《If We Could See Forever》 Chapter 1 Memories It was snowing when he came out of the hospital. Snowflakes fluttered in the air, flapping his face with the icy cold wind. Till then, Eric Cleese finally realized, the winter had already come. It¡¯s another usual chilly winter of Chicago. Eric wiped his face and fixed his scarf mindlessly. Reports were clasped in his hands, all rumpled. At other times, Eric would press all winkles from it with patience. But at this moment, he had no intention to do this. The diagnosis he got made him feel a bit numb. While waiting for the likely-never-coming bus, Eric fumbled his phone out and dialed a number that he remembered so well. Maybe, too well. All he got was a cold and endless busy tone. He dialed again and again, holding the phone to his ear, till his hand was frozen by the wind. He quitted. Balling up his reports, Eric threw them in a dustbin nearby. About half an hour later, the bus finally arrived. There were only a few people in it and left enough space for Eric. He chose a seat at the very end of the bus, dialing once again. This time, it was answered. ¡°It¡¯s snowing. It¡¯s winter now.¡± He bit back a whimper, keeping his voice steady. Although he tried very hard, tears were streaming down his face. There were always things he couldn¡¯t control. At the other end of the phone, John Chapman gently put a shush finger on lips of the twink lying beside him. If there was anything he hated most in this world, that would be Eric¡¯s charades. ¡°Is it emergency? I¡¯m kind of busy now.¡± ¡°Will you come back tonight? You¡¯ve been left so long?¡± Eric rubbed his wedding ring absently. Tears dropped on the little silver ring, making it even shinier. John sensed something different from his tone: after all, they¡¯d been together for 14 years. He raised his perfect eyebrows, pressing, ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Eric didn¡¯t answer. Instead, he asked again, ¡°Will you come back? We¡¯ve agreed snowy day is dumpling day. Chinese dumplings, tortellini, or ravioli¡­ you name it! I¡¯ll cook for you.¡± Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. ¡°Can¡¯t do it. It¡¯s a really busy day.¡± John was rolling his eyes now. If there was anything he hated more than Eric¡¯s interminable riddles, that would be his calmness. How could he be so calm about anything and everything? John replied carelessly, ¡°Don¡¯t cook. Eat out. I¡¯ll ask my secretary to pack some from your favorite restaurant. Need to go. Talk to you later.¡± Then, he hung up. Eric was completely still. He held to phone to his ear, listening to the tedious revolving busy signal. After God knows how long, he finally collected himself and stuck the phone back in his pocket. How could one too busy to back home for dinner? Eric knew John had an affair with someone, long before any other realized. From four years ago, John Chapman was already not the earnest and loving man he once was. Eric saw how life changed him and could do nothing about it. He always tried to convince himself that those beautiful young things were just meaningless flings. Men all do that. And John Chapman was nothing but a normal, middle-aged man. It¡¯s not that he didn¡¯t care. He cared too much and was afraid to confront John with his affairs. He was afraid that the truth would tear their already damaged little family apart. He had loved John for over 10 years and would continue to do so. He was so used to John¡¯s scent, voice, and the feeling of his body pressing on his back, and could risk losing him forever. So, he kept quiet. He ignored the strange perfume he smelt on John¡¯s suit; brushed aside the sharp pain that crossed his heart when he saw lipstick on John¡¯s collar and believed every ridiculous excuse his lover fed him. They were so in love once. What did life do to them and turned the sweetness of love into bitterness of betray? It seemed that John loved him the most when life was hard for them. Eric got off the bus when he arrived at their apartment. Although with usually pale face and red-rimmed eyes, he was absolutely collected; and no one would know he had been crying all the way back. He quitted the plan of grocery shopping: it¡¯s for the preparation of the dumpling day. Since John refused to back for dinner, there was no need to cook for himself. He was in fact begging John to come back because Eric really didn¡¯t know if he¡¯s still alive on the snow days of next year. John¡¯s s secretary, Thomas Mattei, came in no time. He was all suit up and still holding a thick roll of documents. He bowed to Eric and handed him a delicate hamper. Eric smiled coyly, ¡°You shouldn¡¯t do this. You are John¡¯s secretary, not his valet.¡± Thomas was also smiling, ¡°Well, I¡¯ve heard that Secretary is the modern way to call a valet.¡± He chatted with Eric for a little longer, then left. Eric put the hamper on the table and stared at it blankly. For over 10 years, they had sat at this table, chatting happily and making dumplings together. John always acted like a child, filling chocolates and coins in dumplings and claiming it¡¯s an ancient Chinese charm, would bring lucks to one who ate dumplings with them. He¡¯d always said that Eric was the luckier one, and he needed to eat more special dumplings to fill the gap between them. His nose bled again. Eric calmly wiped blood clean and wondered, maybe, just maybe, he got sick because he gave all lucky dumplings and his luck to John. Thomas brought him several different kinds of dumplings, but he only ate four. In his mind, each one of them represented a season and hopefully would keep him safe all year round. Four was good enough for now. Eric thought dizzily. He got a low fever and felt he was slowly swallowed by exhaustion and sorrow. Finally, he decided to take a nap. A rest would melt all grieving and make them into a vintage called loneliness. Chapter 2 Orchid Eric didn¡¯t get the kind of ¡®good night¡¯ he intended to have. He kept having nightmares and woke up much earlier than usual. After awake, he swallowed a handful of pills and almost choked on some pretty large ones. He looked into the mirror, but didn¡¯t find his face, only saw a skinny pale man with hollowed eyes. He got washed, drunk a cup of icy cold water, picked the thickest jacket in his closet, and dressed up. His phone rang the moment he stepped out of the house. With a secret anticipation, he pulled it out and was disappointed once again. It¡¯s from his doctor, asking him to be hospitalized. He gave the same answer he¡¯d given the doctor a day before, ¡°No, thank you. I need to think about it.¡± It¡¯s still quite early in the morning. The sun was not out yet, and the sky was greyish white. But the snow already stopped. Eric then walked for half an hour to find a breakfast cart once was loved dearly by both him and John. The owner still remembered Eric. He grinned at him as greeting, ¡°Where have you been? Haven¡¯t seen you around for so long.¡± Eric grinned back, ¡°We moved to a new place. It¡¯s a bit far from here.¡± The owner¡¯s helper, also his wife, handed Eric a cup of free lemonade, frowning slightly, ¡°Is your job that tough? You look emaciated to me.¡± Eric didn¡¯t answer, just smile. His job was fine. The real thing, or people, tortured him was John. They gave Eric¡¯s favorite: potlikker, omelet, and roasted potatoes. Eric dipped potatoes in steaming potlikker, feeling like cry again. The price of food here was never raised in more than a decade; the owner managed to keep the flavor unchanged. However, the plate and bowl were much smaller than before. Just like John. He was still the man Eric met years ago, only didn¡¯t care about Eric much as before. Eric was not hungry, but he still ate everything on his plate. During which, he kept looking down, trying to hide his watery eyes. He remembered that when they were young and penniless, their money could only afford one potlikker and no omelet or roasted potatoes. They both pushed the plate to the other one, hoping their lover could get more delicious food. In the end, they shared the potlikker on one plate. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. He always thought they were acting like a human version of Lady and the Tramp. On that day, John cried like a child while eating. He promised that he would never forget this day and would love Eric forever. Well, it turned out that he was the only one who believed John¡¯s promise. Later, Eric vomited everything he ate this morning in a public lavatory nearby. He was so scared right now. By loneliness, by sorrow, and by the chilly feeling, he got while walking alone in the long corridor of the hospital. In the end, Eric made an appointment with Dr. Idle and managed to get there on time. He sat face to face with the doctor, looking at Dr. Idle¡¯s orchids on the windowsill. The doctor tried to convince him to be hospitalized and start his treatment as soon as possible. Eric didn¡¯t answer immediately. After a long, long pause, he finally swallowed his tears and grievance, chuckled, ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m a bit spoiled. Single child, you know. I can¡¯t endure that kind of pain alone.¡± ¡°I¡¯m running out of painkillers. Can I get more, doctor?¡± Eric shrugged, ¡°I¡¯ll think about the treatment thing. I promise.¡± ¡°Oh and, doctor, my nose is not bleeding as frequently as before. But I¡¯m still getting a fever. I think it never will cure.¡± ¡°I had a dream two days ago. I dreamt that I¡¯m changed into an oven, and my organs are all burning in it.¡± ¡°At that moment, I really believed I would die there.¡± Dr. Idle was writing a prescription for Eric and paused for this weird tale he just heard. He¡¯d treated so many patients with terminal illnesses. They were all scared, depressing, or both. But no one was lonely as Eric Cleese. ¡°I¡¯m your doctor, Mr. Cleese. And I really want to be your friend and be your side while you are suffering. If you want, I can even hold your hands when you are afraid or in pain.¡± ¡°Everything will be fine, Mr. Cleese.¡± The doctor said gently. ¡°There is always hope.¡± Dr. Idle was the youngest M.D. in this hospital, but also the most famous and skillful one. Most of the time, he intended to act much more mature than his age. But to comfort Eric, he forced himself to use a vivacious and intimate tone, ¡°It¡¯s not terrible as you thought and will last only a few minutes. After that, you will feel so good and could even sign up for WWE.¡± Eric was amused. He laughed a little but insisted on his answer, ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡± The doctor handed him a potted orchid, ¡°Cheer up. Develop a habit. Flower growing will be a good start.¡± Eric raised his eyebrows in surprise, ¡°I¡­ thank you for your concern, doctor. But I really know nothing about flowers. And I know orchids are expensive and hard to tend.¡± ¡°Maybe a little, but definitely not hard as you think. I hope you can make up your mind sooner. The sooner you are treated, the sooner you will be cured, and the sooner you can tend my flower.