《Sounds of a sunset, Sounds of the sunrise》


 Tracks One and Two

    Trying to get myself into bed wasn¡¯t the most comforting thing ever, as one of my greatest gifts, my active mind, was also the worst at falling asleep. No matter the time-of-day countless thoughts shot across my mind working on what I had to do the next day or a problem at work I was facing. It was helpful, but on the night before a big day it meant that it always took an abnormal large amount of time to fall asleep.


    Normally, I would stay up so late that I wasn¡¯t falling asleep, more like passing out. It was fine, but it made waking up that much worse since I felt like I never really got a good night¡¯s sleep. So, on big nights like these I would always just lay here in bed with my eyes closed, trying desperately, oh so desperately for my mind to fall asleep and for me to be able to get a good night¡¯s sleep tonight.


    I wasn¡¯t sure for how long I laid like this, laying arms directly at my sides like I was pressed in some sort of coffin. My one room apartment seemed quieter then normal, without much distinct sound. In the distance you could hear people talking loudly, but it was never too loud for me. Instead, it seemed like the noise was emanating from a faraway land, too distant to have any impact on me.


    Closing my mind once again, I could still feel my thoughts whizzing in my head at seemingly impossible speeds, digesting the work I needed to get done tomorrow, the people I needed to say goodbye to, the last bit of work I needed to finish up, there was so much, yet it seemed like this was a bigger step then I was making it out to be.


    Finally breaking the silence in my room, I let out a terrific sigh and got out of my bed. Opening the shades by my bed revealed a beautiful stary night painting the skyline of suburbia a beautiful dark blue hue. It really was a breathtaking sight, one that I would never really get over. Sliding out of bed, I made my way towards my closet, expertly navigating across my room by starlight. Sliding into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I slip out of my tiny apartment into the starry night.


    Tonight¡¯s not the night to pass out, but tonight¡¯s also not the night to be wasting if my mind wanted to work, I would let it do its thing for now.


    Streetlights flickered as I made my way through the empty streets, everyone else having long gone home. White picket fences seemed to contrast strangely with the starlight, seemingly highlighting the cracked sidewalk even more. All this time my mind was already cranking through the exit interview, the final papers HR needed me to sign before I was completely free from the company.


    I wasn¡¯t sure where I was walking to, and that didn¡¯t concern me. Instead, I simply walked down the road, just thinking about my life, my future and letting the flow of the road take me. During the late hours of the night, it always seemed like I was alone in the world it was so quiet. This solemn vigil would always inevitable be interrupted by a lone car but would always restart a few minutes after the car had passed out of ear range.


    There was a quiet wind tonight, it was a warm comforting wind, like a caress. It sent a shiver down my spine, but the warm summer air would always warm me up afterwards. Cicadas could be heard in the distance, chirping their song. It truly was a wonderful night, yet it seemed to be tinged with this lonely isolation.


    There wasn¡¯t anyone I wanted to talk to either, no one to meet and honestly, I didn¡¯t want to talk either. I just enjoyed the fake silence, one filled with the countless sounds of the night. Just like a stone caught in the ebb and flow of the river, I moved along to the tune of the road.


    Soon I find myself on main street, basking in the glow of the streetlight it almost feels like the sun is hitting down on me, shocking me out of my revere. Countless people are walking by me now, off to do what people do, to meet friends, to hurry home to a lover, maybe some are running late to their night shift.


    Watching everyone flow past me it felt like I was caught on a rock in this river of people streaming past me. Remaining motionless under the streetlight wasn¡¯t going to get me anywhere, so I once again looked down at my feet and moved my way through the crowd.The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Walking through this crowd of people seemed to tinge my night with an even more depressing mood. I didn¡¯t know where I was going, but I knew where I¡¯ve been. My grandfather used to say that not knowing where you were going was half the fun, discovering new trails in the woods was always his favorite. He was long dead now, having passed away some years ago. His death was one of the few things that surprised me, in just three months the ninety-six-year-old who could still walk without a cane passed away of leukemia. He lived only two days longer than his wife, my grandmother. Their love was an old love, one for the ages. They loved each other dearly and loved their children even more, being related to them was one of my greatest prides.


