《ONCE》 1. When Eric met Sam When Eric met Sam Michael Pierce woke up early in the morning and went straight into the shower, his enthusiasm almost uncontainable. Today he was going to visit university campuses with his daughter Stephanie who had done excellently in high school and earned a full bursary from KPMG to study accounting. They had visited three colleges yesterday and the whole time Michael had done nothing but stand back and be impressed as his daughter chatted to students and student advisers about what to expect from university life. Stephanie was the second one to wake up, followed by her mother Jo-Ann, who draped on a gown and headed downstairs for her first cigarette. The last one to wake up, as always, was Eric. He awoke at seven a.m., leaving himself only thirty minutes to get ready for school. He achieved this by quickly freshening up in the bathroom and having a cup of coffee that was three quarters milk so he could drink it immediately in one sip. His style of doing things grated on his parents, who, every time they tried to talk to him about taking things more seriously, were met with some clever remark that aggravated them further. They were running out of patience with him and were fast approaching the point of giving up on him, and for Eric that day couldn''t come soon enough. He kept doing things his way, putting in the absolute minimum amount of effort, like the homework that he hurriedly stuffed into his bag, a book report that he had had two weeks to do that he had only done last night, about a book that he had made up by an author that he had made up. The journey to school in the morning was usually made in silence, but on this morning, with Michael being so excited, Eric and Jo-Ann had to sit in the backseat and listen as he asked Stephanie one question after another. "Have got everything you need for today?" "Are KPMG going to be e-mailing the bursary approval letter today?" "Do you have all the documents that you need in case you decide to register today?" They were all questions that he already knew the answers to, his only reason for asking them was to once again confirm for himself that his daughter was going to university, a fact which Eric knew and which made listening to his father''s questions all the more unbearable. ¡°Eric, Kate¡¯s going to be taking Jacqueline for her swimming lesson today, so she¡¯ll come and pick you up from school today,¡± Michael said to his son when they arrived at his school. Michael was so focused on his day with his daughter that the alternate arrangements he¡¯d made for Eric¡¯s transportation had slipped his mind, it was only now when it was time to leave him at school that he remembered. ¡°Okay,¡± Eric said, exiting the car without saying goodbye. With Eric having exited the car, Jo-Ann was left to endure her husband''s excitement all alone. The atmosphere in the car bothered Jo-Ann for different reasons than it did her son. It all started a week earlier, when the topic of Stephanie¡¯s future came up for discussion in the living room. Jo-Ann, who hadn¡¯t finished high school, was marginalized from the outset as what was meant to be a family discussion was quickly monopolized by Michael, the authority in the house on education having been a teacher for twenty-five years. Every time Jo-Ann attempted to make the slightest contribution Michael would quickly shoot her down and leave her feeling deeply insulted. The final straw came when, after hours of listening to her husband go on and on about chartered accountants and their handsome salaries, she decided it was about time a different viewpoint be introduced to the discussion. ¡°Stephanie, it¡¯s important that you not only think about the money, remember this is something you¡¯re going to be doing for the rest of your life, you need to make sure it''s something you¡¯re truly passionate about it.¡± Unable to believe the incredibly fatuous nature of this comment, Michael set aside any consideration he had for his wife¡¯s feelings and wasted no time pouncing on her. ¡°Jo-Ann, please, don¡¯t sit there and talk rubbish and put stupid ideas in Stephanie¡¯s head, the days when you could waste time pursuing your passions are long gone; these days you go for the money. I mean look at Jolene, she¡¯s only twenty seven and already she¡¯s a partner at KPMG and a multimillionaire; she bought a house cash, she bought a BMW cash, she travels all over the world, isn¡¯t that what you want for your child?¡± The condescension and authoritativeness in his voice was simply too much for Jo-Ann. She left the living room and went to sit alone outside on the porch where she attempted to assuage the humiliation and exclusion she was feeling with nicotine. That night the decision was made that Stephanie would study accounting. The next day Michael and Stephanie submitted to KPMG the bursary application documents, and now all that was left was for Stephanie to select an institution of higher learning. One week on and Jo-Ann was still smarting from the ''family discussion'' they¡¯d had, and her subsequent exclusion from all things university related had only made her feel worse. She sat alone in the backseat of the car feeling tense and upset, just waiting to be dropped off at work so she could get away from all of this university business. * * * It was while his mother was standing outside the VW dealership where she had worked for fifteen years holding a cigarette between her trembling fingers during her lunch break that Eric first saw Sam. He was standing on the road outside of the house where his cousin took her swimming lessons when she came walking along the road all by herself wearing the uniform of his sister school. She had the looks of someone who would be instantly dismissed as a nerd: she was short, wore glasses, had her hair tied in a small neat ponytail, had small ears that stuck out ever so slightly, and walked inelegantly with her thumbs jammed tightly under the straps of her backpack. Her eyes, however, were deep, luminous pools of blue that, when their eyes met, rendered Eric oblivious to every other thing. Eric had no experience with girls, as a child he had been too shy and lately, with him being so busy, a girlfriend was a distraction he could ill afford. There was something different about this girl though, enough for him not to be okay with leaving her to walk away from him forever. A large part of him was afraid to go to her, but those fears were allayed when she looked up from the ground to look at him and their eyes met for a second time and he saw that this was not someone of whom he needed to be afraid. With this courage in hand he went after her, having no earthly clue what he was going to say to her when he reached her. ¡°Hi,¡± he said to her nervously when he reached her. Standing next to her she was quite a bit shorter than he''d originally thought, which threw him slightly. ¡°Hi,¡± she responded, just as nervously. Just like Eric she was doing this for the first time and was experiencing intense anxiety. ¡°I¡¯m Eric¡±, he said, shakily proffering his hand. ¡°I¡¯m Sam,¡± she said, tentatively accepting it. ¡°Sam¡­is that short for Samantha?¡± He asked, desperate. ¡°No, it¡¯s just Sam.¡± ¡°Sam,¡± he said reflectively, regarding her. ¡°What?¡± Sam asked, feeling self-conscious and off-balance. ¡°Nothing, it¡¯s just that it suits you perfectly, it¡¯s cute.¡± ¡°Oh, thanks,¡± Sam said bashfully; she never received compliments about her looks, and the sincerity with which he''d uttered his made her incapable of stopping herself from becoming red-faced. With the introductions now dispensed with the conversation was taken a hold of by a lull from which neither Eric nor Sam had the conversational skills to extricate it. They ambled on in painfully palpable silence until Eric¡ªdeciding that since he was the one who¡¯d initiated this verbal exchange the responsibility for moving it forward belonged to him¡ªblurted out the only conversation advancer he could think of. ¡°So, Sam, do you have a boyfriend?¡± ¡°Really? Just like that?¡± Sam asked, taken aback by his forthrightness. ¡°Well, logically I figure if you answer ¡®yes¡¯ it means you either have a boyfriend or you don¡¯t and you¡¯re giving me the brush off, and if you answer ¡®no¡¯ then it means we can move on to figuring out the next step.¡± Eric¡¯s directness, while peculiar and jarring, was welcomed by Sam. She was also keen to move on to figuring out what came next and putting the awkwardness behind them. ¡°In that case no, I don¡¯t have a boyfriend.¡± Sam liked Eric. Like her he too had larger than usual ears; his tall, lanky build had an interesting listlessness about it, and she could see intelligence in his brown eyes. ¡°So¡­what does come next?¡± She asked cautiously after another, although shorter, awkward silence. ¡°You know I¡¯m really not sure; I think we¡¯re supposed to make plans to go on a date or something.¡± "Okay, erm, can I give you my phone number and you can call me later when you''ve thought of something?" If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. "Okay." Sam quickly retrieved from her blazer pocket a scrap of paper and a pen and wrote down her phone number for him. ¡°So when do you think you¡¯ll call?¡± She asked as she handed him the scrap of paper. ¡°Sometime tonight,¡± Eric said as he accepted it. ¡°Call after nine-thirty, my mom¡¯s usually asleep by then.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± then, noticing something strange, he asked, ¡°Is this your home number?¡± ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t have a cell phone,¡± Sam confessed. ¡°Me neither, I can¡¯t stand them,¡± Eric responded, happy to learn that Sam wasn¡¯t another teenager whose cell phone was their entire life. They snickered for a moment at their uncoolness knowing that the time for them to depart each other was now upon them, enjoying the level of comfort they¡¯d reached which two minutes ago had seemed unattainable; whereas then they were eager to expedite things now the moment of departure had come disappointingly soon. ¡°Guess this is goodbye then,¡± Eric said. ¡°Yeah, you''ll call tonight?