《It's called being human》 Dreaded exposition "Please" katherine''s voice a barely audible plea, but the feeling, her intent could never be more deafening. "i can''t" was all else that could escape her sorrow gripped throat, that love so carefully nurtured which brought with it this pain, the pain she only knows too well from loving too well, too absolute. That love, her need and her desire in both her life and this death, the nape of her neck, the vein of her feeling and heart of her devotion, all cut by its own foundation. That love. Tangible or ephemeral she felt it nonetheless like a harsh sting as it tore through her and so many dreams feared to be forgotten now. "Neither can I" he said in response with all the weight of his own terror carried in each word. "So then am i nothing to you in the end?! why do you want to hurt me so badly with this!? Don''t... don''t act like it wont hurt me too " her screams soaked in terror but tinged with love turned hurt, turned anger. Her eyes blood shot from helplessness and the salt air, her throat hoarse from desperate anger. Anything to make this change, to make him change to the man who stole her dreams and made them anew. Anything to save what she knew could never be the same but for all her hope and all her faith in him she would make it reality. His head lifted and his gaze left the storm raging in front of him, to meet her.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. "This, all of this is too much pain, whether be that it hurt you or me it just has to stop for one..... then for both of us, i love you here and know that if theres anything out there, ill love you there as well." His last words punctuated by his turning to the sky in a sort of peaceful reverence, last and final as they were for he was gone an instant later. That love which gave her life, killed her as she collapsed to her knees on that deck, his last words engraved in that moment thatd never leave her, not like he just did. The moment that will always follow in her steps echoing her pain. The waking thoughts and dreams this moment will turn to nightmares and terror. This tragic ripping and rending of her happy life drenching all the things they shared in sadness and insecurity. This moment. That love. Shadows In A Dark Room Awoken dead, a thought as sharp as the gasp of his shock at this the tragic revelation of his actions made manifest. Tragic as the weight in his chest, gripping the base of his throat seeking to bring his death more suredly, more truly this time round but it was more the death of his soul than his flesh. The fog lifted from his eyes that had blinded him to the world, there he saw in such short scenery his life. Tragically short and woefully small. He lay in a bed with his arms bound to leather straps on either side, the blinds had been drawn low casting moonlit panels across the room bending with the furniture but it was the sullen light from out to the hall that painted the room and shaped its emotion. Heavy with silence and shrieking with the melancholy , the air of unsteady peace entombing them, him and her, his katherine. Sleeping in the chair next to him, her hair a tousled mess thrown about the right side of his bed, resting on his hand were the strands which played in the soft light enticing him with its luminous red, flooding him with every thought that red hair was in, the happiness in her dance and laugh as it bounced. The way it draped across her face in her most begotten moments, whether she was taken by anger or sadness it never took from her beauty. No she could never let go that weight bound in her every movement, which took from her everything she sought and returned her only that which she despised. Unwanted attention, accusations and bias, lies and deceit unjustly earned or given, presumptions that dredged forth her demons, one to drag and one to claw but both to hurt only her. Yes, tragically beautiful. He saw past this, at the captive in her faberge shell meekly screaming to be seen and set loose, he knew her fear and held it in his hand as she drew out further slowly and with care, his care. That same hand led her further down her own path of imaginings, building her road brick over brick, bits of her own shell over which she stomped, to bury the person she always feared, herself and her expectations. That guiding hand, gentle and picturesque beguiled the heavy man who bore it, the man who dragged as she strode, laden just as her but from within to her without, unable to tear away his weighted dread without tearing himself. This same supporting hand stayed on as she shown brightly in her own right, thickening ever more the darkness that led from that hand in comparison, though not her intent nor her fault, without malice without greed or wraith her hope was his despair as such that his leaden hand could no longer hold onto her soft image, light and sweet as she had become, he felt as the poison in her air. Life without has never known a way to live within the depth of such sharp tragic fate. That was the story, a part of a piece and the steps that brought them here, in this room, under this light. He moved his hand to meet her hair and the sweet sullen head that lay beneath, he could see her eyes swollen and red, the dry lips and crumpled tissue all betraying her anguish. He softly brought the back of his hand over her cheek and bent to kiss her, the last he would ever feel of her skin against his lips for he would know her warmth no more, from henceforth he would only know her as she was, her memory. The monitors rang in an uproar, crying out a high pitch that brought the night nurses rushing in, katherine startled awake and jumped to her feet, giving the nurses a wide berth to work but still filling the room with her mantra soft and pleading as it was while she nervously rung her tissue, her rosary. "Please don''t leave me here" repeating steadily and as low as her sunken heart drowned in the tears of her hope, that hope when when they found him, that damned hope when she heard his heart beating, that god damned unforgiving hope as she felt his chest rise and fall for hours in that bed. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. "Please dont leave me, please" he lay there motionless and unfeeling, he didnt feel the pressure on his chest as they compressed it, nor the warmth of their hands only the blinding of the pen light which shone in his eye for an instant and in the next he saw something anew. In the door frame a lurking figure draped in shadow, its head slowly rising to meet his,its eyes red with blood burst from the white leaving only the soft blue of its eyes floating in a sea of red and speckled white. It shambled forth with deep intent unrelenting in those eyes which emanated such raw, heart wrenching sadness, alluring and consuming him. His world that was that room fell silent, fading out with a whine as though his ears were blown, only broken by katherines prayer, deafening in the underwater soundscape her voice was clear and pleading. His sight blurred next filling the room with only blurs and misted figures all but the staggering thing before him draped in cloth burnt dark with embers still breathing with each step forward. His death was only told in katherine, in this quiet you could hear her heart, her soul, her hope all shattering slowly, through the blur katherine burst, flinging herself on him gripping him and pawing at his legs with her deep sobs echoing into seemingly endless void, her face contorted in suffering but still she cannot escape that beauty. "You cant, its not ok, its not fair. you cant just walk into my life, not like that, you cant be this good and kind, you cant make me better than i ever wanted to be, you cant just...change me." She started hitting his leg, softly at first, each strike punctuating her sadness and growing stronger in tandem with her pain turned rage. "Why do you have to hurt me worse than any of those other bastards, why did you show me all these great things if you knew itd just hurt more now. i dont know who i am without you, not anymore." The dark figure grew as it crawled onto his bed , unfurling its arms and expanding its consuming darkness as it did, inching up his body hovering slowly over him but still its weight, that he could feel, crushing as if despair were made real. "Why?....why?!" katherine began to scream as she struck his leg without refrain her body faltered as she was pulled away by the hazy images that once were nurses. " WHY!?!" she bellowed in a loud yell thick with fear, as much was it tinged with fear as coated with rage, so few were their differences. The figure could be seen now in bright clear light which grew from nowhere, only enough to see her face, the shadow looming over him and condemning this room bore the face of a young woman, her jaw uneven and broken clearly from the white bone poking through the torn skin at the end of her jawline. From the neck down her body was dark and featureless, it was the feeling it exuded, the scent of ash and its brittle arms trembling against his shoulders that told her story. Her mouth opened to whisper but her words were caught by an unfelt wind, it was the cold drops on his forehead that drew him from the moment and made him look at her eyes again. Her eyes doubled in pain, sickened with fear, tears puddled in her bloody eyes and fell to his forehead and cheek. Softly katherines injured supplicating words drifted to him through that imposing miasma of decidedness. "please