《First Wins & First Kisses: Confessions of a K-Pop Stan》 Airplanes Are No Place For Spilling Your Guts First Wins and First Kisses Confessions of a K-Pop Stan By Vivienne Saint Louis Prologue From the first time I laid eyes on Brendan Choi, I knew he would have my heart for a long time to come. I did not know then that one day I would also have his or that my diary would nearly end his career. Chapter 1 Airplanes Are No Place for Spilling Your Guts 30 June ¨C Heathrow Airport Departures I¡¯m standing in front of airport security. My mum is fussing over me. My kid brother has his head buried in a video game console and my father is checking that I have all my documents. My two best friends Liz and Sunny are waiting behind me. Liz in her phone, tapping her high heel sandals, and Sunny, holding up a pair of character plushies trying to decide which to leave out of her bag for the plane ride. ¡®Are you sure you packed everything love?¡¯ said Mum, the worry in her voice so thick, I was afraid she¡¯d burst into tears right there. ¡®Yes, mum, I have it all,¡± I said running off a list in my head. ¡®Passport, emergency contact card, allergy card, travel insurance card, hotel number and address in both Korean and English, the name and phone number of the Korean Tourism liaison and the phone number for the British Embassy in Seoul. I haven¡¯t forgotten anything mum.¡¯ ¡®Our girl¡¯s got everything sorted honey,¡¯ said my dad in his calm American accent as he patted me on the head like I was 13 again and starting secondary school in England for the first time. ¡®Don¡¯t worry Mr. and Mrs. Blackwood,¡¯ came Liz¡¯s sweet voice from behind me as she placed a hand on my shoulder. ¡®I¡¯ll look after Gel, I promise.¡¯ Liz had this mature air around her that adults responded to well, a trait I wish I had. With her womanly proportions and tall stature, she looked so much older than me when in truth we were the same age. ¡®Boarding starts in an hour, and we have a bit of a trek to the gate,¡¯ she said, gently pulling me away from my parents. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. ¡®And Liz wants to hit the duty-free shops,¡¯ Sunny muttered causing Liz¡¯s head to turn sharply to her. ¡®I just wanted a quick look, pick up anything I might have forgotten,¡¯ she said with an air that it wasn¡¯t important, but I knew better. ¡®Alright,¡¯ said Mum with a sigh and a sniff. ¡®You call me as soon as you land you hear me.¡¯ ¡®If you¡¯re still awake,¡¯ I said allowing Liz to stir me into the queue for security. ¡®You know she won¡¯t sleep a wink until she¡¯s heard from you,¡¯ whispered my dad when he leaned over to plant a quick kiss on my cheek. I could practically feel Liz and Sunny¡¯s impatience with my family who insisted on staying near the queue until we were behind the doors. My face burned as I caught sight of my parents waving from the barricade and shouting after me. ¡®Take care Gel!¡¯ ¡®Be safe,¡¯ ¡®Bring me lots of presents.¡¯ Then at long last, the doors shut behind me and we were in the next set of queues for immigration. As I handed the immigration officer my passport, I could hardly believe where I was. Just four weeks ago, I was writing a blog entry about wanting to go to South Korea. Then I get an e-mail from the organizer from Korea Tourism that I won an all-expenses paid trip to South Korea thanks to my blog ¡®Confessions of a K-pop Stan¡¯. A blog that was supposed to just be a hobby which became more like a part time job. I travelled all around Europe and the Americas to attend K-pop events and concerts and then blog about them afterwards. Now, finally I get to do it in the country I have been dreaming about for years. ¡®Come on Gel!¡¯ yelled Liz from the other side of the immigration queues, her eyes glowing as she looked upon the inviting duty-free shops. ¡®Come on, let¡¯s get this over with so we can get on board,¡¯ sighed Sunny from beside me. Liz immerged some 20 minutes later checking a long receipt while I looked around for the gate number guide. ¡®Where¡¯s our gate again?¡¯ ¡®Don¡¯t worry, I got it sorted,¡¯ said Liz whipping out her phone. She sent a number of texts and then waited with a satisfied smile on her face. ¡®What did you do?¡¯ I asked frowning slightly. I turned to Sunny who just shrugged. ¡®You¡¯ll see.¡¯ And see we did. A long cart raced down the marbled floor and came to a halt in front of us. ¡®Are you Miss Beechwood-Howe?¡¯ the uniformed driver asked, and Liz stepped up. ¡®I¡¯m Miss Beechwood-Howe,¡¯ she said brightly with an emphasis on ¡®I¡¯m.¡¯ ¡®Your carriage awaits,¡¯ she said Sunny mockingly as we three made it on to the cart with no walls or doors. I held on to the bar in front of me like we were on a rollercoaster as the driver sped through the airport at top speed. ¡®How did she do that?¡¯ Sunny whispered in my ear from behind me. ¡®How does she ever?¡¯ I muttered in response. Elizabeth Beechwood-Howe lived a charmed life Sunny, and I could only wonder about. Thanks to her, we made it to the gate in next to no time, just as the staff was starting pre-boarding. ¡®Thanks Thomas!¡¯ said Liz kindly, reading the name on his tag. ¡®Anytime Miss,¡¯ he said, depositing our carryon bags before driving away. ¡®Now boarding our Premier First-Class customers,¡¯ said a voice over the loudspeaker. Liz perked up and gestured for us to follow her. ¡®Thank goodness I was able to cash in our coach tickets. Imagine flying coach internationally.¡¯ ¡®The horror,¡¯ said Sunny in mock indignation. ¡®You¡¯ll be thanking me when you¡¯re sleeping in your flatbed seat and not hunched over your tray table with some stranger leaning on your shoulder,¡¯ said Liz airily and Sunny and I exchanged equally grossed out faces. The seats were better than we could have imagined, cream fully reclining seats with a built-in massage function, fluffy slippers, a fleece blanket and pillow, an eye mask for sleeping and a curtain we could draw for privacy. ¡®GXY¡¯s new comeback song will be out before we even land, so we gotta start streaming the moment we land,¡¯ says Liz with a fiery determination in her amber eyes. ¡®The airport should have Wi-Fi we can connect to when we land,¡¯ says Sunny knowledgeably. ¡®And just in case, I already have international data roaming on my phone and my iPad so I can stream on both.¡¯ ¡®I love you Liz,¡¯ I announce with a soft smile at my friend. This trip is going to be amazing, and I have the to two best people in the world to share this adventure with. I just hope it¡¯s everything I¡¯ve been expecting. Comeback

Chapter 2

Comeback GXY_Officialmembers #Bren Hello my Dear Astras, Get ready to Rock with us tomorrow with the release of our 3rd Mini Album ¡°Rock Galaxy¡± #BrendanChoi #Bren #GXY #RockGalaxy #RockwithGXY Bren ¡®Go over it again,¡¯ barked the choreographer Remi and at her words, I could swear my muscles ached. No one grounded or mumbled their pain outwardly. That would come later in our dorms when we crawl into our beds. And I will take a long hot shower while the others sleep soundly. I would have to sleep on the way to our comeback stage tomorrow or I wouldn¡¯t be Brendan Choi, leader of GXY. Functioning on little sleep is second nature to me now thanks to years of training. We went over the chereo another two times before Remi was satisfied, clapping and stomping her long staff to the beat, her voice as loud as the drill sergeant she longed to be. ¡®Rest,¡¯ she finally said and the 7 of us collapsed on the training room floor panting and moves for our water bottles. I drank so much water I thought I drown in it before I had my fill and sealed the top. To be honest, I would have been happy to go over it a 4th time. With our schedule for the week packed, I could not afford to make any mistakes. This comeback was either going to make or break us and I was determined for our 2nd mini album to be successful. Our debut mini album did okay. Selling around 50,000 copies and our MV plateaued around 14 million views. At the time it was considered a good start and won us some rookie awards and yet we didn¡¯t manage to get a win on a music show either with that release or our next release which was a single album. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. While we caught our breaths, the trainer monitored our dance rehearsal on his tablet, our comeback song echoing off the walls of the training room. ¡®Can¡¯t believe our comeback stage is tomorrow,¡¯ said our lead vocal Hyeon handing me a towel. ¡®Thanks bro,¡¯ I said not really responding to what he said as I wiped sweat off my brow and my arms. ¡®How many hours of sleep will we get tonight?¡¯ Asked our Maknae Minho looking downcast, and I sympathized with him but as the leader it¡¯s my job to keep morale up. ¡®Get showered and get to bed as soon as we get back to the dorm and have your bag and shoes ready by the door and you¡¯ll get the most sleep.¡¯ Is what I answered with a rifle of his hair, he nodded, and I gave him a swift hug. ¡®Dude, our teaser reached half a million views in 12 hours!¡¯ Exclaims our sub rapper Tony K, holding his phone out in disbelief, running his free hand through his long red hair. ¡®What!¡¯ ¡®For real.¡¯ ¡®That¡¯s more than our Milky Way MV did in 24 hours,¡¯ said our main vocal Seungyoun referring to the title track off our single album. Everyone gathered around and started at the tiny screen. But I looked at the glowing and hopeful eyes of my team and I didn¡¯t want to squash their hopes with saying something cynical like it¡¯s probably just a momentary boost thanks to ads and sharing but I wanted to believe that our 3rd comeback would be successful too. We worked so hard over the past two years and our fans, our Dear Astras were waiting for us and streaming in the small hours of the night to get our numbers up and I didn¡¯t want to let them down. Two years of getting little sleep, dancing and singing every day, going on every variety show that would take us, doing both online and offline promotions just to get us some airtime. It¡¯s for them that we¡¯re doing all this, and for the dream of one day holding that trophy in our hands and saying, ¡®We made it.¡¯ Speed Talking and MV Streaming