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± With that Sam turned away smiling bashfully and continued her walk home with irrepressible excitement bubbling inside her. The wait for Eric¡¯s phone call was going to be interminable. How she was going to keep herself together until then she didn¡¯t know, and concealing her uncharacteristically high spirits from her mother was another problem she was going to have to deal with, but for now all Sam wanted to do was drink in the once implausible reality of a boy taking an interest in her. * * * Later that night, with Michael and Stephanie having completed their three day, six university tour, it was time for one final family meeting to decide which one Stephanie would be pursuing her accounting studies at. Michael surged into the living carrying an armful of binders and with three swift movements cleared everything off the coffee table and put off the TV after grabbing the television remote out of his wife¡¯s hand. Wanting to catch the rest of the episode of The Bold and the Beautiful she¡¯d been watching up until her husband¡¯s rude entrance, Jo-Ann quickly left her seat and made for her room, not prepared to sit through another stomach-churning discussion about Stephanie¡¯s university studies. ¡°Don¡¯t you care about your daughter¡¯s future?¡± Michael asked her as she was on her way out in his trademark tone of condescension and judgment. Jo-Ann did in fact care a great deal about her daughter¡¯s future. She worried that her daughter¡¯s single-mindedness regarding her studies was not drive and determination but rather the result of Michael''s obsession with chartered accounting which was the product of his niece Jolene''s success. The subject that seemed to interest Stephanie most was English, her marks there were well above all her other marks including Math and Accounting. Feeling that her daughter was denying herself the chance to study what she really wanted to study for the sake of satisfying her father''s obsession, Jo-Ann had tried several times to talk to her daughter in the hopes of eliciting from her a response that was different from the one her father had spent years drilling into her head, suggesting to her the possibility of a career in journalism or even writing. Every time she did their conversation would inevitably end with Stephanie doggedly averring ¡°I want to be a chartered accountant¡±. Getting nowhere with the girl, Jo-Ann soon gave up. She excluded herself from the entire university process and left her husband to control their daughter, not a new dynamic in their relationship but on this occasion, with so much at stake, she felt she had to try and get through to Stephanie. While her father was in the living room neatly laying out the university prospectus binders on the coffee table, Stephanie was in the kitchen making him the cup of coffee he¡¯d asked her to make for him, using the time to go over one last time the argument she¡¯d devised for bringing her father around to her choice of university. The day before they¡¯d visited Westville University and since seeing it Michael had been unable to stop raving about its extensive facilities. Stephanie¡¯s first choice was Glendale College, the school her best friend Laurelle was going to be attending, thus she needed to extinguish her father¡¯s idea of her attending Westville. Heretofore she¡¯d been happy to allow her father to get carried away with his zeal, but now the time had come for her to take control. She carried his coffee into the living room feeling she was well equipped to do so and sat down next to him wearing the same ¡®let¡¯s get down to business¡¯ countenance as him, ready to let the air out of him the second he started making the case for Westville University. It took a couple of hours, but by extolling the impressiveness of the head of the accounting department at Glendale University, Prof. Palmer, and making her case for why she believed having the best human resources available to her would be more beneficial to her than material resources like huge computer labs, she was able to disabuse her father of the idea of her going to Westville. ¡°So Glendale then?¡± He asked in supportive capitulation. ¡°Yup, Glendale.¡± Stephanie responded sweetly, congratulating herself on the inside. ¡°Okay, so when are we going to go and get you enrolled?¡± ¡°Actually I already phoned Laurelle and told her I¡¯d go with her.¡± ¡°But we¡¯ve done everything together so far,¡± Michael ejaculated, feeling like his daughter had just driven a rapier through him. ¡°I know, but that was all the important stuff, enrollment is simply a matter of filling out a few forms.¡± ¡°Oh, okay,¡± Morris said in retreat, realizing how pathetic he must have sounded with his last remark. ¡°So when are you going to go?¡± ¡°We¡¯ll go the day after tomorrow; after these last two days I want to take tomorrow off to have a rest.¡± ¡°Okay then, Glendale it is,¡± Michael said magisterially, bringing an end to the proceedings for the night. Having achieved the exact outcome she was hoping for Stephanie quickly left the living room and ran upstairs to her room so she could call Laurelle and give her friend the good news. Michael vacated the living room soon after, grabbing the Glendale file off the coffee table and taking it outside with him to give the prospectus a thorough read-through, freeing Jo-Ann to resume watching her TV show; there were still ten minutes left until it ended and she was eager to catch them. When The Bold and the Beautiful ended Jo-Ann sat and tried to understand why Michael had admonished her for trying to leave. What took place tonight was nothing more than a shorter version of what had taken place a week ago: Michael and Stephanie talked about Stephanie''s university studies while she sat completely invisible to the two of them. The only reason she could think of for him to insist on her being there was so that she could bear witness to how close he and his daughter were and feel how excluded and unnecessary she was. Tonight¡¯s experience wasn¡¯t the total waste last week¡¯s was though; Jo-Ann was happy to see Stephanie not being so submissive and she enjoyed watching Michael being brought down a peg by her. Jo-Ann was proud of her daughter, and hoped that in the future Michael would find himself the victim of further exclusion. * * * Eric had been a recluse from when he was a very small child, having recognized early on the place he occupied in his family relative to that of his sister. Growing up his solitude and the invisibility it afforded him had suited him just fine, but at 9 o''clock that night, with thirty minutes to go until it was time for him to phone Sam, his undeveloped people skills were haunting him just like they had been earlier when he''d been talking to Sam on the street. Assailed by self-doubt, he thought more about not calling Sam the more time went by, while at the same time Sam was sitting alone in the lounge with the phone next to her, anxiously waiting for it to ring. In the hours since they¡¯d met Sam had been unable to do her homework, practice the piano or read, and the dinner that she prepared for she and her mother was below her usual standard. Unable to shed her anxiety through force of will, Sam soaked herself in a hot bath, discovering when she emerged from the bathroom and sat down in the lounge with her copy of Terms of Endearment¡ªwhich she was busy reading for the third time¡ªthat her anxiety had not dissipated one bit in the scalding water. Still, she sat and waited for his phone call with irrepressible anticipation. Sam was lonely, she had never been successful at making friends and the sudden, unexpected prospect of a boyfriend was more than her nerves could take. When the appointed hour of nine-thirty arrived, Sam braced herself for her second conversation with Eric. Her impatience for the arrival of his phone call and her fear of how this conversation was going to go caused her anxiety to become overwhelming, and time became her tormentor. Each second passed with the audible cold thud of steel, the minute hand on the clock appearing menacingly motionless. She waited in increasing agony as nine-thirty became nine-thirty five, nine-thirty five became nine-forty. She imagined Eric sitting and reflecting on their afternoon exchange as he contemplated whether to call her and deciding ultimately that she was too mousy and weird looking to be girlfriend material and was not going to be calling. Nine-forty became nine-forty five, and she became increasingly convinced that her suspicion was correct. At nine-fifty it became the inescapable truth, and she gave up hope of him calling her. She didn''t know how she was ever going to forgive herself for having allowed her expectations to soar to such heights. She felt crushed and humiliated, was on the precipice of a deluge of tears and wanted nothing more than to forget this awful episode. Then, as she was reaching for the lamp switch to put it off before she left for her room, the phone rang, sending her hopes rising up to the same heights she had just admonished herself for allowing them to rise to. ¡°Hello,¡± she picked up on the first ring and said eagerly, unable to contain the happiness and relief that his phone call had produced. ¡°Yeah, hi. It¡¯s me, Eric,¡± he answered, nervousness and uncertainty evident in his voice. ¡°Yeah, hi.¡± An already familiar silence materialized between them. Grabbing hold of the phone and dialing Sam''s number had drained Eric of his energy reserves, while on the other end of the line Sam, with her surfeit of energy, was concerned about saying too much too quickly and sounding crazy. Having no confidence in their present capacity for conversation they each took a brief time-out, he to replenish his reserves and she to release some of hers. ¡°Sorry I¡¯m calling so late,¡± Eric apologized, feeling terrible about the lateness of his phone call. ¡°Its fine, I was actually busy with something else and wasn¡¯t even aware of the time,¡± Sam lied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. ¡°So¡­our date,¡± Eric said, his words utterly devoid of conviction. ¡°Yeah, our date. Have you decided on anything yet?¡± Sam asked tentatively, having perceived Eric¡¯s shakiness through the phone. He hadn¡¯t, and with time having run out Eric had no options available to him but to make the risky confession to Sam of his revulsion of people. ¡°Sam, can I be honest with you?¡± ¡°Erm, yeah, sure,¡± she answered, worried by the seriousness with which he¡¯d asked his question. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go on a date.¡± Hearing his words, Sam was crushed for the second time in a matter of a few seconds. ¡°So, what, you don''t want to see me?¡± She asked, confused and upset. ¡°No, no, it¡¯s not that, it¡¯s just¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s just what?¡± Sam asked impatiently, unable to endure being in this cruel state of limbo. ¡°I don''t like people, in fact I hate them, and I don''t want to go to a place where we''re going to be around a lot of them which is why I haven''t been able to come up with an idea for what we could do for a date.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± Sam said, breathing a huge sigh of relief, ¡°so, what are we going to do then?¡± she asked with renewed optimism. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I do want to see you, I just can¡¯t think of a setting that doesn¡¯t leave me feeling nauseous.¡± ¡°Well, my mother works a full day on Saturday. I¡¯ll be at home alone, you could come to my house, then it¡¯ll just be the two of us,¡± Sam offered cautiously. ¡°That sounds fine, so I¡¯ll come to your house then.¡± ¡°Great, just walk to the church that''s down the road from where we met and take a right, it¡¯s the yellow house with the roses in front of the boundary wall.¡± ¡°Okay, so I¡¯ll see you on Saturday.¡± ¡°Yeah, see you on Saturday.¡± ¡°Bye.¡± ¡°Bye.¡± The four days that they were going to have to wait before they saw each other again was already feeling like forever. During those four days they were going to endure fear, doubt and anxiety, all of which was going to make them question whether they had what it took to go through with this, a question they would only know the answer to when Saturday arrived. 2. Stephanie Stephanie Getting her parents to buy her a car had been easy for Stephanie. Having done well enough in high school to qualify for studying toward a degree in accounting she knew that if she put the idea in her father''s head it would only be a matter of time before he took a liking to the idea and steamrolled her mother into going along with it. As Stephanie predicted, Jo-Ann had no enthusiasm for the idea of buying her a car. Stephanie''s bursary from KPMG was only covering half of her fees and if she failed they would have to pay the bursary back in full with interest, purchasing another car was a financial obligation they couldn''t afford to assume. Jo-Ann put up the strongest resistance she could, pointing out to her husband how tight their finances were and the fact that Stephanie could easily get to and from university using the bus. But Michael wouldn''t be swayed, he argued that Stephanie deserved a reward for all of her hard work and if they bought her something cheap then it wouldn''t be the financial burden that Jo-Ann was saying it would be. As Stephanie predicted, Jo-Ann couldn''t handle the pressure of standing against Michael and Stephanie and inevitably she caved. It had always been only a matter of time before she''d gotten what she wanted, so when her parents came home with an old VW Golf that had come in as a trade-in at the dealership Stephanie had to do her best to act completely surprised. ¡°Is this¡­for me?¡± She asked tentatively when she went to meet her parents outside. ¡°Yes, that¡¯s your car,¡± replied Michael. Seeing the car before her, Stephanie became overwhelmed by genuine emotion and started shedding real tears, which brought Michael, who loved nothing more than seeing his daughter happy, to tears as well. ¡°Do you want to take it for a drive?¡± Michael asked his daughter. ¡°YES! YES! YES! GIMME THE KEYS! GIMME THE KEYS!¡± Michael tossed her the keys and the two of them jumped in the car and set off. Left behind, Jo-Ann went into the house to change out of her work clothes and have a cigarette while she waited for The Bold and the Beautiful to start. Stephanie''s plan for the day when she went to take care of her enrollment was to drive to Marianridge to pick up Laurelle and their boyfriends Angel and Ricky, then go straight to Glendale to get their enrollment out of the way so they could have the rest of the day all to themselves. Stephanie and Laurelle had been best friends since they were four years old and had forged a bond that had not weakened in all the years since, not even after Michael insisted the family move from Marianridge to The Bluff for the sake of their children (Stephanie). They were friends but they weren''t equals; Stephanie was the dominant one in the relationship, she was the smarter of the two by some margin and had more than established her dominance by being the one who got them out of trouble whenever they got into a scrape with their parents, the primary example of which being the time when Laurelle consumed a spiked drink in a nightclub and had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance, where parents were contacted and anger overflowed. It took Stephanie weeks to get them out of that one, ultimately she was able to do so by locking herself up in her room and refusing to eat or go to school, which caused Michael''s concern for his daughter''s wellbeing to outweigh his anger over her duplicity. After picking up Laurelle at her house, they spent the short drive to where their boyfriends were waiting for them discussing the news that Laurelle had for Stephanie, which was that Ricky and Angel had gone to their favorite nightclub Zoom the previous night without them, and that at the club one of their friends, Raydin, had walked in and seen his girlfriend Claudine kissing their other friend Bradley, the end result of which was a brawl outside in the alley where Raydin split Bradley''s head wide open with a knuckle duster. Hearing what they''d missed, Stephanie became furious, so furious that when they arrived at the public housing flat where Ricky lived with his mother her enthusiasm for seeing her boyfriend was a fraction of what it had been just moments earlier. Laurelle''s boyfriend Ricky emerged from the flat first and as always he was impeccably groomed and well dressed in jeans and a tight T-shirt that accentuated his gym-built body. Angel was the polar opposite. He was wearing a cap to hide the fact that he hadn¡¯t bothered to brush his hair, a pair of tattered tracksuit pants, slippers, and no shirt, proudly displaying the angel tattoo that covered his torso with its wings spread out across his chest. Seeing him looking so shabby, Stephanie''s anger escalated to volcanic fury. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. ¡°Hey babe,¡± Angel said as he got into the passenger¡¯s seat. He made himself comfortable and went in for a kiss from his girlfriend having failed to notice her displeasure. ¡°Hey,¡± Stephanie said coldly, reluctantly giving him her cheek. His breath smelled of old beer and from the moment he entered the car it was apparent that he hadn¡¯t showered. Stephanie was disgusted by the state of her boyfriend, the only reason she resisted the impulse to cringe was her remaining wish to spend the day with him. Only after pulling away from Stephanie having kissed her on the cheek did Angel notice her countenance of stone. He¡¯d seen it many times before and knew that it meant he was in deep trouble. ¡°What¡¯s the matter babe?¡± he asked, failing miserably at sounding concerned. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell us you were going to Zoom last night?!¡± She turned to him and asked with feigned anger. The truth was that since he¡¯d entered the car her fury had been rapidly dissipating, she was just picking a fight with him now to have some fun. ¡°Babe I didn¡¯t even know we were going to Zoom, we were just driving around and Ralph drove to Zoom without telling us and said let¡¯s go party; if I¡¯d known in advance you know I would have called you,¡± Angel said with limp contrition. ¡°I just wish you¡¯d tell me these things,¡± Stephanie said conciliatorily. ¡°I¡¯m sorry babe; you know the last thing I want is for you to be mad with me; are you mad with me babe? Don¡¯t be mad at me, please, come here, come here,¡± he said with the same poor affectation of contrition as before, putting his hand behind her neck and pulling her in for a kiss. In the spirit of d¨¦tente Stephanie ignored her boyfriend¡¯s malodorous breath and body odor and passionately returned his embrace, bringing an end to their little contretemps. She¡¯d never been able to stay mad at him; he was so adorably simple-minded directing anger towards him felt like cruelty. They arrived at the university and went straight to the administration building to finalize their enrollment. They went to the registration office where they needed to wait in line before they could be seen to. When they got to the front of the line they produced their acceptance letters and other necessary documents and filled out the forms they needed to fill out to complete their enrollment. The whole thing took less than thirty minutes. ¡°What took you so long?!¡± Stephanie was asked by Angel, who didn''t see why enrolling in university needed to be such a time consuming task. ¡°We finished as quickly as we could babe, we had to wait for five others to finish first.¡± She grabbed hold of his face and gave him a big wet apologetic kiss that successfully mollified him, and with that it was time for them to leave Glendale behind them. After stopping at a burger place to get something to eat they went to the beach, the same beach where Stephanie had met Angel at a party just over a year ago, where on the same night she had given him her virginity under a wooden pier. When they first arrived at the beach they sat in the car and passed around a joint and talked for a while, after which Stephanie and Angel left the car to go to their special spot under the pier, and once they were gone, Laurelle got to work undoing Ricky''s zipper so she could work on him with her mouth. Once they were under the pier, Stephanie faced the same battle she always faced of trying to get Angel to be more patient and delicate with her. Immediately he was grabbing excitedly at her breasts and cunt. Stephanie tried to subdue him, an effort that ended hopelessly in defeat; he was simply too strong and too excited. Knowing from experience that this was a battle she was doomed to lose she surrendered and left herself to be devoured. Two frantic minutes later it was all over. Angel was lying face down in the sand completely exhausted and feeling perfectly satiated, while next to him Stephanie was lying on her back thoroughly unsatisfied trying to recover from the feeling of having been violated and cheated. It was the one thing about her boyfriend Stephanie absolutely could not stand: his hopeless stamina. Not once in all the times they¡¯d had sex had it ever lasted more than five minutes; they¡¯d never once made love. Later that day, after filling her father in on all the details of her enrollment and repairing to her room, she decided that she couldn''t tolerate Angel''s sexual immaturity any longer, and began working on a plan to teach him how she wanted to be made love to. 3. The first Saturday The first Saturday On Saturday at nine in the morning, Eric got dressed in jeans and a black dress shirt and left the house without anybody noticing. Jo-Ann was sitting on the back porch drinking and Michael was in his room watching TV. He couldn''t stand his wife''s drinking and as she spent all weekend drinking he spent all weekend in his room. Eric made the walk to Sam''s house turning over the same thoughts in his mind that he''d been having all week about the many ways in which the day could end in disaster. At no point though did he give serious thought to turning around and going back home, because Sam was different, his reasons for keeping his distance from other people didn''t apply to her, she was the one person he''d met so far whom he felt he could safely give the benefit of the doubt to. He arrived at the house that matched the description that Sam gave him, and it was here that he was assailed by an intense attack of anxiety that he had been expecting for days but had heretofore failed to materialize. He stood at the gate that led into Sam''s property needing only to press the button on the intercom, a step that suddenly felt like too much, while the thought of retreating and returning to his hermitic existence grew increasingly appealing. ¡°Eric,¡± came Sam¡¯s voice unexpectedly through the intercom speaker. She had been sitting by the window and looking out onto the street waiting for his arrival and when she saw him standing by the gate looking like he was wavering she knew that she had to do something before he left. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s me.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll buzz you in.¡± Sam answered the door wearing a pair of pale blue jeans and a white t-shirt with her hair pulled back into the same ponytail he remembered from their first meeting. Looking at Sam, Eric felt overdressed and self-conscious. Looking at Eric, Sam felt underdressed and self-conscious. ¡°Hi,¡± Sam said, as normally as she could manage. ¡°Hi,¡± Eric responded tentatively. A brief silence of uncertainty materialized between them then. It lasted until Sam recovered her composure and invited Eric to enter. Sheepishly he stepped across the threshold and walked past her into the house. Sam closed the door behind him and there they were, facing the improbable together. ¡°Nice house,¡± Eric said shakily upon entering. Everything about Sam''s house, on the inside and the outside, was nicer than his. ¡°Thanks. Say, do you want something to drink or something?¡± Uncertain as to acceptable social protocol, Eric weighed the question with more consideration than was necessary. ¡°Yeah, sure.¡± ¡°Juice?¡± She asked nervously, seeking specificity. ¡°Yeah, juice is fine.¡± Sam left Eric in the living room and went into the kitchen, not only to pour his juice but also to compose herself. Eric had been there less than five minutes and already she was feeling overwhelmed by tension. Meanwhile in the living room a similar situation was playing out. Eric was looking around at all of the furniture and decor touches and felt his anxiety rising at the thought of the existence of a quality divide between them. His thoughts were interrupted by Sam entering the living room carrying a glass of juice for him. She handed the glass to him, and the dreaded time for engaging in real conversation was upon them. ¡°Does your mother work every Saturday?¡± Eric led with. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s a nurse at St Augustine¡¯s, she goes in on Saturdays for the overtime.¡± Looking around at their house, Eric couldn''t see how their financial situation could be such that Sam''s mother would need to give up her Saturdays to earn overtime pay. ¡°How about your mom; what does she do?¡± ¡°She works at a car dealership, though I don''t know what she does there, but on Saturdays she drinks." ¡°What? Your mom drinks every Saturday?¡± ¡°Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and sometimes Monday, but that¡¯s only sometimes.¡± The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. "Is your mother like an alcoholic or something?" Sam asked cautiously. "Yeah, she is," Eric answered nonchalantly. Unprepared for a confession of that enormity so soon Sam was at a loss for how to respond. The awkward silence returned, brought about by Eric''s surprising disclosure, making it his responsibility to end it. ¡°Is that a piano in that room?¡± He asked finally, having noticed and become curious about it earlier. ¡°Yeah, do you play?¡± She asked enthusiastically. ¡°No, I don''t; do you?¡± ¡°I can play,¡± Sam answered bashfully. ¡°Are you any good?¡± Eric prodded, curious about her abilities. ¡°Reasonably good, considering that I''m self-taught.¡± Then another silence while Sam weighed whether to play for him. The only person she had ever played for was her mother and her praise was hardly objective. Sam wasn''t confident enough to play for Eric without first giving it serious thought, but since he had taken her into his confidence about his mother¡¯s alcoholism she felt she owed him an important insight into her life as well. ¡°Do you want me to play for you?¡± She asked guardedly. ¡°Okay.¡± Sam walked shakily to the room that used to serve as her father''s study, followed just as shakily by Eric, who was afraid that if Sam turned out to be a skilled pianist it would be further proof of the quality divide between them that he had perceived. The piece that Sam decided she¡¯d play was Beethoven¡¯s Fure Elise, a piece she had practiced so much she could literally play it with her eyes closed. Watching Sam playing had the exact effect on Eric that he feared it would have, and when she was done, he could think of nothing he could say to her that wouldn''t sound stupid. ¡°That was amazing,¡± he said, feeling as stupid as he thought he would. ¡°Thanks,¡± Sam responded, ¡°It¡¯s really not that impressive, it¡¯s a minor Beethoven piece, popular among amateurs, any beginner could play it.¡± Eric couldn''t immediately tell if Sam''s modesty was false or genuine. After a couple of seconds, he realized that of course it was genuine. ¡°Who taught you to play like that?¡± He asked her. ¡°My father started teaching me when I was younger, but since he died I¡¯ve been teaching myself.¡± ¡°How did your father die?¡± ¡°He died in a car accident, seven years ago.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± Eric said feebly. Sensitivity didn¡¯t come naturally to him. ¡°It¡¯s okay, it was seven years ago. Listen, I¡¯m feeling like a cup of tea, you want anything?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m fine.¡± Sam went into the kitchen and made her tea, and while she was there she reflected on her disclosure to Eric of her father''s death and whether she had been too baleful and had made Eric feel uncomfortable. She carried her tea into the living room and found Eric sitting on the sofa working on the geometry homework that she had abandoned earlier. She had abandoned because her stress over today had made it impossible for her to think straight, not because it was difficult for her. She walked lightly across the living room and sat down next to Eric on the sofa. She looked over at the notepad that he was working in and saw that he was using a different method to solve the five circle diagram that she had stopped at, but one which she could see was more efficient than the method that she had been using. ¡°Doing my homework for me, I didn¡¯t know we were there yet.¡± ¡°Sorry, I was just curious because we haven¡¯t gotten to diagrams this complicated yet in geometry.¡± ¡°That''s because that''s next year¡¯s math, it''s from my accelerated math class.¡± ¡°You¡¯re in an accelerated math class?¡± He asked, perturbed. ¡°Yeah, and apparently you should be too.¡± Eric didn''t respond. He placed the notepad down on the coffee table and contemplated for a moment all that he had learned about Sam in the short time that he had been here with her. Her skill on the piano had confirmed his suspicion of the existence of a divide between them, the fact that she was in an accelerated math class was further proof of that and the final piece of evidence that he had identified when he had been alone and looking around was sitting on the coffee table next to where he had set the notepad. "Is this yours?" He asked, holding the Terms of Endearment that she had been reading the previous night. "Yeah, that''s my favorite book, I¡¯m busy reading it for the third time. How about you, what¡¯s your favorite novel?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t read,¡± Eric responded tersely. "Oh, okay." "All of those books on the shelves in the room with the piano, are those also yours?" "They were my father''s, but I''ve read most of them." "I see." Eric couldn''t take it anymore. Everything in this house served as a reminder of the fact that Sam was too good for him. He had to get out of there, before he was swallowed whole by his anxiety and feelings of inferiority he had to get out of there. ¡°Sam I have to go,¡± he said, feeling horrible. ¡°What?¡± Sam asked, devastated. ¡°Yeah, I just remembered that I''ve got stuff to do, so I need to go." "Oh, erm, okay," Sam answered, crestfallen. Desperate to leave the house as quickly as possible Eric got up from the sofa and made for the door. Her head spinning, Sam followed Eric to the door. Try as she might she couldn''t comprehend what could have happened to cause such an extreme reaction from Eric, and the time that it took for them to get from the sofa to the front door wasn''t enough for her to work out what she should do next, the only thing she could do was ask him the question that had taken over her mind in the wake of his sudden flight. "Are you going to come back next week?" Looking into Sam''s trembling and vulnerable eyes, Eric saw what his retreat was doing to her and it made him feel sick with himself, so sick that the thought of not coming back and hurting her more than he already had was unthinkable. He assured her that he would come back next week and left, wishing with each step he took that he had stayed. 