dont leave me here.......please." With such punctuation did the curtain of darkness envelop and draw to a close this tragedy of love. That beautiful tragic love. Burnt In Memory Sharp ringing in his ears followed by a sickness deep in his gut woke him once more. He pushed himself up from the floor and stammered to his feet, stumbling into the nearby dresser, jostling the perfumes and dishes there. "wha-" his speech cut short by the wince from the pain in his jaw, he turned and noticed the mirror atop the dresser and turned to see what was not his own. A womans face sat where his own should rest, her body taking the space his own once called home, he....she looked around and at her own body in disbelief before returning to the mirror. Her jaw was broken badly, the bone beneath left bare and the skin a dark purple radiating around the white bone. Painful to look at, excrutiating to touch, the thought of speech sent chills down her spine penetrating to his soul. Words became a forgotten notion. "Godamn it!"; roared a barotone voice from down the hall to her right, hesitantly she crept through the doorway and down the hall following the sound of clatter and destruction, carried forward as much by curiosity as fear. What greeted her was the sight of a tall portly man who was bent over and rummaging through the closet, haphazardly throwing things here or there with no regard to what befell the things or what they hit. "Where did you put it, you fucking bitch!" reverberated from the nearly empty closet back at her, she glanced around the room, a white curtain framed the window nearest the huddled over behemoth. Across from it lay the bed, made and orderly as can be topped with its white cotton spread bordered with brown nearing the head of the bed and mix of tan, brown and white pillows accenting it. A nightstand to the right carried on it a wrought iron lamp with a tan shade, the floor was covered in a clean tan carpet, her gaze scanned over it and the things strewn about, their life in objects. The first time they met as juniors in high school and the fierce love that blossomed lay captured in his letterman jacket strewn on the arm chair. The happiness frozen in their wedding pictures that now lay discarded and fanned out across the carpet. All their life in possessions but none of it held the real story, just the perfect image frozen in beautiful frame. It was the vanity across from her, to his left that draw her eye though, the image in it rather. The image of a young woman, meek and gentle in every meaning, betrayed by her jaw and the tears on her clothes for the truth. The perfect image of it all, shattered and laid bare was her suffering in painful clarity. She didnt know when he gave up on looking in the closet, she didnt even hear his footsteps as he strode to her, she only knew his hands when they pressed her against the wall, his face red with anger as he yelled at her. The words never reached her though, maybe it was the concussion, maybe it was the fear no matterwhat it was, it only angered him. He put his hand on her face, his thumb pressing against her jaw as she cried in pain, he tossed her aside roughly and she stumbled to the ground. Where his hand failed his boot would succeed he thought as he kicked her while she lay there, protecting her jaw. "Where. Is. It" his words punctuated with each kick, she looked around in a panic and pointed at the untouched bottom drawer of the dresser. He turned and strode to the vanity dresser to inspect, pain surged through her jaw and throbbed at her torso stinging at the cracked ribs. Her breathe growing more shallow with each inhale until it could barely have been said to be there at all, her hands grew cold and all that could escape her all that could leave that shattered body were her tears streaming onto the once spotless carpet. The man rose again and slaked his thirst from the flask gripped tightly in his hateful hands, no doubt pilfered from the drawer. He let his satisfaction be known after a long chug with a content sigh and walked back over to her " ya see, that wasnt that bad, its all i wanted now" he nudged her with his boot in the ribs " get up, start on the food and we can have a nice dinner." She never responded though, not to his words, nor to his prods and kicks, never are there enough pleas or cries as can wake the dead and the dying. Realization clicked in his mind and panic caught in his throat, how had he let this happen. He never meant, he never thought, but it was real, too real and too far to ever come back. His mind raced as he wondered what he did to bring it to this point, how had it started? A sternful command here, a warning there, at what point did it turn to blows. How had he let his love for her become a fear in her,she had to be afraid. Terrified as she lay there, she was everything he wanted and loved and now she cowered at his feet choking on empty breathes. He was on his knees shaking her, begging her to wake up with tears in his eyes "im so sorry baby, please just wake up, please" his words were heard but he was never to hear another of hers again. It was then the pacing began and the mania set itself anew, this time by grief and guilt both powerful, both strong enough to shatter any sanity, mortal or not. Beset by these demons a thought was born and into hazard action it grew. Only moments after he had ran from the room smoke could be smelt through the whole house and seen in most, he returned with his face covered in soot and kneeled beside her to cradle her in his arms. His hands that reaked of gasoline stroked her face while his tears fell into her hair, he spoke but nothing coherent left his lips save for " im sorry, im so so sorry." She couldnt see when he drew his service pistol, she couldnt see when he raised it to is head, she only heard his final last time saying " im sorry, itll never happen again" and the bang that came after. Abandoned as she was, such as in her marriage which burned as brightly as the flame, both consuming, both in stages. First came the signs, the anger and possession so well meaning she told herself, so caring -the smell of smoke. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.Then came fights, the burning flame consuming their love and their lives, discussions turning to arguments, screaming leading to fists, his shame turning to anger and finally loss just as the fire spreading through their house did overtake every photo and memory leaving nothing but ash in its wake so did his love, his anger, his shame. Finally it came to this, alone just as she was in her marriage, caged on all sides by consuming rage but in this horrific ending one solace could be found. Freedom. Finally freedom. Irony As once before now twice again he opened his eyes. This time was different, the feeling was different before it was peace, confusion and a hazy incoherence. Now the peace had twisted and corroded into horrid pain the confusion gave way to anger which only served to focus his anguished mind enough to bring into clarity the man to his right. "Hey fella" the stranger said punctuating it with a toothy grin revealing the crooked decayed teeth beneath his dark lips. "I''m samuel, don''t fret none, your safe and probably got alot to ask, meet me outside when you feel up to it." With that he rose from his chair and strode out of the room, an uneasy walk wide stanced and offset by a limp. He rose quickly fueled by his frustration and guided by anger, eager to stop the stranger and demand answers but he was felled just as his foot touched the cold floor. A torrential wave of pain slammed against his skull so harshly it felt as if to etch into his soul, to forever leave its essence felt. His body shook and trembled as his torso tightened and contracted as he choked and coughed up water, torrents of water, the oceans salt stinging the corners of his mouth and cracking his lips as he writhed in pain while the puddle grew beyond reason. It wasnt until moments after the convulsions stopped that he noticed the clouds of blood forming in the water, the drops fell from his cheek running down from the back of his head. Tentatively he reached back to find the source, a 3 inch long gash reaching deep into bone even, but it didnt hurt, not really, it was a dull sensation more like the memory of pain. Memory, thats right, he had dashed his head on a rock, everything beyond that was blackness, maybe the first kindness in this storm of misfortune. His clambered to his feet only to see that man again at the doorway. "drowning huh? thats a rough one, not all too bad here though, no real problems." "What is this " he croaked, his voice hoarse and gravelly no doubt from the sea water. "this place? oh its sort of the waiting room, what we are waiting for well, we haven''t gotten that far yet, this." samuel said while gesturing to him and the puddle of cloudy water "Is your rejection." "Rejection." " yeah its something quarty came up with, says its our new bodies rejecting the old en'' " his speech thick with a southern accent. " listen you can lay here and think about all this as much you want, few of us did but ill tell you right now, it aint helpin no one, or you can come out here and meet the fellas, we all have to accept it sooner or later, but around here, laters got teeth." Once more he walked away, slowly this time, each step echoing the plea for him to follow and so he did, on trembling legs he stammered through the doorway and down the practical hallway thick with