《Youth Unsupervised》


 Chapter 1- Brief Encounters

    "Do you think we got enough?" Hiromasa asked, heading down the dimly lit platform towards the underground train stop.


    "Obviously." I held up the two plastic bags stuffed to the brim with snacks and candy. "You know you''re only staying for one night, right?"


    "I can''t help that I have a big appetite," he said.


    We stopped to wait for the train. There were only a few people waiting, but I suppose it was pretty late at night. You wouldn''t usually catch two thirteen year-old boys out this late by themselves, but snack runs are important business.


    "Remind me again why we had to get on a train for snacks in the first place?" I asked.


    He set his two bags down, then pulled out a red bag of potato chips and held it up. "Because they don''t have the pizza flavored ones near your house."


    "That''s probably because they''re disgusting," I said.


    Hiromasa gasped and hugged the chip bag to his chest. "How dare you say that about them." He gave the bag a kiss and stroked it. "It''s ok my lovelies. Don''t listen to him."


    I chuckled.


    Shiganori Hiromasa. We had been best friends since kindergarten. He had always been a goofy guy with messy hair and a cheesy smile. I''m not really sure why he picked me as his playmate. He was friendly and nice to everyone, so he could have chosen to play with anyone, but for some reason he picked me, the quiet kid sitting alone in the corner.


    We had always been nearly identical in build and size, but his hair had always been a lot thicker than mine. Plus, I don¡¯t think I could mimic that grin of his if I tried.


    We were getting ready to start yet another sleepover. This was probably the fourteenth one this summer already. They usually took place at my house. My parents worked a lot, so there was no one there to tell us to keep it down, when to go to sleep, or to lay off the junk food.


    "Hey, Kaito." Hiromasa tapped my shoulder and pointed.


    I followed his finger to a girl with long black hair standing only a few feet away from the edge of the platform. She looked about our age, but I couldn''t see her face. Her feet inched over the yellow line on the floor. Why was she getting so close?


    "She''s got really pretty hair," Hiromasa said. "I wonder if she''s got a pretty face too."


    He bent his neck a little and leaned forward, as if that was going to give him a vantage point at all. The train rattled in the distance and the girl''s fists tightened. It clicked in my head all of the sudden, like someone turning on a light. She was going to jump.


    I dropped the bags and dashed towards her. It was like one of those dreams where you''re trying so hard to run, but you hardly get anywhere, like you''re stuck in mud. Time seemed to slow down. The seconds it took to reach her seemed to stretch on for hours. All I could hear was my own heart hammering away in my ears while I held my breath, praying I¡¯d make it in time.


    Her body tensed as she prepared to jump. I grabbed her arm, pulling her back just as the train went speeding past.


    It slowed to a stop and the doors opened. People got in, I guess. I wasn''t really paying attention. I couldn''t tear my gaze away from the girl''s eyes. She was staring so intently back at me. I expected her to be crying, but she wasn''t. Her eyes were perfectly clear and focused. For just a second, I felt like I saw her, really saw her. There was so much loneliness and rejection hidden behind her gaze. I''d seen those eyes before. I¡¯d seen them every morning in the mirror for as far back as I could remember.


    Hiromasa cheered and slapped me on the back. "Nice save. That was a close one."


    I didn''t answer him.


    "You can probably let go of her arm now," he said.


    I snatched my hand back. "Right. Sorry. Are you alright?¡±


    She nodded, not breaking her gaze with me. ¡°I must have tripped.¡±


    That was wrong. I knew I wasn¡¯t imagining things. She didn¡¯t simply lose her balance. I was sure of that. Was she embarrassed or did she simply want to avoid answering questions?


    The doors closed and the train went speeding off.


    Hiromasa groaned. "Now we have to wait again."


    Did he not realize what almost happened? Maybe it was just easier to accept a convenient lie over the truth.


    "What''s your name?" I asked.


    "Higoshi Saki," she answered softly.


    I forced myself to finally tear my gaze away from hers. "Do you live around here?"


    She nodded.


    "Do you want us to walk you home?" I asked.


    She looked down and shook her head.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    I was out of my depth. Maybe I should¡¯ve found a police officer. I was sure she shouldn¡¯t be left alone, but they probably would¡¯ve just called her parents and taken her home anyway. There was only one alternative I could think of.


    "Do you want to come home with us?" I blurted out without taking time to consider how completely inappropriate it sounded.


    She looked up and nodded slowly.


    Hiromasa gasped and squealed. "We get to have a girl at the sleepover."


    I shook my head. That guy has always been bad at keeping his cool.


    "I''m Nagase Kaito, by the way." I pointed to Hiromasa. "That''s Shiganori Hiromasa."


    "Nice to meet you." He grinned.


    She nodded.


    I wondered if she was always this quiet or it was simply her reaction to the current situation.


    I walked over and gathered up the bags I dropped. Then the three of us stood waiting for the next train. No one said anything. Hiromasa was usually pretty outgoing and chatty, but I think she was probably making him nervous. It was an awkward train ride too. The walk to my house from the station was equally as quiet. It was starting to seem like this had been a bad idea after all.


    Should I insist that she went home? Her parents might be worried. But what if they were the reason she was out there so late trying to step out in front of trains?


    I unlocked the door and we all went in. We took off our shoes and ascended the stairs to my room. I opened the door and we all went inside. Hiromasa and I set our bags down against the wall. Saki looked around, but didn''t move far from the entrance. The room was pretty standard with all the usual stuff: A bed, desk, bookshelf, rug, TV. Still, she looked intrigued. Even though I had a bed, Hiromasa and I always laid out futons in front of the TV.


    "You can make yourself comfortable," I said. "I have another futon in the hall closet. Hold on."


    When I returned with the futon and extra blanket, Hiromasa and Saki were still standing awkwardly near the doorway.


    I sighed. This was going to be a long night.


    I kneeled down and started to unroll the futon.


    "What do you think you''re doing?" Hiromasa asked.


    "What?" I looked up at him.


    "Why should you get to sleep next to her?"


    I sighed. "What are you talking about?"


    "I''m talking about you putting her over here." He pointed to the space next to his futon.


    "What makesyouso special?" I asked.


    He got down and crawled over to me.


    "I saw her first," he said quietly.


    "Well, I''m the one who saved her," I sneered.


    "Fine," Hiromasa growled. "I''ll play you rock, paper, scissors for it."


    He held out a fist. I nodded and held out mine. We chanted the song and held out our hands, both choosing paper. We tried again. I held out rock and he picked scissors.


    "Ha! I win." I grinned.


    "No way," he said. "Best two out of three."


    I laughed. "Yeah right."


    "Those are the rules," he said. "When have we ever played with only one win?"


    I rolled my eyes. "You''re just making stuff up."


    "I am not!"


    "Excuse me," Saki said quietly from the doorway.


    We both looked over at her.


    "I could just sleep in the middle," she said, squeezing her arm.


    A problem solver and a mediator. I liked her already. I slid my futon over and put hers in the middle. Hiromasa moved back and sat on his futon, tapping Saki''s with a grin. She smiled and walked over slowly, then sat down with her legs hugged into her chest. It got quiet again.


    "Do you like video games?" I asked finally.


    She shrugged.


    "Never played before?" I asked.


    She shook her head. I leaned over to switch on the TV and load up a game. I passed a controller to Hiromasa and grabbed one of my own.


    "This one is a fighting game. It''s pretty easy. You just have to press buttons and drain the other person''s health bar." I sat back on my futon. "You watch me for the first match and then you can try."


    "Yeah, watch him if you want to watch someone lose," Hiromasa scoffed.


    "Oh please," I said. "When have you ever won?"


    "I win lots," he insisted.


    "Whatever," I said.


    We played the match and I kicked Hiromasa''s ass, naturally.


    "Lucky," Hiromasa said, after it was over.


    I rolled my eyes and handed the controller to Saki. "You get it now, right?"


    She nodded.


    Hiromasa and Saki started the match. She actually wasn''t doing that bad for someone who had never played before, but Hiromasa overwhelmed her in the first round.


    "Hey, Higoshi." I gestured at her to come closer.


    She leaned in and I whispered a simple combo in her ear.


    "What are you two whispering about over there?" Hiromasa asked.


    The round started and Saki used the combo I taught her over and over without mercy. Hiromasa groaned when he lost. I whispered another combo in Saki''s ear and she used it to win the match.


    Hiromasa threw the controller down. "You''re cheating!"


    "I am not. That''s how you''re supposed to play," I said.


    "What would you know?" he asked, leaning over to me.


    "I know it works every time against your stupid button mashing," I said, bringing my face up to his.


    "Screw you, asshole!" he shouted.


    Saki started cracking up behind us. We looked over at her. She put her hand over her mouth, but couldn''t stop laughing.


    Hiromasa sat back and clicked his tongue. "Well, I guess as long as she''s having fun."


    Saki''s laugh trailed off. "Don''t feel bad. I only won because of Nagase''s combos."


    I think that was only her second full sentence of the night.


    "Well, whatever." Hiromasa said and sighed. "I still can''t believe I lost to a girl."


    Saki and I cracked up.


    "She''s never even played before," I said.


    Saki and I laughed harder.


    "Screw you guys!" Hiromasa folded his arms.


    His attitude only made us laugh more. Hiromasa sighed and pulled one of the plastic bags filled with snacks towards him. He took out his pizza potato chips and popped them open.


    "Higoshi, do you like pizza flavor?" he asked, holding the bag out to her.


    She nodded and took one. "Thank you."


    He stuck his tongue out at me and I rolled my eyes.


    We spent the rest of the night playing video games and eating snacks. I switched the fighting game out for a racing one at some point. I didn''t want to give her anything too complicated. She wasn''t exactly talkative, but at least it wasn''t all head gestures like before. We played and ate until we couldn''t stop yawning and our eyes got heavy. Eventually, we settled into our futons without even bothering to get changed or brush our teeth.


    In the morning, when I woke up, Higoshi was gone. She left a note on her futon that said, "Thanks for everything." It was signed it with a smiley face. We didn''t see her after that.


    For the next few months, when we got to the train station, my eyes would search for her, but she never showed up. I really hoped she was fine, that maybe that night made some sort of difference to her and she wouldn''t try to do anything terrible to herself again. I never got a chance to ask her why someone so young felt like there was no way out, no one to turn to. I didn¡¯t bring up her suicide attempt to Hiromasa or anyone else. If anyone did take it seriously, she would probably just deny it like she had that first night.


    For reasons I couldn¡¯t explain, I found myself thinking about her long after she¡¯d disappeared. We¡¯d only spent a few hours together, but I¡¯d never felt such an instant connection with anyone, not even Hiromasa.


    Every wish I ever made for the next three years, whether it was on birthday candles, a shooting star, or at a shrine, went exactly the same: Higoshi Saki, wherever you are, I hope you¡¯re safe and happy.

 Chapter 2-Anomaly

    I awoke to my phone alarm and reached over to grab it off the night stand and turn it off. It was finally here, opening ceremony for my second year of high school. Maybe I should just stay in bed? I let my head fall back onto the pillow and lay there for a minute, then got up with a sigh.


    I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and start my morning routine. It would be the same thing, day after day, week after week, just as it was last year and the year before that. Get ready, go to school, pretend to care, smile, come home, do homework, sit around, go to bed, get up and do it again.


    I didn¡¯t go to school because I wanted to. I went because I knew it''s what I was supposed to do. I tried just hard enough to keep from failing, and because of that, I ended up landing in the middle of the road in everything I did; academics, sports, even stuff like home economics and art. I didn''t join any of the clubs either. I wasn¡¯t looking to compete for colleges. The vocational track was fine with me. That was already going to be more headaches then I wanted to deal with.


    I combed my hair and put on the standard black school uniform. I guess some students might kill for a little color, especially the girls, but I couldn''t care less. My standard breakfast was two simple slices of toast. I actually can cook a little, nothing too fancy, but there hardly seems a point since I''m the only one here.


    When I got into junior high, my parents started staying away more and more. They were both traveling business consultants. That''s actually only met because they were called in to work for the same company. They don''t work together all the time anymore, but they are almost always away. Locally in Japan or abroad, it doesn''t matter.


    It''s not that I think they don''t love me, not exactly. I just think I didn''t really fit into their plans. When I was born, they had to put their careers on hold, now they are free to do as they want.


    I spread some butter on my toast and scarfed it down, then headed to the door, put on my shoes, and grabbed my bag. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out to look at the message. It was from my girlfriend, Kaho. She said she was waiting outside, but I didn''t bother to answer since I was about to head out the door anyway. When I got outside, she was leaning against the wall just outside the front gate. She gave me a wave and a smile when she saw me. Her short auburn hair was done up in pigtails with red ribbon.


    "Hey," I said to her.


    "Morning." She grabbed my hand.


    We started walking hand and hand down the neighborhood sidewalk. I''m sure for normal people this would have produced some sort of excitement or joy, but I didn''t feel a damn thing. I never do. Kaho is sweet and cute. My girlfriends usually are, but they''ve never made my heart skip a beat or given me that butterflies in the stomach feeling. I don''t think it''s their fault either. I always say yes when girls ask me out. It¡¯s not that I particularly like them or dislike them, but I just can¡¯t bring myself to turn them down. I think of the rejection in their faces after they worked up the courage to ask and I just can¡¯t say no. I keep hoping that at some point I''ll develop feelings for them, but this never seems to happen. I don''t expect to get flustered or anything, just something subtle.


    I¡¯m not sure why people continue to ask me out. I¡¯m not particularly attractive, nor do I have any skills that might stand out. Maybe some people just have a drive to try and fix things that are broken, even if they don¡¯t realize it themselves.


    Girls might be the only category in which I don''t hit dead average. I did manage to pull a little ahead of the race there, all thanks to Izumo Yokota. She was in her last year of high school when I was in my first. Her specialty was finding lonely first years like me and, "break them in", as she so lovingly called it, not that I ever complained. After a while, she would get bored and cast her toy aside for a new one.


    "Hey, I was thinking," Kaho said. "I¡¯m busy for a while after school, but do you want to go get something to eat later this evening? You know, to celebrate the first day?"


    "Sure," I said. "That sounds great."


    It didn¡¯t. It sounded like it was going to be a lot of effort, but who am I to ruin a nice girl''s time?


    ¡°Given any thought to what club you might join this year?¡± she asked.


    ¡°Hm.¡± I forced my face into a serious expression. ¡°Well, I did so well in it last year, I¡¯m thinking about continuing in the ¡®going home club¡¯.¡±


    ¡°You jerk.¡± She shoved me playfully. ¡°I thought you were going to answer me seriously. Why don¡¯t you join the photography club with me?¡±


    I shrugged. ¡°Doesn¡¯t sound like my kind of thing.¡±


    ¡°Do you even have a thing?¡± she asked.


    I smirked. ¡°You¡¯ve got me there. How about I think about it?¡±


    She seemed satisfied with that, which was good, because honestly, I don¡¯t know that I could keep up my pretending to give a crap charade for much longer than I already did. I was usually pretty drained by the end of the day.


    We walked the rest of the way to school together while she filled me in about the parts of her spring break that I''d missed along the way. When we got there, we reported to the school gymnasium for opening ceremony and sat down in the crowded room along with the other students.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    I looked around at my peers while the principle, teachers, and select students all gave their speeches. They all looked so enthusiastic, so excited to start a new school year. Kaho even smiled most of the time. I must¡¯ve been missing something basic. It happened that way year after year. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves without any effort at all, while I just went through the motions.


    I¡¯m not sure exactly when it started, but before I knew it, I found myself having to force myself to smile at things I knew should make me happy, laugh at things I knew should be funny, seem unhappy at things that should be sad. It¡¯s not like I felt nothing at all, I just had to work at it a little harder than most.


    After the ceremony concluded, we all filed into our designated classrooms. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around.


    "Hey," Hiromasa said. "Excited for our second year?" He smiled.


    He was as bright and cheerful as ever. Maybe that''s why we had been friends so long. His excitable personality was a great contrast to my apathetic attitude. He was the only one that I actually legitimately enjoyed being around anymore; the only one I didn¡¯t have to force myself in front of. He still had his cheesy smile and messy hair, but had chosen to dye it a light orange when high school started in an effort to stand out to the girls. It hadn''t worked.


    "I guess." I said. "Where did you want to sit?"


    Hiromasa started to scan the room. I looked too, not that I really cared. It¡¯s not like I had any friends besides Hiromasa anyway. Kaho had a different homeroom, so she wasn''t even a factor.


    My eyes stopped on a girl with long black hair sitting in the back corner by the window. Her chin rested on her palm while she stared out at the school yard absent mindedly. Was it her? Higoshi Saki? It was. I was sure of it. My breath caught in my throat and my heart came alive in my chest. I started walking without even meaning to, leaving Hiromasa behind to take the seat next to her in the back.


    She didn''t look my way at all, just continued to stare out the window. She was certainly as quiet as I remembered, but I couldn¡¯t get a good look at her face. Should I say something? I could introduce myself. That wouldn''t be too weird, right? What if it wasn¡¯t her? I didn¡¯t want to come off as desperate. It''s not like I was really looking for a new girlfriend or a friend of any sort. I turned around and faced forward, deciding to stay where I was at least. If it wasn''t her, oh well. Sitting next to a pretty girl all year probably wouldn''t be the worst choice I''d make.


    Hiromasa took the seat next to me, confusion written all over his face. Didn''t he recognize her? No? Maybe I was wrong.


    A middle aged man entered the classroom. I''d had him for math classes before, although never as a homeroom teacher. He was strict in his teaching method, but as long as you did what you were supposed to, he could also be very friendly. The students who were still wandering around found their seats.


    "Hello, everyone." He stepped in front of the podium at the front. "I am Mr. Nagashima. I will be your homeroom teacher. Since you''re all second years, I expect high school life is familiar to you now, so we should have a good year. If anyone has any concerns, please don''t hesitate to come see me." He paused. "It looks like we have some new faces this year. Let''s go around the room and introduce ourselves, starting with the front row here." He gestured at the guy sitting in seat closest to the door. "Stand up and say your name. Feel free to add anything else you want. We should get to know one another."


    Good. Introductions. This would work. I would know for sure if it was her now. But if he was starting all the way over there, I was going to have to wait a while. I settled into my chair.


    Most students stood up and said their name, then added a little something extra about themselves, like what they were interested in or clubs they''d joined. Some even said something funny or cute.


    When Hiromasa stood up, he added, "Single" at the end of his name. This got quite a few laughs and even a chuckle from the teacher. When my turn arrived, I merely said my name and sat down. I don''t have any interests and I''m not funny or cute. I looked over at my mystery girl. She hadn''t moved at all. Maybe it really wasn''t her.


    When it was finally her turn, she didn''t say anything.


    "Last, but not least," Nagashima prompted.


    She turned her eyes to the front, but didn''t bother getting up or even lifting her head off her hand. "Higoshi Saki."


    My lips spread into a smile I didn¡¯t have to force. It was her. There was no mistake now. But she had gone right back to staring out the window. Didn''t she remember us at all? Although, Hiromasa didn''t act like he remembered either. Why was I the only one?


    The rest of the day went by annoyingly slow. When the teacher dismissed us, Higoshi stood up and moved quickly out the door.


    "Kaito, you want to-" Hiromasa started.


    I didn''t hear the rest of it. I raced out the door and into the hall.


    "Higoshi," I called.


    She stopped and turned around, but didn''t say anything.


    "Uh...I''m Nagase Kaito. Do you remember me? We''ve met before."


    "Yes," she said. "I remember you."


    I didn''t know what to say. Yes? Then why didn''t she say anything?


    "Was there something else?" she asked.


    "No," I said. "I suppose not."


    "Great," she said, and turned. "Later."


    She gave me a wave over her shoulder as she left.


    Bitch. What the hell was her problem? I wasn''t expecting a huge gushy reunion, but a "Hi. How have you been?" would¡¯ve been nice. I saved her and she was acting like I didn''t even exist.


    "Hey," Hiromasa said, entering the hall. "I was talking to you, you know? What''s with you today? You''re acting really weird."


    "You know that girl I was sitting next to." I pointed down the hall, even though she was long gone.


    "Yeah. The pretty one with long hair, right? I don''t think that''s very nice by the way. You have a girlfriend. You shouldn''t be chasing other women."


    "No.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I mean, that''s the girl from the subway three years ago."


    "Oh," Hiromasa said, stretching out the word. "I thought that name sounded familiar. What did she say?"


    "Nothing. She didn''t really want to talk to me."


    Hiromasa laughed. "Welcome to my world, buddy." He slapped my shoulder. "Come on, you''ve got a cute girlfriend waiting for you. One who wants to talk to you."


    I nodded, but I couldn''t stop thinking about her. She really didn''t want anything to do with me at all? I thought we''d made a connection that night by the train. Was it all just some childish fantasy of mine? Maybe that''s why she snuck out in the morning without saying a word. I can''t believe I''d stuck myself next to someone who couldn''t even be bothered to say, "Hi". Maybe Hiromasa would switch with me. He probably wouldn''t mind either way. I don''t know why I cared so much. Why couldn''t I just suck it up and sit next to her? For some reason I dreaded this. I dreaded coming in tomorrow and having to sit next to her.


    Higoshi Saki, an anomaly in my mundane routine.

 Chapter 3-Sinister Smile

    Kaho was busy after school, so Hiromasa and I hung out at my house for a while. He had to leave in the evening to help his mom out, which left me way too much alone time to wonder about Higoshi. That cold shoulder treatment really got under my skin. I''m not the warmest of people, but at least I practice common courtesy.


    I sat on my bed and tried to drown out my thoughts with some TV. I could''ve been sitting on the couch in the living room, but I hardly ever went downstairs unless it was to get food and come back up. It felt empty and foreign down there despite it being my own house. At least my room felt like my own space.


    My cellphone said it was a minute until seven. I muted the TV before the phone even rang.


    "Hi, Mom," I said into the phone.


    "Good evening, Kaito," she answered. "How was your day?"


    "Fine. How are you and Dad doing?"


    "We''re well, thank you. How are your studies going?" Her voice sounded as dry and uncaring as it usually did.


    "Well, it was only the first day of school, so they aren''t really going at all yet."


    "I see. Are you eating alright?"


    "Yep," I lied.


    "That''s good. Well, I have to go, Kaito. I''ll talk to you next week. Goodbye."


    "Bye."


    I barely had time to get the word out before she hung up. I pulled the phone away from my ear. It was one minute after seven.


    The conversation had been the same every week for as long as I could remember. She called every Monday, always asked the same questions, and hung up after about a minute.


    I used to drag the conversation out by asking where they were or what they did that day. I usually wouldn''t understand much of what she told me, but I would ask anyway. I can''t remember exactly when I stopped. I think I noticed at some point that it didn''t matter if I asked or not, it didn''t change the dry tone in which she spoke, so I stopped bothering her about it.


    I never spoke to my father over the phone. It was always my mother who called. I only saw him on the rare occasions they returned home.


    It didn''t really matter. It used to upset me, but I had long been over that. The situation was pretty ideal for me. I got a house to myself and was free to do pretty much whatever I wanted with the money they sent me. A robotic phone call once a week seemed like a pretty fair price.


    Soon after that, I grabbed my red jacket and headed out the door. Kaho wanted to meet at some burger joint. When I got there, I made my way across the red and white checkered floor, scanning the red seats until I spotted Kaho at a booth.


    "Sorry," I said, sliding into the seat across from her. "Have you been waiting long?"


    She shook her head. "No. I haven''t been here for more than a few minutes."


    "Good." I smiled.


    We glanced over the menus and Kaho started to tell me about her day and what she hoped to accomplish that year. She wasn¡¯t a defect like me. Naturally, she was going to join clubs and planned for a busy school year.


    A girl with torn jeans and a black hoodie passed by the wall of windows. Her black hair trailed out the side of the hood. I barely caught the side of her face, but I was sure, just like I was that morning. It was definitely Higoshi. She turned toward the back of the building and left my sight.


    "Kaho." I cut her off midsentence without evening meaning to. "Uh, sorry, but can you excuse me for a minute? I have to use the bathroom."


    "Oh...sure," she answered. "What should I say if they come to take our order?"


    I slid from the seat and stood up. "Just get me anything. Surprise me."


    I walked through the restaurant toward the bathrooms and the front door, taking one last look towards the booth. Kaho was busy texting on her phone.


    I stepped outside and scanned the area, but didn¡¯t see Higoshi anywhere. I decided she must have gone towards the back and started following the building around. A man¡¯s voice stopped me just before I turned the corner.


    "Here,¡± he said. ¡°Now take these and get out of here before I get in trouble.¡±


    I carefully peered around the corner. A young man wearing a dirty apron leaned out of a steel door. He handed Higoshi two round objects wrapped in tinfoil. She tucked one away in the pocket of her hoodie and unwraped the other one halfway. She took a bite of the burger, then gave him a dismissive wave and started to walk off. The guy pulled the door shut.


    I took out my phone and switched it to silent, then waited a few moments before following Higoshi. She walked back to the sidewalk and we become just two more people walking around the city at night.


    What the hell was I even doing, following this girl around at night like a creeper? Why didn''t I call out to her and why was I so intent on following her in the first place? I wasn¡¯t really sure. I was drawn to her in an unexplainable way. Whatever my reasons were, she clearly didn¡¯t feel the same. I really wanted to know more about her, anything she''d tell me. I didn''t even care what it was. How did I, of all people, get stuck in a one sided attraction?


    I followed her for quite a while. We left the crowds behind and entered dark, quiet neighborhoods.


    She finally stopped with a sigh and crunched something up in her hands, then turned around and threw it. I was much too slow. It bounced off my forehead and landed on the sidewalk. Was it the burger wrapper?


    "Uh...hi," I said


    "What do you want?" she asked.


    Good question. I wasn''t really sure myself. Apparently, I''m really bad at taking hints.


    "I was thinking of a career in the PSIA," I said. "I thought I would practice my skills at trailing someone."


    She chuckled. "A spy, huh? Well, you need more work. Your approach sucks. I knew you were following me since the restaurant."


    I rubbed the back of my head. "That obvious, huh? Thanks for the critique. I''ll have to work on it. So, what are you doing out here?"


    She pulled her hood down. "Just out for a moonlight stroll. I think the more important question is, what are you doing out here?"


    "I just wanted to talk to you, I guess."


    "So talk." She turned around and stared walking.


    I hastened my step to catch up to her. I could see her better now. Did she have all those earrings and rings before?


    "So, you know one of the cooks?" I asked, matching her stride.


    "What?" She scrunched up her face in confusion.


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    "The cook. He gave you burgers at the restaurant." I jabbed my thumb backwards.


    "Oh, him." She shrugged. "Kind of, I guess. I got him an MP3 player, so he gives me burgers every once in a while."


    "You gave him one? Why not just use the money you used to buy the MP3 to buy food instead?"


    She glanced at me sideways. "Did I say I bought it?"


    Stolen then.


    "How did you manage to get it out of the store?" I asked.


    She shook her head. "I didn''t say I got it from a store either. People leave their crap unattended all the time."


    God. What happened to that shy girl from three years ago?


    A police car turned onto the quiet street. They must¡¯ve been out on patrol, just looking for people up to no good. People like Higoshi, I guess.


    "Crap," she said.


    She grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the shadows between houses, pressing herself against me and pushing me into the side of a house with her hand over my mouth, as if I was a hostage and going to call out for help or something. I didn''t bother to move her hand though. I was much too focused on the way my heart was hammering away in my chest. Why did she get me so worked up? It had reacted the same way when I¡¯d seen her earlier that morning. I couldn¡¯t even remember the last time it beat that hard. It was fantastic.


    The police car passed and continued down the street. Higoshi removed her hand and stepped back onto the sidewalk.


    "Running from the cops?" I asked, joining her.


    "Yeah, right," she scoffed. "I''m not stupid enough to get caught, but if they see us out here walking around, they''ll probably stop and ask us questions."


    I watched as the tail lights disappeared from sight. "Does it matter?"


    "Yes. All the good little boys and girls are at home." She pushed up the corners of her mouth with her fingers, creating a fake smile, and then dropped it with an eye roll. "At the very least, they are in well-lit areas, not dead end neighborhood roads."


    I laughed and she started walking briskly again.


    "You don''t want to go home, then?" I asked, catching up to her.


    "Of course not. Why do you think I''m out here?"


    "You don''t think that''s a little risky?¡± I asked. ¡°Walking around out here by yourself?"


    She laughed. "I do it all the time."


    That''s wasn''t really what I asked.


    We walked in silence for a little while longer, but the question I really wanted to ask pressed its way into my head and wouldn''t leave me alone. That one thought had been weighing on my mind for three years. I wanted to ask it so badly I could practically feel the words on my tongue.


    "Hey, Higoshi." I stopped.


    She sighed and turned around to face me. "Can we skip that crap, please? It''s Saki, alright? I hate that name."


    "Saki, then." I paused and looked down, jamming my hands into my pockets. "Why did you try to kill yourself?" I peered back up at her.


    She smirked. "Just the over dramatic reaction of a child. You shouldn''t worry about it, and you shouldn''t spend your time worrying about me either. In fact, you should probably be more concerned about that girl you bailed on in the restaurant."


    My body stiffened. I had completely forgotten about Kaho.


    I yanked the phone out of my pocket. It had to have been at least twenty minutes since I left her there. I had a few missed calls and about a dozen text messages, all from Kaho. They started with "Are you alright?", and ended with a string of colorful language telling me not to even bother calling her back. She seemed pretty pissed. I don''t think I''d ever heard her curse before.


    "Hey..." I trailed off as I looked up.


    Saki was gone. I turned around in a circle, but there was no sign of her anywhere. I sighed and started my long walk to retrace my steps back home.


    The next day, I got up and went about my normal routine. Kaho wasn''t waiting outside like she usually did, so I walked to school myself.


    Just after I got through the front gate, Kaho caught me by the arm and dragged me over to some trees, away from the other students.


    "I''m really sorry about last night," I said, after she released my arm.


    "Explain yourself, jerk." She folded her arms in front of her and glared at me.


    Maybe I should''ve lied. My story didn''t sound so great and I couldn''t really explain it all that well. I suppose, it wouldn''t have done me any good. It''s not like I had a lie ready and she deserved the truth anyway.


    "I saw a girl from my class and I followed her, hoping to catch up,¡± I said. ¡°I knew her from a few years ago."


    Her glare intensified. "So, you saw a girl you used to know, lied about why you got up in the first place, and then just left me there for nearly a whole half hour while you had a chat?"


    Have you ever done something you knew was stupid and then realized how much worse it was when someone says it out loud?


    "Yeah," I said slowly. "It was just to talk, though. I swear." I put my hands up.


    I wondered if she was going to slap me. I would''ve slapped me, if I was a girl. She was quiet for a minute. Then she unfolded her hands and let out a long sigh.


    "Kaito, I don''t think this is going to work out."


    I nodded at her.


    I knew it was coming. It''s not like I was in the habit of running out on my dates, but my relationships always had an expiration date, and it was usually around a month. I think at some point they realized that their feelings weren¡¯t returned and they think it best to move on. Kaho was getting pretty close to the end of that month, although my thoughtless disappearing act probably hastened her decision.


    "It''s not just last night." She looked down. "I''ve been noticing it for a while now. You''re nice, usually, but I don''t really think there is anything between us. I asked you out because I liked you, but I don''t think you feel the same way about me." She wiped her eyes.


    I wish I could''ve reassured her, but she wasn''t wrong.


    "I''m sorry things couldn''t have worked out differently," I told her.


    She nodded. "I hope you find happiness in the future." She ran off in the direction of the school.


    ¡°Me too,¡± I mumbled to no one after she¡¯d left.


    I headed to the classroom. I was dreading sitting next to Saki yesterday, but now I was sort of looking forward to it. She couldn¡¯t run away if she was forced to sit next to me all day. Plus, I had to figure out if she was the one making my heart race.


    "Hey," Hiromasa said as I sat down.


    "Hi," I said.


    I glanced over at Saki¡¯s empty desk.


    "You want to do something after school?" he asked. "Unless you already have something planned with Kaho?"


    "She broke up with me."


    "Really? Man, that sucks. She was really sweet too.¡± He folded his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair. ¡°I''m still not sure if your record shows you have good luck or bad luck with women."


    "Me neither,¡± I said.


    The bell rang to signal the start of class and still no Saki. Who the hell skips on the second day?


    Rain droplets started to collect on the window and I realized I¡¯d forgotten my umbrella. I sighed and planted my head on the desk. It was going to be a long day.


    The third day of school came and went. No Saki.


    In the evening, I sat on my bed and tried to keep my mind occupied by blaring rock music and reading manga. It was useless. Why would she skip two days in a row at the beginning of the year? Did she get sick? What if something bad happened to her after she left the other night? What if she did something to herself? My stomach dropped.


    No, that couldn¡¯t be it, right? Someone would have let us know if something serious happened, wouldn''t they?


    I threw the manga down and put my head in my hands, digging my fingers into my hair. I groaned at no one in particular.


    There was one place I knew she went. It was a long shot and a half, but I was going to lose my mind if I sat there any longer.


    I headed out to the restaurant we were at the other day and went around to the back. I stood there and stared at the metal door in front of me. Was I nuts? Maybe I should''ve just turned around and headed home. I couldn''t though. I would''ve just been back to wanting to tear my hair out.


    I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. After a few moments, it swung open and the same guy from before leaned out the door.


    "Who the hell are you?" he asked.


    "Uh...no one in particular. Listen, you haven''t seen Saki around the past two days, have you?"


    "Saki? Who is Saki?" he asked.


    "Higoshi Saki." I said. "She is a girl my age, long hair, gave you an MP3 player."


    "Oh." He paused. "I wonder if she ever told me her name. Anyway, I haven''t seen her since Monday."


    "Right, thanks."


    "Don''t knock on this door again alright?" He pointed at the door. "It''s bad enough she comes around the back. I don''t need two of you, got it?" He slammed the door without waiting for a response.


    There was only one other place I knew she went. I started following the same path I followed Saki on the other night. Eventually, I ended up on the same street we were on when she ran off. There was no sign of her. I continued to follow the road. The occupied houses started to thin out, until it was mostly abandoned and worn down places. What was up with this neighborhood? Were they planning to build something there?


    I followed the road until I came to an apartment building. After that, it was a four way intersection which meant it was the end of the line. After all, I would have no way of knowing which way she went. Well, I guess I knew it was a stupid plan anyway. I turned around and there she was, leaning against a utility pole. Had she been there the whole time? My heartbeat quickened.


    "Are you stalking me or something?" she asked.


    Maybe a little.


    She was still wearing that black hoodie, but had traded the jeans for a pair of shorts and boots that were way too big for her. She was holding a glass bottle with a little bit of clear liquid left in it, which I guessed probably wasn¡¯t water. Where did she get it? Another stolen trade?


    "No." I walked over to her. "You haven''t been in school the last couple of days. I was just wondering if you were alright."


    She snickered. "Worried about me? Well, as you can see, I''m fine."


    "Right." I answered.


    It grew quiet.


    "Something else?" She clicked her index finger against the bottle, her ring clinking against the glass.


    I didn''t answer for a minute, unsure of how the proposal would sound. "I thought you might be kind of fun to hang out with."


    She erupted into laughter. Her whole body shook. She pressed her free hand against her face and leaned her head back into the pole, continuing to laugh. Then, all at once, she went quiet and still.


    A smile spread across her lips, a sinister, dark, marvelous smile. "Are you sure? I''m a monster, you know?"


    My heart beat so fast I practically had to gasp for breath. I''ve never been so sure about anything in my life.


    "Yes."

 Chapter 4- Numb

    As soon as I answered, she marched over to me and thrust the unidentified bottle against my chest.


    "Drink," she commanded.


    "What is it?" I asked, holding the bottle up, as if that would give me any indication.


    She smiled and shrugged. "Who knows?"


    Reassuring. I put the bottle to my lips. It tasted terrible and burned as it went down, which sent me into an immediate coughing fit. I held the bottle out for Saki, still coughing. She took it, laughing.


    "I think I might''ve been wrong. You will be fun, after all. Come on." She jerked her head in the direction of the apartment.


    I followed her around the back of the building.


    "Where are we going?" I croaked.


    She smirked over her shoulder. "You''ll see."


    The place could use a power wash, not to mention the state of the busted and boarded windows and doors. It''d probably been abandoned for a while. Saki led me up some stairs to a broken window on the second floor. She straddled the windowsill, and then pulled her other leg in, disappearing inside.


    "What are you waiting for?" she asked from the darkness.


    My life choices could definitely use some work. My heartbeat had quickened again. It was a warning this time. I was nervous. That didn''t happen to me a lot. More. I needed more.


    I placed my hands on the windowsill and entered the same way Saki did. She stood in the center of the room, waiting for me. We were probably standing in a bedroom, but it didn''t have any furniture. There wasn''t a lot of light to pick out fine details, but I did notice a collection of empty bottles and cans in the corner. A closet door hung off its hinges. It had certainly seen better days.


    Without saying anything, Saki started moving again. Dry leaves, from who knows how many autumns ago, crunched under our feet as we walked down the hall. Outside was well lit from the clear sky and street lamps, but this building was so dark I could barely see Saki in front of me. Fortunately, she seemed to know exactly where we were going. We entered another bedroom. This one had the window intact, which brought in a little light. There was a rolled up futon and several partially burned candles sitting on a crate in the corner-dry, bubbled strings of wax stuck to its side."Do you sleep here?" I asked.


    "Sometimes," she answered, trading her bottle for a baseball bat that was leaning against the wall.


    "Why?" I asked.


    "Because sometimes I don''t feel like going home."


    "Are your parents that bad?"


    She let out an exaggerated sigh and rolled her head around to look at me. "Don''t get all sentimental on me, idiot. Sometimes, it''s just easier this way."


    Dodging my questions again? That was fine. I wouldn''t press it, not just yet. I couldn''t have her running off on me again.


    "What''s the bat for?" I asked.


    "You''re in for a treat." She flipped the bat over her shoulder. "I had a special activity planned for today."


    "Guess I''m in luck then," I said a little hesitantly.


    "Although..." She wrapped her free hand around the other side of the bat and pulled it into her neck, leaning her head back. "I should have asked you this before, but is your girlfriend alright with you being out here? I wouldn''t want to be the cause of a breakup."


    Too late for that.


    "I''m surprised you care about stuff like that," I said.


    She chuckled. "Don''t get me wrong. It just creates a lot of unnecessary problems for me."


    I stuffed my hands into my jacket pockets. "Well, you don''t have to worry. She broke up with me the other day."


    "Really? I guess that''s not surprising."


    "It isn''t?"


    "Of course not," she said. "Love is a lie."


    I laughed. "That''s a little pessimistic coming from a high school student, don''t you think?"


    "No." She whirled the bat around and pointed it at me. "I think all you idiots are just in need of a serious reality check."


    I shrugged. "I think all the happy couples might disagree with you."


    "They are just confused." She rested the end of the bat on the ground. "Love isn''t magic. It''s just a bunch of chemicals in your brain encouraging you to breed."


    I laughed again. "So this whole dating game is a waste of time? Casual sex is the way to go?"


    "Maybe, maybe not." She shrugged. "Compatibility and good qualities are important in mates. It''s how the species survives."


    Her viewpoint sounded kind of warped, but maybe she had a point. It''s not like I had any luck in my relationships so far. I couldn''t say I agreed exactly, but I think arguing with her would have been a waste of time.


    "I guess I haven''t got any personal examples for a good rebuttal," I said.


    "In any case, I''m happy she broke up with you. Now I don''t have to hold back." She walked out of the room, bat in hand.


    What did that mean?


    I followed her out of the apartment all together and back outside to the ground floor. We stood several yards away from the building.


    "We are going to play a game." Saki bent down and picked up a rock. "The idea is to hit the rock into the windows on the ground floor." She tossed the rock up and down in her hand. "Understand?"


    "Won''t someone hear us breaking windows?" I asked


    "Doubt it. Most of the places around here aren''t occupied. This isn''t the first time I''ve smashed stuff around here at night."


    I didn''t doubt that.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    "Sounds kind of dangerous," I said.


    Not to mention, illegal.


    She grinned. "That''s part of the fun."


    She threw the rock up in the air, connecting the bat with it on the way down. It flew through the air and smashed a hole in one of the windows. She giggled and jumped up and down.


    What had I gotten myself into?


    "Your turn." She held the bat out towards me.


    I took the bat and found a rock. I threw it up as she had done and swung the bat, missing the rock completely.


    "You suck." She laughed. "Try again."


    I grumbled and picked up the rock to try again. I hit it into the wall of the building.


    "Again," Saki urged.


    I got a different rock and tried one more time. It hit the side of the building again.


    "Stop." Saki walked in front of me and held out her arms. "Your problem is visualization. This game is meant to act as a stress reliever. Picture something that pisses you off and imagine that as the window."


    I thought about it for a moment, but couldn''t think of anything. I wasn''t really enjoying most things I did, but none of those things made me mad.


    "I don''t think I have anything like that," I said.


    "Well, aren''t you just Mr. Lucky?" she scoffed. "Don''t be an idiot. Everyone has something that makes them mad."


    I shrugged.


    She sighed. "What about your parents? Still pretty much out of the picture?"


    "How did you know?"


    "Weren''t you the one who asked me if I remembered you? I''ve been to your house. You said they left you alone all the time, for days at a time even. Who the hell leaves a thirteen year old alone for that long?"


    I looked down and rubbed my shoe across the dirt. "My neighbor stopped by to check on me a lot."


    She let out an exasperated sigh and titled her head back. "Seriously, Kaito? I suppose it was all alright then? You''re a perfectly well adjusted individual?"


    "I didn''t say that."


    "No shit you didn''t, because healthy people don''t seek people like me out. You think all the happy people are out at eleven at night smashing rocks into windows?" She pointed at the building.


    I chuckled "Probably not."


    "Exactly. Your face is not the face of someone who is fine. Bottling up emotions is not good. This is a release. So, pick up the bat and get mad." She took a few steps back.


    My face, huh? Was it that obvious?


    I took a deep breath and tried again. It smashed into the same window Saki hit. The glass shattered and crumbled from the window. There was something very satisfying about that sound. I smiled.


    "You''re still not doing it right," she said.


    "What are you talking about?" I pointed at the window. "I broke it, didn''t I?"


    "Breaking it is not the point. I told you it''s meant as a stress reliever. It''s therapy via destruction."


    "You didn''t say that in the beginning. You just told me to break windows."


    "Well, I''m telling you now." She folded her arms. "You''re playing the game wrong."


    I shook my head. "I don''t understand."


    "I''ll show you." She walked over and took the bat from me.


    I moved away and watched her hit a rock into another window.


    She giggled and clapped. "See?"


    I didn''t at all. I walked over and took the bat from her, then hit another rock, trying to match her stance and facial expression. It smashed into a window. She sighed and hung her head.


    "No good?" I asked.


    She shook her head. "Let''s try a new approach. How do you feel when you actually talk to your parents?"


    I shrugged. "Fine, I guess? I only talk to them once a week."


    "They only come home once a week?" she asked.


    "No." I shook my head. "I talk to them over the phone. I only see them in person a few times a year."


    "What are they doing?"


    "Working, usually."


    "Usually?"


    I nodded. "Sometimes they take vacations."


    She gave me a confused look. "Without you?"


    I nodded again.


    "That doesn''t piss you off?"


    "Not really." I shrugged. "I get the whole house to myself all the time. I can do whatever I want."


    She clicked her tongue. "That''s such bullshit, Kaito."


    I gave a short laugh. "It isn''t."


    "Really?" she asked. "Then why does it sound like a line you''ve been feeding to yourself?"


    That really wasn''t fair. How could she see inside me so clearly? I couldn''t read her at all. I had no idea what she was thinking.


    "Try again," she said. "This time, picture your parents in the window."


    "That seems a little violent."


    She smiled. "Of course it is."


    I shook my head, picked up another rock, and hit it into a window. There was a stinging in my cheek. I rubbed it with my fingers and brought them to my face. Blood. What had I cut myself on? Had a shard of glass flew all the way back here? A piece of rock, maybe? At least it hadn''t been my eye.


    "That''s worse you know," she said, walking towards me.


    "Hm? What is?" I asked.


    She got close. So close, I could smell the alcohol on her breath. She pressed up against me and cupped my face with her hand. A normal person might have moved, but I didn''t want to. Her body felt good pressed against mine and I was dying to see what she would do next.


    "If you''re not mad, it means you''ve gone numb." Her voice was much softer than before. She brought her lips to my ear. "But, not to worry." She slowly slid her tongue along the cut on my cheek. "I''ll wake you up."


    I thought my heart might fly out of my chest.


    "My turn." She grabbed the bat and twirled away from me.


    I stood back. What the hell was that? Was that an example of not holding back? I should''ve been freaking out, I guess. Who goes around licking people''s wounds? But I wasn''t. I was more intrigued than anything else. What did it mean? Was it sexual? It certainly felt that way to me, but she wasn''t exactly normal. Part of the game? A test? Was it just drunken weird behavior?


    "Kaito!" she shouted.


    "Huh?" I said, snapping back to reality.


    "Are you falling asleep over there?"


    Falling asleep? I don''t think I''d ever been further from sleep in my life.


    "Sorry," I said. "Spacing out. Is it my turn?"


    "Yep." She tossed me the bat.


    I caught it and went over to stand next to her.


    "What do you and your parents talk about when they call?" she asked.


    I shrugged. "The usual stuff, I guess. They ask me about school."


    She titled her head back groaned. "Come on. You''re not giving me anything to work with here."


    "Sorry." I chuckled.


    "Why do you even answer the phone? Do you like talking to them?"


    "I only ever talk to my mother, but if I don''t answer the phone she will just keep leaving messages."


    "Keep leaving messages? So you''ve tried to ignore her before?"


    "I just wanted to see what they''d do." I started grinding the head of the bat against the ground. "About a year ago, I didn''t answer the phone for five weeks in a row."


    "What happened?"


    "She just kept leaving the same message over and over again, ''Sorry we missed you. Hope you''re doing well.'' After the fifth week, they finally sent a neighbor over."


    "That!" Saki shouted.


    I jumped. "What?"


    "The look on your face. I saw it just now. The hurt and anger." She pointed to the window. "Focus on that and hit the rock." She stepped away from me.


    I picked up a rock and threw it up in the air. As it came down, I pictured listening to that stupid message week after week. It was always the same one, never the slightest fluctuation or notes of concern in her voice. She couldn''t even muster up something like, "I hope you''re okay." I swung the bat with a yell. The rock flew into the window, shards of glass splintering everywhere. The sound was even better now.


    "Yes. Yes. That''s it!" Saki cheered and danced in a circle.


    "That felt really good." I laughed.


    "Right? You want to keep going?"


    I nodded eagerly. "Absolutely."


    We took turns at bat. Every time it was my turn, I''d think of something different. Absences from school functions; another window. Missed birthday parties; another window. My father not ever bothering to pick up the phone; another window. Before I knew it, we had reached the end of the apartment, and we were out of windows.


    "So, how do you feel?" she asked.


    "Amazing. I haven''t felt this good in a while, actually." I was a little out of breath.


    "Good." She nodded.


    I pulled out my phone.


    "Shit. It''s after midnight." I held the phone out, showing her the time.


    She laughed. "So, what? Afraid you''re going to turn into a pumpkin or something?"


    "No." I put the phone away. "We do have school tomorrow, though. I should probably get going. Shouldn''t you be getting to bed too?"


    She shrugged. "I guess."


    "You want me to walk you home?" I asked.


    "No." The joy from her face faded and she pointed a finger in my face. "You can never, ever come to my house. Do you understand? If you do, you''ll regret it."


    I put my hands up. "I understand."


    "Good." She put her finger down.


    That mood shift sure was quick. It really bothered me. I could never go there? Why? What was so bad about that place that she was hiding out here? I decided to let it drop. It would have to be gently probed at another time. Right then, I just needed to make sure I saw more of her.


    "You are coming to school tomorrow, right?" I asked.


    She snorted. "Why should I?"


    "Because, you''ve already missed two days," I said. "Plus, I get the feeling school is going to be a lot more entertaining with you there."


    She grinned. "Alright, I suppose I''ll come, but just for you."


    I smiled. "Good. I''ll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight."


    "Night."


    I gave her one last wave before turning the corner to the front of the building. I started smiling for no reason at all. That stupid smile stayed plastered on my face the whole way home.

 Chapter 5- Paint it Green

    The next day, I was actually excited to get to school, and I couldn''t remember the last time I was excited to get anywhere. When I got to the classroom, my heart sunk. No Saki. Did she lie? I sat down and stared at her empty desk.


    "Uh...hi? Are you okay?" Hiromasa asked.


    "Fine." I answered.


    There were still a few minutes left until the late bell. I guess I shouldn''t have expected her to be punctual. After all, she had already missed two days. The minutes ticked by quickly. I''m sure Hiromasa was trying to talk to me about something, but I couldn''t focus. What was I going to do if she didn''t show up? Should I walk back to that apartment building, or finally take the hint and leave her alone? Less than a full minute remained when she finally walked through the door. My heart started beating faster, which I''d come to expect when seeing her now.


    "Wipe that stupid surprised look off your face, loser." She passed behind me and pushed the back of my head forward before taking her seat. "I said I''d be here, didn''t I?"


    "Good morning, Saki." I said. "I have to admit, I was getting kind of worried."


    "Yeah, well, you should be grateful. I wouldn''t turn up for just anyone."


    I smiled. "Thanks."


    "Yeah. Yeah." She leaned back in her chair. "Let''s just hope the day goes by quickly."


    The bell rang and Mr. Nagashima started the morning routine. Hiromasa smacked my arm.