4. Stephanies plans Stephanie''s plans Attending the same university as her best friend Laurelle wasn''t Stephanie''s only reason for choosing Glendale. Her other reason for choosing Glendale was that it was the university that Brian Wesley had enrolled in, the boy who was responsible for the grades that Stephanie had gotten in high school. Brian had had a crush on her in high school and by leading him to believe that he had a chance with her Stephanie had been able to get him to do her homework and prepare study notes for her. Her hope was that, with Brian having also registered for accounting, they could pick up where they''d left off. But things had changed, Brian understood that doing well in university was going to require a lot more effort than doing well in high school and he wasn''t prepared to spend the amount of time helping her as he used to. Realizing that things weren''t going to be going back to the way they used to be, Stephanie laid her cards on the table and made a deal with Brian that for every set of assignment answers and study notes she would give him a blowjob. Brian proved to be every bit as useful as he had been in high school, and with Stephanie doing so excellently Michael decided that nothing could be allowed to jeopardize her chances of graduating, and that meant that Jo-Ann''s alcoholism needed to be dealt with. She came home one Saturday morning carrying two plastic bags that contained her five-liter box of wine and her six beer quarts and was confronted by her husband who told her in his most belligerent tone that if she wanted to get drunk she must go and do it somewhere else! Not in the mood to have the same argument with her husband that she had every other week, Jo-Ann got in her car and drove to her auntie Christine''s house in Wentworth, where she knew that she could enjoy her drink free from judgment. Christine welcomed her niece with open arms and lent her a sympathetic ear while she got everything off of her chest about the nerve of Michael throwing her out of the house that she made the mortgage payments on. Christine was happy to have Jo-Ann over at her house, she was glad of the company and she was especially glad not to have to worry about buying her own drink. She invited Jo-Ann to come to her house whenever she felt like and soon Jo-Ann was spending every weekend at her auntie''s house. * * * With all of her university related business taken care of, Stephanie could finally start focusing on her biggest priority: Angel. They had made love four times since the day at the beach when she had resolved to address his sexual inexpertness and each time had been more unsatisfying than the last. Stephanie''s plan was to illustrate to Angel how important their sex life was by creating an occasion that would make it impossible for him not to get the message. She booked a hotel room for the same night that the four of them had made plans to go to Zoom. Stephanie hadn''t informed Angel of her plans; she thought that they''d spend about an hour at Zoom and then she would surprise him with the news about the hotel room. Getting her parents'' permission to stay out all night proved no problem for Stephanie. She told her father that she and a group of her friends from university were getting together to complete an assignment and without any suspicions to the contrary Michael gave his blessing. Jo-Ann had been in the room when Stephanie had asked for permission to spend the night out and had had some questions for her daughter but knowing how that conversation would end having gone through it literally countless times before she said nothing. In the bag that Stephanie took with her were the clothes for her to change into at Ricky''s flat before they left for Zoom. She arrived at Ricky''s flat and was immediately disappointed when she entered. Angel was sitting in the small living room watching music videos on television and Laurelle and Ricky were nowhere to be seen. "''Sup babe," Angel said when she entered, barely acknowledging her. "Hey babe, where are Ricky and Laurelle?" "They''re in the room." "Okay, I''m going to go change." "Okay." Stephanie walked down the hall to the bathroom to get changed, stopping on her way there to put her ear to the door of the room that Laurelle and Ricky had closed themselves up in. They were inside making love; Stephanie could hear Laurelle moaning deeply and knew that the pleasure that she was expressing was genuine, she had had sex with Ricky once and, unlike Angel, Ricky knew what he was doing. Stephanie became furious, she was furious at the unfairness of her friend Laurelle having a boyfriend who was so much better than hers and she was furious at Angel for not wanting to have sex with her before they left for the club. She went into the bathroom and got dressed in a great hurry, emerging with her hair and make-up done and wearing a tight black dress and high heel shoes. Ricky and Laurelle, when they saw her, both complimented her as looking stunning. Angel, on the other hand, appeared unmoved by his girlfriend''s appearance. It had seemed impossible only seconds earlier, but Stephanie got even more angry, and angrier still during the drive to Zoom, which Laurelle and Ricky spent going at each other in the back seat of the car while Angel sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window. Stephanie''s night was going to ruin without having even begun. Angel''s mood didn''t improve when they got to the club; Laurelle and Ricky were dancing and drinking and enjoying themselves while Stephanie was stuck in a booth with her miserable boyfriend. Having put so much time and effort into planning this night Stephanie wasn''t prepared to sit back and do nothing while it fell apart before her eyes. She set aside her anger and sidled up next to him to inform him of her plans for them for the rest of the night, hoping that would do the job of pulling him out of his funk. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. ¡°Listen babe, we¡¯re not going to be spending the whole night here, okay.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not that tired babe, we can stay.¡± ¡°No babe that¡¯s not it, I¡¯ve booked a hotel room for us to spend the night in.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s been a whole week since I¡¯ve seen you and I want us to have some quality time alone.¡± ¡°But a hotel room, that¡¯s so extravagant.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not extravagant babe, it¡¯s romantic.¡± ¡°But babe it¡¯s a hotel, I mean it¡¯s like a whole deal.¡± Angel being apprehensive about the two of them spending the night alone in a hotel room was an obstacle Stephanie hadn¡¯t expected to encounter. Not having the patience for this any longer, she leaned over and whispered in his ear the eight words she was sure would get them to the hotel. ¡°I¡¯ll let you fuck me in my ass.¡± Her words were so effective in bringing about a turnaround in Angel''s mood that Stephanie couldn''t understand why she hadn''t said it to him earlier. They were at the hotel in fifteen minutes, where, with the prospect of having anal sex with Stephanie being right in front of him, Angel was harder to subdue than ever; Stephanie had to fight him off to create an opening for her to go into the bathroom and change into the lingerie that she''d purchased for the occasion. It took her a while to get herself strapped and clasped into her lingerie and, to her great annoyance, Angel took no notice of it at all. He only had one thing on his mind, and, just like when they''d entered the hotel room, Stephanie faced a battle on her hands to keep him under control. ¡°HELL BABE! YOU SAID I COULD FUCK YOU IN YOUR ASS!¡± Angel protested. ¡°WE CAN¡¯T DO THE ANAL SEX FIRST BABE! YOU HAVE TO FUCK ME PROPERLY FIRST!¡± Grudgingly Angel acquiesced and started fishing in his wallet for a condom so they could get things underway. ¡°Oh shit.¡± ¡°What?!¡± Stephanie asked, consternated. ¡°I got no condom.¡± She couldn¡¯t believe it, another problem she hadn¡¯t foreseen that had the power to wreck her night had cropped up. She could¡¯ve sent Angel out into the street to look for a convenience store or a pharmacy to procure one, but by the time he got back there was a good chance the mood would¡¯ve been compromised, and she wasn¡¯t having any of that. ¡°It''s okay babe, you can cum in my ass.¡± ¡°REALLY!¡± ¡°Yes, now come on!¡± They continued with the foreplay. Stephanie stayed on top of Angel so she could keep him in check and they kissed slowly and seductively. She believed that everything was under control and that her plan was working, that she was finally getting through to him with what she expected from their lovemaking. What Stephanie wasn''t noticing was the effect that having sex without a condom for the first was having on Angel. Overwhelmed by the warmth and moistness of her, Angel overpowered Stephanie, flipped her on her back and before she could do anything about it was pumping in and out of her with the pneumatic force of a jackhammer that¡¯s come up against a resolute block of concrete. ¡°Oh Fuck! Oh Fuck!¡± Cried an out of control Angel. ¡°Babe!¡± Stephanie complained fruitlessly. ¡°FUCK! FUCK!¡± Angel said as he continued going at her with unrestrained vigor. ¡°BABE!!!¡± Stephanie screamed, furious to find herself in this all too familiar position. And just like that, it was all over. Angel rolled off of her and passed out from exhaustion on the bed next to her, leaving Stephanie to contemplate her relationship with him. As much as she loved him, she wasn''t sure how much more of his sexual immaturity she could take, because if they couldn''t enjoy intimacy then there would forever be an obstacle in the way of them belonging to one another entirely. She sat on the bed for over half an hour thinking about this, and only then did it hit her that Angel hadn¡¯t pulled out. 5. The next Saturday The next Saturday Eric spent the week following his visit to Sam''s house on Saturday reflecting on his time with her and on his reasons for leaving the way that he had. He realized that he had an inferiority complex, caused almost entirely by his parents favoritism of his sister, and that the fear that he had felt the entire time he had been with Sam had been the product of it. Thinking back over his time with her, what kept appearing in his mind was the image of Sam''s face when she had stopped him at the door and asked him if he was going to come back. He had nothing to fear from her, in her eyes he had seen the same fear and panic that he had been feeling, and by leaving the way he had he had brought her worst fear to life and hurt her. The more he thought about what he had done to her the more sick with himself he felt and the more resolved he became to return to Sam''s house on Saturday and make amends for his cowardly and hurtful flight. Sam spent the week trying to understand what she had done that had caused Eric to run away the way that he had and the only thing that she could think of was that she had failed to notice how anxious he was and that his anxiety had risen to where running away was the only thing he could think of doing. She hoped he would return so they could try again but having already experienced such highs and lows she had to be careful and temper her hope with the very real possibility that Eric would decide the anxiety was simply too much and not come back. Eric returned to Sam''s house and despite his determination to ensure that this visit went well there was residual awkwardness from the previous week that hung densely in the air. Worried that he was going to run away again if the choking awkwardness wasn''t alleviated Sam attempted to get them talking by asking him some of the questions that she had wanted to ask him last week but hadn''t because she thought it was too soon and to her relief and surprise Eric was entirely candid with her. She asked him about his mother''s drinking and he told her that it had been going on for as long as he could remember; she asked him about his father and Eric told her that he had been a teacher for twenty five years until a nervous breakdown forced him to retire. When she asked him about his sister Eric was reticent and Sam could tell that his sister was a sore topic that had to be left for later. "I could teach you, if you want," Sam said to get them talking again. "What do you mean?" "The piano, you keep looking at it, if you want to learn I can teach you." Sam had noticed this tendency of Eric''s to look over at the piano the previous week and had been preparing to make this offer to him. "It''s probably too late for me." "No it''s not, plus you have the hands for it, so you''ll pick it up quite quickly.