡­ and where can we get some rice to go with that?¡± Rio asked desperately. ¡°Do we have sauces?¡± He asked Wilf, the man with the food supplies in his innate storage gift. ¡°All good, sweet soy, bibbly que, sweet and sour, hot mustard, sweet chili, the lot.¡± He answered confidently. ¡°I even have a bottle or three of experimental wildfire spicy plum sauce. It¡¯s a little volatile though.¡± The old man running the cart nodded to them knowingly. ¡°Brothers, sister, welcome to my stall.¡± He said warmly. ¡°My sister sells rice, vegetable curry and steamed lentils around the corner. I set up around here cause¡­ groundworm, you know.¡± They shared a secret smile, the ¡®Citizens¡¯ eschewed monster meat generally, considering it low class and fit only for orphans and Adventurers. Only a few adventurous normies knew the rich flavors of deathshead locust, Snappingsnail innards¡­ or the unctuous, meaty goodness of ¡®trashworm¡¯. ¡°Thanks, brother¡­ Where¡¯s the guild hall in town?¡± Amy asked happily, as a huge cloud of greasy steam raised from the cart. ¡°North side of town, Ye kids are new¡­ new members of the family?¡± He asked gently, eyeing their clothes and personal effects. ¡°Guildmaster¡¯s fair but tough. I retired from the life ¡®afore you were born, kids. Be brave, I know it looks hopeless now...¡± She flashed her Adventure badge with a grin. ¡°We¡¯re Team Ragamuffin, chartered Adventurers, old timer. Thanks for the tip though!¡± She chirped happily as she held out their three big wooden bowls to receive their order. ¡°Youth today, ye act like there arn¡¯t enough monsters to go around¡­ Good on ye¡­ as long as ye come home safe.¡± He punctuated his sage advice with ladles and baskets of gleaming junk food; to which Wilf and Rio both sighed and nodded at their sister in agreement. ¡°She¡¯s the troublesome one, eh?¡± He asked the two lads, who nodded soberly. ¡°Pure trouble.¡± Rio agreed softly. ¡°Hey!¡± She grumbled sourly, while the geezer loaded their bowls with steaming, fried, grilled, stewed and hashed worm meat. # Ch: 5 New Kids On The Block Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 5 Ch: 5 New Kids On The Block Loaded with monster meat and feeling fine, the three youths in colorful and clean, if otherwise unremarkable common garb vanished back into the busy streets of town, moving together in a loose, casual formation. ¡°Second hand shop on the right, I¡¯m peeking in.¡± Rio muttered softly into his collar. ¡°Not what we¡¯re looking for. Wilf, pawnshop?¡± He whispered a few moments later. ¡°Going in, looks promising.¡± He reappeared a moment later shaking his head. ¡°All jewelry and such.¡± ¡°I got one! Two snares and a tom tom¡­¡± Amy chirped in their ears, whispering to them with her own arts. ¡°Ooo, and he has a bass drum too¡­¡± She paused for a moment, before her voice cut back in, sounding exasperated. ¡°No mister, I¡¯m not making fun of you¡­ We really are interested in buying¡­ Guys, I need young master Rio in here¡­ we have a situation.¡± With a sigh, Rio ducked behind Wilf¡¯s massive frame and slipped out of his seaman¡¯s common coat, he passed it to his brother, who passed back a neat bundle back to him. Switching into a colorful silk jacket, a round silk cap with an amber beaded tassel and a pair of fine leather shoes, rather than simple rope sandals completed the hasty transformation. While Rio changed elements of his garb, Wilf manifested his armor around himself and a light truncheon dangling from his belt. Dressed as a faceless bodyguard, he formed up behind the ¡®young master¡¯ with a soft, woody clatter. ¡°All right, let¡¯s do this.¡± Together, the two young men entered the shop with bold, swaggering steps and Rio¡¯s blustering voice. ¡°Amy, I sent you looking for gifts for my cousins¡­ Not to chatter with storekeepers, while I wait in the street¡­¡± He huffed in the pinched and lisping accent of minor upland nobility. ¡°Apologies, young master¡­ The good merchant seems unwilling to sell to me.¡± She huffed at the balding, doughy shopkeeper, who now seemed quite interested in trade with the young master. There were only a few decent instruments scattered about, as Rio and Wilf peered around the dim, dusty, junk shop with experienced eyes. Predictably, Amy had already skimmed the cream of the percussion crop, standing over a small heap of worn and battered drums. ¡°Well, if they aren¡¯t for sale, we¡¯d best move on then. Good day shopkeeper.¡± The handsome and well dressed young man said with a smile. ¡°Come along, we¡¯ll find souvenirs elsewhere¡­¡± He jingled his purse subtly as he turned to leave, the sound sent shivers down the shopkeeper¡¯s spine; he knew the sound of gold and bronze rubbing together. ¡°Young master¡­ you shan¡¯t find better instruments anywhere in Centre Port¡­¡± He moaned desperately. ¡° # Most of the geezer¡¯s stock was junk; even so, they left with the makings of... something, if they could find some decent hides and get them re-skinned and tuned up. ¡°A tanner? No¡­ not enough fur bearing animals on the island¡­ at least, none we are allowed to hunt¡­ more¡¯s the pity. We get our leather and most finished leather goods from the mainland. Try the avenue of cobblers.¡± The shopkeeper oozed, when Wilf asked about new drumheads, or their makings. ¡°If the young master wishes, I can inquire about having them serviced before delivery¡­ for a minor cost¡­¡± Since he¡¯d already tried to squeeze them for way more than the real worth of the small collection of mismatched drums and percussion instruments they¡¯d gathered from his dusty and tatty wares, his entreaties went unanswered. The three kids bustled out into the bright, early summer morning and breathed in the sweet sunshine and warm breezes. The young master smiled at his maid and bodyguard, in the way an indulgent employer might and shrugged. It made quite an effect on the dismal slum streets. In his shiny gray leather shoes and long silk jacket of gray watered silk embellished with an embroidered sugar wasp in rich gold and black, sipping from an artfully gnarled duskmoon blossom. The bright and sparkling gold thread of the insect and delicate silvery spidersilk blossom, dangling from its vine, which curled into a subtle, bright green ¡®treble clef¡¯, fairly screamed ¡®outland money¡¯ to the locals. ¡®Young master Rio¡¯ drew keenly interested eyes all around, some seemed less than simply curious... His full veil of gray watered silk was not an uncommon affectation in town; many upper crusters wore a veil or shroud of some kind, among the ever present gnats and small flying insects on the island. The air around the trio always seemed to be clear of such nuisances somehow, suggesting an insect repelling gift or spell. Those too, were common and much in demand on the islands. Amy, dressed as a maid in bright blue skirts and a gray silk bodice, bearing a stylized wasp and flower sigil on her breast drew eyes as well. Not all, but some of the men on the street displayed an unhealthy interest in a young, pretty, cheery, dusky skinned servant girl, skipping along beside her master. Wearing a gray silk sash, with the same wasp and flower badge of a foreign house over his breastplate, Wilf led the way. He walked calmly, silent and enigmatic in his strange red lacquered wooden armor and face concealing, masked helm. While her huge brother played bodyguard, Amy had a blast, whistling and chatting gaily with hawkers and street vendors, as they strolled through the slums. The ¡®Avenue of the Cobblers¡¯ was more like a cul de sac of losers. The small, dead end street backed up to a marshy and foul smelling tent city, on the edge of the slum. Even if there was no tannery or hide curing operation going on, cobblers were always shunted to the back end of town, ¡®cause the stench of glue and constant hammering made them unwelcome among the ¡®quality¡¯. Amy bargained and haggled her way into a few sides of decent rawhide for way more than they were worth on the mainland¡­ When she rejoined her brothers in the street her displeasure was obvious. ¡°That other merchant¡¯s crack about not being ¡®allowed to hunt¡¯ for ¡®fur bearing animals¡¯ is making more sense¡­¡± She grumbled softly, while nodding subtly to the ragged tent city that began just a few yards away. Huts and sailcloth shelters huddled on any small rise in the land, while bamboo hovels raised on stilts stood in the low areas, all clustered into a compact little slum of its own. A rope fence staked on six foot poles served as a laundry line for ragged, much mended and worn out clothes, as well as demarking the limit of the little patch of homey unpleasantness. Among the hovels, a swarm of bunny, dog, cat, coyote and other beastkin children ran and laughed gleefully, hurling a ball of knotted rags among themselves. A few older children watched from the sidelines, along with an ancient rabbit woman whose ears nearly dragged the ground when she stood. Her huge brown eyes watched Rio with careful suspicion, as the three walked by, slyly observing from behind her floppy ears. ¡°Stay close.¡± Rio mumbled, feeling her suspicious eyes on him through his nascent sensory gift. ¡°Something¡¯s off here.¡± His budding aura sense kept tingling, warning him that they were under an unwelcoming, if not hostile gaze. ¡°Yeah, the merchant hinted that he wished they could hunt the ¡®fur bearing animals¡¯... The cobbler just outright said it. They really don¡¯t like beastkin here.¡± Amy grumbled softly. ¡°If we didn¡¯t need these skins¡­¡± Rio shot a sharply raised eyebrow at her, silently asking a question. ¡°Yeah, I checked¡­ Goat and steer hides, they¡¯re legit.¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°It burns me that I had to check¡­ This place blows.¡± Wilf had his eye on a huge, burly, pug ugly man, seated on the stoop of a shabby inn nearby, glaring at the ¡®young master¡¯ and his small party as well. His scarred face and huge, gnarled knuckles shouted violent, brawling tough guy in bold type with a few exclamation points. ¡°Let¡¯s move on¡­ we should go check in at the guild and then get back to Bounty.¡± Wilf mumbled softly. ¡°I was hoping to find a place to set up for a day or two¡­ can¡¯t get much work done aboard ship.¡± Getting checked in at the guild was no big deal, even if Rio¡¯s ¡®young master¡¯ shtick drew some looks heading into the Adventure compound. The farther into uptown they walked, through the dock and market wards and into the walled city itself, the more their ¡®master¡¯ kept up a running commentary. ¡°Amy, I notice the ruffles on my nightshirts are getting¡­ drab and flacid.¡± He murmured just loudly enough for a coyote woman laundress to hear, as they passed her at her labors. ¡°The rigors of travel are no excuse for limp cuffs and saggy lace!¡± When they passed a bakery he sniffed and snuffled the air, before demanding that Wilf: ¡°Fetch something for me¡­ I¡¯m peckish.¡± As he flipped a bronze half mark at him. He kept hamming it up and being overtly pompous and generally silly the entire walk through town, even when he had spiced honey syrup all over his fingers. ¡°Amy, find me a warm cloth to tidy up with, spit spot! I am inconvenienced!¡± For their parts Wilf and Amy played the much abused servants and scurried about at the young master¡¯s whims and shouts with exhausted looks on their faces. ¡°That dude is following us, the big guy from the cobblers street inn.¡± Amy murmured softly, while passing Rio a warm towel acquired from a tavern for a copper bit. ¡°Trouble?¡± He asked softly, while patching Wilf in with his collar button. Their armored brother was busy pretending to watch a girl in a lace trimmed summer dress stroll by, while the girl was watching Rio, through her eyelashes. ¡°He¡¯s just following us¡­ so far.¡± She murmured in her brothers¡¯ ears. ¡°Just keep your eyes open and on the task, Rio!¡± Amy had noticed the blonde girl in the summer dress too¡­ and noticed how Rio was smiling at the girl from behind his veil. ¡°Boys¡­¡± She muttered. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. ¡°That was no boy, beloved sister¡­¡± Rio whispered back. ¡°I¡¯ll draw a picture explaining the differences for you when we get back.¡± # That big ugly guy followed them all the way to the gates of the Adventure compound, always a half block or more away, barely detectable even with Amy¡¯s more advanced gift for perception. Once inside, they made another quick costume change, switching for leather armor in the northern style, well made and fitted but ordinary. Their weapons were also unremarkable, a steel shortsword and a long warhammer for Wilf, Rio¡¯s long spear and Amy¡¯s worn and serviceable rapier, a hand me down from aunt Becky. Together, with their apprentice badges, they presented the very aspect of newbie adventurers. ¡®Greenies¡¯ were a common sight in the guild yard, singly or in small parties, they appeared and disappeared from compounds like this with regularity. New made, itinerant Adventurers, looking to make a name for themselves flocked to Centre Port in particular, since monsters, pirates and raiders were a constant threat, few ships of any size sailed without at least a token force of warriors. They swaggered up, as greenies do, and presented themselves at the desk. ¡°Hiya!¡± Amy chirped happily to the huge grizzled slab of gnarled old clerk, in the robes of the countsman¡¯s guild behind the desk. ¡°We¡¯re a detachment of Team Ragamuffin, out of Wheatford. The rest of our party should be here in a few days¡­ we¡¯ll be operating independently in the area for a few weeks¡­ maybe less.¡± She smiled winsomely at the geezer and held out her hands for the ledger. ¡°Where¡¯s your supervising journeyman?¡± The huge old geezer asked sharply. ¡°We¡¯re crewing on trade ship Esperanza¡¯s bounty, the rest of our team will be arriving soon on Adventure yacht Moonrise.¡± She murmured unhappily. ¡°We¡¯re going to have a surplus of supervision, don¡¯t you worry.¡± ¡°Sign in or make your mark¡­¡± He had a voice of gravel and stone to go with his wrinkled, craggy face, but his penmanship was exquisite. His looping whorls and elegant script made the simple ledger entry a delight to the eye. He nodded with satisfaction when each of them signed his book with an actual signature, rather than a scrawled mark. ¡°Welcome to Centre Port, try and stay out of trouble and steer clear of the beastkin camp on the edge of the dock ward. Trouble¡¯s brewing and we don¡¯t want the Fisherman¡¯s Daughters to fillet you.¡± ¡°Fisherman¡¯s daughters?¡± Rio asked, contemplating a huge canon of rude and crude jokes that were old and crusty when the world was still young. The jests always centered on the¡­ libidinous, lusty nature and terrible ugliness of the eponymous ¡®Fisherman¡¯s daughter¡¯. ¡°That¡¯s the baroness¡¯ personal guard¡­ They are the meanest, ugliest, knuckle draggingist brutes you¡¯d ever care to meet. I retired from the force after thirty years busting heads for house Dunham.¡± He sighed wistfully, as he cracked his huge, gnarled knuckles. ¡°Some few idiots have been troubling the furryfolk, down in their camp. Her ladyship is about fed up, methinks.¡± ¡°Thanks for the warning, we¡¯ll keep our noses clean¡­ Does this guild have a craft hall?¡± Wilf asked hopefully. ¡°None to mention, haven¡¯t had a real smith in the guild for ages¡­ ask at the orphanage though. I hear the Orphan¡¯s League does some craft training, carpentry mostly.¡± He murmured his growly voice becoming pleasant. ¡°Wheatford Adventurers have a reputation, kids. A reputation for excellent work¡­ I¡¯m looking forward to seeing what you get up to.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll try and live up to your lofty expectations¡­¡± Rio answered glibly, leaning on his sheathed spear. ¡°So can we assume that the huge knuckle dragger who followed us from the Avenue of the Cobblers was one of the Duchess¡¯ guards in plain clothes?¡± ¡°August¡­¡± The old man murmured. ¡°He¡¯s a retired Daughter, like me¡­ we¡¯ve taken to watching out for those poor folks on our off time. I¡¯ll let him know you¡¯re ok¡­¡± He shot a stern look at the three kids. ¡°You are ok¡­ aren¡¯t you.¡± He told them firmly, rather than asking. ¡°We¡¯ve had trouble with a few bands in the past¡­ we don¡¯t put up with bigots in this guild.¡± The three kids just smiled and nodded in answer to the old warrior¡¯s challenge. They spent a few minutes looking through the guild shop. All the usual was on offer, cubes of violet healing unguent, insect repellant charms and other minor magical trinkets, a fair selection of well made swords, spears and other standard weapons, nothing even slightly special or enchanted, but quality goods. They had a small range of camp goods, tents and such, but it was their stock of monster parts for sale that drew Wilf. ¡°Monster shark skin?¡± He asked, holding up one of several rolls of some dried hide. ¡°Possessed manta ray, a big one too. Ate two pearl divers before someone took it. I hear it was a hell of a fight.¡± He rumbled. ¡°I¡¯ll give you a deal on it, folks are uptight about monster meat and leather around here.¡± Its shiny, black, pebbled surface was super rough and super tough to cut, turning Wilf¡¯s belt knife and blunting it when he tried to cut a sample free. Wilf couldn¡¯t drop two bronze marks for five huge rolls of rigid, dried shark skin fast enough. Amy slipped them into her storage, since they were too big to fit in Wilf¡¯s. ¡°Ooo, no more shopping, I¡¯m feeling pretty done in, boys.¡± Amy murmured when she had them all stashed. ¡°Let¡¯s see if they have some shop space at the orphanage¡­¡± Wilf rumbled, his fingers clearly itching to start working. They had shop space¡­ just space and a few simple hand tools. A little light home repair or perhaps the construction of a wooden fence would be doable with their collection of two rusty saws, a few carpenter¡¯s hammers and one big, blunt chisel with no handle. ¡°Sorry Rio¡­ gotta wait til we can set up the house.¡± The big craftsman mumbled unhappily. The stroll back to the docks led them through a fancier part of town for a few blocks. A quick costume change and ¡®young mistress Amy¡¯ strolled with her two guards, decked out in her long coat of cobalt blue silk and hilariously huge, heavily embellished tricorn hat. Her long gray silk baldric carried a ridiculous, ornate, sabre hilted belt knife, sheathed at her hip. With a hefty bronze pommel and a beefy guard, it was the hilt of a fine, serviceable and elegant weapon¡­ The reality of it gave her a farcical, comedic aspect; since her mighty sword was resting in a four inch long sheath. Rio was armed only with a stout walking stick, while Wilf had a cudgel at his belt, since only civic guards and the baroness¡¯ armsmen were allowed to carry ¡®weapons¡¯ in town, by local law. Outside the town proper, in the dock and market wards, things were much less regulated, if slightly less safe. Pretty mistress Amy went giggling and skipping along with her escorts, enjoying the uptown vibe. Wilf was leading and Rio following their ¡®mistress¡¯, as she had a grand time browsing the stalls and shopfronts. Her well made and outlandish costume led most observers to decide she was a silly rich girl, out to see the wide world on daddy¡¯s coin. Rio smiled as he caught snippets of gossip they passed; enjoying the favored pastime of most folk, whether noble, merchant, knight, or pauper. ¡°...must think she¡¯s in a story, dressed like that¡­¡± ¡°...claim they¡¯re from Wheatford, Like every pack of greenies lately¡­¡± The boys of uptown had their own contemplations as she passed, twirling the tails of her long coat and dancing along in an effortless heel-toe two step, that seemed almost more natural to the breezy young lass than walking. She slipped through the lightly crowded streets with a dancer¡¯s grace, followed by her two armored guardians, drawing more than a few glances. The boys followed their spinning, skipping sister through a lovely square, lined with shops, to the canalside tow path leading to the market ward and commons. At a small footbridge where the path narrowed, the dancing girl¡¯s steps faltered. ¡°I simply adore cosplay¡­ don¡¯t you?¡± The speaker was a middle aged woman in a fine gown of pale blue linen, embellished with tropical flowers at collar, cuffs and hem. She planted herself, arms akimbo and blocked the narrow towpath bridge over a slow flowing side canal, halting their progress. ¡°But, this is neither time nor place, my dear.¡± She scolded the young woman, from her secure perch atop her very high horse. She leaned closer, invading Wilf¡¯s space, as though he were a hitching post and hissed, venomous and low. ¡°Button your silly coat over those puffy little bee sting boobs of yours and stop creating a spectacle, hussy. You shan¡¯t lure any of the quality peoples¡¯ boys away today!¡± Amy smiled wide and struck a heroic pose, hands on her hips, coat flung back and head high. She shoved as much of her modest frontage at the offended matron as she had available, and huffed loudly enough to be heard across the canal and throughout the square behind them. ¡°Oh, good mistress? I was not aware that we were acquainted intimately enough to comment on each other¡¯s failings and faults¡­¡± She sang cheerily, while Wilf and Rio groaned softly. ¡°Unless you want me to shut up and be obedient¡­¡± That last was directed at her two armored brothers, who both raised their hands and backed away from the confrontation silently. By the time the boys had withdrawn to a safe distance, three more women ranging in age from a young tradeswoman in her early twenties to¡­ A desiccated mummy had arrived on the scene and was watching from the sidelines with interest, clapping her wrinkled, gnarled hands in glee. Miss twentysomething tossed her dark braid over her shoulder and glared at Amy like she¡¯d been caught stealing pies¡­ A look that the pirate princess knew well from her time in pirate training, stealing pies. Another woman joined her, also with dark hair, though hers was shot through with streaks of white and caught up in a bun that looked too tight for comfort. ¡°Mistress Agnew is quite correct.¡± The middle aged matron huffed firmly. ¡°Brazen and shameless!¡± ¡°Oh, the famed mistress Agnew¡­ lady of¡­?¡± Amy sang sweetly into their faces, with a volume that blew their hair about; it even loosened the iron maiden¡¯s bun a little. ¡°Enlighten me as to your authority over my attire and conduct.¡± Her smile widened just a little. ¡°Or perhaps you¡¯d like to try getting forceful¡­¡± Her hand rested on the hilt of her belt knife in a not even slightly casual way. ¡°Just so you are aware¡­ You face admiral Amy, terror of the Shallow Sea.¡± The groans from her two armored ¡®guards¡¯ got even louder, as giggles and delighted chatter erupted in the swiftly gathering crowd. ¡°...introduced herself as admiral Amy¡­¡± ¡°...the silly character from the kid¡¯s picture books¡­?¡± ¡°Amy¡­ please¡­¡± Wilf muttered into his collar button. ¡°Since you asked so nicely, I will¡­¡± She whispered back in his ear, while seeming to continue her ¡®conversation¡¯ with the three local women without interruption. ¡°...So, I¡¯m just going to ignore all three of you bitches and go on about my day. Come along boys¡­ they can move or get dunked in the canal.¡± Amy sang nice and loud, so there wouldn¡¯t be any misunderstandings. Her loud and bold declaration brought a large man with heavily scarred hands and hairless forearms out of a nearby smithy. He wiped his mitts on his leather apron and bellowed at the whole crowd. ¡°Yer boys wanna throw my wife in the canal, they have to toss me in first, missy.¡± He grumbled, getting right in front of the small girl in the outlandish costume. ¡°Ooh, sweetie, I¡¯m gonna pitch all three in the water, myself¡­ and you along with, if you don¡¯t stop impeding my path.¡± She chirped. While she was talking, Rio very carefully slipped behind Wilf¡¯s cloak and changed into common seaman¡¯s clothes. He passed his truncheon and armor to his big, younger brother, who had used his dimensional gift to change as well. He made double certain to stow their cudgels and belt knives away, as Amy continued her game. ¡°I promise to fish you out if it looks like you might drown¡­¡± She soothed the angry smith, with a massive, infuriating grin on her face. ¡°Do you need to go get some towels and a change of clothes first? It would make a nice, face saving excuse to let me pass by unmolested.¡± She cooed at the big man. ¡°Unless you like being scolded in public by young women¡­ That¡¯s pretty kinky of you, nasty old perv.¡± ¡°Enough!¡± He barked. ¡°Mathilda, go home!¡± He snapped at the woman in blue linen. ¡°Muriel, Franny, if you¡¯re smart you¡¯ll go home too.¡± He scolded the latecomers, before turning back to the smiling sprite in blue who was still tapping the toe of her high boots impatiently. The grownup meangirls withdrew, but were still nearby, sulking and glaring, conferring with a few other local bit-¡­ women and presumably a husband or two. At least, the menfolk near the cluster of chattering magpies in skirts kept shooting unpleasant looks their way. ¡°You, child, should respect your betters.¡± He continued, letting scorn drip from his tongue, while fixing her with a withering glare. ¡°I always respect my betters¡­¡± She sighed sweet and cheerful under his menacing glare. ¡°I just meet them so rarely. Now, may my brothers and I pass in peace, or do we have a problem?¡± ¡°You little strumpet!¡± He raised one massive paw to deliver a resounding slap to the scrawny bint¡­ and dropped it quickly when the ancient crone who¡¯d been watching with undisguised glee barked at him in a voice of creaking, rusty hinges and rattling chains. ¡°Journeyman Hiram¡­ She¡¯s an Adventurer and you¡¯re fifty pounds fatter than the last time you got thrown in the canal by one. I fear your pride may not survive this.¡± Her wheezing, cacking giggle brought the man¡¯s hand back up, balled into a fist the size of a cured ham. He launched his meaty mitt at the smiling girl with everything he had behind it, as gasps began all around the crowd. She swayed back a few inches, letting that massive clot of gristle and knuckles fly past the tip of her nose without moving a step from where her shiny boots continued their idle, heel-toe dance. ¡°First one¡¯s free, on account of you¡¯re bad at this¡­ Don¡¯t come back for seconds, Hiram.¡± She sang sweetly, while he tried to recover his balance. ¡°Such is the generosity of your pirate princess¡­¡± With a surprising turn of speed, the big man brought his fist back around, trying for a pile driver blow to her slim body. The cuff of her coat intercepted his blow with a muffled thud and nothing more, she blocked his strike with disturbingly casual ease, unmoved and unruffled by the violent attack. Her smile grew even brighter, as time seemed to slow to a horrifying crawl for the smith and the spectators alike. She took a little twirl, gracefully dancing two small steps to her right and touching her opponent in the short ribs, just a gentle brush of her fingertips. Hiram¡¯s squeak of surprise was drowned out by a soft, percussive *thwump* and the rush of air as the huge man face planted in the muddy canal bank, across the still waters, some five yards away. While the wet spatting sound of man meeting clay bank was still echoing across the silent square, with agonizing slowness, he oozed down the slick bank and formed a drifting pile of flotsam on the smooth, dull gray water¡¯s surface. ¡°You promised to fish him out, girly¡­ honor your word, please.¡± The old crone cackled with amusement, as the suddenly chatty crowd began drifting away. # Ch: 6 Boggy, Soggy, Froggy! Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 6 Boggy, Soggy, Froggy! Wilf and Rio were sitting at a tavern, investigating the local snackfood scene, while Amy negotiated with the local watch. ¡°Yeah, well he should pick on someone his own size if he expects a fistfight. If I¡¯d cut a few strips of hide off of him would that be better for you gentlemen?¡± She snapped in their faces. ¡°If he gets trounced by a girl a quarter his size and a third his age, he deserves it!¡± She wheeled on the muddy, outraged smith and his furious wife, still sputtering and cursing at their own pair of Civic Guards. ¡°Yeah? Well, come try it again and I will cut you, since that seems to be the preferred option! I¡¯m an Adventurer, journeyman Porky Pie! The badge should have been enough warning!¡± ¡°Adventurers are subject to the law too, apprentice!¡± The sergeant grumbled at her, while his men fingered their truncheons. ¡°Reach for your stick and you¡¯ll need help pulling it out of its new scabbard, sergeant.¡± The huge, pug ugly brawler who¡¯d been following them grumbled from nearby. He stepped from the crowd with remarkable ease for a man so wide and large. ¡°Meanin¡¯ I¡¯ll shove it up your bum, wi all respect due yer office, mind ye.¡± The big geezer spat in his left hand and grinned, as if he might be lubing something up with his fistful lung of mucus soon. ¡°Daughter August¡­¡± The sergeant stammered, as his hands found urgent business, adjusting his cap and collar, far away from his billy club. ¡°Do you know this child?¡± ¡°Aye, she¡¯s me little sister¡­ yours too, unless yer suddenly no more an orphan¡­ Brother Farris.¡± He rumbled, still holding his wet, snotty handful ready to grease any rod or club that might appear. ¡°Now, who¡¯s going to reach for a truncheon? Me lube is drying, ye dinnae wanna receive yer club dry¡­ arse wise.¡± When there were no immediate takers for his offer, the old brawler settled back against a nearby tavern wall and made it obvious that he was going nowhere any time soon. ¡°Carry on sergeant Ferris¡­ I¡¯m just here, taking my ease and watching the show¡­¡± ¡°Ooo, I think I like this guy¡­¡± Amy cooed at the old man, losing all interest in the Civic Guard. ¡°Can we keep him?¡± ¡°No!¡± Wilf and Rio both shouted from the sidelines, where the snack vendors were circulating freely. ¡°You two come out as well¡­¡± The sergeant grumbled at the revealed boys, in an attempt to reestablish his authority. ¡°Seriously, you have no idea how easy she went on him¡­¡± Rio grumbled at the guardsman as he slouched up. ¡°Bloody idiots and bullies¡­¡± Wilf grumbled and griped at everyone in range, the usually mellow lad simmering with anger. ¡°My brother and I will be taking our sister and heading back to our ship. If you want to annoy us further, seek us out on Esperanza¡¯s Bounty. I will tolerate no further interference with our errands. Step aside or arrest us.¡± He growled at the guardsmen, all four received his ire, since they had left the smith and his wife to sulk and complain unattended. He had plenty left over for the two hangers on, the crone and the geezer. ¡°You worthy elders should be ashamed by the outrageous behavior of your neighbors.¡± An almost supernatural aura of righteous anger and dissatisfaction radiated in waves from the young man, as though he gazed down on them from the moral high ground¡­ way up beyond the snowline, where the air was thin. The potency of that enigmatic force carried them out onto the towpath and away into the commons, as the first mist of evening began to rise. # ¡°Ghost pirates?¡± Dannyl shouted, as he ripped a leering specter in half with his buzzing chain whip. He whirled his weapon in a tight circle around his spinning, dancing form. ¡°Or pirate, ghosts?¡± He asked. Twelve feet of individually enchanted, living steel and bronze bladed rings orbited around him, as if it were a silken veil, lifted on a gentle breeze. The whole assembly was linked into a whirling occult chainsaw, bound to his soul and powered by his own life energy. ¡°We aren¡¯t having this discussion again.¡± Becky called, as a bloated, soggy, drowned ghost deflated around her rapier¡¯s gleaming, deadly point. She booted the sloppy mess of ectoplasm aside and gutted a peglegged haunt that had designs on her brother. All across the deck, slimy, skeletal or shadowy figures were swarming over the railings, down onto Moonrise. Looming above the little ship, the tall rigging of a four masted schooner of imperial design shimmered in the hazy mist and moonlight. She was tied alongside the smaller ship of the living, bound to her with murky chains and hooks of shadow stuff. Moonrise¡¯s bell was ringing stridently, calling her crew to arms, even as the watch battled for control of the deck. Becky swept her yard long wand of hawthorn across one shade, ripping his essence to shreds with the long, wicked thorn at the tip. Her sword danced across the ghostly, but still dangerous weapons of three more haunts, while that one screamed his final, silent curses at the young priestess. A moment later, Dannyl¡¯s whip raked through all three from behind shredding them into empty mist. ¡°Coming down the line Becks!¡± He shouted, as he took a long slide down the smooth railing, balanced on his heels and propelled by the terrible things his living, thrashing, furious whip was doing to the ghosts along the gunwales. A small, beautiful blonde woman with a pixie cut, wearing nothing but a filmy nightie and a dressing gown leapt from a forward hatch, clinging to the figurehead of a splendid stag, with the full, radiant moon caught in his antlers. Balanced on the railing above the open water, she aimed a short wand of pale wood at a mass of shades shambing her way and whispered an ear bending nonword: ¡°?????!¡± A silent explosion of glittering sparks erupted in the mass of haunts, flinging them about in a spiritual blast that didn¡¯t mar the deck, or even flutter the nearby ropes. Nearly invisible spectral flames swept the deck, igniting one spirit after another, sending them leaping over the side as their ectoplasm boiled away. Flaming shadows and sparking, glittering ghosts ran wildly across the deck bringing even more insubstantial chaos and havoc into their own numbers. ¡°Nice one, Ivy!¡± The small ginger tornado inside a whirling chain whip shouted to his sister. Becky frowned at her and raised her wand as well. ¡°????????¡± Whatever she said into the foggy night, it caused a soft glow to erupt from within every disembodied soul for a hundred yards around. Every sneaking spook in the rigging, each haunt that was trying to slip below decks in the chaos, all of the raiding shades on deck lit up in a cool, pearly glow that was unmistakable. ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be flashy, Ives.¡± ¡°??????!¡± She snapped in reply, which set the ghost ship ablaze, in flickering waves of insubstantial fire, along with her crew, still swarming the decks of the haunted man of war. ¡°I like flashy things.¡± She said with a smile, while slapping a ghost across the face, while whispering a single syllable. ¡°??¡± The gaunt, reaching form of glowing green sargassum and human bones paused, as if reconsidering snatching up the tiny woman, and then exploded with a soft, wet *plop*. ¡°Gahha! It¡¯s in my hair! Ghost spooge in my hair!¡± Everything after that became ghostly shrieks and pleas for mercy on their souls, to the terrible little woman who was murdering her way through the shades with extreme prejudice. At the end, Ivy held the slimy, half rotten form of Sleeshinshi, the squid lich in her fist and pummeled it into a wet, reeking stain on the aft deck with her bare hands. ¡°Filthy undead sack of shite! How¡¯s eternal life ruling the haunted sea doing for you?¡± The gasping, bubbling wreck couldn¡¯t understand her, or even truly die until properly cleansed¡­ Its undying, undead existence sustained the wretch while Ivy took out her frustrations. Becky sighed and began drawing a complex chalk circle on a deck hatch while whispering soft incantations into the rising mist. ¡°Just like old times¡­¡± Tallum mumbled quietly, as he slowly pulled his raging wife away from the mess of battered tentacles lying on the deck. The giant smith hugged her up into his arms, while she kicked and struggled to get back at her squishy foe. ¡°Ivy¡­ you smell awful right now. Please stop getting it everywhere.¡± While that was unfolding, Dannyl scooped the sloppy mess of way overripe seafood into a bucket and clamped a lid down. ¡°Ready when you are Becks.¡± She nodded without interrupting her solemn chant, she did pick up the volume though. ¡°...under the light of Marduk, Keeper of the Flame, Lord of mankind¡¯s wit, wisdom and lore, I call to the Devourer of Souls¡­¡± Becky¡¯s wand scratched a shallow scratch on her forearm, drawing a thin line of blood from her dark skin. She colected a bead of red life giving liquid on the thorn of her wand and finished her occult sigil with an exhausted sigh. ¡°?????.¡± At her whispered not-exactly-a-word, a rift into¡­ appeared in the deck hatch, its shimmering unlight, uncannily darkening the local area with¡­? something, something¡­ eldritch power, was the best way to describe it. ¡°Ooh, that¡¯s extra spooky!¡± Dannyl shouted into the invisible, unfelt, unheard tempest raging out of his scrawny sister¡¯s portal into neverwhen and otherwhere. ¡°Just dump that loser, bucket and all. Gods and spirits know, we¡¯ll be scrubbing that stink out of enough stuff.¡± She called out. Her ginger brother winked and gave the lidded bucket of sloppy, stinking, boneless, cephalo-dead a healthy slam dunk. Pitching the rancid lord of rotten calamari into the swirling butthole of the universe felt good; even though the Devourer was the gentlest, kindest eldritch force of the universe he¡¯d ever met. They simply existed beyond true time, space or reality, taking in souls and fragments of souls. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. No ¡®devouring¡¯ went on at all, despite the being¡¯s ominous name and appearance. Existing eternally as an ever shifting nebula of swirling, chaotic soul fragments in transit was bound to make social interactions awkward. They only took in, cleansed and returned mortal souls to where they belonged, once more firmly alive in a material world. The energies produced by this process sustained the being and the underpinnings of every universe of living beings, everywhen. No one was going to name the genderless, incomprehensible, ultimate death god of all living beings, ¡®Braxton¡¯, ¡®Terri¡¯, or ¡®Andi¡¯. Existential and eldritch musings aside, the tentacled, would be master of the Shallow Sea was sailing off to his next port of call. It was a one way ticket to a nice, clean rebirth, somewhen and somewhere in the multiverse. The universe as a whole had a very utilitarian, ¡®well that sucked, let¡¯s try again¡¯ and ¡®do better next time¡¯ attitude to mortals being jerks to each other. Likewise, retribution, punishment and vengeance were completely alien to the eldritch being that lurked beneath all creation. Existing in a timeless, matterless continuum of eternal NOW should have made it unable to perceive or interact with mortals, even as a concept. Certainly, recognizing an individual among the literally endless morass of mortal life was beyond improbable, and rapidly approaching absolute impossibility. ¡°I know, buddy¡­ It¡¯s been a while. I¡¯ll swing by soon. See ya then.¡± Dannyl whispered to a single strand of nebulae gasses that stretched up to caress the edge of physical reality, as if reaching out to the small, wiry, redhead standing over the portal. He gave a smile and a wiggle fingered wave to the portal and its unguessable denizen, before swiping his toe through the chalk lines, disrupting the ritual. ¡°And I¡¯m spooky?¡± Becky demanded archly of her brother. ¡°Devourer never remembers me¡­¡± She grumbled softly, as she flipped her hood up to hide her blush of embarrassment. ¡°We¡¯re behind schedule¡­ Scuttle this spectral garbage scow please Ivy; it¡¯s a danger to shipping.¡± With that, she strolled down the rail, severing the spiritual and haunted bindings linking the two ships. Her wand and sword both parted the bonds with effortless slashes, her flickering magical tools unerringly finding and severing even the occult shadow grapples below the water line. ¡°Sqidwad must have spent decades enchanting this slimy wreck, it¡¯ll hang around and attract another haunt if we don¡¯t cleanse it¡­¡± Tallum complained. ¡°You know what he¡¯d say¡­¡± ¡°Shut up about ¡®spiritual hygiene¡¯!¡± She grumbled. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna tow this filthy scow halfway across the South Shallow Sea!¡± ¡°It¡¯s our prize¡­ we sail it in with pride¡­¡± Ivy said firmly, eyeing the classic tattered sails, decks awash in seaweed and slimy algae of the ghost ship. Under all that, it was a sturdy vessel and had been crewed by professional sailors¡­ Dead ones, bound to the will of a mad, murderous squid necromancer, but diligent and skilled sailors. It was pretty shipshape below decks too, most areas were even lacking the omnipresent coating of slime and seaweed. Several of the cargo holds and compartments were filled with extra seaweed, while others held brass, hand cranked pump sprayers and big sacks of instant algae fertilizer. ¡®Grotto Glow Algae Booster¡¯ The bag declared in bold type. ¡®Now formulated for ten percent greater luminosity! Haunt with the big boys, on a budget!¡¯ ¡°Can you read that?¡± Dannyl asked, holding up an almost empty sack. ¡°Nope! Not at all.¡± Becky lied, even though it burned her mouth like spicy vindaloo razor blades with extra broken glass; some truths needed to stay buried¡­ for now. ¡°I¡¯ll keep one and show it to Gary¡­¡± The young man said with a grin. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare¡­ Shai wanted to skin you alive after you gave him that suit of possessed armor!¡± Becky scolded him, while helping get the big ship under tow. ¡°Come on, he loves this kind of stuff!¡± He complained. ¡°Remember the haunted chamberpot? Classic Gary¡­¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t a chamberpot!¡± She sighed. ¡°And it wasn¡¯t supposed to go that way¡­ originally¡­ He felt bad afterwards! That ghost was just awful¡­ The things he said about me and Amy¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s what made it funny¡­ imprisoning the shade of ¡®duke Khang the slaver lord¡¯ in the back toilet of the pensioner¡¯s men¡¯s room for one thousand flushes is just poetic¡­¡± Dannyl grumbled. ¡°No, it¡¯s gross and evil and most of the pantheon aside from Ward and the dryads are still in shock. Running off to stay with Liam and Tawny won¡¯t change that.¡± Becky had grumbles too. ¡°He tried to poison his entire ¡®harem¡¯ of little girls, when the knights justicar closed in¡­ wanted to ¡®take them with him¡¯. Screw that guy and I hope he sees naught but wrinkled ballbags till he hears his final flush.¡± Danyl hopped up to the helm and took the wheel of their derelict prize. ¡°Let¡¯s get this thing in port and get her cleaned off.¡± # The young trio of Adventurers debriefed Esperanza as honestly as they could on the day¡¯s debacles and turned in early, promising to stay aboard til dawn. The exhausted kids were as good as their word, especially Amy, whose storage gift had been pushed to its limit and a little beyond. Using her magical bracers to block and return Hiram¡¯s attack had nearly put her to sleep from Mana deficit. Bracers of the Undaunted Princess, enchanted bracers, etheric and spiritual enchantments. This armor is part of a set: Regalia of the Pirate Queen. Etheric and spiritual enchantments. Rarity, unique. Rank, unranked. Elemental affinities: Earth, Air, Light. Effect, Rock of Aegis: Hostile energies which are proactively blocked, deflected, or impacted on this armor piece may be rendered temporarily inert and stored for future use. Hostile physical attacks and, or effects proactively blocked, deflected or impacted on this armor piece may be absorbed and retained for weilder¡¯s use. Scales against: Rank, Might, Will, Resilience, Agility, Animus. Energetic effects: kinetic, elemental, magical or spiritual, may be stored until those energies are released at wielder¡¯s discretion. Effects may be discharged through either bracer at wielder¡¯s command, stored energies and effects will gradually be consumed if held for a prolonged period. Consumed energies will repair and replenish this armor piece and all related gear. Caution: effects discharged through bracers may be: Unstable, dangerous, unclean, destructive, violent, concussive, percussive, obstructive, corrosive, toxic, intoxicating. No more than one effect may be stored at any time. ¡°Showing that off isn¡¯t smart, Amy.¡± Rio complained softly when they were all piled in Wilf¡¯s bunk together. ¡°That¡¯s the kind of thing that could save your life one day¡­ or not.¡± ¡°Yeah, I know¡­ he just steamed my buns. At least he¡¯s not a swarm of ¡®piders.¡± She giggled sweetly. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s funny¡­¡± Wilf muttered, as he rolled to the side to conceal his grin. # Morning flew in with the raucous cries of gulls, right outside their shore side porthole. The three kids changed out of their Pj¡¯s quickly and clambered out the hatchway, onto the foredeck, blinking in the bright sunshine. Two big, brown kelp greenlings and a little, bright blue largemouth perch were skewered, held aloft on slim bamboo fish spears jammed into the pier beside Bounty¡¯s mooring. That was the cause of the gull battle outside their quarters this morning; it was an unsubtle message. ¡°The smith?¡± Rio asked quietly. ¡°Nahh, this is the wife or her cronies¡­ this reeks of bitchcraft.¡± Amy sighed. ¡°I should have just swatted her into the mud and walked on by¡­¡± ¡°Or, maybe¡­ ignore her entirely?¡± Wilf offered. ¡°We don¡¯t need to push back on every slight¡­¡± ¡°Mmm¡­ Nope. if they do anything else¡­ it¡¯s on.¡± Amy muttered, while taking the fish down. She dumped them in a metal pail, clapped the lid on securely and stowed the gull pecked, less than fresh offerings away in her storage gift. ¡°Those are only gonna get nastier¡­ want me to take ¡®em to the waste pit?¡± Wilf offered hopefully. ¡°I¡¯m good¡­¡± She answered cheerily. ¡°Might need a snack later¡­¡± No one believed that for a moment. The three young sailors washed up after breakfast in the galley and set out into the docklands, looking for a carpenter who would let Wilf rent some shop space, or better yet; a lonely, abandoned lot where they could set up house for a day or two without attracting notice. Strolling through the bustle and hustle of the docklands, it looked grim all around. Shipwrights and boatyards had little to offer a crafter of musical instruments. Likewise, the place was crowded and fast moving; little would escape public notice and there was little open space to be seen. Walking the low lying sections of town made a few things clear: this was definitely a human town and people with fur, feathers or scales were unwelcome at best. The beastkin moving around the town were all working menial labor or hustling for bits in ways that were familiar to any member of the Orphan¡¯s League. Fetching and carrying for bits and scraps, doing laundry and moving bulk cargo was about all the otherfolk had going on. A small squadron of little rabbit boys and girls were skittering about in the crowd, trying to peddle salvaged goods, fish hooks, handicrafts, rags and small wares from shallow baskets to passers by. Each little bit of rag had a half dozen buttons loosely stitched to it, no doubt salvaged from cast off clothes. There wasn¡¯t much interest in their little collections of bone, shell and wooden buttons, the occasional shopper would pause and look when they made their sing-song pitch, but it was not looking good. ¡°Buttons, five or six for an iron bit¡­¡± ¡°Matching buttons! Mend your shirt sir? Pins and needles¡­¡± ¡°I have bone pins and needles¡­ Fish hooks and weights, cork bobbers and more¡­¡± A pack of dog and coyote kids were out on the mud flats and mangroves, foraging for water fleas, shrimp, clams and crabs. Each group had a tagalong elder, following discreetly, watching over the kids as they moved about hustling for coin. In the docklands, most folks ignored or interacted civilly with their furry neighbors; at the edge of the market ward, things were a bit more hostile. Any furry person who wandered too near the invisible but clearly recognised demarcation line between the docklands and commons and the ever so slightly more affluent market ward was met with the kind of open dicknosery that bigots prefer: Glares, insults and comments, escalating to threats. That was the point where the Civic Guard would step in and shoo the furry person back into the dock ward slums. They watched the scene play out a few times through the morning, variations on the theme happened regularly. Sometimes it was kids, chasing a ball too near a market stall being scolded and chased off with curses, or a workman who looked like he might have finished whatever menial task, for which they were tolerating his presence. Whatever the cause, any minor disturbance resulted in the nearest non human or less affluent party, quickly finding themselves scooped up and deposited in the docklands by the notably less than civil, Civic Guard. The few exceptions were those beastfolk in the livery of one house or another¡­ Servants, usually of the lowest rank of course. At second bell, they checked in with Ranza and drew a comms set from the ship¡¯s stores. ¡°We¡¯re gonna look for someplace to set up¡­ We¡¯ll let you know if we find one.¡± Amy mumbled unhappily. ¡°This town sucks.¡± ¡°Ah, sweet girl¡­ Beastfolk slavery was outlawed here only fifteen years ago, when the new baroness took her seat. Many still resent the loss of their ¡®property¡¯... while others are simply arseholes.¡± Esperanza said softly as she hugged her niece close to her extraordinary bosom. ¡°We help them best by dealing with them as we would any other folk or kith and making no secret of that.¡± ¡°I wanna wreck something¡­¡± Amy sniffed, from somwhere in the depths of ruffles and lace. ¡°Start no trouble that might redound onto those without the power to protect themselves. We will depart in a few days¡­ while they remain here.¡± Captain Ranza took the pirate princess by her shoulders and pressed her back gently, dragging her unwillingly from the bosomy deep, for a gentle kiss of her dusky forehead. ¡°Follow that compassionate heart, but do not escalate matters here.¡± A soft swat to her behind sent her down the gangway to where her brothers waited beside their little boat. Missadventure sailed out into the mangroves of the island of Centre Port, looking for a place to call home, even if just for a few days. # ¡°Trade is good¡­ would that we had more chocolate and fresh beef¡­¡± Ranza murmured, when Ward¡¯s shadowy bat form alighted in the rigging near her shoulder. ¡°No luck there¡­ Moonrise was delayed, their ghost ship was surprisingly elusive and crafty. They are sailing with mostly empty holds.¡± He gave her an upside down, bat fanged kiss on her plump red lips. ¡°I always wanted to try that.¡± He whispered as he took human form. ¡°This one prefers human lips, bat man.¡± She purred as he slipped into her arms. ¡°How long delayed? The kids are out, seeking a place to make home.¡± ¡°The kids are away¡­ interesting. That crab disrupted my form, with his despicable aura; it¡¯s the downside of existing as I do, sweetie.¡± He sighed long and slow. ¡°I hate that when you really need me¡­ I can never be there.¡± ¡°You need make no excuses, lover. Perhaps someday¡­¡± She joined her sigh with his and leaned against his warm, very real and totally human chest. With a finger to her collar button, she contacted her young crew. ¡°Amy, Moonrise has been delayed at least a few days. Find us a deep water mooring away from town.¡± # Leafchaser¡¯s cork bobber dipped suddenly, at the end of her long line and bamboo fishing pole. She gave a sharp tug to set her hook and heaved smoothly against a surging, thrashing explosion that nearly pulled her into the water. The hideous, gape mouthed form of a full grown frogodile appeared beneath her, flailing wildly with her hook and lure lost somewhere in that open pit of a maw. That was bad enough, but its wild thrashing tails smashed apart her canoe, leaving her stranded up a tree in the middle of the tidal swamp. She cut her line and leapt back to the boll of the mangrove she was perched in, over the deep tidal channel. ¡°Look out there!¡± She shouted to a small boat, blithely sailing her way under no visible propulsion source. She waved them away desperately as their little cockleshell boat headed right up the waterway. ¡°I¡¯ll ask her, Wilf.¡± A girl¡¯s sweet, high voice sang out over the water. ¡°Hey, does anybody own that shitty island over there?¡± She asked, her words ringing out clearly over the distance. She was standing at the tiller of the small craft, and still sailing Leafchaser¡¯s way, while pointing to a mucky, silted up mangrove mound nearby. ¡°Stay back! There¡¯s a monster! In the water, stay back!¡± She shouted, really hollering at them, to get the message across. ¡°We saw¡­ We¡¯re Adventure guild apprentices, was that a Gapemaw frog?¡± She demanded, as her two companions produced long, barbed harpoons from somewhere. ¡°No!¡± She shouted back, wondering where this was headed. ¡°Frogodile, a related monster! Still dangerous!¡± The girl let her boat drift on the slow current for a moment, while she pulled out a book, of all things. She flipped a few pages and read for a few seconds, before snapping her little tome closed with a radiant smile that was bright, even across fifty yards of swamp. ¡°We¡¯ve got this, boys. Zero threat, as long as it doesn¡¯t swallow you. No teeth or special acids, so even then, just have a belt knife with you to cut your way out!¡± She told her friends, loudly enough for the catgirl up the tree to hear. ¡°We should get her out of that tree first.¡± The tall, slim, dark skinned young man said, jerking his thumb in the stranded catgirl¡¯s direction. # Ch: 7 Hungry Eyes Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 7 Hungry Eyes Floating at anchor, in a slow moving channel lined with reeds and towering mangroves; a shallow drafted, stripbuilt boat of red oak bobbed merrily on the tiny wavelets. Seated at the rudder, a young woman in bright blue pirate finery was having a conversation with herself in the late morning sunshine. ¡°A deep water mooring? On it captain¡­ we¡¯re stalking a minor monster with a local right now... Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s just a frogodile, we¡¯ll save you a drumstick.¡± A high, piping croak resounded across the marsh, followed by Rio¡¯s shout of triumph. ¡°Oh, the boys are drawing it off already! Gotta go!¡± Leafchaser watched in utter confusion as two armored men, one in gleaming green light armor and the other in a strange suit of red plate mail with dark streaks suggesting wood grain, disembarked together on the shitty island. Once ashore, the red armored man handed a long, wide bladed spear to his companion and together they vanished into the mangrove mud islet. The weird part was the music, high and sweet, with a tapping, rattling drum keeping time. The swaying melody began moments after the two armored warriors vanished among the verdure. Amy pulled the anchor and slowly motored up the channel, whistling softly to the birds and the two vanished warrior musicians. MissAdventure motored silently around the little island, slowing to a stop beneath the mangrove where the ragged, shivering catgirl fisher perched. ¡°Get aboard, lady¡­ we¡¯ll take care of it.¡± It didn¡¯t take much convincing to get the wet, muddy girl down into the boat and wrapped in a blanket. Amy¡¯s new friend, Leafchaser was standing at the prow, guiding her into the tangled waterways with a nervous smile on her face. The muddy river split around the funky, overgrown little island of silt and tree roots; separated from the mainland by a near impenetrable bog and dense thickets of reeking, moss shrouded swamp. Just across a deep, slow moving channel, the tatty little beastfolk slum huddled on its own low and boggy ¡®island¡¯; connected to the town only by a narrow, muddy track unworthy of being a trail, let alone a road. Wilf¡¯s high, piping flute and Rio¡¯s drum led the girls in the boat to the scene. The boys had bailed out onto the mucky little swamp isle and set out ¡®overland¡¯, while Amy motored around the far side, on her own mission. ¡°Stay aboard, Leafy. My brothers will handle things from here.¡± She called out to the blanket wrapped girl at the prow. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about my boys¡­ they have this in hand.¡± The two boys stood in the big, silty clearing of pickleweed, marsh grass and broomtail ferns, calling to the ravenous thing as it struggled ashore. It had so many legs, flailing and kicking in random directions and getting it nowhere, as its meal remained just out of reach, it became more furious and eager. Mad with reckless hunger, the beastie shoved itself onto the widest mudflat it could find, thrashing two mighty tails in the water and mud to drive its bulk onto land. The music of her brothers drew the creature in irresistibly, working their will on its very primitive brain. The song whispered of catfish, trapped in a shallow pool, nests of unprotected croc eggs and a few unwary swimmers, just over there¡­ so close. A creature with enough¡­ or really any free brain space might have suspected a trick, but crocodile and predatory amphibian instincts won out. Ordinarily, that would have been enough, but once it factored in HUNGRY, froggy was all in. The monster¡¯s enormous gator tail thrashed and churned in the mud, battering down a small mangrove and smashing a few obstructing roots, as it lurched and wriggled ashore. Knobbed and scaled with armored plates, that mighty tail was the thing¡¯s real offensive weapon, aside from engulfing its prey. The other tail was soft and slippery, like a tadpole of terrifying dimensions, the multitude of legs were similarly froggy, as was its gaping, toothless maw and expansive throat pouch. The beasties¡¯ soft, pale yellow underbelly and throat remained safely tucked against the muck, as it slid their way, lost in eager and stupid hunger. Rio let his drums dangle from their wide leather strap, once the monster was fully ashore and committed. He circled slowly and carefully, keeping his spear trained on the beast as it lined up for a rush on Wilf, whose flute continued singing a song of dinner. In its case, a wild and hectic charge brought it closer to the delicious, meaty, music man at a human walking pace¡­ Once the thing was irrevocably committed to its ¡®charge¡¯, the armored youth slipped his flute away somewhere unseen. With a smooth movement, he drew a long rod of blackthorn, topped with a compact, red, asymmetrical hammer head; producing it from the same mysterious place. He kept whistling his melody, as he prepared himself to receive his guest. He had his strange hammer cocked behind his shoulder, waiting to deliver a punishing blow. The creature dug deep and managed to get a majority of his disorganized parts headed in the same direction for a moment¡­ and actually started sliding forward a little faster. To compensate, Wilf sidled to the left, setting Rio up for his attack. His brother¡¯s green armor blended in with the foliage and muck well enough to deceive the idiotic beast; as it was fully engaged in a single minded pursuit of its chosen prey. When it decided to make its big play and lurch forward to engulf the armored man, Rio was already in motion, striking at the tender junction of its jaws. The wide, heavy blade bit deep, right where thick, pebbled crocodile hide gave way to moist, froggy skin. His cruel bladed spear jabbed deeply into its flesh, severing something important internally¡­ The monster¡¯s jaw snapped closed on the right side, spoiling an attempt already doomed by Wilf¡¯s smooth and graceful dodge. The creature thrashed wildly, trying to whip around and gobble up the tasty, elusive morsel. It hurled its croc tail at the human, sweeping low in a wide arc just missing the man, when he stepped back among the mangrove roots. Half a dozen of the dense, woody roots snapped off under its attack, as its tail whacked into a tree too big to bash aside. Wilford slid to a stop beside the hungry monster and quickly leapt up and off of one of its many, many legs. His hobnailed boots slipped a little on the slimy mud coating its back, as he scrambled forward. In a few leaps and terrifying moments, he was astride the monster, as it spun in a tragic and pathetic circle, looking for its foe among the broken tree roots. Firmly atop the slowly turning monster, the big youth raised his odd hammer and brought it crashing down between the behemoth¡¯s buggy toad eyes, once, twice¡­ On the third mighty blow, it fell still with a groaning shudder and a loud, splatting fart. The frogodile was sprawled in the middle of the reedy, weedy clearing at the center of the squishy mound, with Rio¡¯s spear still lodged in its jaw, when Amy and her passenger arrived on the scene. Eight feet high, even in death¡¯s repose, the creature looked like a small hillock or a mossy boulder, until they spotted the legs¡­ so many legs. Like all monsters, the frogodile would have hatched as either a frog or a croc; seeming to be a normal representative of whatever species it had been, for the first few weeks of life... Posessed by a fractional alien soul that somehow winkled its mindless way into the equally mindless host, they would have begun to slowly mutate until¡­ Now its warty, green skin was a strange mix of knobby croc and slimy frog. Otherwise, crocs have four legs, generally, and a tail¡­ frogs tend to have the same basic arrangement as well. Fewer might be expected in a swamp filled with hungry jaws, but the humble and annoying frogodile went the other direction: It had at least fifteen legs, two tails and a mouth big enough to swallow anything up to a small human. Finding something like that so close to a town was a surprise, they were a nearly immobile, non threat ambush predator; but still not the kind of thing to leave floating around where kids and pets might get gulped down. For mobility, the wretched thing would have to push itself through the water or across the mud with its two massive, meaty tails. The usual method they employed was to lurk just under the surface to gulp down unwary birds, or nestled in the mud, waiting for fish or bottom crawlers to wander by. All those feebly twitching legs were just bait to draw in hungry nibblers; if severed, they would grow back within a day, drawing on the monstrous vitality all such creatures possessed. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. That vitality was one of the defining characteristics of a monster; that, and their all consuming hunger. A monster is its hunger, ruled by it and lashed on into ravenous violence by that implacable, endless appetite. It could theoretically have swallowed a human, but any person dumb enough to swim into swallowing range was already at risk from a variety of way more dangerous creatures. Its main prey were huge crabs, giant crayfish, small crocs, giant frogs and other mundane predators that were lurking all around. As if to prove that point, Wilf hammered down a forty pound coconut crab that was investigating their kill, while Amy was still tying up to a mangrove root. Her brother dragged his crab up on shore and chucked the feebly struggling beast beside the bloody heap of frogodile. ¡°Ooo, goodie, I was hungry! This is gonna be nice¡­¡± # Leafchaser sat in the tidy little boat, wrapped in a warm, fluffy blanket that smelled of sunshine, spices, wood shavings, forge smoke and herbs¡­ the scent of a comfortable home, out in the marshy bogs. She watched in silence as her new acquaintances did inexplicable things on the muddy, mucky little island they were moored on. The big human boy in red armor walked around the little clearing in the center of the ¡®island¡¯ sticking wooden stakes into the mud at regular intervals. Very regular intervals indeed; following after him, the tall lean, dark skinned and curly haired lad used a weighted metal tube to drive his brother¡¯s posts deeper into the silt. Without any signal she could detect, they began stringing ropes around the poles, forming a huge circle of cordage, decorated with dangling ornaments and small baubles of shell, bone, metal and knotted textiles. Within ten minutes they had trodden a circle around the clearing, with intersecting lines of footprints originating at each post, forming a complex symbol in the dirt. An eleven pointed star slowly took shape as they worked, while ¡®admiral Amy¡¯ chattered on and on. ¡°Wilf and Rio are better with the monstery side of things, I handle the business end and try to stay clean¡­¡± She sang happily, as her brothers worked in the deep, ankle sucking mud. ¡°We¡¯re gonna make camp here for a few days, get a little work done, make some new friends and sail on to the next adventure¡­ it¡¯s what we do.¡± ¡°So, you own their indentures?¡± Leafchaser asked softly. ¡°I thought this was no longer done¡­ to humans?¡± ¡°Gods no! As if! They¡¯re my brothers, sure enough¡­ We¡¯re Adventurers, a detachment of team Ragamuffin, out of Wheatford. Guild registered and duly sworn.¡± She sang happily, while tuning up a beautiful guitar of strange design. ¡°You call them your brothers, yet they look nothing like you and labor at your command¡­¡± She whispered, embarrassed to be prying so openly, but too curious to stop herself. ¡°We¡¯re family. I¡¯m staying clean this time, cause the boys are already muddy.¡± She answered with a grin. Soft, soothing notes began to float from her fingers, as her brothers began playing along from beside their circle in the muck. As the music rose, the sound became deeper, more resonant, more pervasive. Soon, the water was dancing in wide, circular ripples from the shore of the funky little mound, as birds flocked to the trees; carrying the sweet, aimless music higher. As Leafchaser watched in confusion and bewilderment, the goop that made up the island solidified into a patch of actual, walkable earth. Runnels of cloudy water poured from the edges of the mound, as somehow, they squeezed the soggy soil dry. ¡°We¡¯re Adventurers, Leafy¡­ we do things differently, that goes double for us. Stay on the boat for a few minutes while we get set up, please.¡± Amy chirped, as she hopped ashore and began a new song. Leafchaser had little experience with actual musicians¡­ There were a few folks in the slum with a simple drum or makeshift instrument; as well as a few people from the human commons who didn¡¯t mind turning out a tune for the furry folks on occasion. Beyond that, the amateurish efforts of her impoverished neighbors and a local group of choral singers were her only real musical exposure. This was something entirely unfamiliar¡­ Where their first tune was a wandering, lighthearted melody, drifting aimlessly through the marsh; this was a steady, driving beat that took things and started them going in a definite direction. The big man in red armor began to croon in a strange, swaying way, singing inexplicable lyrics. Oh, they say, some people long ago, Were searching for a different tune¡­ One that they could croon, As only they can¡­ ¡°Wilf, really?¡± Amy asked gently, before joining his song with her high, clear voice. The tall slim lad thumped and rattled his small pair of conjoined drums, tapping out a crisp rhythm for the song, while adding his voice in as well, bringing in a tone both rich and sweet. They heard the breeze in the trees, Singing weird melodies¡­ And they made that the start of the blues! ¡°Always the old man music¡­¡± Amy sighed at the red armored lad when the song ended. Leafchaser was too perplexed and upset by the changes wrought on the silty mound to pay too much attention to the musical critique. Misty shapes cloaked in fog and shadow began flitting about, visible only for an instant, from the corners of her eyes. They distracted the young cat woman''s gaze constantly, triggering her prey instincts with irresistible, twitching and furtive movements. Each time her eye wandered, drawn away by some subtle trick, when she looked back, the place had changed. Suddenly, there was grass and a graveled path, leading to a small stone outcrop. A small spring gushed hot water from somewhere deep in the earth, filling a stone bathing pool. Fragrant steam drifted through the bamboo grove that sprang up a moment later, surrounding the hot, green tinged pool. Then a tall river stone foundation appeared in a twinkle, followed by a small grove of fruit trees and a garden. As her gaze skipped from one mystery to another, more wonders and changes continued to manifest. Things finally settled down, when a red tile roof appeared; in a moment when she was wondering how a long bamboo and plank pier had come into being behind her. ¡°Is this an¡­ inn?¡± She whispered in the silence at the end of their song. ¡°Uhhh¡­ no?¡± The big man in red mumbled from behind his all concealing armored mask. ¡°We aren¡¯t an inn, think of it as a private club¡­¡± The handsome man in green said happily, his smile had a physical impact¡­ even for a human, his teeth were big and extraordinarily white. ¡°I¡¯m Rio, that¡¯s Wilf¡­ go on inside, get changed, have a bath. We have work to do on mister frog here.¡± ¡°Auntie Ranza, we¡¯re set up on a mangrove island in the river mouth¡­¡± The girl in blue spoke aloud to no one at all, while winking cheerfully at the confused catgirl. Amy already had Leafchaser by the hand and was drawing her towards the door, even while the handsome young man was still speaking to her. ¡°Come on, we don¡¯t wanna watch what they get up to¡­ boys are gross.¡± The girl chattered, while dragging her into the comfortable little house. ¡°We¡¯re pretty close in size, I have some things you can wear, Wilf is a pretty good tailor¡­¡± # Wilf and Rio were muddy, bloody and tired when they stumbled to the bath, where the girls were way ahead of them. Leafy and Amy were wrapped in robes and headed inside, chattering away thick as thieves when the two brothers sank into the pool with exhausted sighs. ¡°I wanna ask around before I try tanning that croc hide¡­ it looks pretty special.¡± Wilf mumbled sleepily. ¡°With the belly, I was thinking about making a kayak. Frog bone ribs and stretchers would make it light¡­ and maybe even foldable.¡± ¡°You really are crazy.¡± Rio muttered before diving under the surface. ¡°Yeah, well it runs in the family.¡± He grumbled back with a smile, knowing Rio heard him clearly, even under the surface. The pool¡¯s contents were not exactly ¡®water¡¯ in the sense of being real, or anything. Like the rest of the house and grounds, it was a complex illusion, manifesting physical matter through complex magical trickery and occult forces. The two young men ambled into the spacious main room a few minutes later, freshly scrubbed and wearing well fitted common clothes. They sank down at the long table with grateful smiles, as their sister danced over with tea and sandwiches. ¡°Auntie Ranza should be done trading soon and we can expect her to moor up before evening. I¡¯m gonna ferry Leafy home, while you guys eat.¡± She took her new friend by the hand again and headed outside with her. ¡°I¡¯m not trying to rush you away or anything¡­ but your broken canoe went floating downstream. We don¡¯t want to cause any worry.¡± She sang cheerily from the tiller of her little boat. ¡°We have a bit more work to do, but please, join us for dinner and bring a friend! I¡¯ll come by and pick you up when the rest of our family gets here.¡± The mystified young cat woman was standing on the simple bamboo and plank pier, being stared at by her neighbors, before she had a chance to realize she was home. ¡°That was crazy...¡± She whispered to herself, as the smiling, mysterious pirate girl sailed her tiny boat back across a few dozen yards of dark, silty water, to her house among the mangroves. But for the pier sticking out into the estuary, she would have begun to doubt her own senses. She watched her new friend, Amy tie up and skip down the dock, until she vanished into the dense trees. Music once more erupted a few minutes later, rising into the early afternoon sky from the uninhabitable muck mound just across the channel. A high, piping song that seemed to go on and on. # As afternoon settled in, the music stopped. Only a tall column of steam and the long, sturdy pier showed that the little island was now occupied. A number of the beastkin in the soggy slum nearby found the doings on the unnamed little boggy mound endlessly fascinating; though anyone who tried to sail over and snoop, swiftly discovered that was not so easy as it might seem. A horrifying swarm of skeeters, midges, biting flies, gnats and other flying vermin swirled in clouds around the perimeter. They descended on any who ventured too close in a hungry, buzzing mass and attacked with startling ferocity. Seamas the beekeeper even tried wearing his semi protective homemade suit of patched together leather scraps and sailcloth. The filth squirmed and swarmed through every gap, sending him home with his tail tucked between his legs... mostly to keep from getting bit anywhere tender. Somehow, the little slum became entirely vermin free¡­ It was as though every biting, nibbling wretch in the area found the tiny island camp irresistible. Yet the three young people were seen moving around the island¡¯s edge frequently. The big blonde man set a number of fish traps in the water, tethered to colorful buoys among the mangrove roots. The tall man in green clambered up in the trees, doing inscrutable things, while the girl in blue tinkered with their little boat in the sunshine. An hour before sundown, a tall, three masted trade ship slid silently up the channel and moored on the long pier, passing through the swarming bugs without trouble. ¡°Must have some of those bug charms¡­¡± Jeskin grumbled wistfully, sitting beside Leafchaser on the village dock. The burly dogman pulled her closer to lean on his shoulder with a huff of canine satisfaction. ¡°I was so worried when Skeets spotted your canoe floating away¡­¡± He mumbled while watching the big ship moor. ¡°I owe them a debt I can¡¯t repay¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be dramatic¡­ I¡¯m fine. ¡®Diles drift down from the inlands sometimes, you know crocs are way more dangerous and they¡¯re all around.¡± She gave him a playful shove and smiled when he rocked back over against her gently. ¡°That¡¯s Esperanza¡¯s Bounty!¡± He whispered urgently when he recognized the ship, a moment later. ¡°They¡¯re a big name in the shipping business¡­ Luxury goods and more¡­ What are they doing here?¡± ¡°We might just find out.¡± She purred, pointing to the small boat slipping their way across the water. # Ch: 8 Family Trauma Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 8 Family Trauma ¡°So you got in trouble with your folks for hunting monsters¡­ so they sent you sailing with your auntie¡­ for a ¡®punishment cruise¡¯?¡± The young dogman asked in mild bewilderment, while lounging by the fire with a teacup in his hand. ¡°And this house follows you everywhere you go? Like in a folktale, or the mad wizard in those ¡®cosmic books¡¯ the orphans trade?¡± ¡°When you say it like that¡­¡± Wilf began, with a shifty look on his face. ¡°We¡¯re just Adventurers¡­ from an adventuring family¡­¡± ¡°Give it up Wilf.¡± Amy said with a giggle. ¡°Yes, Jeskin. Leafy, if you¡¯ve read the cosmic books, you¡¯ll figure it out sooner or later and poor Wilf can¡¯t lie. That¡¯s us¡­ The three kids from the story.¡± She kicked back on the sofa and whistled a short, happy tune. ¡°So you claim that you are the three kids from ¡®Ether Tales¡¯...¡± Jeskin mumbled softly, while eyeing Leafchaser with concern. Amy just nodded and continued her sweet melody. ¡°You wanna ask how much of it¡¯s true¡­ That depends how much you¡¯ve read.¡± She murmured a few bars later. ¡°The boys don¡¯t like to talk about it, but they also suck at hiding the truth.¡± Both young men were quietly exiting the main room heading down a flight of stairs behind an unobtrusive door. They departed silently, off on some mysterious errand of their own. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of family trauma wrapped up in that story, which just happens to be our story.¡± Amy sighed when they were gone. ¡°Nobody thought to ask us before they published it¡­ They changed all the names, but we¡¯re pretty much¡­ us.¡± ¡°Zombie armies? Musical witchcraft? Dryads and spirits? Demons and wicked lords?¡± Jeskin asked very softly. ¡°The stories in those picture books are you? And they¡¯re¡­ true?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ our folks and auntie Becky made him cut out all the really scary stuff. The sexy stuff too.¡± She added with a wink. ¡°Our uncle Dannyl wrote and drew them, after our papa died. When they came out, our mom wanted to skin him alive for a few years. That made things tense at home; tense Adventurers are not very good company¡­ so in a lot of ways we lost our father and our uncle.¡± ¡°That must have been hard¡­¡± The dog boy murmured awkwardly, while Leafy slid over and gave her new friend a hug. ¡°Yeah, but s¡¯okay. We got them both back in the end.¡± She gave the confused couple a wide, bright smile and started for the long table where several adults were seated enjoying their own tea. ¡°Enough moping, let¡¯s go meet the captain and her crew.¡± This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. Two sailors were hard at work in the kitchen, among billowing clouds of steam and the hiss of hot metal. Marc and Yusef grinned at the two girls as they slipped into seats at the long table with captain Esperanza, her first officer Dante. Nicolai, the newest and youngest member of her veteran crew of traders and Adventurers, was stuck playing waiter. When the two young warriors emerged from the bath, he laid down bowls of steaming rice topped with stir fried beef and spring onions, followed by curried potato fritters and a salad of spring greens dressed with a goat cheese and sweet wine vinaigrette. It was a splendid meal, well prepared and excellent, the four sailors ate with gusto and appreciative murmurs, while the captain and her three young charges devoured theirs as though they had been marooned hungry for a week. The sailing men were still eating, when all three young people rose and trooped into the kitchen. ¡°Ahh, what¡¯s for round two, kids?¡± Esperanza asked eagerly, while the men of ¡®Bounty¡¯ settled in with their pipes and Yusef produced his guitar. ¡°Fresh frogodile legs with garlic butter noodles. Tomorrow for lunch, beans and croc tail sausages.¡± Amy announced happily. ¡°This is gonna be good!¡± ¡°Jeskin, Leafchaser¡­ join us by the fire.¡± Marc called to the two visitors, who were still seated at the table, looking stuffed and worried. ¡°They don¡¯t expect you to eat any more¡­ unless you are still hungry.¡± ¡°Go on¡­ we won¡¯t be much longer.¡± Amy urged her new friends. ¡°The captain and her kin are¡­ robust in vigor and appetite¡­ it is a family trait they all share.¡± Dante murmured softly, as the two beastfolk watched in growing alarm. The four still at the table were destroying a huge quantity of foodstuffs, with single minded enthusiasm. Sweet, smiling Amy gnawed a frog leg down to bare bone in a terrifying few seconds, then cracked the bone seeking marrow. When there was no more to be had, she idly fell to crunching down the shattered bone, while debating with her brothers, whether to add some steamed coconut crab and giant spearshrimp to the banquet. ¡°We even still have some garlic butter from the froggylegs.¡± She whined pitifully. ¡°Come on Wilf! You¡¯re the best, don¡¯t be shellfish!¡± Their groans and complaints over her abuse of the language didn¡¯t last long. Soon, Wilf was heating up a wok and a steamer for another round. Amy and Rio were cutting more vegetables and stirring things at the stove with perfect synchronization, stepping in time to music only they heard. ¡°Garlic chili frogtail stir fry?¡± Wilf asked from inside a cloud of fragrant steam. ¡°I already started the rice.¡± Rio answered, from his own simmering pot. # The moon was up and night had fallen while the odd crew shared a quiet and intimate evening ashore with the two locals. Jeskin stifled a yawn as the night grew long, prompting Amy to take the couple by the hands. ¡°Come on, we¡¯ll guide you home¡­¡± ¡°We¡¯re still wearing your clothes¡­¡± Jeskin murmured quietly, since their own had been spirited away at some point and these had taken their place. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. We¡¯ll bring you your things tomorrow¡­ before we open for trade.¡± Amy sang happily. ¡°Tell your neighbors, Barter Town is open for business at second bell. We trade in scrap, all kinds of foraged and monster goods, oddities and curiosities.¡± She chattered as her brothers lit a pair of pole lanterns. ¡°We take rusty anchor chains and shattered brass binnacles¡­ old bells, broken copper pots, we trade in junk and obscure things.¡± While she was nattering on about her junk trade, the group marched along out to the pier and across¡­ to the beastkin slum. The pier had sprouted a pontoon bridge, reaching all the way across to the other side of the channel. Tiny lanterns illuminated the deck and waist high railing, bobbing on empty wine barrels. The two young men and their chatty sister escorted their guests back home and departed, with another reminder. ¡°Tell your friends, we¡¯re bartering junk and scrap for finished goods. We¡¯ll look at monster parts, herbs and all that stuff¡­¡± She called out, as her handlers dragged her off. Mystified beastkin peered from windows and porches, or loitered in the streets, watching two young sailors drag a fancy dress pirate lass away. ¡°Humans¡­¡± More than one person sighed in utter exhaustion. #### Sorry readers, I had a death in the family and need to take a little break for¡­ stuff and things. We will be back to the hijinx in a couple weeks. With Llove, Ll. Ch: 9 On The Money Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 9 On The Money Frankie Knubbel, the apprentice Adventurer leaned on his scrub brush and sighed long and slow, as he looked down the long companionway lined with doors. The crew quarters were spartan and largely empty at that, but it was a lot to scrub. He tossed a pail of salt and sand onto the floor and began pushing it around, working the mixture against the decking to scour away the noisome stains left by the dead. Similar sounds drifted to him, from the far end of the corridor, where Maya was working her way down the deck with her own brush and bucket. Benny came staggering down the narrow ladder behind Frank, bearing two more buckets in his massive hands. Benny Olan was big; broad, tall and wide by every measure, not a giant like uncle Tallum, but a pretty huge guy at just fifteen. He had a heavy pail in each hand as he squeezed into the narrow space behind his comrade with an uncomfortable grunt. ¡°How¡¯s it going?¡± ¡°It sucks.¡± Frankie grumbled, as he attacked a particularly stubborn clot of filth. ¡°Scrubbing up after the undead sucks hard.¡± ¡°You won¡¯t be complaining when this ship sells at auction.¡± Maya barked from the far end, where she was working her way in their direction. ¡°We¡¯re each in for a share of the prize, on top of the contract fee. The better she smells, the more we stand to get out of her.¡± The sounds of scrubbing drowned out any mumbling or grumbling the boys might have gotten up to. Maya used a scraper to peel a disgusting wad of unidentifiable tissue off the deck and dropped it into her bucket with a grimace of distaste. That was the worst part of cleaning up the captured ghost ship; the carelessly dropped bits of flesh that adhered to the woodwork here and there. She sighed with disgust and amusement, as her brush obliterated the feculent, greasy blot that her latest ¡®find¡¯ had left on the boards. It looked a lot like the stain that would be left behind by a dropped, decomposing peni-¡­ She went back to scrubbing and not looking too closely. # Four long, back breaking and horrible hours later, the three young people clambered out into the sunshine and took deep, cleansing breaths. ¡°Ok, we¡¯re officially disgusting¡­¡± Frankie grumbled, shaking a good quantity of sand out of his curly brown hair. ¡°Let¡¯s pull some seawater up and rinse off¡­ I don¡¯t wanna track this crud onto Moonrise.¡± Dannyl stood at the helm, steering the towed vessel, while Moonrise bobbed and tugged the larger ship along; powered by her occult engines and the combined Mana of her crew. A thick cable of braided hemp ran between the two ships, with a set of lines strung above it on either side. Loose rope netting stretched from heavy tow line to the lighter ropes, creating a bridge that would allow a nimble sailor to safely traverse from one ship to another, over the surging depths. He looked down on the trio, hauling pails of seawater up from over the rail and chuckled darkly. ¡°Good call, Becky would murder us if we got this crud on her precious boat.¡± He tossed down a stack of fluffy towels and three comfy, plush robes. ¡°It¡¯s all about the little comforts, kids. Get cleaned up and head back over for dinner.¡± A few minutes later, three young Adventurers scampered over the tow line, barely touching the handropes strung along on either side, giggling with glee, dressed in fluffy bathrobes of forest green. Maya won the race for the shower, so the boys set to washing their clothes over the side; rinsing unnameable filth from their grubby work clothes in cold seawater, while they waited. When she emerged, freshly scrubbed and dressed, their work clothes were dangling from a line, waving in the breeze. The boys vanished into the bathroom so quickly it was hard to be sure they hadn¡¯t fallen overboard. Having powdered undead crud all over was no fun¡­ no fun at all. Becky Ward, high priestess of Marduk, the god of knowledge, smiled into her teacup as the three teenagers bustled into the galley, the boys sniffing and panting like a pack of hungry dogs. Maya, small, slim and graceful, danced between the two bigger kids and landed at the table first. She tossed her short cropped, straight black hair and winked at the smiling priestess. Her sparkling, dark eyes and ready laugh made the dim confines of the galley feel brighter. ¡°It¡¯s a big job, captain.¡± She murmured quietly. ¡°We should probably hire some day labor when we get this monstrosity into port.¡± A bright smile split the dark, smooth cheeks of the young priestess, as she shook her head. ¡°We will be doing the work ourselves, once we connect with the others. Ivy says that ship has enchantments and spells wrought all throughout, below the waterline. We can¡¯t have the uninitiated fumbling around in her.¡± ¡°Wish I was uninitiated¡­¡± Frankie complained softly, as he set down two bowls of groundworm chili and a platter of hot cheesy biscuits in front of Maya. Benny nodded his agreement while settling in with his own bowl, across from the young couple. ¡°I can still smell it a little¡­¡± The big lad grumbled around a mouthful of spicy meat and beans. ¡°That¡¯s why it¡¯s chili tonight. Get some fresh clean mucus running through your snot-lockers.¡± Ivy sang happily from the galley. ¡°Tomorrow should be easier, we got most of the internal spaces scrubbed, now it¡¯s a matter of finishing the job¡­¡± ¡°We should be in sight of Centre Port the day after tomorrow. Then, with a little luck, it¡¯ll be bathtime by sundown¡­¡± Tallum sighed wistfully over his own bowl of spicy stewed meat in thick, sticky, tomato sauce. The ship¡¯s bell rang the watch change a few minutes later, summoning Becky and Tallum on deck. Kermal and Dannyl both appeared in the galley not long after, sinking down into their chairs with weary sighs. ¡°Towing this thing is brutal¡­ even with a fair wind¡­¡± Dannyl murmured over a mug of beer. ¡°Mmm, come sundown we¡¯ll pick up the pace.¡± Sir Kermal whispered. ¡°Becky wants to get the group back together as soon as we can.¡± He turned his bright, laughing eyes on Frankie, who was busy trying to be inconspicuous and seemed to find his chili endlessly fascinating. ¡°Sorry, kids¡­ you¡¯re going to have to help her a little.¡± He held out two small bronze ear cuffs to the young lad with an apologetic smile on his dark handsome face. ¡°Everything is cultivation.¡± He laughed softly, as he passed similar jewelry to the others, though Maya and Benny received only one of the tiny accessories. They each felt a small pinch in their hearts, as they donned the magical ornaments¡­ The jewelry slowly and steadily began to drain the teens¡¯ Mana and stamina, drawing their magical and physical energies into the hungry ship¡¯s occult workings. ¡°I always have weird dreams when I wear these while sleeping¡­¡± Frankie complained. ¡°It¡¯s always the same; I¡¯m standing in a weird haunted inn, with spiders swarming around, way too many spiders¡­¡± ¡°I miss those days¡­ good times¡­¡± Dannyl muttered softly, with a faraway look in his eye and a bittersweet smile on his lips. For some reason he was gazing at the low ceiling of the mess, as though he could see the moons that were probably just rising. After a long, pensive moment, he shook himself and blasted the young Adventurers with a smile that lit up the room. ¡°Anyway, we¡¯ll trade off at midnight, so you can actually get some rest. We¡¯ll have a couple days ashore when we hit port, that should motivate you.¡± That cheered his young apprentices up mightily. Dinner finished in short order and the three kids landed on cushions on the deck with their supervising journeyman, playing soft music together as the ship rolled over the low swells, under two bright moons. Frankie¡¯s violin wailed sweetly over the waves, skipping over Maya¡¯s drum beat like a stone on a still pond. Benny¡¯s guitar rang out in harmony, following Dannyl¡¯s melody into the dark, starry sky. Sly, gentle tendrils of magic wound and crawled over the ship, touching every living thing aboard with a delicate thread of Will and Animus. With each bar of soft, improvisational jazz, a slight rush of refreshing coolness and warmth spread from each beating heart aboard; bringing a sense of ease and lightness to the swaying crew. ¡°Ahhh, that¡¯s the stuff.¡± Becky sighed, as her own Mana and Stamina began to stabilize, under the shared gifts and enchantments of the three young musicians and their youthful supervisor. ¡°Kids, keep an eye on yourselves¡­ I don¡¯t want anyone passing out from Mana deficit.¡± The captain slash priestess called from the helm. Even at three quarters of the occult engine¡¯s maximum thrust, progress was slow and the Mana drain was hefty¡­ Towing a vessel twice her size and several times her mass was a big ask for the little ship and her crew, even with calm seas and following winds. The fog slowly settled in over the Shallow sea, pouring in from the open ocean, beyond ports Watch and Sill. The two lighthouse castles stood at the mouth of the Shallow Sea, overlooking the mile wide channel into blue waters. As always, the wind fell, when the thick, cottony fog clouds muffled the world. ¡°The light of Knowledge pierces any mundane fog or darkness, my child¡­¡± She whispered to the young knight seated on the aft hatch. Becky sat at the helm, confidently sailing into the dense vapor with a smile of pure delight on her dusky pink lips. ¡°Come keep the high priestess warm, Kermie¡­¡± She intoned in her dramatic ¡®I¡¯m the high priestess¡¯ voice. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Her husband settled in beside her in the steerman¡¯s hammock chair, with a self satisfied little butt wiggle. ¡°Your wish is my command, honored cleric.¡± He murmured in her ear. They snuggled in together, under the pale glow of the ghost ship behind them and concentrated on the important stuff; enjoying a foggy moonlit sail together on a snug, tidy little boat. # ¡°Tinker¡¯s trade¡­ sharpen your knives, re-tin your pots¡­ Fixing kettles and dealing in smallwares¡­¡± Rio sang happily, as he pulled his sweetly jingling cart across the pontoon bridge, to the beastkin slum at half past second bell. He repeated his call, once he got set up in the ¡®market¡¯ in the slum¡¯s little ¡®dock ward¡¯... right at the foot of their bridge. It was a small, open, flat space, lightly scattered with clumps and patches of tough grasses and plenty of muddy bare earth. A few milk goats were nibbling at the periphery, along with a flock of chickens and geese. Rio set four retractable cart stabilizing legs down onto a likely looking bit of turf and set out his workbench and tools, still singing out his call. ¡°Tinker¡¯s trade, sharp knives cut straighter¡­ fixing pots and kettles, fair trade and fair bargains¡­¡± He pulled a battered copper tea kettle out of his cart and set it on an iron post with a big round smooth ball welded on. The handsome young lad began to whistle and sing gaily, as he worked the dented copper kettle over the iron knob, slowly and gently easing it back into shape with firm, careful pressure. I am a jolly tinkerman, Oh, the things I¡¯ve seen¡­ Lightning on the mountains, Meadows, sweet and green¡­ Never will I settle down, Till everywhere I¡¯ve been¡­ Bring me dented kettles, Or pots with busted seams, Rusty skillets or blunted knives, I¡¯ll polish, hone and sharpen them all¡­ ¡°Tinker, tinker¡­ do you buy scrap copper?¡± A middle aged rabbit woman asked cautiously from the edge of the ¡®green¡¯. Her ears were laid back and her left foot kept tapping nervously until the handsome, dark skinned human boy smiled. ¡°Trade, custom or repair, barter or coin¡­ we deal fair with all customers.¡± He sang out cheerfully while examining the kettle he¡¯d been working on. ¡°Adventure guild rules say we can only trade outside town limits¡­¡± He raised his voice to encourage the other folks who were nervously peering out of their homes and wondering what was going on. ¡°So there are bargains to be made, friends! We are team Ragamuffin, licensed Adventurers and traders!¡± The young lad spread his arms expansively and called out to the little hamlet of huts and crude houses, letting his voice ring out over the marsh. ¡°Barter town is open for business, trading in forage, green lumber, beast and monster parts! Barter Town is open!¡± Leafchaser came dancing up, pulling her beau, Jeskin by the hand at his loud, ringing call. ¡°Rio!¡± She gasped happily. ¡°My folks will be coming with a load of iron and brass scrap.¡± ¡°Great, bring it by whenever you want, Wilf and Amy handle the scrap, salvage and lumber.¡± He passed a small copper pot back to a smiling lynx woman with a nod and a wink. A few moments¡¯ work pushing a dent out of the lovely lady¡¯s favorite saucepan and paying her a few iron bits for a broken, leaking, copper teapot was a fine trade. The young craftsman immediately dropped the damaged teapot on his tool and began restoring its original shape, while continuing to chat. ¡°We tinker, we have a tailor and laundry, a smith and a carpenter¡­ Wilf might be able to fix your canoe. It should be ready in a few days, if he can salvage it¡­ sorry, getting busy here.¡± A few more folks were lined up, holding an assortment of kitchen wares and small household goods and beginning to get impatient. He scrawled a few marks on his teapot and hung it from one of the many pegs and hooks on his cart of jingling pots and pans. ¡°Who¡¯s next in line¡­ Sharpen those shears for you, mistress? Three iron bits or a pound of copper or brass scrap.¡± Leafchaser and Jeskin scampered across the mysterious bridge and vanished, followed by a few more curious folks, leaving Rio to his trade. The rapid tapping of a light hammer played a happy, tropical tune on a brass coffee pot as they left. The music followed them across the bridge and into a wonderland of delights. ¡°Leafy!¡± Amy cried, as she leapt on the startled catgirl. ¡°Jeskin too!¡± She grabbed the duo by the hands and pulled them into the transformed front room, giggling with pleasure all the while. On shelves and tables all around, sets of wooden cups, mugs and dishes were stacked up in neat and orderly displays. Simple musical instruments, housewares, toys and dolls were arranged all around the north side of the room. To the south lay the land of ironmongery. Saws, hammers, bins of nails and tacks hung on the walls, among samples of milled lumber, fireplace tools, shovels, picks and axes. There were no ¡®weapons¡¯ on display beyond woodcutting axes and pitchforks. A rack of fine machetes and kitchen knives did stand behind the long counter, where Amy ruled with an iron fist. ¡°We don¡¯t stock fishing gear¡­ I¡¯ve always considered that an oversight¡­¡± She chattered on and on while showing the perplexed young couple her wares. ¡°...Wilf¡¯s in the workshop down below, working. A giant lightning crab ate some of our instruments.¡± She murmured happily. ¡°We had some of him for dinner last night, so that works out.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a lightning crab near here?¡± Jeskin asked with a panicked note in his voice. ¡°We all know about Stormcrab, it lives on that forbidden island¡­¡± ¡°Not any more¡­¡± Amy chirped. ¡°We had to kill him for busting Rio¡¯s drumset and Wilf¡¯s banjo. It was a matter of honor.¡± ¡°You killed Stormcrab¡­¡± Jeskin laughed and barked at the same time, before covering his muzzle in embarrassment. ¡°We had Stormcrab for dinner last night¡­¡± He said softly, lost in disbelief and confusion, and burped a little. ¡°We were on the island doing some gardening¡­¡± Amy sighed while pouring tea for her friends and smiling at the shoppers who¡¯d followed them in. ¡°Welcome in! Let me know if you need any help. We take coin or barter for goods and salvage!¡± She sang. ¡°...Anyway, that crab came up all angry, demanding that we let him eat us up! Well, I said no siree mister crab¡­!¡± Rio came back with his groaning cart of scrap and broken pots, trundling across the bridge just around mid day. Wilf helped his brother unload his morning¡¯s trade, lugging nearly two hundred pounds of rusty iron junk and a like amount of brass, bronze and copper rubbish. They vanished into the private areas of the house to get cleaned up for lunch, while Amy continued working on the sales floor. Her own baskets of foraged herbs, fungus, odd stones, exotic seeds and minor monster parts were also getting nicely full. The young locals spent a strange and confusing morning at the weird kids¡¯ shop. There were so many things both common and mysterious to see and so much to taste. Someone was almost always in the kitchen doing something¡­ usually something delicious and strange. By the time Amy¡¯s mad story was finished, Leafchaser knew much more about her new friends¡­ and was deeply concerned for their sanity. ¡°You all came from another world¡­ and the gods were your childhood playmates until your father died.¡± Jeskin asked very slowly and carefully. ¡°Died saving the world¡­ you can¡¯t forget that part!¡± Amy said around a mouthful of wallowbear bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. ¡°That¡¯s why our uncle Ward is the demigod of Death, Vengeance and golden figs. He inherited the Fool¡¯s Moon when Papa died.¡± Her two mismatched brothers nodded silently into their own sandwiches. ¡°Can¡¯t bury the lead.¡± Wilf muttered a few moments later, when his mouth was empty, however briefly. ¡°S¡¯okay, Beast brought him back and we all got to watch him be reborn¡­ it was disgusting.¡± The three of them nodded together again and chomped through enough victuals to feed a platoon of hungry warriors at lunchtime, while the older traders handled their customers. When they finished devouring a terrifying meal, the three youngsters went back to their duties; while the sailors and their auntie took their ease in the garden and in the house. ¡°So it¡¯s all true¡­?¡± Jeskin asked, when he found the courage to approach the youngest sailor, the one with the silver tabby cat. ¡°The stories they tell, I mean?¡± ¡°Hmm? Ohh¡­ about the gods and stuff? Yeah, crazy stuff, right?¡± He failed entirely to answer, while smiling blandly and petting his familiar. ¡°Hey Ward.¡± He called to a tall, muscular human man dressed in unrelieved black, who had just slipped in through the front door. ¡°We have new friends and customers in the house, so play it cool please.¡± ¡°Wow, thanks¡­ nice to be home at last¡­¡± He grumbled while winking and smiling at the young sailor. ¡°Yeah, whatever. Leafchaser, Jeskin, this is Ward; he¡¯s the kids¡¯ uncle. If he gets weird, threaten to tell Amy on him.¡± Nicolai sighed as he introduced the poor kids to the big weirdo. ¡°Ward, Leafchaser and Jeskin are new¡­ Captain Esperanza said to ¡®be nice, or else.¡¯ She sounded serious too.¡± ¡°Hmph¡­ where¡¯s the trust? I hang out with mortals all the time. You act like I¡¯m some ridiculous, divine comic foil, constantly stumbling over his own glorious bat wings¡­¡± He wheedled and oozed deliberately oily charm at the young sailor, while tossing winks and grins at the confused beast kids. ¡°Ward¡­¡± Nicloai growled softly at the much larger man. ¡°All right.¡± He deflated just a little, but was still smiling, showing teeth so bright, it almost hurt to look directly at him. ¡°But Becky and the others will be sailing in at sunset, when they get here, all bets are off¡­ They are towing in their prize. It should be quite the show.¡± ¡°What does that mean?¡± He asked calmly. ¡°They captured a boat?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not telling, but it¡¯s going to be delicious!¡± The odd man said cheerily. ¡°I¡¯m off to the baths!¡± At that point, he seemed to disappear into the early afternoon shadows. Jeskin and Leafy watched him vanish before their eyes and shrugged. While they were looking where the strange man had been, a soft voice called out to the young catgirl. ¡°Leafchaser, how much is this shovel?¡± Mistress Laupin asked softly from behind the pair. ¡°You work here, right?¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± She murmured at the older rabbit woman standing behind them holding a secondhand, refurbished garden spade. ¡°The tag says an iron half¡­¡± She looked over to Amy, who was currently surrounded by a small horde of locals at the cutlery racks. Amy felt her gaze and nodded to a door marked ¡®private¡¯ in bright brass letters. ¡®Get Wilf.¡¯ She pantomimed, forming each syllable in an exaggerated manner. ¡°I don¡¯t have the coin¡­ I¡¯d hoped to barter¡­ It¡¯s just so busy.¡± Aoi Laupin murmured softly. ¡°I have some copper and brass scrap¡­ just some worn out pots and a broken lantern. I know it¡¯s not really enough¡­¡± ¡°I think it will be enough¡­ Wait here while I find Wilf.¡± Leafchaser murmured. She slipped through the door to the workshop and down the stairs. The bustle and clamor of the busy shop cut off as though snipped with scissors, the instant the door closed. She found herself in a wide, well lit staircase, which turned out of sight at a landing eight steps down. Waves of heat and soft noises came up from below, around the landing. Gusts of hot air and chuffing sounds drew her on, tugging at her native curiosity and passion for warm things. When she turned the landing, both Rio and Wilf were stripped to the waist and gleaming with a sheen of sweat, as they slowly maneuvered a huge, glowing orange flask with long poles. The heavy crucible was suspended from the rafters on a complex network of chains and rails, allowing the two muscular young men to carefully pour a stream of liquid fire into a set of molds. ¡°Stay back please, this is the dangerous part!¡± Rio called when he spotted her, crouched on the landing and watching them with wide, staring eyes. Smoke, steam and sparks hissed and spat, as they poured. Slowly and carefully they walked the dangerous liquid down the molds, before dragging the empty and slowly cooling crucible back to the smelter. ¡°Sorry, Leaf. You don¡¯t wanna get molten bronze on your fur.¡± The tall dark skinned man said, while slowly, sensually toweling off his dark, gleaming skin at the foot of the stairs... It was pretty distracting. Wilf came over as well, he seemed to be buffing his smooth, pale golden torso; polishing, rather than drying himself. He sighed and flung his towel over his absurdly wide and muscular shoulders, very nearly concealing the collar bones and pectorals she¡¯d been very subtly admiring. ¡°Is it getting busy up there?¡± He asked, in his warm, soft voice. ¡°Uhh¡­ yeah¡­ it¡¯s busy¡­ Amy asked me to look at¡­ er, come get you¡­¡± She purred, while catching a whiff of the clean, masculine scent of the two mismatched brothers. ¡°She needs your muscl¡­ help up there¡­¡± ¡°Uh huh, we¡¯ll be right up.¡± Wilf mumbled, while putting on his shirt. The big lad bustled up the stairs, while Rio leaned against the wall and smiled up at her, where she was still crouched, with wide eyes and her tail thrashing. ¡°What you¡¯re feeling is a side effect of Wilf¡¯s gifts interacting with mine¡­ it should pass quickly.¡± He smiled at her again, but this time it didn¡¯t make her heart leap and turn her tail into a bottle brush. ¡°That¡¯s why we have a ¡®private¡¯ sign on the workshop door.¡± He dropped a big, calloused hand on her shoulder and gave her a comradely squeeze. It was warm and comforting¡­ and not even a little sexy. Well, maybe a little. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s go upstairs while this stuff cools.¡± ¡°You are both smiths?¡± She asked, as they made their way upstairs. ¡°Nahh. I¡¯m an apprentice in the Divine Order of Tinkersmiths, but I¡¯ll make journeyman this year. Sixteen is as early as they¡¯ll let me challenge at craftmoot.¡± He said, with a wide smile. ¡°Wilf¡¯s a luthier mostly¡­ that¡¯s a kind of carpenter; but we¡¯re both advanced apprentices in the Puissant League of Miners and Smeltiers.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re Adventurers, sailors and traders too¡­¡± She murmured. ¡°Yeah, we like to keep busy. Just wait till the rest of the band gets here, then you¡¯ll see some stuff!¡± He swung open the door and a wash of noise drowned out anything else he might have said. # Ch: 10 Kicked Dogs Will Holler Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 10 Kicked Dogs Will Holler The shop closed down at sixth bell, when the Wards convened in the kitchen for tea and a snack¡­ Amy set down a bowl of vampire squid ramen that was big enough to satisfy a small family and dropped her chopsticks into the enormous empty mixing bowl with a soft clatter. ¡°You seem usure, Leafy¡­¡± The girl in blue said gently, leaving the door open for her to speak frankly. ¡°Can I ask you something?¡± Leafchaser whispered. ¡°If you have all these goods¡­ and you sail with captain Esperanza¡­ Why are you bartering for scrap and forage in Beast Town?¡± ¡°Cause your market ward is populated with sweaty, bloated ballbags. We don¡¯t trade with shitheads and bigots if we can avoid it. When we can¡¯t avoid it, we deal sharply and cut them to the bone¡± She whispered back with a bright smile on her lips. ¡°We deal in scrap and forage, because we use those raw materials in our crafts and arts where we can¡­ and trade them when we can¡¯t.¡± ¡°But you¡¯re trading pure junk for finished goods¡­ clothes, tools, cooking utensils¡­ for garbage? You must be losing money hand over fist!¡± Jeskin muttered. ¡°You¡¯ll be begging in the streets at this rate!¡± Rio placed a calming hand on the high strung dogman¡¯s shoulder. ¡°There¡¯s no foundry on the island and no local supply of coal or charcoal for small scale smelting and recycling, so most metal goods and raw metals come in from the mainland at a premium price. When stuff wears out or breaks it gets dumped in the local junk heaps.¡± He shrugged and smiled at his new friend. ¡°Scrap isn¡¯t high value, merchant haulers can¡¯t be bothered with it.¡± Wilford added in. ¡°For generations¡­ behind every forge and farm, piled up outside town¡­ Metal junk just sitting there. It¡¯s been stacking up all over the place, but not in any particular spot. Instead of scouring the island for junk, we¡¯ll let the locals bring it to us.¡± ¡°Those bunny kids looked like they understood what I wanted. I expect we¡¯ll be sold out of trade goods and have to start buying scrap for coin in a few days.¡± Amy sighed happily, as she dished up another massive bowlful. ¡°They get a fair scrap price, we get the materials we need on the cheap and the local guilds can jump in the swamp for all we care.¡± ¡°You could make so much more profit in the dock ward or gate market¡­¡± He insisted, while looking around the comfortable, elegant home. The house and garden seemed supremely unlikely to be where it undeniably was, on a festering island in a mucky bog. With its fine furnishings, framed artworks on the walls and splendid musical instruments scattered all around, it was like nothing the locals had ever seen. ¡°Tomorrow, we should have our full team here¡­ We¡¯ll open the public baths and really start trading then.¡± Rio announced through a huge yawn and stretch. ¡°We¡¯ll have a lay healer in the clinic, two skilled tailors, a carpenter and our smith will be able to get some work done at last.¡± ¡°A lay healer? Here? That¡¯s going to be busy. We have a lot of minor afflictions and illnesses in the district.¡± Jeskin barked eagerly. ¡°Healer¡¯s temple sends an acolyte one day a month, but otherwise, we¡¯re on our own out here. We¡¯d have to pass through the market ward to get to the temples.¡± Wilf, Rio and Amy looked at each other over the rims of their enormous mixing bowls and slowly set them down in unison. ¡°We should have thought of that.¡± Wilf mumbled to his brother and sister, before turning back to his new friends with a sad smile. ¡°Spread the word please, we¡¯ll be available at all hours for medical emergencies once our healer gets here. Anyone that¡¯s really sick or injured should just come right over; Amy¡¯s an apprentice healer and we¡¯ve both had emergency medical training.¡± ¡°Adventurers, sweetie.¡± Amy whispered to the two locals. ¡°We¡¯ve been in training since we were little, it¡¯s the family business.¡± # Sundown on the Shallow Sea meant fog. Sometimes it was wispy gray shrouds across the sky, tugged away by playful winds¡­ usually it was thick, smothering clouds of dense¡­ everywhere all the time. Anything more than a few feet away from a light source might as well be invisible. In the thick vapor, even sound carried poorly. When a pair of ship¡¯s bells sounded in the harbor mouth, Lightkeeper Zang Qui expected them to anchor til fogrise, an hour after dawn. Instead, two vessels passed into the wide crater harbor and vanished in the obscuring fog, slipping through the harbor entrance in the obscuring mist. One was small, festooned with running lights and proceeding without sails; the other¡­ was glowing a lambent, virulent green in the mist, illuminating the area in a terrible display of uncanny¡­ whatever. ¡°G¡­g¡­g¡­ Ghost Ship!?¡± He stammered. ¡°It¡¯s not a ghost ship¡­ anymore.¡± A slim, red haired man said softly from the landing behind the lightkeeper. He leaned casually against the railing, looking out over the lights of town and the fading glow of the ships. ¡°We captured it and cleansed it of undead influence. The glow is an algae growth.¡± The small fellow held up a bronze Adventure badge with a smile that probably caused and solved a lot of very entertaining problems for the handsome man. ¡°Adventure guild huh?¡± Qui asked with a tired note in his voice. ¡°I still have to signal the castle.¡± ¡°Sure, We have someone there already, a few members of the family are already in town. I came over on a skiff to ask that you not raise the alarm. I know what it looks like¡­ A glowing warship sailing in under the fog, pretty spooky. Frankly we¡¯re just exhausted sailors that want to moor up and resupply.¡± ¡°Badge says Wheatford Adventure guild¡­ you really from there?¡± The sharp eyed coast watcher asked keenly. ¡°Heard a lot about that branch of the guild¡­¡± ¡°We¡¯ll try to avoid causing trouble, no promises though, we have team Ragamuffin in town.¡± On that inexplicable note, the man vanished into the fog; his nearly silent footfalls on the stairs fading in a few seconds. ¡°Bloody Adventurers¡­¡± He grumbled as he opened the door to the lighthouse¡¯s pigeon cote. ¡°High handed and cocky¡­¡± He kept grumbling, even after his bird had long since vanished in the fog. # A soft hum in Ivy¡¯s ear provided only a moment¡¯s warning, before Amy¡¯s voice came in loud and clear across her earring. ¡°Auntie Ivy! We¡¯ve missed you! We¡¯re set up on a little island south of the dock Ward¡­ Falco will lead you in!¡± Falco hopped up on his fluke and splashed across the calm waters of the harbor, relentlessly teasing the small blonde woman at the helm. ¡°Damn you Fishface! I don¡¯t speak blowhole!¡± She scolded him right back. ¡°If you don¡¯t know what he¡¯s saying, why are you upset?¡± Tallum asked softly from his seat on the taff rail, nearby. ¡°It¡¯s the tone¡­¡± She muttered darkly. ¡°He¡¯s always so smug!¡± She turned the ship¡¯s wheel and began following the silly fish into the dark, foggy harbor. There was a small sound, as Dannyl¡¯s skiff bumped against Moonrise, followed by the sound of a guitar, ringing out in the foggy evening. ¡°I¡¯m home! The lighthouse keeper was not best pleased by our presence.¡± He sang happily from somewhere in the gathering darkness. They steered away from the lights of town, heading for a small collection of dimly glowing windows on a nearby island. Paper lanterns in the trees glowed warmly as night landed on Centre Port Island. The lights of a long wooden pier and the cackling, chirping aquatic mammal led them to a quiet mooring. Falco continued to sass the crew constantly, as they tied up the two ships under the eyes of every resident of the little household and the nearby slum. Esperanza¡¯s bounty was enough of a distraction; her sleek lines and unusual fitout drew eyes wherever she sailed, not unlike her captain. Moonrise shared many of those same idiosyncrasies: She boasted an array of magical glowstone running and navigation lights as well as a propulsion system that was inexplicable, even in a world of magical wonders. Her ridiculous figurehead of a radiant white stag, holding the moon in his antlers didn¡¯t help much. Just as unhelpful was the silver emblem of Secret¡¯s sickle moon, with a grinning human skull staring from inside the shining crescent, painted on her superstructure. Wherever she sailed, people noticed the odd little trade boat. Towering over both of the unusual trade ships, loomed an imperial frigate, glowing a luminous, pale green. Much of her seemed perfectly mundane, simply a weather worn ship with a high prow and sleek, aggressive lines. Her hull and rigging shone with eldritch light and seemed to shimmer in the fog, creating some interest and distress in the locals. Two gangplanks hit the long pier, followed by rushing boots and familiar voices calling out the familiar tasks. ¡°Fore and aft lines secure!¡± Tallum barked from between the two newcomers. ¡°All good here!¡± Dannyl sang out from the bow of Moonrise. ¡°Tied up.¡± Benny shouted from the captured ship¡¯s far end, his voice nearly consumed by the muffling clouds of vapor drifting across the harbor. ¡°Aww¡­ they really were ghost pirates!¡± Amy sighed sadly. ¡°I can¡¯t believe we missed out!¡± She had both arms wrapped around Becky, hugging her auntie for all she was worth, at the foot of the pier. The boys were off mixing it up with Frankie and the others, helping get the crew settled in and the ships secured. Rio and Wilf waved to her from the small knot of young people in the garden, under the lanterns. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°We gotta finish setting up, now that we¡¯re all together.¡± Amy whispered, as she slipped out of the arms of her beloved aunt and skipped over to her comrades. ¡°Wait up, I want in on this too!¡± Dannyl shouted gleefully, as his guitar appeared in his hands, sweet, soft notes already scattering into the night from his fingertips. ¡°Gods and spirits, I need a bath and a bed!¡± Leafchaser and Jeskin were sprawled on the green, listening to the music from her new friend¡¯s house and staring at the glowing shape of the imperial frigate, moored just across the channel. ¡°It got weirder over there¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Your new friends are¡­ Well, they just are. Let¡¯s go home.¡± Jeskin grumbled happily. # The results of two long days and nights of hard labor showed, as they sailed up in a mostly clean ship. The unnamed vessel still needed more cleaning, new sails, provisions and a crew to sail her. Becky, Ivy and Tallum walked down the dock together, conversing quietly. ¡°I don¡¯t think we should auction her¡­ We should study this gravitational magic and find out where she was built, and by whom¡­ if we can.¡± Ivy insisted, with backup from Tallum. ¡°I¡¯m sold¡­ That lower compartment is super crazy. I wish he could get a look at it.¡± Becky murmured sadly. ¡°He¡¯s still under sanction for cursing that slaver into haunting a shithouse.¡± ¡°I thought that was a good one, very fitting.¡± Dannyl grumbled at the heavens. ¡°It¡¯s past time they got their¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m heading into the temple ward tomorrow. Come along Dannyl, it¡¯ll be almost like old times.¡± Becky announced as her husband scooped her up in his arms and gave her a twirl. ¡°Are you expecting trouble?¡± The young veteran Adventurer asked in a quiet voice. ¡°Ward is coming along.¡± She smiled at her ginger brother and went back to kissing her knight in the garden. ¡°That sounds fun.¡± He remarked while heading into the expanded house. Now there were more buildings on the island; a fanciful gingerbread cottage stood back by the trees, where it would get the morning sunshine first. A low adobe ranch house with a seascape mural had sprouted near the waterside and a stone, tile roofed cottage anchored the bridge to the beastkin island. Beside that house, in the center of the garden clearing, sat a wide, public bathing pool, filled with elderly beastkin folks, children and pregnant mothers. Frankie, Benny and Maya were already soaking in the steamy waters, kicked back and blissfully at ease. Soft voices lifted with the steam, singing in harmony as they drifted among the locals. I know this super highway, This bright familiar sun. I guess that I''m the lucky one, Who wrote that tired sea song? Set on this peaceful shore, You think you''ve heard this one before. Well the danger on the rocks is surely past, Still I remain tied to the mast! Could it be that I have found my home at last? Home at last¡­ Steely Dan was lost on the beastfolk in the pool around the three kids, but their voices were strong and pure, carrying the song effortlessly. ¡°Nostalgic¡­¡± Becky sighed as they went into the main house # It took two full days of scrubbing, scouring, re-rigging, re-fitting and carpentry to get the nameless, formerly haunted ship seaworthy and sanitary. Down in the bowels of the long, sleek warship Ivy was in her element, exploring and noting down every detail of the magical inscriptions and formations built into her hull. Ivy¡¯s voice drifted up from a narrow crawlspace under the waterline. ¡°These ballast, stability and binding enchantments are pretty solid¡­ I can firm up some of the phrasing and tighten the cadence a bit¡­ but this is fine work.¡± She called up to her giant husband. ¡°Gravitational magic for certain¡­ It¡¯s pretty interesting stuff. I¡¯ll take some rubbings of the inscriptions.¡± ¡°I wondered why there was no ballast down there¡­¡± Tallum muttered. ¡°That explains why she was so fast under sail. Gravitational magic¡­¡± ¡°This is going to be interesting¡­¡± Becky said, as she popped up from a hatchway into the same compartment along the ship¡¯s keel. ¡°This is entirely new and exciting¡­ Now I wish we¡¯d interrogated that squid.¡± ¡°No clues in the ship¡¯s log?¡± The giant asked, his low rumbling voice putting the tiny priestess at ease, as always. ¡°Nahh, nothing there little brother. It was just squid boy, rambling on and on about how awful the living are and how the dead should rule a silent sea. A waste of ink, even if he did produce his own.¡± She sighed. ¡°Come on up Ives. It¡¯s dinnertime, you can play later. We¡¯ll run the sketches by Wilf when he gets back.¡± # ¡°Wilf! Get back!¡± Benny shouted, drowning out whatever the handsome, young, curly haired leader of his section was saying. Chaos erupted from the backup team, as a ton and a half of angry muscle surged out of the brush on lumbering bear paws. A massive, nearly hairless mass of wrinkled skin with a vicious, pig, opossum and rat hybrid face lunged at the young warrior¡¯s red armored form. Amy dropped her hand on the huge lad¡¯s shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. ¡°Frankie says relax¡­¡± Even while she was speaking, the red armored warrior sprang to his left with a graceful spin, landing just out of range of the creature¡¯s tusks, claws and general horribleness. An instant later, his hammer finished whipping around, following the big man¡¯s momentum, scattering wallowbear blood and teeth across the scraggly brushlands. The beast roared its fury across the rocky hillside and lashed at the man with bloodied tusks and the long, prehensile rattail at its other end. Hairless and wrinkled pink flesh, bristling with a despicable variety of quills, spines and barbed¡­ things, writhed and slapped at the fast moving warrior. He slipped back into the scrub brush and saplings around the thing¡¯s eponymous wallow, dancing with surprising grace among the trees. Snapping jaws and the flailing prehensile tail followed him around the boggy mudhole, intent on rending him limb from limb. Rio¡¯s inconspicuous green armor stepped out of the gorse and thornbushes, with his wide bladed spear already in motion. The meaty sound of what amounted to a narrow, razor sharp war shovel sinking into the creature¡¯s spine seemed very loud. The deafening bellow that followed an instant later, sent reptiles and birds swimming, scuttling and flying away in all directions for a half mile. ¡°He¡¯s crippled, finish it!¡± Rio sang out, as he danced back from the raking claws at the front end of the beast. Its back end was no longer mobile, beyond the occasional spasm or twitch. The long, black hafted spear remained lodged in the creature¡¯s spine, just before the hind legs. It waved jauntily about, jutting out like a bare flagstaff, as the monster continued trying to hurl itself at Rio¡¯s fast moving, green shape. ¡°Very nice!¡± Jeskin muttered grimly, as he helped drag the carcass out of the bog. ¡°That was solid teamwork.¡± ¡°Thanks, we¡¯ll handle dressing it, would you help them set up the camp¡­ rain¡¯s coming.¡± Wilf asked the young dog man, in his strange, soft voice. ¡°Rain? The sun¡¯s out¡­¡± A distant crack of thunder echoed down from the mountain peak of Centre Point island as he finished speaking. Their pleasant overnight hunting trip to the barely inhabited weather side of the island had been very successful so far; culling a number of minor monsters from the verdant, half wild slopes of the volcanic island. ¡°Storm¡¯s coming in, ¡®bout three hours from now feels like.¡± The odd lad murmured, as his wickedly curved, bronze knife began disassembling the monster with quick, practiced movements. He had it skinned, quartered and hung up to drain off the blood, before the first tent was fully set up. The hide he swiftly and confidently rolled and slipped out of sight¡­ somehow. Jeskin and Leafchaser no longer bothered trying to figure out how things worked around these delightful weirdos; the food was good, as was the company. Music, food and drink was never in short supply, but questions received few straight answers. ¡°More than one of us possesses a storage gift¡­ I hope you understand; we are always reluctant to share the details outside the team.¡± Frankie murmured gently. ¡°Much of what you have and will yet witness, can be explained by years of teamwork and training, as well as the close nature of our relationships. We¡¯ve been together pretty much since...¡± He paused and looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing. ¡°There was some trouble¡­ Trouble, forces and beings that mortals should not have to face. Things are complicated for our little extended family, and have been for a while.¡± Jeskin reached out and gently put his hand over Leafy¡¯s mouth before she could ask any more questions, or demand that he ask them. ¡°Thank you for your courtesy, we won¡¯t pry further.¡± He said firmly. # Sir Albrev Dunham sighed long and slow, as he tried to remember his oaths of knighthood under very trying circumstances. ¡°...trading in beast town, rather than in the market ward as is proper and traditional! They are even engaging in barter for scrap metal!¡± Bernadette Kerrik, head of the local Trade Association sniffed in disdain as deep and cold as any ocean depths. ¡°Hordes of the filthy whelps have been scrounging in every waste pile for days, spiriting away anything metal!¡± ¡°I fail to see where the law is being violated.¡± He answered carefully. ¡°What is the nature of your charge?¡± ¡°Tax avoidance, smuggling and illegal establishment of an unlicensed trading post in the town! Obviously that is criminal behavior!¡± She snapped, adding in a stamp of her delicate silk and seed pearl slipper. ¡°You just said they are bartering for scrap metal¡­ barter transactions are untaxed. Are you suggesting that there is smuggling afoot?¡± He buffed an imaginary fleck of dust from his breastplate with a soft chamois and smiled blandly. ¡°What are they smuggling, do you think? I looked at their wares on offer shortly after they arrived¡­ were the wooden tablewares and garden tools contraband items? Is there a cooking pot embargo I was unaware of?¡± The old knight¡¯s bland smile slowly spread, becoming a wide grin; as the merchant¡¯s face began turning the most entertaining colors. ¡°They are moored up near that filthy shanty town of stray animals! All ships and traders must utilize the town docks by law! It¡¯s the LAW!¡± She shouted at the knight. ¡°When the beastfolk settled on Westfall island, the Trade Association and Merchant¡¯s League were very adamant that they be explicitly excluded from the city charter and boundaries¡­¡± Sir Dunham¡¯s smile remained pleasant and mild as he spoke, though the warmth fled his voice. ¡°Since Westfall island is its own township, officially¡­ I fail to see the Centre Port Trade Association¡¯s interest in the matter.¡± His words had a flinty edge to them, cold and sharply brittle. ¡°Perhaps I misapprehend, please, enlighten me. What crime were you reporting, again?¡± ¡°Obviously they are smuggling liquor, drugs or filthy beast whores!¡± The outraged merchant shrilled. ¡°This reeks of moral turpitude! Consorting with those animals offends the gods and shocks the morals of the community!¡± ¡°...Morals of community, shocked¡­¡± He murmured, as he stroked his short silver goatee. ¡°I forget which law that violates, but I will look into it, right after breakfast tomorrow. It seems to be a matter that needs the full attention of myself and Sir Theobard; we will devote our full powers to resolving this important question.¡± He continued petting his chin and smiling for a few seconds too long¡­ just too long enough, by his estimation. ¡°Yes, Together, we¡¯ll resolve this matter decisively before third bell, you may be assured.¡± ¡°That is good news indeed, Sirrah. I trust this matter will come to a satisfactory conclusion¡­¡± The merchant lady¡¯s own smile became sickly sweet, as her voice raised an octave or two, becoming sweetly pleasant. ¡°The Merchant¡¯s League has been deeply upset by these events¡­ several members are deeply offended, and rightly so by the laxity of your office as a whole¡­ and your personal failure to act on this travesty. What have you decided; if I may ask¡­?¡± ¡°Eggs and toast, I think.¡± The knight murmured thoughtfully. ¡°Perhaps sausages as well¡­ Sir Theobard prefers coffee and a sweet roll, I believe.¡± ¡°Your attitude has been noted, sir.¡± She snapped, suddenly far less cordial than her previous tone. ¡°This will be discussed extensively with the Merchant¡¯s League and the baroness herself!¡± ¡°I¡¯m certain it will be. Good day citizen.¡± He answered sweetly. Mistress Kerrik gripped his office door in her bejeweled hand and gave it her mightiest effort on the way out. Her attempt to slam the door failed miserably, it swung unhindered until a few scant inches remained¡­ When the door paused, all on its own; then slowly eased the rest of the way closed with a soft, satisfied hiss. Two days before, a burly young Adventurer had strolled in, with a small box and a letter from his cousin, Baron Thelonius Dunham. The lord of Port Fallon on the eastern north coast was an odd man, with an odd sense of humor. On the occasion of Baron Thelonius Dunham¡¯s birth day, house Dunham of Port Fallon bids you well and good health, dear cousin. The bearer of this letter carries a small token of our mutual love and affection. Please allow this craftsman to do his work without interference. Sir Thelonius Dunham, Baron of Port Fallon. P.S. You will come to understand the worth of this gift in due time. Your cousin, Tony. When the muscular young carpenter had finished installing a new set of door hinges on his office, the aging knight had simply shook his head in confusion and bid the friendly young man a good day. Sir Dunham hadn¡¯t thought any more of it, once he noticed that the annoying squeak and chill draft from that door that he¡¯d been putting up with for eight years was gone, hopefully for good. The mystery of the unslammed door took a distant second position in the race for his attention. The look on Bernadette¡¯s face when her petulant antics fell flat¡­ It was now a cherished memory; snug and warm in his heart forever more. Curious as to how this treasure had come to be his; he rose and opened his door wide, taking a good long look at what the lad had done to the heavy oak portal. The hinges looked pretty ordinary, if well crafted and oddly designed¡­ The only oddity was a small cylinder enclosing the hinge works, rather than a wrought iron pin. The knight took the door and gave it a trial slam¡­ Which resulted in only a soft hiss and the click of the latch, nothing more. There were no gears or signs of any kind of spring mechanism to explain it, the door simply refused to be slammed. Even when he tried to force it, the hinges put up some mysterious resistance, then slowly eased the portal closed, every time. The knight got up in the door jamb and gave the innocuous seeming hinges a better look. Hidden near the pivot point, engraved into the brass plate, was a line of text: Karen¡¯s-Bane hinge, Wardco Engineering Partners Llc. ¡°Weird¡­¡± He muttered, before going back to his paperwork. # Ch: 11 Underdogs Can Bite Too Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 11 Underdogs Can Bite Too The mysterious trading post on the formerly uninhabited island did a brisk trade over the next few days. There was even more stuff than they had imagined, lurking in the muddy rubbish piles near the community waste pits, carved deep into the island¡¯s volcanic stone. The top forty feet of the typical waste pit was lined with smooth stone and rings of iron spikes pointing inward and angled sharply down; effectively preventing anything larger than a good sized crab from climbing out. A hefty stone lid rolled away at dawn every day and rolled back over each pit every night, for everyone¡¯s peace of mind. Untold generations of monsters worked inside the volcano to transform all the rotting food, scrap lumber and trash the islanders produced into¡­ monster leavings. Down in the lava tubes beneath the island, groundworms competed with a mind boggling profusion of beasts and monsters, to consume the island¡¯s rubbish. They swarmed in the depths, devouring anything and everything they could, including each other. In the untamed free for all in the island¡¯s stony bowels, anything and everything that could be eaten would be eaten. There were only a few things groundworms were unable to eat: bare stone, their own waste and woolcrabs. The result of all that eating was the rich, silty soil of the island, tended and maintained by the huge herds of woolcrabs that roamed most uninhabited sections of the island. They nested in the lava tubes and were largely responsible for the distribution of the monster produced fertilizer, as their relentless, mindless burrowing and browsing spread the stuff far and wide. Woolcrabs found the stuff delicious and were always near the filth choked lava tubes, doing what crustaceans do: eating and shitting. On the frequent occasions when the woolcrabs dug too deep in the filth choked tunnels and encountered groundworms or something similar, horribly toxic crab flesh either killed or repelled the creatures back into the depths of the island. The giant, inedible crabs mined the depths all night, then wandered the rocky shores all day, in a disgusting and highly efficient ecosystem. Organic waste and debris never re-emerged from the waste pits on the edges of town, but the crabs dragged metal objects to the entrances regularly. The resulting heaps of junk had long since been scoured of anything useful, beyond the rusting remnants of ship fittings, broken housewares and abandoned scrap. Local smiths had been salvaging odds and ends here and there since forever, but no smith was going to waste valuable, imported fuel to smelt junk into usable ingots. By the same logic, no merchant was going to haul that stuff to a foundry on the mainland for what would amount to a small sack of loose change, after expenses. Rio and Wilf had no concerns for fuel costs, since their foundry ran on the unconscious magical output of their strange little family, tapped through the ubiquitous bronze ear cuffs they wore as they went about their business. Scrap goods, green lumber, herbs and other foraged goods vanished into the ring of mangroves, while tools and housewares poured out into the eager hands of the residents of Westfall Township. With a few simple tools, some lumber and a few nails, the slum started shaping up almost visibly every day. The number of picks, shovels, wheelbarrows and pile drivers the trading post bartered and sold seemed to even have an effect on the soil of Westfall island itself. Drainage ditches and culverts started appearing all around, managed by otter, beaver and badger folks. Things became less moist and soggy underfoot and among the houses of the township, even as garden plots developed in formerly untended yards. Since the strangers arrived, the local rubbish heaps were suddenly crawling with people, both human and beastkin. The poverty stricken are supposed to remain politely invisible; instead, they were pretty evident all around the town. Every few minutes a wheelbarrow, or a parade of young people, lugging bundles and baskets would march over the bridge, eager to sell their goods. Beyond just scrap metal, foragers were doing a brisk trade in all manner of wild gathered stuff. Baskets of mushrooms, bark, leaves and roots, the rolled up hides and skins of swamp creatures, bones and stranger things began to stack up in Amy¡¯s corner of the underground workspace. Those faint signs of increasing prosperity and the sudden influx of goods into ¡®beast town¡¯ did not go unremarked in the market ward of the human town. Rumblings and grumblings aside, the level of general hostility in the market ward was palpable, whenever furry people were in view. As a result, there was a lot of tooth grinding going on among the denizens of Centre Port proper. ¡°Kids, we need to get you out of town for a day or two¡­ We¡¯ll go hunting on the uplands, Tallum will pick up some contracts at the guild hall.¡± Ivy had announced on the third morning since the whole crew had landed in town. ¡°We are getting a little low on meat¡­¡± Amy grumbled with a hungry look in her eyes. That was how they wound up camping on the uplands of the big island, during a summer storm. # ¡°Don¡¯t worry about us, we have a camp all set up¡­ we¡¯ll be back on schedule.¡± Ivy whispered into her earcuff and collar button, sending her voice to the matching artifacts in Becky¡¯s possession, a few miles away. This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. ¡°We¡¯re almost out of range, Becks¡­ see you tomorrow.¡± She sat back in her tent, leaning on her enormous husband. ¡°She¡¯s nervous, Tallums¡­¡± The blonde mage said softly after a moment. ¡°She has a lot of reasons to be worried. Gary¡¯s not getting any better, the pantheon is still in a frenzy and only the threat of the empire invading is keeping the southern lords from going to war on each other¡­¡± The big smith rumbled softly. ¡°We¡¯re all nervous.¡± Rain and wind shook the trees around the little camp on the highlands of Centre Port, below the boughs. A number of bright colored, round tents shared the meadow among the sheltering trees. Wind gusts in the branches made a soft, moaning sound that was almost musical in the heavy, rain scented air at sundown. Franklin Knubbel smiled at the young couple standing in front of a bright blue dome tent made of bamboo rods and spidersilk, as the first fat, warm raindrops landed on his head. ¡°Tonight my friends, relax, listen to the rain on your tent and pity any poor fool that¡¯s out in weather like this.¡± # ¡°I dunno why we¡¯re out in weather like this¡­¡± Someone whispered from a dark, floating shape on the rain spattered, stormy bay. ¡°Cause if we get seen, one of these fluff humpers will squeal to the castle.¡± Another indistinct form hissed. ¡°We cut this bridge loose, it drifts over and causes trouble in the shipping lanes. Then the duchess will be forced to evict these stray animals¡­ Now shut up and paddle¡­ idiot.¡± There were a few soft noises in the darkness on the pontoon bridge connecting the beastkin slum and the small island where the traders encamped. ¡°Everyone back aboard?¡± The hoarse whisper rasped in the darkness, wind and fog. The moons peeked out through the clouds and rain, as a wind gust slithered over the darkened waterways of Centre Port, revealing a long construct of empty barrels and bamboo decking, adrift in the harbor. ¡°Andy¡­ I¡¯m still on the bridge¡­¡± Someone called in a soft and desperate voice. ¡°Don¡¯t say my name you arsehole!¡± ¡®Andy¡¯ whispered back fiercely. ¡°Stay put, we¡¯ll get you.¡± The sound of paddling and soft splashes followed the drifting bridge span for a moment, before the tremulous voice called out again, with a note of desperation. ¡°It¡¯s shrinking, Andy! It¡¯s shrinking!¡± ¡°Shut up you mooncalf!¡± Came the reply. ¡°Shrinking indeed¡­ Fool.¡± The moons parted the clouds again, revealing the bridge span, slowly headed for the harbor and the huddled form at the end, nearest the pursuing rowboat. The floating structure did seem shorter than it had been¡­ but that had to be a trick of the moonlight. As ¡®Andy¡¯ watched, the huddled figure in a dark cloak was forced to edge back down the decking, as if the thing was being nibbled away at each end. ¡°Help!¡± He almost shouted as the process accelerated, making him retreat farther. A few heartbeats later the drifting structure crossed some invisible threshold and simply vanished into a cloud of pleasant scented mist, dumping a man into the icy harbor with a soft splash. ¡°Well¡­ Fuck.¡± ¡®Andy¡¯ snarled as the struggling man screamed out for help. Lights began appearing around the island trading post, as well as on a small, fast moving boat¡­ headed their way with a bright searchlight at the bow. # Becky sat at the tiller of the skiff, while Dannyl worked the searchlight. Together they chased the hapless rowboat full of wet and miserable bigots all over the harbor; always just ¡®failing¡¯ to catch the desperately rowing and paddling dirtbags. Having a little fun was all well and good, but with the kids away, no one could restore the conjured pontoon bridge between the slum and island. They watched the soggy trio of shitheads pull into a weedy mud slip and drag their boat silently out of sight, while playing the magical lantern spotlight across the far bank. They kept up the fake search for a little while longer, letting the schmucks slip away in the swamp. ¡°When we finally bring the hammer down on these chumps¡­ I¡¯m totally going to explain at length how we let them escape¡­¡± Dannyl grumbled, watching the chumps in question scurry through the reeds with his vision gift from Marduk, god of Knowledge. ¡°Supernatural sight powers kick ass.¡± ¡°Always allow the truly stupid display their ignorance to its fullest extent, my child.¡± Becky intoned sagely, in her ¡®I¡¯m the High Priestess¡¯ voice. ¡°Let¡¯s go home.¡± # Morning on the uplands arrived with loud noises and the sounds of a fierce battle. Rio and Amy swarmed over the open end of their little meadow, sparring ferociously with swords of split bamboo wrapped with leather. They displayed a strange, almost alien grace and elegance in their swordplay, as the battle raged on. Amy¡¯s point dipped low, then swept high, binding with Rio¡¯s as they spun around each other in a smooth, controlled dance. Subtle changes in blade angle, pressure, grip and tension were their only language. The poetry of movement, footwork and stance was spelled out in the grass and mud beneath their feet, elevating their battle to a higher plane¡­ In an instant it was over. Rio¡¯s boot slid just a little on a patch of mud slicked gravel. Amy slipped her blade free of his bind and struck three times, while he was still struggling to bring his point back into line. Her wooden rapier clacked against his elbow, hip and breastplate with three crisp taps. Jeskin and Leafchaser cheered loudly for the victor, from the safety of the breakfast table. Facing an intimidating stack of buttered flapjacks in hand to hand combat was already more than they could manage. ¡°This is going to take teamwork, Jessie¡­¡± She whispered from behind the terrifying breakfast plate Wilford landed in front of her. ¡°Wilf, your new friends are probably not that hungry¡­¡± Ivy shouted to the huge, heavily muscled lad, whose spatula was still ringing out a soft, sweet note in the misty morning. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ sorry¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°I forget, sometimes.¡± ¡°The Wards are fine hosts and splendid Adventurers¡­ But they will fatten you up, if you don¡¯t watch out.¡± The petite blonde mage sang happily from the lap of her gigantic husband. ¡°You always say that, but I don¡¯t see it.¡± The giant whispered in her ear fondly, while accepting a towering plate from the big kid at the griddle. He picked up a serving fork and dove in¡­ Or perhaps it was a regular fork, specially sized for the soft spoken smith. He munched his way through enough syrup and butter drizzled pancakes to feed a family of five and sighed happily. ¡°We¡¯ve got a pair of small ground dragons, just fifteen feet long¡­ a giant crab and at least one trapdoor spider before we head home.¡± Ivy announced crisply, once breakfast was finished and the morning workouts were done. ¡°Decide who¡¯s tackling the spider among yourselves. We move out in a half hour.¡± Groans and a little good natured complaining failed to move Ivy¡¯s cold heart, she marched them along the narrow, rocky trail through the scrub, before the sun even finished burning away the fog. Two miles later, at the jagged edge of a rift in the volcanic cone that made up most of the island, Ivy called a halt. ¡°The spider is down there¡­¡± She said softly, pointing to a lava tube a few dozen yards down the sharp, jagged crevasse. Silvery threads glinted in the bright morning sunshine, revealing the beast¡¯s location. ¡°The stench will be thick down there, so be ready.¡± The veteran mage murmured. ¡°You¡¯ve handled plenty of these, go get it.¡± Amy and Rio began free climbing down the sheer rock face, slipping from one precarious handhold to another with effortless grace. Maya and Frankie followed, using ropes anchored for their descent by the older kids. Soon, all four lightly armored young people were gathered at the mouth of the cavern. Amy looked up and waved silently, her wide, bright smile visible even in the dimness of the rift. ¡°We¡¯re going in.¡± Her voice whispered in Ivy¡¯s ear, and the ears of the rest of the group waiting nervously above. # Ch: 12 Sharp Lessons Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 12 Sharp Lessons The chimes of second bell rang out over the harbor of Centre Port, as Becky Ward, high priestess of Marduk, the god of Knowledge stepped out of the main house. Her smooth, dark skin seemed to shine in the bright sunshine, set off by the wildfire colors of her common bodice and skirts. A snug plait of jet black hair decorated with colorful beads of crystal, gems and simple glazed clay crowned her head, in not too subtle mockery of the diadems and circlets some nobles affected. Likewise, her garments were of impeccable quality and fit, but of common, if fine cloth; the final stroke was her Adventure guild badge, proudly on display. Her husband, sir Kermal Singh wore plain, brown leather armor, just as finely made and ornamented with his personal crest; a black and yellow death¡¯s head hawkmoth, neatly embroidered into his baldric, which carried only a bronze studded truncheon of gray wood. His helmet of leather, bronze and brass concealed his face behind a smiling, colorfully painted and ornamented skull mask that somehow seemed cheeky and delighted, rather than sinister. Becky tucked her arm through Kermal¡¯s and gave a sharp, piercing whistle, directed at a fig tree, planted in the center of the garden. A scant few seconds later, a tall, muscular, dark haired man stepped out from beneath the bough, smiling happily. The man¡¯s teeth seemed inordinately large, bright white and oddly sharp. ¡°I¡¯m ready when you are¡­¡± Ward, the demigod of Death, Vengeance and golden fig trees said cheerily. ¡°I think I should change first, though.¡± Dressed in closely fitted clothes of deep and unrelieved black, it was hard to determine any details of the cut, style and finish of his garments¡­ Save that they were deeply strange, by local standards. He stepped out of sight, under the tree and emerged again in a moment, in plain black leather armor much like the smaller man¡¯s. His baldric also carried a sturdy cudgel of blackthorn and was decorated with an emblem. Two pale moons, stitched in silvery spider silk peeked out from among a tangle of flowering duskmoon vines on the wide leather strap¡­ As well as an indistinct, humanoid form among the colorful vines. The placement and alignment of the images seemed off, somehow, drawing the eye and demanding closer inspection. Kermal leaned closer to examine his friend and deity¡¯s emblem and snorted a long, loud laugh a moment later. ¡°Oh, you really suck, Ward!¡± He gasped as he wiped away the results of his sudden bout of uncontrolled giggles with a handkerchief. Becky stepped closer with a much aggrieved sigh for her weird, semi divine, immortal uncle. She peered at the strap and its elaborate stitchery for a long, silent moment. At first glance it was simply a complex bit of stitchcraft¡­ a more prolonged look revealed Ward¡¯s smiling face peering from behind the twining vines, and the moons resolved into the man¡¯s bare buttocks, mooning the viewer ¡®cheekily¡¯. Once seen, the effect could not be unseen, no matter how hard the poor girl tried. ¡°Gods and spirits, you are a huge asshole, you know that?¡± She asked, through a fit of her own giggles. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s go kick a hornet¡¯s nest.¡± Dannyl joined the group at the pier, also dressed in simple leather, bearing the Ward family treble clef sigil on his baldric, picked out in black embroidery. He had a strange, rectangular wood and leather case slung on his hip, rather than an obvious weapon. The confident young man ferried his trio of passengers across to Westfall Island and the beastkin town in his skiff, among the many, many boats and canoes scurrying back and forth from the busy trading post and the slum. With the pontoon bridge destroyed, trade had only slowed a little. The islanders were no strangers to small craft and had more than a few enterprising folks hustling for bits, providing transport across the slow moving channel for small change. Dannyl waved as the party strolled off, headed for the city, taking the muddy and rutted path connecting the slum with the town proper. He moored the unnamed skiff and vanished among the crowds of beastfolk and humans swarming the little township. The small, slim man whistled a merry tune, as he walked out of the slum and into the bustling dock ward of the city. He kept walking past the gate of the walled city proper and vanished into the jungle road leading to the wild lowlands beyond. # All through the slums, the two warriors and the small beautiful young woman smiled and waved at passers by, shopping in stalls and pausing now and again to sample the local street food. The slim, girlish young woman seemed to have an insatiable appetite, as they snacked their way to the city gates, one tasty morsel at a time. ¡°Curried gator kebabs are going on the menu, Kermie¡­ you should try one!¡± She sang enthusiastically. ¡°I would rather not meet the local gentry with curried swamp lizard stuck between my teeth, darling.¡± He answered mildly. ¡°You do you though.¡± ¡°I told you we should have brought Amy¡­ she knows how to have fun.¡± Ward whispered more than loud enough for the young knight to hear. He was three kebabs in and eyeing a nearby noodle cart hungrily, while still licking sauce from his fingers. ¡°I sent the kids out of town for that very reason, ya big doofus.¡± Becky shot the tall, muscular man a glare that should have singed his nose hairs, were he a mere mortal man. Even so, he wilted a little, while sir Kermal smirked abominably at him, over his wife¡¯s head. ¡°To be clear, I want to ¡®encourage¡¯ these townies to straighten up. This will be an exercise in soft power, not an opportunity to unleash my little sister on them.¡± The swagger in her walk and insouciant smile on her dark pink lips greeted everyone in workman¡¯s clothes or beggars rags without hesitation, while gliding past the affluent with exaggerated disinterest. Her whole demeanor was a carefully crafted insult, calculated to infuriate and enrage the upper crusty side of town she was on her way to visit. She wore her robes of office loosely, draped over her colorful clothing, drawing eyes from all around as she strolled through the slums and outskirts of the city. As they neared the gates, Becky shrugged herself into her robes of office and raised her hood. In a brief few heartbeats, the smiling young woman became a frightening, fascinating harbinger of eldritch wisdom, touched by divine grace. Her dancing feet vanished into impenetrable shadow, as she seemed to glide forward, as though propelled by an unseen chariot. Flanked by her two guards, the small priestess glided along dressed in a dark gray hooded robe, embroidered and ornamented to evoke a deciduous forest, in the throes of early spring. Poppies, wolfsbane, monkshood and duskmoon flowers twined and entangled her hem, with maple leaves scattered across her shoulders, in the brilliant green of springtime. Tendrils of dense shadowstuff crawled and reached from her hood occasionally, as the menacing trio marched and glided through the quiet streets of the walled city. Silence descended as they passed, as even children, pets and familiars paused to watch the uncanny people drift by, headed for uptown and the temple district. The fresh morning air was perfumed with the springtime scents of citrus blossoms and new growing things. Daybats, batlizards and giant dragonflies patrolled the shady boughs that shaded every avenue and street, feasting on the vermin hiding there. They darted among the branches devouring the ever present pests that were the island¡¯s bane. Strolling under the trees and flitting, flying predators, the people of Centre Port proper went about their days. Colorful awnings and brightly painted signpoles advertised a dizzying array of goods. Spices, exotic fruits and vegetables, trinkets, baubles and costume jewelry met their eyes wherever they looked, as the city bustled and traded all around. Off the main avenues, the streets and lanes were lined with neat, compact houses with tiny front gardens. Most sported a fruit tree or flowering bush and offered a pleasant place for the residents to take the evening breezes¡­ Or to watch a strange trio march past their doorsteps, on their own mission in the temple district. The main feature of the temple district was, of course, the temple. A single large stone cathedral stood in a central court, surrounded by acres of paved plaza. Trees and fountains provided comfort and places to rest or chat, as did a wide park, ringing the temple. In the center of that idyllic scene the cathedral itself stood; four grand architectural wonders joined together to form one moderately ugly building. The north entrance was Healer¡¯s, made of white marble and the local volcanic stone. It displayed the simple and tidy aesthetic her worshipers were known for, with a polished bronze sun disk above the elegant door of pale, varnished oak. The west and south faces belonged to Order and War, respectively, Order¡¯s temple of gray granite and dark wood panels contrasted fiercely with War¡¯s brutalist slab of dark basalt. Healer¡¯s temple seemed to almost hide behind Joy, who held the eastern side, opposite Order, as if they stood between her and War. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. The fourfold temple was a bit of an eyesore, but the shrines to Secret and the spirits scattered in the parklands drew the tall man¡¯s attention. ¡°Before we kick this hornet¡¯s nest¡­ I¡¯d like to stroll this plaza, do you mind if we weird out a few more locals first?¡± The black armored man asked softly, in a singsong, lilting accent. ¡°Sure¡­ We¡¯ll do the whole ¡®dutiful cleric¡¯ number, then see how much trouble we can get into.¡± Becky chirped happily. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to spend much time with you lately.¡± Ward and Becky toured the shrines before approaching the main temple, visiting each in turn. They found a few surprises in their wandering; the shrines to Fire, Earth, Air, Water and Light were all neat and well maintained, as was Secret¡¯s¡­ Tucked away here and there, were a few new additions to the pantheon. Kermal spotted it first, a small altar under a tile roofed, stone shelter, just a few yards from Water¡¯s fountain. Clever hands had felted and woven a splendid idol of Thirp, in her busty, four armed, four legged persona. She was crafted in woolcrab fibers and canvas, but the feelings of the crafter came through, even with such humble materials. A minute or two later, Becky found a rose arbor, concealing a small idol dedicated to Eponna. An obelisk inscribed with the names of four dragons, representing the winds, stood nearby. The Greenman had an effigy sculpted into a mighty oak tree by the market gate, while Quetzalcoatl twined around a stone altar, carved in cunning bas relief into a small column of local obsidian, topped with a sundial. After a pleasant and distracting hour spent enjoying the shrines and chatting, they turned their gazes onto Order¡¯s temple and nodded. ¡°Time to get started?¡± Becky asked softly. Kermal glanced at the large number of locals who were lingering in the temple park and very obviously not watching the strangers and gossiping furiously¡­ certainly not. They were no doubt huddled together in tight clusters all around, whispering and surreptitiously glancing their way every few seconds for unrelated reasons. ¡°I think we have enough of an audience. Shall we, High priestess?¡± He bowed low to the robed woman and arose with a hoop drum in his hands. Ward knelt down on the turf near Secret¡¯s shrine and began digging a hole in the ground with a bronze trowel, while Kermal¡¯s drum and Becky¡¯s harp struck up a tune. ¡°Really, Becky? ¡®Don¡¯t Fear the Reaper¡¯?¡± He demanded with a smile. ¡°Kermal has no idea, does he?¡± ¡°Kermal hasn¡¯t a clue, save that his wife asked for a beat¡­ You understand how it is.¡± The knight answered with a happy sigh. ¡°Now, are you going to get started? Or is this going to be an ¡®instrumental jam sesh¡¯?¡± Ward slipped a familiar guitar into view, drawing the instrument out of a pocket that could never have fit it. He strummed and ran his fingers up the neck, dancing over the monster tooth frets in a confident, driving sound. ¡°You know what we need¡­?¡± He asked, as he made his mortal brother¡¯s guitar roar and growl in the late morning sunshine. ¡°A god of death who isn¡¯t a massive goof?¡± Becky suggested. ¡°No, I need more cowbell.¡± He sniffed at the cowled priestess in obvious and exaggerated offense; as a dark figure rose from his shadow, playing the aforementioned cowbell in a rock steady beat. ¡°Now shut up and play, mortal girl!¡± The crowd watched in confusion and annoyance, as the group made a noisy nuisance of themselves in the temple park. The robed girl and the black clad warrior quarreled and bickered constantly, trading insults between bars of raucous, powerful music and verses that made little sense. All our times have come, Here but now they''re gone¡­ Seasons don''t fear the reaper, Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain¡­ They wrapped up and tucked their instruments away neatly, before the first knight of Order came trundling out of the temple to demand answers. Few of the witnesses could give a good description of the vagabond musicians, finding their memories hazy. Fewer still could clearly remember when a large, golden fig tree had come to dominate the north eastern corner of the outlying park. # The local giant ¡®skeeters were deeply upsetting, even for veteran travelers. Somehow, Centre Port had developed a uniquely horrible version of the blood sucking vermin. They were nearly twice the size of their mainland cousins, but possessed soft, dusty wings like moths rendering them silent. Even worse, they were known for crawling under simple mosquito nettings, displaying a level of cunning that pleased no one. Canny travelers quickly came to understand the value of the more costly local mosquito curtains, with strands of weights stitched in the hems. Frankie and Maya had mosquitos on their minds, since a number of particularly large examples had flittered out of the shady crevice, as Rio and Amy climbed down. They gave the young couple a wide berth, repelled by the vermin ward charms built into their armor and clothing, but the things were awful. Down in the lava tube, signs of web were more obvious, though the stench they had expected, failed to deliver. It was funky and stale down there, reeking of acrid substances best left unconsidered, while delving in a dark hole that almost certainly contained something venomous. ¡°Ivy, this is not a trapdoor spider, I repeat, not a trapdoor. We have plenty of webbing, but no stink.¡± Amy spoke clearly and softly into the silent cave, transmitting her voice to their comrades through her vocal gift. While she spoke, the others ignited the glowstones built into their armor, illuminating the place. The fissure in the mountainside outside ran fifteen feet down, before it opened into a lava tube of sharp, volcanic stone. Flinders of obsidian and coarse, abrasive lava stone lined the bowels of the mountain, running off in either direction. The tube itself was irregular and chaotic, everything was uneven, pointy and rough, with no signs of sentient craft or work to smooth the natural rock. The space at the bottom of the fissure had filled in with silt and rubble to create a surface that was only uneven and treacherous. Strands of shining silver spidersilk drifted and dangled, there were no webs or signs of a funnel of silk, just random strands of very thin silken threads, hardly thicker than a normal giant spider¡¯s product.. ¡°Wait for the rest of us, we¡¯ll be down presently.¡± Ivy answered a moment later, through her comms device. ¡°Sorry auntie¡­ we¡¯ll wait, but they won¡¯t.¡± Amy sounded calm, but Maya¡¯s shrill scream of terror came echoing up from the rift at the same time. With cool and calm deliberation, Amy raised her pistol crossbow and fired a slim steel dart at a pale gray form zipping through the air at them at an alarming speed. The transfixed creature splattered into a coarse outcropping of obsidian with a wet sound. ¡°Frankie, get Maya under control please.¡± Amy ordered calmly, as she reloaded her pistol crossbow. ¡°Watch our back line til the others arrive. Just like in training.¡± She drew a bead on a fast flying, winged spider and launched her dart with careless precision, even as she nailed another with her left hand weapon. Rio¡¯s spear point was streaked with dark reddish blood and ichor and at least four of the creatures were twitching and thrashing at his feet. They weren¡¯t especially large, perhaps the size of a small chicken; though an eyeless, chitinous, web spitting, ill tempered, bat chicken, with two pairs of bat wings, four grasping raptor legs and a stinger tail. Amy holstered her crossbows and drew her saber, moving to intercept one that was swooping down from near the entrance fissure. The spider pulled all of its legs close to its body, tucked its tail so the stinger led the way and streaked down, in a flash of grayish white chitin. Frankie was standing over Maya, who was still struggling with her first monster mishap. ¡°A trapdoor would be bad enough¡­ Why flying spiders?¡± She gasped raggedly up at her boyfriend. ¡°I have you, love¡­ it¡¯s all going to be ok.¡± He answered confidently, with his eyes on the dark tunnel leading in the other direction ¡°Incoming, Frankie!¡± Both Amy¡¯s warning and blade were a hair too slow, she sheared off one wing, but the beast slammed into the young Adventurer from behind. Five or six pounds of flying critter drove the sharp bone spike on its tail into him, between his breast and back plates, piercing Frankie in the side with its barbed stinger. The young warrior swatted it flat with a wet crunching sound, but too late; he felt a burning numbness spreading from the wound like liquid fire, followed by creeping ice in his blood. ¡°Right between the armor plates!¡± He yelped. ¡°It got me good.¡± ¡°We¡¯ve got flyers. Small and fast, they have venom. Frank got stung already¡­¡± Amy paused to slash another ghastly creature from the air with her flashing blade. Frankie¡¯s cry shook something in slim, slender Maya; something fierce and terrible. She scrambled to her feet, standing over the lad, as he slowly sank down to the cave floor looking weak and ill. With a sharp shard of volcanic rock in each hand and a pile of additional flinders and chunks all around, she began to hurl stones at the flying wretches. With starting accuracy, she picked off one critter after another, bashing them with fast flying chunks of the cave itself. Whether her sharp, jagged projectiles struck wings or bodies, the brittle creatures went down hard. The flyers¡¯ began falling in greater numbers under her relentless deluge of stones, even as more began swarming from the darkened lava tube. At Maya and Becky¡¯s feet, Frankie leaned back against the cavern wall and began digging in his kit for bottles and packets of herbs. He dropped one pinch of dark, flaky, dried and crumbled herb into a porcelain mortar and pestle, with a few drops from another bottle. A little of this, a few pinches of that¡­ He began stirring and grinding his mixture, as the other Adventurers began dropping in from the fissure above, one or two at a time. Ivy landed with effortless grace, with a pair of bronze bound wooden cudgels in her hands. She took in the scene and lept into action within a second or two, swatting the creatures down as they spun and wheeled in the confines of the long, low, cavernous chamber. Striking the beasts¡¯ wings while they performed diving attacks resulted in spectacular crash landings and bloody, cartwheeling wrecks. As will happen, they began competing against each other, each one seeking to clobber more of the things than their comrades. Maya dedicated herself to the task with particular zeal, continuing to pelt the flyers with jagged stones. As the cadre of Adventurers grew, they sent small, winged monsters tumbling across the cave floor, while Frankie worked feverishly, mixing his muddy, reeking stuff. ¡°It¡¯s nasty¡­¡± The young man gasped, when Benny landed beside him and began checking him over, while he kept working his mixture. ¡°Scorpion venom¡­ pain and paralysis. This should take the edge off and slow it.¡± He took a pinch of his thick, nasty goop and began rolling it in his palm, swiftly creating a half dozen small, irregularly shaped pellets of coarse, blackish green crud. He popped one in his mouth and swallowed with a wince. ¡°It¡¯s gross, but everybody needs to take one, just in case¡­.¡± He murmured softly, while continuing to form more of the ugly little pills. ¡°In an hour give me another one¡­¡± He gasped as the venom wracked him with pain and disorientation. ¡°Never mind, I¡¯ll probably be unconscious by then.¡± He grimaced and swallowed two more of the dreadful, stinky concoctions. ¡°Benny, carry Frank. We¡¯re pulling out.¡± Ivy ordered calmly, as she shook what was left of a bat spider off her left hand club. ¡°Amy, Wilf, Rio¡­ You know what to do.¡± ¡°Scorched earth?¡± Amy asked sweetly. ¡°The nuclear option?¡± ¡°We need to be able to confirm our work¡­ nothing That might cause a cave in.¡± Ivy and the kids continued smushing the seemingly endless stream of flying vermin, as Benny and Frank began rising up the shaft. Benny half climbed and was half lifted by a rope harness binding the injured man to him; hauled up by Tallum¡¯s terrifying might, up at the surface. Ivy and Maya followed swiftly, climbing the lines dropped by the team when they made entry. ¡°All right boys¡­¡± Amy sang cheerfully when the others were out of the cave. Wilf and Rio defended their sister, the two armored boys eschewed weapons, in favor of just grabbing or swatting them with their armored gauntlets. The venomed stings that managed to strike flesh raised little more than a drop of blood and a minor welt, as the venom failed utterly in the face of alien physiology. Amy¡¯s guitar began to wail, sending loud and harmonious agony into the swarm, in frequencies that confounded their echolocation¡­ while the bat spiders were flying fast among a forest of razor sharp stones. Her voice roared out, slashing through the cavern with terrible violence. You see me now, a veteran, Of a thousand psychic wars. I''ve been living on the edge so long, Where the winds of limbo roar! And I''m young enough to look at, And far too old to see, All the scars are on the inside¡­ ¡°You''re really into Blue ?yster Cult lately.¡± Rio mumbled as his drum joined Wilf¡¯s flute, wreaking havoc on the flyers. # Ch: 13 Loafing Around Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 13 Loafing Around The complex network of lava tubes that the island communities used to process their waste, led to a myriad of side passages and small crevices. Those chambers hosted a lightless, ravenous ecosystem all their own; fueled by the islander¡¯s nightsoil and kitchen rubbish. The island¡¯s native predators were sufficient to manage nearly all escapees, since anything large and voracious usually ran into a woolcrab first. The huge, horribly toxic, but completely harmless crustaceans roamed the island constantly, consuming leaf litter, detritus and any other decomposed or decomposing organic matter. Their burrowing activities and constant browsing created the rich, fertile croplands on the lower slopes. Loud and raucous music thundered from the narrow rift in the volcano¡¯s side, shaking small stones loose and terrifying the local fauna. More than a few creatures fled the lava tubes; flying, crawling or scuttling for their lives. Maya picked off the few batspiders that were desperate enough to emerge into daylight and lucky enough to navigate the razor sharp lava tubes. The eyeless bat, scorpion, spider creatures were cave specialists, unable to tolerate even moonlight. An ordinary colony of the things, far from human habitation could be left alone, to feast on even more noxious vermin; like cave crawlers and stray worms from the wasteworks. The things were usually timid, preying on small crawling vermin and hiding in the complex, rocky environment when humans intruded. In the lava tube ecosystem, almost any form of small scuttling life thrived, from tiny mundane crawlers, like roaches and isopods, to giant cave centipedes. Those were the most dangerous natural beasts native to the island. Monsters were a different matter; they could and would mutate from minor nuisances to terrifying threats in a few short weeks, if left unchallenged. That was what was at play here. The Batspiders were agitated and aggressive, hurling themselves in suicidal dive bombing runs, rather than their usual stealthy, ambush tactics. That more than suggested to the team that things had gotten deeply odd, farther into the cave system. Under the influence of Wilf¡¯s flute, the flying horrors redoubled their desperate attacks, even as Amy and Rio¡¯s music blinded and deafened the enraged beasts. Wilf urged the fragile, brittle, fast flying winged spiders to hurl their bodies at the team in mindless aggression. The almost invariably collided with jagged stone walls and outcroppings, slapping into the rocky terrain with such regularity, that the walls were nearly covered with wrecked bugs. The wretched things would have as much luck trying to fly through a woodchipper; ichor and bug parts slowly dripped to the uneven floor of the tube, which did little for the general ambiance. Three hard rocking tracks later, the flying vermin stopped appearing. Either they had finally learned their lesson, or this colony was depleted. The only way to find out was to investigate the slick, noisome cavern. ¡°We¡¯re heading up¡­¡± Amy spoke into the cavern, sending her voice to her comrades with her vocal arts. ¡°Frankie is recovering¡± Ivy answered over the magical device in Amy¡¯s ear. ¡°Lunch first, then we delve for our prey.¡± # High above the island, riding its thermal uprisings, Ward wheeled in the sky, singing a wordless song in praise of Joy, in frequencies no human could hear. In his bat form, only the wind on his wings could touch him, just as mortal eyes would slide off his aura. That was the funny thing about being largely incorporeal¡­ he didn¡¯t feel insubstantial or vaporous. Unnatural senses, likewise had become second nature to him since taking on his new life as a demigod in the human pantheon. In his senses, the aged, sick and dying stood out with greater clarity than the mass of living mortals, subtly calling for his attention. His few and scattered believers and cultists drew him to themselves in a different way, seeming like barely heard strains of sweet music, drifting in from distant places on the breeze. That was what he was searching for; somewhere on the island, Dannyl was out with a fistful of golden fig saplings, planting the small trees in unattended graveyards and forgotten, abandoned places. Amy and the kids were on the mountain slope, hunting, he heard their melodies clearly as they were actively using their gifts in battle against something. He gave a mental shrug. Ivy and Tallum were there, he would just be a distraction¡­ Dannyl was out wandering alone, as was his habit when exploring fresh lands. The lad¡¯s hunger for new vistas and excitement thrummed in the song his Contract crooned, over in the wide lowlands. Ward homed in on his emanations and dipped a wing, streaking to the source of his cultist¡¯s song of faith. The soft fluttering sound as he alighted in a mango tree drew Dannyl¡¯s attention instantly. ¡°I really enjoy trying to sneak up on you, Dan. Maybe someday I¡¯ll manage it.¡± There was a strong note of pride in his voice, as he cooed at his second cultist. ¡°Get good, then.¡± He muttered happily. ¡°Your buddy Kermal should be able to help, he¡¯s the sneakiest guy around now that Gary¡¯s¡­ whatever.¡± Both men¡¯s smiles faded a little for a moment, as they considered the unfortunate cripple. ¡°How¡¯s he doing? I haven¡¯t been to see them in a while.¡± The slim, wiry young mortal asked softly. ¡°Is Shai still pissed at me over the books?¡± Ward dropped soundlessly to the ground, taking on human form as he landed. ¡°She¡¯s coming around. Gary¡¯s been working on her¡­ And The kids have embraced the notoriety of it. Amy wields it as a weapon, playing up the ludicrous and over the top aspects of the myth to confound and confuse. I wonder where she learnt that trick?¡± He murmured with a smile that made a few of the local night blooming vines unfurl their petals early. ¡°When are they coming home to Wheatford? Any clue?¡± Dan asked gently. ¡°I think she¡¯ll forgive me if we¡¯re all together at home again.¡± ¡°I think by midsummer next year.¡± He said, from the shadows and dimness under the trees. ¡°Healer still refuses to grant him her rites and the rest of the pantheon remains¡­ wary of him. I am still forbidden to speak to him directly, so I sneak around with Shai and the boys while he¡¯s working.¡± ¡°What¡¯s going on up there? Ipet and Marduk have taken over for Order and Craft¡­ even if the hardliners still refuse to believe it, but War is still a mess.¡± The warrior sat down on a stone and pulled his guitar from nowhere. He began strumming and noodling in the blues, wandering around the key of D. The pale golden instrument gleamed in the afternoon light, its silver, rune inscribed resonator disk and braided silver grass strings, singing out across the forested lowlands. ¡°We have a half dozen War gods and goddesses now¡­ even the most easygoing of them is pretty hard to deal with, when it comes to sharing power.¡± He sighed. ¡°As the only Death god in the pantheon, I wind up caught in the middle a lot.¡± He drew a screaming red and yellow viola from his billowing cloak¡­ or from his wings, it could go either way. He joined Dannyl¡¯s brooding blues wanderings and slowly dragged him into a more uplifting, classical space, with a few tricks he¡¯d picked up from his brother. ¡°I suspect that the cults of War will keep arguing until the sun goes out. Fortunately, they are all so terrified of my brother¡­ and by extension¡­ me, that they won¡¯t try and break the peace.¡± Ward mulled that over for a while, with a slightly wicked smile on his face. ¡°I wonder if Cernunnos would be interested in taking over monster interdiction¡­ It¡¯s more like the Hunt, than War anyway.¡± His grin became a little feral and cruel. ¡°Healer might just sign off on that¡­ If Beast suggests it.¡± The two young men played together in a small woodland clearing, far from anyone or anything particularly remarkable. Shadows and subtle movements in the woodlands all around stirred the foliage, as unseen forces slowly closed in, called by the music. Specters, shades, wights and ghosts slipped through the trees, drifting from shadow to shadow, answering the call of the void. One by one, they slipped into the tall, dark haired man¡¯s shadow; occasionally emitting a weary, thankful sigh. # Back on the surface, Frankie was looking much better and was up and moving. He¡¯d brewed a purgative tea that nearly made him soil himself and flushed the wound with an astringent decoction of bloodwillow bark and aloe slime. He now sported a bandage, wound around his middle with a highly effective, smelly and lumpy poultice of powdered charcoal, aloe slime and healwell leaf. They had all taken at least one sting from the creatures in that wild melee; though Frank had gotten the worst of it, with a full load of venom right in his torso. He¡¯d had the foresight to prepare a number of concoctions ahead of time, but the scorpion venom was a nasty surprise. The distinctive aroma of Frankie¡¯s general purpose venom treatment was almost worse than most stings and bites¡­ In this case, no one was passing up his fragrant treatment, except the three who emerged from the depths at last. ¡°Nahh, we¡¯re fine.¡± Amy chirped happily, while scratching a small wound on her forearm. ¡°It has to be magical to affect us.¡± She shrugged and started helping Rio out of his armor. ¡°What¡¯s for lunch?¡± ¡°Ooo, yeah, so hungry¡­¡± Wilf muttered, as he started passing out warm damp cloths from his storage gift. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. # When Ward and Dannyl left their little clearing after lunch, a small golden fig tree stood in the meadow, as the only sign of their passing. Ward took on his shadowed bat form and winged away silently, while Dannyl continued his exploration of the island, planting his patron¡¯s trees wherever he found a place that spoke to him. Abandoned graveyards, forgotten crypts and battlefields, lonely farmhouses, long since fallen into ruin; in places of death and desolation, his little seedlings took root; sometimes the golden fig, occasionally the strangler fig, if the dead were less obstinate. On the desolate, upper cone of the volcano, among the lava flows and pumice sand dunes, he planted wildfire plums and twilight plantain. He camped there on the rim, by the warm glow of one of his little plum trees, looking down on the lights of Centre Port¡­ And the little islands beside it, that glowed nearly as brightly. Westfall and the little unnamed silt mound had become a real thorn in the side of the merchant princes of the trading realm. In a few short days, Amy and the boys had raked the foul, mucky underbelly of the town up, into the sunshine¡­ Now the Baroness would have to decide whether to tend her garden, or let the rot spread. He sketched the splendid view, recreating the panorama spread before him in charcoal and smiled down on the island domain below him. Lords and ladies might have title to the land and wear the pointy hats; but an Adventurer in the wilds was king of all he surveyed. He curled up in his tent, on a bedroll enchanted to provide comfort, repel insects and the elements. Beneath a tiny, green and verdant moon, he felt the comfort of Home, wherever he wandered, once the Fool¡¯s moon emerged in the night sky. # Becky looked over the smooth streets and sturdy piers Westfall Island now boasted, shining in the early morning fog. The rutted, overgrown and boggy trail between the city and Westfall had been taken in hand as well; it was now a road of hardened clay on a gravel berm, with drainage culverts spaced at regular intervals. She smiled with amusement at the traffic in both directions, as humans and beastkin of the poorer quarters bustled about days that were suddenly much more productive. A little hope and a bit of help was the secret ingredient, the people of Westfall and the docklands would provide all the leavening her loaf needed. Becky was elbows deep in a huge wad of dough, which prompted her bready maunderings and contemplations. The beaver and badger kin had pooled their talents to create a large, communal oven in the village green; Becky was helping with the inaugural bake. That should be the catalyst for the next phase of Operation: Only Douchebags Spell Center With An E On The End. ¡°I have got to stop letting Gary name things¡­¡± She sighed to herself as she wrestled her yeasty foe. The scent of baking had hit the docklands and brought a number of local goodwives scampering over the new road, hoping that bread could be had nearer their homes. The civic guard charged the docklands and slum dwellers two iron bits for entry, morning through evening, which always came with stern warnings to; ¡®Be back where you belong before nightfall¡¯. There were a pair of young dogboys tending the fire, and a platoon of eager bakers, shaping loaves and working the ovens. The tall, freestanding oven made of local lava stone had four bake chambers, two fireboxes and a tall chimney to carry the smoke up into the trade winds. Becky and a tall rabbit woman, goody Laupin, were in charge of the dough production team. Goodwife Laupin¡¯s approximately fifteen daughters were doing most of the work, and more than their fair share of the gossipping. Across the green, a collection of local crafters had cobbled together a simple craft hall of their own, with a smithy assembled from repaired cast offs from the town smiths, along with local stone and lumber. The carpentry shop boasted a springpole lathe and a few startling innovations provided by the kids of Team Ragamuffin, as a way to tweak the townies¡¯ collective noses. There were a number of folks over there, among the worktables and tools, sharing their knowledge among themselves. Goodman Laupin was demonstrating the craft of weaving rushes and reeds into chair seats and backs, while a doughty old beaver man was teaching a group of young men and women the basics of household carpentry. ¡°I don¡¯t know why it¡¯s always that we make a spice rack first¡­ It¡¯s tradition, ya obnoxious whelp!¡± The grumbly beaver man was saying to a grinning cat boy, who was clearly winding the codger up. The local craft guilds had been slow to adopt the new ideas sweeping the mainland, the beastfolk had fewer preconceptions about what was and was not possible. That was exactly what the high priestess needed in a Craft cult. Becky hadn¡¯t bothered approaching the temple of Craft in the merchant¡¯s quarter, she suspected they would be coming to her, this evening¡­ if not sooner. As if conjured by her wandering thoughts, a ruckus began in the docklands slum, between Westfall island and the city proper. At least three palanquins were meandering over the muddy streets of the docklands, carried on the shoulders of burly armored retainers. The bearers shoved and shouted their way through the slum and onto the new path connecting the outskirts of Centre Port and the suddenly flourishing hamlet of furry folks. A swarm of well dressed people followed the three land barges, chattering in self important tones as they crossed onto the tidy road to Westfall. The sharp cry of the comfortable, when outraged was distinctive. Shrill bleating words battered at Becky¡¯s ears from the edge of town, where the elders of Westfall town were confronting the merchant league of Centre Port in a classic standoff. A richly dressed woman sat atop one of the platforms, speaking sharply to old Brock, the scarred and irascible badger man who served as the village head. ¡°...No license from the bakers guild, nor any permits from the city council, or craft association for any of these activities! This bakery and craft hall must be dismantled immediately!¡± She shouted at the gathered townsfolk. Her mob of hangers on and the armored palanquin bearers formed up to block the road in an unsubtle threat. ¡°No.¡± Brock said firmly. He crossed his short, furry arms over his burly chest and chittered at them in annoyance. ¡°Westfall needs no permission from Centre Port.¡± With the road blocked, the majority of the human visitors to ¡®Beast Town¡¯ did their best to withdraw to the outskirts of the burgeoning conflict and pretend they were not there at all. Becky also withdrew from the scene when things got interesting; she and sir Kermal were enjoying the view from the fo¡¯c''sle of their unnamed warship, with Moonrise bobbing at anchor below them. Esperanza had sailed at dawn, heading for her next port of call; which no doubt explained the timing of the Trade Association¡¯s visit. Few merchants had the stones to challenge an actual merchant captain of Esperanza¡¯s reputation and reach. Bernadette Kerrik displayed her courage in other ways, like shouting at aged and impoverished badger men while comfortably surrounded by her hired bully boys. ¡°I had a nice chat with Filly and Alby last night¡­¡± Sir Kermal remarked over a dense, local bread roll slathered in goat cheese. ¡°They agreed with your suggestion and will remain hands off unless someone gets violent¡­¡± He smiled a little cruelly, before he continued. ¡°Steps have already been taken to make certain that things won¡¯t get out of hand.¡± # ¡°By order of the united craft halls and guilds of Centre Port, you must dismantle those structures and cease operations immediately!¡± Bernadette shouted again, waving her jewel bedecked fingers in irritation. She paused, when a commotion started at the back of her crowd of merchants and goons. A column of old timers came marching two abreast, down the newly made road from the human slum, two abreast and five men deep. The precision of their steps and erect carriage gave them a martial air, despite their motley, common gab and complete lack of weapons or armor. Ten haggard looking, crotchety old farts made their way through her back line of well dressed flunkies; by the simple advent of shoving the merchants aside. Squeals of discontent and complaint ended swiftly and definitively as they marched along; often with the meaty thud of fists meeting flesh, or the splash of a well heeled person hitting the water or mudflats on either side of the road¡­ A richly robed man raised a jeweled walking stick threateningly, when jostled aside near the head of the crowd. ¡°Ruffian! Do you know who I am, who my father is?¡± He shrieked. A wizened old hand with knuckles that stood out like a glove filled with gravel, reached out and rapped him in the nose, before his lineage could be determined, sending him into the shallow water as a spray of crimson blood fountained from his nose. In a trice, ten cranky, craggy old geezers were eyeballing the well heeled elite of the city and scowling ferociously. ¡°Brock¡­ We need two dozen loaves for the Fishermans¡¯ Daughters¡¯ lodge¡­¡± The oldest man rubbed his tummy thoughtfully for a moment. ¡°Make it three dozen, every morning. Standing order from the baroness.¡± He grinned at the gathered merchants and guild representatives, pointedly ignoring their hired goons. ¡°We¡¯ll come get them every morning at first bell.¡± The hirelings for their part, had done a very fine job of fading into the crowd and making any obvious weapons vanish from sight. They spent a lot of their collective effort on avoiding eye contact with the old warriors lined up between the two groups. An uninformed observer might be forgiven for assuming that the old men were debt collectors facing a crowd of deadbeats on payday. ¡°The Daughter¡¯s lodge has a long standing contract with my guild¡­¡± Master baker Willard Franc huffed in outrage from his elevated platform, seething with fury at the public slight. ¡°The baroness will hear of this!¡± He hissed. ¡°I care nothing for your paltry trade, but it¡¯s the principle of the thing!¡± Makkie Killdrake smiled his gap toothed grin at the plump baker and spat into the mudflats. ¡°Ye have been sending us day old bread for months now; no doubt thinkin¡¯ we wouldn¡¯t know, or that we wouldn¡¯t dare raise the matter.¡± ¡°A shameful and outrageous lie! This too will be brought before her ladyship! Now stand aside from your betters!¡± Willard shouted at the codger. He scratched his stubbly, wrinkled chin and spat again. ¡°We cut our teeth fightin¡¯ pirates, slavers an sea monsters, ye tubby spratling! Think ye a retired warrior will back down from yer doughy arse?¡± Ten weathered old men chuckled and grinned at the collected merchants, who had only just begun to realize that the crowd had thinned dramatically on their side¡­ Their shop guards and hired toughs had melted into the crowd of onlookers, mingling with curious townies and agitated human slum dwellers. Only the armored house retainers remained, nervously not fingering the cudgels at their belts. Tension buzzed in the air between the three groups: Merchant lordlings, beastfolk elders and retired guardsmen between them, in a three way tangle. Three mounted and armored knights, in the distinctive panoply of the baroness guards rattled up; with a tall, sandy blonde woman in fine, if common garb riding a cute palfrey mare in the midst of their formation. ¡°What, pray tell, will be brought to my attention¡­ Lord Willard?¡± Baroness Phylicia ¡®Filly¡¯ Dunham asked coldly. ¡°If it¡¯s the matter of bread for the Daughters¡¯ lodge, master Killdrake has my full confidence.¡± Most of the ¡®upstanding citizens¡¯ who had been manhandled or pitched in the mud in the old men¡¯s approach, suddenly lost their eagerness for reprisals and did their best to slip away, without drawing attention. ¡°If that is settled, perhaps you should clear the road¡­ I have business at the trading post.¡± She sniffed unhappily. ¡°Perhaps I should contract with Westfall for road maintenance, going forward¡­ Why are my streets so muddy and foul?¡± She asked as she rode past the Trade Association leadership. The baroness tossed a beaming smile at anyone she could manage to lock eyes with in the crowd of well monied, richly robed pricks. She petted the graceful neck of her palfrey mare as she rode past the trio of platform riding merchant nobles. ¡°We fancy ourselves imperial potentates now?¡± She sniffed with a bit of disdain while eying the richly cushioned palanquins and their muscular bearers. ¡°I¡¯ll be having a look at your tax ledgers when I¡¯m done here, lady Bernadette¡­ Did you know that the civic guard has been charging a fee for entry to my town?¡± She murmured sweetly to the chairwoman, who suddenly seemed quite unwell and pale. # ¡°... so what will become of the temple of Craft in the trade quarter?¡± Baroness Filly murmured in alarm, adding in a belated: ¡°Honored cleric.¡± ¡°The craft halls attached to the temple and the trades will continue as they always have.¡± Becky answered firmly. ¡°I¡¯m not here to overturn your apple cart¡­ Though there are some wormy fruits that should be discarded, if your ladyship will forgive my frankness.¡± She smiled warmly, with her hood thrown back, in the lounge on Moonrise. ¡°If I may be frank, your young people have been a proper nuisance since they arrived. My poor officers have been deluged with complaints for a few days now.¡± Something in her slight smirk suggested that she was not entirely displeased by the way her domain had been jostled by the antics of Team Raggamuffin. Becky smiled at the baroness, with real warmth in her eyes. ¡°If any of your locals want to press the issue or make additional complaints, my door is always open. Please invite them to visit me at their leisure.¡± Something in her voice hinted that such complaints would be largely ignored¡­ at best. ¡°There was a matter with some local goodwives and a smith¡­¡± She shook her head sadly and sighed. ¡°He¡¯s been fussing and throwing tantrums regularly for a week now. If half of what I¡¯ve heard about your Ward clan is true¡­¡± ¡°If that fellow is still able to make complaints, he got off very, very lightly. The last person to lay hands on Amy regretted it deeply, at the end. None could save him.¡± Becky answered ominously. ¡°Disregarding those silly rumors about slaver lords being cursed to dwell in chamber pots, of course.¡± # Ch: 14 Hole Lotta Love Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 14 Hole Lotta Love Tallum, Leafchaser and Jeskin watched with concern on their faces as the team slowly descended into the dark fissure, after lunch and a nap. ¡°It won¡¯t matter if it¡¯s day or night down there¡­¡± Amy answered with a shrug, when Leafy expressed concern at the idea of devling in the evening. ¡°If this runs long, Tallum will bring you back to town.¡± She kissed the catgirl on the cheek, giggled sweetly and dashed off to join her crew of insane monster hunters. Amy, Wilf and Rio took the lead, with Frankie and Maya in the center of their column. Benny and Luna brought up the rear, as they made their slow, careful way through the convoluted nest of caves under the surface of the volcano¡¯s cone. Everything was jagged, sharp, abrasive or slippery¡­ everything. One long, steeply slanted fissure in the rock sported a floor of smooth obsidian, dark and almost frictionless. Amy had placed one incautious foot on the ice slick surface and nearly taken a ride into the depths of the mountain, a ride that most likely would have ended in a forest of sharp obsidian fragments or some other unpleasantness, far, far below. Only Rio and Wilf¡¯s foresight, in tying the team together with a length of stout spidersilk rope, had saved her from embarrassment at minimum. Townies never understood why the orphans practiced the arts of free climbing, parkour and acrobatics so diligently¡­ but townies never saw them at work. Monsters and dangerous beasts were rarely found in open plains or on paved thoroughfares; instead, dense forests, sucking bogs and caves were the rule. Rio leapt up on to a high, natural table of coarse tufa stone, the bubbly, foamy lava stone that comprised most of the island. From that platform, he clambered up onto a protrusion higher up on the rough wall of the cavern and wedged a steel device into a fissure. In a trice, he had ropes run through the first anchor point and another for safety, planted nearby. Amy took the lead at his call, swinging across the deep chasm splitting the chamber. A moment later, Wilf and Ivy landed on the other side. They swiftly assembled a few lines, to allow the less agile members of the party to traverse the rift safely. Benny shuddered and sweated the whole ten yards across, landing on the other side, pale and shaken by the experience. ¡°Sorry, Ben... This is turning into more of a delve than we¡¯d hoped.¡± Amy sighed softly, when they had camp assembled on the cavern floor. She passed him a mug of tea and a sandwich, served with a side of hug, around his massive arm. ¡°Rio and Maya are out with Ivy, scouting for whatever it is.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me, Amy.¡± He mumbled, his voice pitched to carry only within the camp. ¡°I¡¯ll let Becky know we will be a little late coming home.¡± In the middle of the warm, fetid cavern, he produced a lap desk and a few sheets of waxed parchment. He wrote a brief message on a single sheet, which he swiftly began folding and creasing with his enormous, yet nimble fingers. With a few confident movements, the message became a small origami bird of ivory colored paper. He held the tiny thing on his calloused, wide palm and whispered something softly. The big man pricked his inner arm with a small, steel nibbed pen and wrote a single character in his own blood on the small object. With a soft rustle, it stirred, stretched and flew off his palm, darting into the cave system on its mission. ¡°Don¡¯t be too impressed.¡± He murmured, when he saw the way Amy was smiling at him. ¡°Becky and Ivy wrote the spells and enchantments on the parchments; anyone can use them, if they learn the activation spell.¡± # Filly and Becky were strolling through the busy trading post, when a tiny white bird landed on the young priestess¡¯ shoulder. ¡°Excuse me, lady Dunham, I have a team in the field. This could be important¡­¡± The confident, erudite girl in robes embellished in a complex springtime forest scene took only a moment to unfold and read her magical messenger bird; the message drew a slight frown to her dusky lips. ¡°My young comrades have gone into a cave system, hunting an unknown monster.¡± She spoke quietly, with only a little dissatisfaction showing through. ¡°If we are called away inland, we will do our best to make certain that we don¡¯t leave you a mess, lady Dunham.¡± ¡°This festering problem is mine to deal with, honored cleric. Your light touch in this has been noted and appreciated¡­¡± She murmured happily, with her teacup failing to hide a smile on her lips. ¡°I was almost to the point of considering a brute force solution¡­ Sanction of the merchant lords, price controls and even martial law if need be.¡± ¡°Well, baroness¡­ secular matters should be heading in the right direction.¡± Becky sighed happily. ¡°Now, I get to go to the temple of Crafts and raise all kinds of trouble.¡± The diminutive, beautiful young priestess rose gracefully and tucked her arm through sir Kermal¡¯s waiting elbow. ¡°That¡¯s the part I live for¡­¡± The dark skinned young knight wore his formal armor, emblazoned with his awards from the duke¡¯s Belen and Rummel as well as the duchess of Lemur. The shining golden medals on his breast were surrounded by a flock of lesser houses¡¯ citations. ¡°It¡¯s an eyesore, but it impresses the rubes¡­¡± He answered his wife¡¯s silent complaint. ¡°In this, I become a figure of influence and authority; in my regular armor, they¡¯ll underestimate me and provoke you¡­ And then we¡¯ll have Jasper Hills, all over again.¡± ¡°You said you wouldn''t bring that up again!¡± She whined, while leaning against his captured arm and rubbing herself against him. ¡°You said I wouldn¡¯t¡­ not me. If you want to stop being reminded of your mistakes, stop setting yourself up to revisit them.¡± Kermal sighed softly, his will weakened by the warmth spreading over his arm. The young couple chatted and flirted through the town, strolling the early evening streets and enjoying the bustle and hum. The tension hiding beneath the market ward¡¯s thin veneer of placid civility was almost palpable. Hostile eyes followed them from shopfronts, as prosperous people scurried to the other side of the street to avoid the strolling pair. ¡°Right now, they are angry and offended¡­¡± Becky whispered quietly as they walked in a pool of near silence, through the busy town. ¡°Soon, it will be a properly fermented outrage!¡± Her sexy little giggle at the end sent a shiver down Kermal¡¯s spine. ¡°You¡¯re terrifyingly spooky, when you¡¯re cute¡­¡± He whispered into her cowl of creeping shadow tentacles. ¡°You mean I¡¯m cute when I¡¯m spooky, don¡¯t you, sir Knight?¡± She asked archly. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Nope, I''ll stand by it.¡± He winked as they entered the Craft temple park, a smaller version of the main temple district that was surrounded by banking houses, merchant halls and other financial institutions. Together, they strolled up to the intricate, elaborate, over decorated architectural eyesore and stepped into the sacred hall. A young acolyte in the brown and white formal robes of a mainline Craft priest stepped up to halt their progress. ¡°This is a sacred space¡­ the uninitiated must beg the boon of visitation, from head priest Vikkers, in order to tour the temple.¡± ¡°And if I have been initiated?¡± The robed girl asked sweetly from deep within her hood of crawling, lurking shadows. ¡°I am Becky Ward, First Reader of Marduk, god of Knowledge and mortal Arts and Crafts¡­ since poor Craft¡¯s sad misadventure.¡± The acolyte paled, gasped and scrambled away down the shiny, marble halls, rapidly vanishing into the temple¡¯s maze like interior. Statues in heroic and glorious poses were scattered everywhere; most appeared to be monuments to local notables and wealthy merchant lords, dressed in stone robes of conservative and antique cut. There were men and women depicted old or young, but always perfectly proportioned, beautiful and idealized. The only common factors were general opulence, a plaque, usually of gilt bronze singing some notable family¡¯s praises, and most importantly¡­ At each and every belt or sash, dangled a fat, bulging coin purse. Often , the artist had chiseled in bulging seams, bursting stitches, or the faces of familiar coins, pressed so firmly against the imagined sack, that the image could be seen. It was pretty impressive, as a display of craft, even if it was in pretty bad taste. Most of the figures wore real robes and sparkling jewels, draped and pinned over the stone monuments to their elders; that they might remain in fashion. All of it was artfully arranged and folded to be certain that the essential, stone carved coin pouch was exposed to public view. The statuary people were draped and dressed in so much costly stuff, that the display of opulence swiftly soured into gaudy, over exuberant foolishness. The young couple strolled the nave of the temple, eyeing the sculptures, frescoes, paintings and woodwork with smug satisfaction. ¡°Becky¡­¡± Kermal warned. ¡°I know you and Otho, beloved of Joy, have spent a lot of time together¡­ If you have these sculptures ¡®nudified¡¯ or something¡­¡± He began, with a slight, nervous quaver in his voice. ¡°Kermie, husband¡­ would I do something so crass?¡± She asked sweetly. ¡°I¡¯m going to have them all moved out into the temple garden. Art is meant to be enjoyed by all, not closeted away in some dismal, chilly cavern.¡± Her voice was quite a bit louder that was strictly needful, so Kermal turned around with a sigh, to see who she was really speaking to. ¡°... We¡¯ll bust out those walls, put in some stained glass windows here, there and there¡­ The frescoes have got to go, I¡¯ll work on that with Dannyl¡­ Oh, hello, honored clerics.¡± Becky paused her architectural discourse, just long enough to acknowledge the cluster of richly robed men and women scurrying their way, across the otherwise silent temple. ¡°This temple is closed to foreign cultists and the uninitiated.¡± The tallest and eldest robed figure barked loudly, once they were in looming and bullying range. ¡°A sorry state of affairs, that. Never you mind, we¡¯ll be rectifying that soon.¡± Becky chirped happily, while explaining her planned renovations, to the man in the armor of a ducal champion. He was smaller than most knights and slightly built, he wore a simple wooden and bronze hilted shortsword at his hip, in the strange, anthropomorphic style of the northern hill tribes. The pommel of his weapon was fashioned as a simple human head, stylized and cast in bronze; while the wooden grip was carved and ridged, giving the impression of a man¡¯s torso, with his arms wrapped around himself. Two bronze quillons jutted out, styled as humanoid legs, with rudimentary ¡®feet¡¯ at the terminals. The blade and quillons rested in a scabbard of wood, covered with a pale indigo fabric, stitched with tiny pockets and a small, rectangular, red label bearing a cryptic word in a foreign alphabet ¡®LEVI¡¯S¡¯ it read, to the initiated. That suggested that the blade, mercifully concealed within its scabbard, was the erect male organ of the construct. The strange sword gave the appearance of a nude man, plunging, member first into a strange pair of pants. Bizarre, phallic sword aside, the man¡¯s formal armor of Order bore the official ducal badges of three duchies and a distressing number of counts and barons. Including the knotted golden fishnet braid of their own liege. This man, standing beside the cryptic, robed figure, idly discussing plans to turn the temple of Craft into a ¡®public library¡¯, filled the head priest with a sour, wrenching dread in his guts. ¡°As you have been repeatedly warned, Craft is dead. The god Craft has fallen, Marduk, the light of man¡¯s Knowledge holds sway in this temple.¡± Her light, sweet sounding voice sliced the clerics to the bone. ¡°I am Becky, First Reader of the god Knowledge¡­ I¡¯m your pontiff, my children.¡± She let them sputter and gabble on for a while, they even sent runners to the temple of Order, for a squad of justiciar knights to come roust them. Things were said, threats were uttered and dire proclamations shouted¡­ There was even a full blown ritual to excommunicate her from the cult of Crafts. The attempt failed utterly, when the deity failed to respond¡­ as everyone present fully expected. ¡°Calling on a dead god requires a very special skill set and a relationship with the fundamental powers of the universe.¡± Becky murmured happily, while she watched them perform the empty rite, from a folding chair, while nibbling on a spicy black pepper, goat cheese, watercress and cucumber sandwich. ¡°A family friend makes the cheese, delightful isn¡¯t it?¡± She asked sir Dunham, senior member of the trio of knights sent down from the temple. ¡°Delightful.¡± He sighed into his teacup, his bottom settled into a comfy chair, inside a circle of cordage, lifted on elaborately carved wooden stanchions. ¡°How does this velvet rope keep them at bay and muffle the noise? I Must know!¡± ¡°It¡¯s a magical tool, designed to infuriate and annoy those outside the circle.¡± She smiled benignly at the cluster of well dressed clerics and Trade Association members, surrounding their pleasant little sitting room in the temple hall. ¡°The more comfy we make ourselves, the less they are able to restrain themselves. My brother discovered this art¡­ it is a potent form of witchcraft.¡± She answered calmly, while Kermal pulled a tray of cookies from the portable oven. The Fortress Of Soulitude, enchanted tool, barrier construct. Etheric and spiritual enchantments. Rarity, unique, prototype, experimental. Rank, unranked. Effect: Spiritual Rampart; when installed around a source of etheric magic, this construct will extend the user¡¯s Animus to the perimeter of the construct. Hostile or neutral entities will be psychologically unable to enter, without explicit permission of the user. Truly violent or aggressive intent will allow aggressors to penetrate this barrier. Non sentient beings will ignore all effects, animals of low intelligence will be highly resistant to all effects. Effect: Good Fences, Good Neighbors; hostile or aggressive vocalizations and displays from outside the barrier will be muted and muffled, allowing user to tune out the noise. Effect: Backatcha; any entity attempting to penetrate the barrier will be discouraged with illusion and misdirection, until the threshold of violent attack is reached. An alarm will sound when the barrier is breached. Effect: A Distinct Lack Of Spoons; Barrier construct will appear to be immovable and indestructible to all beings outside the perimeter. Actively hostile intent will negate this glamor and illusion effect. Meanwhile, outside the velvet rope: ¡°Blasphemy!¡± Old man Vikkers shouted at the pair of armored knights, wearing justiciar¡¯s armor with the sacred balanced scales of Order, emblazoned in gold on their breastplates. ¡°Your duty is to hurl these fools into the deepest cells on the island, until the ecumenical court is ready to pass sentence!¡± ¡°The baroness instructed us that such was explicitly not our duty, master Vikkers¡­ we were instructed to follow high priestess Becky¡¯s commands, without hesitation.¡± The shorter of the two answered blandly. The two knights unhooked the rope and stepped into the magic circle, accompanied by two brief bursts of shrill, outraged shouting from outside, as their auras interrupted the magical ward. Blessed quiet descended a moment later, as they settled in with the others for tea and cookies. ¡°Did that go as well as it seemed?¡± Sir Dunham asked with a smug smile on his lips, as well as some cookie crumbs and a smear of chocolate. ¡°Age should be accompanied by wisdom, or at least, discretion¡­¡± Mazatlal sighed, his dark straight black hair, swarthy features and long aquiline nose placed him as one of the southern folk, as did his badge of Quetzalcoatl''s cult on his collar. ¡°These have been trying times, brother. I still struggle with the changes, myself.¡± The taller knight, sir Harper, grumbled quietly. ¡°How long do you think they can keep up that level of energy?¡± He asked his comrade, while looking out on the temple hall and its crowd of agitated people. ¡°Without tea and cookies, maybe an hour¡­ or two. If my brother and his wife were here, we¡¯d already be re-baptising half of them, while the other half would be questioning their sanity.¡± ¡°I simply must meet this fellow some day.¡± Sir Dunham murmured happily. # ¡°Never you fear¡­ little sister.¡± Ward whispered from a nearby shadow, in a pitch normal humans would be unable to hear. ¡°I¡¯ll send Dannyl to them, he¡¯s relatively near anyway.¡± They were walking back to the trading post in the late evening, under the light of the moons. The fog was thin and wispy for a change, illuminating plenty of small life scurrying and flying all around. That drama, played out above and around them; even in the middle of a bustling city, filled with people living, being born and of naturally, dying. That energy allowed him to slip out of the shadows and join them on silent feet of illusion and moonlight, skipping across the damp cobblestones beside his beloved niece and her husband. ¡°I¡¯m a little worried, I know that they¡¯re in good hands with Ivy¡­ and Amy, Rio and Wilf can handle themselves¡­¡± Becky whispered. ¡°There aren¡¯t any sentients in that cave, aside from them. None of them are in my cult and there aren¡¯t any of my trees nearby¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°I have less power here than you. If I fly down there, I¡¯m just a ghostly distraction, unable to see any farther than they can and incapable of manifesting.¡± He smiled, shedding a pale glow all his own on the scene. ¡°Dannyl can get there by midday and join them. You know how he is when it comes to mystery monsters.¡± # Ch: 15 Crystal Blue Persuasion Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 15 Crystal Blue Persuasion Dawn was clear, cold, clammy and early, high up on the windward side of the island. Leafchaser and Jeskin woke, curled together in the astonishingly comfy bedding their mad new friends had gifted them, as a betrothal gift. She stretched languidly beside her border collie beau and nipped his ear gently, when her movements, combined with the scents of bacon and coffee still failed to wake him. ¡°Lazy pooch, bestir yourself; breakfast is the offing!¡± He grumbled and let out a half hearted growl of mild discontent, when she flipped the blankets, letting in a chilly draft. ¡°Leafy¡­ I don¡¯ wanna get up¡­¡± He used his puppy dog eyes on her, it was super effective, as always. She swatted him across the nose a few times, faster than human eyes could follow, no claws, just a reminder that she was not his pet. ¡°Indolent whelp!¡± She murred in his ear, before slipping out of their tent with sinuous grace. When she returned, two steaming mugs in her hands, her boy was sprawled out atop the bedding in what he imagined was his sexiest pose. Both arms behind his head and his legs flung out to their utter limits. Only his bushy, flag of a tail covered the good bits, the stress of not wagging it and ruining the pose was evident on his face, the silly mutt. ¡°So, hotstuff, what happens if I trip over your big old foot and spill this hotstuff all over your hotstuff?¡± She purred in delight, while hovering over his delicates. ¡°All right you two¡­¡± Tallum grumbled quietly. ¡°We have company. He gestured over his massive shoulder, bringing their attention to a much smaller, but still very large man with brown hair and eyes, standing behind him, over at the camp stove. ¡°We met a few nights ago, briefly; I¡¯m Ward, the kids¡¯ uncle.¡± He smiled a grin so bright and weird, that they didn¡¯t need to ask which kids he was uncling. ¡°I won¡¯t be hanging around long, gotta fly away before long.¡± ¡°Are you also a trader?¡± Jeskin asked, while struggling into his kilt. ¡°I¡¯m a¡­ cleric¡­ as it were.¡± He murmured happily into his mug, while watching the two locals stretch and greet the morning together. The giant smith giggled at that pronouncement, for some reason. ¡°Cleric¡­ good one Ward.¡± ¡°Hmph¡­ I am a shepherd onto my flock, Tallum.¡± He sniffed with self satisfied and deeply hilarious dignity. Hilarious, because while he was huffing and puffing over his supposed dignity, he was donning a ridiculous leather cape fashioned to resemble bat wings. ¡°Dannyl will be here shortly, he was near the rim, high above us, on the leeward side. Toodles, kids.¡± The odd fellow gave them a smile and a wiggle-fingered wave bye-bye that was deeply unserious, before he leapt off the escarpment they were encamped on, plunging head first toward the jungle, a two miles of very steep and jagged trail down the mountain. Tallum¡¯s massive hands clamped down on the horrified pair of local beastkin, holding them in place, as the man spread his bizarre cape and¡­ ¡°Tallum, is that man really a cleric?¡± Leafy asked softly, as the dark figure slowly spiraled into the sky, riding an updraft from the mountainside, so far below. ¡°No, he¡¯s a huge asshole¡­ But he¡¯s kin.¡± The giant grumbled. # Maya shook Amy and Rio awake, and got Benny moving with a soft call. Wilf was already making breakfast on the camp stove, while trying to satisfy Ivy¡¯s anguished pleas for coffee. ¡°Just a few more minutes¡­ please, I can¡¯t make it happen any faster!¡± ¡°Then you should have started earlier!¡± She sniffed and scolded the poor lad. Thus did most mornings start in the Ragamuffins¡¯ encampment; Ivy always woke with immediate demands for coffee and wouldn¡¯t relent until a steaming mug was in her hands. The wry grin and twinkle in her eyes told the kids she was taking the proverbial piss, razzing them in the same way she constantly abused her good natured and placid husband. Tallum¡¯s usual answer to her demands involved a lot of kissing, so Wilf concentrated on getting the coffee ready. Their small encampment took up a lava chamber just off the main passageway, deeper into the mountain. A strand of braided silk rope encircled them, strung on a ring of elaborately decorated wooden stanchions. The thick, woven strand of monster silk was decorated with bells, packets containing mystic sutras and glyphs inscribed in rare inks and sealed with wax gleaned from exotic magical bee hives and intricately carved monster bone charms. Crawling, scuttling and flying life surrounded the little group of adventurers, going about their mindless business. The profusion of insects and less readily identifiable creatures ignored the little group entirely, as if they could not even perceive the camp. Lanterns on the poles carrying the rope illuminated the area; not brightly, perhaps as much light as both full moons gave off on a clear night. To many of the cave dwellers, it was a potent draw. The island¡¯s giant skeeters found their way into the depths regularly, a few of the odd, moth winged horrors flitted about, circling the vermin wards, drawn by the light and breath of warm blooded mammals. The nasty shits were swiftly devoured by the local bats, batspiders, geckos, batgeckos and other, less pleasant things. A Giant preying mantis snatched one out of the sir and devoured it, while perched atop one of the lanterns. Several sets of dusty moth wings littered the ground below her perch, along with an assortment of other chitinous remnants of her ongoing feast. ¡°Cave mantis¡­¡± Rio whispered softly. ¡°Keep an eye out for an egg case, I¡¯d like to collect some for the caves back home.¡± With great care, he lifted the wicker and paper globe lantern from its place on the fence post and set it on a nearby stone outcropping. ¡°I¡¯m gonna let her keep this lamp till we come back through.¡± He walked slowly, carrying it gingerly, with the insect still clinging onto the magical lamp. ¡°You just keep eating those nasty skeeters!¡± The tall young man smiled and cooed at the two foot long, bright blue and green, ravenous insect predator; even as it scuttled nervously on its perch, while being set gently on her new roost. While the kids disassembled their camp, Ivy nursed her coffee and chatted amicably with herself, sitting on a nearby boulder of congealed lava. ¡°Dannyl? We¡¯ll be glad to have him along, but this has been pretty straightforward so far. We found cave crawler signs, that¡¯s what stirred up the batspiders.¡± She paused and listened for a moment, before smiling to herself and nodding. ¡°We should be able to draw it out and smush it before noon. Tell Dan that he¡¯d better hurry, if he wants a piece of the action¡­ I think Maya just found its trail.¡± # Dannyl slipped through the dark tunnels, unseen by most of its denizens; mostly, the few who noticed him did their best to slip back into a crevice or hidey hole, until he passed. There were always a few idiots willing to try their luck against a single human in the caverns alone, in the dark. That he didn¡¯t fumble and grope his way in a desperate panic should have been a clue that he was not easy prey; as should the fact that he leapt from one outcropping to another, as if dancing to wild and chaotic music only he could hear. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. He shook the wreckage and gore of a giant cave scorpion off his hatchet with a grimace of distaste, before tucking the five foot long, shiny black corpse away in some unseen storage space. ¡°Kids are probably feeling snacky¡­¡± He murmured softly to himself, as he set off in pursuit of the wily teens. The trail they left through the caverns was easy to follow, with markings in luminous paint and spelunking gear still strung over chasms and rifts along the way. Every intersection and turning had obvious and hidden signs left behind to direct a lost member. Lines drawn in chalk, splashes of bright paint, or lengths of colorful cordage indicated the path for the uninitiated. Tucked in alcoves and behind outcroppings, tiny glyphs and sigils that gleamed softly under a whispered spell were left, in case of mischief with the visible markings. He smiled and nodded with approval as he whisked through the darkness, using occult senses most men would not have access to. # Amy dodged back, avoiding the monstrosity¡¯s clumsy attack with ease¡­ until that slow, lumbering appendage she had ducked under so carelessly smashed into the cavern wall¡­ and carved out a massive wedge of tough, abrasive stone. Shards of jagged rock blasted its comrades behind it; tall pillars of crystal shards, conjoined and melded to create six huge almost humanoid constructs that glimmered and shone in the Adventurer¡¯s lantern lights. A loud, sharp high C shivered out into the cavern, emanating from the arm the monster had gouged the wall with, it rang like a struck bell, even as it lurched forward in another ungainly attack. Amy called out over the high, bell-like ringing of the creature: ¡°Wilf, gear change! Maya, Rio, get ready, we need the Klaus Nomi formation!¡± She fell back, as Frankie and Benny rushed forward. Frankie¡¯s mace and shield and Benny¡¯s heavy maul rang off the being¡¯s crude, inflexible legs, setting up a distracting and unpleasant disharmony, as its right arm analog kept ringing out. Left leg was a D natural, while the right leg was F sharp, descending. Both boys leapt and dodged around it, striking where they could and only managing to chip the tough, radiant monstrosity. ¡°Hurry up¡­ they¡¯re getting faster!¡± Frankie shouted, as a jagged crystal fist whipped by his nose with an inch to spare. His words were lost in a sweet, whistling sound as Maya, Wilf and Rio rejoined the battle. The two boys joined Frankie and Benny in tangling up the things; Wilf with his huge, asymmetrical warhammer, Rio with a steel headed mallet and a shield of odd design. The Bloody Drum, Spiritual and Etheric enchantments. Unranked, unique shield. Drum class armor and percussion instrument. When wielded by or near a source of etheric magic, bard may Entrain* other beings. Friendly or allied forces beings or entities may choose to resist. Resistant creatures, hostile beings or entities and neutral forces¡¯ resistance will be based on opposed Will, Animus, Mind, Resilience, rank and skill level of the bard. Effect: Party Rock Anthem; individuals afflicted/affected by this boon/curse find the musician compelling, charismatic and will enjoy bonuses to cooperative activities. Bonuses to instruction, recall, Agility, Stamina, Will, Animus, Might and proprioception. Afflicted/affected entities gain: Recover Mana over time, Recover Stamina over time, Recover Health over time, for the duration of the uninterrupted performance. Effect: Dancing Fool; individuals afflicted by this curse find the musician distressing, terrifying, or annoying and will suffer penalties to cooperative activities. Penalties to instruction, recall, Agility, Stamina, Will, Animus, Might and proprioception. Afflicted also suffer: Drain Mana over time, Drain Stamina over time, Drain Health over time, for the duration of the uninterrupted performance. *Entrainment: One of the principle laws of magic; forces which operate in Harmony, function with far greater efficiency and Synchrony. Disharmony and Arhythm create potential failure points and increase all energy and material costs. Rio¡¯s mallet spent almost as much time whacking the inside of his shield as it did cracking the arms and legs of the terrible construct creatures; he raised a slow, steady beat as he worked his foe around in circles. Wilf dipped in, just on time with his big warhammer and sheared off the lead entity¡¯s right leg at the hip with a deep, resonant chime, like the gong of a temple, lost in the depths of the earth. The lead monster slowly toppled to the cavern floor, still trying to swat, or at least land atop its fast moving foes. As it hit the stone floor, it shattered into a forest of sharp crystal shards, each of which began scuttling back whence it came, somehow vibrating in a manner that caused the mass of broken pieces to shift and slide back down the passage, behind its slowly advancing comrades. ¡°We need to get it going, Amy¡­ That thing is putting itself back together!¡± Frankie shouted, as he smashed the fingers off of a crude, reaching crystal claw, with the unpleasant sound of crystal windchimes left out in a gale. The shattered being stumbled back into the fray, now comprised of a mad collection of jagged crystal shards, pointing off in every direction. As it walked, its feet set off horrid screeching sounds, the pointy fragments grated and scraped against the stone with every unsteady footfall of the enormous entity. ¡°Ready, Maya?¡± Amy asked softly, as her small, slim, dark haired comrade warmed up and stretched. She nodded silently, before the tiny girl took a running leap and began capering among the foes, wielding a long black staff with gusto. As she spun, parried and struck; a doleful, low sound began, breathy and soft. Holes up and down the length of her seven foot iron staff began to whistle and moan, drowning out the noise and clatter of battle all around. The Monkey Princess¡¯ Flute, Spiritual and Etheric enchantments. Unranked, unique magical staff, musical instrument, weapon. When wielded by or near a source of etheric magic, bard may Entrain* other beings. Friendly or allied forces beings or entities may choose to resist: Resistant, hostile or neutral forces, beings or entities¡¯ resistance based on opposed Will, Animus, Mind, Resilience, rank and skill level of the bard. Like her comrade¡¯s shield, her flute played games, either cruel or kind, with her allies or foes. The strange music of her weapon settled in behind the obvious song her comrades sang and played, manipulating the foes all over the battlefield on a deep and primitive level, making their actions and reactions more predictable, less accurate and much less effective. Rio¡¯s drum was drawing her party into step, letting them switch foes, trade guardian or attacker roles seamlessly and boosted the whole team¡¯s recovery and efficiency, drawing them into a seamless, elegant dance of mayhem and violence. Wilf shattered one with a mighty blow of his hammer, right to the torso, only to have it scurry off and return a few short moments later, ready for more. Even shattering them into smaller fragments didn¡¯t help, as they returned even pointier and pokier. What did help, was the music¡­ Maya was a dire and chilly, whispering wind¡­ compared to Rio¡¯s thudding, energetic heartbeat. Her staff clacked, chimed, whistled and moaned against, across and around the enemy, drawing their mindless aggression to her. She spun and danced among them constantly, entangling the lumbering forms with each other, making the fast moving, slippery girl the belle of the ball. With slow and steady insistence, the kids began rapping, tapping and ringing their enemies with their weapons, making the strange crystal forms a part of their very special performance. After ten long, exhausting minutes¡­ that felt more like eight hours, all six of the massive beings were standing stock still in the center of the chamber, vibrating in several incompatible frequencies at once. Each disparate crystalline structure that made up the creatures sang a different part of the impossibly complex harmony the kids had induced with magic, skill and brute force. Sparks of actinic white and startling, vibrant flashes of color washed over the things as the musicians kept them trapped in a cycle of endless key changes and jazz rock nonsense. ¡°Ok gang, let¡¯s close this show on a big number!¡± The band withdrew, pulling back from their foes, as Amy stood before them, her guitar slung low wailing her strange music into the cavern of sparkling lights and flashing rainbows. At her throat she had tied a black silk band, embroidered with silver threads in a mind bending pattern. It began to glow softly, ominous even through the light display the golem beings were putting on. Rather than illuminating the area around her, the accessory seemed to draw light to itself, casting radiance on her, from an undefinable source beyond mortal ken. The smiling bright eyed girl opened her perfect pink lips and let out a call that was rich, warm and vibrant, drawing the attention of all of those present, even the apparently mindless constructs. Their lumpy crystal ¡®heads¡¯ turned to focus on her as she began to sing. Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, You''re old enough to learn the makings of a man¡­ Listen to me, baby, it''s time to settle down, Am I asking too much for you to stick around? With little sign of what was happening, the crystal creatures began to sway along with her voice, as her crisply punctuated, almost cajoling, nonsense words spilled over them. She carried on for a few more stanzas, until the chorus came around, with ear shattering violence. Light-ning''s strik-ing aga-ain! Again, again, again¡­ Light-ning''s strik-ing aga-ain! Again, again, again¡­ With a soft *Clink* first one, then another of the towering constructs fell inert and crumbled to a heap of crystal shards. # Dannyl heard the music, shatteringly loud and jarring after so long, running through the silent caves. The small life all around vanished as he got closer, nothing with any kind of sense would approach that chaotic wailing dirge. He slashed a dire fly maggot in half with his hatchet as he leapt over the corpse of something wet and slimy¡­ an acidic cave ooze most likely, since it had been sprinkled with a caustic mixture of salt, lye and wine barrel scrapings. Yet another of his mad brother¡¯s concoctions, formulated to combat noxious and slimy foes. The chalky white pellets could be crumbled over the victim, or hurled with slingshots at range, when facing a slime, snail or slug entity. The hard pebbles of alchemical salts would fizz, bubble and stink abominably on contact with slimes, while reducing them to harmless goo. Slimes would regrow if simply smashed or hacked up. Often multiplying in the process¡­ much as roundworms and groundworms did. Incautious monster slayers could and did leave trouble like that in their wake from time to time¡­ ¡®Not our kids¡­¡¯ The stealthy warrior thought to himself, as the not too distant music reached an ear torturing, violent crescendo. # The kids were busy sweeping up and collecting the creature¡¯s remains, stowing them in tough leather sacks, before tucking the sharp needles of shattered crystal into Wilf¡¯s storage gift. ¡°Uncle Danny!¡± Amy shrieked with joy when he slipped out of the shadows and greeted the team. ¡°Hey Ives¡­ Hi kids.¡± # Ch: 16 Everyone Must Get Stoned Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 16 Everyone Must Get Stoned Dannyl¡¯s chain whip ceased its low, threatening rumble, as Amy tackle hugged her uncle; her assault accompanied by a dangerously loud and reverberating squeal of feminine happiness. ¡°Uncle Dannyl!¡± The young warrior staggered and shook his head in confusion, as he tried to fend off the giddy young woman¡¯s affections. ¡°Shhh¡­¡± He hissed in discomfort. ¡°Weirding module!¡± He gasped. ¡°Ohh¡­ sorry, I forgot!¡± Amy hastily untied the band of black and silver embroidered ribbon at her throat; releasing the remnants of their musical spells into the chaotic background magic of the cavern system. ¡°I¡¯m fine, darling; just remember to close the set out, once the show is over.¡± He sighed with relief, as her spells unwound from his Animus and drained away. ¡°So what do we have here?¡± Dannyl addressed the kids, rather than their supervising auntie. Ivy watched with a small smile of pleasure on her lips as Amy explained the situation so far. ¡°The batscorpions got super aggressive and started wandering outside at night¡­ In the fog and darkness, all the locals found were web traces and spider bites on their livestock, so they reported it as a trapdoor.¡± She murmured happily. ¡°We found signs of a giant cave crawler, which made sense, that would drive the other creepies closer to the surface. We started tracking it, but these¡­ things were already smushing our prey into goop when we stumbled onto them.¡± She paused to reflect for a moment, while Dannyl digested her rapid fire monologue. ¡°Crystal constructs of some kind¡­ they weren¡¯t smart, but they were tough and resilient.¡± Wilf spoke quietly, while his sister gathered her thoughts. ¡°We broke them up, but they kept trying to reform. I¡¯ve got them bagged and stashed away now.¡± ¡°Interesting¡­ were they humanoids?¡± Dannyl asked, while scanning the huge cave with his unnatural senses. ¡°There¡¯s still a lot of remnant magic floating around, but there¡¯s something else.¡± ¡°Roughly humanoid, and they seemed to have a rudimentary intellect of some sort, enough to be aggressive and persistent.¡± Rio supplied. ¡°They reacted to our spells much the way natural undead do, like frozen zombies, or haunted statues. No spiritual entities that I could detect though, just faint traces of undirected Will and Animus.¡± ¡°Weird.¡± The smiling ginger man muttered, as Ivy hopped down off the boulder she was perched on and joined the group. ¡°Any thoughts, Ives?¡± ¡°Reminds me of those haunted armor creatures we fought way back when¡­ remember the wanna be lich lord?¡± The blonde mage sighed with a smile. ¡°Those hollow, haunted armor suits were smart, but otherwise¡­¡± ¡°You suspect an undead wizard?¡± Dannyl asked softly, halting halfway through casing his weapon up in its odd boxlike scabbard of wood and leather. A soft, metallic chiming sound whispered through the cavern, as his whip uncoiled and began slowly thrashing like an agitated serpent, writhing and coiling on the rough stone floor. ¡°No¡­ well perhaps, but if it¡¯s something similar, I suspect a magical accident or misadventure.¡± Ivy murmured thoughtfully. ¡°The traces and emanations are too random, in addition to the creatures being nearly mindless.¡± She tapped her chin with the artfully carved tipper she had been drumming with. ¡°They can¡¯t have come from too far away¡­¡± Wilf muttered sourly. ¡°They were slow and clumsy.¡± ¡°Good point Wilf! Let¡¯s find the source of this effect¡­ I¡¯m feeling a little violent and destructive.¡± Ivy¡¯s bright blue eyes flashed with eagerness, as her younger brother and the kids got ready to move out. ¡°Nuhh, uhh!¡± Amy catcalled her auntie, through her own barely contained eagerness. ¡°You¡¯re our supervisor, you gotta supervise! We¡¯ll let you know if we need your help.¡± Rio rattled ¡®The Bloody Drum¡¯ at her, in solidarity. Maya played a soft air on her long, iron flute making her agreement known, while Wilf struck a hype man pose behind the others; his arms crossed and elbows raised, one hip popped aggressively at the grownups. Frankie and Benny were on watch, so they remained silent. Even so, the veteran Adventurers knew there was no chance of winning; the kids were always unified and they wanted this. # Tallum, up at the camp on the surface, was still barely in range of Becky and the others, back in the harbor. They were at the limit of his earcuff¡¯s range, as were Ivy and the kids, down in the depths. He smiled in renewed wonder at the craft and art of the tiny devices, able to carry his voice all the way down the mountain and into the lightless depths. ¡°Ok, Ives¡­ I¡¯ll let Becky know.¡± He said softly, seated on a boulder near the tents. ¡°They have run into a complication, we may be staying here another night.¡± He told the two young locals, stargazing on a blanket nearby. ¡°We¡¯ll happily stay and keep you company¡­¡± The catgirl purred from her comfy nest of blankets. ¡°I wanted to do a bit more hunting up here as well.¡± Jeskin murmured. ¡°The salt grilled cave crickets are delicious!¡± He nodded at a brace of skewered insects, slowly roasting beside the campfire. ¡°Ooo! Are they done?¡± The hungry giant asked eagerly. ¡°I have some rice ready¡­¡± ¡°Nope, you have a message to relay first!¡± Leafy sassed the huge man, with a playful giggle. ¡°As bad as Amy¡­ fit right in¡­¡± He grumbled through a smile, while adjusting his jewel to contact Becky before bedtime. # Late spring in county Kinnis dawned cool and bright, the sun banished the fog within minutes of its first appearance over the mountains. Three armed and armored young men were hunting a wily and dangerous creature through the damp woodlands of the half wild valley, stalking their prey warily, lest it stalk them in turn. They stepped into a pleasant little meadow, with a huge tree near the northern edge, spreading its boughs to the four winds in regal splendor ¡°Perry, stay close.¡± Barry whispered to the lad with a heavy boar lance in his hands. ¡°Larry, climb that oak and get a look around, now that it¡¯s clear.¡± Larry nodded to his brother and shimmied up the tree like a squirrel, his bow slung carefully behind him. A scant four seconds later, there was a soft cry of alarm, followed by a loud clang. The boy plummeted back to the ground in a rain of broken twigs and leaves, completely limp. He landed flat on his back and groaned, as a tall, muscular man leapt from the tree and grinned at the remaining hunters. ¡°Good job finding me¡­¡± Their papa said, through his crooked, half mad smile of delight. He shook himself all over, sending more twigs and forest detritus raining down on the helpless boy at his feet. ¡°Now we see how good you are at catching me.¡± As he spoke the last word, he was already in motion, sprinting for the treeline. ¡°Get Larry up and moving, I¡¯ll track him.¡± Perry said softly, before dashing off after the fleeing man. ¡°Wait! It could be a trap¡­¡± He called after his rapidly vanishing brother. ¡°It¡¯s totally a trap, son.¡± Gary whispered, as he stepped from the bushes behind Perry. ¡°Aww, dang!¡± The young man mumbled as the world went dark. # ¡°Stay alert Perry, I think he might have doubled back!¡± Barry shouted to his brother, as he scanned the soil and bushes for signs of disturbance. ¡°Perry? Larry¡­?¡± He called again, when he received no answer. ¡°Stupid no magic item rule¡­¡± Perry grumbled, as he began making his way back to the clearing. ¡°Could¡¯a just earringed them¡­¡± ¡°This is a training exercise, you may not always have our toys to play with, son.¡± Papa murmured softly in his ear, as his big, calloused hand came down on the young Adventurer¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Always keep the team together if you can¡­ If you can¡¯t, then you need to find a way to keep the team together.¡± He gave his son¡¯s shoulder a gentle squeeze. ¡°Let¡¯s go get your brothers. It¡¯s time for second breakfast!¡± # ¡°If all three of you had gone under my tree, two would have been able to hem me in, while one climbed. I wouldn¡¯t have tried to take you down like that.¡± Gary lectured over breakfast. ¡°If you had a full team of six, you would¡¯a had me.¡± All four kids gave him a flat, disappointed look; even Harry, who was only twelve. ¡°Ok, I would still probably escape¡­ but not without using a few of my trickiest tricks.¡± Gary sighed at the boys. This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. ¡°Forcing your quarry to reveal their tricks can be the difference between life and death, kids.¡± He said, suddenly seeming very intent and serious. ¡°When you have the upper hand, work hard and smart to keep it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough, lad¡­ tis naptime fer thee.¡± Shai said firmly, as her hand clapped down on his shoulder; just as he had done not so long ago with Perry. ¡°Awww¡­ but naptime¡¯s for babies¡­¡± He whined pitifully, with a wink at the kids. With no regard for his silliness, the tall, red haired woman slowly hauled him upstairs and put him to bed. ¡°Ye are getting stronger e¡¯vry day, my love. Dinnae set yerself back by being willful and childish.¡± She sassed him, once he was drifting off to sleep. Count Liam and lady Tawny were downstairs, beside the fire making sweet music together, when she went back downstairs. All four boys were jamming along, on whatever instrument they fancied at the moment. The family collection took up most of the wall space around the common room, instruments of every description on racks, hangers and stands all around. Guitars, lutes, banjos, mandolins, harps, horns, flutes and drums of every kind were within easy reach, and the kids swapped out regularly. Perry was just settling in behind an acoustic bass, joining the music on the next bar. Larry had taken his brother¡¯s banjo and passed a contrabass recorder to Harry who slipped back into the mix without breaking stride. Shai watched with maternal pride on full display, as her kids rollicked through a medley of local favorites. Her bells and violin joined the music, her twirling, colorful skirts and dancing feet were the final missing element. # The delve team pushed on in the darkness, following the traces left by those lumbering crystal giants¡¯ graceless, stomping feet. They moved in near silence, speaking only when needful and taking care that their footfalls and gear remained quiet. The pool of dim illumination they moved in faded and diffused mere yards away, disrupted by a charm Maya whispered into her flute, playing the tune silently with her fingertips running over her flute as they walked. At the head of their column, Rio touched off a dim red glowstone built into the back of his helm, signaling the team to stop, silently. An instant later, the stone switched to a pale yellow light, indicating that they should approach cautiously. ¡°There¡¯s a glow from ahead.¡± He whispered, as the team formed up behind him, where he skulked near a bend in the tunnel. ¡°Kill your lights and let your eyes adjust.¡± Darkness swallowed the passage, save for the soft glow on Ivy¡¯s wand tip, at the back of the group. From the bend in the tunnel, faint, prismatic glimmers reflected on the wall ahead, reminding them of the light show the golem creatures had put on, before collapsing. ¡°Im¡¯a go take a peek¡­ be right back.¡± Rio whispered, after a moment or two. In utter silence, the young man slipped around the rocky curve and vanished. # Becky and sir Kermal were lounging on the foredeck of Moonrise, watching the birds, giant jewel tone dragonflies and colorful batlizards flit about, in their eternal battle against the skeeters. Those wretches were so numerous and bold, that even by daylight the aerial combat continued unabated. Becky watched with sublime happiness, as a dragonfly plucked one of the enormous, moth winged bloodsuckers and wrestled it into the reeds nearby. ¡°I haven¡¯t been bitten by one of these island skeeters¡­ Is it as bad as they say?¡± She asked her husband, while pouring the tea. ¡°Mainland skeets¡¯ venom numbs the bite for a few minutes, so the filthy things can get away without waking or alerting the victim.¡± Kermal replied with a grimace of unpleasant memories brought to mind. ¡°These things have a burning, itching bite that gives the game away every time. Instead, they always try to creep up and get you in a place they can¡¯t be swatted with ease¡­ and they cling on til they get their fill.¡± ¡°Gross!¡± She sighed happily. ¡°We should head to the temple and see how renovations are proceeding¡­ after lunch. The kids won¡¯t be back in town for at least another day.¡± She let the sounds of the bustling little town wash her cares away, watching that sweet rabbit couple and their swarm of kids hard at work. The humble shed that housed the town¡¯s craft hall was as busy as any of the facilities in the city itself; people streamed in and out all day. Furniture repairs, requests for house maintenance and any number of similar jobs kept the beastkin carpenters and smiths hard at work, while the kids were out of town. Another day or two and Westfall town would be self-sufficient¡­ more or less. Becky¡¯s employees were running the trading post for her, bartering tools and finished goods for raw hides, green lumber and local forage. The scrap trade had dwindled, once the hardliners from the Craft guilds had their apprentices descend on the junk piles and loot them of what metal rubbish remained. The damage had been done already. The kids had bartered and bought nearly every loose piece of brass, bronze, copper and tin on the island. Now the Westfall islanders were doing for themselves, most of the things they had been forced to go to the city for. The bakery and craft hall were only the start; a small, flourishing fishmarket had cropped up, as had a greengrocer, trading in the produce of the local garden plots and fisheries. Those goods had long been bartered among the islanders when they could, or when necessary, sold for a pittance in the city market¡­ A pittance that the fees and taxes of the city would consume entirely in most cases. Ralph and Morrie, a pair of affable and cheerful beaver men, were doing a brisk business, buying and trading vegetables, fruit and forage with a number of local gardeners and enterprising young people. A pack of young dog and cat kids were haggling viciously for a better deal on their goods, a basket of fine, early fern fronds, several bushels of bamboo shoots and a huge bale of swampsparagus, a tall marsh reed, favored for its sweetness, crunch and juicy, tangy flavor when grilled. ¡°We won¡¯t take less than a copper mark for the lot! You know you want it¡­¡± Bikka, the smiling, confident poodle girl that led the gang yipped with amusement at the merchants. ¡°Now, kids¡­¡± Ralph soothed and cooed at them, while eyeing their goods hungrily. ¡°The quality is a little questionable¡­¡± He spoiled his own lie, when a bubble of drool appeared on his lips. ¡°Uhh, huh¡­ In that case we¡¯ll see if the Laupin family are interested in our vegetables of ¡®questionable quality¡¯.¡± She barked softly and did a happy little dance, when the beaver man immediately surrendered two copper half marks to her grasping paws. ¡°Nice doing business with you¡­¡± She sang, as her cluster of young people scampered off chattering excitedly at their newfound riches. ¡°You were right Oriel, coming right before lunch worked a charm!¡± Bikka nuzzled and nipped a smiling jaguar girl on her shoulder in her canine excitement. For their part, the two beaver men were already busy, Morrie was cutting the long, dark green reeds of swampsparagus into foot long sections for grilling and Ralph was whisking a dipping sauce of some kind together with a look of intense concentration on his face. ¡°We have got to get those human kids to show us how that ¡®tempura¡¯ thing is done¡­¡± He grumbled hungrily. Furry folks, humans from the docklands slums roamed the small town and the nearby trading post, dealing and looking around with interest. There were even a few traders from out of town, drawn by the lower dock fees and easy access to a suddenly prosperous town that was eager for goods. A small, independent trade boat was bobbing near Moonrise, moored to the hastily constructed but sturdy township docks across the channel. Water Dragon failed utterly to live up to her fearsome name; she was a round bellied little coaster that circled Centre Port almost constantly, trading at the villages and small towns around the island. She dealt in preserved foods, small luxuries and general goods; much like the trading post did. His crew were eagerly pouring over the goods available there and in the burgeoning market of Westfall, making purchases with hard currency and trading briskly. Her captain, Beuregard Wills had a complicated history with Esperanza¡¯s Bounty and her crew, being distantly related to Dante and desperate to win the approval of Esperanza herself. The man was just eighteen and a new minted captain, inheriting his boat from an uncle of some renown locally. His crew of four were all older, seasoned veteran sailors and those nearing retirement themselves. They handled their business with the easy skill and grace of skilled tradesmen, performing familiar tasks; whether haggling over a hundred pound bale of dried, salted sprats, a local fish that was staple of island cuisine, or supervising the loading two tons of fine milled flour into her hold, with a cleverly designed cargo crane. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen the like of this thing¡­¡± Oliver, the second in command of Water Dragon murmured in amazement, as a heavy rope net filled with goods slowly and ponderously drifted into the open cargo hold. Two burly young dogmen were trotting in a huge wheel, turning a belt driven water pump; which in turn filled a number of huge bladders of tanned monster frog hide, suspended from booms and beams over the bay. Water would pour from one or another, as others filled in a dance that was almost hypnotic. The otter woman at the controls pushed and pulled levers to fill or empty the enormous liquid filled bags, dangling in a complex network of cables strung over and around the pier. All of that cabling, hundreds of pulleys, a massive boom arm of reinforced iron bamboo and a devilishly complicated nest of levers and valves combined into one intricate machine. Wilf and Tallum¡¯s mad invention allowed the three crane operators to dangle the massive cargo net over Water Dragon¡¯s open hold, with delicate precision and settle her burden as gently as a butterfly alighting on a flower. ¡°What happens if one of those bags bursts? That could drop right through her hull and sink her¡­¡± Oliver fretted and grumbled, even while he watched their work in rapt wonder. ¡°There¡¯s a safety brake, incase of a falling load; but those counterweights are made of frogodile and gator skin¡­ Sack up, buddy.¡± Reena, the crane operator chittered at the grizzled old sailor; while her crew kept running to power the water pump. She eased the lever that would open the main counterweight and slowly lower her burden into the ship¡¯s hold, with a sound of rushing water and a soft creak, as the cables and beams released their burden. ¡°See? Safe and sound! Don¡¯t be afraid of new things, captain!¡± The otter woman wriggled a sinuous dance of joy as her team took a well earned break. # The servants and lower echelons of Centre Port¡¯s upper crust were keeping busy these days. A swarm of well dressed flunkies descended on the Craft temples within hours of when Becky had nailed the official notice to the temple¡¯s hideously rococo door of carved and gilt mangrove wood. The god of Craft appeared in numerous guises on the panels of the doors, though whatever craft he performed in the icons and idols, he was a robust and richly dressed and well fleshed man of late youth or early middle age. The central panel revealed the god, in the heroically muscled form of a mighty smith. Craft was depicted in radiant contemplation of his arts, standing above a forge, hammer in hand, in bas relief, picked out in gold and small ornaments of costly materials. Despite the artistry of the thing, Becky smiled grimly as she did her work. She¡¯d driven the rough iron spike right into the benevolent deity¡¯s wooden heart, with obvious malice and ill intent. The scroll dangling from that rude, crude and destructive spike was even less subtle. By order of the god Marduk, light of man¡¯s reason, this temple will be closed, pending renovations. All decorative objects, goods and personal effects must be removed from the premises within two common days of this notice, or such items will be subject to disposal or forfeiture. Becky Ward, high priestess of the Cult Of Man¡¯s Knowledge. The rich drapes and jewels adorning the statuary in the temple nave had vanished in a twinkle, as if by magic¡­ As had many of the statues and idols that littered the space. There had been a long tradition of commemorating notable (wealthy) citizens with idols to the god, with the departed in the background; or in a few cases, depicted as the god himself. The sheer arrogance and self congratulatory hubris of the things was disgusting enough, even without Becky¡¯s antipathy to the fallen god of Craft and his remaining worshippers. The high priestess strolled among the statues in the afternoon sunshine, smiling coldly and admiring the craft and artistry, despite the subject matter. Those statues which remained on the temple grounds had been carted out and re settled in the temple park, by workmen hired for the task from the slums of Centre Port and Westfall. The venerable ancestors of the town¡¯s noble houses had a fine view of the community garden and children¡¯s park, while providing valuable roosting spots for the local birds and bird analogues. ¡°Becky¡­ My beloved wife¡­ are you going to drive the local gentry into open rebellion?¡± Kermal asked softly, as a legion of hostile eyeballs bored into the pair of them, from the windows and shopfronts that surrounded the formerly quiet, conservative park. Financial institutions, trade halls and guild offices surrounded the temple park, shoulder to shoulder, taking up every precious inch of available land around the perimeter of the sacred space. Elaborate facades, picture windows, balconies and rooftop lounges for the elite had looked out on the temple park, in its former rigid, immaculate precision and silent tranquility. Those worthy citizens now enjoyed a fine view of a bustling crowd and the promise of more chaos to come, as the ¡®community garden¡¯, ¡®children¡¯s park¡¯ and ¡®public library¡¯ slowly took shape. Now there were freshly manured garden beds around the feet of each regal statue pedestal, planted with local wildflowers, herbs, fruits and vegetables. A kiddies¡¯ play structure was coming together, under the supervision of a beaver man in a bib overall that made him look super official¡­ and cute as a button, until he spoke. ¡°Get yer backs into it boys, that beam¡¯s barely two hundred pounds, ya bunch of ninnies!¡± He swatted the ground of his worksite several times with his wide, flat tail as he ¡®encouraged¡¯ a mixed group of workers in their tasks. Twenty men and women, humans and beastfolk, all worked side by side¡­ and suffered the forebeaver¡¯s criticism¡¯s together. ¡°That swing set needs leveling before you seat it¡­ God¡¯s man¡­ use a spirit level, not yer half fogged, drunkard¡¯s eyeball measures!¡± He barked and chittered at his crew mercilessly¡­ and ignored the priestess and her escort entirely, so long as they did not dare set foot on his jobsite. ¡°Now, Kermie¡­ would I deliberately offend and outrage the good people of this town?¡± The beautiful woman he¡¯d married asked sweetly, while she fluttered her eyelashes at him in the way she knew he couldn¡¯t resist. ¡°Baroness Dunham specifically requested our help with these matters. She¡¯s been working up to this for a while now, if any of these goons try to get frisky¡­¡± Becky paused briefly, listening to something in her ear with a look of concern on her face. ¡°Trouble?¡± The young knight asked softly after a moment. ¡°Maybe¡­ The kids ran into something odd¡­ Magically odd.¡± She murmured. ¡°Everyone¡¯s safe, Ivy and Dannyl are supervising the investigation.¡± ¡°Is it dangerous?¡± He asked calmly. ¡°Deathless, aggressive, crystal entities¡­¡± She answered with a shrug and a smile. ¡°Pretty standard. We live in a world of freakin¡¯ magic and wonders.¡± # Ch: 17 That Olde Tyme Religion Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 17 That Olde Tyme Religion Captain Hermione Talisker took her time, dressing in her ridiculous, outrageous costume slowly and carefully. The trembling eagerness in her hands made buttoning the elaborately decorated captain¡¯s coat a challenge. She carefully placed her huge tricorn hat, bedecked in ribbons, plumes, silk butterflies and flowers atop her tightly coiled bun of hair. She skewered it in place with a fanciful, jeweled rapier hatpin that sparkled in the morning light. All in cobalt blue, her smiling, dark cheeks and predatory grace told her identity out to any who sailed imperial waters¡­ Amy, Pirate Princess of the Shallow Sea, was hunting this day. She took a few running steps and leapt, with a wild cry on her lips, in praise of the goddess Joy. She nailed her landing in the billowing folds of a slack sail and slid down to perch above the main deck. ¡°Ready, me hearties?¡± She called, balanced on the yardarm and clinging lazily to a stay, above her crew of beautiful, bloodthirsty, colorful pirate girls. ¡°All in costume, captain.¡± Bosun Hale chirped sweetly from the throng of gaily dressed women. ¡°We¡¯re getting in character now.¡± ¡°Sails are changed out, captain. Weapons are ready and we are rigged for a shore assault.¡± Lieutenant Tran snapped crisply from the command deck. Her duty to the ship would keep her tethered to the vessel, this time and she let that tension show in her stance and manner. The captain swung around her line and slipped to the deck in a smooth, silent leap, landing beside the troubled woman in an instant. ¡°Be at ease Tran¡­ I¡¯ll let you open the ghost jar this time¡­ how about that?¡± The captain murmured softly. ¡°Really?¡± The earnest young warrior asked eagerly. ¡°Yes, you¡¯ve been dying to see¡­ Now is your chance.¡± The captain handed over a small ceramic crock, sealed with a tight fitting lid, held down by a spring loaded metal bail. ¡°Pop that open when we are within fifty yards of our prey¡­ and watch closely, it happens fast.¡± A brief moment later a small bell rang at the bow, signaling the chase was on. Estrella, their lookout was snugly tucked away in her cabin, while her senses cruised the local area with her familiar, an as yet unseen aquatic creature. Despite her refusal to let anyone see her mysterious familiar, she was probably the most skilled tracker on the shallow sea. Each of the young women aboard the pirate ship Blue Squall had that in common, a talent, a skill, a unique qualification that set her apart and picked her out for this special duty. ¡°Steady on, we have our bearing, we follow, for now¡­¡± The captain called to her helmswoman, who clutched the plain, white clay jar her captain had entrusted to her; watching eagerly for her moment. # As the sun burnt the fog off, they caught sight of their prey, a chubby, tubby little merchantman, flying the colors of one of the minor territories in the southern lands¡­ Mixtlan or Aztlan¡­ The twinned realms were friendly rivals and competitors in trade, and took obstinate pride in their flags being nearly identical. An agave cactus sprouted in the center of the both bright blue banners, with a falcon perched on a long, slender spine, devouring a scorpion. Retainers and citizens of both realms would always express wonder and amazement at outsiders¡¯ inability to determine at a glance, whether the flag¡¯s field was cornflower blue, or periwinkle blue. Amusing cultural anecdotes aside, the portly little ship bobbed along at a sedate pace, cruising up the coastline, as so many small trade vessels did. Unremarkable little barges and boats would land at any likely looking village, township or camp; moor up and begin trading whatever goods they carried on any given day, up and down the coast¡­ That occasionally, raiders or pirates would pour from the vessel and descend on hapless fisher folk or isolated farms was a well known risk, along the less populated stretches of coast¡­ Especially in the distant, swampy southern reaches, where no lord held sway ashore. The long, low sloop cruising along just beyond the horizon, out of view of her prey was just as unremarkable; like many other vessels on the sea, she was running under a single mainsail of unbleached canvas toddling along in the bright morning, waiting until the fog burned off to set sail and start moving. Without obvious cause, the small ship changed course; heading for a muddy estuary, one of a near uncountable number of similar inlets, by-waters, channels, sounds and rivers that ringed the Shallow Sea. ¡°Limber up my dears, it¡¯s time, we¡¯re taking her.¡± The captain called softly to her eager crew of bloodthirsty damsels. With a soft, rustling sound, sails of brilliant cobalt blue blossomed from her rigging, snatching the wind to their pillowy, silken bosoms, as though welcoming long lost friends home. Lines of inscrutable text had been painstakingly embroidered into the stitchwork and engraved into the metal grommets that held the things together; sutras and scriptures that whispered for the attention of the spirits of the winds and brought the ship into creaking, groaning, occult life. No honest trader of those domains would set all sails and begin a panicked flight for the nearest shore at the sight of those infamous blue sails, nor would honest sailors release desperate, wailing cries of fear and despair into the quiet morning. The sluggish little merchantman pitched and bucked visibly, as her crew scrambled to rig for shallow waters and panicked flight. ¡°That¡¯s them¡­ merchant ship Leilani, taken near Gallis island, four days ago.¡± The captain called out to her crew of scantily clad pirate girls. ¡°The single survivor reports the crew were slain and her passengers taken into bondage¡­ She was sailing on a charter excursion for the temple of Healer, twelve young novices and a full priestess physician of that cult were taken, none have been found...¡± Whoever was at the helm of that tubby little boat knew their craft, as did their water worker. The wide beamed, two masted ketch showed a surprising turn of speed, in her desperate attempt to escape. Her weather witch began their work, contesting magically, with the arts and skills of the mages on the swift, blue, bird of prey swooping down on them with the wind surging at her sails, and her sails alone. ¡°The empress Gabriella Rex, blessed of the light, has charged us with this duty¡­ and it will be done¡­¡± The captain called to her crew from her new perch, once more balanced in the rigging. ¡°Elite armswomen, skilled weather or water workers, mages, sailors and soldiers, you are the cream of the empire¡¯s vast army and navy¡­ Today, we further the legend of the Pirate Princess!¡± She cried over the quiet, expectant warriors thronging her decks. They hung there for a long moment, waiting. ¡°And we feed some of them to the sharks!¡± The costumed captain whooped at last, drawing a fierce and ragged scream of bloodlust and fury from her crew. Blue squall overtook the dumpy trader swiftly, her colorful crew boarded, before the frantic trade vessel could find a place to hide in the countless inlets and bogs or muster much of a defense. Locked in a decidedly unequal combat, the two ships sailed together into a small, hidden cove, holding a scant half dozen similar trade ships at anchor beside a collection of sagging, makeshift huts and piers. ¡°Now Tran!¡± The captain shouted from the deck of the tall ship, as the pirate vessel used her greater mass effectively and drove the round bellied trader onto a mudflat, where she stuck fast. The helmswoman cut the wheel hard to starboard, leaving a dozen of her colorful damsels to take the stranded prize. The rest leapt to the docks, piers and decks of nearby ships, in their desperate desire to come to grips with the hapless, scurrying foe. Tran braced herself, popped the bail on her little ceramic jar and let the lid flop open. With the seal dangling free, a cloud of darkness erupted out of the little jam crock. The thing bore a paper label, pasted on and written in a clear hand: Warning, do not open in enclosed spaces. Judas Priest, Screaming for Vengeance, open with caution. Four hazy, shadowed figures appeared in a few moments, coalescing into ominous, robed musicians, bearing strange instruments. No sooner were they fully manifested, than a hideous, ear rending cacophony poured out into the wretched town; accompanied by a swarm of fast moving, colorful raiders, wielding bitterly keen steel with gusto in the morning sunshine. The ¡®citizens¡¯ of the wretched village scrambled and boiled like a kicked ant¡¯s nest, when the screeching, thundering, mad music washed over the huts and mires. Bloodthirsty, ululating battle cries and the clash of arms shook the sleepy pirates awake, dragging slavers and bandits from their hungover slumber, albeit too late. # Elaborately embroidered coattails swirling, the captain in brilliant cobalt blue finery plied her flashing sabre against two unarmored spearmen, striking one man¡¯s point high, while dancing past his comrade¡¯s weapon with a sly pivot and twirl. Her blade turned just a hair and slid down the shaft of the man¡¯s weapon, snipping all four fingers from his leading hand. Before the fellow could figure out why he couldn¡¯t hold his spear anymore, she solved his problems, by neatly flicking the point of her blade across his throat. The remaining man watched his comrade die, rooted in place by the sudden and elegant violence, gasping a silent breathless scream of open mouthed shock¡­ and received the polished brass bell guard of the captain¡¯s sabre to his slack, staring face as a reward for his admiration. She stepped out of the reeking pool of mud and blood, eagerly seeking new prey, while her subordinates bound the unconscious slaver where he lay. All over the miserable hamlet the scene was playing out in much the same manner; rough looking men came staggering from their rude huts, clutching whips, bludgeons and catchpoles, expecting a slave uprising¡­ Only to find armed, armored warriors in the uniform of the imperial legion and navy stomping down on them, while brilliantly colorful raiders savaged them from the water side. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. No one in the rickety town of bamboo, palm fronds and reeds remembered the shouts of forty armored marines of the imperial navy, as they swarmed over the feeble bamboo pickets of the slaver township, pouring in from the inland bogs. No one recalled how the mounted knights of her imperial majesty¡¯s legion swept down the shore and wrought bloody havoc on the sand, with lance, blade and hooves. All the survivors could talk about, as they huddled together in chains, was that Admiral Amy, the Pirate Princess of the Shallow Sea had struck again. A few wiley or lucky slaves, slavers and flesh merchants had slipped away in the scrum and vanished into the endless, reedy swamps that lined the southern reaches of the Shallow Sea. In tiny, wet boltholes hidden in the trackless bogs, the few survivors huddled in the damp and dark, hoping against hope that they would not be dragged screaming out of their burrows by the horrifying, beautiful, bloody handed girls of Blue Squall. Most of the slaves and slavers who staggered into the muddy, trackless fens soon found themselves in the inconsistently charitable paws of a number of beastkin warbands, patiently lurking deeper in the mires and bogs, eagerly awaiting their visitors. Beast¡¯s otter, beaver and badger clans had suffered terribly at the hands of human raiders for untold generations¡­ as had so many others. The escaped slaves, whether beastkin or human, soon found aid and comfort in the surprisingly well equipped warcamps, hidden deep in the back ends of the swamps, where the true wilderness began. The ultimate fates of those unfortunate slavers went largely unrecorded, in keeping with tradition. In the unnamed town of sagging, rotting wood and reeds, the hard work of cleanup began. Dozens of pitiful people, human and beastkin alike, were chained and staked out on the silty mudflats, or penned in cages under their owners¡¯ rude huts, among the vermin and trapped in squalid filth. The former slaves were swiftly and gently bathed and tended to by the relief crew of healers and nurses, who poured from below decks on Blue Squall. The prisoners found themselves bound and hooded in the holds of their own stolen ships, deeply thankful that they were remaining with the hard eyed and grim looking legionnaires and marines¡­ Far better to suffer the tender mercies of those veterans, than remain in the clutches of that murderous crew of lissome and beautiful young girls. Each one of whom seemed disappointed to not have dipped her blade in their various innards and fluids¡­ ¡°Admiral Amy sends her fondest regards¡­¡± Tran sneered at the prisoners, as they were hustled past, to their certain fates before a justiciar in the imperial capital. # Blue Squall set sail, while the legion and the healers were still tending to the captives, slipping out to sea in silence with their grim cargo. Those slavers who¡¯d taken up arms or refused to surrender, were on her deck; wrapped loosely in cargo netting with a few hefty stones in each bundle. Once they were decently out to sea, the tarpaulin sheets they lay on were unceremoniously heaved up by hand and tipped over the side in silence. The water around Blue Squall turned a faint pink color for a moment, as the corpses splashed down; sinking to the bottom, to feed the crawlers in the darkness. ¡°The after action report, captain.¡± Tran murmured solemnly once the decks had been scrubbed of their filth, with clean, honest seawater. ¡°Three injuries, two are only minor¡­ but sergeant Heather will likely lose her right eye.¡± ¡°That is sad news¡­ but we did a brisk business this morning.¡± Captain Hollister murmured soberly, once she was back in her imperial navy uniform. ¡°I¡¯ll go below and visit Heather, you have the helm. We sail for Bastion, the empress has granted us all leave for four weeks, once we dock. It¡¯s been a busy spring season!¡± Tran grinned wolfishly and stepped up to the wheel, as cheers began to spread across the formerly sober and quiet decks. # Becky sat back on her lounge in the bright, morning sunshine, reading the latest broadsheets from the mainland with a smile on her lips. Breakfast on the foredeck with the baroness and her husband, while reading the paper was a very civilized way to start the morning¡­ Especially when the news from the empire was so deliciously grim. ¡°It seems that the dread pirate Amy is continuing her depredations in the southern reaches of the Shallow Sea.¡± Becky remarked airily to her husband, seated nearby and reading the latest fantasy Adventure digest. ¡°Several more slaver ships and two sloppy little towns have been taken and burnt, that was as of three weeks ago, gods alone know what the score is now.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t like that they are playing at this farce¡­¡± Kermal grumbled sourly. ¡°Seems an awful risk, using her name like that.¡± ¡°Gabbie has at least three ships flying the blue sails right now¡­ unless my fool brother sent her another set¡­ and the costumes to go with.¡± Becky smiled slyly at her angsty man. ¡°Now that the empire is cracking down, the bandit ¡®lords¡¯ are feeling the squeeze¡­¡± The high priestess remarked wryly. ¡°With Beast¡¯s warbands nipping at their heels from the wastes and the duchies penning them in, this is a hard time to deal in slaves.¡± ¡°That still doesn¡¯t explain the costumes and trickery¡­¡± The baroness murmured from behind her coffee mug.. ¡°It¡¯s a long running, personal grudge between my family and slavers in general¡­¡± Becky mumbled quietly. ¡°Rumors of a terrible pirate girl, dressed in blue have been circling in the empire for a long time now. It all started with a silly game of pretend pirates, when the kids were little¡­¡± She went on to relate a strange tale, even by Ward family standards. ¡°...So the empress put her official chop and seal on Amy¡¯s pretend letter of marque, just for ¡®funzies¡¯¡­ Until it was taken by one of the empress¡¯ retainers, who used the document to steal a naval vessel?¡± Baroness Filly Dunham asked finally. ¡°There was a whole attempted coup thing going on at the time¡­ and a demon haunted throne¡­¡± Becky offered, while Kerma snuggled in with her on the chaise. ¡°So the rumors of Amy, the Pirate Princess were born¡­ We just sorta kept the rumors alive¡­¡± ¡°You¡­ ¡®kept the rumors alive¡¯¡­?¡± Filly asked quietly. ¡°How, exactly?¡± She smiled nervously and squirmed a little in their shared lounge chair ¡°By raiding slavers every once in a while, in fancy dress¡­ just a little¡­ for the last decade or so.¡± ¡°Becky does love to dress up¡­¡± Kermal sighed fondly. ¡°Tony always said you lot were dangerous and uncanny¡­¡± The baroness murmured softly. ¡°So when you and your fellow mad miscreants go ¡®Adventuring¡¯?¡± She demanded sharply. ¡°Yeah, we try to sneak in a little piracy whenever we can¡­ They started it!¡± She blustered at her husband¡¯s heartfelt sigh of frustration. ¡°Ward and the dryads have been tipping off the War cults and justiciars, whenever he finds a nest of the scum.¡± Becky frowned and bit into her breakfast sausage roll angrily. ¡°But sometimes they¡¯re out in the wilds¡­ too far from justice.¡± ¡°My wife is an unrepentant vigilante¡­¡± Kermal sighed quietly. ¡°But she¡¯s so cute in her pirate finery.¡± ¡°Gary calls it the ¡®Superhero Gambit¡¯... Because he¡¯s a silly creature.¡± She leaned over and nudged her man with a slim shoulder, smiling wickedly at the baroness, seated across the tea table from the happy couple. ¡°Essentially, we need to strike fear in their hearts¡­ Not just fear of the law, but the terror that they might be swooped down on in the darkness, by a vicious, implacable foe. Just like the poor folks from isolated places that they prey on. Nowhere is safe, between Beast¡¯s kin, the duchies, the empire and¡­¡± She sighed with sheer delight and leaned on his shoulder. ¡°A terrifying pirate lass, who only preys on pirates.¡± ¡°Diabolical¡­ but what if they come for her, for them?¡± Filly asked in alarm. ¡°You put those children at risk with this gambit!¡± ¡°The Ward kids have always faced that risk, lady Dunham. We¡¯re Adventurers and orphans; fighting monsters is what we do, however the monsters may present themselves, even if in human guise.¡± She smiled grimly, while her husband nodded along. ¡°I think anyone who wants to try and take those kids will be in for a few nasty surprises.¡± The highly decorated young knight murmured into the nape of his wife¡¯s neck. ¡°Kermie! What¡¯s gotten into you?¡± The high priestess giggled and squirmed under his nibbling lips, until she gently pressed him back with the palm of one hand. She gazed into his eyes for a long moment and sighed at the baroness. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Filly, things may get awkward.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± The baroness inquired mildly, hiding her smirk behind her cup. ¡°More awkward than the adorable display of affection you have been putting on for the last few minutes?¡± ¡°Really, lady Dunham¡­ This is embarrassing enough already.¡± Becky flushed a deep purple on her smiling cheeks. She turned away to hide her amused smirk and spoke loudly, at the canopy of the mangrove tree that shaded Moonrise¡¯s deck. ¡°Ward¡­ please come out into the light¡­ You¡¯re messing with my husband¡¯s aura.¡± After the high priestess scolded the tree, a shadowy form emerged, dribbling down from the branches to form a human figure, swathed in darkness. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m having trouble manifesting in full daylight¡­¡± The figure sighed breathily, with the sound of a faint breeze through a graveyard¡¯s stones and softly stirring leaves. ¡°My Contracted cultists are all either far away, or underground right now and I only have a few trees, all newly planted on this island.¡± ¡°Baroness Dunham, this is my uncle Ward, the god of Death and Vengeance. Ward, this is Filly, Tony¡¯s cousin and the baroness of these islands.¡± She shook her head and went back to scolding the hazy, inhuman form. ¡°You can¡¯t just creep around like that, you know how you affect mortals!¡± ¡°Yeah, well people would be more likely to Contract with me and less prone to screaming and running away, if you introduced me as the Golden Fig¡­ That¡¯s way less scary!¡± He grumbled back, his voice still a distant whisper from an open crypt. Somehow, it sounded amused and cheerful, as though this were a contest of wills between friendly, cozy rivals. ¡°Ohh, that¡¯s what scares people¡­¡± She sassed sharply, with a wide smile on her face. ¡°Stop dressing all in black and hanging out in graveyards! Ya big dumb chuni!¡± ¡°Hey, if I had my way, it would be all jazz, tie dye and hippy beads.¡± The vague indistinct haunt sulked merrily at the small breakfast group. ¡°Your culture¡¯s death rituals are dismal.¡± He complained cheerfully. ¡°I really need to work on that¡­ Maybe a temple theme park?¡± # ¡°It¡¯s¡­ glorious!¡± Amy whispered, lost in awestruck wonder. Ferns, moss, scattered small shrubs and a deep, icy pool of clear water covered the floor of the enormous, vaulted cavern. Above, a galaxy of brilliant flowering vines rambled over the ceiling, among stalactites and seeping springs. Moths flitted to and fro among the flowers, iridescently colorful and truly colossal. On the eastern side a huge outcropping of some radiant gemstone protruded from the wall, a single rounded mass bigger than a small cottage. That shining stone scattered light and beautiful, prismatic colors around the vast lava chamber, supporting the small forest glade, hidden in the utter depths of the earth. In the center of the unfaceted, natural stone, a half dozen or so dark impurities lurked, some form of inclusions in the gem. Wilf had his bare hand pressed to the surface of it; the shimmering disco lights playing over him as he contemplated his interface gift. Ancient Glass Ooze, beast, slime. Non sentient lithovore. Threat level unknown/null. ¡°The shards of the creatures gave me the same message¡­¡± The burly lad mumbled, as he blushed with embarrassment. ¡°I don¡¯t get much information from living creatures.¡± ¡°Should we¡­ Fight it? Mine it? Have a funeral? An exorcism?¡± Frankie asked awkwardly beside the huge mass of coruscating, radiant crystal, with six, barely visible human corpses suspended in its amorphous form. One could be forgiven for mistaking it for a wildly out of place glacier, or some kind of normal, if colossal crystalline outcropping¡­ Benny and Maya were sifting through what remained of a camp set up in a side chamber, apparently belonging to the group of unfortunates embedded in the creature¡¯s mass. Mining tools and an assayer¡¯s kit lay where they had fallen, now rusted and decayed beyond usefulness by an unguessable stretch of time in the cavern. Pests and nibblers had made themselves at home in the camp proper, consuming the ropes, canvas tents, the wooden poles and everything else organic, leaving only scattered metal fragments and rich, loamy soil that was best not examined too closely. Slowly, the kids crawled over the site, examining what traces remained, after so long. ¡°What do we know now?¡± Dannyl asked, when they had finished sifting through the detritus and setting up their own encampment on a nearby lava flow, overlooking the chamber of dark stone and its gleaming, cottage sized and shaped occupant. ¡°It looks like they were trying to mine it¡­ I guess they thought it was a mineral outcropping. Pretty understandable.¡± Rio answered confidently. ¡°It¡¯s a living thing, despite appearances. When they started breaking pieces off, it defended itself.¡± ¡°That thing killed them?¡± Ivy asked suspiciously. ¡°Those constructs were scary and tough, but running away would have solved the problem. They were too clumsy to give chase.¡± ¡°Yeah, the constructs are probably a side effect of the ¡®foreign matter¡¯ inside it.¡± Wilf murmured from his little makeshift workshop in the corner. His wide, smooth slab of stone sported innumerable chalk markings, in all the colors of the rainbow. The big lad plucked a leather rucksack from his storage gift and slowly emptied a stream of liquid light onto the floor in his circle. Viscous as honey and gleaming with spectacular rainbow hues it flowed out into a low mound about eight feet around, slowly bubbling and pulsing within the chalk boundary. ¡°Oozes and slimes are magical creatures, pretty much just Mana and whatever they absorb to form themselves from, enveloped in a bubble of hardened Animus.¡± He rumbled on, warming to the topic. ¡°Being non sentient and simple, they tend to take simple shapes. Spheres, ovals, amorphous goo mounds¡­ that kind of thing.¡± ¡°So what were the crystal golems?¡± Ivy asked, now that Frankie had finished brewing the coffee. ¡°They were way too complex to be a slime.¡± ¡°Yes indeed!¡± Rio chimed in. ¡°Way too smart, complex and competent to be a slime, even one as interesting and unique as this one¡­ But what about a haunted slime? Watch this¡­¡± He swung his bongos around and began caressing the ancient skins, his fingers stroking the familiar runes and glyphs inscribed just for him, his first possession and his most beloved. Rattle-tap, enchanted drums. Spiritual enchantment. Rank, unranked. Rarity; unique. Effect: Dead Man¡¯s Party, when played by or in proximity of a source of etheric magic, spirits and incorporeal entities may manifest. Effect: Danse Macabre, player may expend Mana and shadow essence from their Ka to encorporate a willing spirit, shade or ghost temporarily. Slowly, a pale, shifting form rose from his imprisoned fragment of semi liquid goo. In a few breathless moments it coalesced into a dim human shape, vague and distorted, but a man of early middle years. ¡°What¡¯s your name, friend?¡± Rio asked, over his soft, low drumbeat. ¡°What are your companion¡¯s names? We need to know so that we can inform your kin, after we release you.¡± # Ch: 18 Deep, Dark Doings Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 18 Deep, Dark Doings A round blob of liquid crystal ooze churned and sloshed gently in its prison of chalk, magery and focused Will. ¡°The crystal golems were unconscious projections of the fractional ghosts trapped in the crystal matrix¡­ They weren¡¯t anything more than a few flickers of frightened animal instinct, bashing and stomping reflexively at anything they perceived as a threat.¡± Rio lectured calmly, over his soft drumbeat, as Dannyl led them in the performance of a brief funeral rite to release the shades. He sang the spirits off into the next realm with a strange, sad song that made Rio, Amy and Wilf smile. ¡°Carry On My Wayward Son, Kansas¡­Beyond classic.¡± Wilf sighed softly, once the six ghosts were flitting off into the cavern, as a squadron of shadowy, intangible moths unerringly drawn to the moon so far above. ¡°Wilf¡¯s got his nostalgia goggles on¡­ Brace for geezer music!¡± Amy giggled and gave him a swat on the armored shoulder, as she went over to their camp to wash up. ¡°Now we need to decide what to do with this¡­¡± Maya muttered, looking down on the immobile monster. ¡°It¡¯s a glass slime, it won¡¯t move for centuries, if left unmolested¡­¡± Rio muttered. ¡°And then it will just slither off to find more obsidian to consume. We can just let it be.¡± ¡°We could kill it¡­¡± Ivy muttered hungrily, her eyes measuring up all that shimmering, magical glass. ¡°If we did that, everything in this cavern would die.¡± Amy spread her arms wide to encompass the huge, beautiful cathedral of unnatural wonders. She gestured to the cataract of icy water, plunging into a deep, clear pool and the mossy, flower bedecked walls of the huge chamber. ¡°The light comes from Cinderella¡­ we can¡¯t kill her, I named her.¡± As if to make her point, a huge, shimmering blue moth fluttered down to perch atop her hat, gently fanning its wings in the rainbow light show. # That strange Ward creature the high priestess and her husband introduced the baroness to, turned out to be an affable, glib and deeply odd being. Odd and disturbing, even considering his insubstantial and shadowy form. ¡°...so it all comes down to how we perceive death and what we consider the purpose of a funeral to be. Is it a woeful scene of loss, or can we celebrate the departed as well?¡± He sighed, seated under an umbrella and pretending to sip from a shadowy teacup, as they chatted. ¡°I¡¯d like to lighten up the whole deal and make things a little more natural and organic, more of a party for the living.¡± ¡°Spiritual hygiene¡­¡± She murmured quietly. ¡°We have had a lot of trouble with haunts, on the leeward side of the island. That¡¯s been a problem for centuries, those are some of my richest lands, lying empty because of spooks and specters.¡± ¡°Yeah, I sent my second cultist on a jaunt around that side¡­ He planted some trees and did a few exorcisms and ritual funerals. Things should be under control there now.¡± The shadow man murmured happily. ¡°It was quite a mess over there, your weather patterns and the natural, ambient magical currents of the island created a spiritual depression that lingered for centuries, swirling around endlessly. It should be all cleared up by midsummer¡¯s day, just don¡¯t cut down my fig trees¡­¡± ¡°Fig trees?¡± She asked cautiously. ¡°Like, when you said: ¡®I am the golden fig¡¯?¡± ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± He answered distractedly. ¡°I¡¯m the first and only male dryad and the pantheon¡¯s only god of Death. That means where I can¡¯t touch, souls linger and fester, rather than passing on. You really want my roots dug into your soil¡­¡± He paused, seeming to listen to some distant sound. ¡°Sorry, gotta go, somebody is playing my song.¡± The shadow man whispered, as he evaporated into a pleasantly scented cloud of darkling vapor. ¡°Now, perhaps you begin to fully grasp the current state of the pantheon¡­ And the lengths your recalcitrant clerics will go to, in hopes of forestalling these changes.¡± Becky remarked, while the baroness contemplated these new things. # Ward coalesced in a shadowy corner, before the funeral rite his kids were performing got to the chorus. He watched proudly, as they slowly and gently eased the fragmentary shades out of their glimmering, radiant prison; before sending them off to their next destination¡­ With a bit of sweet classic rock. ¡°Very nicely done kids!¡± He cheered as loudly as he could manage, while insubstantial. Rio reached into the shadowy nook his uncle was stuck in, smiling sadly at his semi divine, semi substantial, entirely weird uncle. He clasped the half formed deity and pulled him into reality with a firm, gentle tug; followed by a hug to bring him into reality as mortals know it. ¡°Unkie Ward!¡± Amy chirped happily, now that she was clean. ¡°Hiya kiddos!¡± He sang back, between great gulping breaths of the strange cave¡¯s atmosphere. An instant later his form blurred into insubstantiality again, as he vanished. Just as suddenly, he flickered into view, over near the entrance to the side passage where the camp lay, and just as quickly evaporated again. ¡°Oooh! I Like this place!¡± The man in black called out to the team, from atop the giant glass ooze creature. ¡°There aren¡¯t any souls trapped in there, it¡¯s more like an echo or a resonance¡­ a harmony, perhaps. Makes it hard for me to stay focused.¡± ¡°Yeah, this is a pretty special spot, we should plant a tree here.¡± Ward grumbled happily, when he landed back among the young Adventurers, a few seconds later. He reached out and dropped a hand onto Rio¡¯s shoulder and clutched onto the young warrior bard for dear life, as unseen winds battered at his form. ¡°Hey, Danny!¡± He called into the camp, for his second cultist and current high priest. ¡°I think we¡¯ve found¡­ The Spot! Spooky, secret, hidden, volcano temples dedicated to the god of Death are classic!¡± ¡°And you wonder why Becky calls you a big chuni¡­¡± Amy scolded her uncle sweetly. ¡°If the delusion fits¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s got me there¡­ but I¡¯d hate myself if I missed out on all the opportunities that my new life offers¡­¡± He chortled and cooed happily, while digging around in his fluttering cape of black leather for a trowel. After a second, he shrugged, letting his cape fall from his shoulders. Rather than drifting to the ground, it fluttered and darted away, into the upper reaches of the cavern. ¡°I¡¯m the god of Death, I have a vampire bat familiar who lends me her wings, I hang out on the moon and appear as a menacing half seen shadow wherever I go.¡± He shrugged amiably and smiled. ¡°Your dad understands.¡± Dannyl ambled out of the camp, greeting his deity with a grin and a lift of his chin. ¡°Wazzup? I was studying when you bellowed.¡± ¡°I said, this is The Spot. Please plant my clone over on that little rise, right there.¡± He turned back to the Ragamuffins and spread his arms wide in joy. ¡°Hey, Kids! Wanna help me consecrate this cavern?¡± # ¡°You boys are really coming along¡­ but you¡¯re not ready to go hunting alone, yet.¡± Uncle Liam chided the three teenagers gently. ¡°Most of my domain is half wild or worse, including the lake. We aren¡¯t sure what might be down there.¡± The startlingly handsome count paused for a few heartbeats, letting tension build, before continuing. ¡°All we know is that it hasn¡¯t attacked anyone¡­ yet.¡± ¡°Here he goes again¡­¡± Harry grumbled, from his perch over by the stage. ¡°There¡¯s no lake monster here; the fae told me so.¡± ¡°Harry!¡± Tawny cried out in alarm at his rudeness, but her smile said she was enjoying the show. ¡°Your uncle is a knight of the realm, he wouldn¡¯t lie!¡± ¡°Uhh uh¡­?¡± The young rascal sassed the countess, with a wink. ¡°He didn¡¯t lie, he just danced around the truth. There¡¯s a giant water snail down there, it only eats algae and decaying matter on the lake bottom. That¡¯s your terrifying lake monster!¡± ¡°Shush, boy! I¡¯m trying to start a tourist trap here¡­¡± The grinning count gave up halfway through, when the boys started giggling at him. ¡°My ruling stands anyway, boys. I¡¯ll just have to go on this trip with you.¡± If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. All four boys cheered and fell in behind the count, ready to head out. ¡°Could you just spread the lake monster rumors, please? For your uncle Liam?¡± Gary came staggering up from the basement workshop, leaning heavily on his enormous, red haired wife. ¡°Triplets¡­ why did we have triplets, woman? Triple the sewing and washing, triple the victuals¡­¡± He grumbled sourly at the goofballs goofing in the common room. ¡°Fie on thee, lazy slackard and wastrel! There be more work tae be done around this house!¡± She chivied him upstairs, with a broad wink at Tawny and the handsome count. ¡°I think he¡¯s feeling better.¡± Liam barked happily. ¡°Let¡¯s go hunt something dangerous for dinner. I think there might be an inkwhip landsquid nearby!¡± ¡°Ooo, takoyaki and ramen?¡± Harry asked eagerly, with a hopeful glance at Tawny. ¡°I don¡¯t know your weird foreign dishes, young man. You¡¯ll settle for squid dumplings and calamari noodle soup.¡± She scolded with a smile. ¡°First you¡¯d best catch it! Off with you, silly filthy boys!¡± Her graceful hunting cat of a husband and four excited, eager teenage brothers stampeded out of the inn by the lakeside and into the nearly wild woodlands beyond, hungry for monster flesh. Tawny¡¯s small, golden hand fell on the musician¡¯s shoulder, gently but firmly. ¡°They will be back tomorrow or the next day¡­ until then, I plan to give you a thorough examination.¡± ¡°Hey, you guys said I was doing better¡­¡± He whined piteously, ever leery of authorities, medical exams and doctors. The tiny, golden priestess smiled grimly up at her pale, shaky patient. ¡°You are in my power now, Gary. Physician¡¯s prerogative.¡± She growled. ¡°Shai, might I take a sample of his brain matter?¡± # ¡°That¡¯s got feels¡­¡± Rio whispered softly, as St James Infirmary drew to a sweet, sad close in the echoing caverns deep below the surface. ¡°I wonder how Figaro is doing¡­ He¡¯d be about Benny¡¯s age.¡± ¡°Shush¡­ speaking the names of the dead in the temple of Death is a fraught and perilous thing.¡± Ward gently scolded his nephew. ¡°He might not be reincarnated yet, we don¡¯t wanna jinx his rebirth.¡± Dannyl urged gently. ¡°He deserves a peaceful, tranquil life.¡± The red haired young bard hopped up on the altar monolith in the newly created henge, beside the little lake and smiled. A ring of twelve pairs of massive standing stones, topped by megalithic lintels of rough cut volcanic rock surrounded an altar of dark basalt and a thick bolled fig tree. The same colorful flowering vines from the ceiling wound around and among them; similarly, thick, green moss festooned the monuments, as though they had been there for uncounted ages. A tidy lawn scattered with many tasteful plantings of exotic blooms and fruits gave every appearance of an ancient garden, tended through eternity by diligent and careful hands. In the center of the henge grew that single, mature golden fig tree, gnarled and thick, softly groaning as unfelt, eldritch breezes stirred its shining leaves. Jet black, obsidian glass wasps flitted to and fro among the fig boughs, emerging from a hidden hive, somewhere among the branches. ¡°Ok, Uncle¡­ that¡¯s a pretty nice temple.¡± Amy admitted grudgingly. ¡°The pretty flowers saved it from tedious banality.¡± ¡°Everyone¡¯s a critic¡­¡± Ward strolled by, in a fully material form with his bat familiar dangling on his back, peering over his shoulder at everything. She cooed and chirped in barely audible frequencies, just the odds and ends of her speech that could be perceived by mortal ears. ¡°Yes, Xyll, we are fully physical here, interesting¡­¡± He turned to the gathered young people, on the edge of the lawn and opened his arms in welcome. ¡°This place is mine now, sanctified and hallowed in my name¡­ glory onto me!¡± He sang cheerfully. ¡°I¡¯ll be passing the collection plate and hearing confessions all day! Cinderella¡¯s light is extraordinary and deeply invigorating!¡± He paused to chat with the vampire bat clinging to his neck. ¡°Xyll¡¯s worried you might attack her new sister¡­ I bestowed my blessing on her, so no attacking my new sacred beast.¡± ¡°Yeah, there¡¯s still the matter of the dead locals inside your ¡®new sacred beast¡¯.¡± Ivy complained. ¡°We should bring them back and put them with their kin¡­ You know how your brother is about mortal remains.¡± The dark clad Death god blanched a little and nodded. ¡°Yeah, good point¡­ lemmee¡­¡± He furrowed his brow, gazing into the depths of the crystal ooze looming over the cavern from the obsidian outcropping it was slowly consuming. The colors of the creature¡¯s illumination shifted into sunset and evening hues, as six dark, irregular masses began moving, deep inside. One by one, six oblong crystal droplets oozed out of the thing, dropping to the mossy floor in a heap. Around six feet long and two feet across, the elongated ovals contained a human corpse, desiccated and shriveled with age. They weighed surprisingly little, perhaps fifty pounds each, suggesting that they held nothing but skin, dust and bones. With a subtle flexing of his will, the giant ooze¡¯s illumination returned to bright hues of rainbow sunlight. ¡°I¡¯ll give these to Axio I think¡­ He¡¯s all about mortal remains and returning to the soil.¡± As he spoke, he shifted the awkward, oblong glass coffins into his shadow, where each one sank below the surface and disappeared. He smiled winningly at the Adventurers and shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m learning this as I go along, gang. Come inside, check out my new house.¡± He led them through the standing stones, each one feeling a weird combination of welcome, melancholy, warmth and ease, as they passed through. ¡°Was that a cleansing barrier?¡± Ivy asked in surprise. ¡°And large enough for all of us to pass through?¡± ¡°Well yeah, I don¡¯t want any tagalongs or sneaky spooks following anyone in.¡± He shuddered in horror. ¡°Uncle Ward¡­ Are you still scared of ghosts?¡± Rio asked softly. ¡°I thought¡­¡± ¡°Look, spooks¡¯re¡­ Spooky!¡± He complained, while his guests got settled in a section of the garden hidden from view by the megalithic structure. Moss, rounded boulders and a few suspiciously flat lava flows at a convenient table height were scattered among the garden planters. Wicker chairs and lounges, upholstered sofas and a trickling stream of chilly, pure water all aimed at a well lit corner of the chamber. In an alcove of blackened volcanic rock, a tiny wildfire plum blazed merrily, in her most impressive springtime vigor. The sparks fell on bare stone around her little patch of soil; a hearth that cast warmth, light and the scents of spring into the cozy little common room. The petals of her pale, glowing red blossoms would occasionally leap off with a quiet pop and sizzle, each becoming a short lived firework, as they fell to the stones and crumbled to ash. She too held a swarm, glittering amber bees in her case, buzzing from their hive to visit the flowers all around. They buzzed and bumbled about, interacting with the obsidian wasps very cordially in their endless labor. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ beautiful¡­¡± Ivy whispered softly, while the others gasped at the tiny, blazing tree. ¡°Unlike any other¡­¡± He whispered with filial pride. ¡°The first new dryad in who knows how long¡­ and my first daughter. We were looking for The Spot, all this time. Now here she is.¡± He sighed happily, as he sank onto a sofa, to bask in the light of Cindi, the crystal ooze. ¡°Watch closely, friends, this is way more than once in a lifetime.¡± The god of Death patted the wicker couch, with cushions of moss green denim, beside him. ¡°My daughter is emerging at last.¡± # She¡¯d been waiting a while¡­ a long while; trapped in her waxy cell, until everything was right¡­ Now, with the strange, jewellike rays of this crystal sun shining down on her leaves¡­ With a mighty heave and a bit of a nibble, she pierced and consumed the waxen lid of her birth coffin, emerging into the free air at last. ¡°If I¡¯d known it was that delicious, I¡¯d have eaten that waxy rascal right away¡­¡± She buzzed happily, before going back to the serious business of getting her shining, gossamer wings in shape, they were a little wet and wrinkled. A huge shadow blocked the blessed sunshine¡­ or whatever it was, interrupting her work. A terrible, dark figure loomed over her newborn form, peering down at her where she perched, in her own slender branches. ¡°You¡¯re blocking the light, Papa!¡± She sassed her father, in a way that suggested he would be getting a lot of lip, going forward. ¡°Tallums¡­¡± Ivy whispered breathlessly into her earcuff, transmitting through hundreds of yards of volcanic rock and soil, to the surface. ¡°Baby, the wildfire plum just hatched¡­¡± She winced at some deafening sound that the others failed to perceive. ¡°I know¡­ but Dannyl¡¯s here.¡± She cooed, when her ear stopped ringing. ¡°He saw everything so at least we have pictures¡­¡± ¡°Hey!¡± The picture dispenser shouted angrily, but he already had pencils in hand and his easel was set up¡­ # Ten minutes later, the high priestess of the cult of Knowledge sat on the deck of her ship and played a merry, cheerful tune on a white, clay ocarina. The instrument was unglazed white earthenware, crafted to resemble a chubby sparrow in exacting detail, save for its hollow body and the finger holes scattered here and there. She sat for a little while, playing with her toy instrument, until a small, white bird took wing from her hands, flashing over the decks of Moonrise. It darted off into the sky, flying north east, with a skirl of sweet, piping music trailing behind its arrow swift flight. ¡°So that¡¯s what Ward and Dannyl have been searching for¡­ Some mystically potent place; somewhere touched by Earth, Water, Fire, and Light.¡± Becky sighed happily, once her messenger bird was on its way and she was curled up in her husband¡¯s arms. ¡°To think that there¡¯s a spot that¡¯s safe, magical and stable enough for her to finish developing here on the island¡­¡± Kermal muttered happily. ¡°Wish we could have been there.¡± ¡°Yeah, remind me to bust Dannyl¡¯s chops later.¡± His cuddly armful answered, as she snuggled in for an ¡®emergency nap¡¯. It always felt odd, dreaming herself into her uncle¡¯s dream realm in the space between mortal reality, dreams, the myriad metaphysical worlds and the swirling chaos of the unbounded ether. She conjured clothing for herself, after waking in her bed, under her own roof, safely tucked away ¡®between the buttcheeks of reality¡¯. As always, she¡¯d appeared in cute, striped cotton panties and an oversized, but still too short shirt. She took a quick twirl, before banishing her skimpy sleepwear away with a smile, ¡°Just a little fanservice¡­ for old time¡¯s sake.¡± She giggled to herself, as her slim, dark legs carried her outside the cozy little cottage of her dreams, even while her skirts and bodice in all the colors of a forest fire, settled comfortably around her. Her little patch of ground was normal, comfy and beautifully vibrant, with jewel bright insects fitting about among her garden¡¯s blooms. Her small orchards and well tended garden sat on an island, where the outflow of the hotsprings at the main house joined the river, before emptying into the sea. Below the dark, empty inn on the bluff, the sea thundered its subtle drumbeat against that rocky promontory. A few hundred yards in any direction from her tidy little home, below the tall, silent house on the bluff. The gardens of the big house were tangled and overgrown, a mad jungle of brilliantly colored insects and lurking shadows. Haunts and shades drifted about listlessly, attempting to do chores and tidy up the place, but their efforts made no changes to the decrepit, but still beautiful, vacant structure. Over by the boundary stream, stood a towering sugar maple tree, splendid and regal, with her hive of jet black wasps buzzing all around in excitement. ¡°I guess you already know¡­¡± Becky sighed to her friend, Maple. The relatively huge, pale golden stick insect tapped a complex dance with her many legs, while clinging to a branch at eye level with the smiling woman. ¡°Such news travels quickly, my dear¡­ the congress of immortals is in a tizzy, I can assure you. A new dryad has not emerged in uncounted mortal generations¡­¡± Maple squeaked and clicked with excitement, stridulating her legs too quickly in her eagerness to create her voice. She nearly fell from her own tree; the dryad equivalent of a human man slipping on a banana peel into a midden heap, or stepping on his own carelessly dropped rake and teeing off on his own ballsack. She barely avoided the most embarrassing pratfall a dryad can experience, suffering only a humiliating wobble and stumble. Once the immortal Maple grove had recovered her slightly battered dignity, she continued on. ¡°Your kind were freshly out of the trees, learning to make wine and mastering agriculture, when we last welcomed a new member into our forest; now we celebrate our new sister; in ways the multiverse has not seen in so long!¡± She raised two of her forelimbs, holding them out expansively to embrace the dim, misty forms moving beyond her borders, in the fog. When Becky looked back, Maple was in her mortal guise, a slim, small blonde girl of about twelve, in a cute summer dress sewn of fallen maple leaves in brilliant spring green at her collar, graduating into brilliant autumn colors at her waist, and finally, deep earthy brown at the swirling hem. Her bright blue eyes, radiant smile of delight and short, flower strewn, golden pixie haircut gave few hints of the ancient and powerful being¡¯s true nature. ¡°Come along darling, but stay close to me; I will shield you from the energies running rampant in this place. Your uncle is still in the mortal world, and the pantheon is feeling¡­ frisky.¡± The immortal grasped her hand and pulled her across the bridge and into the strange realm where the immortals danced and played, hidden beyond the waking world. # Ch: 19 A Name On The Wind Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 19 A Name On The Wind ¡°Think we can get the whole family together for the boys¡¯ birthday? Fifteen is the big one.¡± Gary Ward sighed softly, lost in his wife¡¯s embrace. ¡°Aye, fifteen years since I lost thee, as well¡­ if only fer a time.¡± She sighed and rocked her biggest baby, ruffling his eternally messy hair with her hands. ¡°Though I tell thee nearly e¡¯ry day, lad¡­ ¡®tis fine tae hae thee betwixt me bosoms. I far too long feared that ye would never motorboat me tits again.¡± They were interrupted before things could get interesting, this time, not by one of the many friends, relations or children that seemed to always be coming and going from the house, wherever it landed. Today it was a tiny white bird, a cute chubby clay sparrow that whistled a gay tune as it fluttered down onto Gary¡¯s outflung big toe; the only part of him not embroiled in tangle bedding or deep, snowy boobies. Zelda¡¯s Ocarina of Echoes, rare magical construct, enchanted flute class musical instrument, golem, phylactery. Rank, unranked. One of six existing examples. This instrument is bound to Becky Ward. He extracted himself from the promised land with a sigh and a little sulking, until his little birdie sang its sweet song into the room. Together, they dashed, barely clothed into the garden, over to the private baths; where the wildfire plum grew, against the rocky outcropping from which their magical hotspring baths gushed. On the sunny side of that stony incongruity, she stood in a wide, open stone archway leading into the house, directly into the common room fireplace, where her sparks and occasional fury outbursts wouldn¡¯t ignite anything. Her fiery canopy filled the family hearth, bringing warmth, light and sweet springtime scents into the home and had for some time now. She¡¯d supplanted the magical, semi-real Mana fire that once burned there when her first flaming, blazing leaves had sparked to life. The tree still stood, outrageously magical and wildly beautiful, but now she lacked the vibrant, living essence and sense of sentient attention she¡¯d once held. ¡°It¡¯s strange¡­ Her being¡­ just a tree now.¡± He murmured softly. ¡°Dannyl better have pictures!¡± The young couple separated for a few minutes, unable to use their magical flutes within range of each other, lest both birds fly to the same recipient. # Gary¡¯s little clay bird landed on Liam¡¯s shoulder and whispered very softly, for a few seconds; before flying back home at his reply. ¡°I¡¯ll ask the boys, but I suspect we¡¯ll still stay out ¡®til tomorrow afternoon, at least¡­¡± He turned to the triplets and Harry, over in the corner of their camp, eating¡­ as always. ¡°Congratulations, boys. You have a new cousin! The wildflower plum just blossomed.¡± The count called cheerfully. We can return home if you wish, but She was¡­ Born? Whatever, she¡¯s with Ward and Amy on Centre Port island for now.¡± The triplets and their younger brother held a quick, wordless conversation in glances and subtle gestures. ¡°Let¡¯s finish our hunt and head home tomorrow.¡± Harry announced, finally. ¡°Mom said we¡¯re running low on meat.¡± ¡°Trouble at home?¡± Issac, second in command of his Red Ascots and the captain¡¯s husband, asked quietly, when his count sent the little white bird flying away. ¡°The opposite¡­ there¡¯s been a¡­ birth in the family¡­ or something¡­ you know how the Wards are¡­ uncanny at the best of times.¡± The count sighed in utter exhaustion at the very thought of his odd friend and his family of weirdos. Isaac shared a flat, disbelieving glance with his technically identical twin brother, Saul. They were currently sheltering under the enormous, spreading canopy of the count¡¯s terrifying snapdragon vine familiar. Audrey reached down and nuzzled her master fondly, with a sharp toothed, long fanged flower maw large enough to swallow him whole. ¡°Yes, my lord, they are very strange, not like my lord, who has never sparked a panic among the market traders, by riding a flower dragon up to the town gate¡­¡± His loyal retainer answered drily. ¡°Gods¡­ it was one time¡­ You try and rein in three tons of excited, frolicking vegetation around a full festival privy.¡± The count grumbled at his grinning warrior. ¡°At least I was able to dismount in a dignified manner, before she dug her roots in.¡± ¡°Yes, my lord, very dignified indeed. Rolling in the dust of the common market on festival day, mere yards from the privies really shows your common touch.¡± Saul chimed in, enjoying this game immensely. ¡°Tell us more embarrassing stories about uncle Liam, please¡­¡± Harry asked, sounding more four years old than fourteen; wheedling and pitiful¡­ The wretched urchin. # Jaspreet and Abed Mubarak, duke and duchess of Shiraz received a fluttering sweetly musical message at their luncheon; it landed on their terrace and pretended to peck at crumbs on Jaspreet¡¯s plate, while the young nobles began formulating excited plans. She would wait patiently for a reply, pretending to be a common bird, before finally winging her way home. ¡°Of course we must bring the children¡­¡± She murmured happily, lost in her plans and schemes. # Meanwhile; to the northeast, across the Shallow Sea; the duke and duchess of Port Clement were already packing their baggage for an excursion into the half wild hinterlands to the northeast, where count Liam was slowly and steadily rebuilding his family¡¯s ancient domain. ¡°What does one wear to a function like this?¡± Duchess Grace Rummel asked her young, handsome husband. Her confident, mature beauty and his devoted, often inappropriate solicitude of her least desire, marked them out as eccentrics, like most ducal households in the region. The very much younger duchess Grace Sheng, the newly married daughter of a minor noble and the suddenly widowed duchess, had found herself in surprisingly deep waters; murky depths populated by sharp toothed noble predators. Grace, a girl of eighteen who had fallen face first into ruling a wide, troubled and complex duchy with no preparation or training for the task¡­ Had forged a minor legend of herself in the process of making herself among the most prosperous, respected and feared rulers in the north of the Shallow Sea. By dint of arms, wielded by her loyal warbands and her own native cunning, Grace Sheng had kept the mantle of duchess for herself, in the uproar following her new husband¡¯s sudden death on a monster interdiction. With scrupulous attention to detail and a keen mind bent on rooting out corruption, she had become the most beloved ruler in the region¡­ Among the commons and plebeians of Port Sunderland and her far flung cities, towns and villages along the seashore and in the mountain valleys. Her warbands were welcomed with open arms wherever they rode across her lands; just as her navy swept up and down the coast, watching for threats¡­ Whether human, natural, or monstrous. Beyond her borders, her legend continued to grow, by fostering innovative new arts and workings of craft, as well as vast new public works, expanding the anemic road system in her realm, bringing trade, security and prosperity to her holdings and beyond. Two years after the Madman¡¯s moon had erupted into the sky above the realm, and almost without warning, she¡¯d surrendered her title to her own prosperous, influential duchy; to marry a minor duke fifteen years her junior, just across the Shallow Sea. Naturally, this sent her domain into near chaos; quelled only by her common people¡¯s absolute confidence in her chosen successor. # The nobles of Port Sunderland found themselves less than pleased by the elevation of lady Emma Fernlowe to the ducal seat, despite her lineage and impeccable carriage¡­ Her distasteful hobby left the nobility of the duchy irritable and fractious to this day. Even less palatable to the noble cohort, was sir Francis Pangbourne; a former petty baronet of little renown from the distant north, and husband to the new duchess. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. The new duchess was a beloved, close cousin to the aged dowager duchess; who, with a little fancy paperwork, and a quick, but very legal adoption in the midst of a sudden whirlwind state wedding¡­ Emma suddenly found herself seated much higher than she had ever anticipated¡­ She was also a very successful and highly regarded expert in the field of small unit monster interdiction, landing in the top three or four every year in the fantasy Adventure League rankings. She held that place on her own merit, and the strength of her carefully trained and equipped warbands; vying with established mercenary houses like Grandstaff, Pickering and Leinsdorf, even before taking control of the near legendary ducal warbands of Grace Sheng and Port Sunderland. Her own small household had been outperforming the major names, rising quickly under her guidance to rival the legendary houses of Belen, Mubarak, and even Sheng. That confidence, grit and courage permeated her every act, word and gesture, giving the impression of an unstoppable force of nature, once she had set her course. ¡°Frank¡­ We¡¯re going out of town for midsummer¡¯s feast. Liam¡¯s throwing a party for those three hellions¡¯ fifteenth¡­¡± She smiled as he let out a long suffering sigh. ¡°...and the sweet one finally emerged, as well.¡± She added in, once he¡¯d finished being dramatic. The young duke did not enjoy the prospect of guesting with the madman¡¯s widow, any more than he was looking forward to seeing the dead man again, and made that clear with a fine tantrum: ¡°Burn me with hot irons, rather than journey to the arse end of creation to suffer a madman¡¯s company¡­¡± His sister, lady Paisley Pangbourne scoffed from her seat on the terrace and chided him for his antics. ¡°Frank, if this mysterious madman is so vexing, we will simply take rooms in the town. The message mentioned an inn.¡± ¡°The Inn will be half the problem¡­¡± He grumbled, arguing with himself, angrily. ¡°...But to meet a new born dryad, the wildfire plum? Really?¡± He glanced over to the little potted tree planted in the hearth of their private parlor, warming the room wonderfully, no matter the season. He smiled with genuine excitement at the tiny tree. ¡°It will be worth the aggravation, I think.¡± Emma was stroking the feathers of an odd little white bird, but she was always doing things like that; playing with wildlife and stray animals. When his gaze fell back to the little tree, she huffed at him in irritation. ¡°Plumeria says she won¡¯t be able to step from tree to tree for at least a full year; until she sees the whole cycle of the seasons as an adult. If you want to meet her anytime soon, you¡¯d best find your courage somewhere.¡± Emma scolded him sourly. ¡°You don¡¯t like Shai or her husband, but I do¡­¡± She huffed at her duke. ¡°We¡¯re going visiting¡­ and you are going to smile and be nice to my friends. Rolf will be there¡­ you boys could get some monster hunting in with Liam and the others¡­¡± She cajoled and cooed. ¡°When we get back, we¡¯ll announce our own new development¡­ which should set the noble factions to scrambling and the merchants to scratching their backsides.¡± She sighed happily. ¡°Trade flourishes in stable times¡­ and nothing¡¯s more stable than a freshly made heir to the ducal seat.¡± She scooted closer to him and smiled, still petting her odd little bird. ¡°I¡¯m already eager to start on our second¡­ We should make certain that we stay in practice.¡± She cooed into his collar, nuzzling around as though she planned to climb into his shirt, like a kitten on a chilly morning. ¡°All right, we¡¯ll be there¡­¡± He murmured under duress, at which point, her pudgy, white pet flew out the window, in a cloud of sweet flute music. # ¡°Shoo, scat!¡± Tawny swatted ineffectually at yet another white clay bird, fluttering around her patient, in the midst of her complex and sensitive magical and medical exam ritual. The muscular, brown haired craftsman was strapped into a complex arrangement of hoops, pivots, swivels and eccentric devices, bound at hands, feet, hips, shoulders and head. Immobilized, he slowly spun, turned, twirled and revolved in several directions at once. Mystical runes and glyphs had been painted on his nude body, drawn with painstaking care by this wife and her physician priestess bestie. ¡°Really!¡± She scolded him, as though he was capable of doing anything beyond trying to hold breakfast in. ¡°Your stray magical devices flying about in my workings will only make this take longer, Gary!¡± He tried to complain, but his coffee and cinnamon buns were really well agitated, he was upside down pretty frequently and the Gyro Pope was still not vomit proof. # A tiny, nude, wasp waisted girl barely six inches tall buzzed her four lacy irridescent wings of shifting autumn and fiery colors at the gathered tall folk and sniffed in irritation. ¡°It¡¯s my birthday¡­ Where¡¯s my cake and presents?¡± Wilf leaned closer and held out a tiny handful of bright scarlet silk scraps in his huge, scarred palm. She pounced on the tiny, neatly folded miniature summer dress, sandals and underthings with a buzzing cry of delight. ¡°Oooh, pretty!¡± She gasped in her high, tiny voice, which somehow could be heard by all, over the rushing waterfall nearby and the soft, crackling hiss of her eternally smoldering tree. At least two more sets of insectile limbs that had been tucked back with her wings clumsily reached out to ¡®help¡¯ her slip on the clothing, promptly tying herself into an uncoordinated tangle of clothes and unruly appendages. The big meanies watched her fumble and struggle for entirely too long, smiling and giggling like fools; until she¡¯d finally had enough. ¡°Don¡¯t just stand there gawping! Help me, you ridiculous primates¡­¡± She demanded haughtily, which was quite a trick; considering she was enshrouded in her own clothing and dangling from a branch of her own tree, barely clinging to a loop of silky cloth she had managed to catch herself with. Swinging from her own panties, hooked on a twig of her own tree, she sighed dramatically at her spectating minions. ¡°Amy¡­ Show me how these work¡­ Please?¡± The girls had a fine few minutes with the miniscule child; happily playing dress up with the tiny creature, who giggled, cooed and soaked up the attention like a thirsty sponge. They giggled together gleefully, as they sorted through a full wardrobe of doll sized, exquisitely crafted clothing that the big craftsman had in his storage gift¡­ For some reason. Before long, the fully dressed, pixie sized insect/girl hybrid reappeared from the press of feminine affection and stood on the crown of Amy¡¯s far more conservative Adventuring hat; it had far fewer ribbons and flowers. Sadly, the elaborate tricorn bore no sequins, plumes or bells at all; the sacrifices the admiral suffered for her craft were truly an inspiration to her crew. ¡°I need a human name, papa!¡± She buzzed her wings at Ward, glowering at him from her lofty perch impotently; since her wings were not yet ready to fly. ¡°I can¡¯t see the outside ¡®til I have a name!¡± Her too handsome, darkly mysterious father smiled brightly at the fussy child and stroked his chin thoughtfully. ¡°I hadn¡¯t really given it any thought¡­ How about Burn-adette?¡± He asked at last, doing his best to look blandly uninterested in the whole thing. Every member of the little group moaned in agony at Ward¡¯s criminal abuse of the language, while his daughter just looked disappointed and swished her red silk dress at him in agitation. ¡°Nope, and not funny either. Stop being dumb, or I¡¯ll tell mom on you!¡± ¡°Yes dear, I don¡¯t want Plumeria getting angry with me¡­¡± he murmured, sounding properly chastened. ¡°Your sweet mom, ¡®Meria was one of my first friends here¡­ and Maria was my mother¡¯s name, what do you think about Mariah?¡± ¡°Ooo, it¡¯s pretty¡­¡± She cooed and buzzed, nestling herself into a comfy seat on Amy¡¯s headwear, lounging in the folds of a spray of vibrant yellow, silk orchids that ran around the crown of the admiral¡¯s Adventuring hat. ¡°They say that the wind that sweeps down from the plains, carrying the smoke of wildfires is also called Mariah¡­¡± He crooned softly, as he strummed his guitar. ¡°Sold!¡± His daughter cried happily, as she snuggled in for a nap, with a huge yawn. ¡°Now carry me outside¡­ I wanna see the sky.¡± # After a brief, whispered conversation with his mysterious ear jewelry, the giant smith smiled down at Leafchaser and Jeskin. ¡°The team is coming back up¡­ the problem is solved and they will be topside in less than three hours¡­ That¡¯s not nearly enough time to properly prepare you two, I¡®m sorry.¡± He rumbled, not sounding sorry at all. # ¡°They¡¯re bringing that weird Ward guy up¡­ and his newborn daughter? She¡¯s a tree and an insect at the same time?¡± Jeskin growled and scratched his ear in frustration. ¡°Dryads are neither truly plants nor animals, but they are definitely people¡­ Immortal, powerful and deeply alien in many ways, but she¡¯s a person¡­ just like you, me¡­ and Ward, ¡®that weird guy¡¯. They are people, remember that and you will be fine.¡± The smith rumbled quietly, as he set about methodically dismantling their camp and somehow stowing it all away in a bronze ring he wore on his littlest finger. ¡°Go check your traps and snares, kids. We¡¯ll head home as soon as they hit the surface.¡± Jeskin and Leafy vanished into the scrub brush and small trees on the volcano¡¯s slopes, eager to see what would come next on the crazy ride they¡¯d found themselves on. # ¡°The unique magical conditions on this world severely restrict access to the akashic record, this is why you all have such pitiable racial memories¡­ little better than animal instincts in most cases.¡± Mariah was lecturing from Amy¡¯s fanciful hatband, struggling to get the mortals up to speed. ¡°As I grew in uncle Gary¡¯s garden, uncle Dannyl was busy planting my clones all around in his travels.¡± She cooed at the young warrior bard and smiled. ¡°Likewise, my dryad sisters were already busy spreading clones of me across the realms, so I am already present, if only vaguely, in several places here and on several other worlds.¡± She smiled and nodded at her retainers, as they bore her to the surface, smashing aside any would-be predators they encountered on the way. ¡°So you¡¯ve been conscious and alert for a while, watching from the fireplace and hanging out in the bath?¡± Rio asked, intrigued by his cheerfully imperious new¡­ relative. ¡°Don¡¯t make it sound weird!¡± She grumbled adorably. ¡°I¡¯m a handmaiden of Beast, not some creepy peeper like sister Fig!¡± ¡°There¡¯s a lot to unpack there, Honeybee¡­¡± Ward murmured, as the cave seemed to grow brighter, if only by a bit. ¡°We can talk later, right now¡­ we¡¯re almost outside.¡± They emerged into the gross and not at all pleasant lava vent at the bottom of a twenty foot rift, failing to delight in the squelching and crunching of vermin corpses underfoot. Cave crickets and isopods skittered away from the noise and light of their passage, returning to their feast after the party had moved on. Huge mantis and terrifying cave spiders crept down to join the feast, even if they were dining from a different menu. In the darkness, things slowly began to return to normal. No one was there to witness, far below as the massive crystal ooze slowly spread out to seal off her master¡¯s temple cavern. Six glimmering crystal bats with raptor claws and long, razor keen teeth emerged from her mass, flitting up into the stalactites to await any foolish interloper. No blight, creeping nibblers or tragic mischance was going to befall that little tree, still sweetly blossoming and burning in its hearth, under magical, crystalline starlight. Fig stepped from the leaves of the golden fig tree growing in the henge and settled down on a sofa to watch over her new sister as she grew and explored the world. She nestled her plump, perfectly rounded rear end deeper into the cushions and folded her arms over her perky, modest bosom and sighed. Plumeria was furious that she couldn¡¯t step through her own daughter¡¯s trees, but that was a single small thorn on this well fruited tree. Fig smirked to herself and planned how best to needle poor Plumeria, over needing another sister to sit watch over her daughter. ¡°So many new things¡­¡± She hummed happily, as one of her new sister¡¯s strange wasp drones alighted on her nose. The tiny, nude insectile humanoid waved a friendly greeting at the elder dryad and buzzed an incomprehensible mixture of human and insect languages at her. ¡°New things indeed.¡± # Ch: 20 Walking On The Moon Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 20 Walking On The Moon Gabriella Rex, Pontifex Obscura and reigning empress on the cubic throne of Light made a desperate leap, as a sword whistled over her close shorn, kinky black curls and struck the back wall of her coach. She rolled over her left shoulder and out the other carriage door, into a handspring that landed her back on her feet. She sprinted for the shrubbery, dodging a flying form, as another assailant came at her from the right. Her imperial majesty¡¯s ignoble escape into the roadside verdure ended swiftly, as a sword wielding figure appeared from the very bush she was diving for. Her furious cry of inarticulate rage shattered the night, visibly shaking and disorienting the cloaked figure. Already in motion and unable to change course, Gabbie turned her escape attempt into a desperate grappling attack. They vanished into the shrubs together, with a furious crackle of snapping twigs; until, a moment later Gabbie sprinted into the darkening woods, clutching the attacker¡¯s sword. More pursuers flitted through the shady forest, sprinting after the fleeing monarch, while her six lightly armored and heavily outnumbered bodyguards struggled with at least twenty five assailants. In a clearing, under the warm afternoon sun, two cloaked figures closed in, one wielding a cudgel and shield, the other bore two shortswords. Her meadow ended in a steep clay bank that fell off into a rushing stream twenty feet below to the north, and curving slowly east. That and a thicket of hawthorn and thornberries cut off her escape on two sides, as a pair of two legged stalking wolves in human skins hemmed her in, confident that their prey was in hand. Gabbie took a firm stance and adjusted her grip on her stolen cutlass. The relatively hefty, chopping blade with a primitive, clipped point was a far cry from the elegant and versatile daisho she had been practicing with. Those slender, paired blades were familiar friends after so many years studying her husband¡¯s second great passion. This brutish chopper would lend itself poorly to her sword arts, it felt like a kitchen cleaver in her hands¡­ but she¡¯d worked hard and learnt that craft for herself, as well. With a dancer¡¯s effortless grace and small, quick steps, the empress glided across the meadow. Her movements were deceptively fast; seeming to float over the grass in the strange ¡®ghost walk¡¯ that was the hallmark of a nearly forgotten, classical imperial sword style. She cut high twice at the man with two swords, forcing him to step back a few desperate paces, in the face of her smooth, tranquil aggression. With an unhurried side step and a savage movement of her left hand, the cudgel wielder staggered back from her flank, with a slim dagger in his belly. He fell, gasping stupidly on the grassy soil and struggling against the inevitable. Swords spent just a moment considering his partner¡¯s fate, only to find himself hard pressed, once more. Lightning swift strokes of her sword battered at his defenses¡­ First, his left shoulder, he barely blocked the force of that stroke. Her carefully controlled, effortless seeming attacks flowed at him driving the young assassin back across the meadow. She laid out a triple slash pattern, the way a goodwife might unfolded a quilt to welcome a guest into her home; diagonally across the belly, groin and face; she pressed forward relentlessly, forcing the masked and cloaked man to defend and skitter backwards, or risk spilling his vitals to the dirt. With mercurial suddenness, she flicked her point into a low stop thrust that skewered his thigh, right through the meat above and behind his knee. Her foe neatly hamstrung, the empress turned and fled down the river bank, dashing into the trees. ¡°Your flight through the woods ends here, empress of my heart.¡± Jocomo whispered, as he stepped from the shadows and folded her into a warm hug that smelt of old leather, forest herbs and man¡­ her man. ¡°These training exercises are getting out of hand¡­¡± She murmured quietly. ¡°I think I might have hurt that poor girl I stole this awful chopper from.¡± She dropped the weapon into the loamy forest soil with a sigh. ¡°Mary had a black eye and a bruise on her hip, nothing more.¡± He whispered to his wife, while she rooted around in his cloak to get warm. ¡°The healer says she will be right as rain in the morning, and is asleep from healing backlash at the moment.¡± ¡°And the other two?¡± She demanded, still suspicious of her mad northern barbarian brother¡¯s witchcraft, after all these years. ¡°These ¡®ghost whompers¡¯ stubbornly refuse to cause injury to the living¡­¡± He murmured happily. ¡°Beyond that stunning effect, on a mortal strike¡­ Yet they do horrible things to the undead, even the incorporeal wretches. We test them rigorously before they come near you, my empress, each and every time.¡± His earnest sincerity in the face of her own, self admitted silliness shamed her into a naughty little giggle, just for him. ¡°That¡¯s a point for you, Joco¡­ How ever will poor Gabbie come back from this deficit? It seems hopeless!¡± She cooed and giggled again, telling him that this week, she had decided that in their very friendly and very secret competition, he had already won the title. ¡°Well then, as you have acknowledged my skills, I¡¯ll begin my reign early¡­ as Monarch of the Bedroom!¡± He delivered a crisp and ringing swat to the imperial seat, followed by a gentle tushie squeeze that made her squawk of alarm become a warm sensual purr. ¡°I thought we were competing for Master of the Menu this week!¡± Her shameful and bald faced lie was certain to earn poor Gabbie a sexy forfeit or a pleasant penalty, the poor dear. Jocomo stilled his wide, happy grin; forcing himself back into character as the dour, dangerous Left Hand of the empress. ¡°Whisper candidates, form up.¡± He snapped quietly, confident that his trainees would hear him, wherever they might be. # Twenty nine cloaked figures slipped from the shadows and bowed¡­ just a simple bow, rather than the elaborate ritual of abasement and surrender, her courtiers had performed for generations uncounted. It still soured her stomach, when one of the old guard insisted on the traditional ways¡­ It reminded her of so many rituals at the feet of so many deceived and doomed child empresses, stretching back into history long forgotten. For untold generations, each empress was an infant girl, delivered to the triumvirate of clerics: War, Order and Craft, immediately after the prior empress¡¯ passing. She would rule unchallenged, guided by her triumvirate of clerics, until her twentieth feast of war, just before her legal majority on the feast of Secrets¡­ At that point, for some reason, one that no one ever bothered to consider or examine, let alone investigate; the empress and her entire household would perish in a very hush, hush ¡®tragedy¡¯... Which was quickly forgotten in the joyous tumult of the coronation of their convenient new infant monarch. Gabbie had broken that bitter cycle, escaped through some bold, piratical derring do and returned triumphant; to rip the literal heart out of a demonic cult that had ruled her empire from the shadows for literal centuries. Then she had begun the hard labor of reforging her empire, her husband and herself in the image she saw in her mad brother¡¯s dreams. Now Gabriella Rex, empress of Light was a woman fully grown, with good and loyal retainers to see her will carried out. She surveyed her latest crop of Whisper candidates and smiled. ¡°You all did very well¡­ Dame Spider will inform those who have been chosen for this month¡¯s class.¡± She spoke softly and earnestly, but still some of the young warriors flinched away from her gaze and visibly resisted the urge to hurl themselves to the dust. One young woman found the wherewithal to actually raise her hand awkwardly. ¡°Yes, first cadet Lillian?¡± Jocomo asked gently, taking a subtle cue from his empress. She stepped forward, a hesitant half pace and halted. ¡°Cadet Mary, the fourth seat¡­?¡± She asked in a desperate whisper. ¡°We know only that she did not fall into formation.¡± ¡°Mary is in the healer¡¯s tent, sleeping off a minor battering and a few bruises, first cadet. I will be making a note in your permanent record.¡± He murmured as he jotted in his notebook. ¡°Rely on the chain of command to inform you of what you need to know.¡± He finished tartly, as he closed his book with a crisp, self satisfied little pat. He watched behind hooded eyelids and a smug half smirk for a moment, wondering if she was made of the material he was looking for. ¡°Yes sir.¡± She answered, without wilting by a hair under his gaze. ¡°You and Mary, eh?¡± He asked with an uncouth wink, just outside of the empress¡¯ earshot. ¡°No sir.¡± She replied, still cooly tranquil¡­ on the surface. ¡°Fourth seat and seventh seat, are a couple sir¡­ But she¡¯s my sister, sir¡­ as is the seventeenth seat, Elvira and twenty fifth seat, Jamie¡­ The rest are my brothers, sir.¡± ¡°Yes, I will be making a note in your file, cadet. Fall back into formation.¡± His terrible notebook reappeared for a few long moments, before he tucked it back away with a satisfied smile. ¡°As always, these trials are state secrets. Say nothing to anyone of what has transpired here today, without prior imperial authorization. Cadets, dismissed.¡± # ¡°Dame Spider is going to like her new squire¡­ You mean, wicked man.¡± Gabbie sighed, as her six guardian Whispers slipped out of the shadows. ¡°Letting those poor children dangle on your strings all night long.¡± ¡°They were all excellent¡­ The only question is the girl you trampled flat and disarmed¡­ She hesitated.¡± He murmured, as isopod draped a cloak over the empress, to ward off the coming chill and mist. Scorpion passed over her swords with a deeper bow than Gabbie preferred; but she could overlook that in the moment¡­ ¡®Stubborn woman.