    "What the hell?" He mouthed silently.


    I shrugged at him.


    The class continued as normal. Saki looked a little bit unkempt and was far from the most poised one in the classroom, but I couldn''t begin to care about that. I couldn''t keep my eyes off her anyway. She''d started doodling the minute class started and hadn''t written down a single word off the board. Oh, well. Baby steps, right? At least I''d gotten her to come to class. She didn''t really draw anything substantial. It was more in the way of swirling lines, shapes, and patterns.


    A little later in the day, I had to tear myself away from Saki''s picture show to go to the bathroom. I''d probably only made it about fifteen feet before Hiromasa came chasing after me.


    "Again," he said, catching up to me. "What the hell?"


    "What?" I asked.


    "Don''t ''what'' me. How is it that you break up with a girl just two days ago and you''re already on a first name basis with another one?" He held up two fingers and jammed them in my face. "Two days!"


    I pushed his hand down. "It just sort of happened."


    "What? How? She hasn''t even been at school."


    "We kind of hung out last night." I rubbed the back of my head and focused on the ceiling.


    "You what?" he almost shouted.


    "Will you keep it down?" I gazed around, making sure he didn''t draw any attention.


    "What is it with you? You must have some sort of secret. Teach me your ways, master." He put his palms together above his bowed head.


    "Come on. Knock it off. Like I said, ''It just sort of happened.'' I saw her at a restaurant and followed her."


    He raised his head. "So you''re telling me to stalk women? That''s your secret?"


    "No." I put both my hands up. "That is not at all what I''m saying."


    "Are you going to hang out again?"


    I shrugged. "Probably. That''s kind of up to her, I guess."


    "Introduce me."


    "What? Introduce you?" I shook my head. "She already knows you, remember?"


    "So, reintroduce me," he said. "I want to hang out with you guys too."


    "Eh." I glanced to the side. "I don''t think it''s really your kind of thing."


    "What does that mean? What sort of things are you into that I''m not?" He folded his arms.


    "Things that might be considered against the law."


    "I can totally do that."


    I laughed. "Really? This coming from the guy who, at ten, unintentionally stole a candy bar, and then felt so bad about it he had to return both the candy bar and give the saleswoman the money for the candy?"


    "Shut up! That was six years ago. I''ve changed a lot since then."


    "Fine." I waved my hand dismissively. "Have it your way, but I can''t speak for her."


    He gave me that big cheesy grin of his, and I finally got to go to the bathroom.


    When the bell rang for lunch period, students started flocking into their standard groups. Saki and I stayed put. I pulled the spoils of my early morning convenience store trip out of my bag and set them on my desk. I bought a rice ball and a korokke sandwich. I was so hungry I probably could have eaten two of those things. Hiromasa moved to the now empty desk in front of Saki and set down his bento box, which contained another delicious looking lunch prepared by his mother.


    "Saki, you remember Shiganori Hiromasa, right?"


    He gave a small wave. "Hi."


    "Of course." Her eyes widened. "I love what you did to your hair." She reached over and started playing with a tuft of his hair.


    His face grew red instantly. "T-thanks, Higoshi."


    "Saki," she corrected.


    That only served to deepen his blush. I had to stifle a laugh. With his zero experience with women and her disregard of any sort of personal space, he''d be head over heels in no time. She retracted her hand and directed her gaze towards the window. Hiromasa popped an octopus sausage in his mouth.


    "Not eating?" I asked, and took a bite of my sandwich.


    "Nope," she said.


    Was she on some sort of diet? That''s not uncommon, but she didn''t really seem the type. I picked up the other half of my sandwich and held it out to her.


    "What''s that for?" she asked.


    "Eating," I answered.


    She rolled her eyes. "Idiot. I meant, why are you giving it to me?"


    I shrugged. "Because you have no food."


    She clicked her tongue. "I''m not a charity case."


    "Who said anything about that? I''m not that hungry. I won''t eat it all, so I thought you might want it, but if you don''t, that''s fine." I put the sandwich back down. "I''m sure I can find someone to eat it, or throw it away, or something."


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    "I''ll eat..." Hiromasa started.


    I shot him a glare.


    "Eat this tasty bento my mom made for me and nothing else." He started shoving food in his mouth.


    "Well, if you''re just going to throw it away anyway, I guess I''ll take it." She slowly stretched out her hand.


    I smiled and gave her the sandwich half. I doubted I could convince her to take the rice ball too, but at least that should hold her until after school. She didn''t say thank you, just took bite after bite until it was gone. I don''t think I''d ever seen anyone eat that fast before.


    "That was pretty good." She smiled.


    "Glad you liked it," I said.


    "Did you even have time to taste it?" Hiromasa asked, his voice rising in pitch.


    I started laughing.


    "Bite me, bento boy," Saki said.


    "Sorry." Hiromasa said, waving his hands. "I didn''t mean anything by it."


    I laughed harder.


    "It''s not funny, Kaito." Hiromasa groaned.


    "Hm. I guess I''ll forgive you, but only because of your pretty hair." Saki pushed her whole hand through his hair and shook his head.


    "Cut it out." Hiromasa grabbed his head to hold it still.


    Saki giggled and released his head.


    "So, what are your plans tonight, Saki?" I asked.


    She grinned. "Thirsting for more fun, huh? Want to get that heart racing again?"


    I chuckled. "I suppose. Although, Hiromasa wanted to join, so you had better take it slow."


    "What?" Hiromasa tried to smooth his hair unsuccessfully. "Don''t baby me. I can keep up with whatever."


    "A slow build up, huh?" she asked. "You''re right, but not just because of him. Since you''re both new to deviant activities, I probably shouldn''t start too big. I wouldn''t want you two to freak out on me."


    "Surely, you''re not putting me in the same category as him?" I asked, pointing at Hiromasa.


    "What''s that supposed to mean?" he asked.


    Saki chuckled. "I guess we''ll find out." She tapped her finger against the side of her mouth. "Hm. Something small. Ah." She snapped her fingers. "I''ve got it. You show up around nine to the apartment building."


    "What is it?" I asked.


    Saki smiled. Shadows of the same mischievous smile from the night before played in the corners. "Oh, come on. It wouldn''t be any fun if I ruined the surprise."


    The rest of lunch period passed with your usual conversation and banter. Hiromasa even did a moving rendition of a chopstick walrus. I tried to get Saki to come home with me and Hiromasa to hang out and play games, but she refused. I''m not sure if she actually had something to do, or she was still trying to keep some distance between us. I was inclined to believe it was the distance thing, although I couldn''t figure out exactly why.


    Hiromasa and I left my house around half eight, and I showed him the way to the apartment.


    "This neighborhood is freaky," Hiromasa said when we started getting to the deserted houses.


    "Yeah, I''m not really sure where everyone went," I said.


    "Maybe it''s just because this part of town is so old. They''ll probably have all this stuff knocked down within a couple of years."


    I nodded. "Makes sense."


    Saki was outside the apartment, leaning against the utility pole again. There was a small box by her feet.


    "Hey," she said as we approached.


    "Hi," I said.


    "Hello," Hiromasa said, with a wave and a grin.


    "You guys ready to have some fun?" She pushed the box towards us with her foot.


    "Spray paint?" I asked.


    She nodded. "That''s right."


    "For the apartment?" I asked.


    She snorted. "No. What fun would that be? No one will see it here. Bring the box and come on."


    She started down the sidewalk towards the four way intersection. I folded the box shut, picked it up, and followed her. Hiromasa tagged along after me. He was quiet and kept chewing on his fingertips. He always did that when he was nervous. I slowed my pace a little and hung back with him.


    "We can always go home if you want?" I offered.


    "What are you talking about?" He shook his head. "I''m fine."


    I didn''t say anything. Shiganori Hiromasa, the worst liar in history.


    It wasn''t long before we were out of the vacant neighborhood and into more populated areas. A few people eyed us suspiciously, but they were probably just wondering what I was doing carrying around a dirty, old box. Saki led us off the main sidewalk, down a paved footpath, and finally stopped in front of a short pedestrian tunnel that ran under the train tracks.


    "Behold." She turned to face us, spreading her arms wide. "Our canvas."


    "We''re going to paint here?" Hiromasa asked, looking around.


    Saki nodded with a grin. The choice wasn''t terrible. Someone had already marked up the sides of the tunnel with spray paint. I wasn''t sure if it was her or not. There didn''t seem to be a lot of people around, which made the chances of us getting caught pretty low.


    "Come on." Saki walked backwards into the dimly lit tunnel. "Unless, you''re getting cold feet." She smiled.


    Hiromasa swallowed hard and followed her into the tunnel. I went in after him and set the box down in the middle. Saki opened the flaps to reveal the six capless spray cans.


    "Our choices kind of suck." She knelt down to pick up one of the cans. "It''s mostly black and white, but I did manage to get a little bit of red and green." She held the can out to Hiromasa.


    He grabbed it with a shaky hand. "I''m not sure we should be doing this."


    Saki rolled her eyes. "What''s the matter, Mr. ''I can keep up with whatever''? Having second thoughts?"


    "You don''t have to do anything you don''t want to, Hiromasa." I picked up one of the black cans and went over to the wall.


    "Wait. You''re doing it?" Hiromasa asked.


    "Probably." I shook the can.


    "Look, Hiromasa." Saki stood up and folded her arms. "It''s barely a crime. After all, they have designated walls for street art now."


    "Yeah, but this isn''t one of them." Hiromasa said.


    She sighed. "If you''re holding out for the origami night, it''s not going to happen. I said I''d start slow, and this is it. It only gets harder from here."


    Hiromasa studied the can for a moment, then walked over to the opposite wall and shook it up. I probably should have urged him not to do it. I should have stopped and told him we were going home. I guess I''m a pretty shitty friend.


    He pointed the can at the wall and hesitated.


    "Come on," Saki said in a soothing voice. "It''s not that hard." She walked behind him and placed her hand over his. "Just point and squeeze." She pushed his finger down on the nozzle and led his hand in a wavy pattern along the wall, creating a white, swirly line of paint. "And just like that, you''ve committed your first act of vandalism."


    She slapped him on the back. He clenched up and made a small whimpering sound. She walked back to the box, selected her own can, and came to stand next to me.


    "Don''t tell me you''re having issues too?" She shook up her can.


    I laughed. "No. I have no ethical concerns and I''m pretty sure I understand the core concept. Point and squeeze. I just don''t know what to paint. I''m not very artistic."


    "Just paint whatever comes to your mind." She started spraying a few shapes in green paint. They looked pretty similar to her doodles in school.


    "You say that like it''s easy," I said.


    She stopped painting. "Alright, I''ll snap my fingers and you say the very first thing that pops into your head. Ready?"


    I nodded.


    "Go." She snapped.


    I smiled. "You."


    She laughed. "I guess that''s understandable. I am standing right here."


    I''m not too certain that was why.


    "So?" I said.


    "So paint me." She continued her pattern.


    "Oh, sure." I shook the can up again. "Let me just channel my inner Hokusai."


    She laughed. "Accuracy is not the point."


    I sighed and started painting. "Green, huh?"


    "Mhm," she said. "It''s my favorite color."


    "I''ll have to remember that," I said.


    "I don''t hear any painting over there," Saki shouted.


    Hiromasa yelped, which was followed by a sound of furious spray painting.


    "What is the point? Just something to do?" I asked.


    "Well, it is fun, but that''s not why." Saki pushed her hand against my chest, right against my pounding heart. "That is the point. If you continue to do the same crap all the time, you''re just going to continue to sleep walk through your own life. Worrying you might get caught in this tunnel gets you good and scared. It shakes up your routine."


    A train went overhead, causing the lights to flicker. I jumped. Hiromasa''s squeal of surprise was barely audible over the high pitched screeching of the train. Saki laughed.


    I let out a deep breath. "You know, we could have just watched a scary movie or something."


    She smiled and shook her head. "I''m afraid you''re beyond that kind of help."


    I finished my painting and stepped back. It was a blank faced stick figure with a bunch of paint running down the side of its head for hair.


    Saki rested her arm on my shoulder and leaned against me. "Oh, yeah. You totally captured my eyes."


    We both started laughing.


    "That''s pretty terrible," Hiromasa said from behind us.


    "I suppose, you did a lot better?" I asked, turning around.


    "Obviously." Hiromasa walked over to his wall and gestured at his wavy line art. "It''s a masterpiece."


    "That actually isn''t bad, Hiromasa," I said.


    Saki nodded. "I like it."


    "Really?" He blushed.


    She nodded. "Mhm."


    He grinned and pointed to his signature sprayed on the wall. "Look. I even signed it."


    Saki and I both started laughing.


    "What?" he demanded.


    "Hiromasa, you idiot." I said. "If you sign it, they''ll know it''s you. You''ll get busted for sure."


    "Crap!" Hiromasa frantically started spraying over his name. "Can you still see it?" He sprayed some more.


    When Hiromasa was finally satisfied there was no trace of his name left on the wall, we put all the cans back in the box and closed it up. I picked it up, and we headed back to the apartment, where we all parted ways. Saki assured me she''d be at school on Monday.


    "Your mom won''t be mad you''re out so late?" I asked Hiromasa, after we left Saki.


    "As long as it''s not an everyday thing, I should be fine."


    "You don''t have to hang out with us when we do this kind of stuff, you know? It''s not like I''m going to start ignoring you now."


    Hiromasa snorted. "I know. That''s not why I went."


    "It''s just, you didn''t seem like you were having a lot of fun."


    "I wasn''t at first, but at the end, I really started enjoying it." He smiled.


    "I''m just saying..."


    Hiromasa put his hand up. "Look. I''m not a child. I don''t need you protecting me. I can make my own decisions."


    I shrugged. "Have it your way."


    Eventually, we went our separate ways, and I walked the rest of the way back to my house alone. Still, my dark, vacant house didn''t feel quite as empty when I opened the front door.

 Chapter 6- Fairy Tale?

    The weekend went by pretty slowly, which was odd, because usually that sucker just flew by. Hiromasa and I hung out doing the usual stuff, playing games and watching TV. I even went over and helped him watch his sisters on Sunday so his mom could take a much needed break. You would think watching three rowdy little girls might make time go by a little faster, but it didn''t really work as well as I''d hoped. At least I fell asleep a little bit faster on Sunday, which got me that much closer to Monday morning. Looking forward to school? What was wrong with me? I must have been going out of my mind.


    When I got to class, I immediately focused on Saki''s seat, which was stupid, because I knew she probably wasn''t going to show up until it was nearly time for class to start.


    "Morning," Hiromasa said, as I sat down.


    "Hey," I said.


    "Listen." Hiromasa leaned towards me. "I don''t think I can get away with being out so late on a weekday. Is there any way we can get Saki to tone it down until the weekend?"


    I laughed. "We can try, but I get the feeling she kind of goes at one speed."


    "No kidding."


    As I expected, Saki strolled into the classroom less than a minute before the final bell, and flopped down in her seat.


    "Good morning," Hiromasa said.


    She sighed. "If you say so."


    "How did you possibly get the timing down to only get here seconds before the bell rings?" I asked.


    "It''s an art form," she replied, with a grin.


    The bell rang and class started.


    Just like last time, Saki went straight into doodling. Hiromasa was his usual attentive self. My attention ended up being kind of split. I copied the board down, but my gaze kept drifting towards Saki.


    I watched her run her pen over the paper and realized I was smiling for no reason at all. Then, it hit me, as if someone had etched the word ¡°obvious¡± into a brick and threw it at my stupid face. I was in love with her. When had that happened? That night we broke windows? The first day I saw her at school? Before that, when we were thirteen? I wasn''t sure. The only thing I was sure about was that it was true. The fact was irrefutable now.


    Unfortunately, this realization didn''t really help me much. There wasn''t anything I could do with this information. After all, Saki didn''t believe in love. Leave it to me to fall for the only high school girl who didn''t think romance was a thing. So then, one simple question remained: How do you start a relationship with someone who thought they were a waste of time?


    When lunch period started, Hiromasa moved over to the seat in front of Saki, got out his bento box, and set it on her desk.


    "Does your mom pack you lunch every day?" Saki asked.


    "Usually." Hiromasa plucked the pickled plum out of his rice and stuck it in his mouth.


    Saki, again, didn''t have any food. This time I came prepared. I pulled out one egg sandwich and one with cheese and tomato.


    "Pick one." I dangled the packages in front of Saki.


    "Why?" she asked.


    I shrugged. "They were on sale."


    She scowled. "Do you intend to keep giving me food?"


    "Probably," I said.


    "Well, piss off. I don''t need you to buy me things." She turned towards the window.


    I sighed. "Listen. I can''t eat if you don''t eat."


    "Why?" she asked, without turning back around.


    I set the sandwiches on my desk. "Because I''d feel insanely guilty. Please pick one. You can''t tell me you''re not hungry."


    "Way to make me feel like a dick," Hiromasa said.


    "Your own guilty conscience is not my fault," I said.


    She drummed her fingers on the table and sighed. "Fine. Egg." She held out her hand without looking at me.


    I smiled and put the sandwich in her hand. "Thanks."


    "Are you seriously thanking me for taking food from you?" She looked confused.


    "Yep."


    "You''re weird." She shook her head and unwrapped the sandwich.


    "Yep." I smiled.


    I unwrapped my sandwich and took a bite. "So, what do you say to a normal activity today, Saki?"


    "Sounds boring," she said. Half her sandwich was already gone.


    "Thing is, some of the good kids have curfew times." I tilted my head and jabbed it towards Hiromasa.


    "Wow," Hiromasa said in a monotonous voice. "Your support there was overwhelming. Thanks, Kaito."


    I grinned. "You''re welcome."


    "No thanks." She inhaled the rest of her sandwich.


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    "Come on," I said. "What sounds like more fun? Hanging out by yourself or hanging out with us?"


    That question was a little bit of a gamble, but I was fairly certain I already knew the answer. I might not have been able to read her as well as she could read me, but I did know one thing; she was lonely. And if she was anything like me, she was getting really tired of it. I hadn''t seen her hang out, or even speak to anyone else except that guy at the restaurant who didn''t even know her name. At least I had Hiromasa. I was pretty sure she didn''t have anyone.


    She was quiet for a minute while she stared at me, tapping her finger on the desk.


    "Fine." She sighed. "We''ll see how much fun it really is."


    My lips spread into yet one more involuntary smile. "Thanks."


    After school, we all went to my house and up the stairs to my room.


    "You haven''t changed that much since last time," Saki said, standing in the center of my room and looking around.


    "Well, I was going to have a pool put in over there." I pointed to spot next to the desk. "But the contractor hasn''t gotten back to me yet."


    "Smartass." She went over to the bookshelf and ran her fingers over the manga titles.


    "I''ll be right back." I set my bag down and went down to the kitchen to find something to drink.


    When I returned with a bottle of tea and several glasses, Saki was sitting next to a blushing Hiromasa, flipping through one of those pamphlets you get in the front of video games.


    "Come on, Hiromasa, pick one." She pointed to a page with scantily clad cowgirls on it. "This one or this one." She flipped the page from the pink haired one to the one with brown hair.


    "Kaito, help me." He looked up with pleading eyes.


    I sat down next to Saki, putting the bottle and glasses down in front of us. "He''d probably pick the pink haired one."


    "That''s not the kind of help I meant." Hiromasa hung his head.


    "What about you?" she asked.


    "I''m not really into pink hair, personally. I''d choose the brunette." I poured tea into one of the glasses and handed it to Saki. "How about you?"


    "Hmm." She studied the pages. "I guess I''d go for the brunette too."


    "Don''t like pink hair either?" I passed another filled glass to Hiromasa.


    "I don''t give a crap about her hair," Saki said. "I just think the brunette has a better body."


    Hiromasa choked on his tea and I started laughing.


    "You''re too easy." Saki laughed and hit Hiromasa in the shoulder. "How is this game, anyway?"


    I shrugged. "It''s alright, if you''re into some mindless hack and slash. What do you feel like playing?"


    "What do you recommend?" She stuck the pamphlet back in the case.


    "I guess we can go down nostalgia route and see where we end up." I loaded up the same fighting game from three years ago and handed Saki a controller. "Remember how to play?"


    She grinned. "I think I''ll be alright."


    She destroyed me in the first round, using way more combos and tricks than the two I taught her.


    "Wow," I said. "You''ve been playing this, I guess?"


    She shrugged. "A little."


    "Well then, I won''t go easy on you this time."


    She laughed. "I''m trembling."


    I managed to win the second round, barely. But in the end, she totally demolished me.


    Hiromasa cracked up laughing. "It might have taken a few years, but revenge is so sweet."


    "I wouldn''t be laughing so hard. You get to play next." I tossed him the controller.


    We spent the next few hours playing games with snacks, laughing the whole time. I think I had even more fun than I had three years ago.


    Hiromasa went home in the evening, which meant I got a chance to talk to Saki alone.


    "So, what do you want to do now?" she asked after he''d left.


    "Actually, I want to ask you something." I said, leaning forward to stick the games back in the small shelf below the TV.


    "Like what?" She lay back on the rug.


    "You said before you thought love was a joke, right?" I glanced back at her.


    She nodded. "Right."


    "So then, hypothetically, what would you do if someone wanted to date you?"


    I wasn''t being very subtle. It was a lot like that, "Asking for a friend" line that everyone knew was bullshit, but that was alright. It didn''t really matter to me if she figured it out. That was sort of my goal, after all. I was still going to dance around it a little bit though, because she didn''t seem to take direct questions very well, but more so, because I handle rejection even worse.


    She laughed. "What sort of freak would want to date me?"


    Ouch.


    "He would have to be a freak?" I leaned back on my hands.


    She shut her eyes. "Obviously."


    "Why?"


    She shifted to the side, supporting herself with her elbow. "Because I''m a god damn train wreck."


    I shook my head. "I don''t think that''s true."


    She snorted. "You don''t know me at all."


    "I''d like to."


    "You''d wet yourself."


    I laughed. "I doubt it."


    "I''m not joking." She pointed to her temple. "It''s a horror show up here."


    "What do you mean?" I asked, not convinced at all. "Give me an example."


    "I steal, lie, vandalize, and break shit for fun."


    I shrugged. "Yeah, I knew all that. I don''t think that makes you a train wreck."


    "That''s just the tip of the iceberg. Most days, it''s all I can do to keep from screaming my head off and stabbing people to death."


    "Why''s that?" I asked.


    "What do you mean ''why''?"


    "Well, most people don''t wake up in the morning thinking about murdering people." I paused. "Unless, you''re a serial killer, maybe."


    "Who says I''m not?" She smiled.


    I chuckled. "Have you killed anyone?"


    "Not yet," she said.


    "Then you''re not a killer at all, let alone, a serial killer."


    "Maybe you''ll be my first victim." She grinned.


    I titled my head back. "Hmm. I''d probably be a pretty good choice. I think the only one who would notice I''m gone is Hiromasa."


    "Well, I wouldn''t want Hiromasa to report me, so I guess I''ll have to find a different target."


    "You''re pretty good at dodging questions, but I''m pretty persistent, and I''ve always been fairly patient, so you''re going to have to try a little harder."


    "I''m not dodging questions." She looked down and started picking at the rug.


    "Oh, no? I''ve asked you two, and so far you''ve answered zero." I put my fingers in the shape of a circle.


    She sighed. "I''d tell whoever asked me out that he was a freaking idiot for wasting his time. I''m not interested in that fairy tale crap."


    That was fair. I wasn''t really expecting a different answer, but I couldn''t help but feel a little bit disappointed anyway.


    "I see." I nodded. "Care to answer the other question?"


    She shook her head. "Not really."


    "Why?"


    "Because it doesn''t matter why I am the way I am. I will still be that way tomorrow. It won''t change anything."


    "It''s not that I want you to change, but I think it kind of sucks you feel so angry all the time. Maybe I can help?"


    "No one can help me," she mumbled.


    "How do you know unless you try?"


    "Why would you waste your time?"


    "For starters, it''s not a waste of time." I said. "I want to help you. I don''t need a better reason than that. Why did you want to help me?"


    "You should stop wondering why and asking so many god damn questions. Don''t worry why I do crap or why I am the way I am. It just is." She was starting to sound irritated. It was time to back off.


    I smiled. "That''s fine. I''ll wait."


    She growled. "Your over confidence is really annoying." She punched me in the shoulder and stood up. "I''m going home." She walked out of the room, slamming my door behind her.


    "I''ll bring you something good for lunch tomorrow," I yelled after her.


    "Piss off!" she shouted.


    The front door opened and closed downstairs. I lay back on the rug and folded my arms behind my head.


    This was going to take a little while, but that''s alright. I wasn''t joking when I said I was patient. I couldn''t pry answers out of her. She would have to give them up willingly. If I was going to get anywhere at all, I was going to have to take it slow, but that was fine, because all I wanted to do was save her. I really believed I could do it too- from whatever it was that hurt her so badly. I wouldn''t pretend to be some prince on a white horse from those fairy tales she hated so much. I''m not that arrogant. I could be a backwater peasant riding a donkey. That would suit me just fine as long as I could get the job done. I didn''t need her to love me either. Just to make her happy was enough. Which brought me back to my question of the day; how do you start a relationship with someone who thought they were a waste of time? Simple answer: you don''t.

 Chapter 7- The Price of Diction

    Tuesday passed about the same way Monday did. I managed to convince Saki to come hang out with me and Hiromasa again, instead of terrorizing the neighborhood, or whatever it is she normally did.


    I spent most of my school days copying notes off the board and watching Saki doodle. It was interesting to watch her work. She would start drawing patterns and shapes in a seemingly random destination on the page. More and more of them would pop up, until things started circling and intersecting with each other. In the end, she would end up with a page so full of ink it would curl in on the corners. She would always start the day drawing slowly, periodically gazing out the window for long periods of time. Then, as the day stretched on, she would get more frantic and start to draw quicker. She scribbled away while her leg twitched under her desk, like she couldn''t wait to get out of there. I almost felt bad for the guy in front of her.


    We were sitting in our last class on Wednesday, when Saki''s luck finally ran out. A middle aged woman stood at the front of the room, choosing people at random to read out passages from the book.


    "Higoshi, can you read the next one?" the teacher asked.


    Saki''s pen stopped moving. Not good. She hadn''t been on the correct page the entire class. I should know. I''d been watching her like some super stalker the whole time.


    Saki glanced up at her. "No, I can''t."


    "I see," the teacher said.


    Saki waited a few minutes, and then started drawing again. She didn''t really seem embarrassed that she was totally lost. Still, I doubted this was going to end well. Mrs. Okano can''t have been the only one to notice Saki''s lack of attentiveness in class.


    In our final homeroom of the day, Mr. Nagashima asked that Saki stay seated. When we were dismissed, the rest of the students shuffled out of the classroom, including Hiromasa, who gave me a really confused look when I stayed put. Pretty soon, only Mr. Nagashima, Saki, and I remained in the room. Saki got up and went towards the front of the class where Mr. Nagashima stood.


    "Nagase, can you wait outside?" Mr. Nagashima said.


    "I don''t mind if he stays," Saki said before I could reply.


    He nodded. "Very well. Higoshi, I''ve been hearing some troubling things from the other teachers. They say you aren''t paying attention in class."


    "They''re right," Saki said.


    Would a little tact kill her?


    Mr. Nagashima sighed and leaned against the podium. "Are you having some sort of issue? Surely, you must know how important your education is. Is there anything you want to tell me?"


    "No," Saki said. "Nothing."


    He was going to lose his patience pretty soon.


    "I can tutor her." I stood up and went to the stand next to her. "I''m not the top of the class or anything, but I can keep you from failing."


    Mr. Nagashima smiled. "I think that''s a good idea. In fact, I like that idea a lot. Nagase, she''s in your hands now." He gave us a wave.


    "Thanks for bailing me out," Saki said, as we left the classroom.


    "I get the feeling you wouldn''t be saying that if you knew I was serious about it," I said.


    "Hey," Hiromasa said, propping himself up from his leaning position on the wall. "Are you in trouble?"


    "What the hell do you mean ''serious''?" Saki said, ignoring him.


    "Just what it sounds like," I said. "How did you make it this far by skipping school and slacking off in class anyway? Didn¡¯t teachers ever question you before?"


    She shrugged. "I seem to get worse by the year, failing more and more tests. I¡¯ve had a good few lectures and punishments, but since I don¡¯t really give a single shit, none of it ever really stuck.¡±


    "Well, hopefully we can do a little better than that this year." I pointed at Hiromasa. "He can help, too."


    "Help what?" he asked.


    "Tutor Saki," I said.


    "I''d love to help." He grinned.


    "Really?" She jerked her thumb in his direction. "The guy who signs his name to graffiti is going to help me study?"


    "Shh!" Hiromasa waved his arms. "Not so loud."


    "Actually, Hiromasa is weird that way. Common sense has never been his thing, but academically he''s pretty good."


    "Gee, thanks." He rolled his eyes. "Not sure whether to feel praised or insulted."


    "You don''t have to feel anything, because I''m not going to study," she said.


    "Do you really want to get further behind? Why don''t you just try it until the end of the semester?" I asked. "If it doesn''t work, I won''t say another word, and you can go back to doodling until you fail every single test if you want.¡±


    "Pass," she said, and walked past Hiromasa, making her way down the hall.


    I walked in front of her, blocking her path. "There must be something I can do to get you to try. I''ll do anything you want."


    She sighed, tilted her head to the side and stood silently for a minute, probably considering the offer. A grin budded in the corners of her mouth and then blossomed into that smile of hers.


    "Anything?" she asked.


    I swallowed hard. Usually, when you say that to someone, it is understood that there are certain stipulations. The word anything doesn''t actually mean anything. I should have chosen my words more carefully when making my offer, but it was too late to take it back.


    "Anything," I answered.


    She giggled. "Great. In that case, I have a special treat planned for Thursday."


    "I don''t suppose you''ll tell me what it is?" I asked.


    "Of course not." She grinned.


    I sighed and hung my head.


    "Excuse me?" Hiromasa put his hand up. "I''m not included in this deal, am I?"


    "No," she called over her shoulder. "You''re free to come along, but only Kaito is bound by contract." She smiled at me.


    Lucky me.


    "Are we going to my house to study then?" I asked.


    "How do I know you''re going to keep your end of the deal?" she asked.


    "I could ask you the same question," I said. "Consider it a partial payment, some now, some later."


    "Alright, but you better not back out on me." She poked me in the nose.


    I smiled. "I wouldn''t dream of it. Come on, Hiromasa."


    Whatever my ¡°special treat¡± was going to be, I considered it worth it. Saki didn¡¯t technically have to be at school at all anymore. I still had no idea what had happened to her in the past, but she could have quit after junior high. The fact that she bothered to take and pass a high school entrance exam, or that she was still bothering to show up at all meant that she must still care deep down. However, I was worried if she didn¡¯t start to shape up, the teachers would continue to hassle her, and eventually she¡¯d stop bothering to even come to school. This was a risk I couldn¡¯t take.


    The three of us made our way back to my house and up to my room. We set our bags down and got out our notebooks.


    "What subject do you want first?" I asked Saki.


    "I don''t care." She flopped down onto the rug. "Surprise me."


    "Hiromasa?" I asked.


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    "How about math?" He cracked open his notebook.


    "That works for me," I said.


    "Yay," Saki said sarcastically.


    I chucked my notebook next to Saki. "You two start. I''ll be back."


    I went downstairs to get some juice and fresh strawberry daifuku. To my surprise, when I returned, Saki wasn''t harassing Hiromasa. She was lying on her stomach, scribbling stuff down on a new page of her notebook while Hiromasa pointed to things in his. I sat down next to her and set all the stuff down. Saki pulled herself into a sitting position and stared at the package of daifuku.


    "Want one?" I asked.


    She nodded. I took one out of the plastic and handed it to her. She took a small bite and chewed slowly, staring down at the strawberry surrounded by red bean paste and sweet rice dough. I don''t think I''d ever seen her eat anything at a slow pace.


    "Wow," Hiromasa said. "You can actually eat stuff like a normal person."


    She glared at him. "I like strawberries." She took another careful bite.


    I took two more daifuku out, giving one to Hiromasa and eating the other. I reserved the last one left in the package for Saki.


    We spent the next few hours teaching Saki and letting her copy down notes. She caught on pretty fast, which didn''t surprise me, because I assumed her whole problem was a lack of effort from the beginning. The real challenge was going to be in keeping her on track the whole year.


    Thursday came faster than I expected. As soon as lunch period started, Saki turned to me with a grin.


    "Ready?" she asked.


    "We aren''t going to get to eat, are we?" I asked.


    She smirked. "Probably not."


    I sighed.


    "Where are you guys going?" Hiromasa asked.


    Saki smiled, took a few steps forward, and leaned down to whisper something in Hiromasa''s ear.


    He shook his head. "No thanks."


    "I thought so." She glanced back at me. "Come on."


    I followed her out of the room and we started down the hall. I wondered what she could''ve said to Hiromasa that would''ve made him reject the idea so suddenly. She hadn''t said much, so it must have been straight to the point. Whatever it was, he was probably smart to refuse. I wish I could''ve been so clever.


    "Where are we going?" I asked.


    "It''s a secret." She put a finger to her lips and smiled.


    I sighed. "Is there some reason Hiromasa gets to know and I don''t?"


    "Because I knew he would just get weird about it."


    "And I won''t?" I asked.


    She shrugged. "It doesn''t matter. We had a deal."


    I sighed again. "Right."


    We left the main building through one of the back doors and walked across the school grounds until we came to the old white shed used to store out of season sports equipment and other random clutter that hadn''t found its way into a dumpster yet. Not many students wander out that far. It''s near the edge of the property, and there isn''t anything out there of particular interest if you''re actually doing what you''re supposed to be doing. Despite that, this was not the first time I''d been out to that shed. I''d been there numerous times before, and not for sports equipment. We circled around back and she stopped to lean against the wooden, paint chipped panels of the building.


    "We can probably wait a few minutes before we hide." She looked down and scraped some of the paint off the wood with her finger nail. "They usually don''t get here until a little later."


    "Am I supposed to know what you''re talking about?" I stuck my hands in my pockets and leaned against the wall next to her.


    "It might surprise you to know that some of our fellow students use this spot to sneak away for midday trysts." She winked at me.


    I laughed. "I don''t know about surprising. This isn''t the first time I''ve been back here."


    "Really? I''m not the first girl you''ve been here with?" She nudged me with her elbow. "Bad Kaito. Here I thought I was turning a good boy bad. You''re not so good after all."


    I chuckled. "Sorry to disappoint you. I can try to fake it, if you want." I gasped. "Students fooling around at school? Who ever heard of such a thing?" I put my hand over my open mouth in mock surprise.


    She giggled. "Not bad, but I''m getting kind of jealous. Does your lover have a name? It wasn''t that girl that broke up with you before, was it?"


    I snorted. "Kaho? God, no. This was last year. Her name was Izumo Yokota."


    "Hmm. Izumo." Saki taped the side of her mouth with her index finger. "Not ringing any bells, but then again, I''m not really good with names."


    "She graduated last year."


    "Oh?" She leaned towards me, grinning. "Not just a girl, but a third year. You are fun." She pushed off the shed and stood in front of me. "So, how did it go?" She pressed up against me, sliding her thigh gently between my legs. "Something like this?"


    "Yeah, something similar." I fought every urge to reach out and touch her, because if I did it wouldn''t be a game anymore.


    She laughed and slapped my cheek playfully. "Your face is priceless. Come on. It''s almost time."


    She walked off to a cluster of trees and bushes nearby. I wasn''t sure what I should do when she did stuff like that. It was obviously amusing to her, but I didn''t get the joke. I didn''t really think I could keep doing nothing either. I''m not well versed in restraint.


    I took a deep breath and let it out, trying to regain focus, and then followed her. I''m not really sure why. I guess sadist just happens to be my type.


    "So, why are we here, really?" I asked, crouching in the foliage next to her. "You''re going to have to tell me sometime."


    She sighed. "I suppose so. I do need your phone, anyway."


    "My phone? Why? What about your phone?"


    "I don''t have a phone, and I need one to take pictures."


    "Stop." I put my hand up before she could continue. "You got me to come out here to take pictures of a person with their tongue down someone''s throat as blackmail?"


    "Yeah, basically."


    I nodded, stood up, and brushed myself off. "Bye." I gave a small wave and started to walk away.


    "Wait." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. "We had a deal. You said you''d do anything. Are you a man of your word, or not?"


    I sighed and reached into my pocket. She grinned as I handed her the phone. This was really going to come back and bite me in the ass later. We crouched again. I couldn''t believe she really didn''t have a cellphone. I guess theft can only get you so far.


    "I think you owe me a little more information. Why are you taking pictures of this person?"


    "You were right," she said. "It''s blackmail."


    "For what, though? What do they have on you?"


    She snorted. "If I wanted people knowing what it was, I wouldn''t need these pictures, now would I?"


    "So, they have secret on you that you don''t want other people knowing?"


    She gave an exasperated sigh and leaned her head back. "If I tell you the gist of it, will you shut up?"


    "Sure." I nodded.


    "This girl, Sayoko, lives close to my apartment, so she tends to hear things. I don''t usually give a crap about what rumors go around about me, but this one involves a family member, and I don''t really like people poking their nose where it doesn''t belong. I usually favor a more direct approach, but I don''t think it will fix the problem this time."


    I assume, with Saki, a direct approach is less likely to mean a face to face conversation, and more likely to mean a fist to the throat.


    "And your pictures are going to prove what? That she''s messing around behind a shed? Who''s going to care? Her mother?"


    "Yeah, right," she scoffed. "I think her boyfriend would be much more interested to know that she''s out here with his best friend."


    "Ouch." I paused. "You realize this isn''t a permanent solution, right? At some point they are probably just going to get busted anyway?"


    She shrugged. "At that point, if she still wants to mess with me, I''ll have to come up with a new plan."


    "What is her issue with you in the first place?"


    "She just likes to put people under her thumb and make them squirm."


    That might have very well been true about the girl she was trying to blackmail, but I got the feeling that wasn''t the whole story. Although, with Saki, that was hardly surprising.


    We waited in silence for a bit longer. Finally, Sayoko and the guy she wasn''t dating turned up. They immediately began to kiss and fondle each other.


    I turned my head away while Saki clicked away on the phone. I''m usually not bashful, but spying on people from the bushes is not really my idea of a good time. I''d much rather be the guy by the shed. I hoped Saki had some sort of escape plan. I wasn''t really sure how far they intended to go, but I remembered the times I was back here, and I really didn''t want to be around when people started losing articles of clothing.


    "That should be enough," Saki said, and stood up.


    What was I thinking? Escape plan? Forget that. This thing wasn''t going to bite me in the ass later because it was happening right now.


    "Hey, Sayoko." Saki stepped from the bushes.


    I didn''t really have a choice but to follow her. I kept my head down as we approached them. They had separated now, and were standing a few feet apart. I glanced up from everyone''s feet, briefly, to try and get a gauge on how bad the situation was going to go. The guy was looking bewildered. Clearly, this was not how he thought his afternoon was going to go. I kind of felt bad for him, but he was being a spectacularly shitty friend, so the feeling was pretty fleeting. Sayoko looked furious and Saki had a cocky grin on her face. Bad. The situation was going to go very badly. I stuck my hands in my pockets and focused on the grass.


    "What the hell are you doing here, Saki?" Sayoko barked.


    "Insuring you keep your mouth shut," Saki said.


    Sayoko snorted. "How do you plan to do that?"


    Against my better judgment, I looked up again. Saki taped the phone and held it up. Sayoko''s face slowly twisted itself into a mix of worry and anger. She made a grab for the phone, but Saki pulled it out of her reach.


    "Give it to me!" Sayoko demanded.


    Saki just laughed in response.


    I started to go over the pros and cons of whether or not I should get a phone in a new model, or save some money on the older version when mine inevitably got smashed on the ground.


    Sayoko pointed a finger at me. "Who the hell is that?"


    "No one important." I put my hands up. "And I''d like to state that I''m here partially against my will."


    "He''s just a friend," Saki said. "You don''t have to worry about him."


    "Friend?" Sayoko sneered. "You don''t have any of those." She turned her gaze on me. "Look, I don''t know what she promised to get you out here, but I can assure you she won''t deliver. You''re better off just walking away."


    I shrugged. "Guess I''ll have to find out for myself."


    She gritted her teeth. "Naoki, get the phone from her."


    "Um..." he started.


    "Naoki!" she yelled.


    He grimaced and took a hesitant step forward.


    I put my arm out in front him. "Sorry. I can''t let you do that."


    Sayoko clicked her tongue. "Why are you helping her? If you knew the first thing about her-"


    "Sa-yo-ko," Saki ticked the phone back and forth with every syllable.


    Sayoko sucked air through her teeth and glared at the phone.


    "Come on, Kaito. I think we''re done here," Saki said.


    She started to walk off and I followed her. We hadn''t gotten very far, before Sayoko started screaming at Naoki, blaming him for not doing anything. Poor guy.


    "Here," Saki held out the phone to me as we walked. "You can''t get rid of those pictures though, obviously."


    I sighed and took the phone. "I do look forward to this going even more sideways than it already has."


    "Don''t worry about it." I''ve known Sayoko for a while. "She won''t cause any more problems."


    "An old friend?" I asked.


    She shook her head. "No. Like she said, I don''t have any of those."


    "Oh really? I must have been hearing things back there then, or did you not say I was your friend?"


    Saki rolled her eyes. "You''re not going to make me regret it, are you?"


    I smiled mischievously. "We''re going to be the best of friends." I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "We''ll stay up late and braid each other''s hair."


    "Oh, God. I take it back. I take it all back!" She shoved me away. "I hate you. Don''t speak to me anymore!"


    I laughed as we made our way back towards the class room. Lunch break was all but over, which sucked, because it meant I was going to be hungry the rest of the day. Plus, my interest had peaked over the incident with Sayoko. There wasn''t any way to satisfy it either, because it''s not as though I could just ask Saki. It was just one more thing I had to add to the list of stuff I didn''t know about her, and that list was getting pretty long.

 Chapter 8- Adrenaline Junkie

    The end of the week meant that Hiromasa and I were once again standing in front of that abandoned apartment at night, staring at Saki, a devilish smile spread wide across her face. Hiromasa was wearing his cheesy grin, as always. Why was he even here? I clearly had my own mental issues I was working out, but he was pretty well adjusted, so what joy could a straight going, vanilla guy be getting out of this?


    "So," Saki said. "I''ve been doing some thinking about what we should do today." She fell silent.


    "And?" I asked.


    She smiled and beckoned us to follow, leading us around the back of the apartment


    "I''ve come up with something fun, that isn''t even illegal." She cocked her head to the side. "Well, at least not as illegal as spray painting public places."


    "Knowing you, that won''t make this any better," I said.


    She looked back at me and grinned. I hate it when I''m right.


    She led us up to the second floor and slipped through the window the same way she had the first night we hung out. I followed her without being prompted this time. Hiromasa was understandably hesitant.


    "Come on," Saki urged. "Nothing in here is going to bite you." She paused. "Well, except maybe me."


    Hiromasa entered through the window slowly. "Are you sure this is alright?"


    Saki shrugged. "I''ve never gotten busted for being in here. Good enough?"


    "Not really." His eyes darted around the room.


    She groaned. "You''re such a scaredy-cat. Want me to hold your hand?"


    "N-no," he stuttered.


    She sighed. "Come on then."


    We followed her to the room with the futon and candles. She grabbed a label-less glass bottle that sat against the wall. It was a slightly different shape, and had a lot more liquid left in it than the one she had last time. She unscrewed the lid and took a drink from the bottle.


    "Want some?" She held the bottle out to me.


    I put my hands up and shook my head. "No thanks."


    She moved the bottle towards Hiromasa. He shook his head rapidly.


    She sighed and lowered the bottle to her side. "Fine, but this is going to be a lot more fun buzzed."


    "Um...does someone live here?" Hiromasa pointed at the futon.


    "Yeah, me, on occasion." Saki said.


    Hiromasa smiled. "Cool. Like a clubhouse."


    That guy was so clueless sometimes.


    Saki laughed. "Sure, why not?"


    We went back down the hall and out the window, Saki toting her bottle the whole way. Once we were outside, she set it down on the concrete floor of the balcony.


    "Do we get to know what we''re doing yet?" I asked.


    "Well, I could tell you, but it would be so much more fun to show you," Saki said.


    She went to the railing and used it to push herself up, then flipped one leg after the other over the side. She grasped the top metal bar and leaned back, away from the building, keeping her feet braced against the corner of the ledge.


    "Quit messing around." I held out my hand to her. "You''re going to get hurt."


    She smiled, let go of the railing, and fell.


    "Saki!" I screamed, rushing to the railing.


    She lay on a cream colored mattress on the ground below, holding her stomach and laughing hysterically.


    "You should have seen your faces," she managed to say, before rolling over on her side and laughing again.


    I squeezed the cold bar of the railing and hung my head, letting out a long, deep breath. This woman was trying to give me a heart attack.


    "That was so not funny," Hiromasa whimpered.


    "No kidding," I muttered.


    "You hear me, Saki?" Hiromasa yelled down to her. "That was a really bad joke."


    She rolled off the side of the mattress and looked up at us. "So, who''s next?"


    I took another deep breath, squeezed the railing hard, and put one leg on the other side of the railing.


    "You can''t be serious," Hiromasa said with a worried look on his face.


    "I''m pretty serious." I put my other leg on the outside of the railing and leaned backwards, just as Saki did.


    "This is a bad idea," Hiromasa said.


    It sure was. My heart was already thumping away like crazy.


    "Don''t let go yet," Saki said from below. "I need to make sure you''re actually where you need to be."


    "Your concern is touching," I said.


    "Don''t misunderstand," she said. "I just don''t want to haul your crippled ass to the hospital or wait while Hiromasa digs a hole for your body."


    "Why do I have to dig the hole?" Hiromasa asked.


    I glared at him. "Is that really your only problem with that statement?"


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    He laughed nervously and grinned. "Sorry."


    "Go ahead," Saki said. "Make sure to push off a little bit."


    I took a final deep breath and let go of the railing, pushing off the ledge with my feet. My heart flew into my throat as the wind whirled past my ears. For just a split second, I really felt like I might die. It was fantastic.


    My back hit the semisoft mattress. I bounced once, fell back down, and exploded into laughter.


    "How was it?" Saki asked, leaning over me.


    "Great," I said.


    She smiled. "Next time, I''ll be sure to move the mattress."


    "Your sense of humor is sick." I rolled to the side of the mattress and stood up next to her. "Where did you get this thing, anyway?"


    "Someone left it in the apartment," she said.


    "I see..." I said, making a mental note to scrub extra hard in the shower.


    "Your turn," Saki called up to Hiromasa.


    Hiromasa put his hands on the railing and peered over the side. "I don''t want to."


    "You don''t have to," I said.


    "Don''t baby him," she muttered.


    "I''m not babying him," I said. "I''m just giving him options."


    Saki cupped both hands around her mouth. "Jump for God''s sake. Stop being a pussy!"


    Hiromasa shuddered and climbed over the railing.


    "Wait there," Saki instructed, then circled the mattress while peering up at Hiromasa.


    "Out of interest for my friend, how bad is it going to be if he screws this up?" I asked.


    She shrugged. "Not sure. I''ve never missed. The second floor isn''t really that high when you think about it. Although, I''m sure it all depends in how you land. You''re jumping backwards off a building, and head trauma probably never ends well. You can die just by falling down a few stairs, you know?"


    I sighed. "Your answers are reassuring, as always."


    She walked back over to me and grinned, then looked up at Hiromasa. "You''re good."


    Hiromasa didn''t jump, obviously. Saki sighed.


    "You can always climb back over," I said.


    Saki clicked her tongue. "He just needs a little bit of encouragement."


    "Maybe it''s just not for him," I said.


    "He wants to do it," she said.


    "Clearly not." I gestured at Hiromasa.


    "Idiot, of course he does," she insisted. "Otherwise, he wouldn''t be here."


    I wasn''t sure what to say. I''m sure that jumping off of buildings wasn''t anywhere on the list of things Hiromasa wanted to do, but then, why else be here? I still hadn''t figured it out.


    "I''m going to count to three," Saki called up. "After three, you''re going to jump."


    Hiromasa shook his head frantically.


    "One, two, three!" Saki yelled.


    To my amazement, at three, he pushed himself off and fell to the mattress, screaming the whole way down. He lay there panting and clutching the fabric, as though it might give and he''d continue to fall. Saki clapped her hands and sat down on the side of the mattress.


    "So?" she asked.


    He pulled himself up into a sitting position and scooted over next to Saki. "If that''s how sky diving is, I will totally pass on that all together."


    She laughed. "I think sky diving lasts a lot longer. Although..." She leaned closer to him and grinned.


    "What?" Hiromasa asked, leaning away from her, his arm up, bracing for an attack.


    "The fall made your hair extra fluffy." She shot her hand through his hair and started swishing it around, laughing while she did it.


    "Knock it off," he protested.


    He grabbed her wrist and held it still, but she just started to use her other hand. He grabbed that one too and laughed triumphantly.


    She grinned and wiggled her fingers. "You know, this is going to get pretty awkward if I have to start using my feet."


    His face went tomato red and he released both her wrists. She chuckled and played with his hair a few more moments, before releasing him from his torture with a giggle.


    "Jeeze," Hiromasa said, combing his hands through his hair.


    She smiled at him and he smiled back. I was such an idiot for not seeing it before. I was too busy trying to sort through my own feelings that I hadn''t noticed it sooner. He had fallen for her too. That''s why he was here. It''s not like I can say it was a total shock. I was sure it was going to happen sooner or later, but I still felt bad for him. It seems I wasn''t the only one entering into unrequited romance.