Chapter 3

Speed Talking and MV Streaming @BrensAngel Hi everyone! On the flight to Incheon airport! How cool is it that the plane has wifi. Can¡¯t wait til we land. 2 hours down, 10 to go! #Inflightwifi #Travel #SouthKorea @Beechgirl @BrensAngel Going to pull on my silk eye mask to hide my gold under-eye mask haha Hopefully, I will sleep through the flight and wake up with beautiful skin. #Gold #Firstclass #Extra I had one of those K-Drama moments where you leave baggage claim and there in a crowd of people is someone holding a big sign with your name printed on it. Of course, she put my full name that I never go by, Gelilina and I had to bite the inside of my mouth to keep from sighing. We approached the tall glamorous woman holding the sign with some trepidation but then she beamed at us, and I relaxed. ¡®You must be Gelilina,¡¯ she said with a thick American accent. Talking fast and moving us along the busy airport with no idea when I could say something cause she barely took a breath between sentences. ¡®I¡¯m Jenny Young from the Korea Tourism Association. Congrats on winning our grand prize by the way. You may call me Miss J. Welcome to South Korea girls. I have everything prepared for you already. You¡¯ll be staying at the Grand Troy Hotel in Gangnam. It¡¯s absolutely gorgeous and overlooks Hangan River. You will love it. As you are the grand prize winner, you will be put up in the Princess suite. I have some lovely treats to welcome you already put in your room thanks to my assistant here, Daniel. Say hi to Daniel.¡¯ The bespectacled slight man who had to jog to keep up with her nodded at us. ¡®Its 18:30 and it will take about an hour to get to the hotel. You will have dinner as soon as you arrive, but I am sure you are eager to get out of your airplane clothes so I made reservations for 20:00 and the hotel restaurant agreed to seat us late should you girls need a little more time. There¡¯s a limo waiting to take you to the hotel, a little welcome to Korea present. Oh, and don¡¯t worry about wifi, Daniel rented you all portable wifi routers, just don¡¯t forget to charge them at night. Your first schedule is tomorrow morning at 9:30 in Digital Media City for Music Time pre-recording, so you will have breakfast in your hotel rooms. Don¡¯t be afraid to call room service. Everything is on us. And of course, do not forget your notebook and camera so you can blog about everything. Any questions?¡¯ I had about a thousand but the first thing that came out of my mouth was, ¡®Please, call me Gel. Like the G in good. and nice to meet you Miss J.¡¯ ¡®Nice to meet you too, aren¡¯t you sweet,¡¯ said Miss J putting her hand to her mouth in an over exaggerated way. Rather like a movie star talking to normal people. ¡®Okay, it¡¯s pretty humid girls so I also got you portable fans for when you go out and lots of sunblock. You¡¯ll find them all in your rooms along with some sunglasses from Something Hot, a brand gift so do take photos of you wearing them for the blog okay.¡¯ ¡®Something Hot, that¡¯s a luxury eyewear brand,¡¯ Sunny whispered to me, leaning over to me with some trouble as she was pushing her cart full of luggage. ¡®Almost a thousand pounds a pair.¡¯ The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. They were going all out to welcome us, and I was certainly grateful, but it was hard not to be overwhelmed by it all. Liz on the other hand looked thrilled, nodding along to everything Miss J said, pushing her cart with one hand and using her smartphone with the other. ¡®OMG, the hype for GXY¡¯s release is massive, it¡¯s been out 30 minutes, and its already trending on Twitter!¡¯ she exclaimed. ¡®We have to listen to it as soon as we get in the limo. I cannot wait til we get to the hotel though, Miss J¡¯s right, I am mingin.¡¯ At her words, my heart leaped. Will this finally be their first big hit? For the past two years, I¡¯ve been stanning GXY and sharing their amazing music with everyone I knew including my two best friends who I made fans too. It was the leader Brendan Choi who first caught my eye back when he was a model before GXY¡¯s debut, appearing in various commercials and music videos of his labelmates. GXY has 7 members, Brendan the main rapper who we usually call Bren, Tony K, the sub rapper, Seungyoun Bae, the main vocal, Jupiter aka Park Sejun the subvocal who we call JT, main dancer Shou Orihara, lead vocal Hyeon and the maknae Kang Min-ho. They debuted under Outer World Entertainment, a mid-size company that¡¯s been around for a while with 4 other successful artists under its label. GXY did a lot of pre-promotion for their mini album Rock Galaxy including maknae Min-ho¡¯s adorable acting debut in a web drama and Seungyoun¡¯s impressive stage musical. For the last three months, OWE focused on the members individual projects so that the boys could draw in new fans. With all that they have achieved over the past two years, a music show win still eludes them and it¡¯s all I want for them, us all the Dear Astras, our fandom name, around the world rooting for them. Most of my life, astronomy has been my obsession thanks in large part to my dad being one of the most well-known astrophysicists in the world taking me to lectures, planetariums and even naming me after his favourite astronomer. But K-pop came into my life and brought me something I could call my own. Something I loved with all my heart and gave me joy and of course the occasional tears. GXY is the source of my happiness and why I got to have this amazing opportunity, two months in South Korea going to music shows, fan signs, musicals, fashion shows, and sightseeing to all the places I¡¯ve only seen in K-Dramas and music videos. ¡®I want to stream all night in our hotel,¡¯ I said, the excitement building up inside me like a balloon. ¡®Don¡¯t worry, we will have you there in a flash,¡¯ says Miss J with a wink and a mock English accent as we approach the doors out to the car park and suddenly, we were hit with a wave of humidity that feels rather like walking in a steam room. ¡®Ych a fi!¡¯ Liz exclaims in Welsh. ¡®Okay this is mingin,¡¯ says Sunny pulling a face. ¡®Been to Korea to visit my family numerous times but I¡¯ll never get used to the humidity.¡¯ Thankfully, the stretch limo was already waiting for us when we stepped outside, and soon as we and our bags were in, the three of us were on our phones checking Twitter and YouTube. Miss J and Daniel sat upfront to give us privacy which I was really grateful for. The first time we had to ourselves since we landed but we were on full Dear Astra mode and ready to take in GXY¡¯s comeback song. ¡®How are the views?¡¯ ¡®Frozen, bloody hell.¡¯ ¡®But look at the number of likes!¡¯ ¡®Liz pull it up on your iPad so we can watch the MV together first, then start streaming on our devices.¡¯ Within minutes we squished together with Liz in the middle and the large iPad balanced on her lap. She loaded up GXY¡¯s MV for their title track ¡®Moonlight Eyes,¡¯ and the first thing we saw was Bren¡¯s beautiful face, his eyes closed and laying on the grass with a blanket of stars above him. I thought he looked breathtaking, and I put my hand to my heart the moment I saw him. A beautiful piano opened the song but then the beat came in and it was a dramatic dance track with the boys in deep blue outfits. Bren being the more muscular of the 7, wore a v-neck shirt that showed a lot of his chest and made my face warm. The song was both sexy and romantic with the lyrics designed to make us swoon and swoon we did. ¡®Kyaaaa look at Minno!¡¯ said Sunny, clapping her hands to her mouth at the sight of her bias. ¡®Tony K needs to stop with those stares, he is too sexy.¡¯ ¡®This song is fire,¡¯ I said not taking my eyes off the screen for a moment. All too quickly for me, the song ended and we immediately hit the replay button. I loaded the song up on my iPhone and my notebook pc for what would be an hour streaming session. Miss J even lent us her phone to stream on the Korean sites. Daniel streamed the song on his own phone and connected the device to the limo¡¯s speakers, so the limo was filled with GXY¡¯s music. As we streamed, we hoped with all our hearts that it would be enough. That Moonlight Eyes would chart, trend, and break records. But no matter how it did, I loved the song and MV so much. Our boys deserve the world and the feeling I feel when I listen to their music is more important to me than any accolade. Fate and other Four Letter Words

