《Alice/Zero》


 Falling Asleep

    She hadn¡¯t forgotten; she was convinced of it.


    ¡°Alice--¡±


    And yet, it all took so very long to come to her. She sat with her hands balled up into fists against her forehead. The figures scribbled onto the pages of her open notebook looked simple enough to work with. There was ¡®a¡¯ and there was ¡®b,¡¯ and they were equal. Another ¡®a¡¯ was multiplied to each. Then two ¡°b¡¯s¡± were subtracted from both quantities--but was it really two? The explanation had been ¡®b¡¯ ¡°b¡¯s.¡± That¡¯s how many ¡°b¡¯s¡± there were supposed to be. Then what good were two?


    ¡°Alice?¡±


    It was only the beginning of her long hike. On the other side of the equation, there were ¡®a¡¯ ¡°a¡¯s¡± less ¡®b¡¯ ¡°b¡¯s.¡± Numeration aside, it all seemed self-explanatory, at least as far as she was willing to struggle to accept. Subtraction was, and had always been, simple enough. It was just the opposite of addition, losing something instead of gaining something. She struggled to reason where the gain was coming from, then. A loss had turned into a loss and a gain, side by side. Was this mathematics or poetry? Was something of value lost or something invaluable gained?


    ¡°Alice!¡±


    Alice Liddell snapped awake. A sea of grinning and snickering faces spread out around her. She would¡¯ve been considerably more embarrassed had she not already become so well acquainted with such an expression. It was something Alice recalled from a series of days and nights that seemed frozen in time. Those strange and lonely times only seemed to take hold of her whenever they felt pleased to.


    Lightly rapping the grand and authoritative pointer against his palm, the professor shook his head at Alice, tut-tutting with an almost unenthusiastic disapproval. ¡°If this problem is beyond you, Miss Liddell, you certainly should¡¯ve just said that when I asked you to solve it.¡±


    Alice decided not to fight it. She simply nodded in agreement, saved by the tolling of the school bell. The professor rose and heaved his mighty textbook closed, causing all of the children to pause in their attempts to escape. He raised his pointer toward the crowd, carefully eyeing children as he searched for something unknown to them. It occurred to Alice that the professor looked remarkably silly for springtime. His emerald shirt and mud-brown vest would¡¯ve made him look like a heavily branched tree if it wasn¡¯t for his head. Bald save a few stray locks along the sides, he reminded Alice of an old, discarded vegetable. In fact, that description seemed perfect to Alice except for the spectacles. The professor had them tightly pressed against his nose, seemingly glued into place. While he certainly always retained a fair view of the student body and the troublemakers lurking within, he seemed perpetually unable to take in a consistent view of the clock. One day, time was on his side, the next, it left him grasping at the air for a meaningful conclusion. Today, however, the professor had the air of someone wholly concerned with someone else¡¯s time.


    His pointer rested on a plain looking young man with a red tie, a full patch of light brown hair, and kind eyes.


    ¡°Mr. Lent, since your command of the material has proven to be most substantial, I suggest you spend the afternoon with Miss Liddell.¡± The professor snapped his pointer back like a soldier repositioning a gun. ¡°I expect the erasers to be clean when I inspect them tomorrow morning. Does that sound suitable to you?¡±


    A certain longing in the young man¡¯s kind eyes seemed to refuse until he glanced at Alice. She turned away, blushing slightly and wondering not only what it was about this boy that would make him refuse, but what it was about her that would make him change his mind.


    ¡°That sounds perfectly suitable, sir,¡± the boy replied. He seemed calculatedly unsure, as though he was saving his confidence for something far more deserving.


    The professor gave a small smile and a wave of his hand. ¡°Very good. Class dismissed.¡±


    He gathered up his textbook and attendance list, laying his pointer in the corner of the room. It made an eerie tapping sound as it struck the wall, echoing on the breeze seeping through the open window and sending an apparent shudder running amongst the sea of departing children. Alice mused over it for a moment, and then shook her head. It was only a pointer, after all. It didn¡¯t have to be anything else.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    Upon the professor¡¯s departure, the boy stood with his hands behind his back, rocking lightly as if in thoughts that only puppy lovers have. He turned to face Alice as she tried to shrug herself awake. It seemed to do very little good, but she kept at it. After all, those days and nights of smiles and snickers never stopped keeping at it every time she dozed off in curiosity. The sun set and rose on them as it pleased, swinging to the tick of some other clock. Alice suddenly wondered if the professor happened to carry a pocket-watch. The thought that he didn¡¯t was almost laughable. Stranger creatures had perfectly good uses for pocket-watches; the professor¡¯s possible ignorance of time would make him a very strange creature indeed!


    ¡°Um, Alice, is it?¡±


    The young man was now standing next to her with his hand stretched out. Alice blinked a few times and shook it in return, nodding in reply.


    The boy smiled slightly. ¡°You know, I don¡¯t believe I¡¯ve ever introduced myself to you. Silly, isn¡¯t it? I mean, we¡¯ve been in this class together for almost an entire term, and never once have I had the opportunity nor--¡±


    He stopped himself, suddenly unsure in full about the word he was searching for. Alice found his searching mildly amusing and almost wanted him to continue like that, but he simply cleared his throat in an introductory sort of way. ¡°Never mind all of that. I¡¯m Ethan Lent.¡±


    He paused. Alice nodded again, a little slower this time, and then turned back to her scribbling.


    ¡°Well?¡± Ethan piped up after a few seconds of silence. ¡°Aren¡¯t you going to say anything?¡±


    ¡°You have a pleasant name,¡± Alice said, smiling. Something inside her wanted to comment on Ethan¡¯s kind eyes, but she kept the desire to herself.


    Ethan grinned, running a shy hand through his hair. ¡°Yours is pleasant as well. If I¡¯m correct, it has French origins. Although I¡¯m typically more partial to Hebrew names myself--there are so many in such great texts, you know--¡±


    Alice suddenly drowned out Ethan¡¯s projections, something French poking around in her head, something that she simply couldn¡¯t remember. It was like a mouse poking around for lost cheese, or maybe a cat poking around for a lost mouse. Alice frowned, trying to draw up something that made sense in any sense of the word sense.


    Ethan called her back. He looked rather defeated. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­you¡¯re probably not interested in my rambling. I imagine you just want me to help you with that math problem?¡±


    Alice nodded, feeling compelled to add, ¡°It seems like it would be suitable of you.¡±


    Ethan smiled slightly, catching this small jab at the professor. He walked over to the corner of the room and tried to pick up the pointer. It proved to be a disgraceful task: Ethan gripped the long rod with both hands, wobbling a little from side to side as he attempted to make his way to the blackboard. ¡°If I¡¯m correct, we ended here in class, didn¡¯t we?¡±


    The unfinished equation read (a+b)(a-b)=b(a-b). The daunting task of gain by loss seemed to taunt Alice as she stared down at her own scribbling. It felt oddly therapeutic doing so as Ethan¡¯s own scribbling echoed off of the blackboard. He seemed just as lost in thought as she was. She wanted it to stay this way, to keep losing herself in the thought of the coexistence of gain and loss until it made sense--some sense, any sense at all. As her eyelids grew heavy, Alice realized not only that there was a tiny hunger pang rising up inside her, but that it was a familiar hunger pang. It kept her awake in her sleep. It brought her through that series of days and nights.


    The soothing melody of chalk scribbles quieted, as though Ethan had suddenly remembered that he had forgotten about the problem entirely. ¡°Y-you see, a key fact to remember is that ¡®a¡¯ and ¡®b¡¯ are equal to each other,¡± he instructed loosely. ¡°This was established at the beginning of the problem.¡±


    As her head began to droop, Alice strained to see what it was that Ethan had written. There were words on the chalkboard, full words that hadn¡¯t been there before. She sighed quietly, keenly aware of the fruitlessness of her efforts. All she could do was stare at her own scribbling one last time--


    Suddenly, it hit her like a flash. There was loss present on both sides of the equation; all she had to do was divide it out! Alice quickly scrawled some fractions into the equation, putting the terms over the loss. Eyeing it with all the carefulness she could manage, Alice recalled what Ethan had told her. The two terms were equal¡­so what was the point of subtraction? What was there to lose besides an entire term?


    ¡°My dear, I do believe you¡¯re looking at it the wrong way.¡±


    Alice cocked her head in wonder. ¡°Looking¡­the wrong way¡­¡±


    ¡°Now, I prefer to call it a contradiction instead of a paradox--¡±


    With her fractional lines turned vertical, she felt herself follow them, sweeping past Ethan¡¯s words and tumbling down a path that was familiar in an almost unpleasant way, like a cherished memory devoid of everything worth cherishing. Alice shook her head. There was something more to it. She hadn¡¯t forgotten. She was convinced of it.

 You See?

    ¡°Cleary or not, you know what is! C¡¯est la vie!¡±


    Alice¡¯s head had begun to throb, almost as though shaking it had completely thrown her against a wall of wind. Blinking a few times, she found herself curled up in the middle of a minty looking meadow, her feet being inspected by a strange yet somewhat identifiable creature. It seemed to coil itself over its own feet (if Alice could reason that the creature truly had feet of its own), doubled over while doubled under at the same rate.


    ¡°What is what?¡± Alice mumbled, gingerly rubbing her head.


    ¡°¡¯Tis all a matter of clarification, my dear!¡± the creature jubilantly exclaimed. ¡°Surely ¡®tis ill if you describe for too long, for how long-winded will you find yourself? How many words will you need? How distasteful ¡®twill breathing be? You see?¡±


    Dragging a hand through the minty grass, Alice rolled her eyes, entertaining the notion that she was once again in most peculiar company, company that wouldn¡¯t give her a moment¡¯s peace for a series of days and nights. As her vision overcame her throbbing head, she realized that the minty flavor of the grass was illuminated by what seemed like frost. Still, there wasn¡¯t a hint of frigidness in the air. Quite the contrary: the creature spoke with the eager boisterousness of a nostalgic summer evening.


    ¡°Still, if there¡¯s hope as to what you see and thusly describe, then certainly all the necessary words have already been scribed! You needn¡¯t waste too much breath, but you see, there is more breath to be spared for comfort and the reconcilement of lost words for future re-cite-ation! ¡®Tis all very generous, you see?¡±


    Alice had begun to grow slightly annoyed with this creature: his erratic speech reminded her of a most unpleasant nostalgic summer evening that she had endured what seemed like years ago. Ready to give the creature a full piece of her mind, she sat up and attempted to stare it down. Granted, the only thing she ended up staring down--up and down and all around, to be precise--was the twinkling sky. It glowed with a gentle reverence, a whimsical majesty that rivaled all auroras she had ever read about.