    Saki and I repeated the jump several times over, both laughing like lunatics every time. She drank a little more, but not enough to make me really worry about her. I wondered if she held back this much when no one was around. Hiromasa decided one jump was enough for him. He didn''t budge on that decision, not even when Saki threated to throw him over the railing. He kept that grin on his face though, so I have to believe he was having fun.


    After a while, we had to call it quits. I didn''t think my heart could take much more and Saki''s legs were getting sore from walking up the stairs so many times. We all lay in a line lengthwise on the mattress, Saki in the middle, our legs bent over the side. It was a cloudy night out, so there wasn''t much to see.


    "Hey, Saki," I said.


    "Hm?" she answered.


    "How did you find this place, anyway?" I asked.


    "I wander around a lot at night," she said.


    "Yeah, about that, I know I''ve said this before, but are you sure that''s smart?"


    "It''s fine. If anyone messes with me, I''ll take care of them."


    "How?" I asked.


    "With a sneak attack!" She backhanded me in the chest.


    I coughed and clutched my chest. "That hurt."


    She grinned. "See? Effective."


    I scowled and pinched her side.


    "Ow." She scooted away from me.


    "Close." Hiromasa''s eyes went wide and he put his hands to the side to block her. "Too close."


    She peered back at him. "Don''t worry. I don''t think you''re going to get cooties."


    His gaze drifted to the side. "That''s not really what I''m concerned about."


    "Oh? Feeling shy?" She inched closer to him.


    He blushed and moved away from her. She grinned and slid towards him quickly. He pushed himself backwards and fell off the side of the mattress with a yelp. Saki and I started laughing.


    "Why do I feel like I''m always getting laughed at?" He sat up, rubbing the back of his head.


    "Because you''re so fun to pick on," Saki said.


    Hiromasa folded his arms. "You guys are assholes."


    "Aw. Poor Hiromasa." Saki planted a kiss on the back of his head.


    His face got red again and he pulled his legs up to his chest to bury his face in them.


    "I think you broke him," I said.


    Saki giggled. "Yeah, maybe."


    She moved back to her original spot.


    She was a lot gentler with him at times than she ever was with me. I wasn''t sure if that meant anything or not, and it wasn''t any of my business to ask, not that she''d tell me.


    After a few seconds, Hiromasa got up and lay back down on the mattress.


    "Does this mean we''re forgiven?" I asked.


    "She is. You''re not," He said.


    "I suppose that''s fair," I said. "It''s not like I plan to come over there and kiss your head."


    "Good," Hiromasa said. "Because I don''t want your lips anywhere near my person."


    That got us all laughing.


    The rest of our spring passed much like that night did, together, laughing. Saki led us from one deviant act to the next, whether it was vandalism, destruction, or just forcing us to preform reckless activities. There was no one to really stand in our way either. Though Saki hadn''t given a single clue about her parents, they were clearly out of the picture. I only saw mine a few times a year. Hiromasa''s father worked a lot. Not like mine, but enough to support his large family. His mother was very sweet and devoted, but because Hiromasa had three sisters, all under the age of six, her focus was with them most of the time. She usually depended on Hiromasa to do what he was supposed to do, which normally wasn''t a problem. Unfortunately, Hiromasa was best friends with a guy who was flirting with the idea of being an adrenaline junkie, and had a crush on the girl who was feeding his best friend''s habit.


    My feelings for Saki were obviously not going to be returned, but that was alright. Just being near her was enough, for now. I hoped over time my feelings might dull. Since I couldn''t manage to muster any romantic feelings before, perhaps the ones I had now would be fleeting. In any case, I vowed to keep her close. After all, she was the one who had woken me up.

 Chapter 9- Sakis Games

    "Come on, Saki. Please." I pressed my palms together and bowed my head. "I''m not saying you have to do all the homework, just some of it."


    It was the last day of the first semester. Saki had passed her exams, barely, all thanks to me and Hiromasa. My new struggle was trying to get Saki to do the homework they had assigned over summer break. I was sure if I didn''t get her started on it, all hope was lost. She hung in through the semester, but without the structure of a school day, I couldn''t imagine what was going to happen. I don''t think something like arson on a grand scale was too off the mark. She had gotten increasingly frustrated and foul mouthed over the weeks leading up to the end of the semester, and I shuddered to think of the atrocities that awaited Hiromasa and I over the summer.


    Saki groaned and flopped back in her chair, letting her limbs and neck go limp like a ragdoll. "Why the hell would I do homework on the last day of school? It''s called a break for a reason, you know?"


    "I''ll give you a bag of potato chips and a pack of milk candy," I said.


    She tilted her head towards me. "Spicy chili flavored?"


    I nodded. "Of course."


    "Hm." She sat up. "Two packs of candy and melon bread."


    "Deal." I smiled.


    "But, this is only for the one time. I make no promises for future homework sessions."


    "Oh, really?" I folded my arms and grinned at her. "What if I promise to give you a strawberry based dessert every day until you finish?"


    She gritted her teeth and drummed her fingers on the desk.


    "I''m back," Hiromasa said, walking up behind me. "What did I miss? We''re going outside, right? I''m starving."


    "Fine," Saki growled. "But, I will only do a maximum of an hour a day."


    "Agreed, but only if the hour starts when you actually start doing work, and not when you get to my house."


    Saki rolled her eyes and grumbled. "Deal."


    Over the past few months, Saki and I had developed a number of games. Game number one: food bargaining. The game was simple; I would request a favor, which usually involved something scholastic, then Saki and I would haggle until we reached an agreement. I used strawberries as my trump card, since she loved them so much. They had to be fresh strawberries though. Strawberry flavored things wouldn''t work. I discovered this when I tried to barter with strawberry milk and got laughed at. The game usually went largely in her favor. Honestly, she could ask for more than she did. I would probably have given her anything she wanted, and I think she knew that.


    "Sure," I said, finally answering Hiromasa. "Let''s go."


    The three of us left the classroom and started down the hall.


    "What were you guys talking about?" Hiromasa asked while we walked.


    "Getting Saki to do homework over the break," I said. "Which reminds me, how about that cell phone situation?"


    Saki sighed, exasperated. "Are we really going to do this again? You''re not getting me a phone."


    "How can I contact you on summer break?" I asked.


    "Don''t worry about it. I''ll find you," she said.


    "That''s not very reassuring. Besides, how am I supposed to send you ''you up'' texts without a phone?" I grinned at her.


    She chuckled. "I suppose you''re right. Phone sex using public phones is getting kind of awkward."


    Hiromasa choked. Saki and I both laughed.


    Game number two: flirting game. This one developed pretty naturally between the two of us. The object was simply to stump or fluster the other person. This usually ended in a draw because Hiromasa would cave long before either of us did.


    "Is that a yes?" I asked, holding an exterior door open for Hiromasa and Saki.


    "No, that''s a piss off, as usual." Saki stepped through the doorway.


    We went to our usual spot, under the shade of a large tree.


    Many students, including us, had started to migrate outside for lunch as the weather got nicer. As always, I took my seat much too close to Saki. Hiromasa sat across from us with his usual look of disapproval. I couldn''t care less. I wasn''t going to hold back on his account. It''s not as though my boldness was going to get me anywhere, but it was certainly preferable to sitting apart from her.


    The final game: closeness game. This game might have been entirely in my own head, but that didn''t stop it from being my favorite. It was the simplest of the three. I sat as close as I possibly could to Saki and she pretended not to notice or care. I assumed this was probably the case. Her personal space meter was so far out of whack that it probably didn''t seem at all unusual to her. I abused the hell out of that fact. Hiromasa gave me judgmental looks, but I''m pretty sure that''s only because he could never bring himself to sit that close to her.


    It started out innocent enough. One day, while we were sitting outside, it started raining, so Saki had moved closer into the protection of the tree. She sat so close her arm touched mine. Then it occurred to me, with all that weird behavior before, it probably felt like nothing to her.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    Ever since that day, I made sure to sit close enough so that our arms, legs, or both were touching, and she never said a word. It was the closest I could get to her without actually sitting her in my lap, which, honestly, on my more masochistic days, I would have preferred, but I think that act might have registered somewhere, even on Saki''s meter.


    I handed Saki a yakisoba bun and a strawberry yogurt parfait, which she practically started drooling over. She had come to terms with me giving her lunch; hence the food bargaining game. However, other gifts were still out of the question.


    "So, do we have any plans for the summer?" Hiromasa took the lid off his bento box.


    "As always, I''ve got nothing." I took a bite of my own yakisoba bun. "Saki?"


    She smiled. "I''m sure I''ll think of something."


    We were so screwed.


    "Any clues?" I asked.


    "You should know by now, that just isn''t going to happen." She finished off the yakisoba bun and started on her parfait, which she savored.


    Near the end of lunch period, when we all stood to leave, Hiromasa stayed back.


    "What''s up?" I asked, glancing back at him.


    "You can go on ahead, Saki," Hiromasa said. "I just need to talk to Kaito for a second."


    "Whatever." Saki gave a wave over her shoulder without looking back.


    Hiromasa waited until Saki was well out of range before he said anything. "Listen. I''ve got something I need to ask you."


    "You''re being oddly serious. Should I be worried?" I asked.


    He cocked his head and rubbed the back of it with his hand, grinning. "Sorry. I just wanted to talk to you alone, and I''m not sure how much time I''ll get later."


    "Talk to me about what?"


    His expression turned serious again. "What is Saki to you?"


    I shrugged. "A friend. Why?"


    "Well the thing is..." He hung his head. "This is going to be harder than I thought."


    I laughed. "You don''t have to be embarrassed. Whatever it is, I don''t care."


    He lifted his head back up. "I....kind of...like Saki." He pressed the tips of his index fingers together, nervously.


    Obviously.


    I nodded. "I know."


    "And you like her too, right?"


    Equally as obvious.


    "Yeah," I said.


    He let out a depressive sigh and hung his head. "I thought so."


    "Well, don''t get too disheartened. It''s not like I''ve actually done anything about it."


    "Really?" He asked, his expression bright again.


    "Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck. "She''s not exactly the romantic type."


    Hiromasa squeezed his eyes and both his fists shut in a silent cheer. "So, I still have a shot then?"


    "Huh? Weren''t you paying attention? I said she''s not into it."


    "Well, have you actually told her you like her?"


    My eyes dodged to the side. "Not exactly."


    "We should be rivals."


    I cracked up. "What the hell? Rivals? You''ve got to be joking."


    He folded his arms. "What''s so funny about that?"


    "Because you''re saying that like one of us will eventually win, and it''s just not going to happen."


    "Come on. We just have to agree to no hard feelings at the end."


    What kind of na?ve statement was that? No hard feelings? Of course there would be. Just saying things out loud doesn''t make them so.


    "I don''t think you''re getting this." I grabbed hold of his shoulders. "This is poi-n-t-less." I formed the word slowly with my mouth.


    He grinned. "Afraid you''ll lose?"


    "Lose?" I let go of his shoulders and smirked. "As if I''d ever lose to you."


    "Great. It''s settled then." He slapped my shoulder as he walked past me.


    I stood there for a second, dumbfounded. What the hell just happened? Did I actually let myself get tricked by Hiromasa? I rubbed my face with both my hands. Maybe I should''ve gotten more sleep.


    We all headed back to my house after school to get a start on our summer work. Saki was clearly less than thrilled, but we got out our books anyway. She sat slumped up against the side of my bed. I, of course, sat next to her. Hiromasa took his seat across from us. We had been working for less than twenty minutes, when I glanced over at Saki, only to find her head leaned back on my bed. She was holding a manga book a few inches from her face.


    I sighed. "How long have you had that?" I reached over and snatched it out of her hands.


    Her arms flopped down by her sides and she groaned. "I think I might actually be dying of boredom."


    "I hope you know that this doesn''t count as part of the homework hour." I waved the book at her.


    She moved her lips, silently mocking me. I scowled at her and tossed the book out of her reach.


    "What number are you on?" Hiromasa asked, and moved over to sit on the other side of her.


    She picked herself up from her limp position and pointed at the notebook in her lap.


    He nodded. "You need to add this to this first." He tapped at the problem on her paper.


    She started to scribble stuff down on the page and he pulled his hand back, but was careful to leave his shoulder against hers. He glanced up and locked eyes with me for a second. I must have had the most stupid looking wide-eyed expression on my face.


    He was more daring than I''d given him credit for. I guess the gloves truly were off. Why was he even trying so hard? Hadn''t I told him this whole thing was pointless? But then, what was this wave of heat that washed over me? Why were my fingers itching to pull her closer?


    Saki left later that evening, saying she''d keep in touch. I really hoped the promise of strawberries was enough to make that true. Hiromasa was getting ready to leave too, but I just couldn''t let that whole thing drop without saying anything.


    "You surprised me today," I said from midway up the stairs.


    He was sitting at the entryway putting on his shoes. "I don''t know what you''re talking about."


    I snorted and leaned against the wall. "Come on. Don''t play dumb now. I mean for a guy who blushes every time a girl touches him, you sure got pretty close today."


    He chuckled and glanced back at me. "I guess you haven''t noticed then. I''ve been getting a lot better since we started hanging out with Saki."


    He was right. I hadn''t noticed, but it was true. I thought back to the last few weeks. All that teasing and hair touching was gradually wearing down that shy exterior of his.


    "Not to worry." He stood up, tapped his shoes into place and turned around to face me. "I know I''m not at your level yet."


    "That''s probably a good thing," I said. "A lot of girls find that shy thing endearing."


    He snorted. "Yeah, sure. Why do you get all the girls and I don''t then?"


    I smirked. "Well, if you''re worried, I can give you some numbers."


    He smiled and shook his head. "See you later." He waved and shut the door behind him.


    I descended the rest of the stairs, crossed through the dark living room into the kitchen, and flipped on the lights- cold, white, and sterile, as always.


    I filled the electric kettle with fresh water and turned it on, then grabbed a pork flavored instant ramen container out of the cupboard. I sat it on the counter and leaned against the island while I waited for the kettle to boil.


    Summer breaks are usually great. I get a chance to let my face rest from all that fake smiling and finally get to do what I want to do, which is usually just hanging around in my room and shutting out the world, with the exception of Hiromasa.


    My first year in high school, I made the mistake of having a girlfriend over most of the summer, which was utterly exhausting. She always wanted to go out and do or see things, like swimming, fireworks, movies, the sun. Faking enjoyment that much is very draining.


    This time, I had a very different problem. I hadn''t been faking things a whole lot lately and the girl I wanted to see had no reliable way of communication. That only left me with several options, showing up to that abandoned apartment with crossed fingers, wishing on shooting stars, sending up smoke signals, or waiting for her to show up at my house. I hated being at her mercy. I''d gotten used to seeing her almost every day, aside from the painfully long gap on Golden Week, and the thought that I could go days or weeks without talking to her gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Love sucks.

 Chapter 10- Pale Moonlight

    It had been over a week since I''d seen Saki and I think I might have been starting to go a little bit crazy. I''d been thinking about her nonstop. In the day I could distract myself with things like games, manga, or even Hiromasa''s company, but the nights were the worst. I didn''t have anything to drown out my own thoughts so I was forced to wonder where she was, if something happened to her, and when or if she was coming back.


    It seemed unlikely, after being friends with her for this long, that she would simply disappear for the entire summer break, but I don''t pretend to know the first thing that was going on in her head. That fantasy I had of my feelings for Saki fading had long since passed. It was clear to me that they weren''t going anywhere and I was just going to have to deal with the rushes of bliss followed by the pangs of longing.


    I decided I was long overdue for a trip to the store. All that was left in the fridge was a jar of mayonnaise, and my stock of instant noodles was completely gone. A little fresh air might not have been such a bad idea either.


    I walked several blocks from the house, to the convenience store I usually went to. One of the light panels in the stripped boarder around the top of the building was still cracked, and had been for a few months. The sales woman at the counter greeted me as I walked through the sliding glass doors. I got a hand basket and started to walk up and down the aisles, grabbing stuff that only took some hot water to prepare.


    I reached out to grab a bowl of tempura udon, when someone''s hands slid around my eyes.


    "Guess who?" Saki said softly in my ear.


    I smiled. "Hm. The devil, maybe?"


    She giggled and removed her hands from my eyes. "Close enough."


    I tried to hide my smile as I turned around to face her. "Are you stalking me now?"


    She shrugged. "Well, watching you sleep through the window just isn''t as fun lately."


    "You should try getting in the bed with me. I''m a lot more fun that way." I grinned.


    She laughed. "I''ll keep that in mind. What are you up to anyway?"


    "Shopping. What does it look like?"


    "Oh, yeah. I guess you would have to shop for yourself, wouldn''t you?"


    I went back to grabbing things off the shelf. "What are you doing here?"


    "I was on my way to your house and happened to see you here, so I thought I''d mess with you a little."


    "Yeah, sounds like you." I turned the corner to the next aisle. She followed with her hands folded behind her back.


    "God." She peered into my basket. "Don''t you buy anything healthy?"


    "Not really. It''s my dream to die at forty."


    "I guess I can''t really talk." She picked up a candy bar and studied it. "It''s not like I can cook either."


    "Who says I can''t cook?" I asked.


    "You mean you can cook?"


    I shrugged. "A little. I just don''t see the point when it''s just me."


    She smirked. "I''d love to see you in one of those frilly pink aprons." She shoved the candy bar into her pocket.


    I sighed, reached into her pocket, retrieved the candy bar, and dropped it in my basket. "Let''s not start getting into who wants to see who in what."


    She chuckled. "You sure are getting handsy."


    I shook my head and walked down the aisle, skipping the next few, until I got to the refrigerated section. I grabbed a few different flavored rice balls and plopped them in the basket, then a salad, which I shook in Saki''s direction.


    "Happy?"


    She grinned. "Your mother would approve."


    I grabbed a few bottles of tea and fruity beverages before I went up to the counter and checked out.


    "Thank you," the sales woman called after us as we left the store.


    We stepped to the side of the door and I rummaged through one of the bags until I found her candy bar.


    "You don''t have to do that." I said, handing it to her. "Steal, I mean."


    She snorted. "What would you know about it?" She peeled away the plastic from the top of her bar.


    "Nothing. Why don''t you tell me about it?"


    She just rolled her eyes and took a bite of the candy.


    "So, why were you on your way to see me anyway?" I asked.


    "To tell you to clear your schedule tomorrow night. I will be at your house around nine."


    "See? Now, wouldn''t that have been much easier with a phone?"


    "But then, how would I get to see your pretty, smiling face?" She finished off the chocolate bar.


    "You''re always welcome to stop by. In fact, you''re welcome to come home with me right now."


    She chuckled. "I wouldn''t want you to get sick of me."


    "That would never happen," I said softly.


    She smiled and stuck the empty candy bar wrapper in my pocket. "Tomorrow at nine." She waved and walked off.


    I watched her go, regretfully. I hoped that time would pass quickly, even though I knew it wouldn''t. Still, getting to see her for just a little while had me grinning like an idiot again. I did fall asleep a little bit easier that night.


    The next day Hiromasa came over. He looked as excited as I was to be seeing Saki. As promised, there was a knock on my door a little before nine.


    "Ready?" she asked as soon as I opened the door.


    I leaned against the door frame. "Not really sure how to answer that question, since I have no idea where we''re going or what we are doing."


    "Hi, Saki." Hiromasa chimed from behind me.


    "All you need is yourself," she said.


    We didn''t really have a choice but to accept that as an answer. Hiromasa and I put on our shoes and joined Saki outside. She grinned, and after I locked up, she started to lead us away from the house.


    The sun had already set and the streetlamps lit our path. There were a few people out and about because of the nice weather, but I was sure whatever Saki had planned was not going to take place in a well-lit, populated area.


    "So, the whole not meeting at that apartment thing is odd," I said as we walked.


    Saki nodded. "It''s a long walk from there. I thought it might be easier to take the train."


    Departure from the norm could only mean trouble.


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    "What have you been doing, Saki?" Hiromasa asked.


    She shrugged. "Nothing exiting. How about you?"


    "Nothing either, really," he said. "You should come and hang out with us more often. We miss you." He threw his arm around my shoulder and grinned at me. "Right?"


    I nodded. "Right."


    He leaned over toward Saki and put his free hand up against his mouth to pretend to whisper. "If you would rather hang out without this guy." He pointed his thumb at me. "Then that''s fine too."


    "Shut up." I shrugged his arm off and shoved him.


    He laughed and we continued on our way to the train. I didn''t recognize the stop we got off at, but Saki continued to lead the way confidently.


    After a while, our surroundings started to seem familiar, but I couldn''t place them, not until we approached a small stone building secluded by trees. I hadn''t been to this place since elementary school.


    "A swimming pool?" I asked.


    Saki grinned. "Of course. No better way to beat the summer heat."


    "But, it''s closed, isn''t it?" Hiromasa asked, as we approached the chain link fence surrounding the pool.


    "Sharp as a tack, as always, Hiromasa," Saki said and started to climb the fence.


    Hiromasa reached out like he was going to pull her back, and then thought better of it. He looked around the area frantically.


    "Relax," I reassured him. "Everyone would have gone home by now."


    Saki dropped to the other side and beckoned me with that smile of hers. I started my climb. The fence wasn''t impossibly high, only a few feet above our heads, enough to deter children and animals, not nearly high enough to propose a serious challenge. I landed on the other side next to Saki. Hiromasa didn''t move.


    "Well?" Saki asked.


    "I don''t think this is a good idea." Hiromasa looked around nervously.


    "Obviously, genius," Saki answered. "I don''t have any of those, only fun ones."


    He didn''t say anything. Saki sighed and turned to walk away.


    "Have fun on the train ride home by yourself," she said.


    Hiromasa gave me a pleading look.


    "It''s alright." I grabbed onto the fence. "You really can go home, you know?"


    He started to chew on his fingertips.


    "I guess I''ll just stay here and see Saki in a swim suit all on my own." I grinned.


    His look switched from worried to determined and he started to climb the fence. I had probably been spending too much time around Saki, baiting him like that. He landed next to me and Saki turned around with a smile.


    "Glad you could join us," she said.


    We approached the blue water of the pool. It was a pretty decent size, and all that water looked so peaceful without anyone in it. To the left of us, were several levels of cement steps carved into the hillside meant to serve as seats for people taking a break or watchful parents. Beyond the fence that surrounded the entire area, much like the front, was a dense formation of trees.


    "The pool looks great," I said. "But, there is one problem. Neither of us brought anything to swim in."


    "Don''t worry. Neither did I." She started pulling her t-shirt over her head.


    Hiromasa immediately started slapping my shoulder repeatedly, as if I wasn''t aware a woman was stripping not five feet from me. She tossed her shirt to the side, unzipped her shorts, and began to take those off as well.


    I thought Hiromasa''s eyes might pop out of his head. I know this was highly unusual, but it''s rude to stare too hard. I guess I couldn''t really judge him too harshly. I was having trouble finding somewhere to look myself. Black with a little bit of lace. I might have guessed.


    The thing I realized next both filled me with relief and sadness. She didn''t have any bruises, which meant that whatever was going on at home probably wasn''t physical abuse. To be honest, I didn''t know if that was better or worse.


    She flipped her shorts away with her foot and stepped to the side of the pool. She didn''t check the temperature, merely dove headfirst into the water.


    "Come on," she said after surfacing. "It feels great."


    I pulled my shirt off and threw it next to Saki''s clothes.


    "You''re getting in?" Hiromasa grabbed my arm.


    "Well, we came here to swim, didn''t we?" I stripped down to my boxers.


    Saki wolf whistled from the pool.


    Not being one for finesse, I merely jumped into the pool feet first and swam over to tread water next to her.


    "So, not like I''m complaining, but we could have brought stuff to swim in. I''m pretty sure bathing suits would be easy to steal," I said.


    "Would have ruined the surprise," she said. "Besides, they cover about the same amount of skin. I never really saw the difference, you know?"


    "I''m sorry. Were you trying to make a point of some kind? I was distracted by the lingerie you''re wearing."


    "Dick." She splashed me.


    I laughed and shielded my face with my arm.


    "Are you coming in or what?" Saki asked Hiromasa.


    Hiromasa turned around to take off his clothes and then approached the pool slowly with his arms wrapped around himself.


    "You do realize I could have seen your naked chest even if you were wearing swim trunks, right?" Saki asked.


    "Yeah, but..." Hiromasa trailed off.


    "Will you just come on," Saki said.


    Hiromasa didn''t move or say anything, merely cast his gaze to the side. Saki gave an aggravated sigh and swam to the edge of the pool.


    "You know," she said, grabbing the edge of the pool and pulling herself up and out. "I''m getting pretty sick of this pattern." She put her hands on her hips and leaned her face into his. "We do crap and you always hesitate. Then at the last minute, end up doing it anyway, so why not cut to the chase this time and get in the pool?"


    Hiromasa''s face grew red and his eyes darted all around, like he wasn''t sure where to look.


    "What''s the matter? Do I make you nervous?" Saki asked in a low voice. She circled around him until he was trapped between her and the pool. "You''re already here. Why are you being so difficult?"


    "Come on, Saki," I called from the pool. "Leave him alone."


    She grinned. "I could, or...." She pushed him backwards into the pool.


    His back hit the water, creating a big splash. He came up choking and gasping for air. Saki laughed and jumped back in pool.


    "What is the matter with you?" Hiromasa yelled.


    "That list is pretty long." She backstroked her way over to me. "It feels good now that you''re in here though, doesn''t it?"


    He blinked silently a few times.


    "Yes," he grumbled.


    "I''m kind of disappointed, though." She swam over to him and rubbed a lock of his wet hair between her fingers. "It''s all plastered to your head now."


    "If it''ll keep you from messing with it, maybe I should gel it down every day."


    "No such luck." Saki stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed a hold of his wet head, swaying it from side to side.


    "Quit it." Hiromasa splashed her in the face.


    Saki laughed and retaliated with a splash of her own. They sent wave after wave of water at each other until Saki retreated behind me and grabbed hold of my shoulders.


    "Save me," she pleaded.


    "Yeah rig..." I started to say, when Hiromasa''s splash hit me right in the face.


    I gagged on water and sent a wave back his way. "Asshole."


    Saki hid her face behind me.


    "Nice try," I said, and flipped some water over my shoulder.


    Saki squealed and moved away.


    Pretty soon we were in an all-out splash war, sending water flying at each other and laughing like little kids.


    After a while, Hiromasa put his hand up.


    "Quiet for a second," he said, which was met with a few more splashes. "Seriously. Shut up."


    We stopped splashing and I finally heard it. His phone was ringing from inside his shorts. He swam to the side of the pool, pulled himself out, and tried to shake his hand somewhat dry, before reaching into the pocket of his shorts and pulling out his phone.


    He put the phone up to his ear. "Hel..." he started, before grimacing and pulling it away again. Someone on the other end was screaming loudly.


    He put the phone back to his ear. "I''m sorry, mom." He paused. "Still at Kaito''s. I left it in the other room."


    A smile spread over Saki''s face. I made a futile grab for her arm as she slipped under the water and swam in Hiromasa''s direction. She came up at the edge of the water and threw an arm over the side.


    "Is she alright?" he asked.


    "Oh, Hiromasa," Saki moaned. "Don''t touch me there."


    Hiromasa fastened a hand over her mouth before she could say anything else.


    "N-nothing," he said, into the phone. "Just the TV. I understand. I''m on my way."


    He lowered the phone and took his hand away from Saki''s mouth. "Why would you do that?"


    "I was just playing around," she said.


    He glared at her, made a disgusted sound, and grabbed his clothes off the ground.


    "Everything alright?" I asked.


    "Yeah, not too bad. Kanna is running a fever and mom doesn''t want to leave her alone to go get her medicine. Dad is working late. Anyways, I have to go. See you guys." He walked off briskly in the direction we came in.


    "If you go commando, your shorts won''t get soaked," I called after him. "Seriously."


    "Thanks," he hollered back.


    Saki sighed, kicked off the side, and relaxed her body to float on her back.


    "What was your plan for getting dry?" I asked, making my way over to her side.


    "The air," she said.


    "Because that doesn''t seem like a sure fire way to get sick."


    "Stop whining. It''s really warm out. You''ll be fine." She was quiet for a minute. "Do you think he''s mad at me?"


    I smiled. "Feeling remorseful?"


    She shut her eyes. "Don''t be an idiot. Monsters don''t feel remorse."


    I nodded, letting her keep her lie. "He won''t stay mad for long. He''s not one to hold grudges."


    "You''ve known each other for a while, huh?" She flapped her arms slowly, propelling herself a few inches through the water.


    "Since kindergarten."


    "Who is Kanna?" she asked.


    "One of his sisters. He has three. All younger than him."


    "Sounds like a pain."


    "They aren''t too bad," I said. "Kind of rambunctious sometimes, but that''s just how kids are."


    She flipped over and propelled herself to the other side of the pool, then got out. I swam over to her and folded my arms over the side.


    "Done swimming?" I asked.


    She nodded and walked over to the lowest of the thick stone steps, leaving a trail of water as she went. I pulled myself out as she lay down on her back. I still didn''t have much confidence in the drying at night plan, but I lay on the step above her anyway. It didn''t really matter to me if I went home soaking wet. The step felt a little warm under my back, despite the fact the sun had already been down for a while.


    Her hair splayed out behind her and hung like a curtain over the sides of the step. She looked really pretty bathed in pale moonlight. I wasn''t sure where she was at that moment. She certainly wasn''t there with me. Her mind was adrift somewhere. For the first time since we''d met, I saw that same sad, hurt look her eyes. That lonely girl from three years ago was still there, buried under all that fake stone skin. I wanted so desperately to reach for her, but I couldn''t. She wouldn''t accept any words of comfort and anything romantic would be lost on her, so for now, I would have to settle for the only thing I could say.


    "Saki, the moon is beautiful tonight, isn''t it?"


    She smiled. "Yeah, it is."

 Chapter 11- Happy Family

    I was pleasantly surprised when Saki knocked on my door the next day a little after noon.


    "Hi," I said with a smile, opening the door. "Come in."


    She stepped inside, set down the plastic bag she was holding, and took her shoes off. "Is Hiromasa here?"


    "Yeah." I shut the door. "Upstairs."


    She nodded and headed up the stairs. I followed her up to my room. Hiromasa was sitting on the rug in front of the TV, right where I left him.


    "Hey, Saki," Hiromasa said with a grin.


    "Here." She thrust the plastic bag at him.


    He took it and peered inside. A smile spread over his face. He pulled out a sports drink and a bag of chocolate panda cookies.


    "Thanks," he said.


    She rolled her eyes. "They aren''t for you, idiot. They''re for Kanna."


    "Oh." His face fell a little. "That''s really nice of you. I''m sure she''ll like them."


    "Oh, don''t pout." Saki put a hand on her hip. "I''m sure she''ll share with you if you ask nicely."


    He nodded with a smile and put the stuff back in the bag.


    "Did you actually buy those legally?" I asked.


    She looked back at me and glared. "I do buy things with money occasionally, you know?"


    I put my hands up. "My mistake."


    "How is she doing by the way?" Saki asked.


    "Pretty good." Hiromasa nodded. "She''s feeling a lot better and her fever has gone down."


    "Good," Saki said. "So what are you losers doing?" She sat down cross legged next to Hiromasa.


    "Same old. Same old," Hiromasa said. "Just hanging out and playing video games."


    I sat down next to Saki with my legs outstretched. "Plan on sticking around?"


    "Yeah, well, I figure I''ve got to do that stupid homework sometime, not that I mind messing around a little first."


    I smiled. "Glad to hear it."


    She leaned back on her hands. "You guys are just going to have to get used to having me around." She poked me in the chest. "And you better have plenty of strawberry deserts at the ready."


    "Of course." I chuckled.


    Saki hung around for the rest of the day and showed up for the next few days after that, which put me in a much better mood. That is, until Monday, when my mother informed me in her obligatory phone call that she would be returning home with my father in a few days. Fantastic.


    I suppose it shouldn''t have bothered me so much when they came home. It''s not like it really affected anything I did. I still stayed holed up my room, occasionally emerging to get food or bathe. The only difference was that two strangers I''d known my whole life roamed around quietly downstairs.


    It must have been quite unusual for Saki when she showed up and some middle aged woman with her hair pulled back into a perfect bun answered the front door. I didn''t hear her knock. I was leaning against the wall on my bed with earbuds jammed in my ears.


    "Kaito," Mother said, knocking softly on my door. "Higoshi is here to see you."


    She opened the door. Saki stepped inside and gave my mother a slight bow. My mother nodded and went back downstairs, leaving the door open. This gesture was simply for show. I''m almost positive I could''ve had sex with a girl downstairs on kitchen counter and neither of my parents would say a word. They would probably just get up quietly and leave the room, because doing otherwise would require them to do some form of active parenting. An act which I didn''t believe either of them was capable of anymore.


    Saki walked over and joined me on the bed, resting her arm on a bent knee. "Hey."


    "Hey." I took one of the earpieces out.


    "Where''s Hiromasa?" she asked.


    "He gets kind of scarce when my parents come home."


    "I can see why. Your mom is kind of...." She trailed off.


    I smiled. "Human statue like?"


    She chuckled. "Yeah, pretty much. Has she always been like that?"


    I shrugged. "Maybe she has. I can''t remember her ever being particularly nurturing or warm."


    Saki gave an exaggerated shiver. "Creepy. What are you listening to?"


    I handed her the earpiece I took out. She scooted closer, pressing her shoulder against mine, and put the earpiece in.


    "AKFG?" she asked after a few seconds.


    I nodded. "I''m surprised you know them. I would think you''d be into stuff that was a lot more hard core."


    She laughed. "Well, I do love my Abigail, but these guys are good too, for the days I don''t feel like putting my fist through a wall."


    "You have those days?" I grinned.


    She smiled, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back against the wall. "Rarely."


    I leaned my head back, too, and we both sat silently for a few minutes listening to music. It had been a while since we''d been alone together. I wonder if she felt me staring at her; studying the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the rate at which her chest rose and fell, or how she twitched her fingers subconsciously to the beat of the song. My own fingers rubbed the bed restlessly, longing to reach out and fold themselves around her hand, never to let go.


    "Kaito," Mother said from the hall.


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    "Yeah?" I answered.


    Saki opened her eyes and pulled her head forward as my mother stepped into the doorway.


    "Would your friend like to stay for dinner?" she asked.


    "I couldn''t impose like that," Saki said. "Besides, I''m sure my mom is expecting me back for dinner."


    "I suppose so," Mother said. "I can always call her if you like."


    Saki''s eyes got wide. "No. That''s fine. I''d love to stay, actually."


    She titled her head to the side. "You don''t need to call your parents?"


    "No. I totally forgot what day it was. I can stay today." Saki forced a smile.


    Mother nodded. "Great. I will come get you in a little while."


    It''s not such a rare occasion that my mother cooks. I suppose she feels she should since she''s here. The food isn''t even bad. In fact, home cooking is pretty refreshing after you''ve lived on instant food and convenience store meals for a while, but even so, I could never wait to get away from that table and back up to my room every time we had a family meal. The heavy, awkward atmosphere and the sound of nothing but chewing and utensils scraping against plates is enough to drive you insane. I usually wolfed down my food and practically sprinted from the table. There is only one thing I could imagine that would be worse than a family meal, and it was having a family meal with the hot tempered girl I wished I was dating.


    When my mother called us down, there were already steaming plates of curry waiting for us. My father was sitting at the head of the table. The neatness of his appearance rivaled my mother''s. It really blew my mind that those two could have a relationship at all, let alone go off on trips together. They must''ve been completely different people outside of the house.


    Saki and I took our seats next to each other. Curry was a pretty obvious choice, but a good one. It was your standard comfort food. I haven''t met a person yet who didn''t like curry in some form. My mother sat down across from me and we all said our thanks. An awkward silence followed, as expected. Saki picked up her spoon and ate deliberately slow.


    "I wasn''t sure how spicy you liked it," Mother said, finally ending the silence. "I kept it pretty mild."


    Well, at least she was trying.


    Saki shook her head. "No. It''s very good. I like it this way."


    That''s crap. Saki loves spicy things. Not that I was hoping for a struggle, but seeing her with a passive attitude was really odd.


    "Have you finished your summer assignments, Kaito?" Father asked.


    "Not yet," I answered.


    He scooped up some curry with his spoon. "Better to finish it all in the beginning."


    I shrugged. "I''ve still got lots of time left."


    "Procrastination will only get you into trouble later in life." He put the curry in his mouth.


    "How are you fairing on your assignments, Higoshi?" Mother asked.


    "About the same," she said. "We''ve kind of been doing it as a group."


    "Ah," Mother nodded. "Study groups are effective aren''t they? I used to do that a lot when I was in school. Who else is in your group?"


    "Hiromasa," I said.


    "What ever happened to Shiganori?" Father asked. "I haven''t seen him lately."


    I wasn''t really sure what to make of that statement. Did he mean he hadn''t seen him since he got back, or did he really think he was home more often than he was?


    "He''s busy at home." I scraped some curry into my rice and started folding it in.


    "Kaito, you mustn''t play with your food like that," Mother scolded.


    "I''m not playing with it. I like it like this," I said.


    "Nonsense," she said. "You probably just aren''t used to eating properly. All I found was instant noodles in the cupboard. I thought you said you were eating well."


    "I eat other things," I said.


    Sort of a lie. The other things I eat aren''t necessarily better for me.


    "That isn''t proper nutrition," Father said.


    Why the hell is it we couldn''t ever have a normal conversation? I could say the sky was blue and they''d probably find a way to throw it back to my own short comings. I balled my hand into a fist under the table. The heat rising in me caught me by surprise. Was I actually getting mad? It felt terrible and wonderful all at the same time. I needed to change the subject, though. It wouldn''t do me any good to yell, and if I started, there was no telling when I''d stop.


    "So, where are you going on your next trip?" I asked.


    "Probably somewhere in Fukuoka to start," Mother said. "We were lucky, and should be fairly close to each other this time."


    "Speaking of careers," Father said. "Have you chosen a career path yet?"


    "Not really," I said.


    My father made a sound of disapproval and shook his head. "It''s never too early to consider the future."


    Saki brought her fist down on the table so hard it made the plates rattle. "What is wrong with the both of you?"


    "Excus..." My mother started.


    "He hardly ever sees you," Saki cut her off. "And when he does, all you ever do is berate him." She shot up, forcing the chair back. "Can''t you say anything kind to him at all?"


    Her outrage was met with blank stares and silence. Saki clicked her tongue and ran from the room. A few seconds later, the front door slammed shut. I got up and chased after her. My mother called after me, but I didn''t stop.


    I ran out the front gate and glanced both ways. Saki was barreling down the sidewalk to my left. I took off after her. The pavement stung every time I brought my bare feet down on it. She made it a few blocks before I finally caught up to her.


    "Saki," I called out to her.


    She slowed to a stop and I circled around her. I put my hand on her shoulder, afraid she''d take off again at any moment.


    "Wait," I panted. "Don''t run off like that."


    She was breathing hard too, but not nearly as hard as I was. "How can you stand it like that?"


    "That''s the way it always is," I let go of her shoulder. "It doesn''t matter. They''ll be gone in about a week anyway."


    "That makes it even worse." She squeezed her hands into fists and walked around the sidewalk in an aggravated circle. "Why can''t they just be nice to you?"


    I smiled. "Yeah, well, they suck, but that''s no reason for you to get upset."


    "Of course I''d get upset, idiot." She punched my shoulder. "If you''re not going to get pissed off about it, then someone has to."


    I rubbed my shoulder and grinned. "Thanks." I paused. "I was upset by the way."


    "You were?" she asked.


    I nodded. "Of course. It just never occurred to me to punch a table."


    Saki laughed and squeezed both my shoulders. "I''m so glad."


    "Is that really a good thing?"


    She nodded eagerly. "Of course it is." She let out a deep breath and dropped her head. "I knew I could dig you out of yourself if I tried." There was a pause. "Why aren''t you wearing any shoes?"


    I scrunched up my feet and chuckled. "Yeah, I kind of ran after you in a hurry." I rubbed the back of my head and grinned.


    She shook her head and laughed. "Idiot." She let go of my shoulders. "I doubt your parents are going to want to see me much, huh?"


    "Probably not."


    "Guess I sort of screwed myself there," she said.


    "That cell phone is looking pretty good right now, huh?"


    "Piss off." She shoved me. "I guess we''ll have to put this homework club thing on pause for a while."


    "So, you''re still going to hang around with us?" I asked.


    "Why?" she asked. "Getting sick of me?"


    "Never."


    She grinned and leaned closer. "Afraid of losing me, then?"


    I smiled. "Terrified."


    "When do your parents leave?"


    "Next Sunday."


    She nodded. "Next Sunday it is."


    I watched her go and then slowly made my way back to the house. I already knew it was going to be a really long week and a half. I opened the front door and wiped my feet the best I could on the mat before starting up the stairs.


    "Kaito," Mother said, walking into the hall. "Your Father and I have talked it over and we don''t want you seeing that girl anymore."


    I started laughing. I couldn''t help myself. What a pointless thing to say.


    "How do you plan to stop me?" I stared at her, waiting for a response, but she just stood there, stunned.


    I continued up the stairs. "Let me know if you think of something."


    I went back to my room and lay down on my bed with my eyes closed. That last comment was rude and petty. I shouldn''t have said that to her, but it irritated me. What right did they have to try and run my life now? I¡¯d never argued with them before because I never really had a reason to. I wondered what they''d do. I couldn''t really imagine either of them yelling. Wouldn''t that be a sight to see? I pulled out my phone and stared at the date.


    "Come on next Sunday," I muttered.

 Chapter 12- Liquid Amber

    There wasn''t much more talk about Saki around the house, or much talk in general really, not that I expected there to be. They chose to ignore the matter, probably because they had no means of controlling it, which suited me just fine. I was actually pretty excited the day they left because it meant I could start seeing Saki again.


    When they left it went like every other time before that. No long, sad parting words. No show of affection. Not even an, "I''ll miss you." I told them to be safe on their trip and they told me to take care of myself, and that was that. I''d be lying if I said I hoped, or even cared if it went differently. Saki had done what she could to stir the emotions inside of me. For the most part, I would call this a success, but there were emotions towards my family that hadn''t even been touched. As I watched their car pull out of the driveway, I didn''t feel a single bit of sadness. Maybe I wasn''t numb at all. Maybe part of me was just dead.


    Saki and Hiromasa started showing up again, and things more or less went back to normal. We hung out almost every day, usually doing nothing but playing games or finishing up our summer work. A couple of times a week, Saki would lead us to another reckless or destructive activity, but nothing new, no place we hadn''t gone before. Not until that last weekend before school started again, when I found myself outside a traditional looking house in a fairly nice neighborhood in the dead of night with my heart pounding so hard in my ears I thought I might go deaf.


    "I''m sorry," I said. "Could you repeat that? Did you say ''we''re going in''?"


    Saki''s lips spread into a smile. "You got it."


    Hiromasa shut his eyes and jerked his head left to right frantically. "No. No. No. No. Absolutely not. No way. No. No. No."


    Saki rolled her eyes and started up the stone steps leading to the house. "How out of character for you to refuse, Hiromasa."


    "What are you going to do once you''re inside?" I asked.


    "A game, of course," Saki replied without turning around.


    A game? What game? The "let''s see how much stuff we can steal from this house before the cops show up and haul us all to jail" game?


    "Saki..." I started, unsure of what to say to her.


    This was the first time I was considering not going along with one of her crazy plans.


    She stopped with a groan and tilted her head back. "Would you two stop being such babies if I told you it was my father''s house?"


    "So, you live here?" I asked.


    "No," she said. "But my father does."


    I was elated that I finally grasped some of Saki''s situation. It wasn''t much, but it was something. If she didn''t live here, but her father did, then her parents must have been divorced and Saki must live somewhere else with her mother. It was on the hopeful discovery of more information that I made one of my stupidest decisions to date.


    "Hiromasa," I turned to face him. "You should go home. Seriously this time." I walked up the stairs towards Saki, leaving him behind.


    She grinned and continued up the stairs. We circled around the house to the back door. Saki placed her hand on the door knob.


    "Ready?" she asked.


    "Wait," Hiromasa said, running up to us.


    I sighed. "You should really go home. I''m not joking."


    He marched up to me and stared me in the eyes. "And let you get ahead?" His voice was low. "I don''t think so."


    "Are you serious right now?" I asked quietly. "This isn''t even about that."


    Saki laughed and stuck her hand into Hiromasa''s hair. "I didn''t even have to harass you that much this time." She gave his head a shake.


    Hiromasa pulled away and smoothed his hair.


    She smirked and turned back toward the door. "And now..." She grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open, letting it swing in slowly, exposing the pitch black hallway.


    She stepped inside and disappeared into the darkness. I took a deep breath and ventured in after her. I didn''t go very far, for fear of bumping into something. I couldn''t see a thing, not even Hiromasa, but I heard his footsteps behind me, as well as his whimpering.


    The door slammed shut causing me to jump and Hiromasa to scream. A moment later, the lights flicked on. I squinted at the sudden change. Saki was standing next to the door laughing hard, her fingers on the light switch. As I''d guessed, we were standing in the hallway. The dark wooden floors branched off into two other rooms to our right, a bathroom, and what I guessed was a laundry room.


    Saki took an immediate left. Hiromasa and I followed, which led us to a very clean and white looking kitchen. The stove and fridge were stainless steel and looked to be top of the range. I''m not sure what her father did for a living, but he seemed to be making a lot of money doing it. Saki opened up one of the cabinets and started digging through it.


    "Jackpot," she said, pulling out a short, thick bottle, filled almost to the top with brown liquid.


    Well, at least she finally had a bottle with a label I could read. Whisky. Something told me Hiromasa and I weren''t going to get out of this one with a simple refusal either. Saki set the whisky down and rummaged through another cabinet. She pulled out three glasses, holding them by the rims. She definitely knew her way around. This obviously wasn''t her first time here, and not her first time stealing booze from her father''s house either.


    "Where is your father by the way?" I asked.


    "On his yearly summer trip with his slut of a wife." She shut the cabinet doors and held the glasses out to me. "Carry these."


    I took the glasses from her. Hiromasa, who had been unusually quiet, was gnawing away at his fingers.


    "Stop that," I said. "You''re going to make them bleed."


    Hiromasa pulled his hands away from his mouth and clasped them behind his back. Saki led us out of the kitchen and flicked on the lights of a large sitting room. More of the traditional look, right down to the shoji doors and tatami mat floors. Saki took the glasses from me and placed them on the short wooden table in the center of the room. She intentionally spaced them out so we would all be sitting on different sides. I wondered if that was some subtle hint at my closeness level, and then thought better of it. Saki does not do subtle.


    She set the bottle of whisky down in the center of the table and her lips crept into a smile. "We''re going to play a drinking game."


    Hiromasa whimpered. That was probably the correct response. My drinking experience had been few and far between and they all included Saki goading me into it. It was pretty clear who the winner was going to be.


    "What sort of drinking game?" I asked.


    Saki sat on the cushion at the head of the table. "This one actually took a little thought. At first, I was going to have us play king''s game, but that''s not so much fun with only three people."


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    "What''s king''s game?" Hiromasa asked.


    "A game where you draw lots to elect a king." Saki took the top off the bottle and put a few splashes of whisky in everyone''s glass. "Everyone else gets assigned a random number. Then the king tells the numbers what to do, unaware of who has what number, but it''s no fun without at least four because you always know who the numbers are."


    "So, what''s your alternative?" I asked, sitting at the table opposite Saki, deciding to give her a little space tonight, just in case.


    "It''s more like truth or dare with a drinking component. We start with one person and move clockwise." She moved her finger in a clockwise circle. "The person next to you choses truth or dare and you ask your question or give the dare, but..." She tapped the glass with her nail. "You can choose to decline and take a drink. After it gets back to the first player, the direction goes counterclockwise. Repeats of past dares or questions are against the rules."


    "Hardly seems fair," I said. "You could outdrink either of us."


    She smirked. "That''s why there''s a limit. We pick a time and a set number of drinks for the game."


    "I see." I pulled out my cellphone. "What''s your time limit then?"


    "Hm." Saki tapped her chin. "Let''s say thirty minutes and three drinks." She held up three fingers.


    "That isn''t very many outs," Hiromasa said, and finally took his seat to the left of Saki.


    Saki smirked. "Well, that''s not the fun part of the game. So, who wants to start?"


    "Why don''t you go first?" I suggested. "You thought of it."


    I entered the time limit into my phone and started the timer. "Go." I set the phone near the whisky in the center.


    Saki turned to Hiromasa. "Truth or dare?"


    "Dare," he said.


    She thought for a moment. "I dare you to go upstairs and put on a dress you find in the closet."


    Hiromasa''s eyes went wide. "I''m not doing that."


    "Take a drink then," she said.


    He picked up his glass and hesitated.


    "Sometime tonight." Saki pushed the glass towards his face.


    He gulped down the liquid and scrunched up his face in disgust. Saki poured a little more into his glass after he set it down.


    "Your turn," she said.


    "Truth or dare?" he asked me.


    "Truth," I answered.


    "What the hell don''t I know about you?" he mumbled. "What''s your favorite food?"


    I laughed. "Tonkatsu, but you knew that, right?"


    "You suck," Saki said, glaring at Hiromasa.


    Hiromasa shrugged. "I couldn''t think of anything."


    "Truth or dare?" I asked.


    She smiled. "Dare."


    "Alright." I smirked. "I dare you to not eat strawberries for a year."