    Staring into the night sky I wondered what my grandpa would think of me now, what he would do in my possession.


    I could almost hear what he would say, ¡°Son, you might be lost in more ways than one.¡± Then he would turn away gruffly and give me advice. I mourned his death, and I missed him dearly, but I knew he was where he needed to be, right by my grandmother¡¯s side.


    I too, was stuck on an old love, one that always seemed to rear its head whenever there was a moment of silence within the storm of my consciousness. This old love had ruined ¡°love¡± for me, but ruin wasn¡¯t really the right word, spoiled was probably the correct term for it. I didn¡¯t regret loving her, and wherever she was now I hope she didn¡¯t regret loving me. She never really broke my heart, to me it was a sacred love, unspoiled by the test of time.


    My grandfather had done his bit, he had earned his place as a comet among the stars streaking to wherever my grandmother was now.


    Staring up at the night sky I could see some starts twinkling in the night sky. I never wondered where my grandparents were, I knew it just as deeply as I knew the sky was blue, that my grandparents were twinkling diamonds somewhere up there, looking down upon me.


    I wonder if she was up there, also looking down on me. I wonder if she was mad, I couldn¡¯t keep my entire promise, I wonder if she is happy that I didn¡¯t? I wanted to do nothing more then join her up there, but I knew I hadn¡¯t put in the time, I hadn¡¯t earned my space among the stars.


    Looking back down at my feet, I wondered if she was disappointed with how I spent my time. I wonder if she resented me for it, wasting time like this.


    Looking back up at the stars with tears streaming down my face I begged for forgiveness. Almost as if answering me, a lonely cloud slowly drifted past, obscuring my view of the moon and a large portion of the sky. After the cloud passed by the moon and stars seemed to be mocking me, mocking my conviction, mocking my right.


    Therefore, I hated the night, I wanted to hide from it so much. Fighting back the desperate urge to scream, I simply looked back down at my feet and slowly made my way back to my apartment. I winded my way back through the outskirts of town, back through main street, and all the way back through suburbia before reentering my apartment.


    This was the only place I had lived once I moved out of my parent¡¯s place, at first it seemed small, but she made it seem cozy. Now, it seemed way to large way too empty. Save for a table with a computer the apartment almost felt like no one lived here or someone was in the process of moving out. No pictures hung on the wall, in fact, the only personal effects were two faded photos in small frames by the computer.


    They both were gifts. The one on the left was the last gift my grandfather got me, it was a picture of me and him, when I was only five or six years old. He had taken me out to fish, and we had caught a fourteen-inch bass. I didn¡¯t remember it, and my grandfather always claimed that I had caught it on my own. Just looking at it compared to me who could barely hold it even with my grandfather helping. It really was a funny picture. On the back was simply written in black sharpie: ¡°March 2<sup>nd</sup>, 2005, my grandson caught a large mouth bass!¡± Underneath that was written ¡°14¡¯ 1.407 lbs.¡±  This sharpie was faded, weathered away by time. Underneath that, in less faded sharpie was written, ¡°Happy eighteen birthday!¡±


    My grandfather had passed away two months before his 97<sup>th</sup> birthday, and eight months before my eighteenth birthday. It took us a bit to go through his stuff, but in his old briefcase there was a letter addressed to me. Inside it was just that picture, no earth-shattering letter, nothing like that. My grandfather had probably gotten that letter ready, so he didn¡¯t miss mailing it for my birthday and just forgot about it in his briefcase.


    To him it probably didn¡¯t seem like much, but to me, well to me it meant the world to me. Picking up the photo, I stared at him and me. It really was an old photo, but it still made me smile looking back at it now. I was way too young to remember it being taken, but it was one of my grandpas¡¯ favorite stories to tell.