    ¡°It¡¯s incredible,¡± Alice whispered with utter delight.


    The whimsical majesty suddenly turned sour, beginning to hulk through the sky as a sickly yellow. The grass that tickled Alice¡¯s hands regressed into a brownish tint.


    ¡°Oh, look what you¡¯ve done! What¡¯ve you g-g- got to say for yourself?¡±


    The sky regained its former glory, happily beckoning Alice with a precious and light-hearted charm. She swept her hands through the minty grass as she whirled around with a strong and curious pull, trying to attach a face to this creature. When she finally caught sight of it, there was very little of a face to attach. The creature didn¡¯t appear to have any sort of straightness to its body, nor to its wiry (almost invisible, Alice noted) limbs or its penetratingly innocent eyes.


    Alice opened her mouth to reply, aiming to reason ¡°It¡¯s not my fault,¡± although the back of her head tut-tutted with all the authority of the professor in reasoning that it was her fault indeed. Before she could even begin to form the words, the creature¡¯s nimble hands pressed her lips together. Alice tried to recoil, but the creature¡¯s strength was remarkable beyond words. She could only flail her arms around in frustration.


    ¡°Rephrase that, my curious dear,¡± the creature said. ¡°Maybe you can¡¯t remember what happens here?¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t remember?¡± Alice finally gasped out. ¡°Forgive me, but I¡¯m not sure I do remember?¡±


    ¡°Can you? Do you? Well, surely if you do, then you can, but perhaps you¡¯ve forgotten if you even do what you can do. But what can you do? C¡¯est la vie!¡±


    Alice raised an eyebrow. ¡°Is French your first language?¡±


    ¡°My dear,¡± the creature warmly began, attempting to bow, ¡°I come from a long line of language. Why, I¡¯m a language unto myself, wrapped in words and weaving considerable contraptions and contradictions from insightful idioms. The name is, but soon may not be, C, you see, finally?¡±Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Alice felt the urge to blink a few more times. This C seemed to lack full curvature. ¡°You look more like a parenthesis.¡±


    ¡°My dear,¡± the creature joyfully proclaimed, slinking around behind Alice, ¡°I¡¯ve never had children, much less any your size! I¡¯m sure your sister would agree, you see?¡±


    Alice perked up. ¡°How did you know I have a sister?¡±


    C appeared to ignore her. ¡°No, see, I can only grow; indeed, I don¡¯t know what exactly I¡¯ll be once the words have been taken out of me, but I don¡¯t like to think about more than I can write at one time.¡±


    ¡°Excuse me, but what about my sister?¡± Alice tried to interject.


    C began to tumble through the minty grass like a leaf. Sparkling frost flew up and shone preciously against Alice¡¯s eyes. With her curiosity overpowering her awe, she took off after this odd creature. ¡°You still haven¡¯t said anything about my sister!¡±


    ¡°My dear, what can I say? I only know what I¡¯m told, you see?¡±


    ¡°No! Quite frankly, I don¡¯t!¡±


    ¡°But I certainly do! C¡¯est la vie!¡±


    Alice¡¯s growing frustration began to simmer. ¡°Will you stop rolling around like a loon? This is serious!¡±


    ¡°This Lune is serious,¡± C maintained, emphasizing his shape. ¡°Why, this Lune turns the tide of history, if history is worth telling, in which case history must certainly turn first! There are those who look to the Lune with such longing, wishing that time would find the rock smaller! Of course, ¡®tis a longing that must foresee history! One can¡¯t come before the other unless there is a procliv¡¯ty for infin¡¯ty, you see?¡±


    Nothing made Alice see, but everything gave her a scheming little idea. ¡°It¡¯s not fair!¡±


    The frost the C kicked up as he rolled about turned to black, peppery dust. His figure stood shaded by a foreboding sky that seemed to fold its cloudy arms in dismay. He lunged toward Alice and wrapped himself around her. She struggled to wriggle free, but C only perched his arms disapprovingly on Alice¡¯s shoulder. ¡°What stirs such riffraff in such a stirring place? Are you so dull and untidy as to turn off this wonder? Or do you simply prefer to turn on the r-r-rot?¡±


    The sky resolved to put away its anger, drawing out the wonder of the land once more.


    ¡°That should be sufficient,¡± C sighed, letting Alice go free. ¡°You can never be too sure. Those bugs keep coming back; yes, they still haven¡¯t left! You can never be too sure, you see?¡±


    Alice sat down resolutely, resting her chin on her fist and closing her eyes. ¡°Bugs?¡±


    ¡°Someone like you shouldn¡¯t be so ignorant,¡± C chided. ¡°You¡¯re lucky that I¡¯ve been told what to do with riffraff like you.¡±


    Alice¡¯s eyes snapped open. ¡°And what exactly is that?¡±


    C slid playfully over and began to snuggle against Alice. ¡°Why, refuse to give up until you see! I¡¯m useless without you, you see, for if you don¡¯t see long enough, then maybe I won¡¯t see long enough, and then maybe everything will be too short and I¡¯ll be too easy to forget and I don¡¯t like to be forgotten, you see?¡±


    Annoyed and tired of the banter, Alice shrugged. ¡°C¡¯est la vie.¡±


    C looked despondent, but only for a moment. He suddenly brightened with laughter. ¡°You do see, I believe! Some might reason a complement, but I¡¯m far from concerned with the details for once! This is just too grand!¡±


    Alice tried to reply again, but C simply put a wily hand up and continued. ¡°My dear, you are a delightfully curious one, but I don¡¯t think you¡¯re in any place to question the frame you¡¯re in. If you could frame this frame within a frame that frames your own oppo-si-tion to this frame and declares that frame null, perhaps we could get somewhere, else you are clearly out of your frame and need proper guidance to frame yourself within my frame, you see?¡±


    Having given up on whatever her reply would¡¯ve been, Alice simply blinked in reply.


    ¡°Splendid!¡± C brightened up. ¡°Perhaps you¡¯ll be a suitable companion at the ceremony indeed! For where two may be, if all is in the proper frame, the circle of loops may be nullified and all complete! Granted, I must warn you, do watch what you say with greater direction!¡±


    ¡°Discretion,¡± Alice suggested.


    ¡°I¡¯ve never been told such a word,¡± C replied. ¡°¡¯Tis all in the direction. You don¡¯t want to take us places that we don¡¯t want to go, would you agree?¡±


    Alice felt as though a tickling gust of wind was encouraging her to nod.


    ¡°Then we are in agreement!¡± C delightfully exclaimed. ¡°We are going to places that we want to go to, knowing that your thoughts are mine while mine may only yet be yours; there has never been a more perfect--connection, you see?¡±


    ¡°I beg your pardon,¡± Alice said, ¡°but precisely what lim--er, hinders your vocabulary?¡±


    C¡¯s eyes narrowed as two dark figures began to approach along the horizon. As Alice tried to shift her gaze into focus, she felt as though the tiny blobs looked somehow friendly against the inviting illumination of the shimmering sky. Nevertheless, C began to tug at her sleeve. ¡°There are far too many glatches to be worried about.¡±


    ¡°What on earth is a glatch?¡± Alice wondered.


    ¡°If a glatch isn¡¯t on this earth you speak of, then certainly a glatch is nothing. Here, however, such is something, something for a great nothing that does everything, a mischievous nonesuch really. You see?¡±


    Alice rose and shook her head. ¡°No, but I don¡¯t suppose I will all too soon.¡±


    C winked. ¡°C¡¯est la vie.¡±

 Something for Nothing

    Alice rolled her eyes, deciding that this C creature was perhaps more annoying yet endearing than curious. Despite the incredible insensibility of it all, this new world felt remarkably peaceful and comforting (that is, as long as Alice remembered to hold her tongue). Still, it seemed that there was very little that she could hold to from her memories here; it struck her as positively queer that she would feel almost homesick for such a distressing time in her life, but even familiar nonsense was still familiar as far as she was concerned. Familiar was certainly the word that came to mind as Alice glanced around idly and noticed a small white figure in dapper dressings. The tiny spectacles perched on its nose, the nervous gait of its dashings--familiar indeed.


    ¡°The white rabbit!¡± In her newfound joy, Alice forgot the cardinal rule that C had laid out for her. Then again, it seemed better to forget, anyway. It was a silly rule without rhyme or reason. As Alice felt C tugging at her sleeve again, she glanced back around and saw the two curious figures from the horizon.


    ¡°Bit!¡±


    ¡°Bot!¡±


    ¡°Bit!¡±


    ¡°Bot!¡±


    They were a profoundly merry pair, dancing about as a new landscape literally shot up around them. With every happy step and every delightful step, a new rustling tree popped up here, an expanse of emerald shrubbery sprouted up there, and a soft dirt path seemed to unfurl itself at Alice¡¯s feet and beyond. There was suddenly no sign of the white rabbit, lost in the now starkly reddish tint of the sky, soon blackened with night and then speckled with early dawn. The two figures, short & stout and tall & lanky, sang and pranced their way around Alice while C looked on disapprovingly.


    ¡°I do believe you¡¯ve gone and set them off. Not very prudent, you see?¡±


    The two stopped dancing in perfect unison, eyeing C with a look of sudden astoundedness.


    ¡°Set us off?¡± sang the short one.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t dream of setting us off!¡± sang the tall one.


    ¡°But ¡®tis such a good dream, so I just might,¡± C replied.


    ¡°Ah, boo,¡± sang the stout one, shuffling over to Alice¡¯s side. ¡°You¡¯re no fun. This one, on the other side, this one hasn¡¯t heard our story!¡±


    ¡°You mean your story,¡± sand the lanky one.


    ¡°Why would I mean your story?¡± sang the short one.


    ¡°Because you hardly ask why at all,¡± sang the tall one. ¡°A good story is a good story to you solely on the basis that the story is good.¡±


    C nudged Alice. ¡°You see?¡± he muttered. ¡°No sense to these glatches.¡±


    ¡°But the story is good,¡± sang the stout one. ¡°If the story weren¡¯t good, would I keep telling the story?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I do believe you would,¡± sang the lanky one. ¡°There is nothing to the story, so a new something springs up every time the story is told. The story never gets old, but the story certainly feels as though the story has been told before!¡±


    ¡°Are you certain that you aren¡¯t the one who feels that the story has been told before?¡± sang the short one.


    The inside of Alice¡¯s head began to throb amidst the dissonance. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind, I must be on my way if you two haven¡¯t anything more important to say.¡±


    ¡°Why, we do mind!¡± sang the tall one, springing up in front of Alice.


