《Dreamcatcher》 260504 (prologue) ¡°Joo¡­ you know the family you are taking charge of now? The Khims, was it?¡± ¡°Yeah, what about them?¡± ¡°I overheard that someone¡¯s watch is going to stop ticking soon. Not sure which one it was. I think the age was 17? A female perhaps-¡± I snatch the watch and ran to my well, clutching my clipboard tightly. I stared at the well, panting heavily as my hands desperately fidgeted with the watch. Three months. I glanced over to the delicate surface of the well. With a light tap, I muttered the words, Show me Ash Khim. Early into the night, she wore a black mask and cap. ¡°The last song I¡¯ll be singing today is Aimer¡¯s Walpurgis. A song that gave me comfort when I was going through a hard time. For those who feel that nothing is going your way now. I hope after listening to the song you will feel more comforted. As her hands strummed the guitar, her mouth slowly opened. A lamb can''t fall asleep in the forest of illusions I stopped walking when I heard the sound of a distant bell Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Flowers fall from the red moon Flames raise from the fog The children dance to the traveler''s flute sound Like the beautiful wings of little birds You sing, flying about The seasons are burning, the spring goes by Birds, birds,burning bright In the forest of the night Birds, birds, burning bright What immortal wing or eye God made only the fugitive one sorrowful and beautiful. Dear season, keep moving forward You''re beautiful Tears welled up in my eyes. I promise to give this girl an amazing 3 months. I glanced at my backpack. It¡¯s time to pack for tomorrow. Day 0: My preparation ¡°It''s today¡­¡± I stared at the glistening well that stood in front of me. ¡°Joo!¡± I turned around and saw Kayla, a close friend of mine. She died an unpleasant death like most of us dreamcatchers. A common death would be suicide, as for Kayla, she died in a building fire caused by arsonists. During the fire, she helped a bunch of elderly and children leave the building safely but just before she exited the building, the building collapsed on her and she died. I watched the whole situation happen right in front of my eyes as an old client of mine was also living in her apartment complex. ¡°Are you leaving now?¡± she asked. ¡°Yep. Hope I can fulfil my promise this time.¡± She smiled with a sentimental glow. ¡°I believe you can. Though things never really went our way majority of the time, sometimes miracles do happen. I hope this is one of those times, especially since her way of passing is something you can really sympathize with.¡± ¡°Thanks for the blessing Kayla. I¡¯ll see you in three weeks.¡± She nodded. I stuck my finger in the well. ¡°260504. The 5th Khim of the 21st Century. Ash Khim.¡± My body slowly entered the well, bit by bit. The nostalgic sound of the stopwatch ticking echoed all around. It engulfed by entire being. I relaxed myself and took deep and heavy breaths. It¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve went back into the overworld. Almost 5 years since my last client. Makes sense though, there aren¡¯t many Khims in this world. Somewhere safe. I kept repeating in my head to ensure that I will be teleported to a location nobody can see me since the last few times were pretty troublesome. Sometimes I would be teleported in a sewer, other times in the middle of the road, pretty shocking to see a car almost hit you and even more appalling to see that no one noticed you suddenly appearing on the road. Guess thats just God¡¯s magic. My eyes opened to reveal a bathroom door. I heaved a sigh of relief as I exited the cubicle and washed my hands. I stared into those deep eyes of mine, filled with thousands and thousands of memories coming from my old experiences in the overworld. The way out of the bathroom was more nerve-wrecking than usual. Was it because its been so long since I came to the overworld? Or was I just nervous to meet her? Or was it something else? I brought up my head in confidence and looked at the slip of paper that came with the file. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Winster Ville 27, Block 165C, Apartment number 170, 15th floor. My mouth curved into an ¡®O¡¯ shape. ¡°A new street this time huh. Pretty safe area too. Why would that happen?¡± I walked toward the taxi stand and entered the car swiftly, telling him my address on the paper. ¡°New resident?¡± He asked. ¡°Yep. Just came back from Korea after my winter break.¡± The driver took off. ¡°Oh you¡¯re Korean?¡± He questioned. ¡°Yep. But I came to Singapore when I was around seven so I kind of grew up here. After I finish my final year of Secondary School I¡¯m probably gonna move back to Korea.¡± ¡°Good that you have your life planned out unlike my daughter. She¡¯s also in her last year of Secondary School, Secondary five.¡± ¡°Oh I¡¯m in Secondary five too.¡± ¡°Wah! You¡¯re 17 but living alone? Must be pretty difficult¡­ Wahh¡­ so she¡¯s the same age as you too! But unlike you, she doesn¡¯t know what do to in life. Though she is pretty talented in music. I heard her singing and playing the guitar once and I was so surprised! Couldn¡¯t even believe she was the same daughter I gave birth to! You should listen to her busking some time. We live in the same apartment complex so it won¡¯t be hard to catch her in the act. She also sings to the children at the playground. They all jump around and hug her whenever they see her. Hah¡­ Such a wholesome moment.¡± I smiled. Good that she has a supportive father. ¡°Looks like we¡¯re here. I¡¯ll give this ride to you for free since we¡¯re going to be neighbours anyway. See you around kiddo!¡± He smiled. ¡°Thank you uncle!¡± I waved as he drove away. So we are neighbours huh¡­ This I did not expect¡­ I entered the building and quickly found my apartment complex. Inside, I was met with a fully furnished apartment, along with an array of storybooks on the shelf. ¡°The angels really outdid themselves this time¡­¡± Quickly unpacking my belongings, I rested on my couch and continued reading her files: ¡° Name: Ash Khim Age: 17 Day of death: 26th May 2021 Location of passing: ------------------------ Time of passing: ------- Cause of death: ------------------- Age when dead: 17 School: Soleil Secondary School CCA/Club: Audio Visual Aid club. Class: 5A3 ¡± I sighed. I prepared my papers and uniform for tomorrow and waited for my next three months to begin Hong Joo, you promised. Time to finally keep it. Day 1: 1st meeting ¡°Khim!¡± I turned my neck only to be hit by nothing less than a gorilla¡¯s arm. ¡°Arghhh! What do you want Jing?¡± I groaned in pain as she grabbed my neck tighter. ¡°I heard there¡¯s going to be a transfer student coming tomorrow!¡± My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. ¡°A transfer student. Now? In Sec five? Is this person crazy? Its our most crucial year and they are transferring schools? And let go of me!¡± She released me from her grasp and shrugged. ¡°Maybe some people just like taking risks? Or maybe they hated their old school? Or maybe their parents-¡± I silenced her with my finger. ¡°Okay okay I get it. They have their reasons. Is this student in our class though?¡± Jing scratched her head whilst trying to recall. ¡°Hmm probably not since thats not what I overheard. I think he¡¯s in A2? Well less competition in our class I guess.¡± ¡°That¡¯s good. Our class is competitive enough. Plus, we already know this route isn¡¯t the best to take so having less people is probably better.¡± I brought my finger up as if pointing at things in the air. Moving it slowly here and there. ¡°Though our real competitors is the whole of Singapore. Its more beneficial I guess you could say, to have less people in our class to bring up our self-esteem!¡± I exclaimed. Her eyes stared at me weirdly. ¡°Um¡­ sure¡­ let¡¯s go with your way of thinking¡­ ¡° We set foot into our classroom right when the bell rang. ¡°Right on time.¡± I whispered to myself as I stared at the clock. Quickly taking my seat, I took out my storybook, excited to read it until my form teacher, Mr Yi calls for attention. ¡°Attention class 5A3, this is a bit of a last minute announcement but today, we have a new transfer student in class. I too¡­ was in shock when I heard about this- nonetheless! His name is Hong Joo and he comes from Korea! Originally from Terrasterian Secondary but he has now transferred here for his final year.¡± I watched as Mr Yi¡¯s eyes gave a signal for this new student to speak. ¡°I¡¯m Hong Joo¡­ um¡­ I hope we can all get along¡­¡± Awkwardness filled the room as each of my classmates just stared at each other in confusion as they silently clapped. ¡°You can take the seat next to Jing there.