    I watched the smile vanish from her face and her eyes fill with panic as she realized the night was not going to go as she''d planned. The obvious and tempting thing to do was force people to do embarrassing things, but I had an entirely different goal. I had been waiting patiently for months to learn anything new about her, but this hadn''t gotten me anywhere. I wasn''t going to corner her and demand all the answers, just nudge her a little bit. If I could graze the surface, maybe I could finally make some progress.


    I would choose truth every time. There was no point on wasting my time on dares, and I wasn''t concealing anything. There wasn''t a question I could think of that I would have a problem answering either. Every time Saki chose dare, I would have to pick something that gave a long term consequence. I doubted I could make her blush, but I could certainly think of things she wouldn''t do. She would have no choice but to choose truth, and because of the drink limit, answer the questions. She couldn''t have chosen a better game for me.


    Saki regained her cool composure, took her drink, and then poured more in. "Truth or dare?"


    "Truth," I said.


    "How many girlfriends have you had?" she asked.


    "Four. Possibly five."


    "What does that mean?" Saki asked.


    I shrugged. "Not sure if one of them counted."


    "Why not?" she asked.


    I grinned. "Sorry. No freebees. You''ll have to wait another round."


    She glared at me. "Fine."


    "Hiromasa?" I glanced at him.


    "Truth," he said.


    "Is that payback?" I glanced up at the ceiling, as if it held some sort of secret question. I smiled. "Did you actually go commando the other night at the pool on your way home?"


    His face turned red instantly.


    "Yes," he muttered, looking down.


    Saki and I laughed.


    "Truth or dare?" he asked without looking up.


    "Dare," she said.


    He thought for a moment. "I dare you to climb up on the table and sing Kagome Kagome."


    Saki grinned and climbed up on the table, then immediately started belting out that weird children''s song about birds in baskets and turtles slipping, all the while twirling around like a ballerina. At the end, she took a bow. Hiromasa and I laughed and applauded.


    "Truth or dare, Hiromasa?" she asked after sitting down.


    "Dare," he said.


    She smiled. "I dare you to run down the street naked."


    "I''m obviously not doing that." He sighed. "Why are yours always so sadistic?"


    "Did you expect anything else?" I asked. "Why would you pick dare from her?"


    "At least he''s playing," Saki sneered. "You haven''t picked dare once."


    I shrugged. "I''m a boring guy."


    Saki rolled her eyes and turned her gaze back to Hiromasa. "If you aren''t going to do it, you have to drink again."


    Hiromasa sighed, squeezed his eyes shut and took the shot. He grimaced as he set the glass down. "Your turn."


    "Truth," I said, and leaned back on my hands.


    "Seriously?" he groaned. "Why do you only pick truth?"


    "Is that your actual question?" I asked.


    "I guess." He shrugged. "I can''t think of anything else to ask you."


    "Because I can''t be bothered to humiliate myself. It seems much easier to answer questions."


    "Easier and boring," Saki said.


    I grinned. "Oh, really? I''m not bored at all. Truth or dare?"


    "Truth," she grumbled.


    "Does your father know you break in here to steal booze?" I asked.


    She drummed her fingers on the table. "No. I haven''t spoken to him in nearly four years."


    "You haven''t spoken to your own father in four years?" Hiromasa shook his head. "That''s a long time."


    "Why?" I asked.


    She smirked. "No freebees."


    I chuckled. "I guess I deserve that one."


    "Truth, I suppose?" Saki asked.


    I nodded. "Yep."


    "Why don''t you think one of your relationships counted?" she asked.


    "Because I don''t think she ever cared about me, ever thought she did, or even wanted to. I was just a way to pass the time."


    For a second, I saw real sadness on Saki''s face, something beyond pity, true empathy. As if she knew exactly what it meant to get tossed away by someone you thought cared about you, but then, of course she did. We were sitting in her father''s house. A father she hadn''t spoken to in almost four years. And then, just as quickly as the look appeared, it vanished.


    "Your pick, Hiromasa," I said.


    "Dare," he said.


    "I dare you to pick dare again when Saki asks." I grinned.


    "What the hell?" He rose out of his seat and leaned over the table towards me. "I thought we were friends. You''re the one who told me to stop picking dare from her in the first place."


    Saki started laughing.


    "Sorry," I said and laughed a little. "I couldn''t think of a better one."


    He sighed and sat back in his seat. "Saki?"


    "Dare," she said again.


    "I dare you to punch Kaito in the arm."


    She grinned and cracked her fingers. "With pleasure."


    "Revenge, huh?" I asked.


    He nodded with a grin.


    "Well played." I tipped my drink at him.


    Saki crawled around the table and socked me in the shoulder.


    I grunted. "You could have held back a little, you know?"


    "I did," she said, returning to her spot across the table.


    "Maybe you should consider a career as boxer." I rubbed my arm.


    "Dare, Hiromasa?" Saki asked.


    "I guess I don''t have a choice." He glared at me.


    I shrugged. "You could have taken a drink."


    "And waste my last one? Yeah, right. Besides, I''m going to show you. Whatever it is this time, I''ll do it."


    Saki smiled mischievously.


    "Probably," Hiromasa said. "I''ll probably do it."


    "I dare you to drink as much as I pour in your glass all at once."


    Hiromasa swallowed hard and nodded. Saki''s smile got wider and she began to pour the amber liquid into his glass. His eyes got wider and wider as she kept pouring, eventually stopping when the glass was about half full.


    She gestured at the glass. "Go ahead, or do you intend to chicken out?"


    Hiromasa glared at her and snatched the glass off the table. He took gulp after gulp until he drained the whole glass, then slammed it back on table.


    Saki giggled. "I''m impressed."


    Hiromasa grinned at her in his usual cheesy manner, and then turned to me. "Well?"


    "Truth."


    Hiromasa sighed and started taping the table. An entirely different kind of grin spread across his lips. "Are you in love with anyone?"


    I could answer every question except that one. That bastard. When did he suddenly become so sadistic? Wasn''t Saki enough? I picked up my glass and took my first drink of the evening. Heat bloomed in my chest almost immediately. Turns out, I wasn''t a fan of whisky either. Saki leaned over the table and locked eyes with me as she refilled my glass, her lips turned up at the sides. Crap.


    "Truth," she said, after sitting back, not even waiting for me to ask the question.


    "Why did your father leave?" I asked.


    Saki rubbed her finger along the rim of her glass, keeping her eyes cast downward. "He couldn''t deal with my mother''s emotional outbursts."


    I nodded. "You know what I''m going to pick."


    "Were you in love with Izumo?" she asked. "That is the one you don''t think counted, right? You''ve talked about her before."


    "I guess I''ll give you that one since you guessed correctly. She is the one I don''t think counted, but no, I didn''t love her. At the time I thought I did, but I''ve come to realize it was just infatuation."


    Saki nodded silently.


    "No more dares for me," Hiromasa said. "Truth."


    "Where did you put your boxers after you took them off?" I asked, after considering it for a minute.


    He chuckled. "Under some trees nearby."


    Saki and I both exploded with laughter.


    "Some poor kid is going to find those on their trip to the pool," Saki said, which sent us all into a long lasting laughing fit again.


    "Truth or dare?" Hiromasa asked, still laughing a little.


    "Dare," Saki said.


    "I dare you to kiss me." Hiromasa glanced over at me and smiled.

 Chapter 13- Glittering Shards

    Kiss him? I don''t know what pissed me off more, the fact that he asked, or the fact that it was such a good play. I might have clapped, had I not wanted to reach over and punch him. What was with this guy? Get a few drinks in him, and suddenly he got all bold. I focused all of my mental strength into silently willing her to take a drink. No such luck.


    She smiled and scooted closer to him. I really didn''t want to watch, but I couldn''t look away either. I was transfixed. He closed his eyes and blushed as she leaned in. Her lips went straight to his forehead. His eyes shot open. She kissed him like you would a cute animal or a small child, then giggled and went back to her cushion. I was so happy I nearly sprang from the table cheering.


    "That''s cheating," he protested.


    Saki shook her head. "You weren''t specific enough."


    "Serves you right," I said.


    He folded his arms and grumbled under his breath.


    "So?" she asked.


    "Truth," he mumbled.


    "Did you feel dirty on the train ride home?" Saki grinned and poked his arm. "Were you thinking everyone would figure out your secret?" She poked him again.


    He sighed. "What is this obsession with my boxers all about?"


    "Now, now," Saki said. "It''s not your turn to ask questions."


    He turned his head away from her. "I walked very carefully and kept my legs clamped shut on the train."


    She clapped and giggled. Hiromasa sighed again and looked over at me.


    "Guess," I said.


    He smiled. "Who are you in love with now?"


    I gritted my teeth. When the hell had this become a tag team? I took my second shot. It was just as terrible as the first one.


    "Ask your stupid question," Saki said, pouring whisky into my glass.


    "Why does your mother have these emotional outbursts?" I asked.


    Saki didn''t hesitate before taking a shot this time. Too far, then? That was alright. I didn''t actually expect her to answer that question. I just wanted to test the boundaries a little.


    "Still going with truth?" she asked.


    I nodded.


    "What''s your type?"


    Trying to work it out by process of elimination now? What could I say? I couldn''t exactly go, "I like women with straight long hair and attitude problems," now could I? I took my final drink.


    Saki grinned. "You''re screwed next time."


    She was absolutely right. How the hell had I become the first one to use up all my outs? I had a decent plan in the beginning.


    "Truth or dare?" I asked Hiromasa.


    "Dare." He said and sighed. "I can''t handle any more questions about my boxers."


    "I dare you to take another shot," I said.


    "What kind of dare is that?" He gestured at his glass. "I could take a pass and it would still be the same thing."


    "Should be an easy one then," I said.


    He sighed and took his drink.


    "I''m assuming you didn''t pass." Saki poured some more in his glass.


    "Nope. I''m still doing better than this guy." He jerked his thumb at me. "Truth or dare?"


    "Dare," she said.


    "I dare you too-" His sentence stopped short as he clasped his hand over his mouth and lurched forward.


    "You ok?" I asked.


    He sprang from the table and ran out of the room. The sound of his footsteps raced down the hall.


    "Guess I overdid it." Saki got up from the table and went out into the hall.


    I followed her out and found her in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. She went over to the bathroom door and set the bottle of water next to it. It sounded like he was puking his guts out on the other side.


    "Hiromasa." Saki knocked on the door. "I left you some water by the door. When you''re ready, make sure you drink some, slowly."


    No response, just more vomiting sounds.


    "I wonder if he heard me," Saki said, more to herself than to me. She started walking back towards the sitting room, turning back to me when I didn''t follow. "Don''t hover. He''s embarrassed enough to be sick. Leave him be for a while."


    "You know, you''re surprisingly in tune with other people''s feelings. For being a monster, I mean." I returned to the sitting room with her and we sat in our original spots.


    She placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin on folded hands, smiling at me like a lion might smile when it corners prey. "You''re about to find out how much of a monster I can be. Because it''s just you and me now, and you don''t have any outs left."


    I swallowed hard. "We''re still playing, then?"


    "Of course," she said. "And unless you have any objections, we can both just start asking questions, or would you like to finally have some dares?"


    Whatever questions she had for me would be nowhere nearly as painful as whatever her dares might be. She went easy on Hiromasa, that look in her eyes said she wasn''t going to be nearly as gentle with me.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    I shook my head. "Questions are fine."


    "Good." Saki spread her arms. "I''m so nice I''ll even let you go first."


    "Why did you try and kill yourself?" I asked, bluntly.


    She glared at me and took her final shot. Good. That was my goal. Now we would play this on equal footing.


    "What did you like so much about Izumo?" she asked.


    I smiled knowingly and nodded. I knew this question was coming. "At the time, I thought it was everything, but I''ve come to understand that it was really only one thing. She chose me. In a sea of people, she picked me, and it felt so good to finally be wanted by someone. It was my first relationship and I was slow to realize that she was just playing around. By the time I did, she was just about through with me."


    Saki opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Her eyes drifted to the side and she was quiet for a moment.


    "Ask," she said.


    "Does your father ever try and contact you?"


    She turned her eyes back to me and stared at me intently. I couldn''t read the look, but it made my heart race all the same. I don''t think I''d ever seen her look so focused before.


    The alarm on my phone sounded. I hung my head. Beaten by the timer, and just when I was starting to get somewhere.


    "In the beginning he did," she said.


    My head snapped up. Was she actually giving me the answer? No strings attached? I reached over and turned the timer off.


    "He tried calling," she continued, softly. Her gaze was directed at the wall again. "Even stopping by, but I would never answer him, never go to the door. He even tried sending various gifts; clothes, jewelry, and money. I destroyed it all." Her hands tensed themselves into fists and her words became harder. "I''ll never forget the day he finally gave up. He had this huge white teddy bear delivered to the apartment. That thing must have been half as big as I was. I dragged that piece of shit bear all the way to this house and threw crap at his front window until he drew back the shades. Then I doused that stupid thing in lighter fluid and lit it on fire." She leaned her head back and smiled at the ceiling. "God. I''ll never forget that look on his face while he watched that thing burning beside me in his front yard. He was so defeated, so utterly broken."


    "Saki, that''s..."


    "Don''t you dare tell me he didn''t deserve it!" Her head snapped forward, her eyes blazing. She slapped her hands on the table and leaned forward. "You know that stupid fuck still pays for our apartment?" Her voice rose as she spoke, until she was screaming the words. "As if that makes up for anything he did. As if that makes it alright that he bailed on his family when they needed him most." She grabbed her glass, stood up, and thrust it at the wall. It burst into sharp glittering shards. "I''d burn that stupid place to ground too." She grabbed Hiromasa''s glass and threw it at the wall. "I''d burn it all." She circled the table, grabbed my glass and threw it with a scream. Then she slumped to the floor with her back facing me, breathing heavily.


    What should I do? What could I do? How much I wanted to magically lift all that anger from her, to push it into myself, freeing her from pain, but life doesn''t work that way, so I sat silently, wishing I had the courage to reach over and hold her.


    I realized I had misunderstood earlier when she told me I was about to find out how much of a monster she was. I thought she was going to force me into a corner and ask me questions I didn''t want to answer, but I think what she really meant was that the questions I asked her were going to leave her exposed. I had seen her mad before, but that was nothing like this. This was fury, a product of all that hurt, abandonment, and loneliness, all balled up and compressed. With no other means to expel these emotions, she went berserk.


    "You should take Hiromasa and go," she said, refusing to look at me.


    As if I''d just leave. I went to the kitchen and grabbed more glasses out of the cupboard, as many as I could carry without breaking them, then returned to the room and started setting them on the table. She turned her head and watched me silently for a moment.


    "What are you doing?" she asked, finally.


    I sat back down. "I noticed you were out of glasses to smash."


    She stared at me blankly, then her lips crept into a smile and she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard it made me laugh too. We were still laughing like idiots when Hiromasa stepped back into the room.


    "I''m glad you''re both still alive." Both his arms were wrapped around his stomach. "I heard some yelling and some stuff breaking, but I was too busy trying not to puke out my own insides to come check."


    "How are you feeling?" I asked.


    "Pretty confident in the fact that I''ll never be an alcoholic." He smiled weakly. "What''s with all the glasses? Are we playing another game?" His body lurched and he turned his head away. "I''m sitting this one out."


    "No. No more games." Saki stood up and started to gather the glasses. "I think I''ve done enough damage in here for the night."


    I helped her carry them back to the kitchen and put them all back in place. We returned to the room with a broom and dustpan. I''d like to think we got it all, but I can''t say I really cared if her bastard of a father stepped on a piece of glass.


    Saki begrudgingly left the bottle of whiskey behind so we could take the train. We decided it was best Hiromasa didn''t return home in the state he was in, so he sent his mom text to let her know he was spending the night. Hopefully, she would see it in the morning before she went into a frantic craze when he wasn''t there. When we finally arrived back at my house, I sent Hiromasa upstairs with a bottle of water to lie down. Saki decided to wait for me outside. She was staring at the sky when I came out to join her.


    "Well, he''s set." I shut the door behind me and started up at the stars, trying to figure out what she was looking at.


    "Make sure he drinks a lot," Saki said, still gazing up. "He''s probably going to crash, though."


    "You could come in, you know?"


    She looked over at me and smiled. "I don''t think you need a girl crashing your slumber party twice."


    I laughed. "You must be crazy. That was the best sleepover I ever had."


    She gasped sarcastically. "Hiromasa will be so hurt."


    "It''s a serious offer," I said.


    She shook her head and stared at the ground. "I should be getting home anyway." She went quiet and started pawing at the pavement with her shoe. "Thanks for not running away."


    "I would never do that."


    She looked up and smiled weakly.


    Didn''t believe me? That was alright. I had plenty of time to prove her wrong.


    "Anyway, take care of Hiromasa." She waved and walked away abruptly.


    "Goodnight," I said.


    She soon vanished from sight and I went back inside, up to my room. Hiromasa was already curled up on my bed, but it looked as though he had at least drunk most of the water. I went to the hall closet and got a futon, then unrolled it next to my bed.


    "Is Saki gone?" Hiromasa asked, as I lay down.


    "I thought you were asleep," I said. "Yeah, she''s gone."


    "What happened to the glasses, anyway?" His eyes were still shut.


    I folded my hands behind my head. "We got carried away with the game."


    "I''m sorry I tried to get her to kiss me."


    I laughed. "Don''t be. It was a good idea. I wish I''d thought of it first."


    He smiled. "It didn''t work though."


    "No, but it surprised me. You''re more competition than I gave you credit for."


    That cheesy grin looked a lot cheesier with his eyes shut. "Thanks."


    He went quiet after that and his breathing started to slow. I shut my eyes, but I wasn''t the least bit tired. My head was swimming.


    Saki''s whole story still wasn''t available to me. I wasn''t sure if it ever would be, but I was leaps and bounds ahead of where I had been. I really wished she hadn''t vanished that night we''d met. If we''d stayed close, maybe I wouldn''t have had to become numb, and she wouldn''t have become enraged, but there was no point wasting time on what could have been. I needed to come up with a plan that would help her now.


    She needed escape and a way to channel all of that anger of hers before it built up any more than it already had.


    I didn''t mind her breaking or burning anything she wanted, but that wasn''t a permanent or healthy solution. Eventually, she was going to destroy something that had real consequences. I wish I could convince her that she could vent as much as she needed to with me, and that nothing she ever did or said would scare me away. Not that I was qualified to be a therapist. I wasn''t exactly the picture of mental health, but I could at least listen.


    I knew she wouldn''t do this though. She was far too accustomed to bottling things up until the point of explosion, and past experience had taught her that people who cared about you were not a safe bet to rely on. In time, I hoped to convince her differently, but for now I needed a more immediate solution.


    If your whole world was made up of an absent father and a mentally unstable mother, then what do you need? Stability. You needed to know that even though your home life could shift at any moment, the world outside of there wasn''t going to fall out from under you. How could I give her that? Hiromasa and I were a good start, but not enough. It might take some time, but I was going to think of something. I was going to save her.

 Chapter 14- Irresistibly Close

    School started again, which usually made me irritable because it meant I had to focus my energy in pretending to give a crap. But this time I was actually looking forward to a sure fire way to see Saki every day, or at least I thought it was going to be a sure fire way, until I turned up to the first day of the second semester, and she didn''t even bother to come in at all. Great. She was pulling her disappearing act again.


    Aside from the first few days she''d missed in the spring, she had been pretty good about going the rest of the semester. Maybe her problem was returning after breaks. Hiromasa had to go help his mom, so I was left to go home by myself, annoyed and grumpy.


    "Yo," Saki said, giving me a wave as I opened the door to my room.


    She was laying belly down on the rug, kicking her legs in the air lazily, surrounded by various manga titles. A box of sweet corn flavored snack sticks sat to the left of her. She pulled one out and nibbled on it as she flipped the page to the manga she was currently reading.


    I suppose it should have surprised me that she was there, but it didn''t really. Maybe I was getting used to her random behavior, whatever that meant. I wanted to be mad that she''d ditched class, but I was too happy to see her to hold any real grudge.


    I set my bag down by the door and sat near her on the rug, leaning my back against the bed. "Why did you wear your school uniform if you knew you weren''t going to go to school?"


    She shrugged without taking her eyes from the page. "I thought I was going to go, and then decided this sounded like a lot more fun."


    I sighed. "Are you going to go tomorrow?"


    "Yes, Mother," she sneered.


    "How did you get in here, anyway?" I asked. "I know I locked the door."


    "There''s a tree in your front yard that lets you climb right up onto that small piece of roof that''s directly below your window." She flipped the page, acting like it was the most natural thing in the world to have said.


    "So, you broke into my house in broad daylight right in the front yard?"


    "Relax. No one was around." She held up the box of snack sticks. "Want one?" She shook it.


    I sighed again and took one. "Thanks."


    "No Hiromasa today?" She put the box down and took out another stick for herself.


    "No. He had to help his mom, so he won''t be over today." I munched on my salty snack.


    "I see." She snapped a piece of the corn snack off with her teeth.


    After a few moments of silence, she shut the book and looked up at me without saying a word.


    It is no odd thing for me to stare at her. I did that every day I saw her, but for her to stare wordlessly back at me, and so intently, was something entirely different.


    She pulled herself to a sitting position and scooted closer to me. She still hadn''t said anything, but she hadn''t broken her gaze with me either. Her eyes flittered all around, like she was trying to read something about me, then she brought her face closer. It''d been a while since she''d been this close and it made my heart pound. I did what I normally did when she got irresistibly close, stayed perfectly still, because if I moved, I might do something stupid. She pressed her lips into mine. The kiss was a lot gentler than I''d expected from someone like her, and she pulled away quickly. It was much too short for my liking.


    "What was that for?" I whispered.


    She smiled. "Bored and curious."


    That was so cruel, and she didn''t even know why.


    "But," she continued. "If you''re not interested, don''t worry about it."


    Like hell.


    I cupped the side of her face and started kissing her over and over. It started out slow and cautious, but very quickly became something faster, deeper, hungrier.


    She buried her hand in my hair at the back of my head and I pressed into her, guiding her to the floor. I leaned over her between her legs, still kissing her, not just her mouth anymore, I''d moved on to her neck and throat as well. This was going entirely too fast, but I couldn''t bring myself to slow down because all I wanted was to feel closer to her, even if this was only one of her games.


    I worked my hand up her shirt and let my fingers explore all over her soft skin. She arched up into me so I could reach around and unhook her bra. She moaned softly when I brought my hand back around. It was quiet, but enough to excite me even more. If I ran my hand up her skirt, I wondered if I could get her to make some real noise.


    Not as though a part exists that I don''t like about being with a woman, but if I had to choose my favorite, aside from the blatantly obvious, it would be the noises they make. I especially love hearing my name. I''m not sure if that makes me a little bit egotistical or not, but I just love feeling wanted.


    She moved her hands down to my belt.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    I heard Hiromasa from the stairs before he even got to the door. "You aren''t answering my texts."


    Saki and I both froze.


    "My mom doesn''t need me anymore." The door creaked open. "I thought...Sorry!" The door slammed shut.


    He yelled some more apologizes while he ran down the stairs and out the front door.


    I looked back at Saki. Her eyes weren''t the same and she felt tense underneath me. Whatever had possessed her before was long gone now.


    I sat up and leaned back against the bed. "Let me guess, curiosity satisfied?"


    "Something like that," she said, clipping her bra back together. "It''s better this way. You and me is a bad idea. I''m not sure what I was thinking."


    Translation: Something like this was never going to happen again.


    "Do you get off on being a tease?" I spat.


    "Piss off." She stood up and straightened herself.


    I clicked my tongue and turned my head away from her. She didn''t say anything else before exiting the room, leaving me all alone, unsatisfied and on edge.


    I punched the floor. It wasn''t just one thing. The whole situation pissed me off. I was mad at Hiromasa for walking in. I was mad at her for leading me on. I was especially mad at myself for letting her drag me in so deeply, when I knew it was just a way to pass the time for her.


    I let out a long breath and lay my head back on the bed. I shouldn''t have said those things to her. What happened to not doing anything stupid?


    Hiromasa sent me a few more texts later saying how sorry he was, but I didn''t answer them. I decided to let him stew for a while. I was still upset, and I couldn''t really figure him out either. If I walked in on a girl I liked with another guy, I think I''d feel sorrier for myself than I would for him.


    I got up early the next morning and made my way to school. I wouldn''t say I was in the best of moods, but I was certainly feeling better than before. I still hadn''t answered Hiromasa''s texts, deciding instead to do my apologizing at school, since I had a couple to hand out.


    I shut the door to my shoe locker, only to find Hiromasa suddenly standing there.


    I jumped. "God." I let out a long breath. "What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"


    "You didn''t answer me all night." He looked genuinely worried.


    "Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Sorry about that. I thought I''d just apologize today. I was a little bit pissed off last night, so I didn''t answer you."


    "No." He looked down. "I''m sorry I barged in like that. I didn''t even think about it."


    I chuckled. "We''ve been walking in and out of each other''s houses and rooms unannounced for years. Of course you wouldn''t think about it."


    "I guess." He still sounded unconvinced.


    I slipped on my school shoes and we began our walk to class. Hiromasa didn''t speak again until we were nearly to class.


    "So, are you..." He stopped and looked off to the side, fidgeting with his fingers. "I mean did you..." He sighed.


    I turned and smiled at him. "Relax. Nothing happened. Well, nothing beyond what you saw anyway."


    "Really?" His face was practically glowing.


    I grumbled. "Could you try and look a little less happy at my misery, please?" I started walking again.


    "Oh, right. Sorry." He caught up to me, still smiling.


    I made a sound of disgust and shook my head.


    "Hey, wait." The smile fell from his face and he looked confused. "So, you aren''t dating?"


    I shook my head. "I keep telling you. She''s not into relationships. She thinks it''s a waste of time."


    He smacked my arm. "That''s mean. You shouldn''t take advantage of her like that."


    "Ow." I grabbed my arm. "What the hell? Why do you assume it was me? She started that whole thing, you know?"


    He looked sideways at me and squinted his eyes.


    "Don''t believe me? Fine. Alright." I put my hands up in surrender. "I''ll remember to leave all my relationship advice up to you from now on, virgin."


    He grabbed at his chest and did an exaggerated stagger into a wall, groaning like he''d been shot.


    A couple of girls passed him staring and whispering. He immediately straightened up and waved at them with an awkward laugh. They hurried past, avoiding eye contact.


    I started laughing. "Smooth."


    "Totally your fault." He glared at me and stomped his foot.


    When we sat down in the classroom, Saki, of course, wasn''t there yet. She showed up at her usual time, a few precious seconds before the last bell rang. I didn''t have time to talk to her, and she hardly looked at me; probably still mad. To her credit, she actually took notes in class and paid attention the majority of the time, so at least she hadn''t totally given up over the summer.


    When lunch period finally started, I turned to her immediately. "I need to talk to you."


    She shrugged. "Yeah, fine."


    I led her over to the back corner of the room.


    "I''ll be waiting outside, I guess?" Hiromasa said, and gestured at the door.


    I nodded and he left, along with many of the other students. Some stayed, but they were mostly busy with their own conversations anyway.


    I turned my attention back to her. She stood with her arms crossed, but didn''t look particularly upset, no more than she usually did at school. I realized I had no idea where to start. I knew what I wanted to say, but I just couldn''t get the words to formulate in my mind correctly. The atmosphere between us felt different, but why? I usually didn''t have any problem separating physical acts from emotion, so why did this feel so weird?


    "Uh, listen, I''m sorry about yesterday. I didn''t mean to get so mad." I stuck my hands in my pockets and dragged my foot across the floor. "Also, I don''t want you to feel like you have to be different around me now. I get the message. I''ll keep my hands to myself. I just want things to stay like they were."


    She laughed and smacked me in the chest with the back of her hand. "Is that why you''ve been looking so worried all day? It''s fine. By the way, I love how you''re apologizing to me, even though I''m the one who started kissing you in the first place." She sighed and shook her head. "Honestly, Kaito, you''re probably the nicest guy I ever met."


    "Me? Nice?" I chuckled. "You must be confusing me with Hiromasa."


    "Really?" She cocked her head to the side. "Who is it that brings me in lunch every day? Who offered to keep me from failing all my tests this year? Oh, and who is it that keeps offering to buy me a phone all the time?" She tapped her chin. "Was it Hiromasa? Hmm...Oh!" She snapped her fingers and smiled sarcastically. "It was you."


    "Is that a yes to the phone?" I asked.


    She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Come on, idiot." She marched towards the door. "I hope you brought me something good today, too, because I''m starving."


    I wish my reasons were so selfless, but I''m not so sure. It''s not that I don''t enjoy making her happy. I do, but there are other motivations. I needed to keep her interested in school because the thought of having to enter the next year without her there put a knot in my stomach. The phone would give me some peace of mind when it came to her safety, but I''d be lying if I said I wouldn''t contact her all the time just for the sake of hearing from her.


    I followed her to our normal spot outside and sat as I normally do, much to close. Saki didn''t even bat an eye, but this too felt different to me. The whole thing felt off balance. Why was it so much harder not to act on my impulses? It''s not as though I didn''t think of her in that way before, so why did this routine act of mine suddenly feel so intimate? It didn''t matter. I couldn''t let this derail my main objective. I still needed to help her, and I still hadn''t come up with any sort of plan to do so.

 Chapter 15-Kindness and Cruelty

    The next several weeks passed with relative normality as we all got back into the swing of things. Saki continued to come to school and do homework with me and Hiromasa. She would still involve us in her deviant activities weekly, but at least she hadn''t felt the need to break in anywhere else or take us back to her father''s house.


    We were all sitting outside, eating at lunch period like we normally did, when a girl with her brown hair pulled back into a short ponytail approached our group. Kataoka Naru. I was pretty sure I let her borrow my umbrella sometime the previous year.


    "Nagase?" she said, with her hands folded behind her back. "Do you have a minute?"


    "Sure." I stood up and brushed my pants off.


    I followed her along the walkway until we were out of earshot, then she turned and smiled at me. "This is kind of embarrassing. Do you remember me?"


    I nodded. "Kataoka, right?"


    Her smile widened and she nodded hastily. "That''s right. I still remember that day you let me borrow your umbrella and had to run all the way home in the rain."


    I laughed. "Yeah, I got drenched that day. That''s alright, though. Like I said, I didn''t really mind."


    "I meant to talk to you before summer break, but then I saw you were always hanging around Higoshi and I figured you two must be dating." She paused to fiddle with a strand of hair that came loose from her ponytail. "I finally got up my courage to ask her, and she assures me you aren''t."


    She probably said it without any hesitation either. It''s not as though I would have expected her to answer differently, but the truth still hurts when you hear it out loud sometimes.


    "Anyway," she continued. "I...I just wanted you to know that I like you...and...and I wondered if you wanted to go out sometime." She said the last part in a rush and then bowed her head so I couldn''t see her face.


    The amount of courage it takes to confess your feelings to someone never fails to impress me. I can''t fathom the mental torment that must exist in those seemingly endless seconds that occur between the moment the confession leaves your lips and the time it takes for the other person to respond. Will they return your feelings? Will they prolong your agony by saying they need time to think? Will they say no?


    I have never been able to refuse anyone before. Not because I especially like them, not in that way, but because I''m always hoping that I will eventually. Besides that, I don''t know that I could turn someone down in good conscience. If I were to spend my days dwelling about whether or not someone I liked thought about me the same way, to hear a no after I finally put myself out there would probably rip me apart.


    "Sure," I said. "When are you free?"


    "Really?" Her head snapped up.


    "Of course." I smiled and nodded.


    "Today?" She took a step forward and grasped both my hands in hers. "Uh...I mean." She stepped back and pressed her index fingers together nervously. "I''m free today, if you want to do something."


    "I''ll have to check," I said. "I usually hang out with Hiromasa and Saki on the weekdays."


    "We can all hang out." She smiled.


    "Huh? Really?" I asked.


    She nodded. "Sure. I wouldn''t want you to break your plans. Plus, I think I might feel kind of nervous if it was just me and you." She looked to the side and blushed.


    I chuckled. "That''s fine with me. In that case, it''s only fair you pick the place. Where do you want to go?"


    "Do you like karaoke?" she asked.


    I shrugged. "I don''t know. I''ve never tried it."


    She gasped. "You''ve never tried karaoke?"


    "Nope." I laughed and shook my head. "I hear it''s fun though."


    She nodded eagerly. "It''s lots of fun. That settles it then. Karaoke it is."


    I nodded in agreement and we returned to where Hiromasa and Saki were sitting.


    "So, I guess you already know Saki," I said. "That weird looking guy over there is Shiganori Hiromasa." I gestured at him.


    He glared at me.


    Kataoka bowed. "Pleased to meet you."


    I laughed. "You don''t have to be so formal."


    "Right." She blushed. "Sorry. I''m just nervous."


    Hiromasa grinned. "You don''t have to be nervous around me."


    She nodded. "Thanks."


    "How do you guys feel about karaoke today?" I asked.


    Hiromasa smiled and nodded. "I''ve only been a couple of times before, but it was a lot of fun."


    "Pass." Saki said unapologetically.


    "Oh," Kataoka said. Her expression turned worried. "Is it because of me?"


    "I just don''t really want to crash someone''s date," Saki said.


    Kataoka blushed at the word. I think she might have been worse than Hiromasa.


    "Kataoka said she wanted to go as a group," I said.


    Saki looked away remaining silent.


    "Maybe it''s not such a good idea after all," Kataoka said sadly and looked at the ground.


    "Don''t pay any attention to Saki." I pulled out my phone and started typing away. "We''re still trying to civilize her. Do you still want to go as a group?" I glanced at Kataoka.


    She nodded shyly and twirled the end of her ponytail with her finger.


    "Will this work?" I held the phone out to her, letting her see the karaoke place I had pulled up.


    She smiled and nodded. "I''ve been there. That one''s really good."


    I retracted the phone and tapped on it a few more times until I found what I wanted. I held the phone out to Saki this time.


    "You don''t have to go, Saki, but you''ll be missing out." I wiggled the phone back and forth at her.


    Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings.


    She glanced over at it and subconsciously licked her lips at the gigantic strawberry and vanilla ice cream parfait displayed on the screen. "Well, maybe just for a little while."


    I smiled and pulled back the phone. Me: 1 Saki: 238...or something.


    Kataoka clapped. "Great. Well, I had better be getting back to my friends. Lunch period is almost over."


    Kataoka and I exchanged numbers. She gave me a final smile before waving to all of us and running off. Hiromasa gave me a weird look as we walked back inside.


    "What?" I asked.


    "Nothing," he said. "I just can''t figure you out sometimes."


    Join the club. I''m the founder and number one member. Know what you should do when you''re pining for someone? Invite her and the girl you just started dating out together. Don''t forget to add your best friend who also likes your love interest. Oh, yes. Only good things could come of this. The masochist thing was starting to look more and more likely all the time.


    After school, the four of us met up and set out on our awkward and nearly silent train ride downtown. The awkwardness continued as we walked down the busy sidewalks surrounded by heavy traffic and tall buildings. Hiromasa finally spoke up when the neon red and blue sign of the karaoke place came into view.


    "It''s nice that all of us could come out like this. It''s kind of like a double date. Right, Saki?" Hiromasa grinned at her.


    She shrugged. "I guess."


    He looked back at me and smiled.


    Asshole. Not that I had any room to judge him. What right did I have to be jealous about someone who wasn''t even mine to begin with? Especially while I was walking beside the girl I was supposed to be paying attention to.


    The karaoke place offered some pretty fancy rooms, but we just chose a basic one for a two hour period. The woman at the counter gave us a room assignment and Kataoka giddily led us down a hallway lit with blue lights to our private room. I had never done karaoke before, but it looked about how I''d expect. There was booth style seating with a small table that the microphones, a menu, and a small touch screen sat on. A large TV was mounted on the wall with some more blue lighting behind it.


    Kataoka picked the touch screen off the table and held it up so I could see it. "You pick your song from here by title, artist, or even lyrics. See?"


    I nodded. "That''s pretty cool, but I''ve got to warn you. I''m not a very good singer."


    She smiled. "That''s ok. Hardly anyone who comes to these things is. It''s all about having fun."


    "Well, if you can manage to have fun with someone who sounds like a dying cat I guess we''ll be alright," I said.


    She giggled. "I''m sure you''re not that bad."


    Hiromasa walked around the table and picked up the menu. Saki peered over his shoulder.


    "Hey, Saki, do you want to split a plate of fries with me?" He pointed to the menu.


    She nodded. "As long as I get my parfait too."


    "Do you think you can eat all that?" he asked.


    She smirked. "Who do you think you''re talking to?"


    He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question."


    We ended up getting two plates of fries, drinks all around, and of course, Saki''s parfait, which was probably good for Hiromasa. Otherwise, he wouldn''t have had a chance with those fries. For the first time in a while, I was forced to sit across from Saki instead of beside her. That seat went to Hiromasa instead. As expected, Kataoka sat next to me.


    We encouraged Kataoka to go first, since she was the expert. She chose a sad and slow song I didn''t recognize, but she wasn''t half bad at singing it. She sat down and was so red you could almost feel the heat come off her face. We all clapped and she held her hands against her cheeks.


    "Someone else please go now," she said.


    "One of you go." I passed the touch screen to Hiromasa.


    "You want to do a duet with me?" he asked Saki.


    "Sure." She stuck a spoon full of ice cream with a strawberry piece on top in her mouth and chewed carefully.


    Hiromasa scrolled through some songs and smiled. "What about this one?" He flipped the screen so Saki could see.


    She nodded with her spoon still hanging out of her mouth. Hiromasa made the selection, and Saki put spoon back in her parfait glass as they both got up to sing. It was a simple upbeat duet. An animated video of a pink rabbit with long ears walking towards a distant city played on the TV along with the lyrics while they sang. They even added a few of their own improvised dance moves as they went. Kataoka laughed and swayed along in her seat while they sang. I hadn''t noticed what good chemistry those two had before.


    Kataoka clapped as they sat down. "You guys were so good."


    Hiromasa grinned. "Thanks."


    Saki just shrugged and ate some more of her parfait.


    "That looks good. Let me try some." Hiromasa made a reach for Saki''s desert.


    "No." Saki pulled the glass away and rapped Hiromasa''s knuckles with her spoon. "Mine."


    "Ow." He snatched his hand back and shook it a few times. "Sorry I asked."


    Kataoka started laughing. "Your friends are really funny."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I love it when she hits him too."


    Hiromasa threw a fry at me. "Dick."


    I dunked it in ketchup and ate it. "Thanks."


    He glared.


    "You''re next." Kataoka passed the touch screen to me.


    I handed it back to her. "You pick me something."


    "You sure?" she asked.


    I nodded. "Something easy, please." I pressed my palms together.


    She giggled. "Alright. I''ll see what I can find."


    She picked me something slow and short, which I still managed to screw up and sing in the wrong key.


    "Wow," Saki said, as I sat down. "I didn''t think it was possible to be that tone deaf."


    "Harsh," I said.


    "That''s mean, Higoshi," Kataoka said. "I think he did fine."


    Saki took another bite of her parfait and then pointed the spoon at Kataoka. "In that case, you''re just as deaf as he is."


    Kataoka tensed up beside me.


    "Saki, play nice," I said.


    She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I''ll ask a nice question then. What is it you like about Kaito, since it''s obviously not his music capabilities?"


    "Saki, come on," I said sternly.


    "That''s ok. I''ll answer," Kataoka said. "I like him because he''s always so nice without anyone asking him to be."


    "The umbrella thing?" I asked.


    She shook her head. "Not just that. You helped the theater club put up all the props for their play because you saw them struggling, and you''re not even a part of that club. You looked longer than anyone when Emi lost her phone on a school trip, and didn''t give up until you found it. You even carried Rinji to the nurse''s office when he hurt his ankle in gym class." She looked down and scrunched her hands up in her lap. "So, that''s why."


    I laughed and rubbed the back of my neck. "I almost forgot about Rinji. That was pretty awkward for both of us."


    "I think sometimes people don''t approach you because you look so serious all the time, but I think they''re really missing out," Kataoka said, still looking down.


    "Kataoka..." I wasn''t sure what to say.


    I might have really screwed up this time. Kataoka was a really sweet girl and I was just going to disappoint her like I did all the others.


    Saki smiled and nodded. "I agree."


    "Huh? You agree?" Kataoka looked up.


    Saki nodded again. "He is nice. It''s one of his best qualities."


    Why did everyone keep saying that?


    "Well, thanks, but can we change the subject now?" I asked. "This is getting really embarrassing."


    Hiromasa propped his elbow up on the table and sunk the side of his cheek into his hand, then threw a fry at me again.


    "What was that for?" I asked.


    He shrugged. "I felt like it."


    The singing continued with us alternating turns. Kataoka stuck to her slow and sad songs. Hiromasa usually picked something upbeat, and when he didn''t, he would exaggerate the singing to serious songs, always with dance moves, which kept us laughing. Saki made it her mission to find the angriest sounding songs they had, but she did look like she was having a lot of fun belting them out. Kataoka kept picking my songs, which I continued to suck at.


    Saki and Hiromasa polished off their entire plate of fries before Kataoka and I even managed to get through half of ours. The two of them would make a great competitive eating team. When Saki wasn''t singing, she was usually joking around with Hiromasa. She smiled and laughed most of the time, which I was glad of, but I kind of wished she was smiling at me instead. Kataoka''s energy seemed to fade out through the session, and before I knew it, our two hours were up.


    As we left the karaoke place, Kataoka hung back.


    "Something wrong?" I asked, glancing back at her.


    "Can I talk to you a second?" she asked.


    "Sure." I nodded. "Go on ahead, guys." I waved them on.


    "Ok," Hiromasa said. "We''ll meet you at the train station."


    Hiromasa waved as he and Saki disappeared into the crowd. Kataoka pulled me to the side, out of the way of the foot traffic.


    "What''s up?" I asked.


    She clutched her school bag in front of her and looked down. This was never a good sign.


    "Why did you agree to go out with me?" she asked, finally, looking up at me.


    "Because you asked," I said softly.


    She nodded as tears started to fill her eyes. "You love her, don''t you?"


    I opened my mouth and tried to come up with a good reply. I didn''t have one. "I''m sorry, Kataoka." I had to look away from her.


    "I can tell," she said, her voice shaking. "It''s the way you look at her."


    I grimaced.


    "You know, I thought you were a nice guy, but I think instead, you''re just a jerk," she said accusingly.


    I didn''t have a good reply for that either. She turned and walked away without another word.


    An afternoon. I think that''s a record for me.


    What''s worse than saying no to a confession? Accepting one dishonestly. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and drug my feet all the way to the train station. You know, I think Kataoka was right? Because for the nice guy I was supposed to be, I sure was an insensitive jackass sometimes. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I was an idiot to think that the way I was behaving was sparing anyone but me.

 Chapter 16- Razors Edge

    After that whole mess with Kataoka, and given my track record, it was my hope that word would spread that I was some insufferable asshole who thought relationships were a joke. If someone else asked me out, I was worried I was finally going to have to say no, and that scared the crap out of me.


    Relationships just weren''t in the cards for me, not at that point anyway, and that was fine, because they would''ve just gotten in the way of my only goal at that point, help the only girl I would say yes to and mean it. And also the only one who I knew would never ask.


    I had finally made some progress on that front. I''d thought up a plan, or at least a few suggestions, but I was biding my time. Saki wasn''t one to agree to anything easily, especially something that pushed her out of her comfort zone. This wasn''t something that could be bought with strawberries either. I was going to need her to agree to try it based simply on her trust in me, which from what I could tell was fairly shaky.


    It''s not that my plan was hard. In fact, it was stupidly simple. I realized I''d been over thinking things. She''d been doing all the reckless things that she was used to doing, which was anything but the stability I thought she needed so badly.


    Until now, our relationship had been balanced on a razor''s edge. Would I pull her up or would she drag me down? It really hadn''t mattered to me before. As long as we were together, that was enough for me, but I''d finally realized that wasn''t good enough. If I was going to save her, the only direction was up.


    I found the moment I''d been waiting for on a day in early autumn. I was on my way to school. As I approached the front gate, my jaw nearly dropped. Leaning on the wall to the left of the gate, was Saki. I blinked a few times while I walked, thinking I must be imagining things, but she didn''t disappear.


    "Did hell freeze over?" I asked, walking over to her.


    She rolled her eyes and lifted herself off the wall. "No. You just died in your sleep last night."


    "My afterlife is a perpetual school day?" I asked. "That seems pretty harsh."


    She grinned. "Nope. Your afterlife is a day with me."


    I smiled. "I''m in luck then. Sounds like heaven to me."


    She chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah. Come on smartass." She punched me in the shoulder as she walked past. "We''re going to have some fun."


    "You''re serious?" I turned to look at her, but didn''t follow.


    "No, I got up early to get a head start on academics," she scoffed. "Have we met? Yes, I''m serious. And since you got your panties in a wad last time I skipped, I figured I''d invite you along this time."


    "Alright." I nodded and took one final look at the school building. "I have some things to ask you, but you have to agree to hear me out."


    "What things?" she asked.


    I smirked. "That would ruin the surprise."


    She laughed. "Yeah, I guess I deserve that one. Alright, it''s a deal. Now, come on."


    I followed her across the street, away from the constant flow of other students. I assumed it wasn''t going to take us long to turn heads. I was sure someone was going to notice we weren''t going in the right direction. That was alright though. I''d gladly get chewed out if Saki accepted my ideas. I was guessing it didn''t make a single difference to Saki. After all, she could''ve just come to my house to get me instead of waiting right outside of school.


    "Seems a little dumb to ask now, but you weren''t going to invite Hiromasa?" I asked as we walked.


    She shook her head. "I can get that wet blanket to do a lot of things, but I doubt I could get him to skip school once he was already there. Plus, he''d make a scene."


    I laughed. "I guess that''s true. What are your plans for today, anyway?"


    She just smiled in response. I''m not sure why I even asked. I should''ve known better.


    Our day started out on a train ride that dropped us at the edge of the city. From there, we made our way to the nearby temple, but instead of entering the temple grounds, we continued past it until we were at the beginning of a nature trail.


    I took a look around at the trees that were starting to turn their beautiful autumn color. "I have to say, this is one of the last places I expected to be today when you said we were skipping school."


    She smirked. "Didn''t have me pegged as much of a nature buff, huh?"


    I laughed. "No. I really didn''t."


    "The reason why will really freak you out then," she said.


    "What''s the reason?" I asked.


    She smiled and folded her hands behind her back with her eyes closed. "Because it''s peaceful."


    She wasn''t wrong. That definitely wasn''t the answer I was expecting. Peaceful? This was Saki I was talking to, right? The same girl who delights in mischief and destruction?


    "Come on." She jerked her head in the direction of the trail.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    She started up the mountain and I followed alongside. She was right about it being peaceful. It had been a while since I''d been out of the city. I forgot how the air feels different, lighter almost, or how the woods have their own smell, especially in the fall, earthy and damp.


    "Is this one of those rare days where you don''t feel like putting your fist through a wall?" I asked.


    She smiled and nodded. "You should be happy to witness it. They''re almost nonexistent these days."


    I was happy, but the feeling was bittersweet. The fiery rage that I usually saw in her eyes was replaced by something else- loneliness. Pain is pain. The way in which it is expressed is of no consequence.


    The conversation during our walk consisted mostly of mindless chatter, like how pretty the trees were, or how pissed Hiromasa was going to be when he figured out we were skipping school together. I sent him a text telling him where we were, which I finally got a response to when we were a little over the halfway mark. There was a lot of name calling and whining in his message. I sent him back a picture of me and Saki smiling with our thumbs up. All I got in reply was a picture of his middle finger. He stopped talking to us after that. I guess he didn''t find our picture very funny.


    Uniforms and school shoes aren''t exactly made for hiking, but the path up the mountain wasn''t very tough going, so we didn''t have very much trouble. The whole thing took under an hour and we were going at a pretty leisurely pace. Near the summit, there was a break in the trees that gave way to a large grassy slope. Saki stepped off the dirt path into the grass to take a look at the view, which was pretty captivating. The tree tops with different hues of green, orange, and red speckled their way down the mountainside giving way to the city below. You could see the whole thing from up there.


    "Wow," I said. "This is really great."


    She nodded and sat down in the grass. "Clear days are the best."


    I sat down next to her and she passed me a bottle of water from her bag.


    "Thanks." I unscrewed the top and took a long drink.


    She took a drink from her own bottle and we just sat there for a while, staring at the city.


    "Do you know why I hate the name Higoshi?" she asked.


    I turned to her. "Because of your father?"


    She nodded. "Because I hate him so much for giving up on my mother."


    I assumed he was also the reason for Saki''s skewed views on relationships. I''d never met her father, but I''m pretty sure I hated him too.


    "She wasn''t always like that," Saki said, continuing to stare ahead. "She is the way she is because I am what I am."


    "A monster?" I asked softly.


    She nodded. "A monster. I broke her and now she yells and screams. Says things she doesn''t mean. She feeds the monster and the monster grows bigger. Soon it will be all that remains and she will just be an empty husk."


    I felt the sadness seize my chest and a lump grow in my throat. I expected her to be crying, but she wasn''t. She just continued to stare forward with that same focused look she had those three years ago. I balled my hands into fists and fought to stay still. All I wanted to do was squeeze her as tightly as I could and kiss her until my lips went numb and we both forgot how to breathe, until there was nothing left in the world but the two of us.


    "It''s alright," she said, turning to me before I could think of a single thing to say. "All I have to do is hold out until graduation. If I can make it until then, she and I might stand a chance."


    "Let me help," I said, trying to force my voice to a normal tone.


    "Help?" She chuckled. "There is nothing you can do."


    "That''s not true," I said. "I''ve thought about this."