    ¡°We¡¯ve nothing important to say,¡± sang the stout one, bumbling over behind Alice, ¡°because we never say anything important! The important must be sung!¡±


    ¡°I do believe,¡± C spoke up with a subtle note of disdain, ¡°that I¡¯ve never heard such an insensible and cacophonic language for music in all of my days.¡±


    ¡°Surely you don¡¯t believe such a thing!¡± sang the lanky one.


    ¡°The first verse is over!¡± sang the short one, rolling alongside his companion in front of Alice. ¡°Now, my dearest brother, the chorus!¡±


    Nightfall sprang back overhead as the two figures cleared their throats. The tall one opened his mouth to begin, but the stout one burst into a symphony unlike anything Alice had ever heard before. Mountains began to spring up and toss the trees aside as he bellowed on.The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°Everything was something in everyone¡¯s eyes! That was how we were named! We had values ascribed by theories and guessings, all such a roundabout game! But roundabout and roundabout they circled far back and again: for this little fellow--myself, realize--hadn¡¯t the virtue of a name! Before I was nothing, and nothing was me, yet nothing occupied the space: ¡®twas all thrown askew, this numbering thing, as long as empty I remained--¡±


    ¡°No, see, there you¡¯ve gone and ruined everything,¡± the lanky one sighed.


    ¡°With such misplaced rhyme and backspeak, I wholeheartedly agree,¡± C smirked, ¡°you see?¡±


    ¡°But this is the good part!¡± the short one complained. Waves of hills started to jolt the forest path. Alice groped and dug fiercely through the dirt, fearing that she might tumble away with every word.


    ¡°No, no, this part isn¡¯t good!¡± sang the tall one. ¡°What good is something for nothing? What is gained besides that which wasn¡¯t there and is no longer here?¡±


    ¡°But that¡¯s the rub!¡± sang the stout one. ¡°Before, there was nothing for something for nothing! Don¡¯t you remember how many somethings were made nothings by that one lack of something? If there isn¡¯t something for nothing, then what good is nothing? Space, I tell you! Space that is occupied by nothing! Space needs a certain something, certainly with certainty!¡±


    Alice noticed that C appeared to gag with every certain utterance.


    ¡°And what of reaching that something?¡± sang the lanky one. ¡°What good have we reached?¡±


    ¡°Surely you haven¡¯t forgotten!¡± sang the short one. ¡°All of the bases are finally covered! Can you imagine all the somethings that can be done with nothing? How else would there be we two?¡±


    The hills stopped rumbling through the forest path. Alice struggled to stand up, tripping over the illusions of her feet. This curious pair was driving her off the edge, she concluded, and all for nothing!


    The tall one appeared to identify with the stout one¡¯s logic. Sighing and straightening himself up, the lanky one gave an empathetic nod.


    ¡°So we¡¯re clear on this little proof?¡± the short one sang.


    ¡°I don¡¯t accept your conclusion,¡± the tall one sang. ¡°I merely fail to reject your conclusion.¡±


    The stout one looked down and kicked up some dirt. ¡°Well, that¡¯s no fun!¡±


    ¡°Ah, go stir up the pot somewhere else for a little bit, you see?¡± C interjected, tugging a disoriented Alice along through the shimmering dawn.


    ¡°No, no, you¡¯ve thrown us out of sequence!¡± The short one tried to reorient his song, but it was too late.


    ¡°Bit!¡±


    ¡°Bot!¡±


    ¡°Bit!¡±


    ¡°Bot!¡±


    The mountains around them leveled off into plateaus streaked with midday sun. The two figures danced merely along, their shadows crisscrossing over the majestic red clays and stones. Alice blinked rapidly, thankful that she had finally regained what seemed to be the willingness to be conscious.


    ¡°I do beg your pardon,¡± she looked down at C, ¡°but how were those two creatures causing such a ruckus? In fact, what are those two creatures?¡± The question appeared completely foreign to Alice for the briefest of moments.


    ¡°I call them glatches,¡± C began, ¡°but I do suppose that makes me a liar, you see? They¡¯re ar-chi-tects and rabble-rousers, unaware of how big they truly are. ¡®Tis a shame, really: they¡¯ve seen everything I¡¯ve seen, tainting and compressing all of my most beautiful words and functions into nothing but simplified--¡° C swished a word around in his mouth, his eyes darting back and forth as though making sure the creatures were out of earshot. ¡°--bizs and bozs--lifeless codes and scribbling, completely indecipherable soliloquies. The longer they run, the more overwhelmed I become! You see?¡±


    Alice nodded absentmindedly. ¡°Bit and Bot,¡± she mouthed. ¡°Those are their names?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re getting knowledgeable,¡± C replied, ¡°but ¡®tis meaningless. There isn¡¯t much for you to do with that knowledge now, here under this sun. You see?¡±


    ¡°I imagine I¡¯m getting somewhere,¡± Alice said, smoothing out her dress and sitting down to rest.


    C yawned and waddled over, leaving tiny footprints in the soft forest dirt. ¡°I¡¯m posi-tively exhausted. Cradle me.¡± He nestled his face in Alice¡¯s chest.


    ¡°Come now,¡± Alice exclaimed, springing back to life and pushing C aside. Instead of tumbling away, he simply slipped around until he lay serenely in Alice¡¯s arms. ¡°I don¡¯t see the meaning of this!¡±


    C¡¯s eyes perked up. ¡°How could you not? So many beautiful things start with c! Cradling, cuddling, camping, curiosity, caterpillar--¡±


    Caterpillar, Alice thought to herself. Even with C babbling in her arms, she began to feel very lonely. All this new company in this new landscape was very well and good, if too curious to appropriately describe, but nothing was familiar at all; if anything was, it seemed to be whisked away without a second thought. It had never occurred to Alice that she might actually miss that nostalgia, that series of days and nights.


    ¡°Christ--hey, are you listening to me?¡±


    Alice snapped back to reality and stared down politely at C. ¡°Certainly.¡±


    ¡°Certainty, that¡¯s another!¡± C exclaimed with eager reverence. ¡°And, of course, catastrophe!¡±


    Alice¡¯s brow furrowed. ¡°A catastrophe doesn¡¯t sound very pleasant.¡±


    ¡°Why, catastrophe sounds quite credibly pleasant!¡± C reasoned joyfully. ¡°Ca-tas-trophy¡­the word sounds like an ancient princess or a spice laden upon dumplings! Catastrophe rolls right off the tongue in complete consecution of poetry, you see?¡±


    Alice sighed, looking down at the wide eyed creature in her arms with a motherly affection. ¡°I suppose I do see.¡±


    C suddenly sprang up, his eyes directly locked with Alice¡¯s. ¡°Hey! Careful now! You oughtn¡¯t idly utter something like that before the wedding of the century!¡±


    Alice felt her own eyes grow wide as C seemed to be staring (albeit quite innocently) into her soul. ¡°The what?¡±


    A puff of smoke brushed lazily past Alice¡¯s face. Inhaling too quickly, she began to cough violently, forcing C to tumble out of her arms.


    ¡°Oh, do quiet yourself,¡± a deep and penetrating voice suddenly spoke up. Alice blinked, swearing that something was there in the puff of smoke.


    ¡°I hope you realize the weight of this inconvenience, bearing wi¡¯ness to your every struggle,¡± the voice droned on, ¡°without ever hearing your name out of simple courtesy. What a girl.¡±


    Alice¡¯s eyes lit up with both surprise and wonder. This was familiar in the most gripping of ways.

 Maybe Once, Maybe Twice

    ¡°Now, I certainly do hope that you¡¯re willing to entertain my cordial curios¡¯ty,¡± the voice continued, but Alice began to ignore it, growing steadily more mesmerized. She reached out and touched the puff of smoke with an outstretched finger, her eyes wide and alit with wonder. The puff curled up and recoiled in an illuminating flash.


    ¡°Oh!¡± Alice exclaimed, tugging her hand back from the billowing papery cloud. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, did I frighten you?¡±


    ¡°You?¡± the voice said. ¡°Now that¡¯s a funny word. Tell me, who are you?¡±


    Alice opened her mouth to reply, but C beat her to it. ¡°Why, she¡¯s--¡±


    ¡°No, no,¡± the voice interrupted sharply, ¡°don¡¯t say a word. Her lack of short-term memory doesn¡¯t need to be encouraged any further.¡±


    Alice suddenly felt a surge of authority, something that she imagined the professor must feel quite often. ¡°I beg your pardon, but I do believe my name is something that is part of my long-term memory.¡±


    ¡°Hardly,¡± the voice rasped. ¡°All I know of you is that you do nothing but change. You girl, what a curious creature.¡±


    Alice frowned, feeling rather slighted. ¡°I¡¯m not just some animal, you know. Not like you.¡±


    The puff of smoke blasted against Alice¡¯s face, causing her to cough again. ¡°An animal? What an assumption, you outright fool. Haven¡¯t you been rehearsing your re-cite-ations?¡±


    As Alice continued retching, C spoke up once more. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you ask sooner? I know my re-cite-ations as well as I know what I¡¯m told, you see?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t see, because I didn¡¯t ask you,¡± the voice sourly replied.


    C appeared unfazed, clearing his throat and beginning:


    To be included in the stream,


    In and out of piece-wise dreams:


    The space they reserve for my name


    Is used only to start the game.


    They won¡¯t remember me, although


    I give them all a grand Hello!


    They¡¯ll give me nothing in return,


    But joy, ¡®tis never my concern!


    ¡°You have no conception of wisdom at all,¡± the voice retorted.


    ¡°¡¯Tis wise to me!¡± C shot back. ¡°Why, by what I¡¯m told, this is the building block of all wisdom, you see?¡±


    ¡°Why, most defin¡¯tely,¡± the voice said, ¡°if your block is built upon the shallowest of rocks. Until you have let your words be drowned in the sifting confines of sand, you¡¯ve drawn nothing from even the prettiest poetry.¡±


    ¡°I suppose you have something better?¡± C replied.


    ¡°That I do,¡± the voice said, pausing a moment before continuing:


    In time, I slept long as I stood


    In living rock that melted down;


    I donned this skin long as I should


    Begin the search for earthly ground.


    ¡®Tis hard to fall on what is true,


    The rock that breaks your very frame.


    ¡®Tis hard when none can know you¡¯re you:


    I search and search for earthly gains.


    ¡®Twasn¡¯t fear that counted me gone,


    But cowards who dared run amok.


    I¡¯ll sleep again in sand for long


    ¡®Till I needn¡¯t believe I¡¯m stuck.


