《The Impossible Sister》 1 - A Harsh Truth
I¡¯d always admired one person in my year more than anyone else. It was a feeling that most of the people in my year shared, I have to admit it wasn¡¯t anything unique. Even so I had to keep it a secret to myself. Why do I mention it? I exited the club room after another practice session with my bandmates. We were getting ready to take part in a small live show at a local bar on the weekend. I was really excited! I was the guitar player. We didn¡¯t make heavy music ¨C we made the kind of music that was acceptable to the club advisors and faculty members. I¡¯m going somewhere with this, I promise! So, I leave the clubroom and prepare myself for the walk home. It¡¯s a summer evening, the sun baking the school in a deep orange glow. I see her stood at the end of the corridor, the student president ¨C Reina Nakamura. Reina was hard to miss, she was tall, dark and beautiful. With neatly trimmed black hair that cascaded down front and back, purple eyes, and a characteristic beauty mark on her left cheek. It was a rare sight for Reina to be alone. She had a dedicated gaggles of fans (girls and boys) who¡¯d follow her around every day. I walked towards her to reach the stairs, she turned from staring out of the window to look at me. ¡°Good evening,¡± she greeted me. Despite her friendly words Reina¡¯s face was always rigid, carefully controlled and difficult to read. ¡°Good evening President,¡± I responded. ¡°You¡¯re here late.¡± Me and the music club often stayed after hours to practice using the school¡¯s equipment when nobody was around to be annoyed by it. Despite the room¡¯s name ¨C the music room was not properly soundproofed. The student council didn¡¯t, they handled their work during lunch breaks throughout the week. Reina placed a finger on one cheek and closed her eyes, ¡°Yes, my homeroom teacher asked me to stay behind and help.¡± I nodded, unsure of what to say next. ¡°I heard you, is the club doing well?¡± Speaking about a subject I was passionate about filled me with confidence, ¡°Yeah! We¡¯re getting ready for our first real performance this weekend.¡± I put my hands into my jacket¡¯s pockets. It was a light blue coat with white stripes down the arms. I mention this because Reina was oddly fixated on the action. She followed my hands, and then scanned me up and down.Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°Oh, are your family waiting for you?¡± ¡°Ah, I live with my grandma¡­¡± ¡°Apologies, we¡¯ve not spoken at length before.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it ¨C it¡¯s kind of unusual, right?¡± Reina¡¯s stone face didn¡¯t match her words, but the inflection of her sentence indicated that she was interested in digging further. ¡°You must be very close then.¡± ¡°Yep, it¡¯s me and her.¡± Reina¡¯s eyed narrowed, ¡°I must apologize, I had the wrong impression of you.¡± ¡°Oh? How so?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I thought that you were a delinquent.¡± ¡°Harsh...¡± ¡°But it¡¯s clear that you¡¯re a very responsible person. I have a bad habit of judging people by their appearance.¡± Reina turned back to the window and resumed observing the sunset. ¡°It¡¯s the jacket, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Are you happy with yourself Hideki?¡± I was caught off guard by her question, ¡°Happy with myself?¡± ¡°Does the sight of your face in a mirror beset a sudden bout of nausea? Does your chest burn when you think about your future? Do you have any regrets?¡± I shook my head; I didn¡¯t really get what Reina meant. It seemed like she just changed the subject of the conversation entirely. ¡°I guess¡­ sometimes I do. I mean, does anybody live without regrets?¡± I felt an almost animalistic chill run up and down my spine. Reina idly played with a lock of her hair, twirling it around and around¡­ I felt an intense pressure, I wanted to get away from this conversation. Reina smiled. The first I¡¯d ever seen. ¡°An interesting answer. But you aren¡¯t being entirely honest with me, not that I expect you to.¡± I shuffled over to the stairs. But she continued, ¡°If you could change everything tomorrow, would you?¡± ¡°Depends on what you mean by everything.¡± Reina held back a muffled laugh. ¡°That¡¯s up to you. Have a good evening Hideki.¡± ¡°You too.¡± I jogged down the stairs and out of the school. Her words tumbled through my mind. On the route home I thought through them again and again. What did she mean by all of that? Was she just messing with me? I approached the small home that I shared with my Grandmother and opened the door using my key. I stepped into the landing and pulled off my shoes, ¡°I¡¯m back!¡± There was no response, nor could I hear any sounds coming from inside. It was unusual. MY grandmother always acknowledged me when I came home. I wondered to myself is she¡¯d fallen asleep or had gotten distracted speaking to one of our neighbours. I hung up my bag and jacket and walked into the kitchen. Perhaps it was my mind attempting to reduce the shock, or maybe I just didn¡¯t notice. But I stood there for almost five seconds before noticing something, or someone, lying on the ground. Their face still, a mask of somebody I once knew, who lived and loved and laughed... ¡°Grandma!¡± 2 - A Kindness
My seat was empty for the next week. There were rumours, and a newspaper article only made things worse. But nobody would broach that subject to my face - not when I came back. Even Reina kept her piece. An irrational part of my mind wondered if my Grandmother¡¯s passing had something to do with those words she left me with. But I was chasing shadows, Reina had nothing to do with it. At least that¡¯s what I thought at first. Our concert was cancelled due to my absence, but all of my friends in the club were understanding. Some even gave me their condolences when they saw me again. I tried to power through the pain in my heart. My Grandmother was old, and she¡¯d been having health problems for years, I knew it was coming eventually. The more current concern was what I was going to do about my living situation. The house was left to me, being the last living family member. I couldn¡¯t pay tax or bills; I didn¡¯t even have a part-time job. Grandma¡¯s savings would keep me going for a few months, but she was a retiree. They wouldn¡¯t last for long. Clouds fogged my mind. With grief and with worry. The music club gave me a daily escape though. We¡¯d come back more determined than ever to make our debut. I secretly started writing my own little tribute¡­ It was three days after I came back when I saw her again. Reina, stood in the same spot as the last time we spoke. Our eyes met immediately. She bowed her head, ¡°Good evening Hideki.¡± ¡°President.¡± I slowly wandered over, dusting off my jacket. ¡°I heard the news.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I nodded, ¡°It sucks.¡± Reina closed her eyes, ¡°I know how it feels, I¡¯ve lost close family myself.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I asked. ¡°Would you mind talking about it?¡± Reina¡¯s lips thinned and I briefly worried that I¡¯d overstepped my bounds. But soon she returned to normal. ¡°My sister, Hanasaki. It¡¯ll be five years soon.¡± She placed a manicured finger against her temple, an action that drew my eyes. ¡°I wish I could say that it gets easier, but losing somebody is something that you can never forget, isn¡¯t it?¡± I nodded; it wasn¡¯t what I wanted to hear. But she was right. ¡°I saw her in the hospital, sometimes I wish I didn¡¯t; I didn¡¯t want my last memory of her to be¡­ her body.¡± Reina turned to look out of the window. It was the most emotion I¡¯d seen out of her. She was always carefully measured. ¡°I was depressed for a good while. There is no proper way to grieve, so you should do what you feel is right.¡±A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. ¡°Thank you.¡± I didn¡¯t know what to take away from the conversation ¨C but it would be rude of me to not thank her for telling me about something so personal. ¡°You remind me of her, of Hana.¡± I looked down at myself. ¡°I didn¡¯t realize she was so¡­ masculine.¡± Reina sighed, ¡°No, silly. Hana was my twin sister, we¡¯re identical. She was much¡­ friendlier than I am. And wasn¡¯t afraid to change how she looked. She liked her jacket too.¡± ¡°Is that why you spoke to me?¡± ¡°Not necessarily. I¡­¡± Her face twisted into a pained grimace, ¡°I felt like something bad was going to happen.¡± I frowned, sounds crazy right? ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°Call it fate.¡± ¡°Fate?¡± Reina spun on her heel to face me directly again. Her perfectly maintained hair flew through the air before settling back into it¡¯s normal position. ¡°Fate. I felt like you¡¯d lost someone close to you.¡± Reina¡¯s claim might have offended me or enraged me at another time. I felt resigned, I didn¡¯t feel like arguing with her. Reina¡¯s face showed a small amount of self-awareness, ¡°I apologise. I am not making light of you.¡± ¡°If you could, would you bring her back?¡± Reina seemed deep in thought, ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s a person in the world who wouldn¡¯t. I would not interfere with the order of things¡­¡± It was a strange answer. Not questioning the integrity of the question, not the realism of it. Her assessment immediately bought into the idea that such a thing could be done. Reina¡¯s eyes glowed in the low light. I looked to the ground. I had a sudden feeling of sadness, unlike the other kind of slow, lingering sadness that came with the death of my guardian. ¡°I don¡¯t have any family, I¡¯m on my own.¡± I could hear Reina¡¯s footsteps approaching, and then a hand on my shoulder. ¡°If you wish to speak, you can always visit the council room. I would be happy to have you. I assume you would prefer not to be referred to the school nurse.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯ve already had that talk with them.¡± I found myself glancing at Reina¡¯s hand. It was perfect from one perspective. Smooth skin without a blemish, finely treated nails that were free from extra colouring. The light flush of blood running through them. I was reminded of how I¡¯d admired her from afar for so long. She was a model student, her popularity enduring amongst many groups in the school. ¡°Maybe I will visit the club one day and hear you sing.¡± I laughed her off, ¡°Don¡¯t joke about that pres, I¡¯m a terrible singer.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no such thing as a terrible singer, only those who haven¡¯t practiced. That¡¯s what my sister would say.¡± Reina removed her palm from my shoulder. ¡°But if you want ¨C you can stop by. Our drummer, Kei, he¡¯ll probably faint when he sees you though.¡± Kei was a big fan, huge fan, openly crushing on her at every opportunity. I didn¡¯t want to be harsh, but he wasn¡¯t the most attractive person and I highly doubted that the two of them meeting would go the way he was imagining. ¡°Ah, I understand.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got to go, since you know¡­ I¡¯m making my own meals now.¡± Reina took a deep breath and nodded. For some reason she seemed incredibly fixated on my eyes, the direct eye contact being unusual given her evasiveness. ¡°Have a good evening Hideki.¡± When I returned to the lonely home that I now occupied. I couldn¡¯t get it out of my head. I entered the downstairs toilet and looked into the mirror. My messy, semi-long hair was unchanged. MY skin had cleared up a bit recently, but nothing that would elicit such a reaction. I stared at myself, playing an impromptu match of spot the difference. But I didn¡¯t see anything except the emergence of a new spot on one of my cheeks. I closed my purple eyes and turned off the lights as I left. 3- A Change
Maybe part of me felt that things shouldn¡¯t have gone on as usual. Like I deserved some kind of punishment for going about my days alone, with Grandma. But they did. I¡¯d wake up, eat, go to school, and visit the club after hours. On repeat, every day. It kept me from thinking too much about it. I wasn¡¯t lonely, I had a lot of very supportive friends who made it known that I could go to them, and I even made some new ones after they approached me. From an objective standpoint my life was in tatters. It was a horrible feeling to go home and to expect to hear her voice welcoming me back. Me, Kei and Johnny (his ¡°stage name¡±) were setting up in the room for a practice session. Our bassist, Shinsuke, had a prior engagement to go to that left us one man down. There were other club members apart from us. Like the club leader, Matoi, and his keyboardist friend Saaya, but they rarely visited on the evenings. Except that evening, when Matoi decided to drop in on our session. I was tuning my guitar when the door slid open. I was expecting Reina to be stood there, but it was Matoi ¨C crazy curly hair and all. ¡°It¡¯s Matoi the mysterious!¡± Kei laughed. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± Matoi pulled on his blazer and entered the room. The club room itself was a normal club room, like you¡¯d find anywhere else ¨C with a small elevated stage for the shared drum kit, and piles of instruments and music books tossed everywhere else. There were four chairs up against the wall by the door. He took one of the seats and leaned back against the wall. ¡°I came to check on you guys. It¡¯s been quiet during the breaks.¡± I strummed a chord with the guitar, ¡°Well, we¡¯re not allowed to make much noise when class is on, are we?¡± ¡°I thought that teacher was going to kill me¡­¡± Johnny sighed. Matoi seemed oddly fixated on me, ¡°Is there something on my face?¡± He squinted his eyes, as if trying to zoom in on me. ¡°Did you always have that mole there?¡± ¡°Mole? It¡¯s a spot.¡± ¡°It¡¯s black like a mole.¡± ¡°But it grew like a spot, have you ever heard of anyone growing a mole?¡± Kei butted in, ¡°I read that they can grow on you.¡± Johnny shook his head, ¡°What kind of weird shit are you looking at?¡± ¡°You look like the council President.¡± Matoi stood and wandered over to me, leaning in to have a closer look. ¡°A butt ugly version of her,¡± I commented irritably. I leant back to try and evade his scrutiny. ¡°He doesn¡¯t smell half as nice¡­¡± Kei grumbled. ¡°Why, have you been smelling me?¡± Kei¡¯s face reddened with embarrassment. I decided to try and change the subject from my acne. ¡°Speaking of the president, I¡¯ve spoken to her a few times this past month.¡± Matoi seemed bemused, ¡°Oh, are you a big shot now Hideki?¡± ¡°No, she was just outside of the room. We talked a bit about the¡­ you know.¡± ¡°Right.¡± I glanced at Kei who was clearly jealous, ¡°She¡¯s just doing her job.¡± Johnny tapped the microphone against his hand, ¡°Are we gonna¡¯ keep screwing around, or are we jamming? Hey Matoi, you know how to play bass?¡± ¡°I know enough.¡± Matoi stood and took the bass guitar for himself. Johnny guided Matoi through his parts and we started practicing with some covers of our favourite music. We were still working on writing some of our own. Johnny was a good vocalist, even if his brand was obnoxious and overbearing at times. The session went well. My eyes glazed over as we went through our usual set list with the occasional break for Matoi to get his bearings. The callouses on my fingers standing in contrast to the otherwise unblemished skin. I felt like there was something strange at the time ¨C like things weren¡¯t quite right. I had to stretch further and move my hands more aggressively to play properly. My usually messy hair hung down and framed my face, hiding me from anybody looking. The song winded down, Johnny said something, but I was too focused to catch it. I looked up and noticed a new figure stood in the doorway, Reina. She gave us a polite applause before crossing her hands again like she always did, ¡°Good evening.¡± ¡°Hey President, what brings you up here?¡± Matoi asked, putting the bass back down into its place. ¡°I was curious, I always hear you playing but I¡¯ve never been in this room before.¡± Reina looked over the equipment and seating that had been set up by our seniors years prior. ¡°This is¡­ less than ideal.¡± Matoi let out an ugly croak of a laugh, ¡°You¡¯re telling me. You wouldn¡¯t catch me dead standing up on that stage.¡± Kei took objection, ¡°Come on Matoi, it¡¯s a foot off the ground, at most!¡± Reina stepped into the room and slid the door shut behind her. She stood out, not in the way that she¡¯d never hung around with us before ¨C but it was something more otherworldly. Like she was a foreground character on an animated background. I could see her outline. Everything she was and where. She stood next to me. I looked up to her from my chair. The argument died down. ¡°You know, I never noticed before, but you look a lot like the president Hideki.¡± Matoi stood and stretched himself out. ¡°Now that you¡¯re stood next to each other and all.¡± ¡°What? We¡¯re nothing alike.¡± To start with the obvious, I¡¯m male. My hair was straight, but much shorter than hers. And while we had the same eye colour and beauty mark, it¡¯s not like our faces were the same¡­ The thought gave me pause ¨C an unsettling feeling welled up in my chest. What was it? That¡¯s how I¡¯d always looked, wasn¡¯t it? I couldn¡¯t put my finger on it. And not knowing was making me feel uneasy. ¡°You look pale Hideki, are you feeling okay?¡± She asked, her head tilted slightly as if it was a calculated attempt to be as charming as possible.If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡°Uh, I¡¯m fine. It¡¯s nothing.¡± ¡°She¡¯s right, you look like you¡¯re about to throw up, you need a minute?¡± I kicked back in my chair and waved Matoi off, ¡°I said I¡¯m fine ¨C I don¡¯t feel sick.¡± I looked down at my own fingers. My hands did look paler than a moment before. I liked to spend a lot of time outside, so I was pretty tanned in the summer. ¡°Your performance was rather impressive, although the genre isn¡¯t to my taste.¡± Kei stood from the drum kit and hopped down from the stage, ¡°What kind of music are you into Pres?¡± Reina had walked into a question that she didn¡¯t want to answer. She hummed and stammered before admitting her crime. ¡°I mostly just listen to what¡¯s on the radio.¡± A greater offense had never been committed in the music club¡¯s room. Kei was visibly in pain. ¡°You¡¯re killing me Pres; you¡¯re really killing me.¡± A light dusting of red covered her pale cheeks. ¡°Not even a favourite artist? You gotta¡¯ have at least one.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think much about it I¡¯m afraid.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but laugh at the exchange. ¡°What are your hobbies President? Reina shuffled in place, ¡°On a normal day, I like to go to the shrine near my house, if I have time.¡± ¡°And?¡± ¡°Hm. I paint sometimes; my father leaves a lot of leftover supplies around the house.¡± ¡°Oh right, your dad is a famous artist, isn¡¯t he?¡± Kei nodded. Reina shook her head, ¡°Not famous, but it¡¯s enough for us to live on.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no need to be modest Reina, your house is huge.¡± ¡°It has been in our family for generations, he couldn¡¯t purchase such a thing alone.¡± ¡°Join the music club, we¡¯ll teach you to play bass.¡± Matoi chuckled, ¡°He¡¯s gone for one day and you¡¯re already pawning off his spot?¡± I was hit with a bout of light-headedness. Reina noticed immediately. ¡°I think you should go home Hideki; would you like me to walk you there?¡± I relented, ¡°Fine. Maybe I don¡¯t feel so hot right now.¡± I don¡¯t even remember getting up or leaving the school building. The world blurred around me into a whirlwind of shapes and sounds and colours. I could feel Reina¡¯s arm wrapped around me, dragging me through the streets of our town. I knew where we were going, and it wasn¡¯t my house like Reina had promise. We stumbled up a long set of stairs, underneath towering red arches, the concrete underfoot told me we had arrived at Reina¡¯s favourite place - the shrine. I was let go. I fell to my knees and tried to gather myself. But my condition was only worsening. ¡°R-Reina, where¡­ what are we doing here?¡± The concrete was cold under my fingers. I couldn¡¯t see. I couldn¡¯t see. Where was she? Where was Reina? ¡°Reina! Reina! Where are you?¡± My voice grew hoarse, it¡¯s tone jumping an octave as my voice cracked. ¡°I¡¯m here Hideki.¡± ¡°Why did you bring me here? I need to go home¡­¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s no home of yours.¡± I breathed deeply, it felt like I couldn¡¯t get enough air into my lungs. ¡°What?¡± I didn¡¯t have the time to ask a proper question. ¡°That¡¯s no home of yours. It won¡¯t be.¡± My chest grew irritated, like a thousand needles had started poking me. I pulled at it, desperate to keep the fabric from contacting it. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Hideki, I¡¯m afraid that this is my fault.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I¡¯m touched by the god of this shrine. Sometimes when my mind wanders ¨C a wish is granted.¡± I didn¡¯t understand what she was saying ¨C a wish? Praying to the gods? I gasped as my body shrunk. I could feel it, it shrunk and shrunk. My teenage framed compacting down until I resembled¡­ Reina. My eyesight returned. I was facing her feet, sprawled on the ground like a bum. ¡°Surely you¡¯ve noticed already. Your eyes and your hair. They¡¯ve changed.¡± ¡°Why?! What the hell is going on!?¡± ¡°I was devastated when I heard the news Hideki. I felt sorry for you. I lost a sister, but I still have my mother and father. I can¡¯t imagine what it¡¯s like to lose everyone. To go back to an empty home, with nobody to rely on.¡± She got down on one knee and pulled the other underneath. She laid her hands in her lap and simply watched me. ¡°What is happening to me?¡± ¡°¡­A few years ago. My father was considering quitting art. After my sister passed, and after his business dried up. I didn¡¯t want him to quit ¨C it was his passion. He¡¯d dedicated his life to the craft. I came to this shrine every day and prayed for his success.¡± ¡°What does this have to do¡­¡± I cried out as my clothes slowly grew larger on my diminishing frame. My hair grew longer by the second, draping down to touch the ground beneath me. ¡°¡­with me?¡± ¡°I never got over Hana. I couldn¡¯t pretend to. We were very close, as close as sisters could be. Sometimes I would pray here at this shrine and hope for the same kind of miracle that struck my father. I started to notice that strange things happened when I did¡­¡± ¡°You¡­ you turned me into her?¡± Something uncomfortable was happening downstairs. My testicles and penis pulling inside and forming a new opening. My crotch area tensed and relaxed outside of my control. I felt a new weight on my chest and a pair of large breasts grew in where my pec muscles used to be. Reina closed her eyes again and took a measured breath, the hot air condensing in the evening cool. ¡°¡­At first I was excited. What an amazing power. I could do anything that I wanted, within reason ¨C within the imagination of a young girl. But as I grew older, I realized that this world wasn¡¯t a place for me to play; the lives of others weren¡¯t toys for my amusement. Perhaps the god of this shrine was testing me. Perhaps they decided to play with me instead. I ceased my wishes and resigned myself to what I¡¯d done. My father had his art back ¨C and the thought of disturbing my sister¡¯s rest never once crossed my mind.¡± ¡°So what¡¯s happening to me!¡± My voice was undeniably feminine now ¨C with every syllable I sounded more and more like Reina. My adam¡¯s apple disappeared. ¡°I asked a question to you a few days ago, about if you¡¯d change everything if you could. I saw the pain that you held in your heart ¨C so I came here and unboxed my greatest shame once again. If I had this blessing, could I use it for the benefit of another?¡± I regained enough motor control to push myself up to my own knees. The clothes of my body were far too large. My chest had swelled, my hips had widened, my calloused fingers became longer and more graceful. I could tell that my hair had become long and black like hers. My face hurt. My cheeks were round, soft, but with the high cheekbones that gave Reina her beautiful looks. But through it all. I felt resistance in my heart. Did I want this? ¡°I asked because I didn¡¯t want to play with your feelings. I came here right away and prayed for you, and for myself. That you¡¯d find a family, so that you didn¡¯t have to endure any more pain. I noticed it yesterday, you look so much like her.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t be her¡­ I¡¯m Hideki.¡± ¡°No, you can¡¯t be Hana. Hana is gone.¡± Reina shuffled to me. I shivered as the cool air leaking in through the gaps in my clothing. Her hands wrapped around my neck and pulled me close to her. Her breath spilled over my face. She smiled ¨C an earnest smile that split her face in two. I¡¯d never seen anything like it. Her hands ran through my hair. ¡°You want this, don¡¯t you? We would not be here if you didn¡¯t.¡± I shook my head. My ears and throat burned with tears. What could I possibly say? ¡°You don¡¯t have to be Hideki. You don¡¯t have to be Hana. But¡­ you have to be my sister. You can make a home with me.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, I don¡¯t know,¡± I cried. Reina pulled me into a hug. She smelled familiar; I buried my face in her hair as my body was wracked with emotion. ¡°I¡¯ll look after you. Come with me. You don¡¯t have to live alone.¡± We stayed there in each other¡¯s arms for what felt like an eternity. It was over like that ¨C one moment I was Hideki ¨C and the next I was Reina¡¯s sister. I knew that something wasn¡¯t right. Would the old me have resisted the change? Or was she right that it was conditional on my consent? I¡¯d never have thoughts about being a woman, not once in my life. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you just make me forget and turn me into Hana?¡± I asked. Why didn¡¯t she just make it go away? Reina¡¯s grip tightened, ¡°I didn¡¯t want anyone else. I wanted Hideki. That pain, that memory ¨C that is yours. That is Hideki. If I took that away, I¡¯d be no better than a murderer.¡± ¡°And turning me into your twin was so much better huh¡­¡± ¡°Yes, you can now share in my glory. Did you not find me attractive?¡± I found myself laughing ¨C a wretched, snot filled laugh. It was the first time that I¡¯d ever heard Reina tell a joke. ¡°When somebody finds you attractive, that doesn¡¯t mean they want to become you.¡± The hug came to an end. I could see myself in the reflection of her eyes, we really did look the same. Except that my beauty mark was in a slightly different spot to hers. It was then that I realized that I was half naked. I pulled my jacket tight over my body in an attempt to insulate myself. ¡°Can we finish this somewhere else?¡± Reina nodded, ¡°Let¡¯s go home.¡± 4 - A Home
Reina¡¯s house was obscene. It dwarfed mine five times over, with a courtyard garden, open plan floors with a traditional Japanese style, and a large metal gate with intimidating lion sculptures atop them. Reina had smuggled me down to her home, covering my body from potential voyeurs with her school jacket. She unlocked the gate with her key and ushered me inside. I stood in awe of the place while she put away her bag and coat. I only kicked off my shoes when Reina started walking away without me. ¡°What about your parents?¡± I asked. ¡°They¡¯re your parents too.¡± With that cryptic statement said ¨C she pulled me through the house and into what I assumed was her bedroom. It was fairly plain, with a bed, wardrobe, and desk. Books were placed on various surfaces, and a noticeboard that contained writings and photos from various times was hung on one wall. I nearly jumped into the wardrobe when I heard a voice from outside. ¡°Reina, are you home?¡± ¡°Yes mother.¡± ¡°Is Miyako with you?¡± Reina looked down at me, I shrugged. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t take too long, dinner is nearly ready.¡± ¡°Yes mother,¡± Reina answered again. The feet shuffled away from the door. My poor heart was finally given a brief respite. ¡°Miyako?¡± I asked, a sense of recognition, like the one I felt earlier. ¡°That¡¯s feels like¡­ my name.¡± Reina kicked her feet to and fro, ¡°It seems that our wish has inserted you into my life. What good would it be if you weren¡¯t included?¡± ¡°So, by giving me a family ¨C this god of yours just made me into your second sister?¡± ¡°That seems to be the case.¡± ¡°First problem.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know how to be a girl.¡± ¡°That is a concern.¡± ¡°Like makeup¡­ self-care¡­ fashion, I¡¯m no good at any of that. So this illusion will immediately fall apart when I accidently walk into the boy¡¯s bathroom at school.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not an illusion, you look every bit the part of my dear third sister.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve accepted this very quickly.¡± ¡°I am very excited to have a sister.¡± If she was, she didn¡¯t show it. Her face was a stoic as always. I sighed. This girl. I was practically a stranger even though we¡¯d poured our hearts out to each other a few times. I hopped to my feet and paced around the room. I stopped by the cork board and took a closer look at Reina¡¯s photo collection. There were some of her with friends I wasn¡¯t familiar with, but others included¡­ me. There was one that really got my attention. In it three girls, two of them wearing cheap party hats ¨C smile for the camera in front of a large cake. ¡°Have you seen this?¡± I asked. Reina walked over and took a look. ¡°This photo ¨C it was me and Hana at my sixth birthday party. It seems that we have a new addition.¡± ¡°Is that me? Are we twins?¡± ¡°We do look the same, I suppose we are identical twins.¡± ¡°Is it normal for one of the twins to have all of the style, grace and good manners?¡± ¡°Is it normal for one of them to be a schoolmate transformed into my sister by a Shinto god enshrined near my house?¡± She fired back. ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re okay with that? Inviting me into your life like this?¡± ¡°You are a good person, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Why do you always answer my questions with more questions. The only person who makes that judgement is you, my testimony doesn¡¯t mean anything.¡± I could trace the life of Miyako through the photos that Reina had taken, we visibly grew older before¡­ Hana disappeared from them. I¡¯d never met her ¨C but it still made me feel sad. This is what her life meant to someone. ¡°I¡¯ll turn you back if you are terrible and horrible. You are on probation. But¡­ I don¡¯t think that he would have helped you if you had a weak heart.¡± I sighed. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°For now, I see no need for you to act any differently. Your behaviour and manners have not changed, that is what everybody will be expecting of you.¡± ¡°Clothes, I need some clothes before your mother and father see me.¡± ¡°They¡¯re yours too¡­¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t I have a room as well, let¡¯s go find it.¡± We exited Reina¡¯s room and crept around the house in search of my own quarters. ¡°I think it¡¯s over here,¡± Reina speculated, ¡°we weren¡¯t using this room for anything before.¡± She pulled open the door to reveal a room that was¡­ pretty much my old room with a different floor. Unlike the simplicity of Reina¡¯s room, mine was plastered from top to bottom with posters for various bands and festivals. I had a dresser topped by a large TV and sound system, and in the corner there was even an electric guitar and amplifier. ¡°I even get my own guitar. This is getting better by the second.¡± ¡°Hm, this is interesting.¡± Reina picked apart my room while I pulled open the wardrobe and looked for something to wear. ¡°What do you wear to dinner Reina?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have time to change, so I wear my uniform.¡± I pilfered the wardrobe for the girl¡¯s uniform from my school. ¡°Give me a hand with this. I need a crash course on how to be a good lady.¡± Reina pushed past me as I laid it out of my bed. A white bra and set of underwear were thrown on top. ¡°Don¡¯t forget these, you will regret it.¡± I flashed back to how it felt up at the shrine and shuddered, I didn¡¯t want to feel that again. Even if it meant putting on a bra. I hesitated as I started to pull off my jacket and shirt. ¡°Uh, should I do this in front of you?¡± ¡°While it may save you from embarrassment, I should point out that I would have to be a rather prolific narcissist to find my identical twin sister attractive.¡± Completely deadpan. ¡°You never know, some people are like that¡­¡± ¡°I will close my eyes if you wish.¡± ¡°J-just turn around, and I¡¯ll say if I need help.¡± Reina turned around and I went about the business of stripping off my old clothes. The jacket¡¯s sleeves were so long now that they covered my hands, but it wasn¡¯t so much that it was unusable. The other pieces of my uniform were a total write off. There was no way I could wear these anymore. Not to mention that it would break the uniform code to wear trousers as female student. With every piece I removed the more I slowed. I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was now a girl. I looked down at my own breasts with a forlorn gaze. This was just way too inconvenient. I poked my nipple with a finger just to see. Yep, that¡¯s really damn sensitive. I noticed that I had another mole on the top of my right breast. For some reason I found that really interesting. ¡°I hear you sighing, is something wrong?¡± ¡°No. I¡¯ll hurry up.¡± If I was still a man, and if it wasn¡¯t me, I¡¯d say that I was pretty hot. Should I be pleased about that? It meant that all the boys would be looking at me¡­ I pulled on the panties (I wasn¡¯t even going to look down there) and tried in vain to get the bra on to little success. ¡°Reina, can you give me a hand with this?¡±If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Reina took the straps from me and hooked up the bra, it applied a light pressure to the skin. ¡°As much as I enjoy skinship, I will not always be here to do this for you.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m useless. I get it.¡± The rest of the uniform required no assistance. I dusted off the long skirt and looked at myself in the wardrobe¡¯s mirror. I looked the splitting image of Reina, in some of the latest photos I had my hair done up in some kind of bun to make me stand out. God knows if I was capable of doing that now, I left it as is. ¡°That should be acceptable.¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way they¡¯re going to buy this. I even talk differently to you!¡± ¡°Do not worry sister. We must merely stay the course ¨C agree to everything they say, and we can get through this meal with minimal suspicion. As far as mother and father are concerned, you¡¯ve always been here.¡± I rolled my eyes, there was no room for argument as she powered out of the room and towards the dining hall. Reina slid the door open. The dining room was western styled ¨C with a long table and modern leather chairs. There was a large landscape art piece on one wall, surely a creation of Reina¡¯s father. A middle-aged woman wearing a traditional dress sat at the head. ¡°There you are! Did you both have a nice day at school?¡± Reina was correct. It seemed that her wish really had altered everything. Her mother greeted us both as if nothing was amiss ¨C even though a stranger had moved into her home. ¡°Yes mother, the student council is keeping me very busy.¡± I grappled with my own answer, flickering halfway between imitating her style of speech and sticking with my own. ¡°Yes, we uh¡­ we had a good practice session.¡± It was good enough to satisfy her. Me and Reina took our seats. My heart skipped a beat as her eyes landed on me, ¡°I do wish you¡¯d picked a different club Miyako, there are too many boys in that music club of yours.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not the only girl there. Saaya would have their heads if anything bad happened.¡± I wasn¡¯t lying. Saaya was a complete hard-ass. Any monkey business on her watch was asking for trouble. I tried to calm myself down with some deep breaths. Reina tapped her cheek with an extended finger. ¡°Miya is much stronger than me ¨C she could probably fight them all and win.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a guitarist, not a martial artist¡­¡± Our newly shared mother bristled at the thought, ¡°Don¡¯t suggest things like that Reina.¡± ¡°My apologies.¡± ¡°Dinner should be ready, go fetch your father.¡± Reina¡¯s mother stood from her seat and retreated through a set of sliding doors to what looked like a kitchen. Reina was on her feet before I could ask and shuffling through the door. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a moment.¡± I was left alone with my thoughts again. I rubbed my legs together and pulled down on the black skirt that I was wearing. How the hell did this happen? A few hours ago I was having a good time with my friends in the clubroom, and now I was playing imposter in somebody else¡¯s family. The door opened again, and Reina entered the room alongside and older man with grey tipped hair. ¡°Oh, you came home together?¡± ¡°Yes father, I went to watch Miyako play after our meeting adjourned.¡± ¡°And did you do your hair differently today? This old man can¡¯t tell you two apart like this, you know how my eyes are,¡± he chuckled before sitting at the head of the table. ¡°I uh, took it down when I got back.¡± Reina took the seat next to me. Part of me wanted to show up at school tomorrow with my hair matching Reina¡¯s, just to mess with people. But the princess bangs weren¡¯t really my style. Our mother came through the doors and began to lay out the table. It was a nice change from the past few weeks where I survived off of my own subpar cooking and the occasional microwaved snack. We said our thanks and began to eat. There weren¡¯t any more words shared while we did so. The room settled into a silence that for them was comfortable, but for me was profoundly worrying. I was waiting for the moment when one of them pointed a finger at me and asked who I was. But it never came ¨C I completed my meal and rested my hands in my lap without it ever happening. ¡°That was delicious mom,¡± the old man smiled. She bowed her head with a smile of her own. ¡°Miyako, how is your club? I barely get to hear about it these days.¡± It took me a moment to compose my backstory, I had to assume that the events of the past few weeks had still occurred as is. ¡°We were going to do our first show outside of school, but we had to cancel it, somebody had a¡­ family emergency. Hopefully we can organize something else soon.¡± He nodded along with my story, ¡°Reina, how¡¯s the council?¡± ¡°There isn¡¯t much to be done usually. All of the clubs have settled in after the first month. We¡¯ll be very busy when the festival approaches¡­¡± ¡°I bet you have a lot of admirers.¡± ¡°Yes. But I feel that they exaggerate the importance of being the president sometimes.¡± ¡°Some things never change ¨C the student president at my school always had a gang of followers with them. But I do suppose it helps that they were good looking.¡± The father was vain to the extreme and obviously took pride in his daughters. Mother looked us both over, ¡°Would you be so kind as to share the bathroom tonight? I have an early morning tomorrow.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Reina accepted without my asking. ¡°Thank you.¡± The sweat that covered my body was purely nerves. I needed that bath badly. The meal adjourned with dad wandering back into his studio ¨C and mom cleaning up the dishes. Reina led me to the bath after I picked out some clothes to sleep in. ¡°What the hell? This is like a full bathhouse.