    I couldn''t let what she''d just told me eat me up inside. I had to stay strong for her. If I wanted to convince her, I needed to sound sure of myself.


    She shook her head and started to get up, but I grabbed her arm. "You told me you''d hear me out, didn''t you?"


    She turned back to me without saying anything.


    I took her silence as an invitation. "Do you remember what you told me before about shaking up my routine and doing things that I wouldn''t normally do?"


    She nodded.


    "I think the same thing might be good for you." I finally let go of her arm. "I saw you that day at karaoke. You were having so much fun doing something normal. You can''t tell me you weren''t."


    "I was," she said.


    "What if we do more things like that? Instead of breaking or vandalizing things every weekend, let''s do something every other high school student does."


    She laughed. "Like going shopping or seeing a movie?"


    "Yes." I nodded eagerly. "Exactly like that."


    She rolled her eyes. "That sounds so mundane."


    Stone skin Saki was starting to come back, but I didn''t care. I was going to get through to her anyway. I had to.


    "It won''t be. I swear it won''t be. Just try it for a few weekends. If you hate it, we can go right back to doing what we were doing."


    Her eyes drifted to the side.


    "Please, Saki." I leaned down and to the side so I could catch her gaze. "You helped me, now let me help you."


    "Just a few weekends," she grumbled.


    I smiled the biggest I think I''d ever smiled. "Thank you."


    "Don''t thank me for it, idiot." She shook her head at me.


    "There''s one more thing," I said.


    "Don''t push it," she growled.


    "This one is simple. Instead of sleeping at that dump of an abandoned apartment building, you can come sleep at my house anytime you feel like you have to get away."


    She smirked. "Want me to come sleep with you, huh?"


    "I''m serious," I said, refusing to take the bait. "It''s going to get cold soon."


    She shrugged. "I''ve slept there in the winter before."


    I sighed. "That does not make me feel any better. What difference does it make where you sleep? You just need an escape, right? Wouldn''t you rather have a heated building?"


    "Alright, already. God, you''ve gotten pretty demanding all the sudden."


    I grinned. "Tha-"


    She pushed her hand over my mouth and glared. "Stop saying that."


    My mouth turned into a smile under her hand.


    She clicked her tongue and took her hand away. "You''re so annoying. Come on." She stood up and brushed herself off. "Your stupid face is ruining my view."


    It was obviously a quicker trip down than it was up. Saki had already put her guard back up, and I was sure it was going to be a long time before I saw her drop it and open up again. I was thankful though, even if she trusted me just a little bit, it was something I could work with.


    As I expected, Saki and I ended up in the principal''s office the next day. It already felt stuffy in that small office because of his large desk and the overflowing bookshelves he had packed in there, but I think the air probably felt even heavier than normal with the principal and our homeroom teacher glaring at us.


    When they asked us why we had skipped school together, Saki didn''t have anything to say. I told them it was merely a means to an end. Mr. Nagashima had stared at me a long time after I said that, as if he were deciding something, then we were dismissed after a fairly long speech about responsibility and the importance of education. That gaze from Nagashima had not been lost on me. They clearly knew more about Saki''s situation than I did, but I probably would have started to lose hair if I tried to put the whole thing together at that point, so I shoved it to the back of my mind with all the other stuff I didn''t know.


    Despite that mess, and the crap I was no doubt going to get from Hiromasa, I was feeling pretty good that day. Saki had opened up to me without any prompting, even if it was only for a few minutes. She had accepted my plan, even if she had been scared to do it, and even if it was on a trial basis, none of that mattered. It was going to work. It had to work.

 Chapter 17- Self-inflicted Ambivalence

    A couple of weeks after Saki and I skipped school I woke up in the middle of the night to something stirring in my bed. I blinked a few times, trying to get the sleep out of my eyes and squinted at the dark shape laying with its back to me.


    What the hell? Saki? Was I dreaming? It certainly wasn''t starting off as erotic as they normally did. I blinked a few more times.


    "Saki?" I asked groggily.


    "Yeah?" she answered with her back still towards me.


    I slowly slipped from my half asleep state into full consciousness. "What are you doing?"


    "Trying to sleep. What does it look like I''m doing?"


    "In my bed?" I asked.


    "What are you talking about? You invited me. Remember?"


    I tried to think back to the events of the previous day. It wasn''t sounding familiar. Had I made a joke of some kind? Then it dawned on me. She meant that day on the mountain.


    "I meant I''d get you a futon to sleep on, not for you to come and sleep in my bed," I said, sitting up.


    She groaned. "I''m too tired for that. Can''t you just go to sleep?"


    What planet did she say she was from again? Go to sleep? Did she really not have a grasp on the situation at all?


    "You do realize some men might take this as a hint, right?" I ran my hand through my hair and yawned.


    "Do you think I''m here to have sex with you?" She glanced over her shoulder at me.


    I chuckled. "Unfortunately not."


    "Well, there you go." She put her head back on the pillow and shut her eyes.


    I stared at her for a minute and sighed. "You also realize that some men might take advantage of this situation?"


    "Are you planning to assault me while I''m sleeping?" She asked, her eyes still shut.


    "Not on purpose, but I''m not making any promises about what I''ll do in my sleep," I said, only half joking.


    "I''ll take my chances," she said slowly with some annoyance in her voice.


    I sighed and lay back down with my back to her, pulling the blanket around me as I went. I let out a deep breath and shut my eyes, trying to empty my head, but it wasn''t working. I could feel her there, her warm body only inches away. I could hardly lie still, let alone sleep.


    I flipped back over and stared at her. "Just so we''re completely on the same page here, sex is a bad idea, but there are no issues with sleeping in the same bed?"


    She sighed and started to get up. "Fine. If it''s such a bother to you, I''ll go."


    "Wait." I caught her arm. "I''m sorry. I was just kidding. Don''t go. I''ll be quiet."


    "Good." She lay back down and moved her pillow around until she got comfortable. "Go to sleep."


    I sunk back into the bed with my back to her again.


    "Goodnight," I mumbled.


    "Night," she said.


    I shut my eyes and eventually fell asleep somehow, although it felt like it took hours.


    In the morning, the alarm on my phone went off, which I had to reach over Saki to get. She moaned as her face squished up in irritation and then rolled towards me, away from the noise. The tip of her nose brushed against my chest. I hung my head and sighed. I must have done something really screwed up in a previous life to anger the karma gods enough to endure this kind of torture.


    I turned my alarm off and tried to figure out my next move. I was trapped between her and the wall. I decided to scoot down to the bottom of the bed because I was pretty sure if I tried to maneuver over her, I would just do something stupid, especially that early in the morning.


    I grabbed my school uniform and headed to the bathroom to start my morning routine. When I returned, Saki was still cuddled up in bed.


    "Come on, Saki." I shook her shoulder gently. "We have to go to school."


    She groaned. "Don''t want to. Your bed is too comfortable."


    "Saki, come on. We''re going to be late if you don''t get up."


    She pulled the covers over her head.


    I sighed. "If you get up, I''ll make you breakfast."


    She moved the blanket down slightly and peered out at me. "What do you have?"


    "I can make toast?" I offered.


    "No deal." She pulled the blanket back over her head.


    I should have known that wasn''t going to be good enough. I took a deep breath and tried to brace myself mentally for what I was about to see. Then I quickly grabbed the covers and yanked them off Saki, throwing them to the floor. I''m not sure if I was more relieved or disappointed.


    "Did you sleep in your school uniform?" I asked.


    She shuttered from the sudden cold and curled up into a ball. "Dick. And yes, I did. I didn''t think to bring anything to sleep in."


    "You could keep something here for next time," I said.


    "I''ll keep that in mind. Off to school you go." She waved me off.


    I laughed. "Nice try. Get up."


    "Pass."


    "Saki, I swear if you don''t get up, I''ll start singing."


    She growled. "Alright. Alright. No need to make my ears bleed."


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    She slowly got out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Once I was satisfied she wasn''t going to instantly run back into my room, I went downstairs to find something to pack for lunch and to make toast. After a few minutes, I went back up to ask if she wanted butter or jam.


    "Hey, Saki." I knocked on the bathroom door. "Do you want..."


    The door opened and Saki stood leaning against the door frame. Her uniform looked worse than usual, but at least her hair was brushed now. A blue toothbrush hung out of her mouth.


    "Is that my toothbrush?"


    She removed it and shrugged. "Probably. It was the only one in here."


    "That''s disgusting," I said flatly.


    She laughed. "You''ve had your tongue in my mouth, you know?"


    I sighed. "Thanks for reminding me, but this is totally different."


    "How so?" she asked.


    "It just is," I said. "Tongues are nice. Teeth are not."


    She grinned. "If that''s your opinion, I don''t think you''ve been doing it right."


    I chuckled. "Not exactly what I meant." I leaned closer. "But, if you''re offering to demonstrate, I''m game."


    She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something and shut it again.


    "Oh?" I leaned back and folded my arms. "Not so quick in the morning, huh?"


    "Shut up, idiot." She punched me in the shoulder and shut the door in my face.


    "Butter or jam?" I hollered.


    "Is it strawberry jam?" she asked through the door.


    "No. I wouldn''t have bothered to ask if it was."


    "Butter then," she said.


    "Hurry up," I called as I headed down the stairs.


    After a few minutes she joined me in the kitchen.


    "Eat." I placed the toast in her hand.


    As soon as she shoved the last bit of it in her mouth, I grabbed her hand. "Come on. We''re going to be late."


    We both put our shoes on in a hurry and dashed out the door. I locked it and turned around to see two girls wearing our school uniform staring in our direction from across the street while they walked.


    "What''s up?" Saki asked, following my gaze and turning towards them.


    They quickly looked away and hastened their pace.


    "Nothing." I shook my head. "Let''s go."


    Saki and I quickly made our way to school. I overcompensated for the time we''d lost and ended up getting to school a little bit earlier than I usually did. Hiromasa was still by the shoe lockers when we got there.


    He cocked his head to the side when we approached him. "Did you two come together?"


    "Yeah," I said. "She slept over at my place."


    His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to say something.


    I put my hand up before he could speak. "Not what you''re thinking."


    He let out a sigh of relief and turned to Saki. "You can come stay at my house too, you know?"


    "You don''t think your parents would take issue with that?" I asked.


    He folded his arms and looked away from us, grumbling to himself. I caught sight of the two girls from earlier, who were now standing in the corner of the room amidst a few more of their classmates, glancing in our direction.


    "Hey." I nudged Saki with my elbow and nodded towards the group of girls. "Sorry I didn''t think of this earlier, but people might get the wrong idea about us."


    Saki laughed. "Guess I shouldn''t do this then." She grabbed my shoulder and stood on her tip toes to put her mouth close to my ear, then started to talk in an over exaggerated moaning voice. "Oh, Kaito. You were so good last night. I can hardly wait to get home."


    I grimaced and leaned my head away. Karma gods suck.


    She ignored Hiromasa waving his hands wildly as a sign to be quiet and pulled away from me, glaring at the group of girls as she did. They exchanged worried looks and scurried away.


    I let out a deep breath. "So, I''m going to take that as an ''I don''t care''."


    "I''ve got news for you," she said. "That rumor has been going around since the first few weeks of school."


    "Really?" I folded my arms. "You don''t really strike me as the gossiping type."


    She rolled her eyes. "I''m not, but I still have to share a locker room and bathroom with those idiots. Hell, there is even a story going around about you and Hiromasa."


    I bust out laughing.


    "What?" Hiromasa whined. "Is this why I don''t have a girlfriend?"


    Saki shrugged.


    Hiromasa groaned and let himself fall against the lockers. "I''ll be single forever."


    I kept right on laughing until the bell rang.


    "Hm. I guess we were late after all," Saki said, glancing up at the noise.


    "That was the first bell," I said.


    "There''s a first bell?" Saki asked.


    I sighed and hung my head. "You''re hopeless."


    The rest of the day went by fairly normally. We had our usual study session after school. After Hiromasa and Saki left, I dropped by the store to grab a few groceries and two new toothbrushes.


    I didn''t want to struggle every morning, so I had come up with a new plan involving food bribery. I wasn''t sure when she was going to show up again, so I had to permanently set my alarm for a little earlier in the morning, not that it mattered to me.


    Sure enough, at the end of the week she snuck through the window again. I didn''t say anything when I awoke to her getting in the bed, just flipped over and shut my eyes until I finally fell asleep.


    In the morning I got ready and went downstairs to literally cook up my plan. When I returned to the room, she was still covered in blankets, but quickly poked her head out and sniffed the air. Who doesn''t love the smell of eggs and bacon?


    I knelt next to the bed with the plate. She flipped over and stared at it.


    "Did you make breakfast?" she asked.


    "Mhm." I nodded.


    She made a snatch for it, but I pulled it away from her grasp. "Nope. After you get ready, it''ll be waiting for you downstairs."


    She glared at me for a minute, before throwing the covers off and racing to the bathroom. At least she was wearing shorts and a t-shirt instead of her school uniform, which I found scrunched up on the floor. I shook my head, gathered it up, and walked to the bathroom.


    I knocked on the door. "I''m leaving what is either your uniform or a pile of rags in front of this door. I can''t really tell which."


    "I suppose you''re going to tell me to hang it up next time," she said from the other side of the door.


    "That would be a start," I said. "Have you ever ironed this thing?"


    "Do I look like someone who would own an iron?" she asked.


    I sighed. "Yeah, I guess that was a dumb question. I''ll do it for you sometime."


    "Wow. You cook and iron? You''re going to make a great housewife someday." She laughed.


    "Keep it up and I''ll eat your breakfast." I started down the stairs. "Your toothbrush is the green one, by the way."


    When I got downstairs, I set her plate down on the table and took a seat to wait. She made it downstairs pretty fast.


    "You waited for me?" she asked, sitting down across from me.


    "Obviously." I picked up my fork and knife. "You made good time. I don''t even think it''s gotten cold yet."


    "Couldn''t keep my wife waiting." She winked at me and cut into her bacon and egg.


    I glared at her in response.


    She laughed and gathered up some food on her fork before sticking it in her mouth. Her eyes went wide.


    "Wow," she said, pulling the fork away. "You really can cook."


    I laughed. "I hardly think this counts, but thanks."


    "Why green?" she asked, cutting up more of her breakfast.


    "The toothbrush?" I cut into my egg. "Because it''s your favorite color, of course."


    "You remembered that?"


    I nodded. "I told you I would."


    She smiled. "Yeah, I guess you did."


    "You know, it''s not really so bad down here." I looked around the plain white room. "It usually feels really weird, but today it''s a lot better."


    "Probably the food." Saki scraped the remainder of her breakfast onto her fork.


    I stared at the woman sitting across from me. The beams of early morning light bounced off her skin and hair giving it a subtle shine. It wasn''t the food.


    It didn''t take me long to realize that aside from breakfast, I could make bento lunches as well. I kept it pretty basic, but I still had a smile on my face every time I went into that kitchen to make her something. Since she was the brutally honest type, she didn''t hesitate to tell me when something was a little off, but that just made me try harder. She didn''t have many complaints, and I don''t think it was just my imagination that she ate a lot of it slower than I had seen her eat other food, a quality she usually reserved only for strawberries.


    Our sleeping arrangements stayed the same as they had that first night. Sometimes she would show up as much as a few times a week, and sometimes not at all. I didn''t know when she was going to spend the night until I awoke to her crawling into the bed next to me. I never brought up the futon again. I was afraid it would discourage her from coming and I would lose all the progress I''d made. Instead, I remained quiet and still until sleep claimed me. It was like my own private hell I had decided to put myself in.


    The only thing worse than having her there was not having her there at all. On the nights she didn''t show, I woke up feeling more lonely than I''d ever felt before. I loved how well I slept knowing she was there. I hated how long it took for me to calm my mind enough to sleep. I loved waking up and seeing her next to me. I hated the reach over her to turn off the alarm. I loved having her close enough that I could pull her close and hold her. I hated not being able to. I loved that occasionally in her sleep she would touch me with her feet or graze my skin with her fingertips. I hated having to move away from these touches. I lived in a constant state of self-inflicted ambivalence, and I loved and hated every minute of it.

 Chapter 18- Bedside Manner

    Just when the weather was really starting to turn and winter started to creep up on us, I started to feel a tickle in the back of my throat. My body started to feel sluggish at the end of the day. It was on a particular Sunday in late November, when I was scarcely able to keep my eyes open through one of the overly violent movies Saki decided to sneak into, that I knew I was in trouble. I hardly ever got sick, so I often forgot how horrible it was until I got sick again.


    I was headed up the stairs that night after returning home from the movie theater, when a wave of nausea with an accompanying dizzy spell made me grip the railing to steady myself.


    "Crap," I muttered to no one in particular.


    I made it to my room and crawled into my bed without bothering to get undressed.


    When my alarm went off in the morning, I turned it off and immediately decided school was not a possibility. My whole body felt sore and heavy. I was sweaty as hell and I felt like I was going to vomit at any second, despite my stomach being totally empty. I let my eyes shut again. How pissed was Saki going to be when I didn''t turn up?


    I only got up a few times that day, usually just to stumble to the bathroom and throw up something fun, like stomach bile or my own toenails, and then go back to bed.


    I drifted to that place between asleep and awake when the front door slammed loudly downstairs.


    "Kaito, where the hell are you?" Saki yelled.


    My eyes opened. She stomped quickly up the stairs. I was going to regret giving her that key. My bedroom door flew open and smacked off the wall. Saki stood in the doorway, her eyes blazing. Well, at least I had answered my question about how mad she was going to be. Very. As if that was any surprise.


    "Saki, wait," Hiromasa panted behind her.


    She had probably been pissed off enough to run all the way here. Poor Hiromasa. His day had probably been hell.


    Saki marched across the room and jumped onto the bed, planting her knees on either side of my waist. She grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled my face up to meet hers.


    "Saki," Hiromasa said, pleadingly.


    "Where were you?" Saki growled, ignoring Hiromasa completely.


    "Sorry," I said, my voice hoarse.


    "Saki, please." Hiromasa tried once more. "I keep telling you, he only misses school when he''s sick."


    She studied my face and her gaze softened a little, then she released my shirt, which sent me into a coughing fit.


    "Come on, Hiromasa." She got off the bed and walked out of the room.


    "Do you need anything?" he asked with a worried expression.


    I shook my head and settled back into bed.


    "Are you sure?" he asked.


    "Hiromasa!" Saki yelled from downstairs.


    He cringed.


    I smiled and waved him off. "You two have fun."


    He gave me a final worried look before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him. I fell back asleep for what must have been an hour or so and woke up to Saki shaking my shoulder.


    "Hey," she said when I opened my eyes.


    "Come to finish me off?" I asked wearily.


    "Not quite," she said and smiled. "Did you eat anything today?"


    The mere mention of food made my stomach turn. I shook my head. She held up a bowl of something steaming.


    I turned my head away. "No thanks."


    "Fine. Fine." She set the bowl on the nightstand. "Men are such babies when it comes to being sick."


    "Trying to kick me while I''m down?" I asked.


    "Here." She ignored me and handed me a bottle of clear sports drink. "At least drink this for right now."


    I took the bottle from her and took a few small sips, then handed it back to her. She set it next to the bowl.


    "I''ll be right back." She got up and left the room.


    I finally noticed Hiromasa glaring at me from the doorway. "Some people get all the luck."


    "You call this luck?" I asked.


    "I absolutely do," he said. "I wish I had a girl nursing me back to health."


    "If you come over here, I''ll breathe on you." I grinned.


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    He folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "No thanks."


    Saki entered the room again, sliding past Hiromasa, carrying another bowl. She shuffled things around on the nightstand and set the bowl down, then removed the wet cloth from inside it and rung out the excess water. The droplets squeezed from the cloth made a pleasant sound when they hit the rest of the water in the bowl. She sat down next to me and started to dab at my face with the damp washcloth.


    "Well, looks like I''m not needed here anymore." Hiromasa waved. "Feel better soon."


    I waved back at him, but I''m not sure if he saw me or not. He left pretty abruptly. I can imagine that it wasn''t really something he wanted to watch. I felt bad for him, there''s no doubt about that, but I can''t deny that another part of me really enjoyed it. She had a gentle, soft look on her face while she continued to dab the sweat away from my face and neck. I couldn''t help but smile at her.


    "Rest now." She pushed my hair out of my face.


    I nodded and shut my eyes. I fell asleep pretty easily, despite the fact I had been sleeping all night and the entire day. I''m not sure if it was her small bit of treatment, or just the fact that she was there. I hadn''t been cared for when I was ill since I was a small child, so the warmth and comfort she gave me was almost worth being sick. Almost.


    When I woke up again Saki was leaning against the bed quietly flipping through one of my mangas.


    "You''re still here?" I asked softly.


    She titled her head back to look at me. "Of course. Where else was I going to go?"


    I smiled. "What time is it?"


    "A little after seven, I think." She put the manga down and sat on the bed next to me. "Feeling any better?"


    I nodded. "A lot better, actually."


    She placed her hand against my forehead. "Your temperature has definitely gone down."


    It took a lot of effort on my part not to grab her hand and pull it back when she removed it from my head. It''s a good thing I didn''t get sick very often, because if she kept being so nice to me, I don''t think it would''ve taken very long for me to break down and do something stupid.


    "Drink the rest of this." She handed me the sports drink from earlier. "It''s not cold anymore, but you need to drink something. I''m also going to have to insist you eat something now."


    "Yes ma''am, nurse Saki." I chugged the rest of the sports drink. Turns out, I was pretty thirsty.


    "Don''t push your luck." She glared at me. "Just because you''re sick, doesn''t mean I won''t hit you."


    I laughed. "That''s cold." I sat up and stretched my arms above my head. "Food doesn''t sound half bad, but I think what I really need right now is a shower."


    "No arguments here," she said. "You stink."


    I chuckled. "Your care taking skills are strong, but I think your bedside manner needs some work."


    She sighed and got up. "You go take a shower. I''ll make you something to eat."


    "You don''t want to come in and scrub my back for me?" I grinned.


    She smirked. "Just your back?"


    I shrugged. "Well, to start with."


    She shook her head. "If you''re making jokes like that, you must be feeling better."


    She walked out of the room and I rounded up some clean clothes.


    When I returned from the shower, she was sitting on my bed with her back against the wall. Some mindless game show was playing on the TV. I sat down next to her and let out a long breath. She handed me a warm bowl that had been sitting next to her, as well as a bottle of tea.


    I looked down at the bowl. "Rice porridge, huh?"


    "You don''t like it?" she asked.


    I shook my head and ate a spoonful. "I like it. I just haven''t had it in a while."


    "Don''t get too excited. I didn''t make it or anything. It''s just the instant stuff, but maybe that will be better for you. Your body probably went into shock because you suddenly started cooking fresh food instead of eating salty, dried ramen all the time."


    I laughed and ate some more of the porridge. "You might have a point there." I took a drink from the bottle. "Honey and ginger?"


    She nodded. "Supposed to be good for colds."


    I smiled. "Thanks for taking care of me."


    She sighed. "I assure you my motivations are purely selfish. The sooner you get better, the sooner you can come back to school. There''s no point in me going if you''re not there."


    "What about Hiromasa?" I asked.


    "Idiot." She shook her head. "That''s not the same and you know it."


    That statement really shouldn''t have made me as happy as it did.


    We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out and watching TV. That night was the first time I actually went to sleep with her already in the bed next to me. It was even harder than usual, especially after her whole caretaker routine, but it was still much better than sleeping alone.


    The next day, Saki stayed home with me and we spent the whole day together doing nothing in particular. It was the best day I''d had in a while. I sort of regretted getting better.


    Hiromasa showed up after the school day ended. Saki and I were sitting on the floor playing video games when he opened my bedroom door. He was wearing a sour expression on his face and was obviously pretty irritated, not that I blamed him. I would have been ticked off, too.


    I wanted to apologize to him, but I wasn''t sure if I could do it honestly. I was sorry he was hurt, but I couldn''t really say I would have rather been at school with Saki, instead of at my house alone with her. He''s a better person than me by miles. I could never be as selfless as he is.


    Hiromasa stood with arms folded, glaring at the both of us. "I can''t believe you guys left me alone all day."


    "Don''t worry," I said. "I''m sure I''ll be back tomorrow."


    "You had better." He stared at us for a minute. "You know, Kaito, you really shouldn''t sit so close to Saki. You''re going to make her sick."


    I smirked and moved away from her. It was only fair to give him that one. I wasn''t able to apologize, but I could at least ease his suffering for the day a little. He chucked his bag down and then wedged himself into the gap I''d created between me and Saki.


    "Subtle," I whispered.


    He glared at me in response. Saki didn''t seem to notice in the slightest, which I guess was probably a good thing.


    "Don''t be so mad, Hiromasa." Saki set the controller down. "We missed you too." She ruffled his hair.


    He didn''t even put up any resistance, merely grumbled while she did it. He must have really been feeling neglected.


    We all did some studying and hung out like normal after that. Hiromasa cheered up pretty quickly. He never had been one to stay angry at anyone for very long.


    Saki left later that evening. How broken the relationship between her and her mother must have been for her to stay overnight somewhere and not even check in. I guess it wasn''t really surprising. She had been sleeping in that abandoned apartment building from time to time until she started sleeping at my house. Hiromasa left too, but not before I swore on pain of death I would be in school the next day.


    When I finally did decide to go to sleep, I found myself staring at the empty side of the bed where Saki slept. I almost had to laugh out loud. It looked like falling asleep on my own would be difficult now, too. It was just something I was going to have to get used to, just like everything else. Maybe I should''ve just started hitting myself in the head with a rock every night before bed. It probably would''ve made my life a lot easier.

 Chapter 19- Silent Prayers

    My parents returned home for a few weeks in early December, with my mother arriving a few days before my father, which happened occasionally when their work schedules didn''t match up exactly. It was still just as awkward. I think I probably said less than twenty words to her the whole time she was there and even less to my father when he arrived.


    Saki didn''t visit while they were at home, so I honestly couldn''t wait for them to go. I still saw Saki at school and on the weekends when we did one of those normal high school activities that she said was a waste of time. She could say that all she wanted. I knew better. I caught her from time to time dropping her guard and really enjoying herself. I never called her out on these times. I would simply smile to myself.


    At some point, merely seeing her in the daytime was not enough to satisfy me anymore. This became readily apparent to me when my parents were visiting and Saki didn''t sneak into my bed at all. I woke up every day during those early weeks in December feeling like a piece of me was missing. It really wasn''t good. I was holding on too tight, depending too much on her presence. It was just going to burn me in the end.


    When my parents finally left and Saki started showing up at night again, it was like finally being able to breathe after being held under water. It took so much effort not to reach out to her the first night she returned. I lay staring at her outline in the bed after she fell asleep. It felt wrong to do so, but I couldn''t bring myself to stop. When she rolled over and her fingers found their way to my outstretched arm, I did not pull away. Not good.


    The three of us decided to spend Christmas Eve together, because obviously, none of us had dates. Hiromasa showed up early, kicked off his shoes and took off his coat in the entrance way, then followed me to the kitchen. He peered over my shoulder while I whisked some honey and soy sauce together.


    "What are you making?" he asked.


    "A glaze for fried chicken bites." I jabbed his chest with the handle of the whisk. "Back up. I can barely move with you hovering like that."


    "Wow. You''ve really gotten into this cooking thing, huh?" He stuck his finger into the bowl and put it in his mouth. "This is really good."


    I glared at him.


    "Don''t worry." He grinned. "I''ve got clean hands."


    I growled.


    He put his hands up and backed away until his back hit the island. "Sorry. Sorry. I''ll stay out of the way."


    I went back to finishing the sauce and draining the oil from the fried chicken. Hiromasa was quiet for a while. His voice was quiet, yet serious when he spoke again.


    "Hey, Kaito. I need to tell you something."


    I turned to look at him. He was gripping the island behind him and staring at the floor. He only ever got this serious when he talked about Saki.


    "On New Year''s Eve, I''ve decided I''m going to confess to Saki." He looked up and met my eyes.


    I was silent for a minute. I didn''t know what to say. My chest felt tight and I wasn''t really sure why. It''s not like it would do any good for him to say anything to her, right?


    "Good luck," I said, finally.


    I really wish I meant those words, that I could be one of those people who had that selfless outlook. "As long as they''re both happy," people like that would say, but I could hear a tiny, dark voice in the back of my head wishing for his failure. I didn''t really believe she would pick anyone, but if she did, it had to be me. She wouldn''t be happy with him. I couldn''t accept that. He would never understand her the way I did. She wasn''t ever going to open up to him the way she had with me. He didn''t know how to handle the rage inside of her. If it was anyone, it had to be me.


    Saki strolled into the living room, swinging the house key around her index finger by its ring. "What''s with the serious feeling in here? Did someone die?"


    "Hey, Saki," Hiromasa turned his back to me and waved at her over the island. "Merry Christmas."


    "Merry Christmas to you too." She walked over and stared at me. "What''s that look on your face? Did I interrupt a lover''s quarrel?"


    "Ha ha," I said flatly. "Maybe we just don''t know how to have a party without you."


    She grinned and grabbed a piece of chicken. "In that case, let the party begin." She popped it in her mouth and then immediately started to fan at it. "Hot. Hot."


    I laughed. "That''s what you get for being a thief."


    She shrugged. "Still delicious."


    I smiled. "Thanks."


    "Try some of that sauce." Hiromasa gestured at the bowl. "It''s pretty good."


    She put her finger in the bowl and tasted it.


    I let out an irritated sigh. "Why does everyone keep doing that?"


    "Relax." She held up her hands. "I washed them recently."


    Hiromasa laughed. "That''s what I said."


    "It''s like you two were separated at birth sometimes, I swear." I grabbed Saki''s hand as it made its way towards the chicken again. "Didn''t you learn your lesson the first time?"


    She smiled. "I''m a slow learner, especially when I''m hungry."


    "Will you two go sit down?" I waved them off.


    "Fine. Fine," Saki said, and went to the table on the other side of the island.


    Hiromasa sat next to her. "He certainly has a stick up his ass about that sauce, huh?"


    Saki laughed. "Yeah, he does."


    I whirled around to look at both of them. "I am not the weird one here. Why the both of you think it''s normal to stick your fingers in food, I don''t know."


    They both started laughing.


    What was this weird situation? Weren''t Saki and I usually the ones laughing at Hiromasa? I turned around to finish what I was doing while the two of them chattered in the background about how much snow we were going to get this year.


    Before long, I''d set a big plate of the glazed fried chicken on the table, along with some rice and some simmered winter squash. I took a little bit of everything. Saki and Hiromasa mostly loaded their plates with chicken.


    "This is delicious," Saki said after swallowing a few pieces of chicken and coming up for air.


    Hiromasa nodded in agreement, his mouth too full to speak.


    I laughed. "Glad you both like it. Save room for desert though."


    We all ate way more than we should have, Hiromasa and Saki especially, but no one refused a slice of strawberry and cream cake when I passed them out.


    "Did you make the cake too?" Hiromasa asked, sinking his fork into the pillowy cake slice.


    I snorted. "Yeah, right. I''m an amateur cook, not a baker."


    He shrugged and placed the forkful of cake in his mouth. "It''s good anyway."


    I stuck a fork through the large strawberry on top of my piece and scraped it onto Saki''s plate.


    "You don''t want it?" Her eyes grew big.


    I shook my head. "Not as much as you do."


    She quickly took a bite of cake and her face melted into that content smile of food bliss as she chewed slowly.


    I laughed. "I''ll take that as a ''thank you''."


    "So, you guys want to go to a shrine for New Years?" Hiromasa asked.


    Saki smirked. "First shrine visit of the year together, huh?"


    Hiromasa nodded. "Kaito and I usually go together with my family, but it would be really fun if the three of us went together this year. Especially on New Year¡¯s Eve."


    She smiled. "I guess you could be right. I haven''t done that in years."


    Hiromasa''s cheesy grin spread over his face and he nodded. "It''s settled then."


    The three of us finished off our cake, and then hung out for a while longer just goofing off and playing games like we normally do. Hiromasa finally decided to head home because he could barely keep his eyes open. Saki was about to head out too, but I stopped her at the front door.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    "Before you go, I have something for you." I pulled out the flat, white box from behind my back.


    She glared at me. "Nice try." She bent down to grab her shoes.


    "Come on." I held the box out to her. "Something like this can hardly be considered a present."


    She eyed the box skeptically, then looked back up at me. "So, not a phone, then?"


    I laughed. "Last time I checked, phones don''t come in boxes this big." I paused. "Would I have gotten away with a phone?"


    "No." She ripped the box out of my hands and stared at it.


    "It''s not going to blow up when you open it," I said.


    She scowled. "I didn''t get you anything."


    I shrugged. "I don''t care. That''s not why I did it."


    She took off the lid and flipped it under the bottom of the box. Her face softened as she pulled out the dark green scarf, running her thumb over the wooly texture.


    "Kind of lame, I know." I smiled. "I thought you might like the color though."


    "You''re an idiot." She didn''t take her eyes off the scarf.


    I cocked my head to the side. "Really? I thought you liked green, or is it the fact that it''s a scarf?"


    "It''s neither of those reasons." She thrust the box at me. "Take it back."


    I held my hands above my head so she couldn''t reach and laughed. "That''s not how gift giving works."


    She growled and shoved the box into my chest. "Take it back."


    "No, and you can''t make me." I grinned.


    She jumped up trying to get the box into my hands. I folded them behind me and put my back against the wall, laughing the whole time.


    "Take it back." She pushed the box towards me again.


    "Nope." I smiled.


    She sighed and hung her head. "Thanks."


    I nodded. "You''re welcome."


    She turned away from me and set the box down to put on her shoes and coat, then picked it up again, hugging it to her chest.


    She opened the front door and paused. "Merry Christmas."


    I smiled. "Merry Christmas."


    She shut the door behind her and I kept right on smiling.


    As promised, we all met up outside of the shrine grounds on New Year''s Eve. Hiromasa and Saki were already waiting for me when I arrived. He looked nervous. I wondered if he was really going to work up the courage to confess to Saki. The thought of it made me a little nervous, too.


    We had chosen a less popular shrine in hopes that the crowd wouldn''t be as bad, but it was still really busy. Saki had the scarf I had given her tied around her neck, which put me in an instant good mood. She must have seen me smiling as I approached her because she was already glaring at me before I even had a chance to say hi.


    "Why are you in such a good mood?" she asked.


    "Nice scarf," I said with a smile.


    She sighed. "I thought so. Don''t get any ideas. It''s just cold out."


    "Of course." I nodded.


    "Let''s just go." She shuffled towards the wooden torii gate.


    Hiromasa and I quickly caught up to her and we all walked side by side as we crunched over the wide gravel path that led to the shrine. The closer we got, the more crowded it became. At least the walk was pretty. There were trees and mossy rocks on both sides of the path, as well as a stream that I could hear occasionally, but couldn''t see. Red lanterns lit our path the whole way.


    Saki put her head back and groaned as we walked. "I think I remember why I stopped doing this."


    "Ah, come on," Hiromasa said. "It''s part of the experience."


    "It''s part of the experience to get treated like a human sardine?" she asked.


    I started laughing.


    He grinned. "I don''t think it''s that bad. Besides, it could always get worse, right?"


    He was right. It could, because it did. It took us a while, but we finally made it to the end of the path where it opened up into a larger area containing the stone water basin for cleansing your hands and mouth. We shuffled with the crowd over to the basin, and each took some water with the wooden ladles that lay on a grate above. We washed our hands, as well as rinsed our mouths with the cold water, then continued on our slow journey to the shrine.


    For three friends on a night out together, there wasn''t very much conversation going on. Hiromasa was unusually quiet and his face seemed tense. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for him drawing closer and closer to his confession. Saki had a serious expression on her face as well and it seemed like she was far away. Had she sensed how anxious Hiromasa was, or was it something else entirely? It was hard to say with her.


    I wasn''t really holding up my end of the conversation either, mostly because I wasn''t really sure what I was feeling. I was glad Hiromasa was moving forward, but what did that mean for any of us? Would things be able to stay as they were? He was going to get hurt. I was sure of that, and I really didn''t want to see that happen, but the only alternative was something worse.


    We crossed through the open wooden doors in the large, roofed gate that surrounded the shrine. Inside, there were several stalls set up for buying fortunes or talismans, as well as a place to write a wish on a wooden plaque and hang it with hundreds of others.


    We readied our coins and headed up the stone steps to the altar. Once there, we dropped our coins through the slots in the large wooden box. We bowed and clapped twice, then began our silent prayers. Mine was the same as it had been for years. I prayed for Saki''s happiness and safety. We bowed once more and left the altar.


    Saki weaved her fingers together, stretched her hands above her head, and yawned. "So, was it everything you dreamed it could be?"


    Hiromasa stared ahead, silently.


    "Hello?" Saki cocked her head. "Earth to Hiromasa."


    He still didn''t say anything.


    She let out an irritated sigh and grabbed a fist full of his hair. "Hey!" She shook his head from side to side. "You sleep walking, or what?"


    "Sorry." He pulled away. "Just thinking." He smiled weakly.


    "Uh-huh," Saki said, clearly unconvinced.


    "Actually," he said and stared at the ground. "I need to talk to you."


    "So talk," she said.


    He shook his head. "Not here. There''s a park across the street. Will you come with me?"


    She shrugged. "Sure, if you want."


    Leaving the shrine was a little slow too, but not nearly as slow as it was on the way in, although the air had certainly grown tenser. We crossed the street to the small, forested park and started down the path lined with street lamps and shrubs. I realized that I should have excused myself earlier and had very quickly become a third wheel. I stopped abruptly, which made Saki and Hiromasa stop too.


    "Uh, I think I had better get home." I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I''ll see you guys later."


    Saki''s eyes traveled slowly from Hiromasa to me. She nodded and gave a short wave. She had figured it out in that moment. I didn''t need words to tell me that.


    "Later." Saki stepped closer to Hiromasa.


    He nodded his thanks at me and the two of them continued walking down the path together. I watched them go. My chest tightened and I turned away.


    I was nearly out of the park when my feet slowly shuffled to a stop. I couldn''t go home, not without knowing. I glanced back at the now empty path behind me. How would he do it? Would he be direct and straight to the point? Knowing Hiromasa, he would be nervous and stuttering the whole time, although, he had surprised me a lot lately.


    I sighed and leaned against one of the lamp posts at the edge of the park. I watched my breath condense in front of me, letting the minutes tick by. She was going to say no, wasn''t she? My breath caught in my throat. What if she didn''t? What if he convinced her to try dating him? How was I going to deal with that? Could I even still be around them both at the same time? What if she actually enjoyed it?


    What if she fell in love with him?


    I suddenly found it very hard to breath and gripped my chest.


    What if I stopped him?


    I took a step forward, ready to run down the path. Hiromasa was walking slowly towards me, alone.


    I silently waited for him, my breath returning.


    He stopped several feet from me with his head down. "If you''re waiting for Saki, she went the other way."


    He walked past me without saying another word.


    I couldn''t stop myself from asking, even though I knew I shouldn''t. "How did it go?"


    He stopped and glanced back at me. "How do you think it went?"


    "I''m sorry," I said.


    "No you''re not," he spat.


    "I..." I trailed off and shut my mouth. "I''m sorry you got hurt."


    He turned around to face me fully. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"


    I didn''t answer.


    He shook his head and sighed heavily. "Congratulations. You won without even trying, like you always do."


    "What''s that supposed to mean?" I asked, my tone rising.


    "Every single one of those girls you dated really cared about you. They sought you out and you didn''t have to lift a finger. They cared about you and you just threw every one of them away. You have no idea what I would give to have any one of those girls look at me the way they looked at you, but no. You had to fall in love with the one girl I wanted!" He balled his hands into fists.


    "You think I wanted to?" I took a step towards him and placed my hand on my chest. "Do you think I planned it this way? I didn''t do it just to screw you over. I warned you this would happen. I told you in the beginning that she wasn''t going to love you. That she wasn''t going to love anyone."


    He gritted his teeth. "If that''s true, then what are you doing? Why do you act the way you do?"


    "She needs a friend. I want to help her."


    He half laughed. "Friend? You don''t act like her friend. All that flirting you do, or how close you sit to her. She sleeps in your bed for God''s sake." He shook his head. "You do not want to be her friend. So what do you want?"


    "To save her," I said.


    "I thought so. I bet you think you''re the only one who can do it too." He spit the words like venom. "I bet you think that I don''t stand a chance. That you''re the only one who truly knows who she is."


    I shook my head.


    "Admit it." He stepped towards me, closing the gap between us. "Admit it, or I will never speak to you again."


    I looked down and hesitated before nodding. "I do."


    "What is it you think you have that I don''t?" He asked in a low voice. "What is this deep connection that you and Saki share that I know nothing about? What is it about her that you love so much that I couldn''t possibly understand?"


    I stared at him silently.


    He sighed and shook his head. "Don''t kid yourself, Kaito. You want her to love you just as badly as I did." He turned away from me. "Forget this. I''m going home."


    I watched him march away, disappearing into the cold darkness.


    It was well past three in the morning when I finally got home and into bed. I lay wide awake staring at the ceiling. What a mess I had made. I sighed and wrapped my arms around my face. Why didn''t I just answer him? It''s not that I didn''t know why I loved her. I knew exactly. I just couldn''t say the words out loud.


    People are kind. They make you laugh. They comfort you. They are trustworthy. They make you feel like you''re the only one. Those are normal reasons someone might love another person, and while Saki might fit some of those categories, those were not the reasons I loved her. My reasons were far more selfish, dark, twisted.


    I loved her because she was just as lonely as I was, because she depended on me, even if she would never admit it, because she saw how broken I was immediately and didn''t turn away, because she saved me, because I wanted to save her, because we had the same eyes.


    The front door opened. I usually wasn''t awake to hear her come in, but this time I listened to every movement she made, ever step she took up the stairs, the careful way she opened the door to my room. I waited silent and still while she got changed and crawled into bed next to me. I rolled over and stared at her for a long time.


    Why did she have to come now? Why did she have to come when I was feeling so terrible and thinking about her so hard? My heartbeat quickened and I felt selfish desires building up inside me. They grew and grew, until they threatened to spill out of every pore in my body. I couldn''t stand it another second.


    "Saki," I said.


    "Hm?" she answered, half asleep already.


    "Come here," I whispered.


    "What?" she asked, her voice sounding a little more awake.


    "Come here," I repeated.


    She rolled over and stared at me. "Are you drunk or something?"


    I slid one arm under her shoulder and around her back, wrapping the other over her waist, pulling her against me. I nestled her head against my collar bone, placing my face against the top of her head, breathing in the orange jasmine scent of her hair.


    "What are you doing?" she asked.


    "Solving this masochist thing once and for all," I said.


    She laughed quietly. "Sounds serious."


    "It is." I closed my eyes.


    "So? What''s your verdict?" she whispered.


    "Not sure," I said.


    "How do you feel?"


    Warm. Safe. Happy. Wanted. The best I''ve ever felt.


    "Pretty good," I answered.


    "Not aroused?" she asked.


    I smiled and buried my face deeper into her hair. "Only slightly, but I think that might just be your breath on my neck."


    She giggled. "I guess you''re probably safe then."


    "Seems so."


    "Glad to help." She started to pull away.


    I gripped her tighter. "That doesn''t mean you can leave."


    She sighed. "You''re an idiot."


    "I know."

 Chapter 20- Neglected Warnings

    When I awoke the next morning, she was gone. I rolled over, stared at the ceiling, and sighed. Nothing like starting the New Year having completely screwed up everything the night before. I guess I should have expected as much. Even someone like Saki, with her near nonexistent respect of personal space, had boundaries, and I''d just charged right past them.


    I sat up on the edge of my bed and ran a hand through my hair, considering my options. There weren''t any, really. What was done was done. There was nothing left to do but wait and see what happened. Hopefully, she would show up sometime soon and not be totally disgusted with me when she did. I was sure she''d figured out that I was in love with her. She was sort of perceptive that way and it''s not as though I had been at all subtle about it. If she was still unaware, surely the previous night would have convinced her completely. What she would do with that information still remained to be seen, but it wouldn''t do me any good to worry about it.


    I got ready and made my way to Hiromasa''s house. It felt weird going to his house to apologize. It''s not as though we''d never had a fight before. We''d known each other for a long time, after all, but it had been quite a few years.


    When I knocked on the front door, Kanna, the eldest of his little sisters, answered it.


    A big smile spread over her face when she saw me. "Hi, Kaito."


    "Hey." I waved at her. "Is your brother here?"


    Aoi, the second eldest, squeezed her way under Kanna''s arm and smiled just as big.


    I heard Hiromasa''s mother scolding them before she came into view. "I''ve told you not to answer the door."


    "Hello, Mrs. Shiganori." I bowed as soon as she came up behind them.


    "Oh, Kaito, it''s you." She nodded back at me. "Want to come in?"


    I shook my head. "No thanks. I just wanted to talk to Hiromasa for a minute."


    "I''ll get him." Kanna took off like a shot.


    "Not here to play?" Aoi asked.


    I smiled. "Sorry. Not today. Maybe next time?"


    She pouted, crossed her arms, and then stomped away from the door.


    "Did you two boys have a fight?" Mrs. Shiganori asked.


    I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, kind of."


    "Mmm." She nodded. "I thought so. He''s been sulking all morning."


    Hiromasa stepped into the entryway and leaned against the doorway opposite his mother. "What do you want?"


    His mother scowled and smacked the back of his head.


    "Ow." He rubbed where she''d struck him. "What was that for?"


    She put a hand on her hip. "You had better make an effort, young man. The two of you have been friends for twelve years. You shouldn''t take that kind of friendship lightly."


    "Fine. Fine." Hiromasa looked at me. "Give me a minute."


    I nodded and he shut the door. When he opened it again he was wearing his coat and shoes. He stepped outside to join me, shutting the door behind him.


    "So, what do you want?" he asked.


    I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I just wanted to come and tell you I''m sorry. I didn''t want it to seem like I did this to you on purpose. And I''m sorry I took your feelings for Saki lightly." I looked down. "Honestly, I respect you a lot for what you did. I could never tell her how I feel. I think it''s incredible that you were able to do something like that. You''re a pretty cool guy."


    He was quiet. When I looked up, he was tapping on his phone.


    "What are you doing?" I asked.


    "I''m going to need you to say that last part again." He held the phone up to my mouth. "I need it for my ringtone."


    "Come on." I pushed his hand away. "I''m trying to be sincere here."


    He laughed and put his phone back in his pocket. "Yeah, I know. Thanks for coming to apologize. I''m sorry, too. I didn''t mean to get so worked up. I know you can''t help how you feel."


    I smiled. "You know what? I''m glad to have you as a friend. I''m not sure what I would have done without you."


    He grinned. "You would''ve been dead in a ditch somewhere by now for sure."


    I laughed. "I''m serious. You''re my only friend, and that makes sense for me; I''m an introvert, but you could have loads of friends and you don''t."


    "I guess." He shrugged. "I just never felt like I needed another close friend."


    "Man," I said. "This got sappy in a hurry."


    "Whose fault is that?" he asked.


    "Sorry." I chuckled. "I got carried away."


    After a few moments of silence, he spoke up again. "You should try it."


    "Try what?" I asked.


    "Confessing," he said.


    I laughed. "And get my heart stomped on? No thanks."


    He chuckled and looked out towards the yard. "It did hurt a lot. It still does, and probably will for a while, but it''s also kind of freeing in a way." He looked back at me.


    "I think I''ll just have to take your word for it," I said.


    He shrugged. "Suit yourself. I think it might be worse your way, though, all long and drawn out."


    It''s not that he was wrong. My way was agonizing at times, that was for sure. I didn''t hold out any hope of her actually loving me back. It''s not as though I was tricking myself into thinking there was a chance, but to hear the rejection from her lips, I didn''t think I could handle that. I couldn''t do what Hiromasa did. He got crushed and was going to have to pretend like everything was fine. He was going to have to see her everyday knowing for sure there was no chance. Rejection does not change your feelings. It just kills any hope you had of that person loving you in return. There was no chance with Saki, so why get hurt for no reason? Besides, if I confessed, she might stop hanging out with both of us. I couldn''t have that. I still had work to do.


    If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.


    The last semester started. Saki didn''t show up. I hadn''t seen her since that night on New Year''s when I did something stupid. She didn''t show up the first day, the second, or the third. I was sure it was punishment, revenge for my failure to keep my hands to myself like I said I would. When she didn''t show up on Thursday, I started to worry a little.


    I stared at her empty desk after class started on Thursday, muttering to myself, "I get it, alright? I''m sorry. Just come back to school."


    I considered trying to track her down. What if something was actually wrong? I decided if I didn''t see her on Friday, I would do just that. I had almost no idea where to start, but at least I would feel like I was doing something.


    Later that afternoon, I left class to go to the bathroom. I didn''t even really need to go, but I was getting agitated just sitting in one place. On my way there, I heard someone crying softly in the quiet hallway. I made a detour and followed the noise. I found Sayoko standing near one of the back stairways with her face in her hands, sobbing. I''d almost forgotten about having those pictures of her and Naoki behind the shed on my phone.


    "Hey." I leaned against the wall next to her. "Are you alright?"


    She moved her hands to reveal her tear streaked face and her expression quickly turned into aggravation. "Just what I need." She turned away and started wiping her eyes. "What do you want?"


    I shrugged. "I just wanted to see who was crying."


    She turned her head back around and glared at me. "Well, now that you know it''s me, you can leave."


    "Not really my style to walk away from someone when they''re upset," I said. "What''s wrong?"


    "As if you care." She turned away from me again and started at the wall silently, probably waiting for me to leave, which I didn''t do.