    Smiling to myself, I put the picture down. Moving it back into its place, facing towards my bed and the window besides it. I didn¡¯t look at the other picture, it brought back too many painful memories. Slipping back into my pajamas, I slip back into bed, this time more than ready for sleep¡­

 Tracks Three and Four

    Staying up until I pass out always means that I wake up sore, usually because I have no energy to toss and turn myself comfortable, leading to me sleeping in some bizarre and very uncomfortable positions. This, and a mixture of a lack of sleep the night before usually means that I wake up sore and sleep deprived, making me look like a ghoul with my dead eyes and hunched back.


    Thankfully, I had gotten to bed at a reasonable time last night and I managed to get some good sleep in, leading to my overall chipper mood this morning. Stretching my arms, I let out a good stretch groan, and got myself out of bed. Feeling the amount of energy I had, I almost decided to not make my customary cup of coffee but decided I would end up hating myself even more if I didn¡¯t, so reaching under my bed I retrieved a tiny electric coffee maker.


    There was limited table space in my apartment, that also lacked a kitchen, so I had opted to purchase a tiny one cup coffee maker. It made me enough coffee to make it to my office, where there would usually already be some coffee on a pot there, thanks to a helpful co-worker.


    My solution of where to put the coffee maker was simple, under the bed when it wasn¡¯t used and, on the floor, when I was making myself a pot of coffee. I hadn¡¯t kicked it yet, but there is a first time for everything, so I was always extra careful when I was walking around my room. My room wasn¡¯t that small, being about twenty feet wide by thirty feet long. It seemed smaller because for one, it only had one window, right by the side of my bed, and my room was basically barebones.


    The only furniture I now owned was my bed a small desk and a cheap office chair. There also was a built-in closet, but it was closer to being an indentation in the wall then anything fancy. It was more than enough for me, but a lot of my things were still packed up underneath my bed. It seemed like they had been like this for years now, but that was never an issue.


    Plugging in my coffee maker, I carefully poured some grounds into the filter and water into the well. Placing a medium sized mug into the slot, I turned on the coffee maker. Sitting down next to my coffee maker on the floor was a nice relaxing experience for me, one that the me who is usually half asleep rarely gets to enjoy.


    I can hear the cry of the crows outside, squawking up a storm. The morning sun was cresting above the horizon, causing sunlight to pour in through my window. Closing my eyes, I calmly listened to the sound of cars whistling by, accentuated by the occasional cry of crows out looking for a morning meal. My coffee maker having finished boiling the water soon begins to crackle spitting out coffee into my mug, adding to the symphony of my morning. It was a relaxing morning, but there were still things that needed to be done.


    With a practiced efficiency, the mug was removed placed on the table, the filter removed and thrown into the trash, and the coffee maker found its way onto the windowsill to try dry in the sun. Sipping on my coffee, I get changed into the clothes I had set aside last night. A nice pair of khakis, with a checkered polo shirt. Not too formal, but still nice and clean. It was a big day for me, and so I decided to get an early start to my workday.


    Placing in some earbuds, I started whistling along to whatever song I was listening to the night before. Following along with my usually routine, I walked my way downtown, to where the offices were. Whistling terribly, I paid not much attention to my surroundings, lost in thought about what my day entailed.


    My feet moved on autopilot, and soon I found myself standing in front of my office building. It was a somewhat small building, barely two floors tall, yet it was where I had worked for the past eight years of my life. Using my keycard to unlock the door, I entered the building for what was probably going to be my last time.


    Stepping into the building, the first thing that you would see is a small lobby, with a couple office plants in each of the corners. The lobby was baren, seemingly only existing to lead people into an elevator that stood at the far end of the lobby (or to a flight of stairs situated right next to the elevator). Mopping the floor was one of the custodians, Jerry.


    Jerry had worked here for who knows how long, supposedly he predated this company, having worked here for the previous tenants. He was mopping the floor with gusto as always, listening to music with an old Walkman.


    Stepping behind him, I tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. Sliding off one of his headphones, he turned to look at me.