¡± As if to only illustrate further how well-off Reina¡¯s family was ¨C the bathroom wasn¡¯t a bathroom at all. The utility room had enough space for a bench in the middle, a large cupboard to store our clothes, and the usual machines that I¡¯d expect like a dryer and washer. I felt like I¡¯d snuck into the bathhouse down the road. Reina quickly slipped off her uniform and placed it into one of the wicker baskets. I couldn¡¯t even feel embarrassed at this point ¨C I was living Kei¡¯s dream and I couldn¡¯t even get excited. I really had turned into a girl¡­ I still hesitated to take off my own. Reina pulled open the doors and stepped into the bathroom proper. After a moment of introspection (and self-admiration) I took off my own clothes and put them into the basket next to hers. I felt naked. More naked than a naked person would normally. The comfort that I experienced in my old body was gone now ¨C I felt like a stranger. But not enough to make me feel repulsed or unpleasant, it was the kind of discomfort that I felt would get better over time. I wasn¡¯t stupid, I knew that questions of identity weren¡¯t a laughing matter. I wondered if Reina¡¯s deity had changed me to feel like a girl. Maybe I¡¯d feel unhappy at that if I could. I stepped into the bathroom. The bath itself was larger than my old one. There was a toilet, a bidet, and a pair of taps on the left wall. Reina was sitting in front of one of them, filling a plastic bucket with hot water. The bath had been left running. Sometimes I¡¯d forgo getting into the tub if I were feeling tired ¨C but I was in high class company now. The rinsing and cleaning meant that the water was clean enough to share if time was limited anyway. I grabbed a seat next to Reina and my own bucket, imitating her process. I filled it with hot water and poured it over my body ¨C rubbing it down with soap. I felt better ¨C but it was impossible for me to hide my discomfort at being naked with my classmate. Not to mention the fact that I was feeling up a mostly identical copy of her body, which was also my own body. The real point of issue was my chest. The weight of them was already starting to wear me down a bit, and it was weird handling the object of every schoolboy¡¯s misguided affection like it was just an everyday thing. The mystique of the breast had been robbed from me in an ironic and roundabout way. I daren¡¯t even pay attention to downstairs. I could deal with not knowing because I didn¡¯t feel it like I did with my chest. How could you describe the feeling of wanting to feel bad, but not being able to? That was the feeling that I was experiencing. ¡°Would you like me to go?¡± she asked. ¡°I can wait outside for you if you don¡¯t feel like it.¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t I be asking that? You¡¯re sat naked next to a classmate.¡± ¡°No, we are sisters. We do this all the time if mother asks.¡± I didn¡¯t know what angle to approach this fundamentally flawed argument from. I was Hideki, or Miyako, but Reina had made certain that I¡¯d stay as Hideki as possible. So technically I was the same person she was speaking to the other day when I was still a boy. In the end I gave up. ¡°How much shampoo should I use?¡± I asked, squeezing out the usual amount for my old, shorter hair. Reina reached over and squeezed it more, and more, until it nearly spilled out of my palm. ¡°Okay, Jeeze, hold on!¡± I washed my hair while Reina jumped into the bath, she didn¡¯t stay in for long ¨C waiting until I¡¯d finished my own scrub down to give me a turn. Reina walked back through into the utility room to dry herself. After soaking for a few minutes and washing my face I stood and climbed out again, ¡°Should I let this water out?¡± ¡°Yes, mother will run it again.¡± I reached into the bath and pulled the plug. Reina was already dressed when I went to grab my own clothes. I quickly put on the underwear and bra (myself this time) and slipped on a white shirt and some sporty shorts. I looked into the mirror and frowned at myself. I liked Reina¡¯s hairstyle when it was on somebody else and not me. ¡°Reina, do you think you can do my hair?¡± ¡°Hm, you¡¯ll have to learn how to do it yourself eventually.¡± ¡°Just humour me.¡± Reina found a set of hairbands (that must have been mine) and set about trying to wrangle my hair into submission. Easier said than done ¨C the held-up style that wrapped it into a bun at the back but kept the bangs straight was not so simple to emulate. ¡°Mother will be annoyed if we take too long.¡± ¡°Do your best, we can try again tomorrow.¡± Reina¡¯s attempt was serviceable, but she¡¯d wrapped it too low meaning that the bun was laid on the back of my neck, rather than the back of my head like it should have been. ¡°Good enough.¡± ¡°Mother, we¡¯re finished!¡± Reina shouted. ¡°Okay!¡± A response echoed. We left the bathroom and ended up back in my new room. I sat on the bed while Reina picked around the place. She pilfered my drawers, flipped through my magazines, and fiddled with the knobs on my amplifier. It was okay, I¡¯d done the same to hers earlier. ¡°So, you think there¡¯s anything else I need to know? If I show up to school tomorrow and I have a boyfriend, I¡¯m going to fight you.¡± Reina smiled glibly at the implication, ¡°Romance is a good thing, the essence of youth.¡± ¡°Romance is the last thing on my mind right now.¡± ¡°Just be yourself Miyako. The person that you were is mostly the same, isn¡¯t she?¡± I looked around the room at all of my belongings and couldn¡¯t argue. She was right ¨C I still had the same hobbies at least. It was likely that my attitude, of being slightly less¡­ refined than Reina was still the case. I¡¯d argue that it was almost tomboyish judging by my wardrobe. I wondered how my new parents felt about that. We were nearly identical in every other aspect, but sometimes you just couldn¡¯t account for the power of nurture versus nature. ¡°It would have been nice if this god could fill me in a bit though.¡± ¡°Mother¡¯s name is Natsume, and father¡¯s name is Gorou. I never call them that, of course.¡± ¡°Does your father have any brothers?¡± ¡°No, our grandparents just liked the name.¡± I was getting the distinct impression that everybody in this family was a little strange. I kicked my feet up and laid on my bed. It was also strange how I had a normal, four post bed in a traditional Japanese mansion and not a futon. Questions for another time perhaps. ¡°We should probably get so sleep; I¡¯m totally wiped out.¡± The emotional and physical turmoil of the day had finished me off. Reina put down the magazine she was holding and nodded. ¡°I will wake you in the morning. Have a good night Miyako.¡± ¡°You too Reina.¡± She turned the lights off as she left. I closed my eyes but sleep didn¡¯t come easily. 5 - A Question The dreaded day had come. It was time for me to waltz into school in my brand-new body and see what everybody thought about it. The morning routine was very much routine for the most part. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and donned my new uniform like nothing was amiss. Aside from trying to avoid stepping on Reina¡¯s toes in the process. I stole one of the pictures from Reina¡¯s board and tried to emulate the style as closely as possible. It took a few tries, but my perseverance paid off in the end and I managed to get it looking nice enough. Now people wouldn¡¯t confuse us from behind. But the real drama began when Reina insisted that I start wearing makeup. It was a line that even beyond becoming a girl physically I just couldn¡¯t cross. ¡°Sister, at least wear some foundation,¡± she insisted, wielding a small brown sponge like a deadly weapon. I ducked and waved her attempts to splatter my cheeks. ¡°I look fine! Leave it!¡± Natsume cleared her throat as we were in the throes of our duel, ¡°Stop fighting and get to school you two.¡± The sponge discarded and our bags retrieved, we set off on the walk. It was a chilly morning, but it would warm up quickly as the sun came out. I¡¯d left my usual jacket behind and put on another, more normal coat. I wasn¡¯t sure if Miyako wore it at school, it was too big. Reina didn¡¯t have much to say on the walk there. I broke the ice with a question of my own, ¡°What if I¡¯m not a student at all?¡± ¡°That¡¯s silly ¨C you have that uniform for a reason, surely.¡± ¡°Maybe god didn¡¯t feel like changing everybody else¡¯s minds too.¡± We passed through the school gates and the teacher on duty didn¡¯t say a thing or toss me out ¨C so my mistrust was premature. The yard was busy as it usually was on a morning. A few of Reina¡¯s groupies charged into the fray and stopped in front of us, ¡°Good morning Reina!¡± the three of them chirped in tandem. One of them glanced between us which didn¡¯t help my nerves, ¡°That¡¯s weird, don¡¯t you two usually come separately?¡± ¡°Who says we have to?¡± I replied. She hummed to herself, ¡°Okay, if you say so.¡± I pulled myself away from the group and patted Reina on the shoulder, ¡°I¡¯m going to homeroom, see you later.¡± I didn¡¯t want to push my luck with this act. I took my normal way to the classroom, opened my normal door and sat down in my normal seat. None if it made me feel any calmer about this, I was still waiting for the penny to drop and for somebody to wonder why this stranger was sat where Hideki used to be. It never happened. The homeroom teacher entered and ran down the register (I stumbled over my own tongue when he called Nakamura,) gave us the usual announcements about what as happening around the school, and then let us study or speak with each other for the last ten minutes. The room dispersed into their little groups and cliques. Somebody tapped my shoulder. It was Kei. ¡°Morning,¡± I greeted him. Cognizant of the fact that he found my now sister attractive. ¡°Hey, you left in a hurry yesterday, were you okay?¡± Oh yes Kei, I underwent sex reassignment surgery while you were gone ¨C what else is new?Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°Yeah, I feel fine now. I don¡¯t know what was up.¡± ¡°It was weird that your sister dropped by. That¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever seen her anyway.¡± ¡°She was interested in what I was doing.¡± ¡°I thought you two didn¡¯t talk much at school.¡± I thought quickly for an excuse that sounded plausible, ¡°We don¡¯t, she¡¯s always busy with the council.¡± Kei took the seat next to me, which was usually empty because my neighbour would go to the other side of the room to talk to their friends. ¡°You not wearing that jacket today?¡± ¡°Who says I have to? I have other coats.¡± My skin grew hotter and I felt pin pricks running down my spine. Even this innocuous question was putting me on edge. I¡¯d overcompensated and started acting out of character. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ve never seen you come to school without it. I mean, it¡¯s always been too big for you, but it¡¯s your brand.¡± ¡°Reina got all the charm, the fashion, and the good manners.¡± Kei rolled his eyes, ¡°But you both have the same looks. That¡¯ll get you somewhere.¡± ¡°Between me and Reina, who has the best hair?¡± Kei didn¡¯t even hesitate, ¡°Reina. Not sorry.¡± ¡°You like long hair better?¡± ¡°You know it. I¡¯m sure we¡¯ve talked about this before.¡± ¡°We probably have, we¡¯re stuck on repeat.¡± I was getting into it now. This was the kind of conversation that we¡¯d have every morning before our first class. The surreal reality of becoming a girl and the sister of a near complete stranger slowly faded into the background. ¡°Did you see that thing on channel three last night?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t have time for TV, what was it?¡± Kei motioned with his hands as if to act the story, ¡°It was about this guy who ran away from the police for five years, and he had facial reconstruction surgery and everything. The police were looking for the wrong person for all that time, but eventually it drove him mad and he turned himself in.¡± How convenient. In retrospect it was too convenient. The kind of convenience that would establish a thematic through line in a long running novel, or a moral of the week in the kind of Sunday morning television that Matoi enjoyed. The convenience of Kei bringing up this story was lost on me at first. Only the vaguest similarity touched the electrodes of my withering brain. That¡¯s a story for another day, at the time Kei brought this up out of the blue. ¡°And?¡± ¡°It¡¯s mad isn¡¯t it? Changing your face and everything.¡± ¡°Celebrities do it all the time ¨C get facelifts.¡± ¡°That just tightens up what¡¯s there- ¡° ¡°Tightens.¡± ¡°-It¡¯s not like they¡¯re changing the whole thing.¡± ¡°Why was he running?¡± ¡°You know, he killed a few people.¡± ¡°And that¡¯s not the first thing you thought of.¡± ¡°No. Would you get a facelift?¡± I shook my head, ¡°What? Not to be egotistical or anything, but I look great.¡± ¡°Yeah, but if it was like ¨C you were guaranteed to look even better!¡± ¡°Still no.¡± ¡°No scars, no pain, it¡¯s completely natural.¡± ¡°We¡¯re not talking about surgery anymore. That¡¯s just magic. Oh, would you accept a billion yen, no questions asked and with no consequence, while also becoming staggeringly beautiful.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Then it¡¯s not much of a question.¡± Kei finally got my point. ¡°But I¡¯m used to the way I look now. If I become ¡®staggeringly beautiful¡¯ I couldn¡¯t get used to it.¡± It clicked with me that perhaps what was happening wasn¡¯t on the level ¨C maybe Reina¡¯s shrine god had set this up as some sort of elaborate moral lesson about being happy with myself. I sighed and collapsed into my chair like a puppet with it¡¯s strings cut. Even my safe place of speaking with friends had been tampered with somehow. It wasn¡¯t out of the question. This god had convinced Reina¡¯s parents that they had a third daughter and all. Making Kei start this conversation was nothing. But it didn¡¯t make sense to me even then, I didn¡¯t feel any discomfort when I looked at myself anymore. I couldn¡¯t. So why was this discussion happening? To make me feel bad? And I couldn¡¯t press Kei for answers. He didn¡¯t know. Maybe he was searching for self-reflection or rejection. I had no patience for either so I tried to derail the conversation the best I could. ¡°What¡¯s got you all¡­ philosophical today?¡± He shrugged, ¡°I don¡¯t know. It really captured my imagination for some reason.¡± ¡°The only thing that captures your imagination is my sister.¡± ¡°And music.¡± ¡°And music about my sister.¡± ¡°Hey! I told you not to talk about that.¡± The teacher yelled out that it was time for the first lesson. ¡°Club later?¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± Kei skittered back to his own place as my neighbour returned. My mind drifted into autopilot as our Mathematics lesson began. To be truthful I was thinking about what had just happened. It was worrying me. 6 - A Belief
The day had gone by like usual. I nearly marched into the boy¡¯s toilet at one point before correcting myself, but otherwise there were no hiccups. Nobody ever questioned my change of gender nor did they question my behaviour. Gym the following day would be an issue. I felt like a fuckup even considering stepping foot into the girls changing room ¨C even though I was allowed now. My academic performance was one of the things that had not changed. I continued to grind through my work. I was no honour student, not like my sister. It was eventually time for our evening club session. Most of the other students would clear out, go-home club members who weren¡¯t training for upcoming events. In the summer it was still busy for a couple hours afterwards ¨C but in the winter some clubs simply wouldn¡¯t bother. Our room was affected badly by the weather too. In summer months it was an oven, in winter a freezer. You couldn¡¯t win. Autumn and Spring were the best months to assemble. In my opinion anyway. Kei loved the heat for some reason. Maybe he felt a natural affinity for it as a hot-headed idiot. The weather was starting to heat up as we entered Spring. I could hear the other club members talking and banging things around. I slid open the door to reveal the silhouettes that I could see through the frosted glass. Kei, Johnny, and the previously absent Shinsuke. I turned to close the door behind me, but when I turned back all of their eyes were on me. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± They looked away and went about their business, ¡°Nothing, just seeing who was here.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not going to be Matoi or Saaya.¡± I walked over to the guitar and began tuning it. Shinsuke was a wallflower compared to Johnny and Kei. He had medium length black hair (well groomed and in line with school regulation,) his regular uniform free of creases or marks, and a pair of thick black rimmed glasses. He could definitely play the bass though; appearances are deceiving and all that. He spoke with a soft tempo, a naturally non-confrontational tone that let him get away with all sorts of comments. He looked between the three of us and formulated his opinion, ¡°I think we¡¯d be more popular with Miya at the front,¡± he smirked. Johnny laughed, ¡°Shut up, I¡¯m prettier than her.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have the voice to match the look,¡± I said. I¡¯d never liked signing and was no good at it. ¡°Isn¡¯t a pretty girl on a guitar more marketable anyway?¡± There was a sense of disconnection from myself when I said it ¨C like I was talking about somebody else. I wouldn¡¯t have bragged about myself otherwise. ¡°Yeah, how many bands have female guitar players these days?¡± Shinsuke twanged his bass, ¡°I was just joking.¡± ¡°You should know better; Johnny has an insecurity problem.¡±The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Shut up you damn tomboy.¡± The conversation was interrupted as the door opened again, stood there was my sister. Reina bowed her head slightly. ¡°Good evening.¡± Kei immediately straightened up his hair and sat up in his seat. He was so transparent sometimes. ¡°Hey, what¡¯s up?¡± I asked. ¡°I don¡¯t have council duties tonight. I was hoping we could talk.¡± ¡°Give me a minute guys.¡± I put the guitar down and followed Reina down the corridor, to the spot where we first spoke a few days before. Reina took a moment to compose herself. ¡°How did your first day back go?¡± ¡°Fine. Not good for my heart, but fine.¡± Reina brushed a lock of hair from her face. She had a natural elegance that I couldn¡¯t match. A lifetime of meeting high expectations. Of saving face and practicing nothing but politeness. ¡°You seemed to be enjoying yourself.¡± ¡°I was with my friends.¡± ¡°But you were worried.¡± ¡°I¡¯m still worried. Kei said something this morning that worried me. He started talking about changing appearances and stuff ¨C now I¡¯m thinking that the god has done something else too.¡± ¡°Hm. But how do you feel?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t feel anything but¡­ normal. It¡¯d be a waste of effort if I jumped in the river because I wanted to be a man again. But again, why do I deserve this treatment? What made me so special that god took pity on me? What¡¯s the catch? Can I reject this if I don¡¯t like it?¡± Reina blinked, ¡°I see.¡± Her mouth was a thin line, the usual pout gone. ¡°I¡¯d say that there is nothing that you need to do to deserve help.¡± ¡°But I was okay! I mean, it sucks that I didn¡¯t have any family left ¨C but I had support, and a house, and things to eat!¡± ¡°Family is more important than that.¡± ¡°I think a lot of people would disagree. Why not use your three wishes on a homeless guy?¡± Before we could continue Johnny poked his head through the door, ¡°Are you two okay? It sounds pretty rowdy out here.¡± ¡°We are fine,¡± Reina responded. ¡°We were merely having a debate.¡± ¡°Uh, alright. We¡¯ll be waiting Miya.¡± Reina sighed, ¡°I do not think there is room for doubt now, nor is it possible for me to change things again. The suffering of others shouldn¡¯t preclude you from your own happiness.¡± ¡°We¡¯re talking about a tangible thing though, the power to change a life, to change the world.¡± ¡°I do not know the full truth ¨C but I believe that the enshrined spirit only can do so much.¡± ¡°It¡¯s nice to know that the godly spirit has ground rules to follow,¡± I spat. ¡°Do you not believe in him?¡± Reina seemed genuinely intrigued, or perhaps just hurt. I couldn¡¯t tell. ¡°I believe, how can I not? But faith is another thing entirely.¡± ¡°I see. If you could speak with them, what would you think?¡± ¡°Depends on what they say.¡± ¡°Come with me, this Sunday. Let¡¯s go to the shrine together.¡± I nodded, ¡°Fine.¡± We parted ways. My mind boiled over with a thousand things I wanted to say. A conversation with a god? Impossible, unreasonable, stupid. All words that I would have used a day before, before I got turned into Reina¡¯s new sister through divine intervention. I walked back into the clubroom as sat down. We hadn¡¯t started just yet. Kei was still messing with his setup. I looked over to Shinsuke, who was staring a hole through the floor, ¡°Hey Shin, why weren¡¯t you able to come the other day?¡± He winced. He tried to stop himself, but he winced. I noticed. Shinsuke never liked to talk about himself or what he was doing. It was something that I¡¯d come to accept at the time. Everybody had secrets they wanted to keep, and it wasn¡¯t my place to pry. But the way he reacted to the question told me that it wasn¡¯t something minor ¨C or something that he¡¯d feel comfortable discussing with me. ¡°Nothing, just a family thing¡­¡± ¡°Right.¡± I left it there. We played for two hours until the sun started to set. I kept my eyes on him. A slip of fabric, a splatch of bruised skin. I stayed silent. 7 - A God The wait for Sunday was a painful one. I slipped into Miyako¡¯s shoes like they were my own (they technically were.) I went to school, attended classes, ate with Reina¡¯s family, and slept in their home. I learnt how to wear a bra properly and look after myself because she wouldn¡¯t shut up about it. Reina was thinking that this would be permanent. We woke up early. I picked out a casual outfit and put on my jacket. I still wasn¡¯t confident enough to rock some of the more feminine things inside the wardrobe. It would be pants and shirts for me until I mustered up the courage. The shrine didn¡¯t receive many visitors. Between a pair of overgrown bushes, up a long, poorly maintained path under dulled red arches. It scared away tourists ¨C and the townspeople too. To be truthful it didn¡¯t matter what time of day we visited. If there was somebody there, we would simply wait for them to leave. But there was nobody there. Me and Reina trudged up the long stairway. It was obscene to think that I¡¯d been dragged here a week ago. It felt like an entire lifetime since then. The shrine was dilapidated. A small wooden building that was once the pride of the town. It was a wonder that any god would choose to reside here ¨C if gods had a choice. To be honest I was sceptical. What had happened was unbelievable, but I still didn¡¯t believe that Reina was in contact with a god. Part of me went just to see if it was true. I didn¡¯t think through my questions before we got there. ¡°They should be here.¡± ¡°So how do you speak to this god of yours?¡± Reina walked to the donation box at the front of the building. She pulled out a coin and tossed it through the wooden poles that guarded it from thieving hands. There was nobody working here to retrieve the money or use it for maintenance. So perhaps it was for the god¡¯s benefit, or as a display of dedication. I followed suit and pulled out my own coin, donating it to the unused box. Reina walked past it and up to the stone steps that led into the building. She knelt down, dusting away the refuse from the ground. One her knees she closed her eyes and clasped her hands together. ¡°Pray, focus, reach out to them. I will tell them that you wish to speak with them.¡± I shuffled over and took a place next to her. The stone tiles were hard on my knees. I clasped my hands together and closed my eyes. I was taken back to a time when I went to the shrine on New Year¡¯s Day, back when my parents were still around. I always looked forward to it. But when they died and I moved away, I stopped going. The shrine was in such a poor state anyway ¨C there were no celebrations here. My mind drifted and I found myself inside of a visible darkness. Not the darkness you experience when you close your eyes tight ¨C the kind when you enter a dark room. The subtle colours of black that indicated my eyes trying to adjust. The wind and the sun, I couldn¡¯t feel it anymore. My first meeting with god was civilian. In a moment, something appeared in the darkness. A pair of seats. Upon one was a young-looking man with long red hair, tied into a braid. He was wearing a traditional yukata, decorated with a golden flowers that danced and flowed. Without a word I approached him and took the seat opposite. He didn¡¯t break the silence. I waited and waited, but he never spoke. ¡°Are you a god?¡± I asked. ¡°Yes,¡± he responded. He spoke is an esoteric way, a form of our shared language that had not been spoken for hundreds of years. It was enough for me to understand. ¡°You look normal.¡± ¡°What were you expecting? A flaming bush, a black bull? I am a god, yet I am merely another of man¡¯s creations. You perceive me as I am ¨C a mere man. A man granted power. I was not birthed, I was seen, by ancestors thousands of years before you were born. I am eternal, yet before then I was nothing. A man¡¯s adoration is a blessing upon itself. Without sight I will not be.¡± I didn¡¯t understand what he meant. ¡°Are you the one that Reina spoke to?¡±This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. He nodded, ¡°Reina, is that her name? She confides with me in many things. Yes, Reina is the one who speaks to me. She told me about you. Do you wish to speak with me?¡± I twiddled my fingers, being put on the spot like that¡­ ¡°Why did you do this?¡± He smirked, ¡°Why did I do?¡± ¡°Why did you turn me into Reina¡¯s sister?¡± ¡°Because she wished for it.¡± ¡°Is a god allowed to lie?¡± I pressed on, ¡°You didn¡¯t just do this because she asked. You changed something. The poetic irony was enough to tell me that.¡± ¡°I am a god as seen by man; I embody many of their faults.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t answer the question.¡± ¡°While we embody many faults ¨C we also embody what constitutes a man. Generosity, kindness, and most importantly fondness. I bestowed a blessing upon my only follower. Not only that, but I helped two mortals with one stroke of my brush! Truly a masterpiece of efficient miracle making¡­¡± ¡°There¡¯s a game to this, you made my friend say something a few days ago.¡± ¡°I merely suggested a topic of discussion. Do you think that your reformation has ended? That the hard work has been done?¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you just tell me?¡± The god shrugged, ¡°Would you listen? The best lessons are the ones you learn yourself. Would you not reject my thesis out of hand if you had not realized it yourself? To spoil the game, as you might say. Perceived as an act of malice.¡± ¡°Not telling me anything is pretty malicious.¡± ¡°Would you not reject my point?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like the idea of you changing people¡¯s memories.¡± ¡°I did not alter your friend¡¯s memories. I merely used what I knew about him to push him in a certain direction. I knew that his parents would turn of the television at eight PM, as they do every night, and that he was interested in watching. So I merely drained the batteries on their television remote ¨C thus, they left it on allowing him to watch unobstructed. You and he talk every morning during homeroom.¡± ¡°And Reina¡¯s parents?¡± ¡°The acceptance of change is an extension of their free will. An unconscious decision was made the moment that Reina¡¯s wish was granted. In such a sense, if I had asked them directly, they would have given me permission. There is one force beyond our control, and that is a mortal¡¯s free will. I may not impart upon any mortal what they do not desire themselves.¡± ¡°When since did I want to become a girl?¡± ¡°You would have agreed.¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°I know everything about you. Perhaps more than you know yourself.¡± ¡°Shut up,¡± I spat bitterly. His words settled into my stomach and made me feel deeply, truly ill. ¡°I am not a judge of character, and I mean no offense. The point stands. I may nudge a friend or seek the permission to reshape reality. In the end, we have deviated from the original topic. What is this game?¡± ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a realization if I tell you. Let me keep things simple ¨C I know everything about this town and the mortals who live in it. Like a tree of many branches that spreads before me, I may predict what will happen in the future. They are not certain, yet they are more accurate than not. Mortals cannot avoid their own behaviour, in a sense.¡± ¡°Even me? What about free will?¡± ¡°Free will is freedom from god¡¯s intervention. Not freedom from yourself. A mortal is shaped by their parents, their home, who they are and what they experience. They will behave a certain way for a certain reason. I know those reasons, and I know what they are likely to do. ¡°In the coming days, several things will happen to close friends¡­¡± ¡°The people in my club?¡± ¡°¡­I will not say more. The game is for you to realize. But remember this, the lives of mortals are not a mere game. Act with respect to others; even I am a speck of dust beneath the feet of greater giants still. When you have an answer, come, and pray to me again. I will waive the fee,¡± he smiled. Before I could demand more, I found myself back in the courtyard where me and Reina were kneeled next to each other. She looked at me with concern, ¡°Are you okay Miyako? You looked out of it for a second there.¡± ¡°How long have we been here?¡± ¡°Only a minute.¡± The conversation had been much longer. ¡°No, I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°Did you see them?¡± ¡°Yes, now I have more questions than before.¡± I sighed and stood up, dusting the dirt off my pants. ¡°Hm. I didn¡¯t get to see him¡­¡± ¡°Are you jealous?¡± ¡°He is just a voice.¡± ¡°What? He had a body and everything.¡± Reina shook her head, ¡°I have never seen him. Only heard his voice.¡± Maybe this was the ¡°perception¡± stuff that he was talking about? Reina thought of god as something larger than her. A voice in the void, while I didn¡¯t think much of Shinto after my parents died. To me he was merely another person to speak with, a man with a strange sense in fashion. His words were cryptic, but I got the basics of it. It did little to calm my fears of having my mind messed with by a higher power ¨C but even he seemed to understand that. He described himself as a speck of dust, his way of assuring me that such a thing was not exclusive to mortals I supposed. The power of free will was something that I couldn¡¯t grasp ¨C could such a simple thing protect me? ¡°What do we do now?¡± Reina asked. ¡°He clearly has something in mind for me. I¡¯ll have to come back later when whatever this is¡­ is over with.¡± ¡°No, I mean, what should we do now? We have the rest of Sunday to ourselves.¡± Meet with a Shinto god, and this girl is already on to the next thing. She was remarkable in many ways. ¡°I should take you shopping.¡± ¡°Will you stop asking me if I come with you?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Fine, let¡¯s go.¡± With our Sunday meeting with god over, we hopped on the bus downtown. 8 - A Trip
¡°Shit dude, twins!¡± ¡°They¡¯re hot.¡± Going downtown was a mistake. Not that I was mistake averse, not recently. But the confrontation facing me was one I¡¯d hoped to avoid. The fact that people found me attractive. Before it wasn¡¯t a problem. When you¡¯re a boy you don¡¯t usually worry about that kind of thing. Meeting a minimum standard, one that would lead to you being left alone was the common agreement amongst young men. On the other hand, Reina, and by extension me, were naturally beautiful. Reina was picturesque, like a literal painting come to life. She had fair skin, long flowing hair, and a beauty mark that made her look like a Hollywood model. By extension, I was also most of those things. Although I¡¯d already deviated from her in some senses. I was naturally more tomboyish than her, with my hair held up in a bun and my ¡°put on whatever¡± fashion sense. My skin has taken on a slightly darker tan since I¡¯d been spending quite a lot of time outside in the past few days. I didn¡¯t speak with the same ladylike address that Reina did either. She was being truthful when she said that the god had preserved most parts of me. Foreign memories were implanted into my mind, but I knew what they were. It was like being told your own past - a backstory even. I had been given a backstory. One that could feasibly explain why Reina and I were so divergent despite being born on the same day and raised under the same roof. It still stretched my own suspension of disbelief, but I did have a conversation with a god an hour ago, so who was I to judge. That explanation being Reina¡¯s father was very laissez-faire about the way he raised us. He was a man who didn¡¯t believe in restricting his children¡¯s interests. He was an artist himself and had to fight his own family to pursue it as a career; he understood better than anybody else how much a passion could mean to someone. So when Reina became a lady like her mother, he didn¡¯t object. And when I became a tomboy trouble-maker who really, really wanted to play the guitar, he was the one who bought me it for my birthday one year. In my past life I did so because I played a lot of rhythm games at my local arcade. I never said it was anything profound. That was true of Miyako too. There¡¯s usually that moment in every child¡¯s life where their dreams and reality impact each other in a high-speed collision. My hobby was no different. I found it incredibly hard at first, and looking into the intricacies of reading music, composing¡­ it nearly made me quit on the spot. It was two years until I started taking it seriously and pulled it from under my bed to try again, properly this time. When I went up to my new school, I immediately joined the music club. As the only other female member everybody wanted a piece of me. It¡¯d make their bands one-hundred times more marketable to have a cutie like me with them, and maybe they¡¯d have a chance at going out with me. Swerving on the subject of whether I like boys at all. I eventually stuck with Johnny and the other guys. They felt legit, like they wanted me to be there, and not just as something nice to look at whenever we were up on stage. We always had a good time. Reina was much more of an artist like father is. He¡¯d inducted her into the hobby at a very young age and she¡¯d continued to indulge in it since. She never had an interest in making it into her career though, and she spent much more time getting involved with extracurricular activities that could help her into a top university. The point being ¨C that our existence as twins proves that genes aren¡¯t the things that define us. What they did define was how attractive playboys in the street thought we were. Two such men were accosting us outside of a local caf¨¦. One man had been dunked into a vat of acid, or spray tan depending on your perspective. The other was adorned with a variety of chains and pieces of jewellery. Both of them were as appealing as constipation. ¡°Hey girls, come hang out with us!¡± ¡°No thanks,¡± I scoffed. ¡°Do you even know how old we are?¡± Astonishingly he scratched his chin and hummed out an answer, ¡°Twenty?¡± ¡°Seventeen,¡± Reina corrects him. ¡°I do believe that would be considered illegal.¡± ¡°Well, what they don¡¯t know won¡¯t hurt ¡®em,¡± the other man offered. ¡°Get out of my face before I find an officer.¡± He held his hands up in defeat, ¡°Woah! I like this one, she¡¯s got an attitude.¡± ¡°Real tomboy. How about you come with us and we¡¯ll teach you how to be a proper lady, like your sister here.¡± His decrepit hand reached out for her shoulder but before he could reach her, I intercepted his fingers and twisted them. Years of guitar training had given me an intense grip. He staggered out into the middle of the street as a crowd gathered around us. ¡°Ow, ow, ow, ow!¡±Stolen novel; please report. ¡°Screw off, or I snap them off, bastard!¡± I increased the pressure and bent them back further. ¡°Okay, okay!¡± I released him and he stumbled back like he¡¯d been stabbed. He clutched his bruised fingers with a scowl, ¡°Crazy bitch!¡± His friend followed him down the street as they retreated. A few people in the crowd laughed and went back to their business. What a dump. They didn¡¯t even call the police. Reina didn¡¯t even seem flustered. ¡°Are you okay Miya?¡± ¡°What? I should be asking you that.¡± ¡°Hm, but I wasn¡¯t the one who fought them off.¡± This girl. She¡¯s hopeless. ¡°How is it that the very first time we catch the bus down here ¨C we get assaulted by some playboys¡­¡± ¡°Oh, this has happened before. You have to be careful these days,¡± Reina nodded. ¡°You didn¡¯t break the man¡¯s fingers last time.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t break them, I just¡­ put some pressure on them, in the wrong direction.¡± Reina did not seem amused by my answer. ¡°What did you want to bring me down here for?¡± ¡°I thought we could go shopping for something nice.¡± ¡°Right after we met god.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°¡­Okay.¡± Reina smiled and dragged me down the street by my arm. Straight into the first clothing shop she could see. She zoomed down the aisles and picked out a series of outfits that were adverse to my own taste in sporty jackets and pants that covered the entirety of my legs. I picked through some of the racks of my own before Reina returned with a pile that nearly reached the ceiling. While god has instilled my heart with a comfort for being a woman. He had not instilled me with a comfort for women¡¯s clothing. That was clear from my wardrobe at home, and they way that I felt as Reina shoved a summer dress into my arms and threw me into the nearest changing room. ¡°Do I have to?¡± ¡°Yes. When summer arrives you will thank me!¡± ¡°Do I really have to?¡± ¡°Yes! Hurry up Miya, other customers will want to use that room.¡± What did I have to lose? Except my masculinity. I took off my usual clothes and stacked them into a pile. The sundress was a modern style, it left my arms and shoulders exposed. I slipped it on and mustered up some courage to step out and show Reina. I peeled back the curtain and stood in front of her for a second. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. Reina clapped her hands together, ¡°Oh! That looks lovely.¡± ¡°I feel like a girl.¡± ¡°Hm. You are a girl Miya-chan.¡± ¡°In spirit, I am a man.¡± Reina sighed, ¡°Don¡¯t say things like that Miyako, you make a nice girl. You don¡¯t have to feel guilty about it.¡± ¡°Can we drop this? Please,¡± my words were sharp. Sharper than I¡¯d intended them to be. I entered the changing room again. The pile loomed large. The fashion show would continue for a while yet. Shirts, skirts, shorts, and hats ¨C everything that a girl could conceivably wear in the summer months around our town. Reina remained evenly pleased with every one of them. ¡°Are you going to put down my hair as well Reina?¡± ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°Why not let me pick something out? I feel like you¡¯re just assessing things that you¡¯d like.¡± ¡°Okay then, go find yourself something.¡± It was only when I started running through the aisles. I wandered back over to some of the things that I was looking at earlier. A pair of denim shorts and a loose-fitting t-shirt that was tied in one corner. It was a summer outfit you would wear when going to the beach. But I found myself hesitating as I held them in my hands. I was just a boy. A boy who did not know the first thing about being a girl. The safe refuge of the more masculine clothing was nearby. I could have dropped them and fled to a safe place. But another part of me wanted to try this ¨C in the way that Reina had pushed me into wearing something else. I wanted to be able to do that for myself. I stashed them under my arm and power walked into the changing room. The large straw hat that Reina had picked up, the shirt, and the shorts. She even included some stylish tinted sunglasses. I looked like I was ready for a day at the seaside. I gripped the curtain, it was no different from the other times I showed off for Reina, but I still found myself waiting for her consent. ¡°Are you okay Miyako?¡± I exhaled a breath and pulled it open. I still walked like I used to, but with wider hips it made me look like I had shit myself. The grace of my sister was a long way away. Reina appraised my choice with a smile. ¡°You look very nice. Is this your way of saying you want to go to the beach?¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± Reina did not laugh but I could always tell when she found something amusing. If Reina laughed out loud, I believed that the end times would come soon afterwards. I adjusted the hat. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°Would you like to ask the assistant to buy it?¡± As simple as the question was, for me it was like asking me which of my theoretical children I loved the most, or which limb I could live without. Reina didn¡¯t wait, before I could object, she was on the other side of me, asking the shop attendant to bag some of the things that she liked. I retreated into the changing room and swapped back into my street clothes. By the time I emerged Reina was waiting to take them off me. I handed them over and she marched to the checkout, where she paid for a rather sizable collection of items. ¡°Now, we are ready for summer.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a few months away Reina.¡± ¡°This is the first thing you should learn about shopping ¨C you should get it done early.¡± Reina was a bit of a shopping addict, especially when it came to clothes. She was the kind of person who would rather have something and not need it than not have it at all. We did not do this often. I had rather let our mother handle it, although that often meant that Reina was picking things out too. It caused no small number of arguments when I wouldn¡¯t wear the things she found. ¡°Don¡¯t you think it¡¯s weird Reina?¡± ¡°What is?¡± ¡°That we have this relationship that never happened.¡± ¡°But it did, we remember it.¡± ¡°Yeah, but we know that it¡¯s not real. If we didn¡¯t know that it wasn¡¯t real, it wouldn¡¯t matter, would it?¡± ¡°But that would defeat the point of helping you. My wish was to help Hideki, not to remove him from the universe. Our awareness of the situation is intentional.¡± ¡°I guess. You know, he said something interesting, that if you¡¯d asked your parents if they¡¯d accept me ¨C that they would.¡± ¡°Our father is as generous as he is eccentric. And mother will follow his word. I believe him.¡± ¡°Would they really?¡± Reina stopped, I nearly collided with her back. She turned to face me and poked my chest with a finger, ¡°Are you fishing for a certain answer? That they wouldn¡¯t welcome you?¡± My posture slackened as she went on the offensive. ¡°If I asked them and told them your story, I think that they would have no problem with you or our arrangement.¡± ¡°It¡¯s easy enough to say that ¨C but I can¡¯t stop being anxious about it.¡± Reina backed off. The conversation ended there. We marched on in silence. 9 - A Wound