¡¯ She thought, with just a little fierce pride for her intractable, dangerous and loyal guardians. ¡°We should really send over a feast and some chocolate for them to celebrate¡­¡± Gabbie trailed off, listening to a faint song on the breeze. ¡°Is that ¡®Mister Postman¡¯ I hear?¡± She asked, already beginning to bounce on her toes and smile. ¡°Joco, you drop those horrid needles this instant! You know what that song is, you naughty scamp.¡± The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°They¡¯re called senbon¡­¡± He grumbled sourly at his wife. Watching the little clay abomination in the form of a cute, pudgy, little white bird dip down from the sky, to perch on the empress¡¯ shoulder. Watching the awful thing whisper in her ear sent chills down his spine every time. He¡¯d nailed the filthy little buggers with a thrown senbon, a few times over the years; but the seven inch long, needle darts of forged steel never managed to bring one down. Jocomo had learnt to accept many things over the last few years¡­ The witchcraft though¡­ it still turned his bowels to water and sent his hands reaching for steel, whenever he felt that unclean aura, or its echoes in the witch¡¯s crafts. ¡®Yes,¡¯ He reflected silently. ¡®So many new things¡­¡¯ It was true, from Beastfolk walking the streets free and even owning property, to orphans standing tall, well fed and clothed, rather than cringing in rags, hoping and praying for the dubious blessing of fosterage with some lord, cleric, or merchant of highly variable morals and outlook. So many of his brothers and sisters¡­ mostly sisters¡­ had vanished into the upper quarters and noble villas over the years. Countless young children, plucked from the grinding labor, hunger, poverty and endless training of the orphanages and invariably, never seen again. Romantics liked to imagine fanciful tales of common children, elevated to great heights by good hearted, childless adoptive parents, or perhaps generous patrons¡­ Jocomo had been the empress¡¯ left hand since he was fifteen and had a solid understanding of just how vanishingly rare such an outcome truly was. He had spent a fair portion of the last fifteen years visiting silent justice on those who were beyond the justiciars¡¯ reach; justice long delayed, but still welcome¡­ Delivered to a list of well monied filth, whose appetites and entertainments were whispered of in the darkest corners of noble society. No few common rogues, bandits, assassins and criminals had fallen to his blades in his duties; they faded from his mind shortly after he washed up and filed his reports¡­ typically. Some memories are too important to forget; he remembered clearly, each of the ¡®special cases¡¯ his empress had granted him the privilege of handling¡­ and also, the only prey to ever elude his grasp. That brought Jocomo¡¯s mind back to the witch, Gary Ward and his despicable bird creation. It was currently perched on the point of Isopod¡¯s antenna, whistling and chirping as it hopped about, pretending to be a real and wholesome bird of flesh and feathers¡­ ¡°Wretched thing¡­¡± He grumbled, when it darted to Tarantula¡¯s outstretched finger with a merry chirp of joy. He sulked nearby and occasionally shot the thing with venomous glares that would have knocked it from its perch, were he a witch with the evil eye and uncanny magics, like the creature his wife was corresponding with¡­ by cute little magical birdie. He was still scowling at the tubby little thing as it whistled another measure of sweet, cheery music and flew away home, passing directly over Jocomo¡¯s head. Something landed on the surly warrior¡¯s head, as it passed over¡­ Furious, he reached up and wiped away a moist, fresh deposit. It was a small clot of clay, again. Another artfully sculpted bird poop in three noisome colors of enspelled earth, perfect in every detail besmirched his hair and hand¡­ It was even still warm. It suddenly moved, twitched and rolled itself into a ball on his palm, of its own volition; it quickly formed itself into a bright white egg, speckled with tiny dots of red, and perhaps some small markings, if he held it to the fading afternoon sun, just so... He stood there for a while, looking ever deeper into the compelling, fascinating¡­ Something so simple should have been unable to reveal the depth of craft involved, but it drew his eye closer, revealing a tangled mess of miniscule etchings, hidden among the crimson speckles on the shell. While he peered so closely at it, the exterior cracked and flaked away revealing a tiny, red crested, snowy white imperial crane, with her wings outstretched. The tiny thing was sculpted in perfect detail, with a complex bent steel pin of cunning craft on the back of the strange ornament. He stared in wonder at the mad, magical, inscrutable trinket, barely an inch and a half tall and shaped of clay, it felt as tough and hard as carved monster bone. ¡°I told you he likes you¡­ He gave you a magic birdie of your own!¡± Gabriella cooed happily, directly in Jocomo¡¯s ear. ¡°Best yet¡­ we¡¯re going visiting!¡± His eyebrows clashed together over the bridge of his nose at the thought of ¡®visiting¡¯ a mad wizard, possessed of unclean arts. ¡°Perhaps your red haired, barbarian smith will do me the mercy of taking my head, this time¡­¡± He grumbled dramatically. ¡°She was stingy only with her steel.¡± ¡°Joco, you be nice! As much trouble as you caused last time you had best be on your best behavior. No more demanding that they take your head.¡± Gabbie henpecked and scolded him mercilessly as they walked back to the carriage. ¡°I only met him briefly, but he seemed nice.¡± Scorpion agreed; eagerly joining forces with his wife, to ensure he, and all men in general, had a bad time¡­ as women always have and always will. # Becky followed Maple across the bridge and away from the haunted inn on the bluff, overlooking the sea. She sighed in relief, entering the garden took all her considerable willpower and she could never linger long. Just the thought of entering the house made her spine shake. At first, she had tried pruning the hedges and pulling weeds from her fallen brother¡¯s home between the worlds, but her efforts were literally useless. Any weed or stray limb she removed, evaporated and reappeared in its original location between eye blinks. They left that lurking, empty home behind as maple drew her to the hazy, foggy realms outside her little bubble of clarity. ¡°Stay close, my love¡­ there are many gods and spirits about. Their celebrations stir up potent energies¡­ the ether is turbulent this evening.¡± Maple whispered, in the sound of falling autumn leaves, audible only to Becky¡¯s ears. ¡°I learnt this trick from Amy¡­ She learnt it from a vampire of all creatures¡­¡± Becky smiled and remained silent, lest she draw an awkward and potent divine gaze. Maple gently guided her away from the golden, radiant figure of the goddess Dana, where she stood on the lawn, conversing with an assortment of radiant entities. Robed in shimmer golden cloth, bereft of any embellishments. A veil of black lace hid her luminous visage, signifying her continued mourning for War, Craft and Order. ¡°Yes, sweet Becky, all men knew that War was in desperate love with Dana, the Healer and that she could not abide his touch or presence.¡± Maple whispered silently though her vocal arts, while they passed another group of strolling divines and immortals, heading towards The golden goddess¡¯ coterie. ¡°Fewer know that she did deeply love him in return, and was tortured by the gulf that cruel fate put betwixt them. She is sorely tried by the loss of Order and Craft as well, but it¡¯s War for whom she truly grieves. For the lady of Light and Healing to be angry is already an aberration that is concerning many of us.¡± The venerable dryad shook her head sadly. ¡°To be angry with a mortal is incompatible with her essence¡­ And yet she hates your poor brother with such a furious passion.¡± ¡°Ohh, yeah, best we steer clear of her.¡± She muttered once they were a good distance away from the goddess and her divine hangers on. ¡°That¡¯s a meeting I¡¯d rather put off as long as possible.¡± Becky¡¯s mind drifted back to those chaotic, frenetic days and nights. Cults, secrets and Secrets, demons, outsiders, occult Contacts and long forgotten magics had come together in the shape of a man, one summer morning. A large, goofy, half mad musician and craftsman who¡¯d turned her world and the rest of the world on its head, with a smile and a few silly songs. That single fraught, terrific and terrible year had culminated in her new brother¡¯s death at the hands of three major gods of the pantheon. War, Order and Craft had conspired with a great lady of the fae for their own dark purposes. In a fiery and radiant display of spiritual pyrotechnics, fragments of her shattered brother had rained down on the world from the haunted moon that was among his oddest aspects. From those sparkling shards, her nephews had appeared, fractions of her foolish friend, incarnated in their own lives, living as their own people¡­ More alike than any twins could be, Barry, Larry, Perry and Harry were all his very image in look, voice and manner. Yet they were as distinctly different as any four brothers could be. Without explanation, War, Order and Craft, along with one of the great ladies of the fae and an entire race of hideous aberrations known only as ¡®Hollow Ones¡¯ had vanished from the immortal realm where they dwelt that night. They were presumed dead, somehow. Some incomprehensible force had manifested in that affable, deeply strange musician. The occult alchemy of a mortal soul, worked and reforged by many divine hands, often working at cross purposes had sparked something unheard of¡­ A mortal whose touch was deadly to the undying. Those gods, spirits and entities winked simply from the ether in a single instant, along with a small host of lesser entities who had abetted the plotters in their mysterious goals. Nearly two score immortals and every Hollow One in the wide multiverse disappeared and were presumably¡­ slain¡­ By her dying brother in his last paroxysm of rage. Now her brother walked the world again; diminished and broken, but once more alive, through the intercession of other divines. Beast and his handmaidens, the dryads had worked their own plot, to return her poor brother to his family; which only increased Healer¡¯s already incompatible rage and fury. That would make interaction with the goddess of healing really awkward, socially. ¡°Your uncle has become adept at avoiding her, in his ongoing efforts to draw her closer to the mortal world. This place and its entertainments are a potent lure.¡± The dryad sighed happily, as they walked past the waterslides, scattered hotspring pools, warm, sandy dunes and lush gardens. Eponna¡¯s wildly colored and decorated herd of tiny ponies frisked and frolicked around the plains, meadows and open forests, or flew through the skies, if they were possessed of wings. Brilliantly chromatic, jeweled butterflies, dragonflies, moths and hummingbirds flew among the shining gem bees in golden amber or black obsidian that were everywhere; all busily tending the blossoms all around, engaging much as real insects would. Spiders of every description dangled, leapt, lurked in their shimmering, dew spangled webs or drifted in the sky on gossamer ¡®chutes of spun light. Unlike the other insects, these had every appearance of living beings, no matter how exotic or fanciful their shapes and coloration. Many of the spiders waved cheerily at her as she strolled with Maple, through a busy, but not crowded festival of immortals. ¡°So this is a divine birthday party?¡± Becky asked quietly, when they finally slipped into the shade of the dryads¡¯ forest. Under the boughs; one of every tree of the ancient dryad clan was present in the vast, well maintained woodland park. It covered half of the spinning semi-real orb of the Madman¡¯s moon, draped in moss, cool shadows and well manicured vegetation. Perhaps even greater than the variety of trees, were the herbs, bushes, vines, mosses and fungi growing in the well spaced and elegant forest of childhood fancy. Songbirds sang from the boughs, as Eponna¡¯s ponies and a number of less urbane entities lounged, chatted or bathed in crystal pools and rushing streams. Dryads in their highly varied insectile forms perched all around, speaking in excited tones of whispering leaves and insect song of their new sister. Mariah had just emerged today and was already planted on many worlds, her tender clones watched over by zealous guardian beasts and sentient fragments of the multifarious beings at the party. ¡°Ladies¡­¡± Marduk spoke cooly and with a self-deprecating lilt of urbane delight in his voice, as he strolled over; arm in arm with Eponna herself, in human form. He reached up, as she bent down, that the god of man¡¯s gathered Knowledge might kiss his much taller lover. She folded him into a brief, smothering embrace, before darting off to rejoin the festivities with her herd. The goddess of equines, swiftness in motion and the rushing joy of running cantered off, in the form of a tall, beautiful roan horse¡­ whose mane and tail were drifting clouds of star spangled night sky and shining nebulae. A small, pale human boy stood there in his robes of gold banded white, nervously playing with his divine ringlets of gleaming golden blonde hair and glancing at Becky from behind his ridiculous eyelashes¡­ ¡°Come on Duckie, bring it in.¡± The high priestess whispered to her deity and friend, her arms held wide for an embrace. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s been so long!¡± He gasped, lost in the arms of his mortal friend. ¡°Th¡­ Thirp is busy wrangling her divine aspects¡­¡± Marduk gasped and stuttered, his face lost between her modest bosoms while he worked through some emotions that immortals don¡¯t usually have to deal with. ¡°Her cult is so widely varied and new that she is having a little trouble keeping it together, with so many divines here at once.¡± He took a few deep, calming breaths, relishing the familiar scent of his cult¡¯s pontiff. She was so warm and animal, under the perfume of spring flowers and honeyed strawberry toast. She and her kin always carried that aroma on their flesh, whatever else they might smell of. Duckie sighed at last, mastering his wayward feels and getting a grip on himself. He gently extracted himself from her embrace and took her hand to stroll and talk, as old friends will. ¡°The rest of the pantheon have been proper snobs these last few years¡­¡± He complained softly. ¡°There¡¯s a rumor that somehow, immortals are still dying, down there, even though our boy is¡­ well, you know.¡± ¡°Really? I hadn¡¯t heard¡­¡± She whispered urgently. ¡°Has he been sneaking out and¡­? No, impossible!¡± She answered herself sharply, as if to scold a pupil for asking a dumb question. ¡°Magically speaking, he can¡¯t do more than craft minor trinkets, and even that exhausts him for days afterward. His body is in good condition but¡­¡± She shook her head sadly. ¡°No chance.¡± Marduk shrugged and smiled in a way that suggested he knew far more than she suspected. ¡°For the former god of Secrets, you have a shitty poker face, Ducks.¡± She sighed fondly at the smirking divine, while Maple giggled to herself, perched on a mossy boulder. ¡°Not even you can know this secret yet, my dear¡­ But perhaps soon, all will be revealed.¡± His naughty smirk drifted away like fog, burning off under a bright morning sun. ¡°What we really need to talk about is the upcoming midsummer feast. They manifested as two year old children, while they spun new bodies for themselves from magic and soul stuff. Fifteen years old is a major milestone for the younger Wards¡­ For all of them. Have they considered their possible Contracts, or discussed the matter with you?¡± He asked, just a little greedily. ¡°No dice, buddy. You can negotiate with them for yourself¡­ But only Harry seems the studious type.¡± She smiled sadly at her god and shook her head. ¡°None of them is really him¡­ They can¡¯t be substitutes for Gary, right, pal? We¡¯ve talked about this several times¡­¡± ¡°I know¡­ I want Him back!¡± Marduk hissed, almost furious with restrained frustration and angst. ¡°The way Beast slipped him back into the world was pretty sneaky and weird. Beast operates across multiple realities, dimensions and¡­¡± Ducky fell silent for a moment, trying to find a mortal angle on an immortal issue. ¡°He¡¯s a lot, and thus can get away with ignoring some local laws. Gary¡¯s new body is turning fifteen on Midsummer¡­ He can Contract again that day.¡± He snapped, just a little peevishly. ¡°I want him back!¡± The god of Knowledge grumbled sourly, while his priestess stared in open mouthed confusion. ¡°That¡¯s it, he¡¯s just under ranked and too young to Contract?¡± She asked gently. ¡°Did Beast¡¯s weird resurrection reset his birthdate?¡± ¡°It was a reincarnation, not a resurrection, but a strange one; despite appearances, he has been desperately struggling, growing and developing over the last few years. That stress is the source of his sudden bouts of weakness and illnesses; as his new body strains to accommodate his more competent and mature soul and mind. Only now is he becoming eligible to form Contracts, now we can fill in his missing gifts. Please explain this to Shai very carefully, Becky¡­ Technically, she has been married to a child for some time.¡± ¡°So, he was technically a newborn baby¡­ and is only now approaching adulthood?¡± A tiny light of wicked glee sparked in the priestess¡¯ dark eyes, as she considered this information. ¡°Becky¡­ Some things will only be hilarious many years down the line¡­¡± Maple interrupted the smiling duo, gently. ¡°This cultivar will be long in blossoming and longer to bear fruit¡­ But what a sweet wine it will ferment into!¡± She locked her many faceted eyes on the immortal and mortal clowns she was watching over. ¡°But only in its proper time.¡± ¡°Good point, Sugarleaf.¡± Becky sighed at last. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to let Shai figure that part out for herself¡­¡± # Ch: 21 Long Memories And Bitter Grudges Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 21 Long Memories And Bitter Grudges Count Liam, his two life guards from the ducal warband, the Red Ascots, and four giddy, excited teenagers came tumbling into the garden in a mob. They clattered, banged around, shouted and laughed while heading for the baths, in a tumult of noise and activity. Within minutes, the whole team¡¯s armor and gear was carefully racked up, while their baggage was carelessly stacked up; beside the entrance to the changing room. Count Liam emerged into the garden, freshly dressed in common workman¡¯s clothing of fine cut and cloth, but otherwise unremarkable stuff. He joined Gary in the task of sorting out and stowing the gear with an amused sigh. ¡°The first year I knew you, I never saw you pack, unpack, search for anything or fetch anything¡­ It was all right there, every time, ready to hand in your¡­ Pockets!...¡± His mad friend looked up from his task and grinned wearily, before getting back to sorting filthy laundry. It was a big job, four teenage boys can dirty a lot of clothes, even if only on an overnight hunting trip. ¡°Thanks for getting the pronunciation right!¡± The fool chuckled as he worked to untangle a knot of socks and undershorts without touching them. His non dimensional storage gift, Pockets!, allowed him to stow objects in a space between worlds, tucked in a fold of reality until needed. Such gifts were rare, but not innately strange, save that the mad boy forever insisted that the name be said with the happy and excited inflection of a person who had put on a favorite old coat and found a stash of forgotten money in the¡­ Pockets!. Liam smiled again at his silly brother, a bond of friendship far beyond the sibling kinship all orphans claimed with each other. Gary worked on, carefully unfolding and re packing the boys¡¯ tents and bedrolls heedless of his brother¡¯s gaze. Since falling to this world, lost, confused and alone, his gifts had been Gary¡¯s constant companions, welded onto his soul by heedless deities and fae, in their mad experiments and plots. Natives of this world were born with six primary attributes: Might, Will, Resilience, Agility, Mind and Animus¡­ Attached to the most relevant attribute and touching all the others to a greater or lesser degree, each person received six primary gifts. Every being¡¯s gifts were natural expressions of the individual¡¯s soul and nature, and expressed in different ways, depending on the individual. Those gifts remained mundane talents, sometimes startling in their depth and scope, but always simply mortal abilities; until the person formed a Contract with a divine, spiritual or etheric entity¡­ Or until bound to a magical construct of human arts and craft created for the purpose of forming a Contract with a mortal soul. Such Contract artifacts were vanishingly rare; the art of their creation lost in the mists of ancient history. One sunny, early summer day, the mad fellow had landed alone and naked in the outlands of a dusty, backwater domain, remarkable only for agriculture and for her truly excellent mercenary warbands for hire. Poor Gary spoke little of his first days on his strange new home, and even less of stumbling on a slowly cooling dead man, seated in a lonely cabin far from any other habitation. The mad wizard Zygnos Matteus had foreseen, through his occult crafts, that a wanderer from another world would be arriving, just as his own life wound to a natural close. For reasons none could guess, the dying wizard had bequeathed his material goods to a man he would never meet, on the conditions that he bury the old man¡¯s body decently, and deliver a manuscript to a colleague in the nearby city of Wheatford. Gary wandered into town hungry, ill clothed in a very small old man¡¯s bizarre garments and into a tangled mess of laws, schemes, plots and deceptions already long underway. Schemes originated and perpetrated by forces mortal, immortal, divine and abhorrent¡­ Gary found himself suddenly declared a child until his twentieth birthday, under the local law and was swiftly shuttled into an orphanage, to live and work until his majority. The young musician and artisan was clueless, an orphan without connections and an obvious foreigner, lost and alone in a land where travel was fraught by bandits, monsters and far worse perils. Local law declared that all orphans, on the day they attained their majority at twenty, should be Contracted to gods of their caretaker¡¯s choosing and sold into indenture for five years, to be a slave¡­ Whether fated to be a soldier or house servant to a noble lord or wealthy merchant, slavery was the fate of all orphans. The law demanded that they first be bound at the soul to a god or gods of another¡¯s choice, then sent to the auction block, to serve their new master¡¯s will for five years. Should they survive the full term of indenture, they would be freed, politically¡­ Magical soul Contracts with entities beyond mortal ken, were seldom easy to dissolve, often impossible. Count Liam sighed again as he worked and pondered, considering the path his life might have taken, but for this silly goof, with his strange songs and foolish antics. Liam too was an orphan, bound to serve and likely die a slave soldier in a rich man¡¯s warband for hire. Liam had been doomed to live that short, brutish, loveless, lonely life; shackled by a divine Contract, binding his soul to the god War. His father, a minor noble and a priest of that hard, unyielding god had forged that bond, while the lad was barely five years old; contorting and twisting Liam¡¯s soul into the design his father and the god envisioned for him, despite his love and devotion to the goddess of Healing, even as a tiny lad. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. When his father perished, fighting some unnamed beast, to the orphanage Liam went, to endure and await his fate, certain of the course laid before him, unswerving and grim¡­ Until his mad brother had swept down from the hills like a slow moving storm, to drown the world in strange new things. Gary had walked the world for one long year, scattering chaos, destruction and joy in his wake, upending settled traditions and drawing even the gods into his deranged and inscrutable machinations. Now, count Liam Kinnis, was lord of county Kinnis, working to restore the long lost domain of his forefathers, rebuilding the ruined city from tumbled foundations and overgrown streets. Foresthome, the city had been called, the shady and welcoming seat of his ancestors once overlooked vast forested hills, rich croplands and bustling trade. His homeland had been a small city of perhaps forty thousand souls, surrounded by villages and hamlets of farmers, foresters and herders, on the edge of human lands. All that vanished in an eyeblink, consumed in a tide of undead, monstrous and demonic filth in a single long forgotten night, hundreds of years before. For all those long years since that night, a wretched, immortal, undead demonic obscenity squatted in the empty ruins, waiting, lurking and plotting; craving mortal souls and flesh for her cruel amusements. Together, a band of young Adventurers had expunged that loathsome thing, shattering her works and even slaying the creature at the end, a feat known to be absolutely impossible¡­ by both mortals and gods. Immortals or demons could not be slain, only driven away, banished from physical reality for a time, at great cost. They could and would return eventually, once conditions were right; by coaxing, tempting or bargaining mortal agents into opening the door to allow them to return. Once allowed in, they were invariably ravenous for vengeance against the descendants of those who had banished them, no matter how long ago the affront may have occurred. Actually slaying an immortal was impossible, undoubtedly and certainly¡­ Every god, spirit and demon knew that with absolute surety. It had never happened, nor would it ever happen, such a thing was not even a vague fear or consideration for those who were eternal. Impossible. Impossible was just a word to the mad musician that had upended Liam¡¯s life, and who was currently upending a satchel of camp cooking gear. Pots, pans, cups, plates and cutlery tumbled out onto the soft green lawn, all quite dirty and packed away with food bits still stuck to the wares. ¡°My kids have some bad habits, bro.¡± Gary sighed sadly, as he glared at the crusty cookware. ¡°I get it, they grew up never washing dishes¡­ but that¡¯s not real life.¡± He sighed again, weary to the bone. ¡°We¡¯ll work that out of them soon enough, once they start Adventuring.¡± The smaller man soothed his brother with soft words. ¡°Things are moving quickly, and you know how you get when you feel powerless, Gary.¡± ¡°I am powerless.¡± He mumbled as he worked, scraping crud from a cookpot with a sour expression on his face. ¡°I can¡¯t use most of my gifts for anything. Just sneaking into your house nearly killed me, forget about anything really fun.¡± ¡°Gary¡­¡± Liam whispered, running his hands through his spiky, jet black hair in frustration. ¡°You ensorceled and befuddled the minds of my entire household, including my copper ranked stealth specialist; crept into my chambers and took a nap on my bed, while Tawny and I were eating breakfast¡­ in our chambers.¡± He said dryly and with some heat. ¡°I myself, am no tyro, and my familiar is a guardian few would challenge¡­ We never even sensed your approach.¡± ¡°Well, maybe you are getting sloppy¡­ and your guards suck.¡± He continued working with a sour look on his face, an alien expression on the usually cheery fellow. ¡°When I try to do anything important, I just run out of everything and pass out immediately.¡± ¡°You mean making people, spirits and monsters engage in elaborate song and dance performances against their will?¡± The count asked gently. The big man sank down onto the lawn, beside the dirty dishes and grumbled something incomprehensible. ¡°How ya gonna do it if you really don¡¯ wanna dance? Getcha back up off the wall¡­¡± Some mad gibberish was normal for him, but Liam misliked the man¡¯s mood. ¡°Don¡¯t crawl up your own ass and hang out there, brother. We have better scenery to look out over.¡± He answered softly, gesturing to the deep, calm lake and the hills rising above, encompassing the waterfall tumbling down into the river behind the lovely country inn. Foresthome stood on the hillside, looking out over the fertile valley bottom beyond and the Ward family inn, beside the lake. Toward the walled city, white plastered houses now stood, where scattered stones and woodlands had been, when last the inn stood near here. The once overgrown roads were clear and level, lined with neatly tended gardens and small orchards here and there. The lands were slowly taking shape, after untold centuries lost to monsters, demons and the abhorrent walking dead. The land no longer choked and gagged on the misery and horror of a potent demonic presence; all trace of the entity¡¯s aura had been cleansed and the county was steadily being re-peopled by immigrants of every kith and kin. Several beaver and otter smallholds ringed the huge lake, their distinctive, rounded homes on the waterside looking snug and cozy in the late morning sunshine. ¡°Get out and meet some people, work your mortal arts and crafts, be a husband and father¡­ Forget the pantheon, let my wife¡¯s goddess be angry and sulky.¡± He smiled slyly at his big, moody friend. ¡°We still haven¡¯t explored and cataloged all the flora and fauna around here¡­ Shai said she might take you fishing, if you can be good.¡± ¡°Ooh?¡± He asked, sounding more than a little interested. ¡°What¡¯s the catch? You have some job or quest?¡± He demanded a moment later, his eyes narrowed slightly with a hint of ugly suspicion. ¡°Gary, I¡¯m a count now, but I¡¯m still your brother. You are welcome in my home and lands, just as you made me welcome in your home, before all this.¡± The young warrior lord whispered to the commoner sprawled on the lawn. ¡°No catch, no jobs, no quest¡­ just one rule.¡± Liam sighed sadly. ¡°Don¡¯t summon anything¡­ evil or unpleasant in my domain without my permission. Otherwise¡­ go make things a little less ordinary around here.¡± ¡°Really?¡± He asked in a voice so unlike his usual lilting and faintly musical tones. ¡°I was sure Tawny was going to rip me a new one, because of what I did to that slaver¡­¡± He murmured sadly. ¡°She understands better than most, and she¡¯s gotten better at standing up to her deity, after so much practice.¡± Liam smiled at the memory of his fearsome, tiny, beautiful wife often cowing and scolding his giant brother with a golden finger wag and a frown of displeasure hiding her dimples. ¡°She is and always will be on your side, brother¡­ even if her goddess can be a pain.¡± ¡°The pantheon never forgets or forgives, so everything I do just pisses them off more.¡± He sighed. ¡°I should just accept that I¡¯m a heretic and an infidel¡­ I could lean into that.¡± He was still complaining, when he squatted by the waterside and began scrubbing the pots and dishes from his sons¡¯ knapsacks with a handful of soft lake sand. ¡°Gary¡­?¡± Liam asked gently, from behind the dishwashing weirdo. ¡°Why don¡¯t you do that inside? In the sink?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t¡­¡± The big man answered sullenly, without turning around or pausing his work. ¡°I didn¡¯t make these, so if I wash them in the water from the house, they¡¯ll rust away to nothing in my hands. For the last year, I¡¯m having more and more trouble maintaining control of some of my less¡­ socially acceptable gifts.¡± ¡°Are you going to start¡­ Haunting, again?¡± The count asked with a hint of worry in his voice, with a keen eye on his brother¡¯s often unpredictable shadow. ¡°Maybe a little? Most of my best tools and instruments are iron or copper ranked, so I can¡¯t use ¡®em¡­ I can¡¯t enchant anything either, not without Shai doing most of the work I feel hollowed out and brittle, Liam.¡± He stuffed the wet gear back in its bag and stood, ambling toward his house with a listless gait. ¡°Maybe you¡¯re right, I¡¯ll forget the gods, nobles and guilds¡­ for now.¡± He turned around, with a wet sack of goods over his shoulder and smiled at the much smaller lord. ¡°If only they would forget me¡­¡± # Ch: 22 A Honey Bee’s Sting Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 22 A Honey Bee¡¯s Sting Westfall island turned out en masse to watch the little ship sail away, carrying off her cargo of crafty weirdos and lunatic merchants. The trading post was gone, leaving the mangrove ringed island of suddenly very stable and fertile soil behind. Goody Laupin and her husband sat on Westfall pier, their long ears draped over each other¡¯s shoulders, an embrace few could experience¡­ Wearing a lover¡¯s ears as a shawl and sharing that intimacy was even sweeter on a cool morning, when spring and summer were brushing shoulders. Master Laupin held an elaborately sealed scroll tube in his calloused carpenter¡¯s hand, as he watched Moonrise sail off with the strange warship in tow. ¡°They named it Laupin Island, the baroness gave me the deed right after they cast off¡­¡± He whispered into his beloved¡¯s warm pink ear. ¡°Why?¡± She asked very softly, too busy savoring the moment to get excited. ¡°It was your community oven project¡­¡± He whispered, with a kiss and a nibble. ¡°We¡¯ll put a house on the shore, there, and a big garden¡­ lots of mouths to feed, with all these new bunnies on the way.¡± ¡°Really? Who¡¯s pregnant?¡± She asked with a knowing wink at her incorrigible man. ¡°I¡¯m going to get a son out of you yet, woman!¡± He grumbled, while nestling in closer. ¡°See if I don¡¯t!¡± # Leafchaser and Jeskin watched the kids sail off, waving from the dockside with the rest, before setting off, hand in hand to the Adventure compound in the city, to register. ¡°When we see them again¡­¡± Jeskin rumbled happily, in the throaty growl he used when super excited and agitated. He was feeling unfriendly eyes on them as they walked. ¡°We¡¯ll be ready.¡± She purred warmly, her tail wrapped around his, as they strolled along, heedless of the frequent unwelcoming stares they received from the townies. ¡°Screw those losers. We¡¯re gonna be Adventurers, Ruffstuff. We¡¯re living in a freakin¡¯ world of magic and wonders!¡± # The whole crew skittered and clambered all over the small blue trade vessel, desperately searching for a missing member. Moonrise sat on a sea anchor, her helm lashed, and unmanned, as even the captain and mate scurried about. ¡°Wilf?¡± Amy called into the ballast hold, a seldom visited space on even so tidy a ship as the Ward family yacht. No one was there¡­ It had been a slim hope anyway. ¡°He can¡¯t have gone overboard¡­ Did we leave him on the island?¡± Becky wondered in slowly growing, chilling dread when she resumed her station at the helm. ¡°Who¡¯d we leave behind?¡± Wilf asked, from the rail of the warship, a dozen yards behind, faithfully following after on her tow line. ¡°Damnit, boy!¡± Tallum grumbled and fussed from the aft rope locker, as he struggled his way up, through the hatch. The giant barely fit in, and getting out was proving more troublesome. ¡°What are you doing over there?¡± ¡°Uhh¡­?¡± Wilf mumbled in slight embarrassment. ¡°Not squeezing in, two to a bunk and living in a floating fart bottle?¡± He smiled again. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of people, packed into not much boat, over there.¡± Wilf had found the ship¡¯s carpenter¡¯s quarters on the unnamed warship and moved himself in, without saying anything to anyone. The burly, soft spoken lad shrugged and smiled weakly. ¡°There¡¯s a workbench and a few tools here too, I have some projects in mind¡­¡± ¡°My darn brother¡­¡± Amy grumbled and huffed, even as she was walking the narrow, tow line bridge, Rio following right behind her. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you picked a room, all sneaky like that¡­¡± She grumbled. Frankie, Maya and Benny looked at eachother and scratched their heads. ¡°Why didn¡¯t we bunk on her? I never really thought about that¡­¡± Frank wondered aloud. ¡°Floating fart bottle...¡± Benny chuckled to himself, while Maya elbowed him in the ribs with a grin on her face. ¡°Cause we still remember what it looked¡­ and smelled like, when we took her.¡± She offered with a shrug. ¡°Good point.¡± Frank sighed happily at the thought of having a room of his own for the rest of the voyage. He was going to enjoy this trip; mysterious farty smell lingering on Moonrise, or no. ¡°What¡¯s for lunch?¡± Tallum asked his petite blonde wife, once things were settled down. ¡°I¡¯m hungry.¡± ¡°Bean soup with salted wallowbear, biscuits and pickled vegetables!¡± Ivy sang up from the galley. ¡°Ok, I¡¯m going to the other boat too¡­¡± Frank announced, with Maya and Benny falling in behind him. ¡°We¡¯ll get our gear at dinner.¡± # Each crewmember wore at least one bronze cuff in their ear; with the Wards and Frankie wearing two. The ornaments were shaped in sweeping curls to gently but securely cling to the wearer¡¯s earlobe, in order to slowly, but constantly siphon away their Mana and Stamina, so long as they remained within a quarter mile of the ship. Sculpted in a form that evoked rushing waters and sweeping winds across the sea, the jewelry fed those energies into a hungry bronze and silver construct of arcane and eldritch craft, deep in the bowels of Moonrise. The mysterious ¡®engine¡¯ made no sound, produced no vibrations or visible effect when in use, beyond a subtle glow in the water in her wake, only visible on the darkest of nights. While she was under way, anyone other than Gary, Tallum or Wilf, when entering the ¡®engine room¡¯ would feel an almost irresistible urge to be elsewhere, anywhere else¡­ Please and thank you very much. The uncomfortable sensation of alien watching eyes and a wrenching, twisting sensation all over the visitors¡¯ skin tended to stifle most peoples¡¯ curiosity. Gary and Tallum were always highly evasive, when questioned as to exactly how the ship moved, without a Water or Wind user aboard. Wilf took a different tactic when interrogated about the strange little ship. He would lecture exhaustively and breathlessly, delving deep into the underlying arcane and occult theories behind ¡®hydrogen excitement¡¯ and ¡®magi-netic energy induction warp fields¡¯. ¡°...so in effect, the propulsion is a side effect, a waste product of the etheric torsion and traction, or ¡®warp¡¯ field we use to suspend this small crystal of dilithium, in an unfixed metaphysical state and a stable relative position to Moonrise¡¯s keel.¡± He would gasp excitedly. ¡°We call it a warp drive to make things easier¡­ But really, it uses the surface tension of the etheric veil¡­¡± By the time he got to that point, even the most ardent boating enthusiasts were long gone or bored to the point of insensibility. The unnamed warship cut Moonrise¡¯s lambent green wake like a keen blade, her own former glow no longer evident. They had long since scrubbed and scoured away the magical algae and seaweeds responsible for the effect, leaving a clean ship with fresh sails and rigging purchased and installed while they were anchored. Those sails were stowed away, as both vessels surged against the waves under occult power, provided by the little family of weirdos, whose Mana and Stamina recovery rates were abnormal, almost¡­ monstrous. With a full crew and a fair wind, the miniature flotilla arrived off ¡®Shitshow island¡¯ after a day and a half; sailing through the watches of the night, under the light of the moons. They cruised in and anchored in the snug harbor, while the Ward kids, Frankie and Becky ran ashore in MissAdventure, Amy¡¯s tiny skiff. In two quick trips, they assemble on the shore near their former encampment and the small hillock of picked clean, sand and sun scoured carapace; the mortal remains of Stormcrab. Their mobile village of ephemeral cottages reappeared, to the theme of ¡®Giligan¡¯s island¡¯. This time, with the addition of Frankie¡¯s little stone farmhouse and Becky¡¯s two story tall, cozy ¡®Victorian¡¯, painted in shades of lilac and lavender. ¡°We haven¡¯t had this many of us together for a while¡­¡± Frankie gasped, as he sank to a garden bench under a towering maple tree that was wildly out of place on the sandy shore. ¡°Frankie¡­ have you been slacking on your Mana cultivation?¡± Maple asked, as she clambered down from the tree, in her stick insect form. ¡°I¡¯ll tell Willow on you, boy!¡± The gasping, exhausted lad hung his head and moaned piteously. ¡°It¡¯s hard to keep up when I¡¯m at home¡­¡± He complained and whined. ¡°Morning and evening milkings, working in the creamery and the cheese house¡­¡± ¡°Excuses are a poor substitute for diligence and practice.¡± The dryad scolded her young friend. ¡°You will never be able to manifest your little house without the others¡¯ help, if you don¡¯t work at it.¡± Her scolding was only audible and understandable to the Wards and Frankie, the others carried on with the work of setting up ¡®camp¡¯ while the giant bug took the young Adventurer to task. They were long accustomed to far stranger sights than a young warrior making feeble excuses to a stick insect two feet long, who silently danced and fluttered her limbs at him, in a manner that suggested almost maternal disappointment. ¡°Solange and Willow will both no doubt be joining the family for midsummer feast¡­ It would be splendid if you were farther along.¡± She cooed softly at the embarrassed young man. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. The Wards watched the interplay from a discreet distance, too far to listen in on the pair, as the ancient dryad gently scolded poor Frankie at length. ¡°At least the citrus sisters aren¡¯t here¡­¡± Rio murmured quietly, as he went through his little adobe ranch house; dusting, tuning and cleaning what remained of his instrument collection, after Stormcrab¡¯s brief and unwelcome visit. With pleasure he caressed the new skins Wilf had stretched onto the drums they¡¯d bought in Centre Port, sighing at the loss of his banjo and guitar. The common, mundane instruments had been utterly destroyed on their last visit to the island; crushed in the monster¡¯s ravenous quest for anything edible, a broad and varied category, when one is several tons of lightning wreathed, shelled horror. ¡°Lemon and orange are both very nice¡­¡± Wilf murmured in his low, quiet voice, from behind a silly smile. ¡°Lime is just a little tart, at times.¡± ¡°Shut up Wilf.¡± Rio sighed fondly at his big, goofy brother. ¡°Come on¡­¡± Wilf sighed happily, with a huge bone saw and an ax in his hands, dressed in worn and stained work clothes that looked ready for the rag bin. ¡°Let¡¯s see what we can harvest from that shell, get changed.¡± The boys spent a few quiet hours before sundown hacking, sawing, stacking and scraping the creature¡¯s remains, collecting a huge pile of chitin slabs and plates. Finally, deep inside the still meaty and disgusting hillock of sea creature, Wilf let out a wild yell of excitement, mingled with disgust. ¡°Are you ok in there?¡± Rio called, from his position near the shattered, ragged rift in the awful shell where its ¡®face¡¯ had been. ¡°Yeah, err¡­ no¡­ there¡¯s a lot of¡­ critters still in here.¡± He called from deep within, accompanied by a cacophony of wet, sloshing sounds. ¡°It¡¯s pretty gross, stand clear!¡± Rio heeded his brother¡¯s warning and ducked aside, just in time to avoid a nasty horde of vermin. Dozens of dire maggots and giant sand fleas poured from the fissure in a disgusting swarm, scattering across the sand like a reeking flood; Wilf following after, kicking and stomping at the vile things. A few dire flies buzzed and bumbled loudly, struggling to take flight, so stuffed full of mostly rotten crab goop that they were barely able to crawl across the sand. Maya stifled a scream of revulsion, releasing only a guttural: ¡°Oh¡­ Gross!¡± As she began flinging slender needles and darts into the mass of crawling, hopping, wiggling vermin. She reaped a terrible harvest of the nasty beasts with her flying weapons. These were primitive needles of carved bamboo, tipped with a tiny flake of obsidian, secured with monster gut cord and ending in a tuft of monster hair to help them fly true. Disposable weapons were the best choice at times like these. She¡¯d learnt that lesson after the ghost pirate action. Fishing her favorite senbon of tempered steel from the oozing remains, one after another was a memory she was still hoping to forget, someday. Frankie joined in the battle, strains of music lifting her innate dread and horror at the slimy, crawling swarm. Her beloved¡¯s music cleansed away her distress, replacing it with the calm elation of battle¡­ Even one as sad and gross as this. His instrument sang so much sweeter and higher than her long, iron staff flute, ¡®The Monkey Princess Staff¡¯. Not that she would wield it against these filthy, splattery things¡­ Carved of golden wood and set with silver and bronze, Frankie¡¯s instrument always seemed to whisper, shine and sigh with happiness when in his hands, even before bringing it to his lips. Dryad Song, unique flute. Only a druid may play or Contract this instrument. This instrument has chosen its master. All details occult. Within a few notes, the battle was joined by a scuttling army of coconut crabs, swarming in from the jungle above the high tide line. The clattering, armored reinforcements attacked in ranks, marching with military precision as they scuttled to war. Their front line snipped, bashed and surged into the wriggling swarm, driving the maggots and flies toward the low wavelets of the cove, where a horde of stone, rock and green crabs waited at the waterline, looking hungry and pinchy. Lobsters lurked on the periphery of the aquatic forces, ready to chase down any strays, while gulls and sandpipers patrolled the beach, ruthlessly taking the toad-sized sand fleas that hopped and skittered across the shore. Maya halted her stream of thrown darts as the locals got to work. Her long iron instrument¡¯s breathy, low tones joined Frank¡¯s sweet music, bringing depth to the magic and giving him more control over his animal allies. In less than ten minutes, the army, navy and air forces of the island withdrew, well fed and feeling sleepy as night closed in. The two filthy Ward boys bathed in the sea¡­ twice, then in the freshwater pool near the lagoon before Amy would let them into the hotspring baths. Their clothes she had burnt, and the ashes scattered in the jungle, while whispering prayers of cleansing to her many divine friends. Maya oversaw the baths and rituals with a jaundiced and unhappy gaze, still deeply upset by the last few days of icky, wriggling, insectile and undead nastiness. ¡°If this is the kind of Adventurers we¡¯re going to be¡­¡± She grumbled sourly at the team, as they gathered in the common room with their elders after dinner. ¡°Now darling¡­¡± Frankie soothed her softly, over the lovely peach and mango cobbler Ivy brought out for a late dessert. ¡°This trip has been a little gross and nasty, but I¡¯m sure it¡¯s not always bug guts and vile beasties¡­¡± ¡°Nope¡­ this is the life; we¡¯re always either fighting for our lives against unknowable nightmares from beyond, or stomping nasty, stinky vermin flat.¡± Becky sighed happily, while passing out plates of steaming, gooey, biscuit topped deliciousness. ¡°That¡¯s where guys like Wilf and Rio shine.¡± Ivy agreed, while the boys were distracted, chowing down like they were starving dogs. ¡°They grew up elbows deep in monster guts, learning from their papa; the master of turning disgusting trash into wonders.¡± ¡°Hey¡­¡± Rio complained light-heartedly, from across the table. ¡°S¡¯honest work, pays good too!¡± He brandished his spoon, wielding it to fend off an army of imaginary foes. ¡°Somebody¡¯s gotta do it.¡± ¡°And what in the world could be worth wading through that¡­¡± Maya paled a little and paused for a heartbeat, before she could go on. ¡°That stuff?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll show everybody soon...¡± Wilf answered soberly; but he had a crooked, slightly crazed smile on his face, reminding them eerily of his papa. # Everyone in the duchy had heard of Shai¡¯s Forge and Foundry, though few believed the stories of those who had shopped there or commissioned a work of craft from the shop. After nearly two busy weeks, the locals had given up and just accepted the giant red haired smith woman¡¯s claims and works at face value¡­ Mostly. ¡°Aye, we will hae yer wagon fixed by mid day, two days hence. T¡¯will cost thee four trees, lumber and all. They will be picked out by me husband and harvested frae yer lands; once the job be done and yer cart delivered back tae thee.¡± She stood firm, holding to her wild claim and outrageous price. ¡°No, it¡¯s too much! The woodcutter¡¯s guild fees alone will¡­¡± Master Oliver, the vintner stumbled to a halt, when she raised her hand imperiously. ¡°...pauper¡­ me¡­?¡± ¡°Nae, Ollie. That man o mine will choose, cut, haul and mill the trees frae yer eastern hillside¡­ Ours will be all the products, an ye shall have yer wagon back in fine fettle, in two days.¡± She held out her calloused hand for him to shake, leaving the portly, usually good natured man little choice. Once the bargain was sealed she smiled, despite clearly having gotten the worse end of the deal. ¡°An ye wish him tae harvest more of that hillside, ye kin bargain wi him fer that when he comes.¡± ¡°Uh, right¡­¡± Ollie murmured awkwardly, feeling slightly ridiculous. ¡°I spoke to the woodcutter¡¯s guild about clearing that plot¡­ They wouldn¡¯t even consider it unless I build an access road and pay half the expenses.¡± ¡°We shall see, my friend.¡± She replied with a smile. # Sure enough, two days later as the bell tower rang out the morning¡¯s third chime and fell quiet, a rumbling sound and the clopping of hooves approached his winery. His big, heavy wain rolled up, pulled by a little dust brown pony, the big smith woman walking along beside wearing a radiant smile. ¡°T¡¯was a fine morning¡¯s walk¡­ Those axles will nae trouble thee anymore, methinks.¡± She called happily, when he stepped out his front door to see what she had wrought with his creaking, groaning cart. He glanced at the undercarriage of his familiar old wagon and sat down on his own front step in surprise. The wooden axles, crude tallow greased spindles, leather bearings and bushings were gone, replaced by a construct of iron beams and strange metal works. Leaf springs, coil springs, odd cylinders and bizarre armatures sprawled all over the underside of the cargo bed¡­ Which had also been altered in a number of surprising ways. He understood little of what the woman was saying, over the ringing in his ears. They¡¯d had that miserable, back breaking cart in the family for nearly a century¡­ He grew up with that thing, hauling produce in his family vineyards since he was old enough to hitch a team to that monstrosity and drive¡­ His folks had gifted it to him, when he set off to build a life here, on the far end of human lands. He¡¯d driven it here, his own two donkey familiars supplemented by a hired team of four draft horses, to drag his household goods to his new home, on the hillsides above Foresthome. No single animal had ever been able to pull that groaning behemoth down even the smoothest road, even empty¡­ He sat there for a while, as the woman nattered on about ¡®captured springs¡¯ ¡®bronze bearing races and hubs¡¯ and ¡®torsion bars¡¯ for a good few minutes. When he finally gathered himself together, she had already unhitched her dust brown pony and rewarded her with a couple carrots. The animal was placidly munching, while the smith pushed the wagon into the barn single handedly. The damn thing rolled as easily as the count¡¯s carriage¡­ ¡°Me lad an I, we get a little overwrought, when working taegether¡­¡± She murmured happily. ¡°We may hae done more than truly needful.¡± With a wave and a smile, she pulled a bizarre, two wheeled object from nowhere at all, mounted it and rode away, to the sound of whirring gears and the clopping of her pony¡¯s hooves, cheerfully following her mistress home. ¡°Gods blight me for a madman¡­¡± He whispered, after giving his old workhorse of a cart a gentle, experimental shove¡­ It rolled away just a little under his shoulder, in exactly the way the old bastard never had before. Last week he might as well have tried to push the tile roofed, snug stone barn it sat under. His familiars, Henry and Irma, snuffled happily and let out soft, murmuring brays of contentment, as he scratched and scratched them, lost in thought. ¡°I heard you wanted that hillside clearcut¡­¡± A soft voice said from the barn door. ¡°I¡¯m hoping to convince you otherwise.¡± A tall, muscular man with brown hair, brown eyes and forgettable features leaned against the barn door, with a slightly disturbing, crooked smile on his lips. He wore workman''s clothing, if well cut, clean and of fine stuff; yet he wore no guild badges nor aprons, nothing to signify any rank in the cult of Crafts. ¡°You must be mistress Shai¡¯s¡­ partner?¡± He asked, when his heart rate slowed a little. He glared at his familiars, silently scolding them for not warning him of the man¡¯s approach. They snuffled their amusement and scolded him right back¡­ as if this fellow were their dear friend and boon companion, rather than himself. ¡°Blessed of Eponna?¡± He asked, when his familiars were done abusing him. ¡°Yeah¡­ afraid so.¡± He answered sourly, while struggling to extract his sandals from a huge, warm horse pile. ¡°For good or ill.¡± Oliver gaped at his familiars in horror, while the odd man used a big handful of bedding straw to scrape warm equine output from his feet and his utterly destroyed sandals. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry¡­¡± He gasped, before turning back to the two giggling familiars. ¡°Don¡¯t blame them¡­ I¡¯m cursed and blessed by the goddess of all equines.¡± The man grumbled, while extracting a fresh set of sandals from somewhere Oliver couldn¡¯t perceive. ¡°They can¡¯t help it, any more than I can avoid stepping in it.¡± He sighed sadly. ¡°Even my wife¡¯s pony¡­¡± ¡°You are a very weird person¡­¡± Ollie murmured softly, then turned bright red and clapped both hands over his mouth in shock at his own rudeness. ¡°Gary Ward, nice to meet ya, Oliver¡­ and yeah, I¡¯m a professional weirdo and infidel.¡± He said with a smile that failed to reassure the flustered vintner. Something dark and cold lurked in this man, even if his familiars were happily nuzzling and nibbling away at his face like excited yearlings. ¡°Let¡¯s talk about that hillside, and what a few friends of mine would like to suggest¡­ Have you ever met a sugar wasp princess before?¡± Something golden and fast moving buzzed and fluted out of the man¡¯s hair, darting around the barn in a glittering blur. ¡°Kree, my little Sugar Bee¡­ come back.¡± He called out to the blur of golden light. ¡°Come say hello to Oliver, he¡¯s new.¡± An instant later, a hummingbird sized wasp darted up and halted; hovering a foot from his face on invisibly fast moving, buzzing wings. ¡°Ooo! Hello human! I hardly ever get to meet normies¡­ He scares them off!¡± She gestured with her right side limbs, pointing to the smiling madman by the barn door, still being smooched by the damn donkeys. ¡°But first, let¡¯s talk about sustainable forestry and the importance of biodiversity in modern agriculture¡­¡± ¡°I feel a little dizzy¡­¡± Oliver murmured softly, as he sat down in his wheelbarrow for a rest. # ¡°I think that went well¡­¡± Kree buzzed in Gary¡¯s ear, as he pedaled them home. He still couldn¡¯t use the motor, so he¡¯d removed it to save weight and improved his gearing system¡­ with a lot of help from Tallum and Wilf. He cranked his mundane bike home across Liam¡¯s wide, smooth avenues, grateful that his friend had managed to repair most of his domain¡¯s roads. He marveled at the wide, straight, even paths, whether stone paved, or simply hard packed and baked clay; they ran smooth and mostly flat, following the rivers and branching all over the valley. A score of hard working beaver lumbermen from Mudwallow Bridge town had made the trek and spent an entire summer clearing the roadbeds and stacking the green lumber to dry and season in numerous carefully constructed log piles, scattered over the domain. Those experts had continued to visit from time to time, guiding the developing realm and getting the count¡¯s lumber trade roaring to life. His two water mills beside the river and the mobile milling rig he¡¯d brought from Wheatford had supplied his fast growing city and hamlets with cheap, local construction materials. They¡¯d quarried the ruins for stone, rebuilding where possible and saving what historic remains they could, but the outskirts of town remained largely empty of people. Now Gary and his familiar pedaled down a wooded lane, past half cleared ruins and a few snug, cozy homes. They had become familiar sights lately¡­ and here on the edge of things, people tended to mind their own business. He appreciated that. Wheatford was a town fueled by gossip and entertained by rumors, nothing occurred, but that it was palavered up one side of the close knit valley and down the other. Here, in Foresthome, he was just another weirdo friend of the weirdo count¡­ not the ¡®mad witch¡¯ or ¡®heretic¡¯ of the town. Kree clung to his hair in her insect form, giggling and chattering away, excited about her new project. ¡°...giant honeybees I met on the north end of the valley are looking for a new location, they will love it!¡± She sang merrily into his ear. ¡°Once the wildflowers take hold on the terrace sides, we should have that orchard planted properly.¡± ¡°You and Liam have been scheming, haven¡¯t you¡­?¡± Gary asked with a sly grin. ¡°Garden nerd!¡± He scolded her in false outrage. ¡°Granola munching, hippie scum!¡± ¡°Shut up, you big goof.¡± She sighed sadly before she stung him in the base of his skull, sinking her stinger into his flesh and pumping a bit of her venom into his bloodstream. Just a little; only enough to ease the lines of pain she saw gathering in the corner of his eyes, without sending him too loopy. ¡°You never tell me when it starts to hurt¡­¡± She scolded him gently. ¡°I¡¯m used to it, sweetie.¡± He answered softly, as they rode in through the garden gate. ¡°We¡¯re home now anyway.¡± # Ch: 23 Fire On The Mountain Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 23 Fire On The Mountain A few short, busy days later, Adventure yacht Moonrise and her captured, formerly haunted warship sailed out of the protected harbor of the long abandoned island. They sailed into the gathering darkness, sunset at their backs; with the kids at the aft rail, waving merrily at the two ancient beings standing on the shore. ¡°Those kids are weird as can be¡­¡± The jewel spangled crab women sighed, cuddling closer to the driftwood idol that was her beloved¡¯s physical form. ¡°Why do you think they wanted us to wait until nightfall, before igniting those awful things?¡± She asked softly, shuddering at the memory of the six pickled human corpses in her husband¡¯s obscene ¡®wine cellar¡¯ lost deep in the volcano¡¯s silent caverns. He shrugged silently, too engrossed in the fresh, clean winds of magic blowing over the island that he was; at long last. As the sun finally vanished and the moons draped their oddly warm and comforting gaze over the land, the volcano spirit flexed a faint glimmer of his terrible power. The mountain shook ever so slightly, causing a small chip of flint to fall from the roof of his cavern, deep within his dark and silent, cavernous heart. It plummeted fifteen yards down, before striking a forgotten bit of iron rubbish, left behind by the long dead cultists who¡¯d installed the horrid ring of cadavers, deep in his insides for their own dark purposes. That tiny spark, the merest flicker of light in the unending dark was all that the volatile fumes needed. Six enormous glass cylinders, their enchantments undone and lids removed, were slowly off-gassing in the ancient lava tubes and vents, filling every crevice with the choking miasma of flammable, eldritch liquor. One miniscule glimmer was more than enough to set a beautiful catastrophe in motion. The kids had scrambled through him, guided by fae lights and will-o-wisps conjured by his will, all the way down to that long sealed and deeply troubling magma chamber. He hadn¡¯t paid much attention to their crafts, preferring to focus on his mate; as they worked to unwind the misaligned magic that had dragged her across the void¡­ and landed the love of his eternity in his arms. As promised, they had cracked the vile soul bottle array, opening each jar and releasing both the spirit and the potent vapors of the occult liquor preserving the poor wretches. Also as promised, The adult otherling, Becky and a human mage girl named Ivy had supervised the carving and erection of a strange stele of carved basalt, securely placed in a chamber of its own. It was fashioned by Wilf, with painstaking care. For two long days he tapped, chipped, ground and polished the tough stone of the monument, before it was ready to install; deep in a secure and comfortably stable cave on his mountainside. Gemma had writhed with discomfort for a few moments, as their softly whispered ritual drew to a close, until, with a soft, crystalline chime, an occult door somewhere finally closed¡­ With his beloved still in his arms and once more smiling at his worried, wooden face. # As they sailed off into the darkened sea, a soft whooshing sound swept down from the open vent at the top of his cinder cone, accompanied by a gout of livid, bright orange and red flame. Both spirits watched with befuddled amusement, as the flame leapt higher into the sky; hurling explosive bolts of musically whistling, magical energy up among the stars. Sparks and glittering trails of light and vapor erupted from the long dormant cone, blasting the sky with a violent display of harmless pyrotechnics. The rush of fire, heat, energy and magic through his long, convoluted circulatory system made the complex tracery of ancient glyphs on Ignis¡¯ skin glow and smolder, as they had when he was a fiery young lad, back when he¡¯d allowed himself to be worshiped as a god by the island¡¯s mortal folks. Gemma noticed the ruddy flush of heat in his body and wriggled closer to him, as they sat on the sand together, watching the display til the sun came up. ¡°I think I¡¯d like to have mortals here again¡­¡± Iggie murmured warmly, wreathed in fragrant smoke that smelt of ancient forests and the deepest places of the earth. Gemma smiled and whispered in his ear. ¡°I¡¯d love that, my sweet.¡± The hoary old spirit grinned so wide, that a small fissure opened, deep within him, letting a flow of hot, fresh magma flood his lower chambers. Steaming rivulets and streams began flowing from his sides, as hot water bubbled and churned in the depths. ¡°Those kids gave me some ideas¡­¡± He murmured, as hotspring pools slowly filled, scattered all over his verdant, fertile lowlands. ¡°Yes¡­ We¡¯ll lure some mortals here; I¡¯d forgotten how entertaining they can be.¡± # Baron Theloius Dunham, lord of Port Fallon was a busy man¡­ fifteen years after assuming his new title, the place was still a mess. His landholding vassal knights had handled the transition poorly, as had most of the self styled ¡®merchant lords¡¯ of the city. Tony had taken pleasure in breaking the larger merchant consortiums and bringing his vassals to heel with a diligently applied program of highly detailed, viciously exacting tax audits. The duke had occasionally loaned Tony his personal accountant and auditor for the job; a jocular, pleasant, middle aged woman of common birth. She bore the slightly abstracted look of a person whose intellectual development might have been delayed, yet she displayed an uncanny facility with numbers, figures, minute details and the law. That was all well and good, save that Kelli hid a dark secret in her shadow¡­ A terrifying spirit entity, wrought of naked darkness and possessing a cold, calculating will of its own. He had to admit, Kelli and Ellie were a terrifying team; the demon of shadow and the slightly stout, seemingly childlike and innocent mortal woman¡­ Ellie was not among Tony¡¯s favorite beings, as a shadow entity of the chaotic and unknowable ether; pulled to the mortal realm by a ritual of summoning and blood magic¡­ with five year old Kelli as the intended human sacrifice required to manifest a demon in flesh. Her uncanny and chaotic nature chilled his soul, whenever she came near him, no doubt a remnant of his long association with his former deity. Kellie¡¯s parents had sold her for magical experimentation, when her disability became evident, uncaring of her fate, once they had a few coins in their hands. Whether sold to an amoral wizard, a flesh peddler, or as in this case, to a demon summoning end of the world cult, the fates of such children were seldom known. The inscrutable demon had turned on its summoners for reasons of its own and become the tiny, developmentally challenged child¡¯s caretaker. Or so it claimed, when interrogated by his duke and the senior clerics and mages of the domain. Over Tony¡¯s strong objections, the duke had retained the creature as his personal accountant and financial hit woman. Tony¡¯s own investiture as baron had occurred around the chaotic time and unguessable spiritual events that had hurled the madman¡¯s moon into the night sky¡­ Several clerics, their cults and a number of merchant houses and nobles had hatched a plot to murder the duke¡¯s mad wizard, while his grace was busy installing the new baron of Port Fallon. They had succeeded, and been utterly destroyed as a group, in whatever sorcerous backlash the madman¡¯s death had unleashed on the world. Fireworks and explosions had upended the night sky, the pantheon and the social order of the known world, leaving only chaos behind. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. When the god Order¡­ went away; Ipet, lady of Justice and protector of Children had slipped into his dreams, offering to fill the wrenching void in Tony¡¯s soul¡­ but that only solved his problem. Incensed and furious, the duke had rooted out the deeply hidden plot among several noble and merchant houses, involving clerics and corrupt officials who nearly fell all over themselves in eagerness to pin all of the blame on the plotters who had died that day, out by the city wasteworks. Now, fifteen years after the furious duke had begun his highly successful, largely bloodless purge, slowly and steadily rooting out plotters, schemers, corrupt officials and abusive lords, using the woman¡¯s strange gifts¡­ Tony had to admit the upsetting, dual being was brutally efficient at finding and proving financial crimes and ferreting out abusers¡­ Just the rumor that she might be visiting one of duke Belen¡¯s vassal cities could make the unscrupulous break out in the terror sweats, all over town. Those ruminations brought a cold, hard smile to his handsome, scarred and still youthful face. He hid his mixed feelings and embraced the woman warmly on the dock, in full view of the public. She¡¯d unsubtly disembarked from the duke¡¯s personal yacht, Dragonfly; dressed in her full uniform of the ducal tax service, resplendent in gleaming brass buttons and silvery, spider silk braid. Her shako cap, with a bright green tassel and even more silvery braid shone and glittered in the sun, as she waved the captain a cheery goodbye. Tony¡¯s wife, Adelia had no such reservations, embracing her friend and squealing with excitement, in a manner unbefitting a baroness. No one had the brass to comment, or even allow themselves to be seen taking note of the display, under the eyes of the enormous baron; who famously doted on his tiny wife unabashedly, at all times. In a nasty bit of skulduggery, Adelia had suggested a loud and notorious dockside arrival, followed by a stealthy departure for county Kinnis, that the baroness and her friend might journey to visit the Wards together in secret. They could enjoy a nice trip, while simultaneously giving heart palpitations and nightmares to any corrupt functionaries that might have slipped through his net. Tony smiled at the thought of what the notorious and mysterious ducal agent¡¯s disappearance into his city would do to his local nuisances and crooks. Best of all, his wife was going to count Liam¡¯s domain, while he was to remain here¡­ in a city completely empty of Wards. He almost giggled with delight at the thought. # Sir Rolf collected the baroness and Kelli, dressed in common clothing suitable for a journey and shuffled them aboard Dragonfly, just after sunset. She was less a yacht than a boat; wide bellied and low, she had a shallow draft, more in line with a small cargo or fishing vessel, than a typical ducal pleasure craft. She was built for utility, comfort and stability; a capable little boat for cruising canals, rivers and the shallow sea. She ran without sail, oars, Wind or Water, cruising along at a steady clip fueled by his mad friend¡¯s bizarre arts. Twenty five feet long, with a low superstructure over a single, large cabin that could be partitioned with clever folding screens, they were in for a pleasant and comfy journey on duke Rummel¡¯s waterways. Angie leaned on her husband¡¯s arm and sighed, while Ester stood at the bow, letting the wind blow through her silver blonde hair, as they followed the coast south, heading for Port Clement. Sailing all the way to Mudwallow Bridge town with so many close friends aboard¡­ the prospect felt like a dream. Adelia was in the fore, working at the galley; something smelt good already. Kelli and Elli lounged in the spring sunshine, sprawled bonelessly across a rooftop chaise, playing a recorder to the water birds they slipped otherwise silently past. # ¡°It¡¯s embarrassing¡­¡± Gary complained at his wife, as they lay down to sleep. ¡°I just can¡¯t do it¡­ this never happened before.¡± ¡°It do happen to all men, occasionally, me lad.¡± She sighed. ¡°Tis no great matter. Sleep lad, I love thee, no matter how big nor small it may be.¡± She yawned and snuggled closer, throwing her leg over him possessively. ¡°I do love the man, not his erection.¡± ¡°But, what will everyone think?¡± He moaned. ¡°They¡¯ll pretend not to notice; but I know they¡¯ll be pitying me behind my back!¡± ¡°Nae lad, they would nae, tis only our friends an relations¡­¡± She petted his tummy gently, hoping to soothe him off to sleep, that just made things worse¡­ or perhaps better. ¡°Fie lad, none do care how big yer house once was¡­ we shall find room for them all¡­ now gimme that stiff cock o yours, ye japing fool!¡± She grumbled and fussed, as she wrestled her way on top of her sulky boy. ¡°An a lass must stay up late tae hear yer complaining, she must find summat tae entertain herself!¡± He flailed ineffectually and wriggled to ¡®escape¡¯ her grasp, which naturally only further compromised his position, leaving the boy at her mercy. The wicked grin on her husband¡¯s face, whenever she turnt the tables on him was one of her favorite things¡­ She was too busy with another of her favorites to continue playing verbal games. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and shut her fool up for the evening. ¡°I¡¯ll sew up some tents.¡± He murmured into her hair, when she was done with him, a while later. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine.¡± ¡°Shush lad, else I¡¯ll most likely slay thee, come morning.¡± She whispered his favorite dire threat into his ear, as he drifted away into sleep. ¡°As you wish..¡± He murmured finally. # Count Liam rode down to the modest, two story inn beside the lake and paused, looking over the formerly dismal plot of land where the river joined the lake. The barren, desolate ruin of a forgotten, would-be necromancer lord was gone entirely, replaced by his brother¡¯s garden and home. From the cheery, red tiled roof, to the wide, high, river stone foundation it was alive with moss, vines, flowering creepers and ivy. Rather than decrepit or neglected; it seemed a natural and eternal part of the landscape, as though it had been as much grown, as built. The garden sprawled over an acre of fruiting trees, flowering shrubs, garden beds and hotspring pools. A column of steam rose from the house and yard, drifting into the sky, as if to signal weary travelers. The house was Gary¡­ sculpted of his will and inextricably bound to, and deeply reflective of, his very soul. He carried it with him, wherever he roamed; ready to be conjured from shadows, the light of the sun and moon, natural energies and the boundless depths of a human soul shattered into endless fragments of itself. Over the course of their shared adventures, the place had slowly grown, as his mad brother¡¯s powers had grown, becoming larger, more expansive and less bound to mortal reality. Once his brother¡¯s home had been a sprawling ¡®motel¡¯ with beds for nearly two hundred souls, the grounds and gardens stretching a mile in any direction; subject to his mad brother¡¯s gentle madness, whims and Will. No longer, now it was a splendid country inn; such as a weary traveler might fondly wish to find, as evening closed in on a lonely road. Welcoming, cozy, inviting and pleasantly homey, but not exceptional at first glance, beyond being extraordinarily picturesque. The sight bought back fond memories of youthful adventures with his remarkable companions; this was Gary and Shai¡¯s house, as it was when the two had first become¡­ more than lovers, more than mates. No more stately towers and spires, reaching for the sky in silly, childish whimsey, simply because his beloved daughter wished for a ¡®princess castle¡¯, on a whim. Even so, it felt like home, diminished and damaged, as his brother was, but still the place he felt most at ease, wherever it should happen to stand today. Tawny squeezed his hand fondly as they trotted down the gentle slope to the lake shore, and home. Magnus, his wife¡¯s beloved old pony chuffed and whickered in excitement as he smelt the steam and the familiar aromas of the garden, something was always flowering in Gary¡¯s yard. The man himself was in the garden, erecting a number of canvas tents on the broad lawns. Bare to the waist and sweating vigorously, he heaved a long wooden pole upright and dropped it into a carefully dug post hole. He hammered a few stout sharpened stakes deep into the earth, securing his construct temporarily. The old scars on his body were less noticeable, under his deep bronze tan; though the network of old, pale lines on his abdomen and the outlines of oddly shaped muscles beneath his skin were still unsettling to look at. He waved at the pair and began hauling a slender, silvery line of cable, secured somewhere in a towering magnolia tree nearby. Canvas and ropes, wooden stakes and a vigorously applied sledgehammer were slowly turning the garden into an encampment. ¡°Hey!¡± He gasped when they rode up to him. He gave Magnus a good scratching around his jawline, before embracing the count¡¯s steed just as warmly. He gave a happy cry of: ¡°Audrey!¡± And leapt into the tangled, roughly dragon shaped mass of vines and flowers Liam rode, vanishing into her leafy form completely for a few long seconds. ¡°Gary¡­ please get out of my familiar¡­ people will talk.¡± Liam murmured around a soft chuckle. Audrey the rendroot bush gave a polite cough, as she vomited the fool boy out onto the lawn, in a heap. Tawny dismounted, while Liam strolled out of his mount in a way that was a little odd, even by Gary¡¯s standards. They stood over their friend and comrade as he collected himself. Audrey busied herself, rooting down in a well tilled garden bed for a rest in the sunshine with floral perfume flowing off her in waves. The sweet, green, summery scent of new growth and fresh leaves signaled her immense satisfaction with her chosen spot; it smelled a little self congratulatory as well¡­ smug, and confident. Quick as you please, Magnus was off in the stable with Sandi, the dust brown pony. He¡¯d trotted off, still in saddle and bridle as soon as Tawny¡¯s sandals alighted on the lawn, eager to spend some quality time with his colleague. The two equines re-appeared, while Gary was still getting up off the lawn, after finally recovering from a fit of exhaustion induced giggles. ¡°Gary¡­ It¡¯s time to pull yourself together; Sandi has her curry brush out.¡± Tawny said softly. Liam peeked in the stable and grinned at his slowly rising brother. ¡°Sandi racked and hung all the tack for you, all that¡¯s left is the grooming, Gary.¡± He mused thoughtfully, as both ponies began nudging him with her head; like a fussy cat, demanding pets.. The mare had a curry brush in her teeth, as she forcefully shoved it into the musician¡¯s hands, accompanied by whinnying equine chuckles of mirth from Magnus. ¡°I¡¯m still the horsies¡¯ valet?¡± He groaned in faux outrage and indignation, while the brush in his grip whisked over the stallion¡¯s golden legs, eliciting soft chuffs of pleasure from his old friend. # Ch: 24 Lightning In A Bottle Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 24 Lightning In A Bottle From the dizzying heights, Mariah watched the world slip by, clinging to her papa¡¯s collar in breathless wonder. Racial memories and her recollections of her time as a simple tree were a good start¡­ But even a tree as widely traveled as the infant dryad had never seen the world from high above. Few dryads possessed even rudimentary flight; though Plumeria, her mother had wings capable of short sprints from one tree to another. Far below, a wide expanse of wet, boggy uplands rolled by; sprinkled with an elaborate lacework of lakes, rivers and streams, all spread out before her. A small town sat at the center of the web of waterways, ruling over a network of canals branching off the main river. The township¡¯s streets were barely visible in the fading light¡­ until full dark, when the tiny sparks of evening strollers or boaters with lanterns and the glow of house windows appeared, winking and glittering. ¡°Oh¡­ pretty!¡± She gasped in papa¡¯s ear, nestling in close to his neck as the air grew colder. ¡°That¡¯s Mudwallow Bridge Town.¡± He whispered over the wind of their passage. ¡°It¡¯s the closest ¡®city¡¯ to where we¡¯re going. Mostly water people; beaver and otterkin, but all sorts of folks¡­¡± ¡°Can we land and look around? Pleee-eease?¡± She asked, like a big girl, with only a little begging. ¡°Sorry sweetie, I can¡¯t walk among Beast¡¯s children. I need at least one of my mortal relatives along, to help me conceal my aura. Otherwise, I would cause a panic.¡± He smiled and nuzzled her with his chin. ¡°Humans are almost completely blind to my presence, but Beast¡¯s children are much more sensitive to the natural world and how that intersects with the spiritual and divine.¡± He took a slow banking turn, following one of the main canals, so she could watch the little boats sail to their homes, a tiny lantern on the prow of each returning person. ¡°We don¡¯t want to scare anyone, do we?¡± ¡°Aww¡­ That stinks!¡± Mariah was inconsolable, for nearly fifteen heartbeats. After a brief sulk and a little whining, she settled for a promise that they would absolutely visit a human town some day; after he spent a few minutes circling high above the lovely hamlet, letting her get a good look. Barges and small ships plied the Rummel river, all the way up to the limits of the wide valley. The spreading vista of green, ended abruptly in a ridge of barren, stony hills, where the river fractured into a mind bogglingly complex tracery of streams, before vanishing among the low mountains. Rising higher, they caught the dying rays of the sun, sinking away out over the Shallow Sea, warming them as they passed over the barren ridge separating the outskirts of duke Rummel¡¯s domain and the wild hinterlands of county Kinnis. They flew down into the dark, flitting above the treetops, guided by the whispering voices of the local bats. Under the light of the moons and stars, they flew across miles of nearly trackless forest, following the faint outline of the only road between the two lands and their new bat friends¡¯ whispered guidance. Only the occasional, faint scent of a cookfire showed that any folk lived here; lost among the towering, ancient trees and forgotten lands. What few, isolated homes lay below were no doubt shuttered tight against the darkness, and the things that still occasionally roamed these forests. Finally, half an hour after full dark, a faint glimmer appeared in the distance. On the steep valley side, a small city looked out on the dark lands below, sparkling with a few lights, in addition to those of the modest keep overlooking the town. Down by the lake side, a familiar inn glowed with garden lamps and radiant windows, seeming bright and welcoming, even from afar. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to see Amy and the boys again¡­¡± She buzzed softly against his throat. ¡°The other¡¯s can¡¯t fly, Mariah¡­ They will be a few days getting here; you¡¯ll have the chance to meet a bunch of new normal mortals soon.¡± Ward whispered to his tiny daughter, when they landed just beyond the outskirts of the cozy inn yard. ¡°For now, hang out with the family¡­ I¡¯ll be nearby.¡± He slipped into the shadows beneath a fig tree, where moonlight couldn¡¯t reach, sending his little girl off to visit her apostate uncle and the family. She buzzed bravely off into the night, glowing a deep, blazing ember red and trailing tiny, illusory sparks in her wake. ¡°They grow up so fast¡­¡± He whispered to the fragment of Fig¡¯s consciousness he knew would be listening in, from her vigil on the island; where she guarded the newborn dryad¡¯s birth tree. For a full turning of the seasons, Mariah¡¯s life was bound to and dependent on that tree, rooted in the depths of Centre Port island, growing under the light of the death god¡¯s new eldritch pet. # Mariah tasted the wind carefully as she set off on her first solo flight, even if it was just a few dozen yards into the house where she¡¯d first become sentient. Years and years she¡¯d been rooted in this fertile soil and had enjoyed the unparalleled perks of being a member of the Ward family. How many other trees concealing nascent dryads got to roam the land, in a musical, magical home filled with light and life? She flew around to the garden baths, to her fiery tree; with a nimble tuck of her splendid wings, she slipped through, into the common room, emerging from the hearth with a sparkling crackle of joyous laughter. ¡°I¡¯ve wanted to do that for so long!¡± She buzzed happily, into the frantic, excited welcoming embrace of her weird, dysfunctional family. # Franklin Knubbel was an Adventurer and a man with accomplishments under his belt, when he strolled down the dock, into his family pastures and the welcome sounds and smells of home. Just up the Rummel river estuary from the Shallow Sea; their family home stood a fair piece back from the waterside, so his folks were surprised by his arrival, despite the tall ship looming above familiar little Moonrise. ¡°Mom, dad? I¡¯m home for a visit!¡± He called, while dropping his sandals in their cubby and putting on his slippers. ¡°I brought the whole gang¡­ We captured a pirate ship!¡± The Knubbel family took it all in with good grace and humor, every mad, breathless word of it. ¡°See? Little turd got me right in the kidney!¡± He had his shirt up showing his little brother and sister his sweet new scar. ¡°I had to brew my own medicine on the spot¡­ it tasted super gross! Want some?¡± While Sophie was busy making exaggerated gagging noises in response to his graphic description of his latest adventure, he swiftly popped a little brown nugget into her mouth and grinned. She coughed and sputtered in outrage, until the chocolate truffle melted away on her tongue. ¡°Hey! Big meanie!¡± She grumbled, while clutching her big brother¡¯s leg tightly. ¡°Go back to the part where you¡¯re gonna to leave that haunted ship tied to the pier¡­¡± Abel mumbled after a moment. ¡°I don¡¯t like the idea¡­ what if more pirate ghosts show up?¡± ¡°Ghost pirates, pop¡­ And it¡¯s formerly haunted. We exorcized it and gave it a good scrubbing¡­ They aren¡¯t like mildew, they don¡¯t just pop back up.¡± He sighed slowly. ¡°We¡¯ll secure it before we leave, Wilf and Rio have a new curse ritual they want to try¡­¡± ¡°So it¡¯s a cursed, haunted ghost pirate ship?¡± Ricky gasped in excited glee. ¡°Was there¡­ treasure?¡± Frantic, twelve year old boy energy crackled in the lad¡¯s dark brown eyes, despite the looks his mother and father kept shooting over his head at Frankie. ¡°No treasure¡­ but we broke a curse and watched a new dryad being born!¡± He grinned even more widely as the familiar music began, over by the waterside. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you all about the jewel crab and her wooden boyfriend after dinner.¡± ¡°Adventurers kick ass¡­¡± Ricky sighed softly, as his parents resigned themselves to their fate; another Knubble child would be answering Adventure¡¯s siren call. # Rolf Belen, heir to Wheatford duchy and captain of ducal yacht Dragonfly, sighed to himself as the Knubbel¡¯s pasture came into view. The kids were already here, which was going to make his job a lot easier¡­ The unflagged imperial frigate looming nearby in a deep water anchorage was a less welcome sight. With sublime pleasure, he remembered that this was duke Rummel¡¯s domain; he was just visiting. ¡°Oh my goddess! Is Gabbie here?¡± Angie gasped, when she looked up from her book and saw the tall, three-master with the sleekly raked, aggressive lines of the imperial navy. ¡°I doubt it¡­ That¡¯s an old vessel and she looks¡­ raw, vacant.¡± He murmured distractedly, the kids were still putting up the houses with their strange witchcraft, drawing his curiosity even more strongly. Even after so long, he wished desperately for a hint of how the damnable thing worked. Dozens of times he¡¯d witnessed the ritual that drew team Ragamuffin¡¯s home into being, from wherever it went when they tucked it away; yet it remained entirely mysterious, occult to senses both mortal and arcane. He fiddled with the wide bronze bracer on his left arm, the control artifact that drew his internal energies away and gave him control over Dragonfly¡¯s arcane systems. While in use, his own senses were amplified by the enchantments carved, inlaid, stitched and woven into every piece of the little ship, with the intricate and exacting precision of a handcrafted musical instrument. Still nothing¡­ Usually at the helm, he could see through fog and in darkness, his sight even pierced the water¡¯s surface for a few yards. Just so, he could smell fresh water and hear shore birds, or the sigh of a soft breeze in her rigging, no matter how faint or distant. In this case, they might as well have been inside a hedgerow, as only flickers of movement and hints of what was going on made it through the thick haze of distractions and nonsense that always accompanied the event. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Flocks of waterfowl took off and landed in wheeling, geometric patterns, almost seen things seemed to scamper and slip through the trees at the watcher¡¯s peripheral vision¡¯s very edge, flickers of movement and hints of chaotic sound¡­ But only for those who attempted to resist the music, in an ill advised attempt to pierce the veil of occult mystery. ¡°Oww!¡± He grumbled, when Ester flicked his ear from behind. ¡°I warned you so many times¡­ Staring into the place from which their powers come is a foolish choice, Rolf. Madness lies there, for the unprepared.¡± She frowned at her master, knitting her white gold eyebrows together over her cute button nose and huge, shockingly violet eyes. ¡°I¡¯m a fully qualified mage, young lady.¡± He replied archly, while rubbing his ear¡­ She¡¯d gotten him good with that one. ¡°Fully qualified to become a gibbering idiot¡­¡± The tiny twelve year old girl gave her long, metallic silver forelock a tug in frustration and sighed. ¡°At least mount me for a good hard ride, before you drive yourself mad¡­¡± She complained. ¡°I¡¯m desperate for a good stretching!¡± ¡°Ester, remember context clues and human ways¡­¡± Angie murmured into the girl¡¯s ear with a hug and a kiss to the top of her silky, white-blonde head. ¡°I¡¯ll unpack your saddle as soon as we hit shore, sweetie¡­ I know you hate sailing.¡± Angie was speaking to empty air. As soon as the ship nudged the dock¡¯s fenders, Ester was over the railing in a spectacular, vaulting leap. Her maneuver¡¯s acrobatic merits aside, Angie groaned as the girl¡¯s summer dress flared, revealing her lack of underthings¡­ again. ¡°I¡¯m in the panty cult, you disgraceful wretch!¡± She shouted at the girl, whose dress went fluttering to the dock a moment later. ¡°You¡¯re so embarrassing; goddess knows why I try so hard!¡± A magnificent, radiant white unicorn mare stamped into the pasture, her long mane of white gold and shining silver horn gleaming in the moonlight as she whinnied her triumph into the sky. She reared, flailing her hooves at the moored vessels crowding the docks, as if challenging them to battle. ¡°I think Ester needs some exercise, my love. Best that one of the kids takes the helm, come morning. We¡¯ll ride up the River Road, I think.¡± The young knight murmured happily, while his steed frolicked in the grassy meadow and leapt into the hotspring bath. The little boat was soon overrun with gleeful friends, relations and comrades, in a swirling, friendly melee that rocked the boat alarmingly. ¡°Let¡¯s take this ashore, everyone¡­¡± Amy barked at the crowd of bustling people, as though she were somehow above the fray, rather than in the very heart of it. ¡°Nobody¡¯s sinking a boat, not in my armada!¡± # Laupin island, once an unnamed, silty mound on the edge of the estuary near the beastkin slum, was rapidly becoming a tidy little home for a small warren of rabbit folks. Several shanties and tents ringed the expanse of fresh tilled, rich earth, nestled in the scant open space among the encircling mangroves. The Laupin girls were all over the place, planting, tilling, hanging laundry on clotheslines strung among the trees and generally turning the place into a bustling home. Only a few remnants of the former occupants remained; the dock, a deep, clear pool of cold, fresh water bubbling up from a stony prominence on the northern edge of the island and, in a mucky little swamp over by the backside, just at the edge of the trees, was a thick walled, stone lined rubbish hut. Tile roofed and windowless, the walls and sunken floor was covered with a dense mat of spongy, felted, pale gray mycelium. Any biological waste, whether night soil, worn out rags or vegetable scraps that the residents hurled into the shady, doorless chamber would vanish within a scant few hours, consumed by the weird fungal mat coating every surface of the little shed. Odorless and unobtrusive waste disposal was a luxury that had been unavailable to most of the slum dwellers, since the waste pits of Centre Port were at the far edges of the human town and the humans were generally less than helpful at the best of times. Similar structures had cropped up in the human slum and on Westfall island as well; erected by the locals, with the help of those two odd boys and Admiral Amy. The silent fungal decomposition huts caused fewer sleepless nights, since there were no teeth, mandibles or claws involved in the process and no risk of hungry escapees causing havoc in the night. ¡°I still don¡¯t understand why it doesn¡¯t stink¡­¡± Ten year old Muriel asked her oldest sister, Joan. ¡°It¡¯s magic¡­ See that little bronze disk on the ceiling? Amy said that¡¯s where all the stench goes. It chases bugs off too!¡± She thumped her feet happily as they finished their chores, tossing a huge pile of fruit and vegetable waste into the hut. ¡°Where does the stink go?¡± The little bunnygirl asked, while giving her ears a grooming. ¡°Nobody knows¡­ maybe it just vanishes forever?¡± Joan shrugged and smiled, incurious and satisfied with the results, however they came about. # ¡°Gods above and below¡­ Where is that stench coming from?¡± Journeyman Hiram Wallach demanded of his wife, Mathilda. Their pleasant and elegant home in the upper market ward was by the canal, but far from the reeking dregs of the docklands, wretched slums and beast town. That only made the all pervasive and highly localized pong more confusing. Situated on a desirable little rise, overlooking the canal and market ward, the Wallach house stood no higher nor more proudly than its neighbors. Their well manicured front garden met the community guidelines to a tee and they possessed all the amenities and little luxuries that a proper home should have¡­ The pleasant home also featured a pungent, rancid, strangling aroma of a warm, well aged midden heap. No speck of filth could be seen, certainly nothing to account for the reeking, almost visible aroma of the place. ¡°Fire that damned bucktoothed swamp rat and hire a proper, human maid Mathilda!¡± The stout smith scolded his wife, while holding a posset of dried flowers and spices to his nose. ¡°I was against hiring that beaver, no matter how cheap she was.¡± ¡°Twila?¡± She scowled at him ferociously and snarled right back, loudly enough that the neighbors might hear. ¡°That wretch quit yesterday! Quit US! The ungrateful filth... ¡° She frowned and crushed her teeth together so aggressively that her face began to go pale around her jawline. ¡°She was intolerably smug about it as well! Had the nerve to tell me to sniff out my own foul stench and fled before I could beat her!¡± ¡°Find another, then! Do something about this odor and filth, woman!¡± Hiram shrieked, through his swiftly fading, spicy and floral pomander; he could almost see the stench closing in around him¡­ in his own front parlor! ¡°There are no servants for hire at a reasonable rate in town¡­ Even my last resort has failed utterly. The orphanage director refused to lend me any of their disgusting whelps! The wretches that our taxes support, in such luxury!¡± The smith¡¯s wife shouted back, as if the volume of her voice might fend off the creeping stank. Her own perfumed hankie had lost its effectiveness some hours ago, allowing the all pervasive aroma of a very ripe garbage pile and mounds of invisible, putrid nightsoil to clog her nostrils once more. ¡°I¡¯m going back to my parent¡¯s house, Hiram!¡± ¡°Well, then I¡¯m staying with my mother until this gets sorted!¡± Hiram sputtered, as he stomped out the door of his home, before pausing on the street to gasp in great lungfuls of fresh, clean, late evening air. # Dawn in the Knubbel¡¯s little waterside meadow was a gray and foggy affair, forcing the flotilla to make a late start upriver. The family lounged around Wilf¡¯s big dining table, lingering over second breakfast and chatting. ¡°So Maya broke into their house and drove a little bronze tack like this one into an inconspicuous spot in their rafters¡­¡± Maya coughed softly, behind Amy, interrupting the story. ¡°Or rather¡­ Someone with the right talents, abilities and a taste for revenge might have installed a little magical nail like this one in their house. This one is dormant, but if one like it were magically paired to the stink rings mounted in the ceilings of the garbage huts¡­¡± She patted a tightly lidded, wax sealed metal pail, covered with arcane scribbles and intricate ritual markings, drawn in colorful and ominous paint. ¡°I¡¯m gonna bury this in the back end of the meadow, Frank¡­¡± Amy said with a particularly cruel smile. ¡°There¡¯s a bunch of rotten seafood in here, to really get the stink rolling along. It¡¯s only fair, they gave us the fish.¡± ¡°Amy! Maya!¡± Becky scolded the kids fiercely. ¡°I¡¯m disappointed in all of you!¡± She sighed after raking the group of rowdy, giggling teens with a heated glare. ¡°Abusing the family secrets and magic like that! You could have just let it go¡­ You should respect your elders and¡­¡± Her own giggle burst free mid lecture, ruining her plans. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re right, screw those losers.¡± Becky sighed, sinking back in sir Kermal¡¯s shoulder with a happy sigh. ¡°Those two came by complaining while you were away.¡± The young knight murmured happily. ¡°Giving them the runaround was amusing¡­ When upset, his voice gets quite high pitched, for such a big man. I¡¯m rather surprised and pleased with myself that I didn¡¯t toss him in the drink as well.¡± ¡°That¡¯s my Kermie¡­¡± The high priestess cooed warmly, snuggling in even more aggressively. ¡°Such a gentleman.¡± # The fog began to lighten as second bell sang its muffled song from Port Clement, barely in earshot on such a misty day. Frankie kissed his folks goodbye, while Maya struggled awkwardly, while failing to hide her awkwardness. It looked painfully uncomfortable from Amy¡¯s position at the helm of MissAdventure. Her shallow drafted skiff would lead the way upriver, watching for surprises that the deep water craft would need to avoid. She took the familiar tiller in hand and smiled, as Frank and Maya climbed aboard; eager to have a mostly private cruise for the morning. Amy tipped her hat to her crew; who had volunteered to sail with her immediately, since the admiral was known for her discretion and courtesy. The smooth, red and amber striated wood felt warm in her hand, as always. Her fingertips found the runes inlaid in bronze and worked through the tiller arm of ironwood. Bronze fittings and sleek, lacquered strips of red oak led fifteen feet forward up the little boat, to a sharp, slightly peaked prow; terminating in her family crest. Standing forward from the prow, rose a swooping treble clef, carved in ebony and sprinkled with bone, bronze and brass moons and stars. Just above the waterline, on either side of the sharp, wave cutting, business end of MissAdventure, an eye peered out over the way ahead. They gazed out from an abstract mother of pearl embellishment suggesting the eye of a protective deity, watching from a nebula in deep space. Today, her low, canvas top was up, providing shelter from the bright sun of early summer and from prying eyes. Amy roosted happily on her high bench, looking out over the canvas at the wide Rummel river ahead. Poor Frankie and Maya had been crammed in with way too much adult supervision and way too many people for too long. She tucked the tiller under her arm and struck up a tune on her beloved Wardco Stratoblaster, improvising and noodling to warm up. Those two needed some private time, if only to share a lingering embrace and speak together alone¡­ Her nimble craft slipped over the water with little sound and almost no vibration, hurled forward by papa¡¯s first prototype ¡®Warp Core¡¯. Papa¡¯d built it slowly, over several years, in collaboration with Ivy, Becky, Shai, Tallum and the noted mage Amicus Fawn. None of the others had the faintest inkling how the damn thing worked, despite long familiarity with the basic enchantments and inscriptions etched through and around the object of potent arcane mystery. When even the slightest magical influence or exploration touched the thing it would lurch and spin wildly, while emitting an aura of uncanny and occult¡­ ookieness that confounded investigation. At first glance, while inactive, it seemed innocuous, if weird. Just under a foot tall, it was a one gallon, heavy glass apothecaries¡¯ jar, sealed with melted bronze and inscribed with a complex nest of cryptic etchings. Suspended in the jar, if one peered through the intricate runes, was a small, irregular crystal that glowed faintly blue under moonlight. All around the crystal, tiny slips of paper, bearing mystic runes and cryptic markings swirled, like windblown leaves in autumn¡¯s cold breezes. He¡¯d been unsure how to deal with his stable, but highly specialized prototype construct, so Gary had given it to his kids, naturally. Wilf and Amy had been immediately certain what to do with it and were proven correct, once they finished installing it in their sturdy little skiff. The ¡®Warp Core¡¯ assembly nestled into a heavy wooden cradle, mated directly to the boat¡¯s keel of bronze clad, enchanted, haunted magnolia wood. Intended as a simple proof of concept, it was too small to power a serious vessel, but packed way too much energy and occult weirdness to just leave around. Now it was the motive force that made her little craft slice the river¡¯s surface like a surgeon¡¯s scalpel, as she slid away from the dock and into, Adventure! # ¡°I forgot, we¡¯re in civilized territory all the way to the mountains¡­¡± Amy sighed, as another mile of tranquil river bank slipped by. Frank and Maya had their flutes out, harmonizing with her guitar¡¯s idle improvisations around ¡®White Water Raftsman¡¯. The simple bargeman¡¯s tune gave a lot of room to play around in its loose repetitive structure, that¡¯s probably why it had been current for centuries. Amy mentally and silently filled in her papa¡¯s awful puns and wordplay. Just because she always heard them in her own head, didn''t mean she needed to share the pain with her comrades. Thoughts of her mad, goofy father made her play drift into a little Steely Dan. The intro to ¡®Do It Again¡¯ began to scatter across the water, drawing the inevitable response from Wilf. His bass guitar picked up the line and started carrying it forward. Wilf¡¯s sound began flowing from her instrument¡¯s resonator disk, joined by Rio¡¯s drums as they shared their mingled gifts and enchantments across a quarter mile of the river and three separate vessels. The instruments always shared and repeated the other players in the group, amplifying the music and expanding their reach, encompassing the whole ¡®Armada¡¯ in sweet, mellow sounds. Hidden enchantments and gifts lifted the spirits and sustained the vitality of the crew and passengers alike, despite the slow, steady draw on the internal energies of everyone wearing one of the little ornaments. Only Wilf and Amy possessed any portion of the ¡®Interface¡¯ gift that Papa had, so only they could truly see their Mana, Stamina and Etheric pools slowly refilling under the influence of their spells. Amy used her slowly growing interface to reference auntie Ranza¡¯s secret logbooks, stashed in her magical eidetic memory for written words and static images. She consulted the logbook in her internal library and did a few calculations in another portion of her internal mindhome, the space she¡¯d set aside for such things. ¡°We should be near Bywater Town by evening.¡± She whispered in the ears of her brothers, at the helms of the other boats. ¡°I¡¯ll find a place to pull in for lunch.¡± Amy whispered, before Wilf could ask. # Ch: 25 Purple Haze Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 25 Purple Haze On a slow, deep bend in the river, Amy called the halt for the day, a quarter mile from the outskirts of a small, riverside town. They could just hear the chime of sixth bell, as she nosed MissAdventure right into a mossy clay bank for a moment so Maya and Frank could disembark and scout. Amy reversed out of the sticky clay with an effortless flex of her Will and scooted over to collect her team for the evening ritual, depositing the boys ashore a few minutes later. They had a fine view of the river from the alder and willow lined meadow, once the tiny compound was established and the boats were moored up on the dock. Rolf, Angie and Ester clattered up a few minutes later, looking exhausted and very pleased with themselves. Angie slipped from Rolf¡¯s lap, where she always perched, on a specially designed and crafted saddle; one that allowed her to enjoy riding in her husband¡¯s arms all day¡­ But now it was certainly time to enjoy not being in the saddle, a point Ester made by shivering all over, flinging a light mist of sweat over everyone within two yards around. ¡°Right, dear! Let¡¯s get you groomed and into the baths.¡± Angie gave the giant unicorn a good scratching under her chin, while Rolf got busy with her tack. The whole mob swarmed the houses and garden, in an excited, gabbling mess¡­ Exactly the kind of busy, chaotic, bustling home the Ward kids had grown up in. ¡°Ah¡­ That¡¯s the stuff.¡± Wilf muttered, sinking down onto a stool in his workshop for a good long evening¡¯s relaxation... Amy sighed as Frank, Rio, Maya and Otho the dog, Ivy¡¯s gigantic, red haired canine familiar, all headed off into the woods, foraging with Dannyl. They disappeared quickly in the bright, golden afternoon; no doubt hoping to find something tasty and dangerous for dinner. Wilf and Tallum had, of course, vanished down into the shop for some much needed quiet time with their crafts; Wilf especially had been getting twitchy lately. That left Angie, Becky, Ester, Ivy and herself at loose ends for a couple hours¡­ ¡°Shopping in the village?¡± Amy suggested cheerfully. ¡°I think they¡¯re having some kind of celebration.¡± ¡°We should check the job board while we¡¯re here¡­¡± Becky murmured with a smile for the tiny white bird perched on her shoulder, whispering in her ear. ¡°We should stay here a day or two, Jules and Grace are coming upriver behind us¡­ so is Gabbie.¡± ¡°Ooh! Sweet!¡± Amy chirped and giggled at the news then began doing a quick inventory of their stores, with her magical internal system doing most of the work. She sketched out a quick shopping list while the others got ready, idly watching the antics going on atop the town¡¯s low wall. The ruckus from the town was really picking up as the small party of ladies prepared for a gay afternoon¡¯s outing. They were waving flags and blowing horns pretty excitedly¡­ The party of fair damsels skipped down the river road, accompanied by sirs Rolf and Kermal. The two young lords were dressed in common clothing and bearing shortswords to satisfy their knightly duty to go forth armed, even at a market festival. ¡°They really are carrying on¡­¡± Kermal remarked, as the celebrants atop the town gate became even more excited. ¡°Rolf¡­ I smell something icky¡­¡± Ester complained softly, just as a crude arrow bloomed from Becky¡¯s right shoulder, accompanied by a small flight of short, flint tipped shafts that failed to find flesh. # Dannyl, Maya and Rio slipped through the woodlands in silence, stalking the glades and meadows, in hopes of finding something tasty to bring home, while Benny, Frank and Otho roamed in a group collecting spring herbs and mushrooms. The forage team was having far better luck than the hunters, who had yet to startle anything from the woodlands, neither had the foragers¡­ no deer, skunks, badgers or even squirrels moved through the quiet, pleasant forest. Frank gently cut another handful of wooden crown mushrooms from the fairy ring he¡¯d found under a wide spreading oak. Acorns littered the ground as well, undisturbed by any small creatures for a few days at least, to his eye. The pickings were pretty good, even so close to town, almost as though no one had been out gathering for a few days¡­ ¡°Guys¡­¡± Rio¡¯s voice interrupted Frank¡¯s ponderings with quiet urgency. ¡°There¡¯s goblins in these woods. Let¡¯s form back up and head to the house. I¡¯ll let the¡­¡± ¡°Goblin attack on the road.¡± Amy¡¯s cold, calm voice interrupted, overriding the comms array with her own gift for speaking through shadows. ¡°Unknown numbers, but they have at least a few archers. Becky¡¯s hit, we¡¯re holding for now.¡± # ¡°I should have worn my robes¡­¡± Becky hissed, as Kermal gently cut the crude rawhide lashings holding the flint arrowhead to the shaft. ¡°It went through the meat of your armpit, love¡­ this is going to hurt.¡± His quiet voice cut through the din of battle as he worked with furious intensity and great care. ¡°Careful with that, Kermie¡­¡± She gasped softly, as he slipped the slightly crooked shaft back out of the wound in her shoulder, ignoring the clash of arms all around the pair. A moment later, her small, dark hands took the ends of his completed bandage from him as she whispered: ¡°Go get ¡®em, Kerms.¡± # Lickspittle sighed contentedly through his ragged, blackened teeth, gusting a whiff of charnel filth over his gathered warband. His skirmishers had already thrown the humans into a panic, clustering in a tight circle on the road¡­ neither of the males and none of the women were outfitted for war, with just a pair of swords between them. Time for some delightfully easy pickings at last! The human town had buttoned up tight at their first sight of his mighty warriors, snatching up their delicious children, livestock and pets before the Blackened Root tribe had been able to do more than raid a few chicken coops and carry off some sheep. His small team of Liggzerz withdrew back into the woods, their flight of liggz had only struck one of the females¡­ and the small one in bright blue seemed to be armored, under the shiny coat she wore¡­ He sucked a morsel of nicely aged sheep heart out from between his back teeth and chewed thoughtfully savoring the rich, half putrefied sweetness, as his skirmishing Kiggzerz lowered their stone tipped weapons and charged from the underbrush. This was going to be good! # Amy swept a half dozen crude arrows from her bright blue naval coat and leapt to the right, as a score of short, gray-green humanoids, dressed in armor of rawhide and bones charged from the roadside brush, thrusting with stone tipped spears at sir Rolf. His shortsword clashed, clattered and sang out a few sharp chiming notes, hurling sparks and three flint spearheads and one greenish hand off into the bushes in an exchange that left the small creatures shaken. They formed up in a ragged cluster, just out of reach of the small blonde man¡¯s short weapon, considering their next move¡­ Ivy slipped around to Rolf¡¯s left, as Amy moved into position, her hand on her sabre-hilted belt knife. The small blonde mage clutched a stout walking stick of knobbed blackthorn in her trembling, shaking hands. # Lickspittle roared with rage as three small humans in normal clothes ripped his skirmishers to bloody rags in just a few horrible moments. The little blue one drew out a short knife¡­ and just kept drawing, until she held a long, shining blade of curved steel, set in a guard of shining bell brass. She lashed, slashed and stabbed her way through six of his warriors without even getting anything on her shiny blue coat¡­ The goblin warchief raised his stubby ram¡¯s horn and blew a short, sour note. The command rang out through the woods, sending all his force into the battle. One human girl was not going to¡­ The little blonde girl in pale green skirts used a walking stick to bash the brains from his second, Glaggath¡¯s skull, showering the nasty stuff all over Kekkheef and Fliglull, his two steadiest veteran warriors. They were looking less eager for the fight, now that they were coated with the bigger gobbs thinkin¡¯ stuff. The girl snatched up poor Glaggie¡¯s prized, stone headed club in her free hand and began a mad, furious, whirling dance of death through the flanks of his warband, reaping them like wheat. Things were not going as Lickspittle¡¯d expected, but the sound of low, thudding drums and skirling antler pipes rose behind him. At least his shaman and cultists were more reliable¡­ Their poisons and sorceries would turn this around soon. He turned his full attention back to the battle, as his elite warriors entered the fray, Stone headed whomps and jagged, flint tipped kiggs, thirsty for human blood. # Ivy spun, bashing a spear aside, shattering the shaft in the process. She liked this goblin¡¯s club¡­ the young mage decided, as another of the green creatures slumped to the dusty baked clay of the road, with his head even more misshapen than before her contribution. A good thirty more surged from the woods at the doleful squawk of a primitive warhorn. These wore more layers of hide and bones and one or two bore simple shields. Larger, better equipped and far less hesitant than the first wave, these warriors were the core of any gobbo warband. A savage whoop from Amy drew her gaze; there were at least twenty five more, closing in from the woods on her side of the battle as well, along with a few more hesitant arrows, launched from the treeline. Ester hovered over her fallen friend, glaring furiously at the raiders. The three combatants smiled grimly at the line of goblins, forming up just out of reach. Kermal joined the human line on the River Road, their backs to the waterside and town, with at least sixty visible foes closing in. Crude, primitive music sounded from the deeper thickets, drawing the attention of darker forces and buoying the spirits of the notoriously flighty gobbos. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. ¡°Good sized warband¡­¡± Rolf muttered to Kermal, as he shook blood and other things from his shortsword. ¡°Ester, look after Becky until¡­¡± Rolf cut off suddenly, as the town gate, a hundred yards down the road creaked open and ten men in farmer¡¯s homespun, carrying woodcutting axes and pitchforks charged down the road, whooping and yelling at the tops of their lungs. The gobbs backed into a tighter knot, bristling with crude spears and javelins, huddling close while their chief¡¯s warhorn honked at them to attack . ¡°Well, that¡¯s a pleasant surprise!¡± The young knight barked, as the villagers rushed up and joined their line, brandishing their weapons with as much ferocity as anyone could hope for. ¡°Gods, people¡­ Get your arses in motion, we¡¯ll hold them off while you get into town!¡± The largest villager shouted at the small group, standing firm on the blood spattered road. ¡°They have witches and dark magics too!¡± ¡°So do we. We¡¯re mostly Adventure guild members, between contracts. Do you hear that?¡± Rolf asked calmly, as the townies huffed and puffed into formation. Faintly, under the noise of the furious gobbs and the dull hooting music of the witches, off among the trees, something sweeter and more musical was slowly gathering¡­ ¡°Here come our heavies, as well.¡± Kermal muttered to the panting farmers and townsmen. ¡°I love the hustle and courage you¡¯ve displayed, my friends¡­ But these fellows have chosen poorly. Team Ragamuffin will be all over them before they can get¡­¡± From up the road, where the moored boats and cluster of improbable houses lay, two large, armored figures were flying toward the battle, astride some kind of silent, two wheeled mounts. Only the whirr of gears and a dreadful, Shing Shing heralded their approach. Their strange mounts vanished, as both large, heavily armed and armored men barreled into the suddenly very nervous, massed goblin infantry with a terrible crash. ¡°Gentlemen,¡± Amy spoke firmly and with absolute confidence, while her uncle and brother began their work. ¡°Please watch over our injured comrade while we mop the floor with these little jerks.¡± Something about the little lass in fancy pirate dress rang out across the battlefield, drawing every eye and ear to her commands. With that, the brightly costumed girl led her elders into the melee with a shivering, crystalline cry of pure bloodlust on her lips, lifted higher by the music now clearly and loudly playing from deeper in the woods. Born ta raise hell, Born ta raise hell, We know what we¡¯re doing and we do it real well! The townsmen stood on the blood and corpse covered roadbed, guarding the girl who was woozily climbing to her feet, her arm bound and in a sling, while the weirdos did horrible things, to the driving beat of raucous, violent speed metal screaming from the deep woods. # Lickspittle realized that the music was different, after the girl began her chant¡­ Enraged by their failure to dominate the battle and buoy his warriors¡¯ flagging courage, the chief spun around, glaring at the thicket where his shaman hid. He squinted his sun blinded, red rimmed eyes at his coven of witches. ¡°Windshrike¡­¡± He snarled at his witchdoctor. ¡°Why aren¡¯t you working your arts?¡± # Maya and Frankie slipped through the woods behind Dannyl, silent in their soft hunter¡¯s gear, while Rio and Benny went with Otho to join the main battle on the road. As one, the trio halted outside a dense thicket of alders, the source of the atonal, alien music drawn from primitive pipes and drums. ¡°I¡¯ve seen this before. They¡¯re trying to call in a spirit of the deep void to help them¡­ some minor demon.¡± The older warrior whispered. ¡°Maya, get ready to do your thing. Frank, watch our backs while we do the wet work, be ready to take over the spells.¡± Dannyl whispered under the low notes of the witches¡¯ musical workings he pulled a long knife and a hatchet from his harness and smiled. Between eyeblinks, they vanished among the scrawny saplings and thick underbrush. Alone, Frank began laying out his ritual space, cordoning himself off with strands of braided silk, strung from nearby saplings and shrubs. With an almost audible chime that he felt in his bones, his construct closed, giving him a sense of the living beings and active magical workings in the local area. Every leaf in every tree became a subtle part of his own Animus, as his life force flowed through the roots of the entire forest. Without breath, he began fingering the proper notes on his flute, the soft puffs of air from his fingertips providing the only sound needed for this dark, quiet song of life¡¯s endings and peaceful rest. With steady and constant effort of his finely honed force of Will, young Fank inveigled his own music into the hooting noises of his foes. With gentle care he slipped his senses through their convoluted spellwork, following the threads of real power to their source; a few poor animals¡¯ souls, bound and tormented to draw in something vile from beyond. With a slow, deep breath, Frankie turned the music, and the ritual on its head. Spells of restraint, imprisonment and torment became a soft peaceful voice, guiding the tortured souls home to rest and be reborn. # Maya was almost invisible, once among the shadows and trees, her lithe, supple movements drew her through the dense woodlot like a will-o-wisp, silent and dangerous. At the center of the thicket, where a mighty tree had once stood, several small green and gray men played crude skin drums in a semicircle, enclosing three partially feathered female creatures dressed in the rags of human clothing, still bloodstained from their prior owners. One played a flute carved from a human femur, another held a human skull pipe, the man¡¯s contorted face and scalp still clinging to the grizzly instrument. The third held a rattle of fingerbones and a child¡¯s skull, keeping time under the direction of a bat winged, brown furred humanoid, clinging to a moldering, insect riddled tree stump. The bat creature was busy, carefully mutilating the corpse of a small dog with a flint knife, working to draw in a bloodwing wraith for a few precious minutes of carnage. The werebat shaman, his three stonefeather harpies and all six of his goblin cultists were slow to realize that they were under attack, as two dark armored humans fell on them with terrible speed and ferocity. # Windshrike, the blood warlock, was a professional, which made this failure even more embarrassing! ¡®This must be some failing of the goblin cultists¡­¡¯ He thought grimly as he struggled to salvage his ritual. Trying to get decent results from goblins was a losing proposition anyway, he reflected. ¡®Shrike glanced around this ritual site, to see which of the little shits had broken formation to nibble on one of the sacrifices, that was usually the problem. The werebat warlock barely had time to look up from his grisly work, before the small woman¡¯s slim dagger pierced him through the belly and up into his diaphragm, silencing any cry he might have attempted. # Lickspittle¡¯s eyes took a moment to adjust to the cool forest dimness¡­ His precious coven was sprawled on the leaf litter, bleeding their lives into the thirsty soil, when his eyes refocused. A small, ginger human male in dark leather armor grinned down at the goblin chieftain from a bough high up in an oak tree. ¡°They left you for me¡­¡± He sighed happily, as a long, strange serpentine thing uncoiled from his hand to slither through the canopy with a soft rattling hiss. ¡°...Terrible, what you did to that poor dog. That¡¯s why I¡¯m taking this personally, just so you know. Otherwise I¡¯d have let the kids butcher you.¡± He hopped down from his perch, his long, ominously twitching and slithering weapon stretching out across the short distance between them. Lickspittle snarled and drew his badge of office, a real steel sword of human make. He thrashed the short arming sword side to side furiously, cutting at the air in a manner that always intimidated his foes, as he backed away from this human and toward his warriors on the road. The human followed him in a leisurely stroll, smiling horribly all the while. ¡°Your warband is finished¡­We took your archers before the spellcasters, now my kids are¡­ Well, you¡¯ll see.¡± They crossed the treeline, the man still casually pursuing him through the woods, until bright, cursed sunlight blasted his huge sensitive eyes, as he peered at the battle unfolding not far away¡­ A small platoon of armored humans had come from somewhere, wading into his warriors and thrashing them to bits with terrible momentum. In the brief glimpse he allowed himself, a slim, dark female human bashed one of his warleaders across the skull with her long black iron flute, scattering teeth, blood and brains all around. A scant few yards off, a giant in heavy steel lobster plates and a bullhide and steel kilt swung a warclub around his head; with no less than three crumpled goblins still wrapped around that terrible, bronze studded log. Another pair of giants, one in red and the other in green carved a bloody path with spear and warhammer, dancing with each other to the thundering music, as together they pureed a dozen of his best warriors. ¡°Now look to yourself and despair, goblin. I¡¯ll be thrashing you within an inch of your miserable life.¡± The ominous, small man whispered, as a woody clatter and hiss sounded from the leaf litter and weeds at his feet. Cowardice warred with desperate fury for just a moment, before the muscular green humanoid leapt at his tormentor with a wild, ululating scream of rage. He slashed and flailed his sword wildly, with his eyes closed in the prescribed manner, using the highest level goblin martial arts with consummate skill. With the swiftness of a striking adder, the man¡¯s strange wooden chain weapon lashed out of the weeds and undergrowth, catching him in its coils in mid air. As he thudded to the ground, his sword clattering off onto the road, the man smiled happily at him. ¡°Mindless aggression¡­ classic.¡± Dannyl murmured to the trussed up goblin chief. ¡°We killed your witch doctor by accident, my sweet Maya loves doggies. Hopefully you will have some answers for us, otherwise¡­¡± He shook his head sadly and sighed. ¡°Well, that¡¯s too awful to contemplate right now¡­ Let¡¯s watch my kids finish cutting yours apart, shall we?¡± He took a seat on the creature, still neatly wrapped in several coils of sturdy, thorny, wooden chain links. Lickspittle watched in horror, as a massive silver unicorn rampaged around the perimeter of the battle, trampling and skewering his fleeing warriors and whinnying with equine delight. The humans on the field were just as terrible, hurling the bodies of his underlings aside to land in bloody, sprawling disarray. By the waterside, a huge red gold dog mauled and savaged the few who tried to sneak away down the reed choked banks; he dragged them out screaming and shook them into limp, ragged heaps; dropping the corpses among his previous victims, scattered all around. A dozen of his remaining warriors turned and bolted for the woods, stampeding their way in a tight cluster, lost in animalistic spear wielding, desperate, terror stricken flight. The man seated on the chief stood and unbuttoned a wooden case slung at his hip. Letting another long, slithering chain slip out into the grass; this one made of gleaming, thorny links of sharpened bronze. Still holding the handle of the chain imprisoning the goblin chieftain, he flipped his metal weapon lazily across the grass at the approaching warriors, who remained determined to skewer and trample this lone human and escape. A sudden, fierce, metallic roar cut the already noisy battlefield, as all of the charging goblins fell to the weedy roadside verge in a spray of bloody chunks and severed limbs. ¡°You¡¯re caught in my training weapon¡­ even so, I¡¯m having to really concentrate to avoid turning you into a pile of loose meat.¡± The man said pleasantly, as his metal weapon shook all over like a wet dog, then rolled and thrashed in a patch of clean grass, to get the blood and remnant flesh out of its links. # ¡°Otho! Bad boy! Don¡¯t eat that!¡± Ivy scolded her mutt, who snuffled in disappointment and abandoned what was left of a harpy with a soft grumble of complaint. ¡°Yeah, well if you roll in anything gross, you¡¯ll be sleeping outside for a week, buddy!¡± She shook a tiny, pale finger at the massive dog. ¡°I don¡¯t care if Liam lets Audrey eat goblins¡­ I won¡¯t have it.¡± She waved at Dannyl when he strode into the battlefield in the midst of her tirade. ¡°Get anything out of him?¡± She asked, once the dog was suitably chastised. ¡°Nah, he was just some punk who thought he¡¯d start his own tribe. They came down from the badlands and hooked up with the werebat and his coven in the wilds, probably just coincidence.¡± He settled down into a crouch, looking over the would-be chieftain¡¯s sword. ¡°Nice work, this. Pretty new as well. No maker¡¯s mark, but it¡¯s a decent sword.¡± He eyed a few other real weapons in the pile of junk the kids were collecting. ¡°Do you think, maybe someone has been supplying the gobbs?¡± He asked softly. ¡°I¡¯ve been seeing more and more of them lately, and more with real weapons and tools.¡± ¡°What, like a plot or some kind of scheme? Are you sure you aren¡¯t imagining it?¡± Ivy gave him a stern look. ¡°Ward has much the same worldview Gary had when he showed up¡­ Suspicious, sneaky and always looking for the hidden trick or trap in every kindness.¡± ¡°Yeah, but remember those sprayers and the bags of algae stuff the pirate ghosts had?¡± He murmured softly. ¡°They were ghost pirates, Dan.¡± She grumbled. ¡°I remember¡­ I couldn¡¯t read what the bags said.¡± She growled angrily and continued sorting through the ¡®spoils of battle¡¯. It amounted to a few daggers and kitchen knives, a woodcutter¡¯s ax and a few dozen flint tipped spears and javelins. The chief¡¯s sword landed in the pitifully small pile of goods, beside an only slightly larger pile of scrap metal. Ivy still held the stone headed mace she¡¯d looted from a fallen goblin elite, idly spinning and twirling the surprisingly well made weapon in her hand. ¡°Find something good?¡± He asked, professional interest sparkling in his eyes. ¡°I dunno, I¡¯ll have Wilf and Becky look it over when they are done with the witches¡¯ instruments.¡± She murmured. ¡°Feels good though.¡± She glanced over to where Amy and Becky were holding court with the excited locals. ¡°We should get things buttoned up for the night, soon. I¡¯m worried a party might pop off.¡± ¡°Too late.¡± Dannyl muttered gleefully, as a work crew came stomping out of town and started gathering the corpses, while shooting nervous glances at the tall, silver horned equine still patrolling the treeline. ¡°...Come on over for a garden party, bring the family¡­¡± Amy was chirping and bouncing about like a songbird in springtime, pestering the headman relentlessly. Frankie and Maya had Becky in hand, leading her back to the houses, her arm in a sling. # ¡°...some kind of intoxicant¡­¡± Becky mumbled sleepily, as Frankie put her to bed, under the worried gaze of her husband. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine in a couple hours.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a drug preferred by slavers and flesh peddlers.¡± Frank murmured as they closed the bedroom door after themselves. ¡°It lasts a long time and can become addictive with continued use, mostly it¡¯s a soporific.¡± He frowned darkly. ¡°Redleaf requires real alchemical knowledge to produce and it has a distinct smell that tells users and producers out in civilized lands.¡± ¡°You think someone supplied them? For what? To capture human slaves?¡± Kermal asked softly. ¡°They are too¡­ impulse driven, rapacious and cannibalistic to be manageable.¡± He shuddered at the thought. ¡°Maybe so¡­¡± Frankie muttered darkly. # Ch: 26 It’s Not Easy Being Green Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 26 It¡¯s Not Easy Being Green That night, Amy and the boys kept things very low key, adamant that Becky¡¯s rest be undisturbed. The ¡®party¡¯ amounted to a quiet meeting between the village elders, their spouses, Dannyl, Ivy and Amy. ¡°The filthy things appeared a week ago. We brought everyone in after they harassed an outlying farm. Lucas lost some chickens and sheep¡­¡± Tobias Marcan said quietly. ¡°And his poor dog.¡± Bethany Marcan insisted. ¡°Pommeroy chased them off and never made it home¡­ he saved who knows how many lives!¡± ¡°Yes, dear. We¡¯ll be putting up a monument in the square for midsummer.¡± He soothed his wife gently. ¡°He was one of our puppies¡­¡± The burly woodsman turned mayor sighed sadly. ¡°I assume you sent a message to the authorities?¡± Dannyl insisted gently, as Amy¡¯s eyes started welling up. He neatly headed off a sudden plunge into dog funeral plans and kept them on track. ¡°The duke must be notified, if not.¡± ¡°We sent a message with a fast boat¡­ luckily the little wretches can¡¯t swim.¡± The mayor smiled grimly. ¡°Otherwise I think they¡¯d have tried to attack the town.¡± He nodded to a ring of canals and paddy farms around his village wall, still just visible as the sun set. ¡°Crawdadies.¡± Rio muttered quietly from over by the wisteria arbor. ¡°Gobbs are afraid of murky water cause crawdadies can¡¯t resist them.¡± He smiled at some dark thought of his own. ¡°I suspect it¡¯s some quirk of goblin pheromones¡­ They¡¯d get swarmed within a few dozen heartbeats if they entered the water.¡± ¡°How do you know that, Rio?¡± Amy demanded. ¡°Papa says flesh is just flesh¡­¡± He mumbled awkwardly. ¡°We only used them for bait¡­¡± ¡°Aww, gross!¡± Amy cried loudly¡­ and then she clapped her hands over her mouth, as if that would undisturb any sleeper she might have bothered with her shout. ¡°You could beat a kettle drum over her head tonight, Amy. Becky is out of it.¡± Frank sighed as he sat down in the circle by the fire pit in the garden. ¡°She¡¯ll be fine tomorrow, at least by midday.¡± ¡°We¡¯re going to talk about this tomorrow, Rio. I don¡¯t want any goblins in my storage¡­ ¡®flesh is flesh¡¯ indeed! And papa wonders why the pantheon is leery of him¡­¡± Amy scowled at Rio constantly for the rest of the night. # Once the ¡®Warp Engine¡¯ system was proven, Gary¡¯d built a slightly larger model for Seahorse and full scale version to run Moonrise¡­ and then refused to elaborate further on the matter ever since. When pressed on how it worked, or when asked to similarly equip other vessels, he¡¯d staunchly declined to speak on it. ¡°You¡¯re not ready, yet.¡± Was all he would say Dragonfly, Angie and Rolf¡¯s personal boat was a wedding gift from the Ward family, powered by Seahorse¡¯s transplanted Wardco Ringmotor? engine system. It could deliver crushing, dangerous speeds¡­ at a truly punishing Mana and Stamina cost to the boat¡¯s pilot. That silent, smoothly accelerating engine could easily drain The young ducal heir¡¯s vital energies dry in moments, if he got over enthusiastic. To that end, Rio was at the helm, his nearly boundless recovery ability and long familiarity with the Ringmotor? let him cruise downstream faster than a sprinting horse, without becoming a useless heap of snoring meat. The pair had set out two hours before dawn, intending to meet the party sailing upriver behind them to spread the news. Rolf had impressed upon Rio that they should be careful and take it slow¡­ Even so, the young Adventurer was on the ragged edge, his Mana and Stamina hovering near ten percent, judging by the small glowing crystals mounted in the cheek guard of his helmet. One each of the five yellow and blue gems were lit up, and only dimly. Yellow for Stamina and blue indicating his Mana level. On the other side, under his left eye, all five red jewels were illuminated, indicating Health was tip top. ¡°I see a bowlight ahead.¡± Rolf called back to the lad at the tiller. ¡°Two ships, that¡¯s them.¡± With a soft sigh of relief, Rio eased back on the thrust, letting his pools slowly start creeping back up. ¡°Cover your eyes, I¡¯m going to signal them with the lights.¡± The exhausted Adventurer apprentice murmured. Brilliant illumination streamed from the figurehead, carved in wood and painted jewel bright, in the image of a lace winged, emerald green dragonfly. The light blasted from the faceted glass eyes of the sculpture, showering the darkened river with a radiant glow. ¡°I think they see us, Rio¡­¡± The knight in the bow muttered, as he blinked eyes that were dazzled, even through his eyelids. When his vision cleared, Sir rolf noticed the boy was a little bit slumped over, snoring softly. Oddly, his hands were still on the tiller and eyes open, steering a steady course in his sleep. The older man chuckled wryly and gently took the tiller from his big¡­ ¡®nephew?¡¯ He wondered briefly, then shrugged and moved the lad onto a nearby bench, to sleep until they met with Julius Rummel¡¯s ducal pleasure barge. # ¡°... about a hundred and fifty, some few might have slipped away.¡± Rolf reported to duke Julius in the cozy, plush lounge, with a cup of very fine tea in his hand. ¡°The kids bottled them up pretty tight; they took the leaders and most importantly, they got all the mages and casters.¡± ¡°Troubling¡­¡± Jules muttered sourly. ¡°Goblins, that could get nasty fast. Any other signs?¡± ¡°They had a werebat witch and a coven of three harpies¡­ demon summoners.¡± The blonde lord grumbled to the much taller duke. They were of an age, in their mid twenties, young men, but they both bore the signs of experience and hard lessons in their bearing and on their scarred, warrior¡¯s hands. ¡°My kids stuffed the summons back in its reliquary, but that they had one at all is deeply concerning.¡± ¡°We have been seeing more activity as well, goblin raiders slipping through the high mountain passes in small groups, mostly.¡± Jocomo grumbled his agreement, from a plush velvet settee with Gabbie snuggled close to his side. ¡°If this is a sign of things to come, we will have work to do on our return.¡± ¡°Tell me more about this ¡®summon¡¯ they were in possession of, what do we know so far?¡± Gabbie urged gently, her musical voice and relaxed posture belied by a hard edge to her gaze when she posed her request. ¡°Franklin Knubble, one of our apprentices stifled their magic and released their torture victims¡¯ souls, before their ritual could call it forth.¡± Rolf muttered quietly. ¡°They captured a few sheep and a farmer¡¯s pet dog, this time¡­ but it could just as easily have been a person in their clutches.¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ secure?¡± Duchess Emma asked gently. ¡°You¡¯re certain it didn¡¯t escape?¡± ¡°Positive. It¡¯s being handled by Wilford and Amy; considering where we are going, whatever it is, it¡¯s in for a bad time.¡± Rolf chuckled darkly. Grim looks on every face soured the young lord¡¯s amusement quickly, as they considered the ramifications. ¡°Now come on¡­ you know him¡­ He¡¯s been reclusive and unwell for a while, but he¡¯s still the same person.¡± Rolf grumbled at the gathered nobles and notables in the lounge. ¡°He¡¯s my friend and comrade.¡± He insisted firmly. ¡°You¡¯ll see.¡± ¡°Well said, lord Belen, well said indeed.¡± Her grace, duchess Grace said smoothly, cutting the gathering tension with effortless¡­ grace. Her tranquil and elegant movements as she poured the tea eased their minds, as did the aromatic steam that washed over the small group. ¡°A journey to see old friends and celebrate should be a joyous one¡­ just as this unlooked for victory is cause for celebration.¡± ¡°I really should have gone to visit on one of your trips, Grace¡­ Now, after so long it feels awkward.¡± Julius muttered unhappily. ¡°I feel like he must have¡­ changed¡­ after all that.¡± All eyes turned to Rolf, who shrugged helplessly. ¡°He¡¯s still the same¡­ Perhaps a little stranger, but far less powerful.¡± The burly blonde lord soothed the company, though his face landed on a self satisfied and slightly obnoxious smirk at the end. ¡°His kids, however¡­ They are shaping up very well indeed.¡± Rolf muttered with unalloyed pleasure. ¡°Watching them in action is absolutely terrifying; especially considering he has four more, just coming into their own powers.¡± His smug smile lingered for a while, stinking up the place with those damn dimples he and the rest of the Belens so enjoyed showing off. ¡°You really are insufferable, Rolf.¡± Duchess Emma giggled at last. ¡°Come along Grace, let¡¯s go peek in on Rio, the poor dear. He¡¯s tucked in a stateroom, just this way.¡± The two duchesses giggled together and crept away to check on the exhausted lad, like a pair of excited teenagers. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. When they departed, Gabriella Rex, empress of Light sighed and leaned on her husband. ¡°They¡¯ve grown so much, and I hardly got to visit at all.¡± ¡°Empress of my heart¡­ we couldn¡¯t have maintained the illusion of military tension between the duchies and the empire, if you constantly made state visits to Wheatford.¡± Jocomo whispered softly. ¡°State visit, smate visit!¡± She sassed her husband in a very reasonable and well considered manner, as befits the empress of countless souls. ¡°We could have hopped on a boat and been there and back¡­¡± ¡°Shush, my love. Your terrible witch friend will no doubt understand the political realities.¡± Jocomo sighed sadly. ¡°Even if he is a blasphemy against all that is holy.¡± # Wilf had the blasphemous musical instruments laid out on his workbench on a clean white shroud, embroidered all around with spells of containment and restraint. Likewise, his workbench was covered in chalk markings and surrounded by an arcane barrier of braided monster spider silk. The ¡®Circle Of Fifths¡¯ was another Ward family speciality, a mystical barrier and metaphysical bulwark, crafted of monster spider silk, knotted and braided in a mind bendingly complex weave that incorporated a number of spells in its structure, somehow. The device was then decorated with talismans, charms, ink drawn sutras, monster bone and tooth trinkets and tiny glowing paper lanterns, all strung up on freestanding wooden stanchions. At the center of all that, Wilf stood in multiple layers of magical restraint, as he studied the awful things. ¡°Yeah, these are new made, less than a year old.¡± Wilf muttered to Amy, who sat nearby with a still groggy Becky. ¡°Someone is practicing the dark arts, out there, really dark stuff.¡± ¡°Necromancer, demon cult or something else?¡± Amy asked gently, with a nervous glance at her aunt. ¡°Definitely something else.¡± The young artisan answered firmly. ¡°The thing they were trying to call is a ravenous, mindless hunger, all claws, teeth and wings¡­ but it would have only been able to manifest for a few minutes. This is a weapon, a terror weapon that would probably consume the summoners too.¡± ¡°Triumvirate cultists.¡± Becky sighed sleepily. ¡°Breakaway hardliners dedicated to Craft, War and Order¡­ They have been troublesome around the edges of human lands. Pestering Beast¡¯s folk too.¡± # The sun was just breaking through the fog, on ducal pleasure yacht Driftwood. The tall, gleaming craft was all pale blue and white paintwork and bright polished brass, as she plowed up the river, under the guidance of three talented wind and water workers. The imperial trader luffed a set of sails into Driftwood¡¯s breeze, while her own propulsion mages worked their spells to speed the two vessels along. ¡°Do you think they¡¯re just deadenders, kicking and fussing over the loss of their Contracts, cults and positions in society?¡± Lord Pangbourne asked calmly, in the lounge. ¡°Or do we perhaps have something more concerning growing in the hinterlands?¡± ¡°If a human agency or cult is aiding these creatures¡­¡± Rolf grumbled, disliking this train of thought intensely. ¡°We here in this group have a better idea of what occurred on the night of the madman¡¯s moon than most. Yet I find myself guessing at exactly what occurred and why¡­¡± ¡°Even Becky and Shai know nothing more than we. He refuses to elaborate, beyond vague claims.¡± Grace sighed sadly. ¡°Perhaps we will learn more, or at least find out more about what we don¡¯t know, this midsummer.¡± ¡°Has anyone tried pressing the children for answers?¡± Jocomo asked calmly, before Gabbie swatted him across the face with a pillow. ¡°Don¡¯t any of you dare!¡± She hissed at the group, especially Jocomo. ¡°You¡¯d best not try and interrogate poor Rio, who wore himself out bringing us this news!¡± ¡°I suspect that if we keep our ears open and mouths closed, we will learn far more than any direct questions could ever reveal.¡± Rolf spoke calmly to the entire room. ¡°I propose that we all share any nuggets we glean, pooling our information together.¡± Gabbie and the two duchesses nodded enthusiastically, as did most of the men. Only Jocomo seemed reluctant. ¡°Sharing intelligence is like sharing one set of undershorts. Someone¡¯s arse is going to get chafed.¡± He grumbled sourly. # Around third bell, Rio¡¯s earcuff crackled and hummed back to life, while he was lounging on the bowsprit, pointedly not answering any of the questions the nobles were desperate to ask, yet had not given voice¡­ ¡°Hey, Checking in¡­ All good here, I¡¯m on Duke Rummel¡¯s yacht.¡± He murmured quietly. ¡°Duke Jules, how many fighting hands do you have on this boat?¡± He asked casually. ¡°Ten marines, ten sailors, the captain and three officers¡­ and my guard of six¡­ My guests have their retainers and bodyguards along.¡± He replied, as his eyes narrowed at the young man. The empress looked over to her steeply raked, three masted frigate, dressed out as a swift merchant trader. ¡°I have a dozen imperial seamen aboard, six elite marines and my guardian Whispers¡­ Along with my three pirate princesses.¡± Gabbie blushed a deep purple plum color and smiled winsomely. ¡°They came along to meet Amy specifically, they are all huge fangirls.¡± ¡°Amy wants to beat the woods around town and make sure we didn¡¯t miss any of them. She really wants to make sure that these guys are done for¡­¡± He winced and held his ear cuff out from his tender lobe for a moment. ¡°Yeah, Wilf¡¯s hopping mad too. I guess they were up to something really nasty¡­ this is going to get ugly.¡± # ¡°Blood feud.¡± Wilf said coldly, then crossed his arms and would say nothing more; he did continually rub at a set of layered, puckered white scars on his right wrist. They appeared to be a twinned pair of puncture wounds; to the woods wise, they would appear not unlike the bite of the greater black deathadder¡­ Though no one ever survived even a single bite from one of those rare serpents. ¡°That¡¯s it. He won¡¯t be moved on this. Until we¡¯re certain they are wiped out we can¡¯t leave.¡± Amy said just as firmly as her much larger brother, with Frank, Maya and Benny lined up behind her. The adults¡¯ eyes all turned to Rio, who shrugged and stepped in line with his team. ¡°Team Ragamuffin all the way.¡± He muttered. Duke Julius¡¯ six marines had marched down the town dock behind a spiffy, shiny, young ensign of the ducal navy and moved into a warehouse requisitioned for their use. The team of hard bitten veterans would remain to secure Bywater town against any further threats, and give their young officer a bit of scuffing up in the field, as all such youngsters needed. Ensign Walter Enfield Winthorp Erganz the fourth took poorly the news that the young Adventure greenies planned to stay on and seek his prey, independently¡­ He dealt with it poorly indeed. ¡°¡­a slight to my honor and undermines my command athority¡­¡± He fumed at the duke¡¯s bodyguard lieutenant, Bronwynn ¡®The Hammer¡¯. Most men would be courteous to a lady with a name like that, especially if she was leaning on a very businesslike sledge hammer of oddly elegant craft. The thing was etched with whorls, glyphs and sigils from alien languages and alphabets unknown to any sage or scholar. From the grip, studded with bronze nails for a positive grip, even when things get ¡®moist¡¯ or ¡®splattery¡¯, to the hefty, case hardened head it was a subtle, sublime work of art. Bronwyn¡¯s Reasoned Argument: Enchanted sledge hammer, Spiritual enchantments, Rarity; unique. Rank, copper. Effect: Ring My Bell; hardened, resistant and armored targets suffer enhanced damage and may pick up harmonic vibrations. Harmonic vibrations will weaken hardened structures or target significantly with each impact. Ridgid, crystalline or imobile targets or objects suffer increased effects. Effect: Maxwell¡¯s Silver Hammer; This weapon is capable of striking immaterial, spiritual or ephemeral entities, constructs or substances. This weapon is highly inimical to outsiders, undead, the incorporeal and constructs. Further details occult. Consult a witch for further information. *When all you have is a Hammer¡­* The young lordling was still going on and on about the ¡®dignity of his house¡¯ and ¡®command prerogatives¡¯. He was starting to feel like a hammer problem. ¡°My lord, this comes from the duke. Team Ragamuffin is independent and is most emphatically not in your chain of command.¡± She grumbled directly into the dapper young naval officer¡¯s face, fogging his cap¡¯s brightwork with her breath. ¡°Please address further complaints to the duke.¡± As she marched back up the gangway, the young lord was almost certain she muttered something about hammers and nails¡­ # The ducal vessels hung around for three long days, as Team Ragamuffin quartered the woods around the town, searching as far afield as their combined travel gifts would allow, by land and water. No trace of any stray gobbs, harpies or other unseelie fae lurkers could be found, beyond the local residents. There were a few fae entities in the deep woods and mires that were on the less civil and gregarious side, but their natural abhorrence of iron and men served to keep them far from the lands where humans dwelt. Troggs, mudmen, Leaffolk and spriggans preferred swampy, inaccessible and remote places; the better to be left alone. Minor, solitary fae beings of the land would invariably hide if men came near, as they had for so very long. Rio¡¯s flute could call them out, so long as the others remained still and didn¡¯t draw any weapons, or even pull simple iron objects out. The merest glimpse of a cast iron cookpot would send them fleeing for their deepest hidey holes. Likewise, the chaotic, turbulent energies pouring off of Rio, Wilf and Amy would spook them, if any of the three came near or became agitated. Dryads and the more powerful fae could tolerate being near an open gateway into the eternal void, the essential ether. Less potent entities found themselves tossed about in a tempest of wild, unconstrained magic¡­ to which mortals remained largely oblivious. Franklin Knubbel¡¯s aura whispered of deep, shady groves and undisturbed woodland pools, brambles of ripe berries and wildflowers blooming in meadows untouched by man. His shadow smelt of the darkest of the hillside thickets, dim, earthy and mysterious, calling the spirits, pixies and lesser sprites of the forest to him. He sat in a shady dell, resting his bottom on a camp stool crafted without the touch of iron tools, from a single haunted, formerly demon possessed manzanita tree. His flute of golden, rock maple; harvested from an elder dryad¡¯s favorite tree with her permission and carved by a mad witch from another world, possessed a pitch unlike any other. His sweet, tranquil flute sang a song that the forest denizens couldn¡¯t resist; evoking the trickle of spring melt down a frozen waterfall, songbirds at courtship and the very essence of springtime. The rest of the team watched from the periphery, sitting very still and being quiet¡­ All things Team Ragamuffin was notoriously bad at, in general. In this case, they sat rapt, watching as a small swarm of flickering lights, half seen shadows and shifting, imperceptible shadows clustered thickly around their comrade, whispering in his ears and touching him gently. ¡°Confirmed, there¡¯s no more goblin or harpy activity in the region¡­¡± Frankie said softly, when he rejoined the group a half hour later. ¡°There¡¯s a clan of flying fox people three days up the mountains from where the marsh ends¡­ so maybe a week¡¯s journey away, but they¡¯re fruit eaters, true vegetarians and notoriously peaceful¡­ according to my gnome buddy, Sniflivitz.¡± A stout little fellow in a bright white band collared shirt and workman¡¯s dungarees doffed his jolly yellow, brimless cap and bowed to the company. He chattered a greeting in his language of soft whistles, coos and trills, which Amy translated silently for Maya and Benny, the only non weirdos in the party. ¡°Hello humans! How pleasant to meet you¡­ Oh, my¡­ You are all very large¡­¡± Becky dutifully translated for the ten inch tall man; who flushed a bright, flaming red, before he ducked out of sight among the bracken ferns and mossy stones, with a squeak of profound embarrassment. ¡°They¡¯re a little flighty¡­¡± Frank murmured apologetically, once the little fellow was safely away and they were marching for their home, just down the road from Bywater Town. ¡°You better get in character, Amy¡­ your fangirls are all watching.¡± Rio whispered with a grin, as they stepped out of the dark, woodland trails and onto the wide, well traveled roadside. The little village of temporary dwellings and its attached pier were bustling and busy, swarming with people. The ducal yacht and the imperial frigate were moored side by side, with Moonrise and the two skiffs taking up most of the rest of the space. Townies strolled the gardens, on the way into or out of the trading post, shopping in small groups. Off duty sailors and marines were scattered around taking advantage of the baths, as well as lookie loos and sightseers, come to see what the mad little village was all about. The crowd gave the little meadow something of a country fair atmosphere, with children, young folks and oldsters all out in the sunshine after a few stressful days and nights. On the deck of the frigate, a young woman in the uniform of an imperial naval captain called to her comrades. Soon there were three young women, all in captain¡¯s uniforms, standing at the rail watching the group of youngsters intently, as they came home from the woods. On cue, the Ragamuffins began to swagger, strut and boisterously jackass each other about, while Amy ruled over her unruly flock, proud as a peacock in her bright coat of cobalt blue. She twirled her flaring, long coattails; stirring them in the breeze and showing off the startling, crimson and gold damask lining. At the edge of the woods, the rest had swiftly changed out of their sensible, workaday gear and dressed in colorful, ridiculous pirate finery, suitable for a farcical play on the stage. Gone was the functional, if exotic armor of trapdoor silk and sculpted wooden laminate plates; they were replaced with flowing sashes, blouses with flaring sleeves that danced in the shore breeze and colorful silk caps, adorned with exotic feathers, strange animal teeth and barbaric fetishes carved of monster bone or shell. Maya sported a cunning pegleg illusion, with her actual lower extremity tucked up in her loose pirate pantaloons of striped linen,with bright green silk piping at the cuffs and seams. Benny sported an ersatz hook-hand and two eyepatches¡­ because he was a big goofball, sometimes. The patches were costume pieces, enchanted to allow full, unimpeded vision, through some magical trickery that was probably best left unexamined. They kids trooped over to the tall river stone house with the red tile roof and marched inside, loudly calling out piratical stereotypes and cliches like: ¡®Yarr!¡¯ and ¡®Shiver Me Timbers!¡¯ for no obvious reason. Captain Hermione Talisker, of her imperial majesty¡¯s own navy sighed, when the deranged group of kids vanished into their improbable, if not impossible little home. ¡°I really hope they are just fucking with us¡­¡± She sighed to Bethany and Elaine, her peers and comrades in the empress¡¯ pet pirate princess project. ¡°I dunno¡­ that big one had two eyepatches¡­ no one would just¡­ wait, two?¡± Bethany flushed bright red under her dark olive complexion and sat back down, too embarrassed to go on. Elaine scoffed and snorted at Bethany and flopped back into her hammock with a sigh. ¡°They¡¯ve got to be taking the piss.¡± # Ch: 27 Killing Time Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 27 Killing Time Count Liam¡¯s spear point glittered and sparkled in the sunlight, dazzling his foe with rainbows and scattered lances of brilliance. When the bigger man flinched from the blinding lights, the young warrior lord struck without hesitation in a swift, economical movement. He spun his hips, redirecting his weapon and lashing out for the foe¡¯s left leg, a perennial weak spot on the wily musician. This time nothing was there¡­ the broad, richly decorated but still highly utilitarian weapon swept through empty air, rather than shearing armor, striking flesh, then bone. The count smiled, as he rolled to the right and lashed out with his left fist, burying it in Gary¡¯s innards, right betwixt his belt buckle and belly button. While the madman coughed, choked and hurled his breakfast onto the lawn. The bigger man began to gasp out a stream of incoherent curses, as he struggled to rise. Seeing the movement, Liam took a graceful half pivot and drove his spear down on his gasping, helpless old friend; through his heart, pinning him to the earth. # He helped his friend to his feet, once the illusory spear composed of light, fog, mist and magic evaporated into a pleasant smell; releasing the mad witch from his own sorceries and strange glamors. ¡°You really have come a long way, brother. That took real effort!¡± Liam gasped, as they sank to a bench together and started chewing on Liam¡¯s sticky, delicious apricot and orange post workouts treats. ¡°You nearly got me a couple times there¡­ I¡¯ll let you go berry picking in the nearby woods tomorrow, but only if the boys will keep an eye on you.¡± ¡°Gods, you suck.¡± Gary grumbled and chuckled at his oldest friend in this, or any world. ¡°I promise, if you landed where I come from, they would have had to scrape you off the road with a shovel on day one.¡± He sighed through a mouthful of ¡®Turkish-De-Lectrolytes¡¯?. ¡°Truck-kun would have dusted you off to the next world before your etheric slime dried.¡± ¡°All these years, you still make no sense, mooncalf.¡± Liam sighed with a fond, almost paternal smile. ¡°Yeah, but Shai likes me.¡± He sighed happily, as the two men ambled off to the baths, stuffing their pipes with dangerous things¡­ Since the ladies and the kids were away, monster hunting in the wilds. ¡°Got any more of that headband strain of yours¡± It felt like a sweet, kindly grandma knitted an alpaca wool sweater for my brain.¡± Gary muttered around his pipestem. ¡°So warm, snug and fuzzy¡­¡± ¡°I have more work to do on that strain¡­¡± He had a shifty look in his almond shaped, dark eyes. Something about the ¡®I could star in a korean drama, but it¡¯s no big deal¡¯, good looks of the athletic, muscular and profoundly talented warrior nobleman failed to convince the strange musician. ¡°Seriously, does it cause a little paranoia? Couch lock? I always have the munchies¡­ I can handle it¡­¡± He wheedled and moaned piteously. ¡°It¡¯s a little haunted, right now¡­ I used your magical, cursed garden tool on it two weeks ago.¡± Liam grumbled, seeming embarrassed. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were coming¡­ I was going to bring some as a gift when we visited you, in a few weeks¡­ for midsummer, like we planned.¡± Now he looked irritated and embarrassed. ¡°So, you did use your spade on it! Organic gardening, my ass! I knew it¡­¡± He splashed and flailed in the bath like an idiot, exulting in his brother¡¯s confession, all without extinguishing his pipe. ¡°It¡¯s like cheating¡­ enchanted garden tools and agricultural curses¡­¡± He sighed at last. ¡°Tawny and I both think when it¡¯s ready it might help your¡­ condition, but it¡¯s still under the influence of your witchcraft.¡± The disappointed look on the poor stoned boy¡¯s face was pitiful, until the handsome count passed over his smoldering briar and grinned. ¡°I have others though¡­ I call this one Chuckleberry¡­ cause it tastes faintly of berries.¡± The count giggled merrily, as he passed over the pipe. ¡°So why the chuckle, part?¡± His brother coughed and snickered into the fragrant, now smoky steam. ¡°Whaddaya mean?¡± Liam sputtered, half submerging himself in his mirth. ¡°I mean¡­¡± Gary guffawed and chortled himself back upright after an unexpected change in the pool¡¯s depth¡­ or maybe his legs had suddenly gotten shorter? Either way it was hilarious. ¡°I mean, why Chuckleberry?¡± He gasped as his laughter slowly subsided. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s a workout for the laughin¡¯ muscles¡­¡± The poor boy¡¯s brain caught up with the rest of him a moment later. ¡°Oh, right¡­ Gotcha.¡± Liam was quietly smirking and being absurdly proud of himself, over by the fragrant, magical vanilla orchids. ¡°...what a jerk.¡± Gary cheerfully grumbled and complained, as he re-lit the pipe for another round. ¡°I¡¯m surprised you are so calm¡­¡± Liam said finally, once they were both just two guys, smoked stupid and floating in a magic hotspring. ¡°This is the kids¡¯ first ¡®real¡¯ Adventure. Goblins are no threat, unless you are foolish enough to treat them as a non threat.¡± The soggy lord murmured to his brother. ¡°I¡¯m not calm at all¡­ I¡¯m all twisted up like a rusty chain inside¡­ My kids are facing danger and I have my thumb firmly up my ass.¡± He mumbled unhappily. ¡°Sure, I could dash off and get there, then what? I¡¯m unranked and just using my gifts to get there would squeeze me dry.¡± He murmured quietly. ¡°Wilf, Amy and Rio; they¡¯re better than I ever was, better than I¡¯ll probably ever be¡­ and they¡¯re just getting started.¡± He sighed in utter contentment. ¡°I¡¯ll spend the rest of my life creating the best equipment and supplies I can... For them.¡± He hopped up on the curb and produced a mundane acoustic guitar, strumming idly into Rainbow Connection; like he always did when worried about his kids. ¡°What could I do even if I were there?¡± He smiled, the way he always did, just a little sad and just a little angry, if one knew where to look. ¡°I know, brother¡­¡± The young Adventurer nobleman shook his head, rose and began toweling off. ¡°But you are not just your abilities. Quit sulking and come on, I want to look at your latest alchemical experiments.¡± He rolled his towel deftly and snapped it at his laggard brother in the ancient and traditional manner. # ¡°You are really leaning into the poisons¡­¡± Liam muttered warily, down in the lab, nearly lost in a maze of complex, glittering glassware tubes, carboys, and ominously bubbling vats. ¡°I don¡¯t have little ones in the house any more¡­ and we see a lot of toxins, venoms and other nasties in the business.¡± Gary was a different creature down here, confident, relaxed and in his element. This was the Gary no one ever saw in the surface dwelling, daylit world, unless he was hiding behind a musical instrument or butchering something unnatural. ¡°I¡¯m largely immune to most poisons; so it¡¯s safer for me to experiment with them than any normie¡­ Don¡¯t open that.¡± Liam slowly and carefully drew his hand back from what had appeared to be a jar of bright colored marbles, in a rainbow of candylike hues. ¡°Toxins?¡± He asked, once he was certain he remained uncontaminated. ¡°Nope, glamour fireworks.¡± The madman muttered, as he rooted around in his big cabinet of weird trinkets and strange finds. ¡°All illusions and alchemical powders, mixed with a little low energy witchcraft. I¡¯ll show you those later, it¡¯ll be fun on a bun. For now¡­ I need you to hold this tuning fork in your teeth and tell me when you hear three long tones.¡± This was far from the first, the oddest or even the most random request the mad wizard had made of his brother, comrade in arms and friend. The young warrior count went along without question; standing on one foot, patting his head and rubbing his tummy, with a silver tuning fork clenched between his teeth for a good long while. The two men worked together in comradely silence; in a dark basement workshop, whose walls seemed at times strangely distant, or perhaps entirely absent¡­ as though they floated in a limitless void. ¡°They will be home soon, my friend¡­ you shouldn¡¯t take all your worries out on¡­ or into your crafts, brother. That thing is¡­ unsettling.¡± Liam said at last, when Gary placed his finished project on a long, heavy rod of carefully worked ironwood. Two bronze rivets mated the javelin head of dark, oily looking black metal to its shaft. The sound of his files, grinding and buffing tools reminded the count of the ringing in his ears after a close lightning strike, jarring, energetic and impossible to ignore. The thing was short, for a spear class weapon, longer and lighter than the short spear typically favored for close combat. Unlike a harpoon or lance, it was unbarbed; instead, the slim shaft merged seamlessly into a narrow, thick spined, double edged, stiff blade, with an armor piercing point. The foot and a half long, darkly shiny, wet looking metal blade was balanced on the butt end with a four inch long mirror image of the dark metal tip; the edges were blunted, but it was pointed enough to be a credible threat, without posing a danger to the wielder. Intricate traceries and lines in paint and wax indicated where he would be continuing the work by eldritch means, once his wife got home with her functional Mana system. Gary noticed Liam¡¯s gaze and stiffened in embarrassment. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me like that¡­ I¡¯m not crippled¡­ physically¡­ anymore... this time.¡± He mumbled, growing sulky again. The young count just reached out and pulled his friend into a silent hug that lasted just a little too¡­ not long enough. ¡°Come on¡­ off to bed. They¡¯ll all come roaring back tomorrow and give you a heap of laundry and dishes to do.¡± Liam promised cheerfully, as he turned the musician toward the stairs and started shoving. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°Yeah, laundry day¡­¡± He mumbled tiredly, becoming obedient as exhaustion took him. # Kree and Mariah were getting along famously, buzzing around and holding hands as they investigated every blossom the party encountered. The older boys ranged ahead, stalking the woods seeking game, under the guidance of a veteran Adventurer from the count¡¯s household. Shai, Tawny and the two insect girls were escorted by Harry, that the ladies might enjoy a leisurely stroll in the woods while the boys received valuable instruction from their elder. At thirteen, soon to be fourteen Harry felt the age gap between himself and his brothers a little more keenly today. After Midsummer¡¯s day, they would be badged Adventurer apprentices and one more long step ahead of him. It was a little galling that he would be celebrating a birth day as well¡­ just not the big one. He swallowed down a knot of disappointment, seasoned with a little guilty jealousy and envy for his brothers and kept his eyes on the woods. # Perry¡¯s bowstring thrummed softly from the shade of a wide oak tree, his shaft pinning the slow moving bug to the tree before the weapon finished droning its single note. By daylight, moondrinker dragonflies were a joy to behold, flitting through the trees in flashes of rainbow hues, scattering rainbows whenever the sun struck the jewel toned insect predators. Unfortunately, they had a tendency to become too numerous and far too large, if unchecked. This example was seven feet long, of a size where it could snatch large poultry, pets or even a small child, if it were to wander farther down the valley. ¡°The god of Beasts rejoices in our hunt, even as he mourns our prey¡­ Until we meet again¡­¡± He whispered, as Larry and Barry joined him for the short prayer, emerging form the woods, their own bows ready. ¡°Nice shot¡­ You didn¡¯t even break any carapace segments!¡± Barry murmured appreciatively, while he worked to disassemble the body of the giant insect for transport. Larry already had the precious wings cut free, wrapped up and tucked into his storage gift. The eight, five foot long, two foot wide elongated ovals glinted and shone like the finest stained glass, delicate, colorful and ever so fragile. Papa would be ecstatic to get the full set¡­ and undamaged too! Together, the three young lads slipped through the woods to rejoin the party on the road, with a little light foraging in the wooded verge on either side. Harry smiled with just a little satisfaction as Malus, the ugly, bent nosed, slab muscled captain of the count¡¯s guard barked at them for ¡®lollygagging¡¯ and ¡®sniffing the pretty flowers¡¯ with one breath, then began casting aspersions on their prey and foraged goods with the next. ¡°When I was your age, we¡¯d make a whole meal for the troop, from whatever we found in a roadside ditch!¡± He grumbled and fussed incessantly, making contradictory demands and criticizing them relentlessly for every fault, real or imagined. He examined the remains of the enormous dragonfly next and scoffed at Perry¡¯s kill. ¡°Went for a trick shot, rather than just getting the job done, boy! That¡¯s a fool¡¯s choice!¡± He barked, gesturing with one thick scarred finger at the neat hole punched between the creature¡¯s armored segments, just behind its head. ¡°Bahh, you scratched this segment with your incompetence, boy! Ruined valuable materials!¡± He scolded Perry a little while longer, before moving on to Larry and Barry. ¡°You spratlings well rested, after watching your brother do all the work?¡± He demanded, waving his finger in their faces for the full effect. In a few short moments, he had the three lads formed up and marching down the road in fine form. He still chivvied and barked at them, when he wasn¡¯t blowing on his damnable whistle. Their obnoxious putz of a father had gifted the older Adventurer the small, tin snail, with a tiny bead of cork in its rounded shell portion. Malus took delight in its shrill, ear piercing, warbling trill. ¡°Never could learn to whistle, meself!¡± He chortled, between nerve shattering blasts on the toy hung from a lanyard around his neck. Just when the boys thought it couldn¡¯t get worse, their instructor called a halt, half a mile from anything, anywhere. ¡°Here¡¯s our prey, boys. Your first official monster hunt¡­ a trapdoor spider!¡± He grinned, showing his crooked, yellowed teeth in a disturbing and awful display of cruel mirth, as the boys groaned. ¡°This one is special, it¡¯s been preying on stinkroaches and giant centipedes from the local caves for a while.¡± Now the old coot looked positively ecstatic. ¡°Rankest, most vile stench I¡¯ve smelt in a while.¡± Harry snorted his giggle back under control, as Barry and Perry turned a little green, just at the thought. That seemed to only encourage the awful geezer. ¡°Yes, lads, bring a knife and fork for the air you¡¯ll breathe! The smell you¡¯ll be wading through is thick as good stew! It¡¯s a full meal, and you¡¯ll need to chew well to get it down.¡± ¡°So, we can use our stink rings, right?¡± Perry mumbled, with a forlornly hopeful look in his eyes. The older warrior just smiled and adjusted his own tiny bronze earcuff. ¡°Trainees must use mundane equipment for their evaluation¡­¡± He answered smugly. ¡°Don¡¯t you worry though¡­¡± He assured them with a benign smile. ¡°I¡¯ll have mine on, to be sure; it¡¯s so kind of you to worry for this old man! I¡¯ll be upwind and holding this bouquet of flowers as well.¡± He brandished a splendid cluster of aromatic herbs and blossoms from the garden back home. He struck a demure pose, smiling winsomely at the three boys. ¡°I feel so pretty, like a bride on her wedding day¡­¡± He sighed, as he took a deep sniff of his floral arrangement. ¡°Now, let¡¯s march, boys. You decide how you¡¯re taking it, I¡¯ll just be observing.¡± # Kree, the sugar wasp princess nestled herself in countess Tawny¡¯s golden hair, beside Maraiah the wildfire plum dryad and sighed in a high buzzing tone. ¡°No fair, Shai¡¯s gonna go watch... Why do we have¡¯ta stay here?¡± She demanded, while the boys and their supervisor trooped off down a narrow trail into the woods, as Shai vanished a moment later. ¡°You can¡¯t use the magic needed to approach that creature¡¯s lair and even if you could¡­¡± Tawny spoke firmly to the two tiny humanoid insect girls, while Harry busied himself setting up a simple wayside camp. ¡°The beast is uniquely adapted to prey on small, flying creatures, you would be at great risk of becoming trapped in its webs.¡± Tawny¡¯s firm, sensible guidance went over just as well as one might expect¡­ Poorly. ¡°I ain¡¯t scared of any ol¡¯ spider!¡± Kree buzzed and chattered, waving her tiny, intricately wrought, swept hilted bronze rapier fiercely, in close proximity to the countess¡¯ face. ¡°I¡¯ll sting him good!¡± ¡°Sweetie, if you poke me with that, I will be very badly injured¡­¡± Tawny murmured very softly to the insect child. ¡°Let¡¯s settle down and have some tea, while Harry has a rest, he¡¯s been working so hard.¡± ¡°Yeah, I ¡®spose¡­¡± She buzzed, nuzzling the golden priestess fondly. ¡°Harry, bring us refreshments, then and only then may you take your ease!¡± The hive princess clapped her hands and eyed her sluggish retainer with disappointment. ¡°It''s so difficult to find good help these days¡­¡± She sighed to Mariah. Harry flipped his papa¡¯s familiar a cheerfully rude gesture and stuck out his tongue at her. ¡°Host your own teaparty, sugarcube¡­ I¡¯m gonna have a nap!¡± The two very dissimilar almost siblings had a long, satisfying and very productive argument, over who exactly was servant to whom. Each made imperious demands, scolded and scoffed in high handed, commanding terms; They circled round and round, until they settled down exhausted and giggling together, whispering merrily over a steaming tea service as they served their auntie and her silent, giant bodyguard, Bran. ¡°He¡¯s the most like Gary¡­¡± Tawny whispered to Mariah, when the two were snuggled together for a nap beneath a tree, the enormous adventurer standing watch in silence nearby. ¡°Nothing he ever says is to be taken seriously, save for odd moments of profundity and deeper wisdom.¡± She sighed a little sadly. ¡°Like his japing, jesting fool of a father, he remains a deeply troubled and dangerous person. Harry is perhaps the most worrying of them all, considering Gary¡¯s continued frailty.¡± Mariah smiled sweetly up at Tawny, seeming the very image of innocence and guileless purity of intent. ¡°Certainly, because uncle Gary is sick.¡± She hummed merrily. ¡°Mariah, are you keeping a secret from me?¡± Tawny asked gently, peering at the little red gold insect child with dawning suspicion. ¡°Auntie¡­ I¡¯m only a few days old, how would I have a secret?¡± She asked, through a huge yawn, before she released her grip on the golden tresses of the lady Kinnis and buzzed over to join in the naptime fun. # The young Adventurer candidates¡¯ tall, red haired mother vanished into the forest, slipping between the trees like a ghost, following at a discrete distance. She moved unseen and unheard through the woods, despite the softly tinkling bells at her hips. She stalked them, silencing her magical, musical chimes with a flex of her Will. They continued to provide their benefits to her, increasing her native Mana, Stamina Etheric and Health regeneration rates. She smiled and stroked the shining sash of braided metal strands and silk that had become her first Contract and her boy¡¯s first true gift to her. A lady couldn¡¯t count a murder shovel as a courting gift¡­ could she? # They marched down a barely cleared woodland trail for nearly an hour, perhaps two miles on the narrow, partially overgrown track. A quarter mile in, they passed a neatly built cabin, snug, well roofed and boarded up tight as a drum. The small, neatly laid out garden had run riot, showing weeks of rampant overgrowth at least. Oddly, no herbivores had nipped by for a snack, there was no sign of animal activity, not even insects, aside from flies. Big, bloated, disgusting direflies buzzed lazily in the shade of the fruit trees, their glossy, jewel tone butts seemed lovely at first, glinting in the dappled shade of the trees. ¡°Nice place¡­ do you think they left because of the trapdoor?¡± Barry asked, standing in the tall, rank verdure of the neglected yard. Larry opened his mouth to propose a theory or answer of his own, just as the breeze shifted a little¡­ # ¡°...oh, that¡¯s rank¡­¡± Larry gagged somewhere ahead; drawing her back into the moment, from her mental wanderings ¡°Hyurrrk!¡± That could have been any or all of the boys, since vomiting tended to all sound the same, regardless of who might be tossing their most recent meal onto the ground. ¡°That¡¯s why yer mistress Shai insister yer breakfast was to be porridge, lads¡­ yer mother really cares fer ye.¡± The older man mocked her boys mercilessly, confidently secure in the enchantment of his own stink band. The tiny bronze ear cuff the veteran wore created a tiny pool of fresh air around his head, magically extracting noxious ¡®sulfidies¡¯ and ¡®hydrocarbins¡¯ from the air in a small radius¡­ or some such nonsense. Truly her husband¡¯s crafts remained largely a mystery to her, even after all this time. Shai eavesdropped and snooped shamelessly, knowing that Malaus was highly unlikely to sense her presence, and that the boys were wholly unaware that they were under her fond, maternal glare. # Barry rinsed his mouth from his waterskin and made a sour face at the veteran, still smiling in undisguised enjoyment at the young Adventurer candidate¡¯s troubles. ¡°Now now, boys¡­ none of that sass, I¡¯m your superior officer, endowed by the law and his lordship with command over you poor waifs.¡± They kept on, past the little house and up into the rugged, stony hills of the valley side. The trail became much wider, due to the awful number of stones poking up through the thin, dusty soil. As they left behind thistle, gorse, sedge and briars; those thorny nuisances that pushed in on either side of the trail swiftly became fondly remembered companions. The snags, pokes jutting limbs and wild tangles were replaced by a steep, ankle turning, rocky cowpath. Their ¡®trail¡¯ was little better than a shallow dry ditch, full of rounded boulders, dust and ever shifting sand as it snaked up into the hills. All three lads pulled long, sturdy spears from Larry¡¯s storage gift and kept hiking up the steep hillside. As the woodlands became sparse, arid highlands of dry grass and boulders, dotted with oaks and olive trees, the reeking breeze ¡®freshened¡¯, carrying some startling new flavors to the sweating, nauseous boys. ¡°It got worse?!¡± Perry gasped, when he was done making that horrible noise, leaned over the side of the trail so his brothers wouldn¡¯t step in it. ¡°We¡¯re still a quarter mile off, its lair is in those hills.¡± Malus remarked cheerily. The ¡®hills¡¯ he pointed to, were a run of sheer cliffs, jagged and inhospitable, even from this distance. Gnarled and twisted thornbough trees grew on every bit of the terrain that looked vaguely flat. The tough, scrubby trees grew low and wide, shading out any other plant life. Animal life gave them plenty of space too, since the limbs of the trees were tough, springy, long and super flexible. They grew in dry, hot dusty and windy spots and produced no fruits, nor was the lumber desirable; since it was horribly tough to work and grew in short thick trunks or long scraggly branches¡­ Thornboughs defended their only marginally edible leaves with their long, sharp thorns and slender, flexible boughs that would whip and lash in even a slight breeze; relentlessly shredding any un-armored being seeking shelter from the sun beneath them. The thorns that gave the plant the first part of its name were not springy, but they were awfully sharp, stiff and liberally coated with a waxy secretion that caused miserable, weeping, itching sores on large creatures, and slew small critters outright. Each tree squatted in its own shade, dominating the space, creating near impenetrable thickets of notoriously pointy, envenomed spines presenting few viable paths up the massif that would not involve scrambling through the awful things. ¡°Up there?¡± Larry asked, sounding frustrated and cross. When his supervisor nodded and smiled, the boy turned to his brothers and nodded silently. Without further comment, they began unpacking gear from their packs and Larry¡¯s storage, since his was the most fully developed. They swiftly set up a long, folding work table and set out a number of jars, pots, small bundles and little pails. Perry began mixing and grinding with a mortar and pestle, adding dribbles of that and dollops of this to a mixture of dried herbs and less identifiable things. After a few minutes, he filled a small jar with a thick, blue and gray paste, which he dabbed under each boy¡¯s nose before tucking the little jar away for later. ¡°Just an herbal unguent to cut the stench, it¡¯s entirely mundane.¡± Perry explained to their skeptical elder, while his brothers cleared away the mess with quiet efficiency. Just as silently, they began removing the elegantly sculpted wooden plates from their gear, leaving behind a light, flexible cloth armor, much better suited to climbing and resisting scuffs and scrapes. Before the sun reached its peak, the lads were dressed for mountaineering, each outfitted with knee and elbow guards, light helmets and an assortment of metal tack and pieces hanging from their safety harness of buckled and braided spider silk. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re his kids all right¡­¡± The veteran mumbled when the Ward triplets had all their gear stowed in the backside of nowhere, outside reality. ¡°We used to have to climb in armor and drag our gear up after, on ropes! When I was your age¡­¡± He mourned and sobbed for the youth of today¡­ and all the ¡®character building¡¯ they were missing out on, as they clambered up the somehow even steeper, stinkier trail. # Ch: 28 The Glamorous Life Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 28 The Glamorous Life The climb up that sheer, stony rock face was a special kind of awful, doubly so, since they had equipment that would have made some of the worst troubles into trivial matters. Their enchanted warshovels and machetes would have helped them clear the trail with ease, just as stink rings and enchanted armor would have lightened the twinned burdens of weight and stench. Heavy, mundane armor wouldn¡¯t be such an issue, since Papa¡¯s normal gear was both lighter and stronger than the usual goods available to Adventurers¡­ Being able to take a full breath without gagging would have made the biggest difference. Perry¡¯s spiced and herbal unguent that they¡¯d dabbed under their noses had taken the boys this far, cutting the wretched funk admirably, until they approached the source. The clever concoction was a keeper, but now its aroma was a single tear in a salted, poisonous sea that smelt like ass. Thornbushes had lashed them, stones had turned beneath their feet and perilous heights yawned below them¡­ but worst of all, worse even than scrabbling up the barren, steep ledges¡­ was that stink. It was rich, meaty and deep, it made the cool mountain air taste warm, in all the worst ways. Growing up in clean and tidy Wheatford, the ducal seat and most profoundly orderly city around, the Ward boys didn¡¯t have a lot of exposure to rank, nauseating smells¡­ That their father was the only person capable of producing the unique, enchanted trinkets that provided an additional layer of stank protection meant they were absolute newbies marching into the face of a truly horrid aroma. Near the top of the ¡®hill¡¯ Malus had ordered them up, Their supervisor called the halt by the mouth of a particularly foul smelling fissure¡­ If one could really classify the thick, unctuous mouthfeel and its deep, profound umami that way. At a certain point it had stopped being a bad smell and become a true miasma; pervasive, insistent and utterly intolerable. ¡°Yer critter¡¯s inside, there¡¯s small cracks leading deeper into the caverns, but the puckered butthole you¡¯ve come to wipe is just a few yards in. They paused at the entrance and looked askance at the older warrior. ¡°It¡¯s not a cave, technically, so it ain¡¯t a delve.¡± Malus offered happily, as he pointed the three sweaty, exhausted lads at a dim, thorny crevice. The three lads produced mundane hooded lanterns from their mysterious gifts and sparked them up with a short incantation, spoken in rhyme and three part harmony. In single file, with Larry in the lead armed with a machete and a round shield, they pushed into the thorn choked crevice, hunting something nasty. Ten steps into that shady rock walled slot riven through the stones by some titanic force, Larry called out quietly. ¡°Webs in the bushes, no chance we can sneak up on it¡­¡± He reported to his brothers. ¡°This is going to be a fight, boys.¡± ¡°So we have to face the venomous, fanged, multi legged nightmare spider in the it¡¯s den?¡± Perry asked calmly. ¡°At least we¡¯ll be facing the fanged and bitey end.¡± They clustered together for a quick planning sesh; too softly spoken and composed of too few actual words for any but three of them and Harry to understand. They bustled about changing gear for a moment, then made double sure each of their armor plates was strapped on tight. They looked each other over with critical eyes, seeking any fault or trouble, taking extra care to check their preparations in this distracting fog of utter filth and nastiness. They nodded as one and formed up behind Larry, who¡¯s machete and shield now sported a light coating of beeswax, so webs would be less likely to cling to the blade. Barry came next, with a long, heavy war spear, he looked eager to be done with this, and eager to dash the living guts out of whatever was responsible for that aroma. Perry followed last, a bouquet of heavy steel needles in his hand, each one tipped with something oily and dark. Together they moved deeper, Larry spent a moment hacking through the slender, tough strands of web, as he cleared the thorny brush. In the dank, stillness and dark, thick moss and clusters of fungus proliferated. The crevasse floor was strangely pleasant, after a long morning of hunting, hiking and climbing on rocky trails. It was a lush and cool green carpet, with only occasional rocky outcroppings and stones poking through. The webs that festooned the narrow passage were less enchanting. They drifted and dangled all around in a chaotic mess of sticky, random threads, occasionally clinging to their faces as they passed through the shrouded spooky fissure in the mountain. Larry¡¯s machete dislodged a mummified, silk wrapped bundle of legs and chitin that might have once been a giant cave scorpion, it tumbled down the decline in a ratting, sibilant clatter. ¡°Heads up guys, something is movin¡¯ below¡­¡± He muttered, as the stench intensified dramatically. He had only just finished giving his warning, when a wad of something vile came flying from the shadowy rift, splattering across his hastily raised shield. ¡°It got in my eyes¡­ falling back.¡± Larry called, bringing Barry forward; his spear ready and visor lowered. Perry closed in, ready to aid or back up either of his brothers, while seeking their prey in the darkness beyond their lanterns¡¯ glow. # Admiral Amy took the helm of Moonrise, with a dissatisfied expression on her face. They¡¯d spent three days crawling all over the region, looking for clues to where those mangy harpies had found their abominable, possessed, cursed ¡®musical instruments¡¯ of human and humanoid bone and flesh. Three long, fruitess days and nights, now they were headed up river, leaving the marines and their obnoxious officer behind in Bywater Town. After a long morning¡¯s sail against the river¡¯s sluggish current the young girl in the fancy pirate costume glared at the tree lined shore as it passed, wondering what else was lurking in the forests and backwoods of the pleasant domain. ¡°Amy, my dear one¡­¡± Gabbie whispered softly, as she settled in the hammock chair hung near the steerswoman¡¯s station. ¡°The world is wide and strange; stranger now than before you and your family arrived¡­ You will never be able to solve every problem or right every wrong. Give yourself leave to enjoy life, even when things are chaotic and hectic.¡± Amy hopped up on the taffrail and sighed at her aunt in utter frustration. ¡°You¡¯ve got armies, a navy, your own clan of ninjas and a whole nation behind you¡­ we only have us.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t forget that I too, am part of your ¡®us¡¯... my sweet Amy. Becky is the high priestess of Marduk, your eldest uncle is a count, while Rolf will be duke of Wheatford.¡± She smiled at her young¡­ sister? Niece? For a moment before continuing to gently berate the sullen girl. ¡°For that matter; in addition to my imperial magnificence, the ruling heads of several domains will be present at your brothers¡¯ birth day party¡­ Spare me your ¡®poor orphan Amy¡¯ routine, young lady. Now let me try steering this boat¡­¡± ¡°Ok¡­ you got me there.¡± She giggled at last, while handing the empress the tiller of Moonrise. ¡°My first act as a free woman was to participate in an act of piracy¡­ It¡¯s about time I learnt to drive a boat!¡± Gabbie chattered happily as she took a try at sailing. ¡°I wonder, what ever happened to that little boat¡­?¡± # Nearly fifteen years after the event, Kinsey Manok was still drinking free on the tale of that day. ¡°So an hour before dawn, I hear a noise, not loud, mind you, just a little splash¡­ but a sailor knows his craft¡¯s sounds.¡± He murmured to a rapt audience of locals in the pub. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. I charge out, in nothing but my nightshirt and cap, what do I see? My little ketch, Sanddab, sailing off with the empress herself aboard.¡± He paused his well rehearsed tale, which most of the listeners could have performed from rote memory after so many repetitions. ¡° The blessed empress herself, may the light illuminate her every desire; she yells at me¡­ at me!¡± He puffed with pride at that part, a blush of joy rising to his cheeks. ¡°The divine empress yells out: ¡®We¡¯re pirates!¡¯ and tells me they are stealing my boat, just like that¡­¡± He sighed in reverent wonder, gazing out on the little boat, bobbing on the municipal pier. ¡°I keep hoping, some day, the empress will steal my boat again¡­¡± # Larry cleared the sticky, foul goop from his gear and washed his eyes with a saltwater solution from Perry¡¯s kit and took up his station at the head of their little formation¡­ this time with his visor down and goggles on. ¡°That crud was toxic¡­ I¡¯m pretty ok now, but watch for it.¡± ¡°Pretty ok, or ok?¡± Perry demanded, his eyes still searching the shadows. ¡°Be honest. We¡¯re bein¡¯ evaluated, not hunting this monster. If we kill it by taking stupid risks, we¡¯ll still fail.¡± ¡°I¡¯m good. I owe it for that cheapshot.¡± Larry growled. ¡°Come on. It¡¯s bug smashing time.¡± He hefted his shield and shook out his machete arm, looking eager to get some aggression out. ¡°Perry¡¯s call.¡± Barry muttered, watching a suspicious shadow near the thin strip of sky visible above them. ¡°But decide quick; it¡¯s moving.¡± As he spoke, the quiet, taciturn lad drew a short javelin from a quiver on his shoulder and hurled it into the dark. The sharp clack and clatter of steel and wood striking only stone returned from the chasm¡­ and the sound of movement. Something large and stealthy stirred in the rift above them lurking in the dark. With a quick, well practiced move; borne of long hours and dedicated teamwork, Perry stepped to his brother¡¯s side and hurled three stout steel needles into the darkness. Two soft chimes of steel on stone sang back, the third sounded crunchy and a little wet. Something shrieked and chittered in the dark, drawing two more darts from Perry. Barry¡¯s second javelin struck something, but no more sounds of distress came from the darkness and drifting webs. ¡°All good?¡± Perry asked, sounding like he had decided. ¡°All good.¡± His brothers chimed back, as they pressed deeper in, weapons out, eyes and ears alert. Each lad¡¯s fingers itched for the toys they¡¯d grown up playing with. The usual tools of their trade were strange and often obscure, but they were versatile, focusing on pure utility. For this trip, none of the usual gimmicks, gadgets, gags or pranks were allowed. Those trinkets of their parents¡¯ and siblings¡¯ arts, crafts and invention had been their playthings since childhood, and would be super handy right now. A handful of lightstones that could illuminate a room for a half hour before going dim, or flash stones that would erupt in brilliant light, or smokebombs, either perfumed or stinky, for escapes and evasions¡­ That was just the tip of a very large and, admittedly, sometimes silly, iceberg of alchemical, enchanted and occult oddities that they used and trained with daily. Today was going to be about steel and wood, shoved into something nasty, with unpleasant results likely for all involved. The way forward was rugged, but passable¡­ for young men who had trained on obstacle courses and cross country forest runs almost since infancy. They climbed, vaulted and clambered through the dim chasm, alert for any sound or movement, stalking the thing that was no doubt stalking them in turn. Larry peered around a sharp dogleg bend in the passage, a steep turn and upward jog into a cleft so narrow that it almost closed off the sliver of sky, far overhead. ¡°Tight spot, keep alert.¡± he whispered softly, as he made his way around and climbed up onto a low ledge. Guided more by training and instinct than any true awareness, Larry brought his shield up in a swift, overhead chop. The loud, ringing, metallic *bong* of more than a hundred pounds of spider whanging into a rolled edge of bronze rimmed steel was almost musical. One of the creature¡¯s fangs shattered on the rim of his shield, as the stunned arachnid clenched onto its prey by dumb, animal instinct and started trying to chew its venom into the burnished bronze and steel construct. The big, muscular young man dug in with the balls of his feet and rolled his shoulder, counting on the strength of his sturdy metal shield, forged for him by his own mother. With a cry of rage, he wrenched the beast off the wall where it clung, hidden in the shadow of a crag. Larry heaved with all his might, dragging the monster spider off its perch and onto a punishing body slam. He pivoted at the hips, turning and dashing his foe to the grotto floor with a noisome, wet sounding crunch of carapace. Unbelievable filth sprayed the cavern wall, coating several dozen square yards with obscene, olfactory graffiti. The thing lay on its back, still clenched to Larry¡¯s shield arm, but far beyond trying to envenom the young warrior. It stabbed and scrabbled at him with its free legs, of which it had way too many. The thing had at least two dozen legs of various sizes and shapes¡­ and a surplus of fangs exceeded only by the horrid and truly startling number of eyes it possessed. Larry wasn¡¯t counting eyes, fangs or limbs, he was harvesting them with his machete, as quickly and efficiently as he could manage, without letting the horror roll over onto its scuttling side. Barry helped out by driving his wide bladed spear down nto the confusing mess that all those legs emerged from, pinning the thing to the ground. It answered with a satisfying scream, hiss and rattle. The lad leaned in in his weapon, forcefully pinning it in place, while his brothers worked. Perry pitched his current handful of senbon at the bloated abdomen of the monster, piercing that gross bag of reeking nastiness a number of times. Whether the beads of waxy toxin on the tips of those tiny darts worked or not, he needed to get up close and get busy. His short, boarding ax appeared in his hand and he fell to work, the broad steel blade striking carapace segments with a steady, workmanlike chopping sound, as the three lads worked to disassemble their prey, while it tried to repay the favor with limited success. They fanned out efficiently, checking for threats, then re-convened, checking each other for hidden injuries and damage to their gear. That done, they triple checked that their prey was done for and began searching the monster¡¯s lair for goodies. Most monsters possessed less than animal intelligence, with an extra measure of ravenous, desperate cunning. They did not collect loot, in general¡­ There were a few exceptions, but by and large the monster¡¯s parts were the loot. # None of them noticed the dark clad figure of their mother, climbing across the stony peaks above them, like a four limbed spider in dark green and gray, leaping and scuttling among the jagged boulders and thornbough trees. She smiled with pride, as her boys took the creature apart careless of the reeking, foul ichor and wretched putrescence that coated them from head to toe. Her heart warmed even more as Larry dealt the final stroke that ended its struggles, took two more chops for good measure, and immediately started getting ready to loot the place. # Larry deployed a long wide forked wand, enspelled with a simple untangling and spinning charm. With a slight effort of Will, he quickly twirled up a massive cotton candy ball of spider silk, drawn to his wand by the tool. He held the collected mass well clear of the stuff coating a good potion of himself, wary of polluting his goods. From trapdoors, the silk was the prize, especially if the monster put up a fight. The fangs and venom glands of the beast could be valuable to mages and scholars, but they always got emptied or damaged in a battle¡­ this time was no exception. Larry had given little thought to the valuable goods he was bashing with his shield and machete, focusing on keeping a whole skin on himself instead. Scattered all around were cocoons, containing previous meals of the dreadful thing, most were absolute trash, which Barry tossed in a pile for Larry to unwind with his wands. One silken bundle caught his attention, it was hefty and felt¡­ full in some way, not like the husks of cave vermin he¡¯d been tossing down into the open space from the far reaches of the chasm. ¡°Got something here¡­¡± He murmured excitedly. ¡°Is it a hot bath and a change of clothes?¡± Larry asked, from somewhere behind his mask of filth. # Larry and the boys trooped out of the vile, reviled defile, coated in bile, in single file after a while¡­ ¡°Perry, put that banjo away¡­¡± Larry complained when he realized his thoughts and footfalls were being entrained by his brother¡¯s music. ¡°Just trying to help¡­¡± He muttered, stilling his reggae beat and muting the strings. ¡°Yeah, well, Malus is gonna give me no end of shit over this. I¡¯d rather not draw any more attention to this boondoggle.¡± Larry grumbled, shooting a glare at Barry, who still wouldn¡¯t show what he¡¯d found in the back recesses of that rancid hole. He walked in silence all the way back to where malus waited, on the hillside cleft. ¡°Gentlemen.¡± He said with calm civility. ¡°Any injuries?¡± ¡°None, sir, just messy. It put up a fight.¡± Larry held up the two wands he carried, each one spun around with a truly enormous cloud of fluffy silk. ¡°It was a stalker variant, it was always going to be a fight.¡± The veteran said proudly. ¡°You passed just by getting close enough to discover that. You passed with high marks for taking it safely and cleanly, guild brothers. Come now, my young apprentice Adventurers.¡± With fanfare, he pulled out stink bands for Perry and Barry, each one carefully labeled. For Larry he had an ornate silver ring and a crate of small glass bottles, each one strung with a tiny paper tag bearing the inscription carved in the ring. We must not oppress the ladies with our stench.¡± He grinned and almost clapped Larry on the back, which was still coated with despicable and wretched¡­ stuff. ¡°This ring harvests the ¡®stench molecules¡¯ or some such and stows them in these bottles. It makes stink grenades, lad. We¡¯ll have a full crate of smelly mayhem before you get clean.¡± ¡°Awww, but this feels super gross!¡± Larry whined, pawing at his sticky garments. ¡°Welcome to the glamorous life of Adventure!¡± It was a long and horrible march down the steep trail back to the wayside camp on the road. When they came in sight of the camp, a tall column of steam was rising from a cauldron of hot water on a small campfire. Not enough for a bath, but enough to wash some of the worst of it away. A pile of towels and a bottle of Wardco labs AdventureWash? ¡®We can help with the mess; the memories are yours to deal with.¡¯ Was emblazoned across the label in fancy script. ¡°I just assumed one of you would get filthy¡­ If you all came out clean, I was going to make soup.¡± Harry said through a truly awful grin. ¡°Tawny and the girls are a piece upwind¡­ we¡¯ll have a scrub and a change first.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll still reek, lad; even after the boys give you the ¡®Silkwood shower¡¯.¡± Malus grumbled happily. ¡°So leave that ring on and let me know if the last bottle gets filled.¡± Larry was only half listening, he was over in the bushes peeling out of his rancid clothes and trying to scrape as much of the crud off his skin as possible. It was a good way to the river¡­ and farther to the magical, cleansing baths at home. He barely registered the threat, as his brothers approached from behind with brushes on long bamboo handles, dripping with steamy, soapy water. ¡°Sorry, Larry¡­¡± Was all he heard, before the scrubbing started. Larry¡¯s skin was red and raw, the inflamed surface creamed you at every point where his garments made contact, even dressed in regular clothes. He was smiling just as widely as his brothers, as they strolled into the camp where Tawny, Bran the bodyguard and their mother waited with the excited insect girls. ¡°Next time, Barry takes point,¡± He muttered happily. # Ch: 29 Home On The Range Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 29 Home On The Range On the wide, slow moving Rummel River, three ships plowed upstream in a convoy, led by a tiny skiff that skimmed ahead, guiding the deeper drafted vessels. Rio was at the helm of Missadventure, with Benny and Dannyl playing lookout at the bow. Moonrise followed after; the low shallow keeled river trader had a mast, flying only the ensign of house Ward, indigo blue field, sprinkled with stars and two stylized moons, shrouded in clouds their forms mingling to suggest a treble clef. No sails powered her blunt prow through the water, only the silent occult engines in her depths provided motive power, silent and uncanny to the veteran mages on the following vessels. On the ducal barge and the imperial frigate a small, dedicated cadre of professional Water and Wind mages kept those vessels moving along, filling sails with summoned wind or providing thrust below the surface, depending on their gifts. The strain of keeping up with the converted river trader was beginning to show on their weathered, seamen¡¯s faces. The Adventurers on that little blue converted trade boat took it in turns, passing the jewelry among themselves whenever someone got too thoroughly exhausted by the hungry enchantments and spellcraft that powered the small ship. The music ringing out from the vessel at the head of their small convoy echoed off the water, carried by the instruments and ¡®speakerboxes¡¯ the industrious weirdos had scattered around the ships. At least one of the kids was playing some kind of mellow, uplifting, smoothly energetic music at all times, folding the disparate crews and ships into a single, living, breathing organism. ¡°Honestly, it¡¯s nothing to worry about¡­ Our gifts and family spellcraft allow all willing sentients who embrace the music to share a small measure of their Mana, Stamina and recuperative energies with the group at large¡­¡± Amy explained gently to a small group of officers in the uniforms of three duchies and the empire. ¡°Essentially, we¡¯re all giving a bit of extra energy to the folks with the depleted Mana and Stamina, because our individual energetic fields are slightly merged, and we all naturally seek a stable balanced state. We¡¯re all tangled up in one big, loose knit, mobile ritual array right now.¡± ¡°So, a coven of witches is empowering our mages¡­.¡± The grizzled old imperial, Sir Tanaka mumbled sourly. ¡°I dislike witchcraft¡­ I¡¯ve seen some before, at the battle of Wheatford.¡± ¡°Ooo, I thought I recognized you¡­¡± Gabbie whispered excitedly. ¡°You were second officer to captain Cheng¡­¡± ¡°Still am, my empress.¡± He replied awkwardly, while she hugged him. ¡°Captain¡¯s on leave, having a baby.¡± The blocky officer kept shooting nervous glances at the empress¡¯ left hand, Jocomo, who was standing nearby and watching the radiant, divine empress of uncounted souls hug and giggle over him. ¡°How extra delightful!¡± Gabbie sang cheerfully, before twirling back to her husband with a girlish smile of delight on her dark, angular features. ¡°This feels much like your father¡¯s gifts at play¡­¡± Gabs cooed softly, when she and Amy were closer together, for a private convo. ¡°Our instruments and ritual tools all emulate his gifts in some ways, it¡¯s how the enchantments work.¡± The colorful pirate answered quietly. ¡°The real magic is how they interact with our gifts and spells, our mingled intent, magic and the natural resonance of music makes it possible¡­ without draining any one person dry.¡± ¡°So it¡¯s not really ¡®witchcraft¡¯?¡± The empress asked, while motioning Jocomo to draw closer. ¡°Oh, no.¡± Amy smiled with wonder and excitement in her eyes. ¡°It¡¯s totally witchcraft. We¡¯re forming you guys into a coven, linked at the aura by our spells, and sharing your essential life energies with each other in some very profound, if subtle ways¡­¡± She winked at the nervous looking assassin on Gabbie¡¯s arm. ¡°We just skip the sacrificial rites, most of the time...¡± In a twirl of bright blue coat tails and dancing feet, the girl was gone, over the side and headed back to Moonrise in her little skiff¡­ Zipping along between the bigger ships with casual ease. ¡°Let¡¯s go visit the Wards¡­¡± Jocomo muttered in a fair imitation of the empress¡¯ own voice¡­ if she were a petulant four year old in desperate need of a nap. ¡°It¡¯ll be awesome!¡± He sassed his wife with a twinkle hidden in his eye, where only she knew to look. He clapped a ringing swat to the pertly rounded imperial bottom, when no one was looking¡­ except Scorpion, who stiffened with outrage, in her hidden position behind a folding screen and a secret drape, woven to match the bulkhead. ¡®Sometimes I wonder¡­¡¯ The woman behind the chitinous insect armor thought to herself. ¡°Isopod never swats my bottom like that¡­¡± She muttered involuntarily, sounding a faint bit envious to her own shocked ears. ¡°Maybe I would¡­ if you didn¡¯t insist on bringing a dagger to bed.¡± He murmured softly through their coms earrings, sending a flush of professional embarrassment and personal excitement through her bones. ¡°Since we¡¯re discussing this on an open channel, my love.¡± He pulled back the false ceiling that hid his position¡­ just enough for her to see him wink at her, in a very sexy breach of protocol. # It was late morning, on the edge of early afternoon when his family poured back into the house; sweaty, tired, excited, smellier than expected and absolutely desperate for the baths. Gary looked down at the mountain of cruddy gear and laundry, with a small, satisfied smile on his face. ¡°This¡­ I can still do.¡± He sighed happily, as he tucked all of the stuff away and disappeared into his workshop in the basement. # ¡°He¡¯s doing the laundry¡­ leave him be Shai, he¡¯s been moody and glum a lot.¡± Liam muttered quietly in the bath with his wife and the Wards, enjoying a soak by the waterfall. ¡°He¡¯s always better when he¡¯s working on something.¡± ¡°Aye, we both contemplate an empty house, an these rascals take tae the roads and begin their work.¡± She murmured, eyeing her boys, goofing in the deep end. ¡°Surely they won¡¯t begin Adventuring so soon. They will be on local nuisances and pests for at least another three or four years¡­¡± Shai¡¯s flat displeased glare brought Tawny up short. ¡°They scheme to roam as far as they might, on each contract, ¡®pushing the envelope¡¯...¡± She whispered darkly. ¡°They do plan tae bring Harry along as their support monkey, til he kin gain a badge of his own.¡± She sighed, frustrated and helpless in the face of teenage rebellion. ¡°I was nae to know their plan, but they be dashed bad wi secrets an be poor liars, in all.¡± ¡°They will be under the guidance of a journeyman supervisor¡­¡± Tawny answered softly. ¡°Surely they won¡¯t get too out of hand¡­¡± She looked at her golden friend in disbelief. ¡°We did hae tae send the older brats fer punishment fer half a year fer their nonsense an bull headedness¡­¡± She smiled wryly after a moment. ¡°Truth to tell, ¡®twere mostly Amy, bein headstrong an eager.¡± Tawny placed a hand on her big friend¡¯s shoulder, it was a stretch, but it needed doing. The healer spoke gently, backing her words up with a caress. ¡°She remembers only the adventures and dreamy, song filled nights of your time on the road¡­ the terrors and woe have faded into hazy half dreamt recollections. She wishes so desperately to recreate that wild, free and unrestrained time.¡± ¡°Aye, it hae been hard on all of us¡­¡± She whispered, gazing over at the workshop door, where her man still labored, down below. ¡°I worry that he do brood an sulk overmuch. Tis much power he had, all lost; now he does hurl himself at his crafts and labors.¡± ¡°At least he has that outlet¡­ even if he can only make trinkets and musical instruments, without your help.¡± Tawny sighed and caressed her holstered wand, carved for her by the mad craftsman before his death and inexplicable malady. Strange, eye watering runes and hieroglyphs inlaid in shell and precious metals crawled over the slim, round handled rod of haunted plumwood. Her soft chamois leather hideout scabbard lurked inside her robes like a cozy hug, clinging and always present, but never uncomfortable. The enchantments and spellcraft wrought through that humble object kept it clean, snug, perfectly positioned at all times. The secret trickery and magecraft of her mad friend maintained her entire body at a comfortable temperature in any weather, so long as she wore the thing and was not directly exposed in severe inclement conditions. The indispensable tool of any mage¡¯s craft, her wand never faltered when discharging her energies, even the most complex and intensive workings. Paired with the holster which alleviated heat and cold and helped replenish her Mana and Stamina, her kit of surgical instruments, spun from his crafts and arts, had been invaluable in her work. Powering through surgeries of delicate complexity, wielding scalpel and spells, lady Trelawny Kinnis was a legend in her field, with a wide ranging professional correspondence that kept her quite busy¡­ Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. For now, she held her old friend and provided what comfort she could, as these troubles were beyond her formidable skills. ¡°If there is a remedy for whatever his condition is, we will find it¡­ even if, especially if, it¡¯s impossible.¡± Tawny whispered, recalling the same words she had heard from the madman¡¯s lips so many years before. ¡°I think, once we are all back together, there might be a little more impossibility in him. Healer whispers that it is so¡­ even though she still loathes him.¡± ¡°Aye, he does still suffer under Eponna¡¯s curse and her blessings. He kinnae go out, save he step in fresh horse shite. Even Magnus an sweet Sandi kinnae help it.¡± She sighed and shook her head. ¡°Tis fine that he be such a dab hand wi laundry, in all.¡± # Down in the depths of the house, all alone, he relaxed, letting his vast, unruly shadow out to play. His laundry facility, like the rest of the house, was a construct of Will, shadow, light, illusion and his soul¡¯s overflowing spiritual excess. In many ways, he imagined the house and garden, forcing the world to bend to his will and reshape itself in reality, beneath the subtle illusions and manifested glamour. Replacing his woodshop and luthier¡¯s workbench with a forge and tinker¡¯s tools was no more than a trifle, a flex of his Will in this place. He could conjure materials and craft them, or summon new made objects into being with a minor expenditure of the Mana he was always overflowing with. The hard limits were his pitifully small Mana pool, and the absolute stricture that no sentient could witness the actual creation or production of an object, whether conjured, or pulled from his storage gift. The Mana problem was a familiar one, he¡¯d bumped into it again and again when he¡¯d first landed here. He had a terrific, inhuman Mana regeneration rate, frankly it was ridiculously intense. Coupled with that gushing fountain, he possessed a tiny, infinitesimal Mana pool¡­ like, infant sized. Holding a thimble under a waterfall is a stupid idea, don¡¯t try it, you¡¯ll lose your thimble and get all wet, best case. The turbulence in the Mana and Ether all around him resonated with the sloshy, bubbly puddle of his Mana pool and left him wobbly and dizzy whenever he exceeded his pitiful limits. The other stricture was even tougher; no intelligent being could gaze into the place where his house came from¡­ and where his storage gift led. The gaze of a sentient, living being would slam closed the occult gate into his private hidey-hole in the deep Ether; so far beyond reality that matters like distance or matter, simply didn¡¯t matter. There were few limits in this place, where no one else could see; beyond those strictures and the unavoidable rule that he could not create a thing by magic, unless he had the knowledge and skills to create the thing in reality. Furthermore, anything he conjured or created from nothing would return to nothing, at the edge of his property, typically evaporating into mist and smoke that smelt of fresh strawberry jam and toast. Gary *never* conjured food or drink in his home; anything made of his shadow stuff that wound up inside a person¡¯s tender guts would turn into an energetic puff of very noxious... stuff, on exiting his property. Shortly thereafter, it would exit the person¡¯s property¡­ energetically. He mused on old times and pranks gone by, as he worked in the current iteration of his basement sanctum. Huge stone basins filled with pale green, fragrant water bubbled and swirled, carrying mesh laundry bags filled with¡­ laundry. The master of the house stood on the edge with a long barge pole, flipping and dunking his titanic tea bags to ensure even soaking. Unlike real water, which did little to remove ground in monster grime or sweaty teenager grime for that matter, this was mostly magic, manifested temporarily as water, carrying a blend of real exotic extracts, fragrant herbs, citrus and secret spices. With a bronze hook on a rope and pulley arrangement, he hosted the finished bags and let the ¡®water¡¯ drain away, back into the basin. Once it had dripped and dribbled to his satisfaction, the mad wizard, clad in only cargo shorts and flip flops, banished the illusory water that remained in the bag and clothing, then unzipped the enchanted laundry bag; tumbling out fresh, dry, pleasantly scented, id slightly rumpled garments. All this was performed in a swaying dance, to the merry tune whistled by a flock of starlings, composed of nothing at all but his own stubbornly haunted shadow. He glared at the shadow birds, flocking in their shadow bushes, all around his workshop. ¡°Nice one, but I think ¡®Washing On First Day Morning¡¯ is a bit on the nose.¡± He scolded his haunts. ¡°Odd that you chose a local number¡­¡± He mused softly, as the birds scattered to the corners of the room and vanished. ¡°Hey, Harry.¡± He called out merrily, as he banished the laundry facility with a wave, before his son came around the landing. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Come upstairs, dad. You¡¯re bumming the rest out.¡± He mumbled. ¡°They won¡¯t say it cause you¡¯re all¡­¡± He waved his hands about wildly, while pulling a crazy face and goggling his eyes. The big scarred man chuckled as he pulled on a shirt, smiling at his son. ¡°You know how I get¡­¡± He shot a glare at his shadow, it started getting frisky when Harry turned away to head upstairs. The big musician collected the huge basket of freshly washed laundry into his gift for storing things. ¡°Go on up, son. I¡¯ll only be a minute.¡± When he was alone again he bent over and began scolding his shadow in earnest. ¡°You guys need to chill when people are looking¡­ I¡¯m serious, it¡¯s getting really annoying!¡± He turned up the number and brightness of the lamps scattered around the usually dim chamber, casting harsh light everywhere, forcing them to focus. ¡°Tighten it up, gang.¡± # They put Bywater Town behind them as the trees closed in around the river. Only the navigation markers indicating deep waters told this stretch out from the true wilderness. Duke Rummel leaned on the rail with Grace, watching the trees scoot by. ¡°This region has been under my family¡¯s nominal rule for generations, just forgotten and left alone.¡± He said softly, into his wife¡¯s ear. ¡°I think I like the way things have shaped up around here.¡± ¡°Who did you assign this to?¡± She asked, snuggling closer into his coat, when the improbably tall redwoods shaded the river. ¡°Wasn¡¯t it that big fellow¡­ Penfold?¡± ¡°Sir Penryn, baron Penryn now. The man is a mighty warrior¡­ Lucky that he had that shield on our first adventure, the man surely saved my life.¡± The duke said solemnly. ¡°Was it perilous, my love?¡± She asked softly, petting his handsome angular jaw gently. ¡°It was a close thing¡­ We were riding for the fringe, at the beginning of all this madness, a boar came out of nowhere¡­¡± He shook his head soberly, recalling the day. ¡°Who knew he could use his shield as a wok? The meal we had that day¡­ stir fried pork, fresh country vegetables from the local farms¡­¡± He sighed contentedly and rubbed his belly, where no faint hint of flab appeared. ¡°I bet Jaspreet doesn¡¯t have to put up with this kind of foolishness¡­¡± Duchess Grace muttered in obviously feigned displeasure. # ¡°Gods, wife! First we sail to Wheatford, then we have to trek into the bloody wilds?¡± Duke Abed Mubarak grumbled and complained, but he was ready to travel and smiling out the carriage window, as the rolled up Wheatford¡¯s smooth roads. Duchess Jaspreet ignored him entirely, watching her fourteen year old son, Ishmael, riding one of the Belen war ponies in the guard¡¯s formation. The lad was lightly armored and bore a brace of light lances at his boot, small azure pennants waving from the point of each. He rode with the confidence of a born horseman and the easy smile of a young man who was comfortable among the warriors that surrounded him. He took their good natured ribbing and smiled when they called him a ¡®greenie¡¯, just like the other uncontracted young Adventurer candidates, even though he was a year short of fifteen. The young boys and girls in the armor and badges of apprentice Adventurers served as grooms and horse handlers for the guard troop, gaining safe field experience. The guards rode in a loose formation, relaxed and alert, rather than parade ground rigid, as so many nobles expected. The standard Belen warband was anything but standard. They worked in well coordinated bands of six, made up of irregulars, generally. Most had a heavy armored warrior or two, at least one light armored, mobile warrior with a spear, an archer or crossbowman, a scout or ranger type and either a priest or a lay healer. Variations on that theme played out in any number of ways, but the pattern of highly independent, mobile and self reliant teams of veteran warriors seemed to work in the dusty, orderly realm. This troop seemed made up of tribals, in colorful armor with their beaded, braided hair caught up in ornaments of shell and bone. Despite their appearance, the Sparrowhawks were a highly regarded mercenary band, on long term contract with house Belen. # Duke Abed sighed hopelessly, as his son and heir went off riding with a pack of mercenary tribals¡­ The lad was incorrigible and it was hopeless to try and get Jaspreet on his side¡­ She was just as bad. His son would most likely come into camp this evening, filthy, sweaty and no doubt at least a little battered, with some tale of a hideous creature slain! His own heir, out hunting like a savage! It did look fun, though¡­ After lunch, Adam Belen, the duke¡¯s eldest son and a well respected cleric of Healer, rode up to their carriage before Abed could climb aboard. At his stirrup trotted a tall, elegant gray mare, dappled with golden spots on her rump. ¡°Would your grace care to join me for a ride?¡± He asked cheerfully, while nominally supervising the band of half Contracted greenie Adventurers. ¡°I find a bit of fresh air stimulating.¡± Duchess Jaspreet winked at the handsome cleric and gave her husband a gentle, encouraging shove. ¡°Go on¡­ you¡¯ve been sulking awfully. I will be riding with Celeste, Jennah and the other ladies this afternoon.¡± The covey of noble ladies bustled the duchess off to enjoy more refined travel conversation, in one of the three large, well appointed carriages. ¡°Well, yes, I¡¯d planned to ride out all along¡­¡± The duke mumbled awkwardly. ¡°My young charges are eager to get a stretch in, so we¡¯ll be ranging ahead a little.¡± Adam waved to his pack of lightly armored kids, including Ishmael¡­ Who should have been in the coach with his younger sister¡­ Who, the duke realized just a little too late was riding at Ishmaiel¡¯s stirrup, on a pony of her own. ¡°Form up, we¡¯re taking a shift outriding. Look sharp, we have guests.¡± Adam called to his little cluster of teenagers. Eight rowdy, rambunctious kids wrestled themselves into something resembling a formation and rode out, following one of the tribals and Adam Belen, with duke Mubarak and his two children riding in the center. The warm sun and wide, smooth roads running through the low, grassy hills created a dreamy atmosphere that soothed the duke¡¯s jangled nerves. Even on a journey through the hinterlands, an utterly relaxing ride through endless rolling hills helped him forget his troubles. Belen was known for a few things, warriors, wealth, his common origins and his roads¡­ Perhaps those smooth, gently graded highways were a boon to trade, but the lord of Wheatford¡¯s warband¡¯s response times were legendary. There the duchy of Shiraz came up short, Abed admitted to himself, as the hooves clattered down the hard baked clay. His coast was level and wide, easily accessed by sea and waterways, but much of the interior of the duchy was steep and rugged. The mountainous, expansive lands of central Shiraz produced marvelous vineyards, orchard fruits¡­ and monsters. Among the crags, narrow valleys and stoney peaks, innocuous creatures could, would and had grown monstrous with some regularity. He sighed, looking out over the vast, dry, but only slightly hilly valley that held Wheatford town. It wasn¡¯t even a city¡­ Port Fallon, a vassal barony on the coast was nearly twice the population, if only a tiny fraction of the acerage. The nearby duchy of Ellis, also vassal to Belen¡¯s house, was far more urbane, populous and influential than the dusty, mercenary town a week¡¯s journey up a wide valley from anything notable. As if she had read the duke¡¯s mind, their tribal escort chirped happily. ¡°We patrol these roads regularly and sweep for stray problems¡­ Otherwise this place would be a festering wasteland. We scrubbed a swarm of jackal hornets, five miles down that way last week.¡± She grinned savagely. ¡°That was a hell of a fight, bigger than eagles and fast on the wing...¡± ¡°I have a specialist team, just for flying insect swarms and monsters¡­ expensive to maintain but when nothing else will do¡­¡± Abed shrugged. ¡°Like keeping a delve team on retainer; it seems expensive, until a dungeon opens its maw in some quiet village and starts spewing out undead.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Delvers are all mad¡­ we¡¯re delve certified, my team¡­ but the specialist dirt divers are all insane.¡± Larksong muttered, glancing up at the vast dome of the bright blue sky, as if to reassure herself that they were above ground. Duke Mubarak smiled wryly at himself, when he realized he¡¯d been chatting with a commoner¡­ and a tribal at that, for a few miles. Adam Belen had also noticed and was trying to hide a grin, at the embarrassed duke¡¯s expense. The mortified nobleman glanced over at the coach where Jaspreet was¡­ watching out the window and giggling at the way he began blushing and fidgeting in the saddle. His companion kept chattering on about the Adventure trade, a matter of interest and import in any domain, so the poor duke had to continue the interaction despite the ghastly informality of her speech and manner. ¡°...response time is everything, when an F class beast goes monster, a week¡¯s travel time can be the difference between a class D and a serious problem.¡± She grinned at the duke and leaned back on her saddle roll. ¡°A little patch of groundworms got out of hand last year, up near Pilkey Vale. It¡¯s a rugged and remote, but pleasant little baronetcy. His lordship hired local amateurs to stomp it, they let one slip away and didn¡¯t follow up¡­¡± ¡°Ohh, bother.¡± The duke muttered unhappily. ¡°It slipped into the local cemetery¡­ A week later they had a twelve ton ground dragon munching through the graveyard, exhuming graves and snacking on the dearly departed. By the time the strike team got there, a third of the town¡¯s orchards and all of its revered dead were gone.¡± She shook her head, rattling beads of turquoise, antler and bone. ¡°Odd to store your dead up like that, but whatever¡­¡± Trotting through the uplands of the Belen domain continued to be relaxing, with smallholders and little hamlets scattered all about, reeking of homey, comfortable charm¡­ ¡°Bloody Wheatford¡­¡± The duke sighed sadly, as his tense shoulders relaxed in time to the steps of his delightfully frisky mount. # Ch: 30 On The Road Again Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 30 On The Road Again The small flotilla made it all the way to Mudwallow Bridge town by mid day, after sailing through the night; confidently following Moonrise up the wide river channel. They kept on, up the canals operated by the thriving lumber operations in the local managed forests, sailing past frequent barges and rafts of new cut timber, guided by beaver, otter and muskrat folk primarily. Those fellows waved at the merry river boats, draped in the ducal ensigns of Rummel, Belen and Lemur, but they eyed Moonrise warily, with her flag bearing the treble clef of house Ward, flying gaily in the breze. The ducal barge put in briefly, disgorging a platoon of ducal guards and a few sailors to secure the town against possible goblin troubles. Within the hour, the small armada sailed on, heading into the first in a series of locks maintained by the lumbermens¡¯ and canal workers¡¯ guilds. Locks designed for the local lumber rafts were not going to fit the imperial frigate, while duke Rummel¡¯s barge should have been able to pass, she failed the test. Or rather, someone had cut corners and not built the locks to the specifications laid out by the duchy¡­ No amount of bureaucratic hand wringing was going to get seventy five feet of ducal barge in sixty feet of lock. With some amusement and official embarrassment; the duke¡¯s barge returned to Mudwallow Bridge and moored there beside the frigate, to await their manifold graces¡¯ return journey. Moonrise cast off, now packed to the gunnels with nobles and notables, three pirate princess clones, way too many guards and whatever the hell the imperial Whispers were. Those shadowy, difficult to spot characters in their distinctive insectile armor should have been obvious aboard the little, crowded ship¡­ People did encounter them often, just never where or how one expected. Wherever Gabbie was, at least two of them were always nearby, hiding¡­ Tallum stepped into the lounge privy, to answer nature¡¯s call, idly wondering why the sign on the door was inscribed ¡®head¡¯. He disregarded that, assuming it was some madness of Gary¡¯s, as he unbuckled his belt and sat; preparing to unburden himself in a blissful moment of privacy and quiet¡­ ¡°Uhh, excuse me?¡± The giant asked, when he looked up, his face reddening with anger, embarrassment and confusion. ¡°Oh, excuse me.¡± Tarantula said awkwardly, from her position clinging to the ceiling above the sink. ¡°Her imperial majesty is in the lounge, next door¡­ security¡­¡± ¡°Get. Out.¡± The giant rumbled from above and below, glaring fiercely at the small, black armored woman, who was intruding on his thunderous deuce. ¡°You could just pretend I¡¯m not here¡­.¡± ¡°OUT!¡± His bellow shook the tiny room, dislodging the stealthy ninja in stylized spider armor, who fell to the ground between his feet, becoming awkwardly and very uncomfortably entangled in his trousers. Fortunately, the ship reached the last navigable section of waterway early the next evening, mooring up in a storage pond at the base of the grassy foothills. They set up near a small cabin by the lock and sluice gates, overlooked by a tall manor house surrounded by neat gardens and acres of grassy, low hills, dotted with horses. The kids ferried to shore on Missadventure, swarming over a waterside meadow of tall grass and tree stumps, sure signs of the lumber trade. They spent a fair few minutes in preparation, creating a ritual far more complex than their usual. Stakes were driven in around the perimeter, lengths of cordage got strung out, chalk paint was used to draw glyphs on the grass, stumps and stones. All six kids of team Ragamuffin scurried about their tasks with practiced confidence, working briskly at their tasks until the music started with Wilf singing lead, drenching the zone with his rich, warm voice. Gone to buy sugar, it¡¯ll take all day¡­ Off to get honey, from the girl round the way¡­ She¡¯s got bee stung lips, And hips that sway¡­ Sweet miss Sophie, she polished her trophy, She rubbed it. rinsed it, got it all soapy¡­ Well buffed and shining, it was a fine thing, Admiring her work, she gave it a jerk, Sophie played with her toy, smiling with joy tugging and pulling, in just the right way¡­ Her husband¡¯s not coming in to work today! Wilf kept the lyrics mostly clean¡­ but he couldn¡¯t resist some verses that hinted at the awful, obscene and salty stanzas he was holding in reserve. ¡°What an odd ditty, I haven¡¯t heard that verse before¡­¡± Sir Rolf mumbled as he turned a darker hue. The young nobleman had zero clues that the well known, cheerful nonsense children¡¯s song had a terrible secret; a canon of raunchy and rude lyrics that was impressive in both depth of perversity and scope of depravity. ¡°Bugger me with a pinecone!¡± Rolf grumbled, as a stray breeze gently tossed a bit of dust into his eyes at the crucial moment, forcing him to blink them clear. When the young ducal heir looked back, the little hamlet and trading post stood by the waterside, with its inviting little dock and everything; all to the sprightly, merry tune of a Wheatford favorite. Angie blushed a little and sighed tolerantly, when her husband nearly lost his control and used bad language. ¡°Missed it again! Gods, this witchcraft is¡­ infuriating!¡± He fumed, in a profound (for sir Rolf¡­) lapse in knightly restraint and decorum. He sighed long and slowly, as he turned to a very excited and eager young unicorn. ¡°Hurry up, Rolf¡­ gods you could just ride me bareback you silly boy.¡± She fumed and fussed until Angie stroked her big, muscular jaw and gave a scratch under her chin. ¡°We must keep up appearances, my dear. You can go play with the horsies once we have met with the local lord.¡± Angie nuzzled her friend, while her husband mounted up. With a swift, practiced movement, she took Rolf¡¯s hand and vaulted into his arms. Angie made herself comfortable on his lap, with her calf hooked around the offset horn of the custom saddle; they rode Ester up to the manor house on the hill. # The majority of the nobes¡¯ bodyguards had swiftly dispersed through the houses and gardens; satisfying themselves that everything was safe and secure, before returning to guard their primaries. Unfortunately, in every noble¡¯s bodyguard they have at least one¡­ ¡°Her imperial majesty will not be subjected to sharing a roof with common Adventurers!¡± Dermaptera argued with as much dignity and decorum as he could muster, while dressed in pincher bug themed armor. ¡°It is an affront to even hint at¡­¡± Isopod¡¯s huge, brown armored hand landed on the smaller Whisper¡¯s shoulder. ¡°The empress is already in her chamber, comfortably taking her ease, friend. She would prefer to let these household arrangements stand unchallenged.¡± The man in heavy rolly-polly armor smiled at the younger fellow, with a comradely pat to the smaller man¡¯s shoulder. That only seemed to incense the fellow even more, as he turned away and joined two of the like minded ducal guards, who were lining up to rush Becky and Amy with similar complaints on their flustered, outraged lips. As the small knot of armored flunctionaries surged toward the pair of young women, two complete sets of dukes and duchesses and the empress herself joined the pleasant little tea party on the patio. Becky and Amy sat back, sipping their tea and enjoyed the interplay between the comfy nobles and their earnest, insistent retainers. ¡°This ¡®unseemly state of affairs¡¯ is precisely why protocol minister Ziang was not invited to join us on this voyage, Earwig.¡± Gabbie scolded her junior Whisper softly, using his hated nickname with a slightly vicious smile. ¡°Now go see about your actual duties; I¡¯m on vacation, you ninny!¡± It took a little finagling and convincing to get the protocol obsessed retainers in the imperial and ducal parties to chill out and get in line. ¡°Some people just can¡¯t say yes to a good time.¡± His grace, duke Julius Rummel muttered around his pipe stem, his handsome, sandy blonde head wreathed by fragrant smoke, inside and out. ¡°Jules¡­ try and stay focused.¡± Duchess Grace mumbled softly, as she climbed into his lap and stole away his pipe. # On the western slopes above Wheatford, a wide, level road of hard baked clay led up into the hills, which became desert dry a mile or so ahead, when the party prepared to make camp. ¡°Bit late in the day, sundown will come soon.¡± The lord of Shiraz grumbled, as the ducal seat began to receive information from his lower regions, news that had been delayed by bouncing on an unfamiliar, hard leather saddle. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Oh, gods¡­ I haven¡¯t been riding much lately¡­¡± He mumbled, when the twinned demons of throbbing and chafing manifested in his pants. ¡°We have an emollient for that, your grace.¡± Adam Belen mumbled so softly that the duke¡¯s mount might have heard, but no other. ¡°My sister will bring it to the lady Jaspreet, discreetly in a few minutes. She can apply it to your lower quarters, in your quarters.¡± ¡°My quarters?¡± He asked in amusement, and some discomfort. ¡°In one of these tiny hovels your children are erecting?¡± All around the field, small, colorful tents were appearing, as if by magic. He paused to watch the process, as two teenagers swiftly unrolled a silk and canvas bundle and began propping it up with cleverly jointed, socketed sticks of bamboo and guy lines tied to stakes driven into the soil. ¡°No, your grace, we will be making accommodations for you that are more suitable. Observe the coachmen, please, your grace.¡± Adam murmured quietly. As they watched, two coachmen hopped into one of the carriages and began fiddling about, sliding the plush, comfortable bench seats forward and folding them into a wide, comfortable looking bed. Pillows, sheets, blankets and a down comforter appeared from hidden storage spaces, as the men worked silently. A narrow walkway on either side allowed egress from both doors, should someone need to exit during the night. The workers swiftly dropped stabilizing legs down into the ground, turning the carriage into a tiny cabin by the wayside. The remaining two carriages received the same treatment, establishing a cozy camp around the AdventureWagon? that accompanied the Belen warrior team. That small cart had unfolded out into a serviceable camp kitchen and started sending pleasant aromas out immediately, tended by a small team of servants in Belen livery¡­ That meant they were probably retired Adventurers too. ¡°Bloody Wheatford¡­¡± He muttered, as the scent of dinner called him away with its siren song. # Rolf and Angie walked back from the manor house, because Ester was romping about in the pastures with her non magical cousins, doing horsie stuff¡­ She was done with boats for now, that was clear. At sundown, Ester made her way back into the little hamlet that had popped up by the water side, smiling and exhausted in her human form. She staggered to the bath and vanished; with only a tired wave at Rolf and Angie, over by the fire pit enjoying the evening. Rolf spoke softly to the exhausted young mare when she dragged herself out of the baths, wrapped in a robe and sat at his feet for him to brush and braid her hair. ¡°We will be heading overland for three days¡­ or perhaps less, Ester.¡± He murmured, as Angie played something soft on her long, monster bone flute. ¡°The local lord, sir Penryn will provide our mounts, so you will have plenty of company, my dear.¡± ¡°Mmph¡­ About time.¡± She mumbled through a massive whinnying yawn. ¡°Making me slosh about on the water all this while¡­¡± She probably had more complaints, but a soft, snuffling snore began rumbling up from the tiny, platinum blonde child asleep at his feet. The burly blonde lord gently scooped her up into his arms and folded her away, back into the hidden recesses of his soul. Her clothing tumbled to his feet, left behind as she vanished, unable to follow her into that place. ¡°Well, Off to bed then.¡± Angie announced with absolute certainty. # Morning on the uplands above Port Clement came swaddled in thick clouds of fog, drifting slowly up the hills, as the sea breezes freshened and the day warmed. The company formed up in the cottony morass, finding each other by the tinkling of the bells on each horse¡¯s halter. Were they riding downhill into the sun, only a blank sheet of white fog would be visible¡­ Instead, their shadows lurched out into the haze, cast in long and disturbing forms as they rode. At least, they all tried to pretend that was the case; that everyone¡¯s shadow was distorted and seemed to move of its own volition and in improbable ways¡­ not just the shadows cast by the three Ward kids. Rio¡¯s especially seemed to take shapes that were unrelated to what was going on, pretty much most of the time. ¡°Just don¡¯t look at them¡­¡± Amy whispered to the newer members of duke Julius¡¯ guard. ¡°There¡¯s nothing there but shadows, I promise. See? The horses don¡¯t mind¡­¡± Amy had changed into light armor for today, still in bright, cobalt blue and decorated with colorful, whimsical images. Today the Ward kids wore light cloth and reinforced wooden armor, with helmets that sacrificed face protection for unimpeded vision. Stiffened, vented plates of laminated and enchanted hardwood and spider silk covered their vitals, knees, elbows and forearms. Half fingered, reinforced gloves and close fit goggles finished off the odd uniform. The colors varied widely, as did embellishments and the general shape, with an emphasis on lightweight protection and full range of motion. The older Adventurers and team Ragamuffin each straddled odd constructs of wood and metal, with spun steel, spoked wheels with a bronze and brass metal tangle of rings and chains mounted to the incomprehensible things. Most bore a quiver of light lances or a sheathed cavalry sabre, as though these things were their mounts¡­ The odd Adventurers all sat there at the head of the column, as though they were ready to leave¡­ waiting as the party of nobles, guards and guests mounted up behind a bright blue and green Adventurewagon that made Dannyl smile. ¡°The old mystery machine!¡± He cheered and gave Otho the dog a good scratch on his rump, making the giant familiar¡¯s hind leg thump in his harness. ¡°We fitted it with all the latest advancements from Wardco labs and Adventureworks¡­¡± Amy said smugly, while jabbing a thumb at Wilf and Rio. ¡°We¡¯ll have a comfortable journey, I think. These two did all the work, they¡¯re the best.¡± ¡°What about your boat and houses¡­?¡± Someone asked from the mist. ¡°Oh, they¡¯ll be just fine.¡± The small blue dynamo answered her unseen and unfamiliar querent. She smiled smugly and let out a sharp whistle. ¡°We¡¯re outriding this morning folks, stay within earshot of each other and stay on the road. Tallum and Ivy are riding trail, so try and keep up.¡± With that, she hopped onto what must be a saddle of some kind and began cranking her legs. Somehow, that motion propelled her up the road at a steadily increasing speed. Rio joined her at the head of the column, with the rest of Team Ragamuffin following in a loose formation, pedaling along silently on swift wheels. The horses followed Ester, when she began trotting after the kids, setting an easy pace for the climb into the foothills, where the grass became sere and sparse. Soon the whole party got on the road, including two coaches borrowed from lord Penryn for the trip. They were not grand, nor were they luxurious, but they were well sprung and comfy, even when filled to capacity with noble ladies and an empress. By late morning, the party was strung out along a quarter mile of open road, enjoying a relaxed canter through the high plains and into the beginnings of the desert. They called a break, near a small spring that vanished back into the sandy soil a few dozen yards from the rocky cleft from which it sprang, bubbling merrily over the stones. The less practiced equestrians in the group stretched, groaned, slipped off into the bushes to rub ointments and balms on places and generally tried to stomp feeling back into their bottoms. That included the three young women in the uniform of imperial naval captains; those three worthies zombie walked into a nearby thicket to smear Frankie¡¯s saddle salve to some tender locations in private. Bethany found herself staring down the road at the distant lake and manor house through a spyglass, before silently handing it off to each in turn. No sign of the little cluster of cottages, or the boat were to be seen, nothing all remained on those sparkling, distant waters. ¡°Do you think someone sailed her away¡­?¡± Elaine asked very softly. The usually bold and expressive woman seemed far less confident standing ashore and on a dusty hillside far from the sea. ¡°No one stole Moonrise, we took her with us.¡± Amy said softly, as she stepped into the three naval officer¡¯s little private thicket. ¡°She¡¯s one of my family¡¯s treasures, so we can pack her up with our houses. Hi, I¡¯m Amy Ward, Gabbie said you wanted to hang out, but were feeling shy.¡± She smiled at Bethany Wagner, who was busy rubbing a pale blue ointment on Hermione¡¯s butt, in a very embarrassing way. She shot a wink at Elaine, the smallest of the three women, who had done her best to slip back into the bushes in surprise when the cheerful young girl stepped into their group. ¡°It¡¯s just us girls¡­ and I know how saddlesore you must be already.¡± She murmured gently. ¡°Come on, we¡¯ll get you girls slathered up, then have some lunch.¡± She produced a pot of the same pale blue unguent from her pocket and dipped two fingers in with a wide smile on her dark face, her cheeks shining like ripe plums in the summer sun. ¡°Show doctor Amy where it hurts!¡± # Three shaken and upset young captains of the imperial navy staggered from the thicket a few minutes later, their uniforms once more in proper condition. Amy swaggered out in the midst of the pack, chattering merrily with her new friends. ¡°I feel a little bad about setting her on them like that¡­¡± Gabbie mumbled to Jocomo and Becky over lunch. ¡°They are all three former captives, liberated from slavery by your antics over the last few years.¡± She smiled as the brash young admiral bullied her new friends into relaxing a little. ¡°Look, Eliane just took off her hat and jacket¡­ How remarkable!¡± The three captains found themselves seated on a blanket under a wide spreading oak tree, having lunch, while the pirate princess and her crew of cutthroats tended to the nearly thirty horses in the party. Eight were the coach teams, fine animals, all well matched in stride and gait. The rest were a mix of retired warhorses, ponies, aging mares and the kind of workaday horses that really kept most farms and outlying manors running. In the loose rope pen, the guards and Adventurers did the necessary work of the equestrian arts. They were all brushing, grooming, cooling, watering and tending the mounts with the kind of care and attention that bespoke experienced riders and warriors. ¡°...just relax and enjoy the journey, we¡¯ll have lots of fun!¡± She giggled, as her curry brush whisked a few clinging cockleburrs from an aging peibald mare¡¯s fetlock, eliciting a snuffling whinny of thanks. None of the sailors were quite certain whether the mad girl was speaking to one of them, all of them, the horse, or perhaps all three and all of the horses¡­ In any case she was the focus of the entire corral¡¯s attention as she bustled about. Her crew moved briskly and quietly, working at their tasks efficiently, while Amy swanned about, making a scene and distributing small squares of a sticky semi-solid apricot flavored gel to both horses and riders. ¡°These will help recover from the day¡¯s exertions¡± She sang happily as she passed out her treats to everyone who came in range. When the horses were cooled down and relaxed, the odd young Adventurers sprawled out on the blanket around their three new friends with casual and tranquil ease. The big man in red armor produced a few wicker baskets containing a vast picnic feast, enough for at least twenty men and began attacking the victuals. ¡°Eat, there¡¯s plenty¡­ we have more miles to travel today¡­¡± Amy chirped merrily, in a brief moment when she wasn¡¯t chewing on something. ¡°We are going to be hanging out on the road this afternoon; the old people are riding at the front for the next leg.¡± Her naughty wink at the high priestess brought an involuntary giggle to Hermione¡¯s lips, which she quickly squashed with her fingertips. The expression of abject embarrassment that washed over her face drew a sad sigh from Amy. ¡°You really need to lighten up, come with me. Maya, come on, girl time! Boys, no peeping.¡± The blue clad girl and her diminutive comrade dragged the three naval officers into a nearby thicket with some means of compulsion the veteran captains didn¡¯t understand. ¡°All right, costume change¡­¡± Little Maya said sharply to her elders, once they were alone. ¡°You are going to ruin your uniforms, be super uncomfortable and look like idiots if you keep dressing like that on the road.¡± She clapped her hands twice and grinned. ¡°Let¡¯s see what we can do for you darlings¡­¡± ¡°We have no other clothing, our uniforms are required¡­¡± Bethany began, weakly. ¡°Nope.¡± Amy announced from behind her, drawing their attention to where she stood, beside a small collection of garments hung neatly from hangers, dangling from a few convenient boughs. ¡°I asked Gabbie, you girls are on leave¡­ I had Wilf put a few comfortable traveling options together for you. These are gifts from house Ward, friends.¡± Her smile became a little predatory. ¡°Now we address your crippling style and comfort deficits.¡± # ¡°I like sewing, it¡¯s relaxing and quiet¡­ don¡¯t always have to have fire, sparks and smoke¡­¡± Wilf muttered softly to the boys, when they grinned rakishly at him; after the girls were safely out of sight, of course. ¡°Laugh all you want¡­ I don¡¯t care.¡± The big craftsman sniffed with elaborate dignity. ¡°I¡¯m an artist.¡± ¡°You really are, young man¡­¡± Elaine murmured softly, as she emerged from the thicket a moment later, dressed in imperial style common clothing. The small, powerfully built woman wore loose, neutral colored trousers, a wrap around and tie style shirt and a long, pale gray vest with decorative embroidery depicting a bamboo forest; as though it were sketched in a few bold strokes with ink and a brush pen. She topped it with a conical straw hat and smiled up at the young giant. ¡°Civilian clothes again after so long¡­¡± She sighed happily. ¡°...and the fit and feel. Thank you, young man.¡± She giggled musically and sank back down onto the blanket, rooting around in the basket for another goat cheese, black olive and lemon zest sandwich. Within a few minutes the others emerged, dressed in well cut and fitted casual traveling clothes, shyly adjusting their garments constantly, as they mounted their horses among the giggling teens on strange machines. Riding among their softly whirring ¡®bikes¡¯ on actual horses felt awkward and weird at first, even though the horses seemed to accept the group of odd kids eagerly; The beasts were constantly nickering and chuffing happily at the young Adventurers and following them down the road. ¡°Is it just me, or is your horse just following them and ignoring you?¡± Bethany asked Hermione softly, in a quiet moment. ¡°I knew it!¡± She whispered fiercely in reply. ¡°I never ride these awful things so it was¡­ Ouch!¡± Hermione¡¯s mount took a brief, inexplicable stumble on the smooth, wide road; bouncing the naval officer just enough that her forehead rapped sharply against her horsie¡¯s skull, just a little. ¡°Gods¡­!¡± She gasped, while rubbing her sore skull bone. ¡°Wretched thing! That felt deliberate!¡± Eventually the young captains found themselves drawn into the odd group of young people and their bizarre antics; following the strange group into the wilderness, even so far from the sea. # Ch: 31 Like A Rolling Stone Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 31 Like A Rolling Stone It felt good, running beneath her two best friends and trotting up a wide, gradual incline with the sun shining. Ester Poppyfield stretched her legs out and took a slight lead on the friends eating her dus¡­ following her lead. Hooves on hard-baked clay sounded oddly hollow, once the sun warmed the smooth roadbed, thundering behind her in a steady, rolling drumbeat. The humans she allowed to serve and groom her herd took the steady rolling hoofbeats and joined in song, whistling and singing softly as they rode among the troupe. Their invigorating songs meshed and blended with her own gifts and powers in sublime ways that even she didn¡¯t fully understand, yet. There was something about the simplicity of road running¡­ tranquil was the word. Her small herd trailed out behind, keeping pace well, under the influence of her expanded and augmented magical aura. The least member of her herd could run farther, longer and more swiftly in her trail than any of them could alone; this was her gift from great Eponna, goddess of horses, swiftness in motion and the wind. With a shivering whinny of joy, she picked up the pace just a little. Seraphina the palomino pony could shed a little stable weight on today¡¯s climb. # Sere and sparse, the upland desert slowly closed in around them as the sun began to fall. Their road curved slightly, passing between two low peaks, but that was for tomorrow; the kids were already setting camp up ahead, by the sound of music in the near distance. She slowed, to give the kids a little more time¡­ and to enjoy a little more late afternoon sunshine. They trotted around the curve; ¡®goin up around the bend¡¯ if you will; just as the kids wound down from ¡®Creedence Clearwater Revival¡¯ or whatever those silly two legged goofs called it. In a wide gravely stretch of flat, dusty ground beside the road, a garden hamlet lounged insolently. The same cluster of little houses, bathing pools and orchards that had haunted their travels so far, improbable as that might seem. The three naval officers Team Ragamuffin had ¡®shanghaied¡¯ into their group were sitting on the fresh green lawn, looking a little dazed, while the kids finished up their ritual. Ester and her cohort headed for the small barn and the well stuffed haycrib for a bit of a nibble, while their two legged minions brushed them down and gently checked the hooves of their supervising equines. ¡®Poor things would never get anywhere without help.¡¯ She thought to herself yet again, as the sad, clumsy humans toddled around and moaned about their rumps. Once her herd had been tended properly, she allowed the humans a little free time. They deserved it, the poor things. # ¡°These strange things you ride¡­¡± Elaine murmured; standing over by the rack of ¡®bikes¡¯ near the gate and looking them over with interest. ¡°They seem to be mechanical devices.¡± She left the question unspoken as she continued eyeing the machines with unconcealed curiosity. ¡°They are, these are one of our favorite innovations.¡± Amy answered excitedly. ¡°Most of my team¡¯s bikes have magical elements built into them, but the basic machine is entirely mundane. It¡¯s an art anyone can learn with a little balance and practice.¡± She pulled Ivy¡¯s bright yellow machine from the rack of vaguely similar constructs and held it out for inspection by the three captains. The strange, steel spoked pair of wheels on the thing grabbed their attention first; slim and delicate seeming, they somehow bore the weight and stresses of a human rider with ease. The two wheels were bound round with some kind of knobby, dark colored substance that was slightly flexible, but very tough and resilient, rather than a steel or iron rim as was present on all the wooden wheeled carriages everywhere. The wheels were mounted in line, on a complex framework of wooden and steel cantilevers, triangles, rods and levers. At least two dozen bronze pivot points, a mind boggling array of cables and a pair of captured springs bound in steel straps held the thing together, allowing it to be simultaneously rigid, flexible, strong and light. A slightly curved bar mounted across and slightly behind the front wheel allowed the rider to steer the thing and held a number of levers, grips, handles and¡­ things that were largely mysterious. Becky, Amy, Frank, Wilf and Rio¡¯s machines all had strange steel and bronze structures mounted in the empty place inside their frames, while the ones ridden by the other members of the party had semi rigid storage bags or weapons mounted in that space. ¡°I see that yours is different, why is that?¡± Bethany asked, feeling a little more relaxed, now that they were off the horses for the night. Amy tapped the streamlined metal object mounted in her bright blue machine and smiled. ¡°This is a motor that can make it go really fast, kinda like our boats.¡± She murmured quietly ¡°We don¡¯t use them most of the time anyway. Nobody but Ester could keep up if we did.¡± ¡°You all seem to be walking normally after that¡­ ride.¡± Hermione spoke with a little more confidence as well, with solid ground under her feet. ¡°Are these things less¡­ energetic than horses?¡± ¡°Gods no.¡± She giggled a little at that and sighed fondly. ¡°The saddle will break your arse to pieces, grind it into flour and knead it into a whole new shape. That¡¯s when it stops being torture and becomes as close as a human can get to the sensation of flight, just like with horsies.¡± She kept talking while she scratched a huge equine jaw that nuzzled over the bike rack for a little attention, while the humans were wasting time not petting horses. ¡°Either way, riding is painful until you finally accept the pain, embrace it and let it float away in your dust trail.¡± She slipped a carrot between the big old warhorse¡¯s snuffling lips and smiled. ¡°Bikes are transportation and a lot of fun, but horsies are friends.¡± ¡°May I try?¡± Elaine asked, just a little hesitantly. ¡°Oh, I was hoping you¡¯d ask that!¡± She giggled happily, as her teammates slowly closed in around them. ¡°Hold still, you gotta wear safety gear for biking, it¡¯s the rules.¡± Wilford rumbled as he closed in on the three small women and began pulling objects from behind himself. Helmets like the kids all wore, elbow and knee armor and reinforced gloves in neutral colors appeared and were quickly buckled onto the captains. The friendly tussle ended when Maya and Amy finished them off with a bright colored wooden clip on each of their right side trouser cuffs, snugging the fabric away from the works of the machines. ¡°Is all this really necessary?¡± Elaine asked just a little hotly, when she noticed that the entire party was quietly observing their activities. ¡°I feel a bit of a fool.¡± ¡°Ohh yeah, cycling gear looks super dorky.¡± Rio sang happily, with a huge smile on his handsome, youthful face. ¡°It¡¯s traditional, I¡¯m afraid. Just be glad our dad isn¡¯t here. He figured out a new textile that¡¯s amazingly stretchy and comfortable¡­ but really clingy and embarrassing.¡± ¡°Super dorky.¡± Wilford rumbled with the finality of a legal judgment, there would be no appeal. ¡°No ¡®spandex¡¯, that¡¯s a rule!¡± Amy agreed, as she double checked her three students¡¯ gear. ¡°Now each of you straddle one, don¡¯t be shy.¡± It took a little coaxing and some fumbling around to get the tree women in position, with one of the kids standing behind each of them. ¡°We¡¯ll get you started and keep you balanced while you get the feel for it. Hands off the controls for right now, just relax, hold the grips and keep your feet on the pedals.¡± # What followed entertained all the humans and horses for a good few minutes of hilarious pratfalls and wobbling tumbles onto the soft, lush turf. One after another, they tried, failed and tried again. The three captains and a number of the other guards and escorts gave the strange machines a try; each one finding it to be incomprehensible and utterly impossible, right up until it wasn¡¯t. With a sudden and anticlimactic, almost audible pop, the things became entirely natural to the novice riders. Scattered on the lawn all around, the off duty guards and Adventurers sprawled out in the fading sunshine, enjoying the colors spraying across the sky. ¡°With horsies, until you learn to trust each other, riding is more of a struggle for dominance than a cooperative activity.¡± Wilford mumbled to Elaine and Bethany. ¡°You don¡¯t trust your mounts, so you shift your weight around and try to make them do what you think they should be doing.¡± This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. ¡°That annoys them and makes the process a trial for both of you.¡± Amy whispered in agreement. ¡°The bike¡¯s form and function perfectly align with human anatomy and biomechanics, so it feels right, even under a novice. Oliver and Sasha are living beings with their own ideas and needs.¡± ¡°Are you scolding me for my horsemanship?¡± Elaine demanded, with just a little embarrassment coloring her face in the gathering evening. ¡°Afraid so.¡± Amy shook her head with just a little smile on her lips. ¡°Sasha and Oliver asked me to speak to you¡­ Drumming your heels on their ribs and tugging the reins is considered very bad manners in the stable. I thought if you learnt how to ride our bikes you might see where you could improve, horsie wise.¡± ¡°I should rather acquire one of these devices.¡± Elaine muttered. ¡°They don¡¯t sweat or fart.¡± Hermione giggled, while Bethany nodded in sober agreement with her fellow captain. ¡°We¡¯d be happy to sell you one and teach you how to service it, but for this trip it would probably be best to stay on Sasha. Providing your own power is more strenuous than it appears at first.¡± She got to her feet, yawned expansively and stretched. ¡°Let¡¯s have dinner and see what tomorrow brings.¡± ¡°Tomorrow brings a minor monster hunt.¡± Dannyl said from the garden gate, where he and Ivy were discussing matters with Larksong, duke Rummel¡¯s scout. ¡°And an interesting one at that.¡± ¡°Oh! Sounds fun. Tell us all about it over dinner.¡± Amy bubbled happily. # ¡°We are seeing signs of cave dwellers emerging into the light and creatures behaving in odd ways.¡± Larksong said firmly and directly, speaking as she always did; even when addressing the common room of a busy roadside tavern filled with nobles, guards and Adventurers. ¡°It¡¯s unclear whether our travel will be hindered¡­ something in the woods feels¡­ off.¡± ¡°Your recommendations?¡± Duke Julius asked, his eyes dancing with interest. ¡°Shall we do a bit of hunting?¡± ¡°My lord, with all respect and courtesy, are you daft?¡± She asked with a bit of crispness in her tone. ¡°I¡¯ll not be responsible for leading this parade into the maw of a¡­¡± ¡°We don¡¯t know anything yet, my lords and ladies.¡± Dannyl slipped in smoothly, gently turning Larksong by the shoulders and into the care of her leader, Runningtree. The handsome ginger warrior smiled and took over for the irascible scout. ¡°There is the possibility that something concerning is happening here. Our suggestion is that we carry on, with greater caution and traverse this region safely.¡± ¡°Excellent!¡± Julius clapped his hands with glee at the thought. ¡°Once we arrive at our destination, we can send an expedition out for a bit of fun¡­¡± The combined frigid glares of duchesses Grace and Emma chilled his spine and brought the handsome duke to a stumbling halt. ¡°...or rather, sensible and conservative exploration, with all due care for safety.¡± # Riding point, a mixed platoon of ducal guards and Adventurers ranged out about a mile ahead of the relatively slow moving group. Horses and bikes moving in loose formation down the road, watching for signs of trouble, the teams swapped out and mixed up frequently, providing fresh eyes and rested animals at the head of the column at all times. The main body of the troop surrounded the three coaches and the dog cart, the guardians cantering along, relaxed and alert. Following after, rode the small team of younger Adventurers, eating dust when they weren¡¯t riding point, as was traditional. Amy grumbled about their position in the column, but only when no nobs or veterans could hear. ¡°We could blast past ¡®em and be there the day after tomorrow! Slowpokes¡­¡± She still found time to admire the wide, barren vista of the desert heights. In the heat of the day the sun could be vicious, pounding down and bouncing back up from the pale granite boulders and light colored clay of the road. By night, chill winds could make the pine trees whisper, moan or wail, depending on their mood. That night they encamped in a narrow mountain dell, little more than a dip in the terrain, but sufficient to cut the chill breeze running up the pass it was pleasantly flat and lightly forested with a mix of oak and pine. Dinner was shaping up to be a memorable one, prepared by Rootedbear, the giant heavy fighter from the Sparrowhawks, with assistance from Wilf and Maya. The giant had come up lucky and found a huge, hideous, rat-like beast wandering on the road and had brought it down with a single hurled javelin. The huge tribal Adventurer displayed a delicate skill as he carved into half a roast wallowbear basted with salt, honey and its own fat. The skin crackled deliciously as his massive knife sheared through the rich, juicy meat. He laid each slice on a tray beside him for the next in line. Wielding a pair of tongs and a pastry brush, Wilf baptized each strip of meat with more of the basting mixture and laid them on a charcoal grill for a quick sear. Maya¡¯s quick, sure hands dished up heaping bowls of rice and draped a few gleaming, steaming slices on top, with a hearty scoop of richly sauced, lightly sauteed wild vegetables. Rio and Amy were turning a huge mound of vegetables from the garden into a massive salad bar in the corner, diligently washing and chopping with a smooth funky beat. On the other side of the kitchen, Benny pulled trays of hot shortbread cookies from the oven. Frankie¡¯s steaming fruit compote and delicate whipped custard was going to elevate those slightly sweet, faintly salty little rascals into the stratosphere. Eager hands took bowls of steaming rice and toothsome toppings, amid the clatter of spoons, forks and chopsticks¡­ This was going to be one to remember. Dannyl and Larksong broke the cheery vibe a few minutes later, when they came back in, looking worried, tired and more than a little bemused. ¡°We definitely have trouble. Big trouble.¡± The tribal scout muttered with a wry smile on her coppery face. ¡°I¡¯ll let the boy explain¡­ I¡¯m hungry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a case study in monster ecology¡­¡± Dannyl lectured to his amused audience, while the slim, tall warrior joined what would be remembered as ¡®The Battle of Ricebowl Bar; over at the bar, where they were passing out rice bowls. ¡°Monsters are created when a normal beast becomes infested with a fractional soul from outside our reality. These things happen all the time and in any number of ways, but typically the host being will overwhelm the fragmentary soul, expelling its essence and retaining a small measure of its power. Only when the outside influence is able to dominate the native soul and supplant that creature with itself, does a monster begin to develop.¡± Larksong reclined on a sofa, near the fireplace in Wilf¡¯s common room and nodded her agreement from behind a heaping bowl of something that looked tasty. ¡°This is knowledge my tribe has long held.¡± ¡°Yes, this theory has been making its way through academic circles lately.¡± Duke Rummel murmured. The veteran Adventurer nodded eagerly, winked at the huge young man sitting near the workshop door. ¡°This is my specific area of study¡­ Monster behavior and development is a little understood field.¡± He began drawing a rough sketch on a chalkboard that Wilf dragged out, rolling the thing along on small wheels, smiling excitedly all the while. ¡°Monstering up doesn¡¯t change the underlying creature, it adds to it; This explains many of the idiosyncrasies of monster behavior.¡± He continued his lecture, still sketching with swift, sure strokes. ¡°We see many monsters continuing to engage in courtship and other behaviors that seem random and inexplicable at first glance. Typically we find, if we look more closely; that the behaviors are rooted in the instincts and drives of the host creature, commingling or conflicting with the imperatives of the invader.¡± ¡°Like the way deathshead locusts drill holes and lay infertile eggs under the bark of trees?¡± Bronwyn asked, from her place beside duke and duchess Rummel. The muscular blonde bodyguard leaned forward eagerly, smiling with excitement. ¡°I¡¯d always wondered¡­¡± She murmured. Dannyl nodded and smiled at his eager pupils. ¡°I¡¯ll be conducting some seminars when we get to Foresthome. The count and countess are also keen students of the natural, magical and monster sciences; we will be sharing information and having some lively discussions.¡± Becky coughed expressively and winked at her excitable ginger brother. ¡°Dan¡­ The topic?¡± ¡°Oh right!¡± He smiled a grin so dazzling that a few of the onlookers blinked their dazzled eyes for a moment. ¡°So when natural instincts start butting up against monster instincts and drives, things can get a little weird. We¡¯ve all heard stories of monsters gathering egg shaped objects and nesting on them or ¡®adopting¡¯ and ¡®caring¡¯ for inedible objects that happen to resemble the young of their species.¡± Nods and murmurs swept the room, drawing another high wattage smile from the beautiful man at the chalkboard. ¡°Aside from their insatiable hunger and violent territorial urges, brooding and nesting behaviors are among the most common anomalies we find. Occasionally, when the stars align and the gods are looking to amuse themselves, we find truly bizarre activities.¡± He swept his gaze over the crowd of veteran warriors, nobles and Adventurers. ¡°This one is pretty special¡­ and also, problematic.¡± He took a few more sweeping slashes with his chalk and stepped back from the slate face of the board so everyone could see. Drawn out elegant strokes and with startling clarity; the crowd looked out on a heavily forested valley, picked out with sparse detail, but beautifully evocative of a peaceful, uninhabited swathe of nearly untouched wilderness. A curving, undulating road flowed down the near side, before winding back up the other; save that in the very center of the image, at the bottom of the valley, two behemoths waged a savage battle. The devastation wrought by their conflict lay all around; shattered stumps, broken trees and upturnt ground. A bridge lay in ruins, crushed into a vague smear in the chalk sketch, as two behemoths waged war in the wreckage of a pleasant scene. ¡°No¡­ Really?¡± Becky asked with excitement and concern warring on her dark, lovely face. ¡°Yup.¡± Dannyl smiled again, shaking his ginger head in amusement and chagrin. It¡¯s like something from one of Fig¡¯s stories¡­ Sisyphus and the freaking boulder.¡± # Morning came early in the mountains, above the fog line. It was a more somber crew that trooped out onto the road and continued their ascent, while the little garden hamlet blew away on a fitful breeze, as though it had never existed at all. It took two hours of slow and careful progress before the leaders of the column heard the first sounds of the battle, rumbling in the air. They rode another half mile before they could lay eyes on the cause of the terrific crashing and thunderous rumbles that shook the mountains. ¡°Kaiju battle¡­¡± Becky whispered in awe, from astride her bike. ¡°Do you guys have anything for this? I won¡¯t be mad if you filched something from your folks¡­ I can¡¯t promise they won¡¯t be mad though¡­¡± ¡°Nope!¡± Amy muttered crossly. ¡°We¡¯re on double secret special weapons probation.¡± She grumbled unhappily. ¡°This is way outside our margin of safety.¡± They stood on a high escarpment, a jagged granite shelf that looked out in a green and wild vista of tall conifers, spreading their dark green boughs over the sides of a steep valley. A small river cut through the green of deciduous trees and wide, grassy meadows, sparkling ponds¡­ and at the foot of the winding road that had stretched across the valley, a tumbled field of broken stone, churned earth and shattered trees. Mud and silt backed up from the site of a titanic battle, forming a brown and turbid lake, damned by a heap of churned filth and splintered trees. Uprooted trees and holes in the canopy from wreckage falls marred the greenery for a quarter mile around the monstrous display of mindless rage, as two inconceivably huge insects strove for supremacy on the valley floor. A long horned, black carapaced beetle rampaged below, its glossy wing covers rising at least a dozen yards above the ground. Longer than a warship, round bodied and standing on a literal forest of weirdly jointed legs, it pushed and stabbed at its equally massive foe. Lower to the ground, but very much longer and wider, a massive, segmented, heavily armored bug pushed back, clashing its mandibles on the armor of the other titanic bug, as the colossal black dung beetle¡¯s horn and pincers failed to penetrate the heavy chitin of the terrifying, nightmare rolly polly. As they watched, the pillbug did what pillbugs do; it rolled up into an impenetrable ball of smooth, hard shell. At that point, the dung beetle began doing what those creatures do; rolling the enormous round ball along, towards whatever destination it had in mind. That lasted only a minute or two, before the isopod uncurled to have another go at the equally invulnerable shitbug. They clashed, shoved, bit and scrabbled at each other, shearing legs and antennae off in their fury, but they each had a truly disgusting array of spares for everything, with more regenerating as the horrified onlookers looked on from their overlook. The isopod must have had a thousand mismatched legs from all over the insect kingdom, while the dung beetle had a leg, mandible or mouth part for every occasion, except this one. ¡°I did some scouting last night, after dark. Dannyl said with a wide, happy grin. ¡°It¡¯s fascinating, these two idiots met up a few weeks ago, uphill in a small side valley¡­ They¡¯ve been going at it off and on for a few months at least.¡± He pointed towards the rugged, less heavily forested upper end of the narrow, stony fold in the mountains where signs of similar, if much lesser destruction appeared here and there, leading down from a craggy fissure, much higher up in the mountains. ¡°Looks like they fought their way from up there. Most giant monsters either stumble on an abundant food source and eat ¡®til they bust their guts, or they consume everything around and starve. These guys hit the growth spurt we usually see before the end of their natural lifespan and just kept going¡­¡± Dannyl muttered in wonder, as the dung beetle got his pillbug halfway up a hillside, before it slipped and rolled back down, splatting into the shallow, awful lake with a horrible, earth shaking sound. The beetle ambled right back over and started the whole process over again, battling the isopod in the swirling mud, until it rolled back into a ball. The dumb beetle started rolling it back uphill in a deep, mud caked rut that showed a lot of repeated use. ¡°Ok, that¡¯s a lot.¡± Wilf muttered as he pulled a white clay ocarina in the shape of a pudgy little songbird from his storage gift when no one was looking. The sweet strains of ¡®Three Little Birds¡¯ piped from his lips a moment before the round little birdy took wing. # Ch: 32 Learning To Fly Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 32 Learning To Fly On a boulder strewn hillside, they reconvened to plan the next step in comfort. The kids once more performed their more elaborate ritual, with perimeter ropes and a prolonged set up. All the animals had been released from their tack and let loose to roam in a corral with Ester, while the kids performed their rite on the only piece of flat ground in the area. They even encroached on the road, where the carriages were parked, simply encompassing the vehicles in their preparations. The horses snuffled and shifted with excitement at the early break; no doubt they were also pleased to be a mile away from the titanic conflict raging on the other side of the granite massif. When the barn and hay crib appeared they frisked abominably and were entirely too obvious about their enthusiasm for a short day. ¡°There¡¯s an old mining road that rings the valley¡­ no good for coaches or wagons but it was passable two years ago.¡± Dannyl told the group. ¡°I¡¯ve wandered these hills a little bit so I¡¯m confident we can get around them. Our friends should also have scared off pretty much every mobile creature in the area, so we can expect minimal monster and beast activity¡­¡± The young man sketched out a proposed marching order, route and timetable, followed by a few concise instructions. ¡°...we will be operating on a three buddy system, no one goes off alone, trios at minimum. The horses will be totally dependent on us, so look after your mounts and be conservative.¡± Nods and soft noises of agreement circulated in the room, as the nobles and their guards conferred, with one notable exception. ¡°Her imperial radiance cannot sit astride some mangey, flea riddled¡­¡± Dermaptera began, raising his voice in outrage when he saw where things were going. The frosty glare he received from the empress made his knees quake and his mouth become simultaneously desert dry and overflowing with the drool that heralded nervous nausea. ¡°I will be pleased to ride one of these lovely horses¡­ One must face the rigors of travel with dignity, Sir Earwig.¡± Her radiance declared crisply, officially changing his title with her pronouncement. ¡°Well, that settles that, we depart a half hour after dawn.¡± Becky announced firmly, taking charge through some occult means. ¡°Everyone take a rest, we¡¯ll send some scouts down the trail.¡± She had her eyes on Team Ragamuffin as she spoke, smiling with a little hidden glee. ¡°I¡¯ll be riding with the scouts, so that leaves duke Julius in charge I suppose¡­¡± Duchess Grace coughed gently and winked at the high priestess. ¡°I¡¯ll keep him out of trouble.¡± The two women giggled and jested at his grace¡¯s expense for a few more rounds¡­ while Julius pretended to be offended at their slights against his dignity. ¡°Trouble on the road¡­ Trouble in my home¡­ Respect my authority, woman!¡± Duke Rummel roared, as he chased his wife into the baths. # The Ward kids straddled their odd machines; their ¡®bikes¡¯ at the garden gate and waved impatiently to the gathered company and the straggling members of the patrol ride that had yet to get ready. The remaining three were busy in the combined gaggle of guests and the base camp team. ¡°We¡¯ll keep in contact, don¡¯t fret.¡± The tiny blonde mage cooed to her giant husband. ¡°Yeah¡­ great, Ives¡­¡± He grumbled softly, still looking displeased. ¡°Be careful anyway¡­ I just serviced your bike, don¡¯t break it.¡± His complaints had nothing to do with her machine, anyone could see that; he was a truly awful liar. ¡°Yes husband, I¡¯ll take good care of your precious equipment.¡± Ivy huffed back at him, taking obviously feigned offense at his attitude. ¡°We¡¯ll discuss equipment care and maintenance when I get back.¡± Her sniff of outrage rang hollowly, since it had to wriggle its way around her small, naughty smile, as she stood up balancing on her pedals so the giant could bend almost double to kiss her. Once the mushy stuff had gone on long enough, Amy rang her sweetly alarming bike bell, calling Frank and Becky from the fond embraces of Maya and Kermal, respectively. With just a little good natured grumbling, the rest of the team dragged themselves to their mounts and pedaled away, up the road in near silence, vanishing around a bend within a few minutes. Benny and Maya watched the scouts roll up the mountain pass with a sour look. ¡°I gotta start endurance training with Ivy¡­¡± ¡°I did notice that only Adventurer Ivy¡¯s machine lacked the ¡®motor¡¯ that all the others¡¯ machines held. Yours also lack these things.¡± Hermione murmured softly, still watching where the kids had vanished up the road with a slightly lost expression on her face. ¡°Yeah, only Ivy can keep up with them when they really cut loose. Not everyone is able to power the motors, it requires a special¡­ gift. One that few outside house Ward can acquire.¡± Benny murmured; his voice was quiet and low, seldom heard while he was around his boisterous teammates. ¡°Let¡¯s start dinner, they are going to be ravenous when they get back.¡± # Wilf led the way¡­ as always, cranking hard and pushing himself on the ascent, forcing the others to hammer their way up the road to his punishing cadence. Only Ivy kept pace, her smile of ecstasy so wide that her helmet¡¯s chinstrap squeezed her cherubic cheeks. ¡°One more mile to really warm up, then you cheaters can start your engines.¡± The cruel mage girl barked down the trail at her struggling kin. ¡°But¡­ We¡¯re¡­ Almost¡­ At the¡­ Top¡­¡± Becky wheezed and gasped from the middle of the pack, where she was putting her whole ass into pedaling up the grade¡­ and getting steadily diminishing returns. Frankie was struggling mightily as well, while Amy and Rio smiled and churned along happily in the afternoon sunshine. They finally crested a rise, a few hundred yards from the granite prominence that overlooked the ongoing bug battle in the steep little forested valley. Like distant thunder, the noise of that conflict rang out from time to time, as the monsters continued their struggle. An overgrown cart track led off just below the ridge line, skirting the peaks and winding its way across numerous switchbacks and elevation changes. The subtle line of the abandoned road was visible for a half mile along the outer rim, following the contours of the mountains in both directions. ¡°Oo¡­ that looks nice, tasty gravel.¡± Wilf cooed, when they paused at the trailhead to survey conditions. Pulverized granite and hard packed clay formed a rough, rutted track, little better than a game trail, hugging the slope in a long, steady incline to a gap among the peaks. ¡°Yeah, real nice..¡± Rio mumbled excitedly, while the team was busy checking and adjusting their suspension systems. ¡°We should take the south fork, Dannyl said it was an easier grade.¡± Wilf immediately opened his mouth to strongly suggest the northeast route, only to be cut off before he could begin. ¡°I¡¯m taking the lead, this is not a bombing run, bro. The other route takes us too near the valley those two knuckleheads tumbled out of.¡± That sobered his big, little brother up. Wilf was highly risk averse in most situations. Get the boy on wheels and suddenly he had no fear and a powerful thirst for adventure. ¡°But Rio¡­ we¡¯ve been going so slow!¡± He moaned, still looking up the steep, narrow mountain track. ¡°Sorry, bro. We¡¯re taking it slow and careful¡­ we want a spot on the expedition that¡¯s gonna be coming back, not a seat on the sidelines cause we¡¯re ¡®reckless¡¯.¡± Rio scolded him gently. ¡°We¡¯ll hit the trails and do some splorin¡¯... I promise.¡± Amy thumped him on his massive, armored shoulder and grinned up at him. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s squeeze as much safe, responsible fun out of this as we can.¡± Becky and Ivy leaned in their machines in the shade of a tall yellow pine, savoring the scent of early summer in the mountains and listening to the negotiations. ¡°I¡¯d like to say ¡®they grew up so fast¡¯...¡± Ivy muttered. ¡°It¡¯s always felt like they were grown folks, trapped in kids¡¯ bodies. ¡¯Specially Wilf¡­ and you, kiddo.¡± She shoulder bumped her slim, dusky little sister and sighed softly. ¡°Break¡¯s over, these monsters want us pedaling again¡­ I¡¯d swear they were using their motors.¡± The four kids were busily double checking their machines and snugging their armor up for another leg of the long, miserable climb. ¡°Here, maple candy and some of Liam¡¯s ¡®Turkish¡¯ thingies.¡± The slender wisp of a girl produced a small bag from her coat and tossed it to the sweating blonde mage. ¡°Think about how good that bath is going to feel¡­ once we drop into an epic downhill run.¡± Her little sister¡¯s smile and genuine excitement washed away a little of the older woman¡¯s exhaustion, with some help from the sticky, sweet cubes of candy. The sugar went off like a bomb in her tired body, blasting through her and setting her legs in motion through the simple joy of feeling alive and riding through the mountains. ¡°Dannyl has a loose definition of ¡®passable¡¯ it appears¡­¡± Ivy muttered with a cross look on her cute, cherubic face. ¡°Should have brought Tallum, He lives for this kind of thing.¡± The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Just ahead, the infrequently traveled, seldom maintained mining track cut through a ripple in the hillside. Out of the wind and sloped to collect more water than most of the dry gullies, the vegetation pushed in from the sides, growing more ¡®lush¡¯ which in this case meant thorny and unpleasant. The road cut through a thicket of manzanita that had flourished over the last few wet seasons, becoming a bushy, pointy and very tough obstruction. The roadbed remained mostly intact, but the trees reached for each other across the trail, blocking it to anything larger than small deer. Wilf was off his bike and striding forward eagerly, his warshovel already in hand. Rio and Amy followed after, less eagerly. It was a machete for Amy, with Rio wielding a billhook beside Wilf. Together, the three Ward kids hacked the brush back and stacked the limbs aside, after Wilf selected a number of the branches for his own purposes. Together they cleared a single track through the brush, hewing the limbs well back and doing their best to leave no deadly, impaling traps behind to skewer the unwary. The road uphill was a long, smooth and even descent into the thicket, which concealed a rocky water crossing on a tight bend that was banked entirely the right way for soil retention and stable road building¡­ but completely wrong for a sweet downhill run. Those technical elements, combined with a few lazily hacked off branches and stumps could spell the end of a rider or mount tripped up by nasty surprises. Wilf placed a few trial markers ahead and behind the obstruction, small cairns of deliberately piled stones as a warning to future travelers before they moved on. ¡°Long ascent¡± The big lad grunted, as they cracked along, a quarter mile up the grade. ¡°We¡¯re gonna earn that ride back.¡± # ¡°The Ward kids and Frankie, they¡¯re kinda¡­ special. You should ask Amy if you want answers¡­ They are¡­¡± Benny was seated with the three captains, enjoying tea in the garden, with a serving of interrogation on the side. The big man was blushing and fidgeting nervously under their relentless questioning, after they had waylaid him in the herb garden. ¡°They¡¯re our teammates¡­¡± Maya said firmly, as she joined the party with a sour expression on her angular face. ¡°We don¡¯t gossip about our teammates, captains. If you want to learn the secrets held by Amy and the boys, you gotta ask them.¡± ¡°We did ask.¡± Hermione said with a grimace. ¡°They sang something called ¡®Rainbow Connection¡¯ and slipped away.¡± ¡°If they sang you that one, I guess you¡¯re ok¡­¡± Benny grumbled. ¡°Rio¡¯s really got the Kemit voice down¡­¡± ¡°Shush, ya big mook.¡± The tiny girl snapped fondly at her giant comrade. ¡°Secrets are for keeping.¡± Turning back to the three embarrassed sea captains, she grinned wolfishly. ¡°We¡¯ll let you three ride in our formation tomorrow¡­ If you can keep up, you might just learn some things.¡± ¡°Maya, don¡¯t be mean.¡± The young giant muttered. ¡°Maybe half the day, til lunch.¡± # ¡°If it catches our scent, it¡¯ll bound off into the woods and stalk us until we kill it or it eats all of us. These things are canny, sneaky and almost smart, we need to take it now¡­ and they are¡­ delicious.¡± Ivy said with a smirk and a wink at the big lad, who was looking agitated and eager. ¡°Rio, you¡¯re still on point, you got this?¡± Wilf asked his lanky brother, who nodded tersely. ¡°Bombing run!¡± Wilf called joyfully, as he drew a short, light lance from his storage gift and tossed it to Rio. His own weapon followed immediately after, appearing in position under his arm, the barbed point glinting in the afternoon sun. The element of surprise was key, so Rio was already dropping in, with a brief prayer to the god of beasts on his lips and his lance couched. Wilf heard the others behind him, flying down the trail just close enough that he could hear their wheels on the rutted gravel roadbed. Trees and boulders flashed by at a pretty good pace, considering Rio was on point. A brief gap in the trees gave a glimpse of what lay ahead, at the bottom of the downhill run. At the foot of a granite slab, a wide highland meadow spread out beside the road, with the ruins of a stone building peeking up from the grasses and wildflowers. Their trail ended at the stone prominence, where the old road had slipped down to meet itself. Wilf groaned as he watched Rio hesitate at the drop. ¡°Send it, bro!¡± His shout of encouragement and warning came too late; Rio bobbled his front wheel, scrabbled at the brakes and generally made a mess of it. He launched on a weird angle, flying toward a rough slope of bracken, weeds and saplings, screaming all the way. He managed some kind of a landing, astride his bike in a weird toad crouch, feet on his seat and clinging to the bars for dear life. When his rear wheel landed, Rio¡¯s butt came down hard on that spinning, knobby tire, buzz sawing his buttcheeks viciously. That was the last sight Wilf had of his brother, as he careened off into the woods; desperately steering with one hand, wobbling and gripping his ass with the other. ¡°Ouch¡­¡± The big lad muttered in the brief moments he had left to consider his brother¡¯s fate. The crashing sounds among the trees faded quickly, as Wilf dug in and followed his own advice. Rushing wind and the elation of flight seized his soul as he launched into the pale, early evening sky. Nothing existed in the timeless moment of flight but his prey, his training and muscle memory. His lance slipped from its clip on his bars and tucked in, just like he¡¯d practiced so many times. A flex of Will at the last moment vanished his bike into his shadow, leaving only the armored man and his pointy lance, flying right at his very startled target. Becky¡¯s whoop of feral joy rang out from the drop, just as nearly two hundred and sixty pounds of man, armor and weapon crashed the party. Twelve feet long and as massive as a warhorse, the dire jackalope was not a bunny to be trifled with. Armed with short, curved horns and a second set of pronged antlers behind his ears, few predators would try their luck with a frontal attack. His sturdy hooves and sharp, venomous dewclaws were troubling, but it was the very carnivorous, long, sharp, feline teeth that presented a formidable threat on their own. Wilf¡¯s red armored form blasted into the surprised beast right behind its shoulder, driving his lance deep into its body. A fierce squeal of rage told him he¡¯d missed the giant rabbit monster¡¯s heart¡­ unless it had a few; such mutations were not uncommon. That was a contemplation for later, at the moment he had a set of antlers slashing and bashing at him, pretty understandably. He released the strap of his lance and dropped to the ground, covered in rabbit blood and hair, just in time to catch a glancing blow from a wildly kicking hoof as the rabbit, antelope, cougar monster went wild. He blocked an antler with his shield, conjured from his shadow in the scrum, before replying with a thrust of his short spear, as he danced in a circle around the enraged beast. # Becky, high priestess of Marduk, god of Knowledge and the moon dug her feet down on the pedals, dropping her heels and blasting down the trail, following Frankie and Ivy. Her last minute burst of speed and a shift of balance brought her wheels down on the meadow with powerful jolt; even through the flexing and damping of her bike¡¯s suspension system. Magical hardwood, spell inscribed bronze and good old fashioned spring steel groaned under the forces at play in her wild descent, while soil sprayed out in her wake as she skidded to a halt near the ongoing battle. Amy flashed by twice on her bike in a few scant seconds, slashing with her long sabre on each pass. She harried the wounded beast, pressing it and turning it back when it tried for a leap, while Wilf did the hard work. She ditched her bike and joined her brother on foot, when Frank¡¯s voice came over their earcuffs. ¡°Rio¡¯s fine, we¡¯re joining the fight.¡± The two young Adventurers dashed out of the thicket Rio had vanished into; muddy and looking battered, but armed and moving well. The clack of a pair of crossbows firing heralded the battle¡¯s end, as Amy put a short steel bolt behind its ear, at the same instant Frankie¡¯s heavy quarrel took it in the throat. ¡°All right¡­ Next time, you take point.¡± Rio mumbled in embarrassment, while Wilf hauled Rio¡¯s machine out of the woods. Together, he and Amy went over the wreck of the mangled bike. ¡°Everybody crashes, brother. Everybody. You can walk away, so it¡¯s all good.¡± His taciturn brother rumbled quietly. ¡°Gonna need the forge, gotta have a new spring and shackles, these are toast.¡± ¡°Aww¡­ Are you sure?¡± Rio pawed at his face in agitation and groaned. ¡°Toast.¡± The big lad rumbled. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go help with the butchery; Frank¡¯s out of his depth.¡± He stood from the wreckage and wiped his hands on a clump of grass. ¡°Wait, I¡¯ll handle the entrails¡­¡± ¡°Tough break bro¡­¡± Amy sighed. ¡°I¡¯d ride double with you, but my bike won¡¯t hold you, never mind both of us.¡± ¡°This is gonna suck ass.¡± The lanky boy grumbled. # The wide meadow lay at the bottom of a short, wooded trail and a bare stone slope; it overlooked a narrow valley of sheer cliff walls, with a thickly forested floor. Birds and bats darted from caves as the first hint of evening shadows encroached on the sunshine. ¡°This¡¯ll make a nice camp for tomorrow night¡­ What¡¯s for tea?¡± Rio demanded tiredly, when they finished packing the monster jackalope¡¯s remains away in Wilf¡¯s shadow. The others all looked to the big lad expectantly, while he started pulling stuff out of his storage gift. Unlike Amy¡¯s storage ability, Wilf¡¯s held any object placed into his shadow in perfect stasis, so hot food came out hot, even weeks or months after he¡¯d tucked it away; meat remained fresh, beverages were always as cold or hot as when they went in and nothing ever got smushed. ¡°Meatball sandwiches and coleslaw, potato salad and miso soup.¡± He grunted, as wicker baskets began to appear from behind his body. Like Amy, he couldn¡¯t pull things out of his storage gift if anyone was looking directly at the action; he had to use sleight of hand and misdirection to access his gift, even among his siblings¡­ Only their papa could gaze into the rift between time, space and reality that their extradimensional gifts reached through. Capacity was Wilf¡¯s real problem; he could stow only about his body weight, or roughly two hundred and thirty pounds of gear and supplies in his gift¡­ and he could only fit in objects that were less than a quarter his own mass. Larger quantities of material had to slip deeper into his shadow, winding up in his metaphysical basement storage, where it would be inaccessible until retrieved from there¡­ at home, in physical reality. Only enchanted objects he¡¯d crafted himself or personally participated in creating, like the team¡¯s armor and weapons could edge around those rules. The freshly butchered hide and quarters of the late dire jackalope would be waiting for them when next they took down and re-built their home; in this very meadow, if everything went to plan. The monster¡¯s two intact hearts were neatly packed in Wilf¡¯s personal storage¡­ He¡¯d skewered one of the three magically imbued organs straight through with his lance, spoiling it for any arcane purpose. Otho the dog would enjoy the remnant magic in the battered, lumpy mass of gristle and muscle, while Wilf had big plans for the remaining two. ¡°What¡¯s our spare bike situation?¡± Rio asked grimly, once their break was over and the remnants cleared away. He was looking back up the trail, when he asked; eyeing that steep ascent that was right before them, but thinking about that long, fast, thrilling descent back to base camp. ¡°You think I carry a whole spare bike, bro? Nope.¡± Wilf muttered. ¡°Gonna be a long walk back, you¡¯re too big to ride double with anyone¡­ unless¡­¡± He smiled with a sweet gleam of childlike innocence in his eyes. ¡°Wanna try the chariot?¡± ¡°God¡¯s no!¡± Rio muttered crossly. ¡°Not unless I¡¯m riding the bike and you are in the bloody trailer!¡± ¡°Come on¡­ It¡¯ll be fine¡­¡± The look of childish hope on Wilf¡¯s face had become something darker and more sinister, as his lanky brother backed away from Wilford Brimley Ward, a known thrill junkie, craftsman and tinkerer of ill repute. ¡°No chance¡­¡± Ro griped at his brother. ¡°I already saw my life flash before my eyes once today!¡± ¡°Cool, so you can have another look at where you hesitated on that drop.¡± Amy chimed in helpfully, while Frankie was already assembling the ¡®chariot¡¯. As team healer, Frank carried an enchanted storage ring, custom enspelled to contain his medical kit, emergency supplies and his current project. The kids called it ¡®the chariot¡¯ because their father had created the handy device and had, of course, named it. Drawn in bold print, limned in bronze leaf and subtle highlights, the name was emblazoned across the sides and rear of the thing: Folding Artisanal Reconfigurable Trundlebug, or F.A.R.T¡­ Because their father was a huge goofball. # Dannyl, Larksong and Maya slipped back in an hour and a half before sundown, dusty, sweaty and exhausted. ¡°We scouted up the south fork¡­ It¡¯s a dungeon entrance for sure.¡± The handsome ginger explorer sighed, as he sank into the bath. ¡°The signs are unmistakable; it¡¯s probably been growing for a year or more, perhaps longer. I might have missed it when I passed through.¡± ¡°Any clues what¡¯s inside, what the environment is like?¡± Duke Julius asked eagerly. ¡°We¡¯re seeing cave critters, so it¡¯s at least partially underground, no sign of undead yet, nor anything¡­ eldritch.¡± He scrubbed his face with a damp flannel and sank down lower in the bath. ¡°Could be anything. We might need a delve team.¡± ¡°Count Liam still has a contract with the Fist, a free Adventure band of good reputation.¡± Rolf murmured happily. ¡°I could use a bit of exercise as well. We can expect some interesting times before this midsummer feast is done with.¡± # ¡°Sorry, bro¡­¡± Wilf said through a smile that said he was not even a little sorry. The ¡®chariot¡¯ was well sprung and smoothed out all the bumps and jolts as much as anyone could hope; it was intended to carry the infirm or injured out of inaccessible places. That assumed that the person pushing, or in this case, towing the device was not a lunatic. Rio was in a reclined, seated position directly over two spoked steel wheels, in a sturdy little compartment of hardwood laminate. It had a low roof, low sides and plenty of open ¡®windows¡¯ for him to watch the scenery flash by¡­ at terrifying speed. Flying down the mountain feet first behind his mad brother was more frightening than¡­ ¡°Gods Wilf! Slow down!¡± He shrieked in a very dignified and not at all shrill tone, as they cut a sharp turn that popped him up on one wheel for a brief, heart stopping moment. When they finally stopped at the gates of home, the lanky, dark skinned young man looked ashen¡­ and a hundred years old. ¡°Never again¡­ I¡¯ll walk back next time.¡± He gasped, as he tumbled out of the little cart and onto the lawn like a bag of loose human parts. # Ch: 33 Sky Rockets In Flight… Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 33 Sky Rockets In Flight¡­ ¡°You scouted the other side without us? That¡¯s pretty messed up. No jackalope fricassee for you guys¡­¡± Amy grumbled at Dannyl and Maya in the bath, once they had finished reporting in and stowing the bikes and gear. The sun was just turning everything golden, bathing their little mountainside home in glory for a few long, breathless minutes. From the edge of the bath, one could look over the rim of the world, far to the west and almost glimpse the Shallow Sea and the hazy outline of distant Port Clement, low on the horizon. ¡°The others will be out in a minute, Frankie¡¯s buttering Rio¡¯s buns for him right now.¡± Wilf sighed as he joined the pool. ¡°I told him to leave that fender on¡­ maybe I¡¯ll put a cargo rack on his; that¡¯ll keep his butt off the wheel.¡± The big man mused as the swirling water soothed his bruises and tired muscles. ¡°Rio took a bad bounce; the poor boy caught his rear wheel, right up box canyon¡­¡± The high priestess gleefully explained to the gathered family. ¡°Shush Kermie, that really hurts, even with armored pants.¡± Becky giggled and scolded her husband when he barked with laughter at the mental image. ¡°Yeah, I screwed up and had to pay the price; riding in that death trap behind the mad bomber here.¡± Rio gasped a little, when his backside slipped into the water. ¡°Even if my bike had come out in one piece, I couldn¡¯t have ridden back anyway. It would be like straddling a hot stove down the mountain.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t give Wilf any ideas¡­¡± Frankie complained as he joined the party at last, sliding over beside Maya. ¡°I thought you were both going to wind up scattered over the hillside.¡± ¡°You¡¯d rather I fell asleep from pure boredom and took us off a cliff? No thanks.¡± The big man offered, through a smile of pure happiness. ¡°We gotta fire up the forge tonight, let¡¯s get to the real fun¡­¡± The three Ward kids trooped off to the workshop, once bathed and dressed in sturdy, knockabout clothes. Stained with paint, grease, oil, glue and varnish, along with who knows what else, they vanished through the door in the common room. When the latch clicked closed, a sign appeared from¡­ somewhere. It read: Private, do not disturb. A few scant minutes later, a strange sensation began creeping through the door¡­ or perhaps through the floor. A complex, pulsing rhythm could be felt, more than heard. Nearly inaudible, somehow it thrummed through the house, sending ripples across the bath. ¡°Uh, oh¡­¡± Kermal muttered grimly. ¡°Come on everybody¡­ let¡¯s migrate to the garden and the other houses for a while¡­¡± With patient firmness, he and Becky gently shooed the guests away from the main house and it¡¯s strange, subtle vibrations. Frankie, Benny and Maya were already taking their ease under a dewapple tree in the yard, as night closed in. They called the three captains and the off duty imperials over under their tree, with friendly waves and welcoming smiles. ¡°You don¡¯t wanna be in their house right now¡­ We¡¯ll hang out for a couple hours, then it should be fine.¡± Frankie announced loudly, for all the guests¡¯ benefit. ¡°Sorry for the inconvenience.¡± True to their word, an hour and a half or so later, the thundering, subsonic¡­ vibe died away; leaving only a thrumming, tingling energy in its place. ¡°All right, that¡¯s bedtime for us¡­ We start up the trail at second bell, so rest up tonight, or regret it tomorrow.¡± Becky sang happily, as she and her husband vanished into the main house, seeking their bed. # Two glittering, darting shapes flashed through the trees and bushes, as swift and tiny as hummingbirds and accompanied by joyous laughter. ¡°Tag, you¡¯re it!¡± Kree shouted in her high, tinkling voice, as Mariah spun out of control into a blueberry bush. A moment later a streaking, sparking comet flashed out of the shrub, hurtling for the still giggling sugar wasp familiar. The wildfire plum dryad caught her older sister around the middle and tackled the tiny, winged, chitin armored humanoid girl onto the mossy lawn amid peals of fae, childish laughter that shook the trees. Together they flopped back on the mossy stream bank and watched the moons slowly rise from among the trees for a while, in companionable silence. ¡°It¡¯s exciting, seeing all these new things with you¡­¡± Mariah whispered. ¡°I¡¯m worried about what comes next though.¡± ¡°That¡¯s mortal thinking, little sister. You¡¯ll outgrow that before long, once your roots have really dug in deep. Soon, my dear, so very soon.¡± Willow murmured gently, as she pulled herself into the world, through the moonshadow cast by a nearby diamond willow. ¡°Now have no fear, that too is for mortals¡­ mostly.¡± ¡°You mean Gary¡­¡± Mariah whispered softly. ¡°He¡¯s scary and weird.¡± ¡°Something as damaged as he is can be distressing to look at and sense. The truth of it is, the things you feel are coming from inside you. We, as immortals are generally indifferent to the travails and suffering of mortals in general. Their lives flit by so swiftly and they are so numerous, scattered across so much of the universe¡­¡± She sighed breezily at the newborn dryad and smiled fondly. ¡°You have a more developed sense of empathy for mortals than most of our sisters. You see the marks of what has been done to him and recoil, because you can empathize and truly comprehend how damaged and incomplete he remains..¡± Kree giggled at the elder dryad and rolled over to catch Mariah up in a hug. ¡°I know he¡¯s a little¡­ ¡®scary and weird¡¯ but he¡¯s getting better.¡± ¡°Now, my little ones¡­ What are you darlings doing out after dark¡­ hm?¡± Willow asked gently. ¡°You should be preparing to rest.¡± ¡°The grownups are all being boring. It¡¯s all monster this, dungeon that¡­¡± Mariah sulked and grumbled her complaints while dancing swift, sparkling pirouettes on the garden path. ¡°Monsters and beasts are their stock in trade, darling. No one is going to expect you to go into the family business.¡± Kree soothed her agitated and fussy sister. ¡°They will all be back to telling you how pretty you are soon.¡± The tiny girl with insect wings stuck her tongue out at her sister and giggled, before darting skyward like a tiny, glittering firework. ¡°Duhh, cause I¡¯m the prettiest!¡± She piped merrily as her sparkling trail of shining, detonating sparks followed her into the sky, where she burst in an explosion of rainbow flame, glittering sparks and smoke. The glowing ember that was Mariah drifted down slowly and landed with a quiet hiss on the mossy stream bank near the baths, right where she had lifted off. ¡°Ok, now we can go inside¡­¡± She murmured tiredly to her very much older sister, as Willow gathered the tiny form in her cleverly jointed, puppet hands and held her close to her wooden breast. # ¡°I¡¯d heard mention of ¡®dungeons¡¯ from the veterans every once in a while, but I kinda had other irons in the fire at the time. What are we talking about?¡± Gary softly asked from his favorite seat by the fire, with his wife curled up in his arms, pretending to nod off into dreamland. ¡°They are never really ¡®dungeons¡¯ per se¡­ I¡¯m not sure why we even call them that. Basically, they are places where the etheric veil has worn thin, typically due to natural forces¡­ or in very rare instances, as a result of mortal occult meddling.¡± Liam explained carefully and quietly. ¡°Once they were very rare, appearing in untraveled places far from human lands. However, over the last decade they have become slightly more common. No one is certain what caused the shift in the etheric veil that brought these conditions about¡­¡± He fixed the musician with a jaundiced eye and gave him a mild glare of annoyance. ¡°Just as no one knows what caused the disappearance of three major gods from the pantheon. I was really hoping to get some answers to that mystery¡­ Gary.¡± He paused there for a good long while, long enough to make it obvious that he was waiting for his friend and brother to finally open up and explain. The fool sat there smiling blandly and waiting for the young lord to continue, idly fingering his latest creation; a long, slender flute of some kind of ivory colored bone mounted with bronze fittings and keys. ¡°So what happens in dungeons? I¡¯m assuming monsters?¡± He finally asked, when the tension drew out too long and became brittle. The mad musician¡¯s simple, almost idiotic smile of bland incuriosity almost convinced the young warrior count to give up, until his golden wife nudged him with an elbow, jostling the lord of county Kinnis to resume his thinly disguised interrogation. ¡°Yes, monsters¡­ lots of them. Almost any kind of creature can appear inside the phenomenon, often in close proximity to one another and frequently possessing humanoid forms. Goblins clans are one of the most common results of an unmanaged dungeon.¡± If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°Intelligent, humanoid monsters?¡± He asked, much more keenly interested, as Shai stirred and sat up in his arms. ¡°Yes, in the wilds, non sentient monsters are the rule, but in a dungeon things are less straightforward.¡± The count murmured. ¡°Dungeon monsters are still normal beasts that have been possessed or infested by a fractional soul from outside our reality, but they are much more complete creatures and so are often far more dangerous.¡± ¡°So the goblins the kids encountered came from this new dungeon?¡± He asked while trying to hide the feral, hungry look in his eyes. ¡°Unlikely. A goblin warband could escape from an unattended dungeon mouth, but with the monsters battling outside, I doubt it.¡± Liam answered confidently. ¡°If intelligent monsters started escaping from there, they would most likely attack Mudwallow Bridge or here first. Best we stay alert for more trouble from wherever those wretches emerged.¡± ¡°So Ye do think there¡¯s something else going on out there as well?¡± Shai asked, surrendering her feeble pretense at sleeping. ¡°It could be that there is another out in the wilds. That¡¯s what makes goblins and such the true danger of an unattended dungeon mouth; since they can use weapons and often organize themselves, rather than savaging each other or devouring everything they encounter. Occasionally, inside the radius of the ¡®dungeon¡¯ they can actually congregate, or even cooperate and develop into real threats.¡± ¡°What are you gonna do about the kaiju battle the kids reported?¡± Gary asked, as Shai snuggled back in. ¡°We¡¯d hoped to get some assistance from you on that matter¡­¡± Liam muttered unhappily. ¡°We have few answers for what they described.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have much that would work either. I¡¯ve played around with some experimental ballista bolts, but¡­¡± He shrugged and shook his shaggy head. ¡°No ballista and I don¡¯t have anything ready if I had one, or could get it there¡­¡± ¡°What about something like the lightning arrow that got the kids in so much trouble?¡± Tawny asked cagily. ¡°Thunderstruck? Nope, that was something I made before¡­¡± He mumbled, sounding unhappy, as he paused for a long moment of contemplation. ¡°The kids got in trouble for chasing something dangerous on their own and for sneaking around. That crossbow bolt was always theirs, just like everything else I make.¡± His gaze sharpened as he paused again. ¡°Theirs¡­ I have no weapons for sale. Even for you.¡± ¡°Aye, an what if I ask, lad of mine?¡± Shai mumbled from under his arm. ¡°Ye are still holding yer old grudges even wi Liam an Tawny? Tis ill done, boy.¡± ¡°Aww¡­ babe. Don¡¯t put me on the spot like that. The pantheon and the council of dukes; they can get fu¡­¡± Iron hard fingers reached up and gripped his earlobe gently and gave a slight tug, just a warning shot over his metaphorical bow. ¡°...they don¡¯t get to ask me for anything any more.¡± He finished coldly. ¡°I understand your¡­ reluctance¡­¡± The young lord began, doing his best to be diplomatic. ¡°Uh, huh¡­ Something tells me that a dungeon is as much an opportunity as a threat. You seem excited and eager, rather than concerned.¡± The big musician grumbled. ¡°You have the same look in your eye that Shai gets when we talk about silver and gold prospecting.¡± ¡°There are certain economic advantages to having a dungeon in the domain¡­¡± Liam tried to hide his smile, but it was hopeless, it snuck out around his frown of sober lordliness and made tiny lines crinkle around his eyes. ¡°Monsters frae dungeons do love shiny things¡­ and do often have gems and precious metals.¡± Shai mumbled. ¡°Rarely, even objects of power do appear, created wi random magics and strange manifestations.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ magical items¡­ like random loot?¡± He asked quietly, peering around the busy common room. ¡°I thought you guys didn¡¯t go for magical items¡­ people always act like I¡¯m pulling their leg whenever I show my wares.¡± ¡°Truly magical objects are vanishingly rare. When found they are nearly always snapped up by a collector or magical research society. Even objects of dubious utility are highly prized and terribly valuable.¡± Tawny answered smoothly. ¡°Amicus has a collection of interesting trinkets, as does my grandfather, lord Timothy Belen of Herndon town. His most prized object is a small crystal that throws rainbows of frightening, darkly luminous shadow around the room when placed over a candle flame.¡± She muttered, while selecting a cookie from the tea table. ¡°It¡¯s quite a hit at a certain type of party.¡± ¡°Ok, that sounds super sketchy and idiotic¡­ so that¡¯s about right for rich people.¡± Gary grumbled sourly. ¡°So why does everyone act like I¡¯m either lying or crazy the first time they see my stuff?¡± ¡°Two bit hustlers and crooks are forever trying to sell fake magical objects to rubes. The kind of things that sell as novelties in wealthy towns can be peddled to the gullible by the unscrupulous.¡± Tawny answered pleasantly. ¡°Many mages experiment with enchanting. A few even make a living for themselves creating short lived, very fragile trinkets and oddities. Sparklewands are popular with noble children for the feast of Light.¡± She sighed at some remembered frolic and continued. ¡°They scatter short-lived, illusory sparks when waved in the moonlight¡­ Much like that, in fact.¡± She murmured happily, watching a spark of glittering flame launch from the garden and explode silently in the night sky, outside the window. A few moments later Willow joined the group beside the small, merrily blazing tree on the hearth. She passed the sleepy, infant dryad to Gary, so that he could place Mariah into her blazing branches¡­ with a set of bronze fireplace tongs. The tiny insect girl snuggled into a warm crook of her own branches and slipped off to dreamland with a soft, squeaky snore. ¡°Mmm, that¡¯s a good idea.¡± Kree mumbled sleepily as she nestled in behind Gary¡¯s ear, lost in Shai¡¯s short, coppery hair while the smith woman made herself comfy as well. ¡°Ok, bedtime.¡± Gary began gathering his wife up and heading upstairs, with Shai draped across his shoulders, blissfully making him do most of her walking. He closed the door on his busy common room and started undressing his wife, while she lounged around and smiled at him innocently. ¡°Aye? Yer birth day be coming up, but tis nae yet, lad.¡± She teased him as her clothes vanished away into his storage gift, one layer at a time. She squeaked in mock dismay and burrowed under the covers as her underthings vanished away and his own cheeky grin got wider. ¡°Oh, no! You won¡¯t get away that easily!¡± He growled as he leapt into the bedding, in pursuit of the pale round bottom he¡¯d glimpsed as she dove under. Downstairs, behind the pianoforte a buttery yellow guitar hanging on the wall of musical instruments began to chime and wail, singing the chords of a song from another time and another world. Ah Ha¡¯s ¡®Take On Me¡¯ was a big hit¡­ from before he¡¯d been born and unknowably far from his new home, but it really was a great track. Barry, Harry, Larry and Perry smiled knowingly and shook their heads as one, when the music began. Together they took the stage and played along, cause that was really the only answer. # He woke when someone shook him roughly. ¡°Gary, wake up bro¡­ you can¡¯t be here!¡± A familiar voice said in his ear, not quietly. ¡°Ghaaa!¡± He gasped and sat up, swatting at the blurry outline of his kinda-sorta brother, Ward. ¡°Dude! What¡¯re you doing in my room? Boundaries!¡± He gasped and gabbled, while looking for his wife, who should have been tangled up with him in the bedding. She wasn¡¯t. It was also not his bedroom¡­ not any longer. Somehow, he¡¯d awakened in his old forest fantasy bedroom, complete with moss carpet, smooth stepping stones, fungus furniture and naturalistic sky mural with the sun and moons chasing themselves across his ceiling every night. Illusory fireflies sparkled all around as the sounds of a peaceful forest night cooed and whispered all around; it was almost perfect¡­ and utterly impossible to create since his ¡®return¡¯ from beyond. ¡°How? I can¡¯t summon this anymore¡­? Why is it so damn hot in here?¡± He gasped, as he began sweating from his¡­ everywhere. From all around, a terrible sensation of pressure and wrongness crushed in on his body, as if he were being squeezed in a massive fist. ¡°You can¡¯t be here, Gary...not yet. Let yourself get pushed back into natural sleep.¡± Ward¡¯s shimmering and indistinct form murmured from an ever increasing distance. After a few endless minutes of falling through nothing forever, he landed back in his body with an almost audible splash that shook his reality and made the whole house tremble and jiggle a little. ¡°Ugh¡­¡± His soft, involuntary groan of nausea didn¡¯t wake Shai, as he rose and staggered for the toilet, clutching his insides desperately. He managed to slide the bathroom door closed before waves of coughing, gagging and nausea overwhelmed him. # Breakfast, That was more than enough to concentrate on in the predawn hours. The musician brewed the coffee, started a kettle of porridge and knocked together a few dozen carrot, oat and apple muffins, while the rest of the house slept on. A half hour after dawn, Liam and Tawny were back; slipping into their familiar places with smiles and hugs all around. ¡°Gods, Gary, you look like shit¡­¡± The count muttered when they were alone in the kitchen for a moment. ¡°Yeah, slept poorly, had weird dreams.¡± He grunted, when pressed on the matter. ¡°Tawny didn¡¯t want to ask me herself?¡± ¡°She¡¯s concerned for you, but you are still a heretic in her goddess¡¯ eyes. She isn¡¯t allowed to render you any aid or comfort.¡± His brother mumbled awkwardly. ¡°Please don¡¯t make things more difficult for her.¡± ¡°Meh, Healer¡¯s power can barely touch me anyway¡­ It¡¯s not like she could help, even if her divine boss wasn¡¯t throwing a tantrum.¡± He sighed, and sank down into his seat, as the kids thundered down from their rooms upstairs. ¡°If she really wants to know, she needs to ask me herself. I¡¯m sick of the pantheon sticking their divine noses where they don¡¯t belong.¡± The two brothers watched as their mad, extended family rampaged through a staggering quantity of victuals. Perry and Shai poured gallons of buttermilk pancake batter across the griddle, while Harry and Larry wielded spatulas with martial precision, flicking stack after stack to Barry, who doled them out from the pass through to a crowd of hungry Adventurers and orphans. Wallowbear sausage and bacon, groundworm kebabs and a mountain of muffins washed over the busy inn, stuffed to the doors with early rising patrons. Coins jingled merrily into the barrel by the door, as the informal restaurant fed its clientele of warriors, woodsmen, explorers and guards. The count and his mad brother chatted by the fire, as the chaos roiled around them, a small island of quiet amid the clatter of plates and cutlery. ¡°We were talking about dungeons last night, that got me wondering¡­ What about exotic monster materials?¡± He asked, in an obvious attempt to steer the conversation away from his condition. ¡°You guys mentioned precious metals and gems, along with magical loot¡­¡± He pressed, when Liam looked confused. ¡°Like, monster meat and such?¡± The young warrior count asked, with a puzzled look on his face. ¡°I suppose so¡­ no one really buys or sells that stuff¡­¡± He shrugged hopelessly. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­ so you just¡­ What? Trash it all?¡± Gary asked, his face even more ashen and pinched than a few minutes before, which was pretty impressive. ¡°Monster meat and leather is¡­ stigmatized.¡± Liam explained gently to his mad brother from another world. ¡°It¡¯s not taboo¡­ but no one wants it. Only the poorest of the poor, orphans and the truly destitute will eat monster flesh or wear their skins. That¡¯s why your inn is so deeply unpopular.¡± The mad musician gazed over his bustling common room and cocked an eyebrow at his oldest friend. ¡°Feels busy.¡± ¡°Look around, these are all woodsmen, foresters and Adventurers, whether active or retired. No merchants, no shopkeepers or tradesmen will set foot here.¡± Liam explained patiently, to his increasingly agitated friend. ¡°None of the local notables, the town¡¯s quali¡­¡± He halted himself, as Gary¡¯s gaze became a little sharper. ¡°I¡¯m saying only workmen, foresters and Adventurers come here¡­ they don¡¯t even bring their wives.¡± ¡°You eat monster all the time, so does Tawny¡­ Julius does too.¡± The big man grumbled. ¡°Wheatford and Herndon are different from most towns, Gary. There are so many retired adventurers living in and around the duchy¡­¡± He shrugged helplessly. ¡°In the wider world, no one willingly eats trashworm or monster bugs. It¡¯s a silly prejudice and we all know it, but it¡¯s firmly held. Even those of us who do indulge in¡­ exotic cuisine, would rather not be known as monster meat enjoyers.¡± ¡°I¡¯m an orphan and an Adventurer¡­ kinda.¡± He answered crisply. ¡°I serve groundworm and deathshead locust in my home. If ¡®The Quality People¡¯ don¡¯t find that to be in good taste, they can go to another inn.¡± ¡°Gary, you know I didn¡¯t mean¡­¡± Liam stammered in sudden embarrassment. He drew a hankie from his cuff and dabbed his reddening, handsomely chiseled cheeks. ¡°I¡¯m not becoming some lace swaddled jackass¡­¡± Too late he saw his friend looking with unconcealed amusement at the delicate lace doily the young lord was dabbing his face with. ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± He smirked and grinned at the young lord from behind his smoldering pipe, enjoying himself just a little bit. ¡°I haven¡¯t gone monster smashing in a few years, bro¡­¡± The mad musician cocked an eyebrow at his friend and winked. ¡°I¡¯ve been dead¡­ What¡¯s your excuse?¡± The handsome count smiled sadly at that, releasing a quiet sigh through his lips. ¡°Do you miss it?¡± He asked quietly, amidst the noise and bustle of the busy house. ¡°I certainly do, brother.¡± ¡°Adventuring? Gods yes!¡± Gary answered sharply. ¡°Wandering the roads, hunting monsters and especially¡­¡± He grinned; the old mad, crooked smile Liam remembered from so long ago. ¡°I particularly miss sticking my thumb in the eye of the kind of entitled pricks who look down on us for being orphans or talk about ¡®the quality people¡¯ with a straight face.¡± ¡°Hey¡­¡± Liam protested weakly. ¡°Bring me your gear brother, it¡¯s time you were back out in the mountains¡­ I can¡¯t help out there anymore, but I can get your armor fitted and hone your weapons¡­ I see it in your eyes, you want it; a taste of the old days.¡± The mad witch of Wheatford sighed and smiled at his friend. ¡°That much I can still manage.¡± ¡°Tawny says there is some reason to hope, holy Dana has hinted that she might release her divine stricture¡­¡± The handsome lord offered. ¡°I killed her abusive boyfriend and a bunch of her relatives¡­¡± Gary grumbled under his breath and shot a sour glare skyward. ¡°What was that?¡± Liam asked. ¡°It¡¯s noisy here.¡± ¡°I said, ¡®I won¡¯t hold my breath waiting for her¡¯.¡± His glib, mercurial and deeply weird brother announced, through another of those mad, crooked grins. # Ch: 34 Afternoon Delight Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 34 Afternoon Delight ¡°I suppose the carriages will be here when we return¡­¡± Duchess Emma sighed, as the houses and coaches dwindled behind the departing riders. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t worry about that¡­¡± Sir Rolf called merrily to the lady of Shiraz. ¡°We will no doubt find them awaiting us when we rejoin the main road.¡± The handsome blonde lord smiled radiantly from atop his unicorn mount, with his still sleepy wife in his lap, wrapped in a cozy blanket. ¡°We live in a freaking world of magic and wonders.¡± He declared, obviously imitating some person. He put on a vaguely singsong and lyric accent as he said the oft repeated line, still grinning like a complete jackass. Watching the young Adventurers grind their way up the mountain, spinning their gears among and between the more conventionally mounted party gave Elaine and Bethaney a little more appreciation for their patient, plodding horsies. The long, steady ascent took most of the day, swaying atop the hairy, sweaty beasts. Trees and brush closed in, once they crossed the first mountain pass and dipped down among the sheltering peaks. Dense pine and hemlock surrounded the group, towering over them to create a dreamlike realm of moss and foliage. Birdsong and small life returned, now that they were far from the bug battle that no doubt continued in the other narrow valley. Cut brush piled beside the trail and recently filled ruts and holes showed the kids¡¯ work from the previous day, clearing the way for the rest of them to pass with ease. Their road curved out onto a steep, grassy hillside, then vanished downward at the next curve. All of the Ragamuffins were sweating and exhausted when they finally looked down a steep descent into a wide meadow, where the crumbling mining trail met the main road. ¡°Go on Rio¡­ You got this¡­ Just send it, bro.¡± Amy whispered, when her team formed up on the edge. Wilf nodded in agreement and pointed at the slope. Rio looked down that slowly curving, rutted and stoney mining track; where it spilled onto the granite slab and that dropoff. ¡°Pick your line, stay loose and just commit.¡± Wilf whispered in his brother¡¯s ear. ¡°And keep your ass off the wheel!¡± He shouted, once his older brother was hurtling down the trail. The big, blonde Adventurer lad smiled at the gathered company, dipped his front wheel over the edge and vanished in a soft, clicking whirr of machinery. One by one, the bike mounted Adventurers disappeared down the slope, only to whip back into view and vanish farther down below. A few breathless minutes later the boy re-appeared; down where the road crumbled away onto that long, steep, rubble strewn slab. Rio squatted on his pedals, clinging to his bars with his bottom dangling over that spinning buzzsaw as he flashed down the trail. His bike lurched, swayed, bucked and surged below his backside, while he seemed to fly over the uneven track at speeds that were terrifying to the onlookers. He blasted onto that slick granite outcropping, picking up even more speed, before launching into the meadow as if shot from a catapult. ¡°Wilf! I hate yooooou!¡± The green armored figure wailed, as he flew an improbable distance; before touching down in a billowing spray of turf, churned soil and dust. A shaved second later, the young man shot out of the tall grass; arrow swift but still mounted on his machine and apparently in control. He carved a long, half moon furrow in the soil, as he ground to a stop, just in time for the others to duplicate his improbable feat. ¡°The kids cut a trail suitable for horses, down at the landslip. We shan¡¯t be breaking our mount¡¯s legs today.¡± Sir Rolf announced to the mystified party of horse riders, with his amused and giggling wife in his lap, atop his fine, prancing steed of silvery white¡­ She was looking very comfy... ¡°I bet her ass doesn¡¯t hurt¡­¡± Bethany murmured a little jealousy in her voice. ¡°I doubt lady Angie will be willing to give you a turn on her husband¡¯s lap.¡± Hermione giggled quietly to her comrade, with a saucy wink. Music began drifting up from that distant clearing, as the party began their far less adventurous descent to the wide meadow. # ¡°Even Adventurers have uneventful days¡­¡± Amy sighed blissfully, as she eased into the bath with the empress, the ladies of the party and the three imperial captains. An early halt for the night enlivened everyone¡¯s spirits, cheering the whole crew, horsies included. They were all clean, rested, stuffed with braised monster jackalope and feeling fine¡­ mostly. ¡°So, that was monster meat? Really?¡± Gabbie asked with a wide smile on her dark, beautifully angular features. ¡°I so enjoyed the meals on my last visit¡­¡± She murmured softly. ¡°Yeah, we grew up eating the critters we hunt; never even thought about it.¡± Amy shrugged at the small gathering of ladies in the steamy private pool. ¡°It was a real surprise when we started traveling with auntie Ranza¡­ I think it¡¯s weird that most of you normies refuse to try it.¡± She glanced over at the captains and grinned. ¡°You ladies seemed to enjoy it without reservation.¡± Hermione nodded and dipped a slight bow. ¡°We three were taken for slaves when we were very young¡­ Until we were liberated by your aunt Becky¡­ when she was Amy the pirate princess.¡± A small giggle escaped her lips, as the steam and bubbling hot spring dissolved a little more of her reserve. When the empress invites one into her bath, some informalities can be forgiven. ¡°She swept down like a summer storm at dawn, with that flashing sword¡­ We all assumed it was just another battle between pirates and slavers, until she and her comrades began striking off our chains.¡± The veteran had a dreamy look in her eyes, as remembrance carried her away. ¡°She was blindingly beautiful in the sunshine; that was when I decided to study the blade.¡± Elaine whispered. ¡°Her radiance¡¯s orphanage took us in and even kept us together¡­ I never would have made it without my sisters.¡± She bumped Bethany and Hermione with a friendly nudge of her smooth, olive skinned shoulders. ¡°When her radiance proposed this scheme to us, we thought the idea too strange and mad to be true.¡± Bethany murmured softly, with a deep, grateful bow to Gabbie; Who was lounging by the waterfall, pretending she wasn¡¯t listening. ¡°We see the wisdom of her radiance¡¯s ploy now.¡± Amy smirked at the three captains and giggled with pure, wicked delight. ¡°It wasn¡¯t mad and strange enough to deter you, it seems.¡± She gave a huge stretch and yawn to her new friends, kissed the empress¡¯ cheek and climbed out of the bath; drawing a brilliantly colored floral silk robe around herself from nowhere. ¡°We should be back on the main road tomorrow afternoon. Rest up, we¡¯ll be making up time tomorrow.¡± # At dawn, an outrageously blue sky erupted with birdsong, drawing even the sleepiest of travelers from their beds. Most eyes were drawn to the rugged, snow capped mountains, expansive forests and the huge, glittering lake of Foresthome, the seat of county Kinnis. The ¡®city¡¯ was still invisible to the unaided eye, lost in the distance¡­ not that it was a small town, among tall mountains¡­ certainly not. The long, off white ribbon of the ancient road led down the mountain in numerous sweeping turns, following the terrain in an undulating, gentle slope. The road vanished and re-emerged often before vanishing among the tall trees of the valley floor, still peeking out occasionally on its journey to the city. Three familiar coaches sat on the roadside, when the noble folk emerged with their guardians and staff¡­ spurring many questions among the retainers. Those questions were met with silent, smug smiles from the kids, who refused to discuss how the feat had been managed. ¡°Stay with the group and maintain your spacing as we head out.¡± Sir Rolf called to the company, as they variously climbed into coaches or mounted saddles. ¡°Stay together, don¡¯t bunch up.¡± While the humans made noise and acted like they knew what they were doing, Ester was busy reviewing her little herd and preparing them for the day¡¯s labor. ¡°Mind your footing and keep an even gait. We don¡¯t want any runaways¡­ I¡¯m fond of some of these humans.¡± She told her team. ¡°The coachmen honestly think they know what¡¯s best and we don¡¯t want to hurt their feelings; so let me know if any of them get silly.¡± She nickered and snuffled gently to her coach teams. ¡°If you get in trouble, break your traces¡­ the coaches have something called ¡®Emergency brakes¡¯ and will stop themselves if we come uncoupled.¡± She whinnied. ¡°Safety first!¡± # At the edge of the meadow, the kids of Team Ragamuffin were lined up on the road, embroiled in some complication. ¡°So much downhill¡­¡± Wilf gasped hungrily. ¡°I¡¯m feeling it¡­¡± The big lad was visibly shaking on his saddle, as he furiously pedaled in reverse while holding his trackstand. ¡°Uh oh! Not good¡­ Check him please.¡± Amy whispered loudly to Frank, who was already off his bike and peering at the young craftsman¡¯s eyes, through his goggles of monster spider eye. ¡°It¡¯s bad, Ames¡­ worst case I¡¯ve seen.¡± The lanky alchemist announced to the concerned grownups, listening from the coaches. ¡°He¡¯s over stoked¡­¡± Frankie declared. ¡°We gotta let him send this. That¡¯s my medical opinion¡­¡± If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± Lady Angie asked coldly, from her warm seat in Rolf¡¯s arms. ¡°Is that so? I¡¯ve never heard of this condition before¡­¡± She had a twinkle in her eye, as she scolded the lad, giving him exactly what his silly ¡®diagnosis¡¯ called for; a bit of the business. ¡°Are you questioning my super serious, totally real diagnosis, Duchess Emma?¡± Rio deadpanned, wrestling his eager smile down with a masterful effort. ¡°As his team¡¯s medic, I¡¯ll have to follow directly after¡­ of course.¡± ¡°Yes¡­ and naturally we will accompany both of you on this vital, medically necessary downhill run.¡± Amy mused, stroking her chin the way Shai did, when she was winding someone up in a negotiation. The rest of the team was already in their saddles, awaiting the forgone conclusion. Dannyl wheeled his machine out and leaned it against a tree, while he fiddled with the rectangular case slung on his back. ¡°Oh! Wilf¡¯s overstoked, I see.¡± He announced with a radiant smile, as his living whip of enchanted bronze chain links writhed and squirmed on the road, tying itself into a complicated tangle. The man fitted his bizarre, tangled weapon into the empty space in his machine, twisting the mass of bronze links in with a solid sounding metallic clang. He smiled even more widely as a low, throaty rumble sounded from the machine he was straddling. His bronze weapon churned and whirled inside its place, roaring with animal eagerness, as though a living beast crouched there, wild, dangerous and desperate to run. ¡°We¡¯ll have to ride that out of him¡­ unless you want his adrenal gland to explode¡­ The full Gallagher.