¡± said Mr Yi as he pointed at the empty table at the front row. ¡°Oh¡­ Okay.¡± He sat down looking a bit upset. Why is he frowning? Does he not like sitting next to Jing? What¡¯s his problem? The bell rang in an instant signifying class was over. A small crowd of people formed around the new kid. ¡°Your name is Hong Joo?¡± ¡°Yea.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t sound like a common Korean name. I thought Koreans would usually have those names like ¡®Park¡¯ or ¡®Lee¡¯ and have two syllables or something.¡± Kairi, the environmental champion said. ¡°Yeah my name is pretty unique I guess.¡± He laughed awkwardly while scratching his head. Observing the circle around him, I quickly escaped the crowd and headed to the canteen. Finally no big crowds just to go down the staircase. The canteen was as packed as ever, queues longer than Rapunzel¡¯s hair, groups of students louder than a lion¡¯s roar. Every moment of recess was like being in a zoo. I spotted an empty table and swiftly took a seat. I took out my phone while waiting for Jing at the table. Since she was the Class Chairperson, she has to lock up the classrooms after everyone leaves but because there was a crowd in the class, she had to stay and wait till everyone got out. Clicking on the ¡®Webtoon¡¯ app, I scrolled down to check whichever comic had been updated. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Ah¡­ The simple pleasures in life. ¡°Uh hi. Can I sit here?¡± I looked up and saw a face. An ¡®unfamiliar face¡¯ at that until I realized it was the transfer student. ¡°Oh um¡­ sure.¡± Gesturing for him to sit down, I averted my eyes from him and his direction. Why is he sitting here? This is so awkward. Should I say something? ¡°Jing told me to find someone wearing a yellow jacket and sit with them and wait for her to come if that¡¯s what you are wondering.¡± The silence carried on. ¡°I¡¯m Hong Joo, what¡¯s your name?¡± My heart started beating, faster and faster. ¡°I¡¯m Khim Ash. W-Wait I meant Ash Khim.¡± I silently cursed at myself for just being, well, me. I cannot, for the sake of god, talk to anyone normally without support or a topic. WHERE IS JING? I NEED SOMEONE HERE. I was practically screaming at the top of my lungs right now, but no one can hear me. ¡°Yo Khim!¡± PERFECT. Pierre Chan, my best bud, and my savior in this situation. ¡°Woah who is this?¡± He pointed at Joo. ¡°He¡¯s a transfer student in my class. This is Pierre Chan, from class A2. Probably the smartest person I know.¡± I introduced Pierre to Joo. ¡°Oh don¡¯t flatter me. Especially since I didn¡¯t get into PFP, please don¡¯t mention academics again.¡± He smiled, but with a threatening undertone to it. Pierre extended his hand for a handshake. ¡°Nice to meet ya Joo.¡± They both shook hands and carried on with random conversations. Thank god Pierre is chatty or else I would have died from awkwardness. I continued reading my webtoons till I spotted Jing walking from the corner of my eye. She sighed while taking a seat in front of me. ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Had another consultation with Mr Yi again?¡± Pierre jokingly said. ¡°Sadly, you are right on the dot. Apparently, he wants me to be more stern with the class but man. I¡¯m so tired. We¡¯re all very tired. Having someone force you to do something isn¡¯t something I would appreciate as a Sec Five student.¡± I stared at her eyes. She has eyebags again¡­ Leadership roles really make you overwork yourself huh. As strong as Jing was, that was only physically. Jing always had problems taking care of her mental health. Not resting enough, pushing herself to achieve too many goals at once. She could never focus on one thing at a time. ¡°Anyone wants drinks? I¡¯m heading to the drinks stall.¡± I announced while quickly standing up. Jing shook her head. ¡°I¡¯ll follow you.¡± Pierre replied. ¡°Joo, wanna come along? We can show you around the stalls.¡± Pierre asked. ¡°Sure.¡± ¡°Be right back Jing.¡± She nodded her head. We quickly walked off, leaving Jing to rest at the table. ¡°I¡¯ll get the milk, you go buy her the croissant.¡± Pierre nodded and ran towards the cafe. Joo was visibly confused. ¡°Oh¡­ We didn¡¯t explain this to you. Whenever Jing is stressed, we always get her this chocolate croissant from the Good News Cafe there.¡± I pointed at the small cafe opposite the canteen. ¡°She also really like strawberry milk so we would get that that too. Think of it as a breakfast set for her.¡± I grinned at the thought of this idea. It¡¯s always fun to see Jing¡¯s face when we get her this set even when she said no.¡°Ohh¡­ You guys are good friends, taking care of your friend very well. Even to plan who should get what.¡± ¡°Well, she¡¯s always there for us. And these days she can¡¯t even relief stress since she¡¯s always studying to continue passing. She barely has time to play sports cause of her chairman duties. So both me and Pierre want to do something for her to keep her alive and kicking.¡± I frowned a little thinking about Jing. My best friend since I entered this school. I was lucky to have met her and even luckier to have been in the same class for five years now. She¡¯s done a lot for not just me, but everyone she knew, compared to me, who hasn¡¯t even done anything worth while for her. I unconsciously sighed and gripped the coins in my hand. We quickly got the strawberry milk and went back to the table. Pierre was already there and giving the croissant to Jing. Pierre¡¯s eyes looking at Jing all lovingly. Nothing less of care and concern. A bit cliche to say this but, my heart ached a little seeing them together, Nevertheless, I walked up to them with an amazing poker face and handed her the strawberry milk! I sat down with the most disgusting feeling circulating throughout my entire body. Jealousy. Someone, make it stop please. Pierre Chan, my best bud, the guy who loves my best friend and the person I like. Geez, I¡¯m getting depressed all over again. But its fine. I¡¯m used to this. Day 2: Your heartache My first day of school ended quickly. I was swarmed with homework even on the first day, I was lucky to have studied all of these subjects in heaven. After my student duties, I had some heavenly duties to fulfil such as jotting down my observations of my client today. Luckily, I met her right away. My pen wrote on the paper smoothly: 1: She cannot hold proper conversations without a topic or someone with her (already knew) 2: She cannot express affection well (already kind of knew) 3: She is hopelessly in love with her ¡®best bud¡¯ Pierre, who is hopelessly in love with her best friend, Valery Jing. (did not notice/suspect) New! 4: Her friends call her by her surname. She does so to Valery. - Ask why 5: I could feel her heartache?? - report back to the guardian ASAP Her face when she saw Valery and Pierre was enough to break my heart, this was something I did not notice from the well. I was also so focused on her actions but not her face or feelings. I have a brief outline of her personality and everyone around her but this was just depressing. Maybe it¡¯s because I¡¯m her dreamcatcher, that¡¯s why I can feel the pain in her heart. I should do something for her tomorrow. I headed to the bathroom, where the beautiful well stood upon me. Once again, I lightly touch the delicate surface and mutter the words ¡°Call upon the guardian.¡± This time, numerous water droplets emerged up from the well. Forming ripples every millisecond until the figure of a tall, elegant lady materialized right before my eyes. Her long wavy braided hair reached her chest along with her mesmerizing flowy dress that would send chills down you spine by even looking at it. ¡°Morning M¡¯Lady.¡± I grin. ¡°Is that any way to speak to your guardian Hong Joo?¡± She smirks. ¡°How are things in the overworld? Anything new to report to me?¡± She asks as her fingers twiddle with her lengthy bangs. ¡°You are in fact correct. Something strange happened today with my client. To cut it short, I could feel her heartache. Just wanted to know if you would have any idea on this topic.¡± For a moment, I could feel it again. Her heartache along with an extremely uneasy feeling in my chest. ¡°Hmm¡­ This happened to one of our old dreamcatchers before, he retired just a few years before you became a dreamcatcher. I¡¯ll double check with the other Guardians later during the meeting. For now, if you feel anything more than a little heartache, report it to me immediately. ¡± I nodded. ¡°If that is all, I¡¯ll be going now.¡± ¡°Nothing else to report M¡¯Lady.¡± She smiled. ¡°Noted. I¡¯ll be going now. Take care Joo.¡± I bowed my head in respect for the Guardian. The water droplets fell to the ground, completely soaking me from head to toe. I sighed as I walked towards my room to get my towel. ¡°Time to shower, again.