《Ray of Himari》


 Chapter 1:My first love

    How can it be that the person I adore is right across me but feels so distant?


    Hana, the name of the girl I love dearly.


    Her beautiful blonde hair and hazel coloured eyes mesmerised me every time I looked upon them.


    I¡¯ve loved her since the day she defended me from our peers teasing me.


    Every time I looked at her back standing in front of me.I fell in love more and more.


    The words she used to say,¡±as long as I am here you don¡¯t have to worry, alright?¡±, made me the happiest girl on earth.


    As years passed by I displayed my affection more and more.I unconsciously wanted her to see how much I loved her.


    We all want to be with the person we love, isn¡¯t that right?


    But every time I took a step forward she took a step backward.


    At first I did not realise what was happening.I thought she was just shy and flustered as she always was.


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    But one day she yelled at me,¡±stop being so clingy, can¡¯t you see how much I dislike your behavior¡±.


    I responded,¡±im doing this because, I love you¡±.


    Our class being taken aback and Hana looking at me confused lead to Hana hesitatingly say,¡±ha, no wonder everyone thinks that you are weird.I should not be lumped in with you¡±.


    After saying that she glanced at me for one last time and left the classroom.


    I¡¯ve never felt that hurt.I didn¡¯t care about the stares my classmates gave me I just saw Hana¡¯s beautiful face turn sour and irritated.


    Since then I distanced myself from Hana.We didn¡¯t go to school together, chatted during break and I didn''t tell her how much I liked her.I believed that this was all for her sake.


    As we graduated middle school.I saw Hana standing by the school gate.


    Not being able to rearrange my thoughts.I happily ran to her thinking she was there to see me.


    As I was near she walked towards my direction as well.I was overjoyed.


    But at the moment I said,¡±Hana¡±.


    She hurriedly hugged the guy walking behind me.


    Then I remembered her telling me about her crush and that she would confess soon.


    I guess that was him.


    Not even sparing me a glance she replied to her boyfriends question of who I was with,¡±she is no one¡±.


    As they passed me I couldn¡¯t contain my eyes brimming with tears.


    I cried.I cried so hard it felt like my heart was just teared apart and my memories with Hana stepped upon.


    I guess this is the end of my first love.Is love really this futile and so hard to hold onto?


    Or is it like that just for me?

 Chapter 2: her thoughts

    I knew.


    I have known for so long that you liked me but I didn¡¯t have the courage to do anything about it.


    Why? Because I adored the way you smiled at me. The way your eyes were brimming with sincerity.


    I didn¡¯t want to give up on something I liked.


    But please tell me, what did you want me to do when you confessed your love to me in front of everyone.


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    You knew that I couldn¡¯t reciprocate your feelings, so why did you that?


    Why did you make me say that?


    I would like to tell you how I actually felt, but how could I? I don¡¯t even know who I am, so how could I fight for a love that is so hard to maintain in this world of ours?


    I''m so sorry that I made you cry.


    I¡¯m so sorry I told him that I didn¡¯t know you.


    But I don¡¯t want to be with someone, someone who is like me.


    I just feel like I would corrupt what we have. But I guess I¡¯ve already done what I tried to avoid.


    Losing you.


    Breaking you.


    I just hope that you find someone who will do what I cannot.