    She sighed. "If you must know, my boyfriend finally found out about me and Naoki."


    I nodded. "Well, that was bound to happen. You lasted longer than most."


    She turned to glare at me again. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Make me feel like I''m not such a horrible person? Because if it is, you''re doing a terrible job."


    "It was mostly just an observation," I said. "Although, I don''t think you''re a horrible person."


    "You don''t?" She looked like she might start crying again.


    "No, I don''t." I shook my head. "I think you screwed up big time, but as long as you learn from your mistakes and feel remorseful, you''re not a horrible person."


    She sniffled and cracked a smile. "Thanks."


    I nodded and pulled out my phone. "I suppose I don''t need these pictures anymore now. I wonder how Saki is going to take it."


    "You can tell her she doesn''t have to worry about me anymore," Sayoko said. "I was only threatening to say bad things about her and her mother because I was so mad at her, but I''m not anymore."


    "You were mad?" I asked.


    She nodded. "Yeah. I bet she didn''t tell you we used to be friends, huh?"


    I chuckled. "No, but I kind of figured that was the case."


    "We were friends since elementary school. There were two other girls, too. We were all really close." She smiled. "Saki used to have lots of friends. She was really nice, but then in middle school..." She looked down and her smile faded. "All we wanted to do was help her, but she just pushed everyone away. She wouldn''t talk to us, and when she did, she was so mean. None of us could stand to be around her anymore. When she transferred here and I saw her hanging around with you, I got so mad." She half laughed. "It''s so dumb, but I was so jealous of you. I didn''t understand what you were doing that the rest of us couldn''t do."


    "So you told her you would spread rumors about her?" I asked.


    She nodded. "I don''t even know if I was serious or not, but I wouldn''t do it now. I realized I was being really petty. She deserves friendship, even if it isn''t mine."


    I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall. "Do you know she tried to kill herself when she was thirteen?"


    Sayoko''s eyes filled with tears for a different reason and she shook her head. "No, we were hardly talking by our second year in middle school."


    I nodded and pushed myself off the wall. "I stand by what I said about you not being a horrible person, but I think maybe this year we should try and better ourselves, you and me both."


    "You should be careful. I realize how hard you''re trying, but it won''t work. She''ll just push you away like she did with everyone else."


    I looked back at her and grinned. "I''m far too stubborn for that."


    She shook her head with a smile and wiped her eyes. "Good luck."


    I waved and left. I wasn''t joking when I said I was too stubborn. Saki could push as hard as she liked. I wasn''t going anywhere.


    I meant what I said about being a better person, too. I realized I had jumbled up my desires with what Saki really needed. And what Saki really needed was a friend, not some guy somewhere between friend and boyfriend complicating her life. If I was serious about helping her, I needed to stop doing what made me feel good and focus on her.


    Honestly, I was dying to ask Sayoko what happened. If Saki''s mother had always been mentally unstable, then Saki would have been shut down from the beginning, or at the very least her violent temperament and standoffishness would have been gradual. Sayoko made it sound as though this change had been sudden. Something had to have happened that made Saki''s mother break. There must have been a trigger. I really wanted to know what this trigger was and I was sure Sayoko knew, but I couldn''t ask her. It felt like cheating. I needed to get Saki to tell me herself. I needed her to open up to me. I''d made progress. I just needed to be patient.


    Saki showed up to school the following day, which was a relief because I didn''t want to have to go and look for her. I was glad she was alright, even if she didn''t say "hi" to me when she came in, or so much as look my way the whole first part of the day. I tried to talk to her between classes, which produced zero results. She ignored me completely. I couldn''t figure out if it was simply because I had screwed up, or because something had happened at home.


    As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Saki pushed herself away from her desk and hastily left the classroom. I chased after her.


    "Saki," I called as she marched down the crowded hallway.


    She didn''t even look back. I charged after her and grabbed onto her shoulder. She slapped it away and turned around to glare daggers at me.


    "I need to talk to you," I said.


    "Piss off." She turned and walked away from me.


    I followed her again. She quickened her pace and tried to lose me by cutting down hallways through large groups of people. I had to give quite a few apologies for nearly running into them, but I stayed right behind her.


    Her last ditch effort was to go up the flight of stairs leading to the roof. When she got to the top, she was met by a locked door, which meant she was trapped. She brought her fist down on the door and growled.


    "Saki," I said softly from behind her.


    She sighed and turned around with her arms folded. "You win. What do you want?"


    "I just wanted to apologize for New Year''s." I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I shouldn''t have done that. I don''t want you to feel like you can''t be safe there. I won''t do anything like that again."


    "That''s nice," she said. "Now can you stop following me around like a lost puppy?"


    "I''ll go, if that''s what you really want." I turned to leave, but hesitated. "In the spirit of honesty, you should probably know that I talked to Sayoko."


    She clicked her tongue. "Talked to Sayoko, huh? And what did Sayoko have to say?"


    "She says she won''t bother you anymore," I said.


    "How nice that you and Sayoko are all chummy now." Disdain dripped from her words.


    "Don''t be like that," I said. "We just ran into each other in the hall."


    She turned her head away from me. "What else did your friend Sayoko have to say?"


    I sighed. "She told me to be careful. She said you hurt a few of your friends in the past."


    A dark smile spread across her lips. I hadn''t seen that smile in a while. "She''s right, you know?"


    I shook my head. "You don''t scare me, Saki. I''m not afraid of getting hurt."


    "Oh, no?" She walked towards me slowly. "Then you''re more of an idiot than I thought." She grabbed the knot of my tie and pushed me into the wall, bringing her face close to mine. "Do you think you''ll be spared just because I like you?" She leaned against me and put her lips to my ear. "I''ll rip you to pieces just like all the rest."


    She released me and walked down the stairs. I didn''t bother going after her. It wasn''t going to get me anywhere. I would just have to wait for her to calm down. What had put her in such a strange mood? I hadn''t seen her quite like that since we smashed windows and she licked my face. She never had a problem with physical contact, and she certainly wasn''t a stranger to foul moods, but these moments felt different than normal. During these times, she was definitely still angry, even if she wasn''t yelling. There are many differences between a roaring lion and the glowing eyes of a silent jungle cat, but either way, you''re going to get eaten.


    She was certainly creepy in those moments, but I didn''t feel threatened. It just made me more determined to figure her out. I''m not sure which one of us was more messed up. Her for the way she acted, or me for not lifting a finger to stop her. Rip me to pieces, Saki? Well, go ahead. Do your worst.

 Chapter 21- Renewal

    To my surprise, Saki showed up that night and crawled into my bed. I don''t even think I was really asleep yet. My head was being too loud. I kept replaying events that happened between the spring and what had happened earlier that day, but it was no use. I couldn''t put the pieces together.


    She got into bed next to me silently, like she always did, like everything was normal. I stared at her back for a few minutes before I decided to test my luck.


    "Hi, Saki," I said quietly.


    "Hi, Kaito," she answered.


    She certainly sounded more like her usual self. She wasn''t snapping at me or making odd threats.


    "Feeling better?" I asked.


    She snorted. "I guess? What does that mean?"


    "You seemed..." I wasn''t sure how to say it without offending her.


    "Crazy?" She turned over to face me.


    I cracked a smile. "I was going to say something like, agitated."


    "When am I not?" She grinned.


    I chuckled. "More agitated?"


    She nodded. "Don''t worry about it. You should really try and stay away from me when I get like that."


    "I don''t want to stay away from you," I said softly. "I want to know how I can help you."


    "You can''t." She smiled weakly. "I just have to stay away until it passes."


    "You don''t have to do that." My eyes took on a pained look I hoped she couldn''t see. "You can always come here."


    "I''ll break everything," she whispered.


    "I don''t care," I said. "It''s just stuff."


    "No," she corrected. "I break people, too. I drive them away."


    "You couldn''t drive me away," I said. "You wouldn''t hurt me."


    "I would." She closed her eyes. "You have no idea how horrible I can be. How horrible I was to people in the past. I don''t want to do that to you."


    My fingers tensed under the covers as I resisted the urge to reach out and touch her face, to hold her in my arms. "I can take whatever you can throw at me, Saki. If a punching bag is what you need--"


    "I don''t want that." She cut me off. "You''re the first friend I''ve had in so long. It would hurt me so much to do that to you."


    The silence grew between us. How could I debate that? I wanted so much for her to rely on me, but how could I ask her to do something that hurt her? Was there really no way to take her pain away?


    "Saki," I said, finally breaking the silence.


    "Hm?" she answered sleepily.


    "I''m going to start making a futon up for me at night, in case you come," I said. "You can have the bed. I don''t want to overstep my boundaries again. It will be easier for me this way."


    She opened her eyes and nodded at me. "I understand."


    She rolled over and I was left to my thoughts again. I couldn''t see her eyes in that moment before she turned over. Was she relieved? Happy? Sad? Disgusted? I didn''t know.


    I''m so sorry, Saki; Sorry I couldn''t be stronger for you.


    Slowly the winter faded into spring. With it, came fresh green grass and those familiar cherry blossoms. I strived to be what Saki needed, rather than what I wanted. I no longer flirted with her. I sat a respectable distance away from her. I even slept on the floor every night, just in case she happened to wander in. As the world around us began its yearly renewal, so did I. I slowly let the old me die, making way for a new me, a better me.


    We started into April, and that meant a new school year. Our classmates for homeroom stayed the same, of course, but we even happened to get Nagashima as a homeroom teacher again. Whether this was by accident or by design, I wasn''t sure. I took the same seat as I did last year, expecting Saki would want her seat as far away from the teacher as possible, and with her view of the outside.


    She didn''t show up that whole first week. I nearly went mad. Why? Why did she have to make me worry about her so much?


    Mid-way through the week, I sought Sayoko out by asking for her at random third year homerooms until I found her. Sayoko assured me that Saki was probably fine, for the most part. She told me that Saki just disappeared once in a while, but I shouldn''t worry. That information didn''t exactly comfort me. What was the reason for the extended absences? Sayoko''s eyes said she knew something and I was dying to know what it was, but I couldn''t ask. It felt like a betrayal of Saki''s trust to gain whatever secrets she was hiding in that way, so I suffered in ignorant silence.


    Saki crept into my room the weekend after that first week of school. I still woke up when she got into bed, even though I wasn''t sleeping in it anymore. It was odd. I slept so soundly and deeply after she showed up. A bomb could go off and not wake me up, but I always heard her when she came in, as if my body couldn''t truly be at ease until she was there.


    She climbed into my bed as I lay awake on my futon staring at the ceiling.


    "Having a bad week?" I asked.


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    "Mhm," she affirmed. "I''m a little better now."


    I sighed. "It scares me so much when you disappear like that. Why can''t you just come to me?"


    "We''ve been through this," she said. "I''ll hurt you."


    "You wouldn''t," I said, frustration finding its way into my voice. "I told you I can take it. Why won''t you let me help you?"


    Her head slid to the edge of the bed and she peered down at me. "You don''t know what you''re asking. I''m a monster, Kaito. Don''t ask me to be something I''m not."


    "Please talk to me," I begged.


    She shook her head gently. "It''s better this way. You have to believe me."


    I clicked my tongue and turned away from her. I squeezed the pillow and gritted my teeth. I would have punched something if I thought it wouldn''t scare her away. Slowly, I let out a deep breath, letting the anger slip from my body.


    Harder. I''d just have to try harder. I''d just have to give it more time.


    Our lives went back to normal. We continued the new school year in much the same way as we had ended the old. We studied and hung out a little on the weekdays. On the weekends, we''d do some normal activity that Saki pretended to hate, but secretly enjoyed.


    Saki and Hiromasa''s relationship didn''t seem to suffer that much. They were pretty awkward at first and Saki gave him a little bit of space, but as he started to get comfortable, she started to treat him the same way she always had, taunting and teasing, ruffling his hair. He seemed to take it well. He really was a better man than me.


    One week in early April, a second year girl with light brown hair cut into a Chinese bob style and hands shaking from nerves, mistakenly handed a flyer for the culture club to Hiromasa. Upon realizing her mistake of trying to recruit a third year, her round cheeks turned red and she started apologizing profusely. Hiromasa returned her blush and promised to join anyway. I don''t think he really cared about the culture club, but it''s not like he was going to turn down a cute girl.


    It wasn''t exactly normal for a student to finally join a club in their last year, but at least it made his mom happy. She had been bugging him to do extracurricular activities since he started. He really should have done it sooner. It is pretty abnormal that none of us were in any clubs. I guess in his case, better late than never. He had a bright future ahead of him, along with a plan for adulthood. I was kind of envious and felt a little guilty, like maybe I had been holding him back for two years.


    We were about half way through the first term, when things got a little bit shaky. Saki and I, along with several other students were on cleaning duty at the end of the day. Most of the others assigned to clean had already left. They had clubs to get to, so Saki and I had agreed to finish up. It''s not like we had anywhere else to be. All we had left to do was take the chairs back off the desks that we''d moved up there to clean.


    Saki didn''t typically work well in groups, but it''s not as though she hadn''t been on cleaning duty before. You do that countless times during your school life. But this time was different. I could tell she was feeling agitated, but I couldn''t figure out why until it was just me, her, and some other guy who had insisted on sticking around, alone in the classroom together. The guy had been pretty much useless the entire time, now more than ever, since all he was doing was leaning against the teacher''s podium while Saki and I were dealing with the chairs.


    He was staring at her with a smug look on his face. A look that made me want to smash his nose against that podium, but I resigned myself to quicken my pace so the two of us could get out of there. Saki slammed a chair down on the floor with such force I was surprised the legs didn''t break off.


    "If you have something to say, just say it!" She gripped the chair and stared at the guy in the front of the classroom.


    A grin spread over his face and he put his hands up in a sarcastic manner. "I was just admiring your beauty, that''s all."


    Saki growled and moved onto the next chair.


    "Seeing that reaction, though," he said. "I suppose, maybe the rumors are true."


    "What rumors?" Saki asked in a low voice.


    "I heard you had to transfer here because you got a little violent in your last school." He smiled. "Even went as far as to break some guys arm. Did they press charges?"


    Her lips went up into that sinister smile. "I didn''t break it, merely dislocated it. Want to see the difference? I can demonstrate." She took a step towards him. "One on each arm."


    "If you''re just here to provoke her, why don''t you just leave?" I asked. "You aren''t doing anything anyway."


    "In just a second," he said, not taking his eyes off of her. "I heard your mom is even crazier than you."


    "What did you say?" Saki took another step towards him, her hands curling into fists.


    I abandoned my position at the back of the classroom and walked over to Saki slowly. What was his deal? Why couldn''t that asshole just leave her alone?


    "I guess the apple doesn''t fall far from the tree," he said.


    She lunged at him, but I caught her around the waist and pulled her back. "Saki, leave it."


    "Let go!" She thrashed about and tried to pry my arms from her waist.


    "Calm down," I urged, tightening my grip and pulling her back.


    The guy in the front of the class started laughing. "Oh, man. This is great."


    "Get out of here!" I shouted at him.


    "Fine. Fine." He put his hands up and leisurely walked towards the door. "Thanks for the show."


    He exited the classroom and I waited a few seconds before loosening my grip on her waist. The second I did, she twisted away from me and shoved me backwards.


    "Who the hell do you think you are?" she spat. "What gives you the right to hold me back like that?"


    "You can''t afford to get into fights," I said. "Especially if what he said is true and that''s the reason you had to leave your other school."


    She marched over to me and put her face in mine. "Never do that again. I''ll go through you next time if I have to."


    I just shook my head. Of course I''d do it again.


    She grabbed her bag and slammed the door on her way out. I sighed and put the rest of the chairs down before gathering up my stuff and heading out myself.


    I walked down the stairs and towards the shoe lockers. It was pretty quiet on the first floor. Everyone else was already either in clubs or had gone home. That guy from the classroom was standing near the large open entrance to the shoe lockers. I''ve hated very few people in my entire life, and this guy was one of them.


    I tried to ignore him and just walk by, but he couldn''t let it go.


    "Man," he said, as soon as I''d passed him. "That girl of yours is really something."


    I stopped and looked back at him without saying anything.


    He shrugged. "I guess I get it, though. They do say the crazy ones are the best in bed." He smirked.


    I didn''t have time to think about it. All I could feel was a searing heat spreading through my body. My muscles tightened and I launched my fist into his face.


    He grabbed his mouth and stumbled backwards. "What the hell?"


    I seized his collar in my fist and shoved him against the wall. "If you ever try anything like that again, I will haul you to the top of this building and throw you off. Do you understand?"


    His eyes got wide and he nodded rapidly. I released his collar with a shove and walked away without saying another word. I wasn''t sure if I was going to get punished. It all depended on whether or not he wanted to admit that someone punched him. I didn''t really care either way. I''d do it again. And in that moment, I sure as hell wasn''t kidding about throwing him off the roof either.


    I got to my locker and found Saki leaning next to it. When she looked up at me, she didn''t seem mad anymore. Her eyes looked calm, almost sad. It was especially hard for me not to embrace her when she looked at me like that.


    "I saw the whole thing," she said softly. "Thank you."


    I nodded and took my shoes out of the locker. "He had it coming."


    "Is that the first time you''ve hit someone?" she asked.


    I looked down at my hand. It trembled a little and the knuckles were red. I nodded.


    "Felt good, didn''t it?" She smiled.


    I chuckled and nodded again. "It really did."


    "Come on." She nudged me with her elbow. "Let''s go home. You owe me a strawberry desert for stealing him from me."


    I laughed. "Of course I do."

 Chapter 22- A New Friend

    At the end of the first term, we went out one weekend like we normally did. Only this time, we were expecting an extra guest, the cute girl who invited Hiromasa to the culture club. We''d decided to go to a local revolving sushi bar, and we''d hardly been sitting down at the dark red vinyl booth for five minutes, before Hiromasa started chewing at his fingers.


    "Dude, seriously." I grabbed Hiromasa''s hands and set them on the table. "Relax."


    "How can I relax?" he said, his voice climbing in pitch. "She''s going to be sitting right across from me. I''ve never seen her outside of school." He started to breath heavily. "We''ve hardly talked about anything but the culture club. What will I say?"


    "Nothing, if you hyperventilate," I said.


    He glared at me. "Not helping."


    "Just try to stay calm," I said. "It''s all going to be fine."


    "Sounds like someone has a crush." Saki made a grab for a plate of tuna sushi that came by on the conveyor belt.


    "We''re waiting," I said before she could grab it.


    She clicked her tongue and planted her elbow on the table. "Well, little miss culture club had better hurry up. I''m hungry." She leaned her face against her hand lazily.


    "Her name is Miyasoto Kimiko," I said.


    "Yeah, yeah," Saki said. "She had just better hurry up. Otherwise, I''ll starve to death and lover boy will have a stroke or something."


    Hiromasa groaned and buried his head in his hands. "I didn''t even really mean to invite her. She just casually asked me if I was doing anything fun over the weekend and I said sushi bar. So, she goes, ''I love sushi bars'', and I invited her without thinking."


    Saki sighed. "We''ve heard the story, like, sixteen times."


    "You''re forgetting the part where she asked to exchange phone numbers and you started freaking out because you finally realized what was happening," I said. "How many times did you say you dropped your phone? Three?"


    He groaned again and leaned his head back against the seat.


    "A number is good, though." Saki grinned. "Think of all that late night texting you can do."


    His face filled with color and Saki started to laugh. "Maybe you can get pictures too." She laughed harder.


    "Will you shut up?" Hiromasa leaned across the table and put his hand over her mouth.


    "Um," Miyasoto appeared in front of the table.


    Hiromasa jumped and jerked his hand away from Saki''s mouth. She laughed even harder.


    "Keep it down. You want to stay and eat, don''t you?" I whispered harshly at her.


    Saki took a few deep breaths to calm herself. "I''m good."


    "Sorry I''m late," Miyasoto bowed slightly. "I lost track of time. I''m Miyasoto Kimiko."


    "Nagase Kaito," I said.


    "Higoshi Saki." Saki gave a wave. "I prefer Saki, though."


    Miyasoto nodded and slid into the booth next to Saki. "Nice to meet you all." She looked at Hiromasa in the seat across from her.


    I nudged him with my elbow.


    "Oh, uh." He rubbed the back of his neck and grinned. "Hi, Miyasoto. It¡¯s nice to see you outside of school."


    She smiled. "Thanks. You too.¡±


    "Can I eat now?" Saki asked.


    I sighed. "Really?"


    "What?" Saki grabbed a few plates off the belt as they came by. "You told me to wait. I did."


    I shook my head. "Don''t mind her Miyasoto."


    She giggled. "It''s alright, really. I''m sorry I kept you waiting."


    Saki merely gave her a thumbs up, since her mouth was too full to talk.


    "What do you want, Hiromasa?" I asked. "Rolled omelet?"


    He nodded. "Although, Saki already has one." He reached for it.


    Saki growled as soon as his fingers touched her plate.


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    He jerked them back. "Or, I could keep my fingers, I guess."


    Miyasoto laughed. "Pretty possessive, huh?"


    "Yeah." I grabbed some dishes off the belt and put it in the middle of the table. "We''re still working on table manners."


    We continued to eat in silence for a while. I don''t think I''d have had a problem making conversation with Miyasoto, but I didn''t want to be the one to do it.


    After a while, I nudged Hiromasa with my foot. He looked over at me with a confused look on his face. I titled my head in Miyasoto''s direction.


    "What?" He mouthed at me silently.


    I made sure she wasn''t watching and jerked my head in her direction.


    He shrugged and shook his head.


    "Talk to her," I mouthed slowly.


    He still looked baffled.


    "Oh my God," Saki said "Talk to her."


    Miyasoto looked up and laughed nervously.


    I sighed. "I was trying to be subtle about it."


    "It''s not my fault he''s an idiot." Saki pointed her chopsticks in Hiromasa''s direction.


    He scowled at her and turned back to Miyasoto. "So, you said you like sushi bars, right? What''s your favorite?"


    She smiled. "Eel. I really love the texture and the sweet sauce they put on it."


    Hiromasa nodded. "That sauce is pretty good." He paused. "I''ve always wondered why eels are so mean. They are always snapping when you see them at the aquarium."


    "Actually, they aren''t snapping at all," Miyasoto said. "That''s just how they breathe."


    "Really?" Hiromasa said, sounding genuinely impressed.


    Miyasoto nodded eagerly. "And did you know young eels are called elvers?"


    She went on to impress Hiromasa with several more facts about eels, and then they moved on to some facts about fish in general. Turns out, Miyasoto was pretty brainy. They started to look pretty natural together and I almost felt bad that Saki and I were there at all, but I guess maybe having a little encouragement to start out with was for the best.


    I turned my attention back to Saki while they talked. She was still grabbing plates off the belt without any signs of slowing down.


    "If you keep that up, you won''t have any room for your strawberry cake roll," I said.


    She pushed air through her teeth. "Like that would ever happen."


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess not." I reached for one of her uneaten plates of fish roe sushi.


    "Trying to get bitten?" She grinned.


    I smirked. "Careful. I''ll..."


    I''ll what? Bite back? I caught myself doing that sometimes- almost falling back into my old patterns. It felt natural to flirt with her the way I used to. I forgot myself occasionally.


    I retracted my hand. "I''ll wait for another one."


    She smiled and pushed the plate towards me. "You''re trying too hard."


    Ah, so she''d noticed? I guess that was inevitable, not that it ever stopped her from baiting me. Maybe she just liked messing with me, or maybe teasing just came too easily to her and she simply couldn''t turn it off.


    "Thanks." I picked up a piece of sushi with my chopsticks and popped it in my mouth.


    Saki sat back and patted her stomach. "Maybe I am getting full after all."


    "Too full for cake?" I plopped the other piece of sushi in my mouth.


    She chuckled. "You''d like that, wouldn''t you?"


    "Not at all." I shook my head. "I love buying you food. It''s the only thing you actually let me buy you."


    "Really?" She sighed and started to pout. "And I was just about to ask for that phone."


    I rolled my eyes. "You''re so full of it."


    She laughed and grabbed one last plate off the belt.


    "Getting a second wind?" I asked.


    Saki shook her head and pushed the plate of eel sushi towards Miyasoto.


    Miyasoto stopped her conversation with Hiromasa and looked at the plate, then at Saki. "For me?"


    Saki nodded. "You said it was your favorite, right?"


    A big smile spread over Miyasoto''s face. "Thank you."


    "Don''t mention it," Saki said.


    Hiromasa and Miyasoto went back to their conversation.


    Saki caught my eyes and scowled. "What the hell are you smiling at?"


    "Nothing," I said. "Were you watching for it the whole time?"


    She folded her arms and shrugged, looking away from me. "Not really. I just happen to see it."


    Somehow I wasn''t entirely convinced.


    We wrapped things up at the sushi bar and all went our respective ways home. Hiromasa and Saki took different trains than me and Miyasoto, so pretty soon it was just the two of us standing on the platform.


    "Hey, Miyasoto," I said, after some time had passed.


    She looked over at me. "Hm?"


    I turned to face her. "I know we just met and I have no right to ask you any favors, but I''m going to anyway, because if I don''t I''ll regret it."


    She nodded and her face turned serious.


    I bowed. "Please try and be friends with Saki. I know she''s a little rough around the edges, but she seems to like you and I think it would be good for her."


    She laughed. "You were so serious. I thought it was going to be something crazy."


    I stood up and rubbed the back of my head. "Well, I thought it might come off as a little odd."


    She shrugged. "Well, to be honest, I was going to try anyway. Hiromasa said she doesn''t hang out with anyone but the two of you. And a girl needs other girls to talk to, you know?"


    I smiled and nodded. "I agree. Thanks, Miyasoto."


    And just like that, Saki and Miyasoto started hanging out together. Sometimes we all got together as a group, but occasionally just Miyasoto and Saki would do something by themselves. This made Hiromasa extremely jealous because he felt like he was missing out. Personally, I couldn''t have been happier. I wanted to be the best friend I could to Saki, but I think even with my best efforts, my emotions sometimes interfered with that. Better to leave it to someone who wasn''t in love with her.


    Sometimes my curiosity got the better of me and I''d ask Miyasoto what they talked about, to which she always replied, "Girl talk." That answer always drove me insane. She always said it with a smile too, which led me to believe that it couldn''t be anything too heavy, but who knows what girls talk about behind closed doors? I guess it really didn''t matter. If Saki could''ve opened up to anyone, I think it would''ve made her feel better. In the end, she needed help. It didn''t really matter how or from whom.


    Hiromasa and Miyasoto started texting pretty regularly. I could always tell when it was her. He''d get this huge smile over his face and start typing away. I was glad. I thought Miyasoto made a much better match for him than Saki. Although, admittedly, my opinion on the matter was pretty biased.


    He told me he was going to ask her out over summer vacation. I sincerely hoped she''d say yes. I suspected his chances were pretty decent, which was good, because I don''t know what he''d do if two girls turned him down. He''s a pretty resilient guy and he gets over stuff quickly, but he''s not made of stone.


    Before long, we''d said goodbye to the first term. The year seemed to be moving at a breakneck speed. An invisible clock ticked somewhere in the back of my head. What was I going to do about Saki''s mother? Was there even anything I could do except make Saki''s life better outside of her home? Saki had said, "If I can make it until graduation, she and I might stand a chance." If. Did that mean that there was a chance she wouldn''t, and the monster would win?

 Chapter 23- Stone Skin

    Less than a week after summer break started, Saki barged into my room and shoved a restaurant flier in my face. Her visits were sort of random that way. Since she had a key to my house and no phone, she just sort of showed up whenever she wanted. I didn''t really mind. I was always happy to see her.


    I pulled myself up from the slumped position I was sitting in and took the flyer. "Hi, Saki."


    "Hey." She crawled onto the bed next to me and leaned her back against the wall.


    "The Weeping Willow." I studied the flier promoting the restaurant''s new specials and extended summer hours. The information was surrounded by an interwoven vine style boarder and a weeping willow tree at the top. "You want to go here?"


    "No, idiot." She taped the bottom of the paper where it said they were hiring seasonal employees.


    "You want a job here?" I looked over the flier again, thinking I''d missed something. "Doing what?"


    "Waitressing, probably," she said.


    I bust out laughing. "You want to get a job as a waitress?"


    Her face turned sour. "What''s wrong with that?"


    "I suppose you plan to win them over with your fantastic charm and cheery personality?" I almost started laughing again.


    She snatched the flier out of my hand. "I can fake it pretty well sometimes."


    "For a whole shift?" I asked.


    She let out an irritated sigh and slid off the bed. "Fine. I''ll go without you."


    "Wait." I shot forward and grabbed her arm as she tried to walk off. "I''m sorry. I was just teasing. I''ll get a summer job with you, if that''s what you want."


    She stared at me for a minute, as if weighing her options. "You owe me spicy potato chips."


    I smiled and released her arm. "Of course." I sat back and patted the bed next to me.


    She returned to her seat. "They have a position open for a part time cook, too, you know?"


    "I don''t know if I''m good enough to do anything like that," I said.


    "You are," she said. "And it would be selfish of me to keep you my private chef forever."


    I smiled. "Thanks. I''ll try for it then. Why the sudden need for money anyway? Something you want?"


    "It''s to save for later," she said. "I need a little something for when I move."


    "Move?" I asked, my voice rising. "What? When? Why?"


    She laughed. "Calm down. No need to panic. I mean, after we graduate and I move away from here."


    My pulse quickened.


    Was she serious? This was some sort of sick joke, right? Move away?


    It never really occurred to me that she''d go anywhere. I thought things would stay pretty much the same after high school. Since neither of us had any aim for higher education, we''d both get jobs we''d hate and get together after work and on days off to complain about how crappy it was. I couldn''t picture a future without her in it.


    "Where would you go?" I heard my own voice tremble.


    She smiled and shook her head. "Stop worrying. I won''t go very far. We''d still see each other." She nudged me with her shoulder playfully. "I couldn''t leave my wife behind."


    I exhaled deeply and lay my head back against the wall with my eyes closed. My heartbeat started to slow.


    "That joke still isn''t funny." I opened one eye and looked at her. "You mean that, right? We''ll still see each other?"


    She nodded. "I couldn''t go too far. Who would cook for me and do my laundry?"


    "Don''t scare me like that," I said. "I nearly had a heart attack. Why do you have to move away at all? It isn''t enough to just move out?"


    Her face softened into the gentle Saki she let me see sometimes and she shook her head. "I have to get just far enough away to be free of her pull, or else I''ll just feel guilty and go back."


    "Your mother?" I asked.


    She nodded. "Our relationship is complicated. She pushes me away because of what I did, but she will also cling to me because I''m all she has left. We aren''t good for each other. I think we need to heal apart. That''s why I have to go."


    I pressed my hands into the bed to fight my impulse to reach out and hold her. To beg her to tell me everything. To promise her I would make all of her pain go away. Why did I always have to feel so useless?


    I would just have to try harder.


    The next day, Saki and I went to The Weeping Willow to apply. To be honest, the name sounded kind of dreary to me, but the inside was brightly lit and plenty busy. The owner had even placed several weeping willow bonsai trees around the restaurant. I guess he''d really taken the name to heart.


    I''d never had a job before, or a job interview for that matter, so I wasn''t really sure what to expect.


    The manager, who was a balding man in his late fifties by the name of Yoshitaka, seemed like a pretty nice guy. The questions all seemed pretty basic. The hardest part of my interview was when Yoshitaka asked me to cook him ginger pork. It''s a pretty easy thing to make, but I was still a little nervous. The only people I had cooked for before were Saki and Hiromasa.


    When I was done, Yoshitaka and the two chefs, Iwamoto and Kuroda, all said they enjoyed it. Kuroda even said I had natural talent. I''m not sure if he was just being nice or not, but I got the job. Saki got her waitressing job as well, along with two other high school girls.


    Saki and I worked almost every day over the summer. I was surprised how much I actually enjoyed it. I always thought when I got a job the best part of my day was going to be dreaming up creative ways to kill myself around the office to escape the boredom, but this wasn''t like that at all. It was certainly cramped and hot back there in that kitchen, but I really loved it anyway. I already enjoyed cooking to start with, so it didn''t really feel like a job at all. Plus, Iwamoto and Kuroda were both really nice guys. Iwamoto was a lean soft spoken man and Kuroda was the exact opposite, big and boisterous. Even so, they worked really well together, and since I was mostly self-taught, they really helped me improve a lot.


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    I was even more surprised by how well Saki did as a waitress. Getting to see her all the time over the summer was by far the best part of working there. She was polite and professional, and even seemed cheerful most of the time. She was pretty quiet around the other waitresses, but she was getting along with them just fine. I hadn''t seen her like that since we were thirteen. I really hoped the whole thing wasn''t just an act and that maybe around a new group of people she was lowering her guard just a little, shedding some of her stone skin.


    One day while we were at work, I''d just passed her a plate through the window, when Kuroda came up behind me.


    "Man," he said after she left. "It must be nice to work with your girlfriend every day." He put his hands on his waist and stretched out his back. "Ah, to be young again. You''re both really hard workers, too."


    I rubbed the back of my head. "Well, thanks, but we aren''t actually dating. We''re just friends."


    "Really?" He laughed. "I just assumed you were since you always take your breaks together and you seem to get along so well. I just sort of got that vibe."


    I couldn''t believe it was still that blatantly obvious I liked her when I was trying my hardest. I was going out of my way not to sit or stand too close. I wasn''t flirting with her. I didn''t even tell her how cute I thought she looked with her hair pulled back wearing dress clothes and a half apron. Maybe I would have been better off just getting, "Not Saki''s boyfriend" tattooed on my forehead. Think of all the time I could have saved.


    Before I knew it, it was near the end of our summer vacation. There was less than a week between us and the second term. Saki and I were taking our break out back, leaning against the brick wall of the restaurant in the small bit of shade it provided from the waning summer sun. It probably would have been cooler inside, but Saki liked to spend time outside when she could. At least the cold soda bottles we had made the heat a little bit more tolerable.


    "Do you think you saved up enough money?" I asked, and took a sip from my bottle.


    She nodded. "I think I should be alright. I only needed enough to get me going after all."


    "You know if you need any more, I''d be happy to-"


    She put her hand up and cut me off. "You know I''m not going to accept, so I don''t know why you''re bothering."


    I sighed and leaned my head back against the bricks. "I figured, but I had to ask."


    "You look like you sweated a lot again today," she said.


    "Yeah." I took another drink and wiped my forehead with my sleeve. "It gets pretty hot back there."


    "You know, you could sit inside," she said.


    "You know I won''t do that, so I don''t know why you''re bothering." I threw her words back at her smiling.


    She sighed. "Honestly, you can be so stubborn sometimes."


    She scooted closer to me and pressed her cool soda bottle against my neck. I looked over at her and met her eyes. I should have moved away, but God did she make it so hard sometimes. My gaze started to linger on things it shouldn''t- her collar bone, neck, lips.


    I looked down and pushed the bottle away gently. "I feel better now. Thanks."


    "Sure." She stepped away and took a drink from the bottle.


    My phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Hiromasa asking where we were. I typed a response and put the phone away.


    "Who was that?" Saki asked.


    "Hiromasa." I finished off my soda. "He wanted to know where we were for some reason."


    "What could he possibly want?" she asked. "He knows we''re at work."


    A few minutes later, the sound of someone yelling in the distance got our attention. We both stared down the sidewalk at the approaching figure who was screaming something and waving his hands.


    "Is that Hiromasa?" Saki asked.


    "Yeah, I think it is." I squinted. "What is he saying?"


    "No idea," Saki said. "I think the heat made him crazy."


    "She said yes!" Hiromasa yelled, running towards us.


    "Who said what?" Saki asked.


    Hiromasa ran into me full speed wrapping his arms around me. I stumbled backwards and nearly fell over.


    "She said yes," he repeated.


    "That''s great, buddy." I patted his head. "Can you let go now? People are staring. I do still work here."


    He let go, but still seemed to practically vibrate with energy. "She said yes." He grinned.


    "Congratulations." I gripped his shoulder.


    "Aw. Our little Hiromasa is growing up." Saki dug her fingers into his hair and gave his head a shake.


    "Hey. Woah." Hiromasa pulled away and put his hands up like he was going to start doing some sort of martial arts. "You can''t do that anymore. I''m spoken for."


    Saki just laughed. "Sure. Sure."


    Hiromasa''s joy suddenly faded and he looked down.


    "What''s wrong?" I asked.


    "I wanted to ask you..." He scraped the pavement with his shoe. "I don''t really know...What do I do now?" He looked up at me.


    "Huh?" I cocked my head. "What do you mean what do you do?"


    "I mean..." He glanced over at Saki and gestured at me to come closer.


    I leaned my head towards him and he put his hand up to hide his face. "I mean. I don''t know what to do now with Miyasoto."


    "Dates," Saki said. "You go on dates now."


    He pulled away from me looking mortified. "How did you hear me?"


    She sighed. "Because you aren''t quiet at all, you idiot."


    "She''s right, though." I nodded in Saki''s direction. "You just hang out and go places together."


    "Right." He nodded. "Dates. I can do that. Sure." He started breathing heavily. "Help me." He put his palms together.


    I smiled and shook my head. "Alright. Calm down. It doesn''t have to be anything crazy. You can just take her to the movies or out to eat, you know?"


    He started blushing. "Just the two of us? That''s so intimate."


    "You''re hopeless." Saki pinched the bridge of her nose.


    "What does she like?" I asked. "What kind of stuff is she into?"


    "She''s really smart and likes to learn new stuff," Hiromasa said.


    "Maybe a museum, then?" I offered.


    "What if she''s been to all the ones around here?" Hiromasa asked.


    I sighed and hung my head. "You''re making this more difficult than it has to be."


    "Hold on." Hiromasa pulled his phone out of his pocket to check. "She''s been talking about going to a summer festival."


    "There you go," I said. "Take her to that."


    "Alone?" he whimpered.


    "Well, it is a date," I said. "People usually want to be alone with each other. You can do this."


    He looked worried.


    "You''ll get to see Miyasoto in a yukata," I said, hoping to give him a little push.


    His face brightened a little and he nodded. "Yeah, I can do this. No problem." He started to chew on his fingers.


    "Alright. Alright." I put my hands up. "What if Saki and I go with you to begin with? We''ll split apart after a while when you feel comfortable."


    He let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Thanks. That would be great."


    "How the hell did I get dragged into this?" Saki glared at me.


    "Come on, Saki," I said. "If you don''t go, it''ll be even weirder."


    "How is that my problem?" she asked.


    "I''ll buy you a chicken skewer, some yakisoba, and a chocolate banana," I said.


    "Hmm." She tapped her cheek with her finger. "I want all that, plus grilled corn, shaved ice, and you have to win me a goldfish."


    I smiled. "A goldfish, huh? You''ve got a deal."


    "Are you going to wear a yukata too?" Hiromasa asked.


    She snorted. "As if I own one of those."


    "Miyasoto probably has one you can borrow," he said.


    "Forget it," she said. "That wasn''t part of the deal."


    Hiromasa started taping away at his phone anyway.


    A yukata, huh? My curiosity was peaked. I know I shouldn''t have been so interested. I was trying to be better after all, but how many more chances like this was I going to get? But I couldn''t think of anything else to bargain with. I could have bought the whole festival and I probably wouldn''t have gotten anywhere.


    Hiromasa held up his phone with the screen facing Saki. Miyasoto was in full view.


    "Hi, Saki," Miyasoto said.


    "Uh, hey?" Saki waved.


    "Won''t you wear a yukata with me? Please?" Miyasoto elongated the word and folded her hands together while giving the cutest looking puppy dog eyes I''ve ever seen.


    Saki''s face twitched and she finally let out a long sigh. "Fine."


    "Yay," Miyasoto cheered. "Thanks, Saki."


    Hiromasa pulled the phone back and waved at the screen. "Thanks, Miyasoto. Bye."


    "Bye-bye," she said.


    Miyasoto, my hero.


    "Whatever," Saki grumbled. "Come on, Kaito. We have to go back to work."


    I nodded and she turned to go back inside.


    I gripped Hiromasa''s shoulder. "This is why we''re best friends," I said softly.


    "Right?" He grinned.

 Chapter 24- Dying Light

    It was early afternoon on the last weekend of our summer vacation. Hiromasa and I had just gotten off at the station nearest Miyasoto''s place and were making our way down the neighborhood sidewalk towards her apartment. The plan was to pick up the girls there and then continue the rest of the way to the festival. Hiromasa seemed kind of anxious, but excited at the same time.


    "Listen," I said while we walked. "At the end of the festival, when we''re watching the fireworks, you should hold Miyasoto''s hand."


    "Wh-what?" he stammered. "Where is this coming from?"


    I sighed. "Just do it."


    He rubbed the back of his head and looked at the ground. "What if she doesn''t want me to?"


    "Of course she does. Don''t overthink it. Just reach over and take her hand. Where did all this nervousness come from again, anyway? You were getting really assertive with Saki. Maybe you just need some whisky?" I smirked.


    He shook his head, continuing to look down. "When she turned me down, it sort of knocked my confidence down a few pegs, you know?" He looked up at me and chuckled. "No, I guess you wouldn''t."


    "I can''t say I''ve felt exactly what you''re feeling, but I can understand," I said. "I don''t think you should be worried, though. Miyasoto doesn''t strike me as someone who would agree to date anyone on a whim. She thought it through. Trust me. She wants to hold your hand."


    He stared at me for a moment before smiling and nodded firmly. "Alright. I''ll do it. Thanks, Kaito."


    I shook my head. "Don''t mention it."


    When we got to her apartment a few minutes later, Hiromasa started to knock, but his hand froze inches from the door.


    "What''s the matter?" I asked.


    "What if one of her parents answers it?" he asked, casting a nervous gaze at the door.


    "Then you introduce yourself." I shrugged.


    "How can you be so calm?" he asked. "I did not mentally prepare for this."


    "That''s alright. You''re better like this. No time to get nervous." I knocked on the door.


    Hiromasa squeaked. "What did you do that for?"


    I just grinned in response.


    He let out a sigh of relief when Miyasoto answered the door a few moments later. She was wearing a black yukata decorated generously with deep pink and purple flowers of varying sizes. Her obi was a lighter pink and embossed with flowers as well. She''d lightly curled her short hair and placed a purple bow on the side. Hiromasa stared at her wide eyed.


    "So pretty." His voice was barely audible.


    "What?" She tilted her head to the side.


    I jabbed him in the side with my elbow and he jumped.


    "Ah." He waved his hands out in front of him. "That is...I mean...You look really pretty." He blushed and looked to the side.


    She smiled and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, her face coloring a bit as well. "Thanks."


    There is something really adorable about young, innocent love. I was really happy for them, but I couldn''t help feeling just a little jealous. I quickly pushed the thoughts of self-pity from my mind. This was no time to be feeling sorry for myself. I got to spend the day with my friends, especially Saki. That was reason enough to be happy.


    "Hey, Saki," Miyasoto called into the apartment. "Come on already."


    Saki appeared behind Miyasoto with a lengthy sigh. Both girls stepped out into the hall and Miyasoto shut the door behind them.


    Miyasoto had certainly done her job well. For Saki, she had chosen a white yukata adorned sparsely with blue and red butterflies. A red obi with a floral design was wrapped around her waist. Miyasoto had even taken it the extra mile and done Saki''s hair by pinning most of it up in the back with several butterfly hairpins, leaving several strands free in the front to run down either side of her face.


    Miyasoto was cute, no question, but Saki was something else- beautiful.


    Saki glared at me when she caught my gaze. "What the hell are you staring at?"


    "You, obviously." I shrugged, unashamed. "You look really nice. It suits you."


    She clicked her tongue. "You can thank Kimiko. She did all the work."


    "You''re calling her by her first name?" Hiromasa asked, sounding crushed.


    Saki shrugged. "She said I could."


    Miyasoto giggled. "Well, it felt a little awkward calling you by your first name when you were using my last."


    "Oh," Hiromasa said, looking down.


    "You know..." Miyasoto fiddled with her own fingers. "You can call me Kimiko too, if you like. We are dating now, after all."


    "Really?" Hiromasa''s head jerked up.


    She smiled and nodded.


    He nodded. "Ok then, Kimiko."


    "Thanks, Hiromasa," she said.


    They both started blushing again.


    Saki made a disgusted noise and rolled her eyes. "Can we just go before the two of you make me vomit?"


    All of us continued our way to the festival together. Saki seemed slightly put off by the fact she was forced to walk slower due to the restraint of the yukata, but she didn''t voice her complaints. I can''t say I minded the pace. It gave me more time to stare. I probably shouldn''t have. I was trying to behave, but there is only so much a man can do.


    We finally arrived at the stone path lined with colorful booths and their large lettered signs. As expected, it was plenty busy.


    "So, what do you guys want to do first, or do you just want to walk around?" I asked.


    Saki pointed at a booth serving takoyaki. "That."


    I sighed. "I should have known it would have been food with you."


    Miyasoto shrugged. "Well, why not? Maybe it''ll give us some energy to walk around."


    Hiromasa nodded. "Food is always good with me."


    We went to the booth and got a container of takoyaki each. I stuck my wooden toothpick into one and took a bite. It had been a while since I''d had any. I forgot just how good little bits of octopus combined with batter could be when fried.


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    Saki had already eaten three of them, when she looked over at Hiromasa and smiled. "I bet I can eat more than you can."


    Hiromasa swallowed a mouthful and grinned. "You''re on."


    Saki and Hiromasa began wolfing down the takoyaki. Miyasoto stared at them, mouth slightly open.


    "First time seeing them in action, huh?" I asked.


    Miyasoto nodded, still staring. "Are they always like this?"


    "I''m afraid so." I leaned towards her. "But if anyone asks, we aren''t with them."


    "Agreed." Miyasoto nodded firmly.


    In the end, Saki beat Hiromasa''s carton and three quarters by her two full containers. You would have thought that might have slowed her down a little, but it didn''t. I still had to fulfill my end of the bargain as far as food went. She got everything she asked for and more. When Saki wasn''t ingesting ungodly amounts of food, we spent the rest of our time walking around admiring the booths selling little trinkets and colorful masks. Occasionally, we''d stop to play one of the games.


    Miyasoto surprised us all when she won at the gun shooting game, even if it was only a box of crackers. Hiromasa smiled the widest I''d even seen when he won Miyasoto a small panda figurine she''d pointed out at the ring toss game. It was really nice spending one last summer being a little bit childish before we embarked on that awkward journey into the world of real adulthood.


    I was enjoying myself so much I didn''t realize how much time had passed until it started to grow darker, and the booths, as well as the lanterns hanging above our heads, lit up one by one. We decided to visit one last booth before heading over to find a spot for the firework display. I still had one part of my deal to fulfill, goldfish catching. We each got a net and a small bowl to put our fish in.


    I knelt next to the tank and filled my bowl with water. "Alright, Saki, which one do you want?"


    She crouched next to me and examined the fish filled tank. "That one." She gestured to a fat orange and white one.


    I chuckled. "You would pick the biggest one."


    "Oh?" She said with a little taunt to her voice. "Afraid you can''t do it?"


    "Don''t you worry." I did a few exaggerated shoulder rolls. "I swear on my honor as a man I will get you that fish."


    She laughed and punched me playfully in the shoulder. "You''re an idiot."


    I don''t know if you''ve ever tried to catch a fish with a wet piece of paper as a net, but it''s not as easy as it sounds. It took me several tries, but eventually I did manage to nab the one she wanted. We got it put into a little plastic bag filled with water, then stepped away from the booth and back out into the crowd.


    I stretched out, a little stuff from crouching next to that tank for so long. "You guys want find a spot for fireworks?"


    Miyasoto nodded. "People do seem to be headed in that direction. It will probably start soon."


    We started to shuffle with the crowd towards the riverbank. I felt a jerk on my shirt and turned around to see Saki grasping the back of it.


    "Something wrong?" I asked.


    She let go of my shirt. "Come with me for a little while."


    "You don''t want to watch the fireworks?" I searched her face for a hint to her behavior. I wished I could read her as easy as she could read me.


    She shook her head. "I just want to be alone with you for a bit."


    How could I ever turn that down?


    "Hey, Hiromasa," I called with my hand cupped around my mouth.


    He and Miyasoto backtracked towards us.


    "What''s up?" he asked.


    "We''ll meet you after," I said. "I''ve got something I need to do."


    "Ok?" He said, sounding a little confused. "Later."


    "Don''t forget." I held up an open palm and pointed to it.


    He swallowed hard and nodded. They headed off towards the fireworks. Saki led me in the opposite direction. I''d planned to split apart from Hiromasa and Miyasoto during the fireworks anyway to give them some space. This worked just as well.


    Saki finally came to a stop, away from the booths and the groups of people, next to a slow moving spot in the river. Yellow lights from the buildings on the other side danced on the water''s dark surface. It was the same river you could see the fireworks from, but people usually went a lot further down to sit on the slope for the best view.


    "Not a big fan of fireworks?" I asked.


    "I actually like them just fine, but there is something I wanted to do." She knelt next to the water and untied the knot on the plastic bag that held her fish.


    "Planning on letting it go?" I asked. "I''m not sure how long it will live in there."


    She set the plastic bag on its side and squeezed it out into the river along with the fish. "At least it will die free. I always wanted one, but I can''t keep it at my house."


    I felt a knot grow in my throat. Why had she suddenly gotten so sad? We were having so much fun before, weren''t we?


    The whistle of fireworks started. I could still make a few of them out, even if they were partially covered by low hanging trees. Not that it mattered. It wasn''t them I was looking at.


    "Kaito." She stood up and smiled. "Thanks for today. I had a really good time."