¡± ¡°What do you mean I have the hands for it?¡± Eric asked, lifting his right hand and examining it to understand what she was saying. To illustrate her point, Sam got up from her seat, sat next to Eric, and took the hand he was examining into both of hers. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. ¡°You have thin wrists and long, slender fingers; they¡¯re musician¡¯s hands,¡± she said softly, only realizing when she was done talking the position she¡¯d put them in. It was the first time that they had touched and the enormity of the moment caused them both to freeze. They looked into each other''s eyes and recognized that the moment that they were sharing was perfect for them to kiss, but after spending too much time thinking about whether it was too soon the moment passed and they were left to figure out how they moved past it. "You can really teach me?" Eric withdrew his hand from Sam asked. "Sure." "Okay then." Eric''s first impulse had been to decline Sam''s offer but accepting it was the only thing he could think of to move them on from the awkwardness of the kiss that hadn''t materialized. Sam got up from the sofa and headed for the piano room followed by Eric. She opened up the seat on her piano bench to look inside it for the beginner''s manuals that her father had used to teach her and while she was doing that Eric took the opportunity to have a closer look at the books on the shelves. There was one book in particular caught his attention that he removed it from the shelf and began paging through. "Have you read this?" He asked Sam, who was still searching in vain for the beginner''s manuals. She turned to look at the book that Eric was referring to and, having surmised that there could be no way Eric was religious, felt no need to be careful with her answer. "Yeah, I have." The book that Eric was holding was The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin. "Have you read it?" Sam added. "No, but I''ve always wanted to." "You can borrow it if you''d like and read it at home." "Thanks, but I don''t have the time." Sam had instantly recognized Eric''s intelligence when they''d met and had been wondering since he''d told her the previous week that he didn''t read why he was seemingly doing nothing to nurture his intellect, and now he was telling her that it was because he didn''t have the time, leading her to wonder what he was spending his time doing. She didn''t ask him about it, deciding that, like the topic of his sister, it was something she should wait until they knew each other better to ask him about. "What''s this?" Eric asked, picking up one of the pieces of paper that Sam had removed from the bench and placed on the floor. It was sheet music paper with the notes written in pencil. "That''s just some music that I wrote," Sam answered bashfully. "You compose?" "Only a little, and it''s very amateurish." "Would you play it for me?" "Erm, okay, let me just put all of these things back." Eric returned The Origin of Species to the shelf from which he had retrieved it and leaned against the doorway to watch Sam play. He had largely shed his fear of Sam being too good for him. Her intellect and erudition no longer provoked fear, but rather awe. The piece that Sam chose to play for him was the piece that she had the most confidence in, a nocturne that she had written months ago. Eric stood in the doorway and watched her playing and found it hard to believe that someone so young could be so brilliant. Never again would he hurt her by running away from her. Sitting at the piano and playing the gentle piece that she had written, it was as if the music was a reflection of her, something so delicate and beautiful that just the thought of doing something that would cause it the slightest bit of harm was enough to cause him distress. He didn''t want to leave, he didn''t want to be separated from her, he wanted to stay with her for as long as he could and enjoy the feeling that he got from being with her that he was feeling for the first time. Sam, when she was done playing, looked up at Eric looking at her from the doorway and saw in his face that he wasn''t entertaining any thoughts of running away. They had found the trust that they had been searching for. 6. Motherhood Motherhood Stephanie had always imagined that when she had a child of her own its childhood would be nothing like what hers had been. Having an alcoholic mother and a manic depressive father, Stephanie had developed an awareness at a young age that she could be bearing witness to a blow up between her parents at any moment. When she thought about the possibility that she might be pregnant, the opportunity to prove that a child didn''t need to grow up with that sort of fear was what she thought about. She spent days thinking about her situation and decided, despite the complications it involved, that if she was pregnant she would keep it. To find out if she was pregnant Stephanie went to a free clinic to get tested, where she had to deal with a judgmental nurse who she very quickly put in her place. Laurelle had gone along with her to lend emotional support, but support seemed to be the last thing that Stephanie needed. She looked happy, excited even. Laurelle had seen that look on her friends face before and knew that it meant she was thinking something crazy, like the night when they were at a nightclub and she suggested they try ecstasy and slipped some into Laurelle''s cocktail after she had declined. She sat in the waiting area of the clinic and waited for Stephanie to be done keen to know what was going through her friend''s mind. ¡°So?¡± Laurelle asked her friend when they were back in the car. ¡°So what?¡± ¡°So did you ask her what the procedure is if you¡¯re pregnant?¡± ¡°What procedure?¡± ¡°You know, getting rid of it.¡± ¡°Getting rid of it? What do you mean getting rid of it? I¡¯m not getting rid of it.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re pregnant you plan on keeping it?!¡± Laurelle had suspected that this what Stephanie had decided but was still shocked to hear her say it. ¡°Yeah, I think it¡¯d be fun to be a mom.¡± ¡°Fun? Stephanie, you¡¯re eighteen, you can¡¯t be a mother!¡± ¡°What do you mean I can¡¯t be a mother? I¡¯d make a great mother!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not insulting you, I¡¯m just telling you it¡¯s a bad idea; your life would be over, do you realize that?¡± ¡°The only thing I realize is what a bad idea it was to bring you along with me today; the only thing I realize is what a bad idea it was staying friends with you all these years; obviously you don¡¯t think I¡¯m a very capable person and if that¡¯s what you think of me then I don¡¯t want you as a friend!¡± ¡°Stephanie I just¡­¡± ¡°NO, NO, you¡¯ve said quite enough, I don¡¯t want you saying another word until we get to your house, I¡¯m dropping you off, and then you and I are finished, I don¡¯t want to ever see or hear from you again; if I¡¯m going to be a parent then I¡¯m going to need all the support I can get, and if you¡¯re not going to be there for me then I don¡¯t want to know you!¡± If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°But Stephanie¡­¡± ¡°I SAID SHUT UP!!¡± And just like that, Stephanie dropped her best friend off at home, drove off, and never saw or spoke to her ever again. In the days that followed her pregnancy test thoughts of motherhood wouldn''t leave Stephanie''s mind. She decided a girl would be more fun than a boy and prayed for a daughter, and to test his level of commitment to her before telling him about the pregnancy she called Angel and asked him soberly if he¡¯d always be there for her no matter what, to which he answered ¡°Hell babe, you know I will¡±, an answer that was enough to assure her that he was going to make a wonderful father and husband. When she received confirmation from the clinic that she was pregnant she immediately started planning for life as a mother. She imagined a romantic life of struggle. She and Angel would get jobs that paid only just enough for them to get by and, watching her parents working so hard, their daughter would be proud of them and wouldn''t be disappointed with how little they had because she would recognize their hard work as proof of how much they loved her. The only thing left for Stephanie to do was to call Angel and give him the good news so that he could start preparing for his responsibilities as a father. ¡°Hey babe,¡± she said when he picked up, trying desperately to repress her excitement. ¡°What¡¯s up babe,¡± Angel responded groggily, her phone call had awakened him from a nap. ¡°I have something to tell you.¡± ¡°Yeah what is it?¡± ¡°Guess.¡± ¡°What?¡± He asked confused. ¡°Guess what it is.¡± ¡°Babe I¡¯m tired, you woke me up from my nap, just tell me what it is,¡± he said, getting annoyed. ¡°Okay, are you ready, it¡¯s pretty big.¡± ¡°Yes I¡¯m ready, what is it?¡± ¡°I¡¯m pregnant!¡± ¡°WHAT?!¡± The news launched Angel out of bed and out of his skin. ¡°I¡¯m pregnant babe! We¡¯re going to have a baby!¡± Having just heard from his girlfriend that she was pregnant Angel only had one thing on his mind, and it wasn''t how much he was looking forward to being a father. ¡°Babe, you there?¡± Stephanie asked, unsettled by the silence coming from the other end of the line. ¡°You¡¯re pregnant?¡± ¡°Yes!¡± ¡°Is it mine?¡± Angel asking ¡°Is it mine?¡± was not the reaction Stephanie was expecting from him. Having caught him while he was asleep she dismissed it as the result of him still being in a daze. ¡°Yes it¡¯s yours; who else''s would it be? Okay, so, I¡¯m going to leave now to come and see you so we can start talking about this properly.