¡± The handsome explorer mimed the lad¡¯s skull exploding like a melon struck with a hammer. ¡°Messy business.¡± Emma giggled behind her palm and sat back in her seat, unable to maintain her part in the farce, so the high priestess had to step in, lest Wilf really explode¡­ the boy was looking volatile. ¡°Go on, you idiots.¡± Becky sighed from the leading carriage. ¡°They¡¯re your backsides. See you at the bottom.¡± ¡°So¡­ you aren¡¯t riding?¡± Kermal asked his very comfortable wife, who was balancing a cup of tea on her lap, in a plush coach. ¡°No, husband, I shan¡¯t be rattled to bits on this road today. I¡¯ve been riding for two days now¡­ and my own backside is quite pleased to take a break.¡± She smiled indulgently at him and nodded. ¡°Go play with your little friends.¡± That high and mighty pronouncement was still lingering in the carriage, when her husband appeared among the kids, straddling his own silent, motorless machine. Kermal barely joined the formation, before Wilf shouted: ¡°Dropping in!¡± and vanished down the slope in a soft whirr of gears. # Tawny and Liam cornered Gary in his workshop, while his hands were greasy and full of tiny, precisely machined bronze parts. She had no clue what he was doing, but anyone could tell he was trapped for at least a while. ¡°Gary, we¡¯ve known each other a long time and aside from my goddess¡¯ mysterious¡­ antipathy to you, we¡¯ve always been frank with each other¡­ as friends should.¡± She declared firmly, while looking him right in the eye. ¡°Don¡¯t blame me¡­¡± He grumbled unhappily. ¡°Your goddess is the one who is making this happen. You wouldn¡¯t even be able to ask if we weren¡¯t in my house, where she¡¯s unwelcome and can¡¯t see in.¡± With deft and practiced skill, he quickly reassembled his inscrutable device and slipped it into a drawer. ¡°I did wonder why that was so easy¡­¡± She fumed in beautiful, golden discontent. ¡°I have a complicated relationship with the pantheon¡­ I would rather they just left me alone, but a few of the gods and goddesses have a problem with me.¡± He grumbled while wiping his hands on a rag that vanished into a cloud of mist and shadow, once he was clean. ¡°Dana is the biggest problem, but a few others are all booty bothered as well.¡± ¡°About that¡­ Many scholars and theologians in the cult of Healer have been pondering the mystery of why the lady of light, love and healing is angry with you¡­ something that she should be incapable of, according to scripture.¡± The golden priestess murmured. ¡°I¡¯m a very special boy¡­¡± He sighed tiredly at his two friends. ¡°Where I came from, the guild of healers had the same problem. They decided that they were done with me, once I no longer had anything they wanted.¡± He shrugged and began cleaning his workbench. ¡°I¡¯m unsurprised that the same thing holds true here. The big difference is; back home, the healer¡¯s guild wanted to squeeze every coin they could from me, then tossed what was left aside.¡± ¡°Healer and her cult have no desire for your money, Gary.¡± Tawny answered coldly He leaned back on his stool and smiled bitterly. ¡°I don¡¯t have any money, nor do I need anything from her, she¡¯s just doing this for revenge.¡± ¡°Dana the lightbringer, goddess of healing does not engage in ¡®revenge¡¯... Certainly not on a mortal!¡± The priestess huffed in outrage at his heresy. ¡°Ok¡­ sure.¡± He agreed in the glib, false way he always did, usually, right before doing something mad. ¡°Ask her tonight¡­ ask her why she cursed me. I¡¯m under her geas so I can¡¯t tell you about it.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Stupid rules¡­ divine strictures and curses have a whole thing going on.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve always been so good with curses¡­¡± Liam whispered. ¡°Can¡¯t you and Becky¡­?¡± He waved his hands around, indicating ¡®mumbo jumbo¡¯, as he finished his unspoken question. ¡°Oh, yeah, I could totally break her curse; she sucks at this¡­ But the rest of the pantheon went along with it, as well as a few immortals from outside.¡± He sighed and shook his head in helpless fury, glaring up at the beams above them and beyond into the gulf. ¡°I did something that pissed off the gods¡­ I enraged them¡­ And I¡¯d do it again in a second, if need be.¡± ¡°What, Gary? What could you possibly have done to cause the goddess of healing to curse you so terribly?¡± She demanded, her voice sharp and ringing like a brass bell. ¡°I¡¯m not allowed to say.¡± He grunted at her, displaying a hint of the boiling anger hidden inside him. ¡°I can tell you that she¡¯s had a problem with me since I got here, because she has no control over me; she can¡¯t touch me directly and that pisses her off.¡± ¡°What does that even mean, Gary?¡± She demanded, her voice heated by steadily growing frustration. ¡°Control is what gods live for, it¡¯s why they exist. I¡¯m a living mortal, but I¡¯m also outside her sphere of influence. He grumbled. ¡°Healers on my world also loved their ability to make demands and command people, relishing the power they held over the people. Power, influence, the ability to command others and make them dance¡­ that¡¯s a potent draw for many people¡­ and gods.¡± ¡°That¡¯s interesting, coming from you; the man of my acquaintance who is most likely to ¡®make people dance¡¯ without warning.¡± Liam said with a smile for his wife and the musician. ¡°I can¡¯t do that anymore¡­ and my arts and gifts couldn¡¯t force anyone to do anything or cause any harm to the living.¡± The madman grumbled at his friend. ¡°Don¡¯t lump me in with the gods¡­ They¡¯re too frightened of me to try anything directly, but too angry to just let me be¡­ So we get this.¡± He waved his hands angrily up and down himself as he snarled his words. ¡°I¡¯m all gimped up inside, unable to use more than a trickle of my own power, while the world just moves on without me¡­ just like on my world.¡± He snarled in sudden fury. ¡°Your precious goddess and her friends can fuck right off.¡± ¡°Well, I doubt we will make any more progress today.¡± The priestess sniffed, as she rose to depart. ¡°I¡¯m not mad at you, Tawny¡­ just your goddess.¡± He grumbled at her stiff back, as she climbed the stairs, back into the sunlit world above. # Wilf and Dannyl were waiting a quarter mile before the first real climb of the morning, two miles of well graded road posed no real problems, but saving their energy for the downhills made more sense¡­ Or so they all agreed, through wide, dusty smiles and bug speckled goggles. The long, smooth road dipped and rose as it descended, sweeping around the valley¡¯s lush, rounded flanks and folds, assaulting the riders with breathtaking views and dramatic scenery. They rode mostly in silence, only excited, joyous whoops of delight, the rattle and chime of their bikes and whirring tires on the hard baked clay warned the local wildlife of what was coming their way. For the steep climbs, the Wards and Frankie tossed tow lines to their comrades without the mysterious ¡®motors¡¯ installed in their machines. The kids quickly coupled themselves together and climbed in silence, pedaling along as occult forces hauled the team up each rise. Unlike the kids¡¯ bikes, which only whirred, ticked and chimed softly as they rode; Dannyl¡¯s chain whip took the place of their motors, moving inside its own knotted form in eye watering and disturbing ways as it drove his bike on. The nightmarish weapon tapped its bond to his very soul, using that energy to roar and hurl him up the inclines. It fell silent for the descents, as he followed the fast flying kids down the mountain. They pulled up in an abandoned, stone walled field that hadn¡¯t felt a plow¡¯s bite in untold generations and began their afternoon preparations. The horses and coaches would be four hours making that descent, more or less¡­ so the kids started getting comfy. Dannyl joined in their rowdy performance of the theme from ¡®The A Team¡¯... Which seemed strangely fitting, even though none of them had a clue where the triumphant, over exuberant song came from. Once their home was established, taking over the field entirely; Dannyl mounted his bike again and grinned at the dusty, smiling kids¡¯ His little brothers and sisters were sprawled all over the lawn, while they struggled to work up enough energy to bathe. ¡°I¡¯m going to buzz to the city, I¡¯ll probably be back before they get here; if not, make my excuses, please.¡± He tipped his helmet at the kids and roared away on his machine, vanishing into the trees, rather than taking the road. ¡°Aww!¡± Wilf whined pitifully, staring at the narrow track, after the older man. ¡°Downhill is fun, but that goat trail¡­¡± ¡°Later, buddy¡­ we¡¯ll make sure to get some dirt track under you, I promise.¡± Amy assured him gently. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get cleaned up, then we¡¯ll patrol the area¡­ for security reasons.¡± She took the giant by the collar and ¡®dragged¡¯ her grinning, filthy boy off to the baths. He stumbled along behind her, as though the tiny girl were really overpowering her massive brother. The others were already soaking, when Wilf and Amy joined the pool, releasing a collective sigh of bliss a few seconds later. ¡°No grownups¡­¡± Maya whispered happily, from her usual spot, beside Frankie. ¡°Feels free.¡± One of her rare, radiant smiles escaped, enlivening the small, close knit family. ¡°Let¡¯s enjoy it, then¡­ who¡¯s up to explore the area while we wait?¡± Rio asked languidly. ¡°These woods are hardly traveled, even so close to town and right off the road.¡± ¡°Could be something fun out there.¡± Wilf agreed eagerly. ¡°Two teams of three; one team rides a circuit around the area, the other explores inside the perimeter and stays close.¡± The big craftsman spoke firmly, his voice seeming to be that of a much older man; authoritative, confident and calm. ¡°Amy and Benny, you¡¯re riding with me: Rio, Maya and Frank, explore and forage. Stay in contact, no shenanigans.¡± He addressed that last directly to Amy, who pretended to pout and sulk under his stern, unflinching regard. ¡°Anything weird or dangerous appears, we regroup here. No questions or delays.¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± Benny rumbled placidly. ¡°Snack¡¯s first, right?¡± ¡°What kind of operation do you think we¡¯re running here?¡± Wilf demanded with a big, eager grin on his face. # Maya¡¯s low, haunting flute accompanied the two foragers, as they wandered the woods. Their chosen prey was unlikely to flee the soft, eerie tones of her warding spell. Any beast or monster that fell within the radius of her song would feel the close presence of a large and dangerous predator and be encouraged to flee. A creature able to resist the full brunt of her spell would bounce back a subtle wave, returning a small measure of her magic as a warning. The two young men and their watchful, musical guardian strolled the woods, touching the local flora, fungus and minerals of the region, gathering information through their individual gifts. Rio¡¯s Interface gift gave him some information about objects that he touched directly, but any hint of a living animus would confound his power. Fungus, minerals and especially plants gave him tantalizing hints at a simple touch, allowing him to positively identify previously known substances and herbs. New samples required sniffing, examining, tasting and eventually ingesting samples before he could gain any meaningful information. The plant life in Foresthome was almost entirely similar to the wetter climes of Wheatford and the lower valley, with a few new things and some surprising additions. In the shady embrace of the old growth forest, signs of former habitation appeared with regularity. Tumbled stone foundations, overgrown with lush, velvety moss cropped up frequently as they rambled down long, surprisingly straight game trails... the overgrown remnants of what were once wide country lanes. Orchards left to run wild for untold generations yielded a bounty of fruits, herbs, fungus and berries, scattered among the grandchildren of the once orderly plantings. One particularly well preserved structure caught their eyes as they roamed around the ruin of an agricultural community long abandoned by man. At the foot of a shady little hillside, among the tall redwoods and hemlocks a simple, primitive spring house composed of river stones and a flourishing garden of the local ground cover still stood. Roofless, save for the canopy of willow boughs that stood above the low walls, it was a charming little oddity in the vacant woodlands. Rio approached and touched a patch of the growth, to satisfy his curiosity. Dewmoss: simple plant, marginally edible, low magic, astringent, mildly acidic. Over the centuries, whatever mortar, mud or chinking had been between the stones was no longer there, replaced by a dense, partially petrified network of clinging mossy growth. The structure remained almost intact¡­ crouching over a cold, bubbling spring in the dim shady forest. Dappled sunshine danced over the tiny, pearly white flowerlets scattered over the mossy structure, granting it a dreamlike grace and dignity it had lacked in its previous existence, as a long departed farmer¡¯s buttery and pantry. Building a snug little hut over a cold spring could help preserve foodstuffs and provisions, when magical preservation methods were out of reach. This was once a fine, if homespun example of the craft, seeming to be held together by pure chance and springy plant life. Rio carefully peeked into the long empty doorway and gasped with delight. ¡°Maya, Frank¡­ we have company!¡± # Lady Willow, immortal and divine dryad of the willow grove glared up at Rio from the small willow tree she was busily climbing out from under. ¡°Young man, It¡¯s polite to knock¡­ before entering a lady¡¯s boudoir.¡± Her scolding tone softened, once she was on her tiny, perfect wooden feet and fully present in the mortal world. She strode forward across the tumbled, moss slick stones of the half ruined spring house as if it were a polished dance floor and kissed the startled young man on the cheek. ¡°Now where is my godson? I can almost taste his presence.¡± She demanded archly. # Ch: 35 The Honeymoon’s Over Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 35 The Honeymoon¡¯s Over Amy, Wilf and Benny pedaled through the underbrush and weeds, bearing ever to the right as they worked through the tangled network of game trails and overgrown country roads. Rock walled pastures, run wild with centuries of untamed growth, broken monuments and tumbled ruins that were once farmhouses appeared with regularity, as they rode through human lands, largely reclaimed by nature. Their formation was loose, two at the front, clearing the trail in shifts and two following after, to take the lead and ride slowly on until another obstruction needed clearing. Benny sighed, when a thicket of lacethorn trees stretched their pretty boughs across the road. The trees stood tall and straight, with silvery trunks of superb hardwood, draped in a profusion of delicate, lacey, pointy leaves that shone like purest silver in the sun. A small stone bridge ran over a narrow, but swift stream, whose banks hosted a healthy growth of the magical, infuriating trees. They grew thickly all up and down the banks on both sides and through the bridge itself in spots, blocking the old pile of stones entirely. ¡°Aww, man¡­ No easy way around.¡± He tapped his silver earcuff, activating the ¡®comms¡¯ charm enchanted into them. ¡°I have a magical lumber problem here: I need an ax with bite.¡± The young Adventurer spoke clearly and crisply into the device and received a faint humm and then Wilf¡¯s voice in his ear. ¡°On my way¡­ Wait, bro¡­ Who¡¯s riding shield with you?¡± It took an embarrassingly long time for the three kids to realize that their uncle Kermal was riding in their squad, and had been all along. ¡°Gods, Kermie!¡± Benny barked, when the stealthy young knight handed over his contract weapon; in the form of a razor sharp, bronze, double bitted ax. ¡°You¡¯re as bad as Gary¡­ Sneaky weirdo!¡± ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m naturally sneaky¡­ It¡¯s an occupational hazard.¡± He finished handing the young man his weapon with a smile. ¡°I have no talent for the lumber trade, but this should work well for you. Anyone can wield this weapon, regardless of their rank, with my permission.¡± The big man passed back the weapon with a strange smile. ¡°Doesn¡¯t feel right, even if it¡¯s yours, now¡­ Let¡¯s wait for Wilf and Amy.¡± The soft spoken boy murmured. ¡°Yes, I suppose they¡¯d appreciate that.¡± The handsome, dusky skinned knight brushed his straight black hair away from a pair of dark, mysterious and piercing eyes and sighed, while fondling the smooth gray haft of his woodcutter¡¯s ax. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen him much¡­ since he came back, is he still¡­?¡± The young knight looked down at the sword he now held; his lapse in attention had sent it back into the form it always took for him. He sheathed the rudely and hilariously suggestive cock-sword away in its trouser-scabbard with a fond smile of remembrance. ¡°All these years and I still can¡¯t understand why he left this to me¡­ and I still wonder sometimes; if I should try to find some way to return it to him.¡± He patted Wanderer¡¯s Legacy and stroked it the way one might caress a close friend or pet a favorite cat. ¡°Even when he was¡­ gone, it felt like he was standing right beside me, wherever I went, whatever I faced¡­ It still does.¡± He whispered that last part very quietly, for his familiar¡¯s ears alone. ¡®Sometimes I think you like that tatty old sword¡¯s company more than my own.¡¯ Sasha whispered in sir Kermal Singh¡¯s mind, as she flitted from his shadow in a huffing, sniffling streak of silent shadow. ¡°Don¡¯t mind her, she¡¯s sulky lately.¡± Sir Kermal sighed to the big lad, who was still staring at the clump of ferns that the giant moth had vanished into. ¡°Let me know when the others get here; my dear friend is feeling a little left out.¡± The young knight unbuckled his weapon and handed it to his kinda-sorta nephew and smiled, before vanishing into the bracken and ferns, following his wayward familiar. # ¡°Where I come from, there aren¡¯t any knights anymore¡­ doctors and lawyers play that role in our culture.¡± Gary explained to his friends over dinner. Liam shook his head, already exhausted by his brother¡¯s strange attitude of surly independence from; and deeply held grudge for the pantheon. ¡°Lawyers are the members of your world¡¯s legal mercenary guild, ¡®The Bar Association¡¯... I remember you explaining that.¡± Liam frowned and chewed on a crispy, deep fried freshwater crab. ¡°It still seems unlikely that anything could get accomplished in a society infested with such quill dabbers for hire¡­¡± He frowned just a little angrily at the sickly man. ¡°What the deuce is a ¡®dokter¡¯?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what we call our healers¡¯ guild members. Like lawyers, they get elevated status, extra clout, make ridiculous money and many of them live lives that the poor can¡¯t even imagine.¡± He sighed. ¡°They take wordy and high minded oaths to their guilds, swearing to protect everyone and heal everyone¡­ But if the person that¡¯s injured or sick doesn¡¯t have any money or influence¡­ I¡¯m sure you can see where that ends up.¡± He dropped it there with a curt nod. ¡°Again, Dana, the divine goddess of healing is not interested in your money, Gary.¡± Tawny replied sharply. ¡°Nor cares she, for material wealth or power.¡± ¡°True¡­ and I don¡¯t have either of those anyway, not anymore.¡± His answer was just as crisp and tart as the ice cold grenadier pear cider he poured from a hand thrown, rustic clay pitcher. ¡°Did you ask why she put her strictures on me? ¡®Cause I¡¯m still not allowed to tell you.¡± ¡°She¡¯s pissed because your bath has healing properties, it seems your aura can make living entities more¡­ procreative and you practice the pharmacists¡¯ and healers¡¯ arts without her blessing.¡± Liam said with utter conviction, while Tawny remained silent and averted her eyes. ¡°It seems she is angry that you are encroaching on her territory¡­¡± Gary¡¯s grin got thinner and colder as his friend spoke, until he let loose a mad giggle of rage. ¡°That¡¯s what Healer told you?¡± He demanded of the silent woman, who sat in her chair and shifted around awkwardly under his gaze. ¡°No, Gary¡­ That is what I told Liam, because that¡¯s my best guess¡­ Lady Dana declined to hear my prayers or acknowledge the question.¡± Tawny finally whispered, her cheeks flushing a ruddy bronze color. ¡°I take it there is something deeper at play¡­¡± ¡°Those are the reasons she ¡®withdrew her grace¡¯ from me when I landed here¡­¡± Gary grumbled at the pair. ¡°She put me outside her realm before I finished drawing my first breath of your world¡¯s air. Things got a lot more straightforward when¡­¡± He fell silent for a moment, his face twisted in some occult discomfort. ¡°When the pantheon removes this curse, I¡¯ll be able to answer your questions about that. Until then, ask your gods and goddesses; I still can¡¯t even speak with my own.¡± He rose with a pained grunt and leaned on a walking stick a little as he shuffled off. ¡°Even asking me the question is uncomfortable, if you wanna demand answers, demand them from those who can speak¡­ Now I have to go puke up my breakfast.¡± # Perry¡¯s wooden training sword barely deflected the long, whiplike tendril of vegetation, as an identical appendage carried his round shield away into the woods. It was off to join his left vambrace and his helmet in the creature¡¯s steadily growing pile of gear. Audrey the rendroot bush looked like a sweetpea, but she was a total snapdragon, especially when it came to roughhousing with the Ward kids. Her favorite game was to ambush them from stealth, steal away their weapons, armor and even their clothing, leaving the embarrassed lads with a choice: They could hunt her down and wrestle her for their gear and clothes back, or skulk home wearing only their undies, in utter defeat and humiliation. Barry and Larry were doing no better than Perry, but their remaining brother¡­ ¡°Harry, how¡¯d she manage to steal your pants?!¡± He called to his muddy, bedraggled and half dressed brother, as he struggled to regain his own footing on the slick, mossy stones of the creekbed. ¡°I needed to pee¡­¡± He sulked, while struggling to keep his shorts up. ¡°She broke the drawstring on my boxers!¡± He complained sourly. ¡°Papa¡¯s gonna be mad abo¡­-¡± Quick as you please, a cluster of those slick, tough, coiling tendrils erupted from between two boulders, snatching the boy from sight in an instant. His wooden practice spear clattered to the streambed, only to be carried away just as swiftly by those stealthy, grasping vines. The remaining three bolted after Harry, whopping with excitement and mockery for their unfortunate brother, while following the muffled sounds of his terrified abduction through the woods of their backyard. # A familiar, throaty, metallic roar greeted the lord and lady of county Kinnis, as they stepped outside to call Audrey back from the woodlands, where she was playing with the four Ward boys. Liam grinned and waved heartily, when Dannyl roared up on his bike, dusty, scratched up and covered with leaves, twigs and forest loam. ¡°Welcome home little brother!¡± The Adventurer count embraced his comrade, mud and all, dragging him in close before the lad could even dismount properly; which drew a ¡°Tisk!¡± of dismay and unhappiness from his wife. ¡°Sorry, dear¡­ I¡¯ll have my things cleaned this afternoon.¡± The abashed lord murmured, even though he was still mauling the dirty young ruffian. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°Which means you will be sneaking off to play with all your no good friends and smoke your silly herb.¡± She scolded her lord husband, with a bright twinkle of merriment in her eyes. ¡°Fool of a man¡­¡± Tawny¡¯s thoughts on the matter were interrupted by Audrey¡¯s emergence from the shady woodlot behind the inn. In utter silence, she poured through the trees and bushes, gliding on her many, many tendrils and creeping vines. Her dark green leaves and long tough runners bore enormous, long fanged snapdragon flowers, in all the vibrant colors of a child¡¯s imagination. She poured out onto the front lawn and coiled into her favorite shape, a six legged, serpentine body of braided and knotted verdure, with six snapdragon heads on sinuous necks, festooned with thorns and lesser blooms. ¡°Excellent timing, my dear.¡± Tawny huffed at the happy, wriggling plant monster. ¡°My silly husband will be staying here for the day, bring me back to the palace¡­ and please barf up your playmates first.¡± One of the colossal snapdragon heads lowered to the grassy lawn and gently opened its cavernous maw, tumbling a weakly struggling form to the ground, cocooned in sticky, threadlike tendrils that withdrew back between the creature¡¯s toothy jaws. The countess waited patiently, as her husband¡¯s familiar heaved four nearly naked, dirty and battered boys onto the lawn in a huge cloud of pollen. ¡°Their things as well, my dear¡­¡± Tawny sang out cheerily, once the Ward boys began to struggle to their feet. A moment later, two more flower maws gaped open, tumbling their training gear onto the dazed boys¡¯ feet in a woody clatter. Tawny climbed onto her steed and waved demurely, broadcasting a smile of radiant, golden innocence at the poor confused boys, the explorer and her husband. ¡°I¡¯ll expect you to visit me at the palace, once you¡¯ve cleaned up, Dannyl.¡± ¡°Tawny and Papa are fightin¡¯ again.¡± Harry announced to his red haired, free spirited older brother. ¡°Healer¡¯s still being a cun¡­-¡± Perry¡¯s iron hard, calloused finger flicked the youngest Ward boy across the nose, while Larry and Barry each grabbed an ear and gave a none too gentle twist. ¡°Sorry auntie Tawny¡­ We¡¯re still trying to housetrain him.¡± Larry quipped, as he snaked a muscular arm around his younger brother¡¯s throat, applying a corrective headlock and noogie. Perry and Barry dipped in with perfectly timed wet willies, dampening both of the struggling boy¡¯s earholes simultaneously. ¡°That¡¯s enough, boys.¡± Tawny called from her seat atop the massive plant creature. ¡°Just because the gods cannot see into your home is no excuse for blasphemy, Harry. The divine lady Dana is a goddess and deserves our respect, even when she is being a divine pain in the arse.¡± The beautiful young countess wheeled her extravagant, floral mount and rode off without another word. ¡°Hate to see her go¡­¡± Dannyl murmured awkwardly after the priestess. The young lord was smiling abstractedly at his wife¡¯s departing bottom, bouncing lightly on the monster¡¯s back. ¡°Yeah, but I love to watch her leave¡­¡± Liam answered, without realizing he was speaking aloud. He also hadn¡¯t realized that a lit pipe was in his mouth, either. Fragrant smoke was already coiling around his head, inside and outside¡­ ¡°Whoah¡­¡± Dannyl whispered, when his brother orphan passed him the pipe. ¡°I never even saw you move¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s Gary¡¯s latest trick.¡± Liam grumbled, only pretending to be cross with his mad brother. ¡°He finally figured out how to put things into my hands, without my noticing. It only works on me and only on the grounds¡­ but he seems to find it amusing.¡± Liam dropped the copy of ¡®Space Raptor Butt Trilogy¡¯, by ¡®Dr. Chuck Tingle¡¯ that had manifested in his other hand, held as though he were currently halfway through reading the supposed tome of improbable smut from another world. It was simply a blank notebook with a horrifically embarrassing cover; since Gary had never actually gotten ahold of one of the many books in the author¡¯s extensive bibliography of questionable titles. Dannyl grinned a high wattage smile through the road dust and a good quantity of the forest floor and chuckled. ¡°Painting those covers really challenged me as an artist; but right now I need a bath¡­¡± The exhausted man sighed happily, as Harry took his machine away to the bike washing station. Perry and Larry helped him out of his gear, while Barry took care of the most important job; gathering the snacks. They reconvened in the bath with the count, releasing a combined sigh of utter relaxation as the hot, bubbling water and swirling steam carried them away. ¡°He¡¯s been unwell.¡± Liam explained quietly. ¡°Since his return, every cleric of Healer feels intense discomfort in his presence; whether in his home or not; apparently he experiences the same nausea and pain, but is not allowed to speak of it directly.¡± He smiled grimly and shook his head. ¡°Tawny¡¯s presence in his house especially churns his aura and draws the attention of the goddess¡­ and her divine fury.¡± ¡°Gods¡­¡± Harry scoffed sourly. ¡°Miss me with them.¡± ¡°There are so many deities and spirits out there, son¡­¡± Gary sighed as he slipped into the pool. ¡°You may find one or two you get along with, like Ward.¡± ¡°He¡¯s hardly a god.¡± Harry complained. ¡°He¡¯s never even asked me for money!¡± Gary giggled and sank lower in the pool to hide his smile, as his son glared up at the limitless heavens above. ¡°Some of my closest friends were gods, once¡­¡± He mumbled a few minutes later, once he¡¯d shared a few long pulls at Liam¡¯s pipe with Dannyl. ¡°Someday I might get to see them again¡­ until then, the mortal realm is where I belong, with all of you.¡± ¡°On that note, I need to head back; I promised the kids I¡¯d be back before nightfall.¡± Dannyl climbed out and began toweling off, smiling happily. ¡°Feels good to be home, brothers.¡± They were all still lounging in the pool when the roar of his bike signaled his departure. ¡°Shai said you needed ¡®boy¡¯s time¡¯ or something¡­¡± Mariah chimed a moment later, as she swooped through the steamy air of the bath, glowing a ruddy, ember red, shortly followed by Kree and Shai. ¡°I did say wait a mite, silly girl.¡± The giant smith woman grumbled fondly at her tiny charge. ¡°Betimes men must jabber on an make fools of themselves; wi nae women about tae witness their shameful antics.¡± All four boys splashed their mother in unison for her slights against man kind, dousing her thoroughly and setting off a short lived water fight, from which she emerged victorious¡­ As usual. ¡°Ye boys are fifteen now¡­¡± She sighed from Papa¡¯s arms, once things in the pool settled down and the insect girls were floating lazily, like fallen leaves on the surface of a still pond. ¡°Tis time we told thee sumat of the truth.¡± She began soberly. ¡°Ever since ye were small, yer papa hae been cheating tae help me win all the pillow fights an water wars¡­ Tis our secret shame.¡± She sighed happily. ¡°I do feel better, now ¡®tis out in the open.¡± ¡°I see your point, babe¡­ I feel lighter already!¡± Gary chirped from behind the veil of her damp, coppery hair. ¡°So, all this time¡­¡± Perry muttered. ¡°Aye, an we¡¯ll continue tae cheat unashamedly, henceforth.¡± She announced confidently. ¡°Suren, ¡®tis my right, as thy mother!¡± The tidal wave that engulfed the smiling couple was impressive. They washed up on the mossy stones around the pool, giggling and tangled together in a knot of pale limbs. ¡°Come on kids¡­ time for more snacks¡­¡± Liam said as confidently as he could, when it became apparent that the two idiots were not particularly worried about untangling themselves. All four boys and the two tiny insects made themselves scarce, following the count out into the changing room, then on into the kitchen. # ¡°Silver thornleaf¡­¡± Wilf muttered happily, when he rolled up with Amy, after clearing a small rockfall back up the trail. ¡°Mature and lots of it, too.¡± ¡°Kermal left his sword for you.¡± Benny shifted and squirmed awkwardly as he handed the magical weapon to his friend. ¡°He¡¯s off with his familiar.¡± Wilf unsheathed the weapon almost reverently and passed the empty denim scabbard to Amy. A moment later he held a gleaming bronze, broad bladed woodsman¡¯s ax, mounted on a shaft of close grained, gray hardwood. The big lad spent a few seconds putting on his usual armor, rather than the light biking and scouting gear they had been riding in. Pieces and plates appeared in his hands with the buckles ready and straps adjusted, in exactly the right position for him to quickly and efficiently swap out his gear, accomplishing the task in a little under two minutes. His storage gift made the process simple and quick, if only a faint reflection of what their mother could do with hers¡­ and what Papa could, once. Wilf shook off his melancholy thoughts as he put on his leering demon menpo and reptile eye goggles, for full face protection. The big man slipped down the embankment, to address the trees that were blocking the bridge more directly. ¡°Stay back, these things have surprising range.¡± He called, as he swung his ax into a slender, silver trunk. The delicate, lacy silver leaves on the stricken tree¡¯s boughs thrashed and flickered, darting at the boy. With a silvery, musical chime, the leaves flicked free of their twigs and branches, flying at the ax wielder, their razor keen edges cutting the air with a faint, whistling scream. Many keen edged leaves flew off the mark, drifting aimlessly on the gentle breeze, once they lost their target¡­ most struck true, slashing at his armored form impotently as he felled the tree with three quick strikes. Six more of the trees fell, in a swirling tempest of razor sharp foliage before the bridge was clear and a half hour longer until the lumber had been packed away in Amy¡¯s storage gift, for later. Benny shouldered a heavy canvas bag containing a sapling of the magical trees for count Liam¡¯s garden. The Wards were under a strict ¡®no dangerous plants in the garden¡¯ rule, so they had only collected one sample. # Sir Kermal held out a clay jar of sugar wasp honey for Sasha, who¡¯s long, whip-like proboscis twitched and uncoiled involuntarily at the sweet, magical treat¡¯s scent. ¡°I can¡¯t be bribed¡­¡± She sniffled from her perch on the boll of a small pine tree. Nearly four feet from wing tip to wing tip, the enormous gray and black death¡¯s head hawk-moth fluttered and shifted awkwardly on the narrow trunk. ¡°You kept me in your shadow and didn¡¯t let me out at all!¡± She spread her wings in an unconscious display of agitation and insecurity, making herself seem even larger and showing the pale white, grinning human skull marking that gave her kind their name. ¡°Sweetie¡­ Honeybug¡­ We¡¯ve been over this. You¡¯re terrifying to people and beasts who don¡¯t know what you are.¡± He whispered gently. ¡°Even lady Ester wouldn¡¯t have been able to keep the horses calm if you appeared.¡± She flitted over and perched on his shoulder, landing with hardly any perceptible weight. Her long mouth part flicked out to collect her bribe carrying the small pot of honey away, as her antennae tickled his ear gently. ¡°Kree sent me that honey just for you sweetie, she¡¯s looking forward to seeing you again and introducing you to her new sister. I know they are going to love my sweet, friendly girl.¡± Kermal said confidently. ¡°Now come on, the kids will be done soon, let¡¯s watch them work.¡± # ¡°Your birthday is getting close¡­¡± Gary told his three older boys, down in the workshop. Their papa had all their Adventure gear up on racks for adjustment and servicing, before the big day and the adventures to come. Four suits of armor and a rack of weapons and musical instruments stood by, all lovingly crafted for each of them by their parents, siblings and close kin. ¡°I know Harry is going with you kids¡­¡± He paused and smiled at the triplets. ¡°...you men. I won¡¯t pretend to like it, but I trust you to look out for him.¡± ¡°Yes papa.¡± All three answered in harmony. ¡°I don¡¯t know how it¡¯s going to happen, but the gods, spirits, divines and fae will begin approaching you soon; probably in your dreams. You should consider carefully, before accepting any offers¡­¡± He looked up when he heard them shifting uncomfortably on their stools. ¡°Have any of you already been approached?¡± He asked, eyeing the boys with interest. All three hands slowly went up, then came back down. ¡°All three? And none of you Contracted?¡± Three nods and three silent denials followed. ¡°Perry, which god approached you? Do you mind?¡± He asked eagerly, paternal enthusiasm and nerdy joy in his eyes. ¡°Uh¡­ Light, Fire, Brigid, Bacchus and a few others¡­¡± He mumbled with his eyes glued to his shoes. Gary¡¯s gaze landed on Larry who blushed and nodded. ¡°Ipet came by, with Thirp, Wind and Cernunnos.¡± The most serious of the three answered quickly. ¡°I told them I¡¯d consider it.¡± ¡°Barry?¡± Their father asked gently, since the lad had turned a dark red from his hairline to collar. ¡°Healer tried to cozy up to me¡­ I may have been impolite.¡± He grumbled. ¡°She just strolled into my dream and told me I was hers¡­¡± Barry complained, not very apologetically. ¡°She told me that I belonged to her¡­¡± ¡°Fair enough, son. But don¡¯t piss off the gods¡­ unnecessarily. That¡¯s a lesson we could all remember.¡± Their proud papa sighed. ¡°They can grant you power¡­ Power like your mom, aunties and uncles have.¡± ¡°Power like you had.¡± Larry replied evenly. ¡°They act like they are offering some great treasure, but the gifts and magic are already inside us¡­ They just offer their keys to unlock them. That¡¯s one of the great secrets they are trying to hide.¡± ¡°We gave them our demands a few weeks ago; when they came around, knocking on our dreams.¡± Barry grumbled angrily. ¡°They know what we expect, before they get anything from us.¡± ¡°Are you three¡­ haggling with the pantheon?¡± He asked very carefully. ¡°Who put you up to this?¡± ¡°Nobody!¡± Larry insisted sharply. ¡°We decided together, when Barry¡­¡± ¡°When Barry¡­ What?¡± Gary asked with a dangerous note of fury in his voice. ¡°Healer approached Barry first¡­ Three months ago.¡± Larry grumbled sourly. ¡°That was supposed to be extra secret.¡± ¡°Uncle Ward is negotiating for us¡­¡± Perry mumbled in deep embarrassment. ¡°We weren¡¯t supposed to tell you, cause he says you might do something stupid¡­ again.¡± # Ch: 36 Comin Round The Mountain Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 36 Comin Round The Mountain Dannyl¡¯s roaring machine announced his return while the coaches were still a third of a mile from the waiting cluster of houses, shining in the afternoon sun. He motored up and disengaged his whip from inside his bike with an effortless twist and tug. The long, serpentine, barbed chain obediently coiled back up into its rectangular case of leather and wood, ringing and whirring softly as it sorted itself away. Benny, Maya and Frank were all lounging in the garden, on the patio near the steaming outdoor bath. They waved to their ¡®supervisor¡¯ as he rolled up with a wide, bug spattered grin on his face. ¡°I took the main road back, it¡¯s pretty loamy out on the trails.¡± He sang happily, as he peered around the garden, before heading for the main house. ¡°I gotta rub Wilf¡¯s nose in it¡­¡± ¡°The terrible trio are in the workshop¡­¡± Maya warned the veteran Adventurer. ¡°It¡¯s pretty intense in there.¡± He paused on the threshold and grimaced with awkward indecision. ¡°They¡¯re running the forge today.¡± She pointed to the tall chimney rising over Wilf¡¯s high peaked, red tiled roof. A dense cloud of pale gray smoke and steam rose into the cloudless summer afternoon, with occasional sparks of flaring, eldritch, definitely not fire erupting from the chimney pot. Swirling, half seen animal forms twisted, sprang and danced in that towering column of vapor and smoke, always flickering and swaying at the edge of what might be a trick of light and shadow¡­ Or perhaps something uncanny was peering in from beyond, only faintly perceptible to mortals for a few, fleeting instants; those chancey moments when sensitive souls found themselves caught between heartbeats and breaths. Dannyl¡¯s hand still rested on the handle of the sliding door, feeling a swiftly oscillating thrill of something primal thrumming through his fingertips. ¡°Oh, no thanks¡­¡± He murmured as he joined the kids and, he now realized, sir Kermal and his familiar. ¡°Sasha! Kermie!¡± He chirped happily as the moth nuzzled and fluttered her dusky wings around his head, buffeting him with her joyous welcome, as moths do. ¡°I have a little treat just for you¡­ and something special for you, Kree and the birthday girl when we get home¡­¡± He murmured from inside the fluttering cloud of wings and shadows. Sir Kermal sighed with long suffering, good natured misery as his familiar mauled the handsome young lad. ¡°Don¡¯t mind me¡­ I¡¯m just your bonded companion¡­¡± He put on an elaborate performance of hurt feelings that nobody bought for a second, while his moth fluttered over to perch on his back, nibbling on a piece of maple dryad rock candy. The rest of the party rolled in a half hour later, sweaty, dusty and tired, but largely enchanted by the glorious vistas of the high mountain valleys in full summer. Birdsong, the fresh scent of conifers and sun warmed loam, small life flashing through the bracken and ferns, amid trickling streams and shady dells¡­ Even the three sea captains were looking wistful and dreamy; now that they were riding in carriages, rather than perched atop horsies. It took a while for the arriving group to get settled back into the little hamlet, since the main house remained mysteriously off limits for another half hour. Eventually the chimney¡¯s output reduced to a single, thin streamer of steamy smoke and the strange, thrumming sensation left the house. A few minutes later Wilf, Amy and Rio appeared; sweaty, tired and covered in soot, ash, grease and metal filings. They headed for the bath after greeting their guests, then splashed into the outdoor pool in utter exhaustion. ¡°We had a busy day¡­¡± Frank muttered happily, as the remaining team members got busy serving a very late lunch, slash early dinner to the weary travelers and their horses. # After so many years, waking again in the familiar dreamworld of her childhood fancies felt like coming home again. Marduk was seated on a bench, outside her door, waiting patiently for her arrival, it seemed; at least he was drumming the heels of his golden sandals on her grassy turf and twisting the divine ringlets mercilessly. ¡°Oh, Becky¡­ I wish I could have been here to welcome you home last time! I felt awful, missing out, so I shooed Maple away for the evening.¡± He chirped merrily, as he hopped onto his feet with an eager smile. ¡°She had pressing matters of her own to address anyway.¡± The tiny god looked down at his toes and blushed a little as he reflected on his awkward confession. ¡°I¡¯m glad you were here this time, Ducky.¡± She murmured into the divine curls, her warm, mortal breath drifted down the collar of his raiment like a summer breeze, it soothed and calmed the anxious god; just as his embrace eased her worries, like before the stupid pantheon ruined everything... ¡°Will I be able to come back¡­? If Gary gets better?¡± She whispered softly as hope bloomed in her breast. In her dreams, it was surely alright to be a little selfish¡­ ¡°That remains occult, my dear.¡± Ducky pointed up to the gloomy, abandoned inn on the precipice. ¡°His strange, high house in the mist remains cold and empty¡­ though a light flickered in a window for a brief moment, not long ago.¡± He tapped his chin with one perfectly manicured fingertip and sighed wistfully. ¡°Perhaps¡­ Some issues must remain hidden, while others are simply unspoken.¡± ¡°What does that mean, Ducks?¡± She demanded sharply. ¡°Don¡¯t try to play ¡®inscrutable divine schemer¡¯ with me, boy! I¡¯m not some petty cleric, to be fobbed off with ineffable platitudes! I swaddled your bare behind, the day Gary pulled you back from the abyss!¡± Marduk, god of man¡¯s Wit, Wisdom, Lore and Knowledge sighed gustily and winced. ¡°You¡¯re as bad as he ever was, Becky my love. Other gods get obedient, humble servants and worshippers¡­¡± Marduk took her by the hand and led her across the bridge, out into the misty realms occupied by the gods, fae and divines; complaining all the while. ¡°Even a well managed devil cult can usually be counted on to at least remain polite and deferential, when addressing their patron¡­ Why am I blessed with such willful and obstinate worshipers?!¡± ¡°Uh, huh¡­ If I¡¯m so intolerable, why are you smiling so hard your cheeks are getting red?¡± She demanded sweetly. ¡°This is a grimace of divine fury, puny mortal!¡± He managed the lie in this realm, where only truths could be spoken even by the gods; since the truth was written across his childlike, joyous face. ¡°Fear the wrath of your divine master!¡± He sighed at last, as they arrived at a table surrounded by chairs, with a lovely tea service laid out for company. ¡°You will suffer for your impious attitude, mortal child!¡± He scolded sweetly, while he poured a cup for her and sweetened it with small cubes of crystalized dryad maple sugar. ¡°Jasmine tea, your second favorite.¡± He smirked viciously. ¡°Blackberry tisane is a sacrament reserved for the respectful and pious.¡± ¡°My god is strict, but just.¡± She replied humbly, using her teacup to hide an irreverent little smile at the excited deity''s antics. A few seconds later, if such ideas mattered in a timeless dream realm¡­ A tall man with dark, sun-browned skin, radiant eyes of iridescent colors, bearing a magnificent rack of antlers on his brow, stepped into the little parkland and smiled. He wore simple huntsmans¡¯ leathers and was followed by a small pack of lean, fierce looking wolfhounds. The man bowed slightly to the god and spoke with a smooth, urbane accent and a rich, clear voice. ¡°Apologies, lord Marduk, Beast is unable to attend and hopes that humble Cernunnos may serve as his proxy.¡± ¡°More than acceptable, my friend¡­ join us while we await the others.¡± The small god smiled and began pouring another cup. ¡°This is Becky Ward, a mortal, but she can hear you speak and can withstand our presence, lord Hound.¡± ¡°Mmm¡­ I¡¯d seen her around, but dared not approach, lest she be blown away¡­¡± He murmured, leaning across the table for a better look at the dark skinned mortal woman with plaited curls and a smile of irreverent amusement on her dusky pink lips. ¡°I too have seen you, in the past. We never spoke then.¡± She said with a little giggle. ¡°Something tells me we have more company coming, I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll get the chance to speak later.¡± ¡°Sister Joy!¡± Marduk cried from the edge of the little garden park. ¡°Splendid, splendid! I do love a good tea party!¡± Joy was tall and inscrutable, swathed in expansive folds of shimmering green silk and wearing an ivory mask bearing an unremarkable, almost abstract smiling face. Only the smile and dancing eyes, filled with Joy were distinct features or even vaguely recognizable. Only those eyes and that smile of deep and abiding pleasure were important. With her came the brazen, blazing, armored form of Brigid, goddess of Poets, Hearths and Forges, who greeted Becky with a long and familiar hug, while Joy stood nearby, enjoying¡­ everything. Ward, god of Death and Vengeance arrived hand in hand with Ipet, goddess of Justice and Thirp, spider goddess of Secrets, Weavers, Spinners and Lovers. ¡°Excellent! I¡¯d hoped for a good turnout!¡± Marduk cheered when the seats began filling up. He bustled about, playing host and enjoying himself immensely. ¡°I¡¯ve never thrown a party before¡­ it would have been mortifying if no one showed!¡± He led Eponna to the last seat, settling himself in beside her with a pleased little gasp of happiness. Becky sat and listened with rapt attention, as several members of the pantheion chatted, gossipped and caught up, much the way she did, when encountering a childhood friend after an absence. She failed to comprehend those overheard conversations, despite her gift translating the words they spoke. The problem seemed to be a complete lack of context and commonalities. After a while she surrendered her attempts at eavesdropping and just watched the way the divines and fae interacted; observing their mannerisms and movements. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Many seemed tremulous or perhaps even frightened, but resolute, as they gathered in the wide garden park. A few beings she recognized moved through the throng; Ward was there, in the crowd and studiously avoiding her vicinity. He shot her a wink and smile that shouted: ¡®Just go with it!¡¯ silently from across the lawn. Joy was always at the center of activity, both fae and divine, though otherwise the two groups mingled and interacted comparatively little. The fae contingent swarmed in the trees, or sat on the lawn in small groups around the periphery, while the deities occupied the center of the garden. There was plenty of overlap where the two factions met and there seemed to be little friction between them, but with immortals, who could say? ¡°Friends, fae, divines¡­¡± Ducky spoke up after the extended catchup sesh; drawing the attention of the group with his divine aura¡­ and a spoon tinkled merrily in a teacup. ¡°Let us begin this meeting and get on to the heart of the matter, before our mortal guest must wake.¡± The chatter fell silent, as the small god summoned a large chalkboard into being, angled so that everyone could see it clearly. Drawn across the surface, in colorful chalk, complete with adorable little flowers doodled in the corners, was her brother¡¯s ¡®Character Sheet¡¯: Gary Ward: Unique Humanoid* Mortal* Class: Druid, Craftsman, Witch Age:14* Rank:Unranked/Underranked/Deranked* Might:Copper minus, Beast, divine Contract, Homebody, The Hive, The Sun. Resilience:Copper minus, Ward, divine Contract, Fractured Soul, Quietus Moon, The Moon Agility:Unranked, Pockets!, Sleight of Mind, The Hierophant. Critical error, spear Wanderer¡¯s Legacy not found¡­ consult a witch or deity for assistance. Will:Copper minus, Brigid, etheric Contract, Artisan, Bound in Flesh, The Hanged Man. Mind:Copper minus, Ipet, divine Contract, Interface, Unlivening, The Endless Dance of Death. Animus:Copper minus, Joy, divine Contract, Familiar Stranger, Entrainment, The Fool. *These values have been modified by an outside influence. ¡°We must find an immortal being that is able and willing to form a Contract with the wreckage of this boy¡­ That is proving a tall order, so far.¡± Marduk declared firmly, tapping the notation for Gary¡¯s Agility stat with a long, bronze tipped pointer rod. ¡°The object of human artifice he once bound there, has found a new owner; so that is out. Becky¡¯s mate is the current owner of the thing and only death can sever that bond.¡± He glared sharply at the gathered group and waved his pointer to encompass a surprising number of disparate beings who had gathered for the meeting. ¡°No shortcuts¡­ The mortal currently bearing that weapon received it as a bequest from the boy¡­ Interfering there will end poorly, I promise you.¡± As Marduk spoke, the fae and deities had gathered closer together, allowing an even larger contingent of beings to draw nearer to the crowded clearing. Becky lifted her gaze from the snack table and scanned the throng of entities gathered all around, peering from the woods, lingering by the plantings and generally snooping. ¡°Who are all these beings?¡± Becky turned and asked Thirp softly. ¡°Are they also gods?¡± The spider goddess sighed tiredly and shook her head. ¡°Not all immortals are gods, my dear, nor does immortality rest easily on every soul that bears it. Rumors of an ending for the endless, have spread far and fast in the spaces between worlds. Some are merely curious or thrill seekers, come to peer at an oddity, while others may have come seeking something that cannot be found elsewhere¡­ Death.¡± ¡°Ok¡­ that¡¯s super creepy, Ducks.¡± Becky grumbled as she began to wake. # Duchess Jaspreet smiled at her silly husband, happily coaching Ishmael and Sarafina in the sword before breakfast, supervising their two on one battle against the youngest of the greenie Adventurers. Three giggling kids strove against each other with leather wrapped training swords, dressed in suits of worn and battered quilted armor and light helmets of laminated wood. Back and forth across the dusty, roadside camp his kids scurried, pursued by the relentless blonde teenager, with her long hair coiled up in a tight, braided cap under her helmet. A few brassy yellow curls escaped and drifted like a halo around her face, glowing in the morning sun. Her rosy, red apple cheeks and joy filled smile had Ishmael blushing and fumbling under her gaze, as she swatted and poked him around the training circle; while parrying and dodging Sarafina¡¯s clumsy attacks with ease. ¡°Keep a firm wrist and address your point to the foe, son! Up off your heels, Sarafina, keep in motion and watch her, not her sword!¡± The proud duke cheered and waved, circling the battle, crowing in delight when Ish dodged a backhanded slash and slipped closer to her. He shouldered the girl off balance for a moment, using his slightly greater mass to break her rhythm¡­ Before she leaned forward, quick as a striking desert adder and planted a kiss on his cheek. The stunned lordling turned at least three shades of red and stumbled in place for a moment, on suddenly weak and trembling knees. The smiling orphan girl spun away with a liquid giggle and cocky little swaying dance, while Sarafina¡¯s wild lunge for Stacy¡¯s middle crashed into her brother¡¯s vulnerable, butterfly infested abdomen. ¡°Well struck, daughter¡­¡± Jaspreet sang out from the breakfast table, with the other noble ladies. ¡°But your brother was on your side, was he not?¡± She asked sweetly, once Sara was washed up and changed for breakfast. ¡°Yeah¡­ He¡¯s gonna be pretty mad¡­¡± She mumbled, bright red cheeks displaying her embarrassment to the company. ¡°Stacy¡¯s sneaky.¡± ¡°Hmm¡­ I think perhaps your brother will forgive you¡­¡± Jaspreet replied, with a glance back over at the training circle. Stacy, the cute blonde orphan girl was bent over Ish, gently helping him finish heaving and gagging, among the laughing and jesting warriors. ¡°Yes, you may rest easy, my dear.¡± She murmured softly, when her son flopped down on his butt in the dust; sitting back to back with Stacy, to eat breakfast with the Adventurers. They chatted and ate, facing away from each other, but leaning against each other in a subtle kind of intimacy and camaraderie. When the company mounted up, Ish wound up riding beside the cheerful, outrageously pretty girl, with Sarafina at his other stirrup, thick as thieves, all three. Jaspreet caught Abed smiling fondly out the coach window at the trio, lost in his own contemplations. At home, the daily emergencies, pressing duties and constant demands left poor Abed little time to play with the children¡­ Now he was savoring these moments and unwinding into the cool, calm, easygoing man he always was in private, even among common warriors and Adventurers. ¡°We¡¯ll be extending this vacation, my husband.¡± The duchess whispered softly in his ear. ¡°I am having simply too much fun.¡± ¡°My duties to Shiraz and her people outweigh the momentary desires of even my beloved wife¡­-¡± He fell silent as the duchess¡¯ quick, nimble fingers deftly braided her long, dark hair into two silky pigtails¡­ those same fingers flicked open two buttons on her neat, white shirt, while her long legs crossed, revealing white, lace kneesocks with tiny pink bows at the cuffs. ¡°Is that something new from Jennah?¡± He asked hoarsely through a suddenly dry throat. ¡°Yes, my dear husband¡­ but these are naughty little vacation underthings, not dutiful duchess bloomers.¡± She sighed winsomely as her fingertips trailed over his collar, invading the ducal hairline with gentle, sensual scratches. ¡°I¡¯ll change into something more conservative and sensible when we stop for lunch.¡± ¡°But¡­ Twintails longsocks is my favorite¡­¡± He gasped pitifully. The hellish vixen sneered at her pitiful victim, knowing full well he was in her absolute thrall. ¡°You are so cruel!¡± She raised the back of her hand before her shapely red lips, to hide her evil, cackling laugh of victory. ¡°Yes, cruel indeed, but I will have what I want, husband; or I shall discover an interest in high collared, flannel nightgowns.¡± Her wicked, crowing laugh carried out the coach windows, floating on the clear morning breeze; which sent shivers of unnameable dread down the spines of a few of the men. Just before noon, they crested a pass between three peaks and looked down on the valley of Foresthome and county Kinnis proper, in its verdant, unspoiled glory. # On the other side of that valley, the tall pines gave way to sequoias and hemlocks as the foothills spilled out onto the valley floor in an unruly heap. Spread out before the weary travelers lay a sea of green and pleasant forests that undulated over low, rolling hills, shady dells, creeks, streams and rivers largely run wild. Thin streamers of smoke indicated a lonely cabin or camp, otherwise one might suspect that this was a slice of true wilderness; despite the wide, well surfaced road and the small city, barely visible on the far side of the valley. That smooth, wide road and their well rested horses made for easy going, as the party strung out a little and ate up the miles. Early afternoon found them at the outskirts of the city of Foresthome, a thriving little town surrounded by the overgrown and reforested remains of a once flourishing city. Houses and buildings were scarce at the farthest edge of the reviving community; eventually becoming a real town by the lake, below a small keep on the hillside. Most of the structures were either wooden and newly built on freshly cleared land, or ancient piles of the local tufa stone, rebuilt and repurposed for new occupants. The party clattered past a team of workmen busy restoring an ancient stone house, laying fresh, white plaster over the coarse lava stone walls. Roofers were putting new, bright red glazed clay tiles on and smirking, while below them, a carpenter and a mason argued bitterly over whose team was behind schedule. The whole crew stopped to watch the vanguard of mounted warriors ride by, followed by three coaches flying ducal pennants and the diplomatic ensign of the empire. The silly blue dog cart and a half dozen mounted servants followed, with the bike riding kids of team Ragamuffin trailing after, lending an air of whimsy to the procession. Muddy, filthy, bedraggled and smiling like deranged people, the kids pedaled along, leaving clots of forest loam, tracks of mud and general filth behind. With a nod in triplicate, Wilf, Amy and Maya cut off to the right and vanished into a narrow trail that disappeared into the woods just a few yards off the road. Fifteen minutes later they rattled back into the group, even dirtier than when they had disappeared. Breathing hard and grinning like fools, they fell back into formation¡­ At which point, Rio, Benny and Frank dipped to the left, plunging down a game trail with a shared whoop of excitement. Kermal Singh sat on a plush coach seat beside his wife, Becky Ward, high priestess of the cult of Knowledge, like a responsible nobleman and knight¡­ While watching the kids explore the damp forests all around them on those marvelous machines. His legs twitched involuntarily when the trio reappeared, riding down a narrow track and bouncing onto the road in a messy spray of mud, leaf litter and smiles. ¡°Sorry, Kermie¡­¡± His beautiful wife murmured in his ear. ¡°We¡¯ll get out and explore too, I promise.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ I¡¯ll sneak you away from the noble doings at some point.¡± He grumbled in mild annoyance as the coaches and ducal guards followed the road up to the count¡¯s ¡®palace¡¯ above the lake¡­ overlooking a familiar inn and its steaming outdoor baths. # A sign by the gate read ¡®Closed¡¯ and a fluttering rope of knotted, colorful rags stretched across the opening. The sensation of creeping dread and unwelcomeness that interlopers would encounter, just across that gaily decorated cord was the real deterrent. Only a dedicated trespasser could violate that boundary, which would alert the master and mistress of the house. The gaggle of bike riding kids and loose adventurers tumbled over, ducked under or slipped around the rope barrier with joyful cries of delight. The Ragamuffins racked their cruddy, muddy bikes against the stable wall, as the resident equines snuffled and whinnied their friends home. Sandi came trotting out first, head high and her golden mane braided across her dust colored neck, baring her teeth in a wide, horsie smile. Wilf, Amy and Rio hugged up on the pony mare, as a few other hooved friends came out to greet the kids with ecstatic little snorts and whickering equine laughter. Dannyl was already in the bath, floating with the others, loose and relaxed into a pile of drifting ginger flotsam. ¡°Demonic orange blossom honey! It was one giant outsider bee, the thing took over a forest of wild citrus trees and made a real mess¡­ Wait till you taste it!¡± His eyes were closed, as he chatted with Kree and Mariah, who were perched in the flowering jasmine near the pool. Gary and Shai swooped down on the muddy, loamy kids and started hugging and squeezing all six at random, while they were still trying to shuck their bike gear. The tempest of affection and welcome washed over the Ragamuffins, warm, familiar and long absent, they let themselves be swept away into the pleasures of hearth and home. # The palace was large, compared to the much diminished city it loomed over. It was also still slightly ramshackle, with one whole wing still uninhabitable, due to the roof and floor having both fallen into the basement in ages long past. What was intact and livable displayed a cozy, homey aesthetic that felt less a count¡¯s palace on the fringe, than a prosperous farmer¡¯s pleasant and unassuming home. Weapons and armor stood on displays, banners and trophies from the count¡¯s exploits covered the walls, yet the palace remained warm and welcoming. Plants in pots and hanging baskets flourished everywhere, mingling with the fresh scent of the herbs drying in the rafters of the great hall. Magical glowstones, rather than lamps or rushlights lit the space, as the only ostentatious display of wealth. The groups of noble travelers landed barely two hours apart, straining the count¡¯s hospitality beyond its limits, as retainers jostled for primacy and pride of place in the crowded keep. No amount of easygoing acceptance and reasonableness on the part of their primaries was going to prevent the status minded from pressing the limits and trying for superior accommodations¡­ even when there were none to be had. Eventually, the dukes and duchesses, the empress and her consort and all the other lords trooped off into a private lounge usually reserved for the lord¡¯s family and closed the door on their entirely too diligent retainers. # Ch: 37 Me And My Shadow Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 37 Me And My Shadow The whole family, which included all of Team Ragamuffin and a number of¡­ more distant relatives sprawled over a greatly expanded inn complex; after the kids added their abilities to their parents¡¯ odd and potent conjuration in a musical ritual that took a lot longer than strictly necessary. The Wards seemed reluctant to release their odd sorcerous performance spell, even after the structures were complete, carrying on and on into the afternoon. The main house and baths had expanded greatly, in addition to the new structures that appeared between ecstatic verses of classic rock. ¡®Mister Brownstone¡¯ and ¡®Welcome to the Jungle¡¯ started the set and increased their total acreage to encompass everything within a half mile radius of their home. Maya and Benny handled the vocals together; their tight and ringing harmonies brought a three song set of ¡®Guns N Roses¡¯ classics in for a soft landing on ¡®Sweet Child O Mine¡¯. Most of the guests and family failed to appreciate the sweet, hard rockin tracks from another time and place¡­ The locals were sadly lacking the musical and cultural foundations to understand the raucous, aggressive style and occult lyrics; none of which the Wards ever even attempted to explain. The music swelled back up after tea and a snack, as the kids and their parents took turns belting out local favorites and obscure chart toppers from beyond the veil. Late in the night, Mariah buzzed her wobbly, sleepy way back into her branches and fell asleep, without a word to anyone. The bright, springtime aura and scents of her blazing tree became the low, red embers of well banked coals and the fuzzy, cozy warmth of bedtime. That set off a chain reaction, as people began drifting to their beds and into exhausted slumber. # Barry tossed restlessly in the comfy, cloudlike bed he¡¯d grown up sleeping in, under that old familiar roof. The same warm scent of forge smoke, spices, herbs and baking filled his mind with peace¡­ Yet his legs and arms churned the bedding and his eyes rolled wildly behind his tightly closed eyelids. Somewhere, an unimaginable distance from his sleeping form, Barry Ward stood on a lonely prominence; standing above and surrounded by impenetrable gray mist. His searching gaze found no hint of a path or climbable surface, nor any sign that the bare, blasted stone peak was attached to anything at all, below that dense, ever churning cloud layer. Above, gleaming stars and the two moons shone brilliantly, illuminating the scene by virtue of being bigger and brighter than possible in the real world. Heedless of the glorious vista, the young man glared sourly at a radiant golden being, standing among the distant stars. Dana, the healer of wounds, succor of mortal kind, shone down on the wretched stone and the angry, defiant young man. He stood with his arms crossed and brows knitted into a furrowed mask of denial and rejection of her rightful role as the sun in this dark and silent realm. ¡°No. You are unwelcome until our demands are met. I¡¯m not negotiating. Now release me back into mortal sleep.¡± He snapped, displaying a lack of reverence that still shocked her immortal aura, even after so many rejections. ¡°You cannot deny me¡­!¡± She declared, in a voice that rang through the starry void and made the clouds thrash and spin below him. ¡°Your very soul begs for my touch, mortal fragment! I hear your call and must answer!¡± ¡°You have my answer¡­ No, now go bother someone else.¡± The disembodied soul snapped sharply at the goddess, before turning and leaping off into the obscuring vapor below. He vanished into the white mist and smiled as Dana¡¯s golden light dwindled behind him and the clouds became dark, comforting and cool. Landing back in his body was the best and worst part of the ordeal, after the long plunge through the never, back into mortal existence. He splashed into his own, restless form with a jiggly, bouncy sensation that was super disorienting and¡­ he had to admit it, pretty damn fun. He lingered for a few minutes, enjoying the weird, jiggly jello world he¡¯d returned to so abruptly, bouncing and wiggling in a way that was completely incompatible with what he understood as his fixed and firm ¡®reality¡¯. Ripples spread out from his bed, rebounded and diverged in a wildly complex recursive pattern, slowly and subtly reconnecting him to mortal senses and the occult strangeness that he felt growing within himself, after every meeting with the obstinate deity. Slowly the rippling, jiggling waves in reality subsided; as always, he felt as though he¡¯d just missed out on some profound revelation, almost uncovering some hidden truth of the occult world. The eldritch sensations faded slowly, as reality closed back in around his body, once more. ¡°Sorry, Barry.¡± Ward murmured from a shadow near his bed. ¡°I¡¯ve told her again and again to stop, but goddesses are notoriously headstrong and obstinate.¡± Slowly, his uncle poured out into the small bedroom filled with a young man¡¯s childhood trinkets and toys. Barry tucked his beloved plush owlbear, ¡®Mister MacGruber¡¯ out of the way, so Ward could sit on the bed. ¡°It¡¯s fine, it even feels kinda¡­ kinda good to tell her to take a hike.¡± He admitted guiltily. ¡°She¡¯s a huge bitch.¡± Ward chuckled and shook his head sadly. ¡°When she sees you, she sees a fragment of your dad¡­ not a person. She wanted him when he came here, because he really is a nurturing and kind soul.¡± The death god in bermuda shorts and an elaborately embroidered guayabera shirt mumbled awkwardly. ¡°Other forces in the ether had already had a go at your dad¡¯s soul, what those beings did to him¡­ to us, was an obscenity against the universe itself.¡± The god seated on the bed shook under a bout of barely restrained divine fury at some unvoiced recollection. ¡°Who did something to him? What did they do?¡± Barry demanded hotly. ¡°That seems crazy, she hates him for something somebody did to him?¡± ¡°Most of that information is taboo, all the gods and spirits are forbidden to speak of it to mortals, even me.¡± Ward sighed slowly, as he collected his thoughts. ¡°All I can say is that your dad was migrating through the ether, on his way to this world after dying on his world. Many souls have made that kind of journey, all across the limitless void and everything it contains, on so many worlds. Somehow, he was¡­¡± A twisted and furious expression crossed the preternaturally handsome deity¡¯s face. ¡°We¡­ were captured, a lost and damaged, bodiless soul they held me, us for a long time, for¡­ a really, really long time.¡± Ward paused for a moment and took a deep breath, focusing his mental resources and calming himself. With a sad smile he resumed his tae, with a cool, clinical detachment in his voice. ¡°Things were done to him, he was damaged, experimented on and¡­ used in ways that I cannot explain, by divine decree.¡± They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, contemplating that thought. ¡°When Gary manifested in the mortal world, what arrived was too different from what he had been.¡± Ward, grumbled sourly, once more possessed of a slow simmering fury that lingered all around him. ¡°Dana, when she looks at your dad, she sees only the wounds and rents in his soul, not the person bearing those scars and struggling to survive. When I speak with her, it¡¯s a completely different vibe. She¡¯s so sweet, giving and warm, filled with love and life¡­¡± He fell silent, smiling at some fond remembrance. Barry coughed awkwardly, interrupting his notoriously horney uncle¡¯s reflections on his ¡®interfaith outreach¡¯ efforts with the goddess of Healing. ¡°That¡¯s great, now tell me how you got into my room. We don¡¯t have one of your bonsai trees in the house.¡± The lad grumbled just a little sourly, while shoving his huge, plush owlbear toy farther into the shadows. ¡°I was kinda wondering about that myself¡­¡± The smiling divine shrugged blandly and threw his hands up helplessly. ¡°I felt a weird vibration in the ether and slipped through the shadows, right inside.¡± He scratched his head idly and turned up the wattage on his grin. ¡°That¡¯s one of the restrictions placed on us by the pantheon. My trees won¡¯t grow in his house and I can¡¯t appear on the grounds¡­ Just like I¡¯m not allowed to speak to or appear before him directly. I¡¯m an immortal spirit, but I¡¯m also under divine strictures, so I usually gotta appear outside the grounds and can¡¯t cross the boundary without a direct invitation from Shai or you guys.¡± ¡°So how are you here now? Does this mean¡­?¡± The young man began excitedly whispering and leaning closer to his uncle, embarrassing plushie forgotten. ¡°No, the strictures and curses are still there. Somehow, you opened a door and let me slip in.¡± The smiling deity murmured happily. ¡°Now I gotta sneak out before I bump into your pops¡­ He doesn¡¯t need any more trouble and I¡¯m still not allowed to appear to him.¡± Slowly the tall, slightly goofy man melted into a pool of darker shadows and faded from the little bedroom, leaving no sign that he¡¯d been there at all. ¡°That was creepy.¡± The lad mumbled, before rolling back into the embrace of Mister MacGruber and drifting into normal sleep. # As always, the three Ragamuffins tumbled into Wilf¡¯s bed and quickly crashed out in a snoring heap, exhausted by a day of hard riding, hard rocking and too many late night snacks. ¡°...takoyaki and curried boar¡­¡± Wilf mumbled incoherently in his sleep, as he rolled over, half crushing his brother; who woke up just enough to roll the big lug back over into his spot, before rejoining him in slumber, only slightly disturbed by a faint, lingering vibration or oscillation in the ether. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. # Rio opened his eyes and blinked a few dozen extra times in disbelief. He was standing on the grassy lawn of his childhood playhouse, beneath the eternal void; where he¡¯d once played with his brother, sisters, parents and¡­ ¡°Eponna?¡± He whispered to the tall, glorious woman standing beside the stream that marked the old boundary between the space he¡¯d long ago shared with Amy and Wilf, in their shared dream world of spirits, fae and divines. ¡°Yes, my child¡­ You¡¯ve found your way back to me at last.¡± She gave a decidedly equine sort of delight and shook herself all over, becoming a tall roan mare with ephemeral radiance streaming out from her mane and tail of stars, nebulae and darkness. ¡°We have some little time, darling¡­ run with me while we can, beloved.¡± She saw his hesitation and smiled with maternal pleasure. ¡°Yes, your brother and sisters will appear here when the conditions are right. Your little herd is so closely bonded¡­¡± She whickered an equine giggle of happiness at that. ¡°Sweet Becky returned here some few mortal nights ago, and will be joining us soon. The others are with other beings at the moment¡­ Just as we two are reunited at last.¡± The eternal, glorious night sky rang with Rio¡¯s giddy whoop of excitement, as he lept the stream and vaulted atop the goddess of all horsies for a good long run across a meadow of wildflowers that stretched on forever, or until the swirling pale mists closed in, hiding the horizon¡­ Only the tall prominence and the red roofed, abandoned inn stood above the fog, sullen and dark under the brilliant starlight. # Wilf and lady Brigid shimmered into existence on the vast plain of flowers, near a ring of colossal standing stones and the edge of the dryad forest. Her radiant, blazing warmth and aura of welcome, comfort and rest spread out across the already magnificent vista, bringing a single tear of joy to the big man¡¯s eye. Amy appeared a scant second later, stepping through a rift of shadows that manifested for only a moment, before evaporating away with the low, resonant tone of a brazen temple bell striking the hour. At her ankles, a small white kitten purred insistently and twined himself around and around, sending sweet tinkling music up from the tiny bronze bell on his scarlet silk collar. ¡°Come on! Hop up, Shiro!¡± She called out to the tiny creature and held out her arms, as the kitten leapt into her embrace with a flurry of sweet, chiming music and an adorable ¡®Murrr!¡¯ of joy. Rio and Eponna trotted up a moment later, sweaty, gasping and smiling at his siblings and the gathered friends. Rio vaulted from her back as she manifested her human form; a beautiful woman draped in a flowing gown sewn of the eternal night sky. Eponna embraced Wilf and Amy, pulling them close and snuffling in their hair, just as she always had when they were small. ¡°My sweet foals¡­¡± She blubbered and gushed over them, while Brigid rolled her eyes with sisterly amusement at the mercurial goddess of Swiftness in Motion. ¡°We¡¯re really back¡­¡± Rio muttered from the brassy bosom of the smith goddess who was among the family¡¯s most favored and often Contracted deities. All of the Ward kids had at least an affinity for the warm, motherly, goddess and her homey cult. Gary, Shai, Wilf and Amy all had active and bonded Contracts with the fae deity, while Rio and the four triplets were showing the same crafty, DIY tendencies. ¡°Are Gary and Shai here?¡± He whispered from that comforting, familiar embrace. ¡°No, perhaps soon, but not yet.¡± She cooed into Rio¡¯s tight cap of close cropped black curls. ¡°He was banished from this place, against the will of the current residents and in defiance of its innate nature. Who can say when the strictures will fail in this environment?¡± ¡°So he will be able to return here¡­? Will he be like he was before?¡± Rio asked with a little hope blooming in his voice. ¡°Return here? Certainly, before too many turnings of the season he will find his way here¡­¡± She paused to reflect for a moment. ¡°As to becoming what he once was¡­ No. He is now a living and natural being, if an odd one. The impossibility he was is gone and cannot, must not return to the world of mortals.¡± She announced with the finality of a brazen gong. ¡°The pantheon is united in this. The thing that was done to him is now taboo across the endless expanse of everything, decreed by the Devourer of Souls itself. To create such a thing is forbidden by one who is beyond question.¡± ¡°Whatever did happen to him?¡± Rio asked softly, looking out into the mist shrouded, ever shifting landscape. His eyes picked out what the others couldn¡¯t see; a legion of shadows beyond counting, moving aimlessly in the fog, lost and directionless. Tall forms with the semblance of misty, indistinguishable, dark haired men haunted the endless mists, pausing occasionally to gaze with empty eyes up at the desolate, abandoned inn on the precipice. Rio also found himself looking that way again and again; even during his wild and ecstatic ride across the endless plain of flowers. No matter where they stood, the inn was always within view, lurking at the edge of perception. Waiting. ¡°I suppose that you are developed enough to know¡­ At least as much as can be told within the law.¡± Brigid murmured unhappily. With a wave, she motioned them into a comfy set of chairs and a wide sofa, which had appeared on the lawn, among the standing stones. ¡°Sit, children, I have a dark tale to tell¡­¡± # Gary thrashed and squirmed in his sleep, caught up in one of the unremembered nightmares he¡¯d suffered from for so long. Only for that scant year of wild, heedless Adventure had his sleep been untroubled¡­ largely untroubled. For that year, his dreams had taken him to a private realm between worlds, his own secret domain of unrestrained madness and impossibility¡­ He woke with a sour gut, a dry, cottony mouth of ash and dust, as always. He slipped out of the covers and went down into the workshop, to put his troubles out of mind¡­ and so that Shai¡¯s sleep wouldn¡¯t be disturbed by his thrashing movements and incoherent cries. He sat at the brightly lit workbench with a long, slow sigh and pulled an irregularly shaped object of brass and bronze from a locked drawer that opened at his touch. Whistling softly to himself, the craftsman slowly began disassembling the device, breaking it down into a multitude of tiny parts, each one intricately worked and precisely milled and polished. Cogs, flywheels, armatures, rockers, levers and catchments began to pile up in neat little heaps on his wide worktop. As he worked, shadows gathered around the edges of his basement workshop, shadows became the suggestion of underbrush and the trunks of stately trees in a wide spaced, old growth forest. Hazy, ephemeral shadow birds and insects picked up the tune he was whistling, carrying the music on, in their woodland chorus. Screws, bolts, nuts, tiny jewels and a profusion of ring bearings in sealed housings, greased with exotic monster fats and odder substances joined the organized chaos on his bench, all neatly and carefully sorted spread across his bench. He slowly began assembling the device inside its bright yellow painted, steel housing. With exacting care he installed his object inside the elongated oval shell, clicking and bolting the parts into place with ease. It was deeply satisfying, the feeling of his crafts coming together with precision; he¡¯d been working with Tallum and Shai learning the art and craft of precision milling and machining, now all that work was paying off. He ambled over to the massive bronze safe door set in the basement wall, smiling and whistling a merry tune with his shadow forest friends. The safe door was a real and solid object, looted from the palace of a man who thought he could escape death; through the suffering, murder and torment of others. The lord of that manor had still dwelt there, trapped in his own workings; Gary and his friends had destroyed the lord¡¯s animated armor guardians, looted the house and invaded the horrid laboratory hidden in the depths of the foundations. A magical disaster had caught the nameless mage lord in the midst of one of his blasphemous, tortuous experiments into the nature of life and death, cursing him with an impotent half life, locked in a jar of his own experimental, unholy liquor¡­ waiting to escape. Nesting under that crumbling house, surrounded by the preserved victims of his own wicked magical experiments, the pickled mage had gone beyond mad, wailing deranged obscenities through his artifice and magic. Centuries of impotent waiting in absolute darkness beneath a dead, forgotten town, surrounded by the baleful, accusing eyes of those he had murdered and worse in his selfish quest for immortality was almost enough punishment to satisfy Gary¡¯s fury, almost enough. He never learned the name of the would-be lich lord, preserved in a vat of magical liquor beneath the creaking, half rotten palace; instead he¡¯d destroyed the man¡¯s notes and ledgers unread, and burned the highly flammable corpses in the basement including the lord himself, denying him even the faint immortality of fame for his ¡®magical research¡¯. Unlike most of the furniture, all of the workstations and most of the tools in Gary¡¯s house, the safe was as solid and real as human hands could build, so that it could safely store the contents behind mundane walls and arcane seals. He returned to his workbench a moment later, once the safe was magically sealed and mundanely locked again. He set an object wrapped in an oily rag on the workbench and settled in for the good part. The wide, eager smile on his face didn¡¯t falter even a little as he unwrapped something ominous and terrible, releasing a creeping, half seen, eldritch radiation into the room. Unnamed colors and shapes swirled and twisted among the shadow trees, writhing with terrible, alien grace to the music he whistled and softly sang. My name is John Wellington Wells I''m a dealer in magic and spells¡­ In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses In prophecies Witches and knells¡­ # Up at the count¡¯s palace, things were crowded and a little hectic. Custom and tradition demanded that the noble visitors, especially those who outranked the host, should be housed in the residence of the local lord without fail. That assumed¡­ naturally, that the lord would have the finest of what could be had in the local area. Jaspreet and Abed leaned on the balcony in their pleasant, if humble chamber and sighed wistfully down at the merry little inn by the lake and its brightly lit garden baths. Next door, empress Gabbie murmured a sad little bathtime song, while washing up in a basin of almost tepid water, hauled up to her suite by sweating, grunting, hard working retainers of the count. She held back her tears, as she thought of Shai¡¯s baths¡­ so near, yet so far away. In the great room, things were going just as poorly. With so many nobles, their guardians, retainers and servants jammed into the keep, bunks and beds now filled that cavernous stone chamber. Space was at a premium, quarters were close and tempers were flaring. Worse yet, half of the room¡¯s occupants were jockeying for positions closer to the hearth, despite the warm weather¡­ No one wanted to be nearest to the count¡¯s trophy collection, neatly displayed near the stairs that led up to the nobles¡¯ quarters. Many of the trophies sitting on pedestals and shelves were clearly valuable, yet they were also obviously mementos of battle, rather than aesthetic choices or artistic crafts¡­ A jewel bedecked, horned demon skull sat on a shelf, emitting such a sense of lurking watchfulness and patient malice that few could meet its eyeless gaze for long. A white clay mannikin of simple craft stood beside a small jar filled with glinting, jewel-like, coarse red sand, with a pasted on paper label that bore only one word: ¡®Damsen¡¯. A crystal skull, whose empty eye sockets seemed even more empty than should be possible for an inert stone, sat on a little shelf of its own; above a gigantic, anatomically correct human heart made from a flawed ruby of staggering size¡­ The monstrous thing looked as though it could start beating at any moment, since it was laced with veins of silver and gold, too perfectly intricate and organically imperfect to be the work of human hands. More than one veteran blanched at the sight of the occult and creepy doodads, lying inert and lifeless, now that their occupants were no more. The beds near that little collection of eldritch trinkets remained stubbornly empty, for the same reason that the count had no fear of his shiny oddities being stolen. Anyone mad enough to touch one of those terrible things more than deserved whatever unclean fate they bargained for. Deep in the late watches of the night, the unfortunate servants who found themselves bunking near the collection of oddities were awakened by a sensation of creeping dread. A half dozen restless sleepers sat up in their cots in mortal fear, wide eyed and staring at each other, seeking some reassurance that all was well. Instead, they were treated to a subtle sound and light show, as lingering, lurching shadows stumbled out of a few of the terrible things and silently shambled out the door and down toward the lake. The shades passed through inanimate obstructions, but deftly and carefully avoided contact with the terrified, living folk and their shadows. The things were barely perceptible, unless one awoke beneath their eyeless faces, those featureless forms looming over the former sleepers had shaken them awake very unpleasantly. That was an eye opener that left the unfortunate young men and women shaken, long after the things had departed without doing any apparent harm. ¡°Well, I¡¯m up for the night¡­¡± One of the younger guards muttered unhappily. The guardsman¡¯s complaint was just enough noise to cover the soft sounds of three young sea captains slipping from their bunks and vanishing out the door in near silent pursuit of the shadowy beings. # Ch: 38 Riding Dirty Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 38 Riding Dirty Flitting, silent shadows made their way through the castle town and down to the inn by the lake, largely unremarked. Only three young women followed their progress; a dozen nearly invisible haunts drifting from shadow to shadow, visible only to those who knew where to look and what to look for. Late in the night, few people were active in the palace and even fewer outside the castle town in the wide, half wild waterfront, out beyond the city gate. The gate guards were alert and diligent, noting the three women as they passed out into the town. Yet the darkling haunts had passed without eliciting any sign; save a few uncanny shudders and a creeping sensation of dread that passed over the trio of guards and dispersed a moment after it began. ¡°We¡¯re restless, going out for a late night run¡­¡± The taller of the three sea captains murmured at the gate. Hermione remained for a moment, making their excuses to the oblivious guards, before dashing off into the night after her sisters and their insubstantial quarry. The shades drifted into the inn¡¯s garden without hesitation; while the living women who followed after the things were halted at the low hedge marking the edge of the grounds. They stopped suddenly at the wide gate, barred only by a gaily decorated rope of knotted rags; backed up by some indefinable sense of unwelcomeness and denial. Inside the sprawling compound, encircled by a low hedge, tents and structures were widely scattered among the trees and garden beds. Few people moved about in the late hours of the night and those few paid the scuttling shades no mind at all. All three captains stood at the invisible boundary and silently debated their next step, when a man¡¯s voice interrupted them. ¡°You can go in, just walk through the barrier openly¡­ someone will meet you in a moment or two.¡± The speaker was tall, with dark hair and eyes; his smile was the focus of their attention. So white and bright, his teeth almost seemed to glow in the night¡­ but not in a weird or creepy way; except in all the ways it was really weird and creepy. Somehow the fellow was softly and brightly illuminated, even while standing in the deep moonshadows under a mature fig tree. ¡°What you are sensing is my spiritual nature, ladies¡­ I¡¯m as uncanny as those poor drifting shadows and just as unlikely to do you any harm.¡± He murmured, as he stepped out of the darkness, or where the darkness should have been. The odd fellow seemed to carry his own shaft of moonlight wherever he stood. Even when clouds drifted over the moons, he remained brightly moonlit, smiling at them from across the lane. ¡°What do you want, spirit?¡± Bethany asked warily. ¡°I¡¯m simply watching over my family from beyond¡­ think of me as a household spirit or something.¡± He paused and smiled again. ¡°Ask the kids about their ¡®spooky uncle Ward¡¯ when next you see them. For now, I must awa¡­-¡± A firm and clear voice rang out from inside the garden, not loud, but very crisply spoken. ¡°Ward, are you haunting my invited guests, on our very doorstep?¡± Amy strolled out the gate, dressed in a soft, fluffy one piece footie pajama outfit, embellished to give her the appearance of a fearsome, blue felt dragon. Her dark, smiling face emerged from the whimsical onesie¡¯s hood lending an even more surreal atmosphere to the bouquet of late night mysteries the imperials found themselves holding. ¡°Amy, I¡­¡± Ward began, stuttering and suddenly far less sure of himself. ¡°You wanted to be all spooky and mysterious, then show up in daylight and weird them out¡­¡± She snapped at the stranger across the road. ¡°Girls, this is my uncle Ward¡­ he¡¯s a semi divine being and deeply weird¡­ He also looks just like my papa¡­ who¡¯s also deeply weird. It¡¯s easier if we just say they¡¯re twin brothers.¡± Amy paused, shaking her head in amusement and something darker for a moment at the people gathered at the gate. ¡°I was having the best dream in a long, long time¡­ Now I wanna get back to it.¡± She turned to the moonlit, handsome figure in dark, nondescript clothing and a dark leather long coat. ¡°Ward, you¡¯re always welcome, I don¡¯t care what your friends say.¡± ¡°Well, my ¡®friends¡¯ say I can¡¯t see my brother, or let him see me¡­ so I¡¯ll keep haunting for a while.¡± He sighed sadly, as he faded back into the darkness under the spreading boughs of the wild fig across the road from the inn¡¯s gate. She switched her bright smile to the imperials and nodded at the three. ¡°You¡¯re welcome too, come inside, ladies. The shades you followed here are harmless, don¡¯t worry about them.¡± ¡°Specters and haunts are seldom harmless, Amy.¡± Hemione spoke gently to the girl, suddenly unsure of her own statement, even as it was still coming out of her mouth. ¡°Those shadows are just remnants of my papa¡­ finally coming home.¡± Amy winked, as though at some grand joke. ¡°Nothing for you or anyone else to worry about. I¡¯m glad to finally see them again.¡± She reached out and clasped Bethany and Hermione¡¯s hands, dragging the trio of older women into her lair with a slightly predatory smile on her lips. ¡°It¡¯s bath time for you and I¡¯m off to bed. You¡¯ve never really experienced the baths till you¡¯ve soaked in these¡­ Our parents¡¯ hot spring is something special.¡± # ¡°It really felt like she distracted us from something important¡­¡± Bethany whispered in the steamy, intimate, hotspring pool. ¡°She totally did.¡± Gabbie answered, emerging from the shadows near the waterfall with Jocomo, the Left hand in tow. All three captains immediately froze up, panicked and started trying to genuflect before their empress. Since they were floating in a natural hotspring and completely unprepared for an imperial encounter, it took a minute or two to get them settled down again. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m very impressive and radiant; please stop trying to bow¡­¡± Gabbie insisted for the severalth time¡­ with the same result; only a brief pause before the bobbing, bowing action started over again. ¡°I promise, no one will behead you in this house¡­ Gods know I¡¯ve tried to get the job done¡­¡± Jocomo finally barked; solving the problem for her radiance, who giggled at him and sighed fondly at her assassin and husband. Once the captains were at ease and bobbing along with the empress and her husband, Gabbie picked up her dropped thread of conversation. ¡°Tonight, under this roof, grand things are happening¡­ The divines and spirits are also excited by what we have come to celebrate. You will see many uncanny and strange things in this house, just know that as guests of the Wards, you are safe here; as safe as I am.¡± Jocomo, the dour and fierce final guardian of the empress¡¯ person simply nodded his agreement, seeming satisfied with the security and safety of the strange inn. ¡°Now that we have that out of the way¡­ Tell me your thoughts on what you have seen of these ¡®barbarian lands¡¯ on our journey so far.¡± Gabbie leaned in eagerly and smiled with glee. ¡°I find their culture fascinating!¡± # A thin line of darkness cut across the meadow of wildflowers, before rotating and contorting into a dim, hazy portal of clinging shadowstuff. Amy slipped back into the dream she and her brothers shared again, at long last¡­ again. Smiling widely, she held her arms out to the white kitten that leapt at her before the shadowy portal fully vanished. ¡°What did I miss?¡± Girl and kitten held a brief conversation, before the little white critter climbed onto her shoulder, curled himself around her neck and went to sleep. ¡°Lady Dana remains intractable, as do several other members of the pantheon. She and her coterie wish to see him remain as he is¡­ As do most of the unseelie fae.¡± Marduk lectured, as she strolled back into the group. ¡°The fae don¡¯t get a say in this.¡± Wilf rumbled like distant thunder as he spoke his complaint. ¡°Neither does the rest of the pantheon¡­ It sounds like we just need to fill out his missing Contract and he¡¯ll start to get better.¡± ¡°Sadly, you are only half correct. The pantheon and the fae courts met in council to decide this matter¡­ since he was deemed to be a concern for all immortals, not just the divine.¡± The small, boyish deity answered awkwardly, his eyes fixed on the toes of his golden sandals. ¡°The fae are not without influence, they are one of this world¡¯s native races. Most care not, being focused on their own interests or too alien to grasp the matters under discussion.¡± He smiled fondly at the kids. ¡°Like our old friend Rocky, the spirit of the local mountains. Eternal beings of the land, sea and sky care little for the doings of mortals, most either refused to attend, or abstained, when the council made its decision.¡± ¡°But the unseelie court attended¡­¡± Rio reminded the tiny god, who had been hoping they wouldn¡¯t notice his convenient omission. ¡°Without Morrigan¡¯s controlling influence, they are a fractious and unreliable cohort, but many are adamant that no immortal will be allowed to Contract him.¡± Ducky admitted grudgingly. ¡°The unseelie have always been hostile to man and others of mortal kind, coexisting grudgingly at best. Druids and otherlings they like least of all, since you are the favored pets of the dryads.¡± He smiled again, trying to hide his awkwardness. When the kids failed to react to being called ¡®pets¡¯, his smile firmed up and became genuine. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°The fae beings who are¡­ Let¡¯s say they are most likely to face repercussions for their past behavior from your father; they saw him as an actual threat to their own existence.¡± His smile became glacial as he spoke. ¡°Those beings have been identified and will be receiving my thoughts on the matter in due time.¡± ¡°Repercussions from Papa?¡± Wilf rumbled dangerously. ¡°You mean that they were worried he might come for them next¡­¡± ¡°Many are dangerously aggressive to mortals or even murderous, while others are simply wicked, cowardly and paranoid.¡± Marduk waved his hands and backed away from the furious young man on pure animal instinct, something left over from his unprecedented and uniquely close association with his first mortal friend and former first cultist. ¡°So they do deserve Justice.¡± Wilf muttered, his last word tolling out like a massive temple bell, ringing in the distance and shaking the very ground they stood on. Ipet, goddess of Justice threw back her elegant, beautifully feminine hippo head and laughed so long and hard that the lapis and silver jewels that were her only garments rattled and chimed across her full, nearly bare bosom. ¡°Oh yes¡­ They suspect that even diminished and damaged by their strictures, some remnant of his terrible power might linger¡­ Rumors persist that some few of the undying have vanished from this realm, since his fate was cast by the court of immortals and divines¡­¡± She cut a broad, theatrical wink at the gathered kids and smiled a tusky grin at Wilf. ¡°That is impossible, of course.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± The normally taciturn and quiet lad grumbled angrily at his goddess. ¡°Impossible.¡± He absentmindedly rubbed at the white, puckered snake bite scars on his inner wrist, as a cold and bitter grin spread across his face, displacing his usual warm smile. Amy sat down on a puffball mushroom that appeared just for her and frowned at her divine friend. ¡°Ducky¡­ why don¡¯t you Contract him again?¡± The god shook his immaculate curls sadly and hung his golden head a little, dimming his halo a bit. ¡°If I approached him and he accepted¡­ our relationship would be that of a deity and a humbled supplicant, grasping for his lost power¡­ Power that I am unable to restore.¡± The god¡¯s lips trembled slightly as he spoke, but that was all; big gods don¡¯t cry. ¡°Even if he accepted me, our friendship would quickly wither and die under that stress, which would poison our bond.¡± The tiny god cast his eyes back down to his sandals and sighed. ¡°I have little faith that he would accept me again in any case, even to save his life.¡± Ipet stepped in and waved the kids away from their divine playmate with grand and motherly shooing motions and a gentle smile on her dark red lips. ¡°I see your demands for answers¡­ even here we cannot speak of matters surrounding his purported crimes and current punishments.¡± She sucked her tusks in frustration and glared at the gathered youngsters who were still eager to demand answers to their as yet unspoken questions. ¡°You will further stress Marduk and perhaps draw the attention of other deities to your renewed access to this place, if you insist on asking.¡± With a snap of her fingers, she banished them back into mortal sleep. ¡°We will see you here again, when the time is right.¡± Ipet whispered softly in their ears as they vanished. # An hour after dawn, the kids of Team Ragamuffin, the four Ward triplets, sir Kemal, Dannyl, Becky and Shai were all kitted out in the odd, form fitting, colorful wooden laminate armor suits and helmets they wore when riding their crazy machines. Wide smiles and eager anticipation radiated in waves from the gathered family of weirdos and their comrades. Massive Tallum and tiny Ivy waved from the door of the inn, wearing aprons and smiling happily in anticipation of a quiet day at home, after so long on the roads and waves. The happy throng fell silent when Gary rolled his bike out of the barn and mounted the bright yellow lacquered machine of laminated exotic and enchanted hardwoods, spun steel and bronze. His blazing yellow lacquered bike armor and ecstatic smile hushed the gathered family and friends when he joined the formation, ringing his cheery bike bell in the cool, clear morning. Her fool man had the smile of slightly mad excitement on his face that said he was about to forget his limitations and do himself an injury, once more. It was deeply sad, watching him struggle, trying desperately to keep up with the friends and family that he once led from the front. Now his once boundless energy was a feeble trickle, despite his vastly improved physical condition. The tattered remnants of his severed Contract with the now defunct god of Secrets continued to ground out his Mana pool, dumping most of the energy out into the world in an imperceptible torrent of undirected mystical radiation. Any use of his native gifts and talents, even unconscious effects that he was powerless to control, would send his pitiful Mana reserves into free fall, leaving him a wheezing, semi conscious wreck for days. A soft moan of distress came from Shai¡¯s throat, until Wilf hugged her close, leaning over his bike. ¡°He¡¯ll be ok¡­ he just gets excited, sometimes¡­¡± The others all had awkward looks on their faces and shifty eyes, so Becky strode up and leaned close to her weird younger, older and once more younger brother from another world. ¡°You always get sad and angry when you can¡¯t keep up¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Let¡¯s go riding together, just you, me and Kermal¡­ we¡¯ll cruise the roads and see the sights¡­¡± ¡°Not this time, Becks.¡± He answered firmly, and patted the elongated oblate, bright yellow metal shell mounted in his bike¡¯s frame¡­ right where one of his Ringmotors? would sit. ¡°This baby is gonna get me back in the game.¡± ¡°You know your Mana runs out even faster when you spend your Stamina, brother.¡± She whispered again, leaning closer. ¡°Are you ok? Do you need Kree to sting you¡­ Or did she already?¡± The young priestess peered at his eyes, searching for signs of intoxication. ¡°She gets a little venom happy when she thinks you¡¯re in pain and hiding it from her¡­¡± ¡°Nope, I¡¯m fine. This is something new¡­ top secret and super unstable. That¡¯s why it¡¯s painted danger yellow.¡± He giggled madly. ¡°That and it¡¯s unique. The vital components and materials will never be available again.¡± He sighed just a little sadly. ¡°A new motor design?¡± Wilf demanded from the stationary proto peloton. ¡°Forget it Wilf, this is a dead end. I¡¯ll show you the design and materials list when we get back.¡± He promised ruefully. ¡°Let¡¯s get some dirt on these shiny bikes.¡± Without further discussion, he hit a small lever on his left handgrip and took off; leaving the gathered crowd in the dust of his silent passage. The gathered friends gave a collective shrug and pedaled off after their pet loon, chasing him down Foresthome¡¯s wide, level roads, headed for the foothills and rugged peaks that rose nearby. Game trails, farm tracks, long forgotten mine roads and any number of footpaths created by the new residents of the widely scattered and thinly populated valley created a wonderland for the pack of riders. At every turn and over every rise new challenges and thrills were waiting to be experienced¡­ at high speed. Wilf, Shai, and Amy were always at the forefront, hurtling around bends and over obstacles with fearless and joyful whoops of delight. Kermal, Becky, Rio followed close behind, with the rest stringing out along the trail or riding in pairs at speeds that were more sensible. Shai, Amy and Wilf always took the lead on downhill runs; but when it was time to climb, Gary and his enigmatic machine ground their merciless way to the head of the pack every single time. His silent gears and pitiless smile of superiority as he cruised by were just the worst. He would wait patiently at the top of each ascent, then follow the last exhausted, battered rider on the downhill, taking his time and finishing a few seconds after everyone else. The crazy bastard wasn¡¯t even sweaty. Two hours in, perched on a narrow meadow beside a waterfall, halfway up a steep valley wall, following a winding and very excitingly technical trail; Shai called for a break. A scant three dozen yards from a granite shoulder of bare mountain, the meadow plunged off into a wild, boulder strewn forest slope. A small waterfall and a deep, cold pool fed the stream that plunged over the edge not far from where the riders stopped, sprawling to the lush, early summer grasses and soft loam in utter exhaustion. ¡°Gods an spirits lad, are ye tireless again? As ye once were?¡± She demanded, when they all formed up near the icy cold mountain stream to wash up. While she interrogated him, she bustled about with Becky, Wilf and Amy, laying out a picnic lunch in the sunny meadow, around the corner from the little waterfall and its deep, crystal clear pool of icy water. ¡°Nahh, this motor design will only work for me and only because I had access to a small amount of a unique metal¡­ we¡¯ll call it Unobtanium.¡± He sighed, seated on the turf, his back resting against his machine; the very picture of a man at his ease and in good health. ¡°I smelted down and reforged a metal vessel that once contained Victor Frankensien junior, my friend, the hollow one. That special, highly magical iron was the key component for the mainspring that drives this motor. There won¡¯t be any more of those, so there won¡¯t be another of these.¡± He patted the yellow metal ostrich egg mounted in his bike and sighed. ¡°It¡¯s a total cheat. When I brake on the downhill runs, it stores all that energy, then just sips at my Mana and Stamina until that energy source is discharged. There¡¯s a tiny warp engine inside that runs on my innate radiation to keep tightening the mechanism up, like the one that powers Amy¡¯s boat, but even smaller.¡± She ignored his nonsense, while she laid out fresh towels, a blanket and a set of clean, dry underlayers for both her bike armor and his on the mossy shore. The perks of marrying a mad craftsman were many and varied, at the risk of having to listen to his incomprehensible explanations of his wondrous inventions. She hummed softly as she continued her work, arranging everything to her liking. All in all she was more than satisfied with her bargain¡­ ¡°So in effect, it¡¯s almost a perpetual motion machine that constantly builds up potential energy, drawn directly from the rift in the void attached to me¡­¡± She grabbed him by his shoulders, dragged him to his feet and kissed her fool, since he was still going on and on. He hadn¡¯t noticed when the rest of the company had caught Shai¡¯s unsubtle vibe and slunk away, giggling and twittering among themselves; to enjoy lunch in the nearby meadow, leaving the pair entirely alone and unobserved. He perked up when he felt her use his own gift to vanish his armor and underlayers away into his non dimensional storage. A moment later, her warm, strong arms surrounded him and pitched them both into the icy pool with a shared, wild giggle of glee flying from their still conjoined lips. # ¡°This is turning out to be a pretty long lunch¡­¡± Dannyl remarked mildly, from behind his easel and paints. ¡°Cram it Danny, they need this.¡± Becky barked cheerfully at her ginger brother. ¡°You wanted an excuse to draw rude pictures anyway.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a caricturist, Becky. I capture the essence of the moment and reveal the truth with a cunning blend of allegory and humor.¡± He sneered at the dusky priestess, with an obvious twinkle of amusement in his eyes. ¡°Gods I¡¯ve missed arguing with you like this¡­¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ it¡¯s been too long and for no good reason¡­¡± She fell silent when Shai and Gary appeared; looking freshly bathed, with ruddy pink faces and damp hair. ¡°Uhh¡­ Yeah, landscapes are my new thing¡­¡± The young ginger artist stammered weakly, while too casually placing a fresh canvas over his current work. He very quickly and unsubtly began swishing his brush across the blank surface, sketching in the mountain peaks across the valley. ¡°More naughty drawings, Dan?¡± Gary asked with a much aggrieved sigh. ¡°Nope! Like I was just telling Becks, I¡¯ve been stretching as an artist, working on the fundamentals¡­¡± Dannyl lied infrequently, but ably and well; his glib, affable smile and handsome features almost always sold whatever he was selling at the moment. These people knew him of old, however. Gary ambled over and rudely snatched the nearly blank canvas away, revealing the work in progress. Two chubby, chibi, cartoon people were nude and grappling in a crystalline mountain cataract, captured in a moment of fumbling and inexpert carnal activity. The pudgy, even featured and unremarkable man was balanced on a single toe, planted insecurely on a mossy river stone, an instant from an embarrassing pratfall. The poor fool had his pants down and his arms flung wide, bare bottom displayed to the viewer in a deeply embarrassing pose that revealed far too much for decency; while just barely concealing the exact details, managing to avoid obscenity by only a few delicate brush strokes¡­ She leered hungrily from the depths, her hand reaching up to trip him into the pool, bearing the comic aspect of a fierce and ravenous, mythical aquatic predator. Her cartoon modesty was maintained by only a few strands of water weed and a floating hyacinth, as she waited to pounce, with lust in her eyes. Unbeknownst to the oblivious and comic subjects, from behind every stone, tree and shrub, leering faces stared out, smiling in wicked and prurient delight at the naughty goings on below them in the water. ¡°I¡¯m calling it Midsummer Mermaid¡­ it¡¯s a working title.¡± Dannyl muttered lamely, now that he was caught. ¡°You suck, bro.¡± The bigger man sighed warmly, as he crushed the artist in an almost painful hug. ¡°We were kinda asking for it.¡± He smiled over at his lady love, who was working hard to create the illusion that she wasn¡¯t paying attention to their antics by the easel. ¡°Well, Shai was asking for it¡­ I was innocently explaining my new motor design when she was suddenly all over me¡­¡± Iron hard fingers gripped his ear in that familiar way she had, tugging gently¡­ just enough to let him know how badly he¡¯d goofed up and how hard he would have to work to make it up to her. ¡°I¡¯ll wear the shortie shorts tonight lover¡­¡± He whispered in her ear, with a wicked grin on his lips. ¡°Ohh, ye will earn some extra credit then¡­¡± She sighed happily when he folded her into an embrace by the roadside. ¡°Or do ye plan sumat else tae vex me?¡± ¡°I never plan to vex you, darling¡­ I¡¯m just naturally talented.¡± He murmured into her curly, coppery hair. # They took a careful and safe route down the mountainside, back onto the valley floor and its network of level, smooth roads of baked clay. Or at least most of the exhausted riders did. Shai and Team Ragamuffin split off and rejoined the group regularly, as they followed Dannyl¡¯s quietly roaring machine down the complex and organic network of goat trails and narrow tracks that meandered through the highland forest valley. Only Wilf and Shai could keep up with the wild and enthusiastic ginger lad and his enchanted chain engine. Sixth bell was chiming from the town when the gang rolled back into the inn yard, filthy, sweaty and exhausted almost beyond human speech. ¡°Happy birthday, kids.¡± Gary whispered to his four triplets, Wilf, Rio and Amy as they all drifted limply, hand in hand in the bath. # Ch: 39 One Too Many Or One Too Few Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 39 One Too Many Or One Too Few Captain Elaine woke slowly and peacefully, with the sun streaming in through a porthole. There were dryland birds singing and chattering and the water was as still as glass, but she was aboard a ship, at least. That child in the silly blue dragon pajamas had assigned them quarters on the little trader, Moonrise; where she was now moored to a dock in this wide, deep, mountain lake. She dressed and ducked out into the companionway finding her sisters¡¯ doors still closed. She brewed coffee in the well stocked galley and waited for just a few minutes, before the groggy women staggered out of their bunks; heeding the dark siren¡¯s call in grand naval tradition. ¡°Morning¡­¡± They croaked in unison, experiencing the sense of lassitude that a good night¡¯s rest after a long journey can create. ¡°It¡¯s best we ignore how this vessel came to sail these waters¡­¡± Elaine muttered, once her fellow captains were properly coffeed and ready to start facing the day. ¡°Say no more.¡± Bethany muttered sourly. ¡°I feel a little dizzy, when I think of just how high up we are¡­¡± ¡°Ohh, gods and spirits, sweet empress of Light¡­ I hadn¡¯t thought of that¡­¡± Hermione muttered crossly. ¡°It seems solid enough, I suppose¡­¡± She glared out of the wide galley hatch at the expanse of the lake and the snow capped mountains rising high above, in the near distance. All three fell silent, as they held their mugs and contemplated that alien vista, so different from what they had known so far. Their reverie was shattered by Gabriella Rex, empress of Light and their sworn ruler, when she popped her smiling face into the hatch and waved at them. ¡°Good morning captains!¡± Her deep brown chocolatey cheeks dimpled in a manner too adorable to fit the ruler of uncounted loyal subjects and giggled. ¡°Our hosts are away, riding their mad machines for the pleasure of it, so Joco and I will be exploring the city and grounds with you today.¡± The empress¡¯ left hand carried a lidded wooden pail in his hands and a sack over his shoulder, as he clambered through the hatch with her imperial radiance following right after. The empress stepped into the galley and relieved her husband of his burdens, unpacking a set of lacquerware boxes in the traditional style. With brisk efficiency that could only be born of long practice, the empress opened the pail of hot, seasoned and lightly vinegared rice and began filling bowls. Her colorful containers opened to reveal boiled and salted soybeans, pickled radish, carrot and cabbage salad, fresh plum tomatoes, poached eggs enveloped in delicate dumpling wrappers and salt grilled lake trout. All three women and the assassin gasped in delight at their first taste of the familiar foods of home in so many days, while the empress smiled at them smugly. ¡°Even so far from home, little comforts can still be found, if one is willing to search them out.¡± She declared with deep satisfaction. ¡°Don¡¯t believe her¡­¡± The muscular imperial assassin mumbled between bites, while making an abominably rude pinchy gesture at his wife with his chopsticks. ¡°She found most of these things in the kitchen of that mad witch¡¯s inn. He¡¯s intolerable, but does seem to understand the basics of hospitality.¡± ¡°Jocomo!¡± Her radiance huffed and glared at her husband in feigned outrage, but her smile widened even more when he sniffed at her and winked. ¡°We¡¯re in barbarian lands¡­ silly woman.¡± He barked, as though speaking to the farm wife of some backwoods smallholding. Somewhere nearby, someone grunted in appalled outrage and then squawked in surprise. A heartbeat later, something massive landed on the aft deck, just out of view with a loud, metallic clatter. ¡°Sir Dermaptera, I left strict instructions with lady Scorpion¡­ I will be accompanied by my husband and the good captains today. You and the other Whispers are to take the day off.¡± The empress spoke calmly and formally, reinstating his title and erasing the hated ¡®earwig¡¯ appellation with her declaration, drawing a gasp of pleasure from the as yet unseen armored retainer lurking outside. ¡°We will discuss how a highly trained imperial whisper managed to fall from the rigging of a moored ship, at a later date¡­¡± Jocomo called to the unseen warrior, just to deflate him a little. ¡°Yes, Lord Jocomo¡­¡± The meek and embarrassed reply drifted in through the open hatch, followed by the sounds of an armored man departing the ship in some haste. ¡°Eat up, I¡¯ll show you around the inn and garden, then we will explore the town!¡± Her girlish giggle brought smiles to the entire galley table, even her usually somber husband¡¯s stoney features. Out on the lake side, the town was quiet and almost tranquil, even with so many Adventurers, warriors, friends and relations staying on the inn¡¯s grounds. Tents and pavilions of every description stood on widely scattered lawns, surrounded by well groomed fruit and shade trees, garden beds and flower arbors. Even in simple bowers under the trellises and trees, bedrolls and cots were all over the place. A steady stream of people moved in and out of the place, almost all bore the look of Adventurers of some kind, even the beastkin that seemed to be everywhere. Feline, canine, ursine and mustelids were everywhere in the outlying wards and even in the town itself. They bustled and traded, hawked wares and drove carts laden with early produce into the busy market. Even a few of the very rare bat folk were around, wearing wide, shady hats and with smoked lenses over their sensitive eyes and earmuffs protecting their ears from the ruckus of daylight dwelling folks. They draped their leathery wings around themselves as cloaks, but were obviously unusual anyway. The imperials found themselves staring at the bat kin and goggling openly, awash in too many new things to realize that their shared incredulity was intensely rude. ¡°The bat folk seldom come out in the daytime¡­ but they are simply mortal people, living their lives¡­¡± The rich, warm voice was smooth and confident, carrying the speaker¡¯s smile of amusement audibly, somehow. The dark clad, improbably handsome man from the night before stood beside the imperials, gently scolding the empress herself. ¡°My regrets, Ward¡­¡± Gabbie muttered unhappily, as she sketched an apologetic bow to the leather winged men and women. ¡°They are often persecuted, or even killed when men encroach on their homes¡­ They are commonly mistaken for monsters when they fly in the moonlight.¡± He sighed wistfully. ¡°Theirs is the power of flight¡­ so it works out, I suppose.¡± ¡°Flight¡­¡± Gabbie whispered softly. ¡°Yes¡­ the power of flight is truly remarkable¡­ My brother and I have both flown through the sky on wings of human artifice on the world we came from¡­ perhaps that is why we both took on flying familiars when we arrived here¡­¡± He murmured quietly to himself. ¡°I gather that almost no one bonds with flying creatures here.¡± The tall man in the long leather coat that was strangely reminiscent of the batkin¡¯s own wing cloaks, led the embarrassed visitors away into the market: after smiling and nodding an apology at the subjects of the imperial gaze. ¡°Would you mind terribly if I were to guide you through the town? I promised the birthday girl that she and her friends would get to meet some humans and other folks.¡± He turned his head slightly revealing the tiny, bright red and gold wasp girl clinging to his neck. ¡°Mariah, Kree, Sasha, meet my sister, Gabbie and her friends.¡± A small golden and black girl in insect armor with dazzling jewel wings clung to his other ear, while an enormous dark moth shifted and rustled for a better view inside his coat. Mariah and Kree waved cheerfully from their perches, while the moth slipped farther inside the man¡¯s shadowy coat. ¡°Sasha is a little shy, in daylight.¡± He muttered apologetically. ¡°Are they really¡­ Dryads?¡± Jocomo asked warily, eying the strange man with suspicion. ¡°You are that other Gary Ward, aren¡¯t you¡­?¡± ¡°No, only Mariah is a dryad.¡± He answered cooly, while Gabbie shushed and scolded her bluff, plainspoken husband. ¡°And yes, I¡¯m Ward, his brother, in a way¡­¡± His smile widened and became warmer when he addressed the empress. ¡°That makes Gabbie my sister and you¡­¡± His gaze chilled rapidly when it fell back on the smaller man. ¡°That makes you the guy who tried to kill my brother three times¡­ I don¡¯t usually allow anyone to survive that once.¡± With the mercurial swiftness only the mad possess, the man¡¯s attitude warmed and the pall of dread and uncanny malice he was emitting drifted away on the summer breeze. ¡°I suppose you¡¯re my brother in law!¡± He chirped merrily before becoming distracted. ¡°Ohh, look! A dumpling stand!¡± # For such a small town, there was much to see. The largest smithy in town was run by two giant ginger twin brothers and their team of apprentices, raising a mighty clatter and rumble that dominated the commerce and craft district. A rushing cataract from the mountainside powered a series of waterwheels, driving the mills and tools of the ward. Their guide insisted that the imperial party should see the innovative water driven tools that kept the place rumbling along. Beaver and muskrat folk dominated the sawmill, it was a well known stereotype¡­ but an herbivorous aquatic mammals¡¯ gotta make a living and when one is born with certain skill sets and interests¡­ By the same token, a small clan of otters were running a fish market near the gate, selling freshwater clams, mussels, crabs and snails, along with crayfish and actual freshwater fish of course. Their sleek and lithe forms often wriggled with excitement when they gleefully haggled and negotiated with their customers. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Kids of every kind romped and goofed on the wide greensward around the city gate, playing complicated foot games with small balls of knotted rags or tossing wooden disks that floated lazily through the sky as if held aloft by magic. Kids buzzed around on the ¡®skates¡¯ and ¡®scooters¡¯ that had become fashionable among wealthy children in the upper quarters of the empire¡­ Here, the children flew around on those remarkable toys seemingly regardless of social class. Hunters and farmers rubbed shoulders with crafters and merchants in the bustling pre festival throng, as the busy little town got moving in the warm sunshine. ¡°I spent a little time bumming around the corners of your empire¡­ not too much; I don¡¯t have any cultists there yet.¡± He grinned ruefully at the empress, her consort and the three captains. ¡°Your society is very rigid and rejects new things by default¡­ and that¡¯s why I wanted you to see this busy, modern little community. This is what you guys are missing.¡± He waved at the bustle of humans and others, carrying on with their daily lives in the little frontier town. From there, it was off to the small temple district, housing a number of shrines to gods familiar and new. Only Healer, Joy and Knowledge had actual temples, though all but Healer¡¯s remained under construction to one degree or another. He led the little party from one shrine to another; visiting the four wind dragons¡¯ little pagoda, Thirp¡¯s spider webbed shrine and lace draped altar and Eponna¡¯s marvelous statue, carved from a single massive log of the local giant redwood. The deep red wooden mare seemed almost alive, rearing in joyous challenge to the sky. Ward led them under the boughs of a towering golden fig tree, trained to grow up and over a narrow lane leading off the temple square and into a small park that was even more thoroughly tree shaded than the rest of the largely forested town. Under the tall, whispering trees, they felt the gaze of the forest primeval running down their spines¡­ a sense of something deeply profound and wise watching from the shadows beneath the leaves. ¡°This is a druid¡¯s grove, unique in the world¡­ at the moment. Only when a druid settles down and truly makes a place their home can these conditions arise.¡± Ward whispered softly. ¡°Here, under these boughs, as in ancient times, the fae can interact with the mortal world more easily.¡± He spread his dark leather coat, releasing the creatures hidden inside out into the parkland, before his coat also took wing. The garment flapped and fluttered, in the form of a vast, immaterial shadow bat taking flight from his shoulders. ¡°Go play with the ladies, girls¡­ I need to talk with these mortals.¡± The moth, bat and winged insect girls vanished into the undergrowth amidst a vast, feminine chorus of joyful greetings. A truly startling number of voices raised in happy cries that seemed to drift to the human¡¯s ears from a very great distance; as though a distant, enormous crowd of women were cheering the appearance of a beloved friend. The man turned back to the mystified imperials and smiled at Gabbie in particular. ¡°You¡¯re our sister in a lot of ways, but the pantheon sees you very differently than any of us¡­ than the Ward family, I mean. That means I can speak more freely, without the other divines getting all salty and butthurt.¡± ¡°So you really claim to be a deity¡­ The new god of death and vengeance¡­¡± Jocomo demanded sharply. ¡°Yuppers. In the not exactly flesh. Outside this grove, without the presence of one of my mortal kin; like the Wards or empress Gabbs here, I¡¯m mostly intangible. Most of the time in the mortal world I¡¯m an illusion of Will, shadow and moonlight.¡± He yawned and stretched in the shady grove, smiling even more brightly, if that was possible. ¡°Why have you brought us here?¡± Elaine demanded hotly. ¡°Is this some plot or scheme?¡± ¡°Not at all, I promised to bring the girls to visit the rest of the dryads and I needed to introduce myself, before things get complicated and I wanted to explain some of these concepts to you, before the whole gang comes crashing down on you¡­ they are a lot to take in all by themselves.¡± # Count Liam watched the kids ride out, heading for the mountains, from the windows of the palace¡­ They pedaled out onto his trails¡­ Without him. A sigh breezed past his lips, poorly hidden behind his coffee mug. He turned his attention back to duke Mubarak and his family, who were perfect guests, following tradition and custom with exacting thoroughness. ¡°...We¡¯ve arranged some entertainments and exhibitions of local arts and crafts¡­¡± Tawny was explaining with real excitement, all the tiresome and dull things she¡¯d planned for the festival and their noble visitors¡­ those not too exhausted by the rigors of travel. Duke Rummel and duchess Fernlowe had the good taste to make feeble excuses, claiming to be exhausted by their journey, before sneaking out to enjoy the festivities in common garb, a giggling noble foursome with their spouses. The imperials had simply dipped out in the night, escaping to the inn by the waterside through some stealthy means that infuriated the Whispers, when they discovered their monarch¡¯s escape. The noble house Mubarak held fast to tradition¡­ No matter how terrifyingly bored the duke and the two children seemed at the prospect. ¡°...Census data and a detailed report on local crop yields¡­¡± Tawny was enthusiastically telling her mother, Celeste Belen and beloved auntie Jaspreet, who seemed enthralled by the prospect of pouring over a heap of dull government forms. ¡°Beloved wife¡­ I should perhaps take the children and get them some exercise¡­¡± Abed coughed and blushed at his own colossal rudeness to his hosts, but just listening to the itinerary had numbed his mind. ¡°Capital Idea¡­¡± Count Liam pounced on that opening like a starving dog on a plump roasted chicken. ¡°If the duchess will allow me to steal away her family for the day¡­¡± Across the breakfast table, Rolf, Angie and Ester leapt into the slim chance at escape the duke of Shiraz had created. ¡°Yes, count Liam¡­ We would be pleased to accompany you on a tour of the palace grounds and the city¡­ a very extensive, mounted tour, if you would.¡± ¡°Oh dear¡­¡± Tawny muttered unhappily. ¡°Well, I guess we three will have to spend the day in a garden bower, sipping tea very demurely, as we await your return from your adventures.¡± The sounds of chairs being evacuated by young people filled the room, as the breakfast table emptied rapidly. ¡°A scandalous breach of noble etiquette¡­ but I suppose that on the frontier such atrocious behavior might go unreported.¡± Celeste scolded the escaping guests, from the golden heights of her lofty position. A moment after the doors closed behind the retreating noble ne¡¯er do wells, Celeste sighed and smiled at Tawny and Jaspreet. ¡°Let¡¯s wait a few minutes before we head to the stables¡­ it would be embarrassing if we all met back up there.¡± ¡°Gods and spirits, yes!¡± Tawny enthused. ¡°If we get caught by my chamberlain, we might have to actually review those crop reports. The man is a tyrant!¡± Coun Liam rode out on his remarkable, floral mount, with the Mubarak children gleefully clinging on behind him, flanked by Rolf and Angie riding double on Ester and duke Mubarak himself, on a fine palfrey mare from the Belen stables. The knot of happy riders vanished down a country lane in mere moments. Twenty minutes later, three more noble ladies trotted out of the now quite empty stables, headed out into the far flung, shady town. They rode in a loose group, accompanied by Runningtree and Larksong; two doughty veteran Adventurers from a fringe tribe that had a very casual attitude towards the nobility and a long, close relationship with the count and his wife. They roamed the wards and districts, riding under the trees and pausing to rest their mounts when anything interesting appeared; interesting usually meant something tasty. ¡°Lark, what is this meat filling?¡± Duchess Jaspreet asked with delight, once she had licked her fingers and wiped them on her homespun skirts in a very un-duchess-like manner. ¡°Freshwater stone snail¡­ They are common in the deep parts of the lake.¡± She answered while juggling her own hot frybread and gastropod sandwich from the stall by the road. ¡°They are a local delicacy.¡± ¡°Snail meat¡­¡± Celeste asked around her own meaty mouthful. ¡°We¡¯re eating snail?¡± ¡°Mother¡­ you have enjoyed several meals at Shai¡¯s house¡­¡± Tawny began very delicately. ¡°They are Adventurers, you know¡­¡± The golden duchess paused in the street, one hand clutching the rough skirts of worsted wool her daughter had dressed her in, the other gripping that damnably tasty snailwitch that was still tempting, even after learning its terrible secret. ¡°Tawny¡­ what did you let your friends feed me?¡± She demanded sharply. ¡°Was it¡­ monster¡­?¡± ¡°Yes, mother¡­ it was. Monsters of every kind; bugs, leeches, snakes, shellfish and worms.¡± She smiled wanly at her outraged mother and shook her head. ¡°I thought you knew¡­ all this time¡­¡± She whispered in awe. ¡°Papa never told you what you were enjoying?¡± ¡°No, daughter¡­ he did not.¡± She spoke very coldly on such a warm and pleasant day. ¡°Your father and I will be discussing that at length, when I return to Wheatford.¡± ¡°Gods above and below, mother¡­ every time you and papa have a quarrel, I get another little brother or sister!¡± Tawny huffed at her mother; whose glare of frosty outrage had become something much warmer and hungrier, as she contemplated what form her revenge on her duke might take. ¡°Silly girl¡­ if you quarreled with that delicious Liam of yours a little more, I might have a grandchild by now!¡± The duchess of Wheatford purred at her deeply embarrassed daughter, while Jaspreet giggled childishly. ¡°I¡¯ll have you know, we had a frightful argument a few weeks ago, mother. Your impatience and constant demands will be rewarded by next spring.¡± Tawny scolded her mother right back, just as fondly. ¡°Don¡¯t spread it around, mother, we are waiting until after the festival to make any announcements.¡± ¡°Who could I possibly pass this news to, daughter, from this wild hinterland of yours?¡± She sighed happily, leaning close to hug her daughter and oldest friend, while the horses and sweet Magnus, Tawny¡¯s pony and companion since childhood, cropped the undergrowth nearby. # ¡°What¡¯s that, girl?¡± A compact man in finely wrought traveling leathers and a billowing cloak asked his gigantic mount. ¡°Tawny and Liam? Having a baby?¡± A woman¡¯s scarred features emerged from the voluminous folds of the horseman¡¯s dust cloak with an eager and ecstatic smile on the mobile side of her face. ¡°A baby?¡± Luna demanded sharply. ¡°Why are we only just learning this now?¡± ¡°Lady Eponna is the goddess of horses and swiftness in motion¡­ not gossip.¡± He replied archly, before kissing his wife on the moon tattoo on her acid burned side and settling her back into their custom tandem saddle, onto his lap. ¡°We¡¯ll be in sight of town by tomorrow morning.¡± Khan muttered to his wife and horse, a wide smile of pleasure peeking out from behind his large and splendidly waxed mustache. # As the evening closed in over Foresthome, an eclectic blend of friends and family began collecting in the big outdoor hotspring pool. ¡°So, who¡¯s still up at the palace?¡± Count Liam asked, as he took a careless census of the steamy pool. ¡°Pretty much just retainers and servants?¡± ¡°I told them to fend for themselves tonight, husband.¡± Tawny tried for a mildly disappointed tone, the kind she could use on her new son, when he arrived. ¡°Elsewise our poor cook would be tearing his hair out with worry, and the chamberlain from fretting over the wasted food. ¡°Twas ever a woman¡¯s burden tae bear, the thinkin¡¯ an plannin¡¯ o the household.¡± Shai agreed with a pleased smile on her lips; while gently drowning her husband and Wilf, silencing their heartfelt defense of mankind. Rio was wise enough to keep his thoughts on the matter to himself, at least while he was within reach of any of the womenfolk. Wilf bobbed to the top a few moments later, smiling and chuckling to himself, while pretending to be deeply offended. Eventually Gary¡¯s hand rose to the surface and slapped the water three times, ¡®tapping out¡¯ to signify yet another victory for Shai and her team. She hauled the soggy minstrel up and gave him a good punishment kissing for his temerity and obstinance, drawing catcalls from the gathered friends and kin. ¡°The girls will be landing in a moment¡­¡± He mumbled happily, once his lips were free. ¡°Kree is coming in hot with Sasha and Mariah.¡± As he spoke, a sputtering, sizzling firework erupted over the baths, dropping a single ember that drifted down slowly, to land in the center of the pool with a soft, exhausted hiss. ¡°I¡¯m tired¡­ Who¡¯s got candy?¡± Mariah demanded imperiously, as the moth and wasp girls fluttered home in a more subdued manner. # Once more Barry was snatched from his mortal dreams, drawn out into the beyond, by the insistent golden light of lady Dana, the balm in man¡¯s suffering. He barely alighted registered her presence, as Amy, Wilf, Rio, Larry, Perry and Harry all arrived beside him. They stood on a wide granite precipice, surrounded by that same dismal white fog layer, hiding the land below, if there even was land below the pinnacle jutting through the clouds. The world of mortal dreams below them was unimportant; or so the beaming, radiant figure standing among the stars, beside the moon seemed to silently declare. Around her floated a half dozen lesser lights, her immortal followers. Caduceus the physician, Baba Yaga, immortal witch of the deep forests and others lingered around adding their divine weight to her demand. ¡°You six mortals have been very obstinate and disobedient! this ends¡­¡± She paused mid speech, when a shimmering silver figure drifted closer and whispered in her ear. ¡°Speak up Arimed¡­ I¡¯m scolding some silly mortals right now but that requires only the barest fragment of my attention.¡± The golden deity sighed. ¡°I have so much on my plate¡­¡± ¡°Seven mortals are present, divine one¡­¡± The slim silver figure said weakly to the greater deity. ¡°They brought an extra, the extra one is unripe¡­ by a full turning of the mortal seasons, my lady.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be foolish, there¡¯s simply no way¡­¡± The vast, elegant figure of shimmering golden light ran her blazing, eternal eyes over the little cluster of mortals, trembling before her awe inspiring grace and radiance. She moaned softly, as she took a head count of the annoyed and amused kids. She counted twice and kept landing on Harry, who smiled and gave her a cheeky little wave. ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Harry Ward, you must be the goddess that has it in for my dad¡­¡± An evil and devious grin spread over his face, as he considered his current position. ¡°I¡¯m only just turning fourteen and I already don¡¯t want to have anything to do with you.¡± ¡°Lord Marduk is already insufferable¡­¡± With a heartfelt sigh Dana shrank down to human size, landing before the Wards, dressed in the robes of a common cultist of the Healer. ¡°When he hears about this he¡¯s certainly going to squawk to Joy!¡± # Ch: 40 Don’t Call Me Frankenstein Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 40 Don¡¯t Call Me Frankenstein In a hazy, steamy, dreamy, summer celebration by moonlight, anything can happen. When the attention of the divine becomes fixed on an event, a strange alchemy can result, loosening old preconceptions and relaxing some rigidly held ideas¡­ Or, at least, that was how Jaspreet explained to duke Abed Mubarak, how he and his family wound up sleeping in a leafy bower beneath a willow tree. She¡¯d whispered her excuses in his ear when he woke, jostled by her escape to answer nature¡¯s call. Cozy blankets and fluffy pillows, balanced against the soothing night sounds of the moonlit garden created a lovely night¡¯s rest¡­ In the mad witch¡¯s garden; rather than in their admittedly less comfortable chambers in the count¡¯s palace. A warm and tranquil half hour later, Abed sighed a little as he wriggled from beneath his blissfully sleeping children, headed for the jakes as well. Nearby in a cozy little nook behind a hedge, stood a small, clapboard hut with an ill fitted door. Weathered and long unpainted, its purpose was revealed by the sickle moon crudely sawed in the door planks. With a forlorn sigh, the duke stepped into the shithouse and found¡­ a simple, clean and hygienic chamber with a pit toilet and a basin with running water, lit by a magical glowstone set in the ceiling. Since it lacked the usual stench, the duke dared a glance into the abyss. At the bottom of the pit lay a grayish felted mass¡­ some kind of roots or filaments. The only smell was of clean damp earth and forest mushrooms. Mubarak had ridden on campaign and lived the traveling life before; these facilities held no terrors for a well traveled lord of the realm. With the confidence of a warrior born, he dropped his trews and prepared the morning¡¯s ducal decree. A high pitched, startled scream of fright sent the doves winging into the predawn light, while Jaspreet sipped her tea on the patio with Gary and Shai. ¡°Perhaps I should have warned Mubsie about the bidet function in your silly outhouses¡­¡± She wondered idly aloud. ¡°Sounds like he¡¯s discovered it for himself.¡± Liam yawned, with a very sleepy looking Tawny leaning on him, half draped over his shoulder. ¡°Where do you keep the coffee mugs?¡± ¡°In your hands, bro.¡± Gary mumbled through an annoying smirk. When the count looked down at his suddenly full hands, he had a simple ceramic coffee mug dangling by the handle from every finger on both hands. ¡°It¡¯s good to be home¡­ brother.¡± He sighed, while he deposited first the double fistful of mugs on the table, then his still mostly sleeping wife onto a cushioned porch swing nearby. ¡°Good to have you home¡­ both of you.¡± He sighed happily. It¡¯s kinda like old times, as long as she and I don¡¯t talk about religion or politics.¡± He mumbled, with a glance at the sleepy priestess on the swing. ¡°It¡¯s kinda weird that all the kids are still asleep.¡± # A tiny blond lad with delicate features and long perfect ringlets of golden hair stood before Dana, Healer of Wounds and her subordinate deities, smiling and prowling around the way a cat might stalk a slow moving bug. ¡°I didn¡¯t make these stupid rules, you all did¡­¡± Marduk swaggered up and down the line of divinities, his gold and ivory instructor¡¯s baton tucked under his arm as he scolded Healer¡¯s contingent. ¡°You all prattled on and on about how important these rules are¡­ and now you¡¯ve broken them yourselves!¡± ¡°Clearly this was unintentional and no harm has been done¡­¡± Caduceus wheedled and protested weakly in his mistress¡¯ defense. ¡°Perhaps we can compromise¡­¡± Marduk¡¯s sneer of wicked delight at the predicament his rival divines found themselves mired in offered little hope there. The situation seemed to have brought out the worst in the deity most closely aligned with humanity, and of the gods the closest to the ¡®Ward Problem¡¯ that had occupied much divine gossip and speculation of late. ¡°Your ill considered and ethically suspect actions drew all of these mortals here against their express desire and will¡­ You are acting at the utter limits of the law already, Dana.¡± The smallest deity snapped ferociously at his much larger and more luminous sister. ¡°I have not broken any law by demanding my due from these mortals and fragments!¡± She insisted, while trying to ignore Harry¡¯s presence at the front of the little group. ¡°Really? That¡¯s where you want to go with this?¡± Marduk had a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction in his voice; before unloading just a little anger on the fuming and indignant divinity of healing. ¡°That you also snatched up a mortal child into this place before his fifteenth turning of the seasons is even more troubling. That is explicitly taboo. Now you wish to avoid censure by the council¡­¡± He smiled up at the taller deities, with the small cluster of human children standing defiantly behind him. ¡°I am not Contracted to any of these mortals, nor did I summon them here. If you would bargain, bargain with those you have wronged¡­ Particularly, the one you have taken unlawful advantage of, before he is ripened.¡± ¡°Hey now! Nobody touched my¡­!¡± Harry began to protest, before Amy stifled him with a harsh whisper. ¡°Shh, she screwed up by bringing you here¡­ We have extra leverage now.¡± Amy spoke in his ear using her gift, even though the goddess probably heard anyway. Divines were super annoying that way. ¡°Oh, oh, no! The mortals must slip back into their mortal dreams¡­¡± Dana waved at the gathered kids, as if willing them to vanish back whence they¡¯d come; only to give up after a few moments of futile effort. She turned away from the kids without another word, to address her divine colleagues. ¡°Really, I remember mortals being much more tractable and obedient!¡± She complained, not realizing that they were all still quite present and listening. ¡°They seemed barely awestruck and hardly humbled. I really wish I knew some itching rash curses that would work on them¡­¡± ¡°Lady Dana¡­ They are still here.¡± Ducky called through his smuggest smile of divine schadenfreude, which meant weapons grade, ballistic, bunker buster smug, coming in over the far horizon to devastate the target. ¡°Bother and nuisance!¡± She spat as venomously as she could, while glaring what she certainly believed were daggers at the gathered teens. Their mother¡¯s mildest stare of general disapproval packed more punch any day of the week. The hushed gabble of excited teen voices fell silent, as Marduk raised his hand. ¡°Youv¡¯e stepped in it, now you must make this right, before you track it everywhere, sister Dana.¡± His smile widened even more, staggering the lesser beings behind the goddess of Healers. ¡°Before Joy sees the mess you¡¯ve made.¡± Marduk turned from the gathered divinities and smiled up at the kids, all of whom towered over him. ¡°Some of you already know me, for the others, I am Marduk, god of man¡¯s Knowledge and a friend of your family.¡± He held his skinny arms wide and whispered softly, almost plaintively: ¡°Please, bring it in¡­¡± While the Wards and Marduk hugged it out, Dana stood by and fidgeted awkwardly. ¡°Seriously, what are they doing? I don¡¯t get it.¡± Her followers all looked on, speechless and just as mystified by their bizarre behavior. ¡°That seems unsanitary¡­ he¡¯s going to have mortal essence all over him.¡± Hygeia, mistress of cleanliness whispered in distress. # As they embraced the blonde child god, piling on until he was buried in a mass of human forms, a translucent wall of divine force shimmered into being, dividing the group of mostly mortals on the plateau from the immortal clique. ¡°Children, you are going to stroll over to that precipice and leap off together¡­ please link hands firmly and don¡¯t let go. Please, strut a little if you would¡­¡± Marduk winked at the kids, when everyone was huddled up. ¡°Dana has been intolerable for a while now and we should really serve her up a little harmless discourtesy while we make our exit.¡± ¡°Uh¡­ jump off?¡± Harry asked nervously, while trying to hide his discomfort from the immortal beings watching from beyond the tiny god¡¯s shimmering barrier. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± Barry murmured quietly, just in case; despite Marduk¡¯s construct of divine Will. ¡°Just watch what happens when you land¡­ there¡¯s something hidden in that moment¡­¡± ¡°Ohh, my, yes¡­!¡± Marduk bubbled and squeaked suddenly, as he walked them to the edge. ¡°Never mind all that¡­ just know that it is perfectly safe.¡± Harry and Barry cocked a pair of matching suspicious eyebrows at the small deity, but Amy, Wilf and Rio smiled, kissed the being and took the boys¡¯ hands with absolute confidence in the little god child¡­ They shrugged at each other and followed, clutching Larry and Perry in a long line. At the edge, they did a shifty little shuffle step, squatted in unison and leapt over the side with a chorus of excited whoops and one mildly terrified scream. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°You could have at least bared your bottoms at her¡­¡± Marduk¡¯s voice followed them down, as they plunged through the fluffy white vapor and into the dark, gray, swirling sea of clouds below. Hand in hand they plummeted down for what seemed a significant amount of time, free fall wise. Without warning they punched through the cloud layer, streaking face first at a tiny green and blue ball, hanging in the endless star strewn night sky. Beyond lay the larger, golden orb of Beast¡¯s moon and their own world, far below¡­ just as it was depicted in uncle Dannyl¡¯s paintings. The teens were moving too fast to speak, too stunned to formulate words and too excited to do more than experience the strange sensation of plowing face first into their father¡¯s old haunt. All seven kids crashed down into a meadow of wildflowers near the standing stones, blasting a massive crater in the world. Rather than clots of turf, soil and shattered body parts exploding into the local area; the world itself deformed, stretching and bending, displaying an elasticity that made Amy giggle. ¡°Jello world!¡± She gasped, while they bounced around on the ripples and waves that jiggled through the formerly solid surface. ¡°That¡¯s what I said!¡± Barry gasped, as everything wobbled and shimmied for an extended period of not exactly time. The effect carried on and on, shimmying to a stop without any sign of actual disturbance to the local area. Trees and bushes never even rustled their leaves, while jewel tone insects buzzed about heedless of what the kids were experiencing. They were still giggling wordlessly and rolling about when a portly, smiling man in a loose, rumpled suit with a pencil mustache and a bowler hat stepped out of the shrubbery and smiled silently at the little crowd. ¡°Fats?¡± Amy gasped desperately, her own smile beaming out across the meadow at the stranger wearing their father¡¯s face¡­ and yet not. ¡°Is that you, Fats?¡± He didn¡¯t answer; instead, a man in skin tight red leather with his face painted white with a crimson star painted over one eye and a third of his features stepped out of the trees. Others appeared, dressed strangely and smiling from behind their father¡¯s face in near endless variations. ¡°Starman? Dio? Ozzy¡­¡± She fell silent when a man in short velvet pants, a brocade coat and ruffled shirt nodded his powdered wig at her. ¡°Deus? Master Amadeus¡­ You¡¯re back?!¡± That opened the floodgates, as Wilf and Rio joined Amy in leaping into the crowd of strange men. ¡°Who¡¯re all these dudes?¡± Harry asked his three older brothers, since their elders were busy. ¡°Dunno¡­¡± Barry shrugged eloquently. ¡°I guess they¡¯re ok.¡± ¡°These are some of your family¡¯s oldest friends and beloved ancestors¡­ in a way.¡± Plumeria, the elder plum dryad whispered, as she stepped out of the forest. ¡°These are the memories of your father¡¯s¡­ influences, I suppose. They were and are a very large part of who he is.¡± ¡°Are they ghosts?¡± Harry asked, sounding a little excited. ¡°No, certainly they are not. Think of them as reflections of his earliest and most formative memories¡­ Once, your father could manifest them into the world to aid him, sadly he has lost that ability.¡± She paused and stroked her chin, much as their mother did, when thinking on something consequential. ¡°At least for now.¡± ¡°What does that mean, auntie Meria?¡± Larry asked cautiously, as more and more people kept appearing from the bushes. That was when Ishmael and Sarafina, the son and daughter of duke Mubarak came pelting onto the field, riding double on a blue pony with a mane of glittering rainbows and hooves of gleaming silver that chimed like bells, playing a liquid, danceable tune. ¡°This is the craziest dream ever!¡± The pretty, dark haired, dusky skinned girl shouted gleefully when she spotted her newest playmates. ¡°You aren¡¯t just dreaming, mortal children.¡± Their mount whinnied merrily, as she galloped up to the Ward boys and the nearby mass of clamoring¡­ whatever they were. ¡°Amy and the boys are in there, getting mauled right now.¡± Harry offered to the newcomers, with a wan smile. ¡°Maybe they know what¡¯s going on.¡± # ¡°Clueless, totally clueless.¡± Amy sighed, when the press of indistinct, yet profoundly individual caricatures of the same man receded. Gradually they wandered off into the impenetrable mist and vanished, one by one until only Starman, Deano and Fats Waller remained, standing near the kids as they greeted more visitors. An immensely tall, deeply tanned man with a massive rack of antlers growing from his brow stepped into the clearing, accompanied by a host of lean and rangy wolfhounds and held his arms out to Wilf. ¡°Nunnos!¡± The big lad burbled joyously as he scampered off to wrestle with the hounds of the wild hunt, under the dryads¡¯ trees. ¡°Wilf¡¯s checked out¡­ Let him go, he needs this.¡± Amy muttered with a little wistful sigh. ¡°The major deities¡­ and the divines most closely associated with your family are pretending that they are unaware of these events.¡± Cernunnos spoke softly, in a voice of the wind whispering in empty boughs and fallen leaves skittering over the forest floor. ¡°A certain goddess has made a grave and terrible error and committed a crime against a mortal child¡­ something explicitly taboo in this realm since time immemorial.¡± When the huntsman smiled, he displayed some very sharp, carnivorous teeth. ¡°More troubling still, since certain events in this very realm, what has been done is forbidden across all the realms where the divine and mortal may interact.¡± The antlered god¡¯s hungry, predatory smile grew even more ravenous and pleased. ¡°So, the goddess of Healing broke the law by pulling Harry here?¡± Larry asked quietly. ¡°Yes, and by dragging all of you here before your time¡­ a day here or there, even a few weeks early and no one would notice, but to address all of you as a group is a violation of tradition at least; even without Harry¡¯s presence.¡± ¡°I get the feeling we shouldn¡¯t talk about this in the waking world¡­ like, at all.¡± Amy said firmly. ¡°Our plans are almost ripe¡­ I don¡¯t want anyone blabbing about our boycott where grownups could hear, especially our folks.¡± She turned to the huntsman and smiled sweetly. ¡°Just how badly did she screw up with this boondoggle?¡± ¡°Dana is going to have to do some very careful negotiating to avoid the baleful gaze of entities not to be trifled with.¡± He answered solemnly. ¡°Now, children, off you go back to mortal sleep, while we¡­ Wait¡­?!¡± Cernunnos paused, halfway into his wicked, gloating chuckle and began counting mortals. ¡°Are there two more of you here? Two extra?!¡± That was the last thing they heard, before they began waking into the ¡®real¡¯ world. # Jocomo and Gary parted, with the bigger man limping on a stunned ankle and perilously off balance. A shrill, trilling whistle interrupted Joco¡¯s follow-on attack that would have driven the musician to his knees in a manner more embarrassing than painful. ¡°Switch!¡± Ivy shouted, causing the participants to change opponents. ¡°Good game¡­¡± He gasped, as Joco gave him a shallow bow¡­ very, very shallow; before he went off, seeking more challenging prey in the garden melee. Gary swished his training staff around in a few showy forms, while Gabbie squared off with the giant weirdo. She held a pair of gently curved swords, one a handspan shorter than the other. They were leather wrapped, split bamboo of course, no one was dying in the garden, that would ruin the party. They traded courtesies, bowing one to the other, as they eyed each other off for signs of weakness or vulnerabilities. Gabbie smiled in a way that felt a little predatory and eager, while Gary found his mouth suddenly rather dry. The empress stalked across their little patch of greensward like a panther on the prowl, the points of her training swords dancing over the tips of the grass, while her feet moved in a mesmerizing pattern. Slowly, but strangely swiftly, she charged across the lawn, her feet gliding in the fabled ¡®Ghost Step¡¯ technique from imperial lore and legends. Through careful and disciplined body control and with long, exhaustive hours of dedicated training; practitioners could sweep across the battlefield as though they were restless spirits. The strength, endurance and skill required were considerable, but she moved deceptively quickly and with incredible stealth. ¡°Ohh Shit!¡± He blurted, his staff spinning as he scampered back, losing ground and granting her radiance the initiative. She swayed and danced around his thrusts and swipes, wherever his staff was striking, she was just a little way over there, busily kicking his ass. She poked and prodded him incessantly, rather than striking painful blows. If he left his left hip exposed, she would step in and give him a forceful, gentle shove with her point, sending him spinning away. Likewise. He dropped his shoulder once, just once. She hooked the gentle curve of her shorter blade down his collar, running its raspy, suede cover down his spine intolerably. Once her point was lodged in his shirt, behind his sash; she jumped on his back, with her feet digging into his kidneys and rode him for ten stumbling steps. She steered him with the hilt of the weapon tucked down his collar and the point, which was firmly lodged between his buttcheeks. Gabbie whooped and hollered like a rodeo girl, until he collapsed onto the grass, looking sick and a little confused. ¡°Whahappened?¡± He burbled, face down on the turf. ¡°I¡¯ve been training with Jocomo, little brother.¡± She answered smugly, before crossing swords with Becky a few seconds later. He shambled off to the loser¡¯s patio; where there were snacks, coffee and tea¡­ and no one was hitting anyone with anything. He collapsed onto a chair and started gnawing on a scone, wishing he had the energy to pour the tea. He felt his kids stirring and romping down from their rooms, all of them, thundering down the stairs in a wild herd of chaotic, giddy feet. They skidded to a stop at the front doorway, looking out on the swirling combat on their lawn. Becky and Gabbie were teamed up now, trying to get an angle on Shai, whose paired blades spun in an impenetrable lattice of wood and leather. Wherever and whenever one of them took the initiative, she would spin away, to more fully engage the other¡­ Except when she would surge forward, meeting aggression with immovable opposition. Her ever shifting tactics, stance and forms were constantly stealing the rhythm and flow of the battle, leaving her foes on the proverbial and often very literal ¡®back foot¡¯. Gabbie leapt a small hedge, flying at her larger opponent from behind, while Becky pressed the attack, head on. The red haired swordswoman dug in her bare heel and pivoted, coming back at the startled monarch before her blades could get in position. She shoulder rushed the empress, throwing her off balance and back over her hedge onto a freshly tilled garden bed. Shai stepped forward, her longer and shorter blade deftly switching hands, in a mysterious, twinkling blend of her storage gift and masterful sword handling. Becky caught three more inches of weapon than she was expecting to face, right in her shoulder. While the smaller woman went spinning across the lawn, the giantess skipped over a muddy garden bed, leading with her shorter blade, while Gabbie was still trying to find her footing in the wet soil. ¡°Ooo¡­ that¡¯s messy.¡± Amy remarked to the radiant ruler of countless souls, who had her face in the mud and was sputtering with a fine blend of outrage and laughter. That brought Jocomo over, his swords spinning in counterpoint to his steps, making his actual movements confusing and abrupt. Shai whooped with feral excitement and charged at her new foe, leading with both points forward in an aggressive stance. Joco spun and whirled his blades, trying desperately to batter her points aside to get inside her considerable reach advantage. Instead, she closed her trap, with a lithe twist of her supple body, she swept under his high guard on the left and slipped her following foot between his two, fast moving sandals. Her double thrust at both his face and groin were enough distraction to put the small, muscular assassin on his ass. ¡°Well played, Joco¡­¡± She gasped, with both of his swords lodged firmly in her tummy, folding her nearly in half over her foe. ¡°Call it a draw¡­¡± The smaller warrior moaned, his backside planted among the root vegetables, feebly clutching at his groin. ¡°I think I landed my shallots on a rutabaga.¡± Ivy¡¯s shrill whistle cut the air of the bright morning, calling all the grownups to stop playing and wash up, before second breakfast¡­ or was it brunch? ¡°You guys slept late¡­¡± Gary remarked mildly, as they trooped into the baths and got clean. ¡°We had too much to dream last night. We went into overtime.¡± Barry answered with a grin. ¡°I sense¡­ something on you¡­ on all of you. A recollection of something familiar.¡± He whispered. ¡°Whatever it is you kids are up to; play it safe. That¡¯s all I ask.¡± Barry smiled and nodded, which was not exactly a firm agreement, but Gary decided that was as good as it was going to get. # ¡°Regardless of the outcome of your misdeeds, the Ward children will continue their boycott of the entire pantheon until their demands are met.¡± Marduk spoke firmly to the gathered divines, catching each of them by the eye individually, as he addressed the small group. ¡°They will continue to refuse to Contract with any of us, until we withdraw our strictures and curses.¡± The small deity sighed dramatically and gazed at the bubble strewn sky of madness above them. ¡°Moreover, their return to the Fool¡¯s Moon suggests that our time of leisure in this marvelous playground might end, should we continue to insist on this silly and counterproductive course.¡± ¡°You just want your favored pet released to work chaos and madness on the mortal world again.¡± Dana sniffed angrily. ¡°Your own self serving motivations are plain to see!¡± ¡°You can barely maintain your avatar in this place, yet you would lecture me on self serving motivations? Your own inner conflicts are doing more harm to you than he ever would.¡± He almost sneered at the Healer, his voice thick with barely controlled emotions. ¡°And yet I did not bring them here, not in all the lonely mortal nights and days I¡¯ve spent here, waiting.¡± He pointed to the haunted inn on the heights, lurking there on its pinnacle in grotesque abandonment. ¡°That is where I wait¡­ because you all wanted to play games with my favored cultist.¡± ¡°What it did is unforgivable!¡± Dana shrilled into the sky, her form shimmering and warping as her fury conflicted with her essential nature. ¡°No, what the triumvirate and Morrigan did was unforgivable.¡± Ducky answered coldly, quenching her rage in the rush of his own cold, calculated anger. His divine essence poured out over her, dominating the goddess¡¯ strained and unfocused being. ¡°Yet he has forgiven them¡­ not for their sake, for they are far beyond anyone¡¯s reach, but to aid the cleansing of his own soul.¡± Marduk eyed the deities one at a time, fixing each with his lambent, radiant stare in turn. ¡°If we would learn this lesson¡­ the lesson of humility; perhaps the loss of our kin will not be wholly in vain.¡± He sighed a long and weary breath and looked down¡­ or up at the mortal world spinning in the ¡­ whatever. ¡°Consider that, as we re-examine our divine pact of vengeance and curses, laid on a mortal who was made into this terrible thing¡­ by those who were destroyed by their own mad creation.¡± # Ch: 41 Buy Me A Drink First, Sailor! Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 41 Buy Me A Drink First, Sailor! On silent wings, Sasha the death¡¯s head hawkmoth flitted through the darkened forest, flying for the joy and freedom of the act. Warm, tranquil moonlight showered down through the canopy, bathing the world in pale, golden light. From tree to tree she danced, twirling and bobbing to the music of her fellow night creatures. The local birds, insects and bats had a good thing going on; very smooth and sweet in the upper registers, beyond human perception. Even a few of the local sentient arachnids were joining in, thrumming bass notes through their wide flung webs of spun silk and spider spells. She slipped through the boughs, up into the moonlight above the treetops, where she seldom ventured. She shaded her sensitive eyes with her fluffy, feathery antenna, dazzled by the blazing moonlight, even as she thrilled to the sensation of unobstructed flight and the dangers of the open sky above. Falcons, hawks, any number of winged reptiles or insect predators could snatch her up, even a moth of her size. Under the canopy, spiders, mantis and other ambush predators were a manageable threat, but the swift diving predators of the wide, starry night sky were far more dangerous to her physical form. Tonight, she had company, Xyll, the vampire fruit bat slipped through the moonshadows like a ghost; silent, unseen and incorporeal. Her shadowy, vaporous form flowed through the darkness, becoming a distinct bat form under direct moonlight and sentient observation. To simple beasts, she would appear as a dark blot of moving shadow, menacing and terrible. Her undead Animus and aura chilled the blood and rang alarm bells in the instincts of the normal creatures of the night, when she allowed them to perceive her. The bat spirit¡¯s voice was high and clear, ringing out in the rarefied sonic registers that humans could never perceive; bringing more of the locals out into the night. Dark, leathery wings of all sizes answered her call, dancing under the moon, their celebration took place far from day dweller eyes and well outside their hearing. Hymns in praise of Camazotz, deity of Death the Night and Sacrifice cut as clean and sharp as an obsidian blade, splitting the darkness, calling his avatar to manifest. Among the swirling, dancing bats and that one sly, fluttering moth, The shadow, bat, vampire creature took on a physical form; that of a dark, leathery humanoid, adorned with the wings and head of a greater vampire bat. He wrinkled and furled his leaf shaped proboscis in pleasure at the scene, winging his way lazily through the small cloud of his cultists and lesser servitors. ¡°Heya, Cam.¡± Ward, the human deity of Death, Vengeance and Golden Figs greeted his colleague with a jovial nod from his own bat-like head. The formerly mortal divinity was still struggling with taking on other forms, without the help of his currently possessed familiar. ¡°I¡¯m going to be hanging out in the area for a while, I thought maybe you could help me out with your followers¡­ I kinda creep them out.¡± ¡°You are a deeply strange being; as is this delightful familiar of yours.¡± The divine being chirped and whistled, drawing nervous, super high pitched chuckles from Camazotz¡¯ gathered bat-kin worshippers. The god whistled a piercing note of mild dissatisfaction at his cultists, who eventually stifled their amusement, with difficulty. ¡°You really do weird them out. You appear in this guise, as a strange, ungainly, unpleasantly human reflection of my own ineffable glory.¡± He sounded just a little smug, as he eyeballed Ward¡¯s less than fully competent flight skills. ¡°Let¡¯s have a dangle, before you crash¡­ as amusing as my followers would find that.¡± Together, they descended to a wide spreading oak on a lightly forested hillside, radiant under the moons¡¯ light and the clear, starry sky. They hung casually from the highest suitable bough, as the lesser bats and bat-kin flocked into the lower branches, beneath their deity and his¡­ Rival? Colleague? Cousin? ¡°I¡¯ll grant your sacred beast a dollop of my blessing; that should make you less jarring to my folk. You¡¯re a bit uncanny; so much like us and yet so deeply strange upon closer examination.¡± The deity shuddered softly under Ward¡¯s gaze and shook his head. ¡°You¡¯ll give their nightmares, nightmares if we don¡¯t do something.¡± ¡°Thanks pal¡­ that really stings.¡± Ward sulked a little, as he hung upside down from a tree branch, high above the forest floor, chatting with a bat god that found him creepy... ¡°Yeah¡­ I get that.¡± He sighed wearily. ¡°Fitting in is for babies.¡± The young god spoke ever so petulantly and with an unabashed, childlike, sulky, whimpering affect in his voice. ¡°I think I like you, kid. We gods tend to take ourselves too seriously.¡± It was his turn to sigh at the larger man¡­ or bat, or bat man dangling beside him comfortably close and now feeling very familiar indeed. ¡°On the dead world your kind came from, a few clans of humans worshiped me with rituals of blood sacrifice and torment. They imagined me as a bloody handed thief of life and one who revels in death.¡± He sighed again, which for him was a very high pitched whistle through his leaf shaped nose. ¡°I fled into the void, seeking relief from their blood drenched worships and only recently heard my folk calling me back here. I haven¡¯t roosted in this world¡¯s trees and caves since long before¡­ Well, it¡¯s been a while.¡± The bat god laid one ear back quizzically and peered at Ward with a hint of suspicion in his eyes. ¡°You have some enchantment that is soothing my folk¡­¡± He whispered softly, as he swept his darkly divine gaze over the worshippers roosting below them. Ward smiled at his new friend and chattered his teeth softly in agreement; falling into their body language quickly and easily as he became more familiar with the form. ¡°My moth friend has a power that eases us into your group unobtrusively. She makes us feel like we belong here, wherever here is, at the moment.¡± ¡°I mislike such workings, human god.¡± The bat said firmly, with growing discomfort evident in the way he held his wings. ¡°To be embraced by her gift, one must embrace it, my friend.¡± The human godling whispered softly. ¡°We feel the same effects as your fine friends do, making hostility, or even mild skullduggery difficult for all sides¡­ All sides, my friend. Her¡¯s is a gift for easing the worries of groups, colonies and swarms, without doing harm¡­ She¡¯s a diplomat at heart.¡± Sasha flitted down onto the boll of their tree at his whispered words of praise, spreading her wings fully to be more impressive and remarkable; enjoying the attention of these perceptive beings. ¡°That¡¯s ¡®cause I¡¯m the prettiest.¡± She announced confidently into the cool night. ¡°She really makes a lot of sense.¡± Ancient Camazotz muttered, as he placed his blessing on the fluttering, dusky moth. # Sir Kermal¡¯s dreams were¡­ troubled was the wrong word, but certainly odd. He woke before dawn¡­ before Becky, even, which was a rarity. He slipped from her embrace, as Amy¡¯s new familiar took his spot with a self satisfied little ¡®¡¯Murrr.¡± of pleasure. He padded down the stairs in his custom mothman slippers, a gift from his mad brother, they were made of soft shearling groundworm fur embroidered and embellished into fearsome, fluffy footwear with glaring red crystal bead eyes. Somehow, through dark arts and sinister crafts, the red crystal eyes would glow fiercely when he walked across a woolen rug while wearing them, or petted a cat. With a fond smile, he stalked down the workshop stairs, knowing that his friend would be down there, and that he had already sensed the young nobleman¡¯s approach, no matter how stealthy he might be. ¡°Hey Kerms.¡± Gary sang, accompanied by a darkling forest of illusory trees, foliage and wildlife. Night birds and frogs sang in counterpoint to crickets and the rustle of unfelt wind in the leaves of a forest that didn¡¯t really exist. ¡°I¡¯m feeling a little extra eldritch lately¡­ I handled some highly dangerous and toxic metals this week¡­ they left me faintly¡­ charged.¡± The atmosphere in the basement was even more dark and alien than usual, with eerie, formless shadows swarming in the dark corners. From the edges of his vision, Kermal thought he could see vaguely familiar, stranger¡¯s faces peering at him; as if pressing up against and looking through a taut, gauze curtain of impermeable shadows. ¡°Uhh, maybe we should open some windows down here, air the place out a little.¡± The young knight offered. ¡°Oh, no! I¡¯m pretty spooky right now, there¡¯s normal people sleeping around here!¡± He muttered crossly. ¡°I¡¯m a mess and it¡¯s all weird and gross down here, cause I¡¯m not letting any of it leak out.¡± He pointed to an intricately inscribed disk of clay mounted above the stairwell. ¡°That should clear it all out before too long. Especially now that I can get some wheels under me again.¡± ¡°Wilf mentioned that your new bike was¡­ dangerous if mishandled¡­¡± The knight offered, hoping to start the man chattering on affably and without thought, as he once did. Since his ¡®return¡¯ only the Wards and captain Esperanza could reveal the jolly, generous and slightly goofy man he¡¯d been, when the sky held only a single moon. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°It¡¯s a cursed engine¡­ or maybe a curse engine¡­¡± Gary murmured softly, under the music. ¡°It runs on nightmares, harvested from my dreams and juiced through a crystal and spell matrix formed of my own mortal salts and etheric waste.¡± He sighed. ¡°That means it operates on the spiritual, magical and etheric energy I freely discharge into the world; while damping down some of the eldritch echoes that haunt my dreams. ¡°Is this thing made of your piss and shit?¡± The warrior lord asked gently, while casting a suspicious glance at the bike in question, strung up on a rack for servicing. ¡°No¡­!¡± Gary mumbled, looking way too shifty to be believed. ¡°I¡¯m a serious craftsman with serious magical arts and potent crafts at my command¡­¡± He fumbled to a stop mid lie and sighed weakly. ¡°Ellie and Kelly are in the house. I can¡¯t lie even a little.¡± ¡°Sure buddy, that¡¯s why you failed to convince me.¡± Kermal murmured, as he patted his giant friend on the shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s surely not that you have never been able to lie to anyone about anything, ever.¡± ¡°That was kinda mean, brother. The truth is never as believable as my lies anyway.¡± His huge friend whispered, with a mad, crooked smile on his lips, like so long ago. ¡°The mainspring inside that yellow shell is forged from mortal iron, the most toxic, cursed, purely evil, blood drenched source of ferrous metals on the planet.¡± ¡°Redcaps¡­ the nasty, cannibal fae bastards?¡± Kermal asked with concern writ large across his face. ¡°That¡¯s them. Redcaps are the only fae beings to work iron or use iron tools¡­ tools they forge from their own shit.¡± Gary said finally. ¡°Gnomes are usually peaceful vegetarian forest dwellers; the redcaps worshiped a dark god of murder and cannibalistic rites¡­ He is currently no longer answering prayers, nor granting boons so his cult is dying out quickly.¡± He grinned that mad, silly smile at his friend and nodded along to the music as he spoke and worked on his rear wheel hub. ¡°Most non fae sentients have iron in their blood, it works to carry things through the body that you really need.¡± He totally failed to explain to the patient knight. ¡°Redcaps can¡¯t tolerate iron, but they are voracious cannibals, murderous and horrible little monsters. Their unnatural diet leaves them constipated and highly aggressive at all times; then, when they finally do drop one off, it¡¯s a hefty iron clinker that can be ¡®forged¡¯.¡± He put very exaggerated finger quotes around the verb, signifying a very loose definition of the art of metalworking. ¡°Brigid nearly fainted from outrage when she explained the use of the stuff to me. She¡¯s not a fan of their crafts.¡± He grinned again and shrugged, before going on. ¡°Then I reforged that horrible stuff to capture the damaged, mortal soul of a malignant spiritual parasite¡­ Once I dusted him off into the next thing, I had all this haunted, cursed, eldritch, fae iron on my hands. The stuff is so impossible and improbable that it bends time and space subtly, just from pure ookieness and unnatural weird.¡± ¡°So the major components aren¡¯t your shit, but they are turd based¡­?¡± Kermal asked patiently. ¡°What about the ¡®mortal salts¡¯ you mentioned?¡± Gary¡¯s embarrassed look said that yes, those mortal salts were no doubt extracted from his own piss. ¡°Gods damn it Kermie¡­¡± He complained in a voice that was less than half serious. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna be the turd mage, the urine sorcerer or the privy wizard! Hey, stop writing those down!¡± Two young men goofed, chatted and broke out the pipe entirely too early for civilized company. A red eyed Kermal wandered upstairs an hour or two later and confronted his wife in the kitchen, where she was making breakfast, with the four triplets and Wilf. ¡°The master of the house and I will be taking a morning constitutional, woman¡­¡± He pronounced with deeply stoned pomposity and silly, unwise gravity. ¡°We will expect a meal and fair damsels to attend our bath, as is suitable for men of our lofty station¡­ when we return.¡± Becky fixed him with a look that was made of three parts amusement and two parts wicked, vengeful glee. ¡°Lofty station is it now?¡± She demanded in a harried fishwife¡¯s shrill cry of marital discord. ¡°If you think you and that silly fool can go off riding and smoking whatever¡­¡± That was count Liam¡¯s cue to come sniffing around with dukes Julius and Abed in tow. ¡°Smoking what and riding where?¡± He demanded with childlike and innocent eagerness. ¡°I¡¯ll be your guide down the local trails, gentlemen.¡± Dannyl answered smoothly, redirecting the noble party off to the stables and receiving a thankful nod from sir Kermal. While the nobles were discussing the day¡¯s plans, Gary and the young knight silently pedaled out into the woods, accompanied by only their shadows and the familiar friends they both carried there. # Gary was sprawled out, face down and nude on a mossy stream bank, basking in the dappled sun and shadows filtering down from the light forest canopy. ¡°We both bump into the average person¡¯s natural distrust and fear of the dark and shadows, because of the nature of our gifts and Contracts.¡± Kermal murmured from his own shaft of sunlight. Sasha, Mariah and Kree were gamboling around in the trees, playing an aerobatic game of tag and occasionally shooting into the sky to explode in showy fiery sparks and sweet scented smoke while the two men soaked up the blended sunshine, shadows and natural magic of the shady little vale. ¡°We¡¯re always going to seem weird to most people. I know it¡¯s easy to say, ¡®don¡¯t let it bother you¡¯ but that¡¯s really the only answer for us.¡± He smiled wryly at his big friend. ¡°Unless you wanna give up flying to walk in the light.¡± ¡°No chance.¡± He answered, while experiencing Kree¡¯s senses through their familiar bond. He whipped through the branches at incredible speed on buzzing wings of semi corporeal magic, moonlight, sunlight and shadows. Some obstacles he dodged, others he dashed though, becoming vapor, then reforming on the other side in a complex dance between existence and insubstantiality. Riding along as a passenger or witness to Kree¡¯s aerial adventures was the biggest thrill left to the broken mage and his greatest pleasure, since being cursed and bound by divine decree. Lost in the delight of flying, he idly began whistling a merry snippet of ¡®The Wandering Shepherd¡¯ and forcibly stifled himself, when his gifts began writhing and struggling in their bonds, draining him of energy and vigor rapidly. His soft moan of pain brought Kree flitting back to his side in a few seconds, scowling unhappily at her idiot underling. ¡°If you had proper mandibles, you wouldn¡¯t be able to do that to yourself¡­¡± She sighed, as she thrust her tiny black rapier into his bare buttcheek, envenoming him just a little. ¡°Though I suppose you¡¯d just start chirping your wings or stridulating and get the same result.¡± ¡°Humans¡­ or whatever.¡± Mariah agreed when she floated down from her latest ecstatic detonation. ¡°They can be so self destructive¡­¡± That she entirely missed the irony of her statement was amusing to the deeply intoxicated former musician, whose face had gone completely numb under the effects of the insect girl¡¯s sting. ¡°Murfle, urmph flerbalfim.¡± He burbled mindlessly into the mossy loam he was kissing. ¡°Oh, very droll, or something.¡± Mariah sassed the incomprehensible forest rubbish he¡¯d become. ¡°I doubt he even knows what he¡¯s saying.¡± She remarked dryly to sir Kermal, when he looked askance at her brusque treatment of their friend. ¡°Oh, yeah, he¡¯s completely zonked.¡± Kree agreed happily. ¡°Playtime!¡± Together, all three fluttered off to resume their game, leaving him alone with a seriously wasted giant sprawled out on the forest floor. Slowly, the big man¡¯s shadow spread out over the little dell, subtly shading every rock, fallen log and patch of bare earth in the area, leaving only living beings in whatever natural light shone on them. Moss and trees, forest herbs and small flying bugs stood out in vibrant color, just as the surface of the stream remained excitingly real and sharp to his vision. Everything of earth and soil, everything that was once, but was no longer alive and every natural shadow became a hazy, indistinct and gauzy fabric, pulled tight across the bare buttocks of reality itself. Those curious, interested, familiar, yet strange faces peered out of every shady overhang and from the underbrush, seeking something desperately, through the opaque but elastic barrier they pressed against so horribly. ¡®We are, we are¡­¡¯ They seemed to whisper silently into the darkness all around and through themselves, unheard by mortal ears, but perceived by the rarefied senses of the mortal soul as an hallowed and dreadful hunger and longing. ¡°Oh no¡­¡± Sir Kermal whispered softly, as he forcibly diverted his gaze and clapped loudly three times to break the spell. He pulled his guitar from his shadow with a fond sigh for the broken man who¡¯d made it with his own hands in better times and gifted it to him when young lord Singh had begun courting his then future wife, Becky Ward so long ago. Soft strains of familiar music eased his friend¡¯s troubled sleep, easing him out of whatever nightmare he¡¯d been letting slip out into the waking world. The young lord¡¯s fingers danced over silver strings, pulled taut over a shining bronze ¡®resonator disc¡¯ inscribed with the intricate and deranged work of an utter madman¡­ Sending music dancing farther and wider than any mundane instrument could ever sing out. Since it was his, given to him by it¡¯s creator, it answered his touch, revealing the strange nature of the magical construct. Baobhan Sith (Cry of the Banshee) Teleblaster?, unique guitar, instrument, enchanted. Copper rank. Details occult. Aura, sonic and mental enchantments will be enhanced when proficiently wielded by or near a source of etheric magic. Compulsion and restraint enchantments from hostile sources will erode under the influence of this magical musical instrument. Clad in a robe and slippers, sir Kermal Singh, veteran knight, first advisor and champion to the duke of Port Clement played a selection of merry country tunes over his passed out friend, whiling away a pleasant morning as the children played and exploded far above. # Gary found himself in his old bedroom again, the impossible forest fantasy of whimsey and childish wonder he¡¯d created so long ago, only to lose the power to conjure it forth. Reality pressed in more fiercely now, demanding that he conform and comply with the laws of nature and the physical world. Somehow he was back in that mossy room, under the sky mural, half in daylight, half in star spangled, moon drenched night. He sat up from Shai¡¯s favorite coverlet, the one embroidered with tiny, twining roses and violets that he¡¯d nearly died to purchase for her and that she never used in the real world, anymore. It was securely packed away, to be a wedding gift for Amy¡¯s future spouse. Here he found all the old familiar things, magical mushroom lights and toadstool furniture, river stones and wild jasmine and roses crawling up the walls. He peered out the windows at the storm lashed sea below his old home on the tiny forest moon, though a deep and impenetrable mist closed off everything more than a half mile away. He should have been able to see the curvature of his moon super easily, and should have been able to glimpse the crater where he¡¯d died and taken a good slice of the pantheon with him to a world without gods, magic or immortality. There they would live and die as mortals, bound to the great engine of creation and entropy that constantly whirled, behind reality; driving the eternal everything on into the future and the past¡­ and probably a whole bunch of imponderable otherwheres and everywhens as well. The immortals, deities, divines, fae and outsiders who¡¯d gathered to either participate in or simply witness his enslavement to the will of a few deities and one of the great ladies of the fae had been the only witnesses to the detonation of his definitely illegal weapon of carnal destruction. The SexBomb, a glass jarred, super jarring, erotically irradiated, thermo-sexual, frisson-fission-fusion device had gone off in a moist and organic explogasam that had spurted the immortals into his ruptured rear crater, on the dark side of his moon. Beneath the fleshy pink and tumescent marble obelisk that loomed over the crater lake and Ballsack Island the madman was a terrible threat. He persued the gods of Craft, War and Order around the disrespectful, penile tomb of a godcorpse the fool had murdered, before the entire gathered pantheon, with impunity. The court of judgment found themselves very mortal and under the power of a madman, one whom they had already murdered and sacrificed in dark rituals for their own ends so very many times. Enraged, dying and with zero fucks left to give, Gary had sent them all¡­ and himself, sailing off into the ass-tronomical almost-anatomical, puckered rear entrance of the universe. From the vast, cosmic, anus shaped nebula that was the Devourer of Souls, there was no return, save by passing through and emerging, to live and die as a mortal of one sort or another, for eternity, almost all the time. The god of Beasts had worked some bargain with the inscrutable and wholly incomprehensible Devourer of Souls, to return him to his family for the span of a mortal life, back on the magical, mystical, manifold realm of faery. He scampered down those familiar stairs into his common room and took up his first guitar, the one he¡¯d made as an apprentice piece before he¡¯d died the first time, back on earth when he was still just a kid dreaming of the stage, with sawdust in his hair. He strummed the instrument, in perfect tune and far superior to the basic and workmanlike guitar he¡¯d actually made and then lost to the greedy, hungry, all devouring system, back on earth. Sweet music spilled from his fingers again, after so terribly long; just playing music without draining his life away was worth whatever backlash his curses gave him when he woke from this dream. He alone had returned from where his ¡®SexBomb¡¯ had blasted them; only to be met at the veil by the remaining pantheon with a complex and unassailable curse. It was a terrible thing, wrought by the entire divine realm, including his own unwilling deities, who were compelled to join the working by divine law. Wrought in his body by all the gods in concert and bound through deities Contracted to his very soul, he¡¯d spilled out into his garden, alive and whole as a mortal man, but broken inside. He could build and enchant instruments and tools, create weapons and armor; even condition his body and mind for the rigors of an Adventurer¡¯s life, all of which he¡¯d done¡­ but any use of his gifts would wreck him in a few short seconds. Now, here, he could feel his power again, in its fullness and depth. Like lungs starved for oxygen, he gasped in the sensation with all he had, drawing the feeling deeper inside. ¡°Gary, I¡¯ve been waiting for you¡­¡± Marduk whispered from behind the bar, where the child god was busily polishing a martini glass. # Ch: 42 No Vacancy Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 42 No Vacancy Becky and Shai rode out to find the boys, when lunchtime came and went without them. The red haired giantess could feel her boy, tugging at her with the faint traces of the bond they once had; before the gods spoilt everything with their fumbling, cowardice and stupidity¡­ Tracking them was simplicity in itself, since Mariah couldn¡¯t resist playing skyrocket a few times every hour. Sir Kermal¡¯s music guided them down into the little dell the boys and their insect girlfriends were lounging in. Kermal was in a robe and sandals, while Gary wore not a stitch and was passed out, ass up and face down on a mossy stream bank, snoring peacefully. Shai was off her bike before the smaller woman even realized they¡¯d found their quarry, since she was following behind her much bigger sister. ¡°He sleeps¡­?¡± Shai asked, while propping her bike up against a small hickory tree. ¡°Tis passing rare he lies peaceful like, an dinnae thrash about ferociously.¡± Becky wordlessly pointed to an inflamed red welt on the big man¡¯s bare butt. ¡°He¡¯s probably pretty high, looks like Kree got him good.¡± ¡°Aye, tis a bonny swollen cheek, but even wi an arse full of venom, he dinnae sleep so, not hardly; an never beyond the walls of home.¡± She declared firmly and with no small pleasure. ¡°This be progress at last, or so Marduk an Joy do whisper in me mind.¡± The big woman began producing small comforts from her storage gift, or more likely, from her husband¡¯s. The boy¡¯s powers were still there, even if he couldn¡¯t use them himself, Shai had no such troubles when reaching through their bond, so long as she powered the exchange with her own magic¡­ From the boy, she drew camp chairs, a picnic lunch, Kermal¡¯s clothes and sword, a cunning travel cot and bedroll and a few other small pleasures, establishing a cozy little day camp in the woodland dell. ¡°Everything¡¯s fine, your dad is actually resting for once¡­¡± Becky told her earcuff and collar button, while her sister busied herself. ¡°No, you kids have fun. We¡¯re just going to hang out and let him sleep. If it gets too late, we¡¯ll camp here tonight.¡± While Becky was busy keeping the kids from freaking out; Shai had rolled her big cayuse onto his cot and under a blanket. Water for tea was already heating in a portable samovar and the camp stove was smelling pretty good, like toasted bread and wallowbear sausages. ¡°Feels like the old days¡­¡± Becky sighed happily, watching her big brother smile in his sleep. It was the first real smile, without any hidden anger, sorrow or pain behind it that she¡¯d seen from him in a long, long time. Afternoon, lunchtime and naptime brought Mariah and Kree in for a landing in the cozy camp; but Sasha was enjoying the forest and her new ability to echolocate, entirely too much to come in. She flitted and danced through the trees, with her sensitive eyes completely protected from the burning sun, hidden by a soft silk blindfold. ¡°Come in when you¡¯re ready, Flutterby. Go, have fun with your friends.¡± The young knight whispered to his shadowy familiar, when she swooped down from the starlit sky, deep in the evening. # ¡°Gary, I¡¯ve been waiting for you¡­¡± Marduk whispered gently from behind his bar, where the tiny god was quietly polishing glassware with a soft cloth and a profound sense that he belonged there. ¡°Ducks¡­¡± The big man answered lamely. ¡°It¡¯s been a while.¡± ¡°Gods are supposed to respond to any mention of temporal matters and similar complaints, with divine and immortal indifference.¡± The god of man¡¯s wit and wisdom muttered from deep inside the musician¡¯s collar, where he had appeared through some divine ability, hugging desperately onto the giant bard¡¯s neck. The little divinity pressed himself close, sobbing softly and briefly silencing the music that had continued to dribble from Gary¡¯s fingers. It swelled back up, his guitar playing on without his hands. Music gushed, thundered, whispered, chimed or trickled at different moments; the key, form and tempo shifting wildly as the musician¡¯s emotions took a cartwheeling tumble into turbulent waters. The music faded away, as feelings swelled and surged around the pair. They stood, pressed together for a long ¡®time¡¯ in the little domain between worlds where they had first met, when they were both very different entities. Gary drew a breath to speak, only to be silenced by the little blonde limpet¡¯s arms squeezing even tighter, with desperate strength for someone so small. ¡°Please, can we just stay like this for a while?¡± He asked, in the voice of a very young and very lost child, who¡¯d just been found at last. # Becky and Kermal climbed into their tent with the birthday girl and Kree; leaving Shai curled up with her still blissfully sleeping husband, under the leaves, stars and moons. His old travel bedroll and cot had hardly been used since he¡¯d discovered and slowly mastered his absurd gifts; most notably his knack for creating a home, whether a humble wayside camp, or a towering, silly, ¡®princess castle¡¯ for the simple delight of pleasing his friends, family and children. Crafted from moonlight, sunlight, glamor and his own shattered soul; once, his home had been a breathtaking, sprawling wonder of foolish whimsy. Now, they lay, curled together under the moons basking in the comforts of shared intimacy, even though the poor fool was so out of it, his wife had been forced to bind his drooling mouth closed with a strip of gauze lest he awake with a sore throat, parched beyond endurance. ¡°Sweet Shai will kiss unchapped lips when ye finally stir from this slumber.¡± She murmured, once the soft cloth under his chin closed the boy¡¯s gaping noise hole and silenced his snore. ¡°Aye, an sleep a mite, mine own self¡­¡± # The giant moth fluttered down as silence descended on the camp under the trees, her soft, dusty wings making no sound as she clung to a pine tree, overlooking her human friends¡¯ encampment. She fished out a nugget of maple candy from her shadow, through her bonded companion¡¯s storage gift and sighed happily. The moonlight tonight was particularly excellent, thick and warm, almost sweet and heavy with some potent and undirected magic. ¡°Nice.¡± Sasha whispered in a voice only bats and her moth kin could possibly have heard. # Few of the guests noticed their hosts¡¯ absence in the busy, chaotic and raucous inn and garden. The baths were full of revelers ¡®til well after midnight, while the common room kept jumping even later, following the musical whims of the Wards still under the roof. The Ragamuffins and their four younger siblings kept a rotating trio rolling through improvisational blues and western swing, until they started running out of gas, unwilling to let the night end. Finally, around way too damn late, Amy pulled Harry and Larry into a smooth jazz song of bedtime, cobbled together from equal parts ¡®Moon River¡¯ and the theme from ¡®A Summer Place¡¯. That landed like a bomb in the crowded inn, sending party people seeking their beds, wherever those might be, or just sprawling out on the couches, settees and comfy futons scattered around the house. Blankets and pillows almost showered down on the sleepy people, crushing them under an awful, comfortable pressure. ¡°Good sesh.¡± Wilf mumbled in his sleep, mere seconds after the tired kids collapsed into their shared bed. # ¡°What do you mean, Cernunnos? Speak plainly!¡± Earth rasped and grated in his stony, gravely voice. ¡°I mislike creating a manifest form¡­ I would be done with this.¡± He grumbled to water, who bubbled merrily at the rocky being. ¡°It is as I have said, a new light has joined the pantheon! A being of earthen jewels and endless ocean waves; she has taken residence on our plane and has become a permanent part of our pantheon¡­ through means that remain occult.¡± Unquiet rumbles and complaints circulated in the gathering when the huntsman paused for effect, displaying a profound lack of concern or interest in the ¡®how¡¯ and ¡®why¡¯ of the thing, but great enthusiasm for the ¡®who¡¯... ¡°We will investigate the matter, but Gemma the jeweled crab has become one of us¡­ permanently. Did I mention that this phenomenon seems to be irrevocable?¡± He giggled a little and smiled at the glittering, iridescent crab lingering on the periphery, busily meeting her new neighbors. Her beau, Ignis the formerly dormant volcano spirit, strutted and preened; enjoying his renewed vigor and freedom from the stifling pall of misery that had cloaked his island domain. Equally, he was enjoying showing Gemma around the strange place that the spirits and gods had found to play and frolic in. ¡°A few young mortal scamps came by and tidied up a mess in my depths¡­¡± He draped a driftwood arm around his lady and smiled so happily that the dark runes burnt into his surface glowed and smoldered cheerily. ¡°I don¡¯t remember their names¡­¡± He murmured when pressed on the matter by insistent divines. ¡°You might as well ask me the names of the long dead mortal dust that brought trouble to my home so long ago. They appear and vanish too quickly to pay much attention.¡± Gemma remained silent on the means by which she had been summoned, and spoke even less about how she had managed to inveigle herself permanently, into a closed, sealed mortal realm. ¡°I have no insight, talent or skill with your local sorceries¡­ But I have friends who are well versed in the art.¡± Was all she would say. ¡°And where is Marduk, the primary instigator of these troubles?¡± Dana demanded, conveniently ignoring her own troubling actions for the moment. ¡°Lord marduk is currently fully occupied with a matter that requires his full divine attention, lady Healer.¡± The horned man answered firmly with a very warm and self satisfied smile. # The Ragamuffins woke together in a tangle, as was often the case on nights like these. Whenever Wilf worked or played himself ragged, exhausting even his nearly tireless reserves of energy, he would squirm and move in his sleep all night, restlessly entangling and re-tangling them into a complex knot of bedding and limbs. Stolen novel; please report. ¡°Rio, lift your right leg as high as you can, Wilf, roll to the left as much as you can manage, I¡¯ll try for the edge and roll out¡­¡± With a soft thump, Amy landed on her butt near the foot of the bed, a few harrowing, struggle filled moments later. ¡°I miss the imaginary blankets we used to have¡­¡± She murmured unhappily, rubbing her bruised rump while the boys squirmed free of their bonds. ¡°I was hoping to see home again tonight¡­¡± Wilf mumbled what the other two were thinking, as they reflected on their individual nights of dreamless, mundane slumber. ¡°We will. If we stay strong¡­¡± Rio said quietly, in a tone of absolute surety. ¡°I know the boys will stay the course.¡± ¡°We have some work backed up in the shop¡­ Crafts day?¡± Wilf asked eagerly. ¡°My bike has taken a beating over the last few days¡­ we just serviced Rio¡¯s.¡± Amy muttered with a cheeky grin at the lanky boy. He pulled a sour face and rubbed his butt at her. ¡°It still hurts! Tell me, I can take it! Is there a crack down the middle?¡± Wilf and Amy groaned and headed down for the waterside, each one silently contemplating the tasks lined up for the day. The older Ward kids found their four siblings already in Wilf¡¯s workshop, under the big lad¡¯s tall, red roofed home down by the waterside. Wilf¡¯s was similar to Gary¡¯s in so many ways and very different in others; their fathers home was formed from his own shattered soul and mind, of illusion, moonlight, sunlight and the eldritch shadows cast by those disparate and impossible elements. Wilf¡¯s was a manifestation of his Will and his mortal crafts, wrought with ritual magic native to the realm, but powered by his personal connection to their distant and inaccessible homeworld, Earth. Magical energy in a wavelength and spectrum that was rare in this realm, flowed through the young Ward boy. His siblings and parents possessed similar internal wellsprings of magic, to greater and lesser amounts and with variable pressures. Amy was a steady flow, pushing out like a spreading pool of honey from a broken hive. Smooth and graceful, she could work and shape her will more easily than any of her brothers. Rio gushed and spewed energy forth in geysers that would erupt and then calm, just as swiftly; the violence and energetic nature of his spring gave him a unique talent with the shades of the dead and unquiet spirits. Wilf pulsed with magic in a subtle thrum, a constant low vibration that was soothing and calming, not unlike the sound of water running over stones. The energy passed into their living souls through rifts in the etheric veil and could only be directed or used, not halted or captured. When not actively working spellcraft or using their gifts, the Wards spilled undirected, inchoate and largely harmless magic into the world around themselves, which would quickly and harmlessly dissipate into the local area. Wilf¡¯s home was a peculiar manifestation; a real, physical structure, built by the mortal hands and crafts of himself, his family and a few close friends. No moonbeams or drifting vaporous glamor would work for the solid, stolid young craftsman. His home was a real and material house that could be drawn from and tucked away into a private dimension of dreams and fancy that the large, stoic lad never let anyone but his brothers and sisters see¡­ Ever. Down in his shop, all the tools, devices and workstations were real and physical things; solid, robust and functional. He sat on a high stool at his personal bench working on some small jewel or object, inscribing something delicate, while only half listening to the discussion. ¡°...things are heating up, we just need to hold out a little longer.¡± Amy insisted. ¡°You three have Contracts.¡± Larry grumbled, his face screwed up in anger, concern and frustration. ¡°We just keep getting pushed around, there¡¯s no upside.¡± ¡°I dunno, the jello thing was pretty fun¡­¡± Harry sighed happily and closed his eyes, trying to recapture the feeling. ¡°We¡¯re not going soft, Ames¡­¡± Barry grumbled. ¡°We just can¡¯t take it out on the people we¡¯re mad at.¡± ¡°Maybe we can¡­¡± Wilf mumbled, his eyes still on his project. ¡°I¡¯m working on something¡­ something secret, even from¡­ especially from papa.¡± His brow furrowed in concentration as he spoke, his tiny Wardco Buzzomatic? multi tool whirring as he inscribed whatever it was. # A towering column of something that was certainly not smoke twirled into the morning sky from the smaller red roofed house, down by the waterside. Accompanying that massive plume of eldritch fumes, the sounds of industry rumbled and clanged softly across the garden, becoming intolerably loud and disruptive only within a few yards of the jarring, jangling, sealed house of mysteries. The Ward children were working their arts and were not going to be disturbed by anyone with a lick of good sense. # A little before midday, a slightly doughy, round featured, middle aged woman in the uniform of the ducal tax service strolled the last few yards through the clamor and clangor of Wilf¡¯s yard and stepped through the door; blissfully ignoring the ¡®Private¡¯ sign hung from the door handle. Past writhing shadows that swirled and reached tentative, unformed, hands out to her as she walked, through coruscating fields of evershifting colors and slow, thudding, pulsing sensations that evoked the heartbeat of some unfathomably huge beast at rest, the woman strolled downstairs into the heart of madness, with a pleasant, slightly abstracted smile on her face. Amy wore only brief shorts and a bandeau restraining her breasts, while the boys were in shorts alone, working at their separate tasks, but very much together. Energy and life thundered from their sweaty pores, dampened their hair, and plastered their scant garments to their bodies as though painted on. Magic of every imaginable frequency, hue, temperature and nature boiled and froze, swirled in low, clinging vapor and whistled through the air in ecstatic, explosive, silent vigor. Colors, sounds, scents, tactile sensations and flavors that should and could not exist clawed at the pudgy woman¡¯s mortal senses with ravenous, animalistic claws, seeking entry into her very soul. The workshop was drenched in a swirling morass of mingled auras, gifts and magics that should have made any mortal¡¯s skin try to tear away, stagger off their body and crawl into a dark, quiet place, as a single, knotted mass of gooseflesh. ¡°Hi kids!¡± She chirped merrily from the foot of the forbidden stairs. ¡°I had the most exciting adventure yesterday!¡± Kelli smiled at her gathered friends and sighed beatifically. ¡°I found a huge pile of books and ledgers, it was all census data, crop, lumber and mining reports and monster sighting records, all jumbled up in a mess! It was just sitting there, so I had to start collating and¡­¡± ¡°Can¡¯t hug you right now auntie, I¡¯m all sweaty and gross!¡± Amy called out from her corner of the workshop, when Kelli paused to take a breath. ¡°Take a seat, we¡¯ll be done soon!¡± A pool of living shadow dribbled from Kelli¡¯s feet, slowly forming into a shadowy, evershifting simulacrum of the cheerful, stout accountant. While her host made herself comfortable and chattered on and on about the exciting paperwork and files she¡¯d stumbled on in count Liam¡¯s palace and how chaotic and disorganized the local lord¡¯s tax records were, or rather, how disorganized they had been. Kelli made tea at the little kitchenette in the corner by the stairs down and settled in to watch the children work with a smile of absolute pleasure on her wide, honest face, letting their energies wash over her in a tidal wave that should have been intolerable. Snacks, tea and pleasant conversation carried on, mostly from Kelli¡¯s snug little seat by the stairs, Elli drifted in silence around the chamber, basking in the magical radiations and vibrations that made the house inhospitable to beings more firmly rooted in the soil of her adopted world. The shadow being swayed and shifted form, seemingly at random under the influence of the emanations and oscillations that shattered reality and reassembled it; if just slightly altered by the Wills, Minds and auras of the kids working around her. ¡°What are you building, Larry?¡± She asked in her inaudible voice of eldritch whispers, directly into his aura. The lad was working intently, carving a small object in wax, intricate and precise, the thing was also a complete mystery. It seemed to be a tiny half sphere, with several waxen branches and roots springing from it. Larry carefully set his object in an open topped wooden box, before pouring a thick, white mixture over his creation, encasing it in plaster of some sort and setting it aside among several similar boxes filled with white plaster and only a few bits of wax poking up through the slowly curing substance. ¡°This is called lost wax casting, we¡¯re making jewelry, magical jewelry.¡± He murmured through the music, noise and chaos. On a dark desert highway, Cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, Rising up through the air¡­ ¡®Hotel California¡¯ rose slowly and sweetly, wringing order from the chaotic morass all around the group; as the boys began singing together, following Amy¡¯s soaring, crystalline lead. Shadowy musicians stepped from the dark corners of the room, faceless and completely swathed in robes of misty darkness. Their instruments were real and tangible, the shining crafts of their parents¡¯ and their own hands, gleaming in the eldritch light and ringing out in sweet, soul rending harmony. You can check out any time you like¡­ But you can never leave¡­ ¡°I like that song!¡± Kelli enthused, when the music slowed and became a smooth background melody, floating in the air in a not quite normal way. Larry¡¯s boxes of plaster were in the kiln, slowly curing under very low heat, to let the wax run out of his castings. Wilf sighed with deep and abiding satisfaction as he began toweling his enormously muscled arms and chest off, and clearing away his projects. He had a small wooden tray padded with cloth holding a number of round beads that glinted and winked at Kelli and Elli, as if calling them over for a closer look. The strange and slightly frightening sensation ended, when he slid a cover over the top of his tray of jewels. ¡°Inscribed magical monster pearls¡­ don¡¯t touch them, they¡¯re a little cursed.¡± The big, barely dressed young man rumbled gently at the two women, smiling at them both with affection. ¡°Once these are finished they¡¯ll be safe, but right now they¡¯re toxic to Elli¡¯s essence.¡± Amy was still hard at work, her surging, blazing forge blasting fire up the chimney with every blow of her hammer. Smooth, slim, dusky skinned arms rippled with lean, long muscles, rather than the bunched and corded thews of her big, blonde brother. She used her whole body with every move, driving a slow building wave of power from her feet, rooted to the floor as if a part of the foundation of the house itself. From her slim knees, up through her swaying hips and rippling up her lithe torso to bring her sledge down with terrible might, shaking reality around her little smithy with each strike of that awful hammer. Steam hissed and popped ferociously when droplets of sweat landed on her workpiece, flung from a few loose strands of her long, black hair that had escaped her sensible workshop plait. Shining with sweat and smiling in apple cheeked joy, she shut down her forge and wiped herself down, before catching her conjoined aunties up in a hug. ¡°We missed you girls!¡± She cried, and bounced up and down in her friend¡¯s arms. ¡°So busy and energetic¡­ Whatever are you wicked children up to down here?¡± Elli asked with matronly disdain for the kid¡¯s attire and sweaty condition. ¡°Is this mischief in the offing?¡± ¡°We¡¯re plotting against the gods today¡­ Shh, that¡¯s a secret!¡± Amy sang merrily, as she put her tools away. They worked together in comfortable silence, listening to more of their auntie¡¯s tale of her recent adventures in bookkeeping and accountancy. She explained every detail and nuance with great pleasure, going on and on about the subtleties of waste disposal projections and crop rotation plans. ¡°I can¡¯t believe all that sensitive data was just sitting there in the library, waiting to be accessed!¡± She huffed over some detail that she seemed to think was important. All the while, as the dual being of woman and shadow chatted and smiled at her niece and nephews, they moved in quiet camaraderie, tidying up their workings and preparing for the next step. ¡°Wait¡­ You know about the dungeon? That¡¯s super secret!¡± Harry asked abruptly. With his hands full of tiny, terribly pointy steel files, picks, probes and rasps. He slipped the jewelers tools into their individual slots in a waxed leather roll and neatly tied it closed, protecting the delicate instruments of his craft from damage in the rowdy workshop. The kids finished tidying up their workspaces and gathered against the tiled wall near the little kitchenette Kelli had been ruling over as mistress of the snacks. ¡°Certainly, even were we not confidants of the count and the duke, we would have sussed it out from the records in short order. Only a rift in the veil could allow so many monsters to slip into this world. I would estimate it at phase three, fully open and capable of allowing passage into this realm by beings under S class, perhaps higher, with the correct affinities and abilities¡­¡± She murmured abstractedly, since Kelli was once more distracted by the tray of glittering beads¡­ or were they pearls? Harry walked down the white tiled wall near the kitchen, turning shiny metal knobs that jutted out every two steps or so. Each one stood out from the tiles beneath a conical metal object that dangled from a pipe sticking out from the wall. Water began jetting from the devices as he went down the line, spraying in a steamy torrent from four gushing shower heads drenching the wide, tiled area with a drain in the floor. ¡°It¡¯s all there in the ledgers, if one knows what to look for. Magical anomalies, monster encounters, hunt records and detailed reports tell the tale of an uncanny breach in your realm¡¯s veil. It¡¯s been active for three years or more.¡± Elli whispered happily, while the kids helped each other peel out of their sweat drenched things. ¡°Weird, so you figured that out with just uncle Liam¡¯s books?¡± Amy asked from the showers, where she and her brothers were busy trying to get the worst of the mess rinsed away. Poor Rio got some kind of exotic, magical sawdust in his tight, kinky cap of curls and it was devilishly hard to get out. Wilf wound up having to comb his brother¡¯s hair nearly straight for him, before the last, clinging particles would let go. Heedless of the casual nudity of the bathing kids, Kelli and Elli began to drift in the direction of Wilf¡¯s workbench as well, the shadow being slowly fluttering at her edges, when she approached the covered wooden tray. Before those soft, pink, ink smudged fingers could touch the little box, Wilf was there; his massive, scarred hand completely engulfing hers in a leathery and unshakeable grip. ¡°Careful, those are dangerous to Elli right now.¡± The damp, naked giant whispered, as he gently scooted her back to her seat at the kitchenette table. ¡°There are things that we do that she can¡¯t abide¡­¡± The gentle giant murmured to his auntie, who nodded and smiled pleasantly, revealing only a superficial comprehension. ¡°These are poison to Elli, Kelli. We have to keep them sealed up, ¡®cause she will be drawn to the magic of them. They shine, like a colorful, venomous spider in the sunlight¡­ Pretty and interesting to look at, but dangerous to handle.¡± ¡°Those are spiders? Gross!¡± She murmured, an expression of distaste and mild fear scampering across her open smiling face of childlike pleasure; only to be replaced by happiness, when Wilf hugged her close and sighed. ¡°Well, I suppose they do spin a trap and lure in their prey¡­¡± The soggy man mumbled awkwardly, before returning to his shower, already in progress. Amy flopped down on a vacant chair, dressed in a bright blue bathrobe across from the shadow and the living woman, with a deep sigh of relief. The dark, smiling girl giggled her delight from under a damp towel, draped over her hair and poured a cup of tea for each of them. ¡°We¡¯re gonna piss off some gods with those, just a little.¡± # Ch: 43 Cats In The Cradle Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 43 Cats In The Cradle ¡°A boycott?¡± The big musician barked with an odd mixture of rage and amusement. ¡°Is that why none of my kids have accepted a Contract in¡­ how long?¡± Gary demanded sharply of the tiny blonde godling sitting on the couch beside him as he played his long lost butterscotch Teleblaster?, which had been destroyed so long ago. The instrument had dissolved in his bath, while he was busy fighting to bring Amy into the world; by murdering the ever loving shit out of the undead and unclean aberration of demonic Will that had held her in bondage. Like Wilf and Rio, She had been a captive, enslaved and enspelled as a helpless toddler; bound into the heart of a mass of undead, rotting human body parts that slowly devoured her life, to feed itself. Now the cult that had created that nightmare was gone; as were their dark gods and the great lady of the winter court of faery that had spawned the whole mess. He smiled fondly as he played the ghost of an instrument he¡¯d happily destroy a thousand times over, just for the sound of Amy¡¯s laugh. ¡°The Amy, Wilf and Rio have been holding off on Contracting for a while¡­ I thought they were just being careful¡­¡± He sighed with a small, sad smile on his face ¡°And it¡¯s all of them, a unified front?¡± Marduk smiled shyly and nodded. Gary almost heard his daughter¡¯s mischievous little chuckle, as he considered the plot they¡­ She had hatched. ¡°They wanted to keep it a secret; but I promised myself I¡¯d never hide the truth from you again¡­ after¡­ when you were¡­ If we ever¡­¡± Marduk fumbled his approach and wound up staring at his sandals, beside his big, mortal friend. ¡°We won¡¯t, Ducks. We can¡¯t. I could never have Contracted you in the first place¡­ It was Secret I was compatible with.¡± He sighed long and sadly. ¡°Several of my alters could have helped; they were the ones who had the smarts and knew stuff.¡± He shrugged and smiled. ¡°Now it¡¯s just me in here; they all flew away and became their own people at last, like Ward and the boys.¡± He sighed and sat back, enjoying the quiet and the sensation of strings under fingers gone soft from too long without the touch of his first love. He slipped into a bit of ¡®Ain¡¯t Misbehavin¡¯ and sighed softly with pleasure. ¡°Beast and the Devourer are still debating vigorously, whether or not you will be reunited with those disparate elements of your persona, some day.¡± Marduk whispered. ¡°I suspect, as you do, that they now walk the world in new flesh, with their own Minds, Wills and desires, wherever they might be.¡± The godling sighed happily. ¡°You have so many children, my friend¡­ and will have so very many more, all across the endless expanse of everything. And in a way, each of them is mine, bearing a tiny fragment of my essence, wherever they land.¡± ¡°Gross.¡± Gary mumbled softly, as he ruffled the divine ringlets, between passages from Bach and Bootsie Collins, in turns. ¡°I still don¡¯t think¡­¡± ¡°I will not ask you to Contract with me, so there is no need to refuse me.¡± The tiny god spoke very carefully and softly. ¡°Refusing me three times will close a door that I desperately wish to keep open, if only by a fingernail¡¯s width. Please leave that thought unspoken, my friend.¡± The big man fell silent and just hugged the small boy close for a while, even if that meant he had to stop playing. Some things were more important. # ¡°I¡¯ve missed these times so much¡­¡± Marduk said softly, once he¡¯d cried himself out beside the man who¡¯d pulled him out of the dim, insensate half existence the little god had experienced in his endless, drifting time as the silent and lonely god of Secrets. Through plots and schemes lost in the distant and forgotten past, a few disgruntled members of the pantheon and fae courts had managed to gradually transform Knowledge into Secrets, by denying education to all but the elite few and slowly altering human perceptions of the deity, warping and twisting him into a new form. With inquisitions, dogma, doctrine and shouted scriptures that rained down on an illiterate populace, they had attempted the cold, bloodless murder of the deity. For untold generations of man and through endless years, he¡¯d drifted; as a half remembered, minor deity without clerics or worshippers. Even delusional and foolish tryhards wouldn¡¯t bother claiming to be a ¡®cleric of Secret¡¯; everyone knew Secret offered no Contracts, took no clerics and heard no prayers from man¡­ The valedictorian of Super Serious Clown College, with an advanced degree in rubber chicken studies would be taken more seriously than any fool who claimed to be ¡®the Hierophant of Secret¡¯... Until a disembodied, endlessly sacrificed and resurrected, lost, mad mortal soul had brushed against him in the void and drawn the god slowly, inexorably into the halfreal, delusional, miniature moon the desperate, shattered soul had dreamed up in the endless void. The mad, broken mortal had taken the vacant title of Hierophant of Secrets for himself¡­ and given Marduk a home. ¡°I should have defended our bond, I should have stood up to the gathered pantheon and refused, even in the face of their combined Might and Will¡­¡± He sobbed and wept anew, as emotions that the divine had few experiences with, boiled inside the small god, tearing at his essence with red hot, iron claws of guilt and regret. ¡°I assumed you would pull some silly prank, or invent some terrible spell and then we would be reunited, with no lasting harm done¡­¡± He blew a big, snotty, blubbering sneeze all over his friend, when the divine sinuses overflowed. ¡°I never suspected you would do something so¡­¡± ¡°Crazy?¡± The big man asked with a crooked, deranged smile on his lips. ¡°You can say it, we¡¯re always honest with each other, right?¡± ¡°Yes, you are crazy¡­ What could have motivated you to build that¡­ ¡®Sexbomb¡¯?¡± He shuddered at the recollection of what that thing had wrought across the divine realm. ¡°There¡¯s a crater where the triumvirate¡¯s domains once intersected, music thrums from that rift, slow, throbbing music, sensual moans and whispers¡­¡± He muttered, with a rising blush shining silvery and golden on his cheeks. ¡°Uh, huh¡­¡± Gary murmured happily, feigning ignorance and smiling at the desperate, squirming godling.¡±It whispers things? Like what?¡± ¡°Sexual things¡­ I understand what they are saying, the voices from that terrible void¡­ but I won¡¯t repeat them. None of the other gods, except Thirp can even truly hear the awful, suggestive words that echo up from that rift.¡± He looked down in embarrassment and toed at the plush carpet by the fire. ¡°It¡¯s super weird and¡­ kinky.¡± ¡°I¡¯m nuts and crippled, Ducky¡­ and the bastards who made me this way thought I would roll over and submit, if they kicked me a few more times.¡± He shrugged. ¡°They learned a valuable lesson about backing someone into a corner.¡± ¡°What was your end game?¡± Ducky demanded hotly, when the man just smiled away his own nearly complete obliteration. ¡°Only the intervention of Joy, Beast and myself managed to draw you back into this world; otherwise you would have been lost, forever.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah¡­¡± He muttered crossly at the little god. ¡°That was the plan.¡± ¡°You planned on a heroic intercession by several deities, and the collusion of the inscrutable Devourer itself¡­ That was your plan?¡± The stunned godling muttered at his friend, suddenly feeling rather cross himself. ¡°Of all the foolish, dead brained, thoughtless¡­¡± ¡°Nope, never even considered that possibility. I planned to blast myself back to earth with those shitbags; fully intending to live out eternity, being reincarnated as a new person again and again in the magicless, inescapable gravity well of my empty, forgotten homeworld, alone.¡± He answered glibly. ¡°You guys really came through in the clutch!¡± ¡°Wait¡­ that was your grand scheme?¡± The stunned being asked softly. ¡°Just, boom, gone, no more, you¡­ No more Gary Ward, ever?¡± ¡°Yup. It was a choice between being an eternal buttslave to Morrigan and the three douche-migos; or splattering all of them and myself onto a world where they would be as powerless as I am¡­ and unable to cause my family any more trouble, ever.¡± He grinned at the shocked and appalled god beside him on the couch. ¡°Cheap at twice the price.¡± ¡°You really are completely mad¡­¡± Ducky sighed fondly. ¡°I can¡¯t peer into your world through your eyes, since¡­ well¡­ How are you doing, under the strictures? I am told that they could cause some¡­ discomfort.¡± That question soured the giant¡¯s mood rapidly; he turned to face the little divine and glared at him crossly, his mercurial moods shifting wildly. ¡°I¡¯m fucked six different ways, buddy. Fucked long and hard, right in my pert little puckered asshole.¡± He snarled angrily. ¡°Your little friends are probably shitting their robes right now, knowing that I¡¯m back here.¡± He growled. ¡°I have been dwelling here, while you were absent¡­ My essence will prevent the other gods from realizing you have returned, so long as you do not mention this fact before any mortal cleric of Dana.¡± He mumbled quietly. ¡°She is always listening, when one of her¡¯s is near you.¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll need to make another Sexbomb¡­¡± He snapped angrily at the mention of the goddess, Healer. That utterance shocked his diminutive houseguest and sent him leaping to his feet. ¡°You mustn¡¯t!¡± He gasped desperately. ¡°Don¡¯t even whisper that thought in your dreams, where it might be overheard!¡± ¡°Still on their side, huh? Even after all this?¡± The big man grumbled angrily, blasting his little friend with a heated and furious glare. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°They¡¯ve been torturing me constantly, with pain, exhaustion and misery¡­ for years now. They even took away my music!¡± He gasped through his rage, at last. ¡°That was too much, too cruel. No forgiveness. No. Mercy.¡± He almost barked in the quiet common room. ¡°Torture? The strictures simply prevent you from contracting your Agility without the gathered pantheon¡¯s unanimous approval.¡± Marduk replied, anger tinting his usually tranquil and childlike voice. ¡°If you¡¯d stop being such a big, obstinate chuni, maybe we could get Dana and her clique to relent¡­¡± He grumbled at the mortal fool. ¡°But no¡­! Gary has to be a bigshot and refuse to submit¡­¡± He caught himself, halfway through his own statement, glaring down his nose at his own lips, as though wondering where those words had come from. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Gary¡­ I don¡¯t know why I said that¡­¡± ¡°I know why, buddy. You¡¯ve been hanging out with the immortals, listening to them bitch about me... and you don¡¯t even understand what they¡¯ve done.¡± He answered quietly, his rage fled, replaced with an icy determination. ¡°I¡¯m back here now, maybe you should take a walk in my memories¡­ You always enjoyed that.¡± ¡°True, peeking through your eyes and ears was always exciting, but what would that prove?¡± He demanded. ¡°Just give it a shot, you might learn something... Try on any random day from the last several years.¡± The big man muttered confidently, while strumming a mandolin quietly. Ducky sat back, closed his eyes and searched for the old, familiar entrance to his friend¡¯s sense memories with a long, slow sigh for those fondly remembered days¡­ The diminutive god thrashed and rolled onto the floor a moment later, spewing a thick, viscous, silvery goop onto the rug in a torrential, gagging stream of holy projectile vomit. He moaned and writhed in misery, inconsolable and nearly insensate for a few long seconds, before he regained control of himself. ¡°What did you do to me? Some cruel trick or trap hidden in your mind?¡± He demanded hotly, while trying to get the stuff out of his robes and hair. ¡°Nope, that¡¯s how I feel every fucking day, all day.¡± He snarled. ¡°When you clowns cut our Contract, you forcibly deranked me from mid-copper, down to unranked. That shit sucks super hard. Rolf voluntarily dropped one rank for four days, and spent all four days and nights, lying in my stable, sick as hell.¡± He snapped angrily at the miserable godling. ¡°Severing Contracts and forcibly deranking someone is a punishment reserved for the worst criminals on this world; most people beg for death instead, with good reason.¡± Marduk gaped silently for a few minutes, stunned and still wracked by his first experience of mortal agony. ¡°Really? That¡¯s what we did?¡± ¡°Yeah, buddy¡­ So telling me to submit and to be a good boy is going to be a tough sell.¡± He smiled warily at the little god. ¡°So, are you gonna run and tell your little friends that I¡¯m holding grudges and waiting for a chance to pull another¡­ rabbit out of my hat?¡± ¡°No, Gary, but I will be bringing this information to the attention of Beast and Joy. I doubt they have any more understanding of your plight than I did. I suspect that they understand far, far less than I did before your¡­ demonstration.¡± ¡°Remember, Ducks; you picked your own moment to look through¡­¡± He mumbled, as he slowly became less present and faded away. ¡°If you think I was setting you up, try any other day or night over the last decade and a half. Pick one, maybe you¡¯ll get me on a good day when I just feel weak, miserable and brittle as cheap glass.¡± He vanished eventually, leaving a thick, gray fog behind that dissipated very slowly. # Garry peeled his eyes open to greet a bright, mid morning sky, not unlike the one he¡¯d drifted off beneath. The familiar travel cot, bedroll and wicker picnic basket covered by a clean white cloth told him he¡¯d been out for more than just a few minutes. When he stirred, Becky¡¯s smiling face appeared above him, with Kree fast asleep and tangled carelessly in her beaded plait, like a jeweled honeybee hair ornament. ¡°Mariah went back home with Shai and Kermal. Those two will be back soon, just rest and drink some water and eat something.¡± She passed him a huge jug of cool, fresh water. ¡°Drink all of that first, brother.¡± ¡°How much do you know?¡± He asked enigmatically. ¡°About what? Why you¡¯ve been asleep for nearly a day and a night?¡± She demanded right back. ¡°Cause that¡¯s what¡¯s been going on, as far as I can tell.¡± He sighed weakly and rolled over, so that he could get some of that water inside himself. A few long, gasping gulps and a brief bout of coughing later, he smiled at his little sister. ¡°I saw Ducky¡­ in my house on the moon.¡± ¡°Really, are you sure you weren¡¯t dreaming?¡± She whispered desperately. ¡°I popped up there a few times over the last week, I assumed it was Ward¡¯s doing¡­¡± She fell silent, when his smile fled, at the mention of his immortal ¡®brother¡¯. ¡°I can see why you¡¯d assume that¡­¡± He sighed sadly. ¡°I gather that he¡¯s been prevented from showing himself around me all this time, too.¡± The big man grumbled sourly and struggled to sit up on his cot; winding up in a sagging, slumping heap. ¡°That¡¯s another thing for me to remember; when it¡¯s my turn to pass judgments and dole out curses¡­¡± Becky shuddered under a stranger¡¯s feral, hungry smile, so unlike her silly, crippled brother. ¡°Don¡¯t do anything¡­ you know¡­¡± She whispered softly, as the sound of tinkling bells announced Shai¡¯s return to their little camp. The expression on her brother¡¯s face slowly melted into the faintly sad, deeply amused smile he usually wore, when those bells chimed in his hearing. ¡°Sit still, there¡¯s no hurry. Everything¡¯s fine.¡± The tiny priestess whispered, while poking him in the chest with one slim, tiny finger. That weak shove was more than enough to drop him back onto his cot, over his weak and ineffectual protests. Becky rose from his side and went to meet her sister and husband at the trailside, a dozen yards away from where the big man still lay, mostly immobile. The two women held a brief conversation, before Becky waved bye-bye and mounted her bike and rode off with sir Kermal. ¡°Come home soon, Gary.¡± She sang, as they pedaled away. Shai sat down beside him, when it was just the two of them, with a long, slow sigh of relief. ¡°Becky says ye did speak wi wee lord Marduk, while ye slept an dreamed¡­¡± She whispered in his ear. ¡°She says he does urge ye tae nae mention it aloud, whispering in her bond wi knowledge, that ye should keep that close held.¡± She vanished her clothing into a whirling cloud of vapor and mist, then curled up in the bedding with him, using her greater strength and vigor to push and pull him into the ¡®big spoon¡¯ position he always sought. ¡°Now shush, yer lady wife be exhausted an would sleep!¡± The beautiful, mighty woman of his dreams wriggled into his arms and pressed her backside against his frontside with a sassy little gasp of delight. ¡°Ohh! Somatt of thee kin stand up straight after all.¡± She cooed with pleasure, when little Gary nudged her pale, round bottom. # ¡°Shiro!¡± Amy called softly into the garden. ¡°Time for bed!¡± The tiny, white kitten bumbled out from under a tea bush, with a clot of spider web tangled in his whiskers. He ran with a silly, staggering stride, as he constantly tried to get the clingy stuff off with one paw, tripping himself, mid-step. The slender, dusky girl caught her familiar up in a hug and wiped his whiskers clean, with a merry giggle. ¡°Silly kitty!¡± His answering mew was weak and soft, but his incredibly, improbably loud purr of pleasure rumbled against her chest, as though he were a much, much larger cat. She smiled and waved, when Becky and sir Kermal rode in, noting her parents¡¯ absence with a blend of concern and hope. ¡°How are they doing?¡± She asked, once the pair were finished racking their bikes. ¡°I literally can¡¯t say¡­ My god demands silence on this matter, Amy.¡± Becky answered through a wide smile that said more than enough to put her at ease. ¡°We need to talk, though¡­ about your new friend.¡± The small slender priestess frowned at her taller, younger sister and her kitten. ¡°But that too, must not be discussed openly, I suspect.¡± Kermal caught the scent of secrets on the wind and excused himself quietly, leaving the women alone to chat with a kiss on Amy¡¯s cheek¡­ and a much more evolved version for his smiling wife. ¡°Ladies, I will be in the common room drinking whatever I can find.¡± He dipped a low bow and slipped from their sight with a strangely showy display of his stealth gift. The young knight simply faded from their perceptions, becoming first indistinct, then entirely imperceptible to mortal senses. ¡°I love the sneaky ones¡­¡± Becky sighed happily, once her husband was gone. ¡°Now darling¡­¡± She grumbled, suddenly sounding very concerned and a little upset, with her eyes fixed on the bumbling, silly kitten peeking from Amy¡¯s lacy, ruffled bosom. ¡°Tell me you didn¡¯t forge a Contract with Shiro the Nekomancer¡­¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t forge a Contract with Shiro the Nekomancer.¡± The lovely young woman¡¯s lie was obvious, beyond transparent, delivered with a smile of self satisfied, cocky delight. ¡°Except for all the ways that I totally did.¡± ¡°He¡¯s an outsider, Ames¡­¡± The priestess began, before falling silent. ¡°So? Some of my best friends are outsiders¡­ I¡¯m one too, in many ways.¡± She replied calmly, still smiling and petting the kitten nestled between her boobs. ¡°He¡¯s my friend, has been for a long time.¡± ¡°He¡¯s¡­ he¡¯s undead, Amy¡­ that¡¯s against sacred law¡­¡± She whispered desperately. ¡°If the pantheon finds out¡­¡± ¡°They don¡¯t get a say.¡± She answered in a cold, hard tone that was very unlike her. ¡°My brothers and I are done playing nice and waiting for the gods and spirits to pull their heads out of their asses.¡± She glared up at the heavens with a surly, unpleasant look in her eyes. ¡°We have our own agendas and needs, unrelated to what the gods want. They can pound sand.¡± Her mood lightened an instant later as she smiled at her beloved auntie/sister. ¡°Besides, he¡¯s not even undead; on his world, he¡¯s a god of the Night, Shadows and Illusion. His bell is cursed to draw the restless dead to him, that¡¯s all.¡± She stood with one hip popped out in a cocky challenge, as if daring the older woman to press the issue. ¡°My Contract is between me and Shiro¡­ nobody else gets a vote, not even my beloved Becky.¡± ¡°Amy, he¡¯s cute and little right now¡­¡± She murmured gently to her younger sister. ¡°Show her, pal.¡± Amy whispered to her fluffy little bodice buddy. He mewed, stretched adorably and leapt from his pillowy nest with a soft ¡®Murr!¡¯ of satisfaction. The tiny white streak of fur landed on massive, silvery paws, spangled with gray and black spots. A full grown clouded leopard prowled around the two women, purring and rubbing against their legs, releasing soft and delighted chitters from time to time. Long, sharp claws, sharp white teeth and lambent, glowing amber eyes shouted that this was a potent and fierce predator, while a dim, misty aura of uncanny vapor twined around his shoulders and pools at his fluffy spotted feet suggesting that there was much more to the being than was readily apparent. His red ribbon collar and intricately inscribed bronze bell remained, growing larger to accommodate his form and tolling silently as he walked. Strange shadows and crawling, flickering vapors poured from that eldritch, terrible bell, rather than chiming, musical notes. He flopped down in the sunshine, his hazy, vaporous aura drifted outward, lazily collecting in any shadowed place. ¡°He¡¯s still cute, right?¡± Amy asked sweetly, while the fluffy, furry, murderkitty purred and rolled around on the lawn at their feet. ¡°Rio was chatting with Gritsck, the outsider mantis goddess a couple nights ago¡­ He¡¯s considering her for his Agility.¡± ¡°How? Did you find some ritual or something?¡± The older woman asked gently. ¡°Those are dangerous and unpredictable¡­¡± ¡°Dana the dumbass has been secretly dragging the triplets into her realm for weeks, demanding that Barry Contract her¡­ lately she¡¯s been nagging us too. Now things are changing and new opportunities are opening up.¡± Amy replied smugly. ¡°She opened the door, but we get to decide who we let in.¡± ¡°But, outsider Contracts¡­¡± She began, weakly. ¡°The pantheon used and abused us all with their supernatural might and powers, especially papa¡­ Now we have access to beings that don¡¯t have a vendetta against our dad and haven¡¯t betrayed our trust.¡± Amy growled, sounding not unlike a big, angry cat herself. ¡°They decided to set this in motion; if they don¡¯t like how it turns out, they can all get fucked.¡± Her unflinching gaze reminded Becky of Gary¡­ stubborn, angry and perhaps a little deranged. ¡°Shiro¡­ Uncle Liam promised to bring us some of his weapons grade catnip!¡± She held her arms out to her familiar, as he leapt back into his plump, perky nest; once more in the form of a tiny ball of fluff. ¡°Let¡¯s go tease the dog¡­¡± # As afternoon closed in, the Ward kids and the birthday girl were all sprawled out on the lawn with a few close friends and familiars, enjoying the peace and quiet. Shai and Gary rode up together, looking exhausted and very pleased with themselves. ¡°Sorry kids. I needed some quiet time, I guess.¡± The big man muttered through a wry grin. ¡°All the noble boys rode out to check on the kaiju battle¡­ Dannyl said that things are getting weirder over there.¡± Amy shrugged lazily. ¡°We¡¯re taking a break from Adventuring, till we get our new Contracts settled in.¡± They all looked pretty smug and pleased with themselves as well. ¡°Contracts?¡± He asked quietly. ¡°You guys have been up to something for a while¡­¡± He grumbled sourly, with just a little obstinate pride in his voice. ¡°I suspected, when you three never signed on with anyone. He sighed again, letting his relief show. ¡°Now you kids can stop being foolish and¡­¡± He fell silent for a moment, his eyes locked onto the little white kitten gamboling in the grass. ¡°Is that Shiro, the Nekomancer? Shiro the cursed god?¡± ¡°Yup. he¡¯s my buddy.¡± Amy sang happily. ¡°We made it official a couple nights ago.¡± ¡°I took a fae Contract with Ignis, the volcano spirit¡­¡± Larry muttered quietly. ¡°It¡¯s short term, but with an option for renewal.¡± Gary looked relieved at this revelation, until his big, blonde son spoke up, from where he was sprawled on the lawn, staring at the sky. ¡°I finally signed up with Kai of the waters.¡± Wilf sighed happily. ¡°She¡¯s pretty amazing.¡± ¡°I have Gemma, the jeweled crab.¡± Harry announced softly. ¡°She¡¯s a spirit of crystals, music, illusion and light. We can¡¯t Contract yet, of course, but she touched my soul and left her mark there.¡± ¡°Who?¡± Gary demanded, while his wife tried to soothe him and herself, with little success. Shai¡¯s gentle touches and whispered words in his ear finally settled him down onto the lawn with the kids. ¡°Gemma¡¯s new.¡± Amy answered for her brother, smiling serenely. ¡°You aren¡¯t the only one who knows lots of eldritch, fae and divine beings.¡± ¡°So how many of you made a Contract over the last few nights?¡± He asked gently. A moment later all but Harry raised a hand. ¡°I took on Gritsck, the huntress.¡± Rio mumbled. ¡°We really get along.¡± Perry sighed happily before he spoke. ¡°Cernunnos, the huntsman.¡± Gary locked eyes on Barry and waited patiently for the lad to speak. Instead, a small being with white, shiny, slick skin, webbed hands and feet and a ruff of scarlet gills around his throat stepped from the shrubberies with a long, slow sigh. Axio, the axolotl spirit of the high, upland waters hitched up his blue boardshorts and grinned at his old friend. ¡°Hello again, Gary.¡± He whispered, in his calm, watery voice. # Ch: 44 Silver Spoon Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 44 Silver Spoon On a wide, manicured lawn; a small group of young people and their pets faced off against a fae being older than their civilization. He flared his blazing red gills and blew mucous bubbles on his wide, axolotl lips in obvious consternation. The pudgy, cheerful fae being hitched his shorts up a little higher on his complete lack of waist and sighed. ¡°Apologies in advance, if my pants fall down. I can¡¯t even use suspenders¡­ No shoulders.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll see what I can do about that, buddy¡­ Are you a party to this scheme?¡± Gary asked with a little annoyance and concern in his voice. ¡°Only in as much as I have Contracted with young Barry Ward¡­ In hindsight, perhaps I should have spoken with you and your lovely mate, before sealing that bond with your child.¡± The aquatic being¡¯s gills curled in and turned pale in embarrassment. ¡°Whoopsie¡­!¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s fine¡­ I¡¯m a little concerned about some of the outsiders, though.¡± He grumbled, as he turned back to his kids. ¡°None of you took a divine Contract?¡± When they all shook their heads silently, Shai reached out and took him by the shoulder, before he could say anything stupid. ¡°Sit yer arse back down an dinnae be a greater fool than need be.¡± She murmured softly in his ear, while curling up in his lap, effectively pinning him down, very pleasantly. ¡°Ye hae trafficked wi many outsiders¡­ an let some few inside yer soul, frae time to time.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just worried¡­¡± He grumbled into his wife¡¯s pale, muscular shoulder. Kree fluttered out of his shaggy brown hair and came to rest on the lawn near kitten Shiro, joining his game of pouncing on any blade of grass that dared move. ¡°Hi kitty¡­¡± She chirped. ¡°I¡¯m Kree, princess of this hive¡­ I¡¯ll let you be my subordinate!¡± Shiro responded by pouncing on her, rolling them both across the lawn in a mad tumble. While the cat deity and armored insect girl brawled for supremacy, Gabbie settled down on her bottom among the kids with a regal ¡°Oof!¡± of imperial comfort. ¡°This seems to be quite the discussion¡­¡± She murmured happily, with her eyes on Axio. She spared a moment to skewer her muscular, dangerous husband with a death glare. The man was stealthily working his way in between the empress and the unknown creature, with his hand concealed in his sleeve, no doubt holding some implement of murder. Jocomo withdrew, scowling unhappily under that baleful gaze. ¡°Is this fellow one of your fae friends?¡± She gently demanded of Gary, her dark eyes twinkling with delight, now that her husband had been managed. ¡°Empress Gabbie, this is Axio, lord of the upland waterways and noble fae of the summer court.¡± Gary declared awkwardly. ¡°Axi, Gabbs is the empress of a big human country that¡¯s pretty far from here and this is her husband, Jocomo, the murder ninja.¡± ¡°Oh, how charming!¡± He muttered happily. ¡°Gabbie, my dear.. you have the aura of something like Gary¡¯s kind; you are one of the otherlings we¡¯ve started seeing again¡­ and something else¡­¡± He waddled closer and took a deep, long sniff of the amused and lightly disconcerted empress. ¡°Yes, like Gary, you touch the endless ether, but you have a complex magical root system here¡­ binding you to a group of mortals¡­¡± ¡°Axio, Gabbie is my sister¡­ and she has secrets that she would rather keep private.¡± Gary spoke to the small being the way he spoke to his kids; gently, carefully and with a sense of being very present in the moment. ¡°We have to respect other people¡¯s boundaries and privacy, even when we have eldritch senses and mystic knowledge.¡± ¡°I understand¡­¡± He burbled merrily up at his giant weirdo friend. ¡°In that case, my Contract with Barry is also private, is it not? These rules are very interesting, do all mortals abide by these strictures?¡± ¡°I¡¯m gonna go drown myself in the pool, gang¡­ Be right back.¡± Gary moaned, while flopping back on the lawn among his kids, half buried under a pile of muscular, huggable wife. ¡°This is just too weird.¡± # This is¡­ It¡¯s just too damn weird!¡± Duke Abed muttered crossly, looking down on the scene from a great height. Some kind of colossal mutated ground dragon had waded into the fray at some point and was being brutally put down by the two insect warriors. This variant had a vicious, lamprey ringmouth and a slimy, segmented, wormy skin. The stupid beast was gamely trying to gnaw on the armored giants with little success, while their pincers, horns and mandibles did their grisly work on its slippery, snotty, earthworm hide. The body parts of a number of other monsters lay scattered about, most were unidentifiable; though they remained uniformly disturbing. Tentacles, scales, teeth, thorns and chitin spikes littered a churned and muddy valley of wrecked trees and sluggish, foul water. ¡°I see the remnants of a stone-borer beetle, a death-scarab and at least two cave crawlers of significant size, judging by the stench.¡± Count Liam supplied cheerfully. ¡°We will know more when my brother comes up with a way to neutralize these creatures.¡± ¡°You could just say kill them¡­¡± Abed complained a little petulantly. ¡°He might find a way to kill them¡­¡± The handsome count answered the duke of far Shiraz with a smile of utter confidence. ¡°I suspect he will surprise at least half of us, however this turns out.¡± He cast his eyes back on the valley and sighed thoughtfully. ¡°We could just cut a new road and leave the valley to them, until they kill each other or starve. Neither will be able to tunnel or climb out.¡± Julius offered helpfully. ¡°Or I can have a siege team here in six weeks to batter them to pieces with heavy weapons.¡± ¡°I would rather not start this venture off with a debt of such magnitude to a friend.¡± Liam answered the handsome blonde duke of Port Clement. ¡°Do we have any other suggestions? These things seem well fed enough to carry this nonsense on into the new year.¡± Dannyl spoke up from the edge of the group, far back from the overlook the nobles were enjoying. ¡°My team and I can get to the dungeon mouth, without waiting half a year for a road.¡± He clambered the rest of the way down a scraggly pine tree and dusted the bark and sticky pine sap from his gear effortlessly. ¡°There¡¯s a trail that leads up there, most of the way. It¡¯ll be some hiking, some free climbing and a few water crossings¡­¡± ¡°Oh, excellent, are you getting the band back together?¡± Julius enthused eagerly. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen Gary play in years!¡± He turned to duke Abed and smiled radiantly. ¡°You¡¯ve never seen Ginger Dreadnought in action¡­ Well actually, neither have I, but reports indicate that they are truly formidable¡­¡± Duke Julius stumbled to a halt when he saw the pained expressions on the faces of count Liam, Dannyl and Ivy, the only members of the defunct Adventure band that were present. ¡°I meant team Ragamuffin, your grace.¡± Dannyl murmured apologetically. ¡°Gary is still¡­ unwell. I assume that Shai and Tallum will be reluctant to leave him to take up Adventuring again.¡± ¡°Your team is still unranked¡­¡± Abed scoffed. ¡°I¡¯d not send unranked tyros into an unknown dungeon mouth, miles down a goat path from aid. If you would, perhaps you should reexamine your priorities.¡± ¡°Surely duke Belen can have a team here in a matter of a week or two¡­ a veteran Belen delve team would be the safest course.¡± Julius urged, concern writ large on his face at the thought of the Ward kids and their teammates being led into such peril. ¡°I could have the Fist here in a few days, for that matter.¡± He turned to count liam with an open and friendly smile. ¡°I would contract them for this task at my own expense, Liam¡­ I owe you and yours at least that much, without question.¡± ¡°We should discuss this back in town and come to a reasonable solution¡­¡± The young lord said, diplomatically. ¡°And then, we will probably do as Adventurer Dannyl suggests¡­ and unleash Team Ragamuffin on this poor, unsuspecting nest of monsters.¡± He finished softly. A few minutes later the party was back in the saddle and headed down from the heights, cantering for civilization on mounts that were very pleased to be leaving the area. # ¡°Uncle Dannyl figured out that you weren¡¯t doing well and took most of the lords out of town to watch the kaiju battle in Dimwood Vale¡­ or what¡¯s left of it by now.¡± Larry muttered from inside his papa¡¯s crushing hug. He¡¯d been hugging the kids a lot lately. ¡°Seriously, I need to breathe, old man!¡± He gasped eventually and squirmed free. ¡°Kree, stop stinging him, it¡¯s getting weird!¡± ¡°I¡¯m a princess, Peasant! Address me properly, or not at all!¡± The insect girl answered in mocking tones of offense and superiority. ¡°And I didn¡¯t! Not since yesterday morning! I got him good then though, right in the butt!¡± She buzzed, before darting into her master¡¯s hair. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. Gary meanwhile, was smiling and swanning about the sales floor, cleaning and dusting the instruments the way he always did, but now he handled them the way Becky and the Ragamuffins remembered. He touched each of his creations with a parental fondness and intimacy, rather than handling them as if they were sharp edged or fragile, as he had been these last several years. Even his old favorites he hardly touched or looked at without a real need. When he did take one of his personal instruments down, he always had the same expression on his face that he had when thinking of his lost loved ones. He still dared not try and tune anything up, lest his gifts stir involuntarily, which would dump all of his Mana and Stamina through the floor¡­ and his unconscious body along with them a few seconds later. Even a few bars of ¡®Ode to Joy¡¯ would result in a trembling, vomiting wreck on the floor and leave him debilitated for days afterward. Only in the carefully controlled environment of the worksop and with absolute focus could he touch a fragment of what he had been; and then, only at the cost of bone deep, lingering pain and exhaustion. The little family settled down to an early dinner, with Gabbie and Joco anchoring one end of the long family dining table and Gary and Shai at the other, for a terrifying feast. Sir Kermal and Lord Jocomo were the only ¡®normies¡¯ at the table so the Wards were less circumspect than usual about their monstrous appetites. Amy gnawed a whole roast chicken down to bare, dry bones in less than four minutes, with sweet baked beans, loaded with smoked wallowbear hamhocks and half a pan of biscuits following right after. Her salad bowl would feed a small horse or donkey all by itself. The others were no less voracious, consuming heaps of the rich, ripe produce of the vast, magical garden around their home and a terrifying quantity and variety of grilled, roasted, fried and stewed beasts and monsters. Kermal and Joco bailed out three courses in, when Larry went into the kitchen with Wilf to ¡®stir fry up a little something¡¯. The two huge men dragged the corpse of a possessed, monster serpent of some kind out of the ¡®walk in fridge¡¯ and began disassembling it with huge knives, while chatting amiably. ¡°...hunted it down in the hills yesterday, it had three heads and a bladed whip for a tail. Nasty venom too, it got half a dozen sheep and the shepherd¡¯s dog.¡± Wilf rumbled, as his carved the meat from its bones with confident strokes of his blade. ¡°What was the hide like?¡± Larry asked, while he wielded a massive cleaver, separating the long corpse into manageable chunks for his older brother. ¡°Toughest scales I¡¯ve seen in a while, skin feels super durable and flexible too, it¡¯s gonna make nice armor.¡± The big man sighed happily, contemplating his crafts, while his hands performed their task, nearly by rote memory. The two human men retired to a sofa by the fire, while the Wards and her radiance devoured enough vittles to feed a double strength platoon of troopers on patrol. ¡°Terrifying, when they are all together¡­ I was worried one of them might mistake me for some exotic dish and snatch me up.¡± Jocko muttered quietly through a dark chuckle. ¡°Most of them are distressingly large.¡± The compact ninja sat back and watched with interest, as they devoured all that came before them. ¡°Shh, don¡¯t embarrass them, we will want to dive back in soon¡­ you don¡¯t want to miss dessert, they really shine there!¡± Kemal Singh whispered, watching his tiny, beautiful wife crunch down a fair sized melon, rind and all. She held the ripe, golden honey melon like a beachball and chomped into it with a bright smile on her sticky, kissable lips. The noble party trundled in not long after they finished washing up, sparking a second round, which amy characterized as an ¡®evening snack¡¯. ¡°That falls neatly into the schedule, between early dinner, late dinner, late snack and midnight snack¡­¡± She explained, indicating with her father¡¯s bronze tipped bamboo rod, exactly where this meal stood in the complex hierarchy. To the hungry, tired noblemen and their escorts, and the squad of Adventurers that had tagged along, including Ivy and Dannyl, it was a feast. Fresh loaves of bread, and bowls of a hot, spicy, shellfish and tomato stew that was a house specialty hit the tables more quickly than expected. That was joined by a farmer¡¯s market stall of salad vegetables and enough ¡®roast¡¯ for everyone¡­ When pressed on what the day¡¯s ¡®roast¡¯ was, Wilf did his best to avoid a direct answer. ¡°We have soy marinade, honey glazed and garlic herb crusted¡­¡± He replied, when asked what kind of ¡®roast¡¯ it might be. ¡°It¡¯s monster pit viper¡­ a big one.¡± Amy announced happily. ¡°Anybody that¡¯s too good to eat monster, can stick to salad¡­ Wait, are these the monster daikon radishes we fought earlier this week?¡± ¡°Gods, I love this house.¡± Sir Kermal whispered to his sneaky friend, as they gasped and tried to digest, while a swarm of nobles and guards attacked the mountains of food. # The next morning, after a breakfast that nearly ended the life of a large trooper; who¡¯d independently decided that he would eat more than Amy¡­ the Wards split off to chase their pursuits. For Amy, that meant sailing Moonrise on the wide lake and fishing with her mother and the three captains. A tranquil day on the lake was just the antidote for their troubles¡­ ¡°Aye, another harpoon lass, ¡®tis nearly spent, this big beastie!¡± Shai called from the prow, where she stood on the very edge, on a railing, gripping one of the mainstays with one hand and casting another barbed weapon at her prey. The thing was a muddy brown color, irregularly speckled with indistinct dark colors, under a thick, viscous clear slime coating. Twenty five feet long and eight feet wide at its vaguely arrow shaped ¡®head¡¯, the blood-fluke mud leech was a dangerous creature that blurred the lines between predator and parasite. It would lurk in murky, silty waters, lying on the bottom until disturbed, then latch its ringtoothed, gnashing, blood drinking bone grinding maw onto the victim and either suck it dry of blood, before devouring it, or simply consume smaller creatures alive. The beast¡¯s trick lay in their toxic slime and potent lightning ability, concealed behind the mucus barrier, waiting to kill or stun any prey that fought back. Many warriors had discovered the perils of jabbing a metal weapon into one of the rare beasts, while in metal armor and standing in water. For Shai¡¯s part, her hair stood out in a flaming red corona around her head, as she hurled another harpoon into the tough, rubbery hide. Stunned fish littered the lake surface, following their battle across the deep expanse in a long line. Birds and other predators were having a fine time, despite the titanic struggle raging across the mountain lake. # On the shore, a man sat his massive horse, watching the battle unfold, his hands twitching on his reins in time to the flow of combat. ¡°We missed out, Annie¡­¡± Sir Khan, master Adventurer of the Wheatford guild sighed through his elegant and well waxed ¡®stache. He patted his enormous mount¡¯s neck and turned her hooves toward the inn, just visible on the shoreline below. ¡°Wake up love, we¡¯re home.¡± He whispered into his cloak, waking his wife from her slumber on his lap. Wilf was in the boatshed attached to his house on the shore, working on Seahorse; the boat he¡¯d ¡®helped¡¯ his father build, when he was a little lad of three. The studious, sober, quiet boy had watched nearly every phase of the construction with rapt attention¡­ Which showed in the careful, precise and thoughtful work he was putting into the weather worn vessel. She¡¯d been run aground, rammed into monsters, hauled up and down the waterways in all weather and conditions and it showed. Battered and worn, her strakes were a bit uneven, after too many impacts, her keel needed a fresh bronze cladding and a number of rivets had broken or were missing entirely. Much of her caulking was exposed and worn, but she was still sturdy and robust. Faint lines of script and runes spidered over every metal surface, structural beam and spar on the boat, binding it together and strengthening every piece of the magical cruiser. The lines had been carved in by his papa as he built the boat from raw lumber and metal ingots, one piece at a time. Crafted with loving care and the strange, musical magic he spun from his fingers and very soul, when working on a labor of love, only skilled hands could repair her. Shirtless and sweating, with a song whistling from his lips as he worked a plane down a long strip of red oak, destined to replace a damaged section of the hull, the big man was fully engrossed in his task. When Annie chuffed and stamped a delicate hoof behind him, she had his full attention in moments. ¡°Sweeet!¡± He sang, merrily, while hugging the enormous horse around her neck. ¡°Let me find a grenadier pear for you, auntie!¡± Luna and Khan watched with amusement as the lad fretted and fussed over his childhood babysitter and ignored them entirely, as always. ¡°It¡¯s good to be home¡­¡± The tattooed woman murmured warmly. # ¡°We¡¯ll get you boys as well equipped as we can, but as for traveling expenses¡­ I don¡¯t have much in coin.¡± Gary murmured to the four triplets, down in his workshop. ¡°It¡¯s pretty embarrassing, but being a crippled, mad witch doesn¡¯t pay well¡­ I do all my trade in barter.¡± He sighed utterly embarrassed by this turn of events. ¡°We weren¡¯t asking for money, papa¡­ we want your permission to go Adventuring.¡± Larry said firmly. ¡°We will be fine on money.¡± ¡°Really? I won¡¯t say I¡¯m not nervous¡­ terrified of the idea, but you¡¯re young men now¡­ If you want my permission, you don¡¯t need it, if you want my approval¡­ I¡¯d rather you stayed home where it¡¯s safe.¡± He murmured, sinking deeper into abject embarrassment. ¡°I can sell some stuff, maybe get a loan from Liam¡­¡± ¡°Hey, guys¡­ Can we cut the crap?¡± Harry demanded, from his armor and gear stand in the corner. ¡°Seriously, why are we still hiding it?¡± All four boys looked at each other for a silent moment and shrugged as one being. ¡°Papa¡­¡± Harry began after a breathless moment. ¡°We¡¯re stupid rich, always have been.¡± He smiled awkwardly. ¡°Mama, Becky and the ¡®Muffins swore us to secrecy, but we think you deserve to know.¡± ¡°Stupid rich.¡± Barry agreed. ¡°You created an ointment that cures armor rash and jock itch, like three months after you got here¡­ That stuff is more popular than the violet healing ointment and Fuckbutter combined.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± Gary began, as his stomach fell down a deep well. ¡°I¡¯m rich?¡± ¡°Yeah, Papa¡­ You have what uncle Ward calls ¡®fuck you¡¯ money. He thought keeping it secret from you was too hilarious¡­¡± Larry mumbled. ¡°I¡¯m rich¡­?¡± He spoke very softly and gently to his own shoulder. ¡°Kree, did you know?¡± She pushed her tiny face out of his hair and yawned. ¡°About what?¡± She demanded haughtily. ¡°About the shiny chips of metal you humans trade about among each other?¡± She shook herself free of his hair and hovered in front of his face with her hands on her hips. ¡°The only gold I care for is my honey, why should I care for your things if you don¡¯t bother to?¡± ¡°I guess that¡¯s true¡­ so all this time¡­?¡± He sagged down on his stool and sighed. ¡°Does everybody know?¡± ¡°Only the family knows, all the money is held by the Ginger Dreadnaught company. Shai and Ivy run the business side with Esperanza.¡± Harry confessed eagerly. ¡°I¡¯ve always hated keeping this secret, it¡¯s stupid.¡± He sighed. ¡°Collect your gear, boys¡­ I gotta go have an argument with your mom.¡± Gary grumbled, with a strange light shining in his eyes; it was a slow simmering anger and something much darker and more primitive. # Khan and Luna watched the boy work, slowly but surely putting the boat back to rights. He used a wooden mallet and wedge to snug up some fresh oakum in a leaking seam and sighed with satisfaction. ¡°She was holding up better than I thought¡­¡± He murmured, scritching his giant horsie assistant on her massive dinner plate of jaw muscle. ¡°We¡¯re done here.¡± He sighed softly, with deep satisfaction. ¡°I even scrubbed her down from stem to stern¡­¡± Annie chuffed in agreement and pulled the control lever on his crane device with her square, white teeth. With ponderous grace, the small ship lowered down from the rafters of the boatshed, toward the placid waters of the lake. The young man watched with pleasure as his horsey friend operated the boatlift controls skillfully, the boat slowly gliding to its berth. ¡°Just in time, too.¡± He whispered, as Moonrise silently docked at the pier a few dozen yards away, below the main house. Khan, Luna and Annie followed the big craftsman out to greet the sailors, once he¡¯d secured the newly refloated vessel in the boatshed mooring. Amy and Shai were the last off the boat, after their haggard and stressed crew departed on exhausted, stumbling legs. A few of the off duty warriors and retainers of the noble parties had offered to crew for the two women, expecting a tranquil day of fishing and cruising the waterways¡­ The monstrous leech, flatworm, electric eel creature had put up a hellacious fight, battling for nigh three hours, hammering up and down the lake first pursuing, then pursued as the stealthy ambush hunter discovered it was the prey. Now it was in tow, bobbing on the tranquil waters, a limp and disgusting wreck, studded with harpoons and ballista bolts. Wilf seemed excited by the hideous corpse, just as Rio came trotting from the stables, smiling with eagerness at his sister¡¯s loud call. ¡°We skewered something gross! Come poke around in the corpse!¡± Predictably, their father came out of the main house as well, emerging from the cellar door that led directly into his workshop. Less predictably, he had no attention or care for the disgusting mass of flesh they towed home, instead he took Shai by the wrist and smiled weakly at the kids. ¡°You kids handle this for a while¡­ Your mom and I need to¡­ talk.¡± He grumbled angrily. ¡°In private.¡± ¡°I just finished refitting Seahorse¡­ She¡¯s in my boatshed.¡± Wilf mumbled nervously, hoping to derail his father¡¯s unpredictable mood swing. ¡°Perfect.¡± He growled, missing the lad¡¯s convenient conversational off ramp and hitting the gas. ¡°We need to talk, Shai.¡± He reiterated, as he started walking down the shore toward Wilf¡¯s place, dragging her along behind. A few minutes later, the sturdy little craft eased out of the shed and cruised for the middle of the lake, silently cutting the still waters with her sharp prow, her regal horsie figurehead leading the way. ¡°We told him about the family finances.¡± Harry admitted proudly. ¡°He was really beating himself up over not being able to ¡®finance the team properly¡¯. ¡°Oh¡­ Shit.¡± Wilf mumbled awkwardly. ¡°Yeah, double dogshit.¡± Rio agreed. ¡°We¡¯ll see, boys, we¡¯ll see what happens.¡± Amy sighed dejectedly. ¡°I need a bath, that thing was disgusting.¡± # Ch: 45 Little Boy Blue Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 45 Little Boy Blue ¡°He seemed really pissed off¡­ like, properly angry.¡± Rio muttered crossly, looking out at the boat that was swiftly headed for the deepest parts of the lake, as evening slowly closed in. ¡°They¡¯ll be fine¡­¡± Becky urged the rest of the guests inside, so that the kids could get to work on the horrible, slimy corpse tied to the dock beside Moonrise, the family¡¯s primary yacht. ¡°He must have suspected¡­ We have two freaking magic yachts, not even counting mine!¡± ¡°Three now, we captured that pirate ship; she has some really impressive and clever spellwork in her ballast hold.¡± Wilf called up from the half flayed monster cadaver he was mostly buried in. ¡°I¡¯ve been experimenting along those lines¡­ Oh! Neato!¡± He dove under, slipping beneath the vile, gelatinous surface of flatworm entrails and monster slime, reappearing a moment later with a deep, gasping breath. ¡°Electrical energy generating organelles¡­ Some kind of magical energy conversion in the mitochondria¡­¡± He sputtered through a thick coating of toxic slime. ¡°That makes sense, it¡¯s got a pretty complex and heavily shielded nervous system for a worm class monster, just no brain to speak of.¡± Rio agreed from nearer the fluke, where he was dissecting one of its pumpkin sized, primitive eyes. ¡°Well, those nerds are good and distracted¡­¡± Becky whispered to Amy, while obviously listening intently to their surprisingly erudite exchange¡­ for a pair of workmen hacking up a slimy monster corpse. ¡°I¡¯m serious, your folks will be fine. They¡¯ve been needing to have this fight for years and the time was never right to touch it off.¡± ¡°Yeah, but he looked furious, and mama Shai seemed a little worried too. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen him look like that¡­¡± ¡°He never let you kids see the real Gary, the one bottled up inside that he keeps firmly tangled in his own conflicts and desires¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Even after all these years, even in the condition he¡¯s in. When he lets it show, the world needs to brace itself for what¡¯s coming next.¡± ¡°You aren¡¯t making me feel any better about this, Becks¡­¡± The taller girl whispered to her auntie, or sister¡­ whatever. ¡°He¡¯d never hurt her, no matter what¡­¡± Becky sighed, hugging Amy close. In that tender, silent moment, the sound of voices raised in anger drifted across the water, floating on the rising mist, followed by the ringing slap of a hand hitting flesh. ¡°...And she¡¯s nearing bronze rank¡­¡± Becky continued, as another battle raged on the once tranquil lake, her words nearly lost in a feminine cry of pain and startlement. # The boys emerged from their reeking corpse, slathered in unguessable filth and all manner of crud. Fortunately, the leech slime plugged their ears, leaving them blissfully unaware of the violent argument on the distant boat. The sounds were only audible to those with keener than mortal senses, once the mist rose off the lake, hiding the boat from view as well. The discord eventually fell quiet, long after the moons had risen and turned the fog shrouded, tree covered valley into a dreamland of drifting, ragged shreds of vapor. # Gary crashed back against a bulkhead, flung across the boat by her kick to his middle. He brought his hand around bloody from a careful exploration of his back, where she¡¯d slashed him savagely with clawed nails. ¡°That¡¯s it, woman!¡± He snarled, fury radiating in waves from his bruised face. ¡°Aye, that¡¯s all ye hae? Ye wretched brute?¡± She sneered. ¡°Tis nae mine fault ye are nae clever enough tae suss things out, even when they be terrible obvious!¡± She barked a cruel laugh at him. ¡°Now get yer arse back over here, Richboy! Ye hae nae finished spanking tender Shai, fer deceiving yer regal self; as tae yer awful, wretched wealthiness!¡± She waved her red, inflamed bottom at him and smiled. ¡°Ye struck a tender spot; an were kicked fer yer pains. Now ye must even out the starboard cheek, lest yer humble wife sit uneven on the morrow!¡± ¡°If I leave you in any condition to sit at all¡­¡± He growled, as he leapt back into the fray, the claw marks she¡¯d dragged down his back completely forgotten, along with the red, tender condition of his own battered bottom. ¡°That¡¯s the spirit, lad o¡¯mine. Show yer disobedient lass the error o¡¯ her ways!¡± Her brogue drawled and lilted like never before, as he clambered over and started warming up her slightly less inflamed right asscheek with the palm of his hand. She squirmed and writhed in his lap, wriggling and giggling between swats, and gasping delightfully when each landed. His own battered bottom gave out eventually; as they sprawled together on the cushions and bedding they had scattered everywhere in a vain attempt to keep the newly cleaned and refurbished boat from getting¡­ Anyway. # As silence fell on the still lake, the last faint sound drifted up from the mist shrouded surface somewhere in the white expanse of fog, sounding strangely distorted and oddly inhuman and triumphant. ¡°I¡¯m on a boat!¡± They lay there, entangled in blissful sleep, drifting at anchor; both of their battered, tender backsides turned to the silent fog shrouded sky. Those twinned, bright red beacons called to those who knew what to look for. Ward, God of Death and Vengeance smiled from his distant perch, high up in a pine tree on a far hillside and sighed softly. ¡°About fucking time those two smashed that out.¡± He whispered to Xyll, his familiar and first of his sacred beasts. ¡°What do you think? A year, maybe less?¡± Possessing the shape and the appearance of a fruit eating vampire bat, she had been torn from a mortal, human soul in the utter extremis of pain and desperation and then crafted, shaped into a new form; one wholly different from her previous existence. She had felt her equal and counterpart in Gary, when they met, so long ago. At her core, Xyll remained the lost, remnant deathcry of a good and honest man, sacrificed in his own home by a dark cult. His desperate, unnatural and deranged final act as a living man had birthed her from a magical fig tree, standing above an underground chamber of horrors. The gentle, peaceful lord of a humble farming barony had spent his last ragged scraps of sanity and unguessable gulfs of his undead, imprisoned, time, pain, misery and torment to create a new form of half life¡­ A desperate cry for help, made manifest in shadow and spirit; Xyll, remnant shade of a tortured soul, given life by his fading Will. She¡¯d joined Gary¡¯s little colony of humans, when they¡¯d met by chance in the wilds and had lived his daylit life, hidden in his shadows and rafters for a time, until Gary and his team had stumbled on the dark secret of Xyll¡¯s own forgotten origin, all unknowing. Together, they had shattered the demonic ritual binding her former life¡¯s essence into a horrible slug monster of undeath and vile corruption, after putting paid to the wretched thing for good and all. The bond she shared with her host was strong and sweet, welcoming and warm; but he had no space left in his heart for her to join, lest he turn onto a darker path and join her in undying darkness, alone¡­ as she had been. His occult, semi divine brother, Ward had appeared without warning; another shattered soul, warped from its natural shape and left alone in darkness. He was a forgotten victim and incomplete remnant of a similar occult misadventure, imprisoned in his own petrified heart long ago, as humans measure things. Seeing what the two beings needed, with a little help from an understanding dryad, Gary had released her, with deep sorrow; allowing her to be fully embraced into Ward¡¯s own damaged soul, the way poor Gary never could allow her to truly join with his. That act of generosity had healed the pair of them; in the process, becoming one bonded, properly immortal being, from two incomplete fragments of violent, eldritch experimentation. Poor Gary remained, adrift, broken and now cursed by petty and silly immortals from the divine realm. Xyll ruffled her vaporous, incorporeal essence in irritation at her friend¡¯s prolonged disability and gave a squeak of ultra high pitched¡­ something that was neither sound nor magic, but both and more as well. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯ll see.¡± Ward answered softly. ¡°The kids are finally shaping up though¡­ who do we know that they might want to meet? Are there any of your siblings still around?¡± She fluttered a negative response at her other half. Of the several dozen similar shades spawned in the events that created her; only she had found a home in a mortal soul and lingered beyond her original¡¯s sweet, joyous departure from his torment. He¡¯d finally been released, by her odd and sweetly sad, musical friend. The one that was out on the lake, once again pummeling his wife¡¯s nethers raw; with his own, increasingly battered member. # ¡°Ow!¡± He gasped, when sunlight streamed into his eyes, through a curtain of red-gold hair. Shai barely stirred, disturbed by his involuntary cry, before her own gasp of pain brought him fully awake. ¡°You ok, love?¡± He gasped, as rolling over sent jolts of molten iron, charged with lightning through his own lower quarter as well. ¡°Owie¡­¡± ¡°Aye, lad... Owie indeed.¡± She panted. ¡°Ye did batter me nigh onto death wi that awful thing!¡± Too exhaused to fumble around in her boy¡¯s storage gift, she popped the latches on the ship¡¯s first aid kit and pulled out a packet of violet cubes of waxy, healing unguent. Together they smeared each other lovingly and thoroughly with the slick, slippery, soothing gel. It was a little too soothing, her gentle touch stirred the battered, ragged scrap of gristle that was the remnant of his cock, back to a hideous mockery of life. ¡°Owww!¡± He clutched at the bruised organ and fended her off with his free hand. That caused her to sit down firmly on a bench seat¡­ an unpadded, oak bench seat. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. ¡°Oww! I should hae thought to use a mite o¡¯ fuckbutter, lad.¡± She moaned, as the pair of young idiots giggled, gasped and whined their way back to the inn, on the no longer tidy boat. They emerged at home, stepping gingerly onto the dock dressed in bathrobes, since actual clothing would touch places too battered for even silk to caress. Becky and Kermal were sitting on the waterside patio, watching as they tied up to Wilf¡¯s place and smiled at the big smith woman and her husband in mingled smugness, embarrassment and joy. ¡°Don¡¯t look at us that way¡­ we¡¯re independently wealthy, when we do weird stuff it¡¯s just eccentric, not crazy.¡± Gary declared, before kissing his wife firmly. Her lips were still in fine shape, even after so much¡­ ¡°Aye, this man o¡¯ mine be a wealthy eccentric, lass! Dinnae ye ferget that¡­¡± Her brogue was still as heavy and thick as cold honey, as she snuggled into his arms carefully and smiled. They swaggered up towards the house¡­ for two steps, before their strut of cocky satisfaction devolved into a pained shamble, leaning on each other in turns, as each one suffered in different ways. Shai staggered, half bent over; tenderly pressing her wide spread hand to her lower abdomen, almost indelicately low down. ¡°Fie, an I stand straight, me very innards shall fall out, on tae me sandals¡­¡± She gasped in faux anger at her boy, who was having his own troubles. He stumbled along in a clumsy, pained bow legged gait, as though some portions of his anatomy were swollen, or had been battered to rubble. He propped her up when he could, leaning on her when he had to, in a strange, hobbling, intimate dance of broken booties and mangled meat. Eventually they shambed to the baths, a sign sprang up at the entrance to the private pool, reading: PRIVATE! To make things abundantly clear. Their twinned sighs of relief and pleasure when they sank into the baths, were sweet music to the kids¡¯ ears, out in the common room. The two supposed grownups still kept up their pantomime of a slow simmering domestic dispute, for reasons of their own. ¡°Kink?¡± Wilf asked Rio. ¡°Kink.¡± Amy and Rio replied in harmony. ¡°Gross.¡± All three sighed, with happy, relieved smiles on their faces. The battered duo of giants glared, harrumphed, avoided meeting eyes or addressing each other in the intimate steamy baths; all while remaining in contact, hip to hip or butt to butt at all times. They were soon joined in the water by the older members of the family; and several close friends lingering in anticipation of a quarrel breaking out between the two¡­ despite the sign. ¡°Are you guys¡­ ok?¡± Luna asked with a good measure of her usual, bluff and forthright straightforwardness. The woman was as direct as the spear she wielded so ably. ¡°Aye, Luna. Tis an untroubled home, this little inn of ours.¡± She said, with a distinct emphasis on the last word. ¡°Does some ungainly, ignorant lout spoil me domestic tranquility?¡± She was double secret certain that she was not looking Gary¡¯s way when she said that. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s all good¡­ The offender would have to be sneaky; really, really sneaky, to pull the wool over my eyes¡­ and keep it there.¡± Gary growled, with no subtext, whatsoever. ¡°Aye? What need be there, tae put a sack over an already dense and wooden head?¡± She asked sweetly. ¡°Any wi eyes tae see would know that this home be at peace¡­¡± Her angry green eyes bored into the mist and steam of the baths, as they both glared daggers at no one, especially each other. ¡°Only a very great fool would think otherwise.¡± ¡°I dunno, sometimes people we trust turn out to be sneaky-sneaks, with sneakiness hidden in their sneaky hearts¡­ sneakily.¡± The big man grumbled. ¡°Aye, an some do drift about, wi their heads all in the clouds, heedless of whae all might clearly see. An such a one steps in a hole, tis his own fault an trouble, duly earnt.¡± She smiled sweetly and combed her hair in the bath, letting the wet coppery strands slide across his face and shoulders, since they were sitting back to back and butt to butt; leaning against and rocking each other to the beat of their hearts, in perfect time, as always. ¡°Seriously, I can¡¯t tell if you two are going to smash right here, or start cutting slices from each other¡­ the smart money is on both.¡± Luna said with a wicked grin. Both of them turned bright red and sank down in the water, ¡®til only their drifting hair touched the surface and they stayed down there for an awkwardly long time. Eventually, Gary popped back to the surface with a legit angry look on his face. He glared at Joco, Gabbie, Khan and Luna with undisguised fury and no small amount of affection. ¡°Guys¡­ we¡¯ve never angry fucked before¡­ it¡¯s really great, you should try it. We didn¡¯t get it all worked out last night¡­ So get lost!¡± He growled. ¡°Killing the vibe!¡± ¡°Upsie daisies Khan, Joco, Gabbie¡­ Away we go, we¡¯re intruding¡­ You should put up a sign.¡± She burbled happily, as she ducked under the sign she¡¯d ducked under when she dragged Khan in by the hand, over his protestations. ¡°I like her, she¡¯s crazy, not eccentric like us¡­¡± Gary sighed at Luna¡¯s retreating form, followed by the folks she¡¯d pulled along in the first place. ¡°Where were we?¡± ¡°I dinnae ken, ¡®twas some matter of a rich, powerful man, taking cruel advantage of a poor, humble inn lassie.¡± She murmured, nuzzling his chin. ¡°I did hear he lured the poor dear tae the baths, wi dark designs on his mind¡­¡± ¡°Oh, in that case, attend my bath, girl¡­¡± He sneered in the lisping upmarket accent of the local minor nobility. # With their parents safely sorted out and Seahorse, once again tidied up by Wilf and Amy, the kids reconvened down in Wilf¡¯s workshop. The big lad passed his tray around, holding seven finely wrought silver pendants, each one holding an inscribed black pearl the size of a large pea. They glistened wetly, their oily, polychromatic and iridescent sheen unmarred by the magical inscriptions graven deeply into the free floating, spinning jewels. Somehow the jewels were suspended in the setting, resisting any attempt at removal, but equally, free to revolve or spin in any direction, while offering a faint feeling that they might just spin in any direction, any at all. The Jewel of Pain, cursed object. Enchanted; spiritual, divine, etheric, fae. Unranked. Minor mana drain, minor sensory feedback enchantment. ¡°These will simulate a low grade spiritual attack on your Animus, it should feel like a mild, spiritual sunburn. That will stimulate your aura constantly, hardening your defenses against spiritual attacks.¡± Wilf explained quietly. ¡°We learned that in basic aura cultivation¡­¡± Harry sighed unhappily. ¡°We aren¡¯t babies with soggy diapies.¡± ¡°We can¡¯t activate our auras while we¡¯re asleep, doofus. That¡¯s the problem!¡± Larry gently chided him, while Perry unloaded a brotherly ear flick on the youngest Ward. ¡°Exactly, only a being with whom you have actual resonance, or a bonded Contract, will be able to enter, manipulate or draw you out of your dreams. That means only a being you fully trust can touch you without initiating an actual spiritual attack.¡± ¡°A spiritual attack?¡± Larry asked, once Harry was done complaining. ¡°If a being has identified your light from among the near infinite number of living and otherwise active beings on this world, they can still contact you¡­ which you can refuse.¡± Wilf explained patiently. ¡°Only by actually attacking you spiritually can they force an encounter¡­ Which is forbidden under divine law and is a risky proposition for both parties.¡± ¡°And if they get froggy and decide to jump?¡± Barry demanded sharply. ¡°They¡¯re getting pretty aggressive lately, I imagine our new Contracts will piss her off even more.¡± ¡°With these on, any attacker will receive a unique and unpredictable curse effect¡­ I have no idea how it¡¯s going to work in that case. It could be anything!¡± Wilf was smiling brightly and bouncing on his butt like a little kid and spinning on his stool every few seconds. ¡°Whoah, slow down big guy!¡± Amy called out. When Wilf got like this it was always trouble. ¡°I see I¡¯m just in time, kids¡­ Lady Dana has; as we say in the council of the divines, ¡®shit her robes¡¯. She¡¯s done a thorough job of it too.¡± Ward said calmly, as he stepped from the shadows. ¡°In your own homes, now that you are of age, your invitations allow me to pass freely, children.¡± He sighed happily, before they could ask. ¡°Yet another bond falls away, soon perhaps more¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t try and get all mystical, Ward. we know you¡¯re just a big horny chuni.¡± Rio whispered from inside his uncle¡¯s hug, the one the scary Death god hadn¡¯t realized was going on already. ¡°Yes, kids, I am at that¡­¡± He sighed warmly, as every flower in the garden bloomed and turned its blossoms to face the sun, high above. ¡°Let¡¯s leave your folks alone for the day, who¡¯s for a trail ride?¡± He demanded, drawing the bike his brother had created just for him from some deeply strange materials. Somehow the physical and real material object was capable of being manifested in the divine realm, since it was crafted from Golden Fig lumber, harvested with the assistance of the dryad in charge of that species. Ward loved to pull sweet bike stunts in front of the other gods, just for funzies. ¡°Today is gonna kick ass.¡± It did kick ass, it kicked all their asses, leaving the four triplets crashed out in Rio¡¯s cottage above the river and the others asleep in Wilf¡¯s place, just down the embankment on the riverside. # Dana, the Balm in Man¡¯s Troubles, yanked her avatar back from the gleaming soap bubble that contained the mortal fragment, Barry¡¯s dreams. She shook her hand a few times, a look of consternation running across her features for a moment, before she reached out again, much more forcefully. Again she was repulsed, with even more vigor, renewing the odd phenomenon in her avatar¡¯s hand. A wash of alien emotions flooded her essence, leaving the goddess dizzy and¡­ furious. She lashed out, striking a ringing slap to the fragile mortal bubble before her. It jiggled abominably, shimmying and bouncing away, to vanish among so many others. That was no matter, she could find it again. Still lost in strange new emotions and foreign sensations, she turned to the first of her confidantes. ¡°What is this?¡± Dana demanded archly, as she stared in wonder at her hand. It had turned bright red and was emitting a new sensation into the Healer¡¯s divine essence, through her avatar. ¡°Caduceus, is this¡­ Pain? Have I been¡­ burnt by a hot stove¡­? Is that what this is?¡± ¡°Yes, my lady, that is my diagnosis¡­¡± He whispered in abject, trembling terror and fury. ¡°But I have no healing unguents nor soothing balms for the divine¡­¡± A quiet, angry voice spoke behind the deities, shaking them from their discussion. ¡°No, you do not. That is the domain of mortals¡­ like the one you just attempted to enforce your will on¡­ Despite a number of unambiguous refusals.¡± Marduk offered calmly. ¡°To attack a mortal soul so¡­ This has never been done.¡± He spoke coldly and with a keen, bitter edge to his words. ¡°Mortals are of no real moment, in the greater cycle of things¡­¡± Caduceus sniffed disdainfully. ¡°What is concerning is the state of my lady Dana¡¯s hand.¡± ¡°Gods do not have a unique hold on curses, mortals work their own, at times.¡± Marduk replied coldly, like a chill wind coming down from the heights. ¡°This is a working of craft, Will, Mind and Animus, a mortal working.¡± He sounded a little smug at the end there. ¡°Impossible! No mortal arts can touch the divine realm! It cannot be done!¡± Baba Yaga, the witch of the deep forest insisted, in her creaky, ancient voice of sinister and somehow motherly care. ¡°She touched him.¡± Ipet announced, her words a brazen gong on the quiet heavens. ¡°To attack a mortal soul, you must be willing to risk harm yourself, harm you have just received.¡± She roared at the gathered coterie of divines, clustered around Dana. The hippo headed, jewelry bedecked, nearly nude goddess of Justice announced her presence with a thunderclap and the sound of a brazen door slamming closed. ¡°Do you forget that you trouble the kin of one who is MINE?!¡± Her voice shook the heavens, clanging and ringing out across the realm in a cacophony that called the divines and immortals to witness. In a timeless moment, the gathered courts of the fae, most of the active lesser immortals and spirits and all of the major deities and spirits were present; summoned by the Will of a goddess in the fullness and proper exercise of her remit. ¡°Dana, goddess of Healing¡­ you have committed a crime.¡± She called out for all to hear. ¡°Your essence has been bound into this avatar and will be unable to escape for some time. During that period, your right upper extremity will suffer a status condition that mortals call ¡®Burnt¡¯.¡± She smiled, her hippo lips peeling back from her tusks unpleasantly. ¡°As in, ¡®you¡¯ve been burnt¡¯. This condition will persist until released by the mortal you assaulted, or until that mortal¡¯s death.¡± ¡°Acceptable¡­¡± Baba Yaga murmured, a wicked smile on her craggy face. ¡°Mortals are fragile, I will send a¡­¡± ¡°Remember who you face, Witch.¡± Ipet sneered. ¡°And what happened to every other immortal who has meddled carelessly with my first mortal cultist.¡± ¡°I hate to be late to a party.¡± Ward mumbled, as he slouched up, dressed in an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt with nearly naked hula girls scattered among the hyacinths and hibiscus. He hitched up his bright white cargo shorts, curled his toes in his sports sandals and tipped a wide, shady straw hat back on his head. His smile was oily, unctuous and brought to mind a coiled black adder, waiting to strike the unwary or foolish. ¡°Dana, I¡¯ve let you play your games and pester my kids, mostly cause you¡¯re amazing in the sack¡­ but funtime Ward is on vacation now.¡± He sneered coldly. ¡°I literally just finished telling them that you would never, ever be stupid enough, arrogant enough or just plain crazy enough to actually force the issue¡­ you made a liar of me in front of my kids.¡± Dana tried to sputter in rage and deny his accusations, but this ¡®pain¡¯ thing was building into an intense, distressing sensation. ¡°Enough.¡± She gasped, clutching her hand and turning pale. ¡°I withdraw¡­ undo your curse, Ipet.¡± ¡°Not my curse, Dana¡­ the mortals wrought this, only they can release it¡­ I feel like we just went over that part. Are you paying attention? Perhaps you are distracted by the rewards of your own actions?¡± She asked sweetly, smiling so pleasantly that the goddess¡¯ new friend, ¡®pain¡¯ intensified further, drawing a moan from the divine lips. ¡°Perhaps I can intercede with him¡­¡± Marduk offered, with a cruel smile. ¡°I think Ward is currently unwilling to aid you in the light of your most recent folly.¡± ¡°True, ducky, very true!¡± The formerly mortal being chirped merrily, smiling winsomely, when the goddess moaned and writhed in her latest discovery, ¡®agony¡¯. ¡°Pain is a mortal experience, most divines and immortals never learn this valuable lesson. This will make you so much more effective and compassionate, when it finally ends.¡± He cheered gleefully. His happy, giddy expression melted away a moment later. ¡°Now I need to attend to what none of you who are still here, spared a thought to consider.¡± He muttered, looking cross and disgruntled with the gathered immortals in general. ¡°Marduk and Ipet stayed here to scold, berate and humiliate you, but Thirp and Shiro the Nekomancer have already gone to check on the victim of this assault¡­ A mortal child, one still unripe by two whole, mortal days.¡± He smiled even more cruelly at the sobbing, confused and terrified goddess. ¡°I almost forgot! Another new light has joined the immortal realm¡­¡± The cold, eager light in his eyes was disturbing and manic, as he spoke. ¡°Shiro the Nekomancer is a resident of this domain now, through some obscure means that we will look into¡­ eventually.¡± # Ch: 46 …And The Man In The Moon Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 46 ¡­And The Man In The Moon Gary Ward woke from a terrible, unremembered nightmare, his head throbbing and his mouth, nose, eyes and ears plugged with some kind of clear, silvery snot that tasted vaguely salty¡­ ¡°Gross.¡± He croaked, finding himself naked and alone in an unfamiliar forest. ¡°Where the fuck am I?¡± He demanded softly as he got up out of a shallow crater shaped like his own body. Dense forest surrounded him, as far as he could see. Not the light, breezy upland woods of Foresthome, this was a close packed, fern drenched, moss engulfed, old growth forest untouched by man¡¯s workings in¡­ who could really say? He spent a moment wondering what the fuck a ¡®Foresthome¡¯ was and where the hell he¡¯d found himself... The sun was low on the horizon¡­ or maybe just coming up, if this was a morning chill creeping over his bare skin. Even less encouraging, the upper branches were festooned with spider webs, stretching off in an orderly net as far as the eye could see. No dusty, tattered cobwebs or manky, bundled corpses littered the area, so he wasn¡¯t in anything¡¯s actual lair¡­ unless it was smart. He spent a few moments more, considering where that kind of certain knowledge could have come from. Last thing he remembered, he¡¯d been riding his bike home to his inn by the river in Wheatford¡­ He shook his head wildly in an attempt to clear the fog. Even his name was hazy and indistinct¡­ ¡®Barry? Gary? Wheatford? Home?¡¯ Those thoughts swirled madly in his head as he slowly realized he was standing up straight¡­ His crippled leg and back were not shrieking at him to hunch back over lr fall down¡­ that was super weird¡­ and felt absolutely right. ¡°What¡¯s this? A primate of some kind?¡± A musical voice sang from a shady bough high above. ¡°Who interrupts my meditations with a tasty treat? Who brought me a snack?¡± She asked, scuttling down the tree on six of her shiny black legs. Two forelimbs held a harp made of animal bones, strung with silver threads of spidersilk, played and manipulated by her pedipalps, which drew his gaze to her long, gleaming black fangs. Her shiny, black body bore the red hourglass of a widow, bringing an even larger lump into his throat. ¡°Come out, suitor, I¡¯ve already feasted on my mate, we can have a chat, share this morsel and then you can decide whether to join him in my egg bundle.¡± She sang sweetly, while crawling his way. Nearly four feet tall at the apex of her abdomen, she was at least twice his mass and a very terrifying figure of menace, as she edged closer, peering at Barry¡¯s panic stricken form. ¡°I, uhh¡­ I¡¯m lost, ma¡¯am.¡± He stammered, backing away as carefully as he could on the uneven ground. She stopped in place and slowly scuttled in a half circle one way, and then the other. ¡°Who spoke? Come out, I already promised to ask permission before consuming you.¡± Her harp held a note of irritation and curiosity. ¡°No more games, show yourself.¡± Barry¡­ Or whoever he was, waved at the giant arachnid, lurking a few short yards away. ¡°That¡¯s me.¡± He said very slowly and clearly. ¡°I really, really didn¡¯t come here to be your mate or dinner. I¡¯m just lost.¡± It was at that point that Barry¡­ Yes, Barry realized he wasn¡¯t speaking a human language, rather he was emitting a sweet, soaring whalesong from his lungs. In tone, it was the strangest amalgam of a cello, played with a musical saw and a pipe organ. ¡°Weird¡­¡± He sang in that droning, musical language by instinct, drawing on something that felt right inside himself. ¡°Really, a primate that speaks¡­ interesting, too interesting to eat, I¡¯m afraid¡­¡± She clacked her fangs at him in irritation. ¡°Now I am peckish¡­¡± # ¡°Where the fuck is Barry?¡± Perry demanded, when Ward showed up in Rio¡¯s house, where the boys were bunked, just before dawn. ¡°We heard a loud noise from his room and when we got there, he was gone!¡± ¡°It sounded kinda familiar, like breaking glass and tearing metal.¡± Harry added, a desperate and fearful look in his eyes. ¡°It really set us all on edge, even before we realized he was gone.¡± ¡°First thing, Barry is safe, relatively speaking¡­ Second thing; I¡¯m sorry. I underestimated just how badly Dana is taking this whole business.¡± The family god murmured awkwardly. ¡°The crazy bitch actually slapped him! The sound you heard was the deity of interdimensional fuckery, Truck-kun.¡± He shook his head in wonder at the situation. ¡°She got pissed off and isekaied him one etheric void down the way, into Thirp¡¯s homeworld. Truck-kun is the guardian of lost and broken souls and the guide between realms, her actions summoned him here, nice guy...¡± He sighed tiredly. ¡°Thirp¡¯s working on getting him back now, she¡¯s a pretty big deal there.¡± # Dana, the Healer of Wounds found herself in the awkward position of being actually wounded, and unable to do a single thing about it besides suffer. Her right hand was a red, swollen, throbbing and painful mess, exuding a silver slime and crawling with new and unfamiliar sensations, like itching, burning, crawling skin, electric tingles and zaps, aches and general discomfort in all its many flavors and subtle shades. She was also in huge trouble and was currently being yelled at by yet another in a long line of angry beings, both divine and eldritch. Currently it was a spider of truly awesome size and scope, raining dissatisfaction on her from a very great height. ¡°...the offspring of a personal friend of my ambassatrix to this domain¡­ Can you imagine how embarrassing it would have been, had one of mine consumed him?¡± Aclintherios, the primary deity of a very robust and well connected dimension, just one short etheric void away, was really giving it to the goddess of Healing from next door when Thirp arrived. Her web sacks swelled with pride, as she watched her patron deity crush the prideful and obstinate little bint with his righteous anger. ¡°That entirely discounts the affront of launching a living, corporeal mortal into my realm without so much as asking for permission!¡± He dribbled venom from his fangs, letting Dana know exactly how cross he was. The orange vapor the stuff exuded when exposed to a mortal aura smelt of the finest incense spices and the sap of the chula tree, prized in every realm for the rich, sweet scent it produced. She scuttled away, giggling with excitement at her deity¡¯s silent commands, transmitted into her essence through their bond. With swift, sure movements, she spun a complex veil of webbing between two slender trees and focused her divine and sublime Will onto her lacy construct, opening a doorway into another realm, following the path her quarry had smashed on his sudden, violent trip through the etheric veil. # ¡°Never mind that the lad¡¯s father is a personal friend of mine, whom you have been abusing pretty terribly, from what I hear.¡± The spider deity stood mountain high and valley wide, dominating the area with his essence and power. He stood before them, a notable and potent deity in his own right, with interdimensional law on his side. ¡°Now explain to me why this young primate wound up in the web of one of my followers, who nearly devoured him.¡± Dana found few answers that were satisfactory to the towering being of cosmic might¡­ and his aura of profound arachnid discontent. # Barry was still slowly backing away from the terrifying spider, who seemed content to follow him at a distance. Occasionally she would call out to him, pleading that he stop, before he wound up stumbling into ¡®something dangerous¡¯¡­ ¡°Well then stop following me!¡± He called back, secretly enjoying the experience of singing the sweet, droning song of the spider kin. ¡°My visual acuity is not so great¡­ Yet I am commanded to watch over you; now you insist on fleeing the range of my vision¡­¡± She sang in mild annoyance. ¡°Are you sure I can¡¯t bundle you into a nice snug cocoon?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m good¡­ how close do I have to be, for you to ¡®watch over me¡¯?¡± He asked, feeling a little foolish. ¡°Outside my webs?¡± She played a tinkling spray of icy, crystalline high notes from her bone and silk harp. His strange translation power told him that was a spidery laugh of self deprecating amusement. ¡°I am a lurker in webs and spinner of snares¡­ very close indeed, young monkey.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a hard no.¡± He answered firmly. ¡°I suspected you would be unwilling to stand between my forelimbs¡­ Just as you are unwilling to return to my web and wait there¡­?¡± She sounded faintly hopeful on that last suggestion. ¡°Step into your parlor? I¡¯d rather not, Ma¡¯am.¡± Barry paused when a soft, subtle tearing sound came from behind him. A moment later, the massive black widow bent low, placing herself entirely on the forest floor in an arachnid bow of reverence. Slowly he turned around and found himself facing another gigantic spider. This one was white, as big as a small pony, with tawny, golden lightning bolt markings on her furry body. Somehow he knew this being was female¡­ and vaguely familiar. She scuttled forward in a few quick hops and skitters, sending shivers down his spine. He turned, trying to keep both creatures in his line of sight, without stumbling into, he assumed, even more damn spiders. The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°Barry Ward, My name is Thirp¡­ I¡¯m a friend of your family, though we haven¡¯t met.¡± She spoke the human tongue with an accent and meter similar to his papa¡¯s, as though she¡¯d learned to speak it from him; a suspicion that slowly grew in his mind as she continued. ¡°Blessed Dana, Healer of Wounds has completely, as your father would say, ¡®fucked up¡¯.¡± She giggled a little and bounced on her many, many knees. ¡°She attacked your spiritual form, the capsule of aura and Animus that contains your soul and keeps you tucked inside your body, where your soul touches this place.¡± The giant jumping spider paused to let that sink in and turned to address the enormous black widow still hunkered down humbly and not moving. ¡°Forgive me, mistress Finli¡¯tichintch¡­ Thank you for watching over my young pet¡­ Please return to your brood sack.¡± ¡°Blessings of the day, lady Thirp.¡± The spider whispered, before scuttling away. ¡°I suppose you are not enjoying your visit to my homeworld very much, young Barry¡­ let¡¯s get you home.¡± She scuttled closer and reached for him with her furry forelimbs, moving with a speed that left him stunned. She leapt and sank her fangs into his throat without warning, plunging him into the dark. ¡°That should have been terrifying¡­¡± Was the last cogent thought to run across his mind before the world became a warm, comfy blackness. # Barry tore himself free of his cocoon of silver spider silk and gossamer webs with a horrified gasp of fear and sat up in a near panic; finding himself on a terribly familiar lawn of impossibly perfect wild flowers, beside the standing stones. The standing stones¡­ there was a freaking henge right there and it was a s familiar as his own two hands¡­ ¡°Weird¡­¡± He whispered as memories began to percolate in his slowly reforming identity. He felt himself¡­ jiggly and insubstantial in this place, but more real and immediate than anything here¡­ except for Thirp. That name and the sensation of her near presence jarred him back into being, fully being Barry Ward¡­ Though he could still taste a faint hint of the Gary Ward his father had been, before coming here, and gained a suspicion of the dark secrets that young madman held. He shook that off, as he sensed, somehow¡­ that Thirp was near. A four armed, four legged, white furred, sexy spider girl scuttled closer and smiled winningly. ¡°I am Thirp, in the form most familiar on our shared homeworld.¡± She sang sweetly and bobbed on her knees, just like the jumping spider did. Though, that jumping spider hadn¡¯t been wearing a damnably sexy spiderkini top and a long silken loincloth that displayed a luscious expanse of nearly bare hips; four of them. She hadn¡¯t had bouncy, pale boobies either; fortunately she only had the two pert, perfect, jiggly breasts¡­ Any more would have been a bit too much. Barry nodded along, unconsciously keeping time with the bouncy boobage, drawing another sexy smile from the petite and beautiful creature. ¡°Come along, boy, there is something you should see, before we send you back where you belong.¡± She took him by the hand, her long, slender, eight fingered grip felt warm and natural¡­ and somehow, right. He followed along, docile and compliant, two words seldom used in conjunction with any of the Wards. She led him to the wide, starry meadow near the crater where he¡¯d died¡­ That always sent shivers down his spine, whenever he¡¯d dreamt of this place¡­? That was getting weird. Behind a small copse of flowering camellia bushes, they stopped to peek at a gathering of deities, out beside the blasted ruins. ¡°Here, beings from the outside can communicate more easily with those who dwell in our realm. Listen now, and learn.¡± Thirp whispered. ¡°I will conceal our presence, but please, do not speak.¡± # Out on the edge of the vast meadow, where the blasted, stony crater fell away, amid the scattered ruins and tumbled stones of a shattered cathedral, Dana, goddess of healing and her cronies were getting chewed out pretty badly¡­ By the biggest damn kaiju spider he¡¯d ever imagined in his worst nightmares¡­ Except this creature was urbane and cultured in his speech, with exquisite manners and a goodly splash of godly style. He tore strips from the divines and pasted them back on with his careful precise and very stern words. Each biting, cutting, searing remark and quip landed like a hammerblow, brutally mauling their pride with every syllable. Eventually, the huge spider tired of battering the gods and goddesses with subtle insults and demands that they ¡®Do better, lest you embarrass yourselves further.¡¯ He began to fade away into an unknowable distance, not too far off, judging by a strange, comfy feeling in the base of Barry¡¯s skull. Some faint connection remained to that dim, spider haunted world, just across the veil from the world he knew. ¡°In this place, a deity''s size and authority are directly related to their intellectual state and how closely aligned their activities are, with their divine essence and portfolio¡­¡± Thirp whispered before Barry could ask his real questions. ¡°I have never seen lord Aclintherios in this state¡­ breathtaking, is he not?¡± She gasped breathily, as she hugged closely to his captured arm, rubbing those plump, very human seeming titties against him, without seeming to notice what she was doing¡­ The boy nodded silently, gripping the spider girl¡¯s hand and sweating for all he was worth¡­ He was certain that the being had spotted them and was keeping at least one of his eyes trained on the skulking pair of eavesdroppers. That was almost enough stress to counteract the sensations thrilling his bare arm. That gaze of alien and divine, godly might and benevolent affection washed over the young mortal and his companion in waves of subtle force. Aclintherios¡¯ gaze was impressive, rather than oppressive; that strange energy started a gentle vibration in the boy¡¯s bones, one that felt.. familiar and jiggly. Barry had landed on the unreal surface of the Madman¡¯s moon¡­ in the flesh, rather than in his dream form, giving him some extra insight into the nature of the place. He could feel it, the subtle, jiggling, jello world sensation that still rang and sang in his wobbly, but very comfy bones. ¡°Thirp¡­ How malleable is the matter of this place?¡± He asked the giggling, sniggering being, once her patron had finished gnawing on the ragged dignity of a major goddess of this place. That chilled her laughter and sobered her right up. ¡°Such things are best left alone, they are dangerous to the uninitiated¡­¡± She mumbled awkwardly. ¡°So there is something there, some slow, heavy vibration¡­¡± He began, with a sneaky smile on his face. Lost in his own contemplations and the feelings radiating from the very sexy spider girl hugged up so close to his body, Barry hardly noticed when Dana and her goons drifted away, the goddess softly moaning and whining to her friends, once the big scary spider was out of sight. ¡°Can I¡­ manipulate reality here?¡± He asked Thirp gently. ¡°Oh my¡­ The conclave of gods has broken up, time to send you home now¡­ follow me!¡± She was as unsubtle as a brick to the face, when she wanted to change the subject. She grabbed him by an earlobe, gently and firmly, in a way that spoke of his mother¡¯s influence. She frogmarched the young man away from the scene of Dana¡¯s crimes and into a darkly shady forest, one not unlike what he¡¯d left not long ago. In the dark forest, that new occult bond deepened and sharpened, firming the connection he felt in his skull, hinting at the nearness of that not too distant, deeply alien world. ¡°This is my little domain¡­ here in your father¡¯s secret hideout.¡± Thirp sighed winsomely, drawing the lad¡¯s gaze back to the pale, smooth skinned spider boobs¡­ ¡°Uh, huh¡­¡± He agreed eagerly, with a stupid and familiar smile on his face. ¡°I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m really talking to the goddess of the panty cult¡­¡± He mumbled, abstractedly smiling at the beautiful, alien creature. ¡°Just like your father¡­¡± She sighed with more effort and heaving than was strictly necessary. ¡°I never should have suggested those catalogs¡­¡± Barry flushed bright red with embarrassment, thinking on the stash of those glossy, colorful booklets he had squirreled away, in his super secret hiding spot. As if she¡¯d sensed his errant thought, she smiled even more excitedly and bobbed on her knees, again. ¡°Yes, I know mister MacGruber''s dark secret¡­¡± She whispered, as she crept closer. ¡°Your plush owlbear toy holds more than stuffing in his tummy.¡± When she was so near that the boy could feel her warmth, radiating against his bare skin, she reminded him very clearly that he was still nude¡­ and had been since waking up with the giant widow. The boy gulped with a suddenly very dry throat and stammered: ¡°Uh, lady Thirp¡­ are you busting my balls right now?¡± He asked carefully, as her eight fingered but otherwise human hand caressed his bare chest gently. She looked up at him, so petite and slim, her furry abdomen was barely noticeable bouncing behind her in a way he had to admit, was pretty cute. ¡°Busting your balls? Never¡­¡± She sighed softly, as she edged a little closer. That was when a familiar, male voice had to ruin everything¡­ ¡°No, Barry, Thirp is not toying with you; but she is under the influence of her divine patron¡¯s aura and shares a strong and very real bond with your parents, each of you and all of you together.¡­¡± Ward said softly, as his hand gently landed on the spider girl¡¯s shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s complicated.¡± Harry¡¯s tall weirdly handsome uncle took Thirp gently by the hand and wrapped a tender arm around her many slim shoulders. ¡°Come along, darling¡­ You can apologize to my nephew when your mind clears¡­¡± He kissed her cheek and carefully led her away, deeper into that dark, close forest. ¡°Sorry about that¡­¡± Lord Axio muttered behind him. ¡°She is a wise, sensitive and truly loving being, but her primary deity just put on a clinic in divine judgment and fury¡­ It was pretty¡­ intense.¡± The tiny fae spirit¡¯s calming and soothing voice melted the lad¡¯s stress away in just a few seconds, as the being¡¯s plump, white hand took his, in a very much not sexy way, to his intense relief. ¡°Thirp was to have opened a portal for you, back into your proper world.¡± He bubbled and squeaked merrily at his young cultist. ¡°Sadly, she is indisposed, so it falls to me¡­¡± The short limbed, pudgy aquatic creature led him back into the eternal meadow, arriving at the standing stones in a few short minutes of slow strolling. ¡°In this place, Will, Mind and clear intent matter more than any ¡®reality¡¯ or silly, ¡®physical laws¡¯. That is why your presence and her patron¡¯s influence shook her from good sense and into a more primal¡­ sensual state.¡± ¡°Please, do not think ill of her, when your own senses clear. She would happily Contract with you if that is what you wish, but not until this mess is cleared away¡­¡± Barry¡¯s new patron ambled along slowly, his wide, thick tail sweeping over the grass as he walked and talked. ¡°Where my attention is on the natural cycles of life and death; lady Thirp is deeply rooted in the complexities of human mating and seduction rites, so this is pretty tough on her.¡± He continued in his liquid, watery voice of cool, calm and untroubled peace. ¡°...thus also, we arrive at my little patch of your father¡¯s impossibility in just a few steps¡­¡± Just like that, they stepped around a small colorfully striated desert cliffside and into a land of reeds, willows, shallow lakes and slow moving, crystal clear waterways. Among the lakes, croplands and canals, a towering stone mountain stood, draped in green and growing things. ¡°Bear with me, Barry, I haven¡¯t had a mortal cultist in so very long¡­¡± The tiny being explained, while the boy took it all in. The high, stepped mesa before him had been wrought into a fantastic city of men at some point in the distant past¡­ or future, perhaps both. Verdant with hanging gardens and thronged with shades and spirits, they went about their business, heedless of the living lad and aquatic salamander being, walking among them. Before he knew it, the two stood atop the bustling mesa city, in a jungle grotto, beside a crystal clear spring that bubbled up from the center of the open space. ¡°This is a representation of my home on our world below¡­ or above? Whatever, it¡¯s really complicated and pointless to discuss.¡± He clasped his hands in front of his long, pale belly and smiled, ruffling his crimson gills at the nervous lad. ¡°In any case, the physical world lies on the other side of my spring; dive in and swim deep, my friend; your home lies there.¡± Axio raised one plump, shiny white hand and spoke very carefully, as the boy readied himself for the plunge between worlds. ¡°Dana struck your very soul, an unprecedented act¡­ And one that is in direct and absolute conflict with her very nature.¡± He said very slowly. ¡°You have traveled between worlds and witnessed deities in your mortal guise of flesh, due to these extraordinary conditions¡­ you may awaken¡­ changed. Know that these changes are wrought by your own soul, as a result of these stresses and bizarre occurrences.¡± ¡°What does that mean, Axio? Am I gonna be all fucked and crippled up too?!¡± He demanded of his fae patron, perhaps unwisely. ¡°No, but you will be expanded, increased, or perhaps, simply different¡­¡± He sighed wetly. ¡°Your mother and father know more of what you¡­ and perhaps your brothers also, will experience in the coming days and weeks than any mortal or god. Speak frankly to them about your concerns.¡± Barry paused and thought for a moment, then hugged the plump salamander man and dove into the cold, endless waters, swimming for the unreachable bottom of the pool. # A very carefully not frantic group of kids very slowly and carefully searched the house and grounds for any sign of their missing brother, just in case he¡¯d wandered off. They found nothing, but did attract the maternal gaze within moments. ¡°What be this, boys? What do ye plan?¡± She demanded of the super not suspicious boys, when she caught them searching the stable and checking that Barry¡¯s bike was still there. Some maternal instinct triggered in her, cluing her in and tumbling the whole mess out into the open. ¡°Where be Barry?¡± She asked hotly. A few, very tense minutes of quiet discussion in the workshop below Wilf¡¯s house was enough for the woman who had survived their father¡¯s weirdness for so long. ¡°Ward says he¡¯s fine and will pop up soon¡­¡± Larry finished lamely. ¡°So it¡¯s all fine¡­ we¡¯ll handle this with Ward¡­ don¡¯t tell papa, ok?¡± ¡°Nae, ¡®tis very much not ¡®okay¡¯...¡± She growled. ¡°Dana did strike me son¡­ an hae been abusing me children under me own roof¡­ I say thee nay.¡± Their mother seemed to grow larger and began to radiate a palpable, physical heat as she spoke, a phenomenon they had seldom seen. She was furious to the point of doing murder and that boiling rage was surging through her, with unpredictable results. # Gary was still closeted away with Amy and the older boys, discussing something or other, in his workshop¡­ so that was something. Harry dipped out the back entrance and sprinted for the inn, hoping to prevent an explosion. He slipped through the garden using stealth skills that came naturally to him, but suddenly felt¡­ extra sly. He savored the feeling as he passed unseen through the guests and slipped down into the basement. ¡°This is fine work¡­ I like the subtlety and reciprocity of the enchantment¡­ a curse for a curse¡­¡± Papa was saying, as Harry appeared in the room. ¡°Wow! Harry, you snuck up on me¡­ and in the house too?¡± His father wrapped him in a huge hug that made him feel four years old again, even though they were the same size, almost. The big lad quickly but gently pried himself away and spoke earnestly, quickly and clearly. ¡°That dumb twat threw a tantrum and bitchslapped Barry through the veil and into the next world over¡­ He¡¯s fine and Ward is going to get him, so it¡¯s ok. The whole thing is a huge shitshow and nobody is coming out of this clean¡­ except us.¡± He blurted out quickly. ¡°The whole pantheon knows by now and something called ¡®The Devourer¡¯ is super pissed off over the whole deal.¡± ¡°Ok¡­ that was a lot.¡± Gary whispered in a frosty tone that they had never heard before. # Ch: 47 When Ya Comin’ Home, Son? Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 47 When Ya Comin¡¯ Home, Son? The other guests were just beginning to suspect that something in the house was amiss¡­ Their hosts¡¯ usual air of lackadaisical, fun loving welcome was wearing thin, revealing the rough, stony bedrock beneath their friendly facade. Tawny pressed on with her sacred duties, since the group was already headed her way through the garden gate. Baroness Tawny shrugged that feeling off, as she smiled in welcome to nurse Lindsey, a shy and very skilled acolyte from the local orphanage, who was only just settling into her first Contract. The pretty, dark haired lass led her troop of swollen, waddling ladies down into the garden baths, through the breathtaking gardens. Rose arbors, blooming ectopic hedges, a towering magnolia tree in full bloom and so many more sights dazzled the footsore and exhausted women, even those who had visited before. Behind the high hedges, the pregnant women of the town gathered every afternoon, to soak away the aches and pains of new motherhood in peace. Tawny always arranged these gatherings, whenever and wherever she stayed at Gary and Shai¡¯s inn. More accurately, whenever she was at home, she would gather the local expecting mothers to baptize them in the healing waters. Her granite keep on the hill above Foresthome was a fine and splendid dwelling, if less regal and elegant than the palace in Wheatford she¡¯d grown up in¡­ Yet neither held her heart. This was her true home, under this cheerful red tile roof and wherever these odd, beloved souls wandered. Lady Dana, the healer, her primary deity and her family patron was less enthusiastic about her close bonds with the Wards. Once, the sworn and bonded cultists of War would burn her skin at their touch and their voices resembled the brazen call to War in her ears¡­ War¡¯s clerics had been intolerable to her, their blood drenched auras and the dire, furious attention of their god, leering from behind their eyes chilled her blood¡­ That god was gone, as were his cultists¡¯ bonds. Now Gary filled that space in Dana¡¯s eyes. Her old friend¡¯s sweet, mellow, lyric voice was shrill now, grinding at her very nerves with his every word and action. The touch of his hand felt foul and greasy, leaving an unseen stain on her flesh whenever they brushed against each other in the busy house. By force of Will and through long practice, she had learnt to attenuate her bond with the goddess, when interacting with the War sworn; effectively suppressing those reactions entirely¡­ For the ¡®Gary problem¡¯ there was no relief; his presence near her drew Dana¡¯s gaze irresistibly. For him, Dana¡¯s eyes held a baleful and unreasoning hatred that was coldly alien to her goddess and deeply wrong. Tawny shuddered and shrugged away the sensation. Gary could sense her presence, as well as the women she accompanied and would not intrude¡­ He was a generous soul at heart and deeply enjoyed being helpful¡­ even, or perhaps especially when the results he produced were wholly unexpected. Sometimes Gary¡¯s idea of ¡®helping¡¯ involved plunging the world into chaos without warning. Those dark thoughts swirled in her mind, as Dana¡¯s bond became extraordinarily active and¡­ upset? In any case, her Contracts were churning and writhing uncomfortably, and nurse Lindsey seemed just as distressed. They refrained from discussing the effect, in the presence of the ladies, but the eye contact they shared suggested that both had much to relate. Soon all the ladies were soaking and had been provided with a delightful lunch, prepared in the kitchens every day with consummate care and attention by the Ward clan. No detail was missed in the little floating lunchboxes, each one labeled and individualized for the woman in question. Hergram, the beaver carpenter, found a salad of tender bamboo shoots and watercress, dressed with rice vinegar and a ball of cold, sticky rice hiding a dollop of sweet red bean paste. Her thrumming rumble mustelid pleasure joined a chorus of similar responses, from a number of species, as the exhausted women floated together and found a respite from their aches, cares and flaring appetites. # Deeper and deeper he swam, his lungs burning with the effort, despite a certainty that he did not need to breathe in this place between worlds, even and especially while under the not exactly water that suddenly felt very comfortable and homey¡­ Barry hurtled out of a familiar waterfall, flailing wildly at the sudden reversal of gravity and reality, as he splashed down in a private hotspring pool that he¡¯d known his whole life. His sudden wailing, laughing appearance startled a number of pregnant ladies of several species, who were having a soothing, healing¡­ and now suddenly exciting soak under baroness Tawny¡¯s supervision. When the naked young lad splashed down, the waves nearly submerged mistress Articuli¡¯s bento box of colorful sushi; prompting the very round panther woman to snarl at him, while protecting her precious, delicious meal. ¡°Sorry, sorry¡­ Oh, that looks good¡­¡± The giddy lad chirped and sang merrily, his eyes huge and round, above a doofy, confused smile of bliss. He paddled his way to the side and heaved his body onto the curbing, where he lay for a while; flat on his back, gasping and breathing heavily, while releasing the occasional giggle of delight. ¡°My apologies, ladies¡­¡± Tawny said firmly, once the interloper was out of the water. ¡°This is one of our hosts¡­ He seems to be experiencing some¡­ distress.¡± She sighed and turned to the beached, goofy lad. ¡°Barry¡­¡± Tawny spoke very gently to the befuddled young man. ¡°Are you aware that you are currently¡­ quite erect?¡± She asked softly. ¡°I only mention it, because you are making some of the ladies rather uncomfortable.¡± He craned his neck to take a peek and grinned a stupid smile at his proudly waving dick. ¡°This is the craziest dream¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°Lindsey, please just drape a towel over it¡­¡± Tawny muttered to her young assistant, while facing the pool full of pregnant women. ¡°It¡¯s nothing we have not all seen before.¡± She failed to notice how many shades of red and also pale the young woman standing behind her had turned. Lindsey¡¯s golden brown Healer¡¯s robes seemed almost chocolatey, against her stark pale throat and scarlet blazing cheeks, as she stared down at the boy on the pavers. Two bright, feverish, delighted brown eyes bored up, into a pair of glistening, doelike, gray orbs; as they were held open wide in shock, surprise and something far more. Poor Lindsey was caught like a butterfly pinned to a board, holding a neatly folded towel and mutely staring at the large, beautiful¡­ and enormously erect boy, who had just tumbled onto her feet from seemingly nowhere on this world. Their shared eye contact crackled with some deep, abiding connection, buzzing at her senses and shaking her to the core. Worst of all, she was also nude, and he was smiling up at her with wide, innocent brown eyes filled with desire, as that thing waved in time to his slow, steady heartbeat. ¡°Speak for your fortunate self, my lady.¡± Sarah Holms giggled from the pool. ¡°That boy¡¯s a big surprise to me, an yer apprentice too!¡± That set off a firestorm of quiet, giggling and some highly immature conversations that went on for a while¡­ right up until a frantic Shai stampeded into the private baths and skidded to a stop beside her unconscious, smiling, still massively tumescent son. She looked down and sighed wearily, from behind a smile of deep and abiding relief, before addressing the girl leering at her son¡¯s tackle. ¡°Now who might ye be, lass?¡± ¡°You¡¯re very pretty¡­¡± Seeming blind to his mother¡¯s presence and all the other witnesses, Barry mumbled up at the brown haired, gray eyed girl with the perfect, pink, kissable lips. His voice was rich and had a hint of the depth that would be his with time, but he spoke in a lilting childlike cadence. ¡°Are you looking at my ding-a-ling?¡± He pursed his lips and whistled a short snippet of a simple but very pretty melody at her, while it bobbed along like a conductor¡¯s baton. ¡°Fie, his father¡¯s son indeed.¡± Shai muttered, while sizing up the girl. # ¡°Lindsey¡¯s got it bad¡­¡± Amy sighed happily, as the girl bustled in and out of Barry¡¯s room; ¡®checking on the patient¡¯. She kept finding transparent excuses to slip inside, even though the boy was going nowhere for at least a few more hours. Gary and Shai had looked at the two neat puncture wounds on his throat and examined the traces of silver venom left around the neatly healed scars and been satisfied that he was fine. ¡°Thirp must have had a reason to bite him¡­ I¡¯m sure it¡¯s fine.¡± Gary pronounced after the brief exam. ¡°He¡¯s been etheric slimed and shoved through the veil, let him rest.¡± As the only mortal expert in ¡®transdimensional fuckery¡¯ in town, they had to take Gary¡¯s word for it¡­ and the boy was still smiling in his sleep, emitting happy little sighs now and then. Lindsey freshened the water pitcher beside the seeping lad¡¯s bed twice, replaced the freshly baked loaf and crock of butter beside the pitcher at least once more, fluffed his pillows, re-arranged the furniture for easier access to the bedside, dusted, tidied and changed in fresh bedding at least once. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. Only when the pretty, gray eyed girl crept up to Barry¡¯s door holding a basin, towel and sponge with a naughty little smile on her coral pink lips, did Amy step in; with a naughty little smile on her own face. ¡°Hold on girlie¡­ sponge baths are off limits¡­¡± The brown haired teenager nearly dropped her basin of hot water, when the admiral stepped out of the shadows into her path. ¡°Oh! I was just¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, you were just.¡± She answered with a wide smile of delight. ¡°Just gonna take a peek at my brother¡­ and maybe a fondle, while he¡¯s passed out.¡± Lindsey gasped and flushed so bright red, Amy feared she might pass out on the spot. The young acolyte mastered herself after a single deep breath and smiled blandly at the older girl. ¡°My duties call me away, excuse me.¡± Before Lindsey could escape, Amy lunged. Grappling her from behind, she giggled and hugged her tightly, manhandling the larger girl with terrifying strength. ¡°At least wait until he¡¯s awake...¡± She whispered with a fond, sisterly hug. # Amy sat back down with a happy sigh of accomplishment. ¡°That poor girl is on the hook¡­¡± She grinned at her co-conspirators and winked. ¡°Judging by the dogeared contents of that poor owlbear, she¡¯s just the right bait to hook him right back.¡± ¡°Keeping them close to town might prove easier than we thought¡­¡± Harry agreed with a smile. ¡°Now for Larry and Perry.¡± ¡°I¡¯m taking them trail riding tomorrow.¡± Rio answered. ¡°Maybe something will come up.¡± Amy giggled, when she considered that in the current context. ¡°I sure hope not!¡± ¡°Good one¡­¡± Rio sighed in surrender. ¡°Now I need a bath and some sleep¡­ this is just too much!¡± # ¡°Nae, tis too much!¡± Shai insisted. ¡°I¡¯d nae send me wee ones intae the open jaws of death!¡± ¡°I will accompany them, as will Ivy, Tallum, Dannyl and I hope¡­ you yourself.¡± Liam said quietly. ¡°Their gifts and talents will make this attempt possible, otherwise we will need to wait for a resolution to our current giant insect troubles.¡± He sighed sadly. ¡°Then even longer, the vale will remain impassable for at least a season, perhaps longer, as the waters need to drain away and the mud and rubble is several feet thick in places.¡± ¡°We understand your reluctance, but they are more capable than you know and will be properly supervised at all times.¡± Duke Julius agreed. ¡°I will send a few of my most experienced warriors along as well, if you wish. The Fist is nearing Bywater Town, seeking the source of those troubles, but I can redirect them.¡± Gary sat at the table, silent and fuming, he gave the impression of a tightly lidded pot over a roaring fire¡­ He could blow his top at any moment. ¡°No.¡± He said as abrupt and jarring as turd in a punchbowl. ¡°But Gary¡­¡± Julius began, showing off his handsome, kid next door grin. ¡°I said no. The divines are fucking around with my kids. I¡¯m not letting them out of my sight until this is settled.¡± He snapped, and fell silent again, stubborn as old tree roots. The nobles at the table looked around blankly, seeking answers and received none. ¡°Ask your clerics¡­ I¡¯m not the evening news.¡± He grumbled sourly at the noblemen all around. Long familiar with his odd speech, most of the group ignored his idiosyncrasies. Abed had not yet learnt that lesson. ¡°Evening, news?¡± The duke of Shiraz demanded. ¡°Speak plain, fool!¡± ¡°I mean, forces unrelated to your troubles and desires are moving behind the scenes and my family is readying for war. Your dungeon takes a distant second place after that¡­ very distant indeed.¡± He growled. ¡°Was that clear enough?¡± Count Liam blanched and leaned closer, drawing Shai in and whispering in his weird friends¡¯ ears in a highly rude manner. ¡°I am concerned to hear of this sudden shift in attitude¡­¡± Julius said lamely, while the two men held a whispered conversation in the middle of the meeting. # ¡°Healer fucked around and is dangerously close to finding out.¡± Gary whispered furiously. ¡°She did something very stupid and might just find¡­ Well, she fucked around, and just might find out.¡± ¡°Stifle that Gary, tis nae yet time tae speak of going tae war, certainly nae with a goddess¡­¡± Shai hissed. ¡°Tell her that, she tried to kill Barry!¡± He hissed right back. ¡°I think we had better bring Tawny and Celeste in on this¡­¡± Liam announced firmly to the whispering pair and the group at large. ¡°This meeting is adjourned.¡± # ¡°Where ever did those two go?