Chapter 4

Fate and other 4 letter Words Twitter Feed GXY_Officialmembers #Bren Hi, my Dear Astras, ¡°Rock Galaxy¡± is here! Do you like it? #BrendanChoi #Bren #GXY #RockGalaxy #RockwithGXY @BrensAngel?@GXY_Officialmembers Hi Bren! I absolutely adore it, especially your line, ¡®When the moonlight hits your eyes, your voice is so lush. #RockGalaxy #RockwithGXY #Moonlighteyes @Beechgirl?@GXY_Officialmembers The song is giving me life! I am buzzing. @SummerKiki GXY MoonlightEyes?@GXY_Officialmembers Congrats on your comeback! GXY first win let¡¯s go! Bren I paced in the waiting room like a mad man, the members outside monitoring our rehearsal and all I thought about was the time. As the seconds ticked by agonizingly slow, my heart caught in my throat and its all I can do not to scream. Just then Tony walked in and shut the door behind him, meanwhile I am still pacing. ¡®What time is it?¡¯ I asked him. ¡¯10 minutes to 19:00,¡¯ he said and he gave me a look like I¡¯d grown three heads. ¡®Hyung you look sick.¡¯ I didn¡¯t answer, just bit my thumbnail absentmindedly while Tony took a seat on my left. ¡®Weil, I guess you have a right to look sick, knowing what you know.¡¯ I froze and my eyes snapped to him. ¡®Bro, keep your voice down,¡¯ I warned him and checked that the door was indeed closed. ¡®No one else knows, bloody hell you¡¯re not even supposed to know.¡¯ If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. ¡®Know that our entire future is riding on this one song,¡¯ he said lazily checking his hair in the mirror. ¡®Why did I even tell you?¡¯ ¡®Well, you were pissed at the time.¡¯ ¡®Well, I just found out the CEO will basically give up on us if this comeback isn¡¯t his idea of successful. You¡¯d get pissed too.¡¯ There it was. Our fate dangling by a thin line, a line and numbers on a chart. ¡®Our MV views are high,¡¯ Tony argued. ¡®MV views won¡¯t get the CEO off my back, hell MV views won¡¯t get my dad off my back.¡¯ What convinced my father to let me push back going to university to pursue music I will never know. I was supposed to learn the family business and one day take over myself. But he said to me, ¡®Youth is fleeting son, spend it how you like cause once it¡¯s over, you¡¯ll never get it back.¡¯ But his patience was wearing thin. If I don¡¯t deliver results, I can kiss my dreams goodbye. ¡®Hey at least if this fails, you have a job waiting for you,¡¯ said Tony possibly reading my thoughts and he kept the bitterness in his voice to a bare minimum. That was the reality of my situation. ¡®No matter what happens today, you¡¯ll bounce back.¡¯ He didn¡¯t look as downcast as I thought he should, still a note of sarcasm in his voice but no sadness. ¡®How can you be so calm about all this?¡¯ ¡®Cause. like you, I have a plan if this goes pear shaped. I¡¯ll go back to the states. Get my degree and maybe start producing rather than performing.¡¯ Tony was a talented and sought-after music producer, having produced tracks for other more successful artist including some soundtracks for hit dramas. He spoke with a nonchalant voice and with a weak smile on his face then his eyes turned dark. ¡®It¡¯s the others I¡¯m worried about.¡¯ My dongseangs didn¡¯t have it as well as the two of us. Failure would mean something different to them both mentally and financially. ¡®You¡¯ll have to tell them eventually you know,¡¯ said Tony. ¡®Don¡¯t leave it til the CEO tells us to pack our bags.¡¯ ¡®How can I tell them,¡¯ I said, my voice rising. ¡®I could only tell you cause I was pissed out of my mind.¡¯ How can I tell Seungyoun, JT, Shou, Hyeon and Minho that their dreams end here? How on earth can I tell little Minho fresh off his successful webdrama that his career will end with this song? That 2 years, hell no 5 years of his life was going to go down the drain? That all his hopes and dreams were going to be washed away and he¡¯ll be labelled a failed idol. No, I couldn¡¯t do it. Not yet. Not until I know for sure that it is over. That there will be no turn around. When I can finally face it myself, I will have the courage to face them. ¡®I¡¯ll wait until our last stage, then break it to them,¡¯ I said. ¡®So, we can go out with a bang and make our last performance our best.¡¯ ¡®Two minutes,¡¯ said Tony checking his Apple watch. What does success look like? Is it the amount of fans? The amount of money, the amount of passion for the craft? Success means something different to a lot of people. To me, it¡¯s seeing the looks on our Dear Astras faces when we perform. Hearing their fanchants, reading their fan letters and reading how our music touches them. How lyrics I wrote got them to feel better about a tough situation or helped them cope with loss. Unfortunately, my version of success isn¡¯t shared by our CEO or my father. Success to OWE is charting high, selling high because those things lead to getting sponsorships. Sponsorships is how idols make money. And only successful idols are offered sponsorships. Failure here means crawling back to my father and telling him my dreams weren¡¯t good enough. That I wasn¡¯t good enough. ¡®Hyung,¡¯ came Tony¡¯s deep voice blankly staring at his smartphone. Eyes unblinking, mouth open. Will fate give us another chance or will Moonlight Eyes be our final stage? It’s a Good Thing Fanwars Only Happen Online