    C yawned and scratched his head idly. ¡°That¡¯s all pompous rambling, pretty petty characters in a most unpleasant arrangement. You see?¡± He turned to Alice expectantly.


    After she had finally finished her hacking fit, Alice had begun to ignore the verses spilling out around her, trying to piece together what it was she was longing for. The sunset still streamed through the trees, casting warm and swishing shadows along the forest floor. They filled Alice with such anticipation, something she had never truly felt before. ¡®What a shame,¡¯ she thought to herself, ¡®that this is so foreign to me. Why, none of this feels particularly new, and yet, it¡¯s all held together in such a curious way! I suppose that this is what growing up is: being captivated and contented by this strange and marvelous world around you!¡¯ As Alice continued to ponder, her thoughts suddenly turned sour. ¡®Oh, but if I simply stand around and stare at these lovely lights for too long, surely I¡¯ll go blind and become bedridden, an old woman before my time--what a shame! Speaking of which, what is the time?¡¯Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    In what seemed like a rather silly and embarrassing moment, Alice half-hoped that she would hear a familiar tick-tock clicking over the horizon. Sadly, all she could hear was the incessant droning of her two companions. Nursing frustration and a pair of increasingly pained eyes, Alice slumped to the ground, feeling suddenly melancholy and distant.


    ¡°Hey, why aren¡¯t you listening?¡± C snapped at Alice, recapturing her attention. ¡°You don¡¯t know the poems and you don¡¯t know the loves! Why, exponential loves upon loves, powered in the wedding of the century, you see? How can you stand not knowing?¡±


    ¡°I was doing quite well without knowing about that,¡± Alice said, referring to the wedding of the century. Unfortunately for her, the puff of smoke thought she was referring to the poems. In a fluttery rage, it scampered over and grasped Alice¡¯s tongue, causing her to shriek in alarm.


    ¡°Do quiet yourself,¡± the voice said sternly. ¡°You don¡¯t know how poor off you are, you silly girl. If you can¡¯t hold your tongue, someone else will simply have to do so for you.¡±


    The forest dirt turned to swirling sand. Alice coughed and sent the puff of smoke tumbling to the ground. ¡°If someone is truly to hold my tongue, then that someone certainly won¡¯t be someone like you!¡±


    As the smoke cleared, Alice strained to make out what she thought looked like an incredibly familiar creature. ¡°Cat--caterpillar?¡±


    The once-caterpillar managed to heave itself up, shivering and flying on limp and unimpressive wings. ¡°How often has your head been struck by lightning? You¡¯ve forgotten your name to the point where all other names escape you. Shame, you don¡¯t even know my name.¡±


    Alice thought that she might open her mouth to reply, but she pursed her lips instead, knowing that C would surely have something more prevalent to say. Sure enough, he babbled right along.


    ¡°There isn¡¯t a single soul this side of the system who hasn¡¯t gotten themselves simply spliced with splendor over the wedding of the century!¡± he exclaimed gleefully. ¡°Why, ¡®tis gone and assigned new values to the hearts of all, invariably declaring the happy happier and the mad madder!¡±


    An annoying memory suddenly came back to Alice. ¡°Mad--?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s truly mad, only as a hatter!¡± C sang. ¡°You see? I make profound poetry!¡±


    ¡°A hatter!¡± Alice exclaimed. ¡°What reason would a hatter have to get married?¡±


    ¡°Oh, come now!¡± C playfully (although Alice thought it quite rude) slapped Alice on the back. ¡°Have you gone and given up golden nuggets of nonchalant know-how? The road to a man¡¯s heart is through his superior vena cava, and the road to his stomach is through his esophagus! ¡®Tis what I¡¯ve been taught & told, you see?¡±


    ¡°I surely don¡¯t see what this all means,¡± Alice replied.


    ¡°But that¡¯s the easiest part!¡± C continued. ¡°Such a neighborly intersection intertwines infatuations! The bride can give the groom his fill, and about time too! Ever since the projection gave way to imagination, his knows no bounds! He¡¯s simply made new, you see? This glorious wedding, ¡®tis a clean slate free of glatches and gobbledy-gook! ¡®Tis a newness that surely won¡¯t be deleted!¡± He turned to the once-caterpillar. ¡°You, my shudder-fly companion, you know what I¡¯m talking about! You¡¯ve gone and adopted a whole new mask, you see?¡±


    The once-caterpillar sighed, waving the topic aside. ¡°¡¯Tis all imaginary to me, a truly one-sided affair.¡±


    Alice frowned. ¡°How queer that you¡¯d use such a word.¡±


    ¡°Affair?¡± the once-caterpillar droned. ¡°What makes that so queer? Are you involved in the bridal party? Do you fancy yourself bequeathed to the groom instead? Who are you?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not what I meant at all!¡± a flustered Alice replied.


    ¡°Perhaps not what you meant, but what you implied, for all intents and purposes, given your type and timing of response,¡± C interjected. ¡°You see?¡±


    Alice looked at C, then at the once-caterpillar, then back at C. The conversation between the two of them was simply becoming too much.


    ¡°Well, if both of you think you¡¯re so much better off than me, I¡¯ll show you! I can be the bigger person here!¡±


    Instinctively, Alice reached for a patch of mushrooms poking out of the sand. Grasping the fungus and giving the once-caterpillar a triumphant glance, she bit the entire right half of the mushroom.


    The lights that had twinkled in Alice¡¯s eyes now seemed intent on boring through them. She squeezed them shut and began to tumble about, colors scarring her line of vision as tears streaked down her face. The leaves of the trees below shuffled relentlessly against her thighs while the sand rolled helplessly underneath her feet. Alice hoped that she wouldn¡¯t fall lest she crush the entire countryside under her weight. ¡®Nobody would be pleased if I were to interrupt the wedding of the century,¡¯ she thought. ¡®Then again, nobody has been altogether pleased with me lately. Oh, now I¡¯m much too big for anyone to be pleased with! If only there were some way of reaching out and finding one creature that might just listen to me for once!¡¯


    As the thoughts made her grow progressively melancholy, Alice caught sight of a small speck darting across a nearby hill. The pattern was curiously erratic, almost as though the creature was frantically trying to look for something--but only trying. Leaning over as far as she could manage, Alice put out her massive hand, her fingers as large as tree branches. The flustered creature paused, seeming to abandon all resistance while approaching the hand cautiously and tiptoeing along Alice¡¯s pointer finger. Going as slow as possible, Alice brought her hand back up, trying to give the creature the sweetest expression she could. Her thoughts suddenly ran to Ethan Lent and his kind eyes. Before Alice could wonder what that boy was up to at the moment, she squinted and realized that the creature in her palm was going to be very late indeed.

 The Teeth of the Storm

    ¡°Hello, old friend,¡± Alice gently whispered, reasoning that she might cause a landslide if she spoke any louder.


    The spectacled creature stared up blankly at Alice, shivering as he did so. Alice had never seen him looking so fearful.


    ¡°Don¡¯t be scared,¡± Alice cooed. ¡°Are you really scared of me? Do I really look like a monster?¡±


    The white rabbit now looked away, seemingly disinterested with Alice, and lay down flat on his back. It appeared that he had resigned himself to a most unfortunate fate that he misunderstood to be inevitable. ¡®Surely,¡¯ Alice thought, ¡®he doesn¡¯t think that I¡¯m going to eat him or something completely unfortunate such as that! Ah, but can I truly say anything that will make him believe me? If only I could get him to speak to me in return!¡¯


    The white rabbit almost seemed keen on falling asleep. Carefully moving one hand down to scratch a sudden itch at her side (the sun was going down and the coming cold stirred an unfamiliar uneasiness in Alice), Alice slowly heaved her hand up so as to fling the white rabbit a few inches into the air, intent on keeping him awake. He certainly flew upwards, but as he landed back on her palm, a slightly crinkled piece of paper flew out of his pocket. A breeze caught the paper, dragging it just barely out of his flustered reach. As it glided toward her face, Alice instinctively put up her hand, snatching the paper between her thumb & pointer fingertip. Squinting with interest, she scanned the faint scribbling:


    M.A¡­why, M.A.? Why have you gone and left me? Why does time stand so still? Why is everything so senseless now, M.A.?


    For all her squinting, Alice didn¡¯t notice the periods placed throughout the lines of questioning. An even greater concern--a certain maternal rush of some sort, she supposed--had come over her. She looked back down at the white rabbit, an increasingly somber creature who appeared to have given up all hope altogether. His loneliness tugged at Alice¡¯s heart; she began to realize just how lonely and senseless everything felt around her. Night had fallen (if it really was night) and Alice couldn¡¯t make out any of the strange creatures she had encountered that series of days and nights. For all her size, this world seemed to be far too large to make any sense. Alice reasoned sadly that if she hadn¡¯t a friend, she at least had someone she knew, someone who felt the same as she did, and that should be a comfort. She wanted the white rabbit to pat her hand and to give her sympathy, but it seemed as though Alice wouldn¡¯t even feel such a pat. Everything was up to her--that is, she simply didn¡¯t deem it reasonable to entertain any other notion.


    Alice lowered the piece of paper within reach of the white rabbit. Hesitantly, he reached up and tugged the paper back with his tiny paws, folding it meticulously and cramming it back into his pocket with certain hurriedness. Alice smiled softly, gently running a massive finger over the white rabbit¡¯s fragile frame. He flinched, but slowly relented, sitting down and removing his spectacles to clean them as though this whole gesture didn¡¯t matter very much at all. Something in Alice suggested that she knew better, however. ¡®You¡¯re a very kind and lovely creature, even if you¡¯re still rather curious,¡¯ she thought. ¡®After all, you¡¯re only looking for a MA, someone who can make everything sensible again. How queer it is that I should be your MA for now! And yet, I¡¯ll do what I can for you. This only seems¡­¡¯


    Alice thought that ¡®fair¡¯ was the proper word at first, but she suddenly began to have doubts. If she was being honest, ¡®fair¡¯ wasn¡¯t the proper word at all. The white rabbit had done nothing out of the ordinary (although his very existence certainly was such) to warrant any affectionate response from Alice. He simply ¡®was,¡¯ and this very act of being moved Alice to watch over him, to look down on him with protective care. It was definitely more than anyone she had encountered so far had done; why, they all seemed to be nothing but garbled words and curious desires! She had said that she was the bigger person, after all. Perhaps they would only see it as Alice towered above them, but she secretly longed to make it more apparent in her stride. After all, it wasn¡¯t fair of them to treat her with such disregard, yet she supposed it wasn¡¯t fair of her to dwarf them all by a lucky appetite. There was another word for it, a word that continued to escape her, to stir a hunger in her¡­


    Just as Alice began to feel a nagging in her stomach, she began to hear what sounded like a pesky fly buzzing around her ear. Glancing as far as she could manage, Alice realized that the winged creature near her head wasn¡¯t a bug at all, but what looked like a crow wearing a vest. He hopped and fluttered around, constantly throwing up small flurries of feathers. Sitting down on the inside of Alice¡¯s ear and letting his talons dangle, the bird seemed perfectly content to merely grin and turn his head this way & that, jubilantly taking in the view of the stars that had begun to wear down on Alice¡¯s eyes.