    It made me tremble to stand there and watch her with that sad smile on her face, those brief bursts of colored lights blooming and then withering away just as quickly in the sky behind her. I clenched my fists and resisted my every muscle urging me forward to embrace her. Why couldn''t I make her happy? Why couldn''t I save her?


    I would just have to try harder.


    We all met up again after the fireworks and decided it was a good a time as any to head home. We''d seen all there was to see anyway. Saki had put her stone skin back on, and any hint of sadness was gone in an instant. My moods weren''t so easily changed, so I was quiet most of the way back to Miyasoto''s apartment. I told Saki we could wait until she changed and walk together, but she denied my offer. After an awkward goodbye between Hiromasa and Miyasoto, Hiromasa and I started our walk towards the train station.


    "You alright?" Hiromasa asked, studying me with a concerned look. "Something happen?"


    I shook my head and forced a smile. "Sorry. Just thinking. How about you?" I nudged him, grinning. "Something happen?"


    He blushed and put his hands over his face. "I screwed it all up. I was getting so worked up thinking about it, so I finally just reached out and grabbed her hand so suddenly and my palms were so sweaty because I was nervous." His eyes peeked out from behind his fingers. "She''s going to think I''m gross now, isn''t she?"


    I whistled. "Wow. Sweaty palms, huh?¡± I shrugged. "Yeah, "I''m not sure how you can recover from that. It''s all over."


    He stopped dead in his tracks. "Really?"


    I couldn''t do it anymore. That desperate look on his face made me crack up.


    "It''s fine." I laughed some more. "It''s totally fine. Did she squeeze back?"


    He nodded. "Yeah."


    I shrugged. "Then you''re golden."


    "You are such an asshole," he said, separating his every word with a punch to my shoulder.


    "Sorry." I put my hands up. "I couldn''t resist teasing you a little."


    He glared. "You''re going to have to make it up to me by telling me where the heck to take her now."


    I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and we started our walk again. "Don''t worry, buddy. We''ll think of something."


    The second school term started, which meant Saki and I were done working for the time being. The manager told me he was sorry to see me go, and he even offered me a full time position after I graduated. I fully intended to take him up on that. I mean, what did I have to lose? It wasn''t very likely I was going to find a job I enjoyed more than cooking anyway.


    Soon after school started, my mother returned home without my father. She told me his job ran over and she wasn''t sure when he''d be home. Honestly, I preferred it that way. I was going to have to talk to them about my plans for becoming a cook, and I would much rather talk to my mother one on one.


    Still, that didn''t mean the conversation was going to be easy. I hadn''t really discussed my future with them at all. They nagged me about choosing a path and working hard, but that''s as far as the conversation ever went. I hadn''t even bothered to tell them I didn''t plan on going to college. I just didn''t feel the need to bother with it until I had to. It seemed like a lot of hassle with no benefit. It''s not like they were going to convince me otherwise.


    It''s for that reason that I paced around outside the living room the day after she arrived, trying to put my words in order. I peered into the room for the hundredth time. She was sitting at the same spot on the couch, reading the same book she had been the last ninety nine times I''d checked. I took a deep breath and walked into the room.


    "Mom," I said, stepping in front of her.


    The words felt awkward on my tongue, sounded foreign to my ears. I would call her that occasionally on the phone, but when was the last time I had addressed her so casually in person?


    She looked up from her book, clearly as thrown off as I was. "Yes?"


    I sat down next to her. "Listen. I''ve been offered a cooking job after I graduate and I think I''m going to take it. I worked there over the summer and I really enjoyed it. I think it would be a really good fit for me, more than any other job."


    I didn''t realize I''d been rushing until I stopped talking and felt slightly out of breath. She smiled at me. It was an honest smile with real joy behind it. I didn''t even know she knew how to do that.


    "You''re happy?" I asked.


    "Well, I can''t say I''m thrilled about your decision to not further your education." She shut her book and turned to face me. "But I am glad that you chose something that you think you''ll enjoy. Most people work for money and don''t really enjoy it at all. It''s rare to actually want to get up every day and do your job. That''s not something you should pass up."


    I couldn''t really believe she was taking it so well. I don''t think I would have done anything different even if she had said otherwise, but it made me feel so much lighter knowing she didn''t object, that she wasn''t going to silently judge me while standing on the sidelines. I''d grown so accustomed to things working that way.


    "What do you think father will say?" I picked at the couch.


    "You can leave him to me," she said. "I''m sure he won''t be happy, but I can probably calm him down a little."


    I couldn''t believe this was the same woman who had been my mother my entire life. We hadn''t talked like this since I was a child. We had drifted so far apart she almost felt like a stranger to me, but this talk gave me a little bit of hope. It''s not as though she would become a nurturing mother overnight. That ship had sailed long ago, but maybe the next time I talked to her about something it wouldn''t be as difficult. It was definitely a step in the right direction.

 Chapter 25- Old Wounds

    Summer bled into autumn. The second term seemed to pass us by in a flash. Hiromasa really buckled down and started studying for college entrance exams. Any free time he did have was usually spent with Miyasoto. Saki also spent a good deal of her time with Miyasoto, which left me feeling sort of lonely. It''s not that I didn''t see her at all, but it wasn''t as much as it had been, and I guess I can get kind of clingy. I was happy her friendship with Miyasoto was going so well, but I''d be lying if I said I didn''t love the days she chose to hang out with me instead.


    Winter break started and a gnawing anxiety I had been only vaguely aware of started making its way into the forefront of my mind. There was only one term left before graduation. Had I accomplished anything? Saki certainly seemed happier with her new friend. Her mood seemed elevated overall, but was that really progress? She still came to sleep at my house, which meant that her mother was still causing problems. It''s not that I thought my actions would have an effect on her home life, but I wanted to help more.


    Not including our encounter when we were thirteen, I had known Saki for almost two years. I had very little information to show for that time. What happened in Saki''s life when she was younger to push her towards suicide? Why did her father leave? What destroyed her mother? The ends all had to meet somewhere.


    Was I saving her?


    Was the monster losing or winning?


    It was the night of Christmas Eve. Hiromasa and Miyasoto were obviously going out alone together. He had managed to book a table at a pretty fancy restaurant and even got all dressed up. I have to admit, he cleans up pretty nice. Although they had been going out on dates alone for a while now, they hadn''t done anything quite this formal, so he still seemed pretty nervous. I tried to calm him down the best I could, but ultimately we just had to hope those armpit stains wouldn''t soak through his jacket.


    I was sitting on my bed watching TV, just like I always was, when Saki walked in with a bag in her hand.


    "Hey," she said, sitting down next to me in her usual spot.


    "Hi." I smiled. "Merry Christmas."


    "Merry Christmas," she replied.


    I picked up the small wrapped box that was sitting next to me and handed it to her. I''d been waiting all day to give it to her.


    She sighed and took it. "Really? We''re doing this again?"


    I nodded. "It is customary to give a different gift every year."


    "Smartass." She carefully unwrapped the box. "What makes you think I''ll accept it?"


    I grinned. "Well, I did get you to keep the one last year."


    She glared at me for a moment before opening the flap on the top of the box and removing some tissue paper. She pulled out a mug that looked like a strawberry with a green handle and started laughing.


    "This is adorable." She turned the mug around, examining it. "You''re really good at gift giving. Thanks."


    At least it was going better than last year. Maybe I could start testing my luck with birthdays.


    I nodded. "Think of it as an early house warming gift."


    "Do you mind if I keep it here for now?" she asked, finally looking away from the mug. "I don''t want anything to happen to it."


    I smiled. "Of course."


    The fish. The mug. Just how bad did her mother get?


    "I figured you might try something like this." She reached into the bag she''d brought in and handed me an unwrapped black, rectangular box.


    I stared at the box in my hands bewildered. This was not part of my plan. "I didn''t mean for you to get me anything."


    She shrugged. "Yeah, well, I wanted to."


    I opened the lid. It was a chef''s knife. A pretty nice looking one too.


    "Take it back." I shoved the box at her, but she pulled her hands away.


    "That''s not how gift giving works," she said in a mocking voice.


    "What the hell, Saki?" I pulled the box back and stared at the knife. "I would have gotten you something nicer. I didn''t think you''d accept it."


    She chuckled. "I probably wouldn''t have. Just be happy, alright? I didn''t even give you anything last year. Plus, this knife is more for me than it is for you."


    "How so?" I picked the knife up and tested the weight in my hand. I was really going to have to up my game next year.


    "Because I''m going to make you use it to cook me all kinds of good stuff." She grinned.


    I smiled and nodded. "Anything you want. We can start tonight. What do you feel like?"


    "Hm." She tapped her chin with her finger. "A tempting offer, but I was thinking we could just grab something quick while we''re out."


    "We''re going out?" I put the knife back in the box.


    "Yep." She hopped up and spun around to face me. "I haven''t been out to see the Christmas lights in years. So, how about it? Be my date?" She grinned and winked at me.


    I knew she was just teasing, but it made my heart skip a beat anyway. I''m too easy.


    "Of course." I smiled so big it made my face hurt.


    We got bundled up in our coats and put on shoes. Saki still had the scarf I''d given her last year, which made me smile for probably the fifth time that night and we hadn''t even left the house yet.


    The air pricked at my face the minute we stepped outside. You could almost smell the cold.


    We decided to start our light tour downtown, which was a good a place as any. Pale blue lights clung to the bare branches of the trees that lined the busy street. As we continued on to the pedestrian mall, it grew even more crowded. There were lots of couples out and about. It was the most romantic night of the year, after all. I was forced to walk closer to Saki so we wouldn''t lose each other. I relished the excuse.


    Long arches, in the shape of snowflakes, hung over the walkway of the mall connecting the buildings on either side with bright white light. Nearly every shop window we passed was decorated with lights. Saki seemed to marvel at it all, like she had never seen Christmas lights before. It was pretty fun to watch her.


    When we came to the end of the mall, I spied a small pink crepe shop with several busy people hustling around inside.


    "Hey, Saki," I said turning to her. "You hungry yet?"


    She laughed. "Are you seriously asking me that question?"


    I chuckled. "Yeah, I guess that was dumb. Come on." I jerked my head towards the crepe shop.


    The wait in line took a while, but when I took a bite of that light, pillowy crepe filled with cream, topped with bananas and caramel, it was all worth it. Saki chose chocolate and strawberry for her topping, obviously. We ate while we made our way to the park, the next destination on our light tour.


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    "How is it?" I asked.


    "Good. Want some?" She held the crepe in front of my face.


    I took a bite. "That is good." I held out mine.


    She chomped down on it.


    "Jeeze," I said, feigning anger. "I meant have a bite, not eat a third of it."


    She just smiled and continued to chew.


    When we arrived at the park, we followed the winding path through the trees and bushes that were blanketed in different colored lights. The path eventually led through a large tunnel decorated with thousands of tiny blinking lights. It was almost like walking through stars. I let myself drift closer to Saki.


    The final stop on our walk was the large Christmas tree in the middle of a plaza downtown. Nearly every inch was covered in lights that gave off a warm glow, looking almost golden. Crimson ornaments filled the areas without light, and the whole thing was topped off with a huge bright star that towered above our heads. Saki looked up at the tree with a giant smile on her face, which was pretty infectious.


    As I was looking at her, wondering what it would take to get her smiling like that all the time, I felt something cold and wet hit my nose. Snow? I cast my eyes upwards to see millions of soft white flakes falling from the darkness. A few people in the crowd let out joyful gasps and pointed to the sky. It didn''t snow here very often, and when it did it usually didn''t last too long. So, when it happened, people tended to get excited, especially if it happened on Christmas.


    Saki closed her eyes and stuck out her tongue like a little kid. She caught a snowflake on it and then looked over at me with a grin. My heart fluttered. I wanted to kiss her so badly in that moment. What would she do if I told her I loved her right then? Would she laugh in my face? Would her smile fade and her sad eyes return? Or maybe, would she accept my feelings and keep smiling?


    I opened my mouth to speak.


    "Kaito, is that you?"


    Those words made my blood freeze. I''d recognize that voice anywhere. Izumo Yokota, my very first girlfriend, if you could call her that at all.


    She''d let her hair grow out a little bit. It was past her shoulders now. She was wearing a very short and very tight red dress under her coat. It probably looked really good on her. She was still very pretty, with her high cheek bones and liberal application of makeup. I used to think she was the prettiest girl I''d ever seen, but now, not so much. I had a new definition of the word.


    "Hey, Izumo." I waved awkwardly.


    She giggled. "Oh, come on, don''t be like that. You used to call me Yokota."


    "Uh, yeah, sorry." I rubbed the back of my head.


    "You''re looking good," she said, stepping uncomfortably close to me. "You grew up a lot, huh?"


    "I have?" I asked.


    She nodded. "Mhm. You want to get a coffee somewhere and catch up?"


    "Actually, I''m really busy right now," I said.


    Yokota peered past me, as if she was just noticing Saki was there.


    She smirked. "Oh, I see. Well we should definitely catch up sometime. You still have my number?"


    I shook my head.


    What was she playing at, anyway? In the first place, why ask that in front of Saki? She wasn''t my date, not really, but Yokota couldn''t have known that. Secondly, I couldn''t believe for a second someone like Yokota had ever been single for more than a few days or weeks at a time, especially not dressed the way she was now. You don''t dress like that to go for a walk by yourself.


    And what was with the casual way of talking to me? Things had not ended well between us. Towards the end of our relationship, I''d finally seen her for what she was, but even so, I didn''t want to let her go. I didn''t want to admit the truth to myself. Yokota had slowly drifted away, contacting me less, making crappy excuses for reasons she couldn''t see me. When I finally found the courage to call her out on it, she''d laughed and told me exactly how it was- "I like to break boys in. I was only playing around from the begging, but I''m bored now. You didn''t think I actually cared about you, did you?"


    That sort of messed me up for a while. I''m not sure if I can blame the entirety of my failing relationships or emotional numbness on Yokota, but she was certainly a factor.


    My phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out. It was a text from Yokota. It said, "Call me." with a winking face on the end.


    "There you go," she purred. "Now you''ve got my number too."


    Why? Why had she kept my number all this time? Did all her toys just exist forever in that little black book of hers so that she could mess with them again whenever she wanted?


    "Oh, come on. What''s with that look?" Yokota cupped my face in her hand. "We used to have a lot of fun together, didn''t we?" She ran her finger down the side of my neck.


    Saki''s hand came up and smacked Yokota away by the wrist. She stepped between me and Yokota, forcing her to back up.


    "Who the hell do you think you are?" Yokota hissed.


    Saki folded her arms. "I''m his date, or hadn''t you noticed?"


    Yokota smirked and shrugged. "You''re so short and plain looking. I guess you must have of blended into the background."


    Saki scoffed. "That''s alright. This upright position must be jarring for you, since you spend most of your time on your back."


    "What did you say?" Yokota snarled and stepped towards Saki.


    "I called you a slut," Saki said flatly. "Is your hearing as bad as your sight?"


    All I could do was stare like an idiot. Yokota had a few inches on Saki, but Saki hadn''t stepped back at all, not that I expected her to. I didn''t think Yokota would be a pushover, but my money would be on Saki every time. I wasn''t really looking forward to breaking those two up. I wondered at what point I was obligated to do so. Would I be a bad person for letting Saki get a few hits in first?


    "You should be careful, little girl," Yokota said in a low voice. "I''ll knock you on your ass."


    "Try it then," Saki said, sounding completely unfazed. "I''ll even let you have the first hit."


    I guess that wasn''t the reaction Yokota was expecting, because she backed up a step.


    "What''s wrong?" Saki took a step towards her and spread her arms open. "Go ahead."


    Yokota clicked her tongue, turned on her heel, and walked away quickly.


    Saki snorted and turned around to face me. "I thought so. People like her are always all talk."


    "Saki, I..."


    "Yeah. Yeah." She grabbed my arm and started dragging me away from the crowd of onlookers. Their performance had turned a few heads. "Save the ''thank you'' for something worth thanking me for."


    She released my arm after we left the plaza, but we kept walking until we came to another small park. This one hadn''t put up any lights, so there was hardly anyone around. She finally stopped on a small wooden bridge and let out a deep breath. Despite the cold, I''d worked up a little bit of sweat following her at such a quick pace.


    She leaned back with her arms spread against the railing, staring at the sky, letting the snow melt into her skin and hair. I would have liked to encourage her to go home with me and get dry. I didn''t think to bring an umbrella, so we were both going to be soaked. I didn''t want her to get sick, but I think the gentle trickle of the water and near silent sound of snowfall calmed her, and to be honest, I really wasn''t in any hurry for the night to end.


    "I thought the snow falling on the water might be pretty," she said, still staring at the sky. "But it''s so dark. You can''t really see anything."


    "It''s true the lamps don''t provide much light," I said. "But I don''t have any complaints about the view."


    She laughed lightly and let her head fall to meet my gaze. "You''re a cheese ball."


    I shrugged. "You never know. Some women might find that endearing."


    "I think that''s true." She turned around to stare out into the dark. "Kaito, will you promise me something?"


    I smiled. "Anything you want."


    She turned her head to meet my eyes. "No matter how lonely you get, don''t call Izumo. You can do so much better than her."


    I don''t know what finally broke me, the year of denying myself, the romantic night, those nice words she said to me, maybe all of those things. I couldn''t hold it in anymore. I felt those familiar selfish urges creeping up under my skin, filling me up with want. My chest felt like it might explode if I didn''t give in.


    I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her, resting my cheek against the top of her head, giving into instant bliss.


    Damn. Is that all my resolve was made of? Less than a year and I''d already caved? When had I become so weak?


    "Getting kind of close today," Saki said softly.


    "Any complaints?" I whispered.


    "Not really." She relaxed in my arms. "I was freezing anyway."


    Her hair felt wet and cold against my face, but I didn''t care. I squeezed her tighter. I wasn''t going to stop now. What would be the point? I''d already committed the sin, so I was going to soak as much out of it as possible.


    I longed to prolong those minutes forever. We could stand there for eternity getting buried in snow. I suppose that might sound kind of morbid, but to me, it just sounded like the most serene thing in the world.


    Unfortunately, I cannot freeze time, so eventually we were forced to walk back to my house. We stood outside my front door. I had walked to close to her the whole way home and I was standing much too close to her now.


    "You know, you could just come in now, rather than sneaking in later," I said.


    I fought to keep my hands at my sides, to keep from pushing the wet strands of hair from her face and behind her ear. From letting my fingers trace the outline of her chin and gently tilt it up so that my lips might meet hers. It was a battle I was very quickly loosing.


    She smiled softly. "I don''t think I''ll come over tonight. It doesn''t seem like a good idea."


    I couldn''t even argue. I really wasn''t sure what I''d do if she came in. I wasn''t myself at all, or maybe the real problem was, I was more myself now than I had been the whole year.


    She left and I went to sleep feeling the worst I''d felt in a long time.


    At Miyasoto''s request, we all got together at her apartment for New Year''s Eve. We were going to watch the first sunrise of the year together for luck. I didn''t bother apologizing to Saki for Christmas. If you apologize for something, but keep doing it anyway, are you really sorry at all?


    Saki didn''t seem upset with me. She chatted normally with me, Hiromasa, and Miyasoto. I''d had time to recover my senses since my date with Saki and wasn''t planning on doing anything stupid, like making declarations of love. I was keeping my distance again, being good Kaito again.


    As it turns out, the roof of Miyasoto''s apartment had quite the view, so we didn''t even have to go anywhere to freeze our butts off just to watch the sunrise. It was true that Saki was talking to me and everyone else as she normally did, but something was still off. She seemed distant, like she was deep in thought about something. She was far away, just like she was the last year at the shrine. Was it a coincidence or was there something else to it? Was it simply because I''d done something stupid again?


    I watched her as the sun crept over the horizon and the rays of orange sunlight touched that sad look on her face. It killed me inside. What did I have to do to get that carefree smile of hers back?

 Chapter 26- Monster

    The final term started. No Saki. Not the first day. Not the second day. Not the third or the forth. I tried the abandoned apartment building that she was so fond of; No Saki. My anxiety worsened. I was missing something, something big, something pivotal.


    What was it about the start of the spring and winter terms that made Saki skip school every time? It is true that Saki missed quite a bit of school, but she had been getting increasingly better since we started hanging out.


    Last winter, I was sure it was because I had crossed a line and done something stupid by holding her. I had screwed up again, but this time I''d seen her after that. She wasn''t mad and she didn''t avoid me. For that matter, none of my behavior explained the spring term either.


    I could hardly concentrate on anything by the end of Thursday. When the first bell sounded on Friday and Saki wasn''t in her seat, I decided something had to be done. I was going to break the very first rule Saki had ever given me. I was going to go to her house.


    After home room ended, before the first period teacher had time to make it to the classroom, I got up to leave.


    Hiromasa grabbed my arm. "Where are you going?"


    "To find Saki," I said firmly.


    He released my arm, looking a little worried as he did. "Good luck."


    I went to Sayoko''s homeroom and knocked on the door. A bewildered looking girl, who I assume was the class rep, answered it.


    "I need to talk to Sayoko," I told her.


    She let out an aggravated sigh. "This isn''t lunch period, you know? Go back to class. If you want to talk to your girlfriend, come back later."


    She started to shut the door shut, but I caught it and pushed it back open.


    "What are you..." she started.


    "Listen," I said calmly. "I''m going to speak with Sayoko one way or another, so you can either bring her here or I can come in. What will it be?"


    The class rep stared at me in silent anger for a few moments before letting out another sigh. "Sayoko, your boyfriend is here."


    Sayoko came to the door looking understandably confused. "What are you doing here? Class is about to start."


    "I need Saki''s address," I said, not wasting any time.


    Sayoko nodded knowingly, her face softening. "So, it''s come to that, huh?"


    She went to the teacher''s podium, ripped a corner off a piece of paper, and returned to the door.


    "I obviously haven''t been to see her in a while." She held the paper against the door frame and started writing. "But I''m sure she still lives in the same place. Her mother wouldn''t want to leave." She handed me the paper.


    "Thanks." I took it and glanced at the address before putting it in my pocket.


    "Just be careful," Sayoko warned.


    "Of her mother?" I asked.


    "Of Saki," she said.


    I caught a train headed towards Saki''s stop, fidgeting and tapping my foot the entire way there, which earned me few stares from the other passengers, but I really didn''t care. The damn thing just wasn''t moving fast enough. I had to constantly remind myself that even though it felt like I was sitting still the train was faster than walking.


    As soon as I arrived, I hurriedly made my way off the train and onto the sidewalk. I pulled Sayoko''s note out a final time to make sure I''d read it right and then started walking hurriedly towards Saki''s apartment. There really wasn''t any guarantee she''d be there at all, but I had to try. If she wasn''t there, I was going to search until I found her, or until I passed out, whichever came first.


    I''m not sure why, but I suddenly felt this sinking feeling in my stomach. Maybe it was just the anxiety finally taking its full hold, or maybe it was the look Sayoko gave me before I left. For whatever reason, I started to run. I ran until my sides burned and my lungs felt like they might burst, and then I ran some more. I sprinted up the stairs to Saki''s apartment and I didn''t stop running until I was standing in front of her door.


    I stood staring ahead at the black apartment numbers. My heart was pounding from running. What was I going to say? Who was even going to answer the door? What was waiting inside? I swallowed hard and raised my hand to knock, but the sound of someone screaming inside made me freeze.


    "Don''t you dare sit there with that look on your face! You have no right to look that way! If it weren''t for you, he''d still be sitting right here." The yelling turned into sobbing. "Don''t touch me! Get away." Something smashed inside the apartment.


    I reached for the doorknob, but the door flew open, causing me to jump back.


    "I''m going out," the woman in the doorway hollered back into the apartment. "You had better not be here when I get back." She turned forward and her eyes fell on me. "Who the hell are you?"


    There was no doubt that this woman was Saki''s mother. I could pick out Saki''s facial features on her face, but they looked all wrong. Her eyes were red with large dark bags under them, sunken cheeks, lips that were horribly chapped. This was not brought on by mere age. No, this was clearly the result of many years spent in anguish.


    "I''m talking to you, you little shit," the woman spat.


    "No one." I put my head down and stepped back further. "I was just passing through."


    She clicked her tongue and let the door slam shut. I waited for her to descend the stairs before trying the door. It was unlocked. I let out a deep breath and stepped inside, letting the door slowly close behind me.


    The hair on the back of my neck stood up immediately. It was dark. There weren''t any lights on and the majority of natural light was being blocked out by thick curtains. I was standing in the living room that was filled with clutter. Dirty plates and take out containers littered the coffee table and the kitchen counter. I couldn''t quite place the smell. Old food? Mold?


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    I started to slowly make my way through the living room, my heart pounding in my ears. Something cracked under my foot, a broken plate. Was that the smashing sound from earlier?


    A scream made me jerk my head up and quicken my pace through the house. I stopped at a bedroom with the door ajar. The yelling continued, followed by a loud bang. I quietly slipped into the room, but remained by the doorway.


    Saki stood in the corner of the bare bones room with a bat above her head. She brought it down again and again onto a thick wooden dresser screaming all the while. Pieces of wood splintered from the dresser as she continued to hit it. Her wordless screams were so angry, tormented, primal. She went on for several minutes that way until her swings became weaker. She stepped back from the dresser hunched over and panting.


    Her vision darted to doorway, as if she''d just noticed I was there.


    "You," she growled.


    Any fire I saw in her eyes before was merely the flicker of a candle compared to the burning inferno I saw in them now. She dropped the bat and flew across the room, seizing me by the throat and pushing me painfully against the doorframe. My hands gripped her wrist as a reaction, but I didn''t attempt to pry her hand away. I found breathing difficult, but not impossible. She wasn''t squeezing as hard as she could have been.


    "I thought I told you never to come here," she said in a low voice that reeked of alcohol.


    "I''m sorry," I managed to choke out.


    Sorry I didn''t come sooner. Sorry I didn''t realize how bad it really was. Sorry I failed you. Sorry I couldn''t have been better. Sorry you had to live like this.


    Saki, I am so very sorry.


    She released my throat and stepped away from me. I coughed and took a few deep breaths while I rubbed my neck.


    ¡°Get out,¡± she said flatly.


    ¡°You know I can¡¯t do that now,¡± I said quietly. ¡°It¡¯s too far beyond that.¡±


    She hesitated for a minute before smirking. ¡°Fine. Let¡¯s get this over with.¡±


    I had no idea what she was talking about, but I followed her anyway. I felt detached from my own body, like I was watching myself in a dream. I''d known her mother and her life at home must have been terrible, but knowing and experiencing it firsthand are two very different things. It stunned me how ignorant and unprepared I was to see the horrors of her life up close.


    She led me to a small room at the end of a short hallway. I followed her in and stopped in the dead center. The room was immaculately kept, not a spot of dust in site. It was the complete opposite of the rest of the house. Against the back wall, there sat a small wooden cabinet. Inside, behind the candles and the incense, there was a portrait of a boy who looked only a couple of years younger than me. My heart sunk.


    "That''s my brother, Matsuo. He would have been twenty-two three days ago." She was leaning against the wall with her head down. Her hair hid her face as she spoke. "We used to be your picture perfect family, so close and loving it would make you vomit. It was my first day of middle school. Matsuo came to walk me home. I was so damn excited, bouncing around, talking his ear off about the mundane crap that happened that day. He was listening with that silent smile like he always did. I was stupid and wasn''t paying a bit of attention. I didn''t see the car coming at all. Matsuo sprang forward like the heroic big brother he was, pushing me out of the way and bam!" She smacked her hands together. "Just like that, I shattered that picture perfect family of mine."


    My legs trembled underneath me. Spring and winter- the day of his death and the day of his birth.


    Save you, Saki? How could I have ever hoped to accomplish something so impossible without knowing the first thing about you or your pain? I am so stupid and weak.


    "My father bailed less than a year later. He couldn''t stand what my mother had become. About a year after that is when you found me getting ready to throw myself in front of a train. So, now here we are, stuck in this house together, my broken mother and the monster that killed her son." She brought her head up. Her lips spread into a smile, into that dark, sinister smile- the monster''s smile. "Honestly, Kaito, you should have let me die."


    A terrible, piercing pain ripped through my chest and engulfed my body in agony. I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her with such force we both stumbled backwards.


    "Please, Saki, don''t ever say that again." My eyes started to burn and water. "I''d rather you stabbed me in the chest than wish something so terrible."


    Her arms came up slowly. She dug her fingers into the back of my shirt and buried her face in my chest. I cradled her head with my hand and squeezed her tighter.


    I''m not sure how long we stood in that wordless embrace. I wished for the words to comfort her, but none came. What could I possibly say? I''m here for you? Pathetic. It''ll be alright? Bullshit. It''s not your fault? Meaningless.


    Do you know how long it had been ingrained in her mind that she killed her brother? How long she had blamed herself? How long her mother had fed completely into that lie? No words could reach her now. I was at a complete loss for what to do, so I just kept on holding her.


    Finally, she pulled away from me, her eyes sad, but dry as a bone. Maybe she didn''t know how to cry anymore.


    "Thank you," she said softly.


    I nodded numbly.


    "You can go now." She turned to walk from the room.


    "Come with me," I said, my voice cracking.


    She glanced back at me and shook her head. "Not today. It''s fine. I just have to make it until graduation. It''s just a little longer."


    She tried to leave the room, but I rushed in front of her. "I don''t mean just for today. Come with me. Stay until graduation. You don''t have to live here...in this."


    She shook her head again and tried to slip past me.


    I thrust my hand against the doorframe, blocking her path. "I''m not leaving here without you. It doesn''t have to be my house, but it can''t be here. I won''t leave you here for another second."


    She shrunk back and stared at the ground.


    After a minute, she nodded. "Alright."


    She packed a few clothes, but she didn''t really need that much. Since she had been sleeping on and off at my house for so long, a lot of her stuff was already there. She wrote a note telling her mother that she was staying with a friend and left my number.


    "This is important," Saki said, placing the pen on the note to hold it in place. "She will call you and ask for me. She will sound sweet and convincing, but you can''t let me come back here." She locked eyes with me. "If I do, I won''t have the strength to leave again."


    I understood the severity in her voice, but it was entirely unnecessary. I would have done everything in my power to keep her from that hell.


    She didn''t say much after that, not on the train ride home, and not afterword, while we were sitting on my bed watching TV. I had offered her every comfort I could think of, a hot bath, anything she wanted to eat, I even said she could smash my whole room to bits if she wanted to. She refused all of those things, so we just sat quietly watching TV.


    We spent most of the day in near silence. She''d hardly eaten anything and barely moved at all. I sat still, but my mind was racing. I watched her sitting against the wall, her legs hugged into her chest. Why wouldn''t she scream, break things, call me an idiot? What could I do to help her? I didn''t know what to do when she went quiet.


    She turned her head looked at me. I''d seen that look once before. My heartbeat quickened. She slowly scooted closer and locked her lips with mine. I tried to keep still, not to let myself get carried away like last time, but that didn''t stop me from kissing her back.


    The kisses got deeper. I had to concentrate harder on not letting my desires get the better of me. She swung her leg over mine and straddled my lap. My hands flew to her waist automatically, but I forced myself to stop them there. Fingers grazed bare skin. It felt so unfair.


    Her lips started making their way up my neck.


    "I thought you said this was a bad idea," I said quietly.


    "It is," she whispered.


    "Then why are you torturing me?" My hands stopped listening to reason.


    She put her lips against my ear. "Does this feel like torture to you?"


    A pleasurable chill ran up my spine. "It will when you make me stop."


    "Idiot, I don''t want you to stop."

 Chapter 27- Sugar Coated Poison

    When I woke up in the morning, she was still lying in the bed beside me, which surprised me a little because I half expected her to pull her disappearing act again.


    I finally understood why she''d said sleeping together was a bad idea. I''d assumed it was because she couldn''t bring herself to be so exposed. That her stone skin wouldn''t allow her to shed that many layers, but I was wrong. It had all been entirely for my benefit. I might have been able to pretend to be her friend until then, barely, but that would be impossible for me now. I was sure she knew how I felt about her. She probably knew from the beginning, but chose never to ask me about it. Why would she? She already knew the answer. Asking something like that would only force us into a conversation neither of us really wanted to have.


    I managed to answer one of Hiromasa''s billions of texts and missed calls. I assured him that Saki was fine, but didn''t really give him any details. It wasn''t my secret to tell.


    The rest of the day was awkward to say the least, mostly because I wasn''t really sure how to act around her anymore. I was behaving myself, but really, what was the point? I wouldn''t last long without doing something stupid. Not anymore. Saki was her usual self, or at least she tried to be, but it was hard for her to do since I was totally off balance.


    I cracked even sooner than I expected when she gave me that look again and I was too eager and stupid to refuse. It did occur to me that I was only making things worse for myself. I was the one who would suffer when all this came to an end, but I just couldn''t bring myself to stop. How could I? It was all I wanted, to be closer to her, to touch her without holding back. For this, I would gladly continue to eat sugar coated poison until it killed me.


    We both returned to school on Monday, but there was hardly a point to me being there at all. I couldn''t focus. My mind wouldn''t quiet itself. I still hadn''t managed to find my footing in this new relationship development.


    What were we now? Friends? Of course not. I hadn''t thought of her as just a friend in a very long time, and I don''t even think Saki could classify us strictly as friends anymore. Friends with benefits? Too crude. That might be all there was to it on Saki''s end, but that label completely ignored my side of the spectrum. Lovers, then? Not quite that either. I loved Saki completely, but she didn''t feel the same way about me. I was sure she was merely using physical acts to fill an emotional void in herself. A tactic I was all too familiar with. Was this how it felt for my past girlfriends to be in our one sided relationships? I was even more of an asshole than I thought.


    Monday evening rolled around. It was almost seven, which meant the phone call I''d been dreading all day was going to happen any minute. Saki had decided to go take a shower, which meant I''d be speaking to my mother alone. I preferred it that way. I was stressed out enough as it was.


    The phone rang and I picked it up off the bed. "Hi."


    "Hello, Kaito," she said. "How was your day?"


    "Fine," I said. "Listen, I need to tell you something."


    "What is it?" I could tell by the sound of her voice she wasn''t prepared for any deviations from our normal conversation.


    "Saki is living here now," I said.


    There was dead quiet on the other end, not that it surprised me. It''s not like I had expected her to take it well.


    "That is unacceptable, Kaito," she said finally. "You must tell her to leave immediately."


    "No," I said.


    "Kaito," she said in a warning tone.


    "You can say she has to leave if you want," I said. "It''s your house. But I''ll go with her."


    "Don''t be a fool."


    That was the most upset I could ever remember her sounding. I guess she wasn''t a total robot after all.


    "I''m sorry," I said. "You have no idea what it''s like for her. I won''t abandon her."


    She went quiet again. Maybe she finally understood she had little to no control over the situation.


    "Does she really have nowhere else to go?" she asked when she spoke again.


    "No," I said. "Nowhere else."


    "Hold on a moment," she said.


    I got up and started to pace absentmindedly. I wondered what she was planning on doing. I wasn''t bluffing when I said I''d go with Saki, but it wouldn''t be easy. Unless you have parental consent, you have to be twenty to legally rent an apartment, which would lead me and Saki to unfavorable options. I wasn''t sure what her plan was for after high school, but if push came to shove we might have to act on it sooner rather than later.


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    "Kaito," my father said.


    I nearly dropped the phone. Not once had he spoken to me over the phone while they were away.


    "Yes?" I answered.


    "You care about this girl?" he asked, his voice stern.


    I nodded. "Yes, more than anything."


    There was a long pause on the other end. "She can stay. Don''t do anything stupid."


    I was long past that.


    He hung up. Short and sweet. I guess there really was nothing else to say and not much else they could do. It¡¯s hard to inforce rules you aren¡¯t there to inforce. Their only other option was to return home and deal with it in person, which would require parenting skills that they didn¡¯t have.


    I tossed the phone on the bed with a sigh. At least that was one big hurdle taken care of. How many more of them were left? I got the feeling I was going to finish this race dragging a few behind me. What was I going to do when her mom called? How would all this play out when the school found out she was living here? What was her plan for renting an apartment after high school?


    Saki''s finger jabbed against my cheek brought me back to reality.


    "Can I help you with something?" I asked.


    "Oh, good." She retracted her finger. "I was afraid you got lost in there."


    "Huh?" I asked.


    "In your mind," she said and tapped her head. "You tend to overthink stuff."


    "Do I?" I stared at the ceiling like it would give me answers.


    "See?" she said. "You''re doing it now."


    I chuckled. "Sorry."


    She shook her head. "It''s not a bad thing, but sometimes it distracts you from what you really want."


    "Are you my life coach now?"


    "Now?" She scoffed. "Please. I''ve been teaching you since day one."


    I laughed. "I guess I can''t really argue with that. So, coach, what do I do now? How do I fix it?"


    "We''ll start with a something really simple," she said. "Give me the first answer that pops into your head. No thinking. Ready?"


    I took an exaggerated deep breath and limbered myself up. "Ready!"


    She sighed and shook her head. "You''re an idiot. Alright, here we go. No thinking. What do you want to do?" She snapped her fingers. "Go."


    I smiled. "Too easy."


    I pressed my lips against hers and pushed her backwards, pinning her against the wall. She made a sound that started off as surprise, but turned into something entirely different as she melted against me.


    Who cares what we were? If she was using me to complete herself, fine. If that''s what she needed, she could have every piece of me. And if I was fated to only call her mine for a short time, I was going to get my fill of her completely- to force my name from her lips every chance I got.


    It didn''t occur to me until later that evening, as we were sitting on the bed watching TV, that there was no reason I had to limit myself to sex. Where the hell was the line now? Did it even exist anymore?


    I sat staring at her for a while, watching the changing colors of the television reflected on her face in the dark room. Deciding to test my luck, I reached my arm out and wrapped it around her, then, ever so slowly, pulled her towards me. I expected her to say some smartass comment like she usually did, but instead she leaned her head against me and nestled closer into my side. I felt like dancing.


    A floodgate opened in my mind. I became a creature of impulse. If I wanted to hold her, I did it. If wanted to touch her hair, I did it. If I wanted to kiss her for no reason at all, I did it. I knew I shouldn''t, but after denying myself for so long it felt so good to let go. It''s not that I deluded myself into thinking this was something real. I knew all too well that when this came to an end it was going to feel like surviving a jump from several stories up, but it was too late. I''d already jumped, so I was sure as hell going to enjoy the fall.


    Word got around pretty quickly that Saki was living with me. A bunch of rumors blossomed from that fact. We were married now. I''d gotten her pregnant. We''d both killed our parents and hid the bodies so we could be together.


    That last one was my favorite.


    Unsurprisingly, it didn''t take very long for me and Saki to end up back in the principal''s office with both him and our homeroom teacher glaring at us again.


    "I''m sure you know why you''ve both been called here." The principal folded his hands on the desk in front of him. "I''ll get straight to the point. Is it true the two of you are living together?"


    "Yes," I said. "But that''s the only true part about those rumors."


    He sighed in disapproval and stood up with his hands behind his back. "I want you two to understand that living together is a serious decision for any couple, especially for people so young." He sighed again. "However, given Higoshi''s situation and the positive influence Mr. Nagashima assures me you''ve had on Higoshi, I''ve decided not to press the matter. You are both close to graduating, but had this happened a year earlier, it might have been a different story. I hope you are both treating the situation with care and realize things like this shouldn''t be taken lightly."


    After that, we bowed and left. I think I caught a glimpse of a smile on the corner of Nagashima''s mouth. Either way, he''d be getting one hell of a bouquet on graduation day. I assumed our parents would be contacted, but it didn''t really matter since they already knew about the situation anyway.


    I didn''t care if they thought we were just playing house, or if everyone else in the world thought it was a bad idea. Even Hiromasa and Miyasoto had shown some concern. They were probably right to do so, but I just didn''t care. I''d had the same smile on my face for three weeks and it wasn''t showing any signs of going anywhere.


    As we walked home I looked over at Saki and realized there was one thing I had yet to try. I took her hand and wove my fingers between hers. It seemed so ridiculous that this was the last step. That we''d started with living with together and worked our way back to where most relationships begin, holding hands. My heart started to hum and I laughed.


    "What is so funny?" She tried to pull her hand away.


    "As if I''d let you escape." I held on tightly. "I wasn''t laughing at you. I swear."


    She groaned and rolled her head back. "You''re so clingy."


    "In an adorable way, right?" I grinned.


    She laughed and nodded. "Yeah, like a big, stupid dog."


    She squeezed my hand tighter.

 Chapter 28- To Slay a Dragon

    I received a call from Saki''s mother one day early in February. Saki and I were asleep at the time, so I didn''t answer, but I heard the phone chime. She left a voicemail, which I decided to listen to secretly in the bathroom. It''s not that I wasn''t planning to tell Saki, but I needed to see what her mother said first. I couldn''t risk Saki crumbling and returning home. I connected to my voicemail and held the phone tightly to my ear.


    "Hello. This is Ms. Katayama." Her words dripped with honey. She sounded like an entirely different person. "This message is for Saki''s friend. I very much appreciate you taking care of her for so long. Can you ask her if she''ll be coming home soon? I''d really love to see my little girl. I miss her so much. Can you please call me back as soon as possible? Thank you."


    I deleted the message. Her words sounded sweet and sincere, but there was something dark hidden in them. It made my skin crawl.


    I went back to my room. Saki was still lying in bed, which wasn''t unusual. She usually slept in. About the only time I could remember her ever waking up ahead of me is when she''d snuck out in the past.


    "Hey, Saki." I nudged her shoulder gently.


    "Hmm?" she answered groggily.


    "I need to go out for a little bit," I said. "Will you be alright?"


    "I''m not a child," she said sleepily.


    I pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead before heading out.


    It was pretty cold outside. A little bit of early morning frost still clung to the grass. I yawned and stuffed my hands in my coat pockets. I guess it was pretty early for me to be up as well.


    I waited until I was several blocks from the house before pulling out my phone and dialing Saki''s mother. She picked up after the second ring.


    "Hello?" she said.


    "Hello. This is Nagase Kaito, Saki''s friend."


    She paused a moment. Maybe she was expecting a girl. Had the school not been able to reach her after all? Maybe she was just too out of it at the time to remember.


    "Thank you for returning my call," she said. "Is Saki with you?"


    "She is. We''re actually headed over right now. Is that alright?"


    "Yes," she said excitedly. "I''ll be home. I look forward to meeting you."


    "Likewise," I said. "See you soon. Bye."


    I hung up the phone before she had a chance to pry into the reason it was me calling and not her daughter.


    When I finally arrived at Saki''s apartment, I took a deep breath before boldly knocking on the door. Her mother answered quickly, but her face fell when she realized I was the only one standing there.


    "Come in," she said, swinging the door open and gesturing inside.


    I stepped into the entryway and took my shoes off while she shut the door. The room looked completely different from last time. Everything was clean and tidy. There wasn''t a dirty plate or take out container in sight. It was like night and day.


    "I''m Nagase Kaito." I bowed. "Nice to meet you."


    She returned my bow. "Katayama Miyu. Please sit."


    She crossed the living room towards the small kitchen that was only separated by a bar attached to the wall. I took a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table with my legs folded under me. She returned from the kitchen with two cups of hot tea and set one on the table in front of me.


    "Thank you," I said and nodded.


    She set her cup down and took a seat opposite me. "You did say we on the phone, didn''t you?"


    "Yes," I said. "I didn''t think you''d agree to see me otherwise."


    "I see." Her expression darkened. "You have a good reason for lying to me?"


    "I do." I took a sip of the tea, not entirely sure it was safe to drink. "I don''t want to beat around the bush, so I''ll just come out and say it. I don''t think this is a good environment for Saki."


    She cracked a smile. "Why do you say that?"


    "Because I was here the day Saki left."


    Realization washed over her face. "You''re that boy that was standing in front of the door."


    I nodded. "I am."


    She laughed softly, then grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the table and taped one loose. "You don''t mind if I smoke, do you?"


    I shook my head. "Not at all. It''s your house."


    She put the cigarette between her lips and lit it before tossing the lighter to the table. "It''s funny you should say that." She took a long drag and tapped the cigarette on an ashtray. "You know Saki is my daughter, don''t you? What right do you have to keep her from me?"


    My fists clenched on my lap. "As I said, I don''t think this is a good environment for her."


    She took another drag and exhaled the smoke from her mouth slowly. "You think you can do better?"


    "I know I can," I said firmly.


    She chuckled. "Tell me, boy, do you have children?"


    I shook my head. "No."


    "Then you have no idea what you''re talking about," she said. "You haven''t even got an inkling of the loss I''ve suffered."


    "You''re right," I said. "I''ve never lost anyone so close to me. I cannot imagine the pain you have endured, but Saki has suffered the same pain. She lost her brother. She needs relief just as badly as you do."


    "She should have thought of that before she darted out in front of traffic." She tapped her cigarette on the ash tray.


    I dug my nails into my palms. "Surely, you realize that was an accident?"


    She shrugged. "Whether it was or not, negligence is not an excuse for her actions."


    I forced myself to take a deep breath. "I know this is not who you are. Saki told me you used to be a very devoted and caring mother. Years of pain have made you bitter. I used to believe that I could save her, but I realize now that the only words that can reach her are yours. She needs you to forgive her. She needs you to be her mother again."


    She rolled her head back and laughed. "My, my, boy. You have it bad, don''t you? I suppose you think since she''s spread her legs for you that she must have feelings for you." She leaned across the table. "I''ve got news for you. That girl can''t love anyone. She couldn''t even cry at her own brother''s funeral. She''s heartless."


    My muscles tightened and my body shook. Was this woman...no. Was this creature sitting across from me really the same one Saki had defended all this time? The same one she was ready to fight for? The same one she had pity on? The same one she had made excuses for?


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    "You''re the heartless one." My voice trembled as I spoke.


    She laughed curtly. "You can think whatever you want. Just tell Saki she has to come home now."


    It was my turn to laugh. It came out dark and deep. "Like hell I will."


    "Excuse me?" She put the butt of her cigarette out.


    I stood up quickly, my fists clenched so tightly that my fingernails dug into my palms. "She needs your help. And until you are ready to give that to her, you will not speak to her. As far as I''m concerned, if that was never again, she''d be much better off."


    She shot up, slamming her palms on the table. "You will return her to me!"


    I went to the door and quickly put on my shoes, ignoring her completely.


    "You will return her to me," she repeated loudly.


    I opened the door. "Rot in hell, you venomous bitch."


    I slammed the door behind me. Something smashed against it seconds after it closed. It was probably a teacup or the ashtray. I stomped down the stairs and away from the apartment building, my fists still clenched.


    I stopped several yards away and yelled as loud as I could, then kicked a wall until I was sure my toe was bleeding. I turned around and slumped against the wall, taking several deep breaths to calm myself. Didn''t she know that people grieve in different ways? So what if Saki didn''t cry? She was obviously hurting. Was she that blind? Didn''t she see? Maybe she just didn''t want to.


    Finally, I made my way home. I was still seeing red, but at least I was pretty sure I wasn''t going to punch some stranger for looking at me wrong.


    When I got up to my room, Saki was sitting on my bed reading some manga.


    "I''m home," I muttered.


    "Welcome home," she said. "What have you been up to?"


    I rushed to the bed and kissed her several times before hugging her against my chest.


    She laughed. "Jeeze. Calm down. You really missed me that much?"


    "Saki, I''m so sorry," I whispered.


    "Sorry for what?" She pulled back a little to look at my face. "You''re being weird, even for you."


    I pulled her back into my embrace and squeezed her tighter.


    She sighed. "Because that''s totally an answer." She wiggled one of her arms free and patted my head. "There, there, Fido. I''m sure you''ve done nothing to apologize for."


    I chuckled. "I''m not sure I like all these dog jokes."


    "I''ll for sure keep doing them then."


    I smiled and gave her a final squeeze before releasing her and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "I''m sorry you had to live like that for so long."


    She scooted over next to me. "I assume something brought that on."


    I sighed and stared at the cuts in my palms. "Your mom called." I let the sentence hang there. I felt totally drained and the day had barely even started.


    "You went there?" she asked.


    I nodded. "She wanted you to come too, but I decided to go myself anyway."


    "How is she?"


    I bit back the words I wanted to say. Who cares? She''s scum.


    "She''s struggling without you, I guess." I said, hating instantly that I had answered honestly. "She said some really terrible things."


    Saki nodded. "She does that." She sighed and leaned back on her hands. "She must really be hurting. I guess I should be getting back."


    I jerked my head up to look at her. "What? You can''t be serious."


    She stood up. "This is the longest I''ve ever been away. She''s probably going out of her mind."


    "Only because she doesn''t have anyone to beat up on," I said. "Let her stew in her own misery."


    She looked down and shook her head. "I can''t do that. I''m the reason she''s like that."


    "You aren''t, Saki."


    "I am," she insisted. "If I hadn''t done that-"


    I cut her off. "Stop making excuses for her. It was an accident. It¡¯s not your fault. She has no right to treat you that way."


    "You have no idea what you''re talking about, Kaito." She looked back at me with sad eyes.


    Her pain just enraged me even more. I stood up and put myself between her and the door. "I won''t let you go back. You told me I was to keep you away no matter what."


    She laughed. "What do you plan to do? Tie me down?"


    "If I have to." I was dead serious.


    "She needs me," Saki said.


    "No," I said. "What she needs is to suffer a little."


    "Don''t talk about her that way." She glared at me. "She''s suffered plenty."


    "And you haven''t? I''m sorry, Saki, but she needs to see that you can''t treat people that way, especially not your children. She deserves to be alone."


    Saki smiled. "As if you would know how parents are supposed to treat their children."


    It stung a little, but I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to deflect and it wasn''t going to work on me.