¡± Dr. Idle waved his hand, giving Eric a coy and a little childish smiling. Eric was not convinced. He didn¡¯t even like flowers and would surely not fit the doctor¡¯s expectation. And, he was sure that he could not be comforted by a simple plant. But, still, Dr. Idle meant well. So, he accepted the flower and put the small pot carefully in his pocket. There were not enough painkillers in the hospital¡¯s pharmacy, and the pharmacist told him to come back in a week. Eric left without complaint. After all, he still got some at home. He was out for far too long. Pain and weakness started to chew him inside out. He needed to back home as soon as possible. Chapter 3 Essays Eric had heard that hurt could kill people when it¡¯s getting so bad. He¡¯s thought it was yet another urban legend. Now. he knew he was wrong. He was so, so, so wrong. He wondered, maybe the illness planted a seed of pain inside his body. It had been fed with his flesh and blood, attaching to his torso like vines attaching to a tree. It was sucking everything comfortable and sweet out of his body, leaving only unending torment and bitterness. The pain attacked while Eric was walking up the stairs: today was the monthly overhauling day for lifts in the building. For continuous interference of the pain, he walked really, really slow. It took him almost half an hour to get home. When he got in, Eric was panting and sweating. He leaned on the door frame to support his body, or he couldn¡¯t even stand straight because he hurt so bad that his head felt splitting. He put all his pills in several glass wishing bottles. The sun glinted off their shining surface, forming curious and charming halos around them. Their eye-catching beauty hid the brutal truth of the pills. He¡¯d loved to collect beautiful wishing bottles since he was young. Now, all his collections were working as pill bottles. His stomach was also aching. He knew he should take pills with warm water, but he was not in the mood. So, he gulped down a handful of pills with cold water anyway, then went to bed, trying to grab some sleep. He lay on his side, tucking his knees under his chin, curling up into a ball. He believed he heard the water he drank earlier tinkling in his stomach. John hadn¡¯t backed home for 19 days. That was kind of a record: he¡¯d never left so long. Only 19 days, but Eric felt as if he¡¯d already endured a lifetime of loneliness and pain. He reminded the day he went to get the examination. He did everything on his own, even bone marrow aspiration. Other patients were sobbing and moaning in pain, but Eric kept completely silent. Through the entire process, he only asked at the very beginning if he could still walk after everything¡¯s done. He told the nurse he lived alone; no one would come for him. He knew he had an unusual obsession with this large yet empty house and didn¡¯t know the reason. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. He thought, maybe, he looked at it as proof of John¡¯s love. Another wave of sharp pain cut through his head. Eric couldn¡¯t help but whimper, grabbing the bedsheet forcefully. He got off the bed, meaning to find something to soothe the pain. Wondering in the room for a little while, he opened a drawer of the desk beside his bed and took out a book. It was a collection of Jane Zachary¡¯s [fictional writer] essays and given to him years ago. Eric tucked himself deep in the soft sofa, starting to read it. While reading, a gentle and sweet smile crept on his lips slowly. The book was dog-eared, but notes he left in the past were still there. Eric¡¯s neat handwriting was lying on the title page, just a little under the author¡¯s name: ¡°My love, you are in a Neverland that I miss so much but nowhere to find.¡± It¡¯s his favorite Jane Zachary¡¯s quotation. By then, he wrote it down as an emo teenager, and now it was well suited to his miserable love life. Eric still remembered that normal yet unbelievable afternoon: a cocky and handsome boy stopped him in school, handed him this book. He was blushing and apparently bashful, ¡°I¡¯ve heard that this Zachary woman is your favorite writer. So, I bought it as a gift for you. Hope you will like it. And, uh, hope you can have a cup of tea with me, later. Will you?¡± Eric was laughing and crying for the memory of those golden days. He held the book close to his heart, burying his tear-damped face in a cushion. This day, John was back. The click of his keys awoke Eric. He sat straight on the sofa, waiting for John to come in. It was already late at night. The room and Eric were both dipped in the darkness. John thought Eric was already asleep. He tiptoed through the room, turned on the night light, and saw Eric looking at him, white as a ghost. He nearly jumped out of his skin by sight, ¡°What¡¯s wrong with you? Why are you sitting in the dark?¡± Looking at Eric¡¯s face, John was a bit agitated and embarrassed. He had been lived with his new toyboy recently. Eric¡¯s sudden call reminded him that he still needed to go home and brought back his long-forgotten guilty. ¡°I just dozed on the sofa and was awaked by the door. Everything is done now?¡± Eric shrugged, putting the book gently on a taboret nearby. John didn¡¯t pay any attention to Eric¡¯s condition or the book. He took off his coat, loosened his tie, and threw both of which on the sofa, ¡°Yeah, sort of. And you, my dearest, you haven¡¯t called me for days.¡± ¡°Are you losing weight?¡± John noticed Eric¡¯s bony neck and hollowed eyes, frowning. ¡°Eat something, for God¡¯s sake. You look like a walking skeleton. That¡¯s creepy.¡± Eric¡¯s chest was tight for John¡¯s comment. He knew the exact word his lover really wanted to say was not creepy but disgusting. After all, it¡¯s already 14 years since they met, and John needed new stimuli. He chuckled. Of course, he wasn¡¯t losing weight. He was just sick. The breakfast cart¡¯s owner and his wife, even his doctor, would show some care to him, soothing him with warm words and manners. And John, the man he¡¯d called lover for over a decade, could only rebuke him for not looking good enough. Eric had been with John Chapman far too long to know that this man could be gentle, caring, and sweet. But he would never show this part of him to those he didn¡¯t care. Now, Eric was also on the long list of people who were disregarded by John. And there was nothing Eric could do about it. Chapter 4 Scarifies Eric didn¡¯t in the mood for a game named ¡°fighting-for-John¡¯s attention¡±. For these years, he was so tired of John¡¯s lies and emotional abuse. He was already half-asleep when John got out of the shower and awoken by the sinking of the mattress. John climbed on, lying behind Eric, with an arm around his waist. He rubbed Eric¡¯s bony back, gaping, ¡°God, you are scrawny¡­ anything wrong?¡± ¡°Nothing. Just as you said, I¡¯m losing weight.¡± Eric mumbled drily. John couldn¡¯t see Eric¡¯s face, still believing he was mad at him for his three-week-long absence. He pressed a series of light kisses alongside Eric¡¯s spine, trying to soothe the anger only existing in his imagination. ¡°Stop it. It¡¯s a very long day, and I¡¯m too tired to enjoy this.¡± Eric turned to face John, pushing him away. John was actually also not in the mood: He had spent over three weeks living with his new lover and was in dire need of sleep. But Eric¡¯s rejection still hurt his pride because he was always so sure that Eric would do anything to make him happy. ¡°We haven¡¯t had sex for over three weeks! Don¡¯t¡¯ you miss it?! Don¡¯t you miss me?!¡± He inquired grimly. Eric didn¡¯t want to see John¡¯s face. He turned around again, facing the other with his back, ¡°Just tired. Don¡¯t be a child. Get some rest.¡± John frowned. He knew Eric must be hiding something from him but couldn¡¯t prove it. Eric was always so calm, and no one could get anything out of him if he refused to talk. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Besides, John didn¡¯t have the courage to confront Eric: after all, he was the unfaithful one. So, he controlled his curiosity and anger, closing his eyes and trying to sleep. This time, Eric was wide-awake. His head was splitting as if it was riddled with holes. It had been torturing him for almost half a month. He thought it was caused by John¡¯s absence and would be fine when he came back. Turned out, John¡¯s presence only aggravated it. The first time he outed to his family, his beloved mother warned him that he would be betrayed by this man. Because, law and society were both against their so-called relationship. While in youth, one might believe that love could make anything possible. But, seen too many in her life, Eric¡¯s mother knew love was pretty powerless. She believed that John would replace him with a younger or charmer man years later. And when Eric begged for John¡¯s back, nothing would redeem their love or relationship. Maybe, I just hated to part with him¡­ Eric turned to look at John, who was soundly sleeping. He put his arms around John¡¯s waist, whispering, ¡°We have only one year¡­ I don¡¯t care about your affair, I really don¡¯t. Just, don¡¯t leave me¡­¡± With his eyes closing, John held Eric tight to his heart. He muttered in dream, ¡°Ricky¡­ honey¡­¡± Tears ran down Eric¡¯s cheek, melting soundlessly in the darkness. He loved it too hard and couldn¡¯t let it go at all. It was true that John was the one who said the three magical little words first, but Eric was the one who had been making concessions for their relationship and love. John hoped he could stay at home and be a househusband after their company started to make real money. Eric agreed. He gave up his position in the company, gave away his stakes to John, and learned how to cook like a good lover. Apparently, his sacrifices only got betrayal in return. He didn¡¯t have much personal money. Most of their properties belonged to John, who¡¯d rather giving them to his other lovers than spend on Eric. Eric¡¯s bank account was continuously shrinking after he was diagnosed and achieving an almost spooky number. It was also one of the reasons he refused to be hospitalized. ¡°Be good to me¡­ for all these years, I¡¯ve never mad at you¡­ don¡¯t betray me again, and you will really regret it one day¡­¡± After diagnosed, Eric had thought a lot. He had imagined if he didn¡¯t fall for John and give up everything for him, would he have a better life? Would he still have family and friends? Would he, like everyone in the world, live a quiet and normal life? Chapter 5 Spaghetti In the most difficult times, it¡¯s John¡¯s love that had kept him going. Just like thorny roses, love would hurt one while saving one¡¯s life. Eric was always the star pupil in his class. He¡¯s kind-hearted, good-looking, and had been the top student for years. Yet, he gave up college and chose to build up a business from nothing with John. Eric has gotten many suitors while through all these years, but he had laid eyes on no one. He sacrificed everything he had to John. All their important clients were developed by him. He did a lot to convince them to choose their company and service. At the early stage of their career, John was extremely stressed and gloomy. He was also irascible and moody in and out of their bedroom. Eric chewed up all bitterness and anguish, treated them as honey, and swallowed them down without a word. Maybe because of his quietness, John now believed he was useless all along. Eric slipped of the bed, curling up on the sofa and smoking for the rest of the night. He had loathed drinking and smoking in his school days, but still used to, even fell in love with both. He had loved John Chapman for 14 years and couldn¡¯t do it anymore. It¡¯s not just because of his disloyalty, also Eric didn¡¯t want to lose himself in hatred and grievance. He had compromised for years in the name of love and was tired of it now. Maybe he just didn¡¯t love John that much anymore. He ¡°Why you get up so early? Half of the bed is freezing cold.¡± John finally awoke. With his messy hair and soft sleepy voice, he was more like a college student than the owner of a public company. ¡°Just used to it. Can you eat out today? The breakfast is not ready yet.¡± The kettle was boiling. Eric turned his back to John, gulping down a bundle of pills with water. John frowned but controlled his impatience and anger when he saw Eric¡¯s legion of pill bottles: ¡°Are you alright?¡± The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°Simple flu.¡± Eric snorted. ¡°It¡¯s nothing. Why are you still here? Don¡¯t you have work to do today?