    ¡°Why, this is just what I needed!¡± the jolly bird exclaimed. ¡°What a perch! What a perfect rehearsal spot!¡±


    Alice began to open her mouth in order to tell the crow to shoo, but he opened his own mouth and cawed a rather sharp little rhapsody:


    From up here, I can see


    Everything revolving


    Around equa-li-ty,


    Just as all¡¯s meant to be.


    If I¡¯d make all as clear


    As this all is up here,


    How I¡¯d be loved and feared--


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.How the crowds all would cheer!


    Not a thing could repress,


    For my views all are best!


    All this sameness attests


    They ought to be impressed!


    We¡¯re all one under me,


    Save for one subtle fee:


    If they¡¯ve no offering,


    They¡¯re not my company!


    The crow¡¯s grin remained as though he was fully convinced that he¡¯d ventured into a hefty philosophical realm. To Alice, however, it was all noise. She strained to reach over and flick the bird out of her ear, but at that same moment, she felt a tickling on the back of her neck. Although she couldn¡¯t see it, a sizeable cricket had hopped his way up her leg and back completely unnoticed. Growing tired of relying on his own compositions, he seized a few strands of Alice¡¯s hair and began to strum them with true dedication. So true, in fact, that the entire scenario was beginning to put Alice through a great deal of inconvenient pain. All this misread music being composed around her only furthered her frustration and her hunger. How could she drive these creatures away with the white rabbit in her hand, much less eat?


    With all of her thoughts colliding at once, Alice could only manage one situationally sensible solution. Looking down apologetically at the white rabbit (who by now had grown somewhat impatient with Alice¡¯s attempts at affection), she gripped the creature carefully between her fingers and raised him to her lips. As the rabbit continued to struggle, Alice closed her mouth on the creature¡¯s middle, trying to give him enough space to breathe while his head was forced to rest against Alice¡¯s teeth. With her hands finally free, she flung her mighty fingers at the furry fiends around her. The crow flapped lazily away, curving around just enough to grasp the currently soaring cricket in his talons. ¡°What a lovely turn of events!¡± the bird cawed happily. ¡°I had an audience! You, my fine fellow! You¡¯ll be my testimony, hear hear! Let us depart, for there are many executions to be made!¡±


    As the bird & bug galumphed on the midnight air, Alice aimed and spat the white rabbit back into her palms. ¡®What an unfortunate turn of events,¡¯ she thought to herself. ¡®I can¡¯t manage a word of protest to anything in this curious place! To think, I could¡¯ve eaten the poor white rabbit! Oh, where can someone as grown as me find suitable food?¡¯


    As the white rabbit ruffled out his mussed clothes disapprovingly, Alice let her eyes wander, blinking periodically to adjust to the fluctuating twinkling in the sky around her. One glorious light, however, seemed to beam down at Alice no matter how tightly she closed her eyes. Gazing up as much as she could manage, Alice noticed that the light had the inviting color of a Danish butter cookie. Leaning over as far as she could without knocking over any nearby trees, Alice reached out and touched the light. It felt reasonably firm and light enough to hold. As she pulled the light in closer, everything began to dim to the point where she could get a better look at it. Amidst this navy darkness, this cloak of silence over a world ready to rustle at sunup, this object had the look & feel of an actual cookie. Letting her hunger and excitement overwhelm the fact that she was actually holding the moon (it would have been far too curious of a concept to even consider), Alice closed her eyes and took a long, contemplative bite. It tasted enticingly sweet, breaking off to make a perfect crescent shape in what was left. That was when Alice began her descent.


    Gushing waves suddenly seemed to rumble against her legs as Alice shot downward. The trees began to tower over her with a rapid intensity. She glanced about with desperate worry, fearing that she had dropped the white rabbit upon returning to her normal size. Thankfully, the creature had managed to cushion his fall against a series of leafy expanses from the surrounding trees. As he attempted to hoist himself upright, water seemed to rage against him as well. Alice realized that the two were in the middle of a storm, a rain that had forced itself directly against them from every side save above and below. Gusts blew here and there, sending Alice¡¯s hair into a frenzy. The droplets flew against her like bullets, echoing with the sound and ferocity of a great & terrible gnashing of teeth. Time itself seemed to be flailing against her. Straining to see through the night, Alice saw a large clunky object fall out of the white rabbit¡¯s pocket, a massive protrusion that she hadn¡¯t noticed before. It was a deep black box, barely noticeable against the dark navy backdrop save the shimmering red characters that stood illuminated on its face: 8:12. This writing was completely indecipherable to Alice at first, but as the rain splattered against her legs, it felt as though a spark went off in her head. This must be the white rabbit¡¯s replacement for his pocket-watch, the only object that Alice knew he carried--or, perhaps, once carried. Was this truly supposed to be--time?


    All at once, the digits on the box began to flicker violently, shuffling about faster than a deck of cards. The white rabbit hastily gathered up the strange box and, giving Alice a look of fearful warning, scampered off into the night.


    ¡°Oh, please don¡¯t go! Please come back!¡± Alice called out, trying to chase the creature through the storm, but it was no good. The white rabbit had already stolen into the night with his massive black box. Feeling utterly despondent despite a full stomach, Alice sank to the ground in a wave of sadness. ¡°I suppose I¡¯ll have to settle for being soaked to the bone,¡± she sighed, ¡°soaked all alone without so much as an umbrella. What a terrible time to be alone!¡± The rain batted against Alice¡¯s tears as she put her hands up to her face in defeat. The wind howled around her, the trees whispered fiercely to one another, and the sand mixed with the dirt & fallen leaves to create a despicable looking mud. Alice sobbed and rested against a tree, silently hoping that this experience wouldn¡¯t dirty her as much as she thought it would.


    As she began to pull her hands away from her face to get a better look at them, light suddenly began to pour in between her fingers. The rain stopped, trickling down in a few more half-hearted drops against Alice¡¯s feet. The sunrise began to break through the dark navy around her, but that wasn¡¯t what caught Alice¡¯s eye. She found herself positively captured by a creature standing nearby, a creature all too like her and yet hardly like her at all. Alice stared at this beautiful figure, abandoning everything she had every been told about courtesy. In light of such an incredible sight, courteousness was just an afterthought, as was everything else that Alice had just encountered. She nestled herself in this glorious moment, this innocent gazing, not even beginning to imagine what would come after this thought.

 In Part for the Bird

    It was nothing short of nearly absolute magnificence. This girl, this living & breathing epitome of perfect beauty--Alice got chills simply looking at her. A cascade of shimmering brown hair tumbled over her shoulders, her emerald dress sparkling with more radiance than the stars that had left after-spots in Alice¡¯s line of vision. The girl¡¯s skin was purer and cleaner than anything else Alice had ever attempted to imagine, each pore seemingly free of any unease or lack of symmetry. She was a creature nearly too beautiful for words.


    And yet, looking to Alice with a smile suggesting a satisfaction (almost a salvation) finally obtained after an entire lifetime¡¯s worth or searching, she still had words.


    ¡°You. You made this happen¡­you brought this here for me.¡±


    The girl began to approach Alice, who found herself shuddering with excitement but relaxing the moment the girl put one gentle hand on her cheek and another on her waist, dragging her fingers slowly with a comforting consolation and looking honestly into her eyes. The girl¡¯s own glowed with a twinkling milky chocolate tint that started an even deeper hunger in the pit of Alice¡¯s stomach, one that seemed to crawl all the way to her heart.


    ¡°Thank--¡±


    ¡°Yoo-hoo! You! Who?¡±


    Snapping her head in the direction of the unpleasantly grounding voice, Alice caught sight of the vest-wearing crow bird that had previously made his pulpit in her ear. He was far more sizeable than she would¡¯ve guessed, hopping about and stirring up a great deal of black feathers with every over-eager hop that he made, trying fruitlessly to reach the sky and not thinking a thing of it.


    ¡°Oi! I say, madam, have you no words for the imaginary?¡±


    Doing her best to ignore the uselessly lunging crow, Alice turned back to face her glorious companion. Sadly, in the time that Alice had looked away, the girl had undergone a considerable change. She looked wrought with stresses & troubles now, dressed in the sickly black of a mourner that set a heavy shadow against the rising sun. Her hair had turned deeply morose & reflectively ebony, her eyes now as empty as two holes. Still, something in her expression seemed reassuring to Alice, as though this was only temporary. As Alice blinked out of surprised disappointment, the girl appeared to vanish entirely--but not before leaving a small object in Alice¡¯s pocket what looked like the trace of an ¡®i¡¯ with a small curve at the bottom, a character that seemed to compliment the character of the girl herself.


    ¡°Gah, ¡®sen¡¯t matter at the moment! You, who, who?¡±


    Alice began to feel an outright resurfacing of her prior frustration with the once-caterpillar. ¡°If you want to know who I am, you¡¯d best--¡±


    The crow cawed a ludicrous series of cough-like laughs. ¡°My gumdrop, I needn¡¯t know who you are! S¡¯just one of those inquires guaranteed to get your attention; proven fact, you know! No, I¡¯m content with knowing just what you are!¡±


    ¡°Human?¡± Alice replied with a hint of sarcasm.