a silence that hung in the air like the plague. This looked like the same hospital, the same doorway which once held that thing, her, but now it was different ,completely empty and lifeless. He clung to the wall as his vision blurred in and out of focus, steadily continuing on determined not to lose his only tangible proof of his sanity, that this wasnt just his own machination as his body. His real body, lay somewhere clinging to life as his mind let loose with fantasy in its delirium. Was this this any different than the suffering he was already so intimately familiar with, was his attempt to escape that circle of hell merely the tumbling fall to the next one below, deeper into the abyss that only his mind knows? The idea unsettled him, grinding away at his rationality and festering in him with a dull ache. They reached the end of their journey, a pair of double doors with a glowing sign above reading "EXIT". "Dont take that too literal friend, goddamned irony of some kinda joke" the stranger mumbled as he pushed open the door. His eyes were suddenly overwhelmed by the brightness, slowly subsided as he stood in the door way, a cold draft so forcefull it nearly toppled him back. As his vision returned he noticed the landscape before him, stretching out in the sort of endless way only dreams make real, driving him further into his fear for being trapped within himself. That still didnt answer what happened to him earlier though, he had no idea who that woman was, nor the man but they felt so familiar like a memory. He drew himself back to reality as it remained to be seen. Trash, discarded stuff and all things forgotten littered the world in front of him, piled in heaps along the sides of a path no doubt created by this man and his friends. An asphalt path winding down a short way, wire fence stickin out at ends and showing over the shorter piles, they weaved down the path until they found a large cleared space, with a few metal frame chairs, a toppled tree half petrified all circled around a fire burning brightly in a rusted metal drum. If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it."Ah and so here brought forth the truth which i do dread, that prison which was a world known, itself a hopeless machine has remained so unchanged as to bring us another to join the ranks of the Sacrifical. Welcome to our humble mortuary." "mortuary?" was his only response to this new man walking out from a group of tented tarps, the man had his arms out in a welcoming manner displaying in full sight his long matted white beard and his oddly clean robe which was set apart from both the time and setting, more fitting to ancient greece than a junkyard. "dammit quarty you get too damn excited about making a flashy entrance that you bury the lead every single time" Samuel sighed and turned away from quarty to look at him calmly "son, your dead you did it, but im sorry you didnt make it really anywhere youd wanna be, kinda like everything else here, we''re sorta like spare parts." "Vestigial remnants of another hellscape, disimiliar meerly in size each of us a tragedy at once tucked away and again re-read, such is our fate" chimed in the older man behind samuel "what was that thing, that-" he blurted out but trailed off in the end unable to find the words for whatever it was, whoever. He could only turn his head and broadly gesture back toward the hospital they had just left, the double doors already beyond sight. Hidden by the heaps of trash. "The reclaimers, we all have different names for ''em but thats the common one, they take us, any one of us and send us to suffer for them. Ya cant hide from em and you sure as hell cant fight it, its like being hunted but they move slow cuz they know we aint going nowhere, just spare parts for em." "actors, we replay and live for them the harsh reality of which they cannot bear, upon the shoulders of the damned do the favored climb. Harsh and fixed, tormenting and yet so infallible, so says the damned" quarty said before taking a deep breath. "reclaim your sense and footing in mine tent, tomorrow, as much this world can know of time, we shall delve into your new world. First though, what is your name child?" He opened his mouth to speak but found only hesitation and a short stopped breath as he realized he didnt know, as hard as he fought and as far back as he looked he could not remember his name. Nothing he was called or refered to as, the only thing he could remember was his katherine but it wasn clear to him whether that was part of his damnation or his only solace. "i dont know, why dont i know?" the unknown man asked, turning back and forth between quarty and samuel hoping for an answer. "its just somethin that happens, none of us can remember our names, quarty says its cuz we are just blank slates for them things to use. We all kinda just chose our new names." samuel was the one who answered but both him and quarty nodded their heads in answer. "Valentine, thatll be my new name" he said with quiet assuredness and solemnity, it was from a book he read when he was young, a human brought back to earth to learn to be human again. The poignant irony and similarity of it felt right when he thought back on what happened earlier. True he suffered and felt that womans harshest moments he even knew her memories, the sweetest ones of her life with that man and the happiness that came with it. It was a painful experience within her own paradise, more goddamned irony, but he learned something also, maybe something he was lacking in his own life, something he couldnt understand fully because he had not lived it as she had but this encircling confusion did not give way to clarity. Maybe it never would, but Valentine would find out soon enough. One Simple Luxury Ceaseless living or endless death? To what realm does this dilemma fall and under which of such harsh classification, this pitiable existance or is it merely persepective that controls it all. Could this place be what everyone hopes for in the end, at their end, nirvana with a twist, heaven with a price. Valentines mind turned these thoughts over and over in his head as he lumbered through the shanty tent these strangers called home held up in the center by a large iron pillar peppered and hollowed by rust. The angled light of the setting sun shot through the openings in the tent and holes in the canopy casting a spotted shadow across the dirt floor and halfway up the tattered fabric making up the back half of the tent. To his right and to his left were partitions that were likely each of their rooms all of which centered around the sort of foyer in which he now stood. Which was nothing more than just discarded and broken chairs, a petrified log and a steel drum fire that none can remember starting or even feeding but still it burned, like a reminder that you cant escape even in your dreams. Valentine found his corner and a sheet to raise a wall and call his home this 6 foot by 6 patch of dirt and dust. He laid a blanket down and lay atop it staring at the ceiling and the patch of bright cloudless sky that could be seen through a tear in the canopy, this small hole dragged him back to fall evenings with his father. Camping near the river bed in a lightly dense forest just outside his hometown, he could hear the clanking of his father hammering down their tent posts the scent of burning wood from their fire and the itching thought in the back of his head, that same distant feeling he would grow ever more familiar with each year. His father brought him there not to bond but to make a man out of him, he was too soft, too weak. His father made it a mission to make that end with whatever force needed, cruelty for savings sake served with malicious good intent. A harsh cough snapped him back to reality and a silhouette could be seen through the tarp wall at his feet, the stranger settled on the floor and he could see him diggin through a napsack by his side. "Aint nothing here easy, dont even make sense most times but theres some things we picked up here and there." as samuel said this he found and retrieved from his bag a small metal tin, opened it and put a pinch in his mouth, the smell of his tobacco intense and overpowering. " See this here is the funniest thing, i aint ever asked for it or filled it but i always have the same amount in here, no matter how much i take next time itll be back." Samuel let out a loud sigh as he let his body sink down on to the floor. " Quarty got it in his mind one day that there had to be an edge to this place and damn it all he was gonna find it, so he went walking off in one direction still muttering his long winded dramatic speech as always. He showed up back in his bed 10 days later, told us the world just sort of dropped off into a pit of black emptiness, said he could see the water from a river pouring down like a waterfall but he never heard no splash, thats where they grabbed him, at that edge. Scenery aint nothing normal but it aint special neither, told us all about it, painted the picture big as life but when he went walking again, his story changed. Suddenly it was all death and despair, took the same path, same time, but it was all different. The fields he swore stretched as long as sight itself werent nothing but dead dirt now, a rocky path and distant mountains that aint ever get closer, got nabbed this time before he made it all the way. He ain''t had the heart to go back out again, can''t say i blame him much" Valentine felt the question