¡± Tawny demanded, when Liam found her at late tea with her still giggling and excited pregnant ladies and dragged her away to consult with the missing duo. All the Wards seemed to be missing. The workshop door in the main house was sealed and resisted even Liam¡¯s attempts to open it, for the first time in their long acquaintance. Likewise, the private areas of the house were closed off and inaccessible to all. A careful search of the public areas and gardens revealed that all the private outbuildings were also secured against entry and seemed vacant. Only Barry remained, still unconscious and watched over by a large, purring silver and gray leopard and the terrifying sugar wasp familiar; who stood at the head of the corridor leading to the boy¡¯s room and denied entry to anyone but the young acolyte of Healer. Lindsey, they allowed to tend the boy without trouble. When Liam approached, Kree buzzed over and hovered before him, waving a silently waggled finger in front of his nose. ¡°Well, I guess we go home¡­¡± He mumbled awkwardly to the gathered people. # Lindsey felt so many eyes on her back whenever she left her patient¡¯s room, that she retreated behind those two adorable, weirdly fearsome guardian familiars and spent more time than was really needed on her exam. The boy, Barry, was large and muscular with close cropped brown hair¡­ the kind that would be unruly if not shorn or tended to regularly. The big brown eyes she¡¯d stared into for so awkwardly long had told her, he wouldn¡¯t be bothered and so, kept it short. She sighed and crossed those errant thoughts from her patient journal with firm strokes. Lindsey scolded herself wordlessly and sat down on the edge of the bed to measure his pulse¡­ for the chart¡­ His huge, sun bronzed hand was calloused and hard, like any common workman¡¯s even at just fifteen¡­ She sighed at the pitiable lad, as her delicate fingers found his pulse among those corded muscles and taut sinews. His heartbeat was slow, dangerously slow. Worse, each beat of his heart struck like a hammer, driving blood through his veins with terrible force. It felt more like the mechanical striking of the smith¡¯s triphammer, than any working of human biology. Before she could rise to call for aid, his pulse eased and quickened¡­ soon it was thudding along in a perfectly ordinary way. Much like her own¡­ it took a few moments to realize that their heartbeats were beating in perfect time, shaking her subtly with each shared pulse¡­ It took a fair few minutes for her to realize she¡¯d transitioned to simply holding his big, warm, calloused, workman¡¯s hand for the simple pleasure of it. # It was weirdly quiet in the house when Barry woke, feeling punchy and super confused. He was in his bed, with Mister MacGruber; but in the main house, not in Rio¡¯s cottage where he¡¯d been when that crazy dream popped off. Even now he was muzzy headed and a little confused; he¡¯d swear that the girl from his crazy dream just left his bedroom¡­ He sat up and staggered to his workbench in the corner and sagged down into that familiar chair, exhausted by the effort of crossing his little room. He dragged a sketch pad out and started with the face; the face of the kind, clever, compelling, gray eyed girl he¡¯d dreamt¡­ He felt like it was super important to get that beautiful image securely laid out on paper. Once he¡¯d captured her, he drew those crazy spiders, then the goddess, Dana; her hand seared and inflamed into a big, puffy boxing glove, just as in his dream¡­ He found himself lost in the intricacies of the knot holding Dana¡¯s robe closed, so interested that he left off sketching her; He hadn¡¯t even drawn any stink lines or circling flies around her divine form. He giggled foolishly at the thought¡­ Mama and papa¡¯s tales of spider goddesses and dream worlds must have finally wriggled into his unconscious mind¡­ Magic was just a story for babies, after all¡­ Barry¡¯s head made a soft thunk, when he drifted back into sleep, his face planted solidly on his charcoal sticks, smearing his face with the powdery black mess, as he began to emit a soft, whistling snore. # Lindsey slipped back inside, past the two cute and silent guardians, who accepted her without complaint¡­ Just as the boy¡¯s red haired, tempestuous, giantess of a mother had accepted her; with a fond embrace, once her son¡¯s tackle was decently bundled out of sight. The lad¡¯s bed was empty, his silly plush owlbear propped up against the headboard and the covers flipped carelessly down. The boy¡­ Barry was in his pajamas, sitting at a desk and completely unconscious, again. Pinned to a cork board above him, were several sketches in charcoal; most notably an exquisite, sensitive and very clear depiction of her own face, caught in an expression that mingled fear, surprise, delight and desire all at once. She felt something stir in her breast, when she gazed on that familiar face, her face¡­ seen through a stranger¡¯s eyes. Less charming were images of three terrifying, gigantic monster spiders, freshly drawn, in fearsome detail. One towered over a small group of people, high as a mountain and terrible to look on, even in simple lines of black on paper. Finally there was a drawing of an elegant, beautiful woman in the robes of Healer¡¯s cult, the sash held closed with a cunning and wickedly complex knot of rank¡­ one that every acolyte learnt, and no mortal cleric would dare tie on herself. Only the secret ritual robes that the sacred idol of the Healer herself wore, and only for the high holy days and the most rarefied rituals of the cult used that sacred, secret knot¡­ On the desk lay a complete diagram of the Hierophant¡¯s Coil, including how to tie the thing; instructions more clear and direct than those the temple taught. The ink of that instructional page was still damp, staining her fingers where she¡¯d held it carelessly¡­ ¡°Who¡¯re you?¡± He asked, his head still on the desk, but one brown eye looking up at her, clear and alert. ¡°Where am I? Where are my brothers?¡± Before Lindsey could figure out how or what to answer first, the insect creature and the leopard entered the room and shooed her out, with silent gestures from the golden armored wasp girl. # ¡°I don¡¯t know about leaving him with that girl¡­¡± Rio muttered from the tiller of Seahorse. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± Wilf announced in his ¡®hangin judge¡¯ voice that meant he was satisfied with the results. ¡°Yeah, she was starting to freak out a little¡­ We show a little trust and we¡¯re not so scary any more.¡± Amy agreed. ¡°And if she gets handsy, Shiro and Kree are there.¡± ¡°So why¡¯d we all have to go?¡± Larry wondered. ¡°I like an evening on the lake just fine but there¡¯s something on my workbench waiting for me.¡± ¡°Larry, bro¡­ Pistol crossbows are a dead end. You and Amy are barking up the wrong tree.¡± Perry insisted, starting up a long running debate between the two. ¡°My latest poisons are really showing results¡­¡± He insisted, quickly sketching out his latest idea. ¡°Ballista and catapults are not the answer to all life¡¯s questions!¡± ¡°Yeah, but a seventy pound granite boulder flung from a great height is a strong argument in any case.¡± Perry insisted. ¡°Amy and I have some ideas to try on your next repeating crossbow prototype¡­¡± Wilf weighed in quietly, sending the two boys off to chatting about their shared passion project. ¡°Sweet, I found a local tree sap that might answer our delamination problems¡­¡± Perry murmured happily. ¡°Nice.¡± Amy whispered, while Rio steered a slow cruise in the evening sun, far from any nosey nobles. # Josephus Wiley was old, but he was still hale, had lovely penmanship and didn¡¯t mind working the front desk of an evening in the summertime, when the kids would rather be out chasing the flower of pleasure on the soft slippers of youth¡­ He smiled at that turn of phrase and jotted it down in the margin of his notepad for later. When the bell over the door rang, he expected a minor medical emergency or some matter of the visiting nobles in town, not a pair of very angry and aggressive seeming commoners with a metaphorical ax to grind¡­ No one would bring an actual weapon into Dana¡¯s sacred nave. The brown haired giant stomped right up to the desk, produced a wide bladed, vicious knife and plunged it deep into the varnished hardwood of the reception desk. ¡°Blood feud.¡± He spoke very clearly and coldly, while keeping his gaze fixed on the old priest. ¡°I, Gary Ward, declare blood feud on Dana the Healer, in response to her acts of ruthless aggression against my house. No truce will be asked nor given, no reply but total surrender is acceptable.¡± ¡°Are you¡­ mad?¡± The priest stammered, as the man turned to leave, his declaration of war, proclaimed in the ancient form, still hanging in the air. Something about the rude, brutish giant curdled his blood and made his hair stand on end. ¡°Yes, quite mad. Your goddess knows where to find me, if she dares.¡± He said coldly. ¡°Until mid day, on midsummer¡¯s day, then I go to find her.¡± The man and his silent, gigantic woman marched away, without further words. # ¡°Yeah, she was watching through his eyes¡­¡± Gary murmured with satisfaction as they rode away. ¡°That were awful and wicked¡­ I like that side o¡¯ thee, betimes.¡± Her accent was thicker than usual, dragging her words out and reshaping them. ¡°A-sexy-pirate-girl-says-what?¡± He asked gleefully. ¡°Whae mean ye lad?¡± She demanded, glaring fondly at her beloved fool. ¡°I¡¯ll take that. Yes I will indeed!¡± He burbled happily as he pedaled. # ¡°...so your folks went off to challenge the goddess of healing to a duel or some stupid thing¡­ your brothers and sister took a cruise on the lake to avoid adult questions.¡± Kree took a great gasping breath after all that and buzzed happily in his face. ¡°I like that girl, she has a sweet aura¡­¡± The tiny wasp girl declared. ¡°You should get dressed and go talk to her.¡± ¡°I dunno¡­ I¡¯m kinda fighting with her goddess right now.¡± He mumbled quietly. ¡°No, your parents are feuding with the goddess of Healing; you are a child, and so cannot be dragged into this, legally. Which is why your parents are at war with Healer¡­¡± Kree buzzed around in a frustrated circle and alighted on his shoulder. ¡°This is complicated!¡± # Ch: 48 I Don’t Know When Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 48 I Don¡¯t Know When Barry emerged into the quiet, nearly empty common room in slippers and comfy, well worn clothes. The mystery girl was seated by the fireplace, staring at Mariah¡¯s tree in abject wonder. ¡°It¡¯s burning¡­ but alive¡­¡± She whispered, when she sensed him standing behind her. ¡°It¡¯s a very special little tree.¡± He said softly. ¡°My friends didn¡¯t tell me your name¡­ I guess you can¡¯t hear their voices¡­¡± He murmured gently. ¡°I¡¯m Barry Ward, this is my family home.¡± ¡°Lindsey¡­ I don¡¯t have a last name¡­¡± She whispered up at the towering boy looming above her. ¡°Well, miss Lindsey¡­ I¡¯m not certain, but I think I owe you an apology¡­¡± He shifted uncomfortably and blushed a deep, coppery red. ¡°I think I might have intruded on your bath¡­¡± He mumbled.. ¡°If that wasn¡¯t a dream, I¡¯m sorry and I owe you a debt¡­ If you don¡¯t know what I¡¯m talking about¡­ please ignore me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m certain I don¡¯t know what you are talking about¡­¡± She answered primly. The twinkling sparkle in her eye fairly shouted to the confused and deeply fascinated boy, that she knew, and knew very well indeed. ¡°I had a perfectly lovely and tranquil bath with baroness Tawny and the local goodwives¡­ I encountered nothing of any special significance.¡± She paused and licked her perfect coral pink lips. ¡°You should sit down, you have been unwell. I¡¯ll prepare some tea and a snack.¡± She rose, standing only a few inches shorter than Barry; though she was slim and lithe, in contrast to his muscular solidity. Her slender, delicate and pale hand landed softly on his shoulder; bringing vague sense memories from his dream rushing back¡­ Memories of a pale, slender, eight fingered hand brushing his chest. Barry developed an urgent need to sit, since his trousers were old and nearly worn out, they were comfy¡­ and suddenly too snug for comfort. Lindsey pretended that she didn¡¯t notice the ¡®condition¡¯ her gentle, careless touch had sparked; but she did a bad job of it, just to watch him blush that way again. # ¡°Oh dear, that looks painful¡­ I recently learnt that lesson as well, though my introduction was second hand¡­ rather than divinely first hand¡­¡± Marduk giggled a little at Dana¡¯s very obvious distress. He smiled a little wider, as each repetition of the word ¡®hand¡¯ reminded her of that limb¡¯s existence and condition; making her troubles slightly more immediate and present. ¡°On the other hand, you did lay hands on a mortal child¡­ and that seems to have left a lasting impression.¡± Dana vanished in a swirl of golden motes, fled back to her domain no doubt, to sulk. Without their mistress present, the subordinate deities became more aggressively strident. ¡°Cease your jests and reveal the nature of this curse, Marduk, god of mankind¡¯s Arts, Minds, Crafts and Knowledge¡­¡± Baba Yaga hissed venomously. ¡°By rights, I should have dominion over this working of curse craft, Marduk! Work your Will and release this filthy hex!¡± The little blonde god smiled up at the tall, wrinkled crone, meeting her lambent green and poisonous gaze with a smile. And a simple shake of his head in mute denial. ¡°Curses, Poisons, Bitter Medicines and Healing Balms are my domain¡­ Yet your pet mortals grant me no access to their hearth!¡± The witch of the deep woods shrieked in impotent fury at the tranquil deity. ¡°Certainly, I can suss out the manner and kind of this affliction, but I have no ability to ease or remove it.¡± Marduk replied cheerfully to the sullen and agitated beings. He focused his divine will for the barest instant and passed Caduceus a golden scroll tube, containing a single brief note on common paper. Ya Burnt! Curse effect. Etheric hex. Variable/Permanent. Current status; Third degree. Sufferer will experience the very real and mortal sensation of having laid hands on a hot stove. Variable intensity/duration. First degree; inflicts minor pain and discomfort, temporary. Duration: one mortal day/night cycle. Second degree; return customers experience intense burning and some blistering, temporary. Duration: seven mortal day/night cycles. Third degree; Slow learners and the truly stupid will experience the fruits of their folly. Duration; none/permanent. ¡°There, I¡¯ve done my duty to your mistress, tell sister Dana that she should definitely not find out what comes after the third level.¡± He said firmly as the divine physician''s face went red, then pale, then red with fury once more. ¡°I wonder what might happen, were she to touch that boy¡¯s soul again.¡± He mused, as he strolled back up the path to the inn, where only he and a very select few could enter. ¡°My arts and medicines are not helpless in the face of your perfidy, Marduk!¡± Caduceus shouted from the back of the crowd at the garden gate of the Strange, High House In The Mist. ¡°I will be made whole for this disrespect of my position!¡± ¡°Yes, yes, very frightening! I¡¯ll be quaking in my sandals¡­ when it¡¯s time for my next prostate exam¡­¡± A wide, childlike grin spread over his face, as the divine doctor sputtered in outrage. ¡°Oh, wait, we don¡¯t get those¡­¡± He waved his tiny, perfectly manicured hands at the cluster of deities and immortals gathered there. ¡°You Lie!¡± BabaYaga shrieked, when the scroll made its way to her gnarled, clawed hands. ¡°You can break this mortal¡¯s human curse with ease! Do your duty god of mortal workings and spells!¡± ¡°But these are not human works¡­¡± Marduk insisted gently, smiling with benevolence and mercy on the pack of scoundrels at his garden gate. ¡°I wished Gary Ward returned to the world as a mortal human, with the mortal spark of life and all the frailties and limitations that true humanity entails¡­ As was his fondest wish. He desired nothing from us; not power, influence nor even our attention¡­ To be a mortal man walking the world for a single lifetime and then to die.¡± His smile developed a razor¡¯s edge as he spoke, an edge that bit coldly on divine skin. ¡°You rejected that proposal, insisting on an otherling¡¯s form¡­ His progeny share that trait, naturally.¡± The golden god¡¯s face was glacial, as the immortals complained and grumbled their discontent. ¡°Ill considered acts can have repercussions, my divine colleagues¡­ best you come to grips with the new reality at hand¡­¡± ¡°Surely you can command your creatures to release this curse¡­¡± Ermet, lady of herbs and natural medicine whispered soothingly. ¡°Your pet always answers to your call¡­¡± ¡°My ¡®pet¡¯ was taken from me, our bond severed in the moment when he needed me most.¡± He snapped. ¡°I have no leash for the ¡®mad dog¡¯ you have been goading into a slavering fury!¡± Marduk roared from the porch. ¡°One of his pups has bitten you, after you beat it savagely¡­ Now you cry foul and demand forbearance?¡± The door slammed closed in their faces, even though they couldn¡¯t even pass into the garden proper¡­ ¡°Oh! That was delightful, that¡¯s the sweet, spicy Duckie I fell in love with!¡± Eponna¡¯s whinnying laugh of mirth from the baths mocked the frustrated divines, as they departed the terrible, haunted inn on the hill. # Dana, divine mistress of the healing arts writhed in this new ¡®agony¡¯ she¡¯d discovered, as she struggled to find a position where her damaged limb didn¡¯t flare and spark mightily. ¡°What news¡­ Will Marduk command his pet to relent?¡± She gasped at her retainers when they rejoined her. ¡°No, my lady. He claims to have no power over it, nor its¡­¡± His face twisted with disgust, Caduceus had to force the word out. ¡°...its progeny. He will not comply and claims he cannot.¡± ¡°Lies, none but that cursed spider are so close to it¡­ We dare not approach her, the venomous little¡­ tramp!¡± Dana gasped. ¡°Find a way¡­ find a¡­¡± Dana halted there, even her pain forgotten, as the object of her fury strolled into her temple in the mortal world, drawing her gaze and rage to that scene. She shuddered with disdain and disgust as she shrugged into a faint, moistly organic semblance of mortal senses, stealing a bit of the information from her cleric¡¯s distressingly mortal body. The assault on her senses and dignity was almost more than she could bear, as Marduk¡¯s filthy thing delivered one awful insult after another, directed at her¡­ through her cleric¡¯s vessel, as though it could perceive her from beyond the veil. It was almost a relief, when it departed her sacred nave and her regard was released; to return to the house of pain. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Resuming her avatar after that respite, awful as it was¡­ did provide a hint of insight to the goddess; the pain took her down a new road, revealing vistas of misery, discomfort and shame she had not suspected could exist and exposed a flaw in the spell. The excruciating horror of the thing was almost enough to completely distract her from that little detail¡­ Her regard had been drawn to her cleric when that monster appeared before him¡­ That was no surprise. The difficulty and sense of being permitted to depart that mortal cleric¡¯s senses, allowed to depart by some outside force, jarred her troubled essence even further into her unnatural anger. # Lindsey tried to put on a convincing act in the kitchen, though her real skills and gifts lay elsewhere, very much elsewhere. This place of shining steel and confusing knobs, valves and tools was too much for her. Those shifts she¡¯d worked in the orphanage kitchen had prepared her for domestic situations, like making a snack for the boy she liked; or so she¡¯d always thought¡­ Her dizzy mind tripped over itself when she hit: ¡®the boy she liked¡¯, plunging her into a giddy, confused state. A few minutes of shell shocked, panic stricken immobility later, she felt Barry¡¯s huge body brush by her, as he took up the kitchen tasks with capable and confident hands¡­ Soon hot tea, neatly stacked, tempting sandwiches and a heartbreakingly beautiful salad bowl were sitting on the sofa before the fiery tree, where his strong, gentle hands had guided her from that strange, paralyzing kitchen. They ate and spoke at some length, before that crackling, sweet scented, everburning tree, until time lost all meaning and she couldn¡¯t clearly remember why or how they¡¯d found themselves sitting so close. Her hand rested lightly on his knee and his huge, leathery, but tender grip held her, their fingers interlaced comfortably. # When Gary and Shai got back, darkness was settling in and the kids were just tying Seahorse up on the pier. They waited for the kids, before hitting the front foyer as noisily and obviously as possible, in a group. Even with all that ruckus¡­ Barry and the Healer girl were blushing and sitting closer together than was entirely proper, when they all came crashing in after changing into their slippers. # Intruding on Dana¡¯s misery and woe without warning, a tiny spark appeared in her distant awareness of the mortal fragment that called out to her so insistently, while refusing her touch just as perniciously. Now it sang out, softly and clearly, feeling open and willing¡­ drawing her attention to one of the least of hers¡­ A new forged bond and barely enough of a trickle of faith to sustain her presence behind the mortal waif¡¯s eyes. There he was, the one she wanted, the one who wanted her so deeply, calling out and rejecting her at once¡­ Though, from behind this girl¡¯s eyes there was no rejection evident. His soul was unfolding like a blossom in the sun, reaching desperately for this nameless child¡¯s inconsequential light, dim and feeble as it was¡­ That was when IT bumbled onto the scene, with its entire motley brood¡­ Shock and horror shattered the tenuous connection holding Dana to her puny vessel, sending the divine spiraling back into her avatar with a punishing slap¡­ Not unlike the one that had landed her in this mess. ¡°Ermet¡­¡± She gasped desperately to her nearest retainer. ¡°Fetch me that horsefaced¡­ Please bring Eponna to me.¡± # Poor Lindsey was shivering and leaning closer in the cool of the coming night, cuddling to his side for warmth, even beside Mariah¡¯s fire. There was zero chance he was going to grab a blanket from under the coffee table and ruin that! She leaned close and whispered something he failed to catch, as his family came crashing onto the scene, making a thunderous racket and taking their sweet time in the foyer, changing shoes. He thanked them silently for that mercy, as he had the chance to edge a few scant inches away from the sweet, funny, delightfully engaging girl beside him¡­ He moved only enough that their thighs no longer brushed on the sofa cushions. His arm around her slim, warm shoulders he left in place¡­ # She¡¯d worked up the courage at last, over the dreamy, long evening of conversation and casual, tender intimacy¡­ She leaned closer, nestling in against his broad, muscled chest, listening to his heartbeat, still thudding along with hers. She turned her head, tipping her face up to gaze at his, more importantly, bringing their lips into alignment; separated by only a few inches of air, feeble resistance and pitiful hesitation. She brushed those doubts aside, while looking into those deep, slightly sad, brown eyes. Her prey leaned closer, drawn in by her perfect cupid¡¯s bow lips and the soft, whispered words that passed those succulent, coral pink petals. ¡°You can kiss me if you want, Barry¡­¡± That was when the world ended in noise and confusion, followed by a moment of shattering pain and then darkness. # Larry had just opened his mouth to make some kind of ¡®girlfriend¡¯ or ¡°oo-la-la¡¯ type comment at his brother, when the girl on the sofa turned shockingly pale and shrieked a brief wail of agony. Her scream cut off just a heartbeat later, as she flopped over bonelessly and began vomiting a viscous silver ooze onto the rug and twitching weakly. # Gary¡¯s chubby little clay birdie landed on Tawny¡¯s shoulder, having slipped into the palace by flying down an unlit chimney. It whistled its sweet song of distress and prodded the count and countess to beg their guests¡¯ pardons and vanish from the salon, where a rousing game of cards was just beginning. ¡°It¡¯s some kind of emergency involving my young apprentice, nurse Lindsey¡­¡± Tawny gasped, as her brawny husband swept her onto Audrey¡¯s back even as the massive floral familiar was emerging from the elaborate snapdragon vine tattoo covering his left arm and shoulder. ¡°We should hurry, then.¡± He said, before the world became a rushing blur of darkened, tree lined roads. At the end of a terrifying few minutes, Audrey passed Tawny¡¯s nearly petrified stiff body down to her husband¡¯s waiting arms, her tendrils coiling gently around her precious master¡¯s mate. The snapdragon romped off to roam the nearby woods, while her master and mistress attended human matters¡­ She had a patch of moist, very fertile soil on her mind. Tawny leaned on Liam¡¯s sturdy, solid warmth as she staggered as quickly as he could for the inn¡¯s side door, the one reserved for family. He opened the sliding panel and stopped, when she was unable to pass the threshold. ¡°Love? What¡¯s wrong?¡± He asked gently, when she balked at the open portal. ¡°Are the house charms acting up again?¡± ¡°No, husband¡­¡± She answered grimly, her usually golden face now ashen. ¡°My goddess denies me entry¡­ none of her¡¯s may enter this house¡­¡± She whispered in awed and frightened tones. ¡°Though I notice she will allow us access to his baths and garden¡­ Lady Healer is being transparently self serving.¡± The golden priestess muttered sourly, casting a disappointed glance skyward. An instant later, her manicured fingers flew to her lips, as if she could stuff the heretical words back whence they¡¯d come. ¡°Oh dear, I¡¯ll have a frightful penance for that¡­¡± She sighed. ¡°Liam, please go fetch my young apprentice out, the goddess seems to be very¡­ agitated and is making little sense¡­¡± Her fingertips received another kiss, when Tawny realized what she¡¯d just said, again. # Liam emerged a short time later, looking grim. ¡°Your apprentice, young acolyte Lindsey, is currently unconscious and soaking in the baths, under the care of Amy and a lay healer of the family¡¯s acquaintance.¡± He smiled weakly at that and carried on. ¡°Her Contract with Healer has been forcibly severed, apparently by the goddess herself.¡± Tawny¡¯s mouth flapped open in a breathless gasp of shock and disbelief, hanging there for a disturbingly long time. Liam was about to reach out and close her jaw, lest a bug fly in, but they were in Gary¡¯s garden; the bugs here were all awfully polite. ¡°I was about to say, impossible¡­ but considering where we are standing¡­¡± She whispered, finally. ¡°Let¡¯s go home, husband, there¡¯s nothing more we can do here tonight, if that¡¯s the case.¡± At his mental signal, Liam¡¯s familiar came trotting out of the woods on eight verdant hooves, shaking her root ball free of some clinging loam as she approached. ¡°She¡¯ll bring you home, I¡¯ll run back later.¡± The count mumbled. ¡°You¡¯re the ¡®lay healer of family acquaintance¡¯ aren¡¯t you, husband?¡± She demanded through a weak smile. When he declined to reply she nodded and her smile warmed slightly. ¡°I withdraw the question, Liam.¡± She sat up astride Audre and smiled more warmly, now that she¡¯d discharged her official cult duties. ¡°Play nice with your little friends and don¡¯t come home drunk.¡± Liam watched her ride away, swaying atop his familiar and staring up at the stars, as always she did when riding at night. ¡°Love to watch her go¡­¡± He sighed, before ducking back inside. # Lindsey woke in that exquisite, elegant garden bath, floating freely in the waters, almost entirely alone. Amy floated beside the young nurse, holding her hand gently, her eyes closed in relaxed repose. ¡°Having you wake up with Barry tending you would have been perfect, but you needed the bath more than a call-back to your meet-cute.¡± The self proclaimed ¡®Admiral¡¯ murmured sleepily, seeming to address the moons and stars up above. ¡°It¡¯s too soon in the story for a self-referential gag, anyway. Checkov¡¯s gun can go off too early, sometimes.¡± She continued speaking nonsense to the moons and floating beside the young nurse. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She said, before Lindsey could ask any questions about her earlier exposition. ¡°I¡¯m sorry you¡¯ve been dragged into my family¡¯s troubles¡­¡± She kept hold of Lindsey¡¯s hand, as she bobbed upright, smiling and pulling the girl, so they could speak face to face. ¡°Dana, The lady of Healing is currently at war with my family¡­¡± Amy said slowly and carefully. ¡°A war we are winning¡­ at great cost. You, or rather, your Contract is a casualty of that war.¡± She sighed and took in a deep breath. ¡°When my father came home, here in our house, fresh from making his displeasure known at the temple of Dana, uptown¡­ The shock was a slap in the face to the goddess, who was looking in through your senses, at the time.¡± She shifted awkwardly in the deep, hot water and smiled weakly. ¡°She broke your Contract right there¡­ on the spot. Our expert suspects you will not be able to Contract with Healer¡­ For now, perhaps for a long time. It¡¯s not a clean break.¡± Lindsey stared at her new friend in shock and disbelief, while keenly feeling the loss of the warm, benevolent source of life and energy that had been nestled beside her heart for the last two days. ¡°Gone?¡± She asked so softly it was lost in the rush of the waterfall. Somehow, Amy heard anyway. ¡°Gone, but there are other deities and beings out there¡­ I know that¡¯s cold comfort¡­¡± She fell silent when a lanky armful of weeping girl collapsed against her, nearly sinking them below the surface¡­ She wasn¡¯t ready for that yet, so Amy kept her afloat, while patting and petting the poor child as she bawled. # ¡°Let me see these cursed pendants again¡­ something has the divines really riled up¡­¡± Gary grumbled, holding his hand out to the four triplets. They all gave a blank look and scratched their heads. Amy, Wilf and Rio had their own, dangling around their necks, but the younger boys couldn¡¯t find a sign of theirs. Not even a scratch on sensitive neck skin, where a chain might have broken under stress¡­ ¡°You lost them? All of you?¡± He asked a moment later. ¡°No, papa, they¡¯re gone.¡± Larry mused thoughtfully. ¡°I was wearing it when we went to bed, before Barry went walkies¡­¡± A pillow bashed into his face, flung from across the room with startling accuracy. ¡°Thanks Harry.¡± Barry muttered happily, while Lary got himself back together. ¡°Yeah, anyway, I was wearing it then, now it¡¯s gone.¡± Larry grumbled. ¡°When I showed up on planet spider, I was bare ass naked¡­ nuthin¡¯ on at all. I know I was wearing it when I went to sleep.¡± Barry frowned and scratched his neck where he¡¯d been bitten by Thirp. Gary leaned closer when he spotted that and took a closer look at what had been neatly closed, old looking scars. Those wounds had healed supernaturally swiftly and the scars had vanished as well¡­ Though they left a strange, knotted tangle of runes in their place, tattooed on his throat in faint silver markings. Gary leaned in really close and peered at the tiny, almost invisible tangle of coiling, cursive, intertwined script, forming an endless double loop where the scars had been, not long before. After a half hour of study, scribbling and copying down the alien text, He turned back to the kids and grinned happily. ¡°Well, your new tattoo can be read in a lot of ways¡­ From top to bottom and left to right it reads one way; in different alignments and with different parameters, it comes up differently. It always stays in the same general¡­ vein¡­ if you will.¡± Gary giggled madly at his little joke and started passing out notes, produced from his Interface gift; one of his few remaining parlor tricks from the old days. ¡°Generally, they¡¯re all spidery and spooky.¡± He said with a grin. Spiderkissed, wanderer between worlds, holder of hidden secrets and burrower in darkness. Tread with care. ¡°Pretty spooky, right? Check this out, this is up and down in columns!¡± Gary announced with glee. Touch not the spiderkissed, for his retribution is terrible, burrowers in darkness should be left undisturbed, lest fangs taste flesh. ¡°Or this one, if you read it upside down.¡± He said cheerfully. Dark secrets lie in the depths, not everyspider should delve for them¡­ Spiderkissed is blessed to find what is sought, even beyond the veil. ¡°I think this is your cursed trinket, right here. If you kids check, you might all have similar markings.¡± He stroked his chin and thought about that for a while. ¡°Your jewels were enspelled to irritate and stimulate your individual Animus, each one unique and tuned to the wearer only¡­¡± He shot a wink at Wilf and smiled. ¡°Nice work, that.¡± He sighed and continued. ¡°Amy, Wilf and Rio still have theirs, so whatever happened is unique to you guys and is probably related to your close bond. In a lot of ways, you¡¯re more alike than twin brothers.¡± They snorted and chuffed at that like four cranky donkeys, as always, but before long, they each found a similar marking on their persons. Perry¡¯s and Larry¡¯s were on their throats, like Barry¡¯s; though Harry¡¯s was on the nape of his neck, just below his hairline. Each one was subtly different but similarly weird, reading in odd, mildly threatening triplets and couplets, no matter which way one read them¡­ Though, only their father could actually read the alien runes and glyphs scribed into their skin, drawn in lines of silver thinner than a human hair¡­ or perhaps spider webs. Becky and sir Kermal sat nearby, observing and listening in silence. When Gary shot Becky a questioning look, she smiled sadly. ¡°Lord Marduk commands that I stay at arm¡¯s length from this conflict in my official duties¡­ with a big ol nod and wink.¡± She mumbled in embarrassment. ¡°I guess Dana screwed up so badly, anything we do to help you, helps her directly.¡± ¡°How does that work?¡± He asked sourly. ¡°This is a huge clusterfuck, across multiple domains and in direct contravention of the Will of a being that is not to be trifled with.¡± Becky explained very carefully. ¡°If any member of the pantheon works to clean up this mess, it will be bad for the helper, who will appear to be attempting a cover up¡­ or worse. Any god who assists you, may appear complicit, in the perceptions of a being with little understanding of what is in play.¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°Likewise anything the other gods did to aid you would be good for Dana, she could claim our workings as her diligent effort to clean up her mess¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m less interested in immortal political games and more interested in getting her off my kids¡¯ backs.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Lord Marduk insists that lady Dana is currently ¡®experiencing a profound shift in her perspective¡¯... or something.¡± Becky insisted gently. ¡°He¡¯s being very oblique and secretive about the whole mess.¡± # Ch: 49 We’re Gonna Have A Good Time, Then… Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 49 We¡¯re Gonna Have A Good Time, Then¡­ Lindsey woke alone in a snug, cozy bedroom, with a linen covered basket sitting on the bedside table, a clay jug and cup sitting nearby. A tempting, soothing scent rose from the jug, the unmistakable scent of hot cocoa¡­ ¡°It¡¯s freshly whipped, sit up and drink some if you can.¡± A man¡¯s voice whispered from the dim shadows in the corner. ¡°I¡¯d strongly recommend the marshmallows¡­ and the churros, don¡¯t sleep on the churros.¡± She found herself sitting up and reaching for the jug even as he spoke. The basket did, in fact, hold a paper sleeve filled with hot, sugary logs of fried dough; just as there was a small mound of white, fluffy, irregular cubes, already placed in the cup. With a gasp of dread, she snatched the covers back over her body¡­ horrified by the hidden man¡¯s gaze. Belatedly she realized she was clothed; in pajamas of the smoothest, softest, most delicate silk she¡¯d ever dared dream of touching¡­ Which, she realized with a sinking feeling, felt even more violating than if she¡¯d been bare before his eyes. ¡°My daughter, Amy bathed and dressed you. She¡¯s really taken a liking to you¡­¡± He spoke softly, as though that would make up for having apparently read her mind. ¡°I can¡¯t read your mind, honey, but I¡¯ve been where you are¡­ and where I am, many times before.¡± He sighed sadly. ¡°I¡¯m Gary, Barry¡¯s dad¡­ and probably the world¡¯s foremost expert on what you¡¯re going through. Trust me, cocoa helps more than anything else.¡± The hidden figure sighed and slowly moved out into the light, or perhaps the light discovered where he¡¯d been hiding and rushed over to greet him¡­ ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m naturally spooky.¡± The big, goofy, care worn image of an older Barry said; with a hapless, half mad smile on his face, one that was also¡­ weirdly comforting. She found him terrifying¡­ and tranquil. Somehow he loomed large in the room, dominating it and merging with the shadows to press in on her. Yet it felt comforting, like the press of bodies in the chow line at mess in the orphanage¡­ the bodies of her brothers and sisters all around her. It felt exactly like that, as though a vast legion of familiar, comforting souls were gathered close around. ¡°You¡¯re Barry¡¯s father? Master Ward, please forgive my lapse in professional¡­¡± The shady giant raised his hand and silenced her, somehow. ¡°I owe you a debt, for caring for my son, and for the way you were misused under my roof¡­ As. My Guest¡­ Again.¡± A sudden wash of almost physical heat and fury radiated out from the strange, awful man¡­ and then receded, replaced by that welcoming crowd of bodies that were certainly not there. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m cool¡­ All right, you know your Contract was severed by your former patron, right?¡± His shift into a businesslike and warmly brisk attitude jarred her for a moment; before she felt herself swept away by the odd cadence of his speech. ¡°I may need to lay down a little blasphemy; so please don¡¯t freak out and get mad at me¡­¡± # She slipped into a relaxed state as he went on and on, she followed his loose, almost chanted style of narration. He spun a strange tale of men and women who fell to the world from elsewhen and everywhere¡­ Lost souls, doomed to be pawns in a game of another¡¯s design. He hinted at unclean acts against what should not and could not be sullied and endings for what should have been eternal. He whispered in her ear of blasphemies made sacred by divine will and deities driven to acts of folly by unguessable forces with equally unknowable results. ¡°...in the end, the real reward of our Adventure was found in good friends, fond memories and the sublime pleasure of kicking someone you hate, square in their godsdamned gooch.¡± She slipped into slumber, soothed by the cocoa and the mad, silly, tragically hilarious fable he¡¯d told her. ¡°What a silly, terrible man¡­¡± She murmured to the plush owlbear in her bed. The fluffy toy smelt wonderful¡­ like a warm, cuddly boy. # ¡°Cocoa and duskmoon marshmallows are the best thing for what ails her. Let her sleep and in the morning maybe she¡¯ll be up and around.¡± Gary yawned at Barry, Amy, Becky and Shai. ¡°Why¡¯d you put her in my room?¡± Barry asked his father nervously. ¡°Hospitality is a duty, son.¡± He answered, just as he always had when he¡¯d sent the boys to bunk elsewhere to accommodate guests. In this case they had tons of empty rooms, since the vibe had shifted and most folks wanted to sleep someplace less¡­ ominous. ¡°Besides, I didn¡¯t put her in there, I thought you did.¡± His dad grinned at him, the stupid, goofy grin he always wore when he was feeling untethered and nervous. ¡°Pretty bold move, big if true.¡± Barry turned a slightly furious gaze on Amy, who grinned as well and nodded. ¡°Yup, guilty. But don¡¯t worry, I left a note telling her to definitely not just randomly start snooping around¡­ so everything¡¯s fine.¡± Amy smiled winsomely and blinked her eyes at him. ¡°Did I mess up?¡± ¡°You suck, Ames.¡± He sighed, relief flooding him as he realized Amy was just messing around, he slumped down into his chair. ¡°You had me going there.¡± # Lindsey Woke after a brief time, as the strange man¡¯s soothing presence faded away and her body demanded she move about, after lying still so long. Her right pocket crinkled when she moved; it held something that hadn¡¯t been there before¡­ She reached in and found a parchment scroll wrapped around a bottle. Setting the bottle aside for later, because it had a paper bag over it that said ¡®for later¡¯... and so she unrolled the scroll on Barry¡¯s wide workbench. # Lindsey had seen the Aranea¡¯s Secret catalogs before, of course; but she¡¯d never thought of actually wearing such things herself, even though some of the things were within the reach of even a humble acolyte of¡­ She halted that line of thought and went back to paging through the stash of colorful and titillating things. Some pages were folded down for easy reference; she giggled to herself, while stealing a naughty little peek into what boys like. There were no real surprises, save that Barry seemed to delight in smooth, seamless, minimally embellished things, when draped over a tall, slim model¡­ not unlike what she found herself dressed in¡­ She shuddered her way through a guilty little frisson of pleasure, as she found evidence that not all boys care only for how big a girl¡¯s boobs might be¡­ Or at least he was flexible on the issue, judging by the dispersal of the folded pages. She stuffed the catalogs back away, careful to place them in the exact order specified in Amy¡¯s note. With a superior smile, she closed the hidden buttons to conceal the chubby toy¡¯s very natural and not even slightly embarrassing secret. With a smug, eager little grin on her face, she followed the Admiral¡¯s map to the next location, a cunningly hidden false drawer bottom in his workbench. There, she found pages and pages of poetry, not the kind of drivel every girl dreams a boy would pen for her; instead she found the private musings of a sensitive soul, contemplating nature and the world around him. In that secret drawer, she found a few brief stanzas of unrhymed verse, describing the waterfall in the private baths. Another waxed on about the way dew gathered on the roses in early spring, during those breathless, still moments before dawn. With gentle reverence she replaced them and secured the cover, just as described. She felt a tender and soft little smile replace her grin of naughty glee, but was too engrossed in her quest to consider that. Admiral Amy¡¯s Super Secret, Girls Only Treasure Map Of Fun? led her slowly around the room, revealing the small treasures of a childhood lived well and remembered fondly. Shiny or unusual pebbles, stray feathers found in the woods and fossils, such as wanderers in stony, forgotten places sometimes found were tucked in among odder mementos. There were thunder eggs, carefully sawed open and polished, semi precious gems and samples of unusual metals or woods in trays and cubbies all around her. A stash of monster parts shocked her, when she slid open that shallow, covered tray. There were teeth, tusks, bones and accreted objects of all kinds; from shining, iridescent pearls to, her trained healer¡¯s eye suspected¡­ a kidney stone from some monstrous and no doubt uncomfortable beast. Samples of hair, fur, wool, chitin and shell of every sort were all neatly labeled in tiny boxes. There was even a very tidy, mad wizard¡¯s lab in miniature. She found a selection of alembics, grinders, vessels, a tiny furnace and other tools of the apothecary''s and alchemist¡¯s art, all neatly stowed and well used. She began to feel guilty, pawing through the boy¡¯s secrets with a treasure map in hand, guiding her to all the best things. At last she crawled back into the sweet boy¡¯s bed and opened the small bottle she¡¯d found in her pajama pocket with the map, when she woke. The label read in clear script: The marshmallows were dosed with a drug. I switched them out so you could stay up a little and play our game¡­ Now you should take your medicine and go to bed, sister. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. Duskmoon pollen was nothing new or frightening to her, she¡¯d taken it regularly since her moons began, to ease the cramping and discomfort, while providing restful sleep. The clot of big white flakes melted on her tongue, bringing that familiar sweet, faintly herbal and floral taste of honeysuckle, then blissful sleep without dreams. # Eponna flaunted her equine form at the injured goddess, prancing up to the golden pavilion Healer had erected, just for this meeting. The equine goddess let her mane and tail fly, streaming out in cosmic, eldritch radiance across the eternal meadow. ¡°It amuses me to answer your summons, human goddess of Healers. The herd will hear your words¡­ once your lackey answers my questions. Hers is the penance to pay, since she¡­ demanded I attend her mistress so¡­ boldly.¡± She snuffled in dissatisfaction at Ermet, mistress of Herbs, Remedies, Traditional and Folkway Healing. ¡°As to you, I have business with you, before the herd hears your mistress¡¯ plea¡­¡± Her nostrils flared and her hooves stamped the turf as she gazed on the divine. ¡°Some few of my human cultists are dabbling in your arts¡­ and have been for some time, yet you do not bless their works nor aid their researches¡­¡± She shook her mane out in frustration. ¡°I know nothing of these things, but some of my favored children have been pleased by their crafts and wonder that you do not aid them.¡± She fixed a huge, starry eye on the smaller deity and snuffled. ¡°Answer this as the price of my attendance, but swiftly, for I am Motion and Swiftness In Action...¡± ¡°What? Herbal remedies for horses?¡± She demanded in absolute puzzlement. ¡°This is no craft of mine. Should lord Iwakamutsukari No Mikoto take interest in the preparation of animal feed? Or shall lord Caduceus don the veterinarians¡¯ apron?¡± Eponna shook herself all over and immediately lost interest in the lesser goddess, turning to Dana instead. ¡°The penance is paid. My attention is yours¡­ for a moment, goddess of humans.¡± She stood still as a statue, while exuding the energy of a mighty bow, drawn to its limit and an arrow, an instant before taking flight. ¡°We have aligned interests, you and I.¡± Dana gasped, her eyes rolling wildly under her fevered brow. ¡°You were the first to lay a curse on it, on that thing that Marduk dotes on so disgustingly¡­ Aid me in destroying it and working our shared vengeance¡­ don¡¯t deny it, I saw your curse on that creature before any other. I¡¯ve been watching, watching for so long from mortal eyes¡­¡± Panting and desperate, Dana even lowered herself to meet eyes with the beast goddess, which should have impressed her suitably¡­ ¡°You mean GaryWard, my blessed, cursed, beloved, Shadowmounted fool?¡± She asked, blinking her wide, starry eyes in confusion. ¡°Yes, I cursed him, that wherever my children cross his path, his path shall lead onto a fresh and welcoming pile of my children¡¯s leavings¡­ It¡¯s a prank of delicious wit and whimsy¡­¡± She whinnied merrily, casting equine laughter into the endless void above. ¡°I¡¯d planned to release him, when the jest ran its course¡­ But your clan demanded a curse from mine, for your vile stew of petty vengeance, so I left it in place, harmless to all save his footwear, to confound your Will.¡± She flicked her tail and snuffled at the injured goddess with unconcealed amusement, when she seemed incapable of understanding the depth and richness of her little joke¡­ ¡°Then take up one of my followers, whose Contract I snipped, unintentionally in my current distress¡­¡± She barked angrily. ¡°Lindsey of Foresthome, former acolyte of Dana. She will serve you ably and you can work my will through her¡­ I grant you the remnants of her Contract freely, do what you will with her to make that thing suffer.¡± Dana carelessly tossed out a small, golden chain, six links long; its first ring twisted out of shape and barely clinging to the others. It landed on the meadow, among the perfect wildflowers, glinting and sparkling in starlight that never waned, begging to be picked up by the golden goddess who¡¯d tossed it out, tossed her out. ¡°She is perhaps of some use to you¡­ take vengeance through her.¡± Behind Dana, Baba Yaga¡¯s taloned hands opened and closed spasmodically at the sight of those shining links, unnoticed by all save the equine deity, snuffling in distaste and sour amusement at the gathered human divines. Eponna assumed her human form; gloriously nude, of course¡­ Her hair flying out in a long banner of the night sky, in all its glory, flickering with auroras and alien moons. She bent reverently, in mocking allusion to a bow for the human goddess and took up the broken chain with a delicate touch. ¡°You cast aside precious gifts, given from an earnest heart¡­ I see now why you could not ride the Shadowmounted¡­ He is too wild and honorable a steed for your arse to bestride.¡± She collected her trinket and slipped it into her hair. There, it winked and sparkled even more brightly, where it should have vanished, among those glorious, celestial bodies. ¡°Those who have no skill with curses should leave them alone, for a curse always exacts a price.¡± She smiled, showing wide, square, white teeth in a beautiful and honest equine smile of pleasure. ¡°Always, save when it is retribution for a deed foully done or an attack on one who bears no malice¡­ Then the price is to be paid by the foolish aggressor.¡± Her high tailed, prancing departure was abrupt, rude and perfectly timed, as another being had come calling on the wounded goddess¡­ From high above, or terribly close by, the Devourer of Souls loomed over her¡­ and her alone. Only Dana saw a red, blazing and churning nebula of winking stars that flared into life, dimmed and flickered out, only to reignite again and again, floating above her realm, overshadowing it and casting a dim, red radiance over her golden meadows. # Lady Dana stared up at the empty void above, gazing into the never for a timeless few moments; no doubt contemplating the sublime and ineffable glory and grace she rained down on the race of men¡­ Caduceus was beginning to grow concerned, when she turned back to her loyal physician and smiled wanly. ¡°Bring me Ward¡­ He will serve.¡± # Lindsey flailed and drifted in an endless, empty void, lightless, featureless, neither hot nor cold¡­ and silent. So silent her own heartbeat was stilled¡­ which was terrifying all by itself¡­ Never before had she dreamt at all, under the influence of duskmoon¡­ usually she would have dreamless sleep for several nights after a single dose. That this was a simple nightmare seemed unlikely, yet there was nothing she could do¡­ no act to take, no cue to find an exit from this endless, hopeless, black¡­ until with a vague and feeble flicker at the edge of her perceptions she was¡­ Riding bareback under a glorious starry night sky, astride a horse that ran tirelessly across a wide meadow that would never end! The wind rushed over her skin; her shoulder length brown hair streaming out behind her, in a pale reflection of the splendid, celestial mane that waved and rippled all around her body. Radiant energies, rather than horsehair, caressed her with an intimacy born of love and acceptance, the joy of horse and rider as one, caring for each other, sharing their hearts and souls¡­ ¡°Yes, you will do well in my herd¡­¡± A sweet, whinnying voice of joyous laughter sang in her mind. ¡°I shall introduce you to a few friends, before I return you to mortal dreams, new human child of Eponna. Perhaps something old, made new, once more will run across this old world¡­¡± Human words and mortal memories were insufficient to recall the events that followed in a whirling blur¡­ She vaguely sensed that she had been presented to¡­ Someone in an ivory mask that smiled so serenely, so Joyfully, she wanted to giggle and roll on the floor like a little girl in a pillow fight. A small golden haired boy flashed through her memory, beautiful, tiny and clever beyond mortal ken. Then there was a white furred spider woman, who should have been terrifying, rather than alluring and intriguing¡­ and more besides. Lindsey sat up in bed, gasping not with agony, terror or surprise, but in delight. She felt¡­ Good, really, really good¡­ despite the hefty form weighing her down, sprawled across her legs. With a long whinnying yawn and an ungainly stretch, a golden yearling colt stood up above her, with white socks on his hooves and a white star blaze on his wide, friendly face. ¡°I¡¯m hungry¡­¡± He whispered with a snort and a ripple of his muscular, if gangly body that came to her as clear human speech. ¡°Give me a name, then feed me¡­ Also, I need to poop, where are Gary¡¯s sandals?¡± He gigged in equine delight at his naughtiness. ¡°Oh, gods above and below¡­¡± She gasped, staring up, lost in delight and wonder at her familiar. # When the sound of horse hooves clattered on the floorboards, Lindsey was sure someone was going to come yell at her¡­ but he was way too big to carry out and how would that even work¡­? She giggled at the thought of her goofy, gangly, silly new friend riding her. That brought up exciting thoughts of Barry¡¯s warm body, looming over her, holding her¡­ ¡°Perhaps someday¡­¡± Someone might have whispered. She shook that thought away, and resumed her stealthy horsey extraction mission, just like in Adventure training¡­ The Journeymen instructors were forever coming up with impossible prank ¡®missions¡¯... like this one she found herself on¡­ Smuggling a horse out of a crowded inn, while first bell was calling the residents to wake¡­ This was not her first time. She sighed with happiness, remembering her carefree Adventure training, out in the wilds, sleeping under the wide open sky¡­ Of course she¡¯d been forced to give up all that, when Dana had touched her soul¡­ What use in learning arms, if she was to be a cleric of the Healer? Soon her days had been filled with books and lessons, etiquette and nobleways, since an acolyte of Healer was certain to marry well. Even an orphan might rise in society, in the robes of the beloved Dana¡­ Her wandering mind led to disaster, as she stepped out of the corridor, right into the lady of the house, tall and red haired, Shai was a gentle kind soul, but a terrible force of nature when roused. Lindsey¡¯s heart halted in terror, when the giantess stopped, looked from her, to her horsie companion and smiled. ¡°Mistress Shai¡­ It¡¯s not what it looks like¡­¡± She stammered weakly. ¡°We¡¯ll hae some slippers sewn fer the wee lad, ¡®ere lunchtime. I know ye would nae be parted so soon after bonding, an ye kinnae sleep in the stables, as Eponna¡¯s new ones are wont to do. ¡®Twould nae be proper.¡± Though the woman¡¯s upland brogue was nearly impenetrable, Lindsey gathered that this was no new thing in this gentle madhouse she¡¯d found herself lost in. ¡°Thank you, Mistress Shai¡­?¡± She answered, completely lost and willing to try anything at this point. ¡°Come along, Barry.¡± She murmured to her new pet, as she slipped out the side door, headed for the stables and a haycrib. # ¡°Is that my name?¡± He asked eagerly, once they were alone among the other horses. ¡°I like the way you said it¡­¡± He sighed, nudging her in the shoulder gently with his big, wide forehead. Mostly it was from affection, not because she was pouring molasses over a ration of rolled, toasted grain and was being stingy¡­ not just because of the sweet¡¯ sticky flood of rich, tasty goodness that flowed over his grain, and her hand. He had to lick that off in apology, of course. As a punishment, he was forced to suffer through an extended ear rub and jaw scratching session. His new mistress was tough, but fair... ¡°No, that was just to wind mistress Shai up a little¡­¡± She admitted in the privacy of the stable. ¡°Your name is Flash, but I¡¯ll call you Barry Allen when that boy annoys me¡­ Which he will, I¡¯m sure.¡± She announced firmly, with a wicked, joyous smile on her perfect, pink lips. ¡°I have no idea why, but that¡¯s your name! For some reason it just felt right.¡± Flash was more interested in breakfast, he still had a mission of his own, given by the mistress of the herd, herself¡­ That boy¡¯s sandals were done, as soon as he had something in him to unload on the Shadowmounted¡¯s shoes. # Amy smiled, as Shiro crept over the rafters in the barn, listening in despicably¡­ but she was talking in front of Annie and Sandi, the two biggest gossips in the whole family, there were no secrets in the stables... despite what so many young lovers believed. ¡°Perfect¡­¡± She whispered gleefully, as Shiro leapt down into her arms and shadows embraced the pair. Together, girl and cat faded from mortal sight with the faint sound of a brazen bell ringing across a vast distance¡­ # ¡°I can¡¯t thank you enough for looking after my brother¡¯s kids, Shiro¡­¡± Ward murmured in the hotspring pool, deep within the dryads¡¯ forest on the Madman¡¯s moon. The huge, chubby white cat waved his paw in dismissal, his great bell faintly tolling across the endless void, calling to the lost, dead and damaged. He inclined his head and waved his paw twice, bringing a frown to the human god¡¯s face. ¡°Really? She just threw her away? Eponna is the right one to pick up the pieces of that mess and make her whole again¡­ You or I would just fuck it up.¡± He sighed. ¡°Girls and ponies.¡± Shiro raised his hackles and chattered softly, one ear pinned back quizzically. ¡°Not a regular horsie? Interesting, I¡¯ll swing by and take a look.¡± He murmured confidently. The huge cat purred disbelief into the pool, shaking the surface of the water with his outrageous assumption. ¡°How do you know? Maybe I¡¯m a great horseman, with equestrian skills and knowledge coming out my ears¡­¡± He tried entirely too hard, while smiling in embarrassment. ¡°Ok, really, I¡¯ll ask my brother¡¯s buddy Rolf and his friend, Ester¡­ She¡¯s a legit unicorn!¡± He crowed at the ghost cat in victory. ¡°See? I know horses! I know lots of them!¡± Ward grinned and sighed¡­ ¡°Yeah, I know that¡¯s not how you meant it¡­ Lighten up buddy, take some time off from riding on Truck-Kun¡¯s dashboard and see the sights of a mortal realm¡­ It¡¯ll do you good, my Amy will help with that too.¡± He mewed, a ghostly and hollow sound, barely audible in this place, where there were so many spirits; yet only one soul linked to this place remained lost, somewhere down on the other world, far below. Ward sighed at the thought of his brother, fighting against unknowable, immortal, pitiless, irresistible forces once more. ¡°Poor idiots are so fucked¡­¡± He mumbled aloud, drawing a satisfied purr from the lucky cat. Ward smiled, when Shiro faded away in a faint, gray mist and the sound of a distant bell. A moment later, Fig slipped into the bath, her dummy thicc hips smooshing into his lap as her slender arms wrapped around his neck pressing her small firm breasts against him. He smiled down at his petite, wide hipped lover and kissed her pink lips, savoring their eternal sweetness. ¡°Your kitty friend called me over¡­ Or at least he kept waving at me¡­¡± She whispered in his ear, as she smooshed herself against him more aggressively. ¡°Huh, Lucky for me¡­ Welcome to my magic lap ride, darling!¡± He laughed and held her close to him, as the ride began. # Ch: 50 If I Can Find The Time Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 50 If I Can Find The Time ¡°Ward cannot be found, nor will he answer summons, great lady¡­¡± Nightingale whispered, as chief nurse of the eternal hospitaliers, she bore the shame of their failure. ¡°Did you bare your breasts and make a shameful mortal display of yourselves outside his forest?¡± She demanded. ¡°He seems amenable to such blandishments.¡± She sneered at her retainer. ¡°We did, great one. A host of dryads came forth and shamed us by displaying themselves in an even more vulgar fashion¡­ we were forced to withdraw, great one. The depth of their perversity is beyond our reach.¡± She whispered in even deeper shame. ¡°We wore our scantiest uniforms, yet we were defeated by their¡­ armaments.¡± She glanced down at the contents of her snug white robe and frowned. ¡°We were¡­ and remain, ill equipped.¡± ¡°Sweety, you have everything you need¡­ don¡¯t doubt that.¡± The casually dressed god of Death and Vengeance said from a luxurious black pillowed divan; placed right beside Dana¡¯s golden settee. ¡°Confidence and consent are key elements of sexy, and your sexy nurse brigade had neither.¡± He spoke softly to the Nightingale, his voice soothing and warm. ¡°I prefer it when my would-be paramore is more interested in our plans, than her mistresses¡¯ desires¡­ But if you want to swing by and have a dip in my pool, when you¡¯re off duty¡­¡± Somehow, Nightingale felt his eyes were filled with actual care, rather than base, animal¡­ ¡°I summoned you many times, child of Ipet.¡± Dana snapped, interrupting the two fools. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m the child of Ipet¡­ in a lot of ways¡­¡± He cooed softly at the greater divine, sprawled on her couch, nearly weeping in her fury and misery. ¡°But don¡¯t forget, I¡¯m Vengeance in my own right and Vengeance does not come when called.¡± His smile grew very cold and thin, so drastically different from the expression Nightingale was still cooing and humming to herself about. ¡°Vengeance seeks out those who are due a visit¡­ In its own time.¡± He whispered even more softly, leaning close and speaking directly into her ear.. ¡°Ware¡¯ my kiss, it is death; ware¡¯ my strike, death is a mercy.¡± ¡°Speak plain, lesser light, speak that I might understand, not in obscure couplets!¡± Dana demanded. ¡°Remember, Dana¡­ Remember what I just told you, if you hear those words again, your end will be close at hand.¡± He giggled madly at his jest and waved two fully functional extremities at her, as he slowly began to fade away into mist. ¡°For the moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on¡­¡± He whispered, as he vanished. ¡°I hate the Wards¡­¡± Dana snarled, her face, once so serene, had now beecome twisted in rage. # ¡°I hate the Wards¡­¡± Benny, Maya and Frankie muttered crossly and in perfect harmony, as morning training dragged on and on. ¡°Well tough nugs, guys, we all gained a Contract this week and you need to up your game if you wanna keep up!¡± Amy barked, from the head of the pack. They were running down a long, wide stretch of river road, with fully loaded packs and in full, mundane training gear¡­ the extra heavy kind. The four triplets were there, as well as a lanky, brown haired girl they had barely been introduced to before the run began. Only newgirl was unburdened, running alongside her gangly, yearling colt, Flash, with a stupidly wide smile on her face¡­ She was running behind three very nice young bottoms. Maya reflected, as she ran in her heavy gear. The firm haunches of Perry, Larry and Harry were a fine sight, even if they were only just fourteen and fifteen¡­ which didn¡¯t explain the poor girl¡¯s doofy smile, Maya decided. Her grin was only for the horsie beside her, and Barry, on her other flank, also smiling like a moron. She did the math and quickly came up with a sum she liked very much, very much indeed¡­ They heaved to a stop at a clear mountain pool, gasping and collapsing to the soft forest moss one by one. Shiro leapt out of Amy¡¯s bodice, where he could never have fit and began to ¡®patrol¡¯ the area, like a big kitty¡­ No dandelion tuft or errant butterfly would escape his lambent, golden eyes and flashing toebeans. Flash curled up at Lindsey¡¯s back under a willow tree, near the edge of the meadow, letting her rest against his bulk and conveniently excluding Barry from the scene, as Wilf and Amy distributed snacks. Maya slipped over to the new girl and settled in beside her, petting the horsie¡¯s big, wide nose when he snuffled over to say hello, craning his long neck to sniff her. Maya palmed the colt a sugar cube, as was traditional, when trying to have a private chat with an equestrian. ¡°So, Barry, huh?¡± She whispered quietly. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Frankie¡¯s mine¡­ You know what you¡¯re in for? Getting together with one of the Ward boys?¡± She murmured, while the objects of her gossip sprawled around nearby. ¡°They¡¯re sitting right there¡­¡± She whispered urgently. ¡°Sound deadening gift.¡± Amy said softly, as she flopped down beside them and paid Flash his sugar cube tribute. ¡°They will respect the privacy of girltalk. We¡¯ve beaten that into them.¡± She smiled brightly and pulled Flash¡¯s head down into her lap. ¡°The only boys allowed to listen are Shiro and Flash. Now, where were we?¡± ¡°What to expect when dating a Ward boy.¡± Maya announced, dropping the pretense of whispering. ¡°It¡¯s a lot.¡± Somehow, it seemed that the fronds of their sheltering willow closed in around them, sheltering the group from prying eyes as well. ¡°I¡¯ve seen him¡­ in the bath¡­¡± She muttered, blushing bright red at the memory. ¡°That¡¯s not what I meant, but¡­ nice. Right?¡± Maya said, with a salty wink. ¡°Hey¡­¡± Amy protested weakly. ¡°My little brother¡¯s, little brother aside¡­ We¡¯re different from most families¡­ we have some family traditions that are kinda¡­¡± Maya held up a hand to silence Amy and spoke briskly, in a businesslike manner. ¡°The Wards are monsters, whether fighting, playing or fucking. They are absolutely crazy, and will do anything, if it¡¯s the right thing to do¡­ or if it looks fun. The whole lot of them.¡± The slim, muscular girl said firmly, while Amy squirmed uncomfortably. ¡°The house moves around with them and is haunted, haunted as fuck. Haunted by ghosts, spirits, fae beings, minor divinites and whatever the fuck ¡®Uncle Ward¡¯ is, cause he¡¯s not a normal mortal; thats one hundo percent.¡± Lindsey opened her mouth to ask a question and got run over by the smaller girl. ¡°They are all weird, weird to the bone, but in the best ways. Most of their gear is enchanted, like legit magical equipment, like in stories of fabled heroes. The stuff is made by their father¡­ or so they say. I suspect they are just as crafty and magical, even though they always avoid the subject¡­¡± ¡°Maya we¡­¡± Amy began, and got crushed by the tiny girl. ¡°I¡¯ve been part of Team Ragamuffin for three years and they still throw me out of their house whenever more than two of them start working on something down in their forbidden workshop¡­¡± Maya had a tear in one eye and her voice was getting a little ragged. ¡°Oh. Maya, darling, it¡¯s not like that¡­¡± Amy began, only to get trampled once more. ¡°We¡¯re friends, and sisters¡­ Sometimes, I think Frankie understands more than I do, but he won¡¯t talk, not even to me¡­¡± She sobbed, collapsing onto Amy¡¯s shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Maya, we¡¯ve been hiding things from you¡­ cause it¡¯s super weird and kinda¡­ weird¡­¡± Amy sniffled and sobbed onto her smaller friend. Soon, Lindsey was in the heap of sniffling, crying girls, her own troubles forgotten¡­ for now. # ¡°So¡­ Jam sesh?¡± Harry asked when the girls got all emotional in the willow bower. ¡°Yeah¡­ and you can tell us what¡¯s going on at home.¡± Quiet, taciturn Benny said firmly. ¡°Gods and such¡­ We¡¯re fighting with Healer, ¡®cause she tried to do butt stuff with Barry and he wasn¡¯t down.¡± Larry replied, drawing a shout of outrage from Benny and giggles from the other boys, while Wilf passed around the instruments. ¡°Butt stuff.¡± Wilf agreed, neatly skirting his inability to tell a lie, just for fun and ti hear barry squawk again. ¡°Huh¡­ that is weird¡­ even for you guys.¡± Frankie muttered, before putting his big mouth to use on his flute. ¡°New girl is cute, nice job Barry.¡± Benny agreed, as his banjo began to chime its sweet song into the hills. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. Boytalk just kinda hits different. # ¡°Ooh, sweet, Jam sesh¡­¡± Amy sighed, once they were cried out and had wiped their faces on warm, damp, scented cloths, produced from Amy¡¯s sleeve with a theatrical flourish. In a trice, whatever spell had held them in a bubble of silence ended, allowing sweet music to flood over the girls. # Lindsey had been dreading the run back; two years in the Healer¡¯s courses had left her out of shape and footsore¡­ She had also forgotten to put salve on the tender places wise runners know to protect. The Wards had gifted her a suit of the underlayers they all wore beneath their weighted training armor, a soft, breathable trouser and shirt combo that were so soft to the touch, she¡¯d neglected her poor, rubbed raw nipples¡­ Amy saw her tender careful movements and took her aside, while the boys were still playing sweet, beautiful music into the woods, just for them. She took the slim girl aside and handed her a packet of the violet unguent that had become a critically controlled substance, out on the edge of things, where a healer might be far away. ¡°Amy¡­ I can¡¯t use these for¡­ this¡­!¡± She whispered, both horrified by the suggestion and scandalized by the expense. ¡°It¡¯ll do ¡®til we get back home; a bath will fix that nasty chafing right up¡­ A girl¡¯s gotta keep her tatas on point.¡± Amy urged her new friend, with a wide parody of a lascivious grin on her face. ¡°Here, I¡¯ll help¡­ You aren¡¯t ticklish, are you?¡± Lindsey swatted the silly, grabby girl away from her bosoms, driving her off with flimsy slaps and flailing, giggling nonsense. Finally, she defeated Amy the boobie grabber and sighed. ¡°Very well, I¡¯ll waste this valuable ointment on my tits.¡± ¡°Your ass too¡­ You¡¯re gonna need your ass shipshape for the trip back.¡± Amy warned her, as she left the young nurse alone, to attend her chafed nips and bottom in private. She emerged from the bower feeling so much better and only slightly dreading the return run¡­ The others had changed from their heavy training gear, switching for light, flexible armor. It seemed to be light, tough, cloth armor, with sculpted and jointed wooden plates and segments at knees, elbows, forearms and calves. Their breast and back plates featured holes pierced right through! They must provide plenty of ventilation¡­ but not exactly what one would wear in battle. While uniform in design, each one was uniquely colorful, in dark green, red, cobalt blue, brown and bright, springtime green. On a folding armor rack stood a suit like theirs, in a rich, mellow, light brown, embellished with a spray of the local golden poppies, in bright lacquer work on the breast¡­ her very favorite flower¡­ and a beautiful, silver, rampant warhorse depicted on each pauldron. ¡°For... me?¡± She asked haltingly. ¡°Yup.¡± Harry said firmly from astride one of the mad machines she¡¯d seen around, from the windows and cloisters of the temple complex. ¡°Gotta wear the gear if you ride with us, it¡¯s the rules¡­¡± He announced, as if gifting someone a complete suit of training armor was no small thing. First the precious ointment, then¡­ this. Because of her height, she¡¯d been forced to wear an ill-fitted mix of girl¡¯s and boy¡¯s pieces, cobbled together from the dusty old gear in the orphanage stores when she was still training for Adventure¡­ and dreaming of having her own gear, someday. Those dreams had been of a utilitarian, standard armor kit, that didn¡¯t smell like an old man¡¯s feet or pinch her in tender places. She¡¯d never dreamt of something like this, something¡­ pretty. ¡°Barry made that¡­ He was up most of the night working on it with our pops.¡± Larry catcalled from down the line of ¡®bikes¡¯. ¡°He wants to huuuug you!¡± The taunting ended with loud thud, as an armored fist hit an armored belly. A few seconds of good natured, brotherly, woody clattering later, they were back in formation. Maya and Amy took her by the elbows and hauled the lanky, mystified girl over to the rack and started buckling the elements of the armor together while the boys were still scuffling around. In a surprisingly short time she was fully kitted out in an armor rig that was too light and unrestrictive to be real. The light helmet offered great visibility, but almost no face protection. Likewise, her belly and groin were nearly unprotected, since her breastplate, like theirs, followed the curvature of her ribs, ending there. It was comfortable and allowed free movement, but those obvious vulnerabilities called the value of the strange gear into question. ¡°This armor is too light to be useful in combat¡­ perhaps if we were just bashing into things¡­¡± She said, as Amy led her to Barry¡¯s machine. ¡°We hope that you won¡¯t bash into anything, but we wear safety gear just in case.¡± Amy said reassuringly. Unlike the others¡¯ machines, Barry¡¯s had an additional structure attached to it, a curved beam with a saddle and stirrups attached. ¡°You¡¯re riding tandem with Barry on the way back. Be sure to hold on tight.¡± She announced confidently, while settling Lindsey in her seat and placing her hands on the boy¡¯s firm, muscular hips. ¡°Remember to hold on, and relax.¡± She delivered a swat to the silent boy¡¯s shoulder and they took off. The machine leapt into life, surging forward like a live thing, desperate to run. Flash cantered behind them, giggling with equine glee at her soft wail of terror. After a few moments of absolute, mind rending fear, Lindsey¡¯s heart slowed down and she began to breathe again. Trees swept by, as they rolled along faster than a cantering horse, almost flying down the wide, level road in utter quiet, save for the whir of the wheels and the wind rushing past her helmet. With growing confidence in her companion¡¯s skills with this strange device, she leaned forward to look out over his shoulder. With her front pressed to his back she could feel the animal warmth of him, through the strange armor¡­ which made the experience even more magical. Flash took to sprinting ahead, urging Barry on to greater speed¡­ Which he refused again and again, until Lindsey leaned even farther forward and whispered in his ear: ¡°Show that silly colt who¡¯s faster, Barry.¡± Since becoming an orphan at eight, Lindsey had tried to live her life without regrets, taking each day as it came and living it as fully as she could; knowing all too well how swiftly things can be taken away. Now she regretted every day spent in Healer¡¯s service, learning the arts and skills of a lay healer and the tenets of the faith, while awaiting the completion of her Contract¡­ Which had been taken without warning, much the way her previous life had ended, with sudden and violent upheaval. Suddenly, her only regret was her own cocky, thrill seeking folly that had led her to encourage her fool boy to race her familiar¡­ ¡°Slow down!¡± She wailed as they flew over a small creek, eschewing the footbridge, leaping it from a loamy embankment instead. ¡°Nooooo!¡± She cried, as a long downhill became a whistling nightmare of blurred foliage and near impacts with trees that seemed to leap at them from hiding¡­ Suddenly the armor made more sense and seemed a terribly feeble protection from this peril. When they arrived at the inn once more, she was a gasping, wrecked thing, barely able to hold on to her warm, muscular, awful boy. She wondered exactly when she¡¯d decided he was hers¡­ but it was done. # Amy and Maya poured what remained of Lindsey out of her armor and into the bath, thankfully it was, once more pregnant lady time, so no boys were allowed. They ¡®made do¡¯ in the vast public baths¡­ which sounded a lot more fun, from the faint sounds that drifted over the hedge. ¡°Don¡¯t do it¡­¡± Becky whispered, while Amy combed Lindsey¡¯s hair in the pool. ¡°My poor Kermie had to ask me out for the first time while in the bath with me¡­ I thought he was going to pass out from the stress.¡± She sighed fondly. ¡°Not every boy has the courage or confidence to face such a crucible.¡± ¡°Yeah, back in Wheatford, the townie kids all cut a wide course around the ¡®creepy Wards¡¯... The boys don¡¯t have a lot of confidence¡­¡± Amy murmured. ¡°Unless they¡¯re working their crafts and arts.¡± She grinned at that last, shooting a wink at the taller girl. # ¡°I dunno, Barry. You just met this girl¡­¡± Perry murmured, down in Wilf¡¯s workshop. ¡°Let¡¯s take it as it comes, for a while, at least.¡± Barry grumbled a little, hung his head and then nodded. ¡°Yeah, I get it.¡± he glanced up from glaring at his shoes, to meet his brothers¡¯ eyes. ¡°She¡¯s special, guys.¡± ¡°I¡¯m with you, Barry.¡± Harry declared, drawing a glare from Larry. ¡°I¡¯m a yes vote, whenever it¡¯s time to decide.¡± His smile widened and he focused in on Barry. ¡°Tomorrow¡¯s festival day, you and her should hang out¡­ alone.¡± The youngest Ward tossed a small pouch onto the workbench beside the blushing lad, it landed with a dull, metallic clink. ¡°My treat. I know you spent your allowance already, bro.¡± Barry made a face at his younger brother, but he made the pouch vanish too. ¡°Thanks, bro.¡± He murmured softly. ¡°How is Harry always flush?¡± Larry asked Perry, very quietly. ¡°Because our guests tip me when I¡¯m tending the stables¡­¡± The keen eared lad grumbled at his older brother. ¡°Which you would know, if you didn¡¯t always bribe me to do your stable chores.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± Larry stammered, as he laid a hand to his own very slim purse. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°No, not really, forget I said anything¡­¡± Harry mumbled, looking shifty. ¡°Did you guys know?¡± Larry demanded sharply. ¡°About tips?¡± ¡°Nah, I wait tables when mom and dad are busy¡­ I really rake it in.¡± Perry sighed happily. ¡°I think the real question is, Why are you and I always broke?¡± Barry sighed, as he headed for the stairs. ¡°Gotta run, there¡¯s a girl waiting for me.¡± He announced smugly as he left. # Flash wore a set of light canvas panniers, as he accompanied them on a stroll through the gate market and market ward, enjoying a leisurely afternoon. Slowly the bags began to fill, as Barry checked items off a long list, one by one. ¡°Tell me if it gets too heavy, pal.¡± Barry told the silly yearling, when he settled two ten pound bags of salt onto his carrier, one on each side. The little gangly horse chuffed and flicked his ears at the boy, in cocky self assurance. They almost seemed to be conversing, as though he could hear her familiar¡¯s voice as clearly as she. Yet, he spoke to her in a very cool and stilted way, seeming distant. Next came a few bolts of the tough, close woven, local linen and wool, from the weaver¡¯s hall. He was all confidence with the pretty sixteen year old weaver¡¯s apprentice who handled his trades, dealing in craft tokens, rather than coin, as members of that cult often did. Barter drove at least half of the economy in distant Foresthome, where coin was relatively scarce. ¡°I¡¯ll send Perry and Larry by to look at that loom tomorrow, Mirabele.¡± He said with a smile. ¡°You could step back into the workshop and look at it now¡­ And call me Mira¡­.¡± She leaned over the counter casually, letting her top gape open just a bit, displaying a nice expanse of smoothly rounded, golden tanned skin. She shot a smile of victory at Lindsey, who was standing right there! Her smile sank, when Barry shook his head, while still totally staring at her cleavage. He was just a mortal boy, after all. ¡°I¡¯m escorting a lady through the market, this afternoon, apprentice Mirabelle.¡± He coughed a little in order to break his lazer lock on those perky curves, barely hidden in a thin linen chemise and a wide laced bodice. He even managed to take Lindsey¡¯s hand, if awkwardly, as they walked out of the shop, promising to send his brothers by later. ¡°You two seem¡­ close.¡± Lindsey said sweetly, once they were outside, speaking very carefully, and very sweetly. ¡°Nuh, uh.¡± He mumbled in bright red embarrassment. ¡°She¡¯s like that with all of us, even Harry¡­ I don¡¯t think she can even tell us apart. It¡¯s pretty gross.¡± ¡°That is pretty gross.¡± She agreed, sounding sweet, but far less careful, now. Several rolled shearling sheep hides came next, collected from the tannery; followed a trip to the orphanage to collect a dozen or so small animal pelts, wrapped in a tight bundle. Lindsey strolled the small orphanage compound, while he waited for his contact. She chatted, visited her former comrades¡­ and now her comrades again, most likely, While Barry looked awkward and out of place. He perked up when a tall young man in brown huntsman¡¯s leathers appeared from the dormitory with a wave hello for the big lad. They exchanged hearty greetings, Barry¡¯s awkwardness forgotten in a moment as they headed for the storehouse out back with a bemused Lindsey following along. ¡°They buy your pelts?¡± She asked when Reginald, one of the older boys in the ranger program, brought the big, furry bundle out of the orphan¡¯s shared storehouse. ¡°Hey, Lindsey¡­¡± Reg smiled wanly and waved a weak greeting¡­ as though she had been sick or a relative of hers had passed. ¡°Yeah, they give a better price than at the tanner¡­¡± Reg said happily, until he realized Barry was listening. ¡°By a lot¡­¡± He whispered that last very softly. ¡°Don¡¯t tell them.¡± ¡°We know we¡¯re overpaying by about double, Reg.¡± Barry answered from across the storeroom, where he was looking over a rack stuffed with tightly rolled random minor monster hides. ¡°That¡¯s so we won¡¯t feel guilty when we criminally rip you off, the first chance we get.¡± He smiled happily while he fingered the ¡®goods¡¯. ¡°Is this possessed deerhide?¡± He asked a moment later. ¡°Uhhh¡­probably? We skin ¡®em, dry the hides and roll them up¡­ that¡¯s probably been there a long time.¡± Reg answered with a shrug. ¡°Nobody wants monster hides. We sell them to the tanner in a bulk lot for glue making a few times a year.¡± ¡°Sold, I¡¯ll buy the lot.¡± He announced firmly. ¡°I¡¯ll send someone by for them before evening.¡± He handed Reg one of the Ward¡¯s weird wooden abstract tokens, carved in a looping figure they called a ¡®treble clef¡¯. ¡°Family purchase. This is where we totally rip you guys off.¡± He said with a smile. ¡°These are criminally undervalued. My pops will be over the moon for the haunted bearskin¡­ that must have been a hell of a fight¡­¡± Lindsey watched the odd, awkward boy who¡¯d been stiff as an old fence post through the market become a relaxed, confident craftsman in his element. They chatted and joshed, as boys will, as they finished their dealings. At the end, Reg winked at Lindsey, before he grinned at Barry. ¡°Check out the monster stag beetle carapace out back, you might like it. He bumbled into the uplands gate last night. The guards made us haul it here.¡± As though launched from a bowstring, Barry vanished; hot on the trail of monster parts, leaving Lindsey, Reg and Flash alone in the shady storehouse. ¡°You and Barry, huh?¡± He asked calmly, a little hurt in his eyes. ¡°He¡¯s crazy, but a good guy.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Reg¡­¡± She whispered. ¡°I do like you, you¡¯re special to me¡­ but he¡¯s¡­¡± The tall boy smiled and scratched Flash¡¯s long, silly ears. ¡°Your familiar?¡± He asked softly, changing the subject. ¡°You got another Contract already?¡± She smiled; a cold, sad little expression on her usually warm and open face. ¡°I lost Healer¡­ now I have Eponna, one of the new gods¡­ and Flash here.¡± ¡°You lost Healer?¡± He asked softly. When she simply shook her head he let it go. ¡°I¡¯m always here, Lin.¡± Barry came back, so excited he looked sick. ¡°Gotta have it. What are you asking? ¡°We¡¯ll pay you a copper half to haul it away.¡± Reg answered firmly. ¡°Seriously, that thing is gross.¡± ¡°Sold. Wilf and Rio will be all over that.¡± He muttered confidently, before being distracted by the eager and frisky, golden colt. ¡°No Flash, I don¡¯t expect you to carry it.¡± He sighed. ¡°Really! What kind of guy do you think I am?¡± # Ch: 51 Not Today, Son Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 51 Not Today, Son Flash and Barry had a lovely time; chatting and being silly, goofing on each other as boys will¡­ Back at the inn, when they finished unloading, Barry took Flash to the public baths for a wash; to get the scent of dried monster and small animal hides out of his sensitive nostrils. Lindsey found herself grateful for that, since she was experiencing his sense of smell through their bond and it was pretty miserable. The young nurse¡­ or former nurse found herself in Amy¡¯s tidy little room upstairs to confer with her new girlfriends¡­ ¡°How¡¯d it go?¡± Maya asked, looking hopeful, but not overly so. With a great, gasping sigh, she flopped down on Amy¡¯s fluffy, pillowy soft bed and rolled around in the marvelous covers for a few moments. ¡°I¡¯d be over the moon, If he treated me like he does my horse¡­¡± She moaned. ¡°But I see and hear everything Flash does¡­ so it¡¯s really confusing and super weird!¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± Amy mumbled happily, as a new familiar bond holder herself. ¡°Right! And ¡®cause he¡¯s one of us, Eponna is already all over him. That¡¯s gotta be complicated, feelings wise.¡± ¡°He¡¯s rubbing Flash¡¯s ears¡­ in the bath¡­ right now and it feels¡­ so good.¡± She moaned pitifully. ¡°And you see through his eyes?¡± Maya asked, intrigued by this new magic her friends possessed. ¡°Yes, and Flash has a very wide range of vision¡­¡± She mumbled, her face so bright red it was almost glowing. ¡°There¡¯s a red haired giant in there with the biggest¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s my uncle Tallum, he¡¯s the sweetest guy¡­ but yeah.¡± Amy mumbled awkwardly. ¡°My family has a lot of experience with¡­ complicated familiars, we can work on some mental techniques and animus cultivation to help in the meantime.¡± ¡°Really? Because this is a lot to deal with. I¡¯m pretty confused and dizzy a lot of the time.¡± She murmured, nearly lost in the fluffy princess bed. ¡°I think my pops is already working on something for that, so just try and stay relaxed.¡± Amy soothed her. ¡°My Shiro is a spirit, so he¡¯s less¡­ immediately jarring. The ghosts are a little annoying though.¡± ¡°G-G-Ghosts?¡± She stammered from the chenille fastness of Pillowfort Amy, bulwark against boys, bed of the Pirate Princess. ¡°Oh, yeah. But we¡¯ve always been pretty haunted anyway. It¡¯s a family tradition.¡± Amy sighed sadly. ¡°Another Ward family tradition is being absolutely socially inept.¡± The beautiful, dusky skinned Pirate sighed and shook out her long, silken black hair. ¡°He took you on a walk in the market¡­ to buy stinky monster hides and loose pelts?¡± When Lindsey nodded, Amy¡¯s eyes flashed with anger and disappointment. ¡°I¡¯d like to apologize for that¡­¡± Under her breath, Amy muttered softly to herself; and her younger brother out in the stables, grifting the guests. ¡°I thought you took care of¡­ the date problem.¡± ¡°I gave him half a bronze mark in loose change¡­¡± Harry muttered in wide wonder, while he groomed a sweet tempered mare. ¡°Even a complete goof couldn¡¯t screw up with¡­ Tell me he didn¡¯t take her buying monster parts.¡± ¡°He totally took her out to buy monster parts.¡± Amy whispered through her vocal gifts, directly into her brother¡¯s ear. ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± He muttered in horror. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, we can fix this!¡± ¡°Nope, I¡¯m taking command. Stand down, soldier.¡± Amy spoke crisply, for an eldritch whisper across the plane of shadows and the shadiest parts of the magical spectrum. ¡°This is a battle of the sexes, don¡¯t get caught in the crossfire.¡± ¡°Too late, far too late.¡± The youngest Ward boy whispered to the horsie he was brushing down, since no one else was listening. # Gary deliberately isolated himself from most of the goings on in the household for a few hours. He needed all his efforts directed towards creating a magical item to damp down or suppress some of the sensory input from the familiar bond. That would make their transition into their new life much easier¡­ for both of them. The difficulty came in crafting the thing; divine bonds, especially familiar bonds were devilishly tricky. He spun his project around and around, seeking any imperfections or irregularities. Satisfied, he began pouring over the surface, checking each tiny rune and magical glyph. The spellwork on the outer surfaces were for durability, corrosion resistance, impact and interference shielding and a nifty charm designed to prevent loss or theft. The real meat and potatoes of the work was on the inner circumference, where the slim silver bangle would touch her skin. Soft music began, as the shadowy forest realm that haunted his restless dreams manifested around the craftsman at his work. A soft piano line tinkled and sang sweetly for a few timeless moments, as his world narrowed to encompass only the tiny band of silver on his bench. An intricate tangle of sutras, spells and charms wove over the inner surface, tangled together in an eye watering mixture of alphabets, from modern english, to cuneiform and pictographs from all over human history. No sane mage could or would be able to decipher his mad tangle of alien languages and scripts, at least not without his very odd gift and background. A slightly harsh, longing voice began to croon plaintively from the shadows all around, as guitars swelled and rose among drums and bass that called to him, from the edges of reality. The dark side''s coming now, nothing is real¡­ Gary, an orphaned, homeless, crippled teenager from another world had spent his lonely, furtive childhood in the local library, wherever he¡¯d found himself. In the library, he was at peace, out of the weather and surrounded by books. The siren call of a place that was warm and dry all winter and cool all summer was irresistible, even if he had to be quiet¡­ He¡¯d never been too avid a reader, but eventually he¡¯d plowed through much of the great literature of the past, just to avoid drawing attention. Readers became invisible in the quiet, tranquil library, while idle loungers invariably drew hostile attention¡­ something a kid hiding from the state system couldn¡¯t afford. Invisibility had been his watchword; keep quiet, stick to shady, lonely corners and avoid any attention. For two years he¡¯d lived on his own, since escaping juvie and vanishing into the streets of northern California. Without warning one evening, he¡¯d been forcibly shoved through the veil while heading home from his unreported, under the table job. He¡¯d fallen down dead on earth, or so he gathered, as his soul was drawn away to finally arrive here, on the ancient, spirit haunted realm of faery; with a head full of music¡­ and books that were in languages he could suddenly speak and read. A fortunate crack in his broken, damaged soul allowed him access, subconsciously at first, to all the information crammed in his head; from every encyclopedia, dictionary, and book he¡¯d ever read, or even flipped through. All the documentaries, boring classes in school and every dull tv program he had to sit through in the dayroom in juvie were suddenly valuable resources. On this world of magic, where literacy was nearly a lost art outside the nobility; script, sutras and cryptic runes carried the weight of the ages, pressing down on the human races¡¯ shared memories, gaining an outsized metaphysical gravity all their own. Magic is the essence of sentient Wills and Minds, churning their thoughts and desires into the planet¡¯s magical fields, influencing and being influenced by the endless, teeming generations of mortal lives; human and others, that had sprawled across the ancient realm of the fae. Here written words, especially if they were foreign to the reader, carried weight and potency that could move mountains, if they were impressively mysterious and cryptic enough¡­ As a huge nerd and borderline complete goofball with a dramatic, overwrought, chuni streak, Gary was an ideal mad wizard¡­ or he had been. Aint'' nothing''s gonna save ya from a love that''s blind Slip through the dark side and cross that line¡­ On the dark side, oh yeah His natural craftyness and background as an artisan, combined with his innate brokenness; to spill fragments of his living soul into the works of his hands, creating a magic unseen in the realm in countless generations. Now, only fragments of his odd and distressing power to touch the hearts and minds of others remained¡­ And his vast store of human music, poetry and languages from another freaking world and time. When he strung out his Will and desires in the near endless ancient scripts his translation gift had opened to him, he¡¯d discovered his own brand of magical engineering. Sometimes it was intentional, designed and devised to a strict and rational plan¡­ Other times he just got lost in the music and magic. When that happened, the results could be odd. Surrounded by the shadow forest that was a dim reflection of what he had been, a faint trickle of power lingered just within reach. Like a thirsty man in the desert, the allure of that spring of cool, fast flowing magic carried him away. He became lost in thoughts of flying behind Kree¡¯s eyes; experiencing the joy of natural flight, as he touched Eponna¡¯s bond and began manipulating the energies of her free spirited, joyous magic. He felt really on, this evening¡­ more in the zone than he¡¯d been in years and it was intoxicating. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. With music out of reach, his crafts and Kree¡¯s headlong flights through the starlit woods had become his creative outlets, easing the pain of his new existence¡­ He kept working his silver bangle, inscribing the words and secrets of a time and place so alien to this world, slowly filling up the available space, long after he¡¯d finished the task he¡¯d set out on. With a sharp tinkle of shattering glass, the silver bangle dropped from his hand, falling to the table where it landed with a loud, bell-like ringing sound. A grunt of displeasure sounded in the soft, lingering music of the outro to ¡®On The Dark Side¡¯, almost lost in the fading song. The last notes drifted away, as he tried to collect his dropped project¡­ and couldn¡¯t. He simply couldn¡¯t pick up or move the thing, not even a little. It was some weird combo of too small and slick to grip, too heavy to pick up and resistant to his touch. He took a deep, calming breath; taking air in slowly, over a slow four count, holding it for four more long seconds. He began expelling his breath slowly, taking a full measure and leaving his lungs empty at the end of the cycle for the same count, before repeating. The ¡®square breath¡¯ was a basic technique for balancing one¡¯s aura, Will and Mind for intense magical workings. He exhaled one long, sacred breath into his workshop and reached out a single finger to inquire, rather than manipulate the object. The Shadowmounted¡¯s Bangle, Enchanted jewelry. You are incompatible with this work of craft. This band will allow the familiar and her bonded rider to proactively and consciously regulate the bond¡¯s sensory inputs and outputs. This object has been touched by the divine. All further details occult. ¡°Huh¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°Weird.¡± With that, he draped a clean linen cloth over the immobile bracelet and headed for the stairs, as reality reasserted its hold on the workshop. In a far back corner, unseen by all, an interstellar cellar spider spun wildly in its web, before vanishing with a faint crackling sound and a short lived shower of pretty, eldritch sparkles. # ¡°Master Ward¡­¡± Lindsey said very carefully to her unpredictable and deeply troubling host. ¡°Just Gary, I¡¯m an apprentice Adventurer; otherwise, I¡¯m just Gary.¡± He murmured happily. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Err¡­ What is my familiar doing in your house?¡± She asked calmly. ¡°Shush, Flash, I didn¡¯t ask you, silly horse.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, He¡¯s wearing slippers.¡± The strange man said cheerfully, while pointing to the fluffy, leather soled slippers her horse was wearing. Four matching horse slippers adorned his hooves. Slippers in the shape of a plush human head¡­ her human head, captured in charming embroidery and fluffy dyed fur. ¡°That¡¯s a whole other thing¡­ Master Wa¡­ Gary.¡± She mumbled awkwardly, as he tried to carry on, leading her horse to the door to his forbidden workshop. ¡°It¡¯s fine, he just needs to help me with something, downstairs.¡± Barry¡¯s dad sang in his odd, lyric accent. Amy swept in and took her by the hand with a kiss on her cheek. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Eponna¡¯s got a huge crush on my dad. She¡¯s still super mad he can¡¯t Contract her.¡± With that enigmatic declaration, she hauled her tall, lanky new friend over to the bar so they could continue hanging out, while Amy, Harry and Rio worked on dinner together. ¡°Yeah, buddy, just in time. It¡¯s steak night; snake steak, I think. That monster viper was enormous!¡± He told the frisking, slipper clad colt, as they headed downstairs into the mysterious ¡®Lab¡¯. # Flash bumbled back up a few minutes later, alone. He slid the workshop door open unaided somehow and closed it after himself in a manner that remained unclear, before trotting directly up to Lindsey in his silly slippers, his head held high in triumph. ¡°Slow down, goofus, you¡¯re not making any sense, talking with your mouth full¡­ what is that?.¡± Lindsey turned to her new friends and shrugged. ¡°He said something about how he¡¯s carrying a gift from ¡®Shadowmounted¡¯ or some such foolishness.¡± ¡°Oh, that¡¯s my pops. Eponna¡¯s children all call him that¡­ She really likes him, she¡¯s forever giving him weird and wordy names like ¡®the rider in darkness¡¯ and stuff like that.: She shrugged. ¡°So, whatcha got, Flash?¡± Amy demanded of the tall skinny familiar, shooting him between the eyes with a cheerful wink. He leaned his head over the bar and dropped a slim silver bangle onto the smooth, polished oak. The thing landed with terrible weight and the resounding, dulcet chime of a single enormous silver bell being struck¡­ and then muted. They all leaned closer, peering at the simple little ornament without touching it. The thing seemed absurdly massive in some inexplicable way; just looking at it made the idea of moving such a weighty thing nearly impossible. ¡°It¡¯s a bracelet?¡± Lindsey finally asked. ¡°I couldn¡¯t accept a thing like this¡­¡± ¡°You¡¯ve left the familiar world you know, Lindsey.¡± Her host¡¯s soft, lyric accent spoke behind her. While she was stammering and holding her hands up in denial, a huge, leathery paw reached out and clasped her tiny wrist. ¡°You¡¯ve taken a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist.¡± He announced in a strange, stentorian tone that suggested he was quoting scripture, followed by a foolish giggle of mirth, while his kids all moaned softly in fond mockery and false distress. ¡°Nope, no Knight rider references¡­ weirdo.¡± Amy said firmly, while picking up the bangle without any trouble and slipping it over her new friend¡¯s captured wrist. ¡°No complaints.¡± The giant murmured gently from behind her, seeming terribly large; despite the smile on his familiar face, that was so much like Barry¡¯s. ¡°Your goddess had me make this for you, she says it¡¯s yours and neither one of us get to argue with her.¡± The huge man shrugged and smiled again. ¡°There¡¯s only a few gods who can boss me around¡­¡± The small group looked down at the unimpressive, if valuable little circle of wrought silver on her slim wrist; staring in silence for a moment. ¡°You should learn how to use that before dinner. The way you smell, hear, see and taste everything Flash does; he gets the same from you.¡± Barry¡¯s dad murmured. The big man grinned and turned to walk off, still speaking cheerfully in his singsong way. ¡°He¡¯d rather skip the grilled snake we¡¯re having tonight. Though, he does enjoy a nice salad.¡± That startled Lindsey and made her feel a bit guilty for enjoying seconds of the groundworm sausages at lunch. ¡°Now that¡¯s settled, I¡¯m off for a pre-dinner walk in the¡­¡± Gary fell silent for a moment as he stepped into the place where they would change footwear when coming in or going out. ¡°Hey! Those were new sandals!¡± He cried from the foyer. # ¡°You should probably just ignore most of what he says¡­¡± Amy sighed as she leaned on her new friend and clung to the bigger girl¡¯s arm, conveniently preventing her from taking her new jewelry off. ¡°If he didn¡¯t give you a card with all its properties spelled out, that means it¡¯s probably already attuned to your bond with Flash.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means.¡± She mumbled awkwardly, still appalled by an actual silver ornament, on her wrist, even if it was plain and unornamented¡­ Or was it? The soft, matte finish of the bangle seemed to be more intricately and prettily inscribed than she¡¯d first suspected. Peering closer, she found a mind bendingly complex and incomprehensible network of tiny symbols and markings; wrapped around, over and through each other in an impossible tangle that was surely¡­ Between two heartbeats, a cluster of small glowing images shimmered into view around the silver band, floating above it in a fixed relative position to the bangle, no matter how her hand moved. Celestial bodies that were familiar to her, from the jewel strung night sky slowly gathering outside dangled like charms from her bracelet. She touched the tiny, radiant sun, captured and hovering a scant inch from her wrist; it was gently warm on her fingertips and felt soft, almost squishy. The glowing orb would rotate, it turned with ease in two directions, while remaining absolutely fixed in any other dimension. As she turned it to the right, her disorienting, if manageable double vision faded slightly. Flash sat up and twitched all over in pleasure; as if he also felt an improvement in the uncomfortable dual sight they were experiencing. Rotating it the other way, her own sight dimmed and her perception through his eyes sharpened significantly. With a little experimentation, she found the trick of it, splitting their visual inputs apart and sending her slow churning headache off to bed at last. The softly glowing, yellow orb of Beast¡¯s moon dialed their sense of taste and smell the same way, letting her manage the inputs. She could do without the taste of his hay, though grain with molasses was delightful, since the horses all received toasted, rolled grains. Both humans and equines were happier with cooked oats, barley and corn rather than the standard grain rations most stables provided. The softly gleaming polestar managed their hearing, while the evening star handled tactile sensations. The Madman¡¯s moon seemed to do little beyond dimming all of their senses entirely, when rotated in the one direction it would turn. Lost in the wonder of the beautiful, functional thing; Lindsey never noticed the others watching her, as she played with the imaginary objects on her wrist. It took only a few seconds to completely distance herself from the sight and sound of a large man who was scolding her familiar, in a tone that was equal parts frustrated, exhausted and amused. ¡°...I don¡¯t go around pooping on Eponna¡¯s shrines, do I? This is getting pretty messed up! Even in my house? You should be ashamed!¡± The strange scene faded from her mind, bringing sweet peace and quiet to her suddenly very noisy and busy head. # At dinner, she watched her host and hostess almost as much as she paid attention to her own companions at the ¡®Muffin¡¯s table¡¯ by the bar. Their giant parents shared an intimate little round table in the corner, sitting across from each other, but leaning close to whisper and giggle together, as if alone in an empty room. She wound up pressed between Maya and Barry on a long bench that should have been hard and uncomfortable, but seemed strangely¡­ comfy. Compact and muscular, Maya seemed determined to keep her pushed up against Barry, even if that meant the two were constantly bumping elbows and mixing up their cutlery. Flash ¡®helped¡¯ by constantly nuzzling or snuffling in the hair of one or the other, causing constant wiggling, giggles and confusion in both of them. ¡°Hah! That¡¯s an indirect kiss! Score one for me!¡± Maya crowed, when Lindsey found Barry¡¯s fork between her lips, carrying a steaming morsel of delicious serpent glazed with soy and brown sugar. Amy pulled a slightly sour face, as she produced a small notepad from her bodice and made the required notation. ¡°What was that, sister Amy?¡± Lindsey demanded a moment later, once her mouth was empty and she¡¯d returned Barry¡¯s fork. ¡°Sorry, Barry.¡± She whispered as she passed the implement back. ¡°Oh¡­ that. Maya, Becky and I have a running bet, that¡¯s all.¡± She answered sweetly. ¡°Don¡¯t trouble yourself over our foolishness. We¡¯re just silly girls.¡± Lindsey failed to follow up or protest that awful behavior, since Barry had promptly loaded Lindsey¡¯s soiled fork with fresh garden vegetable salad and made things even steven, while blushing deliciously and looking her in the eyes. ¡°You suck, Maya¡­¡± Amy sighed, with her notebook in hand. That brought a naughty giggle to the girl¡¯s lips, as she and her horsie accomplice pushed her victims back onto each other with more vigor. # Evening brought an awkward moment, as her hosts kept sliding closer and closer together in their private corner, making the room seem uncomfortably¡­ full. The two grownups were cooing and giggling in some really awkward ways, like a newly married couple at spring festival. ¡°That¡¯s our cue, kids.¡± Becky said quietly, when she stopped by their table, her husband¡¯s hand clenched in hers. Sir Kermal followed along behind her, docile and happy to be dragged around by his beautiful, diminutive wife. ¡°Lin, when Gary and Shai get like this¡­ well it¡¯s better if we give them some space and privacy.¡± The high priestess of Knowledge whispered through a smile of radiant pleasure. ¡°It¡¯s nice to see¡­¡± The fond and loving sound of her voice seemed to warm the whole room as she spoke. ¡°It¡¯s not so nice to share a roof with.¡± ¡°Moonrise cruise?¡± Amy offered. ¡°Out on the lake, where it¡¯ll be nice and quiet?¡± That brought a swift consensus from the girls, while the four triplets retired to Rio¡¯s cottage again. Briefly, Lindsey wondered where she would sleep. Her quarters at the temple were in the sacred cloister, only acolytes of the blessed Healer could enter, by sacred law. Likewise she no longer had quarters assigned at the small, crowded orphanage on the hill¡­ The thought of staying in Barry¡¯s room again was sweetly tempting, but she felt weird taking over his personal space. Flash was an additional complication; As glad as she was to have his senses muted in her mind, she disliked the idea of him sleeping in the stable alone just as much as the idea of being parted from her bumbling, foolish horsie was intolerable. ¡°Come on, Lindsey, let¡¯s go¡­ we¡¯re boat camping on the lake¡­ girl¡¯s night!¡± Amy¡¯s strong, dark hand clamped down on her wrist and dragged her out the door and down to the long pier on the riverside, below the house. Flash trotted along serenely, careless of his mistress¡¯ abduction by Maya and Amy. They trooped down the dock and onto the long riverboat moored there, her blue paint work and shining silver embellishments shining in the bright moonlight. On the gangway, she balked. ¡°I have Flash with me¡­¡± Amy stared back at her in bland surprise. ¡°Uh, huh? Yeah?¡± She asked patiently. ¡°Let¡¯s keep it moving, our captain¡¯s coming, everybody aboard.¡± The dock shook as if under the hooves of a massive destrier¡­ When She glanced back, a dark brown warhorse of truly terrifying size walked gently down the dock, wearing slippers not unlike Flash¡¯s and a sassy little black, tricorn hat pinned in her mane¡­ In the face of a warhorse, wearing slippers depicting the features of a handsome, square jawed blonde man and an elegant hat, Lindsey gave in to the madness. She stepped off the gangway and let the enormous creature pass by. ¡°Annie! We¡¯re all ready!¡± Amy sang, as the horse stepped aboard and into her fond embrace. ¡°We haven¡¯t had any time together since you got home, love!¡± The boat shifted subtly, as she drifted slowly away from the dock and onto the waters of the lake. Rather than heading to the helm, Amy turned to the hatch that led below. ¡°Admiral¡­¡± Lindsey began, unsure of the protocol once they were ¡®sailing¡¯. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be driving the boat?¡± ¡°Nope, the captain wanted to take the helm, she¡¯s been landlocked for a little while.¡± She nodded to the steersman¡¯s station, where the horse had the tiller tucked through her halter. ¡°Relax, she¡¯s the best steershorse in the duchy.¡± The three girls and Flash curled up in the spacious, well appointed lounge while Shiro stalked the rigging, terrorizing the night flying insects above the lake. The boat swayed and rocked ever so gently as she cut the glassy surface of the lake, following the guidance of the bold captain at the helm. ¡°I love staying aboard Moonrise under sail.¡± Amy sighed, cuddled close into Lindsey, Flash and Maya, all in a pile underneath Shiro¡¯s tiny, purring form. # Ch: 52 Come As You Are Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 52 Come As You Are Breakfast was quiet and super chilled out in the cozy Ward house. Most of the casual acquaintances and stray warriors had migrated to lodgings in the town, some of Gary¡¯s tents and pavilions vanished in the process, but a few yards of cheap canvas, some bamboo poles, ropes and such was a small price to pay for the tranquil morning in the garden. The two proud parents looked out over from the master suite balcony at their little portable domain. The boys were up early, crafting in Wilf¡¯s workshop, that labor of love had taken the entire family¡¯s arts, crafts and skills to create and was a subtle and completely non magical, understated wonder. Mundane smoke and fumes billowed from the chimney, accompanied by the faint sound of hammers striking and the working of human crafts. Wilf and Rio were working out in the garden, moving together in graceful, dancelike, controlled patterns, but so slowly as to be almost comical. The kids had quickly grasped the value of the seemingly pointless martial art from earth. Focusing one¡¯s intent, while practicing careful self restraint delivered potent advantages to mindful and perceptive martial artists. Gary had learned the art by accident, while sleeping in golden gate park one foggy summer. A small crowd of old asian folks would gather to practice the art every dawn and dusk; watching them from his bower in the overgrown bushes, he¡¯d picked up¡­ something. Luna¡¯s spear dance had awakened those old memories and brought the practice to mind. Combined with the spear dance she instructed the family in, the results were excellent. They watched their two older sons for a while, cuddled close over one huge, shared mug of coffee, until Moonrise docked, discharging the girls and the familiars onto the garden in a happy, giggling scrum. Annie rang the ship¡¯s bell three times crisply as she disembarked; her captain¡¯s hat at a jaunty, self satisfied angle that suggested a horse at peace with all the world. ¡°Nice¡­¡± Gary whispered, while his inner child kicked his heels in delight. At the peal of the big bronze bell, the boys came boiling out of Wilf¡¯s place, stampeding up the beach for the main house and breakfast. ¡°Let¡¯s go mix it up in the sunshine this morning, cause this afternoon, I¡¯m going to war.¡± # Breakfast, morning workouts and the gentle business of living unfolded in the little compound of crazies on the half wild lakeshore, just outside town. Lindsey and Flash slipped in among the girls and boys easily, they fit almost too perfectly into their herd. ¡°Aye, she be a true child of sweet Eponna now¡­¡± Shai murmured. ¡°Methinks that lass will be our kin, come what may.¡± ¡°Pump the brakes, lover. I wanna just support them, no matter what.¡± Gary whispered in her ear. ¡°Fie, ¡®tis that I just said, silly man.¡± As fourth bell chimed, Gary stood, stretched and nodded to the kids, as they were heading out to go riding. They stampeded into the barn and vanished up the road, with Flash trotting behind and Sandi carrying Lindsey. Mighty Annie followed, with Luna and Khan dragged along whether they liked it or not. Even Becky and Kermal were in the pack, pedaling away. Ivy and Tallum had gone visiting the two brothers that ran the forge. Marcus and Thom were their young cousins from Wheatford, come to the fringe to make their own way as craftsmen under count Liam¡¯s keep. Like Wilf¡¯s, their smithy was a wonder of mundane engineering, with just a sprinkle of magic, where it would help the most. The tools and workstations ran on a water wheel system that was near silent, until the triphammers came online. Shai had her bike out, propped against a walnut tree, as she kissed her husband at the garden gate. ¡°Are ye sure? I¡¯ll be powerful furious, an ye do someatt mad whilst I¡¯m away.¡± ¡°Go on, I just need a couple hours alone to work.¡± He murmured into her hair. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡± # The workshop beneath the main house was a different kind of wonder, one that was unsafe for outsiders to work in under any circumstance, doubly so when he managed to tap into a fragment of his gifts. Deep in the back corner of his shop, among the lumber racks and stacks of ingots there was a little round keg, set on a stand. He popped the bung out and grabbed a wine thief from the rack. Long and slender, the glass tube dipped in; once the tool was inserted into the barrel, he covered the open end with his thumb, capturing a sample of the contents. He released a stream of clear, very splashy liquid into a shallow bowl of white ceramic, dug from his clay bank in Wheatford, thrown by his own hands and fired in a kiln powered by his own soul¡¯s essence. Tiny incised lines surrounded the narrow lip of the bowl in an intricate and almost invisible decorative border of interwoven script. The simple, barely adorned, unglazed bowl was a magical conduit into his soul, one created for rituals that few would consider, let alone attempt. Three ounces of agua muerte, the cursed remnant liquor of certain vile necromantic experiments and unclean human sacrifice was dangerous to store, touch or smell; toxic and inimical to living matter and absolutely unclean. The stuff was beyond disgusting and deeply suspect, ethically. He placed the bowl very gently into a wide circle of salt on his workbench and began adding things to it. First a single small gem of red garnet, barely bigger than a grain of coarse sand, but shining and glinting like a spark in the dim workshop. Next a small clipping of his own shaggy brown hair and a fingernail trimming from each hand. An eyelash, a nose hair and a scraping of skin from the thick callus on the soles of his feet finished the initial preparations. From his cabinet of kooky but not dangerous things he pulled out a small box containing a bundle of sheepskin rolled around a porous, unglazed clay idol, to protect the delicate carvings. The figure of a tall, regal, nude woman stood with one hand upraised in benediction, the other held low, as if to offer aid to some unseen supplicant at her feet. Carved of a single block of smooth, white chalk, the statue was a little over nine inches tall, but seemed grand, despite its size. With delicate care, Gary draped a golden robe sewn in miniature, in the cut and colors of Healer¡¯s cult around her. Then he spent entirely too long tying the bizarrely complex knot that held her sash. Even with the handy instructions he¡¯d found in Barry¡¯s room and copied on the sly, it was tricky; especially at this scale. All those hours spent tying flies for his beloved, red haired fisher lass were really paying off. When his dolly was dressed to his satisfaction he produced a tiny palette holding dabs of brightly colored powders in shallow depressions carved around the edge. Next came a small glass apothecaries¡¯ jar, sealed in wax. It contained a liquid in two parts, a reddish black, sludgy layer and a viscous, faintly yellow substance floating on top. He popped the top and the scent of old blood wafted out, coppery, sour and sharp. He carefully decanted the yellow plasma from the jar of separated, congealed blood, into a small clay cup. The thick clotted mess left behind he poured into his bowl of oddments and foul smelling hooch. The dank, sloppy clotted blood sank to the bottom tinting the whole mess a sickly brown. A smile crossed his face as a brush tipped with his own hair dipped into his own plasma and moistened a bit of finely powdered lapis. Carnelian, ochre and indigo followed after, along with more exotic pigments, like powdered monster pearl and the rosy inner shell of an extradimensional conch. Soon, lady Dana stood in miniature on his workbench, her face painted with care, if not so much artistic talent. ¡°She¡¯s a little googly eyed.¡± He mumbled softly, as he placed the figurine into his shallow bowl of swill. ¡°Now we wait.¡± ¡°Good, I wanted to get some exercise in.¡± Kree buzzed happily. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get busy!¡± She zipped around him in three tight spirals, corkscrewing through the air and bringing a smile to his face. ¡°All right love¡­ but this time I¡¯m gonna win!¡± He peeled off his shirt and kicked his slippers away, before grabbing a long, slim, bright steel rapier of simple, elegant design from a weapon rack near the forge. The swept hilt embraced his hand like a good friend¡¯s grip in a fond reunion; firm, confident and unwilling to release, nor be released. Kree, for her part, flew fast and far, deep into the shadows of the dark, confusing and weirdly ambiguous room. A moment later, a tall, slender, shadow woman with a terrifyingly narrow waist stepped into the open space in the center of the workshop. She saluted him with her blade of shadowstuff, faint shreds and particles drifting behind in her wake, as she crisply took a duelists¡¯ stance. She balanced lightly on the balls of her feet, blade extended three quarters of her full reach and her knees flexed. Her point addressed a spot three inches above her opponent¡¯s eyes, slowly drifting in a mildly distracting pattern. ¡°Try me, monkey boy!¡± She called, as her blade spun and flashed darkly, lashing out for his throat. # Francis Pangborne stalked the perimeter of the madman¡¯s house for days, watching, waiting for his chance. When the whole group rode out, leaving the witch, Gary Ward alone, he took the opportunity to make his move. His beloved wife, duchess Emma would never understand, but he had to settle this matter, even if by dishonorable means. Fortunately Violet, his familiar mount, was safe back home in the ducal stables, enjoying a ¡®staycation¡¯ whatever that was¡­ His horse was an odd character, if very sweet. He slipped through the hedges and crept in through the family door, before making his way down into the witch¡¯s awful lair. Slinking down the dim, shadowed stairs, Pangbourne turned the final landing¡­ and found himself face to face with the witch himself, stripped to the waist and sweaty from some labor best not contemplated by the sane and wholesome. ¡°Skulking and sneaking are my tricks, sir Frank.¡± He muttered crossly. ¡°I have delicate workings in hand so come back another time please, and please refrain from entering the workshop unescorted. It can be¡­ dangerous.¡± ¡°I have come to settle a matter of honor between us, witch.¡± He snapped. ¡°This has been too long waiting, so now I¡¯ve come to settle accounts for what you¡¯ve done.¡± Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. ¡°Yeah, well I¡¯m not open for business and I don¡¯t recall any debts between us, Francis.¡± He barked right back. ¡°You¡¯re fucking around with something important, get lost.¡± Gary turned and walked back into his shadow haunted lair, only to find the lord following him. The strain of denying the house charms was showing on his face, yet he persisted, even under the direct gaze of the mad fool that ruled the clan of witches and monster hunters. It felt as if a cold, bitter wind was blowing against his very soul, urging him to depart for warmer climes. Even in far off Port Sunderland, Violet felt the disturbance and whickered in his ears, across the miles. ¡°This must be done. And done now.¡± Frank muttered, to himself, his horse and the witch lurking over by the workbench. ¡°I know you had something to do with the disappearance of Order and War, boy.¡± He snarled. ¡°The others think I¡¯m mad, that a pissant like you couldn¡¯t possibly¡­¡± ¡°Fuck off Francis, I¡¯m too busy to play games or listen to foolish tales.¡± The witch barked back, rage flaring in his eyes. ¡°If you spoil my spell¡­ Well, I¡¯ll just have to start over fresh, but I won¡¯t be happy about it.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been watching, count Liam¡¯s rise, from warsworn orphan to his current, lofty position; your work. Belen¡¯s rise and the end of the indenture sale system¡­¡± He gasped. ¡°Your fingers were those pies as well. I also happen to know that count Liam¡¯s Contract with War was the first to end¡­ by weeks.¡± ¡°You¡¯re talking crazy; trust me, I know crazy.¡± Gary grumbled as the man kept stalking him around the shop making weird claims. ¡°Moreover, I know you were violently taken off the street, by sworn knights of Order and War, snatched up and carried away¡­¡± He announced with triumph. ¡°Your escort was found, slain, among signs of terrible butchery and some dark ritual, out by the waste pits of Wheatford on the night of the Madman¡¯s moon¡­¡± His smile widened and became cunning and cruel. ¡°After which you were declared to have been murdered in an illegal occult ritual; by participants who, records indicate, perished in the event and remain unidentified¡­¡± Pangbourne smiled again, looking half crazed. ¡°A dead man, back after fifteen years¡­ and seeming none the worse for wear¡­¡± He sneered. ¡°Such an unnatural thing is impossible¡­ just as impossible as the things I saw in that benighted, demon haunted city on the hill, all those years ago¡­ Things you were orchestrating, somehow, even then¡­¡± He muttered darkly, as the boy stood there not, denying anything. ¡°You slew that demon, slew it out of hand, while I watched¡­ I¡¯ve heard the screams of mortal endings before, boy; I know the sound well. You slew that which even the gods cannot destroy.¡± He whispered harshly. ¡°Scanty records and some persistent rumors suggest you have done this several times, before and since.¡± ¡°That¡¯s stupid; seriously, are you even listening to yourself? Only a madman would say things like that out loud.¡± Gary muttered nervously. ¡°What kind of demon slaying, dreadful, immortal¡¯s bane makes tambourines and flutes for the kiddos?¡± ¡°Yes, your children, just as uncanny and impossible¡­ it¡¯s still whispered in certain quarters your little ones were responsible for the death of that oddsman¡­ When they were still barely old enough to dress themselves.¡± Frank murmured eagerly, when the witch¡¯s face hardened. ¡°Then, suddenly there were four more, each identical to you, save in age..¡± ¡°Don¡¯t fuck with my kids, Frank. My kids love Emma and we all remember Violet very fondly, but I¡¯ll end you to protect my family.¡± The witch said coldly, showing his true face at last. ¡°Even if I hang for it¡­ maybe especially if I hang. I¡¯m tired¡­ and I¡¯m sick of this conversation. Get out of my house, Frank.¡± The uncanny wind intensified, scouring the stubborn lord¡¯s skin and drying his eyes, without actually existing at all. The man remained, glaring at the shadows all around as if demanding an answer from them. ¡°Shit! That used to work.¡± The witch grumbled sourly. ¡°I can¡¯t do this right now; I have something cooking and I don¡¯t know exactly when it¡¯ll be done. This is a delicate and careful working, so get the fuck out.¡± ¡°Not till we settle this now, witch.¡± Frank sneered. ¡°I had Contract with War and Order, both sworn and consecrated before the gods¡­¡± The man gasped, his eyes rolling in his head, and sweat springing from his brow. ¡°I think you broke them¡­ my Contracts, and maybe my gods too¡­ I think you had a hand in the disappearance of the three lost gods and the proliferation of these new cults!¡± ¡°Frankie, baby¡­ I¡¯m a hedgewitch and dirt grubbing peasant, how could I do anything to a god, one of the greatest of them all, never mind the whole big three?¡± He made his voice sound soothing and calm, but there was something dark behind his eyes. ¡°Order, War and Craft are immortal and can¡¯t simply be excised from the universe¡­ universes? Multiverse? Whatever, they must still exist, even if they aren¡¯t here¡­ anymore.¡± ¡°Witchcraft¡­ Lies, your uncanny arts¡­ There¡¯s even a rumor that you summoned an aspect or fragment of War himself, before the eyes of the clerical council of judgment!¡± He shouted in triumph. ¡°Deny it, deny any part of it if you can!¡± ¡°Ok, Frank. Time¡¯s up. You need to go.¡± The fool repeated, pointing to the stairs. ¡°No, I have come this far and I won¡¯t leave until I know¡­¡± He snapped furiously at the witch. ¡°Know what? The clerics won¡¯t talk, even the new god of Justice won¡¯t say what happened! What makes you think I can tell you?¡± He demanded, just as angrily. ¡°My eyes and ears, witch! They tell me you are no normal human, something else and uncanny, perhaps¡­ Even my familiar sees the darkness in you, she calls you ¡®Shadowmounted¡¯ or ¡®Rider in Darkness¡¯ constantly¡­ Because she talks about you, constantly!¡± ¡°Really?¡± He asked, a small and very real smile of fondness appearing on his face. ¡°She¡¯s so sweet¡­ did she get that sample of toasted grains?¡± ¡°Yes, damn you! Now my cook must roast my bloody horse¡¯s breakfast every night; or I won¡¯t hear the end of it.¡± Pnagbourne grumbled. ¡°It does taste much better, but it¡¯s the principle of the thing!¡± The mood broke a little, during their equine reminiscence sesh, so Gary made a move. ¡°Come on Frank, wait upstairs for a while I¡¯ll talk this out with you late-...¡± A subtle sense of a presence arrived in the shadow haunted workshop, making the place seem brighter, and somehow, more unnerving. ¡°Mortal filth! You dare call me to your den of unclean witchery!¡± Divine lady Dana, Balm in Man¡¯s Suffering shrieked at him from the workbench. Standing nine inches tall and with her face made up like a Port Fallon dancing girl, Dana shone in all her radiant, divine glory. She bellowed and wailed, from her immobile idol, standing in a bowl of nameless slop. ¡°Aww, fuck!¡± Gary moaned. # ¡°Amy¡­¡± Lindsey called out, when the group suddenly halted for little apparent cause, in a dry field of cut hay stubble. ¡°Flash says there¡¯s trouble at home¡­ er, at your home, I should say.¡± ¡°Annie and Shiro both said the same thing¡­ Violet is freaking out and yelling at Eponna about something¡­¡± Amy replied, looking concerned. ¡°We¡¯re heading back, fast. Barry, if Lindsey and Sandi can¡¯t keep up, stay with her.¡± Amy ordered crisply. ¡°Sorry Lin, we¡¯re gonna fly.¡± There was zero chance jolly, plump Sandi, the aged but still hale pony mare was keeping up with the Wards and Annie. She and Barry watched them recede in the distance, while Flash grumped and complained about ¡®tottering along¡¯. ¡°What¡¯s going on, Barry, do you know?¡± She asked, once her horse¡¯s complaints were muted to a manageable level. He had complaints about that, too. ¡°My dad declared blood feud on the goddess of Healing the day before yesterday.¡± He answered calmly. ¡°He made his demand formally at the temple, as prescribed in the law and she missed the deadline to answer, now he¡¯s summoning her, back at home.¡± ¡°Summoning her?¡± She asked, sounding surprisingly calm even in her own ears. ¡°Uh, huh. With witchcraft¡­ It¡¯s a whole thing, don¡¯t ask.¡± He answered just as calmly. ¡°It¡¯s pretty gross.¡± ¡°That sounds¡­ insane.¡± She mumbled softly. ¡°Yup. Bonkers, nutty as squirrel poop, moon touched, mooncalf, we¡¯ve heard them all.¡± He shrugged ambivalently. ¡°Results are results.¡± # ¡°She can¡¯t see you; you aren''t part of the ritual. She can¡¯t see or hear me unless I address her idol directly, ¡®cause none of her cultists or clerics are here. She also can¡¯t escape, because she owes me a debt¡­ a blood debt.¡± The witch explained to the shaken and pale knight. ¡°She struck my son, now she owes me my due¡­ and she won¡¯t leave this place ¡®til I¡¯ get it.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t¡­¡± He mumbled softly, as she sank into a chair. ¡°This is so much worse than I expected¡­¡± ¡°I can, and it really is so very much worse than you suspect¡­ even now.¡± Ward said, as he stepped out of the shadows to confront both men. ¡°This is getting ridiculous¡­ and you are scaring the holy shit out of the rest of the pantheon, Gary.¡± He turned ever so slowly to face the shell shocked, sagging knight, slumped in a wing chair. ¡°Who might this poor mortal be?¡± ¡°Sir Frank Pangbourne, an unwelcome visitor who intruded on my personal dealings with lady Dana¡­ who is still awaiting my attention.¡± Gary replied angrily. ¡°And who I really, really want to get back to.¡± ¡°Francis, this is my brother, Ward. He¡¯s the god of Death and Vengeance.¡± The fool said firmly, indicating the exact duplicate of himself standing there, dressed in pink silk floral pajamas... ¡°Hey! I¡¯m Golden Figs too!¡± The man in colorful loungewear exclaimed in tones of hurt feelings and mad mirth. ¡°Don¡¯t just give him the spooky stuff and leave me hanging here!¡± ¡°Whatever, bro. Your god buddies decided to take a nice long hackey at my sacky for revenge, I get it¡­ I¡¯ll take my lumps and deal with it.¡± He glared at the idol and the handsome image of his own much less remarkable face as she snarled. ¡°My kids are off limits.¡± ¡°Calm down, brother¡­ we¡¯re on the same side¡­ don¡¯t do anything¡­ you know.¡± Ward murmured softly to the enraged lunatic. ¡°That Healer bitch will answer me, or I¡¯ll figure out how to¡­¡± One of the two mad witches said, from one of their nearly identical faces, yet they were so very different in every way. ¡°No, you won¡¯t.¡± Ward sighed. ¡°You¡¯re angry, hurt, in pain and on the ragged edge¡­ But you won¡¯t take the Healer away from the world¡­ I know you, brother.¡± He sighed gustily, sounding for all the world like an autumn wind in the leaves of a wide spreading fig tree. ¡°She brushes up against our damage, our memories of doctors, lawyers, judges and priests from home¡­¡± A darkly terrible glint appeared in the silk clad man¡¯s eyes, a simmering anger, kept warm and held close to an unforgiving breast. ¡°I get it, baby¡­ You know I do. But we never could do murder and Dana is unable to hurt any living thing, even you, who she really, really wants to hurt.¡± He smiled wanly, his unholy rage suppressed. ¡°She¡¯s the goddess of Healing, even her vicious and unprovoked attacks are a soothing balm and ease old pains. You see a difference in the boys already, don¡¯t you?¡± # Frank sat speechless as the men debated and discussed utter madness, in a realm of creeping shadows, while the tiny goddess Dana herself hissed and spat in fury, nearby. ¡°Have I truly lost my mind? Since Order and War vanished from my soul¡­ I¡¯ve been dreaming¡­¡± Frank muttered softly. ¡°No Frank¡­ you aren¡¯t mad, or dreaming. Two gods have touched your soul, they await your acceptance to finally ease your discomfort.¡± The man in pink whispered. ¡°Ipet has wriggled deeply into your soul, but you refuse to accept, stubbornly adhering to Order¡¯s empty rituals¡­¡± He shook his head in dismay at the knight. ¡°Order has perished, I can say no more about that; but Ipet has taken up his mantle and wears it well. Embrace the goddess Justice and let hoary, dusty, rigid, old Order fade from your heart.¡± He grinned and shook his head at the befuddled man. ¡°War never fit you at all, as with so many of you nobles. You hammered a square peg into your poor, once round, Joy hole.¡± He sighed again, when the nobleman started sputtering and fuming. ¡°Your crowd gets so butthurt about your Contracts and the rules and traditions of days gone by¡­ Even after all you¡¯ve seen and heard¡­ the beings you¡¯ve met face to face, you still can¡¯t let go of those old prejudices¡­¡± ¡°My Contracts were sealed before the gods, what right have any to break them?!¡± He demanded and kinda also pleaded, just a little. Something about this man was other vast¡­ ¡°Poor Joy should be the first of us, instead she has so few Contracts¡­¡± Ward muttered crossly, as if he hadn¡¯t heard the man¡¯s words. ¡°Joy lost so many that should have been hers and it made her weep, behind her mask. You could have been among her clergy, were your Contracts not already largely set and unlikely to be loosed.¡± ¡°Me? A cleric of Joy?¡± He whispered, sounding as if he were a man long lost in the darkness and someone just walked up and handed him a lit torch. ¡°She can¡¯t fit in there anymore, Franky¡­ but her sister Water¡­ She is able to take nearly any shape and has flooded in; your prejudice against the Spirits is silly and stupid, but strong despite¡­ or perhaps because it¡¯s so stupid and self destructive.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not bigoted¡­ I have a Contract with the god of Beasts and a familiar!¡± He sputtered. ¡°Yes, you also keep that fact held close, as your darkest deepest secret, buried in your heart. Just as you pretend sweet Violet is simply a horse, when you think yourself observed.¡± The mad fool straightened his loungewear and sucked his intensely white and oddly sharp teeth at the lord. ¡°Shameful, sirrah! A shameful way to treat a lady of such wit, charm and elegance. Now sit still and be quiet, mortal man; while my brother and I have an augment with an honest to gods¡­ goddess.¡± The pajama creature turned his baleful stare on the mad witch, who had been smiling entirely too smugly for Frank¡¯s comfort, during his ordeal with ¡®Ward, god of Death¡¯. ¡°You, Gary¡­¡± Ward said tiredly, when he turned on the fool beside him. ¡°She loves all mankind, without reservation or preference, save you. She hates you, like really, really hates your guts and everything you carry them around inside.¡± He smiled weakly at the man and shook his head. ¡°But otherwise, she really is the most loving and giving of all the gods and goddesses; except maybe Thirp... She¡¯s so sweet¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, well she could just leave me and mine alone¡­ I haven¡¯t fussed or screwed around with their stupid curses¡­ Even when I¡¯m puking my guts out; not in all these years.¡± He snarled at the man and at the statue, who was still yelling and cursing at him in the corner. ¡°Fucking trash, most of them that¡¯s almost the worst part¡­ amateurish and feeble curses, wrought carelessly. Well, most of them anyway, there¡¯s a couple real thorns in that tangled vine, but I could have clipped them away. It would have been so simple, so easy to become something¡­¡± He stopped himself, leaving whatever dark thoughts that crawled through his mind unspoken. ¡°I followed the rules; now she wants more. Don¡¯t try me, brother. I¡¯m not there yet, but I can see it happening. She can keep fucking me over forever, screw her; but my kids are off limits, they matter. No more pushing them around, or I start working on another Tom Jones classic.¡± He fixed his ¡®brother¡¯ with a wild eyed stare of utter madness and smiled. ¡°I¡¯m the crazy one, remember, Death? Harmless and crazy Gary the Hanged Man, left to twist in the wind. Don¡¯t forget, though:¡± Every single one of us has the devil inside. He whispered that strange phrase to both the man in pink and the now silent idol lingering on the workbench¡­ Just sitting on the periphery and overhearing those words as they drifted and slithered through the shadows around the chamber, making them seem to writhe and squirm was more than enough. # Amy and her swarm of Ragamuffins and Wards cranked up to the inn, just in time to see sir Frank, hoofing it towards town and walking like he needed to either find a privy, or change his shorts. ¡°He didn¡¯t even say hi¡­¡± Amy complained softly. ¡°Huh, he¡¯s a weird dude.¡± Wilf muttered at the fleeing lord¡¯s back. # Ch: 53 Come, As A Friend Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 53 Come, As A Friend Gary felt the kids arrive, with Shai coming in hot; no doubt Otho snitched¡­ The furry rascal. He could feel the agitation and discontent in the ether down in the lab, fresh from working with Eponna¡¯s bond and with both Ward and lady Dana in the house. The goddess was still bitching and whining about the indignity and horror of being called by a common mortal into his den of foul witchcraft¡­ But, at just nine inches tall and trapped in a bowl of magical slop, inside a ring of cleansing, purifying, grounding, salt; she was all mouth and easily ignored. ¡°Can it Dana, men are talking.¡± The casual misogyny felt awful, and awfully good at the same time, since she fell silent in stunned outrage for nearly a minute. ¡°I wasn¡¯t gonna¡­ you know¡­¡± Gary mumbled to Ward. ¡°I was just going to establish a link and actually contact her in a time and place more conducive to our discussions¡­¡± He grinned madly at the man in flowered pink pajamas and winked. ¡°You planned to humiliate her on the steps of her temple, didn¡¯t you.¡± It was a statement, not a question; one his mad, mortal brother declined to answer. Instead, he continued on, as though Ward hadn¡¯t spoken at all. ¡°Now, thanks to dumbass Pangbourne, my whole family is pissed off and headed down here and probably want to yell at me.¡± He complained. ¡°Nice to see you again, Ward.¡± ¡°Nice to be seen¡­ bro. Now tell me why you¡¯ve risked everything on this misadventure? Calling down even a fragment of a deity against their Will is beyond taboo.¡± He muttered sourly. ¡°Our prank with War was a unique occurrence¡­ This shouldn¡¯t be possible without a ¡®sample¡¯ of the deity.¡± ¡°She struck my son. That set a debt between us, a debt I chose to call due, as is allowed under the law.¡± He answered frostily. ¡°Bitch owes me my due¡­ I¡¯ll take it out how I see fit, since she declined to respond to my lawful demands.¡± He addressed that part to both the god standing there, and the idol, setting her mouth in motion once more. ¡°End your obscene curse and release me, filthy creature, unclean one! Defiler of all that is sacred and divine! Wretched and debased mockery of life!¡± She ranted and raved on like that for a while, even after the whole family filed down the stairs and joined the party, including the new girl and the rest of the Ragamuffins. ¡°Yeah, she can¡¯t perceive most of you, because you aren¡¯t part of the ritual¡­ Ward and I are pretty much the only ones she can see and hear.¡± He paused for a moment and spoke softly into the crowd. ¡°Barry, stay in the back, ok? She might be able to sense you and I don¡¯t want her thinking this is her chance to make demands of you again.¡± ¡°Boy, I¡¯ll be having words about this, wi thee¡­¡± Shai growled, splitting her furious glare between her husband and the shimmering figure overlaying the statue in fine robes and garish makeup. ¡°Yes, dear¡­ but right now I¡¯m yelling at a goddess.¡± He mumbled, his head hung low. ¡°Please don¡¯t embarrass me in front of this idiot.¡± ¡°Nae, I be furious that ye dinnae include meself, tis my son ¡®twas struck!¡± She barked furiously in his face. ¡°An ye nae include me, I¡¯ll belt me displeasure intae thine ears, that she might hear the faint echo of this fury of mine, in thy mush-mouthed words.¡± ¡°That sounds pretty reasonable¡­¡± Becky mumbled, drawing cheers of ascent from the crowd. ¡°Grea-at¡± He moaned, as Ward joined the chorus of kibitzing kin, grinning and winking like a huge asshole. ¡°All right, but let me work¡­ you can all make suggestions during the station breaks.¡± ¡°What¡¯s a station break?¡± They all asked Ward, while the madman squared up on a furious goddess. # Reclined on her golden divan, under a pavilion near the standing stones, Dana was having a not at all good, really awful day. A number of deities had stopped by to chat and seen the shadowy mortal¡¯s haunt scolding her. Naturally, they¡¯d all stopped to listen¡­ and called friends to join in. Trapped here, in the in-between realm, on what mortal¡¯s called the Madman¡¯s moon, she had no privacy, no escape and no way to end this farce. She could only watch as the crowd gathered, attracted by a new thing. Anything that could disrupt the endless sameness of immortal existence was always a potent draw¡­ Like the Madman¡¯s moon they stood upon itself, they came here, again and again; to taste the echo of the mortal life that had created this odd, impossible place, if only second hand. They explored this realm with bodies of their own essence; experiencing the memories he¡¯d left behind, sampling a bit here and there. Alien beings, experienced for the first time, many aspects of a mortal existence that were too material and concrete for beings of Will, Mind and Spirit to comprehend intellectually. Here, they explored mortal concepts and sensations without risk, able to extract themselves at a whim, if things became intense. Pleasures, joys, the sensations of being corporeal and a living being were fascinating, though far too many were tainted with this ¡®pain¡¯ thing that Dana was so obsessed with lately. ¡°She could conduct her experiments more discreetly¡­¡± Hotei muttered to Ishtar, where they stood near a vine and flower draped standing stone. ¡°This is no experiment, this is a curse wrought by mortals, graven into her avatar. She is bound to this wheel of pain until it comes fully around.¡± Eponna nickered loudly, for all to hear. ¡°Please spread this juicy gossip far and wide, for that too is part of the woe she will suffer for this affront against the law.¡± She hightailed it away across the eternal meadow, neighing out loud: ¡°Why else do you think you are trapped here, beside the standing stones, where all may witness your shame? Oh mighty Dana, goddess who would smite mortals in her pique; this pitiable scene is of your own making!¡± As humiliating as it was, being imprisoned in an avatar and subjected to this terrible ¡®pain¡¯ thing¡­ The public nature of her discomfort was worse. Now the shadow of that awful thing ignored her entirely, strutting, gesticulating and moving about for a prolonged ¡®time¡¯. That was another horror¡­ For the immortal, dwelling in the eternal ether, time was an abstract; a power they could ignore, use, experience or avoid¡­ Now she was temporally locked, following the excruciating march of endless seconds, one heartbeat at a time in a persistent¡­ Now¡­ that was immutable. Worse yet, each excruciating second was being scribed into her indelible divine memory, as an event which had occurred and was notably real. Things did not improve, when it resumed speaking to her, for all to hear. That he was joined by Ward, one of the divines, however minor, was salt in that wound¡­ A phrase she understood slightly more fully, now. # Ivy and her familiar joined the mob in his workshop, pressing in beside Lindsey and Flash, who were having trouble keeping up with the action. ¡°There¡¯s two? A twin brother?¡± The girl whispered to Amy, hoping for clarity. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s close enough, we¡¯ll go with it¡± She replied, evasively. ¡°That¡¯s uncle Ward, he¡¯s weird, even by our standards. The little woman is Dana, goddess of Healing, she¡¯s been a pain in the ass for a while¡­ Now you¡¯re all caught up. Let¡¯s get back to the action¡­ crap, now the pets have better seats than us.¡± Otho and Shiro were all curled up at the front of the crowd, watching the action with Kree, who had a bag of maple sugar candy and was sharing it with her perch, young Flash and Sasha the hawkmoth. A shadowy bat creature dangled from the rafters, emitting ultrasonic vibes of intense satisfaction with her angle on the proceedings. # ¡°Well, this is a literal dog and pony show now¡­¡± Gary sighed, when he turned back to the Healer of Wounds. ¡°All right, let¡¯s do this, Dana.¡± He snarled. ¡°Vile and despicable thing that you are! You dare call on me?¡± She wailed, again. ¡°Pipe down.¡± He snapped at the goddess. ¡°You and your divine clown-show did everything you could think of to gimp me¡­¡± His voice dropped to a soft, twisted whisper, drawn out through an angry, wicked sneer of pleasure. ¡°Because you aren¡¯t really sure that I can¡¯t still you-know-what, you and your little friends into the you-know-who and directly into you-know-where.¡± That brought about a lot of whispering in the crowds, seeming to come from both sides of the interplanar conference call. ¡°You cut me off and cursed me every which way¡­ and did a shit job of it, so fuck you for that, bitch. I didn¡¯t piss and moan about it¡­¡± He growled angrily, sounding feral and more than half mad. ¡°Now you want more, you want something you can¡¯t have and thought to take by force¡­ you tried to force my child to accept your advances. That would be the end of you if you weren''t¡­ You.¡± He growled. ¡°That¡¯s the same reason I let your boyfriend get away with as much as I did. Would you care to discuss how my forbearance was rewarded then? Or perhaps how I continue to pay for his crimes, especially the ones he committed against me¡­?¡± He asked with patently false sweetness in his voice. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. Naturally, the furious divine heard only what she wished to hear and answered without a thought. ¡°Now you pretend to respect the divine pantheon¡¯s rightful dominion over man? Too little, too late rebellious mortal fragment!¡± She sneered, venom dripping from her words in a way that seemed alien on those sweet, pink lips. ¡°That¡¯s still all you can think about¡­¡± He sighed, exhaustion making his voice falter. ¡°Maybe you and your bitchass Wargod could have patched things up, maybe not¡­¡± He silenced her outburst with a glare that chilled the room and made the standing stones tremble on the far off fragment of himself they stood on. ¡°If he hadn¡¯t gotten super stupies and tried on me, what you tried on my son¡­ who knows. My friend Thirp is the best therapist in the known multiverse. She even helped me out a bunch, look how sane I turned out! Too bad my therapy sessions were canceled, otherwise I might have been too well adjusted to do this to you.¡± He let out a mad little giggle, tainted with a deep and passionate desire to do something awful to someone. After a long moment of chilling silence, on both sides of the divine connection, the strange madman sighed sadly. ¡°War made his choices, so did Order, Craft and Morrigan. All those clowns bought a ticket to the show¡­ It was a command performance, against my will; I didn¡¯t even get a cut of the gate or concessions.¡± His old, crooked smile of deranged delight at the whole world appeared, for a brief moment at that; stirring something like hope in Shai. ¡°If they¡¯d stayed home you guys might have become the hottest couple in the pantheon.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Now you¡¯re a child abuser¡­¡± ¡°She tried to Contract me¡­ Nobody touched my¡­¡± Barry was vigorously shushed, ending his defense of his stained virtue, cementing the ¡®butt stuff¡¯ explanation firmly into the family lore. ¡°Anyway¡­¡± He yawned mightily and stretched. ¡°I¡¯m done in for today¡­ cursed witches aint got no stamina. Nighty night, Dana.¡± He draped a thick canvas dust cover over the construct unceremoniously and smiled at the group. ¡°She¡¯s stuck here ¡®til I¡¯m satisfied. Once I can¡¯t see the idol, she loses all senses and perception through it and the Mana drain stops. She¡¯s still there though; just a tiny part of her divine attention, but like a stone in her shoe¡­¡± He yawned again and took Shai under his arm. ¡°Let¡¯s go upstairs. I¡¯m tired and I still need to apologize to my lovely wife.¡± In a stage whisper he asked, loudly enough for all to hear. ¡°Tickle your bottom with a feather?¡± ¡°Eww, gross!¡± Amy called. ¡°Bedtime, girls.¡± ¡°Setting sail for dreamland!¡± Harry muttered wistfully, as the girls sashayed toward the stairs. # Up at the keep, it was crowded and a little uncomfortable, only part of that was due to the slightly tumbledown and homespun nature of much of the structure. Centuries of haunted abandonment was tough on the architecture and Foresthome had been a frontier town in its heyday. The count and countess had done a marvelous job with the old pile¡­ yet: ¡°Yes, batspiders in the third floor guest suites, again.¡± Tawny sighed. ¡°I¡¯ll send an expert.¡± Once head maid Lucy was gone, the golden countess sighed in agitation and distress. ¡°Audrey, be a dear and go gobble up the batspiders upstairs.¡± She held up an admonishing finger to the flowering, potted snapdragon on her tea table. ¡°Mind the pets and familiars, darling, we have guests.¡± Swiftly, the little plant climbed from her pretty, brightly embellished flowerpot and carefully shook all the soil from her root ball. She dipped a courtly bow to the ladies and withdrew, by climbing out the open window, as a flowing tangle of vines; pouring over the stonework, growing steadily larger as she climbed for the third floor and her snacks. That fierce, golden gaze turned back to her guest. ¡°Now, duchess Fernlowe¡­ I feel silly addressing you so formally¡­ Emma. What has shaken poor Frank so badly? He seemed greatly troubled by something.¡± ¡°The fool man snuck off to take a peek into Gary¡¯s workshop when no one was around to set him straight¡­ now I fear he¡¯s cracked a little more.¡± She sighed. ¡°Since we first heard Gary was¡­ ¡®back¡¯ he¡¯s been¡­ concerned. Concerned that Gary¡¯s ¡®return¡¯ signifies some deeper plot against the divines¡­¡± She took another ride on the sigh train; tickets are cheap and it stops lotsa¡¯ places, just not many you wanna¡¯ go. ¡°Well¡­ I can certainly speak to him¡­¡± Tawny mumbled awkwardly. ¡°The pantheon is in a bit of a tizzy at the moment, the outcome and circumstances are¡­ occult.¡± She murmured urgently to her friend. ¡°Some secrets are best left buried and some cannot be revealed by divine law and edict¡­ This I can say: If Frank went into that workshop, while he was down there doing something¡­ spooky; your husband may have seen something truly disturbing.¡± ¡°What could rile up the very gods so?¡± Emma wondered idly, staring out the window on the jewel strung sky, haunted by only a few wisps of cloud. ¡°Only a very great fool¡­ the greatest of them all, perhaps.¡± Tawny sighed sadly, punching another notch in her own well worn ticket book. # No one could really sleep after all that¡­ and with her still downstairs; eventually people started popping up in the bath with Gary and Shai, bobbing there and gazing at the star spangled sky above. ¡°I don¡¯t even know how you did this, bro.¡± Ward muttered in the steamy quiet. ¡°It should be impossible.¡± ¡°Yup, should be. I shouldn¡¯t be able to wield magic beyond background levels without crashing and burning hard.¡± He murmured to the stars, floating on his back in a stew of human dumplings. ¡°That¡¯s why I can¡¯t even tune my instruments or whistle a melody¡­ I can¡¯t control that part of my gifts, anymore than you can stop your heartbeat or make your guts run in reverse.¡± A few queasy mumbles circulated in the pool of floating friends, family and familiars. ¡°If Shai¡¯s there, she can stifle me long enough that I dont shit myself, if I forget for a moment. On my own: bye-bye pants, hello nap on the ground, wherever I am at the moment.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s why no more wonders flowed from your workshop¡­¡± Emma whispered from the edge of the pool, with Gabbie and Jocko. ¡°...and why you gave up Adventuring.¡± ¡°Oh, hi Emma. I¡¯m gonna kick your husband in his asshole for screwing up my spell.¡± He mumbled, eyes closed and a small, mad smile on his lips. ¡°Screw you too, Gary.¡± Frank Pangbourne grumbled. ¡°I knew you were neck deep in of all this.¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re pretty perceptive¡­ when your head¡¯s not up your ass.¡± Gary complained right back. ¡°Now shut up and unstopper your ears, cause I¡¯m only going to explain this once¡­ and pretty badly at that.¡± # The explanation that followed was long on generalizations, short on details and absolutely barren of specifics, the scant bullet points of a highlighted, cliffs notes version of a very long, strange and deeply improbable tale. ¡°That¡¯s just a wild mish-mash of those fanciful picture books the kids read and trade around¡­ What were those called?¡± Frank pondered that for only a moment. ¡°Ether Tales, it was; that¡¯s it!¡± Pangbourne crowed with pleasure, at having outwitted this witch at last. ¡°I shan¡¯t be deceived by the depraved scribblings of some hack writer! Such a weird and fanciful yarn; the author was no doubt smoked daft on pipeweed, sitting in his underwear, scratching out his fevered, drug hazed imaginings!¡± # Somewhere, far across the endless expanse, a long, lanky, wooly being sagged back on his couch, dressed only in his undershorts, completely exhausted by his long day at the tiresome government office he was trapped working in, day after day. He set his bong down carefully beside the clunky old laptop and leaned back to let his mind slow to a more measured pace. Music poured into his ears through the open windows; the dulcet strings of the ¡®guitar¡¯ his ¡®human¡¯ neighbor preferred, rather than the sweet, piping sounds of the local panflutes. He was an odd fellow and truly strange to look at, but he also grew truly fine pipeweed and was as generous with his produce as with the sweet, uplifting, alien music¡­ and the lyrics that carried him off to a strange place. Time on my hands could be time spent with you¡­ Laughing like children, living like lovers¡­ Rolling like thunder under the covers¡­ And I guess that''s why they call it the blues Soon, as always happened, he felt a tickling sensation down the back of his neck; as though a spider had dropped down his non-existent collar, sending chills of anticipation thrilling down his spine. It was time. Gary Ward the human raised his clear tenor voice; drifting in one of the long folktales his people sang, an unrecorded and previously unknown cycle of myth from wherever the strange, two legged wander had come from. His songs lifted to the sky every night, plaintive, begging to be heard and so lost and lonely. It was some kind of oral history from an unknown land, sung by an unfamiliar race in a lonely mountain valley, far from anything important. LlamaLlumps sighed the long whistling exhalation of his people and let the ¡®man¡¯ sing him nearly to sleep, as he considered whether to work on his dissertation¡­ or record the lyrical, narrative song rising from the hillside, near the hotspring pool his new friend had absurdly brought along with him when he arrived. ¡°It was tucked in my Pockets! All along!¡± Was his only reply, when asked how his house had appeared, with that remarkable pool overnight. As if a hydro thermal geological feature could simply drift around the countryside¡­ Truly, his friend was an odd being. Sweet maiden Indica soothed his soul and left a tranquil serene emptiness in the place of his stress and agitation, as the song flitted through his mind, he could almost see the story unfold. The tale of a man lost and alone on an alien world. Heedless of his conscious Will, a soft clicking and clacking sound began, slowly at first¡­ # ¡°So that story you sang, when I woke up¡­¡± Lindsey whispered softly from her position deep in the heart of the Flotilla of Daring, Darling Damsels. ¡°It was all true?¡± ¡°I never lie, I suck at it too hard and no one ever believes the truth.¡± Gary called from the All Boy, Super Cool Convoy. That was the point where Gary realized that a few of his pipes were circulating in the bath as freely as the waters were. ¡°Hey¡­¡± Gary began, gearing up for another one of his weird ¡®hangup¡¯ events. ¡°We¡¯re not smoking your dumb, geezer pipeweed you grumpy old fart.¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°You smoke yourself stupid all the time, but get all bent out of shape at the idea we might try it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s ¡®cause you¡¯re smart, not an idiot like me and these mooks.¡± He answered smugly. ¡°Fogging my brain is like pissing in the ocean¡­¡± ¡°Hey¡­¡± Dannyl and Liam chorused, from across the pool. ¡°Liam, hey¡­ nice to have you¡­¡± The fool burbled happily, before he was silenced, somehow. ¡°Anyway¡­¡± Amy continued, while gently drowning her dear papa. ¡°My dad¡¯s condition is the result of vile and criminal exploitation and experimentation on his soul, by several divines¡­ Who should have known better, should have had morals and who my dad totally murdered the ever-loving shit out of.¡± The sweet girl sang her non-explanation, while her father thrashed weakly under the surface. ¡°I don¡¯t know how, I don¡¯t know what circumstances were involved¡­ No one who knows what happened, is able¡­ or allowed to discuss the matter.¡± Amy eyed the gathered people carefully, with a particular focus on Pangbourne. ¡°There will be no question and answer period, this symposium is officially over.¡± ¡°I think you might have actually drowned him¡­¡± Frank said with a strained note in his voice. ¡°He stopped moving some time ago.¡± ¡°Nah, he¡¯s asleep underwater¡­ He¡¯s a weirdo.¡± Amy answered, without bothering to pull her dad¡¯s head above the surface. # Gary woke, sprawled on the lawn beside Shai in a comfy nest of blankets; the night had been so warm and clear, now sunrise was taking away what little chill had managed to assert itself. It promised a long, hot day and a fine summer evening to come. He squirmed under the blanket for more cuddly, cozy wife and came up aces, as she snuggled back with some of his favorite things. With his eyes closed, he could sense everyone on the property¡­ and Kree, who was taking a morning flight over the lake with Mariah and Sasha, terrorizing the late flying skeeters. He resisted the urge to join their dogfight over the waters, in favor of savoring a full house of people who were all close to him¡­ and also Pangbourne. Lindsey and Barry were side by side, one foot apart under the same blanket, with Shiro planted firmly between them; allowing them to hold hands¡­ and only that. Flash was beside her, of course, new familiars were inseparable¡­ That thought brought his mind back to his sweet honeybee, buzzing through the still air above the lake, her black rapier flashing darkly, as skeeter parts sprinkled down to feed the hungry water dwellers below. She never would say what she experienced during the time he was ¡®away¡¯ drifting in the void, bodiless and undying. That was another debt, beyond what he owed her for keeping him sane with her flying antics and soothing venom. She felt his mind touch her senses and sent a gentle query back, checking on him in her sweet, loving way. ¡®Finally awake? Good, silly primate! You stoppered the candy jar too firmly¡­ again. I¡¯m starving here! I should come back and sting you someplace tender for that!¡¯ ¡®Come on, I have sweet mandarin marmalade and some royal jelly from your giant bee friends on the valley side.¡¯ He whispered in her mind, while enjoying the hell out of the wild barrel roll she pulled to nail a wily skeeter. He black needle rapier flicked and flashed, clipping two wings out of eight and shearing one away entirely. Disarming its proboscis was next, a single flick of her blade ended that threat. At last, she pierced it through the middle, slicing through just enough of its primitive nervous system to kill the thing, while keeping it aloft under its own power for a precious moment. Three fast flicks of her tiny blade and a purple-gray lump of moist bug tissue dropped neatly into her shadow on the lake surface, no touching of the grisly thing required. She was poetry on the wing, and a terror with that blade. His own swordsmanship had vastly improved with her tutelage, that was a secret he was keeping for Shai¡¯s present, today. Gary shuddered with delight at the thought. There were two massive deficits in his column in Shai¡¯s books. He couldn¡¯t give her children¡­ ¡®he carried no spark of life to quicken the womb¡­¡¯ as Tawny liked to say. And he was useless as a warrior; at least by her lofty standards. He¡¯d been training diligently, conditioning his body and working to his limit and beyond for so long, but he remained stuck at ¡®unranked¡¯. As long as he couldn¡¯t improve his agility beyond his natural limits, he was going to come up far short of his mate, as she neared the middle of bronze rank. Even restraining her own martial gifts and handicapping herself, he disappointed her every time. She hid it well, but he could read it in the set of her shoulders. The bitter sting of that had prodded him to action, and now, maybe he had some results to show her at last. With care, he peeled himself away from his warm, sweet wife and crept away to warm up and get in costume. Amy and the boys should have all the other preparations set up already¡­ # Ch: 54 As An Old Enemy Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 54 As An Old Enemy ¡°Rolf, wake up¡­¡± Angie muttered, nudging her massive blonde lump of a husband in the ribs with her elbow. ¡°Rolf! Wake up, something¡¯s different¡­¡± Her elbow and repeated demands eventually got him stirring. ¡°Hmm? We slept in Gary¡¯s garden, love¡­ of course things are different.¡± He said with a yawn. ¡°You¡¯ve known them nearly as long as I have.¡± Angie huffed and fussed, so like a dutiful husband he sat up and really took a look around, just to shut her up, so he could get back to nuzzling the nape of her neck in hopes of getting a morning blo¡­ The house was shattered, tumbled and broken¡­ and covered with mossy growths, vines and sat in a wide, flowering meadow. High ramparts rose by the riverside, but they were narrow and crumbling. The stubby remains of once proud towers and broken castle fortifications lay everywhere in a jumbled ruin. They had selected a far, quiet bower among the rose arbors, for maximum privacy; since Ester was off frolicing with her herd and the new guy, Flash. They had been ¡®up¡¯ late and had fallen into the dreamless sleep of the truly and pleasantly exhausted. Ester saw boundaries and ¡®couple time¡¯ as a mere suggestion and would wander in on them to offer helpful suggestions at times that were¡­ inappropriate. They had taken the opportunity to¡­ forget about everything and everyone not currently snuggled in their cozy little corner of heaven. The stiff, aching, fucksore duo peered around in confusion and looked to each other for answers, forgetting that none were to be had there. ¡°I didn¡¯t think he could change it around, anymore¡­¡± Rolf whispered softly. ¡°It¡¯s been ¡®classic house¡¯ for so long¡­¡± He fell silent when a hushed murmur swept in, sweeping over the hedges, as if the gathered company was excited by something out of their sight. They scrambled into their scattered, disheveled and dew damp clothes, feeling deliciously wicked¡­ and kinda gross, as the sound of clashing weapons rang out in the morning chill. They dashed through the hedges and emerged in a broad field of tumbled masonry, where two giants were battling. Clad all in black leather, his face half concealed by a black silk mask and wielding a rapier with a blade of leather wrapped, split bamboo; Gary was smiling like a fool and fighting for his life against his wife, whose training swords were just¡­ everywhere. She struck and slashed, stabbed, cut, lunged and countered in a stunning display of her natural martial gifts, pressing her husband mercilessly back and forth across the field. ¡°Aye, ye are using the rubble tae yer advantage¡­¡± Shai called, as he climbed a pile of stones to gain an angle on her, however slight. ¡°It seemed appropriate, considering the rocky terrain¡­¡± He answered, as his blade deflected her attacks and stole her momentum. ¡° But sadly, my Capo Ferro and Thibault have nothing on your Agrippa, my love.¡± The masked man sighed, as he vaulted backwards onto another section of the crumbling stonework. She drove him farther up the broken wall, forcing him to leap and dance across gaps in the ruins, with her relentless ¡®weapons¡¯. ¡°Ye are a marvel¡­¡± She whispered, as they crossed blades, corps a corps. She dipped in and stole a sneaky kiss, before spinning away across the tumbled landscape to avoid his counter attack. ¡°I¡¯ve worked hard to become so, my love.¡± He replied, once his lips were free. ¡°I¡¯ll admit it, you¡¯re still better than me.¡± ¡°So whae hae thee smiling so, lad? I¡¯ll trounce thee proper, an ye are playing games.¡± She growled like a cat that just spotted an oblivious, little red dot, just sitting there, asking for it. ¡°Because I know something you don¡¯t know, my dear.¡± He answered sweetly, while his sword slashed at her belly in a vicious cut. ¡°Aye, an wahe¡¯s that?¡± She demanded, as her shorter sword struck his blade and flung it out wide, leaving a perfect opening in his rather impressive guard... ¡°I also have a left hander!¡± He crowed, as a wide, deeply notch swordbreaker caught her longer blade, a moment before she struck home. They spun apart, as she pursued him across the ruins, clashing and separating again and again. Somehow, the mad fool was still unmarked, despite the smile of concentration on his wife¡¯s red, cherry kool-aid lips and the sheen of sweat on her brow. Her sandals flashed over mossy and broken stones with the grace she displayed on the dance floor most evenings; once her husband was in bed, stung into deep sleep, where he couldn¡¯t injure himself. She spun across the top of the wall, a wild dervish of blades and skirts, chasing the black clad man across the narrow, crumbling parapets. For his part, he pressed back, attacking with conservative, well timed thrusts and slashes, designed to break her rhythm and wear her Stamina down, rather than strike home. Her smooth, graceful dance met his wild, careless acrobatics and steady, compact bladework and continued to circle around, each one taking advantage where he could and pressing the attack eagerly when she was able¡­ It was Shai¡¯s fight all the way, the outcome was foregone¡­ But she was a gasping, exhausted, smiling mess of dusty skirts and sweaty hair when she finally tapped her longer blade¡¯s point to his breast and shoved him down onto his arse among the wildflowers. He gazed up at her fondly from his position on his back and smiled. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to get used to disappointment, my love.¡± ¡°Bonny fine, lad¡­ Bonny fine¡­¡± She curled up, her head on his lap, her sweaty hair spilling across him in a short, coppery spray. She smelt divine, and all the world seemed just a little brighter this morning, just a perfect moment among close friends¡­ and Pangbourne. # ¡°Nahh, let ¡®em sleep.¡± Wilf mumbled happily, as the gathered company entered the central keep and found¡­ the interior of the house, behind the door in that cracked, vine strewn facade. ¡°They¡¯ll wake up by brunchtime.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ they are just going to lay there? With a house full of guests?¡± Frank sniffed softly into his wife¡¯s ear. ¡°So much for their lauded hospitalit¡­-ee!¡± Slim, iron hard fingers had snatched his earlobe, and were twisting it with some strength, drawing a manly bleat of pain from the tall knight. He was bent almost double before the pressure eased and his wife started speaking. ¡°Mistress Shai taught me this art last night, for moments like this¡­¡± She hissed into her cartilaginous captive. ¡°I¡¯ll rip this right off and have lady Tawny sew it on backwards, to remind you of your manners!¡± She whispered viciously. ¡°Your antics were disgraceful and criminal!¡± She gasped into his bruised lobe. ¡°They are my friends, and you have behaved abominably¡­ Mistress Shai promised me that Gary will not seek redress in court¡­ A boon for which you should be deeply grateful.¡± ¡°Yes, dear.¡± He murmured softly, while Violet took him to task, from her pasture in Port Sunderland, across the Shallow Sea. ¡°Better¡­¡± Emma grumbled, as she released his battered ear. ¡°You will need to make this right with my friends, Francis.¡± ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± He grumbled under his breath, drawing a sharp look from his furious wife. # The sleeping giants sprawled on the lawn were jealousy guarded by the terrifying sugar wasp, Kree. Her diminutive, black and gold form would allow no one to disturb the passed out pair, not even the kids. They sat in the shade of a leaning wall, enjoying breakfast in the ruins on a field of blankets spread out on the wildflowers. ¡°What is all this?¡± Lindsey asked, the lanky girl was half sprawled over her familiar, while he had his head resting in Barry¡¯s lap¡­ which was still a little embarrassing and weird, even with their senses sorted out. She felt a pang of jealousy and maybe a sneaky temptation to dial her senses into Flash¡¯s; just to enjoy that ear rub along with him¡­ that was all. ¡°Today, papa was the Dread Pirate¡­¡± Harry sighed happily. ¡°That worked out better than expected; I never thought he¡¯d do that well.¡± ¡°She had a couple chances to end it earlier¡­¡± Amy mumbled from behind Shiro¡¯s butt; which was in her face in the grand tradition of all cats, everywhere. ¡°She was having too much fun¡­¡± She yawned mightily and rolled over, to put her face right in Otho the dog¡¯s butt. ¡°Well, crap.¡± She complained mildly, as she shoved the cat away¡­ since the dog was an immovable red gold mountain. ¡°Yes, that was a fine display, but the house and yard¡­¡± Lindsey whispered urgently. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re beat after doing all that¡­ It¡¯ll be back to normal at sunset.¡± Larry said through a huge yawn. ¡°Mmm. We¡¯re beat¡­¡± Wilf muttered gently. ¡°Sorry, miss Lindsey, but we all need a nap.¡± The giant slumped back down onto his blanket among the breakfast things and began to snore. Within a few minutes all of the Wards were passed out and smiling in their dreams, as though they were all dreaming together, somehow. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. Lindsey sighed at the mess and began gathering up dishes and cutlery from the blankets where her new family was strewn about like bedding laid out for an airing on the lawn. Her fond and idle thoughts passed right over her ¡®new family¡¯ without so much as a bump, just a mild sensation of cozy warmth, spreading behind her ribs as she tidied up after her odd kin. She shook her head and patted Flash, who was ¡®helping¡¯ with the cleanup. Especially with the sweet oat and fig porridge remnants in the kid¡¯s forgotten bowls. ¡°No more, Flash¡­ I¡¯d not ride a portly piggy down the roads.¡± She giggled at her hungry horsie. ¡°Aww, how am I ever gonna carry you, if I stay scrawny like this?¡± He demanded in his language of sniffs, snorts and whickers. ¡°Are you suggesting I am too heavy for you?¡± She asked in the tone every male should recognize, but so few did. ¡°Oh, yeah, by a lot! You seem to have pudged up a little, since yesterday.¡± Flash muttered happily. He never even knew that it was happening, until Annie¡¯s big, square teeth clamped onto his sensitive ear and started hauling him away to the river road. ¡°Someone needs to run off some energy, before he runs off his mouth.¡± The giant warhorse mumbled around a mouthful of Flash¡¯s tender flesh. ¡°Thank you herdmistress Annie. Run him ragged, please.¡± Lindsey said with a frosty smile. # Gary and Shai woke up in the big fluffy bed, under a mural of a sky; half lost in deepest, star strewn night and half in glorious, sunlit midday. Moss and fungus furniture took the place of carpets and mundane items, in the silly forest fantasy bedroom they¡¯d created together, just for funzies, so long ago. They could feel the kids, scattered around the house singly and in the ¡®Muffin¡¯s case, all three in a pile together, as always. ¡°Yes, you are back, for a short time. You must not leave the garden immediately around the house.¡± Marduk said softly, from a toadstool seat near the bed. ¡°The gods have deemed this to be my domain, since none can enter without my approval, as your humble caretaker. Since they cannot truly see what happens here, we will not be disturbed.¡± ¡°Whoah, Ducks¡­ It¡¯s good to see you, too.¡± He grumbled at the tiny god. ¡°You shush, foolish monkey!¡± The little being snapped. ¡°We have been plotting and scheming for a while now and you nearly ruined it all with that stunt! I¡¯m just glad she is the goddess of Healing, not analytical thinking, or she would have figured out some way to escape your silly curse¡­ why are you smiling?¡± ¡°I missed getting my ass chewed out by you, Ducks; that¡¯s all.¡± He complained happily, as his wife stretched so prettily beside him and snuggled down into the bedding¡­ that seemed really smart. ¡°Well, you¡¯ve thrown the immortal community into a tizzy, one that would be catastrophic, were they to realize you can once more enter this place, however briefly.¡± Marduk shook his head and sighed. ¡°We were working on the problem, with little success; then Dana herself did something so abominably stupid! That gave us new hope, hope that we could resolve this and make you whole again without conflict or strife¡­¡± He glared down at the snuggly couple and sniffed. ¡°And then you had to do something stupidly abominable in response. You two are made for each other, you and Dana. A fine pair of idiots; in mirror image.¡± ¡°Harsh, bro. Take it easy¡­ she started this mess, I¡¯m just sticking up for my family.¡± Gary complained mildly, having trouble keeping his eyes open, as he drifted off toward normal sleep, where Shai was already. ¡°Besides¡­ I heard a few curses in her voice¡­ hard to say, but at least one sounded¡­ familiar.¡± # Marduk stomped downstairs after the pair had vanished away¡­ still puzzling at his annoying friend¡¯s parting words. ¡°It¡¯s infuriating!¡± He grumbled to Thirp, who was crawling up the wall in nervous little hops and skitters. ¡°Our only real expert on mortal and divine curses¡­ and he¡¯s useless.¡± ¡°Perhaps¡­ perhaps not¡­ young Wilf seems to have some insights. If he were to Contract with you¡­¡± She began. ¡°No¡­ Gary would take that very poorly, I think. Best we investigate this ourselves. I should go have a chat with Caduceus¡­ the colossal prat.¡± He sighed. ¡°I have some questions for Ermet, as well, let us divide our forces for the moment.¡± Thirp sang softly. ¡°I am pleased by what I glimpsed between Gary and Shai today¡­ very pleased, brother Marduk.¡± ¡°Their mortal hormones and coupling behaviors are secondary concerns at best, we have more important matters to address.¡± He replied with regal dignity, and a sweet little smile playing around the corners of his lips. # ¡°I did not miss the covetous look you gave my fine new mortal ornament, Baba Yaga¡­¡± Eponna whinnied and stamped her discontent at the ancient witch of the deep woods. ¡°Now I find you creeping about the edges of my herd, seeking her Familiar¡¯s immortal being.¡± She tossed her mane of cosmic wonders, Lindsey¡¯s now whole and undamaged links prominently displayed among the moons and stars. ¡°She is not for you.¡± ¡°Should she choose me¡­¡± She croaked, smiling a wide, sharp toothed grin. ¡°Curses and spells for weal and woe, medicines and poisons, curses and blessings are my domain¡­ She could be a pupil of my arts¡­¡± ¡°Yet you cannot find her light, without sniffing about in my herd for clues? Begone. I¡¯ll not aid you in your skulduggery.¡± Her divine, star strewn tail thrashed in agitation at the crone. ¡°My herd, my human. Find your own path to her, if you can.¡± The tall, haggard crone withdrew, her avatar slowly fading among the trees and vanishing back into the deep, dark tanglewoods, on the far side of the Madman¡¯s moon, whence she¡¯d come. The faint, shimmering, shimmying echo of her passage into that distant place faded with the faint, mocking call of a single raven in the distance. ¡°Obnoxious cunt.¡± Eponna snorted at her lingering spiritual miasma. ¡°She stinks of death.¡± # All seven Ward kids woke in their usual bunks, it was just not in the right house. This house felt somehow more real and less actual, while being even more clearly¡­ the correct place. ¡°Ohh. We better go find the boys¡­¡± WIlf mumbled when he woke, coming around just like papa once did; snapping from sleep to wakefulness without a jolt, or a moment¡¯s disorientation. Just like papa, he was up and moving, headed for the corridor where the boys¡¯ rooms lay. Wilf caught all four as they came out of their rooms, looking puzzled, rather than freaked out. ¡°Hey, guys¡­ This is fine, we used to come here in our dreams all the time. It feels like we¡¯re already waking up, so stay cool¡­ and don¡¯t mention this to anyone, ok?¡± ¡°Who would we tell about this? And why would they listen? This is the most boring dream I¡¯ve had in weeks.¡± Harry said with a wide yawn that sent him away into mortal sleep, his brothers following after. # The boys caught Gary in the workshop before dawn, as usual. He had something on his bench that he made disappear when they came downstairs in a group. ¡°We want a crack at that dungeon, pops.¡± Larry said firmly, when they were seated on stools. The previous day¡¯s magical redecoration of the house and yard had really wiped the younger Wards out; they all still felt pleasantly exhausted, as if after a fruitful day¡¯s work. ¡°No chance, no dice. Besides, count Liam is in charge and we¡¯re still negotiating whether the ¡®Muffins will consider thinking about taking a second look at the idea. Is that enough weasel words for you?¡± Perry blew a discourteous little breath through his nose and scoffed, just a little. ¡°They won¡¯t pass it up. Did you notice they¡¯ve been crafting nearly every day and training hard? They want a shot at it.¡± ¡°We know we won¡¯t be among the first in, Of course we won¡¯t¡­ but we want a chance, pops.¡± Barry said quietly. ¡°We¡¯ve been Contracted and we¡¯re old enough now¡­¡± He lightly skipped over the details of Harry¡¯s age and status without acknowledging an issue there. ¡°We¡¯re Adventurers.¡± ¡°Not ¡®til you¡¯ve been sworn in and have your badges¡­¡± All three older boys displayed their badges, a black, wrought iron, six pointed star tangled in a ring of brass and bronze vines. ¡°Oh, is that the new badge¡­? Sweet!¡± ¡°Focus up, dad.¡± Perry demanded gently. ¡°We¡¯re asking for your blessing, not your permission, please¡­¡± ¡°You kids gonna marry that dungeon?¡± He asked sadly. ¡°I¡¯d hoped to have that conversation before this one¡­¡± He turned to Barry and grinned like the biggest idiot ever made of mortal flesh and bone. ¡°That¡¯s a great setup line¡­¡± ¡°Suck it, old man.¡± Barry replied in a dramatically exhausted tone that really hit the vibe. ¡°Kids, wherever you go, whatever you do¡­ you have my blessing, for what that¡¯s worth. Why the hell do you think I make all this stuff?¡± He waved at the family armory in a secured back corner of the shop. There was a lot going on there, including something under a dust cover that kept discharging lambent pink sparks into the shadowy corner it was propped up in. One of papa¡¯s magic circles surrounded the armory corner, waiting to raise the alarm if anyone crossed it to filch anything dangerous, or fun. ¡°What¡¯s that, pops?¡± Harry asked, shooting a worried look at the shroud draped, sparking thing. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it¡­ that¡¯s fine, don¡¯t worry about it. Let me show you the new mountaineering equipment Tallum and Dannyl are working on; it¡¯s still on the drawing board and they wanted your thoughts.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ so you aren¡¯t gonna fuss and get all weird?¡± Harry asked carefully. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine you¡¯d give up if I said no¡­ so I¡¯d be pretty dumb to try.¡± He raised one warning finger and waggled it in¡­ warning. ¡°I¡¯m gonna insist on safety. No crazy risks.¡± Gary sighed softly at his boys and smiled. ¡°I¡¯d like it if you linked up with the Ragamuffins¡­ I know, they seem a lot older than you, but our lives are weird¡­¡± He groaned and scratched his head. ¡°Somehow, through weird ass magic¡­ and divine time fuckery, I¡¯m simultaneously older, younger and the same age as my kids¡­ I need another nap.¡± # Pangbourne had a big sheet of paper on a table, and was busy sketching out the timeline, while scratching his head. ¡°That¡¯s utter madness¡­¡± He drew a few more careful lines and figures before glancing up to catch high priestess Becky¡¯s eyes. ¡°By these calculations, Gary is only just now turning fifteen¡­ by the means the divines use to measure human development.¡± He nodded silently when Becky only sighed in response. After a moment a sly, wicked smile crossed his face. ¡°That would mean, that for all these years, Gary has been a literal child¡­ and mistress Shai has been ¡®cohabitating¡¯ with-¡­¡± Emma¡¯s fingers clamped onto his ear once more, steering his thoughts away from those dangerous shoals. ¡°If you embarrass or humiliate my friends over this¡­¡± she stifled a giggle behind her hand. ¡°...admittedly hilarious circumstance¡­¡± ¡°Darling, I was trying to say that if Gary is not legally an adult¡­ and if the divines are compelled to acknowledge mortal law in this instance¡­¡± He paused to savor the delicious treat he¡¯d discovered. ¡°Mistress Shai would be the sole custodian of the children who were attacked¡­ both of them¡­¡± He paused significantly and waited for her to catch up. ¡°The healer girl, Lucy?¡± Emma asked, deeply confused by this sudden shift in angle. ¡°No, wife¡­ If Gary is only now fifteen and Shai and her children pulled him into the world¡­ By the rules the gods have acknowledged as binding, they cursed an innocent infant¡­ in violation of the law.¡± He gasped, as the ear torture became a soothing ear rub. ¡°With Shai as his¡­ next of kin¡­¡± Frank took a deep breath, as he stepped carefully around that dangerous sinkhole. ¡°As his legal guardian until his technical majority, she is the proper complainant. In both cases.¡± ¡°Frank¡­ are you a¡­ lawyer?¡± Becky asked cautiously. ¡°No, but I have been studying this¡­ case in the legal documents that have been released into the public record since I first met Gary¡­¡± He pulled a hefty notebook out of his coat and started thumbing through it, looking for a reference. ¡°Oh, gods above and below; you really need to meet Kelli and Elli¡­! And let them read your book.¡± Becky chirped happily. ¡°Come on, down to Wilf¡¯s house, she always stays with him, cause she isn¡¯t affected by the ¡®Groove Thang¡¯¡­ Never mind that. Let¡¯s go visit my aunties!¡± Sir Francis Delano Pangbourne, ducal consort and warleader of the duchy of Lemur found himself chatting over tea and cocoa with a smiling, childlike woman and her demon haunted shadow familiar¡­ and enjoying himself immensely. ¡°I really feel like I¡¯m starting to see what¡¯s going on¡­ I was afraid I was going mad¡­¡± He murmured happily over his cocoa and mini marshmallows. ¡°Only to find that the world has gone mad and I simply need to catch up.¡± # On the Ward family property, wherever it was at the moment, the laws of reality could be bent, massaged and manipulated. The popular concept of what was ¡®real¡¯ was a little more casual and laid back in some ways; in ways the rest of the world was not down with. Gary could no longer manifest objects into solid, illusory reality, that power was sealed away; along with most of his abilities that were able to reach outside his own aura and touch the world and other people¡­ Shai and Becky found the eldritch ability to manifest moonlight, sunlight and shadows into a mockery of physical matter too exhausting for most purposes, and simply not worth it for anything beyond minor, very short term manifestations. A warm damp cloth could appear in Shai¡¯s hand to wipe up a minor mess, and then vanish in a twinkle of darkling shadow when the job was done, but a real cloth from the rag bin was just as quick and didn¡¯t give her a mild, throbbing ache in her eyes for an hour after. Amy had fewer limitations, even if she seldom used the ability, she hated the sweetly sad and slightly bittersweet smile her dad wore, when she wielded the strange magic that spun out from his damaged soul. It rotated around him and expanded in a hurricane of invisible and largely imperceptible magical energies. That left her poor papa forever at the calm and unnaturally tranquil heart of a magical tempest that never touched him. He could feel the wild, surging energies but they were just out of reach, expelled beyond his Animus and inaccessible to him¡­ ¡°Really, Ames?¡± Papa demanded, when he found her in the garden ¡®setting up¡¯ trestle tables and long benches, stacks of cutlery, tableware and innumerable napkins, cups and glasses, all in massive, orderly stacks beside a buffet table thirty feet long. ¡°Shush dad, Mariah is being brave about it, but this is her party.¡± She scolded him with sweet, mocking ferocity, she even waggled a finger at him, the way she always had, ever since she was small enough to ride inside his coat on cool winter days. ¡°Her first birth day party! It¡¯s super important and no dumb goddess is going to mess it up. Sure, it¡¯s yours, mine and the boys¡¯ birthdays too, but frankly¡­¡± She shrugged helplessly and nodded to the skyrocket that was exploding over the lake at the moment, a smoke and ember cloud expanding in the blue, cloudless morning. A flock of startled geese were flapping desperately for the far end of the lake, as one bright, flaming figure drifted down from the detonation, giggling madly. ¡°...she¡¯s the prettiest.¡± # Ch: 55 Come, Doused In Mud Sailing Ether Tides Ch: 55 Come, Doused In Mud Lindsey was in the stable, brushing flash and getting to know the other equines, when Amy and Maya appeared, smiling wickedly at her from the wide doorway. ¡°Come on, sister, it¡¯s time to dress for the party¡­¡± Maya chuckled gleefully. ¡°We¡¯ve selected your outfit, now we just need to stuff you into it!¡± In the minutes that followed, Lindsey found herself pushed into a stall with the assistance of her traitorous familiar and unceremoniously stripped completely bare by her two smiling frenemies. Amy produced a wicker hamper from¡­ somewhere and began pulling the most daring, shocking, utterly inappropriate, filmy, lacy underthings from her perverted picnic basket. The pale green panties barely covered anything, while the matching ¡®top¡¯ was more like a lace frosted, decorative shelf to prop her modest boobs on¡­ Though once secured in the revealing, absolutely naughty thing, they did sit up and behave. Her firm, plumply jiggly darlings peeked over the soft, sheer battlements; rather than simply being lost in her usual loose garments. ¡°I can¡¯t show him these!¡± She gasped in shock. ¡°Well, I suppose he has already seen me¡­¡± She gulped and blushed even brighter, surprising her two evil ¡®friends¡¯ with an even deeper shade of red. ¡°Yes, dearie, and you¡¯ve seen him too, in the bath¡­ that makes you even-steven. That is unacceptable! Now we tip the scales in our¡­ er, your favor!¡± Becky cackled, as she spun the poor girl around to face a full length and quite ornate mirror¡­ in a horse¡¯s stall. ¡°These are not concealed weapons, to be hidden until your desperate, last resort¡­¡± Becky sighed, cupping the lanky girl¡¯s lace clad breasts fondly and hefting them like a goodwife at the produce market might judge a melon; in a gesture far too intimate for the tall lass¡¯ comfort. ¡°Best you show a hint of what he might face in a test of arms¡­ and a bit of decorative enhancement is fine indeed.¡± Maya agreed, while appraising Lindsey¡¯s ass in a manner that any stableman would recognize¡­ she smiled with satisfaction at her findings. ¡°Now to wrap the gift and put a bow on it¡­ er¡­¡± Amy¡¯s hand flashed out, viciously twisting Maya¡¯s ear with a speed and accuracy that left poor Lindsey wondering if she¡¯d missed something¡­ While admiring her own sleek, lithe body in the mirror. The two giggling girls wrapped her in flowing, layered skirts of spring green and pale ivory and a scanty, white muslin top that bared her shoulders and belly, and would have displayed her nearly bare bosom, but for a snug, colorfully embroidered half vest that made her breasts collide and bounce in ways that were new to the tall, lanky girl. Her assailants stood back and allowed her to escape the stall, once her hair had been done up in a loose braid, decorated with tiny rosebuds from the garden. A few touches of cosmetics had finished the work. ¡°Sorry, we had to dress you out here¡­ Annie has the only full length mirror in the house. That¡¯s a secret.¡± Amy whispered, while Lindsey stared at the beautiful stranger standing in the shining surface, dressed in understated finery. No hint could be seen, of the scandalous undies hidden behind the slim, sexy facade of a pretty girl dressed for a party. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­¡± Maya whispered happily. ¡°That¡¯s the stuff.¡± # Fourth bell brought a huge horde of friends, family, the curious and the nosey crashing down on the wide meadows and gardens around the inn. The dire and ominous aura of the place had blown away like a bad smell, and the smell of cooking coming from the place was enough to draw attention. Strange foreign spices mingled excitingly with the familiar scents of home and hearth, drifting over the small town¡­ and a rack of kegs suggested that there would be beer. Three ginger giants managed the beer kegs, Thom, Marcus and Tallum were a matched set of enormous smiths with huge, shovel hands and wide, cheerful smiles. The subtle threat of their short, leather wrapped cudgels, worn on sashes of bright red, suggested that they would continue to be jovial and open handed with the drinks¡­ so long as everyone remained polite. A band of fringe tribal Adventurers, dressed in the wildly colorful costume of their people managed the buffet table, decked out in vests embellished with beads of bone, shell and stranger things, with bright feathers and bands of head trauma blue paint on their faces, they presented a fiercely festive aspect to the locals. The Sparrowhawks were long term friends and colleagues of the Ward and the count, fulfilling Adventure contracts and executing monster interdictions all over the county as the lord¡¯s primary adventuring warband and wilderness team. Today, they kept the buffet filled with the same joyous and unfettered attitude as when they faced monsters; flying here and there accompanied only by the soft clatter of beads and the swish of bare feet on the grass. There was music of course, Gary sat on a high stool, a guitar in hand, playing something windswept and filled with the joy of motion and movement. His fingers danced over the strings invoking a ringing, chiming storm of sound. His wide eyed, glassy gaze said he was absolutely wasted and completely cranked on sugarwasp venom and would probably play all night in an in-distractible, focused, fogged state of musical bliss. With her sting in his veins, all of his gifts and all magical abilities were completely inaccessible, rendering him entirely mundane. Even the wild magical tempest swirling around him was gone, excluded from his perceptions entirely. Music flooded his fingers and battered soul, as he cut loose and did what needed to be done to make her happy¡­ The price was steep; under Kree¡¯s sting, he felt an unshakeable eagerness to please the wasp princess, to do her bidding and serve her hive to the best of his abilities. His wife, kids, family and friends were all super important¡­ just a little bit less important than the hive princess and her smallest desire¡­ She kept him playing for hours, sweetly smiling and lifting music into the clear summer sky with a smile on his face that was too wide to be entirely real¡­ and too deeply happy to be anything but entirely genuine at its core. Sweet Mariah was everywhere, flying around on her shimmering insect wings, trailing a plume of smoke, sparks and a blazing, ember bright aura of purest joy; she flitted from table to table, meeting everyone. Down by the stables, Annie and the other horsies were giving rides to the kiddos, while the grownups ate and the young people danced in a swirling mob, caught up in the music. Duke Mubarak¡¯s kids were in the crowd somewhere, mingling happily and enjoying themselves mightily, from the glimpses he caught of his son and daughter whirling from one hand to another in the melee of dancing young people, or enjoying a simple pony ride. He sat back with a glass of ¡®Ward Cellars Pruno Noir¡¯ and savored the almost sweet, almost tart, jammy, plummy wine with sublime pleasure. Served cool, rather than cold; it refreshed without sacrificing flavor and subtlety. Jaspreet sipped a glass of iced berry tisane sweetened with sunsting bee honey. Those fae insect hives were dangerous to harvest for most men, yet in this house, the supply of that precious sweet seemed endless. ¡°Gods I hate the Wards¡­¡± Abed Mubarak, duke of a prosperous and ancient realm sighed through a wide smile¡­ and a small twinge of envy. # The birthday girl and her two companions found Lindsey at last, hiding among the little kids, looking a little lost and lonely in the crowd. Amy and her brothers were playing in front of their proud, smiling, almost delirious looking father. So she stayed near the stable, helping entertain and supervise the little ones and giving the smallest kids gentle, ambling rides on Flash. Three fluttering insects appeared from the crowd, darting into the horses, ponies and kids, who were playing on a lawn that had been liberally coated with bedding straw. A few startled cries of alarm quickly stilled, when the huge, terrifying, black and gray moth landed on Annie¡¯s neck. She led her two companions into the childrens¡¯ ¡®Rootin¡¯ Tootin¡¯ Funtime Corral¡¯ and alighted right on Annie in fond and feathery soft hug. The nocturnal creature wore a silk blindfold that covered her eyes, which was slightly disconcerting¡­ Thankfully, her garment also obscured the terrible, empty, staring, eldritch eye sockets of the gleaming white skull on her back. The deathless gaze of her icon could pull the souls of the dead into the next realm¡­ And tugged on the essence of the living in some uncomfortable ways, when mortal eyes found the blank, deathly gaze of her skull marking. The fiery and energetic Wildfire dryad buzzed and fluttered around on wings that were sometimes dusty, iridescent butterfly wings, while at other times became the fast moving, wind cutting blades of a moondrinker dragonfly. Her beauty, cheeriness, harmless, pretty sparks and sweet scented smoke won over the kids quickly. She played skyrocket a few times, bursting in low altitude, sparkling showers of magical flame, delighting the kids with her spellbinding act. Princess Kree found herself less popular with the kids, ¡®dressed¡¯ in her natural, insectile armor and with her blackened bronze, rapier stinger slung at her hip. She contented herself with clinging to Annie¡¯s mane and watching the proceedings with regal and glorious pleasure at her underlings¡¯ antics¡­ She flitted down to perch on Lindsey¡¯s shoulder in a quiet moment, as afternoon started getting cozy with evening¡¯s shadows. ¡°I see you, child of Eponna¡­¡± She whispered, impossibly speaking to a human who was not her bonded companion. ¡°You and I both seem to be set apart in this place¡­ As strangers lost on the periphery and unnoticed¡­ But is that really true?¡± The tiny armored girl shook her dragonfly wings and sighed. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°This place will welcome you without stint or reservation, my sweet human sister.¡± She planted a kiss on Lindsey¡¯s ear that felt like the brush of a warm sunbeam on a cool day. ¡°You need only be bold enough to reach out and pluck what is offered, in this garden of delights.¡± She fell silent for a few long moments, letting the girl contemplate that. ¡°Are you saying I should¡­¡± She began, eventually, her face so bright and scarlet in the fading sun that she seemed to glow. ¡°I say this¡­¡± The wasp girl whispered into her ear. ¡°These men are as clueless and inept in matters of the heart, as they are gifted with crafts and workings of art.¡± She buzzed around the girl¡¯s head twice to make her point. ¡°Even when they see what they desire, they lack the confidence to seek their own wants. A girl could wait forever, should she also lack confidence.¡± The tiny girl flying on insect wings buzzed over and kissed Lindsey right on the tip of her nose. ¡°I have a sad duty to perform now¡­ A shameful and necessary evil; and a terrible reversal of the proper familiar bond¡­¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°My poor servant cannot survive without my sting, even worse, he cannot truly thrive with my venom in his veins¡­¡± She eyed Barry¡¯s dad, perched on a stool and holding yet another weird musical instrument and driving the band on mercilessly, his glazed eyes and giddy smile still feverish and wild. ¡°I must needs go sting him again.¡± She released a deeply sad sigh into the cool evening ¡°He really needs tonight; whatever the price may be tomorrow.¡± Kree took wing from Lindsey¡¯s hair and vanished into the garden party. A few seconds later, the music changed; becoming a swaying, familiar folk tune that reminded her of childhood days long gone, as the first chime of seventh bell sang out. She leaned against Annie, her new friend and confidante and sobbed a little, caught up in emotions, music and thoughts of the past. A large, warm hand landed on her shoulder, one fingertip barely brushing the bare skin of her neck and sending little electric tingles down her spine from that tiny point of contact. ¡°Are you crying?¡± Barry¡¯s voice was soft and warm, if a little unsteady, as he spoke into her ear. A soft flannel cloth appeared, pressed into her hand with gentle insistence. ¡°Can I do anything? Did someone do something?¡± He asked gently, while pressing his warm body closer to her for some reason. ¡°Stop it Flash, quit pushing me, you big dummy.¡± He mumbled to her splendid little horsie. ¡®I have him, boss¡­ He¡¯s going nowhere.¡¯ Flash chuckled and whickered behind the huge boy¡¯s back. ¡®Good work, Flash¡­ keep nudging him¡­¡¯ She whispered into his giggly mind. ¡°Bite him on the butt if he tries to escape¡­¡± She blushed bright red, when she realized she¡¯d said that part aloud. ¡°You know I speak horse, right?¡± He asked gently. ¡°I can hear Flash and all the others, when they speak.¡± His huge, warm hand took hers as the other landed gently on her hip, pulling her gently into a slow, swaying dance, among the sleepy ponies and horses. ¡°You¡­ You dance, too?¡± She asked weakly, as he slowly took control and led her around the little paddock, creating a quiet, private dance floor for two as the sun sank lower. ¡°Whenever I get the chance¡­ Do you mind? I¡¯m usually in the band, but Kree said you asked for me.¡± His breath wrapped around her throat like a warm scarf, as his hands banished the evening¡¯s chill. Eighth bell sang out, calling the end of the day and the beginning of the night; the music still carried the dancers in the corral on its feathery soft wings. The strange, wailing guitar Barry¡¯s dad had been playing all night fell silent at last, drawing a smile of excitement and a softly whispered: ¡°Watch the sky over the lake.¡± From the warm boy in her arms. He turned her about and slowed, so they could both gaze at the moons rising over the lake. He stood behind her, his body pressed close to hers and his strong arms wrapped around, just a little hesitantly. Those two huge, calloused, workman¡¯s hands settled on her hips, then slowly eased around, finally resting on her bare bellybutton, sending sparks shooting through her tummy. They stood together like that, his chin resting lightly on her slim, bare shoulder; watching the sky, cheek to cheek for a few timeless seconds of anticipation. Lindsey spotted the tall form of Barry¡¯s dad, capering down by the shore with a lit torch in his hand, gleefully doing¡­ something odd and inexplicable, as usual. A quiet, rushing crackle by the lake shore became a whistling, screaming projectile of glittering pink sparks, as a streak of light shot up, toward the moons and erupted in a volcanic shower of rainbow sparks. Lindsey started in his arms, when the thunderous crack of sound split the sky and sighed with joy, as sparks rained down on the lake surface. Again and again, things exploded over the lake, almost all of them were not Mariah¡­ though she was unable to resist competing with the alchemical fireworks, soundly defeating the master of the house¡¯s arts, with her magical and pyrotechnic displays. When she erupted into a thousand flaming, fluttering butterflies and an equal number of shadowy, dark moths Gary surrendered with a mad giggle of joy and retreated to the stage, where his beloved guitar waited. With the light show over, the crowd dispersed and the music became a soft lullaby urging the party people to seek their beds and rest¡­ The music ended, the glowing lanterns dimmed and most of the party supplies and furniture vanished under the moonlight, filtered through the rising, cool mist. Two people swayed on and on, failing utterly to notice when the music ended and the lights went out. Kree had long since passed the duty to Sasha, who lurked over the corral entrance; guarding the space until Xyll, the late late shift arrived to take over, preventing anyone from disturbing the pair with her aura of uncanny dread and fear. Sasha fluttered home to her sleeping master¡¯s shadow with a warm, soft sigh of accomplishment. Her smugly satisfied presence made sir Kermal snuggle even closer to Becky in the night, under a rose arbor, bathed in moonlight, drawing an appreciative coo from his cuddly armful. # At dawn, the Ragamuffins and a small squad of supervising veterans lined up at the garden gate. Count Liam, Dannyl, Becky, Sir Kermal, Tallum and Ivy were kitted out for riding, with light packs on their backs. ¡°Remember, we¡¯re scouting and surveying the route¡­ there will be no approach or entry into the phenomenon, under any circumstances.¡± The count called from atop his familiar. The rest of the party were mounted on Gary¡¯s mad machines, smiling with enthusiasm undimmed by the early start. Gary and Shai watched from the balcony, as the Ragamuffin¡¯s cottages slowly faded and drifted away, leaving fertile soil behind. ¡°Off to scout a dungeon with the count¡­¡± He sighed softly. ¡°They¡¯re growing up so fast.¡± ¡°Aye, perhaps, perhaps not¡­¡± Shai murmured from under his arm, where she was holding him up and helping him wave to the kids. ¡°Thanks, love. They¡¯d have worried if they thought I was having an attack.¡± He mumbled, sinking back into their bed with a gasp. ¡°I¡¯m just too tired to live, today.¡± He mumbled as sleep slowly overtook him. ¡°Totally worth it.¡± Shai sighed softly and sank onto the pillowy bed beside him, sitting up so she could manage her broken musician. She fumbled around in the bedding and fished out his poor left hand, the fingertips all ragged and torn by sharp metal strings pressed into flesh gone too soft by far. She sucked her teeth in pity, as she kneaded a ball of violet wax into a slippery ointment and began coating his battered, bleeding skin. # Larry, Perry and Harry spent a quiet, contemplative morning, cleaning papa¡¯s collection¡­ It was a little gross. He¡¯d drooled and bled on the banjo head, it would need replacing and fresh strings, they were pretty bloody too. Getting clotted blood out of the gears of the tuning machines was a job too. Larry took it on with workmanlike pride, even if it was disgusting. Harry was doing a similar job on the Gibbon, Stratoblaster and Teleblaster, wiping flecks of torn skin, droplets of blood and other ¡®moisture¡¯ away and re-stringing the messy guitars. Their enclosed tuning machines kept the crud out, blessedly. Poor Perry was cleaning the flutes¡­ Kree¡¯s venom stilled their dad¡¯s crippling magical wounds and allowed him to play to his heart¡¯s content, but at an awful cost to his body and terrible results on his poor instruments. The flutes were drenched and in some cases absolutely clogged with thick drool, the inevitable result of the venom that quelled his pain. That lucky jerk Barry was missing all the ¡®fun¡¯; since he was still passed out in the hayloft beside Lindsey, with Shiro snuggled right between, to keep things ¡®kosher¡¯... whatever that meant. # Giddy and exuberant, the team pedaled up the river road, hedging for the Southeast Climb, the road they¡¯d descended a few days before. Several miles of gently rolling bottomland and slowly rising foothills waited for them, before that punishing ascent¡­ ¡°Whoo hoo!¡± Amy wailed in that perfect mixture of terror, excitement and joy that only a high speed trail ride can provoke. She nearly washed out on a bend above a creek, where the deer watered on summer evenings. Her knobby, magically hardened, tree sap tires chewed furrows in the soft loam, as she sped down a game trail; her armor turning aside the branches and brambles that lashed at her speedy blue form. Wilf hammered right after her, his presence on her rear wheel urging her to go faster and take bigger jumps¡­ always bigger jumps with that boy. She careened through a clump of bracken ferns and launched back onto the road, at least a mile ahead of the pack. Wilf skidded to a stop beside her, spattered with mud, grinning and decorated with forest finery. Most of the plant species in the woods were represented among the leaves caught in his armor and bike gear. ¡°God¡¯s you¡¯re filthy¡­¡± The girl who insisted on riding in front said¡­ ¡°Yeah¡­ I am.¡± He sighed happily, as he sprawled out beside the road, to wait for the slowpokes. # Amy was leaned up against Wilf, half dozing when the rest caught up to the muddy ¡®scouts¡¯. ¡°Uh, huh?¡± Dannyl snorted at the duo, as they pretended to scramble up and salute the company. ¡°All clear, sir.¡± Amy barked, strident and correct in every way, except for the silly pirate princess hat she was wearing, against regulations. Meanwhile, Wilf saluted the wrong direction, addressing the deep, dark woods, with his helmet on backwards. ¡°Very good, carry on, Adventurers.¡± Count Liam replied evenly, choosing to take the high road with these two clowns. ¡°Focus up when it counts, kids, or I¡¯ll let Audrey eat your bikes.¡± He whispered as they mounted up, giggling together like fools. ¡°You can count on them, brother.¡± Dannyl murmured happily, as his kids got in line for the ascent. ¡°They¡¯ve had to learn how to be children again, after the last few years¡­¡± The long, tough, stretchy tow lines came out, as the kids got ready for the climb and prepared to tow the mundane bikes up behind them. ¡°Followers, relax and stay off the brakes, let the line stretch and contract as needed, just keep your cadence and try to keep up.¡± Amy instructed briskly, as she strolled up and down the line, checking gear and bikes with a professional¡¯s confident expertise. ¡°Wilf, check his headset, looks loose.¡± She nodded at Kermal¡¯s bike and set her big, younger brother on him with a wrench. ¡°Rio, your derailleur needs adjustment, looks like you¡¯re skipping second, gonna need that one.¡± In a flash Rio was hunkered down, cranking a thumbwheel a few notches tighter. In a loose peloton, they slowly began the climb, surging up on the gentle inclines and grinding up the steeper sections; mercilessly fighting gravity and physics with mortal legs and arcane magics. By evening, the valley lay far below, slowly vanishing in purple shadows¡­ with a sparkling flash, Mariah erupted over the lake, setting the shore birds into panicked flight once more. When the soft crack of her explosion reached the team on the mountain, it was a faint, whispery thing, but landed like a soft kiss on the Ward kid¡¯s ears. Canvas and rope, cut saplings and warm bedding became a secure, snug camp on a familiar expanse of flat ground, overlooking the valley¡­ and home lost in the distance, by the lake shore. ¡°We¡¯ll have baths and actual beds tomorrow¡­ and whenever the trail conditions allow.¡± Dannyl spoke softly to the other riders in the group. ¡°The Muffins can¡¯t haul us and our gear up the mountain and build an inn for us to stay in¡­ they aren¡¯t crazy.¡± That fondly mean dig at their poor dad brought giggles to the entire group¡­ and a few sighs of longing for his beds and baths. # Shiro nudged Becky awake, deep in the night, before he went on to pester Kermal, butting him with his furry white forehead until the knight woke. ¡°Shh¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Amy sent him, something¡¯s lurking around the camp.¡± Kermal nodded silently and closed his eyes. In a silent rush of dusty wings, Sasha manifested and flitted out of their tent, into the mist shrouded night. Kermal followed, tying a sash of black silk over his eyes and drawing his shining bronze sword from its trousers. He slipped into the night, clad in pajamas, which slowly became obscured, under his close fitted traveling armor of black, monster leather. His armor and gear flowed over him as he passed through the shadows under the trees, silently encasing him in spellbound hides and blackened bronze. Marrying Becky and joining the family was the best decision of his life¡­ ¡°Gods, I love the Wards¡­¡± He whispered, as Wilf and Rio fell in beside him, with the black moth fluttering through the sparse woods in the lead, nearly lost in the shredded mist and moonlight. Behind him, he heard his wife, waking the camp ¡®quietly¡¯ to cover their stealthy maneuverings among the lonely pines. With her wings silent in the fog and her grisly white skull marking showing the way, Sasha led them up and around on a game trail and out onto a wide granite slab, a few hundred yards above their camp. Under the overhanging edge, a pool of deeper darkness lingered, seeming entirely mundane¡­ Below, the campfire flared up and people started moving in the open, as if preparing for an attack. On cue, Rio plucked a ball of bright red clay out of his gear belt and pulled a long waxed cord, ripping it out of the apple sized ball of earth. Silently he tossed it under the ledge, where it vanished with a stony clatter. A moment later, bright red light and choking smoke erupted from the hole, followed by fifteen or twenty small figures in brimless, conical caps that shone wetly black in the moonlight. The tiny men and women staggered out, screaming, clawing at their eyes and coughing¡­ those who weren¡¯t already on the ground, vomiting. The clank and clatter of their iron, spiked shoes on stone was enough to identify their kith and tribe... ¡°Redcaps¡­¡± Wilf hissed, with fury in his usually mellow voice that curdled sir Kermal¡¯s blood. # # End book 1: MissAdventures with Admiral Amy¡­ Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance, begins on the next chapter! As An Old Memoria: Ch: 1 Sailing Ether Tides Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance As An Old Memoria: Ch: 1 Out on a cold, misty mountainside, far above a lonely camp, glowing softly among the trees and foggy wisps, three Adventurers stalked a silent predator through the night. The clouded leopard¡¯s soft, fluffy pads made no sound as he moved among the scattered pines and rocky slopes. A thick mat of old needles silenced even his human minions¡¯ heavy footfalls. Shiro smelled the thick, cloying scent of old blood and decay, and the sharp stink of rusty iron, mingled with something filthy. The stench rose from the darkest of the hillside thickets, polluting that sacred space with foulness, something hiding behind a glamor¡­ a really shitty one. Amy, Maya and Dannyl circled around to the east, slipping among the trees, finally catching their own sample of the scent of old, clotted blood on the breeze. In silence, they followed Shiro, the bright white, black ringed tip of his tail flashing in the fog like a beacon, but one only apparent to those in the know. In a shady little dell, under the close packed trees, he pointed them out; rank and foul, his mistress¡¯ prey¡­ As they got closer, the three humans split up, Amy with her familiar, while Maya and Dannyl spread out to close off any escape. A bright green, glass bottle appeared in Maya¡¯s hand, sealed with wax, inscribed with tiny runes of durability and unbreakability. With her thumbnail she scratched through the marks, her Will cutting the spellwrought charms neatly. A moment later, the suddenly very fragile glass bottle smashed to flinders among the trees, releasing a cloud of spore wasps; a stinging tree fungus monster that even hardened Adventurers gave a wide berth, when they could. ¡°You die, Redcaps! We¡¯re the Ward clan!¡± Amy shouted in rage, as she fell on the little shitbags with terrible fury. ¡°Screw you, assholes!¡± The roar of Dannyl¡¯s whip drowned out most of the fight, except for the screams¡­ those rang out loud and high, but not for very long. # Benny bashed the last gnomish cannibal cultist flat with his bronze headed warclub, splattering the little bastard¡¯s final thoughts of bloody meat, all over the thirsty soil, where they wouldn¡¯t trouble anyone. The creature¡¯s rusty, blackened cleaver fell to the ground with a dull clank, shortly before the rest of the wretch did, well most of him¡­ A good chunk of scalp and skull was hung on a gorse bush, a situation Benny was profoundly unbothered by. ¡°If this shitbird goes to the next thing bald, that would be pleasing.¡± The big man mused, as he tipped the corpse off the cliff edge, to become a part of the landscape far below. The faint splatting crunch was satisfying, when it drifted up from the mist shrouded gulf. The wretched cleaver and tiny, spiked iron shoes he picked up with a forked stick and a flat sheet of pine bark and brought back to camp for disposal. ¡°Anybody get cut? Even a scratch is a problem with these turds.¡± Frankie called to the returning warriors. He had a bandage around his forearm where he¡¯d been bitten by a screaming, deranged little woman wearing only her red cap and a string of¡­ trophies around her neck. ¡°The berserkers are the worst¡­¡± Wilf rumbled in agreement. ¡°Those trophies were exactly what you thought; poor sods, whoever they were.¡± ¡°Cocks?¡± Maya asked, as she wiped something that looked like brains from her long, deadly, iron flute. ¡°I found one with a bull¡¯s sack full of gnards¡­ They were salted and sugared¡­¡± She shuddered all over at the memory. ¡°That¡¯s him, stubbornly clogging a fingerhole, still a rancid little shit.¡± She poked the stray bit of brain out with her cleaning brush and gave the instrument an experimental tootle-oo up the scale. Frankie couldn¡¯t resist answering with his own far less combative instrument. Soon, a post battle jam sesh started, easing the group¡¯s jangled nerves with sweet, summer jazz. ¡°There were about sixty of them¡­ we got the leaders and seized their ¡®sacred¡¯ bag-o-balls, so that should be that.¡± Count Liam muttered in the main tent, weighing the hefty ballsack in his hand with distaste. He tossed the grisly thing into one of his familiar¡¯s gaping flower maws and smiled when she snapped it up. Sending those remains back into the world through her root system had a dignity all its own¡­ and holding rites for a bag of mixed nuts seemed just weird. ¡°I¡¯ll send word to step up the local patrols¡­ Your younger brothers will probably sign up for that.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, they¡¯re ready and eager¡­ But finding a supervising journeyman and a healer who can both keep up and keep them in line is going to be tricky.¡± Ivy muttered crossly. ¡°They don¡¯t listen to me, the way you kids do¡­¡± Dannyl said to Amy, with a patronizing smile designed to provoke her. ¡°Get bent, Danny¡­ We¡¯re rebels now!¡± She sneered, before kissing his cheek and scooting off to bed. ¡°We have a long day of trouble making and not following directions in front of us, need our rest!¡± She yawned hugely and sealed her tent, while Shiro stalked out of the firelight on his own mission. ¡°Team Ragamuffin!¡± Six young voices all sang out from their bedrolls. ¡°Wait¡­ how did I end up on watch?¡± Count Liam asked Audrey, who was busily finishing off her pile of fresh deadcaps. They smelled even worse than when they were alive, but they were much easier to eat without all the struggling and pitiful screaming. She burped and vomited up a small crusty, rusty iron knife that had been missed in the search of the corpses. The giant snapdragon shrugged her very expressive plant shoulders at him; before she snuggled down in a patch of soil and went to sleep¡­ Those things were so filling. Songbirds and the whisper of the morning breeze among the pines woke the sleepy band of Adventurers. They rose to the welcome scents of coffee, beans, biscuits and bacon. ¡°Mmm, whistlefruit, wadding and lick¡­ just like old Mickkel used to make¡­¡± Dannyl murmured happily. ¡°Takes me back.¡± Sweet pinto beans, slow cooked overnight in a brown sugar and tomato sauce poured silkily over fluffy white biscuits, steaming from the camp oven. He topped that with a thick stream of black molasses, drenching the mess and smelling divine. Strips of crispy wallowbear bacon finished off a feast fit for any wandering Adventurer with miles to travel before finding a bed and a wide open sky above him to dilute his farts. The ginger giant staggered out of his massive pavilion and stretched as though he might actually reach the sun in the sky, while yawning wide enough to catch low flying birds. ¡°Mmm, smells good, where¡¯s Ivy?¡± He asked warmly, searching the camp for his tiny wife. ¡°Gross, there¡¯s a chunk of¡­something in that bush¡­ is that the top of a skull?¡± Ivy demanded, when she stepped out of the shrubs, re-buckling her armored trews. ¡°Yeah, it didn¡¯t seem worth the effort last night.¡± Benny apologized weakly. Even as he was speaking, a long, slender green tendril of thorny plant matter slipped behind the cranky mage and snatched up the morsel; carrying it away to one of Audrey¡¯s many, hungry mouths. It rooted around in the soil under the bush for a moment, stealing away something of Ivy¡¯s that everyone pretended to not notice. ¡°We have our porta pottie¡­¡± Amy complained at her auntie, sounding a little sulky. She pointed at the discreet pop up shelter on the edge of the camp, her face screwed up in mild annoyance. Inside was a simple seat, placed over a hole dug in the earth, holding a clot of the family¡¯s special fungal mycelium blend. It was dryad and ent approved for sanitary, healthy wildland waste disposal. ¡°Kiddo, the only thing worse than a cold, camp shitter seat, is a warm, camp shitter seat.¡± Ivy declared firmly. ¡°I have standards.¡± # A couple miles up the wide, flat mining road they¡¯d been following, the team took a game trail that was rutted, bumpy, rocky and narrow; Wilf and Amy couldn¡¯t be happier. Maya kept up, since that was her role, but Benny and the rest were having a better time at their slower, less bone jarring pace. They followed that old abandoned wagon trail, nearly obliterated by time and weather and completely overgrown in places for a few bumpy miles. The lead team chopped, cleared and cut the way through, while the tail team left blazes, erected trail markers and double checked for missed threats, like sharp sapling stumps hidden in innocuous seeming bushes. Wilf and Tallum spent an hour after lunch, bridging a narrow gully with a rocky, rushing stream a few yards below. Their primitive construct of green timbers and scavenged dead wood would rot away in a year or two, but that was a ¡®later¡¯ problem. They had a right now issue, just a half mile later. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Wilf rolled around a bend in what had been a very well preserved section of road and came within a few yards of crashing into a massive granite boulder, inconveniently blocking the entire route and slowly, ever so slowly chewing its way through the road bed, headed for the crumbling edge. It was a question of when, not if the embankment carrying the road would collapse and take the tremendous stone on a journey to the valley floor so very, very far below¡­ The plunge into the valley of battling bugs was long and terrifying, so no one was interested in climbing the unstable thing. Likewise, no one wanted to try and slip behind it, since there was no telling how much of the hillside would be joining the boulder on its final leap. Dannyl sighed fondly, when the kids fantasized about dropping the boulder on the buggles down below¡­ but the chances of nailing one or better yet, both of the things presented fantastically slim odds at best. ¡°Let¡¯s clear the road and let what happens, happens¡­¡± Tallum rumbled, as she stepped up to the boulder. Bigger than a small house and roughly egg shaped; it leaned against the hillside on a precarious angle, perched on a pile of broken stone that lay under the road¡¯s baked clay surface. The red haired giant eyed the unstable mess from a safe distance, then scooted up the slope for a peek at what was happening from above. ¡°Super unstable. I have something for this, but I need Audrey¡¯s help¡­¡± Tallum rumbled, when he clambered back down the hillside. ¡°She might risk a few tendrils on the job.¡± ¡°She says that¡¯s fine, she has a lot of new¡­ Biomass, we¡¯ll call it¡­ to¡­ let¡¯s say, process.¡± Liam answered awkwardly. ¡°It¡¯s not cannibalism, she¡¯s a plant!¡± He argued with no one at all. Tallum passed his leafy, cheery snapdragon a burlap bag and a waterskin covered in brightly painted runes and glyphs. ¡°Just put that under the boulder, then dump the water on it¡­ Be sure to get out fast, it could happen really quickly. And please, don¡¯t lose the waterskin, it¡¯s my wife¡¯s.¡± Audrey nodded a flower head and took his offerings in her vibrant green tendrils. With surprising speed, the shoots slithered through the rocky wastelands and down below the boulder carrying the objects along in swift, unerring flight. The vines vanished among the lesser boulders and loose scree holding up the big honker and spent a few long seconds fiddling around. Her vines emerged from beneath the giant stone, just as it began to groan and teeter, accompanied by the sound of grating, breaking stones and a soft rushing roar. Lost among the moving stones and sharp edged rocks, Audrey¡¯s vines dragged, tossed and flung the empty waterskin between themselves. They passed it back and forth, as vines got pinched off, crushed, pinned or ground to paste in the slow building landslide, headed down the mountain. The battered, dusty sack landed on the road at Tallum¡¯s feet, stained with sap and plant juice. ¡°Ohh, sweety! I shouldn¡¯t have said¡­¡± The big man moaned piteously until Audrey hugged him and gave him a consoling pat. ¡°Her tendrils are like a human¡¯s hair, they get cut and just grow back, brother¡­ It¡¯s how she hunts and captures prey¡­¡± Count Liman murmured quietly. ¡°More importantly, what was that? Some alchemical explosive?¡± ¡°Gods no, that stuff¡¯s dangerous. That was a bag of Gary¡¯s garden soil, a skin of his bath water and a few shatterstone kudzu seeds.¡± The giant smith rumbled happily, since he was being mercilessly tickled by the snapdragon. ¡°The bath water was the tricky part. Gary made a haunted waterskin for this gag. He¡¯s nuts, but the results¡­¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ he¡¯s nuts all right.¡± Liam muttered thoughtfully. ¡°I need some of those seeds¡­¡± He watched the boulder and a few hundred tons of assorted hillside fall down the sheer granite slope and crash down in the ruined valley far, far below. The noise brought the two bug combatants back together from their neutral corners of the narrow vale they were battling over and resumed the conflict. Sadly, neither was pulped by the landslip and tumbling boulder. What was left of the road was hardly passable for a horse and rider and useless for any kind of cart¡­ For kids on bikes and a lord astride an all terrain snapdragon, it was more than enough. # The old mining road dropped down off the ridge and carried them over a few elevation changes, before ending at a sheer crevasse that cut back into the mountain a score of yards. A causeway had spanned the gap long ago, but it was long since rubble in the valley below. The remnants of a sad, tattered rope bridge sagged down against the far rock face, dangling from the old bridgehead masonry in a few rotten strands. ¡°This is where I free climbed the gap.¡± Dannyl murmured calmly, as though that act were anything but a terrifying cry for help. ¡°I left some anchors and marked the way, so this should be easy.¡± The Ward kids groaned and began shucking most of their armor pieces, while bikes got checked, double checked and neatly stowed away in the big lad¡¯s shadow. By the end, he was looking tired and in need of a break, so they set up for a slightly early camp on the wide stone shelf that footed the former causeway. A few weathered ruins snugged close against the mountainside suggested there had been some kind of semi-permanent camp here in the distant past, perhaps a mine office or toll station¡­ in any case there was too little left to say. Tallum and the boys nosed around in the rubble for a few minutes and the big man did find something of value¡­ An old ceramic mug with a black wolf emblazoned on it under a line of faded script that read: Property of the Iron Wolf Mining Cartel Return for deposit. ¡°I think this is going to be my new favorite coffee mug!¡± Ivy announced happily, holding her man¡¯s grand find up for general admiration. It only took a half hour of slow paced jackassery and goofing for Wilf to recover enough juice for the ritual. Soon, the whole gang was seated, shoulder to shoulder in a ring, holding their favored instruments, while the familiars watched over the little group. They began a slow, plaintive drum and guitar piece, thrumming, thudding and strumming slowly, like a slow building landslide. Amy¡¯s clear, strong voice rang out in crystalline, icy highs, while Wilf, Tallum and Benny rumbled along, way down low. Frankie and Maya took the lead, crooning the desperate, longing lyrics out on ragged, hopeful tones. Ooh, a storm is threatening My very life today¡­ If I don''t get some shelter Ooh yeah, I''m gonna fade away! The Rolling Stones were a little outside the kid¡¯s usual preferences, but it was too perfect to skip after the day they¡¯d had. Amy giggled a little when the song ended, leaning on Rio and Wilf, while Becky sighed wistfully at the stars. ¡°Feels kinda like old times¡­¡± Dannyl murmured to the little green moon, high overhead. ¡°While he was¡­ gone, sometimes I imagined he was standing right there¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, just out of sight around the next corner, waiting for me with that goofy grin.¡± Kermal sighed, patting his sword with fondness. ¡°That¡¯s your Contract Items¡­¡± Amy whispered into the sky, from the circle of close kin. ¡°They¡¯re probably a big part of what let the gods bring him back to us¡­ and the connection he has with Shai.¡± She laid back to gaze up into the endless void of jeweled stars and moons. ¡°Otherwise he¡¯d be scattered ¡®across the everything, everywhere and everywhen¡¯ That¡¯s what Shiro says, anyway.¡± The kitten murred and purred for a moment, nestling himself between her breasts with a satisfied little chitter. ¡°He says there¡¯s copies of him scattered around, building new lives for themselves on a whole bunch of worlds¡­ that¡¯s a weird thought.¡± Amy sighed softly at the Madman¡¯s moon. ¡°There¡¯s more debts owing, more than we can ever collect¡­¡± Wilf said with an unfamiliar note of cold, steely fury in his usually mellow and pleasant voice. ¡°Blood debts.¡± ¡°Enough maudlin musings, into the houses, I need a bed, a bath and a warm boy¡­¡± Ivy complained, while grabbing her husband around his massive arm to fulfill part of her prescription. She made a beeline for the baths, steaming merrily in the triangle formed by Wilf¡¯s, Rio¡¯s and Amy¡¯s places. Poor Frankie was too tapped out from the ride to call his home forth from the eternal never, where his cozy farmhouse hid. # Morning slipped in without warning in the narrow valley, high up on the cliffside. It was cold, foggy and dark, way later than even the veterans expected, when the sun finally touched the little cluster of cottages. In the clear light of mid to late morning the crevasse looked even less inviting. The flapjacks with butter and syrup Amy was dealing out held far more allure. Dark and seductive, sexy mistress coffee whispered that they should sit a while and consider the morning¡¯s beauty, before ruining it. Breakfast ran later than usual, even considering the late start, since no one wanted to hug those rocks, ¡®til the sun had warmed them a mite. Eventually the time had to come¡­ The kids dressed in their tight woven, snug fitting spidersilk arming suits, leaving only gauntlets, elbow, knee and head protection in place, they ditched the rest into Wilf¡¯s shadow for safekeeping. Climbing harnesses of flat braided spidersilk and forged bronze emerged from their shady storage boy and were buckled onto everyone except Audrey, quickly and efficiently. Open topped bags of chalk slung from their hips and rings, spikes, toggles, binders and pegs hung from their harsesses as they began carefully spidering their way across. It took a tense and awkward twenty minutes for the climb team of Dannyl, Maya, Amy and Rio to clamber over and back, stringing a spider silk rope ¡®bridge¡¯ over the gap for the party¡¯s non monkeys to ¡®safely¡¯ cross. The dreadful thing was one thick, braided line to walk across, strung with cross ropes to a pair of slender ¡®handholds¡¯ and a long, uninterrupted line across the top for ¡®safety¡¯. Each person had to clip into the upper line before making the otherwise suicidal crossing. Even so it felt more like a foolish dare, than a sensible means of crossing the gap. Tallum found the whole idea horrifying and absolutely insane. Only Ivy, who scampered across and began imperiously tapping her toes at him, could move the big man onto the slender, gossamer bridge. ¡°This is soooo ssstuuuupiiiiid!¡± He wailed as the bridge swayed, bucked, creaked and generally complained about how much the giant weighed. Once the gasping, pale giant was on the other side, Ivy clapped him on the back and grinned. ¡°You win the prize tonight, big guy¡­¡± ¡°Oh, great¡­ now go get Rio to push my ghost back inside¡­ I feel awful.¡± The giant slumped down to the road bed and wheezed for a while. ¡°Lunch?¡± Wilf asked eagerly. Rio looked a little embarrassed and shrugged at the count. ¡°We didn¡¯t get very far¡­¡± ¡°Son, my best wildland explorers said it would take four days to get this far¡­ carry on, kids.¡± Liam murmured happily from the cozy nest his familiar had coiled into, his pipe smoldering merrily. Dannyl, Maya and Benny checked their bikes out of Wilf and took off up the road, scouting ahead, while the rest got lunch underway. Far below, on the far side of the valley, where the mud, water and shattered trees had created a deep bog of churned filth, the monsters still raged at each other, the intruding boulder long forgotten. Tallum and Ivy sat on a boulder¡­ a stationary one, watching the seemingly diminutive bugs battle, huddled together in the cool mountain breeze. ¡°Gary has some poisons that would kill them pretty quickly, but he says it would be something called an ¡®ecological disaster downstream¡¯...¡± The big man mumbled. ¡°He¡¯s pretty serious that he won¡¯t use them.¡± ¡°What about siege engines? With him along, Liam and Shai could carry enough equipment to pound those things flat.¡± She whispered. ¡°Shai¡¯s adamant, he¡¯s not going into danger in his condition. Just being near a fight would kill him as he is.¡± The giant whispered. ¡°His gifts can¡¯t not touch our souls when we¡¯re in trouble; it¡¯s instinct; and that¡¯s what empties his Mana and Stamina. When his Animus slips outside his aura or tries to enter his shadow, he comes undone.¡± She sat and watched the insects for a while, considering the options until the scouts rode back... ¡°Well, shit. I¡¯ve got nothing, let¡¯s eat!¡± # The team traveled in close order on the barren mountain road, where it slipped into the near permanent shadow of the jagged peaks all around. Here, the path was cut into the barren stone backside of the mountain, a shallow crease across its ancient cheek, carved by man, but in many ways, reclaimed by the mountain. The surface looked sound, if a little uneven and steep, but on closer examination it was dangerously slick; coated with a gray-green mossy growth that was difficult to spot. ¡°That¡¯s a long way¡­¡± Wilf muttered, looking at the wrinkle in the mountain¡¯s backside. ¡°...down.¡± Anyone slipping down that slope would have a grand adventure for about two hundred yards of nearly glass smooth, gently sloping slab¡­ Until it debauched onto a sheer drop, into a field of broken, jagged stone, terribly far below. ¡°This is a little tricky.¡± Dannyl understated, as he smiled at the wide, slippery stretch. ¡°I climbed up the summit, out onto the bare rock up there, but that was¡­ chancey. I¡¯d not try it again solo, forget taking a group.¡± ¡°So how do we pass this?¡± Tallum asked, disliking the prospect intensely. ¡°That¡­ brother, is something I considered, when I was last here; before my trouser soiling, death defying and final return trip across that summit.¡± Dannyl cheered, as he pulled a long spool of spidersilk cord from his coat. ¡°Kermal¡­ would Sasha mind terribly flying this little leather tag over and dropping it through the anchor ring I drove in last time I was here?¡± He asked sweetly, as he rustled a bag of something in his palm. ¡°Then it¡¯s just a simple matter of flying back over with my tag to claim your prize.¡± ¡°Are you bribing my familiar, rather than just asking me?¡± Sir Kermal asked, feeling a strange sense of embarrassment and unease. ¡°That feels¡­ wait! Sasha! I wasn¡¯t done with you!¡± # Silent dusky wings flitted through the cool evening, her silken blindfold in place and her furry, feathery antennae standing out proudly. She was going to get those snacks! # Dannyl grinned like a massive asshole, as he slowly pulled a thicker cable through his anchor ring, following the slim thread Sasha had flown over and back so adroitly. The hero of the hour was perched upside down on a pine tree, savoring a nugget of crystalized monster bee honey, blithely disregarding her bonded companion¡¯s complaints. ¡°...other people shouldn¡¯t be able to just hire you to do things¡­¡± Kermal whined. ¡°...About my feelings, when you just fly away at someone else¡¯s command, for what? A few morsels of¡­ oh, that is very tasty¡­ yes¡¯ I¡¯d love one¡­¡± A few seconds later, Kermal came sulking up to the smiling ginger Adventurer, looking beyond sheepish. ¡°Do you have any more of those candies¡­?¡± He mumbled around a golden nugget in his mouth. ¡°For my familiar¡­!¡± # Save The Last Dance Ch: 2 Sailing Ether Tides Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Save The Last Dance: Ch: 2 The count¡¯s little white ocarina bird landed on Tawny¡¯s finger and sang her his song as the sun was just coming up over Foresthome. She penned a quick note and sighed with regret that she was forbidden from visiting her friends in this trying time. The countess had her duties to fulfill. ¡°I need lord Argent, please.¡± She murmured quietly to her husband¡¯s squire as she passed over her signed orders. Bradlee was a big, bluff orphan with a quick wit and a slow smile. He seemed dull at first glance, but he was a clever and canny lad. ¡°Should I dispatch someone to fetch master Khan from the orphanage? He and Luna are instructing the arms classes today.¡± ¡°No, Brad, send a runner for lord Douche¡¯... fetch Khan yourself, and bring the ducklings.¡± She announced with a smile. ¡°They will be taking over for the count¡¯s guard. Your band will be in charge of civil order, local patrols and minor monster interdiction until this matter is resolved. You will draw supplies and gear from the count¡¯s armory.¡± She nodded at the slip of paper in his hand and smiled. ¡°Off you go!¡± The young lad snapped a crisp salute and strode out standing taller than just a few moments before. ¡°We won¡¯t let you down.¡± An hour later, the count¡¯s own warriors rode out in small squads, vanishing into the trails on their assigned routes. None of Foresthome¡¯s precious genitals were going to land in one of those awful scrotal reliquaries, not if they could help it. # Otho the dog was enjoying his ¡®time off¡¯... The food was good, nobody yelled when he jumped into the bath with the humans and the horsies were fine company¡­ but his Ivy was off in the mountains without him and that felt weird. He spent too much time with his eyes closed, looking through her eyes, since her ears and nose were so weak. Eventually Otho sank deeper into her senses, finding the tight, controlled coil that was her emotions. He thrilled at the feelings she felt, when she looked at her big, silly human mate¡­ a flipped mirrored image of the feelings she held for him and he shared with her. Their bond, so close and snug, was so much like his with her¡­ he could feel the connection thrumming and singing with tension at being so far apart. It wasn¡¯t uncomfortable, but always reminded him where his mistress was and what she was feeling. He chuffed in doggie satisfaction, spread out on the lawn enjoying the sunshine. ¡°Oh, poor doggie¡­¡± Lindsey, the new girl cooed down at him. ¡°You must be sad that your mistress is away¡­ let me find a tasty bone for you.¡± He rolled over in the sunshine and pitifully contemplated the sorry state of his life, wondering if any dog had ever suffered more. The wide eyed, sorrowful gaze he blasted her with was way too much for the poor, fragile thing. She collapsed down beside him and started administering emergency belly rubs and blubbering over him; the proposed bone forgotten by both participants in the ridiculous farce. # ¡°I might have a streak of the thrill seeker in me¡­¡± Ivy called, in the middle of her dangerous transit of the slick slab of bare, slimy stone. ¡°I feel all warm and tummy rubby inside all the sudden.¡± ¡°Focus up, Ives!¡± Amy called, as she hauled on the safety line, dragging the woolgathering mage onto safe ground at last. ¡°That just leaves Tallum¡­¡± Becky murmured. ¡°We better get all hands on the lines for him¡­ he¡¯s a hefty one.¡± Wilf and Rio were putting on gloves of resin coated, waxed boarhide, with plenty of stiff bristles still in the palms, while Liam buckled on a wide kirtle with bronze rings sewn in to anchor the whole mess. He, in turn, would be anchored by Audrey, who had rooted herself firmly in a field of broken stones and was going nowhere. While they were arranging themselves, Tallum clipped himself in and shortened up his safety line ¡®til it was snug and taut. Then the giant pulled a big round shield off his back, jumped onto the disk of gleaming steel and rode the damned thing down the slope, sliding along the safety line with a huge smile on his face. He ended his heroic shield grind by plowing face first into a scruffy manzanita bush with a terrific crash. His shield skittered off and slid away, sailing into the valley far below like a majestic flying tea saucer. # ¡°Nice trick, goofus.¡± Ivy sassed her giant, when he finally extracted himself from his new friend; bushy, the flattened manzanita bush. ¡°Your shield¡¯s gone flying; lucky you didn¡¯t follow it, you great fool of a man.¡± She frumbled, which is mostly like grumbling, but with a giddy little tushy squeeze when nobody was looking, just to let him know that it was really sexy, too. ¡°Sorry, love.¡± He smugpologized, which is the apology you give, when one knows she was secretly turned on, just as one planned. ¡°Gross, you two.¡± Becky smileplained, which is when one smiles and complains at the same¡­ Never mind. # As late evening approached; which was around sixth bell among the peaks, the troop found a wide, flat clearing. Windswept, barren and less scenic than one would expect in such rugged mountains, but it was level and wide. The kids set up with an instrumental that was always welcome. ¡®Take Five¡¯ was a masterpiece of jazz, understated, energetic and elegant, all at once. Amy sighed as she thought of master Brubeck, the shade in thick rimmed spectacles who¡¯d always been so kind and instructive. To Amy, Wilf and Rio, these songs were old friends, remembered fondly from childhood and deeply missed. Once their playmates and instructors were the haunts and shadows of musical legends from another world; who would come to visit, through their papa¡¯s strange magic and gifts. Now the only haunts around were the shadows of mortal lives that flickered at the edges of her vision in daylight, but came close, seeking¡­ something, in the hours of darkness. She could almost hear their voices¡­ almost. Amy swept her hand through a persistent shade, disrupting it for a while. ¡°Lotsa ghosts around¡­¡± She called out to Rio. ¡°Let¡¯s perform a cleansing, If Dannyl can act like a proper Death cultist for once.¡± ¡°Hey, I can¡¯t change the climate. My lord¡¯s trees won¡¯t grow up this high.¡± He griped, from the bath. ¡°Well we¡¯ve gotta do something; this is surprisingly thick.¡± She complained, while Shiro twitched his tail in annoyance. ¡°Come sundown, Sasha can handle these.¡± Kermal said confidently, around a piece of monster honey rock candy. ¡°She¡¯s been blessed by the gods Ward and Camazotz; ghosties can¡¯t resist her lure.¡± ¡°Hey¡­¡± Dannyl complained weakly. ¡°I¡¯m a qualified lay minister¡­ I just need the proper conditions.¡± ¡°Yeah, whatever.¡± Becky sighed. ¡°You¡¯re just in the Death cult to impress girls. You were always better at making ghosts than banishing them.¡± ¡°I do have a certain murderous flair¡­¡± He smiled so smugly it hurt a little, even though he was in the baths and they only heard his voice over the hedge. ¡°Being in the Death cult impresses the boys too, Becks.¡± ¡°You¡¯re gross, Dan.¡± The petite blonde mage scoffed with a cheerful grin. ¡°I thought your kitty cat friend was some kind of spirit guide¡­¡± Ivy asked, petting Shiro under his chin, just the way he liked. ¡°Nope, he¡¯s a spirit of Good Fortune, Hospitality, Shadow, Light and Illusion. His cursed bell draws ghosts to him, that¡¯s all.¡± Amy sighed happily, as her little ball of fluff jumped back into her arms. ¡°Bedtime, we need to put down some miles tomorrow.¡± Becky called to the group. ¡°I¡¯ll take first watch with Amy.¡± ¡°Aww¡­ Ok, auntie.¡± She joined Becky, over by the garden gate where the road ran past. ¡°Can we go farther inside the house wards? There¡¯s a lot of ghosts out there and they keep trying to get my attention.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I wanted to talk to you about¡­ Ghosts, and Shiro¡­ and his true master.¡± Becky murmured quietly. ¡°We know so little about Shiro himself¡­ and even less of the mysterious Truck-Kun he serves in the greater ether, out between the mortal realms and in the endless void.¡± She whispered. ¡°Is that all?¡± The girl sighed happily. ¡°Ward explained a lot of this while I was Contracting him. Shiro¡¯s cursed bell calls lost, fragmentary and displaced souls to him, drawing them across the void and directly before his master, Truck-Kun, who serves the Devourer of souls.¡± She delivered those dire pronouncements through a sweet smile of childlike delight. ¡°Truck-Kun is the being who manages souls lost in transit between realms by accident¡­ and more rarely, by design.¡± She shrugged helplessly. ¡°He¡¯s not an actual truck¡­ that¡¯s just the only form Gary¡¯s culture recognized him in, so that¡¯s how he appears to us.¡± Amy smiled sadly and shook her head. ¡°They saw him as a runaway truck that would knock unsuspecting people into the next dimension, with my buddy Shiro sitting on the dashboard waving at them to get aboard or get out of the way.¡± Her smile became bittersweet. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡°Which is literally how my dad got here in the first place. He got hit by a truck and couldn¡¯t die properly.¡± ¡°You realize, there¡¯s like only a half dozen people on the planet who know what the hell a ¡®truck¡¯ even is. Our family is so weird.¡± Becky sighed, as she sagged against her little sister. ¡°Here comes Sasha¡­ Try to avoid looking into her eyes, or even worse, the eyes of her skull.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, that¡¯s pretty ookie.¡± Amy whispered. ¡°She¡¯s such a sweetheart though.¡± # Deeper darkness swirled and gathered, wherever the gigantic moth flew, her shadow fell on those clots of blacker than night, sweeping them into her wings and sprinkling a faint dusting of sparkling motes in her wake. Around and around she flew, spiraling outward; until she shot upward, aiming for the little green moon so high above. At the apex of her flight she began to spiral back down, shedding even more motes of sparkling dust that trailed off her wings, to float up into the vast, endless sky. The darkly beautiful display went on for a few long, silent minutes; a black snowstorm of tiny motes, drifting up to the moon high above. ¡°Don¡¯t tell Mariah, but right now, Sasha¡¯s the prettiest.¡± Amy whispered in gentle, open mouthed awe. # Dawn was cold and clear and the road waited, just over there. The team hit the trail and made good time over several miles of wagon track that looked perhaps a few years old; because there was not much life or soil on the barren granite slabs. After six long miles of smooth riding along a slowly rising grade, the trail dipped down into a tiny vale. Narrow, steep and rugged, the road continued on and vanished over a ridge and down into the monster battle. The peaks that ringed this high valley were the same jagged and barren granite spires, riven from the earth in some distant age to tower above the puny mortals scratching at their flanks. The valley floor was lush with verdure, tall sequoias on the bottomland and aspens, oaks and pines climbing the steep sides of the narrow, fertile rift in the earth. And it was fertile¡­ A splendid little river ran through, dumping out in a cheeky, misting waterfall that drifted over much of the monster haunted valley below. The headwaters of that delightful stream began with a splendid display of waterfall as well, showering over a few acres of shattered stones at the head of the little rift and floating over the vale in a fine, rainbow spray, carried by the winds. Birdsong and the rustling of wildlife sang a merry tune, while the wind whispered of ripe berries on the vine and deep, dark forest loam. ¡°Oh, This is very fine¡­¡± Liam whispered, awestruck and deeply pleased by this tiny, treasure box of untouched nature. ¡°You¡¯re in luck, my lord.¡± Dannyl sassed the smiling count. ¡°I suspect the dungeon to be in the next valley over and downslope a few hundred yards. Shall we declare this to be the lord¡¯s forest preserve? There are no outstanding deeds on record. I checked with the temple.¡± ¡°Yes, yes we shall.¡± He answered Dannyl¡¯s sass with haughty noble sincerity and a boyish smile. ¡°Make it so.¡± # The ¡®trail¡¯ Dannyl led them to as mid day passed was steep, steep enough that only a mountain goat would think it suitable as a travel route. They paused for lunch at the foot of the climb, near where the old cart track dipped down to join the main road. They ate lunch on the ridge, looking down on the bug battle still raging below. The once heavily forested slopes were devastated almost all the way around the lower reaches, where the pillbug had been rolled mindlessly along by the dung beetle, in its quest to find an exit from their shared prison. It was the dung beetle show right now, it had the pillbug rolled up tight and thundering up a likely looking granite slope that ended at a sheer cliff face. Pillbug bounced back, unfurled and scampered over the giant horned monster, trying to roll it up and get a bite at something tender. They watched the titans go at it for a while longer, before it was time to move again. All the extraneous gear got stowed away quickly and efficiently, along with every sign that the party had paused there. The kids were in their climbing gear again, helmets, knee and elbow guards and light weapons, just in case. Maya and Rio took the first leg, clambering up the rocky and jagged mountainside in a slow, steady manner. Twenty yards up, they paused to rig safety lines for the rest, as Amy and Wilf climbed up the ropes they dropped and took the lead. Soon, Frank and Benny were atop the ridge, helping the rest up and watching the other side for potential trouble. It took a full hour to get the entire team up. Audrey slithered up the rock face like a squirrel up a tree and joined them on the top in moments, while Liam was still climbing... ¡°Well, that¡¯s a little annoying¡­ and impressive.¡± He muttered, while clinging to a rock outcropping sixty feet above the ground. The ridge top was a surprise¡­ a wide, flat road ran along the entire valley, with a few notable gaps and collapses. The nearest of those rubble slopes led down to the floor of the rugged, jagged and far less inviting vale. There¡¯s our camp for the next few days¡­¡± Dannyl shouted over the wind on the peak. Just twenty yards down slope, a wide granite ledge jutted out; it was reasonably flat and sufficiently large, but presented few other amenities, beyond its craggy height and nearly unassailable, single access point. ¡°Home crag home¡­¡± Wilf muttered quietly, his words swept away by the wind. # Lindsey spent her last few days in a dream¡­ After the garden party, when she¡¯d awakened hand in hand with Barry in the hayloft, with just a kitty between them, she¡¯d thought she might burst¡­ or die and then burst. Her forensic training and physiology classes came to mind and she decided to stop thinking about dying and bursting. She fretted and squirmed with pent up words and emotions, since Becky and Maya were away on an Adventure¡­ an honest to goddess Adventure! Those thoughts and tangled feelings entangled her feet somehow, as the usually sure footed lass took a brief stumble on her morning run with Flash and the three triplets¡­ That was just one more oddity, like how she could not, not tell them apart with ease¡­ While others struggled to differentiate any of the boys, one from another, to her it couldn¡¯t be clearer. She tripped again, while still recovering from her absent mindedness, and realized too late, she¡¯d fallen into woolgathering¡­ and stumbled for a third and final time, while contemplating that problem. ¡®I really should focus up¡­ this is going to be so embarrassing¡­¡¯ were the only thoughts on her mind, as the world tipped on its side. She realized a moment later that she hadn¡¯t fallen down, because Barry and Flash had both moved to catch her¡­ and both succeeded; trapping her between the two, her body smooshed up against Barry, with only their wonderfully thin workout clothes between them. With gentle hands that were so very strong, he set her back on her feet and smiled. ¡°Let¡¯s walk a while¡­ the others can run ahead.¡± For a wonder, his brothers did just that, running ahead, rattling along in their weighted training gear, while Barry walked with her and Flash down the wide, tree lined River Road. ¡°Crazy few weeks¡­ huh?¡± He asked clumsily, blushing at his own inept and fumbling speech. ¡°Oh, I suppose so¡­ Is this abnormal in the Ward house?¡± She asked sweetly. ¡°I¡¯d really like to say no¡­¡± He mumbled and blushed even more. ¡°But we¡¯re pretty weird¡­ Sorry.¡± She stepped a little closer as they walked, the back of her hand brushing his, once, twice, then he took the bait and gently clasped his huge, warm hand around hers. With a deft finger waggle and a gentle tickle to the web of his thumb, their fingers interlaced perfectly. Just perfectly. They both got their heart rates up and increased their respiration rates, even on a gentle stroll down that dim, country lane. # ¡°I thought we were doing cardio and strength training today¡­¡± Larry whispered from his concealing bush. ¡°Change of plans, stealth training, woodland and semi urban stalking.¡± Harry announced crisply into his collar button and ear cuff. ¡°Maintain comms discipline.¡± ¡°Heard¡± Perry and Larry replied promptly. ¡°Targets found, two humans, one horse. Pitching woo¡­¡± Perry said a moment later. ¡°Confirmed for Woo, the pitch is weak, awfully weak.¡± Larry responded. ¡°That tracks with the intelligence we have on the subject: Dumb as a post. Back off, I¡¯m going in.¡± Harry took charge of the situation, slinking through old man Purdy¡¯s hickory coppice like a ghost. Not a single twig, nutshell or branch rattled or rustled as he passed. Two minutes later, he peered from a high hemlock bough, down onto his quarry. ¡°...It¡¯s¡­ a warm day¡­¡± Barry jabbered mindlessly, when silence would serve better. He shuffled his feet, wiped his sweaty palms on his trousers again and again as he generally became a loose pile of empty guts, while his brother watched, helpless. ¡°He¡¯s dying down there, does anybody have an angle?¡± # The sun shone down through the leaves, glinting off Lindsey¡¯s hair and making it gleam like polished amber¡­ Her soft, pale throat throbbed at her collar, he was standing close enough to the slim, beautiful girl to see the subtle pulse. The scent of her; freshly washed girl, warmed by a run in the sun, it tugged at something inside him that was both pleasant and a little scary¡­ He wanted¡­ Growing up in the Ward clan, he never really wanted anything. There wasn¡¯t much a boy could desire that he didn¡¯t have or couldn¡¯t make or help one of his kin make in the workshops of the compound. Never having really felt it before, the sensation struck him like a hammer blow, right in the giblets. Her every word and gesture mattered and he really wanted to know what was on her mind¡­ but his mouth was filled with a huge wad of stupid. # They hadn¡¯t really been alone since the night of the party, when she¡¯d spun and twirled just how Amy instructed her; to make her skirts swirl up just high enough for the briefest glimpse, then dipped and swayed to shimmy her plump darlings at him¡­ letting a scant bit of lace and her sweetly rounded curves show. She sighed at the memory of that moonlit night of fireworks, desire and dance¡­ Somewhere in this lump of clay was that boy¡­ she just needed to dig around to find him. ¡°Barry, would you show me that dance again?¡± She whispered, hoping for a miracle. ¡°Oh¡­ sure¡­¡± He stammered, seeming momentarily lost. ¡°I uhh, I actually have something¡­ uh¡­¡± He fumbled around behind himself, as though hiding something from her¡­ despite his garments lacking any serious pockets. Which was also odd, the boys never wore pouches and their pants seldom had pockets¡­ odd that. While she was considering that, he pulled something small and square out of¡­ somewhere and began to turn a knob on the side. He set a little wooden box on a tree stump and opened the lid with a soft click. A moment later sweet, tinkly music began to play from the device, a gentle waltz, the simple tune they¡¯d danced to first. ¡°It¡¯s a music box¡­ it¡¯ll play for about ten minutes.¡± With that, he took her hand and hip, suddenly he was that same sweet, confident boy; as if summoned by the tinny music and the melody he hummed as they danced. # ¡°Ok, abort mission, repeat abort, do not act¡­ maintain surveillance.¡± Harry murmured with satisfaction and a good measure of both surprise and respect for the sudden display of smarts Barry¡¯d delivered in the clutch. ¡°Harry, there¡¯s a problem.¡± Larry came in loud, too loud, it sounded like he was moving, and fast. ¡°Perry, I¡¯m approaching you fast down the northwest trail, I¡¯m being pursued.¡± # Larry had no desire to peek in on what he hoped would be, his brother¡¯s first kiss¡­ and maybe his first boob touch too¡­ Nice! That was why he was ¡®surveilling¡¯ the target from a mile up the trail, while harvesting a nice crop of fresh fiddlehead ferns and a ring of morel mushrooms. The snap of a twig behind him and a whiff of something rotten was all the warning he got, but it was enough. Larry launched himself into a forward roll, right through a patch of stinging nettles he¡¯d had his eye on for a salad; confidently brushing the tall plants aside, as he dashed over a stream. His would-be ambusher found the stinging nettles much less forgiving, as the filthy, gray skinned, naked humanoid let out a squealing cry of rage. ¡°I¡¯ve got a mountain goblin on my trail.¡± The sounds of pursuit multiplied as he ran, there were at least a dozen closing in, from the sound and occasional glimpses he got as he dashed over fallen logs and around giant trees. ¡°Make that a dozen¡­ I¡¯m coming in hot.¡± # Their dance ended abruptly when Barry put his hand to the tiny silver ornament he always wore in his ear, like all the others wore as well. The Wards did seem to like silver and seemed to not care much about the expense¡­- She snapped back into focus when he stepped out of her arms and kept talking while he worked briskly. ¡°...incoming and it¡¯s going to be a fight, we have help coming, but you should take Flash and run back to the inn...¡± Barry was saying in a crisp and businesslike manner, while he pulled weapons and armor out of nowhere at all. He laid out spears, swords, shields, javelins and clubs all around, scattering in neat circles across their peaceful meadow, all to the tune of the sweet, tinkling ¡®music box¡¯. A moment later he was strapping on breast and back plates, vambraces and gauntlets, right over his workout clothes. ¡°Wait, really, a fight?¡± Lindsey demanded, as her hand itched for and found a spear among the weapons he¡¯d neatly laid around, point to point in a circle on the grass. It was wide bladed and short hafted, hefty without being heavy and looked dangerously sharp. ¡°Yes, a fight; mountain goblins, at least one nest. They¡¯re chasing Larry this way.¡± Barry answered as he buckled a helmet on and took up a long sabre. He held a thumb thick rod of black iron in his other hand, mounted to a simple round handguard. ¡°You should run while you can.¡± Harry dropped from a tree while they spoke and began gathering his hear from the organized chaos. The two brothers checked their rigs, tightened each other¡¯s straps and nodded, while Perry sprinted up from the river side. He had his own armor half buckled on; where he¡¯d gotten it the gods above only knew. He barely slowed as he snatched a long warclub up from the weapon wheel. ¡°Is newgirl fighting?¡± Perry asked with interest while he stretched and warmed up. ¡°Newgirl is fighting.¡± Lindsey sassed him right back. ¡°I don¡¯t have any armor for you¡­¡± Barry mumbled. ¡°This was just a run¡­¡± ¡°Shush Barry. I¡¯ll be borrowing this pointy thing... What do you call them?¡± She batted her lashes at him sweetly, while she shook herself all over to loosen up. ¡°A spe-ar?¡± She asked haltingly, with a look of almost genuine wonder and confusion in her eyes, as the weapon did a few showy twirls and spins in her hands. The time for fun was over; the sounds of running feet were coming closer. # Shai raised her spoon hand, to cup to her earcuff in the kitchen, smearing a clot of strawberry jam on her face in the process. A moment later, she was ringing the alarm bell, rousing the house to war. The clamor and clangor of a house full of Adventurers stirring was nearly drowned out, as the bell¡¯s call repeated up the shore to the keep, even as the Ward¡¯s bell fell silent. The mistress of the house was out, riding her machine up the road faster than a galloping horse, her brothers and sisters following in good order, flying on wheels and hooves, just minutes later. # ¡°Well, fuck me.¡± Gary snarled, alone in the house save for Kree. He struggled to rise and grab his gear, even as the venom was slowly dragging him under. ¡°Sorry, my friend.¡± She whispered, while stinging him once more for good measure. ¡°Your princess commands you to sleep.¡± # Naked Lunch: Ch: 3 Sailing Ether Tides Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Naked Lunch: Ch: 3 Larry hurtled out of the bushes, covered in scratches, his clothes torn and muddy but otherwise intact. The glare of frustrated rage on his face became a menacing, eager grin as she skidded to a stop beside his brothers. Perry tossed the gasping, wheezing lad a scabbarded broadsword and grinned. ¡°Mountain gobs, they¡¯ve got endurance.¡± He gasped to Harry. ¡°Catch your breath.¡± Was all the youngest Ward had time to say before a swarm of gangly, child sized, ravenous idiots came boiling out of the underbrush. # Grulach had come up lucky-lucky¡­ He found a lone and unarmed human wandering in the woods, just down from their nifty new lair. They had a few sheep bones and hides strewn about the cave, but this human¡¯s scalp would really tie the whole cavern together! Thoughts of interior decorating were foremost on his mind, since they¡¯d stumbled on those tasty sheep, right after stumbling out of their old mountain lair. That started him thinking about meat¡­ He still had a squishy chunk of kidney stashed under a rock that was just ripening to where he liked it. Grulach let out a silent, tasty belch to make more room in his belly for meat, as he reached out a ragged clawed hand for the human¡¯s mop of unruly hair¡­ While he was thinking on the old meat, the new meat tried to scamper away, with that scalp he had his eye on too! The wily meat leapt into motion, as they do¡­ and dashed through the weeds with the diminutive monster in hot pursuit. The stinging, burning lashes of fire that crisscrossed Grulach¡¯s naked body flailed at his tenders most of all; drawing a mighty battlecry from the clan¡¯s top hunter. He heard his meat brothers crashing through the woods, coming to chase his prey in the grand tradition of their clan. # Duchess Tawny watched the inn empty, as the remaining guests and warriors hit the road on any mount they could find, including a few shaky and highly inconsistent attempts at mastering the strange ¡®bikes¡¯ the Wards loved so. The eager few who chanced those two wheeled devices for the first time, found them tricksey and unreliable under novice riders, like an untrained horse. She smiled as her husband¡¯s sworn warriors streamed out of the keep, breaking off into two platoons and vanishing on horseback, into the trails they knew so well. Her own ducklings marched out, afoot and armored in the count¡¯s own colors of deep chocolate brown and bright, golden bronze. Their banner waved bravely in the sun, a cerulean blue field bearing a cheeky yellow ¡®rubber duckie¡¯ with a bright orange bill boldly emblazoned in colorful silk, the work of their lady¡¯s own hand. The main force of fifteen marched down the main street of town, while two teams of six split off down side streets to carry the warning and evacuate the vulnerable. # Barry¡¯s hastily thrown javelin skewered the lead gobbo through his belly, folding the wretch in half on the ground, as six more vaulted from the brush, wielding tree branch clubs, stone headed axes and pointed sticks. Their bare, jiggly cocks and balls waved in the wind, as they leapt into battle wildly eager for blood and flesh. Perry teed off on the second one with his warclub, catching the eager little guy right across the teeth. Four pounds of bronze studded ironwood with a solid copper bar running through the core of the weapon, erased the goblins head above the jawline¡­ He was no great looker before, but nothing was not an improvement in his appearance. The way his heels drummed on the turf was pretty alarming, and went on for a while, but Perry was busy burying his bronze knobbed club in the belly of another little wretch. While he was folding in half nicely, Perry ripped his warclub free in a vicious slash that brutally disemboweled the creature with the jagged bronze knobs along its length. The club flashed down on the back of its skull, ending his dreams of stewpots full of human meat. The horrid little monsters¡¯ genitals were absurdly large for such small scrawny beings, almost grotesquely so. When Harry kicked one in the bits, his lightly armored boot pulped the tender organs, sending the thing into a mad, berserker rage. With redoubled fury he leapt; bloody, battered crotch leading the way, lunging his grisly, ruined tackle at the lad¡¯s face. The murderous dickwaving only ended when he brought a hatchet down on the shrieking, clawing ball of fury, spilling his brains onto the soil. Harry¡¯s attacker¡¯s wailing shrieks cut off quickly, but the sound sent the rest madly leaping to the attack with even more deranged fury and bloodlust. Worse yet, they began to get¡­ aroused. # The only girl found herself very popular among the rapacious little cannibal creeps, they were constantly trying to slip past the boys and get at her and Flash, who had blood on his hooves and scattering of wrecked goblins around him, where he was watching Lindsey¡¯s back¡­ She watched her own front with that spear she¡¯d ¡®borrowed¡¯, and was not going to be giving back! The wide, leaf shaped bronze blade was wickedly sharp, whether slashing, cutting or hewing. Stabbing was a fool¡¯s move with little turds like these, they clutched at spears and swords even after they died; making them a clinging nightmare for those using more conventional spear methods. Instead she used the wide, hefty blade to carve bloody streaks in them, before smashing them down with the iron ball mounted on the reverse end of her formidable weapon. The boys slowly closed around her in a loose ring forming up in the classic ¡®protect the girl¡¯ formation that was a goblin fighting standard. They would risk anything, no matter how foolhardy, for a chance to rush the pretty girl in the center of the fight; despite her blood drenched spear and eager, hungry eyes. They kept the net loose enough to tempt the deranged little shits into foolish acts, but snug enough that only crippled, dead, or dying gobbs got through. Occasionally Lindsey would give a sharp whistle to Flash, who would open the formation enough to draw a rush of the filthy buggers from the woods, where more lingered, trying to gather their courage. She met them with her flashing spear, as Barry and the boys closed in behind her, turning their defensive formation into a brief, aggressive push into the enemy, with an irresistible lure at the point. On Harry¡¯s signal they would reform, pulling back from the fresh, red ruins laid out on the long abandoned pasture, far from anything. A pack of twenty gobbs huddled behind a low, stone wall that had crumbled over the ages, providing scant protection from the javelins that would fly from the humans occasionally. The weapons would strike hard, whether in goblin flesh, against trees, or the stone wall. Invariably, when an enterprising gobbo picked up a spent weapon, or wrenched one from a fallen ally¡¯s belly, the spear was shattered, ending in a splintered mess. Harry grabbed another Wardco Adventureworks product, the One Hit Kill¡¯em, No throw Backs Pilum? and hurled it into a gobb who¡¯d climbed a tree to throw rocks and sticks at them. He fell down onto a friend of his, ending his dreams too. Larry¡¯s broadsword finished both with a single thrust, before clashing with a long, stone tipped spear. He whipped his blade in a deft circle around the longer weapon, confusing the spear-gobb for a moment with the flashy, distracting display. When the goblin crafted rawhide and sinew lashings parted and the shard of jagged flint that tipped his stick fell away, it was already too late. He staggered back missing his right forearm and half of his face, before his spearpoint hit the ground. # On Goblin physiology, anatomy and sociology By Lady Trelawney Helene Belen-Kinnis Excerpts from the field notes of an Adventurer ¡­It is often jested in crude fireside talks among those who know; that goblins have two hearts. The common joke being that they have one for their bodies and one for their¡­ genitals, but not enough blood or brains to run either. This is almost accurate. The humble gobblin does, in fact, have two hearts. It also possesses a secondary blood supply, loaded with sexual hormones and potent energies, all stored up and magically sealed until rutting season, in the creature¡¯s genitals. Only the presence of a female in estrus can release these potent reproductive reserves in their native planes. In their natural environment, the scarcity of goblin females controls their population; since duels between males are invariably fatal, often to all the participants and can utterly wipe out the breeding population of these highly aggressive, sentient beings, before creating the next generation. When goblins appear on this world, females are never present, resulting in dangerous levels of engorgement and violent, sociopathic behaviors that somehow lead to functional tribes of deranged, cannibalistic monsters. The brief flashes of sentience they display are invariably directed towards eating, or violently molesting any living being they encounter. Cunning and vicious, they become suicidally aggressive if one of their number suffers genital trauma, this can trigger a breeding frenzy. With at least forty of the horrid creatures dead or downed on the once tranquil meadow, the enemy seemed to be considering their options. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. They were starting to calm down and act like little terrors, rather than frenzied fools, slowly forming up into small groups behind spear and long stick armed gobbos, with flint knives and ragged claws waiting to pounce on any opening. Stones and sharp sticks began to rain down on the human kids, doing no damage, but covering for the increasingly organized little mobs¡¯ withdrawal, when they tested the kid¡¯s defenses with short lived, screaming feints at their formation. More than a few of the probing attacks pulled back bloody, as hurled javelins and thrown darts dismayed the enemy, without supplying them with weapons. Twenty of the turds were lurking behind the stone walls that lined the road, too¡­ out of range and waiting for them to break for the town, just a few miles away. They were clearly hoping to pounce on the kids as they passed through the jumbled stone gate and a few piles of fallen masonry or keep them penned in until the goblins could swarm the exhausted defenders. # ¡®Goblin tactics were stupid, but when you have the numbers¡­¡¯ Krulguth the mountain troll reflected calmly, as his band of two hundred morons slowly got their crap together. He had a nice view from his roost in a high sequoia tree, looking down on the battle with disappointment. The girl would be highly entertaining, if he could snatch her away before his minions defiled her too thoroughly; that would take timing. Her horse looked tasty too, he hadn¡®t had horse in so long¡­ a slow, hungry rumble ran through his guts, as another four of his pawns fell. Even if the humans escaped, they would eat well tonight¡­ but he wanted that girl and her horse. The need of it made his ears ring, almost like faint, ringing bells. # Faint, chiming bells sang out from the hills and woodlands that hid Foresthome, still miles away. Bells that seemed to sing a warlike melody of sweetly jingling bloodlust and martial fury. Harry¡¯s sharp, piercing whistle cut the sky, as if calling out for aid from those softly singing bells. ¡°All right, let¡¯s dig in, we have backup.¡± Perry called, while flinging a javelin at something that moved in a redwood tree, near the edge of the battle. He grinned in satisfaction at the bestial shriek and the sound of a body falling very far to the ground. Lindsey stabbed a stumbling, bloodied goblin low in the guts, before flinging him aside as though she were wielding a manure fork in the stable, pitching him and his slippery, entangling entrails into his friends. The iron ball of her spear smashed into the engorged tackle of another murder munchkin, setting off another frenzied, aroused attack, just as those sweet, chiming bells descended on the gate guard gobbos in a whirling, flashing storm of shining blades and musical notes. # The sounds of hooves and voices raised in cries of war shook the ¡®formation¡¯ of wretched creatures, as they closed in from three directions¡­ Three directions not already occupied by the stubborn meat that still refused to lie down and take it! As one being, they tried to disengage, when cowardice and what few glimmers of intelligence they possessed came to an agreement; just as that awful shivering cry split the air, again. Wild eyed and once more in it to win it, the flagging gobbos got their second wind and swept back in as a single mass, swarming over the abandoned field at the kids. Harry and Perry pulled cords from apple sized balls of clay in their hands and threw them at the massed gobbs, falling sadly short as they bounced to a stop a few yards in front of the leaders. Two WardCo AdventureWorks Habanero Hotfoot? flare grenades sizzled and sputtered for a scant second, before a cloud of choking smoke erupted from a whistling jet of brilliant red flame. The spicy smoke and bright flare of the grenades as they discharged their noxious fumes among the foes disoriented and discouraged, without being toxic to friendlies... A moment after the reddish brown smoke and a steady hissing red flame erupted from the little orbs, it engulfed the naked wretches in stinging, itching, chili pepper smoke. When a band of the count¡¯s armsmen leapt the low pasture wall into the cloud, they staggered back out a moment later. Their rasping, wheezing coughs said they weren¡¯t out of the fight, but would need a minute to recover. At the gate, Their tall red haired fury of a mother was reaping the gobbs with ferocious cries and fashing steel, while the Adventure irregulars from the inn were still riding, and in some cases running, up the road. Backed up to an overgrown thicket of hawthorn and pressed by nearly seventy five desperate, enraged and tumescent goblins, Harry made a snap decision. ¡°Perry and Larry, take the front, Barry, right side, Flash and Lindsey, in the middle, no complaints. We¡¯re breaking out. They¡¯ll swarm us if we don¡¯t.¡± With their mother and the Adventurers on the road side, the count¡¯s men south and north, they were the weak wall of the box, and already exhausted, bloody and running low on tricks. ¡°Form up and give it everything you have, Flash stay close. Lindsey, stay closer.¡± Harry¡¯s voice crackled with decisive authority, denying the possibility of disobedience. When his team formed up, Harry sighed softly. ¡°Why is the horse in the middle?¡± ¡°He¡¯s just a baby and I have a spear.¡± She answered succinctly. ¡°Let¡¯s move before they finish throwing up on each other and choking.¡± The kids were just squaring up for their desperate rush through the press of miniature marauders when something attacked the count¡¯s warband, who were just recovering from their smoke bomb misadventure. A long limbed, gangly, mockery of the humanoid form leapt from the trees, bashing one of the light armored warriors aside and raking its claws across the breastplate of another in a blinding fast assault. ¡°Troll!¡± Shouted the leader of the count¡¯s men, as they fell back with their wounded, toward their whinnying and fretful mounts. It bounded into the throng of gobbs, bowling some over and stepping on others, as it rushed for the five kids and the horse. The Adventurers at the gate redoubled their efforts to root out the gobbos hiding among the stones, who were flinging rocks and attacking with wild fury from their concealed nooks, while the wild dervish of bells and steel swept onto the field followed by the Sparrowhawks hot on her heels, whooping their warcries. Their giant, heavy fighter, Rootedbear swept his enormous club through the swarm, battering the diminutive dickweeds aside, as he pounded down the turf behind the fast moving, red haired storm that was Shai. Runningtree and Blackoak used spears to dissuade the survivors in the wake of those two terrors, while Windwillow and Larksong stayed close, launching arrows and hurling short, heavy, wickedly barbed javelins at the foes, from behind their massive bulwark. Evard, the only duchy native in their troupe, wielded two short axes with devastating efficiency at the tail of their group, cleaning up any stragglers, keeping things neat and tidy. They followed Shai¡¯s swathe of severed limbs, bleeding and dead gobbos straight for the troll, who seemed to be trying to rally his troops for an attack on the tight knot of kids. The tribals and their red demon swordswoman scattered the gobs, when they hit the crowd; while Shai used her momentum to push straight through, directly at the huge, long limbed creature lurking among the smaller filth. She swam through the crowd, like a dangerous predator among lesser creatures, they scurried and fled when they could and fought like cornered rats when they couldn¡¯t. She left first one of her swords, then another in fallen goblins. The shorter blade, wedged in a collapsed gobbo¡¯s spine; the longer, entangled in a skewered little runt who¡¯d gripped her hilt, even while he died, forcing her to abandon the weapon. ¡°Tangle up the gobbs, brothers an sisters, I hae the troll¡­¡± She shouted over the melee, holding the empty guard of a snapped off sword as her only weapon. With a sudden, hissing rush, a long, curved tongue of flame leapt from her empty hilt, blasting the local area with the heat of a blazing forge, or the fiery sun, itself¡­ The Sun Sword, enchanted weapon, sword class. Spiritual enchantment. Rarity, unique. Rank, Copper. Elemental affinities: Fire, Air, Light. Effect, Blazing Sword: Wielder may call forth a blade of intense heat and fire for a high mana cost per second. Blade is partially substantial and capable of striking immaterial entities and objects. *Warning* Wielder receives no special protections against heat, flame or fire effects, including those of this weapon. *Warning* *Ookla, Ariel, Ride!* The goblins screamed in renewed terror at the raging inferno in the woman¡¯s hand, while she stalked the troll through his terrified minions. A troupe of the count¡¯s own light cavalry finally pelted onto the field, as the Adventurers rooted out the last resistance at the gate, turning the tide. The horsemen¡¯s tight formation swept around and brushed by the tight knot of kids, taking a large number of tiny, screaming cannibals along for the ride. Two of the knights leapt from the saddle and joined the kids bolstering them with two fresh, fully armored combatants. ¡°Auntie Herlick, sir Bannock?¡± Harry cheered merrily at the two warriors. ¡°Thanks for the assist!¡± ¡°Small talk later, Let¡¯s link up with the Sparrowhawks.¡± Herlick grumbled, the bluff, earthy woman was a veteran and seldom chatty on the job. Tall sir Bannock stalked the battlefield in silence, their sword flickering like moonlight on a pond; deceptive, quick and keen. At the center of it all, Shai prowled around a wide, open space, hemmed in by battling allies and foes, as her prey sought escape. The summer grasses crisped and smoldered around her and the blazing lash of flame she held. Her feet moved constantly, forming intricate little dance steps, as she moved through the scattered corpses and mangled remains. Always in motion, she surged forward at unpredictable moments, while slipping to the side to evade, when she wanted to steal his momentum. She never retreated, never hesitated, never rushed, just a steady, workmanlike effort, her flaming brand blinding and terrifying the creature before it even touched his flesh. In a desperate ploy, it scooped two terrified gobbos up in its claws and hurled the screaming pricks at her. Her flaming blade lashed out as she sprinted at the fleeing beast, slashing one of his flying minions in half. # All thoughts of girls and horseflesh were forgotten as the flaming, demonic terror pursued Krulguth, through his minions and away from the girl and the horses. Her terrible blade screamed at his senses and loosened his bowels, just from sight of the awful thing. He flung a pair of his warriors at her and turned to make his escape, when pain erupted in his leg. He leapt away, skittering over the rock wall and into the forest, a trail of steam, smoke and blood drifting behind him as he fled, on two arms and one and a half legs. # Shai looked down at her miserable, scaly, warty trophy and smiled, even though it was still moist, shit streaked and reeked of the thing¡¯s foul discharge. ¡°Aye, an ye leave me a bit o¡¯ yer self, I¡¯ll be having the rest, on me own time¡­¡± She snarled at the vanished creature. A split second later, her brand of flame vanished, as she became a concerned parent, whose kids had been in peril. Had been in peril, now it was a clean up operation. She descended on the kids just as fiercely as she¡¯d attacked the goblins. This time she wielded hugs and constant inquiries as to their health. Lindsey and Flash got mothered just and savagely, leaving them both even more exhausted. Warriors were still running up to the largely pacified battlefield, from the inn down the road. The unlucky few who had not managed to secure a mount got a bit of good natured ribbing from the others, as they fell to stacking corpses. ¡°We¡¯ll come collect the bodies, an bill the duchy fer it, gentlemen¡­ tis a standing contract fer disposal.¡± Shai called to the laboring warriors. ¡°We¡¯ll hae the cleaning o¡¯ this mess.¡± Her brogue was thick enough to mortar a wall, that meant she was super unhappy and had no target for her ire¡­ Harry and Larry went to recover her swords from the mayhem, while Perry, Barry and Lindsey confronted the shuddering, heaving woman, standing over a troll¡¯s severed foot and glaring at it with a terrible rage in her eyes. ¡°Ye kids are all well¡­¡± She sighed softly. ¡°We finish this bloodletting another day, I¡¯ll be wi me husband when he wakes frae this trial.¡± No one was certain whether she was taking to the noisome foot, or the kids and no one was brave enough to ask. # Such battles began and ended without warning or logic, or perhaps by a logic or order of their own. This one ended with a small group of battered kids limping their tired way home; as the count¡¯s warriors swept the woods for signs of more trouble... # Krulguth limped back to his cavern alone¡­ he only had a couple gobs stashed in his larder and they weren¡¯t ripe enough yet¡­ and his acursed leg refused to grow back, the touch of flame denying him relief from the pain of not being whole¡­ just as the metal thorn the human boy had hurled into his belly was a constant ache, churning in his guts. He rubbed the closed over scar and felt the javelin head and the splintered jagged shaft under his hide. That was going to be troublesome. He hadn¡¯t seen the last of those humans¡­ And whatever that red haired terror was # It was a long walk back to the inn, with bloody hands and faces, shredded, filthy clothes and a profusion of cuts, scratches, minor wounds and slight injuries. Lindey had a cut on her forearm from a jagged flint spearhead. Harry sported a black eye and a bite mark on his neck, while Perry and Larry both came out largely unscathed. Barry has a nasty gash on his thigh, where a stone headed axe grazed him. The jagged tear in his flesh was glued closed with violet gunk and bandaged, but had broken open and was bleeding a slow trickle down his leg by the time they got home. The exhausted boys splashed down in the public bath, leaving Barry to Shai, who needed someone to fret over; since Gary was still dead to the world with a smile of his drooling, unconscious face on the couch in the common room. Lindsey splashed down in the private bath, soaking her aches and stress away, with flash curled up on the lawn under a flowering magnolia. Alone in the pool, she hid in the steam by the waterfall and sobbed through a huge, snotty mess of feelings and endorphins, letting the day¡¯s struggles drift away on the bath water. A soft sound brought her back from her cathartic release of emotions; the sound of someone entering the pool. She peeked out from behind the waterfall and sighed when she saw it was Shai. She emerged from hiding and smiled at her horsetess, a charming conceit that made Lindsey giggle every time. ¡°Good evening, lass¡­ I hae some precious things tae wash up an tend, dinnae mind these floating treasures of mine. We kin speak, if ye would.¡± Barry and his father were both floating there, face up and seeming unconscious. ¡°Barry be on the duskmoon. He hae lost some blood and needs sleep. Me poor Gary be¡­ asleep, an will remain so fer some time.¡± She smiled a sad, hopeful grin at the young woman in the bath with her son and husband. ¡°We will both watch o¡¯er them, as is proper.¡± ¡°Uh, Mom¡­¡± Perry¡¯s voice drifted over the hedge separating the private baths. ¡°We missed lunch¡­ Do we have anything?¡± ¡°Aye, I hae just about finished dinner when yer call went up.¡± She answered softly, though nothing could wake the two sleeping boys they were looking after. ¡°Tis¡¯ beans an¡¯ franks, lad¡­¡± The voices of her three conscious sons murmured from afar. ¡°Pass¡­¡± # Hi, Planes Drifter… Ch: 4 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Hi, Planes Drifter¡­ Ch: 4 Above the rocky, sparsely forested and scrub strewn, narrow gouge in the mountains, A homey little hamlet of four cottages sat, secure behind a tall, thorny hedge wall and a sturdy gate at the only path onto their formerly barren shelf. A small patch of lawn and garden surrounded a steaming and incongruous hotspring pool. A narrow channel of runoff dropped over the precipice into the void and vanished in sparkling, pretty motes of faint, almost visible, almost lights as it sprayed out over the shitty, barren valley. Amy and Tallum were in the kitchen of Rio¡¯s cottage, making dinner for the company, when Liam¡¯s chubby songbird ocarina flew in and landed on his shoulder, over by the flower beds. They watched through the windows, as the cute little construct sang its song to the young count. His handsome, chiseled face became stony and hard, as he took in the news. He strolled into the spacious, high ceilinged living room where the rest of the troupe was gathered around the fireplace, sipping tea. ¡°Trouble at home. A tribe of goblins, led by a mountain troll attacked your brothers on their morning run. Everyone¡¯s fine, but an unknown number of gobs and most of a troll are lurking around town. That takes priority, especially since we have largely accomplished our goal¡­¡± ¡°Most of a troll?¡± Dannyl asked eagerly, his professional curiosity aroused. ¡°Shai took a piece of it with Gary¡¯s insane flaming sword¡­¡± Liam muttered crossly. ¡°I¡¯d trade all my teeth and one eye for a dozen of those¡­¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re out of luck, that¡¯s another stricture he¡¯s under¡­¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°He can¡¯t move, touch, or even approach a human corpse or any dead part of a human body; even hair trimmings. He can¡¯t even go into a barber shop.¡± ¡°We aren¡¯t supposed to talk about that!¡± Rio hissed angrily at his bluff, unsmiling brother. ¡°It¡¯s family¡­¡± The big, smiling lad answered unhappily. ¡°Auntie Tawny is never alone, when pops is near, or being discussed.¡± Amy warned her entirely too outspoken brother, with a serious look in her eye. ¡°I will take pains to not reveal your father¡¯s secrets, boys¡± The count said with a wince at his young nephews. ¡°But please, don¡¯t burden me with any more. I share everything with my wife; this secret will be¡­ uncomfortable.¡± He sighed deeply, but with a hint of fierce eagerness hidden in his eyes. ¡°We¡¯ll decide how to manage the dungeon after we stuff these goblins and their troll down Gary¡¯s baths. We depart tomorrow.¡± ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s¡­¡± Amy agreed quietly. ¡°Too many ghosts out here¡­ this is weird.¡± She murmured, watching things only she and Rio could see. ¡°I hear a song on the wind, Amy¡­¡± Rio muttered. ¡°Do you hear it?¡± ¡°Nope, and you should stop listening.¡± Dannyl ordered firmly. ¡°Sir Kermal, would you mind letting Sasha have a flight around the place? They¡¯re coming up from the valley floor.¡± The sweets loving, death¡¯s head hawkmoth performed her joyous, yet melancholy dance through the purple shadows of the early, mountain sunset. The stream of sparkling, darkling, shadow motes went on and on, drifting toward the madman¡¯s moon in a slow moving funnel cloud, disappearing into the darkening sky as the stars began to appear, one by one. # Sweet, slightly mournful music drifted out over the woodlands and hills of his domain, still and shrouded in early evening mists. The awful sun was still up, but he was an early riser¡­ Always had been. The goblin king lowered his long flute of troll bone from his ragged green lips and sighed, looking out on his beautiful, verdant, realm from his towering, hotspring inn above the treeline. The red tiled roof and high, mortared stone walls seemed to come from another world, looming above the wooden palisade and thatch roofed homes of his subjects, gathered at the foot of his steep, rocky hill. A male goblin¡¯s furtive and cruddy life, hunting small game in the woods alone, desperately hoping to find a female in season suited him poorly; so poorly that the spirits had blessed him above all other other gobbs. He¡¯d always felt an almost instinctive need to bring music forth in the world, however he could, and somehow he knew the crafts that made that possible¡­ He was unsure of many things, which was also unusual for a goblin male; Mostly he wondered where these strange gifts and this knowledge came from¡­ It had felt as though a stranger, who somehow, he knew better than his own self had carved that first simple pipe from a hollow reed. Once he¡¯d placed his lips to that first flute, carved from a dry reed; his castle had shimmered into being, wherever, whenever and however he desired¡­ so long as his music was there. Since he¡¯d discovered and mastered his strange gifts, he¡¯d attracted a lot of attention from the only truly sentient and intelligent beings around¡­ the goblin girls. And there were so many of them! At first it had been just him, alone¡­ rattling around in his incongruous house in the wilderness. Until that first female showed up, then another, then seven more, traveling by day and in groups to protect themselves from the depredations of wandering males. They arrived at his door, whether frightened, curious, hungry or just nosey¡­ and stayed. Slim, dusky green and gray goblin girls swarmed the streets, as evening gave way to night; chattering and trading, working their crafts and living their lives in peace. The hot pools drew in the goblin damsels, but the food from his garden and his ability to harvest honey from any hive, without getting stung to death, kept them around. His girls loved sweets¡­ He felt like that was a universal truth,or close enough that it would do. When the breeding heat came over the sweet, clever, beautiful citizens of his little kingdom, they would eagerly troop up to the castle in small squads of deliciously willing, horny, eager, tender flesh¡­ right to his doorstep. The presence of food and females drew males in as well seeking to challenge the stranger for his steadily growing harem. That worked out very poorly; he was bigger, stronger and¡­ way, way smarter than his rivals. To make things even less fair, he had the art of crafting weapons and armor as well. Long, sturdy spears tipped with keenly knapped flint points, strong, durable clubs and his awful, stone headed mace were undeniable breakthroughs in goblin crafts that the girls had found deeply interesting. When they had begun joining him for his daily ¡®workouts¡¯ practicing the arts of battle beside him, the germ of a new idea had formed. The goblin girls were smarter, so much smarter, and so social and clever¡­ and so tired of being pushed around and abused. Before too many moons had passed, he had a troupe of huntresses and warrior maidens that could travel without the fear of male attention. His fellow goblin males were beyond stupid, approaching animal level intelligence, on a good day. They worked no crafts beyond the simplest stone tools, never clothed or bathed themselves¡­ and were highly antisocial at the best of times. Only when the sweet scent of a female in heat appeared on the wind, would they gather together. Then they would savagely maul each other; in hopes of being the last gobb standing. Those bloody battles often left the last gobb standing wondering where that female went, while he was busily murdering his kin. Ghnash never participated, even though his body demanded that he join and his instincts shrieked for the battle¡­ He would linger not far away, playing his flute, and waiting. The goblin maidens loved music and would dance in their wild and unschooled way, drawn to the sound of his flute¡­ Sometimes the winner managed to track down his missing prey, through luck, or dogged determination. That never went well; Ghnash was an uncommonly large, muscular and strong gobblin, armed with a terrifying stone headed club and a preference for privacy, when in the mood. With plenty of bloodshed, he¡¯d carved out a domain for himself in this goblin forest, far from where other races dwelt. All he¡¯d had to do was butcher so many of his male kin that they now fled in fear at his least display of pique. Once beaten in a mating duel, if the loser survived, which was normally rare; he would subordinate himself to the other gob, following directions obediently for the rest of his life¡­ if they were simple enough. Beating a gobbo with a few followers would usually bring those along with, enlarging the victor¡¯s troop significantly. Ghnash found himself uniquely gifted there as well, having the brains to not butcher his foes and an ability tied to his musical gift that could even get them to work together, in limited ways, for a short time, while he was directing them. Even with all his gifts and arts, the murderous little shits wouldn¡¯t stop being murderous little shits, once they were out of his sight. He¡¯d tried reason, patience, compromise and even plain old bullying, since he was nearly half again bigger than most of his kin. The only thing that worked was naked brutality and savage, uncompromising violence at the slightest transgression. That course of action seemed¡­ exhausting and pointless, since they were too simple minded to do much of value. Eventually he gave up, simply sending his male minions out to ¡®patrol his domain¡¯. Usually they would be swallowed up by the dangers of the woods; but sometimes they would bring back freshly conquered tribes from his fringe¡­ which was more troublesome. A damn troll had lured the entire RaggedNail tribe away and into some mischief¡­ somewhere. No doubt the evolved goblin had promised the idiots meat and females, to be provided later. He, or rather, his agents couldn¡¯t find the wretch and that pack of savage, horny little bastards anywhere. The RaggedNails were no great loss, they were freshly wandered in from the waste; drawn by tales of plentiful food and clobbered by his border ¡®patrol¡¯. Goblin recruiting was just that way, the disgusting little imps¡­ but now they were out there, somewhere, doing who knows what, leaving a trail of spirits only know what, in their wake. A wake that led right to his (finally) peaceful little domain. That was why his army of beautiful deadly damsels was too valuable, too precious, too¡­ beloved to risk for those little turds¡­ That troll would pay for the life of Juniella, the sweet, kind girl who¡¯d been assigned to watch the RaggedNails from a distance. The filth had killed and eaten her, before luring the stupid chumps off into the mountains. ¡°Send out a warg party to track them down, only to track them¡­¡± He sighed, as he raised his flute back to his lips. ¡°Be careful. You matter so much more to me than those shitheads, daughter.¡± The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Elanore saluted sharply, tipped her cap to the king; the only obeisance he would allow, and ducked out to follow her orders as sweet music lifted from the throne room of his strange, steam and mist shrouded castle on the highest hilltop. ¡°What kind of magic spell to use¡­?¡± He asked the distant stars, soaring through the strange, moonless sky of this world. A sad smile crossed his cracked, ragged green lips as he sucked a long, pointed fang contemplatively. Sometimes he felt¡­ not wrong; incomplete, like he was missing something, deep inside. He¡¯d tied to fill that hole with lots of things, fighting, food and fucking¡­ lots of that last one, mostly because he was super good at all three of the big touchstones of goblin life. Music was the only thing that really helped that empty, hollow feeling¡­ Male goblins didn¡¯t cohabitate¡­ or even interact with females outside the mating duels, usually. They didn¡¯t have the smarts, temperament or interest. The ladies generally didn¡¯t want them around either. They tended to start fights, make messes and were very inconsistent on matters of house training. Only Ghnash kept his smarts when his pecker went up, and he had way more upstairs than his brethren in any case. Maybe it was the dreams¡­ Those vague, dreamlike memories, or memory like dreams still haunted his sleep; dreams of a world populated by tall, smooth skinned, smiling people whose teeth were white and even and their lips untorn. He dreamed most often of a tall, pale female with shocking red hair and pale, milky milkers that aroused him, even when remembered in the cool of the night, when he awoke. Those dreams of walking in the sunshine and living a different life disturbed him, and set him apart from his idiotic fellow males. Thoughts of that female, that wo-man, the beautiful Shaiee he saw only in his dreams stirred his mind and his hearts¡­ and aroused his desire. His harem of real, actual, dusky green beauties awaited him eagerly, each one hoping to bear the next litter of his marvelous children from her warm, welcoming loins. That was a peasant thought. ¡°Ladies¡­ I¡¯m home!¡± Ghnash¡¯Waargh, the Goblin King called out to the two dozen, slim, smiling green damsels floating in his hotspring bath, waiting just for him. ¡°Oohhh, new girls!¡± He chittered excitedly, as they giggled and sniffed the scent of his pheromones on the wind. For tonight he could forget that awful ache, that longing for indefinable, something lost, somewhere out there¡­ for tonight he could forget. ¡°Tell me your names and decide who¡¯s first, ladies.¡± He slipped out of his robes and smiled, when they all gasped with delight. # ¡°Your ¡®music box¡¯ got smashed, Barry.¡± Lindsey whispered, when he opened his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, it was beautiful.¡± She was on the edge of the pool, wrapped in a robe, watching over papa, who¡¯d been stung too stupid to be conscious, again. ¡°I¡¯ll make you a new one, darling¡­¡± He murmured in his drifting, half awake state. ¡°You made that¡­ dear?¡± She asked gently, wondering how far she could lead the sleepy boy. ¡°Mmm? Yeah, fer you, made it fer you¡­¡± He mumbled, drifting about in the pool heedlessly. ¡°For me?¡± She asked, very gently as he balanced on the edge of deeper sleep. ¡°So I can dance with you¡­¡± He whispered, sounding very warm and cozy. Sleep and pleasant dreams were claiming him¡­ and by what was stirring, Lindsey suspected she would be appearing in his dreams very soon. ¡°I felt your boobs¡­¡± With those final words, he slipped under, into dreams of a long legged girl, whose skirts hid mysteries and whose bodice was a treasure vault, begging to be plundered by greedy fingers. ¡°My boy¡¯s a poet.¡± Gary whispered softly from where he floated nearby, his eyes still closed. ¡°Sorry to eavesdrop, but I can only move my mouth and that seemed like it would be unhelpful.¡± He smiled a mad, crooked grin up at the darkening sky. ¡°It¡¯s rarely helpful when I open my yap.¡± ¡°Master Wa¡­¡± He raised one finger, which silenced her, for some reason. ¡°Just Gary¡­ Oh! I moved a finger, that¡¯s progress!¡± He chirped merrily. ¡°Your family was attacked, your familiar stung you unconscious and you have been as good as dead for hours now, yet you¡¯re excited by a little finger wiggle¡­?¡± She asked softly. ¡°Does this happen often?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ I¡¯m a cursed witch, apostate before all gods and beloved by none¡­ officially.¡± He struggled to give a naughty wink to punctuate that strangely chipper recitation of woes; he failed badly and wound up closing both eyes, which remained closed, despite his comical attempts to re-open them. ¡°I¡¯m all kinds of fucked up.¡± ¡°Master¡­ Gary, I¡­¡± She fell silent, unable to find the right words for the moment. Explaining to the naked father of her naked paramour, exactly why she was toying with his nearly unconscious son¡¯s emotions in the private bath was a complicated problem. ¡°He really likes you.¡± The big man murmured, as he floated around, eyes still closed. ¡°He does, we all do. Even the family gods think you¡¯re the tops.¡± He bumped into Barry, and fumbled around weakly, until he grasped his son¡¯s hand, a casual and intimate gesture that was sweetly beautiful¡­ If only the two large, muscular, hairy men were not nude in the bath and were the younger lad not enormously erect. Lindsey sighed with gratitude to her new goddess, that the elder Ward remained blissfully unaware of that deeply awkward fact. ¡°Fie¡­ Flip yer son, ye daft man! He¡¯s flyin¡¯ a fully rigged mast! Aye an¡¯ all pennants waving too!¡± Shai complained merrily from the bath entrance. ¡°What¡¯s that, love?¡± Gary asked helplessly, while Lindsey did her best to implode into her own navel and become a ghost on the spot. ¡°Fie, come on, daughter.¡± The giantess announced softly, as her enormous hand came down on the blushing girl¡¯s collar. ¡°Help me with this flotsam.¡± She unceremoniously pulled Lindsey¡¯s robe away and dragged her into the pool with her husband, her son and IT. Shai separated the two floating men and tossed Barry¡¯s right arm over his chest, where it lay, limply. ¡°Go on, lass, get over there an¡¯ take his hand, ye¡¯ll help me roll him over, fer his modesty.¡± She winked and grabbed her son¡¯s right leg. Shai began to gently lever Barry over, while Lindsey pulled on his hand. Halfway through a thought crossed her mind. ¡°Mistress Shai¡­ won¡¯t he drown?¡± She asked haltingly. Too late, she realized that the big lad was already rolling over and she¡¯d failed to do her part. Clinging desperately to his hand, she struggled and tugged, only to lift off the bottom and roll onto him¡­ down the slippery boy¡¯s torso and right onto IT. The ¡®mast¡¯ poked her right in the belly button, making her feel¡­ just all sorts of things, as she flailed and struggled to extricate herself without¡­ Huge, warm, gentle hands grasped her and hauled her off the sinking, slippery boy, before setting her back on her feet in the shoulder deep water. ¡°He¡¯ll nae drown. None can drown in the pools of my beloved¡­¡± She sighed, eyeing the still erect lad with a mixture of amusement and profound embarrassment. ¡°Faugh, ye¡¯ve seen it already. An, I imagine others as well¡­¡± She sighed, watching Lindsey with a mildly predatory gaze. ¡°Only in anatomy class¡­¡± She murmured. ¡°At the temple, we dissect the dearly departed, when the families agree¡­ that we might learn the healing arts more fully¡­¡± ¡°Ye need nae excuse yer seeking after knowledge. I be a member of that cult too.¡± The rough hewn woman smiled at her; a warm and genuine expression of deep affection and honest welcome. It wasn¡¯t the first time, but this one struck home, right there in the baths. The hard, craggy planes of her face softened and a warm, soothing sense of welcoming and deeply tender care flooded the bath. ¡°Lady Tawny an I be friends of long standing. I know well her arts an crafts¡­ Aye, an she¡¯s done a mite o¡¯ work on the poor wreck I do love¡­ in better times.¡± She continued speaking as though she were unaware of the subtle, magical and entirely beautiful transformation she was undergoing, before Lindsey¡¯s wondering eyes. Like the sun sweeping away shadows and mist, a radiant, almost delicate beauty blessed those wide, honest features. Her hard, suspicious gaze seemed to soften and became a warm and peaceful glance, accepting and gracious of any fault. ¡°Wow¡­¡± Gary whispered, from where he¡¯d drifted, across the pool . ¡°Oh, aye¡­¡± She replied a moment later, while Lindsey was wondering how she ever found this woman frightening or plain. ¡°I¡¯ve never watched it happen ¡®afore¡­ tis sad ye missed it, lad.¡± Shai murmured to her husband. ¡°Yes, dear Lindsey, ye are welcome in our home, truly.¡± A tiny, yellow and black figure climbed from Gary¡¯s hair and flew into the steamy air above the pool, looking down on the four people floating there. ¡°Told ya¡¯! I know who belongs in my hive and who doesn¡¯t¡± Kree sniffed. ¡°Eww! Barry¡¯s stinger is showing! Gross!¡± # The expedition members looked up the long, sloping slick patch, the most troublesome part of the return journey¡­ and wondered. There was a long gouge cut in the slimy growth, cut right down to bare, gritty, traction rich granite below. Wilf took a sample of the dry, crispy edge of the long furrow in the slime and tasted it. Slipweed, fae carnivorous plant. Mildly toxic, inedible, reagent, mildly magical. This complex, colonial organism will establish deadfalls above the main body of the plant, where it will wait for prey to tumble off into the waiting creature below. Low threat/no threat. Normal rank, non-intelligent. ¡°It¡¯s a fae plant, it doesn¡¯t like the traces of iron tallum¡¯s shield stunt left behind¡­¡± The big lad mumbled, as he rooted around in his gear. Eventually he pulled out his coin pouch; slowly and carefully Wilf began his ascent of the now comfortable and gradual slope. He bent over and placed something on the barren path every few yards. ¡°Iron bits¡­ don¡¯t pick them up or this stuff might grow back.¡± ¡°Oo, good idea!¡± Amy grumbled, sounding like she thought it was dumb. ¡°Except we should be using rusty scrap or driving iron spikes in, rather than dropping money on the trail!¡± ¡°Do you have any iron scrap or spikes on you?¡± He asked calmly. She just glared at him and he nodded with satisfaction. ¡°There¡¯s no time or place to set up camp and fish anything out of my basement¡­ this is a bargain.¡± After that, the highwire bridge stunt was still harrowing¡­ but the team landed on the other side without further trouble. It was still too exhausting to continue on after that trial, so they camped at the foot of the bridge again. ¡°Stay sharp¡­ I guess there¡¯s more than just a few stray ¡®caps in these hills.¡± Dannyl warned his team at breakfast, before the beginning of the long descent. ¡°Uh, yeah¡­ somethings out there¡­¡± Amy murmured. ¡°I¡¯m still getting the occasional fragmentary ghost. This far from any habitations there shouldn¡¯t be anymore, at least, not so soon, not for years maybe...¡± ¡°Weird¡­ There¡¯s literally no people out here except a small tribe of batkin¡­¡± Dannyl mumbled, sounding deeply intrigued. ¡°They have their own death cult and practice excellent spiritual hygiene¡­¡± ¡°These are human ghosts, tiny fragments of them¡­ and a few other species but mostly all human.¡± Amy whispered, watching the shadows under a manzanita tree. ¡°They aren¡¯t hostile, or even faintly sentient. They¡¯re more like the remnant, drifting shreds of a dispersed fog bank that vaguely remembers being a ghost in a previous life¡­¡± ¡°So they aren¡¯t spooky?¡± Ivy asked, sounding relieved. ¡°Oh no, they¡¯re spooky as hell. Drifting, desperate wights looking for¡­ something.¡± Amy mumbled. ¡°Hollow eyed, but still hoping to find it, somewhere out in these hills¡­ where they lost it so long ago.¡± ¡°Whoah, Ames¡­ come back to us in the living world.¡± Becky whispered in her ear; hugging the shivering young admiral close. ¡°We¡¯ll investigate this properly later. For now, let¡¯s get home and make sure everyone is safe.¡± # ¡°Bring the Foundling forth for judgment.¡± Lord Fernach Deepdelve rumbled from his high seat in the grand hall. An angry scuffling noise broke the solemn dignity of that hallowed hall, as a squat, burly dwarf dragged his junior before the lord. ¡°This fool cracked open the seal on the deep mines¡­¡± Delgrath grumbled sourly, holding the uncommonly tall, young dwarf by his ear, since his beard was still too short to grip. ¡°He was down there, playing with that¡­ thing¡­ again!¡± ¡°It¡¯s a flute¡­ and it¡¯s mine.¡± He sulked and grumbled sourly at his elders. ¡°Bitch and moan all you want, I¡¯m not handing it over!¡± ¡°Gandree ClansWard, you will not disobey your rightful lord! Not in his own hall!¡± Delgrath barked. ¡°You could be banished for that crime! Cast out into the goblin haunted wilds!¡± ¡°So banish me. Screw you, screw your rules, and seriously, screw fucking beards! Itchy!¡± He grumbled right back. ¡°Take your whole clan and shove it up your ass. I¡¯ve been everybody¡¯s bootblack, tailor, carpenter and maid since forever, all I get for it is more orders and demands. Most of you cunts don¡¯t even know my name!¡± He snarled straight at the lord¡¯s face. ¡°Foundling do this, Foundling do that¡­ Well, fucking unfind me. I¡¯ll break out before I become your slave.¡± He sneered at the aging lord and laughed; a short, cruel, barking thing without mirth. You already know you can¡¯t lock me up or bind me with magic. Good luck maintaining your feeble wards and charms without me.¡± Even bent over, his ear gripped by the older dwarf, he was taller than the rest, if less solidly built; he bore a passing resemblance to the race of man¡­ at a first glance. He reached up and dislodged the young master smith¡¯s grip from his ear with a well practiced move that drew a little blood¡­ Well, a lot of blood, as he stood up straight and glared at the gathered council of elders. ¡°I see your runes and arts fading. I¡¯ve been watching, oh master rune smiths¡­ Watching you fumble and flail! Your runes and glyphs are pale shadows of your ancestors¡¯ arts!¡± More than one of the seated dwarves rose angrily, only to be silenced by the odd and strangely menacing aura the formerly docile young foundling now possessed. ¡°Did you ever wonder how I broke those seals?¡± He asked, his smile of ghoulish delight and the stream of blood pouring down his neck unheeded, only deepened the dreadful sense of malice that poured out from him. ¡°Did you stop to consider that I¡¯ve been opening those ancient locks and wards regularly, just to escape you assholes for a few hours? I re-seal them when I come back, so you never knew, not for these last ten years.¡± At that, the whole hall fell deathly silent, cloaked in the chilling pall of rage and discontent that roiled the air around the young dwarf lad. ¡°You are banished from these halls. Leave empty handed, beardless and naked, as we found you. Do not return on pain of death.¡± The aged lord pronounced his sentence and closed his eyes in exhaustion. ¡°Remove this wretch from my halls.¡± # Alone on a windswept mountain pass, clean shaven and his ass bare to the world, Gandree ClansWard bent over and showed his asshole to the entire clanhold entrance in a final disgraceful display. Clanless, naked and alone on that barren road, he turned to face the hold and the hidden eyes he knew were still watching, waiting for his Will to break and bring him crawling back to live under their booted heels as ¡®Foundling Ward¡¯. He smiled merrily, reached behind himself and pulled a big wicker hamper out of nowhere. They could never understand his abilities, they were too strange, too odd, too otherworldly for staid, dwarven smiths, masons and miners. Though, they did love the results, loved them so much he¡¯d been declared ¡®ClanWard¡¯ subject to and under the command of any craft master who wanted to order him around. Now they would need to find a new way to prop up their failing spells and runes. In a few minutes, he was warmly dressed in fine woolen clothes of his own crafting, with a light axe and a long knife on his hips; playing sweet, joyous music from the strange ¡®flute¡¯ he¡¯d cobbled together from scraps of brass and bronze scavenged from the workshop smelt bins. He strolled away from the only home he¡¯d ever known with a song in his heart and finally, the sun on his shoulders. There was something out there in the sunlit surface world, something important he needed to find. ¡°I need lumber¡­ I need a guitar.¡± He whispered hungrily, in a soft voice that was snatched away by the cold wind of late autumn. In a world of magical wonders, a dwarf could do almost anything: if he had the guts to risk it all. # Only The Lonely Ch: 5 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Only The Lonely Ch: 5 From the high, windswept, barren passes, to the rich bottomlands of Foresthome took barely three hours, with no breaks and no brakes. They blasted town the wide, well graded and smooth roads that were count Liam¡¯s pride; slowing only enough to let Audrey stay with the group. She was faster than any mortal horse and could run over any terrain, even bridging or leaping significant gaps¡­ But for flat out speed, nothing without wings beat the kids on a downhill run on open road. Any prospective ambushers would have no warning and little, if any chance to act against the fast flying, nearly silent party. One could as well ambush an arrow in flight¡­ Which is how the team encountered their first goblin band, skulking across the road, as evening fell. Wilf was in the lead, with Rio behind. The rest followed ten yards back, moving in a loose group. At the first sign of the creatures, Rio waggled his rear tire twice, signaling trouble to Amy in the vanguard. Her soft, piping whistle alerted the rest to draw steel or couch lances, which was answered by a quiet clatter of arms all around the fast moving team. The two in front cranked harder, picking up speed for a bombing run, their lances tucked behind themselves, trailing after the riders. Hunched forward and flying fast, they cut in on their unsuspecting prey with silent ferocity. Rather than skewering one and riding on, the boys bashed through the crowd, their long, broad lance heads flying behind them, slashing the fallen and falling gobs. The boys skidded and wheeled, swapping sides and pedaled hard, smashing back through and plying their lances this time. Wilf spitted the leader, wearing a dog skull helmet, staking him to the dusty road, right through his heart and left him propped there, swaying on the pole of his lance. Rio took one in the eye, which was grisly, but left his lance free to plunge into a bonus gob, nailing him to the tree he was scampering up. # The two big lads slammed into the rear of the gobbo ¡®formation¡¯, scattering them across the wide road and verge. While they wheeled and ran back through their handiwork, the rest of the team rode down the scattered creeps; delivering them to whatever afterlife the shithead cannibals liked. Amy¡¯s sabre followed a few seconds after Wilf and Rio¡¯s second attack, flashing in the late afternoon sun. The bright blue dynamo rode through them like a magical grain harvester, she took arms and heads with equal ease, leaving blood wherever she passed. Poor Ivy got a lucky, or unlucky spear through her spokes and found herself pitched head first into a six-pack of the rapacious little ghouls. Their dark, piggy eyes lit up when a pretty human girl landed in their naked laps¡­ until she started hitting them. Short, apple cheeked and blonde, Ivy seemed a cute, slightly pudgy woman of mature beauty with an almost childlike softness to her; until it was close combat training time¡­ the woman was a monster. Compact, muscular and agile, with tireless endurance, far beyond normal human limits, Ivy was more than a match for most armed men, barehanded. Her Contract with the god of Beasts gave her the physical might to provide the much needed admonishment the goblins needed at that moment. Long before her massive husband could dismount and stomp over to crush the creeps into goo, she had them whimpering and broken, in a heap on the road. ¡°Gods, Ives¡­ you didn¡¯t kill any of them?¡± Tallum asked softly, as they surveyed the wreckage. ¡°Taking gobs alive is extra challenging, cause they¡¯re so fragile, stupid and horny.¡± She sang merrily. ¡°You gotta dislocate their limbs and give¡¯em a twist¡­¡± She demonstrated on an imaginary shithead, with a smile on her sweet, angelic face, those startlingly blue eyes alive with mirth. ¡°If you break too many bones, the little shits just die on you.¡± # Audrey cleaned up the mess from the road in a few minutes, even licking the surface clean with a long mat of roots that she dragged over the bloodstains. It reminded Ivy of her big mutt, scooting his butt on the rug; only, she was removing the noisome streaks, rather than laying them down. ¡°Otho loves chili dog night¡­¡± Tallum muttered fondly, reading her mind once again, as they watched the count¡¯s familiar literally mop up. Before long, they were riding again; with the five goblin survivors entangled in Audrey¡¯s vines. They rode on through the deepening twilight, past secure farmsteads with thick stone walls and watchers on the roofs; communal strongholds scattered around for just such threats. They eventually neared the lakefront, with a familiar, tall column of steam rising in the distance. Liam glanced down at his familiar and her entangled prisoners and frowned. ¡°I¡¯d like to take these three off your hands, Ivy.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± She grumbled, peering closely at the not even slightly guilty looking snapdragon. ¡°I was pretty sure I had six¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t recall¡­¡± Liam said abstractedly, as he eyeballed his familiar. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯ll pay a bronze mark for these two.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a pretty good price for a single goblin¡­¡± Tallum agreed, as another of her prisoners vanished into a flower maw. ¡°All right¡­ But pay up before your stupid shrub eats them all.¡± She grumbled sourly at the count. # When they finally stumbled home, it was near eighth bell and full dark¡­ Audrey carried Liam the rest of the way home, accompanied by a patrol of six armed and armored apprentice Adventurers who happened to be passing by on a regular route. The private baths were marked private, for that double private goodness; so the exploration team splashed down in the public pool with a number of friends, relations, neighbors and horses. Tallum was scootched down low, letting Ivy massage his scalp as a reward for being so brave on their Adventure. ¡°I¡¯ll give you the rest of your prize in our rooms¡­ TickleMonkey.¡± She whispered in the big man¡¯s ear. ¡°Not in the public baths¡­¡± He whispered desperately. ¡°People will see!¡± ¡°We¡¯ve all seen it, Tallum. It¡¯s not tough to spot.¡± Dannyl jeered, topping his off color jest with a salacious wink. ¡°If anybody¡¯s missed out, now¡¯s your chance.¡± The giant turned bright red and stood up to exit the pool, in a display of righteous indignation. Poor fellow¡­ Dannyl was waiting for just that. ¡°There it is ladies and gentlemen, the leviathan of the baths, the one man log jam¡­!¡± His jeers cut off abruptly, when Wilf and Rio both stood up, each one holding one of Dannyl¡¯s feet, plunging him headfirst into the pool, where he remained. ¡°We¡¯ll drown him a little bit longer¡­¡± Rio said with a suave smile and a carefree bob of his head to the pair. ¡°Good night, uncle; good night, auntie.¡± ¡°Night night.¡± Wilf agreed calmly, while his slight, red haired uncle thrashed and struggled under the surface. # Lindsey woke up with her big, goofy horse sprawled on top of her, still exhausted from the day before and emotionally battered by their first real battle¡­ That was when it all landed on her again¡­ With a little less crushing weight and slightly more perspective. She stirred, jostling the huge, warm animal while wondering how they wound up in this strange bed. ¡°Let me up you big galoot, I need to take a crap.¡± She grumbled at her horse. She nudged him a few times with her bare toe, wedging her instep between his haunches to motivate him. ¡°Move or I¡¯ll tickle your butthole with my big toe!¡± She complained when he remained immobile. When she made good on her threat and jammed her toe between his hams, his butt felt weirdly not furry¡­ ¡®I¡¯m in the stable¡­ where I¡¯ve been for a few hours¡­I¡¯m bored.¡¯ Flash answered, as Barry slowly rolled over and flung an arm on top of her, with a loud, rumbling snore. Slowly it came back to her, Shai helping her get Barry into a room on the boat, since someone was already passed out in his room, and every other bed in the house¡­ Sitting up late on the side of his bed and slowly leaning over onto his warm, sleepy form, as exhaustion took her. It had seemed so innocuous at the time, she was tired and he was so warm and so¡­ cuddly. He was thankfully, still unconscious; it was a few hours after full darkness and they were alone on the boat, so far as she knew. His big warm hand was resting high on her chest, his long, strong, calloused fingers cupping her shoulder gently; that wouldn¡¯t do¡­ not at all. She fidgeted, scooched and wriggled slowly and carefully, until that big, warm hand was cupping her left breast¡­ Over the blanket, of course, but that was a marvelous brine to pickle the boy in. And it felt¡­ wonderful, just as the warmth radiating from his body felt more comforting than even Flash¡¯s safe, cozy bulk. She wriggled a little closer with a happy sigh, and maybe her hand slipped inside his shirt and rested on his big, broad chest, slowly tracing the muscles hidden under his soft, velvety skin. No one was awake to notice¡­ ¡°I thought you needed to poop, boss?¡± Flash asked sweetly, the obnoxious little jerk. ¡®Yes, yes I do. And no, I won¡¯t find Garry¡¯s shoes. That¡¯s final.¡¯ She muted their connection so she could concentrate on extricating herself from her suddenly less cozy position, for a newly remembered and pressingly urgent mission. # Barry woke, deep in the night; on one of the familiar beds on Moonrise. He squirmed around, feeling something was off, or missing. Unable to pin down the nagging issue, he shucked the annoying pajamas his mom must have put him in while he was out cold. She really needed to grasp the idea of boundaries¡­ He rolled back over onto a very warm and comfy spot and slipped back into sleep, feeling just a little sad, for some reason, like he¡¯d just forgotten the most wonderful dream¡­ It felt like a pretty sexy dream too¡­. With a warm smile of anticipation, he chased the pale, pert, green lace clad backside of his dreams into the distance behind his weary eyelids. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. # Much relieved and more comfortable, and with a freshly washed left foot, Lindsey slipped back under the covers with her warm, cozy boy; only to find he had rolled over. Her sneaky smile of wicked pleasure went unremarked in the dimly moonlit cabin, she could manage this. The light from the porthole was just enough to help her reach out and tickle her sleeping giant¡¯s ear. Once, twice¡­ on the third try, he snuffled and rolled back over, right on top of the poor girl, crushing her beneath his naked bulk and prodding her hip with¡­ ¡®Naked?¡¯ She asked herself, slowly and carefully; before that huge arm came back, landing on her boob with almost supernatural precision, considering he was completely out cold. And he was nude¡­ Again, and pressed up against her, again. Even her interposing blanket had taken a powder¡­ caught beneath Barry¡¯s enormous bulk, it might as well be on the moon. As she slowly realized her position, she also realized that wasn¡¯t afraid, or concerned, or worried¡­ just embarrassed; she was tired and her boy was very warm, soft and cuddly. Well, mostly soft; there was one trouble spot. # Barry woke as the sun¡¯s first rays touched the lake and reflections off the water began to sparkle on the ceiling above the bed. He felt more relaxed, more comfy and tranquil than he could ever remember feeling before¡­ Which probably had a lot to do with the slim, warm girl cuddled so close to him, her sweet face resting on his shoulder, drooling freely. That had never happened before. He lay there, savoring a perfect moment of simple pleasure; a beautiful girl sleeping peacefully in his arms. Her arms were flung around him and one leg draped over his body, her slender knee resting on¡­ She began to stir, before he could do anything about the very natural and completely outside his control situation down there; it had already been well on its way, before he even woke. ¡°Lindsey¡­ Lin¡­¡± He whispered, as her big gray eyes fluttered open and met his gaze. ¡°I¡­ uh, need to check the bandage on my leg¡­¡± He mumbled weakly; poor Bary was having trouble getting brain, body and mind to work together. # Those sleepy gray eyes shot wide open, as the reality of her situation slowly dawned on her. She was wearing her new, perfectly sensible pajamas, courtesy of Barry¡¯s mom¡­ that was good. She was pressed close to the boy; so close it was difficult to say who was touching whom, or where¡­ at first. That was also very, very good. Too good, judging by the situation under her left knee. She scrambled away in desperate horror, blushing bright red all the way to her hairline. In her haste, the blankets came with her, leaving him lying there in the morning sunshine, looking deliciously shy, embarrassed and just way too sexy. They stood there in a timeless moment, like insects trapped in amber, until the breakfast bell rang at the inn on the lakeside. The sharp, insistent clang broke the moment, as they both began to giggle together foolishly. # ¡°I can¡¯t believe you left them on the boat together¡­¡± Gary murmured into his coffee, while his wife smugly buttered a warm slab of fresh baked bread. ¡°They both be of age, an hae Contracted¡­ an both hae free will.¡± She grumbled at her prudish man. ¡°Barry be a fine lad, he will nae take any liberties unasked.¡± Her confident smile broke Gary¡¯s resistance, as she leaned against him on the bench they shared. ¡°She will nae be asking, ere I miss my guess¡­ Tis just a mite o¡¯ snuggly fun, an none will come tae any harm.¡± She cooed and hummed a soft little melody as she wriggled closer. ¡°I do well remember the lad I did meet in papa Harlan¡¯s forge that day¡­ Barry be much as thee; shy, retiring, an too reserved by far.¡± She purred in his ear. ¡°This is what I get for marrying a woman in the panty cult.¡± He sighed mournfully, until she grabbed his ear and gave it a sassy twist that made him yelp just, a little, just as he¡¯d hoped. They scooted apart just a little¡­ a very little and stopped jackassing around as the common room began to fill with hungry family, Adventurers and guests. # Barry and Lindsey walked up from Moonrise, side by side and close enough that their hands brushed occasionally, looking deeply awkward and embarrassed, but also very pleased. He wore his usual common workmans¡¯ clothes, neat and clean but otherwise deeply unremarkable; in any craft hall in the region he would blend right in with the crowd. Lindsey also wore his clothes, swimming about in his dark brown shirt, pants and jacket like a child playing dress-up in daddy¡¯s clothes. She still had her pajamas on as well, since she was having trouble staying inside the giant boy¡¯s laundry. The pair stepped into the common room looking sheepish and embarrassed to their very bones, which delighted the company no end, of course. They faltered under so many eyes and stupid grins, caught in a dangerously embarrassing and deeply humiliating situation. With twinned gasps of dismay, Amy and Maya swooped down on Lindsey and spirited her away from the boy and dragged her upstairs, leaving Barry alone to face the idiots. ¡°You guys all suck.¡± He announced clearly, while flopping down at the four triplet¡¯s table in the corner by the fireplace, after he filched an extra seat from a nearby table. He opened the window and whistled, bringing Flash¡¯s big, goofy face into the scene, snuffling and sniffing for breakfast. Larry and Perry landed a moment later, with Harry close on their heels. The four boys and the horse tuned out and ignored the rest of the room, stifling the grownups stupid comments and wisecracks before they could really begin. ¡°So¡­?¡± Perry asked with a smirk that was only obnoxious. ¡°Get stuffed, bro.¡± Barry grunted. ¡°Right answer.¡± Harry said with a grin. ¡°Yup.¡± Quiet and taciturn Larry agreed. ¡°I like her¡­ A lot.¡± Barry mumbled after a few long moments. ¡°And she smells really nice.¡± ¡°She¡¯s tough, too.¡± Larry grunted. ¡°Approved.¡± Harry smirked at Perry and cocked an eyebrow at the last holdout. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s cool¡­ Approved.¡± He finally admitted. ¡°Cause her horse is cool.¡± He muttered with a smile. # ¡°I don¡¯t have any clothes of my own, only the uniforms and robes of Healer¡¯s cult¡­¡± Lindsey gasped out a little sob of surprise, shocked at how little that sudden reversal of fortune bothered her; especially now that Flash was getting another of those ear rubs from Barry¡¯s warm, strong fingers. ¡°I don¡¯t even have my own¡­ underthings.¡± ¡°Oh, darling¡­¡± Amy cooed with a slightly predatory smile on her pink, dusky lips. ¡°We know. Things have been in motion for a few days now. Let¡¯s get you taken care of.¡± Amy opened her absurd closet and started rummaging around in the acres and acres of fabric, all neatly hung and folded and almost all in one shade or another of blue. Whether the pale, dusty azure of winter skies, or the deepest midnight hues, Amy had something beautiful. Unfortunately, she was also very much shorter than the long, lanky girl dressed in a huge boy¡¯s clothes. The dark, smiling admiral pushed a small mountain of her things aside and hauled a wicker hamper out into the room. ¡°First, undies.¡± Amy announced gleefully, as Maya¡¯s strong hands began stripping Lindsey, again. The grinning, dark cherub who sometimes pretended to be Lindsey¡¯s friend, produced an assortment of very sensible underthings that smiling, giggling Maya ¡®helped¡¯ her into. No matter how much the taller girl insisted she could manage without assistance. Her panties and bra were still lacy and embellished, with cute bows and darling little pink rosebuds embroidered on the pale green silk, adding structure and coverage where the design needed them, without being overtly showy¡­ And they were so comfy; cupping her bottom and breasts gently, securely and very beautifully. Lindsey took a turn in Amy¡¯s little wall mirror and gasped at the beautiful girl standing there, nearly naked, but so fetchingly almost clothed. ¡°These fit so well, as if made just for me¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Yup, we started this on day one, sweetie. You weren¡¯t thinking straight and that¡¯s where good friends come in.¡± Amy replied smugly. ¡°You bought these¡­ for me? I couldn¡¯t¡­¡± Lindsey murmured, while not even pretending to resist the two girls¡¯ continuing efforts. ¡°Gods no, we have so many crafts in the family, I just asked my mom and she got right on it.