Nothing happened. After our shopping trip we returned home and played out the rest of the school week like nothing was amiss. Nobody ever commented on the sudden existence of Reina¡¯s long lost twin sister, nobody ever called me out for my odd behaviour. The paranoia that had punctuated so many of my days recently slowly slipped away. With one exception. Shinsuke was notably absent. A brief moment of normality had descended on the club a few days ago when he came back from some time off school ¨C but now he was gone again. I was worried about him; if his health was in such a bad way that he missed multiple weeks of school¡­ We continued practicing without him. But I couldn¡¯t help but ask. ¡°Has anybody heard from him?¡± Johnny nodded, ¡°I sent him a message, and he said he¡¯d gotten worse again. Don¡¯t know what¡¯s wrong with him.¡± ¡°Nobody does, I heard the teachers talking about it a few days ago.¡± It wasn¡¯t out of the ordinary for Shinsuke to have other things happening. He¡¯d skip sessions for reasons he would keep to himself. Kei swung his legs back and forth. ¡°I hope he¡¯s alright.¡± Kei looked at me and squinted, ¡°Do you have makeup on Miyako?¡± My heart froze. ¡°Maybe.¡± ¡°It really is the end times.¡± ¡°When since was I not allowed to put makeup on.¡± ¡°Are you for real? Captain Tomboy herself is wondering why it¡¯s weird. I thought, in your own words, that you¡¯d put makeup on over your dead body.¡± ¡°How long ago was that?¡± ¡°A year.¡± ¡°Well a lot changes in a year. My sister insisted.¡± Johnny waved his arm at Kei, ¡°Lay off her. She¡¯s old enough to mix it up if she wants.¡± Kei sighed, ¡°How long does your sister spend on hers?¡± ¡°Too long. She showed me how to do this, and it took three hours for her to get through everything she wanted.¡± ¡°Is she just slow or¡­¡± ¡°No, this took me ten minutes. She¡¯s just a perfectionist.¡± ¡°She hasn¡¯t been by since the last time.¡± ¡°She¡¯s been busy with the council, there¡¯s a lot coming up that she¡¯s helping with.¡± It was slow going in the club, especially since we lost our first chance at a gig. Maybe we could do a performance at the school instead. Reina was starting to get busy with her duties, and I was still wondering what the point of being turned into a girl was. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened since, as weird as things can get after talking to god. ¡°You still don¡¯t look as good as Reina.¡± Kei rattled at the cymbal with his drumsticks.This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. ¡°When were we competing?¡± ¡°Girls are always competing, it¡¯s like those nature documentaries.¡± ¡°I think you¡¯ve misread our relationship.¡± ¡°You and Reina¡¯s?¡± ¡°No, me and yours. Nobody¡¯s competing over you!¡± Johnny cackled as Kei went red in the face. ¡°Dude, she destroyed you.¡± ¡°Yeah, yeah, I walked right into it.¡± Club was over for the day. We¡¯d cleaned up the room and headed off in different directions. Reina was staying till late for a council meeting, which meant that I¡¯d be alone with our parents for the first time. I was worried. Even though I knew that the cover-up that the shrine god has done was flawless. My musings on what to speak about with my new parents came to an end as I saw somebody exit the convenience store near my home. It was Shinsuke. He wasn¡¯t wearing his school uniform, but he looked very under the weather. Like he¡¯d come down with something. ¡°Shinsuke!¡± I called out. He froze up, bags in his arms, and sighed. ¡°Miyako¡­¡± ¡°Why weren¡¯t you at club today?¡± ¡°¡­I was sick.¡± ¡°But you¡¯re doing the shopping?¡± Shinsuke shrugged, ¡°We were out of fresh stuff, and I feel a bit better now¡­¡± ¡°Okay, you gonna¡¯ be at school tomorrow?¡± He looked down to the ground, ¡°Hopefully.¡± The bags that he was carrying were full of groceries, but they held an unusual amount of weight. He was in pain. His arms couldn¡¯t handle the pressure. ¡°Do you need a hand with those?¡± ¡°No.¡± He response was snappy, like he was expecting it. The tone with which he spoke made it clear that me following him home was the last thing he wanted. He seemed to realize how off putting it was, ¡°Uh sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to shout. I¡¯ll be back tomorrow.¡± A cold wind blew through, it covered my skin in goose bumps and made my hair stand up on end. I couldn¡¯t push him if he didn¡¯t want to tell me what was up ¨C that¡¯d make me a shitty friend getting into other people¡¯s business. ¡°Uh. See you then.¡± I passed him by and continued on my way. When I was at an appropriate distance I turned back and watch him readjust the bags to try and find a comfortable position. His shirt rode up slightly, revealing a patch of yellow flesh. Another bruise. I wasn¡¯t stupid. Not stupid enough to miss the hints. I was in a sour mood as I unlocked our gate and entered through the front door. I hastily tossed my shoes away and jogged through the house. ¡°Miyako?¡± Natsume called, ¡°Is something wrong?¡± I considered my answer before settling on a simple, ¡°No.¡± The door slid open and she peered through into the hallway. ¡°Is that an honest no, or a dishonest no?¡± I couldn¡¯t meet her eyes. She saw right through me. ¡°A dishonest no. But it¡¯s a me problem.¡± She nodded. ¡°Okay, but you¡¯d tell me if it was dangerous.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not dangerous! It¡¯s just a bit upsetting.¡± That was an understatement. It felt like somebody had cut open a hole in my stomach and pulled something out. Natsume held a hand against her cheek in that way that old folk do. ¡°Did you fall out with some of your friends?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s nothing like that.¡± ¡°Hm. If you say so dear. Dinner will be ready soon; I hope you saved space! I made enough for four.¡± I walked to my room and put away my bag, quickly changing into the casual clothes that I wore around the house. I¡¯d been in my new place for weeks, but it felt like much longer. I¡¯d started to get into a routine that was my own, and not an invention of the God¡¯s. What the fuck had he gotten me into? I always thought it was weird that Shinsuke had so many absences without trouble. He wasn¡¯t sickly, he didn¡¯t have something that kept him at home. Nothing that he¡¯d spoken of. If what I¡¯d seen was what I thought it was, it was something that he absolutely couldn¡¯t talk about. How had I not noticed before now? Did the God make me see? I sat down on my bed and twiddled my thumbs. My mind was aflame with a hundred different lines of thought. Who could I tell about it? Was it even my place to say? I couldn¡¯t just sit back and let his parents beat the hell out of him! The worst thought was the loudest. Why had he rescued me, and not Shinsuke? He had the power to snap his fingers and fix all of my problems. But he saved me and not him. The guy who was experiencing real pain. The one who had to put his life on hold at the request of an abuser. He didn¡¯t get help. He didn¡¯t have a magic god swoop in and get rid of them or brainwash them into realizing that abuse was bad. Why me? My despair turned into anger. Why didn¡¯t he help Shinsuke? He needed it, he needed it more than me. That piece of shit God. He knew, he must have known the entire time and he sat back and did nothing about it. I slapped my hand against the bed in frustration. What good was a God like that? One who ignored suffering like that? ¡°Dinners ready! Miyako!¡± Sorry Natsume ¨C I didn¡¯t feel much like eating at all. 10 - A Key
I prayed. Every evening before I went to bed, and every time I walked home from the school. I would visit the shrine and pay the god his coinage ¨C but he¡¯d never respond to me. I wouldn¡¯t hear the whisper of his voice in my mind, I was never pulled through into his little world. I don¡¯t know why I ever expected anything from him. It was clear to some extent that he intended to torture me with the reality that I was the one who was helped. Why not Shinsuke? He knew. He wanted me to know in my own time. I clenched my fists until they hurt but my frustration brought me no closer to understanding what the purpose of all this was. Every time we met in the music room it was like nails being inserted into my fingers. I couldn¡¯t say anything to him, I couldn¡¯t reassure him that everything would work out. I¡¯d be overstepping my bounds, and I knew full well that he was being ignored by the divine. I¡¯d already gotten a poor impression of god from our first meeting. His efforts to ignore me were not winning my favour. I¡¯d asked Reina if she¡¯d heard from him ¨C but she said that his absence was noticeable for her too. Would he even want my help? If I reported what I suspected to the teachers or the police, would he just follow along with whatever excuse they came up with? Would living in a house with an abuser be preferable to having an uncertain future¡­ So I kept quiet. I couldn¡¯t out Shinsuke¡¯s problem to everybody else no matter how supportive we might be. Every time our eyes met; I¡¯d end up looking away. Was it a moral dereliction to keep quiet the way I was? I was on autopilot. Hoping silently that things wouldn¡¯t get any worse for him. Johnny was unusually preppy for the last day of the week. He pulled out a crumpled flyer and wave it around in the air, ¡°Guess who just found us a new gig?¡± The flyer was for an open band night at a nearby club. ¡°Are you sure that¡¯s okay?¡± Kei asked, ¡°This seems a bit¡­ adult for us.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, I checked with the owner. It¡¯s not a rowdy place. He¡¯d be happy for us to play sometime.¡± Shinsuke plucked at his bass, ¡°We¡¯d need something a bit slower than the usual.¡± It was something that I¡¯d noticed early on during the formation of the band that he¡¯d do that. He wasn¡¯t the loudest voice in the room ¨C so he¡¯d keep himself plugged into the amp and get everybody¡¯s attention that way. ¡°Oh come on, maybe a little energy is just what they need.¡± The flyer was rather restrained ¨C this wasn¡¯t a dance club like you¡¯d find downtown, but more aimed at people looking for an evening out of the house. The colours were muted and dull, and the promotional images featured happy couples enjoying lavish food. ¡°I think he¡¯s right; punk isn¡¯t going to work there.¡± ¡°But that¡¯s our whole thing!¡± ¡°Maybe it shouldn¡¯t be? I¡¯m just saying ¨C if we want to get gigs, we need to be a bit more flexible.¡± Kei nodded, ¡°Get Matoi on the keys, and we could probably keep those old folks entertained.¡± Johnny groaned, ¡°Oh come on, it¡¯s not a retirement home!¡± ¡°It¡¯s not a mosh pit either,¡± I sniped back. ¡°You can worry about the aesthetics of the deal later when we actually get some regular gigs set up. For now you take what you can get.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± he conceded, seeing that the tide had turned against him. ¡°I¡¯ll ask Matoi If he wants to help us out.¡± The argument was interrupted as the door slid open. Kei¡¯s reaction told me who it was, the way he quickly sat up on his stool and straightened out his uniform. It was Reina. ¡°I hope I¡¯m not interrupting something important.¡±The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I waved a hand, ¡°No. We¡¯re just arguing like usual.¡± ¡°It¡¯s getting late, you should pack up soon.¡± I looked to the clock on the wall. She was right! It was nearly closing time. We hustled and put away the instruments, locking the door with the spare key. ¡°Who wants the key?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll take it, it¡¯s my turn.¡± I took the key from Kei and pocketed it. It was a tradition that we cycled the key between members to encourage attendance. Matoi had one, and so did the teachers. Since Matoi wasn¡¯t usually around in the evenings we¡¯d share it between ourselves. Shinsuke had been skipped over by his own word a few times. I felt uneasy knowing the possible reason why. Did he know when it was going to happen? We said our goodbyes and poured out of the front gate. The sun was setting behind the treeline, casting everything in a deep orange glow. It was almost enough to make you feel warm despite the chilly weather. Me and Reina strolled on in silence for several minutes before she asked me a question. ¡°Are you okay Miyako? You seem to have been very upset recently.¡± ¡°That bastard god won¡¯t answer my questions.¡± Reina looked away, ¡°Do you have questions for him?¡± ¡°Yes. A lot of them, but it seems that he¡¯s playing deaf and blind whenever I try to pray to him, or whatever you do.¡± ¡°So that is where my change went¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what he wants me to do. Genuinely, I have no idea what I¡¯m doing.¡± ¡°Who says you need to do anything? Is the task not to live your days in a blissful haze with your amazing sister,¡± Reina spoke in perfect deadpan, straddling the fine line between sarcasm and sincerity. ¡°No Reina. He wouldn¡¯t shut up about this ¡®game¡¯ he wanted me to play, like people¡¯s lives are something to play with¡­¡± ¡°Perhaps you are the game¡¯s only participant, would it not make sense that you have ascertained your consent?¡± ¡°What kind of game has one player?¡± ¡°I can name several¡­¡± ¡°I was being rhetorical Reina. I need to meet a standard or do something that he wants me to do. But he won¡¯t tell me what!¡± ¡°Why did you want to speak with him again?¡± Reina asked, cutting to the heart of the issue. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± ¡°¡­Is the only reason he helped me because you asked?¡± Reina¡¯s eyes narrowed, ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°If you didn¡¯t ask ¨C would I have just been left alone forever? In that house with no family of my own? Would he have been able to help someone else instead, someone more deserving?¡± Reina stopped and turned to face me, forcing me to step back. ¡°What makes you think that you are undeserving? Your attitude? The lies you told your parents when you were younger?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t suffering.¡± ¡°You were! I saw it on your face every day!¡± It was the first time I¡¯d ever heard Reina raise her voice like that. ¡°Why do you need to be in pain to get help? Would you not accept my hand unless you were missing a leg? Blind? Suffering from a deadly illness?¡± ¡°No.¡± Reina took my hand in hers and looked me dead in the eye, ¡°You don¡¯t need to deserve somebody else¡¯s help. It¡¯s our kindness to share.¡± Her words had cowed me into silence. ¡°We can help as many people as we can Miyako. I had the power, the ear of somebody kind, and I do not regret asking him for a second.¡± She seemed bashful all of a sudden, her voice returning to its usual volume. ¡°And¡­ I missed having a sister. As selfish as it is to say.¡± ¡°Even though I¡¯m a man.¡± ¡°In spirit.¡± ¡°In spirit,¡± I nodded. ¡°I do not mind. In fact, such a thing is the farthest thought in my mind!¡± ¡°Liar.¡± I walked past her and pulled on her arm, ¡°Let¡¯s get home before they wonder where we are.¡± My mind was adrift with worries still. The kindness of an individual is limitless ¨C but were the powers of a god in a run-down shrine? Did he expend that power to assist me? Could it have gone to somebody else? He could have made the disabled walk, or the blind see, but instead that power was used to turn me into a girl, a sister. He spread open the curtains of reality and plucked my life apart like it never was. Consent. Maybe that was the problem. When I saw Shinsuke, when he was supposedly busy and covered in bruises, he turned away. He didn¡¯t want to see me, and he never mentioned it again during club. Shinsuke was being pressured into keeping it a secret. All the excuses, his mysterious absences and illness, all of it was to cover up what was happening at home. If he¡¯d maintained such a story for so long, then it only made sense that he wouldn¡¯t consent to having his life intervened in. But how could I get Shinsuke to accept that what was happening was wrong? How could I keep him safe without jeopardizing what was important to him? We walked through the front gate of the compound and through the front door. We caught our mother as she crossed the threshold between the kitchen and the corridor. ¡°Oh, there you are! I was starting to worry that you¡¯d run off on one of your little adventures.¡± ¡°Do not worry mother, I will always guide Miyako back home safely.¡± ¡°Hey, who¡¯s the one who spends all of her time praying at that old shrine.¡± ¡°I do not,¡± she pouted, ¡°I go there once a week at most.¡± ¡°More than most people.¡± I placed my shoes into their place and shuffled over to my room. The answers to my dilemma would not come without time. 11 – A Dream
I was surrounded by darkness again. He was there. Sat in his stupid little armchair, loosely worn kimono and all. I stood and walked towards him. The void around us swallowed the light. He grinned and snapped his fingers, and a bed appeared ¨C the kind that a therapist would get you to lay on during a session ¡°I¡¯m not lying on that.¡± ¡°Humour me.¡± I sighed and sat on it, my legs dangling above the blackness. ¡°Why are you here? I thought you didn¡¯t want anything to do with me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m afraid that you have the wrong impression of me. I come and go as I please. I may open my ears or close my heart. I did neither ¨C I heard every word.¡± I considered him for a moment, ¡°Did I not say the right things? Not enough flattery perhaps?¡± ¡°While you are a beautiful young woman, I¡¯m far beyond enjoying the company of them. Your first answer was the correct one.¡± ¡°Is this just a joke to you?¡± His jovial attitude contrasted with his words, ¡°No. This is no joke. You are projecting your ideas onto me. Do you feel that you cannot take this game seriously?¡± ¡°Is a game not inherently un-serious?¡± ¡°No. Wargames are serious. Games that toy with people¡¯s lives are serious.¡± My eyes narrowed as he quoted me during one of my prayers, ¡°The only life being played with here is yours. And I do so with your consent.¡± ¡°Is this about Shinsuke?¡± ¡°No, this is about you.¡± He pointed at me, before turning his hand and holding his palm open. A light blue flame flourished out of thin air. ¡°It is always about you. It is always about your actions. Shinsuke is only as much a part of this as everybody else who surrounds you is.¡± I blinked and suddenly we were in my Grandmother¡¯s kitchen. ¡°Do not assume that everything I do is malicious.¡± I walked around the table and saw her laying there, just like she was on the day she died. He followed me and looked past my shoulder, ¡°Tragedy is a natural part of life. There are things that we cannot avoid, inner turmoil, depression, loss.¡± I blinked again, and we were inside the clubroom. ¡°When someone learns of the gods and their power, there¡¯s a terror in their hearts. The notion that they have lost their individuality, that their lives have been interfered with in some way. That is not the case. You can only afflict great change that is in line with what they feel and believe.¡± I sat down in my chair, ¡°What¡¯s the point in living if you can just wipe it all away? Hideki never existed.¡±Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°Hideki did exist. He is inside of your heart and your mind. But the will of the gods is as natural as the existence of yourself. There is no ¡®interference,¡¯ the gods have affected change in your world since the very beginning. The things you see can be changed, the only objective measure of what is and isn¡¯t real is the way you feel.¡± ¡°I feel like this is complete bullshit.¡± ¡°You are allowed to have that opinion. Let me put it another way for you, this ¡®game¡¯ I speak off is merely a hint, a push in the right direction. There is no prize, and there are no rules. The only player is you, and I am the referee.¡± We left the music room and arrived at the shrine. But this wasn¡¯t the shrine I knew. It was covered in a thin layer of freshly poured snow. The peeling paint and crooked planks were gone. The brushes and trees that hung over it like clouds in the sky were trimmed back, allowing sunlight to pour in. The god sat on the stone steps and opened his arms. ¡°This is not about Shinsuke, or even Reina, it is about you.¡± ¡°If it¡¯s only about me why did you change everyone¡¯s memories of me too?¡± ¡°If I ask a stranger to forget you, they will do so gladly. If I ask your friends if they want you to be happy, even if you change, they will do so gladly. There was nothing stopping me from doing so.¡± He seemed evasive on this point. I already knew how it worked, I wanted to know why. ¡°If I asked you to give them back, would you?¡± He closed his eyes and smiled, ¡°Maybe in the future. If you asked me now, I would say no.¡± ¡°Is it part of the game?¡± ¡°I will not say.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t get it. How am I meant to know what to do?¡± ¡°I know you will know what to do eventually. The fate of man changes by the second ¨C but you are on the right path. It is not a matter of knowing. You will inevitably discover the meaning behind my effort, and when you do you will come forth to me with an earnest wish.¡± ¡°And how do you determine whether it¡¯s earnest or not?¡± He smirked, ¡°It¡¯s very simple. You ask me for a good reason.¡± He snapped his fingers. Before I could say more. I found myself staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. What the hell? He decides to only talk at me while I¡¯m asleep! That didn¡¯t help at all. And I couldn¡¯t just place faith into his words, I was doubtful that he had the power to see the future. How could he say in confidence that I¡¯d fulfil his idiotic and arbitrary criteria? If helping Shinsuke wasn¡¯t the point, then what was? I pulled myself out of the covers and poked around my room for something to occupy my attention. It was a Sunday ¨C my day off. I had no idea what to do with it. That is until I heard a knocking on my door. It slid open to reveal Reina, who was already dressed for the day. ¡°Is this a bad time?¡± she asked. ¡°No, I just woke up.¡± I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I walked over to the vanity and grabbed a comb, brushing my messy hair with a sigh. ¡°That god was poking around in my dreams, or something.¡± ¡°Are you sure it wasn¡¯t just your imagination, sister?¡± ¡°No. I¡¯m sure. It was weird. Why are you in here anyway?¡± ¡°I was hoping you¡¯d come with me.¡± ¡°For?¡± Reina blushed, ¡°Some of the other council members¡­ forced me to agree to attend karaoke with them.¡± I dropped the brush, ¡°It¡¯s the end of the world.¡± She pouted, ¡°Don¡¯t make fun of me! I¡¯d feel more comfortable if you were there.¡± ¡°Won¡¯t they think it¡¯s weird if I show up uninvited?¡± ¡°No, I already asked them if it would be okay. Some of them would like to meet you.¡± ¡°Ugh fine. Give me a minute and I¡¯ll clean up.¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t it take an hour¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t work on your timescale Reina.¡± 12 – A Song
A gaggle of students were gathered at the entrance to the karaoke place. The other student council members weren¡¯t the trendiest people in the world, but Reina as a plus one would help. Much to my surprise, there was one Mr Johnny among their number. When our eyes met, I could swear that he slinked back behind one of the other girls. That was his sister! Had she brought him along? ¡°You hiding from me Johnny?¡± He re-emerged with a frown, ¡°Why are you here too?¡± ¡°Reina brought me.¡± Reina had already gone about greeting every member of the group, of which there were seven beside me and Johnny. One of them was Johnny¡¯s sister, Sae. The council ignored us for the moment. ¡°Did your sister drag you here?¡± ¡°Yeah, she said she was too nervous about it. I wouldn¡¯t mind if you weren¡¯t here.¡± ¡°I¡¯m here for the exact same reason Johnny, cool it.¡± ¡°I thought your sister was a social butterfly?¡± ¡°She is in school, but when you ask her to sing¡­¡± ¡°I get you.¡± The group stopped patting Reina on the back for a moment as she ushered me over. ¡°This is my sister; she looks like a delinquent but she¡¯s really nice once you get to know her.¡± ¡°I object to that.¡± To be honest I¡¯d chosen the most delinquent adjacent clothes I owned. I had a blue jacket with a tiger pattern stitched on the back, jeans with holes ripped in them, and a shirt with one of my favourite bands on it. Sae hummed as she looked over my choice in fashion, ¡°It¡¯s like looking at a Reina who¡¯s gone down a dark path.¡± ¡°Alright, try not to insult my friends too much,¡± Johnny sighed. Reina introduced me to the rest of the party. Most of their names bounced right off of me ¨C there was a lot to remember in a short time period. What were the odds I¡¯d need to know anyway? Reina herded the council members into the building¡¯s lobby. It was lit in light blue and pink and had a polished wooden reception desk. The woman behind the desk smiled, ¡°Welcome! How many people are with you?¡± ¡°Ten.¡± ¡°We have a big room available¡­¡± the woman prattled off information about how long the session would last, and how to order food and drinks. I turned to Johnny, ¡°Do you come to karaoke often?¡± ¡°No. I prefer to practice at home.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t think that you¡¯d use karaoke for practice.¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s too distracting for me. I like to hear myself, so I know I¡¯m hitting the notes.¡± The room was fairly small. It had a pair of tables surrounded by padded seats, and in front was a slightly elevated stage with the karaoke machine on top of it. There was dim violet lighting that gave it a nightclub aesthetic. The council members all piled into the seats, one after the other, Reina, I and Johnny ended up sat on one end.Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. ¡°Who¡¯s going first?¡± One of the councilmen asked, pushing the song catalogue across the table, an outdated idea considering that modern karaoke machines could search the list for you. I grabbed it and slid it in front of Johnny. ¡°Show ¡®em how it¡¯s done Johnny.¡± He nodded and flipped through the pages, finding something that caught his eye. He entered his selection into the machine and pulled the microphone from the stand. Johnny had shown some tact for once ¨C and had chosen something not too alienating for the council members. It was still pretty fast paced, and let him show of his favourite high notes, but it wasn¡¯t the usual punk fare that he was so eager to perform in the club. The song ended, and everybody gave him a polite applause. One of Reina¡¯s friends, Hiro spoke up, ¡°That was great, as expected from the music club I guess.¡± He took the book and looked up his own song. ¡°I¡¯ll go next.¡± This continued for quite some time, the book being passed between each member. Everyone had a different level of singing skill, but nobody could quite leapfrog Johnny. He wasn¡¯t even warmed up. Reina was terrible. I wasn¡¯t going to mince words ¨C she was resistant to projecting her voice and couldn¡¯t really keep up. I didn¡¯t tell her that, but¡­ Then the book finally found it¡¯s way to me. I had been thinking on what to pick for a while. I was happy with pretty much anything. I wasn¡¯t picky. I listened to nearly every genre in my free time. But picking something to show off to the others was tough. One of the others only knew anime openings so maybe it wouldn¡¯t be so bad. ¡°Alright.¡± I hopped onto the stage and entered my own choice of song. It was a slow-paced song called ¡°wandering heart.¡± It was pretty obscure. As the beat started it took a minute for the rest of the group to learn it¡¯s rhythm and clap along. The next few minutes were a blur to me. I sang my heart out. My lungs burned as the notes flowed from me like I was an expert. So yeah, I¡¯d been practicing. Before I knew it, the song was over, and the group burst into an applause that made Johnny¡¯s seem modest by comparison. I blushed, bowed slightly, and hurried back down to my seat. Whoops! I was trying to keep myself on the down low. Johnny punched my shoulder lightly, ¡°Showing me up.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± The book returned to the first person in the line. The festivities continued for another hour. Reina didn¡¯t¡¯ have any problem at all interacting with them with me around, and I got to know a few of them better in between rounds of cheering and clapping. We had a great time, but our money could only go so far, and after the first extension we decided to call it there. As I was leaving, Johnny sulked by the doorway. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen you have as much fun as you did right there. Didn¡¯t you want to sing in the club?¡± I shrugged, ¡°A bit, I guess. But you wanted to do it more than me, I was happy to play guitar.¡± ¡°Come on,¡± he said, sounding half life he wanted to convince me one way and another half the other. ¡°No. It¡¯s the music club Johnny. I¡¯m not going to fistfight you over who gets to be the singer. We¡¯re doing this for fun, aren¡¯t we?¡± He ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, ¡°You know, this is the problem with you. You can never be selfish for once.¡± ¡°So do you want me to take your spot?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, do you?¡± ¡°No, not if you want it.¡± Johnny was clearly frustrated with me. ¡°You¡¯re a better singer than me. I¡¯m not afraid to admit it. If it makes the band better, or more successful, you should just go out and do it.¡± I sighed, ¡°Can¡¯t we just leave it there?¡± Before we could continue arguing, one of the council members ¨C Tanaka, tapped me on the shoulder, he held out his phone and pointed to it, ¡°Hey, isn¡¯t this you?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± I looked down to see a video on his feed. My veins turned to ice as soon as I realized whose back I was staring at. It was mine, from when I scared off those pick-up artists downtown. ¡°It¡¯s going viral right now; it blew up yesterday for some reason. I was wondering, that was you and Reina, wasn¡¯t it?¡± The video was clear as day. Somebody had pulled out their phone and recorded the whole damn thing. The comments I could see were talking about how amazing and badass I was for standing up to them ¨C but I knew that for every second that the video spread, the higher the chance of somebody seeing it that I didn¡¯t want to. Like the teachers at school, or my parents. ¡°I¡¯m in so much trouble.¡± 13 – A Statement I couldn¡¯t get away from it. Every single person in school seemed to know about my little incident from that day. They ask me about it in the corridors, at the gates before school, and one of them even tried to come into the club room. Overnight I¡¯d become the biggest celebrity in school. So it was no shock to me when I was called into the teacher¡¯s room after our morning lesson. Much to my horror it was not just our teacher who was present, but the principal of the school as well. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t be so nervous Miyako. You aren¡¯t in any trouble.¡± Yeah, right. I¡¯d probably caused no shortage of headaches in this room in the past few days. The video had completely blown up, being shared hundreds of thousands of times. Given the lifecycle of something like this ¨C I was predicting that it¡¯d be on daytime TV by the end of the week. I took a seat next to the long row of desks that cut the room in two. They sat across from me. ¡°I¡¯m definitely in trouble.¡± The principal shook his head, ¡°You aren¡¯t, although I¡¯m sure that you know why we called you here.¡± My teacher pulled out a piece of paper and scanned it with his eyes, ¡°We¡¯ve had no less than two hundred inquiries about it. Our phone won¡¯t stop ringing.¡± As if on cue, the high-pitched wail of the old thing blared above the comparative silence. Another teacher hustled over and picked it up. ¡°No, I¡¯m afraid we can¡¯t do that.¡± The curt rejection was followed by the phone being put back onto the receiver. The principal shook his head, ¡°As you can imagine, we¡¯re in a tough position. While we don¡¯t want to¡­ encourage, this kind of behaviour ¨C to punish you for defending your sister would cause us just as many problems. I think what you did was very noble.¡± He was trying to be diplomatic with me. If I were anybody else, I¡¯d be back through the gates so fast that my head would spin. The publicity of the video and the positive response it got from many other women who¡¯d dealt with something similar had tied their hands. Like it or not, overnight I¡¯d become the face of a feminist movement. The irony of such was nearly enough to make me sick.Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. ¡°I¡¯m not going to offer you some excuses. But what I can do about it? Everybody in the country will see it at this rate.¡± The principal nodded and leant back in his seat. He was a naturally rotund man with a tanned complexion. He looked a bit comical to me. I noticed that he was combing over his hair, something that would distract me every time I looked at him. I was trying to find something to look at that wasn¡¯t them. I couldn¡¯t bluster my way through this one. ¡°You could¡­ offer an apology.¡± I blinked. ¡°An apology?¡± He nodded, his smile betraying his poor read on my mood. ¡°An apology to the man who sexually harassed my sister?¡± The smile wilted. ¡°This is for the good of the school. And it¡¯ll let you get back to the peace and quiet.¡± I stared a hole through him for a nearly a minute. The situation had been completely turned on its head ¨C he was the one sweating now. ¡°That¡¯s a tough sell Principal, I¡¯ll mark that as a maybe.¡± I stood from the chair and turned to leave, ¡°Wait, wait, you can¡¯t just walk out!¡± ¡°I can and I am,¡± I turned back and looked down on them, ¡°If you want to put me on camera with a live microphone, that¡¯s your choice. But I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll have anything nice to say if you do. I barely even touched him anyway.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not about what happened-¡° ¡°It¡¯s about how bad it makes you look; I get it.¡± ¡°This will seriously impact your future!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll take the chance.¡± My teacher finally stepped in, ¡°Sir, I don¡¯t think this is an appropriate way to manage the problem. It¡¯d be much better to let it blow over! These stories come and go every day. And I have to say, I don¡¯t approve of implicating Miyako in solving it.¡± The principal¡¯s bluster had been firmly cowed by him. ¡°I do think you should make a statement Miyako,¡± he insisted, ¡°If not an apology ¨C then at least your perspective. If you don¡¯t offer your side of the story, they¡¯ll never leave you be.¡± ¡°Like an interview?¡± ¡°Actually,¡± he handed over a piece of writing paper and a pen, ¡°I think the best way would be to make a written statement of your own. If you can finish it today and bring it here.¡± I took them from him and sighed, ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll write a statement. But it won¡¯t be an apology.¡± I hurried out of the room before the principal could try to tie me into something else I didn¡¯t want to do. An apology? Of all the stupid things. Assault a schoolgirl in the street and get off without a punishment, and an apology from one of the victims? It made my blood boil. Not just the idea of the principal thinking that it¡¯d be right, but the idea that Reina might have been in danger if I hadn¡¯t stepped in. What if I weren¡¯t there to scare them off? Would they have gotten violent with her? By the time the next bell rang I hadn¡¯t written a single word. What was there to say? Any normal person could have understood why I did it, so why did I need to apologize for it? ¡­ I started writing. It was no apology, but it was definitely a statement. 14 – A Compromise