¡± ~ The next day at school, I waited patiently in the classroom for Khim- Ash to enter. From what I observed in heaven, she only comes to class late when she meets up Valery but on other days, she¡¯s the first one to enter. I sat there quietly, reviewing her file on my phone. ¡°Cause of death: ----i--¡± My eyes opened widely as if they were about to bulge out. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I can see an alphabet? Are my eyes failing me right now? I rubbed my eyes and looked closely again. No¡­ This cannot be real¡­ The cause usually comes out a week before the death, at most two weeks. It¡¯s my second day and something already came out? It¡¯s even weirder for only a single alphabet to come out. I need to speak to the guardian again. Right when I was about to leave the classroom, she entered.Head down, phone in one hand, earphones in another. My heart ached. No- Her heart ached. I clutched my chest and took a deep breath. She stopped and stared at me. ¡°You good?¡± Her eyebrows furrowed. ¡°Uh¡­ Uh¡­ I¡¯m not feeling well. Tell Mr Yi for me please.¡± I ran out of the classroom as if there was a monster chasing me. What was that? Why could I feel it again? Her heartache. I ran as quickly as I could towards the bus stop and frantically searched for my bus. Luckily, it arrived right away. I boarded the bus and looked at the file again, staring intently at the ¡®i¡¯. Thousands of theories flashed back and forth in my head. Is this a sign for something bad? Or is this good? Nobody has ever heard of a cause of death being revealed so early. Earliest I¡¯ve heard was two weeks. Something is going wrong. I slammed my door open and rushed to the toilet. I stuck my finger into the well again and desperately tried to stabilize it. I could feel it again. It¡¯s even worse this time. It feels like needles are slowly entering my heart. ¡°C-Call upon the guardian!¡± I screamed. I stared at the water droplets, gathering and piecing together the form of the guardian. ¡°Perfect timing Joo! I was just about to call you- Joo?¡± My vision became blurry. ¡°Joo are you okay?¡± I shook it off. ¡°I-I¡¯m fine. What were you about to tell me?¡± I took deep, heavy and painful breaths. ¡°Wait there I¡¯m sending an angel to fetch you.¡± The grip around my heart tightened, the feeling of the heartache got more and more painful. ¡°I¡¯m fine really. Please just report what you found out to me.¡± Every breath got deeper and more painful. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you in heaven! For now hold on, Kris is on his way!¡± My entire body became numb, my hearing became muffled. I lost every ounce of strength I had just now. ¡°No¡­ I don¡¯t like Kris.¡± Then my body finally gave in and fainted. I awoke to the melodious sound of harps. The delicate tune tickled my ear as I opened my eyes and was met with a bright, soft, luminescent light. ¡°Feeling better?¡± This deep voice¡­ ¡°Yep. Thanks Kris¡­ I¡¯ll be on my way then.¡± I quickly sat up and started walking towards the exit. ¡°Hold it.¡± Kris grabbed my arm. ¡°The song isn¡¯t finished. You can¡¯t leave yet.¡± I sighed. There¡¯s no use fighting. I¡¯ll just stay here then. ¡°Fine. Continue ur tune.¡± I sat down on the cushioned bed. Resting my mind, I took deep and heavy breaths accompanying it with a sigh. For what felt like forever, the music finally came to an end. ¡°See? I¡¯m all better. Can I go now?¡± Kris sighed and shook his head. ¡°Fine. You can go now. By the way the guardian of dreams wants to see you. She said to meet at her office once you have fully recovered.¡± I nodded my head and finally left the room. I made my way to her office while collecting my thoughts on what had happened just now. How did the pain escalate so much? At first it was bearable but to the point of passing out? What is going on? I touched my heart, where the pain resided and kept going through the thoughts in my head until i reached the office. ¡°Oh dearest guardian of dreams, I am pleased to inform you that Hong Joo has recovered.¡± The door creaked open and the guardian quickly pulled me into the office. She gestured for me to keep quiet and brought me to her desk. ¡°Take a look at this Joo.¡± She passed me a thick file. I breezed through the first few pages and saw a folded page. Unfolding it, my eyes were immediately draw to three highlighted words. Signs of reincarnation. ¡°M¡¯Lady¡­ What¡¯s the meaning of this?¡± The guardian looked at me right in the eyes. ¡°Joo. All those heartaches you were feeling, they were all signs of reincarnation.¡± I felt my heart sink. Millions of thoughts flashed in my mind. Memories of my previous lives all played back. Reincarnation? Is she being serious? All these thoughts, yet all I could mutter was an exasperated yet confused, ¡°What?¡± Day 3: Our pain What just happened? Is he okay? I arrived at class just to be met with a guy, panting like crazy and running faster than the speed of light. Still struck with confusion, I took my seat and started reading my new book. A fantasy world where angels exist as real people on earth and come to take care of us humans here. A plot that would definitely interest me. I can only hope that this book is a good read. Before I started on the book, I noticed my phone light up from a notification. ¡°Maimai today?¡± My friend June asked in a group chat. I replied: ¡°Sure. We end at two today. Meet you 2.30.¡± I smiled to myself until I thought about Pierre and Jing. My heart ached when I recalled what happened yesterday. I got a text message late at night from Pierre saying he will finally confess to Jing today. I fortunately only saw this message in the morning or else I would have cried myself to sleep. A flame awoke in my chest. Not one for passion or rage, just one filled with sorrows and loneliness. Spring comes Although I really loved you back then That I wish for the wall, windows and sky to be just disappeared Never cry The flame burned slowly as the lyrics came on. Slow but painful. A beautiful flame to see yet it¡¯s so torturous for me. I glanced at my phone again and started to type. ¡°Sorry cant go today. Need to go home QUICK.¡± June replied in an instant. ¡°Aww thats a shame. @Pierre @Jing yall coming?¡± ¡°Yep. But we might be late though, theres some class stuff to settle we need the big creative mind of Pierre to finish it up :3¡± Jing replied. I sighed and closed my eyes as I felt my entire body go numb. Everything will be fine. This isn¡¯t anything new. Even if you did tell him anything, 100% he wouldn¡¯t accept your confession. You might even stop being friends. But with Jing, that¡¯s a whole different story. Better to not interrupt them. I should busk today then. I opened my book and started reading, trying to brush the thought of Pierre and Jing. The more I tried to ignore it, the more I thought about it and even worse, the more it hurt. It felt like I was going to faint from this heart ache. Quickly drinking some water, I stood up to leave the classroom for fresh air. Slowly, I made my way outside the classroom and breathed in some fresh air but, it still hurt¡­ Maybe I should go home early today¡­ Suddenly, my vision started going black. Black spots emerged out of nowhere, as if ambushing my sight. I slid down onto the floor and steadied my breathing before another army attacked my body. I squinted in pain as I felt the gastric burning in my stomach. My hearing slowly got more and more blocked. It felt like I was stuck in a black hole, unable to see or hear anything. Right there and then, I heard a voice, muffled but I could still make out some of the words. ¡°Khim?! Khim can you hear me?¡± Who was this? I thought. She sounded familiar. Oh. It¡¯s Jing. Using up all my energy, I replied with all my might. ¡°C-Can you help get me some water¡­¡± My stomach burned more and more. I could feel her footsteps all around me and finally, my hands held my bottle. I quickly drank it and my hearing started to clear a bit. ¡°Thanks Jing.¡± Though my words were clear, it was the most I¡¯ve struggled just to say two words. ¡°Are you sure you are okay Khim?¡± I nodded. ¡°I¡¯m all good. Can¡¯t miss a day in sec five man. One day gone and I might just fail my O levels haha.¡± She facepalmed and brought me up to my feet. ¡°Don¡¯t over-exert yourself man. It¡¯ll be worse to get a three or five day MC cause you didn¡¯t rest when needed.¡± My fingers rolled into an ¡®ok¡¯ ¡°Got it madam Jing. I will be very relaxed today. Oh yea I almost forgot to tell you! Joo came in earlier just now and went back home cause he wasn¡¯t feeling well.¡± She gave me an ¡®ok¡¯ sign and and sat me down. With hesitation, I asked, ¡°What about you Jing? Holding up good from yesterday?