Chapter 5

It¡¯s a Good Thing Fanwars Only Happen Online Confessions of a K-Pop Stan Blog GXY Breaks Records and Makes Headlines Hello Everyone, its your girl Angel G here from my hotel room at the Grand Troy Hotel in Seoul giving you the latest and what¡¯s made this Dear Astra jump up with joy is the nearly 2 dozen articles that popped up after GXY popped off with their 3rd Mini Album Rock Galaxy. Here are some of the titles below. ¡®A 2 year old group charts high for the first time in their career¡¯ ¡®GXY Breaks All Their Previous Sales Records¡¯ ¡®GXY¡¯s Rock Galaxy sells 75,236 copies in one day!¡¯ ¡®GXY Breaks previous record set by The Xtremes¡¯ ¡®Moonlight Eyes Reaches 8 million views in less than 24 hours.¡¯ My boys, our boys sold 75,236 copies in one day tripling the sales of their previous album and their song Moonlight Eyes debuted at 40 on Kiwi Chart, 45 on Glo, 25 on Fairy at 19:00 and their B-sides also charted. By 23:00 Moonlight Eyes peaked at 18 on Kiwi Chart, the most difficult chart to enter for male idols. I am buzzin so much I can¡¯t sleep. I just want to stream until I pass out. All the members posted their thanks on their social media accounts. It was so touching how happy everyone was. I can¡¯t tell you how many videos there are of Dear Astras crying on Tiktok and Instagram. And no, I didn¡¯t post mine and yes, I did cry too. Tomorrow or I should say today is their first stage performance of Moonlight Eyes and I will get to see it up close at Music Time. Of course, I will be blogging about the entire experience. See you then my lovelies. Angel G Out ¡®Gel, you done with the blog entry?¡¯ called Sunny from the sitting room. ¡®Nearly, just posting it now,¡¯ I called back before clicking ¡®post¡¯ on the screen. Then I shut my writing laptop and joined the girls in my sitting room. Because I had easily the largest hotel room, we decided to gather in mine so we could stream together. ¡®Did you see that video of Minho sobbing Tony posted?¡¯ Liz asked, holding up her phone to me. ¡®Of course, they have to tease the maknae for getting emotional,¡¯ I muttered but I am smiling just the same knowing they were all probably really emotional after seeing the chart results. I could hardly believe it when the clock stuck 19:00 and we refreshed the chart to see Moonlight Eyes already halfway up the chart. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. I actually panicked because I usually scroll all the way down to the bottom of the chart and then work my way up. My heart stopped when I didn¡¯t see them but then Sunny screamed, and I kept scrolling to find them at number 40 right above their B-side track ballad ¡®The Trouble With Love.¡¯ ¡®How are the MV views?¡¯ I ask taking my seat on the sofa with them. My hotel room looked rather like a three-room flat and it lived up to the name Princess suite with its high ceilings, a pink canopy bed, marble on nearly every surface, one of those fancy chrome shower heads that point down, a large vanity mirror complete with complimentary makeup from the top Korean beauty brands. Like Liz would say, it was cowing lush. I felt like I¡¯d been thrown into a fairy tale. ¡®I don¡¯t believe it, the views are frozen again,¡¯ Liz exclaimed scrunching her eyes. ¡®It¡¯s them init? Those antis posting emojis in the comments to get the views to freeze or get deleted.¡¯ ¡®It gets better,¡¯ said Sunny her eyebrow creasing as she showed me a headline on her screen but everything was in Korean. There are pictures of GXY but that¡¯s all I can make out. I know it¡¯s a Korean portal site for rumours and gossip. ¡®Sweetie, what am I looking at?¡¯ ¡®Some Knetz are accusing OWE of chart manipulation.¡¯ ¡®No!¡¯ Liz and I said in unison. ¡®That¡¯s bang out of order,¡¯ growled Liz and she swore under her breath in Welsh. ¡®I bet you anything it¡¯s those Sixes,¡¯ said Sunny If I hadn¡¯t been knackered, I would have been screaming and shouting the moment Sunny said those words. But I was seething inside at the thought of that fandom spreading malicious lies about GXY. The Sixes were The Xtremes fandom and they hated us. The Xtremes and GXY debuted around the same time and they¡¯ve been rivals ever since. The Sixes hated us Dear Astras and do whatever they can to undermined us. It didn¡¯t help that The Xtremes were from a much bigger label and had a massive fanbase not to mention they were more successful and the Sixes were kind enough to remind us of it every chance they got. It didn¡¯t matter to them that the members actually got on pretty well. GXY¡¯s Seungyoun and The Xtremes WonX both went to the same performing arts school. Sixes and Dear Astras would always be at odds with one another. It just so happens that The Xtremes are performing today too but this week is the last week of their promotions. Their latest song Bad Luck is number 5 on Kiwi Chart. Peaked at number 2 behind the hugely popular girl group Spyder¡¯s song Black Widows Web. ¡®Don¡¯t worry though,¡¯ said Sunny scrolling down the comments. ¡®Looks like most people don¡¯t believe it.¡¯ ¡®Who would?¡¯ said Liz. ¡®If OWE had the connections to chart manipulate then they would have done it way before now or better still, made them chart higher than 40. Their peak on the easiest chart to chart on, Fairy, is only at 18.¡¯ ¡®More to that there¡¯s no point in them chart manipulating,¡¯ I argued at once turning from the article I wanted so much to comment on myself. ¡®You can¡¯t artificially create popularity. Not in a place like Korea. Not when real popularity can be measured as easily as the volume of fanchants a group has.¡¯ ¡®The Xtremes fanchants sound like an army drill,¡¯ said Liz frowning. ¡®GXY¡¯s fanchants sound more like junior cadets.¡¯ The three of us started laughing then Liz let out a huge yawn. ¡®I¡¯m bushed, enough active streaming for me,¡¯ she said. ¡®One needs her beauty sleep if I am going to see GXY up close in the morning.¡¯ ¡®You¡¯re right Izzy,¡¯ said Sunny. ¡®Lets trot off to Bedfordshire.¡¯ I chuckled at this. ¡®You sound like my mum.¡¯ And that¡¯s when it hit me. ¡®Oh my giddy aunt.¡¯ ¡®What?¡¯ ¡®I didn¡¯t phone home, I promised my mum I would as soon as we landed. She must be going frantic.¡¯ I made a mad scramble for my mobile while the other two headed for the door. ¡®Right then, you phone her, and we¡¯ll see you in the morning.¡¯ ¡®Night, night Gel.¡¯ ¡®Night.¡¯ I couldn¡¯t believe I¡¯d forgotten to phone her but I was preoccupied with GXY when we landed. I didn¡¯t even know what time it was in Cardiff, I just rang home as soon as the girls shut the door. It rang a full 4 times before someone picked up. ¡®What kind of time do you call this?¡¯ came the irritated voice of my mother. ¡®Hi mum.¡¯ ¡®Lina? My Lina?¡¯ ¡®Yeah mum its me,¡¯ I couldn¡¯t admit it even to myself how good it was to hear her voice and to hear her call me Lina. ¡®Harold! Come down, Its Lina! What took you?¡¯ she scolded but in a playful way. ¡®This and that.¡¯ ¡®Your Da couldn¡¯t sleep until he heard from you.¡¯ At those words I clutched my heart and felt a pang of guilt. ¡®Petal?¡¯ said the deep baritone that was my father¡¯s voice. ¡®It¡¯s me.¡¯ ¡®Oh my petal I miss you.¡¯ ¡®I miss you too.¡¯ ¡®I saw your planet today.¡¯ ¡®You did?¡¯ It was the planet that he saw the day I was born, Callisto. Discovered by my name sake Galileo. ¡®And speaking of planets, there¡¯s an exhibit in Seoul of my work at the National Science museum and Planetarium, you must see it.¡¯ ¡®Oh wow I didn¡¯t know that.¡¯ ¡®Didn¡¯t know if you¡¯d have time to see it, with one thing or another.¡¯ There was the merest trace of sadness in his voice like he felt I was drifting from him and the thing that made us so close. ¡®Dad, I will never not want to see your work, I¡¯ll make time to see it. I promise.¡¯ ¡®Alright Harold let her go to bed, its 2 am there, off to Bedfordshire with you Lina.¡¯ ¡®Yes, mum. I love you; I love you too dad.¡¯ ¡®We love you, talk to you soon.¡¯ I hung up the phone feeling both relieved and worried. I missed them so much already and I¡¯d only been in Korea hours. Was I really going to survive a whole two months without seeing them? Rivalries Are Supposed To Be Healthy