¡°He really told you to do that?¡± Matoi scoffed incredulously. It was the rare time when all of the regular members of the club were assembled in one place. Not for a concert or practice, but for the monthly committee meeting. We had to prepare documents for the council with expected expenses for approval and a curriculum of activities that we would be doing. It was how they decided what clubs were taking themselves seriously. ¡°I know, unbelievable right?¡± Johnny tapped my shoulder, ¡°Overnight feminist sensation over here.¡± I rolled my eyes, ¡°Shut up.¡± Saaya sighed, ¡°I think I saw it on the talk show this morning ¨C I didn¡¯t stay to watch it.¡± ¡°Good, that means it¡¯s nearly past it¡¯s sell-by date. And they can get off my back about it.¡± I shuffled about a few of the papers that had been put in front of me. ¡°All I did was twist some guy¡¯s finger a bit.¡± ¡°Hm, but standing up to perverts like them is really brave. Some of them might even get violent. My auntie was hospitalized by one of them once. It wasn¡¯t too serious thankfully,¡± Saaya regaled. ¡°Maybe it¡¯ll make some of them think twice about it in the future.¡± ¡°Not everybody is totally butch like Miyako though,¡± Johnny snickered. Saaya frowned, ¡°Butch? She looks the same as her sister.¡± ¡°Without the style, or the grace, or the manners¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m sat right here, asshole.¡± ¡°See?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t expect me to sit back and let you insult me.¡± ¡°Reina wouldn¡¯t insult me.¡± ¡°She should because you¡¯re a prick.¡± Matoi slapped the table, ¡°Alright, enough of the double act. We need to finish up these proposals.¡± The argument was defused, and we settled down to finish off the timetable for the coming month. ¡°Did you make any progress on getting a new gig yet?¡± Johnny squinted, ¡°Maybe. There¡¯s a restaurant nearby looking for slow acts. But I don¡¯t think I¡¯d be any good at that. I tried to get Miyako to sing but she won¡¯t.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t even know I could sing until a few days ago.¡± ¡°Yeah and you¡¯re really good at it. The soothing voice of a woman is much better suited for that kind of thing, don¡¯t you think?¡± I shook my head and went back to my work, but Johnny wouldn¡¯t let it lie. ¡°Have you heard her? Matoi, Saaya?¡± Matoi rubbed out a mistake, ¡°No.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just saying that Miyako could take the lead on this one.¡± Kei stuck his nose in, ¡°If she doesn¡¯t want to do it, she doesn¡¯t want to do it.¡± He quickly leaned in and changed the subject, ¡°Did you hear about Toya¡¯s band? They had a big bust up yesterday.¡± ¡°I did. They had something coming up but now it looks like they¡¯re breaking up,¡± Matoi grimaced, ¡°It was a big argument.¡± ¡°What¡¯s Toya doing about it?¡± ¡°Nothing ¨C from what I¡¯ve heard.¡± I¡¯d seen Toya hanging around the corridors with his friends on occasion but never talked to him personally. I wracked my mind for the members of the band. It was much bigger than our four-piece rock ensemble. ¡°Didn¡¯t they have some of the guys from the orchestra club?¡± ¡°It was a jazz band ¨C they had trumpeters and piano players and everything.¡± ¡°They¡¯ll be kicking down our door tomorrow and asking to join here.¡± Toya¡¯s band was not part of any club. All of the members brought their own instruments and had to find their own place to practice together. It was a huge pain to organize something like that. But it showed in how dedicated they were. They were very talented. It was a shame that they¡¯d hit a rough patch. The conversation was interrupted by a knocking on the door. It slid open to reveal Reina, who was stood beside my teacher. She waved me over. I sighed and left the table, ¡°Looks like I¡¯m not done with this yet.¡±The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°We¡¯re nearly done anyway,¡± Matoi grinned, ¡°Keep it clean.¡± I walked through the doorway like a condemned inmate. Reina had a nervous look on her face, and as soon as he started speaking, I understood why, ¡°The letter you gave me was¡­ illuminating. But that being said, the principal was furious. He ordered me to march down here with your sister and get you to rewrite it.¡± ¡°If what I wrote is such a problem ¨C he should write it himself. In the end he just wants me to say what he wants. So what difference does it make to me?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t disagree with how you feel. But I don¡¯t think that you¡¯d trust him to write that. There has to be a compromise somewhere here.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because compromising is what adults do. Sometimes you¡¯ve got to do something that you don¡¯t like or make changes to something you really care about that you don¡¯t want to. Either way, this is your letter. Don¡¯t tell him that I said this, but I think that he¡¯ll get found out right away if he tried to write it for you.¡± Reina nodded along, ¡°You don¡¯t want the principal to write it for you, do you?¡± ¡°No. But I don¡¯t want to apologise for it either. What is this letter even for?¡± ¡°The principal wants to release it as a statement for parents and the press.¡± ¡°And he can¡¯t do that himself? Why do I have to write it?¡± ¡°Would you like my help Miyako? I can assist in making a letter that is much more family friendly!¡± Okay, it¡¯s time to fess up. The letter I¡¯d written wasn¡¯t really an apology at all. If anything it was a scathing indictment of the way I¡¯d been treated since. A sideshow for everybody to poke and prod at, having the blame lay at my feet even though I was just defending my sister. I¡¯d had it. So the letter I wrote was an angry one, insisting that I¡¯d done nothing wrong and that I wasn¡¯t going to offer any apologies for my actions. I¡¯d shoved the paper into his hands and stormed away so that he couldn¡¯t ask me any questions. ¡°Didn¡¯t it make you feel uncomfortable Reina? You don¡¯t seem nearly as angry as I am.¡± She grimaced, ¡°I suppose. But I wouldn¡¯t want you to lose out on school. If we can act and still maintain our lives, I think that¡¯s the best way.¡± ¡°It looks like that¡¯s out of the question now.¡± My teacher clapped his hands together, ¡°I need an answer. If it¡¯s really such a bother I can draft a statement for the principal instead. He¡¯s too hung up on having the words come from your mouth. I think it¡¯s our responsibility to speak for you, especially when it regards to the operation of the school.¡± I hated being put on the spot like this. It was a tough question to answer. If I let him handle things, I might be able to get away with not saying anything ¨C a milquetoast letter from the teachers saying that they won¡¯t be answering any press questions and to respect the student¡¯s privacy. But that also might come with it¡¯s own problems. What if they said something I didn¡¯t like? Or offered an olive branch to the piece of shit who put his hands on Reina? I wouldn¡¯t be able to write something acceptable on my own. I was too emotionally charged. I nearly tore through the paper when I was writing the last one. It made my blood boil to even think about it. If I was being introspective, I might have wondered why I was feeling so defensive about Reina¡­ ¡°Just write something yourself. If you want the press to stop calling, it should be easy to ask them to stop right?¡± The teacher nodded, ¡°That¡¯s probably for the best. Jeeze, I don¡¯t know what the principal is thinking sometimes.¡± He rubbed a hand through his messy hair before turning to leave. Reina was left behind. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°Hm. It¡¯s your choice Miyako. Just do what you think is right.¡± ¡°Hah, what¡¯s right? I don¡¯t even know what¡¯s right anymore.¡± I felt a hand push my back out of the doorway, I turned around the find Kei and Matoi in my place. Matoi held up a stack of papers neatly organized into a folder, ¡°Perfect timing Prez, we have our papers right here.¡± Reina took the folder from him and tucked it under her arm. Kei pointed a thumb at Matoi, ¡°We conned him into playing piano with us for this next gig. Since we¡¯re trying something slower and all.¡± ¡°When did that get agreed on?¡± ¡°When you weren¡¯t in the room,¡± he smirked, ¡°Johnny is still bleating on about making you the frontwoman.¡± I groaned, ¡°If I do this for him, will he shut up about it and never ask me again?¡± Johnny¡¯s head poked out between the pair, ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Fine, I¡¯ll sing for you. But as soon as we¡¯re done, you¡¯re back in front again.¡± ¡°Nice. Well, we¡¯ll need to get some new tracks lined up. Something a bit chiller for the folks in the restaurant. Something nice and romantic.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t know romance if it hit you over the head,¡± Kei pushed him back into the room. ¡°Thanks Miyako, maybe we¡¯ll actually stick the landing on this one, yeah?¡± ¡°Yeah, maybe.¡± I was dreading it. I had confidence in my ability to sing, especially with the new vocal chords that god had seen fit to give me, but the real kicker was being out in front. When I was the guitarist I could hide off to the side and keep my head down. Being in front induced no small amount of anxiety in me. I knew that if I wanted to get over it, I¡¯d need to confront that fear head on though. Also, romance? From me of all people? ¡°I¡¯m going to take your files back to the council room, are you finished for the day Miyako?¡± Reina asked. I looked over to Matoi who nodded. ¡°Looks like it. Let¡¯s go.¡± I waved the others goodbye and followed Reina to the clubroom. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, quickly depositing the club¡¯s folder on a pile with many others. ¡°We¡¯re going to have a lot of work tomorrow.¡± ¡°Do you think I should have written that letter? I¡¯m kind of regretting it now.¡± Reina leaned against the table and crossed her arms, ¡°I think you did the right thing for that moment. I¡¯m very flattered that you¡¯d put yourself in harm¡¯s way for me.¡± ¡°If we¡¯re family now, I¡¯m going to act like it.¡± Reina smiled, ¡°Thank you. But I don¡¯t think there¡¯s a right way to deal with the fallout. No matter what you do, people may misinterpret your words or make judgements based on falsities. Perhaps waiting for the issue to go away is the correct answer.¡± She shrugged. ¡°People have short memories. I¡¯m sure in a week they won¡¯t even remember this.¡± My life was a play, and a God had decided to afflict me with dramatic irony. 15 - A High It turned out, that no, people would not forget about it so easily. While I could usually look to Reina as a shining beacon of common sense, compassion, and good advice, she¡¯d missed the mark on all three points. The video would not stop spreading, and it had grown from being a local oddity to a national news sensation. The original video had been spread hundreds of thousands of times ¨C not counting the numerous reposts that must have contributed to the frenzy. At some point the press had found my parents home telephone number and had been blowing up the phone every second of the day for the entire weekend. Dad eventually got tired of it and damn near ripped the cord out of the wall in the process. ¡°Vultures¡­¡± he griped, the rare occasion where I¡¯d seen him get angry at other people. I knew I was in over my head when a morning news show dedicated a segment to the backlash against harassers like the men who I¡¯d confronted. I¡¯d captured some kind of national mood, in a country where staying in your lane was enforced through contract and peer pressure. The thought of getting physical with a harasser was just something that nobody could fathom. The school had deployed a vaguely written response. I had to assume that my teacher, being smart, had talked the principal out of putting words into my mouth. It simply asked for reporters to treat the school¡¯s phonelines with respect and reiterated their policy of not sharing information about their students with outside bodies. Amazingly, all of this had combined to keep my name out of the news. At least for the moment. I¡¯d been coronated with a thousand silly nicknames by the churning waters of the internet. ¡°Finger-chan,¡± the ¡°Ultimate Feminist,¡± a weird portmanteau combining schoolgirl with being stepped on ¨C I shudder to think what kind of person would use that. That being said, it did not stop people from talking in the school itself. I¡¯d become a celebrity for better or worse. A lot of the boys were afraid that I¡¯d break every bone in their body if they got too close, and some of the girls too. I was just trying to keep my head down. Johnny slumped over in his chair, ¡°Why¡¯d you have to go and do that Miyako?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know that it¡¯d blow up!¡± ¡°This is a good thing right,¡± Kei shouted from behind the drum set, ¡°More exposure!¡± ¡°No,¡± Johnny contested, ¡°Nobody¡¯s going to know that she¡¯s performing until they get there, stupid.¡± ¡°Oi, when they invite you onto one of those morning shows, plug our band, yeah?¡± ¡°Do we even have a name yet? No. That¡¯s right,¡± I responded, ¡°Am I going to plug the music club?¡±If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Johnny and the Maniacs.¡± ¡°Terrible. Vetoing that.¡± Johnny huffed and kicked the back of my chair. Shinsuke kept silent as we argued instead of worked on our piece for the gig. Matoi had come through with a few suggestions since it was more his wheelhouse than ours. We didn¡¯t have any original material, so we¡¯d be covering some other people¡¯s music instead. Matoi had gone to the bathroom, leaving us to bicker like a group of children. Johnny laughed at his own joke before even saying it, ¡°Miyako and the radical feminists.¡± Kei groaned, ¡°That¡¯ll age poorly.¡± ¡°It¡¯s funnier than Johnny and the maniacs,¡± I quipped. ¡°Here¡¯s a thought, let¡¯s not put someone¡¯s name in the front of it like we¡¯re from the forties.¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing wrong with a retro throwback.¡± ¡°There is when we¡¯re trying to be trendy. What are you, my dad?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t even matter,¡± Kei butted in, ¡°We¡¯re not going to announce who we are to the couples eating are we? Oh, we¡¯re Johnny and the losers ¨C buy our CD that doesn¡¯t exist.¡± ¡°I made a twitter actually.¡± ¡°Bullshit.¡± Johnny pulled out his phone and hammered away until he opened his twitter app, ¡°Look.¡± He held the phone out in front of Kei, who leaned over the drum set to get a closer look. He visibly winced. ¡°You¡¯re getting ahead of yourself there.¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing on it yet!¡± ¡°Yeah, because we don¡¯t even have a name!¡± The doors slid open and Matoi re-entered the fray. ¡°Have you all been arguing since I left?¡± ¡°Yes, they have,¡± Shinsuke admitted, twanging a string on his bass guitar. Matoi was visibly annoyed with our usual routine of half an hours argument about the name of the band before anything was actually played. I stood from my chair and picked up the microphone, wanting to press the issue so we could get something done. ¡°Did you all read up on your parts?¡± The rest of the group nodded to the affirmative. ¡°Alright.¡± He sat down behind the electronic keyboard and pointed to Kei, ¡°Lead us in.¡± Kei cracked his knuckles and adjusted his grip before beginning to hammer out the beat to the song that Matoi had picked out. For Kei it was child¡¯s play ¨C he had the arms of a strongman and the rhythm of a professional. Crunch time. Let¡¯s be honest. This was the last place I wanted to be. I¡¯d be struggling with this for a while, but I didn¡¯t want to draw too much attention to myself. I didn¡¯t want to be the frontman of the band. Maybe it was because I was waiting for the reality to come in ¨C going up in a poof of smoke at the worst time and being Hideki again. I swallowed my fear and prepared myself. The rest of the band came in, and I started singing. Just like the karaoke session ¨C the words flowed from my mouth like water. I entered a trance where that fear that had paralyzed me just seconds earlier disappeared into nothing. I found myself growing more and more enthused. It was a sappy one. About love and heart, the kind of thing you¡¯d hear on the radio in the morning. A ballad to somebody much older than me. Who has a job and responsibilities. What was in my future? I didn¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t know if I¡¯d still be Miyako by the end of all this. Would I be Hideki again? I hit the high note, perfectly, and held it. The song ended. There was a moment of silence between us. ¡°Wow.¡± My cheeks flared red as I felt four pairs of eyes on me. Matoi shook his head, ¡°Why didn¡¯t you take the front before?¡± Johnny cackled and pointed at me, ¡°Look, she¡¯s gone all red!¡± ¡°This is exactly why!¡± 16 - A Concert
I was nervous. The restaurant wasn¡¯t packed to the brim, but there were a fair number of people filing in. Couples and small families, ordering food and all facing a small stage that had been set up at one end of the dining space. I peered through the velvet curtains and quickly retreated before any of them could notice me. If they felt the same way, the guys didn¡¯t show it. They were joking and talking like always. Maybe I was just a complete pushover ¨C forget picking a fight with two pick up artists in the street. I could understand why they wanted me to do it though. And for the club, I had something of an obligation to play along with them every now and then. I¡¯d made my own fair share of selfish requests over the past year or two. It wouldn¡¯t be right for me to just cross my arms and tell them that I¡¯m not getting involved. That didn¡¯t mean I had to like the idea though. I¡¯d had more than enough of the undue attention, that had been lavished upon me because of a street fight. My mind ran through a thousand doomsday scenarios where somebody in the crowd recognized me and kickstarted a riot in the restaurant. Or the two men would come back for revenge and storm the stage. I wasn¡¯t on an instrument, so I couldn¡¯t dull my mind with some tuning or practice either. I just had to sit there and wait for the inevitable. Johnny noticed. ¡°You look like you¡¯re at funeral.¡± ¡°Is it not? Marching me out to the mourners. They¡¯re weeping already.¡± He rolled his eyes, ¡°Come on, this is your big debut. Show a little energy!¡± ¡°This was meant to be your big debut.¡± ¡°What¡¯s so big about it?¡± ¡°Oh, so now it¡¯s not so big anymore?¡± ¡°Take the comedy act to Osaka,¡± Matoi interrupted, ¡°We¡¯re here to play a gig.¡± ¡°Why do you always compare us to a manzai act?¡± ¡°Because you always go on these long, stupid arguments about nothing.¡± Matoi straightened out his shirt. ¡°You all cleaned up nice at least.¡± Indeed. Johnny had decided to err on the side of caution this time and had followed our informal dress code, instead of looking like an eighties biker gang member. His usually wild hair was slicked down, and he¡¯d forsaken his usual jacket and jeans punk look.If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I¡¯d asked Reina to give me a go-over before I left. I was wearing a white blouse and black shoes, and my hair was left free like hers usually was. The rest of the band has broken out similarly untouched formal wear for the evening. We looked almost presentable for once. ¡°Are we ready to start?¡± ¡°All tuned up and ready to go. You wanna¡¯ give them a speech or something?¡± ¡°Hell no, let¡¯s get this over with.¡± We filed out onto the stage. All the bravado taken away in the face of actually preforming in front of an audience. The eyes were all on us. My arm was being poked with a thousand needles of anxiety again. I hadn¡¯t felt like this since I first went to school as Miyako. No introductions, I didn¡¯t need to stumble over my words in front of everyone and make an ass of myself. We quietly sat down at our assigned spots. Everything had been checked and double checked twice over. The only thing left for us was to play. Tap, tap, tap. Hitting the ridge of the drum. Matoi¡¯s fingers slid over the keys of the keyboard. A jazzy number to set the tone for the rest of the night. I took a deep breath and started to sing. My entire focus was on making sure that I didn¡¯t do anything too horrible. Before I knew it the first song had ended, and the audience had given us an applause that was a bit more than being polite. ¡°Thank you, thank you,¡± I bowed my head slightly. We transitioned straight into the next song. And then the next. People came and went, but we continued to receive their attention and admiration for the duration of the show. An hour later it was time for your spot to end. Time flies when you¡¯re having fun. Was I living vicariously? Being an attractive women with a good signing voice? I was being gifted with a freshly wrapped lease on life. Would I be in the same position if my Grandmother hadn¡¯t died when she did? I looked down on the crowd with a smile. I had to ask myself something new. Was it hurting anyone? Was God¡¯s mercy on demand? Did he have to recharge afterwards? We stepped back into the small backroom. Matoi seemed very excited. ¡°That was great! Our first real gig.¡± Johnny slapped him on the back, ¡°Alright! Record deals and superstardom are just a day away. Even though Miyako has a head start on that superstar part¡­¡± ¡°Being famous for getting in a street fight is a different animal to being a singer Johnny,¡± I sat down on a cheap plastic chair and rested my legs. ¡°And it¡¯s not like a record producer is going to burst through the door and sign us on the spot.¡± The man dared look at said door with an expectant look on his face. ¡°Johnny, are you stupid?¡± ¡°What? There¡¯s nothing wrong with aiming high.¡± ¡°You¡¯re aiming at the moon.¡± We packed up our own equipment and hung around for the next set. But closing time was soon upon us, so we went our separate ways and headed home. It was late. I quietly slipped off my shoes and snuck into the house. My heart was still pounding from the experience. If I wasn¡¯t careful, I¡¯d end up getting addicted to it. Maybe this was the buzz that motivated a lot of live performers. The fear had turned into elation. I slipped off the blouse and got into my bed clothes. I had a lot of time to stew over my own thoughts. It was school again tomorrow. I silently hoped that the story surrounding me would die down soon. I knew how short the attention span of the general public was. Radio silence from me and the school would eventually smother it out. Of course I was wrong. But I wouldn¡¯t realize why until the next day. 17 - A Word ¡°Oh my god, is that you!?¡± An excitable girl from my class had ambushed me the moment I entered the doors for our morning homeroom session. I¡¯d never spoken to her before. The usual separation between the boys and girls of the class was something that everyone accepted. But that was the old me. New me was very much a girl ¨C so it was open season for every stranger in the room to get up in my face and start demanding answers from me. ¡°Huh?¡± My brain¡¯s few remaining neurons got together and forced a name through my mouth, ¡°Naomi?¡± She was always a whirlwind of gossip and colourful accessories. A dull person would describe her as overly friendly. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you had such a great voice; it totally blew up!¡± She held out her phone, and in a repeat of the situation that had gotten me into such trouble originally, someone had recorded me and the club during our set at the restaurant. I blushed and avoided eye contact. ¡°Don¡¯t say that¡­¡± Naomi smiled and patted my shoulder, ¡°Don¡¯t start blushing, I¡¯m not teasing you.¡± ¡°I know, it¡¯s just embarrassing. I thought nobody would even bother to record it.¡± I glanced down at her phone screen, ¡°How many people saw that?¡± I dreaded the answer. Naomi laughed, ¡°Not as many as your last little video. It got a few thousand likes, by the way ¨C didn¡¯t the principal like, totally blow up at you about that?¡± ¡°No. He was surprisingly calm about the whole thing.¡± ¡°Huh. He always looks like he¡¯s about to bust a vein¡­¡± ¡°Who even recorded us?¡± I pulled her phone-holding hand over to me and looked at the screenname, but it was nothing that I recognized. A stranger who¡¯d visited with his family and just decided to take a little home movie with him. ¡°I should charge them for that.¡± ¡°I know right? Didn¡¯t you get super rich from all the people sharing your fight?¡± My mind flashed to the compound that my new family inhabited, ¡°¡­I¡¯m already well off.¡± Naomi took a moment to process my response, ¡°Oh yeah! Still, you should sue all those talk shows or something.¡± ¡°I¡¯m trying to attract less attention here.¡± ¡°Hey Naomi, you showing her the video?¡± Another girl droned, clearly tired of the topic. Naomi locked her phone and swivelled away, ¡°Yeah, chill out. See you later Miya!¡± I gave her a little wave and collapsed into my seat. The anxiety I was feeling about it wasn¡¯t new, but it wasn¡¯t welcome. How could I get up on stage like that when the thought of people who know me seeing it filled me with such fear? Although, I knew that it was nothing compared to Shinsuke. I arrived at the clubroom second and sat right in front of the door was our bassist. I nearly bowled him over. There was an awkward silence that only ended as he plucked at the strings. Twang. I didn¡¯t say anything. I put down my bag and pulled out my own chair. A minute passed. Twang. ¡°Say it.¡± I clenched the wooden backboard tight, so tight that my knuckles turned white. Shinsuke had a way of putting me on edge with just one turn of phrase like that. I didn¡¯t want to play this stupid game with him. It was too serious for that. ¡°Say what?¡± Twang. ¡°You know.¡± He leaned back slightly, the curtain of hair that hid his eyes parting slightly, ¡°About the bruises.¡± ¡°What do you want me to say?¡± ¡°Well, aren¡¯t you going to act all concerned?¡± ¡°I am concerned, obviously.¡± ¡°So why didn¡¯t you say anything?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know Shinsuke, did you want me to air your dirty laundry in front of everyone without asking? Oh hello Shinsuke, nice bruises, did your Dad cause those?¡± He twitched, the ever unflappable Shinsuke flinched. ¡°You aren¡¯t comfortable with this, why did you bring it up?¡±Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°You think you know what¡¯s happening with my family?¡± ¡°Do you think I¡¯m some kind of fucking idiot Shinsuke? I thought you knew us better than that.¡± Shinsuke seemed put off by my harsh language. ¡°Unless you feel like telling me the story, which I assume you don¡¯t. Because you only brought it up with me because I saw the¡­ bruises.¡± Shinsuke chewed on his pick. I was praying for the others to bust through the door and give me an escape from this conversation. I was starting to sweat. I was covered with pins and needles. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Shinsuke sighed, ¡°Why are you apologizing to me?¡± ¡°What do you mean? What I just said was messed up. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Twang. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I wanted you to say.¡± ¡°Do you want my help? Because I wouldn¡¯t even know what to do.¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°So what are you going to do?¡± ¡°What can I do? They¡¯re my family. I can¡¯t just live on the streets.¡± I crossed my arms and stared at the ceiling. ¡°That¡¯s how it works isn¡¯t it? They hold everything over you so you can¡¯t reveal the problem. You can¡¯t tell the police. You can¡¯t go to extended family. Not that I know anything about it.¡± Twang. ¡°I¡¯m not going to say anything unless you want me to Shinsuke. It wouldn¡¯t be right.¡± ¡°Why though?¡± ¡°¡­Do you want my help?¡± There was a pregnant pause. Shinsuke¡¯s face screwed up as he considered my offer, over and over again in his mind. I knew what the answer would be. It was all about what was waiting for him on the other side. I didn¡¯t know. Was his mother complicit in it? He didn¡¯t have any siblings to step in and defend him. He shook his head and looked back down to the ground. It wasn¡¯t my place to do something that he didn¡¯t want. I wasn¡¯t god. I couldn¡¯t see into his heart and decide in that moment what he really wanted. I could only listen to his word. I wanted so badly to run to the nearest authority figure and tell them ¨C but for Shinsuke, enduring the abuse of his own family was more comforting than a future without them. The door opened and Johnny charged in, Kei slithering behind him. The conversation was over as quickly as it had started. I felt like my mother had walked in on me cranking one out, but there was no evidence to conceal so I performed an uncomfortable shuffle in my chair. ¡°Hey Reina, did you see that post? We blew up! Suddenly I¡¯m getting calls from all over.¡± ¡°They connected the videos, together didn¡¯t they?¡± Johnny cringed, ¡°Maybe?¡± ¡°God help me.¡± ¡°The comments were very flattering,¡± Kei droned. ¡°Mostly towards you.¡± ¡°No time to complain now, Johnny was riding that marketability train to its natural conclusion.¡± ¡°Basing the entire damn band around you?¡± he sighed. ¡°Hey, I never said I was going to do this permanently.¡± ¡°Nah,¡± Johnny declared, ¡°Veto.¡± ¡°Veto?¡± Kei shrugged, ¡°Since it went so well, Johnny says he¡¯s going to focus on his guitar playing for now.¡± ¡°Sounds more like he¡¯s on strike.¡± He giggled, ¡°Yeah, I like that more. I¡¯m on strike!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have the voice for punk you know.¡± ¡°Total bull, there are loads of good bands with female leads.¡± Johnny picked up the guitar and stole my seat. Johnny had an abrasive way of dealing with other people, this being the latest example. He was forceful to a fault. I couldn¡¯t help but think about the rapid change in tone between my convo with Shinsuke and this one¡­ ¡°Next time, you should show some skin.¡± ¡°Over my dead body.¡±
Reina could sense that something was wrong with me. She saw right through me as soon as I passed through the door to the house. ¡°Is something wrong Miya? You look sad.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a lot wrong but not much I can do about it.¡± I peeled off my school shoes and put them away. The well-polished floors in the house showed every little piece of dirt. Reina followed me to my room, insistent on hearing a proper answer from me. ¡°I don¡¯t deserve any of this.¡± Reina pulled out a cushion and knelt on the floor. ¡°I already told you Miya, it is of no concern whether you deserve anything. You should not dwell on your own misery if you can help it.¡± I crossed my legs and sat opposite her. ¡°I would have been okay, maybe.¡± ¡°Why do you say that?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. It could have been worse.¡± ¡°But it didn¡¯t have to be worse.¡± ¡°¡­It¡¯s one of my friends, I don¡¯t know what¡¯s wrong exactly. But he doesn¡¯t want any help with it, but he also kinda¡¯ does.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± Reina had a strange look about her when I said it. At the time I didn¡¯t know why, but in retrospect it was as subtle as a brick to the back of my skull. What a shameless hypocrite I was. I¡¯d juxtaposed my own refusal of assistance with his. I didn¡¯t think about that though, I was too worried about Shinsuke. He¡¯d gone home after the club period had ended and I¡¯d started thinking about what was happening at his house when we weren¡¯t there. ¡°Why doesn¡¯t that god help him out? Shoot some magic his way?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s just as you said, your friend does not desire help. Without his consent he cannot interfere in his life.¡± ¡°Psh, like he¡¯d even help out anyway.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m afraid you might be correct. Perhaps he saw assisting the both of us as an effective use of his power?¡± ¡°He said that he has his own biases. He helped us because you asked, and you visited his shrine even though it was in such a bad way.¡± Reina nodded. Before we could continue Natsume knocked on the door and slid it open, peering inside. ¡°Oh, you two are here. Did you have a good day at school.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± She looked at my messy room with a frown, ¡°How did I give birth to such a disparate pair of daughters¡­¡± ¡°Life¡¯s complicated,¡± I shrugged. ¡°Dinner is nearly ready.¡± ¡°Of course,¡± Reina smiled. Natsume slid the door shut and disappeared down the long corridors of the house. ¡°Miyako, there are a lot of reasons why someone might refuse your help. They might fear what lies beyond, or they may not believe that they deserve it. They may even believe that their suffering is normal.¡± I pushed out with my legs and kicked the floor with the back of my heel, ¡°What am I supposed to do?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to tell you to stay silent, but perhaps this isn¡¯t a problem that you can fix.¡± I stood up and stretched out my body. She was right as usual. This was something for the police, or a therapist, not me. To be honest I didn¡¯t know much about Shinsuke outside of what he did in the club. But he was still a friend. I wasn¡¯t going to let him endure it alone. 18 - A Bin ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it be cute if we wore the same outfit Miyako?¡± I sighed and picked at the dirt that had slipped under one of my nails, ¡°Aren¡¯t we a little old for that kind of thing?¡± ¡°¡­Technically we¡¯ve never done it.¡± ¡°As far as everyone else is concerned though, that happened many times.¡± It was shrine cleaning day. Reina had dragged me out into the daylight to help her maintain the shrine that had caused me so much trouble over the past months. It was a small one, nestled in the trees off a beaten path. For something that used to hold so much importance to so many people, it¡¯s abandonment was almost casual in a way. Even the serenity of the surrounding area couldn¡¯t take my mind off what Miyako said to me though. A problem that wasn¡¯t my place to fix. Shinsuke was my friend, but she was right. It was a situation that was far too complicated for me to solve on my own. I¡¯d gotten used to thinking that everything was like a game, like I was the protagonist of my own story and not just another piece of a much larger puzzle. I picked up a discarded can and pushed through the tree branches. Reina had brought a black bin bag to keep all of the trash in, ¡°What brought this on? You¡¯re really going all out this time.¡± Reina took the can from me and threw it inside, tying it up and leaving it on the ground. ¡°Since god did so much for us, I thought that it would be only right for us to express our gratitude. Even I have been neglecting my duty of care with the shrine.¡± The shrine was battered, both by the elements and the occasional drunkard who blew through. The formerly vibrant red paint had chipped away revealing an old wooden fa?ade, ¡°Maybe Dad could give you some paint, fix it up even more?¡± ¡°Father¡¯s paint is no good for painting a wall. I have asked him before.¡± ¡°Well we should go buy some, and a brush.¡± ¡°¡­You are in a giving mood for once, sister.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t get why you¡¯re so open to this whole sister thing. I was just your classmate.¡± ¡°Do you not feel like we¡¯ve gotten closer? You even protected me from that man when we visited downtown.¡± ¡°Anybody would do that much, I think. I hope.¡± I knew they wouldn¡¯t. The number of people standing aside and watching the harassment had sickened me to my stomach. If I were still Hideki, would I be one of them? Stood there and gawping, phone held in shaking palms. What was the extent of my own change since then? It was a question that I couldn¡¯t answer myself. ¡°We share a lot of memories with each other.¡± ¡°That he made up for us.¡± ¡°It does bring into question the reality of our experiences. Although there are clearly consequences from the changes he made. Those memories did happen. Like when you attended the summer festival in that kimono¡­¡± ¡°Shut up, please. Never mention that again.¡±Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Intrusive but embarrassing memories are cut short with the arrival of someone you weren¡¯t expecting to see, Johnny. ¡°It¡¯s the dynamic duo themselves! What are you doing out here?¡± ¡°I could ask you the same thing ¨C this isn¡¯t exactly the main road into town Johnny.¡± Johnny shrugged, ¡°My mom told me that this was an awesome little spot to relax in, I didn¡¯t know she was talking about a shrine though.¡± ¡°This is Reina¡¯s favourite spot. She¡¯s dragged me into cleaning it up with her.¡± Reina squeezed her hands together, ¡°This shrine is special.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were religious.¡± ¡°You¡¯d be surprised,¡± I smirked. Johnny nodded; his face lit up as he remembered something. ¡°Oh, I need to show you this!¡± Johnny pulled out his phone and held out a profile page, ¡°Check it, the new home for our band.¡± ¡°Seifuku? Who the hell came up with that?¡± ¡°We were just kicking names around and Matoi came up with that.¡± ¡°Uniform?¡± ¡°Listen, I¡¯m not gonna¡¯ pretend that it means anything. It just sounds¡­ modern, catchy, you know? Avant-garde. You can write it in romaji too, confuse people a little bit.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t know avant-garde if it hit you over the head.¡± I knew that Matoi had probably thrown the term out at some point, and Johnny had incorporated it into his ever-expanding dictionary of terms and phrases that nobody but us would ever understand. ¡°We got another few gigs lined up. It¡¯s kinda¡¯ crazy, I think they saw you in that video and got in touch with us. Our page already has thousands of followers!¡± ¡°We¡¯re a cover band, a bad one.¡± ¡°We¡¯re not that bad. And it¡¯s only a matter of us writing some of our own material.¡± The category-five shitstorm that I¡¯d caused by standing up to that man was only good for a few thousand followers? It had been daytime news for a week straight, everyone in Japan knew about it. Although like with everything in life, people lose interest quickly and move on to the next thing. And what was to say that people knew I was in a band too. ¡°Johnny.¡± ¡°What?¡± Did I really want to tell him about Shinsuke? ¡°Nothing.¡± Johnny sighed, ¡°It¡¯s clearly something, don¡¯t give me that crap.¡± Reina had occupied herself by finishing off the job we¡¯d come to do. I wish Shinsuke would be decisive on things, ¡°It¡¯s¡­ I can¡¯t really say it. It¡¯s someone else¡¯s business you know. I don¡¯t know if they¡¯d want you to know.¡± ¡°It¡¯s someone we both know?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to tell you. But if they tell us, well, you¡¯ll know what it is then.¡± ¡°Why¡¯d you even bring it up?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s really terrible. I want to do something about it.¡± ¡°If that¡¯s the case, your first step should be to convince them to come out with it. What do they say? Acknowledging the problem is the first step to fixing it?¡± ¡°Never heard that one before.¡± I sat down on a stone slab and crossed my arms, ¡°Don¡¯t say anything. I don¡¯t want them to get mad.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯m not that stupid.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know about that¡­¡± ¡°Hey!¡± ¡°I am finished,¡± Reina declared, two black bags held between her fingers, ¡°Let us go.¡± Johnny tagged along with us as we walked through the neighbourhood. ¡°What kind of gigs did Matoi find?¡± ¡°They came to us. A few local festivals and events looking for live music for the crowds mainly.¡± ¡°Full music events?¡± ¡°No, nothing that big yet. More like what you¡¯d go to in summer. Few hundred people maybe.¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± ¡°You ever try writing your own song?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t ask.¡± ¡°A secret between friends kind of don¡¯t ask, or a no I¡¯ve never tried don¡¯t ask?¡± ¡°You know how hard it is to write lyrics?¡± ¡°Yeah, but you don¡¯t have to make it anything personal.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t music at it¡¯s best when it¡¯s personal?¡± ¡°True, but are you going to pour your heart out for the geriatrics that go to the town festival?¡± ¡°You never know.¡± Reina stopped and dropped the bags into a bin, ¡°A job well done!