    ¡°¡¯Ould never have crossed m¡¯mind!¡± the crow continued loudly, slapping a feathery wing (or, as Alice thought, a desperately underdeveloped excuse for a wing) on Alice¡¯s back. ¡°Nah, you, my gumdrop, have taken time into your hands and given us one hereby-and-by, yessir! That was our cleanest trial by far, far enough even from your number on the Imaginary! You are hereby the Chairman of the Board of Vice Presidents of Standing Affairs!¡±


    The whole phrase sounded too long to Alice to be regal. ¡°And of what importance is that, exactly?¡±


    ¡°S¡¯of all the importance you can manage!¡± the crow cackled. ¡°Come! S¡¯time to begin the next phase of the gathering! We want to make as much progress as we can before the century turns ¡®self around, you hear?¡±


    A spark of realization went off in Alice as the crow began to tug her along. ¡°I don¡¯t suppose this would have anything to do with the ¡®wedding of the century?¡¯¡±


    ¡°Only so!¡± replied the crow. ¡°And please, my gumdrop, call me Dowe! Flows better with the rhyme, y¡¯know?¡±


    Alice sighed, considering that she could do very little to escape this bird no matter what size she was. Glancing over her shoulder as the hardly-winged creature dragged her along, Alice caught sight of a puddle that she hadn¡¯t seen in the area before. Granted, this puddle wasn¡¯t like any puddle she¡¯d ever seen before, not even in a series of days & nights. The water glowed with all the glorious orange of early morning and serene twilight. The whole sky around it seemed to be perpetually lit with the same inviting and reassuring shine. Alice reached out her free hand, wanting to just touch the water, to taste it and quench the sudden thirst that had swirled in against her hunger. She didn¡¯t know how long she stared at the puddle, but by the time she turned around again, she was out of the woods and in an entirely different expanse all together.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.


    There were two grand buildings facing each other, almost suggesting that there ought to be a hallway in between them. To the right was a tall and confidently decorated church; the house reached for the sky with pointed towers worthy of a palace. In the center of the arch that held a doorway was a tantalizing mosaic that sent Alice¡¯s eyes spinning like a kaleidoscope. The door was a rich crimson, an incredibly curious color that seemed to draw everything in as though everything that came out was a beautiful song. To the left was a long and unassuming courthouse; the office spread in a number of directions, covering as much as it pleased but hardly an inch more. Its doors were wide and faded brown, a relic of whatever law stood here stood for. Alice yearned for the church and its mosaic (which had become a sort of eye to Alice, an eye that observed her soul in a disapproving yet encouraging light), but Dowe the crow pulled her in the other direction.


    ¡°S¡¯shame, y¡¯know? Here I go looking for suitable chairmen, but not one can support himself! You, my gumdrop, are the first in so long to take part in your own title, to claim your chair as your throne!¡±


    ¡°Beg pardon?¡± Alice said, her hand still longingly outstretched.


    ¡°Gah, ¡®ave¡¯you been attenti-ti-ti-tive?¡± Dowe stammered with an embarrassed rush. ¡°S¡¯important, important that we cover all the bases before the wedding of the century! We haven¡¯t all the time in the--specs!¡±


    Following his sudden bursting of dissatisfied squawking, Alice noticed a shiny object fly out of Dowe¡¯s vest pocket and into her open outstretched hand. It looked like a coin, but it felt considerably heavier, as though it was a solid piece of flattened stone. She began to inspect it further, but the crow¡¯s caws called her to attention as the pair now stood in front of the courthouse. Do stared Alice down with self-righteous authority.


    ¡°The last time I let ol¡¯ specs in here, he hadn¡¯t a fee! He made a fool of me and my charity!¡±


    ¡°The white rab--hare?¡± Alice asked, closing her hand around the coin while trying to think of suitable alternatives for rabbit (much to her nagging displeasure).


    ¡°Not everything is black and white, my gumdrop,¡± Do replied sternly. ¡°Sometimes, everything is all black or all white!¡± He suddenly grinned at Alice. ¡°And you seem to be well aware of this! Why, you¡¯re jus¡¯s¡¯perfect as I observed! Still, that does not exempt you from your fee!¡±


    He expectantly opened one of his wings. Alice smiled to herself and opened her own hand. ¡°Maybe this will do.¡±


    Dowe¡¯s eyes gleamed as he snatched the coin out of Alice¡¯s hand. ¡°By jovelry, you¡¯re going perfect on all pillars! You¡¯re the future of the tail end, my gumdrop! I should let you in first--no, wait, no I shouldn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Come again?¡± Alice replied.


    ¡°See,¡± Dowe said, clearing his throat, ¡°I am the most impartial creature that has ever been considered in the circle of partial¡¯ty. I¡¯m far off, far above any other¡¯s guidance or reprieve! I hold no author¡¯ty in any decision, which makes me the greatest decision maker of all unmade decisions! I cannot be held accountable because I hold all accounts equally!¡±


    ¡°That hardly qualifies--¡± Alice began, but Dowe went right on squawking.


    ¡°Truly, truly, I leave all up to a most natural will!¡± The crow raised his stubby wing triumphantly, balancing the coin with perfectly precision. As the rising sun beamed down and illuminated the coin, causing a series of sparkling trails to be drawn along Alice¡¯s line of vision, the crow flicked his wing and eagerly watched the coin fall. It landed with a sharp echo on the courthouse steps, depicting a tail that curved with the same rigid acuteness as the courthouse.


    ¡°After me,¡± the crow grinned, scooping up the coin and slinking his way into the courthouse.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­being impartial?¡± Alice wondered aloud, cocking her head.


    ¡°Why, perfectly so!¡± Dowe replied gleefully. ¡°Don¡¯t you know, my gumdrop? The only way to be perfectly impartial is to let something else be partial for you!¡±


    Alice shook her head and began to move forward, pondering just how impossible it was to reason with any of the creatures she had encountered thus far--any of the creatures, that is, except the mysterious girl. Alice wondered with such longing where the girl had gotten to and if they would ever see each other again. The girl had such kindness in her eyes, a kindness that seemed familiar to Alice and yet all the more genuine given the girl¡¯s indescribable beauty. As her thoughts danced lovingly around, Alice suddenly remembered the girl¡¯s fingers at her waist, tracing back to the same spot with such anticipation.


    Alice found her anticipation turn to something more alarming as she felt a tear in her dress, a tear along her pocket that was too perfectly drawn out to be accidental. ¡®Oh, good heavens!¡¯ she thought. ¡®This was a good dress, a new and freshly washed one! Why can¡¯t I take care of anything that matters to me? I¡¯m always being dragged along by one thing or another; it¡¯s too easy to get lost in the mix of things and lose sight of what matters! Maybe I¡¯ll be able to find someone sensible enough to mend this tear in the courthouse. After all, lawmen are supposed to be sensible¡­but then, if this world is so insensible, what are the lawmen really like?¡¯


    The cloud of thoughts was rudely interrupted as Alice bumped face-first into the faded courthouse door. She pushed and pulled at the knob with no success. She knocked on the door, waited, and then pounded on the door with great urgency. Not a movement nor a sound was seen or heard. The door seemed absolutely locked.


    ¡°What a useless bird!¡± Alice moaned, sagging against the door in defeat.


    ¡°You are useless,¡± a familiar voice called out, ¡°but only because you type yourself as a bird! There¡¯s no compatibil¡¯ty! If you want to make your way in, you must include your own road, your own stream to sail on! We all have one, c¡¯est la vie! You see?¡±


    ¡°C!¡± Alice perked up, catching sight of the chatty curved creature.


    ¡°¡¯Twas a real conundrum,¡± C continued, happily rolling towards Alice, ¡°you setting your bounds to such high values until you were able to consume the Lune! The tides were yours to control, and you used them to bring me back here after so long! For this gesture of the utmost demanding serv¡¯tude, I am thoroughly thankful, you see?¡±


    Alice threw her arms around C¡¯s thin body. ¡°For now, I certainly believe what I see.¡±


    C wiggled around Alice until he was perched on her shoulders. ¡°Onward, companion! If we can¡¯t get in here, we¡¯ll brutishly force our way around! ¡®Tis a laborious but s¡¯tuationally successful solution, you see?¡±


    Not giving much thought to C¡¯s rambling and a great deal more to his presence, Alice began a curiously informative walk around the courthouse.

 Courting the Chairmen

    Although the courthouse appeared to extend for quite a distance, C made short work of the excursion, rolling to the far right end and bouncing impatiently in the grass as Alice, her dress still drying from the earlier storm and her head still reeling from being pulled this way and that by the crow, took her sweet time as she carefully made her way after C. At any moment, Alice thought she might simply fall over and go to sleep, but the idea struck her as both queer and dangerous, although she couldn¡¯t put her finger on why.


    As she passed by the courthouse, Alice noticed a strange figure behind a slightly fogged window. This fellow had a long and rather pompous looking face, sporting a long and thin mustache that bounced at its ends with severe curls. Alice hadn¡¯t so much as glanced at him before he threw the window open and pointed a long and bony finger in her face.


    ¡°Well, I say, ¡®twasn¡¯t a suitable endeavor for you-hoo, now, ¡®twas?¡± he wheezed.


    ¡°What was?¡± Alice asked.


    ¡°You ask the wrong question,¡± the man hacked impatiently, the lavender gemstones on his earrings jingling as he wheezed. ¡°¡¯Twasn¡¯t, didn¡¯t you hear? What can you gain by asking ¡®twas?¡±


    ¡°But you asked first!¡± Alice replied.


    ¡°I have something to gain,¡± the man replied indignantly, ¡°but you already have everything! You can only lose from here! ¡®Twill not be yours, if you-hoo can make sense of the tense, foolish girl.¡±


    ¡°What won¡¯t be mine?¡± Alice stood her ground, finding it difficult to get completely irritated at a man who looked so silly.


    ¡°If you have to ask,¡± the man said, ¡°then you oughtn¡¯t haven¡¯t at all! Rules, rules! We¡¯re better off without them!¡±


    Alice suddenly got a sneaky idea. ¡°Fancy that, you disregarding rules at a courthouse.¡±


    ¡°Come again?¡± the earring-man perked up, his mustache bouncing at the ends.


    ¡°A courthouse is built upon the purpose of upholding laws,¡± Alice said triumphantly, ¡°or rules, if you prefer. If a courthouse can¡¯t be a place of sensible and prudent justice, then courthouses might as well not exist.¡±


    ¡°You-hoo are an idiot,¡± the man replied, ¡°that much I can read.¡±


    ¡°Wha--read?¡± Alice shot back, now considerably angered by this demeaning fellow.


    ¡°Well, ¡®tis all in my name, Dr. Mint Reader!¡± the man wheezed.


    ¡°Mint¡­do you mean ¡®mind?¡¯¡± Alice wondered.


    ¡°I know exactly what I mean!¡± the doctor seethed. ¡°Who are you to think for me?¡±


    The question struck a nerve in Alice, but she managed to maintain her composure against the flamboyant doctor. ¡°You should know, being a mind-reader and all, that I have to think for you or you won¡¯t be able to do your job very well.¡±


    Dr. Mint Reader began to turning purple with frustration, matching his earrings. ¡°Do you-hoo honestly expect me to read you in full? You¡¯re nothing but a closed book! I can only guess with a six percent likelihood of correction.¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯re a very poor mind reader indeed,¡± Alice grinned, turning her back on the man.