catch in his throat, fearing the answer but terrified of not having one he choked it out. "why are we here?" Samuel spat on the floor, stood, pulled up the blanket serving as their wall and poked his head in until their eyes met. Samuels eyes were red and pained, they looked tired but accepting like a man who''s been in a nightmare far too long. He brought his arm up and silently beckoned for Valentine to follow him. He led him outside, the sun had set and the night was slowly creeping over head and all around them. "Dont worry" Samuel said " The night aint change nothing really, same odds of getting took as if it were day, but at least this way you get a helluva view" He pointed up at the sky as the darkness fell it allowed the lights of the stars to shine through but that wasnt all there was, not here. Brilliant shades of purple and blue swirled in the sky like brush strokes across the charcoal background peppered with soft points of light. Cosmic dust closer than it should be, seen when it shouldnt, creating more and more mystery in this chaotic existance but this was one that could be appreciated as the first and maybe only solace for Valentine. he had no wonderous replenishing possesion, no beautiful story to tell but he had this sky and its undulating grace as the colors swirled past and intertwined with each other like starlings made iridescent. They both lay in the grassy patch just outside the junkyard they made their home and gazed up at the breathing van gogh painting before them. Valentine turned his head towards samuel, the sight could only distract him so long, he wanted an answer, needed something to hold onto even if it was a lie. "We all have our comforts here, things we need to hold onto just to get through this" Samuels words broke through the silence before being cut off by a harsh coughing fit booming death through the night. "I like to look at this sky, only beautiful thing here, Quarty comes out here too but i reckon the reason''s a bit different" he nodded his head over to the left and Valentine turned his head to see Quarty, too much of Quarty, was out there with him. The old man was laying in the grass ten yards away stark naked, his pale body practically shining in the dim light, laying on a blanket without a single care blissfully sleeping under the night sky." We dont really ask cuz honestly we dont wanna know but thats his thing, bit of a free spirit and all. But that dont answer your question none, we dont know why we are here, way i see it we did something bad enough they couldnt let us rest but we wasnt quite bad enough to send down below. I was a real sum bitch, worked for this company that didnt particularly care for obstacles, people and the lives they build tend to be obstacles for the industrial machine ya know. Say you wanna build an oil rig out on this nice stretch of land but some old man got him and his own out there farming the land, some corn aint changing the world, that rigs the future. Say you dont trust your company men with their ties and petticoats to get them gone but you dont quite wanna get your labor men to do it neither, loose ends and all. You hire me, an enforcer, a strike breaker whatever my job is for the right amount of coin. I come in and ....gently convince them to leave, that dont work i smack ''em around a bit, that still dont work. Hell when you do it long as i did you can tell right away who you can shoot a mean look to get em scurrying off and whos house you need to douse in lamp oil. One town heard of me and what i was aiming to do, so they met me on the road in, caught me sleepin. Ever get woken up by the terrified cry of your horse getting gutted? Kind of shit that sticks with you even in here. They took my gun, my clothes, and they bashed me in the head sent me tumblin down this cliff, thing is fall aint enough to kill a man. No, that comes slower, comes while your foots stuck under a boulder and your slowly fading out from the blood loss and the hunger, it comes while the critters come to gnaw at cha. Awful as i was, it fed my family we aint come from much, i wasnt smart or smooth talkin, but i was tough and could hold my own in a fight, my daddy made sure of that." A short silence dominated the air between the two men, made long by the pain and the sincerity of it in Samuels voice when he finished his story. Lingering. "How''d you die the first time? I know it was a drownin but im sure theres more to that." His coughing returned with a harsh vengeance This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon."I fell off of a boat, i must have bashed my head on a rock or something , the storm was crazy, no way of knowing what it was, i don''t remember anything after that." "Gotta be more than that, whatd you do to get in here?" samuel asked with a voice rough from the coughing "I hurt her , katherine, hurt her pretty badly because i left. No, no its more like i hurt her because i showed up in the first place, she was safe in her world, comfortable before i came in and dragged her out. I propped her up and told her she was strong, I made her move, made her care, knowing I couldn''t stay. Now shes just stumbling in the dark cursing me for the life I couldn''t help but change and how i cut her down before she could grow." Samuel clutched his stomach as he twisted and turned to his side, vomiting up dark blood, covering the grass and soaking into the dirt as he continued to cough and convulse. He let out a long and pained groan as he settled back onto the ground and lay next to Valentine who didnt move an inch, wondering if this was just like what he felt before in the hospital room. "These aint made to last, i reckon these are kinda just meant to hold us off for a time until they decide what to do with us" Samuel choked out in hoarse tone, spittles of blood still shooting out from his mouth as he spoke. " What?" was all that Valentine could stammer out "These bodies, you''d best be getting out of here them things can come circling when this happens, been a few turns now for me, thing is only one can get me, if your still here" another short cough and a new spout of blood stopped his speech short "them assholes will get you too I''ll be back, we always come back." Samuels voice trailed off in a whisper resounding with a morbid acceptance. The air soaked in silence let not a word nor a thought cut its overbearing presence as a new fear set in Valentines throat, acceptance. It was acceptance that tightened in his chest threatening what life he imagined to have left. Acceptance that dulled his reaction and damned his senses when he heard the trees rustling, not moving a muscle or showing any care. Acceptance that held him still as their harsh presence drew closer, but it was curiousity that made him turn his head to see what would come. Dozens of shaded figures, each slowly marching closer some were twitching, some making calm deliberate steps, some stumbling but all came forth in confidence. They were overtaking quarty, huddling around him in a lumped black mass which shrouded everything and left only his robe on which he once lay in their wake as they trampled over it to continue forth towards Samuel. Valentine turned back towards him but couldnt find anything to say or give, only resolution, only an idea. "we can''t escape" a heavy step thudding behind them. "I cant move" pained moans ringing from times and people long since dead rode through the night air behind them. "And they dont stop" Samuel whispered, and touched Valentines knee to reassure him, to tell him to run. Valentine reached into samuels pocket and grabbed the metal cheering tobacco tin, took off the lid and pressed the sides of the tin together until the rims met and made a sharp edge, he glanced at Samuel who could only glare back in a murky haze. "If this doesnt work im sorry, if it does, tell me its better, that its worth it somehow." A smirk creeped up on his face "guess you cant really do that though, maybe if any of those old stories about spirits are true youll be able to tell Kat I''m sorry, no, tell her something good, that I found the peace life never left me." With that Valentine, with all the strength he could muster drove the jagged tin into Samuels neck and yanked to the side, gouging out a large gash where his artery once was. A loud consuming shriek pierced through the dense air like an arrow, shaking the world around Valentine as he threw his body over his poor friend, his drowning gasps and bloody gurgles playing in his ear as he held himself over Samuel as best he could. They could be heard much clearer now, they were running, their feet pounding against the floor rumbling and shaking the ground as they drew closer. He didnt know when they could reach him, didnt know when he was being pawed at by half dead spectred hands, having his soul torn and rended. but he knew the feeling of Samuels last breath on his neck. He finally knew it, Acceptance Winding River Drifting, the winds blasted and clashed against his body, shaking his bones and breaking his soul with countless cuts and holes removing everything he thought he once was. Drifting, he felt himself lose to every wave, the darkened mist as harsh as sand wove through him, leaving behind a little less of him with each passing rage. Fragmented, aimless and jostled, tossed about by the happenings of these many unknowable acts, imperceivable moments of chaos guided by the dispassionate hand of fate. Abandoned, left in a bright and shapeless place with only his