¡± Johnny checked his phone again. ¡°Is it that late already? I better get going before my mom asks where I am. Matoi will tell you more about it when we meet up again, I¡¯ll see you there.¡± ¡°Sure Johnny. I¡¯ll see you tomorrow.¡± Reina stared at him as he left, ¡°He¡¯s deceptively nice. I always thought that he was a delinquent.¡± ¡°He just likes the aesthetic. He¡¯s not getting into street fights.¡± ¡°Yes. I suppose that is your realm of expertise, is it not?¡± ¡°Cracking jokes are we? You need to work on your delivery.¡± ¡°I think my delivery is perfect ¨C you are the one who provides the emotional reaction.¡± ¡°You are just impossible to read.¡± 19 - A Book ¡°Oh, Miyako ¨C come here for a moment!¡± I spun on my heel and peeked around the thin walls of my father¡¯s studio. It was a plain room that looked out onto the garden, which in itself was a serene view. The space was dominated with various surfaces design to help him with his painting. Easels, tables, drawers full of supplies. Canvases lay on every spare inch of floor and wall, some in states of creation, others already complete and ready to be sold on. It was rare that he spoke with me. He¡¯d say hello and goodbye, and humour us with whatever we talked about during dinner. But he never asked me to talk one on one, not even after I became a celebrity for twisting an arm or two. I stepped inside and found him kneeling on a blue pillow. ¡°Come over here.¡± I knelt down next to him and awaited his judgement. ¡°What do you want me for?¡± He smiled and rubbed his hair, ¡°Ah, well. Your old man was curious about how things have been going at school.¡± ¡°Nothing unusual, aside from people asking to take pictures with me. I¡¯m the schools number-one landmark now.¡± He laughed and patted his knee with a hand, ¡°Making waves, are you? I was something of a troublemaker back in school myself.¡± ¡°¡­I can¡¯t imagine that.¡± The man of the house was anything but rebellious. Could striving for a career in art be considered rebellious these days? ¡°This was a long time ago; I had a lot of growing up to do you see. We got into fights over nothing important, skipped class, the usual mischief. My father went mad. He tried to steer me straight, but kids don¡¯t like listening much to their parents.¡± ¡°Are you trying to give me a life lesson?¡± ¡°Oh no, you and Reina are as well behaved as an old man can hope for. In fact, Reina worries me sometimes with how little she¡­ strikes out.¡± ¡°Strikes out?¡± ¡°You know, you begged and begged for that guitar for your birthday ¨C and eventually me and your mother caved. It was left under the bed within a week, it¡¯s something that all children do.¡± ¡°I got into it eventually,¡± I objected. He nodded, ¡°But you don¡¯t remember all of the things that you begged for that you didn¡¯t use! I¡¯m sure that there are dozens of other things in your wardrobe that you thought you couldn¡¯t be without but haven¡¯t ever used. It¡¯s human nature.¡± ¡°And Reina?¡± ¡°She¡¯s too economical. Even when she was younger, she never asked for anything. She just accepted what we gave her. It felt like we were telling her what to do. And you know that I want you two to achieve whatever you want to achieve. I started to think that I was doing something wrong. I still feel like that sometimes.¡±The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. ¡°Reina does what Reina wants. She¡¯s just a quiet person. She dragged me off to help her clean up the old shrine the other day.¡± The laughed again, ¡°She does love that place. And you went along with her?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t going to say no.¡± He turned back to one of the blank canvas, ¡°Do you mind if I sketch you?¡± ¡°No.¡± He pulled out a pencil and began to eagerly sketch my outline, ¡°Did you know that spontaneous art is the most effective? When you feel like you¡¯re at a roadblock, letting your mind run wild is the way to break through.¡± The pencil flew at blinding speed, and before I knew it, there I was, rendered in the rough touch of my father¡¯s art. ¡°They want me to write some of our own music. I don¡¯t know if I want to.¡± ¡°Hm. You could just make something inoffensive to tide them over.¡± ¡°Would you draw anything inoffensive if they told you to?¡± He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, ¡°No.¡± ¡°So I¡¯m not going to either. I¡¯m going to do it properly or not at all.¡± ¡°That sounds more like my daughter.¡± He pulled out another grade of pencil and began to choose his favourite lines. I watched him work with interest. He was a real professional. He sold these paintings to hotels and businesses around the country. On a good day he¡¯d find a private buyer who wanted to decorate their home with one of his pieces. A picture of myself would obviously not be on a hotel wall any time soon. ¡°Give me some inspiration, what should I write about?¡± ¡°I¡¯m no musician Miyako. Although both are creative endeavours. And even then, there¡¯s a world of difference between painting a landscape for a hotel and something that I actually want to make.¡± ¡°And what do you want to make?¡± ¡°Hm. Things I want to make? It could be anything. Sometimes I feel like throwing paint at the canvas and seeing what happens. Or like now, I want to draw a portrait of my daughter¡­¡± Who isn¡¯t really your daughter at all. ¡°¡­That¡¯s a question you can only answer yourself. I¡¯m sure that if you think about it, there are a million things you want to put into words that you can¡¯t right now. So why not put them into a song? I¡¯m sure it will be lovely.¡± ¡°Thanks. I¡¯ll try.¡± ¡°When are you going to invite your mother and I to one of your shows? She¡¯s been dying to see you play.¡± ¡°She won¡¯t like it ¨C we¡¯re totally different to what she listens to!¡± ¡°She won¡¯t mind, Mom is a modern lady as well.¡± Stretching the definition of modern there. Especially when she lives in a traditional house like this and wears nothing but traditional clothes. I climbed up from off my knees and shrugged, ¡°I¡¯ll tell you when I know more about where we¡¯re playing next. Matoi is keeping his lips tight for some reason,¡± When I¡¯d pressed Matoi for details earlier he told me not to worry about it, asshole. He nodded, ¡°Good luck!¡± I bowed and slid the door shut. In the corridor I nearly bumped into Reina. She was wearing her uniform still. ¡°You¡¯re back early.¡± ¡°Oh, good afternoon Miyako. Were you speaking with Father?¡± ¡°Yeah, he was curious about what we¡¯ve been up to recently.¡± ¡°He didn¡¯t ask about the fight?¡± I followed her through into the dining room, ¡°I think he knows well enough to leave that incident alone now. My temporary time in the spotlight is probably over.¡± ¡°I am surprised that you did not receive the customary scolding from both Mother and Father.¡± Reina sat down at the table and pulled out one of her schoolbooks. ¡°Already back to work?¡± ¡°There are a few matters that I must attend to.¡± I slipped out of the room and into my bedroom, pulling out one of the thick notebooks that was hidden under my bed. I flipped through the pages. Dozens of poorly written ideas for melodies and song lyrics had been sprawled onto the crumpled pages over the years. I¡¯d never tried to put them together. I pulled out a pen and walked back to the dining room. Reina was surprised to see me after leaving her. ¡°Oh, homework?¡± ¡°That¡¯s tomorrow me¡¯s problem. I need to do this for the band.¡± I put my head down and immediately curled up at the sight of some of the things younger me had written, ¡°Man, this stuff sucks!¡± Reina smiled, ¡°Do your best.¡± 20 - A Friend The music club had assembled once again to discuss our upcoming concert. Me, Matoi, Johnny, Kei and Shinsuke. Matoi sat at the head of the table, ¡°Alright. The next gig we have coming up is a big one. It¡¯s the summer festival happening downtown. They¡¯re setting up a stage in the shopping district, so there¡¯ll be a few hundred people watching us.¡± ¡°That soon?¡± I asked. This sounded like a big step up from the small restaurant gig we did last time. ¡°It¡¯s a vote of confidence. We¡¯re good enough to move up to the next level, that¡¯s what the organizers think at least.¡± ¡°We get paid?¡± Johnny asked. ¡°No, idiot. We can¡¯t get paid for school activities.¡± ¡°But we¡¯re doing it in our own time.¡± ¡°I know, I wasn¡¯t saying that rule makes any sense. The teachers will probably give us trouble if we start making money though. Anyway we don¡¯t have time to be making a career out of this yet, chill out.¡± I heard a set of feet approaching the door. It opened to reveal Toya, the other band leader who wasn¡¯t part of our club. Matoi stood up from the table, ¡°Toya? What¡¯s up?¡± Toya was a tall and somewhat intimidating presence, so it struck me as odd that he looked so sheepish about what he wanted to say, ¡°Hey uh, well. It looks like the band¡¯s over.¡± ¡°What? Seriously?¡± Johnny shared in Matoi¡¯s scepticism, ¡°No way. You guys were glued together at the hip!¡± ¡°They did have a big argument,¡± Kei sighed, ¡°Do you want in on our club now?¡± Toya nodded, ¡°I¡¯m not expecting to just be let in with open arms. You might have three or four people coming down over the next week to ask.¡± ¡°And you can still work with them?¡± Matoi asked. He was always one to get to the heart of the matter quickly. If they¡¯d broken up already ¨C they¡¯d be resistant to being in the same club with him. ¡°Yes, it¡¯ll be fine. It wasn¡¯t my fault really. All of the people from our school wanted to keep going, but you can¡¯t have much of a brass band with four or five people.¡± Matoi acquiesced, ¡°I¡¯ll get a form from the supervisor so you can all sign up. But I don¡¯t know if these guys need a wind section.¡± Toya looked between us. We didn¡¯t know him very well, so the chemistry between us would need to be established first before anything like that. A band isn''t just a collection of talented people - it helps if they''re friends too. ¡°It¡¯s easy to slip a trumpet into a setup like this. Just let me go wild.¡± Johnny was on it immediately, ¡°That¡¯d actually be pretty cool. We¡¯ve got a big at the festival soon, we were just talking about it.¡± ¡°If you want to come with, we¡¯ll be happy to have you,¡± I concured. ¡°We¡¯ll have to adjust our playlist though. At least we haven¡¯t started on that yet. You dropped in at the right time.¡± Johnny planted his hand on my shoulder, ¡°Speaking of which, how is our cute little songstress doing?¡± ¡°Never say those words again or you¡¯ll lose those fingers.¡± He backed off, ¡°Just joking, lighten up, jeez!¡± ¡°I forgot that you were involved with that video,¡± Toya muttered, ¡°Did it give you a bad reputation?¡± ¡°Are you joking? We¡¯re bigger than ever thanks to the finger crusher here,¡± Johnny cackled, ¡°Big feminist cred for doing that!¡± ¡°Stop pretending that¡¯s the only reason we¡¯re getting gigs, it¡¯s annoying. I don¡¯t know how Matoi feels about you prattling on about this,¡± Kei scowled. Matoi, for his part, didn¡¯t seem to care much. ¡°Any publicity works. But yes, I am actively looking for places for us to perform now. And I¡¯m only doing it because you four are actually talented.¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Toya hovered by the door, ready to leave, ¡°You¡¯re a lively bunch. Get that form to me and I¡¯ll sign it. I need somebody to practice with.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll find you after class tomorrow.¡± Toya gave us a brief wave before ducking out of the room. We¡¯d successfully scared him off with our usual routine of childish bickering. I leant back on my chair and looked at the busted ceiling. Ideas for song lyrics ran through my brain as Matoi tried to reorganize the meeting and get it back on track. ¡°Miyako, if you¡¯re going to write some music for us, try to leave some space for Toya to do his thing. I know that¡¯s a big ask but¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ll try. He just wants some clean air, right? We could just extend a few sections and let him get his stuff in. Speaking of which, I¡¯m trying not to write anything that¡¯ll peel the skin of your fingers, Johnny.¡± ¡°Why are you singling me out?¡± There were plenty of reasons to single out Johnny on something like this. He was not one to let his dissatisfaction go unknown to the group, and I¡¯d rather cut that off at the pass than wait until the last moment and have to change everything. Johnny was a talented guitar player, but he was also a picky asshole. ¡°Since you¡¯re such a delicate flower, I wanted to make sure that I haven¡¯t done something you can¡¯t do on the day.¡± ¡°Oh for¡­ just bring a second guitar if you want to get fancy. What happened to you being able to play? A week ago you¡¯d bite my head off for telling you to sing. The fame is getting to you.¡± ¡°Fame?¡± I scoffed, ¡°Being a sideshow attraction on the daytime talk shows isn¡¯t fame. And for that matter the only reason I''m doing this is because you threw a strop and won''t sing anymore.¡± He ignored my complaint and focused on the former statement, ¡°It¡¯s more fame than we¡¯ve ever had.¡± ¡°I keep saying they¡¯ll forget about it in a month. They already have mostly.¡± Matoi shook his head and went back to completing his paperwork. Shinsuke hadn¡¯t said a word since the meeting started, ¡°Shinsuke, you okay with all this?¡± He jumped, he wasn¡¯t expecting me to call him out, ¡°Oh, yeah, that¡¯s fine. Why?¡± ¡°¡­Because Johnny never asks.¡± He picked at the strings of his bass guitar. That was all I was getting out of him. I¡¯d called him out of some misplaced sense of concern. Maybe learning what he was dealing with at home had changed the way I looked at him. His aversion to speaking up, the way he never complained when something conflicted with what he wanted to do. Was that because of the abuse he faced at home? Or was that just the way he liked things, head down and eyes shut? I felt a tightness in my chest afterwards, and it wasn¡¯t just me not being used to wearing a bra again. I needed to hold back, I didn¡¯t want Shinsuke to think that I was being mean, or on the other hand, too nice to him because of what I knew. ¡°I¡¯ll get to scheduling this then.¡± The meeting adjourned. I was the first one out of the door, but I was ambushed outside by my sister. ¡°Is your club over Miyako?¡± ¡°Yes, what¡¯s the matter? You don¡¯t usually drop by unless you want something from me.¡± ¡°I apologize for my transgressions.¡± I poked her in the side, ¡°No you don¡¯t, out with it.¡± ¡°Would you mind assisting me with some council business? I must carry some documents to the teacher¡¯s lounge.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± I followed Reina to the boxes in question, discarded outside of one of the in-use classrooms. They were heavy. It was understandable that she¡¯d come speak with me about it. I grabbed half, and she took the other. We waddled back up the stairs to the teacher¡¯s lounge, even my well-trained arms were screaming out in pain. ¡°How are we going to get the door open?¡± As if the answer my prayers, one of the teachers, Minamoto, heard us and opened it, ¡°Oh! Reina, are those Mr. Yamazaki¡¯s papers? Put them down over here.¡± I placed the boxes down onto a desk and tried to get the feeling back into my arms. ¡°I didn¡¯t expect to see you helping Miyako.¡± ¡°Huh? I always give Reina a hand if she asks.¡± ¡°Have you¡­ been in any more trouble since the incident?¡± ¡°Is that what we¡¯re calling it now? You¡¯re just adding to the mythology of it with a name like that¡­¡± An awkward silence hung in the air, which was only shattered as Minamoto chuckled to himself. ¡°I suppose it is rather silly. But what could be a more sensitive, and neutral way to mention it?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, it was just a fight. Like you see in the playground.¡± ¡°I have more work, but I do not require any further assistance Miyako. You may go.¡± ¡°You go ahead without me; I want to ask the teacher something.¡± Reina didn¡¯t ask questions; she politely bowed her head and left the room. Minamoto was not expecting me to ask something of him, I was a total troublemaker after all. ¡°Can I ask you something private?¡± ¡°¡­As long as it isn¡¯t illegal.¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m not saying this is happening. But, if you knew that somebody was being hurt ¨C but they didn¡¯t want help, what would you say the right thing to do is?¡± ¡°Is this person your friend?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± The teacher took a seat and scratched his head, ¡°That¡¯s a tough question. They¡¯ll be upset if you help them, but you don¡¯t want them to get hurt.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°I think¡­ if they¡¯re really your friend, you should do everything you can to help. It might hurt their feelings, it might damage your relationship, but in the end it¡¯s the right thing to do. They¡¯re a victim first and foremost. If they come out and look for a solution, there¡¯s always a better way waiting for them.¡± Could I say that with confidence for Shinsuke though? Did he have extended family to take him in? Was that extended family just as abusive as his mother and father? What brighter future was there for him if I tore apart his life like that? Shinsuke knew himself and his situation better than I did. I didn¡¯t want to do something just to make myself feel better. I didn¡¯t want to throw away his opinion so easily. ¡°Thank you. I¡¯ll think about it.¡± ¡°You can talk to us anytime, especially if you think that another student is suffering.¡± I bowed and left the room. I had a lot to think about. 21 - A Bag At the rate that things were going, I was fully anticipating that my heart would give out by the age of thirty. I¡¯d experienced more drama in the past three months of being Miyako than I ever had in some seventeen plus years of being Hideki. It wasn¡¯t because I¡¯d turned into a young woman, trying to adjust to a new life. I¡¯d just become more perceptive of the things happening around me, and more active in addressing them. But Shinsuke¡¯s case was something that was not fixed so easily. He had his own will that I didn¡¯t want to interfere with. But as a friend I couldn¡¯t stand back and let him live with an abusive family. What could I offer him that he couldn¡¯t do himself? He could go forward to the teachers, get the police involved, but he didn¡¯t want to. My inner turmoil had worked its way into my lyrics. What Dad had said was true, spontaneous art was the most powerful. I¡¯d churned out several original concepts within days of Matoi¡¯s confirmation of our next concert. Writing down some words on a page and getting the others to agree to the sound were two different challenges though. Everybody had their own opinion of what sounded good. This had nothing to do with why I was stood in the aisle in the local convenience store. Mom had pulled me away from my work to help her with the shopping, which was odd. She usually preferred to do it herself. There wasn¡¯t much for an extra person to do. Did she just want my company? She was the member of the family I¡¯d spent the least time with. Or to put it another way, she was the quietest member of the family. I didn¡¯t know much about her that I¡¯d learned naturally. The memories that god had given me told me everything that Miyako knew, there was no problem with me fitting in around her. She was a traditional person. She looked after the house and cooked the meals. I knew that she used to have a job of her own before she married Dad. Despite that she wasn¡¯t the kind of woman to sit back at whittle away the day doing nothing in particular. Her hands were always moving, always working on something. My hands were not moving. I was staring at the produce like a zombie. ¡°Miyako, let¡¯s find something nice for dinner.¡± I trailed her through the rest of the store. She picked out the usual items with precision and practice. ¡°Why did you bring me along?¡± ¡°I¡¯m getting on in years, why would I not ask my daughter for help?¡± She smiled pleasantly at me. A mother¡¯s smile always contained an implicit threat though. She paid for the shopping and handed off half of the bags to me. It was no effort for me to carry them, but I was still curious. It was a ten-minute walk back to our house from the store. So it was her time to strike.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. ¡°How are things going at school?¡± ¡°Fine. Matoi is doing a lot for the club right now.¡± ¡°I never had the chance to talk to you about the incident. Your father insisted that we leave it alone ¨C that you were level-headed enough to know what we thought.¡± ¡°I know. It was stupid.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tell your father, but I think you did the right thing. But the right choice isn¡¯t always the one that people look on favourably. My family gave me so much trouble for working when I was younger. They wanted me to marry a family friend¡¯s son.¡± ¡°What changed?¡± ¡°I met your father. At the time I wanted my independence, but that isn¡¯t to say that people cannot change. After having you and Reina looking after our home became much more appealing, perhaps because it¡¯s a choice rather than something that was forced on me.¡± ¡°Those kinds of people don¡¯t learn. They just think they can mess around with people all the time.¡± She laughed, ¡°Sometimes I wonder if you and Reina are really twins. You¡¯ve become so different ever since you started school.¡± ¡°She inherited all of your grace and charm.¡± ¡°You have plenty of charm on your own.¡± ¡°Still no grace?¡± ¡°Would you like me to say that you have grace?¡± ¡°No. Not really.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t go thinking that you need to match her. You know how your father feels about it.¡± ¡°He hated it when we wore matching clothes.¡± ¡°Hmph, it was just for a cute photo. That man is a mystery to me sometimes.¡± We stopped by the lights as we waited for the cars to pass, ¡°I think you and Reina have gotten a lot closer recently.¡± ¡°She just took more of an interest in me.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s nice. Being close with your siblings is important.¡± We walked past the shrine. I felt like an imposter whenever I talked to these two. Dad just seemed to take my more masculine side in stride, but the way that Mom singled out all the ways that I was different struck me at the core. It made me want to conform, to be more like Reina. But that would mean discarding the Hideki part of me ¨C and I didn¡¯t want to discard my grandmother¡¯s memory like that. She raised me for years. I wanted to pay her back somehow. But I didn¡¯t know where she was. The adjustments that he¡¯d made to my life had made her disappear. If she was gone, I didn¡¯t know where her grave was. I doubted that he¡¯d do something as drastic as bringing a dead person back to life. A matter of perspective ¨C some would argue that changing an entire town¡¯s collective memory was just as bad. ¡°Here we are, safe and sound.¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t going to become a regular thing is it? I was busy.¡± ¡°Oh no. I just wanted to have a talk, teach you a new life skill,¡± she pulled off her shoes and swapped them for her inside pair. ¡°Going down to the store is pretty self-explanatory, I¡¯d think.¡± ¡°I just want you to know, me and your father do love you. Don¡¯t ever think that you have to change for our sake.¡± ¡°¡­I won¡¯t,¡± I smiled a fake smile as she headed to the storeroom to unload the spoils. Her words were meant to be a comfort, but they made me feel worse than anything else. 22 – A Bruise
¡°Come on, smile for the camera.¡± ¡°Piss off.¡± Johnny sighed and paused his recording, ¡°Come on! I¡¯m trying to get us engaged online, you know?¡± He waved the phone in the air. I glanced up from my workbook, ¡°What part of you questioning me randomly is supposed to get people looking at our page? Do you even have an idea for this video?¡± ¡°¡­It¡¯s a work in progress! And the first step is getting some material to work with, I¡¯m a sculptor getting his clay.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not clay, and this video idea stinks. I¡¯m trying to focus here. You know what a much better idea would be? A music video when we have something original to perform.¡± ¡°Hurry up with it then.¡± ¡°I would if you¡¯d stop annoying me. I was writing something down just a second ago.¡± Johnny slipped around behind me and I snapped the book shut, ¡°No, you can¡¯t see.¡± ¡°You¡¯re going to be singing that in front of hundreds of people.¡± ¡°It¡¯s still embarrassing.¡± ¡°I hope you don¡¯t hide it when it¡¯s crunch time, or we¡¯ll have nothing to show for all this work.¡± ¡°I¡¯d rather jump into the deep end first.¡± ¡°Whatever, it¡¯s your choice.¡± The humidity in the air was killing me. Johnny sat back down in his seat and rapped his fingers against the desk. Johnny was always the one who stuck around even when nothing much was going on. He was the member of the club I was closest with. We argued all the time, but it was friendly. We both knew that there were no hard feelings most of the time. Johnny decided to change the topic to something less controversial. ¡°Did you see that thing on the news last night? My parents had it on. About that guy that murdered his cousin with a fish.¡± God help me. As if to answer my prayers, Kei walked in, ¡°Was I interrupting something important?¡± ¡°Johnny was talking about TV again, what do you think?¡± ¡°Right, nothing interesting then.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± Johnny objected. I pulled out a ripped sheet of paper and slid it over, ¡°I got a beat for you. Pretty simple stuff.¡± ¡°Right, solid.¡± Kei had the easiest job out of all of us in terms of learning. Drumming was the basis of everything that we did, but it was also simpler. I could specify a beat and Kei would have it down within minutes usually. I slid another piece of paper to Johnny, ¡°Here¡¯s something for you.¡± He scrutinized it, ¡°This looks pretty tough.¡± ¡°Too hard for you?¡± ¡°No, I like a challenge. Looks interesting too.¡± ¡°And Shinsuke?¡± ¡°Yeah, got his sheet too. And parts for Matoi and Toya.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t even know if Toya wants to come with us,¡± Kei grumbled, ¡°Indecisive prick.¡±Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°No need to be mean Kei. It¡¯s simple accompaniment stuff, he can join in whenever he wants, and if he doesn¡¯t it¡¯s no big loss.¡± ¡°If you say so.¡± Toya had dropped by the club a few times since signing the paperwork to be a member, but he hadn¡¯t yet committed to actually being in our upcoming gig. I didn¡¯t expect him to personally. He was used to playing in a big brass band with a bunch of other professionals, not a garage band that leapt between genres depending on the audience. We weren¡¯t playing to compete, we wanted to show off. I don¡¯t think I could manage that kind of environment. Having to be perfect all the time and comparing yourself against other people. I liked music because it let me get away from the daily stresses of life. The stresses of school and that other sensation that gnawed at me a lot. The one that god had seen right through the first time I met him. No, before I even met him in the first place. Did he know before casting his magic? Or could he only learn the truth because he granted the wish? I wanted to ask him. Surely there was some limit on what he knew. He presented himself as just as human as everyone else ¨C with his own biases and likes and dislikes. Was it possible to act like a human when you know everything? A life without a little bit of dishonesty sounded like hell to me. I scribbled down a few more lines. I¡¯d squared off three or four full songs since I started. Without editing or scrutiny though, I didn¡¯t know how well they¡¯d go over. I had been feeling inspired though, Dad¡¯s words had an effect. I felt motivated to get something done. ¡°Where¡¯s Shinsuke?¡± Kei murmured as he fiddled with the drum set. ¡°Out. I don¡¯t know where,¡± Johnny replied. ¡°He¡¯s been acting weird recently.¡± ¡°He never talks enough for me to tell. Why do you think he¡¯s acting weird?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, he just seems evasive recently. Matoi is having a hard time getting him to show up.¡± ¡°I hope whatever it is gets sorted soon, I don¡¯t want to scramble to find a new bass player on the day of the show.¡± It was a challenge to keep my mouth shut. I didn¡¯t want them to speak badly of Shinsuke, he had a good reason to feel down, ¡°I¡¯m heading out.¡± I wanted to get away from the pair for a little while and sitting in the clubroom when practice wasn¡¯t on was not the most appealing idea. ¡°Alright, catch you later,¡± Johnny waved. I slipped out of the door and down the stairs to the first floor. The evening sun poured orange light into the building. I wasn¡¯t in the same class as Shinsuke, so I didn¡¯t know what Kei was talking about. When I headed out to the front gate, I spotted a familiar figure in a black hoodie hunched over against the wall, it was the man himself. ¡°Shinsuke? What are you doing out here?¡± I asked, putting a hand on his back. He was out of breath. He stood up, winced, and doubled over again. ¡°Ugh, shit.¡± ¡°Are you alright?¡± ¡°No¡­¡± he wheezed. ¡°You want a drink, or somewhere to sit down?¡± He allowed me to pull him to one of the nearby benches. It was clear from his gait that something was wrong with him. I helped him down and sat next to him, ¡°Why are you lurking around the gate?¡± I repeated. ¡°I-I wasn¡¯t in class today.¡± ¡°Kei said you were acting weird¡­ did something happen at home again?¡± Shinsuke averted his gaze, he couldn¡¯t meet me eye to eye, ¡°Shinsuke, I¡¯m worried about you.¡± Getting him to talk was like getting blood from a rock. Shinsuke sat back up and hunched over again a few times before letting out an ugly sob. I sat quietly and allowed him to let it out, somewhat conscious that someone less friendly might see, ¡°Come on Shinsuke, you¡¯ll feel better if you tell someone. I know you will.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just so fucking stupid!¡± He wiped his eyes with a sleeve, ¡°Why the fuck does this have to happen to me?¡± Every move he made was followed by a reaction to something unseen. ¡°¡­Did you get hit again? I can tell Shinsuke; you can barely walk!¡± He shrugged, ¡°Yeah, so what?¡± ¡°So what? He¡¯s going to fucking kill you at this rate.¡± ¡°I ran out and¡­ I came here. This is the only place to go right? It¡¯s not like I have anywhere else to run.¡± I swallowed my own words and tried to think of what to say to him. What could I say? Was I in any position to give him advice? ¡°I just wanted to get out of there, I didn¡¯t think about it.¡± ¡°¡­Do you want to come to my place?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way your parents would-¡° ¡°I don¡¯t want to hear that. They¡¯d take in anybody if I asked them to.¡± ¡°Maybe. They won¡¯t call the police.¡± ¡°Because?¡± ¡°Because it makes them look bad. They¡¯ll start snooping around, asking questions. I¡¯ve done this before ¨C crashed at an old friend¡¯s place for a night. When I got back the crocodile tears were turned on¡­¡± I pulled out my phone and sent a quick message to my dad. He replied in seconds okaying the idea. We had a spare room he could use for the night, ¡°Dad says it¡¯s okay if you want to stay the night.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t deserve this.¡± ¡°Who says you have to deserve shit Shinsuke? Your dad is beating the hell out of you. You¡¯re my friend, so I¡¯m going to do this for you at least.¡± Shinsuke nodded and tried to stand under his own strength but could only get over the curve when I pushed him up from behind. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°Come on, before Johnny comes down and sees you.¡± 23 - A Visitor ¡°You seriously live here?¡± Shinsuke asked in disbelief. He stepped through the front gate and into the well-tended garden. Pond, little bridge, the works. ¡°Have you seen my sister? Living in a house like this should be the first thing you think of.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve seen your sister, but I¡¯ve seen you too.¡± ¡°Get in before I change my mind,¡± I pulled open the door and beckoned him inside. He took off his shoes and stepped into the hallway. He was still wearing his school uniform. He must have ran away from home before he could get changed. My mother wouldn¡¯t like that. Not one bit. ¡°Are you sure your parents are okay with me staying here for the night?¡± ¡°I keep telling you not to worry. They¡¯d give you a kidney if you asked nicely enough. It¡¯s a spare room. It¡¯s no skin off their back.¡± ¡°¡­They¡¯re not going to say hello?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Mom! Dad!¡± I called out. Dad peeked his head through one of the sliding doors. ¡°Oh, is this your friend Miyako?¡± ¡°Yeah ¨C he can use the spare room tonight, right?¡± ¡°Of course! Mom already laid out the spare futon. It¡¯s all yours.¡± ¡°See, nothing to worry about. Go use the bathroom,¡± I pushed Shinsuke down the corridor and to the bathroom door, closing it behind him so he could get¡­ cleaned up. I stepped away from the bathroom and sat on the floor. Dad emerged from his hovel and got close enough to me so that Shinsuke couldn¡¯t hear. ¡°Why is he staying with us?¡± ¡°He ran away from home.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I shook my head and clenched my teeth. Dad was no idiot. He understood what I meant, or was trying to hide from him, immediately. ¡°You can¡¯t say it?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to. He doesn¡¯t want anyone to know.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t keep this a secret Miyako. He¡¯s in danger.¡± ¡°I know. Let me talk to him again before you come busting through and causing trouble.¡± Dad left it at that and retreated back into his studio. Shinsuke emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later. He¡¯d rinsed himself off in the sink. I escorted him through to the front room that looked out over the garden. I sat down on the raised wooden decking that ran around the outside of the house. I looked down into the pond. Dad¡¯s favourite koi was swimming around in the moonlight. Shinsuke took a moment to collect himself, ¡°It¡¯s not fair. Why don¡¯t¡­ why can¡¯t my parents love me like yours?¡±Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°I think they love you, and they think they love you. But some people are just destructive and selfish. They hurt people around them and never realize why. They think that¡¯s normal. They don¡¯t think twice about it.¡± He sat down next to me, ¡°Yeah. They always act like it¡¯s the best thing for me. Even when¡­¡± I cut him off, ¡°Or I could just be talking a load of shit. I don¡¯t know your parents. Life¡¯s unfair though ¨C we all get dealt a different hand. And we can only do what we can do to try and change things to be the way we want.¡± But it was a big fat lie, wasn¡¯t it? There was a God looking over my shoulder right now. Who could snap his fingers and stop all this madness. If his words were true though, Shinsuke would need to accept it on his own terms. He¡¯d need to believe or be vouched for by someone who believed. With all the suffering in the world why couldn¡¯t one God put an end to it? While I was stood there looking into the pond, Shinsuke¡¯s haggard face staring back at me I realized the reason why. Some people wanted others to be miserable. I only lived in Reina¡¯s house because she and her family allowed me to. On the flipside, Shinsuke couldn¡¯t leave his own because his family wouldn¡¯t allow it. or because in some way he felt like it was what he deserved. He didn''t earn anything better. All the wars in the world couldn¡¯t be ended by a God. All of the malice in the world couldn¡¯t be washed away so easily. When both sides think they¡¯re right, they won¡¯t back down. Humans made their own misery and shared it with other people freely. Would my grandmother be happy for me? Was she happy for me? ¡°Shinsuke. I¡¯m not going to pretend that I know your situation. But you need to say something.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Because I don¡¯t want to see this get any worse. If they go too far¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have anybody waiting to take me in Miyako. I can¡¯t just ditch my family.¡± ¡°Shinsuke. There¡¯s no way that staying in that house is better than the alternative.¡± ¡°It might be. Do you know how messed up the whole system is? I¡¯d probably end up with someone even worse. Or left to fend for myself.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t say that everyone else will keep quiet too. My Dad figured it out on the spot, you don¡¯t just ask for a spare room suddenly like that. I don¡¯t know if he shares your opinion on it. He might go to the police on his own. Don¡¯t you want to do it on your own terms? What if Johnny finds out? That guy can¡¯t keep a secret to save his life.¡± Shinsuke hid his face between his hands, ¡°I don¡¯t like this. I don''t want to choose.¡± ¡°You¡¯re only going to find people encouraging you to tell someone,¡± I stood back up. The setting sun made the garden look even more beautiful than usual, ¡°But I know that it isn¡¯t helpful. Just remember though - if you need a room, I¡¯m sure that Mom and Dad will let you crash with us.¡± ¡°Thanks. Really. I know I don''t talk much, but I''m really thankful to all of you for being here.¡± ¡°You hungry?¡± He nodded and stretched out, ¡°I feel like shit.¡± He looked like shit. I¡¯d only caught a glimpse of the aggressive purple splotches and yellow after marks that had been left. It sickened me to my stomach. I needed to deal with it somehow. My own disgust was nothing compared to the pain that he must have been feeling. I needed to remind myself of that. He was the victim here, not me. I needed to only do things he was comfortable with. Like, for example, offering him a place to go when his own home gets too heated. I led him through to the dining room where my Mother was cleaning. ¡°Mom, can you make something for Shinsuke? I don¡¯t think he¡¯s eaten yet.¡± ¡°Oh! We can¡¯t have that. I¡¯ll make something quick for you. Just wait a minute.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Shinsuke bowed his head slightly. We sat across from each other while she trotted away to the kitchen to work her magic. He moved back onto a lighter subject, ¡°I can¡¯t get over your house, this place is crazy.¡± ¡°I know. A lot different to the new houses they build around here.¡± ¡°How old do you think it is?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Few hundred years?¡± ¡°I would say that I¡¯d love a house like this, but I¡¯d probably get sick of it after a few weeks.¡± ¡°The walls are very thin; you should hear my Dad when he gets frustrated.¡± My ears pricked up as a masculine voice cried out in anguish, ¡°See, exactly like that.¡± 24 - A Spat Shinsuke set off early. I wasn¡¯t quite sure what he was going to do, I suspected that he wanted to go back home and put on a fresh uniform. I was worried about what would happen when his parents saw him again. I had to trust his word that he¡¯d done this before and that there¡¯d be no real consequences. I could see it in my minds eye. The tears they¡¯d shed, the promises of doing better next time. It¡¯d all be for nothing and it¡¯d be business as usual soon enough. To me it seemed like it¡¯d only make things worse, but I didn¡¯t know anything about his parents or the kind of abuse they put him through. Maybe for just a brief moment there¡¯d be a moment of relief before the malice started up again as it always was. I was out of my depth on the topic, not that I wished to know what it felt like to live in a house like that. Reina walked beside me on the trip to school. Reina set off before me on most days so she could do her council duties in the morning. On this day she didn¡¯t have anything lined up, ¡°How are you feeling about things Miyako? It¡¯s a big anniversary after all.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± I responded absentmindedly. ¡°It¡¯s been three months since you joined us.¡± ¡°That long? Time flies. Felt like yesterday to me.¡± ¡°And how do you feel?¡± ¡°And? I feel fine. Nothing much changed. I still do all the things I used to, I just come back to a different house.¡± ¡°I know you¡¯re being polite Miyako, but for once I¡¯d like you to be honest with me. I can tell that you¡¯re worried about something.¡± ¡°It¡¯s nothing. It¡¯s my problem. It¡¯s got nothing to do with being your sister or whatever.¡± Reina looked upset, ¡°Your problems are my problems, out with it.¡± I sighed, ¡°I¡¯m just a little scared. Of someone finding out or waking up tomorrow morning back in my old house. I still can¡¯t accept that this happened to me. It¡¯s crazy, like something in a manga.¡± ¡°I understand. It is not every day that you transform into a copy of the most beautiful woman in school.¡± I shot her a glance out of the corner of my eye, but her face was as unreadable as ever. These momentary bursts of vanity-based humour always caught me off guard. It was really out of character.You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. ¡°Come on Reina. I¡¯m being serious.¡± ¡°Did you want to become a woman?¡± I stopped. Reina kept walking before realizing that I¡¯d frozen in place. She turned on her heel and stared me down, ¡°I thought it was odd. The only way for that to happen was if you wanted it to. You never confided such a thing with me. Of course, I specifically asked for a sister in the first place.¡± ¡°Why would I confide that with you? I didn¡¯t even¡­ ugh,¡± I slumped over; I didn¡¯t want to talk about this. This was something I didn¡¯t even discuss with my own family ¨C what was left of it anyway. This was my classmate outing me on a walk to school and acting like it was no big deal, ¡°Can we drop this? Seriously.¡± Reina acquiesced, ¡°Very well. I was merely curious.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not much a matter of curiosity is it?¡± I was breaking out into an embarrassed sweat at where the discussion had gone. This was my deepest, darkest secret and Reina had sussed it without my knowing. I stormed ahead of her and tried to put some distance between us, ¡°Miyako? Are you upset?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°You are upset.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m not.¡± Reina was struggling to keep up with me, she tripped over herself as we hopped over a curb, ¡°You are. You definitely are.¡± ¡°So what if I am?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t know.¡± ¡°I never mentioned it because it¡¯s a sore spot. I don¡¯t like talking about it, and it¡¯s in the past now. I¡¯m Miyako, amazing, I got everything I ever wanted and all it took was for my grandmother to die.¡± As we approached an increasingly thick crowd of people, I decided to chill my jets for a moment. I didn¡¯t want everyone to see us arguing. I turned back to Reina and decided to set things straight, ¡°Listen. You and me might know everything about each other as we are now, but you didn¡¯t know me back then, not at all. And God didn¡¯t put that into your head.¡± ¡°He did not.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve done a lot for me. But even I need some secrets of my own. So I¡¯m sorry if I¡¯m not the Miyako you wanted.¡± ¡°That is not it. I never expected you to be anything. I had no expectations of how you¡¯d behave. It¡¯s not my choice to make.¡± Reina¡¯s voice carried a weight of emotion I hadn¡¯t heard since we first travelled to the shrine together, on that night where I was turned into Miyako by God¡¯s machinations. Maybe I was overreacting. Reina was just doing that thing she did. She just had a weird way of showing that she cared. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. It is just that I get the impression that you do not truly accept the circumstances. I thought you¡¯d be happy, but you seem to be trying to keep what you want at an arm¡¯s length.¡± ¡°Frilly dresses and buying period pads.¡± She frowned, ¡°I wish you wouldn¡¯t do that. This isn¡¯t about the aesthetics of being a woman. I don¡¯t know if you feel like you don¡¯t deserve this chance, but your own happiness shouldn¡¯t be conditional on other people¡¯s matching your own. It¡¯s okay to be selfish sometimes.¡± ¡°Try telling that to Shinsuke, and then get back to me on how I should feel about it.¡± If everything could be wrapped up so easily, if the rational part of my brain could win out, I wouldn¡¯t have blown up on her in the first place. Trapped between anger and sorrow ¨C I did the next best thing and continued walking. I could swallow an apology later, but at the time I was just too upset. She called out my name again, but I just kept walking. 25 - A Gent