Chapter 6

Rivalries Are Supposed To Be Healthy Bren 7:00 am shone like a beacon on the large clock in the waiting room for Music Time. Most of the members were asleep or resting in chairs, on the floor on blankets or squished together on the long sofa. Our pre-recording was in a mere hours and we still needed a full two more dress rehearsals with fans. Our call time was 4:00 am. When we got there we were immediately rushed into a lengthy hair and makeup session while the tech team prepped our stage sets. Pre-recordings were the one place where we could perform our B-side tracks on music shows. But they were also the most exhausting time for idols. It meant the earliest of call times and long rehearsals and stage designs. Pre-recordings were usually for B-side tracks but occasionally groups would pre-record their actual stages if their schedule called for it. The thing about B-side pre-recordings was that it was a privilege. Not every group is given the opportunity to perform more than one song in a week even if it was their comeback stage. It was unheard of for unpopular groups to do it and lesser-known groups would sometimes even only perform a shortened version of the song. Only popular or trending artists were allowed to perform the full length of B-side songs. We got the notice from Manager Cho that our 2-minute B-side stage had suddenly changed into a full-length stage when we arrived at the venue. There we were standing in the crowded corridor to the waiting rooms when the PD for Music Time caught up to us with Manager Cho. ¡®Manager Cho!¡¯ he called, placing a hand on his shoulder. The PD was a well-dressed man with slicked-back hair and perpetually wore sunglasses whenever he wasn¡¯t in the studio. He had the biggest grin I¡¯d yet seen on him when he approached Manager Cho. I could feel his urge to step away from the PD who reeked off cologne, but he had to be respectful. This is the PD that not only invites artists for Music Time but other tv shows on the network including variety shows. ¡®Manager Cho could you do me a favour?¡¯ he asked in his most oily voice. ¡®One of our acts dropped out and we have some time we need to fill, do you think your boys could perform the full length of their song instead of the short one?¡¯ ¡®If that¡¯s what you¡¯d like Sir we¡¯ll do it,¡¯ said Manager Cho bowing. He had to say yes. It was a great chance to showcase our talents. It didn¡¯t matter that we hadn¡¯t rehearsed the full-length song for that day or that it would mean we would get less rest. We were going to do it. ¡®Knew I could count on you Manager Cho,¡¯ said the PD. ¡®See you during the dry rehearsal.¡¯ He sped away and we rushed into our waiting room. ¡®It¡¯s starting already,¡¯ said Seungyoun plopping down on the long sofa as soon as we entered. ¡®Things are changing for us because of Moonlight Eyes doing so well.¡¯ We high fived, Manager Cho joining in. ¡®It¡¯s a start,¡¯ is what the CEO said to me when he saw the chart and sales results. He¡¯d never admit he was truly satisfied but he saw us off on the way to Music Time, something he¡¯d only ever done for our more successful seniors in OWE. I wouldn¡¯t admit to myself how happy I was when I read the chart results, or when I saw Moonlight rising with each hour instead of falling like all our previous songs did. It¡¯s why I didn¡¯t celebrate it at first. ¡®It¡¯s just a momentary peak,¡¯ I argued. ¡®It will go down once everyone who is interested in it has listened and the hype wears off.¡¯ But it didn¡¯t. It had a steady climb before resting around the 18 position on the chart. Our previous release peaked at around 250 and none of our B-sides ever charted. To say I was happy would be an understatement, but I couldn¡¯t give into hope that it was enough. The realist in me told me there¡¯s a possibility it won¡¯t last. But the hopeful side, that side that teared up the moment I looked at the sobbing Minho or Tony¡¯s tear-stained face, that side was on cloud 9. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. ¡®This is just the beginning,¡¯ said Manager Cho putting his arm around my shoulder. ¡®Don¡¯t let this momentum die. Start practicing the full version of The Trouble With Love right now.¡¯ ¡®Did someone really drop out?¡¯ Shou, a realist like me asked around. ¡®Does it matter?¡¯ said JT incredulously. Truth be told it didn¡¯t matter but I had a sinking feeling that Shou was on to something. The PD could have easily used that excuse instead of the more obvious reason being that thanks to our recent success, we weren¡¯t nobodies who could only perform a shortened version of our song. Men like him rarely like to admit that they were wrong or that they underestimated our popularity. It was pure luck that our B-side track was a ballad and not a dance track because there¡¯s no way we could have pulled it off if it wasn¡¯t. Injuries, mistakes, running into each other on stage were just a few of the consequences that could occur when we weren¡¯t properly prepared. ¡®I¡¯m thirsty,¡¯ I said getting up from the long sofa with half the members still asleep after our long dry and full-dress rehearsals. We still had to do another couple when the fans arrive in a few hours¡¯ time. ¡®Getting something from the vending machine.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯m coming with you,¡¯ said Tony with a yawn and a stretch and together we made our way out of the room to the row of vending machines down the corridor but on the way we spotted two guys heading our way and I put my hands in my pockets, avoiding eye contact as much as I could but Tony waved one of them over. ¡®Wonie!¡¯ he called jovially ¡®Wha up T?¡¯ said the short stocky Xtremes member known publicly as Wonx. They bro hugged and Wonx stared up at me. ¡®Hi Hyung,¡¯ he said kindly while Tony put him in a head lock. I nodded and gave him a brief greeting, Trying with all my might to avoid the guy on his right. The Xtremes leader, Redx with his one red eyebrow makeup. ¡®Yo, Brendan,¡¯ he said with a smile like a hyena. ¡®Congrats on your comeback.¡¯ He clapped but it was the kind of clap you¡¯d give a kid playing football who just learned to kick the ball correctly. ¡®Come on Wonie, let¡¯s get some drinks,¡¯ said Tony ushering Wonx away and leaving me with Redx or Taewoo as he was more commonly known. ¡®Thank you,¡¯ I said dryly not removing my hands from my pockets. ¡®Why don¡¯t you look more happy? A comeback is something to be celebrated but I guess having as few as you do, you¡¯re not really used to it.¡¯ I could have lost it right then and there but I wasn¡¯t going to let this knob end get under my skin or worse still, let him know that he did. ¡®I¡¯m dancing on the inside,¡¯ Is what I answered, keeping my face neutral. ¡®You finally charted too, surprise you didn¡¯t die of shock.¡¯ ¡®Because I know there are more important things in life than numbers on a screen,¡¯ I said and Redx sneered. ¡®Oh and congratulations on ending your promotions this week.¡¯ ¡®Must make you happy knowing that GXY don¡¯t have to compete with us for first place since you only qualify for next week,¡¯ said Redx loftily. ¡®Oh yeah I¡¯m dead chuffed.¡¯ I said dryly. ¡®Oh, and nice job peaking at number 2 on the Kiwi. Such a shame you never overtook first position away from Spyder on any chart.¡¯ At this Redx clicked his teeth and I knew I¡¯d touched a nerve. ¡®Shame we can¡¯t promote together this time,¡¯ he said, ¡®Maybe next comeback, I mean assuming you¡¯ll get one.¡¯ ¡®I don¡¯t know. I think I want to spend some time with my fans. Do some touring and some fan meetings and let them energize us for the next comeback.¡¯ I said nonchalantly and at this Redx frowned. It was well known that The Xtreme¡¯s company rarely let them interact with their fans directly outside of fan signings. They didn¡¯t even accept gifts. Their managers would swat away fans who even tried to give them something. Not that we as GXY needed gifts from our fans, but their letters are the only things that kept us going during our hiatus from promoting. It was knowing that they were cheering for us and always on our side waiting for us to comeback that gave us strength throughout our hardships. ¡®Hyung,¡¯ came Wonx¡¯s voice as he and Tony returned with drinks for the four of us. ¡®Got you a cola,¡¯ said Tony handing me the drink. ¡®We should get going. Nice seeing you again Wonie, hyung.¡¯ Tony ushered me away while Wonx waved and Redx glared. ¡®How much of that did you hear?¡¯ I asked when we were out of earshot. ¡®Enough to want to rip that prick¡¯s eyebrow off,¡¯ said Tony denting the can of cider in his hand. ¡®His insults mean nothing,¡¯ I said. ¡®The only opinions that matter to us our from our Dear Astras.¡¯ I said confidently not speaking on the subject again. We still had to get through the week promoting alongside them. I hoped desperately we would have no more interactions with them than the bare minimum. But I hoped in vain. Lost in a Sea of Skyscrapers and Fans