¡± The Admiral¡¯s smile was honest and sweet, just like the silly, wretched girl herself. ¡°Mistress Ward is a consummate hostess.¡± Maya agreed. ¡°She sewed these things¡­ For¡­ me?¡± The tall girl stammered, even more distressed at the thought of her busy, hard working hostess staying up late, hunched over an embroidery hoop for her. ¡°Hmm?¡± Amy mumbled, halfway into her big basket, her bottom waving in the air as she burrowed in the clothing. ¡°Nope, my dad sews, mom¡¯s a smith¡­ best around. Papa made all this stuff for you. He won¡¯t take it back or listen to your protests, so shut up and just be happy.¡± She popped up from her huge basket and grinned at her new sister. ¡°That¡¯s all he wants from, or for any of us.¡± A selection of lacy things that were not sensible at all still remained in the basket, hinting at further sexy hijinx to come. The tall, gray eyed lass looked at those naughty, intimate things, so wicked, cute, sexy and demure and so perfectly fitted to her every curve and plane¡­ She turned even more interesting colors, as she considered what that meant. ¡°Barry¡¯s dad¡­ measured me while I was sleeping?¡± She asked very softly. ¡°Is that what happened?¡± Maya and Amy giggled and laughed together for a terribly long time, smirking and whispering until poor Lindsey thought she might burst. At last Amy got all her giggles out and could speak. ¡°Nahh, he¡¯s just relly, really good at making¡­ things, all kinds of things.¡± She grinned again. ¡°Next new girl we¡¯re gonna work that measurement angle, that could be fun.¡± Lindsey found herself nodding along¡­ ¡®Yes, breaking the next ¡®new girl¡¯ would work out very well indeed.¡¯ She thought to herself. ¡°Wait, why do you think there¡¯s gonna be another new girl?¡± ¡°Open your eyes, Lin.You aren¡¯t the only girl in town who knows what¡¯s up. Once the weird factor wears off, those boys are date bait.¡± Maya said with a grin. ¡°Our job is to help them find the right ones, and get rid of the trash.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s get back to ¡®work¡¯.¡± Amy jeered at her blushing victim, as the infringement on her person and boundaries began again. ¡°You have a breakfast date, with your clothes on. More advanced tactics come later.¡± ¡°Excellent idea, put a pin in that¡­¡± Maya sighed happily. ¡°I think, the summer dress, Ames.¡± ¡°Hmm, good call, Maya, we¡¯ll try that last¡­ First, we get to play dress-up dolly, with our new toy!¡± Amy advanced on the poor girl, with a pile of clothes draped over her arm and a wicked grin on her cruel, evil face. ¡°Breakfast is waiting¡­¡± Becky announced from the door, smiling at the three half dressed girls giggling in a tight knot among the scattered clothing. ¡°¡­and you will want more on than just your cute new undies for that¡­ Though Barry might disagree; if he got a vote.¡± With a light of wicked glee in her own eyes, the high priestess slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. ¡°Let¡¯s play, dolly.¡± Lindsey squeaked with fright and tried to flee, only to be swiftly recaptured in the tiny room, by the horrid Maya, whose hands were everywhere, all the time. The assault only lasted a few minutes, a few long, terrible, hilarious, giggly, embarrassing minutes of simple, girlish fun. They swatted and pity patted at each other, stuffed each other into and out of outfits, whether they fit or not; and otherwise, generally made silly fools of themselves. In the end, Lindsey found herself in a long, soft and breezy linen sundress that hugged where it should, draped just where it ought¡­ and most importantly, snugged up in places that might distract a boy¡¯s wandering eye. She felt almost unclothed in the light and drifting sleeveless dress of pale green, which gradually darkened to a deep, dark forest shade at her ankles. The sensation was exciting, thrilling and a little embarrassing, as she went downstairs behind her three co-conspirators and smiled at the boys in general, rather than at Barry, as she had been instructed. ¡®Hmph¡­ You can¡¯t ride in that.¡¯ Flash grumbled, with his face in a huge bin of salad greens and fruit tree leaves topped with toasted coconut granola. ¡®We should go riding after breakfast¡­¡¯ ¡°Your horse is an idiot¡­ like most men.¡± Amy whispered in her ear as they approached the boy¡¯s table. ¡°You¡¯re on your own darling.¡± Amy and Maya peeled off to join the Ragamuffins, abandoning their former friend just as she came in range of her target. ¡°Wait, you can understand Flash, too? I thought¡­¡± She whispered to the empty air where those awful girls had just been. ¡°Good morning, miss Lindsey.¡± Harry chirped with a smile, as he kicked Barry in the ankle under the table. ¡°Uhh¡­ wow¡­ you look nice¡­¡± Barry stammered, while changing colors nicely. ¡°Though, uhhh¡­ you always look nice¡­ er¡­ I mean¡­¡± Salvation arrived in the form of a pan of hot fluffy biscuits and a pitcher of wallowbear sausage gravy, flanked by a bowl of scrambled eggs and a mound of hot flapjacks. Gary grinned down at the kids, seeming no worse for his own misadventure of the day before. He put a big platter of peeled and sliced fruits from the garden and orchard down on their table and withdrew without a word. Lindsey gaped at the mountain of food and looked around the common room in concern. ¡°Did we sit down at the buffet table? How did your dad carry all this? Does he have a foodservice gift?¡± Her questions fell silent and went unanswered as the boys attacked the massive heap of food like a pack of starving dogs. The gigantic brutes ate off of serving platters, rather than plates, wielding their cutlery like manure forks to heap huge amounts of everything in reach, down their gaping maws¡­ It was terrifying and a little fascinating to watch. She was still staring in wide eyed startlement when Harry landed a human sized plate in front of her with an apologetic smile. ¡°We¡¯re pretty hungry after yesterday¡­ Lin.¡± He murmured quietly. ¡°But we¡¯re always hungry, really. Lucky for you, your boy Barry¡¯s pretty handy in the kitchen.¡± Lindsey tried to glare and grumble at his presumption, but the youngest Ward boy just smiled confidently and nodded along. ¡°...yes, terribly rude and ignorant of me to assume anything of the sort¡­¡± He agreed with a smile. ¡°So, we¡¯d like you to join our Adventure party; Flash is already a member...¡± He finished, without preamble, taking all of the wind out of her sails, just like that. ¡°Wait¡­ I¡¯m an acolyte of Hea¡­ Oh¡­¡± She sputtered to a stop and sat back on her chair, as the last few hectic days and nights washed over her again, in that busy, bustling room full of rowdy, chattering Adventurers and warriors. She watched her hosts, dancing together and smiling as they served their guests and family; as if having at least twenty hungry guests and a full house of kids was perfectly ordinary. More than that, she saw what happened when their eyes met or they touched, even if only brushing against each other. They were in perfect time together, swaying and spinning through the room as if they were all alone and simply dancing. They were having a deeply tender and intimate moment right there, seeing little beyond each other. Lindsey¡¯s heart lurched comfortably in her breast at the thought of living a very different life than she¡¯d ever previously imagined. A life like the one she saw dancing before her eyes, in a crowded, cozy room filled with love and life. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m in!¡± She gasped, every inch of her, confused, excited and eager to see what would happen next; in her own life, and between the two mysterious people dancing around the inn lost in each other... It was a little difficult to reconcile her disperate impressions of Shai; the hard eyed trader and craftswoman, the open handed and open hearted hostess, the terrifying, fierce warrior with that fearsome flaming sword... And the beautiful, tender, graceful, dancing, hill tribe girl, swaying with a boy she liked for the pure joy of it. Lindsey felt like she better understood why the countess prized this woman¡¯s friendship, though they were so very different in every way. She sighed in a silent prayer of thanks to all the divines that Barry was so unlike his father in so many ways. That guy was weird. # Blessings Of The Light Ch: 6 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Blessings Of The Light Ch: 6 Daisybelle and her pack slipped up to an overhanging ledge and peered down on the narrow, jagged cleft in the mountainside and grumbled softly. There was a voidmaw down in that chasm, right where her quarry had disappeared. ¡°Crud¡­ cruddy, crud! He¡¯s gonna be super double mad!¡± The slim, tiny goblin slipped back from the edge, mounted Petunia and rode away as fast as she could, with Nightshade and Jasmine following close behind. Winter was threatening to close in on the peaks early¡­ she hadn¡¯t been a long time tracking those fools down, just a week; but the cold was starting to bite and these mountain peaks were inhospitable to warmth loving, lowland gobbs. They ran through the sparse pine forests on the heights, gazing longingly down on the lush valley floor and its warm, clinging mists. It would be a long run to a place where she could descend into the valley and begin her journey home. On a long, craggy road as night gave way to awful morning, the last thing she expected was to hear his majestie¡¯s flute, drifting up from a deliciously shaded, sheltering overhang near the road. She vaulted from her mount and admonished them to wait on the road as she ducked through the thicket of thorny bushes and jagged stones that surrounded his majestie¡¯s campsite. Dressed in a dark, hooded cloak, he sat looking into his little campfire as he played one of her favorites. The one that inspired her name. ¡®Daisybelle¡¯ rangout crisp and clear, cutting the fading night like a blade, unlike the warm, soft sound her papa¡¯s flute usually had¡­ In any case, she leapt out of the dark with a joyous cry of welcome and delight. ¡°Papa! What are you doing here?!¡± # ¡°We haven¡¯t seen a sign of that troll. The goblins have been solitary or in small, disorganized groups, since their master fled.¡± Dannyl reported at lunch with the count and the visiting dignitaries. ¡°They¡¯re under control, but we need to find out where the little shits are coming from.¡± ¡°In that case, if any of our illustrious visitors wish to return home, I can spare enough warriors to assure your safe travel.¡± Liam announced with satisfaction. He turned his eyes to Becky, seated at the end of the table. ¡°Any information on the troll from our¡­ other methods?¡± ¡°Nope. wherever it¡¯s hiding it must be deep and dark, cause they haven¡¯t found it. I can tell you, if it comes within twenty miles we¡¯ll know¡­¡± She grinned sheepishly at the gathered nobles. ¡°We¡¯ll probably know way, way farther out than that; my calculations suggest that it must have either hidden itself with an obscura charm of great power, or escaped this plane entirely.¡± ¡°Witchcraft?¡± Duke Abed asked sourly, drawing a disappointed glare from his wife. ¡°Yes, your grace, witchcraft indeed. With a piece of the creature¡¯s body, my brother and sister would be able to find it under almost any circumstance.¡± She answered calmly. ¡°Our family arts are reliable and effective, your grace.¡± ¡°Yes, excellent!¡± Julius agreed with everyone, to cut the tension. ¡°I do enjoy a good old fashioned hexing in the afternoon!¡± He grinned at the entire table and nodded as if to confirm something to himself. ¡°In that case, I will see about my return journey. With goblins about, my people need their silly gadfly duke back.¡± Gabbie almost sobbed at the news, but nodded her head silently, like a big empress. ¡°We should return as well¡­ you must visit us and see the empire!¡± She cheered a moment later. ¡°Think of the scandal, the pure naughtiness of it! Barbarians sleeping in the very imperial palace¡­¡± She shuddered in glee as her gathered ¡®barbarian¡¯ friends smiled awkwardly. ¡°Yes, we¡¯ll be sure to do that¡­¡± Grace answered with her usual suave¡­ grace. ¡°I have a team out there finishing the road repairs now, your return journey should be much less harrowing.¡± Liam offered. ¡°We¡¯ll send a squad of Ducklings along to help, they¡¯ve proven very reliable.¡± There was a soft clatter, as a big lad in light armor in the count¡¯s colors stood up just a little straighter and gave off an aura of intense satisfaction from behind his obscuring visor. ¡°Yes, very steady indeed.¡± The countess agreed, smiling at the huge, young captain of the countess¡¯ Ducklings. # It was cold on the mountains, super cold¡­ He¡¯d stayed up all night feeding his fire under the rocky overhang just to keep from freezing. Now he was cold, hungry, exhausted and wishing he¡¯d made warmer clothes. Or more clothes, he was wearing everything and still shivering. He played his flute all through the night, just to keep his fingers moving and to stay awake. Now, the blessed light of the sun was warming the air at last, as full dawn shed its glory over the mountain passes and crags. He smiled at the lyrics to this one, sweetening his tone a little in pleasure. There is a flower within my heart¡­ Daisy, Daisy¡­ Planted one day by a glancing dart¡­ Planted by Daisy Bell¡­ ¡°Papa! What are you doing here?!¡± Was the only warning he had, before someone plopped into his lap and hugged him around the neck. He sat there in shock for a moment, with a slim, green skinned, smiling, goblin girl inside his cloak. # Daisy realized her fatal mistake far too late, when she looked up, expecting to see her father¡¯s big brown eyes and shaggy black hair. It was her papa, undoubtedly; taller, much larger, much younger and so strange looking, but behind the blue-gray eyes and neatly shorn sandy blonde hair it was him¡­ and he was playing her song on his strange, shiny flute. The strange, wide eyed boy just kept playing, staring at her in a strange mixture of emotions that made little sense. His features were too alien for her to read his face, so she slipped from his lap politely, bowed in apology and began to dance to his music, picking it up at the chorus. Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do, I''m half crazy all for the love of you! It won''t be a stylish marriage, I can''t afford a carriage; But you''ll look sweet upon the seat, Of a bicycle built for two! ¡°You¡­ know that song?¡± He asked in a strange, rhythmic, rumbling accent. His voice was so much deeper than papa¡¯s despite his youth¡­ He was tall, so tall, and incredibly muscular, even wider and thicker than papa and as solid as the stones of the mountain itself, judging from his lap and the embrace she¡¯d stolen. His short cropped hair and big light eyes shook her, as his words sank into her befuddled mind. ¡°Of course¡­ It¡¯s my song! I¡¯m Daisybelle.¡± She piped up at him. # One moment he¡¯d been miserable and cold, desperately waiting for dawn and the warmth of the sun. then without warning, he¡¯d had an armful of someone warm, so soft, so slim and light¡­ and so green. Green eyes, big round green eyes, round green apple cheeks, blushing pink, and perfect pink lips with only a faint greenish cast and a short cascade of dark green hair that was almost black¡­ All he could think to do was keep playing, it had to be delirium from the cold¡­ that was a thing, surely. If it was a hallucination he needed to keep playing, only a few more minutes and sunrise would banish the cold¡­ When she slipped gracefully from his lap, bowed elegantly and began to dance and sing one of his secret songs he decided he¡¯d gone mad. There was no way that after a full day on the road alone, cold, hungry, thirsty and desperate, that this dancing dream was real. She could barely meet his eyes while he was seated on a boulder, shivering and hunched over¡­ the girl was barely four feet tall, and so slim, almost skinny, with a waist so narrow he could almost wrap his hands around her middle¡­ that thought made him blush and almost faint. Her snug jacket and pants revealed a plump rounded bottom and very bouncy boobs that threatened to jiggle free of her wide, plunging neckline as she danced. And the way she danced, barefoot, wild and free, all around his little campfire; her sweet, high, almost childlike voice ringing out clearly in the dawn, singing lyrics even he didn¡¯t really understand but had known for his whole short life underground. She smiled, showing sharp, white teeth that were just a bit more pointy than he expected and bowed again when the song ended. ¡°My papa says that an apology is best best when delivered in dance¡­ strange boy.¡± She sang in her high, musical accent. ¡°I gave my name, tradesies is fairly played!¡± She chittered at him and straightened her strange, snug coat with rows of bone buttons and bone shoulder plaques that were definitely decorative, rather than armor. Her cuffs were embroidered with strands of blackberry brambles, picked out in bright colored thread that gradually vanished at the elbows of her strange, marvelous garment. The whole ensemble had the look of a uniform, signifying¡­ something. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. His practiced tailor¡¯s eye noticed where her uniform had been snugged, adjusted, taken up and in, to fit her so perfectly, by a very skilled artisan. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± He rumbled softly. ¡°You startled me¡­ for a moment I thought¡­ ¡°I¡¯m Gandree¡­¡± He thought for a moment about giving no clan name or lying, but compromised instead. It felt right, somehow it fit, considering his unique facility with Wards and inscriptions¡­ ¡°I¡¯m Gandree Ward, pleased to meet you, Daisy Bell.¡± ¡°Nope, Daisy¡¯s my mom, Bell¡¯s her sister, I¡¯m Daisybell!¡± She chirped merrily, her little bare feet still sketching as dance by his dying fire. ¡°You¡¯ve got two names! That¡¯s weird¡­ Won¡¯t your family run out of names? What¡¯s a Gandree? Can my doggies come into camp? It¡¯s still cold-cold out!¡± The young dwarf couldn¡¯t keep up with her rapid fire questions and nodded at some point, which she decided was ¡®doggie approval¡¯. Gandree¡¯s hand sought his axe at his belt when three huge, shaggy shapes emerged from the woods at some silent command. Three massive wolfhounds prowled into the camp, sniffing around suspiciously, nosing at his unused bed of branches. He¡¯d have burned the green boughs, but they smoked too terribly and threw balls of flaming pitch around as they slowly smoldered without heat. Gandree felt a strange sense of disapproval and mild disgust coming from the creatures as they nosed around his camp. ¡°Petunia says those are pitchpine boughs, if you sleep on those, you¡¯ll get all sticky and gross¡­¡± Daisybell giggle at him, while her dance continued. ¡°Are you done playing? Cause I¡¯m not done dancing, Gandree; the boy with two names, who talks like a person.¡± ¡°Just Gandree¡­ please¡­ And, forgive me¡­ you can speak to these creatures?¡± He asked, marveling at the big warm, shaggy hounds. ¡°They¡¯re my familiars¡­¡± Her voice got even higher pitched as she leapt into the pack of mutts snuggling and mauling them fiercely. ¡°Good doggies!¡± ¡°Fascinating¡­¡± he murmured, as bits and pieces began to fall into place. The angle of a tail, a subtle shifting of weight and a snuffle in an ear¡­ it all had meaning, and was there to be ¡®heard¡¯, if he just opened his¡­ something that wasn¡¯t his ears, eyes or nose. Just like that he could hear the ¡®conversation¡¯ that was silently happening all around him. ¡°This guy¡¯s dense¡­¡± Nightshade grumbled, as he stalked around the perimeter of the camp. ¡°No food, either. Can we eat him?¡± Petunia took a sniff of the strange male¡¯s butt and agreed. ¡°He¡¯s clean, no parasites¡­ not even fleas or worms.¡± She liked his hand gently and panted, the boy seemed nervous suddenly, for some reason¡­ ¡°He smells scared all the sudden¡­ is something near?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± the big black dog rumbled from the edge of the overhang. ¡°All good.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ he couldn¡¯t possibly¡­¡± Jasmine sniffed the breeze and glanced at Petunia, who was shoving her head under the boy¡¯s hand hoping for an ear rub that was not materializing. The boy still seemed frightened and very uncomfortable¡­ ¡°Petunia, if he doesn¡¯t start rubbing your ears, you should bite him.¡± She complained. ¡°Give him like, five heartbeats.¡± He immediately began with the fingerstuff, doing his job as a primate. Jasmine sniffed with satisfaction and growled in response. ¡°This guy can hear us, boss.¡± ¡°Really?¡± The strangely cute girl giggled and bounced on her toes, in honest and gleeful joy. ¡°Aren¡¯t you glad I didn¡¯t let you eat him up?¡± She demanded of the big black dog. Jasmine sighed at her mistress and nudged her with a wide, wolfy forehead. ¡°You did no such thing, boss¡­ The eating option is still available.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll do no such thingiee!¡± The girl squealed imperiously. ¡°I forbid you to hurts him¡­ I¡¯m bringing him home home, to king papa!¡± She stamped her foot and that was final. Her bright green eyes landed back on Gandree who was still rubbing the big wolfhound¡¯s ear for all he was worth. ¡°Why¡¯d you pretend stupid, beast talker? That was sneaky sneaky!¡± She huffed as she prowled over, looking him up and down appraisingly. ¡°King papa will know what to do about you¡­¡± ¡°I can¡¯t just¡­ Your friends wanted to eat me!¡± He complained, but he kept up with the fingies¡­ ¡°Nightshade only suggested that¡­ as an option.¡± Jasmine offered helpfully. ¡°I¡¯d rather not eat talking meat¡­ that seems very¡­ uncivilized.¡± ¡°He¡¯s good at finger stuff tooo¡­¡± Petunia moaned under his hands. ¡°That settles it!¡± Daisybelle chirped. ¡°We head home home to see king papa and Gandree Lotsanames comes withsies!¡± ¡°Why should I trust you¡­¡± He asked weakly. ¡°I told you, I¡¯m Daisybelle¡­¡± She answered with a confused look in her eye. When he just sat there looking dumb and playing with her mutt¡¯s ear, she pointed at the lushly flowering and fruiting blackberry vines, painstakingly and realistically embroidered on her coat cuffs. ¡°Daisybelle¡­¡± When he still looked confused she sighed elaborately and bowed again, with a put upon look on her little face. ¡°King papa Ghnash is my papa¡­ I¡¯m princess Daisybelle, warg knight of the goblin king.¡± # Krulguth smelled warg¡­ and goblin girl¡­ and something else, like man, but not. Like the bearded stoneskins, but not, something different, and the same¡­ either way, meat was meat and he was so hungry. He stalked the trail cautiously; on these barren heights a shift in the wind could turn predator into prey in a moment. He¡¯d learned what fear was, again¡­ after forgetting all about it when he¡¯d become troll Krulguth, leaving his cowardly goblin self far behind. Since he¡¯d eaten that crawling inchy-pinchy that had been so determined to eat him, he¡¯d left fear behind, save the fear of fire. Fire burned, fire seared, fire left him not whole and lesser¡­ It still burned, the flaming demon¡¯s brand. He remembered fear now; and wanted to make these fresh meats feel it, instead. # ¡°We still need a healer or medic and a journeyman supervisor¡­¡± Perry grumbled in Rio¡¯s cottage above the lakeshore, overlooking Wilf¡¯s house. ¡°I¡¯m a qualified lay healer¡­¡± Lindsey mumbled quietly. ¡°I never learned the sacred spells and couldn¡¯t use them if I had¡­ but I¡¯m still a trained and certified field medic.¡± She blushed and hung her head to hide her face, thinking of her lost Contract, so swiftly forgotten. Harry grinned like the cat that just figured out how to get into the creamery. He clapped a gentle hand down on the slender girl¡¯s shoulder and sighed with pure happiness. ¡°That means, if we can find a supervisor, we¡¯re all good¡­¡± ¡°But who?¡± Barry asked, as he scooted over and sat closer to Lindsey. Harry met his eyes significantly and made an exaggerated yawn in silent pantomime¡­ twice. ¡°Do you need a nap, bro?¡± ¡°No¡­ Ok, maybe. You¡¯re exhausting.¡± He sighed. Lindsey sighed as well, and followed it up with an exaggerated yawn of her own, that somehow became a mighty stretch, which ended with her slender arms wrapped around the wide, muscular shoulders of Barry, who had no clue what just happened. ¡°We¡¯ll workshop that¡­ you two rest, you look¡­ tired still.¡± Harry offered, as he chivvied his two brothers out of the little pink stucco house. ¡°...and someone should check your bandage.¡± He called,as the door closed, leaving the pair alone, again. After a few precious minutes just sitting there, Lindsey pulled herself away from him and sighed just a little. ¡°Your brother is right, we should check and re-dress your wound and put you to bed¡­ you lost more blood than you let on, I think. You seem pale.¡± Like all the Ward houses, near the front door, back door and kitchen there were prominently marked cabinets, emblazoned with the serpent wound staff of the healer¡¯s and pharmacists arts. Each one was fully stocked with a cornucopia of precious and rare things, beside all the usual utter mundanities, like bandages and the bent metal clips used to secure them; sewing kits with clean sharp needles beside vials of astringent and cleaning solutions. Among the treasures were packets of fresh Violet Salve, bearing the maker¡¯s mark of the Ginger Dreadnought¡­ the finest available. Beside those were waxed paper boxes of the apricot flavored, chewy nuggets that Adventurers and cavalry swore by for both people and horses. When eaten after vigorous activity, they aided recovery in a number of subtle ways. The humble, rather tasty treats prevented cramps after exertions or battle, encouraged users to drink more water, increased blood pressure and improved blood flow overall. Other, stranger things she left alone, taking only what she would need for the job at hand. ¡°Uhh. it¡¯s on my upper thigh¡­ like¡­ really upper thigh¡­¡± Barry mumbled, when he saw where this was going. ¡°We just discussed this. As team medic, officially¡­ drop your pants and lay back.¡± Her grin of delight undercut her professional credentials, but no one was there to hear Barry¡¯s complaints. Even with that stupid grin plastered all over her beautiful, sweet face, she was brisk and professional as she dressed the wound. It was a long, ragged gash near his crotch, perilously close to some things she was certain were still working just fine. More concerning, it had come very close to the major artery and only good fortune had prevented a deadly dangerous injury. She briskly and gently cleaned the injury and dressed it with a fresh bandage¡­ that had to go around some very ticklish places, while he was forced to lay there and blush ferociously. # ¡°Sorry, boys¡­ I must follow my duke¡¯s commands.¡± Sir Kermal answered gently. ¡°I¡¯d be proud to have you, but I¡¯m headed to Port Erasmus.. and I doubt you parents want you hunting slavers around the south Shallow Sea.¡± ¡°No, probably not¡­¡± Harry mumbled. ¡°We¡¯re gonna have to sign up for street patrols and gobb hunting at the guild hall¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t feel down kid¡­¡± Kermal sighed while ruffling the huge lad¡¯s hair. That only worked ¡®cause he was sitting down. ¡°Most bands start out with minor monster hunts and local irritants. Saving a farmer¡¯s sheep from a wallowbear or goblin band isn¡¯t glamorous, but it¡¯s honest work.¡± He patted the disconsolate giant on the shoulder. ¡°There¡¯s monsters aplenty out there, and more dungeons than most people think.¡± Kermal watched the kids head off, three big, young lads marching along in light armor, headed for the Adventure guild, just angrily hoping a goblin would stumble in their path on the way. # ¡°Clear the room, on pain of death!¡± The High Deacon¡¯s voice roared out, scattering the human faithful before him and sending them scrambling for the doors. Once only the blessed remained, the richly robed man seated on the highest throne in the cathedral spoke: ¡°Read that again. That is not correct.¡± Grand Pontiff Luminar the seventeenth gasped. ¡°Omar of the hundred eyes has been defeated?¡± The scribe read his message again, extending his eyestalks on pseudopods, in case his vessel¡¯s flesh eyes were deceiving him. ¡°Yes, it says defeated¡­ by this necropolis lord and his army of crypt dregs and wights. Blessing of the light be upon your holiness¡­¡± ¡°Impossible¡­ He was in a fresh vessel, he should have been¡­¡± He gasped as his own decrepit vessel wheezed and lurched around him. ¡°I¡¯ll need a new one soon too. Fetch me the Fleshsculptor¡­ She will have insights into this undead pest.¡± He sagged back, disgusted by the weakness of his decaying human mount. All these years, feeding his disgusting mortal appetites and guiding him to the heights of power, now he was failing just when true success was in reach. Pontiff Luxor on the sealed world, behind the void gate, was simply gone. She had been thriving for so long, anchoring his own rise in this world. Now his sister was gone, seeming to have been snatched from the eternal ether, as if she had tasted mortal death¡­ That impossibility alone was terrifying, now a few short mortal years later, this unknown, nameless, undead haunt had appeared¡­ and begun snuffing out his lesser servitors¡­ permanently. So far as he could discern, none of their lights remained in the eternal ether¡­ In the interminable ¡®time¡¯ it took for his servant to arrive, Lumos contemplated impossibility. It had been rumored among the dwellers outside, that some new thing had appeared, done things that were impossible and then been snuffed out¡­ He sniffed his vessel¡¯s nostrils in disgust. The idea that an immortal could be ¡®slain¡¯ was ridiculous and beyond the mere impossible. Luxor still existed out there¡­ somewhere beyond his reach¡­ # ¡°Blessings of the light be upon you, Grand Pontiff¡­ I await your desires.¡± Fleshsculptor moaned eagerly through her several, sewn together living human faces. Her preference was for young females¡­ or very young males, but those were so in demand she¡¯d been making due with older stock for a while. This was a golden opportunity to acquire some new living humans to work with. Hopefully a brace of young ones that were old enough to feel terror and horror properly and last a bit longer. ¡°I desire your insights into mortality and the nature of mortal undeath¡­¡± He clattered his mount¡¯s bony fingers on the gilt arm of his throne, bejeweled rings chiming softly on his skeletal, blue veined hand. ¡°We have a new problem, one that is proving resistant to my clerics¡¯ mortal sorceries and has even engulfed a few of my lesser servants¡­ somehow.¡± ¡°The new lich thing and its necropolis of shadows? I have already begun investigating¡­ and have received an interesting thing or two.¡± She wrung several of her hands together in glee, as one of her servants brought a finely wrought trunk forward from a nearby transept. The undead hulk shambled forward bearing the heavy box in its gray green arms with ease. ¡°Zombie ogre¡­¡± She said with some pride. ¡°Very good for carrying things. I put a living human brain in there to keep it moving¡­ I¡¯ll be needing more of those¡­¡± She murmured greedily from her weeping, tear stained faces. When the box landed with a soft thud, Fleshsculptor slithered over on her serpent tail of braided human muscles, wrapped in a patchwork sheath of human skin, all sewn together with intricate care. She opened the chest and drew out a garment of some kind, decorated with many, many human eyes, peering out from the cloak of fine, soft, human leather. Each eye looked about and moved, blinking and staring in horror at the world around it with silent dread. ¡°This is Omar of the hundred eyes¡­¡± She announced quietly. ¡°The mortal, undead tormented construct of Omar¡¯s remaining consciousness and Will.¡± Luxor sat back and chuckled a soft, wheezing laugh. ¡°Impossible.¡± Was all he said. ¡°The wight that did this left him no mouth to speak, no muscles nor bones, no motive force or spark of Agency¡­He is a mortal, undead magical tool now, one that will be destroyed eventually, even if just by rotting away under the weight of time.¡± Fleshsculptor whispered in sublime delight. ¡°Mighty Omar, the all seeing is now a simple work of mortal craft¡­ and a masterpiece of revenge. He remains conscious, aware and utterly impotent, completely subjugated to the Will of the wearer and unable to touch this world.¡± She giggled again, with true pleasure in the awful, laughing chorus. ¡°He suffers as only mortals can and will be no more, once this construct is no more¡­ Genius, and impossible.¡± She dropped the once mighty demon to the floor carelessly and dug in her box again. This time she produced a strangely shaped object of bones, skin and sinew, strung on a framework of metal and wood. A face stared out in mute horror and agony from the round body of the thing. ¡°Mortals call this a ¡®banjo¡¯.¡± She dared instruct the Pontiff in his throne room, her faces shining with happiness as she strummed a discordant note from the instrument. ¡°What care I, for mortal music?¡± Lumos demanded, tiring of these mad games. ¡°This is Knisinns, the stolen face, your missing first assassin. He too has been¡­ remade into a prison for his¡­ now mortal essence. These are the bones and sinew, and this is the face of his immortal spirit, made flesh and crafted with devious arts and some magic I fail to recognize¡­ But it is a work of a mortal¡¯s hands¡­ that is certain.¡± Her glee was so great she began to ooze bodily fluids from several of her orifices onto the waxed marble floor. ¡°I simply must meet this artisan, and flay his secrets from his soul...¡± # Cumbaya… Ch:7 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Cumbaya¡­ Ch:7 ¡°It¡¯s primitive, but very nicely wrought¡­ This thing is designed to strike the immaterial and ghosts, without any protections for the living. To a person, this is just a nasty, little stone headed mace.¡± Gary murmured over Ivy¡¯s find. ¡°A goblin had this?¡± ¡°Yeah, we mopped up a band near Bridgewater or Bywater¡­ Some little human town across the mountains. Nice folks.¡± Ivy mumbled to her mad wizard friend. ¡°This thing felt¡­ like it should definitely be out of goblin hands.¡± ¡°It¡¯s goblin made, I think¡­ but it¡¯s really good¡­ If I had only primitive tools to work with and no access metals¡­ yeah¡­ This is something I might have made¡­¡± He looked concerned for a moment and peered closer at the faint markings on the worn lump of jadeite. ¡°It almost feels like I did make this¡­¡± He whispered. # ¡°I¡¯m telling you, papa made these.¡± Wilf muttered angrily. ¡°I know it¡¯s impossible, but these are his skills and techniques.¡± He draped a rune and glyph embroidered cloth over the filthy ¡®musical instruments¡¯ laying on his workbench. ¡°The flesh, bones and sinew are all human; but the motive force and Will inside is definitely an outsider¡­ these things are someone¡¯s vengeance¡­ on a demon, or rather, three demons.¡± Ward said softly from his seat in the circle of concerned schemers. ¡°These have no trace of a living human¡¯¡¯s essence or soul. That I can tell you, these were made from flesh that was empty. All these body parts have been completely cleansed with a very fine funeral rite.¡± ¡°Well, that sounds like our boy¡­¡± Liam grumbled sourly. ¡°But there¡¯s no way he made those horrible things.¡± ¡°Like I said earlier, these¡­ objects were made within the last year¡­¡± Wilf insisted quietly. ¡°Perhaps two years ago at the most. We were in Wheatford; and he was under the eyes of the clerical council the entire time.¡± ¡°Aye, he hae been by mine side all these years, save when he were¡­¡± Shai halted there for a moment and took a deep breath. ¡°Tis impossible.¡± ¡°Shai¡­¡± Becky whispered gently, with her arm around her giant sister¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Think about what you just said¡­¡± She sucked her teeth quietly and smiled. ¡°His soul is still here¡­ But so are Harry, Perry, Larry, Barry and Ward¡­¡± She grinned at the gathered company and laughed just a little madly, like her mad brother from another world... ¡°He¡¯s still out there, somewhere, shouting the one thing he¡¯s always insisted on: He always answers ¡®impossible¡¯ with ¡®I¡¯m possible¡­¡¯ Every time.¡± # ¡°Ugh¡­ why Malus?¡± Barry groaned softly, when the pug ugly, short and stocky warrior stomped out to meet their party on the parade ground with the other patrol groups. Seven small clusters of armed and armored young people waited on the pavers, six groups bearing blue and golden yellow pennants on their spears that signified the countess¡¯ ducklings. The small warbands were each joined by a veteran warrior as their commanding officer, familiar and friendly faces all. First squad drew Jeng, the scout, second got Bran, the enormous heavy fighter who was Malus¡¯ second¡­ And so it went until the squat, grumpy man stood before the Wards and scowled. ¡°Bad luck for me and for you¡­ we are stuck with each other¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, stuff it you old geezer.¡± Harry grumbled right back, followed by a jeering wink and a scowling sneer. Mortified, Lindsey dropped her helmet¡¯s visor and tried to shrink back into the group, as the two started quarreling like an old married couple, right there on the parade ground. ¡°Try and keep up, you stump legged old fart. You¡¯ll get left behind.¡± ¡°Wretched spratling! I¡¯ll have you over my knee again, as when you were a babe, still messing your drawers!¡± The older warrior shouted in Harry¡¯s face, showering him with spittle and stale coffee breath. The rest of the warbands departed quickly and quietly, lest whatever mess was going to rain down on the weird new kids should splatter onto their bands as well. ¡°...Don¡¯t take your erectile dysfunction out on us, you limp donged coot! Shove your withered cock up your own ass for a thrill instead!¡± Harry shouted right back, getting all up in the shorter veteran¡¯s space aggressively. The muscular older man raised his hand high and brought it down in a loud slap on Harry¡¯s armored shoulder, as the man chuckled and smiled. ¡°Nice one¡­ Come on kids, let¡¯s get moving, you can gear up once we¡¯re out of town.¡± Lindsey looked at her new team, kitted out in standard light training armor and did her best to disappear, while wondering what kind of madness she had signed up for. ¡°Malus is an old family friend.¡± Barry whispered. ¡°We¡¯re going to be on ¡®disciplinary patrol¡¯... so the other bands don¡¯t think we¡¯re getting special treatment.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ Did you just get me put on discipline duty¡­ as a joke?!¡± She snapped at Barry and the rest, sounding furious behind her visor. ¡°We learned our lesson in Wheatford¡­¡± Harry explained as they marched. ¡°We fight differently, our gear is different, we have different methods and priorities than most warbands, that makes us stand out.¡± ¡°We wind up hanging out with the veterans, instructors, clerics and even nobles¡­ cause they all know our folks or visit the inn.¡± Perry complained. ¡°The others started treating us like rich kids¡­¡± ¡°But you are ¡®rich kids¡¯¡­¡± Malus opined cheerfully. ¡°That¡¯s why we put you right on punishment detail, stuck you with a shitty, really long patrol route and saddled you with a hardass for your supervisor.¡± ¡°This way, our ¡®special treatment¡¯ is because we¡¯re a huge pain in the ass. They¡¯ll assume our weird stuff is just stupid kids being stupid and rebellious.¡± Larry said with a wide, happy grin. ¡°Welcome to team Clownshoes¡­¡± ¡°We all vetoed ¡®Clownshoes¡¯. It¡¯s not happening, bro.¡± Harry sighed tiredly at the weird one. ¡°Team names are important¡­choose wisely, kids.¡± Malus rumbled happily as they marched along. He would begin berating them at random when a strolling citizen neared, or when they encountered any guards or patrols on their eastward march out of town. ¡°We¡¯ll have several days to think that over, while we¡¯re tracking these little goblin bands back to their source. Reports suggest they¡¯re coming from the mountains to the northeast.¡± ¡°I thought we would be on local patrols¡­¡± Lindsey asked, sounding a little querulous and unsure. ¡°Nope, punishment detail roughing it in the woods with me and a pair of the count¡¯s ¡®rangers¡¯.¡± He answered eagerly as two people stepped out of a narrow lane, with two horses behind them and a man riding a small, two horse wagon at the end of their little parade. ¡°Oh, good¡­ there¡¯s no way I can carry enough supplies for a week in my shadow.¡± Barry sighed when the wagon appeared. ¡°You have a storage gift?¡± Lindsey asked quietly while the wagon was clattering into formation. ¡°We all do, mine¡¯s just the strongest. The others all have some weird limitations we¡¯re working out¡­ new Contracts.¡± He shrugged sheepishly, as though that were something embarrassing. ¡°So that¡¯s where all that armor and those weapons came from¡­¡± She murmured quietly. ¡°I can carry any amount of weapons, armor, clothing or gear, as long as it was made by one of us, or our folks.¡± He whispered. ¡°After that, I can manage about a hundred pounds of regular stuff, like food.¡± ¡°That¡¯s amazing!¡± She cooed eagerly. ¡°Who¡­ who is your Contract with¡­¡± She asked gently. ¡°Do¡­ do, you mind?¡± ¡°Sure, I have Axio¡¯tielele¡­ it¡¯s hard to say, we just call him Axio. He¡¯s the spirit of high mountain lakes and waterways, ponds and slow moving canals¡­¡± He spoke a little more softly, as if hoping she wouldn¡¯t hear, but Flash was as keen of hearing as any mortal horse. ¡°...and mortal decomposition.¡± ¡°Fascinating¡­ is he one of the mysterious fae beings we¡¯ve been hearing about?¡± She leaned in closer, excited by the prospect. ¡°Mortal decomposition¡­ interesting! Forensics was a personal field of interest¡­ when I was at the temple.¡± ¡°Forensics?¡± Barry asked, as they marched. ¡°It¡¯s a new field of study, lady Trelawny and count Liam are keenly interested in how biological processes can be used to reduce undead occurrences and help track monsters by examining their¡­ residue to determine how long ago the¡­ spoor was¡­. Deposited¡­.¡± ¡°You study rotten dead things and shit?¡± Larry asked loudly from nearby. ¡°Yes, yes I do, mister nosey.¡± She answered tartly. ¡°I¡¯ve heard of this new study¡­ Perhaps we shall all find this time together instructive.¡± Larksong murmured from the head of the column. ¡°Learn what you may about monster poop while you can, lest you become monster poop in your ignorance.¡± Runningtree announced, as though quoting a proverb; much of what she said sounded like a proverb handed down by the ancients, packed with hidden meaning and subtle shades of deeper wisdom¡­ A perception fostered by the tribal finery she wore. Her panoply was a splendid display of bones, beads, antlers and such, cunningly wrought and sewn onto a flexible, monster leather armor suit. She moved in near silence in her elaborate gear and could vanish among the trees in a moment, despite the bright colors and polished bones. ¡°You like this armor of mine?¡± The veteran Adventurer asked, dropping back to chat with the nervous looking girl and her silly horse. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. ¡°Yours is just as fine¡­ and suits you well, young equestrian.¡± ¡°This? It¡¯s wonderful, but this is just training armor for sparring and riding ¡®bikes¡¯...¡± She murmured, looking down at her sculpted, wooden half breastplate with all those ventilation holes. ¡°On that note, it¡¯s about time you kids got dressed for action.¡± Malus opined mildly. The boys shrugged four sets of shoulders as if they were one person and called a halt near a small clearing. Barry and Perry started roaming the grassy field, laying out six small stacks of¡­ stuff. Separated into distinct, orderly piles. Out came armor pieces, strange shaped objects, weapons and supplies all neatly placed. The boys paired off quickly, each one helping the other with their things in ways that were difficult to understand. Before three minutes had elapsed, all four Ward boys were kitted out in their distinctive, but uniform looking armor of wooden plates, monster leather and spider silk. Barry was a pale green suit of medium heavy armor, with a long sabre and his strange, sword-hilted iron bar slung, one above the other at his hip. Larry was a dark, yellow-brown light armored scout, with a light crossbow slung on his back and a long, straight sword at his waist. Perry was heavy armored, in dark brown and green lacquered plates of wood and steel over a suit of braided spider silk. His wide bladed spear and quiver of short, fletched javelins had replaced the warclub he¡¯d used in their goblin battle. Harry wore very light armor and held only a flute of some strange, yellowed bone with bronze fittings. He had small tufts of feathers tucked into loops all over his gear, in all the muted shades and hues she could imagine, laid out in an orderly pattern. Closer examination of his odd costume revealed them to be feather tufted darts, clusters of them in different shapes and colors. Some were blunt; others, needle or chisel pointed. They were all different substances too, steel, bamboo, bronze, and bone were all represented, along with a variety of woods and stranger things. Harry caught her looking at his getup and smiled. ¡°I¡¯m only just fourteen¡­ I¡¯m along as a support member, non combatant, officially.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not quads?¡± She asked the slightly smaller boy. ¡°I thought the ¡®four triplets¡¯ thing was some family joke¡­¡± ¡°Barry¡­¡± Harry called out angrily. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell her?¡± ¡°I couldn¡¯t find a way to¡­¡± He mumbled, looking deeply ashamed. ¡°I was gonna tell her¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ll explain while we get you two kitted out.¡± Harry sighed as he came over to where Flash and Lindsey were standing beside piles of stuff. ¡°You two clowns¡­ work on the horsie. Perry, Help me with our new sister.¡± Barry and Perry went over to ¡®work on¡¯ Flash, while the other brothers turned on her. ¡°We¡¯re not really triplets, or brothers even.¡± Harry murmured quietly as he began fitting sculpted wooden plates onto her training armor. Each one had cunning pins, pegs and clips that slipped into the ¡®vent holes¡¯ and clicked into place solidly, slowly becoming a suit of light, comfortable, medium armor suitable for mounted combat. ¡°We¡¯ll leave the rest off, but there¡¯s a full suit of heavy field plate in your kit.¡± He handed her a spear much like the one she¡¯d stolen from them in the goblin battle. It had been stolen back in the confusing aftermath by one of the rascals and she was determined to find it again, but this one felt even more deliciously dangerous. Like the other, it was bronze, hefty, on the short side for a spear, with a heavy, iron knob on the safe end for bashing. This one was embellished with elaborate scrollwork decorations, etched deeply into the metal point and knob, as well as the red and brown striated ironwood shaft. It balanced and spun as lightly as a bamboo rod, while feeling as solid, reliable and hefty as any finely made weapon could. ¡°You liked that spear, so we had the Ragamuffins finish it off, while we worked on your armor; Amy, Rio and Wilf do fine work.¡± Harry murmured. ¡°Like I was saying all four of us are¡­ in many ways, the same person. We¡¯re scions of our dad, cut away from his soul by a malignant demon worshiping cult and rooted in this plane as new and unique souls.¡± The two boys kept clicking parts and plates in, tightening straps and essentially dressing the stunned girl while she tried to digest that. ¡°So, you and your brothers¡­¡± ¡°We¡¯re different people; like quadruplets, we started the same, as babies, just like the normies.¡± He smiled a boyish, charming grin, one not even a little like the mad death¡¯s head grimace their father usually displayed. ¡°We grew up together and are brothers in all the ways that matter, but we¡¯re also still the same person in a few ways that can be¡­ confusing to outside observers¡­ and new friends.¡± He finished with a fond smile at her, holding her eyes for a moment. ¡°We¡¯re just people.¡± ¡°I¡¯m pretty confused¡­¡± She offered helpfully. ¡°If you take a tree¡­ take cuttings of that tree, get them to grow roots of their own, and plant them in different places, what do you have?¡± He asked gently, before providing the answer a moment later. ¡°The same tree, each living their own lives and growing into a shape that is unique and reflects the challenges and conditions of their individual environments.¡± ¡°Just think of us as quads. Don¡¯t hurt yourself trying to figure it out.¡± Perry suggested. ¡°If it comes up, you know; if it doesn¡¯t¡­¡± He shrugged. ¡°Tell her about her gear¡­ that¡¯s more important.¡± ¡°Right¡­¡± Harry agreed readily, glad to be done with that. ¡°Your armor is magical. A construct of rare and highly magical components enspelled into a potent defense and utility tool.¡± He held up a hand to silence her. ¡°Just accept that. Otherwise we¡¯ll be here all day. There¡¯s a little tube sticking out of your gorget that will give you fresh clean water on demand; two gallons a day in even the most arid environments, be sure to drink up.¡± He had a little parchment sheet in his hand, as he read off his list. ¡°Your armor won¡¯t sink in water unless you want it to¡­ and there¡¯s a tube in the helmet that can provide fresh air for fifteen minutes under water¡­ remember that if you encounter any airborne toxins or irritants. It can filter the air indefinitely as long as you¡¯re above water. It has good elemental resists built in, with a focus on kinetic energy¡­ that¡¯s bashing attacks.¡± He smiled when she just nodded. ¡°We¡¯ll be able to track you as long as you are wearing it and it has a deep pockets enchantment that will hold your full medical kit and about sixty pounds of other gear.¡± ¡°Slow down bro.¡± Perry grumbled. ¡°We have time, they¡¯re getting the bikes ready now.¡± ¡°Cool¡­ where was I?¡± He grinned and consulted his note again. ¡°Pockets¡­ sixty pounds¡­ Oh, yeah! There¡¯s a full camping kit in Flash¡¯s gear, enspelled to repel bugs, parasites, spirits and minor predators.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll catch you up on everything when we encamp.¡± Larry said from atop his bike, while Barry pulled his tandem up beside her. Wordlessly, the poor girl mounted the saddle, wrapped her arms around her armored boy and held on while her horse totted down the road, giggling at the mad stew her mind and emotions had become¡­ # ¡°Forgive me, Daisybelle¡­ I¡¯d always been told that goblins were¡­ aggressive and unreasonable¡­¡± He said very carefully, as she and her three hounds bedded down in his formerly private camp. ¡°Oh yeah, they¡¯re ¡®unreasonable¡¯ little cannibal shits. They¡¯re all ballsacks and appetites, never turn your back on a goblin.¡± She agreed. ¡°That¡¯s goblin boys, filthy buggers.¡± She had a stretch, kissed each of her doggies and curled up in the middle of them. ¡°I gotta sleep. There¡¯s food in Nightshade¡¯s bag. He wanted to eat you so he gives up his snacks.¡± ¡°Hey¡­¡± The black hound grumbled a little but shoved a saddle bag out of his thick, furry ruff with his nose. Gandree picked it up carefully, since those huge teeth were still right there. ¡°That¡¯s trashworm pemmican, goblin maidens don¡¯t share that with just anyone.¡± She bubbled merrily. ¡°Hash some up on a hot rock¡­ so tasty tasty. Daisybelle paused, rubbed her tummy and smiled. ¡°That sounds good¡­ Petunia, go get him some firewood. Now I¡¯m hungry too.¡± The stuff turned out to be stiff, fatty blocks of a dense clay like substance that, when heated with Daisybelle¡¯s flat rock hash method, became a thick, meat gruel that was savory and faintly sweet smelling. She scraped it onto slabs of flat, dry bread from her pack, handed him one and crunched down on hers eagerly. His first bite was questionable¡­ it was a little greasy and had some strange spice and fruit thing going on. A second bite sealed the deal as it exploded in a rich, roasty, meaty flavor that reminded him of the mince pies served at the clan lord¡¯s table. Or how he imagined they tasted. He¡¯d only washed up the dishes from the head table. His meals had always been with the lowest ranked apprentices. Gandree shoved those thoughts down and savored this deeply strange moment of peace and camaraderie with a blood enemy of his former clan. ¡°I knew those dusty old cunts were full of shit.¡± He mumbled to himself, right before the world turned upside down. # Krulguth smelled them, they were close, and close together¡­ he smelled food too¡­ he¡¯d wait till they slept¡­ Daylight held no more fear for him¡­ he¡¯d left his fear of light and open spaces behind with his feeble gobb form. He was more, now¡­ and hungry. After a terrible long wait, with that spear pointy thingee jabbing his guts with every hungry convulsion of his bowels, he crept around the outcropping to see what he could find¡­ Nothing. They were gone gone! He stomped his one foot, raged in his desperate hunger and howled at the uncaring sky. # The creature was awful. Twelve feet tall and long limbed in a very unnatural way, it was gaunt to the point of starvation. Some obstruction or foreign object was lodged inside its emaciated abdomen; poking out from behind the tough gray-green skin unpleasantly. The thing only had one leg, the other was shorn off just below the knee, leaving the maimed troll crawling on three limbs. It howled and stomped, flailed and beat its breast then finally it fled. Furious and ravenous, it scurried down the mountainside on three limbs like a hideous crippled spider. Gandree saw all this unfold upside down, from where he¡¯d been grabbed, hauled up and shoved into a ball behind the three wolfhounds and little Daisybelle, who had a short, stone headed mace in her right hand and a long, wicked looking, wooden paddle shield, edged and studded with obsidian shards in her left hand. ¡°Shh¡­ Troll!¡± She hissed, as he started to extricate himself from where he¡¯d been shoved so suddenly. ¡°How does he not attack? Is he double stupid?¡± ¡°I warded my camp against hostile creatures¡­ it can¡¯t see, hear or smell us, so long as we stay under the stone roof.¡± He pointed up, to where a bas relief had been freshly carved in the native stone. A smiling and benevolent female face gazed down on the little flat space under the granite slab, among the thorn bushes, granting them a subtle grace that gorse, bramble briar and prickle poke seldom enjoyed. ¡°Only a truly natural beast will be able to find us here. Their aggression is without malice, and a part of this world.¡± He whispered reverently. ¡°Under the veil of the goddess Cowl, lady of Joy, malice cannot see.¡± He smiled shyly and shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m kinda good at wards, runes, glyphs and inscriptions.¡± ¡°So confident in your goddess, you feared not a troll? Maybe he¡¯s not the only one who¡¯s double stupid.¡± She complained. ¡°I¡¯ve seen trolls before. I even talked to one¡­¡± He grinned wickedly. ¡°Once it was safely stuck in my warding circle.¡± ¡°Oh, there¡¯s a story there! Tell me your storytime tale, boy with too many names.¡± He smiled at the thought of a living person actually listening to him for once and sighed happily. ¡°I¡¯d just turned eight years old, when a young dwarf gets his first trial apprenticeship¡­ and I got some bad news¡­¡± He began as she got comfy in her nest of furry friends, with Gandree leaning against Jasmine¡¯s warm flank. # ¡°ClansWard¡­¡± The dwarf boy grumbled as he stomped through the lower levels, scrounging for low grade ores or small gems in the waste chutes and corners of the mine workings. ¡°Clan¡¯s slave, more like¡­¡± A moment later, his ire was briefly forgotten, when he spotted a treasure jammed in a cleft in the stone. He swooped on a rusty, broken pick head and whistled a merry snatch of birdsong, when he found the tool steel edge still intact. Notched, rusty and blunted, but a two ounce shard of high carbon goodness would be his, once he got the mild steel peeled off and recycled. Deeper and deeper he went, until his greater height became a problem. He took the last branch he could stand upright in and went into the oldest delvings, down where the mountain was so still and quiet, you could hear your own hair grow. At the rune wrought slabs of granite sealing the ancient, forbidden mines, he pressed the tip of his little knife to his thumb and drew a few short strokes in his own blood. With a soft hiss, the forbidden portal opened for him, absorbing all traces of his blood, after it slid silently back into place. He sat on a high ledge above an endless rift into the deepest earth and pulled his greatest treasure from his shadow. Shining brass, bronze, copper and even a few elements of precious silver glinted strangely in the endless dark. His eyes saw clearly in the lightless cavern, as the oldsters said their great great grandfathers could¡­ They saw the things moving in the dark too. Shades, spectres, ghosts, haunts, spooks¡­ men, women, dwarves, humans, elves and other kin, some with the forms of beasts, but the shades of thinking beings passed by in an endless shadowy parade down that chasm¡­ They never paid him any heed; until he played for them. At the first, sweet note, a legion of heads turned to look up, pausing in their endless march into the darkness to listen. With gentle care, he spun the music out for them, letting them dance or simply listen, or pass on by¡­ He felt that he could possibly enforce his will on them in some way, but that would be a desecration of this sacred space. Instead he played on, while some stopped and danced for him, swirling through the lightless void, where only he could see¡­ and hear their soft voices. They were his friends and companions, called forth with the songs and melodies that had touched their living hearts and lingered long after death. They taught him their songs, in return; sung in wordless, breathy whispers. Their stories and songs spun out in dance and pantomime, shared with him,as he shared his with the endless shadow parade. This was his secret alone, the only place where someone listened to him, even if they were the long dead shades of other folks¡¯ kin. At fifteen he¡¯d received more bad news¡­ Some dusty old scroll, conveniently found tucked up the fat arse of a lazy priest of the law, said that a blood relative must stand a bond for any young dwarf to receive a formal craft apprenticeship. Just because no one had actually enforced that law in a thousand years and none of his contemporaries bothered complying with the forgotten rule was no excuse. As a foundling, that meant Gandree would remain the ClansWard until his majority at twenty. The day he¡¯d turned nineteen, more bad news¡­ He¡¯d been commanded to come work on a project for old Flintknapp, the clan¡¯s only ¡®carpenter¡¯. He spent most of his time leaning over Gandree, watching his every move from the master¡¯s bench high above, studying the lad¡¯s quick, sure hands and flashing tools. ¡°Sorry, Foundling.¡± Master Flintknapp had rumbled happily, while admiring the ClansWard¡¯s latest work piece. The runes, glyphs and inscriptions were perfect, clear, concise and fairly crackling with energy. ¡°They ruled just today. No one without a formal apprenticeship can undertake the rites and pass into adulthood.¡± He chortled and tucked the trinket away. ¡°My wife¡¯s going to love this¡­ a magic powered rolling pin!¡± He was still chuckling as he stomped away, leaving tools, scraps the remnants of his lunch scattered on the master¡¯s high bench. ¡°Clean up this worksop, foundling, it¡¯s not fit for pigs to work in.¡± # ¡°They thought I would just be their slave for the rest of my life, making wonders in silent obscurity, to enrich those lazy, empty beards.¡± He sighed quietly into the cool mountain morning. ¡°When they changed the rules the first time, I decided to leave when I could. I started pilfering supplies and tools in earnest, stashing whatever I could and planning my escape¡­ I also hid what I learned from the whisperers in the dark¡­ giving them nothing but pointless trinkets that only served to distract and amuse, while concealing what I could really do.¡± ¡°Sneaky sneaky¡­¡± Daisybelle murmured happily. ¡°You give good storytime, just like king papa¡­ Keep going, boy.¡± He smiled at the adorable creature and carried on. ¡°I found an old escape tunnel, sealed and locked, but that was no trouble. I started sneaking out to explore the mountains outside¡­ that¡¯s when I met Iznitz, the troll.¡± # Just Dessert, I’m Pretty Full Ch: 8 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Just Dessert, I¡¯m Pretty Full Ch: 8 Out in a craggy mountain vale, far from anything and inaccessible to most flightless beings, Iznitz smelled dwarf¡­ or maybe man¡­? Either way, meat was meat and he needed to feed. Trapped in the little wooded valley, unable to climb out, he was slowly starving¡­ and had been for so long. Moths, grubs, squirrels, bird¡¯s nests¡­ even tree bark¡­ he¡¯d eaten everything he could find, dig up or catch as he wandered through the mountains, maimed and broken. Only through dumb luck, by falling from the heights, had he discovered this sheltered vale and the grove of trees standing by a spring fed pool. The hickory nuts he rooted for among the leaf litter and fallen debris failed to do more than keep him alive; but it was all he had, so he nested there and slept. Late that day, when the burning sun was up, the wind shifted and he smelled meat! Faint, barely detectable and strange to his senses, but he needed it so badly. He followed the scent up a slope, skidding and sliding on his feet¡­ since he had no arms at all¡­ Again he cursed the goblin king¡­ that sneaky, cruel little turd. He¡¯d found that little town of goblin girls, fair and square, leaping over their palisade and snatching one or two up for some fun and a snack was his right¡­ They were meat and flesh, he was troll. When the single goblin male had challenged him he¡¯d been cross over the distraction¡­ Nobody liked to be interrupted while he was busy eating one girl and enjoying the pitiful screams of the others¡­ That was the night everything went wrong for poor, hungry Iznitz. The night he learned to fear and what it meant to be powerless. He shook off those dark memories¡­ called up from the past by this scent. This smell was vaguely like that tall, terrible goblin¡¯s¡­ more than vaguely perhaps. He disregarded that thought and climbed on, struggling his way up the mountainside with naught but two feet and his mouth. More than one scraggly bush bore the tooth marks of once mighty Iznitz¡­ as he struggled to keep from slipping down the slope. In a fissure of stone he found the smell, a trail of repeated passings; protected from the wind and weather by a tunnel of worked stone, hidden in the cleft. He crept down that bare tunnel of cut stone, until it ended at a blank wall of immovable rock. Somehow, the meat passed by this obstruction, and would probably emerge again soon, by the scent lingering on the stones. The trail smelt recent, crossing over itself again and again. Canny and clever, he settled in to lurk and wait and scratch the awful, painful lumps lodged deep in his body. # Fourthday was his ¡®day off¡¯, according to the Craft Masters, one day to pursue his own crafts and arts unsupervised. If he could find the resources and get access to a workshop; without being ordered into some drudgery by a higher ranked apprentice or journeyman. One day a week was all he had to himself, if he could avoid being roped into doing another¡¯s chores or duties. At fourteen years old nameless, kinless and still without an official apprenticeship, everyone outranked him, even little kids that were still deucing their drawers¡­ He learned the art of stealth and moving unnoticed quickly, living under the thumbs of the entire hold. Someone always needed mending, sewing, laundry, boots repaired or a pot re-tinned. Evading random chores was a skill he struggled to master, though he did manage to steal some time occasionally. Materials for his crafts posed different challenges. Finding stone, metal and small gems was simple, only silver and gold held the Masters¡¯ and clan lord¡¯s attention, just as only rubies, sapphires, diamonds and such could distract them from the precious metals they loved. Iron and mild steel, copper, bronze, brass and tin were plentiful, he needed only scavenge for low grade ore and painstakingly smelt and purify it, or scavenge from the smelt bins by the forges, when no one was paying attention. Opal, agate, jade, so many minor, flawed and semi precious stones sat around in dusty bins, filching those was simple too. Lumber was always a problem; every stick of wood was jealously guarded, traded from the lumbermen who made the trek up the mountains with their precious stuff to trade for dwarven tools, arts and crafts. He¡¯d never seen those humans, or even heard their voices, since he was always ordered to work in the lower mine levels on the rare market days. Even when the traders came on Fouthday, his supposed ¡®day off¡¯ the Craft Masters always found him before he could get past the apprentice¡¯s gate. Today would be a productive trip, he had marked the trees he would harvest, planning for this with care for weeks now. Gandree reset the seals on the inner doors and began working the outer seals, slowly drawing the slabs back with his will and a small amount of his blood, shaped and empowered in the potent, ancient rune forms that his ¡®Craft Masters¡¯ had long forgotten. Silent and ponderous when opening, the slabs rotated up and back in their smooth polished grooves, not even the faintest rumbling sound accompanied the movement. That marvelous working of the old, forgotten masters saved his life, as he heard something scramble toward him from the tunnel mouth. The doors swung closed much more swiftly, when he released them from his Will. With a terrible crunching and a wet, noisome splat, the young dwarf found himself looking at slightly less than half of a troll, brutally pinched off at the hips, with a ragged and horrifying ruin of wet, bloody¡­ stuff dragging behind, as it inch-wormed toward him with a ravenous look in it¡¯s eyes. Almost as horrifying as the ruin of its lower half; the being¡¯s shoulders ended in old puckered scars rather than arms. The broken, armless, legless and barely alive thing was too wrecked to do more than creep toward the young dwarf, emitting pitiful, hungry moans. The lad made a snap decision, seeing a glimmer of his own situation in the pathetic wretch. With quick, sure moves, he drew the signs on the walls in his own blood, from his still bleeding thumb. Traps and wards older than any living memory of dwarfkind slowly sprang back to life, drawing a trickle of energy from him, through those traces of blood. He felt something inside, as he drew more magic from himself and slowly fed it into the runes. He felt his Mana pool empty and pushed on past the familiar ache and empty feeling in his stomach, seeking more; there had to be more¡­ there was always more when he really needed it. He found it, deep inside; answering his call. He drew the balance of what was needed from a swelling and suddenly very present part of himself¡­ deep in his ribcage. As a strange, welcome warmth bloomed inside his heart, the creature¡¯s slow attack halted. The floor beneath the creature sank down, dropping as it scooted forward on its chin, ever so slowly. Only a narrow walkway on the side of the hidden pit remained, allowing passage down the tunnel. Wards and runes appeared on the walls of the shallow pit, binding, restraining and isolating the thing from the world in an invisible jar of magical force. ¡°Can you speak, creature?¡± Gandree asked the slavering wretch, as he pulled a long handled woodsmans¡¯ axe from his shadow. ¡°You look less like a beast than I would expect.¡± ¡°Come closer, meat¡­ Iznitz needs your flesh¡­¡± It gasped, through ragged and torn lips slashed by its own jagged fangs, lips that healed even as the young dwarf watched. ¡°You¡¯re a troll¡­ aren¡¯t you? Is that your name? Iznitz?¡± He asked. ¡°What happened to your arms? I thought your kind could grow back any lost limb.¡± ¡°Feed me, meat!¡± It howled, thrashing and crawling around the circle seal trap; the creature mewled and scrambled, gnashing with its fangs at imobile walls of magic, force, art and craft. ¡°No.¡± He answered coldly, finding less in common with this thing than he¡¯d thought. ¡°Tell me of the outside world and perhaps I¡¯ll find something for you.¡± The creature spat and snarled, howled and moaned incoherently, so the lad went about his mission. He slipped past the imprisoned monster and out into the little hidden vale. Smaller trees were scattered around, broken and uprooted; the pool was cloudy and muddy, the stones bordering the neat and tidy pond scattered and overturned. The fish were gone, eaten or lost over the falls, no doubt. Those trout were a huge loss. He¡¯d been feeding the fish hickory nuts, mushroom meal bread and scraps, tending them with big plans for his escape in mind¡­ He sighed at the mess the beast had made of his hickory coppice. He¡¯d been cultivating the little grove for two years in secret, providing the wood needed for his personal crafts, since the craft masters watched those precious commodities with jealous zeal. Any theft of lumber would be discovered instantly; even scraps or remnants larger than a toothpick were precious enough to draw their ire. Discovering the forgotten tunnel and hidden vale with its tiny grove of slender hardwood trees was a huge deal for the, then twelve year old dwarf lad. It remained a resource he would kill to protect. He salvaged what he could, replanted the trees he had hope might survive and harvested the pieces he¡¯d come for. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. A few of the tough saplings would provide what he needed; a spear shaft, a hand axe handle and some random odds and ends. The thick bolled yellow pine he¡¯d been planning to let grow for at least another year needed to come down too. The creature had stripped and eaten the bark from its former head height, down to the ground¡­ that tree was dead. Six hours later, Gandree staggered back into the tunnel, exhausted and filthy, but with more than he¡¯d expected from the trip, stashed in his shadow, hidden where the Craft Masters would never find it. When he returned, the creature¡¯s lower half had healed into a smooth stump, with no traces of its ruined legs to be seen at the bottom of the noisome pit. It resumed its loud demands for meat and that he step inside the trap and submit to being devoured¡­ ¡°Shut up, asshole¡­ Did you eat your own legs and tackle? Gross!¡± ¡°Meat is meat is meat¡­ meat!¡± It wailed, before renewing its demands that he climb between its jaws and feed his rightful master. Slowly, the hidden working of the trap began to move, raising the pitiful creature back up to the tunnel floor. ¡°Yes! Submit, submit and feed me!¡± Was all it could say, before his long axe flashed out, taking the top of its dome off and spilling troll brains all over the floor. He stomped the gooey gray lump flat, then started the grisly work of actually killing the filthy thing for good. Cutting through the tough hide, he skinned it as carefully as he could, surprising himself with a very intact hide. ¡°Huh¡­ I can do this too¡­¡± Gandree mumbled, as he collected every scrap of the creature¡­ Bones, hide, heart and entrails, every piece of the monster had some value¡­ It was true, meat, bones and flesh were just meat, bones and flesh, once the motive spirit fled. Oddly he found a few small lozenge shaped sherds of worked obsidian jammed deep in the creature¡¯s body¡­ Fragments that had been shaped and inscribed with a curse of festering and un-healing wounds. That was interesting. ¡°You were right about the one thing you knew, asshole.¡± He murmured as he packed away his messy loot. The clan lord¡¯s table always complained about the scarcity of meat¡­ often accusing him of stealing the precious stuff¡­ which he absolutely did, whenever he could get away with it. He¡¯d been working kitchen duty since he was old enough to stand¡­ and still had never tasted many of the dishes he¡¯d learned to make. Unranked apprentices survived on mushroom meal bread, cave lettuce salads and the occasional bit of meat deemed unworthy of the higher tables. In a clan where even the toughest, least desirable cuts were too precious for the lowest of the low, meat remained forever out of his reach, even as he worked with the stuff every morning and night. He¡¯d stolen the scraps to make gristle and fat pies, sinew soup and bone broth to get even a taste of meat¡­ The thought of eating that thing disgusted him, but the stodgy, cranky old masters¡­ They would find their meat pies and glazed roasts teased their jaded palates in some slightly new ways, once their cookslave was back at work¡­ His smile became a little cruel and vicious, as he considered the fair swaps and even trades he would be making over the next few weeks in the kitchen. ¡°Meat is meat, indeed.¡± # ¡°Things were pretty uneventful after that, until the day before my twentieth birthday, when I would become ClansWard¡­¡± He paused for a moment and smiled up at the graven image above the on the stone, smiling benevolently from behind her mask that was featureless, aside from that smile of warm, loving acceptance and delight. ¡°Or rather I would have been made clan slave, for the rest of my life.¡± ¡°What happened that day?¡± She murmured softly, right into his ear. She had crawled over and curled up on Petunia, and was resting her tiny chin on his shoulder, completely engrossed in his tale. ¡°Tell tell, boy who is silent when he should speak, yet speaks to trolls.¡± # Gandree finished cleaning up the kitchen after his breakfast shift, under the watchful and suspicious eyes of the Master Chef, whose skills the young dwarf had long since mastered, expanded on to their logical end points and disregarded as less than useful. With the brisk efficiency of long practice, he packed away the victuals and supplies. Flour, salt, precious sugar and butter, all traded from the men who lived somewhere below the mountain hold, were jealousy guarded. The canisters were watched closely until he set them in the secure pantry. Likewise pepper, tea, chilis, dried lowland vegetables and of course, meat were all monitored from the Master¡¯s high seat, until he¡¯d finished and all that was left was the dishes and scrubbing. ¡°Clean this shameful mess, Foundling. It had best be neat and clean as a maiden¡¯s beard when I return for luncheon.¡± He smirked and pointed to the remnants of his own breakfast lying cold on his desk. ¡°You may enjoy the bounty of my goodwill¡­ once you are done scrubbing up.¡± He surveyed the mess and sighed. Cooking for the upper tables and journeymen was the worst parts of his day, second only to the cleanup. He cursed at his growling guts and got to work. It would be just like Master Honraek to creep back in, hoping to catch him disobeying orders. He worked on and on, cleaning up the mess he¡¯d made in his labors. He loaded up food waste, cut offs, cast offs, floor sweeping and all the trash into the metal garbage canisters and sealed them up tight. Then he got to scrubbing the dishes, plied up mountain high. An hour and half later, he was scrubbing the lord¡¯s own fine china dishes, imported from afar at terrible cost. They were always last, washed in fresh water and buffed dry before being stowed away securely. He smiled at the empty counters. Not a single dirty pot, kettle or dish remained. The kitchen shone, not a single tool, knife spoon or cup out on the counters or lying about. The floor was spotless, as were the stove and counters¡­ he dropped the last metal canister onto his kitchen cart and started the long journey to the waste pits with a smile on his lips. # ¡°I finished my duties that morning, pulled out my flute and marched my happy ass through the hold, straight to the forbidden gate. I waited for a curious or bossy dwarf to stomp up, popped it open and started the whole thing popping off¡­ on my terms.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a strange ending to your tale¡­¡± She mumbled, dissatisfied and a bit grumpy about it. She reached out and tugged his ear gently. ¡°Finish is needed¡­ so I can sleep sleep.¡± ¡°Well, I got dressed after showing my ass, flipped ¡®em the old double bird and started marching. I wanted to be well away by lunchtime¡­¡± He sighed happily. ¡°A smart boy might have waited ¡®til after lunchies, or perhaps not done their scrubbing that day.¡± She shrugged and smiled. ¡°Interested¡­ tell tell.¡± Her breath on his ear was¡­ pleasant. He¡¯d had a lot of people breathing down his neck all his life, this was the first time it felt nice. ¡°That was the afternoon before my twentieth birthday¡­¡± He sighed, sounding like an old man. ¡°Happy birthday to me.¡± ¡°Oooh, so now tell how you met the beautiful princess and her doggies!¡± Daisybelle chittered softly, wriggling a little closer. The warmth of the day had eased into his bones, slowly melting them into a soft, gooey and comfortable pile, so he rambled on, enjoying her attention and basking in new things. ¡°I scampered down the road, but nightfall caught me on this narrow, windy, barren rock. There wasn¡¯t a space I could encamp, so I sheltered under this stone and worked my arts to conceal myself from any angry pursuers¡­¡± He smiled up at the beautiful stone face above them. ¡°Her gaze inhibits some of my gifts, so we¡¯re safe here, but I can¡¯t use some of my arts under the lady¡¯s eyes.¡± ¡°Pursuers? Do they hunt the banished ones for food? Your tribe is strange.¡± Daisy was wide awake and listening closely to his every word. ¡°They will certainly be hunting me for food. I robbed the kitchens, storehouses and workshops of all I could carry on my way out.¡± He smiled warmly up at the lady Cowl. ¡°They¡¯re probably stumbling mad and wondering where all that stuff went.¡± ¡°Did you pitch their goods down a mountainside?¡± She gasped in delight. ¡°Wasteful wicked boy¡­ We¡¯ll salvage it!¡± ¡°Nope, it¡¯s all securely tucked away. I just can¡¯t get to it¡­ there¡¯s a lot.¡± He sighed and slowly wriggled out from under her. ¡°It¡¯s lunch time. Let me step out and get you something.¡± He mumbled with an embarrassed smile. ¡°Faugh, you have no foods, my doggies know. Just say you need to make poops and go.¡± She grumbled, watching him as he headed for the edge of the overhang. ¡°Jasmine, Nightshade, go with him.¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± He mumbled, on the edge of the strange effect covering the makeshift camp. ¡°I need to be alone and unobserved.¡± ¡°No good, boy. Troll dumb is a special kind of numbskull¡­ he will come backsies, double mad and stupid hungry.¡± She shook her head. ¡°I¡¯ll go with you¡­ won¡¯t look¡­ Promise!¡± When he stubbornly refused, she grinned sweetly. ¡°Boy is a super shy pooper¡­¡± ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°Just close your eyes, all of you. Except Cowl¡­ she can¡¯t.¡± He huffed in annoyance and turned his back, slipping just out of sight into the bushes. When he returned a moment later, Daisy grumbled. ¡°No good comes of forcing it so quickly¡­ Did you even bury your scat? shameful!¡± In his hands he had a basket of dishes and lidded metal pans, a clay ewer stopped with a cork and a¡­ shovel? Daisy shook her head and sighed. Maybe he¡¯d dug a shithole already. He leaned his shovel against a low boulder he¡¯d been sitting on, and started opening up his metal pans. A rich, meaty aroma spilled out, savory and warm. ¡°I¡¯ve never actually had one of these., I¡¯ve just tasted the parts while making them¡­ and only enough to get it right, or chef would beat me.¡± Each wide, shallow pan held a golden, crusty meat pie, still steaming hot from the oven. The scent set the wargs to grumbling and whining, while thrashing each other with their tails. He dished one pie up into a pair of earthenware bowls and set three more out for the massive wolfhounds. He broke the crust on top for them and stirred the buttery pastry into the meaty stew inside. He poured bowls of cold, crystal clear spring water from his jug and smiled as his companions attacked the food. ¡°I really hope it¡¯s good¡­ we¡¯re eating the clanlord¡¯s lunch.¡± # It was good¡­ so good¡­ the boy neatly packed all the tins and dishes away in his basket, stoppered his jug and stepped out for a moment. When he came back, it was all gone. ¡°You leave dishes and food things outside and you will draw growlybears. They are sniffy and always hungry.¡± ¡°Your friends didn¡¯t smell them, neither will the bears.¡± He sighed confidently as he picked up his shitshovel and put it in his lap. ¡°You hold your doo-doo-diggy weirdly close¡­ boy who poops swiftly.¡± She giggled at the fool. ¡°Do you worry you might need to diggy a hole right here?¡± He brushed his fingers over the weird handle and¡­ music came out. A little metallic and strange, but sweet, clanging and sharp¡­ just like a poo-pit-positioner should sound¡­ If it were a musical instrument! She squinted in the too too bright daylight and saw thin, shiny strings and a nested tangle of very familiar markings all over the tuneful toilet tool¡­ but king papa never made something like this! The boy opened his mouth and began to sing a strange song¡­ I lit out from Reno¡­ I was trailed by twenty hounds. Didn''t get to sleep that night, Till the morning came around¡­ Daisy pulled her hoop drum from Nightshade¡¯s ruff, joining his song on the second measure, thudding along and learning the changes as she went. I set out runnin'' but I take my time, A friend of the Devil is a friend of mine¡­ If I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep tonight! His song wound to a soft close, under the smiling gaze of this new goddess, as the strange girl plopped down beside him on his rock and leaned her back against his. # *twenty four hours earlier* In a deep mountain stronghold, secured against trespass by unassailable crafts older than the memories of even the oldest dwarf, the Craft Masters and Clan nobles sat down to luncheon and¡­ nothing arrived. Furious, the lord ordered Master Delgrath into the kitchens. ¡°Go, go and beat whoever is at Foundling¡­ Er, I mean at fault!¡± Delgarth stomped down the short hall and into an empty kitchen. Master Honraek stood there, in his immaculate white coat and apron of office. The secure storage pantry hung open, the locks picked and wards cut. Trash barrels of rubbish sat where bins of luxuries and precious things once sat¡­ Chef stood there poleaxed and silent, in a spotlessly clean kitchen that was entirely bereft of any foods, pots, pans, knives, dishes or even a worthless¡­ ¡°Foundling¡­!!!¡± In his fury and confusion Delgarth forgot for a moment that he himself had just helped strip, shave and cast out the very foundling he shouted into the vast kitchen for, promising dire punishments. All around the hold the cries went up as workshops found not just valuable and rare things, but also many common, everyday items were simply gone, as if spirited away. The alarm bells rang out all through the hold¡­ They had been robbed, thoroughly and completely! # ¡°They can probably scrape up enough tools and supplies to get through til market day¡­ if they can share. I didn¡¯t leave anybody un-burgled and I didn¡¯t need that many hammers and picks¡­¡± ¡°You speak as though you pilfered some mighty trove of goods¡­¡± She yawned and snuggled closer, beside him on his rocky seat. ¡°I might have run off with a bit of loot¡­¡± He said with a wicked smile. ¡°No more than I could carry, though.¡± He played his shov-ulele for a while, until the girl started to snore, still leaning against him and smiling. # Cast Away Ch: 9 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Cast Away Ch: 9 The team of kids and their veterans rode lazily along with the drover, Gannet and his two chestnut familiars. Sammy and Joony were gregarious and excited, frisking in their harness under their light burden. ¡°We¡¯re going to be traveling slowly, hunting for food and gobbs as we go.¡± Malus rumbled from atop the wagon. ¡°All the girls and horses will stay with Gannet, riding with the wagon. The boys will trail along silently, waiting to rush anyone who gets ideas.¡± He grinned down at the bike riders. ¡°It¡¯s sexist, but we¡¯re dealing with goblins¡­ they¡¯re predictable if you give them a shiny lure.¡± On Goblin physiology, anatomy and sociology By Lady Trelawney Helene Belen-Kinnis Excerpts from the field notes of an Adventurer ¡­As goblins are not native to our plane, but are drawn in through voidmaws or ¡®dungeon entrances¡¯ as they are colloquially known. A little understood quirk of goblin biology or culture prevents females of the species from entering this plane. While the cause is unknown, the results are obvious. Sexual hormones and reproductive drives are complex and delicate arrangements, magically and biologically speaking; goblins represent an extreme example of this. The goblinoid reproductive system balances on a precarious hormonal cliff, always on the edge of frenzy and barely restrained. The results of transit through the veil are catastrophic to their already unstable minds, resulting in the homicidal, rapacious monsters we know. Rarely, this phenomenon can result in spontaneous evolution into a more ¡®advanced¡¯ form of goblinoid, often an ogre or troll. These beings, while outwardly dissimilar and very different in habits, habitat and capabilities, are essentially offshoots of the humble goblin line. Both of these beings are biologically and spiritually sterile, possessing neither the spark to give new life nor the ability to form new spiritual or divine Contracts. They do retain non functional genitals and are male in all the least socially acceptable ways. They are without sex drives or function, instead diverting those energies to gluttony, cruelty and sadism. We can only speculate on goblin culture and behavior in their native habitats¡­ # The wagon was far less comfortable than riding behind Barry¡­ and Malus was not a talkative companion. Fortunately Gannet was his equal in the conversational arts, which left Lindsey free to explore the world through Flash¡¯s senses. She felt his restrained eagerness to run, as they plodded along, out of town and into the rocky, forested hills and steeper slopes. His energetic, frisky soul longed for a good long stretch, pushing himself as far as he could run¡­ and a little bit more, just for funzies. ¡°Oh, My.¡± She whispered happily, as the feeling overtook her. Barry had pressed a silver ear ornament on her before they parted, and pinned a silver button to her collar, just like all the boys and most of their kin wore. She¡¯d tried to protest, but he was already gone, fading back into the woods until the wagon was well out of sight. ¡°Lindsey, are you ok? Can you hear me?¡± Barry asked in her ear, a heartbeat later, sounding as if he were on the wagon bench beside her. ¡°Yes?¡± She asked nervously, drawing a glance from the cart driver, who kept chatting when she didn¡¯t continue. ¡°I¡¯m ok¡­ can you hear me?¡± ¡°Good, and yes, this is a private channel¡­ ¡®cause my brothers are idiots.¡± Barry murmured in her left ear. ¡°We can only hear each other right now. If you tap your earcuff twice you¡¯ll be in the group voice chat.¡± ¡°What does that mean?¡± She asked quietly, drawing concerned glances from both men and Larsong, who was riding alongside Gannet¡¯s seat up at the front. ¡°I¡¯m hearing¡­ Barry¡¯s voice¡­¡± She mumbled awkwardly to the onlookers. ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± Malus grumbled. ¡°Troubling, deeply troubling, girl.¡± ¡°No, I mean I¡¯m hearing his voice from this thing¡­¡± She pointed to the earcuff, as Larksong peered at her as if she were an interesting bug. ¡°Hmm, could be road madness, early stages¡­ have you had your moons yet, girl?¡± She asked, her voice rich with concern. ¡°My moons¡­? Are you asking about my¡­ My menses?¡± Lindsey stammered¡­ and then remembered that Barry was listening. ¡°Oh gods¡­ I¡¯m dying¡­¡± ¡°Lindsey¡­¡± Harry butted in. ¡°Tell Malus and Larksong exactly this¡­ ¡®Amy says no hazing the new girl.¡¯ All right? Can you do that?¡± She repeated the phrase and suddenly, her tormentors fell silent. Larksong fell back a yard to speak directly to her from horseback with an apologetic look on her face. ¡°We know about the magic earrings¡­ I¡¯m sorry. It¡¯s one of the reasons the Clownshoes are on this job.¡± She murmured softly. ¡°Please, don¡¯t tell Amy I made fun of your lady time¡­¡± ¡°I warned you¡­¡± Running tree called from the lead position. ¡°Don¡¯t play with the Ragamuffin¡¯s toys.¡± Somehow that made Lindsey feel both better and worse¡­ # ¡°Sorry, Barry.¡± Harry muttered as they rode in formation. ¡°You gotta admit, you almost fell off your bike when Lark asked about¡­¡± He shrugged in manly denial of any knowledge on the topic. ¡°She was alone out there and you choked, bro.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ thanks, Harry.¡± The lad in light green mumbled. ¡°I¡¯ll focus up.¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t say anything.¡± Larry offered helpfully, while Perry nodded. ¡°Thanks.¡± Barry grumbled angrily. ¡°Now get your heads out of your asses¡­ and do you smell that?¡± ¡°Pine trees? Or maybe the fir trees?¡± Harry asked. ¡°Cause that¡¯s all I smell.¡± ¡°Decay, a dead animal, a big one or lots of little ones, up the mountain.¡± He answered calmly, before speaking into his collar button. ¡°Cart team, halt, secure your area. We have dead things nearby.¡± # Perry stripped off his heavy armor, leaving a suit of lightly reinforced spiderweb mesh, monster leather and sculpted wood. He and Larksong slipped into the woods, paralleling a disused mining track leading up the hillside off the main road. ¡°Goblin lair confirmed, a big one, probably our friends from before. Looks like they found a flock of sheep. We have two or three gobb corpses jammed in a crevice up the rock wall. Trollsign, but several days old.¡± Harry reported back a half hour later. ¡°No active goblin or troll signs.¡± ¡°That¡¯s pretty impressive, Barry. Even Flash didn¡¯t smell them, nor the other horses.¡± Runningtree murmured quietly. She leaned close, peering at him with her eyes oddly unfocused, or gazing a thousand yards away behind him. ¡°What manner of spirit have you Contracted? Your aura is all¡­ frilly¡­ around your neck and throat. Are those spiritual gills and sensory organs?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like to talk about it¡­¡± He whispered. ¡°I can smell¡­ everything.¡± ¡°Yes¡­ a strong bond and a strong spirit of earth, air, water and something deeper¡­ more profound.¡± She muttered into the quiet camp. ¡°That¡¯s our buddy Axio¡­ He¡¯s super chill.¡± Larry supplied in the stillness that followed. They encamped for the night a half mile away; for sanitary and wildlife reasons, in a high meadow protected from the winds by a towering crag and a pine forest. ¡°We¡¯ll investigate the area, see what we find and stay safe. No shenanigans, no pranks, no bloody Clownshoes.¡± Malus ordered calmly, nailing the team name down with finality. ¡°Sweeeet!¡± Larry and Flash cheered, while the others groaned. ¡°All right kids, I¡¯m ready to be impressed!¡± Larksong whispered to the boys as they started setting up camp. ¡°Uh, don¡¯t get your hopes up too high¡­ We¡¯re new at this, we¡¯ve only been Contracted for a few days¡­ and nobody can watch. If anybody looks it gets all screwed up.¡± Harry told the grownups firmly. ¡°Now look out into the woods, you two as well, Lindsey, Flash. No peeking.¡± They vanished into the meadow, just the four of them. Through the screening plant life and behind their admonitions against peeping, the four boys did something quiet, softly melodic and nearly lost among the woodland sounds that continued undisturbed by their subtle workings. There was something going on though, they were singing together in choral rounds, accompanying their song on softly played instruments. A sense of something gathering, just out of sight rushed into the glade, filling the place with a sense of almost and possibility. A distant sound, a clanging, chiming instrument seemed to drift down from the mountain peak above the clearing, taking their song higher. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. The trees seemed to groan softly, as if taking a deep, cleansing breath of fresh mountain air. The brook running through the corner of the meadow babbled a little more clearly and sweetly. The songbirds and crickets had more to say and lightning bugs flashed in the tall grasses and under the trees. ¡°All right, it¡¯s ready.¡± Harry called, sounding exhausted. ¡°That worked surprisingly well.¡± # Gandree woke to Daisybelle tapping him on the forehead with one manicured claw. ¡°Eveningtime is best time. We warm up before it gets cold, then we find a good good camp, not a cold goddestemple in the wind. With few better options and a growing curiosity about this girl, he shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m heading west. If you want to come along¡­¡± He suggested. ¡°West is best, then downvalley and see king papa¡­ You should play your shitshovel for him!¡± She chirped, while she packed her modest gear. ¡°We travel by night, sleep days¡­ Goblinways are best ways in these cold times. Warm doggies to hug as we runs, warm sun to sleeps.¡± ¡°As you say, princess Daisybelle.¡± He replied with a bow that was only slightly in jest. All her things were of simple materials, natural fibers, simple cured hides and worked bone or stone¡­ but they were all well made and fine, fitted and¡­ fancy. Little details here and there showed an attention to aesthetics and a deep care for the user and her personality. Tiny peach colored blossoms and fresh green twining vines were embroidered on her vest, evoking a tangled cocklebur briar in the full flush of spring growth. That exquisite artwork was hidden under her jacket at all times, save when she slept concealing the work, making it an intimate secret. He blushed at that thought and tried to consider other things as they bustled about clearing the camp. ¡°You leave the petty goddess smiley here?¡± She asked, gazing up on the face again. ¡°Of course. I worked that in her name. It belongs to lady Cowl.¡± He answered reverently. He kissed his three fingertips and placed them to the goddess¡¯ own, in a quiet and tender moment that seemed to thrum with potency. ¡°Lift me up, tall boy. I would pay reverence to pretty smiley spirit too.¡± She stood under the graven face and stamped her foot at him until he complied¡­ His hands really could encompass her waist, with a knuckle to spare. And she was so light, he barely felt her weight. It took a moment to understand: she was using her own slight mass and superb sense of balance to place her mass and weight in the best possible place¡­ it was an impressive display of muscular control and athleticism that he felt flew over his head like an eagle, among the peaks. She bussed her own little green fingertips and placed them to the goddess¡¯ for only a moment. In that brief time, Gandree felt a jolt through her muscles, since he had his hands wrapped around lots of them at the moment. ¡°Are you ok?¡± He asked carefully, a few seconds later, when she remained still. ¡°Your goddess smileyface kissed me back¡­ and I like it.¡± She whispered softly. ¡°I¡¯ll take this goddess from you. Teach me her ways.¡± Daisy writhed in his arms, clambering down the stunned boy after stealing a kiss on her way by his face and lingering for a hug. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s pretty amazing.¡± He sighed. ¡°I think, if you follow your drum, you¡¯ll find the way¡­¡± He murmured cryptically as she landed lightly on her feet a few long, cozy seconds later. ¡°You taste spooky ghostie¡­ but not in a bad bad way¡­¡± She muttered, licking her lips. ¡°Are you haunted? Boy who carries a goddess in his pocket?¡± ¡°I suppose¡­ maybe¡­¡± He answered slowly. ¡°I can see ghosts¡­ But I¡¯m not a necromancer! I swear!¡± ¡°Neckromancer? Sounds cuddly¡­ Those who play with dead things smell different. You taste like welcome home, dearly departed, find your rest in my song¡­¡± She muttered, still smiling and looking a little dazed. ¡°Come boy who kisses ghosts, let¡¯s ride.¡± ¡°Ride what¡­-?!¡± Strong jaws grabbed him up by his belt and tossed him bodily onto Nightshade¡¯s back. In the thick, black ruff, his hands found a wide leather harness with bags and handholds. There was even a small saddle he could perch on, if he wanted to put his tackle in peril. It was a Daisy sized saddle of shaped wood; riding that would be like taking a shovel to the bits with every loping stride the fast moving warg took¡­ and he took a lot of strides. Gandree clung on for dear life for the first mile, until he tried a hint of what Daisybelle had done in his hands¡­ He remembered her warm body, writhing and shifting subtly in time with his own movements, like a dance¡­ With an almost audible *click* he got it, becoming a part of the huge wolfhound¡¯s movements. ¡°Better.¡± The creature rumbled, with a little actual warmth in his ¡®voice¡¯ of subtle growls, ear positions and assorted body language tics. # Gary sat up from his workbench, exhausted and worn thin, but it was done¡­ With deft fingers he began assembling the instrument, tiny screws and bolts almost flying into place as his long practiced hands did their work. By long habit he reached out to strum the sweet, butterscotch yellow Teleblaster?, emblazoned with the Ward Instrument Co. brand and the starry sky treble clef logo inlaid in the headstock in intricate detail. The swooping figure was in rich, blue-black high mountain ebony, with the two moons and a spangling of stars picked out in exotic shells, metals and small jewels. By sheer habit, still clinging from the time before he¡¯d been cursed; the craftsman reached out to tune and strum his creation. ¡°Hold it right there, primate...¡± Kree hissed from behind his ear. I know you¡¯ve been dreaming, under my sting¡­¡± She whispered. ¡°Those are shadows of the mortal mind, wishes and desires made manifest, more than simple mortal dreaming, but far from what you once knew.¡± ¡°I can play¡­ there. All I want¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°I know it¡¯s not real¡­ but I need it¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let the call of the far dreamlands draw you away from your waking life, your family lives here; not in the distant shadows and illusions you see when my venom stills your waking mind.¡± She scolded. ¡°There are, in the dreamlands¡­ gateways into stranger realms and farther places, where the untutored might stumble into peril.¡± With a long sigh, he draped a dust cover over the instrument and began cleaning up his workbench as evening began to fall... # Ghnash stretched and yawned deeply, exhausted by the tidy scattering of tiny stone, shell, antler and wooden parts scattered over his workbench. Evening was just gathering, he¡¯d been up all day working on his project. Each component, each intricate detail and incised symbol was critical at this point. With care he grasped the first tiny star ornament and slipped it into the slot incised just for it, in the long, smoothly rubbed length of troll bone. A dot of yellow forest slime ooze glue and a whispered spell began the fun part of his working. His long, sharply pointed claws picked up the tiny spangles and stylized animals carved in exotic materials, fitting each one in place with care and a dot of his terribly dangerous and highly sticky glue. Stars, planets and something he remembered from his dreams; moons¡­ This world had none, yet three distinct moons graced his flute, each one vibrant and exacting in detail and craft. They even had names¡­ Beast¡¯s moon, big, lambent and golden, carved in bone and stained to create the figure hidden in the craters. It could be a regal stag at one glance, or a leaping jackalope when next viewed. Next came the Madman¡¯s moon, a polished agate swirled with green and blue with a tiny rune incised deeply in the flat facet of the stone, ¡®Home¡¯ it read, in a language he didn¡¯t fully understand, yet knew intimately. Finally Luna; a pale, sickle sharp crescent of white bone, worked in the image of a grinning, fleshless goblin skull in profile, with a tiny black fleck of obsidian filling the eye socket. With reverent care he decorated his instrument with celestial bodies, as his subtle witchcraft and spells drew the attention of the world¡¯s sleepy, lazy spirits to his greatest casting. Only his whispered chant broke the reverent silence of the king of the goblins, working his arts Palomar shalomar, swanee shore¡­ Let me kick that jive once more¡­ A few long minutes later he sighed, sat back on his simple stool and brought the instrument to his lips. His flute was finished at last, after years of constant experimentation and careful hoarding of the materials needed, it was finished. He felt something in the sway and flow of the world¡­ something was moving, down deep in the mountains. The spirits and shades were agitated and excited, not concerned¡­ Whispering in the dark shadows under the moonlight only he could see; telling of balance slowly returning, after so long being ¡®out of balance¡¯ that even the spirits of the land did not remember. Something was changing, perhaps the mountains themselves might lift their skirts and dance for him, if he called the right tune. He was the goblin king¡­ but no one king could do what needed done. He needed another ruler, or an embassy from that distant lord, the one who he heard sometimes for off in his dreams. With his music, spells and slim, taloned fingers he made a long desperate call to the king of Pain. # As morning began to lighten the sky, they slowed, searching for a campsite. Daisybelle proposed a shady little nook under a cliff¡­ rejected. A narrow cleft above the road on a hidden rock shelf? Rejected. He settled on a wide, grassy clearing, where the wind would be cut by a pine forest below and a high, craggy peak behind¡­ ¡°No good no good!¡± Daisy insisted. ¡°Open sky and open fields! Maybe deep in that thicket of thorny trees¡­ that looks cozy!¡± ¡°Nope, I wanted to do this last night but I was too close to the dwarfhold, and then I ran out of daytime.¡± He mumbled, while he tuned up his shov-ulele. ¡°You can¡¯t watch, none of you. My magic fails if a living person sees what I¡¯m doing before it¡¯s done.¡± He said very soberly and seriously, for a boy playing with his turd-tomb-tool. ¡°No one wants to see how you poop, silly boy.¡± She scolded him. ¡°We scout around¡­ you do what you wish. Stinky fingers musician.¡± She grumbled as the four of them slipped into the trees around his clearing. He sat on a rock near the edge of the open space and began to strum and pick his four string shovel instrument, calling on the lingering spirits that gathered so thickly, as they descended the mountain pass. His song drew several from the shadowy trees and even more from the reeds and weeds near the crystal clear, spring fed brook running across the corner of his mountain side clearing. Something about this place felt¡­ welcoming, comfortable¡­ subtly homey. The meadow had no lingering spiritual or magical traces, no signs of prior habitation or clues to the feeling¡­ it just felt like he was walking up to a place that welcomed him in, naturally. The music rang and sang off the distant peak, seeming to become a chorus of voices singing the words to a song¡­ the song he was playing, one he didn¡¯t understand and couldn¡¯t remember learning. There''s a king on a throne with his eyes torn out; There''s a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt. There''s a rich man sleeping on a golden bed; There''s a skeleton choking on a crust of bread. When his song finished, the chorus of voices and soft, distant instruments faded away¡­ but the sense of being among a company of close friends remained; a sensation that Gandree had only just discovered. His four companions came tumbling out of the forest when he called, gaping at the tall, red roofed house, standing on a foundation of mortared river stones, surrounded by a small garden. A small hotspring bath swirled and bubbled under a flowering jasmine, while dark, shadowy bees flitted among the fruit trees, flowers and tidy vegetable beds. ¡°Just like king papa¡­¡± The goblin girl whispered reverently. ¡°You have a castle up your bottom too?¡± The lad was sprawled on a stone garden bench, exhausted and nearly out cold, still strumming softly on his strange shitter digger, smiling inanely at her. ¡°I never did that before¡­¡± He gasped, swaying on his seat. ¡°It¡¯s usually a little stone hut. This place felt¡­ it feels like I had help.¡± He shrugged and smiled weakly. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll show you around. No shoes inside.¡± # Malus looked over the little red roofed home in the clearing, the garden and hotspring pool were small, not even filling half the open meadow, but looked cozy and secure¡­ There was a small barn out back, attached to the structure directly with windows in each stall that opened into the main room; bringing the horsies into the group, even though they couldn¡¯t fit inside. ¡°You kids are super weird¡­¡± The veteran grumbled, as Larksong, Lindsey and Runnningtree headed for the bath, uttering the eternal cry of ¡®Dibs!¡¯. ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s look around some¡­ this is way more than we expected¡­¡± Harry yawned. ¡°It almost felt like we had¡­ help.¡± The basement ¡®workshop¡¯ was small and held only the most basic and mundane tools and equipment, but still infinitely superior to any campaign forge. The kitchen and common room were a less extensive and expansive reflection of Wilf¡¯s place and by extension, of their parent¡¯s strange home construct. Where a stove and oven fueled by magic stood in the other homes, theirs was a mundane iron stove, fueled by real firewood that needed gathering. They had running water and a single lavatory and bath, but otherwise it was pretty basic. Larry and Perry went around, lighting oil lanterns and stoking the fireplace and stove with brisk efficiency. ¡°It takes all four of us and we usually get a small stone hut, but we¡¯ve been practicing¡­¡± Barry explained, sounding like he was convincing himself as much as anything else. ¡°It¡¯s coming along¡­¡± Harry agreed, looking around the grounds and garden with concern and curiosity. ¡°Maybe something else too¡­¡± ¡°Whatever you say, silly boys.¡± Larksong called from the bath. ¡°I¡¯ll take this over a cold camp on a windswept hillside any day.¡± # ¡°Silly boy¡­¡± Daisybelle sighed from the hedge lined bath. ¡°You have been keeping secrets¡­¡± ¡°We really just met¡­¡± He stammered awkwardly from the kitchen, where he was preparing a simple meal while she bathed¡­ something he was trying to not think too much about. ¡°I¡¯ve never shown this working to a living person before¡­¡± ¡°No?¡± She scoffed in disbelief. ¡°You were hiding good good things, sneaky boy. Can all your people pull castles from shadows and this strange light?¡± ¡°No, just me.¡± He mumbled. ¡°I think if they¡¯d found out about this, I¡¯d have been declared a witch, necromancer or an aberration, enslaved and thrown down a deep pit.¡± ¡°Double dum-dums then.¡± She declared with finality. ¡°Slavey stuff is bad, king papa says no no to that.¡± ¡°Dwarfhold law declares slavery illegal there too¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°The ¡®strict, iron rod of the law¡¯ gets awfully bendy and soft, when it gets near the wealthy and privileged.¡± He could sense her elaborate and uncaring shrug even through the hedge and the walls of the house. ¡°They took things from you¡­ you took things from them. Tradises!¡± ¡°They made me clean their shitters, fix their boots, do the laundry and patch their underthings my whole life, just ¡®cause I can¡¯t work iron properly¡­¡± He grumbled at the girl in his bath. ¡°I have a belly full of revenge to shit out on those assbags¡­ someday.¡± ¡°King papa says ¡®venge is a snake eating its own tail¡­ Justice bites what needs biting and leaves a lasting scar.¡± She called out amid a loud splashing sound. ¡°Faugh, not you Nightshade! Girls only!¡± She shouted and giggled at her familiars, while water sloshed into the runoff channel, splashing merrily into the brook. Seconds later a loud, gurgling scream rang out from the pool. Gandree dropped his pan of biscuits to the floor as he dashed around the concealing hedge and saw Daisybelle, sinking down deeper in the shallow pool than could ever be possible. He dove into the waist deep bath and kept diving, down deeper and deeper until darkness gathered around and the sides of the pool vanished into the unguessable distance. He reached out and grasped Daisybelle¡¯s reaching hand, just as darkness took them. # Together, all five of them popped right back to the surface, wet, exhausted, sputtering and otherwise, unharmed. Gandree staggered up from the shallow bath, his soggy woolen clothes weighing him down. He stood on shaky legs and surveyed the house and garden he¡¯d been dreaming about since he was a tiny lad, still messing his drawers. It was still the same¡­ except, the homey little house now stood on a tiny tropical island, with palm trees, waving grasses and reeds and even the teensiest little volcano smoking gently nearby. Calm, blue ocean lay all around, vanishing in an impenetrable shoal of mist a few hundred yards offshore. The bright, cloudless blue sky held no sun, just a warm indirect illumination that didn¡¯t seem to bother Daisybelle¡¯s sensitive eyes at all. ¡°Super sneaky boy¡­ this is quite a neat trick, if a bit mean.¡± She chittered at him, heedless of her slim, voluptuous nudity. ¡°Oh dear¡­¡± A tiny, golden haired human boy said softly. ¡°What ever are you doing here?¡± He was standing on the beach in golden sandals and a robe of gauzy white linen banded with golden thread, his glowing golden ringlets forming a radiant halo around his head. ¡°I am Marduk, god of Knowledge¡­ Welcome to the Madman¡¯s moon¡­¡± # Tears Of A Clown Ch: 10 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Tears Of A Clown Ch: 10 Evening was finally closing in when three of the boys slipped into the bath together, sighing with exhaustion. Dinner was almost on the table, Barry was finishing that up and would be out shortly. The veterans and Lindsey were in the house relaxing and everything was finally still. ¡°So, what was that? It really felt like we had extra¡­ participants.¡± Perry asked quietly. ¡°We¡¯ve done this a few times now¡­ it¡¯s never felt that easy and¡­ collaborative.¡± Harry agreed. ¡°I¡¯d swear I heard someone playing a tin pan ukulele¡­ or something¡­¡± Larry mumbled. ¡°Yo, Harry, we should build one¡­¡± ¡°How about a Canjolin? I still have that steel canteen prototype.¡± Barry offered eagerly, caught up in the stupid as he slipped into the pool with his brothers... ¡°Why is the pool swirling like that?¡± He asked, before they were flushed away into somewhere else. # Swirling together through an endless darkness, headed for a tiny mote of light in the distant faintly visible sky of utter madness, four brothers sighed in one person¡¯s singular breath. ¡°If this is bloody Dana the dumbass Healer I¡¯m gonna be so pissed.¡± Harry snapped, as they picked themselves up out of the shallow pool. ¡°Uhh¡­ who are you¡­ guys?¡± Larry asked, blushing bright red as he locked eyes to boobs with the voluptuous little green girl. Three huge, shaggy monster wolves were sprawled in the warm sand, rolling around and enjoying the living hell out of themselves. By the pool stood two people, a small, dark haired girl¡­ or woman, it was hard to tell¡­ Trying to place an age on her was too tough¡­ and she smiled at them confidently, carelessly¡­ naked. What she was¡­ was curvaceous, slim, nudely green and quite entirely, greenly, sexily nude. The guy was short, stocky as a fireplug, with gray-blue eyes and short blondish hair. He was older than them by a bit, maybe eighteen or twenty, once he¡¯d been clean shaven, but was showing a few day¡¯s worth of stubbling on his chin. Something about him was super familiar¡­ Each group stopped and stared at the others, as Marduk stepped between them his hands upheld as if to stop a fight. ¡°Who are you?¡± The short dude asked right back, hitting the four with a potently suspicious glare. # A dwarf, a goblin and three wargs are stranded on a desert island with a human child who claimed to be a god¡­ It was an awful setup and the punchline splashed up from the depths of the pool a moment later, in the forms of four gigantic, nude men. They towered over six feet tall, even the shortest of them, muscular, young and quite naked. Since Gandree was the only one wearing clothes, that offset the height advantage the other group enjoyed, nicely; thus, his bold question. ¡°Who are you?¡± Less advantageous was the number of dongs jumbling about meatily in the local area. Some distant memory jogged the back of his mind¡­ something about thrones, and a game for them, set in a frozen land where no one wore pants, for some reason¡­ He shook his head to dispel those random ghost thoughts. He peeled his heavy, sodden wool coat off and draped it over Daisybelle, who shook it off immediately. ¡°Ohh, too heavy and cold cold!¡± She chittered. ¡°Goblin girls only wear uniforms, maybe pretty sundress, or slinky one piece¡­ Oh, I know! Miniskirt, long socks and twintails hair-do!¡± She chirped and chattered on about things that made the four giants blush, further eroding the tall mens¡¯ confidence. While that was going on, the four men found green robes somewhere and put them on, almost between eye blinks. Now Daisybelle was the only one unclothed, which made her smile expand and become slightly predatory. ¡°Miss¡­¡± The youngest boy said gently, speaking sweetly to the tiny being. ¡°You can imagine clothing in this place and it will appear, if you focus your will.¡± ¡°No no, silly boy, now I has the power!¡± She crowed, smiling even more widely, displaying very even, but very sharp white teeth. Daisybelle giggled at the boys making them all blush; she was super bouncy. ¡°Boys get stupid when milkers collide¡­ It¡¯s ¡®jiggle physics¡­¡¯ so says king papa!¡± ¡°Yeah, that tracks.¡± The smallest of the three boys sighed. ¡°But, to answer your question¡­ We¡¯re the Ward brothers. ¡°I¡¯m Harry, these are; Larry, Perry and Barry. Who are you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Gandree Ward¡­ This is Daisybelle and her pack¡­¡± He started, before grinding to a halt with a worried and confused look on his blocky, but somehow very familiar features. ¡°Ward brothers?¡± ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re part of the Ward clan¡­ there¡¯s a few of us around.¡± Larry mumbled, still dazzled by the green and bouncy boobs. ¡°Papa king Ghnash says his proper name is Garee Ward¡­ that¡¯s hard for him to say though¡­ He has really bad teeth.¡± Daisybelle offered cheerfully. ¡°Oh dear, this is getting complicated¡­¡± Marduk muttered crossly. # ¡°Some accidental resonance between the group of you¡­¡± The tiny god explained very carefully. ¡°Has, by some happenstance, opened a gateway into this place; which beings who are properly attuned may use to enter this realm¡­ We currently stand outside your world.¡± He said to Gandree and Daisybelle. ¡°We also stand outside your world¡­ at a point in time, space and ether where they almost intersect.¡± He told the four boys. ¡°Your own natural gifts have combined and created this island, this tiny domain, which lies, as a friend of mine likes to say¡­¡± Marduk smiled warmly. ¡°Between the buttcheeks of reality.¡± Daisybelle took another trip to giggle town, disrupting the boys¡¯ focus, just because she could; and the little god was boring. ¡°I¡¯m a deity older than your species, mortal¡­¡± He scolded her firmly, when she tried her wiggle and jiggle on him. ¡°I¡¯ll not get befuddled by those ta-tas... I have a girlfriend!¡± ¡°oh yes, tiny godboy has a girlfriend¡­¡± She agreed readily, without halting her ¡®activities¡¯. ¡°She lives in far off Canadia, yes?¡± Frustrated, he allowed a glimmer of his divine Will to leak out. Daisy relaxed her psychological warfare, as the being became a radiant, intense source of KNOWLEDGE¡­ Who should be listened to intently. Just like that, she sat down at his feet and began to pay absolute attention. ¡°This is like when smileyface goddess kissed me back¡­ I want this godling too!¡± She whispered, when Marduk paused his lengthy dissertation on etheric transit as compared to true portal travel. Gandree was seated right beside her, receiving the ancient god child¡¯s sacred tutelage with wide eyed awe. # ¡°Huh, watching Contracts form¡­ I can see them taking shape and almost get a glimpse of the sacred geometry and divine logic.. pretty interesting¡­¡± Harry muttered, understating things super intensely. ¡°Oh no, boys¡­¡± Thirp sang from behind them, as she descended from nowhere on a long silver dropline. She landed on her four spider legs and hugged the group all together. ¡°I¡¯ve been waiting to see you all¡­ this is very exciting. Though, to come here in this way¡­ it must be quite startling to your companions.¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Harry asked nervously, while pretending he didn¡¯t notice how desperate Thirp was to distract him from observing the divine Contracts slowly forming on the beach. ¡°Tell me more¡­¡± He feigned interest, in the interest of continuing to observe, when he could. ¡°Oh yes, your bodies are floating around empty, awaiting your return. I gather that mortals find the effect¡­ distressing.¡± Thirp shushed him before he could ask any more. ¡°Lord Marduk is almost finished with those two. This is quite a coup for him. It is rare for a god to slip through the veil and find worshippers in an untenanted mortal realm¡­ ¡± She sighed happily as her friend expanded his influence, while contemplating her own possibilities with those two. # ¡°...In summation; I¡¯d intended to simply bore you back into mortal sleep, with a long ass, dusty and dull discussion of super advanced magical theory¡­ Egg on my face; you kids are delightful! Now, my new followers; pop off back where you belong¡­ Before some nosey spider goddess comes sniffing around my garden patch.¡± He addressed the last part to Thirp as well, who chittered at him with venomous good humor. ¡°I think perhaps these mortals might welcome my grace¡­ but not tonight.¡± She turned her beautiful arachnid face to the new mortals and bobbed a spidery bow. ¡°I have seen your lights, you may call to me, if you wish. I am Thirp, She Who Spins in the Void¡­¡± She whispered softly. ¡°Your world has no native gods, or perhaps it no longer possesses gods of its own. In any case, I would welcome either, or both of you, as well.¡± If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Spinner in voids, spider goddess is spooky and mysterious! I would hear your voice¡­¡± Daisy yawned sleepily. Thirp turned back to Marduk and sighed. ¡°I begged my master for a less ominous and¡­ frankly, ¡®chuni¡¯ title, but he took cruel amusement in my distress.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry Thirp, but please, not in front of the mortals¡­¡± The golden deity muttered. ¡°You¡¯re embarrassing me in front of my friends!¡± Marduk turned back to the gathered people and waved bye-bye with a smile on his face that was positively beaming. ¡°Off you go, back into your bodies. You will meet again and can learn more¡­ later. We have god stuff to do! Important god stuff!¡± He waved at the rapidly fading mortals, shouting at the goblin and dwarf as they vanished. ¡°And make me a ritual offering of honeyed dumplings with pistachios!¡± # ¡°And mint tea with cookies¡­¡± A faint, childlike voice echoed in the distance as Daisybelle, Gandree and the three wargs awoke¡­ In the pool, all tangled together at the bottom and somehow, not drowning. They all surged to the surface together, hurling water all around; they fell scattered across the flagstones surrounding the bath. All together they began coughing up a huge volume of a silvery, viscous slime that tasted only faintly of salt and left their lungs without any troubling after effects¡­ It was just super disgusting. Even the Wargs found it gross; and they often enjoyed a nice ripe carcass in some really weird ways. ¡°Ohh¡­ wow..¡± Daisybelle gasped. ¡°Bathings with the boy are pretty intense. Next time, scrubs my back for me.¡± # ¡°Etheric slime¡­ a natural byproduct of a living soul contacting or passing through the ether.¡± Harry gagged into a sample container, inscribed and etched with preservative spells. ¡°You guys never paid attention in magic theory class¡­ Now everybody, puke in my magic bucket.¡± *A few intense and deeply unpleasant minutes later:* The four lads bustled into their little cottage on the mountainside, chattering and discussing their misadventure, surprising the veterans and Lindsey, for whom no discernable time had passed. ¡°Wait¡­ Dream journey? Meeting gods in person? That¡¯s¡­ possible? It wasn¡¯t just a dream?¡± Lindsey stammered as she recalled her vivid dream of riding across the endless meadow and meeting radiant, fascinating beings there. ¡°Oh yeah, it¡¯s super weird¡­¡± Barry mumbled awkwardly. # ¡°Seriously, we can do some remedial classes and get you up to scratch¡­¡± Harry was insisting. While he stowed his buckets of magic slime away in the house¡¯s basement. ¡°It feels like I have to do all the serious spellcraft¡­¡± ¡°But, we have you¡­¡± Perry muttered. ¡°How is that a good answer?¡± Harry demanded of his three brothers. They all pressed in on him leaning and looming over the smaller boy. ¡°Because¡­¡± They all spoke in chorus, hesitating for a long moment, before affecting a deep, gravely tone; they all three growled in unison: ¡°You¡¯re a wizard, Harry¡­¡± ¡°If the Clownshoes fit, gotta wear ¡®em¡­ I guess.¡± Harry sighed with a sad smile. # Above a narrow valley, riven from the stony mountains long ago and rich with living, growing things, Fleshsculptor looked down and wondered. A human town seemed to be thriving below the necropolis on the plateau, above the small city. Men, women and it seemed, even beastkin moved about in the daylight unafraid. That much could be seen, even from her warcamp on the valley rim. Somehow a lich lord had arisen here¡­ without leaving a barren, lifeless pustule of decay behind on the land. Her many tearful and unpleasant ¡®smiles¡¯ declared her confidence in her encamped army of the damned: They were more than enough for any lich or crypt lord¡­ She¡¯d sent a flurry of undead spies down there, and almost as many fleshbound constructs. So much material lost and now just scattered, empty dust. She almost wept for the waste, as the spirits bound in her works fled into the never with a long, longering, manifold gasp of pleasure that echoed through her severed bonds with their no-longer tortured souls. Fleshsculptor waited impatiently for her eyes to return and report¡­ The ensorceled zombie bats had simply fallen down entirely dead, as had all of her fleshbound, reanimated agents. Now she was forced to await an actual half living, human slave... The things a trans dimensional Necro-theurge had to endure in the name of research. The human¡¯s brain had been removed alive and placed in a sealed jar of her secret necromantic liquor, as part of her regular work for the Pontiff that ruled the mortal cattle¡­ The endless, soul destroying pain of an entire, bare human nervous system being submerged in alcohol and her proprietary blend of occult preservatives, obscene nutrients and cursed elixirs was a delight to the senses. slithering through the soul jar arrays below the cathedral always soothed her essence, mortal suffering had such a delightfully tonic effect on her necromantic energies and immortal core. Those curse constructs powered all the various magical workings needed to run a functioning theocracy, complete with phony miracles¡­ and left an excellent supply of empty, living bodies to use. It had taken centuries to fully supplant the feeble gods of this liminal realm; even weakened as they were, now just when things were going so well¡­ This world existed across multiple, fragmented realms, touching so many other worlds; even some that were largely closed and sealed¡­ it was a priceless resource. Once entirely in the grasp of the Pontiff, a swathe of untapped worlds would be opened before the glorious marching armies of the priest kings, ready to plunder their mortal flesh and souls... The harvest was just starting to ripen, as the mortals shoved and jostled eagerly, competing with one another to be the next to leap into the promised paradise their priest lords exhorted them to seek every day from their pulpits, in every city and town¡­ save this one. With all other information gathering methods stymied, it all came down to the half-living slaves¡­ Tuck a living child¡¯s brain into the empty skull of a brain donor, along with a good slab of dog brain; and she had a reasonably smart, relatively obedient servant that could pass as a cursed or befuddled human. Since only the brains of the very young would do, the process left a bit of tender child flesh to play with, that was always nice in these times of scarcity. She¡¯d sent a dozen of those nearly entirely alive servants down there, in a last ditch attempt to gain some information. She needed something before plunging in with her marvelous, custom crafted body of many souls. Finally one of her slaves was slowly trudging back up the slope¡­ She need only consume those incomplete brains and sift out the sensory¡­ ¡°Hello, demon filth.¡± Her mindless, Will-less slave sneered in the raw, ragged voice of a man who had seen far too much. ¡°You wanted to meet me¡­ Now you get your wish, though we won¡¯t be conversing long¡­ or really at all.¡± The half-living thing¡¯s jaw flapped down bonelessly, as he vomited a terrible hurricane of fast flying, tiny, jet black wasps into the air. The nameless, now cleanly dead man, slowly sank to the earth with a grateful little sigh, as the invader swarmed and attacked Fleshsculptor¡¯s beautiful, hideous body of wailing, tormented souls. Every insect sting broke a permanent magical bond, severing that which could not be cut; in their legions they jabbed her, dissolving the insoluble and releasing those who were doomed to serve forever¡­ Her screams began quickly and lasted long into the night. The wasps quickly spread through her small army of the dead, undead and nearly dead, flying too fast for lifeless meat to escape; bringing lasting peace and turning the encampment into a silent, hallowed graveyard on a hill. In the end only one revenant walked slowly back down the valley, as sunset brought life and lights to the town of living men and women dwelling below. # Gabriella Rex, empress of the empire of Light sat back in her carriage and shuddered. ¡°I feel unease, Jocomo¡­ something stirs; I can feel it in the web of bonds we share, my beloved whispers¡­ and yours.¡± She sighed and gazed out the window. Strung through her very soul, spun out with dark magic, evil intent and no care for the people whose lives they¡¯d toyed with; a cult of demon summoning madmen had created an empire of lies over centuries. Through deceit, demon Contracts, torture, murder and endless indoctrination of her citizens, the hidden cult had created aa shadow government, hidden behind a parade of child empresses who invariably died before their majority. The possessed and demon haunted priests of Craft, War and Order had ruled in truth, wielding her people as a tool to expand their influence. They directed every aspect of government from behind the helpless empress, ruling an abomi-nation, to serve their hidden lord. To sustain their master, they had crafted a spellwrought throne, to steal the very life force of the empress and her bond sworn imperial Whispers, her secret police, guardians and servants. Gabbriellea¡¯s mad, broken brother from another world had unwound those spells, leaving the Empress wielding power in her own hands, and her Whispers free to choose to serve her or go their own ways. All had stayed in their posts, enspelled in bonds of loyalty and love for their sweet, slightly silly empress of Light. Wherever she was, wherever they were, she could feel each of her two hundred and fifty whispers, as a faint warmth and a slim, sweetly singing cord of magic. ¡°This feeling is faint and distant, an echo from far away¡­ or a distorted reflection in warped glass.¡± ¡°Fear not, empress of my heart¡­ your witch friend is ¡®on the case¡¯...¡± He sighed. ¡°I really dislike relying on him, but he is terribly reliable.¡± # ¡°Don¡¯t ask me, I¡¯m all messed up, my shit¡¯s super unreliable.¡± Gary complained over his hideous troll foot ritual. ¡°According to this, the rest of this turd burglar is still alive and well¡­ and completely undetectable.¡± He grumbled and broke his ritual with a stroke of a wand made from a possessed sea urchin spine. He sighed as he picked up the awful foot. ¡°He can totally feel this thing still, wherever the hell he¡¯s hiding¡­ poor bastard.¡± ¡°Really, it has some continuing connection? Is that why the foot you hold still lives?¡± Sir Frank Pangbourne asked quietly, from behind his notepad. ¡°Mostly, my lovely wife hexed it on the spot to firm up the connection¡­ She¡¯s a dab hand at that kind of thing.¡± The madman sighed happily, as he strolled over and carefully fitted the hideous foot into a wooden clamp on a modified spinning wheel. He tied a string to a brass ring driven through a big, clawed toenail, hooked to the device¡¯s drive treadle. He gave the wheel a spin and the feathers attached all around the wheel began tickling the sole of the troll¡¯s foot, which made its toes thrash, which drove the spinning wheel on. ¡°The best part, this thing¡¯s entirely mundane, humane and cruelty free¡­¡± He lied merrily. ¡°Now we wait for him to come for his foot.¡± ¡°Fascinating¡­¡± The knight murmured, while sketching the torture device. # He couldn¡¯t even remember his name anymore¡­ so angry, so tired¡­ so ticklish¡­ Ghost foot had stopped for a while¡­ but the tickles came back¡­ giggling troll gets no meat¡­ sneaky troll eats¡­ giggling troll hungry¡­ Slowly, he began dragging himself back up the mountain, he needed his foot back; needed to go back through the darkness and into the other place that was like this one, where his foot was. # Gandree wandered around in the house he¡¯d always seen in his dreams¡­ almost anyway. He spent some time poking in cupboards, snooping and generally enjoying himself. It was not even close to the grand, light and airy home he saw in those fond, hazy dreams. He was getting far closer than his first abortive attempts in his hidden vale had been. Those small huts had been fragile and very temporary, leaving him exhausted for hours after. Since leaving the hold he felt¡­ stronger, more confident in his growing gifts. His bond with Joy had profoundly deepened on his twentieth birthday¡¯s dawn, flooding him with energy and a sense of being more complete. Daisybelle was passed out in the big upstairs bed with one of her huge mutts,while Petunia and Nightshade patrolled the area; leaving him alone to watch the sun come up¡­ for the first time really. He¡¯d been distracted by his new friend¡¯s sudden arrival on his first dawn. It was an impressive thing to see, driving the darkness back and revealing a different kind of beauty among the rugged hills and valleys. By night, the mountains were still, nearly silent and cold, under the dark velvet sky, spangled with innumerable stars. The world breathed more slowly and waited for the dawn, when life and light would pour down in the shady dells and mist shrouded valleys. His dream encounter with the tiny blonde god had lit a firestorm of new ideas inside him¡­ perhaps his musings on the beauty of nature were part of that as well. He felt like he needed more time to decide what to do about the flurry of new feelings and thoughts lurking in the corners of his mind. # A faint flicker of motion caught Nightshade¡¯s eye, as something moved on the hillside, below the two prowling wargs. Something ungainly and large spidered across a rock face, headed for a wide, shadowed cleft, lower on the mountainside; accompanied by the faint sound of a deranged, furious giggle. They¡¯d given the broad, low cavern plenty of distance, after setting up in a clearing a half mile away, since an inexplicable, charnel reek percolated out of the depths when the wind was wrong. While Nightshade watched the troll scrabble up the steep and broken mountainside, tail wagging slowly in frustration; Jasmine dashed back to warn the others of danger. # ¡°Should we really be hunting this thing?¡± Gandree asked softly. ¡°I hunt, you wait here and don¡¯t get in the way. ¡°Or maybe waits till it hunts us again? We clomp it now. King papa will praise me for bringing him its skin and bones.¡± She muttered fiercely. ¡°And Juniella¡¯s lost womp.¡± She snarled at the end. ¡°Juniella?¡± Gandree whispered. ¡°Troll ate her¡­ now I take him and my doggies will eat him up.¡± She grinned her bright, sharp toothed smile in the dark. ¡°Justice.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t be serious¡­¡± He whispered. ¡°Even with just one foot¡­¡± She pulled her oval hoop drum from Nightshade¡¯s capacious ruff and held it out for him to see. The drum¡¯s hoop and braces were made of a pale white substance, tinted faintly yellow, like old ivory or¡­ Bone. Two eye sockets and a nasal cavity stared out from the domeless, skin topped hoop of a very large creature¡¯s skull. ¡°Ogre skull, troll bones and skin¡­¡± Daisybelle announced proudly. ¡°King papa rewards the skilled huntresses with noisy, fun things. I have him make me a flute from this one¡¯s legbones¡­ bass flute!¡± She chittered her teeth eagerly at him. ¡°I¡¯m coming along¡­¡± He grumbled angrily. ¡°Madness.¡± They stalked through the night, carefully stopping to test the wind circle back and scout forward before moving on. Trolls were famously stupid, but occasionally they would spring a canny surprise on cocky hunters¡­ From behind a boulder, several yards up a narrow, rocky climb, an awful, wicked giggle sounded. Daisybelled sighed and nodded to Gandree, indicating that he, Nightshade and Jasmine should continue on the path, as she and Petunia slipped into the scattered woodland glades on the mountainside. He watched her slowly circle around, as he laboriously made his way up the rocky goat path, with one eye on that softly giggling boulder. # He could smell them just down the slope, climbing up up, toward his hungry teeth. He grinned and stifled his tickly-gigglys and waited til the time was right. Smushed by boulder would be easy to eat¡­ ¡°So smart¡­¡± He congratulated himself so softly it was inaudible, past his soft giggle. # The Night Parade Of One Hundred Demons Ch: 11 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance The Night Parade Of One Hundred Demons Ch: 11 Daisybelle and Petunia looked down on the idiot from above, observing his pitiful trap. The boulder he planned to roll down the slope would certainly follow the rutted trail, if it managed to push it all the way over the ledge¡­ The steeply sloped ledge the boulder was balanced on, through some quirk of time and chance. Even Daisybelle¡¯s admittedly limited knowledge of what stones do when rolled suggested that the mad thing was going to have regrets. The wretch was beyond skeletal, little more than skin stretched over bones the object lodged inside him was now very obviously a wickedly barbed spearhead of some kind. It looked really uncomfortable. She prayed to her new gods and all the spirits, that they might bless whom so ever had jammed that nasty weapon in there. She peered down at Gandree and the other two wargs, making enough noise for a small platoon of goblin huntresses, as they clambered up the trail. They were staying close to large boulders, trees and obstructions, lest the troll somehow achieve his¡­ With a grating scrape, the fool lunged against his huge, ovoid granite lump shifting it from its precarious seat¡­ and down the ledge straight at the hobbling, maimed monster. With a shriek of frustrated rage, it leapt for the sheer cliff face, trying to scramble up, only to fall back down to the ledge, almost directly under the rolling boulder. With a wet, splatting, grinding sound, the boulder rolled away; stained red and black with troll stuff including the pulped remains of what looked like a hand. The half flattened, bloody wreck staggered to its one foot, stump leg, shattered, ragged half arm and skittered up the ledge at a truly impressive speed, screaming all the way. It vanished around a bend and into the rocky wastes, still cursing, giggling and weeping piteously. ¡°It feels like he¡¯ll be back.¡± Gandree muttered, as the awful thing vanished into a narrow cleft, high up on the jagged peaks. # In the town of Lake Forest, the people had gotten really good at ignoring the looming nightmare that had been looming above their peaceful lakeside city for more than a decade. The denizens of that shadow haunted necropolis were quiet neighbors, as the unquiet dead go. Since the Necromancer had taken up residence, only the occasional haunt or shade drifted through the town; on the way up the hill, never to return. A few would-be ¡®heroes¡¯ had marched up to confront the lord of the undead, only to return sheepishly unwilling to relate any tales of their adventures. Sycophants hoping for an arse to kiss returned to town slightly less frequently. Of those who took the necropolis road hoping to curry favor with an unwholesome and inimical being, most came back¡­ but none were willing to remain under the shadow of that reclusive and terrifying being. Their unseen ¡®lich lord¡¯ master made few demands, issued few edicts and seemed uninterested in the men, women and children of the small city. The nameless creature had only two demands: That the city¡¯s honored dead; whether humans, familiars or pets, be left at the necropolis gate at dusk, on the night of their passing; and that no living person should enter the vast cemetery compound. So far, the terrible things that moved and whispered in the shadows and mists of that haunted place had not emerged to wreak havoc, yet. The good citizens also tried pretending that they were not caught between the terrifying master of the necropolis on the high plateau above them¡­ and the army of animated corpses and horrific monsters that had encamped above the town on the valley side in the night. They also worked really hard to pretend that undead abominations had not been crossing the town since the new arrivals had appeared. On rotting leather wings, stumbling, corpse feet or worse yet, shambling along looking alive¡­ but dead eyed and terrifying; they shambed up to the necropolis and did not return. Only as evening began to fall, did one of the terrible, nearly living mockeries of human life re-emerge from the long road up to the city of the dead. It walked with purpose and urgency, rather than listless, shambling steps; headed up to the encampment of terrors and nightmares on the pass above town. The sounds that drifted down from the mountain pass a little while later were dreadful, with a long, unnaturally loud female scream shivering out for hours and hours, before finally falling silent as dawn approached. Sunrise revealed the pavilions and pickets standing empty, no zombies marched down on the city, no hulks of sewn together flesh rattled their chains and roared for meat¡­ Even the undead crows and bats that had darkened the sky were nowhere to be seen. Only the patient silence of the grave lingered on the high pass. A tall man in black walked down the road alone, as the sun rose. His tall, cloaked and hooded form cast a terribly long and wide shadow behind him, reaching all the way back up to the pass... or so it seemed. Only one resident of the necropolis ever left those ancient gates of rune sealed iron. The Necromancer¡¯s butler was seldom seen in town; and then only briefly. He would appear without warning, usually to trade with shopkeepers or the traveling merchants that visited from time to time. The large man always wore a long coat, a concealing hood, was invariably polite to everyone and traded open handedly; hardly dickering at all. He traded in simple things; milk and eggs, butter, cheese and flour¡­ as any householder might. He paid in coin and departed without doing more than causing a stir in the marketplace; and beginning fresh rounds of gossip that there was no Necromancer on the high plateau. Once his dealings were done he would vanish back up the necropolis road as suddenly as he arrived¡­ where none could, would, or dared follow. # It was a long, long walk up the steep, switchbacked necropolis road to his home. His shadow dragged behind him, heavy as a fully laden trader¡¯s pack, he could barely haul it up the mountain. It weighed on him spiritually, as a small legion of tainted mortal souls and outsiders squirmed and thrashed in his clutches. He sighed and kept trudging, he would need to lay out under the sun all day to cleanse these filthy things from his shadow and digest their immortal essence. The Necromancer sighed in exhaustion as he closed the massive iron gate and sealed it with a flex of his Will. He drew a short, flat blade of carved bone from his coat and slowly used the magical knife to slice his shadow away from his feet, with a pained grunt. Shadow dribbled and ran from his feet like black blood, spreading out into an amorphous, pulsating mass. His previous shadow shattered into a mass of flitting, flying obsidian wasps, swarming among the vast plateau of graves, crypts and monuments. Only a thick, black, tarry residue remained, stubbornly resisting his unique curse, for a time. Even the potent and ancient commander of that army would eventually submit, just as all the others had¡­ the only question was what to make from such loathsome materials. He walked home among his vast legion of shadows; obedient and faithful, patiently awaiting release from his service. He¡¯d been drawn to this place, by some unremembered call¡­ Some inner need to be here and watch over these graves and tombs. They called him, calmed him, soothed his mind and eased his pain; a bit. It was still there, clawing at his lower back and up into his heart, as if all the goodness and life had been scooped out of him and replaced with something cold, brittle and furious. Haunts and shades bustled up, carrying away stubborn clots of semi liquid shadow-stuff down into the catacombs to ferment and mature. Down in the depths, where the light never touched they would find out the truth, and join his legion. The only exceptions were the would-be demon lords¡­ visiting justice on them was the only true salve for his furious, passionate rage. This one didn¡¯t deserve to become a musical instrument, even the twisted and wretched mortal cultists were redeemable, once they became faceless, unremembered shadows in his army of vengeance. Below the cheery red roof of his home, down in the workshop, he started the long task of tanning, sewing and binding the ¡®Fleshsculptor¡¯ into her final form. ¡°If you¡¯d had even a scrap of morality or a thought for your victims, I might have made you a bass drum¡­¡± He whispered to the softly screaming mass of faces and peeled skin, as he slipped it into his tanning solution. ¡°I gave you a sense of smell and taste, because pain alone lacks savor.¡± He sighed as the acidic preservative solution engulfed her. ¡°There¡¯s a ton of my own piss in the mix. Enjoy that.¡± # Gary regretted the instruments he¡¯d crafted and lost over the years. Several dozen demons had tried to ¡®recruit¡¯ him, as he¡¯d passed through their varied and petty domains. More than a few of his cursed toys had been abandoned or lost as he fled angry cultists, furious at the slaying and subsequent desecration of their ¡®god¡¯ by a wandering stranger. More were lost when a band of wandering harpies had managed to break into and loot his house while he was away, hunting for food. Oris the Bonerender had become a nasty little shamisen, Huma Skintaker was a drum now, while Jumek Hungerhowl became a miserable little bone flute¡­ wherever those harpies had taken them, he hoped they weren¡¯t causing any trouble. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°In any case,¡± He told his project, as he sewed a blanket stitch around the edge, securing the hideous leather rug to a backing of tough crab-wool cloth, for durability, and to itch abominably, where no one could ever scratch. ¡°My patience has long since run out and now I¡¯m done gathering power and energy¡­ It¡¯s time to cut the festering foreign matter out of this world and start the healing. You are barely a scab on the world¡¯s arse, to be scraped off and forgotten.¡± He smiled down at his tormented, infernal construct. ¡°No one will even remember you, and when this thing succumbs to decay, you won¡¯t even exist any more. That¡¯s a nice thought.¡± A few days later, the Necromancer¡¯s butler strolled back into town¡­ For the first time, he walked through the streets, whistling gaily, his hood back, smiling and waving to the startled people as he passed. He was done pretending to be the Necromancer¡¯s butler, however things turned out. His face was bland featured and¡­ utterly normal. The fellow was a shaggy haired, large man with sun browned skin and workman¡¯s hands, he seemed perfectly normal, if a bit odd. He called out to the people, in a singsong accent that the shopkeepers recognized, but in a rich, strident voice, rather than his usual quiet murmur. ¡°No one goes on the streets after dark tonight¡­ The lord commands it! Draw your curtains, lock your doors, bring in your pets!¡± He called in the town square, standing by the fountain. ¡°Spread the word, no one may be on the streets after sundown tonight!¡± He sang into the mid day crowd. ¡°Hyakki Yagy¨­, the night parade of one hundred demons, dances tonight! The lord of the necropolis is going to war and death will be passing by your doors¡­ it¡¯s best you not invite them in!¡± # Sweet, raucous music came tumbling down the mountain side, as full darkness claimed the valley. Hundreds of instruments, wielded by an army of musicians and marching feet slowly approached the empty, abandoned town, drifting in a cloud of mist and shadows that followed their leader through the darkened town. A staggering number of haunted drums, cursed xylophones, bewitched flutes and benighted guitars sang out in the night, shredding the peace. Marching boots, slow thudding, ponderous footfalls, slithering, scuttling, clattering all on a single beat a single musical march to war to the tune of the musician at the front of the swarm. He stepped and danced, twirling and leaping with joy and fury combined, the prancing, piping mad flautist of children¡¯s nightmares; calling his legions to his side. A cadre of shadow guitarists followed after, leading the legion in song though all their varied and disparate throats and other less human things: Gardens of Nocturne, forbidden delight, Reins of steel and it''s alright! Cities on flame, with rock ''n'' roll! Marshal will buoy, but Fender control! Beneath a banner bearing a blue oyster moon on a field of star spangled night, his cult of the dead gathered their new allies from the mortal remains scattered on the mountain pass, swelling his army of shambling husks and shadow draped corpses. # Wracked with pain, mangled and too hungry to properly regenerate his shattered shoulder and arm, the giggling troll was reduced to scrabbling in the rocks for ground squirrels and rats. He¡¯d emerged into the place where ticklefoot was¡­ but too hungry, too weak. Slowly the creature crawled down the mountain from the dark cleft of shadows that led to this place, through the screaming dark place. He sniffed out bird¡¯s nests, chewed pine cones, scavenged a wet bit of rotting meat from beneath a flat stone¡­ ¡°Oh¡­ sheep innards¡­¡± He sighed, as sweet, rotting flesh crossed his lips at last. Someone had looted the larder around his goblins¡¯ cave¡­ Even the two and a half gobbs he¡¯d stashed up on the cliffside, for just such an emergency. That last scrap of slimy kidney was all he had left of his army of goblins. # A wagon and horses, three girls and only one or two human males, it was too much of a temptation¡­ Even if the humans fled.. He¡¯d at least snag one, maybe a girl, or the smaller horse¡­ ¡°Oh, horse meat meat¡­¡± He whispered as he approached through the rocky upland forest. Delusionally hungry and deranged by pain, he didn¡¯t plan or scheme, just leapt from the trees, frothing at the mouth, reaching out with his good hand and the half regenerated, boney nub of the other. His claws slashed at one of the men on the cart, only to rebound with a metallic shriek from the man¡¯s companion¡¯s hidden steel shield. The girls all had hidden armor and pointy things too! Spears and swords slashed at his face, taking first one eye, then his long, pointy nose. Metal bits jabbed and stabbed, driving him back¡­ even the horses, instead of fleeing, they struck and kicked, battering the desperate predator. A scant few seconds later, a swarm of fast moving meat on dead horses sped at the melee from down the road. Lances and spears struck, skewered and did awful things to his already abused body, until he fled over a rocky cliff and vanished among the stones. Arrows and small stabby things peppered his hide until the woods hid him completely; usually those were only a nuisance and quickly healed. These arrows and darts left sharp and pointy things inside him when he clawed the shafts free, just like the hurled spear of that stupid human. He growled through his deranged giggle, as his hungry guts churned around that awful metal thing. # Harry lowered his flute, after puffing one last envenomed dart at the fleeing monster. He smiled as he heard it yelp from so far away. Larksong had hit it a number of times, her specially designed shafts of fragile pre-scored bamboo shattered and left a splintered mess and a barbed head in the wound. Harry¡¯s darts were more subtle; poisons from his father¡¯s vast collection of noxious, dangerous and just downright weird things he¡¯d collected. Rio and Wilf specialized in extracting valuable things from horrible, dead monsters and collecting the mutated organs they seemed to always possess. The family¡¯s wide ranging and highly active Adventurers spent their careers slaying loathsome and strange things, and picking up interesting parts, pieces and samples as well. All of that came home to Papa, who worked his arts and crafts to create the medicines, potions, tools, weapons and armors that kept his family alive and healthy in a world that spawned monsters with some regularity. ¡°What did you get him with, Harry?¡± Barry asked, as they settled the nervous familiars and prepared to make camp. ¡°A few things, I don¡¯t have high hopes.¡± He sighed and began playing his flute, rather than launching darts from it. ¡°Pops tried a bunch of stuff on that foot before we left, it seems pretty resistant to poison.¡± He continued after a few bars of ¡®Merrily Kissed The Quaker¡¯. ¡°Yeah, but you must have had some ideas if you spent your precious darts on it.¡± The bigger lad urged, as Lindsey and Flash ambled over to see if a dance was going to start. ¡°Oh, maybe¡­ but for now, take the lady for a turn around the meadow while we do our thing.¡± He muttered, still watching the woods. ¡°Larry, Perry and I can handle it this time.¡± # ¡°It appeared for a few minutes, then vanished again, somewhere north east¡­ where my kids are¡­¡± Gary growled, sounding unpredictable and dangerous. ¡°I¡¯ll take the Ragamuffins up there, we¡¯ll head out as soon as we can. Send your little bird flute to warn them in the meantime.¡± Dannyl murmured to his big, crazy brother. ¡°I¡¯ll go along, if you¡¯ll have me.¡± Sir Kermal offered. ¡°Duke Julius decided I¡¯d be more helpful here, than hunting slavers down south.¡± ¡°Glad to have you. You¡¯ve faced trolls before?¡± The smaller man asked quietly. ¡°They¡¯re almost impossible to kill, unless you are willing to do the work. If either a heart or a brain is left intact, it can grow a whole new troll in a few weeks. Severed limbs typically grow back in minutes¡­ or hours if it¡¯s hungry.¡± ¡°I usually work the human side of the business, mostly criminals, pirates, slavers and such. I¡¯ll follow your lead for this.¡± The swarthy young knight said with a smile, watching Gary play his little ocarina with a sublime smile of joy on his face. The high, sweet strains of music soared into the sky, along with his little clay birdy; winging its way off to the northeast. ¡°Thanks guys¡­ this means a lot to me.¡± Gary whispered, as his familiar stung him just a little, right behind the ear. ¡°Thanks to you too, Kree. I was about to shit my pants.¡± ¡°Gross.¡± The tiny wasp girl whispered in her master¡¯s ear. ¡°Yeah, bro¡­ We¡¯ll take good care of them for you.¡± Kermal murmured as the big guy slumped down into the sofa by the fire. # Fleshsculptor had disappeared on her errand some time ago¡­ certainly long enough to destroy some minor wight and return to her duties¡­ Without new flesh and fresh meat senses, the Pontiff couldn¡¯t truly address his problems directly¡­ and things were going to continue to unspool without his direct intercession. In that light, Lumos considered the situation from a slightly different angle. The main difficulty of the demonic overlord lifestyle was the tedium of day to day mortal business¡­ Gaining access to mortal worlds and mortal flesh was difficult, but long millenia of study, practice and patience always paid off eventually. The mortal urge to peer into places they should not, was so deliciously useful and entertaining. But maintaining a mortal¡¯s body was just a ton of work. The only other real downside was the infinitesimally small chance that a mortal mage or wizard might find a way to imprison an immortal for a time. Time was a commodity that immortals could spare, while the humans lived and died like beetles in an abandoned corpse¡­ Scurrying about importantly in their brief, flickering lives, while their world decayed around them. The Grand Pontiff¡¯s reflections were interrupted by a mortal servitor, they were a nuisance but a well run theocracy needed her priests and inquisitors; and even the least of immortals was not going to take on an actual job. ¡°A package, Grand Pontiff Lumos¡­ Blessings of the light be upon you¡­¡± The trembling human cultist whispered as he set the long, tightly rolled cylinder down on the polished marble floor. ¡°Well, what id it?¡± The cadaverous form of the Pontiff rasped, one of his teeth falling to the foot of his throne with a soft clatter, going nearly unnoticed as he spoke. ¡°I was instructed to open it only before your holiness¡¯ own eyes.¡± The rotund cultist whispered, flop-sweat plastering his fine and costly robes to his plushly well fed form. ¡°Ged on wid id! Pathedik fool!¡± The decrepit high priest spat in rheumy, liver spotted rage. Poor, sweaty lord Monroy Fergan pulled the neat little green ribbon bow securing the rolled object and stepped back as it unfurled on its own. A circular rug lay before the Pontiffs¡¯ throne, a full two dozen human faces staring up at him from the center of the object. As one, all the eyes opened, staring in accusation at the wizened, skeletal man on the throne. With one voice they cried out in a harmonious, choral song. There''s a little black spot on the sun today, It''s the same old thing as yesterday¡­ The chubby cultist screamed and fled the room, as Fleshsculptor¡¯s tortured voice sang out from her own peeled and tanned, stolen faces; in a chorus of weeping pain. The human souls animating those remnants were gone, cleansed entirely, leaving only the wrecked and very mortal, undead ruin of the best necro-theurge in all the wide multiverse, rendered into a singing, weeping floor mat. I''ve stood here before, inside the pouring rain, With the world turning circles, running ''round my brain. I guess I''m always hoping that you''ll end this reign, But it''s my-destiny to be the king of pain. Fleshsculptor¡¯s wretched shade sang the entire song before she was allowed to gasp out her request. ¡°R¡­Release¡­ Me¡­ Please¡­¡± ¡°No, fool¡­¡± Lumos rasped. ¡°Tell me what did this, tell me how¡­! There''s a little black spot on the sun today, It''s the same old thing as yesterday¡­ The awful haunted thing sang its strange song again, before begging for release¡­ again and again¡­ ¡°Place this in the hall of confession¡­ The penitents can grovel on a rug that grovels back¡­¡± Luxor gasped, bloody spittle flecking his lips. ¡°Cursed weaklings and fools¡­¡± He spat. ¡°Bring me a new vessel, this one is spent.¡± He sagged back on his throne, pulling his consciousness back into the sacred reliquary hidden in the highest seat. Tonight the mortals would mourn their fallen Pontiff, tomorrow, they would celebrate the ascension of the Grand Pontiff Lumos the twenty¡­ eighth¡­ Ninth? ¡°Curses, I¡¯ve lost count again.¡± Were the dying priest king¡¯s last words. # Lumos never had to wait too long. He was always honest with his cultists; ¡°...to become Pontiff is to subjugate oneself entirely to the will of the ¡®god¡¯...¡± It was never very long before an eager new bottom landed on the sacred throne, confident that they would surely be rewarded richly¡­ or perhaps be the one to gain control and wield power. The latest sniveling, lust and greed obsessed wretch¡¯s soul went screaming into the endless depths of Lumos¡¯ reliquary; to feed the new master of the body left sitting on the throne. # ¡°Twenty-seventh!¡± The former body of Lord Reginald Whilsimar, high priest of Enliel and Senvera said, as he sat up after finishing an ear-rending scream of mortal terror. ¡°All hail Lumos the twenty-seventh, Grand Pontiff of the empire of Light!¡± He said through a throat screamed raw only moments before. ¡°Twenty-ninth, lord Pontiff.¡± Someone mumbled from the cardinal¡¯s seats. ¡°Have the all twenty cardinals flayed alive and their skins made into shoes for their families.¡± Lumos ordered quietly, savoring their terror and enjoying the pleading and screams. ¡°And fetch me some honeyed tea.¡± He stood on strong new legs and strode out of the throne room for the first time in decades. ¡°The empire is going to war¡­¡± # Mirror, Mirror Ch: 12 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Mirror, Mirror Ch: 12 Marduk was lecturing a select group of interested deities and spirits, in the private garden under the Strange, High House in the Mist; suggesting some wildly innovative ideas. ¡°By touching just one mortal in this empty, fractional, liminal, gateway world, I¡¯ve glimpsed a stunning new vista¡­ This halfreal space we occupy here and one or two others I am aware of are uniquely able to allow us to address mortals directly, in their conscious state and with mortal language.¡± He ran his eyes over his class, satisfied that they were attentive. ¡°I am now a pan-dimensional deity, if only in a small way. The increase in perspective is stunning¡­ I suggest that not only our world was subject to invasion and encroachment by outside forces. I put it to you that we are still under threat of invasion by an active cabal of outsider dickweeds with a taste for cruelty.¡± He let the gathered divines bustle and whisper that over for a while. ¡°That means these jerks are still knocking at the doors to our realm, and sneaking in through open windows where they can.¡± The hubbub from that one almost became a ruckus. ¡°Now I shall tell you a great secret, The persistent rumors that immortal lights have been continuing to wink out is true.¡± He enjoyed the chaos after that nugget dropped; and it went on a while. ¡°Yes, the thing so many of the others feared and sought to stamp out has spread to a mortal realm between realities, while remaining deeply rooted to our own home.¡± He cackled a little as a few deities blanched. ¡°Several dozen minor immortals who have been making trouble and setting themselves up as gods have gone screaming into the place only mortals know. They were all the same kind of invading, mortal murdering twerps that my favored cultist was eradicating, before the pantheon at large got so¡­ interested in him.¡± Marduk let that marinate for a while, as Eponna, Thirp and a few dryads circulated in the crowd. Eventually he judged the time was right and pounced. ¡°Now, you get that rarest of things, a second chance. You can choose, will we repeat the mistakes of the past, or try something new, for once in our eternities? You may bury your head in the clouds and ignore the mortals, as we have for so long¡­ that worked out poorly for everyone. Or you can interfere, in cowardly panic; perhaps you might actually manage to destroy more of yourselves¡­ That would be interesting at least.¡± He smiled at them, a coldly furious smile that no one was a big fan of among the gathered divinities. ¡°My friends and I plan to infiltrate this liminal world, plant our cults in the poor mortals trapped there and bring the whole plot out into the light¡­ This is your invitation to the party. Be there or be square.¡± He laughed with delight at something that only he saw¡­ ¡°It¡¯s a project an old friend of mine has been working on for some few mortal years already. He really is furious.¡± # ¡°Those unContracted living mortals who flee, will be allowed to escape!¡± The Necromancer shouted into the legion of cultists and their terrified mob of peasant conscripts. ¡°You living mortals who wish to be released from your demon Contracts, lay down your arms and submit. You will be unshackled and left free and alive on this field.¡± A long, dreadful silence unfurled, as the shadowy, eerie army of the dead lingered in the forest, facing the army of Jonasburg, the city of wine and song. The conscripts swirled and shifted restively, as whip cracks and screams rang out in the gathering dusk. ¡°So be it.¡± The tall figure on a huge palanquin borne by four skeletal ogres shouted impossibly loud, louder than any mortal could; his voice, with its slightly musical accent rolled across the fields and rebounded from the city walls. ¡°Bring forth my Marshal¡­ Marshal Stacks!¡± He called, as a massive form lumbered forward. The massive, haunted carapace of a stag beetle, the shell filled with boiling shadow lumbered forward, dragging a truly enormous wagon behind. It turned broadside to the gathered army of men and stopped, presenting an array of shining metal disks, stretched hides wrought with arcane runes and odd metal cones and horns to the tremulous men at arms. In the center a massive bass drum bore the painted image of a wide smiling man with one huge gold tooth. ¡°Those who are about to rock, we salute you.¡± He declared, as an awful noise began behind him¡­ and poured out terribly loud from the giant soundwagon of occult witchcraft. # Music spread out across the army and into the town, sweet, seductive, mellow music, at a volume that could not be ignored. One shadow, holding a curly horn of shadowstuff stood at the fore, blowing ¡®Feels So Good¡¯ out across the dance battle unfolding on the plains below the city. The officers halted mid command, puzzled and more than a little concerned¡­ those with supernatural senses could feel¡­ something hidden, primal¡­ instinctive moving in their army. The music shifted, even as their host began to move and sway in time. A chorus of male voices began to sing, softly at first, then with greater volume. ¡­I was slippin'' into darkness, When they took, when they took my friend away! You know he loves to drink good whiskey! Wo ho ho ho While laughing at the moon! Slippin'' into darkness! Take my mind beyond the dreams, I was slippin'' into darkness! First squadron was still trying to discern their lord¡¯s order over the noise, when the peasant conscripts acted. They began to sway and stomp, popping their hips on the beat and stomping at the elite warriors behind them. ¡°Corporal Janus¡­ did we just get¡­ served?¡± He asked carefully. ¡°Yes sir, major Duncan¡­ Pretty badly too. There¡¯s a couple lads out there with serious moves.¡± Janus answered, shaken by the press of battle. ¡°Counter attack on the next changeup, I want to see bodies hit the floor¡­¡± He paused, listening. ¡°Is that a rumba? Rally the men, I¡¯m taking the field.¡± It got more confusing from there, as the people of the city streamed out en masse, shaking their bottoms, invading the pitch, as it were. While the citizens of Joansberg, or Jannburg, whatever, while they were busy moving their booties, slaves to the dance, his legion was scouring the city, seeking his true prey. La Luna would manage what remained here, under the light of the Quietus Moon, within the spell of his dance¡­ no curse or geas could last. Demonic Contracts, hidden spells and unclean hexes would drift away, when he pulled his shadow back from the moon. # Harry sent the little clay bird winging back down the valley to the sweet strains of ¡®The Man Who Shot The Windmill¡¯¡­ Just cause he liked the melody and the title was silly. ¡°That always makes him laugh¡­¡± Barry murmured from the kitchen, where he was making late night snacks. ¡°When you drag something obscure out of our memories.¡± ¡°Is it strange?¡± Lindsey asked gently, leaning over the counter to speak to the two boys alone. ¡°Sharing so many of your early memories¡­ of that other world?¡± ¡°It¡¯s super strange, I¡¯m sure.¡± Harry whispered back. ¡°But it¡¯s who we are. Little of what we remember of the other world is useful or even makes sense, much of the time.¡± He shrugged and smiled. ¡°We get bits and pieces, flickers of something called ¡®pop culture¡¯ and the rest is mostly just music.¡± Barry sighed, as bowls of falafel hummus and baba ghanouj landed among baskets of fresh naan. ¡°And weirdly¡­ food. That¡¯s probably because we¡¯re always hungry.¡± # ¡°There¡¯s something ravenous in those hills¡­¡± Dannyl murmured quietly as they rode. ¡°Something desperate and restrained¡­¡± ¡°Sasha feels it too¡­ It¡¯s new, or at least it¡¯s newly awakened.¡± Kermal agreed from the back of the group, where he was riding trail. ¡°It¡¯s not hungry, not really¡­ that¡¯s spiritual hunger, the draw of the beyond on souls restrained.¡± Rio muttered angrily. ¡°So many souls, trapped in¡­¡± He shrugged, which did little in the darkness they rode through. Head and tail lights swept up the valley in the late evening dark, flashing by too quickly for most of the farm dogs to even bark at them. A group of lightly armored warriors flew up the dark, tree lined road, silent and swift headed for the northern, upper valley side, where no men yet lived. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Among the trees, craggy boulders and riven slabs of tilted granite began to appear, as they rode higher up the valley side. They slowed as the party diverged onto a mining road, headed for a long column of smoke and steam, glimmering faintly under the moons¡¯ light. A half hour after full darkness, the team rolled into a clearing below a crag, tucked among the pines on the shoulder of the mountain; right into their home in miniature. ¡°I like what you¡¯ve done with the place.¡± Amy called, as she unbuckled her helmet and deactivated her bike¡¯s magical glowstone lights. ¡°It feels¡­ more substantial, more present.¡± ¡°We had a bit of a breakthrough. Get settled and we¡¯ll talk about it.¡± Harry yawned mightily. ¡°We drove off¡­ some fraction of a troll a couple hours ago. It¡¯s in no condition to be a threat to anything that belongs in these hills.¡± # The necromancer¡¯s shadow wights found them, found them all¡­ Hiding in concealed and warded ritual sites, ancient, forgotten temples to unremembered gods; corrupted and re-used for foul things. He found them under flesh traders houses and behind the desks at government offices¡­ Men and women with foreign souls squatting in bodies without true minds. Hidden in the open, living as aristocrats, merchants and crime bosses, judges and priests, the true masters of the town were unclean constructs of undeath and outsider influence. He needn¡¯t have bothered searching the poorer quarters, they were always found among luxuries and the trappings of wealth. They begged, blubbered, threatened and bullied, but like the souls of those they were impersonating, they were dragged out, leaving clean, empty corpses behind to join his ever swelling host. # At dawn the army of the dead was gone, only the bodies of the populace remained, scattered across the wide fields in a tangled, sprawling harvest of unmoving flesh. Two hundred men and women died in the sack of the town, more or less. Their animating spirits were dragged screaming into the void by shadow wights with clawed hands and wide gaping, hungry mouths, even while the citizens of the town were dancing to wild, frenetic music, in the thrall of the dead. Starlight¡¯s familiar glow slowly strengthened over the town, as shadows pulled back from the glimmering, silvery sickle of a crescent moon, cratered and pocked into the image of a grinning humanoid skull inside the wicked sharp curve. Black motes whirled and swirled above the army, before darting into the mountains to the north with a silent rush of immaterial wings, where they vanished among the crags. ¡°Gotta do something about that, too¡­¡± The exhausted Necromancer gasped, laying back on his palanquin, as a skeleton brought him a flask of watered wine. His army marched on, while the necromancer rested leaving chaos in its wake. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have tried for the whole town¡­ too much, too many old and sick people¡­¡± The skeleton didn¡¯t answer, naturally, no tongue, or brain¡­ Major Duncan Kline rolled over and sat up with a groan¡­ confused, sore and exhausted by a barely remembered night of revelry and dance under the¡­ moon? He looked to the sky, as it slowly faded to pale blue under dawn¡¯s approach. There it was, hiding, sliding along under the stars, just slipping away across the sky to hide among the mountains¡­ The rest of the people were stirring, babies and children began to cry, as they awoke under a lightening sky, where they¡¯d collapsed on the grainfields around town when they couldn¡¯t dance any more. # ¡°What you have done violates sacred tradition!¡± Dana wailed at Marduk, jabbing her good pointer finger at the small deity in accusation. ¡°Does it though?¡± He asked with a sweet smile on his lips. A smile that looked, to blessed Dana, Healer of wounds; more like the cruel jaws of a hidden trap snapping closed on a hapless fool. ¡°Beast has touched every world, every domain and every flicker of animate life in all the vastness of the¡­ Well, everything. Is he not a member of this, and also so many other pantheons?¡± He fluttered his eyelashes at her, fanning the flames of her anger. ¡°It was in fact, Sweet lady Joy herself who was first called to a faithful soul, lost on that fractal, fragmented domain. Shall you call her to account?¡± He sighed at the gathered conclave of immortals, gathered by the standing stones. ¡°Doing nothing is an option¡­ so far it hasn¡¯t worked out for any of us, but by all means, carry on¡­ as I shall carry on, in my own way. Lady Thirp, myself and a few others have followers calling to us there, we will answer and try to shed a little light; before the place can be consumed by darkness.¡± With a shrug of his narrow shoulders and a toss of divine curls, he strolled away from the gathering, calling out over his shoulder: ¡°You ill served my friends once, to your sorrow¡­ and mine. I¡¯ll not allow it to happen again.¡± # At dawn, Shai prodded her poor, befuddled husband awake and shoved him into clothes despite his clumsy, half wasted attempts to ¡®help¡¯. ¡°...jello world¡­¡± ¡°I might have got him too good last night¡­¡± Kree mumbled awkwardly from behind his ear. ¡°He didn¡¯t befoul himself or fall down in the yard, though!¡± ¡°Aye, honeybee, ye did well. He just hae not recovered from foolishly challenging a goddess tae a fistfight.¡± She swatted his cheeks a few times, rousing him enough for the scent of fresh coffee, eggs and bacon to do the rest. ¡°Oh¡­ so hungry!¡± He gasped over the rim of his mug. ¡°Feed me, woman! The master of the house hungers!¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s a silly day.¡± Liam said, as he sat down at the table, dressed as a common Adventurer, in light leathers. ¡°How long until he can think straight?¡± ¡°Food, coffee, a bit of music, some exercise¡­ another bath¡­¡± Tallum rumbled, as he shoved his goofy brother back down onto his bench with gentle hands. ¡°He¡¯ll be sane around third bell.¡± The giant turned from the count, to address his charge. ¡°No Gary, breakfast first, then you can play with your new guitar.¡± ¡°Aww¡­¡± The befuddled man mumbled. ¡°You¡¯re mean.¡± He continued to whine and complain, while also devouring more food than should have been possible for one person. A half hour later, he was propped up on a stool, holding a yellow slab of vaguely familiar guitar. ¡°Teleblaster?¡­¡± He burbled merrily as he tuned up. ¡°I made one before. I lost it when Amy was born, dreamed about it a few nights ago, so I made a new one¡­¡± He strummed the thing and smiled as a rich, slightly metallic cry split the morning. ¡°Nae too much, lad, yer fingers hae healed, but I¡¯d not see thee bloodied again.¡± Shai warned from behind her violin, lifting the music higher with her own instrument and her sweet, chiming bells. ¡°All right, I¡¯m in.¡± Count Liam sighed, as his own guitar slipped into view from their shared storage gift. # Tawny listened to the music, floating up from the in, down by the lake and sighed, remembering the days when she could truly call that place home. The fall of War, Order and Craft had plunged the world into chaos on the night of the Madman¡¯s moon¡­ chaos that threatened to engulf the remaining gods and their clerics. Only Joy, Healer, Beast and the Spirits Air, Earth, Water, Fire and Light kept the panicked world and its peoples from descending into an age of darkness. Shai had been a rock of stability, even in her grief; a solid point to anchor herself to, while the world went mad around them. Amy, Wilf, Rio, and then the four triplets had been vital, the bedrock that kept Shai so firmly fixed on the shady banks of the river Belen, just across the bridge from Wheatford town. The inn had been her true home for those years, until Gary returned, cursed, broken and unclean in the sight of her goddess. No amulets, sutras or cleansing rituals could allow her to stand his presence, only dogged stubbornness and friendship had kept her coming back, despite the discomfort. Now it was a forbidden place, the thought of going down there was uncomfortable, jarring and deeply unpleasant. Dana was no help at all¡­ The goddess seemed even more agitated than before¡­ whatever was going on, got worse. ¡°Goblins, trolls, redcaps, dungeons and giant bugs¡­¡± She sighed to the geraniums potted on the balcony. ¡°This seems familiar¡­ like a distorted reflection in a warped glass¡­¡± The humble plants had no advice for the countess, neither on her mortal problems, nor the divine mysteries. # Harry was lecturing at breakfast, again. ¡°...So a void maw will allow mortals to pass from one realm of reality to another, but at great risk and with great discomfort.¡± He announced carefully. ¡°Only sentients can pass through unchanged, or at least, only slightly changed. Non sentient creatures always emerge tainted with some monstrous traits and begin ¡®monstering up¡¯ within a few days or weeks.¡± Lindsey was taking notes, while Barry was taking note of how her shoulder length, lustrous brown hair draped over her smooth, lightly tanned throat. Dannyl took up the discussion, as Harry handed him the bronze tipped pointer stick and waved him toward the chalkboard. ¡°This troll obviously knows where another entrance is, somewhere in these mountains¡­ We need to find it and secure it against further incursions into this world.¡± He paused to sketch a very startlingly accurate depiction of a typical troll, in a few lines of chalk. He considered for a moment, then added a few stink lines and erased one foot. ¡°We¡¯ll track him, find the entrance and hopefully snuff him or trap him where he belongs, on the other side.¡± ¡°Do you think this is another dungeon? Or part of the same one?¡± Becky asked, from behind her own notepad. ¡°Yes and no¡­¡± I¡¯ve been in a few dungeons, they are always a flipside, strangely similar reflection of the world. If you go into any dungeon, it can often be superficially the same place, with reversed directions¡­¡± He explained, poorly. ¡°Imagine entering a cave, getting turned around in the dark and re emerging from the same entrance, but on another world that is similar.¡± He waited a moment for that pinch of leaves to steep in their minds. ¡°With all different people, animals, wildlife, even their own civilizations.¡± ¡°Wild¡­ so why don¡¯t people travel to other worlds?¡± Larry asked, sounding super stoked. ¡°Because most of them suck. Our world, according to people I trust, is pretty isolated and largely sealed off. The void maws that lead here don¡¯t directly connect to the larger multi¡­ whatever. They dump out into a fractional world, infested with monsters and dangerous beasts.¡± ¡°So this might be just another entrance into the same ¡®fractional world¡¯ but just at a different spot?¡± Harry asked. ¡°Maybe or maybe a sub realm of that world that also connects here¡­¡± He stopped for a moment to consider, before continuing. ¡°By fractional world I mean just that, multiple isolated instances of say, these three or four valleys, but sealed off from each other, existing in largely the same space and, or time; but all different and interconnected with this world at different points.¡± He plucked a small, faceted gem from his pocket. ¡°This is just a shiny piece of quartz crystal, there¡¯s heaps of them everywhere in these mountains, each one is unique, each one has unique facets and shines or reflects in its own way, but they are essentially the same. Just as each facet on each of them is also individual and distinct.¡± He smiled warmly at the kids. ¡°If you ever go into one, remember to exit the same way, or you might get lost in the eternal maze between worlds.¡± ¡°Unless you have a spirit guide.¡± Amy offered helpfully, while petting Shiro. ¡°Wait, wouldn¡¯t any bond with the god of Beasts or his retainers work too?¡± ¡°I was trying to be all mysterious and ominous Ames¡­¡± The small, ginger death cultist whined merrily. ¡°The only caveats are actual demons, ghosts and spirits; they cannot pass, even if they are haunting or possessing a person. Only a psychopomp can allow ghosts to cross the veil and generally, in one direction only, toward the Devourer of Souls.¡± ¡°Oh, nicely ominous¡­¡± Ward agreed as he stepped out of the shadows. ¡°That is, I think, a part of our problem here. The world beyond this portal has humans¡­ and others living and dying, for so many generations. All without a proper death god, to allow those souls exit into the wider ether and back into the eternal cycle. Souls enter, in the usual moist and squishy mortal way, but cannot escape.¡± He smiled at them, dazzling poor Lindsey who was caught quite flat footed. ¡°They are building up and pressuring the veil enlarging these openings¡­ Well, who is this?¡± His regard fell on the girl, sending her to the floor in a dead faint. ¡°You gotta warn me when there¡¯s normies in the house, kids¡­¡± # Lindsey woke with her head on Amy¡¯s lap, while Maya rubbed her feet, the three of them stretched out on a sofa by the fireplace. ¡°That was uncle Ward¡­ You¡¯ll get used to him, just relax. I was hoping you¡¯d meet some dryads and maybe Axio before him, but oh well.¡± ¡°He¡¯s not¡­ not mortal.¡± She gasped softly. ¡°Nope, he¡¯s the god of Death and Vengeance.¡± Amy answered gently. ¡°He¡¯s pretty cool. Just think of him as my dad¡¯s sane twin brother.¡± ¡°Hey! Golden Figs too, Amy!¡± The tall man who looked like a handsome, charming, witty and suave Gary Ward called from the kitchen. ¡°Yes, uncle.¡± She sighed at the strange man. ¡°He¡¯s the eternal dryad of the Golden Fig as well.¡± ¡°I thought all dryads were female¡­¡± Lindsey whispered. ¡°He¡¯s the only boy¡­and the lady dryads all think the sun rises and sets on his¡­¡± She stopped herself and shuddered. ¡°He¡¯s super smug about it, don¡¯t ask.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ do you mean¡­?¡± Lindsey began, only to be violently shushed by Becky, Maya and Amy. ¡°What they mean is that I am a succulent feast, shared by the darling deciduous damsels, those comely conifers, all my perennial precious pretties¡­¡± He began a recitation that went on for a while. ¡°...who may be tall or small, slender or stout, broadleaf or narrow, are comely in my sight and blessed by the bountiful light of my love¡­¡± ¡°I tried to warn you¡­¡± Amy sighed. ¡°Come on, the pool is going to be full of lady bugs tonight and you don¡¯t wanna see that.¡± ¡°Ladybugs? Those pretty red shelled beetles?¡± Lindsey asked as she was dragged off to Amy¡¯s gingerbread cottage over by the pine forest edge. ¡°No, I mean ladies who are really the insect forms of the local dryad species. They always show up when he gets like this.¡± She whispered. ¡°Don¡¯t look out the windows at the pool tonight, it gets pretty¡­¡± ¡°That big weird guy is going to be having an orgy with a bunch of forest spirits in the bath, all night.¡± Maya interrupted. ¡°Watching them get after it is¡­ instructive, but I don¡¯t recommend it.¡± ¡°O-Orgy?¡± She stammered. ¡°None of them are actual, physical beings the way we are¡­¡± Becky interrupted Maya¡¯s interruption. ¡°But when they manifest in human form, they take on some of our attributes¡­ They are spiritual beings of life, growth and renewal.¡± ¡°Who wants first ride on my magic lap!?¡± Ward demanded joyously from the pool, as Becky¡¯s door closed behind them, cutting off a chorus of feminine approval. # Lucky Black Cat Ch:13 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Lucky Black Cat Ch:13 ¡°So we go in here, and come out on the other side of the mountain, where the king lives.¡± He asked again slowly, while eyeballing the dark rift in the mountain wall. A large stone stele marked the entrance, carved with scripts and glyphs that were unfamiliar to him. ¡°This is a ward of forbiddance¡­ a strong one too.¡± ¡°I has the key. Come come. The big stupid troll can¡¯t follow, even if he stole poor Juniella''s key.¡± She sighed. ¡°I hoped to clomp him and bring back his hide and bones¡­ Bringing a boy home better!¡± That brought a round of snuffling giggles from her pack. ¡°Tunnel is scary scary, just hold on and don¡¯t look.¡± She instructed him to bury his face in Nightshade¡¯s ruff, by shoving his face in and saying: ¡°Stay!¡± The next few minutes were jarring, disturbing and deeply unsettling, and he didn¡¯t even think about peeking; after getting a scant glimpse of a glowing, red nebula in the vast, eternal night sky all around them. It was looking back at him¡­ with fond recognition. Shaken pale and barely standing, Gandree looked out on¡­ the same ledge and valley they had just left. ¡°Only looks the same same. See, king papa¡¯s castle and the town.¡± She whispered in his ear. Below them in a heavily wooded valley stood a small rocky hill, with a red roofed, river stone house on its broad top. A palisade and town of thatch roofed log houses stood below the hill, encircling it entirely. She pointed to the south west, where a broad lake lay. ¡°There lies a land of men, we have a few dealings with them.¡± She pointed to a small town across the river on the banks of the lake. ¡°It¡¯s the same valley¡­ but different¡­¡± He stammered, looking at the familiar peaks all around. ¡°Yuppers. Is crazy, don¡¯t think about it. Doggies can always find the way home.¡± Daisybelle said gently as she passed him a waterskin. ¡°Drink¡­ surviving scary stuff is thirsty work.¡± A few minutes later they were riding down into the valley on a well maintained trail, rather than the desperate scramble up the overgrown mountainside that had led there. ¡°Your valley is full of goblin boys and monsters¡­ Dumb stonebrained beardos on the pass won¡¯t let anybody out. Nobody wants to go in.¡± Daisybelle assured him. ¡°You seem to know a lot about this¡­¡± He called over the running wargs¡¯ excited breaths and footfalls. ¡°I¡¯m Daisybelle¡­ Warg knight of the goblin king¡­¡± She insisted again, as sunset brought sparkling lights up in the two towns below them. # Count Hiram Kines looked out over his little lakeside domain and sighed, it had been over fourteen years since the goblin king had strolled through town, murdered the entire cult of the Light and strolled on, playing his troll bone flute. On the rare occasions the count had spoken to that mad, dangerous, strangely silly being, he had refused to speak of the matter; professing to have no memory of the act. Hiram remembered that day, a strange, ragged, cloaked man had walked into town playing a long bone flute, lifting sweet, unfamiliar music into the sky. He¡¯d sat on the curb by the fountain with a reed basket at his feet, swathed in dark, ragged clothes and played, hoping for alms. When the first templar knight arrived from the cathedral and tore away his cloak, the world had shifted on its axis. ¡°Away beggar! Begone from the sacred cathedral square!¡± He¡¯d shouted, and snatched the man¡¯s concealing hood away. ¡°Troll!¡± Someone screamed, as the ragged lips and fangs of a huge goblinoid emerged from the shredded rags of his cloak. Huge brown eyes behind lenses of smoked glass glared at the screaming, fleeing people with a deep sadness, rather than the ravenous hunger the beasts always displayed. ¡°I¡¯ds ok, I¡¯ll go¡­¡± The being said as it backed away from the enraged templar. When the knight drew his sword and attacked, it was hard to follow what happened next. Somehow the knight wound up face down in a rubbish bin beside the fountain; his sword on the roof of the temple and his conical helmet hammered firmly onto the rear side of his armored pants, creating a hilarious illusion of¡­ While the strange, mad creature was giggling and pointing at his clever jape, a squad of six men at arms and a cleric of the light emerged from the temple, crying out to the god for vengeance and blood. The thing stopped giggling and smiling when cleric lord Hassan Burdan appeared. He saw nothing but the priest lord, and flew at his throat as if flung from a bow, a wild ululating cry of rage on his ragged lips. Before the armsmen could react, The goblin terror had his sharp taloned fist plunged into the priest lord¡¯s belly, up into his ribcage. He ripped and tore, clawing at him as if to pull the man¡¯s heart out before he could fall down properly dead. What he pulled forth was a transparent orange slug, containing the decaying severed head of a human infant in its gelatinous core. The terrible green monster shredded the thing in its claws and spoke again. ¡°Demonspawn!¡± The creature shrilled into the sky, as it vanished into the forbidden cathedral of the god of Light. None dared approach or interfere, as the bloody handed thing stomped out of town, wearing a fine silk robe taken from the high priest¡¯s chambers. ¡°Burn that place, humans. I leave that part to you.¡± It called, in a voice that was strangely musical as it vanished into the forests. When the first few brave souls dared enter the cathedral, where only the priest lords were allowed to go; they emerged, alive, but pale, wan and horrified. The town elders investigated; and also emerged deeply affected by what they saw. By unanimous decree they had the doors sealed shut and the building burned. Skyrockets of flaming lights and beautiful, whistling balls of harmless fire scattered across the sky as the volatile liquors and desecrated human remains burned through the night and into the morning. No more demands for the surrender of one in ten children of the town came from the cathedral ruins. No more pregnant women dragged screaming from their homes, never to reappear, or young men vanished in the night. The ruins lingered as a stark reminder of what men can learn to accept, if the collar is tightened around their necks slowly enough. # The goblin king avoided the human town, save at great need; but his wives and daughters didn¡¯t. It started with secretive dealings on the outskirts of town; laundry stolen off the line, a henhouse carefully robbed and valuable goods left behind in payment. They traded in hides, meat, berries, herbs, mushrooms and simple medicines, products of the forest mostly¡­ And in gold and silver nuggets, small jewels and gems, even musical handicrafts of startling intricacy and beauty. They wanted cloth, thread, needles and dyes, and were formidable enough as traders and fighters to look after their own interests. Goblin crafted drums and flutes were gaining renown in the larger region as the profitable trade blossomed. The law prohibited trading with ¡®goblin men¡¯... but these were goblin women and profit was profit. # A few miles from the palisade and the goblin king¡¯s castle, a slender, lean goblin girl in a uniform like Daisibelle¡¯s stepped from the bushes and saluted. She had morning glory vines embroidered around her cuffs and a wide smile for the warg riding girl. ¡°King papa snoops on trouble in human town. All knights should snoop on the humans and watch over king papa¡­ what¡¯s this¡­?¡± She peered into the huge black wolfhound¡¯s ruff at the dwarf lad clinging there. ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Gandree Ward, Daisibelle¡¯s friend¡­¡± ¡°He smells like king papa¡­¡± The as yet unnamed girl whispered too loudly to Daisybelle. ¡°He plays flute, too¡­ and the shitter digger!¡± She whispered back excitedly. ¡°Really, it¡¯s a ukulele I made from an old shovel¡­¡± He protested weakly. ¡°Oh¡­ Yes, Gandree Ward is a shy pooper!¡± She agreed firmly. ¡°Come, we snoop on humans and we meet king papa.¡± # The portly, golden robed priest shone bright and furious in the sun before the ruins of the temple and fumed. ¡°I¡¯ve come all this way, to this benighted backwater for templar knights and a few hundred conscripts¡­ only to find¡­ this!¡± He shouted from behind his squad of six knights. ¡°We¡¯ve given too light a yoke to you cattle¡­ A problem I shall correct now!¡± He shouted out, before pointing at a coyote man in the crowd. ¡°All non humans and beast kin in this domain are now the exclusive property of the church of the Light, blessed radiance be upon the faithful. Submit for collaring and training immediately!¡± This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. The lanky beast man slipped back into the rapidly growing crowd and vanished, as the humans pressed closer to see what was going on. ¡°Where is the administrator of this town, priest lord Hassan Burdan?¡± ¡°He was slain a little over ten years ago, along with all his acolytes¡­ it was a goblin raid.¡± Count Kines said coldly. ¡°I am the lord of this county¡­ and will not be submitting anyone to anything.¡± ¡°Goblin raid indeed! Heresy! Rebellion! I¡¯ll have the hearts cut out of a hundred of you to re-consecrate this temple and blind a hundred more!¡± He screamed at the man in light leather armor bearing a spreading oak painted on the breast. ¡°I am Hiram Kines, forestlord of this valley¡­¡± He said very slowly. As two dozen men in similar armor appeared among the crowd of unfriendly faces. ¡°Show me why I should submit to your rule¡­ or take your men and go.¡± He leaned on his spear in a very balanced and relaxed way that said a lot, without any words. ¡°The holy empire of the Light demands your subservience!¡± The radiant god will not suffer disobedience under the Light! The priest lord shouted, raising his hands aloft and calling forth a miracle between his palms. He finished his incantation and on the last syllable, hurled a blazing ball of coruscating fire the size of a peach at the smiling lord. A figure swathed in a dark robe slipped from the crowd, wielding a primitive, stone tipped spear, decorated with strands of shell beads and bone ornaments that clattered and rattled around the point of gleaming obsidian. He reached out, faster than a striking serpent and caught the ball of flame on the tip of his spear, impossibly capturing that additional impossibility on his weapon. ¡°Bad fake human, playing with fire in a wooden town.¡± The goblin king, Ghnash¡¯Wharrgh scolded and chittered. ¡°Arson and attempted murder¡­ crimes need justice¡­¡± The horrid little beast stalked in a half circle, back and forth before the nervous templars and their raging lord. The crowd pulled back, fleeing for the edges of the former cathedral square in a rather orderly panic. Even the count and his guards retreated, as three small, green girls in fitted jackets and pants, resplendent with bone epaulets and colorful beads and braid, stepped out of the crowded market where they had been invisible in the press of large folk. Each wore a tall shako cap and bore a stone headed club in one hand and a wooden oar shield studded and rimmed with shards of shaped obsidian glass. ¡°This is a goblin raid.¡± The count called out calmly. ¡°He made me promise that he could have any of your demon cult filth that might come calling.¡± While the human count¡¯s words were still echoing through the silent square, another goblin and three Wargs stampeded onto the scene, and a very confused dwarf lad, who fell from his mount with a soft thud when Nightshade skidded to a stop on the broad, paved square. ¡°Uh oh¡­ Daisybelle is here¡­ too late for talking.¡± The human lord called out when the tiny uniformed girl landed beside the other three, similarly armed; in an obviously planned and rehearsed super heroine landing. ¡°Knights are human¡­¡± The tall, muscular goblin man said softly to the four diminutive green maidens around him. ¡°Demon is mine.¡± He reached out and snuffed the glimmering, radiant flame still imprisoned on his spearhead with one green taloned hand. Six templar knights faced off against five diminutive, green forest goblins; even the largest would barely qualify as a small man¡­ While the four girls were little more than child sized, with chubby cheeks and wide, white smiles on their faces. Six gleaming mailed men and six long, steel spears addressed the gobbs, while the priest lord began another spell. Infernal and eternal, from the depths of the endless flames, I call for the power to scorch the¡­ Four feet of seasoned blackthorn, with a few thorns still present flashed by the templars, as the spear¡¯s stone head buried itself in the cleric¡¯s guts, folding him in half around a gout of dark, strangely thick blood. ¡°Slay them, slay them all!¡± He shrieked, once his mouth was empty of viscous black fluids. Mabeline was already in motion, slipping past the first knight¡¯s spear with liquid grace. Her shield struck sparks when she bashed another reaching weapon aside, even as her short, jade headed mace was smashing the shin of the towering warrior in front of her. The man screamed as his armored greave folded and his leg snapped with a satisfying crunch. His right arm found the return stroke of that little mace, with the same result, snapping bone and bent armor. Down the line, Barbara-Ann kneecapped her foe, followed up with a strike to the groin that king papa was totally going to scold her for later¡­ But the way he leered at her buxom sister Daisybelle, demanded a response in kind. His howl of agony was almost musical. Roxanne finished two with quick, economical strikes of her mace, knocking the two templars¡¯ ankle bones one after another. The two knights still standing backed toward their lord, who was too busy wrenching the jagged, thorned spear from his guts to mind the rest of the battle. Daisybelle¡¯s stone mace found itself embedded in the steel abdomen of a tall, angry knight, who suddenly found himself folded in half around a bent breastplate, with his helmet full of his own vomit. Her shield lashed out, bashing a sword strike aside, even as her first opponent was falling¡­ and taking her mace with him to the ground, stuck in his folded armor. The last knight was fast and skilled¡­ far taller, stronger and more massive than the tiny goblin. Her sisters were busy dealing with the stubborn men who clawed swords and daggers out to continue the fight, even maimed and broken as they were. ¡°Sorry, papa¡­ Might have to kill this one¡­¡± She called to the goblin king, who was stalking his own foe. She drew a short obsidian knife from her belt and faced her enemy and his yard-long blade of gleaming steel. Once more her obsidian and ironwood oar shield turned his sword, even though she was so tiny. She blocked and parried his strikes, slowly working her way closer to slash at his legs, and the straps that secured his armor. He smiled at her simple, if clever tactic, useless now that he¡¯d already seen her tricks. Steadily, he turned her back; pushing her into a rhythm he controlled¡­ She parried his sword with her short stone knife, pushing his thrust for her bowels out of line. With feline grace, she stepped inside his guard and brought her obsidian edged shield crashing up into his armored groin. She stepped back in a spray of blood, wiping her eyes clear with a swift motion and dodging his last sword strike by a scant few inches. ¡°My salvation under the light is assured, foul monster¡­¡± He gasped, as he sank to the flagstones. ¡°Wasteful, dead knight; wasteful and a pity.¡± She sighed to the dying man, who spat unintelligible curses at her as the light faded from his eyes. The five surviving knights were moaning piteously but the blood drenched, furious priest lord was still hurling bolts of fire and flashing arcane arrows at the goblin king. He stalked the man, swiping at him with a slender wand of willow decorated with dangling feathers and bones. The diminutive green being caught each one, every time and flicked it away to burst in the sky harmlessly. ¡°Not even a skilled wizard¡­¡± The king sang softly, in a voice that carried everywhere. ¡°My daughter killed a man¡­ who died for filth like you! Disgraceful!¡± ¡°Help me! It is your duty! I command you under the Light!¡± the priest lord screamed through black, blood stained lips at the citizens and the lord of the town, silently watching from the edges of the square. That demand brought far, far less aid to his side than he had hoped. ¡°So be it!¡± He spat, as he flung a fistful of small steel darts at the goblin pursuing him across the ruins of the cathedral of Light¡¯s Grace. The goblin waved his cloak of tattered leather rags, engulfing the poisoned needles in the folds of his garment with a sneer. ¡°Not a good ninja, either¡­¡± Ghnash barked angrily, as the man used the momentary distraction to flee farther among the ruins. The priest¡¯s voice came rising up from the blackened stone walls and tumbled blocks: Izqic¡¯intok, the clawed hunger, fleshrending shadow, By the shimmering void between dimensions I call for aid, bring forth your fangs and talons to feed on this mortal¡­ ¡°Hide, humans, he calls a demon of hunger to slay all.¡± Daisybelle shouted, as her three sisters dragooned idle, watching men into hauling their crippled foes away. Poor Gandree watched in shock and horror, as the tiny, adorable, blood drenched girl cut the head from her slain knight with that jagged obsidian blade. ¡°Demon needs corpse to inhabit. No head, no brain to hide in.¡± She mumbled in embarrassment, when she rejoined him by the smithy, where he was still standing with his mouth gaping open. The severed head in her hand still had its visor down¡­ but the young dwarf lad was having trouble keeping it together anyway. When she clapped her blood spattered non severed head hand onto his shoulder with a friendly grin it was almost too much. With a soft sigh, the lad collapsed in a dead faint. # ¡­bring bloody wrath and destruction, I grant free reign, unfettered bloodshed! The souls I consecrate are the bridge, this mortal flesh is my bond¡­. The priest had climbed atop a heap of ruined masonry to call for some kind of aid, his arms held up to the sky, the black, clotted blood and a few ropey strands of his entrails staining his once grand robes. With a rending, wet shriek, a huge, boiling shadow erupted from the chanting cultist¡¯s feet, giving a hideous feline scream, as the priest lord¡¯s body ruptured into bloody rags in its many claws. Clots of decayed, reanimated, possessed corpse rained down on the ruins, as the demon shook itself free of the clinging remnants of its summoner and started looking for fresh meat¡­ # Gandree woke in the back of the smith¡¯s shop, laid out on a pile of wargs and watched over by a serpent man smith, who was very nervous about the giant wolfhounds in his shop. He seemed almost as nervous about the shrieking, shadowy thing chasing the goblin king across the ruined cathedral, crying out for flesh in the voice of a puma being strangled with a rattlesnake who also had complaints about what was going on. ¡°Come out, slinking mortal witch! Come out and feed me your essence and meat!¡± It wailed in a voice that seemed to whisper and hiss from every shadow. Music answered; sweet, melodious and high. It had the warm, soft sound of a bone flute, played with skill and delicate expression. The sound evoked the budding of fresh leaves in the first flush of spring and the warmth of the breezes that carry winter away. ¡°King papa is going to eat that whole thing¡­¡± Daisybelle sighed from her seat on the smith¡¯s counter. ¡°Big tummy ache coming.¡± ¡°Oh gods¡­ not again¡­¡± The serpent smith muttered, wringing his red scaled hands together nervously. ¡°Does this kind of thing happen often, master smith?¡± Gandree asked, as he rose to his feet; shaky, but whole. ¡°Three times since the burning of the cathedral¡­¡± The reptile man muttered. ¡°It¡¯s always¡­ upsetting.¡± ¡°Bah, shadow demon¡­ With no body to hide its essence, this won¡¯t even be fair.¡± Daisybelle muttered crossly. ¡°Watch, It begins.¡± The darkening sky seemed to become subtly more gloomy as the sweet, warm music turned cold and sharp. It demanded attention, insistently tugging at the listener¡¯s mind. The goblin king stood among the ruins, atop a fallen pillar playing his flute into the evening. sky as a shadowy, faintly feline shape lurked just out of the light, waiting for darkness to fall. In the gathering gloom, Gandree saw Daisybelle¡¯s shadow slowly squirm and move, stretching out to the flautist among the ruins, unnaturally. With a jarring shock, he noticed that his own, the wargs¡¯ and the smith¡¯s were moving as well. ¡°Shadow demon against goblin king,¡± Daisybelle sighed softly. ¡°It¡¯s already over.¡± The sun slipped down beyond the mountains, bringing darkness down quickly and bringing the amorphous, shadow cat into the open with a wicked chittering laugh. It leapt at the green musician with glee in its several golden eyes. The thing had a confusing number of legs, tails and jaws, and way too many claws to exist in any sane reality, as it hurtled across the ruins in a liquid rush of dark hunger. Its reaching claws were met by the black, shadowy talons of a legion of ghosts, slipping from the charred stones of the fallen cathedral. They pressed in all around, in an almost invisible tide of half seen faces and reaching, desperate hands, tearing at and enveloping the creature as its roars of rage and hunger became cries of fear and dread. It ended swiftly and noisily after a few seconds of wailing and screaming. The final, echoing wail seemed to carry on and on, until it became a slow, sweet melody rising from the goblin king¡¯s flute as he began to play again from that dreadful note. He spun the song out in wordless melody to a slow, sweet ending. The humanoid shades slowly sank down into the stones, to await¡­ something, soothed by the flute¡¯s song. ¡°Was that necromancy?¡± Gandree stammered softly. ¡°No, shadow magic. The dead can hear his song and decide for themselves what to do, he just gives their shadows substance and weight.¡± She whispered back. ¡°So those shades could have turned on him as well?¡± The dwarf lad asked, thinking back on his shadowy, dancing spirits. ¡°The angry, imprisoned dead hold grudges¡­¡± A man¡¯s voice said from the doorway. His speech was musical and slightly faltering, as if he¡¯d bitten his lip very badly. ¡°They have none against me.¡± The goblin king stood the same height as Gandree, though he was thin and lean, in contrast to the much younger man¡¯s bulk and muscles. A shock of wildly unruly black hair and huge brown eyes competed for attention with the long, jagged and slightly bloody fangs that filled his ragged mouth. ¡°Daisybelle¡­I¡¯m sorry you had to do that. We¡¯ll talk at home.¡± He said gently to the warg rider. ¡°Bring your new friend.¡± He stepped out of the smithy doorway, without ever having entered and leapt onto a huge, dusty brown warg, before vanishing from the square on fast flying paws. ¡°I really didn¡¯t wanna kill that man¡­¡± She murmured just for Gandree¡¯s ears as they rode toward the king¡¯s castle, a few minutes later. ¡°He was too skilled to just beat up, without my magic womp.¡± # It Is It Is, A Glorious Thing Ch: 14 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance It Is It Is, A Glorious Thing Ch: 14 The wargs and Daisybelle carried the overwhelmed and confounded young dwarf through the forest, across a river on a bridge formed of living willow trees, to the solitary hill and the palisade town surrounding it. They passed the gates with barely a nod from the four green girls watching the entrance. The massive, dusty brown beast of the goblin king loped along ahead of them a short way, with the three new warrior girls trailing after on their own enormous wolfhounds. The town was just waking for the night, as nocturnal beings stretched, yawned and began to greet the ¡®day¡¯ There were far more than just goblins in the town at the foot of the hill; Batfolk roost trees grew in scattered open spaces around the town. They were tall oaks made obvious by their cultivated, wide spaced branches and the small bowers and woven huts dangling from the limbs. There were serpent and rodent folk burrows, other arboreal dwellings and a number of water folk homes on the outskirts, with even more varied kith and kin moving about in the waking town. Day walking folk were just closing shop, or trading shifts with their nocturnal co-workers as the cat kin and opossum folk took over for dog kin and reptile people. Mostly it was goblins, a cheerful smiling swarm of them, pouring out of their communal dwellings to greet the night. There were a few scattered humans moving about as well, towering over the usually much shorter otherkin. Gandree drank it all in as they walked through the streets with the wargs, behind the goblin king and Daisybell, who were greeted by the populace with loud cheers and cries of welcome. Everyone seemed excited to greet Diasybelle and her pack; they all surged around the tiny warrior girl, her sisters to a lesser extent and even the wargs, with great delight and obvious joy¡­ Though, Gandree noticed, only the goblin girls were as enthusiastic for their king, who seemed to be a figure of awe and some fear, to most of the non goblins. The furred, scaled and otherwise non gobbs kept a careful and very obvious distance from him and his pool of smiling, giggling, chattering goblins; maintaining a wide band of open space all around the king and his adoring subjects. The few humans seemed to ignore the subtle aura of ¡®other¡¯ and ¡®alien¡¯ that drove away the beastfolk, just as they kept a similar distance from Gandree himself. That sudden revelation shook the already shaken dwarf more than a little. That jarred with a subtle sense of familiarity, almost¡­ kinship he felt for the odd, strangely serene goblin man surrounded by his diminutive admirers. The young dwarf felt a little nauseous and lightheaded, clutching nightshade¡¯s harness to stay upright. The smiling, beautiful green girl swooped back down on him from her own crowd of admirers, taking his hand and hauling him up onto Nightshade with surprising strength. ¡°Come, Gandree boy. Papa will be kinging for a while. We go to the castle and get you foods and rest¡­ you look like a stepped on dog shit.¡± Daisybelle whispered, as she swept him up and carried him away in a cloud of fur. # The goblin king¡¯s castle was a weirdly familiar and surreal place¡­ it was the stately home he¡¯d been dreaming of since he was a tiny foundling, save that it was built of hewn beams and rough sawn lumber, unworked river stones and well fitted bamboo frames of stretched rawhide, scraped thin enough to let in light, rather than glazed windows. It was primitive, simple and¡­ perfect. He stopped at the entrance, where Daisybelle insisted he remove his boots and put on a pair of silly, fluffy slippers that looked like he¡¯d shoved his feet up a sheep¡¯s butt. ¡°See? Much like Gandree boy¡¯s castle¡­ though less stoney, more homey.¡± Dasiybelle giggled and kissed him on his open, wondering mouth. When her tongue flicked into his mouth and teased his own, he nearly fell down in surprise. ¡°Oh, That was fun!¡± She giggled. ¡°Kissing Gandree boy is super fun!¡± She chirped as he was dragged into the depths of the castle. In a deeply confusing sequence of events he found himself floating alone in a beautiful garden bath; a swirling hotspring like his own, but so much larger and deeper. He marveled at the flourishing flowers and bamboo all around and the steamy, comfortable seclusion at last. He began picking apart the last few confusing, hectic days in his mind, with his eyes closed as he floated aimlessly. In his whole life, up to the last week, he¡¯d met exactly one hundred and twelve people; all dwarves and all quite aware that he was a clanless foundling, and as such, was of no worth. The reptile man smith he¡¯d ¡®met¡¯ while hiding in his forge had shown only keen interest in the young dwarf and deep respect for Daisybelle and the goblin king¡­ That had been a very novel experience, like being kissed by a girl, who¡¯d done it twice! With tongue! He submerged for a moment to clear his head of that distraction. When he popped to the surface and cleared his eyes, the goblin king was just slipping into the bath, right beside the young dwarf lad, who found himself eye to eye with¡­ the scepter of the goblin king. There had been way too many dicks in his life lately; but the poor lad was no longer in the dwarfhold¡­ Maybe greeting people dong forward was the fashion¡­ The lad¡¯s musings and confused ruminations on cock culture dropped off a cliff and fell away when the king spoke. ¡°Oh, sorry¡­¡± The creature mumbled, drawing fresh, red blood from his lip with his fangs. The king flushed a rich coppery hue under his green skin, looking like a weathered bronze statue of some ancient goblin lord of legend. ¡°I didn¡¯t check to see if anyone was¡­ who are you?¡± ¡°He¡¯s Gandree, dwarf boy, thief and musician¡­ He has a castle up his butt and is a shy pooper!¡± Daisybelle offered as she slipped into the bath with them. ¡°Ooh! He talks funny and is a beast talker too. I kissed him, he¡¯s mine!¡± ¡°Slow down Daze¡­¡± The king murmured gently, petting his excited daughter¡¯s head with his taloned hand. ¡°Dwarf? No, no dwarf at all¡­¡± He murmured eagerly, as he leaned closer over the lad. Gandree tried to back away a little, and was immediately tangled up in the slippery, warm, very naked form of Daisybelle, who wrapped herself around him and hugged close in some very intimate ways. ¡°I told you¡­ He¡¯s mine.¡± She insisted. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, baby¡­ I won¡¯t take him away.¡± The king soothed his daughter gently, speaking slowly and clearly. ¡°Remember, we can have feelings, but we need to express them in ways that are appropriate for the situation.¡± He sighed and shook his head. ¡°I¡¯m not going to beat him up or try to make babies with him.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She asked nervously. ¡°Cause I¡¯m pretty sure he wouldn¡¯t like that! Neither one!¡± She gave her father one more glare, before releasing the shattered boy. ¡°Member, he¡¯s mine.¡± ¡°Yes dear¡­¡± The king sighed with a long suffering note in his voice. A moment later those oddly huge eyes turned on the struggling, mostly submerged dwarf. His claw reached out and grasped his shoulder gently, as the king slowly eased Gandree onto a submerged boulder that formed a surprisingly comfy seat, under the hot swirling water. ¡°Don¡¯t worry¡­ you¡¯re safe in our home, as her guest and mine, brother.¡± His ragged and awful smile cut his lips in a few places, but was genuine and warm, nonetheless. ¡°Brother?¡± Gandree stammered, as a warm, affirmative sensation exploded inside him at the goblin man¡¯s touch. ¡°I don¡¯t have¡­¡± ¡°Never mind that, you¡¯re home now. I¡¯ve met a few of us, from the other side of the void¡­ We can¡¯t cross into a world where one of us is already. Never mind that.¡± The strange being stopped and wiped the blood from his mouth and smiled sadly and carefully. ¡°I get excited¡­ it¡¯s goblin nature.¡± He did a slow breathing exercise that seemed to be a long practiced art, before he tried to speak again. ¡°You, my new friend, are not really a dwarf; in the same way that I am not really a goblin. We are, in fact, two people who fell to this world from another.¡± He delivered another of those careful smiles, while Daisybell sulked nearby and listened attentively. ¡°I arrived as a fully grown goblin male, because of the short lifespans and extreme growth rate of the typical goblin man.¡± He sighed and held up his hands, asking for silence. ¡°Because of that, I remember a good bit of my life, our life on those other worlds. Not a lot¡­ but enough to piece together some things¡­¡± The king told a strange tale in loose rhyme and constant digressions, dragging the poor boy into deeper and deeper metaphysical waters. ¡°...Souls are eternal, and infinite, there are also an infinite number of mortal souls, circulating in the universal¡­ everything. Mortal souls are like the blood in a body so impossibly vast, that it is everything, everywhere and everywhen. They are, we are the source of all energy and activity in the universe, the blood in everything¡¯s veins, as we live, die and reincarnate anew.¡± ¡°Uh¡­ Wow?¡± Gandree answered, when the king paused and looked at him expectantly. ¡°Brother, you can¡¯t hide it, not from me. I see your shadow.¡± The king said with a sigh. ¡°You saw what I did, and you felt it moving in your own gifts; because they are my gifts as well¡­ that¡¯s why we¡¯re so ominous and disturbing to the beast kin and most other sentients.¡± ¡°Is that why the other dwarves were so¡­¡± Gandree halted, when he got a case of the feels and choked up a little. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I¡¯d like to say yes. But really, that whole clan sucks. Dwarves and humans don¡¯t generally notice anything odd about any of us, until they step on our shadows or touch us.¡± He answered gently, as Daisibelle hugged back up on the poor boy. ¡°We¡¯re strangers in a strange land and there are no gods here to help us control what we do, simply by existing.¡± ¡°Nuh-uh!¡± Dasiybelle insisted from her perch. The girl was clinging to his back, with her bubbly and nubbly front pressed against him and her chin on his shoulder. ¡°Gandree has a goddess in his pocket and a few gods in his dreams! I saw them!¡± She grinned her bright smile at her papa. ¡°Kissed a couple of them too!¡± ¡°Waghht?¡± He stammered, ejecting a small spray of blood from his mouth. ¡°Who? How, where?¡± ¡°Goddess SmileyFace kissed me back under a rock, when I first kissed the boy¡­¡± She mumbled, suddenly shy and embarrassed. ¡°SmartyPants god was hiding in his bath¡­ when we bathed together first!¡± She gave a wiggle and giggle that did all sorts of things behind the poor boy, while he was confronting her father in the bath. ¡°Uh, it wasn¡¯t like that, your majesty¡­¡± Gandree explained, while Daisybell wriggled under his arm and curled up in his lap. ¡°Today was not the first time my sweet Daisybelle has killed a thinking being, young man.¡± The king said very slowly and carefully. ¡°She is her own person, as well as my beloved daughter. Whatever is between you is between you¡­¡± He stopped suddenly and glared at the grinning, gleefully wriggling girl whose perky, bare bottom was nestled in the ashen faced, dwarf lad¡¯s lap. ¡°Daisybelle¡­ stop torturing the poor boy. He¡¯s new to the wider worlds, I think.¡± ¡°Nuh-uh.¡± She answered smugly. ¡°Mine.¡± ¡°You¡¯re on your own boy.¡± The king sighed as he climbed out of the bath and pulled a robe from his shadow. ¡°I¡¯m out, good luck.¡± The strange being vanished, leaving way too many unanswered questions and a very huggable and wriggly goblin lass who seemed determined to distract him from those imponderable ponderings. She squirmed closer, somehow, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing her very soft and pert front against his muscular torso. She nibbled on his ear with those sharp little teeth and bit his shoulder gently, as she pressed her curves against him. ¡°King papa agrees¡­ you are mine.¡± She whispered, when she released his shoulder from her teeth, leaving a few drops of blood on his skin. ¡°Daisybelle¡­¡± He managed to stammer with a barely functioning mouth and brain. ¡°I¡¯ve never¡­ Um¡­ I¡¯m not¡­ Ready?¡± He squeaked that last word when she stood up on his lap, bringing her bouncy boobs and flat green tummy even with his face. ¡°Hmm, maybe you¡¯ve never¡­¡± She murmured happily, still standing on his lap, not quite waist deep in the green tinted water, her wide hips just breaking the surface. A sneaky thatch of sparse green hair appeared among the rippling waves when she shifted her balance. ¡°Yes, you¡¯ve never¡­ I taste that on your lips. But not ready?¡± She leaned forward, pressing her voluptuous body onto him. ¡°This thing I¡¯m standing on says you are ready ready¡­ Gandree boy.¡± She cooed, as her breasts engulfed his face in a smothering hug that almost slew him outright with pleasure and embarrassment. # ¡°Goblin girls know the value of consent¡­ Gandree boy.¡± She murmured a few minutes later, as they floated chastely, hand in hand among the water plants, hidden in the steam. ¡°To be fair¡­ I¡¯ve only kissed a boy or two¡­¡± She sighed. ¡°A cute kitty man who was stuck in a tree by a wandering growlybear and a shy human boy, who I frightened nearly to death, when I stumbled on him, spanking himself alone in the woods one day.¡± She giggled at those memories and pulled him closer so they bumped shoulders and hips, their eyes closed in peaceful relaxation. ¡°He blushed so hard he fell asleep right there, with his hand all sticky.¡± After a long, too short, silent soak, Gandree spoke up. ¡°Should we vacate the bath, I don¡¯t want to occupy¡­¡± ¡°Shush, boy. This is family bath. Only the king and princesses bathe here¡­ and special friends. King papa is in the big pool¡­¡± She sat up and pulled him up with her. Finding a cozy seat for two on the edge. ¡°King papa is busy with all the town girls who didn¡¯t cast their tummy-time charms, this season.¡± ¡°Tummy-time charms?¡± He asked cluelessly. ¡°Four times in the turning of the year, all goblin girls must cast the charms, or find a witch to cast them. Elswise, tummy time comes and we must find a goblin man¡­ The town girls who choose, come to king papa and get good stuffin, ¡®til they are babyful.¡± She smiled winningly. ¡°Daisybelle is among the first daughters, among the strongest too!¡± She said with a grin that made him wonder what kissing her would feel like. ¡°Princesses can¡¯t stay in town if we get tummy-time, not with king papa around. Princesses have to find goblin boys to get babyful¡­¡± She shook her head sadly. ¡°No thanks. Goblin boys, violent, stupid and wicked.¡± ¡°So there aren¡¯t any other goblin boys in town?¡± He asked quietly. ¡°No no! Forbidden. Beasty men, human men¡­ now dwarf¡­ no gobb men allowed, they must fight king papa if they come. Always lose, sometimes die, they never get any booty.¡± She giggled and squirmed into his lap again. ¡°So there aren¡¯t any goblin princes?¡± He asked nervously, while she got comfy in his arms. ¡°King papa hardly gets girls babyful¡­ though he likes trying. When he does, only princesses, never any goblin boys from king papa.¡± She wriggled into an almost perfect spot and thought for a moment. ¡°He says it¡¯s evolutionary interference and gets big mad at the Light preachers. Those guys suck.¡± She shifted around just a little more in ways that made the dwarf boy both more, and less comfortable by the moment. Without warning she reached down under the water, grabbed him and shoved the very rigid appendage behind her shapely knee. She followed that with a friendly and welcoming pat on the fine fellow, as if to praise a disobedient pet that finally learnt the trick, and a kiss on his lips that tasted of sweet summer berries and warm pine needles. ¡°No poking, til we both are agreed.¡± She whispered in his ear, followed by a nibble on the tender lobe. # Ghnash floated among his sweet, exhausted ladies and sighed. In the twenty years he¡¯d been walking the world, he¡¯d only had a dozen daughters; despite so many joyful and vigorous attempts with so many wiggly, giggly, enthusiastic ladies. ¡°It¡¯s good to be the king¡­¡± He sighed sleepily. He was happy, and deeply sad that none of the children of his seed had yet gone off to get babyful in the wilds¡­ from some skeezy, murderous wretch. A few had forged lasting pair bonds with men of other kith, and one who was deeply bonded with one of the very few goblin girls who lived under his castle, but never did come up the hill seeking his royal seed. The king did long for a grandchild¡­ or a son¡­ If he didn¡¯t turn out to be a murderous little idiot with more balls than brains and no understanding of restraint or morals. He¡¯d tried educating and training baby male gobbs from the litters of girls that arrived babyful, with uniformly dismal results. The girls were sharp, social and generally clever and friendly, when allowed to live in peace. They learned the charms that staved off their mating seasons and lived as civilized and intelligent beings. The men of the goblin race were hopeless and despicable to a degree that had sent him searching for the answers to the mystery. He¡¯d found it, with the help of a near neighbor, the curse hidden in the goblin¡¯s very blood and bones. Someone had used blood magic, wicked sorceries and unclean arts to reduce the goblins to this state; tainting the male reproductive system with chaos and madness from outside their world. He was untouched by those curses, but the wild goblin girls bore the traces of them. Only his daughters were free of the spells and workings of demon witchcraft and spiritual vandalism that made the males of the species so intolerably awful and deeply unwelcome in polite company. His clever, beautiful, sweet girls were even less willing to seek out goblin men than their mothers and aunties, and that left the race with little hope. ¡°Heavy are the balls that bear the crown¡­¡± He mumbled, as he slowly escaped the clinging hands that tried feebly to restrain him. Just as he turned a deaf ear to the few still conscious damsels and the warm moist, kissable lips that sighed for more of his attention, while being too worn out to actually press the issue. He had almost escaped the baths, when Sabrina, Mabeline¡¯s mother, grabbed him by the royal scepter with renewed vigor, as he passed by her apparently exhausted, floating form. Her full breasts and wide hips were stunning, even if her once flat and smooth, green tummy now bore the faint marks of bearing one of his beloved daughters. She remained among his most favored mates and was the only girl who actually wanted to and did move into the castle with him permanently. She even gave herself to him at his slightest sign of interest, or launched herself at him, on her own whims. Even when it wasn¡¯t her tummy time! More delightfully, she would often offer herself up in exciting, wickedly fun ways that wouldn¡¯t even have a chance of getting her babyful¡­ like now. ¡°Mmm, mmm. Gimme that, my husband. You¡¯ll not escape with a stiff babystick¡­ not when I¡¯m awake¡­¡± She growled possessively. ¡°I gotta share you¡­ but I get the most, and the last.¡± ¡°I dunno, love. You look pretty tired¡­ and sore.¡± He gently cupped his palm to her battered tenders and grinned as she winced just a little and bit his arm just enough to draw blood. ¡°Mmm, mmm¡­ Husband looks frowny and unhappy. Not getting away like that.¡± She repeated, smiling wide with her mouth open and her long pink tongue lolling out seductively, stained with a hint of his blood, twitching just a little as if to lure her prey into a trap. ¡°Gimme.¡± She growled softly. ¡°It truly is good to be your king, my dear.¡± He whispered joyously. # ¡°So it¡¯s possible that the person you met was at least partially a fragment of pops, walking around in new flesh, living his life.¡± Rio said calmly. ¡°The spirits and ghosts whisper that there are unquiet souls trapped where they don¡¯t belong¡­¡± ¡°That describes our dad, and the kind of trouble he¡¯s always drawn to.¡± Amy agreed eagerly. ¡°So, tell me about this green girl¡­ a female goblin?¡± It got pretty embarrassing from there, so Barry escaped out the back door, headed for a quiet, peaceful place. # Lindsey found Barry out in the stable behind Wilf¡¯s house, preparing a bed in Flash¡¯s stall. He looked a little embarrassed when she stepped around the corner in her pajamas and confronted him. ¡°That¡¯s my horse you¡¯re getting so cozy with.¡± She scolded him gently. ¡°Um¡­¡± He explained. ¡°Er¡­¡± He went on to illuminate. ¡°That little green girl sounded pretty sexy.¡± Lindsey murmured quietly in the dim, silent barn. ¡°Larry kept saying ¡®shortstack¡¯... He said it a lot. Your uncle drew a picture to explain what that meant¡­¡± She grinned, her eyes shining like a predator¡¯s in the shadows. ¡°Is that what boys like, short girls with tiny waists, thick thighs, wide bottoms and big, bouncy boobs?¡± ¡°Well¡­ you see¡­¡± Barry spluttered helplessly, as she cornered him in the stall, against the bulk of her helpful horsie friend. She leaned in and stole a kiss, before slipping out of the stall with a happy giggle of mischievous glee. She pulled a few stable blankets from the tack room and returned, just when Barry breathed a sigh of relief and lay down, leaning against Flash. Lindsey made herself cozy on the other side of her big, silly animal. She curled up against Barry, smushing him against Flash mercilessly. ¡°Noice, boss.¡± The horse whispered, with a wave of his ears and a twitch of his haunch. ¡°I thought we were friends, Flash.¡± Barry muttered piteously, while the girl of his dreams made herself comfortable in his arms, sheltering under his wide, boyish smile that almost glowed in the dark. # Becky, Amy and Maya watched their project from the balcony, as Lindsey slipped into the barn and never emerged. ¡°Do ya think?¡± Maya wondered aloud. ¡°Nah, no chance. He¡¯s too shy, she¡¯s too unsure, they¡¯re both all confused and caught up¡­¡± Amy said with certainty. ¡°Get another Contract in those two, and maybe. I¡¯m betting Joy or Thirp will show up in this mess soon.¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°I wanna get all this sorted out soon. I¡¯ve been needing to Contract with Thirp for a while now. I feel all itchy under my skin.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ I get it.¡± Becky sighed. ¡°Don¡¯t push those two, what they have is special and beautiful. It would be awful to damage it.¡± She didn¡¯t look right at Maya when she said that, but the implication was pretty strong anyway. ¡°Understood, high priestess¡­¡± Both girls intoned quietly. ¡°Now off to bed. Barry was kind enough to surrender his room to me and my silly husband.¡± Becky whispered with a wink. ¡°I plan to get some rest¡­ as well.¡± ¡°Eew, gross.¡± Both girls sang, in the time honored tradition, before collecting good night kisses from the high priestess. # Ward was sprawled out on the side of the pool, with Fig draped over him like a warm, soft blanket of delicious, sweet dryad. Her small, plump breasts rubbed against his side while his palm rested on the soft, wonderfully round bottom he so adored. ¡°I should plant a tree on that solitary hill there¡­ right on top.¡± He muttered quietly in her pink, perfect little ear, as he gazed down the slope. ¡°Perhaps¡­ I seldom act to foster saplings here or there, rarely do I even consider it.¡± She murmured happily. ¡°Humans plant my trees and cultivate them for me¡­ I have no wish to look out on lonely, empty hills.¡± She made her point more clearly, by wiggling her bottom against his palm and giggling. ¡°Company is so much more¡­ fulfilling.¡± ¡°Oh¡­?¡± Citron demanded tartly. The pale, slim, golden blonde girl wriggled into his arms on the other side, with a zesty little sigh. ¡°It¡¯s my turn, greedy Figgy!¡± There was a little acid in her tone, but she was as sweet as she was fragrant, once he scratched her smooth skin with his blunt fingernails and gave her a nibble. ¡°Our hardwood friend is evergreen, my tangy darling.¡± Ward whispered as he pulled both girls closer on the soft, grassy lawn. ¡°I think I can solve this rivalry¡­ I call this one, Napoleon¡¯s hat! You dear Citron, get the¡­¡± ¡°We can figure it out, darling.¡± Fig whispered, as she lowered herself onto the noisy end of the demigod with a smile of delight. ¡°So¡­ Will the other citrus sisters be riding this pony tonight? Or shall we enjoy him all to ourselves?¡± Fig asked, shooting a wicked glance at Orange, Lemon, Lime and Tangerine. ¡°I vote for fruit salad, Figgy¡­¡± Someone foolish called out, sounding strangely muffled. ¡°It¡¯s rude to talk with your mouth full¡­¡± She scolded the silly boy. # ¡°Darling Cowl¡­¡± Marduk scolded the tall, green robed figure who was gazing into the still waters, longingly. ¡°Your gaze will influence them in ways they will perhaps not appreciate, in the sober light of morning. Come, we will peek in on others, perhaps later, you can influence your new followers to create another graven image of your divine countenance.¡± The disappointment behind the smiling mask of ivory was potent and deeply upsetting. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, dear, but these mortals are unwilling to suffer divine influence¡­ Best we leave them to their own devices.¡± Marduk insisted, taking her hand and leading her away from the reflecting pool. # To Be A Goblin King Ch: 15 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance To Be A Goblin King Ch: 15 Barry woke up feeling good, really, really good. Like he could take on the world¡­ Once he had breakfast. He wriggled free of the lanky, clinging girl and her warm insistent cuddling with some regret, but he needed the jakes. It was still dark out and the houses were mostly dark, so he gently bundled Lindsey up in her blankets and carried her inside. He laid her on the sofa by Wilf¡¯s fireside and started working in the kitchen. # I¡¯m gonna make some cinnamon rolls, Buttery, flakey too damn tasty rolls Cinnamon, sugar, butter and salt, Flour and cream, brown sugar¡­ Barry stopped singing his nonsense song when he noticed Lindsey watching and smiling from her place by the fire. He had a rolling pin in his hands, flour on his nose and in his hair and the most divine smell wafting from the oven. ¡°Uh¡­¡± He stammered, in a way she was really beginning to enjoy. Causing Barry to step on his own tongue gave her quite a thrill. She yawned, stretched and let the top of her pajamas ride a little higher¡­ Since the bottoms were slung so low on her hips, he got an eyeful of golden tanned tummy and wink from her cute little belly button. Shai had suggested that one¡­ bless her. Barry nearly fell on his face when he briefly forgot where his feet were and what he was doing. He recovered after his stumble by getting tangled up in a chair and sitting down forcefully. He felt a fool, but it was all in the interest of letting his eyes linger on the languid, slender girl on the sofa, bathed in morning sunshine just as birdsong started greeting the day. # Ghnash yawned, stretched and looked up at the endless sky of limitless stars, with neat constellations of ribbons and bubbles floating transparently above and among the lights. He licked his lips and his tongue found sharp, even teeth and smooth skin. The confused goblin scratched his balls with blunt, human fingernails and stared down at his body. He was still green¡­ and packing, but the sharp, dangerous claws and snaggle teeth were simply gone. ¡°Weird¡­ but weirdly¡­ not weird¡­¡± He whispered, as he took in the meadow and standing stones and the wide endless forest of darkness, starlight, moonlight and sunlight, all at once. Ghnash stood on the edge of a wilderness of dark and shady trees, briars and underbrush, filled with the soft rustlings and bustling of a healthy forest¡¯s small life. He looked out on the endless, almost sunlit, almost dark meadow of flowers and soft breezes. Somehow it was everything, all the time¡­ even his natural gobbo fear of open places and wide plains was quiet under this sky. ¡°That is because that is what you should be¡­ save for the curse you were born under. That curse is a matter I plan to address immediately, if you allow it.¡± A gigantic, shining white jumping spider whispered from her perch on the trunk of a nearby oak. She hopped and bobbed on her many knees in excitement, when he approached her of his own will and out of simple curiosity. ¡°Oh, yes, excellent¡­ I am Thirp, goddess of Weavers, Spinners, Traps, Venoms and Secrets, including and especially, Sexy Underthings¡­ Would you care to partake of my mysteries, my new, dear old friend?¡± ¡°Goddess, Thirp¡­ I dreamed of you¡­ SpiderBoobs?¡± He whispered. ¡°Is that you, goddess SpiderBoobs?¡± He gasped and fell into her very complicated embrace. ¡°Yes dear, yes, I will be able to take that form once we have you put right¡­¡± She whispered as she combed his wild and messy hair with her chelicerae and fangs. ¡°I¡¯ll let you motorboat the sacred spider boobs, as my high priest in your world.¡± ¡°Ok¡­¡± He blubbered into her furry and abundant shoulders. ¡°What¡¯s a motorboat?¡± ¡°Oh, my poor dear, what have they done to you?¡± She asked softly as her fangs sank into his neck. ¡°That really should be worrying¡­¡± The king mumbled as he fell into warm and comfy mortal sleep. # Ghnash woke up feeling¡­ good¡­ Great! He yawned carefully and¡­ his lips remained un-torn. This was going to be a good day. He grabbed the coarse wallowbear bristle brush he scrubbed his fangs with, morning and night¡­ and found smooth, sharp, even teeth; like in his crazy SpiderBoob dream. He brought up his hands and saw smooth, rounded fingernails rather than claws on his green skinned digits. ¡°Crazy¡­¡± On instinct his hand found his flute, so familiar, but suddenly so strange, and also familiar¡­ like these were his real hands all along and he¡¯d somehow forgotten them. Like when you sit on your hand till it goes numb and have a wank¡­ The king¡¯s scepter twitched and shifted, as always, when his thoughts turned to¡­ well, most things, really. He brought his flute to his intact lips and gave it a go. Sweet and easy, the music sprang forth and sang in his blood, lifting high into the afternoon sky. A moment later, something twangy, metallic and bright joined in, playing a free form counterpoint to his improvisational air. ¡°Is that a Jugulele? Or a four string canjo?¡± He asked himself, in clear, un-slurred speech, without even biting his tongue! Ghnash looked himself all over, just to get the lay of the new land and found a small tattoo of a spider high on his inner thigh. Lady Thirp sat there, bright silver, white and golden, against his healthy verdigris skin, looking just a little smug. ¡°Okies, lady SpiderBoobs¡­ You¡¯ve got yourself a goblin king.¡± He smiled wide and free, as he went in search of the person playing those strings, somewhere in his garden. # Daisybelle was curled up in his arms when he woke in a willow bower in the garden, they¡¯d been strolling in the predawn hours and fallen asleep, talking under the tree as the sun rose¡­ Out of long habit, he¡¯d awakened at some point and found his way into the kitchen; barely aware that he was not in his strange, portable home, but someone else¡¯s home, which happened to be eerily similar. He brewed coffee and tea, made pastry crusts and stuffed them with both sweet and savory fillings, from the stores hidden in his shadow. All as if this were his own house after all. A number of curious goblin girls and a lone, older goblin woman came sniffing about, either up too early or awake too late, they only helped themselves to the pies and departed, without speaking to him at all or meeting his eyes. He began to feel a little of that familiar unwanted feeling, so he sat out on the far side of the garden wall, overlooking the town below to think, while most of the castle and town slept. As early afternoon shadows were just crawling across the valley floor, sweet, melodious and unstructured melody began pouring down from the high peaked house behind him. On a whim he pulled his trusty shovulele out of his shadow, gave it a quick tune and joined the improv sesh, without thinking, not even once. The second time he played music with another person, it was even better¡­ The unseen flautist was skilled and sensitive, a keen listener and ready to swing in any direction. He almost wondered for a moment if it was the king, playing that remarkable, long, bone flute, but the tone was too sweet and clear. That poor creature¡¯s lips would never be able to kiss such sweet sounds from the instrument. After a few, wonderful, soaring minutes, the song ended as Daisybelle came stomping up with a whole squadron of shapely green, gray and greenish gray girls in tow. Some were taller, long and lithe, others were muscular, curvaceous and perhaps even a little plump. Each was a smiling delight, peeking from behind their sister, in their varied and colorful, sexy uniforms. ¡°Sit down boy, and play your tuneful toilet tool for my sisters.¡± She ordered him imperiously, with a sneaky wink just for him. ¡°Let me introduce you! You met Roxanne and the others last night¡­¡± She began, while he struck up a tune he¡¯d picked up in the lightless caverns below dwarfhold, while Daisibelle carried on. ¡°... Rosanna, Layla, Lola, Maggie-Mae, Valerie¡­¡± Several were familiar from his shifty and odd breakfast misadventure, but now they met his eyes and smiled with welcome. He began to sing softly, strumming the tune and watching Daisybelle¡¯s face, while she introduced nearly a dozen cute, giggly girls. Every honey bee fills with jealousy. When they see you out with me¡­ I don''t blame them, goodness knows, My honey-suckle rose! Giggles and titters rose from the crowd of green beauties, as he watched Daisybelle blush and start to get nervous and fidgety, which only increased, the longer he sang directly at her. Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. Oh, flowers droop and sigh when you''re passing by, And I know the reason why; You''re much sweeter, goodness knows, You''re my honey-suckle rose! When that flute joined back in, playing the tune with easy familiarity, Gandree followed the superior player into some interesting variations on the theme. It took a long time to notice the handsome, green skinned, smiling man with the flute was the goblin king, without the talons and¡­ The contents of his mouth were even, sharp, white teeth now; previously tusks or fangs would have described them better. ¡°King papa?¡± At least one of the gathered girls asked, confused and surprised in equal measures. ¡°Yes, babies¡­ It¡¯s me!¡± The king dove into the crowd of uniformed beauties, kissing and hugging without fear he might wound, blind or gouge one of them with his claws or fangs. Gandree watched a tender and joyous moment, and one filled with mysteries. Eventually the king broke free of the gathered cuties; with the very sexy, older goblin woman seated on his lap, wrapped in his arms, listening to the dwarf lad. He was still strumming away in the melody of ¡®Honeysuckle Rose¡¯ on his shitter digger. ¡°He really did have a goddess in his pocket, Daze¡­¡± Ghnash murmured. ¡°She came to me in my dreams and made me¡­ whole?¡± ¡°Goddess SmileyFace?¡± Daisy asked cheerfully. ¡°SmartyPants?¡± ¡°SpiderBoobs.¡± He sighed just as blissfully. ¡°I learned about motorboats¡­ Sabrina, hold still!¡± He grinned and dove face first into the mature goblin Dame¡¯s overflowing top and made happy sputtering sounds, while bobbling his head about madly. ¡°That would have been super deadly dangerous before I got SpiderKissed!¡± He giggled madly when he emerged from the bushing lady¡¯s green tinted gobbo knobbos. She boxed his ears and scolded him, while wriggling closer into his lap for more. She went on to complain at length about the indignity of the whole thing; while tugging his long, green ears to pull his face back into the valley of queenly delights. Daisybelle found Gandree¡¯s blushes and embarrassed faces delightful, so she shoved her less fulsome bosom into his face for a trial run. Sadly, that ended the music, as a string snapped with a sour twang, snagged away on one of her coat buttons, in her play. ¡°Oh, no!¡± She gasped. ¡°Sorry sorry! Oh, I¡¯m so double dumb!¡± ¡°Daisybelle, shush, it¡¯s just a length of trashworm guts, washed out and dried.¡± He whispered into the disconsolate little terror¡¯s long, pointed green ear. ¡°I have plenty more.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She whispered tearfully, looking up at him from their embrace. ¡°Really.¡± He leaned down and stole a long kiss from her, just because it felt like all the right answers to a whole bunch of questions were right there for the taking. # Rolf Belen, ducal heir to Wheatford and the surrounding counties sat astride his silvery and majestic unicorn and smiled down on the busy work crews below. He had two steady young knights at his stirrups, watching the work camp from a nearby vantage point. Another trio of armored and mounted warriors stood at the other end of the road, alert and ready. There were a few teams of armored foot among the road and bridge crews as well, but trouble seldom announced itself before landing on the workers. So far it had been minor nuisances; a small nest of stinkroaches had tried to raid their supplies, drawn by the food and human activity. A small cave crawler briefly scouted the horse lines the night before and got firmly trampled by mighty Annie for its temerity. Master Khan was still down at the stream, trying to get the stench washed off the giant warhorse¡¯s hooves. She was super upset about the whole thing and made her dissatisfaction obvious. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, dear¡­ this is just plain old soap and water, we can¡¯t go all the way back to Gary and Shai¡¯s bath for this¡­¡± Ester the unicorn was enjoying her friend¡¯s discomfort, since she didn¡¯t have any of that stuff on her hooves. ¡°Don¡¯t get too smug, dear¡­ We might be the next to have to smash something nasty.¡± Rolf whispered with a smile; he was busy watching his wife bustle about in the administration tent with the construction teams¡¯ foreman. The poor fellow was having a hard time padding his requisitions and expenses under Angie¡¯s watchful gaze. The ridiculous highline crossing those fools had created was gone, replaced by a nearly complete wooden trestle bridge, soon they would be on to the next challenge. Another week and the new road would be below the perilous final climb. Cutting a road over that was going to be challenging, especially with the monster bugs still thrashing each other and anything else that emerged into their domain, far below. The two giants were in separate corners of the valley now, munching on the remains of a strange, slimy, tentacled¡­ something that had fallen from the waterfall and splattered onto the broken stones and filthy mud of the ravaged vale in the night. ¡°Any idea what that was?¡± Jacob asked quietly, looking faintly green at the noisome spectacle. ¡°Some kind of cave kraken¡­? Gods and spirits, I don¡¯t know.¡± Rolf sighed, disgusted by the scene himself. ¡°We¡¯ll learn more when we get a delve team inside. ¡°There¡¯s no telling¡­¡± The sound of Bannock¡¯s warhorn rang out, as her three person squad wheeled and charged from their hilltop. ¡°One short, one long¡­ They need backup. Stay here and keep alert.¡± Six light armored warriors were leaping into their saddles and riding out of the camp, as Rolf and Ester ran up the road, calling the alarm. They joined the squad of light, mounted foot; falling into formation with the Adventurer irregulars with nods of greeting all around. ¡°Your lancers won¡¯t be winning this one, sir Rolf.¡± Colette sighed. ¡°Take our mounts and back us up please, my lord. This is a matter for us.¡± She turned to her team and started calling out orders. ¡°Ascots, dismount! Issac,Sam, Mustafa, on me. We¡¯re going in. Penz, take the archers up that rise and keep it off the horses while we move in.¡± The beast was heavily armored in dark and mottled overlapping chitinous plates, to better hide among the stones and wastelands and stalk its prey. The humble vinegaroon was a nasty looking, unpleasant but largely harmless insect predator that preyed on other small crawlers in the desert wastes. Giant varieties were much more troublesome and dangerous. The day¡¯s trouble was just over ten feet long from the tips of its massive, crushing claws to the long, whiplike tail, the armored bug was a thorny, spiky mess of exoskeleton armored nasty. It was using those heavy, spiked pincers to fend off the three knights that were harassing it on the road. The thing took a swipe at Herlick, easy to spot in her red heavy plate, as she rode by just out of range. Her partner, Bannock sped by and plunged a slender lance into a gap in the thing¡¯s armor that only appeared for a moment. Both riders withdrew, while the enraged creature raised its long whiptail and sprayed a thick, dark liquid everywhere. Pools of dark, reeking acid showed where it had tried before and missed the mark, but those hazardous, slippery puddles remained. Rolf blew the withdrawal in order on his horn, as he and Ester cantered over. No horse, no matter how well trained, was equipped to deal with an acid spraying, gigantic, spiny land lobster. Colette held a heavy warspear, almost an axe, not quite a shovel and much more robust and hefty than a standard spear. She circled right, while Sam and Mustafa went left. Sam¡¯s heavy maul paired well with Mustafa¡¯s dual handaxes, a pair of nasty, short hafted choppers that were ideal for hard shells and tough joints, once there were a few cracks in the armor. That was Issac¡¯s job, to linger on the sidelines, looking for an opportunity to bring his massive ¡®hammer¡¯ into play. The eight pound sledge had conical, bluntly pointed faces, with wide shoulders of steel after the short, rounded points, on the end of a four foot haft of turned ironwood. It was finely wrought, unsubtle and definitely not a construction tool. The light armored Adventurers moved carefully into position, as the cavalry withdrew, under the cover of a flurry of stones from the archers. Her team kept the barrage up even during the ascent to their overlook, each one taking a moment to give the thing some love. They whirled their slings and pelted the beast with the local geology, since arrows would just be waste on that beastie. With Penz, Liz and Tamra safely up on a rocky prominence that supplied all the ammunition and cover they could hope for, the melee team started angling for an advantage. The thing was quick in short sprints, but not nimble, or clever. The huge, almost comically large claws were a real threat to slow moving or unwary prey, but in a fight against a team of wary, experienced and determined warriors it was no sure thing for either side. The thing¡¯s rushing charge attacks and pinchy grabs could be evaded, not blocked, mass was definitely on its side, as were a terrifying number of thorny spikes, jutting out from its armor and claws¡­ With the lancers out of the fray, but still posing a threat up the road, the Red Ascots moved in with careful aggression. The archers had their choice of stones and a good vantage even if their weapons were unlikely to do any real damage. Liz and Tamara focused on pitching stones at the thing¡¯s only real vulnerable point, the whip tail¡¯s awful, waxy yellow and cartilaginous juncture with the monster¡¯s arse. Striking that organ sent the dangerous acid spurting harmlessly onto the monster¡¯s own back, which seemed to be unaffected by the awful sludge. The two women worked hard to bash that rancid gland, whenever they had a shot. Penz got a lucky cast and burst one of the thing¡¯s eyes, blinding it for a few precious seconds on one side. It would regenerate quickly, as with most monsters that reached threat level A. Sam and Mustafa pressed in on the thing¡¯s sites side, waving their weapons and putting on a show, while Collete and Issac moved in. The big man rushed forward on the creature¡¯s blindside and stuck hard for the first joint before that awful right hand claw. The crunch of tool steel hitting carapace with all the force the very large, very muscular man had was shockingly loud across the highland roadway Collete followed on, driving the wide, chopping blade of her ¡®spear¡¯ right into the shattered mess her husband was busy wrenching his hammer out of. The thing whirled about in fury, pain and a sudden loss of balance, as the hefty, armored claw dragged behind the beast, attached by only a thin strip of gristle. Acid spurted and dribbled from the monster¡¯s sprayer, as Mustafa and Sam closed in on the monster¡¯s legs, hewing and smashing those much lighter armored limbs, as they moved on the creature¡¯s whip end. Left claw was still in business but the outlook was not good. The two humans slipped back out of range as it stumbled over and became slightly entangled with its own spiked appendage. # ¡°They aren¡¯t cheap, but the Ascots really know how to throw a party.¡± Herlick grunted as the cavalry watched the team of foot work from a slight rise in the road seventy yards away. ¡°Speaking of, who¡¯s our delve team, any word yet?¡± Mustafa and Sam had severed the thing¡¯s whip, taking the awful gland with it¡­ Which unstoppered the monster¡¯s back end in some really unpleasant ways. Colette and Issac began to withdraw, leading the desperate beastie over its own spiky claw; which became entangled in its own entrails and slowly pulled the monster¡¯s insides into the bright summer sun. ¡°Oh¡­ very efficient.¡± Bannock muttered, while lowering their visor to conceal the disgusted pallor on their fine, high cheekbones. ¡°Commendable work¡­¡± The tall, silvery armored knight muttered, as they began tending to a very important saddle girth adjustment. An adjustment that totally prevented the knight from watching the monster¡¯s sad and pitiful end, beneath Issac¡¯s hammer. ¡°We had a call out to the Fist, but they are already abroad; in Port Erasmus, delving a new dungeon there.¡± Rolf grumbled. ¡°The Hammers are on contract with my house, but they have declined¡­ They aren¡¯t a dedicated delve team and this one seems¡­ odd.¡± ¡°Will you call for volunteers?¡± Herlick asked eagerly. ¡°There are enough veterans with delve experience around to form a pickup team, if the rewards are rich enough.¡± ¡°Would you consider it, sir Herlick? I have been toying with the idea of forming an exploratory party.¡± Rolf¡¯s smile wasn¡¯t exactly eager, but it was excited. ¡°I¡¯ve always wondered¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m telling Angie.¡± Ester murmured cheekily, by twitching her ears and shaking her mane at him. ¡°That does sound like more fun than we¡¯ve had in years.¡± ¡°Perhaps¡­ Life has gotten stranger and more¡­ magical?¡± She paused and considered, while Bannock found more reasons to not watch the kids topple that gigantic bug corpse off the side of the mountain, to crash down on the stony wilderness below. ¡°Yes, more magical, I¡¯d say. Perhaps I should ¡®Expand My Mind¡¯ as the dirt divers always say.¡± ¡°Gods¡­ They do all say that, don¡¯t they¡­?¡± Rolf muttered, thinking back on the few times he¡¯d met professional dungeon delvers. ¡°They always seem to stare beyond whoever they are talking to¡­ The veterans, anyway.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the mushrooms they consume, before entering the void maw. They are said to buffer the psychic shock of¡­ whatever happens between leaving here and arriving there.¡± Bannock offered, while scraping her mount¡¯s hooves. ¡°Many retire with my order, they find our meditations soothing on their troubled minds. Working with horses also helps with the¡­ after effects. My groom, Ramon, is one such.¡± ¡°Really¡­¡± Rolf muttered. ¡°Interesting, do you think he would share his knowledge with us?¡± ¡°He¡¯lll never delve again, my lord. His memories of his journey are disjointed and confused, when he can bear to speak of it.¡± The tall knight murmured. ¡°I will relate what I know, in confidence, please, my lord. The man has suffered enough without starting tongues wagging.¡± Rolf nodded soberly, which was as good as a temple sworn oath from the serious young lord. Bannock nodded in reply and spoke quietly. ¡°His team was wiped out by a force of armored human knights, shortly after encamping on the other side. He alone escaped and was forced to return without his mushroom drug. The poor man suffers from the effects to this day.¡± The knight whispered. ¡°He spoke of men hurling balls of fire and bolts of eldritch force¡­ many thought him simply mindbroken and mad¡­¡± They paused to reflect for a moment. ¡°Perhaps a madman is what we need.¡± ¡°What are you suggesting, sir Bannock?¡± Rolf asked carefully. ¡°We have seen other wonders¡­ That man¡¯s hammer is no natural working of human crafts, any fool can guess who gave it to him. We have seen magical arrows conjured from will, houses that dissolve into mist and demons snuffed out before our very eyes¡­¡± Bannock set a sober and serious gaze on the young lord¡¯s face before they spoke again. ¡°My man Ramon traveled beyond and returned broken¡­ We both know another such, perhaps we should approach¡­¡± ¡°Denied. You¡¯ve seen¡­what he¡¯s like. There¡¯s not enough left of him, we can¡¯t ask any more.¡± The young lord answered firmly, as master Khan rode up on his enormous destrier. Annie chuffed and huffed at Ester and the others, in friendly horsie greeting. ¡°Annie says to leave the Shadowmounted alone, he is in a delicate phase of his development.¡± Khan grumbled at the lord and the pair of knights. ¡°I don¡¯t know what that means, I was just instructed to tell you.¡± He sighed so hard it ruffled his mustache, a disappointed glare directed at the mounted knights and lord. ¡°If you are going to plot and scheme around that poor boy, don¡¯t do it where your horses can hear¡­ or any spiders either, I suppose.¡± # May I Have Your Attention, Please? Ch: 16 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance May I Have Your Attention, Please? Ch: 16 Gandree never slept much, so he found himself wandering the palisade town below the hill, just mostly looking at the people, so varied and different, moving about freely in the sun. He¡¯d stashed enough supplies in his shadow to have a picnic feast wherever he found himself, so he just roamed and watched. Hunger latched its cruel claws into his middle early on, so his feast barely made it to third bell. He had no money and no real plans so the sound of a hammer on iron drew him in almost magnetically. It was so familiar¡­ the smells, sounds and the heat. The smith was a huge human woman, she must have been five foot ten at least, if slightly built; she couldn¡¯t weigh more than one hundred and eighty pounds¡­ She smiled down at him and nodded, continuing her work. ¡°What needs ya? Young dwarf?¡± Her forge was simple, but well laid out, she lacked any of the water powered tools the clanhold¡¯s workshops boasted, but her enormously tall and gangly apprentice looked competent as well, pumping the bellows with a firm, measured stroke, rather than gusting and puffing carelessly. ¡°I was¡­ was wondering if you had any work¡­ I¡¯m currently without coins.¡± He muttered in rueful embarrassment. ¡°It¡¯s my first time outside the clanhold, I don¡¯t know how this works¡­¡± ¡°Tellin a perspective¡­ prospective? Whatever, tellin yer hagglin opponent that yer a straight rube is a dangerous tactic boy¡­¡± She said with a wide grin. ¡°Yer sir Daisybelle¡¯s beau, right? I have an apprentice and no work for his fumblin¡¯ hands to do. Yer need no coins in my shop. What need ya?¡± ¡°Coins¡­ and lumber, really¡­¡± He answered, even more deeply embarrassed. ¡°I¡¯m more of a¡­¡± He looked around and whispered very softly. ¡°I¡¯m a carpenter, really.¡± ¡°So go inta the carpenter¡¯s shop¡­ Master Tully is as skilled as any in the region.¡± The smith watched with some amusement as he turned a few new colors, as if she¡¯d suggested he dance a seductive strip tease in the public square. ¡°I couldn¡¯t¡­. What if someone¡­ saw?¡± He gasped. ¡°Bumhauer, take over these horseshoes¡­ I¡¯ve an errand!¡± The huge young man stood up from the bellows and took up her hammer with an eager grin on his face. ¡°Count on me, mistress Jessie!¡± He gasped. ¡°I¡¯ll count myself lucky if I get one shoe in four that¡¯s usable¡­ lad¡¯s not quite there yet.¡± She mumbled on the way out the door, dragging the young dwarf along by the collar. ¡°Daisybelle would bite my ears off if I left you in this state, boy. You look like a newborn sheep, stumbling on ice.¡± Before he knew it he was being introduced to the old master carpenter Tully. ¡°Call me Ivan, lad. Old men have no time for such like¡­¡± He then proceeded to maunder on and on about the youth of today and their casual discourtesy to their honored elders. ¡°Stuff it Tully, the lad¡¯s Daisybelle¡¯s. Put whatever he needs on my marker.¡± The smith grumbled at the bald pated, wizened old coot, burbling on about ¡®...these kids today¡­¡¯ At her words he sat up straight and seemed twenty years younger. ¡°Daisybelle¡¯s toy? Oh sorry, lad¡­ I was just giving you the business¡­¡± He grinned and shook his head in embarrassment. ¡°Many¡¯s the traveling traders, thought old tully crackbrained and an easy mark¡­ to their sorrow.¡± She chuckled, still holding the young dwarf¡¯s coat collar firmly. ¡°He prides hiself on sharp dealing, but he likes breathing through his nose, so he won¡¯t be doing any of that with you.¡± She aimed the young lad at the old carpenter and let him loose at last. ¡°Remember, put it on my books, old man.¡± The huge woman vanished away, presumably back to her shop¡­ ¡°Put it all on my books, old man¡­¡± Ivan Tully squeaked in a tremulous falsetto, mocking the woman poorly. ¡°I¡¯ll be marking half down on hers, mind you. I have my own accounts with the Belle of the wolves to settle up.¡± He grumbled mysteriously. ¡°What do ya need?¡± # ¡°So, I can just have¡­ all this stuff?¡± He asked warily, eying the pile of treasures he¡¯d accumulated. Glue, varnish, lacquer a selection of tints and dyes finally, most importantly, a stack of seasoned lumber. Slabs of burl, rough sawn planks and a few old rough hewn beams pulled from some house, stained with smoke and age all sat in a pile beside the basket of jars and pots. ¡°Lad, that¡¯s like two bronze marks worth of odds and ends¡­ take it and begone. I owe that crazy wolfrider six gold moons¡­ Your whole trade is less than a single tear in a salty sea.¡± The old man sighed. ¡°I may have a gambling problem.¡± He smiled and sighed. ¡°I¡¯ll have a carter bring it all up to the castle, lad.¡± The man was head down in his ledger, noting the pitiful sum down with a deep sigh. When he looked up the pile of lumber and goods was simply gone, the boy still standing there, dusting off his hands. ¡°Oh, spatial or dimension magic¡­ good on you lad! Never had the knack for magery.¡± He smiled again. ¡°I¡¯d always heard dwarves don¡¯t have the magespark¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a mage, master Tull¡­ Ivan. I just have a few tricks.¡± Gandree protested weakly. ¡°Perhaps, I won¡¯t pry. It¡¯s against tradition out here on the edge of things. Won¡¯t stop gossip, though.¡± Ivan sighed. ¡°Going to build a hope chest for your fair damsel with all that?¡± ¡°Not exactly, I do have high hopes, though.¡± The lad replied, as he sauntered out into the early afternoon. He could make it back up to the castle and steal a kiss from Daisybelle as she woke¡­ That thought quickened his steps and brought his flute out into the sunshine to play a brisk marching tune. # ¡°About two yards wide and four yards high, it goes back a ways so a seal on our side should do. There¡¯s already a stele inscribed with glyphs of forbiddance up there.¡± Wilf rumbled as he and Frankie climbed back down from the cleft in a stone massif. ¡°It¡¯s broken but not irreparable. I can make a keystone and repair it in a couple hours.¡± ¡°Any chance the troll has the key?¡± Becky asked calmly. ¡°When I repair it, all the old keys will be useless pebbles. I doubt it had a key in any case, that would involve some higher level thinking.¡± Wilf grumbled. ¡°It probably just brute forced the weakened barrier. Any sentient being could pass through, with enough determination or the proper rituals and drugs.¡± Dannyl sighed and waved at the team to gather up. ¡°Set camp, kids, I want that re-sealed tonight. I want that troll bottled up, one side or the other. Worst case, he¡¯ll lead us to another open void maw.¡± ¡°You think there could be more?¡± Amy asked eagerly. ¡°I¡¯d bet on it. He scampered up these hills pretty darn confidently, he had at least a few ways out.¡± Dannyl muttered, eying the rugged cliffs and crags. The sun was still above the peaks, when Wilf and Rio climbed down, satisfied with their work. ¡°Nice and tight, I sketched a vermin ward in as well, bugs are always resistant to the usual aversion charms.¡± Wilf announced when they landed and unhooked their safety lines. ¡°That troll will need to find a new passage.¡± # After the long trudge up the hill to the castle, Gandree slipped through the hedge and gate easily, since the four goblin girls on duty had dark lenses and shady hats on, it was hard to tell; but they all seemed to avoid meeting his eyes and none spoke to him at all. They simply stepped aside and waved him past, in a very strictly businesslike manner. Beyond the hedge, the inner garden unfurled before him in the waning daylight, so beautifully landscaped and perfect it was hard to reconcile his experiences with his former clans¡¯ tales of savage and cannibalistic ¡®goblin vermin¡¯ roaming the wilds. Even more difficult to fit into his preconceptions was the king himself. The tall, green man was in the garden holding a wooden staff practicing some kind of dance in excruciatingly slow motion. He wore loose fitting pants and a simple shirt of undyed cloth, which clung to his body as he moved in his strange performance. Sheened with sweat and with a look of utter concentration on his face, the king finished whatever he was doing and pulled a towel from somewhere¡­ Perhaps the same place his unadorned staff of pale ridged wood vanished when he was done with it. The young dwarf looked more carefully at the king¡¯s shadow and saw something familiar there. ¡°We have many things in common, brother, and perhaps things to learn from each other.¡± He said with an easy, slightly crooked smile. ¡°You keep calling me brother, but you¡¯re a goblin and I¡¯m a dwarf¡­ I don¡¯t even have any dwarf kin.¡± ¡°I mentioned that we have other brothers¡­ and perhaps a sister or two, scattered around the realms that adjoin this domain, just as your old land abuts this one, in those rocky hills.¡± The king said calmly, placing his hand on the blocky lad¡¯s shoulder. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! ¡°We were broken and scattered to the winds in some strange misadventure¡­ somehow, we rained down on the worlds and domains near that event and took root in those places, where we could.¡± The king¡¯s warm, gentle grip held the dwarf boy up when he got shaky in the knees. ¡°That can¡¯t be¡­¡± He muttered, as all those faint, disjointed memories that had plagued him so long, slowly began to fit together a little more snugly. ¡°You were born of no mortal parents, but erupted into the world as a crying babe, somewhere near the hold of your people.¡± The king whispered, guiding the shaken dwarf to a nearby stone bench. ¡°Perhaps you have odd gifts, strange memories, know things no normal dwarf would, or can do things they could not¡­¡± ¡°I make musical instruments¡­¡± He whispered his secret to this familiar stranger, who seemed to know so much about him. ¡°I can hide things in my shadow and with some effort, I can conjure a place not unlike this one, though smaller and less grand.¡± ¡°Yes¡­ I sensed your shadow and I saw your shovulele, nice work that.¡± Ghansh gave the dwarf¡¯s shoulder a friendly squeeze, it was a lot like squeezing a rock. ¡°Come downstairs, we¡¯ll talk as craftsmen should. We have an hour or two until my children awake and Daisybelle will demand all your time and attention.¡± The king led him down into the foundation of the castle, into a realm of mysterious wonders. Huge workstations that were only vaguely familiar from the dwarfhold¡¯s shops stood along the walls; Buffing, grinding and polishing wheels, a drill press, bandsaw, radial saw, table saw, router¡­ The names came rushing into his mind, along with a sense of deep familiarity with the tools he now recognized. A terrifying array of hand tools hung everywhere on the walls, chisels, rasps, gouges, scorps, drawknives, planes and drills all neat and orderly. ¡°What¡­is this place¡­?¡± Gandree gasped softly. ¡°You know, brother, I smell it on you. Go explore and play for a time, use whatever you wish. I¡¯ll be here if you need anything or have any questions.¡± The king flung open a wide window cut in the foundation wall, high in the hillside, over the forest; granting them a full measure of the evening sunlight and fantastic view of the valley spread out below them. A cool breeze and a few early notes of evening birdsong was enough to start the king playing his long, yellow bone flute, as Gandree followed his eager hands into a wonderland of complex machines and tools. The king¡¯s soaring music took wing in his heart and unchained the reticent and shy dwarf lad in a way he¡¯d never truly felt before¡­ free. Free to work his crafts undirected, unquestioned and undisturbed by selfish demands for his attention¡­ # ¡°Gandree boy, I¡¯m talking to you!¡± Daisybelle almost yelled at him some considerable time later, still raising no response. ¡°Leave him be, daughter, he has some things to work though alone.¡± Ghnash pulled the flustered girl into his lap and soothed her, by petting her long ears and stroking her hair. He set his chin atop her head and watched with her as the boy moved through the shop with a dancer¡¯s grace, lost in the moment and seeing only his project. ¡°Papa¡­ where¡¯s the music coming from?¡± Daisy asked a moment later, when she realized that the king had put aside his flute to comfort her¡­ yet the music continued. ¡°Look¡­ out the window.¡± He whispered, pointing to a flock of small birds perched on the sill; singing sweetly to the young lad who was whistling along as he worked. ¡°The animals of the sky and forest don¡¯t heed my call¡­ Only the wolves and spiders hear me when I sing to them.¡± The king whispered. ¡°We are more alike than not, yet¡­¡± Ghnash smiled and sighed into his daughter¡¯s hair as he braided her locks into a pair of adorable pigtails. ¡°He¡¯s a better craftsman than I am already. He¡¯s had more time to practice these crafts.¡± ¡°Gandree boy said they made him work all the time on their crafts and denied him the thingies to work his own¡­¡± She shrugged in utter confusion at that. ¡°He should have fought them, or run away.¡± ¡°Yes darling, but they convinced him that he couldn¡¯t; that¡¯s how civilized people take what they want from those who are less powerful or have no wealth.¡± The king whispered. ¡°When there¡¯s nothing left to take, they demand your time, the most precious thing in all the realms.¡± ¡°That¡¯s stupid¡­ they have their own time¡­¡± Daisybelle muttered sulkily. ¡°His time is mine.¡± ¡°No darling, it¡¯s his life, he may share some of his time with you, perhaps a lot, unless I miss my guess¡­¡± Ghnash tugged her pretty new pigtails mischievously, to break her sour mood. ¡°He¡¯s got things he needs to learn and do on his own as well, my dear. Give him the space and time he needs, then you can share your time with him.¡± ¡°Hmph.¡± She grumbled, while hugging onto her papa more fiercely. ¡°He¡¯s not even making a good womp¡­ that club will break against the first skull it hits¡­ and the handle¡¯s a weird shape.¡± ¡°Yes dear, it will be a terrible and useless womp. But that¡¯s not what he¡¯s making.¡± The king mumbled. ¡°Now shush and watch, or go get him a snack¡­ that might be a better plan.¡± # The Necromancer sat up on his palanquin when he felt the familiar tug of someone messing with his gate wards and spellworks, even those he¡¯d installed on other reflections of this¡­ or some other world¡­ that was all a bit hazy. He¡¯d like to think that his little slice of heaven back in the forgotten necropolis above that peaceful town was the ¡®real world¡¯, but that was obviously not the case. There were too many holes in reality and places where the impossible, eternal nothing yawned at the edge of things. The Necromancer had stared into that crawling, terrible gulf often enough to know that it was no part of a stable, fixed reality. This one was crumbling rapidly under the stress of his presence. He could feel it dissolving, as the spirits, shades and ghosts that maintained its illusion of substance fled into his shadow. Each one only held a flicker of Will and Mind in its insubstantial form. It was the shameful number of haunts and shades infesting the dismal little hole in the never that were keeping the place open for business. Workshops and smithies were scattered over the valley floor, raising a clatter and bustle of industry that was oppressive, even on the barren heights. No trees remained in the valley, the rivers were clogged with silt, waste and mine tailings from the huge open pit mines dug into the mountains all around. Human bodies worked and labored all over the wretched little valley, working to create enchanted objects of power; weapons, armor and trinkets imbued with the remnant energies of the mortal lives the laborers once held. He watched with pleasure as the workshops and machines fell silent, one after another. His own shades moved unseen among those imprisoned here, doing mischief in ways that a more fixed and solid reality would never allow. Some sneakily unsealed corpse jars, releasing trapped mortal souls from their torments, which silenced the machines that those arcane batteries powered, one by one. Others drifted along, unbinding shades from their mortal husks, leaving the possessing demon slugs inside those bodies; trapped in prisons of dead, decaying meat with no easy escape. They could eat their way free eventually¡­ if they had time to do so. More of his legion were busily seeing to it that they would not find the time. Even while the mortal bodies slumped to the barren ground in lifeless heaps, as the valley fell eerily silent, more shades and haunts were pouring in from the edges and hidden corners of the shitty hellscape, ditching the awful dump for the cool, welcoming embrace of true death. His scattered legion called them home, offering escape from their bondage and the freedom to finally answer the call that all mortals must heed eventually. He began to laugh madly over the still, silent wasteland, as the edges of the mountain range began to fade from view. The horizon slowly crawled closer as the faint Will of the almost sentient shades faded and stopped Heisenburging the place into a semblance of reality through the power of sentient observation and expectation. An unstable chunk of reality can be maintained in the endless never between worlds by the focused will of a sentient being, if the traveler can keep their thoughts and mind focused on the matter at hand. Two minds make the job much easier, by more than half, while a third participant doubles the assistance of the first helper¡­ The convoluted mathematics of occult perception and the differing levels of conscious awareness that ghosts possess made any actual concrete measurements virtually impossible. One thing was certain, his shadow was getting seriously bloated, uncomfortably so, as the world dwindled away. The gist of the matter was that only the occult gaze of so terribly many fractional ghosts were holding the little pest hole together in the turbulent never. Now he was a hole in the balloon, slowly letting the ¡®air¡¯ out as his shadow inflated into the never behind him where he stood, just inside the shrinking realm¡­ When the first spawn of Thereissq, slug brood matron found itself sucked into the yawning void, a shudder of dread ripped through the awful fields of fallen corpses. Through their simple, empathic hive mind, they had each felt their kin become entombed in useless dead meat and carried on, assuming that nothing would assail them here, under the matron¡¯s very eyestalks. Now the entire brood was trapped and their matron mother had slipped away into the beyond, abandoning them to their shared fate: oblivion. The Necromancer smiled coldly at the escaping true immortal, she¡¯d felt his aura and had learnt fear from his touch. She slipped away, into the beyond that was her native home, unaware that she had already been touched by one of his sneaky spooks. The man with the borrowed snake would find her soon. Slowly, the slugs, whether still trapped in their meaty prisons or wriggling desperately to escape an ending that they were already part of, began to fall off the edge into the void. Soon, none were left to see the end of their little zombie sweatshop of horrors. Unwitnessed by any sentient Mind or Will but his own, the shrinking worldlett dwindled until it became just a tiny patch of barren stone under his feet and the few square yards of cliff wall holding the rift. Gary Ward, Necromancer and ruler of the shadows and dead sighed uncomfortably as he slipped through the fast vanishing void into his home, back in the necropolis above his little town. # ¡°The lich lord is at it again¡­¡± Leanna Kines, countess of Arborland and the city of trees sighed as she watched the suddenly cloudy sky above her peaceful little town boil with shadows and the restless souls of the dead. Faces in expressions ranging from rapture to torment writhed in the clouds, sometimes too small to really see, others were as tall as thunderheads, looming over the lakeside town in ominous, silent¡­ weirdness. She braced herself for another delegation of her local nobles, traders and craft masters, demanding that she do ¡®something¡¯. They all liked to forget what it was like before the Necromancer moved in; haunts and shades lurking all over town, spooking the children, pets and grown-ass folks out of their britches, even in the full light of day¡­ Forget sleeping at night. The insistent knock of the privileged came mere minutes after the effect appeared in the formerly bright blue, evening sky. ¡°Your damned pet Necromancer is doing it again!¡± Someone shouted in her office. The bright little chamber was too crowded to be sure who said it, but the smart money was on Blanche Fregus the seamstress... ¡°What, pray tell, would you have me do? Serve him a writ for haunting without a permit? Fine him? Jail him?¡± The countess demanded right back. ¡°I¡¯d not be flayed alive, just to ease your minds over this apparently harmless illusion.¡± Thunder rolled from the ominous clouds, in the sound of a legion of laughing madmen as the wind picked up. Cackling, screaming laughter whipped through the hills and echoed from the lake and mountains carrying on and on as huge raindrops began falling steadily on the valley. The wind and thunder ended suddenly, still without a single stroke of lightning over the town. ¡°Harmless?¡± Master trader Dinwiddie demanded. ¡°An eldritch thunderstorm is blowing down on us from the wretched crypt lord¡¯s domain!¡± He shrilled in the sudden stillness and quiet of her office. ¡°No, this storm comes from another world; it is simply spilling over into ours a little. It will end as suddenly as it began.¡± The speaker was a tall figure shrouded in shadows, who had not been in the well lit room before¡­ and the chamber was suddenly quite dim. ¡°The ¡®Damned Necromancer¡¯ is doing what he can, within the limits of his power, to shield you and your town from any¡­ unpleasantness resulting from his ongoing war with the cult of ¡®The Light¡¯.¡± The shadow whispered in each of their ears at once, a creepily intimate sensation that sent shivers down the spines of the living. ¡°Do not disturb the ¡®Wretched Crypt Lord¡¯ at his workings, if you value your sanity and your very souls.¡± The thing faded as the rushlights came roaring back up from a dim smolder, illuminating the room again. ¡°Well, that says it all. Go home¡­ and don¡¯t trouble the dead.¡± The countess scolded the men and women blasting them with her lovely, golden regard as they fled. ¡°That was a little over the top, my love.¡± She sighed as the Necromancer stepped into the room from a narrow shadow that couldn¡¯t possibly have held him. ¡°I was feeling cranky and dramatic¡­ I just destroyed a world, defeated an immortal being that wishes to be a goddess and marked her for death.¡± He sighed as his arms enfolded his clever, canny and entirely huggable wife. ¡°Spirits of the ancestors, you¡¯re creepy as fuck.¡± She sighed. ¡°Why is your shadow so fat? What did you eat?¡± ¡°An entire world, baby. It¡¯s gonna be rough on me for the next few hours and I still have work to do. Hold onto these in case my brothers try to contact me while I¡¯m¡­ indisposed.¡± He mumbled tiredly as he passed her a pair of hoop drums made of yellowed bone and rawhide, with the face of a sneering, leering male goblin painted in terrible detail on one drumhead. The other bore a masked and shadowed figure, further draped in a concealing hood, neither portrait inspired confidence. ¡°Ugh, you know I hate these awful things.¡± She complained fondly as he slowly faded back into the slender shadow he¡¯d emerged from. He had a little embarrassing trouble getting his very robustly plump shadow through the narrow space. ¡°Are we going to have a problem, here?¡± She asked sweetly, as he struggled to drag his morbidly obese companion through the darkness. ¡°I¡¯m not the real Slim Shady¡­¡± He offered apologetically before he finally vanished, as though that made any sense at all. # Please Stand Up Ch: 17 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Please Stand Up Ch: 17 It was deep in the night, almost morning when Gandree looked up from the wonderland of tools, crafts and materials he¡¯d fallen face first into. Urges and desires that had been haunting his dreams as long as he could remember, slowly came to fruition under his hands, below the goblin king¡¯s castle in a timeless fugue state. He was alone, the others had departed without his notice; now he regretted losing track of time¡­ it was frightfully rude. He stroked his creation gently. It was a mass of wooden blocks, clamps, rings, bindings and knotted cords, all jammed under a hefty oak slab for extra compression and stability He was¡­ Hungry. Like, boil your boots and savor every bite hungry. A wicker basket under a clean white cloth sat on the bench where the king and Daisybelle had been, with a small rawhide card bearing a short note in dwarvish runes. Enjoy this snack, we will be in the castle... somewhere. G.W. + DB Inside he found a crusty loaf of good white bread, a dried sausage of some kind, a clay pot of soft, slightly smelly but delicious cheese and a big bunch of plump wild grapes beside a clay jug of cider. It was all delicious and simple¡­ and made him feel more welcome and accepted than he had ever felt before. The lad draped a dust cloth over his borrowed workbench and drifted up the stairs, into the palace proper seeking his hosts, before exhaustion could take him away. He encountered Sabrina, the ¡®queen¡¯ of the castle as he entered the main room and smiled at her warmly. She responded by turning about and walking the other direction without even looking at him. Every other goblin he met reacted the same way, with cold indifference and silence. That was eerily familiar, recalling his days as ClansWard, slave to all, and as unwelcome as a bad smell in polite company. ¡°I bet they¡¯ll come running when they want something¡­¡± He grumbled to himself as he stumbled off to Daisibelle¡¯s room to leave her a note. # The sun was coming up over the rocky little meadow by the river, as he slowly brought the music down and his house up. He¡¯d spent a long time and a lot of effort to create the thing as close as he could manage to the house in his dreams¡­ and it was pretty weird. It stood way too tall, with absurdly high doorways; which were, thankfully, properly wide enough. The ceilings could easily accommodate giants and the beds were enormously long¡­ but delightfully soft and wide. The rest of the furniture, fixtures and tools seemed weirdly too tall and just plain awkward in every way. He quickly gave up on the main floor and ignored upstairs entirely, vowing to try again tomorrow, when he was rested. Down in the basement, things were more normal; he had all the tools and supplies he¡¯d ¡®appropriated in lieu of wages¡¯ from the dwarfhold neatly laid out. Piles of ingots, ore and gear were all neatly sorted on his storage racks awaiting his attention. The coal bin was full, though he wouldn¡¯t really be needing it, now that he¡¯d seen the goblin king¡¯s magically self powered tools and workshop. He sighed happily, as he racked up the loot from his foray into the carpenter¡¯s shop and what he had been given by the overly and overtly generous king. Tomorrow he would collect his unfinished project and complete the work here, where he wouldn¡¯t disrupt the king¡¯s household. Those thoughts percolated in his mind as he climbed the stairs; all the way up to the master suite he knew was there, but hadn¡¯t seen yet, somehow. Nearly senseless, he collapsed on the fluffy, enormous bed and vanished from the waking world. # ¡°Gandree boy ran away!¡± Daisybelle grumbled, waving her note around at everyone she saw, even though most couldn¡¯t read. ¡°Who made him embarrassed or feel bad?¡± She demanded of each of her sisters, before approaching Sabrina in a less confrontational manner. ¡°Nobody talked to him, nobody looked at him, silly girl. He is a day walking stoneskin, can¡¯t expect him to behave like civilized folk.¡± Sabrina complained right back. ¡°Wandering around like that¡­ like he¡¯s a woman!¡± She huffed and sniffed. Slowly, Daisibelle considered the few of her sisters who¡¯d found mates; none of them had stayed in the castle either¡­ She considered her own reactions in the past, to those few men who her sisters had brought home to meet King papa. BarbaraAnn¡¯s wife, Estrella had no interest in king papa¡¯s royal scepter or baby making prowess, so she always avoided the king on her infrequent visits¡­ but everyone else was always friendly and chatty with her. ¡°Did we¡­ hurt his feelings?¡± She asked the older gobb softly. ¡°He¡¯s a boy¡­ do they even have those?¡± Sabrina asked blandly. ¡°Ok¡­ I¡¯m gonna go find the boy¡­¡± Daisybelle muttered through tight clenched teeth. She whistled for her pack and smiled when she heard them stampeding through the halls creating utter havoc. # She picked up his scent trail in the market, while storm clouds were gathering above the valley, it looked like it would be a rough night. No other dwarf men ever came here, so her doggies picked him out with ease. Less than a mile from town, on a rocky rise above the small river that fed the north end of the big lake, she found him and his house¡­ The door opened at her touch, not even a latch on it, the poor fool. The girl and her pack poured into a strange, vast, yet cozy room with odd, upsized furniture. Like king papa¡¯s house, but not. Everything seemed more¡­ crafted, more sleek and finished. The windows held real glass like she¡¯d seen in human towns and so much metal! Metal everywhere! Everything was intricate, clean, polished and embellished with subtle whorls and spirals, evoking wood grain in things of stone and metal. She and the doggies trooped up the wide, high stairs to the big room, just like king papa¡¯s place. This room held a bed so big, so fluffy and white, she could only tell by scent that her boy was lost somewhere in those pillows and blankets. With an ecstatic whoop, she leapt in, diving for the depths without a care, just as it began to rain in earnest. # The Necromancer paused, just on the other side of the void from the magical stele of warding he had felt someone fiddling with. It had been on his list, his long, long list of stones that needed repair or refreshing. Now it was intact, neatly repaired and even enhanced¡­ The insect warding charm spun in among his work, strengthening the forbiddance and curse bans, the undead barriers and spiritual boundaries. The seal he¡¯d crafted so often and considered more than excellent had just been¡­ updated. His usual methodology was highly personal and deeply subjective, rooted in jazz theory and an appreciation for complexity and resonance. This stranger¡¯s twiddling had untangled the complex knot no one had ever unbound before, leaving a splendid and harmonious, unassailable wall, rather than the hedge of thorns and forbiddance he¡¯d crafted. It was a wall, with a door. A door that could only be opened and passed by a mortal being with the correct gifts, ritual preparations or knowledge¡­ denying all others absolutely. ¡°Nice¡­¡± He whispered, while taking copious notes. It took him half an hour to create a key that would let him slip through without raising an alarm. That wasn¡¯t really impressive, in a place where time had only the meaning one chose to give it¡­ or some complicated shit like that. He gave up and focused on the task at hand. Contemplating mortal concepts while standing on the edge of reality, picking a magical lock was not helpful, or wise. He hesitated on the edge and considered other options. This was one of the most fully realized worlds he¡¯d ever entered, if only briefly. The whole place was highly toxic to his essence and would start eroding his Ka and sending his wights flitting away, whenever he was exposed to sunlight or moonlight. The moonlight was strangely, the worst. He could withstand the sun for a full day, at the cost of some pain; the moons¡¯ light became dangerously corrosive in mere minutes. With a sigh, he inscribed his key solution into a ball of rendered human tallow and tucked it in his shadow for safekeeping. He would need to ask the Magician for help with this one. His ghost storage was getting uncomfortably full, something needed to change or he might burst¡­ Unless some dickless wonder bumbled in and broke his containment grid first. That made him chuckle in the airless void between worlds, as his tiny island of something bore his palanquin through the endless nothing and back into his realm. Far below the vast necropolis on the surface, he emerged in a lightless cavern of the dead. Crypts, vaults and entire mausoleums crafted entirely of bones covered every available flat surface in the huge vault. Chasms and rifts in the floor served as ossuary pits, filled to the top with human and beastfolk bones and smoothly cobbled with skulls. In the silent halls of the dead, he let his shadow spill out and disgorge his legion back into the depths. The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Void travel was difficult, uncomfortable and impossible for the dead. His minions couldn¡¯t pass through the void maw on their own, requiring him to bring only as many shades and could fit in his shadow. There were always plenty of haunts, spectres undead and bodies to work with when he arrived; but it was draining and difficult to wrangle so many fresh spirits, usually under adverse conditions. Fortunately, in the fractional, topsy-turvy inside out collection of almost realities scattered around the local area, there were a few other ways to traverse the planes, for those with the Will and knowledge to attempt them. The catacombs led deeper and deeper into the earth; connecting this realm of the dead with so many other forgotten crypts and cemeteries. The network of passages between domains that the dead traveled were forbidden to the living and embodied; only shades and ghosts could slip from one burial ground to another. True escape from the endlessly refracted demi planes eluded him, and everyone else, but if there were graves there, he needed only find a spirit that could guide him. In the main ossuary he lay down on a cozy bed, draped in spider web and guarded by a dozen corpselight tarantulas. The half alive, haunted arachnids watched over him in the dark, lest some noisome nibbler come up looking for fresh meat in the dusty, long abandoned crypts. With an indistinct spiritual shrug, he slipped out of his body and into his own shadow, haunting himself and enclosing his Ka in his own transplanted Animus. In the endless dark, no one living watched as shadow and soul became the illusion of flesh and blood, a walking breathing simulacrum of his living body, still tucked in the bed he¡¯d brought here for this purpose. The spaniel sized spiders quickly descended and cocooned his body safely away in their webs, sipping just a little of his blood, Mana and life force away in exchange. The Necromancer¡¯s ghost walked out into a bustling city of the dead, a ¡®lively¡¯ and chaotic place filled with innumerable souls, all trapped here in his domain. Many were old friends, familiar and comfortable, while most remained a faceless mass of swirling, chaotic, frustrated, trapped souls and fragments of souls. They would occasionally reincarnate spontaneously, but most lingered here, desperate to escape but as thoroughly imprisoned as he remained. Men, women, humans and others, lived their lives among the realms, most knowing only the fraction of the ¡®real¡¯ world that they were born in. All manner of beasts, semi-sentient beings and lower life forms flourished on most of the fractional worlds that encompassed the¡­ whatever they were trapped in. Mortal souls could enter, to be born in the usual way; but on death, they found no exit, no escape back into the endless engine of creation and everything just beyond the tiny pocket dimension they all occupied. Souls could only circulate between these worlds, numerous beyond counting but diminishing in size, scope and stability, the farther one traveled from the more ¡®real¡¯ domains. He called on his most widely traveled shades: a collection of ragged, half mad haunts who had been across the void while living on multiple occasions and had left their footprints on many worlds. They swirled around him, unwilling to venture into the endless void again, but able to lead him to and from their scattered, lonely graves through the shared memories of the legion of haunts. They whispered and chattered endlessly in his shadow, as he followed the threads of remnant Will and Animus that tied them to their scattered remains and the worlds they had trod while alive. The poor fools were mostly mad before they died and things hadn¡¯t improved since. Delvers lost on alien worlds, bold explorers, or simply travelers unlucky enough to fall into a void maw, travelers to other realms often died on the foreign soil where they arrived. Such souls still felt the touch of alien lands in their remnant essences and could guide him there and back through the graves of the restless dead. Since all the dead were restless in this ¡®place¡¯ the Necromancer found few domains or ¡®worlds¡¯ barred to him. ¡°All right Sandra, show me the way.¡± He whispered. # Gandree woke up gradually, surrounded by fluffy white pillows and blankets. He stretched, lost in a cloud of luxury, and found Daisybelle snuggled up beside him, wearing only one of his shirts. He knew that, because his hand was resting on her round, squishable little bare bottom, which felt divine. One of her legs was thrown over his hip, which was super distracting. Equally distracting was the scent drifting up from her hair; she smelled of pine needles, forest loam, beeswax, honey and some spicy, faintly herbal perfume that teased and hinted with subtle familiarity. Her big green eyes opened, when Gandree shifted and nudged her someplace tender with the natural result of waking up with a cute, nearly naked girl wrapped around him. She stretched as well, somehow, without releasing her arms from around his neck, which did some things against his body that were really distracting. ¡°Gandree ran away¡­¡± She grumbled sweetly, before latching her teeth onto his earlobe and holding on. ¡°Mine.¡± She grumbled around her mouthful of his lobe. ¡°I got the feeling I wasn¡¯t welcome¡­¡± He thought about shrugging, but her teeth were super sharp; he just grumbled instead. ¡°Some goblin girls don¡¯t like boys at all¡­ Some are territorial, some just think all boys are dumb like goblin men and not worth talking to, except king papa.¡± She sighed into his ear and let go. ¡°Many are scared I¡¯ll get jealous and womp them good for talking to my boy¡­¡± She chuckled darkly and squidged in closer to him. ¡°They¡¯re right.¡± ¡°Daisybelle, I¡¯m only wearing my undershorts¡­¡± He mumbled quietly. ¡°I know¡­ couldn¡¯t steal those from you.¡± She murmured happily, taking a good long sniff of the sweaty shirt he¡¯d been wearing when he fell asleep. ¡°Trying was fun, though. Now shush. Bad weather, this is a spirit storm; best to stay inside or get all ghosty drenched and haunted for a week.¡± She curled right back up against him as the storm lashed at the sturdy roof, clawed at the windows and screamed under the eaves. The thunder almost sounded like deranged laughter, as it echoed around the mountains and lake. # A storm was settling in, a strong one and moving fast. The team hunkered down on a high, barren hillside, with scant protection from the wind, but great sightlines over the local area. Rio and Harry had a theory they wanted to test, when the weather cleared. ¡°Yeah, this storm is largely mundane, but I think magical turbulence in the ether is churning it up and making it stronger.¡± Harry lectured, between thunder cracks. ¡°Heightened ghost activity too.¡± Rio added. ¡°Spiritual and fae beings will be much more active and more¡­ let¡¯s say more physical than usual.¡± He deliberately avoided looking at Ward and his hugging, giggling coat of bugs. The weird being was seated on a chaise lounge in the far corner, watching the proceedings, literally buried in the beautiful, colorful and varied insect forms of his lovely ladies. Mantis, walking sticks, ladybugs, lacewings, dragonflies, water skaters, all manner of forest and arboreal bugs coated him. They swarmed and jostled with each other playfully and tickled the deranged horndog relentlessly, creating an enormous distraction. ¡°Ward¡­ do you have any input on this issue of some importance? Since the matter directly touches your supposed area of expertise¡­?¡± Becky demanded gently. ¡°Hello, ghost and spirit activity, fae beings too?¡± ¡°Yes, marvelous, isn¡¯t it!¡± The smiling demigod chuckled beneath his blanket of lady bugs. ¡°Gods above and below¡­ and in the room.¡± Dannyl sighed tiredly. ¡°He¡¯s useless like this. Button up the house; I¡¯ll try to get them sorted out.¡± The ginger death cultist and god babysitter mumbled. ¡°Ward, ladies, come on¡­ we¡¯re going to take over the master suite¡­ won¡¯t that be fun?¡± He cheered at them as though they were small children, in need of motivation. They replied with moans and groans, cries of I don¡¯t wanna and general sulkiness from the cuddle pile of divine beings. ¡°I have candy!¡± He sang. ¡°Monster bee honey!¡± ¡°Oh, candy!¡± They sang as one; in the rustles, chirps and clicks that were their native speech. Ward staggered upstairs to the big room where Wilf never slept anyway, still completely covered in his clinging, giggling girls. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Lindsey, You get used to it.¡± Benny said quietly. The taciturn heavy fighter shrugged and fell silent once more. # In a high vaulted ritual chamber, a large crystal jar stood inside a series of elegant and beautiful magical circles, inlaid into the polished marble floor in precious metals, or drawn in ground gemstones and rare pigments¡­. all of which had been rudely hacked apart and scuffed. A tiny, nude, male human baby floated in the container, trapped eternally between life and death in a cursed jar wrought with divine magic. The lean ragged form of the Necromancer slouched on a stool before the faintly glowing abomination against nature and humanity and smiled. ¡°It was an outsider, steampunk, zombie slug magic item factory¡­ no, wait.¡± The Necromancer paused to collect his thoughts. ¡°Seriously, give me a break. I have to claw my way up out of my grave to get here.¡± He complained to his brother, the Magician. ¡°It was a steampunk magic item factory that was staffed by outsider slug possessed zombies. Yeah, that¡¯s it.¡± He grinned at the corpse jar and gave him a thumbs up. ¡°Magical item factory?¡± The magician asked, through his voice box. ¡°You found it and destroyed it?¡± ¡°Yeah, it was a whole complex of workshops, they made all kinds of stuff. Weapons, armor, magical doodads and wands. Some pretty weird shit, too.¡± He said with a grin. ¡°There was even a factory dedicated entirely to making cursed underwear and slippers, of all things!¡± ¡°Oh¡­ yes! That was one of my action items, I can scratch that off the list!¡± The Magician sang merrily, which was weird for a floating baby corpse preserved in occult liquor. ¡°I found the FleshSculptor, brother. I tore out her soul and cursed her terribly¡­ for you¡­ and for all the others.¡± He whispered softly. ¡°The man with the borrowed snake took particular delight in ferrying her to the devourer. He didn¡¯t even mind that I kept her consciousness and sewed it into a singing, enchanted rug.¡± ¡°A rug? Really?¡± The magician asked eagerly. ¡°Is it degrading, humiliating and painful?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah. And I sent her as a gift to a complete amoral ass bag that I have big plans for.¡± He said, showing his long, sharp teeth in an inhuman smile. ¡°The Pontiff of Light is hunting for me, while I¡¯m pillaging his outlying holdings. That cesspit was a dead world, so I emptied it entirely.¡± ¡°Good news¡­¡± The Magician sighed wearily. ¡°You didn¡¯t have to come here in person to tell me that.¡± ¡°I may have found someone who can release your bonds, brother.¡± He said even more softly. ¡°They re-worked a broken forbiddance stele in a way that¡­ It¡¯s frankly, beautiful. That¡¯s my only lead and they are in a world that is¡­ inhospitable to my form.¡± ¡°We can¡¯t devote cabal resources to this. We have to press forward with our goal. Perhaps after we expunge the cult of the Light from the realms¡­¡± The undead infant murmured sadly. ¡°This is our first and best clue¡­¡± The Necromancer muttered. ¡°I¡¯d follow it up if I could¡­ perhaps the Hive¡­¡± ¡°I have no direct contact with the Hive. If I did I still wouldn¡¯t ask for their help, not for this. Remember, if our little scheme is successful, the cabal will lose a member; even if it is only me.¡± ¡°Fuck you, asshat.¡± He sighed at his undead, bottled brother. ¡°It could have been any of us, caught in that trap¡­ I¡¯m going to get you out before this is done.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll wait my turn.¡± He answered with finality. ¡°While you¡¯re waiting your turn, I¡¯ll be doing what I can. Now if you¡¯ll excuse me, I have to finish emptying out my shadow¡­¡± The black cloaked man grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m super bloated. Then I¡¯m going to try to find the Hermit or the Star.¡± # ¡°I was never supposed to be a god¡­ or a dryad, at the root of all this, I¡¯m just a mortal man caught up in the weirdest shit ever.¡± Ward failed utterly to explain to Lindsey, in the kitchen that morning. ¡°I won¡¯t explain the gory details, but let¡¯s just say, bad things happened to my soul¡­ a lot. I kinda fractured into an army of me and started haunting myself¡­ Which is an absolutely shitty way to describe it.¡± ¡°Uh, huh¡­¡± The befuddled girl answered, while sliding a frittata into the oven with a pan of biscuits. Ward was on porridge stirring duty, since that was the utter limit of his cooking skills. ¡°Yes, I know how it sounds¡­ but I¡¯m skipping over a whole lot of stuff.¡± The big, unnaturally handsome doppelganger of Barry¡¯s dad complained weakly. The fellow was silly, charming and just a little crazy, but crazy the way harmless eccentrics are mad. He simply didn¡¯t care to conform to anyone¡¯s expectations and enjoyed freaking people out. ¡°Anyway, because there¡¯s so many of us, we kinda all had our own names. There was Dj, Velvet-rope, Pianoman, they were all reflections of him, er¡­ Of me¡­? Of us? Anyway, they weren¡¯t entire people.¡± He still failed completely to enlighten her. ¡°When they got scattered across the vast universe, most became distinct and unique people with their own lives and perspectives and a few of my¡­ our early, formative memories.¡± He mumbled, concentrating on his oatmeal agenda. ¡°A few are more like me, more like him¡­ they all have¡­¡± He sighed and spoke very calmly and clearly. ¡°Do you know tarot cards? The characters of the major and minor arcana?¡± Lindsey gave a non committal shrug. ¡°I¡¯ve played card games and had my fortune told.¡± ¡°Gary is the Hanged Man¡­ and the Fool, the two are the same in him, since he was born twice. It¡¯s complicated, you could say he¡¯s the original, since he¡¯s the most fully real of us all.¡± He smiled a high wattage grin, before getting back to his stirring duty. ¡°Anyway, the others are all out there somewhere, somewhen. Justice, Temperance, the Lovers, the World... They are all out there, even the Devil.¡± ¡°And I suppose you¡¯re Death¡­¡± She asked wryly of the big goofy man. ¡°Oh, no! I¡¯m the god of Death on this world; but really, I¡¯m the Moon. Death¡­ that man is really creepy.¡± Ward sucked his scalded thumb and smiled. ¡°I actually burnt myself a little¡­ That¡¯s fun!¡± ¡°Fun for you¡­¡± Willow complained from the group of assorted dryads descending the stairs into the common room. ¡°My tenders are sore! That never happened before.¡± ¡°I like it.¡± Fig murmured from the corner. ¡°I feel freshly smashed and delightfully wicked.¡± Lindsey¡¯s face turned bright red as she looked away from the pile of nude, beautiful women that were stumbling down the stairs, smiling and stalking her incompetent kitchen helper like hungry cats; and he was covered in catnip and cream. # Blues Traveller Ch: 18 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Blues Traveller Ch: 18 Ghnash woke in the middle of the day, while the ghost storm was still raging. The thunder that woke him came from inside the house, though. He raged a little bit himself, since they knew he was nocturnal; but it must be important if they called him with the drums. He opened the closet and stepped inside, onto his hall of painted bone and rawhide faces. A small crowd of variations on his own face stared back at him from the painted skins. ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± He asked groggily, pawing at his own face and yawning. ¡°Woah! I love the new look, Ghnash!¡± The Tower called out cheerfully from the far corner. ¡°What happened? You find a dentist and a manicurist?¡± ¡°No, I found SpiderBoobs¡­¡± He grumbled. ¡°She¡¯s transformative and jiggly in some really surprising ways. Did you wake me up to ask that?¡± ¡°We wanted you to know, we¡¯re pressing the cult pretty hard, they might get active in your area.¡± The Wheel of Fortune interrupted, rattling so vigorously that he nearly fell off his hook. ¡°We just smushed some. I have prisoners, all cultists and true believers; I have their pet demon trapped in my flute. Send the snake man to me, when you see him next.¡± He yawned. ¡°My princesses are making my life too easy.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I was hoping to ask you about¡­¡± The Chariot whispered eagerly. ¡°I¡¯d like to ask for your help with finding someone, on a primary, closed world.¡± ¡°You know I can¡¯t pass the veil¡­ You want my daughters.¡± He muttered harshly. ¡°They¡¯re brave and fierce¡­ and mine.¡± He answered coldly. ¡°It¡¯s not a hostile world, it¡¯s a peaceful place of men, woodlands and wilderness.¡± Wheel of Fortune began. ¡°All worlds of men are hostile to goblins.¡± He snapped. ¡°My neighbors remain peaceful because they fear me and my daughters¡­ and because they wish to keep our trade.¡± ¡°Temperance¡­ Please, I simply wish their aid in finding a person, a mage artisan of skill and cunning. It may even be one of us.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t call me That! I¡¯m Ghnash¡¯Wharrgh, goblin king and witch of the forests.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Speaking of, I may have just found another of us, perhaps the Prince of Coins? I¡¯m not sure. He¡¯s new and confused. A dwarf¡­ of all things.¡± The king chuckled and smiled without hurting himself, which further improved his mood. ¡°Perhaps he knows something. I will speak to him tonight, though you would still be better off with the Star or the Hermit.¡± ¡°They are both engaged at the moment.¡± Judgment answered sharply. ¡°I go to join them soon.¡± ¡°I wish I could join your battle brothers¡­¡± The king sighed softly. ¡°I must wait for them to come to me. What of the man with the borrowed snake? He is widely traveled in the void.¡± ¡°He appears when and where he can, brothers, he operates under his own strictures and laws.¡± Judgment said firmly. ¡°One of those is secrecy, let us say no more, lest we cause troubles where we need none.¡± # ¡°So this is what you¡¯re doing all day?¡± Amy asked Ward, with deep disapproval in her tone but a twinkle in her eyes. He was in the private bath under the rain tarp, soaking with Willow and a few others, watching the storm slowly blow itself out. Fortunately, the ladies were in their human guises, crafted of glamor and moonlight¡­ mostly. There was still a mantis and a green walking stick floating around limply, looking exhausted. Ward sat there smiling very smugly and nodded. ¡°Yup. This storm is just magical enough that I¡¯m temporarily stuck here in a glamour body¡­ with my fair damsels, who are similarly inconvenienced.¡± He smiled widely and chuckled as if at a private joke. ¡°This is only a fraction of me though. We¡¯re all multifarious and deeply mysterious; I¡¯m still up to no good elsewhere in the vast and unguessable expanse of everything, as are my sweet leafy ladies.¡± He sighed. ¡°Where¡¯s Fig hiding, uncle pervert?¡± Becky asked sweetly, while throwing a wet sponge at his smiling face. It splattered across his wide, innocent eyes and fell off into the pool; leaving the grinning demigod unperturbed. A moment later, the floating sponge rose up from the water¡¯s surface, atop the dark haired scalp of Fig, as she emerged from the depths, smiling sweetly and licking her perfect, pink lips. ¡°That¡¯s despicable, just because you aren¡¯t mortal anymore doesn¡¯t mean you get to be gross.¡± Amy sighed at her incorrigible uncle and wicked auntie Fig; who answered with only the wide, glorious smile on her chubby cheeks. ¡°Give it up, girls. As spiritual beings, they are probably pretty high right now.¡± Harry muttered from the covered porch. ¡°The magical frequencies roiling in this storm are very life affirming and¡­ procreative. Our living auras block most of it out, but every tree this wind blows through is going to get its leaves rustled. We¡¯re in a heavily cultivated and forested valley¡­ So many orchards.¡± ¡°So, they¡¯re going to be like this for a while?¡± Amy asked, while trying to not notice what was going on in the dryad corner of the bath. ¡°For as long as we can manage¡­¡± Fig cheered from the front of the latest flotilla of dryads, as they maneuvered to sink the Hms Ward, with their bountiful charms. ¡°Run along¡­ We¡¯re about to¡­ start discussing high level, divine business, kids¡­¡± Ward lied; and poorly at that. # Daisybelle watched the boy cook in his kitchen, dealing with the oversized stove and weirdly shaped furniture as best he could. He moved through the space with long familiarity, working with smooth and careful precision, much the way he played his toilet shovel. He was just finishing up and setting a vast feast on the too tall dining table of the strange, giant sized, but otherwise beautiful house, when a knock at the door interrupted them. ¡°King papa! Welcome!¡± She chirped and chittered, while dragging her father inside, just a moment after the boy answered the door. The king gawped at the place for a few seconds, taking in the sleek, well crafted lines of the place and the real glass windows. Colorful paper lanterns glowed from the rafters and everything felt welcoming, natural and sublimely comfortable¡­ with a few exceptions of note. ¡°Too-tall furniture¡­¡± He complained when he joined them at the table, hopping up onto one of the absurd chairs. They were comfy, as long as a gobb didn¡¯t mind his feet swinging free above the floor. The meal set on the table was a different matter entirely. There were meat pies, loaves of crusty bread, a bright yellow, spicy vegetable stew and bowls of steaming white rice. A salad bowl of mountain herbs, quartered tomatoes and shredded cabbage dressed with sweet, slightly tangy and salty condiment sat beside a heap of glistening white steamed buns that smelled of barbecue pork and sweet spices. ¡°Gandree¡¯s making dwarf foods!¡± She cheered merrily. ¡°It¡¯s tasty, but weird! Sal-ad with sweet miso dressing? The bread has meat inside!¡± ¡°Actually, most of these are human dishes¡­ dwarf cuisine begins and ends at meat pies.¡± He sighed happily. ¡°The clanlord and craft masters made me their full time cook, but would never try any of these things. Just pasties and meat pies, the buncha boring empty beards¡­¡± His voice fell to a soft grumble at the end, as he contemplated the past. ¡°Rice¡­ pork buns¡­ a salad? Maybe I will take him away from you Daze¡­¡± The king muttered, as he began filling a plate from the table¡¯s bounty. ¡°We can¡¯t even get rice from the human town!¡± ¡°Gandree boy is from the old mountain pass gate. We came from the other side.¡± Daisy mumbled around a mouthful of fluffy, white, pork bun. ¡°This is good!¡± ¡°You came through? Through the void maw?¡± The king asked calmly, but with a suddenly keen gleam in his eyes. ¡°Uh, the awful dark place with chattering, whispering voices of madness and the ever watchful, eternal cloud of ominous, eldritch vapor¡­?¡± Gandree asked quietly. ¡°Yup. That¡¯s it!¡± Daze cheered, while tearing into a beef and onion pie. ¡°Spooky, but not too spooky.¡± ¡°Spooky enough¡­¡± The dwarf grumbled sourly. ¡°Didn¡¯t even warn me first.¡± ¡°It¡¯s easier that way¡­ The longshanks use silly mushroom drugs and convince themselves it¡¯s all a dream.¡± She sniffed with disdain at the idea. ¡°Humans are silly and ignorant savages.¡± The king agreed heartily. ¡°Adventurers are the worst of the lot. That¡¯s why we have forbiddance spells cast at all the known entrances to our home.¡± He growled softly. ¡°Goblin men are too dumb and cowardly to slip through the void, their animal instincts drive them away even if the entrance isn¡¯t sealed.¡± The king explained between bites. ¡°Ogres and trolls are rather good at sniffing out unblocked voids and slipping through, often with a gang of goblin slaves behind them¡­ Which always brings Adventurers, eventually.¡± He paused and smiled in pure delight. ¡°Nothing tastes like my own blood¡­ Praise to sweet goddess SpiderBoobs, I love having normal teeth!¡± Daisybelle smiled at her gleeful papa and sighed. ¡°Goddess SmielyFace is coming closer to me every night, I feel her approach.¡± The slim and curvacious goblin lass shoveled a huge wedge of golden, crusty goodness into her mouth and almost moaned with pleasure when she learned the joys of a hot, fresh, mountain blueberry pie. ¡°Gandree boy should carve another idol! I wanna kiss her again.¡± ¡°I still have to give that little god his offering¡­¡± The lad mumbled happily from behind a massive plate of his own. ¡°He demanded honeyed dumplings with pistachios, mint tea and almond cakes.¡± He smiled thoughtfully for a moment. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡°Sounds like afternoon tea. I wonder what the spider goddess wants¡­¡± # ¡°Amy! I can¡¯t wear that!¡± Lindsey gasped in shock at the tiny thing her frenemy was threatening her with. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to it at all! What if he saw?!¡± ¡°That¡¯s the trick, let him steal a glimpse of what you¡¯re wearing under there, or better yet; let him get a sneaky feel for what you¡¯re not wearing under there and he will be putty in your hands!¡± Amy gasped delightedly. ¡°Are you¡­¡± She spoke very carefully and earnestly to her weird new confidante, striving for maximum clarity. ¡°Are you trying to convert me to the panty cult?¡± ¡°Oh, sweetie¡­ Thirp kissed you already, she is just waiting for you to be ready for her.¡± The smiling cherub whispered, while holding up the impossibly skimpy strands of lace and silk. ¡°You¡¯re just trying on the cult regalia, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°I find it worrisome that your father made these¡­ garments for me¡­ That is more than a little troubling.¡± Lindsey sighed sadly. ¡°I¡¯m feeling¡­¡± ¡°Pressure?¡± Amy asked, sitting down beside her with the flimsy ¡®undergarments¡¯ on her lap. ¡°No one is seriously going to push you into anything¡­ certainly not my dad.¡± ¡°But he made¡­ those¡­ and all the others¡­ for me, to my exact measures.¡± She sobbed. ¡°That¡¯s terrifying!¡± ¡°Oh, baby!¡± Amy folded the much taller girl into a hug and rocked her a little. ¡°My papa¡¯s cursed, you know? He¡¯s a born artisan and musician; that¡¯s who he is¡­ His curse sets all those things, the things that keep him sane just beyond his reach.¡± ¡°That sounds terrible¡­ is that why he¡¯s so¡­ awful?¡± She sobbed in Amy¡¯s shoulder, snotty and weeping. ¡°I see so much of him in Barry too¡­ and that scares me sometimes.¡± ¡°My dad needs desperately to use those skills, arts and gifts, or he¡¯ll go mad; in order to use his gifts without dying, his familiar has to poison him with her venom¡­ that makes him really loopy and weird. Remember the party?¡± She shushed her sobbing friend gently and rocked the bigger girl for a minute or two before continuing. ¡°Kree¡¯s sting leaves him incredibly open to suggestion and deeply silly, while unleashing his creativity and crafts. He mostly follows the callings of his own subconscious mind, but he has been touched by several gods.¡± ¡°Gods?¡± She moaned. ¡°Him? But he¡¯s terrible and wrong inside!¡± ¡°Dana, the Healer is not one of the deities that have touched him.¡± Amy answered firmly. ¡°She hates him for reasons I can¡¯t explain here. Just accept that and move on.¡± Lindsey burbled something that sounded positive from somewhere in Amy¡¯s soggy and gross shoulder. The smaller girl took that for an answer and continued. ¡°Sometimes, when he¡¯s working in the basement, my papa becomes a vessel for the Will of the gods and does things that he doesn¡¯t fully understand or remember.¡± Amy blushed a little, her dark cheeks purpled as she smiled fondly. ¡°Lady Thip, She Who Spins Between Worlds, is really a close friend, like super close. He makes my undies too; and when Thirp is too near, things get decidedly sexy.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to ask¡­¡± Lindsey whispered. ¡°I mean, yours are the same¡­¡± ¡°Papa gets super embarrassed when he does my laundry.¡± She giggled, drawing a soft chuckle from her bosom buddy. ¡°It¡¯s hilarious ¡®cause deep inside, he¡¯s a complete prude.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She asked softly, from the stained shoulder of what had been a nice cotton shift. ¡°He¡¯s not a crazy sexpest¡­?¡± ¡°Not unless you¡¯re my mom¡­ Those two are disgusting together.¡± Amy sighed fondly. ¡°I wanna find what they have; someday¡­ Like you might have just found, sister.¡± Lindsey blushed and started squirming in Amy¡¯s embrace. ¡°We¡¯ve only just met¡­¡± She sputtered. ¡°I don¡¯t even hardly know him¡­¡± ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± Amy murmured. ¡°What does your horsie think? He¡¯s a part of you and knows you better than you know yourself.¡± ¡°Flash? He loves all of you Wards¡­ even the tall, scary man in black!¡± Lindsey mumbled, as she wriggled out of her soggy, tearstained shift. ¡°Ward is a special case¡­¡± Amy murmured. ¡°He is a crazy sexpest, but only when it comes to immortals. He¡¯s awfully shy when he¡¯s on his own; it¡¯s almost sad how awkward and hopeless he is without one of us nearby.¡± Lindsey fell silent just long enough for the exuberant giggling, splashing and Ward¡¯s voice, from the baths outside to be heard over the slowly dying storm. ¡°...Wait, let¡¯s try that again but this time I¡¯ll use my thumb to¡­¡± Amy took up her guitar and began to strum something soft and moody, while Lindsey smiled smugly at her. ¡°Yes, he sounds terribly shy.¡± ¡°Yes, he really is¡­ but sometimes we find ourselves outside our comfort zone as if drawn there by magic.¡± Amy said, sounding rather smug herself. ¡°Kinda like the way you dressed your own sweet self up in that little outfit¡­¡± She giggled. ¡°Take a spin so I can admire the effect.¡± The poor girl looked down at her body and blushed several colors, from several locations at once. Pale pink lace and tiny blue roses hid almost nothing, while silk and soft satin caressed¡­ everything in a way that was almost intolerably sexy. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you bewitched me into wearing¡­ this!¡± ¡°Honey, no one bewitched you into anything.¡± Amy cooed softly. ¡°Flash would warn you if something was encroaching on your personal autonomy¡­ mostly. Eponna is rooting for you two as well.¡± ¡°Oh, gods and spirits¡­¡± The poor girl sighed as she wriggled into a shimmering silk blouse of pale blue-gray and matching pants that were so well tailored in the seat that she felt wickedly and delightfully exposed¡­ The outfit definitely suggested she was wearing nothing at all underneath that thin layer of smooth, shining silk¡­ ¡°Now, go bump into Barry in the stable. He¡¯s been hanging out there a lot. Put on this raincoat first, though, this is a precision weapon, don¡¯t waste this on leering rubes and jackanapes.¡± Amy whispered gently, while leering at her like a rube and rubbernecking like a jackanape. The poor girl escaped from the clutches of Amy the dress-up tyrant and staggered downstairs. She barely noticed that Barry¡¯s tall, absurdly handsome ¡®uncle Ward¡¯ had set up with his guitar on the low stage in Wilf¡¯s common room; with six beautiful, nearly nude dryads holding musical instruments backing him. ¡°Tonight, we let it all hang out.¡± He spoke firmly, calmly and with solemn dignity, while his giggly backing band started playing. Lindsey slipped into her boots in the foyer and just tucked the laces inside, rather than tying them; she was just slipping out to the stable for a moment or two¡­ # Gandree wasn¡¯t sure how he wound up in the bath with the king that evening¡­ And with princess Daisybelle; who still insisted on being right up against his side at all times. ¡°So, there¡¯s copies of me, all over the place?¡± The dwarf lad stammered and sputtered. ¡°Nope, we¡¯re not copies of you; we all came from a single person, who was simultaneously lots and lots of people¡­ until he burst and we scattered everywhere. Some of us look different, many of us are different races. A couple of us are even girls¡­¡± He licked his lips at that thought, while Gandree tried to think about anything but that idea. ¡°Just think of us as brothers and sisters¡­ Kinda, but not really. Like, how I¡¯m a goblin, while you¡¯re a dwarf, but you feel it; we¡¯re kin.¡± The king smiled at Daisybelle and shook his head. ¡°But we¡¯re not even a little bit related by blood, sweet Daze.¡± ¡°So what does that mean?¡± The young dwarf asked quietly. ¡°It means you¡¯re a member of the family. Some of us are close; we help each other with things, trade knowledge and goods, while others are less¡­ involved in family affairs.¡± The king sighed and sank lower in the bath. ¡°We have enemies out there and we have friends, but mostly we just live our lives.¡± Daisybelle sniffed at her father in disbelief. ¡°Stupid Light cult¡­ We¡¯re at war with those losers.¡± Her grip on Gandree¡¯s arm tightened, bringing her boobs right in and trapping his hand between her thighs, under the surface. ¡°We¡¯re goblins, baby. Everyone is at war with us, until proven otherwise.¡± Ghnash mumbled quietly. ¡°Some of us are¡­¡± He grimaced and shook his head. ¡°Some of us are less than welcome in polite company; just because of what we are. Goblins have a bad reputation in general and locally we¡¯re a sick joke¡­ Crazed cannibal horndogs; nobody wants us nearby. Brother Chariot and the poor Magician have it even worse than I do.¡± He sighed gustily and grimaced. ¡°Humans are often super bigoted and quick to attack anything with green skin, scales or fur.¡± ¡°Fur?¡± Gandree asked with interest. ¡°Like the beast folk I met in town?¡± ¡°Yes, like them. Several of us are other than human, though most can pass, one way or another. As a dwarf, you should be fine, mostly.¡± Ghnash grumbled. ¡°You¡¯re tall enough to pass for a short human man; or a human child, if nobody looks too close.¡± ¡°What¡¯s all this, papa? You gots a plan? A plan for my boy?¡± She bristled at the king, her eyes wide and a few teeth on display. ¡°I was hoping to ask you both to do something¡­ Something dangerous and something that is impossible for me.¡± The king hung his head a little and his ears drooped. ¡°One of my brothers, the Magician, he calls himself¡­ He is trapped in torment, between life and death, sealed in an unbreakable curse jar.¡± The king shifted awkwardly and growled. ¡°A jar that no art we know can open, to release his soul into true death. Brother Chariot may have found an artisan mage who is capable of ending this curse, but he cannot enter that one¡¯s realm to seek this mage¡¯s aid.¡± ¡°Chariot? Magician?¡± Gandree asked in confusion. ¡°Many of us have nearly complete memories of our lives on at least one other world; fractions of that strange man¡¯s life transplanted into our Minds and souls. Each of us is quite different and slightly¡­¡± ¡°Mad.¡± Daisybelle offered helpfully. ¡°They are all a little bonkers and name themselves after playing cards, cause it gets too confusing.¡± She chattered her teeth at the king, showing him who was boss under her roof. ¡°Papa is Temperance, He throws strong mojo and can steal the souls of demons with his arts¡­ He¡¯s only able to do what he does, because he restrains his babymaker by the force of his Will and Mind, that¡¯s the secret source of his mojo!¡± ¡°Sweetie, I told you before, it¡¯s not just the babymaker. My violent, predatory and dominance drives are also deeply overwrought and require¡­¡± Daisybelle was smiling blandly, suggesting she believed none of what he was saying. ¡°Nevermind.¡± The disgruntled king turned back to the dwarf. ¡°Anyway, those of us with more complete memories also have certain advantages, gifts¡­ and sometimes powers that set us apart.¡± ¡°You think I might have some power you don¡¯t have?¡± He asked carefully. ¡°That I¡¯m some kind of wizard?¡± ¡°Nope. If power and magic are the answer, I have that covered.¡± The king answered with a grin. ¡°I¡¯m the wicked goblin witch king for a whole raft of scary and dangerous reasons¡­¡± He chuckled darkly. ¡°So what do you need from me?¡± Gandree asked patiently. ¡°You can move among humans more easily and you can do one thing I can¡¯t. A thing most of us can¡¯t; especially the most powerful of us, like me.¡± He grinned happily at the boy. ¡°You can enter one of the prime worlds.¡± ¡°What?¡± Gandree and Daisybelle asked together. ¡°Like me, Chariot is not a human, nor is he a goblin. He is a being of shadow, wings and scales, in his native form. On worlds like ours; and yours, he is a mighty dragon of shadow and night. A terrifying force of nature, to whom all mortal ghosts and shades must bow.¡± the king chuckled darkly. ¡°On that prime world, he is little more than a mortal man¡¯s ghost and a cold wind.¡± ¡°And you think I can go there?¡± Gandree asked nervously. ¡°You are a mortal of flesh and blood, your soul and gifts are extraordinary, but your flesh is very mortal and alive.¡± The king didn¡¯t clarify at all. ¡°When we fall to the land and manifest, we spontaneously create a body for ourselves, largely based on the body of the human Gary Ward who died to spawn us all; but with adaptations to better fit in with local conditions.¡± He waved his hands up and down his own green skinned form and smiled. ¡°You arrived in goblin territory¡­¡± Gandee mumbled. ¡°Because I ¡®landed¡¯ near dwarfhold, I¡¯m a dwarf?¡± Ghnash grinned at the dwarf and nodded. ¡°We generally take on the form of the local sentient species and create ourselves by pure instinct. Our original was male, so we are almost all male, he was larger than average, so are most of us. He was a musician and craftsman, so are many of us¡­ You see where this is going, right?¡± He asked patiently. ¡°I fell to earth in this valley of goblin men and became.. This. I also took on some of the goblin¡¯s curse, I suppose¡­ that explains the teeth.¡± He smiled ruefully. ¡°That means I can¡¯t cross the veil without losing my mind and becoming a raging mess of hormonal¡­ goblin. You won¡¯t have that problem at all. Brother Chariot says the place is on the edge of a civilized land of men.¡± ¡°And then what?¡± Gandree asked nervously. ¡°Find this scholar, mage, wizard or artisan and ask for their help¡­¡± He shrugged helplessly. ¡°Gold we have, also silver, jewels and precious things¡­ We will pay any price to let our brother die at last. I won¡¯t press you on this. If you wish to consider for a while and learn more about the wider world with us, that is also splendid.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll consider it, papa. I feel something in the wind¡­ not just the storm.¡± Daisybelle announced firmly. ¡°He¡¯s mine, not yours. If he travels the ways again it will be with my pack.¡± ¡°I get a say in this too, Daze¡­¡± Both dwarf and king said, in perfect harmony. Hey, we¡¯re in perfect harmony¡­ They sang to each other, in perfect harmony, with a little less amusement on their faces¡­ The king locked eyes with the dwarf lad and sang: Palomar, shalomar, Swanee-shore¡­ Let me dig that jive once more¡­ Once more the two were in sync, scatting a song unknown on this world, on pitch and in rhythm together. ¡°There¡¯s Something In The Air Tonight¡­¡± Daisybelle muttered, while wondering at her own odd inflection and choice of words. # Barry bumped into Lindsey as he was coming in from the stables. He¡¯d needed some alone time in a quiet place to reflect and clear his mind¡­ Grooming Flash really helped with that. ¡°Oh, excuse me!¡± They sang in harmony, while twirling around each other in the foyer. ¡°Flash said you were looking for me¡­¡± They both crooned, swaying to the melody coming from the common room as they spoke together. Flash¡­ that rascal! That horse is an¡­ Idiot! With a conscious effort, they stopped singing their own variation on the theme to an awful and cheesy ¡®Flash Gordon¡¯ entertainment Barry vaguely recalled from hazy, distant memories of the past. ¡°What is that?¡± Lindsey whispered, her fingers to her lips, once they were free of the effect. ¡°Uncle Ward has a gift like my dad¡¯s, it makes people, just kinda¡­ groove. It¡¯s harmless and fun, like riding tandem on a bike, just let your control slip and follow the groove.¡± Barry was smiling and swaying again, popping his hip as the music wandered into a more danceable but still very unfamiliar form. ¡°He can¡¯t let this loose anywhere near my pops, cause it¡¯ll literally kill him dead, but it¡¯s super fun for everyone else.¡± Bary smiled a wide and honest grin while holding out his hands to help with her raincoat. ¡°Stick around, we¡¯ll have a dance.¡± Lost in the moment, the music and the boy¡¯s smile, Lindsey shucked her overcoat of waxed and oiled canvas, revealing the smooth, sleek, silken sheath she had been poured into by that dastardly wench. Shiny, slick and smooth blue-gray silk offset her gray eyes, pale skin and dark brown hair, while clinging to her slim, leggy shape in ways almost improper for public view¡­ ¡°Oh yes! That¡¯s the stuff, girl!¡± Fig catcalled from behind the drums, punctuating her cry with a roll and a rimshot. ¡°Close your mouths boys, you¡¯ll draw flies.¡± She commanded, while her five giggling sisters struck up a tune behind Ward, following his guitar into a rolling, bluesy thing that could go all night. # Heartbreak Hotel Ch: 19 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Heartbreak Hotel Ch: 19 ¡°We¡¯re in a complicated position here¡­¡± The king explained in the steamy pool, as they soaked in the strange atmosphere that the storm had developed as it wound down. The wind moaned in the trees almost passionately, as the clouds thinned and stars began peeking out through the ragged shreds of vapor and mist. ¡°There are no active gods here; on any of these realms, really. Only the prime worlds, the ones closest to the center are touched by the gods that rule this slice of reality; perhaps only the true world feels their gaze, I don¡¯t know.