¡± She nodded. ¡°I had an amazing talk with the vice chair about our great responsibilities yesterday and we have decided to bring it up to Mr Yi today but I don¡¯t expect much of a result. He is a pretty stubborn teacher after all.¡± If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I frowned slightly at her whilst putting my hand on her shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s okay Jing. If you ever need help, you can always ask me. I¡¯m practically free every day so you don¡¯t need to worry.¡± She gave me a slight smile and put her hand on my shoulder. ¡°You do realize how stupid we look right now right?¡± I asked. We laughed and she replied, ¡°Thanks Khim, I can always count on you.¡± Right after she finished the sentence, Pierre and the vice chairman, Zhi Xiang came into the class. I could see Pierre¡¯s eyes light up when he looked at Jing. Right there and then, I could feel the fire in my chest burn more and stronger. It¡¯s nothing serious. Just gastric. Everything is totally fine. A few minutes pass and all three of them are having a conversation on what Jing and Zhi Xiang needed help with. Since Pierre was an Art student, and highly regarded as one of the most creative people in his class, many sought to him for art help when designing things in our class. Numerous things in our class was designed by Pierre and last year, in secondary four, he would always bring his class to victory for every design competition. For this however, both chairmans needed some inspiration for their class logo. This was not a competition but it was very important to the school. Logos for your class are what make your class¡¯ identity and it also shows how creative the students are to make something different every year. Even though Jing was also an art student, there are many times she would always get hit by an art block rendering her creativity useless. They discussed for a little longer till assembly started. ¡°School please stand.¡± The head prefect¡¯s voice came on the school on the PA system. I lift myself up with struggle and stand as still as I could. Soon, the national anthem came to an end and we all greeted our teacher. ¡°Good morning class.¡± Mr Yi said. ¡°Good morning Mr Yi.¡± We all replied. He gestured us to take a seat and we all sat down grunting. I took out my book and was about to read only to be interrupted by My Yi. ¡°Ash can I see you outside for a moment?¡± His eyes looked frantic as he looked at his phone and back towards me. I nodded and walk outside the classroom, feeling as weak as ever. What did I do? Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong yesterday? Mr Yi looked at me solemnly and said in a low voice. ¡°Ash, your father is in the hospital. Pack your bag and come down to the foyer. Your sister is on the way here to fetch you.¡± A million thoughts rushed through my brain before my eyes started to well up with tears. What did i just hear? Though my brain was filled with a thousand thoughts right now, I walked quickly into the classroom and packed my book back into my bag. I could feel my heart racing as if it was running a marathon. ¡°Yo khim- What¡¯s wrong?¡± Jing nervously asked. I looked at her from the corner of my eye and thought of Pierre. Though I could feel somewhat of an ache, my body felt more numb than ever. ¡°I need to go somewhere right now.¡± I quickly said and walked out the classroom. In the foyer, what was actually a few minutes felt like an eternity. An eternity filled with concern, uncertainty, sorrow and pain. What happened? Why is he in the hospital? When did this happen? Is he okay? Is¡­ my Pa still alive? I thought to myself as a scene of my Pa and I played in my head. When he first discovered I liked to busk he was so shocked yet so supportive. He would promote me to our neighbours and occasionally some clients. He would take my recordings and play them in his taxi for his clients to hear. It was not long till I felt the warm, wet tears fall on my skirt and hands. When my sister finally arrived, I could see the tears welling up in her eyes too, ¡°It¡¯s okay. Ma said he¡¯s fine, just sleeping for now. Meet him with a smile.¡± Though it was good news to hear, I could not stop the tears from overflowing. We arrived at the hospital sobbing and whispering ¡°Pa.¡± under our voices. We finally arrived at the ward and gazed upon our sleeping father¡¯s body. Our mom was already there sobbing as well. ¡°What happened ma?¡± I asked. ¡°He got into an accident when fetching a customer. Thank god for the air bag or he would not be alive right now. But his leg got injured when he smashed it against the pedal.¡± We sat around him and just stared, as if waiting for a response from him even when no question was asked. ¡°What happened to Pa?!¡± My brother ran in, sweating profusely with slightly puffy eyes. We all looked at him with no reaction. ¡°He¡¯s okay. Doctor said he should stay here until his leg heals.¡± My mom replies. We all continued to sit around him and stare, as if he would wake up right away. Soon, my mom and sister fall asleep. I continued to stay in the ward after my mom and sister went back home to rest. My brother soon left cause he had to study. I was in charge of updating them if he came to. A few hours passed and I checked my phone to saw 300 unseen messages and 10 missed calls. Five from Pierre, Four from Jing and one from June. My eyes looked at the time, ¡°1700¡± I opened up my chat with Pierre. I read all the messages he sent and he ended it off at 3.40pm. ¡°She said yes to my confession! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME BUDDY! CYA TMR!¡± Weirdly enough, I could feel something burning inside of me again but this time it was a bit different. It was overshadowed by the intense feeling of sorrow. Soon, I went back home and cried myself to sleep. Nothing works out. Nothing just ever works out. - The next day, I was excused from going to school so I just went to the hospital to visit my dad. Upon reaching, I saw something talking to my dad. A tall and familiar man. However, my eyes laid on my father instead and instantly lit up with joy. ¡°Pa you¡¯re awake.¡± I smiled slightly. ¡°Eh why are you here? No school today meh?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I can use parent¡¯s letter for today no need to worry.¡± I looked at my side and laid my eyes upon the man. ¡°Joo?¡± We both stared at each other but somehow, I felt like I was the only one who was shocked. ¡°Oh ya I forgot to tell you, a few days ago we got a new neighbour. He lives at the last house at the hallway. From Korea eh, you like the songs from there right.¡± My face turned red in a flash when I realized my secret has been revealed. He noticed my reaction and quickly cleared up. ¡°Don¡¯t worry your father told me before. I haven¡¯t told anyone else.¡± I sighed in relief. Out of the blue, a thought popped into my mind. ¡°Joo¡­ Are you sure you should be out here today? You didn¡¯t look well yesterday.¡± I could see him start to panic a bit as he averted his eyes to avoid eye contact. ¡°Oh.. um¡­ I got an MC and medicine yesterday so I¡¯m feeling just fine.¡± Just then, my phone ringed and I saw the group chat with Jing, June and Pierre. ¡°@khim why didnt you come to school today :( you should congratulate my successful confession with @jing¡± Pierre typed. I could not help but frown at this message as my heart once again, ached. But this time, I saw something weird. ¡°Joo¡­ Are you okay? Why are you clutching your heart?¡± All I saw, was the sight of Hong Joo, sweating profusely, flushed red and groaning in pain. Day 3 (continuation): My Curiosity There it was again, the excruciating pain in my heart. Was the guardian being serious about the whole ¡®reincarnation¡¯ thing? ¡°I¡¯m fine. Just a bit dizzy.¡± Taking deeper breaths, I slowed my breathing down and concentrated on the pain. It took a while but thankfully, it got to the point where it was bearable. ¡°So¡­ What are you doing here Ash- Khim- What do I call you?¡± She shrugged. ¡°Either one is fine. I¡¯m here for my dearest dad there. Mr Yi already knows what happened so I¡¯m excused for school today.¡± I nodded in understanding. So much happened yesterday¡­ Maybe a little too much¡­ ¡°Oh! Uh¡­ Khim?¡± She smiled. ¡°Can I ask you a question?¡± ¡°Go ahead.¡± ¡°Why do you and Jing- I mean Valery, call each other by your surnames?¡± She let out a slight laugh. ¡°There¡¯s no real reason for that. We just felt like it would be nice to call each other by our surnames. For me, I just wanted to feel more special to her so that¡¯s why I chose to call her by her last name. Oh yeah, it¡¯s more convenient too!