Chapter 7

Lost in a Sea of Skyscrapers and Fans When the car dropped us off at Digital Media City in the heart of Seoul, I thought I¡¯d stepped into a sci-fi film because the buildings were not just towering skyscrapers, there were wild designs, art deco sculptures and unsymmetrical architecture. It was cool but also humbling to be in the presence of half a dozen skyscrapers in the middle of a mostly flat area. ¡®Okay is this Seoul or Coruscant from Star Wars?¡¯ said Sunny echoing my thoughts. ¡®I know right. When is a speeder gonna fly by?¡¯ we giggled and straightened up with Miss J stepped out of her boxy vehicle she used to drive us from the Troy. ¡®Welcome to DMC girls,¡¯ said Miss J waving her arms out with a flare. ¡®Take lots of pictures okay.¡¯ There was this one building shape kinda like the big egg in London that literally shimmered and I had to take a photo in front of it. While we were snapping photos a timid looking girl in curls and dungarees approached me. ¡®Excuse me, are you Angel G of Confessions of a K-pop stan?¡¯ she asked, and I nodded fervently. She looked around 16 with a kind face and a bag full of K-pop idol pin badges all over it. ¡®Yes, I am.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯m Bella, I saw your post on Twitter and thought I¡¯d say hi. I love your blog so much.¡¯ It wasn¡¯t the first time I¡¯d been recognised because of my blog but it was the first time in Korea, and I had to admit it was pretty cool. ¡®Been reading your blog for a while, I commented that I¡¯m an exchange student from New York and that I¡¯d love to meet you if I could.¡¯ ¡®Oh yeah, you¡¯re BellingSwansee right? I¡¯d never forget that name.¡¯ At this Bella eyebrows crinkled and her cheeks went pink. ¡®Is it okay if I have a picture with you?¡¯ ¡®Yes, of course,¡¯ said Miss J for me perking up and taking Bella¡¯s phone from her. Sunny and Liz stepped to the side while Miss J snapped a few photos of us first on her phone then on mine. ¡®Are you here for GXY¡¯s prerecording?¡¯ I asked when the little photo session was over and we were on our way again. ¡®Yep,¡¯ she said skipping alongside me while I walked hand and hand with Sunny and Liz. ¡®I¡¯m so pumped plus it¡¯s going to be so awesome to see them with you.¡¯ I beamed down at her and she smiled. Sunny and Liz giggled at my side. Bella was adorable like the cute little sister I always wanted to share K-pop with. My brother was more into video games than anything else. Sunny and Liz were like sisters to me too, but we were the same age. We only walked for a minute or so until we stopped in front of the tallest and easily the most lavish building in DMC with its massive LED screens, gift shops, two story windows and a garden to die for. ¡®This is the Music Time studio,¡¯ said Miss J waving her hands again. ¡®And that,¡¯ she added pointing to a Korean woman with a lanyard and a ponytail. ¡®That would be the fan caf¨¦ manager.¡¯ ¡®How do you kn¡­?¡¯ I started but I felt it was time I stopped questioning how she always seem to know things. She approached the woman and started talking in fast Korean I couldn¡¯t catch while pointing to us. In front of the woman was a long queue of GXY fans talking animatedly, some in Korean, other in Japanese and English. GXY was a global group thanks to multinational members; Brendan from the UK like us, Shou from Japan, JT was half Korean, half Chinese and Tony K was from Los Angeles. GXY had a way of bringing people together and I thought it was beautiful. None of us spoke the same language or even looked alike but we all loved GXY. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡®All sorted,¡¯ said Miss J when she returned to us. ¡®You¡¯re numbers are 2, 4, and 9 on the list which means you will all be in the front row. ¡®Assa!¡¯ said Sunny in Korean. Front row to see GXY. I couldn¡¯t quite wrap my head around it. I¡¯d been writing to Brendan Choi for the past two years, telling him my hopes and dreams and how much I love his music. When I saw them at the Korean Cultural Concert in London the year before, I had terrible seats. I still had a good time, but I was little more than a dot far from the stage. This time I would be mere metres from him. I knew he wouldn¡¯t recognise me by my face. I never sent him photos in my physical letters and the fan caf¨¦ doesn¡¯t allow fans to send personal pictures of themselves to the members. I sent only words of encouragement on the fan caf¨¦ message board cause it was public. Anyone in the caf¨¦ could read it. I hoped I could handle the prerecording because later this week was the fan sign when I would be face to face with him. Getting into the prerecording for music shows was a bit complicated. It involved joining the artist¡¯s fan site or caf¨¦ as they call them in Korea, post on the main thread with your name, and phone number and then the fan caf¨¦ manager will put you on the list. The list is posted once the sign-up time ends and then you line up according to your number on the list. They check your name and ID to make sure you are who you say you are and then you wait to be let in the studio. I looked forward to prerecording¡¯s¡¯ here so much because they are so special and only last the week the song is released. The idols will pre-record their title song with only their fans in the audience so we can scream and do fanchants as loud as possible. It¡¯s a really special time that¡¯s cherished by the idols because its only their fans and they can really connect to them or at least that¡¯s what Bren says he likes about them. Main recordings however were hard to get into because the studios could only hold so many fans. The bigger the idol, the more amount of fans they were allotted. So, the higher up your name is on the fan caf¨¦ list, the higher your chances are of getting in. I heard of one idol group only got to have 10 fans enter the main recording. Fortunately for us, Miss J had us covered though saying she squared it with the Music Time PD. Again, I already stopped questioning her power. It took about half an hour for everyone to have their names and ID¡¯s checked owning to the fact that more fans than the manager was used to signed up. The queue for GXY was almost the longest among the other fan queues also waiting to go in with 56 of us. However, to the far right nearest to the garden was what I distinctly recognised as The Xtremes fans all holding their black and white light sticks. Their queue had easily more than 100 fans. Even though this was the last week of their promotions, some bigger groups pre-record their main stage when their schedules were too full to attend the main recording live. ¡®Ugh, ignore them,¡¯ said Liz turning me so I couldn¡¯t see them. The Sixes kept spreading that chart manipulation article on Twitter so much that we had to counter them by posting a lot of positive things so that the negative article would not be the first thing anyone saw when they typed in GXY in the search. No thanks to the Sixes, Moonlight Eyes reached 10 million views in less than 24 hours so far and eventually that took over most of the search results. ¡®Wow, our fan chants are going to be so loud today,¡¯ said Liz looking down at the GXY slogan in her hand that had the name of the group in the front and lyrics to Moonlight Eyes on the back with the fan chant highlighted in red. She was trying to memorize them when Sunny suddenly squealed. ¡®Oi, steady on Sun.¡¯ ¡®Its Tony K, he¡¯s live on Instagram.¡¯ All at once fans around us started getting notifications and exclaiming rather like Sunny did, each of them glued to smartphone screens as a young man with red hair appeared with a bowl in one hand and chopsticks in the other. ¡®Hi my Dear Astras!¡¯ ¡®Hi Tony!¡¯ we said though we knew he couldn¡¯t hear us. ¡®Just wanted to come on for a few minutes to thank you all for the lunch you provided us and the staff today, it¡¯s delicious.¡¯ He took a large portion of what I recognised as pork cutlet and rammed it into his mouth with a grin. It was traditional for Korean fans to collect donations from people on the caf¨¦ to order food for the group during their recordings. With their busy schedules, it was difficult for them to get a decent meal and groups always dieted before the start of each promotion. This way the band could get a healthy meal and get energised for the long day of performing, fan signs, and radio show appearances. ¡®I love pork cutlets, thank you so much,¡¯ said Tony through a mouthful. Then a boy with puppy dog curls appeared on Tony¡¯s right. ¡®Minho!¡¯ said Sunny and she took screenshots. ¡®He said Tony took the biggest piece.¡¯ Sunny translated for us laughing. ¡®We have to go,¡¯ said Tony after only 6 minutes or so of being on live. ¡®See you soon, love you.¡¯ ¡®Love you too!¡¯ we said and the live ended. ¡®Oh yeah,¡¯ I said looking around at all the fans staring at their phones and exclaiming their glee at seeing Tony and Minho. ¡®We may not be 100 strong but we will be the loudest cadets this studio has ever heard.¡¯ Her Eyes