    ¡°I am significantly skilled,¡± the doctor spat. ¡°Besides, you haven¡¯t got anything worth reading. Why, you¡¯ll merely fall asleep and start this all over again! You¡¯re a broken record!¡±


    Alice turned back. ¡°And what exactly am I starting over, doctor?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you-hoo want to know,¡± the doctor wheezed. ¡°Otherwise, you wouldn¡¯t be so difficult!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re the one who¡¯s being difficult!¡± Alice exclaimed.


    The doctor slammed the window shut, emitting a creaky coughing sound as he did. Alice took a deep breath and let it out slowly before turning back to follow C and finding herself face to face with a misty blue-eyed tall and thin creature adorned from head to toe in white fur with brown streaks--or was it brown fur with white streaks?


    ¡°Hello, hello!¡± the creature said with a child-like enthusiasm, snuggling up against Alice. ¡°Tell me, tell me, would you like a rose?¡±


    Alice opened her mouth to reply, but began hacking as badly as the doctor had. The smell of this creature was overpoweringly pungent.


    ¡°I would certainly fancy a rose,¡± Alice replied through short, laborious breaths.


    ¡°Fantastic! Wait, wait, I won¡¯t be long!¡± the creature scurried away like a ferret (it actually was a ferret, but Alice had never seen a ferret before, much less one with such an innocently humane face), moseying through the grass at a seemingly impossible speed. Alice hadn¡¯t a moment to think before it returned with a blade of grass in its tiny hand. ¡°I know where¡¯t grows! I found, I found you a rose!¡±Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    Alice smiled politely and took the blade of grass from the creature. ¡°Do you have a name?¡± she struggled to ask.


    ¡°Ferrabech,¡± the creature nodded with a jubilant grin.


    ¡°Well, Ferrabech,¡± Alice replied weakly, ¡°I truly hate to disappoint you, but this isn¡¯t a rose. This is a blade of grass.¡±


    Ferrabech¡¯s grin disappeared as she raised an eyebrow. ¡°Blade of grass?¡± She snatched it from Alice and took a deep whiff. ¡°Oh, just not the same! Sorry, sorry, do let me try again!¡±


    Ferrabech tossed the grass aside and scurried through the field, taking a little longer to search diligently before returning with another blade of grass. ¡°This is better than those! I found, I found you a rose!¡±


    Alice smiled politely once again, barely able to breathe from being around the odor. ¡°You should smell that and see if that¡¯s actually a rose.¡±


    Ferrabech inhaled deeply. ¡°Oh, what a day, what a day! This isn¡¯t a rose, just not the same! Oh, do let me try again!¡±


    Alice quickly put a hand on Ferrabech¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Maybe you should look over there instead,¡± she said, pointing to the left side of the courthouse.


    Ferrabech¡¯s blue eyes gleamed. ¡°Of course, of course! I¡¯ll be back, be sure of that!¡±


    As Ferrabech took off in a new direction, Alice began to run after C, feeling impolite that she had left him waiting for so long yet discouraged that she had to leave Ferrabech behind. The creature was kind and earnest enough, but her odor was far too overwhelming to handle. Alice hadn¡¯t taken more than five steps before Ferrabech bumped into her from behind, eagerly waving a fluffy dandelion. ¡°I found, I found! I know by my nose that this is a rose!¡±


    Without a word from Alice, Ferrabech inhaled deeply, so much so that the entire flower shot up her pink button nose.


    ¡°My goodness, are you alright?¡± Alice asked, grimacing from the scent.


    Ferrabech opened her mouth to answer, but only unleashed a massive sneeze. She shot directly into Alice¡¯s stomach, sending the two tumbling through the grassy field and rolling down until they hit a bump with such great force that the bump was dislodged from the ground. When Alice finally managed to look up (realizing that she now must¡¯ve smelled quite horrible indeed), she saw that the bump was none other than C.


    ¡°Well, fancy your timing!¡± C exclaimed. ¡°I dug myself a hole, but that isn¡¯t even the whole matter, though an entire matter of another regard completely, you see?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just glad that I was able to free you,¡± Alice said, standing up and brushing herself off. ¡°I¡¯m sorry that I got held up.¡±


    ¡°Why, you look as though you haven¡¯t lost a thing!¡± C continued. ¡°Your size has decreased, but I find¡¯t hard to believe that anyone but you could take such a thing from you! After all, you¡¯ve too many layers to erase, you see?¡±


    Alice didn¡¯t quite grasp this, but she didn¡¯t need to consider it further. A symphonic bell tolled, reverberating against the grand orange glow of the setting sun. Everything seemed to hang on that moment, a ringing that stirred every heart that longed to hear it. Alice found herself dreaming of the puddle, that simple patch of shimmering water that seemed to be full of promises, full of satisfied thirst. Her throat began to tickle as the bell continued to echo, causing Ferrabech to make a mad dash for the back of the courthouse.


    ¡°Eight, eight, we¡¯ve only just eight!¡± C said with alarm, taking hold of Alice¡¯s arm. ¡°Come along, we must hurry!¡±


    ¡°But we haven¡¯t eaten anything!¡± Alice protested, feeling exasperated with the hunger that was piling atop her thirst.


    ¡°There will be plenty to eat in good time,¡± C replied, ¡°but the law comes before bread, at least in this house of trials. ¡®Tis only sensible, you see?¡±


    Before Alice could answer, she caught sight of a curious creature curled up in some run-down shrubbery. It seemed to resemble a 3, but its body was considerably inverted. It lay shivering even under a beam of setting sunlight, helpless and--useless.


    Alice began to feel uneasy. ¡°What on earth is that?¡±


    ¡°¡¯Tis a mystery,¡± C said, not even pausing to look at the creature, ¡°a mystery on this earth of yours and just about everywhere else. A universal mystery that hasn¡¯t even a verse! Nobody would explore such a theory so deeply save the crow--¡±


    As the pair reached the back of the courthouse (where there was merely an opening without a door), C finally paused and stared at Alice with sudden realization. ¡°--and, perhaps, you.¡±


    ¡°Me?¡± Alice wondered.


    ¡°Why, that¡¯s how you came here, I do believe,¡± C pondered. ¡°You thought that dividing was your way out, but now you¡¯ve gotten yourself into something else entirely. First out, first in--why, you¡¯ve turned the theory on the theory¡¯s very head!¡±


    ¡°What theory?¡± Alice asked, starting to feel dismayed by her scent, her famished stomach, and all these questions.


    ¡°The theory,¡± a voice echoed, ¡°that my brother doesn¡¯t know what he theorizes. ¡®Tis expected with only half a brain.¡±


    Alice turned to face this creature: he had C¡¯s exact body type, but in reverse, almost like a backwards parenthesis. ¡°Well, aren¡¯t you rude!¡±


    ¡°I am not,¡± the creature replied flatly.


    ¡°But you are Cero!¡± C cried happily, embracing the creature¡¯s spindly body. ¡°We are brothers, someday to be none!¡±


    ¡°Not like--boz?¡± Cero asked.


    ¡°Gah!¡± C suddenly raged. ¡°That rabble-rouser & his brother! They¡¯re¡¯n¡¯t symbols! They¡¯re constructs! They will never be none, unlike us!


    ¡°None?¡± Alice asked in disbelief.


    ¡°We certainly can¡¯t be one,¡± Cero replied curtly.


    ¡°We can¡¯t even be none,¡± C interjected, struggling to align his body with Cero¡¯s. It proved to be useless as the two brothers simply fell apart. ¡°You see? There¡¯s no connection. We¡¯re just not fitting correctly.¡±


    ¡°Not in the least!¡± Cero said indignantly. ¡°¡¯Tis all her fault, don¡¯t you see? She put us in this undefined state. Garbage in, garbage out.¡±


    Alice began to feel frustrated again. ¡°What exactly am I being accused of?¡±


    ¡°Accused?¡± C exclaimed, returning to Alice¡¯s side and pulling her along while Cero followed slowly behind. ¡°Why, you¡¯re an accuser! You make the call, you see? You¡¯re a chairman now, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Alice thought for a moment. ¡°Well, the last time I saw the crow, he declared that I¡¯m the Chairman of the Board of Vice Presidents of Standing Affairs.¡±


    C¡¯s perky eyes shone with awe. ¡°Standing affairs? We haven¡¯t had such a chairman in days! You¡¯ll get a fearsome chair for sure!¡± He put his face directly against Alice¡¯s. ¡°And I shall be on your right side!¡±


    Ignoring the seemingly meaningless remark, Alice (with some humiliation in her voice) asked, ¡°C, do I¡­smell queer to you?¡±


    C grinned. ¡°To me? Who knows? C¡¯est la vie!¡±


    Realizing that C wasn¡¯t equipped with a nose of his own, Alice nodded, took as deep of a breath as she could, and entered the courthouse.

 Cat-in-the-Box

    To her disbelief--or perhaps her relief--Alice saw nothing in the back of the courthouse but a wide room with a smooth table circled by a collection of chairs. They towered high with a great and looming authority, almost inspiring monarchy amongst all of the tenants in the room. A good deal of the chairs was already occupied: Dowe had his wings folded patiently, the cricket just barely peeked over the table, Dr. Mint Reader tapped his finger impatiently, and Ferrabech sat fidgeting eagerly, her misty blue eyes darting this way and that. Alice made her way to an empty seat (strategically as far away from the crow as she could manage) but couldn¡¯t shake the increasingly dank air around her. This seemed to be more than Ferrabech¡¯s doing.


    ¡°N-how then,¡± Dowe squawked, ¡°¡¯ere¡¯s only one person we ought¡¯a¡¯rec¡¯nize before goin¡¯bout business as usual. Let¡¯s all give a big round of applause to--¡±


    Instinctively, Alice paused by the side of her seat and curtseyed while C and Cero sat down, eyeing her curiously.


    ¡°Aye, gum-drop!¡± the crow squawked with a sudden piercing fury. ¡°What are you trying to bring down on us? You can¡¯t turn the spotlight before your turn; y¡¯aven¡¯t a turn otherwise!¡±


    Alice bit her lip, quickly and quietly debating over how to proceed. ¡°You said you were going to give a round of applause to a person--¡±


    ¡°You-hoo are an idiot,¡± Dr. Mint Reader scolded. ¡°That¡¯s not at all what he said.¡±


    ¡°You put words in his mouth before putting them in his head,¡± C noted, ¡°¡¯tis not wise to run something without i-ni-tialization, you see?¡±


    Alice sighed in defeat and slumped into her chair, taken aback by how pleasantly comfortable it felt.