¡± He sighed softly and smiled. ¡°Spirits we have and demons¡­ but no gods; until now!¡± Ghnash grinned happily with his shiny new teeth and nodded. ¡°I feel goddess SpiderBoobs in you, her kiss grows inside your souls. Soon she will touch others, she whispers that SmartyPants, SmileyFace and others will come here soon.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the difference between gods, spirits and whatnot?¡± Gandree asked quietly. ¡°The clan cared only about crafts and mining.¡± He shrugged at the father and daughter in his bath and grinned. ¡°Though, they didn¡¯t really bother to teach me anything about the outside world¡­ I never even saw the human traders that came to the hold. One of the masters always hauled me down into the deepest tunnels on market days.¡± ¡°Stupid¡­wretched beardos.¡± The king grumbled before beginning his lecture. ¡°All living beings have some sort of spirit, whether it be a slime mold, deer, human, or even a more advanced being, like a goblin.¡± He grinned and gave a soft chuckle. ¡°A mortal spirit leaves the body when it dies and lingers on as a remnant; a shade of Will and Mind. Such haunts cause little trouble and will drift away eventually; most living people cannot even see them. Mortal ghosts and shades are everywhere, all the time.¡± ¡°Creepy.¡± Gandree answered calmly. ¡°So gods, demons and spirits, what¡¯s the difference?¡± ¡°There are spirits of the land, spirits of trees, waters and stones, all around us at all times, but they are sleepy and resist interacting with the swift lives of mortals¡­¡± He smiled and nodded. ¡°Witches, mages and the wise can call on ghosts and the spirits of the land, sky and water for aid, or rouse their fury against foes; while the unwise find their rage turned on the one who awakens them for foolish or wicked ends¡­¡± ¡°Like the demon your ghosts devoured?¡± The dwarf asked. ¡°No, no! Not devoured, torn apart.¡± The king clarified gently. ¡°My ghosts tore him to shreds and stole away his soul, it¡¯s locked in my flute! A friend will take him away soon; while I use what¡¯s left to make a new weapon for my brothers¡¯ war on the Light cult.¡± He cackled madly at the sky for a few seconds. ¡°Papa... go on.¡± Daisybelle murmured from under Gandree¡¯s arm. ¡°Yes, dear. So, anyway; gods are a normal expression of a community of living souls. They appear naturally, with the development of culture and language.¡± The king grinned and shrugged. ¡°This world and so many others broke off from the prime world or worlds after the gods formed, as a result of some catastrophe¡­ None know what it was or why. Because of this, we lack a fully formed etheric veil of our own, existing inside the aegis of the prime worlds, but set apart and hidden.¡± ¡°So why don¡¯t the gods come here?¡± The dwarf asked. ¡°And how did, Cowl¡­ Goddess SmileyFace, touch my soul? I never left Dwarfhold.¡± ¡°Gods, ghosts and outsiders may not pass the void maws; save inside the protective Animus and aura of a living person.¡± Ghnash chuckled happily and splashed with barely restrained Joy. ¡°The man we were¡­ shattered from, had little love for most gods and did not trust them; only a few could touch him directly. Somehow, you took a piece of goddess Smileyface with you through the void¡­ By good fortune you arrived with a divine Contract already touching your soul!¡± He crowed and chittered at the starry sky above. ¡°That you shared her with my Daisybelle is enough to earn you my thanks. Then you shared her with me¡­¡± The king¡¯s smile widened Gandree too, stared up at the sky above, through drifting shreds of windblown clouds. ¡°Gods attain sentience and gain power and reach through the expansion and development of their adherents.¡±The king continued. ¡°The Magician knows more, but you are not ready to meet him, so you must suffer my tutelage.¡± His wicked chuckle and grin were oddly soothing. The warm cozy girl snuggled close beside him and the three enormous wolfhounds sprawled around the bath helped too. ¡°So that covers ghosts, spirits and gods¡­ You mentioned outsiders and demons.¡± ¡°Outsiders are just living souls; full souls that somehow achieved sentience in the void between worlds or escaped their mortal flesh intact, to dwell forever in the limitless ether.¡± He shrugged his muscular green shoulders and smiled weakly. ¡°Some are benign, others are deeply alien but without malice, or simply curious; those may peek into the mortal realm, or even meddle slightly for their own goals, interests and such¡­¡± He shrugged indifferently, then frowned. ¡°A few are wicked, pernicious and troublesome. Those we call demons. They are a blight on all realms; always they are cruel, mad or simply indifferent to mortal suffering. Demons toy with mortal sentients and disport themselves in the world for their own reasons.¡± ¡°How do you tell the difference?¡± Gandree asked quietly. ¡°Demons, like spirits and gods, must act through mortal agents. Gods and spirits do this through cults and social rituals, drawing the faithful towards their goals through influence and by granting miracles or magic to the faithful.¡± The king glared up at the sky for a moment or two. ¡°Not that all gods are so benign and benevolent¡­ Some are as wicked and vile as can be. Others are only gods by their own assertion, like the cult of ¡®Light¡¯. They worship an outsider demon of starlight and illusion as their goddess, ¡®Light¡¯ rather than the spirit Light, who cannot see into this realm.¡± He sorted furiously at the vast, star speckled sky. ¡°So a demon or outsider can pretend to be a god? How do you know the difference?¡± Gandree wondered aloud. ¡°Outsiders and demons use their cults to gain access to mortal bodies, to inhabit those mortal bodies through various, generally unclean methods, that they might directly interact with the mortal realms.¡± The king answered firmly. ¡°True gods need not your body, they may ask for a physical act from their adherents, but such are mortal choices. No god can truly inhibit a mortal body without that being¡¯s express and conscious will, and then only for the barest instant.¡± He chuckled darkly. ¡°Only a mortal being of terrifying power, lingering on the very precipice of life, death and madness could allow such a thing to happen. Mortal flesh cannot contain even a fraction of the divine.¡± ¡°But you said the goddess is inside me¡­?¡± He asked the king, carefully. ¡°No, boy, she touched your soul and left her mark on you¡­ A mortal body truly inhabited by a god would erupt into a soft breeze and a cloud of dust too fine to be seen with mortal eyes in a few scant heartbeats.¡± Ghnash sighed happily. ¡°Your SmileyFace, SpiderBoobs and others are gods and goddesses... I smell them on you¡­ And I want more of them in my realm. Did any of them tell you what they needed to enter this world?¡± ¡°SmartyPants says he wants dumplings, tea and cookies!¡± Daisybelle cheered. ¡°Snacktime, Gandree boy!¡± # ¡°Hey, Rio¡­ Do the thing¡­!¡± Ward cried, as Alder and Hazel joined in on congas taken from the kid¡¯s collection of instruments. ¡°Come on¡­ you know you wanna!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not supposed to¡­¡± The tall lad mumbled awkwardly. ¡°We have new people around.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be a baby, Lindsey¡¯s fine.¡± Ward urged him, with a wink at the lanky, deeply embarrassed girl. ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡± She asked Barry, swaying in his arms to the music, no longer caring how she was dressed, as long as he held her that way. ¡°Rio has a gift that he also hasn¡¯t been able to use for a long time.¡± Barry whispered. ¡°He used to call forth musicians from the distant past to play with us, but that ability was sealed away when papa got cursed.¡± He shrugged happily. ¡°We¡­ had a weird dream; after that, the gift re-awakened in him¡­ These shades already haunt us anyway, so it¡¯s just good clean fun.¡± ¡°G-G-Ghosts?¡± She stammered. ¡°Yeah, but the least scary ghosts ever¡­ there is one my mom has always been terrified of, though. I kinda wanna see him, since she¡¯s not around right now.¡± Barry sighed as Rio began thudding along on a heavily decorated pair of small, conjoined drums. ¡°Your mother is afraid of them?¡± Lindsey murmured, growing pale as shadows began to twitch and squirm around the room. She was having trouble reconciling her memory of that fierce, fearless woman and her son¡¯s wild claims. A few seconds later, a portly man wearing a round topped hat and a pencil mustache appeared from a shadow behind the stage. He sat behind the keys of Wilf¡¯s little pianoforte and began driving the music, with an absolutely ecstatic smile on his shadowy, largely indistinct face. ¡°Fats! Welcome back!¡± Amy gasped happily, saluting him with a cheerful riff from her guitar. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°He doesn¡¯t seem scary¡­¡± Lindsey sighed at the plump, cheerful shade who was hammering on the keys and grinning around a smoldering paper tube of some herb, clenched between his lips. ¡°Nah, Everybody loves master Waller¡­ I think he¡¯s super cool.¡± Barry whispered as they danced together. ¡°Rio¡­¡± The tall boy wrapped around her called out to his brother, his voice cutting through the mix easily. ¡°Are you Feelin All Right?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ Though, maybe¡­¡± The tall, dark lad called out as the music shifted, becoming more primal, driving and dark. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m Feelin Alright.¡± As Rio spoke, a strange, disheveled man with wild, curly hair and mutton chop whiskers on his cheeks, slipped out of the dark corner behind the stand up bass. He stepped out from Sequoia¡¯s shadow, without interrupting her bass groove. The newcomer seemed to be absolutely drenched in ghost sweat, soaking his thin, white, unpleasantly clingy shirt very unattractively. He stepped to the front of the stage, opened his mouth and began to sing, rich, ragged, desperate cry; a plea cast into a world without compassion. Seems I''ve got to have, a change of scene¡­ Every night I have, The strangest dream! Imprisoned by the way it could have been Left here on my own, Or so it seems; I''ve got to leave before I start to scream But someone locked the door¡­ and took the key! As he sang, the shade began to thrash about, as though experiencing physical torture or suffering a fit of some kind. He flailed and twitched constantly, while the rough, pleading song thundered from his shadowy throat. You''re feelin'' alright? Oh no¡­ I''m not feelin'' too good myself, No, no¡­ ¡°My mom can¡¯t stand to watch Joe Cocker dance¡­ it burns her very soul¡­ He can really sing, though.¡± Barry sighed happily, swaying her in his arms as dryads, demigods and ghosts sang and played all around them. # For some reason, the storm plucked and strummed Shai¡¯s poor ragged husband; battering his soul, tormenting him, until Kree was forced to sting him stupid. He was bleary eyed, goofy and under strict instruction to not play any stringed instruments until his fingertips finished healing. She had him laid out by the fire upstairs under his familiar¡¯s supervision, while she did some work in the basement forge. The sound of his bamboo flute was soothing, transmitted by the little drum on the wall by her forge¡­ He¡¯d made that just for her, before things got bad and three gods vanished from the pantheon. The nifty little enchanted drum would transmit the sound of any instrument he played, down into her forge, so long as he was within a mile or two of the house. It had been a fun trinket, just to make her smile; now it was an early warning device, alerting her if he succumbed to temptation and began playing. Or if he took up an instrument that would damage the new skin on his fingers. She shunted those thoughts aside and fell into the familiar rhythm of the work, invoking her gifts from Brigid, goddess of Hearths and Forges to bless her crafts. The soft susurrus of steel sliding over her polishing stones was soothing, nothing beat a hand polished finish for the keenest edge and smoothest sheen. A yard of gently curved steel sang sweetly against oiled limestone, whispering and sighing under her hands. Any fool could slam a heavy sledge onto a hot ingot of pig iron to impress the rubes with a fashy display of flying, molten iron scale. The real test of a smith was in the finish, fit and function. It was just a scythe blade, a bit of craft to help a neighbor; so she put some fancy little embellishments here and there, where only the user would notice. Nothing ostentatious, she just carved the heads of the handle rivets into sweet little steel roses. At the end, she added a weighted bronze pommel, sculpted in the shape of a little pudgy sparrow, shaped to fit the palm of the hand just so. She giggled at the heirloom quality farm implement and sighed. It was the kind of thing her husband once made, just for the joy of the work and to entertain or delight. Whether a mandolin, enchanted to make a dairyman¡¯s goats dance, or her deadly gravedigging shovel that cut men and monsters as easily as sod, he always surprised her. ¡°Fie¡­ I do hate working wi-out thee by my side¡­¡± She whispered into the forge. Only the interstellar cellar spider could hear her¡­ and she could be relied on to keep secrets. The long legged arachnid rattled softly in the quiet basement, as she began to spin in her web; until, with a soft, crackling pop and a few colorful, magical sparks, she vanished into the ether. # Dana, goddess of Healing, fumed and sulked in the curtained pavilion of golden silk she¡¯d caused to be erected on the eternal meadow, her place of torment. ¡°That filthy, unclean thing has left me trapped like this for¡­ what do they call it, when the sun goes all the way around?¡± She demanded of her underlings. ¡°Years?¡± Ermet, mistress of Herbs asked in genuine confusion. ¡°Or perhaps days? What even is a month? This is so perplexing!¡± ¡°Oh, poor darlings¡­¡± Thirp muttered crossly. ¡°You¡¯ve had an eternity to watch mortals develop and study them; you just never bothered. Now, suddenly you are interested in their doings?¡± ¡°If that is all you¡¯ve come for¡­ Begone, spider!¡± Hygeia shrilled, waving a broom in a manner that suggested she might even try it. ¡°Fools. I come to say this. Settle your accounts soon, Dana. Greater forces than either of us are becoming¡­ annoyed by your antics.¡± Thirp chittered her fangs at them; a habit her goblin king had taught her, it intimidated most beings nicely. Satisfied, she flung a dropline into the sky and clambered up into nowhere, just to show off in front of the imprisoned goddess. Thirp descended into the garden of the Strange High House in the Mist, into the gathered divines of their ¡®Rebel Alliance¡¯. Joy herself lounged on a divan near the pool, draped in a gauzy and filmy wrap and very little else, beyond her ivory mask. ¡°Lady Dana remains intractable, lady Cowl.¡± Thirp skittered nervously, to be addressing the being. She waved one slender hand, in a gesture of utter satisfaction with how things were progressing. The subtle and elegant movement spoke volumes while Cowl remained silent. With that simple wave, she entreated Thirp to speak more casually and placed her at ease in the divine being¡¯s luminous presence. ¡°We will be able to begin spreading to other realms soon, my goblin king will ease that process. He¡¯s rather¡­ intimidating and very persuasive.¡± Thirp sighed with pleasure, as her own aura smoothed out under Joy¡¯s divine gaze and in the radius of her grace. ¡°Marduk is being invoked even as we speak, goddess SmileyFace¡­¡± The divine spider sang happily, teasing the First Divine in a sassy way that surprised them both. Cowl responded by pantomiming enormous boobies at her eight legged junior, as a sigh of delight escaped from behind the mask. ¡°Yes, but I have come to enjoy my SpiderBoob persona more than a little.¡± Thirp cooed, snuggling in beside the elder goddess. Cowl tipped one hand forward and rotated her wrist in a very small gesture that whispered on at great length about how ¡®some gods¡¯ take themselves far too seriously. ¡°I¡¯m so glad we finally got the chance to talk like this.¡± The spider goddess sighed softly. ¡°Now we need to convince the goblin king to start sewing up naughty underwear.¡± # Ticklefoot was relentless¡­ and he was so hungry¡­ so very hungry. He giggled madly while scuttling over a rocky mountain¡¯s brow and into a small rift in the never. He hated passing through the endless nothing and despised traveling hungry, or really doing anything hungry. He wriggled out through the awfully tight gap and into the valley where his Ticklefoot was. His stolen foot¡­ if he could just eat that sweet, sweet foot¡­ He slipped through that narrow aperture and smelled horses¡­ delicious horses and men. With absolute dedication, he clamped his teeth down on his tongue until blood flowed to stifle the terrible tickles as he crept closer. From a rocky cliffside ledge, he looked down on a small herd in a rope corral, huddled close together under a shelter of tarps and newly hewn logs. He grinned a bloody toothed smile around the remains of his tongue when he spotted a tiny blonde human girl child moving around near the edge of the herd. He limbered up his claws and slavered great ropey runnels of drool and blood down his front in anticipation of a rare treat. The ignorant child even wandered out into the dark to stare at the sky and the fast scudding clouds overhead¡­ nearly under his ledge. # A soft, chiming alarm went up in the workshop, over by the cursed spinning wheel and the awful trollfoot ritual circles. ¡°Oh, gods¡­¡± Shai muttered as she checked the long, scraggly toe hair she had floating on a pool of melted troll lard. The clay warming bowl was enchanted to keep the noxious fat at just the right temperature for the unclean divination to work. The follicle end slowly turned in its bowl of rancid liquid, to indicate the other end of the valley, far to the south west. She drew her little bird ocarina out of her Pockets! and began a sprightly tune of warning addressed to Rolf, out at the dungeon entrance site. Her chubby birdie took wing and flew off to sing her song a few dozen miles away, singing merrily through the remains of the storm. # He had it all planned out¡­ He would maul her just a little on his initial pounce, maybe break her legs; then he could carry her off and eat her slowly on some distant hilltop. Not too far away, so the humans could hear her wail and scream¡­ She strolled right into his range while he was planning, so he leapt, unleashing one desperate, hungry giggle as he flew at her¡­ The troll had forgotten a lot of things and had been going through a lot lately¡­ but he was sure he¡¯d jumped on a tiny human girl, not an enormous silver and white unicorn mare, whose gleaming, platinum horn was aimed right for his eyes. # On the wet, windy pass, the Adventurer camp weathered the storm better than anyone expected¡­ Most of the tents had been ¡®borrowed¡¯ from the Wards and seemed improbably stable, durable and waterproof. A few supply crates got soaked, a few tents fell down, someone slipped in slick mud and came up with a sprained ankle. All in all, sir Rolf Belen was satisfied by the state of things; right up ¡®til the chubby little clay bird flew into his tent and began to sing about trouble and trolls. Rolf rang the camp bell, calling the warriors on duty to attend and drawing the eyes of everyone. ¡°We have word that a troll is near¡­ it¡¯s desperate and dangerous, so mind the horses and of course, no wandering alone.¡± The young lord scanned the croup of disheveled and weary warriors. ¡°Has anyone seen Ester?¡± ¡°Out by the corral, chatting with Annie.¡± Master Khan offered from the crowd. ¡°Let¡¯s go check on the herd.¡± The two warriors headed for the sheltered corral and makeshift barn. They were not quite trotting, but they moved much faster than a brisk walk, while keeping their hands near their weapons at all times. Halfway to the corral, they encountered Luna, carrying the blood drenched form of Ester in her arms. ¡°Ghahhh, I shouldn¡¯t have eaten that¡­¡± Ester moaned pitifully from Luna¡¯s embrace. ¡°I used to be a nightmare, sir Rolf! Look at the state of me now! This is your fault! Take responsibility!¡± ¡°I found her near the corral, there was a blood trail leading away; while she seems unharmed, save for being poisoned or sick.¡± The one eyed woman explained weakly. ¡°A troll jumped me¡­ wanted to eat me¡­ me!¡± She moaned. ¡°Naturally I tore out and ate his heart¡­ but I¡¯m not a nightmare anymore! Now I¡¯m sick!¡± She bawled. ¡°I didn¡¯t even get to smush his brains, so he¡¯ll be back, eventually.¡± She squirmed closer to her one eyed mount and sobbed. ¡°Make me some ginger tea, Luna¡­ Annie says that might help. Rolf¡¯s useless in the kitchen.¡± # Ticklefoot staggered off into the night, flexing every muscle in his body constantly to keep his blood moving, while his heart grew back. The horrid unicorn bitch had gutted him and eaten his heart¡­ eaten it while he watched¡­ That was his move! That was almost the most galling part; worse yet, she didn¡¯t even enjoy it. She¡¯d seemed to realize her error halfway through the tough, gristly chunk of meat and began gagging, while he dragged himself away. That journey, trailing his guts across the rough granite slab and prickly pine needles was super memorable. Eventually, he sagged against a scrawny pine tree perched on a high, narrow ledge of cracked stone, waiting and regaining his strength by devouring the needles and eventually the bark of the sickly tree. At last, just as the sun was coming up, he stood, grabbed his tree and began pulling it from the gritty, barren crack in the stone it was rooted in. He could hobble on the smooth trunk ¡®til he got Ticklefoot back¡­ and bash things too! ¡°Smarts! I gots them!¡± He giggled softly as he worked on the tree. With a mighty heave, he wrenched the tree out, as the sound of grating, shifting stone erupted all around. Slowly, so very slowly, his world shifted and began moving downward at a rapidly increasing pace. A moment later, everything became shifting stones and flying boulders. It was that red haired demon¡¯s curse¡­ it had to be. # Gary sat up late, looking out at the forest side of his home; watching the flickering lights of fireflies and the tricky glowbats. Sly predators that used their own flashing bioluminescence to deceive their prey. The small lights danced along the lake edge and among the trees, as life carried on after the storm blew itself out and climbed the far end of the valley. ¡°Gary, are ye coming in?¡± Shai asked from the porch wrapped in a flannel robe. ¡°I slept all day¡­¡± He sighed softly. ¡°I¡¯ll be up for a while. Go on to bed, love.¡± Around midnight, the nocturnal light show slowed down and most of the world got super still and peaceful. Gary was still buzzing and humming inside with little chance of sleeping any time soon. He slipped inside and began the quiet work of innkeeping; folding, fluffing, cleaning and generally keeping an inn... With careful application of his gifts and a little judicious pushing of the limits, he could use some of his old tricks to help with the chores¡­ But really, only if no one was around or awake. The gaze of a sentient being on his tricky uses of shadow and dimension magic made the whole thing vastly more energy intensive. Once, he had enjoyed confounding people with silly displays and foolish tricks, even if it was inefficient and silly; now any real dip in his Mana pool¡¯s level would send him crashing to the floor, vomiting and with a fresh brown load in his shorts. Not cool. ¡°Be careful, boss.¡± Kree muttered from behind his ear, where she liked to perch. ¡°And be quiet, Mariah¡¯s sleeping.¡± ¡°I used to own this inn¡­ now I¡¯m what? The night porter?¡± He whispered to his sassy familiar. ¡°Pfft, third teir bellboy, at best.¡± She mumbled sleepily. ¡°You¡¯ve got no ambition. You¡¯d be fired if the mistress didn¡¯t insist on keeping you around for her devious entertainments.¡± # The Green Manalishi Ch: 20 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance The Green Manalishi Ch: 20 Down in the king¡¯s basement workshop, the dwarf started releasing knotted cords and clamps from his project. Slowly, blocks and forms slipped away; revealing an unfinished guitar body. Glue squeeze out and toolmarks still marred his unfinished instrument, but the shape and joinery seemed just right. He gave it a gentle thump and enjoyed a tight resonant response. No rattles or off tones at all. Gandree wasn¡¯t sure what would result, he was operating on instinct and pure fugue state, giddy willingness to try any damn thing¡­ ¡°Your drum looks funny.¡± Daisybelle offered helpfully. ¡°Uh, huh.¡± He sniffed at the girl, skewering her with a disdainfully raised eyebrow. ¡°This is a Workshop¡­ what craft are you working; to justify your presence and commentary?¡± His goofy grin took the sting out of his words, but Dasiybelle fired back anyway. ¡°Crafts, smafts! This is my home, silly boy. I need no permissions from you!¡± She leaned over and bit his forearm lightly, without getting up from her stool. ¡°Hey! Bad Daze!¡± He scolded her firmly. ¡°Shush boy¡­ you¡¯re salty.¡± She mumbled around her mouthful of his arm, following him as he tried to escape. He didn¡¯t try very hard or for long... ¡°If you¡¯re hungry, I have some things¡­¡± He insisted, while gently, but insistently freeing his arm, at last. ¡°Oh, yes, hungry¡­ and other things too¡­ but hungry.¡± She grumbled, sitting back on her stool. Gandree slipped his guitar body safely away when she wasn¡¯t looking and started fishing out his lunch. Tough, crusty pasties, filled with chunks of salmon and a rich, slightly sweet sauce of lemon, dill and butter, landed beside a jug of cold apple cider. There was a crock of white beans, cooked in a sticky glaze of brown sugar and onions; biscuits and crusty loaves of bread, all stashed away for his journey, still fresh and hot, preserved by the magic of his shadow. ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking, Daze¡­¡± Gandree said, between bites and over her ecstatic moans. ¡°About traveling, seeing things, meeting different peoples¡­¡± ¡°Mmm, Yeah¡­ ¡®sh the best part of traveling!¡± She agreed with her mouth full. ¡°Fish stew in a pie? Genius!¡± ¡°Yeah, I always felt¡­ trapped in Dwarfhold, under the mountain.¡± He continued. ¡°So, are you interested in what he asked?¡± ¡°Can¡¯t travel freely to a land of men¡­ Pointy knives, blood on the ground, much screaming; all because of green skin and human stupids.¡± She replied calmly. ¡°Maybe with my boy along¡­¡± She suggested to Nightshade and Petunia as if arguing with herself. ¡°Yes¡­ With Gandree boy along, we can pull this off! A fine prank indeed!¡± # ¡°I really expected him to come for this thing by now¡­ we may be dealing with a troll of unique mental and spiritual fortitude¡­¡± Pangbourne muttered as he took more notes on the filthy device the horrid foot was clamped into. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve had to replace the feathers a few times. Now I¡¯m brushing it with a stinging nettle every few hours.¡± Gary murmured happily. He sat back and admired his construct of evil and bad intentions. The spinning wheel had fewer feathers now, and little brass clips to make replacements easier and quicker. The potted stinging nettle herb in the window planter was thriving, beside a carefully sculpted poison oak, a poison ivy and a few other forest surprises. ¡°I can see why you would be offended when someone calls you a witch.¡± The older knight complained sourly as he perused the garden box of nasties. ¡°It¡¯s how most people say it. Witchcraft is demanding, subtle and not even a little flashy, but it works wonders, when applied correctly.¡± He shot a significant glance at the shrouded idol in the corner. ¡°Even divines must follow the laws they established; this is a matter of leverage, applied where it will be most effective; combined with an arrogant fool behaving arrogantly, like a fool.¡± ¡°Still¡­¡± Pangbourne muttered sourly. ¡°This would be a lot easier if you could explain the root cause of these troubles. I have difficulty imagining what could have infuriated the goddess Dana, to cause her to behave so.¡± ¡°See? There you go again, assuming that I somehow offended her first¡­ She¡¯s had it in for me since I drew my first breath of this world¡¯s air.¡± He grumbled at the knight. ¡°Miss me with the victim blaming and shaming. My sons did nothing at all to her, beyond being my sons.¡± ¡°So you keep insisting.¡± Sir Frank mumbled distractedly, while thumbing through his copious notes. ¡°Why then is the goddess so furious with you? I see in your record that you did violence during a sacred festival and again¡­ It says here, you struck someone in her very temple¡­¡± ¡°Oh, Yeah. I beat the tar out of a guy for creeping around my little sister in the dark after a wedding. Jeremiah, nice guy. Then I brutally nut punched a War cultist while escaping from her temple cells, where they had locked me up illegally, ¡®by accident¡¯.¡± He sighed happily. ¡°Good times¡­¡± ¡°But that¡¯s not it?¡± Frank insisted. ¡°Violating the peace of her temple isn¡¯t the issue?¡± ¡°Nope. I did the bare minimum violence needed to secure my escape¡­¡± He grinned and buffed his big, hard knuckled hand on his shirt front. ¡°Dana demanded a penance and I served it. We¡¯re square on that score; she already hated my guts before that guy ever got his ball bag tapped.¡± ¡°I begin to wonder less and less, why Dana hates you¡­¡± Pangbourne muttered. ¡°Dude! You¡¯re supposed to be on my side!¡± Gary grumbled. ¡°But you make such strong arguments for the other side¡­¡± He whined just a little. ¡°At least tell me why you faked your death and how you got the authorities to go along with it.¡± ¡°Dude, I didn¡¯t fake my death! Seriously, try listening more and taking fewer notes!¡± The madman complained as he mashed a large quantity of something purplish gray and nasty looking with an enormous mortar and pestle. ¡°It was a pretty traumatic time, so thanks for bringing it up again¡­ and I still can¡¯t tell you anything more. I was dead for five years, then I got better. That¡¯s pretty simple, if I could tell you more I would...¡± He grinned madly and sighed. ¡°It¡¯s a crazy story!¡± He went back to smashing his noisome berries or whatever in his mad kitchen of witchcraft and potions. He poured a stream of thick, barely molten beeswax into a huge wooden trough with his awful smushed stuff and began kneading the mess with his hands. He leaned into his work, folding the stuff together and stretching it in the trough, up to his elbows in viscous violet sludge. ¡°Is that the violet healing unguent? I¡¯ve never seen it made before¡­¡± Pangbourne murmured, trying a different tactic. ¡°I imagined a more sanitary process.¡± ¡°Our production facilities are super hygienic and sanitary, we comply with all the stupid rules¡­¡± He grumbled. ¡°This is strictly for family use, we get the good stuff, with my filthy witchcraft all up and through it.¡± ¡°You claim this is better than the cult of Dana¡¯s product?¡± Frank asked skeptically. ¡°I find that doubtful.¡± ¡°This is the original recipe, fermented duskmoon beans, duskmoon pollen and fresh beeswax, dried and mashed skeeter glands and venom sacks and a bit of magical slime from my friend, Albert the vampiric glowooze.¡± He dipped a bronze ladle into a bubbling clay jar half filled with a deep reddish ooze that smelt of fresh blood. ¡°He¡¯s not exactly stable, or properly alive¡­ as we understand it, so Healer¡¯s cult won¡¯t let us sell this formula to the public.¡± ¡°Because it contains the product of an unknown, undead monster ooze?¡± The older man asked, eyeing the bubbling clay pot suspiciously. ¡°How desperately closed minded of them...¡± ¡°Yup, that¡¯s what it means to be a witch, working with the cruddy animal bits and forest leavings that proper mages and clerics don¡¯t value.¡± He shrugged. ¡°You guys wanna throw pearls in the trash, go ahead. I¡¯ll fish them out and make something pretty, or something pretty awful. That¡¯s why you care what I¡¯m doing or where I go. Cause I get results¡­ Or, at least I did, once upon a time.¡± ¡°Madness¡­.¡± Pangbourne grumbled sourly. ¡°Madness indeed. I survived something impossible by going entirely mad¡­ Then I did something only a madman could; a thing so awful, so unprecedented and so impossible that I¡¯m not allowed to even hint at it to a living mortal. Not even my wife and kids have heard a word of it from me¡­¡± # Lindsey snuggled in closer to Barry in Flash¡¯s cozy new quarters, there was a fold-away bed and a private lavatory for humans; including the horsey equivalent in a discreetly curtained stall of its own. A tiny woodstove kept things warm and cheery, while providing hot water at all times thanks to a water tank built into the back of the firebox. ¡°When did you boys do all this?¡± She asked, gazing all around from the comfy circle of his arms. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°We didn¡¯t do anything. Our house isn¡¯t real; we can manipulate and change it around if no one is looking and we all agree.¡± He utterly failed to explain. ¡°How does that even work?¡± She demanded gently. ¡°Nobody knows. If anyone tries to watch us create it, nothing will appear. The magic just fails completely.¡± He shrugged. ¡°If we disagree fundamentally on what we¡¯re doing, nothing happens, otherwise, it¡¯s a compromise situation.¡± ¡°So all this is made of what? Magic dirt?¡± She asked, running her hands over the sofa beside the stove. ¡°Nope, light, shadows, illusion and Will. A sufficiently powerful Will could break down the walls, disrupt our construct or even banish it.¡± He sighed. ¡°Our dad¡¯s was more like a castle, the way Amy and Rio talk about it. He faced demons from behind his walls¡­ Ours is only as durable as a normal house, if easier to repair. Amy¡¯s and Rio¡¯s are the same, only Wilf¡¯s is different. He¡¯s pretty different overall.¡± ¡°I still haven¡¯t spoken to him. Is he shy?¡± She asked from the sofa, which was super comfy. ¡°Wilf is¡­ quiet. A thinker and planner, like Harry but much more direct and straightforward.¡± Barry murmured as he eased down beside her with an exhausted sigh. ¡°Wilf¡¯s really mellow, mostly¡­ He cares about equality, justice and making things fair, so he has a lot of trouble with the world at large. He doesn¡¯t trust many people and is slow to open up; until you get him on a bike in the woods.¡± ¡°How does all this happen? How are you all like this?¡± She finally just asked it straight out. ¡°It¡¯s simple, really. Larry, Perry and I fell to earth together as two year old babies, when our dad killed a bunch of immortals, then exploded.¡± He paused for a few seconds, letting that soak in slowly. Before she could ask any questions he held up his hand to forestall her. ¡°We don¡¯t know any of the details; beyond that he killed a shitload of immortals and a few gods¡­ like Craft, Order and War. He can¡¯t talk about it at all. The gods gave him a bunch of curses and hexes, when he came back, including a curse of secrecy.¡± ¡°I feel like I¡¯ve heard this before, but it¡¯s just too¡­¡± She fell silent when her horse ambled over and began snuffling at her ear. ¡°Flash says it¡¯s all true¡­ but he¡¯s a horse. He¡¯d sell me out for a handful of sugar cubes and an apple.¡± She yelped when he nipped her ear gently and shoved her onto Barry¡¯s lap with his wide forehead. ¡°My dad says horses are sensitive and wise beings¡­ and that we would all be well served to follow their instructions.¡± Barry opined. ¡°Wasn¡¯t your dad in the stable getting bossed around by the horses, almost every time I saw him?¡± Lindsey demanded. ¡°Uh, yeah. We¡¯re all blessed by Eponna, just like you. We just haven¡¯t Contracted her; cause we¡¯re boycotting all the divines, even the ones we like.¡± He stroked her hair when she settled herself on his shoulder, even though there was some horse snot in there. ¡°You should go back inside, I¡¯ll stay here with Flash¡­ It¡¯s a little crowded in there for me.¡± ¡°I was planning on staying here with Flash¡­ ¡®Cause it¡¯s a little crowded in there for me, too.¡± She murmured. ¡°My pajamas are already here. Stand over there and turn around so I can change.¡± Barry turned bright red and followed her pointing finger, staring into a corner of the ¡®barn¡¯ with nervous dedication, while listening to every rustle and whisper of silk behind him so hard, his ears started to hurt. ¡°You can turn around now, boy.¡± She murmured softly. Lindsey wore a long shirt of pale green silk that fell to her knees, the high collar secured with three big flat bone buttons. It was a proper nightshirt in every way, save that it was so clingy and slick, despite being also loose and voluminous. Her silly, horsey slippers made soft clippity clop sounds when she walked, which made them all smile, including Flash. ¡°Get changed, we¡¯ll have to share the bed I suppose.¡± She sniffed at him in feigned outrage. ¡°No funny business¡­ mind you! I swear, you¡¯ve got some nerve, just assuming like this. I have pajamas for you in the bottom drawer.¡± He opened the lowest drawer of the compact dresser and found a pair of green, drawstring pajama pants, just the pants¡­ ¡°There¡¯s no shirt¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s a small dresser, boy. Cuts had to be made.¡± She answered calmly. ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to look away?¡± He asked weakly. ¡°I¡¯m your team medic and you are still recovering from a dangerous wound¡­ Best I observe closely.¡± She replied. ¡°Follow my instructions; I¡¯m a professional, Barry. And¡­ do a little turn.¡± Barry turned a few new colors under her gentle teasing, before finally sliding into the bed, so perilously close to her. Shiro, Becky¡¯s accursed familiar arrived right on time, slipping between them and curling up with an obnoxiously self-satisfied little meow. # ¡°Daze¡­¡± Gandree asked carefully. ¡°Why are you in my bed?¡± ¡°Mmm¡­ ¡®Cause you¡¯re mine?¡± She asked, as though he were an idiot for asking. ¡°Don¡¯t want you to run away again.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t ¡®run away¡¯ and I¡¯m my own man; not your property, comfy as you may be.¡± He mumbled, while undermining his own argument by snuggling in a little closer. ¡°I showed you to king papa. You¡¯re mine now. No take backs.¡± Daisybelle mumbled and wriggled against him to make her point. ¡°I gotta go on patrol for a few nights. You gotta be good while I¡¯m away. Listen to king papa and no sneaky kissing other girls.¡± She mumbled quietly in his arms. ¡°We ride at full dark and be back in two nights, maybe three. Be a good boy and maybe I¡¯ll bring you a treat.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not one of your dogs, Daisybelle.¡± He sniffed, catching a noseful of her scent from her dark green hair. Redolent of pine sap and forest, sweet spices and a hint of something warm and animal, her scent soothed Gandree as she wriggled against him again. ¡°True, not one of my doggies.¡± She mumbled happily from under his chin. ¡°When I bite you, I don¡¯t get fur in my teeth.¡± With that, she chomped down on his neck and had a gentle gnaw on his throat until she fell asleep. # ¡°We should stay here at least a few days, while I take my measurements and investigate.¡± Harry insisted at breakfast. ¡°The strange visitors in our bath, the storm and the strange sealing stone on this void maw, all point to something unusual happening here.¡± ¡°What have you found so far?¡± Becky asked from behind a coffee mug that dwarfed her. ¡°The etheric veil is more permeable in the local area¡­ Some force set up a resonance between the world we know and the world on the other side of the gate, up on the hill there.¡± Harry eyed the high crevice on the mountainside above them. ¡°Whatever caused it is gone, but echoes remain. I¡¯d like to investigate the phenomenon, while we search the area for other, hidden void maws.¡± ¡°We should investigate the area in detail¡­¡± Wilf agreed readily. ¡°We¡¯ll start by exploring the local game trails!¡± ¡°Trios at minimum. No solo jaunts, no wandering alone. There¡¯s at least most of a troll out there somewhere.¡± Sir Kermal declared firmly. ¡°Where did Ward get off to¡­¡± Kermal blushed when they all started giggling at his choice of words, even his wife and the new girl. ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± He sighed sadly, before bending down and addressing his shadow. ¡°Sasha, be a dear and fly around a bit please¡­ I would like you to look for any magical or spiritual anomalies.¡± ¡°Good idea, uncle Kermie.¡± Amy chirped happily. ¡°Shiro needs a nap before he can do any exploring and sniffing around, he was up all night being the responsible one.¡± She winked at Barry and Lindsey, with Becky and Maya grinning along like idiots behind her. ¡°You guys all suck, just so you know.¡± Barry pointed out, gesturing with a butter coated table knife to make his point abundantly clear. # Gandree pulled himself from the clingy goblin girl around mid morning, feeling too restlessly agitated and finding her too cuddly to safely be awake near. Her grabby little hands wandered in her sleep and made relaxation impossible for a few compelling reasons. Downstairs he found things greatly changed while he slept; the oddly oversized furniture and fixtures were now the proper proportions for sensibly sized people; though the ceilings remained improbably high. He spent an hour in the kitchen, starting up a few things and preparing for the future, before heading down into the basement workshop to start playing with his new ¡®drum¡¯ and ¡®funny shaped whomp¡¯. He whistled a merry tune, while he worked, scraping, sanding, carving and smoothing his work, preparing for the next steps. With exacting measurements and strict calculations, he scored and sawed slots in the fretboard of finely planed ebony. His frets were nearby, waiting¡­ each one a precise and delicate work all its own. The king had been generous, ogre bone was as hard, dense, tough and durable as hammered bronze, without any corrosion issues. The work of carving the nut, saddle and each of the twenty four frets from the stuff had been laborious, gross and stinky, but was so worth it. By the time his belly reminded him of time¡¯s passage he had all the frets seated and clamped down while the glue cured. The body and soundboard were settling into their first coats of lacquer and he had tuning pegs and a bridge of carved ebony set aside, waiting. That was the worst part¡­ the waiting. With nothing more to do for now, Gandree went back upstairs for a fresh cuddle with the sleeping goblin and her wargs. He slipped into the warm, cozy pile and felt¡­ at home for the first time in his life. Third bell was chiming from the not too distant human town, ringing out over the lake, calling him. Gandree left a note on the table, beside a few meat pies and a blueberry cobbler and slipped out the door, headed for town with his flute on his lips. Game trails and narrow footpaths crisscrossed the forest, with the only real thoroughfare being a wide dirt path that occasionally resembled a road, which led from goblin town to the human city by the lake, below the hillside keep. He played along with the forest birds and bugs as he walked the mile and a half to the human town between the lake and the mountainside keep. Orchards and garden plots began a few hundred yards from the city wall, ending in a wide clearing around the gate itself. Two actual roads led away from the city, one up the valley side and around to the northwest and another running down the wide, forested valley to the south. He strolled in through the gate and nodded at the guard, who seemed surprised and alert at his sudden, musical appearance from the goblin woods. ¡°I hope you aren¡¯t looking for trouble in those woods lad.¡± The light armored guard leaned on his spear and peered at him as he approached. ¡°Or are ye traveling? Either way, don¡¯t trouble the goblins of the woods, they are our neighbors and allies, stranger.¡± ¡°No trouble, I¡¯ve just come from goblin town and simply wish to see your city and perhaps trade a bit.¡± He waved his flute and smiled at the enormously tall human. The fellow had to be over five foot seven at least! ¡°Wait¡­ yer one of those dwarf fellas¡­ mountain folk. I never seen one of you before.¡± The guard smiled and got more chatty when he got a better look at the short, solidly built, sandy haired, blue eyed young dwarf. He was dressed in sensible woolen traveling attire of fine make, if unembellished and largely undyed. He wore no armor nor weapons and carried only a flute in one hand and had a strange four stringed shovel instrument slung over his shoulder on a strap of suede wormhide. ¡°What are ye trading, young dwarf?¡± The guard asked, growing suspicious again at his lack of gear and pack animals. ¡°Small jewels, trinkets and ornaments of bone and stone, oddities and little comforts.¡± He held out a small collection of wooden and bone combs and hair brushes he¡¯d created for trade. ¡°Now that is fine¡­ My wife and three daughters do row something awful of a morning for want of such things¡­¡± The guard said with a sly grin. ¡°Perhaps I¡¯ll be doing some trade with you before the others get a crack at them, hmm?¡± Gandree grinned and nodded, producing several more combs and brushes from his voluminous coat pockets, along with a tray of hair ornaments of carved wood and strings of agate beads. Dwarfhold had an insatiable appetite for such things and Daisybelle had swiped several from him already. ¡°The silly boy keeps his hair short, what need have you for a comb?!¡± She sniffed when she¡¯d stolen it from his grooming kit while he shaved. He¡¯d made another to replace it, just because the empty slot in his leather kit annoyed him¡­ and she had liberated that one too. Eventually he just gave in and made several for her and her many sisters and quite a few more for this exact purpose. ¡°A man with a wife and three daughters must do what he can to maintain domestic tranquility¡­¡± The dwarf lad spoke softly to soothe his unsuspecting prey. ¡°I have oak and alder for the value conscious, but for my money, bone is the best by far.¡± He held up a slab of polished beef femur carved into a fine, sturdy and robust comb. ¡°Ebony and rosewood are splendid, if costly¡­¡± He cooed, steering the guardsman back toward his selection of bone combs. # Gandree strolled into the gated town with a wide smile on his face and a small pouch of iron and copper bits on his hip. The guard was grinning as well, he¡¯d insisted on making broad hints as to how richly his wife might reward him for his thoughtful purchases¡­ A suggestion Gandree had somehow planted in the poor man¡¯s mind with just a salacious wink and a knowing nod. The poor boy was confused by the whole exchange, but decided to just go with it. He had vast stores of beef bones from working in Dwarfhold¡¯s kitchens for so long; that was one of the materials he¡¯d always had ready access to, like stone and low value minerals, so he had a lot stowed away in his capacious shadow. Gandree had experimented with his surplus in so many ways, carving, shaping and manipulating crystal, bone and stone in many ways; honing his skills against the day when he would have access to the lumber he craved. He strolled through the town¡¯s market, trading with the barber quite profitably. His pouch was nicely plump by the time he was out of combs and boar bristle hairbrushes. He traded the baker a handful of agate beads for a big sack of fine white flour and a small box of yeast powder, before moving on to his next destination. The lumberman took three dozen finely matched rose quartz beads on a spidersilk strand for a goodly stack of assorted well seasoned wooden slabs and boards. The bargaining had gone on until almost fifth bell, deepening the shadows and drawing evening in closer. Gandree tried to be evasive with his shadow storage gift, but with a significant pile of timber to vanish away, it was being troublesome. The man just wouldn¡¯t look away for long enough for him to stash the stuff. ¡°Perhaps you should get a better look, out in the full sunlight, master Penfold. The stones do sparkle nicely¡­¡± ¡°Where should I have this delivered lad?¡± Master lumberman Penfold asked cheerfully, while admiring his purchase, especially the way it glittered in the sunlight. ¡°No need! I have taken delivery, good sir.¡± Gandree chimed happily as he slipped out of the lumberyard, on his way to the butcher¡¯s stall, then the poulterer. As evening closed in, he strolled out into the woods, strumming his shovulele and feeling good. He had nearly a bronze half mark in loose change and almost everything he¡¯d come looking for, with a few notable exceptions. The humans did no trade at all in monster meat or parts at all, which was odd¡­ When he¡¯d asked the butcher for groundworm, the man had nearly paled in horror. Like the clan lords and upper crust of Dwarfhold, humans held monster meat and leather in very low esteem. His own boots and belt of groundworm leather were considered eccentric and ¡®edgy¡¯ if not downright suspicious. Most folks would happily go forth dressed in rags, rather than in monster leather. Even spidersilk got short shrift in many ways, the men of the town considered it inferior to cotton, wool and linen cloth, despite its sheen, softness and durability; while the ladies seemed to appreciate its smooth, supple and slick attributes¡­ Humans were weird. With those thoughts in mind, he strummed and strolled into the darkening woods, walking by the light of a lingering sunset, filtered through leaves. # When The Day Goes To Sleep Ch: 21 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance When The Day Goes To Sleep Ch: 21 Gandree got home just as Daisybelle and her pack were waking up for the evening. Someone had finished the meal he¡¯d left for them and had drawn a rude picture on the note that he¡¯d left, telling her he¡¯d be back home before full dark. ¡°Daze¡­ is this picture of someone pooping on his own head supposed to be me?¡± He asked carefully. ¡°Cause I¡¯m not nearly that flexible¡­ or creative.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t sell yourself short, Gandree boy. If you work really hard you could poop on your own head someday, just like the man in the picture, who is certainly not you.¡± She answered sweetly, as she buckled her gear onto the wolfhounds and checked her own weapons and armor. ¡°He¡¯s holding a four string shovel and the ¡®work¡¯ is entitled, ¡®The Shy Pooper¡¯...¡± Gandree complained bitterly. ¡°Huh¡­ coincidence, silly boy, just coincidence.¡± She kissed his cheek, swung onto Petunia¡¯s back and vanished out the enormous front door in a swirl of gray and black fur. ¡°I am a shy pooper.¡± He grumbled as she and her pack disappeared into the woods, leaving his new house strangely empty. # Gandree spent time in both goblin town and the human city, exploring, trading in small trinkets, semi precious stones and personal grooming tools. The terrible number of beard combs he¡¯d made, once the damn dwarves realized his knack for working stone, bone and the non ferrous metals had honed those skills to a fine edge. Likewise he¡¯d a knack for sharpening knives and repairing simple tools and machines; trading labor for goods around goblin town brought him a surprising collection of trade goods. Fossilized amber chunks, ammonites, interesting stones, flakes and nuggets of gold and such were the goblin¡¯s local currency, since humans always wanted those things and the goblin girls preferred things over coins. Mornings and evenings he roamed the streets of the human city or goblin town, looking for work, trading or simply amusing himself. Mornings found him in the town of men, selling his combs, brushes and beads to the householders from the deep pockets of his long, undyed canvas coat. Evenings were the busy time in goblin town, as the shifts changed and almost everyone became active at once. Goblin, canine, cat, bat, mustelid and reptile folks all brushed shoulders and exchanged greetings, keeping the little village almost bustling at all hours. Midday and midnight were for working in his shop, slowly bringing his long held dream into reality, one careful stroke of his chisel and one dab of glue at a time. He had other projects clamped up or hanging to cure, a few bone flutes, a number of wooden hoop drums and the beginnings of a wooden pan flute were scattered around the shop. His shovulele got a fresh shovel handle ¡®neck¡¯ of hickory and a new set of ogre bone tuning pegs, nut and bridge. It was still a ¡®shitter digger¡¯ but was nicely resonant and the new handle cleared up an annoying buzz that was just developing, as the old handle started to shrink and get loose. Satisfied with his progress on those side projects, he shifted back to the main event, his guitar. The back and sides were dark, red mahogany, internally braced with his own invention. A network of carefully tuned strands of braided spider silk criss crossed between the back, sides and soundboard, sewing the body into a tight and resonant whole. The soundboard itself was a perfectly matched and balanced construct of cross braced sugar pine that had been slowly oven roasted under a sheet of bronze to prevent warping, completely crystalizing the resins and sap in the bookmatched and carefully joined planks. He¡¯d roasted it so slowly, into a deep, caramel brown shade; creating a panel so light, responsive and reactive it was a little scary. With care, he inserted the three, long bronze rods protruding from his guitar¡¯s ironwood neck and headstock into the complex network of threads. With just a little fiddling, they slotted into and through a bronze internal structure he¡¯d built his wooden construct around. Three threaded bronze sockets received three carefully machined bronze bolts and snuggled into the instrument¡¯s curves holding the tailpiece firmly, exactly as he¡¯d imagined it. With delicate care and constantly shifting from one bolt head to another, he pulled the neck onto the body, joining them together with a final bolt through the shoulder of the instrument and the heel of the neck. It had a handy strap button carved in, just like the center bolt at the tailpiece. It was almost ready¡­ Unadorned and gleaming under so many coats of lacquer, each one carefully buffed to a thin, hard finish that was tough enough to do the job, but flexible enough to resonate. The instrument needed a bridge, strings and just a little more time. He hung it up to get cozy with its new state for a while, the wood and metal parts needed to settle and get to know their new neighborhood, before the next step. Somewhere in his disjointed memories he recalled metal, geared tuning machines; those plans would be a little while in development at this point. He did have a fine set of ogre bone tuning pegs to hold his braided, monster spider silk and groundworm gut strings in tune. The sound of his doorbell roused the tired dwarf from his ruminations on nearly finished projects. He staggered upstairs, red eyed and worn through, finally realizing he¡¯d been at work in the basement for a dozen hours straight. At the door stood the king and Sabrina, unofficial, but totally official queen of the goblin ladies. Ghnash was dressed as a common man, in simple clothing that anyone might wear in town, while Sabrina was in a flowing gown of silvery, undyed spider silk that molded itself to her every supple contour. The long, leggy goblin woman smiled blandly at the dwarf lad and nodded as she followed the king inside for the slipper donning ritual. ¡°We haven¡¯t seen or heard much of you in a couple days, brother. We thought we¡¯d come by, so Sabrina could meet you properly¡­¡± The king said firmly, while holding Sabrina¡¯s hand in a way that suggested she was less than eager to come calling and was bad at hiding it. ¡°I¡¯ve been busy working¡­ and I really don¡¯t know anyone except Your majesty and princess Daisybelle¡­¡± He muttered tiredly. ¡°I have a lot to catch up on and learn about the outside world, your majesties¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m just Ghnash, Gandree; I never wanted to be a king and refuse to be bowed to¡­ Besides, you¡¯re kinda my brother!¡± The king was busy pointing things out to Sabrina, while the talking went on, silently indicating interesting items. He turned to his slinky green mate and hugged her close. ¡°See? We¡¯re a lot alike, the boy and I¡­¡± He winked at her and turned his attention back to the sleepy dwarf. ¡°I know it¡¯s a little late, but we wanted to catch you before Daisybelle gets back.¡± He reached into his cloak, and then deeper into his shadow and produced his flute of ornamented troll bone, inlaid with celestial bodies and intricate constellations. ¡°How about a quick jam sesh?¡± Before the king¡¯s question finished crossing the room, Gandree had his bronze and brass flute out and was tuning and warming it up. ¡°Nice¡­¡± Ghnash muttered, admiring the instrument¡¯s complex keys and levers, compared to his relatively simple bass flute of pale yellow troll bone and its bronze rimmed finger holes. ¡°I should copy that lever system of yours¡­ I could get another octave out of her.¡± He grinned sheepishly at his new friend. ¡°It¡¯s all thanks to you and SpiderBoobs; I had fangs and claws before¡­ made complex fingerings and a good embrasure difficult. Swabbing the blood from the bore was always awful too. Now it just gets filled with clean, honest goblin drool.¡± ¡°Enough talking, Ghnash. Let¡¯s swing.¡± Gandree dipped right into the melody of ¡®Autumn Leaves¡¯, giving his new brother plenty of space to slip into the groove. The king giggled just a little madly, as he dove in on his low, mellow flute, the warm rich sound lifting the dwarf¡¯s instrument even higher. Swift, crisp and staccato percussion joined their play, snapping from the castanets and finger bells of Sabrina, who slowly danced and clicked a counter rhythm as she swayed. Music drifted up from the little house by the rushing river, above the lake. It carried on for a few hours, until the dwarf stumbled up to bed, leaving his royal guests curled up on the couch, watching the sun rise. # Count Liam toured the camp one last time before departing with the dawn supply run, to resume his tiresome duties in the castle. The place was as orderly as one could hope after a storm in the mountains; the company even turned out to see him off. The count pranced through the main parade ground, riding Audrey in his full regalia, and brandishing his spear¡­ just to give them a show. Even after all these years, the lion armor, his shining spear and cloak of falling silver leaves was still a grand spectacle, whenever he put it all on. Even his most superstitious and smooth brained vassals knew he wasn¡¯t really a hero of legend reborn! Sure, he hung out with the dryads and spirits of the forest; of course any horse would answer his call, even the wild mustangs of the hills¡­ That didn¡¯t mean anything¡­ It was all simply a coincidence. Count Liam Kinnis, the orphan lord of a long forgotten realm, was more interested in building his domain and creating opportunities for his people. Others could spend time and energy worrying about the glories of the distant past; he had a son on the way and a future to look forward to. Liam sharpened up as they rode out of camp; briefly reflecting on the many stories he¡¯d read in his friend¡¯s memories¡­ Many of which involved characters thinking just such thoughts before a grisly fate befell them. That heightened alertness served him well, as a rockslide just a little way down the mountain spooked a few of the wagon horses. He cooed, petted and soothed the beasts quickly, preventing a runaway or two and perhaps saving the cart drivers from a harrowing experience. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. The roar and rumble almost sounded like there was a feral scream of frustration and anger mixed in among the grinding of stones that tumbled into a narrow defile below their road. As the supply wagons rolled by, Liam glanced down into the narrow gorge the rockslide had slipped down; streaks of red on the stones piqued his interest. ¡°Are there known iron deposits in these mountains? That looks promising; it¡¯s so red, it almost looks like blood on the stones.¡± He mused to himself as they rode on. # ¡°Sweep right! Push them harder!¡± Blair shouted, directing the Hermit¡¯s monks, as they moved in a tight formation. Their bronze shod staves stood ready, wielded by men and women in brightly colored robes, trooping down from the hills on the flank of the armored force on the road. The small army briefly rallied under a white banner bearing a golden sun disk and tried to wheel to face the new threat, looming from the early morning mist. The Star and his team were already pressing hard, driving them back into the pass and breaking the cult¡¯s heavy foot into bite sized pieces with their hurled spells and empowered weapons. A Terrifyingly large, disembodied, mail gauntleted human hand crawled like an elephant sized spider across the field, flicking foes aside as it capered. A mad archer stood atop the hand, flinging arrows of spiritual fire from a bow of flickering shadow, smoke and flame. He danced and sang with glee, taunting his foes between shots; despite all the other troubles those unfortunates already had to worry about. A vast swarm of flitting, stinging wasps harassed and annoyed the cult of Light formation, acting as though under a singular, malign Will. They swarmed most fiercely around a tall man in yellow and black mail, slashing and stabbing his foes when the opportunities appeared. A dozen man sized, yellow and black insects hovered and swooped erratically above the Hive, creating those openings with regularity, when they weren¡¯t slashing and stabbing their foes with stingers as long as rapiers. The Star himself hurled balls of shimmering light from his hands, which detonated silently, flinging sparks in all directions that often ignited what they touched. The sparks and flames were harmless to any living thing¡­ Any living thing that wasn¡¯t tainted by an outsider Contract or infested with an unliving, undying or immortal parasite. It really sucked in that case, it really sucked hard. Several of the armored figures were staggering around, learning exciting new things like pain, fear and dying. Actually killing the undying, nearly immortal slug spawn was a tricky proposition in most cases, if not impossible without the correct supplies and knowledge. The slug spawn were resistant to most forms of magic, mortal weapons and physical attacks. On top of that, if even a small chunk of flesh remained intact, the entire slug would regrow, before oozing off to infest a random corpse or a vulnerable sentient. Their favored vessel was typically a human child, the slug would paralyze the child while the unfortunate kid slept, eat the child¡¯s heart to take control of the body and start following the slug matron¡¯s orders again. The Star and the Hive were both highly inimical to such beings naturally, while the Hermit and his corps of monks did grisly business with staves enchanted to end the unending, crafted by the goblin witch of the woods himself. Wheel of Fortune¡¯s deranged cackles of glee and hooting laughter rang out over the battlefield, as the Hermit and his monks silently reaped the undead infantry like wheat. The monk¡¯s staves bashed undead flesh and left awful wreckage in their wake as they pummeled the wriggling orange slug demons flat with nasty popping sounds while the verminous outsiders tried to escape. ¡°Cards on the table boys! Gotta know when to hold ¡®em, know when to fold¡¯em¡­ it¡¯s way too late to run!¡± Wheel of Fortune kept taunting his foes from atop his crawling hand, as their forces intermingled and the enemy formation quickly evaporated in the grinding mill of allies and flaring spells. # Judgment arrived late, during the grisly mop up phase. He surveyed the battlefield with disgust, watching the monks and his allies search out and salt down the slimy snotballs who sought to escape the battlefield. ¡°Any signs of cult leadership?¡± ¡°Nope, these guys were just an army of undead slug puppets and shitbag cultists, coming to enslave the people of that town. That we showed up was just bad luck on their part¡­¡± The Star murmured happily over the carnage. ¡°We stumbled on them by pure accident and couldn¡¯t resist.¡± ¡°The butcher¡¯s bill?¡± Judgment asked softly. ¡°Sixty two living humans taken alive, thirty six of those severely wounded in capture. Twenty hostile humans killed, ninety eight outsider hosts and their parasites killed. No known escapees or demon survivors. We¡¯re double checking for runaways now.¡± Hermit¡¯s second, Blair answered briskly. ¡°We lost three of ours, their bodies have been recovered.¡± She answered less jovially. ¡°Six injured, one severely.¡± ¡°We drove a hard bargain, though I still feel it was too costly.¡± Judgment murmured. ¡°The town?¡± He asked, looking down on the sleepy little city on the lake below. ¡°They were about to be ¡®converted¡¯ by surprise¡­ Now I imagine they¡¯re frightened, confused and probably in hiding.¡± Star mumbled, looking deeply satisfied and sleepy. ¡°I¡¯ll take my team and sweep the town for hidden cultists. Mop up should take a few more days.¡± ¡°Remain alert, I sense open void maws in these mountains. This domain connects to several others.¡± Justice muttered, eying the rugged mountain sides with suspicion. # Daisybelle smelled it an instant after Nightshade did; together they swarmed down on the armored zombie, catching it in a small clearing just below the rocky crags. Petunia leapt first, battering the thing with her forepaws to knock it down, rather than risk breaking a tooth, biting an armored body. It stumbled and fell inert, its rotten spine broken by her pounce. ¡°We smell you, slugspawn! No escape for you!¡± Daisybelle called into the darkened woods, standing over the smelly body. The front of the corpse was a ragged mess, barely holding together after taking some serious abuse. The pilot of the meat chariot was missing, though. The hole where it had dwelt still dripped remnants of a clear, faintly orange tinged mucus. She spotted her wriggly, slimy prey under a nearby pine tree; the snotball had bailed out of its corpse-mobile and was trying to squizzle in among the stones and pine needles to hide. She pinned it down with her obsidian edged shield and drew a circle of salt around the slug, before bringing her shield down hard to smush the bastard. Her obsidian knife flayed the immobilized slug open, spilling its slime onto the soil in a disgusting torrent of ooze. Another half pound of salt and a half hour later, the job was done. Daisybelle wrapped the desiccated slug up in a sack and bagged the crusty, contaminated salt up in another; king papa would want both for his witchcraft. This was the second wandering slug she¡¯d encountered since reaching her assigned post. The first had barely made it out of the void, before falling into her ungentle hands. That corpse too, had been in rough shape, there was a battle going on somewhere¡­ and the slugs were taking a pounding. # Hermit¡¯s monks were diligent and disciplined, as they swept the stony valley for escapees and hidden cultists, finding few of the filth, but a disturbing number of small void maws that led to a few other worlds. They were under instruction to not pursue them across the void, the slugs would fare poorly alone and in rotting, undead vessels. Hermit himself preferred to remain aloof and far from the busy world of humans; lingering instead at the edge of the woods, where his brothers would be able to find him at need. He smiled bitterly at the irony of simultaneously being a militant cult leader and a dedicated recluse. Nearly fifteen years before, Hermit had awakened alone in a distant valley, in a body that still felt alien today, even after so long. He had four arachnid legs and a compact, hairy abdomen behind him, which rose into a just faintly humanoid, four armed torso. He¡¯d never seen his own face, but wandering fingers told him he had a lot going on there. Fangs and mandibles were just the beginning. Eight eyes had taken a lot of adjustment, they gave him a terrible headache for weeks, until he got the hang of the new perceptions they offered, beyond ¡®normal¡¯ vision. Likewise he¡¯d had trouble controlling his movements and mastering his new form¡­ His first few attempts to walk, crawl or leap had ended badly and made it clear he would need to learn how to live in an entirely new way. He had precious few intact memories, scattered and confused fragments that he hoarded and combed through nightly during his meditations. Meditation, dance and the martial arts saved his sanity and helped him regain his ¡®humanity¡¯ as much as remained of it, anyway. In pursuit of mental and physical clarity and control, he¡¯d begun a habit of slow motion movements, practicing his moves at glacial speed, to hone his body and gain more perfect control. The few humans and other humanoids he¡¯d encountered over the years had wisely fled his hideous form, before he could even speak to them in his creaking, ill tuned voice, through fangs and a half human throat. It had all started with one ¡®adherent¡¯, following him at a distance and mimicking his moves, as he worked out in his lonely forest domain. For two years the human was there daily, watching and emulating his movements from a distance, as he performed the combat training dance that kept his body under control and his mind sane¡­ Studying his half remembered, highly customized martial art from another life on another world. Finally, too curious to restrain himself, Hermit had approached the fool, which never ended well with humans, or beastfolk. ¡°Human¡­ What are you here for?¡± He¡¯d managed to say in a passable excuse for man speech. ¡°I knew it! I knew you weren¡¯t just some monster, spirit or sacred beast!¡± The mad woman had crowed in victory at the awful sound of his voice from the shadows and trees¡­ Now Blair had a few dozen followers in her ¡®sect¡¯... The Sublime Spider Sect dedicated themselves to practicing his arts as best they could with only four limbs. He clattered his mandibles in exhaustion at the thought. Humans were so tiresome and looked so damn tasty, it was a real trial being among them, without spinning one up for a snack. That was why the Star and his troupe were in the town below the battlefield, soothing troubled minds and snatching up the possessed and demon touched, when no one was looking. Things were wrapped up snugly here, so he scuttled back among the trees, his iridescent, brightly colored, hairy carapace vanishing in the shadows without a rustle, despite his size. Even after all these years it felt weird being a giant human, peacock spider hybrid. It was super socially awkward, since he was objectively, pretty scary and human sized mammals were his natural prey¡­ He had a deer bundled up in his current home right now, just up the mountainside in a cave; but warm, fresh food sounded so¡­ tempting. He shook those traitor thoughts away and focused on the task at hand. Cold, slightly less than fresh venison would have to do. Aged meat had its unique flavors as well, but nothing was quite as tasty as fresh, warm treemonkey. Now he was beginning to see unfamiliar bipeds as food, which was troubling and a little unnerving. ¡°I need a vacation.¡± Hermit mumbled, as he scuttled up the sheer cliff wall into his web strung hidey-hole and dinner of cold deer. # Shiro and Sasha slipped back into the little hamlet of cottages as dawn approached, reporting in to their bonded companions before bedtime. Shiro curled up in Amy¡¯s lap at the breakfast table and began sawing the most adorable kitty logs, while kneading his toebeans in the empty air. Sasha slid into Kermal¡¯s shadow and vanished with a soft, warm, earth scented sigh, like a warm breeze over a freshly filled grave. ¡°Shiro says the other void maws around here are inactive. Potent rituals and a few solid hours of work would be needed to open them for mortal travel.¡± Amy muttered through a yawn. ¡°Sorry, he¡¯s so sleepy, it¡¯s bleeding over onto me.¡± ¡°Sasha says the same¡­¡± Kermal agreed. ¡°Save that these voids are closed to even her kind, which is unusual. As a god¡¯s sacred beast, she should be able to pass freely¡­ that suggests a sentient actor has sealed these from the other side.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s not open any more windows until we have our current pests under control.¡± Becky suggested firmly. ¡°Can we set something up to warn us if any of these open?¡± ¡°Already handled.¡± Harry spoke up from the Clownshoes table. ¡°Wilf and I set an alarm up on that stele we fixed. We¡¯ll get early warning and a rough location if any new voids open in the valley.¡± He held up a small bronze bell and smiled. ¡°This will ring if a void is opened or unsealed; the clapper¡¯ movement indicates the direction while the frequency and volume reveal distance and elevation.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll send a trio of riders back to town with a few of these bells after breakfast.¡± Wilf grumbled quietly. ¡°It¡¯ll be a speed run, there and back.¡± # ¡°It¡¯ll be a speed run, just there and back¡­ Just peek in and see what¡¯s up. We asked Temperance to send a couple of his girls, but you know how he is.¡± The Chariot grumbled. ¡°They¡¯re his daughters, bro. He won¡¯t put them at risk; give up on that.¡± Hermit answered with finality. ¡°I¡¯ll dip in and take a peek, but there were humans in that valley. There was a growing settlement, almost a city, last time I stuck my nose in that void maw. I have no desire to kill any humans¡­ or be killed by them.¡± ¡°I¡¯d go, but it¡¯s one of the prime worlds, I started to crisp up and shrivel away in minutes. Only a being of entirely mortal and living flesh can survive unprotected there.¡± Chariot sighed. ¡°Temperance said he found another one of us¡­ and that guy might be willing to help, but he¡¯s new, really new. A little scouting is all I¡¯m asking for, a sneaky peek and back in a couple hours.¡± ¡°Another? Who? Does he know?¡± Hermit demanded eagerly, looming over the black clad man who sat atop a palanquin of bones and sinew, carried by four undead ogres. ¡°Chill, dude! You¡¯re scary as fuck, Hermit¡­¡± The Chariot sat back up and adjusted his collar when his brother withdrew. Hermit was about double Chariot¡¯s mass, and the spideryness of him was super jarring; despite his soft fur and bold, cheerful coloration. ¡°Tempy said he might be the Ten of Coins¡­ I guess he¡¯s a dwarven craftsman and is only just now leaving his mountain hold for the first time.¡± ¡°Oh, now I am interested! I might just swing by for a visit! Is the perimeter of his valley still infested with wild goblin men?¡± The giant spider skittered and hopped in excitement. ¡°Those are so tasty and deliciously stupid¡­¡± His mandibles began to clash and chew on imaginary goblins as he spoke, causing the Chariot to lean back again. ¡°Dude¡­ They call me the freaking Necromancer or the Crypt Lord¡­ why are you the scary one?¡± # Then You Come Creeping Around Ch: 22 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Then You Come Creeping Around Ch: 22 ¡°Don¡¯t mind us, brother¡­ We¡¯re just being lazy.¡± Ghnash muttered around his pipe stem, when Gandree wandered downstairs in the late evening, having slept the whole day through. Sabrina and the king were snuggled up near the rocky cleft the hot water surged through, constantly filling his pool from some unknown source. The handsome, green skinned man gave him a sharp toothed grin and shrugged his wide, muscular shoulders¡­ jostling the sleepy green babe in his arms. ¡°Being the goblin king isn¡¯t that demanding, timewise. We had nothing pressing to do and my lovely lady wanted to look around your garden by night, so we just kinda hung out. It really is lovely, if a little sparse on plant life.¡± ¡°I couldn¡¯t manifest the garden, or really much at all beyond a small stone hut, until my first sunrise outside.¡± Gandree murmured quietly. ¡°Now it¡¯s one of my favorite things, along with the bath.¡± The dwarf sighed, as he slipped into the pool. ¡°Yeah, I dig your workshop too, kid. I¡¯ll be poking around and copying some of your tools.¡± Ghnash whispered, once Sabrina settled in again. ¡°Sure, just ignore the things I already copied from you.¡± Gandree muttered with a chuckle. ¡°I plan on finishing my guitar today, I would appreciate your advice and input. I¡¯m kinda fumbling around in the dark here.¡± ¡°You boys, go go play with your toys¡­ I¡¯ll make the breakfast. This garden and your kitchen are more interesting than watching you fools slice your fingers off.¡± Sabrina muttered quietly from the king¡¯s arms. ¡°I have all ten fingies still, my love.¡± Ghnash muttered, as his cuddly armful squeaked and hopped out of the pool, wet and indignant. ¡°Wicked wicked king!¡± She scolded, rubbing her pinched bottom and glaring at both of them. ¡°You and your court jesterfool can eat sawdust!¡± She stomped off and began clattering around in the kitchen, inside, still damp and nude. ¡°Uh, she seemed pretty mad.¡± Gandree muttered when he was finished blushing and turning colors. ¡°Nope, I¡¯m supposed to go seduce her in your kitchen¡­ She¡¯s adventurous and likes to push my boundaries.¡± Ghnash muttered smugly. ¡°Uh¡­¡± Gandree opined wittily. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll make it up to her later. That was probably her endgame anyway.¡± The king sighed in elaborate distress and misery, before ruining his performance with a saucy wink and a grin. ¡°Now look here, kid¡­ I don¡¯t wanna have to explain goblin courtship and all my beloved Sabrina¡¯s kinks to my new brother¡­¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t asking!¡± The dwarf lad protested vehemently. ¡°I¡¯m bustin¡¯ your chops, kid. Relax, I¡¯ll go talk talk with my lovely wife.¡± Ghnash grinned at him and shrugged. ¡°Then we play in your workshop and maybe cut our fingies off, just to spite her.¡± The king said that last part loud enough for Sabrina to hear him, drawing a rude gesture from the lanky, lovely goblin matron. ¡°I knew she¡¯d warm up to you¡­ She had a lot of trouble with goblin men before coming here; most of my ladies are dealing with trauma of one sort or another¡­¡± He smiled at his new brother and shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m asking you to forgive their rudeness. Now that Sabbie is cool with you, the rest should fall in line quickly.¡± Together the two disappeared down into the basement workshop for a good long while. # In the endless and implacable void, a massive, colorful spider clung to threads of magic and theoretical energies that most beings would be unable to perceive or touch. He dangled on a thread of magic, remnants of another being¡¯s passage, just outside an eye watering fissure that led back into a physical reality. Hermit was among the few of the ¡®brothers¡¯ scattered across the fragmentary worlds who was able to navigate the naked void between realms; even if he would rather not. His eight eyes allowed him to see the near infinite network of fissures in local ¡®reality¡¯ and the connections between the many entrances. That was good, because the void maw he approached first had been sealed, or perhaps simply closed and locked. It was a magical gate with a lock and a cunning magical alarm that he had no desire to trip. Unsealing the ward would take a little time and effort on his part, but there was that alarm¡­ The same spell working that closed the gate, slipped its sneaky threads and strands into all of the nearby fractures into that reality as well, fiddling with those enough to allow him to pass would set the alarm off as well. ¡°Clever, rascal! You weave well¡­¡± He leapt, dangling from a thread of Will that drifted in the ether, floating an unguessable ¡®distance¡¯ off in the never. With a nimble swing, he swarmed ¡®down¡¯... or maybe it was ¡®up¡¯... whichever; it led to a nearby open door. ¡°Hold, friend¡­¡± A voice that shouldn¡¯t be present or audible reverberated through the local ether, shaking what little matter and reality there was to shake. ¡°This realm is sealed and under guard. Your essence is too potent to pass these boundaries, my child, only entities of rank ¡®S¡¯ or lower may freely pass into this realm¡­ for now.¡± Hermit ¡®looked¡¯ for the source of the impossible voice and found nothing, just a vast cloud of odd vapor, drifting ¡®nearby¡¯. ¡°Show yourself, entity¡­ If you are truly a ¡®friend¡¯.¡± He croaked into the void, breathing something completely unlike air for the task. ¡°Oh no, I can¡¯t do that, but I¡¯ve touched you; I can find your light amongst the multitude now, mortal spider kin.¡± The voice sighed across endless gulfs of nonspace, in a tone of deep satisfaction. ¡°My child has spoken of your brethren; she has taken up with one or two of you now, perhaps I shall take an interest as well; some of mine dwell in these tiny, diverging and chaotic worlds.¡± ¡°Do you threaten me and my kin, nameless one?¡± Hermit croaked into the void. ¡°Quite the opposite, my child. I am Aclintherios, Weaver of Life¡¯s Threads, deity of some few spider species on a few worlds, here and there.¡± The voice murmured almost shyly. ¡°Your friend the goblin king has made Contract with my youngest child, seek him and the other one if you wish to know more. The stress of interacting with you in this way is exhausting, seek out the goblin and his new brother, my child.¡± As the Hermit watched, that vast and diffuse cloud swiftly collapsed in and became a golden tarantula of truly imponderable size, seeming immense beyond all rationality, even at a terrible ¡®distance¡¯ ¡®away¡¯. Whatever those ideas meant in a ¡®place¡¯ that was eternal, empty and still, yet somehow simultaneously filled with potential. The distant, shining arachnid vanished without any effect or disturbance, it winked from his perceptions in an instant. ¡°I just met a god. And it felt familiar¡­¡± Hemit mumbled to himself. ¡°Weird¡­¡± The spider entity spun a fresh line and hurled himself for a familiar doorway, just a few whatevers and no-wheres away. # Frank and Maya rode out with Rio and Dannyl, running a half dozen of Wilf and Harry¡¯s spatial void warning bells back down the valley for distribution to the Adventurers and the count¡¯s warbands. After four days in the hills, chasing shadows and sniffing around for openings into other places, the idea of a few hours in town was tempting to most of the non nerds. Wilf and Harry were still too absorbed in their work to look away from their experiments and notes for more than a few minutes at a time, beyond eating, bathing and sleeping. Straws were drawn, in the ancient tradition, then Dannyl and the lucky three kids vanished down the road in a whir of tires on hard packed clay and gravel. The Clown-Shoes and the rest of team Ragamuffin found themselves at loose ends, there were a few shepherds and such in these rocky uplands, but no one lived within miles of their camp on the mountain side, just below the treeline. They were pretty much the only people under the jagged granite spire of a mountain no one bothered to learn the name of, or if it even had one. ¡°There¡¯s a nice looking lake two miles east of here.¡± Benny rumbled, once the riders were out of sight. ¡°Anyone wanna go fishing?¡± The cheerful clamor of the kids heading out for a day off by a small mountain lake soon ended, as stillness and quiet settled over the compound of fanciful cottages clustered around Wilf¡¯s stone built home and workshop. ¡°I kinda feel bad, leaving sir Kermal and high priestess Becky behind¡­¡± Lindsey murmured into Barry¡¯s coat collar, riding behind him on the ¡®tandem¡¯ bike through the cool mountain morning. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Those two are as bad as my folks¡­¡± Barry called back over his shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s best we leave them alone to play house for the day; Wilf and Harry won¡¯t come up from the lab ¡®til third bell.¡± He wriggled a little farther back on his saddle, as she scooted a little closer in the cool, rushing wind of their ride. Flash galloped behind them, sniggering and being an idiot. ¡°Barry, please tell your horse that I have to hold on to you like this...¡± Lindsey grumbled icily, as the foal kept gamboling up behind them and nudging her closer to Barry with his big, empty horse head. ¡°I don¡¯t mind¡­¡± He murmured quietly, refusing her orders with a cheerful smile. By the time the three of them reached the lake shore, Amy and the boys had set up a day camp already, on a pleasant clearing. There was even a little skiff of varnished wood bobbing gently on the unnamed lake¡¯s surface. ¡°A boat¡­?¡± The gray eyed girl asked, her expression of not quite surprise and mild annoyance made Barry smile. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ just go with it.¡± Her boy murmured as they rode into the clearing. ¡°You should just accept that things like this will keep happening; we have a lot of storage gifts in the family...¡± ¡°Spare me, goofy boy. I gave up a few days ago¡­ dryads and demigods floating around, doing spirits alone know what!¡± She gave him a playful nudge on his lightly armored shoulder. ¡°I expect a fun day by the lake and no foolishness.¡± ¡°No foolishness indeed. There¡¯s at least four fifths of a troll out there somewhere, nursing a grudge.¡± Larry reminded them as they dismounted and he drove in the last long, elaborately carved wooden stake, completing their camp warding ritual. ¡°That¡¯s why we¡¯re taking precautions.¡± Eight poles of eight different magical hardwoods, carved in the figures of guardian beasts and leering totem poles stood equally spaced out around the camp, thrumming with a subtle force for a few seconds, before falling silent. ¡°That will repel and ward off most beasts and common monsters¡­ an ogre with enough motivation could push through it I think.¡± Larry said with a yawn. ¡°It¡¯s a real Mana hog¡­ I need a nap.¡± He stumbled off, headed for a hammock strung in the pines, near the lake with a sleepy wave bye-bye. # Gandree and the king stumbled back up from the basement covered in sawdust, speckled with lacquer, paint, glue and varnish, but smiling widely. ¡°The boy made a fine instrument¡­ needs to settle in and rest a while.¡± Ghnash grumbled happily. ¡°What did you cook for your hungry menfolk, woman of mine?¡± Sabrina gave him a glare that nearly scorched the king¡¯s messy mop of shaggy hair, joined by Daisibelle¡¯s own searing glower of displeasure, directed at the hapless dwarf. ¡°Welcome back, Daze¡­ what did I do?¡± Gandree asked meekly, before glaring right back at her. ¡°Wait!¡¯ You''re not the boss of me!¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t she, boy?¡± Ghnash asked calmly. ¡°I think you and she were meant to meet, perhaps¡­ Or it could just be that your meeting was too impactful to be easily forgotten, for you both. My divinations are, as yet unclear.¡± ¡°Right¡­¡± The dwarf mumbled in a deeply noncommittal way. ¡°King papa¡¯s rune sticks tell true¡­¡± Daisybelle complained at him, her ire forgotten in a moment. ¡°Oo! Dinner!¡± She chirped, taking a seat at the now properly sized table. ¡°You¡¯re in for a treat, little brother, Sabrina¡¯s mushroom stew is the best!¡± Ghnash exclaimed eagerly. ¡°Pan fried crayfish and freshwater crab soup!¡± The meal lacked spice and heat, but was excellent; putting both craftsmen in a sleepy, bedtime mood. Sabrina and the king stumbled off for home just as the sun started rising in the east, calling the nocturnal folk home to rest. # ¡°A dungeon excursion?¡± Tawny asked coldly at breakfast. ¡°Perhaps I was mistaken, I thought my husband was the bloody count of this domain; not an Adventurer with no good sense at all.¡± ¡°I can be more than just one thing¡­¡± Liam replied with a boyish grin that nearly broke her resolve. ¡°We need to get a handle on what¡¯s going on, exploring is the only option and we can¡¯t get a delve team here for weeks. I¡¯m unwilling to send just anyone through until we know more.¡± ¡°And why you, husband?¡± She demanded weakly, her resolve already crumbling away. ¡°Because I¡¯m the count and these things are a threat to my people and lands¡­¡± The count replied calmly and reasonably, until he cracked a wide, almost childlike grin of excitement. ¡°And I wanted an excuse to go on an Adventure with my familiar and some old friends¡­ and maybe my wife.¡± ¡°I will not be taking our unborn son through any weird tunnels through reality, fool of a man!¡± She huffed fondly at the handsome young Adventurer count. ¡°Be safe and don¡¯t do anything too absurd. I take it Ivy, Tallum and Dannyl will be going on this jaunt?¡± ¡°Yes, and Shai as well. I¡¯ll be careful and will return soon.¡± He pressed a kiss on her lips, then fell to his knees and embraced her still mostly flat tummy and sighed happily. ¡°We will depart the day after tomorrow and will return within two weeks.¡± # ¡°I¡¯m coming.¡± Gary said firmly. ¡°No, ye aren¡¯t.¡± Shai answered flatly. ¡°I¡¯ll be going, ye will stay here. Ye shall join Becky and the bairns in their investigations an willnae be troublesome nor cause a ruckus.¡± ¡°Babe¡­¡± He sighed weakly. ¡°Nae. The wee ones need yer arts and guidance, Kree shall be in charge of thee.¡± She shook her head and pulled him closer to her in the bedding. ¡°Perhaps some day we will fight side by side again, me valiant lad. Fer now, this be my task.¡± He sat back in the bed and grumbled unhappily at no one in particular. ¡°I¡¯m really sick of watching the world go by without me¡­¡± # ¡°Uncle Hermit, are you ok?¡± Daisybelle asked gently. ¡°You look kinda bloated and stiff.¡± Her voice woke the young dwarf in the bright light of mid day, the bedroom window was flung wide open and the curtains drawn back. Daisybelle sat on the windowsill wearing only a shift of spider silk and brief, pale blue underthings that clung to her scandalously. ¡°I ate too much on the way here, now I need to molt¡­ Damnably inconvenient, except that your pops is gonna let me hole up in his basement for a week.¡± The voice was rough and hoarse, almost alien and was coming from something on the roof of his house. ¡°I just wanted to get my eyes on the new guy, before I have to take a long nap.¡± ¡°Daze? What¡¯s going on?¡± He mumbled, only mostly awake. ¡°My uncle Hermit has come calling¡­ You shouldn¡¯t meet him yet. Gotta wait, Gandree boy. Go back to sleep.¡± She called from her seat at the window, before turning back to her unseen companion. ¡°He¡¯s mine, no games or plots. Mine!¡± She grumbled. ¡°Keep your entangling webs away away from him ¡®til I say so.¡± ¡°Hey, I¡¯m right here¡­¡± The dwarf complained, as he struggled to free himself of his tangled and super comfy bedding. ¡°Maybe I should have a say in when, what, where and with whom I ¡®entangle¡¯ myself.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be silly! Hush hush now, this is serious talk.¡± Daisybelle winked at him and drew the curtains, before leaping back into the bed with a giggle. ¡°Uncle Hermit is already gone gone. Now back to sleep, you¡¯ll meet him when he¡¯s less cranky. He¡¯s really scary before molting.¡± ¡°I feel like you¡¯re hiding something awful from me¡­¡± He grumbled, as he pulled the cozy, cuddly girl closer to him and slowly drifted off to sleep in her arms. As evening slowly settled over the deep valley and wide lake, the dwarf lad was in the basement, with the windows flung wide open to admit the last feeble rays of the setting sun. He made constant and minute adjustments to a number of things on his strange new toy, none of which made any sense to the goblin lass. She sat on a high stool, munching on a sweet, crispy oat and apple muffin, smeared with orange marmalade and clotted cream, watching him goof around. When he started playing with silvery strands of braided spider silk she got excited. ¡°Oh, is this some kind of cross-bow, like the humans sometimes use? I still don¡¯t see how it works.¡± ¡°No, Daze¡­ it¡¯s a musical instrument, not a weapon.¡± Gandree mumbled happily, as he strung up his guitar at last. ¡°Oh, it has a hole in the top, do you poop in this one? It seems unsuitable for digging holes.¡± She asked with innocent, wide eyed wonder, just to annoy him. ¡°Lady Joy preserve me¡­¡± He whispered in desperate, heartfelt prayer over his instrument. ¡°Oo! Yes, remindses me! Make me an idol to goddess SmileyFace¡­ we should call to her as well!¡± Daisybelle sat back and nibbled on a roast boar and mushroom pasty while her boy plucked one string at a time, twiddled about and then plucked another¡­ before going back again and doing it all over. ¡°That¡¯s a splendid idea¡­¡± Gandree mumbled, seeming finally satisfied by his notes. He set the instrument down on a padded stand and smiled warmly at the green maiden waiting patiently for him to finish playing around. ¡°We should offer SmartyPan¡­ Marduk his honeyed dumplings and cookies again. Did we ever figure out what the spider goddess wanted?¡± He finally set his guitar down for a moment, so the wily goblin girl pounced. ¡°Yes, we did indeed.¡± Daisybelle murmured happily as she got up, strolled over, sat on his knee and took a long, languid stretch. Her short, silken robe came untied and parted, revealing a very skimpy arrangement of lace, ribbons and only the smallest fragments of opaque cloth. Her plump green breasts bounced in two frothy cups of lace and velvet, tied together with just a few silken ribbons. Down below, there was even less fabric and hardly more than a few ribbons¡­ They rode right over her hips and between her sleek, rounded cheeks, nestled in the dusky, verdigris canyon he¡¯d pursued in his dreams, while she was away. ¡°Daze¡­ you aren¡¯t¡­ Wearing anything.¡± He gasped weakly, as she snuggled her bare bottom into his lap with a joyful squeak. ¡°Sure I am!¡± She sang sweetly, with another wriggle in his lap that made sparks go off in his skull. ¡°Naughty undies. This is the official cult regalia of SpiderBoobs, goddess of skimpy panties!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure how I feel about that¡­¡± He mumbled, while the bouncy girl wriggled into her snug uniform. ¡°You feel really good about it¡­¡± The smiling green girl growled eagerly. ¡°Now put on these silky shortie shorts for me!¡± She pawed at his clothes, and even managed to get his shirt off before he caught her hands in his and stilled her. ¡°Daze¡­¡± He whispered gently in her long, green ear, his breath tickling the interior of her lobe, where the skin shaded coppery pink. ¡°You excite me and intrigue me, but I need to take things slowly. Everything out here is new to me and I don¡¯t want to¡­¡± His protests ended in a gasp of pleasure, when her sharp teeth closed on his shoulder, gnawing gently at his throat. ¡°Mmm¡­¡± She mumbled around his neck. ¡°I won¡¯t make you do anything¡­ Gandree.¡± She chomped down a little more, before going on. ¡°I just want you¡­ This feeling is new to me too. I never thought about skipping my tummy time charms, before I met you¡­¡± She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed away her drool from his collar. ¡°We should go away, as king papa asked. You and me! We could learn new things and see new wonders¡­ together.¡± ¡°I think I¡¯d like that¡­ a lot.¡± He murmured into the glossy, dark green, almost black mop of hair in his face. ¡°Now stop trying to steal my pants.¡± ¡°No fun boy¡­¡± She grumbled sweetly, as she made her scantily clad self comfy in his lap. ¡°I know just the place to go¡­ we go to Port City, on Turtle Island.¡± # ¡°I really wish pops could get a look at these things¡­¡± Wilf grumbled over the trio of blasphemous, haunted musical instruments the ¡®Muffins had seized from the goblins¡¯ harpy allies. ¡°Curses and hexes are his speciality.¡± ¡°I think these thighs are just that, stand alone curses¡­ The instruments just amplify ritual magic and torture the haunts trapped inside.¡± Harry muttered. ¡°That¡¯s the only way these make sense¡­ just straight up revenge. Someone hated these outsiders enough to do¡­ this.¡± The tormented face on the drumhead seemed to be pleading for death; while the shamisen wept silently, her face grotesquely stretched under the instrument¡¯s bridge. Harry tried to avoid looking at the skull flute and the slack, half animated zombie lips the player would have to kiss, to use the damn thing. That was super gross and wrong on a bunch of levels¡­ ¡°We should destroy them¡­ they weren¡¯t enchanted to enhance their durability, so they weren¡¯t meant as ¡®eternal¡¯ prisons.¡± Wilf sighed. ¡°These things offend me.¡± ¡°We should ask Ward first. He¡¯s as close as we can get to an expert.¡± Harry said loudly, in the direction of a shadowy corner of the basement. He paused, as if waiting for some reply from the empty darkness¡­ ¡°Huh. I thought sure Ward would show up with an entrance line like that. He could have blustered and gotten all divinely offended and everything.¡± Wilf grunted, when nothing happened and Harry sighed dejectedly. ¡°He must be busy¡­ chasing naked dryads around on the moon.¡± They both held their breath for a few seconds, expecting an amusing display of godly outrage at any moment. ¡°Maybe he really is busy¡­ He must do actual god stuff once in a while.¡± Harry offered. # ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ right there, baby, that¡¯s the spot!¡± Ward squirmed with pleasure under Baobab''s mighty hands. Her gnarled, dark knuckles slowly kneaded the muscles around his shoulder blades, driving his handsome, smiling face into the massage table cushions. ¡°I have a long flight ahead of me, lover¡­¡± He sighed into the face hole in the table. ¡°It¡¯s a super secret mission, so don¡¯t gossip it about to all your friends.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She purred, while he slowly melted into goo in her hands. ¡°I¡¯m awful at keeping secrets, so don¡¯t tell me anything!¡± ¡°I know, my dear. Now hush up and don¡¯t listen to this intensely juicy gossip! I have it on good authority that yet another immortal light is going to fade out, somewhere in the endless ether¡­ and very, very soon.¡± # Busting In All My Dreams Ch: 23 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Busting In All My Dreams Ch: 23 The count¡¯s most experienced warband was not best pleased by the news that their lord was planning on venturing into the unknown with a party of part time Adventurers¡­ Even if it was most of Ginger Dreadnought. The defunct Adventure band still cast a long shadow locally; even if most of the world considered the tales of their exploits too improbable to believe. ¡°Colette¡­ If you and the Ascots follow me into the dungeon, who will look after my wife and my home?¡± Liam asked reasonably, over lunch with the entire band. ¡°Your wife is capable of looking after herself¡­ Oh foolish count.¡± Tawny grumbled from her seat beside her husband. ¡°Perhaps you should sit at home, knitting and preparing the nursery.¡± ¡°Beloved, please¡­ not in front of the Ascots, you¡¯re embarrassing me!¡± The count mumbled pitiably, as his wife turned the tables on him. ¡°We need to at least explore the entrance and secure it. Ivy is the only mage in my domain qualified for the work that isn¡¯t too young, or too crippled for the task. Wilford and Harry are excellent; but I¡¯ll not send my brother¡¯s kids into danger¡­ and Gary is not available.¡± The count surveyed the table, weighing the forces arrayed against him. Tawny looked cranky, that meant he had won, but at a price¡­ She would extract her pound of flesh later, in private. His elite warband remained unwilling¡­ but they didn¡¯t get a vote. It was time to play his final ace. ¡°The duke is sending us a team of veterans, his warband will be here in a week. If I¡¯m not back by then, feel free to come chasing after me.¡± That settled most of the overt complaints neatly. # Dannyl and his trio of kids rolled into town just before noon, The older Adventurer broke away from their group at the edge of town, pedaling for the palace on the hillside. ¡°I¡¯m gonna check in with his lordship. You guys are at liberty ¡®till fourth bell.¡± Maya and Frankie had a long list of things to buy at the market, freeing them up for some much needed private time, while Rio had an equally impressive list of stuff they needed from home. He pedaled through the garden gate and found his mother in the yard, her Adventure gear, weapons and armor laid out, as she checked everything over carefully on the wide, sunny lawn. ¡°Ah, splendid! Where be your brothers and sister?¡± She sang merrily, a wide and eager smile on her face. ¡°I rode in with Maya and Frankie, the others are all still up on the valley side, investigating.¡± He answered carefully. ¡°Are you going on a job?¡± ¡°Aye, ¡®twill be a brief jaunt through the dungeon mouth, just a bit of exploration and snooping.¡± His mother almost sang with her eagerness. ¡°Your poor papa is all butthurt and cranky over the matter; so he will be a handful, methinks. I leave him in the care of yourselves and Kree. Mind that he does no foolishness, my sweet Rio.¡± ¡°Mom! You know how he gets when you go Adventuring!¡± Rio complained weakly. Each time Shai had gone out on an Adventure job, it had been awful. Gary spent the whole time fretful, anxious and insufferably worked up, every time. ¡°Nae this time, lad¡­ He seems to be taking the news better than I¡¯d hoped¡­¡± She paused to reflect on that for a moment,then shrugged. ¡°Perhaps ¡®tis simply that he has Mariah to distract him and Ward, once more able to visit. That must be it.¡± Those excuses and explanations rang hollowly in her own ears, Rio let an expression of sincere doubt roll across his dark, handsome face¡­ and linger there. ¡°Yeah, or maybe he has another scheme afoot¡­ where is he? Hiding in the workshop?¡± ¡°Nae, he¡¯s up on the plateau, in Liam¡¯s grove. My lad is visiting with some old friends at last.¡± # Rio cranked up the road, past the temples and through the arbor gate. He broke a sweat pedaling up the steep, smooth paved road to the former necropolis above the town. His breathing was even and deep, as he flew up the tree lined road and into the young forest that the count had been cultivating for more than a decade now. Vines and moss covered forgotten mausoleums and gravestones, among the widely scattered mature trees. Shrubs, thickets and brambles engulfed regal crypts, grand obelisks and elegant statuary, just as thoroughly as the verdure obscured the humble stone markers of common graves. The windy, barren plateau that once lay under the shadow of a demon¡¯s wicked temple of undead human bones and had been a domain of empty graves was now a pleasant, overgrown ruin. Birds and insects sang in the midday sunshine; a stream chuckled in its rocky bed, adding its merry, stoney notes to the song, before plunging off the sharp escarpment into the valley below in a short, rainbow spray of mist. Rio paused at the broken gates, overrun with moonflower and morning glory vines to the point that only the crumbling tips of the fallen stone archway could be seen, peeking out near the top of the massive heap of flowering vines. He rode through the crumbling gateway, into a cool, fresh, thriving wilderness of new growth forest. A few mighty trees towered high into the blue, cloudless sky; a sequoia, a hemlock and a few more giant trees that he didn¡¯t recognize yet, reached for the distant sun. Smaller, but equally mature trees were scattered all around, spaced out with obvious care and attention, so that they would encourage undergrowth and allow wildlife to flourish. The young man took deep, gasping breaths of the fresh, invigorating breeze, soaking in the natural essence and vigor of the druid¡¯s grove his uncle had created here, on the ruins of tragedy and horror. Countless generations of humans had lived, loved and died in this valley over untold centuries, but so long ago that even faintly remembered legends that still survived, were built on the hazy ruins of unknown civilizations that had gone before. Below the plateau, dug into the very bones of the mountain range, a terrifyingly vast catacomb lay, filled with the mortal remains of uncounted people, deposited over unguessable centuries, one culture replacing the one before¡­ and after, yet another, as the tides of time rose and fell. Nearly a thousand years before, a nightmare had descended on the latest mortal society to take root in the steep valley. She arrived in the night, called by a forgotten cult for their own mad reasons. Of course, she had devoured the cultists first, as was traditional¡­ Endless miles of silent crypts and massive ossuary shrines had all been plundered by a demon of undeath and shadows, to create an abhorrent, lifeless empire to rule forever. Every bone, scrap of flesh and wayward shade had served the creature¡¯s wicked will, patrolling her shadow haunted kingdom of death for centuries, slaying and consuming any living mortal foolish enough to enter her realm¡­ Mostly. Rio smiled grimly, remembering the first demon he¡¯d ever seen with his own eyes, when he was barely five years old. Papa and mama had defeated the filthy thing, the creature had been finally rooted out and her army returned to death¡¯s slumber. Papa had imprisoned it in a magical container, with help from their aunties and uncles; planning to interrogate her, before doing what was needed. A foolish and wicked woman had succumbed to the demon¡¯s whispered promises¡­ and had learned firsthand how such beings treat human souls and bodies. Poor Maddy had been awful, selfish and nasty, but when she released the imprisoned creature, she had been possessed and devoured immediately by the ravenous, amoral being. The promised wealth and power would be hers; as an undead servant, enslaved to her new mistress¡¯ Will and slowly consumed to re-invigorate her battered spiritual essence. Vixoreath, shadow demon of death and pain, walked out to wreak her vengeance, wearing the guise of the stupid bint who¡¯d released her¡­ Rio and his siblings had battled the creature to a standstill, their barely awakened gifts contesting with the weakened entity from beyond; until papa had come home to save the day. Rio shuddered at the memory of his father¡¯s rage¡­ He¡¯d never seen, before or since, the naked, unholy thirst for vengeance, concealed behind his papa¡¯s smiling, blandly forgettable face. His father had seemed a demon himself that day, as he shredded the monstrous, incorporeal immortal with his bare hands. He banished those dark memories and focused on the task at hand, finding papa in the wide, overgrown forest. Trails and paths wound throughout the enormous expanse, since open graves and forgotten crypts lurked everywhere among the verdure. He pulled his bongos from his shadow and caressed the skins gently, bringing a soft rumble and thunder from the instrument. After a few seconds, a tall, black draped shadow rose from an open mausoleum nearby, gliding silently down a trail to the northeast. Rio followed his deathless guide along the rim of the plateau, all the way to the far edge, where the mountains climbed higher, barren and implacable. His papa was seated on a boulder, looking out over the valley with a small, dark haired, brown eyed woman sitting in his lap, playing a tiny panflute into the yawning void. ¡°Papa, auntie Willow¡­ am I interrupting?¡± He asked softly, once his guide had slipped back into the shadows. ¡°Oh, Rio! We¡¯re just hanging out.¡± Gary sighed. ¡°Your Mom¡¯s getting ready for an Adventure¡­¡± ¡°Quit sulking, boy! She¡¯s spent enough time nursemaiding you. It¡¯s time to get back on your feet.¡± The ancient dryad Willow grumbled, still holding her instrument to her perfect, pink lips. ¡°You must remember that you live in a ¡®magical world of freaking wonders¡¯, my friend.¡± She did a pretty sweet Gary impression for that last bit, bringing a smile to the faces of the man and his son. She kissed his cheek and rose from Gary¡¯s lap to embrace Rio fondly. ¡°I¡¯ll take my leave now. You boys play nice¡­¡± Willow muttered softly, as she slipped into the sade of a willow tree and vanished. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Thanks, Willow¡­ sometimes I forget that.¡± The musician sighed through a bittersweet smile. ¡°I guess you and the others will be my ¡®nursemaids¡¯, while your mom¡¯s away.¡± ¡°Shush, boy.¡± Kree scolded him, peeking out from his messy hair, as usual. ¡°I haven¡¯t needed to sting you for a while¡­ don¡¯t ruin a good thing!¡± ¡°Shush yourself, Sugarbee¡­ and Mariah, stop tugging on my ear.¡± He said calmly. ¡°We¡¯ll go sugar free tonight, if you don¡¯t behave.¡± ¡°Come on, dad, let¡¯s go back home and pack your stuff. Mom said you¡¯ll be staying with us for a couple weeks.¡± Rio spoke gently, gripping his father¡¯s shoulder firmly, as if he might try to flee. ¡°I¡¯m not an invalid, son.¡± He sighed. ¡°I¡¯m already packed¡­ old habits die hard. I guess we¡¯re staying in the foothills?¡± ¡°Yeah, under that triangular peak; about three miles off the main road. It should take two hours to get there¡­ all uphill. Are you good to ride, or should we get the cart?¡± Rio helped his dad to his feet and smiled. They were as different as father and son could be; Rio stood tall and lean, always balanced and ready to move with a dancer¡¯s grace. His dark skin and cap of tight, kinky black curls showed the contrast. His father¡¯s dark brown, messy hair, brown eyes and sun bronzed skin had the sheen of good health, while his body was more sturdily built than his slender son¡¯s lithe form. Any fool could see there was no blood relation, just as even a fool could also see the love between the two, as they strolled through the garden in companionable silence. ¡°How¡¯s everybody doing? Your new Contracts settling in?¡± Gary asked while he slowly put his bike gear on. ¡°Yeah, It¡¯s pretty awesome¡­ Though, my bond with Cernunnos¡¯ is just a fae Contract. He¡¯ll release me when I can finally bond with Eponna.¡± He sighed softly while he helped his dad armor up. Once, papa would perform a silly dance move, take a twirl in place and re-appear fully kitted out, while his contemporaries could easily spend fifteen minutes¡­ or even longer getting geared up properly. Thanks to his handy storage ability, Gary had put on and adjusted his armor once¡­ and after that magical ¡®fuckery¡¯ took care of the details. Now, he had to produce one piece of his gear at a time, being careful to manage his gift. Extracting things from his storage ability was fraught and perilous, these days. With no Contract supporting his Agility attribute, he could easily overpower his crippled gift and accidentally dump his whole manna pool. If that happened, he would wind up blacked out on the lawn, with a load in his shorts within a few seconds. Remembering those carefree days brought a smile to both men¡¯s faces as they worked at the mundane task. They were so different, but as close as father and son could be. Once Gary was geared up, they traded roles, the older man checking and adjusting his son¡¯s gear with care. Their bikes were at the gate; leaned against a forgotten jadite obelisk; just one of so many ancient grave markers. A few still bore faint traces of where some ancient text had been carved into the weathered stone. No one was going to steal a bike from the clan of strange Adventurers whose patriarch was the local mad witch. Double certainly, no one would be stealing bikes within the haunted and forbidden grove. Count Liam owned the strange place and he allowed entry to anyone¡­. Anyone who dared to climb the long path from the temple ward and brave the dark rumors that still clung to the plateau. Few did. ¡°It¡¯s so different now, this place¡­¡± Rio sighed as they mounted up, carrying their conversation onto their comms earrings, seamlessly. ¡°Uncle Liam has done something amazing up here!¡± ¡°He¡¯s settled in and made this place his home, son. When a druid does that, magic takes root and the spirits of the land, earth, water and sky all thrive¡­¡± Gary replied as they took a leisurely downhill run on the wide, well paved road. ¡°The haunted grove near Wheatford is the same¡­ steeped in the magic of nature and quietly powerful in some really subtle ways¡­ as a forest should be, in this world.¡± ¡°The haunted grove is Liam¡¯s too, dad¡­ Even though you own the land, it¡¯s his in all the ways that really matter.¡± Rio didn¡¯t ask, he just let it hang there as they rode for a while. ¡°That¡¯s true¡­ I never could slip anything by you kids.¡± He complained gently. ¡°I¡¯ve never felt like I belong anyplace, at least not in that way, so it¡¯s never happened for me. I left traces of my presence all the time, back when we were Adventuring. ¡° ¡°I remember¡­ Every place we set up the house was changed after we left. The soil was dark, fertile and deep, the water ran pure and magic welled up from the earth¡­¡± Rio sighed softly. ¡°Yeah¡­ an acre here, an acre there, I guess I did my part in a small way. The effect fades from the land, if we don¡¯t revisit it often, like our place by the clay pit in Wheatford and Kai¡¯s island.¡± The musician sighed wistfully. ¡°I miss that old turtle. We should go visit her, once all this mess is cleared up with the pantheon. It¡¯s all too complicated right now. I can¡¯t escape the feeling that I¡¯m forgetting something super important.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll figure it out¡­ Together, pops. Let¡¯s go find Frank and Maya. We have a bit of a ride back home.¡± # Count Liam rode with Shai, Tallum, Dannyl and Ivy, all mounted on bikes and without baggage or a supply wagon, rolling up his wide, carefully maintained roads into Adventure. Their presence reminded him of the old days, their single year of wild and hectic chaos, ending with chaos and upheaval in the heavens and the mortal world. A few companions were missing and the absence was jarring; so too was the silence in which they rode. Shai refused to use her gifts or put her magical sash of bells and chimes into play while there was a chance her husband might become ensnared in the music and magic. A mile beyond the last house in town, Shai cut loose at last. She released her home from its temporary, magical existence by the lake. The sensation of her inn and workshop fading from reality was familiar¡­ Though, this time Shai felt a potent sense of energies being restrained and compressed, as the structure faded away into moonlight, sunlight, shadow and magic. The feeling was energizing and invigorating, just a little, so she shrugged and let her own gifts loose a little; her sash of metal links, bronze chimes and silver bells began to sing out and jingle musically. Controlled by her subconscious Will and subtle gifts, the bells and chimes played the melody and rhythm of a song from her husband¡¯s repertoire of music from another world. Old familiar sensations carried the Adventurers away, lending them tireless energy and buoying their spirits. When Shai spun her husband¡¯s long dormant gifts out among her close friends and kin, that old sense of possibility danced over their souls, whispering into their hearts: Rise up this mornin'', Smiled with the risin'' sun, Three little birds Perch by my doorstep Singin'' sweet songs¡­ LIam smiled and joined in the familiar ritual, when Tallum¡¯s low, rumbling voice took up the song. The big man scatted nonsense words as he pedaled, laying down a wordless, acapella bass line. Soon, Ivy and Dannyl began to sing in harmony, following Liam¡¯s own voice. ¡®Three Little Birds¡¯ called the local songbirds into the tune, lifting their melody into the sky in response to the gentle magic hidden in the music. After a few extra choruses just to enjoy Bob Marley¡¯s melody for a little longer. They didn¡¯t really understand ¡®Reggae¡¯, ¡®Classic Rock¡¯ or ¡®JukeBox Poetry¡¯ but the music stored in the mad fool was too good to deny, even if the lyrics rarely made any sense at all¡­ ¡®Ventura Highway¡¯ led into ¡®Werewolves of London¡¯, one of Liam¡¯s favorites¡­ he loved the howling parts¡­ Strange songs poured out onto the quiet woods, as they pedaled away, up into the foothills. Head out on the highway¡­ Lookin'' for Adventure And whatever comes our way¡­ # Frankie and Maya were in the market ward, shopping and wandering around on foot, enjoying the afternoon and a quiet date, without any weirdness or magical nonsense at all. It felt nice to just be normal people, shopping together for the afternoon. As fourth bell began singing out in the warm pine scented air, the two young Adventurers started heading for the craft ward, to meet back up with Rio. Their brightly lacquered wooden and bronze bikes were parked at the count¡¯s civic forge, racked beside the mundane steel versions available for sale or rent from the two huge ginger blacksmith twins that ran the place. A few locals had embraced the two wheeled lifestyle in the last few years but it was slow going. Horses and wagons still provided most transportation and the locals were deeply suspicious of new things, even if the count himself rode on of the things, when he wasn¡¯t mounted on his snapdragon familiar. A few apprentice smiths were riding around the forecourt and street, practicing with the devices and amusing onlookers with their faltering antics when the young couple arrived. # A pair of journeyman carpenters were eyeballing Maya and Frank¡¯s bikes in the smithy courtyard, drawn by the wooden laminate frames that supported the shining bronze and steel metalworks of the absurdly complex ¡®drive train¡¯. The craftsmen were peering at the frames, measuring parts, taking notes and whispering among themselves in hushed tones. ¡°...It looks like cypress, I can¡¯t tell under all this lacquer¡­¡± The tallest of them was muttering, when Rio and Gary parked their own bikes on the wood and steel rack outside the forge. ¡°It¡¯s a six layer, cross grained laminate, of yew, ash and plum wood. All of the lumber is dryad haunted and wrapped in monster spider silk fiberglass.¡± Gary sang at the startled crafters, when they all jumped up and started looking shifty and embarrassed. ¡°These aren¡¯t secret, just don¡¯t try and mess with any of my bikes. They can be dangerous, if mishandled.¡± He smiled at the young carpenters, which did little to reassure them. ¡°I¡¯ll give you the specs and a material list; but steel is a better choice, you don¡¯t have an enchanter with the skills required.¡± Rather than sticking around for the promised specs, the men scampered for the carpenter¡¯s ward; they didn¡¯t run¡­ but they didn¡¯t dawdle either. ¡°They¡¯ll come around, pops.¡± Rio mumbled awkwardly. ¡°Word has gotten around that you¡¯ve declared blood feud with Healer¡­ They all think you¡¯re deranged.¡± ¡°Oh? Is that all? That¡¯s fine then!¡± Gary¡¯s mood brightened visibly, as he headed into the forge to visit his wife¡¯s cousins. A merry tune whistling tune rose, as they strolled across the smithy yard, in time with the steady, water mill powered trip hammers and bellows. ¡°Dad¡­ are you ok?¡± Rio asked gently. ¡°Should you be whistling?¡± ¡°Hmm? I¡¯m not whistling, son. You know I can¡¯t¡­ not without getting super sick.¡± Both men paused, searching for the source of the tune for a few long seconds. It seemed a little distant and soft, but distinct and very sweetly performed. ¡°It¡¯s your shadow, dad.¡± Rio whispered in the noisy smithy yard. ¡°Look down¡­ Slowly, don¡¯t spook him.¡± Gary took a side-eyed glance at his shadow; uncertain what to expect. For years it had simply been a shadow, like anyones¡¯¡­ just a regular, run of the mill, everyday thing. The pool of darkness spreading from his feet was perfectly ordinary, if the person casting the shadow were a child of ten or twelve; rather than a large, muscular man. The shadow child wore a flat topped, wide brimmed hat and loosely flowing garments of some kind; they fluttered in a breeze that didn¡¯t touch the two men standing alone on the flagstones. While they stood watching carefully, the shadow swayed and twirled in place; as if the being were dancing, while playing a flute that cast no shadow. Only the entity¡¯s flickering hands obstructed the bright sunshine, as he or she played a sprightly rendition of ¡®Merrily Kissed the Quaker¡¯, on an instrument that wasn¡¯t ¡®real¡¯... whatever that meant in this circumstance. Yet, the music still could be heard; slightly less distant now, as the tune reached its finale in a high flying skirl of gracenotes and ornaments. The performance seemed as if the creature were showing off, displaying their skills for an admiring audience. As the last few notes faded, the shade bowed gracefully and slowly faded into a normal, mundane shadow. ¡°Ok, that was weird.¡± Frankie mumbled from behind the two men. He and Maya were at the smithy¡¯s yard entrance; standing a few yards away, watching the thing happen. ¡°That used to happen all the time¡­¡± Rio muttered to the younger lad, with a wide, ecstatic smile on his face. ¡°Like, all the time.¡± ¡°Hi kids!¡± Gary chirped when he turned around to greet them, smiling in a way that was just a little wild eyed and crazy¡­ just a little. ¡°There you are! Let¡¯s head back and link up with the others. We¡¯ve gotten a little scattered around¡­ It feels like we might be forgetting someone. Where¡¯s your uncle Rolf?¡± ¡°Lord Rolf is escorting duke Mubarak¡¯s party back to Wheatford, they will sail from there on the duke¡¯s yacht.¡± Sir Francis Pangbourned complained from the gateway. ¡°I will be lodging in the count¡¯s palace, while I continue to study this matter. If anyone was interested in where I might be¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be like that, Frank¡­ Wait, weren¡¯t you trying to act all high and mighty the other day? Demanding answers and intruding on my work during an important ritual¡­ Oh, shit¡­!¡± Gary paled for a moment, seeming startled and upset by some remembered detail. ¡°Gang, we packed up the house¡­ with Dana, the goddess of Healing still in the basement.¡± ¡°You¡­ what!?¡± Frank asked, suddenly equally alarmed. ¡°Look, my life is really complicated¡­¡± The mad witch complained. ¡°I can¡¯t remember every little thing, all the time.¡± ¡°What do you think will happen?¡± Rio asked gently. ¡°Uh, I dunno, last time a foreign spiritual being got into my non dimensional storage gift, I got possessed for a little while.¡± He paused and closed his eyes for a long moment, checking out his internal¡­ whatever he was. ¡°Nah, I¡¯m good, she¡¯s not in my mind. That other time it was a disembodied human soul. I think she¡¯s just gonna be stuck in my Pockets, for a little while.¡± # At first, disorientation buffeted holy Dana, goddess of Healing; that was followed by the strange sensation she¡¯d been wrestling with for some time, beginning to expand throughout her essence. Pain¡­ That new sensation bloomed and spread through her, bringing several new variations on the theme of discomfort that she had not previously experienced. Nausea and desperate hunger were new to the party and deeply unwelcome. Her guts were roiling and churning abominably, ravaged by an endless and eternal hunger. That was all new as well, since the divine being did not hunger and had no digestive tract to upset. Likewise, her whole body felt heavy, weak, wracked with pain and sluggish; a body she did not possess. She heard Marduk¡¯s awful pet speaking, heard it so loudly it was almost as if she were speaking¡­ Her eyes cleared, revealing a wide, stone paved courtyard; filled with the deafening clash of metal hitting metal and the sound of human voices. ¡°Oh¡­ fuck me¡­¡± Dana mumbled, while the filthy creature mounted some strange construct of mortal craft and began riding it up a wide, well paved road with three young mortals pedaling along beside him. Dana felt her legs, lungs and backside, wracked with aches and shuddering weakness¡­ His legs, lungs and backside. With slowly dawning horror, Dana realized that she was a helpless passenger in the disgusting, mortal body of the oblivious witch. An unwilling and very unhappy passenger with a front row seat for the whole parade. She screamed in the silence of her own essence, as the horrible wretch pedaled off into the foothills, blithely unaware of the goddess he was taking along for the ride. # Trying To Drive Me Mad Ch: 24 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Trying To Drive Me Mad Ch: 24 The goddess Dana, Healer of Wounds and Balm in Man¡¯s Suffering was having a really shitty afternoon. She was trapped inside the filthy creature, Gary Ward; somehow she had been shackled to his senses and remained unable to withdraw, or act in any way. She was simply a helpless passenger, as he pedaled some mad contrivance up into the hills above the town at terrifying speeds. Though, to be fair, any movement in physical space was frightening to a being that had never been corporeal or powerless before. The awful thing chattered inanely with the mortal children in his company, heedless of the misery and agony his disgusting, heavily cursed body was inflicting on her. The torment increased with every passing mile and with each miserable crank of his legs on the terrible torture machine. Each bump in the road, every pivot of his hips as he pedaled, was agony. As the afternoon wore on, that wretched saddle hammered at their shared taint, butthole and bollocks mercilessly. She screamed silently in the empty place she occupied, as the man¡¯s hideous mortal senses washed over her and became her entire world¡­ # Ticklefoot woke in darkness, he remembered being Ticklefoot¡­ and remembered falling into a whirling storm of stones and gravel¡­and pain. There was a dark, crashing emptiness after that. He looked around and wondered where and what he was¡­ since he didn¡¯t have any real idea about either of those things. There was no place around his¡­ whatever he was. No physical body bound his form either, there was nothing, and plenty of it to go around. At least his foot didn¡¯t tickle anymore, nor was he hungry. That thought shocked him to the core he didn¡¯t seem to have right now. Ticklefoot didn¡¯t have many memories, just fragments and flashes¡­ falling and darkness¡­ The next thing he recalled was licking his old thinkin stuff up off a rock, once he¡¯d grown a new headbone and the goop that¡¯s supposed to be inside. He sharply remembered the taste of his own brains, and the flashes of cognition that he¡¯d gleaned from each morsel. He¡¯d been pinned in place, lost in a dark, crushing tomb of jagged, fallen stone for¡­ whatever; before coming to this non-place for¡­ whatever. In the endless dark, he raged, bellowed and fought¡­ at, with and against¡­ nothing, until his mad, impotent fury died, screaming and mad in the void. Eventually, in a place without substance or time, he settled in to wait; because that was all there was to ¡®do¡¯. As he waited, memories, sensation and feelings that were not his began to percolate through the empty places in him, where his own mind had once been¡­ Someone else¡¯s senses, or so he assumed, in the lightless, soundless abyss. With no other choices, he fell into whatever he was experiencing, drinking in any distraction from the maddening, desolate void. # ¡°You ok, dad?¡± Rio asked, as Gary started to falter on a long uphill grind. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m good. I haven¡¯t been using my motor¡­ It¡¯s good for me to work out the legs a bit. You don¡¯t want your old man going soft, do you?¡± He smiled at Rio and started up his creepy, eldritch creation. ¡°Try to ignore any weird colors or auras that it gives off, I¡¯m still working on the radiation shielding enchantments.¡± ¡°You look pale¡­¡± Rio insisted gently. ¡°Pull over, gang. We¡¯re taking a break.¡± Gary complained and fussed for a few minutes; but once they got him off his bike in a pretty, upland meadow, he quickly sprawled out on the ground in the sun and sighed. ¡°All right, maybe I am a little shaky¡­¡± He mumbled after a few minutes resting on the grassy meadow. ¡°You should stick him, just to be sure¡­¡± Mariah muttered to Kree, from her perch behind his left ear. ¡°Kree, keep your stinger to yourself¡­ I¡¯ll be ok, once I visit the bushes. Deuces are wild.¡± He took a small shovel and one of his bike¡¯s saddle bags off into the underbrush for a little while, cheerfully answering nature¡¯s call. ¡°Ew! Gross!¡± The two little insects buzzed and chirped, before they flitted over to perch on Rio¡¯s shoulder in the shade. ¡°In the woods¡­¡± One muttered. ¡°Like an animal¡­¡± The other replied, with a giggle of insectile laughter. ¡°I dunno¡­ something seems off.¡± Kree whispered in Rio¡¯s ear, once her bonded companion was out of sight. ¡°Keep an eye on him.¡± # Down by the crystal clear, alpine lake, Amy, Larry, and Perry were relaxing with Becky and Kermal, laying down some mellow afternoon jazz around the small camp fire at the center of the jam sesh. Lindsey and Barry sat side by side on a fallen log, looking out over the peaceful lake. Her soft whisper drifted to his ears, hidden by the music. ¡°I¡¯ve never ridden in a boat before¡­ Well, just that once, when the horse was the captain, but I may have dreamed that one¡­¡± She burbled giddily. A few yards away, Flash frolicked in the meadow with the blindfolded giant moth and Amy¡¯s snow leopard, playing tag among the trees. ¡°I haven¡¯t had a day off in¡­ what day is it, even?¡± Out of nowhere, Amy¡¯s small brown hands took Lindsey¡¯s pale ones in a gentle grip and halted her anxious chatterboxing. ¡°Slow down, relax, take a breath. Why don¡¯t you and Barry take the boat for the day? Cruise the lake and have some quiet time, just you two. We¡¯ll entertain the horsie.¡± Her wide and eager smile sold Barry on the idea and soon he was helping her aboard the little craft, smiling more than a little himself. They motored silently away, heading out onto the bright blue waters to ¡®explore¡¯ the tiny lake. ¡°I like this¡­¡± Lindsey sighed and leaned against Barry, smiling happily. ¡°I¡¯ve never really been on a boat before¡­ I must have dreamt that silly night time cruise.¡± ¡°No, that really happened, Lin. We have a few sailing enthusiasts in the family¡­ including captain Annie, the pirate pony¡­¡± A strange look crossed Barry¡¯s face, as he fell silent for a second or two. ¡°That¡¯s funny¡­ Amy never let me take her boat out before.¡± He mumbled, as suspicion slowly dawned on him. ¡°Do you think she¡¯s scheming, or something?¡± ¡°I very much doubt that, Barry.¡± Lindsey lied sweetly, as she settled in against him and pressed her face into his collar. ¡°Steer the boat, I¡¯m taking a nap right here.¡± # Fifth bell was inaudible, so far from town, but the kids all felt the time had come to head back. No one complained or sulked about the end of the leisure day, mostly. They broke camp and packed away most of the gear, as the two on MissAdventure slowly sailed back to their makeshift landing on a beach of decomposed granite that was almost fine enough to be called sand. Barry hopped into the shin deep water, moored to a scrawny pine tree and held his hands out to his pretty, gray eyed passenger. When she stepped closer and held her hands out, he slipped close and put Lindsey ashore by gripping her slender waist and lifting the lanky girl to the beach, leaving her with dry feet and a pounding heart. She may have released a small cry of alarm, at being manhandled¡­ ¡°Oo! You should make her squeak like that more often, Barry¡­ That was cute!¡± Amy cheered, as she collected the blushing girl into her bosom. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get home before the others and pretend we weren¡¯t slacking off all day.¡± # You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. Dana was familiar with human physiology and biological processes, in the way the divines bothered to understand such things. Now she was learning all the intimate, grizzly and moist details¡­ first hand. The scents, sounds and sensations were all novel and uniquely awful. From digging a hole in the forest loam to squat over, to the horrid, floppy penis and testicles that had to be managed, despite the way they jumbled about; even the preliminaries were disgusting. Without warning, that vile, meaty hose spurted liquid everywhere¡­ and that was just the beginning of her new torment. A few awful minutes later, only the smell of fresh human urine, scat and newly turned soil remained, to commemorate an experience like no other in her long existence. Then came the wiping of the backside and burying of the remains¡­ The goddess of Healing was not amused or entertained. Not one little bit. # ¡°Oh wow¡­ What the hell did I eat?¡± He moaned to himself, when the task was done. ¡°No more softshell freshwater crabs¡­ not worth it.¡± Gary emerged from the shrubbery looking much better and declared himself once more, ready to ride. ¡°I felt a little sick and weird there. I¡¯m fine now.¡± He mumbled happily, with a huge stretch that made his spine crackle and pop. ¡°It was just a little eldritch diarrhea¡­ which is weird, I gotta admit. I don¡¯t eat demons anymore.¡± He mused thoughtfully. ¡°Check him over, Kree. I think he¡¯s hiding something.¡± Rio grumbled to Frankie. The young, blonde Adventurer lad tugged his collar aside, so the little wasp girl could take off more easily, as she darted from behind his ear with a loud buzz. The tiny insect familiar flashed back to her host in a blur of black and gold, spiraling around and around a half dozen times, before alighting on her favorite perch, behind his ear and tangled in his hair. ¡°He¡¯s fine¡­ there¡¯s something weird about his aura, but that¡¯s normal for him. It¡¯s always fluctuating.¡± She yawned and stretched for a moment. ¡°Should I sting him a little? Just to be safe?¡± ¡°Hey!¡± Gary complained. ¡°No stinging!¡± ¡°He¡¯ll be fine, Kree.¡± Rio declared firmly. ¡°Just let us know if he gets wobbly.¡± ¡°I love my kids¡­¡± Gary mumbled, in the tone of someone reminding themselves of something easily forgotten, through his usual goofy grin. ¡°Yeah, we know. Let¡¯s get going; we can be home in an hour if we get cranking.¡± The lanky boy grumbled right back. # The imprisoned goddess could only go along for the ride, as her captor walked back over to his abominable torture machine, his legs, sore backside and weird, squishy, boy parts all complaining loudly. Somehow the horrible creature ignored the wrenching, stabbing agony of that iron hard bike saddle meeting his¡­ their poor, battered grundle. Once more the torment began; her silent screams echoing back in her mind, deafeningly loud, so loud she could almost hear a savage, bestial echo sounding, from some unguessable distance. # The excruciating ride ended at a cluster of small cottages, surrounding a good sized stone inn with a cheerful red roof. Young humans scampered about wildly, as the group rode up. Several came charging forward as they dismounted, young voices erupting with gleeful shouts. ¡°Papa!¡± The brood of mortals began hugging and embracing the helpless goddess¡¯ prison¡­ It felt surprisingly good, as a wash of mortal chemicals washed over her host body, bringing blessed distraction from some of the constant agony. ¡°Hey, kids¡­ slow down. I¡¯m really wiped out and Kree is getting ready to sting me.¡± He complained weekly, as he slowly ambled for the bath, dragging Dana along with him. ¡°Go on, pops.¡± Rio murmured, as he helped his father out of his armor. ¡°I¡¯ll rack your bike and gear for you, hit the showers. Kree, Mariah, let¡¯s go find a snack.¡± Two tiny insectile creatures dashed from her host¡¯s messy hair and landed on the handsome dark skinned youth¡¯s collar. ¡°Thanks, kids. I need some quiet time.¡± He sighed. The terrible thing staggered into a clean white tiled changing room beside the large house and began to strip himself bare. She suffered with poor grace, as her awful humanoid prison washed himself, including those jiggly, meaty things. He spent too much time cleaning those, causing the parts to shift and twitch in some disturbing ways that Dana was deeply upset by. Fortunately, he stopped fiddling with his parts and finally slipped into the soothing hotspring bath, bringing relief and ease to the shattered, exhausted goddess. With the easing of the creature¡¯s constant pain, Dana felt her bonds loosen, just a little. With effort, she began to wriggle and struggle to free herself, as the wretch began to slip into shallow, dreamless sleep in the hot, bubbling water. The sun slipped lower, as evening approached on silent purple slippers of shadow. A warm breeze blew up from the valley floor, scented with growing things and faintly of smoke from the city¡¯s fireplaces. In a tranquil state, he slipped away into restful slumber in the bath. Careless of the beauty around her sleeping prison, Dana struggled and filled for an endless time, until she finally found a small gap, a crack in the lunatic¡¯s body, soul and Mind that was just wide enough to allow her passage back into the endless meadow on the Madman¡¯s moon. She was halfway through that narrow, winding fissure into the ether, when her world, once more, was shaken and thrown into chaos. A slow building pressure began to grow behind her, a massive, irresistible force, pushing the goddess onward relentlessly at ever greater¡­ Words like speed, velocity and ballistic trajectory don¡¯t mean much in the space between and among worlds and dimensions. Energy mattered though, energy was the only ¡®real¡¯ ¡®thing¡¯ in the ¡®place¡¯ she found herself¡­ and that energy was not hers. With a helpless scream of¡­ the closest thing an immortal can come to terror; Dana shot through the fissure and blasted back into the endless meadow. Whatever force hurled her back, cast the helpless divine high into the sky above the standing stones; far, far above them and falling rapidly. # High on the mountain pass, overlooking a deep, jagged and narrow valley, Shai began her slow and careful ritual, on the same rocky outcropping her kids had camped on when they had come to the mouth of the void. The remnant magic of their crafts eased her own working greatly, as she slowly pulled her sturdy, slate roofed stone roundhouse into existence. With her friends playing along on their own instruments, crafted by her boy¡¯s hands and still linked in subtle ways to his very soul¡­ and so to hers as well, she began to draw on their Mana, sipping a little from each to bolster her own flagging reserves. Cause, baby, there ain''t no mountain high enough! Ain''t no valley low enough! Ain''t no river wide enough! To keep me from getting to you, babe! She sang and danced, performing a song from another world and time, with and for her close friends and kin, as energies slowly gathered under her dancing feet¡­ Magic and music drawn from human souls, the spirits of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water and Light slowly gathered and began to coalesce. She reached through the bond she shared with her fool, the entangling, magical, spiritual and soul bonds that fate and wicked gods had ensnared them both in. Deep in a back corner of her mind, a normally disused section of cerebral architecture began to come to life, directed by her carefully honed Will and Mind. Though she was late in copper rank, nearly into bronze and her boy had been forcibly gimped, cursed and de-ranked; his gift was still hard to manage. It tugged and surged at her, restlessly demanding more Mana and spiritual essence than she alone possessed. Today the struggle seemed even more desperate, the wild and untamed magics of her husband¡¯s soul were riled up and disturbed by something. Her control and concentration were sorely tested by some kind of magical interference from an unknown source. Despite the strange magical impedance, a wet, gray cloud bank drifted over the deep valley, cloaking the local area in dense, constantly shifting mist, obscuring all but vague hints of what was going on. Her home¡¯s low conical, slate roof and central chimney slowly emerged in the dense mist, standing over a much smaller garden. The humble dwelling was ringed by a low stone wall, enclosing a small courtyard holding the ubiquitous Ward family hotspring bath. A few fruit trees and vegetable beds lay among the flowers and shrubs in her compact yard, in a faint reflection of her husband¡¯s expansive land and plantings. Likewise, her outdoor bath was much smaller, though still ridiculously large and delightfully landscaped. Without Gary¡¯s presence, she still couldn¡¯t call their home into being; his splendid inn would remain locked away in the void, unless the kids helped him call it forth at their campsite. Her companions seemed enthusiastic; despite her home¡¯s limitations, it was still a treasure beyond price to the weary riders. Within thirty minutes, the mists and obscuring fog cleared, beginning to drift down from the chimney top, first and slowly thinning away. As the last scrap of fog faded, a loud sound rang out from deep within the humble stone home, a deafening bang of shattering wood, followed by the clang of stone hitting metal thundered out and fell silent. ¡°What was that?¡± The count asked gently, as Shai nearly tripped in the final steps of her intricate spell dance. ¡°Fie¡­ I dinnae ken. There were some strange resistance or impedance all through, though.¡± She grumbled, deeply dissatisfied by her ending stumble. ¡°Let¡¯s see what folly we have wrought.¡± She sighed as she opened the door. # *Warning* Hostile curses: null-count/unknown number. Multiple curses detected in your soul/body/Mind interface. Begin DeBug process? Yes/No? *Warning* Gary blinked a few times as he awoke. That was the usual message, the one that he dismissed every morning by flicking ¡®No¡¯. It usually didn¡¯t show up again until morning, but every once in a while, after a really good nap it would pop up again¡­ The second one was new, though. *Warning* Alien and hostile entity/entities detected: two (2) hostile presences have been detected in your soul/body/mind interface. Alien forces will be expelled, some disruption of normal processes may occur. Please be patient. *Warning* He felt a lurching sensation in his guts, which quickly shot up and out through the top of his head in a silent, screaming wail of agony and terror¡­ perhaps it was two screams, in perfect, shrill harmony. # ¡°Wait here. I must need see what is gone awry in there.¡± Shai grumbled, as she opened her door and peered inside; she couldn¡¯t sense any hostile forces or anything too weird¡­ But there was a huge hole in her floor, punched up from below; right through the wide, oak planks near the fireplace. Her best big iron kettle was tipped over by the hearth, with a crack in the side and something white inside it. ¡°Fie¡­¡± She muttered crossly, as she focused her Will to repair her illusory floorboards. The kettle was real and would want mending¡­ She tipped the heavy, iron cauldron upright and looked inside, while considering that task. From her cookpot, the tarted up, swankily dressed idol of Dana, goddess of Healing, her fool husband had created lay inside; complete and undamaged. She held up the holy prostitute projectile and did a little fast mental math¡­ Some terrible force had launched the relic through their shared connection; from the ritual circle in his basement workshop, into hers¡­ and up through her floor, to ring her best cookpot like an iron bell. ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± She muttered at the silent, inert ritual object. ¡°Fie, at least ye kinnae shriek and yell in this state.¡± The exhausted Adventurer sighed and stashed the idol away, before it could cause any more trouble. Shai tucked it in a mundane satchel, which she slung over her shoulder with a wan smile for her friends and family, all clustered around the doorway. ¡°Come in, ¡®twas a project of that fool of mine that went wrong. All is well now.¡± It wasn¡¯t a lie, not really. The crowd tumbled in, jostling and goofing in their excitement and eagerness. All the old patterns fell into place quickly.Dannyl and Ivy hit the kitchen and started cooking, Tallum had the bikes in the shed out back, checking them over, while Liam and Shai fussed over the party members themselves. In a little over an hour, the people were fed, the machines and gear tended and the house on the point settled down for a long evening, before a long day on the morrow. ¡°Shai¡­ is everything really alright?¡± Liam asked finally, in a quiet moment by the fireplace. The soft crackle and hiss of the fire was soothing and familiar, since it was fueled with actual wood, that helped to ease her worries. ¡°His mad idol of holy Dana did get launched with great force into my basement, brother.¡± She murmured. ¡°I think it did him and me no harm, but I do wonder¡­ What would the goddess experience from such?¡± ¡°Distressing¡­ sister.¡± The young count muttered, having no better answer for the kind of madness they were discussing. ¡°We can only address the task before us, I suppose.¡± # The Two Pronged Crown Ch: 25 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance The Two Pronged Crown Ch: 25 In the trackless, endless ether, where space, time and matter are dimly understood concepts, there were many, many ¡®places¡¯ to hide. On the shady underside of a nebulous cloud of semi sentient proto minds that might just develop into a conscious being in a few eternities, a shivering, slippery being was busily taking stock and considering new thoughts and ideas, while squirming deeper into the concealing morass of almost beings. To be ephemeral, to have an ending¡­ the idea shocked and horrified her, she was eternal! No local godling or pack of mortal witches could do what they had claimed¡­ despite the rumors circulating in the ether. She shivered and exuded a new slime coating to reassure herself, luxuriating in the slippery, snottiness of it. Every immortal among the rifts and voids it seemed, knew someone, who knew someone who had ¡®died¡¯ in some impossible, mysterious way. ¡°Impossible¡­¡± She whispered into the empty void around, only the senseless, drifting fragments were around to hear. ¡°I can start over in some other domain. There are other worlds to enjoy¡­¡± She sighed, as her newly discovered fear made up her mind. ¡°Hi there, Thereissq¡­¡± Ward said softly, as he slowly coalesced in the little patch of hazy nowhere she was skulking in. ¡°You can¡¯t hide from the dead, ¡®mighty slug matron¡¯... Certainly not after creating so very many of them, with your despicable spawn.¡± He crooned as his vast shadow loomed over her and began to blot out the twinkling and swirling vista of the void. ¡°The body controlling, slimy, slug parasite trope is a reliable choice; nasty and uncreative, but hey¡­ You do you, mucus and eyestalks will get you pretty far with most folks, just on the yuck factor.¡± ¡°I know¡­¡± He smiled, as he stepped fully into being before the slug demon. ¡°Upsetting, isn¡¯t it? You¡¯ve been silenced by my Will. That¡¯s the difference between a god, operating within his remit and a slimy, sneaking demon. An outsider demon who foolishly, has been playing with my toys; in ways I do not condone¡­ not even a little.¡± He shook out his glorious bat wings and took a dramatic pose against the endless backdrop of the eternal nothing. ¡°I need a rocky prominence to stand on heroically for this scene¡­¡± He shook his head happily and grinned with a large number of very sharp, white teeth. ¡°See that nebula over my shoulder? That¡¯s a friend of the family; the Devourer of Souls. You played games with mortal souls once too often; now you¡¯ve been caught with your pseudopod in the cookie jar.¡± He paused, as if allowing the silent slug creature a chance to speak, but only for a moment, and only to be infuriating. ¡°I know! It hardly seems fair¡­ Mortals, they¡¯re so fleeting; while we are eternal. What¡¯s the harm if you wipe out a few¡­?¡± He smiled that cold hungry grin again. ¡°Welcome to the place where those who fuck around, get to find out¡­ Welcome to¡­ The Twilight Zone.¡± He giggled madly and sighed. ¡°I can¡¯t resist a cheesy line.¡± The slug began to exude the toxic, intoxicating, spiritual mucus her kind were known for, while squealing for aid in frequencies of magic unavailable to those with skeletons. She did her best to slip into a tiny gap between worlds, only to find the passage barred to her. ¡°You can¡¯t escape that way anymore, I¡¯ve touched you with my shadow and sealed you in this place. One of us is going to visit the Devourer before this is done, Terry.¡± Ward chuckled darkly¡­ which, under the circumstance was pretty darkly, indeed. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what¡¯s happening¡­ I can call you Terry, right? Here¡¯s where things get interesting.¡± He leaned on a lamppost that didn¡¯t exist, until summoned by his Will and chuckled. ¡°You can¡¯t escape into one of your numberless spawn, anymore, you spineless slimeball. Body jumping is forbidden to you now, forbidden by my Will.¡± He giggled a little, when the thing¡¯s peepers shot out to the end of its goopy eyestalks in sudden horror and realization. ¡°I¡¯m a demigod of Death, Vengeance, Justice and Golden Figs; not Murder. My patron goddess hasn¡¯t passed judgment on you, so I can¡¯t just butcher you myself... She has some strict rules about these kinds of things and I only get my hands dirty under special circumstances. You just aren¡¯t that special, snotball. My second cultist¡¯s sacred beast will do my murdering for me.¡± As the humanoid god spoke, a yard long, glossy black serpent slithered out of his sleeve, crawled down his body and slid toward the trembling, glistening slug demon. It tried to flee, first through the ether, then into a physical realm that was ¡®nearby¡¯ as travelers in the void considered such things. Despite her mighty struggles, she remained fixed in a single point in the endless expanse; frozen under the ¡®eye¡¯ of the ancient and inscrutable Devourer of Souls. ¡°My serpent friend is still unnamed, but he needs no name to do this work.¡± Ward remarked as his pet slipped across the void toward the imprisoned immortal. The snake grew as it slithered across the nothing, becoming a huge, fearsome, jet black monster adder; its silver eyes and fangs glinting redly in the Devourer¡¯s light. Too swiftly for even the immortal¡¯s eyes to follow, the serpent struck, sinking long, silver fangs into the translucent, glistening slug. Venom poured into the creature; like ink dropped into a glass of water, the dark, shadowy venom spread and billowed through the being of mostly transparent goo. ¡°I get it¡­¡± Ward crooned to the writhing, dying slug, while the serpent returned to him, silent, swift and terrible. ¡°The mortals are just sitting there, living their lives. That¡¯s not very entertaining, is it? Well, now you won¡¯t be just stuck watching and meddling; you¡¯ll be a full player in the endless drama of life and existence.¡± Ward continued, as the snake diminished and returned to his sleeve once more. ¡°That should be exciting for you; except you will be just another fresh new mortal soul, scrubbed clean and ready to be born into some world¡­ somewhere.¡± The slug jiggled and wriggled pitifully, as the venom swiftly spread, curdling its amorphous, moist and nearly transparent orange flesh to a dry, dusty, black husk. ¡°Anticlimactic, I know; but that¡¯s how most lives end. You simply aren¡¯t that special.¡± The god murmured to what was left of the slug matron. ¡°Your spawn will no longer be undying, slime queen. Without you to sustain them, they are all just squishy, mortal slugs now. Consider that as you begin your new life as whatever you turn out to be¡­¡± In the soft, shuddering energies of the dying slug demon¡¯s passing, one of the more developed nodules of drifting, almost soul in the pale, luminous nebula chimed and rang in harmony, absorbing a few traces of the ambient discharge from an unending life, finding an ending. ¡°Well¡­ what¡¯s this?¡± He wondered idly, giving the little thing a poke. ¡°You don¡¯t belong here¡­ not at all!¡± With delicate care, he extracted a battered, damaged, slightly mangled soul from the morass of drifting fragments and tucked it away in his shadow, among so many others awaiting rebirth. Ward didn¡¯t enjoy ether travel, nor did he relish the endless and timeless nothing, as it spread in every ¡®direction¡¯ including time and some brain achingly complex, time related dimensions and phenomena. He shook himself all over to banish those concepts and boogied for the nearest path home, where his sexy dryad infested, forest moon waited. ¡°Home sweet home.¡± He whispered to his bat familiar, Xyll as they slipped back into his little slice of almost heaven. # Together, the expedition team marched in good order, down the rough unimproved trail to the fissure in the mountainside that hid their goal. No hideous beasts came charging forth, no alien horrors lurked in the shadows, it was just a mostly barren, rocky vale with little to recommend it. Count Liam called a halt, just outside the cleft in the mountain. A warm breath of wind escaped from the yawning darkness, constant and silent. ¡°Double check your gear, then check your neighbor¡¯s¡­ We could meet anything on the other side.¡± He said quietly. ¡°I¡¯ll go through first, stay close and don¡¯t get distracted. We¡¯re just taking a look; fall back in good order if there¡¯s trouble.¡± ¡°I should go first, Liam.¡± Dannyl said softly. ¡°I¡¯ve done this a few times before. Everybody, put a hand through a knot and hold on to the cord, no matter what.¡± He had a length of spidersilk rope in his hands, with several loops knotted at regular intervals. ¡°When delvers say they ¡®went through the void¡¯, normies think they¡¯re being dramatic, but that¡¯s literally what will happen. Sometimes there¡¯s no noticeable effect; but often, you get flung through a tunnel in the never. It can be terrifying for the uninitiated¡­¡± He smiled at his closest friends and laughed just a little. ¡°We¡¯ve all been there before, haven¡¯t we?¡± ¡°You think this is one of the weird ones?¡± Liam asked his younger brother. ¡°Almost certain it¡¯s not, but maybe it is¡­ I don¡¯t think any of us would lose it and panic¡­¡± The small, ginger lad smiled weakly at his comrades. ¡°I¡¯d rather feel overly cautious on the other side, than lose any of you in the void.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve done this before? Really?¡± Ivy demanded, as she put her hand through a loop beside Tallum. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t blab it around, but I¡¯m kinda well known in delver circles.¡± He mumbled. ¡°It¡¯s pretty embarrassing.¡± ¡°How many of these have you gone through?¡± Liam asked hotly. ¡°A few dozen. Most lead to barren, monster plagued wastelands and empty, forgotten, haunted cities, castles, crypts and tombs.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Rarely, there¡¯s people, or even actual cities there, but they are always super weird and unpredictable.¡± Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°What does that mean?¡± Tallum asked, in his low, rumbling voice. ¡°There¡¯s a few civilized places, out among the weird and surreal reflections of our world, but only a few are safe to visit. Magic can be very different on the other side; though your gifts will behave normally. Ritual magic can be a little unpredictable¡­¡± He smiled at Ivy and Shai, the two mages in the group and shrugged. ¡°Usually, it works, just be careful.¡± ¡°And you didn¡¯t tell us this before, for a good reason?¡± Liam asked gently. ¡°Partly, it¡¯s the delver¡¯s code¡­ We are not supposed to give any details about the passage to first timers, until we¡¯re at the gate. It¡¯s safer that way.¡± He hung his head a little and sighed. ¡°And, Ward ordered me to keep silent, cause he doesn¡¯t want Gary getting any weird ideas. He¡¯s worried Gary might¡­¡± He held up his palms in the universal ¡®who knows¡¯ sign. ¡°All right, so what else can you tell us?¡± Liam demanded. ¡°Not much, just relax. If it¡¯s a bad one, it might look and feel a lot like the sky in Gary¡¯s old house on the moon¡­ weird, creepy and unsettling.¡± He said firmly. ¡°Close your eyes if you need to, but don¡¯t let go of the rope. I¡¯ll make sure we get there.¡± With that, he squared his shoulders, patted his trusty leather whip case, double checked that everyone was roped up and grinned. ¡°Let¡¯s go on an Adventure!¡± # ¡°No, king papa, we¡¯re going on an Adventure!¡± Daisybelle grumbled. ¡°We don¡¯t wanna wait around for uncle Hermit to wake up.¡± Gandree was too busy noodling on his new guitar to pay much attention¡­ He had new and exciting things to learn and master. It was pretty nice¡­ Strings of groundworm tract and braided spidersilk sang sweetly under his fingers, as he danced up and down the ogre bone frets, flinging music out into the barely rising sun. ¡°Well, where are you headed, then. At least tell me that.¡± The king grumbled sourly. ¡°A few of the others want to meet him too.¡± ¡°We¡¯re going to Port City, on Turtle Island, papa. Hermit can¡¯t go there.¡± She answered smugly. ¡°We will be back and then you can scheme, once my boy has seen some things and knows more¡­ And me, too.¡± ¡°So be it. Come back safely, Daze.¡± He sighed. ¡°Do you need anything? I have plenty of human coins and some jewels lying around somewhere.¡± She waved her father away, shaking her head in denial. ¡°We have what we need¡­ and Gandree boy has a fat pouch of coins now.¡± She glared at him suspiciously, while he continued to explore a sweet, melancholy melody he called ¡®Autumn Leaves¡¯. ¡°I sold some stuff¡­ trinkets, beads and combs. Your sisters liked them so much, I guessed that I could sell them in town¡­ I was right.¡± He answered smugly, without pausing his music. The king joined in, his flute lifting the music into the sky, as dawn approached. Daisybelle produced her ogre skull drum from Nightshade¡¯s ruff, and began to dance and tap along, her sinuous and nimble body entwining and swaying hypnotically. They carried on until full sunrise, savoring a moment of pure and simple Joy, among themselves... Gandree¡¯s fingers stumbled and flailed, as the first rays of the morning sun poured in through the window, along with a torrent of birdsong, joining their performance. The local wildlife held up the young dwarf¡¯s part seamlessly, as something warm, unexpected and deeply pleasant exploded in his chest, detonated by the sunrays on his skin. He sank down off his stool, forming a comfy puddle on the floor, beneath his now silent instrument, with a wide, goofy smile on his face. A scant second or two later, a warm, comfy body poured down on top of him, silently giggling in foolish mirth. Daisybelle¡¯s lips found his; in a sweet, lingering kiss. ¡°I think goddess SmileyFace just kissed us both.¡± She murmured into his mouth. The king sat there for a moment, awkwardly wondering what the protocol was, in this situation. With a helpless shrug, he reached in and plucked the boy¡¯s guitar out of the tangled mess of sleeping kids and sat down for a little Ghnash time; while they snored on the livingroom floor, in a blissful heap. # Gandree woke up with his face pressed between Dasybelle¡¯s boobs, as usual. He¡¯d given up fussing about his ¡®personal space¡¯, since that only made her more clingy and cheerfully, irritatingly cute. Her boobs were also super soft, warm and smelled awesome. Less comfy, soft and awesome was the livingroom floor they were asleep on, alone. The king had disappeared at some point and his guitar was hung on the wall, dangling from a padded cradle made just for his new instrument. He slowly extracted himself from paradise, rolling his cuddle buddy over gently, onto Jasmine. She could snuggle the enormous wolfhound until she woke. Gandree had some thinking to do and something new snuggled close to his heart. The sense of increased vitality and burgeoning power he¡¯d felt growing, since leaving Dwarfhold had blossomed into something radiant and filled with¡­ Joy. The goddess had finally taken hold and become a part of him¡­ and he suspected, in Daisybelle too. He went through his morning workout, stretching in the bright sunshine and savoring every moment of it. First, a few minutes of careful, full body stretching, then finger, palm and wrist exercises. That was followed by a warmup on the flute and guitar and some diligent practice in the garden. Music, soft and tranquil, drifted in the quiet mid morning air; bringing birds, frogs and insects out to play along in tweeting, croaking and buzzing harmony. He played around with this new ability, drawing on his internal forces and his Will to subtly manipulate his new friends¡¯ musical contributions. He looked up at the sound of bare feet on the grass behind him and found Daisybelle, dressed in a very scant outfit, dancing to his music. Flimsy, white silk shorts and a loose, flowing, sleeveless top did little to contain or conceal her bouncy, distracting body. As she danced, she wielded her oar shield and long obsidian knife against an imaginary foe, fiercely stabbing, slashing and bashing, to the rhythm of a cheerful song from somewhere else and long ago. There''s a dark and a troubled side of life, There''s a bright and a sunny side too. Though we meet with the darkness and strife, The sunny side we also may view¡­ Keep on the sunny side, Always on the sunny side¡­ Keep on the sunny side of life! He watched her easy, precise movements as she swayed and spun; butchering unseen foemen with ruthless and elegant grace. He found his eyes focused on her movements, as well as the delicious peeks and glimpses her loose, flowing costume provided. He smoothly shifted into ¡®Sweet Georgia Brown¡¯ to keep her dancing for him as long as he could. Eventually, she sank to the lawn, sweaty, exhausted and with her filmy garments plastered to her sweet, verdigris curves in ways that the poor lad was poorly equipped to deal with. She looked up into his glazed, wondering eyes and grinned a predator¡¯s smile. ¡°Yes, boy¡­ I like dancing for you. Today, you begin to learn my dance and how to fight. Once I¡¯ve had a bath and a nap with you.¡± Her smile became more eager and hungry. ¡°Then, tonight¡­ we begin our journey, you and me.¡± Her tiny, dusky green hand took his, stilling the music at last. She gently led him away to the baths, her pert green bumcake jigging, as she pulled him along and giggled. ¡°I¡¯ve been talk talking with Sabrina and my sisters about your problem, boy of mine¡­¡± She purred, while unbuttoning his long canvas coat in the changing room. ¡°I don¡¯t have a problem¡­¡± He grumbled weakly, during the brief and very one sided battle over his pants. Before he was even fully aware of what was happening, the dwarf lad was in his underthings and hard pressed by a quick, nimble and highly motivated, little green laundry thief. ¡°No problem at all¡­?¡± She purred happily, slipping herself close to him and pressing her body to his. She was still wearing the thin, clingy outfit¡­ but that was no help at all! The almost sheer, white silk vanished against her dusky green skin; becoming an enticing sugar glaze on a sweet treat that he desperately wanted to taste. Her touch and scent aroused a terrifying hunger he was unfamiliar with... Just as her touch sent strange, furious sensations raging through his body and mind. He twitched and squirmed under her wandering hands, enjoying her touch and paralyzed with fear at the same time. Her slim hands wandered over his bare chest, back and flanks, exploring his bulky and corded muscles, while giving voice to happy little snuffles and squeaks of delight when she found a crease or curve in his abdomen that pleased her. ¡°Yes, no problem at all, my boy.¡± She almost growled that last, as her hands darted to the waistband of his undershorts and dropped them to his ankles with one brisk motion. Before he could move, those swift hands clasped him firmly, by one of his firmest parts¡­ and began dragging him to the bathing pool, a wicked and hungry smile on her lips and hunger in those sparkling green eyes. ¡°My sisters all say to wait and be patient with you, my Gandree¡­¡± She purred, while he put up very little resistance to her gentle tugging and soft giggles. ¡°Your sisters seem very clever¡­¡± He gasped when a twitch of her wrist changed his course. She pouted just a little, sweetly gazing at him through her eyelashes. ¡°But¡­¡± She whined and pleaded just a little, while grinning and doing things to her meaty double handful. ¡°Sabrina said I should just pounce on you and gobble you up¡­ Her advice is wise and excellent excellent!¡± She purred, as she pushed him gently down onto the lawn beside his hotspring pool. ¡°Please¡­ you shouldn¡¯t¡­ we¡¯re not supposed to¡­¡± He gasped, as she playfully batted him about, swatting his tender parts aggressively enough to almost cause him pain, but gently enough to feel amazing anyway. ¡°And why not?¡± She growled softly, around a mouthful of his shoulder muscles. She gave his collarbone a little chomp and tightened her grip on his cock, just a mite, when he didn¡¯t answer promptly. ¡°I¡¯m not¡­¡± He stammered. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ because¡­¡± He mumbled and sputtered, unable to say it. ¡°Nobody ever touched you, boy¡­ Nobody there wanted you¡­ ¡®cause they are all double stupids and dumb beardos.¡± She growled fiercely. ¡°Dumb dumb dwarfy rules are double stupid too.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a foundling¡­¡± He sobbed in her arms, as her delightful handful went all squishy and sad in a few heartbeats. ¡°I¡¯m not right¡­ can¡¯t you see? They all saw it, how wrong inside I am¡­!¡± He flung his huge, meaty arms around her and pulled her close, pressing his body to her as he shook and wept. ¡°I want you, boy of mine.¡± She whispered and rocked him back and forth for a while on the lawn, until he fell asleep in her arms; still gently sobbing in his sleep. ¡°Hmph¡­ I should have gobbled him up like Sabrina said.¡± She sighed in his embrace. ¡°I¡¯m holding on to this, for safekeeping.¡± She whispered into his ear, with some of his most entertaining parts cupped in her hands. # Gandree woke up with a pleasant and very comfortable warmth enclosing his bits and pieces. Daisybelle was curled up in his arms, smiling so sweetly that the idea of disturbing her made his heart hurt. Making matters more complicated, she still had both hands around some things that no one had ever touched before¡­ And it felt good. It felt so good, that they started to stir and squirm in her grip. ¡°Mmm, wakey wakey¡­¡± She mumbled happily, giving him a few gentle strokes and pats. ¡°I¡¯ve waited ¡®til you¡¯re ready¡­ Gandree boy; but you¡¯re mine and I¡¯ll make sure you know it.¡± She growled and gave his cock and balls a firm, gentle squeeze; before slipping away from his hungry embrace. She stood on the lawn, her eyes on his for a long moment, before the green, lucious girl began to sway and dance, just for him. She slowly stripped off her flimsy garments, casting her short, silken shirt aside with a sinuous wriggle that made her plump, perky, dark nippled breasts jiggle and bounce. The scanty shorts followed soon after, she dropped them to the lawn and sent the filmy, brief scrap of silk flying at his face with a nimble flick of her toes, followed by a giddy, ringing laugh of pleasure from her throat. Daisybell high kicked, twirled on her toes and danced around him for a few timeless minutes; slipping close enough for a caress, before prancing out of reach again. She took a final, giggling twirl, spinning on quick and agile toes, until she bent double and held her scandalous pose indecently¡­ With her broad green rump aimed right at his face, peering coquettishly at him from between her own ankles. Her green eyes flashed merrily at his shocked expression of stupid surprise and desire; his own foolish eyes flicking between her merry, wicked emerald jewels and the soft, supple secrets she was revealing to him. Her own shy smile was vulnerable and gentle, almost pleading¡­ crying out for acceptance, for love, for him. That tugged at the boy in ways that complemented the other ways her performance was tugging him. He sat there, lost in numb shock, stunned by her saucy, wicked, demure beauty. He spent a few moments marveling at the perfect, delicious wonder of her. Smooth, dusky green skin shaded to a perfect kissable coral pink at her sweet, plump, nearly hairless valley and at her puckered little pink flower, nestled between her sweet round buttcheeks The poor boy¡¯s breath caught in his throat as his heart lurched and thrashed in his chest, crushed by desire. She met his eyes again and grinned more confidently. ¡°Now you¡¯ve seen all of my places, wicked boy. Peeping at me in the bath so naughtily¡­¡± Her scolding tone of mortified embarrassment would have been more convincing if she wasn¡¯t still bent over like that and smiling at him. ¡°I don¡¯t¡­¡± He mumbled, his face red and blazing with a heat she could feel, wherever his eyes landed. ¡°I¡¯ve never¡­¡± ¡°I know, sweet boy¡­ neither have I. We¡¯ll learn this together¡­ though Sabrina did have some good suggestions on how to start.¡± Her sweet, chubby cheeked face vanished from between her ankles, as she brought one foot around in a smooth, graceful pirouette. In an instant she was on him, her lips crashing down on his and her body pressed close, despite the obstacle poking her in the tummy. With a few wriggles and a little creative mauling, She had him poking in the right place, or nearly so. He halted at her gasp of pain, when he pulled her close. ¡°Did I hurt you?¡± He stammered in horror, beginning to wilt again even while she tugged him back toward her tender places, by a rapidly softening handhold. ¡°No¡­ Gandree.¡± She whispered desperately. ¡°You didn¡¯t hurt me¡­ not any more than you should, anyway. Sabrina says that it will hurt a little¡­ the first time.¡± She purred and cooed. ¡°She says that the pain is worth it¡­ and then some.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± He mumbled softly, as he began firming in her hands. ¡°But¡­¡± ¡°No, no¡­ This is too big for my butt¡­¡± She cooed, increasing her stroking frequency and firmness, until he growled deep in his chest and grabbed her, drawing the goblin maiden to himself with those mighty arms. ¡°Daze¡­¡± He gasped hungrily. ¡°I want¡­ I don¡¯t wanna hurt you¡­ not even a little¡­¡± His soft moan of need sent sparks flying through her, as his hands closed around her plump green breasts, caressing and kneading her with surprising gentleness. Too gentle¡­ She raked her short, blunt nails up and down his back, drawing more growls and rumbles from her mighty boy. ¡°Best you stick it where I say, Gandree¡­ and firmly too! Lady¡¯s choice!¡± She whispered in his ear, before clamping her teeth down on his shoulder to muffle her cries of pain, pleasure and happiness. # Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? Ch: 26 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? Ch: 26 Waking up with Daisybelle in his arms had a whole different feeling, when the evening call of the whippoorwill called them from exhausted slumber. He stretched languidly against her and had a nibble of her smooth, green shoulder while she grumbled and complained good naturedly and whined for: ¡°Just a few more minutes¡­!¡± He reluctantly left her to wallow in his bed and went down to make breakfast, with a song in his heart that had definitely not been there before. An hour later he was wearing his traveling clothes, his short ax and long knife at his belt and ready to travel. Daisybelle appraised his gear with a jaundiced eye and huffed. ¡°It¡¯s good for travel in civilized lands and in town¡­¡± She shook her head in a way that suggested she was not pleased with his equipment, as she walked all the way around him. ¡°Best you not wander in the woods alone until we have some forest wisdom in you¡­ Why is your shitter digger slung on your shoulder?¡± ¡°You never know when you¡¯ll need a tune, or a toilet.¡± He replied, with a smile and a wink that she quite liked¡­ a lot. ¡°Hmph!¡± The goblin lass sniffed at him, with a smile of her own. ¡°Nightshade will guard you at all all times, Gandree. We have to pass through dangerous places to get to Turtle Island.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask¡­ how far is this Port City?¡± The lad¡¯s casual shrug said it didn¡¯t matter much. ¡°Not far¡­ by land. We run to the gateway tonight, sleep well and rise at dawn. We must walk in daylight on Turtle Island. Night is for sleeping, there.¡± She failed to answer entirely. ¡°Uh¡­¡± He eloquently requested clarification on the matter. ¡°Far means little, when we travel through the void. Those who know the way and have the keys can get there in a day and a night.¡± She smiled smugly and swatted him on the shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re with Daisybelle, remember?¡± ¡°I remember¡­¡± He sighed, as he clambered onto Nightshade and landed on the saddle hidden in his furry ruff. He¡¯d built a new seat that actually fit him; which was better for everyone, including the giant warg. He snuggled into the warm, doggy scented fur and found the hand grips in the warg¡¯s harness, just as they took off into the narrow forest trails at a loping run. They ran northeast, up the valley and into the foothills, beyond the furthest limits of Goblin Town and up to a familiar meadow, beneath a high, triangular crag, sheltered from the wind by a pine forest. ¡°We camp here again. At dawn we become daylight people¡­ to fit in better.¡± Daisybelle murmured as she dismounted from Petunia. ¡°Port City is¡­ strange. All folk are welcome there, even some very odd beings, only necromancers and necromancy are forbidden there.¡± She murmured while carefully looking away, so he could pull his guitar from his shadow. ¡°Lizard, serpent, dog and cat folk you have seen, as well as bat, otter and badger folk¡­ Not all thinking beings are so familiar in form, some may be quite alarming at first sight.¡± She smiled sadly. ¡°Port Town is a terrible and wonderful place, where anything can be had for money¡­ Which is why it is so wonderful and terrible at once.¡± Gandree listened to her, while he worked his gift in the clearing they would be calling home for what remained of the night. Bringing his house into being again was even easier in this place¡­ the meadow seemed to welcome and embrace his gift, unfolding and spreading his Will and Animus evenly, drawing his home into reality with almost frightening ease. ¡°Either I¡¯m getting better at this, or this place¡­ remembers me? Maybe it remembers¡­ us?¡± He grumbled, when they were all inside and getting settled. The Wargs took over the living room and fireplace, bedding down and grumbling at any suggestion that they move. Daisybell was just as intractable. She flopped her bottom down on the kitchen table and sighed at him dramatically. ¡°A clever boy would have lunch ready for his lady lover, after a hard ride.¡± She complained merrily. ¡°I¡¯m so hungry, and the foolish boy cooks so slowly¡­¡± She sassed and fussed at him while he worked, slowly reheating yesterday¡¯s stew and gently toasting a loaf of bread with butter and fresh grated garlic in the oven, under low heat. Whenever he turned around in the kitchen, she was there, standing in the way, leaning in too close and generally being a nuisance. He reached for a drawer to fetch cutlery and there she was, leaning against the counter. He turned to the cooler and she was there, with the door open; only her perky, round bottom sticking out and happily swaying side to side, as she scavenged in his supplies. Frustrated and amused in equal quantities, the young dwarf delivered a light swat to the snugly uniform clad backside that he adored and smiled when she squeaked in alarm, then giggled. Rather than vacate the fridge, she stuck her bottom even farther out and waggled it at him¡­ as if daring him to take another swat! ¡°Gandree is too gentle¡­Poor wicked Daisybelle will never learn proper manners that way.¡± She purred, when his hand lingered, cupping her bottom gently. ¡°Gandree must give this naughty girl a proper spanking¡­¡± While she whispered, she backed up at him, wielding her firm, bouncy backside as a weapon and encroaching on his territory with her adorable butt. The dwarf lad had few choices, so he brought his hand down on the round, white clad asscheeks that had somehow landed across his lap; before he realized he¡¯d even taken a seat. The crisp sound of calloused a workman¡¯s hand colliding with a firm bottom, wrapped in taut silken trousers was followed by a soft squeak of delighted alarm, from his wriggly lapful. ¡°Oww! Too hard, silly man.¡± She complained sweetly. While she griped, the bubbly girl wriggled her tight uniform trousers down, exposing her green, round cheeks, blushing where his hand print was just beginning to show. Also on display were a few silken ribbons running over her hips and a tiny triangle of lace above her sweet crease, that led to another bit of ribbon, one that promptly dove between her two round, firm, yet bouncy cheeks and vanished. ¡°Better try again, lover¡­ just a little harder!¡± A few crisp swats later, the house fell silent for a while. # A lazy trickle of smoke poured from the oven and stove top, drifting out the open windows on a summer breeze. His stew and garlic loaf were scorched and blackened into a reeking mess, though they¡¯d been forgotten for just a little while. He¡¯d been ¡®distracted¡¯ from his task by a wicked and awful girl¡­ Who was now curled up in his arms, sleeping with a smile on her face and bright pink blush under the green of her little, round, well paddled butt. She woke at the scent of acrid smoke, the cuddly armful squirmed and shoved at him, while keeping her sore bottom up in the cool breeze. ¡°Get up, boy¡­ You forgot all about lunch and burnt it up!¡± Daisybelle whined, while poking at him, since he was done poking her, for now. ¡°I still have some of those meat pies leftover from my great escape¡­¡± Gandree mumbled from between Daisybelle¡¯s breasts; he lived there now, he¡¯d decided. She complained and giggled at him until he rose from the sofa and went back into the kitchen to handle the mess. Beyond inedible, he buried the whole thing and the stew pot as well, in an unmarked shallow grave in the backyard. Scrubbing that thing would have been beyond pointless¡­ Gandree had stolen nearly every pot, kettle, cauldron and cooking pan in Dwarfhold on his way out, just to be a dick. He might not have to scrub a pot for a year. He smiled at the thought as he strolled back inside, returning to the beautiful girl waiting for him on the stoop, wearing not much at all, aside from starlight and her welcoming smile. # Liam and his team were up at dawn, facing their next step down in the barren, rocky valley outside the void maw; the scene was anticlimactic. A few adventurous birds sang and chirped to greet the morning, but only small creatures dwelt on the ground in the shady, narrow vale. There were no trees to speak of, just plenty of hardy thorn bushes and bramble briars. Moss and lichen covered much of the thin, pebbly soil, but too little light and rain reached the crevasse of granite to foster much life. ¡°Should we perform your familiar ritual on this side?¡± Liam asked Ivy, while eying the dark rift in the rock wall that was their next step. ¡°This soil is so poor, Audrey wil take several hours to sprout here, but you could summon Otho¡­¡± ¡°No, let¡¯s do it on the other side. There might be some climbing yet and he¡¯s terrible about caves and caverns.¡± The tiny blonde mage answered, idly stroking a red gold birthmark in the shape of a leaping hound that now covered most of her forearm. # ¡°...the population is becoming increasingly restless and prone to acting up. We¡¯ve had to quell several minor uprisings already, your holiness. An additional levy of children could spark actual unrest¡­¡± The bishop of somewhere unimportant mumbled and whined, flanked by a number of robed government and trade ministers. Pontiff Lumos scowled wordlessly at the human functionaries and waved at them to withdraw. They scurried like frightened rats, almost clambering over each other in their eagerness to flee his presence. The newly young and vigorous pontiff leaned over and spoke quietly to his aide.You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. ¡°Have three of them seized and executed in the temple square... something slow and gruesome.¡± ¡°As you wish, holy father... Which three?¡± His current assistant asked, very carefully. ¡°Oh, you pick, or draw lots¡­ it doesn''t matter. They all have schemes and plots on the boil, I¡¯m sure.¡± The priest king smiled¡­ technically. In truth it was more of an angry grimace¡­ He¡¯d never had time to learn how to operate a human vessel particularly well, there was just so much going on all the time! Speaking of too much going on¡­ ¡°Put together a papal bull declaring a special tithe¡­ We need more human children, more flesh. Tell the human flock that they must increase their rate of reproduction, lest the Light become wroth¡­ or some such pifffle.¡± The pontiff grumbled. ¡°Your holiness, the human cattle are already restive and fretful. Increasing the children¡¯s tithe will be fraught with peril¡­¡± The worthless mortal whined. ¡°You cattle care so much for your offspring¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°Give my orders to your assistant. The humans can choose; make more of them, or we will take more of them. tithing one child in ten is not enough anymore.¡± Lumos commanded. ¡°And submit yourself to the inquisition, for questioning me.¡± Lumos shifted on his throne, once the worthless human had fled. Even with curses of obedience and generations of conditioning, the filthy mortal livestock refused to be managed properly. Once they had gleefully brought their children to the temple, trading them for a few coins or trinkets¡­ Now it took considerable effort just to winkle a few hundred squalling, screaming whelps from the population¡¯s clutches. That filthy green witch had ruined his goblin breeding program in that stable fragmentary world¡­ No more hordes of ravenous green idiots poured from that place, eager to serve as disposable shock troops. All those curses, all those generations of breeding the perfect fast breeding, moronic raiders; all spoilt by a single mutant goblin. Even the single miniscule human town in that realm was lost to the Light. None of his agents or priests had returned, since that filthy goblin witch had appeared. To make matters worse, the slug matron was missing and presumed to have fled for reasons of her own, taking her spawn with her. The few slugs who remained were now enfeebled, stupid and pitifully weak, compared to just a few days before. Even the slave trade was faltering! For untold centuries, a steady supply of humans and beastfolk had poured in from the ports and gateways, as the mortal filth captured and sold each other off, for a few shiny objects. All of that had collapsed recently, within the last ten or fifteen years the trade had dwindled to a pathetic trickle. Lately, hardly any of his reliable slaver guilds were producing anything, even adults would be welcome at this point¡­ The slave trade¡¯s outsider leaders had fled, experiencing this new ¡®Fear¡¯ thing that so many of them were excited over. Without proper leadership, the slave markets of the city of Light were a sad and desolate place¡­ only a few scrawny ragged, worn out scraps could be had at any price. Even the pontiff¡¯s own pet project, the experimental squid lich, had finally failed him. The ship and the whole crew were missing on the prime world, presumed to have been taken by pirates or sunk by mortal forces. It was a pity, he¡¯d been the most diligent and productive of the Light¡¯s minions, delivering cargos of human slaves; even unspoilt children to the temple with regularity. That experiment had borne so much fruit.. Perhaps it was time to expand the operation aggressively¡­ Lumos attempted another smile, with limited success as he contemplated a bold new idea. Even the best human slavers had a tendency to despoil and befoul the best stock before turning them over¡­ Virgins were always so desperately needed and so terribly rare, at any price. The disgusting mortals just couldn¡¯t seem to keep their filthy, biological desires away from their product. The undead had no such troubles and served reliably, without complaints. Lumos contemplated that thought for a while and managed an actual smile. ¡°Mobilize my navy. We need more slaves, more flesh for the coming battles¡­ And call for all of my necromancers.¡± Lumos finally muttered, confident that his new aide would be present to hear his words. ¡°We must be prepared¡­¡± # ¡°Well, I wasn¡¯t prepared for this¡­¡± Count Liam Kinnis muttered, standing on a rocky outcropping, overlooking a verdant and noisy jungle. The journey had been brief, uneventful and actually quite pleasant¡­ As the team filed into the narrow cleft in the granite mountain, darkness engulfed them one by one. Within a few steps, the other side emerged. The tunnel opened onto a volcanic cliffside, bright and sunlit, with a warm breeze scented of the sea blowing across their faces. Below them a small island spread out, a half mile wide at most, surrounding the bare, weathered cone of an extinct volcano. No human habitations appeared at a glance, nor any sign of active intelligent life at all. A wide, stone cut road led in a lazy spiral down the cone of the steep, squat, extinct volcano, ending at the ruins of some kind of town. All around, the wide azure sky met a trackless ocean, with low waves glinting in the sun and seabirds wheeling in the empty vault of the heavens. ¡°Did anyone bring a boat?¡± Dannyl asked calmly, once everyone had a look around. ¡°I kinnae even fit Seahorse in my gift¡­ Amy and the boys have all the boats with them.¡± Shai muttered unhappily. ¡°Nae that we should go sailing on that tropical sea¡­ So close at hand and so blue¡­¡± Her obvious regret was palpable and hilarious to Ivy. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ looks nice, doesn¡¯t it¡­?¡± The blonde mage sighed wistfully, with a wicked smile. ¡°Well, let¡¯s explore this island, get the lay of the land¡­¡± Dannyl grinned and took a deep breath. ¡°This is my favorite part.¡± Since they were standing on the lip of the squat volcano, around a hundred yards above the treetops and visible from almost every point on the tiny island; the team marched down in a loose formation, paying little heed to stealth. It took half an hour to get down to the low, rolling flatlands and the jungle, switchbacking and curving around until a few members of the group started feeling a little vertigo. The road debauched onto a wide, barren space; composed of layer after layer of mine tailings and gravel, flattened and compacted over and over again. The ruined town was built on the farther edge of the space, leaving two acres of flat, empty ground. Only weeds and the occasional patch of saltgrass or prickleweed grew on the wide plain of shattered stone and gravel. It was too heavily compacted and too barren to support the jungle life, even after being abandoned for so long¡­ At least from the looks of what was left of the town. All the roofs were caved in and most of the walls had tumbled over, broken by the jungle¡¯s return. Vines, creepers, canebrakes and mature trees clogged every door and window, only the weathered remains of the town jutted from the forest, barely visible from the ground level. The forest had nearly consumed the pitiful work of mortal hands, cheerfully taking back what was hers, slowly but surely. ¡°Could have biked that¡­¡± Ivy complained sourly, at the bottom. ¡°Basecamp here?¡± She asked, while rubbing her poor, giant husband¡¯s shins and calves, in an attempt to relieve his cramps. ¡°I told you this would happen if you didn¡¯t keep up your cross country training¡­¡± She switched back to fussing at her huge mate over his fitness, or lack thereof. ¡°Aye, basecamp¡­¡± Shai mumbled thoughtfully. ¡°I¡¯ll be taking it slow and careful, in this new place¡­ Watch o¡¯er me, comrades, I¡¯ll be immersed in this working for a while.¡± Wordlessly, Tallum and Dannyl faced the jungle and the abandoned town; while Liam watched over the low, marshy mangroves at the shore a few hundred yards away, across the broad, barren wasteland. They settled in to listen to the music of Shai¡¯s violin and chimes, joined by Ivy¡¯s drum, just like old times. Shai began carefully pacing off her ritual site, driving stakes into the gravel bed at each point of the compass and then at the quadrants. Once the stakes were set, she walked the perimeter of her site anti clockwise, stepping heel and toe for the entire distance. Normally, she could simply conjure her home forth with a truly crushing outlay of Mana, which would drain her dry and leave her useless for hours. A few preparations and a little extra time spent casting her spells would reduce that cost greatly¡­ and she would still be ready for any trouble that might come along. For the same reason, she avoided drawing any Mana from her comrades, trading a slow, careful ritual for a greatly reduced cost in her magical and spiritual energies. Ivy settled in with her drum to assist the working, while the others spread out to patrol the area and keep watch. Poor Shai spun and danced her spell for a good long while indeed, using her physical Stamina to the limit, while only depleting her Mana pools by half when the job was finally done. Within a half hour, they were all inside the sturdy stone garden wall working on their next steps, while Shai recovered in the bath. The exhausted giantess snored softly, while Tallum and Dannyl kept watch over the wide flat plain around their little stronghold in the wilderness of another world. Liam stripped down to his arming suit and underthings, before squatting in Shai¡¯s garden bed to dig a hole with his war shovel. He dropped a large, pink seed into the hole and drew a small line of crimson down his forearm with the keen edged, enchanted garden tool. He gently watered his planting with fresh blood, drawn from the colorful snapdragon vine tattooed on his arm and shoulder. ¡°Audrey should be mobile in a half hour, and fully developed in an hour...¡± The count said quietly as he sealed the wound in his arm with a dollop of violet goop. ¡°Same here.¡± Ivy sighed, with a tiny, red-gold puppy in her arms. ¡°Otho hates being resummoned¡­¡± She sighed, while giving the grumpy little ball of fluff a tummy rub. ¡°I promise I won¡¯t leave the house until you¡¯re ready, you big goofball.¡± She told the complaining pup, speaking firmly. ¡°Early lunch, then?¡± Dannyl suggested, drawing strong backup from Tallum. Three chimes rang from the small bell by the door to Shai¡¯s house, by the time they were ready to scout out the little island¡­ though their journey down the volcano had exposed every inch of the place to their view. So far, nothing more dangerous than seabirds had appeared. Well fed and rested, Dannyl, Shai and Liam strode out in full kit, to survey the island after a hearty lunch. The three humans vanished into the jungle and were gone in mere seconds; while Audrey, the vibrantly colorful snapdragon familiar disappeared even more swiftly, melting into the riot of greenery as if she¡¯d never been there. ¡°Let¡¯s start dinner. Otho, take watch.¡± Ivy directed, once the exploration team was out of sight. # The jungle was so thick and entangled, the team wound up slowly circling the island on the low, sandy dunes and windswept rocks of the perimeter, just above the tideline. Nothing roared from the trackless forest, nor did any leviathans rise from the shallow, crystal clear waters. Of intelligent life they found few signs, beyond a tiny shipwreck among dunes behind the mangroves, well above the tide line. The broken mast of a shattered, small trader stuck up from a sand dune, covered with clumps of saltgrass and riddled with woodworms and other crawling nibblers. Nothing of value remained on the fifty foot wreck, not even a name; all the paint had long since been blasted away by salt and sand, just as all the rigging, superstructure, decking and cargo had been devoured by the hungry wind, wildlife and time. A multitude of colorful fish and other creatures swarmed the coral reefs that surrounded the little speck of land. Sea turtles and crustaceans abounded as well, along with eels and whatever lurked in the shadowy crevices and deeps, waiting for night. Ashore, coconut crabs, land lobsters, crawling, creeping, flying and burrowing life flourished in the tanglewoods, hunting and being hunted in their mind boggling variety. Jewel bright, giant dragon and damselflies buzzed and soared among the wetlands and waterways, patrolling their territories and swooping on any prey they found. The mosquitos were particularly offensive; these were abnormally large, even for giant skeeters. Worse yet, they were active day and night, appearing in two distinct varieties at least. The nocturnal species hid in the wet, jungle foliage during the day and were much like the moth winged, sneaky variety on the islands back home. The daylight pests were hummingbird sized, fast flying, needle tipped horrors, always waiting to swoop on any unprotected, warm blooded being. Aggressive and mindless, they moved in swarms, boldly attacking the few mammals and birds that lived among the trees. More than once the team ran across a small deer, boar or a seagull on the verge of the forest, drained of blood and left for the crabs to devour. Fortunately, their insect repelling charms remained effective, while Audrey was having a fine time. She had developed a new display of red, wide petaled, heart shaped blooms, scattered all over her vine and brambly, snapdragon body. The blossoms were warm, smelt of human breath and warm blood; a very tempting aroma, to a certain class of insects. Her ¡®perfume¡¯ drifted through the forest on the soft breeze, drawing a vast swarm of the awful things to her vines. Quick as a beartrap, the blossoms snapped closed at the first poke of a proboscis, folding into a tough, woody cocoon that actively chewed and swallowed the filthy thing, before popping back open after a few seconds, eager for more. The monster plant roamed the forest verge all the way around the island, gorging itself on both varieties of skeeters, several species of venomous midges, numberless biting flies and a vast legion of sneaky kissing beetles. Those last were a flattened, stealthy bug, related to assassin bugs that preferred to steal blood from sleeping creatures, usually by attaching near the victim¡¯s mouth¡­ or anus. The festering, parasite riddled sores they left behind were the bane of many a traveler in untamed wildlands. ¡°She¡¯s going to be insufferable after this¡­¡± Liam sighed sadly, while smiling at the carnage she wrought on the filthy blood suckers. It took four hours for the team to circumnavigate the island and return home to the house on that blasted plain of weathered gravel, where Otho the dog waited at the gate, tail wagging excitedly.. ¡°Yes, darling, you may go play¡­ let us know if you find anything dangerous.¡± The count called to his very smug flower dragon. ¡°Stay away from the ruins and make sure you don¡¯t eat anyone sentient!¡± He scolded her from the gate of Shai¡¯s house, as she vanished into the forest. ¡°We¡¯ll investigate the ruins and the mine tomorrow; what¡¯s for dinner?¡± Liam asked eagerly, once he was inside the house and shucking his gear with the others. # ¡°Tell no one¡­ this passage is a goblin secret and is sealed against others, unless they have the key!¡± She whispered, holding up a bracelet of small, colorful clay beads, tied around her slim wrist with a jolly yellow tassel dangling from the complex ritual knot. She and the wargs led him up a short, rubble strewn slope from the pleasant little meadow and his home. Behind a massive boulder of dark gray rock that seemed slightly out of place among the pale, gray granite cliffs all around; his slender guide vanished into the shadow of the stone. ¡°Down here, a secret way, hidden by the boulder¡¯s magic.¡± She called from a hidden crevice in the mountainside. ¡°That rock fell from the sky, they say¡­ it hides the emanations of this entrance from those who do not already know.¡± She giggled merrily, while the wargs dragged and pushed him along in the narrow space behind the stone. The passage slowly darkened, becoming a tunnel, leading deeper into the mountain. His dwarven eyes adjusted to the fading light quickly, revealing the rugged, nearly unworked walls and the floor, which had been crudely leveled with soil and gravel. The tunnel stretched on, running at a slight upward angle, until his vision ended suddenly, thirty yards ahead. No wall or obstruction closed the passage, he just couldn¡¯t see beyond that point. Daisybelle paused a few yards away and turned to face her nervous companion. ¡°You have passed through one of these before¡­ We are just doing the same again. That, my lover love, is where this world ends¡­ and another begins.¡± # A Hard Day’s Night Ch: 27 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance A Hard Day¡¯s Night Ch: 27 Gandree blinked in the bright light of morning, standing just inside a shallow depression, high on a granite cliff. They stood on a barren stone shelf, above a wide and well cultivated plain, dotted with small hamlets, roads and canals. Farms spread out from the foothills as far as the eye could see, ending at the first low rise in the land. Forest dominated much of the remaining view, dense and green from the foothills up the mountains stretching off into the distance. Far on the horizon a city stood, tall spires and high white walls reflecting the sun¡¯s glory in splendor. ¡°Is that our destination?¡± Gandree asked excitedly. Even from miles away the place was a splendid and vibrant spectacle. He stepped out of the shadowy crevice, headed for a narrow game trail leading down the heavily forested hillside from their perch. His eager smile and dancing eyes brought a sad smile to Daisybelle¡¯s lips. ¡°No, lover of mine mine. If you go to that city you will never return.¡± She murmured. ¡°That is one of the cities ruled by the cult of light¡­ This is a dangerous place for those who are not powerful, or who are not protected by the powerful. Without a house brand or the tattoo of a clerical faction, you would be snapped up and enslaved, or sacrificed to their filthy cult.¡± ¡°So why did we come here?¡± He whispered, slipping back into the shadowed nook with the goblin lass and her hounds. ¡°We pass through this land to get to our next passage.¡± She groped his shoulder and gave him a shake to jostle him out of his mood¡­ She tried, anyway. It was like trying to shake a mountain. ¡°Don¡¯t worry worry so much¡­ A mile from the city walls and out of sword¡¯s reach of one of their warbands, the cult of light has little power and few friends among the people. Most of those who might see us are unlikely to speak of it and those we must avoid are generally stupid, noisy and woods-foolish.¡± ¡°So the people don¡¯t like their cult?¡± He asked, deeply perplexed by the thought. ¡°Are they all like the ones who came to the human town, that day?¡± ¡°Most humans are simple¡­ good hearted and open handed people; caring little for rulers, gods and cults. If left to work their crafts and arts, they are fine neighbors.¡± She sighed, sitting on a boulder and watching the tiny boats ply the canals in the distance. ¡°All this land, this forest, everything and everyone you see belongs to the cult of light¡­ or so they would have the humans believe.¡± Her voice had a slight growl in it as she continued. ¡°They give commands, make demands and enforce them with their armored bandit knights, but no priest can walk unguarded among the people and live. Never will they leave their temples, without many armored knights clanging and clattering along.¡± ¡°So why don¡¯t the people overthrow them? Are they so mighty?¡± The dwarf asked, staring out at the vast landscape. ¡°There are so few knights and warriors now, they could. It would be woeful and bloody, but very short.¡± She grumbled. ¡°They have not and will not rise up, not unless something changes to upset the delicate balance these people sit astride. Humans are adaptable, creative, stubborn and often foolish. They can learn to accept anything, if they are given even a hint of hope for something better someday. Even slavery, even sacrificing their children to the filth that rules this place.¡± ¡°Children?¡± The dwarf asked softly. ¡°Just as your clan wished to enslave you, if they could get away with it, these people submit one child in ten from their villages to the temple every year. They believe that the children go for schooling and training, to become clerics, knights or scholars¡­¡± Her smile faltered as she spoke. ¡°They believe this, even though they know it is a lie. Most of those children go to sacrificial altars, for devil summonings, occult experiments or simply become slaves to the nobles and wealthy of the city.¡± ¡°That¡¯s horrifying¡­ Why do they put up with the cult? ¡°Humans are adaptable.¡± She answered with a shrug. ¡°They can learn to accept almost anything, if you convince them they have no other choice. Eventually they will rise up¡­ until that day they will be under the thumb of those who care nothing for them.¡± She muttered sadly. ¡°That¡¯s crazy.¡± Gandree mumbled. ¡°Was your life before so different?¡± She asked softly. Daisybelle¡¯s smile returned a few seconds later. ¡°For our purposes, any human who sees us will either flee in a panic, or pretend that he sees nothing at all unusual. We must simply take care to avoid any armed and armored fools.¡± ¡°So we slip by in the night?¡± He asked warily. ¡°No, we stay in the forest, traveling by day. High up among the hills and trees; where mounted knights do not go, are trails we can use safely. They ride their roads and sail the waters; the woods are my domain, we will pass unnoticed.¡± ¡°Boats¡­¡± The dwarf whispered softly. ¡°I saw someone in a little boat on the lake, before we left. What happens if you fall out of a boat?¡± ¡°If you fall off a boat¡­ you swim, lover. Come now, enough silly questions. We must slip over the ridge and be gone while none are here to notice us.¡± In a blur of dark fur and padding paws, they swarmed out onto the cliff and up a thin ledge, into the deep woodlands on the mountainside. True to her word, they ran for the entire day, through alpine woodlands and thickly forested foothills, all without encountering anyone. Though the dwarf was no woodsman, even he noted that there were no signs that people ever passed over those trails. They crossed no roads, campsites or even signs of hunting or forestry in their journey, though the well watered and cultivated valley floor was almost always in view. If they turned their feet downslope, they could have been among the croplands in an hour or less on foot. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. They paused for a late lunch in a well screened meadow surrounded by a dense aspen forest. Once the wargs declared the camp site safe, Gandree wasted no time preparing a cold lunch, served up from his shadowy storeroom of pilfered victuals and wonders. ¡°Not being able to watch you produce these things From your magic is vexing, lover¡­¡± Daisybelle grumbled around a ham and cavern mushroom sandwich. ¡°Mysteries make life more exciting¡­¡± The lad answered smugly, just as the goblin king had suggested. ¡°Bah, kingpapa says the same when he won¡¯t let me see how his magic works¡­¡± She complained halfheartedly. ¡°He says looking into the void makes the magic more difficult, or even impossible.¡± ¡°That¡¯s how it works, Daze¡­ Even if I don¡¯t know someone¡¯s looking, the magic fails.¡± He grumbled back at her, frustrated by his own lack of information. ¡°I feel it, if the attention of any sentient being is on me, when I try to do anything with my shadow. Your dad says it¡¯s got something to do with whether magic is a wave, a particle, or something else.¡± ¡°All that weird talk talk makes me wonder about you, my silly one. Though perhaps I should consider it, since you have gods and goddesses falling from the sky, where you walk.¡± # Lady Dana refused to speak of where she had been, before her screaming, undignified, plummeting return to the eternal meadow, near the standing stones on the Madman¡¯s moon. When gently pressed on the matter, she turned right red and insisted on washing her hands, mumbling about: ¡°Filthy biologicals and their disgusting¡­ Parts!¡± Divines never ¡®lose it¡¯ or ¡®freak out¡¯ such a thing would be impossible¡­ When lady Dana had regained her equanimity, she called for her minions to gather. ¡°Find a way to release me¡­ from this abomination. Whatever is required, this thing must end.¡± Her voice had a cold, hard edge to it that even Caduceus the Physician had never heard before. ¡°Radiant lady Dana, This is a mortal art of witchery and ill intentions¡­ We have little understanding of it. Even were the creature slain, I have some doubt that the spell would end.¡± The divine Physician murmured uncomfortably. ¡°Where is my witch? Where is Baba Yaga?¡± Dana demanded hotly. ¡°I know not, blessed one.¡± He mumbled. ¡°She keeps her own counsel and seldom appears here, of late.¡± ¡°Find her! I must be freed of this horror, before it happens again!¡± She gasped. ¡°Divine and radiant one, what is ¡®it¡¯?¡± Airmid the herbalist asked gently of the shaken and volatile divine. ¡°Never you mind!¡± Dana hissed in a very un-divine fury. ¡°And bring me a basin to wash my hands.¡± she snarled at the fleeing lesser goddess. ¡°It was so veiny¡­¡± Dana whispered her secret trauma, when none could hear. ¡°Veiny, lady Dana?¡± Marduk asked cheerfully. ¡°What kind of dangly, veiny, wrinkly things have you been handling? Was it anyone I know?¡± ¡°Save your abominable smirks and innuendos, godling. Speak and begone.¡± She snapped at the smiling blonde deity. ¡°You seem to think I can be compelled to follow your commands¡­ Frankly, I can barely even force myself to listen to them. You have become tiresome, is what I¡¯m saying.¡± He batted his long, golden lashes at the distressed goddess and smiled in the most patently false way he could manage. ¡°In any case, I¡®ve come to tell you that I¡¯ve analyzed the sensory data from your little misadventure on the mortal side. My friend is completely unaware that you were spying on him in those private moments, what you experienced was a side effect of your current state¡­¡± He smiled again, just as infuriatingly. ¡°You saw?¡± She gasped, as ¡®Mortification¡¯, ¡®Embarrassment¡¯ and ¡®Humiliation¡¯ became part of her immortal essence. ¡°How could you? Why would you?¡± She sputtered and stammered, lost in new and exciting levels of degradation and misery. ¡°Once, I shared his senses regularly; before your boyfriend and his flunkies decided to fumble about in my cultist¡¯s soul and completely wreck the place.¡± The tiny god snarled at the Healer. ¡°You demanded he be censured, cursed and bound for his ¡®crimes against the pantheon¡¯. Now you know what you¡¯ve done¡­¡± A tiny, furious god glared at her, somehow seeming to loom and tower above the Healer. ¡°The crimes you have committed against these mortals are egregious and ongoing! The consequences of your actions have begun to pile up, even to the point of damaging your divine essence¡­ is that not a concern? Instead, you dedicate your resources to escaping the repercussions of your own ignorant, fumbling attempts to play with my toys!¡± ¡°You have no stake in this matter, Marduk!¡± She snapped back, fury of her own spilling from her aura in waves. ¡°How and when I use mortals is not your concern!¡± ¡°Using mortals¡­ That sounds very little like the Dana I remember from the dim olden days when mankind was young. You and I were there when they took their first feeble steps into this world. Have you forgotten that we needed them, as much as they needed us, so long ago?¡± ¡°What are you suggesting, Marduk?¡± She demanded, with slightly less heat in her tone. He gazed up at the furious goddess for a few moments, allowing his aura of tranquil, contemplative peace to drift over the divine Healer¡¯s troubled essence. ¡°I¡¯m suggesting that you may be acting and reacting in ways that are contrary to your own nature and essence¡­ much as I did, when I was forced into the role of Secret.¡± Marduk whispered softly. ¡°What I¡¯m suggesting is that you were, or perhaps are, being influenced by a malign force. In this place, only his influence can truly be felt, even in his current, deplorable state, as you have learned.¡± ¡°Impossible.¡± She hissed at the smaller deity, baring her teeth unconsciously. ¡°Moreover, I think it likely that the plot my friend exposed and destroyed was only a portion of what has been going on. Morrigan and her allies were up to something¡­¡± He mused softly, thinking aloud in front of the furious goddess. ¡°Yes, that makes sense¡­ Only, none of it makes any sense, because none of our worshippers can see through generations of lies, ignorance and suppression.¡± His radiant gaze fell back onto the Healer, wilting her resolve under that onslaught of directed divine Will. ¡°You insisted that we curse and cripple the only mortal we¡¯ve found that can see through this veil, even if only dimly.¡± ¡°Marduk¡­!¡± She gasped in horror. ¡°What he did¡­ what he¡­ created was an abomination! That festering hole in our domain continues to radiate unclean emanations into the realm! He must be punished!¡± ¡°Really, Dana? ¡®He must be punished¡¯? There are greater beings in the cosmos, a detail that all of us seem to have forgotten for a few millennia. We have drawn the attention of Beast and the Devourer to our little domain, yet the truth remains hidden!¡± He paced and stomped his golden sandals in agitation, while still berating Dana. ¡°If the gaze of the devourer cannot reveal the truth, that tells me that we will need mortal agents once more.¡± ¡°The fragment Barry Ward was to be my favored instrument, Marduk! My mortal agent! Why then have you interfered so, if that is what is required!?¡± Dana barked at the diminutive god. ¡°Listen to yourself, Dana¡­ strictures, curses and punishments¡­ All of those should be foreign concepts to you. Where in your portfolio do you find any of those ideas? We need mortal agency and Will to reveal these secrets. ¡± He murmured gently. ¡°Mortals who are committed, dedicated and skilled. If only we had a reliable group of those, who have done our work in the past, at great cost and asked nothing from us but to be left in peace¡­¡± ¡°I see your plot, Marduk¡­ still wheedling and begging for your toy to be returned to you!¡± She sneered at the child in white robes banded with gold. ¡°I will not relent! He remains cursed and afflicted. He may die, if he wishes to end his suffering! I will allow that!¡± ¡°If he dies while you are in this state¡­¡± Marduk murmured softly. ¡°...You will experience many new things, should that come to pass. Things I am unable to contemplate, as a true immortal.¡± His sweet, golden smile became hard edged, as he rearranged his immaculate robes and prepared to depart. ¡°I see it in your eyes, you have begun to wonder and doubt¡­¡± ¡°Lies¡­¡± She spat weakly. ¡°All filthy, mortal lies¡­¡± ¡°I see in your eyes that you know that is not the case. None can lie in this place, not even the one who carved it from his own shattered soul and mind.¡± Marduk whispered in reply. ¡°That you can even consider your likely fate suggests your own immortality is balanced on a knife¡¯s edge. Good day, Dana.¡± Marduk winked from her perceptions in an instant, leaving no trace, not even a sandal mark on the perfect meadow grasses that dance in the warm summer breeze. # Two Turntables And A Microphone Ch: 28 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Two Turntables And A Microphone Ch: 28 A plump little clay birdie winged its way to the little hamlet under the crag and landed on Gary¡¯s shoulder. It began whistling a sharp, spousal rebuke to the unhappy man in the bath; a sweet tune that reminded him that he needed to stop worrying his wife with silly antics and unnatural acts. ¡°Aw, man¡­ Shai¡¯s pissed.¡± He sighed weakly. ¡°What happened?¡± Rio asked from nearby, under the waterfall. ¡°I guess that stupid idol got flung out into her house when she summoned it. Spiritual pressure and divine essence can be energetic when mixed carelessly.¡± He had a sheepish expression plastered on his face, while the clay songbird hopped around, waiting for his reply, chirping merrily. ¡°I¡¯m starting to regret making these¡­¡± He mumbled under his breath. Rio sighed. plucked the tiny construct creature from his father¡¯s shoulder and began to play a reply on the plump ocarina golem. A few bars of high, piping music later, the bird fluttered off into the morning sky, darting away to the far end of the valley, singing happily as it flew. ¡°Come on dad. Let¡¯s get your house set up; I know you wanna get to work and Wilf has some taboo objects in his workshop.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, he¡¯s got those three cursed musical instruments¡­ Damn! I want a look at those.¡± Gary grumbled. ¡°That jadite mace Ivy looted from a goblin is really something¡­¡± ¡°Amy, Wilf and I saw what you saw, dad.¡± Rio interrupted the soggy musician. ¡°That mace was made with your arts and techniques. I¡¯d swear you made it and you said as much yourself; those three instruments are the same.¡± He sat down on the curb of the bath with a towel and got to work drying his thick, dense curls. ¡°You know I didn¡¯t, that I couldn¡¯t¡­ I can¡¯t do that kind of thing anymore.¡± Gary replied lamely. ¡°You know what I¡¯m talking about; Ward won¡¯t talk about it, but I¡¯m certain he knows something. There¡¯s more of you out there, maybe a lot more. I think one of them; one of you, created these objects.¡± Rio fixed him with a cool and steady stare, pinning his father in place with his dark eyed regard. ¡°Tell me what you suspect, dad.¡± ¡°I want to see those instruments first; then we¡¯ll all talk together, Becky and all you kids.¡± He answered softly. ¡°I¡¯ll put myself in a ritual circle. As long as I stay inside and the doodads stay outside, I should be able to look at them. You kids can hold them up and let me examine them.¡± A wide smile brightened Rio¡¯s face. ¡°Nice! Rest here, I¡¯ll get the others together. We haven¡¯t done this in forever!¡± He dashed off, excitement evident in his long, leaping stride. Gary sank back into the water and contemplated his current state. Here, in the mysterious, mobile, magical hotsprings he shared with his children and Shai he was relatively comfortable and even able to use his Pockets! gift more easily. He pulled a mundane recorder from his storage gift and sat at the edge of the pool with his own towel draped over his eternally messy hair. The flute began its sweet, mellow, cheerful song, rising up through the steamy air with lazy and sensual grace. He played a simple tune, toying with the melody of ¡®Norwegian Wood¡¯, with his hips and legs still immersed in the swirling not-exactly-water. ¡°Be careful, Gary¡­¡± Kree whispered from behind his ear, slipping from his shadow with a gentle sigh. ¡°I don¡¯t like stinging you.¡± ¡°I understand, sugarbee. Let me have this one, ok? I¡¯ll be really careful.¡± She weakened when he smiled so happily, after so long. ¡°Having the kids around really helps.¡± He sighed slowly, as the flute returned to his lips. # A half hour later, the whole family was gathered in the garden, sitting on stools with instruments warmed up and tuned. ¡°Are we sure we¡¯re staying here for a while? It takes a lot out of me¡­¡± ¡°Shut up and play, fiddle-fingers.¡± Amy sang sweetly, as she handed him a mundane guitar. ¡°I want something fun.¡± ¡°As you wish.¡± He said with a smile, the one that only Shai, Becky and the kids ever saw. With a faint, shadowy twinkle an ogre bone guitar pick appeared between his fingers and the music began. It only took a few hard strumming licks for Wilf to join in, grinning around his beloved flute as he picked up the melody. There''s a place up ahead and I''m going, Just as fast as my feet can fly! Come away, come away, if you''re going! Leave the sinking ship behind! ¡°Credence, dad? Really?¡± Amy complained between verses, while taking the lead guitar part from him with a quick, sparkling solo that left no doubt as to who was leading the ensemble. The smiling musician fell back into a steady blues lick behind the hard rocking track his daughter was laying down. He felt steady and careful tugs at his Animus, as his kids began spinning his volatile and unstable gifts out in their spell song, using their Mana to unfurl the spells and make his dreams take physical form in reality. He fell into the music, following Amy into a local number called Nurban¡¯s Reel. The melody was a simple, swaying thing, versatile and easy to learn. In the Ward family¡¯s hands it became a wild, hectic tune; as it hopped and skipped around the central melody in a constantly shifting, sweet cascade of sound. Each player in turn took a solo and spun the music off in a new direction, changing the key, shifting rhythms or embellishing it with showy ornaments. The jam sesh wandered on until after snacktime, which in the Ward household meant about an hour after breakfast. With long practice and familiarity, the family played, seated in a circle, facing each other; allowing the magic to take place unobserved. ¡°Can we take these blindfolds off now?¡± Lindsey demanded, as the last song faded. She and her familiar were waiting with silk cloths wound over their eyes, impatiently wondering why she had linked herself with this pack of weirdos. ¡°Oh, yeah, sorry¡­¡± Barry mumbled, as he stashed his violin away. ¡°We get a little carried away.¡± ¡°Well, the music was nice, if strange¡­¡± The lanky girl mumbled to her beau. As she worked to unblindfold her horse, Lindsey took a slow look around at the changes to the wide, alpine meadow. ¡°What¡¯s that, Barry?¡± She asked idly. ¡°Is there a fountain over there?¡± Gary and Shai¡¯s tall, incongruous, red roofed home towered over the more modest structures scattered around, while the vast gardens engulfed the kids¡¯ territory and spread out beyond. She¡¯d expected that, as unbelievable as it seemed¡­ but the geyser of strange light showering from the mountainside at the edge of the expanded garden was unsettling. # Gandree and Daisybelle dismounted in a wide alpine meadow as evening began to close in, high up on the side of the valley¡­ under a strangely familiar, triangular peak, among the pines. ¡°Daze¡­ Am I seeing things, or is this that same damn place we just left this morning?¡± ¡°No, this is a different place; same meadow, same mountain, though.¡± She answered with a yawn. ¡°Put up our house, Gandree my lover love. I¡¯m tired.¡± Rather than taking her verbal bait, he just smiled and pulled his flute from hiding. His fingers ran over the long bronze and brass instrument; it always felt warm and alive in his hands, eager for his breath. Within the first few notes of ¡®Edmund¡¯s Reel¡¯ he found that same resonance ringing out from this same, entirely different meadow, under a mirror image of that triangular crag. His spell unrolled like a prayer rug, simply spilling out onto the world with almost frightening ease. ¡°Daze¡­ this place feels just like the other one.¡± He mumbled, as he lowered his flute and looked around. ¡°Of course, silly. It¡¯s the same place, just someplace else.¡± She answered with a grin. Come come, we will be up early¡­ as day dwellers see it.¡± She murmured, pulling at his hand to drag him inside. ¡°What¡¯s that light over there?¡± He asked, over her efforts to get dinner started. ¡°What light, boy? Come inside, the doggies are hungry.¡± She hauled at him mightily but he remained in place, staring at a section of hillside at the edge of the garden. ¡°There¡¯s something¡­ and now it¡¯s gone¡­¡± He finally let her haul him inside the house, into the cozy and welcoming common room. # The team spread out and slowly advanced in a loose semicircle, with Kermal and Becky leading a few steps ahead and twenty feet apart. There was no visible sign of trouble that mortal eyes could see, but everyone sensed a potent and constant¡­ something doing¡­ something on the nearby hillside. While no one else could see, the familiars and their bonded companions could. Light hurled from a hidden source behind a giant gray boulder that seemed out of place to normal sight. It was partially rounded, as if split from a larger structure by some titanic force and hurled here at some point in the past. The mysterious boulder sat, partially buried in a low crater, covered with grass, weeds and ferns as if it had been there for years, rather than centuries. To the familiars¡¯ supernatural eyes, the stone itself seemed ordinary¡­ but Gary kept looking at it with deepening concern writ across his face. ¡°Ok, gang¡­ look around and see if you spot another stone like this one¡­ or a long, girthy pillar of the same rock.¡± He said carefully. ¡°Don¡¯t approach or touch them if you find them¡­¡± The team carefully turned in place, gazing all around seeking a dark gray stone or a geyser of light that was certainly not violet, but something far stranger. Nothing met their searching eyes, save the rounded, split boulder before them. ¡°What is it, dad?¡± Wilf asked softly. ¡°Something from outside our world?¡±You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. ¡°Yeah¡­ and no. This shouldn¡¯t be able to exist here¡­ But who knows what ¡®reality¡¯ is anyway, I suppose.¡± He mumbled, as he ambled toward the rock he¡¯d told everyone to keep away from. ¡°Gary, stop right there!¡± Becky snapped at the wayward mooncalf. ¡°Shai put you on double secret spooky shit and eldritch nonsense restriction, before we left.¡± ¡°Yeah, and this is both of those things¡­¡± He shouted, as he ran his hand over the stone surface without actually touching it. ¡°I just wonder where the rest of it is.¡± ¡°Stop talking crazy, Gary!¡± The high priestess barked in her most commanding tone. ¡°Kree, sting the shit out of him if he tries anything!¡± ¡°Aye aye, sergeant Becky!¡± The tiny wasp cheered from her post on his collar, with Mariah riding along beside her. ¡°This isn¡¯t dangerous to him though¡­ this is something he made.¡± ¡°Nobody touches this thing¡­ don¡¯t even get close to it. While it¡¯s inside the home borders, it¡¯s pretty unstable.¡± He called out from between his own knees, since he was bent over examining the fractured surface. ¡°It¡¯s unmistakable¡­ but how?¡± ¡°Do I need to send for help, brother?¡± Kermal asked gently, dropping his hand on Gary¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Come, step away from this thing.¡± The younger man pulled his silly friend away from the strange boulder with little resistance. Sir Kermal listened quietly, as the huge man mumbled nonsense words to himself all the while as they walked back to the group, at the edge of the formal garden. ¡°Tombescent temple of tackle? Dickmemberance? Cockffin? Memento Manmeat? So many portmanteaus, so little time¡­¡± ¡°Kree¡­ did you sting him already?¡± The small knight asked the little creature perched high up on his friend¡¯s collar. ¡°Nopeedope. He¡¯s just thinking really hard about something stupid.¡± She flicked Gary¡¯s ear as she sassed both her mount and the knight at the same time. ¡°As usual.¡± ¡°Hey, don¡¯t be mean, honeybee. These little jokes are what get me through the day.¡± He grumbled. ¡°I refuse to take my life in a magical fantasy world entirely seriously. Especially the really weird shit.¡± He jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the stone, off on the hillside at the far edge of the compound¡¯s expanded border. # On the tropical island beyond the gateway, count Liam and the team found that exploring the deserted, jungle draped town was a lot of work and completely unrewarding. No monsters, savage beasts, ghouls or spirits rose to confront the team, just wet, clinging vines and small animals that darted for the underbrush at the first sign of intruders and a truly oppressive swarm of blood drinkers that Audrey gorged herself on joyously. ¡°At least she can¡¯t get fat¡­¡± Liam sighed, when the flower dragon was too busy to overhear. The mine workings were also deeply uninteresting, beyond a rich seam of nickel-iron that the long gone miners had been digging. The open pit was more a narrow quarry than a true mine, since the molten metal had belched up though the earth in a wide column, through a fissure in the volcano¡¯s cone. Other seams of the same iron rich material left red stains down the volcano¡¯s sides here and there, traces of an eruption long ago. ¡°Rich metal, but how to get it home¡­¡± Shai grumbled sourly, after collecting a few samples of the stuff with a hammer. ¡°That¡¯s probably why the miners left.¡± Dannyl sighed. ¡°No tools or machinery were left laying around, even most of the window glass and roof tiles were taken away. My guess is that this place is long forgotten and our giant bugs just wandered through the gate and monstered up on the way through the void.¡± He grinned and shrugged. ¡°That¡¯s usually how these giant monster things happen.¡± ¡°So what about ancient cities and crypts filled with traps and treasure?¡± Ivy asked, as they walked back to the house on the scree field. ¡°Those exist, but they are usually out on the fringes of reality¡­¡± The ginger Adventurer waved his hands to encompass the island and wide, blue sea. ¡°Many void maws lead to places just like that. Pocket worlds ruled by mad wizards, forgotten cities of the undead and weird, almost endless labyrinths filled with monsters, traps and yes¡­ treasure.¡± ¡°So what happened here?¡± Tallum asked, even though he was obviously pleased with the outcome of their ¡®delve¡¯ so far. Dannyl walked on for a few minutes, contemplating in silence. ¡°Most passages through the void lead to places like this; lonely, forgotten corners of wilderness and mostly empty of people. They seem to be reflections of our world, but different in ways that are unpredictable and strange.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t feel a difference¡­ Audrey and Otho are behaving normally, as did Shai¡¯s casting.¡± Ivy pressed the ginger explorer fiercely. ¡°Quit hinting around!¡± Dannyl scratched his head for a moment, before continuing trying to explain the truly weird phenomenon to the team. ¡°Each passage and destination is unique and different in its own way¡­ Some are vast swamps of poisonous, carnivorous plants; others are endless, nearly empty deserts or oceans, inhabited by folk such as no one has seen elsewhere. Serpent men, squid people, all manner of beings exist in the endless reaches of the void. If you can imagine a being, there is, or once was a race of them out there, somewhere.¡± He smiled and shrugged. ¡°The people and cultures of civilized places vary wildly, as does the magical essence of these fragmentary worlds. I mentioned ritual magic¡­ The weird ritual things that Gary does seem to work normally everywhere I¡¯ve been, as do our gifts and enchanted items¡­ But in some of these realms, you may encounter people and creatures able to hurl elemental forces, or invoke strange spells.¡± ¡°How is that different from more advanced practitioners of magic back home?¡± Liam asked from astride Audrey, his eyes alert and constantly in motion, as they headed for the house. ¡°Have you ever seen a person spray fire from their hands in a searing swathe? Out in these realms, we might meet enemies that can hurl balls of light that explode, or send spikes of stone flying from the ground beneath their foe. Many gates have been sealed after hostile and strange forces appeared on the other side.¡± Dannyl chuckled wryly at some thought. ¡°Though, any people we encounter may not be hostile; it¡¯s always a huge gamble with unexplored places.¡± ¡°So there¡¯s just a tunnel into the mountain that leads to this island and an abandoned iron mine?¡± Disappointment and relief filled the young count¡¯s voice, mingled into a complex emotional soup. ¡°Oh, no way! This is something special. Some of these passages lead to literal nowhere. Often it¡¯s a barren chunk of rock, drifting in the void or just a few square miles of an isolated mountain vale¡­ Those tiny, fractional worlds always feature a journey through the void that can be very rough; the more extreme the differences between worlds, the longer and stranger the trip becomes.¡± ¡°Our trip here was almost ordinary, as far as true weirdness goes¡­¡± Ivy asked while her little brother gathered his thoughts. ¡°What does that mean, in this case?¡± ¡°An easy, quick passage generally means that the magic and physical world are very similar to our starting point. Weird realms or kooky dungeons are always at the other end of a rough passage through the never. Only a precious few lead to worlds of their own, with oceans, continents and the lot. Even fewer lead to distant points on our own world¡­¡± Dannyl let his words drift off, behind a smile that was super obnoxious. Ivy unleashed a grin of her own, directed at the count. ¡°Like, say a tropical island that would be a fine seaport for a domain that is otherwise landlocked.¡± She murmured excitedly. ¡°We really might still be on our world, just incredibly far away, transported through the void.¡± Dannyl grinned at the suddenly very interested count. ¡°Those few gateways that lead to dungeons and other realms are always intensely valuable. For now, we just don¡¯t know. If we sailed off, we might find a whole new continent, or find that we are on the crystal sea, a few weeks travel from home. It could be anything really, it¡¯s just that we don¡¯t know yet¡­ and we don¡¯t have a boat.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s have lunch, then explore the rest of the mountain¡­ We¡¯ll keep a lookout posted on the peak to watch for any passing sails.¡± Liam decided. ¡°This might be a great opportunity.¡± # Gary and Becky spent a good while with their heads together, deep in a conversation that was not open to the others. They chewed on whatever topic they were discussing until the rest started getting antsy and nervous. ¡°...is there anything else¡­? Besides your lame puns and jokes that I should touch on?¡± The diminutive priestess asked her huge brother. ¡°You¡¯re really gonna follow my script?¡± He asked sheepishly. ¡°Promise?¡± ¡°Script?¡± Becky scoffed at the foolish man. ¡°It¡¯s a list of dick jokes and stupid weiner puns. I¡¯ll use a few, if it seems like fun. No promises.¡± ¡°She¡¯s so strict¡­¡± Gary moaned to Kermal; who only smiled and shrugged, since the young knight was not a very great fool. Becky ignored her husband and brother¡¯s idiocy, as she called the group together. ¡°I will be telling you all what¡¯s going on, as best I¡¯m able. Gary is unable to reveal what he knows or speak of these matters, due to a number of divine curses and strictures; so I will be explaining what I can.¡± She turned her dark, smiling eyes on the lanky girl beside Barry and Amy. ¡°Lindsey, buckle up, it¡¯s about to get weird.¡± ¡°Oh, gods¡­ it gets weirder?¡± She sighed, clinging to Barry¡¯s arm like he was the last lifeboat on a sinking ship. Becky smiled at the unfortunate girl and nodded. ¡°Super, extra double weird, with a side order of literal lunacy¡­ A good portion of today¡¯s story takes place on the moon.¡± ¡°It feels like my ears are bleeding¡­¡± She whispered to Barry. ¡°Shh¡­ These are things we¡¯ve been asking about for our whole lives, Lin. I need to hear this.¡± The big fellow whispered back, with a hug and squeeze for his warm armfull. Becky took her time, explaining for Lindsey, Maya, Frank and Benny, when things got ¡®in the weeds¡¯. ¡°Wait¡­ that weird Ward guy killed War¡­?! The god War, the Bloodwashed one? Killed him on the moon, by punching his head ¡®inside out¡¯?¡± Maya demanded. ¡°Awesome!¡± ¡°No, not awesome! It was foolish and dangerous. But also probably unavoidable¡­¡± Becky sighed. ¡°No mortal was there to see, but I have it on divine authority that it was a ¡®spectacle of unmitigated folly and a display of true idiocy¡¯. Though, I suppose that¡¯s on brand for my biggest little brother.¡± ¡°Hey! I was nowhere near there!¡± Gary complained indignantly at her insinuations. ¡°All those guys just happen to look like me, sound like me¡­¡± ¡­Dress like me, walk, talk and act like me, And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me¡­ Gary gave a sudden jolt, clutched at his neck for a moment and slowly began to sink down onto the lawn from the garden bench he was formerly seated on. ¡°...please stand up please stand up¡­¡± He chanted softly, with a stupid, glazed smile on his face, as he slipped into unconsciousness. ¡°That might have been more than needed, but he was doing that ¡®Slim Shady¡¯ thing again¡­ That¡¯s weird.¡± Kree complained from the sleeping man¡¯s collar. # Marduk, Eponna, Thirp and a few other divines were watching the show through Gary¡¯s eyes, projected safely on a screen in the living room; since joining with his senses was so distressingly ¡®uncomfortable¡¯. A general moan of dissatisfaction arose when the lights went out and the show ended prematurely. ¡°Sorry, we can only work with what we have, however fallible it may be.¡± The tiny, golden god sighed. ¡°He¡¯d been doing so well lately, too.¡± Eponna took the small divine¡¯s hand in hers with a loud, sputtering, equine laugh that made his heart flutter like her perfect, pink lips. ¡°Don¡¯t be sad, my sweet Ducky¡­ Let¡¯s go point and laugh at Dana again; that always cheers you up.¡± # ¡°Anyway¡­¡± Becky continued, once the musician was managed. ¡°So, Ward impersonated Gary during a big, super secret pantheon meeting on the Madman¡¯s moon, where they were deciding Gary¡¯s fate¡­ Whether he would be summarily destroyed, or banished from our world; for murdering a bunch of immortal dickheads.¡± Becky turned back to Lindsey and smiled gently at the confused and distraught girl. ¡°Just accept that as fact and we¡¯ll move on, darling.¡± Becky gave the kids some time to gnaw on that bit of philosophical gristle, before she went on. ¡°Anyway, Ward showed up to the pantheon¡¯s party in a crazy costume and convinced them he was actually Gary¡­ for some reason. Ward did some weird, spooky stuff to scare them all into wetting their robes, cause he¡¯s just as bad as my poor, silly brother.¡± Becky paused to draw a deep breath and sighed. ¡°Once the gods were all freaked out and panicked, when he had them all terrified that he might use Gary¡¯s unexplainable gifts and unclean arts to end them all, things got stupid¡­¡± ¡°Stupider. Things got stupider.¡± Maya mumbled from her seat under a rose arbor. ¡°Idiotic is just the start point, we¡¯re headed for uncharted realms of dumb.¡± Becky shot the warrior lass a fierce glare and sighed, before continuing her absurd tale. ¡°Ward wound up beating the stuffing out of three of the gathered divines, while the others looked on in horror.¡± Becky shook her head sadly. ¡°They had no way to prepare themselves for the violence and aggression uncle Ward unleashed on them. No divine had ever felt the fear of mortality before; they had no basis for understanding the situation. That was only the beginning of the chaos.¡± A soft rustle in the garden grove was all the warning they received. ¡°Gods don¡¯t get in fistfights and nobody had ever punched a god in the face, before me¡­¡± Ward complained sourly, as he stepped from the shadows under a willow tree. ¡°War never took a humanoid body before either, he made his skull all thin and brittle. Rookie move. Totally not my fault.¡± The strange man grumbled and whined while pulling himself into reality from somewhere shadowy. ¡°I didn¡¯t really kill War. I just broke the toy he was playing with and left it lying on Gary¡¯s lawn.¡± Ward, the god of Death and Vengeance smiled down on his unconscious double. ¡°Even gods need to learn that if you fuck around, eventually¡­ you¡¯ll find out. That¡¯s the real source of Gary¡¯s power, what really makes him tick. Rage, fury and a desire to repay his debts to the ones who hurt us for so long. A few accounts have been closed, but there are still debts owing, out there in the void¡­¡± Becky spoke over the handsome, angry deity, taking the floor back by force. ¡°That divine cadaver was a big part of the problem. The corpse of a god is a dangerous thing and breaks all kinds of fundamental laws. Leaving it there was a serious issue and could have attracted some dangerous eldritch scavengers.¡± ¡°The corpse of a god¡­¡± Lindsey mumbled, looking pale. ¡°Oh yeah! I messed his whole dome piece up!¡± Ward enthused, drawing a glare from the high priestess. ¡°I had godbrains under my fingernails¡­¡± Becky interrupted firmly and took back over. ¡°To contain the divine essence and prevent a more serious problem, Gary entombed the corpse in¡­¡± She sighed and checked her notes. ¡°A massive, pink marble man-ument¡­ A heroic cock and balls sculpted with due care for the dignity of the fallen divine.¡± ¡°A giant stone wiener and ballsack reliquary!¡± Ward agreed merrily, adding another glare to his collection. ¡°Yes. This stone is half of that ridiculous¡­¡± She checked her note once more, scanning it for the right choice. ¡°Sarcock-phagus.¡± She said, with a straight face. ¡°I said I would use a few of his stupid dick jokes¡­ Too bad he¡¯s asleep.¡± Becky sighed over her fallen, snoring brother. ¡°Anyway¡­¡± Ward picked up the fallen thread of the narrative and carried on blithely. ¡°Some stuff happened; the gods got super pissy, several made some bad choices and a few really bad gambles. Blah, blah, blah¡­ yadda yadda¡­ and then Gary murdered a whole bunch of gods and immortals, tore a hole in the divine realm and launched the remains of poor War into the ether, along with several hundred former immortals and at least three actual gods¡­ You kids can try to guess which three.¡± ¡°Did you just ¡®yadda yadda¡¯ over ¡®Gary murdered a bunch of gods¡¯?¡± Maya demanded of the glib death god. ¡°As in, the upheaval in the pantheon, the disappearance of Craft, Order and War¡­ all that, was this guy?¡± She jabbed her thumb at the passed out goofball snoring, face down on the grass with his bottom in the air. ¡°Yup, I can¡¯t talk about it. I shouldn¡¯t be telling you this much, but here in his house, even the gods can¡¯t see or hear; unless he allows it, or one of their clerics listens in.¡± Ward declared firmly. ¡°I don¡¯t even know what exactly happened, only he returned from that wildly destructive event¡­ and he¡¯s prohibited from telling anyone anything about it, by divine law.¡± ¡°Only Gary knows¡­¡± Lindsey asked softly, since the supposed ¡®godslayer¡¯ was mumbling in his sleep and drooling on the lawn. ¡°Papa killed a shit ton of immortals, when he was¡­¡± Rio shrugged and smiled at his younger brother¡¯s paramour. ¡°He said a few deities tried to turn him into an eldritch abomination... He doesn¡¯t really talk about it.¡± The gray eyed girl found little reassurance there, as she hugged herself closer to Amy and Barry, her face pale and drawn. ¡°Abomination¡­¡± She whispered. ¡°He only murdered demons, wicked spirits and shitty immortals¡­ I promise.¡± Amy insisted, hugging closer to her half of Lindsey. ¡°Whatever¡­¡± Becky grumbled at Ward. ¡°That rock out there is part of that rel-dick-iquary, the one Gary entombed War¡¯s slain avatar in. We¡¯ve discovered one of the balls, the other nut and the dong are not here. It looks like we¡¯ve got a good old fashioned fetchquest on our hands¡­¡± ¡°And so, the Quest for the Wargod¡¯s Marble Dong begins!¡± Kree sang from her perch on the back of Gary¡¯s head. # Smuggler’s Blues Ch: 29 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Smuggler¡¯s Blues Ch: 29 High above the azure sea, Shai and Otho took the lookout position on the rim of the volcano, scanning the horizon for signs of intelligent life; while the rest of the team explored the shady interior of the cone. Liam and Audrey led the way; down a narrow trail that coiled and snaked down to the interior, descending seventy yards in a gradual slope to the lightly forested floor. Little light reached so far down; as a result, very few trees grew at the bottom. Instead, moss, ferns and fungus thrived everywhere in the rich, loamy, hidden vale. Steaming hot springs gushed from the ancient volcano¡¯s floor, boiling, brilliantly colored and definitely not for bathing; at least four significant geothermal pools were bubbling away in the two or three acres of relatively level ground that made up the dimly lit place. The sulfurous, mineral stench would have been pretty rough, were the team not equipped with StinkRings¡­ or rather Aroma Bands?, as the marketing materials called them. ¡°Are we sure this thing is really extinct?¡± Tallum asked, when the steam and warmth rising from below became oppressive. ¡°The soil here is the product of centuries, brother. It hasn¡¯t erupted in at least a few hundred years; probably longer, judging by the jungle and the rest of the island.¡± Liam answered calmly, while his eyes remained in constant motion. ¡°Stay alert¡­ there was nothing dangerous on the exterior but this is unexplored.¡± Liam¡¯s words of warning proved wise a few minutes later, when a roaring monstrosity the size of a freight wagon came stampeding at them in a desperate, ferocious charge. It leapt from beneath an overhanging slab of rock, hurling itself at the team faster than such a creature should have been able to move, shaking the walls of the volcano with its mighty roar of challenge. ¡°Oh¡­ Well then.¡± Tallum sighed as he ¡®dodged¡¯ the gigantic, rampaging, snapping snail by stepping to the right. By absolutely gigantic snail standards, the thing was absurdly quick. It cruised along at a steady walking pace and could even manage bursts of speed that brought it up to a quick jog¡­ if the jogger were woefully out of shape. The beast slid over the moss with deceptive ease, but really struggled where stones or boulders interfered with its movement. It left a shining slime trail that was super slick and could easily trip and coat an unwary Adventurer. Getting fully coated with the clinging, almost frictionless goop was one of the few ways a snapping snail could actually kill a warrior. Any unlucky hunter that fell into the mucus and found themselves slathered in the clinging, magically slippery slime was unlikely to escape without assistance. The horror of being helpless, trapped in a slippery coating of snot, while a gigantic snail slowly consumed the victim alive was the stuff of horror stories, the kind often told to newbie Adventurers around the campfire. It was always ¡®a guy from another town that a friend knew¡­¡¯ who perished in those cautionary tales. ¡°Shai, we¡¯re going to need your help with this.¡± Liam spoke crisply into his earcuff and collar button, while he sidestepped the creature as well. He continued his conversation, as though a gigantic monster were not currently bound and determined to smash him flat and devour the handsome warrior count alive. ¡°Yeah, I guess you heard it. A snapping snail¡­ it¡¯s the biggest I¡¯ve seen, you know how fast they go bad¡­¡± He murmured contentedly, as he and the big smith kept the creature busily following them around. ¡°So tasty¡­¡± Ivy mumbled eagerly. ¡°Get it to lay down some more slime while you¡¯re at it, boys. That stuff¡¯s valuable too.¡± ¡°Gods¡­¡± Dannyl muttered at his avaricious sister, through a cheeky grin. ¡°You work them like rented mules, Ives.¡± ¡°Bah!¡± She scoffed, watching her husband dodge another attack by the creature. ¡°Tallum¡¯s out of shape, it¡¯ll do him good. Shai¡¯ll be here in a half hour, then we¡¯ll kill it¡­ It was always so much easier with Gary along¡­¡± ¡°He didn¡¯t mind butchering gross stuff, either.¡± Dannyl sighed wistfully. ¡°Good times¡­¡± # Gary woke with a massive sneeze, rolled over and gazed sleepily up at the starry sky above. Someone had wrapped him in a blanket and covered him with another; most likely the three Ragamuffins currently snuggled close to him on the lawn, asleep under the warm summer sky beneath their own covers. He gently wriggled free of his three oldest kids and escaped into the moonlit garden for a thinkin¡¯ sesh. Among the arbors and vines, he strolled and thought over the last few weeks of craziness slowly and carefully. Gazing out over the valley below, leaning on the garden wall beside the stable, he sighed long and low into the night. The goddess¡¯ cursed idol was gone¡­ Shai now had it securely stashed away, where it couldn¡¯t cause any more trouble. Less worrying, but still a concern; the troll foot was also gone. It had vanished from his totally not torture, tickle contraption at some point after he¡¯d banished the house. His shoulders drooped as the realization hit him. ¡°That¡¯s why I had eldritch diarrhea on the ride here¡­ It really did feel like I was crapping out a gut full of knucklebones.¡± He whispered to the silent moon he¡¯d once called home every night while he slept. ¡°No wonder my butthole is still sore.¡± ¡°Thanks for that, dad.¡± Barry¡¯s voice drifted down from the open hayloft door above him. ¡°Lindsey and I really needed an update on the current state of your turd-cutter.¡± ¡°Barry¡­ I told you to be quiet!¡± A sharp, feminine voice rose from the same doorway; scolding his son fiercely, as was proper. ¡°Everyone stargazes in their own way; if he enjoys contemplating his anus beneath the moon, let him.¡± ¡°Thank¡¯s Lindsey¡­¡± Gary muttered, nonplussed at her ¡®defense¡¯ of his supposed ass-tronomy hobby. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were there.¡± He hopped up on the garden wall, his back to the valley, looking up at the two young faces peering at him from the loft door. ¡°Sorry to intrude; I was just thinking.¡± ¡°Master Ward, er¡­ Gary¡­¡± Lindsey faltered for a moment when he met her eyes. The light of madness in his gaze was undeniable, but so too was a strange, gentle sadness that suddenly seemed far less frightening. She swallowed her nervousness and spoke with a firm voice. ¡°Gary, high priestess Becky told us a bunch of¡­ things while you were¡­ sleeping. Do you really have the power to slay immortal beings?¡± He gazed up at them soberly for a few long seconds before he answered her question. ¡°Do I look like the kind of person who could do something like that?¡± He smiled weakly and shook his head. ¡°I can¡¯t wield any more magic than a mundane child could, nor can I raise my hand in violence to any sentient being. I can¡¯t even hunt normal beasts for food.¡± He shrugged and held his hands out helplessly. ¡°I¡¯m exactly what you see, a crippled clown. I can still do a few silly tricks, but only a few¡­ and only the silly ones.¡± ¡°But you did, once¡­?¡± She whispered softly, while Barry tried to shush her. ¡°It¡¯s ok, son.¡± The older man¡¯s words stilled Barry quickly, as he turned back to her. ¡°I¡¯m not allowed to answer that question, miss Lindsey¡­ I hope you can understand my predicament.¡± He smiled up at her face and his son¡¯s with a deeply conflicted expression that was easy to see, but hard to read. ¡°On the night of the Madman¡¯s moon, a little over fifteen years ago; I died violently and explosively. I made my last show of defiance and did something truly and undeniably horrible, while surrounded by my tormentors and their servants.¡± He shrugged helplessly in the moonlight. ¡°A few of those numberless pieces of me fell to this world that night¡­ and another precious one, a year later. The dryads brought them to Shai, when they landed¡­ My darling wife cared for our sons alone, while I was away. She still does, really, since I¡¯m pretty messed up most of the time.¡± ¡°Barry said that he and his brothers were¡­ different¡­¡± She mumbled, lost in a new kind of awkwardness that no one could be prepared to face. ¡°They are different, but not in any really important ways, honey.¡± He soothed the girl, while his son shifted on their bed of hay and blushed so hot he was almost glowing in the darkness of the loft. ¡°But there were way more than four pieces of me flung into the void, Lindsey. Some of them may have landed on these incomplete and damaged worlds all around us, all alone.¡± ¡°So you have more sons out there, somewhere?¡± She asked carefully. ¡°There may be some weirdness, above and beyond the current situation, as we understand it.¡± He weaseled his words carefully and uncomfortably, seeming deeply upset by the topic. ¡°That¡¯s why we need to run some experiments and gain more insight into¡­ stuff.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t understand what¡¯s so important about the gigantic stone wedding tackle¡­¡± She found the courage to ask at last. ¡°Why is it so important?¡± ¡°This valley, love¡­ My family came here to uproot an evil demon of undeath and shadows, about fifteen years ago. It was just a job, that was what we did then and we were good at it. The best ever, really.¡± He sighed happily and looked up at the little green moon, high above. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. ¡°Back then, there were no dungeon maws here, not even one; I would have felt it then for sure. Now there are so many fissures in reality here, hundreds, everywhere within the range of my occult senses. I can feel them, while that thing is inside my borders. There are literally hundreds of passages, fractures in reality all around us.¡± ¡°Really? Barry gasped. ¡°Do Becky, Wilf and Harry know?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure they suspect. Most of the fissures are too small to allow anything through, not even insects¡­ A few are high in the sky and pose little threat, while many more are deep in the solid stone of the mountains, or far beneath our feet.¡± He smiled at the pair of kids, with their heads hanging over the edge of the hayloft, looking down on him. ¡°That busted nut out there is the cause of all of these entrances into the void. That¡¯s not real marble, it¡¯s dreamstuff and divine essence, mixed in with whatever War made his avatar from¡­ some kind of star stuff, I think¡­¡± Gary paused to mull that over for a while.. ¡°Anyway, that testicle crashed to the ground here and fractured reality in some super weird ways. When a few tons of stone dreamstuff hammered down from the moon, reality itself fractured and sent echoes, fragments and energy thundering through the veil. Wherever the rest of it landed, the same thing is happening.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t really understand¡­¡± Lindsey mumbled softly. ¡°Lindsey, the little green moon up there isn¡¯t real. It¡¯s a figment of my imagination that I forced into reality, high above the world.¡± He whispered to the pale girl hiding above. ¡°The gods, spirits and fae play there now, but once it was just me, an enormous army of me lived there, then. A long time ago I was captured as a naked soul, traveling blindly through the void to my next birth.¡± His mad smile returned, as he continued on. ¡°They captured me and used me in unclean experiments that broke my soul and mind apart¡­ I was fractured and splintered into endless, recursive me, to be a reusable sacrificial victim and experimental subject for demon summonings on this world.¡± He smiled wanly at her and shrugged. ¡°The immortals that did it to me, did the same thing to so many other captured souls¡­ We¡¯ll never know for sure, but the Morrigan said that of the legions of souls they captured and shredded, only I was able to remain stable and sane after being torn apart into endless pieces.¡± He giggled a little at that and sighed again. ¡°They need the sanity of a mortal, you see. That¡¯s the secret to everything, the sentient and conscious Will of a mortal soul is a potent thing. It can work wonders.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough, dad. Let¡¯s go to bed now.¡± Amy called from the garden. ¡°Leave Lindsey alone. We don¡¯t want her running off into the night, screaming.¡± While his daughter was busy scolding him, Amy¡¯s little white kitten pounced into his lap, purring and making biscuits viciously to distract the rambling lunatic. ¡°Ow! Watch the claws, Shiro! Bad spirit kitty!¡± He yelped, entirely dismissing the ominous mood. His mission accomplished, Shiro leapt into the hayloft from Gary¡¯s lap; raking the poor fool¡¯s legs with sharp hind claws in the process. ¡°Hey! I¡¯m taking away your catnip stash!¡± He complained at the vanished feline. # Under a bright morning sun, Gandree rapped on the dark gray boulder out behind his home. It was the same stone, a chunk of pink marble that had been exposed to terrific heat and hurled down from the sky; to embed itself a few feet into the granite mountainside forever. The dwarf lad knew stone¡­ it was unavoidable in Dwarfhold, mining was their whole deal. Marble was not a stone that should be found among these granite hills, certainly not something like this. Stranger yet, the stone had been worked and shaped by skilled hands and with no tool he recognized. Even stranger, it seemed to be part of a statue¡­ The thing had subtle creases, wrinkles and veins wrought on the rounded surface, bringing to mind a patch of distinctly rumpled skin. ¡°How large of a statue, that this is an elbow?¡± He sighed in wonder. ¡°And it¡¯s the same stone, in every detail¡­¡± ¡°Yes boy. The world is broken¡­ like a shiny gem. Broken, but all the pieces are still here, floating around, reflecting what is real in their facets, often a bit distorted, but a true reflection in most cases.¡± Daisybelle sighed. ¡°You will see many things that are similar, even people, at times. Be wary, watch for trouble, not minor details of which rock is where.¡± She grumbled cheerfully, as she led him to the same passage, behind the stone. ¡°This will be a spooky spooky one, Gandree. Focus your mind and remember to stay with us, no matter what. And that¡¯s no elbow, my sweet boy. Not an elbow at all.¡± With that, she swung onto Petunia and led the way through the dark crevice in the hillside and into a maddening nonplace of lurking eyes and strange, hallucinatory colors. He buried his face in Nightshade¡¯s warm ruff, when that red, fearsome nebula once more focused its gaze on him. The sensation held no hostility, malice or hunger, only a vast and unguessable curiosity. After a few¡­ minutes? He peered out of his hairy hideout. That red vaporous entity was still there, watching and waiting, until they once more were engulfed by stygian darkness. A terrifying and uncertain time later, they burst out of the dark and endless night and into bright morning sunshine on a high, conical mountaintop. All around, a bright cerulean sea stretched to the horizon, sunlight skipping over the waves. A forested and cultivated seashore spread out below them, with a deep harbor filled with ships and boats beside a city of coarse, gray volcanic stone. Creeping giant orchids and vines covered the city walls of the thriving city, shading the outer wards beneath leaves and flowers so large, they were visible from atop the mountain. ¡°Turtle island and Port City. Here any person can walk in the open and trade by day, even a goblin girl.¡± Daisybelle sighed cheerfully. ¡°Many of these are pirate ships below us, others are smugglers, drug runners and mercenaries, all manner of folk come here, many are wicked and evil.¡± She said with a grin. ¡°Only slave trading and necromancy are forbidden in this place, though they do exist here as well, in the shadows and by night, when even pirates hesitate to leave the safety of locked doors and stout walls.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s why we¡¯re traveling by day.¡± He mumbled, more than slightly put off by her news. ¡°Yes¡­ and because the cult of light has many shadow demons in its ranks. Even Daisybelle can¡¯t ride at night unseen by shadows. Those dumb dumbs are useless by day, just as their bandit knights are helpless in the forest.¡± ¡°You¡¯re very knowledgeable, miss Daze.¡± The dwarf murmured with frank amazement and admiration. The sweet green girl smiled and nodded eagerly. ¡°King papa says ¡®know your enemy and know yourself; then kick them in the ballsack¡¯.¡± She intoned, as though this were an ancient proverb or wisdom from a centuries old tome of forgotten, warrior lore. ¡°Come, we must enter town and arrange lodgings. Keep your secrets and gifts close, Gandree.¡± She whispered. ¡°You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.¡± # Shai hit the volcano floor in ten minutes, riding her bike down the steep mining trail at a breakneck pace, when she wasn¡¯t taking mad leaps to skip entire sections of switchbacked road. At the sound of her bike bell and her whooping, excited cry of Joy, Liam sidestepped the charging snail once more, leaping to one of the last sections of unslimed moss in the area. He pivoted on his toe in the instant after his boot touched ground and sprang back at his gastropod foe. His brightly enameled, ornate and bejeweled spear flashed and sparkled in the dim space, the yard long, leaf shaped blade shearing through tough invertebrate hide and into the beast¡¯s simple nervous system. With a quick twist and tug, the thing fell limp, neatly skewered through its tiny excuse for a brain. ¡°The god of Beasts rejoices in our hunt, while grieving for our prey¡­ until we meet again.¡± Liam intoned reverently, as the thing¡¯s eyestalks drooped down limply. Tallum Shai and Dannyl fell to disassembling the creature and packing it away in Shai¡¯s storage gift. The massive creature¡¯s valuable parts took a long time to slowly load into her shadow, since she had no intention of resummoning her home down in the steamy grotto. Shai had little affinity for the strange interdimensional spookiness that powered the gift she shared with her husband. As a result, the shell, edible parts and useful organs had to be cut into manageable pieces. Nothing larger than a travel trunk could fit into her storage gift, or she could stow smaller objects equalling her own mass¡­ Anything she wished to stow long term, or any additional mass beyond her storage capacity would slowly slip deeper into her shadow, eventually ending up in her basement storage rooms, where its freshness would be maintained until she retrieved it. After a solid two hours of work, they had the beast stashed away and the unwanted parts scattered around the grotto floor, for nature to reclaim. They chatted as they worked, dismantling the behemoth with well practiced teamwork. Liam stood watch with Otho, since his mistress was busily scraping snail slime off the rocks, ferns and moss with a wide shovel. Ivy had several buckets of the stuff stacked on a tarp near where the others were plying axes and saws on the stone hard shell of the monster snail. ¡°Otho smelled cookfires on the tradewinds, so some kind of civilization is within a few miles.¡± The short blonde mage enthused, without pausing her diligent mucus collecting activities. ¡°If we had Moonrise¡­¡± ¡°If we had Moonrise, it would be foolish to sail off without local knowledge¡­ in a shallow drafted river trader.¡± Dannyl answered firmly. ¡°That¡¯s how whole teams get swallowed up in these places¡­¡± He paused to think about what he¡¯d just claimed and smiled at his friends. ¡°Ok, it¡¯s not usually a sailing off in a river boat that fits in someone¡¯s pocket, problem.¡± He sniffed at his comrades and frowned with exaggerated drama. ¡°Point well taken, Dannyl. I do have little experience with bluewater sailing, meself. I should rather have better preparation, ¡®ere we just toddle off intae the sunset.¡± Shai murmured thoughtfully. ¡°There be nae danger, Gary and the bairns could come here with nae worries¡­¡± ¡°Now that has possibilities¡± Count Kinnis said with a wide smile. ¡°This is officially an exploration, not a delve.¡± He announced, when the team was finishing up. ¡°We¡¯ll head back and look into further expeditions immediately.¡± ¡°Sweet, I just finished up. I planted a strangler fig down here and a few golden figs on the southern shore.¡± Dannyl dusted his gloves free of clinging volcanic loam and smiled. ¡°Once they root, Ward will be able to come here and fly around a little. He loves any excuse to spend a few days just flying around¡­¡± # Ward sneezed violently and sputtered in pain, as his sinuses took a battering from the inside. ¡°Ghah¡­!¡± He moaned, holding his hand cupped over his nose. ¡°Dat sucks!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be such a baby, uncle.¡± Amy grumbled, as she passed him a hankie from up her sleeve. ¡°Now sit still; papa can¡¯t concentrate with you fidgeting around.¡± She finished scolding the household god and went back to helping Harry set up the musical barriers and magical isolation circles around their dad. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s snug¡­¡± He mumbled happily, as the complex magical rituals closed around him one by one, cutting a few square yards of the garden off from the rest of the world in ways both obvious and occult. ¡°That feels nice¡­¡± He burbled merrily, taking a good stretch and jogging in place for a moment. ¡°Yeah, well we can only keep it up for maybe a half hour.¡± Becky whispered quietly. ¡°Your magical radiation will start eroding our spells right away, so let¡¯s get to work. Wilf, where are those awful instruments?¡± ¡°Bring me that little stone mace too, I want to compare some things that are troubling me.¡± Gary called out, from inside his interlinked and interlocking magical circles. ¡°Time, it¡¯s all weird around us¡­¡± He whispered softly. # ¡°So what exactly is going on down there?¡± Lindsey and Barry were watching the experiment from a good distance away, along with the rest of team Clown-Shoes, including Harry, who had been banished to the far end of the garden as well, once the preparations were finished. They¡¯d all been shooed away to the periphery, since the boys¡¯ auras interacted too freely with their father¡¯s, since they were so similar in so many ways. That would introduce a layer of chaos no one wanted in magical experiments. Down the slope, closer to the house the boys¡¯ father was surrounded in layer after layer of magical inscriptions and circles. They were spun out in gypsum, salt, chalk, clay, wire constructs, string, talismans and carved totem poles, all directed at sealing and bottling up the man inside. ¡°He can just walk over them, right?¡± She asked softly, even though they were far from the action. ¡°He¡¯s not trapped.¡± ¡°Oh yeah, he is!¡± Harry interrupted eagerly, his eyes bright with scholarly enthusiasm. ¡°Until those musical instruments are secured, he can¡¯t exit those circles without getting cursed. This is pretty dangerous¡­ to him, anyway. He¡¯s unable to even go to funerals or active graveyards without getting all messed up inside.¡± ¡°The gods really didn¡¯t want him doing any necromancy.¡± Barry whispered in her ear, while Harry went on. ¡°The real problem is the void in reality he¡¯s bound to. It¡¯s always spewing energy into the world. If it stays stuffed in there with him, the spiritual pressure inside the circle could spike pretty high.¡± The young lad shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m sure they accounted for that.¡± ¡°Why is your dad staggering around like that?¡± Lindsey asked, interrupting Harry again. # Gary sat in the garden, with the objects displayed on racks around his perimeter. One of the kids would turn or manipulate the things for him, as he noted the details of their construction and whatever it was that only he could see, hidden in the inlay work, inset jewels and miniscule inscriptions. Each of the awful things was a work of skilled craft, but not a labor of love. Rage, anger and hate permeated every piece of the instruments, just as the enchantments wrought by the artisan were designed to torment the formerly immortal demon souls trapped within. Here and there he found deliberate failure points built in, places where time, tension, wear or warping would eventually free the creatures trapped inside. ¡°Nasty and cruel¡­¡± He muttered over the flute, as he gazed into its eternally screaming zombie face. ¡°And yes, very newly made¡­ This little mace though; it¡¯s not new at all. Not at all.¡± He peered more closely at the egg-shaped nodule of green stone someone had bored a hole through the center of and mounted to a shaft of blackthorn. ¡°This is primitive, elegantly primitive. Goblin made and I¡¯d say it was made by me¡­ if I was raised by goblins?¡± He was starting to look woozy and a little flushed in there, as the magical pressure built up inside their enchanted glyphs and circles. ¡°Chill dad, we¡¯re stashing the doodads, we¡¯ll get you out quick.¡± Rio called out, while Wilf and Amy bustled the instrument abominations away. ¡°Good, cause I don¡¯t wanna know what it feels like when your spells burn out with me inside¡­¡± Gary mumbled dizzily. ¡°Too much magic in the circles¡­ Maybe we shoulda put the toys inside and left me outside?¡± ¡°Fair point, dad.¡± Rio agreed, while watching one magical construct after another break and fizzle out. ¡°Get those things stashed, guys! He¡¯s gonna¡­¡± A sudden cracking sound that was only audible in the bones of the listeners, sounded through the still mountain afternoon. Every living thing within several miles stopped what it was doing and fled away from the sound that wasn¡¯t, as the last magical circle around the weird cursed man fizzled and popped with sparks of blue and white light. # Someone Had To Lose Ch: 30 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Someone Had To Lose Ch: 30 As newcomers, Ignis, the Volcano spirit and Gemma the Jewel Crab had been swept up in events and carried along into the progressive faction of divines, by the ebb and flow of events in the pantheon. Once they had decided that the climate on that side of the growing religious divide suited them fine, they had settled in among the others and made themselves at home. Ignis was a jolly and warm character, filled with zest for new experiences, after so long in enforced isolation. Gemma had an even more sparkling outlook, her enthusiasm for her new world and the strange half-real moon realm was infectious, to an alarming degree. ¡°Let¡¯s have an evening scuttle down by the tidepools, my love¡­ The mortal world is beautiful tonight¡­¡± She bubbled, as crabs do. ¡°We can watch the mortal world spin for a while, just you and I¡­¡± She made cute little pinchy clacks with her claws, throwing sparks of scintillating light across the twilit beach. ¡°How could I say no to tha¡­¡± Both spiritual beings paused and looked over at the distant, physical world, dangling in the void. ¡°That felt weird.¡± Ignis muttered at last, when the moon stopped trembling and shimmying like a beached jellyfish. ¡°I had assumed that planes of reality were more stable than that¡­¡± Gemma clattered her nervous laughter through her chitinous mouthparts, despite the way her saliva glands were suddenly running dry. # ¡°Ok¡­ Someone should check on that¡­¡± Marduk complained weakly, when the jiggly sensation slowly subsided and ¡®reality¡¯ was once more in place. ¡°I was there for the thing, there¡¯s no problem. Everybody relax.¡± Ward grumbled as he struggled to appear more completely in the secluded garden, high above the sea. ¡°That was just Gary, having an adverse reaction to a Mana overcharge¡­ while under the influence of a divine aura.¡± The Death god chuckled wryly and sighed, when his form stabilized. ¡°I bet the other divines are super nervous right now. Though, I suppose most of them are more worried about losing their new playground, than any silly matters of ¡®right or wrong¡¯.¡± The tall god hid his dissatisfaction poorly, speaking with an icy demeanor. The little volcano being sputtered a fiery raspberry at the collected divines. ¡°I keep hearing about this terrifying ¡®Gary Ward¡¯ being... His kids were a delight, yet so many immortals are dreadfully upset by him. They know he¡¯s mortal, right?¡± Ignis demanded. ¡°If we just wait a few scant centuries it will all be cleared up naturally.¡± He grumbled. ¡°That¡¯s my whole point!¡± Eponna huffed. ¡°As much as my sweet Ducky dotes on the boy, even he acknowledges that in a wink, he¡¯ll be gone.¡± ¡°That so many divines are even aware that he exists is more troubling than his actual existence!¡± Beast murmured around a crisp and refreshing stalk of parsley. The tiny jackalope hopped and ambled through the garden below the abandoned inn yard, nibbling on the overgrown herbs when something struck his fancy. ¡°The stress of even a single divine gaze¡­ Even one as gentle and benign as sweet lady Thirp¡¯s, should be too much for a normal mortal to withstand for a prolonged¡­ What do they call that relative temporal effect?¡± He paused and snacked on a carrot top that was almost gone to seed, while the divine essence of all animate life, considered. ¡°Time! That¡¯s it!¡± He sighed happily, now that the issue of now and later was cleared up. ¡°Time is a little screwy, here. It makes things more complicated and I have trouble focusing on such tiny details to begin with¡­¡± The little animal mumbled and nattered on, while he finished off a nice bit of butter lettuce. ¡°That¡¯s my work, I¡®m afraid.¡± Marduk admitted, digging the toe of his golden sandal into the lawn in embarrassment. ¡°I got fully snookered by a few sneaky divine plotters, a few dozen centuries ago. They tricked me into helping them lock our world in a fixed temporal relationship with humanity¡¯s homeworld¡­¡± He smiled down at the herbivorous little deity and chuckled. ¡°The humans managed to access a terrifying power with purely mundane methods; converting physical matter into energy, in an explosive and chaotic state¡­ That impossibility is what fractured the veil over the entire planetary system and for several hundred years into the past and future, relative to the events.¡± Ward¡¯s mouth flapped open a little, as the small, golden god spoke. ¡°Ducky, baby¡­ When you said, ¡®physical matter¡¯ and ¡®explosively converted into energy¡¯... Did you mean nuclear weapons?¡± ¡°Yes, exactly! A horrifying and ultimately, foolish misadventure¡­¡± Ducky agreed merrily. ¡°Thankfully, your species managed to avoid burning their homeworld to cinders; but you did manage to fuck around with the nature of the universe¡­ just a little.¡± ¡°Uh, thanks?¡± Ward mumbled, once more confused and a little lost. ¡°You lunatics worked for centuries to unlock some of the fundamental secrets of the universe¡­ and you promptly used them to kill each other.¡± Beast complained. ¡°Not even for good clean cannibalism, either! You were just blasting holes in reality, opening fissures into the ether, all willy-nilly!¡± ¡°We were all very relieved when your race outgrew that self-destructive behavior.¡± Ipet sighed, shaking her hippo head in dismay at the idea. ¡°In any case, those fractures in the veil of your world allowed me to anchor our realm to yours, spiritually.¡± Marduk explained to Ward. ¡°Our worlds still remain temporally locked in a closed system; one I initially designed to exclude outsiders and to allow humans to transmigrate here naturally.¡± ¡°So how did demons start sneaking in?¡± Ward asked, finding renewed interest in the obscure topic. ¡°Did you leave the door open?¡± ¡°No, Ward, I didn¡¯t ¡®leave the door open! Someone spent a lot of time and effort teaching humanity how to open gates into the eternal; using human sacrifice, Will and obscene arts, they called them in!¡± He complained more fiercely, showing a bit of divine ire. ¡°It was that sneaky Morrigan at first, plotting and scheming with her outside allies. Then the other divines fell for her lies, one after the other¡­ Even me.¡± Marduk fell silent, contemplating something dark and unpleasant for a while. ¡°So, time seems to be an issue¡­¡± Ward prompted the little god gently, after a little while. ¡°Oh, yes, sorry.¡± Marduk mumbled, with Eponna¡¯s nose buried in his golden curls, providing moral support to the little deity. ¡°Events that can crack the etheric veil around a physical realm are rare, energetic and always highly disruptive¡­ They leave echoes and fractures all around and through the veil, in space and time.¡± Marduk paused significantly, letting the last word linger. ¡°Time is a commodity, to the immortal and divine; we can use it for things, in the places between worlds¡­ Don¡¯t think about it too much, Ward. You and the other dryads are still far too mortal and linear in your perspective to try and understand.¡± Marduk smiled sadly up at the young, dark god who towered over him. ¡°You will probably be unable to fully grasp the nature of the larger universe for some while, my friend. I see you still struggle with your own multifarious existence.¡± Marduk¡¯s smile broadened as he spoke. ¡°Go on. I¡¯ll explain the rest later. Go be with the others fully.¡± Ward found himself falling away, back into the mortal realm and once again into his mostly real body in Gary¡¯s garden. He woke face down on the lawn on a grassy lawn, soaked by his own free flowing drool puddle. ¡°...Ward just kinda zoned out a few seconds after the last ritual shattered.¡± Amy explained to Becky, over the slowly stirring god of Death. ¡°I assume he¡¯ll wake up soon and start being silly again.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine¡­ I just suck at being in two places at once.¡± Ward grumbled, once the grass was out of his mouth. ¡°How¡¯s Gary?¡± ¡°Out cold still. What happened?¡± Becky asked, helping the deity up from the lawn. ¡°I felt my spells overcharge and fail, rather than grounding out the excess energy¡­ I¡¯ve experimented with this array on me and it worked just fine.¡± She complained softly. ¡°His etheric void isn¡¯t that much more energetic than mine¡­¡± She closed her eyes for a few long moments, feeling for the endless flood of potent energies that was constantly blowing outward from her body in a steady rush. Once she had her aura relaxed and blowing freely in that eldritch wind of unheralded magical radiation, she reached her senses out for her unconscious brother¡¯s own occult outflow. ¡°He emits about double my energy output, but that¡¯s consistent with him being twice my size¡­¡± She produced a notebook and began jotting down her thoughts in a crisp shorthand of her own devising. ¡°Becky, do you remember how many of him there were up there, on the moon?¡± Ward asked gently. ¡°Did you ever try to count them?¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. ¡°Of course not, they were practically infinite.¡± She grumbled at her weird uncle. ¡°Each one was a fragment of him with its own unique¡­ Wait.¡± Becky¡¯s eyes closed for a moment, then shot wide open again. ¡°That¡¯s right, Becks. You always wondered why he had that aura of spookiness and menace¡­¡± Ward whispered. ¡°So many times you asked why the children of Beast fear him, yet the simple life of the forest finds him compelling. He¡¯s linked not to one void in reality, but hundreds, perhaps thousands, all welded unnaturally into fissures and scars in his very soul.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be silly, Ward. That would be impossible¡­ No mortal soul could survive being linked with even two etheric voids! What you¡¯re talking about would spin him off into endless¡­ Oh right.¡± Becky frowned and kicked a loose rock into the woods. ¡°I suspect that the ultimate goal was to transform him into a doorway that would allow outsiders to enter this world with their full powers.¡± Ward whispered softly. ¡°As things stand, outsiders can only use the magic of this world, regardless of what powers they possess elsewhere. A gate created by rituals on our side, only allows a demon access to our world. They can¡¯t truly interact with the physical world without mortal assistance of some kind.¡± ¡°Wait¡­¡± Becky and Harry both asked at once. The priestess shot her nephew with a deadly look, before she spoke again, without a backup singer. ¡°Transform him into a door? Like the way he let the gods and spirits back into this world?¡± ¡°Close¡­¡± Ward grumbled. ¡°When he let the rest of the pantheon and the spirits ¡®back in¡¯ he used the same potentials and abilities that our mysterious plotters were trying to manipulate, to do what they were trying to do. Except, he willingly created a gate into his own soul and chose who to allow passage. They were trying to use his soul to open a wound into our reality that they could squeeze through freely; a process he, or rather we, would not have enjoyed even a little.¡± ¡°Dark stuff, Ward.¡± Gary croaked from the lawn, as he rolled over. ¡°Hardly the kind of thing to bandy about on a fine summer afternoon.¡± ¡°Oh, wow, he¡¯s moving already¡­ Should I sting him again?¡± Kree asked the group in general. ¡°He shouldn¡¯t be awake for a couple hours yet.¡± ¡°Hold it right there, missy!¡± Gary ordered sharply, bringing his buzzing and excitable familiar up short. ¡°This is the part of the evening where I stay awake.¡± The nearly helpless musician rolled over twice more, until he bumped into a granite bench and began the laborious process of climbing into a sitting position on the seat. Gary flopped around bonelessly for a few long seconds, while he figured out how all the parts of a human body worked. ¡°Is all of that true?¡± Harry asked, while his dad was getting his various limbs to play nicely together. ¡°I can¡¯t confirm or deny any of my brother¡¯s well researched suppositions. His carefully thought out theories and evidence based conclusions are entirely his own.¡± The brown haired man yawned and swayed on his seat, barely avoiding an embarrassing tumble to the lawn. ¡°Subtle wordplay, papa.¡± Amy grumbled. ¡°So what¡¯s our next step?¡± ¡°Wilf and Harry have some interesting experiments running and I can¡¯t really leave that god-gnad just hanging out there¡­¡± He stroked his chin sleepily and yawned again. ¡°...need a giant pair of boxer shorts.¡± The big musician¡¯s eyes rolled back into his head and he gave a little wheeze, before sagging back onto the lawn, snoring loudly. ¡°That¡¯s all we¡¯ll be getting out of him today.¡± Becky announced firmly. ¡°Boys, drag your father into the grotto and toss him in the pool, please.¡± ¡°I have a whole pantheon of panicky divines to soothe and cajole; see you kids later.¡± Ward called cheerfully, before ducking back into the willow tree he¡¯d emerged from a few minutes before. Deep in the night the little family finished cleaning up their experiments and tidying the yard, amid soft conversations. ¡°We¡¯ve been getting hints and clues our whole lives, but no one could really explain this stuff before now.¡± Barry murmured to Lindsey, Maya, Frank and Benny, seated by the fireplace in the main house. Mariah¡¯s tree crackled and burned merrily on the hearth, giving off a pleasantly sweet and spicy aroma. The tiny dryad girl lounged on a branch, smoldering sleepily and not paying attention to their discussions at all. ¡°I¡¯m not sure we want to start our careers off with a scavenger hunt for a giant dick and balls relic¡­ However magical it might be.¡± Maya grumbled, drawing a silent, but firm assent from Benny. ¡°I dunno, love. It sounds like fun, think of all the dick jokes¡­¡± Frankie urged the scout, smiling eagerly at her elaborate and well practiced eye roll. ¡°That would be a lot of fun¡­¡± Benny rumbled, a smile crossing his face. ¡°Hey!¡± Maya complained at her wavering ally. ¡°Stay strong, Ben! Don¡¯t be swayed by a few cheap puns and easy comedy¡­ you¡¯re better than that!¡± ¡°I¡¯m really not.¡± Benny sighed, joining the rest of the Ragamuffins on team ¡®find the missing marble member¡¯. ¡°Gods¡­ You guys are a bunch of idiots.¡± She complained, while her flute began to greet the stars, as they shyly peeked out from behind purple curtains of scudding clouds. # The delve team got a late start for home, since Otho insisted on being unsummoned before entering the passage through the void. Ivy needed a private ritual space and a bit of time to stash her familiar safely under her skin, as a red gold tattoo of the furry mutt on her arm. Dannyl, Liam and Audrey led the way, with the rest of the team roped together, strung out behind them. The team was halfway through the rift headed for home; when everything began to shake and jiggle, even things that didn¡¯t exist properly. The airless void began to curdle and gel around the human interlopers, before relaxing away into whatever it was ordinarily¡­ If anything in the strange, non-place between worlds could be called ordinary. When things and nothings stopped shimmying, or when the group became accustomed to the ongoing shaking¡­ that was still unclear; Liam and Danyl took a careful head count. They double and triple checked each other¡¯s findings before moving on, since things could get a little abstract and fuzzy out in the nowhere. Satisfied with the results, they continued on, carefully following the lightless and impossibly empty stretch of cave they were passing through. Things moved in the endless darkness, unseen and unfelt, almost beyond human perceptions¡­. almost. ¡°Relax, something has disturbed the local area.¡± Dannyl¡¯s calm and measured voice came over their comms earrings, soothing frayed nerves. ¡°Just keep walking and we¡¯ll be on the other side in a few¡­ whatever.¡± ¡®Walking¡¯ in the strange place the group found themselves, had more to do with deciding to walk in a direction, rather than any physical act. By the same token, ¡®directions¡¯ meant little as well. ¡°These kinds of things happen from time to time. Magical effects and disruptions can make these things get a little screwy.¡± The young explorer¡¯s confident voice soothed the nervous team as they slowly began to feel something like ground under their feet again. With the tangible, but still invisible ground they walked on, a palpable sensation of clinging, trailing something passed over the travelers, bringing to mind the sensation of a cold, wet shower curtain brushing against each Adventurer¡¯s bare skin. In this case however, the ¡®curtain¡¯ was a clammy, slick, mystery that felt super disturbing as it brushed against¡­ not their bodies, but their souls in some uncomfortably intimate ways. Finally, light appeared ahead of the group, as they passed through a granite walled rift and out, above a wide valley, emerging high up on a hillside, beneath a distinctive, triangular peak. The valley floor was a symmetrical quilt of green farm fields and croplands, orchards and pastures, spread out beneath a tall white city on the far slope of the valley. The city walls rose high and white, resplendent in immaculate plaster and flying vast golden sunburst pennants from slender spires that seemed impossibly tall. Canals and waterways spread in a wide flung network, plied by too many boats, canoes and barges to count, doubtless carrying people, livestock and crops all around the splendid place. If the valley floor was pastoral perfection, the foothills were a wild tangle of untrammeled forest, without roads or signs of habitation, beyond the lowest rise of the land. ¡°Uh, that¡¯s not Foresthome¡­¡± Count Liam mumbled in embarrassment. ¡°I¡¯m feeling a little turned around, Dannyl.¡± ¡°Aw, shit.¡± The explorer sighed a moment later. # Gandree disliked Port City pretty intensely, mostly because of the smell. Open sewers led to filth clogged waterways, which dumped into the harbor¡¯s murky and reed choked banks. The stench wafted up with the breeze, even on the upper cone of the volcano, things only got worse as they descended a long,narrow trail into the town. On the lower slopes, small houses of volcanic stone with palm thatch roofs looked out over narrow, trash choked lanes or winding staircases leading to the harbor. On the waterside, the homes were wood, bamboo and palm frond constructs, or repurposed ship timber and cladding, still flecked with barnacles here and there. Squalor, filth and poverty seemed to dominate the city, while a scattering of grand plantation houses stood on the plain, keeping a discreet distance from the towns and port. A dwarf dressed in a long canvas coat, three giant wolfhounds and a well dressed goblin girl in her crisp uniform walked down the trail, drawing curious glances, rather than any surprise or alarm. ¡°My sisters and I come here from time to time¡­ They don¡¯t know what goblins are here, since no goblin man has ever come here before.¡± Daisybelle murmured happily, as they walked in the warm sunshine. ¡°They think I¡¯m just a green girl from far away. It¡¯s nice to pass unnoticed.¡± She waved her arm to take in the town, spread out before them and swarming with people of every description. Lizard men, serpent folk, furry beastkin of all kinds and kiths were mingling freely with humans and other beings that were more difficult to identify. Trade and barter swirled all around them, once inside the city proper; shops, stalls, handcarts, people carrying trays of goods and peddlers with overstuffed packs haggled and called their wares all around. Dirty, crowded, stinky¡­ the place was deeply upsetting to the dwarf¡¯s sensibilities. Perhaps it was the generally rickety impermanence of the place that was the worst of all. ¡°Are you sure this place is safe?¡± He asked quietly as they neared the bustling mercantile center of the city. ¡°Not safe at all, so be wary.¡± The green skinned girl smiled at him and patted her mount¡¯s saddlebags. ¡°Stay close close, we come here to trade, a quick errand, then we depart¡­¡± Daisybelle grumbled just a little darkly. ¡°I feel unfriendly eyes on us.¡± Three massive wargs and the oddly militant appearance of Daisybelle created a gap in the throng as they moved through the city¡¯s crowded streets, though not as much space as the nervous dwarf would prefer. Within a few blocks, Gandree felt a slight tug at his hip and his small purse of homespun cloth was gone, vanished into the crowd, his pursestrings neatly cut. ¡°Stop, thief!¡± He cried out, scanning the throng for the fleeing sneak. No one reacted or even looked around at his call, continuing their business without pause, all around. ¡°See? Many rogues and scoundrels in this town.¡± Daisybelle sighed at her lad and smiled wickedly. ¡°Tie another purse of toys to your belt and come on.¡± She giggled at the thought of the disappointed thief, when they discovered their loot was a small collection of flat clay disks with rude words and images inscribed on them¡­ The dwarf boy had no clue what a cutpurse was and had been shocked at the very idea of pickpockets and thieves roaming the streets of their destination¡­ ¡°Clever and wicked boy of mine.¡± Daisybelle murmured sweetly in his ear, while he tied a new purse of insults to his belt. ¡°This is why I love you, silly Gandree.¡± He blushed bright red and grinned, shivering at the sensation of her breath on his ear. She and Gandree had spent a lazy, sexy afternoon shaping and inscribing the silly, fake coins in the workshop, giggling together beside the warmth of his kiln. They continued on through the busy town, finally stopping four purses of clay coin later at a small, stone building on the edge of the harbour district. Moss and vines festooned the low, thatch roofed house, set behind a bamboo fence with no gate, just two long poles standing beside a gap in the fence. Three yellow painted coconuts danged from one of the long poles, clacking softly together in the gentle breeze coming from the sea. Fortunately, the wind flowed in from the open sea, rather than the stinky, leaden harbor nearby. The wargs settled down under a mango tree by the gate and waited patiently for their mistress and her new pet to unburden them. ¡°This is the place. Help me with the goods¡­ you may wish to buy or sell here as well. Uncle Ace has many interesting things¡­ He buys at fair prices.¡± Together, they briskly unburdened her doggies, removing several saddlebags from their harnesses in the shady front yard, beneath the sheltering mangroves. ¡°Uncle Ace is another of king papa¡¯s brothers. The doggies don¡¯t like his smell, so they will wait here.¡± As they worked, Gandree¡¯s eyes kept drifting back to the shore, just visible through the trees, a few down yards away. Something about the rhythmic wash and roar of the waves called to him, deep inside. ¡°Come come, we make our trades and then, later we can go play on the beach¡­ There is a place nearby where we can be alone.¡± The goblin lass murmured in her distracted partner¡¯s ear. ¡°Too close to human town, there is too much filth in the water.¡± ¡°Beach¡­¡± He murmured happily at the almost familiar word. ¡°Is that what you call that sandy bit where the water and land meet? Cause that¡¯s where I wanna go.¡± Her hand fell on the grinning dwarf¡¯s collar, as she began dragging him inside, giggling and sighing at his silliness. ¡°We trade first, I mislike the feel of this town today.¡± A bell mounted above the sturdy bamboo door jingled merrily over her words, as they jostled and goofed their way inside. The sharp, coppery scent of blood, mixed with the bitter salt tang of the sea chilled the mood, before the door finished swinging closed behind them. # Dude (Looks Like A Lady) Ch: 31 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Dude (Looks Like A Lady) Ch: 31 Behind thick stone walls, quarried from the volcano long ago and draped in climbing vines and orchids, a humble second hand shop squatted. Just a short distance outside the city walls, beneath the mangroves at the edge of the swamps the faded sign spelled out ¡®Used Goods¡¯ above three coconuts painted yellow, dangling from an old chain. Inside, someone was packing up shop quickly. The shopkeeper carefully worked to secure his most valuable goods in a number of cases, chests and trunks scattered around the shop. His movements were calm and unhurried as he selected fragile goods and stowed them in beds of straw. The walls and shelves were littered with oddities and curious goods; from a delicate porcelain tea service, to brass ship¡¯s lanterns of strange design, to rolled up carpets and rugs. Bolts of cloth, kitchenwares and small tools peeked out from the orderly jumble of goods all around. ¡°Shop¡¯s closed.¡± Gary Ward grumbled, when the bell rang merrily over the front door. ¡°Closed for good. I¡¯m leaving this island today.¡± He glared up at the hooded figure, further concealed by the bright daylight streaming in through the still open door. Several more figures slipped in behind the first, accompanied by the metallic rattle and hiss of weapons being drawn by armored men. ¡°You are leaving this place. With us, creature.¡± One of the later arrivals hissed from within her face obscuring hood. ¡°Take it alive, if you can.¡± The report of the sturdy door slamming closed started the action off with a bang, as three armed and armored men rushed the proprietor, sturdy clubs in hand and four more circled around the densely packed shelves. ¡°Think about this, guys¡­¡± The proprietor growled angrily as he backed toward the rear of the crowded shopfront. ¡°I¡¯m not gonna go with you¡­ and somebody could get hurt.¡± On his last grunted word, the big man hurled a small iron ship¡¯s stove at the figure in the lead, bashing him down with a hundred pounds of flying cast iron. The wounded man flailed weakly beneath his new chest ornament, while the others spread out to flank the shopkeeper, cudgels ready. The one who had spoken, began a whispered chant over by the door, while her minions spread out and encircled their prey. ¡°Not gonna help your buddy, huh?¡± The huge, hairy man grumbled at his foes. ¡°He might die without aid¡­¡± A stout club of baobab wood swung for his skull in answer, as the silent aggressors advanced in a group, coordinating their movements and attacks with a serene unity of purpose and an utter lack of fear. One hairy, calloused hand caught an armored wrist, as the big man swayed gracefully in the oddly quiet fracas; the only sound was the crunch of breaking bones and the clatter of a club falling to the stone floor. Undeterred, the wounded man attacked with his left hand, jabbing a wide bladed dagger into the shopkeeper¡¯s grabbing shoulder. Gary stepped to the right, bashing another assailant away, while dodging a club swung for his knees. With a frightful wrenching movement, he hurled broken arm guy over his hip, into three of his friends, while maintaining a firm hold on the man¡¯s broken limb. The giant shopkeeper gave a savage twist and wrench to his captured foe¡¯s shattered arm, wielding him as a crude weapon against his friends. The maimed and now unarmed man plowed into the club wielder Gary had just unbalanced, sending both men into a messy tangle of limbs, shelving and scattered housewares. The hairy brute stomped down on Clubby the batboy¡¯s leg, adding another broken bone to the rapidly growing collection in the shop. Gary delivered a vicious kick to the guts of one of them, he didn¡¯t care which and turned around, just in time to catch a club on his upraised forearm. He growled as the movement and impact jostled the dagger jammed in his torso, lodged firmly between two ribs and cramping his style. A fourth attacker lunged from the shadows, stabbing his dagger deep into the big man from behind, aiming low, to miss the vitals and cripple him. Gary¡¯s elbow flashed back in pure instinct and caught the dagger man in the temple with a sharp crack of arm bones and a skull shattering together. Dagger guy slumped limply to the floor, his right eye popped entirely out of his crumpled skull, while the injured giant turned to the woman by the door, his right arm now broken and pretty thoroughly stabbed. A light of fury glowed in the brute¡¯s eyes, burning like torches from his rough and wind scarred face. ¡°You fuckers are really gonna regret thi¡­¡± The big shopkeeper¡¯s roaring threat ended suddenly, as a flash of un-light and a crackling sheet of dark energy blasted through him and the man still standing, flung from the outstretched hands of the woman at the door. ¡°How regrettable¡­ The holy father wanted you alive.¡± The hooded woman sighed and leaned on a counter over the slashed and battered wreck of the heavily muscled savage on the floor. She spared no attention for her fallen comrade, sliced entirely in half at the waist and decapitated by her spell. The two remaining intact men with uncrushed brains were unsteadily rising to their feet in silence, as she stood over her prey contemplating her next steps. ¡°I¡¯ll need help hauling the body¡­ You lot are too badly damaged to manage it.¡± She mused quietly at her zombies, a moment before the doorbell jingled. # ¡°It¡¯s fascinating, they drained the lake, cut all the forests and leveled the valley floor¡­¡± Liam mumbled and grumbled as he gazed out over the funhouse mirror image of his wild and forested domain. His face displayed both anger and a kind of grudging respect for the changes these people had wrought. ¡°Don¡¯t be too impressed. They did it all with slave labor and brutal disregard for anything and anyone that got in the way.¡± Dannyl snapped his brass and monster bone spyglass closed and grumbled under his breath. ¡°Bloody light cult¡­¡± ¡°Oh?¡± Tallum rumbled behind the smaller man. ¡°I¡¯m in the cult of Light!¡± ¡°No, buddy¡­ wrong cult. These shitheads are a demon cult, a really vile one too. They¡¯ve been a serious problem for a while out here, or so Ward tells me.¡± Dannyl grumbled. ¡°They¡¯ve been taking over these fractional worlds for centuries and doing¡­ Well, cult stuff, I guess.¡± ¡°Cult stuff?¡± Ivy demanded sharply. ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°Enslavment, rape and oppression, blood rituals, human sacrifice; all the usual nastiness you¡¯d expect from the kind of people who you¡¯d expect to be interested in joining a demon cult.¡± Dannyl sighed. ¡°We should dip back out the way we came and find another path.¡± ¡°That bad?¡± Tallum growled, his usually placid face creased with an angry frown that seldom showed itself. ¡°Worse. Ward says that the gods have no influence or access in these worlds, so assholes like these are the only ones with magic and Contract abilities. They are unable to see or intervene here, since no one out here knows how to let them into these fragments of the world¡­¡± Dannyl smiled a little awkwardly at his friends. ¡°That¡¯s part of my job, as the Death God¡¯s Right Hand.¡± His smile became embarrassed when he finished his cringey title. ¡°My god is a chunni.¡± ¡°So when you plant one of those trees you carry around, the gods can enter these worlds?¡± Ivy demanded eagerly. ¡°Is that how it works?¡± ¡°Sis, it¡¯s more complicated than that and Tallum¡¯s getting pretty upset¡­¡± Dannyl whispered very carefully to his smiling sister. ¡°We¡¯ll talk later.¡± Ivy¡¯s huge husband had a look on his face that kept getting less friendly by the moment, as the blonde mage gabbled on eagerly about the Death cult her little brother belonged to. The little blonde turned on her giant, ginger husband and grinned up at him, hands on her hips. ¡°Jealous fool of a man! I already promised I wouldn¡¯t join the cult and you know I couldn¡¯t Contract with Ward if I wanted to! We¡¯re spiritually incompatible, you big dummy!¡± Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°I just don¡¯t like the way you look at him¡­¡± The giant, ginger smith sulked meekly. ¡°I know, Talums, he¡¯s just so mysterious, sexy and charming¡­. I can¡¯t help it, Ward¡¯s a snack!¡± Ivy sighed at her husband. ¡°But you know, I prefer a full meal¡­¡± Her whisper was just for him and brought his smile back from hiding. ¡°Alright you two¡­ Let¡¯s follow Dannyl¡¯s advice and get ready to head back through.¡± Liam interrupted with a cough. ¡°Nae yet, ye bunch of nattering billygoats.¡± Shai called from deeper in the passage. ¡°There be a seal on this void, one way only.¡± She announced loudly, since she was facing away, examining a stone tablet, carved in the living rock of the cavern wall. ¡°It be cleverly designed to let most living folk pass in, but none may go out, without a key. We must pick the lock, ¡®ere we leave this place.¡± ¡°A forbiddance charm? Is it a strong one?¡± Ivy asked eagerly, her husband immediately forgotten in favor of an occult mystery. ¡°Let me see!¡± The blonde beauty turned and scampered over to huddle with her giant, red haired sister; oohing and aahing over a dusty old magical inscription on the cave wall. Liam and Dannyl sat near the cave entrance, looking out over the wide, orderly farmlands under a bright, midsummer sun. ¡°It looks idyllic¡­¡± The count mumbled. ¡°If all one cares for is farmlands and pasturage.¡± ¡°Trust me brother, the people down there are paying a high price for the privilege of ¡®living under the light¡¯.¡± Dannyl answered softly. ¡°The cult takes all the orphans, all the infirm and one child of every ten live births for their own. Those children are never seen again. They run slave markets and slaver bands across this and several other worlds, to feed their ever ravenous cult.¡± Liam looked up sharply at that and skewered his young ginger friend with the glare of a lord of the land in his prime. ¡°I always suspected that the slave trade was too well organized, too well funded and too slippery¡­¡± ¡°Yup. Ward has been digging around and it seems that they are the driving force behind the slave trade, overall.¡± Dannyl sighed. ¡°They don¡¯t sell, though. The cult only buys¡­ and they buy any sentient mortal in any condition. They pay a premium for human children and a huge extra bonus for ¡®unspoiled virgins¡¯.¡± ¡°Sacrifices?¡± Liam asked grimly. ¡°Sacrifices¡­ and other obscenities.¡± The explorer answered and fell silent, looking out on the pastoral scene and the beautiful, gleaming town on the far valley side. The golden sun disk pennants atop the towers were just visible, even from so far away. ¡°The worst crimes are always hidden behind blind faith and glorious flags.¡± He muttered sourly. ¡°I¡¯m going to plant my trees on that slope down there, keep an eye out for a few minutes.¡± Liam watched as the wily young man slipped through the woodland game trails like a forest creature himself. He passed unnoticed by a group of deer, snoozing the day away under an aspen grove, leapt over a cranky badger¡¯s den and reappeared a quarter mile down slope, digging in a sunny clearing. A half hour later he clambered back up the steep slope and sank back onto a stone by the cave entrance beside the count, sweaty and dusty. ¡°What do the mages say?¡± He asked, around a jug of icy cold water from Liam¡¯s storage gift. ¡°How long ¡®til they can crack it?¡± ¡°At least another day, they want to make certain the seal remains intact after we¡¯re gone... and then however long their ritual is going to take.¡± The count answered serenely. ¡°It¡¯s nice working with dependable people.¡± ¡°You¡¯re thinking about all the paperwork waiting for you on your desk back home, aren¡¯t you?¡± The exhausted ranger grinned at the count and laughed out loud at the right red, embarrassed blush that rose to his leader¡¯s cheeks at his accusation. ¡°That¡¯s really it?¡± Dannyl gasped, sputtering around his jug of water. ¡°Oh, man¡­ you have got to get out more, brother.¡± ¡°Right now, I need to make preparations for tonight.¡± Liam slapped his knees in the age-old signal that he was getting up and going about his business; leaving the chuckling explorer on guard at the cave mouth. ¡°Did you spot a place to camp, while you were making mud pies down there? Audrey wants to root in the soil for the night.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a sheltered meadow just down slope. The soil looked a little funny, though.¡± Dannyl mumbled, while scanning the distant treeline with his spyglass. ¡°It looked like Shai or the kids had already camped there not long ago¡­ You know, dark black, weirdly fertile soil in a perfect circle, surrounded by mundane dirt.¡± ¡°Weird¡­¡± Liam muttered. ¡°I¡¯ll go check it out and set up camp if it¡¯s safe.¡± The count and his flower dragon vanished over the ledge in silence and were engulfed in the scattered trees in a moment. ¡°Never should have mentioned the dirt¡­ Bloody druids.¡± Dannyl complained to the empty sky. # Daisybelle and Gandree left the wargs under a shady tree not far from the shop she led them to, lurking on the outskirts of the edges of the town. Here the wind blew fresh off the sea, rather than the filthy harbor and its reeking, sludgy inlets. The shop backed up to a mangrove swamp and had its own pier with a single masted boat bobbing on the calm waters. With two big saddle bags over his shoulders, the dwarf followed Daisybelle¡¯s bouncy bottom through the door; accompanied by a merry, tinkling bell. He¡¯d barely come inside, when the goblin lass dropped her own burden and drew her obsidian knife with a snarl of rage. ¡°I smell murder¡­¡± She growled at a tall, hooded figure surrounded by a group of battered and bloody, armed and armored men. ¡°Children?¡± The hooded woman asked mildly. ¡°No, just the demon lord¡¯s vermin. Kill them.¡± She answered her own question and issued her order within a few heartbeats; emitting a sense of smug satisfaction that filled the room, much as the stench of blood and spilled entrails did. ¡°D-D¡­ demon lord?¡± The dwarf lad gasped, as the ragged warriors began to close in on the pair. ¡°I don¡¯t know anything about¡­¡± ¡°Forget it, Gandree¡­ They are demon cultists pretending at virtue. Those warriors are dead and walk by necromancy. She is human, though¡­ I smell her and her demon magic.¡± The diminutive warrior gave a cackling warcry and shouted into the shop. ¡°We¡¯re here, Uncle! Hold on, if you still live!¡± At that point there was little time or breath left for talking. Daisybelle launched herself at the closest warrior, He was staggering on a broken leg that seemed to only hold him up thanks to his heavily damaged armor. Her small mass was enough to topple him into his comrades in a noisy clatter, followed by a wildly laughing goblin girl, vaulting over the armored goon¡¯s backs, right into the messy fracas at the feet of the robed figure. All four men started for the goblin as one being, sorting their tangle out by kicking and hurling their maimed ally away without mercy, rushing to their master¡¯s defense. Ignored entirely as a non threat, Gandree made his presence known; when the standing warrior nearest him fell over backwards with a loud and unmusical twanging noise. The burly dwarf kicked the fallen man in the head to free his weapon and wrenched his short, heavy, shovel ukulele from the dead man¡¯s split helmet. With a quick and brutally economical blow, the dwarf sheared into the knee of his nearest standing foe and yanked the zombie down to the ground with a savage twist and tug on the brutally unconventional weapon. Daisybelle stifled her shout of encouragement for her boy, when the robed woman suddenly vanished behind the counter she was standing behind, with a short cry of alarm. An instant later, the remaining zombies fell still and slumped to the ground, cleanly dead at last. ¡°Careful, lad¡­ There might be some trick here.¡± She called out to her boy. ¡°Uncle Ace, is that you?¡± Only a low groan answered her, coming from behind the counter. Slowly, a massive figure rose from behind the sturdy desk, horribly torn and savaged all over, by weapon and spell. The monster glared around the room with one red, blazing eye, finally settling on Daisybelle; the other orb was missing, along with half of its face, torn away by some violent act. It reached down with its one remaining arm and gently placed the robed necromancer¡¯s still form on the counter, before tearing her hood away with a slash of its massive hand. ¡°Glarbla-blargh¡­¡± It groaned incoherently through a torn and ragged throat. ¡°We should step outside, perhaps¡­¡± Gandree muttered to his green damsel, who was watching the creature warily. ¡°No, we stay¡­ He is vulnerable until he finishes eating her brain.¡± She whispered softly. ¡°She will be uncle Ace, for a while.¡± The awful spectre leaned down over the rigid, still very much alive and horrified woman¡¯s face, as if for a tender kiss from what was left of his lips. The woman¡¯s eyes rolled wildly in their sockets, though her body remained immobile. Instead, the wight turned its remaining ear to its captive¡¯s face, as a slimy, slippery, yellow and blue spotted creature wriggled out of the corpse¡¯s auditory canal and dropped down beside the terrified woman¡¯s ear. The tiny yellow, blue ringed octopus snaked a few tentacles into the paralyzed woman¡¯s ear and began laboriously hauling itself inside her skull. The dwarf looked away as her expression slowly changed from fear and rage to absolute horror, as the tiny monster squirmed deeper into her braincase. A few long minutes of wet and squishy sounds later, the woman opened her eyes again and sat up, as if nothing interesting was going on at all. ¡°Daisybelle¡­ I¡¯d love to make proper introductions, but I¡¯m out of here, before her friends show up.¡± The woman said with a wry smile and a wink. ¡°You two should come with me, since I doubt you¡¯ll make it back through town, now that you¡¯ve come here. The cult has agents scattered all through the place. We¡¯re sailing for it.¡± She sighed. ¡°I wish the cult of light much luck in trying to rule this pest hole.¡± Over the next few minutes, the chests and trunks that were packed, made their way to the small boat out on the pier. The wargs and the dwarf got herded aboard over their protests and firmly instructed to sit still by the goblin girl. ¡°Daze¡­ this thing keeps rocking and swaying¡­ Is it going to tip over?¡± Gandree asked nervously, once he was seated on a locker near the rear of the little ship, surrounded by unhappy wargs. ¡°This feels really unstable!¡± ¡°Not if you sit still, silly boy of mine. We will be away soon.¡± She landed a lingering kiss on his lips as she darted away, fiddling with the ropes, while ¡®uncle Ace¡¯ returned to the shop. When she emerged a moment later, the strange woman closed and locked the shop up, after tossing a burning lantern filled with oil into the crowded, tinder dry interior. The woman leapt aboard the slowly drifting boat and took the helm, while Daisybelle settled down on Gandree¡¯s lap with a satisfied grunt. ¡°Daze, take the helm, please. I need to get myself sorted out. Head northwest, darling.¡± The woman had a smooth, sultry voice when she spoke, warm and inviting. The torn hood revealed short cropped, white-blonde hair and deep bright green eyes in a pale, fine featured face. She was a startlingly beautiful woman in her early twenties, with rich sensuous curves barely concealed by her torn and tattered robe. ¡°I hate taking a new body on the run, but what can we do?¡± She sighed sweetly. ¡°This bitch¡¯s memories are going to give me indigestion and nightmares for a week¡­¡± She complained to no one in particular. The odd woman stripped bare with casual ease, right there on the deck, before dipping a pail on a rope over the side and dousing herself with sparkling seawater, fresh from the ocean all around. Water showered over her lithe, milk pale body, sheeting over her full, pink nippled breasts and hairless pubic mound, running off the deck at her feet, back into the sea. Crystalline droplets glistening in the late morning sun, the wind riffling in her short hair while the little ship turned to chase the breeze toward the northwest. She took a bar of soap from the locker her water pail came from and began lathering her body all over, scrubbing herself with a sponge from the same stores. Her smile of sensual delight and pleasure was a radiant beacon of sexiness, nearly blinding the stunned dwarf lad. A towel and robe emerged from the same locker, easing Gandree¡¯s anxiety, once she was covered. ¡°Ahh, much better.¡± She announced with pleasure, the towel still draped over her hair in effortless, casual elegance. ¡°We haven¡¯t been properly introduced yet, they call me the ¡®Demon Lord¡¯ of this realm, even though I refuse to rule it.¡± She winked again, and clicked her tongue at him while shooting him dead with double finger guns. ¡°I¡¯m Gary Ward¡­ And I think, so are you.. brother.¡± # Ragdoll Ch: 32 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Ragdoll Ch: 32 Gandree sat at the bow, hands idly working his crafts while his mind wandered to the far horizon, across the endless, sparkling expanse of the sea. It was quiet, just a few yards from his companions, only the slap of waves against the sharp prow of the little ship and the wind in the rigging disturbed his aimless thoughts. ¡®The sea, it seems so¡­ familiar?¡¯ He wondered, drawing in another deep, salt scented breath of cool, ocean air. It had been terrifying, for a brief moment as they steered into the place where the world seemed to end. In his young life, living in the caverns and mines of Dwarfhold and the mountain fastness all around, he¡¯d never seen such a thing. Only the eternal dome of the sky should or could be so unendingly vast, he¡¯d believed, until they left the mangroves and headed away from the only speck of land around. Daisybelle and her ¡®uncle¡¯ were at the helm, conversing and chattering together, surrounded by sleepy looking wargs. Gandree had figured out where their conversation was headed and decided to excuse himself, when things got into realms of ¡®girl talk¡¯ that made him deeply uncomfortable. The unfortunate lad tried to stop replaying i his mind, the part of their conversation he¡¯d overheard; with little success. ¡°...so about once a month you humans have to put up with that? Huh.¡± Daisybelle muttered, with a wink at Gandree. ¡°I¡¯ll teach you the tummy-time charms¡­ There¡¯s a way to dispel them too, if you find a nice boy and decide to get babyfull¡­¡± Her follow up wink was even saucier and drove her boy to the front of the boat, lest his face burn up from the ever increasing heat in his cheeks. Even reflecting on the situation gave him prickly heat on the nape of his neck. He shut his brain off with a firm scolding and let himself become absorbed in his work. His needle flashed in the sun, dipping in and out of the wad of cloth on his lap, almost without his direction. Once fully immersed in a task, without a distinct plan or design, even the lad himself was never sure what the final result would be. Whatever strange gift or madness haunted his restless dreams and possessed his eternally moving hands could be; when he fell into this state, wonders often resulted. Wonders that entranced and terrified his elders in the hold¡­ Like his flute, crafted from stolen scrap metal, in secret in an unlit workshop, one deep in the mountain and long forgotten by the living residents of Dwarfhold. The dead had remembered¡­ and led him there; whispering songs, music and stories in the dark, filling his ears with forgotten secrets for as long as he could remember. Here on the open, daylit sea it was truly quiet, though he could feel them even here. They were always around, fragments and figments of long departed lives, waiting for night to cluster around and gently remind him that he was not truly alone, ever. # ¡°...yeah, your boy is pretty much a normal dwarf, with a little extra life force and some memories from another world.¡± Sarah Ward murmured softly, once their ¡®girl talk¡¯ had banished the lad to the far end of the ship. ¡°He¡¯s pretty haunted, too. Most of us are, to one degree or another.¡± She shrugged and smiled, displaying one little dimple that was simply devastating at close range. ¡°Hmph, don¡¯t you go seducing my boy, now. He¡¯s mine.¡± Daisybelle grumbled angrily at the tall, slender woman. ¡°Sweetie, you have nothing to worry about there. He¡¯s so mad for you I don¡¯t think I could if I wanted to try¡­¡± She sighed, her pale bosoms heaving in the open collar of her robe. ¡°Also, I¡¯m a dude and he¡¯s my¡­ brother? Half cousin? It¡¯s too weird to think about and I am definitely not ¡®seducing¡¯ him.¡± ¡°You are mighty sexy, now.¡± Daisybelle mumbled. ¡°Your last body was ugly and mean looking.¡± ¡°He was an ugly and mean guy, until I took him over.¡± She sighed wistfully. ¡°I¡¯ve never been a woman before¡­ She was so pretty, I feel kinda bad for killing her.¡± ¡°She was bad, though¡­ right?¡± The little goblin asked softly. ¡°She was awfully pretty.¡± ¡°She was a stone cold murderer and a necromancer, Daze. I¡¯m digesting her brain and getting her memories¡­ It¡¯s pretty awful.¡± The beautiful woman smiled grimly out at the open sea for a short time, steering the ship in silence. ¡°She was awful. Human and beastfolk sacrifice, child murder, torture, you don¡¯t wanna know how deep her crimes went. Her beauty was a weapon she used to get what she wanted, nothing more.¡± Sarah clapped her hands loudly, in a very unfeminine manner and chuckled. ¡°I¡¯m stuck with her for now¡­ Just wish I had some clothes. None of Ace¡¯s stuff will fit.¡± ¡°Well, uncle¡­ auntie Sarah, you are double lucky then! My boy is a fine tailor and I put him to making you some clothes already! Praise my smartness!¡± She crowed at her new auntie. ¡°He is very freshly out of his dwarf hole¡­ be gentle with him.¡± She spoke softly, watching Gandree¡¯s unsteady approach with a neatly tied bundle of cloth in his hands. He staggered with the slow itch and roll of the little ship, as they glided over calm seas. He paused a few steps away and cleared his throat awkwardly at the two giggling women. ¡°Daze asked me to make you some¡­ some things.¡± He muttered and blushed, holding the tidy, square bundle of gray cloth, printed with bright white, stylized clouds. ¡°I had a bunch of cloth and stuff already¡­¡± ¡°Good lad. Thank you, I¡¯ll go below and get dressed now¡­ Gandree, was it?¡± Her voice had a sensual timbre, warm and soothing to the ear. ¡°Just remember¡­ inside, I¡¯m a tiny blue ringed octopus¡­ and in many ways, your brother.¡± ¡°Hmph.¡± Daisybell sniffed at her with just a hint of indignation. ¡°Gandree boy is mine, all mine I¡¯m not worried about him. If you meet king papa in this form, he¡¯s gonna get super confused¡­ and by confused, I mean his babystick might explode.¡± The strangled grunt of near fatal embarrassment that Gandree choked out went unnoticed, as Daisibelle put his numb hands on the little ship¡¯s wheel as Sarah ducked through the hatch, vanishing below decks with her bundle. ¡°Steer straight on, Gandree. We¡¯ll be back soon.¡± The beautiful green girl cooed, before following the blonde human woman into the cabin. ¡°Oh, sweet goddess Joy¡­¡± He whispered softly to the sun so high above. ¡°Send me aid and guidance in this, my most desperate hour.¡± # ¡°It will be safe to camp here, Audrey says a small pack of wargs and a pair of humanoids passed through here a day or two ago, otherwise there¡¯s no one around for miles.¡± Liam announced in the clearing below the triangular peak, just above the treeline. ¡°Set up here, Shai. Keep it low key please.¡± His floral familiar was already rooted in the rich, loamy circle of soil Dannyl had described. About thirty yards across and perfectly circular, the patch of magically active and utterly harmless soil strongly resembled the traces Gary and his family left behind wherever they went¡­ The site was smaller by far than any of them had ever created. Even when Gary had been newly ¡®landed¡¯ on the world, he¡¯d left a circle of fertile earth nearly twice that size, wherever he planted his house. Audrey liked it though, whispering her satisfaction and happiness across their bond. Liam settled on a boulder near the site Shai had her eye on, she would be engulfing that mysterious trace in her own gift, once she began¡­ Liam grinned wolfishly, eager to learn more about the strange patch of earth and even more eager to explore what Audrey¡¯s senses would tell him about Shai¡¯s mysterious casting, as it surrounded the familiar plant monster. Ever since he¡¯d first witnessed Gary conjure his home, Liam had been fascinated by the act. Neither he, nor any of the talented and skilled mages that had encountered the process, had ever been able to perceive how it worked. In utter defiance of all magical laws and principles; somehow, the mad fool managed to draw light, shadow, magic and something else, stranger than any of those mysterious elements into physical reality at will. Where the structure came from, or even what it was really made from remained an enduring conundrum that defied any logical explanation. Liam settled back on his stone seat and opened his senses to the vegetal creature rooted in the soil, as Shai¡¯s spells and borrowed magic rolled out in waves. Music showered from her dancing, swaying hips and violin, joined by Ivy and Tallum¡¯s tight drum and bass combo, adding their own Mana and Will to the mix, but entirely under the command of the musician, mage, dancer who led the performance spell with a firm hand and unshakeable confidence. ¡°I wonder if that¡¯s all it is¡­ just confidence and Will.¡± He murmured, lost in a spectacle of magic and illusion made substance, before his ¡®eyes¡¯. In truth, Audrey¡¯s root system and magical senses told him more about what was really going on inside the spell-working than any human organs could. Each footfall, whether a delicate step or thudding stomp was a vital piece of the ritual, just as each individual note formed a chord, then a melody and each rising harmony shifted another piece of the creation from the void. It poured out of the place where shadows and light intermingled, slowly and steadily, like honey from a cracked hive. In a few short minutes the song drew to a close, as her magical haze, fog and distracting shadows drifted away; revealing a cluster of low, dun colored tents gathered around a small, natural hot spring pool. ¡°Fie, I hae not made a camp before¡­ Gary did always create those, tis tricksey!¡± She sighed with satisfaction at her creation and nodded. ¡°A bath and an early night is what¡¯s needed. Ivy and I shall crack that seal tomorrow and we¡¯ll be away ¡®ere evening.¡± Shai declared firmly. ¡°I¡¯d have mine children and husband under these eyes sooner, rather than later.¡± #If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. It was a strangely long night for the combined Ragamuffin and Clown-shoes encampment, restless and queer. The stars themselves seemed to wheel and spin in irrational ways, until finally, both moons slipped below the horizon, plunging the world into dim, starlit silence for a long time¡­ Even Gary slept until dawn¡¯s first light cracked the star speckled shell of night over the sky. He awoke, bleary eyed and feeling absolutely weird in his middle, like his guts had been gently stirred, with a pitchfork. ¡°Ugh¡­ I feel gross.¡± He moaned into Shai¡¯s soft shoulder and tickly red hair. As if that were all that was needed, his guts settled down and started behaving properly, bringing an almost giddy sensation of well-being into his body. ¡°Aye lad? Let me get a look at thee¡­ Wait? What?¡± She asked softly, her hands gently cupping his face in their familiar bed. ¡°How?¡± ¡°Babe, am I dreaming right now? My whole thing is kinda messed up lately¡­¡± He mumbled awkwardly, struggling to remain calm in the face of yet another weird, inexplicable happening. ¡°Fool of a man!¡± She sighed wearily, as she sagged into his very real and almost certainly not dreaming arms. When the pale, red haired beauty in flannel pajamas reached down and delivered a stinging slap to her mad husband¡¯s ass, reality came crashing down on the couple like a landslide. ¡°Ow! And, nice one!¡± He gasped, hugging his wife close and giggling madly for a few minutes, while her handprint bloomed on his buttcheek. ¡°Let¡¯s see what the hell is going on here.¡± He mumbled into her shoulder at last. Together they dressed, linked hands and slipped through the corridor to check on the kids¡­ Who were not in their rooms down the hall. The pair could sense that already, through their innate connection to the home and the bonds the family shared, but they just had to check anyway. They sighed over the empty beds and clutter of long forgotten toys and smiled, reflecting on good times, as parents must, by a law older than any other. The kids and their teammates were in their own homes, scattered around the compound; just as Liam, Ivy and Tallum were in their own tents, where they had gone to sleep. They located Becky and Kermal as well, the two were still asleep, snugly nestled in Becky¡¯s victorian gingerbread cottage, painted in all the shades of purple and lilac. ¡°So how did you guys get here?¡± Gary asked, once they had everyone accounted for, including Mariah and the familiars, all of whom were still blissfully asleep. ¡°I would ask the same¡­ If I knew fer certain where ¡®here¡¯ is¡­¡± She murmured quietly in the kitchen, as they worked at the familiar breakfast tasks together. ¡°I am nae certain where we might be.¡± ¡°Good point, love¡­ Let¡¯s put these biscuits in the oven and see what¡¯s what.¡± He shrugged carelessly, his old mad, silly smile plastered on his face again after so long. ¡°I haven¡¯t felt this good in years¡­¡± They watched from the front porch, as dawn slowly crept down the mountain peaks, revealing the distant white city with its tall towers and sun disk pennants. ¡°Fie.¡± Shai muttered, while Gary looked up at the triangular peak behind them and the rolling expanse of forest, heavily cultivated flat land and the gleaming city of splendors in stunned wonder. ¡°Did we¡­ travel worlds?¡± He whispered softly, once his brain started working again. ¡°Aye, it seems so¡­ but nae to a good one.¡± She sighed. ¡°Glad I am to hae thee all under our roof again, but that city be a wicked place, so Dannyl says.¡± She stroked her throat slowly, the way she did when thinking deeply on something¡­ That always made it difficult for Gary to think too deeply about anything but her smooth skin for a few moments. ¡°We should strike the inn and other houses, mayhap we hae not been seen, lying in the mountain¡¯s shadow yet..¡± ¡°Babe, I have breakfast cooking¡­¡± He whined weakly. ¡°Fie on your biscuits! Do it, lad. I¡¯ll wake the bairns and hae them strike the camp. We can rough it for a morning, ¡®til we leave this place.¡± She gave him a gentle swat to the rump and a tushie squeeze to get the job started. ¡°So bossy!¡± He grumbled as Shai left to wake the kids. ¡°I get to be the strict one tonight, lover!¡± Foolishness and playful grabass aside, the structures vanished into wherever they came from, before full daylight slid down the mountain in a slow moving tide of summer¡¯s warmth. Only the tents and the small hotspring remained, rendering the camp all but invisible from a score of yards away. It was a very subdued and confused reunion, especially for Lindsey and Flash, who were still struggling with a whole load of fresh crazy already. The family and friends, new and old mixed and mingled in the little clearing, far from anywhere any of them knew and had as fine a time as one could hope for. ¡°...a different world, but it¡¯s the same mountain, just a little bit skewed and changed.¡± Dannyl paused, looking all around suspiciously, before he continued. ¡°Think of it like a reflection in a distorted mirror.¡± He explained gently, once more. ¡°Then break that mirror into almost infinite pieces, each one showing the same view, but from different angles and in different shapes, sizes and orientations.¡± He stopped again, once more peering about with a nervous expression on his handsome face. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± Lindsey asked, sensing the tension in the young Adventure veteran and explorer. ¡°You seem jittery¡­¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ it¡¯s Gary.¡± He confided softly. ¡°Everyone else knows, so we don¡¯t really think about it much¡­ He has a problem¡­¡± He mulled and considered what seemed to be a thorny topic for a moment, before looking around once again with great care. ¡°Mirrors. When Gary is around, you can¡¯t let him see a mirror.¡± He confided with serious gravitas, for such a silly demand. ¡°You can¡¯t even talk about mirrors, or reflections.¡± ¡°What?¡± She asked, just a little too loudly. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Noone knows. If he sees a mirror or thinks too hard about reflections or similar topics he gets a little¡­ weird.¡± Dannyl smiled sadly and shrugged. ¡°He always has. Did you notice there¡¯s no mirrors in the house, except the ones behind cabinet doors or hidden in closets or the stable?¡± ¡°I did wonder about that¡­¡± She murmured. ¡°The kids and Shai hide all their mirrors when he¡¯s around, just to be safe. It¡¯s super weird and uncomfortable, whenever it happens, so be careful please.¡± Dannyl was usually a cheerful man, his serious mein and no nonsense attitude in this case hammered his point home firmly. ¡°I understand, but does he? I get the sense that this phenomenon is something he is unaware of¡­¡± ¡°Very perceptive of you. Keep it secret, please¡­ and don¡¯t experiment with him, Shai takes his condition very seriously¡± Dannyl smiled at last, as she nodded firmly. ¡°When I explain this multiple worlds thing to him, I¡¯ll use a broken crystal metaphor or something¡­ I don¡¯t know.¡± He sighed at last, as someone started playing a sprightly dancing tune on a guitar. ¡°Life is pretty complicated in the Ward family. You won¡¯t regret joining, though.¡± Dannyl took her by the hand and pulled her into a wild, whirling dance across the lawn, before passing her hand off to Barry with a smile and bow. Gary was on a garden bench, playing and smiling, with clear, bright eyes, rather than the drugged, glassy gaze he usually had, while handling a musical instrument. His tiny insect familiar was perched atop his head, grinning just as widely as her bonded companion. ¡°This is amazing!¡± He gasped. ¡°I can play here¡­ without ruining my pants!¡± # Up at the void maw¡­ a few hard rocking tracks later, Gary peered at the inscribed tablet carved from the living rock of the mountain with arcane arts. ¡°Uh huh. Yeah.¡± He muttered crossly at the stubborn wall. ¡°That¡¯s really complex and confusing!¡± He complained at Ivy, Shai and Harry, the three most competent mages in the family. ¡°That¡¯s why we wanted you to look at it, pops.¡± Harry murmured softly, as if speaking to a frightened child. ¡°Don¡¯t exert yourself or anything¡­ It¡¯s giving us some trouble. We don¡¯t want to brute force it and leave this passage open.¡± ¡°Yeah, no sense breaking a perfectly good lock. Just need a key.¡± He mumbled crossly, while scribbling fiercely in a notepad. ¡°Ghah! It¡¯s making my brain spin!¡± He tore his page out from the little book and folded it again and again, until it was a tiny, flat square. ¡°There¡¯s just too many variables and random factors¡­¡± He reached in his pocket and pulled out his sewing and mending kit, a tiny packet of waxed leather with a few needles and a spool of spidersilk thread. Furiously, the musician plucked one of his homemade bronze needles out and sewed the little square of paper to his own collar, with deft and sure fingers. Gary released an exasperated grunt when he finished his odd task and glanced over at the family mages. ¡°Ok, we can leave whenever. I made us a key.¡± ¡°Take it easy, Gary.¡± Shai soothed him gently. ¡°We can open this lock with a bit more study. Take your ease back in camp.¡± ¡°Nah, really. We can go whenever¡­¡± He grumbled sourly. ¡°I was feeling so good too¡­ Now I have a headache.¡± ¡°Papa¡­ you¡¯re making mom and auntie Ivy upset.¡± Harry snapped just a little sharply. ¡°Focus up, dad.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, sorry¡­ It¡¯s just, that¡¯s one of my seals¡­ Written in a strange language and using unfamiliar runes, but my translation gift still works.¡± He sighed wearily and sank to the stone floor of the cave. ¡°I made that seal; in a language I¡¯ve never seen before, using runes and ciphers I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s even in my handwriting.¡± He glared out at the sunlit world, beyond the cave mouth and sighed again. ¡°This shit¡¯s crazy.¡± ¡°While you guys break your brains over that bit of weirdness; I¡¯m gonna go get the family moving.¡± Ivy declared, as she slipped out into the sunshine. ¡°Be right back.¡± ¡°I know it¡¯s jarring, dad.¡± Harry mumbled quietly. ¡°It happens to us all the time. We forget who made what and can¡¯t even figure it out, because we¡¯re all so similar. Don¡¯t get me started on the underwear complications.