¡± Suddenly, her phone dinged. I took a peek at her screen and saw a message notification. ¡°@khim oi you see my message never reply so mean for what sia :(¡° from Pierre. She quickly switched off her phone and sighed. ¡°You okay?¡± I asked. She looked up at me, bits of shock reflecting in her eyes. ¡°W-What do you mean?¡± ¡°You like Pierre right?¡± In a split second, I witnessed her desperately trying to keep her cool. ¡°Huh? No. Why would I like him? You okay bro?¡± Her expression was as calm and peaceful as a river, yet her actions showed every single ounce of panic in them. Her body shaking slightly like a volcano about to erupt. A face so flushed you would mistake her for being sick. And lastly, the grip around her phone tightened. Being a dreamcatcher, I had to look after Ash, her family and her ancestors for the past few centuries. Amidst my observations, I picked up a lot of Ash¡¯s mannerisms. One being when she¡¯s nervous. Her face flushes without her knowing, her body shaking ever so slightly only a fly would notice it. The one that always gave it away was her habit of gripping something tighter. Be it her phone, her clothes or even just tightening her fist. She always hid these habits from her closest friends to make sure they would not notice and fortunately for her, no one ever did. This was one of the reasons why I liked her so much. Every time she hid those habits, it felt more like a silent cry for help, for someone to finally notice it and console her. ¡°Khim, it¡¯s okay to like him.¡± Though it felt mean to do this, I knew I had to. For her to get over him. It was my duty as a dreamcatcher, to see my clan members to the afterlife. Tears formed up in her eyes as she grabbed my hand. ¡°Come here for a second.¡± I could feel the heartache again. This time it wasn¡¯t as painful or aggressive, it was just there, aching and aching. She dragged me out of the hospital and sat me down on a bench. ¡°Geez it¡¯s been like four hours and I¡¯m crying again.¡± She said while wiping her tears. ¡°And you, it¡¯s only been two days since you joined yet you found out before literally anyone. What is with you?¡± She stared at me with her puffy eyes. ¡°It¡¯s easy to see with your mannerisms. Or maybe your friends are just blind.¡± She laughed to herself. ¡°They probably are.¡± She took a deep breath, reaching into her bag for a packet of tissue. ¡°You know Joo, I only made friends with Pierre last year. You see, I wasn¡¯t a very welcoming person in general. I only ever had girlfriends and no guy friends cause I was a very close-minded person. I couldn¡¯t take small jokes that the guys in my class always cracked up so when I got to my sec 3 class, I promised myself to drop the act and be more friendly. Yet I couldn¡¯t make any guy friends let alone friends in general. I always just stuck by Jing and her clique. But in sec 4, I got closer to Pierre. We talked every day and eventually became best friends. I felt like he just understood me so well. I told him about my problems all the time and he always comforted me. We hung out with Jing all the time and one day, I just discovered that I liked him. No special occasion, it just suddenly popped in my head that I liked him. Two months after that, he tells me he likes Jing. It just hurt. It hurt so much.¡± She sniffled and continued wiping her tears. ¡°Since Jing and Pierre were both my best friends, I just tried to give up on my feelings. I tried so hard. Every day I try to avoid Pierre a little and push them together.¡± The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. She paused for a second and looked at the ground. ¡°I always do things I regret. When you first joined the school, I purposely went with you so that he would be alone with Jing. Even though I did that, it still hurt.¡± With a hefty sigh, she stopped. ¡°Sorry for dragging you out here and blabbing on about my life. I just thought that since you already knew of my crush, I should tell you everything. You can forget it though, it¡¯s nothing really special anyways.¡± Ash Khim always does things she regrets. Things like signing up for activities in the spur of the moment, making impulsive purchases for one-month hobbies, and worst of all, ignore her own needs. In the past 17 years, I observed Khim torture herself. Her fights with her parents, her fights with herself. All her breakdowns about nothing and everything. However, at the end of the day, she never picked an option that would please both sides, she always picked the one that did not benefit her in any way. I took a deep breath as I got ready to talk to her. ¡°Khim. Do you want me to help you with Pierre?¡± ¡°Huh? There¡¯s no need to though, he¡¯s already with Jing and that will just inconvenience you.¡± ¡°No no. I mean help you get over him.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. I¡¯m all good now.¡± It was time to pull out my trump card. ¡°You know there''s this very good way to get over people? I think it''s perfect for you. It¡¯s to sing it all out!¡± Her face changed in an instant. ¡°Yo, you kidding me? Wait why do you think it¡¯s perfect for me? Don¡¯t tell me¡­¡± ¡°Your dad told me about your busking hobbies. A pretty cool thing I might say.¡± I could see the shock on her face. ¡°You- Uh- I- Uh- Did you tell anyone? Please say no¡­¡± I shook my head. ¡°Thank god. Don¡¯t tell Jing or Pierre or anyone please! Wah that pa! I didn¡¯t think he exposed my busking hobby too!¡± ¡°Yeah don¡¯t worry I won¡¯t tell them. It¡¯s probably embarrassing for you right?¡± She nodded slightly. "So this sing it all out thing, does it really work?¡± ¡°Mhmm.¡± Thousands of memories came rushing back. Memories of my past life came flooding back. The day I died, I was singing out the sorrow cause of that incident. A few seconds of silence passed by. ¡°I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re doing this but uh¡­ Thanks for offering to help.¡± - Today ended in a huge success. I found out the reason why she called Valery by her surname, I learnt the backstory of her and Pierre. For now, I should head back for the meeting with the guardian. When she told me I was going to reincarnate, we got interrupted by Kris so I couldn¡¯t hear all the details. I reached home and quickly went to the bathroom. ¡°Call upon the guardian.¡± Like a movie, water droplets started to float up into the silhouette. As beautiful and magical it was, I wanted it to finish forming so I could hear the details. ¡°Afternoon Joo.¡± ¡°Afternoon M¡¯Lady.¡± She smiled. ¡°Feeling better today?¡± I nodded. ¡°Feeling a lot better. Haven¡¯t fainted yet.¡± ¡°Alright let¡¯s get down to business. Remember what I told you yesterday?¡± ¡°Yes yes now please fill me in on the details.¡± ¡°Okay Joo. During the guardian¡¯s meeting, I brought up your issue to them and the guardian of angels knew about this situation. He had an angel who once was a dreamcatcher. He could also feel his client¡¯s heartbeat.¡± ¡°Wait. An angel who was once a dreamcatcher? Isn¡¯t that impossible?¡± The guardian nodded. ¡°Yes, it is. It¡¯s not allowed in the heavens at all. He became an angel because he reincarnated and passed away in the overworld. When he passed away, he chose to become an angel and serve the guardian. That person experienced the same thing as you. He could feel his client¡¯s heartbeat, every time his client was upset, he could feel their pain or sorrow within him. This is because he reincarnated after a century in the same clan. He took his client¡¯s place and role in the family in the next century.¡± With so much information, it felt like my brain was gonna rip apart. ¡°Hold on hold on. So when khim dies, I¡¯m going to be reincarnated into her clan in 100 years? WHAT?!¡± My entire head was messed up. Why is this happening? Why must I be reincarnated? Me of all people. I don¡¯t want to be reincarnated. I don¡¯t want to. ¡°Joo! Calm down!¡± I looked up at the water form of the guardian. ¡°Is there any way to avoid this? I don¡¯t want to be reincarnated! Please stop this! Please!¡± I cried. I could feel the guardian pitying me from above. ¡°Joo I¡¯m sorry but there''s no way to stop this¡­ I know your feelings regarding reincarnation but we have no way to stop this from happening.¡± It felt like my entire world was spinning. No- it felt more like I was the only one spinning but the world was all still. ¡°I¡­ Is there anything more I should know?¡± The guardian frowned. ¡°For now no. You should go rest up Joo. Remember, if you experience anything out of the ordinary, call upon the guardian okay?¡± ¡°Yes¡­.