¡± John smelt a hint of taunting in Eric¡¯s words. He cleared his throat to hide his uneasiness, ¡°I¡¯ll take a day off. I¡¯ve left for so long and wanted to spend more time with you.¡± Eric remained completely calm, heading to the kitchen, ¡°Alright. I¡¯ll have spaghetti for breakfast. Would you like some?¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± John was soothed. He slumped in the soft sofa, waiting for his breakfast. Eric didn¡¯t have any appetite at all: the smell of food only made him sick. John Chapman, what a sweet torment sent by God. While Eric was adding onions in sauce, John noticed the orchid, ¡°Where did you get this flower? I thought you don¡¯t like gardening.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a gift from a friend. He said it¡¯s a cool diversion.¡± Eric paused, then answered. ¡°What friend? Do I know him? This is a pretty expensive gift.¡± John pressed, which made Eric wanted to scream, or down all the hot sauce in a pot on his big head. And, he really wanted to puke. As the one who was unfaithful in their relationship, why would John even dare to ask these questions? Eric bit his lower lip forcefully, swallowing whatever he was going to say. He didn¡¯t want to yell to John. ¡°Answer me, Cleese!¡± John shouted angrily. ¡°I¡¯ve never asked you about your lovers. And my personal life is none of your business.¡± Eric said slowly. The sauce was ready, so was spaghetti. Eric turned off the stove and served spaghetti on two plates. John was crimson, either for the anger or shame, ¡°What lovers?! What are you talking about? Remember, I¡¯m the one supporting the family! That how you repay my sacrifice?¡± Eric cut him off with a short snort, ¡°Oh, save it! Supporting the family my ass! I own at least 30% of the company! I bought this house! Are you still dreaming, Chapman?¡± John felt deeply offended by Eric¡¯s refuting: the latter was always obedient and gentle to him; he¡¯d never seen this part of Eric. He summoned up courage and shouted, ¡°Are you admitting that you are cheating on me? I knew there is something going on here! Last night, you didn¡¯t even let me kiss you! The little pot of flowers is more expensive than a limousine! What kind of friend would give you a gift like this!¡± Eric was also surprised by the price of the orchid. Why would a simple doctor be so generous to a stranger? Although curious of Dr. Idle¡¯s story, Eric managed to focus on more pressing business. He was still enduring great pain and had enough of John¡¯s crap. He shouted back, ¡°Get out! This is my house, and I don¡¯t need your nonsense! I don¡¯t care how many or what kind of lovers you have. I don¡¯t even care you are shagging a human or a dog! I give you your freedom, so be kindly leave me alone!¡± John was never scorned like this. He gritted his teeth, raising a hand and meaning to slap Eric. Eric stayed still. He looked at John, with well-hidden grief in his eyes, ¡°Are you really doing this, Chapman?¡± John was stopped by Eric¡¯s sorrow but still angry about his earlier claim. He believed his rare return was a gift and favor. He had expected Eric was overwhelmed, even shed tears. Little did he thought that the only thing he got from Eric was a snub. He was used to other lovers¡¯ complaisance and couldn¡¯t bear to be treated as a normal person. He glared at Eric one last time, grabbing his coat and leaving. John slammed the door close and didn¡¯t look back on his way out. Eric frowned. He stared at two plates of spaghetti for a long while, then took one of them, sitting at the table. He wanted to puke for the smell of spaghetti and John. But he still pushed himself to eat some. At the end of the day, he finally vomited in the toilet. Things he threw up were not only spaghetti he ate but some blood as well. It hurt too much. Chapter 6 Medicine For a timeless time, Eric felt a little better. He changed his clothes and was ready to go out with that pot of orchid. It was cold and dry in the northern winter wind. Eric put on his thickest down coat and took a cab to the hospital. Michael Idle saw a beige ¡®ball¡¯ knocked on his office door and pushed in. Before he could start laughing, the ¡®ball¡¯ pulled down his scarf, revealing a thin and pale face. ¡°Dr. Idle.¡± Eric greeted Michael gently. ¡°It¡¯s so cold,¡± Michael hurriedly got Eric a glass of warm water when he touched Eric¡¯s ice-cold finger, ¡°Here, that¡¯ll warm you.¡± ¡°I brought your family treasure back.¡± Eric pointed to the orchid, said with a hint of a smile in his eyes. They¡¯ve been known each other for almost two months, but Eric had never joked with Michael before. Michael flipped the welted leaves and said, ¡°It¡¯s only an orchid. But if it¡¯s too delicate for you, I¡¯ll get something easy from my dad.¡± Eric didn¡¯t respond to that, for he was in no mood to make friends. He only smiled weakly and said, ¡°I threw up this morning again, with some blood. It felt nothing like being hangover when you¡¯re young.¡± He recalled how he felt like puking his own life out of his body. ¡°That¡¯s why I suggested you do the chemo.¡± Michael frowned with spinning his pen. If you knew him well, you would know he was feeling anxious. ¡°You¡¯re only thirty years old. You¡¯re young and rich. Why would you punish yourself?¡± ¡°Let me think about it.¡± Eric lowered his eyes. ¡°You said that two months ago. What, you wanna live on the medicine till the new year?¡± Eric was too weak to talk. He warmed himself up with some hot water and said, ¡°Is the medicine here yet? I¡¯m not feeling well. Stolen novel; please report. ¡°No chemo, no medicine.¡± Michael got angry somehow. ¡°I¡¯m looking for the matching bone marrow for you, but nobody can help you unless you take your own body seriously.¡± A sense of warmth rushed to Eric¡¯s body, and his smile became much more sincere as well. ¡°If only all the doctors are like you. There wouldn¡¯t be any conflicts.¡± ¡°Well, well, don¡¯t flatter me.¡± Michael stood up and took off his uniform. ¡°I¡¯m taking this afternoon off. I¡¯ll go get your medicine with you. It¡¯s a new prescription, but I don¡¯t¡¯ want to write it down.¡± ¡°You could do that?¡± Eric giggled. Seeing Michael putting on a long coat, he then added, ¡°It¡¯s cold outside.¡± Michael didn¡¯t say anything, which led him to get the medicine. Eric was about to leave after saying thanks, but Michael stopped him. ¡°It¡¯s hard to get cabs in this weather, and I¡¯ll take you home.¡± Eric couldn¡¯t refuse him, so he agreed. He sure couldn¡¯t stand the cold wind, and he didn¡¯t mean to cause himself any trouble. Eric was sure that Michael Idle was not to be underestimated, for his Ferrari wasn¡¯t giving He was more of a spender than John was. ¡°I never liked being in the same conversation with my family. I wanted to spend my own money. Now the relatives would talk about them without bringing me up.¡± Michael noticed Eric was staring at his car, all of a sudden started to open up. Maybe it was because he¡¯s off work. Michael seemed to loosen up a lot. Sparkles of energy of the youth shimmered in his eyes. ¡°I was meant to study medicine. I even applied for three medical universities back then...¡± Said Eric after a long pause while watching outside of the window. ¡°You failed the test?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t go.¡± There was nothing in Eric¡¯s eyes, as empty and as heartbreaking as one could imagine. Those were the nights full of dreams and waking up in tears. He never felt like it was a huge regret, but things like this happened all the time. Michael was quite a good friend. He knew when to talk and when not to. After several minutes of awkward silence, he started to make a lighter conversation. ¡°Your house is in a great location. Maybe you made the right choice. If my parents didn¡¯t push me to take that test, I don¡¯t know what kind of life would be waiting for me.¡± Eric smiled, said nothing. Michael pulled his car outside his neighborhood. ¡°Thank you, Doctor Idle. Maybe we can grab a meal together sometime, my treat.¡± ¡°I¡¯d rather you treat me with your medical expense.¡± Michael laughed, with something soft in his eyes. Eric waved and seeing him off. Right when he was about to tighten his scarf and walked back home, he saw John¡¯s car. Chapter 7 Slap John¡¯s Mercedes s600 parked right by the road. Eric had no idea whether he was in it or not but seeing no one came out and greeted him. He went straight back home. There was no one home. But before Eric could change his shoes and rest on the sofa for three seconds, someone opened the door and walked in. John tasted something off right after he stormed out that morning. He felt uncomfortable in the stomach thinking about Eric meeting some random guy from some random place. He knew how devious men could be. He could swing around them and having fun, coming home unattached, but he would never allow Eric to do anything out of line. Any so-called new friend would be unacceptable. John thought and decided to talk Eric out of it. After all those years, he had grown tired of Eric¡¯s tepid attitude and his lack of youthful spirit. But he never would¡¯ve wanted to lose him. Only much to his surprise, Eric left the house shortly after he left. ¡°Who drove you back?¡± John looked gloomy, ¡°It was too cold a day for a hot date.¡± ¡°Just a friend.¡± Eric rubbed his temple. ¡°The friend who gave you that flower? John slammed the door, ¡°Where did you get such a great friend?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a doctor. He gave me the prescription.¡± Eric took off his down coat and folded it with no mood swings. John sneered at his reply and said, ¡°I don¡¯t care what kind of doctor he is. Just tell me, WHERE IS YOUR PRESCRIPTION!¡± He wasn¡¯t worried about his illness, never thought of asking how long had it been, whether it was because he went to the hospital often so that he even made friends with the doctor. No. He just looked at him with a suspicious look and asked, where¡¯s your prescription. Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. ¡°I left it in the car.¡± Eric laughed. He was laughing about how ridiculous their relationship was. He looked up, and looked straight into John¡¯s eyes, and said, ¡°Relax. That doctor was perfect in every way, young, rich, and gentle. But there¡¯s one problem, he doesn¡¯t give a shit about me.¡± John had been holding back a whole lot of his temper these years, but never in front of Eric. His eyes turned red with anger, and he jumped up to pull Eric¡¯s collar, ¡°Say that again.¡± ¡°The truth will remain true even said twice. Joke on you.¡± Eric didn¡¯t have the strength to push away John. Blood rushed to head, face turning it into pink, even better-looking than his normally pale face. ¡°The truth? Way to go, Eric Cleese. Congratulations on becoming such a slut. How come I never knew you like this?¡± John pushed him down on the sofa, looking down on him with so much humiliation in his eyes. Eric never talked too much, but he wasn¡¯t going to take this insult without fighting back. Even though he couldn¡¯t break through John, he still talked back, ¡°That¡¯s because you refuse to look. What, you¡¯re frightened?