¡± Both men smiled and giggled like idiots, while Shai sighed and patted them both on the head. ¡°I¡¯ll hae no end of worries, with these boys of mine.¡± Ten minutes later, the whole posse was crammed into the narrow cave, roped together with Dannyl¡¯s knotted cord. ¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t wanna be put out first, Gary?¡± The young Adventurer asked gently. ¡°One zap from Kree and you¡¯ll wake up safe and sound on the other side. It can be startling, or even frightening, the first few times.¡± ¡°Buddy, this is definitely not my first time.¡± Gary answered with little of his usual flippancy and foolishness. ¡°I feel it, like a cool wind at my back and from the inside of me, as well. Out here I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not whole, but my curses don¡¯t seem to have any bite¡­ And I haven''t stepped in horse crap all day!¡± ¡°Uh, great job dodging doo-doo?¡± Dannyl muttered quietly. ¡°That kinda thing makes me more worried about you, not less.¡± ¡°That¡¯s one of his curses¡­¡± Becky explained softly. ¡°Eponna marked him with her greatest blessing and her most minor curse. No equine will refuse to help him in any matter, but they also can¡¯t resist crapping where he will inevitably step in it.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Dannyl gasped excitedly. ¡°That¡¯s hilariously awesome!¡± Down the line, Lindsey and Flash giggled their agreement, sputtering together with Barry and the boys. ¡°You too, Wilf?¡± Gary sighed at his firstborn son. ¡°Sorry, dad¡­ It¡¯s legitimately funny.¡± Wilf pronounced in his Voice Of Judgement, the declaration ringing out with utter finality. ¡°That is the Truth.¡± ¡°My own son¡­¡± The musician sighed, as he joined his family in walking toward the edge of the world and endless darkness, whistling the ¡®Colonel Bogey March¡¯. He¡¯d always loved the merry, marching tune from ¡®The Bridge On The River Kwai¡¯. ¡°Is he gonna be ok?¡± Liam whispered in Shai¡¯s ear as they marched along beside him down the passageway. ¡°I hae not seen him this fit and healthy since¡­ Well, just since. An there¡¯s trouble, we hae him tied to us well and true.¡± She muttered back. ¡°We shall trust him.¡± Together, the odd caravan slipped into the cave and vanished from the world, into nowhere at all. # Sarah Ward crossed her arms under her plump and bouncy boobs with a grunt of displeasure. Standing nude in the little cabin of Wanderlust, she glared at Daisybelle, who was holding up a tiny scrap of something red. ¡°A red silk thong?¡± She demanded hotly. ¡°The bra is just as bad! There¡¯s nothing to it at all, just lace, satin ribbons and fond wishes!¡± ¡°The clothes are lovely though¡­¡± Daze urged her new auntie gently. ¡°He made you underthings like mine. Trust me, you don¡¯t want dwarf lady undies.¡± She pulled a sour grimace and giggled. ¡°Your splendid boobies and booty in those scratchy potato sacks¡­ The thought is a crime against sexiness!¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll go commando¡­¡± Sarah muttered crossly, fingering a set of soft, smooth trousers and a fine shirt to match. ¡°No no! Gotta wear the bra and panties! Otherwise it ruins the whole fit!¡± She whined piteously. ¡°And your boobs will fall out of your shirt! That counts as seducing, so no fair!¡± ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± She muttered at last. ¡°These things are rune marked and enchanted¡­ Lifting, firming, enhanced jiggle physics! What the hell? You said he was a babe in the woods! These are some dangerous undies! In the wrong hands¡­¡± ¡°Yes yes¡­ Let sweet Daisybelle help you, auntie¡­¡± She cooed and purred, while her hands made grabby motions, almost involuntarily. Almost. # Sarah climbed up from the cabin a few minutes later, dressed in the well fitted warm weather garments he¡¯d fashioned for her, while he was contemplating the world. Fortunately, everything seemed quite sensible and appropriate, no weirdness or awkward stuff at all. Her gray linen pants were snug at the hips, held up with a sash of burgundy silk and flowed loosely to her ankles. A loose wrap-around shirt of pale pink silk set off her complexion and perfect, rose petal lips. It also displayed just the right amount of smooth skin and the contours of her bosoms. He sighed with relief, deeply pleased that his gifts hadn¡¯t gotten all weird again. A sweet rush of cooling and soothing energy poured over him as he admired his handiwork. Sarah was a beauty¡­ but Gandree¡¯s mind was fixated on an idea; contemplating playing dress up with Daisybell and smiling wickedly. # ¡°I really thought the goblin king would be my first completed Contract outside this world¡­¡± Thirp muttered to Eponna and Marduk, over afternoon tea. ¡°Enchanted lingerie right out of the gate¡­ He¡¯s full of surprises!¡± She sighed happily. ¡°I feel like a whole new spider!¡± ¡°I¡¯m also pleasantly surprised by that dwarf boy.¡± Marduk answered with a smile. ¡°And he really knows his smutty undies.¡± # Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Ch: 33 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go Ch: 33 Endless, heedless nothing stretched on to the end of everything, somewhen, overwhere; ¡®expressed¡¯ as a fundamental lack of being, beginning or ending, only the void existed. In a kinda-sorta way. With a subtle shimmy in the perpetual nothingness, a group of beings appeared, strung on a cord of silk, like a string of beautiful pearls dropped into a velvet bag. Where sentients looked, wonders and horrors appeared; transient images and flickerings of long forgotten dreams and nightmares, flitting through the very edges of mortal perception. Mortal senses were not intended to gaze between worlds and the unprepared could face perils derived from their own fears and nightmares. Such things had no substance, but could cause a panicked traveller to lose their way in the trackless never, where physical matter can only exist in the narrow passages between worlds. Those who strayed off the path seldom returned¡­ and never returned whole; in either mind or body. In the almost instantaneous shift between ¡®reality¡¯ and the eternal void, ¡®things¡¯ like time, matter, space and energy ceased to truly exist on some fundamental levels. One mortal soul, in the center of the group was no softly glowing pearl on a silken cord; it glinted and glittered harshly in the non light of the void. Scintillating, brilliant beams of invisible light shot out in all directions from the figure, invisible to mortal eyes and senses, while piercing the eternal darkness. What remained of Gary¡¯s shattered, broken, barely sane and normal mortal brain shrieked a soft, animal cry of distress, somewhere in the back of his skull. As his tattered edges began to fray and disperse into the everywhen and anywhere all around, it scrambled for some sense of solidity and found some, or at least the illusion of safety. With an effort of Will, he slowly drew his Animus out and expanded it, instinctively reaching for a way to soothe his insistent fascination and almost irresistible desire to gaze into nothing for eternity, or until the end of everything came around to sweep him away. After a moment that wasn¡¯t exactly what anyone would call ¡®time¡¯ passed silently, lost in the endless, soothing dark, Gary backed away from the abyss, compressing his vastly scattered essence close around the little group of softly glowing forms surrounding him. As he withdrew back inside himself fully, wrapping his body around his soul like a comfy old robe, he found a subtle and disturbing elasticity, a sense of malleability in the non-space that made his eyes ache. At the head of the line, Dannyl strode confidently through the void, pretending to be unconcerned by the firm stone walls and a smooth cave floor, spontaneously manifesting from the ether as he walked. In the space between, anything at all could appear¡­ and of all the manifestations he¡¯d experienced in his travels, this was super nice. Only he could see where the tunnel began¡­ or ended, in eye watering nothingness ¡®far¡¯ ahead. At the tail of the line, Tallum worked really hard to ignore the fact that the cave they walked through vanished away as they passed, always ending just a half dozen steps behind his own boot heels in a silent, swirling blackness that was way too spooky to be simple darkness. After years living around Gary and his kids, the big man had developed a keen sense for the eldritch, creepy and occult. This weird tunnel was all three and plenty more things he was trying to avoid considering. That was when his sister¡¯s fool started up a tune, dispelling the gloomy mood and sinister aura of the place. His mad brother-in-law¡¯s joyous whistle cut the darkness before them, gently easing their passage through what wasn¡¯t, but could possibly, absolutely be anything, should enough Will be applied to the issue. A few timeless bars of sweet music later, sunlight appeared, followed by a fresh sea breeze. The granite cave slowly became volcanic tufa stone around them and stopped disappearing so uncannily behind their feet. Everyone noticed when their boots started crunching on real, honest rocks, gravel and grit, back in something resembling a real world. Sunset streamed bright golden light through the cave entrance, encouraging the Adventurers to keep moving forward. Gary stopped on the lip of the cavern, breathing deep and looking out over the sparkling, tropical sea before them and the small island, with its flat, desolate plain of mine waste. ¡°I love it Shai¡­ it¡¯s everything you promised!¡± He gasped happily. ¡°I¡¯m really out of gas though¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°I kinda overextended myself just a little.¡± ¡°Aye, it is¡­ now sit down, ¡®ere you fall down, ye look fit to pass out on your feet¡­¡± She began, just as he slowly slipped to the stoney floor of the cave mouth. ¡°Uncle Liam¡­ Could Audrey please carry our dad down the mountain. He¡¯s gone to sleep again.¡± Larry called up to the front of the line. With skill born of long practice, the lad checked his father¡¯s vitals and measured his Mana and Stamina pools with a monocle device Harry had developed for the task. ¡°His pools are refilling nicely and trousers are dry, so we¡¯re all good!¡± Barry¡¯s hand found Lindsey¡¯s clasping and engulfing her fingers in a warm, soothing embrace. ¡°Because pops was forcibly deranked from the edge of bronze, all the way down to unranked; my dad is always walking a tightrope with his Mana and Stamina.¡± Barry explained, while the man was slowly wrapped in a cocoon of vines and gently engulfed into one of the enormous snapdragon blooms. ¡°All but one of his attributes, as well as all of his skills and gifts are at the upper end of copper rank; while his Mana and Stamina are at the maximum for a mundane, unranked human. If he uses any gift or skill with a cost in Mana or Stamina, he immediately runs out of both and crashes hard.¡± Barry frowned and sighed at the bright blue sky above. ¡°All the things he wants to do; whether crafts, magery, martial arts or even playing a country dance tune around the campfire is always just out of his reach. It¡¯s the worst kind of curse, because a person¡¯s gifts touch every aspect of their soul.¡± The big lad leaned back and whistled a short snatch of the marching song his father had been whistling, just a short time before. ¡°So even if his divine curses don¡¯t reach in these strange places¡­ He still can¡¯t access his gifts, or even exert himself physically, in any meaningful way.¡± Lindsey offered quietly, when Barry¡¯s tune paused. ¡°When the three lost divines vanished, so many people found themselves in that position¡­ No effective treatment was ever found; only replacing the void in the afflicted soul with a new Contract gave any relief. Even then, recovery was often arduous.¡± ¡°Yeah, I suppose so.¡± Barry nodded soberly, holding her hand while she steadied herself on Flash¡¯s training saddle and blinked in the bright sunshine. ¡°Let¡¯s get on flat ground, Flash could use a run, I think.¡± Barry¡¯s subject change was a little hamfisted but the poor horse was skittish and over excited already. Flash kept staring at the wide, sandy beach surrounding most of the island and prancing in place, giving off excited little whickers every few seconds. At the foot of the volcano, the group fanned out, awaiting instruction from the count. ¡°We swept this island for danger, but the jungle and mangrove swamp are still pretty much unexplored.¡± Liam announced, while the family tuned their instruments and prepared to set up for the evening on that same patch of gravely wasteland. ¡°Treat this as hostile territory, remain armed and alert, move in groups of three outside the compound and watch for trouble.¡± The count¡¯s orders were firm, direct and completely by the book, just like the man himself. Starting from the site of their previous camp and the wide circle of changed earth left behind, they began the ritual, so familiar, but still so mysterious. Shai took the lead, as usual, drawing her husband¡¯s gifts out into the world with gentle and careful arts. Her violin, bells and dancing feet wove in and around his guitar, directing his gifts with her own in a subtle interplay even the two main participants didn¡¯t understand. One by one Becky and the kids fell in, adding their own gifts and magical essences to the unique spell and its impossible conjurations, forging shadow and mist into solid forms and something like reality. Halfway through a reggae tinged performance of ¡®Don¡¯t Fence Me In¡¯, Gary¡¯s distinctive Will and Animus began to swirl and spread out, taking an active role in expanding the scope of the working, gently but surely. Shai¡¯s eyes opened wide in surprise, with concern following soon after, though she didn¡¯t drop the melody. ¡°Are ye sure, Lad? I would nae have thee weakened and ill tonight.¡± She demanded gently, as her dancing hips swayed past the smiling fool. ¡°Yeah babe, it feels right. I can dig a little deeper here. Let¡¯s take it back around with ¡®Island In The Sun¡¯... Harry Bellafonte needs some fresh air.¡± Rio picked up the hint and his beloved bongos began to whisper a name into the ether, calling forth a shade from times long gone. Within a few bars, a tall, smiling spirit stepped out of Rio¡¯s shadow, taking an elaborate, almost mocking stretch, before bowing to the gathered players and joining the song with his rich, mellow voice; singing a calypso jazz classic from a world too far away to feel real. When the work was done, the family inn and the little hamlet of smaller homes finally appeared on the wasteland; though, the garden now encompassed the entire mine waste field. No sign of the rubble and stone tailings remained visible; from the mangroves, to the lagoon and the edge of the abandoned town it had all been engulfed in the ritual conjuration. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. The houses and inns stood by the lagoon, on a small rise, overlooking the pier where Moonrise, Seahorse and MissAdventure all bobbed gently on the tiny wavelets. All around that idyllic scene, the manicured lawns, fruit orchards and garden beds spread out in tranquil domestic bliss. ¡°Oof!¡± Gary sat down with a tired grunt and smiled widely. ¡°That hit in some weird ways¡­¡± He groaned softly from a garden bench beside a tall plum tree, richly laden with purple fruit. ¡°Do you guys feel that?¡± ¡°Feel what?¡± Becky asked softly, while Frankie and Shai checked the sagging musician over. ¡°Something under our feet¡­ something buried in all the rock and sand.¡± He mumbled as he slowly began to slump down and dribble onto the lawn, basking peacefully in the evening sunshine. ¡°What do you mean, Gary?¡± Becky asked gently, prodding him with a slender, dark fingertip and getting no response. ¡°Drat, he¡¯s out! Any idea what he meant, Shai?¡± ¡°Fie! We¡¯ll ask later, ¡®tis no use now. Let him rest.¡± She grumbled, despite the smile on her lips, amused by the way her husband was sprawled out on the lawn in the fading sunlight. She vanished away all but his boxer shorts with a wave of her hand, storing his gear away in his own gifts while he snored, face down on the grass. ¡°Let him bask in the sunset, little sister¡­ He¡¯ll need exercising when he wakes, methinks.¡± The giantess murmured happily. ¡°Sir Kermal, give my husband a good thrashing when he stirs, if ye please. We¡¯re fer taking the kids on a run, before dinner.¡± The tall, red haired dynamo gathered her brood and their companions, sweeping Liam and Dannyl up in her net as well. Only the two designated Gary minders and the lucky duo on cooking duty escaped her exhausting calisthenics and sand sprints. The sun would be fully set and dinner on the table, before any of those poor souls found a moment¡¯s rest. Becky and Kermal settled down on Gary¡¯s cosy and now vacant bench beneath the plum tree. They leaned on each other and relaxed, while Tallum and Ivy worked on dinner, just a few yards away in the kitchen of the main house. ¡°How did we even wind up all together, on some other world?¡± Tallum asked Ivy, loudly enough to include the pair in the garden watching over the sleeper, through the open kitchen window. ¡°There¡¯s no telling¡­ with all the weirdness lately and that divine testicle just hanging out there.¡± Becky sighed, watching the kids and Shai run with the familiars on the sandy beach at sunset. ¡°Testi what?!¡± Ivy and Tallum asked in perfect harmony. ¡°Oh, gods¡­ I¡¯m not ready to try explaining this!¡± The high priestess moaned. ¡°Wait ¡®til Gary¡¯s awake.¡± # All sight and sign of land had long vanished over the horizon, when evening fell over Wanderlust and the stars began to appear in the sky. Sarah ignited a few magical glowstones secreted in the rails and rigging, to softly illuminate the little ship as they sailed on into the gathering night. The dim starlight and what faint illumination the stones provided was barely enough to perform simple tasks, like lashing the ship¡¯s wheel to keep their course steady. ¡°We¡¯ll hold this heading for a few hours. At dawn we should be in sight of Iron Wolf island; my new home for the next century or two.¡± Sarah sighed at last. ¡°You kids will find an exit from my little paradise at the top of the volcano.¡± Gandree¡¯s eyes widened just a bit at her casual mention of volcanoes, bringing a laugh to her sweet, apple cheeked face. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s a quiet one¡­ for now.¡± She purred with a dangerous glint in her eyes. ¡°The cult probably has a few ships out searching for us, so whoever is on watch needs to stay alert. Gandree, you get first duty, if anything happens or you see the compass needle drift, wake me¡­ I¡¯m going to sleep. Daisybelle, don¡¯t stay up too late.¡± The leggy, beautiful woman slipped through the hatch, closed the cover almost entirely and dimmed the cabin lights. The two young lovers found themselves alone in the dark, surrounded by the empty sea and distant stars. ¡°Daze¡­ What the hell just happened?¡± He asked at last. ¡°Those people¡­ those walking dead men¡­¡± ¡°Yes, my lover love¡­ It¡¯s stupidly complicated out here in the worlds beyond.¡± She sighed, sitting in his lap and stroking his hair fondly, as she cooed and caressed him like a beast tamer training a skittish monster. ¡°In goblin valley, Gary Ward is Ghnash Wha¡¯rrgh, king of the goblins and witch of the deep woods. He rules his domain and has much power there, as the dungeon lord.¡± She murmured softly into his ear. ¡°Here Gary Ward is Sarah, the lord¡­ lady of this realm. She has dwelt here so long and worn so many faces that no one even remembers that this is a dungeon world. The entrance has been sealed away by his¡­¡± She blushed a bright coppery green around her dimples and spoke again, with a smile. ¡°Uh, by her Will, I suppose¡­ for longer than any living memory.¡± ¡°Dungeon?¡± He asked, completely lost at this point, but she was playing with his ear and that made the impossible claims and weird ideas seem less outrageous. ¡°Goblinhome valley holds the goblin dungeon, which king papa Ghnash rules as its lord. He sealed his as well, since mad, horney goblin men are all that come from it anymore. King papa says, once it was a splendid place where we lived freely¡­ Until the wicked cult enslaved and cursed our people.¡± She grinned savagely at the sparkling stars above. ¡°King papa conquered the dungeon and threw out the cult, but he couldn¡¯t break the curse on goblin boys.¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°That was very long ago, though those cult stupids and their bandit knights come back every once in a while; assuming that they still rule there.¡± She grinned and nodded at him sagely, her sharp, white teeth shining in the starlight. ¡°Cults are bad at seeing their failures and worse yet at learning from them.¡± They sailed on in silence for a while, Daisybelle sleeping on his lap, the little ship running before the gentle breeze that kept blowing them along. In the late hours of night, she woke under a blanket, no doubt from her boy¡¯s stores. Daisibelle peered at the stars for a moment and nodded with satisfaction, still laying on his lap. With firm confident moves, she took his hand from the wheel, and pulled his head down onto her lap, neatly trading places with the lad, before he¡¯d even realized what she was planning. ¡°Go to sleep, boy of mine, I have the watch ¡®til Sara wakes.¡± She murmured, snuggling herself into the capacious helm seat with him. # Gandree knew he wasn¡¯t awake, but he was equally certain it wasn¡¯t any normal kind of dream. He was in his house, but the weirdly oversized version he¡¯d conjured that first time. This home felt empty, abandoned and nearly forgotten. Cobwebs dangled and drifted everywhere, hanging limply, or waving in subtle ways, suggesting something was in motion, somewhere in the dark rafters and beams above him. A sweet, gentle and familiar voice whispered from the shadows above, speaking with warm affection. ¡°Fear not, Gandree Clansward¡­ You are a scion of Gary Ward, and also one of my favored children in your own right! Rejoice in my embrace, I am Thirp, She Who Spins In The Void, Mistress of Gentle Traps and Seduction, Keeper of Secrets!¡± He looked to the rafters above him, just in time to see a spider drop down from impossibly far above. She sank on her silver dropline at incredible speed, becoming larger by the moment, until a white, furry spider with golden lightning bolt markings on its abdomen landed beside him with a soft, whispering thud. Eight spider feet landing on the waxed pine floorboards made a distinctive sound, one that jolted the dwarf into accepting the reality of what he was experiencing. The familiar arachnid from his previous not exactly dreams sighed at him with wonder and delight, as she peered at him with all eight eyes at once. ¡°You are splendid material¡­ We will learn so much from each other, I can tell already! Sadly, your mind is far too sane and rational to suffer my direct attention for too long. The stress of my divine regard will erode your sanity if we dither¡­¡± ¡°Thirp¡­ remember, he is mortal!¡± A faint voice whispered through the quiet inn. ¡°Let him go, before you do harm, my dear.¡± Gandree recognised the divine whisper of Marduk, so faint as to be only a suggestion of a voice in the listener¡¯s ears. Slowly the surreal chamber began to fade, along with the colossal arachnid goddess now sealed to his soul. As he drifted, that whisper returned still so faint he might be imagining it. ¡°Send me more honey cakes and tea¡­ mortal!¡± # Gary woke on the lawn under bright stars in a moonless, alien sky, feeling stiff, heavy and awkward. He tried to roll over and was greeted with a familiar resistance and weight; the encumbrance of his training armor. ¡°Oh, gods above and below, no¡­ please.¡± He groaned pitifully. ¡°Sorry, brother¡­ Shai¡¯s orders. Take it like a man, it¡¯ll be easier on us both that way.¡± Sir Kermal Singh, champion and personal guard of duke Julius Rummel, ruler of a dynasty both ancient and powerful, smiled at his wobegon brother and prodded him with the tip of his bronze, leaf shaped sword. ¡°Get up and fight, or I¡¯ll paddle your bottom here on the lawn, like a wee little baby.¡± The big musician rolled to his feet with a turn of speed that should have surprised his foe, but Kermal was familiar with all of Gary¡¯s tricks and outranked him quite thoroughly. At the low end of bronze rank, an unranked human posed little threat, no matter how skilled. The young knight watched with amusement, as Gary rolled onto one shoulder and deftly scooped up the mundane eight ring staff lying beside him. He gave it a spin to set the chiming bronze rings in motion out of habit¡­ and sighed when the spinning bands fell silent after a few scant seconds. ¡°Ready, brother?¡± Kermal asked gently. ¡°Because, here I come.¡± In a silent rush, the small, lithe young warrior rushed his much larger opponent, sprinting at him with his wide bronze blade angled for a slash or defense at a moment¡¯s notice. Bronze and ironwood met in a loud clatter and clang, as the warriors met and exchanged blows again and again. The swift swordsman leapt and danced, spinning in and out of the longer weapon¡¯s reach with ease. He harried his opponent mercilessly, stabbing him in non vital spots whenever his spinning, singing weapon drifted out of line or was baited with a clever feint. He brutally punished every flaw in the bigger man¡¯s defense and demanded ever greater speed, power and accuracy from the sweating, exhausted musician. Each stab, slash or blow brought pained grunts and a very authentic response from the giant, while the blade left no wounds behind, passing through his body like smoke. At last, the big man crumpled to the grass, spent and gasping for breath. ¡°You suck, Kermie.¡± He moaned and rolled over to face the dark vault of stars above. ¡°Shai¡¯s convinced that if I can keep my fitness up, when I finally get a new Contract, I won¡¯t have to work as hard to recover¡­¡± He sighed, as he staggered for the bath, still wearing the heavy, cumbersome training gear. ¡°I never liked that sword¡­ but it always loved me¡­¡± He sighed at last, glaring fondly at the gleaming bronze weapon. ¡°It still loves you, brother. That¡¯s why I can abuse you so horribly! It feels nice to let loose in a training bout, knowing my sword will refuse to cut you.¡± ¡°Grats¡­ Good Game. Gary grumbled halfheartedly. ¡°Now you get to help me out of this sweaty armor. Shai can summon it out of my storage and right onto me, but I have to take it off the regular, non magic way.¡± ¡°Finding you a new divine Contract seems less and less likely, now that the pantheon is once more stirred up and angry¡­¡± Sir Kermal sighed, as he helped his brother undress.. ¡°Divine Contract? No way. No more divines get their fingers in me.¡± The giant grumbled, as he struggled his way out of his vambraces. ¡°First I need to get shed of all these tangled, divine curses. That¡¯s going to be a job. Then I¡¯m hoping for a nice honest, transactional Contract with one of the fae¡­ or maybe an outsider. I bet Shiro could introduce me to someone¡­¡± # First light brought the first sight of land, far on the horizon. The faint, shimmering haze seemed like an illusion for a few long minutes, until the dark cone of a low volcanic isle fully appeared at second bell. Sarah also appeared at second, sipping her own coffee and bearing two more mugs in her fist. She grinned at the two lovebirds curled up in the helmsman¡¯s seat, snug as can be and sighed sweetly. ¡°Up all night, huh?¡± She demanded sharply, with a merry twinkle in her eyes. ¡°It looked like you two needed the alone time and I really needed the rest, after yesterday. Thanks, kids.¡± Her bright green eyes locked on Gandree and held his gaze. ¡°I bet you have a ton of questions, right?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah¡­ Tons of questions, but they¡¯re all in a big knot right now.¡± He mumbled over his steaming mug. ¡°Oh, real coffee¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°I need time to think and learn about all these new things¡­¡± ¡°Good luck with that, brother. Things are moving fast out here, the light cult is getting desperate enough to take stupid chances.¡± She took the helm and shoved both kids out of her seat, grinning at their sleepy, stumbling antics. ¡°Go wash up below. Breakfast is on the stove, I made a pot of groundworm stew for the mutts. We should be ashore in an hour.¡± ¡®Land!?¡¯ Nightshade demanded, sitting up for the first time since coming aboard and plating himself in the bow with the other wargs, who had been just as unhappy. ¡°I need to poop!¡± ¡®Stew!¡¯ Jasmine and Petunia growled hungrily. ¡®Poop?¡¯ They agreed eagerly. With all three wargs up and moving, the little ship became suddenly very small indeed. # Jitterbug Into My Brain Ch: 34 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Jitterbug Into My Brain Ch: 34 Captain Skander hated roaming the hills and trackless forests above the valley floor; but orders were orders and the priest lords¡¯ wills were absolute¡­ No matter which one was giving those orders to a platoon of common templars. Cardinal Stourbridge has issued the command and there was no avoiding it. One never knew what awfulness might be around the next bush or lurk among the limbs above! At the far end of the valley, where the trees thinned, beneath the triangular peak, the platoon of knights found the traces they were looking for. ¡°Abnormal energy readings, sir!¡± Lister called out, as he scanned the area more thoroughly. The small, swarthy, young knight-mage settled his magical device on his brow and flipped a red tinted lens over his left eye, now that they had the location pinpointed. With the monocle of his scouter engaged, he swept his gaze slowly around the hillside, until he settled on a wide clearing and a circular area of dark, back soil, unlike the surrounding forest. The captain and corporal dismounted, leaving the reins of their mounts with sergeant Lee and the mounted troop in the clearing. The man in the burnished half plate of the light¡¯s templars peered through his magical device at the circle of dark dirt and rubbed at his eyes in obvious consternation. ¡°Is this the palace? It seems pretty ordinary.¡± The captain grumbled uncomfortably, feeling as if unfriendly eyes were watching from all around. ¡°Definitely here, sir¡­ I don¡¯t recognize the spells used¡­¡± The young knight barked in a shaky voice while tapping at his head gear and frowning in consternation. ¡°The magical residue readings are¡­ High. Higher than normal, sir. I may be having a technical issue¡­ with the scouter.¡± ¡°So, someone transitioned realms here¡­¡± Skander grumbled crossly. ¡°What are the readings? What are we looking at?¡± ¡°Traces indicate a small group, twenty to thirty individuals, perhaps¡­ but¡­ Maybe more?¡± Lister stepped back from the circle of dark soil and moaned weakly, where he thought no one would hear. ¡°What are you on about, corporal? What¡¯s the power level? B rank at least, to make you so nervous, I bet.¡± An older trooper mocked the young corporal from the edge of the clearing. ¡°Stow that, Habbib. Lister, what¡¯s the reading?¡± The captain demanded sharply, eager to wrap up and head back down to the flatlands. ¡°Rank, sir¡­? Yes, there were six S rank entities in the group, at minimum¡­¡± The nervous knight answered quietly, as murmurs spread through the twenty mounted and armored templar knights of the holy and blessed light. Hands slipped to weapons and tightened on reins, as mounts picked up their rider¡¯s sudden stress. ¡°Six¡­ S rankers?¡± The captain whispered, as his eyes shifted to the tall fortress town, so very far away. ¡°Yes, sir¡­ and something else, something unranked¡­ I¡¯ve never seen the like before¡­¡± The corporal paused to heave his breakfast into a nearby shrub, sacrificing what little dignity he had remaining. ¡°Something unranked, Lister?¡± The captain asked gently, once the ashen faced man had wiped his mouth and composed himself again. ¡°Yes, sir. Something unranked passed through here briefly. It¡¯s gone now, light be praised!¡± The sagging man gasped. As he pawed at his headgear, struggling to remove it as though simply removing the device would erase what it had shown him. ¡°Damn it man, what does the scouter say about its power level?¡± The captain snapped angrily at the shaken and pale knight. ¡°It¡¯s over nine thousand, sir¡­ Over nine thousand.¡± Lister sighed, as he crumpled to the ground, just beyond the edge of the strange circle of dark earth, sobbing softly at his captain¡¯s feet. ¡°Oh? Well fuck me, then.¡± Skander mumbled. ¡°Mount up, troop. We¡¯re out!¡± The mounted band nearly flew down the hillside, slowing only when the lush, wide open fields embraced them and their heaving, lathered horses. The unwelcoming sensation of those watching eyes in the wilderness retreated at the boundary of the light, where the fields and croplands began, easing the dread that gripped the hearts of each in an iron fist. # ¡°But babe¡­ Kermal whupped my ass last night, while you guys were sleeping!¡± Gary whined, groveled and sniveled at the smiling woman in training armor, holding a pair of curved split bamboo swords. ¡°No, lad. Ye have the energy, I see it me own self. Get yer arse in formation and show these wretched brats how we deal with mutiny!¡± Shai insisted, glaring at the place where the Ragamuffins had vanished into the mangroves to scheme their attack on the Clown-Shoes. Team Breakfast cheered the two warbands on, eagerly demanding bloodshed. Tallum, Ivy and Dannyl sat on comfy chairs, watching the show from the patio, sipping coffee and smiling with the two insect girls, waiting for the entertainment to begin. Larry, Barry and Perry had door shields and short spears, presenting a unified front to the foe, arrayed against them in a wide V formation. Gary, and Lindsey held the left flank, with Flash and Shai on the right and Harry holding the center, armed with a short ironwood baton and a slender wand bearing a blue triangular pennant in his off hand. Team Clown-Shoes had a distinct advantage, with Gary and Shai on their team for this round; those two added even more reach and mass to the already massive and long limbed defenders. They would be a tough nut to crack without the right strategy. Amy slowly opened her eyes, taking her senses back from Shiro, who was hidden in the hayloft in kitten form, spying on the enemy. ¡°They¡¯re taking a balanced formation, counting on us to try and rush them from the front¡­¡± She sketched what she¡¯d seen through her pet¡¯s eyes, in the sand under the mangroves. ¡°The boys know their business and nobody wants to try and rush mom, so we will need to take them on the left flank, from behind the stable¡­ Gary and Lindsey are our prey.¡± After a few minutes of consultation, Amy arrayed her forces with care, dispersed in the mangroves and hidden on the other side of the stable, awaiting her signal. In utter silence, Shiro, Wilf, Rio and Benny charged the front line of defenders; bearing stout shields of their own and heavy, padded mauls. The three men and one giant leopard poured out of the mangrove swamp and hit the three armored giants with a thundering crash of wood, metal and flesh colliding. In the wild flurry of shoving bodies, flying, padded weapons and fur, Sasha swooped and harried the defenders from above, tossing sand in their eyes, dropping coconut husks on them and generally being a nuisance to her foes. Shiro locked his claws around the rim of Larry¡¯s shield and pulled him off balance, with his not inconsiderable feline mass, creating an opening in the formation at exactly the right moment. Amy reached her wooden cutlass in and hooked Larry¡¯s heel with the back edge, sending him for a hopping, awkward stumble¡­ right into Gary. Becky¡¯s team came pouring from the stable, crashing into the left side a moment later, further disrupting the defense. Her swift flying, blunted training rapier dipped in and poked Gary on the hip, the wide steel button on the tip shoved him off balance enough for her husband¡¯s wide bladed wooden sword to finish the job. Kermal chopped savagely down on the tottering bard¡¯s knee, felling him into the rest of the Clown-Shoes team like a massive sequoia, toppling into a dense thicket of lesser trees. He bowled Lindsey and Larry over as he collapsed, flailing wildly and disrupting their shield formation even further with his ungainly, windmilling fall. Kermal and Becky trampled the fallen bard into the sand, followed by Maya and Benny, both swinging bamboo staves with gleeful abandon in the tangled mess of friends and comrades. With Rio and Wilf holding the line beside Amy and pressing the attack from the front, Barry and Perry were too busy to hold off the sudden breakup in their formation, while Larry was tangled up in his father¡¯s messy sprawl, trapped beneath the big bard and the big cat. The poor boy struggled desperately to escape, only to wind up with the enormous kitty purring and pressing him into the sand, caught beneath his own shield. Lindsey took the wise course and scuttled for the edge of the melee, scrambling on all fours among the milling legs and stomping feet of her mad new comrades. Shai swept in from the right flank a moment too late; Benny and Maya had Harry pinned to the sand beneath their staves and his blue pennant neatly tucked behind the wily ninja girl¡¯s sash. ¡°Sorry auntie Shai¡­¡± Maya sassed, sounding not at all sorry, smiling widely at the sandy carnage all around her. ¡°You lose this time¡­ Hey, is that a boat?¡± # Sarah Ward cut her rudder hard and dropped sail, as the lagoon hove into view around the rocky headland that sheltered the only good anchorage on Iron Wolf Island. Wild and abandoned, the jungle ran riot at the feet of the old volcano, engulfing the whole place in a tangle of green. No smoke or signs of sentient life appeared, as they rounded the natural breakwater, headed for shore and sweet, solid land beneath their feet and new trees to pee on. A tall column of steam rising from the wasteland made little sense to the veteran sailor at the helm of Wanderlust. Even less reasonable, were the small cluster of vessels tied to a stone pier¡­ And a gods damned, tile roofed inn, surrounded by a hamlet of smaller homes, a stable and some kind of heated pool. Even stranger, a wild melee seemed to be going on, with armored warriors and a few animal familiars battling fiercely on the sand. ¡°To arms, kids! We have company!¡± She called to the youngsters in the galley.Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. # The hectic combat on the shore ended quickly, as the little ship slowly approached the protected harbor. Sarah rang the ship¡¯s bell twice and slowly heeled her small vessel about in the wide lagoon, ready to sail off at need. ¡°Ahoy the shore¡­¡± She called, while the kids scrambled up from below decks. ¡°We mean to land here, friends¡­¡± Her voice carried well over the calm waters, as the people ashore scrambled to get themselves organized. ¡°I don¡¯t recognize your flag¡­¡± The largest ship moored to the stone pier bore a pennant scattered with stars like the night sky, adorned with an odd looping figure that seemed familiar. ¡°Is that a¡­ treble clef?¡± She asked, her sudden trepidation carried well over the twenty yards of water between the weird crew and her decks. ¡°Yes, it is¡­ stranger, ¡®tis the family banner of the Ward clan, a common house, but one not fer trifling with.¡± A ginger giantess shouted back across the wavelets. ¡°Since ye fly no flag of yer own, perhaps ye should state your intentions.¡± The odd crew fell into position silently on the beach, their wooden and padded weapons dropped to the sand, as steel took their places with smooth and quiet efficiency. Even the animals joined the line of armed folks confronting the shore, displaying a level of discipline under the huge hill-woman¡¯s command that was just a little uncanny. ¡°This is yacht Wanderlust, I¡¯m captain Sarah¡­ we intend to moor, come ashore and eventually, I¡¯ll be opening my trading post here¡­ on my island.¡± She announced firmly. ¡°I don¡¯t know how or why you¡¯re here, but this island is private, forbidden and uninhabitable, because of the unbearable, unstoppable skeeters.¡± ¡°Daisybelle?¡± One of the men asked, when a little dark haired, green apple cheeked face peered over the railing at the group arrayed on the shore. ¡°We know that green girl, mom.¡± ¡°Oh? Those dream boys are here! Gandree, get up here!¡± The goblin lass chittered and hopped in her excitement. ¡°I see a horsie and a kitty! How many of you weirdos are there!?¡± ¡°Well¡­ that¡¯s just¡­ Why don¡¯t you folks moor up, so we can speak over a cup of tea?¡± The enormous woman mumbled, feeling deeply awkward and showing it. At her unspoken, subtle signal, all the weapons vanished away and the tension began to ease in the strange community by the shore. # ¡°It¡¯s cool! We know those doggies!¡± Perry called out, as he charged across the beach, his spear vanishing away in a twinkle. The quiet, taciturn boy¡¯s face was split by a huge grin, his eyes fixed on the eager wolfhounds at the bow. The other three triplets swarmed the pier, following their brother, their hands held out to catch flung lines as the little boat joined those already moored on the long stone jetty. Before the ropes were secured or any fenders down, all three hounds leapt to the dock and hurtled for the garden, desperate to unload on the lawn and trees. Otho took a supervisory role for the procedure, as the true owner of all that stuff, despite what the cat might think. Shiro maintained an aloof dignity with the interloping wargs, he also maintained his giant snow leopard form as well; reinforcing his personal space with a bottlebrush tail of warning and sharp claws for any unfamiliar nose that came sniffing too close. ¡°Oh¡­ My Gob!¡± A fast flying green blur that might have been Daisybelle gasped, at her first glimpse of the big cat. ¡°Floofy!¡± ¡°Daze! Wait! Don¡¯t just¡­¡± Gandree called out to where his girlfriend had been just a heartbeat before¡­ ¡°Lady Thirp, bless me with your patience and serenity¡­¡± He murmured softly, while watching her bottom and boobs bounce as she played on the lawn with a huge cat monster. He smiled as he considered a sexy kitty cat cosplay nighty. ¡°Something soft and pettable¡­¡± He murmured through a wide smile of his own. She¡¯d tackle-hugged the feline broadside and started an aggressive program of stroking and scritchy scratchy under the jaw action that quickly won kitty cat approval. Before too long, kitten Shiro was purring on her lap and batting at the tassels and braid of her uniform with playful little murs and mews of pleasure. Sarah sucked her teeth in gently mocking amusement at the mess unfolding by the baths, as Gandree and Daisibelle got mixed up with even more young, chattering humans. That was happening, no force in nature could stop Daisybelle from trying to pet a fluffy animal, once she had it in her sights. Sarah cast her eyes over the gathered grownups¡­ They were an interesting lot, to say the least. The giantess wearing a chain mail vest and two curved swords at her hip seemed to share leadership with the small, spiky haired warrior in lion armor, while also deferring to a young couple that lingered at the edge of the group. A small blonde woman and a giant ginger man had come tumbling out of the house at the sound of the ship¡¯s bell, joining a red haired young man on the patio. One man struck her as odd, by the way he seemed so commonplace and uninteresting, especially when contrasted with the eclectic collection of weirdos gathered on the beach. Her experienced eyes noted the way the people stood and moved, how they held themselves and most of all, the subtle aura each emitted. All of them had the telltale essence of the unworldly and uncanny, at least a little¡­ even the yearling colt gamboling with the wargs on the beach. It took a bit of effort to set her eyes back on the big, brown haired, bland featured man lurking and skulking in the shadows, despite the bright sunshine. Her eyes almost slipped off him again, just a few seconds later. ¡°The Ward clan huh?¡± She murmured. ¡°Daisybelle and her boytoy have heard of you, but I never have¡­¡± Sarah walked around and around the group of people on the beach, who were eyeing her with just as much interest. Finally she keyed in and locked her gaze firmly on that tall, brown haired, muscular man, standing beside the giantess. It still took some effort to keep her attention on him¡­ The small, compact, startlingly good looking man with spiky, black hair, lion armor and a jawline that could cut stone spoke up, while she was struggling with that weirdo¡¯s slippery aura and odd nature. ¡°I am count Liam Kinnis, lord of Foresthome and an Adventurer in good standing with the guild. I lead this combined expedition, under charter from the Adventure guild, the Orphan¡¯s League and duke Leopold Belen of the duchy of Wheatford¡­¡± He announced crisply, with a carefully calculated bow that was suitable for any number of occasions; Deep enough to address a lord or lady, but not so low as to be obsequious. ¡°Whom do I have the pleasure to address?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Sarah, the dungeon lord of this domain.¡± She answered abstractedly, since she wasn¡¯t really listening to him after he said ¡®Count¡¯. Instead, she focused on the tall, strangely forgettable young man of perhaps twenty five years. She stared and gawped, peering at him with unconcealed interest. ¡°And you¡­ are a new Gary Ward¡­ You feel strong, very complete.¡± She whispered at last, in a low sultry voice. ¡°I¡¯m the Lovers¡­ who are you?¡± ¡°Hey now, lass!¡± Shai began with fire in her eyes and icer in her voice, before sputtering out into confused and distracted noises. ¡°How did ye know my lad¡¯s name?¡± The big redhead demanded, once she had mastered the power of speech again. ¡°That¡¯s my name, hill woman. I was Gary Ward long, long ago¡­ I¡¯ve been a lot of people since then, dozens over the last few centuries.¡± She sighed sadly. ¡°I can barely remember what it felt like, way back then, who I was then¡­ When I awoke in this world as a tiny venomous octopus, my whole perspective had to change, in a hurry¡­¡± She sighed wistfully. ¡°It was a tough time¡­ figuring out how to live this way. I admit, I kinda went goblin mode for a while.¡± She grinned sheepishly at the little green girl and her pack of wargs, over with the other familiars and beast handlers, mixing it up and sniffing things. ¡°No offense, Daze.¡± ¡°What? Nobody was listening to your boring boring stories¡­¡± Daisybelle sassed loudly, from somewhere deep within a pile of friends, pets and familiars. ¡°There¡¯s bug girls, a horsie, a flower monster and a doggie over here!¡± ¡°Well, anyway¡­ I¡¯m Sarah now, but the others always know me as the Lovers; let¡¯s leave it at that. More interesting by far is the matter of who you are.¡± She eyed the four identical lads jostling around, wrestling her niece¡¯s wargs and laughing on the sand. ¡°Who all of you are.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s easy¡­¡± The strange man grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m Gary Ward. I know a bunch of other people are as well¡­ but I¡¯m me, so I¡¯m gonna need you to get over it.¡± ¡°Oh, yes¡­¡± Her smile was ingratiating and self assured, with a heavy undercurrent of confident superiority. ¡° Yes, you¡¯re the chosen one, I¡¯m sure. It¡¯s always very disturbing and upsetting; bumbling into other members of the family for the first time.¡± She smiled just a little smugly and bowed to the group. ¡°Especially meeting one of the major arcana¡­ such as myself.¡± ¡°Major arcana?¡± Gary asked, sounding just a little cranky. ¡°Guys, can I have a few minutes with our guest, please?¡± ¡°Absolutely not!¡± Several voices sang in chorus. Shai, Becky, Liam and Ivy were all unified and adamant in their refusal. ¡°We¡¯ll be by your side, no arguments.¡± Shai announced, a moment later. ¡°The whole family will be hearing what this woman has to say.¡± She turned to the gleeful ruckus still unfolding on the beach and called out to the wrestling, tumbling mob. ¡°Family meeting, everyone inside.¡± She didn¡¯t yell, or even raise her voice beyond a normal speaking tone. WIthout further comment or instruction, she turned and headed for the door to the inn. The whole group of kids and familiars fell apart into its constituent beings and came ambling over, drawn by a magic older than any grimoire or spell, just pure, maternal command and authority. # Under the cheerful red tile roof, the high ceilinged and brightly airy inn emitted an aura of tranquil welcome that eased Gandree¡¯s brittle, taut nerves, the place felt like home to the uncomfortable dwarf. He sank onto a couch with Daisybelle on his lap, where she couldn¡¯t cause any trouble and tried to become inconspicuous. In a few brief minutes, the whole group was assembled in the common room, scattered in a loose circle around the table where Shai, Gary and the three newcomers sat with Becky and Liam, while Wilf poured the tea. Amy and Rio lingered with their teammates, while the four triplets gathered at a nearby table with Lindsey and Flash. Dannyl and Kermal sat at the bar, snacking noisily on mixed nuts and salty crackers, watching with eager anticipation over mugs of Gary¡¯s rather fine beer. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to see how this turns out!¡± The ginger explorer whispered loudly enough to be audible all through the expectant and quiet room. # Holy and benevolent Dana, Healer of Wounds and Balm in man¡¯s Suffering sighed and relaxed back on her divan, blessedly at peace. The curse bond shackling her to a deeply afflicted avatar on the Madman¡¯s Moon had vanished without warning, practically hurling her into her own realm, once more free of Pain, Misery and Suffering. While her divine hand was once more whole, her dignity had been soiled by that filthy and despicable thing once again. ¡°Caduceus¡­ why has Baba Yaga not presented herself before me?¡± She demanded sharply of her first attendant. ¡°I tasked her with finding a way to break this mortal witchery, not with hiding until the wretched spell expired!¡± ¡°The hag has not been seen in some time, divine one. I fear she may have fled, rather than face her failure to resolve this.¡± He replied calmly, while a sly glimmer of a smile tweaked his lips. ¡°I have always doubted her sincerity and dedication, my lady. She loves her poisons and curses, while she deals in balms and salves only occasionally.¡± Dana ignored his latest criticism of the crone, turning instead to Ermet, lady of Herbs and folk medicine. ¡°Find the witch, I need her council, as my eldest disciple.¡± The sound of the divine physician¡¯s teeth grinding together pleased the goddess in ways she didn¡¯t really understand and felt a little Guilty for¡­ that was a new concept as well. # ¡°So this Sarah chick is dead¡­ and you¡¯re a tiny octopus necromancer, piloting her body around from inside her skull?¡± Becky asked very calmly. ¡°That¡¯s a real problem¡­ ethically.¡± ¡°If it helps, she attacked me in my own home with a squad of zombies¡­ and she worked for the cult of light.¡± The beautiful woman offered. ¡°And she¡¯s not exactly ¡®dead¡¯... I¡¯m fully immersed in the vessel, operating her autonomic functions, so essentially, this is my body now. I ate most of her brain and implanted myself in her skull. Until I exit this woman, she¡¯s alive and I¡¯m her new brain.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not as reassuring as you think it is.¡± Becky insisted. ¡°We¡¯re getting off track¡­ You hinted that you¡¯ve been around a while, could you clarify that? I think we need to know more, before we answer any questions.¡± ¡°King papa says that auntie Sarah is very wise, but she¡¯s a lady now, so we shouldn¡¯t ask her age!¡± Daisybelle offered from Gandree¡¯s lap. ¡°Cause that¡¯s rude!¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, Daze.¡± Sarah cooed at the little green girl, smiling fondly. ¡°Who¡¯s just the cutest little stone cold killer?¡± She demanded sweetly. ¡°Oh! I know, it¡¯s me! I am!¡± She bounced and cheered happily on the dwarf lad¡¯s lap, which made him smile and blush awkwardly. ¡°That¡¯s right, darling.¡± She sighed and turned back to Becky and the still silent duo of Gary and Shai; the count she ignored entirely, in very obvious ways. ¡°I¡¯m well over five hundred years old at this point¡­ I lost count for a while, so that¡¯s my best guess. There are others; far older Gary Wards, out there among the worlds.¡± She sighed wistfully and smiled. ¡°I can¡¯t leave this domain in a vessel. Only the truly living can pass through the void, so I could only travel the worlds in my own form, as a little octopus in a jar of seawater.¡± ¡°Huh¡­ Ducky said he screwed around with time¡­ I suppose that tracks.¡± Becky murmured quietly. ¡°What do you think Gary? Is she on the level? Is she a fragment of you?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ She¡¯s one of mine for sure.¡± He glanced over at Gandree and nodded grimly. ¡°Him too.¡± ¡°Relax, boy.¡± Sarah sighed at him tiredly. ¡°You aren¡¯t the first Gary to come rocking out of the void, sure of himself and certain that he¡¯s the original recipe.¡± She smiled a wry little grin at the lad and shook her golden haired head. ¡°The prime Gary died so long ago, even the Magician can¡¯t see the first of us and the Chariot can¡¯t find him, not after centuries of calling for his ghost.¡± ¡°Oh, wow¡­ ok, I¡¯ll play ball. You tell me what¡¯s up.¡± The silly lad murmured through a mad, crooked smile. ¡°Who am I?¡± Sarah reached into her pocket and produced a small, black lacquered wooden box from her coat. With a dramatic flourish, she slid the top off and extracted a thick deck of cards. ¡°The Magician is better with the tarot, but he¡¯s busy with the war right now, darlings. The cult of light is probably pretty desperate by now.¡± She mused softly, gazing at the beams of the ceiling¡­ and beyond at the sky above. ¡°In any case, we¡¯ll do Gandree¡¯s reading first. He is also new to the family.¡± ¡°Me?¡± The burly dwarf asked in surprise and embarrassment. ¡°Yes, you. Look through this deck of cards, boy¡­ let your eyes rest on the images and just feel what they mean.¡± She murmured warmly, as she passed him the deck of glossy, colorful cards. ¡°Become familiar with the symbols and pictures. When you¡¯re done, shuffle them well.¡± She grinned at the gathered weirdos all around and nodded eagerly. ¡°The wise and ancient cephalopod wizard will divine your true natures!¡± She cackled at the crowded inn. # Hanging On Like A Yo-yo Ch: 35 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Hanging On Like A Yo-yo Ch: 35 Marduk, god of man¡¯s Knowledge, sighed, kicked back on his plush recliner and set his tall glass of mint tea into a cupholder. The snack tray pivoted into position automagically as he deployed the footrest, bringing his favored supplicant¡¯s latest offering into easy reach. Pistachio and walnut cookies, honeyed fritters drizzled with cinnamon and candied dates wrapped in pastry¡­ all of his favorites! He smiled and settled in for a little light entertainment. Since he¡¯d learned the trick of displaying Gary¡¯s visual and auditory senses on a screen, the little god found he could peek in and watch the goings on passively¡­ Without feeling the cruel bite of the poor creature¡¯s many, many curses. He summoned his screen and sat back, idly wondering what his friend was up to. Without warning, the weird, blocky color screen Gary called a ¡®test pattern¡¯ appeared, accompanied by an awful, shrill noise that rattled the little deity¡¯s senses; jarring him so badly that he fumbled his first attempt to banish the screen and the terrible sound. ¡°Bollocks¡­¡± Marduk whispered, reaching his senses out for his high priestess. Becky was nowhere to be found; he could feel her bond of faith, her Contract and her soul, somewhere out there in the universe. ¡°Double doo-doo!¡± He gasped in alarm as he failed to find Shai and the others in the extended family with whom he¡¯d contracted. ¡°Ducky, what¡¯s wrong?¡± Eponna asked from the bath, where she was lounging with her own tea and offerings, among her adoring herd of divine, colorful ponies. ¡°Did something happen?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t find any of the Wards, love¡­¡± He complained, slipping into the bath with her and the numerous ¡®normal¡¯, winged, horned, winged and horned, bright colored ponies in the vast pool. ¡°You have one of yours bonded with that girl, right? You know, the one who wants Barry¡¯s nuts.¡± ¡°Ducky! Such talk!¡± The equine goddess whinnied at her paramour. ¡°You mean Lindsey? What of her?¡± The leggy, elegant mare asked demurely, peeping at the little blonde god from behind her mane of starlight and nebulae. ¡°Can you see through her familiar¡¯s eyes? Or hers?¡± He asked softly. ¡°I¡¯m pretty worried.¡± ¡°Hmm¡­ Yes, I can sense that one, they are quite closely bonded; let me share her senses with you.¡± # Lindsey sat with Barry and Amy, among the other Wards and their comrades, as the tall, beautiful blonde woman read the cards of that odd, short, stocky man who really looked an awful lot like Gary¡­ if he were blonde, craggy featured and blue eyed. The blocky man sat, stood, walked and spoke much like Gary did¡­ and held himself distant and apart in much the same way the bard did, when around anyone but his family and close friends. He emitted much the same air of unnatural and uncanny not-quite-menace, an aura of danger that raised the hairs on her neck and made gooseflesh appear on her arms. It was the unmistakable sense of the gaze of some vicious creature, held at bay by only the thinnest leash. She shuddered and focused on the two strangers, as the dwarf passed the deck back to the octopus mage, after shuffling the pile of glossy pasteboard images. With a flourish, Sarah flicked the first card down on the table. ¡°The ten of coins¡­ A work of art or craft drawing to a satisfying conclusion.¡± She announced firmly, nodding at the stocky fellow with approval. ¡°This crosses you.¡± She declared, laying a card above the first with a satisfied clack of her fingernails on the tabletop. The Death card leered up at them from the table top, grimly warning that mortal life is fleeting. ¡°Well, let¡¯s see what¡¯s next¡­¡± Sarah sighed, drawing again. ¡°The lovers¡­¡± She pressed her fingertips to her breast, over her heart and smiled winsomely. ¡°Surely not me!¡± The woman let out a girlish giggle that was absolutely aimed at the little green girl, standing beside the dwarf lad. She drew another card, when Daisybelle shot her a glare that could have scorched Shai¡¯s window curtains with just a little more effort. ¡°The tower, a disaster approaching.¡± She hurriedly continued, when the goblin started fidgeting with her sheathed obsidian knife. ¡°The ace of wands, followed by the aces of swords and coins¡­ change, disruption and violence are coming.¡± Sarah declared, her voice suddenly a little thick and hoarse, under the goblin¡¯s gaze. # ¡°They¡¯re just playing cards?¡± Marduk demanded hotly. ¡°Why in all the divine realms can¡¯t I contact them?¡± He paced the waxed pine floorboards of the Strange High House In The Mist, on the little green moon. ¡°It¡¯s simple, my love.¡± Eponna whispered, taking her human form to embrace him. ¡°He¡¯s gone somewhere you can¡¯t reach.¡± ¡°Impossible¡­¡± He sputtered, his feathered serpent slippers¡¯ eyes glowing red, displaying the tiny god¡¯s agitation at the idea. ¡°There¡¯s simply no way!¡± ¡°Remember who we are dealing with, Ducky¡­¡± The goddess of Equines and Swiftness in Motion whispered, sounding like the wind running through a ripe grainfield. ¡°My love, they are outside your realm, that is a fact. I, who have wandered so many other domains and so many worlds can see where you cannot, my love.¡± She flicked her luminous tresses of endless wonders back from her earlobe, where a strand of glittering pearls dangled; Lindsey¡¯s Contract, caught in her hair as an ornament. ¡°They have gone where you cannot, yet.¡± She sighed ecstatic at the prospect of expanding her mate¡¯s reach outside, into the beyond and the limitless possibilities to be found there. ¡°You need only complete your Contract with that delicious lump of muscle you¡¯ve had your eye on. Gandree, was it? Seal the deal and step outside with me! I ache to show you some of the many wonders of the cosmos!¡± She pressed her lissome body against his, caressing his ear and whispering in her excitement and delight. ¡°There are so many more worlds, so many mortals¡­ humans and others to see and worlds to explore.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll admit it¡­ I¡¯m a little scared to open myself to the wider universe and ether¡­¡± He sighed softly. ¡°I need to suck it up! Now or never, it¡¯s time for me to get my feet out of the mud of the Euphrates and step out among the stars.¡± He gazed up, into the beyond, stretching his divine Will across gulfs of endless non existence, reaching for that bright spark of curiosity and stubbornness. It chimed like a crystal bell, as he gently touched the soul he sought, gleaming brightly and calling out to him so loudly now. ¡°I probably should wait until he¡¯s dreaming¡­ Oh well.¡± # Gandree¡¯s numb brain was focused on how many people, how many strangers were focused on him while he fumbled through the deck of colorful pasteboard images. He barely heard what Sarah was saying, as she dealt the cards. A few of the seers in Dwarfhold had tried to divine his origin; whether with runes, cards, stones or dice, the results were always gibberish and always ended with the same two signs, portents or cards, without fail. He braced himself as she drew toward the end of the ritual, inexorably drawing one image of doom and evil portent after another. He could feel the subtle pressure building all around, the one nobody else ever felt. # ¡°Let¡¯s take a break for some tea¡­¡± Sarah suggested, when the little green girl started getting upset. ¡°Yeah¡­ and somebody crack a window!¡± Rio complained. ¡°We¡¯re getting mighty haunted here!¡± ¡°Shiro is pretty upset about it too.¡± Amy admitted. ¡°There¡¯s like¡­ a buttload of shades and ghosts pressed up against the house wards right now. A serious buttload.¡± ¡°Oh thank the gods¡­¡± Gary grumbled from his seat, where he was looking cranky and agitated. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to mess with the vibe, but if we¡¯re taking a break¡­¡± He glared at Sarah and shook his head in disgust. ¡°The spiritual hygiene of this place is absolutely despicable. When was the last time anyone cleansed this island and laid all the ghosts to rest?¡± ¡°Since I have no clue what you¡¯re talking about¡­¡± Sarah shrugged and went back to stirring honey into her tea, smiling blissfully. ¡°Ghosts indeed¡­¡± She muttered, before raising her teacup. ¡°Ace had no palate, everything tasted like oatmeal¡­¡± She sighed at her first sip. ¡°At least Sarah wasn¡¯t a lotus smoker, for all her other failings and sins. Filthy habit!¡± If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°I thought you were a necromancer?¡± Dannyl murmured quietly in the beautiful woman¡¯s perfect ear. ¡°You don¡¯t feel the pressure of all those spirits out there? They¡¯re begging to come in.¡± ¡°Nope. I just feel the usual background magic, none of those shades are intact enough to be useful. They¡¯re just mostly decayed trash.¡± She answered with a smile. ¡°They do seem agitated, I suppose.¡± The woman gazed abstractedly out the window at the volcano¡¯s cone and sighed. ¡°Pitiful things, but that¡¯s the fate of all living souls.¡± ¡°My god feels otherwise. The core tenant of our faith states that departed souls should be passed through the veil, not left to linger and diminish in this way.¡± Young lord Singh murmured politely, with a slight bow. ¡°Sasha plans take a fly around, once the sun sets.¡± Kermal sighed. ¡°She can sense them, but in sunlight she can¡¯t open the way.¡± ¡°I would just lower the house wards and let them in¡­¡± Gary offered. ¡°They just want into the bath, now that they¡¯ve sensed its presence but there¡¯s no way. Too many.¡± He yawned mightily and stretched. ¡°If Sasha can¡¯t manage them all, they can just wait ¡®til Dannyl¡¯s trees take root and start doing their job. Let¡¯s finish with the cards, then decide.¡± He suggested. Sarah and the two young people watched and listened, wondering what the weirdos were jabbering on about, until Gandree couldn¡¯t take it any more. ¡°Really? You lot sense all those spirits out there?¡± He demanded hotly. When the group at large nodded he blew a long, gusty breath out into the room. ¡°They won¡¯t hurt anyone, they don¡¯t mean any harm¡­¡± The dwarf grumbled. ¡°They¡¯re kinda¡­ kinda my friends.¡± He blushed and shook his head in embarrassment. ¡°Not really, they don¡¯t have real memories or personalities, but if you sit still, they will tell you stories and sing songs¡­¡± ¡°I know, son.¡± The big, brown haired, unremarkable man whispered in the young dwarf¡¯s ear, where he absolutely had not been, just a moment before. ¡°We won¡¯t hurt them, but it¡¯s well past time they were on to the next thing. We have a few Death cultists in the family.¡± ¡°D¡­ Death cultists?¡± The lad stammered, lurching away from the strange man and his far too intimate whispers. ¡°Yeah, Ward, the god of Death, Vengeance and dryad of the Golden Fig¡­ He always gets mad if I leave off the figs.¡± The lunatic piped up happily. ¡°He can¡¯t manifest here yet, but we should be able to whip up a quick funeral service by moon rise.¡± ¡°What-rise?¡± Gandree, Sarah and Daisybelle asked in unison. ¡°Moon rise, when the moons come up¡­¡± Gary insisted, drawing nods from almost the entire contingent. ¡°Oh, shit! I forgot to mention¡­¡± Dannyl called from the bar, smiling sheepishly. ¡°There¡¯s no moons at all out in these worlds. Never.¡± ¡°No moons? Weird¡­¡± Gary grumbled, seeming personally offended by the revelation. ¡°The gods are really slacking off. Shoddy world building, if you ask me¡­¡± He complained. ¡°Gods¡­ pfft!¡± Sarah blew a very dignified and elegant raspberry at the goofy man and his talk of fables. ¡°Death cults and gods¡­ utter rubbish.¡± ¡°Nuh, uh!¡± Daisybelle chirped happily. ¡°Gods and goddesses are real! I kissed SmileyFace and SmartyPants wants to kiss us both!¡± She chattered gleefully, bouncing up and down in excitement. ¡°There¡¯s a tall man with antlers and so many doggies too! I saw him in my dreams! AntlerMan likes doggies like mine!¡± She turned on her beau and gripped his massive shoulders in her tiny green hands, as she tried to shake the silent, oddly still fellow. ¡°Gandree likes SpiderBoobs too! Tell them about goddess SpiderBoobs, boy!¡± Gary peered at the young dwarf lad¡¯s all too familiar, but still strange face and smiled. The man was staring, glassy eyed and drooling, lost in some world of his own and completely zonked. ¡°He¡¯s checked out. Spiritual shock¡­ give him a few minutes. I think someone just sealed a Contract with him. They should have waited ¡®til he was dreaming.¡± He declared confidently. # Marduk sucked his teeth in annoyance at being second guessed by a mortal¡­ even if he was completely right. ¡°Yes, but I wanted to see what was going on, now.¡± He grumbled, even though none of the people involved could hear his excuses. The Wards plied Gandree with coffee and a hearty lunch of fresh caught seafood, hooked from the shore by Shai and Gary while the dwarf recovered his senses. ¡°Oh am I dreaming?¡± Gandree asked weakly, when the scent of miso soup, hot rice and grilled fish woke him from his daze. ¡°Sea urchin roe? Flying fish and sea bream sashimi? Please tell me you have soy sauce and wasabi¡­¡± ¡°Oh yeah, Gary eats all that weird raw fish stuff.¡± Becky mused happily, over a bowl of rice and salt grilled pompano. ¡°I¡¯ll take mine cooked, thanks.¡± She and Daisybelle were sitting together, side by side and sharing a fine meal beside the sofa someone had moved him onto. The dusky skinned girl with tightly braided black hair smiled down at him and sighed with pleasure. ¡°Welcome to the cult of Knowledge, brother Gandree. Lord Marduk completed your Contract while you were awake, which I will scold him for this evening, you can be sure.¡± She said with all seriousness. ¡°I¡¯m your high priestess, now. As the first cult member in this reality, you will be asked to help spread the good word about our blessed lord. I have some pamphlets and tracts for you in my baggage. Now let¡¯s talk tithes, how much money do you have?¡± The lad tried to back away, as the vicious little menace closed in, greedily eyeing his clothes and goods, evaluating his wealth and estimating how much she could squeeze from his purse. ¡°Becks¡­ that¡¯s enough.¡± Gary said firmly. ¡°You¡¯re picking at some emotional damage that our new friend hasn¡¯t fully dealt with yet.¡± The big man¡¯s hand landed on Gandree¡¯s shoulder again, warm and comforting, despite being so strange and weirdly familiar. ¡°Relax, son. She won¡¯t be passing a collection plate.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Sarah grumbled from the bar. ¡°Gods and goddesses¡­ Moons and Death cults¡­ Such nonsense.¡± ¡°You haven¡¯t Contracted with a spirit or divine?¡± Amy asked the elegant older woman. ¡°Are you boycotting the pantheon too?¡± ¡°Daisybelle, I don¡¯t know what we¡¯ve sailed into, but your friends are weird.¡± Sarah announced finally. ¡°Since Gandree is back from¡­ wherever he went, let¡¯s finish up the reading. I¡¯m curious what it¡¯s leading to.¡± # It took a few minutes to get the crowd settled back down and ready. Surprisingly, the ritual picked back up with ease, even after the extended break for idiocy and fanciful tales of moons, gods and goddesses. She took the deck back in hand, locked eyes with her niece¡¯s boytoy and smiled as she flicked a card onto the table beside the three inauspicious aces. ¡°The moon¡­¡± She complained softly. ¡°It seems to be even more significant than the aces.¡± She took a swallow of her tea and grimaced. It was cold and bitter, like unpleasant medicine, even as she tasted the actual tea, still sweet and flavorful, but hidden behind the omen her seer¡¯s gift was giving her. She contemplated the experience and considered the omens, portents and signs, then shrugged. ¡°Screw it.¡± Sarah finished the tea and drew the penultimate card with shaking fingers. She paused for a moment, the card held face down, ready to flip, as she spoke. ¡°Oftentimes, a reading can have meaning on both sides of the table, young man. I feel that at least a part of this laying of the cards is intended for both of us.¡± She smiled wanly at the young lad and flipped the card. ¡°This is a turning point, an axis on which all pivots¡­ The fool. Blessed by the unseen and protected by fate, even in deadly peril of his own creation; the fool may just find a way. Be wary of the fool, but perhaps he can find a path where others cannot.¡± She sighed and shook her head, when the entire group of strangers looked at their pet Gary Ward and chuckled together, the moment the fool appeared. ¡°She has talent for this, methinks!¡± Shai whispered too loudly, while delivering a playful swat to her weird man¡¯s bottom. ¡°Draw the last, that we might ken this thing fully, sister.¡± ¡°It¡¯s the world.¡± Gandree answered calmly, before Sarah¡¯s hand could draw a card. ¡°It¡¯s always the world.¡± Sure enough, she laid the final card in place, revealing a sea turtle, bearing a vast continent on its shell, floating in an endless sea of stars. ¡°The world indeed.¡± She muttered crossly. ¡°I can¡¯t make sense of this¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s because the path hasn¡¯t been decided yet.¡± Gary said softly, as the woman cleared away her cards. ¡°He will choose before long and it will be the right choice, if he follows his heart. The trick of the whole thing is to walk along with the fool, without actually being the fool.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t see that in the cards!¡± She grumbled at the man. ¡°If you¡¯re so wise in the art, we can read yours right now.¡± She slid him the cards with a superior grin on her face. ¡°Shuffle and we shall see.¡± ¡°Nah¡­ Why don¡¯t you shuffle and draw for me.¡± He asked with a silly grin on his bland and unremarkable face. ¡°Humor me, please.¡± With a soft huff, Sarah shuffled her cards a few times and laid out the first draw. ¡°The fool¡­¡± She huffed again when he just smiled. ¡°Most people don¡¯t like drawing the fool for their significator.¡± She grumbled at the man, while drawing another card. She placed it and looked down at the pasteboard chip under her finger. ¡°The fool?¡± She blinked a few times and drew again; the fool once more appeared between her fingertips. With a grumble of outrage, she flipped the deck and spread the cards on the table, beside the ones she¡¯d drawn, they were all perfectly ordinary, all the suits and arcana were present and accounted for, with nary an extra fool in sight, save for those already drawn from her deck. She collected the undealt cards back up and re-shuffled, leaving the suspicious fools on the table, staring at her from behind their blindfolds. With a crisp tap, she laid a card down¡­ another fool. ¡°I¡¯m really not doing anything.¡± Their mad, smiling Gary Ward said sweetly, while she sifted through her cards again, still finding all the faces and images she expected. With deliberation she pulled the lovers from the deck and laid it on the table face down. A moment later she flipped the card, revealing two fools balanced on a single precipice together, drawn in the same style and colors as her deck. Even the twinned fool¡¯s faces and his¡­ their little guardian dogs were the same in every detail. ¡°What sorcery is this?¡± She demanded sharply. ¡°How did you bewitch my cards?¡± ¡°Look again, your cards are unchanged. The problem is probability and the effect of so much divine presence, gathered in a closed and damaged world.¡± He chuckled madly and shook his head. ¡°At least six deities and fae are peeping in on us right now, probably a few more that are just better at being sneaky, as well. We¡¯re the most popular show in the divine realm.¡± ¡°He¡¯s mad, right?¡± Sarah asked the big red haired man. He seemed the most sensible of the lot, at least he hadn¡¯t done anything odd yet. ¡°Oh, yeah, he¡¯s nuts, completely insane. Barking mad, a mooncalf, deranged, unhinged, the very definition of a lunatic¡­¡± The big man nodded firmly. ¡°He¡¯s also an expert in divine magic, witchcraft and demon slaying.¡± ¡°Aww¡­ Thanks Tallum. That was really nice, except for that whole first part!¡± Gary arched an eyebrow at the red haired giant and grinned. ¡°Sanity is for babies.¡± ¡°I like your papa¡­ Ward boys. He¡¯s a lot like king papa!¡± Daisybelle declared from Gandree¡¯s lap. She¡¯d resumed her preferred seat as soon as Sarah finished with his reading, since he was still looking frazzled and upset. ¡°Settle down, lover love. These crazy people are alright.¡± She murmured warmly in his ear. ¡°I think I need some fresh air.¡± The dwarf lad mumbled, as he struggled his way out from under the clingy goblin girl and made his way through the crowd and headed for the door. ¡°I¡¯ll be in the garden.¡± He whispered in Daisybelle¡¯s ear as he left. ¡°Let him go, Daze.¡± Sarah murmured to the green girl. ¡°He has a lot to think about, so do I...¡± # In a dim and murky corner of the endless realm of the divine, amid darkly curling mists, shadowed forests and deep, trackless swamps, an ancient crone sat on her front stoop, carefully sculpting a bauble. She¡¯d found it drifting in the mists of the dryad¡¯s forest and spirited it away on impulse. A mortal soul, dead but strangely, undying. It was a troll¡¯s essence; a sad, weak, pitiful thing, barely sentient and hardly worth noticing otherwise, but somehow it remained viable, long after its mortal body had perished beyond all recovery. She toyed with the malleable and stretchy thing, it had hardly any identity or sense of agency, but it was still nearly alive and almost conscious. ¡°Ticklefoot? What an odd name¡­¡± She murmured happily. ¡°Let¡¯s see what we can make from you.¡± She glared at the surrounding woods sourly, when her hut began to cluck and squawk, darting around the clearing on its four long chicken legs, jostling the aged witch and bouncing her around. ¡°Who dares enter my domain?¡± She demanded, her voice shrill and crackling with fury. ¡°The one you stole that shiny toy from, Baba Yaga.¡± Ward whispered angrily, as he stepped from the shadow of her own hut, setting it to scampering around in an undignified manner once more. ¡°Give it back and perhaps I¡¯ll forget your lapse in judgement. Toying with mortal souls is taboo, as we have been sharply reminded recently.¡± ¡°It¡¯s still only a goblin, hardly worth bothering with, even if it has become a troll.¡± She whined. ¡°I just wanted to pull it apart and find out how it became undying.¡± ¡°And if some more potent being decided to pull you apart to see what makes you immortal, would that be acceptable?¡± He asked gently. ¡°Piffle!¡± She snorted. ¡°I¡¯m the eternal witch of the deep woods! Who could pull me apart?¡± ¡°Who indeed?¡± The tall, black clad god asked sweetly. ¡°Return it.¡± Despite her bravado and posturing she handed the tiny, glowing orb back without further complaints¡­ at least, none she voiced. Ward sighed sadly, as he made his way back to the dryad forest, idly toying with the shining soulstuff, spinning it out on a silver thread and reeling it back, whistling gaily as he went along. ¡°I wonder...¡± He mused aloud at the gleaming handful of rainbows. ¡°Figgy, darling¡­ I¡¯ll be back. I need to visit the Devourer of Souls for a bit.¡± He called into the forest. # Im Your Fool Ch: 36 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance I''m Your Fool Ch: 36 Sarah glared at the gaggle of weirdos and frowned in consternation. Daisybelle and her mutts had abandoned ship for team play in the garden with the other local pets, taking Gandree with her. That boy remained a mystery, but a minor one in comparison to the band of crazies infesting her island. ¡°I know, we¡¯re a lot to take in.¡± Their mercurial and strange Gary Ward muttered happily in her ear. Somehow it almost seemed like the mad creature could read her mind¡­ when she glanced over, he was already gone. ¡°I can¡¯t read your mind¡­ sister.¡± He answered her unspoken suspicion a moment later, dancing by in the arms of his giant redhead hillwoman. ¡°My four younger sons and my brother are all fragments of me, like you are.¡± He grinned madly at her and chuckled. ¡°I¡¯ve gotten really good at reading my own body language and expressions over the last few years.¡± ¡°I told you, kid¡­ you aren¡¯t special. Some of us have been alive so long, we can¡¯t really remember being that person anymore.¡± She sighed tiredly, when the young idiot landed back at her table, danced to exhaustion by his still twirling mate. ¡°The goblin king is at least fifty years old and he¡¯s just a baby compared to me. Nobody even has a clue how long the Magician has been¡­ whatever he is.¡± ¡°Oh? The magician huh? Put a pin in that. I¡¯ll want a meeting with this goblin king too.¡± He said with an innocuous smile. ¡°Boy, the major arcana are currently at war with the cult of light¡­ and kicking their asses. No one has time to play patty-cake and hold your hand. If I was capable of leaving this domain, I¡¯d be with them!¡± She snapped. ¡°Be thankful you get guidance from one of the major cards at all.¡± Sarah settled back on her chair and glared at the obstinate fool. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna be a dick about it, but you might want to reach deep inside yourself and find some chill¡­ Things are not going to unfold the way you expect. Wait till sundown, I think you¡¯ll see more clearly after dark.¡± He gazed out at the wide ocean and a big slice of bright blue sky, smiling inanely. ¡°Time for a random subject change that will totally turn out to be important later¡­ Your deck had the moon card in it, but it seemed like you don¡¯t really know what the moon is¡­ do you have stories or legends about the moon?¡± ¡°Well¡­ everybody just¡­ knows. The moon is like the sun, spinning through the skies of the prime world, casting light in the darkness and banishing evil¡­¡± She shrugged. ¡°It¡¯s just the kind of folklore everybody seems to know from childhood.¡± ¡°What about travelers from other worlds? Weird people just popping out of holes in the universe. That seems normal to you¡­ right?¡± He continued. ¡°Of course. Adventurers used to come stomping in, attacking my monsters, defeating traps¡­ and dying.¡± She smiled wistfully and gazed up at the sky through the window, lost in her own thoughts for a moment. ¡°Once they came from all over the cosmos, seeking glory, fame, wealth or power¡­ All the things that motivate people have played out on these islands again and again, in all their variations for centuries.¡± She clapped her hands and nodded with a glint of renewed resolve in her eyes. ¡°That¡¯s all in the past now. I sealed the dungeon two hundred years ago to keep the cult of light from turning my home into another of their despicable monster breeding worlds. Time to get back in business, now that they have their hands full.¡± She stood, nodded to her hosts and took a long stretch. ¡°I¡¯m gonna take a walk in your garden, bathe in that fascinating, impossible hotspring and enjoy the rest of today. Tomorrow the dungeon re-opens.¡± With that, she strolled out into the garden, smiling and taking in the delights all around her with eager and excited gasps. ¡°Duskmoons? How rare¡­ Apples and cherries! Oh yes!¡± ¡°We should do a fruit and cheese plate for dessert tonight.¡± Becky murmured, as the strange woman vanished down the winding paths that led into the orchards, giggling ecstatically every now and then. # Sarah lost herself in the impossible, dreamlike garden that somehow sprawled over the mine waste field, transforming the barren, blighted spot into a temperate paradise¡­ Just as perplexing, the mosquitos, midges, biting flies, chiggers, bloodbeetles and the rest of her venomous, ravenous, crawling and flying host were very distinctly absent. A simple vermin ward couldn¡¯t possibly exclude those desperate, vampiric multitudes. The sheer weight of so many tiny, hungry minds, all bent to a singular purpose would overwhelm even the most potent barriers and wards in a few minutes at most. She wandered the grounds, tasting the fruits right from the branches and vines they dangled from and indulged herself in a simple, pastoral tranquility that felt welcoming¡­ like home. ¡°This place truly welcomes you¡­¡± A sweet, high pitched voice sang from the upper boughs of a plum tree. Sarah found the speaker after a moment¡¯s searching; a tiny yellow and black armored humanoid perched on a bough, nearly invisible among the fruit and blossoms. ¡°He recognises the ways in which you are still him, no matter how much you¡¯ve changed, or what you have had to do to survive...¡± ¡°And who are you, little spirit?¡± She asked gently. ¡°A house sprite perhaps? How charming!¡± ¡°House sprite? Pish and piffle, necromancer! I am Kree, warrior princess of this hive! A sugar wasp mistaken for a pixie or fairy indeed!¡± She buzzed her stained glass dragonfly wings at the confused woman in adorable, tiny irritation. ¡°I am his bonded familiar and have been entrusted by the eternal god of all Beasts with keeping him safe¡­ from himself.¡± ¡°Another silly cult and another god? I¡¯ll thank you to keep such foolishness to yourself. I¡¯ve had enough of false gods and their half baked cults for a dozen lives.¡± Sarah sniffed with disdain and glared past the moored vessels in the lagoon, out at the open sea, beyond the natural breakwater. ¡°At long last we might see the end of one of the most pernicious of the ¡®faiths¡¯ that have infested these realms. I¡¯d rather not watch another get started on my own island.¡± ¡°Beast is a divine being, touching and in turn touched by every animate creature¡­¡± The tiny armored girl whispered reverently, in her sweet voice of crystalline chimes. ¡°Even those that exist at the very edge of what we consider to be ¡®living¡¯ are his children. You feel a burden on your soul for the way in which you exist, as a parasitic organism squatting in the half alive corpse of your victim¡­¡± ¡°What do you know of it, spirit?¡± She demanded, her tone sharp and cold. ¡°I¡¯ll not be analyzed by a pint sized psychiatrist with wings!¡± ¡°Poor creature¡­ I watched while my Gary Ward struggled with those same feelings, desires, powers and fears¡­ He too, could have become a predator, a parasite, a necromancer¡­ or a monster.¡± She whispered, flitting from her branch and buzzing closer to the woman in the orchard. ¡°Beast will not judge you for how you have survived, for that is the first and only command most mortal beings hear from him¡­ with a precious few exceptions.¡± She smiled through her armored insect mask and nodded happily at Sarah when she cocked a quizzical eyebrow at the tiny creature. ¡°You are angling for something¡­ little creature. What are you playing at?¡± She demanded. ¡°Kree, was it? Speak plain and leave me in peace¡­ I have much to weigh and consider already.¡± ¡°Very well.¡± The armored being whispered sweetly, with a low, sweeping bow to the beautiful dead woman with a tiny octopus hiding in her skull. ¡°If you wish it, with a clear Will and an open mind in this place¡­ You too may be able to hear the voice of the god of all living mortals.¡± ¡°Why would I wish to speak with your silly beast spirit? The demons of the light cult have brought enough trouble to these lands and seas. I¡¯m not a fool, eager to open the door for another would-be deity with an agenda.¡± She snapped harshly, renewing her glare at the little being. Kree shrugged her shoulders and bowed again. ¡°What a pity. This house is also a temple to several gods; eternal Beast is but the first of several who may wish to speak with you. If you miss this opportunity, it may be several years before one whom even a single god has anointed appears before you¡­¡± ¡°Never mind that.¡± Sarah barked. ¡°Tell me more about this Gary Ward you follow; he seems feeble and more than half deranged, yet this whole group has their eyes on him...¡± ¡°You are perceptive, he is awfully feeble. A normal rank human is a fragile and ephemeral thing, my master could be slain with ease by almost any foe.¡± She chirped merrily. ¡°I have to be careful, lest I kill him by accident with my own venom, the poor, squishy creature.¡± Kree slid her insect mask aside and let it dangle from its straps, revealing a pretty face and laughter filled, bright emerald eyes. ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯m here. To protect him, all of him, even the parts that he lost, even the parts of him that have lost their own way...¡± ¡°Faugh! Enough with your cajoling and hints¡­ What is it all of these people are here for?¡± She demanded. ¡°How did they defeat my blood sucking bugs and build this¡­ this place without my knowledge?¡± ¡°Your bugs obey his Will, because he is beloved of Beast¡­ and so many others. That is the truth; every living beast watches where he treads and must respond according to their natures; just as the dead must answer his call, for he has been blessed, cursed and anointed by those deities several times over.¡± Kree landed on a nearby berry bush and folded her wings behind her solemnly. ¡°Where he walks, the world shifts on its axis and the mountains raise their skirts to dance to his tune. Oppose him if you wish, but remember this; death and chaos walk behind him, wherever he goes. We¡¯ll speak again, before the end.¡± She stood and flexed her brilliantly colorful wings, scattering rainbows around the little orchard glade, as she prepared to fly away. ¡°What do you mean by that? Speak clearly, spirit!¡± Sarah barked angrily, her eyes flashing in the early afternoon light. ¡°Your head is humming, and it won''t go, in case you don''t know¡­ The piper''s calling you to join him.¡± The mysterious little woman murmured in a singsong, lilting tone, slightly sweet, sad and hopeful all at once. ¡°It¡¯s not too late to change the road you¡¯re on.¡± A moment later, she was gone, vanished into the shadows beneath the trees. # Lindsey stood on the white, sandy shore, blushing furiously in the snug, form fitting ¡®swimwear¡¯ Becky, Amy and Maya had stuffed her into, just after lunch. The slick fabric had almost no weight to it and clung like a second skin, before even hitting the water. The silky, bright violet ¡®one piece¡¯ had been cut so high up the leg and so narrow at the rear, she felt as if her whole bottom was just hanging out here, because it pretty much was¡­ She shot a sneaky look at the other side of the lagoon, where the boys were arrayed variously in loose shorts. All except Barry, who wore a set of snug, tight briefs that bulged and bounced distractingly as he hauled in a net from the shallows, his muscles gleaming under a sheen of sea water and the sweat of his exertions¡­If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. ¡°Focus up, Lin! This is a contest of honor!¡± Amy called to the distracted girl, who blushed even more furiously, as Barry looked her way. Lindsey gave a small squeak of alarm and distress, before she dove into the sea, clutching a three pronged fishing spear, before he could get an eyeful of the leggy damsel. From the sparkling waters of the lagoon, a slim, dusky form erupted in a shower of glittering droplets, dragging a dull brown, weakly struggling horror behind her in triumph. ¡°Another giant lobster!¡± She shouted gleefully, once the four foot long crustacean was ashore. ¡°Ten points for us, losers!¡± Amy dropped her catch among the mangrove roots with a half dozen other sea creatures, whose futures seemed grim among the hungry Adventurers. She shook her lithe, bright blue bikini clad form and grinned at Lindsey, who was just emerging from the lapping wavelets with a sea bass on her spear, tugging at her one piece, in a hopeless attempt to get it to stop climbing between her cheeks so embarrassingly. She had no clue that the garment made her grey eyes seem even larger and more luminous, with her hair coiled in a tight plait and secured for swimming. Across the lagoon, poor Barry got distracted, for some reason and took a humiliating pratfall into a silty mangrove bog, covering himself with slick, clinging mud from head to toe. ¡°Nice one!¡± Becky called out to the pair, while hauling a crab trap in from the depths outside the breakwater. ¡°Shai needs help hauling her catch ashore, girls!¡± Out in the middle of the lagoon, a slow spreading cloud of dark ink dimmed the water, where two leviathans were locked in a struggle for supremacy. Shai dove deep, in a flash of pale legs and a perky, green clad backside, chasing her prey as it tried to squirm into a deep crevice and hide. With a quick thrust, the woman in the skimpy green bikini stabbed her spear into the squirming mass of scarlet tentacles and gave the barbed weapon a vicious twist and tug. She pried the dying octopus from its rocky cleft and swam for the surface, a faint trail of ink following her up. Amy and Lindsey joined her at the surface, to help tow the massive, slimy creature to shore. Twenty feet long from end to end, the brilliantly scarlet hue of the creature faded as they brought it onto the sandy beach with a little help from Flash, once they managed to get a rope around the tangled, slippery mass of boneless meat. Daisybelle erupted from the water, with a three foot reef shark clenched in her teeth and blood staining the almost invisible, white lace bra and panties she wore, in deference to the others¡­ Not that her wet, clinging white lace undies did much, as far as covering or concealing things went. Her smooth, taut green skin and voluptuous curves, stacked onto her short, slightly stocky frame distracted Gandree so thoroughly when she burst from the depths, that he forgot what he was doing entirely. Wide eyed and mouth gaping like a hooked fish, the dwarf lad pitched into the mud face first, while trying to help Barry out of his own slippery, silty quagmire. He thrashed and struggled, buried to his shoulders in muck. His thick, muscular legs kicked mightily, above his tight, skimpy shorts and the round, stone hard backside Daisybelle enjoyed watching so much. Barry heaved mightily, sinking himself to the hips in the clinging mud, as he heaved his new friend out of the hilariously dangerous misadventure he¡¯d found for himself. A few terribly long seconds later, he dragged Gandree ¡®s face above the surface, holding the disoriented fellow above the surface while he spat, coughed and gagged. ¡°Oh shit! This guy¡¯s heavy as fuck!¡± Barry shouted to the friends and relations on the shore. Slowly, the tall lad sank to his shoulders, still holding the massive dwarf aloft, despite the confused man¡¯s struggles. ¡°I need some help here guys!¡± It took Wilf, Larry and Perry to haul both men ashore, so they could start scraping the mud off of themselves and fishing small sea creatures from their hair and shorts. ¡°You can¡¯t swim?¡± Barry asked his still gasping, coughing new brother a few minutes later, when they were sprawled together on the sand, recovering. ¡°What¡¯s ¡®swim¡¯?¡± He asked in a voice made hoarse by coughing up half the ocean. ¡°It¡¯s what the girls are doing¡­ Moving through the water and floating like that.¡± Barry explained very patiently, since it was a great excuse to watch the girls kick the boys asses in the fishing competition. ¡°People float?¡± He asked quizzically. ¡°I mean, Daisybelle does¡­ ¡®cause she¡¯s so light and soft¡­¡± Gandree lost his train of thought, as the little green lass bounced off the breakwater, diving after some poor, unfortunate sea creature with her teeth bared in a grimace of excited fury. ¡°You can¡¯t float?¡± Barry asked, once Lindsey stopped distracting him, running through the surf, smiling beautifully while clutching a fishing spear. ¡°Dwarves sink, brother.¡± Gandree mumbled softly, while desperately trying to control certain unruly parts of his anatomy. ¡°It¡¯s a density thing¡­¡± He shrugged helplessly and sighed at the lovely goblin splashing through the waves with another struggling fish in her teeth. ¡°Nothing to be done for it, I can only watch from the shore. Though, that has its advantages too.¡± Daisybelle tossed her bloody, limp barracuda onto the girl¡¯s pile, with a hungry look in her eye. She took a short, very bouncy run in their direction, followed by a spinning leap that planted her almost bare bottom on Gandree¡¯s lap for a few seconds of vigorous activity that somehow involved the dwarf holding her boobs aloft in his trembling palms, while she ¡®adjusted¡¯ her skimpy, wet, lacy, practically invisible bra. She smiled wickedly, while making a show of managing her ¡®swimwear¡¯, right in front of her soggy, exhausted beau and his new friend. Poor Barry got a face full of double barrel shortstack as an innocent bystander, which left both boys stunned, gasping and unsure of what just happened. ¡°Your boy is cute too, Lindsey!¡± Daisybelle called to the lanky violet dream that was glaring at the unfortunate lad from the shore, dripping and still holding her spear in a grip that made Barry blanch and begin stuttering half baked excuses on instinct. ¡°He blushes so red and pink when he sees boobies, just like mine does!¡± ¡°Uh¡­ Lindsey¡­¡± Barry choked and gasped at the furious girl, while desperately trying to find somewhere to rest his eyes that was safe. Shai came to her son¡¯s rescue, by ringing the bell that ended the competition. ¡°Aye the girls win¡­ and handily too! We¡¯ll be having seafood hotpot and those tasty octopus fritters!¡± She mumbled eagerly, when Gary came ambling over, smiling eagerly at the catch. ¡°Takoyaki, darling¡­ they¡¯re so tasty! I can¡¯t wait!¡± Before Shai knew it, her husband had a long, slim knife in hand, beginning the long process of butchering the enormous cephalopod with a joyful and eager smile on his slime and ink covered face. Wilf and the boys did well, but the girl¡¯s team had a crushing lead. A dozen coconut crabs, two small lobsters and a big jute cacao sack of giant clams and oysters made a fine catch, but the girls had this one all sewn up. Their wicker baskets and tarpaulin on the sand held a terrifying bounty from the shore, from cephalopods and mollusks to three giant lobsters, their claws bound with stout cords so they couldn¡¯t eat the rest of the live catch in the tidepool. The fishing contest crowd skedaddled for the baths, leaving a massive heap of seafood for their proud father to butcher. ¡°Go on and wash up, kids¡­ I¡¯ll handle this.¡± The tall, smiling man told the already vanished swarm of giggling competitors. Soon only Gary and the dwarf lad remained on the beach. ¡°Run along, son¡­ I¡¯ll take care of this.¡± Gary gently urged the remaining lad. ¡°I¡­ uh, need a minute, before I can stand up¡­ these shorts are really tight.¡± He mumbled awkwardly, as he fidgeted on the sand. ¡°Yeah¡­ That girl is something else.¡± Gary murmured happily to the burly young man. ¡°You found yourself an honest to goddess, Manic Pixie Dreamgirl. Congratulations, now don¡¯t let her get away.¡± A few minutes later, Gandree joined him on the sand, squatting beside the giant, with a knife in his own hands. ¡°I only know how to handle brook trout and such, but I¡¯ll help¡­ if you¡¯ll teach me how.¡± He mumbled awkwardly at the taller man. ¡°Sure, son¡­ First, help me gut and wash all these fish. Then we¡¯ll work on that big ol¡¯ octopus.¡± He spoke softly, but with firm confidence, as he took the young dwarf in hand and began their long, messy job together. ¡°Careful, that monster fang eel has venomous spines behind its jaw. Feel around very gently and take the head off an inch behind the last one, so you don¡¯t contaminate the meat or damage the venom glands.¡± It was smelly, slimy and dirty work, disemboweling the creatures and rinsing them in the lagoon¡¯s clear, salty waters. Gandree followed along, watching the man¡¯s brisk and efficient bladework, as he disassembled the weird sea creatures with a long, keen, bronze bladed knife. When he finally stood from the bloody sand, a long table with a wooden top, two cutting boards and a pile of clean linen towels stood on the sand behind them, brought out while they worked by some stealthy means. A number of knives of various designs rested in a stand between the two chopping boards, awaiting them. The dwarf lad spent the next hour learning more than he ever suspected there was to know about cutting fish. His tall mentor¡¯s tranquil instructions and calm demeanor soothed him into a steady pace, where things seemed to happen very quickly and almost suspiciously easily. Eventually, he turned around, out of idle curiosity and looked over the huge pile of waste heaped on a tarp on the sand behind them and gasped. There was a truly impressive mound of scales, guts and fins awaiting disposal. ¡°We really did all that?¡± The lad asked his new mentor, a nervous tremble in his voice. ¡°Oh, yeah. One of my magical gifts is responsible; you¡¯ll be a skilled fishmonger before we¡¯re done.¡± He answered merrily. ¡°The shellfish can wait a little longer, let¡¯s gather the inedible components and materials. The venom sacks in that eel are first on the list. Come on, son. I¡¯ll show you the trick of it, so you don¡¯t poison yourself.¡± Together they worked on the vast but rapidly shrinking pile of seafood, gutting, cutting and cracking their way through the job, one slippery creature at a time; while scavenging the parts the older man indicated were valuable. ¡°These quills are super useful for making blowgun darts. The venom sacks and glands are used in medicines, especially healing draughts¡­ they taste awful though.¡± The strangely familiar man explained the virtues of various kinds of skin, scales, carapace, organs and bones at some length as they worked; and Gandree found himself picking the information up with incredible ease. ¡°I feel as though we accomplished a ridiculous amount of work in a very short time¡­ and yes, I do think that this art of fishcutting is mine now. I presume that magical gift of yours is why¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, under the influence of my aura, crafts, skills and arts are faster, more efficient and easier to learn. You really vibe with me, so the spiritual exchange was effortless, just like with my kids.¡± He sighed as he gathered the tarp of fish waste up into a hefty, disgusting bundle and tied it closed. ¡°Do me a favor, wipe down the table while I take care of all this stuff.¡± Gandree nodded and turned to the worktable, only to discover it was gone entirely, along with the knives, chopping boards and towels. ¡°Oh, sorry¡­I forgot, I already cleaned those up.¡± Gary mumbled with an expression of obviously false embarrassment. The sack of reeking fish guts was also gone, with nary a trace left behind. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s wash up and hit the baths, Gandree.¡± The much taller man dropped his hand on the dwarf¡¯s shoulder and gave a paternal squeeze of reassurance. ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much.¡± ¡°It¡¯s hard to avoid worrying¡­ you¡¯re a very worrisome man, master Ward.¡± The young fellow answered calmly, with a faint smile on his face. ¡°All the fish we cut and all the parts are gone. You have a magic storage shadow like mine, don¡¯t you? Just as this house can vanish into your shadow, just as mine can.¡± ¡°You¡¯re just gonna lay it all out there, huh?¡± The giant asked cheerfully. ¡°Nice, but I¡¯m just Gary, son. I always find it¡¯s easier if we just tell the truth all the time; since most people will assume we¡¯re lying and fuck themselves over hilariously...¡± Both men shared a chuckle and quiet camaraderie, as they washed up and slipped into the pool together with a patching pair of exhausted sighs. ¡°It¡¯s not surprising we have similar gifts, my sons all wound up with gifts not too different from mine. They¡¯re all crafty and clever, but they get that from their mother.¡± He smiled at the blocky young man and nodded serenely. ¡°Sarah is still struggling with the fact, but she¡¯s my son as well. Our lives are very complex.¡± Gay leaned back on the curb of the pool, soaking and smiling as if all was right with the world. ¡°That¡¯s all well and good, but what about dinner? Do we need to bring all that fish to the kitchen?¡± Gandree demanded, when a low, angry rumble sounded from below the water. ¡°I¡¯m starving.¡± ¡°That¡¯s my boy.¡± Gary sighed happily. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯ll be ready when we get out. For now, let¡¯s get to know each other. No one will disturb us except my wife¡­¡± His smile faltered as he reflected on his life and household. ¡°And my kids and Becky¡­ ok, we should talk fast ¡®cause my family sucks at boundaries. Just relax and tell me your story, son.¡± The man listened quietly as the young dwarf spun his tale over a peaceful half hour or so. ¡°...now I¡¯m sick and tired of putting up with being bossed around and I¡¯m looking forward to shoving my big ol¡¯ boot between any arse cheeks that get in my way.¡± He coughed and blushed in a moment of real embarrassment. ¡°Sorry, I try to keep myself buttoned up tight, but you¡¯re really easy to talk to¡­¡± ¡°Thanks, son. That¡¯s nice to hear.¡± Gary murmured quietly, his voice almost lost in the rumble of the waterfall. ¡°I think you have a pretty good idea of what I¡¯m going to tell you¡­ Right?¡± the big man asked in the calm, tranquil, almost musical way he had about him. ¡°You think you¡¯re the real Gary Ward, even though Sarah is so much older than you¡­¡± Gandree mumbled awkwardly. ¡°It does sound crazy, just on the face of it! Even before you start considering the age difference; how can we all be the same person?¡± ¡°We aren¡¯t, son. Any more than twin brothers are the same person.¡± He answered gently. ¡°My sons are all their own people, distinct individuals, just like Sarah and probably, your goblin king¡­ I really need to meet that guy.¡± ¡°He¡¯s a lot like you¡­ but more green.¡± The dwarf replied sleepily, as he sagged lower in the water. ¡°Speaking of green¡­ tell me about your lady friend.¡± The big man asked softly, smiling at his sleepy new friend benignly. ¡°Daisybelle? She¡¯s beautiful, sexy, a princess, daughter of the king and completely out of my league¡­ but she¡¯s so kind and sweet, she doesn¡¯t seem to notice that she¡¯s too good for me¡­¡± He mumbled, his lips barely above the surface of the pool. ¡°I think lady Joy must have sent her, just for me¡­ I love her.¡± Gary smiled at the sweetly blushing goblin damsel standing unseen by her beau on the edge of the bath, listening to and smiling happily. ¡°Good grief!¡± She cried joyously in her boytoy¡¯s ear, drawing a manly squeak of fright from him. ¡°Would you two dumb dumbs get out of the bath and come eat? Double stupid, as all boys are!¡± She reached down and clamped her fingers around the young lad¡¯s earlobe with a grip that showed Shai¡¯s tutelage; no one else could get that knuckle right in the fold of the cartilage every damn time. ¡°Ow!¡± The dwarf and man yelped in harmony, as an iron hard grip closed on Gary¡¯s own tender lobe, drawing a similar cry from Shai¡¯s fool husband. The two women frogmarched their men into the dressing room, then briskly dried and dressed them, while continuing to scold the poor boys mercilessly. ¡°Does yours constantly wander off and hide in his workshop as well, auntie Shai?¡± Daisybelle asked sweetly, while towelling Gandree with more vigor than truly needful. ¡°Aye, ¡®tis a constant trial and struggle with that man of mine¡­ Ever he is tinkering on some foolish project or another, when his poor wife does need his help with the chores!¡± Shai complained, as she shoved her husband¡¯s tackle into a pair of boxer briefs unceremoniously. ¡°He does fill out his trousers nicely, though.¡± Shai delivered a crisp swat to Gary¡¯s rump, once she had finished fastening his sash and arranging his shirt to her liking. ¡°If yours is dressed; let¡¯s away to the table, while dinner is hot.¡± The two awful girls prodded and shoved their men along and finally settled in beside them at the table around a huge, shallow caudron of simmering broth, seafood and vegetables. They shared a peaceful meal, surrounded by strangers that felt familiar, on a beach far from anywhere they knew. # To Be A Rock Ch: 37 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance To Be A Rock Ch: 37 Sarah opened her eyes, unsure exactly when she had fallen asleep sitting in a cozy bower among the fruit trees. Evening had come, lazily painting the sky in orange and purple hues with a wide, sloppy brush; she was generous with the colors though. The woman stretched and prepared to stand, when a voice halted her. ¡°You have lingered here too long, mortal.¡± Sarah looked up and there, in the plum tree perched another tiny sprite, this one a fiery red and gold, with moth wings of gently flickering flame and smoke waving lazily behind her back. ¡°Dinner is begun and you may miss out on the fried shrimp, if you tarry here.¡± ¡°Another sprite with delusions of grandeur.¡± She sighed, exhaustion thickening her voice. ¡°Say your bit and be gone, pixie. I¡¯m tired.¡± ¡°I¡¯m Mariah, the immortal dryad of the Wildfire Plum grove¡­ and you¡¯re mostly Gary Ward. That makes you my uncle, or auntie¡­ Or something complicated like that.¡± She sighed in the sound of a forest fire rushing through dry pine trees. ¡°Kree said you were all stubborn and half ignorant.¡± She sassed the much larger being in cutting tones, reminiscent of a roaring campfire. ¡°I came to bring you in for dinner, in hopes that you might listen to me as we head back. Now I think I will just watch you get flummoxed and distressed; That promises to be highly entertaining!¡± Talk of fried shrimp got Sarah moving, at least¡­ Though she was still obstinate and annoying in the face of her immortal wisdom and advice. ¡°...Really, you should go in with an open mind. Please don¡¯t challenge him to some kind of alpha Gary, ¡®who has the big dong¡¯ contest. There¡¯s been enough johnson jousting between you two already and you haven¡¯t really even talked.¡± She insisted, as they walked among the orchards and vineyard rows back to the house. ¡°We live in a magical world of wonders, right? Come on, you¡¯re talking to an immortal insect spirit of magical flaming plum trees. Broaden your horizons, open yourself to the possibility that just maybe, he is kinda¡­ Special.¡± ¡°He¡¯s unranked, bug girl. He¡¯s the weakest entity in your whole group.¡± She grumbled at the fluttering ember shaped like a huge butterfly. ¡°Is he, though? Or is he paying the price of a mighty and terrible working? You see a fool, a jackanape, drifting along in the wake of the more potent beings around him¡­¡± She smirked at the woman, flying backwards for a few seconds for the purpose. ¡°The brave can look beyond the fool¡¯s mask he wears, to glimpse the awful thing inside; while the wise heed the warning he constantly emits. It peals out with each beat of his heart, like the tolling of a great and terrible bell. Can you bear to see what hides in his shadow?¡± Mariah asked sweetly. ¡°Eldritch secrets and awesome truths extract a price, one he has paid so many times that he has become something eldritch himself.¡± ¡°Sweet, merciful stars above, I¡¯m supposed to be the scary wizard and mysterious seer in this mad little farce!¡± Sarah took a slow, calming breath, when she realized she was pouting at the cocky little monster. ¡°Damn these kissable, plump lips! I can¡¯t even take myself seriously!¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m rooting for you, Sarah. Now go inside and try to hold on to your sanity.¡± She fluttered away toward the stable, a flickering mote of ruddy firelight in the gathering gloom. As she flew away, her sweet, piercing voice raised in song. It was the odd melody the other strange bug had spoken a few mysterious couplets and rhymes in. Your head is humming, and it won''t go, in case you don''t know. The piper''s calling you to join him. The flying spark vanished into the stable, leaving her at the door, alone as the sun went down. A faint and cheerful ruckus came from behind the door and through the windows, an inviting and familiar sensation that she hadn¡¯t felt in a while. ¡°I really need to get my dungeon started back up¡­¡± She mumbled softly as the scents of hot seafood soup and the sounds of a busy, happy home engulfed her. # Thirp, Marduk and Joy were seated front and center among the divine audience for the show, snacking on sweet almond cookies and iced berry tisane, more gifts and offerings from that amusing dwarf lad. ¡°He¡¯s doing marvelously well.¡± Thirp muttered excitedly to Joy, who nodded her ivory mask a barely perceptible few degrees in profound agreement. A slightly lifted pinkie finger signaled her intense enjoyment of the activities of the day. ¡°You¡¯re just excited about the skimpy clothing and sexual tension.¡± Marduk sassed his mostly spidery comrade. Thirp wore her six legged, two armed, half humanoid form for the occasion, since Joy loved snuggling up to her soft furred torso. That form also allowed her to cheerfully deploy a rude hand gesture at the little blonde god, making them both giggle with naughty glee, when Joy cast a glare of mingled laughter and mild outrage at the two divine idiots. They were distracting her from the show! The whole group focused on the drama playing out on Marduk¡¯s marvelous screen. A few heartfelt and tender minutes of Gary and Gandree gutting fish together later, Eponna sidled in beside her favorite godling and kissed the top of his golden curled head, sighing with just a little disappointment. ¡°Dana has slipped free, somehow. She no longer lingers by the standing stones, miserable and shamed.¡± The equine goddess whispered quietly, lest she interrupt the show. A solid two dozen assorted fae, outsiders and divines were gathered in the common room, watching ¡®Mortal World Theatre, with Marduk and his friends¡¯ on the big screen and sharing their offerings around. ¡°Dagon, if you reheat that curried tuna in this house, I will be very upset with you!¡± Brigid scolded the ancient, fish-scaled mesopotamian divine. ¡°Bless me if even my arts could banish that stench! Silly fool!¡± The red bronze form of the divine Hearthmistress and lady of the Forge complained at his fleeing backside, while taking a seat near the discussion. ¡°It¡¯s like they are children! Now what¡¯s this? Dana escaped?¡± Eponna nodded sourly and flipped her long, radiant tresses of starlight and galaxies over her shoulder with an equine whinny of distaste. ¡°Yes, the slippery wretch is once more back in her divine, boring realm of ass kissery and overly hygienic dullness. No doubt her flunkies are gushing over her and singing hosannas as we speak.¡± ¡°How disappointing. Do we have any idea how she escaped his spell?¡± Thirp asked sweetly. ¡°I¡¯ve no small skill with curses, but that thing was a terrifying edifice of Will, Vengeance, Debts and Anger.¡± The spider deity shuddered at the memory and wriggled a little closer to lady Joy. ¡°I would hesitate even to look too deeply into that nightmarish spell working.¡± Marduk smiled with pure delight and gave a little shudder of wicked glee. ¡°He used his own mortal elements and her debt to his child as materials for that spell. I wouldn¡¯t be too certain she is free of it yet.¡± Lady Joy delicately twiddled the fingers of her right hand, suggesting she was enthusiastically in agreement with Marduk and was looking forward to what would undoubtedly transpire next. Divine ears might have even detected the faint essence of the ghost of a whispery laugh, high and sweet, at the utmost edge of even godlike hearing. ¡°Your pet seems to be in fine condition this evening, lord Marduk.¡± Hotoi called from the middle rows, as he passed snacks out to the nearby divines from his bag of blessings and terrors. ¡°That hotpot looks marvelous!¡± ¡°He is doing well! I¡¯m immersed in his senses as we speak and am tasting it right now.¡± The little blonde divine cooed happily. ¡°Sorry, friends; only Contracted divinities and close friends can enjoy all the senses.¡± Marduk leaned over and softly whispered in Eponna¡¯s ear, too quietly for even the nosiest gods to overhear. ¡°None of his curses are working tonight, my love. That tells me that Dana is in for a rude awakening, if and when he returns to these lands.¡± ¡°A wise man might not return.¡± She answered just as quietly. ¡°Has this realm done much to endear itself to him and his kin? Especially the pantheon and the mortal powers¡­ I have run across the grassy plains of many worlds and can tell you, he has options.¡± ¡°He is an intimate of Beast¡¯s handmaidens, they touch so many worlds.¡± Marduk mused softly. ¡°Your idea has merit! I will suggest it to Shai, when next she makes an offering at my shrine.¡± The little blonde god began playing out the conversation in his mind, considering the approach that would get Shai on board, without setting Gary¡¯s finely honed divine plot senses off. The poor lad was so god-shy he could barely walk by a temple without getting the shakes. ¡®The curses might have something to do with that, too¡­¡¯ The light of man¡¯s Knowledge thought silently. ¡°Ducky¡­ What are they doing now?¡± Eponna asked not very quietly at all, bringing the little god¡¯s attention back to what his friends were up to, off wherever they were. That issue was still a little hazy. # Gary was half reclined, rubbing his belly with a deeply satisfied smile on his face, as he regaled the whole common room with the broad strokes of his story. ¡°So out here, where the gods and their curses have no power, I can just come out and say it¡­ like a real person! Sir Francis is going to be so pissed when he finds out. Poor guy went full murder-board, red-yarn crazy, trying to crack the case¡­¡± He chuckled and smiled at the thought. ¡°Where was I?¡± He asked the crowd. Gandree had a notepad out, cribbing down the details in a firm, clear hand. He was so damn diligent! Becky, Ivy and Liam were note taking too, but that was expected of nerds like them. ¡°You performed a ¡®Slim Shady¡¯ at the gathered court of the leaders of your land and summoned¡­ War to testify? Like an actual god, god?¡± The dwarf offered a scant few seconds later. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s it! An actual, divine, eternal god, the kind that thrives on worship and grants mortals spiritual Contacts to empower their followers in mind, body and soul. Gods. There¡¯s also spirits, lesser divines, fae, outsiders and others who can Contract as well.¡± He answered merrily. ¡°That was when I decided to begin working on my plan.¡± The gathered Wards and associated weirdos leaned forward as a group, all eager to explore the enduring mystery of what the fuck happened next.Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°We¡¯ll pick the story up later¡­¡± He announced with an exaggerated yawn. ¡°Nope! You¡¯re telling us now! Right now, papa!¡± Amy demanded, brandishing a cheese knife at her father furiously. ¡°No more stupid secrets!¡± ¡°But sweety, this is the stupidest secret of them all!¡± He whined, through a smile that was too excited to conceal. ¡°All right¡­ you twisted my arm!¡± He gasped at last. # ¡°He can¡¯t tell them any more, can he?¡± Inari demanded from her seat at the bar, her long white fox tails thrashing in irritation. ¡°The conservative faction is already on the edge of some foolish action or other!¡± ¡°He can and will, if he wishes.¡± Ipet said very firmly. ¡°The divines have overplayed their hand in general and Dana¡¯s faction in particular have performed a mighty and stupid unforced error.¡± Her sweet, red cupid¡¯s bow smile always seemed a perfect fit, despite her hippopotamus visage and gold capped ivory tusks. Strands of beads in gold, ivory, lapis, jade and turquoise hid her dark full breasts and rattled softly with her movements, as she sipped her tea and savored a date stuffed with mint, candied lemon and rice. ¡°I¡¯d like to make some witty comment about ¡®the infield fly rule¡¯ or some such arcane nonsense, but mortal sports remain a mystery to me.¡± Her teacup landed on its saucer with a nearly silent clatter that rang out like an earthquake in the stillness. ¡°My servant will speak when and if he choses, of what he will. If a price is to be paid, so be it.¡± She lifted the cup back to her lips and sighed. ¡°It¡¯s just getting good. We should all listen, since none of us truly know what transpired on that terrible day.¡± # Gary was being a complete asshole, slouching in his chair carelessly and telling the tale in a roundabout way. The common room held a tension and expectant eagerness that halted all cross talk and kibitzing with an iron fist. One could almost feel that some great and awesome regard had fallen on the room, hammering at the minds of those present on an instinctive level. Bloody Gary just kept prattling on, unconcerned.¡°In the course of our adventures, we picked up a lot of weird things¡­ and you know I can¡¯t stand to waste magical energy, so I started collecting different elemental and spiritual residues and fragments sorted out by type in a bunch of handy, cursed storage jars.¡± ¡°Those evil corpse jars that necromancer made?¡± Becky demanded hotly. ¡°I knew we shouldn¡¯t have let you salvage those!¡± ¡°Well too late! I still have a whole bunch of them¡­ but one fewer than I used to.¡± He grinned a wide and evil smile that was fueled by eager and active hate. ¡°I made one into a bomb. A perfect, devastating, weapon of mass emotion. I¡¯m confident in saying, it was the most powerful sexbomb ever detonated in this, or any reality.¡± ¡°Sexbomb?¡± Amy asked very carefully. ¡°You did say¡­ sexbomb, right?¡± ¡°Oh yeah. Sexbomb!¡± He agreed eagerly. ¡°It was packed with collected sexual magic and emotion. It was all ethically harvested and derived from actual mortal experiences, empowered by contact with extreme magical forces.¡± He grinned even more widely, broadcasting an unnaturally potent smugness that was almost visible in the air. ¡°With a torn and stained naughty nighty, a few tears shed in a moment of honest grief or joy¡­ Add a bit of fae influence and divine meddling, all stirred up in a hormonal soup and packed under awful pressure by my own secret blend of spells and binding curses¡­¡± ¡°So, a sexbomb¡­ an explosive powered by mortal lust?¡± Amy asked, which nearly killed Gary with embarrassment. ¡°Aww¡­ I forgot, my kids are here¡­!¡± He whined. ¡°Papa, grow up.¡± Amy sighed. ¡°All grown up.¡± The big man shook his head and smiled weakly. ¡°Anyway¡­ I detonated my no-no bomb in a place where mortal emotions and Will are dangerously volatile; in the presence of a large group of immortals, demons, fae, lesser divines and three actual gods.¡± His jovial and silly demeanor drained away in a moment, leaving a cold, hard, implacable being in his place for a few terrible seconds. ¡°None of them were able to resist my power in that place. Now they are no longer immortal, or really, in existence as the beings they were. Mortal incarnation, you see.¡± ¡°You killed them?¡± Amy asked softly. ¡°You killed Craft, Order and War? With a sexbomb?¡± The foolish, warm and silly man snapped back into existence at his daughter¡¯s question. ¡°No, baby¡­ I made them mortal, in a place where mortal flesh cannot endure. Then I launched what was left of them into the Devourer of Souls, to be incarnated as normal mortal beings, on my old homeworld where there is no magic at all¡­¡± He paused for a moment and gave it some thought. ¡°I suppose, saying it out loud¡­ Yeah, I totally murdered those guys! Not just them, though! They had a whole bunch of cronies and flunkies with them, all those assholes went along for the ride. A whole army of shitty immoral and selfish little piggies who thought I would roll over and obey¡­¡± He deluged the listeners with another wave of supernatural smugness, it poured out from his aura, brimming over with self satisfaction and amusement at his greatest prank. ¡°I took every single hollow one in the universe with me, as well. The whole damn species. That¡¯s a genocide I can stand behind with pride.¡± In the minute that followed, only the purring of kitten Shiro on Amy¡¯s lap could be heard in the crowded inn by the shore. The tall blonde form of Sara stood up a moment later and spoke to the group. ¡°All right you clowns. I hate using these things but why not.¡± Sarah grumbled, as she fumbled around in her bag. After a few seconds she produced a white cloth object, which turned out to be a wide headband with an orange lens on a hinge, allowing it to be lowered over one eye. ¡°This is a scouter module, the cult of light uses them to search for magical creatures, magical effects and people with power.¡± She placed the device on her brow and lowered the lens to her left eye. Sarah carefully fixed her gaze on each member of the group in turn, starting with Gary. ¡°Unranked¡­ your power level is fifty, that¡¯s high for a normie. You have the faint residue of power around you, but sorry pal, you are a D rank entity, a baseline human.¡± She declared firmly, before turning on Becky with a smile. ¡°S rank! I suspected you were potent but that¡¯s surprising!¡± The woman went through the group declaring her readings from the device with increasing pleasure. ¡°...Another S rank, Liam was it? Splendid!¡± She finished with the big, gangly horse and his bonded companion, Lindsey. ¡°C rank, power level two hundred, but your power is only just blossoming, my dear! You are a lovely little box of treasures, aren¡¯t you!¡± She smiled smugly and turned her attention back to the big, silly man at the heart of the matter. ¡°See? Of them all, you are the weakest being here! Your little bug familiar is far stronger than you¡­ where is the other one? I want to read her power level as well.¡± ¡°¡±Oh, yes, just a moment¡­¡± Amy turned her head and called into the fireplace across the room. ¡°Mariah, are you awake, dear?¡± A second or two later, that fiery moth winged girl fluttered out of the hearth and alighted on the fool¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Heya, what¡¯s with that goofy looking hat?¡± She asked with a yawn. ¡°This measures your current and potential energy levels, little bug.¡± Sarah cooed softly. ¡°I just want to look at you through this lens, it won¡¯t hurt at all.¡± The little being shrugged and sat on her perch, kicking her heels. ¡°Will this take long? I¡¯m sleepy.¡± ¡°Not at all, just let me engage the lens¡­¡± She peered at the tiny creature through her monocle until her brow furrowed. ¡°Unranked¡­ Your status is D and your power level¡­ Over nine thousand?!¡± She gasped in surprise and shock. ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± Sarah snapped at last. ¡°Tomorrow morning, I¡¯m re-opening this damned dungeon and you loons can either challenge it, or depart.¡± She stomped off for the baths, grumbling and complaining loudly. ¡°I¡¯m a bloody dungeon lord¡­! No respect!¡± # Gary and the gang watched her go in silence. Most of them were still digesting the whole ¡®sexbomb¡¯ thing with some difficulty. That was quite a mouthful, lad¡­¡± Shai whispered just a little too loudly. ¡°It¡¯s a lot to swallow¡­¡± Ivy muttered in a voice loud enough to be heard all over the room. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s a long, hard story¡­ pretty girthy too.¡± Becky added. ¡°Now friends¡­¡± Shai began earnestly. ¡°Tis a delicate matter, best we explore his tenderest secrets gently¡­¡± She began to giggle just a little, as she turned on Gary at the end. ¡°Ye may feel some pressure and a little pain, my lad.¡± ¡°I know, right?¡± He enthused with the group. ¡°I¡¯m really happy with how well it worked¡­ and the jokes write themselves!¡± He paused mid-chuckle and took on a thoughtful expression. ¡°It feels like I¡¯m forgetting something, though.¡± # Sarah unwound her sash and finally unclasped her bra in the changing room. The thing was magically comfy, but there was something about letting it all hang out that was just satisfying. She slowly and gently rubbed her breasts, because it felt like the right thing to do, after releasing the girls. With just as much eagerness, she ditched the thong as well. Whatever spells the dwarven smutcaster had enspelled the little scrap with, had made it supernaturally well fitted¡­ Having a silk cord running up box-canyon was a new and not entirely positive experience, but not that negative, either. ¡°It should have rubbed my arsehole raw¡­¡± She muttered in surprise, while lathering herself up in the bathing room. Getting clean; really clean was a luxury she hadn¡¯t experienced in a long time and the glimpses of the hotspring baths she¡¯d already gotten spurred her on. Soaking in a vast, outdoor spring was too irresistible an idea, no matter how crack brained these idiots might be. Her wet footfalls on the smooth pavers around the pool echoed weakly in the steamy garden, as she slipped into the hot, swirling, green water with a desperate sigh of pleasure. The tension of maintaining her vessel eased immediately, as she slowly relaxed and let everything drift away on the herbal and mineral scented steam. Lost in timeless ease and absolute relaxation, Sarah surrendered all track of time and everything, as she floated on the swirling water. ¡°Guys¡­ wasn¡¯t Sara in here?¡± She heard the young dark girl with the sweet voice ask. ¡°I feel her in the bath, but she¡¯s not here.¡± ¡°I dunno, Amy¡­ maybe she¡¯s diving deep.¡± Another female voice answered, this one a little low and warm. ¡°Is that an octopus in the bath?¡± It was that blonde mage Ivy, she decided, her eyes still closed in blissful repose. ¡®I¡¯m right here.¡¯ She said, without producing any audible sound, since a tiny yellow, blue ringed octopus had no way to produce human speech. ¡®Oh, shit! I don¡¯t have a body!¡¯ He shouted in surprise and anger, by shifting his primary color to a bright, screaming red. ¡®Now things are getting complicated¡­¡¯ # The whole crew peered into the big round jar their guest the ¡®dungeon lord¡¯ was swimming around in and gaped like a pack of rubes. ¡°It¡¯s two bits to stare at the freak!¡± She scolded them sharply, with a few rapid color changes and a bit of body language. It was useless, of course. Nobody human could or would speak octopus, what would be the point? ¡°Back off gang. Sarah needs a little space, she¡¯s feeling vulnerable right now.¡± The big fool shooed his gaggle of idiots away and sat down in front of her jar. ¡°I speak octopus, Sarah. We can talk.¡± He muttered quietly. ¡°Try and keep it low key please, my son¡¯s girlfriend already thinks I¡¯m a world class weirdo.¡± ¡°If you speak octopus, she¡¯s probably right.¡± The octopus answered. ¡°And I¡¯m a guy, so I guess you can call me Ace, Sarah seems to have disappeared on me.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot to warn you. My pool will dissolve any matter that isn¡¯t protected by a living Animus.¡± He shrugged helplessly at the jarred cephalopod. ¡°Your zombie body was alive enough to fool people, but you can¡¯t fool the Devourer of Souls, they are pretty much the beginning and end of all things.¡± ¡°That¡¯s marvelous, you loon, but now what will I use for a body?¡± He demanded as fiercely as a bottled octopus could. ¡°I have a few of my old toys lying around, but I want to consult an expert before we do anything more¡­ invasive. We have to call in my brother.¡± He took a stretch as he stood, then collected her jar in his arms. ¡°Let¡¯s go outside and call him in; it should be fully dark now.¡± # Ward reclined in the bath, as alone as he ever could be in the forest of dryads¡­ Which meant he had Greenbriar and Wisteria in his arms, snuggling close and mostly asleep. He gently wriggled free of the clinging ladies and entangled them with each other, while he slipped over to the other side of the enormous rock lined spring. With a flex of his will, the luminous, sparkling orb of that wayward soul drifted to him from under the branches of a flowering dogwood tree. The fragile seeming soap bubble of iridescent, glimmering light leapt to his hand and moulded itself into his grip eagerly. The little thing wanted to be, it had a Will and a fragment of its remnant Animus but little else beyond a stubborn will to live on. On a whim, the young god tucked it into his shadow to mature for a while, floating among the vast number of mortal souls fermenting and churning away in there. In that swirling soup of disembodied minds and souls that were unprepared for the next step, the little light might just become something interesting¡­ A soft splash and a gentle ripple warned Ward that he had incoming, but it was too late. They were on him in a flash, leaping from concealment in his momentary distraction. Crabapple latched her slender arms around his waist and clung with tenacious fury, while Dogwood and Grape pinned his arms. ¡°Well, well, well¡­!¡± Sequoia whispered softly, as her enormous hand closed on his shoulder. ¡°Were you planning on slipping away on another of your sneaky little ¡®missions¡¯ for the Joker¡¯s pack of cards?¡± ¡°Uh, no, darling, I was just contemplating this interesting soul I found¡­¡± He mumbled and stammered, fishing in his shadow for the slippery little thing. It sensed his distress and was hiding away, the cheek of the little guy! ¡°Come on, Ticklefoot¡­ Help me out here!¡± He whispered desperately. ¡°Nope. you¡¯re coming with us¡­ We have a mossy little glade all picked out and we¡¯ve drawn lots for the order.¡± The statuesque, red skinned woman murmured from her awe inspiring height. Her lips crashed down on him like a dead fall branch, stunning him. He lost his senses for a while, or so he pretended, as the beautiful dryads dragged away and ravished his poor, trembling, giggling body. ¡°No, Hornbeam, don¡¯t touch me there!¡± He squealed, while arching his back up, to press his navel closer to her kiss; lost in the delight of the game and the pleasure of their company and touch... He pitty-patted at the lustful tree maidens, ¡®fending them off¡¯ with ¡®all his might¡¯, even though all but Sequoia were from the understory. The sweet, sexy understory, where the ladies were not so tall, but the bounty of nature was most fulsome and generous. Crabapple¡¯s slim, pale body and white blonde hair whipped across his face, as she slipped in for a deep and lingering kiss, drawing an ecstatic moan from the ¡®torture victim spread eagle on the mossy lawn, pinned down by his gleeful foes. ¡°We are going to leave you wrecked, Fig boy¡­¡± Crabbie whispered, her voice husky and just a bit tart in his ear, while her breath smelt of blossoms and sweet summer dew. ¡°But, I¡®m just a poor wanderer¡­ lost in this beautiful forest¡­¡± He whimpered in the brief moment his lips were free. ¡°This is the fate of the foolish and unwary, in these woodlands¡­¡± Strangler Fig whispered, fully engaged in their roleplay, as she slowly entwined herself around him, smothering his pitiful cries of pleasure and distress. Before she could drop her most sensitive places over his silly, foolish face to silence that wicked, deceitful tongue, his form began to fade and diminish beneath them. ¡°No fair, Ward!¡± Strangles the Ficus maiden cried, the hurt plain in her soft, whispery voice. ¡°Oh, no! Shit! Sorry babes! Not my fault! I¡¯m being summoned, darlings¡­¡± The tall, muscular god grumbled angrily as he began fading from the forest glade of delights he¡¯d been carried off to. ¡°Drat the timing! Wait right there, ladies! I¡¯ll be back in a jiffy!¡± # And Not To Roll Ch: 38 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance And Not To Roll Ch: 38 The little octopus creature found itself floating in what amounted to an old pickling jar, sitting on the corner of the bar. He¡­ or she, felt like one of those creepy bar snacks that locals try to trick tourists into eating. Whether he was Sarah, Ace, or the faintly remembered Gary Ward of so long ago, his mind was all muddled and confused¡­ and the damn weirdos were not helping. With a gut full of Sarah¡¯s half digested memories and thoughts swirling and mixing with the remnants of Ace and so many others over the long years, reality was feeling a little shaky to begin with. Having her fresh new body vanish out from under her without even a mild jolt or a moment¡¯s discomfort shook things up even more. He spent a few minutes staring out the side of his jar, just watching the strangers cavort and dance together. The instruments the youngsters played stirred even more memories from his darkest depths. Their shapes, tones and most importantly, the music they played together summoned memories he¡¯d suppressed so long ago. A tiny, venomous octopus, lost in an endless tropical sea had little time for music or dreams of a surface life among the trees. Surviving had been his priority for so long, when he finally found his ¡®talent¡¯ for taking over the bodies of vertebrate beasts, with his paralytic venom. The trick was getting into the victim¡¯s braincase, to take the place of the prior occupant without doing too much damage to the body. Devouring all the thinking and reasoning parts, while leaving the autonomous functions untouched had been tricky at first¡­ and super frightening. There had been no one to instruct him, nor really much of anything going on where and when he landed on the sunny, shallow reef, unknowably far from home. His new species was the only sentient life native to this little pocket world and though they were intelligent, creative, cooperative and ruled the sunlit shallows and warm reefs; they had no civilization worthy of the name. They hatched from egg clusters hidden under rocky overhangs or shallow caves, watched over by their parents, as the elders died and the tiny new lives wriggled out into the open sea. They emerged fully formed, as tiny sentient adults, bearing the race memories of their people in their tiny bodies. His kind lived for a single turning of the seasons and perished within hours or days of their broods¡¯ emergence¡­ Theirs was a tranquil and unexamined existence, untroubled by deep thoughts, war or politics. To cavort in the surf for a brief lifetime, hunting, mating and finally, to watch as the next generation arrived, seemed enough for the rest of his kin. He¡¯d appeared just as suddenly as any of his contemporaries, also fully formed, floating free in the shallows, with almost none of the racial memories his ¡®peers¡¯ possessed. Instead, he held the strange and damaged mind of an alien primate, struggling to comprehend his new life. The reality of his situation landed hard, as his few friends and contemporaries; fellow blue ringed buddies he had developed ties with in his short time with them, each paired up and completed the cycle of life with their mates, as the storms of spring subsided and summer came to the reef. They all departed together for the next life, leaving him with a fresh batch of grief, loss¡­ and their teeming broods, swimming on his little patch of reef. The hatchlings immediately began looking up to him in wonder, as a venerable elder and asking for guidance. The cute little rascals needed what help he could give; but long term, that was way too much responsibility for a guy still trying to figure out the whole ¡®reborn as a tiny sea creature¡¯ thing. So, feeling weak and a little selfish, he kept his distance from the new brood, helping them where he could and providing some guidance early on. Eventually they began pairing up, which he had less than no interest in. Even the cutest octopus girls failed to arouse him at all. He quietly swam away on his own, when the time came for the next generation to appear. They would have to fend for themselves, as would he. His kin possessed little curiosity or interest in the world around them, but he felt a burning desire to see more, learn more and explore, so he swam away, seeking land, or maybe just a more interesting reef to hang out on for a while. Eventually, the small creature ran out of shallows, reefs and almost atolls and was forced to brave the deeps. Swimming over the endless depths, headed for who knows what had been terrifying, but fortunately uneventful. It was a long and frightening journey, squirting himself along the surface, just below the waves with his eyes constantly searching for predators. Eventually he crossed into a warm, shallow gulf, with a string of low islands in the distance, calling him over with waving palm fronds and comfy shallows. He swam for them, lost in giddy excitement and eager to see new things, whatever they might be. That was when he¡¯d found his ¡®talent¡¯ for brain eating and body snatching. His first time had been with a particularly insistent moray eel. It had decided to eat him a few hours after he¡¯d arrived on his new reef, sparking a short, desperate battle for survival. Gary lost an inch of one of his tentacles to the flashing jaws that rocketed from a dark hole in the reef. Swift, hungry and stupidly confident, the long, muted gray ambush predator snapped at him just a moment too late. The eel¡¯s wicked, hooked teeth were for piercing and holding prey, not shearing flesh. If it got a bite, he would get gulped down in just a few quick strikes of that viciously fanged maw. In a desperate panic, Gary jetted along the seafloor, dashing through the reef, pushing his body to the limits to slip around behind a brain coral and sting his pursuer just once, right in the cloaca. That was all it took; seconds later, the long, slippery bastard was floating in a loose, messy tangle on the bottom, paralyzed completely by his venom. A number of hungry mouths responded to the flurry of activity and the small amount of blood spilled into the water, so the exhausted fellow hid in the gaping maw of his foe. The lesser fishes were reluctant to approach the massive eel, even if it was immobile, but they lingered, waiting to see if there was a free meal on offer. Trapped inside the beast¡¯s fang filled mouth, he administered a fresh dose of his venom to his terrifying shelter, when it began to twitch again. Eventually, the waiting nibblers started to close in, so Gary acted out of desperation, seeking shelter in the beast¡¯s thick skull¡­ The brain in there wasn¡¯t doing much, beyond taking up space, so he took a taste, once he found a passage inside, near the base of the skull. Electric shocks, a weird metallic flavor and sudden flashes of moray eel thoughts and ideas filled his mind, as he munched and wriggled deeper in. He made a space big enough to fit his boneless body in and slowly began exploring the topography of his temporary home. When a tentacle touched an intact section of brainstem, the energy inside rushed over him in a wave, bringing a crushing darkness down on him suddenly. Gary woke, swimming along the bottom, in the half alive body of the eel; battered, confused, numb and in shock at the sudden development. He had few memories of how exactly he¡¯d wound up inhabiting his first zombie body and little to go on. Weeks of trial and error later, he was a greater black reef shark, ten feet of tough, hungry fish, guided through the sea by a hidden interloper, stashed neatly away inside the giant predator¡¯s skull. It had taken a decade at least, to finally make the leap to a land dwelling creature; He was pretty unsure of the timing, keeping track of days and nights was tough under the sea and a low priority among the corals and ever shifting sands. A fanged and horned monkey monster had changed everything, when the beast grabbed him up from a sunny tide-pool he had been exploring in his own form. The hideous, six eyed, scaled and furred beast had been intent on eating the venomous little thing he¡¯d found floating there. A moment later its grotesque body was sprawled on the sand, eyes wide and twitching, while changing ownership. Digesting all of the victim¡¯s thoughts and memories had been no problem¡­ when he¡¯d been occupying a nearly endless parade of fish, sharks, eels and rays. Their simple, beast brains had held little of interest or consequence. The almost sentient chimp monster had a bloodthirsty and wicked little mind, after a fashion. The beast¡¯s half formed consciousness and fully developed desire for meat, blood and the sensation of rending flesh had energized some of those more primitive, animal ideas and urges in Gary, sending him on a quest for a less feeble and chaotic body to occupy. That furry wretch had saved his sanity, as the feeling of the sun on his little body and the taste of air brought his almost forgotten humanity rushing back at last. Snug in the horrid little beast¡¯s body, the animal¡¯s lungs did his breathing, it ate to sustain them both and generally took most of the drudgery out of evolving onto a land based form. Learning how to walk and move in a more humanoid form took little effort, thanks to those tasty brains; while brachiating and moving among the trees felt almost like flying. If only he could find a living bird that had a big enough skull¡­ # Gary took the jar of octopus out onto the patio and set his tentacled, tiny brother down on a garden table under the soft light of myriad alien stars and the flickers of glowbugs, fireflies and other nocturnal illuminators, dancing in the newborn night. The fool sat down on a bench beside the makeshift aquarium, with an acoustic guitar in his hands. A sweet, slightly ponderous and weighty melody trickled from the strings, as Gary began making music and speaking. Of the fool he had seemed to be, there was no sign; this fellow was self assured, confident and in control. He gave directions firmly and with absolute confidence they would be followed, but also very gently. Some leaders¡¯ commands struck like a foeman¡¯s weapon; landing heavily on their followers, shaking the troops¡¯ pride and Will. The man¡¯s tranquil orders alighted softly and instilled a resolve in each of his followers, a light that grew and bloomed, as the dungeon lord watched. ¡°Dannyl¡­ lead guitar, please. I¡¯m super rusty, so I¡¯ll handle rhythm. Everybody else¡­ you know where this is headed.¡± He smiled as his stream of musical notes tightened up into a stirring melody, filled with portent and laden with emotional baggage. Even after so long beneath the waves, roaming the shores and trying to forget the confusing, painful memories that haunted his dreams, it all came rushing back, with the first few bars of Blue ?yster cult¡¯s ¡®Don¡¯t Fear The Reaper¡¯. #This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡°Do you think he¡¯ll really come?¡± Larry asked Harry, as they rolled toward the first tempo change. ¡°Do you think he can help himself? He¡¯s a silly, goofy chunni with near limitless reach and power. He can¡¯t not show up¡­ And unless I miss my guess, he¡¯ll be¡­¡± Harry was cut off mid-slander, by the sudden and inexplicable appearance of a man who could be Gary¡¯s sexier twin, stepping out of the fool¡¯s shadow, as if it were a doorway to another place. ¡°In a costume.¡± The young man sighed. The new Gary was a little taller, a little leaner and supernaturally handsome, with a smile that gleamed bright white, even though his face was largely cast in shadow. He was dressed all in black, from his shiny leather shoes, to the tall, stovepipe hat perched atop his head. Only a brilliantly white shirt collar and a thin ribbon bow tie of scarlet silk peeking from his snug fitted jacket and vest of black wool relieved his monochrome look. He swept a dashing bow to the gathered company and guests, before beginning to sing along. The man took up the song, his voice stronger, more perfectly refined and effortless, compared to boring, regular Gary, who faded into the background, leaving the new fellow fronting the family band. The creepy, frontier funeral director finished his song, driving the crescendo home with a plaintive and heartfelt cry. Come on baby! Don¡¯t fear the reaper! ¡°Whew! That¡¯s a wild ride, bro!¡± He smiled with those intimidating, oddly sharp, white teeth and embraced the dull and dusty version of himself holding the acoustic guitar at the back of the band. ¡°Thanks for calling me brother, but your timing¡­¡± ¡°Uncle Ward!¡± Amy shouted, as she launched herself into his arms. With her face pressed into his chest, the dark and beautiful girl sighed and mumbled up at her uncle. ¡°That octopus in the jar needs to meet you first. Feel free to be yourself, please.¡± The blue clad girl extracted herself and dashed back to her new friends. She smiled at Gandree and Daisybelle with genuine affection and whispered softly in their ears. ¡°He¡¯ll be mellowed out, once he¡¯s done with the octoputz; after that, you guys should get uncle Ward on easy mode.¡± # The discussion between the silent, jarred octopus and the man in old west undertaker cosplay was not going well at all. ¡°...Oh, yes indeed, I¡¯m a god! Well, I¡¯m still considered a lesser divine, because my cult is so small. But I¡¯m the local god of Death, Vengeance and Golden Figs¡­¡± He smiled expectantly at the jarred, jiggly jerk, who seemed unimpressed. ¡°Yeah, you had it rough, I get it! I Really do. I got sacrificed right out of the gate; my living heart was cut out of me while I was still being born into this world, by a shitty demon cult¡­¡± He complained bitterly at the creature in the jar. ¡°Their ritual went sideways and blew up, so I spent around six hundred years as a tortured haunt, trapped in my own petrified heart, unable to leave or interact with the physical world, all alone¡­¡± He paused there, smiling at the crowd of faces gathered around. ¡°Until my bro, Gary and his friends helped me out and showed me the way.¡± The tiny aquatic creature flashed a few colors and waved its tentacles around some, drawing an outraged scoff from the self proclaimed god. ¡°Well, I don¡¯t care! You need to respect your elders, or else get tied in a knot.¡± He grumbled sourly at the eight armed nuisance and turned on boring Gary. ¡°This is stupid¡­ You still have blue-boy, right? Your gangly wooden corpse puppet? Of course you do, you¡¯re a bloody hoarder! Go get it and dress this chump in a body.¡± Gary blushed and nodded at the more handsome version of himself that was busting his chops. ¡°Yes, divine lord!¡± He groveled rather convincingly at Ward¡¯s feet. ¡°Thy will be done!¡± He gave a dramatic, theatrical bow and vanished, still professing his faithfulness and praising the new guy with ecstatic religious zeal and devotion. The whole thing was completely tongue in cheek, a put up, a silly parody of religiosity performed for Ace¡¯s benefit, for some mad reason of his own. When the gathered people looked back to the compelling and fascinating man who claimed to be a god, standing beside the jarred seafood; a tall, mysterious coffin inexplicably stood nearby. Covered in arcane glyphs and intricate sigils, the body-box loomed behind the little octopus, sinister and ominous. It had appeared suddenly and without anyone noticing, which was pretty upsetting behavior for a coffin covered with arcane glyphs, inscriptions and sutras. Ward swept over to the box and carefully opened the lid, revealing a strange, scrawny, wooden humanoid body, suspended on silken cords and lacquered a bright, cheerful blue. ¡°Amy picked the color, she has great taste!¡± Becky whispered to Kermal, who nodded in sober agreement. ¡°He would have painted it black or scary red and yellow flames.¡± The knight whispered. ¡°Such a chunni¡­ Wait, what¡¯s he saying?¡± # The handsome deity had the blue doll¡¯s arm freed from the coffin, dangling in the mouth of the open jar, entreating the octopus to climb up and onto the doll. ¡°...I know it¡¯s not a real body! I didn¡¯t make it, I don¡¯t know¡­ I¡¯m a god, not a wizard; ask Gary about all that, it just works!¡± Ward snapped angrily. ¡°Do you think I¡¯m going to just kidnap someone so you can eat their brain? No chance! This is your option; put it on.¡± He grumbled. ¡°I had to wear this for a while when I first got here and it feels fine, you¡¯ll get used to it.¡± He flipped open a small hatch in the thing¡¯s breastplate and indicated the cavity inside. ¡°Go on. Trust me, it works.¡± # Lindsey, Gandree and the four triplets watched in mingled fascination and horror, as the slippery creature wriggled into the snug little compartment and used a tentacle to flip the hatch closed with a slam. Daisybell was smiling excitedly and bouncing on her butt, which was on the dwarf¡¯s lap, as usual. ¡°Ooo!¡± She murmured. ¡°A puppet? That is interesting¡­¡± ¡°Papa made that a long time ago, for a situation very like this one.¡± Amy whispered. ¡°He put a lost and damaged soul in there so that it could heal and would be able to be born properly, on whatever world it was destined to land on.¡± Becky joined the whispered convo, adding in her thoughts. ¡°That puppet is way more than just wooden arms and legs, it¡¯s a soul phylactery that has been touched by some truly powerful magical and demonic forces.¡± She smiled sweetly at her uncle Ward, who was still arguing with the cephalopod. ¡°Ward left a dollop of his essence in there, when he became an immortal and was reborn as a god.¡± Becky smiled sweetly at the gathered friends and nodded with amusement. ¡°Brace for stupidity, we¡¯re in for a tempest of dumb, gale force idiocy.¡± ¡°My papa makes the best toys.¡± Amy sighed, as the blue puppet stirred into life. # The confused octopus opened its eyes, even though the faceless wooden mask had none at all. He could see with far greater focus and fidelity than any body he¡¯d yet tried, including some colors and wavelengths most humanoids missed out on. Hearing started up just a moment later, with excellent quality and two ears. Usually, half of the auditory apparatus would get trashed on his way into the braincase; when possible, he tried to leave it intact¡­ but there were only so many ways into a skull. Scent and touch booted up in short order, faint tendrils of magic guiding his tentacles to the imitation cerebral nodes and false ganglia arranged in the snug, comfy chest compartment. ¡°What the hell? This thing really works?¡± The entity demanded, in a hollow, raspy voice. ¡°Yes, it does. Speak more slowly and gently until you get a handle on the vocal apparatus, it can be tricky¡± The boring version of Gary Ward gently murmured. ¡°That was really loud.¡± ¡°How?¡± Ace rasped a little more softly. ¡°You aren¡¯t the first being we¡¯ve encountered that had to overcome certain deficits in their physicality.¡± He answered with a mad grin. ¡°The prior occupants helped me refine and improve this little wonder, so now it¡¯s basically a robot mech that spirits and other beings capable of possessing a foreign body can use to interact with the physical world, without having to murder or possess anyone.¡± He grinned happily and clapped his hands with glee, as the wooden being slowly stood on its own legs. ¡°This is a prototype, but it works great so far. I added in full corporeal aquatic respiration and life support as an experiment a few years ago. One of my kids¡¯ childhood playmates is a trans-dimensional jellyfish, she comes to visit once in a while.¡± He smiled with satisfaction and slipped his guitar out of sight, somehow. ¡°It should function for you in every way, except for providing nourishment; I haven¡¯t worked out a digestive system that isn¡¯t a stinking mess.¡± ¡°You made a magical machine for ghosts to drive around?¡± Ace asked carefully. ¡°That¡¯s pretty weird.¡± ¡°Not ghosts, bro. That would be weird! This thing works for spirits, undead, outsiders and fae¡­ and seagoing octopus necromancers. Ghosts are less interested in physicality than you think.¡± The madman said with a smile. ¡°There¡¯s no sense of taste, but the rest of the senses should be functioning already.¡± The superlatively handsome version of Gary Ward smiled for a radiant, beaming moment, attracting the gaze of all the gathered people. ¡°Take it for a walk around the garden and really meet the family, while Gary and I finish our work. This is going to be a real eye opener!¡± # Ace or Sarah shook their new wooden head and settled onto a chair beside Gandree and Daisybelle; joining the pair among their new friends with an exhausted sigh. ¡°This whole thing is absolutely crazy¡­¡± The confused being whispered harshly. ¡°Yup, welcome to our house.¡± Amy replied sweetly. ¡°The place is haunted, magical, imaginary and a sacred temple to a whole bunch of gods. Keep your eyes and ears open if you don¡¯t want to miss the show.¡± She nodded to where the two men, both as alike as twins, were goofing around with the giant hill-woman in the center of the lawn. ¡°It¡¯s happening, pay close attention if you want to really understand.¡± # ¡°All right! I have a hot date, so let¡¯s shake the foundations of the heavens and earth, so I can get back to the important stuff¡­¡± Ward declared with an eager clap of his hands. ¡°Gary, Shai, you two sit back to back, we¡¯re going to use a tandem Mana cultivation practice, combined with a little divine chicanery¡­ to work a miracle. This ritual is low energy, just relax, let your Mana mingle as you meditate and just follow the bouncing ball.¡± As he spoke, his voice slowly became a monotone chant, free of fluctuations in pitch or volume. In a single, endless breath, he began a whispered cadence that carried on and on, inaudible to the listeners outside the circle, aside from a low, buzzing drone and the occasional phrase. ¡°...Mana is Light and Life in its essential form, guided by Will, Mind and Spirit, anything is possible¡­¡± For long minutes the whispered voice of a god sang a rhymeless song on a world that was unprepared for a divine presence. He extemporised a smooth, mellow word salad, a pseudo mystical sutra to confound the ears and release conscious thought from mortal constraints. As the two inside the circle fell into his chant and began whispering along, all existence began to thrum and shake, without disturbing the water or wildlife. Non sentients and unliving matter couldn¡¯t perceive the jiggly waves that shimmied and jumbled across the world, disrupting some subtle, delicate balances and breaking reality¡¯s rules, just a little. The sweeping undulations in¡­ everything felt like beating a dusty rug. If the rug were everything, including the rug-beater and the person wielding it. The world¡¯s foundations trembled and shed a few spiritual irregularities that were clogging up the usual processes. ¡°¡­Draw deep from within and seek the endless void of the sky, pierce the veil and reveal the sacred Eye of Night to this realm¡­¡± Ward¡¯s voice rose louder, becoming clear and ringing out like a mighty brazen bell, striking the hour of doom. ¡°Open! Let my gaze fall on this land! Open! Bring death and final rest to my children!¡± He fell silent, as the echoes of his voice continued rolling over the sea with a physical presence. From high above, a sharp, crystalline crack resounded over the island, as a thin fissure of bright, warm, faintly golden, green light appeared, high above the sea. ¡°Sweet! Now it¡¯s party time!¡± # A few divines became nervous and uncomfortable, when Ward pranced into the scene in Marduk¡¯s little clown-show. That he was a new god, young even by mortal standards was upsetting enough¡­ His status as a former mortal and odd ways, gave even the most accepting and easygoing divines second and third thoughts; especially his ability to visit the mortal world in person. That was weird. When the performance began, the audience relaxed, since even the mad god of Death and Vengeance couldn¡¯t do much in a little pocket dimension bound to the distant fringes of the prime world¡­ The sounds and sensations on the screen in Marduk¡¯s little theatre shook the whole house, before gradually spreading out from that lonely pinnacle to cover the entire moon; jiggling and trembling in frequencies that the divines felt from deep within. Something was coming, something new and strange, but in many ways, oddly familiar as well. High above, constellations, galaxies and nebulae started to shift and swirl, as the globe they stood on began to turn and change its orientation just a few degrees. Those odd ripples in the substance of the little green moon subsided, while the starry firmament slowly whirled and spun. Eventually, the sky resolved into its familiar constellations, with the addition of a faintly luminous fissure in the void, directly over the Strange High House in the Mist. ¡°Oh, shit, shit, shit!¡± Thirp chattered and squeaked, her usually mellow and refined voice harsh and shrill in the ears of the stunned divines in the common room. ¡°Now they¡¯ve done it!¡± She climbed up the nearest wall and slipped into the darkest corner she could find, among the rafters and hanging bundles of dried herbs, long forgotten by those who once dwelt there. ¡°Calm down¡­ It¡¯s fine!¡± Marduk called into the shadows, where she had taken her original aspect, becoming a thirty pound jumping spider with fine plush brown fur and twinned lightning bolts of pale golden blonde on her abdomen. ¡°This is not a problem, come down Thirp. I promise it¡¯s ok.¡± Slowly she crept back out of the shadows; convinced in large part by Joy, who was standing below her hiding spot, with her arms held open for an embrace. Thirp descended on a dropline slowly, resuming her more humanoid form as she landed in Joy¡¯s welcoming arms. ¡®Not all new things are troublesome, sweet Thirp.¡¯ The goddess¡¯ gentle caress spoke silently in her essence, soothing her and bringing a sense of confidence and surety that she couldn¡¯t deny. ¡®This one is pretty weird, though.¡¯ Joy silently whispered with a tentative caress of Thirp¡¯s cephalothorax. # The Forbidden Riff Ch: 39 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance The Forbidden Riff Ch: 39 The little yellow, blue ringed octopus that was Gary Ward stared up at the wide, star strewn sky, so familiar, but now with a faint, glimmering crack in the midst of the starfield, directly overhead. There was something soothing about the light that rained down from that fissure in the limitless heavens, calling him to step out from beneath the trees and bathe in the lambent glow. His new, construct body felt light and agile, with all the range of motion and most of the senses fully operational and delightfully familiar. He seamlessly meshed with the device, becoming a part of the odd magical mecha, within a few minutes of putting it on. ¡°Can I¡­ touch you?¡± Gandree asked breathlessly, staring at the being¡¯s chest with a strange look in his eyes. ¡°I need to see and touch you¡­ so beautiful¡­¡± ¡°Whoa there kid! Slow down!¡± Ace rasped, still unsure with the vocal apparatus built into his new body. ¡°I¡¯m a dude¡­¡± ¡°He¡¯s not talking to you uncle Ace.¡± Daisybelle sighed wistfully. ¡°He just wants your body. King papa gets like this when he sees new magical thingies or musical instruments.¡± She shrugged and smiled at her infatuated boy. He was busily sketching a line of tiny runes and sigils inscribed on the inside of the doll¡¯s forearm. Like the veins and arteries beneath a human¡¯s skin, they wound all over its ¡®skin¡¯, nearly invisible under the lacquer finish of the doll. ¡°Just let him drool all over you for a while and take some notes.¡± The little goblin lass muttered, amusement and happiness evident in her voice and smile. She was snuggled halfway into Flash¡¯s mane and was busily scritching under the jaw like she was getting paid overtime for the job. ¡°Ooo! Good horsie!¡± She purred merrily, lost on planet pretty pet pony. Ace had a lot to think about and he kinda liked Daze¡¯s goofy kid, so he nodded his featureless helmet and sat still, while the boy studied the workmanship of the thing in excruciating and often embarrassing detail. The hapless mollusc in a magical robot body sighed and resigned himself to whatever was coming next. Ace was a self taught mage, exploring magical forces by instinct and struggling to get consistent results, no matter how hard he studied, meditated or practiced the arts¡­ only one field of magic answered his call. Necromancy hadn¡¯t been his first choice, frankly he¡¯d just been trying to stay alive in a crazy world where nothing he knew was true¡­ Unless it was something useless to a boneless cephalopod with a human¡¯s memories stuffed into its brain. These clownish buffoons were doing things that, even in the heyday of his dungeon, none of his Adventurers had been able to approach. The body he currently occupied outstripped any magical artifact or construct he¡¯d ever even heard of. The intricate craft of the thing told his senses exactly what he was hiding in, even as the dwarf tried to learn its secrets from the outside. Unlike dungeon spawned magical items, this thing was a product of human hands and Will. Every line, every curve and inscription was a carefully crafted work of art; lost in the spells, he stared in fascination at his left hand for a solid three minutes, marveling at the detail and artistry of the thing¡­ He sighed and stopped woolgathering, as the first notes of a hauntingly familiar tune came ringing from his mad doppelganger''s guitar. ¡®Oh, sweet! Zeppelin!¡¯ He thought eagerly, as more musicians joined the fray. # Dull, boring Gary was back at the front of the band, tuning a mandolin, while Ward slipped out of sight in the shadows. The strange being almost reappeared a moment later, bathed in a shaft of rich, golden light that was slightly diffuse and gloriously warm. The golden beam cast the long, dark shadow of the man over the watchers, thrown by no visible source, just blazing, radiant light. The figure was tall, slim and bore a truly impressive head of shadowy curls that danced in the light, creating a corona of glory and charisma around the man¡¯s shadowed face. Those shadow ringlets became gray, then dark brown, limned in a golden halo, as Ward stepped from nowhere, wearing impossibly tight, low slung pants and a snug vest. He rose from the sourceless shadow and equally inexplicable light, stepping forth fully formed in a few short seconds. ¡°Tonight, we¡¯re violating copyright! Forgive me rock gods! Robert, Jimmy and the two Johns¡­ We need to borrow your Stairway.¡± He glanced at the small, red haired explorer and received a nod from behind Dannyl¡¯s Wardco? Stratoblaster. ¡°Play it, Dannyl¡­ The Forbidden Riff.¡± He declared, his voice ringing with some deep and sincere meaning that chimed and swelled with the music. There''s a lady who''s sure, all that glitters is gold¡­ And she''s buying a stairway to Heaven! # Gandree knew the song instinctively, feeling its tempo changes and chord progressions deep inside. Even the fascinating craft of the strange blue puppet body couldn¡¯t distract him from the siren call of classic rock. His guitar slipped out to join the band without any conscious decision of his own. Daisybelle had her ogre skull drum out, dancing with the red haired giantess and cavorting on the lawn among the family of mad musical loons. She had surrendered to the music and dance, finding a kindred soul in Shai, whose hips and violin were a huge part of the situation unfolding in the starlit garden. The dwarf smiled and dove into the music, following the giddy and joyful sounds and feelings washing over the little hamlet by the sea. The song stretched out longer, as players took solos, wandered off in the groove or found an opportunity to revisit a favorite verse or two. The unstructured and rambling jam sesh lasted deep into the night, beneath the stars and the slowly widening fissure in the sky. As midnight drew near, a steady, swelling tone began to sound in the ears of every sentient on the island; a low, single note that swelled gently into a clear, bell-like chime that softly shook the world all around. The band let the music fade on that soaring, triumphant note, as two brightly glowing moons emerged from the fissure in the sky¡­ Or perhaps the firmament itself split and spread, like a vast pair of eyelids that had opened at last. ¡°It¡¯s like, when you finally unclasp her bra, revealing the beautiful orbs hidden within¡­¡± Liam gasped softly, while his strings were still resonating, lost in magic, music and passion. ¡°I really need to get home to my wife.¡± The count whispered with a smile. As the group slowed and fell silent, a sensation of being watched, or rather, being observed by a benign and awesome force, slowly spread out over the island. Every person and familiar felt a sweet, tingling sensation, the warmth of a mothers touch, a lover¡¯s embrace or a father¡¯s warm hug washed over the island in a sudden and anticlimactic rush of potent, but ephemeral energy. ¡°Well, I¡¯m done here, for now.¡± Ward sighed happily, gazing up at the moons soaring in the heavens, as if they¡¯d always been there. ¡°Any outsider, divine or fae being that can enter your house on the Madman¡¯s moon can see and touch this world as of tonight. Things should work out now¡­¡± He took an elaborate stretch and yawn, smiling widely and bouncing on his toes. ¡°I need to get back to my ladies¡­ immortals are patient, but I hate leaving them lonely.¡± ¡°Go on, ya horny bastard.¡± Gary grumbled cheerfully at his brother. ¡°We¡¯ll handle it from here.¡± ¡°What did you do?¡± Ace demanded hoarsely, sounding upset and deeply worried at the same time. ¡°How? why?¡± ¡°How? With magic, bro. Why? Because this whole place is just clogged with fragments of sentient souls.¡± Gary sighed sadly. ¡°Every breath of air, every speck of land and sea is just covered with tiny remnants of the people who¡¯ve lived and died here. Humans, beastkin and others. Every sentient soul that dies here leaves part of itself behind, trapped in the cracks and fissures of this world¡¯s incomplete etheric veil.¡± The strange fellow shook his dead sadly and gazed around at the dark island. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. ¡°As the former, currently defrocked high priest of the god of Death¡­ ¡± He scratched his head and sighed. ¡°Er, of two Death gods, I suppose¡­ I¡¯m double defrocked, which oddly enough makes me even more weird and bizarre than usual. Life is super complicated.¡± He smiled at the group and gave an elaborate, palms upward shrug of helplessness. ¡°I am but a pawn of mightier powers. Anyway, We took it on ourselves to fix this spiritual problem. You¡¯re welcome.¡± He nodded and pointed at the two glowing bodies in the sky, as though that cleared everything up. ¡°The fragmentary ghosts? It¡¯s always been this way.¡± Ace mumbled. ¡°There''s a lot of spiritual static and noise, pretty much everywhere. That¡¯s why I shut down the dungeon. The stupid light cult tried to take over and make this place a monster breeding or magical item crafting facility, I wasn¡¯t having that, not at all.¡± He glared at the gathered weirdos and shook his head at their blank stares. ¡°What?¡± ¡°So you knew about all those poor, fragmented souls, just lingering out there?¡± Dannyl asked quietly, waving his arms to encompass everything, all around. ¡°Pretty messed up, bro. What kind of operation are you running?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not running anything, yet. I shut the dungeon down a few decades after I conquered it. Otherwise this would be a blighted and wasted land, poisoned by the mining and manufacturing of the cult, or buried under a seething tide of monsters.¡± Ace grumbled at the small ginger man. ¡°That¡¯s also why the cult really wants to catch or kill me, too bad for them; I¡¯m a slippery character. Ace was one of their assassins too, The last seven human bodies I¡¯ve taken over have been their cultists or hired killers.¡± ¡°Manufacturing magical items?¡± Gary, Wilf and Gandree all asked together, when he paused for a moment. ¡°Tell us about that, please.¡± Gary murmured excitedly. ¡°What¡¯s the score?¡± The blue puppet leaned back on its chair with a raspy and hoarse sigh. ¡°You seem to be complete rubes, so let¡¯s start at the beginning.¡± He somehow seemed to smile, despite lacking any facial features at all. ¡°I¡¯m the lord of this dungeon world, because I conquered it and the previous dungeon lord retired... That means, until someone manages to defeat me, or I willingly hand the power over, I rule this world on some pretty basic levels.¡± Now the construct really looked like it was grinning¡­ grinning like a smug asshole with its featureless mask. ¡°I can control the weather, on a macro level, alter the landscape in limited ways and manage most of the ways this world develops. It¡¯s a complicated and labor intensive job, but it has its rewards.¡± He swept his featureless gaze over the late night audience and shook his head in mocking dismay. ¡°You don¡¯t even know where you are, do you?¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you fill us in?¡± Liam asked tartly, in his displeased nobleman tone. ¡°You keep claiming to be ¡®dungeon lord¡¯, but all I see is a small, squishy critter.¡± The blue helmet snapped around to glare at the count with limited success, since he lacked a face to properly glower at the young lord. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m small and unthreatening. A harmless little sea beastie¡­ that¡¯s me.¡± He grumbled. The creature sighed and resumed his tale, when Gary cleared his throat at the two men, wordlessly suggesting that they play nice. ¡°You kids have stumbled into the Swarm Dungeon¡­ This world produces a terrifying variety of swarming creatures on its many island levels. Each one presents unique challenges and rewards, to those valiant enough to face their fears.¡± He spread his wooden arms to encompass the little volcanic isle. ¡°This is Iron Wolf island, the starting point for any Adventurer who wishes to face the gauntlet, in search of power, fame and wealth.¡± Ace answered in a grumpy tone of voice. It was hard to tell, since he was still having trouble with the vocal mechanism. ¡°So you lure Adventurers in and kill them?¡± Amy asked sharply. She was up late after a long day, her manners were suffering for it. ¡°No, young lady. I lure Adventurers in and challenge them, I help them grow and instill in them a healthy respect for the perils of their chosen career; a few fatalities are to be expected. Omelets and breaking eggs, you know.¡± Ace answered happily. ¡°At the heart of this world¡­ and every dungeon world, there lies a potential, dormant and still, but waiting to become active. Mortals live, love, are born and die on this world, whether sentient or beasts, just as on any other world.¡± Ace nodded sagely at his attentive audience, he¡¯d expected some nonsense at least, but they seemed to really listen¡­ ¡°The difference is, a soul born here, remains here, unless it can either escape while alive, by exiting into a prime world, or by decaying into a multitude of soul fragments that are small enough to slip out through the porous etheric veil of this world.¡± He nodded sagely as the mages in the group considered his words. ¡°A properly run dungeon brings new souls in, lets current souls out and manages the current glut of fragmentary souls by temporarily incarnating them as monsters.¡± ¡°But why lure Adventurers here?¡± Lindsey asked from under a blanket on the lawn with Barry. ¡°That sounds suspicious!¡± ¡°It totally is, kid. Why do you think there are treasure chests, filled with gold and silver, magical weapons, armor and trinkets? Bait.¡± Ace stood and stretched under the moonlight, while gazing up at the new decorations high above. ¡°This world is struggling and striving too, Just like those Adventurers. It¡¯s trying to become a prime world of its own and it needs the energies and experiences of mortals to achieve that. Every experience and interaction, every battle, betrayal, liaison and alliance that forms on this world provides the mortal energies needed to awaken the core of the world and create a fully functional etheric veil.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Becky asked, suddenly much more interested and alert. ¡°That would mean¡­¡± Ace nodded firmly. ¡°At the core of this world, is the cradle of an infant god.¡± A soft, hushed buzz swept over the little cluster of people in the garden, late at night, as they considered that nugget of info. ¡°See? I do crazy shit too!¡± Ace grumbled at the gathered weirdos. # A hush fell over the gathered immortals, as the unspoken secret they all knew, but seldom if ever acknowledged, even with those they were closest to. Beyond taboo, the truth that had tumbled out into the common room landed heavily and with terrible gravity of its own. ¡°Well, how crass and unpleasant.¡± A tiny, dust brown jackalope muttered sourly, with a wedge of apple between his teeth. ¡°The boy never could keep a secret, no surprise his progeny can¡¯t either.¡± Beast finished his snack and hopped into Joy¡¯s lap, with a satisfied little grunt. He curled up and made himself comfortable, finishing by nudging his little antlered head under the goddess¡¯ palm, encouraging her to begin petting the divinity of all living things, everywhere. ¡°Marduk, please scoot that crudit¨¦ platter this way¡­ Lady Joy wishes to feed me a snow pea pod.¡± ¡®It¡¯s just too cute; the way his little nose wiggles!¡¯ Joy enthused, expressed through a subtle change in the angle of her head and a tilt of her nearly featureless ivory mask. # Ace woke in a hammock by the shore at sunrise, disturbed by the sounds of the family performing their morning exercises and training routines. Men, women and familiars were running on the sand; surging through the loose, drifting piles above the waterline. Each was dressed in some kind of heavy armor, with additional weights on their wrists and ankles, as they pounded up and down the low dunes, grunting with effort and cheerfully falling, when the sand proved too clinging and treacherous to run on. Laughing people dusted themselves off and paired up for sparring matches all over the garden, drawing lots for opponents, cackling cruelly when an easy foe was drawn or groaning with misery at an unlucky pull¡­ ¡°Aww¡­ I gotta fight Shai?¡± Dannyl moaned softly. ¡°Last time she kept swatting me across the ass ¡®til I could barely sit for a day!¡± ¡°Aye, best ye guard your bottom well, then, here I come, lad!¡± Was all the poor boy heard, before a red haired storm brought him to wrack and ruin. When he collapsed by the shoreline a half hour later, gasping, battered and unable to stand, Shai let out a long, slow sigh. ¡°Tis good to finally beat the last of my lingering resentment into thee, little brother. I¡¯ll have no more liberties taken with my children¡¯s privacy, mind me well on that.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right, I should have consulted you before publishing their story¡­¡± He murmured weakly from the sand, where his wooden training whip, ¡®Chain of Fools¡¯ thrashed in the sand, just as spent as its master. ¡°I really am sorry, Shai.¡± The giantess smiled and nodded, just barely, before wandering off in the garden with her paired training swords of split bamboo thrashing in eager anticipation of fresh prey. Ace watched from the hammock as the tiny drama played out before his eyes. Without context or any convenient exposition, he just let the small, homely moment of real human interaction unfold. He savored the short performance for what it was¡­ It tasted like family; complicated, weird, dysfunctional and fractious, but family. That was a flavor he had not tasted in so long he¡­ couldn¡¯t really remember, beyond the way it ended; with breaking glass and terrible lights, on a dark, rainy highway, several centuries and dimensions from here and now. Ace shook off those old, half forgotten memories and kept watching, hoping to find the secret of all this madness. Only the young, dark skinned couple remained in the house, preparing breakfast, his new sense of smell informed him shortly. They were sir Kermal and lady Becky, who claimed to be the ¡®high priestess¡¯ of some fanciful god or another, as he recalled. All that would come out in the wash¡­ Since no god could touch this world, no matter how potent they might be on another. Only one god could dwell in this realm, the one he would coax into being with his own tentacles! A god who could make this world truly become something more than a mote in the cosmos, isolated and mostly forgotten. He sat up in the swaying hammock and sighed. ¡°I¡¯m so hungry¡­¡± The words spilled out in an involuntary croak, surprising himself and the flaming moth perched above his resting place. ¡°Shai left you a meal, go ahead and eat, we can talk while you refresh yourself.¡± Mariah said softly, as she pointed to a low table, just out of sight from where he lay. On it sat that same pickle jar, but this morning it held two silver anchovies, swimming around in helpless circles, looking damnably delicious and helpless. ¡°I¡¯ll help you with your body. He left a hook in this tree for you to hang it from while you eat and bathe.¡± ¡°Your Gary Ward is a strange one, little moth girl.¡± Ace croaked, while his wooden fingers deftly attached a hook on a silk rope to a ring at the nape of his neck. Just as nimbly, he unclasped the seal on his compartment in the doll¡¯s chest. Ace crawled down the puppet¡¯s arm and slipped into the jar from the construct¡¯s fingertips with a soft, liquid splash. Anchovies never tasted so good! ¡°The thing you said last night¡­¡± Mariah whispered softly, when he had finished eating and was busily grooming his slime coating in the jar of fresh seawater. ¡°About what lies at the heart of this world¡­ Please refrain from repeating that information or disseminating it further.¡± She smiled at him from her perch on a branch and shook her cute, flame haired head. ¡°I can¡¯t stop you, nor would I if I could¡­ but such information is dangerous, to the entire world and other worlds yet unknown.¡± ¡°Yeah, I get that. I can feel him or her, way down there, waiting, listening and learning from every person and beast that passes through this world¡¯s veil.¡± The octopus said, by shifting colors and patterns rapidly, followed by a tiny jet of ink to indicate his regret for speaking so freely. ¡°I felt I needed a big punchline, or they would have tried to steamroll me with weirdness.¡± ¡°Octopus boy, you keep doubting him and yourself¡­ wondering if Gary Ward is some delusion churned up by your mind¡­¡± She shook her head and stood on her branch, nimbly hopping to her feet with only the briefest flutter of her radiant, flaming wings. ¡°How the hell does a normal octopus with simple delusions know what a damn ¡®steamroller¡¯ is? I guarantee there has never been one on this world.¡± She crossed her arms over her tiny bosom and smiled at him. ¡°Don¡¯t get all wrapped up in time, seniority and who¡¯s ¡®crazy¡¯ or ¡®sane¡¯. The god of Beasts is watching, now, things will change, under the light of his moon.¡± The little insect creature took flight, as Ace closed his chest compartment and brought the mech back to ¡®life¡¯. ¡°Chaos has come calling¡­ and it brought snacks.¡± # Brother Loves Travelling Salvation Show Ch: 40 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Brother Love''s Travelling Salvation Show Ch: 40 By the time Ace finished breakfast and was ready to move around again, only he and Mariah remained in the garden; the rest of the troop had vanished into the bath. He could hear them all, laughing, splashing and singing together, just over the hedges. He considered the odd being and nodded to himself, somehow seeming to smile, behind his faceless armored mask of blue lacquered wood. ¡°I think I like you weirdos, bug girl.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a bug! I¡¯m the immortal dryad of the Wildfire Plum grove!¡± She crossed her arms and hovered there, her cheeks pooched out and lips pouting at him. He could see whiffs of smoke curling from the top of her fiery head, along with a few stray sparks and embers, as she glared at the blue wooden figure. ¡°Gary can get away with teasing the mighty and mocking the powerful, Ace¡­ that is the Fool¡¯s power, not yours.¡± She replied in a voice of roaring forest fires and wind. ¡°If you speak to princess Kree that way, she might just sting you a little.¡± ¡°All right, Mariah¡­ It¡¯s been a while since I interacted with people, aside from running a junk shop.¡± He mumbled awkwardly. ¡°I never have been¡­ social.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll be gentle. Now come on, Becky and Kermal made pancakes, you already ate, but I¡¯m starving.¡± She fluttered to the front door, trailing sparks and embers that faded and vanished before landing on the lawn, leaving not even a flake of ash or soot. # ¡°I¡¯m gonna destroy those haunted musical instruments before we leave this place.¡± Gary was announcing firmly, when Ace and Mariah slipped through the door into the busy common room. ¡°Now that the moons can shine on this world, I don¡¯t plan to let those filthy things exist any longer than necessary.¡± Wilf nodded soberly. ¡°After breakfast, papa. It¡¯s the most important meal of the day.¡± The family of weirdos hardly more than glanced at the tall, scrawny blue figure, as he entered and found a seat at the edge of the room. Conversation lulled momentarily, then resumed all around, as the merry group swallowed them up. He could see curiosity and pent up questions in their eyes¡­ ¡°Heya, Ace.¡± The blonde mage, Ivy mumbled, as she sat down beside the blue creature, joined by the giant red haired man. ¡°Mariah, want some syrup?¡± She held out a miniature ceramic pitcher, so the insect girl could flitter over and perch on her forearm. The little pixie¡¯s tongue shot out, nearly as long as the creature¡¯s arm and dipped into the spout of the tiny teapot. She clung to the blonde¡¯s wrist and hummed happily, as her wings idly fanned warm, faintly smoke scented breezes across the room. ¡°The family is planning on leaving this world this afternoon, Ace.¡± Ivy said firmly, once the little flaming moth was busily guzzling pure, sugary joy. ¡°They asked me to speak to you, since you and the other Garys¡­ er, Garies? Anyway, you guys can¡¯t seem to get along, so I¡¯m going to be your liaison until we leave.¡± She smiled and patted the being¡¯s slim blue shoulder. ¡°Each of you Garies are a unique and special pain in the ass, each of you.¡± She carried on after that insult, as though she hadn¡¯t said anything mean at all¡­ ¡°Many of us are interested in coming back at some point in the near future; but the count¡¯s wife is going to murder him and the rest of us if we don¡¯t get him home soon. We got a little bit misdirected.¡± ¡°Once my dungeon is open, by all means, come back¡­¡± He paused after a moment, as a thought struck him. ¡°Your friend is going to want this body back... Isn¡¯t he?¡± ¡°Consider it an extended loan.¡± The beautiful blonde mage sighed softly and smiled at her mad friend; over at the end of the table, feeding pancakes to his wife. He was laughing and smiling the way he once did, so long ago. Ivy¡¯s smile roved up to her husband¡¯s face, when his massive hand landed on her shoulder. ¡°My brother is overly generous, the soft headed, soft hearted fool. He won¡¯t remind you of his kindness, or even consider the debt he¡¯s owed¡­¡± Tallum, the enormous smith rumbled quietly. ¡°That¡¯s my job.¡± Ivy agreed, as she locked a predatory gaze on the featureless blue mask and chuckled darkly. ¡°You can repay him in part, by telling us more about your dungeon and what all this means.¡± # Three musical instruments lay on the beach, inside a circle of salt drawn in the sand; shamisen, drum and flute. Hideous faces leered from the awful things, half alive and gibbering in despair and horror. They shifted expressions from agony, to misery, shame and fear when no one was looking for a moment. The Fool and his red haired giantess were dancing slowly in a ring around the hideous objects on the beach, while their children played a sweet, lilting waltz for the pair. ¡°No no! Gary Ward!¡± Daisybelle insisted from Gandree¡¯s lap. ¡°King papa and the Necromancer made those! That¡¯s revenge, pure and simple! Give give them to me and I¡¯ll take them back to King papa.¡± ¡°Sorry, kiddo. These things have got to go.¡± Gary insisted over his wife¡¯s pale shoulder, as they twirled and stepped to the music. ¡°They won¡¯t fester and linger anymore, just a nice clean ending.¡± Gary noted the furious look in the little goblin¡¯s eyes, so he refrained from telling her about the whole reincarnation with a clean soul thing. She wasn¡¯t in a mood for that info. ¡°Daze¡­¡± Gandree whispered in her ear, very gently. ¡°He¡¯s right, they are abominations. Whatever crimes those filthy creatures committed while they were alive, such evil should end, here and now. That¡¯s what goddess SmilyFace would want.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­¡± She sighed softly. ¡°SpiderBoobs and SmartyPants are whispering the same thing.¡± She tipped her uniform shako and adjusted her jacket, as if preparing to receive the order to charge an emplaced foe; and order she planned to execute dutifully. ¡°Don¡¯t let him deceive you, Daisybelle.¡± Amy called from behind her guitar. ¡°We aren¡¯t supposed to know, but my own papa did something very similar, not too long ago.¡± She shot a challenging glare at the suddenly very uncomfortable Fool dancing on the sand. ¡°He cursed a slave trader¡¯s ghost into inhabiting a public toilet for ¡®a thousand flushes¡¯... Healer¡¯s temple found out, there was a huge scandal and the whole family had to head for a town on the edge of the fringe, to lay low.¡± ¡°Now, Ames¡­¡± Gary complained at his little blue songbird. ¡°That shitbag deserved way worse than he got¡­ I only left town cause I¡¯m the only one who can free him and the damn clerics wouldn¡¯t leave me alone about it.¡± Shai spun her Fool a few times to remind him what he was doing at the moment, to no avail; he was well and truly distracted. ¡°Never piss off a mad witch.¡± He smiled at some private thought and sighed. ¡°I left an exit for him; he just needs to accept receipt of a thousand deuces. Once he¡¯s been shat on a thousand times by Mikkle and the other wrinkly old farts, then he will be released from the haunted toilet in the pensioners mensroom.¡± He smiled evilly at his gathered friends and family. ¡°So sayeth the mad witch of Wheatford.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a good good spell!¡± Daisybelle muttered with a giggle. ¡°I like the way your thinkin¡¯ stuff works, uncle Gary Ward!¡± ¡°Your King papa did the same thing, darling.¡± Gary spoke softly, pitching his voice to carry through the crowd without shouting, as he danced. ¡°Those instruments are slowly decaying and will release them naturally in a few days, if we just leave them out on the shore. Even with careful conservation and preservative spells, they will be released within a century or two at most.¡± He smiled at her in a sad and desperate way that plucked at her heart. King papa looked that way sometimes; usually when he had to kill a foolish goblin man who challenged him. ¡°Maybe Daisybelle should look at that little mace?¡± Wilf suggested, between bars of sweet notes from his beloved flute. ¡°That thing is interesting.¡± ¡°Mace?¡± Daisybelle growled low and slow. ¡°Did you kill a goblin man holding a stone headed whomp?¡± ¡°I did.¡± Ivy answered from the porch, where she and Ace were emerging after a long conversation in the common room. ¡°I took a jade headed mace from a goblin a week or two ago. If he was a friend of yours, he¡¯s dead.¡± ¡°Let me see see, this whomp you¡¯ve found.¡± She grumbled angrily. Wilf rose and vanished into his house, emerging with a short jade headed, blackthorn shafted mace in his hand. He offered it to the tiny girl, who snatched it up with a sob and gasp. ¡°It is¡­ Juniella¡¯s whomp.¡± She curled herself around the weapon and sat back in Gandree¡¯s lap and began burrowing into his clothes. Uncharacteristically, the usually giddy little being curled up inside Gandree¡¯s coat and buttoned herself away inside, seeming much smaller than she usually appeared. The dwarf whispered soft words and rocked her for a while, as the family slowly finished their interrupted ritual. ¡°It¡¯s ok, Daze¡­ you can tell us about it when you¡¯re ready.¡± Only the short blonde lad heard her mumbled and sobbed answer, as he kept rocking and whispering to her while the music went on and on. # In her golden bower, Dana, goddess of Healing and lady of Life and Light snarled at her coterie of hangers on. ¡°I feel it still¡­ that bond has loosened, but not been cut. Filthy and vile witchery, contaminating my essence with its tainted life force and abominable Will!¡± ¡°Forgiveness, lady¡­ I beg you!¡± Baba Yaga gasped at the feet of her mistress. ¡°I cannot touch these arts¡­ The creature is not one of mine, nor will it answer my call!¡± The Ancient Witch of the Forest slumped entirely to the gleaming marble floor in a heap of black and green rags. ¡°The immortal Witch cannot break a spell cast by an ephemeral¡­ man. This reflects poorly on your much vaunted powers, crone.¡± Caduceus grumbled sourly from the goddess¡¯ right hand.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Be still, lord Physician¡­ I shall give her another opportunity to prove herself worthy.¡± Dana hissed sweetly. ¡°Do not appear before me again until you have a solution for this nightmare; otherwise, you are banished from my presence until called.¡± As the goddess¡¯ lips passed her verdict, Baba Yaga felt the floor beneath her vanish, casting her out of the divine presence, as one would the lowliest of servitors. She fell into the darkness, plummeting to her own deep winter, frozen pine swamp at last. After a moment, the eternal Witch of the Forest picked herself up from the soggy and icy pine needles and climbed the steps onto the porch of her chicken legged hut. She had one clue, one lead that might guide her to the truth and an answer; a name found by chance. ¡°Ticklefoot.¡± She croaked hoarsely into the bitter winds of the frozen pine barrens. # ¡°Every dungeon has a broad theme¡­ and the dungeon lord can control how that theme is expressed, or with sufficient energy and Will, even change it.¡± Ace explained to the gathered listeners. ¡°This is the Swarm dungeon¡­ All manner of swarming creatures are my thing. If it¡¯s creepy, crawly, spins webs, bites or flies, I have access to it. A few voids over is the Plague dungeon, nice guy. He¡¯s one of us, calls himself the Plague Doctor. The guy wears the whole outfit, bird mask and all.¡± Ace shrugged. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen him out of costume; but then, I never told him I was an octopus.¡± ¡°Back to your dungeon¡­¡± Ivy urged him, as a musical exorcism, followed by a jazz funeral took place on the beach nearby. ¡°What does that really mean?¡± ¡°On each island level, I create an environment; labyrinths, jungles, caverns and smoldering volcanos¡­ that kind of thing. I install traps, create goals and quests, all the things that go into managing a thrilling and challenging dungeon.¡± He smiled and held his hands out to encompass the world. ¡°I¡¯m going to power it back on and send my endless swarms to scour all humanoid life from the surface.¡± He nodded smugly and looked out over the sea, lost in thought for a moment. ¡°Once I pull a quick apocalypse, I¡¯ll be open for business next week!¡± ¡°Can we put that on hold for a while? That feels like an extreme option.¡± Ivy suggested mildly. ¡°Once I power up the dungeon, every living mortal will receive a warning and an opportunity to escape to their native plane¡­ I¡¯m not a monster.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Three days after the evacuation warning, my swarms will sweep across the land, sky and sea; any sentient remaining on this world will be devoured, sacrificed to my unborn deity.¡± ¡°What about the other octopus people?¡± Ivy asked very gently. ¡°Oh, mortal natives of this plane will be ignored entirely. They won¡¯t even be able to perceive or interact with the monsters. Only a few sensitive souls might glimpse them from time to time.¡± He murmured wistfully, gazing out over the cerulean sea, where shorebirds wheeled in the sky. ¡°It¡¯s for them, all of this.¡± Ace whispered after a few seconds of silence. ¡°My species hasn¡¯t developed full agency and Will, we pretty much operate on race memory and instinct. We lack drive, ambition, curiosity and all the other things that make a species more than beasts.¡± He hung his armored head sadly and sighed. ¡°When the dungeon hatches, we¡¯ll have a god of our own¡­ to guide my people into the next phase of our evolution. I¡¯m here to make sure the god is ours¡­ not the light cult¡¯s.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s what they¡¯re after¡­¡± Gary muttered, suddenly standing right beside them, watching as the kids cleaned up the remains in the salt circle. ¡°How close is your god to hatching?¡± ¡°Can¡¯t say.¡± Ace answered grimly. ¡°I can say that any demon here on this world now; they won¡¯t get out. They will feed my infant deity with their essence¡­ and go screaming into the void.¡± He chuckled hoarsely in the bright morning sunshine. ¡°Only those who have a home plane will be offered escape, all the other ways will be shut.¡± ¡°Dude, that¡¯s metal.¡± Dannyl muttered, as he joined the rapidly growing group. ¡°If all the other ways will be shut, how will we get back here?¡± ¡°Those natural gateways will reopen, once my dungeon stabilizes¡­¡± Ace answered cheerfully. ¡°Can¡¯t do business if the shop is closed!¡± # Ghnash the goblin king rolled over in his vast, supernaturally comfy bed and found himself buried under a very pleasant pile of lissome goblin damsels. Each one clutched at him; cooing, pinching and stroking for his attention; despite the girls being completely wrecked and unable to act on their desires. He slowly made his way through that jungle of green, clinging limbs, patting, kissing and caressing as he navigated his forest of trembling, eager flesh. He escaped eventually, slipping free of a lingering kiss and embrace with Sabrina; who always managed to be the first and last to touch him, every morning and night. ¡°A number of your brothers are downstairs, waiting for you¡­¡± She whispered, when she was ready to let her king go free. ¡°They arrived by daylight, like savages; so I made them await your¡­ Pleasure.¡± She cooed the last word in his ear, almost luring him back into reach of the pile of exhausted girls on the bed. ¡°I got ¡®sponsitilities¡­¡± Ghash grumbled as he reluctantly headed down to meet his brothers. # ¡°Ah, his majesty graces the humble supplicants with his new, regal visage¡­ Surely we are most blessed, of all his majesty''s subjects.¡± Hermit whispered from high up in the rafters, hanging from the ceiling. The damn spider loved making fun of his title... ¡°Pitiful wretch! The most blessed of my subjects are still upstairs¡­ royally fucked silly. You are not going to be joining their ranks, no matter how much you flatter me, spider boy.¡± Ghnash growled at the giant, hairy arachnid. ¡°Get down here, you¡¯re making me nervous, brother.¡± ¡°Please, hermit. Rest assured that no one has a rolled up newspaper sufficient to the task of swatting you.¡± The Necromancer said with an abominable smirk on his face. He turned his unpleasantly cold and bitter smile on the goblin king and coughed dramatically. ¡°Your new face is ready for company but you still fall short! For pity¡¯s sake Ghnash, set out a plate of juicy flies for your guest. Hospitality, man!¡± ¡°Flies, I¡¯ve none¡­ crypt lord. Perhaps you have something unwholesome and crawly in your pockets?¡± He demanded with a wink. ¡°I need to craft you a fetish to help contain your aura, brother. Your true nature is leaking out a little.¡± The goblin spoke gently at the end, leaning close to his brother. ¡°Look, your shadow grows vast bat wings and a tail, when your focus wanes.¡± ¡°Bother! That¡¯s embarrassing¡­ Sorry Ghnash, I think I need to get some exercise, I¡¯ll go for a flight later¡­¡± He smiled at the goblin man and shook his head. ¡°Want me to buzz that human town by the lake? I could do my Smaugh impression and give them a little of the old dragon roar shake-up.¡± ¡°No no! Those longshanks are my friends and cause no trouble, leave them be, you great, scaly terror.¡± Ghnash swatted his much larger brother on his shoulder a few times to admonish him. ¡°Bad enough to be the Necromancer, but a dragon too? You are the edgiest of edgelords, brother.¡± ¡°I really just want to tend my garden and graves in peace¡­¡± The tall, pale man complained at the outrageous little goblin. ¡°Enough foolishness, we have serious matters to discuss.¡± Judgment murmured calmly. ¡°We can fool around later.¡± No one missed the longing gaze he set on the goblin king¡¯s collection of musical instruments, hung on the walls or resting in stands all over the house. ¡°Business first, then a jam sesh.¡± The Star sighed unhappily. ¡°The cult is up to something¡­ they transited a fleet of seven frigates into the prime world, crewed by normal mortals. I suspect they will be raiding for slaves very aggressively, now that their slug spawn are worthless.¡± ¡°So the man with the borrowed snake was successful?¡± Ghnash asked eagerly, bouncing on his toes and capering madly in glee. ¡°Yes, I feel the truth of it! The pontiff of light¡¯s vast circle of minions shrinks, yet again¡­¡± The goblin chuckled with hideous joy, as he continued his deranged, savage victory dance. ¡°Soon he¡¯ll feel the noose tighten¡­¡± ¡°He already feels the pressure, brother.¡± Judgment complained. ¡°Three additional ships sailed for the Swarm dungeon, no doubt hunting for the Lovers. They are making a desperate gamble and we have no way to warn him.¡± The dour and sober face of Gary Ward stared impassively at his gathered kin. ¡°This is desperately grave. They must not seize the Lovers, even if we must extract him by force¡­ even if we must go further.¡± ¡°What are you suggesting, Judgment?¡± The Star demanded, his playful grin fading to an amused smile. ¡°I¡¯m not suggesting anything, I¡¯m saying it outright. Ghnash and the Plague Doctor are special cases, they can¡¯t leave their dungeons for good and unavoidable reasons¡­ All the others followed the consensus and evacuated, except him.¡± Judgment snapped angrily, his soft and lyric accent becoming harsh. ¡°He imperiled the entire war effort for his own whims, now just when victory is in sight, he¡¯s gone missing and a flotilla of hunters is stalking him.¡± ¡°Speak plainly.¡± The Star¡¯s amusement was gone now, replaced by a cold reserve. ¡°Very well.¡± The dour man snarled angrily at the small gathering of beings. ¡°I say that myself, Hermit, Star and the Necromancer should depart for the Swarm and either safely extract the Lovers; or failing that, seize the dungeon from him by whatever means is necessary. Whatever we must do to prevent the cult obtaining its powers is Justified.¡± ¡°There we disagree!¡± Ghnash chittered angrily at the much larger and less green version of Gary Ward that called himself Judgment. ¡°We have never raised our hands against each other without just cause!¡± The goblin man turned his lambent glare on the rest of his brothers, scattered around the room. ¡°I¡¯ve never met him, but if he refused to leave his dungeon, he must have a reason. He¡¯s kept hidden and kept it safe all these decades, he deserves our trust.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve met him.¡± Star said softly. ¡°He¡¯s odd and very private. Of the several meetings I¡¯ve had with him over the centuries, he¡¯s never worn the same face twice.¡± Star smiled at some memory as he spoke, his eyes twinkling with unrestrained merriment. ¡°Always the same person, but in a new body and a different name each time.¡± ¡°He may be unable to leave his domain and does not trust us enough to explain the why of it.¡± Ghnash grumbled at Judgment. ¡°Justify your own acts with feeble logic if you must, but don¡¯t drag drag me, Star and Hermit into your nonsense! If you plot to murder one of our own without cause or consensus, scheme not under my roof!¡± ¡°Ghnash¡­¡± Hermit murmured gently from under the dining room table. ¡°The cult is currently attempting to seize the Plague dungeon as we speak, this is no idle worry. If they should manage to grasp either, or worse yet¡­ both dungeons¡­¡± Hermit fell silent, contemplating an endless tide of diseased vermin pouring from the void, to devour and infect entire worlds. ¡°The Plague Doctor will be no easy prey¡­¡± Ghnash chuckled without mirth and let a hungry smile cross his lips. ¡°And I¡¯ll have you know, one of my daughters is currently visiting the Lovers with her new beau.¡± The goblin king laughed and strolled over to pick out an instrument from his collection. He chose a sharkskin topped shamisen and ran a sweet storm of notes down the smooth, fretless fingerboard. ¡°My new goddess SmileyFace says Daisybell and Gandree Clansward are healthy, happy and full of surprises!¡± ¡°Goddess?!¡± Several of the gathered Gary Wards asked in unison, glaring at the goblin king with eerily similar faces, despite their different species and states of being. ¡°Yes, Goddess!¡± Ghnash crowed with glee and jumped up on his own dining room table to sermonize the gathering. ¡°Goddess Cowl, lady Joy¡­ Known as SmileyFace to my subjects; she is present, potent and her benign gaze lightens the hearts of her children! Weep with Joy at her profound blessings!¡± The goblin king preached on and on for a little while, his instrument singing her praises in liquid runs of sweet, warbling notes. His music evoked thoughts of warm spring afternoons, cherry and almond blossoms drifting on the breeze as bells struck the hour on a distant hillside. ¡°Ghnash¡­¡± Star murmured gently after a while. ¡°Are you... ok? You know gods aren¡¯t real¡­ Right?¡± ¡°Yes, Star¡­ I¡¯m all right and gods are real, brother. Just not where we are.¡± The goblin sighed happily, finally sagging down into a chair, still playing his shamisen. ¡°The gods exist, as do spirits, fae and others as well. Here in the distant realms, on the edge of things, the gods can¡¯t see, touch or bless us¡­ unless someone opens the door for them. I have been fortunate enough to meet with two gods so far, in my dreams.¡± ¡°Gods and goddesses?¡± Star asked gently. ¡°Are you sure you haven¡¯t been fooled by a tricksy demon?¡± ¡°No, no tricks! Gandree and Daisybelle brought me into the lights of SmileyFace, SmartyPants and SpiderBoobs¡­ I hope to do the same for you tonight.¡± He grinned at them with absolute delight writ large across his green face. ¡°If your dreams are of a radiant and joyous face, or a sexy spider girl with enormous, pale milkers¡­ Follow them and find what I have found, brother.¡± He smiled benignly, seeming more at peace with the world and himself than anyone had a right to feel. He pulled open a cupboard near the hearth, revealing a few small statues or figurines¡­ or perhaps, Idols. One was a tall, lean, robed woman carved in pale green jadeite, wearing a white, almost featureless mask of bone, inlaid with tiny, perfect, red coral lips, turned up in a gentle smile. Next came a tiny beautiful, marble boy, dressed in elegantly draping stone robes, touched with gilt here and there. Atop his head rested a haloed crown, suggesting artfully arranged ringlets of golden hair. The last was a large, plush doll depicting a spider body, transitioning abruptly into the slim, white furred torso of a heroically endowed humanoid woman. One whose massive felt and fur boobies threatened to topple her forward, despite her spider abdomen¡¯s concealed counterweight. Ghnash giggled with delight and sighed at his brothers. ¡°Hermit has been touched by SpiderBoobs already, but he¡¯s too shy to admit it.¡± ¡°Whatever changed your face, it has broken your mind.¡± Wheel of Fortune declared with a sour grimace at the collected Idols. ¡°You are like Hermit and the others¡­¡± Ghnash sighed at his brother. ¡°You remember nothing after riding home from the music shop, where we worked on the other world¡­ We died there and flew off to our many and varied destinations and guises from that point¡­ We all know this.¡± They all nodded, since they were each embers sparked from that short lived blazing failure of a life. The goblin man had an intensity to his gaze, as he addressed the gathering at large. ¡°I tell you now, my secret. I remember living again, on another world¡­ after our old mundane home!¡± Ghnash let that resonate for a moment, before he went on. ¡°I remember walking in the sun, standing straight and tall, singing with my family in a world where music was magic and magic was real¡­ My family¡­¡± He almost sobbed there, before regaining his composure. ¡°Gods dwelt there and I met them, many of them¡­ I tell you this now, too¡­ Some few of you gathered here have met a god as well.¡± Several Garies scoffed or expressed disbelief in other ways, depending on their biology; but almost all generally displayed incredulity at the goblin¡¯s wild claim. He just grinned at them with a mad glint in his eyes. ¡°The man with the borrowed snake¡­ Many of us have met him, but have any of you seen his face? Heard his voice undisguised?¡± A quiet susurrus passed among the several, disparate beings gathered in the common room. ¡°By common consensus we have not delved into that person¡¯s identity.¡± Judgment snapped coldly at the smiling goblin. ¡°What they can do makes them too valuable to trifle with. We agreed to maintain their anonymity when we struck our alliance, Temperance.¡± ¡°My name is Ghnash Wharr¡¯gh, the goblin king¡­ brother. Remember that henceforth.¡± He snarled, baring his white, even, but still very sharp new teeth at the larger man. ¡°I broke no compact, I have always known who he is, since he first appeared. He is Ward, god of Death and Vengeance, dryad of the Golden Fig. He is one of us; more than that¡­ He¡¯s the Moon. His borrowed snake has the power to slay the immortal¡­¡± Ghnash slowly let his proud, sad smile wash over the entire room of strange beings, savoring this moment. ¡°And that snake belongs to my beloved, firstborn son, Wilford Brimley Ward.¡± # Hit Me Baby, One More Time Ch: 41 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Hit Me Baby, One More Time Ch: 41 High on a rocky prominence, overlooking a night shrouded valley of peaceful forests and quiet townships, a gathering of highly unusual beings fell eerily silent, when the muscular little green witch doctor opened his cabinet of mysteries, revealing three objects of veneration. Joy, artfully sculpted in green jadeite, weaning a mask of bone, adorned with coral red lips, Marduk, resplendent in white marble, gilt and a golden halo and Thirp¡­ Plump, plush, pudgy and sweetly cute, the doll¡¯s spider body was disturbingly lifelike, while her human torso oozed sweet, sensual, innocent charm. A bra of exquisite, spiderweb lace held her massive furry breasts in constant suspension and collision, defying gravity and logic with simple sexiness. A loincloth of white silk, embroidered with stylized spider webs almost brushed her spidery front feet hid her secrets from impious eyes. The face of that doll bore an expression of near childlike innocence and joy, drawing the gaze of Hermit, who still crouched in the shadows, as far from the others as he could manage. ¡°Ghnash¡­ Have you hit your head?¡± The Hermit asked, his foot long fangs dripping venom, involuntarily revealing his deep concern for the chaotic, diminutive goblin. The mind bendingly enormous, iridescent, rainbow hued, furry jumping spider crawled halfway up the wall, trailing a strand of web behind him; affection and distress evident in the stride of his eight legs. ¡°I¡¯m unsure¡­¡± He whispered hoarsely from his new perch. ¡°You can¡¯t just come out with something like that and expect us to just accept it!¡± Judgment snapped at the smug, smiling goblin in green footie pajamas. ¡°We are going to play the Doubting Thomas now¡­ Us?¡± The Star demanded with a laugh that shook the room. ¡°I¡¯ll take you at your word, Ghnash; introduce me to your new friends, please.¡± The Star followed his goblin brother, smiling radiantly, as always. ¡°The supplicant needs only perform a simple rite before the Idols of Joy, Marduk and Thirp, entreating the gaze of those beings with the appropriate offerings.¡± Ghnash declared, a fevered light in his eyes. ¡°Joy needs only a heartfelt call and a yearning for her touch, directed in her holy name. Her Idol¡¯s gaze will fall on you and if your soul resonates, she will come into your dreams.¡± The king of the goblins murmured softly. ¡°Offer lord Marduk these cakes and a cup of mint tea, with a request that he aid you in diligent study of the world around you.¡± The goblin intoned reverently. ¡°That is his sacrament.¡± ¡°I assume that for the mighty and wise goddess Spider Boobs, I should reverently motorboat these divine ta-tas?¡± He demanded with an idiotic grin on his face, while eyeing the bodacious breasted plush drider doll sitting beside the other, more conventional idols. Ghnash smiled and nodded in approval. ¡°Indulge if you wish, just don¡¯t get her dirty. My queen loves to cuddle her when we sleep. If you wish to petition lady Thirp, simply slip these under your pillow tonight.¡± The goblin murmured happily as he discreetly passed a small cloth object to the Star. ¡°For added efficacy, you could wear them on your head, or as a mask.¡± The Star held up the tiny scrap of scarlet lace and silken strings, with deeply confused and amused expressions warring on his face, struggling for dominance. ¡°P-p-p¡­ Panties?¡± He giggled, displaying the flimsy thing across his wide spread fingers, for everyone to see. ¡°No, no! Give them back if you don¡¯t wish to¡­¡± Ghnash sputtered, suddenly upset over the casually revealed naughty undies. He chased after Star, who held the unmentionables up over his head for all to see; ignoring the goblin¡¯s protests and furious attempts to snatch them back. ¡°No no! Don¡¯t show them!¡± He gabbled and screeched in a fit of distress. ¡°Dude! That¡¯s a long walk for a joke¡­¡± Star gasped, nearly crippled with laughter, as several others began to giggle or groan dramatically at the elaborate jest Ghnash had pulled off. He passed the delicate red lace thong to Wheel of Fortune, who blushed and handed them off to the Necromancer as though they burned his flesh. The pale man laughed for a moment, playing with the silky scrap of lace, just out of the furious goblin¡¯s reach. After a moment he became distracted by the delicate bit of cloth in his large, pale hands. ¡°Interesting, fine work, this¡­¡± ¡°No! Don¡¯t just show your pantsu, all the magic will fade! Gahh! Double stupid and unclever!¡± The goblin gasped and sputtered, jumping up and trying to retrieve the undies from the much taller men all around. In an impotent fury, he lapsed into goblin dialect for the first time in many years. ¡°Lat nub gruk me¡¯s mojo! Tu bangronk wid lat!¡± ¡°You really committed to the bit, this is really nice craftsmanship.¡± The Necromancer passed the textile to Hermit, an acknowledged expert in the craft and art of fabrics, for a more thorough examination. The gathered Garies groaned as one being, when Hermit clambered down and gently passed the tiny panties back to the furious goblin; who was still sputtering and cursing them in his language. ¡°He¡¯s quite correct, you know. The sly, seductive magic of barely glimpsed, forbidden things are the sacrament that lady Thirp craves.¡± The giant peacock spider whispered in his unnerving and musical voice, produced from a complex instrument of silk and animal bones. ¡°So callously and distastefully displaying the secret, sacred undies dispersed their magic. Now they must be cleansed and worn in an unconsummated seduction, to replenish their power.¡± The others fell silent, listening when Hermit spoke in that tone of solemn wisdom. ¡°This night, we have plotted against one of our brothers behind his back and abused the hospitality of another¡­ We can and should aspire to be better.¡± Eight gentle, contemplative eyes filled with wisdom scanned the room slowly, finding each all too familiar face in turn. ¡°We should devise a way to help our brothers, without leaving Ghnash unprotected, since he cannot leave his realm.¡± ¡°Faugh¡­ I have sealed my Contract with lady SpiderBoobs and have been cleansed of my blood curse. In a few hours I will go with the Necromancer to help Ace¡­ If he needs and wishes our help.¡± The surly goblin grumbled at the group. ¡°The rest of you can split your efforts as you wish. I will depart at sundown¡­ after breakfast. My ladies are awaiting my return, good day, brothers.¡± He turned and prepared to go back upstairs, his back rigid and his eyes hard. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ghnash¡­¡± The Star caught his diminutive host by the sleeve and halted him for a moment at the foot of the stairs. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have made light of your¡­ presentation.¡± He smiled in embarrassment and shrugged. ¡°The butt floss caught me by surprise.¡± ¡°I understand¡­¡± Ghnash muttered finally. ¡°Here, use these tonight.¡± He said, passing the larger man another small textile, this one of thin, white silk. ¡°More ladies undies?¡± He asked with a smirk. ¡°No, you shamefully displayed my beloved queen¡¯s panties to the whole crowd¡­¡± Ghnash answered with a wicked grin of his own. ¡°You can use the spare. That¡¯s my banana hammock in your hands.¡± The little green man ducked out of the Star¡¯s grip and was halfway up the stairs before his much taller brother could do anything stupid. ¡°Sweet dreams, with my dirty, goblin cock sock under your pillow.¡± ¡°You are a super asshole, bro.¡± The Star sighed in defeat at the escaping sovereign. ¡°I really do need to see those spidery boobies though.¡± The Star shot a look at Hermit, up near the rafters again, trying to slip into the welcoming shadows there. The smiling man chuckled merrily, as the arachnid tried to hide his massive form from the rest of the group. It was certain; the spider was¡­ embarrassed and shy about something or other. # Concealed in the high, shadowy corner of the common room ceiling, in an intersection of beams just below the peak of the roof; Hermit settled into his cozy little nest. He reverently placed a neat, web bundle of giant mosquitos on his personal altar, below his nearly completed tapestry, bearing her glorious, silken image in splendid detail and rich, sumptuous colors. She lounged across a stylized web in his incomplete work, her eight legs in a casual and relaxed pose, her eyes fixed on the viewer with startling intensity. His abdomen bobbed involuntarily in excitement, as he contemplated those radiant fangs, picked out in silver thread by his own arts. Hermit sighed as he settled in, hoping for another glimpse of the divine being that had scuttled around the periphery of his senses for the last few nights. Ever since molting in the goblin¡¯s rafters, his sleep had been¡­ ¡®troubled¡¯ by visions and hints that moved him in ways he¡¯d never felt before. Every night, in the depths of his slumber, a single white furred appendage would invariably pluck his web, drawing out a long, sensual bass note. When he looked, she was always just vanishing into the shadows, granting him a fleeting hint of her coquettish beauty, a long, slender leg, a glimpse of pale, white furred abdomen or a strand of fragrant silk, drifting on an unfelt breeze. Some subtle power or being was toying with his dreams in the night, waking him with unremembered visions and sensations that left him unsure, but intrigued and desperate to learn more about the compelling, fascinating entity stalking his sleep. The unknown influence felt playful, cheeky and more than a little¡­ sexy. Hermit closed his eyes with a long, subsonic sigh that ended with a faint, silent gasp of some emotion he was still working through. He slowly began to unwind the tight web of his emotions and thoughts, picking the day¡¯s knots and tangles from the threads of his mind. Sleep descended on him slowly, sending a soft, cold trickle of mingled fear, hope and anticipation running through his body, sweetly tingling every hair on his carapace. ¡°Hello¡­ Gary Ward, lost scion of my dear one.¡± A faint whisper sang softly through the deep, shady forest he found himself in. ¡°You can¡¯t begin to understand how pleased I am to finally touch your soul in this place.¡± Hermit scuttled under the low hanging boughs of a mulberry tree, instinctively seeking shelter, despite the comfortable warmth the voice carried. ¡°L¡­lady Thirp?¡± He asked reverently, uncertainty and a hint of fear in his voice. ¡°Are you the goddess the goblin king spoke of?¡± ¡°No.¡± The word rang out, carrying finality and undeniable truth. The voice seemed closer now, if distance meant anything in the strange, dreamy forest, beneath a mad, swirling sky, lit by a huge, pale golden moon and a spinning, blue and white marble drifting among the stars. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°I am Aclintherios, spinner of Fates¡­ and sweet lady Thirp¡¯s patron deity.¡± The speaker continued, sounding both terrifyingly vast and unimaginably distant. ¡°I have come for you in her stead, child of my friend; at my beloved Thirp¡¯s request. She will appear before you when our business is completed.¡± As they spoke, with almost glacial inevitability, a pale form began to coalesce in the void. Hermit remained unsure whether the phenomenon was close enough to reach out and touch, or so distant as to beggar his imagination, he couldn¡¯t be sure. With certainty he could say; whatever was approaching or appearing was beyond vast. Tall as a mountain and incomprehensibly massive, a gleaming white huntsman spider crouched among the stars and whirling galaxies, just too close for Hermit¡¯s comfort and too far away to conceal the being¡¯s monstrous power and grandeur. ¡°Yes, you can perceive me now, my child, if only faintly¡­¡± The whispery voice carried the scents and essence of a warm morning in late spring, redolent of new life, growth and vigor on its drifting strains of sweet music. ¡°My child, Thirp cannot Contract you¡­ for reasons of her own, this is why I am come here¡­¡± The being sighed, soft as a gentle breeze; his intent just as all pervasive and undeniable as the wind itself. ¡°Accept my blessing, mortal¡­ You have been searching for something, all unknowing what it is that calls to your soul¡­¡± The entity whispered gently, lest the tiny mortal¡¯s ephemeral dream should blow away on his breath. ¡°Perhaps you may discover what you have been seeking, has been seeking you all along.¡± ¡°Blessing?¡± Hermit stammered at last, when the entity paused, awaiting a reply. ¡°Are you one of the deities that has blessed my brother, Ghnash the goblin king?¡± ¡°No, the goblin man has no affinity for my essence; the human soul within him is not for me. I am no god of humanity, simply a friend and confidante of the man you once were.¡± The mountain sized spider whispered patiently. ¡°You may decline my gift without fear, child. I am eternal and you will find yourself drawn to this place, seeking me time and again¡­ Until you accept what your soul cries out for.¡± ¡°So you claim I have no choice?¡± Hermit asked, a little more boldly. ¡°All you have are choices, mortal. All you are and all you will be stems from choices¡­ yours and the decisions of others¡¯.¡± The being began to fade from his perceptions, slowly drifting away like mist before a freshening breeze. ¡°Though, you are mortal¡­ As such, time remains a problematic variable. Most find it¡¯s best to get busy with living while you can; if you would like some unsolicited advice.¡± The being sighed breathily as it faded. ¡°Death can appear before you at any moment, my child.¡± With that highly encouraging reminder, the entity departed, leaving the hermit standing in a shadowed forest, under an alien sky. Out of curiosity, he turned his attention to the celestial bodies that dominated the firmament high above. The moon, bright and golden in the sky, was not the moon that the human part of him had been born under. The surface bore a pattern of craters that was entirely different and its distinctive golden light was unfamiliar, though warm and pleasant. The white and blue planet was likewise, not the earth he faintly remembered from his human recollections. The continents below¡­ or above him bore no similarity to earth at all. To make matters more confusing, no domain he had traveled to possessed a moon of any kind, certainly not an additional planet circling in the heavens! ¡°This is utter lunacy.¡± He whispered into the silent forest surrounding him. ¡°Is this madness?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a sharp cookie.¡± A sweet, feminine voice murmured from behind him. ¡°Madness indeed¡­ He has eyes to see!¡± An additional sweet, lilting call joined the growing chorus of invisible speakers. ¡°Hmm¡­ a truly clever being would have accepted Aclintherios without hesitation.¡± Another voice replied, when he leapt about to find who had spoken, finding no one. He whirled again¡­ and was again alone. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know about that. Sealing just any chance met immortal to one¡¯s soul would be foolish¡­ our new friend is certainly not the Fool.¡± Another whisperer joined the conversation, while also remaining unseen. ¡°I wonder how long we can keep this up¡­¡± Yet another female being sighed from the forest boughs. ¡°Girls¡­be nice.¡± A man stepped from beneath a spreading fig tree at the edge of the small glade, dressed all in black and draped in a hooded leather cloak. His voice carried just a little firmness, and a great deal of affection for the hidden speakers. ¡°This is just one of the reasons we get so few visitors.¡± He turned his dark hood on the Hermit and sighed. ¡°They are reluctant to show themselves to you, Hermit. Trust me that they mean you no harm.¡± ¡°It¡¯s you! The man with the borrowed snake¡­¡± The arachnid gasped, startled by the sudden appearance of yet another entity in the shadow haunted glade. ¡°Is that what you call me?¡± The man asked, sounding disappointed. ¡°I never get super edgelord titles¡­¡± The concealed man complained in a voice that was annoyingly familiar. ¡°I¡¯m working really hard here, buddy!¡± ¡°Ghnash was right¡­ you are one of us¡­¡± The massive, colorful spider whispered unhappily. ¡°He said your name is Ward¡­ and some other stuff.¡± The fellow carried on, as if the spider hadn¡¯t spoken. ¡°...I get no respect! Gary is called ¡®Shadowmounted¡¯ when he¡¯s with eponna¡¯s herd, ¡®Deathshadow¡¯ among the Aracneans, ¡®The Mad Witch¡¯ to most humans¡­ and the Beastfolk have dozens of super chunni names for him¡­ I get ¡®Borrowed Snake¡¯!? It¡¯s really not fair!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t understand what you¡¯re talking about, so I¡¯ll be going¡­ somewhere, I guess.¡± Hermit muttered, as he tried to slip into the forest, hoping to escape before anything ridiculous could happen. ¡°No, my friend¡­ you need my guidance. I¡¯ll be helping you through this difficult phase in your development.¡± The mad, cloaked man sighed happily and sat down in a cozy, plush velvet wing chair in the woods¡­ where no chair had been a moment before. ¡°Sit with me and talk for a while; about who you were, who you are and who exactly you want to be¡­¡± At his words, a strange sensation washed over the Hermit, a profound feeling of ease welled up from within, as his vision blurred and distorted for a moment. Hermit¡¯s sober, tranquil, ascetic mind, honed through diligent and solitary practice over many years, slowly began to betray him. The man¡¯s words churned up old memories and thoughts, bubbling from the depths of his psyche in this entity¡¯s presence. Like Ghnash, the Star and many of the others, this being had a deeply rooted taint of madness and a profoundly unserious streak. ¡°Much better, Ward. This is much less distressing.¡± A sweet, feminine voice whispered behind the confused arachnid, causing him to wheel about clumsily, nearly tripping over his feet. ¡®Feet?¡¯ He thought briefly, before getting distracted. A small, dark haired asian woman¡­ or perhaps a child, with shocking violet eyes stood just a few feet away, draped in exquisite robes of plum purple, banded with golden knotwork. A garland of living plum blossoms crowned her head, glistening with dew under the moonlight, lending her an air of regal splendor and whimsical authority. ¡°Gary Ward, this is Plumeria, dryad of the eternal plum grove.¡± The cloaked man said proudly. ¡°She¡¯s my baby¡¯s mama!¡± ¡°Ward! That¡¯s demeaning!¡± The tiny woman scolded her much larger mate, waggling her finger imperiously at him and hurling threats. ¡°I¡¯ll tell Mariah what you called her beloved mother!¡± ¡°Agreed!¡± A tall, lean woman with straight blonde hair chided him, as she stepped from the woods, wearing a gown of snowy white cotton. ¡°Speak more courteously to your mates, young man!¡± ¡°Pine, baby, you know I¡¯m a feminist at heart!¡± He wheedled and pleaded, his palms held up to ward off the angry women. He backed slowly around the little clearing, Hermit was forgotten for the moment, as Ward pleaded with a growing bevy of ladies with flashing eyes and sharp tongues. ¡°Feminist schmeminist!¡± Another woman scolded him from the woods, striding out completely nude, her small breasts jiggling pertly as she stomped toward the beleaguered man in the cloak. She was short, with a small frame, smooth, pale skin and a truly astounding bottom. The damsel jiggle walked her badonka-donk right up to the tall figure and glared up into his hood, unperturbed by his height or her own nudity. ¡°Using disrespectful language like that toward the mother of your child¡­¡± She sucked her teeth and sighed at him in exasperation. ¡°Pear, my sweet darling¡­ You know how I feel about all of you ladies¡­¡± He stammered, dropping his hood and flashing a smile that glinted bright white under the moon and stars. ¡°Sequoia¡­¡± Plumeria said quietly to the absurdly enormous, ruddy cheeked, pale skinned, red haired woman who was suddenly towering above the poor man. ¡°Dearie, please take Ward over to the hotspring and explain to him in detail where he erred; I will talk to our friend while you¡­ attend to our wayward mate.¡± She rounded on the confused spider, her violet eyes travelling up and down, examining him in a way that sent shivers down his¡­ ¡°Spine?¡± He stammered weakly, feeling at once vulnerable and completely at ease among the slowly growing throng of beautiful, female humans around him. ¡°Yes, Gary Ward, or the Hermit, if you prefer¡­¡± The tiny woman in purple said softly. ¡°You have a spine, feet, two legs and a human man¡¯s form in this place. Here, your body resembles your soul more faithfully. When you return to the waking world, you will once more be a man who looks like a spider.¡± She met his eyes confidently and gave him a few moments to come to terms with the last few minutes. He was human again, dressed in simple clothing that was loose and comfortable, standing in a clearing that was simply swarmed with beautiful girls. They giggled and chattered, pointing at him and whispering behind their hands in ways he was obviously supposed to notice. Embarrassed and stressed to his limit by the focus of so many strangers, Hermit struggled to mull over a few things. Really, he mostly watched in amusement, as the giant woman carried the man off into the woods, casually stripping away his clothing as they went. ¡°Don¡¯t struggle, Ward baby. It¡¯ll be easier on you if you don¡¯t resist.¡± ¡°But resisting is the fun part!¡± He whined, as they vanished among the trees. ¡°He¡¯s a silly one, our Ward.¡± Plumeria sighed fondly, smiling at the departing duo. A moment later, her wise, ancient gaze fell back onto the hapless and confused being standing among the many, many women gathered around. They surrounded him in every variation of skin, eye and hair color, every stature and girth and all the combinations one could imagine. ¡°You are far less foolish than he, that¡¯s a relief.¡± Plumeria muttered with a satisfied smirk curling the corners of her perfect, plump lips. ¡°I¡¯m really confused, about¡­ everything.¡± Hermit sighed hopelessly, as he sank into Ward¡¯s abandoned plush chair. ¡°Gary¡­ I can call you Gary, right?¡± She murmured, while climbing into his lap in the capacious chair and making herself comfortable. Startled by the sudden intimacy, he nodded mutely. ¡°Excellent, Gary.¡± She kissed his cheek ever so lightly and smiled brightly at him and at the gathered ladies all around, silently watching the interaction. ¡°This is going very well. Run along, we¡¯ll be fine now.¡± She said to the gathered host of beautiful and scantily clad women. At her softly spoken word, they withdrew silently; within a few seconds they were entirely alone in the forest¡­ kinda. It was a little creepy at first, as Hermit caught the soft whispery sound of rustling leaves, concealing their eager and excited chatter in the susurrus and whisper of the boughs. ¡°Dryads, darling. This is a forest of dryads, we are all around and in this place, we can all share this conversation, without distressing your mortal mind.¡± She graced him with a dazzling smile and hugged close to his chest for a long moment, clinging to him as if he were a boon companion, finally returned after a long absence. ¡°We all know you aren¡¯t really him¡­¡± She murmured in Hermit¡¯s ear¡­ which was weird as well, having ears again after so long without them. As if she sensed his thought, she whispered again, very gently. ¡°Just relax, be yourself and don¡¯t think about how many lovely ladies are listening right now.¡± The small woman in purple snuggled closer to his chest, ensconcing herself in the chair and his arms with confident hands and a fearless bottom. When she was arranged to her liking, looking up from her snug nest on his lap, she reached up and patted his cheek gently. ¡°You have much to learn and even more to come to grips with, young spider boy.¡± The brown eyed, solemn man took a deep breath, savoring the familiar novelty of having human lungs and a mouth again after so long. ¡°I¡¯ve been walking the worlds as I am for nearly three hundred years, lady Plumeria. I am no child to be guided by spirits, no matter how charming.¡± He fixed her with a sober gaze and waited patiently for her to digest that. ¡°Three hundred mortal years! She gasped in shock and wonder. ¡°I must discover your skincare secrets, my dewy, young, mortal treat.¡± Her display of awe at his venerable age vanished with a girlish giggle of mirth, as she kissed his cheek once more. ¡°Silly child! I have been watching your antics for a while now¡­ ever since your progenitor¡­¡± She smiled, sweetly sad and a little lost for a few seconds, before she continued. ¡°Well, that¡¯s all in the past; right now we are talking about the future¡­¡± She delivered another sweet, almost childlike smile of delight, discomfiting him in ways Hermit felt unprepared to think about too deeply; like the way she fit into his embrace so perfectly. The curve of her hip nestled in so very sweetly¡­ and her small, silk draped breasts pressed against his chest, passing her warmth and heartbeat directly to his body in very distracting ways. ¡°...which is appropriate, since in this place, now is pretty much all there is. This place exists just a little outside your usual perception of linear time.¡± She finished her dissertation and gave him a sweetly knowing smile once again, gently informing him that he¡¯d entirely lost focus¡­ And that she knew why. ¡°Any questions?¡± ¡°Uh¡­?¡± He replied wittily, dazzling her with the cleverest thing he could think of. ¡°Exactly.¡± She whispered, nestling in against him and slipping her tiny hand inside his shirt, to rest over his heart. ¡°For now, listen and learn. I have much to instruct you in, before we are done here.¡± As if to emphasize her whispered instruction, she slowly raked her nails down the bare skin of his chest, exploring the contours of his body, drawing an involuntary gasp from his new lips, which were also super nostalgic. ¡°Three hundred years is a respectable lifespan for any mortal¡­ if lived well and fully.¡± She whispered. ¡°I mentioned that I¡¯ve been watching you for a while, boy. Do you think you¡¯ve lived well and fully, so far?¡± Her breath was warm and gentle on his throat, while her other hand slowly stroked the nape of his neck, up into his hairline. Gently, Plumeria¡¯s delicate, tiny fingers scratched and caressed his scalp and ears, roaming freely, wherever she could reach, distracting him from her other hand. ¡°Lady Plumeria¡­¡± Hermit whispered hoarsely, when he realized her right hand was inside his trousers, resting below his navel, right at the edge of a thatch of curly hair. ¡°Call me Meria¡­ my sweet.¡± She breathed gently against his throat. ¡°I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s a great idea¡­ Isn¡¯t Ward your¡­ husband?¡± He asked weakly, very weakly indeed. ¡°That silly lump of muscle is delightful, but a husband? No¡­ not as such.¡± She smiled sweetly up at him, her almost childlike face and disturbingly ancient, violet eyes confusing him in a number of very upsetting ways. Especially since her right hand started making little scratchy circles, roaming around his lower abdomen like she owned the place. Silence fell over the woodland, as her tiny hands roamed over his body, touching his face, chest, back belly and almost, very nearly, within a curly hair¡¯s breadth of coming to grips with¡­ With something else he hadn¡¯t had in a very, very long time. ¡°All those years, lived as a monk, alone in the forest, eschewing contact with others¡­¡± She whispered. ¡°Meditation and asceticism are all well and good; in moderation, sweet child.¡± She sucked her teeth softly in gentle scorn and kissed his cheek again. ¡°To live so long without mortal love and touch¡­ Such a pity, but such an opportunity.¡± She gasped excitedly, wriggling even closer to him and expanding her explorations to include his lower back, down to the swell of his buttocks. ¡°Even I have never seen a three hundred year old virgin before.¡± She gasped excitedly. ¡°So much to teach you¡­¡± ¡°But, Ward¡­ he¡¯s your¡­? We just met¡­¡± He gasped, carefully struggling in her slender, but surprisingly strong arms. ¡°Forget him for now.¡± She locked her eyes with his in an instant, halting his attempts to escape with the force of her Will. ¡°You shall obey, you must learn, you will become what is needed.¡± The tiny creature whispered into his throat, her teeth nipping and nibbling as she spoke. In the silence that followed, a faint male voice drifted to their ears: ¡°Thank you Sequoia, may I have another!?¡± Those words received only a sharp sound of flesh hitting flesh, with a resounding crack in reply, followed by a quiet yelp of pain, mixed Ward¡¯s mad giggle of delight. ¡°Thank you Sequoia, may I have another!?¡± Ward pleaded, lost somewhere in the forest of invisible sighs and giggles. # Life, The Universe And Everything Ch: 42 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Life, The Universe And Everything Ch: 42 Beneath a bright summer afternoon sun, with birds singing in the garden and a cool mountain breeze playing in the leaves, four tall brown haired, brown eyed men, looking as alike as four grown men could, strolled up the long hillside path to visit the home of the goblin king, again. The dour faced man at the head of the group rapped on the door and spent a few seconds adjusting his somber robes of gray wool. ¡°Relax, Judgement. Ghnash doesn¡¯t care how you¡¯re dressed¡­ even though he¡¯s a really skilled tailor.¡± Wheel of Fortune muttered quietly. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled at the world, carefree and jolly, as always. ¡°True, but he does care about manners¡­ He¡¯s nocturnal, you know, just like me. I can¡¯t believe I let you clowns talk me into showing up during the day!¡± The Necromancer complained from beneath his shady hat and cowl. ¡°And here we are again, with the sun still up! Too bloody bright out!¡± ¡°Gotta take a chance, now and then.¡± Wheel insisted. ¡°My divinations indicate that this is the right time.¡± He reached into the pocket of his long, colorfully embellished coat and drew out a small crystal sphere. It glinted and shone in the sunlight as he held it on his palm. ¡°See? Auspicious portents.¡± ¡°Portents or no, we must act soon¡­ and act decisively.¡± Judgment intoned soberly. # Sabrina struggled back up to a sitting position, when her keen ears caught a knock at the door¡­ again! Ghnash had his hands full, since Tanya, Sandra, Brenda, Glenda and Amanda had all started their tummytime together this morning and those girls did everything together. His hands, face and everything else was busy busy with too too much good stuff. She sighed at her poor sovereign¡¯s fate, as she tenderly eased herself onto her feet. ¡°Oww¡­¡± She murmured, clutching her lower places gently, as moving around reminded her of an uncomfortable truth. Even after bearing one of his daughters, Sabrina still struggled with her beloved¡¯s babymaker. ¡°Oh, my poor guts¡­¡± She sighed, as she staggered downstairs to do her other duty. The goblin queen shrugged into a long, flowing gray silken robe, embroidered with climbing roses by her husband¡¯s own hands, just for her. She idly wondered where the panties from this set had gotten off to¡­ She still wore the delicate scarlet lace bra, also adorned with climbing roses, but without the sweet, skimpy bottoms... She sighed as she dressed and headed for the door. Daylight visitors meant humans, and that meant she had to wear clothes and do human things. That was the hand fate had dealt her and she would play her hand well, no matter what cards should land. With a sigh, she snugged her robe closed and opened the door on four of a kind. # When a handful of major arcana arrived on her doorstep again, Sabrina remained absolutely impeccable in her duty of hospitality. Despite being, once again dragged from her bed by the unexpected visitors, the goblin queen saw to it they were fed and then directed them to the baths and rooms in the spacious inn, where they might rest and await his majesty''s pleasure¡­ She had been particularly emphatic on that point. Alone in his chamber, after the wacky TED Talk Ghnash had put on that morning, Star looked down at the ridiculous little scrap of nearly weightless spider silk in his hand and grinned. ¡°Pantsu magic¡­¡± He murmured with a smile of absolute amusement and mirth. ¡°By the power of Panties!¡± He chanted, holding the wisp of cloth above his head. When no magical girl transformation occurred, he giggled and shook the little ¡®garment¡¯ out for a better look. Like the other undies, it was fine work. Rather than elegantly tatted lace, depicting twining roses, this was simply smooth, soft silk, sewn with stitches almost too small to see. Little more than a scant handful, when he held it up, the front portion drooped and unfurled surprisingly far. ¡°Damn, Ghnash! That¡¯s what you¡¯re packing?!¡± He murmured, as he tucked the goblin king¡¯s hog holster under his pillow with a grimace. ¡°The things I do for my brothers¡­¡± He sighed as he fell into sweet sleep under an open window full of early afternoon sunshine and birdsong, for an experimental nap. # ¡°Hello, my sexy darling¡­¡± A sweet, musical voice sighed, as he opened his eyes, finding himself flat on his back on a wide, pleasant lawn that felt familiar. Also familiar was the wheeling sky of stars, colors and madness above him; though he couldn¡¯t remember ever seeing this particular vista, in all his long and busy life. He turned away from the strange sky, its even stranger moon and planet¡­ and all that other celestial weirdness; concentrating on his immediate surroundings instead. When he sat up, he came face to face with an enormous white jumping spider, who sported the slim and beautiful upper body and head of a human woman¡­ dressed in a spiderkini that was¡­ unambiguously hot. The spiderweb lace garments, arachnid body form, cute, sweetly innocent smile and naughty, sassy eyes were all the same as the ¡®Idol¡¯¡­ Her breasts, barely concealed behind her tiny, spiderweb top, were far less¡­ Well, just far less in every dimension and delightfully so. Pert, perky, with just enough jiggle, bounce and bosomy, bubbly goodness to make his eyes water, since he hadn¡¯t blinked in a while. There was way too much good stuff to look at, for any of that nonsense. ¡°Lady Thirp, I may assume?¡± He asked carefully, with a very elegant bow to the being that was standing very close to him, in a place he hadn¡¯t been a few moments before. ¡°Indeed, young Gary Ward¡­¡± She blushed sweetly and hid her lips behind an upraised, eight fingered hand, shyly glancing away from his face. ¡°May I call you Star? I have a large number of Garies in my life.¡± She giggled behind her palm, as eight beautiful, dark eyes sparkled merrily on her brow. ¡°Certainly¡­¡± He murmured soft and low, stepping closer to her with the smile he used on stage, when a woman in the audience caught his roving eye. ¡°...miss Thirp.¡± He whispered, when he was close enough that she might reach out and touch him with ease. ¡°You aren¡¯t frightened?¡± She asked, her voice hardly more than a breath between those perfect lips, with her sharp mandibles and fangs peeking out as she spoke. ¡°Frightened of¡­ me?¡± There was a hidden note of desperation, a longing hidden in her soft, melodic voice. He had felt that so many times, on so many worlds after so many battles, adventures and hard rockin¡¯ shows. He couldn¡¯t help but hear that call, her hopeful need was there, plain to his ears, so he answered, once again. ¡°Frightened? Absolutely terrified¡­¡± He murmured, leaning so close that his lips nearly brushed her cheek. ¡°How about you, goddess SpiderBoobs?¡± He finished that impertinent question by landing a soft and chaste peck on her cheek, followed by a gentle stroke with the backs of his fingers, across the spot he¡¯d just kissed. ¡°Oh, my¡­¡± She whispered, leaning close, so that her shoulder rested on his broad, muscular chest. ¡°Yes, I will have you, Star¡­¡± With unexpected strength for a creature with such slender arms, she pulled him close for a long, lingering hug. ¡°You are so warm, accepting and inviting, silly boy.¡± She smiled wide enough that her gleaming fangs protruded, a tiny drop of steaming silver venom trembling at the tip of each deadly, three inch needle. She kissed his throat delicately and smiled again, her eight eyes locked with his. ¡°At the height of our shared passion, I¡¯ll strike at the base of your skull, my venom will be painless¡­¡± She whispered so softly and warmly that he felt shivers of pleasure running up and down his spine and his legs got shaky. ¡°Once you are paralyzed I¡¯ll consume your brain, taking away your higher mental functions entirely; before I deposit our eggs in your living body, that our young might consume you as their first meal¡­¡± She sighed winsomely and held him a little closer. ¡°Uh, I¡¯m not sure that works for me¡­¡± Star mumbled in embarrassment. The spider girl in his arms pushed him back from her embrace, displaying that amazing strength again. ¡°You rake! Leading a maiden on in such a way! Take responsibility, young man! Let me plant my brood in you as compensation!¡± She had a smile on her lips and was winking a really confusing number of eyes at him, so Star smiled and bowed to her again. ¡°My deepest apologies, Lady thirp¡­¡± He spoke as clearly and confidently as he could, while the strange creature giggled at him and adjusted her spiderkini top. ¡°Yes, my dear¡­ I was taking advantage of you for my own cruel amusement.¡± The spider divinity sighed and smiled at him again, with a warm and benevolent expression on her almost, really very nearly, human face. ¡°Even a goddess likes to feel sexy sometimes.¡± She murmured, that shy and demure blush rising on her cheeks again. ¡°You are by far, the sexiest spider I¡¯ve ever met.¡± Star answered honestly, his own smile once more in place. ¡°Honestly, if it weren¡¯t for the whole venom, brain and egg sack thing¡­¡± As he was speaking, she took his hand and led him to a small clearing with a plush velvet sofa sitting in the middle, beside a tea tray laden with¡­ tea stuff. ¡°We will not be engaging in¡­¡± Thirp smiled in a melancholic kinda way, gazing at the blue planet whirling above them with a sigh. ¡°In any case, I am here to bind a divine Contract with your soul, that you may always have my guidance and blessing, wherever you roam.¡± She said calmly, waving for him to take a seat, as she fiddled with the tea things. ¡°I am one of the very few pan-dimensional divinities that is able to touch these fractured and damaged realms.¡± She poured the tea while she spoke, moving with a refined elegance that was almost hypnotic, magical, a ritual. ¡°My friends have been watching for some years now, as you travelled so restlessly from town to town, world to world. Whatever were you seeking for so very long¡­And did you ever find it?¡± Her eight innocent, glistening eyes, sweetly eager smile and warm, casual intimacy eased a rare moment of honesty from his lips¡­ Or perhaps there was something in the tea? ¡°I¡¯m a musician¡­¡± He answered with a smile. ¡°I need the roar of the crowd, bright lights and loud music to really feel alive¡­ and there¡¯s always another town, another show, more people who need to hear my songs.¡± He said soberly. ¡°More pretty girls who need to hear your songs?¡± Thirp asked sweetly, with a wicked grin on her oddly cute and compelling face. She placed teacups on the table with a plate of small cookies, before joining him on the couch; sitting close enough to touch, but without invading his space. ¡°All kinds of pretty girls¡­ or so my spies say.¡± Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°I¡¯m a man without roots, family or a home, lady Thirp. I take¡­ and give comfort where I can find it and with whomever I may choose to share it.¡± He answered calmly and with as much confidence as any man might wish for, when having tea with a sexy spider girl goddess in a magical dream world. ¡°So I hear. Word is, you¡¯ve left a long trail of smiles and tears behind you¡­¡± Thirp muttered happily. ¡°Orc girls, goblin damsels, beastkin maidens of all sorts¡­ you cut a wide swathe, my child.¡± ¡°Sex, drugs and rock and roll, Thirp baby.¡± He answered, slipping into a glib and charismatic attitude that fit him like a suit of finely tailored clothes and was just as much a costume, concealing the man behind the confidently self assured smile. A few heartbeats later, the suave, sexy rockstar vanished; revealing the slightly sad man hidden behind the bright lights. He whispered very quietly, perhaps for himself alone. ¡°Music can heal the world¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°With a big enough Marshal stack, I could shake the stars themselves.¡± ¡°That is our goal as well; yours, mine and others in my circle¡­¡± Thirp gasped softly, her hands landing on his knee, in a gesture both intimate and chaste. ¡°Help me, Star. Accept my blessing and aid me in healing what may be healed, in this broken dimensional rift you call home.¡± # Hermit found himself in a deeply uncomfortable position; with the most exquisitely beautiful, tiny woman he¡¯d ever seen, curled up in his lap and almost entirely inside his clothes with him. Psychologically uncomfortable, anyway. As far as actual comfort, huggability and cuddliness went¡­ That shit was off the fucking charts. She even smelled super nice, like warm amber and green, growing things, under a perfume that was ripe fruits, spicy herbs and citrus, with a hint of ginger. Under the intoxicating influence of this being, his own thoughts and feelings felt strange, foreign and oddly¡­ comfortable; even as his training and spiritual arts fell back into place at last. With an effort of pure Will, he reasserted control over his own emotions, restoring a measure of balance to his aura and Mind. ¡°Lady Plumeria, please respect my boundaries and agency. I am not your plaything¡­ Please refrain from touching me further, without my consent.¡± He said gently, but firmly. ¡°Consent which I currently wish to withhold.¡± As if a switch had been thrown, her roving hands withdrew a little and the pressure on his aura reduced, along with the pressure of her small, firm breasts against his ribs. ¡°Excellent, boy. Truly excellent.¡± She whispered fondly, but without the heated passion she¡¯d displayed mere moments before. ¡°You are a precious treasure of my very dear friend. I would never dream of stealing the fruit from her orchard, no matter how ripe and tempting.¡± The woman sighed, taking a final nibbling kiss of his throat, just behind his jaw. ¡°What does that mean, lady Plumeria?¡± He demanded very gently. ¡°We literally just spoke about respecting my agency.¡± ¡°Please, just call me Meria¡­¡± She murmured happily. ¡°To be blunt; Ward, my sisters and I will be taking very special care of your¡­ education and preparation for the next step in your journey. We shall set the table, but the feast is laid for someone else.¡± ¡°Again, my personal agency seems to be overlooked in your plans.¡± He said, just a little sourly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Gary¡­ it¡¯s just, you burn so brightly, like a bonfire on the darkest night, throwing light, heat, smoke and energy into the void all around you.¡± She murmured pleasantly into his collar. ¡°We feel a need to act, when such energies are present¡­ an urgency that impels us into action.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t feel that I am doing any such thing, Meria.¡± He answered, calm as a millpond in winter. ¡°Sexual energy is extremely¡­ potent, to my people, when expressed in natural ways. Erotic love, friendship, parental love, the workings of sentient emotions and attachments are all powerful energies¡­¡± She buried her little face in his shirt again, nuzzling and caressing his bare chest, speaking from her hiding place, like that was normal. ¡°Repressed sexual urges¡­ are a currency of sorts¡­ and are an awesome power that can work wonders or terrors with equal facility.¡± She licked her tiny, perfect red lips and smiled hungrily up at him. ¡°You, my child are perhaps the tenth most potent source of concentrated, repressed sexual energy that I, or any of my sisters, have ever encountered.¡± ¡°Only the tenth most powerful in existence?¡± He asked wryly. ¡°I imagine your beloved Ward is the first?¡± ¡°Oh, no!¡± She replied in an earnest and sober tone. ¡°The most powerful sexual force is no more. It was spent in a great and terrible act of vengeance and just retribution.¡± She smiled again, sad and angry at the same time. ¡°Look, look there and see the awful wound that madness and fury dealt the heavens! The chaos wrought in the divine realms, by a mortal with a serious attitude problem, unfettered from reality by his shattered soul and mind.¡± She pointed toward the horizon, where a broken and tumbled ruin loomed darkly, seeming ominous even from so far away. A hideous purple and green tinged rift in the sky lingered there, like a loathsome slug crawling across a beautiful picture window, trailing snot behind. ¡°What is that?¡± He asked in horror of the awful scar on the universe, spewing something wrong from its yawning chasm. ¡°A group of immortals plotted to commit a great crime, which they perpetuated, expanded and repeated for an immeasurable length of time, against a single mortal victim¡­¡± She whispered, her voice tinged with fury, sorrow, regret and just a little hope. ¡°A crime?¡± Hermit asked gently, when she stalled for a moment, lost in her thoughts. ¡°Let us say that these immortals were engaged in the prolonged torture, rape and sacrifice of an orphaned mortal soul, captured from the void as it wandered, searching for a home.¡± She almost hissed with repressed and impotent fury. ¡°An unthinkable crime that no sane entity would commit can go on, undetected and unchecked for a very long time indeed.¡± She sobbed just a little, until she quickly regained mastery of her emotions. ¡°They would still be engaged in victimizing that poor mad soul even now, had not one of their mortal agents failed spectacularly in their wicked ritual, some few hundred years ago¡­¡± Hermit shifted and drew a breath, preparing to ask a question, but she anticipated his query. ¡°A mortal soul, fully mature, but untouched by mortal love or passion is a rare and powerful thing, if captured. If one could exploit that soul for its power, and then capture it again¡­ and again¡­ sacrificing that being, just as he is coming into the mortal world¡­¡± ¡°No.¡± Hermit gasped softly. ¡°Yes, countless times over centuries¡­ Until, eventually, inevitably, someone screwed up their sacrificial ritual, tumbling a uniquely damaged soul into the void. The result of that failure slowly unwound the plot and was their final undoing, in the end. Their punishment came late and was all the greater for that delay.¡± She shook her head, saddened and horrified as well, by the disgusting, seeping wound in the veil. ¡°The greater the anticipation, the larger the detonation¡­ that is the true terror of a Sexbomb.¡± ¡°Uh¡­¡± He mumbled around a mouthful of ¡®What The Fuck!?¡¯ and finally managed to gasp out one word of query. ¡°Sexbomb?¡± ¡°Sexbomb.¡± Meria answered succinctly, before nesling herself back into his collar. ¡°My beloved Ward is a sexy beast, with a slamming cock.¡± She sighed into his chest, her warm breath sending tingles through his skin. ¡°He spends so much time ¡®splitting wood¡¯ here in the dryads¡¯ forest, that he sometimes neglects his real duties as the god of Death and Vengeance¡­¡± She chuckled and bit his nipple playfully, just a little as she continued. ¡°I love the dear boy and his delicious, swinging balls; but He¡¯s not in your league, not even close.¡± She peered up at him from the depths of his collar and smiled warmly. ¡°Ward¡¯s a candle, beside your roaring wildfire¡­ but the Sexbomb was a brief, blazing supernova; one which slew many immortals and at least three actual gods¡­ with orgasmic explosion.¡± She sighed sweetly and patted his cheek, after extracting that hand from his trousers, where it had taken too many liberties. ¡°You are waking from this dream. Worry not, you will return here soon, my child. We will have much to discuss then.¡± Those words had barely faded, when Hermit awoke, snug in his web funnel among the rafters of the goblin king¡¯s house. # Ghnash woke from that hazy, familiar dream, the one where he had a big, silly, chaotic family all around him¡­ A family of humans and others, walking in the sun¡­ And the beautiful, half remembered, pale, twirling, dancing dream in green skirts. He could almost hear her bells, singing a song just for him, drifting on the evening breeze. ¡°Shai¡­¡± He whispered again, a tear slipping from his eye as he stirred among his tangled and exhausted mates. ¡°No, Sabrina.¡± She whispered firmly into his long, pointed ear, just as she always did when he woke with that dream name on his lips. She leaned close and licked the tear from his cheek, before she latched her sharp little teeth onto the royal shoulder. ¡°Yes, my queen¡­ my Sabrina.¡± He moaned, as she wrapped her slender, lithe legs around his waist. Small, sure hands found his rod and stroked him into position, her favorite position. With her teeth locked on his shoulder, drawing just the smallest trickle of blood and her legs gripping his hips, she wasted no time lining herself up with the precious scepter and orbs of state, before asserting her claim to the throne once again. She raked at his back with her carefully blunted claws as he embraced her, driving himself in a little deeper than usual. Sabrina thrashed and squirmed in agony and pleasure, struggling to get just a bit more inside her poor, aching, needy flesh. His girth stretched and filled her to her limit¡­ and a little beyond, her desperate passion spurring a burst of renewed effort from the trembling goblin woman. She gave a mighty squeeze of her legs, wriggled her hips until she screamed in agony and lust, until only her love sang out in a single long, clear note among the slowly waking harem. Still spitted on her beloved mate, Sabrina looked down at the remaining inch and a half of thick, veiny, green cock standing between their straining bodies. She gasped and sobbed, sagging against his chest in defeat. ¡°No good, no good!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t cry baby, Sabrina my love, don¡¯t cry¡­¡± He cooed gently, stroking her back and lifting her chin gently to kiss her lips, still wet with his blood and her drool. ¡°You don¡¯t need to hurt yourself¡­ Please don¡¯t cry¡­¡± He gently eased himself out of her poor, battered tender parts and slipped down to kiss her all better down there¡­ Which stifled her tears and replaced her sobs with gasps, as he gently brought her back down from wherever the hell she had gone. It took about a hundred gentle licks to get to the center of Sabrina¡¯s tootsie pop, so she could make sense again. Sabrina was still trembling and breathing heavily when he kissed her deeply and pulled her into his arms for a snuggle. She wriggled closer with a satisfied sigh, until she bumped into the Chief''s staff. ¡°Oh, no¡­ Your poor babystick¡­¡± She sobbed, her tears starting anew. ¡°I¡¯m a failure¡­¡± She gasped, pawing at his chest and weeping again. ¡°What kind of queen can¡¯t take her whole mate inside?¡± ¡°Come on, Sabbie¡­ come here and kiss me¡­¡± Ghnash pleaded gently in her ear. ¡°We¡¯ll let Chelsea suck me off until I¡¯m about to pop, then we¡¯ll see if I can¡¯t put another baby in you¡­¡± He murmured, eliciting an excited giggle from Chelsea, who was always eager to help out. ¡°I feel so good, I might just put one in you too, Chelsea¡­ so don¡¯t swallow any!¡± He waggled a finger at the playful little pink haired, blue eyed goblin who was already gobblin¡¯ his knob, her round bottom happily waving side to side, as she slurped and slobbered away on her evening treat. ¡°Cheseas shares! Babymaking is team sport! Chealsea works hard, makes lots and lots of babystuff!¡± She gasped a moment later, when she came up for a big, sloppy, shared kiss with the king and queen. ¡°Game face on!¡± She gasped, once she only had one tongue in her mouth. True to her words, the girl was a team player. Her ball handling skills were peerless and she really knew when to drive hard into the paint and when to play zone defense. She passed the rock at just the right time, scoring an assist and tying up the game. Sports metaphors aside, his newest bride popped his throbbing, almost painfully engorged goblinhood out of her mouth and helped him ease back inside Sabrina¡­ Just enough to carefully fill her up; as she gasped and thrashed in pain, while begging for more. Spent and wrecked, poor Sabbie curled up and went to sleep, his seed dribbling from her red, puffy pussy in a slow trickle. ¡°Wasteful¡­¡± Chelsea sighed in his arms, gazing at the runnel of goo forming a small pool on the bedding. With a soft chuckle, Ghnash leaned down, kissed her pretty pink lips and grinned. ¡°I made you a promise too, little one.¡± He cooed in her ear, as his hand cupped a small green breast, weighing her boob appreciatively. ¡°Bend over and don¡¯t wake Sabrina¡­ I¡¯ll be gentle.¡± He sighed sweetly in her ear, as his hand caressed her eagerly upraised bottom. ¡°Nuh, uh¡­ no no gentle¡­ Plow Chelsea good!¡± She demanded, looking back over her smooth shoulder at her king and grinning. ¡°Make big big mess, so Chesea can¡¯t sit down!¡± She gasped softly, before shoving a length of willow stick between her teeth and raising her ass a little higher. ¡°Smash me good!¡± She mumbled, before burying her face in the pillows. # ¡°So, did everyone have a restful day?¡± The Necromancer asked mildly, when Ghnash and a large number of painfully sore goblin girls staggered downstairs to the baths at sunset. ¡°Smirk all you want¡­ I¡¯m the goblin king. That comes with certain responsibilities.¡± Ghnash grumbled good naturedly at his brother, while adjusting his own sore parts and grinning. ¡°Hermit¡­ sorry about the noise. Your nest is kinda right by my bedroom.¡± He smiled sheepishly and held his palms up helplessly. ¡°I don¡¯t know what got into us¡­¡± ¡°We all know what got into them¡­¡± Star said with a sassy grin at the bevy of green babes making their careful and tender way into the baths. ¡°I had some¡­ interesting dreams myself. How about you, Hermit?¡± Spiders can¡¯t blush, they aren¡¯t equipped for it; yet somehow¡­ # Seabirds wheeled above a quiet tropical island, nearly lost in a sky so blue it hurt his heart a little, if he were to stare for too long. Gary¡¯s eyes were closed entirely, a smile on his lips, as his body swayed slightly in place where he lay, as if he heard music. The island spun beneath him as Kree banked hard, buzzing along a hundred yards above the rim of the volcano, working the updrafts to her advantage. She tucked her wings and dove, spearing down through the air, hurtling at the ground far below in a wildly corkscrewing spiral. A dozen yards above the trees, she pulled up hard, cutting right and wheeling fast, to catch her pursuer from behind. Her rapier of blackened bronze flashed once, twice, then a third time, before the monster skeeter fell, spiralling down toward the jungle, stolen blood spilling out as it crashed heavily into the underbrush. Far below, Shiro and Otho bounded through the rank jungle growth, searching for the fallen monster¡¯s corpse. Gary shuddered as Kree took another pass, low down to guide her friends to the prey. The thing weighed at least fifty pounds and could have sucked a plow horse dry in a single feeding. He watched through his familiar¡¯s eyes, as the others dragged the nightmare bug out of the woods for butchering. Wilf was right there, as always, he was excited to cut up a new monster variant and this one was super creepy.. ¡°Crab claws and tentacles? Weird!¡± Gary mumbled to himself, as Kree flew off, gaining altitude in search of more fun. # Gary kept laying there, sprawled out on the beach under the sun, soaking it up like a weirdo. There were a number of other weirdos too, clad in those newfangled bathing suits, out of deference to Lindsey. While Wheatford was a hot and dry town in summer, where mixed bathing at the river was a fact of life, Foresthome was cool, misty and offered so many ponds, streams, springs and lakes that the tradition never took hold. Likewise, casual nudity remained taboo in the region. Lindsey was a Foresthome girl all the way through and was not about to prance about unclothed in front of everyone, fancy big city ways be damned! She blushed a moment later, as her wandering thoughts brought her around to one of her favorite memories¡­ She smiled and her blush spread, as she reflected on the first time she¡¯d ¡®met¡¯ Barry Ward. The boy had tumbled out of the clear blue sky one afternoon, stark naked, his cock massively erect and his brain completely doofy on some mixture of spider venom and magical translocation backlash¡­ She smiled, remembering the way he¡¯d looked up at her, so stupid and so beautiful, lying there shamelessly rock hard, his dick waving in time to the boy¡¯s slow, steady heartbeat. ¡°Good times.¡± She murmured to her horse, who snuffled his agreement. ¡°What¡¯s that love?¡± Barry asked sleepily, his head pillowed on her lap, his eyes closed as well. ¡°Nothing, baby. Go back to sleep.¡± She murmured softly to her boy. The peaceful scene shattered a few minutes later, with Gary standing on the porch, hitting the dinner bell and shouting in alarm, while still wearing his super snug, bright red shortie shorts. ¡°Incoming! We have ships incoming!¡± He shouted at the sunbathing Adventurers. ¡°Three unknown warships, Kree has eyes on them.¡± # Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades Ch: 43 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Future¡¯s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades Ch: 43 At the front gate of the goblin king¡¯s castle on the hill, under a cloudy sky threatening rain, the brothers shook hands¡­ And other things, as they prepared to go their separate ways. ¡°We¡¯ll spend the night here, then move out for the Plague dungeon. The portents are favorable for an early departure and a swift return.¡± Wheel of Fortune chuckled, as he shuffled his cards idly. ¡°I shall stay here, to protect Ghnash¡¯s home and family.¡± Hermit intoned soberly. ¡°My own essence and Will are in turmoil, brothers. As I currently am, I would be a liability in the Swarm dungeon.¡± ¡°Thank you brother¡­¡± Ghnash murmured, petting the massive spider¡¯s head and burbling happily. A heartbeat later, he turned his dark, huge goblin eyes on Star and pinned his ears back with a snarl. ¡°You¡­ stay away from my harem¡­ and stay well the fuck away from my daughters!¡± The goblin king bared his teeth at his much larger brother and growled. ¡°I¡¯ll eat your eyes and skin a drum with your ballbag if you touch one of mine mine¡­¡± ¡°Easy Ghnash¡­ easy.¡± The Necromancer slipped his voluminous black cloaked form between them, before anyone got violent. ¡°Star¡­ let¡¯s find you and Wheel rooms in the human town for the night. He¡¯s not himself at the moment. There¡¯s an awful lot of horny goblin girl pheromones floating around right now.¡± The pale, heavily cloaked Gary murmured to his more flamboyant brothers. ¡°He gets like this when one of his ladies comes up lucky. For the next few days, any humanoid male that comes near his mates will be a threat, in his mind.¡± The pallid man¡¯s hand clamped down on the angry goblin and squeezed his shoulder in congratulations. ¡°At least one of these lucky ladies is ¡®babyful¡¯. Nice work, G-man.¡± ¡°So why is he fine with you?¡± Star grumbled, looking embarrassed and a little hurt. ¡°He doesn¡¯t sense any life force in me.¡± Necro answered slowly. ¡°I don¡¯t trigger his instincts, because I¡¯m not alive¡­ strictly.¡± ¡°Really¡­?¡± Wheel asked, with an over excited look in his eyes. ¡°I should read your horoscope¡­ Were you born under the sign of the mongoose or the beaver?¡± ¡°We all have our little secrets, brothers¡­ Now Ghnash and I need to go, and you need to let Hermit return to his meditations.¡± With that, the cloaked man wrapped the goblin king in his billowing garment and vanished into the gathering shadows. ¡°Spooky.¡± Wheel muttered happily. ¡°He¡¯s the biggest chunni of us all, I think.¡± ¡°Cram it, Wheel.¡± Judgment grumbled sourly. ¡°I had¡­ strange dreams as well, under that roof. Best we find lodgings and set out at dawn.¡± ¡°You had weird dreams too?¡± Wheel demanded as they walked together into the darkening woods. ¡°I know I did! When we get to the hostel, I¡¯ll read our cards.¡± ¡°Wheel, I¡¯m going to feed you those cards¡­ and if you pull out a bag of runestones, I¡¯ll toss them in the lake.¡± Judgment grumbled at his glib and fae brother. ¡°And that¡¯s why you don¡¯t get invited to the fun parties. Just lighten up, bro.¡± Star sighed, his fingers interlaced behind his head as they walked through the starlit woods. ¡°You know I wasn¡¯t trying to seduce anyone, right?¡± The man in skin tight leather pants and loose, billowing shirt of ruffle white silk complained, as he brushed back his long, wavy brown hair and sighed, radiating an aura of calm, confident strength and charisma. ¡°Shut up, Star¡­ please.¡± Wheel murmured awkwardly. ¡°We have got to get you two laid.¡± Star grumbled. # Ghnash knew what to expect when the Necromancer enfolded him in that billowing cloak, that did little to help with the queasy sense of dislocation he felt. With a sudden, stomach lurching rush of something that was not exactly noise and wind, they emerged under a deeply shadowed overhang, near a distinctive, triangular stone peak. ¡°The veil is weak and disturbed in this place.¡± His guide murmured quietly. ¡°Several strange¡­ somethings, have¡­ done¡­ something, here.¡± The pallid man looked confused and perplexed; two expressions the wily goblin had never seen manifested on his strange brother¡¯s usually tranquil face. ¡°What have you been playing at, Ghnash? I sense the presence of Truck-Kun, who should be unable to enter these realms.¡± The tall man demanded. ¡°You know dimensional fuckery is taboo!¡± ¡°Yell at the stones of the mountain, bark at the trees, if you like¡­ I did nothing here.¡± The goblin grumbled, much more calm, now that the sweet aroma of freshly seeded goblin damsels no longer spun his senses around with every heady lungfull of their scent. ¡°My new son in law has a gift like mine, a home of shadow and ether, drawn and manifested through will and art. He encamped here for some few days. He and Daisybelle may know more of this.¡± The goblin waved his hand dismissively. ¡°Come, brother. We must make passage and I have not done this before.¡± ¡°Yes, but we will revisit this issue. Truck-Kun is not to be trifled with, little brother.¡± The large, cloaked man murmured. ¡°He has been stalking my shadow, of late, when I approach the utter edges of our realms.¡± ¡°Bahh¡­!¡± Ghnash grumbled right back. ¡°Do we jabber on, like babyful girls, or do we travel to offer aid to our brother and visit my child?¡± He pinched the larger man¡¯s cloak hem and dragged him up the hill, toward the void maw. ¡°I¡¯m the one who should be nervous¡­ You do this all the time.¡± # On the other side, sundown was just beginning, forcing the pair to wait in the shallow cave entrance, until the night fully enveloped the valley and that gleaming city of white plaster spires. ¡°We should take that town, once we have secured the Lovers and the Plague Doctor.¡± Necro mumbled awkwardly, seated on a boulder beside Ghnash. ¡°Have you met Plague?¡± The goblin asked, ignoring his brother¡¯s suggestion and sounding more than mildly curious. ¡°No, though I hear that he and the Lovers are close. Their dungeons are separated by a pleasant little mini dungeon; The Misty Fen, it¡¯s called.¡± The Necromancer sighed. ¡°Mostly amphibious, reptile and insect monsters. Plenty of overlap between the two major dungeons.¡± ¡°Who controls it?¡± Ghnash asked, as he watched the purple shadows deepen outside. ¡°It sounds nice.¡± ¡°They figured out a way to share control of it.¡± The big man mumbled with a shrug. ¡°I don¡¯t know how.¡± ¡°Those two are super weird, or at least, that¡¯s what Hermit says¡­¡± Ghnash shrugged as well. ¡°He¡¯s the only one of us who¡¯s actually met both of them. Bad timing. Hermit just molted, now he needs to molt again¡­ SmileyFace says so and she is most wise.¡± The little green man yawned and stretched as he walked toward the outside. ¡°Take me to the next gate¡­ this is not so terrifying as I was led to believe.¡± ¡°Remember those words, as we transit the next void, brother.¡± Necro rumbled, as he slowly assumed his true form, under the hazy, early starlight. The tiny goblin climbed up his brother¡¯s dark, heavily scaled, boney leg and clambered into a spot at the base of the creature¡¯s long serpentine neck. The Necromancer spread his tattered leather wings with a soft clatter of dusty, dry bones and took off into the deep purple sky. ¡°Air superiority!¡± Ghnash cackled madly, as they rose higher, to vanish into the gathering storm. # A half hour later Ghnash was doubled over, with his lovely breakfast omelet spattered all over the rough, volcanic passage. ¡°Blah! Nasty nasty!¡± He complained as he spat and coughed. ¡°Cursed time difference too! Bah! Sunshine!¡± He gasped. ¡°Ghnash¡­ something is wrong.¡± Necro whispered, pain and desperation clear in his voice, as he huddled even farther back into the cave. ¡°I cannot enter this world fully. Some new element is scouring my essence; I must withdraw. Will you retreat as well?¡± ¡°My Daisybelle and her boy are here.¡± He answered calmly. ¡°I will find her¡­ and her pets.¡± ¡°I sense the power of blood magic and necromancy at play. The cult is here and is active now, but whatever is weakening me is nothing of theirs... I¡¯ll carry you as far as I can, brother¡­ but I can¡¯t stay here long without diminishing away.¡± Necro murmured quietly. ¡°Bahh, let me think.¡± The goblin mumbled, joining his brother in the back of the cave. ¡°The spirits of this place are angry and wish to help us.¡± He murmured a few minutes later. ¡°I make you a charm for your Animus, a fetish to hide your nature.¡± He said with satisfaction. ¡°Wait wait. I have tools.¡± The little witch doctor pulled a small human figure carved of bone from his mysterious shadow power and began carving new inscriptions into the thing with a fossilized shark tooth. He whistled a sprightly tune as he worked, inscribing mystical sutras into the bone object in characters so small as to be invisible. Less than five minutes later, he was done. Ghnash handed his little bone dolly with spiffy, articulated arms and legs and authentic Kung-Fu Grip?. ¡°This action figure will call a cloak of spirit fragments to you. They will shade and shelter your soul from the light that burns you.¡± The witchdoctor announced with a smile. ¡°Don¡¯t break it. It¡¯s a collectible!¡± The dark cloaked man held the little dolly in his hand and felt¡­ better. ¡°Wow¡­ I¡¯ve never used your arts before.¡± He mumbled gratefully. ¡°How long will this thing last?¡± ¡°One full day or any part thereof. Sunrise to sunset.¡± The goblin answered with a satisfied nod. ¡°This is magic I gained from lady SpiderBoobs. Come, we must make haste. My goddess is worried.¡± Watching the people of Port city scramble, as a gigantic, mostly skeletal dragon with a tiny goblin on its back buzzed the town was priceless. When Necro wheeled and swooped on a ship in the harbor, things really got fun. # The monstrous, undead dragon appeared over the city without warning, soaring down from the volcano¡¯s cone on silent, tattered wings. His shadow sent icy fingers of horror down the spines of those people unlucky enough to be touched by the shade of his passage.Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. Seemingly at random, and still in eerie, absolute silence, the monster wheeled and dove on a large bellied trade ship that was just entering the bay, sailing under the ensign of light. The first sound the beast made was a soul rending and earth quaking roar of fury, directed at the hapless vessel. The nightmare creature¡¯s terrifying bellow was accompanied by a literal storm of bone fragments; teeth, loose skulls and other graveyard detritus, shearing away the masts and setting the ship ablaze in a ghostly, shimmering fire. In that blaze, disjointed and scattered skeletons quickly assembled themselves from the bone-strewn wreck and fell on the screaming crew, rending them into bloody rags. The fire gave no heat, light or smoke, but it burned the ship to the waterline in a few horrifying minutes, as the dragon winged away into the lowering sun. ¡°Dude. That was metal.¡± Ghnash muttered, as they flew away. ¡°That ship was laden with preserved zombie shock troops, waiting to be awakened.¡± The Necromancer¡¯s voice whispered in his mind. ¡°I smelled them, and their filthy blood sacrifice.¡± ¡°A full invasion, huh?¡± Ghnash growled angrily. ¡°They must be desperate. Fly on, my goddess urges speed.¡± # Hermit sipped at a tidily cocooned snack of unknown provenance, as he floated among the goblin girls in the shaded bathing pool. The warm water and their soft conversations lulled him and soothed his ragged soul. They were largely unconcerned by his presence, even the newest and youngest of the king¡¯s mates showed little fear when they approached their lord¡¯s strange and monstrous brother. Daytime was set aside for the goblin kids to come up to the castle and play in the water, under the supervision of their mothers, regardless of the children¡¯s parentage. Most of the goblin females who arrived at the gates, drawn by rumors of safety and food, were already babyful; carrying a litter of goblings sired by some rando gob in the wilds. Ghnash allowed them all into town and provided food and shelter for the mothers and kids, as though they were his own progeny, as a matter of official kingdom policy. For their first five years, little goblings were diurnal, as were their mothers, once they gave birth. That change in activity pattern meant much better survival rates among the new otters and helped ease the burdens new mothers often face in the wilds¡­ like roving, brutish, often cannibalistic goblin men. In goblin Town, the little goblin girls and boys romped and splashed in safety, under their mothers¡¯ watchful eyes. The tint green tots raised a mighty ruckus, laughing in sweet, high pitched tones that felt¡­ right. Hermit sighed softly, as he contemplated the goblin boys¡­ fated to a life of brutal ignominy and violence. At seven years old the blood curse would begin to take hold, dragging them inevitably into a near mindless state of rapacious savagery. For now, they tumbled naked on the lawn and wrestled with their sisters and brothers in a happy, giggling mob. ¡°You seem pensive, Brother of my king.¡± Sabrina purred, as she drifted by, rubbing her belly with a smile of immense satisfaction on her face. ¡°Tell me what is on your mind, if you wish. Chelsea and I have little else to do, until our time comes.¡± She said with a smile. ¡°Yes, yes! King Ghnash smashed our lady bits good good¡­ now we are babyful together¡­ Chelsea and the queen¡­ babysisters¡­¡± She murmured in awe, as the idea hit her at last. ¡°yes, sweet Chelsea. We are babysisters now¡­ all thanks to you and your magic mouth.¡± Sabrina sighed happily. ¡°But brother Hermit is growing uncomfortable¡­ We talk no more of king Ghnash¡¯s mighty babymaker.¡± She nodded sagely at the enormous spider and smiled. ¡°How many babies have you made, oh mighty Hermit?¡± ¡°None, lady Sabrina.¡± He answered shyly. ¡°Among my race, males are typically not¡­ sapient. Do you know what that means?¡± ¡°They are stupies? Like double dumb dumbs?¡± Chelsea asked sweetly. When the Hermit nodded, she erupted with joy, bouncing with excitement. ¡°Chelsea reads king Ghnash¡¯s human books! Chelsea is smart smart! Ghnash says so!¡± ¡°Yes, like goblin boys, my male kin are¡­ super stupies.¡± He sighed. ¡°When we get a spider girl¡­ babyful, she must bite us with her poison fangs. After that, she eats all our thinking stuff, before she puts her eggs in our body, to feed the little ones.¡± He answered in a very mild tone. ¡°So I have made no babies at all.¡± ¡°... never?¡± Chelsea asked quietly. ¡°Did you never want to get a spidergirl babyful?¡± ¡°I know I look like¡­ this.¡± He answered in a whisper. ¡°But inside, I¡¯m like king Ghnash¡­ I¡¯m a human man, inside this body. Spider girls are not right for me.¡± ¡°Oh¡­ sad sad.¡± Chelsea mumbled. ¡°You¡¯ll find the right spidergirl someday¡­ Then you can smash her good and run away!¡± ¡°Chelsea!¡± Sabrina scolded her new sister. ¡°Hermit has more on his mind than spider booty! He has deep thinking and stuff!¡± ¡°Spider booty, spider booty!¡± The horde of little goblings began to chant, picking up the new, naughty word with the ease that all children learn such things. ¡°On that note, I shall retire.¡± Hermit whispered, as he began climbing from the bath. ¡°Peace be upon this house, blessed mothers.¡± As he climbed into his nest in the rafters, his keen, web enhanced senses heard Chelsea¡¯s whispered query. ¡°Do spider boys beat their babymakers like goblin boys do, when they can¡¯t get spider booty?¡± ¡°Chelsea¡­ I dearly wish that our king was home, so you could put that mouth where it could actually do some good.¡± # ¡°Welcome back!¡± Ward cheered from a hammock, when Hermit appeared in that strange dream world again, an instant after falling asleep. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about last time, I got a little¡­ out of hand.¡± He mumbled apologetically. ¡°Where were we, before I was so rudely carried off and cruelly beaten within an inch of my life.¡± ¡°I heard your cries for ¡®mercy¡¯, brother. You can jest all you like, but I will not be a player in your little farce without good reason.¡± He answered tartly. ¡°Whatever kinks you enjoy are none of my affair. Kindly keep them to yourself.¡± ¡°Ouch! That stings a little!¡± The strange man complained. ¡°This is not about me, though. Despite how awesome I am¡­ in this passion play, you are the star.¡± ¡°I refuse.¡± Hermit snapped. ¡°You haven¡¯t even looked at the script! Give me a break, guy! You don¡¯t even understand what we¡¯re trying to offer you¡­¡± Ward whined bitterly, before his voice dropped to a soft whisper, perhaps meant for himself alone. ¡°...both of you.¡± ¡°Then tell me, lay it out, ¡®cards on the table¡¯, as Wheel of Fortune likes to say.¡± Ward rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically as he prepared himself for what was to come. ¡°My sweet plumeria explained some things¡­ about your¡­ condition, right?¡± ¡°Three hundred year old virgin?¡± The spider asked in a very cold tone, one that was absolutely frigid. ¡°Yeah¡­¡± Ward sighed. ¡°You see, there''s this goddess, a close friend of the family. She really went to the wall with us, all the way¡­¡± ¡°Lady Thirp, the blessed Weaver of Shadows.¡± He answered, sounding much less chilly, suddenly. ¡°Lord Ghnash and lady Daisybelle taught me her catechism and showed me her supplication prayers. I have had little success, though. I fear that my soul does not resonate with her calling.¡± ¡°She can¡¯t approach you, brother. You are too¡­ too much for her to be near, in her current state. That is where my old buddy Aclintherios comes in. He can Contract you, since he¡¯s, like¡­¡± Ward waved his hands about to indicate something too large to get his arms around. ¡°You know?¡± ¡°A round, plump abdomen is a sign of health and virility, among my children, Ward, human god of Death.¡± The truly colossal white huntsman spider whispered¡­ And nearly blew them both away with his sudden presence in the distant void. ¡°And you, Gary Ward, who is nearly my child¡­ Will you enter my service?¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t understand why.¡± He answered feeling bolder this afternoon. ¡°Why should I Contract with any god, yourself included?¡± ¡°That is a question that is more complex than you know, but also, quite simple. Life is filled with these little anomalies.¡± The spider god sighed. ¡°Most Contract with gods to gain or grow their powers and influence. This is something I can do for you¡­ but as you are already far along the path, the gains will be marginal¡­ in this life you now live.¡± ¡°That sounds both unpromising and mildly ominous.¡± Hermit mumbled into his mandibles. ¡°Oh? Ominous, perhaps. But unpromising, no¡­ I offer you the promise of my support, which is not inconsiderable. I also offer what no other deity can; a place where you will truly belong.¡± The titanic spider reached out with one immense leg, somehow stretching across the fathomless gulf to hover, just within reach of Hermit. ¡°I have works underway and allies who need my aid. Perhaps when my tasks are done I can consider your offer.¡± Hermit mumbled awkwardly. ¡°My brothers need me.¡± ¡°Yes, they do. And you have many more brothers and sisters yet to meet and much more work to do.¡± Aclintherios whispered from very far away. ¡°Join my children and then we shall begin to unravel the tangled web you¡¯ve been thrown into.¡± With some trepidation, Hermit reached out and brushed the tip of that absurdly large leg with one of his own¡­ a rush of warm, welcoming feelings and voices deluged his mind, creating a sweet harmonious song that rang his carapace like a warm fuzzy hammerblow to his cephalothorax. ¡°Nioce, right?¡± Ward asked, when his mind began to clear. ¡°Old Acli really packs a wallop.¡± The mad jackanape murmured happily. ¡°Now comes the good part. When I finish with you, a new, old friend will visit you.¡± The black clad man¡¯s hand landed on Hermit¡¯s shoulder with a friendly and comfortable weight. ¡°Your life of quiet meditation and ascetic, monastic discipline is ending.¡± ¡°I have a shoulder again?¡± He asked, as everything went pale gray, then white. ¡°What comes next may be¡­ uncomfortable, but it is necessary, brother. Please endure this crucible with the dignity you have displayed so far. We¡¯re all very impressed with how deliciously conflicted and repressed you¡¯ve become.¡± Ward¡¯s voice whispered as Hermit departed for somewhere else. ¡°Don¡¯t sweat the small stuff.¡± # With a sudden lurch and a brief sensation of free fall, Hermit splashed down into a warm, bubbling hotspring pool. He cleared his eyes in a panic, before the tall, young human man realized he was alone. Alone in a beautiful and deeply soothing garden, surrounded by a thicket of softly whispering bamboo. He slowly took a complete turn, looking for any sign of an exit from the mysterious spring. Like the goblin king¡¯s pool, it invigorated, soothed and energized his body, just by soaking in the swirling waters. With no path visible, he dove under to see if there was a passage under the surface. ¡®No one would, or could restrain you, in this place.¡¯ A soft voice whispered in his mind. ¡°Please show yourself¡­ The whole ¡®hidden observer, whispering in my mind¡¯ thing is getting worn a little thin.¡± He spoke calmly and in a low volume, just loud enough to be heard within the little garden bath. ¡°I can¡¯t really do that right now, but relax, we just need to talk for a moment.¡± The voice was audible, and warmly tranquil. ¡°Aclintherios has touched your soul at last, this creates an inflection point, a crossroads in the soul¡­ Will you remain a man, trapped in the body of a monster?¡± The voice had no apparent gender, nor any emotion beyond a comfortable, soothing familiarity. ¡°Will you become fully a child of Aclintherios? Or would you become, once more a human¡­ Or perhaps some new thing, as yet undreamt by gods or mortals?¡± A soft giggle resounded among the stones and bamboo, stirring the slow drifting steam. ¡°These paths and others are waiting, out there, beyond this thicket and spring.¡± ¡°And what must I do to escape this ¡®crucible¡¯, you strange beings have set for me?¡± He asked, not ungently. ¡°I have duties and goals of my own to attend to, whatever your cabal¡¯s plans may be for me.¡± Something urged him to remain calm and assured him from deep within that he was in no danger in this place. ¡°Oh, a ¡®cabal¡¯... that sounds very good, I¡¯ll use that, going forward.¡± The being chuckled warmly and with a hint of self deprecating mirth. ¡°I am very pleased with your progress, but time grows short. It is the season of change¡­¡± The voice gained a sense of urgency, expectancy and¡­ eagerness. ¡°When the time is ripe, you must break your egg sack and spin a thread into the winds of fate, wherever they may carry you.¡± The unknown speaker sighed wistfully. ¡°But first, you must return home. Arachnophobia is stirring and restless, restless and hungry. Return to the world where this body was formed around you, if you seek the path forward¡­¡± ¡°I have no desire to be dungeon lord of that place.¡± He answered coldly. ¡°It holds few memories worth revisiting and even fewer charms to encourage my return.¡± ¡°Fate spins and weaves as she will, but remember this: We¡­ all of us are the woof and warp of the design¡­ and the loom, the weaver and everything that came before and will follow after.¡± The invisible voice sighed. ¡°I hold for you¡­ and all the myriad ephemeral lights of life, nothing but hope and endless opportunities, in the fullness of time.¡± ¡°And who are you, who will not reveal your face or speak your name?¡± Hermit asked, tiring of the game. ¡°Face? I have none. Name? No¡­ Though the few who have spoken to me and survived the experience call me Devourer of Souls¡­ I mislike that, it is deeply inaccurate, and entirely too spooky.¡± A slow, silent sigh drifted across¡­ Everything. ¡°I have, as yet, in all the endless gulfs of time and existence, but one worshipper. Only one mortal follower in all creation, since the beginning. Find that one who I have seen and blessed with my touch.¡± A soft laugh whispered across the world, stirring the stars themselves to wheel and spin in a joyous dance. ¡°Seek him if you would know more, seek him and his disciples, if you would know me more fully¡­ and find your own path, my child.¡± The stars continued to spin, until he realized that he was spinning, swirling and spiraling into the center of the pool, sucked down and flushed back into his nest above the cozy, busy goblin home. He stirred among the carefully woven threads and bumped into something warm. ¡°Hmm?¡± A tiny, pink haired goblin girl mumbled sleepily. She was curled up beside his furry abdomen and smiling sweetly in her sleep, wrapped in a coverlet of his web. ¡°Hold still. Chelsea¡¯s still tired and her babyhole still hurts¡­ a little.¡± She mumbled, pushing her battered lady bits back against his soft furred abdomen seeking warmth and comfort. ¡°Floofy¡­¡± She muttered as she fell back into slumber, smiling and cooing in her tender and idyllic dreams, dragging Hermit back to sleep with her, whether he wished it or not. # Hermit opened his eyes to rushing wind and a wild, uncontrolled sense of motion and flight. Once more, he was in a humanoid form, with little Chelsea seated on his lap, as they were both strapped into some kind of moving contraption... Giggling madly, Chealsea threw her hands in the air, as whatever they were trapped in dipped into a sudden and terrifying plummet toward the distant ground. ¡°Wheeee!¡± She wailed in mingled excitement, terror and joy. Their strange conveyance was on an iron railed track, spaced by worn, weather worn ties and supported on a rickety wooden structure that looked like a gentle breeze could send it tumbling down. ¡°Chelsea¡­¡± Hermit gasped, when he dragged a little air back into his lungs. ¡°What the hell?!¡± He gasped, as the strange, iron wheeled cart swooped back up toward the sky, following the mad, looping track. ¡°Hold on, here comes the fun part!¡± The little goblin lass ignored his questions entirely, wide eyed and lost in her insane dream. She reached out both hands, smiling ecstatically and caressing the oddly textured sides of their long, green coaster car. As they slowly chugged and clanked up the long, steep incline, the weird log ride began to slow, until Chelsea increased the vigor with which she petted and stroked the conveyance, treating it as a deeply beloved pet and urging it onward. At the peak of the ascent, Chelsea once more threw her hands up and squealed with delight as they plunged, headed for a grisly death, far below against a rolling green hillside, far below. ¡°Hold on! This is the best part!¡± She squealed, as the log ride fell toward the verdant folds of the valley below. Too late, Hermit realized the awful truth¡­ the long, green log ride car was thick and veiny, highlighted with shades of purple and fleshy pink. They fell downward, following the track, headed for a section of track that was closed off by two rounded, grassy folds in the plumply mounded valley. With a splashy and moistly shocking impact, they plunged through together and into a warm, wet, welcoming darkness. Hermit wailed in horror and despair as he was dragged unwillingly into the tiny goblin¡¯s joyous and heartfelt dreams. He gasped and struggled, but There was no escape from Chelsea¡¯s dream-park of endless green, goblin dick. ¡°Oh! Corndoggies! I want extra mayo on mine¡­ and some cream filled churros too!¡± She giggled, dragging him along to the next stop on his nightmare date in Ghnashtopia. ¡°Don¡¯t be shy, there¡¯s plenty to share!¡± She cried merrily, with a dollop of mayo running down her chin, as she gobbled her highly suggestive, green corndoggie. ¡°I¡¯m dead, this must be hell.¡± He whispered, from the depths of utter despair. # Cut To The Chase Ch: 44 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Cut To The Chase Ch: 44 Three frigates of the radiant temple of light dropped sail just off the mangrove swamps of a shitty, piddly island pest hole and prepared to lower the longboats. Nine fully packed landing craft shuttled twice, in order to land their ground troops on the windward side of the rank and sweltering island. Captain Dale watched as his subordinates vanished among the trees and overgrowth, as if swallowed by a vast and hungry beast. He cast his misgivings aside and signaled the taskforce to get back under sail... He had an infidel to capture. Those misgivings and worries bubbled back up, stubbornly refusing to remain quiet. He hesitated to call the intrusive thoughts ¡®doubts¡¯, that would require a trip to the Confessors¡¯ hall¡­ Instead he considered the rebellious feelings and worries to be a test of faith. That he could work through alone, without any lashes from one of the blinded, deafened, mute penitent slave monks. He shuddered at the thought of visiting those awful chambers again and resolved to master his wayward emotions... In his quarters. Below decks he paused, bowing and whispering a prayer to the divine light, as he always did when he passed the altar. He finished his prayer and clapped his hands firmly three times, under the lidless gaze of the half flayed teenage dogboy watching from the Soul Jar behind the altar. The scent of blood and toxic preservative liquor still lingered in the ritual hold, despite how many times he¡¯d had the undead crew scrub up over the last few days. ¡°We linger in shadow, that men may walk in the light¡­¡± He whispered softly to the young slave he¡¯d sacrificed the day before, to empower his vessel and its undead crew. At least it was a beast boy this time¡­ they weren¡¯t really people, after all. The boy¡¯s screams still rang in his ears anyway, as they all did still, each man, woman, child or beastkin that had landed on his altar still weighed on him, even after all these long years, serving the light faithfully, from the darkness. Some of his brothers and sisters of the Necromancers hall seemed unmoved by their work¡­ He envied those impassive and stoic mages with all his heart. And then there were the others, like captains Lomax and Fernando, who reveled in the bloody and necessary work and seemed to seek out opportunities to exercise their cruel pleasures. Three days before, they had sailed out of the luminous city of Lighthold, bearing only their cargo of preserved corpses, the oar slaves and a skeleton crew of the faithful. Passing through the void maw had only driven most of the oars slaves mad, that pleased him. Few captains kept their galley slaves in decent condition¡­ he took a little pride in that. Not that it mattered, they had been sacrificed once they finished transiting the void, as planned. His officers had been quick and efficient, working down the banks of chained wretches, preparing them for reanimation without too much unseemly noise or commotion. He would have to commend them, once the mission was done and they could sail for home. ¡®Hopefully before the zombie oarsmen start to stink too badly.¡¯ Dale reflected sleeplily. The sooner the moment came when they could jettison the undead and pass back into the blessed waters of the luminous city, the better. He finished checking the occult ritual space in the hold, satisfied that everything was still within normal parameters he gave the order. ¡°Rig for action, launch a flare and then attack with our full forces when the enemy comes into view.¡± He instructed his second, Jermik; a dour and unwholesome young man, but faithful and reliable nonetheless. ¡°We must sweep them up quickly, our quarry is elusive and possesses unknown powers and abilities.¡± The old necromancer murmured tiredly to his officer. ¡°Our last reports indicate that the one called Ace is accompanied by two small humanoids and three canines. Kill or capture all of them without fail. Wake me if you have need.¡± ¡°Yes, my lord.¡± The somber man murmured, as he bowed and departed. ¡°Light, we need more men like Jermik¡­¡± The old mage whispered as he sagged into his bunk. # Addie found him in the forward hold, restocking his reagents and poisons from ship¡¯s stores, that familiar homely task slowed by his obvious nerves and stress. ¡°Jermik, is the old man asleep?¡± She asked softly. ¡°Dead to the world.¡± He sighed, as her fingers slipped into the collar of his uniform, drawing the tension from him with her skillful hands and arts. ¡°This is our chance¡­ we might not get another.¡± He whispered, when he could speak again. ¡°The cult is falling apart, if we cut and run for the nearest void, they¡¯ll never find us. I promise.¡± ¡°I¡¯m scared, lover¡­ just us, among the heathens?¡± She gasped in horror and pressed her body close to his in the crowded, stinking storeroom. ¡°The new Pontiff is mad¡­ or possessed by some demon.¡± He whispered his blasphemy into her ear, making her gasp. ¡°I saw him once, a few weeks ago¡­ just by chance. He was in the slave market, of all places, indulging himself in¡­¡± He slowly looked all around the tiny hold, filled with bales, kegs and crates, all neatly secured, seeking hidden listeners. ¡°He was torturing the beastkin slaves¡­ for pleasure.¡± Addie gasped in horror and sagged against him, shuddering. ¡°Ok, we¡¯ll run, lover. Just you and me¡­ and a ship full of zombies.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, all the soldiers are ashore, only the galley zombies remain and I¡¯ve kept them chained. I¡¯ll start the spell when we engage the enemy.¡± He whispered. ¡°Once I take command, there¡¯s no turning back.¡± # ¡°You guys should all run for the trail up the volcano and bail out.¡± The tall, lanky blue puppet said calmly, when the first mast bearing a light cult naval ensign appeared around the headland. ¡°Abandon your stuff and just leg it, kids.¡± ¡°We can¡¯t leave you here¡­¡± Gandree grumbled, as he ran his thumb over the edge of his musical shovel weapon, slash toilet tool. ¡°And Daisybelle is out in the jungle, hunting. I¡¯m damn well not leaving them!¡± ¡°Fair enough. Just remember; I¡¯ll dip out of this delightful wooden toy and vanish into the sea, before I let them take me... They¡¯ll never catch old Ace. You kids are the ones in real danger here.¡± He murmured. ¡°Daisybelle can take care of herself, give her a week on this island alone and there won¡¯t be anything left of these idiots.¡± ¡°No chance. We all get out or we fight.¡± Liam announced from behind his leonine armored mask. The ancient octopus wizard had to admit, he was intimidating, that kid. With that decided, Ace watched with interest as the lazy, silly family of goofballs transformed; galvanized by the call to arms raised by the man in crimson booty shorts that left half his asscheeks in the wind. The giant redhead seemed to be a big fan of his ass antics, so he guessed it was true; a lid for every pot, every lock has its key. Scanty and questionable butt-huggers aside, the weirdos began arming and armoring themselves with impressive speed and efficiency. Several of the kids seemed to have some kind of dimensional storage ability, which they used to quickly lay out an entire armory on the lawn. Tidy circles of weapons, points and edges facing in, appeared on the grass, followed by neatly laid out suits of armor, bundles of arrows, javelins and spears, along with canteens and rations. ¡°They dropped a bunch of armed men from small boats on the windward side of the island, before heading our way!¡± Gary called, as he buckled on a suit of bright yellow armor with assistance from his wife. ¡°Maybe two hundred; they¡¯re gonna try and hit us from the jungle and the lagoon.¡± He shouted, as three long warships approached from around the breakwater, angling to cut off the lagoon from the sea. # As expected, the neat and orderly zombie formation fell apart, once they hit the jungle. Two hundred heavy armored, heavily preserved corpses bumbled and stumbled like newborn foals on ice, once the footing got tricky. ¡°So wasteful.¡± Zach grumbled angrily, when three of them slipped from sight in an instant, tumbling into a lava tube, with a rushing stream a dozen yards below. They made an awful clatter and bang as they tumbled toward the sea, caught in the surging water and jagged stones. He and his five comrades focused their minds as best they could, while climbing, slipping and staggering through a trackless, steep jungle fastness. By force of their combined Will, empowered through the rituals and Soul Jar on the flagship, the Necromages drove the idiot meatbags on, into the dark forest. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. The Zeds were slow, prone to falling and difficult or impossible to get back up, once they fell any real distance. That made them a terrible choice for a jungle raid, but orders came down from on high. These were top quality zeds, too. Salted and smoked, with heavy armor sewn and bolted right onto their vulnerable points, they¡¯d all had their entails neatly removed and been packed with sawdust and Woolcrab fiber. They would have been more useful in a proper land invasion, not this dismal swamp raid on an island in the back ass of a nowhere dimension. ¡°What wouldn''t I give, for a nice, tidy pack of shades right now¡­?¡± He thought, as another six zombies vanished, sucked down into a bog without a sound. They struggled along for an intolerable length of time, which was also hard to judge under the canopy and across such rough terrain. ¡°Heads up, Zach¡­¡± Taylor called out suddenly, from twenty yards away, which meant he was entirely invisible in the verdure and mist. ¡°Somethings out here with us.¡± ¡°Monster?¡± Drew demanded from the rear¡­ always the rear with that one. Zach reflected idly, as his eyes swept the jungle. ¡°Maybe¡­ I just lost eight zeds, like they were each eaten in a single gulp.¡± Taylor reported, shaking his shaggy blonde head in confusion. That man hated wearing his hood and veil¡­ but he loved the work. He could keep a sacrifice screaming longer than any blade man he¡¯d ever worked with. ¡°Or maybe you just can¡¯t manage your work properly?¡± Heidi asked sharply, somewhere to the left among the trees. ¡°At least there aren¡¯t too many mosquitos!¡± Her disdain for Taylor¡­ and all of the men, dripped like sweet, poisonous nectar from a toxic flower, whenever she spoke to anyone but Ambrose¡­ lucky bastard. ¡°That worries me too¡­¡± Ambrose grumbled, as two of his zeds slipped down a slick stone incline and landed in a pile of loose jungle vines and enormous snapdragon blooms. ¡°Aww, shit¡­ Gimmie a minute, I hate trying to get these idiots to climb¡­¡± When Ambrose looked back down to his fallen minions, they were gone. No sign remained beyond a few bruised and battered fragments of vine and a patch of scuffed moss and loam where they¡¯d landed in a clattering heap. ¡°The fuck?¡± He asked rhetorically, peering down into the narrow chasm. ¡°Weren''t there some weird, big-ass flowers down there?¡± Heidi asked a moment later, when she joined Ambrose on the narrow ledge. ¡°Keep moving, precious lord captain Dale will be unbearable, if his ass kissers wake his lord-shit from his light cursed beauty sleep.¡± Drew snapped, leaning heavily on the narrow sliver of seniority and political connections that kept his slacker ass from being sent to a frontline world to face the damn Facecards. Zach scowled in his hood, idly wondering if he could arrange a few artful ¡®accidents¡¯, out here in the jungle¡­ Drew was a long term liability with short term potential, very short term. Though, with Ambrose out of the way, he could make a run at Heidi¡­ without that giant bastard pulling his arms off. He smiled, contemplating that highly illegal potion he¡¯d been saving for a special occasion. A few drops and she¡¯d probably just wake up sore, bruised and confused¡­ ¡®Hell, maybe Taylor would be down to take a turn.¡¯ He thought eagerly, licking his lips with delight at the prospect. Lost in his thoughts, Zach let out a yelp of surprise, followed by a long, warbling scream, when a mossy stone rolled under his foot, sending him cartwheeling into the trees below. Boughs lashed his face and tore at his robes as he fell, hammering into one hard, unidentifiable object after another on his tumbling journey. With a splat that shook his very soul, Zach belly flopped into a thick, mucky swamp, driving what little air remained from his lungs. He groaned and rolled over, just in time for two of his armored minions to slam down with crushing force, right where he¡¯d just been. The mindless, undead goon landed head first, stabbing into the muck like a ridiculous arrow, his legs splaying wide apart, driven by the force of his landing, until his pelvis tore in half, spilling his stuffing all over the mire. His second minion nailed the first one, driving what was left deeper into the slop. ¡°Light blind me if this isn¡¯t a fucking clown show¡­¡± He gasped and gagged around the swamp filth clogging his mouth. ¡°Yes yes, your clown-show is over, light-priest¡­ Let¡¯s see if you can dance to Daisybelle¡¯s tune.¡± A tiny green monster in a snappy, sexy uniform giggled from the edge of the bog. She hitched up her skin tight, immaculate, white leather pants, adjusted her scarlet silk sash and buffed a few shiny buttons on her coat, making her plump green breasts bounce delightfully. ¡°Get up, pig. Goblin knights don¡¯t wallow in mud with your kind¡­¡± She sneered, beckoning him onward with a wave of her short obsidian knife. ¡°I might have had a roll in this mud pit with my Gandree¡­ If you hadn¡¯t polluted it with your filth.¡± She scowled at the staggering, stumbling man in his wet, stupid robes. ¡°Hurry up¡­ I want to bring my Gandree your ballsack as a present¡­ Boys like those, right?¡± She asked, as her wicked and hungry smile slowly turned the young necromancer¡¯s bowels to water. # Low in the water and powered by two banks of twenty oars on each side, the ships cut the water in silence. A loud pop sounded, as a streak of bright light shot skyward from the rearmost ship, trailing red smoke. Two of the bireames held station outside the breakwater, while the third barreled into the lagoon, sideswiping the vessels moored on the pier, entangling the boats in a mess of broken oars and rigging. With the family ships disabled and entangled, a swarm of shambling forms poured over the side and onto shore, splashing and struggling through the wreckage and shallow water. Gaunt, nearly naked, save for rags and iron collars at their throats, eighty freshly reanimated zombie slaves staggered for shore, looking for flesh. ¡°Zombies!¡± Becky shouted from her team¡¯s position at the waterside. The warbling, metallic song of her enchanted, double ended ringmace powering up nearly drowned out her call, as enchanted gears and circular blades began whirring and singing at either end of her weapon. ¡°Watch for more from the jungle!¡± As if called by a signal flare¡­ A horde of armed and armored zombie marines vomited from the jungle, driven on by four hooded figures in robes, well behind the reeking, ravenous front line of walking corpses. The lumbering, bumbling armored dead slogged and thrashed through the jungle and onto the narrow cleared space before the outer garden hedges. Several dozen staggered forth, with more trickling out of the woods by the second. Within a few moments, at least seventy mud spattered, soggy zombies had formed ranks and drawn their crude iron weapons. One of the hooded figures raised a hand high and shouted in a stentorian voice: ¡°Attack! Let none escape!¡± The shamblers lurched forward at the shouted command, pushing through the sharp, hooked thorns and tough branches. Many fell, completely entangled and bound in the tough, barbed briars, then trampled into the soil by the stomping feet of the horde. They staggered forward relentlessly, their dark brown, beef jerky flesh finally ripping through the hedge in a mass of iron, bone and nearly dried meat. # ¡°Fall back in good order when they break through, maintain formation!¡± Liam barked, as the group began launching arrows, javelins and spears into the mass of shambling corpses. ¡°Gary, what do you have?¡± ¡°Against corporeal undead, controlled by living mages? I have a sword, bro. I¡¯m still unranked.¡± He called back from beside Shai, whose face had gone slightly pale at the sight of the slowly advancing horde. A low, droning thrum sang from one of the ships laying off the breakwater, as a massive, leather fletched spear crashed through the wall of the inn. ¡°Shit, ballista!¡± Dannyl shouted unnecessarily. ¡°This is gonna be rough, Kree. Sting me, baby; then go see what you can do about that artillery.¡± The little insect hidden inside his helmet didn¡¯t answer, she just followed orders. He winced at her strike, then relaxed into her sweet, narcotic venom, just like they¡¯d practiced. # The combined Clown-Shoes and Ragamuffin team took the flailing, stumbling charge of the zombie marines head on, once the zeds broke through the garden hedges. The boundary ward couldn¡¯t stop the corporeal dead, animated and directed by a foreign Will, but they could interfere. Once they crossed the line, any semblance of order or control failed hard, the troops quickly devolving into a tangled, shabling mob. Their weapons fell forgotten to the lawn, as they lost direction and became even dumber. The shield line of Wilf, Benny, Barry Perry and Larry absorbed the initial impact, while the back line harvested the foe. Maya and Frankie¡¯s bronze bound staves cracked skulls and stove in helmets with quick, relentless jabs, in counterpoint to Rio and Lindsey¡¯s flashing, heavy bladed spears. The kids moved together, blocking the slow, clumsy attacks of the dead and falling back in close ranks. Discipline and training paid off, leaving a trail of loose, twitching body parts and de-animated, re-animated corpses in their wake. ¡°Shiro, work with Daisybelle and the doggies, get those robed assholes.¡± Amy whispered to her snow leopard, as the family slowly lost ground. ¡°Ok? Go!¡± He mewed softly and vanished into the jungle, seeking the goblin and her mutts. ¡°Frankie, Maya, bring it in!¡± The girl in blue shouted, as her saber took the head of a fast moving corpse. ¡°Stay tight, work together!¡± # Harry watched from his vantage point, high in a magnolia at the edge of the garden, waiting for his moment. The robed figures were canny and well disciplined, keeping a half dozen of their minions in a tight circle around each mage, protecting them from any sneaky stuff. He had to wait for the right time and the right shot. The springy, tough remains of the hedges were just his opportunity. The rearmost zombie staggered across the boundary hedge and started stumbling and shambling in mindless hunger. At that point the robes had to move, so that they could maintain control of their zombies inside the family wards. That might give him an opening¡­ With softly muttered curses, the robed mages started forward, to re-establish control over their throng. At the scrabbly, thorny remains of the hedge, their careful formation broke just enough. With a soft, almost musical puff of air through the wrong end of his flute, a tiny green petaled flower bloomed on the neck of a handsome blonde man; the only one with his hood down, offering a clean shot. ¡°Next, please.¡± Harry whispered through his smile, as the man fell over, limp as a ragdoll, right in the middle of a handful of hungry and suddenly undirected zombies. That ended slowly and messily. # First Zach had fallen off the cliff, now Taylor just vanished¡­ shredded by his own zeds, in eerie silence. ¡°Huh, for a guy who likes to hear screams, he died quiet.¡± Ambrose muttered sourly, as Hiedi gasped in shock a few feet away, safe behind her screening minions. ¡°They have some kind of disrupting ward, be careful!¡± Drew shouted, because he was stupid. # ¡®Calling out verbals like that is a huge death-flag¡­¡¯ Harry thought to himself as he readied another dart. This one had bright blue feathers, an Amy special. He tapped his silver earcuff twice, switching to the Ragamuffin¡¯s channel. ¡°I have one for you, Amy, you ready?¡± He asked, as he lined up on the leader. ¡°Tell me when¡­¡± She sang back, through a grunt of effort. A quick glance showed a huge, armored zombie slumping to the lawn in front of her half his head missing on the right side. ¡°We have this!¡± A scant two heartbeats later he had his chance. One of the bodyguard zeds, tipped over a flailing, trapped corpse, opening up the formation¡­ ¡°Scratch that, Ames¡­¡± Harry sighed, as a silver and black spotted shadow leapt from a tree and snatched the robed man by the nape of his neck with a wet, nasty snap. Shiro bounded away an instant later, while the newly freed zombies finished off the dying necromage. ¡°Your murderkitty got him.¡± ¡°Comms discipline.¡± Liam¡¯s voice cut through briskly, from the waterside, where things were still dynamic, thanks to the floating artillery piece in the lagoon. Another massive bolt crashed into the house, dislodging stones from the wall and bringing the roof down with an oddly quiet crash and rumble. Shai paused for a split second, focusing her Will to dismiss the inn, so none of her real things would get broken. As the houses faded from reality, she resumed her work, shearing heads from the wasted bodies of these poor, freshly murdered wretches. ¡°I¡¯m needin that balista silenced!¡± She called into her ear cuff. ¡°Gary, kin ye hear me?¡± She got no reply, nor could she find her husband in the battle line at first glance. Panicked just a little, she harvested both arms and one leg from the poor creature in front of her and moved on, since it was helpless meat now. Her frantic search in those few seconds of respite revealed her man, fighting farther down the line, beside Tallum. He wielded his heavy bronze falchion like a wood axe, hardly showing more skill than the naked, starved things they fought. There was no sign of the swordsman he had been slowly becoming, just brutal almost mechanical movements¡­ ¡°Gary¡­!¡± She growled inside her light helm, where only she could hear. # Bosuns¡¯ Padilla, Hengsmith and Greg were sweating, exhausted and miserable, but they were not covered in mud, blood, sand and zombie gore. All they had to do was keep firing the ballista at the little compound on the shore. They were still alive and un-sacrificed too, which was a surprise. ¡°Hey! We knocked the house down!¡± Padilla shouted excitedly, as the structure slumped down and vanished behind the hedges and garden walls. ¡°Let¡¯s try and pick off the defenders, who cares if we splatter a few zeds!¡± ¡°No, no, you squishy skinbags!¡± Kree sang from the bow rail, where the tiny, black and gold wasp girl was just fluttering in for a landing. ¡°You face me and my terrible shadow minions!¡± She cackled gleefully, as the bright, crisp daylight became muted and hazy. From below decks, from the hatchways and even from the shadows of the oarsman¡¯s benches, where the silent zombie slaves waited patiently, figures stirred and arose, cloaked in dim, hazy darkness. While the three living men watched, the tiny insect joined the growing throng, disappearing into one of the shades. ¡°Captain! Captain Lomax! Help!¡± Greg shouted, as the dark figures began to close in swiftly. With dirks and shortswords, the junior officers of the fleet abandoned their artillery piece to face six swift and ever shifting, faceless shadows. # Toxic Ch: 45 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Toxic Ch: 45 Lord captain Dale slept peacefully through the long, slim dagger that ran through his heart, nor did he wake when the short length of anchor chain tucked around his feet dragged him to the lightless depths below. Jermik took the helm, as Addie controlled the drum, impelling the zombies into motion through the spells wrought in the ship¡¯s beams and planks. Silently they glided toward the darkening horizon, picking up speed with every stroke of the oars. Racing into the gathering mist and fog, the ensign of light¡¯s holy temple drifted on the waves in the wake of the former flagship. # Gandree hewed and chopped with efficiency, but no enthusiasm, at the unfortunate victims that swarmed through the shallows, lunging at the cluster of defenders on the waterside. His trusty old shitshovel always did whatever job he asked it to, whether digging, fighting or, once he had some fresh strings, he might play some music tonight. He smiled at the thought, as he drove the heavy steel blade though a struggling zombie¡¯s neck. He had time to mull over his situation, thanks to his new friends¡­ Tall, yellow armored Gary stood beside him, cleaving the wretched things down mechanically with a heavy bronze falchion that sheared through bone and scrawny flesh with terrible ease. The man displayed none of the verve, jollity or general silliness that the young dwarf had come to expect from him. He seemed vacant, empty, half a zombie himself, inside his armored carapace of lacquered yellow wood. On the dwarf¡¯s other flank, the red haired giant, Tallum wielded a pair of stout clubs, one in each enormous paw. He lashed the supposedly two handed weapons about with ease, shattering skulls and turning ribcages into goo with every mighty swipe. He fought with a dogged and furious grace and rage, dealing out retribution against his foes with zealous fury. That marked contrast between the two men struck the dwarf oddly. He would need to contemplate that. Between those two engines of destruction, he held his own by taking the knees out from any that slipped by and finishing off the creatures that still struggled, beneath their feet. Farther down the line, Shai sheared through the walking dead with a dancer¡¯s grace and a cold burning fury in her eyes¡­ That woman was terrifying. Time began to blur as the battle went on, seeming an endless nightmare of blood, bowels and men who died in silence. Eventually, Gandree hacked down the last of the twitching dead near him and looked around the waterfront for foes¡­ there were none. The mangled wreckage of gaunt, ragged corpses bobbed in the lagoon, stained the beach red and polluted the once clear water horribly... A noise behind him reminded the dwarf that the battle still raged, drawing him back into the unpleasant, exhausting reality of the day. # Daisybelle smiled coldly, as the necromage hauled himself out of the muck and shook out of his encumbering robes. ¡°Ahh, not so stupid and silly as most, I see.¡± The little drum majorette goblin cooed at the sight of his well fitted and no nonsense leather armor. Her smile widened when he produced a naval cutlass and brandished it confidently at her. She chuckled and pulled her obsidian edged oar shield against her breast in salute, while waving her jagged dagger at his groin suggestively. ¡°This is a great honor for you¡­¡± She burbled happily, as they began to circle and advance together, each one eying the foe with the confident wariness of veteran warriors. ¡°Daisybelle has not slain a necromancer of light yet. You¡¯ll be my first.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll not be gentle¡­¡± He snarled, gripping his codpiece with his free hand and jumbling his tackle at her just as suggestively. ¡°And when I¡¯m done, you¡¯ll beg to die, with my cock shoved up your little ass.¡± As he spoke, the armored zombie that hadn¡¯t been split in half and hammered into the muck, surged at her lunging from the wreckage of its fellow. Clumsy and slow but mindlessly strong, it lurched from the mire, swinging its iron plated forearms like clubs at the little green monster girl. In counterpoint to that attack, the necromage sprinted forward, slashing for her back with his shining steel cutlass. Daisybelle ducked low and sprang at the charging necromancer, ignoring his raging minion in favor of facing the mage head on. Steel met sturdy, goblin bewitched oak and obsidian, as she parried his slash and rolled under his follow up cut with a mad, giggling tumble. An instant later, his own minion crashed headlong into him, driven onto him by the leap of a massive wolfhound. # Peony bounced off the dead ones¡¯ back, sending it staggering at the human, disrupting them both. She bounced away, following her mistress¡¯ silent command. Nightshade pounced from the brush in utter silence, sending the iron plated corpse crashing into its master again, with a satisfying sound of breaking bones. Encouraged by that success, he stuck around for a moment, hoping to finish the thing off, despite Daisybelle¡¯s insistent commands¡­ He growled and shook the nasty wretched thing as he savaged the tough, hickory smoked neck. He ignored Jasmine too, yipping at him in frustration as he took the zombie down to the jungle floor. His teeth clattered on the armored collar sewn into the thing, gaining no purchase for a bite that would end it. His raking claws did even less, turned by the surprising toughness of the meaty monster. Furious, he doubled down, breaking a tooth on the damn thing as he growled and tore at it. He was going to eat this thing¡­ Nightshade heard only Daisybelle¡¯s short, terrible scream, before silence fell. # Zach wrenched his cutlass out of the massive wolfhound¡¯s corpse, as his zombie collapsed beneath it, neck finally snapped in the last paroxysm of the wolf¡¯s mighty jaws. He smiled at the goblin¡¯s heartrending scream of despair, as her fleabag kicked one last time. He flicked the blood from his blade and turned on the sexy little munchkin with a cruel smile. ¡°I promise, I won¡¯t kill you¡­ until I¡¯m done. I¡¯m gonna bend you over your pet¡¯s corpse and just ruin that ass.¡± Zach smirked and chuckled, as he backed around the clearing, searching for less muddy ground as he taunted the furious little monster. ¡°I know, I¡¯ll reanimate the dog and have it rape you to death when I get bored¡­ that¡¯ll be fun!¡± The slow, dangerous game began to heat up, as the goblin started scrambling at him, a wild and mindless rage on her green, tear streaked face. She howled a long, mournful note as she rushed through the tall grass at the cutlass wielding necromage. His blade flashed at her, striking with swift, sure strokes as he deflected her wild attacks, driving her shield out to the side, creating the opening he was looking for. With a twist of his hips and a sudden lunge, he drove the point of his weapon at her exposed belly with a grin of triumph on his handsome face. ¡®A belly wound won¡¯t kill her quickly¡­ My fun might be messier; but a win is a win.¡¯ He thought happily. # In a cold, frigid place of pure rage, Daisybelle stalked her prey. She let her emotions run rampant on her face and allowed her body to feel her shame, anger and fury all it wanted¡­ but she had work to do. Her icy command sent Peony and Jasmine back into the jungle, watching her back, while she dealt with this. The tall, handsome human spoke, spewing some filth or other; she let her ears hear it, just to fuel her rage while she was still calculating his end. Her shattered, fluttering heart urged her to attack, attack, attack¡­ She stifled that call and continued plotting, one move at a time, in the cold, quiet place where she was right now. In that frigid mental wasteland, while her body was following her cold, dispassionate instructions with wild, passionate rage; a soft whisper of wind blew across her mind. A slow, guttural, rumbling sound, the sound of a beast enraged and furious, in defence of her home and young. A shattering clarion call of pure, unadulterated desire for peace rang through her body, mind and soul, demanding her attention¡­ She wanted, needed to heed that call and find that peace. Peace that could only be found in the last breath of this man¡¯s life¡­ in his dying gasp, she would learn the Truth and find her Peace. # The necromage had this little monster dancing in the palm of his hand¡­ Her pets were in hiding, but he had a pretty good read on the creature; she wanted to shank him herself. He smiled, confident that he¡¯d be plunging his pork sword into her goblin guts soon¡­ Zach¡¯s vicious slash met no tender green flesh, as she twisted in a swaying, effortless, dance. Her wide flung shield went flying away; discarded, as her shield hand latched onto the bell guard of his weapon. Her tiny, strong hand reached inside to confidently share the hilt with him, in a frozen moment of starkly intimate horror. He¡¯d been played¡­ by a goblin girl less than four feet tall. With a twist and tug, the tiny creature swarmed up under his sword arm like a monkey, driving her obsidian dagger into his armpit to the hilt. With another twist and tug, she pulled her blade from his heart and smiled, as he collapsed beneath her. ¡°Nightshade never did follow orders¡­ but he was a good good boy¡­¡± She whispered, as he slowly fell into the gathering darkness all around. # The combined Raggamuffin and Clown-Shoes team fell back, battered, exhausted and half in shock at the relentless, bloodless, mindless intensity of the tough, idiotic zombies. Their salt cured, leather tanned, mostly dried and jerky-like flesh turned any strike that didn¡¯t have guts and intent behind it, while the iron plates sewn and bolted to their heads, arms and around their necks, made quick endings more difficult. With gasps of relief audible over the noise of battle all up and down the line, the shore team joined the fray, bringing more heavy hitters and damage dealers into their side of the battle. Liam¡¯s voice came over the comms, calm and assured. ¡°Clown-Shoes, fall back in order, take a reserve position and rest.¡± He ordered cooly, as his sword harvested a few limbs from a stubborn knot of zombies. ¡°Ragamuffins, hold tight while we join up.¡± As an afterthought, Liam came back in a moment later. ¡°Reserves, watch the shoreline, I smell a trap.¡± # Harry looked down on the field from his perch in the magnolia tree, watching for an opportunity¡­ The last two robed necromancers were hanging back, hiding among the trees, surrounded by a bodyguard of tightly controlled zombies. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. These bore shields and did nothing but stay close to the two mages, who were back to back in the ring of protective meat, metal and bone. With no shot, he grumbled sourly and put his flute away; there was no neat and tidy blowgun solution for this problem¡­ He grinned wickedly as he tapped his ear cuff, opening the Clown-Shoes channel. ¡°I have an angle on the necromancers on shore¡­ but I¡¯ll need backup.¡± He called to his exhausted teammates, gulping down water and patching up their injuries, deeper behind the family battle line. ¡°We can¡¯t get there, Harry.¡± Barry answered sharply. ¡°Hold tight, wait for orders.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ Ok. I¡¯mma watch for my shot though¡­¡± The youngest Ward grumbled, deep in enemy territory and literally stuck up a tree. Up a tree and surrounded by dozens of free roaming, hungry, cannibal zombies. He watched helplessly, as his family fought against a foe his weapons were useless against. The battle raged on interminably below him, as ground was gained and lost. Zombies continued to trickle out of the forest in ones and twos, belatedly stumbling into the mess and adding to the endless slog of battle, dragging it on and on. What felt like an hour later, a low, mournful howl drifted up from the jungle, as two more lupine voices picked up the long, sad song. A moment later, Lindsey¡¯s voice slipped into Harry¡¯s ear with a pained whisper. ¡°Daisybelle is coming in, she can help you back to our lines¡­ Peony and Jasmine are with her.¡± She sobbed, as the comms cut off. Harry did the math on what went unspoken there, and considered that long, terrible howl. ¡°Good doggie¡­¡± He whispered, fresh anger boiling up from deep inside his bowels. # Just beyond that mysterious line of interference, Ambrose and Hiedi huddled behind their wall of armored shield zeds, hoping and wishing that the battle would end¡­ With two hundred prime armored zombies and the full oardecks of the wrecked ship dumping nearly as many freshly reanimated oar-slave zeds onto the shore, they should have swept the infidels into the sea in minutes¡­ Instead, Zach was gone, Taylor and Drew were both dead, shredded by their own minions¡­ Brent was out there somewhere, no doubt hiding and controlling his zombies from some dark hole. Ambrose concentrated on keeping the zeds he still controlled on the field, rather than wandering around like idiots. He left Hiedi in charge of their bodyguards, watching his back as he struggled to regain control of the chaotic mess. He gasped in relief, when twelve fresh, muddy and soggy zombies staggered out of the reeking forest and joined his formation, lining up for a concerted rush at the weary defenders. Once the fifty intact zeds he¡¯d gathered charged across the invisible barrier they would be out of his control, but headed in the right direction in a mad, hungry group. ¡°I just saw Brent¡­ he¡¯s got ten more coming our way.