¡± ¡°No, no, babe,¡± Angel responded, his mind working faster than it ever had before, ¡°thing is I¡¯m going with Ralph to his work tonight, that¡¯s why I was sleeping, he said his supervisor might have something for me, so I¡¯m going with him to see about that,¡± he lied. ¡°Oh, well that¡¯s terrific; actually the first thing I was going to tell you was that with a baby on the way it was time for you to get your shit together and find a job.¡± ¡°Uh-uh, so let¡¯s rather get together tomorrow then, okay?¡± ¡°Okay babe, I love you; how much do you love me now that I¡¯m going to be having your baby?¡± ¡°Lots babe, lots.¡± The next morning, when Stephanie knocked on Angel¡¯s door, she was greeted not by the man she loved but by his mother, who told her that yesterday afternoon Angel ran out of the house with all of his clothes in a bag without telling her where he was going. Stephanie knew Angel''s mother didn''t like her and thus refused to give her the satisfaction of making herself look like she couldn''t work out what was going on. Angel wanted nothing to do with the baby and so he had run away. She could probably find him quite easily if she wanted to, but if he could refuse to take responsibility for his family and just run away like this then she didn¡¯t want him in their lives. She¡¯d raise Sarah all by herself and be one of those cool single moms. 7. At last At Last After the breakthrough they''d made, Eric and Sam waited for Saturday and the opportunity to see each other again without any of the fear or trepidation with which they had anticipated the previous two Saturdays. Sam felt that she could ask Eric the questions that she had been holding back out of fear that she would make him uncomfortable and provoke another flight, and Eric, who wished to know the full beauty of Sam''s brilliance, decided that he would go along with whatever Sam proposed they do without hesitation. And of course there was the issue of the kiss. It was the last remaining source of awkwardness between them and when he arrived at her house on Saturday it was the first thing they thought of when they saw each other. They had hoped that this Saturday would go perfectly smoothly but it was feeling like a repeat of the previous week. Being a Woody Allen fan, Sam considered the idea of doing what Alvy did in Annie Hall: confront it head on and just get it out of the way, but with the feelings that she had developed for Eric the thought of their first kiss happening in such a way felt wrong. She put the idea out of her mind, and to move them past the tension they were feeling from thinking about their first kiss she asked Eric if he''d like to watch a movie. Sam had a policy of not watching movies that were based on books until she had read the book. She had started reading House of Sand and Fog on Tuesday and had gone to sleep on Friday night having just finished reading it. She hadn''t planned on asking Eric to watch the film with her because of the serious subject matter but she was desperate to watch it and they could use the time they spent watching it to work out what to do about the kiss. Eric wasn''t thinking about the kiss during the film. He gave the film his undivided attention because it was important to Sam and he had resolved to develop the capacity to engage with her on the things that were important to her, and, with that in mind, when they were having coffee after the movie had finished, he asked Sam if they could have their piano lesson. They''d had a lesson the previous week that had lasted over an hour, after which Sam had granted Eric''s request and played her favorite pieces for him: Faure''s Nocturne in E flat major, Debussy''s Clair de Lune and Reverie, Liszt''s Consolation no. 3, Satie''s Gymnopedie no. 1, and Beethoven''s Sonata Pathetique, 2nd movement. Eric stood in the doorway and watched her playing and, unlike the last time when all he had felt when watching her was amazement, this time he also felt an unmistakable stab of envy. He wanted to be able to do what Sam could do and spent every night of the week trying to remember as much as he could of what he''d seen thinking that he could put it to use somehow. Sam went into the piano room with Eric without any of the tension in her body having dissipated. She opened up one of the beginner''s books to Mary Had a Little Lamb and asked Eric if he would play it while she got herself some tea, an offer she extended to him which he declined. She needed a moment, she needed a few seconds alone to catch her breath and collect her thoughts. She needed to figure out how to be near Eric without being overwhelmed by thoughts of the kiss. She was busy thinking about what she could do to get her nerves under control when she heard music coming from the piano room that was not Mary Had a Little Lamb. The piece of music that he was playing was similar in style to the pieces that she had played for him but he wasn''t trying to play any of those pieces, he was playing something original. Sam stood frozen in the kitchen and listened, unable to believe what she was hearing. What Eric was doing was simply extraordinary, the scale of his intellect was well beyond what she had imagined and, having waited patiently for him to reveal his intellect, the opportunity that it presented her to find out from him why he was so intellectually apathetic was one that she wasn''t prepared to let pass her by. She forgot about the tea and walked to the piano room where Eric was still playing his piece. She stood in the doorway like he did when he watched her and, to her even greater amazement, he was playing with his eyes closed. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. "What was that?" She asked him when he finished playing and opened his eyes. "Just something I''ve been thinking about this week," Eric answered bashfully, concerned that he had revealed more of himself than he should have. "There''s a reason why you don''t bother with your schoolwork or pursue anything intellectual despite being so brilliant, what is it?" Sam sat next to him and asked. "It''s nothing," he said evasively. "Eric, please tell me." Not for the first time, Eric was rendered defenseless by Sam''s entreating eyes. The question that she was asking him concerned an incident that had taken place at his house that was the worst that he had lived through. He thought the time for telling Sam about it would be much later after he had given her the full story about his family. But he trusted Sam, and she wanted to know now so he told her. He told her about the night that his sister had gotten into trouble for something and had managed to direct their father''s wrath away from her and toward their mother by saying that her drinking was the reason why she had done what she had done. Michael had been quick to agree with her that Jo-Ann was to blame, and Jo-Ann, drunk and angry, decided that she wasn''t going to stay and be the recipient of unwarranted abuse from her husband and daughter. Eric came out of his room as Jo-Ann was packing a bag and, seeing that she was in no condition to drive, waited to see what she did. She had threatened before to get in the car and drive off when she was drunk and it always proved to be an empty threat. This time it wasn''t an empty threat, her daughter''s mendacity and duplicity and her husband''s stupidity had pushed her past the point of rational thought. When he saw that she was intent on going through with it, Eric followed his mother and tried to talk her out of it. Jo-Ann heard none of what her son had to say, she was too drunk and too angry. Eric followed her all the way to the car and tried to stop her by grabbing her and pulling her away, but she was too drunk and too angry and easily pushed him off of her. She got into the car and, in a final effort to stop her, Eric stood in the driveway behind the car. Jo-Ann didn''t see her son standing there, she was too drunk and too angry. She started the car and put it in reverse and backed it out with her foot planted, forcing Eric to jump out of the way to avoid getting run over. Jo-Ann got onto the road and sped off, and Eric, having still failed to grasp that there was nothing he could do, ran after the car and only stopped when it was out of sight. He started crying when he stopped running and the tears wouldn''t stop. Michael and Stephanie didn''t come for him, and the time that he spent standing in the road and crying was the moment when he realized that he was all alone in the world. His story over, Eric told Sam about the pornography that he sold at school to make the money he needed to leave home when he graduated from high school, work that kept him occupied until as late as two in the morning every day, leaving him with no time for anything else. Sam struggled to find a response for what Eric had just told her. There were problems that existed between she and her mother but never had her mother made her feel the way that Eric''s family had made him feel. Hearing his story, she realized what these Saturdays meant to him, what it meant for him to give up so much of his time to be here with her and how much it took for him to trust her as much as he did. Eric was visibly shaken from recounting for her the story of that night, and looking at him, Sam felt what she believed could only be love. She placed her hands tentatively on his face and lifted it so that he was looking at her. The kiss, arriving at last, possessed none of the apprehension they feared would ruin it. Sam pressed her lips against Eric''s and felt him reciprocate the feelings that had convinced her that it was time. He loved her as much as she loved him, knowing that, Sam could let go of her anxiety and embrace the relief of no longer needing to worry about waiting for him to open up to her. They spent the rest of the day enjoying the intimacy that they had been denying themselves by being so fearful. When she was in his arms and felt his hand on the back of her head Sam experienced the feeling of being cherished as something precious and didn''t want the feeling to ever end, and with Sam in his arms pressed up against him, Eric could feel her fragility and vulnerability and felt an overpowering obligation to protect her against anything that had designs on hurting her. 8. The forever wait The forever wait From when she was a small child bringing home report cards in which her teachers extolled her general excellence, Michael had been waiting for the day when Stephanie would go off to university and make him proud. He was so certain that his daughter was going to do well and so excited to see how well that after Stephanie told him that she was done with exams he started opening all of the mail that arrived at the house that was marked "Glendale University". His expectation was that when he opened the envelope that contained her semester results he was going to be blown away. And he was.