¡± John slapped him in the face with no hesitation. Eric had no time to react. He was stunned, his face on fire and his head buzzing, but his mind couldn¡¯t be clearer. Two grown men living together, they¡¯re bound to be some physical fights. But John always held back. Anger was to be consumed and turned into animal-like sex. That was the first time John didn¡¯t hold back. His being suspicious and possessive didn¡¯t turn Eric on in any way. He only felt disappointed. He knew John¡¯s possessiveness had nothing to do with love. He¡¯d rather his items broke than being taken away. John got jealous all the time. But back in the old days, he would play cute. An untamable wolf pretended to be a sweet little puppy to gain his pity and trust. He would look straight into his eyes, full of tears, with trembling and sincere voice, begging, ¡°I¡¯m jealous. Don¡¯t hang out with them. You don¡¯t talk to me anymore¡­¡± When you really cared, you wouldn¡¯t hold back. Chapter 8 Argument John actually regretted it immediately. He just couldn''t control his temper after all these years surrounded by flattering people, but he didn''t mean to hit Eric that hard. "I told you. Don''t argue with me for an outsider." John''s voice was still harsh and cold while he tried to hide his guilt, "that friend of yours doesn''t sound like a good person. Don''t see him again." Eric pushed him away and sat up. He touched his swollen cheek, his smile bitter and soft. "You are not a good person either, John. How about we stop seeing each other too?" "I was so happy to be with you at the beginning. Life was tough at that time, but I still felt time flew in a blink. Then seven years passed, ten years passed... While I thought we''ve overcome all the difficulties and could peacefully spend the rest of our lives together, you changed. What an ironic joke... But I know, people change only because they want to." Tired, Eric closed his eyes. He didn''t want to waste his last bit of time and energy on John anymore. "Let''s separate for some time first. I''ve had enough living in this empty apartment by myself." While talking, Eric had been wearing a slight smile on his face. His voice was clear, soft, and calm as if it was just a casual chat by the dinner table with his lover. John fell into silence for a while before he started to speak in a sharp tone. "Are you giving up just because I found out about your affair? Are you asking me to let you go? Then you and the other man can live happily ever after? This is not how the business works, Cleese." Eric only found his words ridiculous. "My shares in the company are not enough for you? Do you want me to leave you more money to make up for your priceless youth?" "Speaking of the shares, it reminds me that when we bought this apartment, you were not willing to sign the contract. It is still put under my name now." John sneered, "I don''t need you to make up for me. Just leave. Well, I guess your rich boyfriend will soon buy you a much bigger house." The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Eric''s calm mask finally cracked under these tarts words. His brows twisted into a frown as his eyes were full of fatigue and disappointment. The slight smile faded away from his face, and he sighed softly, "is it necessary? It''s been 14 years, and you are gonna deny all of it?" John suddenly felt a stabbing pain in his heart. He walked closer, wrapped his arms around Eric''s shoulder, and lowered his voice. "Eric, I''m sorry. I was acting like an asshole. We are not going to break up, right? You know I always have a bad temper. Can you tolerate it for a bit longer?" "No. I mean it." Eric moved away from his arms. John always said things like that, and he almost wanted to laugh this time. If it''s not for all these years of toleration, he wouldn''t even fall into a position like this. Eric sighed quietly and picked up his phone from the table. A message was sent to Michael: "please help me arrange the chemo. Thanks." Eric''s hand hung in the air, trembling. He could even feel the bulging veins on his temples due to anger. "Stop messing around with me, Eric Cleese." "I''m serious. You know I''m a perfectionist and how stubborn I can be." Clenching his teeth, John grabbed Eric''s wrist and dragged him outside. "Good for you! Then just leave right now! Get lost!" He thought it was just another ordinary argument between lovers, only a bit more serious than the ones they had before. However, the weight in Eric''s words set his emotions tumbling. He didn''t have time to think about whether it''s anger or fear, only knowing that he needed to vent them all out immediately. Eric was locked outside by him, only in his leisurewear and winter slippers. It''s not very cold in this high-end apartment building hallway, but Eric''s body couldn''t take any toughness in his current situation. Trembling, he had no choice but to curl up by the door with his head hidden between his knees. Soon, his nose started to bleed again. He wiped the blood with his shirt, and the sharp pain in his head made him dizzy. Coldness sneaked into his body and his heart, where an empty hole was created, letting a gust of wind blow inside. He didn''t understand why the man he had loved for fourteen years was more and more like a stranger to him. Eric was burning up. In a daze, he saw some light at the end of the dark, cold hallway. The tall, handsome boy from his high school memories walked towards him against the light, holding a basketball. The smile on the teenage John''s face at that time always made him think of a big fluffy dog. Chapter 9 Jasmines In high school, they didn''t talk too much in the beginning. John was a sporty boy who was admitted as an art student. He didn''t like study at all, either sleeping or painting something in classes. Meanwhile, Eric was a good student. He didn''t know how to say pretty words, and communication was never his thing. However, that soft smile he always wore on his cute face won people''s hearts. After a seating rearrangement, they became deskmates. The first words John spoke to him were: "you smell so good." Eric''s grandfather had filled their yard with jasmines, and the little white flowers were in full bloom at that time. It''s probably the jasmine''s fragrance. The next day, Eric gave him a small bag of jasmine flowers. John grinned at him and rubbed his hair, "thanks." John was good at being a deskmate. He knew that Eric didn''t want to be disturbed in classes, so he was just quietly doing his old habits, sleeping or drawing something. After class, he would run out and play basketball with the boys. Many girls had a crush on him in their class, and they loved to talk about John''s gossips in small groups. As a bad student, John was still afraid of the class advisor. Sometimes, he would get to school earlier to copy answers for his English assignment. But he rejected all the other offers, only liking to beg his deskmate. "Eric, show me your answers~ Eriiiic~." Their relationship was just like the one between ordinary deskmates until one day. He met John when he was climbing the stairs that day. Somehow, John''s eye suddenly lost their focus when seeing him. John missed a step and fell off, causing a long wound on his knees. The blood startled Eric, and he rushed over to help him up. When John leaned himself on Eric, he gasped with pain and repeated the exact words, "you smell so good today." If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. "I missed a step because I was looking at you." His following words made Eric freeze for a second. After that, they became much closer. John often invited Eric to watch his basketball games, and everyone started to make jokes about them since John would work very hard when Eric was there. Girls stopped arguing about who would be the person to help John keep his clothes and water bottle because he only allowed Eric to touch his staff. On the other day, Eric noticed that the boy who hated reading held a book of foreign poems in his hands. His pretty bows twisted into a frown as he tried to figure out the meaning of the words. Eric was amused by his silly but cute look, "are you planning to start your literature career?" "You told the class rep about this book yesterday. Even he can read it. Why I can''t?" John raised his brow with his eyes full of innocent arrogance that only belonged to teenagers. Eric chuckled, "The class rep likes underground style, so I recommend this one to him. But I don''t like it. Jane Zachary is more my style." Before the middle of June, the blossom of jasmine was going to end. Eric knew that John liked flowers, so he invited him to his grandfather''s yard. After more than an hour of walk, they arrived at Eric''s home, and the fragrance of jasmine enveloped the two boys at once. John abruptly hugged Eric and sniffed his neck like a big dog with joy in his eyes. "It''s the same smell. I like it a lot." Somehow, Eric''s face blushed. John suddenly started to focus on study. He refused all the basketball games during class breaks and only drew instead. One day, he left to help the physics teacher carry assignment books. His sketchbook was flipped open by a breeze - it was Eric on every page with all kinds of expressions. His front face, side face, smiling face, cold face, thinking face, and laughing face... His sketches were vivid with a soft touch, which made Eric''s heart miss a beat. In the finals of the second high school year, Eric was the top one in their class, while John was the second. After knowing their grades, John asked him out. They met at the end of an alley, and John held Eric''s hand after he threw a book to him. "I remember you like Jane Zachary. I hope you will like this book... and me as well." In the second year of high school, at the age of seventeen, they decided to be together. Until now, fourteen years had passed. This year John Chapman was thirty-one, and Eric Cleese was thirty. Chapter 10 Despair Eric looked into the pitch dark of the night, recalling the days when he was a bright young thing; when the air smelt like flowers and there was nothing but happiness in life and. When he didn¡¯t fall for John. When they were both 17, John took his virginity as a birthday gift. By then, they were still in love; he could still cover up pain with sweetness of love. But now, all he had endless pain and noneffective struggle. Time could change a lot of things. Eric was not the same boy 14 years ago. He was reshaped by life and society, becoming a boring normal grown-up. After God knew how long, John Chapman opened the door: ¡°Last chance. Get in or stay out forever.¡± Eric stumbled in, too sad to hold his pride. People said that the secret of great tragedies was to destroy all beautiful things in front of the audiences. But Eric believed that real tragedy was never about destroy, but lost. He knew it because he lost John. John planned to grab the chance and tame Eric once again. He wanted to warn Eric that, he should never think about break up with him. But he hesitated when he saw Eric¡¯s blood-drenched shirt. Eric walked pass him, stripping his outfits while heading to the bath. ¡°Is this yours? What happened? Are you alright?¡± John picked Eric¡¯s dirty shirt up, asking worried. ¡°Nosebleed.¡± Eric washed his hair under the shower; his voice was muffled by the sound of water. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you say something? I¡¯ll surely let you in¡­¡± John threw the shirt in the laundry basket, took off his clothes and stepped in the shower, standing beside Eric. He grabbed Eric by waist, holding his chin and pressing kisses on his cheeks. Meanwhile, his other hand was wondering from Eric¡¯s back to his stomach, as if counting Eric¡¯s ribs with his finger. Rubbing Eric¡¯s thin wrist, John¡¯s eyebrows twisted into a deep frown, ¡°Gee, you are literally skinny¡­you are not an addict to any drugs, are you?¡± Shaking his head, Eric said nothing. And, there was actually nothing to say. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. John didn¡¯t ask anymore. He pressed Eric on the wall, sticking his tongue forcefully into Eric¡¯s mouth, rubbing his slim waist. John knew it¡¯s one of the sensitive areas on Eric¡¯s body. Eric was shivering. Not for lust, but cold. Bathrooms walls were ceramic tiled and felt colder than ice right now. John¡¯s moves also disgusted him. He knew John tries similar techniques on his many lovers, which made him feel insulted. ¡°Stop it. I¡¯m tired.