weightless heart and encumbered mind, he found no peace in this place no matter the stillness, no torrential waves or ceaseless assaults but that of silence. "Yes, dear brother, I will handle it, your hand may be a bit too... harsh, for him, they are quite delicate." Echoing words from a formless mouth fed from all directions around him as he spun his head trying to find it, which each turn he heard it yet again from behind him, each word coming from a new unseen mouth. On its final word and his final turn it was there, seated in a mahogany lounging chair, dressed in a brown coat and slacks that very nearly matched the color of the chair. A lighter toned brown vest and a simple black tie, Its hair was combed back with a gelled shine, and Its smile could show all Its perfect white teeth and the pick held between them. "Do you know where you are right now?" Its voice again resounded from all about the room with no origin save for everywhere but when he turned to find the voice he found it again, each time in a different suit, a different color or fashion, a different tie or chair but never, NEVER a different smile. "Do you know why you are here?" In his frantic scrambles and turns he still heard it, each of its words spoken from a different image but the same mouth. Out of as much curiousity as stubborness he stepped forward, lunging forward to It in one large step to find nothing happened, another step, then another, each keeping him exactly where he was, or It where It was. Tired and fearing for his sanity he finally settled in front of It and Its grey suit. "Do you know who i am ?" "What are you? Are you the one whats behind all this?" Samuel spoke in a soft calm tone Its smile widened just before it reached to withdraw the pick from its mouth to speak again " Thats the funny thing, you all have so many names for me and what i am but none of them ever end up describing me quite well enough. I dont quite care enough about you to be an angel nor a demon, more of an ambivalent gatekeeper. But what i am isnt important right now, its what you can be for me thats the reason you are here." Its sentence punctuated by it pointing the pick at Samuels chest, drawing his eyes downward to see that his body as he had always known it, was gone. In its stead was a loosely shaped mist with a golden hue,swirling and shifting with an unfelt wind. He rose his hands only to find the mist trail with the movement, slowly racing to where he willed it to again take that same loose form of an arm and hand. "That is the point of your little detour here, that is the culmination of your entire lifetimes worth, everything that matters at least, we simply want to know how someone like you got to this." "like me? Samuel stuttered out, staring straight into It''s unbroken smile confused and distraught "yes, you are different from the Nulls which you and your friends are so plagued by, they are the opposing force of what we need, of that" Again the being points toward Samuels glowing countenance. before letting out a deep sigh " Imagine everything you can think of, the entire universe, think of that as a swirling pool of multicolored energy swirling around, mixing, sorting and creating new colors. These colors both new and old find their ways down the streams they are meant for and feed into a river, changing again, gaining a new shade until evetually it flows back into that same pool and the cycle begins again. You, your cell mates and innumerable others like you, are the dirt and grime that block the stream, obstructing waste that only serves to hinder lifes progress, and yet, here you are. Time doesnt really bother us, its all in the effort, so you can tell us how this happened or we can just let your room mates keep on going until it happens again, your choice." It ended its description by unfurling Its hands in front of itself in a wide display as if to showcase the dramatic unveiling of this metaphysical insult. Samuel stood in silence, staring down at his hands for a moment while this new information washed over him, turning it over again and again in his mind, piecing together the eternity of his time spent in that place. A hopeless place of unending torment, but it had to have its purpose or reason, just like this place he was in, just like the thing in front of him. Samuel felt a smile creep up on his face and wondered if he still had a face to smile with or was that a swirling mess of light too? "Them lives you threw us in, that those creatures dragged us into, they start to blend together ya know? Without knowing you take bits here and there, stealing moments and memories of their lives for your own, one of my lives I remember so well. She was this harsh, cold, unbreakable, brilliant woman, she told me everything through her memories. Bout her life as a child in nigeria, all that struggling and pain, then her years in a school in India grasping at straws for her future. Her life led her to med school in london and a future in america" Samuel could feel his ephemeral chest tighten and struggled to fight back the tears welling up in his non-existant eyes as he remembered the pain from a life that wasnt his through the memories of a borrowed woman in a time he knew nothing of except her pain, her loneliness. " Her life brought her all across the world, makin it a bit better for the people everywhere she went, leaving herself there with em bit by bit. I couldnt ever hope to understand what she knew, but I felt that pain before , could understand that, she dragged herself by her nails until she finally made it home. She ran herself round the world just to die in her family home, saved hundred of people just to die slowly over 2 weeks in a cot under a crumbling stone roof. Ain''t no justice or peace, no higher meaning in that, just her. I dont know and i dont care how this happened or why, but you wont get nothing out of knowing neither, thats for damned sure. Now time ain''t mean nothing to me anymore, just effort and i think i done spent enough on you already, maybe ill find her, find my girl, maybe ill just try and leave a little bit of myself everywhere i go and hope they find me." In peace he left as in torment he came, Samuel disappeared into nothingness, content. "Yes dear brother, i know but it was still solid proof. He was pristine and that means the others can do the same, we finally have a way to be rid of this unsightly blemish. We just might need to alter the playing field a little." It got up from its chair and let Its ceasless smile relax, the color draining from Its face and Its clothes as it walked forward to where Samuel once stood. Its body as pale and empty as the room in which it stood, digging its heel into the ground and grinding what little remained of Samuel into nothing. "Pathetic" Strange meetings There we go again, saying things we never meant in tones we only heard in afterthought and as loudly as the hurt we meant to hide. There she goes again, telling me im not the person she thought i would be when we met, how i lost her hope when i gave up my potential when she really means to say how i lost her love when i never met her dreams. Here i go again, wishing she would stay but always wondering why she does. Every screaming match and thrown vase, upended chair and horrid thing said is just another page in this never ending cycle of self abuse. Neither of us are hurt, neither of us hit or cut but we bruise. Egos and expectations, bruised and bloodied but never in the fights, only in the silences and the stares, knowing glances of disapproval and the sighs of exasperation. Here we go again saying itll end, here we stay never ending. It had been two months and seven days since we ended everything, since that ocean cruise ended everything. it had been 3 weeks since his funeral and only 2 days since she left the apartment, Katherine pieced herself together, held only by the strings of her ambition in the wake of everything, of him. She played over and over again in her mind that night, when she came running up the stairs in a hurried panic to reach the top deck of their cruise ship. Overlooking the seascape before them, consumed by the horrifying storm that would always stay with her, cemented in her nightmares like the backdrop to her tragedy. There he was standing in the rain that battered and soaked the deck. There he was just staring at the storm, in some of her dreams he never looks back as if thought there was nothing left for him and the storm was the only thing that was real. In others, he turned back to her, but it wasnt him how she knew him, his face was like stone, marred and chipped by his suffering, his face darkened by the storm. In another dream, the worst ones, he spoke to her, but it was with her own voice, yelling and screaming just like she would. About the things he would never be, and what she gave up for him, the harshness in that voice echoed through the air like a cavern, reverberating spited curses as thunder cracks. In these nightmares she would run around the pitch black deck hoping to find escape but none could be found, only him, the only light in all that world. Even as the lightning angrily lit the sky he never dimmed, in the worst terrors he would stare, following her panicked sprints to and fro, sometimes he would keep talkin in her voice, sometimes his own, but his face was always empty. Blank and motionless, hollow. Her screams and rages were voiced but his lips never moved,she knew they were from him though, in the way you know