¡± I sat in the toilet adjusting my breathing. After what felt like hours, I finally calmed down. That night, my heartache immensely. But, I did not know whether it was from her pain or my own. Day 4: The Song It wasn''t supposed to be love It was never supposed to be I fooled myself many times before, but my heart keeps on calling you Before I tried to run away I tried to push a step away But even then you were growing bigger inside me "Still by Lee Hong Ki" I scrubbed down on my post-it. A potential song to sing. I sighed deeply before folding the paper into half. No no no no, it''s not good enough¡­ I stare at the whiteboard as my finger continued to toy with the paper, eventually making a paper rose. I gaze down on my table. One..Two...Five...T-Ten?! In a span of five minutes, I had already went through 10 potential songs to sing to get over this pathetic crush. I had wasted 10 perfectly good piece of paper as well. "Yo Khim! What are you- What the... Class haven''t even start and you already made 10?" I stared at Pierre, troubled. This stupid, dense, shi- Ahem. "You want some of them? Or even better, take all of them." He shook his head. "Nah no thanks. I still have five left in my pencil case from last time." I averted my gaze towards the whiteboard trying to avoid eye contact with him. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. How is it possible to hate yet like someone so much? My fingers played around with the flowers, tossing them in the air and pushing them back and forth. Without noticing, 30 minutes of the first period had already passed. "Ash? What''s your answer for question three?" I jolted up. "Ah yes!" My hands frantically searched my entire table for my worksheet. "My answer was 36.7cm2." Mr Yi nodded in reply. "Sit down." I sat back down, resuming my daydream. "Khim ENNNN!" Again I jolted up. "I need to lock the classroom bro, hurry up." I quickly checked the clock. 12.05 p.m. It''s already recess¡­ What am I doing with my life¡­ "Khim you good? I called you like five times just now and you didn''t even budge. You were just staring at the flowers bro." Jing asked. "Yeah I''m good. I was just uh.. Thinking about my history paper haha. I just don''t know how to do well for the SRQ part so I was trying to come up with ideas on how to practice it." "Ahhh makes sense. You always fold flowers when something is bothering you. Reminds me of that time with Tracy-" I cut her off with a cold, stern voice. "Can we not¡­ talk about her?" A moment of silence dwells upon us when Jing finally cuts it. "Why can''t we talk about her though¡­ Sure you haven''t talked to her in a few months but don''t you want things to go back to the way they were last time? I know I want that, but because of you it''s awkward now¡­" I continued walking in silence. Though my outer appearance was calm and cold, my insides were burning with rage and sorrow. "And why do you not want to be friends with her anyways. I mean I get that she was rude sometimes but like-" I stopped in my tracks. "Yo are you actually serious right now?" My voice came out harsher than I thought it would. "Nevermind. I need to pee. You can go to the canteen first." I walked off without looking at Valery''s face. Despite my sorry excuse of trying to escape the tension with Valery, I genuinely had to pee. Quickly making my way to the toilet, I pass by 5A2''s classroom and make eye contact with some students. A few were my old classmates from Secondary 4 but 1 on particular was someone I did not want to see, ever. There I see Tracy Ong, sitting with my old friends and laughing her troubles away. I take a quick glance at her wrist. Nothing new¡­ That''s good. After relieving myself, I headed towards the carpark and sat at the side. My finger made it way to my own wrist. As I stare at the carriage numbers and breathe in the very polluted air, my fingernails dig deeper and deeper into my skin. Not once did I wince, only continuing to dig deeper till I had no more strength or will to resume. In this blazing hot sun The girl wears a jacket Not for warmth, not for comfort But for the shame she felt. The bell rang. I pulled the sleeves of my windbreaker to cover my wrist and headed back to class Day 4 (continuation): Her song The first thing I see is Valery walking towards us sighing. "You''ve been sighing a lot lately. Anything wrong?" Pierre asks. Valery replied by shaking her head. "It''s nothing." She paused for a second. "I want to ask you guys something." Pierre''s eyes perk up in interest, softly begging her to ask the question. "If both your best friends aren''t friends with each other what would you do?" Ash Khim''s memories started playing in my head like one teen movie, at least to me. But to her, it was a plain, painful reality. 2018, Tracy Ong, Ash Khim and Valery Jing were the best of friends. One day while studying together for the end of year exams, Ash spots something peculiar on Tracy''s body, specifically her wrist. Like an anchor in the ocean, her heart sank deeper than she thought it ever could. So many words wanted to spill out yet so little came out. The young girl tried to compose herself before asking the question. Her entire body shook as if an earthquake was taking place. "Lynn, w-what is that on your arm?" Ash called out Tracy''s baptism name. "Oh this?" Tracy lifted her wrist. "You just noticed? This was here since Tuesday." Ash''s mind experienced great turmoil. It has? How did I not notice it? What kind of friend am I? "I think I''ll just go home today. I can''t focus here." Tracy packed her bag and left the library. Though Ash was having an existential crisis in her head, she grabbed all her books, without packing them and ran after Tracy. "Tracy! Oi stop!¡± Ash¡¯s hands grabbed her shoulder. ¡°What happened? Why didn''t you tell me?" Tracy remained silent and continued walking. "Tracy! Are you not going to tell me?" Ash grabbed her hand but Tracy just shook it off. "I''ll wait until you''re comfortable! Please tell me everything!" Ash begged as she watched Tracy walk onto her bus. That night, I witnessed several things. Ash in a panic, messaged Tracy all these comfort messages such as "You can tell me when you are comfortable." and "Please at least answer me" but to no reply. Moreover, it was the worst cry I have ever heard Ash let out. No words, just plain weeping. The next day, week and month, Tracy avoided any communication with Ash at all. She would talk with all her friends except her. Even when her other friends found out about her self-harm and expressed concern, she continued to talk to them, but not to Ash. Ash began to hate herself for not being able to help her closest friend when she needed help. She continued to blame herself for not looking out for her friend even after they continued talking again. Pierre takes a while to think. ¡°I mean if they aren¡¯t friends now there should be a reason right?¡± ¡°They were best friends before! I just want everything to go back to the way it was.¡± Valery said. I wanted to answer, but it took me a second to gather my thoughts about this situation. I knew what happened before and how much it affected Ash. ¡°I think Pierre is right. There probably was a reason why they don¡¯t talk to each other anymore. You probably want them to talk again and get along but if something big happened, some friendships can¡¯t be saved.¡± Even though Valery didn¡¯t say anything, I could see her eyes saying, ¡°What do you know?¡± and shooting lasers at me. As a dreamcatcher, I always had to be unbiased in any decision since I am a worker in heaven after all. Taking sides was never an option as we always had to remain neutral. However, when watching over Ash as her designated dreamcatcher, and seeing how much her behaviour had changed after her friendship with Tracy ended, I did not appreciate Valery¡¯s thought process. After watching Ash skip meals during recess, not talk to anyone for weeks and accidentally crying in class, I figured Valery would understand her sorrow the most. Yet, she wants Ash to just forget about the scars and trauma she got? Bullshit I said to myself in my head. I got up and left the table. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go to the toilet.¡± I said while walking back to the class blocks. Based on what I observed in heaven, Ash would either be in the toilet or somewhere isolated. I started my small expedition around the school, finding the most isolated area in search of my client. As I walk around the school, the irony hits me like an entire tsunami as I think about what I am doing here. A dreamcatcher should be providing their client dream-like days and yet all she has been experiencing these past four days is heartbreak, pain and sorrow. Nothing less than that. The bell rings as these thoughts run around my head, making me dizzy. I heave a sigh and started walking back to class. As my feet meet the entrance of the classroom, I look up to spot Ash khim sitting at her table, with her head down. The noisy hallway of the classrooms filled my ears as I stare at her. ¡°What are you doing just standing there Joo? Madam Hong is at the corner of the hallway. You should hurry up and sit down.