    ¡°Where was I?¡± the crow pondered. ¡°Ah yes! Let¡¯s all give a big round of applause to myself for another successful execution of a composition!¡±


    One at a time, each board member clapped around the table. Alice just barely managed a clap of her own, growing gradually sleepier and sleepier.


    ¡°Many thanks,¡± the crow bowed with a seemingly faux-sheepishness. ¡°And now, for before ¡®twas--wait, hoards of fours--ah, doors! I¡¯ve gone and lost my sense of direction!¡±


    The cricket scuttled over and tugged at the crow¡¯s head, turning it all about. ¡°Found the sense yet?¡±


    ¡°False.¡±


    ¡°Now?¡±


    ¡°Negative.¡±


    ¡°Here?¡±


    ¡°Hardly.¡±


    ¡°Yonder?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± Dowe exclaimed, sending the cricket flying back into his seat. ¡°Let us rec¡¯nize this person¡¯ere! Personally, I¡¯aven¡¯t seen such a person, but surely I¡¯ve known¡¯im!¡±


    ¡°But you don¡¯t recognize him?¡± Cero droned.


    ¡°I already have!¡± the crow sounded incredibly frustrated all of a sudden. ¡°¡¯Tis your turn! Don¡¯t come looking to me for recogn¡¯tion when y¡¯can¡¯t manage any!¡±


    ¡°But you can¡¯t give us any proof that you recognize him?¡± Cero continued.


    ¡°¡¯Tis your turn!¡± the bird seethed.


    While the argument brewed further, Alice shook herself awake and took a good look at this person. He was a disheveled looking young man with stark black hair that had been tussled with the utmost carelessness. His hands were folded calmly over his chest, almost as though he had fallen asleep in mid-prayer--or fallen asleep for good.


    ¡°¡¯Tis Doyll,¡± C commented quietly to Alice.


    ¡°Doyll?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s always here, but he doesn¡¯t do much,¡± C commented further. ¡°¡¯Tis as though he doesn¡¯t run time, but time runs him--or, rather, runs from him. You see?¡±


    He chuckled to himself as Alice brushed off the comments as just another set meaningless cryptic jabs. Still, she found herself taken in by this Doyll: what good did it do to sleep through this? ¡®How queer it is to be asleep in this--¡¯ Alice thought she had the word, but it started to dart about fiercely in her head, coming out in small hiccups: ¡®--dr--re--ea--mmmmm--¡¯


    ¡°What are you-hoo, starving?¡± the doctor broke Alice¡¯s trance.


    ¡°No, I--¡±


    ¡°Tell us now,¡± the crow eyed her sternly. ¡°What¡¯ve¡¯y¡¯got that we¡¯aven¡¯t?¡±


    Alice let her mind stray back & forth for a moment. ¡°The last thing I remember eating¡­bright and sweet--¡±Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    Dowe suddenly fluttered his stubby wings with utter joy. ¡°By jovelry, you¡¯ve jogged me back to impartial¡¯ty! By the fairest of all chances, I¡¯ve devised the greatest division that ever gave such dividends!¡±


    Alice recalled the gnarled creature outside the courthouse. ¡°Are you referring to--¡±


    ¡°And on that note, our attention oughtn¡¯t be divided further! Why, we surely shan¡¯t have any left!¡±


    ¡°Precisely!¡± C chirped.


    ¡°If not accurately,¡± Cero added.


    ¡°¡¯Tis a whole lot of nothing,¡± Dr. Mint Reader wheezed.


    ¡°What exactly will our attention be on now?¡± Alice asked, only half curious.


    The crow flung a gumdrop toward Alice¡¯s open mouth. It shot straight down her throat with deadly agility. Although she expected to crumple in a fit of choking, Alice simply swallowed and felt the candy slide right down, almost like pure honey.


    ¡°There, gumdrop. A small bite¡¯ll do,¡± the crow said, gesturing toward an object in the middle of the table that Alice hadn¡¯t noticed before, ¡°as we sink our teeth into this!¡±


    It was nothing more than a simple white box with a deep ebony lid. The crow grandly waved over it as if it were a royal chalice. ¡°We can perceive, though I above all in my impartial assertion, that this is most certainly a--¡±


    He stopped to flip his coin, eyeing the result meticulously.


    ¡°--box. Now, supposedly, we have a supposed cat in this box that has supposedly caused the Queen herself a right undoubted deal of great frustration; simply t¡¯won¡¯t reveal the state ¡®tis in!¡±


    ¡°State?¡± Alice wondered. Her voice sounded softer, almost demure. Deep inside, her thoughts were anything but. Such a description of a cat seemed far more familiar than she cared to admit: a beautiful code that had finally been cracked.


    ¡°The theories issued thus far render this the most puzzlingly perplexing matter addressed by this high gathering!¡± Dowe exclaimed. ¡°What say you, chairmen?¡±


    A chorus of ¡®aye¡¯s¡¯ reverberated around the room. Alice felt as though her voice was being swept away in this choir-like sea.


    ¡°Right!¡± the crow continued. ¡°Now, after utilizing the judgment granted to me by virtue of this li¡¯l one¡¯s attention to speed and carelessness for details, I¡¯ve come to reason that the supposed cat in this box is dead.¡±


    Alice¡¯s head snapped up amidst the dizzy illusion that the room seemed to be growing. ¡°Dead?!¡±


    Ferrabech finally spoke up, sounding inconsolably morose. ¡°Oh, I haven¡¯t a rose to lay on his grave!¡±


    ¡°Box,¡± Dowe corrected her with a slight edge. ¡°Unfortunately, reason doesn¡¯t suffice for the Queen as of late. With all of the crime around us, we need deductions! The matter at hand is the deduction of whether or not the cat is truly dead without opening the box.¡±


    ¡°Why can¡¯t we open the box?¡± Alice wondered aloud.


    ¡°That would be brutish,¡± the crow said with an air of finality. ¡°The spindly one knows.¡±


    ¡°Brute force is hardly elegant--¡± C began.


    ¡°Tis not elegant at all.¡± Cero finished.


    Alice squirmed forward and tried to reach out for the box, but her arms seemed to retract further and further back. That didn¡¯t stop the crow from squawking contemptuously.


    ¡°No, no, don¡¯t touch the box! You¡¯ll be covered in germs!¡±


    ¡°But say the cat is alive?¡± Alice countered.


    ¡°Then you¡¯ll cover him in germs!¡± the crow jabbed at Alice with his stubby wing. ¡°You¡¯aven¡¯t considered all options with complete impartial¡¯ty, gumdrop! Who are you to judge?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m doing the best with what I know!¡± Alice jabbed back.


    ¡°Me-thinks the small one is more inclined to be a brute,¡± the doctor mused.


    ¡°I don¡¯t see how I¡¯m so small to you!¡± Alice cried with frustration. Looking around, she realized with horror that her fellow chairmen had begun to tower over her.


    ¡°Of course,¡± C replied, scooping Alice up and plopping her into his lap, ¡°you surely can¡¯t see how small you are! Nay, you can only see how big we are, you see?¡±


    ¡°Si,¡± Alice sighed.


    ¡°There¡¯s always a bigheaded midget in every room,¡± the doctor groaned.


    Alice pursed her lips as C contentedly cradled her.


    ¡°Now then,¡± Dowe continued, ¡°we can¡¯t touch the box. By impartial reasoning, I say we give our first inclinations to our ears. If we can¡¯t hear the supposed cat, I¡¯d suppose he¡¯s as good as dead!¡±


    Alice couldn¡¯t help piping up. ¡°But that doesn¡¯t make any sense!¡±


    ¡°Of course not!¡± the crow replied with a slightly condescending tone. ¡°T¡¯only takes sense! I¡¯ve yet to move on to sight and taste!¡±


    ¡°What I meant,¡± Alice continued, ¡°is that this isn¡¯t sensible.¡±


    ¡°Gum-drop, my senses are perfectly able!¡± the crow exclaimed harshly. ¡°Is everyone a cripple to you?¡±


    ¡°Oh dear, my poor nose!¡± Ferrabech wailed. ¡°My nose can¡¯t tell a rose! Crippled and dimpled, onward my nose goes!¡±


    ¡°¡¯Tis not the onl-e-hee thing that has gone,¡± Dr. Mint Reader uttered curtly.


    The cricket hopped back atop the crow¡¯s head and turned him to face Ferrabech. ¡°She¡¯s a point, yes? We¡¯ve a cripple here! What good is the law to us cripples?¡±


    The crow opened his mouth to respond, but the doctor spoke instead. ¡°The-hese are valid inquiries. After all, what is art to the blind? What is music to the deaf?¡±


    ¡°Music,¡± said the cricket, straightening up, ¡°is that which is perceived aud¡¯torily in a pleasant manner.¡±


    ¡°Nonsense!¡± the crow shrilled. ¡°I, for one, am perfectly content to make music in the confines of my home! This world is my aud¡¯torium!¡±


    ¡°But to the deaf,¡± the doctor seethed, ¡°there can be no music! They can¡¯t truly know what music is!¡±


    ¡°Won¡¯t somebody please think of those with no nose, who can¡¯t smell a rose?¡± Ferrabech whined.


    Amidst this chatter, Alice nudged C in his stomach. ¡°Lift me up to the table,¡± she said, pointing upward.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to be up to the table,¡± C smiled warmly. ¡°In fact, I like you just the way you are, you see?¡±


    Growing tired of C¡¯s smothering comfort, Alice scurried up his spindly body and took a leap of faith, scrunching her nose as her unfortunate scent mixed with the breeze around her as she just barely grasped the edge of the table. She swung herself past C¡¯s fumbling arms and into the middle of the lively debate.


    ¡°If the deaf have no music,¡± she called out, ¡°and the blind have no art, wouldn¡¯t they be wise to adjust their passions? The blind could rejoice in music and the deaf could rejoice in art.¡±


    The doctor frowned. ¡°What of the blind and deaf, then? Where is their joy?¡±


    Out of the corner of her eye, Alice thought she saw Doyll stirring, but she let the instant slide. ¡°Well, I suppose there¡¯s a certain freedom in not knowing what seeing & hearing are truly like. You could devise them on your own, or maybe--I don¡¯t know, maybe be at peace. There isn¡¯t nearly as much clamor that way.¡±


    The crow spoke up. ¡°What are you implying? Are you calling my music clamor?¡±


    Alice suddenly got an idea, perpetually dancing around C¡¯s failed grips. ¡°Hardly; in fact, I¡¯m indebted to your wealth of wisdom and impartial¡ªty. Do explain to me your most recent executions.¡±


    The crow smiled. ¡°Now this is a matter worth writing in the books!¡±