After school Johnny was waiting for me at the front gate. We didn¡¯t have club activities that day because the building was being used for a test, so they needed it to be nice and quiet. Johnny was the kind of guy that didn¡¯t wait on anyone. He was either not coming or he was the last to show up. ¡°This isn¡¯t a confession is it?¡± Johnny rolled his eyes, ¡°Can you can the sarcasm for one day Miyako? I wanted to tell you about something.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± Johnny pulled out his phone and showed me a video of our concert at the bar, it had quite a number of views. Far more than what I was expecting from some bad quality handheld footage. He scrolled down to the comments without looking and I realized why, some smartass had put two and two together and realized who I was. The brief pick-up artist smashing sensation from weeks ago. Nearly every comment was expressing some kind of condescending surprise that I had any talent at all. ¡°God help me.¡± Johnny put it back into his pocket, ¡°That¡¯s not the important part. Some talent scout got wind of the whole deal and wants to see you.¡± ¡°A talent scout? Like an agent?¡± I knew where this was going. A vulture swooping in on a hot trend that had some national relevance for a few weeks. As much as I thought highly of all the people I played with, they were not up to a professional standard just yet. Taking it a step further, I wasn¡¯t even up to a professional standard. That was my first and only time singing in front of a real audience. Natural talent can¡¯t carry you to success in music, you need to work for it. I didn''t even want to do it as a job. ¡°Yeah! A big name! He wants to be your agent!¡± ¡°Oh come on Johnny. They just want to get in on me while I¡¯m having my fifteen minutes of fame. And anyway, I¡¯m playing with you guys. Getting my neck collared by some guy in a suit isn¡¯t my idea of a fun time.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t think about that,¡± he admitted, ¡°But I don¡¯t think we¡¯d judge you if you went for it. This is a big opportunity.¡± ¡°If he isn¡¯t a complete bullshitter.¡± ¡°I looked him up, he¡¯s legit. He runs an agency.¡± I wasn¡¯t interested. If I were thinking about having a future career as an idol I¡¯d have jumped at the chance. But that wasn¡¯t what I was into. "Sorry, but no thanks." Johnny looked nervous for some reason, ¡°Well, I kinda¡¯ agreed to meet him already.¡± ¡°What? Johnny for god¡¯s sake.¡± He flinched, ¡°Sorry! I just kind of went along with it ¨C I was getting excited¡­ on your behalf.¡± I sighed as we started to walk further into the town, ¡°And let me guess, you can¡¯t cancel on him?¡± ¡°It¡¯d be rude if we didn¡¯t show up now.¡± ¡°Johnny, you have a seriously bad habit of putting me into places I don¡¯t want to be. Up front in the band, now meeting this guy.¡± ¡°I want to help you out!¡± ¡°Sometimes I don¡¯t want to be helped out. Could you at least ask me first before deciding to groom me as a future rock star?¡± ¡°¡­Sorry.¡± ¡°¡­Let¡¯s go put this guy down gently and then hang out ¨C I want to take my mind off today.¡± Johnny scrambled to keep up with me as I powered down the street, ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Nothing. Just had an argument with Reina.¡±Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Huh, so even you two argue sometimes.¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± To be truthful, it was the first argument that I¡¯d been an active participant in, versus some kind of backfilled memory given to me by God. We¡¯d argued a lot of times before. When you spend so much time in close proximity with a family member it¡¯s simply inevitable. Reina always keeps her cool, it was usually my fault. Wanting to play with something, wanting to go somewhere, getting into stupid fights over nothing¡­ We arrived outside of one of the many cafes that lined main street. It was a western style place with tables and chairs outside. It was trendy, and exactly the kind of place that Johnny avoided like the plague. He wouldn¡¯t pick a spot like this if he wasn''t trying to impress this agent, ¡°Alright, I¡¯m about to blow this dude away.¡± I poked at his shabby blazer with a stray finger, ¡°In your uniform.¡± ¡°Hell yeah, Americans love that kind of thing! It''s exotic.¡± ¡°He''s not even American, idiot. Where is he?¡± Johnny scanned the place until he spotted a well-dressed men at a booth near the back, ¡°There he is. Come on.¡± I followed Johnny down to the gallows, the man stood and welcome up with open arms. ¡°Ah! There you are. I take it that this is Miyako?¡± ¡°Uh yeah.¡± ¡°Sit down sit down! Order whatever you like.¡± The man looked like the stereotypical overworked businessmen that I saw shambling home every day, and did I ever see a lot of those. Thick glasses, chubby cheeks permanently flushed from too many meetings with drink, and a frankly awful combover as he tried desperately to fight back his receding hairline. The real bravery is just going bald. I sat down with no small amount of trepidation. Before I could shoot him down on the spot he started to speak again, ¡°I¡¯m Kashiwagi, it¡¯s very nice to meet the both of you.¡± He fumbled around in his jacket pocket and handed me a small white card with the name of his agency. ¡°Kashiwagi-Vladivostok?¡± ¡°My business partner! We started as a small agency focused on foreign actors and talent. He¡¯s a very stern man.¡± The more I learned about this agency the more it sounded like exactly the kind of low-class garbage that I was worried about. Was I going to end up at the circus? ¡°Can we just cut to the chase? Why do you want me exactly?¡± Kashiwagi smiled, ¡°You¡¯re a bit of a media sensation already! You¡¯re exactly the kind of person that we look for ¨C a natural personality with talent to boot. Did you know that girl power is really in vogue right now?¡± My eye twitched slightly, ¡°Oh really? So I''m going to be an... idol? Or something like that.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you think idols are a bit¡­ outdated? There¡¯s always a market for them, but we like to think bigger. A no-nonsense kind of person with a big voice, that¡¯s you. Why do what everyone else is doing when you can strike out and innovate.¡± Because following trends is how you make money. Idols were big business, and they had to maintain a squeaky clean image to keep themselves in the limelight - something I''d already failed at. It was me being a total punk that had gotten me this exposure in the first place. ¡°I¡¯m glad to know that you find my personality so innovative,¡± I snarked. ¡°So what you¡¯re saying is that you think that I¡¯m manly enough to find a new market for you?¡±
He wilted under my gaze, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t put it that way. You¡¯re a role model to a lot of young women.¡± I interlocked my fingers and turned the screws tighter. ¡°I¡¯m sure you think that my sister being harassed was very cool and marketable.¡± I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to come with Johnny, and maybe I was being unfair to the guy. If I were doing his job, I¡¯d probably be doing the same thing. But the argument with Reina had put me in a bad mood and I needed to get myself worked up somehow. The man¡¯s face grew redder somehow as I started to pierce him with barbed questions. Johnny elbowed me, ¡°Hey, chill out Miyako. You look like you¡¯re about to pop a blood vessel.¡± ¡°Uh, I can see that we¡¯ve gotten off on the wrong foot. I think that you¡¯re a very talented group of people. A lot of other agencies would consider your¡­ impulsive response to be a liability, but I think it speaks to a strength of your character. I think you were entirely right to show that man what for.¡± I sighed, ¡°Fine. Whatever. I¡¯d only agree to do it if the rest of the band could come with anyway.¡± He stroked his chin, ¡°Hm. You¡¯re graduating soon? Are you planning on going to a University?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Johnny isn¡¯t.¡± Johnny choked on his drink, ¡°Hey! I never said I wasn¡¯t.¡± ¡°Who said you have a choice?¡± Kashiwagi thought about it for a moment, ¡°If your friends would like to help out, I could give them an opportunity too. Assuming they want to continue playing music.¡± ¡°Like I said, I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t know if I want to get involved either.¡± ¡°Of course, I¡¯m not asking for a commitment. You¡¯re at an age where a lot of doors are opening to you. I wouldn¡¯t want to ask you to dedicate years of your life to pursuing my suggestion. When I was your age, I didn''t know what to do with myself. I spent decades working in an office before starting my own.¡± ¡°Yeah sure, are we done?¡± I looked at Johnny who was taken aback by my intense desire to be away from this man and his marketing speak. I stood from my chair, bowed, and turned to leave. ¡°You have my card! He cried out as I walked away, ¡°The door is always open!¡± Johnny scolded me as we exited the store. ¡°I didn¡¯t even get to finish my drink!¡± Good to see that he had his priorities in order. ¡°Alright Johnny, comment from me.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°Reject any asshole like this in future.¡± Johnny nodded, ¡°Sorry.¡± 26 - A Vice The note slipped between the wooden bars of the shrine¡¯s donation box. I held my hands together tight until my knuckles turned a shade of white and closed my eyes. I wasn¡¯t expecting anything. The God that had held control over me was an arbitrary kind of man. He came and went as he wished. As the wind fell away though, I knew that I¡¯d found his presence once again. I opened my eyes and gazed upon him. His form had altered slightly since the last I saw him. There was something otherworldly about him now. He had a faint glow that outlined his body like an angel, and his voiced spoke with an echo that sounded like two people at once, ¡°Curious. Miyako, do you now see me as more than I was before?¡± ¡°What does that mean?¡± I walked closer to him in a field of endless white. ¡°The last time we met you saw me as a mere man, but over time you have come to realize that I am not simply a man. Therefore your perception of me has changed, you view me as an amalgamation of godly tropes and images.¡± ¡°Is that a problem?¡± He chuckled, ¡°No. I was merely observing. The form of my body matters not to me, it is ever changing. Unlike the human mind ¨C which is dead set in many ways. I will cease taking any of your time, you came here for a reason.¡± ¡°Why can¡¯t you help Shinsuke?¡± His smile faded, displaying a depth of emotion that I previously had thought possible from the godly being. ¡°Your friend Shinsuke? There are many in this town.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± ¡°I cannot read your mind, although I suspect that a smart girl like you has already figured out the real reason.¡± ¡°¡­His parents.¡± ¡°Not just his parents, he himself doubts the solution that you are offering. You remember what I said about free will, do you not?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t change what people don¡¯t want.¡± He nodded and held out his arms, we were stood in the garden at Reina¡¯s house. ¡°But more so, we can¡¯t be the solution for every man¡¯s problems. Some feel that they deserve their suffering, others do not believe in us despite what they may say publicly, or we may simply feel that they don¡¯t deserve a miracle.¡± ¡°So why did I get one?¡± ¡°Because you are lying to yourself. Your stringent denials of finding a new lease on life are not convincing to a God that watches what you¡¯re doing. You say you don¡¯t deserve my mercy, yet you accepted it anyway, you agreed to this contract.¡±Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. ¡°No, I was asking if you think I was deserving.¡± ¡°¡­Not particularly. That is to say, your path down the branches of fate would not end in disaster. However that path would lead to greater misery versus what I offer to you now. Reina''s faith tipped the scales in your favour.¡± ¡°And you know what would have happened?¡± ¡°As I said, to an extent. The further away from now we travel the more varied these futures become. As of now I know what the mortals will do, I know what choices they will make, I know how their systems work. But in the future those things will change, and my predictions will become increasingly unreliable.¡± ¡°So what was the path where Reina didn¡¯t ask you for a favour? What would have happened to me?¡± ¡°You would have been supported for your last year of schooling. Unfortunately, you would not continue your education into University and beyond. You would find a stable job in town and continue to live in the house your Grandmother left behind. You would file away the things that gnawed at you and find a partner, but the cracks would form quickly.¡± ¡°¡­And?¡± ¡°There would come a moment where you could no longer lie to yourself. You would realize that you were unhappy with yourself and endeavour to fix it, you know what that is. As do I. Any further than that is beyond me.¡± It sounded easy enough to be true. I¡¯d started to believe just a little of what he¡¯d told me ever since the start of this ordeal, ¡°And Shinsuke?¡± He held up a single outstretched finger, ¡°Ah, I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not one for giving out fate readings for other people, and beyond that ¨C you don¡¯t want to know do you? You want to make your own decisions without my prompting, do you not?¡± ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°You do. You just need to have the confidence to take the first step.¡± He clapped his hands, and I was back at the shrine. Not even a goodbye. There was still something else I wanted to ask him ¨C but I knew that he would have refused anyway. I kicked the ground with the tip of my boot and grumbled. The air was cool. I shivered as a stiff breeze rolled through, now unbidden by his power. The walk back home was quiet. I unlocked the gate and let myself inside the compound. I took off my shoes and shuffled through the hallway until I reached my father¡¯s door, ¡°Dad, are you in?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I slid it open and slipped into the room, ¡°It¡¯s not a bad time is it?¡± Father had a paint brush in between his teeth, and his hands squeezing out a thick glob of white paint onto his palette. ¡°No,¡± he said with his mouth full. He spat the brush out onto the floor and waved me inside, ¡°Sorry. I shouldn¡¯t talk with my mouth full.¡± I folded my legs and looked at what he was working on. It was a nice landscape picture. He had a reference photo stuck onto the bottom of it ¨C a commission from one of his regulars. ¡°What do you want to ask me?¡± ¡°What do you think the right thing is?¡± He clenched his teeth, deeply carved wrinkles showing themselves on his cheeks and forehead. ¡°You already know what I think. I¡¯d report it to the police right away.¡± ¡°Ugh, but I don¡¯t know if that¡¯ll even help.¡± He shook his head, ¡°Your friend, has he been telling you that he¡¯s scared of speaking out?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Miyako, you need to remember that he¡¯s being pressured into staying silent. At the end of the day he¡¯s a victim. While it¡¯s good that you¡¯re considering your friend¡¯s feelings, getting him out of that situation is the best thing to do.¡± He was right. This wasn¡¯t the time for me to delay. Every moment of my hesitation meant that Shinsuke was in more danger. ¡°I¡¯ll do it. If he¡¯s not going to do it himself.¡± 27 - A Turn
¡°Dressed to the nines Miyako?¡± my new Father asked as I stepped out of my room, he was waiting to ambush me the whole time. He knew how I didn¡¯t like to wear overly girly stuff in front of him. I was back in a dress again, one of the dresses that Reina had picked out during our shopping trip. ¡°I¡¯m not going to show up in my usual. Don¡¯t you dare take any pictures.¡± ¡°You¡¯re safe for now, but your Mother might want some mementos.¡± ¡°Well she¡¯s going to be disappointed.¡±
The town regularly held festivals like this one to try and attract people to main street. They¡¯d become routine after the first few, so after a long sabbatical it¡¯s back for the season. The main shopping street and market building had been dressed up for the occasion. I slipped through the gathered crowds, mostly older people and some families, and came upon the area where we¡¯d be playing in half an hour. There was already a gathering of people in front of the stage. It was a big step up from playing in a cramped bar. I felt some level of nerves looking up at it. This was a proper setup, as proper as a volunteer run event could be. I slipped around the side and out to the back area, where several pieces of equipment were laid out on boxes and chairs. An older man with a kind smile walked over and shook my hand, ¡°Thank you so much for coming down! We were hoping that we could use our regular band, but it seems that they¡¯ve had a big falling out recently.¡± I had an inkling of who he was speaking about. A shame for them, a win for us. There wasn¡¯t much more that Toya could have done to save things though. I learnt that it had completely fallen apart for them, with half the group peeling away to do their own thing. I put on my most pleasant smile, ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. We¡¯ve been practicing hard to make sure we keep everyone entertained.¡± ¡°Where¡¯s the rest of you?¡± ¡°They should be here soon. Hopefully.¡± I took a seat behind the stage and kicked back. A few minutes later Matoi, Johnny, Kei and Shinsuke filed through the narrow gap to the street in a big group. ¡°Did you guys all come together?¡± Matoi shrugged, ¡°We ran into each other. It¡¯s time to get ready.¡± The men of the team grabbed their instruments and gave them a cursory test, strumming out a few chords and making sure the keyboard worked. It was a pretty cheap thing ¨C Matoi didn¡¯t want to bring his own for some reason. The difference in quality between that and the rest of the instruments was noticeable. ¡°Did he get that keyboard from the eighties?¡± Johnny quipped. ¡°Wait a minute,¡± Matoi got up from his seat and rounded it, looking at the serial number on the back, ¡°Yep. I¡¯m pretty sure he did.¡± ¡°Probably locked up in some storeroom somewhere. Longing for those halcyon days.¡± I scoffed, ¡°When did you turn into such a poet Johnny?¡± ¡°Hey, you¡¯re not the only writer in this team.¡± ¡°When was the last time you wrote anything?¡±The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°¡­A month ago.¡± Not as bad as I was expecting. Johnny had given me a hard time for hiding away some of my work because of how personal it was, but he¡¯d never shown me any of his. Kei cleaned up his fringe in the window next to us, ¡°Pretty big crowd out there.¡± ¡°Big by this town¡¯s standards, hey Kei, did you know that Miyako got scouted?¡± ¡°Shit, really?¡± I slapped Johnny on the back, ¡°Shut up man. I thought we agreed to keep that quiet.¡± ¡°Was it one of those big idol companies? I don¡¯t know if someone like Miyako can keep herself clean enough for those prudes.¡± ¡°Sounded like the freak show to me. Johnny falls head over heels for every two-bit agent in Japan.¡± ¡°Aw come on, it¡¯s a big chance you know? An agency is an agency.¡± Matoi snickered, ¡°You have a lot to learn about showbiz Johnny. You¡¯re going to lose a kidney or something.¡± ¡°Or giving away his bank details,¡± Kei joined in. ¡°You forced Miyako to go, didn¡¯t you? She has the smarts to see right through that kind of scam.¡± ¡°It was totally legit! They have a website and everything!¡± ¡°Everyone has a website these days! You can buy one for a few thousand yen.¡± Matoi stepped in, ¡°We can mock Johnny later. It¡¯s nearly time for us to get out there, any changes Miyako?¡± ¡°Nope. I left it the same since the last time. You¡¯re all ready?¡± A chorus of affirmatives reached my ears, ¡°And remember, this isn¡¯t a mosh pit ¨C this is the town festival for all the little old ladies, that means you Johnny!¡± He saluted me mockingly. We hoisted up the instruments and climbed the small wooden steps onto the stage. We pushed through the cheap curtains and came face to face with a crowd of a few dozen people. Not the most ideal spot to put a stage. The plaza was busy, and people were trying to get past. A churn of people coming and going from stall to stall. There was a polite applause that attracted the attention of more spectators. Kei lead us into the first song of the set. We¡¯d decided to go for something more relaxing than usual. Piano and chords and lyrics about living in a small town. We didn¡¯t want to give those little old ladies a heart attack now, did we? The crowd watched with rapt attention as we began to get into the swing of preforming together again. I flinched when I saw phone cameras pointed at me, this would be all over the school the next day¡­ More people came and went over the following two hours. It was a real test of endurance for us, we¡¯d never performed a gig for so long. It was something we¡¯d have to learn to live with though. This was the reality of the lifestyle. After the end of the fifth song I grabbed a towel and dried myself off. The last thing I needed was for everyone to see me drenched in sweat until my clothes became transparent. I turned to Johnny, ¡°Your fingers good?¡± ¡°Buzz off.¡± ¡°We can take a break if you want Johnny.¡± Johnny said nothing and started strumming the beginning of our next song.
We sat on the edge of the stage. The concert had ended, and the crowd has dispersed. A few of the people came over to us and asked a few questions. But they were warded away with explanations of how hard they were to answer. Matoi was in a good mood, ¡°That was a great show, good work everyone.¡± ¡°It¡¯d be even better if you weren¡¯t stuck with that nasty old keyboard.¡± I knew that I couldn¡¯t put on a brave face forever. I¡¯d already resolved to do something about Shinsuke¡¯s situation. These moments of calm, where the entire club was sat on the edge of the stage as the sun set, would they be shattered by Shinsuke¡¯s family? Would he thank me or scorn me for trying to help? I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was deep in thought. Shinsuke was always quiet, but even more so on that day. Did he know that I was planning on telling the authorities? I¡¯d already warned him when he stayed at my house. I had been hoping that he¡¯d take matters into his own hands, but there¡¯d been no indication that he did. One thing was for sure, it might damage our friendship, but I wasn¡¯t going to sit back and let him get killed by his own parents. It didn¡¯t sit right with me. It wouldn¡¯t sit right with any reasonable person. ¡°You ever think about sticking with this? Trying to make work out of it?¡± Kei sighed. I shrugged, ¡°I don¡¯t want to be the frontman.¡± ¡°Frontwoman.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the difference? I don¡¯t like being the centre of attention.¡± Johnny jabbed me, ¡°Could have fooled me! You decked some guy a few weeks ago, you¡¯re the local celebrity now.¡± ¡°Decked? I threatened him a little.¡± ¡°And I can¡¯t imagine anything scarier. You probably scarred the guy for life.¡± ¡°Good.¡± 28 - A Compromise
I told the teachers. It was a hard discussion to have. And I was as honest as I could be about what I knew. Shinsuke had told me in person, and I¡¯d seen the proof in the form of his injuries. The teacher didn¡¯t really know what to do with the information himself but thanked me for coming forward with it. Nothing happened for nearly a week, but then Shinsuke disappeared from school for a day. He was back the next, seemingly no worse for wear. I had feared that my whistleblowing would result in blowback for him. What if his parents got angry about him letting loose the secret they¡¯d tried so hard to hide? It was the calm before the storm, and I knew that in the end I¡¯d be the one on the losing side of this. Shinsuke was waiting for me outside of the club room. I followed him down to the back yard without a word, to where only a few members of the baseball club were practicing in the distance. Shinsuke was struggling to let his words out. ¡°Did anything happen?¡± I asked. He nodded, ¡°They came by the house. Asked to talk to me. So I decided to be honest for once in my life.¡± ¡°And?¡± He shook his head. ¡°What? So they did nothing?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± My stomach dropped to the floor. I stared in silence as Shinsuke explained how for all of my internal conflict over the matter, nothing had been done, even when the evidence was staring them right in the face. Even when Shinsuke begged them for help. The word of his parents was more valuable than the person they were abusing every day. Shinsuke¡¯s face twisted in anger. He grabbed my jacket and pulled me closer, ¡°I told you that I didn¡¯t need your help! I don¡¯t know what those fucking psychopaths are going to do now! I had to stay out of the house and crash with one of my neighbours!¡± I was expecting such a negative reaction, but even when it came it twisted the knife further. My only response was the kind of response that any argument elicits, defence. I whispered to him in harsh tones, ¡°It can¡¯t be much fucking worse than what they were doing to you already asshole! You think that I¡¯m just going to sit back and let them beat the hell out of you? Why was it not worth trying to even fix things?¡± His anger fizzled like a sparkler in water. He knew that I¡¯d done it to try and help. Shinsuke let go of my jacket and took a deep breath, ¡°They didn¡¯t do anything Miyako. They just referred them to a consultation centre.¡± ¡°¡­A what?¡± ¡°A consultation centre. It¡¯s some shitty little building somewhere in town where they give them ¡®advice¡¯ on how to be better parents, like that¡¯s going to fucking work.¡± ¡°Just like that? It¡¯s done?¡± ¡°I¡¯m too old now. They aren¡¯t taking me seriously. They probably think I should be able to look after myself.¡± He shook his head, ¡°I don¡¯t have the money to even move out ¨C those part-time pay checks aren¡¯t cutting it. As soon as I¡¯m done in school, I don¡¯t know what the fuck I¡¯m going to do. No chance I can go to university, my grades are garbage, no thanks to them.¡± ¡°¡­¡± Shinsuke was shaken by my browbeaten expression. He seemed in that moment to reconsider his approach to me, ¡°Sorry Miyako. I shouldn¡¯t be getting mad at you. Thanks for trying. But I think it¡¯s just a lost cause.¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. He turned and walked away. Leaving me shaken and frustrated. Shinsuke was gone and clearly angry at me for outing his parents. But I knew that this story wasn¡¯t over yet. There was a wave of consequence coming for us, and I didn¡¯t know if it¡¯d be positive or negative. I slipped my hands into my jacket pockets and tried to pull myself together. They brushed against a piece of card that I¡¯d forgotten about. I pulled it out and flipped the card around between my fingers. The number a siren¡¯s call. If the authorities weren¡¯t going to do something about it, then I had to. I felt a hand on my shoulder, ¡°Miyako.¡± ¡°¡­Reina.¡± She emerged from behind me and sat me down on the stairs next to us. I watched the baseball club practice their swings and tried to calm myself after such an intense and personal argument. ¡°I was worried that you two would start fighting.¡± ¡°I was worried about that as well, I guess you heard the whole thing.¡± ¡°The house has thin, thin walls sister. I only hope that you do not do anything silly. This is a delicate situation.¡± I showed her the card. She took it from me and read it, ¡°An agency.¡± ¡°Johnny got pulled into a meeting with someone from there. Said they wanted to sign me on as a talent. Shinsuke needs money, so I thought ¨C just for a second ¨C why not help him out?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not your responsibility Miyako.¡± ¡°It might not be my responsibility, but I still want to do it,¡± I countered, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t be sat here if it weren¡¯t for you. I was never your responsibility.¡± ¡°You are correct. But did I lose something from doing something to help you? Aside from a moment of my time, a piece of my faith.¡± ¡°No. But what do I stand to lose from doing this for him? Funnelling him some cash so he can get out of that house.¡± Reina grabbed my shoulders and look me dead in the eyes, ¡°Your future, Miyako. That is what you are gambling with. Do you think that there is a future in becoming an attraction for morning television shows? Singing at bars and clubs? You¡¯re dedicating yourself to something not for your own sake, but for his.¡± ¡°And that¡¯s fine. If it helps him, I¡¯ll do it. You¡¯d do the same for me. No, you already did.¡± ¡°Miyako¡­¡± ¡°I want to believe that there¡¯s a path at the end of this for the both of us. For me and Shinsuke. Where he doesn¡¯t have to live in that abusive house, where I have something for myself. Where I have the confidence to be honest with you about how I feel, and how I felt back then when I was Hideki.¡± ¡°I understand.¡± ¡°Just like you had the power, I have the power. Just like me, he doesn¡¯t know that he wants help from people who care about him. So, I¡¯ll give him some of that power. I¡¯ll let him get out on his own terms. With his own money, his own house, his own future. And it starts with that card.¡± Reina slipped it back to me, ¡°Did you not want to tell me? About¡­ Hideki.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to tell anyone. I tricked myself into thinking that it¡¯d go away eventually. But that¡¯s a long road to being miserable, isn¡¯t it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I should have respected your privacy.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not about privacy. I was angry because I wanted you to keep lying to me. To pretend that you didn¡¯t know. I know that you do but being confronted with it reminds me of how scared I was. I never told anyone in my family. Not even Grandma. She was meant to be the person I could share anything with.¡± ¡°Miyako. If you ever want to talk about anything, I will not judge you. Even I have things I cannot say to mother and father. Sometimes they keep me awake at night when I so desperately want to be asleep.¡± ¡°Maybe this is the problem with being two people in one.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not. People change. Hideki became Miyako. Hideki got what he wanted.¡± ¡°I keep asking myself if I deserve any of this. Being your sister, living in your house. Not even their reassurances can keep me from worrying about it. What about the people who are worse off than me, what about Shinsuke? Don¡¯t they deserve something too? But then I remember what you said. Life is unfair, not everyone gets the help they need. We can only do what we can do.¡± ¡°God can do a lot.¡± I chuckled, ¡°He can. But I can¡¯t rely on him when other people are blocking his work, can I? This is a problem that I can help Shinsuke with. So let me pay back the mercy that you both gave me, let me forward it to someone else in need.¡± I looked down at the card again. Kashiwagi-Vladivostok, an agency for the oddballs and foreigners in a sea of Japanese focused alternatives. ¡°Let me do this.¡± Reina smiled, ¡°You¡¯ve grown a lot in the past few months.¡± ¡°I was taller than you.¡± ¡°Not like that. Would Hideki ever have done something like this?¡± Maybe not. But I wasn¡¯t the same person I was that time when we first met, figuratively or literally. Learning Shinsuke¡¯s plight had only reenforced things. I couldn¡¯t assume that everyone had it easier than me anymore, because they didn¡¯t. Shinsuke was my friend and he was in danger. It was time for me to do something for myself and him. I needed to be brave. I pulled out my phone and dialled the number. 29 - A Face
¡°I¡¯m so happy that you decided to come see us Miyako. I thought I¡¯d given you the wrong impression when we met the first time.¡± Kashiwagi rubbed his hands together in barely concealed glee as I followed him up a tight flight of stairs. He opened a door and allowed me to enter first. The office wasn¡¯t a run-down dump, but it wasn¡¯t blowing me away either. ¡°Things changed. I was hoping that you could do me a favour, help each other out.¡± Kashiwagi held up his hand, ¡°Take a seat.¡± I sat down opposite him and awaited his opening salvo. ¡°Do you know what we do here?¡± ¡°Manage performers?¡± ¡°Yes. But specifically we assist them with reaching out to interested bookers, creating a social media presence, managing their image, and giving them training to enhance their opportunities. That being said, we also ask a few commitments from the people we manage.¡± ¡°What kind of commitments?¡± ¡°Keeping your nose clean, no arrests or anything like that. Projecting a positive image of the agency. Fulfilling booked commitments, with exceptions for emergencies that might impact your performance. Nobody would work with us if our talent kept skipping dates.¡± ¡°I understand.¡± ¡°I know you were concerned about being turned into an ¡®idol¡¯ by us. We aren¡¯t an idol agency; we don¡¯t manage performers like that. We¡¯re not here to look over every aspect of your life and choose what you¡¯re allowed to do. And I also understand that you¡¯re in your last year of school, and there¡¯s a lot of options open to you right now. I don¡¯t expect you to stick with us for years given those circumstances.¡± ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know if I want to do this for myself. I¡¯m doing this for a friend, the point being, the only way I¡¯m doing this is if he gets paid too.¡± ¡°Is that the favour you were hoping for?¡± ¡°He needs the money more than I do, and he¡¯s twenty times more passionate about music than I am.¡± Kashiwagi seemed interesting in the story, ¡°Well, I won¡¯t dig too deep into your reasons. Call it cynical, but I was already considering bringing in your band as a unit anyway. I dropped by your show to see how you¡¯d do.¡± ¡°Really? I didn¡¯t see you.¡± ¡°I was near the back. The point being that you have something unique, and more important for us here, marketable. Not just for your own local celebrity but being a school club that¡¯s going out and making things happen. I know a woman who runs a recording studio, and digital distribution is all the rage these days. We could do it, we could get an album or EP out for you,¡± he reiterated. ¡°What if it doesn¡¯t sell?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. The only investment is your time, we¡¯re not printing CDs to distribute to stores. We can gauge your reach without having to go all the way.¡± ¡°I need to get them to agree first, Johnny will kill me for changing my mind.¡± Kashiwagi smiled with crooked teeth, ¡°No need to worry. We¡¯re speaking in hypotheticals here. If it doesn¡¯t work out, then it¡¯s not much trouble. Hypotheticals seemed to be overtaking my life recently. It was silly and stupid and any person looking from the inside in would call me bipolar for changing my mind on the spot like that. I was a fickle woman. I could do what I wanted. And it was for a good cause anyway. I didn¡¯t need any judgment from other people about it.