¡± Closing his eyes, Eric stated outright. John paused, then grabbed his cheek and forced Eric to look him, ¡°You don¡¯t want to do it at all, or just don¡¯t want to do it with me?¡± There were jealousy and fury in his voice, but Eric couldn¡¯t care less: John used one hand to press his right cheek vigorously on the icy cold wall, while another hand pinching an extremely soft spot on his waist. Both of which made Eric quite uncomfortable. He tries to free from John¡¯s hold, but failed unfortunately. So, he stayed still, avoiding further damage. ¡°Whatever.¡± Eric said, without looking at John. For so many years, John Chapman had been praised to the skies and seldom been refused. To him, Eric¡¯s refuse was nothing short of a humiliation. ¡°I see.¡± He snorted, turned off the shower and dragged Eric out of the bath: ¡°Then I¡¯ll do it anyway. Just to let you know, I¡¯m much, much better than the dear doctor of yours.¡± He didn¡¯t try to hide the venom in his voice, and hurt Eric both on body and soul. Eric was literally flung on the bed and bumped his forehead on the headboard. He was still soaked by the short shower earlier and wetted the bedsheet. The air-conditioner was keeping the room temperature at a standard of 30 degrees Celsius. It should be warm enough, but Eric still felt cold. He was so cold that couldn¡¯t control himself but curled up and shivered. John was around 6 feet 1 inch and much higher than 14 years before. When they were younger, Eric would feel save for John¡¯s strength. Now, it only caused the deepest fear in his mind. Eric struggled fiercely: he was truly scared now. But John didn¡¯t let him go: he was also scared by Eric¡¯s possible affair with the doctor. Jealousy and fear already drove him up the wall. He tied Eric¡¯s resisting hands behind his back and penetrated him while looked into his eyes, without any preparation or protection. Eric was frozen in despair and fear. Chapman was much stronger than him and he could hardly break free from this. This was rape. This was horrible. This was not what he expected. John left biting marks all over Eric¡¯s body, like a puppy marking its territory. When he bit on Eric¡¯s nipple, orgasm suddenly struck him like an asteroid hit the earth. He went blank for a brief moment, then came in Eric¡¯s rectum. Less in 30 minutes, John was hard again. He turned Eric over, lying him face down to the mattress. Then, he grabbed Eric by his waist, thrusted in, making sure he pressed on Eric¡¯s prostate with enough force. John chuckled with satisfaction, ¡°I should admit that, I like it more when you fight back like this. It¡¯s really sexy.¡± Eric, on the other hand, thought it neither good or sexy. In fact, he was praying, to any god who might hearing, begging them to give him a quick death. He didn¡¯t want to be humiliated like this any longer. In the end, John slept with a happy and peaceful smirk, leaving Eric slightly torn sphincter and rectum. Coagulation disorder was one of the complicating diseases of his illness. Throughout the night, Eric could feel wounds in his backside were oozing blood. Chapter 11 Dream Luckily, the tear on his intestinal wall was small, and it didn¡¯t take long for the blood to congeal. He lay on the floor for quite some time to regain some strength, after which he took a shower and tidy himself up. When Eric stepped out of the bathroom, John was already fast asleep. The man he loved for so long was indeed good-looking. In the dim light of the bedside lamp, Eric gazed affectionately at John¡¯s chiseled facial features, Roman nose, and thick arched eyebrows. This man would surely turn much more attractive as he grew older, but pitifully, Eric had no chance to enjoy his charm then. ¡°Why not treat me well since I¡¯m dying...¡± Eric lay down quietly beside John before wrapping his arms around John¡¯s waist, his voice sobbing a little. ¡°Show more kindness to your future lover... There are few men as submissive as I am. Pick a healthy one¡­ someone who can stay with you for a long time¡­¡± Not until Eric paused for a long period did he whimper, too sad to hold back his tears, ¡°Will you feel slightly sorrowful after my death?¡± Exhausted, John didn¡¯t sleep that soundly as usual. In a realistic dream he made after midnight, Eric and he, as young students, was waiting for the coach together. John was suddenly in a panic as Eric said goodbye to him smilingly after boarding the bus. He tried hard to chase the bus while crying and shouting at the top of his lung, yet, the bus went further and further until it faded into the distance... It was natural to wake up shedding tears out of great sorrow after dreaming that your beloved ones would leave you forever. That loneliness and heartache couldn¡¯t be more impressive, at least, at that very moment. Breaking out in a cold sweat, John reached out at random subconsciously, thus touching Eric¡¯s body in the end. Letting out a sigh in relief, he hurried to hold this man tightly in his arms. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. It was almost six-thirty. Awaken by John, Eric didn¡¯t open his eyes until his long eyelashes trembled twice slightly. Weary as hell, he felt as if his bones were collapsing. The sharp pain shot up from that very place in his upper body. ¡°Eric...¡± John rubbed Eric¡¯s neck intimately with his face like a lovely doggy. ¡°How horrible! I dreamed that you were gone.¡± ¡°Where did I go?¡± Eric asked in a daze. ¡°I have no idea. You mustn¡¯t leave me anyway.¡± Without sleeping soundly for a long time, Eric fell asleep again in John¡¯s arms. It was unknown whether he didn¡¯t hear John¡¯s words or was at a loss for words. Behaving himself so much, John muted his phone today in case those flirtatious guys would disturb him. Since Eric hadn¡¯t gotten up until seven, he walked out of the bedroom quietly to cook breakfast. Eric froze after stepping outside the bedroom. ¡°You haven¡¯t cooked for me for a long time,¡± he said with a chuckle. John¡¯s carrot and stick approach didn¡¯t irritate Eric. At least, that guy, who still felt guilty of him, tried hard to get along with Eric in harmony. John didn¡¯t respond until thinking for a while, ¡°I used to cook you some porridge last year when you had a low fever for the whole night.¡± Not feeling like discussing this topic in detail, Eric came to the dining room after taking medicine in the study. John put a bowl of porridge, as well as two plates of pickles, before him on the table. ¡°Did I hurt you last night?¡± Eric shook his head nonchalantly, not wanting to recollect what happened yesterday at all. He merely ate a half bowl. In fact, Eric intended to eat more since he could still swallow things down. However, as half-full as he was after taking medicine, there was no way to eat that much food. ¡°No wonder you¡¯re that lean considering your poor appetite,¡± John added with a frown, ¡°It would feel so uncomfortable when I hugged you if you turned thinner.¡± Eric tried hard to eat more before producing a helpless smile. ¡°I¡¯m waiting for the feast at noon.¡± Chapter 12 Cheat It was so cold. There was no way for the snow to melt. Numerous snowflakes found their way in the whirling icy wind outside the French window. Holding a hot water bottle in his arms to keep his belly and hands warm, Eric was sending messages on a bird-nest-shaped sofa. "Your medicine is still in my car. What about my sending it to you after I get off work?" Eric typed back with a smile. "Not necessary. I''ll go fetch it tomorrow." He received a response before long. "I called you many times yesterday, but none of them was answered. Is it convenient for you to answer the phone now?" Eric produced a bitter smile. "I''ll go there tomorrow. Let''s talk about it later." He wrote back after taking a second thought. Michael didn''t respond. Eric felt exhausted after flicking through the news for a while, thus putting down the phone to take a nap. He didn''t wake up until John squeezed his nose for a joke, making him unable to breathe smoothly. Eric opened his eyes reluctantly in a daze. John''s face jumped into his sight abruptly, though blurred enough. Bossiness mixed with a tinge of flirtatiousness was indeed a great charm unique to Eric when he was ill. John hadn''t seen him like this for three or four years. Greatly touched, he reached out to rub Eric''s soft hair. Though sometimes bored by such a relationship, John didn''t feel like giving up on him at all. Eric narrowed his eyes. A lovely dimple would find its way on his left cheek whenever he produced a smile. "John..." Eric murmured, his voice quite soft, typical enough for a man who hadn''t fully woken up. Living in Chicago for that many years, John managed to speak just the same as the locals did without even the slightest accent. Yet, as stubborn as Eric was, he refused to make a change but never failed to demonstrate his innate softness when it was necessary. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. Eric had fallen asleep again when John regained his consciousness. Helpless enough, he covered Eric with a blanket before heading back to the study. His phone kept vibrating on the desk. It was Kyson again. John couldn''t help feeling a little fidgety. As a rich, handsome playboy, it was natural for John to find amusement when the occasion arose. There were many attractive men eager to accost him in the nightclub. One night stand was, to some degree, much more fascinating than bedding your lawful wife. Eric was great but far from enough to satisfy his evil passion on the bed. John felt reluctant to "torture" Eric like this but happy enough to vent his primitive desire on others. Anyway, those cheeky guys would certainly be cooperative. Infidelity would turn into a habit. Out of guilt and panic, he would try hard to cater to Eric in the first place. Yet, the guilt would subside as time went by. John, who also tried to disguise his wrongdoings with excuses at the beginning, didn''t mind that Eric would quarrel with him after finding out his affairs. At most, he would be locked up and finally submitted. However, Eric was actually blind to what he did outside. Pissed off by his seeming calmness, John wound up being more abandoned recently. Yet now, nervousness began surging inside John. He knew from his instinct that Eric was quite resolute about something, but he somehow felt that Eric, as weak as he seemed at the moment, would disappear at any time. Not wanting strangers to visit his home, Eric always did the housework on his own. Badly ill in the morning, he hadn''t washed the tainted sheet in the laundry basket yet. Seeing the dotted blood on it, John couldn''t help feeling slightly panicked. Eric was sensitive to pain, not out of timidity but of his poor health. No matter how minor the wounds were, scars would find their way on his body. John remembered clearly that Eric kept trembling out of pain the first time they made love, but he would rather endure silently. "John, you must treat me well..." he whimpered, out of breath, his sparkling eyes like clear, ripping springs. A sharp pain shot up John''s chest without warning. Chapter 13 Rings Eric didn''t wake up until over twenty minutes later. He didn''t feel ill but was badly exhausted out of John''s "passionate torture" last night. Standing at the doorway to the kitchen, Eric was watching John cooking silently. What a valuable chance to enjoy such sweet and peaceful days! Perfectly shaped, John indeed looked gorgeous and masculine when he focused on cooking with his thick eyebrows knitted and his sleeves half rolled up. John was slightly surprised as he caught Eric. "Woke up?" He said with a smile, his tone quite gentle without the slightest rudeness and impatience. "High time for lunch." With a response, Eric came up to bring the tableware to the dining room after submissively tasting the dish brought to his mouth. "It''s a little bland, but okay. Eating so much salt does harm to health." Eric froze after finishing speaking. Why did he, such a self-disciplinary man, suffer cancer in the end? How ironical! Seemingly much happier during the meal, Eric, with his eyes colored by delight, tried every dish in a little amount before speaking well of John''s cooking skill. Though the delight gradually gave way to strong grievance, he still tried hard to keep smiling, a dimple finding its way on his lean cheek. "John, how come you didn''t treat me that well before..." Having not accompanied him for a long time, John made sure that Eric was merely playing a coquetry. "Have some more. I promise to stay with you for several more days after finishing the project." John took some dishes into Eric''s bowl. Instead of following his words, Eric swept John''s slender hands before blurting out, "Where is your ring?" John froze. A sense of guilt surged inside him. "Where is it on earth..." He murmured subconsciously. It was the birthday present Eric sent to him nine years ago. Though sparing no effort to work overtime, Eric could only afford the two cheapest silver rings without any patterns on them in the end. To make them decent, Eric began making inscriptions on the frosting surfaces in his spare time, his hand full of bleeding blisters due to the hard work. Greatly touched by Eric''s dedication, John always cherished it the most as he did to his life. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. How did he lose the ring then? John was a little confused. He was totally drunk when he slept with Kyson for the first time. Since that guy couldn''t wait to make love with him, John indeed mistook Kyson for Eric that night. That young man did look like Eric in his late teens. With black, soft hair and clear, innocent eyes, Kyson would also play a coquetry by calling him Brother John when he needed help. The ring was nowhere to be found after that night. Kyson didn''t see it, either. Perhaps, it just fell after John got drunk. It indeed felt painful that the ring he had worn for seven years went missing without warning. Yet, since Eric didn''t notice it at all, he almost forgot it after such a long time. John intended to have two diamond rings customized for them but put them aside due to his busy work and dating Kyson from time to time. He was at a loss for words facing Eric''s question. Fortunately, rather than embarrassing him, Eric merely lowered his eyes to blow the soup in the spoon cool. "It''s not something valuable. Forget it..." Just like you would forget me someday. Eric didn''t finish the second half. Getting used to enduring silently, he even could hold back his tears when it wasn''t a suitable time to whimper. As if something got stuck in his throat, John forced a smile. "I must have left it somewhere. It can''t get lost. Why not have two rings customized then to celebrate our fifteenth, perhaps, the twentieth anniversary?" Producing a smile in silence, Eric put down the chopsticks to wash his hands. "Go on enjoying the meal. I''ll go boil the water. Tell me if you need help." John frowned at Eric''s figure. He merely dated other men for fun, a good way to get through those empty days. How come he suddenly felt Eric had changed a lot? Originally thinking that he was fed up with Eric during fooling around with other men, John knew for sure at the moment that it wasn''t true at all. How exhausted! John couldn''t help letting out a sigh. Chapter 14 Hickey John was young after all. Now that he was successful in his business, he started to behave like a lot of men¡ªhe had affairs. He thought he could balance between the affairs and Eric, but he forgot that the soft and gentle man lived with him was also proud. John would not understand the determination in a relationship, but only was spoilt by the endless offer. Eric forced himself to hold off the sickness after the meal and sat in the balcony, distracted by the bright sunlight. His eyes were wet as he looked at the oxidized silver ring on his finger. 14 years of relationship. Was that it? Or like the old saying, it was easier to share the adversity than the prosperity? Eric had never felt so clearly of his regret. He didn¡¯t regret for desperately chasing the person he loved in the last 10 years, but regrated to give up his own dream for love. He regrated to low himself down to the dust, and regrated to compromise with his own future. John left home in the second day. He said the director called him about a deal with an important client, and he would return home as soon as he resolved the problem. Eric only put the warm navy cashmere scarf over John¡¯s neck, then waved with a smile, ¡°Don¡¯t be silly. I know the cold doesn¡¯t bother you, but nobody can bear the wind outside.¡± John gave Eric a kiss on the cheek as they had always done so, and didn¡¯t mention Michael anymore. He grabbed the car key and left the room. Eric watched John left from the balcony. He sighed quietly and made a phone call to Michael. The call went through immediately, ¡°Doctor Idle, are you free now?¡± ¡°Come over, I¡¯m on shift today. Got a surgery in the afternoon, so better to meet you early.¡± ¡°OK. Thanks a lot.¡± Eric brushed his long fringe, thought he could only have haircut afterwards. Michael went quiet for a second, then continued with something totally irrelevant, ¡°It¡¯s getting cold today, wrap yourself up.¡± Eric went blank and quickly thanked Michael. He hung up the phone soon and got changed. It was cold indeed. The cold air went straight through Eric¡¯s nose and down to the throat. He didn¡¯t like wearing a mask. Not sure why but he didn¡¯t like to wear a mask anytime. Michael was seeing a few patients so Eric just waited for him quietly. He was distracted by a couple holding a kid, who was just diagnosed by leukemia. Watching them crying was heartbreaking to Eric. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. If his parents were there, they would hold him and cry¡­ despite he was such a bad child. ¡°What¡¯s on your mind?¡± After a while, Michael called him smiley, ¡°Do you want to take the puff jacket off? Did you rent it?¡± Eric didn¡¯t feel hot at all, but the big jacket wasn¡¯t convenient after all. He smiled back and took the jacket off, then sat on the chair in front of Michael¡¯s desk. Michael was about to make joke of Eric that don¡¯t be nervous when they talked about the treatment, but was hold off by what he saw. It was a love bite on Eric¡¯s neck. Michael couldn¡¯t help but sighed deeply. Eric didn¡¯t notice all of these at all. He was looking down at the cover of the latest magazine on the table, and realized he hadn¡¯t subscribed a magazine for a long time. Michael also calmed himself down and told himself that it wasn¡¯t a doctor¡¯s business. He put a serious face back on and crossed his fingers, ¡°You will have chemo first tomorrow¡­¡± Michael was an extraordinary and young doctor. He could be cold and professional when he talked about treatments and symptoms. Eric felt colder and colder as Michael continued. ¡°You are still young. I¡¯ll try my best. You shouldn¡¯t give up too.¡± Michael completed his statement and finished with the comfort words. As Eric was about to reply, his phone rang. It was John. Eric was used to not putting John on hold so picked it up immediately. ¡°I¡¯m not going home tonight. You should treat yourself, don¡¯t be afraid of trouble.¡± The voice was loud and went far in the small quiet office. Eric was a bit embarrassed. He smiled to Michael and walked out of the door as he turned the volume down. Michael turned the pen in his hand as he stared at the two pots of orchids. No one could tell what was in his mind. Eric came back after a few minutes and smiled with apologies, ¡°I¡¯ll mute my phone now¡­ Sorry about that.¡± ¡°Are you gay?¡± Michael asked, although he thought his brain must have been eaten by the pig. He was an adult, but he shouldn¡¯t have said that. Eric stunned and tried to cover with smile, ¡°It was my¡­¡± Roommate. He didn¡¯t say the last word but was interrupted. ¡°You¡¯ve got a love bite on your neck, and it¡¯s not the only one.¡± Eric pulled his collar immediately, and then realized his reaction was actually revealing the fact. After a few seconds, he sighed and tried to soften the conversation, ¡°Don¡¯t you doctor treat gays?¡± Michael shook his head and felt heartbroken, ¡°I don¡¯t care about you are gay or straight. But I can¡¯t see what¡¯s going on between you guys. First of all, do you think your body can bear this?¡± Michael wasn¡¯t fool, the bite was clearly a hard one, made by someone possessive. ¡°Secondly, and most importantly, what¡¯s your relationship? It has always been yourself, from check up to diagnose and confirmation of treatment¡­¡± ¡°Doctor,¡± Eric stopped him with cold voice, ¡°It was me. I didn¡¯t tell him as I didn¡¯t want to worry him. No more questions now?¡± Eric didn¡¯t like to be judged by others, but right now he didn¡¯t have a perfect excuse to defend John. It was the only thing he could do, to end the conversation bluntly. Michael had other work to do so he made an appointment with Eric in the second day. Eric had a cough, but felt pain in the bone. He knew that if someone was determined to lie, then he could use the most ridiculous excuses. If John loved him like before, he wouldn¡¯t hold off himself so badly. He would cry when it hurt, would make the man to fetch water and prepare medicine. He would even make the most willful will¡ªyou cannot bring anyone home after I was gone. But no. He wouldn¡¯t do anything like that. He had no choice but to bear the pain and not to bother him. Chapter 15 Cats Eric found a hairdresser randomly. It was a small and cozy shop. He didn¡¯t wait for long. ¡°Just have it cut a little.¡± Eric looked into the mirror and said quietly. He knew that the Chemo would cause huge hair loss. Perhaps this was the last time he had the hair done as a normal person. The hairdresser was a quiet person but worked fast. He finished Eric¡¯s hair within 15 minutes, then said, ¡°You¡¯ve got really nice hair.¡± Eric smiled and paid the bill. As he opened the door and walked out, he was thinking of John, who liked to rub his hair when they were students. He would pat and rub on the top of his head as if he was petting a puppy. John used to say Eric had really nice hair, soft and dark. Eric was humming some tones, the song that he heard a few years ago. He smiled softly as he walked on the road, trying to find some lost energy and happiness. Eric used to like Adele¡¯s ¡®Someone Like you¡¯. He hummed the song quietly until his eyes turned red, ¡°Never mind, I''ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you, too¡­¡± Eric realized he was being silly again. As he passed the tube station, Eric saw a shoebox. He could also hear some quiet sound came from inside. He felt there were¡­ some animals inside. Eric opened the lid carefully and nearly forgot to breathe for a second. There were 4 kittens, black and white like cows. They must have been abandoned. Fluffy animals were the favorite to Eric, but not to John at all. John would have OCD as soon as he saw any of the animals. However, Eric hesitated. If he walked away, the 4 little kittens wouldn¡¯t stand any chance in such a weather. Moreover, Eric wanted to make decision himself for the first time ever. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. In the end, 4 kittens and a man returned home together. Eric started to cheer up and bought some goat¡¯s milk and biscuits for the night. Luckily, the kittens all looked healthy. They warmed up in the room and started to meow and play with each other. Eric found 4 different colors of strings and put them on the kittens¡¯ necks. He fed the kittens with biscuits soaked in the goat¡¯s milk. The kittens loved it, and gulped the food like a bunch of piglets. Eric touched the kittens¡¯ soft paw and was amazed by the softness. He had never been closed to any pets before and was melted by the cute kittens. John got back home in the night, found Eric fell asleep on the sofa, with 4 fluffy items who were snoring softly. ¡°Eric!