things in dreams, like you could peak behind the curtain of yourself, the theatrical play your mind puts on.She would always run to him though, eventually, inevitably. She would crash into his soaking wet body and try to hold him down, try to keep him from jumping. But all she felt was the railing and then see him disappear into the storm and the raging waves, that would always linger for a moment, maybe two but always too long. When she would wake up to face the reality of those memories which her mind built her hell around. She was always greeted with guilt in place of morning sun and a new sense of remorse, as if the one from the morning before had grown stale. Katherine would stalk around the house, haunting her own life and always afraid in a hopeful way that he just might be there when she turned the corner. Hoping beyond all reason to smell his cooking waft in from the kitchen and under their closed bedroom door. Hoped to see him in the recliner near the living room window reading as life passed him by, he always told her it gave him some bit of serenity to be the calm in all the storm that made society. How she longed to see him smile, that one he always had when she hurt, when she felt just like breaking and sometimes for no reason at all. That smile that hid his pain and turned it into something so warm and reassuring maybe even pure. Katherine wondered now as we all do when its too late, how many times that smile was trying to tell her something or how many times she hurt him with it because she was the one who made him smile like that, not for himself but for her. How many times had he given away a piece of himself and she let him collapse. Katherine rose from their bed-.. her bed and surged forward down the hallway and through the front door, nothing to hold her back, nothing stopping her she strolled down the street in her sweat pants and one of his shirts. Barefoot and bare faced her stroll turned to strides with every returning thought of him and what she felt was her fault, her guilt hammering into her mind like so many nails as she began to run. Her heart pounded and her lungs ached as she barrelled down the street painfully determined to be anywhere but with herself. Pistoning her legs with more fury at every "i love you" that echoed in her memories with his now sullen voice, every memory of them, of their life together all felt like the backstory to what inevitably happened, his love and words all a warning. Tears blurring her vision as the wind whipped past her face, angry sobs catching in her throat choking her as she forced herself forward until she nearly fell forward and clung herself to a traffic sign. She held onto the "danger curve ahead" sign as she fought for her breath. Katherine was on the side of a road a couple miles from her house, she seldom ever came this way, there was nothing around but trees, rock and a distant lake that caught the early morning light in a glistening yellow orange tint. She leaned heavily against the sign now that she had no more energy to run from her thoughts just the anger, the need to scream and yell and hit him for not being here, for not saying anything when he should have. She screamed a short tired yell, a breathy yell that faded quickly into guttural sobbing as she slumped down to the ground. Katherine must have been there for a while, must have caught some attention with her yell or how she lay propped against the sign in a half seated position but she had no way of knowing. She wasn''t back in reality or time until she felt his jacket on her, she jerked away and snapped her head to the side to find a man around her age crouched next to her, his hair was a outgrown mess trimmed neatly on the sides and faded down to bare skin. Like he intended to be a contradiction, his beard was a rough and unkempt thing, more shadow than beard but skirting the line but still neatly outlined, controlled chaos in haircut. He flashed her a toothy smile and reached his hand out as he stood to help her up, she hesitated for a moment wondering where he came from there wasnt a parked car anywhere nearby and his suit was so clean it seemed hard to look at, like it just didn''t belong. He had a light and comforting air that opposed his domineering and confident appearance, something that just drew herself to him like nothing else. Maybe it was the moment she was in where everything had just been lain out raw and bare, her harshest emotions flayed from her body for all to see and how he stared into her without flinching. Maybe it was her need to feel something other than anger and hurt for a little while, for anytime at all. Maybe it was everything that made her grab his hand and pull herself up, made her thank him and ask for his name. "Valentine, thats what my friends call me anyway, let me walk you home." He said. "No" she replied "please, id rather not" she glanced back toward the way she had just been running " He watched her as she struggled with herself, not knowing what to do, where to go, what to say. The only thing in her mind was a cautious echo, "just not back there." The wind of a passing car forced her back into the moment and he broke the silence. "lets walk up the road for a while, im sure we will find something, a diner or a truck stop. Some place a bit better to talk than on the side of a road." She silently agreed and walked forward, shrinking in his jacket but refusing to be held, pushing him away when he stretched his hand out again. Her walls were back up and her guard had returned. This stranger of contradictions wouldnt get her so easily, no one would have her again the way he had, when she was so much herself for the first time. She couldnt let that happen, she didnt deserve to have that happen. Or so she told herself on the lonely walk, in a strangers coat and sneaking sniffs of the lapel. Floating
Like a thought, an idea, painted and constructed in just a moment before becoming set and unchanging Valentine found himself on the floor, hurtled there by forces unkown, in a way more mysterious still. With fleeting pain and tortured strain he struggled to his knees, feeling the weight from his heavy, wet clothes and old death in his chest or was it his soul? He coughed and convulsed as thick clear liquid flew from his mouth from deep within his lungs. The intial shock settled as Valentine accustomed himself " where is the safe house and the weapons cache?!" boomed the garbled voice from the speakers on either side of the plexiglass tinted window in front of him. Valentine, the man he was now could only lurch forward gasping for breath in words he never even thought and in a language he never knew, the man who is Valentine spoke. "free me, i have done nothing" He didnt know the words but he knew the meaning, like a feeling. There was no sound or response from behind the plexiglass only the dripping that echoed in that empty room lingered in the long silence. "You''ll leave when we get what we need, this can all be over whenever you decide." Screeched the masked voice from the speakers "Then this is where i die, for I have nothing to tell you, another body of my people is nothing to you." Valentines host said, everything seeming to play out like a movie to Valentine just more dialogue from a preset scene. It then struck him, this is their past so of course it would be the same, Valentine was there , saw everything that happened as if it was his own body his own life. He could feel every bit of the pain and anguish but this wasnt his life, this is a life that had already been lived and lost. Valentine could even recall the mans memories, of his wife and the child they lost when they were young, he could feel their hurt, faded and dull as it was. He saw in the blurry flash of progressions that make a life time in memory, like a picture flip book, each memory piecing together that whole of his life, 34 years in an instant, all the things that made him who he was. The click of a machine accompanied by the hiss of hydraulics cut short the memories and the room began to fill again, rising from below Valentine. Pouring in from vents in either side and another 2 from above water filled the room slowly but still too fast. "Perflurocarbon, this shit wont kill you, you can breathe in just like air but it hurts just like drowning whenever you switch over." The garbled voice explained and made Valentine notice this wasnt water, it was far too thick and slimy, The man Valentine was didnt understand the man''s English, but He did. The room filled quickly reaching his chest, he thrashed and frantically moved about the cell trying to get out, get away from what he knew was coming but there was nothing but smooth wall, a drainage grate and the damned window. He pressed against it, hit it and yelled trying passionately to break it and get out but nothing would happen Valentine knew. This had already happened once before, this man died and ended up as one of those things that took him, a Reclaimer. After the liquid reached his mouth he spat and gasped, choked and clawed at the shrinking open air. He could feel the liquid filling his lungs as his gasps forced down more and more of the liquid, the room was too small and the liquid too thick for him to float so he swung his body around in pain as he was forced to breathe in this, his new air that felt of death and drowning. After the panic and the pain settled, once he could sit there in the calm disembodiment of his life, after drowning, all he could do was stare at the