Johnny shot me a strange look as I pulled him aside after class, I had to take the hit and tell him what had happened. We were out in the yard where nobody would hear us. ¡°Remember that asshole you made me meet a few days ago?¡±This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. ¡°Yeah, what about him?¡± ¡°I went to the office.¡± Johnny threw up his hands in protest, ¡°What? You gave me so much shit for introducing you to him.¡± ¡°I know, but¡­ things changed. It¡¯s not for me.¡± ¡°What do you mean it¡¯s not for you?¡± ¡°The guy in charge, Kashiwagi, he says that he can help us record an EP with the material I wrote,¡± I pulled the book out of my bag and showed it to him. Johnny took it from me and flicked through the notes. ¡°Recording an album sounds cool, I guess. But why the change of heart? You¡¯re not exactly the kind of person to go back on a decision like that.¡± I looked around to make sure that nobody could hear us. I leaned in close to Johnny, ¡°Alright, this doesn¡¯t leave this conversation, right? Just me and you. This is some heavy stuff.¡± ¡°Right.¡± ¡°You know Shinsuke¡¯s been having problems? At home.¡± Johnny shuffled, ¡°I thought that something was going on, but you know, I don¡¯t like to think about that kind of thing. And I''m not gonna'' bring it up.¡± ¡°His parents beat the shit out of him Johnny, I found him loitering outside of school because he ran away from home.¡± He closed his eyes and nodded, blowing air from his nose, ¡°Right. I get it.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t have a thing. No money, no other family to go live with. I had to put him up for the night. So I got thinking that maybe we could all give him a hand ¨C try to make a bit of cash for him so he has something to fall back on.¡± Johnny considered my words for a minute. ¡°I don¡¯t know how much money we could make selling our own album though.¡± ¡°May as well try though right? We have a chance here, we didn¡¯t realize it then, but this is just what we need. A studio, a website, and some word of mouth, we could make him a bit of cash at least. Give him something to protect himself.¡± Johnny nodded, ¡°Alright. I¡¯m on board. What are you going to tell him?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to tell anybody else really. But I¡¯m going to see what Shinsuke thinks first. This isn¡¯t me doing charity for him, we¡¯re going to do this properly.¡± ¡°Get all the boys on board without letting them know, it might be tough.¡± ¡°Just tell them it¡¯ll be fun. Beats playing in that busted to shit club room.¡± Johnny laughed, ¡°You¡¯re right. Matoi would crawl over broken glass to get a pro setup.¡±
¡°So, the long and short of it is that me and Miyako managed to score us a big opportunity. A local agency wants to give us some studio time to record a single or two.¡± Johnny had been the one to make the pitch, since he was so excited about the idea in the first place. Matoi was sceptical, ¡°I thought you didn¡¯t want anything to do with the guy?¡± ¡°Well ¨C he told me that I could bring you all along to work with me. Since it¡¯d be a club activity, I decided to let you all in on it instead. Beats being an idol or whatever.¡± Kei seemed excited, but Shinsuke hadn¡¯t said a word, ¡°Shinsuke, sound good to you?¡± He brushed away his fringe and nodded, ¡°Whatever. As long as you don¡¯t pick a stupid time.¡± I pulled out my workbook and put it down on the table, I cringed in anticipation of what was to come. ¡°I need you to rip this apart.¡± Matoi put his hand down on the cover and pulled it to his side of the table, ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°I want all of you to savage whatever I wrote down in there over the past month. And don¡¯t be nice to spare my feelings. If we¡¯re going to take the time to go into a pro studio, I want some pro quality material to play in it.¡± ¡°I get it.¡± ¡°And if you have any bright ideas of your own, riffs, lyrics, anything, we need to be able to share them with each other.¡± Johnny decided to cut through my leadership with a single comment, ¡°You still want to sing?¡± ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know.¡± I didn¡¯t. I¡¯d enjoyed my time at the front of the group somehow, even though Johnny had forced me into it. Our entire identity as a band before then was what Johnny brought to the table. He had a punk look and a punk voice, and our music reflected that. We stood out, but that didn¡¯t mean we were popular. I had the voice of a J-pop singer, and a face to match. I could have easily leveraged my looks and god given vocal talent to take the world by storm. There is always something appealing about the path to success, the road that leads to accolades and easy money. But was that what I wanted really? Again, Johnny forced me to the front. I still preferred to play guitar. Pragmatism versus idealism. Pragmatism was the entire reason we were here though; it was the reason Johnny asked me. He knew all of that as well as I did. To a stranger I was a naturally appealing person. Johnny pushed people away with his bleached hair and rough and tumble voice, I drew them in with earthly beauty and a cool attitude. If we wanted to give Shinsuke something to survive with ¨C we needed to decide on who would be at the front. Who would capture the hearts and minds of the people in town and beyond? ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°Johnny. You know what I think, why did you even ask?¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna¡¯ do it? Because I think you¡¯re the key to making this idea worth the time. I know we always tried to avoid being sell-outs but¡­¡± I looked to Shinsuke. I didn¡¯t know if he was looking me dead in the eye, and I hoped that he didn¡¯t know why I was sacrificing my own principles like this. I didn¡¯t want to place any responsibility on him. I didn¡¯t want him to think that he owed me a debt. ¡°Yeah, I know. For this one, I¡¯ll take the head again. Let¡¯s use those fifteen minutes of fame before people forget who I am.¡± 30 – A Studio Kashiwagi has graciously invited us to the studio the following Sunday. It was the perfect time since most of the professional musicians liked to record during the week. The five of us found our way downtown from our homes and assembled outside the building. It was a tall and thin place squished between two larger warehouses, away from anywhere that would require regular silence. Kashiwagi was awaiting our arrival by the door, ¡°It¡¯s so good to finally meet all of you. And thank you for agreeing to come along.¡± ¡°No problem,¡± Johnny smirked, ¡°I told you that Miyako would come through.¡± ¡°What are you, my producer?¡± Kashiwagi laughed and waved us inside, ¡°I¡¯ll show you to the studio. The technician is excited to meet you especially.¡± ¡°Me? Why would she be excited to meet me?¡± I didn¡¯t receive an answer from Kashiwagi. You climbed up the stairs and entered the first door on the left. There was a small lobby area with enough seats for five or six people, and two more doors that presumably led into the business end of the studio. Kashiwagi was quick to excuse the size of the place, ¡°You can fit a lot into a very small space these days. We have a fully professional, industry standard recording studio in here.¡± He opened the first door. Inside was a set of chairs and a huge multi-tiered panel covered with knobs and buttons and sliders. A punkish woman was swinging on her seat, she gave Kashiwagi a thumbs up as he walked inside, ¡°These are the troublemakers huh?¡± she smirked. She had bleached blonde hair with dark roots and pierced ears. She stood and shook my hand, before going around the team and giving them the same treatment. ¡°You¡¯ve got that look in your eyes.¡± ¡°That look?¡± ¡°The look of someone who doesn¡¯t take any crap from anyone, I like it. I¡¯m a big fan ¨C I saw that video of you showing that guy who was boss.¡± I blushed, ¡°Ugh.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be so ashamed of it! You did a good thing for all the women out there. Those playboys will think twice before pulling anything like that again.¡± Kashiwagi interrupted, ¡°This is Mina. She¡¯s the head technician here at the studio. As you can see, she was very excited to work with you.¡± ¡°Damn right. I¡¯m the only one here today, so go easy on me. I¡¯m not a young woman like you,¡± she smirked. Matoi leant against the back wall, ¡°What¡¯s the operating procedure here?¡± Mina pointed through the window into the other room. There were several instruments set up and plugged into various placed in the walls. ¡°We¡¯ve got a bunch of good instruments already set up for you. Usually we give the bands time to hash some things out, but Kashiwagi tells me that you already have some material ready to play.¡± ¡°Miyako¡¯s taking the lead on this one,¡± Kei nodded, ¡°Well, she¡¯s the creative brain behind the songs we have ready.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re happy with them?¡± The rest of the guys nodded. There was a lot of back and forth in the club room over what we should use. I took their words seriously. I was at the head, but this was still a team operation. I didn¡¯t want to force them to make anything they didn¡¯t want to. We pulled apart the lyrics and chords several dozen times and drilled them to a fine point.Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. It was embarrassing to say the least. But a bit of temporary embarrassment was nothing if the end result was us being able to offer Shinsuke something. Me and Johnny were on the same page, but the rest of the band didn¡¯t know why I¡¯d accepted this offer yet. The last problem that faced us, aside from trying to sell the EP to anybody who had the cash, was getting around the school¡¯s rules about clubs not being allowed to make money. There wasn¡¯t one. If my stupid plan were to work, I needed to attach my face to the project so my star power could rub off on it. And if I did that the staff would inevitably find out and bust us. The penalty was the disbandment of the club. But with graduation on the horizon, and final exams around the corner. We had a slim window of opportunity to take advantage of us being together. One last hurrah for the club that had kept me company since I started¡­ It wasn¡¯t an exaggeration to say that the club and the guys in it had shaped a large part of my high school life. I wanted to do something that we could all remember each other by, because I was under no illusions that we¡¯d come apart at the end. The modern world made it hard to keep up with each other. I wanted to do something for Shinsuke. Mina clapped her hands together, ¡°Alright. I¡¯ll be able to give you directions from in here. So just go through and get yourselves set up.¡± The band filed through the doors and into the recording area. This was professional gear, Kashiwagi hadn¡¯t sold us short that was for sure. I stood in front of the microphone like an awkward weed and gathered my courage. Mina¡¯s voice came through the speakers in each corner of the room. ¡°Okay. If you¡¯re happy with your instruments, let¡¯s get started.¡± I collapsed onto my bed. The session had gone smoothly, and we¡¯d gotten most of the way to making the first track in the EP. We had four in mind. Mina had told us that the later songs would go smoother as we got more experience. I heard someone clearing their throat. Reina was stood in the doorway looking sheepish. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Would you like to study with me? I have taken over the dining room.¡± ¡°Sure.¡± I gathered my books. The truth was that I was slacking somewhat with my studies. I was never bad at them, but Reina was the best. She was nearly at the top of the board for every exam. I sat down next to Reina and put my head down. ¡°Are you worried about your exams?¡± she asked me. ¡°Not really. I like to keep my head when they¡¯re coming up. It doesn¡¯t help me to start panicking about them.¡± ¡°That is a good attitude, if you temper it with study. Do not become so relaxed that you feel you can take them on without effort.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been studying! We¡¯ve decided to put club on hold until they¡¯re done. We¡¯ve been meeting on Sunday anyway.¡± ¡°What for?¡± ¡°A farewell project. This is the last year we¡¯ll be together after all.¡± Reina chewed on the end of her pencil, ¡°How do you feel about things?¡± ¡°Things?¡± ¡°Over the past few months, since you¡­¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Do you feel like you need to prove something to me, or yourself?¡± Reina knew she was treading on dangerous territory by asking me this again. My previous reaction when we tried to have this talk was evidence enough. I felt bad about it, but I still wanted Reina to understand my perspective. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of things that I¡¯m not used to yet. But if you¡¯re asking me to quantify why things feel wrong to me, that¡¯s a rabbit hole that I can¡¯t put into words. Not even for you.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t pretend to know how you¡¯re feeling Miyako. But I don¡¯t think it¡¯s incorrect to assert that you were suffering from something and may still be even now.¡± ¡°I miss my Grandmother.¡± Reina tensed up. I spoke under my breath to make sure that nobody but her could hear me, ¡°Okay? I feel like I left her behind. She did all that work raising me, and looking after me, and then it got taken away from her after she died.¡± Reina tapped against the table and looked down, her neatly trimmed bangs framing her face. ¡°She¡¯d have wanted you to be happy though. Wouldn¡¯t she?¡± I nodded, ¡°That¡¯s right. But the point stands. She¡¯s gone. I can¡¯t tell anybody except you how much she meant to me.¡± The conversation had been snuffed out. I didn¡¯t feel a need to prove myself right against Reina. I appreciated her concern for my wellbeing. We whittled away the evening hours trying to cram our brains with everything we needed to know, and I hoped that it¡¯d push some of that worry out with it. 31 – A Host
Kashiwagi was expecting a lot from me. A lot more than I expected when I first agreed to go through with this project. I always knew that there was more to being a musician than just going into a studio and letting an audio engineer do all the work. Those albums wouldn¡¯t sell themselves, at least for a small-town band with no notoriety beyond a viral video of it¡¯s vocalist getting into a street altercation. We had the rough outline of an EP ready to go, and Kashiwagi had sent it out to radio stations around the area to see if we could get any airtime. Not for the music, but for me. I needed to go out and sell it like I¡¯d never sold anything before. With all that said it was still a mystery to me how Kashiwagi managed to get me an interview. When I say that the album was rough, I mean it. Really rough. Pushed into a small broadcast studio next to an overly eager and unfamiliar woman. Not the way I wanted to spend my Sunday off. I shuffled in the rickety office chair and awaited the inevitable barrage of questions that were coming my way. ¡°Good evening everyone, you¡¯re listening to Go! Yonezawa. With me Ako-chan! Tonight we have a special guest, a bit of a local celebrity, and a girl I¡¯m a very big fan of myself ¨C Miyako Nakamura.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± There was no way to get comfortable in the booth, the chair was broken and poking into my butt. I put it to the back of my mind and tried to focus on the interview. ¡°We only have a short time together today, so let¡¯s just get straight into what I¡¯m sure everyone wants to talk about. Of course I¡¯m talking about the video of you defending your sister from men attempting to solicit her. It could be said that you¡¯ve become a bit of an idol for a lot of young women in Japan recently.¡± I rubbed the back of my head, ¡°Ah, is it so admirable?¡± ¡°Yes. You really started a conversation about the way that men attempt to exploit women in clear daylight. But first, tell us a little about yourself.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure how much there is to say¡­ I live with my sister and parents, and I¡¯m in the music club at my school.¡± Ako smiled, ¡°You seem like the kind of person who likes to take charge.¡± ¡°Not recently, I¡¯ve been following some people for a while now. I think it¡¯s more like that I want to be clear with the people around me.¡± ¡°Would you mind telling us a little bit about what happened?¡± ¡°To be honest there wasn¡¯t much more to it than what you saw in the video. We were just minding our own business when they approached us, and one of them became very aggressive towards Reika ¨C and I wasn¡¯t going to let anything happen to her.¡± ¡°Your sister?¡± ¡°Yes. I didn¡¯t really think about it. I stepped in and did what I thought would help. I wasn¡¯t expecting to get into a big fight with him, but I knew that kind of guy doesn¡¯t like it when the victim fights back. So I grabbed him, and he ran away after that.¡± ¡°Hm. We¡¯ve heard a lot of differing opinions of your actions. Some people think that standing up was the right thing to do, while other people think that they¡¯d have left you alone if you walked away. Even some major politicians have commented as such.¡±Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. I tried to stop myself from swearing out of reflex, ¡°It¡¯s easy enough to pass judgement when you¡¯re not in the middle of things. Everyone likes to think that they could handle matters in the best way, the way that isn¡¯t reliant on emotions, but when you think about it there is no right thing to do. The moment they came onto us someone was going to be on the losing end. If you ask me, those kinds of people shouldn¡¯t be allowed out on the streets like that. They just make people uncomfortable by harassing them.¡± ¡°Strong words. Would you consider yourself a feminist?¡± I paused. The head of steam that I had built complaining about street hustlers cut from under me by a very simple question. A lot of words slipped through my mind. But the one that stood out to me most amongst them all was imposter. I suddenly felt aware of myself, the feeling of my clothes against my skin, the slight pinch of the bra that I was wearing. ¡°No. I¡¯m not.¡± ¡°And why is that?¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m not a fighter. I don¡¯t look for battles like that. I¡¯m just a schoolgirl. When somebody tries to mess with my sister, why wouldn¡¯t I do something about it?¡± ¡°I see.¡± Her reaction wasn¡¯t as negative as I was expecting. It was exactly the kind of leading question that I should have been ready for. The entire premise of my celebrity was something that had made me a feminist hero, however briefly. ¡°I think that¡¯s really inspiring.¡± ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°I think it shows real courage to admit that. And I think it¡¯s an important lesson to all of us. We shouldn¡¯t feel irresponsible because we don¡¯t attach a label to ourselves. When we see an injustice, we should do what we can anyway.¡± I had to stop myself from interrupting. She¡¯d taken the most complementary way of interpreting what I said and blasted it out for anyone who was listening. ¡°Now, I hear that you¡¯re working on something special?¡± ¡°Uh, me and my friends from the club are working on an album. It¡¯ll be out soon.¡± ¡°What do the staff at your school think?¡± ¡°Not a lot, probably.¡± ¡°Do you think you could give us a preview of what it¡¯s all about?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ a very personal album. We spent a long time drilling into five songs that we think people will like. It¡¯s a collaborative effort from all of us, a sending off present for the club if you want to think of it like that.¡± ¡°And do any of the songs deal with some of the experiences you¡¯ve had recently.¡± ¡°For sure.¡± ¡°Is there anything else you want to say to the people listening out there?¡± ¡°I hope they don¡¯t think I¡¯m being a complete sell out by talking about this,¡± I chuckled to cover up the fact that I was actually really worried about that being the case. ¡°Somebody said something to me recently that really made me think about it. Sometimes things happen that we can¡¯t control, sometimes people want to give you a helping hand, and you don¡¯t think you deserve it. You do deserve it. You¡¯re not depriving people of their own potential happiness by making sure of your own.¡± The host nodded along with my trite speech; words stolen from people close to me. It was true. I wanted to share that with everyone else too. Reina was correct. Me being happy wasn¡¯t going to take everything away from Shinsuke. He had to find his own answers and accept his own help, and we were going to extend that hand to him in his moment of need. It was up to him whether to accept it or not. ¡°I think that¡¯s a really good thing to say, these days can be hard for all of us. When opportunity comes knocking don¡¯t push it away folks,¡± she said, hyping up the listeners with her high-tension tone of voice. ¡°That was Miyako Nakamura, butt-kicker and student musician. Speaking of hot young acts, I¡¯ve had this next track on repeat for days, and I think you¡¯ll like it too!¡± She pushed a button on her computer. The red light above the door turned off as the mics were no longer live and broadcasting. ¡°How did I do?¡± I asked as Kashiwagi pushed through the door and waved me over. ¡°I think that went well. Positive messages, got the point about the album across. Hopefully, it¡¯ll put people into our circulation and we can get them onto your webpage.¡± ¡°My heart was about to burst in there.¡± He patted me on the back, ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You sounded as confident as ever. Let¡¯s wrap up here and head back to the office.¡± 32 – A Grave ¡°So how did the numbers go?¡± Kashiwagi smiled, ¡°They went well! We got a spike in traffic to the site, more than we expected even, it got spread around outside of the prefecture. I guess people were hungry for the final word from you.¡± ¡°Why the hell would they be interested in me?¡± ¡°You really captured the mood of the nation! Or a lot of it. You started a real conversation about something.¡± ¡°Whatever,¡± I waved him off. It was quiet in the office as usual. I hadn¡¯t even caught a glimpse of his so-called partner-in-crime since I started coming down to work on the album. The other guys hadn¡¯t expressed any interest in doing the press tour, and they were probably right to conclude that nobody would really care if it was them and not me. Little miss feminist warrior. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to uh¡­ put on an act for me, if you know what I mean.¡± ¡°Yeah, I know.¡± I pulled on one of my jacket sleeves with a sigh, the edges were starting to come undone through heavy wear and use. ¡°I know it¡¯s very cynical, but that¡¯s just how things are. When you¡¯re trying to get people to pay attention to you, you¡¯re selling yourself and your personality and some things that are very personal.¡± ¡°You¡¯re willing to admit that much.¡± ¡°Definitely. The people who don¡¯t usually do a bad job out here. I¡¯m not pretending we¡¯re pushing big names onto the board, we¡¯re mostly a local agency, but your first job is to keep your workers happy.¡± ¡°I feel like shit.¡± Kashiwagi swivelled around on his chair, ¡°Huh? What¡¯s with the harsh language all of a sudden?¡± I scratched the back of my head, ¡°I¡¯m no feminist, and now I¡¯m taking advantage of it to try and sell a damn album.¡± He frowned at me, ¡°So all that talk about taking a chance when you get it was just talk? I don¡¯t think that¡¯s the case Nakamura. And anyway if you feel so bad about it, that means that you really do care. So why not call yourself a feminist? They¡¯re not asking for membership fees.¡± I grunted. ¡°Whatever. It¡¯s complicated.¡± We left it at that.
Reina shadowed me as we walked through the black and grey stones of the town¡¯s largest graveyard. The graveyard was an interesting place. It was situated on the side of a steep hill, meaning that many of the people buried here made up the ground that you walked on ¨C at least on the upper tiers anyway. An undulating sea of human sized towers.If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. I¡¯d come down for a fairly simple reason. To try and find the grave of my recently departed grandmother. The quest had started a few weeks ago when I dropped by my old house, and much to my surprise our name was still next to the front gate. Grandma was gone through; I knew that much. So the house had been put up for sale. We probably had extended family somewhere he could take on the money from the purchase. But I didn¡¯t know them if that was the case, and I couldn¡¯t just stalk the house to see if anyone turned up. The real question was as to the location of her grave. I knew that she wanted to be buried next to my grandfather, but unfortunately the state of the site meant that people often didn¡¯t get the chance to choose. You got what you were given ¨C even if it meant being split from family. This graveyard was designed to handle a smaller town, but the place had grown explosively over the past few decades. We kept out heads down as we walked to my grandfather¡¯s grave first. The graveyard hired people to make sure that the place was always looked after, which was a blessing for me. I rarely had the time to come pay my respects. An hour spent cleaning up the black marble stone that marked his final resting place was an hour not spent studying for my important exams. He¡¯d have yelled at me for wasting time on him instead of ¡°making something¡± of myself. I don¡¯t think he meant becoming part of a different family though. ¡°So they weren¡¯t buried together?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know if they buried her at all. Knowing my luck she¡¯s probably held up in a morgue somewhere. I¡¯ve been looking on my own for a while, but no dice. Why did you want to come with me?¡± Reina walked up to my grandfather¡¯s grave, ¡°How do you read his name?¡± ¡°Hyoubu.¡± Reina nodded and closed her eyes. She took a moment to offer a prayer in respect and knowing that Reina had the ear of a real god put things into a new perspective for me. Maybe someone was listening, somewhere. ¡°You don¡¯t need to do that for my sake.¡± Reina ended her prayer and stepped back, ¡°Aren¡¯t we all family now? In a strange way.¡± ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°I was thanking him for my amazing sister¡­¡± ¡°You basically stole me, you realize that right?¡± Reina shrugged, ¡°There¡¯s more to a person than a name and a face.¡± ¡°Yeah well, I don¡¯t think he¡¯d feel the same way.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but find the situation somewhat amusing, if I removed myself from it. If I could externalize all my problems into a TV show or a novel, I¡¯m sure I¡¯d find them enrapturing. Unfortunately I was living those problems at that moment. And my moment of mirth was replaced with one of worry, that consistent anxiety that had settled into my chest ever since I woke up as Miyako. That I didn¡¯t deserve it, that I was taking something from someone else. Reina was right on the money; I couldn¡¯t be selfish. Not after I¡¯d already received something that from an outside perspective was an amazing gift, a miracle even. If you¡¯d asked me if I wanted it before I would have jumped at the chance, but now I wasn¡¯t so sure anymore. The fear that someone would turn around and point out that Miyako didn¡¯t exist until a couple of months ago had subsided, I had new, contemporary problems to get worked up about now. ¡°I¡¯m the only thing left, the only thing that ever said that Grandma and Grandad lived. Because tombstones don¡¯t talk, and people don¡¯t think about the people underneath them.¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s strangely insightful.¡± ¡°Are you trying to imply that I¡¯m not capable of higher thought?¡± Reina hesitated. ¡°Yes.¡± We spent another hour searching, but we had no further success before I decided to call it for the day. On the way back we chatted about normal things, schoolwork, exams, even though moments ago we were searching for the grave of a woman who was no longer related to me. I was upset. I really wanted to know where she was buried. 33 – A Confrontation The launch of the album was coming up soon. It wasn¡¯t much, and the price was low because of it¡¯s short length. As we got closer and closer to the date, the more I felt that we wouldn¡¯t earn enough to give to Shinsuke. A down payment for an apartment was still expensive, and I had a strange feeling that our music was nothing more than a passing local novelty. Still ¨C a few thousand yen from a few hundred people in town wasn¡¯t bad. It just wasn¡¯t enough. As class wrapped up for the day, Shinsuke hovered by the door as I left the room. ¡°Can we talk?¡± ¡°Sure.¡± He led me through the school and back down to the grounds at the rear of the building. We stood under one of the large trees that lined the embankment. The baseball club had their after-school practice. ¡°You told them, didn¡¯t you?¡± It was a tough question. My heart rate increased and the hairs on my skin stood on end. This was the kind of confrontation that I wasn¡¯t looking forward to. The moment when he realized what was going on, why everyone was acting so different around him now. The other guys couldn¡¯t help it, whether they realized it or not they¡¯d started treating him differently, speaking differently around him. That was the kind of thing he¡¯d notice. Shinsuke had become acutely aware of how people treated him. He had to walk on eggshells in his own home, always analysing his own family and trying to appease them. It could be called paranoia. ¡°Maybe I did, a little.¡± His eyes hardened, ¡°Miyako¡­¡± ¡°Listen, Johnny had you sussed out from the start Shinsuke. Not everyone here is as stupid as me.¡± Shinsuke leant back against the tree trunk and brushed the hair from his eyes, ¡°I didn¡¯t want them to know.¡± I decided to come out with it, ¡°If you think that¡¯s bad, wait until you hear about the contract we signed.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°All the money is going to you.¡± Shinsuke nearly jumped up into the branches, ¡°What?!¡± ¡°You told me yourself. You¡¯re plum out of luck, aren¡¯t you? Bad grades, shitty parents. So we decided to pool the money from the album together for you. So then at least you could move out and get a place of your own.¡± ¡°I never said you needed to help me.¡± ¡°Do I need your permission? We¡¯re doing this because we¡¯re your friends Shinsuke. I could donate all that cash to a shelter for rescued animals if I wanted, but I¡¯m not. Why not make something good out of that damn video by helping my friend?¡± He was having trouble accepting it, ¡°You don¡¯t owe me anything.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want anything from you Shinsuke. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯ll be much ¨C but we¡¯re only sacrificing our time to help you out. So don¡¯t feel so down about it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that easy.¡± ¡°I know it¡¯s not. So you¡¯ll just have to deal with it until we¡¯re done.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not a fucking charity case Miyako!¡± he shouted. I cast a paranoid glance to the field but none of them were focusing on us arguing. ¡°Why can¡¯t I handle it myself? It¡¯s my family, it¡¯s my problem!¡± ¡°I made it my problem!¡± I responded, ¡°Do you think that I don¡¯t know how this feels Shinsuke? People poking their nose into my business all the time, being concerned? It sucks. It¡¯s awful. It makes you feel worse than garbage. But you know what? On the other side of it, you realize that they were all right. There¡¯s no reason to be miserable when people are offering to help you.¡± Shinsuke shook his head, ¡°No. No.¡± ¡°I wanted to scream at Reina every time she got in my face about this.¡± ¡°About what?¡± ¡°About everything! You don¡¯t even remember what the problem was anymore, so it doesn¡¯t matter. I hated everything about myself, so having Reina poke holes in me made me want to punch her sometimes.¡± Shinsuke clenched his fist and for a moment I was afraid that he was going to do the same to me. His body tensed up, before relaxing again. He covered his face with a forearm. He was crying, I could tell. I didn¡¯t mention it to him. I didn¡¯t want to hurt his ego by being a prick about it. ¡°Shinsuke. We all agreed to do it. If it doesn¡¯t sell that well, we¡¯ll just find another way to give you a hand. You know what my parents are like ¨C if you ever need a bed for the night, just give me a call.¡±Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. Shinsuke said nothing. Perhaps he was ripped between cussing me out for being stubborn or thanking us for sticking our necks out for him. I knew what that felt like. But at the end of the day his opinion didn¡¯t matter to me, as callous as it sounded. I knew that if given the chance he¡¯d reject our assistance on reflex. ¡°Fine.¡± Shinsuke turned off the waterworks and took a deep breath. ¡°Just do what you want.¡± It wasn¡¯t the reaction I was looking for. I¡¯d been worried about his health ever since I found out. I said a moment before that I didn¡¯t care about how he felt, but I was cognizant of the threat that Shinsuke could pose to himself. ¡°I can call if it off if you want.¡± So I decided to be a dick. I dangled control in front of him ¨C the one thing that he¡¯d been so deprived of for years by that point. I offered him power over me to force him to make a choice. ¡°We could always just pretend that this never happened. Go back to fucking around in the clubroom.¡± ¡°Why are you doing this?¡± Shinsuke asked, cutting off my plan at the head. I squared up, ¡°Because you remind me of myself, and I can¡¯t stand it.¡± ¡°But your family loves you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not about family Shinsuke. It¡¯s about swallowing your pride and telling yourself that you deserve better than what you have now. You don¡¯t want to keep living this way. We¡¯re offering a way out, if it works anyway. We don¡¯t want you to pay us back, we don¡¯t expect you to pay us back. You don¡¯t need to deserve our help. We¡¯re going to give you it anyway.¡± ¡°Reina told you that?¡± ¡°She can take charge when she wants to. And no, that was something I learned myself. She just pushed me in the right direction.¡± I shared a weary smile with him, he returned it.