Chapter 8

Her Eyes I paced back and forth in the waiting room in full makeup and costume sweating slightly after the warmup and holding a portable fan in front of my face until I heard the words I wanted to hear. ¡®GXY is up.¡¯ Upon hearing those words, the seven of us gathered around in a circle with our hands outstretched and a chill ran up my spine. What if this is the last time, we will do this? I couldn¡¯t help but wonder. I had to fight hard to put that thought way to the back of my mind. ¡®Let¡¯s have fun guys, on three,¡¯ I said confidently hiding my earlier feelings of doubt for the sake of my team. ¡®1, 2, 3. GXY, Live for the thrill.¡¯ We chanted. Feeling pumped, we walked out on to stage and immediately I heard the sounds of our fans and then something crazy happened, all my anxiety about the show melted away. We stood facing them while they waved, screamed, and called out our names. Right then I thought they are who I¡¯m doing this for, not the CEO or OWE execs, for our Dear Astras. Some of them even travelled from far away to see us or had to wake up real early in the morning to be here. I knew it because I read their letters both from the fan caf¨¦ and the physical ones sent to us. Some I kept in a box so I could reread them when I was feeling down after not performing for so long. They kept on encouraging us through the long hiatus. I had to repay their support. ¡®Live for the thrill,¡¯ we chanted as one, ¡®Hello, we are GXY!¡¯ Saying our team greeting for the first time in months, I felt so much excitement. This was where I belonged, on the stage. ¡®Thank you all so much for being here.¡¯ I gazed out into the audience and after the momentary blindness from the lights wore off, I gasped. This was the largest audience we ever had for a pre-recording. I felt something inside me that was ready to explode with happiness. Our presence on the chart wasn¡¯t a fluke. We are actually starting to get more popular in Korea and this was the proof. ¡®Please enjoy Moonlight Eyes, said Tony patting me on the shoulder. The PD called to us, and we got in our places for the start of rehearsals before the actual recording. The dry rehearsal was silent as the audience had to be quiet. They watched us perform the song in full twice and encouraged us as we monitored how we did on the play back screens. But when it was time for the real thing, our Dear Astras were so loud. Their screams, calls and fanchants were thunderous to me and I knew then that all my earlier anxiety was unwarranted. Moonlight Eyes started up again and I lost myself in the music, enjoying the sound of the fanchants even through my inner earpiece. While Seungyoun was singing his part my eye was caught by a girl standing front row and off centre. She had the most beautiful hair, golden and curly, parted not so in the middle and as long as a lion¡¯s mane and just as majestic. But what really drew me to her wasn¡¯t just her striking appearance. It was her eyes. Her eyes glowed as she looked upon us, chanting along with the others and looking like she was having the time of her life. I knew most of the local Dear Astras after seeing them at numerous fan events but this girl I¡¯d never seen before. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. I watched her even as I returned to the middle to deliver my pre chorus line. ¡®When the moonlight hits your eyes, I am hypnotized. Its all I can do not to leap right into your arms.¡¯ Then her eyes met mine and for a moment she stopped doing anything, just stared up at me blinking slowly or did time slow in my head? Then it sped up again and she was chanting and screaming along with everyone else. The song came to a close and I posed as the ending fairy camera zoomed in on me. I panted, my breath laboured as I held the pose for as long as I was told to then the PD finally called cut and I bowed and waved to the crowd, trying to look at everyone now. The girl from before looked up at me once more waving to me and the others in turn until we were off the stage. Our staff immediately rushed to our side with towels, bottled water, and portable fans to dry us off and cool us down while we watched the play back. I monitored myself carefully making sure my earlier distraction hadn¡¯t caused any slip ups on stage. But to my amazement and relief, I hadn¡¯t a missed beat. ¡®Hyung you were on fire today,¡¯ JT commented after taking a gulp of water. ¡®Yes, I didn¡¯t make any mistakes.¡¯ said Tony punching the air. ¡®Your voice sounded a bit high during your part though,¡¯ said Seungyoun ¡®Did not.¡¯ ¡®Guys stop it,¡¯ I said stepping between them. We are a family but even brothers argue and throw the odd punch sometimes. ¡®Tony you were fine. It¡¯s the PD¡¯s decision whether we have to redo it or not.¡¯ So we waited with bated breaths as the PD monitored our performance too. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted to do it again, one to give the Dear Astras another performance and two because I just loved being on stage again. But the others were sleep deprived and we did have another schedule before the live showing later that day. Then the PD gave us the all clear and we hurried back on stage to say goodbye to the fans for now. We could see the disappointment on their faces when we weren¡¯t called to do it again. In the past we sometimes had to do it a 2nd or 3rd time. It was thanks to our trainers and our determination that we did not have to do the song again. I still wanted to do something special for our Dear Astras just in case our prerecording did end up short. ¡®Thank you all so much for being here so early,¡¯ I said to them. ¡®Yeah we are so grateful,¡¯ said Shou clapping and the rest of us joined in. ¡®We have a surprise for you,¡¯ said Minho practically dancing with glee at what we were about to tell them. ¡®As a thank you for being here, right before the main show recording, you will be treated to ice cream at Tops Flavours downstairs and you all get a penlight to use at the main recording,¡¯ said Seungyoun ¡®Yep, so we know where to find you in the audience,¡¯ I added with a wink. Our Dear Astras jumped up and down and screamed with delight. The girl with the majestic hair and dazzling eyes hugged her friend. We promoted for two years with no official light stick. Light sticks were only designed for successful groups cause they were costly to make, and the company wouldn¡¯t invest in them unless they knew they would all be bought. Pen lights were a cheaper alternative. Sure, they weren¡¯t as big or flashy as Light Sticks, like the ones The Xtremes fans used that resembled a bomb hovering over a stick of dynamite. But they did have our team¡¯s name on it and our colours. In truth, our manager already had a Light Stick design made for us a year ago, but the CEO held off on having any made and when our previous release did not chart high, the design was scrapped. ¡®We want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the support you¡¯ve given us,¡¯ said JT. ¡®We love you so much.¡¯ ¡®We love you too!¡¯ said one Dear Astra and many other echoed her. I was grateful for Manager Cho signalling for us to go because I did not know how much longer I could keep in what I was feeling. I felt both proud and guilty in equal parts. Proud because my team was finally making things happen but guilt because I alone know what could happen if this does fail. Tony was right, the others must know eventually. Give it til next week, I told myself. Next week, we would know if our sales and digitals were high enough to give us the one thing that was sure to make this comeback successful, our First Win. The Planets and Stars Aligned For This

Chapter 9

The Planets and Stars Aligned For This Confessions of a K-Pop Stan Blog Post Pre-Recordings are Special My first time seeing GXY perform was everything I wanted it to be and more. Honestly, I couldn''t believe I was standing right below Brendan Choi watching him dance, sing, rap, and speak right before me. I couldn''t have dreamed of a better performance. The boys were amazing. King fan chance farm all the other Dear Astras around me as I sent them to it was an entirely new experience for me. The first time I saw GXY in concert it was a big event with a lot of other bands and performers. So, when it came time for them to perform there were lots of Dear Astras in the audience but we were pretty scattered so our fan chants weren¡¯t strong enough to resonate around me like this. Being at a prerecording was every bit as magical as Brendan explained it to me once during a YouTube video where he talked about how much he enjoyed doing pre recordings. Even though my experience is just from an audience standpoint I knew that I was a part of something really special that only fans could really appreciate. The connection that we made with the group the connection that we made to each other as we chanted, it was truly magical. It''s an experience that I wish more people could get to experience as well. Because I know that this feeling can''t just be mine but it should be shared with all the other Dear Astras around the world. The prerecording was just a taste of what I experienced in the main show but before that, we left the venue in high spirits, chatting about the performance and we hung out around DMC, shopping, trying out make up, eating and taking pictures with Miss J telling us all about the area and all the other music shows that are done in DMC, there are two other music shows we will go to in this area later this week and next week. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. The main show started at 5:00 so the regular attendees must line up outside again and be let in one by one by the groups performing on the show that day. On any given day about 10-12 artist perform on this show. But since we were special attendees, we were let in first and got to be in the front row. Standing there again with the members of GXY looking at me was amazing. They performed their ballad and I watched enraptured by the voices of the boys I love so much. I was used to GXY performing around the middle of the show. Lesser-known groups and newly debuted groups always performed first but this time, GXY performed in the ladder half of the show. During the title song Moonlight Eyes, the pre-recorded performance played but the boys still came up on stage during the song to prepare for the live performance. They waved and smiled at us, and Bren looked right at me and I felt a jolt of electricity flow through me when our eyes met. I knew then that I would never enjoy watching music shows from home the same way again. It¡¯s nothing like watching it on tv or my computer. I really felt the vibrations of their voices all around me as they sang. There was also a sense of connection I felt with the members as we did our fanchants and waved our light sticks to the beat. There were little things like the boys smiling at each other when they weren¡¯t singing or the members waving to us in between takes or during their interview. There¡¯s no comparison, this is better. To no one¡¯s surprise The Xtremes won the trophy for song of the week against the popular girl group Spyder. It was their 7th win overall and their 2nd consecutive win on Music Time. I clapped for them but during the announcement my eyes were on GXY who stood behind The Xtremes, congratulating them. As I watched the Sixes celebrate the win, I wished that one day I could celebrate GXY¡¯s first win here next week. Getting them that first win is partly our job as Dear Astras. We have to stream the song on music platforms and YouTube, increase their sales and vote like crazy on the websites and apps. The job of a K-Pop stan is to be their for their artist, support them when they promote and lift them up to the world. It¡¯s a job I take seriously and do willingly because GXY has given me nothing but joy these past few years and I would do anything to help them succeed. See you soon K-pop Stans. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Angel G Out I posted my blog as soon as we got back to the hotel but before I switched off my computer, I phoned my mum and dad and we talked for about an hour really enjoying just hearing their voices. It was then that it hit me how much I missed them. I missed my dad and I debating over which planets were visible from our home. I missed staying up and using the telescope out back to stare at the stars or watch the planets pass by. I stared at the screen without blinking after hanging up the phone. No tears came but there was a tightness in my throat I had no idea how to clear. But then I glanced out of the window and an idea came to me. The only thing that worked. As usual Sunny and Liz hung out in my sitting room. I dashed by them and grabbed my running shoes, bag and fastened on my heart monitor. ¡®I¡¯m going for a run, I announced to the girls and they both looked each other before ogling me aghast. ¡®But its dark out,¡¯ said Sunny her whipping around to gaze out the window. ¡®Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll stay near the hotel.¡¯ I said, doing some stretches at the foyer with my shoes on. ¡®The building is so massive I can¡¯t possibly get lost cause I can see it far from away. Hell its so massive I could see it from our airplane windows.¡¯ ¡®Yeah, but why not just run downstairs on the treadmill in the gym,¡¯ Liz suggested. ¡®Its lovely down there, they even have a swimming pool.¡¯ Cause I can¡¯t see the stars is what I thought but ended up saying ¡®It¡¯s not the same.¡¯ I was out the door before they could object any further. Running on a treadmill wouldn¡¯t give me the same rush as running outside does. The location might be different but its still the same sky above me as back home in Cardiff. As I ran through the dark streets of Gangnam with the massive hotel on one side of me and the Han river on the other, I felt no fear, just adrenaline flowing through me and the wind passing through my curls. Every now and then I¡¯d pass another jogger, some with ear buds, other with heart monitors like me and it felt so good. These were my people. I don¡¯t know how long I ran for to be honest, but the Troy Hotel was still in view behind the smaller buildings. I stopped to take a swig of water and looked around. And to my astonishment on my right was the Seoul Science Museum and Observatory, the same observatory where my father¡¯s work was on display. It was massive with the dome of the observatory on the far left. I could see the line in the opening where the telescope would be, and I knew I couldn¡¯t waste this opportunity. Thanks in large part I think to me memorizing the directions, I¡¯d run over a kilometre and a half right to it without consciously meaning to. Without looking at the time, I dried off with a towel from my bag, redid my ponytail and went right through the glass double doors. A busy receptionist greeted me cordially in Korean then paused when she actually registered me. ¡®Good evening,¡¯ I said in Korean. ¡®Are you still open?¡¯ ¡®Only for another 30 minutes, you should comeback tomorrow,¡¯ said the woman frowning slightly and taking in my running kit. I was avoiding her gaze in embarrassment when my eye was caught by a life size cut out of my own father right by the lift doors. I smiled up at it, seeing his small dimple in the corner of his mouth. It¡¯s the same dimple in the corner of my mouth and a lump formed in my throat. ¡®Ah you¡¯re here to see Dr. Blackwood¡¯s exhibit,¡¯ said the receptionist brightly in perfect English, leaning over the high desk to see what I was looking at. ¡®Yes, he¡¯s my father,¡¯ I said pride swelling up inside me, my eyes still on the cut out. ¡®Oh my gosh, please stay as long as you like, Dr. Blackwood¡¯s exhibit is on the 2nd floor,¡¯ she said kindly. ¡®Your father phone ahead to say you might visit.¡¯ Oh dad Too overwhelmed to say anything else, I just nodded and took the elevator to the next floor up. Up there was wall to wall illustrations and mock ups of my father¡¯s work and next to his model of the Universe was a biography of him complete with a picture of my family. My mum and dad next to each other with their hands on me and my brother¡¯s shoulders taken some 3 years ago. ¡®Did you have to use this photo?¡¯ I said out loud cringing at my own bunches but then I heard a sound behind me and immediately clutched at my bag ready to use it as a weapon. No one had come through the elevator and the place looked empty when I came in. But I distinctly felt the presence of another. It didn¡¯t help that the room was filled with huge displays and tall glass cases that were easy to hide behind. Heart beating fast, my grip tightened on my bag and I crept slowly around the different display cases, inching closer to source of the noise I heard. Just as I was rounding the corner a dark figure ducked out in front of me and I jumped back and screamed ready to whack him with my bag. ¡®Hey, hey, calm down,¡¯ said the figure as he straightened up and put his hands out in front of him protectively. ¡®Sorry, I thought you were¡­sorry.¡¯ I said lowering my bag but then I froze when I felt a familiar tingle down my spine to the sound of this person¡¯s voice. I¡¯d been mere metres away from him only hours ago. He wasn¡¯t wearing a mask and a bucket hat then, but his voice was so distinct I knew I hadn¡¯t imagined it. I looked right up into the hazel eyed and wavy-haired Brendan Choi with my mouth open and his eyes narrowing in my direction. Accusations, Stalkers and Memories