    ¡°8 years, and you haven¡¯t once checked to see if I can¡¯t here you, always with the tapping on the shoulder¡±


    Smiling back at him, ¡°hey, wouldn¡¯t it be worse if I just sat here calling your name? I might have disturbed the plants¡±, I said gesturing towards the various potted plants adorning the lobby.


    Chuckling his only reply was, ¡°It seems only like yesterday an awkward looking kid walked in here, wondering if he was in the right place¡ªright after unlocking the door with his keycard¡±


    ¡°Hey, what if it was a fluke, and the door was never locked! I¡¯m just trying to be sure!¡±


    ¡°Watching you jump out of your skin when I turned around really made it worth it¡±, he said, teasing me once more.


    Jerry was one of the first people I had talked to once I had started working here. I would always run into him on my way to work, and that eventually led to us talking for a bit every day. He was one of the nicest people I know, and it was always refreshing to talking to him in the morning most days.


    It wasn¡¯t that deep of a relationship I knew very little about him other then he was married, had two kids (one my age), and worked here as a custodian. But still, I cherished it nevertheless and I liked to think he did too.


    ¡°So, today¡¯s your last day huh, leaving us for some high and mighty job elsewhere hmm?¡±


    ¡°Come on now, its not like I¡¯m going too far away plus all good things must come to an end! But seriously, it was just time for me to move onto something new!¡±


    Growing serious for what seemed like the first time since I had known him, Jerry looked at me and stuck out his hand, ¡°It was nice knowing you, and I hope you find what you¡¯re looking for¡±


    Meeting his hand for a firm handshake I simply replied, ¡°Thank you, and I hope I do too¡­¡±


    ¡°Good, now let me get back to work, you¡¯ve distracted me enough!¡±


    Finally returning to his usual self, Jerry slid his earbud back over his ear and returned to mopping the floor.


    A smile still on my face, there was still a hollow pit in my stomach, it seems saying goodbye hadn¡¯t gotten any easier. Maybe I valued relationships too much¡­


    Walking to the elevator, I decided to take the stairs today. The stairs spiraled upwards, a dull grey with chipped paint guiderails. It was a comforting look, remembering everything that this company had done for me over the years only seemed to fill me with equal parts nostalgia and faith that I had done the right thing.


    Reaching the second floor, the stairs continued onto the roof, but I had no business up there. Stepping into the office, it was mostly quiet, with cubicle walls obscuring most of my view of the floor. It was mostly quiet with some hushed conversation and typing being heard. It was an oddly comforting noise, some thing that seemed to put a bump in my step.


    In some ways I would miss the comfort of a nine to five life, but I wouldn¡¯t find what I was looking for here. Making my way to my cubicle, it had already been pretty much cleared of all my stuff the day before, not that there was much here to begin with. I had a cubicle to myself; a rare commodity having been hard fought for with my seniority. Soon it would become someone else¡¯s.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    The computer was powered off, and the only other thing on the desk was a single paper, once I signed it, I would no longer have a job. It seemed like a daunting hurdle to cross, but I signed it with no troubles, and with that I didn¡¯t have a job. Walking around the office I said my goodbyes to my co-workers, trying not to disturb their work. Some seemed more sincere with their goodbyes than others, but I valued the relationships I had fostered with all of them, so I made sure to say goodbye to each and everyone of them.


    Karen made sure to give me some cookies she had baked me, she was easily the honestly nice people out there, never seeming to want anything. Greg made sure that I had his number, promising to take me out for drinks whenever he had the chance too. He was also one of those nice people who seemed to like everyone they met. Jeff seemed to not to mind that I was leaving, but I knew he was one of the nice people who couldn¡¯t be honest about it.


    Finally making my way down to HR, I made my way to the first cubicle. I would¡¯ve rather not run into her, but I owed it to Sarah to at least say goodbye to her and not skirt around it. It might¡¯ve been the easy thing to do, but it wasn¡¯t the honest thing. To be honest, I missed the way it was before but there was no changing the past.


    Knocking on the side of the cubicle, a cute face peeked its way out from inside the cubicle. It was a pretty face, round with serene hazel eyes that seem to be razor sharp.