¡± John frowned as he stopped by the door. Eric woke up suddenly, ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Who gave you permission to take these home? Bin them!¡± John sounded rude. He dropped the laptop bag by the shoe shelf. He was arrogant and wouldn¡¯t allow any disobey. Eric dropped his eyes and looked rather lonely, ¡°Where to bin them?¡± John never cared about a fight, but he couldn¡¯t handle Eric being gentle and soft. He couldn¡¯t be mad at him, but only lowed his voice, ¡°Eric, these things are dirty. When they grow up, they will turn the house upside down. They are such a trouble. Please honey, let¡¯s not have them.¡± ¡°I really want them¡­¡± Eric sealed his lips and wouldn¡¯t give in. ¡°You¡­¡± ¡°John, don¡¯t you know me? I¡¯ve always wanted them when I was little. But my family didn¡¯t allow me. I had always thought that when I have my own family I¡¯ll have a dog and a cat.¡± John replied, ¡°Honey, it¡¯s been 10 years we live without a dog or a cat. Aren¡¯t we happy? What about we have a cat later? I¡¯ll get you a nice one.¡± Eric looked at John and suddenly burst with tears, ¡°I don¡¯t want it later. I want it now.¡± ¡°Jack, let me keep them, please.¡± John was shocked by it. He didn¡¯t say anything but only changed the shoes and walked into his study room. Eric knew it meant he had permitted. John knew Eric too well. Eric was always thoughtful. He didn¡¯t spoil him apart from the very beginning of their relationship. Then gradually he took everything for granted. Chapter 16 Heaven Eric made a simple box for the kittens and put it in the guest room that no one stayed in. When they took a shower together before going to bed, John forced him to use much body wash and then let him go. He was put down on the soft bed. John lay on top of him, sniffing him like a big dog. "Have you smelled anything weird?" Eric''s neck was a sensitive area, and John''s breath with the heat made him itchy. John bit the skin on his bulging collarbone, "you smell like cats." Giggling, he held John''s face and kissed his arched brows gently. "How about you go cuddle with the cats instead of me?" "Someone is being naughty." John left his kisses all the way from Eric''s face to his soft belly. Eric started to pant with pleasure at the pace of John''s movement. His voice was clean and soft. When he tried to hold it back, it sounded more seducing. "Don''t leave marks on me..." He would be so embarrassed after taking off his coat in the hospital tomorrow. John slowly went into his body. The pain and joy made him gasp as his watery eyes looked into John''s. "... ugh... S-Slower... Ah..." "I''m doing it slowly enough." John gently caressed his hair while he''s still moving in and out, "did you get a new haircut?" Shattered words sneaked out from his closed lips, "yeah... I... uh... I did..." John sped up his movement, wrapped his arms around Eric''s neck, and their face stuck together. Eric started to kiss his chin and Adam''s apple, begging him while panting. Eric had rarely been proactive when they made love. Seeing his submissive but alluring face, John''s heart rate was spiking. He couldn''t hold it anymore, moving in and out at a crazy speed and thrusting into the deepest area of Eric every time. In the end, Eric was pressed hard on the bed with his legs folded, begging in a crying voice, "John... John, slower... Please, I beg you..." This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. It''s been a while since John felt so good while having sex. Eric was so exhausted that he fell asleep immediately, lying on John''s chest. John wrapped his arms around his lover and caressed his back up and down along the spine. After a while, he murmured to himself, "...how come you suddenly lose so much weight?" The next day, after Eric woke up, he reached out his hand to touch the person beside him but only felt the cold sheet and pillow. So he sat up quietly, let his sour waist rest for a while, and then got off the bed. He''s going to have the chemo today in the hospital. Surprisingly, he found that John had already helped him feed the kittens. In addition, a note and breakfast were left on the table. All he needed to do was to put the meal in the microwave. Eric shook his head with a smile on his face. He threw the note and went cuddle with the fluffy kittens one by one. After he ate the medicine and changed his clothes, he left for the hospital. Before leaving the door, he remembered his lesson last time, so he checked himself carefully in the mirror. Fortunately, John listened to him and didn''t leave any marks in places that clothes couldn''t cover. But Eric knew it was a mess under. He felt pretty calm when he left home, but his heart started to pound as the hospital became closer. Before, Michael told him to stay in the hospital while having chemo, and he was wearing a serious look when he said it. However, Eric refused it without any hesitation. He didn''t even want to hear about those side effects that sounded painful because he knew that fear was a person''s biggest enemy while trying to survive. But Eric didn''t expect it to be so painful. The headache and nausea together made him keep vomiting, and the tingling pain all over his body felt like endless insects were crawling in his veins. This was hell, he thought. Maybe death feels even better than this. He always had a low tolerance for pain, but he had to deal with it this time, letting himself drown in these unstoppable waves of suffering. Cold sweat gushed down from his forehead, and the blood on his lips made his face look even paler. Michael asked another doctor to help with his shift and came to accompany Eric. Seeing the man''s pretty face twist with pain, Michael felt bad for him. Michael held him in his arms, not knowing it was cold sweat or tears on Eric''s face. All the redness on his lips faded away, and he almost lost his consciousness. "Dr. Idle... Y-You didn''t tell me it would be so painful..." Michael put his hand on Eric''s soft face. "It''s okay... Everything will be fine... You will be fine after this. I''m here with you." Surprisingly, a smile showed up on Eric''s face, and the dimple on his left cheek made him look younger than his actual age. But his eyes were full of sorrow, "it hurts... It hurts so much. What if I can''t take it anymore?" Chapter 17 Hell The pain had drained him, and Eric didn''t even have the strength to walk. Michael helped him up and took him to his office. On the way there, he had been quiet, but he could feel more and more clearly about his tumbling emotions, which almost made him scared. What am I getting myself into? He thought. Eric''s face was almost as pale as the bedsheet. When Michael handed a cup of hot water to him, he''s still in a daze as his eyes lost their focus. "Water?" Eric didn''t take it. After a while, he mumbled, "it''s cold here..." Michael was flustered for a second. He usually didn''t rest in his office, so there was no blanket here. He looked around and carried Eric''s thick camel down-coat to him. Eric grabbed the coat and wrapped it around his body tightly. Next to the fluffy fur hood, his pale, haggard face had a fragile and sickly beauty. "Your situation is not good. You should really consider staying in the hospital." Sitting beside Eric, Michael fell into silence for a while and then said, "...you can''t hide your sickness for too long... You''d better tell your lover and your family. Don''t bear everything on your own." After resting for a while, redness started to come back on Eric''s face. He''s born with a soft look but rarely showed his emotions. Shaking his head, he said, "I don''t want to stay in the hospital. I''ll just take whatever time God gives to me." True love would make a person live for his lover instead of dying with him. However, Eric already gave up on living. He only wished that he could die earlier, so this exhausting love would end earlier. The doctor suddenly realized Eric''s life was not as simple as he thought. He wanted to ask but didn''t know where to start. Then the office fell into silence again. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. Eric knew he bothered the doctor too much today, so he politely said goodbye to Michael after feeling a bit better. "I''ll call you next time when the treatment is arranged." Michael knew he couldn''t make Eric stay, but he''s not good at making excuses either. Eric''s body became stiff, remember the pain today, but he still agreed to it after a few seconds. An awkward look showed up on the doctor''s face. Under Eric''s puzzled gaze, he opened his mouth after hesitating for a while, "...your body is too weak right now. It would be better to stop having sex...." Eric was even calmer than the doctor. He nodded at Michael quietly, feeling warm inside. Watching him leaving, the doctor somehow felt a bit choke with an unexplainable emotion. After getting back home, Eric had been lying on the bed for the whole afternoon without eating anything. He vomited five times in total, and for the last time, it was green bile that he threw up. He felt the bed was too empty, so he let the four kittens join his nap. Those little furballs found comfortable spots next to his chest and neck and lay down. Somehow, the warmth from their bodies and the soft meowing sound filled the empty hole in his heart a little bit. It was late when John came back, and Eric smelled alcohol from him. Eric almost thought he wouldn''t go home today. However, he seemed to care about Eric a bit more than before recently. Maybe it was last night that aroused his interest again. When he wrapped his arms around Eric intimately, he didn''t even complain about the cats. Between the two of them, John was always the horny one. He could exhaust Eric every time, even when they were younger, and now it was even worse. They just had sex last night, but John seemed to want him again. However, spoiling John was already Eric''s habit. What Michael said to him was put in the back of his mind. He forced himself to act as naturally as possible and held back all the uncomfortable feelings, letting John trust him again and again fiercely. Eric bit his lips to hide his painful gasping. Instead of begging him to stop, he put his arms around John''s neck and said softly, "John... Come inside of me... Hold me tight..." Encouraged by his alluring voice, John sped up, and their bodies wobbled together with the screeching bed. But he didn''t kiss Eric once during the entire time. In the end, he came in Eric and whispered a name by his ear, "...K..." Eric''s heart was shattered. The name John called was not his. Chapter 18 Promises I AM BACK!!!!!! Eric pushed John away, staring into the darkness. He took a very deep breath, then let it out quietly and slowly with his nose. By using this way, he managed to soothe the tight feeling in his chest. At the beginning of their relationship, they had vowed to be together and made a lot of sweet memories. Eric remembered many of them. Those shinning pieces from the past merged into a beautiful picture of good old days, supporting him in hard ¡¤times. John was the star athlete at school, and everyone wanted to be his friend. However, he never spared a glance for others¡¯ attention and obstinately only hung out with Eric. Meanwhile, he was also unusually childish. He could waste a whole afternoon in the garden, watching ants and dragging Eric to watch with him. There once was always a pocket in his school bag that was stuffed with Eric¡¯s favorite snacks. And, everybody in the school knew that John Chapman was guarding Eric Cleese like a dragon guarding its treasure. He would never allow anyone to ask Eric out except himself. During the years they were struggling for life, John drank a little too much and had some early signs of alcohol dependence. Every time John drunk, he would hold Eric so tight and apologize to him for their predicament. You promised¡­we promised to each other¡­burying his face in hands, Eric cried like a lost child. Many flowering trees were planted in their school. By then, every spring he would pick the full blooming after school and poured all of them on John¡¯s head. Also, they had shared many, many loving kisses under those trees when no one¡¯s watching. But now, they all meat nothing. Their love had been eroded by lust and greed. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. John Chapman was also not the boy he loved anymore. He was Mr. Chapman, not his Johnny. I would always love you when I still could. Eric whispered to sleeping John. But, when I left, you needed to face everything on your own. John once praised that Eric¡¯s dimples made his smile charming and sweet as if they were two springs filled with honey. Tonight, those honey-drenched dimples were soaked by bitter tears. Sun raised much later in winter. Eric felt he waited too long to see morning dawning. Bleak winter sunlight flowed into the room through the thin curtain, looking strangely like shinning yet cold snow. This was a hard winter, and Eric wondered if John was willing to build a snowman with him. A snowman would melt extremely snow in temperatures like this. It could keep John company after he died. Eric climbed out of bed to clean himself. John left love bites all over his body, looking licentious and painful. Eric didn¡¯t know whether John¡¯s other lovers would endure being treated like this, but he knew he would take anything John gave him. Because he was used to condoning John and everything about him. Frowning, Eric pressed his forehead on the edge of the tub, sticking his forefinger and middle finger in his anal, trying to wash out the sperm John left there. He was tired and hurt. Maybe he shouldn¡¯t let John have his way every time. After taking the pill, Eric started to prepare breakfast. He knew John probably would have an epic hangover; so, he made something light and healthy, hoping they would make John feel better. He still had zero appetites and didn¡¯t cook anything for himself. Instead of eating, he grabbed a fantasy from the bookshelf, reading it on the sofa while waiting for John. John was up very late this morning. His thick dark hairs were messy for sleeping and sticking out in all directions. John smiled sweetly when he saw Eric and squeezed himself beside his lover, holding him in his arms like hugging a teddy bear. ¡°I need to leave tomorrow. Will be back in two weeks. Business trip¡­hate it.¡± Eric let out the breath he was holding, ¡°OK.¡± That meant he could go to the hospital by himself. ¡°On your own?¡± Eric broke free from John¡¯s arms, walking to the kitchen to bring John his breakfast. John cleared his throat awkwardly, ¡°Well, no. With my secretary and some managers.¡± Actually, Eric didn¡¯t care about this. Handing John a plate of food, he sighed, ¡°Thomas deserves a raise. You give him too much work.¡± John¡¯s voice was muffled by food, ¡°Thomas will stay behind. I¡¯ll take the new guy, help him familiar with the job.¡± Eric chuckled humourlessly, ¡°Do I know this new guy?¡± ¡°Of course not. Told you he¡¯s new to the company. You left too long and couldn¡¯t even name all members of the directorate, let alone Kyson. He is just graduated¡­¡± John held his tongue the moment he realized he said too much. But Eric was already heard enough. Well, if John considered this Kyson so important, then he was definitely not a simple secretary like John claimed. Chapter 19 Pets Eric sighed, secretly laughing at his senseless worrying. He cleaned his hands, then headed to pack for John. Kittens he brought back were exuberant and full of curiosity. They lined up, following Eric up and down, mewing after him sweetly. One by one, they jumped the empty open case Eric put on the ground, playing hide-and-seek in there with each other. ¡°Alright, out! All of you.¡± Eric pulled all four of them out, rubbing their soft ears indulgently. ¡°John would go crazy when he sees you¡­¡± Actually, John had been standing by the door frame and watching them for a long while. He was a little afraid yet lulled by Eric¡¯s gentleness. Kyson Sheen had a noisy husky. John tried to put up with the dog, then realized he couldn¡¯t stand ubiquitous dog hair. So, he forced Kyson to send the dog away. Kyson cried for it, but still agreed. Now, looking at Eric and his kittens, John suddenly had a weird feeling that, although he didn¡¯t like dog hair, he could endure some cat hair. John always knew no lovers of his could take over Eric¡¯s position. He would never dump Eric. Yes, he was tired of normal daily life with Eric. After all, John Chapman was an ordinary man, and he needed some fun in life. However, he also spent so many years with Eric. In his mind, Eric was his family. Families should never leave each other. John¡¯s thoughts were no doubt childish and selfish. And, he would soon know that life and people were both more capricious than anyone could imagine. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. Eric helped John wearing a scarf. John never liked wearing scarfs. He believed they made him look like a big-headed idiot. Literally and non-literally. But John had never refused, because he knew Eric did it for worrying about his well-being. Looking at Eric, John chuckled: ¡°Such a nice little wife of mine, are you?¡± Eric rolled his eyes: ¡°Go, now. You¡¯ll be late.¡± Rubbing Eris¡¯s sharp--¡ªmuch sharper than before¡ªcheeks, John whispered: ¡°Take care of yourself. You are so skinny. Later, when I come back, let¡¯s go to the hospital, to take more test.¡± Eric knew John¡¯s ¡®later¡¯ probably would be ¡®never¡¯, but he said nothing and nodded obediently. Looking after John through the window, Eric was surprised by how love could sneak in people¡¯s head and change someone¡¯s view. In many people¡¯s eyes, John Chapman was just a normal thirty-something businessman. But to Eric Cleese, John was the most special one in the whole world; the one who could always stand out from the crowd. He wished John could look back before getting on the car. He wished his lover could smile to him one last time before he left. Yet, his little wishes dashed: John left without looking back. Slowly walking into the dining room, Eric sat down, finishing his already cold breakfast. John was rarely calling Eric while on a business trip. Eric didn¡¯t care whether he was too busy to call or just didn¡¯t want to. He believed it¡¯s unnecessary. Because you could stop neither a dog returns to its vomit nor fools return to their folly. To his surprise, chemotherapy didn¡¯t cause Eric sequelae as he expected. But it¡¯s just a beginning. Eric already prepared for the worst, because now he couldn¡¯t care less about his or their future. Dr. Idle took his therapy much more serious than Eric himself. He would call Eric several times a day, just to make sure he felt alright. Eric was amused by his attentiveness and asked once: ¡°Is it alright to make personal calls in working hour?¡± The doctor gaped with fake surprise: ¡°These are not personal calls! I¡¯m just taking care of my patients.¡± Till now, Eric finally realized that Dr. Idle was not apathetic as he thought when they first met. He was actually a funny, gentle and caring person, who always reminded Eric about a golden retriever raised by his father. He then stopped his wool-gathering, chiding himself in mind for comparing the doctor with a dog. Chapter 20 Palpitate Eric backed to the hospital the next day. The sun was shining highly in the sky, which was really rare in winter. Dr. Idle smiled the minute he saw Eric. The latter was wrapped in layers and layers of thick cloths as usual. His fur-lined looked extremely warm and comfortable under the bleak winter sun. The doctor couldn¡¯t help but touch the furry hat with a broad smile. ¡°Yes, doc?¡± Eric asked in confusion. His face and lips were as white as sheet under the sun. ¡°Wait.¡± Michael chucked, taking a picture of Eric with his phone and showing it to his puzzled patient: ¡°With that hat, you look like a little tiger.¡± Eric laughed, not only for Michael¡¯s lame joke, but for his childishness. But all of these were wiped out by the excruciating pain brought by chemotherapy. His hair was damped by sweat; his stomach was aching for vomiting caused by his therapy. Eric bit his lower lip to stop moaning, for he had nobody to depend on. Dr. Idle came to visit Eric after the therapy and saw him lying on bed lifelessly. For a brief moment, he thought Eric was already died. He called the latter¡¯s name under his breath, desperately waiting for Eric¡¯s answer. After a pause as long as eternal, Eric finally moved. He looked up, eyes watery with tears, whispering: ¡°I¡¯m alright. Just, hurt¡­¡± Michael felt really bad for him. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. Actually, he called Eric a little tiger just to make him happy. In Michael¡¯s mind, Eric Cleese was nothing like a tiger, more like a kitten: charming, but too weak to defeat himself. ¡°Come on, you can take a little nap at my place.¡± Holding Eric¡¯s arm, Michael led him to his office. ¡°I hide some snacks there, you¡¯ll like them.¡± Eric was too weak to refuse. Till lying on daybed in Michael¡¯s office, he realized that the doctor changed the mattress into a much thicker and cosier one. He almost groaned for its comfort once he lay on it. ¡°Take a rest. I still have something work to do.¡± Michael tucked him gently in a blanket smelt like sunlight. Eric buried his face in it and inhaled deeply, almost weeping for the caring he felt. He had been ill-treated for so long, a little kindness from strangers would move him to tears. Other from that, Eric was also a bit worried. Because he didn¡¯t know how to repay the doctor¡¯s gentleness. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± Michael pulled the curtains. ¡°I¡¯ll wake you up when everything is done.¡± Eric was so tired and fell asleep in no time. Looking at his face, Michael was pondering why would he care so much about this man. He didn¡¯t want Eric to be hurt or wronged. He didn¡¯t like to see Eric feel dejected just because of his never-there-for-him boyfriend. Although born into privilege and money, Michael was well-educated, behaved and not even close to a typical spoiled trust-fund baby. He had never drunk or smoked, never been promiscuous. The only two thing he had cared were his cars and orchids. And the latter was actually inherited from his father. Mr. Idle should never know that his son gave one of the most precious orchids to a stranger. Michael reminded himself with a faint smile. Eric hadn¡¯t had a sweet and dreamless sleep like this in a long time. It felt like he was sleeping on the cloud: everything was so quiet and peaceful, and with the sweet smell of Osmanthus looming in the air. The sky was completely dark when he awoke. Opening his eyes, Eric saw Dr. Idle sitting beside the daybed, reading. ¡°Hello, sleeping beauty. How are you feeling now?¡± Closing the book, Michael grinned. Eric got off the bed: ¡°Good. Great. Sorry for the inconvenience.¡± ¡°Not at all.¡± Michael pointed a hamper on the nearby desk. ¡°I got you some food from my favourite Cantonese restaurant. It¡¯s still warm. Eat some before you leave.¡± Eric raised an eyebrow in curiosity: since when did doctors buy dinner for their patients?