window, still pitch black still uncaring. He pressed his ear against the glass hoping to hear something on the other side of it, muffled voices could be heard and the screeching of furniture moving against stone floor. Unintelligible speech continued on as he listened, a memory played in his mind, thoughts of his home and playing with his daughter, his miracle after years of misfortune. He remembered listening outside the door of her room soon after her mother had died, a casualty of a bombing Valentine knew, he remembered crying with her from behind that door wishing he knew how to be there for her. The irony never escaping him, how him and his wife lost their first child and they suffered through the miscarriages. How happy he was to hold their daughter in his arms and how at peace she was to know that love to hold it and cherish it. None of this was lost to Naseem, only his wife now, only she was lost cut short from their life by the hazards of living, of being born here. More screeching could be heard now and loud thuds like there was a fight going on behind that glass, the cell he was in began to drain while he continued to listen. The scuffling and thuds continued on until 3 sharp bangs of gunfire brought it all to an end, by then the fluid was too low for him to continue breathing easily and his torment began again. He collapsed to the floor and clutched his chest as he coughed up the thick slime, but this time was different, this time he felt some remain,felt too much. He lay choking there in the fresh air while his captors released the pneumatic seals that were closing him off from the rest of the world. The floor lowered and brought out from the sealed chamber he was in and brought him to the ground floor of the facility. "God damn it, get rid of him and get me a new lead while i deal with this traitor shit." The mans voice now clear, his face out from behind the glass, he knew it was the man behind the masked voice with that cold tone and succinct speech. Finally a face to the devil of his life and the architect of his death. The uniformed men grabbed him and dragged him through the facility as his life faded from him. Violently torn from solid ground Valentine felt himself slip from reality, ripped from sanity and any measure of sight he whirled and tumbled through whatever untold forces held this realm together, forced from one tragedy to the next. Each a fragment, pieces of torment stitched together through memory and pain. The life of a migrant worker, condemned and hated for finding the better life he wanted for his family, killed by an angry group of nationals. A mother separated from her child because she was too young, a deep scar remaining through her short life made to feel too long by the wound which lingered. A dozen more tragedies, a dozen more lives compressed and thrown into Valentines mind. These tortured scenes playing out for him over and again like a car crash on loop until they were ingrained in him just as they were in them. This whirling hurricane of repeated suffering was ground to a halt as Valentine found himself in a uniformed guards body, standing outside the door in a cold facility. He nodded to an officer and his personal guard then turned to follow them into the room, they closed the door behind them and turned out the lights. a middle aged pakistani man was brought into the room on the other side of the two way glass by a raising platform. He looked confused and scared as the officer barked his questions at the man through the microphone on the table. The memories came again in floods and flashes, memories of his meetings with another man, not an officer but a superior from another branch, he remembered the plans he told, the details he shared of his officers operations, the things he did and those who suffered from it. "In the name of peace and justice in this sandy ball of shit" he would always say in a way to justify the tortured bodies left in his wake. "No worse than what they already do to each other" echoed after each burned village or massacred family. "God damned monster" was the only thing on the soldiers mind with every new atrocity, contempt for his officer but never having the proof or the power to do anything until that other man came to him. The plan was set, in 2 days they would meet and finally bury that man, Colonel Patterson, 2 days when the colonel was set to meet with a known terrorist, two more days. The officer watched on disgusted as the colonel filled that room with liquid, he had never been in this room before he never knew what section of hell this was for the captured men to each of whom guilt was a matter of perspective, the colonels perspective alone. The man in the cell thrashed and fought against the water as it filled the room, clawing the ceiling and the walls hoping to get out when the soldier thought things were finally done he noticed, to his horror, that the man was still alive and breathing underwater. "Its a fairly new toy, got enough oxygen content in it that people can breathe just fine, hurts like hell though getting used to it. Sometimes these third world bastards even think they died and ascended to heaven that they are being judged by God himself and well, here I am." the colonel finished his explanation with a smile and a chuckle as he hit a switch to drain the tank cell. Once the man was settled and breathing air again the colonel leaned into the microphone to ask the questions again only getting confused responses and panicked pleas. Once again, twice, a third and fourth time the colonel drowned him, suspending him each time in this horrid state of drowning until finally he heard the mans acceptance to his fate. The colonel clicked his tongue in frustration before he set to flood the tank one final time, the soldier couldnt look away from the man whom he was powerless to help, the soldier met his eyes as the drowning man hopelessly stared, only seeing darkness on his side for sure. in those eyes he saw something, a sort of life, a knowing spark that brought the soldier to his resolve. Two men burst into the room causing the colonel to rise from his chair, the two had apparently felt the same as the soldier and had finally hit their breaking point when asked to "clean up" a family in the low end district of the nearby town. They fought with the colonel as he yelled back attempting to quell this rebellion before it started, getting rid of some locals was one thing, a couple of servicemen was an entire different league. The argument reached its climax when one man lunged at the colonel knocking him against the table, the other took up the cue and fought the bodyguard, while the soldier stood there unsure of whos side to take, just two more days, thats all it would have taken. But before he could decide the choice was made for him in the sound of a gunshot, then two more as the bullets found their home in the two soldiers skulls and one in the ceiling from the struggle. He stood there as the pool of his comrades blood inched toward his feet. " Clean this shit up" The colonel said to his bodyguard while he holstered his weapon, the only one allowed on base. The colonel adjusted himself, fixing his uniform while looking at the window, in the struggle he had hit the switch and was now emptying the cell "well i guess he gets to go a different way, still ends the same though. Kind of funny how things work out aint it, see if they hadnt have bumped me into that he would have had a gentle passing once the oxygen in there was replaced, real peaceful. It was a problem for a long time that some of the fluid would stay in their lungs and drown em after the oxygen was all used up, took them a few dunks but eventually it happened. That was a problem for me too because it didnt look natural enough, this way was the better solution to a nagging problem" The colonel sauntered closer to the soldier as he moved out of the way of the bodyguard who was busy with the dead men. "Sometimes though, not every nagging problem can be handled so easily, so smoothly, sometimes you have to get your hands dirty and you can''t be afraid of that, not if your gonna last in this game as long as I have, but i guess youll never have to worry about that will you." Realization dawned on the soldier too late, the colonel had already slid his knife into the soldiers chest between his ribs and digging into his heart. He clutched at the colonels lapel as his body sank, his legs unable to support him anymore, blood streaming down his side. The colonel kicked him off to the side and stepped over him heading down the stairs outside the room to the ground level. The soldier left there with his life pouring from his chest, staring at the empty doorway thinking of how he ever got here from his small town in Kentucky, from his high school prom, from his family to here. Just two more days to avoid wasting 22 years. Just Lines and Tragedies. "So, who was he?" The words seems to drag across the cavernous space between them. Slowing in the air already thick with unanswered questions. What else could he take from her? She gave him every bit of her, gave him her life yet he still took his own and stole her sanity with him. Like a snagged thread his memory unravels her as that rock of a ghost plummets through the stormy air. Now he comes for her time, her sense of everything. Time is experiences and all those that mattered were in her past, how could the present make sense if she''s never really there? She drifted in that sea of