¡± Valery says as she appears behind me without any sound. She sits down but not before staring at Ash for a good five seconds. My eyes switched between the both of them as if picking what food choice to eat at a restaurant. Though my mouth was sealed, my heart spoke to me. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Talk to her today. Do your job. Would it be bad timing to say I was pumped? - ¡°Remember to complete exercise 2.5 and submit it to Chloe by tomorrow. Thank you class!¡± ¡°Thank you Mr Hamzah.¡± The tiresome voices of the students echoed around the entire school. 2.30 p.m., school has ended for all the sec five students. My client and her best friend are currently in a silent war and I am here to hopefully solve the issue. I turned in Ash¡¯s direction and took a deep breath. Come on Hong Joo. You are 1004 years old. You have done this at least 20 times. What¡¯s there to be nervous for? Before I even knew it, my brain did the work for me and I started walking toward her. ¡°Yo uh- Khim! Come here for a sec.¡± I grabbed her arm and walked towards the staircase behind the classroom block. ¡°Yo yo relax. Don¡¯t need to pull my arm bro.¡± She shook my arm off. ¡°What do you want to talk about?¡± She asked. ¡°It¡¯s about the song.¡± The scowl on her face relaxed. ¡°Oh yeah¡­ I had 10 contenders. I had¡­ All of them aren¡¯t amazing or so. Plus they are all in Korean or Japanese. Some even Chinese and I¡¯m barely fluent in that¡­¡± My heartbeat quickened as I opened my mouth. ¡°I think we should address another problem of yours right now¡­¡± There it was again, a pinch of heartache. Though this time, it wasn¡¯t from her, it was from me. Not from love or pain, but from fear. ¡°You argued with Valery today right?¡± Her scowl was long gone but a sad smile appeared on her face as she averted her gaze from me. ¡°Ah. That. What about it? Did she tell yall about it? That Jing doesn¡¯t know how to keep her mouth shut.¡± Then she looked back, right into my eyes. ¡°I mean don¡¯t you think it¡¯s a bit ridiculous? If I have a problem with someone, I would tell them. If I get emotionally hurt by someone I cared about for years and years, isn¡¯t it okay to just¡­ give up sometimes? And not only that, I broke off my friendship with her but I didn¡¯t tell Jing to do anything! I don¡¯t care if they remain friends or not! I just don¡¯t want to be friends with Tracy anymore!¡± I gave her a second to catch her breath. ¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t have good memories of her.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine¡­ Sometimes you just need to talk about it again to set it straight. Nothing wrong.¡± With hesitation, I attempted to bring up my idea again. ¡°So for this problem, I was thinking why not settle this problem with a song first? That way you can get used to it first.¡± The expression on her face changed. ¡°So now I need to think of a song about friendship?¡± It wasn¡¯t even an assignment or exam yet she looked so stressed. ¡°Must it be about friendship?¡± She looked at me. I could feel a bit of her heartache. ¡°Is it that hard?¡± She scoffed and turned away to face me. ¡°I just feel very riled up and nothing comes to my mind.¡± We both stayed silent for a second, thinking about any song choice that can help convey her emotions and also be appropriate for this situation. Breaking the silence, I open my mouth. ¡°Maybe instead of just sticking to a topic like friendship, let¡¯s focus on how you feel.¡± She hummed. ¡°If we are going with feelings, I know how I feel right now. Shitty. And just, just¡­ Just angry. But it¡¯s more of a disappointed kind of angry.¡± She sighed again. ¡°Dude if you sigh anymore your lungs may just pop out.¡± Once I ended my sentence, I got the shock of my life. BANG! ¡°I GOT IT! I KNOW WHAT SONG IS PERFECT FOR ME RIGHT NOW!¡± Her eyes lit up brighter than any star or sun. I could feel the excitement surge through her from her heartbeats. - Her fingers strummed over the strings gently. She cleared her throat slightly and opened her mouth. There, she would sing her feelings out. When I''m away from you I''m happier than ever Wish I could explain it better I wish it wasn''t true Give me a day or two To think of something clever To write myself a letter To tell me what to do Do you read my interviews? Or do you skip my avenue? When you said you were passing through Was I even on your way? ¡®Happier than Ever¡¯ by Billie Eilish, what a way to interpret the song. Gentle starting and slowly developing the slight anger in her voice. ¡°Hey Joo! What are you doing here?¡± I turn to see Valery right at my side. My eyes grew big as I looked back at Khim, who was unaware and singing her heart out. ¡°Oh hi Valery! I¡¯m listening to this busker. She has a very nice and calming voice.¡± Valery turned to face Khim, listening attentively. I don''t relate to you I don''t relate to you, no ''Cause I''d never treat me this shitty You made me hate this city And I don''t talk shit about you on the internet Never told anyone anything bad ''Cause that shit''s embarrassing, you were my everything And all that you did was make me fucking sad ¡°Ooo she does have a nice voice! Plus I love this song, it¡¯s one of my favourite songs.¡± I just nodded to her comment and continued watching Khim. You ruined everything good Always said you were misunderstood Made all my moments your own Just fucking leave me alone The song ended along with the guitar strums. The audience clapped while Khim adjusted her position. ¡°Thank you for listening to my performance. Unfortunately, that will be the last song for today. Have a great night everyone!¡± I stared at Valery who seemed clueless that her best friend was performing right in front of her. With that, the audience started walking away, all talking about the performance. ¡°Aren¡¯t you going yet Joo?¡± My heart internally panicked as my outer body kept cool. ¡°Nah I still have some errands to run. Just stopped by to watch the performance for a while.¡± Valery nodded and waved to me. ¡°Well then, I¡¯ll be going first! See you at school tomorrow!¡± She started walking away until she stopped. ¡°Oh and¡­ I heard you live in the same neighbourhood as Khim. If you see her please make sure she¡¯s okay.¡± I smiled and answered with another nod. Guess she regrets her words. ¡°Yo Joo, was that Valery? Did she see me? Did she recognise me?!¡± Khim panicked. ¡°Uhhh¡­. I don¡¯t think so? She looked pretty clueless but you did use your voice so she may have noticed.¡± Looking defeated, khim handed me a big black box. ¡°Help me carry this back. I¡¯ll give you 30% of what I got today since you did help me find out my next performance song.¡± I smiled and took the box away from her hands. We walked back towards the apartment block humming the tune of the song. ¡°Thanks, Joo.¡± She whispered. What a way to end the night. Day 5: What I wanted, What I got It was the second day of my fight with Jing and still nothing. I sat anxiously in the classroom, shaking my leg up and down watching her back as if observing a statue in a museum. Is she seriously not going to apologise? Or is she just going to pretend like nothing happened again? The bell rang and thus the horde of hungry teens rushed out the door to buy their food. "Hey Khim! What do you want to eat today? I''m thinking Tom Yim sounds pretty good." Jing was at my table, talking to me. But there she goes again, pretending like nothing happened. Pretending like she did nothing wrong, and like always, I just go along with it. Maybe not this time though. "Tom Yum sounds good. But an apology sounds better." I smiled at her, expecting a shocked or funny face but was met with a pissed expression and her scoffing. "You''re still mad about that? Come on it''s not like I said anything horrible. I just thought you would want to hang out with her again. You know¡­ Like old times? You, me and Tracy all together? Damn I miss those times. We were all cool and it''s not a big deal so why can''t you just-" I felt a stinging pain in my hand, accompanied by the loud echo of a table being slammed. She stopped to look at me. "Yo bro why did you do that? Scared the shit out of me." Before I knew it, the area around my eyes was heating up and tears were at the brink of rolling down my cheeks. "Yo. Are you actually serious? I would think you of all people would know why the hell I don''t want to go back with her, let alone talk to her. Do you remember what I