《Can I Stop Being Trash?》


 Chapter 1

    "They really had to slam the door in my face, didn''t they?" Lee sighed as he stood in front of the place he called his home.


    The harsh words could still be heard, ringing in his ears.


    Lee could feel the bubbling of panic and emotions. It only reminded him that things were over and that he was forced into the unknown.


    His eyes trailed down the door and landed on the pack that he used to use for school before he had dropped out. Instead of holding the textbooks and notes for his classes, it contained a few articles of clothing and some random items of food -- some that were just vegetables about to spoil.


    Even though he knew that standing in front of the door wouldn''t solve anything, Lee couldn''t help but stay close to the last place he lived back when his mom was still alive.


    Tears began to well up as his vision blurred.


    He pushed up his glasses and wiped away the tears with one hand.


    "I''m sorry, mom. I really let you down." Lee thought to himself -- wishing he could hear his mother''s gentle voice that would always encourage him that things would get better.


    He reached for the pack on the ground.


    Compared to the previous times he had picked up his pack, it felt heavier despite not having much inside. Putting his arms through the shoulder straps, Lee now had everything he owned on his body.


    Turning around, there were only a few lights on in the neighborhood -- typical for a suburb.


    With how late it was, most of the people in the nearby homes were already asleep -- to prepare for the next day. The activity would start again as the sun rises and people start waking off and getting ready to head off to work. Kids would leave their homes to wait for the buses to pick them up and take them to school.


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    It was an experience that never seemed to change -- a positive of suburban life. The day-to-day life remaining the same and the security were why people eventually moved out of the city.


    The problem was that if anyone didn''t fit into the mold, neighbors would begin to gossip. There would be whispers about how such behavior could affect the property value or the need to keep their kids away from such poor influences.


    Thinking about how he''d no longer see the familiar sight, Lee didn''t know whether to be happy or sad.


    Walking off the front porch, the sounds of his steps felt like they echoed on the concrete path that connected to the driveway.


    As he walked on the path, Lee couldn''t help but remember the numerous days he had to mow the lawn or shovel snow off of the driveway and porch. It was funny that he thought about such things. Either regular tasks -- often interrupting his gaming sessions -- were something he never enjoyed. His dad would yell for him to get outside and cut the grass or clear away the snow.


    Having his headphones on, Lee wouldn''t hear the first time his dad called out to him, leading his dad to barge into his room and threaten to take away gaming privileges.


    "I wonder what dad will think when he hears that I was kicked out?" Lee wondered. He couldn''t picture of realistic reaction, making him dismiss the thought.


    Stepping onto the road, Lee couldn''t help but look in both directions for any cars that may be driving.


    As he stood at the edge of the property that used to belong to him, he turned his head to look at the tan-colored single-story house where he had lived and called home for more than a decade.


    Returning to look at the road, deciding which way to walk came into mind.


    "I''m not left with much of a choice...," Lee took a deep breath to gain control of his emotions that still wanted to drive him into despair.


    Thinking of which direction to travel, in his mind, Lee tried to think of anyone that would be willing to let him crash on the couch for the night.


    But as he went through the mental list, it soon dawned upon him that most of the people he knew -- that he''d consider being friends -- either moved away after gaining a full-time job or have started their own families in other territories.


    Within a few hours of driving, the few that he knew had stopped associating with him.


    Realizing that he didn''t even have friends created more pressure on Lee.


    "I really am trash," Lee chuckled as his heart sank.


    Not thinking there was any correct direction, Lee just started walking on the street.

 Chapter 2

    The spring air was much cooler than what would be expected. Feeling the night breeze, Lee couldn''t help but shiver slightly. He crossed his arms -- tucking his hands into his armpits.


    "If I had more time, I could''ve made sure that I was prepared," Lee couldn''t help but regret not grabbing either a jacket or a hoodie.


    He could hear his stepmother yelling at him that there wasn''t any point for him to look with how messy his room was.


    Thinking back to his room, it did give the impression of a trash heap with everything piled up. This included plates, to-go boxes, old clothes, and numerous items that would''ve likely needed to be thrown out because the room hadn''t been cleaned in years.


    Walking past the houses of his former neighborhood, Lee couldn''t help but imagine that they''d agree with how things turned out and that he deserved the treatment he had received.


    "If I had known that not cleaning my room and my behavior would cause such an incident...," Lee started to say to himself but stopped. A wave of regret and sadness could be felt. "I wouldn''t have changed anything."


    Though it was hard to admit it, thinking about how he had placed himself into a situation where no one was there for him to rely on forced him to acknowledge that nothing would''ve been different.


    He looked up at the clear night sky and stared at the stars.


    In the past, the stars didn''t have much meaning to him. The stars and moon were just things that lit up the night sky, sometimes something he''d look at when waiting for a game to load.


    Reaching one of the main roads, there were cars that would occasionally drive past.


    Not having felt a desire to explore the area at night, Lee looked at the gas stations, 24-hour convenience stores, and fast-food restaurants and couldn''t believe that things were open so late.


    "I guess I might as well head to one of those places," Lee thought.


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    He couldn''t help but feel happy at the thought of being inside someplace warm, even for a moment. At the same time, there was a desire to rest after walking for more than a mile.


    Now that traffic was greater than in the suburbs, Lee stepped onto the grass next to the main road.


    "I should''ve tried to put more effort into losing some weight," Lee sighed.


    Even with how little he had walked, his body dragged due to being tired. It protested, not enjoying what was happening and preferring the comfort of the cushioned computer chair or a bed.


    As a car drove past, Lee noticed that the drivers would look at him. Their expressions conveyed confusion.


    "I look a little silly -- clearly not dressed for the weather. This is on top of walking so late at night." Lee chuckled sadly to himself.


    Now that he didn''t have a place to stay, it would become a regular occurrence for people to stare at him.


    Lee couldn''t help but scratch at his short hair. The accumulated oil made his fingers feel slick and greasy.


    Earlier that morning, his stepmother had chastised him for not taking a shower for several days. It wasn''t until that moment, with no access to a place to clean himself, that he wished that he had listened.


    A wave of shame was felt, knowing that he''d be entering one of the businesses smelling strongly of someone that hadn''t bathed for some time.


    The closer he approached one of the businesses -- a convenience store -- Lee couldn''t help but feel anxious.


    He saw a man leaving the store, glancing over at Lee, before entering his truck.


    Seeing the man look at him, Lee tried his best to not think that the man was judging him. It was just the natural curiosity people have, especially with Lee looking the way he did walking at night on the side of the road.


    Stepping into the parking lot, there was a brief spike in panic. A part of him wanted to run away into the nearby wooded area -- leaving behind civilization.


    "C''mon, Lee. You got this." Lee tried to make himself feel better about the situation. "This isn''t going to get any better."


    Taking a deep breath, Lee made his way toward the lighted interior of the store.


    His eyes casually glanced at the posters on the window, advertising various products found inside. One of the posters promoted a drink that was less than a silver coin.


    Seeing the sugary drink made Lee''s mouth water; his brain made the connection and prepared his body.


    Lee would''ve been drinking soda or other popular sugary energy beverage while gaming if it was a typical night. It was the standard behavior -- practically a ritual.


    Laughing at himself, "I imagine drinking that stuff also helped contribute to my current weight." Patting his large belly that barely seemed to be covered by his shirt, "At least me getting kicked out means that I''ll be going on that diet that I always said I''d be going on."


    Reaching the door, Lee pushed it open.