reflection a moment too long it seems as evidenced by the strangers gaze from across the table. This stranger Valentine. "Why does it have to be about a guy?" She asked in a low voice. "Doesn''t have to be, I just figured. Wearing a men''s shirt and mumbling his name as we walked over here, you know." He took a long sip from his coffee as he eyed her, his left hand sliding a glass of lemonade toward her. "Hunger and dehydration do that to ya. Hallucinations and disorientation and all that." She scoffs. "So now I''m hallucinating?" "Well...... You see me don''t you?" The faintest edge of a smile peers from around the cup lingering at his lips. Katherine''s eyes widen as his words cut into her, she jerks her head to the side. Scanning the diner for anything solid to hold onto. The other diners, did they notice him? The waitress, did she say anything? Katherine''s time encompasses her like fear, it was her fear, losing trust in everything. She shut her eyes tightly and turned back slowly but still too afraid to face whatever truth was there when she opened her eyes. "You ok hun? Y''all need a refill or some food?" The waitress says and it takes everything In Katherine not to scream "of course not!" But the stranger replies. " Let''s try some hashbrowns and toast, my friend and I had a rough night. Some carbs might help us a bit, I''ll have the same." Katherine opens her eyes and they dart between him and the waitress as she jots down the order and saunters off to the kitchen. Open mouthed astonishment is all she gives as the stranger Valentine continues to smile. Perfect porcelain teeth contrasting his dark smooth skin. Disbelief dissolves to anger as she realizes and swings her fist at him. "You fucking asshole!" Loud enough to turn a few heads but not loud enough to bring alarm. "You really wanna fuck with me like that?!" "Alright alright" he chuckles as he guards against her fist with his arms. "Might have been in poor taste but it got a reaction and a smile. Haven''t gotten anything that lively out of you since I''ve known you" "Oh and how long is that now?" She asked "Cosmically forever, realistically hm, a few hours. It was a long walk" "Why did we walk all the way over here anyway? This diner something special to you? What''s up with that cosmically thing?" "Maybe I just like to bring all my crazy dates here." "I''m not crazy!" She snaps at him. This isn''t a date, stays left said only in her head. The air swells in silence until their food arrives. It had been so long since Katherine had eaten that anything put in front of her became her new religion. She devoured everything she could without a word while the stranger slowly ate and did the same. " Cosmically just has a nice ring to it, reminds me that there was a beginning to everything. Something before we made our own world and filled it with trinkets of time." She raises her head and looks at him curiously. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. "Ya know, that question I couldn''t answer before you let us all know you aren''t crazy." He drinks another slow sip of coffee before he continues. "So who was he?" He parrots again after Katherine has stripped her plate clean. " Boyfriend, husband maybe? Brother?" "Fiance" she says softly while wiping her mouth just to stare at the plate some more. Anything other than his eyes. " He leave you or did he cheat?" "He left..... everyone. I guess that makes it better sometimes, it wasn''t just me." Under the table she fiddled with the sleeve of the jacket he had put over her shoulders, his jacket, picking at the button. Chewing on her lip and the thought of what it all meant. "I still feel cheated though." Being in this diner, sharing a meal with this stranger. Finally talking about him. "He just needed to get away so bad he couldn''t wait, had to jump off the fucking boat." The last words accented with her rough throat, catching in her pain. "He had to leave me in such a rush, no explanation, no reason just....gone." Her tears plinking on the ceramic plate. "I''m sorry." The stranger grumbles in his deep voice. "It''s ok. You didn''t know him, you''re just a stranger. Why did you stop for me?" "Stop? We were going the same way. You were just a little ahead of me, really you were in my way" The stranger says and Katherine returns his look with one of confusion. He had appeared seemingly out of nowhere and offered her his jacket. "Why were you out there?" Katherine asks "What was he like? Your fiance." He asks her, unphased by her questions he pushes on. "Was he good to you?" "He saved me and I couldn''t do the same for him" The words rolled out like she had rehearsed them everytime after her nightmares. Practicing them in the mirror to say at the court hearing for her soul. "He saw through me, really saw me. No matter who else I was at any time." No matter the years that passed deep down she was still the scared little choir girl. Dutiful and repentant, hoping to stay quiet in the loudest ways. Praying to avoid brimstone and hell just to live in a world of fresh scented demons. Oh glory, work the centerfold, show them your worth in perfect symmetry. Praise jesus, dont forget to smile. Never forget to smile. "I couldn''t show him the world he showed me." She scofffed and fiddled with the button on his jacket sleeve again, the highlights of their life together playing through her head. The years spent breaking away at the shells of who she built and called katherine. Here she was left bare and on her own in a diner with a man trying to chisel just a bit more away. But why? "Who did you want to be?" He asked "What do you mean?" Taken aback having been asked a question without any answers of her own. "You said ''no matter who else you were at anytime''. Seems like you wanted to be someone else." "Me. Whoever that was, still not too sure I''m all me. Doesnt feel quite genuine yet. How do you really know yourself? I mean arent you just what people see you as?" Thinking back on her career choices, the modeling agency, the websites, the social media accounts and parties. "Like how you react to them and the things you say determine who you are. The thoughts they have of you can always be different but who you are with them is who you are." Highlights of them together, the things he would tell her and the way he would love her and the way she acted like she believed it. The way she did beleive it. Just never the words, it was always the feeling for her. The love and comfort that brought her out of herself, the one she made. The times she noticed her lies she called her interests, her happiness. Each frame of memory flashing by, the reel runs, the movie plays out to time and now. The recurring memory that never lasts until you look back. "Then who are you when you''re alone?" He interrupts with a quick retort and another sip of his coffee. A deep breathe and a sigh. "Cosmically anything, physically the same but everything on the inside. The things that make me feel like me, it''s like I''m still a child just trying to build a person I would be proud of. I''m someone new everytime I look in the mirror and that has scared me for the longest time." Before she realizes it she''s met his gaze, staring into his eyes as she speaks. Before she can catch herself she''s letting herself feel that same thing with this stranger Valentine and falling into that dangerous allure of comfort. Wondering why she is telling him so much, why she can''t look away from him and who he is to be making her feel this way. "Who are you?" Escapes her lips as she maintains their stare. "What would make you proud to see? The child you." He asks ignoring her question again. "Completeness. Who are you?" She fires back a rapid answer and asks her question, stubborn in her conviction and tense in the anger building from within her throat. She leans forward on the table shortening the space between them. " What makes you complete?" He smiles, rigid and unmoved by her assertive stance and the bite in her tone. "Honesty, brutal fucking honesty without judgement. Tell me who the fuck you are!" She yells out in a firm voice a deep painful treble underlying it that holds more than just her conviction. She leans even closer, her body rising from her seat as the chair screeches on the floor pushed back by her legs. Heads turn just like before, silence for everyone except the two who hear nothing but the blood in their ears. "You know me. Thats what bothers you so much. Searching for reason in insanity makes you insane. there was never a time I didn''t love you, I just couldn''t be enough." Slamming her palm against the table and losing herself in the words he said. "You asshole! Your were more than enough you were everything to me!" A shriek more than a yell, a strike more than words, aimed at her happiest source of pain. Pain enough to transcend the walls of her fragile reality. Lost enough in her grief and anger not to question a single thing. Real enough she stopped caring where sanity stayed and this began. Hurt enough to lunge at him and pull at his shirt. To cry and yell, to scratch and hit, to let loose the pain that comes of haunting your own life. "I was never enough for myself." He tells her through the clammer, through the hands swimming through the turbulent sea of chaos. Hers to strike him, the hands of the cook pulling her away and his own still holding his now empty coffee cup. Accepting everything with the distant look of someone defeated. "Never enough." He echoed into his coffee. Enough