said when I found out about her wounds? I was so scared every single day that something would happen to her and gave her all my concern. I gave her time, care, a safe place but she just treated me like a fucking fly that was bothering her. And months later she comes back and talks to me like nothing happened?" My voice echoed around the classroom and I could feel the stares of multiple people coming from outside the classroom. She readjusted her stance. "At least she came back to you. Unlike you who unfriends people and don''t even say a word. Think about Chloe! You two were the best of friends and one day you just felt that she was annoying and stopped talking to her! Both Tracy and I felt like we were walking on eggshells whenever we talked to her with you around." I took a deep breath and felt my tears escape my eyes. "I told the both of you I didn''t mind yall hanging out, I just wouldn''t be there with yall. You guys were the ones who were so insistent on me hanging out with all of you! Yes, I''m a huge asshole and hypocrite. I know I am! I''m a coward who can''t communicate well with people and I make horrible decisions that affect people too! But this one isn¡¯t out of cowardice¡­ It wasn¡¯t out of annoyance. I got tired of waiting for something that would never come. You know this better than anyone else yet why can''t you understand it! Every time you bring her up I explain the reasons over and over and over again to you but you just seem to not get it. Or do you just not want to understand it? You want to live your life as some happy-go-lucky teen who couldn''t give a second to actually listen to someone''s problems." Like the feeling of getting a papercut, it stung. Where? Everywhere. However, the chances of it recovering soon are unlikely. "People give their all to listen and understand your concerns and sorrows so why can''t you do the same for me? It''s been a year Jing. It''s been one whole fucking year and you still don''t get it." Like shit singing a song can help me get over this feeling. I left the classroom in a hurry and went to the toilet. I locked myself in the cubicle and just reflected. No crying, just thoughts about my words and actions. Ah fuck I shouldn''t have raised my voice- nor slammed the table. I should have just kept calm and shut up about it. My thoughts wandered onto Jing''s expression during the argument. She looked so angry like she wanted to slap me to shut me up. Every second in the cubicle built up a load of guilt. Why the hell did I shout just now. I attracted attention towards her and now people are gonna talk about us. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. My fingers made their way towards my wrist and dug into my skin. Jing was right. I was an asshole who couldn''t understand the feelings of Tracy and Chloe. Unfriending someone cause you found them "annoying"? Who the hell do you think you are Ash Khim? What gives you the right to judge someone based on your feelings? The 30-minute recess always flew by quickly yet today felt like I was waiting for eternity to come. I crouched on the toilet bowl seat and waited to hear the harmonious school bell ring. - 30 minutes finally passed and it was English period. Mr Yi, our form teacher walked in with a stern look on his face. "Today we will be doing Descriptive writing practice. Take out your TYS and foolscap. Do 2019 question 4." He then looked at me. "Ash and Valery, come out for a second." My heart felt heavy as I walked towards the door. "What happened during recess." As a sentence, this may have sounded like he was very concerned but actually, he was angry as hell. His eyes burned through me as if searching for an answer. "It was my fault cher. I said some bad things to Ash that''s why she shouted at me. We''ve made up and everything is fine now." Jing spoke up. "No cher. It was my fault. Jing did nothing wrong. I shouted at her and slammed the table for no reason. I''m sorry for disrupting the lower secondary classes nearby." Mr Yi sighed and I could almost anticipate his response. "What the hell did you think you were doing Ash Khim?!" His rage took over him at the last few words, catching the attention of my classmates inside and the students at the nearby block. Though his shouting did scare me, I did not flinch one bit. "I wasn''t thinking straight Mr Yi. I''m sorry." Like reading off a script, I continued on with my apology. "Write a two-page apology note for wasting the lower sec classes time, Valery''s time, your classmates'' time and my time. Don''t even think about leaving lines or huge gaps in between." I nodded. "Valery go back inside." I looked up in confusion. "You, go to the counsellor''s office. This is not the first time I have witnessed such disruptive behaviour from you. Go and reflect on your actions." I nodded and walked towards the Assembly hall. What usually felt like the end of the world has no effect on me today. Something is wrong. I sat in the counsellor''s office for 1 hour without saying anything. The school counsellor, Madam Joyce, looked at me occasionally while doing her work. "Dear are you okay?" I didn''t answer. "Everyone has bad days. It''s fine to get angry once in a while." my mouth did not budge. Not like I was preventing it or anything, I just felt¡­ tired. The bell rang signalling my return to class. I murmured a soft "Thank you" under my breath out of consideration before leaving the room. Once I reached the classroom, all eyes were on me. It felt like I was getting pricked by a thousand thorns but at the same time, I felt numb, like the pain didn''t actually exist. The stares all came from different people yet they all felt the same, confused, pitiful, irritated. Whispers travelled around the classroom. Most of then just asking "What happened?" or "Did she cry?" while the small percentage explained my outrage during recess. I slumped over on my table and ignored all the murmurs, though it was suffocating. "Didn''t you hear? She slammed the tables and screamed like one maniac during recess and disrupted the lessons nearby. What was she thinking man¡­ She should just hold it in and spent her time studying or sleeping." The constant murmurs filled me to the brim and were about to explode. My hands covered my ears as I stared off into space. Like lightning, eternity struck me again, school finally ended. I wanted to go home but at the same time, I did not want to. I just wanted to be alone and have some peace to myself. I left the classroom walking slowly. I boarded the bus and waited till I finally got to my destination. A shopping mall with an accessible rooftop. It was the go-to hangout spot where my friends and I would always visit. We would chat all night about life and our troubles. Too bad those friends went onto other schools and left me behind. I looked at the bright blue sky and took a deep breath. Nothing changed. Feeling a burden on my shoulder, I put down my backpack and stood on the chair, looking down onto the ground. I put my foot up on the ledge. It looks like a long fall. A long fall to reach the cold, hard ground. If I fell from here, would I die? Or would I just break a bone? My vision narrowed and my head spiralled. Woah it suddenly looks so close. Should I try to reach it? I never knew a floor could look so tempting¡­ Maybe¡­ Maybe¡­ It wouldn''t hurt to try. I got nothing to lose anyways¡­ My friends, my family¡­ My family? My family¡­ I felt a buzz in my pocket. "Ma" flashed onto my face as it started to burn up. I answered the call. "Hello Ma?" Tears ran down my face as I tried to steady my breathing. "Hello monkey? Did you get off school yet? Jiejie is going to fetch you so we can visit Papa. He woke up a few days ago and is craving my porridge haha." I gulped. "Ah I got off school a while ago, I went to Soleil Mall to check out the bookstore. You can tell jie to come here." I could hear the happiness in my mom''s voice. "Ah okay, go down to the taxi stand first, Jiejie will be there in 15 minutes." I held my breath and just said "Mhmm." "Okok, see you later monkey, mama loves you." There and then, I broke silently. "I love you too. See you later." What was I about to do. I wiped my tears and turned around only to see Joo and Pierre. Pierre''s eyes were bloodshot red and Joo was on the brink of tears. "What the shit were you gonna do!" Pierre shouted. "I''m sorry." I cried. Tears kept rolling down and they weren''t stopping. "I''m so sorry!" I yelled. Pierre walked towards me and brought me into a big hug. "It''s okay. As long as you''re okay then it''s fine. Please don''t do that again." I bawled my eyes out for 10 minutes just repeatedly apologising, not to them but to myself. I''m sorry Ash Khim, for what I was about to do.