Chapter 10

Accusations, Stalkers and Memories I don¡¯t know how long I just gaped at the girl in front of me holding her bag like she thought I was going to attack her. Then I took in her fiery eyes and her mane like hair. I didn¡¯t know how long it was when I first saw her earlier. Up close it was even more majestic, her curls reaching well past her back. But soon my curiosity turned into anger and confusion. ¡®What are you doing here! How¡¯d you get in?¡¯ I asked eyes scanning the room for any other fans that might be hiding behind display cases ready to take pictures of me or goodness knows what else. The girl before me just blinked several times before lowering her bag and gazing up at me. ¡®The receptionist let me in,¡¯ she said after a long moment, eyes spinning in her beautiful head, looking just as confused as I felt. ¡®Oh yeah, and what you do to make her do that, did you bribe her? Did you follow me here to take pictures and put them all over the internet?¡¯ I heard myself accusing her and the look on her face made me regret it immediately, she looked as hurt as if I¡¯d struck her. But I had to know, I had to be certain. ¡®You¡¯re barking¡­why would I do any of those things?¡¯ she said firmly but I could see her bottom lip trembling and she busied herself by strapping her bag around her body. She looked like she¡¯d come from the gym with running shoes, a heart monitor on her wrist and a water canister strapped to her bag. There was no camera on her not even a mobile phone. ¡®How¡¯d you get in then, its about to close?¡¯ I asked more calmly as I saw the mist forming in her eyes. Geez am I making her cry? ¡®She let me in because my father called ahead and told them I¡¯d be here to see his exhibit.¡¯ ¡®Your father?¡¯ She gestured to the photo on the opposite wall of a family of 5. Then my eyes snapped back to her immediately as the shock registered on my face. ¡®You¡¯re Doctor Blackwood''s daughter? You¡¯re his daughter Gelilina?¡¯ ''Wait, what? How do you know my name?¡¯ she asked. Now it was her turn to be suspicious of me. I could see her taking a step back. I took off my hat, and shook my hand through my damp wet with sweat hair. Feeling somewhat at ease, but also feeling like a complete shit for accusing her of being a stalker. Knowing who she is, the roles could have definitely been reversed. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ''I''ve been following your father''s work for years,¡¯ I said, replacing my hat.'' He said he named his daughter after his favourite astronomer.¡¯ '' Galileo.'' We said in unison, causing us both to laugh awkwardly. ''No one calls me it, not even him. I go by Gel.'' The name stirred something else in my memory. ''I didn''t even know you were interested in astronomy Brendan Choi.'' ''No one knows,'' I said my walls going back up. ¡®Look, Sorry for having a go at you earlier. It''s just¡­ Ah.'' I didn''t know what to say or how to feel. ''It''s okay, I guess,'' she said. Her voice broke, and I tried to approach her, but she turned from me.'' I''m sorry for disturbing you. I won''t tell anyone I saw you.'' Then, before I could say or do anything else, she raced past me to the stairwell and out of sight. ''Fuck, what have I done?'' *** I didn''t speak to Manager Cho the whole way back. I don''t remember getting into the van, driving back to the dorm, or even getting in the lift. I was just suddenly standing in front of our apartment door on the top floor, and punching our code into the keypad. The first to greet me was Minho, calling from the kitchen. He was diligently doing the dishes after the big dinner we had. I walked behind him and ruffled his hair. He playfully swatted my hand away, but I saw the big smile on his face. I sauntered over to my bedroom, I didn''t want anyone else to see me. I walked in with my head down, ignoring the star charts and the telescope in my room and just collapsing onto the bed. As I lay there, I was finally able to feel it. In a span of about 10 minutes, I scared the shit out of a Dear Astra, accused her of being a stalker, accused her of bribery, and to top it all off, when I found out who her father was, I tried to backtrack it. Failed miserably and made her cry and run away from me. All because I wanted to protect a secret. I stared up at the ceiling and her name came to my lips. ¡®Gel,'' I whispered. ¡®Gel?¡¯ The memory from earlier coming back to me. I knew that name and it had nothing to do with her father. I read that name many times over the past two years. Before I knew it, I was rummaging through my side table to a box of fan letters. There they were. My confidence boosters. The letters that kept me believing we''d get a comeback after the long hiatus. Hers were distinctive because she always used starry stationary. The signs were there I just hadn''t seen them. Flipping through the envelopes, I noticed how she never wrote her full name on the return address. It was either ¡®Gel Angel or Gel A.B.¡¯ How was I to know it was short for Gelilina Angel-Blackwood? The Cardiff address was a hint too I hadn¡¯t noticed. I wanted to punch something, namely myself. The person who had always been a source of comfort to me I¡¯d yelled at. A person whose fiery eyes lit up when she saw me on stage. Who caught my attention the moment I saw her. Who made my heart leap at the joy I produced in her. ''Would she ever look at me like that again? Would she give me a chance to apologise.'' I didn''t have a chance to really give it some thought before Tony''s voice was outside my door. ¡®Hyung Come quick. You gotta see this.¡¯ ''Gotta see what?'' He ratted on the locked door, but I didn''t let him in. ¡®Look at your phone, hyung we''re blowing up.'' ''Were what now?'' ''We got a roof hit!'' came JT''s voice joining Tony''s. ''Our song is number 3 on the chart!''