    "You told me once that you two needed to heal apart," I said. "I believe that''s true. You being there is not helping her anymore. If she has to destroy herself to heal, then so be it. I don''t give a damn about her, but I will do everything I can to help you."


    "Even if I hate you for it?"


    "If that''s what it takes," I said firmly, staring her in the eyes.


    Her smile deepened. "Even if I make you hate me?"


    "I could never hate you," I said.


    "You have no idea what I can do," she said. "I will make you move."


    "Do your worst."


    "Screw you, Kaito," she said in a low voice. "You and that confidence of yours. You think you can help me? You? The guy who, at the age of sixteen, was already emotionally flat lining? As if you could ever comprehend losing anyone. You barely have anybody to lose."


    It felt like she reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. I smiled. "Go on. I know you''ve got more."


    "The number of people who are close to you is pathetic. I can count them on one hand. Two parents who don''t give a shit if you live or die, one friend who only started talking to you in the first place because he felt bad for you..." she hesitated.


    She squeezed my heart harder, but I kept right on smiling. "Don''t stop. You''re a monster. You''ll destroy me, remember? Come on."


    "And a girl who doesn''t even love you back."


    There it was, the inevitable truth spoken out loud. That rejection I feared so much. It hurt worse than I thought it would. As if she''d ripped the beating thing from my chest and shown it to me.


    Even so, I didn''t move from my spot at the door. She wasn''t smiling anymore. The sadness returned to her face and she slumped to the floor. I walked over and kneeled in front of her.


    "Do you really think I could hate you?" I pulled her against me and kissed the top of her head.


    "Are you really going to comfort me?" She kept her head down so I couldn''t see her face. "After all those things I said to you..."


    "Did you think I wouldn''t?" I kissed her head again.


    She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed as though her life depended on it. "I knew you would, which makes what I did so much worse."


    You might think this event deterred me. That it slowed me down or made me question what I was doing. That maybe I behaved differently towards her, even loved her less. You''d be wrong.


    Her attitude changed towards me after that, but I didn''t let that last more than a few days. I refused to let her push me away. I came on just as strong, if not stronger. Soon we were back to our normal routine, whatever normal was those days. It''s not that my life had been so twisted as to think this relationship was normal. I fully realized how unhealthy and toxic it was. Did that make me all the more sick for continuing with it anyway? Probably, but I don''t regret a second of it.


    At the end of the month, Saki went to go see her father. She intended to get his consent to rent an apartment and was fairly certain he''d cooperate since he felt like he owed her. I offered to go with her, but she insisted on going herself. I suppose she had a point. That''s a lot for a guy to take in one day. He hadn''t seen her in years. Having me around would only complicate things. How would that introduction go anyway? "Hello, Mr. Higoshi. You remember your daughter who you haven''t spoken to since she was in middle school and remember as being a little girl? Well, I''m shacking up with her." Seemed like a pretty good way to end up in an early grave.


    In March, graduation day came. A day, for most students, filled with that bittersweet feeling of leaving friends and classmates behind to go on to a future of new and better things. I always thought when that day came for me I''d never feel much of anything, but as we walked around the school that day, the last chill of winter in the air, I was filled with gnawing anxiety and crushing depression.


    My time with Saki was coming to an end. I didn''t think I could hate a day more in my entire life. Then the day came when I had to put Saki on a train headed towards her new apartment, and it turns out I was wrong about graduation day.


    I reminded her that morning before we''d even left the house that she didn''t have to go. She told me, as she had the hundreds of times before, that she did. So, there we stood on the platform. My whole chest felt tight. I''d been struggling to breathe since the second I''d woken up and it was getting worse every minute.


    She was in the process of saying her goodbyes to Hiromasa and Miyasoto while I stood back a few paces, staring numbly at the three of them. The whole thing felt unreal, like I wasn''t really there at all.


    "You behave yourself." Saki stuck her hand through Hiromasa''s hair and swished it around.


    "Jeeze." He tried to smooth it back into place. "I thought we were over that."


    Miyasoto giggled and stepped forward, pulling Saki into a hug. "Call us the second you have a phone." She stepped back and smiled.


    Saki nodded. "I will." She turned towards me. "Well, I guess this is it."


    I couldn''t say anything. I wasn''t sure I could speak at all. I think if I opened my mouth, I might''ve just started screaming until what little breath was left in my lungs was gone.


    Miyasoto tapped Hiromasa on the shoulder.


    "Hm?" He looked at her, clearly confused.


    She titled her head in our direction.


    "Oh," Hiromasa stretched out the word. "Right."


    Miyasoto and Hiromasa both waved as they left. It didn''t help. I still stood staring at her silently. The train pulled up behind her. My heart starting racing and my chest tightened further.


    She hugged me and put her lips to my ear. "Thank you for everything, Kaito. You are the best person I have ever known." She pulled away and turned to get on the train.


    I reached out to her. "Saki, I..."


    I love you. Stay with me. The words got stuck in my throat. What good would they do me now? She knew I loved her and she knew I wanted her to stay. There was nothing left for me to say. There was no way to keep her with me. I dropped my hand.


    "Saki, I''ll miss you." I said, on the verge of tears.


    She smiled gently. "Don''t be an idiot. It''s only two hours away. We''ll see each other again." She pressed her lips against mine one last time.


    I hated that kiss. It felt all wrong.


    Then she got on the train and was gone, leaving me on that platform to suffocate all alone.

 Chapter 29- A Man on Fire

    The day Saki left, I returned to my room expecting it to give me comfort, but it felt just as empty and cold as the rest of the house had for years. Everything reminded me of her, smelled of her.


    I called Yoshitaka that afternoon and started my full time cooking position at The Weeping Willow the very next day. I would do anything to get me out of that house and keep my mind occupied.


    When I was forced to return home, I took to sleeping in the corner of my room facing the wall, using only a spare blanket Saki had never touched. It was not enough. She was still the only thing on my mind until sleep finally won me over. Sometimes even this was not enough, as she would invade my dreams as well. I hated it.


    I didn''t have to wait long for my parents to return home. I''m not sure if they were staying away for themselves or because Saki was there. It didn''t really matter. I immediately got their consent to rent a place and quickly moved out into a one room apartment of my own. It was better, but I still hated it.


    It had been nearly three months since Saki left. I hadn''t heard from her at all. No phone calls. No texts. Not even any letters. She''d cut me off completely. She''d said two hours wasn''t that far, and she was right. Two hours is pitiful, but it didn''t matter. She might as well have been on the moon.


    I started taking shifts whenever they were available. The less time I had off the better. I''d work as many double shifts as they''d give me. It didn''t even have to be cooking. I was happy to fill in as a waiter or even a dishwasher. As long as it kept my mind occupied, I didn''t care what it was. I hung out with Hiromasa whenever possible, but since he was in college now, he was often busy.


    I filled the gaps in my time with my coworkers. I had been pretty limited socially in high school, but not anymore. I''d do whatever, with whomever, whenever they asked. Want to go to karaoke? Yes. Want to go grab something to eat after work? Yes. Want to go to the arcade? Yes. Want to help me move this weekend? Yes.


    I made sure to only return to my apartment when I was so exhausted that I would barely have the strength to shuffle into the door and crawl into bed. I would fall asleep almost immediately, giving me no time to dwell, no time to let my mind wander.


    I managed to keep this up for a several months, but my luck finally ran out one summer night when I was cutting up an onion for a curry. I was moving too quickly and my hand slipped. I barely even felt it, but within seconds, a stream of bright red spread along the wet cutting board and soaked into the white flesh of the onion. I dropped the knife and clutched my index finger, backing away from the cutting board. Kuroda looked over at me, quickly grabbed a clean dish towel, and wrapped it around my finger. Evidently, this was not his first rodeo.


    "How bad is it?" Kuroda asked, holding the dish towel in place.


    "I don''t think it''s as bad as it looks," I said. "It''s just bleeding a lot."


    Kuroda nodded. "Yeah, fingers are always like that. Come with me. We''ll get you cleaned up and see just what we''re dealing with." He glanced back at the cutting board. "I don''t see a finger lying back there, so it can''t be too terrible."


    I laughed and shook my head. That was so like Kuroda. He was good at keeping it light in stressful situations.


    "Iwamoto, will you clean that up?" Kuroda asked as he led me out of the kitchen.


    "On it," Iwamoto said.


    We went into the small break room which contained a large table filling most of the room, a row of lockers, and a computer desk that sat against the wall. Yoshitaka was typing away at the computer, but looked up when we entered.


    "Sit," Kuroda directed, grabbing a small medical kit off the top of the lockers.


    I sat down at the table, keeping my hand gripped tightly on the towel.


    "What happened?" Yoshitaka asked, walking over to me.


    "Just a little accident," I said, holding up my hand.


    "I''ve got that." Yoshitaka took the medical kit from Kuroda. "You get back to the kitchen and make sure Iwamoto doesn''t fall too far behind."


    Kuroda nodded and gave me a pat on the shoulder before heading back to the kitchen. Yoshitaka drug a chair close to mine and took a seat.


    "Let''s see it." Yoshitaka set the medical kit on the table and started unpacking it.


    I unwrapped the towel from my hand. The blood had already started to soak through it. It was still bleeding, but not as bad as it had been. Both my hands were smeared with blood, like I''d just fled a murder scene. Yoshitaka took out an alcohol wipe and cleaned the cut gently. More blood bubbled to the surface, but it was slow. He dabbed it a few more times until he was satisfied, then wrapped it in more gauze than I think was necessary.


    He got another alcohol wipe and started cleaning the rest of my hands. "Have you had a tetanus shot recently?"


    I nodded. "It''s up to date."


    "What happened?" he asked, as he continued to clean my hands. "Not paying attention?"


    "I was just moving too fast," I said. "It was stupid. I''m fine now, though. I can put a glove on it and go back to work."


    Yoshitaka finished his cleaning and gathered up the trash into a pile. "You don''t look fine."


    "I am," I insisted. "It''s just a little cut. I''m an idiot. It won''t happen again."


    He sighed and turned to look at me. "Listen, Nagase. You''re a great employee and you work really hard. I appreciate it. I really do, but I wouldn''t want you to burn out. You''re young. You should be enjoying life a little, you know?"


    I smiled and shook my head. "I appreciate your concern, but I''m fine, really."


    "I want you to take a break for a little bit," he said. "You''re looking a bit pale."


    He stood up and crossed the room to the back door.


    "Come on," he said, holding the door open. "Get some fresh air. It''s just for a few minutes."


    I had no choice but to do as he said.


    "I''ll check up on you in a bit," he said. "But I''m right inside if you need me."


    He shut the door leaving me alone in the dim light at the back of the restaurant. It was quiet. I hated it.


    I leaned my back against the wall and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on the pain in my finger. I needed something, anything to keep me from what I knew was going to come next.


    It was no use. The thoughts of her came rushing back anyway. I could see her standing there next to me. Feel her pressing that cold soda bottle against my neck just as she had the summer before. Why the hell did I come to work here anyway? I should have looked for a job somewhere else. This place was filled with her.


    I knew I couldn''t, though. This was the only place I had left that was connected to her. If I let this go, then what?


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    The memories didn''t limit themselves to ones at the restaurant. They flooded my mind mercilessly. The way she looked when she smiled at me. The sound of her voice. The feeling of her pressed against me. The taste of her lips against mine. Relentless.


    My chest ached. The thoughts of the last moments I saw her hurt the most. The last hug she''d given me, how wrong that last kiss felt, the view of her back as the train doors slowly shut.


    "Hey, are you alright?"


    My eyes opened to reveal a woman with lean features and short, chocolate colored hair.


    Was I alright? I was anything but.


    I forced a smile. "I''m fine, thanks."


    Her worried expression didn''t change. "Really? You were making a face like you were on fire. Is that because of your finger?"


    "My finger?" I''d honestly forgotten about the damn thing.


    She gestured at my hand.


    "Oh." I laughed and shook my head. "No, this is nothing. I was just lost in thought that''s all."


    She sighed and leaned against the wall next to me. "That''s a relief. I thought I might have to call the hospital or something."


    "I looked that bad, huh?" I said, almost to myself.


    She smiled, but didn''t press the issue, which I was glad of. I really didn''t want to get into it and I was too tired to lie.


    "So, I take it by the uniform that you work here." She tapped the building.


    I nodded.


    "I guess that would also explain the finger," she said.


    "Totally unrelated," I said. "I was playing a game of five finger fillet. Turns out, I''m not as good as I thought."


    Her eyes went wide until she caught my grin and laughed.


    "That was mean." She punched me in the arm playfully. "I actually believed you for a second, you know?"


    I chuckled. "Sorry."


    "I think you owe me a name now."


    I smiled. "Nagase Kaito."


    "Amemori Kyoko," she said.


    "So, Amemori, what are you doing wandering around the back of restaurants at night?" I asked. "I don''t have to call the police, do I?"


    She smiled and shook her head. "I actually came from the bar next door. I just turned twenty today, so my friends took me out, but I think I overdid it a little. I came outside to get some air."


    "I see." I nodded. "Happy Birthday."


    "Thanks." She smiled. "Well, I guess I better get going. I don''t want to make my friends worry. I''m glad you''re alright."


    "Have a good night." I waved as she walked back to the bar.


    "You too." She waved back at me. "No more playing with knives."


    It only occurred to me after she left that I was feeling a little bit better. I wasn''t one hundred percent, but I certainly wasn''t rock bottom either. I guess Amemori had been a pretty decent distraction.


    The next couple of weeks I continued as I had been, filling every second I was awake with work or social outings and getting my standard four hours of sleep a night. Yoshitaka didn''t caution me about over exerting myself anymore, but I think he was watching me a little bit closer than he had been.


    It wasn''t until one sweltering evening a few weeks later that I saw Amemori again. I''d only managed to secure one shift that day, which wasn''t nearly enough to tire me to the point of exhaustion, so I''d made plans with Nakada, one of the waiters, to go bowling. I''d only ever been once before and I don''t think I liked it very much, but at least it was better than the alternative.


    Unfortunately, Nakada had to bail last minute because he''d received a call from his wife, who was clearly not happy about something. It would have been rude to push for information, but needless to say, my night was not going as I planned.


    I was waiting on the corner for the light to change. I''m not even sure where I was going. I was headed in the direction of the train station, but I wasn''t sure I was even getting on because I sure as hell wasn''t going home. Not to that quiet place all alone with myself and my thoughts of her.


    "Well, if it isn''t knife boy. How''s the finger?" I turned to see Amemori standing a few feet away from me with a big grin on her face.


    "Hi." I smiled. "It''s much better. Thanks. Out drinking again?"


    "Man." She put a hand on her hip. "What''s with the instant accusation? I''m not an alcoholic, you know?"


    I laughed and put my hands up. "Sorry. I didn''t mean anything by it."


    The light changed and we crossed the street along with everyone else who had been waiting.


    "So, how does it feel to hit the twenties?" I asked.


    "Oh, totally all empowering. I feel like the world trembles at my feet now." She swept her hand in front of her and giggled. "Pretty much the same. How did it feel for you?"


    "For me?" I asked. "I wouldn''t know. I still have a little over a year to go."


    "Really?" She looked surprised. "I thought you might be a couple years older than me."


    I laughed. "I don''t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult."


    "A compliment definitely." She paused. "Well, maybe both. You just looked so worn out when I saw you the first time."


    I laughed again. "That''s so brutal. I look old? Is that what you want to say?"


    "No. No. No." She waved her hand in front of her. "Not like that, just, wounded? I guess? No. I mean...Uh..."


    I shook my head. "That''s so much better. You''re really good at small talk, huh?"


    She laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her head. "I stick my foot in my mouth a lot."


    "That''s an understatement for sure."


    "Let me make it up to you," she said. "I''ll buy you dinner."


    "That''s really unnecessary. I was just teasing."


    "Please." She stepped in front of me and put her palms together. "I''d feel better if I did." She dropped her hands. "Unless you have plans."


    Those words really got me. If I didn''t go with her, what was I going to do? If I wandered around alone on my own for too long, my mind was going to start to drift anyway. I was already teetering on the edge.


    "Tell you what?" I said. "Why don''t you let me buy you dinner instead?"


    "Huh? What for?" she asked.


    "Let''s say, for offering a man on fire a glass of water."


    She got quiet.


    I chuckled. "Was that too intense? I''m sorry. I swear I have no ulterior motives. I just really need something to do right now and I''d feel really awkward if you were paying for me."


    She smiled and nodded. "I guess I can live with that."


    "Great." I smiled.


    We didn''t go anywhere fancy. Just a ramen stand a few blocks over. We didn''t talk about anything serious either. I didn''t want to talk about what was obviously bothering me and she didn''t ask. I found out she was studying to be a nurse. She had an orange tabby cat named Mikan. Her favorite color was purple. It was actually a lot of fun slurping noodles and talking about simple stuff.


    When we were finished, we walked around and chatted some more and eventually worked our way to the train station where we had to part ways.


    "Listen." She played with the strap of her purse. "I know you said you didn''t have any ulterior motives, but I had a lot of fun and I was wondering if you''d want to do it again sometime."


    I did. I really did.


    "Sorry, Amemori." I looked down. "I actually had a lot of fun too, but the truth is I just got out of a relationship. It really took a lot out of me. I don''t think I''m in a very good place right now. I sort of have a bad habit of using people that I¡¯m really trying to break."


    "Wow," she said. "That''s really honest of you to say."


    "Yeah, it''s this new thing I''m trying out." I looked up and half laughed. "You know, I''ve never turned anyone down before?"


    She started laughing. "Jeeze. I don''t know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult."


    "I really am sorry," I said. "It''s nothing to do with you. I swear."


    "Well, it''s a shame for sure." She pulled her phone out of her bag. "I''m going to give you my number, just in case you change your mind."


    I really hated to turn her down, but it was probably better for everyone involved. I would probably only make a mess of things.


    I was pretty tired when I got home. My plan worked. I was asleep within seconds.


    The next day, when I grabbed my phone to turn off the alarm, I noticed I had a new text from a number I didn''t recognize. I clicked it up and forced my tired eyes to focus on it. It read, "Guess what I finally got?"


    I shot up. I knew exactly who it was from. My heart started racing. I looked at the timestamp. It hadn''t been that sent that long ago. My thumbs flew over the phone to text a reply, but I froze. What should I say? What did I want to say? What took her so long? She must have had a phone before this. There''s no way she didn''t. Why was she lying? What I wanted to say to her couldn''t be expressed in a text. I wanted to call her, but the thought of hearing her voice both thrilled and terrified me. I was sure I''d hit total meltdown if I heard it.


    "About time," I texted back lamely. "How is everything going?"


    I grimaced as I read it back. What sort of response was that? That''s all I had to say after nearly four months?


    I got ready and went to work, but I wasn''t focusing well. I made a lot of stupid mistakes. I probably checked my phone over a thousand times that day. She didn''t text back until the next day. All it said was, "Fine. You?" I sent only a one word response, "Fine."


    I hated that. I hated everything about it. Things had grown so impersonal between us. Why? She hadn''t loved me, but we were still friends, weren''t we? Maybe not. Maybe we could never go back to that. Maybe it really was all over.


    I longed to call her, to hear her voice, but the longer I avoided it, the more difficult it became to do. What if she sounded just as impersonal over the phone? I don''t think I could''ve handled that. To know that everything we shared was gone now. It would''ve destroyed me. I was sure of it.


    After several weeks of texts that were a maximum of four words at a time, I finally broke down. I couldn''t handle it anymore. I was thinking about her at work now, too. Even while I was at my busiest she was there, in the back of my head, tormenting me. I pulled out my phone, my finger hovering over Amemori¡¯s number. She could fill the void; I was sure. If I poured all my attention into someone else, there¡¯s no way I would have time to think about Saki, right? I took a deep breath and quickly deleted the number before I could second guess myself. I was not where I needed to be to start up a relationship with someone else. Amemori was not a real solution to my problems, just a bandage.


    The person I actually ended up calling surprised the hell out of me. ¡°Hi, mom.¡±

 Chapter 30- Undone

    Knocking on the door to a house I¡¯d lived in just several months prior felt pretty odd. My mother answering that door felt even weirder. I had to wait around a month to actually catch her at home, and as I made my way into the living room to sit with her, I seriously thought about sprinting back outside. What was I even doing here?


    I guess she felt just as awkward as I did, since we must have sat for at least two whole minutes in total silence while the ice in our tea glasses clinked as it melted and settled into the glass.


    ¡°How do you like your new apartment?¡± My mother asked, breaking the silence at last.


    ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°Not too small?¡±


    I shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m only one person. I don¡¯t need anything bigger.¡±


    ¡°I suppose that¡¯s true.¡± She smiled faintly. ¡°I used to be fine with tiny apartments. I wonder why your father and I ever bought this place.¡±


    ¡°Why did you buy this place?¡± I glanced around the familiar joint living room and kitchen. ¡°It seems pretty big for just the three of us, and you were never really home anyway.¡±


    ¡°You know, I think your father wanted it for you.¡±


    ¡°For me?¡±


    She nodded. ¡°He didn¡¯t have much growing up, the middle child of six other siblings. It never really seemed like enough to go around to him. He never wanted you to feel that way.¡±


    I¡¯d honestly never considered that. I knew my father had a large family, but I hadn¡¯t really known it was a struggle for him. We didn¡¯t really have frank conversations, at least not many that I could remember.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry we weren¡¯t here as much as we could have been, Kaito.¡± Her gaze was focused on the tea glass. ¡°We never really planned for children. I suppose I was afraid of becoming my mother. She was¡­unbalanced. The thought that I might cause you that same pain frightened me. I had no idea how to be a real mother to you. Your father was so focused on being a provider.¡± She met my eyes. ¡°We weren¡¯t there as much as we should have been.¡±


    That seemed like a pretty big understatement. Still, it was nice to hear her finally say it out loud.


    I chuckled and shook my head. ¡°Why this all the sudden?¡±


    ¡°I suppose that I realized you¡¯ve grown into a fine young man and I wasn¡¯t here to see any of it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure about that. I don¡¯t think I know what I¡¯m doing at all.¡±


    She smiled gently. ¡°No one your age does. You¡¯re still figuring out who you want to be, but whoever that is, I¡¯m sure he¡¯ll be wonderful. That girl was lucky to have you.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think she saw it that way. Or at least, she didn¡¯t see me the way I wanted her to see me.¡±


    ¡°Unrequited love is always hard. Have you told her how you feel?¡±


    I shrugged and stared down at the beads of condensation rolling down my glass. ¡°She knows.¡±


    ¡°It is not for her. It is for you. Does she have a boyfriend?¡±


    I laughed. ¡°I doubt it. She isn¡¯t really the dating type.¡±


    ¡°Then you should tell her.¡±


    ¡°You act like there¡¯s hope.¡±


    She shook her head. ¡°It¡¯s not for the hope. It is fore the closure. A love lost is a love lost. You have to begin to heal.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t help but think back to what Hiromasa said when he confessed; it hurt, but was somehow freeing. Could I really allow myself to be that vulnerable?


    My mother and I talked a little bit after that. We steered clear of topics too deep. This was our first real conversation in a while, after all. I did share with her a little bit about Saki and what I got up to while was away. Not all of it, of course. I didn¡¯t think she¡¯d take the illegal activities too well. She talked a little bit about her trips and said that my father would actually love to talk to me too. He just had no idea how to start. I guess that made two of us.


    I wasn¡¯t really sure what exactly made me feel the urge to reach out to her in the first place. Maybe I was just feeling lonely and lost. Whatever the reason, I was pretty happy I did. Nothing could really make up for the years of broken relationship that existed in the past, but the future looked kind of hopeful.


    Later that evening, I sat on my bed staring at my phone. Were Hiromasa and my mom really right? Would telling her how I felt really do anything for me except get me hurt again? She¡¯d already said she didn¡¯t love me once. I¡¯m not sure how much more clear she could be. Did I really need to hear that again for closure?


    I picked up the phone, brought up her number, and froze. Confessing over the phone seemed really cheap and insincere, especially considering all we¡¯d been through together. That meant I was going to have to call her and ask to meet up. I let out a shaky breath and pressed the screen.


    It only rang twice before I chickened out and tossed the phone back to the bed as though it had suddenly caught fire. What the hell was I thinking? I rubbed my sweaty palms on my pants. We hadn¡¯t seen each other in months because she didn¡¯t want to see me. What could I ever say to her to make her want to? She was clearly done with me. Why couldn¡¯t I just move on?


    After my failed attempt at a phone call, our limited text conversations just died out altogether. It seemed neither of us had much left to say. She didn¡¯t even ask me about why I tried to call.


    More time passed. I went back to my schedule of keeping busy, but she was never far from my mind. Certain triggers would bring her back no matter how occupied I was-- a woman with long hair, the smell of orange jasmine, strawberries. In these moments, I would find myself wondering how or what she was doing, if she was happy. I would quickly push these thoughts to the back of my mind again. It wasn''t my concern anymore. It''s not as though she gave a damn about me anymore anyway.


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    In late November, I received a text from Hiromasa asking if we could meet at my apartment. The text worried me. It was unlike him to be so serious. Usually, he just let me know that he had some free time coming up, or might even stop by the restaurant as a customer to mess with me. For him to be so rigid about the time and place was so odd, but I agreed, of course.


    When I answered the door, he was wearing the same cheesy grin as he always did. "Hi."


    "Hey." I swung the door open.


    He took off his shoes and we walked through the cramped entrance hall, which also served as a small kitchen, and into the main room of the apartment. He sat down on the rug at the small table in the center of the room.


    "You want anything?" I asked.


    "No," he said and leaned back.


    "So, is it real talk time?" I sat down. "What happened? You knock Miyasoto up or something?"


    His face turned red and I started laughing.


    "Shut up," he said. "I''m here about you."


    "What about me?"


    His face got serious and he looked down. "Listen. Saki is coming back this weekend for a visit."


    My heart started pounding at the mere mention of her name.


    "She wasn''t planning on telling you," he continued. "But I''d feel too guilty not to say anything, so here I am."


    "Why is it that you know and I don''t?" I asked


    "She talks to Kimiko a lot," he said.


    I snorted. "That figures. I could barely get a few lousy words out of her, but Miyasoto talks to her all the time? That seems fair."


    "Don''t be mad," Hiromasa said.


    I sighed and pushed my hand through my hair. "You''re right. I guess it wouldn''t do me any good. She doesn''t care about me anymore anyway."


    "Dumbass," Hiromasa said. "Of course she does. She asks Kimiko about you all the time."


    "She does?" My heart beat faster.


    That damn thing was more na?ve than I was. Why the hell was I getting so worked up?


    Hiromasa''s eyes went wide. "Crap. I probably wasn''t supposed to tell you that." He hung his head. "Just don''t tell Kimiko, alright?"


    "Hiromasa, you''d better start talking."


    He sighed and looked to the side. "Saki got a phone shortly after she moved, but she only really talked to Kimiko. She wasn''t planning to say anything to you at all until Kimiko begged her to."


    "What the hell? Why wouldn''t she talk to me?"


    "Isn''t it obvious?" He met my eyes. "She was trying to let you go about your life, but you were kind of a mess after she left, so Kimiko suggested she talk to you, thinking it might cheer you up a little. She was only trying to help."


    I couldn''t help but smile. "But she asks about me?"


    Hiromasa sighed. "I really shouldn''t have told you that. Anyways, apparently Saki''s mother got in touch with her through her father, so she''s coming back to try and talk things out a little."


    "I''m glad you came," I said.


    He folded his arms. "You''re god damn right you are. Kimiko is going to be so mad when she finds out. You owe me big."


    I laughed. "You''re right. I do. You name the favor."


    "Raincheck, then," he said. "It''s got to be something really good. I don''t want to waste it until I have something."


    Hiromasa gave me the details on the way out. Apparently, Saki was returning home in the afternoon on Saturday and they were all supposed to meet at a family restaurant before she went to see her mother. I fully intended to be there and didn¡¯t really think about anything but that until the day finally came.


    When I arrived at the restaurant that weekend, everyone was already waiting in a semi private room in the back. There were four red tables seated on the tatami mat floors, but the other three were empty.


    My eyes went to her immediately. It only took me a moment to realize I was undone. My heart beat as though I was seeing her for the very first time. My timeline collapsed. Minutes or years, it didn''t matter. I would be tied to her forever. Her gaze met mine and I took the first breath I''d truly taken in over seven months.


    She''d cut her hair. It hung just past her shoulders now, instead of all the way down her back. I also noticed she''d removed most of her rings and ear piercings, leaving only two tasteful studs in her earlobes.


    Saki squinted and glanced sideways at Hiromasa. "It seems we have a snake among us."


    "It would seem so," Miyasoto said, staring daggers at Hiromasa.


    He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head.


    "Hi, Saki," I said quietly.


    She sighed. "Hey, Kaito."


    I sat down next to Hiromasa and the silence got so heavy you could practically feel it.


    Miyasoto did her best to strike up a conversation. It worked, sort of. The only person who wasn¡¯t saying anything was me. It was as though I wasn¡¯t in the room at all. Saki barely looked my way and didn¡¯t even ask me how I¡¯d been or what I¡¯d been doing.


    The waiter brought our food. I stared down at my breaded pork cutlet while the others ate. I wasn¡¯t hungry at all. How could Saki just chat with Hiromasa and Miyasoto like it was no big deal? Why wasn¡¯t she saying anything at all to me? Didn¡¯t it matter to her that we hadn¡¯t seen each other in so long? Was I only ever something to be used up? Even if we weren¡¯t lovers, weren¡¯t we at least friends?


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me you were coming?¡± The bitter aggressiveness my own words surprised me.


    The table fell silent while Saki and I stared at each other.


    "Well, I don''t think I''ve ever felt more uncomfortable in my entire life." Hiromasa stood up. "Kimiko, drink bar?"


    "Sounds good to me," she said sanding up to join him. "When we get there, you can explain to me what you think a secret means."


    "Why didn''t you tell me you were coming?" I repeated after they left the room.


    She sighed. ¡°Because I really want you to move on with your life and you can¡¯t do that with me in it.¡±


    ¡°So you just decided by yourself?¡± I asked, my voice getting louder. ¡°That¡¯s so unfair, Saki! We¡¯ve been friends for years and you were just going to ditch me without a word?¡±


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t have let me say goodbye to you if I¡¯d tried. I only started texting you because Kimiko begged me. She thought it might help you to hear from me just a little bit since you weren¡¯t doing well.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well I probably wasn¡¯t doing well because somebody I thought I had a real connection with decided they wanted nothing to do with me and didn¡¯t even bother to let me know.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not good for you, Kaito,¡± she said softly. ¡°I¡¯m not good for anyone. You must see that by now.¡±


    ¡°I wholeheartedly disagree.¡±


    She smirked and shook her head. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have spoken to you again.¡±


    My chest tightened and a lump stuck in my throat. "That''s so cruel, Saki."


    Her eyes caught mine. "I''m a cruel person. I thought you knew that by now."


    I let out a sharp breath. She might as well have punched me in the chest.


    She stood up from the table abruptly. "I should go.¡±


    I leaned over and caught her wrist when she tried to leave the room. "Wait. You¡¯re going to see your mom, right?¡±


    ¡°That was the plan.¡±


    ¡°Let me come with you. You need someone there. You shouldn¡¯t have to do it alone.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    ¡°And what if you¡¯re not? Please, Saki. You¡¯re the one who involved me in this in the first place. Let me see it through.¡±


    She chuckled. ¡°I remember trying really hard not to involve you in my shit, actually.¡±


    I didn¡¯t answer, just continued staring at her, refusing to let go of her arm.


    ¡°Alright.¡± She sighed. ¡°Fine, but you know this might go seriously sideways?¡±


    I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s part of the reason I want to come.¡±


    ¡°Still doing me favors,¡± she muttered to herself.


    I wasn¡¯t really sure if I was or not. Was this for her or for me? I still wanted to support her and be there if her mom tried to tear her down, but I also wanted to see how this turned out for myself. I suppose this wasn¡¯t the first time the line between selfless and selfish had been a bit blurry with her.


    We left money on the table for the food, not even bothering to say goodbye to Hiromasa and Miyasoto as we left. I¡¯d probably just apologize later. Things were already awkward enough without uncomfortable farewells. Saki was probably even going to see Miyasoto sometime on her own anyway. They¡¯d apparently stayed quite close despite the miles that separated them. Meanwhile, Saki and I had grown so far apart that even walking a few feet from her felt like some vast, unconquerable canyon.


    The canyon only grew as we waited silently made our way from the restaurant to the train station. At some point she had outgrown me and moved on while I was stuck in the past. How would I ever reach her now?

 Chapter 31- Winter Bridge

    The subway had only just started moving when Saki turned to me. ¡°Thanks for coming with me.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± I smiled. ¡°Anytime.¡±


    She just shook her head at me.


    ¡°So, how are things going at The Weeping Willow?¡±


    I shrugged. ¡°Same old stuff, I guess. Nothing¡¯s changed too much since you were there. You said you were doing housekeeping in a hotel now?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, it pays my bills, barely.¡±


    ¡°Is that why you lost all the jewelry and cut your hair?¡±


    She chuckled, holding a few strands of hair between her fingers and examining them. ¡°Something like that. It¡¯s alright over there, I guess. I get left alone for the most part. It¡¯s not really as fun as it was working that summer with you, though.¡±


    I grinned. ¡°The restaurant was a lot more fun with you, too.¡±


    It felt good to be talking somewhat normally again. We felt in sync again. The weight that had been crushing my chest and stealing the breath from my lungs felt so much lighter. I was almost resentful when the train came to a stop.


    Saki got quiet again as we walked from the station to her mom¡¯s apartment building, but at least this time I knew why. I just hoped that the venomous, fire breathing creature that was behind the door last time wasn¡¯t the same one waiting for us this time. I¡¯d only ever seen the horrible creature that Saki¡¯s mother had become, not the nice person she used to be. The fact that Saki was here meant she had hope. I just prayed that hope wasn¡¯t going to be betrayed.


    My eyes fell to Saki¡¯s hand, swinging gently beside mine as we walked. I longed to take it and feed her comfort through my fingers, but I knew at that time anything like that would just complicate things. That was the last things he needed right now.


    Pretty soon we were staring at that same heavy metal door that I hadn¡¯t seen in nearly a year, and never really wanted to see again.


    Saki took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ¡°Well, here goes nothing.¡± She gave the door a hard knock.


    It didn¡¯t take long for her mom to answer the door. She looked even more surprised to see me than she did the last time.


    ¡°Come in,¡± her mother said after a pause and swept her arm in a welcoming gesture.


    Saki and I both took our shoes off at the entrance and entered the living room. It was clean, just like the last time I was here. I sure hoped it wasn¡¯t all a show.


    Her mother brought us all cups of tea, but it felt entirely too awkward and quiet to drink much of it.


    ¡°So¡­¡± Ms. Katayama started shakily. ¡°I¡¯m glad you agreed to come see me today.¡±


    Saki shrugged. ¡°Dad said he really thought you¡¯d made improvements. I figured it must be worth seeing if he was vouching for you.¡±


    She nodded. ¡°I¡¯d actually like us to all sit down together sometime, but for now I just wanted it to be the two of us.¡± Her eyes flicked to me for a second.


    ¡°He¡¯s here as insurance.¡± Saki answered her eye movements.


    ¡°Insurance?¡± Her mother asked.


    ¡°You have a habit of pulling the wool over my eyes and dragging me back into the pit. And I have a habit of falling for it every time.¡±


    Her mother bit her bottom lip, but nodded. ¡°That¡¯s fair.¡±


    I was actually pretty happy she was being so direct about it. Not that Saki usually danced around subjects, but I wasn¡¯t sure she¡¯d be quite the same with her mother.


    About a minute went by before she finally spoke again. ¡°I¡¯ve gone back on my medication and started going to therapy again. My therapist says she¡¯d actually really love to meet with you sometime.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re sticking with it this time, but I think we should take this one step at a time. Let¡¯s see how today goes first.¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± Her mother nodded.


    Ms. Katayama was being much more submissive and not at all volatile like last time. I wasn¡¯t exactly counting my chickens yet, though. My mind kept reminding me how sweet she sounded over the phone, and how that attitude had completely evaporated after I¡¯d actually gotten to the house.


    ¡°Saki, I¡­.¡± Her voice cracked as she pushed back tears. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry for what I put you through. I was in so much pain over the death of Matsuo and I couldn¡¯t find anywhere else to direct it. I felt so terrible when I hurt you. I¡¯m not even sure why I kept going. I got so lost in my own depression that a big part of me didn¡¯t care who I was blaming or pulling down with me.¡±


    Saki snorted and shook her head. ¡°That¡¯s not a justification, Mom.¡±


    ¡°No. No, it isn¡¯t.¡± She wiped the tears away that had started to run down her face. ¡°I know you can¡¯t forgive me right away. Maybe you never will. Words may not be enough, but I just had to tell you how sorry I am, Saki.¡±


    Her mother reached across the table to touch Saki¡¯s face, but Saki jerked back. ¡°No. Not yet.¡±


    Ms. Katayama nodded as she retracted her hand and sniffed some more.


    Saki cleared her throat and shifted around. ¡°I think that¡¯s enough for today.¡±


    We excused ourselves after that and were almost out the door before her mother called after me.


    ¡°Nagase Kaito, wasn¡¯t it?¡±


    I nodded.


    ¡°I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of my daughter.¡± She bowed.


    ¡°Uh¡­of course,¡± was all I could manage to ineloquently stammer before we shut the door behind us. I didn¡¯t even have the presence of mind to bow back. She¡¯d really caught me off guard.


    ¡°So, what did you think?¡± Saki asked me as we walked down the stairs of the apartment building.


    ¡°What did I think?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, did it sound sincere to you?¡± She made the question sound so easy.


    ¡°Uhhh¡­¡± I rubbed the back of my head. ¡°She sounded like she was actually sad, but I couldn¡¯t say why that is. Sad for you or sad for herself, you know?¡±


    Saki nodded. ¡°It¡¯s hard to say with her. I¡¯ve seen her pull that sort of thing before to lure me back home. It seemed a little more convincing this time. I guess maybe time will be the true test. It¡¯s not like I ever plan on going back there to stay.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± I said firmly.


    We reached the bottom of the stairs and I realized I had no idea where either of us was going next. Saki was looking off in the direction of the train station, fidgeting.


    ¡°You can always come stay with me. I mean, if you don¡¯t feel like going home by yourself.¡±


    She looked at me and smiled gently. ¡°Same old Kaito.¡±


    That was the face I missed. It was the one I remembered the most, Saki''s true face. Behind the stone skin layers of anger and sadness there was that look. The same one I''d seen when we were thirteen.


    ¡°Sorry it¡¯s so small,¡± I said after we¡¯d reached the apartment and started to take off our shoes.


    ¡°Ah, well, guess I¡¯d better take off then and get back to the palace I live in.¡±


    ¡°Keep it up.¡± I led her through the small walkway that also served as the kitchen and into the only room in the apartment besides the bathroom and washroom.


    We sat at the small table in the center of the room and I put on the TV for her to fill the silence a little. At first I wasn¡¯t paying attention to how close I was sitting to her. I¡¯d just put myself there out of habit. But as soon as I realized it, it was all I could think about. I started to slide closer. I just couldn¡¯t help myself.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    She turned to look at me and I leaned closer still. I could smell that familiar orange jasmine scent, feel her breath on my skin. I''m not entirely sure what possessed me to lean in and kiss her, but for just a moment, I felt her give into me, and it felt so good. Then, her lips became tight and she shoved my chest, pushing me away.


    "Kaito, God damn you."


    She stared to get up, but I grabbed her and wrapped my arms around her.


    "Please, don''t go," I whispered. "I won''t try anything again, but don''t go. I¡¯m sorry."


    She didn''t answer.


    "Please," I repeated.


    She sighed and put her arms around my back. "How could I leave when you''re being so pathetic?"


    She was right. I was being pathetic, but I didn¡¯t care. I just needed her there.


    After a little while, I calmed down and sat a respectful distance away again. We started talking about all the stuff that''d happened over the past several months. She told me that in addition to working as a housekeeper she also worked as a waitress sometimes. I felt kind of bad about that. I''d always thought Saki would like a job doing something outside much better. Her landlady was some bitter old shrew. She said her dad couldn''t even stand the woman, and he liked just about everyone. It sounded like her and her dad were actually getting along pretty well. It was really good to hear.


    Eventually, I fell asleep with her in my arms. And for that single, precious, cold night everything was as it should have been.


    But my dreams never last, so when I awoke in the morning, she was gone. I found a note laying on the table that read, "Thanks for everything."


    I ripped my phone off the night stand and pressed the call button so hard I hurt my own finger. She answered after the second ring.


    I didn''t even wait for her to say anything before launching into her. "What the hell, Saki? You couldn''t even let me say goodbye? That''s really unfair. You could have woken me up."


    "Sorry," she said.


    Sorry? The word drained the anger from my body and replaced it with dread. She''d never apologized for anything before. Not ever.


    "You have no idea how sorry I am, Kaito, for all of it, for everything. I am so sorry." Her voice was soft and sad. "I can''t fix it, but I can try and make it better. You said I didn¡¯t let you know last time we weren¡¯t going to see each other. Well, this time, I¡¯m letting you know. I''ve decided not to contact Kimiko anymore either. You won''t see or hear from me again. You can overcome this. I know you can. Goodbye, Kaito."


    She hung up the phone. I immediately tried to call her again, but it went straight to voicemail. I let out a wordless yell and threw the phone at the bed. It bounced off and hit the floor. I sat down with my head buried in my hands, her last words echoing in my head.


    I called in sick for the very first time that day, and the day after, and the day after that. When I finally did manage to drag myself to work, I wasn''t the same. I did my job and went home. That was it. I talked to people the minimal amount, often giving one word responses. Many of my coworkers showed concern and tried to help, especially Kuroda and Iwamoto, but I just shrugged it off and claimed I was fine.


    I didn''t make plans with anyone after work anymore and I would turn down anyone who offered. Why bother trying? Instead, I returned home to wallow in regret and depression.


    With little distraction and loads of time on my hands, I had a lot of time to think. This never ended well. Usually, by the end of the night, my mood would go one of two ways: blood boiling angry or crushing despair. A couple times a week, this led me to make really stupid decisions. I would call up Saki, knowing full well she wouldn''t answer and it would go straight to voicemail, and leave a message. Depending on my emotional state, I would either leave a pathetic plea for her to come back, or I would scream into the phone, demanding that she stop ignoring me. I said some very horrible things to her, claiming that she was no better than Yokota or that I wished she hadn''t come back at all.


    I regretted both the pathetic and the angry versions, and always felt sick to my stomach afterwards.


    Occasionally, I would call her just to tell her about my day or reminisce about old times. She was probably deleting all of these messages without listening to them at all, but it comforted me to do it anyway.


    It only took me around a month to realize I couldn¡¯t live the way I was. There was no future in it. I wanted so much to go back to the way things were, but that was impossible. I wished I could move forward with my life and leave her behind as some bittersweet memory, but I couldn''t do that either. I was stuck. Why was I so focused on this unhealthy thing? Maybe I was sicker than I''d realized.


    I decided my only way out was to finally lay myself completely bare in front of her. Maybe my mom and Hiromasa were right. Maybe it would give me closure. How stupid that after all these years I was going to do what everyone told me I should have done before, what I should have done in the beginning; tell her I loved her.


    I called her one day late in December, somewhere between Christmas and the new year, informing her that I needed to talk. I told her this was something I must do in order to save my sanity. I tried my best to push my sincerity into the words. I wanted it to sound different than all my calls before. I had no idea if it was going to work. She had obviously blocked the number, so she wouldn''t get an alert at all. Even if she bothered to listen to the message, there was no guarantee that she would respond. I''m not sure I really had a plan B if she didn''t. I would have had to track her down like the crazy ex I was, I suppose. I was steadfast in my decision to speak with her.


    I received a very brief text in response, simply listing the time and place. That alone was enough to bring a smile to my lips. She''d chosen the bridge in the park that we''d visited on Christmas Eve that night in high school. It was a pretty good choice in my opinion.


    My heart was in my throat the entire morning leading up to the meeting, and I had to fight not to sprint as I made my way down the gravel path leading to the bridge. As soon as she came into view, my body instantly felt lighter. My heart hammered away in my chest as I watched her on that bridge, gazing out into the water. It was a clear day, not like the snowy night when we were here last. But again, it wasn¡¯t the view I was looking at.


    I slowed to a stop behind her. "Saki."


    She turned around and met me with smile. "Kaito."


    "It''s nice out today," I said, taking a look around.


    "Called me here to talk about the weather?" she asked.


    "No." I shook my head. "I wasn''t sure if you would actually get my message, but I guess since you did, that means..." I trailed off.


    "All of them," she said, answering my unasked question. "I listened to all of them."


    I grimaced and shoved my hands into my pockets. "I''m sorry. You didn''t deserve that. I didn''t mean any of it."


    She chuckled. "I don''t know. I think I kind of did."


    I shook my head rapidly. "No you didn''t. I really don''t think that. I-"


    "Kaito," she cut me off. "You didn''t come to talk about the weather or to apologize. Say what you came to say."


    I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "This is going to be hard for me. Will you listen until I''m done?"


    She nodded.


    "Saki, I..." I put my head down. I couldn''t look at her while I said it. I couldn''t see the face she was going to make until I was all done or else I was never going to finish. I took another breath and started again. "Saki, I love you. I''ve loved you for a long time. I know you know that already and I know you don''t feel the same way about me, but I can''t go on like this. All these years all I ever wanted to do was save you, but instead, I think you saved me. I can''t go on not speaking to you, not seeing you. It''s killing me. It kills me a little more each day. You were such a big part of my life. I need you, even if you hate me or it''s just pretend. I will tie myself to a chair when I''m around you if that''s what it takes for me to keep from touching you, but I have to see you. I also know what day it is and I know what¡¯s coming. You shouldn¡¯t have to face it alone just because of my selfishness. You¡¯ve been fighting it alone for so long. You don¡¯t have to be alone anymore, Saki. So, please."


    I took a deep breath once more and looked up slowly, bracing for whatever look I was going to receive. Would she be mad? Disgusted? Maybe she would just say something cruel and walk away. I was not prepared for what I saw.


    She was crying.


    Tears clung to her lashes and ran down her face. "You idiot, of course I love you."


    It felt like sunlight had flooded my entire being. Had I heard that right? Yes, I was sure I did. Had I died on the way over here? If that was true, I was not complaining.


    "But, you said..." My words weren''t coming together and my mind was having a hard time keeping up. "You...why? Since when?"


    She rubbed her palms against her cheeks, trying to regain composure. "I''ve loved you since that very first night when we were thirteen, when you decided I was someone worth saving. Those new emotions scared me and I hated to think what would happen to you if you got mixed up in my mess of a life, so I ran away."


    I shook my head in disbelief. "Why this then?" I spread my arms. "Why any of this? Why not tell me sooner if you knew all this time?"


    "Because I am so very broken and you deserve so much better."


    "I''ve never once thought of you that way," I said.


    "That''s because you''re an idiot." She smiled and reached her hands out behind her, grabbing onto the railing for support. "You have no idea how happy I was when I saw you in class three years later. I was content to leave it like that. I thought I was lucky just to see you again, but you wouldn''t let it go. You said you wanted to be my friend. You made it so easy. I told myself I would let it go on just long enough to help you. I hated what people had done to you and I just wanted you to be better again, but after that, I just kept making up excuses. I promised myself it would just be for the rest of the summer, then until the first of the year, and I just kept going. You have no idea how much I wanted to warp you into something bad, so that I might be worthy of you, and at the same time, how much I wanted to preserve the Kaito I knew completely." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I hate myself for that. I hate myself for a lot of things. You showed up at my apartment that day and I..." She buried her face in her hands and started to cry again. "All I ever did was make things hard for you and hurt you, but for some reason you''re still standing here."


    I couldn''t hold back any longer. I wrapped my arms around her and pushed her head against my chest. "Please stop crying. You have no idea how happy I am right now."


    "Didn''t you hear me?" she asked in a muffled voice. "I said I wanted to warp you."


    I shook my head. "I don''t care."


    "I''ll lash out again," she whispered.


    I smiled. "I don''t care."


    "I still break things."


    "I don''t care."


    "I still steal things on occasion."


    I seized both sides of her face and kissed her deeply. "If you think for a second I''m letting you walk away after what you said, you''re even more of an idiot than I am."


    She wrapped her arms around my back and buried her face in my chest again. I smiled and cradled her head, not really caring if we stood there the whole day.


    Eventually, she pulled away and wiped her red, puffy eyes with her sleeve.


    "Jeeze. You''ve become quite the cry baby, you know?"


    She laughed and punched my shoulder. "Shut up."


    "Come on." I grabbed her hand. "Let''s go home."


    She smiled and nodded. "I think you owe me food for making me cry like that."


    I chuckled as we started walking. "I absolutely agree. I''m not sure how much damage I can do in that tiny kitchen, but we''ll find out."


    "Eight course dinner, then?" She smirked.


    I laughed. "Of course. Hot or cold desert?"


    She pretended to mull it over and shrugged. "Chef''s choice, as long as it has strawberries."


    I nodded and kept right on staring at her with that smile of mine that just wouldn''t quit. She stared back at me, not with loneliness or rejection, but with a look of happiness. Her eyes matched her smile, no longer sinister or sad. It was that carefree one that she wore so rarely, the one that was now my responsibility to preserve.


    True to my word, I was no prince riding a white horse and this was no fairytale, but I think for a backwater peasant riding a donkey, I did pretty well for myself.


    Higoshi Saki, an anomaly in my mundane routine.