    ¡°Turning in your resignation form? So, you really are going through this.¡± Her voice seemed to hold a certain edge of malice to it, but I knew her long enough to know that it was worry, not malice. She cared in her own special way, and I respected that.


    ¡°Yes, this is going to be good for me¡±


    ¡°Caught up in the past just like always, there really is no hope for you is there Adam¡±


    I didn¡¯t know how to respond, so I simply just gave an empty smile and handed her the paper I had been holding in my hand. She reached out and grabbed it almost hesitantly before ducking back into her cubicle.


    I opened my mouth, but closed it again, it seemed I didn¡¯t know what to say to her. My feelings were muddled and there was a lot I wanted to say to her but didn¡¯t know how to express it to her. Frankly, I was frozen, stuck in place not sure what to say, if this was even the right time for all of this.


    I decidedly chickened out, stepping away and turning to head back to my desk to collect the many parting gifts I had gotten. Just as I turned my back, I heard Sarah talk in a tone I hadn¡¯t heard since we were dating, ¡°Do you ever miss me? Not me as a friend, but me as your girlfriend? Or did I never really fit into your life ever? I know you still miss her, but is there any time to miss me?¡±


    It was an honest voice, a deeply personal, exposed voice. It was an expectant voice, and part of me didn¡¯t want to betray these expectations. I didn¡¯t know what to say, she was right, I never really missed her like that. What we had was special, and to be honest I had ruined it by dating her. There wasn¡¯t much I could do about it other than lie but lying seemed to betray not only her expectations but seemed too hollow to be taking as anything but a lie.


    Instead, I simply gave her an answer by walking away without saying anything. Part of me hated myself for doing that, but I knew that I was going to lie to her if I tried to say anything. I was a coward, but it seemed better than discounting her feelings by lying to her.


    Reaching my cubicle, I took one last glance across the cubicle farm, before making my way to the elevator and down into the lobby.


    With a box of my gifts and the last of my stuff, I passed through a now empty lobby and back out the front door.


    Taking a deep breath, I enjoyed sun on my face, which had now reached the top of the sky. It was lunchtime, and as if on cue I could feel a hungry pang in my stomach. My breakfast was only that one cup of coffee I had in the morning, and so I would normally be starving by now. My apartment didn¡¯t have a kitchen, so I would usually just eat out.


    Making my way back to my apartment, I simply dropped off the box before heading right back out, simply walking around seeing if anything caught my attention.


    It felt like years since I had done something like this, and I don¡¯t ever remember doing it by myself. This was most definitely something I had picked up from her. Thinking this, I almost unconsciously glanced at the sky, relief showing visibly on my face seeing the light blue of a bright day.


    Walking through town, I once again put in my earbuds, letting myself get lost in the ebb and flow of rhythm. Soon I find myself on the opposite side of town, in front of a small family sub shop. A simple banner with the words ¡°Frank¡¯s Sub Shop¡± was written in red letterings. Deciding it was high time since I had a good sub, I stepped into the shop.


    Whatever I was expecting, this wasn¡¯t it. It was smaller than it appeared on the outside, brightly colored floors reflecting the sunlight coming from the many windows. It was a nice, homely establishment. There wasn¡¯t anyone behind the counter, so I simply took a seat at the counter. Pulling out my phone I began to read one of the many books I had on my phone. I had read this book many times, but it never seemed to get old to me.


    To be honest, it represented a lot to me, just another one of the reminders of the past I kept bringing myself to remember in one way or another.


    I sat there reading for what seemed like only a couple minutes before the sound of a saloon door swinging open was heard. Looking up, I see someone standing in front of me. It was a girl with a white apron on, writing something into a notebook. Not knowing if she was here to take my order, I simply looked back down to my phone and kept reading.


    This silence punctuated with the sound of a pencil dragging against paper continued for a bit longer. Soon the sound of saloon doors was heard again followed by a dull smack. Surprised, I looked up to see the girl rubbing the back of her head with a much older woman standing behind her.