The day after I convinced Reina to take me down to the shrine again. For some reason I felt like things had changed in one way or another. We stood before that dilapidated building. One moment we could feel the wind between our fingers, the next¡­ We stood on the shores of an infinite ocean. Reflective water that spread to the horizon. There was no sand, no land. We stood on the surface of it. The god stood in front of me, arms held wide as if to embrace me. And for once, Reina was there with me. She gasped, looking around the endless space with eyes of wonder. ¡°What do you think?¡± ¡°It¡¯s¡­ strange.¡± The God smiled and allowed Reina to have her moment, but I was here for business, and I knew that he could fix the problem that I had come to him with. The first thing I had for him was a question. ¡°Is this the last time we¡¯ll speak with each other?¡± ¡°If that is your desire, then it will be so. However ¨C I will always know the truth of your heart. If your wish is not genuine then I will decide for myself. Regardless, you came here to ask me for something, didn¡¯t you?¡± I looked down at the water covered ground. Now that I was here, now that I had to say it to someone else, it was terribly embarrassing. Pouring out my heart into this great sea. ¡°I want you to give their memories back.¡± Reina looked at me from my right, her eyes widening in surprise. The god took a step towards me, ¡°Of course.¡± I looked back up, shocked that he¡¯d agree after so many previous denials, when thing felt like they weren¡¯t nearly over. ¡°Do not look at me with such a face! I told you from the beginning that my co-operation had strings attached, did I not? The game is over, you have won.¡± It didn¡¯t feel like it to me. ¡°¡­Just so we¡¯re clear, what did I do?¡± ¡°It¡¯s simple. You asked for the right reason.¡± I scoffed, ¡°Really?¡± He smirked and pointed to my chest, ¡°Up until now, what you wanted was a selfish wish. You wanted more than anything to be rejected from Reika¡¯s family, and you believed that the best way to do it was to return their memories, even knowing that you would not be there without their consent. They would never reject you. It would go against the truth in their hearts and in their minds. ¡°You were a person incapable of accepting kindness. Even when it was offered freely. You believed that your misery would mean that others would find happiness themselves. Yet the world is an unfair place, there is little rhyme or reason as to why mortals suffer ¨C and there is no limited allocation of help for them to receive. The task I set you was one of self-realization, to accept Reika¡¯s wish as it was.¡± ¡°And Shinsuke?¡± ¡°Many people around you experience similar dilemmas in their lives. You would realize it on your own eventually. Because of him you have come to me with an earnest and selfless request. Yet there is still more for you to do. Although it is not my choice to make now. You should go forth with your head held high and impart that same lesson unto him.¡± ¡°Can you do it?¡± The god picked his wild hair from his eyes, ¡°I can do anything, silly girl. Reika¡¯s family gave up their memories for your sake ¨C but out of kindness you will return them.¡± ¡°Just like that?¡± ¡°Just like that,¡± he shrugged. ¡°You have won the game. A happy ending has been reached. A marvel of effective plea granting, don¡¯t you think?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not so sure about that.¡± Reika finally spoke, ¡°Are you¡­ God?¡± I noticed that Reina did not meet his eyes with her own. She tilted her head up and backwards to face the white sky in reverence. He smiled, ¡°Yes. You are my most devout follower. I would like to thank you for your years of patronage.¡± ¡°No. I should be the one thanking you! You¡¯ve done so much for us,¡± she bowed, every polite in godly company. ¡°Now, now, I always have an ear to the ground for you Reina. Your faith is unwavering even in the face of my foolish games.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know if I should thank you,¡± I added, ¡°It seems like you just put me through a lot of trouble for no good reason.¡± He clapped his hands, ¡°I know the truth. Your feelings are like an open book to me. The lesson is over ¨C but your tale is not. I hope that both of you continue to spread that kindness to others in the future.¡± ¡°Shinsuke¡­¡± ¡°His tree spreads a great many branches, and you two will have a profound impact on his life no matter what comes in the next few weeks. Tread carefully, but with confidence all the same. You have your own victories, but will he have his?¡± ¡°Is there anything else you want to say Reina?¡± I asked. She shook her head, ¡°Just knowing that you¡¯re here¡­ it¡¯s incredible! I believed; I really did ¨C but to see you with my own eyes¡­¡± He laughed, ¡°Most curious. Your sister there sees me only as a mere mortal with a beard and a flair for the dramatic.¡± ¡°Why? What is Reina seeing right now?¡± ¡°A sky of yellow rays. A blooming light that represents my will and word.¡± ¡°¡­I prefer this old man look.¡± Have you ever made God roll his eyes at you? Because I have. 34 – A Merger
¡°Ugh. This is so hard to do.¡± Reina and I stood outside of the door to the house. Not my house, their house. The one that I¡¯d been living in for months without their knowledge. What would they think? To find out that the daughter who you¡¯ve had for your whole life isn¡¯t really your daughter at all ¨C they¡¯re just some random person from your town, who was touched by the finger of God. ¡°It¡¯s too late for regrets now,¡± Reina said, ¡°You resolved to let them know. I think it¡¯s a wonderful idea.¡± Half of the idea was to at least let them know that they were doing a good deed by taking me in. But standing outside of the door had given me an entirely different feeling. The fear of rejection. I¡¯d spent so long thinking about how to push everyone away from me that it was entirely alien to me at that point. It paralyzed me where I stood. Which is to say, things only really started when the doors were pulled open by a concerned looking Gorou Nakamura. ¡°Ah. Girls.¡± He was always so earnest. There was a kindness in his eyes that at that moment I didn¡¯t feel like I really deserved. I averted my gaze down to the floor. He understood. He remembered why things had changed so radically now. He was a man of two minds. The one from before who had two daughters, and now the man who had three. Becoming aware of something that before was accepted as fact, as reality, accepting that it was something done by someone else through powers that can¡¯t be explained rationally must have been the hardest thing in the world. ¡°Come inside, you¡¯re going to catch a cold out there.¡± We followed him into the dining room. The leading lady of the house, the women I¡¯d been calling mother for months on end, sat on one side. Dad took the seat next to her. The entire family had been assembled for a meeting on the ethics of brainwashing. I sat down and tried to avert my eyes once again. I felt like a naught child about to be scolded. He tried to break the ice with a joke, ¡°Well, this was certainly an interesting turn of events.¡± ¡°Interesting isn¡¯t the word I¡¯d use.¡± He was taken aback by my reaction, and the statement that followed betrayed his own uncertainty, ¡°I¡­ don¡¯t quite know what to say.¡± Natsume shook her head, ¡°Neither do I.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t expect you to. This isn¡¯t exactly the kind of thing that happens every day, is it?¡± He needed me to explain, ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°That shrine that Reina prays to all the time ¨C turns out that there was a little something living in there. So, Reina asked him very nicely for something and we all got tangled up in it. Maybe it was a co-incidence, but he seemed really proud of himself when we talked to him.¡±Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Reina continued, ¡°Me and Miyako were the only ones who knew until now. God filled in the blanks in our memories so that she could live with us.¡± ¡°So who are you, really?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­ me. But if you¡¯re asking who I was before Reina got involved, I was just one of her classmates.¡± Reina hummed to herself, ¡°We can¡¯t ignore who you used to be now Miyako. What a strange situation we find ourselves in. Aware of the truth, but still filled with memories that feel so real.¡± ¡°They are real, as real as any other memory is,¡± Dad responded, ¡°So you¡¯ve been living with us for a while now, or for years depending on how we feel.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t know if any of those memories happened - but if the only thing that matters is our acknowledgement of them, does it matter? We can¡¯t stop ourselves from feeling this way.¡± I crossed my arms as Reina and Dad went back and forth. It flew over my head completely. ¡°So am I getting booted out? I don¡¯t know if I inherited my Grandma¡¯s house.¡± ¡°If he reset everything, shouldn¡¯t you have?¡± I was concerned. The inconsistencies with the two stories that God had weaved for us were in conflict with each other. ¡°But did he? We don¡¯t know if it only affected us four, or if everyone at school and the wider city knows too. For all they know, Hideki went missing a few months ago and never turned up again. They might think he¡¯s dead and sold the house on to someone else.¡± I realized that I was talking about my old self in the third person, but that was what he felt like. Hideki was me from a few months ago, and so much had happened since then that I¡¯d separated those two parts of myself into different people. I knew he was still me though ¨C and it would be foolish to discard every memory and meaning that I gained from that time. I wanted to remember my grandmother for all that she did for me. I looked to my new parents, the ones who Reina introduced to me through divine intervention. ¡°I could have easily just gone on about my business without ever telling you, but I don¡¯t think that¡¯s fair. You have a right to know. Deceiving you never sat right with me, even when I knew that the truth was unbelievable enough to keep to myself. ¡°So I asked him to give your memories back, the ones from the time when I wasn¡¯t here. I didn¡¯t want you to lose them. They have their own meaning; they¡¯re part of who you are, even though they don¡¯t line up with the world we¡¯re in now.¡± Dad scratched his head, ¡°It is quite confusing.¡± Mom nodded, ¡°But nothing is going to change between us.¡± ¡°I¡¯m practically a stranger.¡± ¡°The old you is a stranger, but we¡¯ve known you our whole lives. You¡¯re our daughter, just as much as you are someone else¡¯s.¡± It was hard to keep myself from smiling. Really hard. I stood from my seat and bowed my head, ¡°Thank you for having me!¡± They both tried to stop me, ¡°You don¡¯t need to¡­¡± But I cut them off again, ¡°Yes, I do. Whether you realize it or not, you took me in when I needed it the most ¨C and you didn¡¯t even know me. You took in a total stranger, accepted them as part of your family. I might have ended up on the streets without you. Thank you. I mean it.¡± My eyes were closed. I could hear the both of them getting up and approaching me. I was surprised when I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder. I was dragged into a half-hug by Gorou and Natsume, ¡°You¡¯ll always have a place here. We can¡¯t be upset at you. Real or fake, you still mean the world to us.¡± That did it. My eyes began to tear up. An ugly sob escaped my chest. It was over, there was no way I was preserving my aloof attitude with a statement like that. I felt the same way. Those feelings were as good as real. There were real. I stood there and cried for a while, a pair of reassuring hands on my shoulders. When the waterworks dried up I covered my face, ¡°That¡¯s embarrassing as hell.¡± ¡°Reina¡¯s cried over less,¡± Gorou laughed. 35 – A Nticipation Johnny smirked, ¡°I¡¯m glad I only have a crush on your sister.¡± What an opening gambit. A mastery over words that would make the most talented wordsmiths cower in despair. I had to stop myself from slapping him silly. ¡°Ugh.¡± He shrugged, ¡°What? You would have gotten mad at me if I said¡­ you know.¡± ¡°And you never thought about saying nothing at all?¡± ¡°No.¡± I slapped him on the back, ¡°Exactly. That¡¯s your problem. You never know when to say nothing.¡± ¡°That shit¡¯s crazy. Getting turned into a girl and everything. The other day it all just came back to me suddenly.¡± ¡°I know. Hopefully everyone else remembers too.¡± ¡°Why? Wouldn¡¯t you want to keep it a secret?¡± ¡°Not when it starts impacting other people Johnny. You all forgot stuff because of me, and it might have been important.¡± ¡°Trust me, I didn¡¯t lose anything important.¡± ¡°Can you say the same for Shinsuke, Kei, Saaya or Matoi?¡± ¡°I guess I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Yeah. So it¡¯s only right that I get them back for them.¡± None of the other classmates at school had started anything with me, and I strongly suspected that their own memories were not returned. They didn¡¯t think of me normally ¨C and I rarely interacted with them, so for the sake of appearances those people still thought of me as Reina¡¯s sister. I don¡¯t think divine power was needed to make that happen. The average school senior had the memory of a goldfish. It did make things easier, even if it went against the whole point of me making the request in the first place. I wasn¡¯t too bothered to go and find God again and ask him to undo his spell on everyone around me. The people who had memories and experiences with me, ones that mattered, they¡¯d be able to differentiate between the two lives I¡¯d lived. Johnny had cackled like a hyena when I walked into the clubroom that day. ¡°The album release is coming up, you nervous?¡± ¡°Yeah, of course I am. I¡¯m the one singing on it!¡± ¡°Is it as embarrassing as sharing your notebook with us though?¡± ¡°God no.¡± ¡°Well, there you go. It¡¯s nothing to worry about.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not worried about me. It¡¯s just that if it doesn¡¯t sell that well, Shinsuke¡¯s going to be in trouble again.¡± ¡°If it blows up, it blows up, don¡¯t start carrying all of that responsibility on yourself. You¡¯ll drive yourself crazy thinking about it.¡± ¡°Hard not to keep thinking about it when Shinsuke¡¯s ass is the one on the line.¡± There was a knock on the door. Kei entered the room with a head of steam and took his usual seat with a huff, ¡°I must be going crazy or something.¡±Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°For some reason I started thinking that you used to be a guy.¡± ¡°Same,¡± Johnny chuckled, ¡°Hey. I think we¡¯re experiencing a collective delusion.¡± ¡°Or as I like to call it, observable reality.¡± ¡°What the hell are you two talking about?¡± he asked. ¡°It was super vivid, like a memory coming back to me. And now I¡¯ve gotten myself tangled up over whether it¡¯s true or not. How would that even happen?¡± ¡°Magic.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just messing with you man, that shit is real. Unless you think it¡¯s a coincidence that we all remember the same thing.¡± ¡°What the fuck man. Are you joking?¡± ¡°Listen Kei, if I told you how all this shit happened, you wouldn¡¯t believe me for a second. So can we just leave it at that ¨C some shit happened, I got turned into a girl, whatever.¡± ¡°Seems like more than just whatever to me, this is like, world changing info you¡¯ve got in your head right now. The vindication of an entire religious movement.¡± ¡°Yeah, which is why I¡¯m going to keep it between us. Imagine how much trouble we¡¯d cause coming out with this, even if people believed us.¡± Johnny leaned into the table, ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s how these things stay under wrap right? When one of those guys goes on TV and says that he was abducted by aliens, do you believe them?¡± Kei was fast on the trigger, ¡°No, they¡¯re lying.¡± ¡°Oh come on!¡± I piled on as well, ¡°Just because God is real doesn¡¯t mean that aliens are real.¡± ¡°When the invasion comes down, you¡¯re gonna¡¯ be crazy upset that you doubted me. Mark my words.¡± Kei shook his head, ¡°I¡¯d bet money on that never happening. Not in a million years.¡± ¡°Is Shinsuke coming down?¡± I asked. ¡°Yeah, in a sec. He needed to talk with the teacher.¡± Speak of the devil. Shinsuke came through the door at his usual laid-back pace and sat down at the table with the rest of us. He took a moment to take off his bag and get his bearings. ¡°I have a headache.¡± ¡°Tell me about it,¡± Kei echoed, ¡°But coming in here when Johnny¡¯s in his conspiracy theorist mode isn¡¯t going to help any.¡± ¡°I remembered a bunch of things; I don¡¯t know what any of it means though.¡± Johnny gave him the cliff notes, ¡°It means that Miyako wasn¡¯t a girl a few months ago, or even related to Reina at all. It¡¯s all crazy stuff.¡± ¡°So did they all happen?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I explained, ¡°I¡¯m going to go check out my old house after school and look for some other¡­ personal effects to see if they¡¯re around. Hopefully they are.¡± ¡°And if they aren¡¯t?¡± ¡°What do you mean if they aren¡¯t? Not much to do about it, as upsetting as it may be.¡± Shinsuke seemed a little ruffled by my answer. But it was true ¨C was there anything I could do short of just paying tribute in my own little way? I didn¡¯t think that God was so disrespectful of the dead that he¡¯d snap my Grandmother¡¯s body and soul out of existence. ¡°Anyway, lets get back to band stuff, shall we? This isn¡¯t the supernatural research club.¡± Johnny kicked his legs under the table, ¡°I heard they got disbanded last week. The council got on their case for not doing anything. Shame they didn¡¯t stick around for a little longer, could have told them about all this shit.¡± ¡°The album¡¯s coming out next week, so Kashiwagi is going to be driving me like a mule until it comes out. That being said he wants all of us to make an appearance on the last stop of this media tour.¡± I knew that Shinsuke wouldn¡¯t like the idea of being asked questions, but we had to do it at least once. ¡°Wait, so all five of us?¡± ¡°Yeah, Matoi included. It¡¯s a regional morning show. They love this kind of variety act. It gets pretty good ratings. A school band releasing their own album is right up their alley, they bought it hook line and sinker.¡± ¡°And the leading lady beat a guy¡¯s ass¡­¡± ¡°Obviously that has something to do with it. Kashiwagi can¡¯t go two minutes without using that to get his teeth into people. You can have the girl who set the country on fire, but you have to promote our little album at the same time. They usually take the deal.¡± ¡°Ruthless.¡± ¡°You have to be. Kashiwagi isn¡¯t very successful but he knows that much. It¡¯s about making use of what you¡¯ve got, and a little bit of luck on top of that. We need to know if you¡¯re all down to come along with us. It¡¯ll be early Sunday morning, so don¡¯t stay up too late if you want to come.¡± Kei and Johnny agreed on the spot, but Matoi already had plans for the day so he¡¯d have to miss out. Shinsuke was the real enigma, not only was he the shyest member of the club, but he also had to worry about his asshole parents grounding him for some reason or telling him to stay home. ¡°I want to do it,¡± he said, ¡°I¡¯ll try to get permission.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I asked. ¡°Yeah. If this is the last act of the club I have to be there for it, at least once.¡± ¡°Good man,¡± johnny smirked. ¡°You¡¯ll knock ¡®em dead, I¡¯m sure.¡± ¡°First order of business, Johnny, I know you don¡¯t have a best, but please wear your nicest clothes.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± 36 – A Crowd
The moment we stepped into the green room Johnny couldn¡¯t help but get excited. He made sure to take in as much of it as possible, and to jam as much of the complimentary food into his mouth as possible. Kei and Shinsuke were on edge. I¡¯d left out that we¡¯d have a window to play one verse of our lead single from the album until the day after, and they were not happy to find that out. Crunch time arrived. So we all got together and practiced in the studio thanks to Kashiwagi¡¯s help. We ran it through for hours until we were one-hundred percent happy with the way it sounded. That Sunday morning we piled into the shitty company van and were bussed down to the studio an hour away from our hometown. It was a tight fit in the back, and Kashiwagi was listening to an album that had a birthdate earlier than mine. When we arrived, we were ushered into through the front door and up some stairs to the waiting room. Not the best time to be nervous. The wait was just making things worse. Johnny spoke with his mouth full of buffet, ¡°On national TV for our first real gig, that¡¯s some serious clout.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not really national, the audience will be big, but not that big.¡± ¡°Whatever.¡± I looked over to Kei, who was seemingly on the verge of a full-blown breakdown for some reason. I always thought he was the one with the coolest head out of all of us. Shinsuke was as nervous as he usually was before we went out to play to a crowd of people. ¡°It¡¯s normal to get nervous. There¡¯ll be a live audience of a few dozen people so just focus on them and we should sail through it no problem, right?¡± Easier said than done Miyako. ¡°I guess you¡¯re right,¡± Kei sighed, ¡°Don¡¯t look straight into the camera and it may as well not be there.¡± ¡°As soon as we start playing, you¡¯ll forget all about it,¡± Shinsuke assured him. ¡°I hope.¡± ¡°This is the clubs last hurrah, so let¡¯s do it right.¡±
The applause was deafening. The lights were blinding. We were escorted out onto the set of a morning TV show for our prefecture. The set was a colourful vomit mishmash of shapes and icons that I didn¡¯t recognize. There was a small set of bleachers to the left of a desk where a panel of four people were sat. I¡¯m not, nor was I ever a morning TV person. I¡¯d only learnt their names during the crash course that Kashiwagi gave us in the minutes before. I took the right most seat, with Johnny, Shinsuke and Kei lining up next to me. The applause died down. The panel took a moment to banter with each other before turning to us. The host, Yuuta, singled me out first. He was an older man with thinning hair and a kind face. His trademark was the way he shrivelled up when laughing at something. ¡°A little young to be getting into showbiz, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°What¡¯s your excuse? You don¡¯t look a day over thirteen.¡± My joke landed and earned a chuckle from the audience. My sharp tongue was just something I liked to use when I didn¡¯t know what else to say. He cut straight to the chase on the next question, ¡°I¡¯m sure everyone at home would like to hear your side of the story on that video that took the internet by storm a few months ago. For those not in the know, here¡¯s a quick recap.¡± He segued into showing the same video that had caused all of this trouble in the first place again. It was shown to us on one of the TV screens on the set. Being a spectator to my own poor behaviour was too revealing for my liking, and I could feel myself becoming flush as the embarrassment started to get to me. The video ended with the man fleeing, and the audience gasping at the events that unfolded.This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°Shocking scenes there. And we received a lot of messages from watchers across the prefecture who¡¯ve had similar experiences. Has this happened before?¡± ¡°Thankfully that was the first time it ever happened to us. But I wasn¡¯t expecting it, our town is usually pretty quiet. It¡¯s been getting busier and busier recently.¡± One of the female panellists, Hinata, lined up the next question, ¡°Why did you decide to take a stand there?¡± ¡°What really upset me was that it was happening to my sister. We¡¯ve been through a lot recently, so seeing people giving her trouble was very upsetting. They were trying to predate on her, hoping that she¡¯d fold and go with them, and I don¡¯t want to imagine what¡¯d happen then.¡± Yuuta was visibly uncomfortable with how I¡¯d described it, ¡°Strong words.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s much benefit to softening the seriousness of what this was. That¡¯s how these people operate.¡± He nodded for the sake of being polite more than anything else, but Hinata seemed to be on my side. ¡°I¡¯ve always been a bit¡­ standoffish, but these kinds of people wilt under pressure very easily.¡± ¡°We¡¯ve seen from the police commissioner that people shouldn¡¯t try to escalate situations like this.¡± ¡°He¡¯s probably right. What I did was entirely emotional.¡± Yuuta took back the lead, ¡°Not the usual kind of emotions we see on this show.¡± ¡°Women are allowed to get angry at things too.¡± The crowd applauded my obvious rhetoric. ¡°And who are your friends here?¡± Hinata asked. ¡°I¡¯m Johnny. We¡¯ve been in the school¡¯s music club together for years.¡± ¡°Kei.¡± ¡°Shinsuke.¡± ¡°So tell us a little about yourselves, and why you decided to try and release your own album? Very ambitious for a group of students.¡± ¡°We¡¯re not planning to make a career of it right now,¡± Johnny explained, ¡°Call it a coincidence, but a lot has gone on recently that made us think of it as something we could do. We were approached by our producer after playing a gig at our local festival.¡± ¡°We wanted to do something big as our last act as the club,¡± I continued. ¡°A local talent agency got in touch with us and asked us if we¡¯d like to use their studio.¡± Hinata nodded, ¡°And what kind of inspirations went into the album?¡± ¡°This is a very personal album for all of us, not just because it¡¯s ours, but because a lot has happened recently for us ¨C and that has found its way into the lyrics of our music. I want to keep my card close to the chest, but recently I¡¯ve gone through a loss in the family. That changed a lot about me and my situation. Everyone had a say, but Kei and Shinsuke aren¡¯t much for song writing.¡± We¡¯d run out of time to make our case, Yuuta cut in to move things along. ¡°Well that sounds very exciting! And for all you folks at home, don¡¯t change the channel because our young superstars here are going to be performing an exert from that album when we close the show.¡± I nodded and gave him a pleasant smile. It made me want to barf. The rest of the show was a mixture of inane commentary, clips a few months past their sell-by date taken off of Twitter, and random interjections by the panellists. Mercifully we¡¯d come on at the tail end of the two-hour block. Sitting there and looking pleasant was tough enough already. When they finally cut to the ad break, we were waved over to the stage area to get ready. ¡°You feeling alright Shinsuke?¡± I asked. ¡°That was the hard part, let¡¯s impress some people.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I like to hear,¡± Kei cheered. ¡°Is this blows up, I¡¯m going to have cheated myself out of the frontman spot,¡± Johnny mused. ¡°Don¡¯t start this argument again,¡± I moaned, grappling with the microphone stand. ¡°Just like we practiced. Put on autopilot and let¡¯s get it done.¡± The crowd applauded as the lights rose again and bragged people back into the show. We nervously stood by our weapons of choice and waited for the word to start. An agonizing five minutes passed by before Yuuta finally started to wrap up the programme. ¡°Thank you for joining us this morning! We¡¯ve had some fantastic guests today, I hope that everyone watching at home has a great day, whether at home or at work. To lead us off, here is Seifuku, with a song from their upcoming album, take it away.¡± Johnny didn¡¯t wait for us to be ready, which was probably a solid idea. Less time to think about it meant less chance of freaking out. I stepped up to the microphone as the guys started playing. This one was for Shinsuke. I just hoped that everyone else appreciated it as much as we did. 37 – A Result We were all sat in the office a few days later. Kashiwagi had tried to keep the figures from us until he knew how well the album had sold. While it made sure that the numbers were accurate it did nothing to calm my rattled nerves. Shinsuke had a lot riding on this, this was his chance to get away from his parents financially. Kashiwagi sat at his desk and booted up his monitor. My heart froze as he navigated his computer for a minute, before stopping with a pensive look on his face. ¡°Well?¡± I asked, ¡°How did we do?¡± He cracked. Kashiwagi couldn¡¯t help but smile and leap out of his chair, ¡°It went amazingly! We sold nearly two-thousand of them.¡± ¡°So wait that means¡­¡± We¡¯d sold the EP at a lower price of seven-hundred yen to try and entice people. ¡°We made over a million?¡± We exploded into celebration on the floor of the office. It was beyond anything we¡¯d expected when we first signed up to this stupid scheme. Most of it was going to Shinsuke, but he was notably silent while the rest of us jumped around like a pack of idiots. Kashiwagi just sat there and grinned at us. ¡°Well done, well done.¡± Sure, he wasn¡¯t set for life. But a million yen for a high school student was a lot of money. Deposit and rent on an apartment money. We settled down, a sheen of sweat on our brows from a combination of adrenaline and exertion. Shinsuke had to cover his face in his hands. ¡°You okay dude?¡± Johnny asked, patting him on the back. He nodded. Kashiwagi flipped the monitor around and showed us the statistics, ¡°I was really blown away by how much word of mouth the EP got. That and the talk show really boosted people¡¯s awareness. And we¡¯re not even close to done yet, people have started posting reviews on some pretty big websites.¡± ¡°Really? Do they have anything nice to say?¡± ¡°A few sevens, one eight. People really like it. We might see this curve get a little steeper if the momentum keeps up.¡± Johnny was beside himself, ¡°I can¡¯t believe that people really bought an album from us. This is crazy.¡± Kei collapsed back onto the couch, hands outstretched, ¡°I told you we were good.¡± ¡°Really damn good!¡± Johnny yelled, ¡°This is great, I¡¯m so pumped! We should totally make another!¡± I pierced Johnny¡¯s balloon with a pointed statement, ¡°Don¡¯t you have exams to study for?¡± Johnny slumped over. He always struggled with studying. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, we¡¯ll help you out buddy.¡± ¡°Ah man, I don¡¯t want to study, or do any exams.¡± ¡°Tough shit, we have to.¡± Shinsuke stood up from his chair, having suppressed whatever tears he wanted to shed at the thought of being filthy stinking rich. ¡°Alright. Let¡¯s study. I¡¯m going to go crazy thinking about this now.¡± ¡°Does this guy even have a bank account?¡± Kei snickered.Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. ¡°There¡¯s no way I can focus like this,¡± Johnny lamented.
The four of us, and by that, I mean the other three, had nominated my house to be the location of our meetup. After school we locked up the clubroom for what may have been the last time, grabbed our books, and went on a hike down to my house. Kei whistled, ¡°I¡¯ll never get used to this house. Seriously, did we just go back an era?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that old fashioned. You see houses like this all the time in the countryside.¡± I invited them inside, ¡°Where do you want to go? Dining room, or my room.¡± ¡°Your room? Isn¡¯t going into a girl¡¯s room forbidden?¡± Johnny joked. ¡°As long as you don¡¯t try to smell my bedsheets, I think it¡¯ll be fine.¡± As we passed the door to my bedroom I opened it and showed them the inside, ¡°I have nothing to hide.¡± ¡°That¡¯s something that people with things to hide usually say¡­¡± ¡°I keep it clean, and I don¡¯t keep anything dirty in there either.¡± I set up a small table and we all gathered around for our study session. To be honest working with other people was just distracting, but it was good to have a moment together that wasn¡¯t packed with talk about putting the EP together. ¡°One million yen.¡± Shinsuke shook his head, ¡°You guys are crazy.¡± ¡°Hey, you were involved with this too.¡± ¡°The school¡¯s going to go nuts.¡± Kei shrugged, ¡°I¡¯d bet that million that they won¡¯t even find out if we don¡¯t tell them. They¡¯re not exactly on the ball when it comes to modern technology.¡± ¡°But we went on TV to promote it,¡± I sighed. ¡°What are they gonna¡¯ do? Expel us? Give us detention?¡± ¡°What are you going to do with it?¡± I asked, ¡°You could probably move out and be safe for a year or so.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± Shinsuke mumbled, ¡°I don¡¯t want to go crazy and spend it all in one place. No matter what I¡¯m going to have to put up with this until graduation.¡± ¡°University?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way I can get into university with my grades.¡± ¡°You never know.¡± ¡°I guess.¡± ¡°Find a job somewhere, move out when you do,¡± Johnny suggested, ¡°Make that money go as far as you can.¡± ¡°Aren¡¯t we forgetting something?¡± I aired, ¡°What about all the work we did for Kashiwagi? Unless you guys are out.¡± Johnny fell back onto the floor, ¡°Well shit, I don¡¯t just want to say that the band is done for. I mean, we worked so hard to get there.¡± ¡°But will we have time for it? A lot of these clubs drift apart after school,¡± Kei replied sombrely. ¡°We¡¯ll all get boring office jobs and be good little members of society like they want us to be.¡± I didn¡¯t want that. Since the very beginning I¡¯d done what I¡¯d done with the intention of breaking out of what I was before. I didn¡¯t want to be like everyone else, I didn¡¯t want to be what people thought I should be. I was the only one who could make that decision. ¡°We can¡¯t always count on the albums being successes. Maybe we can be part time rock stars instead.¡± Johnny sat back up, ¡°It¡¯s all conditional on Kashiwagi pushing us, isn¡¯t it? Or someone else coming along and thinking that we¡¯re worth the time.¡± ¡°True.¡± ¡°What a season though. Releasing an album, finding out that magic is real.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a little bigger than magic¡­¡± Shinsuke had that right. We¡¯d somehow proved the existence of god. Or one of many gods. Not that anyone outside of our small circle of friends and family would believe us about it. ¡°Who¡¯s to say what¡¯ll happen in a couple years? Shinsuke might get a university place, I might be a CEO. Or we might take off and do this music thing instead. Not much use worrying about it right now, because we¡¯ve still got exams to clear.¡± I flipped to the next page, ¡°Kashiwagi will tell us when the week is out, I¡¯m sure. He was talking a lot about this low budget music thing.¡± Johnny was rightly sceptical, ¡°Didn¡¯t it only sell because you beat up a pick-up artist?¡± ¡°Maybe that¡¯ll be his big strategy for all of the artists he manages.¡± The conversation died out as we went back to doing our work. I did have a lot to think about, and it was hard to focus on the material when so much about my future was up in the air. Kashiwagi didn¡¯t strike as the kind of man with lots of ambition. He was comfortable with his little agency and all of what that entailed. He was getting caught up in our own excitement about our school project finding an audience. Johnny chewed on the tip of his pen, ¡°Who do you think is gonna¡¯ cry at graduation?¡± Kei pointed at me, ¡°Miyako, definitely.¡± ¡°Hey! It¡¯s going to be Johnny. Have you ever tried watching a movie with him?¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± ¡°As soon as the violin picks up, this guy is wiping his eyes with his sleeve.¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± 38 – B Side It had been a while since I¡¯d stood in front of the doors to the house. I took a deep breath and unlocked the gate, slipping through the crack. The garden was a well maintained as ever. Before I could even knock at the front door it burst open, an excited looking lady of the house waving me inside. ¡°I¡¯m coming, I¡¯m coming,¡± I sighed. She¡¯d really taken to being my mother in the past few years. Once everybody got over the¡­ weirdness, it was like any other happy family in town. I was eternally thankful to her and Gorou for taking me in when I needed it. Him and Reina were waiting for me in the dining room. Reina couldn¡¯t help herself. She leapt out of her chair and gave me a big hug. ¡°I haven¡¯t been away for that long.¡± ¡°Longer than you¡¯ve ever been away before,¡± she mumbled. ¡°That¡¯s what happens when we go to different Universities.¡± We settled down and had a meal together for the first time in ages. Reina had let her hair grow out even more than before. It was really long. I, on the other hand, had decided to cut it short the first chance I got. I¡¯d never say it to anyone else but I enjoyed mixing up my hairstyle every so often. Dad was beside himself with happiness at having a full house again, ¡°How¡¯s it going over there? Are you settling in to the city?¡± ¡°Made some new friends, the work is pretty tough.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll be no problem ¨C you¡¯ve a bit of me in you.¡± ¡°I wonder sometimes.¡± I felt a little bad about leaving the house empty. But we all had to grow up eventually. What kind of responsible adult would I be if I leeched off my parent¡¯s goodwill for the rest of my life? ¡°What about you Reina?¡± She smiled, ¡°I¡¯ve made a lot of friends too.¡± ¡°You¡¯re probably showing everyone up¡­¡± ¡°Not that much, I only finished second in my year on the last exam.¡± ¡°Not that much?¡± Gorou laughed, ¡°Am I sensing a sibling rivalry here?¡± I shook my head, ¡°Studying music and politics are two entirely different things. Not to mention that we have to work in teams.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t fly solo all the time, when I was learning to paint I worked with other people constantly. Or maybe that album you released is getting to your head?¡± I blushed, ¡°Don¡¯t mention that! It¡¯s so embarrassing!¡± Mom covered her mouth, ¡°But it¡¯s lovely! We have it on the radio nearly every day.¡± I buried my head in my hands and tried to disappear into the furniture. All of the money did go to Shinsuke in the end. The first chance he got, he was out of that house and on his own. ¡°What happened to your clubmates in the end?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know exactly, but we¡¯re having a little reunion later. I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll bully all the answers out of each other in time.¡±
¡°Yo!¡± ¡°Johnny, you haven¡¯t changed a bit.¡± He really hadn¡¯t. He was wearing the exact same kind of crap that he wore back in school. He pointed at himself as if he didn¡¯t believe it, ¡°Me? I like the new haircut ¨C rebellious.¡± I smoothed it down, the wind was strong. ¡°It¡¯s trendy. Rebellious would be dying it bright pink and spiking it.¡± I took a spot next to him against the wall. ¡°How¡¯s Kashiwagi? You still working together?¡± ¡°Yep. It¡¯s been going great. I got to backup a big act last week. They were really impressed with me, might be a full-time spot in it for me.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll get there one day rock star, you can be the most famous part-time shop worker in the country.¡±Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. He scoffed and looked away, ¡°Boss keeps giving me shit about my hair.¡± ¡°Does it even need to be like that?¡± I smirked, ¡°Can¡¯t you just go normal until you land a proper spot?¡± ¡°No way! Presentation is half of the job! And not all of us are blessed with natural good looks like you.¡± ¡°And a family that can send me to University.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t remind me, lucky bastard.¡± It took ten minutes for the next merry member of our sordid band to arrive. Kei rounded the corner and waved, ¡°Hey!¡± He was wearing a sports jacket and ripped jeans. He¡¯d bleached the tips of his hair, old school for sure. Johnny gave him a fist bump and patted him on the back. ¡°I¡¯m not late?¡± ¡°That¡¯s a first, only one left to go.¡± Just as Johnny finished his sentence, the last man arrived. Shinsuke, looking very embarrassed to be the only one dressed somewhat smartly. He ducked his head down, ¡°Aw man.¡± Johnny and Kei laughed at his expense and ribbed him a little. ¡°Look at Mister Salaryman over here.¡± ¡°I am a salaryman. Why am I the only one here who grew up?¡± ¡°Hey, I¡¯m going to university right now. These two don¡¯t have an excuse though.¡± We filed into the designated meeting location, a local bar that Johnny had always been obsessed with going into. We were all at the age where we could drink, legally. I hadn¡¯t spent much of my time partying at University, I was usually too busy. We snatched a booth at the back corner. It was a cosy little place. ¡°It feels like an age since I last saw all of you.¡± ¡°You look a lot more confident Shinsuke.¡± ¡°Uh-huh. Getting out of the house did a lot of work for me. I thought I was in real trouble when my exam results came in, but that money you made get me a down payment on an apartment, and then I landed a job so I could support myself. They¡¯ve been looking after me, showing me the ropes.¡± Shinsuke laid his phone out on the table, it was vibrating, ¡°Mom¡± was sprawled across the screen. ¡°She¡¯s seriously calling you right now?¡± Kei frowned. ¡°They never stopped. I told them that I needed my own space, but they¡¯re keeping at it. I had to get a different phone to take into work with me.¡± ¡°Assholes.¡± ¡°You get used to it. I¡¯ve probably been keeping them at an arm¡¯s length for long enough, but I still don¡¯t feel like calling them back, or anything else.¡± ¡°Screw ¡®em,¡± Johnny declared, ¡°You don¡¯t owe them a thing dude.¡± I nodded, ¡°Nobody¡¯s expecting you to go running back to them now. You¡¯re a fully-grown man, you can make your own decisions.¡± ¡°It¡¯s tough. Sometimes I nearly crack and come out with all of these apologies.¡± ¡°It¡¯s hard to hate family. Even when they do something wrong to you. You need to hold the line, maybe they¡¯ll realize that they¡¯re the ones who need to swallow some hard truths about the way they treated you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the plan.¡± Johnny turned to me, ¡°Miyako, Kashiwagi is desperate to get you back for another album.¡± ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°Yeah! I mean, business has been great ever since ¨C he¡¯s climbing the ladder, steadily. More appearances, more bookings, bigger names¡­¡± ¡°I highly doubt it¡¯ll make a splash the second time around. My five minutes of fame are well and truly over.¡± My social media pages were pretty big and the more dedicated followers still took my word as gospel, but that wouldn¡¯t push many copies of a full priced album. ¡°You¡¯re like¡­ a properly trained musician, right? At least it¡¯ll sound really good.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll think about it. It¡¯ll be hard to find the time. And we¡¯d have to get the band back together, maybe with a new name?¡± ¡°There was nothing wrong with Seifuku,¡± Johnny chuckled. ¡°We¡¯re not in high school anymore.¡± ¡°So? When since did that stop anyone?¡± Kei slapped the table, ¡°I¡¯d be down.¡± Shinsuke looked to the bar out of the corner of his eye, ¡°If you¡¯re asking, as long as it doesn¡¯t take up too much time.¡± ¡°And Johnny can sing on it,¡± I concluded. ¡°No way. Listen, I realized how much I stunk years ago.¡± ¡°Aw come on.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m being serious. You¡¯re a way better frontman than I am!¡± Kei stood up, ¡°Here they go again with this¡­ I¡¯m going to go order some drinks. I think we¡¯ll need them.¡± Johnny pushed me aside and slipped out to follow him. Shinsuke laughed, ¡°It¡¯s like we never left.¡± He waited until the other two were out of earshot, ¡°Had any more divine intervention?¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t think I need it.¡± ¡°I always kept wondering, why didn¡¯t that happen to me? Not to make light of what was up with you, but¡­¡± ¡°We both had our own problems ¨C but even gods can¡¯t bend rules, apparently. He told me a lot of bull, I don¡¯t know if any of it was true. We have free will, so he can¡¯t just snap his fingers and fix everything for us. Even when he did it for me there was a lot for me to think about.¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°I think in the end, help only matters when we accept it. We kinda¡¯ forced you into the whole album thing, and sprung the money on you too.¡± ¡°But I appreciate it, I was being really stupid. I¡¯d be in real trouble if I just stuck around the house and let them¡­ you know, do that to me. Now I¡¯ve got my own place, a job, I can start doing what I really want to do.¡± Johnny and Kei came back, each with a pair of beers in their hands, ¡°What¡¯s with all the serious chat? Let¡¯s drink.¡± ¡°You look so excited about this,¡± Shinsuke rolled his eyes. ¡°Serious talk is the reason we¡¯re here, we haven¡¯t seen each other in ages. When was the last time we were all in the same place together?¡± I thought back to that last meeting, ¡°A few months after graduation. After that Johnny was always flaking on us.¡± ¡°Hey! You moved out of town, don¡¯t go blaming it on me.¡± ¡°I still come back now and then, I get holidays too.¡± We got pretty drunk. Maybe a bit too much. I nearly choked Johnny out after he decided to ask me about my love life. That was something I hadn¡¯t figured out for myself yet. I was a bit nervous about the idea, I¡¯d been so focused on wanting what I had, that I didn¡¯t think about it. Did I like men or women? Did I even like other people that way? I had to take it as it came, we all did.