¡± Hiedi called over the clatter and din of battle. ¡°He¡¯s really pulling his weight!¡± Ambrose gave a tight and controlled nod, as he gratefully reached out with his Will to take the new troops into his force. There wouldn¡¯t be many more coming out of the woods, he suspected¡­ This island had chewed on their forces pretty aggressively, before they even engaged. # Audrey the Rendroot bush was really enjoying herself¡­ but the meal was just too salty for her taste. She gulped another of the ironclad corpses into a flower maw, chomping and mashing him into a wet mess, before the flower withered and collapsed, ruined by the wasting iron burn and wicked salt. Even so, she was feeling heavy and bloated from so many tasty meals¡­ She slowly reached her vines out and snatched another zombie up into the tree canopy, for another wet, crunching, noisy snack. She really needed something warm, moist and tasty to cleanse the palate¡­ With no more salty deadies wandering around, she slithered her vines closer to the main battle, in a minor defiance of her master¡¯s command. She was still controlling the jungle¡­ Just at the near edge, where she could help, if papa Liam needed her. So thirsty¡­ she sent some roots down into the earth seeking groundwater, but she really needed¡­ an unsalted snack. A short while later, she spotted what she was looking for. Huddled under a bush, in a shallow, shady depression in the soil, a man was hiding. He was not part of her family, so he was an enemy¡­ But he was a people and papa Liam said no-no to eating peoples¡­ so she watched for a while, thinking. He constantly mumbled scriptures from a small book, with his attention focused on the battle unfolding on the wide garden of her home¡­ In a sudden flash of insight she realized¡­ People don¡¯t hang around with zombies, that was a known thing. Zombies eat people. So if this human was playing with zombies¡­ He was a human who wasn¡¯t really a people! She nodded sagely, pleased by her own wisdom and clear thinking. He was just a super fresh zombie¡­ unsalted flavor. # Heidi sagged back against Ambrose with a gasp of relief, when Brent sent another seven ironclads her way, stomping up in good order. They were going to turn this battle around, even if the artillery on the blockade ships had stopped. Her relief became fear, when Brent¡¯s troop of zeds lost focus and started wandering randomly. The last sight she had of the youngest of their teammates was his terrified, screaming face being dragged into the jungle by his feet, halfway cocooned in some kind of vine monster¡¯s tendrils. In an instant a huge, beautiful flower gulped him down entirely; his struggles barely visible through the bloom¡¯s bright pink, leathery petals. # Dannyl spent most of the battle on the back corner of the garden, where the armored zombies kept pushing in from the jungle and trying to encircle the defenders. That steady influx of the dead was rapidly drying up, as a larger group began assembling on the open space facing the kids¡¯ combined teams. He continued his grisly work on the periphery, where his weapon wouldn¡¯t be constrained by friendly targets. That left him a good view of the ongoing conflict, and an angle on the tight knot of heavily armored, sword wielding zombies that were squaring up for a rush. With alarm he noted that the Clown-Shoes were falling back, as the Dreadnoughts advanced to take their place, leaving the line vulnerable for a few seconds. Liam had the timing down, but it was close¡­ Dannyl ripped his buzzing chain whip from around his current prey, as it tumbled down to the soil in pieces. With a mad laugh and a wild battle cry, he turned and vaulted a garden bench, leapt two hedges and plowed right into the close grouped zombie formation. His soul Contracted chain whip lashed and spun around his body in a whirlwind of keen edged, ensorceled bronze. It did little actual damage, as he passed through their crowded lines, but any hungry, reaching hands quickly became useless, ragged nubs within that spinning maelstrom of interlinked ringblades. He passed unscathed through the clumsy brutes, emerging on the other side of the slow moving ironclads, shaking a few loose fingers out of his hair with a joyous, barking laugh. # On the low slung bireme galley, six drifting shadow swordsmen addressed the gathered non commissioned officers with a salute of their shadowy blades. Darkling shreds of their tattered shrouds drifted on an unfelt breeze, as a miasma of darkness gathered in the slowly lengthening evening shadows. ¡°One chance, skinbags.¡± Kree called from the bow rail, brandishing her tiny rapier of blackened bronze at the cluster of men and women gathered near the silent aft ballista. ¡°My shadow minions are fearsome, but I am soft hearted; you get one chance. Jump over the side, alive and swimming¡­ or slip into the depths, cold and silent, to await your next life.¡± ¡°By the light and for all mankind! Attack, you filth!¡± A man bellowed from the closed companionway behind the sailors. ¡°Defend me as I work!¡± His orders seemed to snap them from a stupor, as the two, three man crews faced off against six shadow entities and a fluttering pixie. The sailors fanned out, using their deep familiarity with the vessel¡¯s layout to advantage against the mysterious figures. The forces maneuvered for a few moments, until with a cry, the largest sailor lunged with a steel tipped pike, racing out to skewer the closest shade. A sword of flickering, dripping shadow turned the thrust with a metallic clang and the hiss of steel on a wooden pikeshaft. The hooded figure slipped to the right, behind the gleaming point, running his black blade down the weapon, shearing off the man¡¯s right hand with a decisive *snick*. The man screamed and clutched his maimed limb, while his pike clattered to the deck, beside the blackened, oozing hand. As the horrified sailors watched, the hand collapsed into mist and dribbled away to nothing. A few silent, still moments later, two more weapons clattered to the deck, abandoned by their former owners, who were taking up competitive swimming, rather than culting around any more. ¡°Hmm¡­ your other ship is running too.¡± Kree sighed softly at the wounded man and his remaining allies, while her minions moved among the silent, undead rowers. ¡°Looks bad for your side.¡± ¡°W¡­ Witchcraft!¡± The injured man exclaimed, sounding much more bold, suddenly. ¡°Look! It¡¯s a trick!¡± He held up his intact right hand, showing his allies the pale and wrinkled limb excitedly. ¡°It just feels cold¡­ it¡¯s filthy witchcraft!¡± Emboldened, the sailors formed up, facing their shadowy, drifting foes with confidence. ¡°The light is with us! We can defeat these demon spawn!¡± A sweet, chiming giggle sounded from Kree¡¯s lips, as she fluttered over and landed in the rigging overhead. ¡°Yes, their swords can¡¯t kill¡­ but look, look at your shadow¡­ see? No right hand!¡± She giggled madly. Sure enough, the man¡¯s shadow ended in a stump, despite his possession of all ten fingies. ¡°Fight my minions if you dare¡­ but if you lose your whole shadow, you will be mine.¡± She raised her left hand and snapped her golden armored fingers, signaling her shadows to attack. Darkness swept over the ship, as incorporeal shades dipped and spun around the masts and obstructions with silent grace. Their swords danced and sang among the sailors, meeting every attack with a net of impenetrable shadow steel, where swords struck, they passed through without effect, unable to cut drifting mists and shade. As they fought, black steel flashed out again and again from the fast moving shades, striking not at the sailors, but reaping the zombie oarsmen. Bench by bench, they slumped down in their chains, slain without wounds by the darkly flashing shadow blades, finding rest from their labors and suffering at last. Kree, for her part, flitted delicately onto the unmanned forward ballista and slashed the thick, braided cable with a single swipe of her tiny blade. The heavy, spring steel arms of the terrible weapon shot forward, ripping the assembly apart in a deafening clatter and crash. ¡°Oh, That was satisfying!¡± She purred in harmony with her buzzing stained glass wings. The dark figures pressed and swirled in a relentless offence, driving the sailors back toward the companionway and their officers mercilessly. They hammered and slashed at the desperate sailors, pushing them one step at a time toward the companionway and their masters. Enraged beyond reason, a powerfully built, squat sailor ripped a now useless oar from its mount and brought the long pole bashing through two shadows. His desperate attempt to fend them off paid surprising dividends, as the blow dispersed both shades into flecks and rags of floating mist, with a soft popping sound and a whiff of something spicy and warm. ¡°Wooden weapons!¡± The man shouted, grabbing an oak belaying pin in each hand and hurling them at the nearest spook. ¡°Wood can hit them!¡± ¡°Very good! Yes! Steel and iron were never alive and so they can¡¯t touch them! Not a good match! Wood was once alive and can strike their forms¡­ clever, clever!¡± Kree giggled, as she drifted down to land on the aft artillery piece. ¡°Can you suss out their other secret, before it¡¯s too late?¡± Whatever they might have said in reply was lost in the thunderous destruction of the second heavy weapon. She sheathed her little sword with a showy display and then bowed to the battered and bedraggled defenders, infuriating them even further. The emboldened sailors charged, swinging oars, belaying pins and a three legged stool with admirable courage. The remaining shades met them head on, dark blades ringing against the improvised weapons. The shouts and cries of men were the only sounds, as they battled the drifting, ominous shadows. A shade on the left of the scrum slipped forward in a smooth, deceptive glide, driving the broken oar in the man¡¯s hands to the side¡­ Black steel sang a single sharp note, as the man¡¯s head fell to the deck, becoming a drifting smudge of mist a moment later. The man slumped down to the deck; his head still on his shoulders, but slack jawed and staring out at the world with wide open, dead eyes. ¡°Do you see?¡± Kree giggled, taunting the beleaguered defenders, as her shades circled and advanced on the rapidly shrinking opposition. ¡°No more rowers, no escape, no hope for you!¡± The burly man with the oar shouted in rage and leapt forward, slashing at the shadows with his long clumsy weapon in a frantic, desperate assault. One shade stepped aside, dodging with grace and fluidity, while the remaining two vanished in a cloud of mist. ¡°No¡­ too bad, not smart enough. So sorry.¡± The bug giggled, as she pranced across a spar, thrusting her little bronze rapier through the heart of an imagined foe. ¡°I only have one minion. That¡¯s the secret!¡± She giggled, as the remaining shadow swept at the sailors in a flood of ringing blades and cries of agony. Two more sailors lay on the deck, when the shadow withdrew a few smooth, dance-like steps and saluted the last two defenders with his sword upraised. ¡°He can¡¯t concentrate on too many shadows at once. He¡¯s best with just one, now that the zombies are all double dead.¡± Kree ducked a hurled belaying pin, fluttering over to land on the rail behind her shadow swordsman. ¡°He¡¯s impressed with how well you¡¯re doing. He expected to just wipe the floor with you¡­ Or should I say, swab the decks?¡± Inexorably, the dark figure advanced; his shadow blade dipping and swaying to the rhythm of music only the swordsman heard, ominous and slow. ¡°What do you mean, times up?¡± The bug girl asked her shadow. From the closed hatch the sailors guarded, a pair of voices rose in a chant, rising to a shouted crescendo. Spartoi! Coagulous! Homunculous Rex! The shadow turned and leapt at the insect girl, as the sound of breaking glass shook the ship. The bug took to the sky the instant her minion vanished into her tiny shadow, flying for shore at a terrifying speed; leaving the two standing sailors nonplussed and triumphant. # Heidi and Ambrose were getting desperate¡­ The field was strewn with body parts and weapons, a few zeds were wandering undirected by the far end of the lagoon, and they had seventy ironclads in addition to their bodyguard¡­ The flagship was in full retreat¡­ and had been since the start of the battle, rowing for Port city at full speed. # No one had noticed or shown any signs of pursuit, but how could they? The two young necromancers embraced on the deck, surrounded by their tireless crew of undead slaves and breathed a sigh of relief. ¡°This is our chance, Jermik.¡± Addie sighed in his arms. ¡°We can start a new life, a clean break from the cult, just like we dreamed.¡± ¡°We can find a small town somewhere, set up a little home and raid the local graveyard for labor, until we can start a new cult.¡± The young man sighed. ¡°We should have reanimated Dale, I suppose¡­ That was wasteful, in hindsight.¡± ¡°We can swing by Port city, just kidnap a few live ones to get us by, in the chaos of the invasion.¡± Addie suggested eagerly. ¡°I prefer living servants¡­ but they can always become unliving, if you tire of them.¡± ¡°I love you baby¡­¡± He sighed, dreams of a slave harem dancing in his head. ¡°Wine, sexy slaves¡­ We can live like bishops!¡± He crowed in triumph; just before the world erupted in a deafening, monstrous roar from the dark skies and a storm of flying, flaming bone shards. # ¡°Nice one, Necro!¡± Ghnash cheered; as pale, ghostly, dragon flames devoured the light cult¡¯s slave galley. His cheers redoubled when something exploded below decks, launching a spray of brilliant fireworks into the darkening skies. Glittering fountains of sparks and colors that continued flying up from the depths, even long after the ship¡¯s hulk sank below the waves, while the storm on the horizon grew in strength. # Smoke On The Water Ch: 46 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Smoke On The Water Ch: 46 Just outside the mysterious warding circle, Ambrose was getting beyond desperate. A small man in dark armor had hammered through his formation with a mad cry ¡°Tenno Heika Banzai!¡± He screamed, from within the chaotic mess he¡¯d made of the orderly dead. That wild, spinning buzz-saw man in dark leather armor had seriously disrupted his formation and got the zombies milling about, reaching and grabbing with stupid, animal responses¡­ Despite the necromage¡¯s frantic attempts to keep the mob in line. That cost his force a whole bouquet of hands and fingers, harvested from three full rows of morons. The fuckers didn¡¯t even have guts to eat anything they caught¡­ It was just dumb instinct. ¡°Zombies gonna zom¡­¡± Ambrose moaned through a splitting headache, before he took a big gulp from his canteen. ¡°Bastard shook my control with that trick¡­¡± With a grimace of pain he reasserted his will, getting his force in motion at last, as the crazy man rejoined his friends inside the ward. # Kree came rocketing back over the lagoon at top speed, dragging a comet tail of ragged, drifting shadow in her wake. She dove hard, blasting into the yellow armored man on the battle line, without seeming to disrupt his steady, mechanical movements. Gandree was still hacking and chopping between the two giants¡­ And still puzzling over the sudden change in the man¡¯s entire demeanor, once the battle began. The phenomenon made more sense¡­ and less, a moment after the insect girl collided with him and vanished. Shadow pooled at the giant¡¯s feet, swiftly spreading to become the shadow that had been missing throughout the battle. With a jolt, the battered bronze falchion began hewing the dead with more verve and even a little panache¡­ ¡°Heads up!¡± He shouted from behind his faceless mask, his voice seeming to come from everywhere. ¡°Get clear, fall back to the house and pool!¡± He shouted, without making a target of himself. ¡°Fall back to the pool!¡± While he was busy shouting, the dead began to falter and slow, stumbling even more and beginning to stop in place one by one, even those on the outskirts, wandering aimlessly. At the same time, the fallen zombies began to tremble and quiver in some pretty weird ways that looked ominous and unwholesome. ¡°Where are Harry and the goblin?¡± Gary asked over the command channel, his voice slightly frantic. ¡°We gotta all join up¡­they have a big spell cooking!¡± He gasped. ¡°Get away from the corpses!¡± Liam¡¯s calm voice took over, broadcasting on all channels. ¡°Regroup at the pools. Amy, contact Daisybelle. Bring her in. Harry, if you can make it, join up¡­ otherwise hold tight and link up with Belle and the pets when you can. Gary, fall back and get your head in the game.¡± With an audible click of the warrior count¡¯s teeth clacking together, the comms cut and the teams started moving. # Heidi and Ambrose both froze in numb shock, as the zombies under their control stopped responding. Long, silent seconds passed, the two necromancers expecting to be shredded by their own undead servitors at any moment¡­ Instead the zeds held in place, trembling and vibrating. ¡°Those fucking cowards! Run Heidi¡­ Run for the volcano¡­ they won¡¯t be able to catch us there¡­ When we start moving, they might attack¡­ don¡¯t wait for me.¡± He gasped and nodded at her, their eyes locked together. ¡°Ambrose¡­¡± She sobbed, helplessly. ¡°Don¡¯t look back¡­ forget this life, baby¡­¡± He stood a little taller as he drew his shortsword and wand, still pale and drawn from Mana deficit and gasping for breath. ¡°Get m¡­married, make a life for yourself.¡± He whispered as he lunged out of their circle of immobile dead flesh, striking each defender from behind as he ran, drawing their primitive aggro response to himself. # On the deck of the last functional ship, Padilla raised his fist in triumph, drawing a ragged cheer from Benard¡­ and oddly enough from Maxwell and Inverness. Both of those men had been dead, their shadow heads removed by those awful wights in the battle¡­ The others stirred as well, exhausted, weak and trembling, but hale. ¡°I knew it! All witchcraft and illusion!¡± The squat, burly man shouted. ¡°Yeah¡­ illusions¡­¡± Maxwell stammered, his eyes glazed and his face still a waxen mask. ¡°B¡­ bloody captains¡­ hiding below, working spells for nothing¡­¡± Inverness grumbled dangerously, his eyes wild and crazed, fixed on the closed companionway door. ¡°Gonna blame us for all this¡­¡± Padilla muttered, a feral light gleaming in his eyes. ¡°No oarsmen, no other crew¡­ we could¡­¡± He let the suggestion dangle, like bait in chummed water. ¡°Flagship already cut and ran.¡± Maxwell agreed. ¡°I wondered why they were so eager to put almost everyone ashore and station the rest of us on this old hulk¡­¡± ¡°So¡­ Lomax and Fernando? We talking, or we killing?¡± The big man grunted eagerly, deeply uninterested in the way the twice dead oarsmen were trembling in their chains. He had his thoughts on how much coin the captains might have in their little hideout. ¡°We¡¯re killing. Get an ax; we¡¯ll break in the hatch and blitz them.¡± Padilla commanded Bernard. ¡°New captain¡¯s orders.¡± The big man grinned and began his work with a convenient boarding ax, chopping down the door in a few mighty swings. ¡°No! You fools! Don¡¯t open the door!¡± Fernando screamed from behind the altar¡­ and the splayed open ribcage of the very recently sacrificed captain Lomax. Captain Fernando¡¯s desperate scream seemed to act as a catalyst¡­ Before the mutineers could advance a single step, the oarsmen all stood up as one, straining at their chains. One hundred and sixty dead men stood, heads tipped back in a silent scream, displaying the wounds where their throats had been cut... Slain by the very officers standing among them, now petrified in fear. ¡°I could have survived!¡± Fernando gasped and gabbled from behind his blood spattered altar. ¡°But no, you had to break the door, now we all die! Fools! Ignorant fools!¡± He wailed in renewed terror, as Lomax stood from the altar just like the others, his entrails splatting onto the deck wetly. ¡°We¡¯re all dead already!¡± Fernando wailed, before plunging his sacrificial blade into his own throat and ripping it free with a savage slash. # Heidi dashed for the steep cone of the volcano, as Ambrose ordered¡­ tears half blinding her as she ran, desperately listening for Ambrose¡¯s footfalls behind her, and knowing in her heart she would hear his death instead. A slow moaning wail rose from her throat, fading and swelling as she drew in great screaming breaths and gasped them out, certain that she and her beloved were already dead. When she hit the slope, she heard the sound of pursuit, spurring her to even faster flight, hurtling over bushes and leaping gaps with suicidal fearlessness. ¡°Heidi¡­ they aren¡¯t chasing¡­ us¡­¡± Ambrose gasped several yards behind her and stumbling to a ragged, wheezing halt. As rain began to spatter onto the rocky slope. Thunder rolled on the horizon, where the sun had set early behind dark and looming clouds. # Daisybelle watched in horror from the edge of the jungle, as the walking dead stopped walking and the dead dead stood up, eyes staring into the dark, lowering clouds, screaming silently. Hundreds of them, with heads or without, even the ones that were hacked in pieces or pulped into mushy wads of meat shambed back up to their feet, nubs or whatever they had left, to join the strange effect, silent and eerie beyond measure. With startling suddenness, the two remaining necromages attacked their bodyguard zeds briefly and fled, screaming toward the trail up the volcano. ¡°That¡¯s not encouraging¡­¡± Daisybelle whispered. With a single, unified shrug, each dead man and woman began to ¡®disrobe¡¯, shedding their meat and organs like soiled clothes. Nearly four hundred skeletons stepped out into the gore-covered battlefield, to join a rapidly growing formation of bare bones; tiny red pinpoints of smoking light dancing in the legion of empty eye sockets. The wretched piles of meat, whether goopy messes or stiff slabs of jerky, began to inch together, forming into heaps and mounds; which continued gathering as the defenders watched helplessly. Exhausted, ragged, battered and limping, the family formed up by the hotspring pool, while the enemy did some super creepy shit. ¡°No, Shiro¡­ stay with me!¡± Daisybelle ordered the silver and gray snow leopard. ¡°We have orders; recover Harry from that tree. We go get him and bring him to the others!¡± Shiro mewed a quiet complaint, but followed orders. ¡°Faugh¡­ Kitty listens better than doggie¡­¡± She sobbed just a little, before drying her eyes with the collar of her uniform jacket. # ¡°Any Ideas?¡± Liam asked the group at large, around one of his sugary and salty apricot things. The chewy and sticky stuff replaced much of what their bodies had lost, during the endless battle and cleansed their mouths of the dusty, cruddy residue of the dead. Stolen story; please report. He pounded a huge mug of water, while hoping for an answer from his crew of weirdos and monster slayers. ¡°I didn¡¯t plan on facing human necromancers¡­ These undead are powered by a ritual on that ship, that makes them resistant to my usual tricks. If all else fails, we can stay in the pool¡­¡± Gary offered. ¡°The guys on that ship were pretty shook up by my shadow-clone jutsu. With a storm coming, I doubt they¡¯ll try anything before dawn.¡± ¡°Can you do that again?¡± Liam asked, ignoring Shai¡¯s absolutely furious glare. ¡°Shadow sneak out there and make some trouble?¡± ¡°Nahh. I¡¯m tapped, need to grow my shadow back in full sunlight first... Kree and I have been working on that gag in secret for a while now.¡± He mumbled, refusing to meet his wife¡¯s intense gaze. ¡°If I knew what that spell was doing I could maybe¡­¡± He shrugged. ¡°With no Mana and no gifts, I can¡¯t do much to them... Give me a week and I¡¯ll have them all working in the garden and giving pedicures.¡± He mumbled, eyeing the rigidly disciplined undead ranks. ¡°The wizard was chanting, I know I heard ¡®Spartoi¡¯...¡± The mad witch mumbled, lost in thought. ¡°Dragon teeth¡­ Born of the earth, sacred to Ares¡­ Something about meat, or a homunculus rex?¡± # Daisibelle and her team of furry friends watched in silence, as the skellies formed up into ranks on the jungle side of the battle, covering a good swathe of the reeking land with their formation, as the first cracks of thunder rolled from the east. She seriously disliked whatever those piles of loose meat were up to as well. She had her task to focus on, the rest could come later, when the job was done, they could count the cost and weep for the lost. At last, the stupid things went to join the growing army of corpses, leaving the area around Harry¡¯s hideout free of enemies who could interfere¡­ ¡°Quickly, we run! Audrey! Go!¡± She shouted, as the wargs and Shiro sprinted for the towering magnolia at the edge of the battlefield. Mounted on Peony, Daisybelle broke cover with her party of familiars, dashing through the first raindrops, headed for the towering magnolia, just inside the warding circle. Their movement attracted the attention of nearly four hundred red eyed skulls of the legion, locked on to her fast moving group. The rattle and hiss of marching bones drowned out the sound of her own breath in her lungs, as they pelted for their goal, racing against the restless dead. Harry shimmied down the tree with monkey-like grace and joined their sprint, by vaulting onto Audrey and clinging to her vines, they didn¡¯t even need to break stride. # While the life and death drama ashore played out unobserved, Padilla and his co-conspirators stared at the slumped form of captain Fernando, collapsed over his altar¡­ ¡°Uhh¡­ I guess that will do¡­¡± The newly minted captain Padilla murmured blandly, stunned by the unexpected turn of events. The wet sounds of tearing flesh drew their attention to the oarsmen, who were also shedding their pitiful, scrawny flesh as if they were peeling off wet clothes. The fallen meat jiggled and swarmed, heaping itself into a loosely humanoid pile that slowly oozed in place, just as the skeletons stood there, red eyes smoldering, awaiting instructions. ¡°Don¡¯t move. Don¡¯t speak.¡± Inverness whispered in a breathy gasp. ¡°Without orders, they will attack anything that moves¡­ Maybe something will¡­¡± The nearest skellie slowly rotated its bare skull, fixing its lambent eyes on Inverness; within a heartbeat, one hundred and sixty of them were all looking at the pale, shaking man. A distant thunderclap, followed by a sudden jolt of loud and raucous noise from shore drew every skeletal eye; as the entire contingent, including the two captains formed ranks and vaulted into the sea, heading for shore. The trembling meat ball followed, squelching and rolling over the rail, leaving a bloody and reeking stain on the deck that slowly spread as the rain began in earnest. ¡°The fuck¡­ I can¡¯t believe we survived¡­¡± Inverness gasped, shivering as the evening breeze on the already wet crotch of his trousers chilled his bollocks. # While Gary was busy wracking his brain and coming up empty, Daisybelle, her wargs Audrey and Shiro emerged and flew with impressive speed, right under Harry¡¯s tree. They collected the wayward lad and dashed for the group, clods of mud and turf flying in their wake. The movement from the jungle launched the spartoi into motion, unified in movement and hammering the wet earth with their boney feet. They weren¡¯t fast or agile, but they had numbers¡­ since around two hundred more skellies were emerging from the wind lashed lagoon, presumably from the ship still blocking the entrance. ¡°You all did very well.¡± Ace encouraged them cheerfully. ¡°If you sprint for the volcano now and gate out, like those two necros, you might just make it¡­¡± ¡°Stuff it, Ace.¡± Gary barked at the dummy in blue. His glare softened as he scanned the soggy, exhausted, gathering of friends and family. That smile swiftly became the sadly confident look that Shai recognized from years before, the same one he¡¯d had on his face on the night her world had shattered. ¡°Nay! I¡¯ll not allow¡­¡± Gary turned his attention to his angry wife, sputtering and shouting at him, standing beside his oldest friend who seemed to be on her side... ¡°Shai, shut up. Liam, give me my old teleblaster. I have a plan¡­¡± He growled, as the goblin and his son raced for their lives, followed by a relentless tide of bones. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare sting me, Kree.¡± He glared at the gathered family and nodded firmly. ¡°When Harry and the others get here, you guys run. No backtalk.¡± Silence fell over the exhausted gathering, as count Liam passed his mad, doomed brother the instrument of his own destruction. Gary smiled a melancholic little grin as he stroked the familiar neck of his creation, the quiet scene disturbed only by the sound of running bones. Baobhan sith (Cry of the Banshee), Teleblaster, unique guitar, Spiritual and etheric enchantments. Quality: Unique. Rarity: Unique. Rank: Copper. Aura, sonic and mental enchantments, gifts and abilities of player will be enhanced when wielded by, or near a source of etheric magic. Compulsion, command and restraint enchantments from hostile sources will erode under the influence of instrument. *Warning* Instrument is higher ranked than player¡­ unstable and unpredictable effects may occur. *Warning* Use of higher ranked magical tools and weapons may cause irreparable soul damage or death. Loud, raucous music began, ringing out from the man seated in the lotus position, his eyes slowly rolling back in his head, as he began to drone in a long breathless monotone. All right, stop whatcha doin'' ''cause I''m about to ruin The image and the style that ya used to¡­ The first few bars of the ¡®Humpty Dance¡¯ hammered down on the marching boneheads, bringing them into an even tighter formation. The musician gave a silent, mental prayer to the endless universe, hoping that the ¡®Digital Underground¡¯ were thriving in their current lives, wherever they might be. Now gather ''round, I''m the new fool in town And my sound''s laid down by the Underground! The intense native urge of the spartoi, the imperative to maintain ranks was feeding into the sneaky spell hidden in the absolute banger he was hitting them with. Elbow to elbow and boney hip to hip, they slowed from double-time to quicktime, marching, then pacing slowly¡­ Soon they were marching in place locked in a loop of insensate action, driven on to their endless performance by the quickly sagging musician and their own simple, obedient stupidity. He stumbled and almost lost the all important beat on critical tempo change, nearly bobbling the line as his vision blurred and swayed. Just grab ''em in the biscuits! He gasped, struggling to keep in the groove and remain conscious. Without warning, Shai¡¯¡¯s warm back rested against his, their armor and shirts vanishing into her storage in a twinkle. At the touch of her skin to his, Gary¡¯s Mana, Stamina and Etheric pools began bubbling and their dangerously rapid drain slowed to a dribble. ¡°I¡¯ll keep my fool boy afloat. We¡¯ll all be getting out of this, lad.¡± She called over the music, as he continued his deranged song. ¡°Ye cheated last time, lad. Where''er ye go, I¡¯ll be with thee.¡± She growled in his ear, her violin wailing in time to a hip hop hit from another world and another time. ¡°I¡¯ll nae be left behind thee again.¡± ¡°Yes, dear.¡± He gasped, flecks of foamy drool forming at the corners of his lips as his eyes turned yellow and bloodshot. The kids and familiars seemed to be running in slow motion to rejoin the worried team, waiting at the back of the yard. The meat monster was finally standing up, a hideous, pulsating mountain of random organs, muscles and skin that had something like a humanoid shape. It fell in behind the skellie dancers, doing a slow stomping shuffle, as bits fell off and climbed back onto the monster constantly. The runners stumbled into the open arms of their loved ones when Gary and Shai hit the song¡¯s weird ass bridge, switching up and starting the next phase. The madman began mindlessly stroking his thumbnail up and down his guitar¡¯s E string, while bending the note aggressively. He dug in hard, creating a distinctive, oscillating whooping sound that the track just had to have. He laid back into the lyrics, barking and spitting the bars as he toasted the break in desperation: Now that I told y''all a little bit about myself, Let me tell ya a little bit about this dance¡­ It''s real easy to do y¡¯all, check it out; ¡°Get ready to run when I change the beat¡­¡± He spat a wad of yellow bile, streaked with blood off over his shoulder between bars, unaware that a long runnel of the stuff dribbled down his chin and onto his bare chest. ¡°No questions, no discussion.¡± His eyes were glazed over and blood was leaking from his nose in a steady trickle, dripping down his chest and staining his instrument as he played on. Gary swayed from side to side as he droned out the next stanzas, pouring himself into the song as the world faded away into a green tinged haze. # While Gary and Shai kept the skellies dancing in place, the team engulfed the latecomers, swifty organizing themselves in a new formation, under Liam¡¯s crisp and terse instructions; spoken where the rapidly dying musician wouldn¡¯t be able to overhear. ¡°Audrey, when I tell you, scoop up Gary and Shai, together. Try to avoid interfering with their instruments and music.¡± He turned to the rest of the group and continued just as crisply. ¡°Dannyl. Ivy, boys¡­ instruments up we¡¯re taking this show on the road. If they drop the beat, you need to keep it going on the march.¡± He clapped twice, to make sure he had everyone on board. ¡°Ace, you stay with us, you are coming along. No arguments. Daze and Gandree, stick with me and Tallum. Ready? Go!¡± # Gary smiled, ginning a blind, terrible rictus of pain at the skinny ass dance crew on the battlefield and their massive meaty giant; he was about to bring this thing into the next phase, if he could keep his shit together, or at least not shit his pants too early. The world swayed and rocked on the other side of his closed eyelids, his body was inconsequential at this point, as long as he could keep his instrument singing and hold on to the beat. First I limp to the side like my leg was broken Shakin'' and twitchin'' kinda like I was smokin! The commands landed like a hammerblow on the simple monsters, they were inside his wards, dancing to his tune¡­ Now he just needed to keep them grooving and moving, while he brought a little chaos into the music. He screwed his eyes even tighter shut, as he cranked his distortion, overdrive and volume to the limits and beyond. His guitar screamed and wailed like a furious lost soul, pulling the skeletons into the song and bringing the juggernaut of jumbled meat into the rapidly forming mosh pit. Can''t stand it for another day I ain''t gonna live my life this way! Cold sweat, my fists are clenching, Stomp,stomp,stomp! The idiot convention! Gary¡¯s focused thoughts and Will shook and wavered, as his guts loosened and reeking, slimy filth poured out of his bilges. He vomited over his right shoulder, hoping to miss his beloved guitar; even though it was swiftly tearing his soul and body apart with every note and chord. You''re always in the way, like a beast on my back! Were you dropped as a baby, ''cause brains you lack? In his delirious and almost mindless state, Gary almost believed he could hear thundering drums, a bass that crashed like a tempest battering the shore and a sweet, soaring guitar solo, tearing up the track behind his half screamed lyrics. Caught In A Mosh was an obvious choice, but he was beyond subtlety or wit. Now it was just chaos, as he used everything he had to turn the mosh pit onto a garbage disposal before he lost the beat. Talking in circles, we''ll never get it straight, Just you and me in our theater of hate¡­ He couldn¡¯t make it to the next chorus, never mind the long, wailing outro¡­ Gary vomited a thick gout of reeking blood and stuff onto his guitar as he collapsed forward into unconsciousness and darkness as the music rang in his fading senses. # ¡°The fuck?¡± Ghnash and Necro asked at the same time, as they flew on silent wings toward the swirling morass of necromantic and blood magic on the little island they were screaming toward. ¡®Is that¡­ music?¡¯ Necro asked sharply. ¡®It sounds¡­ weirdly familiar¡­.¡¯ ¡°Ah¡­ Is thrash metal. Old school pit music.¡± The goblin grunted. ¡°Is Anthrax¡­ Good good song!¡± ¡®Blight me, you¡¯re right¡­ how?¡¯ The dragon whispered in the goblin¡¯s mind, ¡®sounding¡¯ confused and deeply worried. ¡°Like this!¡± Ghnash grunted happily, as a shamisen appeared in his hands. The tiny instrument shattered the night, screaming out into the dark, harsh and angry. ¡°Go go! I smell witchcraft! Smells good!¡± He wailed, as his instrument joined the distant song of violence and rage. The Necromancer tucked his vast, leather wings and dove, streaking through the dark, cloudy sky. Only a few lights flickered on the island, from a long slave galley in the lagoon entrance. Keen night vision picked out the wrecked tangle of ships and the battlefield below, reeking to the goblin¡¯s sensitive nose even from a quarter mile up and diving fast. Necro burped a short jet of flame into the sky, illuminating a scene of madness and utter chaos. Several hundred skeletal warriors were milling about, battling a stupendous, towering flesh golem¡­ at least sixty feet tall and as massive as a government building, it stomped and moshed among the smaller monsters, crushing them under foot in steady, rhythmic movements. ¡®Are they¡­ dancing?¡¯ The dragon asked, his mental voice quavering and a little higher pitched than usual. ¡®I sense no living beings in that¡­ melee.¡¯ ¡°Yes yes! Big dance party, make them dance in flames brother! That¡¯s more fun!¡± Ghnash screamed and gibbered, lost in the thrill and the music and going full goblin mode. ¡°Cities on fire with rock and roll!¡± He shouted wildly, lashing a solo from his instrument while standing on the back of a swooping undead dragon and capering with deranged glee. ¡°I Am The God Of Fucking Metal!¡± # The fleeing Adventurers stumbled to a halt, halfway up the volcano¡¯s cone¡­ watching in fascination and horror as a fucking undead dragon swept in on ragged leather wings, belching gouts of fire into the beginnings of the storm. ¡°Leeee-Royyy¡­. Jenki-ins!¡± The goblin bellowed triumphantly, as fire poured over the dancing monsters. # Don’t Stop Believin Ch: 47 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Don¡¯t Stop Believin'' Ch: 47 Shai sat cross legged on Audrey, who was currently a moving carpet of vines, leaves and flowers, crawling up the mountainside in the dark. The giantess loomed over Gary touching him here and there, in the midst of a chaotic nightmare that had taken over their pleasant afternoon on the beach. The musician was flat on his back, stained with his own filth, staring at the sky and chanting his bizarre lyrics in a voice that echoed and boomed from their enchanted instruments. Which one of these words don''t you understand? I''m caught in a mosh! Talking to you is like clapping with one hand! What is it? Caught in a mosh! Made by his own hands in better days, when his strength and abilities were at their zenith; they answered his call, even in his current state. The old enchantments and bits of his essence strung through those intricate spells and inscriptions responded to his Will, carrying his strange Entrainment gift out into the stormy night. Beyond thought or reason, Gary¡¯s wildly unpredictable powers and abilities mingled with his deeply damaged mind and soul creating a realm of madness, chaos and whimsey. Invisible threads of his essence and soul drifted over the island, entangling any creature that had ears to hear. The undirected witchery dragged the entire island; friends, foes, beasts and simple creatures, into his mindless working of Will and magic. The dead heard his call, urging them to join ranks, form up and follow orders, concepts and urges inscribed in their very bones. The living in his family felt the touch of his spells, buoying their spirits and strumming heartstrings with encouraging chords that were felt, not heard. The insensate throng that the island teemed with, the crawling, blood sucking and dark haunting jungle denizens also felt the call, rising to feast on the detritus of several hundred human corpses, scattered far and wide¡­ And he might have whispered to the skeeters, hints about a few living humans lurking nearby, without the benefits of his potent vermin wards. ¡®That¡¯s going to be good.¡¯ He thought to himself, as he feverishly tried to get as much as he could packed into the tense, thrumming net of magic he¡¯d cast over most of the small island. # In the lightning, darkness and rain, Shai ran her hands over his body, feeling about blindly between flashes of lightning, seeking any hidden injuries from the battle. There were none, she knew that, since she¡¯d removed his befouled clothes and armor herself, stashing them in her dimensional storage gift as they carried him away. But it felt better to be doing something, rather than just staring at his Mana and Stamina pools, sitting at rock bottom and his health pool, bubbling in a sickly and disturbing way, with a bit less than a quarter remaining. He¡¯d stopped draining his life away, when his accursed guitar fell silent; his hands unable to carry on, but still locked around the damn thing. She dragged herself out of her ruminations before she could think about it as a ¡®deathgrip¡¯ and upset herself further. ¡®That would be unhelpful¡¯ Shai thought, eying the faint marker lights of the remaining slave galley, still blockading the lagoon and the sprawling undead melee she felt, but couldn¡¯t see, raging on in the dark. Her husband remained insensate, but still kept driving his music into the horde of undead brawling on the invisible plain below. She could feel them through her connection to his gifts, his music and his soul¡­ what remained of it. ¡°Do¡­ Do you hear music?¡± Lindsey asked above the noise and rain. The poor girl was leaning on her young familiar, Flash the warhorse yearling and looked barely awake. ¡°I mean, more music. From there.¡± She pointed off to a distant point in the sky, to the east, where Port city lay. ¡°Flash hears it, so do I.¡± She stumbled, nearly falling to the volcanic stone of the trail as she gasped for breath. ¡°Shush girl, lie still.¡± Shai whispered in her ear, as the exhausted and careworn giantess gently caught the slim maiden and laid her on the plant monster¡¯s ¡®back¡¯ beside her husband, carefully tucking several vines around the unconscious girl to keep her aboard the moving plant creature. ¡°I beg ye tae carry one more, Audrey.¡± The red haired warrior woman sighed, as she leapt to the trail and started marching along, beside her son¡¯s new favorite horsie. ¡°We¡¯ll watch over them together, Flash.¡± She cooed gently in the familiar¡¯s ear. While Shai was occupied, something that wasn¡¯t lightning illuminated the sky with a terrible roar of madness and rage. Behind that bestial cry of challenge a smaller, higher voice seemed to chant and gibber something into the wind and noise. ¡°Gods above and below¡­¡± Liam whispered, looking back from his position at the tail of the column marching its way loudly up the volcano¡¯s side. # Amy sagged onto a stone beside the trail up the mountain, gasping and nearly spent. Rio and Wilf each caught her under a shoulder and helped her to keep moving up the volcanic cone, headed for the cave at the top and safety¡­ Papa¡¯s music had stopped, but Shai and the Dreadnoughts were still playing, keeping the magic going as they marched. Shai had passed Gary¡¯s faltering spell to Becky, who spun the strange magic through her harp and passed it back into the swirling and complex tapestry hidden in the music. Amy could taste the familiar spells and the unique flavor of her papa¡¯s broken mind mixed in, but fading as he drifted farther from the living world. The familiar sound of a shamisen came to her sensitive ears over the rain and thunder, a shamisen playing along and rocking hard, louder than any normal instrument could be¡­ Her eyes scanned the group, borrowing Shiro¡¯s night vision for herself, and then dipping into his senses at the head of the column¡­ None of them were missing, or holding a shamisen. None of them were in the sky to the east, riding something with bat wings, a long, serpentine neck and a tail that sliced the sky behind, bearing four wicked blades of bone at the tip. ¡°Oh, shit! Dragon!¡± Amy called, her well trained voice cutting the storm and music without the aid of the comms system. The group scrambled even faster at her cry, hustling up the narrow trail, following the moving patch of foliage that was carrying the wreckage of their father up the slope. As if aware it had been spotted, the great beast belched a plume of bright blue and spectral flame into the sky, lighting up the battlefield and mosh pit. Under an eldritch glow that lingered, cast from a massive, slowly growing ball of flame and lightning, the undead danced on. They hurled themselves together, colliding and bashing against each other endlessly in a tight group. The enormous golem of meat and blood stomped the skellies flat frequently, or plowed them under its moving bulk, heedless of the smaller forms. The spartoi still leapt and capered, knocking themselves to pieces and reassembling themselves without a care; locked into the compulsion hidden behind the music. The hideous dragon dove down, revealed in its lambent fireball¡¯s glow, drawing fresh gasps of horror from the exhausted family on the mountainside. The beast¡¯s rotten, tattered leather wings were riddled with holes and should never have allowed the skeletal monster to fly, but then, there were no muscles to pump those wings either¡­ ¡°Undead dragon¡­¡± Rio remarked, with a fatalistic note in his voice. ¡°What do we have for a flying behemoth like that?¡± The clouds parted, as the horror on wings wheeled, vomiting another streamer of fire across the sky, burning away the drenching storm overhead with supernatural energies and dragonfire. The stars and sky spread out, as the storm collapsed; revealing the two moons, in all their beauty and splendor, illuminating the awful scene more fully. ¡°Look closer. It has a rider, maybe¡­ if we took the rider out?¡± Wilf grumbled, glaring at the thing, as it banked lazily above the island, seeming focused on the deadman¡¯s party on the plain. ¡°Kree?¡± He suggested weakly. ¡°Dad¡¯s half dead, bro. No chance.¡± Amy declared confidently. ¡°We¡¯re almost out of here, we don¡¯t need long¡­ What if we keep them busy for a while¡­¡± She gave them a grim smile. ¡°Then, when they dive on us, we give them a sound and light show? They might crash if we hit it hard enough.¡± ¡°Denied.¡± Sir Kermal said firmly, stepping from the darkness with a glare on his face for the plotting teens. He joined their march and scowled at each in turn. ¡°Sasha and I will delay that thing as best we can, you and the rest will evacuate when you reach the void maw, no questions. No debate. Orders from your mother¡­ and Gary.¡± Only the crunch of boots on wet volcanic rock and gasping breaths accompanied the music for a few steps, until the beast roared again. They looked back, as the monster dove, slashing through the broken storm, strafing the mosh pit with eldritch fire. A name drifted up from the flaming nightmare scene, shouted triumphantly for all to hear. Wilf grunted with pleasure, smiling at the burning skeletons and the flash roasted golem, slowly toppling over in a meaty, smoldering heap. ¡°Does anybody know this Leroy Jenkins person?¡± # ¡°King papa?¡± Daisybelle asked softly, through tears, warg fur and snot. ¡°Was that king papa¡¯s voice?¡± ¡®Yes.¡¯ Peony answered her rider, as they plodded up the wet stone trail near the back of the group. ¡®He rides the wind on the Chariot.¡¯ She growled; already deeply upset, ready to bite anything even vaguely unfriendly and displeased by the arrival of something so¡­ unnatural. ¡®His mount is deeply unclean.¡¯ Jasmine grumbled too, but the dwarf clinging to her harness was listening¡­ This was pack business, not for outsiders, even beloved ones. ¡°Shush¡­ We ride at king papa¡¯s command. What he rides is his concern.¡± The little goblin sobbed, as she scolded them gently. Daisybelle raised her voice to hail the weirdos all around, before anyone did anything stupid. ¡°Hey hey!¡± She yelled. ¡°That sky lizard is family! Stop running!¡± It took a few more tries to get the Adventurers to believe her¡­ It would have been a pretty tough sell by daylight, in an alpine meadow, so she just kept working on them ¡®til she got through. Getting the frazzled and battered team to buy into her story after an undead raid was a big ask. ¡°That¡¯s my uncle, the Necromancer, who¡¯s really a giant skeletal dragon¡­¡± She explained again, pointing to the slowly circling nightmare. ¡°I hear king papa riding on his back, rockin¡¯ hard¡­¡± She delivered a weak and tear streaked smile, her head sticking up from the warm, concealing ruff of her mount. ¡°Daisybelle is a disco girl, though.¡±This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Strung out on the mountainside trail, under the wings of a circling undead dragon that was allegedly, ¡®uncle Necro¡¯, the team nervously tried to plot a next move, any kind of next move. Wilf, Harry and Liam stood over the moving bed of vines, silently evaluating Gary¡¯s raggedly breathing wreckage, still clutching his guitar in bloody fingers and sprawled on the mat of vines and leaves Audrey was using to carry him up the mountain. Lindsey was laying beside him, pale and unconscious along with Shai, who was just too tired to walk without falling. ¡°How about, we leave Gary, Shai, and the other injured here; the rest of us go down the mountain and talk to this dragon of Daisybelle¡¯s¡­¡± Harry suggested. ¡°Between us we can fix the houses and do some cleanup¡­ Any remaining zombies or necromancers can go ahead and fucking try it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s most of a good idea.¡± Wilf rumbled, tireless and imperturbable as ever. ¡°We can¡¯t move pops through the maw like this¡­¡± He glanced down on the ragged man, concern obvious on his face. Streaks of blood and bile stained his bare chest, where the rain hadn¡¯t rinsed it away leaving a sticky, nasty film on his body. His pants were best not examined or discussed, there was a lot going on there and Audrey the Rendroot Bush didn¡¯t mind a little extra ¡®organic matter¡¯ in her life. ¡°Yeah, he¡¯s a mess. Let¡¯s get him into the pool right away.¡± Liam agreed, turning his eyes down the mountain, seeking some hint of sanity in the wild and tempestuous night. ¡°Once we have control of the battlefield, I want walls and a constant watch. As for the light cult remnants on the island¡­ They are going to have plenty to worry about and we won¡¯t be surprised again.¡± He nodded at his snapdragon familiar, who quickly budded a bright red and yellow bloom from her myriad vines and branchings. The blossom swelled and elongated, swiftly becoming the familiar floral maw Audrey used for most things, which usually meant eating any ¡®not people¡¯ creature that was unfortunate enough to stumble into her range. The flower gaped open, as the vines conveyed the wounded musician into the hungry creature¡¯s mouth. She gulped him down and munched him about for a few long, sloshy seconds, until she spat his guitar out onto the mat of vines, glistening wetly, but smelling much better¡­ After a few seconds more of the sassy snapdragon noisily masticating the musician, Audrey delicately vomited a ¡®cleaned¡¯ Gary back out onto the mat beside Shai and Lindsey. He was, if not thoroughly cleaned, at least no longer a horrid mess of filth. When the careful and gentle vines landed Gary beside his unconscious wife again, she simply rolled over and hugged onto him, on instinct. Shai¡¯s toes did keep tapping in time to the silent bars her husband was constantly muttering to the moons, so high above. Lindsey, who was beyond exhausted and clutching a broken arm, reached out with her undamaged limb to gently grab the count¡¯s cloak of magical falling leaves, tugging weakly and silently asking for an update with her big gray, tear filled eyes. ¡°Shai just exhausted herself beyond human endurance, trying to keep her husband alive; while he desperately tried to tear himself to pieces.¡± Liam said, loudly enough to reach his unconscious brother¡¯s ears as well. ¡°She¡¯s completely wrecked, leaving her body and mind drained, but not dangerously so.¡± He soothed his cripled friend and comrade, unsure how much was getting through to Gary, while he updated Lindsey. ¡°And Gary? Is he¡­?¡± She whispered up at the count. The musician was sprawled there bonelessly, staring at the sky through half lidded eyes, his lips still calling the dance silently in his dreams. ¡°The gods alone know. He always hurls himself at things that any sane being would flee, blithely pays costs at which even the mad would balk and dances on the edge of destroying himself¡­¡± The outrageously handsome young count smiled and shrugged. ¡°He¡¯s an utter fool, but I love him anyway.¡± # Tallum and Ivy elected to stay and watch over the incapacitated trio, with the wargs; while the rest went back down the slope¡­ To talk to Daisybelle¡¯s ¡®uncle Necromancer, the dragon¡¯. # ¡°I missed this¡­¡± Dannyl cheered, as they trooped down the rugged trail. ¡°I haven¡¯t had this much fun in years!¡± ¡°What was that you shouted, before you did your mad cartwheel through a swarm of zombies?¡± Liam asked conversationally, like they weren¡¯t doing anything noteworthy at the moment. ¡°I picked it up in Gary¡¯s brain a long time ago¡­ It kinda means, ¡®may the emperor live a thousand years¡¯ in one of his weird foreign languages¡­¡± Dannyl grinned madly and chuckled a hearty laugh at the moons. ¡°So no one but Gary and his kids could ever understand what you shouted¡­¡± The count murmured, a lingering question in his voice. Dannyl grinned, mad and crooked. ¡°It sounds cool, though¡­ Right? I wanted to give those skeletons plenty to think about.¡± ¡°Another bloody, mad chunni¡­¡± Liam sighed, as his boots kept crunching and splashing along, headed toward where the colossal, flaming death-lizard was coming in for a landing, on the blasted and reeking plain below. # Watching a carpet of creeping vines convey what was left of Gary up the mountain like that was damn creepy, but super easy on the debilitated man, he just floated along, a few inches above the rugged trail. Count Liam did that on the march sometimes, when he wanted to be an asshole, Ivy reflected, while watching the scene through her familiar¡¯s eyes. He wasn¡¯t unhappy about being down on the plain with the others. Poor Otho had hung around with Gary enough that a skeletal dragon wasn¡¯t going to chase him away from his territory¡­ He¡¯d peed on all that stuff first! Ivy kept up a soft spoken play by play, for the benefit of Tallum, the wargs and the three friends sacked out under suddenly clear skies. # Gandree Clansward, Daisybelle and Ghnash, the goblin king were all lined up, standing beside a tall, heavily cloaked and shrouded man, who was slowly and carefully addressing the gathered Adventurers. ¡°I would prefer it if you didn¡¯t mention anything about a man who can become a dragon¡­ or vice versa, We like to keep our little secrets when we can.¡± ¡°Yes¡­¡± Liam nodded soberly, still in his scuffed and muddy leonine armor, his cloak of falling silver leaves drifting carelessly behind him on an eldritch breeze. ¡®The cape¡¯s super useful¡­ not just awesome.¡¯ He tried to convince himself, as he faced the odd and oddly familiar alien beings. ¡°That¡¯s more than reasonable, sir¡­?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Gary Ward, but my brothers call me the Necromancer¡­ A persona I¡®ve embraced for the time being¡­¡± The tall man in the heavy cowl and cloak said gently. ¡°In truth, I¡¯m the Chariot, the swift flying agent of change, bearer of chaos and traveler of the realms¡­ For now, please call me Necro. There are way too many Gary Wards around.¡± The man waved his large unnaturally pale hand, gesturing to the little green man, who was busily scanning the battlefield with bright, eager eyes. His voice was smooth and low, calming as he spoke, unlike the grinning and capering goblin king¡¯s. ¡°So many bones! Oh, this stink is good! Good good witchcraft! Good to confound stupid blood-magic necromancy!¡± He gasped, his long green ears twitching and rotating as if he could still hear the music, echoing in the jungle. ¡°Beast magic, music magic¡­¡± The goblin chittered, as he squatted down to stab his long green fingers into the muddy soil, all the way to the knuckles. He ripped a clump of the bloody, stinking, scorched turf up and sniffed it like a gourmand, exploring every subtlety and nuance of the fistful of dirt and grass. He gently rubbed the wet earth and vegetation in his fingers, letting it crumble and fall away slowly. In a few short seconds, he had a small ball of wiggling worms, nematodes and grubs in his surprisingly large, long fingered hands. He eyed the ball of crawling and squirming things for a moment, as they twined and entangled on his fingers. None of the tiny creatures fell away or escaped, instead they climbed and crawled back together, whenever one little crawly dislodged another creepy, in their endless, squirming dance. ¡°The magic continues, touching all that live and breathe in this place¡­¡± He murmured happily over his strangely obedient vermin, then he popped them into his mouth with a delighted smack of his lips and quick chew. ¡°The spell is subtle, sneaky and very clever. Low magic too¡­ very sneaky.¡± He mumbled around his squishy mouthful. ¡°Yes, Ghnash, I¡¯m sure¡­ but we are introducing ourselves to your daughter¡¯s friends. We can explore this effect later, brother.¡± The Necromancer said gently, slowly easing the exuberant little green man back into the conversation. ¡°I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll quickly reveal its secrets, together.¡± ¡°Bahh!¡± Ghnash grumbled a little sourly, eyeing the gathered humans. They were battered, muddy, soggy and looked awful, leaning on spears or sagging against each other under the warm, golden moonlight. ¡°I¡¯m Ghnash¡­ King of all goblins and lord of the goblin dungeon.¡± He spoke quickly, biting off each word and darting his eyes all around the group. He seemed feral and unpredictable, yet he addressed them with an aura of confident authority. He chittered his teeth at them and leered at Dannyl and Liam, who towered over the little man, despite both men frequently struggling with that mighty foe: the high shelf. ¡°Who is casting this spell? Where are your witches?¡± He demanded, peering at the small group that had actually approached the pair. ¡°None of you, though you smell of that one¡¯s coven¡­¡± He took a long, slow sniff and grumbled. ¡°Familiar!¡± ¡°Forgive my brother¡­¡± The Necromancer sighed, as he enfolded the over excited goblin in his cloak, somehow containing the exuberant creature in the voluminous folds. ¡°He¡¯s going through some things¡­ He gets a little primal, a little too goblin¡¯s goblin, if you understand me.¡± Daisybelle chittered her teeth at the Necromancer, incensed by his comment. The act seemed to be a combination of laughter, flirting and a challenge to a blood duel. ¡°King papa smells like fresh smashed goblin girl¡­ He musta stuffed one of them babyful.¡± She took a long sniff and grinned, her sharp white teeth snapping at the moons, as she and her two wargs let out a soft, yipping chorus of melancholy joy. ¡°My pack lost one¡­ and gains one.¡± She sighed, when her howl faded away. Ghnash¡¯s green, muscular arms shot out of the Necromancer¡¯s cloak, where he remained imprisoned. He unerringly snatched up the little gobbo and dragged her in with him, while the tall, dark form smiled benignly from within his dark hood. ¡°Goblin¡¯s gonna gob.¡± He sighed, while the two odd creatures consoled each other inside his cloak. ¡°I would like to meet the architect of this remarkable warding and¡­ I guess there was a structure here before the zombie attack?¡± The dark figure spoke with self assurance and confidence that grated against Liam¡¯s expectations¡­ ¡°We also like to ¡®keep our little secrets where we can¡¯ master¡­ Necromancer.¡± The compact warrior count grimaced behind his mask, as he spoke the name¡­ or title, whatever. It felt super odd to talk to a self confessed necromancer without first putting some steel in him¡­ ¡°Several members of our party are currently acting under my orders in their own capacity¡­ Please leave them to their work.¡± ¡°I see¡­¡± The man said, shifting about nervously as the moons rose higher in the sky. The moonlight strengthened, no longer obscured by the dissipating storm; with the light the fellow¡¯s confidence and aura of mysterious power began to dissipate. ¡°Unfortunately, my time here has run its course.¡± He leaned forward, speaking into his billowing garment full of goblins ¡°Ghnash, Daisybelle¡­ I must depart, the charm you made me has begun to fail.¡± The little man clambered out of his large companion¡¯s cloak and smiled, his softly weeping daughter clutched in a princess carry, her face pressed into the collar of his simple brown robes. ¡°Sorry, I got all alpha gobbo. Riding a dragon into battle playing sweet thrash metal is kinda¡­¡± He shook his head, long ears waving ridiculously and continuing to sway for a little while afterwards. ¡°My big brother is having trouble acclimating to the local environment, he needs to boogie. Pardon his rapid departure, please, it must be pretty uncomfortable for him right now.¡± The dark cloaked man was already gone, he vanished in a soft rustle of leather wings and a scent of warm earth, exotic resins and spices from distant lands. # Becky dried to stifle a smile and giggle at the silly little man and failed pretty hard. The black cloaked Gary stood as tall as her Gary did, towering over the gathered Adventurers. He seemed deeply alien, so calm and assured, not at all the way real Gary was¡­ This being was, in many ways completely unlike him, despite speaking in his voice and sharing his mannerisms. The more she conversed with the creature, the less of her brother she saw in him. Ghnash, however¡­ was more of the Gary she knew, packed into a tiny green dynamo and cut loose from the trappings of ¡®civilization¡¯ as most people thought of it. He could switch moods even more swiftly, was just as quick to ignore minor slights and seemed far more bold and inquisitive. ¡°I smell that same witchcraft, picking up the loose threads, weaving the magic into a new form¡­¡± The little man hooted, seeming more feral again, suddenly. He sniffed and snuffled, searching for the source with his ears twitching to and fro and eyes scanning everything eagerly as well. He peered about, taking little hops and giddy capers when he caught the soft strains of music and song, from over by the lagoon where the mess was thickest. ¡°I¡¯ve found your witches, let¡¯s go lookie see!¡± He hooted, until Daisybelle snatched his ear in an iron hard grip that the Dreadnoughts present recognized well. The goblin lass had mastered Shai¡¯s formidable art and was merrily engaged in active treason and reg-ear-icide, twisting the long, sensitive lobe viciously. ¡°Captain Liamz said no no to meeting the others, until they are ready¡­! Papa Ghnash is a lot to take, after what they¡¯ve been through.¡± She gave the royal lobe another crank, drawing a yelp from the king. ¡°We shed blood together today, papa. Respect that.¡± ¡°Bahh, these longshanks seem¡­ familiar? Somehow? Maker mez brane hurt.¡± He grumbled and mumbled, becoming more goblin and less man for a moment. ¡°Gahh! Nub gruk¡­¡± She dragged the king off by his ear, still kicking and thrashing, headed for the baths. ¡°Come soak with me¡­ This bath is like yours, but no smell of goblin nookie.¡± ¡°Mmm¡­¡± He grumbled as they walked away. ¡°Tell me of Nightshade; I¡¯ll tell you who I stuffed royally babyful¡­ You get six guesses first.¡± ¡°Weirdos¡­¡± Liam muttered, as the pair wandered off across the wasteland,headed for the baths. Their voices were quickly lost, strolling through the rising eldritch mist of the Ragamuffins¡¯ music and the Clown-Shoes¡¯ ritual to repair and rebuild the inn and compound. # In the form of a skeletal wyvern four feet long, the Necromancer flitted through the void, taking the entrance at the peak of the volcano, by simply flying up and through. On the other side, he wheeled and gained some altitude, savoring the stink of Light cult activity. The storm continued unabated over the dark valley, less violent in the high mountains, but far colder. Even the frigid depths or outer limits held no fear for a being who had transcended mortality long ago and surrendered the weaknesses of the flesh in the process. The cold, wind and rain were meaningless¡­ but the slow, burning ache of exposure to the awful, inimical glare of those two moons crisped the edges of his shadow. The warm, golden green glow was invisible to mortal eyes, lost in the thick clouds and rain. The empty sockets of the lich saw all, in stark detail. To him, the world was bathed in light, a glow that was steadily burning away at his very essence. He felt it still, the lingering protection of the goblin king¡¯s fetish, it was glowing softly in the moonlight as well¡­ and quickly crumbling away in his claw. Burning black pinpoints of undead flame scanned the mountain passes, searching for the stench that was whirling on the breeze; necromancers, two of them. They had escaped to this world, one so unwelcoming to his essence that he couldn¡¯t bear to linger any more. He belched a huge gout of ethereal blue dragonfire into the sky, venting his fury a little, before he dashed back down to the void maw, resuming his more compact form as he swooped into the cave mouth. He winged through the opening and turned off the path, into the byways of the ether, where immortals alone can linger. Flying for home, he thought about his lovely little crypt in the ancient necropolis above that peaceful little town¡­ and the woman he¡¯d found in that little community. She was the baroness of the land, and the love of this lifetime¡­ When she passed, he might not find human comfort and acceptance for generations after¡­ The Necromancer shook off those thoughts. To her he was the Lich Lord, a fearsome wizard with an unearned bad reputation and a desire for a peaceful, simple life among the haunts¡­ That was the man he would have been for her entire life, pretending to age alongside her until the end. The inevitable end, when she would slip into his shadow and join his night parade, like every mortal in his sad realm. He tried to avoid thinking about how many friends, lovers, allies and dear ones were watching over his shoulder. The beings he considered foes caught in his drifting net of darkness could suck it¡­ and suck it hard. He cracked a grim, toothy smile as he flew for home. If Ghnash could improve his fetish arts, or with a little more planning, he could raid a bit farther afield; closer to the prime world, where his essence couldn¡¯t ordinarily endure. He chomped down an imagined demon, sighing a short, flickering bonfire of anticipation over his ragged, decayed lizard lips. # Sunday Morning Coming Down Ch: 48 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Sunday Morning Coming Down Ch: 48 ¡°You really should let me meet your witches¡­¡± Ghnash urged Daisybelle, sitting at the breakfast table in a cozy, stonebuilt inn that strongly resembled his own house. It was uncanny, both the resemblance to his own and in the way it felt real¡­ super real. It was almost like an actual stone house that was just magical enough to be slipped into the void between worlds¡­ If one had a dimensional storage gift that could accommodate it. ¡°No, papa. They asked for some time to get fixed up and heal their wounded¡­ You know how you get.¡± ¡°Bahh¡­ dumb longshanks.¡± He grumbled, trying to conceal how much and how quickly he¡¯d come to like and trust these humans¡­ What he had seen of them. Truth be told, every one of them he¡¯d met so far had been a draught of cool water in the desert to the agitated goblin king. He understood why Gandree had slipped right into his own family, the boy was one of the cards¡­ Which card remained to be seen, but he was family, no doubt about it. These people were not any kind of Gary, no matter how diluted. They felt good, though. They all felt¡­ right. Even when they eyed him suspiciously, because he got a little too ¡®goblin¡¯ for their comfort¡­ Even though they were obstinately hiding several members of their group from him. He smelled them, so terribly familiar and yet strange¡­ Garies, a few at least! They were hidden away, while he was kept closeted in the enclosed ¡®Guest Compound¡¯. Prison, more like. ¡°We have injured and exhausted people recovering under my care, as their physician.¡± The young and impressively disciplined count had informed the king, when he demanded access to the ¡®secret Garies¡¯. Ghnash admittedly got a little flustered and may have accused the human count of ¡®hoarding¡¯ and a few other less savory things, until Daisybelle used her new and powerful ear grappling techniques to subdue him. The miserable little traitor. ¡°These people are my friends¡­ let them rest and recover.¡± His youngest princess murmured, looking worn and sad herself. ¡°Let us sleep the day away, papa. I¡¯m tired too.¡± Ghnash ruffled her hair and smiled, wrapping her in a big hug. ¡°Yes, daughter¡­ No good comes of hurrying such things I suppose.¡± He patted a finely wrought stone mace of deep green jadeite, fixed to a shaft of gleaming, well rubbed blackthorn wood. ¡°At least Juniella¡¯s whomp comes home¡­¡± He sighed, petting the little goblin sized weapon. ¡°One of her new sisters will inherit her legacy. Thank you daughter.¡± He sighed and rested his chin atop her head. ¡°Where¡¯s that boy of yours?¡± ¡°Downstairs, craftin¡¯ stuff.¡± She muttered fatalistically, caught between her promise and lying to her king papa. ¡°You should sleep, papa. You can play with toys and tools with the boys later¡­¡± Daisybelle knew her papa was not going to sit still, once he heard the truth she¡¯d been dancing around all night. She also had strict instructions to keep him busy and out of the mysterious workshop, below the common room floor. ¡°I promised I¡¯d keep you up here¡­¡± She whined. ¡°Daylight is here, we should rest!¡± Daisybelle watched helplessly, as her king ignored her and went to the workshop door, whistling one of his favorite tunes. ¡®Gone to Buy Sugar¡¯ was so silly and naughty, she couldn¡¯t help but giggle at the simple melody and the fond memories it evoked. The little goblin sighed and followed her papa through the door, not very eager at all to get scolded by her new friends for failing that simple task. She couldn''t help but sing one of her favorite verses, on the way down the stairs¡­ Gone to buy sugar, from the girl round the way Gone to buy sugar, it might take all day¡­ Gone to by sugar, round the break of day, I took a cute young laddie for a roll in the hay, She sang merrily, belting out a naughty favorite from the human town, drawing a giggle from her papa, who¡¯d started it off anyway. We won¡¯t get in trouble if nobody sees, Won¡¯t get caught if nobody hears¡­. The haywain driver has wax in his ears! # Shai stirred slowly and painfully, floating in the familiar hotspring grotto, hidden behind the waterfall. Gary was there, still ashen faced and unconscious, but breathing evenly beside her. Without any conscious thought, she pulled her husband¡¯s status information into her own sight, plucking the controls from his sleeping mind¡¯s slack grip. The poor fool¡¯s Mana, Stamina and Etheric pools were still depleted, but they were refilling; just incredibly slowly. His red health pool was depleted by half and stuck there, ticking up, then down, as some lingering effect drained his life force. She watched for a few long seconds, until that red bar ticked up once more and stayed there; resuming its monotonous cycle of gain and loss from that new, slightly higher position. He was on the mend, just terribly slowly. With difficulty, she staggered out of the bath, dried herself and dressed, still feeling ragged and worn. Behind her eyelids, she traced the other tiny pinpricks of light, emotion and sensation that drifted through her internal map of the compound. Her youngest boys were all four present and healthy, as were most of her other comrades and kin. She kept ticking them off one by one, gently brushing each drifting mote with her senses; seeking a full tally of the costs. She delicately brushed each of her kids, sneakily searching for any other wounds or lingering effects¡­ All she found were exhaustion, bruises and a deep, lingering sadness for the missing warg. They were scattered around the house and yard, doing their own things¡­ Harry had a few scratches and a mildly sprained wrist from his hectic descent from his perch in the magnolia tree. Perry bore scratches on his neck and face, along with some bruises, the result of a tough, hickory smoked zombie¡¯s armored forearm knocking his helmet clean off in the initial rush of stampeding dead. Lindsey¡¯s broken arm was the most severe of the children¡¯s wounds, but had been treated by Liam¡¯s skilled hands, while she ¡®slept¡¯. Those minor injuries, along with a score of other, lesser scuffs and scratches were scattered over the group¡­ When her senses found the Ragamuffins¡¯ houses; particularly Wilf¡¯s house, set off alone in a walled off section of the compound, behind its own wards and hedges, she dug deeper. Slipping her senses through their spells with practiced ease, she explored their section of the compound. The new guests, Ace, Daisybelle, Gandree, the wargs and the supposed Goblin King were all in Wilf¡¯s house, sequestered there while the family got things cleaned up. Her gentle touch on the still new, familiar, very bright and usually cheery mote of light that was Daisybelle found her glowing listlessly, seeming dim and lackluster. The pervasive sorrow wafting from her made it clear that the darling little creature¡¯s missing dog friend was not coming home. Her kids shared that grief with their new comrades; though they were busily working in the inn and yard. Shai felt several strong connections forming already, bonds of camaraderie and affection between her kids, the silly goblin girl and the short, clever, new boy. Gary seemed especially close with the dwarf lad, her husband had bonded with him swiftly, now he was almost paternally fond of the boy. ¡°I¡¯m nae ready tae adopt a dwarf and a goblin¡­¡± She sighed through her exhausted smile. She staggered into the common room and was immediately hugged up by Amy, who pressed herself against her mother¡¯s breast so fiercely that Shai couldn¡¯t understand her question. ¡°How¡¯s papa?¡± She asked gently, when her face was finally out of her mother¡¯s bosom. ¡°Mending slowly¡­ We must wait and see how badly he¡¯s damaged himself, love.¡± She murmured in the little blue songbird¡¯s ear. ¡°Let him rest, aye and me as well, love. I¡¯m still spent and wrecked.¡± She mumbled. In a trice, Amy had her mother upstairs, tucked in with the curtains drawn, in blissful comfort and quiet. Shai eased back in the cloudlike bedding and slowly checked her internal map once more. Gandree and the remaining wargs were huddled closely with Daisybelle, in Wilf¡¯s house, with the two newest ¡®guests¡¯ in her home; Ace and ¡®Ghnash¡¯. They seemed to be in the workshop, working some craft or other and behaving as guests should. Satisfied that no one was in, or up to trouble, she left the kids to work through all that together. Just brushing them with her senses and withdrawing discreetly; they would be stronger for the bitter medicine of grief shared¡­ As she pulled away, her lingering senses touched the newest element in her home. The chaotic, swirling morass of strange sensations that represented the mysterious ¡®Goblin King¡¯ that she¡¯d heard so much about from chatterbox Daisybelle. When she brushed her senses discreetly over that creature¡¯s pinpoint on her map, the reasons for Liam¡¯s insistence that he be isolated from the rest of the compound became clear. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. The little man¡¯s aura was a writhing mass of reaching tendrils and feelers of undirected and mindless Will; instinctively touching and exploring everything and everyone around. The invasive and sneaky threads of unconscious, not exactly magic couldn¡¯t be seen or felt by normal senses, however refined they might be. Only intimate familiarity, long experience and exposure to a very similar effect allowed Liam and herself to sense the subtle and invasive element. The pair had helped Gary master his own, similar spiritual effect¡­ or defect, years before. The phenomenon existed in a place that most scholars and mages considered to be theoretical at best, lingering in the shadows of rationality, just outside the ¡®normal¡¯ magical energies of traditional magery, drifting unseen around every living soul and work of directed spellcraft. It¡­ Or rather, he felt like Gary had, so many years before; when his gifts had been growing wildly at the very beginning. Gary had been a swirling morass of undirected magic, then¡­ mutating in unexpected ways and constantly changing under the influence of external forces and divine meddling. It was clear, this being had much in common with her husband; he felt familiar, but unpredictable, feral and¡­ unsafe. Unlike Ace¡­ or the dark, alien presence that she¡¯d felt from the ¡®Necromancer¡¯, the little ball of energy representing ¡®Ghnash¡¯ felt... Unstable and completely relaxed at the same time. As if he¡¯d traveled very far and come home at last; only to find, like Odysseus, a place he didn¡¯t recognize. Some portion of the strange being¡¯s unconscious mind was reaching out, trying to manipulate his surroundings, to change them to match his expectations and preferences. It was as though he was attempting to assert dominance over the compound and bend it into a shape of his design. She felt his Will, reaching out and unconsciously trying to change the nature of Wilf¡¯s home, to make it more familiar to his own soul¡­ and failing hard. Wilf¡¯s house was built of stone, lumber, sweat and labor¡­ not drifting magic and illusion spun from light and shadow. ¡°Oh! Aye, we can¡¯t let that one inside¡­¡± Shai murmured softly into her pillows. She came away with a distinct sense that her Gary and this creature should definitely not meet, until her boy was back on his feet. She used the mental tricks from her own version of Gary¡¯s bizarre Interface gift to tuck a ¡®live feed¡¯ as he called it, displaying his pools in the corner of her eye, where she could monitor him ¡®remotely¡¯. She giggled again, smiling as she thought on the weird world her boy had been born in, so far away and long ago. Shai nodded in satisfaction, as she noticed his health pool had ticked up a mite farther. Confident that he was on the mend, she slipped into a restful, deep sleep, leaving Ace and the goblins to her big, rowdy family. She needed to see the inside of her eyelids, desperately. # Captain Padilla grumbled sourly, as they huddled under the overturned longboats, hidden in the mangroves on the far side of the island. When that boney lizard bastard flew over, they¡¯d all bailed over the side together and dog paddled for shore in the stormy darkness. The light blessed the four men, delivering them together and un-eaten by sharks or monsters, onto the swampy shore. Lost among the mangroves, on an island that was no doubt crawling with stray zombies, they had come to a decision. Deep in the night, with no sign of the legendary draconic foe of the sacred light, they made a desperate gamble. Fearfully, the four made the long, terrifying swim back to the galley, to loot it for supplies. When they had successfully rowed two longboats around to the far, windward side of the island unobserved, they considered themselves doubly blessed. The vast, outdated and decrepit bireme hulk had never been intended to sail home. Like the ramming vessel, it was a near wreck, destined to end here, regardless. It was a standard tactic, now that the temple of light was being pushed back on every side by the demented and wicked forces of the filthy tarot infidels. That the modern and fully functional flagship had abandoned the operation at the first sign of trouble should have been no surprise, in hindsight. They should have had the standard complement; a score of living marines and at least six necromages on each of the three assault ships, if they were meant to succeed. ¡®Unless this was all that could be spared¡­¡¯ That thought shook Padila just a little. Lomax and Fernando weren¡¯t even proper necromancer lords, just jumped up commoners; cult ritualists with field promotions. Padilla¡¯s veteran¡¯s eye had pegged the rest of the necromages in the doomed shore party for outcasts and misfits too. Certainly the captains at least should have all been full necromancer lords, not just sleepy, half retired old lord captain Dale and the two young, noble ritualists serving on his vessel. Padilla kicked himself mentally for being a blind fool. If they¡¯d cut and run before losing their oarsmen¡­ With a little quick and dirty salt curing, they could have pirated up and down the islands for weeks before the rowers rotted out too badly. Now they were stuck on this nowhere island, with two weathered but serviceable longboats, very little food, only the one basic chart showing Port city and the surrounding waters, a few simple hand weapons¡­ and nothing at all to help deal with the absolutely ravenous, monstrous, insidious mosquitos. That was why, on a warm sunny morning, on a tropical island, the four sailors were huddled under their overturned boats, sweating. From all around, the low, constant drone and buzz drilled into their ears, raising gooseflesh on the damp, itchy and miserable men. Bernard had been bitten by two of the nocturnal variety, flitting down on silent moth wings and tranquilising him with their venom. The poor bastard would have been a dried husk if Padilla hadn¡¯t driven his dirk through the awful things again and again, wailing in manly and courageous fervor¡­ not terror. The blood got everywhere¡­ The bugs were relentless and more than enough to drive them off the island alone¡­ The island that was occupied by wandering stray zombies, but also, an unknown force led by not just one, but two of the light¡¯s most wanted infidels. The idea of being caught on the open water, in a tiny longboat by the legendary dracolich, the Chariot was another kind of terror entirely from mere blood sucking monster vermin. Just the thought that ¡®Ace¡¯, the terrifying Demon Lord of the Turtle islands might be on this barren rock was enough to make his bowels churn¡­ # Ace felt an inexplicable desire to sneeze for some reason. He shrugged it off with ease, just like the vicious scolding he was currently receiving; since an octopus had a lot of ¡®shoulders¡¯... ¡°...You two can wait up here! Now I have to cleanse his inscribing tools and purify his ritual space, so you guys can just sit and think about what you¡¯ve done.¡± Gandree scolded them fiercely, with their butts planted on the sofa by the fireplace. ¡°Maybe, if you¡¯re good, I¡¯ll make you a snack.¡± He stomped away and closed the door, emphatically not slamming it, before Ace let out a chuckle at his own witty inner monologue. ¡°Ace, why are you giggling?¡± Ghnash grumbled. ¡°You wanted to see what was in that jar too¡­ I didn¡¯t know it was stinkbombs.¡± They had both been banished from the workshop, sent back up to the common room to cool their heels after meddling once too often with the kid¡¯s projects. ¡°They act like I didn¡¯t help them last night¡­ I¡¯m not a slacker, like you.¡± Ghnash sniffed at the blue doll creature. ¡°I smelled nothing of your magic or works last night¡­¡± ¡°Uh, yeah¡­ When I¡¯m in my environment, I¡¯m just murder on living mortals, bro. The undead are kind of a weak spot for me. My brand of necromancy is super specialized and¡­¡± He shrugged and shook his featureless armored doll head. ¡°Let¡¯s just say, there¡¯s a reason they didn¡¯t send a troop of living warriors after me. I can¡¯t manipulate bodies¡­ if they¡¯re dead. I can commune with spirits and do some spooky shadow stuff¡¯; but most of my skills are now, obsolete.¡± He rapped his knuckles against his wooden chest lightly. ¡°This handy little toy does the job with no nasty zombie side effects.¡± Ghnash peered at him, looking at the human sized, if gaunt and spindly wooden doll with keen interest, noting some of the more obscure lines of text concealed under the thick, glossy lacquer finish. ¡°I must meet the crafter of this. I think he¡¯s the one the Magician needs.¡± He grunted sourly. ¡°Where did you get this, junk trader?¡± ¡°Your daughters are always so charming and delightful, I see now, where they didn¡¯t get it.¡± Ace sniffed at the gobbo. ¡°It¡¯s a loaner from our host, if you must pry...¡± ¡°Lead me to this host¡­ double quickly!¡± He whispered harshly. ¡°I must speak to them!¡± ¡°No can do, buddy. He¡¯s sick and we¡¯re supposed to stay here, as their guests.¡± Ace mumbled happily. ¡°Relax Ghnash, we¡¯re in a comfy house, right on the water¡­ The kids are friendly and fun and the seafood couldn¡¯t be fresher...¡± ¡°Bahh, Ghnash has king stuff to do. A mission to complete and a debt to the Magician that can never be repaid¡­¡± The little man grumbled. ¡°Cover for me if you will, or at least don¡¯t snitchy-snitch.¡± He¡¯d barely finished speaking, before Ghnash slipped from view, vanishing into the shadows. ¡°Aww, crap.¡± Ace sighed, sitting back on the sofa with a guitar on his wooden lap. ¡°That kid thought of everything¡­¡± He murmured quietly, noting the artfully crafted pads of magically preserved leather on the fingers of the doll. ¡°They play just like real, living hands¡­¡± He sighed, as music began to tumble from his fingers for the first time in so very, very long. Time lost meaning, as he rambled and noodled up and down the instrument; playing with the unfamiliar controls and learning his way around the odd strings of braided spider silk and silver grass. He was beyond rusty, more like his skills had petrified, becoming a rigid and inflexible thing, like a cocoon that the insect inside had long outlived the need of. He struggled against those restraints, fixated on breaking through and touching something more¡­ ¡®It¡¯s been a while¡­¡¯ Ace thought to himself, when he heard the workshop door open, some time later. ¡°Where¡¯s king papa, Ace¡­?¡± Daisybelle demanded sharply, her sweet voice carrying a deadly edge. # Ghnash was pretty impressed with himself so far. Sneaking through the inn yard and into the private baths had been an intense challenge to all of his well honed skills. Not just because of the complex and almost impenetrable net of wardings, blessings, divine sanctifications and occult boons from outside dimensions that simply littered this place. The people were all alert, well trained, highly skilled and very sharp indeed. Not just them, several familiars roamed the place, including at least one flying creature, a pixie of some kind. He¡¯d avoided that being very carefully, the fae were tricksey at any time. He called on lady SpiderBoobs¡¯ gifts, for a bit of wall crawling magic, when things got too difficult. Swiftly skittering up and over the rough, natural stone he discovered a hidden, private grotto; open to the sky and accessed by a passage hidden behind morning glory and jasmine vines. There, floating in the pool was his quarry; a human Gary, if a very weak and shabby one. He clambered down and shed his robes, slipping in among the water plants and reeds to examine the wretch. The man was loosely tangled in the vegetation, it gripped and held him in place as if it had a Will of its own. Likewise, the plants parted for him, allowing his approach, as he evaluated the poor thing. ¡°Bahh.¡± The goblin scoffed. ¡°This can¡¯t be¡­ Weak and damaged¡­ No good good.¡± He bent closer, taking a long, slow sniff of the unconscious man evaluating him with greater care. ¡°No, no¡­ gone rotten inside. Well, can¡¯t be helped¡­ Need a shovel and something for a headstone or marker¡­¡± He grunted. ¡°Family; can¡¯t just tuck him into any old unmarked grave or tip him down a canyon¡­¡± With a sigh, the little man started hauling the limp body from the pool and out into the woods beyond the bamboo thicket. # The post action debrief in the main room was not going well. ¡°We were completely unprepared for an undead raid! It was a near run thing¡­ We lost one ally and nearly lost Gary and Shai.¡± Liam scolded the team leaders gathered for the lecture. ¡°This is my fault, more than anyone else''s¡­ We had no lookouts posted, lax security and piss poor organization.¡± He sighed, slumping into a comfy chair by the fire. ¡°No one leaves the compound alone. Full parties of six or more only. No one leaves without at least two TalkieWalkies? in the party¡­¡± ¡°We really need to discuss that name.¡± Ivy whispered, drawing a glare from the count. ¡°Shush, Tallum! Liam¡¯s scolding us!¡± She whispered much more loudly to her enormous and very patient husband. The young count pinched the bridge of his nose and did a well practiced breathing exercise to clear his mind, while Tallum scolded his wife¡­ The meeting was breaking down quickly, so he pressed on. ¡°Harry, climbing that tree¡­¡± Liam smiled at the lad; he was nervously fingering his flute and looking super embarrassed. ¡°I know¡­ I got stuck up a tree, like a kitten with no sense.¡± He sighed dejectedly. ¡°I had to wait for the goblin fire department!¡± ¡°That was a sound strategy, given what we knew. If we had been facing a force of living men or monsters you could have created all kinds of silent chaos in their ranks¡­ Even so, you got one of the necromancers.¡± He swatted a hard, swordsman¡¯s hand onto the huge youth¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Poison, drugs and venom are great, but we need to be versatile, above all.¡± ¡°I have a ton of blessed silver needles dipped in the sap of a dryad haunted strangling fig and more coated with latex from Ward¡¯s sacred golden fig tree¡­¡± He mumbled, lost in thought, rather than excuses. ¡°I was ready for natural undead and immaterial shades. I just didn¡¯t have anything prepared for necro zombies¡­ and that flesh golem.¡± Harry started chewing on that bone before Liam finished with it, so the count moved on. ¡°Amy, your combined team did very well¡­¡± His gaze switched to the small, red haired man lurking on the periphery of the meeting. ¡°Dannyl, your stunt worked out, because they had very few necromancers controlling that horde. They were slow and clumsy because the controller was so over burdened. With a few more necros on their side, we would have been in even worse trouble¡­¡± Liam insisted, when the young man seemed less than fully impressed by the gravity of the danger. ¡°Those zeds were heavily preserved and armored, if they had managed to get even a couple hands on you¡­¡± ¡°No chance. I was moving too fast and taking too many hands and fingers with me. I had it, bro.¡± Dannyl insisted in return. ¡°That¡¯s ¡®count bro, sir¡­¡¯ Journeyman Adventurer Dannyl.¡± The compact warrior lord snapped, his voice hard, but a warm and reassuring hand landed on the smaller man¡¯s shoulder, while the words were ringing in his ears. ¡°I won¡¯t tolerate that kind of risky behavior¡­ from anyone.¡± He shot a significant look in the direction of the baths and the hidden grotto where Gary was soaking, again. His gaze locked into Gary and Shai¡¯s empty seats, a concerned and mildly angry expression that was loaded with a good measure of self doubt as well. ¡°He¡¯s done it again and nearly destroyed himself, again.¡± Liam sighed. ¡°It¡¯s exhausting¡­ and it¡¯s really hard to yell at him when he wakes up days later!¡± A few long minutes of general grumbling and complaining followed, with the entire group swearing to keep ¡®a closer eye on the mooncalf¡¯ at the end. # Royal Flush Ch: 49 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Royal Flush Ch: 49 The lady of the house woke up ravenous and desperately parched¡­ even so, she first checked her husband¡¯s status, in her own Interface gift. He was doing even better than she had expected or hoped¡­ His Stamina and Mana pools were topped up fully, while his red health bar was nearing three quarters full. She sensed he was still sleeping peacefully, so she left him to rest, while she went down to the common room. Shai finished her beer and gasped, thunking the waxed pearwood mug down onto the bar with a satisfied gasp. ¡°Fie!¡± She grunted happily, heedless of the foam on her upper lip. ¡°Me boy¡¯s stats are ticking up bonny fine and fast now¡­ He¡¯s turnt a corner!¡± She crowed, heading for the grotto with a smile on her face and a basket of batspider wings tossed in buffalo sauce under her elbow. ¡°He¡¯ll most likely be up and around ¡®ere long, cravin¡¯ summatt spicy.¡± Her satisfied sigh drifted through the room and made the instruments hung on the walls sing in gentle harmony. ¡°Nice! I didn''t even notice he¡¯d gotten out of the pool.¡± Becky mumbled, checking her own map of the house, behind her eyelids. ¡°How did he get upstairs without us noticing?¡± She asked a moment later, an expression of concern on her dark, cherubic face. ¡°Shai¡­ where¡¯s Gary?¡± # The frantic search led the family all over the compound¡­ with no result. Shai and Becky could feel him on the main inn grounds, somewhere, but where exactly was shrouded in an impenetrable fog. Shai¡¯s ¡®live feed¡¯ of his status screen showed a slow but steady improvement in his condition¡­ and yet. ¡°I checked in the workshop and storeroom, he didn¡¯t bottle himself again.¡± Becky announced over the search party channel. ¡°I¡¯ll dredge the baths, maybe he sank?¡± ¡°Attic and rafters are clear¡­ though I smell an animal, or something.¡± Ivy broke in a few seconds later. ¡°Otho is tracking it.¡± ¡°Uh, guys, we have two light cult sailors at the gate begging to surrender¡­¡± Dannyl announced across the chat, drawing all ears. ¡°They look like the bugs drank them almost dry.¡± His dark chuckle echoed around the room as the family enjoyed that bit of scabby, scratchy, itchy news. ¡°Tallum, meet me at the gate, we¡¯ll see about prisoners. Everyone else, keep searching, but keep it low key. We don¡¯t want the Clown-Shoes to find out.¡± Liam ordered calmly. ¡°Or worse yet, the Ragamuffins¡­¡± # Ghnash was snoozing in an apricot tree, lost in a half wild seeming, yet splendidly fruitful temperate orchard¡­ On a tropical island. This place was powerfully magical and cheerfully rejected ¡®Objective Reality¡¯, ¡®Physical Laws¡¯ and ¡®magical Rules¡¯ along with any sane suggestions as to the proper way of things, with a careless and cheeky attitude. A soul home was a very rare gift, even among the greatest rarities, his own among them. Such houses were always a reflection of the holder¡¯s true personality and soul¡­ A cagey witch or wizard, with the right spells and gifts could learn much from the magical workings, hidden behind what mortal eyes saw and fleshy hands could touch. Ghnash tickled and teased the swirling network of magical threads and tendrils, so like his own spells, learning more about the master of the place. This one was delightfully mad and haunted, so very damn haunted, by ghosts, shades, fae, even divines¡­ a buttload of divines. With his green face pale and waxen, Ghnash slipped free of the weird ass witchcraft and occult weirdness percolating through the strange house. Whoever this place belonged to was far stranger and more deeply haunted than the witch doctor felt ready to deal with¡­ The poor creature was simply lousy with outside influences. The garden, though, that was very nice! He¡¯d sampled the fruit near the burial site and was deeply impressed by the depth and breadth of the garden¡¯s abundance. Just within a few dozen yards there were nuts, berries, stone fruits, gourds, legumes, edible flowers and herbs¡­ ¡°Oh! Avocados! Need cilantro, a lime¡­ and chips chips chips¡­¡± He whispered, a runnel of thick, clear drool on his chin. People had been roaming the woods, seeking him no doubt, but he was a sly old goblin¡­ And this place seemed to embrace him as fully as his own home did. Whoever¡¯s soul home this was, they were strong and very very skilled¡­ but far too accepting, which explained a lot. All the doors and windows answered his touch, the hedges let him pass and the wards admitted him with just a gentle request¡­ ¡®Only a very great fool would be so open and unguarded.¡¯ He thought, while he was halfway up the avocado tree, selecting a supply of the green, knobbly fruits and contemplating taco Tuesday at the palace¡­ When he sensed someone approaching, he scuttled to a particularly leafy bough and settled in, his green skin and brown robes melding into the dappled sunshine, twenty feet up. Someone large was moving through the orchard forest, stealthily and skillfully; but Ghnash picked their movements out from his lofty perch. With surprise, the goblin king realized it was a human woman, a giantess with red hair¡­ and soft, pale skin¡­ Her low cut bodice and his perch, conspired to give Ghnash a glimpse of the woman¡¯s pale, lightly freckled, milky white milkers... They jiggled and bounced as she walked through the woodland, seeking something. Those boobies, that face.. They were the ones that had been haunting his dreams, ever since he was a little gobbo yobbo, scrabbling for grubs on the forest floor. He disbelieved her presence, seeking to banish the fetch or haunt that had come to mock him in her form. The sight of her was difficult, but when he caught her scent on the breeze an electric shock blasted through every part of him, shaking his Will and Mind to the core. ¡°Sh¡­ Shai?¡± He stammered, standing up on his branch to address her; suddenly confused, overjoyed and crushed¡­ And filled with a mind shattering hope. Memories he¡¯d tried so hard to suppress overwhelmed him as he balanced on the bough, his hands full of pilfered fruit, staring at her tits... The world spun and flipped wildly, he noticed abstractedly¡­ ¡®I must have slipped from my branch¡­ That¡¯s why I¡¯m dreaming.¡¯ He thought. ¡®I hope I don¡¯t mash my ¡®cados. That would suck.¡¯ After that, everything went black. # It was dark, quiet and peaceful, wherever he was. Gary drifted in an endless nothing, untroubled, unbothered, alone and perfectly satisfied with that situation. Free from mortal senses, there was neither heat, nor cold, just the endless now and the void. Slowly, sound returned, then pain. His head and neck hurt¡­ and it was super, double double too bright, wherever he was. Gary tried to sit up, but he was bound, strapped to a table in some awful, bright place of pain and torment¡­ ¡°H¡­ Hospital?¡± He rasped the question hoarsely. He remembered the hospital¡­ but he¡¯d gotten out of there, survived foster care, escaped juvie and lived homeless¡­ Then lived again in another place, a place of magic, wonder and¡­ and the family he¡¯d lost. In desperate, mindless panic, he thrashed and strained at his bonds, too thoroughly blinded by the awful lights to have any clue where he really was. ¡°Wake up, goblin¡­¡± Said a voice so familiar that it warmed every fiber of his being, despite the speaker¡¯s tone being sharp and cold as an obsidian blade to his throat. He gasped, struggling against his bonds again as he remembered the forest and the fights for survival, supremacy and booty¡­ He recalled his daughters a few seconds later¡­ and his beloved Sabrina, his goblin queen. Ghnash peeled open his eyes, wondering how he¡¯d gotten caught up in a nightmare¡­ There she was, the goddess of his dreams; the Shai he¡¯d loved and lost¡­ and believed gone forever. ¡°Shai¡­ baby¡­¡± He sobbed, tears and snot welling up in a tidal wave from his face holes. ¡°It¡¯s me¡­ Gary¡­ Your Fool.¡± He never saw the slap coming¡­ and it all went dark again. # ¡°I¡¯ve done some research on this, as a curiosity, really.¡± Ace muttered, looking into the clean, white plastered room holding a metal bed; to which a small green man was bound. Bright lights were placed in each corner, above; and oddly, below the bed. No other furniture cluttered the room, just a single door and the window they were watching him through. ¡°From the moment of my ¡®arrival¡¯, I possessed a nearly complete memory of my past life on earth, unlike most of my brothers¡­¡± The puppet creature said quietly. ¡°It has to do with how mature a species is at birth¡­ I hatched out a fully formed adult, there was no confusing, infancy phase for me. Hermit too, possesses a nearly complete memory of earth¡­ Too bad he didn¡¯t come along.¡± ¡°And that¡¯s why the more human Garies are so different?¡± Becky asked gently. ¡°Their own childhoods interfered with those prior memories?¡± ¡°Exactly. Goblins reach maturity at six or seven years old, but they are born with nearly the full cognition they will ever develop¡­ Out here on the fringe of things, farther from the prime worlds, things get a little less¡­ stable.¡±The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Ace shrugged eloquently. ¡°I gather your Gary popped out of the void fully grown; that¡¯s weird, but hey, I¡¯m an octopus¡­¡± ¡°Please focus, Ace.¡± Becky scolded him. ¡°One of ours is missing and this one is a prime suspect.¡± ¡°Ghnash would never hurt any of the Garies, he values his family above all else, the lucky little bastard.¡± Ace mumbled, sounding deeply conflicted. ¡°He also claims to remember another life, lived after our shared time on earth. He doesn¡¯t talk about it much, but he feels¡­ deep grief and sorrow from that life.¡± ¡°My brother is missing and he knows something, Ace. After we find Shai¡¯s husband we can worry about his problems.¡± She snapped coldly. Ace held his wooden hands up in surrender and shook his head. ¡°All right, you win, you can be bad, cop. I¡¯ll be sexy, mysterious cop, with a hidden sensitive side that he hides behind witty banter¡­¡± The puppet man fell silent, when Becky put up the hood of her formal robes, engulfing her pretty, cherubic face in crawling chaos and ominous, dark shadows. ¡°Ace, focus up.¡± She walked into the room, a dark robed harbinger of early winter frost and the end of things, cold and implacable. ¡°We can¡¯t wait any longer.¡± # ¡°King Ghnash, lord of the goblin dungeon, where is my brother?¡± The robed and hooded figure demanded, when the goblin looked up to see who¡¯d entered. He squinted in the bright lights, but it barely helped. ¡°Br.. Brother? Nub Gruk!¡± He gabbled hastily, flinging drool from slack lips, as he pleaded and shouted his inability to understand. ¡°Can it gobbo, I speak gob too.¡± The hooded girl snapped, in perfect mountain tribe pidgin. She even got the accent right, rolling the L¡¯s just a little and with plenty of slobber in her cheeks. ¡°My brother, Gary Ward, you know where he is. Tell me now.¡± ¡°Bahh, too many Garies here! I smell several¡­ gotta be specific. I only took the broken Gary¡­ The one you had soaking in a pond¡­¡± He chittered his teeth at her and leered inside her hood. ¡°Oh, I see, priestess! High priestess of god SmartyPants! Ghnash too! Ghnash is a priest of the god of smartness and cleverly doing many smart things!¡± He cheered, seeing hope on the horizon, for some reason. ¡°Unbind me, cult sister. I buried that wrecked Gary, buried him good and deep.¡± He nodded firmly, his head bobbling on the bed. ¡°Needed doing, should have been done long, long ago!¡± He chittered again, when Becky made no move to release him. ¡°You¡­ buried him?¡± She asked, very carefully, peering at him from her hood of darkness. ¡°Yes yes, nice and deep! Gave nice shroud too, very precious, sanctified to lady SpiderBoobs!¡± He nodded some more, excited by his workings. ¡°Good good grave clothes! I made grave marker too, very proper burial! Strong funeral. You¡¯re welcome!¡± ¡°Where?¡± She barked. ¡°Where did you bury my brother?!¡± In an instant she was up in the little man¡¯s face. Her hood crawling with tentacles of utter darkness, inches from the tip of his long nose. ¡°In garden. Is good soil, burial good for the soil too.¡± He nodded again, smiling cheerfully. When he spoke again, he seemed less¡­ gobliny and more human. ¡°Show me your face¡­ please, girly¡­ I feel like I should know you¡­ Ace, tell her Ghnash is ok. Ghnash good good goblin, hardly ever kills humans and never eats, even though they are tasty tasty smelling!¡± His diction and grammar kept shifting between clear and lilting, Gary¡¯s own accent; and a wild, random pidgin speech cobbled together from grunts and disordered words of the common tongue. Ghnash¡¯s pleading look shifted to a hostile glare and then back to plaintive puppy gob eyes, as he looked back and forth between his two interrogators. ¡°I¡¯m on thin ice too, bro¡­ What the fuck did you do?¡± Ace demanded. ¡°Just tell her where the poor bastard is, he¡¯s a wreck anyway.¡± ¡°Nice job helping, Ace!¡± Both the hooded girl and the goblin complained sarcastically, in unison. ¡°Look here¡­¡± The goblin complained bitterly, glaring at them fiercely. ¡°Is a therapeutic funeral¡­ gotta bury dead things right¡­ dumb humans¡­¡± # While Ghnash grumbled and complained, Becky tapped her ear cuff and whispered softly. ¡°Is he still Ok? You can still see his status?¡± Becky asked softly and gasped with relief a moment later. ¡°Search around where you caught this little creep, look for something like a grave marker or something¡­¡± She paused for a moment and whispered again. ¡°Be careful if you use that crazy shovel¡­ He says he buried him¡­ I love you.¡± She left the room without another word, since the goblin was still nattering on. She left Ace with the weird little guy, under strict instructions to not let him loose. # Gary felt¡­ good. He felt stronger than he had in a long time and wanted to get up. He needed to get moving and see what happened after he blacked out¡­ When he opened his eyes, only darkness met his gaze. When he tried to move, something immense pressed him in, all around. Panic set in immediately, as he realized the awful truth¡­ He¡¯d been buried alive. He felt a shroud of smooth soft silk around his naked body and the cool, damp earth, hugging him close¡­ And his panic drained away, just as quickly as it had come. He couldn¡¯t breathe, but he didn¡¯t feel the lack. He couldn¡¯t move or see, but he felt a distant vague memory of something similar happening, way back when¡­ It was a jolt to suddenly find himself reminiscing on his time in the womb, and even more jarring to realize he kinda remembered that time... now. Gary felt no bodily needs, no urges or imperatives, just a tranquil ease, surrounded by the close clinging shroud and the rich, loamy soil all around, above and below his body. ¡®Dead?¡¯ He wondered briefly, but a check of his status showed all his pools were good; green, red, yellow and blue, across the board. Using his Interface gift must have jostled a message loose, since one got tossed in front of his eyes without warning. Cheerful, golden text in a window, bordered with mystic runes and sigils that all spelled out his own name in endless phonetic and idiographic variations, hovered before his eyes. His old familiar Interface gift was still working like a champ. Congratulations, you have been successfully interred in your grave. Your mortal remains are being purified, please be patient. Time interred: Three hours, twenty two minutes. Optimal exhumation window time remaining: One hour, ten minutes. Time until exhumation is required: Ten hours, eight minutes. Ghnash Wha¡¯rrgh Thanks you for participating in this occult, ritual burial¡­ and enjoy your esoteric rebirth! Gary Ward, the lost, mad and damaged remnant of a criminal experiment, perpetrated by a cabal of gods, fae and immortals was accustomed to new experiences, especially unpleasant ones¡­ This was not so bad, especially by ¡®buried alive¡¯ standards. He did find himself deeply shocked that being buried alive was relaxing, liberating and felt like a cleansing river of good feelings had washed away the built up silt and rubble of his life so far. If nothing else, he felt like maybe his soul had just taken a massive crap, That came along with the sense of lightness and well being that unloading a legendary deuce sometimes brings. Wishing he could take a deep breath and stretch, he reached out with his senses, into the place where he was buried. ¡®In my own back orchard?¡¯ He thought, finding a bit of grim amusement there. With his senses roaming the house and yard, he noticed right away; the family was searching for something¡­ or someone, pretty desperately. ¡®Oh, no¡­¡¯ He thought, as he remembered the look on Shai¡¯s face when he¡¯d told her to ¡®shut up¡¯ before demanding that Liam help him kill himself with a sweet ass guitar. ¡®Ok, maybe I am dead¡­¡¯ He mused hopefully. The problems innate to those who spend time hanging out with gods, spirits and the dead are different from the usual run of troubles¡­ Gary knew he wasn¡¯t dead, because Ward would have shown up to shuffle him from his mortal coil already. They had a pinky swear on that. Gary was not going to be an undead menace, slowly going mad and devouring the lives of mortals. ¡®On the other hand¡­¡¯ He thought. ¡®A little light haunting and spooking is fine, right?¡¯ With a bit of internal effort and a flex of a portion of his being that he couldn¡¯t quite define or explain rationally, he ripped his shadow free and sent it drifting up through the soil in classic spectre style. ¡®Ah¡­ Better!¡¯ He whispered in the rustle of dead leaves across the grass. He hitched up his trailing shroud of darkling vapor and began to glide toward the house, leaving a trail of black, misty tendrils in his wake. He haunted through the gate and ghosted through the garden proper, steering wide of the baths and their cloud of entangling steam. That way led to true death; Shai would kill him if he stumbled into his own bath and slipped into the next life on a metaphorical, banana peel pratfall. He found her, marching along looking furious and carrying her beloved grave digging shovel,Yorick¡¯s Spade, the terrifying thing was more of a weapon intended to destroy the undead than a gardening tool. Fortunately Liam was there with her, but he was carrying a shovel too¡­ his own custom made murder shovel, both deadly trenching and digging weapons were gifts from Gary¡¯s own hands, from when he¡¯d been able to play with his toys. ¡®Oh, man¡­¡¯ He mumbled in the soft clatter of branches in the wind, scraping against your windowpane. Nonplussed and a little worried, Gary hurried back to his grave and stopped, halfway done sinking into the soil to rejoin his body¡­ He hadn¡¯t noticed on the way out, but there was a marker; a simple bamboo pole, topped by a boar skull, painted with the signs, runes and ideograms of goblin witchcraft. Written boldly down the length of the grave marker, in dark blue pigmented clay was a ¡®blessing¡¯. Here Lies A Gary Ward¡­ Gabba Gabba, We Accept You! We Accept You, One Of Us! ¡®Ok¡­ I have to take that one on the chin.¡¯ The crickets and night birds sighed, sounding deeply exhausted by the strangeness of life. # The half wild naturalistic ¡®food forest¡¯ that Gary let run wild in his back lot was not among Shai¡¯s favored haunts, despite how much all the kids loved foraging there, ¡®on easy mode¡¯. She liked it even less, while searching for the spot where a mad goblin man had buried her husband alive¡­ before feebly attempting to take his place. She slipped through the berry canes, all heavily laden with ripe fruit and smelling divine, as she ducked under a plum tree, its boughs sprinkled with several varieties of the sweet squishy darlings. There, between the apple tree and a wide spreading pumpkin vine was a bare patch of earth with a crude totem erected at the head of the grave. Unfamiliar goblin scribbles read clear to her through her inherited gift from her lad¡­ But the words were utter nonsense. ¡°Gabba Gabba, my sweet arse.¡± She growled as she read the short passage. ¡°Gods above and below! Liam, Kermal come aid me with the digging!¡± Shai bellowed, as she cut the soil over the new filled grave. In a few seconds the two men were there, wielding magical shovels as potent as her own, in their own ways. Liam¡¯s spade moved earth with inhuman speed, while Shai¡¯s cut and hewed obstructions and stubborn roots easily. Together they dug an expanded pit around the grave site, for safety¡¯s sake, hurling clods and turf aside with gusto. Kermal¡¯s gray shafted, bronze bladed shovel burrowed through the earth quickest of all, digging straight down, seeking the ¡®prize¡¯. The young knight attacked the plot of dirt with a vengeance, careless of what he might plunge his keen bladed tool into. He was using his Contract weapon in shovel guise; the magical construct would never, could never, harm the man it had once been a part of and had bequeathed it to the knight after his death¡­ one of them anyway. It was pretty confusing. The magical weapon could, would and did give him an almighty clobbering in the belly, when sir Kermal struck ¡®paydirt¡¯ four feet down. ¡°Oof!¡± Gary moaned, through a thick layer of rich black soil that was crawling with all manner of worms and slippery things. Shai was down in the hole with Liam, digging him the rest of the way out by hand and getting absolutely filthy, before the knight could stammer out an apology. To be fair, he had whacked the man in the breadbasket with a shovel during his own emergency exhumation. That had to count for something, right? ¡°Are ye well? Kin ye speak, lad?¡± Shai demanded, very loudly, right in Gary¡¯s sensitive, silence attuned earhole. ¡°Shhh! Too loud¡­¡± He whispered desperately, as he tried to hide his eyes from the warm tropical afternoon sun. ¡°Too bright!¡± He wailed weakly, as his wife dragged him out of the hole and ripped open his shroud. ¡°I think it¡¯s my turn to spank him on the ass¡­¡± Kermal reflected quietly, while he removed a length of some kind of sinew or gut, stuck into a plug of wax from his friend¡¯s navel. ¡°Hold him upside down for me.¡± # ¡°See?¡± Ghnash demanded happily, when the faceless priestess glided back into the brightly lit cell to face the blinking goblin¡¯s watering eyes. ¡°Good funeral, strong magic, healing magic of goblin tribe¡­ Soil here is very fine too. Strong mojo! Lucky, double lucky Ghnash strong witch doctor¡­¡± He gibbered and hooted, straining against his bonds, until she used her Will to dim the lights. ¡°He seems to be safe¡­ and healthy¡­¡± The hooded girl murmured quietly. ¡°You broke your word¡­ you promised to wait until we were ready to introduce you to our friends.¡± Her scolding tone cut deep into Ghnash for some reason, spiking his soul with daggers of guilt and shame that disrupted his magic¡­ A witch doctor¡¯s mojo was the trust and honor his tribe held for him, balanced against his own honor and sense of duty to the tribe. He¡¯d never had trouble lying or cheating humans before, they were natural enemies and no human should ever take a gobbo¡¯s word for anything; just as no gob could really trust a human. Now he felt out of balance, his mojo waned a bit under that internal stress, diminishing his powers. ¡°That poor Gary could have lingered on, half wrecked for years in that condition¡­¡± He complained sourly, disliking the way this nameless, faceless priestess was making him feel inside. ¡°Needed to be done done, and double quick quick too!¡± He hooted, shame burning in his cheeks and bowels, like hot peppered, boar-grub larvae¡­ ¡°So squishy and spicy! Now Ghnash is super duper hungry!¡± The goblin king moaned. # Jokers’ Wild Ch: 50 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance Jokers¡¯ Wild Ch: 50 It was a full moon night, with both orbs fully illuminating the forests and wildlands on the world below. That was Ward¡¯s time to shine¡­ as the god of Death and master of the Madman¡¯s Moon. For reasons he didn¡¯t understand and was enjoying himself too much to investigate, he felt especially gibbous and low hanging tonight, like nothing could eclipse him on a night like this. ¡°I¡¯m a bountiful harvest moon, bask in my luminous rays, my darlings¡­¡± The divine being murmured, deeply amused by his own performance. He lounged on a low platform of silken cushions, feeling even more fully alive and connected to his adopted homeworld far above¡­ or below, depending. He writhed with sensual languor among an absurd number of pillows, acres of fine woven silk must have gone into that wondrous, plush stage set of opulence and decadence. Every kith and kind of silk spinning insect had contributed something to that enormous plump pile of plush pillows and upholstered garden bed of wicked, sensual temptations and delights. Over the top? Absolutely. Ridiculously extravagant and stupidly luxurious? Yup. ¡°Entertain me¡­¡± He demanded imperiously from his bed, his command both listless and imperative. Ward was sprawled bonelessly across the ample acreage, dressed in a few shreds of sheer silk; while all around him, the lovely leafy ladies of his harem were scattered, adoring their lord and worshiping at his feet. Sequoia fed him a wedge of chilled dewberry pie, pilfered from some human¡¯s pantry in the mortal world by a sneaky brownie or pixie, for his special night. Likewise, the pear brandy that Pear herself poured for him was also stolen goods, lifted in the night by the fae¡­ So too were the bread, cheese, wine, beer, sausages and¡­ ¡°All right, who brought the tuna casserole?¡± Ward demanded. ¡°Oh, no¡­¡± Ginkgo whispered from behind her fan. The delicate brushstrokes of a master¡¯s hand had depicted a winding, tortured ginkgo tree on the crisp, white paper membrane. Drawn in simple and stark black ink, it made a striking counterpoint to the concealed woman, almost entirely obscured by her elaborate hairstyle and complex, colorful, ritual kimono. ¡°Was that wrong? I pay little attention to human cuisine¡­¡± She whispered meekly. ¡°No, darling, it¡¯s actually one of my favorites, I just wasn¡¯t expecting¡­¡± He paused, briefly, before exclaiming: ¡°Oh sweet! They swiped the crispy fried onions, leeks and garlic too! Clever little guys!¡± A small phalanx of tiny men dressed in outlandish, anime style ¡®ninja attire¡¯ shot him a thumbs up, before executing a quick wheel maneuver with uncanny, military precision. The little men vanished into the forest, their heads bent forward and arms held behind them, dashing away, doing the ¡®Naruto Run¡¯ as tradition dictates. ¡°I love full moon nights!¡± Ward moaned, as Strangler Fig¡¯s powerful hands began massaging his feet. ¡°Yes, master.¡± She sighed subserviently. ¡°As you wish, my lord¡­¡± Apricot joined in, gently massaging his shoulders, her small, soft hands were delicious on his bare skin. ¡°Plumeria wanted me to remind you¡­¡± The soft, tender girl murmured in his ear. ¡°Yes, lover?¡± He cooed. ¡°What does sweet Meria want, on my very special night?¡± ¡°She wanted me to let you know that the full moon began waning ten minutes ago. She wants you in the sailor suit, since you¡¯re tardy for your date.¡± The hateful little vixen murmured in his ear, her sweet voice, now a poisonous hiss, in his tortured mind. ¡°Oh, shit, shit! We had a date! Oh, crap!¡± The god of Death, Vengeance and Golden Figs scrambled out of his pile of damsels and hurried away donning an adorable white sailor suit, adorned with ribbons of baby blue and shiny silver buttons and buckles. He hitched up his knickerbockers and adjusted the pretty bows at his knees. Once his neckerchief was at just the right angle to let Plumeria know he was a stone cold rebel, he went up to the inn to grovel at her feet. # Marduk and Eponna pretended to not notice the weird performance that was going on at the garden gate, but it was pretty distracting. He paused the big screen, drawing a groan from the gathered divines. ¡°Ward¡­ why are you kowtowing before lady Plumeria?¡± He asked impatiently. ¡°I don¡¯t really want to know how you screwed up this time, but we all know you won¡¯t stop this¡­ whatever, until it¡¯s all out in the open¡­ I¡¯d like to get back to the program. This episode is particularly interesting!¡± He sighed and tapped his golden sandal toe at the man in the sailor suit with his forehead on the ground. ¡°I was fifteen minutes late for our date to watch the show¡­ and I may have killed another immortal.¡± He mumbled. ¡°Just a little one. Nobody remembers Hiaruntrix, the Night Hag anyway, that¡¯s why she was the demon queen of Unremembered Nightmares.¡± He smiled, which was somehow evident, despite the way he was still kissing the dirt, and chuckled. ¡°She WAS the Thief of Nightmares.¡± ¡°All right, Ward. I¡¯ll forgive you, but only because that twat needed to face either Death or a deep dicking¡­¡± Plumeria sighed benevolently. ¡°I¡¯m proud of you for making the right choice.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡­¡± He replied, as he got to his feet. ¡°I totally knew she was going to try and curse me while we were boning, but I was totally ready for it!¡± Ward answered blithely. The tiny hand that clamped onto his ear and dragged him off into the dryad woods was merciless. ¡°Well¡­¡± Marduk sighed as they vanished. ¡°...let¡¯s get back to the show. I had no idea funerals worked that way!¡± He murmured, as the show resumed. The blackness of the shroud got savagely torn away by Shai¡¯s mighty hands, showering light and sensation back into the black world he had been in. Blinded, deafened and bent nearly double by the hammerblow his former friend, Kermal had dealt to his guts, Gary moaned and begged to be re-interred, just for a little while; before he slipped away into the natural sleep of a newborn babe. ¡°Fascinating¡­¡± Ipet muttered, her dozens of beaded necklaces rattling softly over her otherwise bare breasts. ¡°Many of my worshippers have elaborate funerial rites¡­ but I don¡¯t work that side of the business. I had no idea the rituals were so versatile!¡± The hippo headed goddess of Justice murmured excitedly, leaning back on the sofa, her arms draped around Hotoi and Bast. Distracted by the entertainment, mighty Ipet barely noticed that she was hugging the two disparate divines so close that their faces were nearly lost in the smooth soft boobs and clattering beads. ¡°Ease up there, divine lady,¡± Baron Samedi tipped his shiny black tophat and adjusted his crisp funeral suit lapels with a nod of his bare, grinning skull. ¡°They don¡¯t need to breathe, but I think Bast might be about to scratch you someplace tender if¡­ you don¡¯t let go¡­¡± He leaned closer, peering at the plump, jolly god of happiness and good fortune, who was slowly being engulfed, lost in the ¡®valley of the queens¡¯. ¡°Hotoi¡¯s fine.¡± The skeleton deity chuckled at the scene, the cotton tufts in his empty nasal cavity fluttering in his amusement. Jolly old Hotoi may have said something, but his divine proclamation was lost among the glittering treasures that barely concealed what was truly priceless¡­ The sweet, bouncy funbags of the divine hippo hottie.. The Baron leaned back in his chair, with the now liberated Bast curled up on his lap; while the feline goddess kept glaring at Ipet from across the coffee table. ¡°That was a magical healing ritual¡­ A potent one too. A spiritual death and rebirth, with a ritual purification of the body¡­¡± He sipped from a bottle of rum, the liquid vanishing into his fleshless form, because that was just how things worked... The skeletal man belched around the skinny, crooked cigar that was somehow still burning between his teeth; releasing a ring of blue and orange fumes, smoke and flames that lingered in the air above him. ¡°That was old school and risky in the extreme, far too dangerous to attempt without the skills of a potent Mojoka. That goblin knows his stuff.¡± The skeletal deity rubbed his boney jaw in consideration for a moment. ¡°Marduk¡¯s pet should be free of bonds, strictures and curses, unless I miss my guess; but it will be a while before he wakes... Switch channels, let¡¯s see what that little green guy is up to!¡± With a subtle wave, Joy replaced the black screen and the sound of Gary¡¯s own soft, sleepy breathing with bright lights, as they joined the action, already in progress. # ¡°Please¡­¡± The goblin moaned piteously from his brightly lit cell. ¡°Let Ghnash out of this awful place! Ghnash good good goblin! You see! Strong magic and very clever!¡± He gabbled and whined, his huge, hard knuckled and scarred hands desperately trying to shade his eyes from the intrusive lights. They had released him from the bed, at least¡­ But he was stuck in the bright-hole and couldn¡¯t escape¡­ It was almost as if they knew how to deal with a shadow witch¡¯s powers¡­ ¡°No.¡± The faceless priestess said, not ungently, as she dimmed the lights a little more and entered the room, distracting him from his scattered thoughts and disrupted mojo. The accursed lights remained bright enough that no shadows could be cast in the tiny, white plastered room.This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°You performed an unauthorized necromantic ritual on my brother¡­ I¡¯m not letting you out until I¡¯m certain he¡¯s safe¡­ and then I¡¯ll consider parole.¡± ¡°Ghahh! Wicked priestess! Please at least make it dark dark! I can¡¯t think when the lights are so loud!¡± He pleaded and chittered, while squatting on the bed, with the coverlet draped over his head. ¡°How does the blanket not even cast a shadow? This is madness!¡± He whined. ¡°We have taken steps to prevent you from escaping, that¡¯s all you need know, Ghnash. If you¡¯d kept your word we wouldn¡¯t be going through this awkward phase in our relationship.¡± Her face was completely engulfed in crawling shadows and creeping hints of what lies unseen in the depths of a winter¡¯s forest; yet Ghnash sensed she was smiling¡­ She dimmed the lights a little more too. ¡°Can I get you anything?¡± She asked, as she prepared to leave the tiny chamber. ¡°My flute would be nice¡­¡± He sighed, sounding much more human, much more¡­ Gary. ¡°I know you won¡¯t trust me after what I did¡­ When I get stressed¡­ I get a little¡­¡± He shrugged his compact, muscular green shoulders. ¡°I¡¯m a gobbo, in the end. I kinda get¡­ primal and¡­¡± The giant goblin sat on the bed, looking lost and very confused. The hooded figure leaned close, looming over him, towering a full five feet, three inches, putting her head and shoulders above the slumped green man. ¡°Here¡­ you can borrow this.¡± She murmured, passing him a beautiful ebony and monster bone recorder, as she departed. ¡°I¡¯ll try and get you cut loose soon.¡± She reached out a gloved hand and gently patted the king of all goblins on his shaggy head. ¡°Daisybelle and Gandree will come to visit in a moment, I think. Have fun and be nice. Shai really wanted to skin you alive over that stunt, but she¡¯s cooling down...¡± On impulse, he held his arms out, hoping for a hug. The slim, dark robed woman pulled Ghnash to his feet and held him close without hesitation, embracing the goblin man with his head resting on her breast. They stood like that for a little while. Ghnash kept sobbing, sneezing and really putting the impressive stain and moisture resistance enchantments on her robe to the test. ¡°Ghnash makes mess mess of fancy mojo robes¡­¡± He burbled and wheezed into her arms a few seconds later. ¡°That¡¯s ok brother, I¡¯ll make my Gary wash them for me. Thanks for making me feel tall, little guy.¡± She murmured in his long green ear. ¡°Ghnash big big!¡± He grumbled weepily. ¡°Humans just too too freaky-tall¡­ weirdos.¡± # ¡°What is that creature? What is it doing there..?¡± A hoarse, raspy voice whispered from the doorway, her hidden eyes fixed on the wide screen the divines were watching with such interest. The little goblin man on the screen sat down on the bed, playing a merry tune on his flute; as the person whose senses the divines were snooping and spying on, turned and left the creature¡¯s cell. As one, the gathered divines in the spacious room turned and looked at the doorway and the ragged, black and gray cloaked figure looming there, tall, despite her hunched and stooped back. Propped up on a long staff of some monstrous, unidentifiable bone, decorated with songbird skulls and raptor feathers, the ancient crone in the entryway glared at the gaggle of immortals with unconcealed distrust. ¡°A question I might also ask of the gathered company¡­ regarding your own presence, Baba Yaga.¡± Marduk answered coldly. ¡°I invited her, lord Marduk.¡± Thirp answered smoothly, as she stepped into the foyer with the hag. ¡°She wants to talk.¡± The spider deity shrugged helplessly¡­ and with a large number of very confusing shoulders. ¡°Things are coming to a head, I think. We should at least listen, before going all in¡­¡± She glanced significantly at the ancient forest witch and smiled very coldly. ¡°Even though we have quite a strong hand. A full house of face-cards, all kings, jacks, jokers and knaves.¡± The witch hiked up her ragged robes and cloak, coughed raspily into her elbow and tried to smile at the group of immortals, divines and fae that were all staring at her expectantly. Her ¡®smile¡¯ did little for the tense atmosphere, her twisted, sharp teeth and cruel, mirthful lips were less than reassuring. The dark, glittering eyes peering from her hood bore a keen intelligence and a gleeful sense that she was pulling one over on whoever met her gaze for long. ¡°Divine and blessed Dana, lady of Healing, has tasked me with resolving the ¡®unpleasantness¡¯ between our factions¡­¡± She coughed again, when the neutral stares intensified, silently becoming mildly hostile and suspicious, across the varied and disparate beings scattered around the room. All except jolly Hotoi, he remained blissfully oblivious, nearly lost in his search for the ¡®source of the Nile¡¯ somewhere between those two smooth and supple mountains. ¡°Don¡¯t pass through the reeds, lad!¡± Oghma chuckled and wheezed with amusement, as the pleasant viewing party turned chaotic. ¡°Fish him out by his ankles, Ba''al, ¡®ere he be lost forever.¡± Ipet simply smiled benignly at the struggling god and blushed a rosy pink on her dusky hippo cheeks. ¡°Well, I suppose we should make this a garden party, then. I expect several more entities to arrive.¡± Marduk grumbled sourly. ¡°Thirp may have invited you into the grounds, but I¡¯ll not have you in the house¡­¡± The little god¡¯s glare was anything but subtle, even blowing her tattered cloak of rags about with the force of his divine regard. ¡°Don¡¯t look at me like that, Thirp. This is my friend¡¯s house, I¡¯m just watching it for him¡­¡± Marduk sniffed at the aghast and embarrassed spider. ¡°Very well¡­ though such discourtesy is unbecoming and reflects poorly on the hospitality of Gary¡¯s house¡­¡± The wily spider deity had a knack for hitting the little god below the belt. ¡°I don¡¯t care. I don¡¯t trust her.¡± Ducky sniffed. ¡°Come along gentle beings, let¡¯s get this buffet moved! And for the sake of all that¡¯s divine, someone help Hotoi!¡± All that remained to be seen of the jocular and rotund deity were his slippers, helplessly kicking in the grip of the hippo goddess¡¯ divine cleavage. ¡°He kicked me when I tried¡­ right in my nose!¡± Ba¡¯al complained, rubbing his wide, bovine snoot. With the sound of a person passing through a beaded curtain, Hotoi strolled back out from the voluptuous valley, smiling and whistling gaily; wearing a strand of lapis lazuli beads around his neck and bearing a huge red lipstick mark around his wide, joyous smile. ¡°What did I miss?¡± He asked Ipet, coyly. # Two soggy, salt stained, ragged and rash covered wretches were sprawled on the sand, awaiting whatever fate the infidels had planned for them. Samuel and Kiba remained face down in the oddly clean sand, it didn¡¯t even bear the ungodly reek of the slowly decaying zombie rowers that had been absolutely wrecked on this very beach the night before. No sign of the battle remained at all inside the compound, while a platoon of young men and women combed the jungle and wild fringes for remnants of the intense conflict that had destroyed a landing force that could have swept a small city off the map in an hour or two. Around twenty people and a few pets had simply demolished the expeditionary force, from the comfort of a pleasant inn, surrounded by a lovely hedge of flowers and berries¡­ A hedge that was once more intact. Samuel risked peeking up from his place on the sand and was answered by a soft growl from the huge white and silver-grey snow leopard that was napping nearby; and guarding them very effectively while snoozing. Eventually a tall and skinny shadow fell over the two men, joined by a much shorter one. ¡°All right you two¡­ Count Liam says I can¡¯t just slaughter you on his beach.¡± The taller figure said, in a voice that was harsh and just a little wooden sounding. ¡°Start explaining why I shouldn¡¯t drag you out into the jungle and tidy up where his lordship won¡¯t be offended.¡± ¡°That awful winged monster and her terrible undying shadow minion told us to swim for it, so we did! I swear¡­ we never really wanted to join the church of the blessed Light!¡± Kiba squeaked into the sand, his own voice nearly wrecked by thirst and misery. ¡°They all say that when they realize that they¡¯ve fallen into the clutches of Ace, the demon lord of the Turtle islands.¡± The creature announced proudly. ¡°Oh, gods above and below¡­ another damn chunni!¡± The shorter shadow mumbled. ¡°All right, on your feet. Try anything funny and you¡¯ll have to deal with Audrey. She¡¯s pretty cranky after eating all those salted zombies.¡± When Samuel and Kiba staggered upright, swaying and staggering, they faced a compact young man with the handsome face of a lord¡¯s pillow toy, but the bearing of a lord in his own right and a bizarre, blue puppet creature made of lacquered wood¡­ Behind them stood a monstrous plant dragon of green, growing vines, broad leaves and showy snapdragon flowers, bedecked in all the colors of a child¡¯s fancy. ¡°Kiba¡­¡± Samuel gasped weakly. ¡°I think we died and the afterlife is fucking weird.¡± # Ghnash let out a huge belch, dusted a fart over the bed he was sitting on and set his plate on the floor, licked so clean it was hard to tell it wasn¡¯t a fresh one from the cupboard. ¡°Mmm.. spicy¡­¡± He murmured happily, a dollop of sticky hotsauce dancing on the tip of his nose, just out of reach of his long goblin tongue. ¡°Buffalo batspider wings¡­ takes me back¡­¡± ¡°My sister made those for you¡­¡± The hooded girl murmured. ¡°You have gained a fingernail¡¯s width of her forgiveness for your antics; for which I¡¯m surprised and pleased, considering how things turned out.¡± The girl chuckled at him darkly from within her cowl. ¡°Her husband is recovering, though he has yet to wake, so you might not find yourself sliced into goblin king bologna.¡± Her voice sharpened a moment later. ¡°What were you doing when you fell out of that tree and smashed face first into a heap of guacamole? Why were you pretending to be the man you buried?¡± ¡°Faugh, Ghnash old old goblin; little human girlie¡­ Got confused and loopy, lat nub gruk. Too young by far, is old man problems.¡± He sniffed her to be sure and grinned. ¡°So familiar¡­ but nub¡­ Ghnash has daughters older than you.¡± ¡°Come out into the common room and tell me about them¡­ It¡¯s just us in the house, your majesty...¡± She had a slightly teasing note in her almost familiar words. Something about those robes concealed her features and masked her voice; the robes were damn familiar too, in some really weird ways. He could almost feel the spells and enchantments wrought through them. ¡°Aren¡¯t your friends worried I¡¯ll eat you up and escape?¡± He asked mildly, skewering her with a deadly up-raised eyebrow and a jab of his long, pointed nose. ¡°They know I can handle myself, even in the face of the mighty Ghnash.¡± A tiny giggle escaped her lips, as she led him out of the awful cell and into the too familiar house. It was all too too familiar¡­ and not at all. This was no soul home he stood in, not in any way he understood the principles involved. It felt far too real and solid. As real as any well built country inn; and yet¡­ He shoved those thoughts away and sat down across from the mysterious priestess. ¡°Daisybelle is my youngest, at just barely seventeen¡­¡± He sighed and shook his head. ¡°Makes her like¡­ twenty-two or something, human wise. Gobbos are born with thinkin¡¯ stuff that works¡­ no dangerous, vulnerable, crawley babby time fer little gobbletts.¡± He grinned and shrugged his muscular green shoulders. ¡°We are cursed, cursed in our blood and bones, all goblin men¡­ but goblin girls, they have smarts and cooperate. Poor things, they wander the wilds, hiding from gobbo men and dreading the turning of the seasons.¡± ¡°But you¡¯re different, right?¡± She coaxed him gently. ¡°Ghnash was a human, then he died. Very sad, but human soul got stuck, wedged between life and death. Teetering on a knife¡¯s edge and spewing magic into a world where no magic exists.¡± The goblin grinned and chuckled ruefully, while his hands quickly and elegantly served the tea and cookies on the table. He moved with even and certain grace, wielding the teapot with a deft hand. No cups nor saucers rattled or tattled, the napkins were folded with care and all the tableware lined up with martial precision, while appearing effortlessly subtle and understated. ¡°He wandered undead and undying, a magical being in a desert for some years¡­ is hazy after so long.¡± ¡°You really are¡­ him¡­¡± The faceless priestess murmured softly. ¡°A strange and altered version of him¡­¡± She whispered, lost in the ritual of table service she¡¯d watched him perform so many times. Gary had mastered the art of butling and serving at table as a way to tease the nobles of his acquaintance. Somehow her brother always knew just how to throw the wealthy and privileged off balance, usually with bizarre antics, blended with open handed generosity of spirit that sometimes took her breath away. That touch of gentle madness and whimsey was what had hooked Shai, dragging her sober and level headed sister from the prosperous and secure life of an established smith in the duchy¡¯s capital; and out into the weird, wonderful world of freelance Adventuring. This goblin man had the same look in his eye, and the mannerisms as well. ¡°You really are¡­ him¡­¡± The faceless priestess murmured softly. ¡°A strange and altered version of him¡­¡± ¡°You have many Garies here¡­ don¡¯t try to fool an old fool¡­ Though, I¡¯m not ¡®The Fool¡¯.¡± He murmured solemnly. ¡°Not anymore¡­¡± He grinned at her and nodded. ¡°Temperance!¡± He announced firmly. ¡°Don¡¯t call me that, though. Ghnash hates being called that; but yes yes! Major Arcana! That¡¯s me!¡± He grinned at her and chuckled again, displaying a smile that was damnably familiar. ¡°You¡¯ve met the Chariot, he was my ride here. Big boney and hard to miss.¡± Ghnash said with a grin. ¡°Also you¡¯ve met ¡®The Lovers¡¯, he hates being called that too; and Gandree is also one of us, though, I¡¯m unsure which¡­ Ten of Pentacles? Seven of Wands?¡± ¡°Wait, that short, stocky guy that attached himself to Gary¡­ my Gary?¡± She asked slowly and carefully. ¡°And by ¡®The Lovers¡¯... You mean Ace?¡± ¡°Yub yub, Gandree is dwarf, stumpy folk, he¡¯s smart smart to skip the beard, stupid, hot and itchy. Then we has Ace. I never met him before¡­ I couldn¡¯t travel the worlds till I got kissed by SmileyFace and SpiderBoobs. Cursed in my blood to become a mindless horny savage, if I cross the veil.¡± He grinned and clapped his oddly large hands together gleefully, sounding and seeming much more human. ¡°No more! All curses broken! In celebration, I broke your poor busted Gary¡¯s curses for him. SpookyGirly is very welcome!¡± He sat back and crossed his arms, awaiting her praise, which was not forthcoming. ¡°My goddess informs me that yes, you are correct. My brother has been cleansed of his divine strictures¡­ which is going to be problematic later.¡± She complained mildly. ¡°We were waiting for the right time, but I suppose now will do, in any case.¡± She tilted her hood to the side and nodded subtly. ¡°Daisybelle and Gandree are coming back. I¡¯ll depart and leave you together. Please, don¡¯t test our boundaries again¡­ your majesty.¡± With that she vanished, just as the two wargs tumbled in with his daughter and her beau, bringing chaos with them. ¡°Ahh, feels like home.¡± Ghnash muttered, knuckles deep in Jasmine¡¯s ruff of coarse fur. # A Full House Ch: 51 Book 2: Dirt Diver¡¯s Dance A Full House Ch: 51 It was a long morning of cleanup, but the damned dead were everywhere; at least, stray pieces of them were. The children of the family had performed some kind of secret spell or ritual in the dark of the night¡­ When dawn finally broke, the hillock of charred meat that had been standing in a field of widely scattered bones, was simply gone without a trace. When the dwarf asked about it, they hinted vaguely that playing a four song set of ¡®classic rock¡¯ had ¡®done the trick¡¯. The tunes that somehow banished the small mountain of corpse remnants had all been desperately familiar¡­ But Gandree Clansward had never heard any of them before; which made knowing all the lyrics and chords by heart, both deeply upsetting and more than a little weird. Lost in those contemplations, he tipped a wheelbarrow full of loose meat and bones into the swirling waters of the large baths and watched them dissipate as they sank; becoming nothing more than a memory in seconds. Nothing alive could drown in the stuff, but nothing that wasn¡¯t actually alive lingered in the water for more than a few moments. The process worked even more quickly on the zombie remains, it wasn¡¯t violent or energetic in the least. Gandree found watching the noisome stuff fade away was almost tranquil, soothing. ¡°This is actually one of the things we understand the least, of all the effects our gifts display¡­¡± Harry muttered, noticing the way the dwarf was watching the stuff fade away, while tipping his own barrow load into the water as well. ¡°All of our pools work in a similar fashion; expunging contaminants, whether physical or spiritual, especially anything tainted with undeath. Ours are just less¡­ aggressive about it. Pretty weird, huh?¡± Harry grinned, looking just a little crazy. ¡°I think if we really understood the forces at play, we¡¯d be absolutely terrified, like all the time.¡± ¡°On that note, you guys go take a bath and rest, we¡¯ll handle it from here.¡± Larry muttered, sounding exhausted and looking like a zombie himself. ¡°It¡¯s mostly ship repair and salvage left to do now¡­ and that can wait for tomorrow.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to tell us twice!¡± Daisybelle chirped, as she slam-dunked a salted and smoked human head into the pool. ¡°These deadies are nasty nasty!¡± The little green dynamo slipped an arm through his and hauled him away to their lodgings on the compound. ¡°Hey, I haven¡¯t put my wheelbarrow, pitchfork and shovel away¡­¡± He complained, feeling guilty already. ¡°Nub nub! No more working, bath and bed¡­ Ok, maybe I has a little more work for Gandree boy¡­¡± She sang, while ¡®dragging¡¯ him along. ¡°Work will still be nasty and unpleasant later. Come along!¡± ¡°You seem pretty relaxed over the whole ¡®undead army and skeletal dragon¡¯ thing¡­¡± Gandree murmured, when they finally collapsed into the baths in the private, walled garden of the little stone inn the weirdos had given them the use of. Desperate for a way to stop thinking about the night before and its aftermath, he¡¯d grabbed for the first non-zombie clean-up topic that came to mind. The fetching green damsel was already stripping and headed for the bath when the gate to their little compound closed behind her. ¡°Yeah, last night was a little busy busy¡­¡± She murmured happily, ignoring his half hearted protests that he ¡®needed to put the tools away¡¯ and that she should shower before jumping in the pool. She decided that bathing twice was a silly dwarf tradition and largely ignored him. ¡°Go wash up, then. We smell icky!¡± She commanded, pointing him to the showers, while she just dove into the bath, covered with crud. ¡°This is your first time; being out in the wider world, Gandree my love¡­¡± She sang merrily, when he finally joined her in the pool, after a sensible and completely necessary scrubbing. ¡°Daisybelle is the warg knight of the goblin king, Gandree¡­ I¡¯ve seen some shit.¡± He leaned back against the side of the stone pool, as her pert little green bottom slipped into his lap, as usual. ¡°And you didn¡¯t bat an eye when they confined your dad¡­¡± He grumbled and mumbled, when her little hands got grabby beneath the surface. ¡°Bahh! King papa got all excited and went ¡®goblin mode¡¯.¡± She shrugged her smooth shoulders, rubbing her soft, wet back against his front, ever so slowly in the process. ¡°He¡¯s in deep dookie and can dig himself out,¡± ¡°Uh¡­? Goblin mode?¡± Was all he could manage to ask between exhaustion and what she was up to under the water. ¡°Never go ¡®full goblin¡¯. That was his first first lesson to all of us¡­¡± She grumbled in the direction of the little stone inn, where her dad was imprisoned in a cell, watched over by Becky, hidden in her terrifying robes of office. ¡°We can get a little¡­ primal. Goblin boys is like that all the time, cause they is all cursed to be stupid, hungry and horny all the time.¡± She shook her head sadly. ¡°Goblin girls, we are much smarter¡­ Unless we get too excited and worked up, or we¡¯re having our tummy-time¡­ don¡¯t worry, lover, I had my tummy-time charms cast last month.¡± She patted her flat belly under the water and wriggled a little closer to him. ¡°Where was I?¡± ¡°Instincts¡­?¡± He offered weakly. ¡°Oh, yeah, smart smart boy! So, goblins like dark and spooky woods and sneaking up on tasty meat; we eat everything that walks, crawles, swims or flies¡­ so to us, most things are just meat.¡± She licked her lips and smiled hungrily. ¡°We dream of the stalk and pounce, or slow and careful lying in wait then the rush of the chase¡­ The scent of blood on the wind¡­ The thrill of the hunt!¡± Her eyes were a little red rimmed and feral looking when she slowed to a stop. ¡°Mmm, hungry. Gandree, you ever wrap a dire fly maggot in spicebush leaves and pit roast it real slow¡­?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll make something in a few minutes¡­¡± He murmured, as the girl in his arms wriggled happily and sighed. ¡°You feel too good to let go of right now.¡± ¡°Ghaah, lazy boy. Daisybelle¡¯s hungry now¡­¡± She grumbled softly, as she slipped from his arms. ¡°...Find my own snack¡­¡± The little green damsel murmured, before she vanished beneath the surface. A scant few minutes later, the dwarf was floating bonelessly in the pool, face down in the magical ¡®definitely not water¡¯ and completely wrecked. ¡°Hmph, nub good plan; still hungry and now he¡¯s even lazier¡­¡± She murmured to Petunia and Jasmine, who were sleeping on the lawn, poolside. ¡°You¡¯re in charge, I¡¯m goin¡¯ fishin¡¯¡± She grumbled, while bouncing out the front door and diving into the lagoon; clutching a fishing spear from the rack of gear by the door and otherwise, completely nude. # Ace hung his puppet body from a handy mangrove tree and slipped out of the chest cavity, carefully shutting the hatch behind himself. He wouldn¡¯t want anything crawly or nasty to hide in there¡­ Well anything else, just him. He plopped into the warm water of the lagoon with a silent, but colorful octopoid sigh of pleasure and squirted for the deep sections, looking for a snack among the water weeds and corals. After the chaos of the night before and with the noise of the ongoing ship salvage operations, the fish were pretty spooked and well hidden¡­ But the invertebrates were out in force, gobbling up the tiny remnants of the zombie horde the kids¡¯ diligent clean up efforts had missed. Shrimp, crabs and lobsters were the stars of the show¡­ and it was dinner theater. ¡®A finger here, a bit of flesh there, nothing a healthy ecosystem couldn¡¯t manage in a day or three.¡¯ He thought to himself a few seconds later, with a giant glass shrimp clutched in his tentacles. ¡®Gotta avoid his tract¡­.¡¯ Ace thought to himself as he munched on his prey. The thing had been eating zombie fragments all night and its gut would contain... That would be kinda like indirect cannibalism¡­ and super, ultra gross. Ace dropped his half finished shrimp and decided to swear off bottom feeders for a while. The larger fishes and crustaceans would reappear soon to restore the balance of nature, once all the hammering, sawing and general noise was done and the ships either sailed away or sank... ¡®Life, uhh¡­ Finds a way.¡¯ He reflected idly, when Daisybelle swam in from the middle of the lagoon, completely naked and clenching a weakly struggling barracuda in her teeth. When Daisybelle dove back in with a predatory grin on her little green angel¡¯s face, Ace joined her hunt for mid-level predators in the deep water; where the bold, hungry and stupid still roamed. She couldn¡¯t understand his language and of course, she couldn¡¯t speak under the surface, yet they quickly fell into an easy and deadly efficient partnership. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Ace punched ridiculously over his weight class and could one shot anything smaller than a bull walrus with his venom¡­ if he could get close. Any clever predator that managed to snap him up would not celebrate their primacy at the top of the food chain for long, but that would do him little good. Being horribly toxic was just a little parting gift, a final cheap shot; but one he preferred to save for that very special someone. In any case, Ace found little challenge in preying on the big dummies of the deep water; barracuda, tarpon, lesser reef sharks and seawolves, a variety of large, swarming cuttlefish that were dangerously delicious and deliciously dangerous were abundant and circling hungrily above the deep reefs. Daisybelle would dive down with her spear, making all kinds of noise, driving the prey down to scatter into the deep coral rifts; where Ace waited, camouflaged. He picked the big guys off by stealthily stinging them as they shot past his hiding spot. Daisy would swim down and spear the dead or paralyzed prey and haul it to shore, while Ace moved to a new hiding spot to wait for her return. He squirted out and stung a huge tarpon right inside its gill tissue, sending it to fish heaven in a hurry. Just as quickly, Daisybelle had her barbed spear in it, dragging eight and a half feet of monster fish to shore behind her. They had a good haul on the beach, but he wanted a little something special¡­ While she was working on bringing in that last big fish, Ace slipped over to a deep crevasse in the sea floor, where the cuttlefish liked to lurk. He dangled one tentacle over the lip of the crack in the sea bed and twitched it spastically, while shifting its colors and textures wildly. Before long, a huge, tentacled horror swooped up over the ledge and engulfed him in a predatory hug. Three seconds later, the cuttlefish was patiently waiting for Daisybelle to collect it; while Ace was back on the ledge, fishing for nightmares from the deep. # Gandree staggered out of the bath and found Ace and Daisybelle in the kitchen, just absolutely mauling a huge quantity of seafood with their inexpert knife skills. ¡°Oh, no! For the sake of sweet lady Joy, please stop!¡± Too late, a gout of thick black goop deluged Ace and his cutting board, from the ruptured ink sack of a squid creature three feet long. The dwarf pulled a mountain of towels from his shadow, while the pair of fish mutilators were busy trying to decide what to hack into next. Gandree bustled both of them away and wrapped the whole black and awful mess in half of the hoard of towels he¡¯d pilfered from Dwarfhold on his way out. He spared a moment, wondering idly after so long, how the clan was doing under that dismal stone sky. Poorly, he hoped; uncomfortably, he was certain. He¡¯d taken pains to steal all of life¡¯s little comforts from the clan leaders as he left... All the luxury foods and precious spices from the pantry and stores were just the start. He¡¯d taken most of the cookware from the kitchens. Then Gandree had pilfered away a broad assortment of the best tools from every workshop he¡¯d been forced to work in over his years of servitude. He felt most proud of how thorough he¡¯d been when he cleaned them out¡­ Nothing essential or basic fell into his shadow, only the finer things and pleasures that the wretched old bearded goobers and their demanding sullen families loved so much, landed in his bottomless storage gift. All the way down to the soft and fluffy, imported towels and bedding from the clanlord¡¯s own laundry¡­ which Gandree had been washing for the salty and privileged old turd, since he was old enough to reach the washtub without drowning. Watching as the mess of ruptured cephalopod guts and ink soaked the towels that the lord had imported from afar, at great expense gave him so much pleasure that he felt not even a little guilty for the waste of it. He hurled the mess into the pool and headed back inside to do some damage control. # ¡°He¡¯s good at that¡­¡± Ace muttered to Daisybelle, from the other side of the counter, where there were no knives in reach. The lad¡¯s big, hard hands danced over the cutting board, effortlessly skinning, fileting and cleaning a mountain of fish, to the tune played on the goblin¡¯s drum and a guitar Ace plucked from the wall. ¡°It¡¯s impressive how he handles that blade, considering how he fights.¡± ¡°No, you two just suck that bad at fish cutting¡­ and I fight just fine!¡± He grumbled at the snarky puppet man. ¡°No, Gandree, you fight like Ace guts fish. Clumsily and without skill.¡± Daisybelle sang happily from behind her ogre skull drum. ¡°I stink at fishy cutting too! Obsidian knives are no good for that job.¡± ¡°I have steel knives, Daze.¡± Gandree mumbled, while he skinned a fair sized reef shark. ¡°I always wondered¡­ what¡¯s up with the stone and bone aesthetic?¡± Ace asked the goblin girl, while he strummed along in the blues, wandering around the key of D. ¡°No metal crafts for gobbs. We got stuck in the stone age.¡± She shrugged. ¡°Akashic record says nub advanced enough for metal tools. Says we need more evolution points, only goblin girls create those, so it¡¯s super slow going.¡± She grinned a little wickedly at the two men. ¡°That¡¯s why king papa let the human town stay, after he smooshed the light cult. King papa calls his grand plan ¡®bootstrapping for great justice¡¯...¡± She said with a sad, deeply patient smile. ¡°He¡¯s a little stirred up in his thinkin¡¯ stuff, like all goblin boys.¡± ¡°He¡¯s also awake¡­¡± Ghnash grumbled from the landing above the common room. ¡°I also has Goblin hearing.¡± ¡°Yes and I also have gobb ears. I said nothing I didn¡¯t intend you to hear; be double double sure of that papa.¡± She grumbled at the bedraggled and sleepy looking sovereign. ¡°Listen now, to your warg knight.¡± The tiny green girl fixed her much larger papa with a withering glare and spoke coldly. ¡°King Ghnash, you went full goblin mode and shamed yourself and our clan. You violated their hospitality and broke your own word¡­¡± Crushed by her witherin tone and glare, the king deflated onto a stool with a strange new flute of wood and bone, joining the improvisational jam sesh, while the dwarf worked in the kitchen, whistling and humming along. ¡°Yeah, I fucked up real good. That priestess is coming around though.¡± The handsome goblin muttered, before stuffing the end of his recorder in his mouth. ¡°A few of them are heading out to carry messages home, I suppose they¡¯ll be back soon.¡± Ace remarked over his guitar. ¡°I understand our host is still unconscious after your little prank this morning, so the rest are staying here for another day, at least¡­¡± ¡°Trying to get rid of us, Ace?¡± Ghnash asked with a wink. ¡°Yes! I plan on scouring the land of all humanoid life, especially the fucking mongoats¡­ I hate those things.¡± He answered just as glibly. ¡°My blood sucking swarm of mutated super mosquitoes cost me almost everything in my winged vermin pool, but it¡¯s gonna be awesome to watch! From safely below the waves¡­ or in this nifty wooden body, if I can steal it from the guy you buried alive.¡± ¡°Super mosquitoes?¡± Ghnash asked nervously. ¡°Like, monster skeeters?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, they¡¯re just awful! I¡¯ve been perfecting them on this island for almost two hundred years! If these houses weren¡¯t so heavily protected by vermin repellent spells, you¡¯d know all about them.¡± Ace muttered happily. ¡°Any unprotected human on this island won¡¯t last long, those things are absolute nightmares¡­¡± # The endless buzzing and humming was driving them mad¡­ Not Bernard, he¡¯d gotten the skeeter fever and dashed out into the jungle delirious with sickness and vanished. ¡®Might have been the smart choice.¡¯ Padilla thought grimly, as he considered the problem. They had some dried food, but no water¡­ and no way to get any that wouldn¡¯t involve being devoured by hundreds of flying blood suckers. Some of the beasts had sedative venom in their venom, potent enough to make a healthy man woozy with a single stealthy bite. Any poor soul put to sleep by those moth winged terrors would be emptied as quickly as a wineskin passed around the campfire. So, they remained, huddled under the overturned boats, hoping for a miracle. Their miracle arrived late in the afternoon of that day, as the endless buzzing and humming subsided at last, then stopped entirely. Padilla snuck a peek, drawing back the tarpaulin they¡¯d staked down to keep the monster skeeters from wriggling under the fabric. Outside, all was still and quiet, the swarm seemed to have departed for a while at least. ¡°Grab anything that will hold water, we¡¯ll hit that stream and fill everything up¡­ Don¡¯t waste time or make any noise. Get back under cover when the first one appears¡­¡± ¡°Yes, humans¡­ The skeeters are gone. But they will be back.¡± A high, piping female voice called out, not the horrible wasp girl from the battle with the shadow swordsmen; another winged girl-child was perched on a mangrove bough, peering at the men under the overturned boat. This one had slowly fluttering moth wings of smoke and flames behind her, fanning the air gently while she smiled down at the pitiful sailors, down in the mud. ¡°Surrender¡­ and I will guide you to safety, food, drink and shelter, while holding the flying blood suckers away.¡± She giggled at the men from her perch. ¡°Refuse¡­ and I will leave, allowing the skeeters to return. I won¡¯t return and you will all perish here, under this little shelter, or in the jungle, when thirst and hunger drive you out among the trees.¡± She smiled sweetly at them from high up in the tree. ¡°Go on, decide. I¡¯ll wait here for, let¡¯s say¡­ until the sun touches the top of that tree, do you think that¡¯s five minutes?¡± She sang them gripping the hem of her skirt of autumn leaves in obviously false dismay. ¡°I always have such trouble with concepts like time, tell you what¡­ If I get bored and wander away, that means that your time is already up.¡± # ¡°Messengers¡­¡± Amy complained, as they slipped through the passage at the back of the volcanic cave. ¡°Why are we stuck carrying the mail?¡± ¡°I dunno, maybe ¡®cause we¡¯re the fastest things on land?¡± Rio offered, as they walked through endless miles of madness inducing hallucinatory phenomenon in a few short minutes of strolling. ¡°We¡¯ll push hard. Be back home quick.¡± Wilf opined solemnly. ¡°I¡¯m still worried about pops.¡± ¡°Focus up team.¡± Dannyl ordered from the rear of the group. ¡°For most people this is the hardest part of realm travel¡­¡± ¡°I was going to ask about that¡­ where¡¯s the stone tunnel we walked through to get here?¡± Amy demanded, waving her hand dismissively at the un-guessable swirling morass of fractal, psychedelic swirls, colors and hallucinations that appeared and vanished as they ¡®walked¡¯ across an empty black void. ¡°This is bullshit!¡± ¡°Yes, it is.¡± The young explorer answered happily. ¡°It¡¯s all complete bullshit. The cave we walked through was also bullshit, but that came from your dad. His mind created that tunnel in this place, because he¡¯s terrified of the space between worlds¡­ even though he should be safer than any of us, here.¡± Amy shot her uncle Dannyl a sharp look, demanding more info; but the handsome older man just kept blabbing on. ¡°Between the worlds, having a stable form is highly unusual, we will attract the attention of the natives of this place, but they cannot interact with us here, only these figments reveal their presence to us.¡± He grinned at the gathered kids, walking close together in the weird place. ¡°That¡¯s why the journey can be energetic or more disturbing at times. These things you see, smell and hear are figments and fragments of dreams and particles of mortal souls, drifting through the endless gulfs of¡­ well, whatever. The gaze of our mortal eyes give them a brief semblance of form and shape, if not substance as we pass by.¡± ¡°What about that creepy red nebula over there?¡± Frankie asked nervously, watching the distant phenomenon with suspicion. ¡°That thing hasn¡¯t changed or drifted away like the others¡­¡± ¡°You can see that?¡± Dannyl asked quietly. ¡°Try to avoid looking that way¡­ you will be better off not knowing.¡± The team traveled on in silence, surrounded by a pool of light that had no source and illuminated nothing but each other, following them until they were once more in a cave. ¡°Yup, this is the right place.¡± Dannyl said with a sigh, when a stone tablet covered with arcane markings appeared, carved directly into the native granite of the mountain. The images and runes were crisp and sharp, freshly re-pointed by a skilled stone carver, standing silent guard over the entrance to the void. ¡°That¡¯s Ivy and Tallum¡¯s work. Those two make a nice warding glyph and seal.¡± The ginger explorer took the lead, once they passed through the subtle curtain of disorienting and weird sensations the stone tablet emitted without light or any other manifestation that could be perceived with mortal senses. ¡°You kids never received the usual intro to realm travel that most delvers get.¡± He murmured as they walked through the rift in the granite mountain¡¯s heart. ¡°Most of the real problems that lurk among and between the worlds are incapable of crossing the veil unaided¡­ Your typical demons, evil spirits, liches and other self willed undead are unable to cross the boundaries between worlds.¡± He chucked and nodded at the various cave life around the team as they neared the entrance to the surface. ¡°These kinds of wardings strengthen those restrictions, keeping out most non-senients too, like bugs and such. Critters that pass the veil usually just crawl on, unaware that they are in a new world, but often they go monster on the journey, mutating and changing once they arrive in a physical realm. Otherwise we¡¯d have a lot more of those monster bug type problems.¡± He patted the stone tablet as they passed into the real world and grinned at the kids following behind him. ¡°Countess Tawny must be freaking out, let¡¯s put her mind at ease.¡± Outside, in the gray, rainy rift in the mountains, the team stood in the cave entrance, donning rain gear over their light travelling leathers. Attired in loose pants and hooded jackets of gray and brown worsted wool treated with an alchemical water repellent substance. The team began the long and exhausting climb and hike down to the road, one narrow and windswept ridge away, as the rain slowly became a drizzling mist. They spent a wet, muddy and pretty miserab;e hour climbing, hiking and scrambling over the well marked but largely unimproved trail in the wet and cold. ¡°Are you kids ready to lay down some miles and get back home before we miss anything fun?¡± # Ch: 1 Signifying Nothing Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 1 Signifying Nothing In a narrow cleft between two towering, barren granite peaks, a narrow vale with delusions of being a full fledged valley, some life struggled to survive. Low, scrubby manzanita trees and stunted pines dug their roots into the shallow, gritty soil, eking out a marginal existence in the dim and mossy confines. From a ragged cave mouth near the head of the rift, seven people emerged, armed and armored to face the unexpected. ¡°Three days on a tropical island¡­ in another world; I can¡¯t believe we didn¡¯t get any sailing done at all!¡± Amy complained softly through their enchanted comms earrings, despite not wearing one herself. Her own innate gifts carried her voice to her listeners under almost any circumstance. The rare and deeply secret magical jewelry carried their voices to her ears and allowed the others to communicate with each other, so long as they were within a mile or two of one of the sorcerously linked silver ear cuffs. The team looked all around, suspiciously peering at the highland scrub and the narrow trail leading from the cave mouth and its hidden passage between worlds. ¡°Yes, this is the right exit; we¡¯re in the dungeon mouth above Foresthome. Let¡¯s move, lady Tawny must be halfway out of her mind after the whole family vanished on her, while the count is away.¡± ¡°It still feels like we got cheated, somehow.¡± Amy griped mildly, as she peered out into the misting rain and low drifting clouds. ¡°Gear up and let¡¯s get moving.¡± Dannyl, their journeyman supervisor grumbled merrily at the young Adventurers. We have a miserable hike ahead of us, followed by a long ride in the rain.¡± With few complaints, the band of kids quickly donned water repellent ponchos of tight woven monster crab wool, coated with their father¡¯s secret alchemical waterproofing substance. They marched out in good order, taking the path down the ¡®valley¡¯ headed for a windswept saddle of barren granite. Just over an hour later, the muddy and tired crew lined up on a pleasant little clearing beside a wide, well paved road of beaten and baked clay. Wilf was over on the road, scuffing his feet on the surface and contemplating the road surface with deep concentration. ¡°Hmm¡­ We can send this, follow my lines and keep the conditions in mind.¡± The taciturn young craftsman murmured in a satisfied tone. ¡°Mount up, team.¡± When the five young people looked back, their bikes were standing in Wilf¡¯s shadow. Six odd machines awaited, leaning on kickstands built seamlessly into their frames of laminated and enchanted dryad haunted hardwoods. Each was painstakingly crafted for the rider¡¯s anatomy, just as the engines of the constructs were tuned for maximum Mana efficiency for their designated rider. Wheels of spun steel and alchemical rubber tires waited for the gleaming motors of enchanted bronze and brass ring gears to spin up and hurl them down the long, winding Wheatford road. In silence, six young people in colorful wooden laminate light armor fell in behind the older man, who¡¯s own machine was far from silent. Small, slim and ginger, journeyman Adventurer Dannyl revved the whirling knot of uncanny magical bronze chain nestled dangerously close to his personal goods inside the frame of his own bike and grinned like a madman. ¡°Are you kids ready to lay down some miles and get back home before we miss anything fun?¡± ¡°Oh yeah¡­¡± Wilf rumbled eagerly, clearly thinking more about the long, downhill run into town and thirsting for the sensation of speed. ¡°I¡¯m ready!¡± ¡°Stay loose and keep alert.¡± Dannyl cautioned the team before they set out. ¡°Maintain discipline and keep sharp, kids; we aren¡¯t home yet. Rio takes point.¡± The big, burly blonde lad deflated a little at that command, letting a soft sigh escape his lips. ¡°Come on¡­!¡± He complained weakly at his diminutive uncle. ¡°We¡¯ll be old like you before we get there behind mister Slowpoke!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not even thirty yet, you little jerk!¡± The senior Adventurer grumbled, glowering up at his nephew. ¡°Keep this up and Rio will be on point the whole trip!¡± ¡°Hey¡­!¡± The tall, lean, athletic lad complained, while buckling his helmet of hunter green laminate plum wood over his tight cap of kinky black curls. He buckled a simple menpo on, hiding his dark, handsome face behind a blank mask of lacquered wood; for safety¡¯s sake, not just to hide his grin at his younger brother¡¯s plight. ¡°I¡¯m your older brother¡­ Show some respect, Wilford Brimley Ward.¡± ¡°Sure thing¡­ Elder brother Desiderio.¡± Wilf shot back with a grin of his own; the blue eyed young craftsman chuckled, his mask still dangling from his helmet. ¡°Pipe down and follow orders.¡± Amy barked from behind her leopard faced menpo of cobalt blue, decorated with a scattering of tiny mother of pearl stars. ¡°Team Ragamuffin, ready for duty, senior Adventurer Dannyl.¡± Benny the team¡¯s frontliner, small and quick Maya the ninja and Frankie the alchemist were all geared up and mounted in good order behind Amy, while the two Ward brothers cheerfully bickered with their supervising journeyman. As was typical, Amy took the lead and rolled onto the downslope without another word; leaving the three clowns to get themselves together without an audience. Amy set a brisk pace, flying down the mountain road on silent wheels, her team strung out behind her and following in good order. ¡°Slow up gang¡­ someone¡¯s on the road ahead of us¡­¡± She whispered in the ears of her comrades, a few long minutes and three miles later. # Soaked to the bone by constant rain and mist, freezing cold and lost on an unknown mountain pass in an unknown world, Ambrose carried Heidi on his back as they, or rather, he stumbled through the foggy morning. After a long night huddled beneath the flimsy shelter of a manzanita bush, they had to get moving or perish in the wilderness... There was no further sign of the terrifying skeletal, undead dragon or its minions, but that could change at any moment. Sunrise brought greater risk of discovery by the monster, but also the blessed warmth of the sun and an end to the constant rain, as the clouds broke over the valley. ¡°I think I see cultivated lands in the distance¡­¡± He murmured over his shoulder to the shivering and pale woman. ¡°It¡¯s going to be alright¡­ I¡¯ll find a bed for you and brew you some medicine¡­¡± The big man wheezed, nearing the end of his own endurance. In nearly mindless desperation, he kept stumbling toward the distant valley floor and the scattered small holds and crop fields where they would surely find aid. A few hundred yards downhill, the exhausted necromancer felt Heidi twitch feebly, before her arms went slack, no longer clinging even weakly to his shoulders. ¡°Stay strong lover, we¡¯ll find someplace warm and dry soon.¡± He whispered to the unconscious woman on his back. A moment later, a tiny stinging bite in his left buttcheek made his leg go numb. Within seconds a soft, numb paralysis overtook his entire body, as Ambrose fell forward onto the hard packed and nearly dry road surface, already warmed by the bright summer sun. ¡°Nice shooting kids.¡± A man¡¯s voice murmured from the uphill side of the road, as darkness claimed him. # ¡°Your friend is still sleeping.¡± A soft and gentle female voice murmured in his ear as Ambrose stirred. ¡°You¡¯re our prisoner, don¡¯t bother struggling or trying any tricks.¡± ¡°Are you¡­ members of the church of the blessed Light?¡± He asked weakly, his body felt heavy and feeble, in addition to his arms and legs being bound. ¡°Gods and spirits no! I¡¯m Admiral Amy, Pirate Princess of the Shallow Sea! Yeah.. I¡¯m kinda famous, but don¡¯t be intimidated!¡± She stepped from the shadows, dressed in a fanciful naval uniform of glittering cobalt blue. Her bizarre costume was embellished with intricate and elaborate embroidery, piping and too many buttons, ribbons and cords to count. The whole thing was crowned by a matching tricorn hat of ridiculous size and embellishment. ¡°I put on my pants just like everybody else; but once I''m dressed, I slay monsters and fight injustice.¡± He stared in shock as his captivity took a completely farcical turn. ¡°I know that look in your eye, you¡¯re thinking; ¡®She¡¯s sixteen, just a kid¡¯...¡± She chuckled darkly. ¡°I don¡¯t mind, you shouldn¡¯t believe just any chance met Adventurer on the road¡­ right, Ambrose, necromancer priest of the cult of the false light?¡± ¡°Am I supposed to know what you are playing at, girl?¡± He snapped at the foolish child. ¡°Release me this instant!¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s the stuff¡­ once you clowns think you have the advantage, out come the demands and orders.¡± She snapped right back at him. ¡°No chance, bub, I¡¯m in here, because the rest of my team was in favor of tipping you over a cliff and watching you both splatter on the rocks.¡± She leaned closer, looming over the much larger man, since he was bound to a sturdy bed in an empty white walled cell. ¡°The others didn¡¯t even want to capture you¡­ I was riding point when we caught up to you; otherwise we would have ridden you down and butchered you on the road like the filth you are.¡± The unseen girl scoffed. ¡°We just kicked your asses yesterday and now you wanna know if we¡¯re members of your cult?¡± ¡°You¡¯re¡­ you¡¯re with the heretics on the island?¡± He gasped, as despair welled up from his guts to devour his Will.This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it ¡°Heretics? That¡¯s silly!¡± She sighed, sounding genuinely amused. ¡°Why don¡¯t you tell me why your friends and three boat loads of zombies tried to storm our beachside getaway? You ruined a Ward family reunion!¡± ¡°F¡­ F¡­ Family reunion?¡± The necromancer asked weakly, as his previous despair became a feeble and pathetic shadow of the burgeoning horror, now consuming him feet first. ¡°Are you¡­ members of the Tarot cult?¡± He nearly gagged with fear as he posed the question. ¡°Hmm¡­ I think it¡¯s better to say that they¡¯re members of the Ward clan! They just don¡¯t really know it yet.¡± She announced cheerfully, doing little to ease his all devouring terror. ¡°And which card are you?¡± He demanded with what little courage he had remaining. ¡°What hideous demon hides inside your skin, child?¡¯ ¡°In me? Just Shiro¡­¡± She murmured happily, as a tiny, snow leopard kitten struggled to free its head from her bodice, peeking from between her small breasts with a curious mew. ¡°Hop out and say hi!¡± She whispered to her little friend. With a silent rush of illusory snow and wind, a gigantic white snow leopard leapt to the floor, its silver markings gleaming under the harshly bright magical lightstone set in the ceiling. ¡°My friend Shiro says you reek of blood sacrifices, zombies, ghosts and all manner of undead.¡± She murmured, stroking the giant cat idly. ¡°Why don¡¯t you explain to me why the Tarots are so bad, considering what you and your friends have been up to.¡± He stared blankly up at the deranged child. ¡°You saw that skeleton dragon, right?¡± He demanded archly. ¡°That thing has been terrorizing the Church of the Light for centuries! The Chariot is a scourge on all the realms where the Light touches!¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t get a chance to talk to uncle Chariot, but uncle Ace is super sweet, once you get past his bad attitude¡­ I guess you guys call him the ¡®Demon Lord of the Turtle islands.¡¯ You¡¯re just a bunch of damn chunnis, too.¡± She stood up straight and turned for the door that was the room¡¯s only other feature, beyond the bed and the overhead light. ¡°Someone will be in to talk to you later, when your girlfriend wakes up. I¡¯m done with you.¡± She murmured as she departed, the door closing with a soft click. # The cells beneath the palace of Foresthome were neat, clean and well ventilated, they more closely resembled sickrooms than detention cells; at lady Tawny¡¯s insistence. ¡°Let him stew for a while.¡± Amy grumbled to her brothers, waiting outside the door and looking grim. ¡°I get the sense he¡¯s not a true believer; but he¡¯s convinced that we¡¯re demons or monsters in disguise.¡± ¡°Us? We¡¯re monsters?!¡± Wilf grumbled sourly. ¡°I still think we should have ridden them down¡­ Zombies, Amy! All those men and women were murdered and their bodies used that way¡­¡± The big lad ground his teeth and stared daggers at the blank, white door that hid the necromancer from his murderous gaze. ¡°Chillax, bro¡­ you¡¯ve been boiling mad since the battle. That¡¯s why we drew this duty.¡± Rio insisted gently, clamping a restraining hand down on his slightly shorter, but much wider brother¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Mom was afraid you¡¯d do something¡­ regrettable to the prisoners back on the island.¡± He murmured. ¡°Let¡¯s not make a mess in lady Tawny¡¯s nice clean palace.¡± The grizzled old guard stationed near the door coughed subtly, reminding the young Adventurers gently of his presence¡­. And that these were no longer their prisoners, the two fugitives were now in the care of the countess, who took a dim view of bloody handed murder in her basement. ¡°Let¡¯s ride for home. These clowns will be here when we get back.¡± # Team Clown-Shoes lounged around the livingroom of Wilf¡¯s house, jamming along with Gandree, Daisybelle and king Ghnash, noodling in themes of dixieland jazz just for fun. The goblin man picked and strummed with ever growing confidence, once he got his long fingered, green hands on papa¡¯s personal instruments. None of the private collection were enchanted, or anything but simple and well crafted instruments; save that not a speck of iron or steel went into or ever touched them. Every part and piece was wood, bone, stone, brass or bronze, for occult reasons of their father¡¯s own... Whatever strange effect was at play there, Ghnash seemed similarly troubled by any instrument or tool made of iron or steel. The goblin king swayed and smiled, as his daughter twirled around her macabre ogre skull drum, her eyes always on Gandree as she dominated the floor. ¡°I¡¯ve never even heard of four of us appearing on one world separately, never mind together¡­¡± Ghnash was mumbling to the four Ward boys, using some subtle magic to slip his voice to the top of the mix. ¡°Uh¡­ Our mom and dad said we should decline to answer any of those kinds of questions.¡± Harry answered brightly. ¡°Really, uncle¡­ Should you really be testing your boundaries right now?¡± ¡°Our mom¡¯s still open to slicing you up.¡± Barry muttered nervously. ¡°She¡¯s been honing her swords all morning.¡± ¡°She does that all the time.¡± Larry lied unconvincingly. ¡°You¡¯re fine, your majesty.¡± ¡°Bah, so I won¡¯t ask about you kids. I¡¯m still allowed to tell you things¡­ Yes? Tell you secrets known to only the wise and mad!¡± Ghnash sent a run of notes up his fingerboard and sighed happily. ¡°So nice to not have claws anymore!¡± ¡°King papa¡­¡± Daisybelle growled as she spun by her father. ¡°Be warned¡­ Don¡¯t shame our house again.¡± ¡°Fie on you girlie! I¡¯ll twist your ear for that!¡± He barked and yipped at the spinning goblin lass, he stayed on his stool, strumming and smiling, though. ¡°Is a witch doctor¡¯s duty to open the third eyes of young witches¡­ or those who could become such.¡± He began a soft and atmospheric tune in minor chords. When the music was drifting and lingering around the inn, haunting the corners and shadows with soft humming resonance, king Ghnash spoke, in a voice creaky with age and wisdom. ¡°Stay a while... And listen.¡± ¡°Diablo two, good old Deckard Cain for the classic vibe¡­ nice one Ghnash.¡± Ward said, as he climbed out of a potted ficus in the corner. ¡°The kids don¡¯t remember much of the old world, so they have no idea what you¡¯re referencing.¡± ¡°Ahh, Borrowed Snake¡­¡± The king muttered, as uncle Ward fully manifested, draped in his usual batwinged cloak and all black attire. ¡°I did not expect to see you again so soon!¡± ¡°Call me Ward, brother¡­ If you must, call me ¡®The Moon¡¯. Borrowed Snake makes me feel like an off brand, knockoff of Metal Gear.¡± He gave the same grin their father always did, just before making a stupid reference that no one else would understand, just to entertain himself. ¡°I could hide under a box for the shame of it.¡± ¡°Sweet kissable spider boobs of my goddess¡­¡± Ghnash sputtered at the tall and unnaturally handsome god of death and vengeance. ¡°You really are a huge asshole, Ward.¡± ¡°Yeah, well, you buried their dad alive, so who¡¯s the asshole now?¡± Ward shot back, grinning as if he¡¯d won some great contest. ¡°I¡¯m a goblin witch doctor!¡± Ghnash sputtered at the deity. ¡°I don¡¯t go around telling you to stop lurking in shadows and being a big chuuni! I get to do spooky shit too!¡± ¡°Stuff it, Captain Caveman. You¡¯re a bone through your nose from being a tired old trope!¡± Ward jeered at the smaller man, looming over him and generally being a jerk. ¡°Gods man, how many kinds of perfume do you wear? Ease off on that shit!¡± Ghnash gasped and coughed. For some reason, that made Ward blush and fall silent. ¡°I like the way I smell.¡± He murmured, taking a deep sniff of his own coat collar. ¡°So many lovely trees¡­¡± ¡°Oh, that¡¯s awkward¡­¡± Lindsey muttered, as she and her horse slipped outside for some fresh air, joined by Daisybelle. They made good their escape before anyone could start explaining why the weirdo smelled like a whole forest of trees. ¡°I can¡¯t handle it when so many people are around¡­¡± Ace called to them from a bench under an apple tree. ¡°Especially if it¡¯s a room full of us. That shit gets weird fast.¡± The puppet creature sighed. ¡°Their weird uncle Ward just showed up¡­ He¡¯s weird even by Ward family standards.¡± Flash offered, since everyone present could understand his language of chuffs, nickers and body language. ¡°I mean, I¡¯m a horse, and even I think he¡¯s a strange one.¡± ¡°Flash! That¡¯s mean¡­¡± Lindsey scolded the equine. ¡°Sure he¡¯s a libertine and a rake, but he¡¯s Barry¡¯s uncle!¡± Daisybelle giggled and snorted with laughter, pointing at Lindsey with teary eyed mirth bubbling on her lips. ¡°You talk like an aged human spinster!¡± She cackled madly and flopped down on her rump on the lawn, losing all grip on her emotions. Jasmine and Petunia slipped from the garden plantings and curled up beside their sobbing and laughing mistress, as she finally started working through some things. ¡°Lindsey is a prude, doggies¡­ a total prude.¡± She sobbed, as the others quietly rose and left the goblin to cry into her remaining two familiars¡¯ fur. # ¡°So, uncle Ghnash¡­ tell us about this ¡®Tarot¡¯ group you¡¯ve formed.¡± Harry asked sweetly, once the girls were safely out of the house. ¡°And uncle Ward can think about how much he already knew¡­ and didn¡¯t share with the family.¡± The lad¡¯s eyes became flinty and hard as he switched the focus of his gaze to the wayward deity. ¡°Mama is going to be pissed; you know how she gets, especially when Papa¡¯s unwell.¡± The pale, handsome death god got a little paler and visibly diminished in grandeur at Harry¡¯s dire proclamation. ¡°I- I¡¯m not allowed to tell certain people certain things, even indirectly. Once you find out for yourselves that¡¯s a different matter, but I can¡¯t break the divine strictures, no matter how hard I try¡­¡± All eyes turned on the guitar playing goblin, who was busy switching his instrument to drop D tuning, with a new set of braided silver grass and monster gut strings. ¡°I hasn¡¯t seen silvergrass strings since¡­ since I was Gary.¡± The little man almost sobbed, as he strummed a sweetly melancholy G minor chord. ¡°I has lord Smarty Pants, lady SpiderBoobs and goddess SmileyFace inside me again too¡­¡± He burbled to himself, sounding almost giddy. His long green fingers began to flick and leap over the strings, evoking the calls of night birds in his music. ¡°I sometimes has trouble trouble keeping things straight in my head¡­¡± He murmured tranquilly, seeming lost in his musical improvisations. ¡°Meditation helps¡­ music too, but mostly I need to get home to my Sabrina and little Chelsea¡­¡± He sniffed and snuffled at the collar of his simple brown robe. ¡°Mmm, still smells like freshly smashed goblin wives¡­ freshly stuffed babyfull.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah, congrats¡­¡± Gandree mumbled, blushing bright red and wishing he¡¯d escaped with Daisybell and her impossibly tall girlfriend. ¡°But I¡¯d kinda like to know what the hell is going on as well.¡± ¡°Ok kids, sit down and listen to uncle Ghnash tell a story.¡± # ¡°Imagine if you will, a deck of cards¡­ a simple thing, Yes? Now imagine that no matter how many cards are drawn or how the deck is shuffled, you can never draw the same hand twice, nor run out of cards. Now let us suppose that each card itself is unique, appearing once¡­ and never again in that form.¡± I chuckled darkly at that. ¡°Well, almost never.¡± ¡°Such are souls. Each one unique and infinite, changeable and eternal. A mortal lives, dies, is born and lives again, often leaping from one world to another, just as often lingering around a single realm, as the cycle of life and rebirth repeats.¡± I scanned my audience of youngsters, a dwarf, four humans and an upstart deity. ¡°Today, perhaps you¡¯re a man¡­ in your next life, a woman, or perhaps some other form of life entirely. Whatever form a sentient life takes, the soul inside is no different than any other, in that they are each entirely unique.¡± ¡°So rebirth is completely random?¡± Harry asked quietly, when I stopped to adjust my tuning¡­ new gut strings were always fiddly. ¡°Not at all. Souls have tendencies, toward a species, or a particular realm, or even a specific gender; but those are individual traits only. The soul of a sentient astral jellyfish is no different than the soul of a human, at its core. Higher beings like goblins, of course¡­ are made of the superior stuff¡­¡± A tapestry pillow from the sofa flumpfhed into my face like a guided missile, nearly knocking me off my stool. I rearranged myself more comfortably; now seated on the cushion and continued on with my lecture, despite Larry¡¯s upholstered interjection. ¡°Thus are we, the mortal souls in our numberless legions; constantly being born on every world and in every universe. Mortal life exists across the endless expanse of creation and in infinite variations, but all drawn from the same deep well of mortal souls. Each soul is a glimmering jewel, slowly being polished by the experiences of life in all its infinite splendors, tragedies, sorrows and joys.¡± I leaned back, stretching my arms to their limit, trying to manage the human sized acoustic guitar on my lap. It felt good, really good. ¡°Now, what happens, children, if someone starts stuffing cards up their sleeves at the table? What would result if some being discovered a way to divide the indivisible, to break up an immortal living soul into fragments of itself?¡± I asked my pupils. ¡°The crime of even attempting to break the unbreakable, and violate the inviolable is too shocking to contemplate¡­ Worse than simple murder¡­ worse than even a genocide, for all those souls will find new lives and forms.¡± I ran my gaze and aura over the listeners, using my witch¡¯s eye to enspell them in my tale, just a little. ¡°Yet, this crime, it was done; again and again to a single mortal soul, captured in the void and broken apart by a cabal of evil gods, fae and demons, for their own wicked ends.¡± I fixed each set of eyes with mine for just a moment, scouring their auras with the endless winds of magic blowing from my soul, drawing out their own Animus¡¯ and exciting the energies in the room subtly. ¡°Like you, I lived and died on a world without magic, lived and died as human Gary Ward, born anew¡­¡± I smiled, trying to ease the tension I felt growing in the kids and their mostly divine and entirely mad ¡®uncle Ward¡¯. ¡°Unlike you, I lived and found a new life on another world, before I became Ghnash¡­ I was human Gary again, reborn before this life, but in a world of magic! There I found love, I even had children¡­ in a way. I dream of them still, though the memories are hazy.¡± I may have teared up a little, but the room was dim and it was just the family present. ¡°I don¡¯t like talking about that life¡­ and what I had then¡­¡± ¡°You can tell us.¡± Ward urged gently. ¡°Lady SpiderBoobs always says it¡¯s best to speak of painful things with close friends¡­ who could be closer than us?¡± I swallowed my emotions down enough to speak and did my best to explain. ¡°Sweet Shai, Becky, Amy, my little songbird¡­ Wilf and Rio¡­ He had so much to live for, but I had to let them go. He¡­ had to let them go. It was the hardest and easiest thing we ever had to do.¡± I coughed and cleared my throat, ¡®cause big goblins don¡¯t cry. ¡°We are the result of that poor Fool¡¯s sad end, but don¡¯t be angry¡­ justice was done. His last mad act was to destroy himself and those gods utterly, with a terrible, impossibly destructive device. That detonation scattered us across the endless expanse of the realms. Most of us landed nearby, but so many flew far into the distant universe lost in the ether¡­ We¡¯re freaking everywhere.¡± I sighed at last. ¡°It feels good to tell you that.¡± ¡°You had a family¡­¡± Harry whispered in the deathly silence that fell on the room. ¡°Your wife, Shai¡­ A daughter, Amy and two sons, Wilford and Desiderio¡­ right?¡± ¡°How did you know my son¡¯s names?¡± I asked, as a cold chill gripped my spine. ¡°They¡¯d be old men now¡­ Ghnash has been a goblin longer than your grandparents have been alive, kids.¡± ¡°Time really is all fucked up¡­ just like our family.¡± Perry grumbled angrily. ¡°When Dad wakes up, shits gonna get super weird.¡± # Ch: 2 A Man Can Die But Once* Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 2 A Man Can Die But Once* Sitting around the comfortable and damnably real common room of the small inn; Ghnash settled back and enjoyed the feeling. These people were all family¡­ and that felt good, nothing else really mattered. The goblin king shrugged and smiled at the kids¡¯ dire promises that things would ¡®get weird¡¯ when their father woke... Which was another whole issue to address. ¡°Yeah, we aren¡¯t really their children¡­¡± Harry agreed with a long sigh. ¡°But only in the ways that don¡¯t matter. Biology and genes are just bullshit, so whatever¡­ You know the score, uncle.¡± The young man¡¯s clipped speech suggested that he was treading on dangerous territory, so the king changed topics¡­ slightly. ¡°We isekai can¡¯t usually have children, you see¡­¡± He murmured. ¡°I don¡¯t like to let that fact linger in the shadows and some of us are seriously prudish about reproductive health matters.¡± ¡°Yeah, we know about that. I¡¯m kinda curious how you got around that problem.¡± The studious young lad answered, sounding much less tense. ¡°Curses¡­ My young friend, wicked blood curses and selective breeding over centuries by a cult of demon worshipping, power mad dirtbags.¡± The king sighed. ¡°The light cult got their filthy hands on the Goblin Dungeon a few dozen centuries ago and spent that time trying to make us into the perfect shock troops. They used all manner of dark magic and mundane cruelties to reduce us to what we have become. They wanted a fast breeding and disposable monster army, one they could unleash on worlds and then ¡®swoop in to save the day¡¯...¡± Ghnash grinned and shook his head. ¡°They were too effective at their workings, they made the goblin men so repulsively wicked and lustful that the species can barely sustain itself, never mind breeding up the hordes of obedient and bloodthirsty green savages they hoped to create.¡± He laughed darkly at the bitter irony of it all. ¡°We become an unmanageable scourge if taken through the veil; a rapacious horde of miserable little monsters with barely enough smarts to cause grief and misery, wherever we go.¡± ¡°So they screwed around with the gobos to create those nasty little assholes?¡± Larry demanded, sounding like he was ready to draw blood immediately, if a target for his wrath should appear. ¡°Yes indeed. All goblin men become little more than animals, once they pass through the veil, due to some unclean fiddling with our akashic record.¡± The compact and muscular green man smiled happily at his much taller relatives¡­ and the dwarf. ¡°It¡¯s been my life¡¯s work to unwind those curses¡­ and now I see the end of that long task on the horizon. My goblins will see a new dawn soon and I can¡¯t wait to rejoin them with the good news.¡± ¡°The good news about SpiderBoobs, SmartyPants and SmileyFace?¡± Harry asked, with a smug grin on his face. ¡°Ghnash the priest king? Are you writing a sacred text too?¡± ¡°Bahh! Separation of church and state! Stupid theocrats can eat my sweaty¡­¡± The little green dynamo hooted and began to fidget in his seat at the very idea. ¡°I distrust most gods, boys¡­ and for good reasons. Put your faith in your friends and families, not deities who see us as ephemeral and expendable tools.¡± The king glared up at the heavens, as though he wished to lodge a formal complaint. ¡°They use us as they wish, many gods and spirits do¡­ Most immortals see us not even as individuals, but simply resources to be used up, or spent at their whims.¡± He snorted. ¡°Sounds like you have a grudge against the gods¡­¡± Harry mumbled with a sly smile. ¡°You gonna start a war with the pantheon?¡± ¡°Bahh, silly children¡­¡± He scoffed and picked his teeth at them, to show how little he thought of the idea. ¡°Only the very greatest of fools would declare a blood feud with the gods.¡± For some reason, that perfectly reasonable declaration set the boys to giggling merrily and nudging each other with their elbows, as though he had made some great jest. ¡°Yeah¡­ you¡¯re absolutely right uncle¡­¡± Larry finally gasped through a wide, cheerful grin that looked exhausting. ¡°Only the greatest Fool...¡± ¡°Hmm, you boys are very confusing¡­ What do you think, Gandree?¡± Ghnash asked the dwarf; who had been listening much, while remaining silent. ¡°It feels like they are waiting for some prank to come to fruition¡­¡± ¡°Your majesty¡­ I have no idea what¡¯s going on and I don¡¯t think I can help here.¡± He answered flatly. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go find Daisybelle¡­ and the wargs.¡± ¡°Yes¡­ go find her, boy. Sadness is a burden to be shared among the members of her pack.¡± He chittered his teeth at the dwarf lad as he departed, leaving only the four boys and their weird uncle in the common room. The king turned on Ward and snorted through his nose, while still idly playing the guitar on his lap, releasing soft, tinkling sprays of liquid music into the tense atmosphere. ¡°You kids are up to something¡­ all five of you. What are you hiding?¡± He grunted finally. ¡°We¡¯re hiding a great many things, king Ghnash¡­ And frankly, it¡¯s exhausting. But as you see, these young men are exactly what you suspected, but also they are still my brother¡¯s children.¡± Ward smiled blandly at the goblin man and murmured quietly. ¡°Why don¡¯t you tell them about the Tarots¡­ and your war with the light cult?¡± He suggested. ¡°Yes yes¡­¡± Ghnash grumbled. ¡°Remember my deck of cards analogy? A soul is an endless deck of unique cards that can never run out or be divided¡­? Souls are only dealt out for a mortal lifetime and then shuffled back together, for the next hand and the next table.¡± He paused and waited for any questions before he went on. ¡°Each soul has any number of faces, infinite variations on the cards to be dealt and never will any two souls be dealt the same hand¡­ usually.¡± ¡°You said that before too, that no two identical souls can exist, usually.¡± Harry grinned at the goblin king, smugly annoying brat that he was. ¡°You emphasised the ¡®usually¡¯ then, too. Ghnash raised an eyebrow at the boys and shook his head. ¡°Remember when I told you that some very naughty immortals had devised a way to divide the indivisible? Well, that unfortunate, divided sap was us.¡± He grunted. ¡°Poor Gary Ward¡¯s soul got captured, broken apart and scattered across all creation, with single cards landing on so many worlds. Each one drawn from that same poor soul and re-made in his image on so very many worlds.¡± The king sighed sadly at his silent young audience. ¡°When a soul sheds fragments of itself normally, only tiny specs drift away, like shed hair or fingernail trimmings. Those fragments will find their way back to the soul from which they were parted, eventually. The universe itself demands that they be reunited, since souls are indivisible at their core.¡± The oddly silent god of Death in the corner stirred and spoke up. ¡°That¡¯s why, despite the vastness of the universe and in defiance of all odds, the fragments of us must find each other.¡± Ward chimed in happily. ¡°No force can keep a soul divided permanently¡­ And after what the Fool did, no immortal will be so mad as to try it, ever again.¡± This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. ¡°True, that is¡­¡± Ghnash grumbled. ¡°As he says, we began to find each other¡­ as we must. When we did find each other, we couldn¡¯t all be Gary Ward.¡± He shrugged and chuckled darkly at the grand joke the universe had played on them. ¡°Too too confusing by far, so one of us began to name the Garies, labeling us according to the tarot cards of earth tradition. The Magician is very wise¡­¡± The little green man sighed sadly. ¡°They call me Temperance, since my mojo and powers come from the restraints I place on myself. By restricting my goblin urges and mastering the chaos within my body, I learned to make magic from the dynamic tension between my goblin nature and human soul.¡± He nodded and snorted a huge breath through his nose. ¡°Accurate and clever as his names may be; I hate being called Temperance. The Chariot dislikes his name too, though he¡¯s reluctant to admit it, that¡¯s why he prefers to be called The Necromancer¡­ He¡¯s also a giant chuuni.¡± ¡°Uh huh¡­¡± The faceless, hooded priestess muttered from the doorway, startling the group with her stealthy appearance in the room. ¡°The undead wizard who can transform into a skeletal dracolich and likes to be called The Necromancer is not just a chunni, he¡¯s the jagged crowned king of the edgelords.¡± ¡°Bahh, priestess girly is going to ruin my story! I¡¯m a goblin witch doctor and shadow mage¡­ We are all a little bit of the chuuni edgelord.¡± Ghnash grumbled merrily, his eyes twinkling at the sight of the hooded and cowled figure. ¡°Well, not The Hermit¡­ or The Star, I suppose.¡± He murmured thoughtfully, while smiling a crooked, half mad grin that the boys all recognized from their father¡¯s face. ¡°Wheel Of Fortune too, he¡¯s a bit silly, that one.¡± ¡°We¡¯d like to meet those others as well¡­¡± The priestess muttered eagerly. ¡°As soon as my brother is well enough to meet his children.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m sure that your pet Gary is a very special boy¡­ we all are. That doesn¡¯t change the fact that I¡¯ve been gobbing it up for nearly two centuries now.¡± He scoffed at the priestess. ¡°We are all convinced that we are the original Gary¡­ at first. It¡¯s alright, we¡¯re all family here.¡± The little man soothed in a patronising tone. ¡°Once you meet with The Magician, you¡¯ll understand.¡± ¡°This Magician of yours sounds like he knows the whole score¡­¡± The hooded priestess girl in the foyer mumbled eagerly. ¡°We should meet him right away.¡± ¡°I really feel like I know you¡­¡± Ghnash muttered in wonder at the hooded and veiled figure lingering in the doorway. ¡°The feeling gets stronger every time I see you, girly¡­ Show me your face! That¡¯s a royal command!¡± He grunted with a broad wink and a comical grin. ¡°Yes, perhaps it¡¯s time, king Ghnash¡­ My brother is stirring and will wake soon. We should prepare you for what is to come and perhaps you¡¯ve hit on the correct first step.¡± Her hidden gaze shifted to the doorway behind her. ¡°Come in, husband. It¡¯s time we greet our friend properly.¡± # Just outside the doorway of that familiar inn, a small, athletic young man waited for his summons, gazing out over the sea and thinking. The young knight had a good deal of experience with goblins¡­ and those experiences had taught him that they were irredeemable little shits, one hundred percent of the time. He¡¯d heard much of the ¡®Goblin King¡¯ from the kids and Daisiybelle, her wargs and her dwarf were a rare treat, who had caused no trouble at all. With that in mind, he felt like he was prepared for the ordeal before him¡­ The reality of a goblin man, sitting on a stool playing one of Gary¡¯s guitars was really difficult to accept at first, second or third glance. ¡°Your¡­ majesty¡­¡± He said with a bow to the oddly handsome goblin man, who was dressed in brown robes of simple woollen homespun. ¡°I am Sir Kermal Singh, knight champion of the duchy of Port Clement, in service to his grace, duke Julius Rummel¡­¡± Sir Kermal faltered, when the little green man locked eyes with him and gasped in a quiet voice that was all too familiar. ¡°Kerms? Little bro¡­?¡± He whispered. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s me¡­Gary¡­¡± He sobbed, dashing into the young knight¡¯s arms; after hanging his instrument on its stand in an instinctive movement, as he crushed himself against the knight in a desperate, gasping rush. When he looked up, the priestess had lowered her enspelled hood, revealing the dark, pretty face of Becky Ward, his long lost little sister. ¡°Becks¡­?¡± Ghnash asked weakly, as he stumbled and staggered to the floor in a dead faint. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­¡± Ward mumbled. ¡°That¡¯s really him in there. This is going to be so socially awkward¡­¡± The handsome divinity mumbled quietly over the passed out goblin. ¡°Yeah, like when you tried to hit on Shai, right after we pulled you back from the void?¡± Becky asked sweetly, her lips almost dripping with venomous insincerity and mockery. ¡°Hey, I didn¡¯t know they were together then¡­¡± Ward grumbled weakly. ¡°Just shows I have good taste.¡± ¡°So why didn¡¯t he recognize you, uncle Ward?¡± Harry asked, while Larry and Perry lugged the surprisingly heavy, unconscious goblin to the sofa. ¡°We were¡­ born, after papa¡­ you know¡­ So it¡¯s no surprise he didn¡¯t recognize us¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, most of the Garies are pieces of him that were broken off by the experiments and rituals that caused this mess¡­ They are almost all branches of the original Gary, like me.¡± He sighed deeply and sank down onto the goblin¡¯s stool, taking up his abandoned guitar. ¡°Our lives are super weird and janky, kids.¡± The deity strummed a soothing chord and began ¡®Brahms Lullaby¡¯, played ever so softly into the cozy room. ¡°You guys all fractured from our Gary when he blew himself up¡­ So you are branches of your father.¡± The divinity whispered. ¡°You all arrived on this world as human babies and developed normally from there; so you only remember bits and scraps of your father¡¯s life.¡± Ward sighed. ¡°Our green friend was born as a goblin man, with a very different life cycle¡­ Ghnash remembers almost everything up to the detonation of the sexbomb, it¡¯s just a little scrambled by his goblin biology and brain.¡± ¡°But why didn¡¯t he recognise you? Or the others, when he showed up on the battlefield?¡± Harry insisted. ¡°In the heat of a late night battle, against hickory smoked and salt cured zombies¡­? He probably was too amped up on gobbo endorphins to see straight. As for me¡­ I¡¯m a god in the human pantheon, he was unable to perceive me in that way without help from a mortal agent¡­¡± The handsome and weirdly compelling divinity mumbled. ¡°It¡¯s one of the rules. The universe doesn¡¯t want gods hopping around all willy-nilly, looking for worshippers on other planes. That would be utter chaos.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s why the Ragamuffins got sent off on messenger detail¡­¡± Harry complained at the older family members, scowling bitterly. ¡°Yes, little brothers¡­ I suspected something was odd about this little fellow when he reacted to Shai that way. To his mind, he has been dead to us all this time, as we lived on without him.¡± Becky whispered, lest she wake the drooling gobbo on the couch. ¡°We were left behind on our world, while certain temporal fluctuations in the veil hurled him into the past, to be reborn on a nearby dungeon world.¡± ¡°You always see so clearly, Becks¡­¡± Ward sighed happily, as though a terrible weight had been lifted from his shoulders. ¡°To him, our Gary likely will be perceived as an interloper, who has stolen his woman away and taken his place¡­ Goblin Gary will react very unpredictably to that information, I think.¡± ¡°Oh, shit yeah¡­¡± Barry mumbled angrily, shooting a worried look at the goblin who was peacefully drooling on the upholstery of Wilf¡¯s couch, lost in his dreams. The young man turned his blazing anger on the tall, brown haired Death god in the corner of the room, trying to be inconspicuous. ¡°You knew all along¡­ and left mom and Ghnash twisting in the wind like that? You suck, uncle Ward!¡± ¡°I can¡¯t help it¡­¡± The divinity complained sourly. ¡°Dana is being a total bitch about all of this and the pantheon has me bound up in so many rules that I can barely manage to murder the occasional demon!¡± ¡°Murdering demons?¡± Becky asked sharply, skewering the god with her angry stare of disapproval. ¡°That¡¯s not a power you should possess, oh mighty Ward, god of Death, Vengeance, Secrets and Golden Figs¡­¡± ¡°I¡­ uh¡­¡± He stammered under that forceful gale of feminine anger. ¡°I kinda found a way to cheat¡­¡± He sighed. ¡°You¡¯ve been ¡®borrowing¡¯ a snake¡­ according to the sleepy monarch over there¡­¡± She grumbled, pointing a thumb at Ghnash. ¡°Does Wilf know what you¡¯re doing with his familiar?¡± ¡°It was his idea¡­ I take his cursed DeathAdder out walkies every now and then and he pretends not to notice when it comes back fat, shiny and sassy. The little guy really loves his work.¡± Ward sighed. ¡°Though it was probably Amy who came up with the whole scheme.¡± ¡°Wilf doesn¡¯t have a familiar¡­¡± Harry said loudly enough to remind the grownups that they were there, nearly waking the king. ¡°He does.¡± Becky whispered tersely, while blasting Ward with a glare of withering discontent. ¡°Wilf¡¯s cursed by a demonic snake familiar, bound to his soul. It¡¯s been haunting him most of his life, constantly begging him to let it rampage and kill.¡± Her glower intensified, somehow, rocking Ward back on his heels. ¡°It¡¯s a thing that should remain tightly sealed away, for everyone¡¯s safety!¡± ¡°Becks¡­¡± Kermal murmured gently. ¡°Wilf¡¯s old enough to make decisions for himself, even dangerous ones¡­ He¡¯s kinda always been old enough.¡± ¡°They¡¯re my babies!¡± She snapped at her husband, while grabbing him up in a hug at the same time. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare tell them I said that!¡± She mumbled from inside Kermal¡¯s collar. # When Ghnash woke, he was laid out on a comfy sofa in the common room, rather than back in the cell. Only Daisybelle and Gandree were in the room with him, as he stirred and stretched. ¡°Crazy dreams¡­¡± He mumbled. ¡°Faces from the past.¡± ¡°Becky said you might be disoriented when you woke¡­¡± Gandree whispered, with Daisybelle¡¯s head on his lap, snoring softly as the dwarf stroked her hair with his broad, hard calloused hand. ¡°She said to tell you to calm down and relax, because time is ¡®All Fucked Up¡¯ and ¡®Shits Going To Get Weird¡¯.¡± The lad shook his head and smiled. ¡°When you¡¯re ready to meet the rest of the family, we¡¯ll go over to the main house together.¡± # ¡°Oh, wow¡­¡± Ivy whispered excitedly. ¡°He¡¯s really¡­ And he remembers everything?¡± ¡°Yup¡­¡± Becky sighed sadly. ¡°He has a very different personality and his magic and gifts are completely changed, but it¡¯s him. It¡¯s also been a long time for him¡­ more than a hundred years, he claims.¡± ¡°Weird¡­¡± Tallum rumbled softly, staring down at Gary¡¯s still, sleeping form. He was laid out on a cot in the common room with his family gathered around, oddly reminiscent of a wake... ¡°Shai¡­?¡± The giant began awkwardly, before giving up. His sister¡¯s life, and by extension, his own were just too awkward and bizarre. ¡°I thought I did know what I were in for, when I married this poor fool of mine¡­¡± She sighed, looking exhausted and wrung out. ¡°Does this make me a bigamist? Fie, ¡®tis a vexing and wracking thought in all!¡± They all looked to the door, when Ward slipped into the room with Daisybelle and Gandree. A subtle chill ran through the house when Ghnash stepped inside, something shook the whole place, without rattling the dishes or making the lights flicker and sway. ¡°Honey, I¡¯m home¡­¡± He grumbled, his small, green, but still all too familiar face wrought into an unreadable mask of conflicting emotions and thoughts. # Ch: 3 A Fool Thinks Himself To Be Wise Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 3 A Fool Thinks Himself To Be Wise Lady Trelawny Belen-Kinnis, countess of Foresthome, had an odd expression on her golden, beautiful face. Arrayed in her formal robes of Dana¡¯s cult of Healers, she glared at her prisoners from behind her lace veil with a cold anger hidden behind those soft and doe-like, hazel golden eyes. ¡°Heidi and Ambrose, no surnames¡­ You claim to be priests of the Light.¡± Her teeth clicked quietly, as though the golden robed, golden priestess had bitten off that last sentence. ¡°You are most assuredly not Contracted members of that spirit¡¯s clergy¡­ Would you like to try again?¡± ¡°It¡¯s true, my lady¡­¡± Ambrose insisted weakly, as his stomach began a long fall toward his shoes, a sensation that went on and on, as the priestess turned to go. ¡°Those who captured you offered to take you back into their care, once they return from their mission¡­¡± She stroked her smooth, golden chin and sighed softly, as she gazed around the clean and windowless cells. ¡°I think that might be for the best, considering your intransigence. My faith forbids most forms of¡­ Well, I¡¯m sure you know what I¡¯m talking about.¡± She smiled behind her scrap of delicate spidersilk lace and shook her head in pity. From behind the beautiful vision in shimmering golden linen and silk, a rough voice spoke. ¡°My lady¡­ turning them over to the Ward clan is little better than torturing them yourself.¡± A wide, burly and hideously ugly man stepped into the light from the cell doors, clad in simple well worn armor of monster leather and steel brigantine. The man¡¯s cold, hard eyes seemed to almost hold a little pity for the prisoners, despite gazing from a scarred and battered face of a street brawler. He had a wickedly flanged mace at his hip, which also looked well used. ¡°Captain Mallus, I¡¯ll thank you to remember your place.¡± She snapped at her vassal. ¡°Whatever befalls these poor souls will be none of my doing.¡± She smiled warmly at the two prisoners, behind their barred cell doors. ¡°They mentioned something about handing you over to someone named ¡®Ace, the Demon King of the Turtle Islands¡¯. The fellow sounds a bit awful, but that is not my problem to manage.¡± ¡°Even so, my lady¡­¡± The scarred and hideous warrior insisted meekly. ¡°Oh, very well¡­ You are too soft hearted for this work, Mallus.¡± She chided her ugly vassal gently. ¡°You have until my husband returns from his mission to decide whether to be frank with me. ¡°He leads the expedition your force attacked with¡­¡± She unrolled a small scroll and perused it for a moment, as if to refresh her memory. A few scant seconds later, her nearly hidden lips compressed into a thin frown of displeasure at what she saw on the page. ¡°Smoked, salted and armored zombies? Oh dear, he really despises necromancers of all types, especially those that try to murder his friends and family. Are you sure you don¡¯t have anything to tell me?¡± A few minutes of awkward silence later, the priestess shook her head in pity. ¡°So be it.¡± Her voice still thrummed with warmth and compassion, but now it held a keen and bitter edge as well. ¡°Tonight, you will be taken from these cells and brought to the local temple complex. There you will be examined before the clerics of the Light and your Contracts shall be assayed. Only then will we decide what to do with you.¡± Heavy doors closed off the barred cell block, leaving the prisoners alone in their blank, sterile, well lit and coldly comfortable cells. ¡°I think I went too far, Mallus...¡± Tawny sighed, as they walked up the stairs to the palace together. ¡°No, my lady, you struck just the right tone. Let them stew for a while and we¡¯ll get results; I can smell the stench of fear, it¡¯s in their bones.¡± He grinned, showing his wide, square teeth in a feral smile. ¡°The truth will come out, one way or another.¡± ¡°My husband is going to have a lot of explaining to do¡­¡± The countess grumbled sourly as they emerged in the bustling, lively palace, far above the cells. # ¡°I dunno¡­¡± Wilf grumbled as they pedaled up the mountain in a loose formation. ¡°I don¡¯t like leaving those¡­ people with aunty Tawny. She¡¯s kinda a softie.¡± ¡°Sure, buddy¡­¡± Dannyl sighed. ¡°She¡¯s as soft and gentle as can be; but you¡¯ve never seen the iron fist hidden in her kid gloves. Tawny and your mother are more similar than you think; aside from the flashing swords and fists like hammers.¡± Sweaty and nicely warmed up by the bright summer day, the kids made good time. The ride back was long, but without any normal bikes in the formation, they made the seven miles or so back to the hike-a-bike section of the trail in slightly more than an hour. The sun and wind had dried much of the trail, leaving only a few slick, muddy sections to slog over on the way back to the void maw. Afternoon was just stretching out its first long fingers of shadow to caress the eastern side of the valley, when the kids entered the cave between worlds and vanished into the endless gulfs of nothing that lay beyond. ¡°All right, stay close¡­¡± Dannyl urged the team of youngsters, as they slipped into the unknowable ether. ¡°Uh¡­ That weird red nebula is still there¡­¡± Benny muttered softly as they walked down nothing at all, toward a whole lot more nothing whatsoever. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about the Devourer of Souls¡­ They¡¯re actually really sweet.¡± The compact ginger Adventurer sighed fondly at the ominous cloud with the super suspicious name. ¡°Right, Wilf?¡± He asked with a wink at the deeply embarrassed lad in red armor. ¡°I¡¯m not supposed to talk about it¡­¡± He mumbled, drawing his snarling red demon menpo up to cover his face. The rest of the journey took little time, but the awkward silence made it drag on and on for what seemed like hours. All the way down the volcano and into the house they rode, in a tight and wary formation, since there was still the possibility of stray hostiles on the island. They kept a wary eye out for trouble, until Mariah spotted them and launched herself up the slope to greet the returning kids and ¡®escort¡¯ them home to the inn by the sea. The wrecked slave galley had been hauled off and beached on the other side of the lagoon, freeing the trapped and entangled smaller vessels. The family boats seemed to be mostly repaired, while Ace¡¯s little sloop still lacked a mast and a portion of its superstructure¡¯s roof. ¡°Oh, good!¡± Amy gasped with relief as they neared the compound. ¡°We might get some sailing in yet!¡± ¡°Priorities, Ames...¡± Rio sighed weakly, knowing in his heart, he was running face first at a brick wall. # Everyone met up in the common room of the main house, gathering by the fire, since that was the only indoor space that could accommodate the group. That was also where Gary was laid out on a cot, still out cold, but now simply asleep, watched over at all times by Kree, the sugar wasp princess. Mariah shot down the chimney in a shower of harmless, illusory sparks and buzzed in a wide circle among the rafters, while Amy and her crew shed their sweaty riding gear for comfy robes and slippers in the foyer. ¡°They¡¯re back!¡± She chattered excitedly at the gathered family. The flurry of hugs, kisses, greetings and demands for updates on the situation on both sides of the veil flew fast and furious, from the home and away teams. The messy and chaotic scrum delayed the whole complex explanation situation for entirely too long. Finally, Liam stood up and clapped his hands, heedless of the sleeping musician by the fire; who stirred and rolled over with a soft mumble at the sharp report. ¡°There are still four hostile humans on the island, pinned down under a relentless mosquito onslaught. We can let them sweat it out until they decide to turn themselves in.¡± He declared firmly. ¡°The zombies have all been neutralized, as far as we can determine. None of the familiars have seen or smelled anything of the undead since the battle.¡± He panned his gaze over the gathered group, slowly taking stock. ¡°More importantly¡­ Did my wife seem angry?¡± He asked very carefully.This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. ¡°Nahh, she¡¯s having a blast.¡± Dannyl said with a grin that failed to ease the count¡¯s nerves. ¡°Especially since we handed her the two stray necromancers we picked up by the roadside¡­¡± Liam opened his mouth to demand more information, only to be forestalled by a loud and oddly familiar voice calling out from the front door. ¡°Honey, I¡¯m home¡­¡± Ghnash the goblin king announced from the entrance to the inn; the one that was at once so familiar and so strange to his senses. He took in a deep breath and smelled her, the one who he¡¯d dreamt of for so long! An instant later he spotted her, standing above the weak and pitiful Gary he¡¯d fished from the pond not long before. ¡°Shai, baby¡­ It really is me!¡± He gasped, as he flung himself at her feet. Strong, familiar hands grasped his shoulders, feeling terrifyingly larger than in his memories. Without effort, she lifted him to his feet and pulled him close, to cry beneath her breasts for a long while. # When Gary woke up, Shai was standing over him in the common room¡­ With a short green dude hugged up around her waist just bawling his eyes out and making a snotty goblin mess of himself. ¡°Uh¡­ heya, lover.¡± He mumbled weakly at his wife, so far above. ¡°You¡¯re probably pretty pissed at me right now, I get it; but who the heck is this little dude?¡± ¡°It be thee¡­ Oh darling mooncalf of mine own.¡± She muttered, her accent thickened by raw emotions and old wounds freshly scraped raw. ¡°A lost piece of thee and a troubled soul.¡± ¡°Ok, lover¡­ I feel like my head is stuffed with wet burlap right now, so I¡¯m going to pretend I understood what you just said.¡± He mumbled sleepily. ¡°Wow! He really is just like my papa!¡± Both Daisybelle and Amy sighed at the same damn time, each one looking at a different man. ¡°Hmph!¡± Kree opined sharply from behind Gary¡¯s ear, as he struggled to sit up, with bleary eyes and a doofy smile on his face. ¡°I don¡¯t like him!¡± She buzzed at the little guy. ¡°Be nice, Sugar-bee; he¡¯s family, I think.¡± Gary mumbled while pawing at his own face and scratching his scalp. ¡°What did I miss? Anything cool?¡± He asked the gathered friends and family. They all groaned in unison and began trying to decide who would get to explain that he¡¯d missed the dracolich, the flaming, hard rocking end of the undead horde and all the rest. Amy won, of course; Gary scooped her into his lap just like he had when she was little and told all the others to hush for a while. ¡°Aww, man¡­¡± Gary sighed a while later. ¡°He played a scorching shamisen solo from undead dragon back... While it breathed unholy ghost fire all over the skellies and the meat golem? That sounds awesome!¡± ¡°I shouted some cool stuff, too.¡± Ghnash muttered from Shai¡¯s embrace. ¡°I was awesome!¡± ¡°We wondered about that¡­ Who in creation is Leroy Jenkins?¡± Ivy demanded sharply. Only Gary, Ace and Ghnash laughed at her question, but they made up for the puzzled silence of the crowd with pure, raucous joy. ¡°Respect, Ghnash¡­¡± Ace muttered happily as they stifled their laughter down. ¡°Gary Ward, meet Ghnash Whar¡¯rgh, king of the goblins. He¡¯s your¡­ clone? Doppleganger? Shit, I don¡¯t know. We¡¯re all just a huge, confusing mess up in here!¡± ¡°I think I can clear some of the confusion up¡­¡± Gary offered, once the family had all been caught up on the latest developments. ¡°The thing is, a friend of mine¡­ He kinda got tricked into sealing this world and our world into a time warp¡­¡± He smiled a silly little grin at Gandree Ghnash and Ace, his three clones¡­ or maybe, sons. ¡°You know how it is¡­¡± Gary strummed a weirdly loud and jarring chord on a guitar no one saw him pick up. Distortion wailed in the room as he began to chant his lyrics. With a bit of a mind flip, You''re into the time slip¡­ ¡°No! No musical number! Certainly not that one!¡± Liam declared in commanding tones, totally ruining the vibe. ¡°I think that if this many of you get going¡­ we might just¡­ I don¡¯t know what¡­¡± ¡°We might¡­ Rock You Like a Hurricane!?¡± Ace demanded from behind a tasty riff of his own. ¡°No!¡± Ward insisted urgently, displaying a bit of his aura in a way he most definitely didn¡¯t usually do around his family. That kind of thing creates tense situations, what with the commanding aura of the divines and the inversely radiant, inglorious halo of menacing, jagged thorned and shadowy fig boughs he now wore. ¡°There are nine of us here right now¡­¡± Ward declared firmly, backed up with a sprinkle of god stuff. ¡°This fragmentary world is creaking and groaning under the metaphysical weight of us. We should definitely not have a nine way jam sesh with the whole crew. Many of these instruments are linked to their very souls and ours in some very non standard ways¡­¡± ¡°I think he means we should do an acapella number¡­¡± Larry suggested, drawing a furious death glare from the local death god. ¡°No, I mean that we each emit a very large quantity of magic into the world, at all times and across the entire electro-magic-nectic spectrum¡­ and in a few largely theoretical and poorly understood areas as well.¡± Ward grumbled at himselves. ¡°We¡¯ve disrupted both the local magical and mundane environment pretty significantly already. Do we really want to tear a new hole in the veil right here, with a funky bass groove?¡± ¡°So we can play folk tunes?¡± Harry asked from behind a carefully studied mask of childlike innocence, as he gutted his poor, hard working uncle Ward. ¡°Children!¡± Shai barked firmly into the room, drawing all of the Garies¡¯ attention in an instant. ¡°All nine of thee, off intae the grotto bath taegether! Go hash this out amongst thyselves¡­ and get yer minds in order.¡± She barked with firm and loving tones that would allow no disobedience. ¡°Wow¡­ She totally sliced my divine aura¡­¡± Ward complained weakly, as they were herded away in a large, weirdly organized, disorganized group of very similar men. When they were all safely ensconced in the most private chamber in the house outside the workshop, Shai breathed a long sigh of relief. ¡°I really want to listen in¡­¡± Ivy murmured weakly. ¡°Can you even imagine the world shaking secrets they might be discussing right now? # Rain poured in through the open roof if the grotto, raising a cloud of mist and steam in the less spacious, hidden pool ¡°I don¡¯t remember much of my old life, the one I lived before coming to this world¡­¡± Gandree sighed softly, floating among the four young Ward boys. ¡°Only dim recollections of sounds, scents and feelings that are too real to be ignored, but were unknown in this realm of existence. That shared sense of being a stranger in a strange land is one of the bonds tying my mismatched family together; just one of them.¡± The other eight Garies all nodded in sober and somber agreement. ¡°You¡¯re very wise, Gandree¡­ I know Amy, Wilf and Rio look nothing like me, or each other¡­ but like you guys, they are absolutely my kids.¡± Gary sighed a moment later. ¡°Wilf is wide and burly, solid and reliable, almost dour; until he gets some wheels under him¡­ But then, look out! He can¡¯t get enough; faster, higher, farther and more draw him like a moth to a flame. In the workshop he was the same way, a soaring and creative soul, working his arts and crafts in wild flights of fancy.¡± The new members leaned in close to listen, bringing a sense of intimate comradery to their shared bathtime. ¡°Rio has dark skin like Amy, but with a tall and athletic build that my daughter¡¯s girlfriends all insist is ¡®Dreamy¡­¡¯ when they think I can¡¯t hear them talking. Rio is a friendly and kind boy, open hearted and eager to help anyone in need, especially those in need.. the big beautiful softie.¡± He mumbled dreamily into the steam and fog drenched cavern. ¡°Amy¡­ My little songbird¡­ She¡¯s smart, strong and determined to make a difference! And that brings her brothers out of their shells and moves them along. I think my kids are gonna do big things!¡± ¡°Mmm¡­ yes! Good good! Proud papa!¡± Ghnash agreed eagerly. ¡°My daughters are, of course, the best best! No doubt of that!¡± He enthused, with a dismissive wave at the four Ward boys. ¡°These are satisfactory, considering the weak, human stock you had to work with.¡± ¡°Ghnash¡­ Daisybelle and I explained to you already¡­¡± Gandree murmured in the king¡¯s ear, but loudly enough for everyone else to enjoy the fun. ¡°Goblin supremacy jokes are in poor taste. Do I need to go get her?¡± ¡°Bah¡­ I had jokes about Goblinsraum and some other fake german stuff lined up too.¡± He grumbled. ¡°Double glad I didn¡¯t make the costume¡­¡± ¡°Bad Ghnash!¡± Gandree scolded the king, while Ward giggled stupidly with Gary over a smoldering pipe. ¡°No cookies at bedtime tonight! Hitler cosplay is not cool!¡± ¡°Gandree dwarf doesn''t get the irony.¡± He whined pitifully. ¡°Is tongue in cheek! Satire! Ghnash worst fascist ever! Nub authoritarian tendencies at all.¡± ¡°Promise me you won¡¯t make any questionable political costumes and you can have two cookies tonight. Two.¡± The dwarf sighed under the relentless puppy gob eyes and pitiful pleading. ¡°Okies¡­ Promises!¡± His majesty mumbled weakly, donning a crown of bubbles he conjured from the surface of the bath. ¡°Oh, yeah¡­ Cookies¡­¡± The two deeply stoned Garies mumbled in unison ¡°Only you clowns should feel so safe around a brain eater¡­¡± Ace sighed merrily in bright, flashing neon colors; to make sure they all heard loud and clear. ¡°Bunch of freaking morons¡­¡± # Amy and Becky marched off to the private baths with Shai, silently drawing the rest of the ladies along with them; leaving count Liam in charge of the small group of confused, bemused and abused young men. ¡°Well, lads¡­ let¡¯s have a jam sesh¡­¡± He suggested after a moment, brandishing his well stuffed pipe. ¡°It¡¯s pissing down rain and I think we will be waiting a while.¡± # Beneath the overturned boat, Padilla sipped a trickle of rainwater from a jungle plant¡¯s broad leaf and gasped with relief. ¡°We have to make a break for Tortuga and rejoin the invasion force¡­¡± He gasped to his sweaty, feverish crew of three exhausted and thirsty sailors over the almost deafening sound of the short squall sweeping over the island. ¡°We¡¯ll row for it at midnight, when the skeeters should be least active. Once we¡¯re a hundred yards from shore we should be fine.¡± He gasped. ¡°It¡¯ll take three days to row that far, but otherwise we¡¯ll die here, or be captured by those¡­ monsters.¡± His crew nodded silently and slipped back into their own thoughts, while using leaves to capture the rain and funnel the water into anything that would hold it. # ¡°My Gandree doesn¡¯t look, smell or sound anything like my king papa¡­¡± Daisybelle murmured in the bath. ¡°But when I heard him playing my song beside a fire on a cold mountainside, I was sure it was him¡­ Right until I jumped into his lap and kissed him!¡± She giggled and shook herself all over at the memory. ¡°At that point, I decided I¡¯d better just keep him¡­ Since just one kiss from me and he¡¯s ruined for all other girls¡­¡± ¡°Anyway¡­¡± Amy said cheerfully, as she pushed the goblin girl¡¯s head under the surface for a few moments of quiet. While Daisybelle struggled, not exactly drowning Amy smiled at the gathered ladies. ¡°This whole thing is going to be an awful mess¡­ even assuming that no more of them¡­ of him¡­ show up. See? Total chaos!¡± She complained cheerfully, with her arms full of wet, naked, struggling goblin. ¡°So where was I?¡± Daisybelle demanded, once she had flipped Amy onto her back and resumed control of the conversation. ¡°Amy is nub good at wrestling.¡± The poor girl was caught in a weird and deeply confusing legend arm lock; one that seemed to require more legs and arms than the goblin lass possessed to pull off. She made it work somehow, pinning the larger girl under the surface with ease and keeping her there. ¡°Ah yes, I remember! My Gandree has a bottom so firm, it¡¯s like spanking a stone! You should all give it a pinch, next time he passes by¡­ just one pinch though!¡± She insisted, waving a slim green finger above the water¡¯s surface; while still managing to keep Amy stymied. ¡°Take two pinches and I¡¯ll knife you good!¡± Shai relaxed back on the side of the pool, watching the kids goof and clown around. Even Lindsey was in the mix, struggling to free Amy with help from Maya and Ivy. ¡°Would Tawny were here¡­ I could use her wisdom.¡± She murmured to Becky, who was floating beside her. ¡°I can¡¯t pretend to really understand what you¡¯re feeling¡­ I only married one man.¡± The high priestess mumbled to her big, pale sister. ¡°You have a whole harem situation forming¡­ Maybe Ward could give you some advice.¡± ¡°Daisybelle¡­ tell me more about young Gandree¡¯s bonny arse¡­¡± Shai called to the goblin who was dominating the chaotic struggle in the deep end. ¡°I kin listen, tae yer tale, whilst I drown me little sister, fer a time.¡± Sure enough, Becky was beneath the surface, gripped in Shai¡¯s iron hard hands. # Ch: 4 The Wise Man Knows Himself To Be A Fool Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 4 The Wise Man Knows Himself To Be A Fool The hidden grotto pool emptied quickly, as all nine of them got the munchies and headed for the kitchen in a bustling mob of Garies, with Ace bringing up the rear, since he had to climb back into his puppet body to follow the group¡­ ¡°What should they call a gathering of us?¡± Ace asked as he hustled to catch up. ¡°Like a pod of whales or a murder of crows¡­¡± ¡°Dude¡­ Shh! Not cool!¡± Gary grunted at the octopus. ¡°Don¡¯t you realize how many chunnis we are¡­? Wait¡­ How many of me are chunnis¡­? No, that¡¯s no good either. My head hurts!¡± ¡°He¡¯s still a mess, inside.¡± Ghnash muttered to Becky, as the rest of them trooped into the kitchen in a mob. ¡°I see the look in your eyes, all of you, when you think I¡¯m not watching. I have a good life and many lovely ladies awaiting me.¡± He smiled so warmly at her that it felt super weird¡­ ¡°I made peace with the death of Gary Ward so very long ago¡­ It was for all of you that I grieved.¡± The little green man fell silent for a moment, watching his brothers, all chattering madly among themselves about things no one else understood. ¡°Look at us, just a gaggle of lonely nerds and damaged souls¡­¡± He smiled sadly at himselves and nodded. ¡°I found a place where I belong, where I¡¯m needed, unlike most of these poor sods¡­ King Ghnash must return to his throne before too long. Once I whip your Gary back into shape, I can leave you all in his hands with confidence.¡± ¡°How, exactly are you going to whip him back into shape, Ghnash?¡± Becky asked carefully. ¡°First, we drag this whole caravan through that gateway in the mountain¡­ Necro said it leads to a prime world, one he cannot safely enter for long.¡± The little man grumbled. ¡°There, we can work unfettered by piddling details like reality crumbling beneath us or the risk of waking a primordial god too early¡­¡± He smiled wanly at her and shrugged. ¡°Then you all sit and wait while we work a big mojo¡­ A very rare mojo that only Ghnash and your broken Gary know.¡± He giggled with almost vicious glee and gave her a huge wink. ¡°We can make big mojo on a prime world without breaking anything¡­ have a tasty jam sesh too!¡± He began to look a little wild eyed and started glancing at Gary¡¯s personal instruments, where they hung on the wall. ¡°Relax, Ghnash. I¡¯ll let the others know your¡­ plan.¡± The high priestess muttered, pointing to the kitchen where things were getting dynamic. ¡°Go play with your brothers, I think they¡¯re making fish tacos.¡± Just like that, his majesty was gone, disappeared into the scrum. ¡°Ooo! Tacos! I want mine raw and wriggling!¡± The goblin king hooted, as he loped away. # ¡°Your friend Cernunnos wants to talk to me?¡± Daisybelle repeated back at the impossibly tall, dark skinned boy with close cropped curls. ¡°Young master Rigo?¡± She asked weakly, feeling a fool and deeply unsure of human protocols. ¡°Yes, well, no¡­ I¡¯m Rio, just Rio. But yes, Cernunnos wants to meet with you and offer you a Contract.¡± He stammered, since she was strolling around in some of the flimsiest underthings that the young man had ever seen. Considering that several close family members were prominent members and even clergy of the scandalous ¡®panty cult¡¯ that was really saying something. ¡°Take a break Rio. Lindsey and I will handle this.¡± Amy murmured, stepping out into the small garden behind Wilf¡¯s place to join them. ¡°This is special girl talk time...¡± The lad turned around and found himself facing all the members of Thirp¡¯s cult in the household, including his mother, dressed in robes and waiting for him to vamoose. ¡°Cult business?¡± He asked weakly, as he slipped by the legion of lingerie ladies. ¡°Cult business.¡± Becky answered firmly. He escaped into the main garden, with the gate snapping at his backside; swung crisply closed by Amy. ¡°Yeah, no boys allowed!¡± She jeered at his fleeing backside. ¡°You passed on the message?¡± Ward asked softly, from the shadow of a nearby fig tree. ¡°Yeah, but I¡¯m not sure she understood.¡± Rio mumbled. ¡°Things got chaotic in there.¡± ¡°That was why I sent you in when I did.¡± He answered smugly. ¡°Gods get a bad rap for being all devious and oblique, but that¡¯s the way things have to work.¡± He sighed gustily and faded farther back into his tree. ¡°A mortal has to plant the suggestion in her mind, even if she didn¡¯t answer, as long as she heard, the door will appear. Cernunnos will now be able to knock on the door of her soul and ask for entry. After that, it¡¯s her choice.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s why you can¡¯t just find one of your outsider friends to Contract dad¡­¡± Rio whispered softly. ¡°Yup. He¡¯s been reborn and sealed off from his place between worlds¡­ even though it¡¯s still part of the whole guy. That stress is a big part of what¡¯s damaging him and keeping him crippled up.¡± Ward shook his head and sighed. ¡°None of the current divines or fae are allowed to Contract him and no outsider can touch his soul. Even those he already knows can¡¯t approach him without a fresh introduction from a mortal agent.¡± He fell silent for a few moments, contemplating the problem. ¡°Everywhere Papa goes¡­ magic happens, uncle Ward. Everywhere.¡± Rio answered solemnly, as if he¡¯d read the deity¡¯s mind. ¡°He makes things happen, whether he knows it or not.¡± ¡°I suppose so, Rio... I suppose so.¡± His impossibly handsome uncle murmured thoughtfully. ¡°Oh wait, let¡¯s watch this show¡­!¡± He gasped, as something behind Rio caught Ward¡¯s eye. The divine pulled Rio into the shadow of his tree and concealed them both with his aura, as Gandree, Dannyl, Ghnash and Ace strolled up to Wilf¡¯s garden gate and knocked. ¡°Oh, this is gonna be good!¡± Ward whispered eagerly. The handsome god had been chased away from so many of the secret functions over the years, that he now took vicarious delight at watching others be rudely rebuffed by the secretive cult of supple fabrics and lace. The gate creaked open a few scant inches and then swung wide to admit three men and an octopus. Seconds later, Wilf ambled along and slipped inside as well. ¡°Wait¡­ How the heck does that work?!¡± Ward demanded in a tone of petulant outrage and divine butthurt. ¡°They¡¯re members¡­ Nobody ever said men couldn¡¯t join.¡± Rio explained patiently. ¡°It¡¯s not a panty cult¡­ well not just that.¡± ¡°So why am I not allowed in?!¡± He continued, his umbrage levels rising dangerously. ¡°You never asked to join, uncle Ward¡­¡± Rio explained very gently to the divine diaper baby throwing a tantrum on the lawn. ¡°What kind of creep asks to join a panty cult?!¡± He demanded even more loudly. ¡°I just wanna sneak a peek!¡± ¡°I think that might be the whole problem¡­¡± Rio mumbled awkwardly to his pervy uncle. ¡°I know kiddo, I know¡­¡± The weirdo sighed with satisfaction. ¡°I¡¯m the lord of the trees, son¡­. I have a nearly infinite number of dryad ladies waiting for me, Rio.¡± He smiled at his nephew and chuckled wryly. ¡°Every once in a while, I need to be reminded that not everyone is desperate for a ride on my pogo stick.¡± ¡°So the creepy peeper act¡­?¡± Rio whispered. ¡°I¡¯m part of the sacred mythos of the cult. It¡¯s all according to their scriptures! Ward the god of death is forever trying to trick lady Thirp into some silly shenanagin or another. In their stories, she confounds me in some embarrassing way every time. It keeps me real.¡± ¡°The girls all know and that¡¯s why they¡¯re so mean to me. I play Coyote to their RoadRunner.¡± He sighed happily. ¡°It really scratches that itch. You have no idea what it¡¯s like, having a harem of lucious, leafy ladies always eager for my attention¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m guessing¡­ ¡®Freakin Awesome¡­¡¯ or something like that?¡± His nephew demanded, sounding disappointed. ¡°Bingo!¡± Ward sighed blissfully. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. # At dawn, the whole mad caravan marched up the mountainside leaving Ace¡¯s small yacht securely beached in a protected part of the lagoon, hidden from sight. By the time the party reached the midway point up the volcano¡¯s cone, no trace remained of the houses or gardens. ¡°I¡¯m only going along to humour you guys¡­ I can¡¯t cross the veil in a body¡­¡± Ace protested as they walked up the trail, after watching the houses blow away on the breeze. ¡°Yeah, sure, Ace.¡± Gary sighed. ¡°That¡¯s not a body, though.¡± ¡°True true.¡± Ghnash insisted. ¡°That¡¯s a doll, to the void, it¡¯s no different from clothing. It never possessed a motive force of its own.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ in this thing, I can just¡­ wander off into the void and do stuff?¡± Ace stammered, nearly losing his balance as the reality of the situation landed all at once. ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s yours, brother.¡± He sighed wearily. ¡°That is a grand gift, brother¡­¡± Ghnash grumbled happily. ¡°I see the work that went into fashioning that wonder.¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t make a big deal over it. I¡¯ve been carrying that thing around for a long time, it¡¯s nice to find it a home at last.¡± He mumbled awkwardly as they climbed the mountain. ¡°I make prosthetic limbs for the maimed all the time, this is no different.¡± They walked along at the end of the line in silence for a while, as the other Garies jabbered merrily and swarmed around the family. Gary watched the jolly interplay and silliness and sighed softly. ¡°I¡¯m not going to pretend to understand, Ace, Ghnash. Just know, I respect you for keeping your humanity¡­ I don¡¯t know if I could have survived like you guys did.¡± ¡°A lot of us didn¡¯t survive¡­ an awful lot of us.¡± Ghnash muttered. ¡°There¡¯s seventy eight cards in a tarot deck, but there were legions of us, brother. Legions.¡± The goblin glanced ahead, to where Gandree marched beside Dasiybelle and smiled. ¡°The spirits the dwarf lad sees¡­ many, many of them are our shades. The spectres of those of us who have fallen. Other mortals too, but there are so terribly many of us.¡± Ace grunted and shrugged. ¡°This world is not really meant for us; we don¡¯t fit in properly. If my dungeon system was still running, I could manage the spiritual noise and imbalance a little more proactively, but it¡¯s a long term issue that will work itself out¡­¡± Both men, the tall and muscular, bland featured man and the handsome, almost statuesque goblin king both glared at him and spoke in unison. ¡°Spiritual Hygiene is important!¡± The men looked at eachother and grinned. ¡°I like this guy!¡± They sang in harmony. ¡°I think we¡¯re gonna have a problem, here¡­¡± Kree muttered sourly, from behind her bonded familiar¡¯s earlobe. ¡°I dunno, He seems so much more¡­ lively now!¡± Mariah insisted from his collar. ¡°You girls know we can hear you, right?¡± Gary asked gently, while Ghnash giggled foolishly and muttered about ¡®Slim Shady¡¯ or some such idiocy. # ¡°Should we leave them alone together?¡± Tallum asked nervously, when Gary, Ghnash and Ace drifted to the rear of the group, talking intently. ¡°Oh yeah, definitely not!¡± Ivy muttered up to her husband. ¡°Those guys are way too volatile and unpredictable to just be left unsupervised¡­ let¡¯s watch!¡± The three idiots linked arms and began to skip together, while chanting about a ¡®yellow brick road¡¯ all the way up the mountain. At the top Ivy sighed and mumbled quietly. ¡°I was hoping for a mass haunting or an outbreak of spontaneous magical fireworks at least. That was just stupid.¡± ¡°I think they were having fun¡­¡± Tallum muttered to his little wife. ¡°We should skip more often.¡± The whole family marched into that small cave near the top of the volcano and vanished from ¡®The Swarm Dungeon¡¯ in a twinkle of silent magic. Only the small yacht beached among the mangroves and the two radiant moons sailing through the sky remained to show they had been there at all. Seventeen miles out to sea, ¡®Captain Padilla¡¯ and his crew were in no condition to contemplate the moons or the mysterious exodus of the Ward family. They had discovered that the local skeeters could and would follow a warm blooded meal for miles over the open sea. They would follow for many, many miles, even if the stupid beasts had no hope of getting back. They followed, lurking and waiting for their chance to strike. Ten days later, when the longboat washed ashore on Tortuga; the four men inside were as dry and flat as a brace of empty wine skins, their food supplies and water casks still full. # Dana, lady of Healing and Succor in man¡¯s suffering, was furious. ¡°Escaped through the veil?! He should have been unable to transit the void!¡± She spat, hurling her anger at everyone around her golden divan, beneath a sumptuous silken awning. Her eyes settled on Caduceus, the Physician, her ever loyal servant. ¡°Do our curses mean nothing?! Bring me Baba Yaga!¡± She barked. ¡°The witch of the forests has resigned from your court, my lady¡­ An outcome I¡¯m sure we will all come to appreciate in due time.¡± He stammered, as rage clouded the goddess¡¯ face once more. ¡°She¡­ Resigned¡­ from MY service?!¡± A goddess never shouts, certainly one never shrieks¡­ and yet. When the thunderous and shrill cacophony ended and Caduceus was able to perceive sound again, lady Dana asked a very soft question. ¡°Where is she?¡± ¡°Baba Yaga was last seen entering the Madman¡¯s inn, where Marduk dwells, my lady.¡± The sacred Physician answered very carefully. ¡°She has not been seen since.¡± ¡°And that creature? Do we know where it has gone?¡± She demanded archly. ¡°If it is outside our domain, there is nothing holding us back from destroying that thing.¡± ¡°Really?¡± A tiny jackalope asked from the foot of her divan in the garden of rest. The god of Beasts nibbled a dandelion leaf and sighed happily around his snack. ¡°I have become quite attached to this form. No one ever pays me any mind at all.¡± He preened his whiskers with his front paws and had a nice long stretch before turning his dark, beady, bunny eyes on the golden goddess of Healers and Physicians. ¡°I don¡¯t usually intervene in my follower¡¯s lives, since I am the divine animate force of all living beings, beasts and sentients.¡± He let loose a tiny, bunny belch of satisfaction and eyed the goddess up and down. ¡°I mention it, because you seem to have forgotten who I am¡­ The Devourer is also deeply concerned by your recent shift in attitude and aspect. Do you even begin to realize what it takes to draw that being¡¯s gaze from the limitless horizon?¡± Beast took a quick hippity hop around to loosen up and sat down on his haunches in front of Dana. ¡°You are a local goddess of one local species¡­ Try and maintain some perspective at least, since humility seems beyond your grasp.¡± ¡°Why? Why are you so deeply invested in this creature, this broken thing?¡± She demanded, ignoring the waves of divine might roiling in the tiny bunny¡¯s aura. ¡°Because he has been broken, a thing which should not have been possible. The Devourer is absolutely ecstatic¡­ they haven¡¯t actually seen a new thing in so long¡­ Time kinda loses meaning on that scale, Dana.¡± He smiled and raked his antlers against a shade tree, scratching that itch. ¡°You realize the utter gravity of this, don¡¯t you?¡± He asked gently. ¡°For the first time since the advent of¡­ everything, a new mortal soul has been created. Several of them, actually. The whole universe creaked and groaned from the stress of what your friends did.¡± ¡°You mean what IT did, with that¡­ device!¡± She barked. ¡°It rent a hole in the veil and so many were¡­ lost¡­¡± ¡°Not lost, Dana! Nothing was destroyed, they only took new forms¡­ as all beings will, as all beings must. No entity is truly eternal, even the Devourer is showing signs of¡­ change.¡± Beast muttered gently. ¡°When this planet is consumed and its star goes out¡­ What then, Dana? Have you considered that? Can you make the leap to another realm, as Marduk and Thirp have? But even that is a change as well.¡± He sighed and stretched out at the goddess¡¯ feet in the sunshine, taking his ease. ¡°Immortality is meaningless, we just operate on a longer time scale. Even the great ones pretend that they are eternal, while we all know that in the end, there will always be an end. The Devourer knows this and is always there to remind us.¡± The bunny grinned up at her, showing his buck teeth. ¡°That is why so few immortals can perceive the Devourer, without help.¡± He glanced up at the looming, lurking red nebula above her silken canopy. Hidden from view, but still present and radiating its awful gaze through the fragile cloth covering. ¡°They perceive us, though. Toodles, Dana¡­ remember, we are watching.¡± # Mallus, captain of the count¡¯s guard, scratched his stubble and grunted at the report in his hand. ¡°Giant spider monster? Could it be a trapdoor? That¡¯s what we usually get up here.¡± ¡°No sir.¡± The young orphan in light armor answered crisply. The countess¡¯ ducklings were becoming invaluable as messengers and nuisance eliminators, but this looked like a real problem. ¡°It moves fast and climbs like you wouldn¡¯t believe¡­ it could be a jumper variant, but it¡¯s big, sir.¡± ¡°No losses or damage?¡± He asked with a raised eyebrow. ¡°None, sir. But we did see it. Bright white and splashed with crazy colors.¡± Oliver answered with certainty. ¡°I vanished into the brush, but we saw it, sir.¡± ¡°All right, son. That¡¯s fine¡­ the count should be back soon, then we¡¯ll have a look for this thing.¡± Mallus soothed the lad. ¡°Spider¡¯ huh?¡± He shuddered with revulsion and grimaced. # The human patrols were skilled¡­ and he was not built for stalking humans. They could perceive his colors, making his camouflage useless. In the infrared spectrums, he was a stone cold ninja! Sadly, in what humans call ¡®the visible spectrum¡¯ Hermit was a bright white and gaily colorful warning flag. His sleek fur gleamed almost silver, except for the colorful and poofy tufts of fur at his joints and along his abdomen, which were splashed with head trauma blue, bright green and coral red. He squatted under a blackberry bramble, while another patrol passed by. He lay there, flattened down to the dusty earth and holding very still until the sound of their boots faded. Slowly, he crept out and across the road, clambering up into an empty hayloft to pass the day. He was hungry, so very hungry¡­ hunting had been a bust, there were no more goblins among the hills, only signs of where they had been and where they had come from. As to where they had gone, Hermit had tracked them to the scene of a battle, faint and fading rapidly, since the bodies had been cleared away. The goblins he¡¯d been counting on for food were gone¡­ slain and probably buried¡­ wasted. Hermit sighed and resigned himself to deer again. He hated the taste of deer. Most ground dwelling animals were awful tasting, while most arboreals and flyers were too small to make a meal. What he wouldn¡¯t give for a mongoat; those nasty, obnoxious, horned monkeys his buddy Ace had so many of, so tasty. Even better than goblin, he always felt a little guilty for eating those wretches¡­ Not guilty enough to refrain, of course. They had to be eliminated, as a matter of hygiene and there was no sense letting perfectly good food go to waste. ¡°Papa¡­ I think I saw something in the back hayloft¡­¡± A child¡¯s voice called out. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go look!¡± Sure enough, just a few seconds later, a tasty delicious morsel wandered into the barn, peering and poking in the dark corners, looking for whatever she¡¯d seen out of the corner of her eye. ¡®The kid has no survival instincts¡­¡¯ He thought to himself, as she walked right under him, without looking up once. An instant later, she cut loose an ear piercing scream and bolted from the barn like her pants were on fire. Hermit snatched the moondrinker dragon fly from his hastily strung web and thanked whatever deities ruled this world for providing such a feast. With a wingspan of ten feet and armed with crystalline glass wings that could slash prey to ribbons, the thing was a nasty predator. At this size, they became active only at night, stalking ground prey among the forests and hedgerows. This one could take a small child or a sheep, if it caught them in the open. The creature would creep close on the ground, then make a quick flyby to slash the prey with its wings, before pouncing on and devouring its victim. Hermit hastily bundled his prize and snuck out the back door, leaving only a few traces of web to mark his passage, when the farmer and his two grown sons came charging out with pitchforks and spears ready, a few scant seconds later. ¡°I saw it! A big bug! In the barn!¡± Beth insisted stridently. ¡°Crybaby! You probably saw a moth!¡± One of the older boys jeered his crying sister, as they headed back inside; unaware of the giant spider lurking just outside the light. Hermit left the moondrinker¡¯s distinctive, glimmering, stained glass wings dangling outside the girl¡¯s window, strung up to catch the morning sun and spin in the breeze. He chuckled to himself as he imagined the scene, come morning. The wings were immensely valuable, when taken intact, to humans, anyway. To him they were just pretty ornaments and remnants from a tasty meal. As he skittered through the trees, a voice arrested him. ¡°Brother¡­ you are out of place.¡± Hermit hadn¡¯t heard the voices of spider kin in a long while. ¡°Yes, you, the big one.¡± The voice called from near the forest floor, singing out in the subsonic tones of a well strummed web. He spun a dropline and slid to the ground, beyond curious as to who could be addressing him. ¡°Yes, it¡¯s me, big guy.¡± A local orb weaver muttered. He was the size of a small dog; so by regular spider measure, the guy was a monster. Hermit weighed as much as a small horse, so there was that. ¡°Yeah, It¡¯s me talking. My name is Clint, lord Aclintheros said you¡¯d be coming here; he commanded us to look out for you. We¡¯re supposed to help you where we can¡­ He didn¡¯t mention you were a freaking giant, though.¡± Hermit rummaged in a silk satchel hidden in the fur of his abdomen and drew out his old voice; a lyre slash banjo comprised of found lumber, animal bones, shells and spidersilk. ¡°I haven¡¯t used my voice in a while, let me tune up.¡± He croaked. ¡°Sure, buddy. Just don¡¯t spook any more humans, ok? We¡¯re really having a hard time lately and a ¡®spider monster¡¯ panic among the two-legs is not going to help matters.¡± Clint sang happily. ¡°Wow¡­ you are freaking enormous, bro!¡± Ch: 5 I Wasted Time Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 5 I Wasted Time Passing through the veil was once more a deeply odd experience, as the strange, almost real tunnel through the never and nowhere, appeared and vanished along their path; extending only as far as the mortal eyes of the party could see. Since things like time, distance and reality itself were little more than suggestions in the realm between¡­ The experience was a strange mixture of fear and comfort. Walls of solid seeming stone passed by at a normal walking pace, yet the entire group sensed the vast and yawning gulfs of empty void beyond their line of sight. ¡°I¡¯m projecting this passageway unconsciously, shaping it from the shadows and ether while releasing my grip on it as we pass along¡­ so we¡¯re not really walking, this is just an illusion my soul is creating around us.¡± He explained to the octopus. ¡°Usually there¡¯s a yawning gulf of dreams and nightmares, surging like a vast ocean all around. My soul creates this to shelter itself from what I am unprepared to perceive.¡± ¡°Uhh¡­¡± Ace muttered inconclusively to the odd fellow. ¡°Right.¡± ¡°I stared into the abyss so long that it kinda decided I belong here¡­ but I¡¯m still only a fragile mortal at my core. My subconscious is doing this to prevent me from gazing off into the end of everything and falling into the void.¡± He murmured around a leftover carrot-apple muffin from breakfast. ¡°Oh, yes, he¡¯s right.¡± Ghnash agreed firmly. ¡°Is a subtle and very low power mojo, but potent none the less. I¡¯m impressed you can manage it in your state!¡± He nodded twice and grinned. ¡°Flying through the void on dragonback is more metal.¡± ¡°Lucky bastard¡­¡± Gary complained fondly at the goblin king. ¡°What¡¯s up with you two?¡± Ace asked quietly. ¡°When did you get so tight?¡± ¡°You will come to understand, Ace. Just relax and enjoy your first trip off world.¡± Ghnash murmured happily. ¡°All will become clear, when Hermit and Necro join us for a big mojo.¡± / ¡°So if we can introduce dad to an outsider who can Contract him, we can clear up a lot of these issues in one swoop!¡± Harry enthused to the group, as they marched along. ¡°What about aunties Elli and Kelli?¡± Rio asked with a sharp tooth grin. ¡°I bet she knows an outsider or two¡­ and they¡¯re both mortal.¡± They considered the unlikely pair of Elli and Kelli; a developmentally delayed woman in early middle age and her spirit haunt, a formless demon of darkness, possessing her shadow. Kelli, the human woman and Elli, the demon of endless night had been a tight duo since Kelli had been sold for magical experimentation as a toddler. A handicapped child, bought by a shady cult of mages from her equally shitty parents for a few coins. Elli, the ¡®demon¡¯ those fumbling cultists summoned, had little interest in being the slave of a bunch of losers who couldn¡¯t even manage to secure their magical circle properly¡­ She also, like most beings of the deep ether, neither understood nor had much interest in physical worlds, or their denizens. Truly malignant and evil beings existed and could be summoned by those with the knowledge and ill intent required. The forgotten demon cult hadn¡¯t been specific enough and wound up summoning a being that had little patience for their foolishness. Taking possession of their would be human sacrifice and suppressing her mind for a few minutes of hectic action had been the easiest way to solve everyone¡¯s problems. Everyone in the family wished so desperately that they could have witnessed the awesome spectacle of a naked three year old with Down Syndrome ripping a pack of fifteen full grown and armed cultists literally to pieces with her bare, pudgy baby hands¡­ Sadly, only Elli and Kelli had walked out of that blood soaked lair of wicked sorcery, no other witnesses survived. They had joined the extended family and become ¡®aunties Kelli and Elli¡¯ years before; when Gary had taken Elli¡¯s immortality from her, at her request. The eldritch entity had decided to become a mortal being of shadow and follow Kelli, wherever she went next, including the next life. ¡°We have the weirdest family¡­¡± Amy sighed happily. ¡°I doubt Gary¡¯ll go along with anything like that.¡± Becky grumbled sadly. ¡°He¡¯s been burned too many times; mortal souls are not meant to endure what he has, so few beings will be willing or able to touch the thing he¡¯s become. Of those who would or could touch him, even fewer would be welcome, as guests in his soul¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ll have no more scheming or plotting with my husband¡¯s soul.¡± Shai announced, ending the discussion. ¡°He shall Contract or nae, as he wills and when he wills.¡± She shot a faintly disapproving glance at Becky and sighed. ¡°Poor Marduk still hopes to take him back¡­ it will not come to pass, sister. Don¡¯t let your god go pushing you around. I dearly love the wee deity, but I¡¯ll not have him pressured, not by any means nor measure.¡± ¡°You know I would never¡­¡± Becky murmured softly, still watching her Gary caper and dance with the puppet and the goblin. ¡°He¡¯s just so¡­¡± ¡°Papa knows what he¡¯s doing¡­¡± Wilf¡¯s firm, soft voice rumbled out from behind the two women, distracting them from the antics of the three most troublesome Garies. ¡°He¡¯s probably always known on some level¡­ That¡¯s why he¡¯s the Fool.¡± Ward agreed, appearing from nowhere, startling the group as a whole. ¡°Sorry, As a pan-dimensional divine, I can kinda just show up in this weird, non-place.¡± He gave the family a cheeky grin and joined the stroll through the tunnel of imaginary stone. ¡°Don¡¯t worry so much, gang. This passage will be easy for everyone. On your last trip through, his curses dragged at him like an anchor, that¡¯s why he came out all wrecked.¡± The Death god grinned and chuckled. ¡°In a lot of ways, he belongs as much between the worlds as on them¡­ like me.¡± ¡°You need to explain that one.¡± Amy demanded of her weird uncle, skewering him with a razor keen glare. ¡°You can¡¯t just hang something like that out to dry and walk away.¡± Ward stroked his chin thoughtfully and sighed. ¡°Well, he¡¯s not exactly like me. I¡¯m a dryad, with roots in many worlds, wherever my fig trees grow and flourish. Gary¡¯s almost the exact opposite. He never can plant roots anywhere, except in the hearts of the people he loves, otherwise, he just drifts, untethered.¡± The handsome deity grinned, a sharp toothed predator¡¯s smile. ¡°Dana tried to tie him down and bind him, even before he and War had their¡­ disagreement and falling out. She has had her eye on him from the start, I believe.; though, I wonder why. I think we can expect some chaos in the near term.¡± / The whole party trooped out onto the narrow and desolate vale, high up in the mountain pass, blinking at the bright sunshine and cold breeze that greeted them. The scents of pine, spruce and hemlock mingled with forest loam and the sharp tang of sun warmed granite embraced the family as they emerged into the outskirts of Foresthome county, the ancestral domain of count Liam. Civilization was slowly returning to the long forgotten valley, as humans and other folk immigrated to join the growing community on the edge of the world of men. Ace inhaled deeply, savoring the aromas of the high forests and peaks after so long in his tropical prison. ¡°Oh wow! He gasped in delight. ¡°All my senses are pretty muted and dull when I¡¯m in¡­ my usual transportation. This is incredible!¡± ¡°I get it!¡± Gary enthusiastically agreed. ¡°I missed the scent of the ocean, but it¡¯s nice to be back !¡± ¡°No, really¡­¡± Ace carried on. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to smell, taste or touch in so long I can barely remember this feeling. Just being able to play a guitar again after so long is more than I could have hoped for...¡± Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°Dude, chill. You¡¯re making him uptight.¡± Ghnash grumbled, when he noticed the taller man who wasn¡¯t a puppet mech driven by an octopus, start to shift and fidget uncomfortably. ¡°We have miles to travel, I think.¡± ¡°We do, several miles. We have to hike a little bit to get to the road. Let¡¯s get moving!¡± Dannyl urged the group. ¡°We have good weather and dry trails, let¡¯s move.¡± ¡°Wait¡­ I promised Necro I would leave him a present in this cave.¡± Ghnash complained, as the humans started limbering up their long legs. ¡°Magic fetish, so the Necromancer can endure this world¡¯s light for a time. Strong mojo, it will shield his auras from the light for long enough to do what we need to.¡± ¡°What are you guys up to?¡± Ivy demanded quietly, while the goblin dashed into the cave mouth and placed a neatly wrapped cloth bundle in the middle of the path, well inside the entrance and far from any chance the sunlight would hit the package. ¡°We¡¯re going to call a meeting of as many of me as we can get in touch with. It should be wild.¡± Gary murmured happily. ¡°It¡¯s pretty exciting, finding out that there¡¯s more out there.¡± ¡°Ghnash and I have both been stuck in our worlds from the start, this is going to be our first meeting with most of them as well.¡± Ace mumbled awkwardly. ¡°It¡¯s super socially awkward, and I still don¡¯t get why this guy thinks he¡¯s in charge.¡± He grunted and jerked a blue puppet thumb at the goofy, flesh and blood man who was nodding and grinning like an idiot. ¡°I¡¯m absolutely not in charge!¡± Gary insisted. ¡°As you¡¯ve cheerfully pointed out, I¡¯m the weakest, most fragile being in this gaggle! Most of the pets and all of the familiars could swat me down without effort.¡± He was still grinning at his confused new brother, or friend or something¡­ smiling like a complete madman. ¡°Let¡¯s get some miles under us and we¡¯ll figure out the complicated stuff later.¡± Gary placed a little panflute made of humble water reeds to his lips and began a sprightly marching tune, drawing instruments into the hands of a few others. The smiling musician swayed and danced through the party like a lunatic, leaving instruments in his wake, wherever he passed. The fool sashayed by and hip bumped Ace, who found that he had a ukulele softly singing along to the cheerful tune without fully realizing what was going on. Somehow it had just appeared there in his grip and he was already strumming¡­ ¡°Let¡¯s have a little travelin music, brothers.¡± He sighed over his humble reed pipes. / Reclined on her golden divan, Dana, the Healer sighed listlessly and scratched a mild, burning itch on her palm. ¡°Do we know any more about where that thing might have fled to?¡± She demanded, as the itch slowly intensified. ¡°No, my lady¡­ He has not revealed himself to any of our clerics or cultists.¡± Caduceus answered, his voice thickened by the strain of peering through so many mortal eyes at once. ¡°We will remain vigilant and shall report our findings immediately, divine one.¡± He gasped. ¡°I suppose that will have to suffice¡­¡± Dana glanced down at the tiny red spot on her formerly immaculate palm. ¡°What is this sensation? It couldn¡¯t be¡­¡± The rest of divine lady Dana¡¯s thoughts on the matter were delivered to the scattered beings who happened to be gathered around the standing stones on the Madman¡¯s moon, where she appeared without fanfare or warning. At the same moment, pain blossomed in her hand once more, as the Fool¡¯s curse bit into her essence again. ¡°He has returned to this domain, divine lady¡­¡± Caduceus declared, as he appeared by her side a moment later. ¡°The portents and signs clearly indicate this.¡± ¡°I had gathered that much for myself¡­ Physician.¡± She spat, through tight clenched teeth and lips pressed into a bloodless line on her once flawless visage. / The Ward family¡¯s patented, wide ranging and completely nonsensical blend of music and conversation continued its dance around the metaphorical maypole for some little time as the traveled the narrow trail. The sun was still burning the last shreds of mist away, when the party stomped out onto a wide, well maintained, if little traveled mountain road of crushed granite and hard baked clay. ¡°All right, here comes the part some of you may find confusing or troubling¡­¡± Lord Liam announced in his ¡®I¡¯m The Count¡¯ voice, wearing his glorious cloak of eternally falling silver oak leaves and in his leonine armor. ¡°Please just go with it. I want to put on a bit of a display, so we are going in full kit, with flags waving. This troop will be parade ready in thirty minutes.¡± The Ragamuffins and Clown-Shoes were already working in that direction, eager to put on a brave show for the sleepy and scattered wilderness domain they were going to be travelling through. Wilf and Amy were setting the teams bikes out and adding gay pennants and streamers, to accompany the flagpoles Wilf mounted above each rear wheel. At the first appearance of the bikes, Gandree and Ace gave a loud and inarticulate squeak of delight, sounding like two of the same child on the best christmas morning ever. ¡°Bikes!?¡± Gandree gasped, while Ace gaped in wonder. ¡°You have bikes?!¡± Ghnash just nodded and looked unbearably smug. ¡°Bikes.¡± The goblin announced. ¡°Hey Fool¡­ You got wheels for me and Gandree?¡± He demanded of the lunatic who was donning his bright yellow bike armor beside his own machine. ¡°I have Wilf and Rio¡¯s bikes from when they were little, they should be close enough in size.¡± He shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t think the boys will mind.¡± ¡°Hey! How come they get to ride without armor and safety gear?¡± Rio demanded, while the dwarf and goblin were straddling the smaller, child sized machines that the boys had outgrown. Smiling and eager, Wilf had pulled them from his father¡¯s shadow within seconds of the request being spoken. ¡°We came from a place where only rich kids got safety gear.¡± Ghnash explained through a hungry and excited grin. ¡°We ride as the gods and spirits intended the common people should, risking our fragile bodies for the cause!¡± A huge, tanned and calloused hand landed on the little green guy¡¯s shoulder. ¡°No dice, Ghnash. Everybody that rides wears at least a helmet. It¡¯s the law.¡± Gary murmured to his little friend. ¡°I have the kids¡¯ old gear and some things I¡¯ve been working on¡­¡± He turned to the count, who was supervising his troops and smiling happily, savoring the cool mountain breezes of his home. ¡°Hey, Liam, help Wilf and Amy dig out some armor and safety gear for my new friends¡­ My storage is a bit of a mess.¡± ¡°Really, brother? Shai and I have been telling you to get rid of all that clutter for years now¡­¡± Liam complained, as he began reaching into Gary¡¯s shadow, fishing around for gaily painted and lacquered wooden armor pieces in the deepest parts of his brother¡¯s soul. ¡°I can¡¯t just have a garage sale¡­ most of this stuff is at least a little magical.¡± He complained weakly. ¡°All the more reason to put it to use.¡± Wilf rumbled, as he pulled out his old armored duster and helmet from a few years ago. He held them up against the dwarf and shook his head, before turning to Ghnash, who seemed a good fit for the burly young man¡¯s hand-me-downs. ¡°It¡¯s a waste to just carry all these things around.¡± ¡°Says the guy who¡¯s outfitting my new brother with the contents of my interdimensional junk drawer.¡± Gary replied smugly, as the goblin buckled the light shin and knee guards on. In Wilf¡¯s old kit, with the menpo snug and the goggles on, Ghnash could pass for a small human man, so long as he didn¡¯t expose any of his green skin. Gandree wound up wearing one of Wilf¡¯s spare helmets and his own sturdy canvas coat, since nothing in the family¡¯s stores fit the absurdly broad dwarf lad. He was grinning so wide that he was probably going to have trouble getting the bugs out of his teeth and standing over Rio¡¯s old bike like he was waiting for a race to start. Daisybelle loped up, mounted on Jasmine and laughed at his bizarre wheeled construct. ¡°Are you sure¡­? That looks like a foolishly dangerous contraption, whatever our new friends and King Papa say!¡± She giggled, before leaning in and stealing a kiss from the smiling man, who licked his lips and nodded eagerly. ¡°Just watch and see, Daze¡­ Just watch and you¡¯ll see.¡± He reached out and swatted her pert, round bottom in her snug and immaculate uniform pants, followed by a gentle rub and pat of her hiney. ¡°I¡¯m just sad I won¡¯t be able to watch your butt all the way down the mountain¡­¡± He grinned wolfishly and chuckled in a way that made the goblin girl¡¯s tummy warm up in some very pleasant ways. ¡°Cause you¡¯ll be watching mine.¡± ¡°I like this new Gandree boy!¡± She growled eagerly. ¡°I don¡¯t know where you get this confidence, but at least you¡¯ll still get a good long look at my ass; while I leave you in the dust!¡± Poor count Liam watched his parade devolve into a race with a long, gusty sigh. ¡°Wilf, could you bring my bike out, please? These new guys need to learn some humility.¡± He turned to his immense snapdragon familiar and smiled. ¡°Come home, darling. I¡¯m riding the bike down the mountain.¡± The massive floral dragon nuzzled him with one of her many flower heads and began to diminish in size rapidly, eventually disappearing entirely with a soft rustle of leaves. As she shrank, colors flowed up the count¡¯s armored gauntlet in a liquid stream of green, pink, red and yellow. It appeared as if a painter¡¯s pots had been spilled onto his hand and began flowing up his hand to disappear under the armored vambrace hiding his skin. ¡°Such a good girl!¡± He sighed, petting his right arm and smiling. With his familiar concealed in his tattoo, he straddled his own bike, an eager smile spreading across the young lord¡¯s handsome face. Ace stood astride a spare machine, staring down at the familiar, unfamiliar construct in astonishment. ¡°Shit, do some of these have¡­ Freaking Motors?¡± He asked, when Dannyl seated his chain whip into the frame of his own bike, eliciting a metallic and throaty humm from the machine. ¡°Yup.¡± Becky announced from astride her own violet and purple bike, dressed in close fitted armor like the rest. ¡°Gary made them¡­¡± Her sweet smile and cheery voice took on a little bit of a bite as she continued. ¡°...You know, the weakest of us? That wrecked guy?¡± ¡°Come on¡­¡± The blue puppet sighed tiredly. ¡°He¡¯s unranked and his power level is fifty¡­ What was I supposed to think?¡± ¡°Stop thinking about power levels and stuff so much.¡± Ghnash grumbled up at the much taller being. ¡°Some of us grow strong, some of us are born strong¡­ Many more of us are weak and feeble.¡± The goblin spoke in a low, quiet rumble, one that would not carry far. ¡°The worth of a person is not in his power level or rank, any more than it can be measured in wealth.¡± ¡°Oh, sorry, I forgot that so many of me are a bunch of damn hippies.¡± Ace complained through his faceless mask. ¡°There¡¯s nothing noble about being broke, on the run and powerless¡­¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t there, though?¡± Gandree asked quietly. ¡°I left the dwarfhold just hoping for something better out here¡­ Now my adventure has taken turns I never expected.¡± He shrugged. ¡°I¡¯ve kissed three divines and a goblin princess, fought in battles and skirmishes and seen other worlds¡­ Just this month.¡± ¡°You are limited to one goblin princess!¡± Daisybelle barked ferociously at her boy. ¡°Gods above and below, what would I do with more than one?¡± Gandree demanded right back, grinning like a man who just won the grand prize, without buying a raffle ticket. ¡°That is the power of the Fool.¡± Ghnash muttered with absolute confidence, his eyes shining brightly as he watched Gary clown around with his kids and count Liam. ¡°In the tarot, every card is numbered and ranked¡­ save one. The Fool is card zero for a reason.¡± ¡°Wait, Ghnash¡­ You really think this guy is the original recipe?¡± Ace whispered very softly. ¡°This guy?¡± ¡°Yup.¡± The king answered firmly. ¡°We all think we¡¯re the original Gary when we appear, but only one of us can be right.¡± He answered calmly, right before kicking off to follow the rest of the team as they rolled down the mountain on nearly silent, alchemically treated rubber tires. ¡°It¡¯s bitter medicine, brother¡­ To find that you are, that we are essentially copies.¡± He sighed softly and smiled at the Fool, who was goofing around with Gandree and Daisybelle. ¡°But I find the unpleasantness passes swiftly, leaving only sweet relief behind.¡± ¡°You¡¯re pretty deep, Ghnash.¡± Ace murmured quietly. ¡°But this guy?¡± He asked again. ¡°Brother, at first glance, how dangerous do you appear? I thought you were adorably wriggly; yet you are deadly dangerous and a being to be rightly feared.¡± He smiled, showing his pointy teeth. ¡°Many have thought me a simple goblin¡­ and been taught harsh lessons for assuming that what appears, is all that there is.¡± He smiled, shook his shaggy head and bucked Wilf¡¯s old helmet on firmly. ¡°Now shut up and ride, Ace! I haven¡¯t been on a bike in forever and I plan to enjoy this!¡± / Ch 6 Now Time Doth Waste Me Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch 6 Now Time Doth Waste Me In a high mountain vale, on the very hindmost end of human lands, things were stirring in the woods. Down a long, winding and seldom traveled mountain road that led to a sleepy backwoods town, an odd and mysterious group appeared from the scrubby woods. A strange parade of nearly silent machines pelted down the slope with a pair of giant wolfhounds chasing after, tongues lolling out and lungs heaving. Laughter, joyous whoops of delight and the rush of the wind followed them down, echoing off the granite mountains all around. The mad peloton of bikes and wolves blasted down the quiet mountain roads and country lanes of Foresthome, leaving chaos behind them. Most residents of the frontier town had become accustomed to the sight of the weirdos and their crazy machines, so the party didn¡¯t even attract that much attention, by sleepy town and bored mountain folk standards. Which is to say, they developed a long train of followers, mounted, in haywains or afoot, people began ambling toward the town proper and the lakefront, where that crazy inn had appeared and disappeared so suddenly. The count¡¯s personal ensign waving from the swarm of machines suggested a celebration or homecoming feast at the palace, which always became a town wide party¡­ So there was that as well. All in all, it was a long and thoroughly enjoyable ride for the bike mounted members. Three full Adventure bands and a number of guests wheeled their wooden mounts through the sparse and heavily wooded township¡¯s borders without stopping, riding behind the count¡¯s own banner. They finally came to a stop in a wide and low lying meadow beside a good sized lake, just beyond the boundaries of the town proper. Family and friends staggered off their bikes, gasping sweaty and exhilarated by the long, almost entirely downhill run. The wargs dragged in, tired and worn to the bone from running seven miles behind those damn, fast rolling stick horses. Something about them infuriated the wargs on an instinctive level, driving them on in hot pursuit, despite the pace the horrid things set. Daisybelle staggered off Jasmine¡¯s saddle and sank to the soft, plush lawn of the river side clearing in absolute exhaustion. Her two wargs drank deeply from the river and sank down around her in a soft and furry pile, with their tails draped over the sleepy goblin girl. ¡°Wake me when food is ready, boy¡­¡± She grumbled from deep within the fur. Gandree stepped off his bike with a cocky grin, took two stumbling steps and collapsed face first onto the lawn with a soft moan of despair. A second or two later, Ghnash joined him; both men face down and battered ass up, seeking relief from their smashed grundles. ¡°That¡¯s why I kept yelling at you to stay off the saddle¡­¡± Becky said softly, from so very high above the two collapsed men. ¡°We¡¯ll have the house set up in a jiffy, then we¡¯ll put your butts back together.¡± This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it ¡°We left our pelvises scattered all down the road¡­ Be a dear and go sweep the pieces up for us, please?¡± Gandree whined pitifully. ¡°We will have to get ass transplants.¡± Ghnash grumbled. ¡°I¡¯m a witch doctor, I can tell.¡± Ace leaned against a tree and watched the proceedings with interest. His wooden backside cared nothing for the saddle, it was just as tireless as his puppet legs. ¡°This thing is incredible.¡± He muttered to Wilf, who was busily setting up a drum kit on the wide, riverside meadow below the castle on the hillside. ¡°That¡¯s one of the family treasures¡­ I¡¯m glad you can use it.¡± The sober young man said softly. ¡°I studied every line and inscription, every joint and carving for years¡­ Papa even explained every enchantment and spell worked through it in detail. I still have no Idea how it works.¡± ¡°That¡¯s exactly why I feel weird about just taking it¡­¡± Ace complained weakly. ¡°It wants to be used, that puppet.¡± Ghnash interjected, from his position on the lawn. ¡°The thing desires an occupant, the way a musical instrument calls out to be played. Every day it spends sitting still and silent, when it could be in use, is a small tragedy.¡± The armored figure of the goblin king rolled over and moaned sadly. ¡°This is why I tell you to be silent and accept it.¡± ¡°If I find myself in need of a new puppet body, I¡¯ll make a new one.¡± Gary said firmly, from the middle of their formerly discreet conversation, where he had somehow appeared without warning, despite the significant array of advanced and occult senses sprinkled liberally through the little group. ¡°Ace, that Action Figure? belongs to you now. It¡¯s not even mint-in-box; it has zero collector value. Now shut up while we unpack the house.¡± Ghnash watched from the lawn, with a smug smile on his handsome green face, as his long lost family performed the ritual and brought their home into being, filling the empty patch of grasses and weeds with a vast garden, hotspring and inn complex. Even the family looked out in wonder on the expansive and marvelous, impossible place. Several years before, while on trial in the interdimensional kangaroo court of the gods Order, War and Craft; the young musician finally lost his temper with the gods. Ina foolish and desperate, final act of defiance and violence, Gary had blasted himself away into something far less substantial than vapor, with a highly unstable and super janky homemade sexbomb. He¡¯d been erased from mortal reality in an instant, along with a number of divinities and lesser immortals, leaving not a trace of the packed courtroom or its inhabitants. Only a disturbing and surreal tear in the etheric veil remained at ground zero, softly moaning and wailing into eternity. Through the intercession of a number of friendly divines, Gary¡¯s unbound and formless soul had been shoved back into the living world, into a new mortal body. Most of the gods of the mortal realm were less than enthusiastic, when Beast, Joy and Marduk conspired to return their favored agent to the living realm. The gods spent an unfathomable span of not exactly time in their timeless realm; arguing and debating for endless, suspended moments, until the decision was made. His body was made new and whole, but the soul that slipped inside that sunny afternoon bore shackles, bindings and strictures crafted by the entire pantheon, shutting him away from nearly all magical energies and gifts. Gary returned a cursed and broken thing, barely able to touch the elemental, spiritual and magical forces swelling and surging all around him at all times. The innate magical wellspring in his soul had been strangled by curses placed on him by the pantheon, including by his own unwilling deities. Sprawled across the wide, flat stretch of land beside the river and lake, below the town proper, the home and garden stood tall and defiant once more, as improbable and impossible as ever before. ¡°Guess who¡¯s back¡­ Back again¡­ Shady¡¯s back, tell a friend.¡± He sighed, as he sank to the lawn beside his exhausted and butt broken new friends. A moment later he was snoring softly, passed out in a careless sprawl on the grass. ¡°He really is nuts¡­¡± Ace sighed sadly, looking down on the wacky and unexpected Fool. / Ch: 7 Lilies That Fester Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch: 7 Lilies That Fester In the eternal ether, lost among the endless, ersatz starfields and nebulae of a countless bajillion worlds, waiting to be born, the Necromancer flapped his wings of long dried leather and bones. His massive, skeletal dragon form drifted gracefully to a halt at one of an infinite tangle of tiny fissures in the veil in the ¡®local area¡¯ as such things are considered between worlds. With a shrug of his aura, he became a tiny drake, less than seven yards long, hardly more than a hatchling. He wriggled through the fissure between worlds, into a dim, windswept and narrow fissure in a granite mountain, high above not much at all and far from anything important. The sting of a prime world¡¯s magic began to prickle his aura, even inside the cave and out of direct sun or moonlight. Necro gasped with relief, when he found the linen wrapped packet lying in the middle of the cavern floor, just as Ghnash had promised. He smiled a toothy draconic and ghastly grin, as he slipped back into the void. It was time to collect his passengers. / Ghnash, Dannyl, Barry and Liam were all in the garden, painting drums together, decorating the skins with a precise and intricate symbol, copied from a diagram on an easel that the goblin provided. ¡°One long single stroke, in one single breath¡­ don¡¯t spill the paint, it contains magic and blood, can¡¯t be easily replaced.¡± The goblin was softly chanting, coaching the group through a subtle magic not unlike Gary¡¯s. The Fool¡¯s Entrainment gift could encourage teamworks and synergy, while also improving the mental, physical and spiritual growth his subjects experienced while under his influence or tutelage. Ghnash possessed something more subtle, but more lasting. His touch on willing auras left traces of his own, allowing closer bonds in the group to form, creating a tribe with his prolonged presence, even as he taught his students his arts and magic. Wilf and Rio were thumping away in the corner of the garden, providing a slow, steady backbeat for their new, green uncle, gleefully participating in the slow building ritual witchcraft. Amy flagged count Liam and his party down at the garden gate, when they rode down from the castle for the party. ¡°Hold on for a minute, your lordship, if you please.¡± She called out, wearing her full admiral¡¯s regalia for the occasion. ¡°We have a little spell finishing up at the moment¡­ Let¡¯s see to your mounts while we wait¡­¡± ¡°They aren¡¯t summoning anything¡­unnatural? Are they?¡± The count asked softly, a faint light of concern in his eyes. ¡°No, we¡¯re just setting up for a meeting.¡± She answered with a smile, while gathering the reins of the count¡¯s party. ¡°Some of the participants can¡¯t attend in person, so we are making accommodations.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not tonight¡­ right?¡± He asked nervously. ¡°Some of my attendants and vassals are new and haven¡¯t been¡­ exposed to the¡­¡± He waved his hands around expressively, taking in the whole place. ¡°I was promised tonight would be ¡®A Soft Landing¡¯ and ¡®On Training Wheels¡¯.¡± The count complained sourly, as the art squad chanted incomprehensible words in unison, flourishing their brushes with a triumphant shout. I have a friend in town, he''s heard your name, We can go out driving on Slow Hand Row¡­ ¡°These are spirit drums¡­ They need to cure in the moonlight and be struck as the first light of dawn strikes them, then they need to attune for at least a full day¡­ so no.¡± She answered sweetly, with a tart smile on her pretty face. ¡°Tonight will be just a family gathering, my lord.¡± While she annoyed her uncle, the strange, musical art ritual carried on in the garden behind her. We could stay inside and play games, I don''t know, And you could have a change of heart¡­ Rikki, don''t lose that number! You don''t wanna call nobody else, Send it off in a letter to yourself! ¡°If your lordship and his party would please remain here for a moment, I will return presently¡­¡± The smiling lass continued, digging the honorifics in deeper. ¡°Amy, drop the ¡®my lord¡¯ this instant, or I¡¯ll tell Becky.¡± The count replied calmly. ¡°You started it, uncle Lima Bean.¡± She sassed, before dashing off with their horses¡­ a feat which should have been impossible. One small, teenage girl in fancy pirate attire darted away with twenty horses held by the reins, all following obediently, prancing along in very close cadence and formation. The thudding of hooves on the lawn joined the music as the horses vanished, leaving the count¡¯s party standing at the gate, alone. As she led their mounts away and out of sight, she cheerily sang out to the herd. ¡°We have a whole buffet set up, try the local wild oat and pear salad, Annie says it¡¯s her favorite¡­¡± ¡°Wait, so we have to wait here, but the horses can go in?¡± Lord Argent Douche¡¯, marshal of Foresthome and the count¡¯s second in command demanded sharply. ¡°Remember who we are dealing with Argie¡­¡± Liam warned his military commander. ¡°And remember that he¡¯s been crippled for years now and is now coming back into his powers. We should expect some silliness and oddities.¡± ¡°They are singing a song about numbers, led by what looks like the most handsome goblin I¡¯ve ever seen¡­ A goblin man in clothing?¡± The lord mopped his brow with a bright blue, checked flannel cloth and sighed wearily. ¡°My wife wanted to attend but I firmly denied her request. I see now how wise I truly was¡­¡± He murmured, as a goblin girl twirled by, dancing with wild abandon, arm in arm with a wooden, man sized, blue puppet that had no face. ¡°Argie, I sent an invitation to your wife as we were leaving¡­¡± Liam muttered quietly to the older man. ¡°My wife told me to¡­¡± ¡°My lord! You know how Lucy gets around the occult¡­¡± The older man complained weakly, seeming to deflate inside his coat of scarlet wool, embroidered with intricate scrollwork by that good woman herself. He fingered the stitchcraft at his cuffs and sighed fondly. ¡°So be it, my lord.¡± ¡°How long do you think they¡¯ll leave us waitin¡¯ milord?¡± Mallus, the captain of the count¡¯s guard asked with a grin on his ugly and battered face. ¡°If I hadn¡¯t ridden up like a lord, we¡¯d be inside already, I think.¡± Liam admitted, a little embarrassed by the awkward weirdness of it. ¡°The art project finished a few minutes ago.¡± As if summoned by magic, and she probably was, Kree the Fool¡¯s sugar wasp familiar buzzed over and spun a few lazy loops in the air. ¡°Follow me, humans! The party is about to begin!¡± / Down in the workshop, the Garies gathered in a huddle, all together, nearly crackling with nervous energy. As a result, Becky was stuck sitting on the workshop stairs, supervising them, to make sure they didn¡¯t accidentally¡­ Well, anything could happen, really. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°Ok, guys¡­¡± Ward said with a grin. ¡°We¡¯re a bunch of socially awkward losers and nerds¡­ And Shai says we can¡¯t bust out a jam sesh tonight, because she doesn¡¯t want any eldritch events popping off while she has guests.¡± A collective moan came up from the group, weirdly harmonized and oddly reverberant, as so many of the same voices breathed the same note into the living atmosphere of the workshop. Soft sparks of pale blue light began sparkling in the deepest shadows of the workshop, resolving into a legion of tiny, glowing animals, insects, birds and fish. The vast horde of critters swept out into the light; all crawling, swimming, flying or scuttling for the bright lanterns hung from the rafters, where they vanished without any further effect. ¡°She has a point, guys. We can bust loose in the sunshine tomorrow.¡± Ward promised the group. ¡°Start thinking about what comes next and just relax. Some of us have been out of the loop for a while; so let¡¯s just ease up into the happening and spread out, really naturally.¡± ¡°Uh, what?¡± Gary asked, bleary and red eyed, as he passed the pipe to Ghnash. ¡°We¡¯re cool, man. Super cool. We¡¯ll just hang out down here and talk¡­ who¡¯s got snacks?¡± ¡°You have snacks, Gary¡­ And no we are not going to hide in the basement and hickory smoke our brains, while the family has a party upstairs¡­¡± Becky grumbled, snatching the pipe away from her doofy, herb-addled brothers. ¡°Potheads! The lot of you! Always have been!¡± ¡°Aww!¡± They all sighed weakly, as the room developed an infestation of fluttering, glowing green moths, drifting from the lanterns into the shadows. ¡°Nope! Not happening, boys! Upstairs, now!¡± They all ambled up the steps into the common room. The sullen mob emerged into the space, grumbling about how ¡®Girls Are Mean!¡¯ and ¡®No Fair!¡¯ popping off occasionally. Becky drove the whole weird of Garies out into the garden¡­ She¡¯d secretly decided that was the only fitting term for a group of them; a weird of Garies¡­ like a gaggle of geese, a congress of owls or a sparkle of unicorns. ¡°Go on you jabbering monkeys. Shai¡¯s rules; no more than two of you can join any song¡­ and no magic!¡± She scolded them merrily as they scattered into the house and yard. ¡°Nothing but trouble, the lot of them.¡± She sighed through a fond smile. / Hermit felt it arrive, thrumming in his web array, strung high up in the trees where he could monitor the humanoids in the valley below without causing a panic. It was certain, down in that valley, beside the lake, someone was making magic that sang in the same registers as the goblin king¡¯s¡­ but it was certainly not Ghnash. The goblin¡¯s spells drifted and entangled the senses like mist among the trees, gentle and deceptive. His magic enticed and seduced. This spell spread out and reshaped reality to the mage¡¯s will, imprinting his desires on the world with casual ease. Sunlight, shadows and the natural life forces all around, conspired to make things occur in ways subtle and surprising. The energies and craft involved in transforming the stony, low lying and scrubby little wedge of land where the river entered the lake at the feet of the mountains into a whimsical paradise were beyond easy description. Shifty, shady, elusive and largely mysterious, the workings themselves felt furtive and sneaky. Even though he couldn¡¯t see the events directly, Hermit felt it happen from his nest on an east facing cliffside. After more than three hundred years in isolation, perfecting his crafts and arts, his web sensory array was a marvel. The complex magical working was able to detect subtle variations in the atmosphere and in the magical emanations and radiations swirling around the little town. There was a lot of it around, too. Suspiciously so, in a world with a magical density rating of class ¡®D¡¯. Worlds in the middle of D rank like this one were suitable for most sapient life forms, but the relatively low magical density relegated them to the fourth, or even third tier among those who travel the void. On such a world, magical development would be severely stunted, without outside assistance, such intervention usually took the form of spiritual or divine bonds on most healthy worlds. This one had a robust etheric veil with some unique laws and innate restrictions, so Hermit suspected this world had a pantheon of some sort. He dug a little deeper into the soft, musical thrum of his complicated web structure, feeling for the higher registers. ¡°Fey magic?¡± He murmured softly, as his web blossomed with sudden and sweetly choral music, sung softly in the unique frequencies of the fairy kin. ¡°Fey magic indeed!¡± A tiny, sweetly piping voice sang from his web. ¡°I¡¯m Mariah, you must be uncle Hermit¡­¡± Sprawled neatly in his web, sat a tiny girl with flaming red hair and glorious moth wings that might be autumn leaves at the height of their color, or blazing embers from a forest fire. ¡°Uncle Ward sent me to get you, cause he says you¡¯re shy and too much of a nerd to come to the party by yourself.¡± She smiled sweetly at the gigantic jumping spider and nodded. ¡°I¡¯m your date! Isn¡¯t that fun?¡± He fumbled in the spidersilk satchel hidden behind his legs, searching for his voice, a musical instrument crafted of hides, bones and silk. Only with the device, could he approximate humanoid speech. ¡°I speak spider¡­ as do many of the guests at the party. Don¡¯t worry, you will be hanging out in the vip room, we don¡¯t want a panic among the normies.¡± The cheerful little pixie chattered at him, as she freed herself from his web with effortless grace. ¡°Who are you, little pixie? Your kind seldom appear before me.¡± He danced at the creature, swaying his abdomen in non-threatening ways. ¡°I¡¯m Mariah, dryad of the Wildfire Plum grove!¡± She sang happily. ¡°I¡¯m barely a month old!¡± She grinned down at the gigantic spider and flitted around in a spiral. ¡°Let¡¯s go before the horsies eat all the sugar cubes!¡± Helpless before his raging curiosity, Hermit followed the flitting, fluttering ember through the sunlit woods, dashing across fields and over pastures unnoticed. ¡°All the people are in the village for the party¡­¡± She chirped merrily. ¡°Nobody will see us, and even if we do get seen¡­¡± She grinned wickedly, flying backwards for a moment to address him directly. ¡°I¡¯ll put a glamor on them, one that¡¯ll make ¡®em so drunk they¡¯ll be seeing all kinds of stuff.¡± ¡°Slow down, little sprite¡­¡± The gigantic spider murmured with a quick softshoe shuffle. ¡°My name¡¯s Mariah, and I¡¯m the dryad of the Wildfire Plum grove, bug boy. Now follow me, or I¡¯ll send uncle Gary out with a rolled up newspaper!¡± / When the tiny, flaming moth winged girl in a sunflower printed sundress fluttered away toward the distant lakeshore, trailing sweet scented smoke and ephemeral, illusory embers in her wake sassed The gigantic spider, it took it in stride. Being gently bullied by the tiny, absurdly confident little creature was amusing and adorable. ¡®And she called me uncle¡­¡¯ That gave him feels in some ways he¡¯d forgotten he could even feel, after so long, spent almost entirely alone. When she stopped and threatened to have him swatted with ¡®a rolled up newspaper¡¯, it kinda took him out at the knees. That¡¯s an extra distressing sensation for a spider, they have way more knees to get taken out. For some reason, when the little critter made her silly threat, the gravity of the situation crashed down on the being like a ton of bricks. ¡°Your uncle Gary¡­ are you taking me to him?¡± He asked gently, when she glanced back for a moment. ¡°Oh yeah, he¡¯s there, along with the others. My papa says more of you are coming too, that¡¯s weird, but hey, I¡¯m an immortal, multifarious, non localized, pandimensional magical being¡­¡± She shrugged sweetly and twirled her skirts at him with a girlish giggle and smile. ¡°Now come along, a bunch of you are waiting for you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve met several of the others before, little one. Tell me about your uncle Gary.¡± Hermit urged her gently, since she had decided to fly backwards, to keep up the conversation on the move. Somehow, she managed to navigate the woodlands without watching where she was headed, infallibly avoiding any obstruction with deft and graceful maneuvers. ¡°Uncle Gary is¡­¡± She gave another adorable little shrug and twirled her skirts again. ¡°You¡¯ll understand soon.¡± The flickering, fluttering little bug maiden led Hermit through the woodlands, around the more populated areas and across a narrow span of the river, which the agile jumping spider leapt. Scores of humans and other beings were moving in and out of the tall, strange and extravagant garden inn that now loomed over the formerly dismal patch of rocky ground and shallow soil. Mature trees and shrubs graced the broad lawns, among flower beds, herb and vegetable patches. A hotspring bath straight out of a Japanese cartoon steamed improbably beside the cool mountain lake, while a cluster of smaller buildings were scattered around the peaked, red tile roofed inn. Many people were moving about in the garden, enjoying some kind of celebration. Mariah and the arachnid observed the festivities from the thick, dark woods on the edge of the compound for a few seconds, before she silently indicated that he should discreetly enter the open basement door of a smaller, red roofed inn; one much like the main building in design. The fluffy white spider being slipped inside, unobserved, thanks to high hedges and thick woodlands behind the inn compound. In the dark, quiet interior, he felt much more relaxed and far less exposed, even if it was a stranger¡¯s house¡­ it felt deeply welcoming though. The whole place seemed to embrace Hermit with a warm and deeply hospitable aura of peace. It felt like a home¡­ And what a home! Like Ghnash¡¯s place, the basement was a vast workshop and laboratory, filled with an assortment of tools, both familiar and arcane. He felt that old familiar longing burn, deep inside; the desire to craft objects with human hands again. It struck him often, when visiting the goblin king¡¯s home. Hermit spent a few seconds gazing at the workshop and admiring the partially completed projects on the benches and caught in clamps. There were musical instruments around; a guitar and a few drums laid out awaiting assembly and a banjo shaping up on one workbench. Someone was building a complex crossbow of some kind in another corner of the workspace, while a short hafted ax sat in a clamp awaiting the file on another bench. ¡°There you are, brother.¡± A warm and very familiar voice spoke from directly behind him, startling the arachnid from his revery with a jolt. ¡°Nice to meet you in the flesh, I¡¯m Ward, the guy you clowns have been calling ¡®Borrowed Snake¡¯...¡± He frowned in deep dissatisfaction for some reason, before continuing on. ¡°Just call me Ward, alright Hermit?¡± It never failed to disturb Hermit, seeing his own human face stretched over a person who was not, but could have been¡­ This guy took the uncanny valley and made it a yawning gulf filled with alien stars. Gary¡¯s own former mug was too handsome to be real, in the idealized, fuzzy filter romance movie star kinda way, paired with a smile that was too even, wide and bright to be anything natural or mortal. ¡°What you are feeling is very normal¡­ I¡¯m Ward, the local god of death, vengeance and the dryad of the Golden Fig Grove¡­ I¡¯m pretty spooky, spider bro.¡± ¡°Wait, you claim to be a cod?!¡± Hermit demanded, so upset and confused that he tripped over his own feet and stumbled for a moment. ¡°Yup, I¡¯m a cod, want me to show you a mackerel? Should I feed the masses with fish and chips?¡± He chuckled and grinned like a huge asshole, confirming that this dude was definitely one of the family. While the weirdly too handsome version of Gary was chuckling over being asked if he thought he was a fish, Hermit desperately tried to recover from the spider equivalent of biting his own tongue while talking. ¡°Seriously¡­¡± The spider muttered in a neat cross step that rattled on the flagstone floor in a tidy drumroll. ¡°That¡¯s a wild claim.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m one of the local gods¡­ don¡¯t make a big deal about it.¡± He sighed after a few more seconds of abusing me with puns and fish jokes. ¡°Both you and that little pixie both identify yourselves as ¡®dryads¡¯... what¡¯s the deal?¡± He was just grasping at loose thread now, hoping to find anything he could cling to. ¡°Yes, I¡¯m a divine being. I am the essence of every golden fig tree on every world in every universe¡­ and there are a ton of them out there. I am simultaneously each and every one of them, in every instance of reality where they exist.¡± He grinned and chuckled again. ¡°It¡¯s pretty complicated, I suppose. Mariah is my daughter, did she tell you she¡¯s barely a month old?¡± He smiled, though this one was an honest and proud expression of deep joy. ¡°The family is about to get a lot bigger, Hermit¡­ And if you believe it, we¡¯re getting even weirder.¡± / Ch 8 Thank You, For Lettin’ Me Be Mice Elf Book 3: Sound And Fury Ch 8 Thank You, For Lettin¡¯ Me Be Mice Elf In the basement workshop of a sturdy little stone built-house between the river, the mountains and a wide spreading lake, just across a rough timber bridge from a prosperous little mountain town Hermit waited. ¡°The others will be right down, uncle! I¡¯m going to the party!¡± Mariah gasped, almost too swiftly to be understood. His fluttering, flaming guide zipped away, darting through the rafters and up the stairs into the living space in a flash of smoke and embers. Her drifting, butterfly flight pattern abandoned, now that her mission had been completed. ¡°Ivy made super spicy chili-pepper rock candy! Can¡¯t miss out on that!¡± He hopped and skittered anxiously in the cool, quiet darkness¡­ alone. Only a single dim lantern glowed in the corner near the stairs, casting long, still shadows all around. As silence descended on the dim, basement workshop, he amused himself by perusing the tools and items scattered around. Without hands, most ¡®hand tools¡¯ were completely inaccessible¡­ The gigantic spider entity switched on the sanding station with a hairy forelimb, out of idle curiosity and nearly lept out of his carapace at the shrill, mechanical whir. Objectively, the machine was pretty quiet, for a complex system of belts, pulleys and idlers, attached to an eldritch, magical motor of some kind. The high pitched cry of the engine and belts, combined with the monotonous sustain of the noise sent his nervous system into spastic and shuddering agony. He swatted the power switch and gasped, as silence fell again. ¡°Yes, brother¡­ you will be unable to use, or even tolerate these machines and tools.¡± Ghnash muttered crossly, from a patch of deep shadows at the top of the stairs. ¡°I am also unable to use most of them.¡± He sighed sadly as his silhouette gazed at the woodworking tools scattered around. ¡°Neither of our races have unlocked the use of metal tools or all of the seven simple machines.¡± ¡°Stupid Akashic Record¡­¡± Hermit grumbled in a slow and angry shuffle step. ¡°Yeah, I hate being locked out of advanced tool use and metal craft.¡± Ghnash Whar¡¯rgh, the goblin king grumbled irritably at his arachnid brother, as he stepped down into the dim light of the workshop. ¡°That¡¯s a problem for another day. For now, we have a big big meeting of the family tomorrow¡­ You should eat and rest, since the humans are going to be awake most of the night.¡± ¡°Eat? I¡¯m really hungry, Ghnash¡­¡± Hermit mumbled, suddenly remembering the empty feeling inside himself. ¡°There¡¯s not much in this valley¡­ There was one juicy dragonfly¡­¡± A single drop of silvery venom dripped from his mandibles at the memory of that sweet, jewel toned morsel. ¡°Uh¡­ Sorry, Ghnash.¡± He mumbled, eying the small, smoking divot in one of the flagstones of the floor, where his venom had dissolved a shallow hole in the smooth slate. ¡°Wilf will forgive you; he is a good good boy, for a human.¡± The small, hidden figure mumbled happily. The hidden goblin tossed a furry, goat horned primate out onto the floor, where it landed with a meaty thud and lay still. ¡°Fresh mongoat, brother! My Daisybelle strangled it on Ace¡¯s world just for you! Keeps it nice and juicy!¡± ¡°A mongoat? How? Wait, how are you even here?¡± Hermit demanded, halfway through the process of cocooning the wretchedly delicious little monster. ¡°How did you actually manage to leave your realm?¡± ¡°I found him, brother¡­ I¡¯ve found the Fool!¡± The goblin man crowed happily. ¡°And changes are coming.¡± As he spoke, Ghnash stepped out into the wan and pale light of the single lamp. In height, he barely came to the giant spider¡¯s knees, his muscular body, green tinged skin and long, messy dark hair were familiar, but his face¡­ Ghnash¡¯s lips no longer showed the long, ragged and bleeding slashes his sharp fangs usually ripped in them. Likewise, his warty, long and oft broken nose was much smaller and less obtrusive, while still remaining plainly goblinoid. Somehow the goblin was¡­ handsome. ¡°Ghnash has found that breaker of curses and crafter of wonders, brother.¡± The goblin remarked with smug satisfaction on his even, chiseled features. ¡°And so much more besides¡­¡± ¡°Really?¡± Hermit demanded, eyeing his transfigured brother with awe and astonishment. ¡°Really.¡± The green man answered succinctly, cutting off all doubts and second guesses as swiftly as an obsidian blade. ¡°I have not told Necro, nor the friends I have found here of our mission. We should be circumspect and handle this with delicacy.¡± ¡°You¡¯re sure¡­?¡± Hermit asked softly, ignoring the frustrated hiff his brother delivered at the question. ¡°I¡¯ve found the Fool, brother. He¡¯s in this house. It is certain.¡± Ghnash grunted eagerly, his arms spread wide for a hug. ¡°Now bring it in, Jumpy.¡± The spider and the goblin embraced on the shadowed workshop floor, among the tools neither could really touch or utilize, bouncing and hopping together in childlike glee. / Night was just falling, bringing Goblin Town to life, deep in the forest. The busy throng of people parted instinctively, as the tall, gaunt and pale human in close fitting black clothes strolled up to the king¡¯s castle, above town and knocked on the door. ¡°It¡¯s time, come along.¡± He called into the foyer, as he entered a moment later. His four brothers appeared within a few seconds, emerging from the king¡¯s workshop below the main floor. Five men of identical height donned dark, hooded cloaks in the entrance, concealing five variations of the same face. Each visage was stamped with scars, cares, time and weather in different ways, but still plainly pressed from the same mold. Their bodies were likewise similar, thicker, thinner, more or less muscular, yet the similarities were too obvious to miss. ¡°L-lord Necromancer¡­¡± A small, soft, feminine voice called out from the main room. ¡°May I ask a boon¡­¡± Soon, five tall, cloaked figures and one much shorter form walked up the long trail to the high and forbidding plateau above the forested valley floor. There, among the ruined and overgrown streets of a long forgotten necropolis, the Necromancer led them down into the gaping maw of a mostly collapsed mausoleum, its partially fallen roof still sheltered a broken marble doorway, the stone portals split and lying on either side of the entry into the stygian darkness below. The rupture portal in the floor led to a long flight of stairs, descending into a vast ossuary complex, filled to bursting with human and humanoid bones. ¡°Hold close to me and Sabrina, please keep your eyes tightly closed for the entire trip. We shall be traveling through places where the living are largely unwelcome and you might see things that will distress you.¡± He whispered to the slim goblin woman who held his hand in a terrified grip. ¡°With me, you are perfectly safe.¡± The men and their frightened, but determined guest all leapt together into a crack in the stone floor that had been filled to the brim with a mad jumble of loose bones and skulls. They plunged in, vanishing among the mortal remains as if diving into still waters, leaving only a brief and faint ripple in the endless river of bones. / Fireworks shattered the stillness of early evening, raining smoke, sparkling lights and thunder down on the formerly quiet town, as music swelled in the wide parkland between the inn and the town proper. Most of the festivities took place there, across the bridge from the inn and compound of strangers that had sprouted up and then just as mysteriously vanished and reappeared again, over the last few weeks. The long tables of food and drink, the music and festivities in the park flowed from the castle gates, borne by the count¡¯s servants, who executed their duties, then joined the throng of celebrants, presided over by the golden gaze of lady Tawny and her husband, count Liam Kinnis. The people cheerfully indulged, celebrating the return of the young lord and the news of his successful mission. Most of the food and drink came from the suspicious inn, summoned to the castle larders and pantries by the count; through his mysterious connection to the compound across the river. That connection remained a well guarded secret¡­ Many of the locals still viewed the place and its odd and quirky residents with suspicion¡­ And even a little fear, though they were coming around slowly. ¡°You should go join the Wards¡­¡± Tawny murmured in Liam¡¯s ear, while their people swirled and danced in the park, buoyed by the music thundering from the inn. ¡°I can¡¯t cross the bridge. Lady Dana still refuses to let any of her worshippers enter his house¡­ but you can.¡± ¡°Shush, darling. I¡¯ll be celebrating with my wife tonight¡­¡± He whispered back, while taking a nibble of her throat. ¡°And we will see what can be done to include you tomorrow.¡± With that, he took her hand and dragged his wife onto the short cropped lawn that was serving as a dance floor for the evening¡¯s revels. The music, dancing, fireworks and celebrations carried on until long after the moons sailed into the heavens, casting their shared radiance over a town that was slowly winding down into a pleasantly exhausted state. Unseen by the raucous celebrants, several shadowy forms slipped down the long road from the plateau above the castle, a small knot of sly and sneaking beings, dressed in dark clothing and slinking in the shadows. At the edge of the party, the group paused, concealed among the trees, as one member peeled away. ¡°Don¡¯t wait for me¡­ I¡¯m just gonna slip out and check the party. For security reasons¡­¡± The Star lied poorly and often, telling obvious fibs with devilish and carefree confidence. Somehow that worked for him, allowing him to conceal the truth behind fabulations and fabrications that were too patently false to be taken seriously. In an instant, the man shucked his drab cloak and hood, before strolling off into the crowd and vanishing. The tall, handsome and muscular man dressed in a long coat of billowing scarlet and a ruffled shirt of snowy white silk disappeared among the drab clothed citizens without creating a rustle or a stir of any kind. The crowd of roughspun and homey folks swallowed him up entirely, as though he were a local boy, whose presence was expected. ¡°And there he goes¡­¡± Wheel of Fortune muttered in tones of overblown grief and woe, as he passed Judgment a single iron bit. ¡°It was a foolish wager. I only agreed, in order to make the lesson plain to you.¡± The dour faced man grumbled darkly, as he pressed the small coin back into his cheerfully smiling brother¡¯s hand. ¡°Gambling is not something I am comfortable with.¡± He grumbled at his silly brother. ¡°Take a chance now and then, Judgie. It feels good, even if it turns out to be a losing bet.¡± Wheel urged the man, as his quick, nimble hands deftly stole away Judgement¡¯s cloak. Wheel danced away with the enshrouding, drab garment and slipped it out of sight with a twist of his hands. This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. ¡°Wheel! We are supposed to remain inconspicuous!¡± Judgment whispered at his gadfly brother. The drab, homespun clothing revealed by the cheerful man¡¯s antics made the scowling man¡¯s plain gray cloak and hood seem extravagant in comparison. ¡°I always hate sneaking about!¡± With that, Wheel of Fortune doffed his own concealing cloak, revealing his patchwork motley. Wheel wore billowing robes of extravagant colors and wild patterns, stitched expertly from swatches gleaned from every world he¡¯d traveled. ¡°I¡¯ll be there later, I need to check the¡­ uh¡­ Keep an eye on Star¡­ Yeah, that¡¯s it!¡± A deck of oversized tarot cards flew in a stream of fast moving pasteboard from one hand to the other as he walked into the steadily growing festival. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll do a few readings¡­ for serious reasons¡­¡± He continued blathering excuses, even as he vanished in the throng, following the man in red. ¡°They¡¯ll be fine¡­¡± Necro scolded Judgement, he still held the hand of the smallest figure in the group, as they strolled toward the rough hewn bridge leading to the inn compound. ¡°Come along, they can take care of themselves, we should make our presence known at least¡­ and settle our guest at the inn.¡± Three figures, two tall and one small, slipped across the bridge and disappeared into the inn, unnoticed amidst the chaos, darkness and flashing fireworks in the sky above the lake. / Three cloaked figures stepped into the foyer of the inn beside the lake, drawing every eye in the common room, kitchen and open patio in an instant. ¡°Oh¡­ shit¡­¡± Becky muttered in amazement, as two Garies and a slim, beautiful goblin woman stepped into fluffy bunny slippers and looked into the crowd, seeking any familiar faces. ¡°You really look just like him¡­ but not at all!¡± Becky stammered awkwardly, as two vastly different versions of a very familiar face scanned the room. ¡°Amazing¡­!¡± The lean, pallid, well dressed Gary in black held up a hand to forestall the stout, unsmiling Gary dressed in drab, if well made clothes of gray. ¡°Excuse us, but has anyone seen Ghnash, or any of the other Garies?¡± The Necromancer asked calmly, his pale and gaunt face tightening into a grinning skull mask in his best attempt at a friendly smile. It was more of a waxen death rictus, or grimace of mortal agony, but he tried. ¡°We¡¯d like to check in.¡± Becky waved to the gathered friends and called out loudly: ¡°I¡¯ll handle this¡­¡± Despite the deep nervousness displayed on her usually chipper face. ¡°I¡¯m Becky Ward¡­ Gary and Shai are out by the lake with the kids right now, playing with fireworks, but I can take you to Ghnash.¡± ¡°Becky Ward?¡± Judgment asked sharply. ¡°I¡¯m his sister¡­ and you are?¡± She answered in a slow and very deliberate way. ¡°My apologies, high priestess Becky. We met briefly, under difficult circumstances, I am the Necromancer, please, call me Necro. With me are Judgement and her royal highness, lady Sabrina, queen of the goblins.¡± He gave an elegant, well practiced bow and tried again to smile. ¡°Judgement, sister Becky is the high priestess of the local god of Knowledge¡­¡± That perked the unsmiling and stern Gary right up, almost bringing the faded and dismal ghost of a long forgotten smile to his face. ¡°High priestess Becky, I am pleased to meet you.¡± The drab clad Gray announced in a voice far deeper and less musical than her brother¡¯s. ¡°Sorry, Judgment is really impressed by titles and such¡­¡± Necro muttered quietly, as if his companions couldn¡¯t hear. ¡°I should have had you meet him in those impressive robes you wore in battle.¡± Becky curtseyed at the three, dipping her flamboyant, flame colored skirts at them with a radiant smile. When she arose, her gaze was fixed on the nervous looking goblin woman wearing a crown of braided blackthorn twigs, ornamented with small gems and mother of pearl. ¡°Your majesty, my apologies as well. All of the Garies seem to struggle with the social niceties.¡± She took the woman¡¯s slim, green hand in hers of dusky brown and bowed again, gently drawing the goblin queen into a sisterly embrace. ¡°Be welcome in our home, lady Sabrina.¡± The slender, buxom goblin woman almost sagged against Becky, once she was wrapped in her arms. ¡°So many giants¡­ all around.¡± Sabrina whispered, in the embrace of a woman only slightly taller than herself. ¡°I know, honey¡­ they are all awfully huge, aren¡¯t they? Ghnash is such a breath of fresh air!¡± Becky commiserated, as Ivy rushed over to join the vertically challenged embrace. / Out by the shore, Amy paused her firestarter spell, a moment before touching off her last mortar of the evening. ¡°I feel like I¡¯m missing out on something¡­¡± She muttered crossly, before finishing her cantrip and firing a ball of alchemical¡­ stuff into the sky above the lake in a rush of smoke and flames. / The small dusky priestess led the suddenly compliant Judgment and his two companions out into the garden, and across a long stone footpath to a smaller inn on the utter point of the little peninsula the compound stood on, jutting between the lake and river mouth. High above them, a tremendous explosion detonated; showering sparks, glowing smoke and flaming illusory moths across the night sky. ¡°Oh! Pretty!¡± Sabrina gasped, breathless and stunned by the spectacle and excitement, she hugged closer to Becky and gazed up at the sparkling, radiant display of arcane spells, alchemical pyrotechnics and magical fuckery. Another barrage of smaller explosions rang out over the lake, as more and more of the colorful, flaming miracles blossomed in the still, warm night. ¡°What sorceries are these, sister Becky?¡± ¡°My Gary is teaching Ghash how to make those fireworks, Sabbie.¡± Becky whispered into the queen¡¯s long, pointed ear. ¡°It¡¯s a secret family recipe.¡± In a few moments, Becky had the three following her to a structure on the compound, alone on a quiet point surrounded by water on three sides. The smaller inn was much like the main building, reduced in scale and less ostentatiously decorated. Inside, they found a similar foyer and arrangement and a far stranger group in the common room. A giant spider, a goblin and a blue, man sized, faceless puppet were seated around the fireplace, playing an old song from another world. The Archies surely wouldn¡¯t mind¡­ Sugar, sugar, Oh, honey, honey¡­ You are my candy girl And you got me wanting you! At her first glimpse of the handsome green man leading the trio on one of Gary¡¯s odd, primitive, bone fretted and wooden peg tuned guitars. Sabrina broke from the group and hurled herself into the goblin king¡¯s lap with a joyful squeal of delight. He barely had time to vanish his instrument, lest it be damaged by the flying goblin lady. ¡°Hey!¡± Becky called, as he entered the house. ¡°I told you Shai¡¯s rules!¡± Ghnash jumped in his seat, nearly dislodging his clingy wife. He glanced around looking spooked and a little nervous, suddenly. His dark, keen eyes scanned the room, searching for the violation of the house rules and found no obvious problems. He turned back and shrugged at his accuser. ¡°Nub gruk!¡± He grunted in a refined Upland Gobbo accent. She fixed her glare on the trio and their instruments, shaking her head in cold judgement. ¡°I warned you. No shenanigans tonight!¡± ¡°Nub nub, just an old song, stolen from a band that never really existed, even on our world.¡± Ghnash stammered, waving his hands in denial. ¡°See? All mundane and safe!¡± ¡°Really?¡± She snapped harshly. ¡°Hermit, you¡¯re new here and we¡¯ve not been properly introduced¡­¡± She took a deep, calming breath. ¡°If you don¡¯t put that enchanted harp away this instant¡­¡± At her accusation, the horse-sized spider dropped its instrument of bones, spider-silk, hide and sinew to the rug with a dry rustle of carapace and fur. A moment later he reached out in instinct to pick it back up and halted halfway there. ¡°Hermit can¡¯t speak human sounds without his haunted lyre¡­¡± Ghnash explained weakly, with Sabrina clasped close to his torso like a sexy green lamprey. ¡°He also can¡¯t manipulate or play other instruments, for the same reason Daisybelle and I can¡¯t use metal knives and I can¡¯t play most of the instruments in this house¡­¡± He produced his borrowed guitar from his tautly rounded, goblin backside and held it up, displaying its lack of metal parts and primitive, natural materials. ¡°Oh, I see¡­¡± The priestess muttered sourly, still glaring at the colossal spider; who had backed halfway up the wall and was trying to hide among the rafters and beams. ¡°Come down Hermit, I understand, now.¡± She said softly, after a moment. ¡°I also speak spider, as do many of our residents, so be at ease. I will explain the issue to your hosts, feel free to use your voice in this home¡­¡± She fixed one of her eyes on his eight and stared deeply into his soul. ¡°Please do not attempt any influence charms, or spells of suggestion in this house. Mental manipulation spells are forbidden here.¡± The gigantic white arachnid shivered in its colorfully tufted carapace and bowed deeply. ¡°I will eschew all such magics in your house, lady Becky.¡± He danced in a subtle softshoe and a little electric slide. ¡°Splendid! Tonight, I¡¯m afraid we have many people on the grounds who are¡­ uninitiated.¡± Becky smiled sadly at the small gathering of exotic beings. ¡°We would prefer to not have a panic break out, so I must ask you all to¡­ Refrain from revealing your presence.¡± She blushed a deep purple and shifted in her sandals uncomfortably. ¡°I really hate to ask.¡± ¡°We will remain here¡­ We have much to discuss and some of us have never met in person before.¡± Hermit whispered, through his odd and macabre lyre of animal parts and silken threads. ¡°Thank you! We, the Ward clan will make this outrageous imposition and frightfully rude breach of hospitality up to you.¡± She announced, before turning her attention back to the others. ¡°As for you gentlemen¡­ Necro and Judgement, please feel free to roam the house, grounds and town¡­ Enjoy the feast; though I must ask that you refrain from causing any disturbances.¡± Becky¡¯s glance was firm and a little sharp edged, until the pair nodded together, as if one Will moved both men. ¡°We will remain here. I sense one of us inside that blue doll body¡­ The Lovers, perhaps?¡± Necro murmured warmly at the lanky blue creature built of haunted plum wood and monster based lacquer. ¡°Call me Ace.¡± The faceless puppet demanded, in his slightly mechanical sounding voice. She nodded in satisfaction, when the two absurdly similar beings she¡¯d led inside selected instruments from Wilf¡¯s collection and joined the jam sesh. ¡°Be good, Garies¡­ don¡¯t do anything occult.¡± The priestess warned, as she departed. ¡°What an unusual human¡­¡± Hermit muttered in amazement at the force of nature that had just swept out of the little inn by the waterside. / ¡°Joy¡¯s mask¡­ I win again, boys!¡± Wheel announced with glee, as he scooped the small pile of iron coins and wooden tokens to himself with a giggle. The two cubes of carved monster bone showed a single black pip on each face, a winning throw in the game that the locals just called ¡®dice¡¯. Wheel had learnt the rules and mastered the game in about six seconds¡­ Then he began cheating in the most improbable and dramatic ways; winning and losing heaps of the local currency and barter tokens with stunning regularity. He would scrape the local gamblers for every shaved bit they had, in a few quick and wildly exciting throws, then lose the horde again on another quick run of ¡®terrible luck¡¯. Wheel was still giggling over his harmless flim-flam, as his new gambling buddies drifted away, each one convinced that he¡¯d fleeced the new guy thoroughly. None of the grinning, laughing gamblers realized until later, that each of them had departed the game with almost the exact amount of coin and tokens they¡¯d joined with. ¡°That¡¯s enough, Wheel. Time to check in at your hotel.¡± A familiar, unfamiliar voice spoke from the shadows of a fig tree, one of several in the square. ¡°I¡¯m reluctant to obey mysterious voices from the darkness¡­ even if we are related.¡± He answered calmly, as he produced a short wand of polished bone, ivory and silver from his robes. A single spark of darkly violet energy gleamed at the tip of his wand, shimmering wetly in the moonlight. ¡°Step into the light, brother.¡± The cheerful, slightly stout and smiling man in colorful robes became in an instant, a wary and dangerous foe. ¡°Careful, brother¡­ A spell like that could do real harm, if wielded carelessly.¡± The tall, black clad and absurdly handsome version of his own face and form that stepped from the concealing darkness did little to relax the man holding a slowly sparking wand. ¡°All the more reason to leave me to my own affairs¡­¡± He answered glibly. In a flash too swift to be seen with mortal eyes, the black clad man had his twin snatched up by the collar of his fancy robes and the wand neatly tucked away. ¡°Your invitation presupposes that you will check in, once you arrive. Instead, I find that two of you are loose in this little town¡­¡± Ward sighed gustily at the man in his grasp. ¡°I am such a troublesome rascal, aren¡¯t I?¡± He mused. ¡°Once I have you tucked in, if you all behave, I might cooperate and answer a few questions.¡± The black clad man swept his black leather coat over them both and vanished back into the shadows, whence he¡¯d come. / Just outside Wilf¡¯s front door, the high priestess was having a minor fit of the ookies. ¡°Oh, sweet Marduk¡­¡± Becky gasped, rubbing wildly at the gooseflesh stippling every inch of her skin. ¡°That was awful!¡± ¡°You were very brave, my love.¡± Kermal muttered into her tightly braided plait, as he hugged her up from behind. ¡°I think you should go play with Gary and the kids¡­ I¡¯ll stay with our new friends.¡± ¡°Those fellows don¡¯t need a babysitter. You can both go enjoy the evening.¡± Ward said softly, as he slipped from the shadows, tugging along an embarrassed looking Gary in elaborate and fanciful robes. The fellow was dressed in motley, patchwork, billowing drapes that displayed the weavers¡¯, dyers¡¯ and tailors¡¯ arts in every way imaginable. Embroidery, printing, needlecraft and weaving methods from hundreds of worlds, dimensions and cultures swam across the man¡¯s absurd, yet elegant attire. He shook off Ward¡¯s grip and bowed low to the young couple that the two odd men were towering over. ¡°I am the Wheel of Fortune, may the spirits bless our meeting, despite the circumstances¡­.¡± He intoned. ¡°This fellow has been manhandling me pretty abominably for a few minutes now, and hasn¡¯t even the simple courtesy to make introductions properly.¡± ¡°Now, brother, you know very well who I am; so stop being a pest.¡± Ward scolded his captured Gary firmly and took him by the collar once more. ¡°Yes, senpai Ward¡­¡± The man complained feebly, while ¡®attempting to escape¡¯ in the most obviously unserious ways. He wound up putting on a display of comic pratfalls and sarcastic facial expressions that brought a giggle to Becky¡¯s lips. The captured Gary grinned foolishly and shrugged inside his silly robes and nodded. ¡°I know who you are, I just don¡¯t know what you are, brother.¡± He remarked to his captor. Ward tightened his hand in the Gary¡¯s robes and gave him a small shake. ¡°I told you, we¡¯re going to explain it all once¡­ One time only!¡± He glared up at the moons high above and muttered something inaudible. ¡°Inside and stay put. A bunch of us are already inside, you¡¯ll meet the rest tomorrow.¡± Ward aimed his captive at the smiling pair on Wilf¡¯s doorstep and forced the man to bow with a firm hand on his collar. ¡°Becky Ward and Kermal Singh, high priestess of the local god of Knowledge, and her husband, the knight champion of a local duke. They¡¯re family, so no funny business.¡± Ward shook his unresisting prisoner a little and grinned down at the two normal sized humans the way tall folks do. ¡°This is Wheel of Fortune, he¡¯s pretty harmless, now that he understands his situation¡­ Right?¡± ¡°Yes, sir!¡± Wheel announced eagerly, while smacking himself audibly in the forehead during a very vigorous and clumsy attempt to salute the man in black. Becky erupted into a full throated laugh, while the smack of the silly man¡¯s hand against his own brow was still softly echoing off the lake. ¡°Oh gods above and below¡­¡± She gasped, hanging in her confused husband¡¯s arms helplessly, as mirth took her legs from beneath her. ¡°The old Fred Scuttles salute¡­¡± She sputtered, which left her husband completely unenlightened. ¡°Yes dear¡­¡± Kermal replied blandly. ¡°Benny Hill¡­¡± She gasped helplessly. ¡°Gary did the same thing the first day I met him¡­¡± She sobbed and giggled helplessly for a little longer, held up by her bemused mate. ¡°It¡¯s a classic burlesque comedy bit¡­ old school vaudeville¡­ Nice one, Wheel.¡± She sighed, when the fit passed from her. ¡°Come on Kermie, let¡¯s go to bed. I¡¯m done for the night.¡± Without another word, the young couple vanished into the garden headed for a violet and purple gingerbread, victorian fantasy standing over by the bridge. Becky closed the door behind them and sank to a bench in her foyer with an exhausted gasp, finally secure inside her own home, conjured from her mad brother¡¯s gifts as much as her own. ¡°Tomorrow is gonna be wild.¡± She sighed softly into Kermal¡¯s warm shoulder, as he carried her upstairs.