    Not exactly knowing how to react, I went to look back down at my phone when I was interrupted by the older woman starting to talk to me


    ¡°Sorry for my dumb staff, would you like to see a menu?¡±


    Not sure how to respond to the first half, I instead decided to ignore and it and only comment on the second half, ¡°Yes please¡±.


    Seemingly appearing out of nowhere a menu was placed in front of me. Smiling with what seemed like a million-watt smile, ¡°Would you like something to drink?¡±


    ¡°Uh, yes please, could I get water with a lemon wedge please¡±


    ¡°Sure thing!¡± Turning to glare at the girl in the apron, who jumped up straight and ran to the backroom, with speed that would shock even an Olympic sprinter.


    ¡°If there is anything else you need, or if you are ready to order just let us know¡± and with that parting sentence, the older woman too disappeared into the back. Left alone once again, I returned to my book. It was a rolling epic, about a band of brothers who traveled the world together. It was a clever book, and for its importance to the genre of fantasy it was surprisingly one dimensional.


    That didn¡¯t detract from it, at least for me, instead it meant I was able to be lost in the minutia, not thinking about it too much.


    Soon, a cup was placed down besides me, right next to the menu I had failed to look at. Almost sheepishly, I thanked the lady, and picked up the menu.


    The lady for her part, simply nodded as an acknowledgement and went back to scribbling in her notebook. It was an odd sight, but it gave me my space, so I wasn¡¯t going to complain nor question it.


    Perusing the menu really didn¡¯t afford me much insight into what I wanted to order, in fact reading seemed just like words to me¡ªI didn¡¯t know what any of these things were nor did I really understand what I wanted. Thinking that it was kind of warm outside, I finally decided on a vegetarian hoagie that seemed nice and refreshing.


    Clearing my throat, a simple excuse me was enough to flag the chef(?) down, and soon she disappeared into the back. Sipping on my water, I returned to reading.


    It was a weird thing reading from my phone, I certainly missed the feeling of paper beneath my fingers and the crinkle of the book, and to be frank I found it hard to concentrate when I was on my phone, it really was the oddest thing.


    Only a couple minutes later a sandwich was placed in front of me. I didn¡¯t directly acknowledge its presence outside of a polite thank you. I was sitting hunched over, with both hands on my phone creating almost like a circle, within this circle was my cup of water with the straw stuck in my mouth, as I casually sipped on it. The plate was to my left, and to grab it I would need to break this little cove I had setup, and as such it lay there for a bit untouched.


    The diner was for the most part empty, and so I didn¡¯t really feel the rush to eat anymore, completely enamored with my book as I was. Soon, I had grown hungry enough that I would absent mindedly reach out and grab a bite of the sandwich, only to put it back down, not once looking away from my book.


    I couldn¡¯t comment much on the taste, as to me it tasted like raw wet sandpaper, but that was just to me. There was something wrong with my stupid tongue, for the longest time my sense of taste had gone the way of the dinosaur, extinct that is.


    So instead, I paid the taste and texture no mind and simply enjoyed the feeling of chewing on something as I read my book. But soon, I was all out of water and my sandwich was long gone. Deciding I had stayed long enough, I paid for the sandwich got up and simply left the establishment.


    Both of those ladies hadn¡¯t made a reappearance, but to be honest I wasn¡¯t paying much attention to my surroundings, they could have been staring at me the whole time and I might not have noticed.


    For the longest time it seems I¡¯ve become more and more prone to living in my head, it was a strange thing to reflect on, but any protest saying I shouldn¡¯t made it seem more and more hollow and not at all the issue at hand, and so I just ignored it. For better of for worse, and that¡¯s just where that was.


    I quite liked that place though, it was big and quiet, and the service wasn¡¯t too bad, and it wasn¡¯t so busy I would feel bad taking up a space. Maybe I¡¯d come back there if I wanted to read but didn¡¯t want to stay in my apartment any longer.


    Trudging along the sidewalk I let myself drift away from any specific topic as I let my mind water from left to write, completely enamored by the world it seemed I was no longer apart of¡­