Course code Subject Ass Mrk % Ex Mrk % Yr Mrk %
ECS101 Economics 1 90 0 (A) 18
FAC101 Financial accounting 1 80 0 (A) 16
BMN101 Business Management 1 70 0 (A) 14
FNM101 Intro to Financial Maths 1 90 0 (A) 18
CML101 Commercial Law 1 90 0 (A) 18
The idea of his daughter failing had never entered Michael''s mind. The sight of her results sent him into a depression the depth of which he hadn''t experienced in years. He left the toast and coffee he''d made on the kitchen counter and went back to bed where he intended to remain until Stephanie returned home and they could get to the bottom of this. Jo-Ann found Stephanie''s results stuck to the refrigerator door when she returned home from work. They''d been put there by Eric, who had spent years warning his parents about his sister without them ever listening to him. Jo-Ann was disappointed by the results but not surprised by them. She had suspected from the beginning that Stephanie''s only reason for studying accounting was so that she could continue taking advantage of her father. Stephanie had let them down before, but this time her screw up came with an enormous cost that Jo-Ann didn''t want to begin to think about how she was going to pay. She made herself a cup of tea, sat down in the lounge and braced herself for an explosive evening. Michael emerged from his room while Jo-Ann was still drinking her tea. He made himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen and sat with Jo-Ann in silence in the living room, waiting for Stephanie. ¡°Hey mom, hey dad, sorry I¡¯m late, we were doing some research at the library and lost track of time,¡± Stephanie said when she entered the house. She walked into the living room, saw the murderous look on her father¡¯s face and the fear on her mother¡¯s and knew that there was trouble. She realized how much when she saw the sheet of paper with her results on the coffee table. It wasn''t like Stephanie to allow herself to be cornered like this, but she had been so busy with the pregnancy that the issue of dealing with her exams had slipped her mind. Now, because of her sloppiness, she was walking into a major confrontation without any means of defending herself. ¡°Stephanie, sit down please,¡± Michael said coldly, using everything at his disposal to stop his control from slipping away from him. Stephanie walked sheepishly to the seat opposite her father¡¯s. She sat down and looked in his eyes and saw that there was nothing that she could do to elicit mercy from him. ¡°Tell me, what is this?¡± He asked, lifting up the report. ¡°It¡¯s my report,¡± she said stupidly. ¡°Yes I know it¡¯s your report, what I want to know is why it¡¯s so bad. Tell me, how is it that you managed to fail everything?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know. Listen here Stephanie, don¡¯t sit there and talk shit to me like that, okay; DON¡¯T TALK TO ME LIKE I¡¯M SOME SORT OF FUCKING IDIOT!!¡± ¡°Michael please,¡± Jo-Ann whimpered. Michael, blinded and deafened by rage, continued. ¡°Tell me Stephanie, how did this happen? You were spending almost every night with your study group; you got As on all your assignments; if you understood the work so well you should have had no problem with the examinations, so why didn¡¯t you take them?¡± Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Stephanie kept her head to the ground and said nothing in response, chastising herself in her mind for having been so sloppy. ¡°ANSWER ME!!¡± ¡°Michael, shouting isn¡¯t going to get us anywhere, just please calm down.¡± ¡°Jo-Ann, don¡¯t tell me to calm down, okay, because maybe if you¡¯d spent less time worrying about getting drunk and more time worrying about your daughter¡¯s studies this wouldn¡¯t have happened!¡± Jo-Ann had expected that at some point Michael would find a way to blame this on her and had thought that she was prepared for it, but like always her husband''s words cowed her into silence. ¡°Tell me Stephanie, have you been lying to us again like when you were sixteen and sneaking out to nightclubs?! Is that why you failed, because all those times you told us you were studying you were out gallivanting with Laurelle?!¡± The more her father shouted at her, the closer Stephanie came to losing control. She¡¯d resigned herself to not being able to extricate herself from this and was focusing all of her attention on making sure she didn''t break down and say something she¡¯d regret. ¡°Still don¡¯t want to talk huh? Okay then, why don¡¯t you tell us how you managed to get such good marks on your assignments. You obviously haven¡¯t been studying, so where did those marks come from? Were you cheating, getting somebody else to do them for you?¡± Her father pushing her for answers about her assignments flooded Stephanie¡¯s mind with the memory of taking Brian Wesley¡¯s dick in her mouth. She couldn¡¯t believe what a fool she¡¯d been to have allowed herself to be subjected to this, to have thought her parents would rejoice at the news of her pregnancy, to have thought Angel wanted to raise a family with her, to have ended her friendship with Laurelle, the only person who had always been there for her. Recollecting all these huge mistakes she¡¯d made while being relentlessly berated by her father was all too much for her to take. She lost control of her mind for just a fraction of a second but it was enough; she¡¯d lost her composure and there was no getting it back. ¡°What are you crying about, huh? Just what the fuck are you crying about?! You¡¯ve abused our trust, you¡¯ve humiliated us by failing so miserably, you¡¯ve stuck us with the responsibility of repaying KPMG, so tell me, JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?!!¡± Ordinarily the sight of his daughter being reduced to tears would have been enough to get Michael to pull back, but with his daughter having committed a failure of this magnitude nothing was going to get him to ease off until he¡¯d extracted an explanation from of her. ¡°Are you really just going to sit there and say nothing? Are you really not going to make any effort whatsoever to provide us with an explanation for why you¡¯ve put us into such trouble? Are you that fucking irresponsible?!¡± With each word of condemnation from her father Stephanie cracked up further. The problems in her life that she herself had created swirled around faster and faster in her head and the chaos became unbearable. She had to get rid of some of it to stop her mind from exploding and opened her mouth without thinking. ¡°I¡¯m pregnant.¡± ¡°You¡¯re what?¡± Michael asked incredulously, his daughter¡¯s confession taking him completely by surprise. ¡°I¡¯M PREGNANT!¡± Stephanie wailed, unable to contain the pressure her father had been piling on her since the beginning of this discussion. The room was enveloped by silence, the only sound to be heard was that of Stephanie crying. Michael couldn¡¯t come to grips with what he was living through. How was it possible that his daughter had been perpetrating this deception this whole time? Jo-Ann, sitting quietly on the periphery, was equally disoriented by her daughter¡¯s confession. She couldn¡¯t believe that this was the end product of the control that Michael had been exerting over their daughter her whole life. She was furious with herself for having been so submissive all these years and with her husband for being such a blind idiot. More than anything else, though, she was concerned about what lay in store for her daughter in the near future. Unlike her husband who could only think about how much it hurt to be betrayed by the daughter he¡¯d always thought of as being perfect, Jo-Ann understood that there were now much bigger issues that needed to be discussed here, issues that she couldn¡¯t bring up because with Michael having found out that his daughter was pregnant he had more questions that he wanted answers to. ¡°You¡¯re pregnant, okay, so how about you tell us how that happened?¡± He asked sardonically. ¡°Michael, don¡¯t you think we should¡­¡± ¡°Jo-Ann, SHUT UP!¡± And she did. ¡°Let¡¯s have it Stephanie, how did this happen? You know what never mind that, there¡¯s something else I want to know first: who¡¯s the father?¡± He asked, lurching close to and staring a hole through Stephanie. ¡°His name¡¯s Angel,¡± Stephanie answered. She¡¯d given up trying to protect herself from her father¡¯s onslaught; she was depleted and decided to just tell him the truth about whatever he asked her. ¡°Angel, okay, where is this Angel from?¡± ¡°He¡¯s from Marianridge,¡± Stephanie answered, looking lifeless except for the tears running down her cheeks. ¡°Of course he is, I should have known you were still in contact with those people; so that¡¯s what¡¯s been going on this whole time, you and Laurelle have been getting up to your old tricks again, using the car we bought for you to pick up boys and fuck them!¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Yes? That¡¯s what you have to say? Yes?...YES!!!¡± ¡°Michael please, this isn¡¯t helping,¡± Jo-Ann interjected, afraid that her husband was on the brink of doing serious physical harm to their daughter. ¡°Okay then, let¡¯s ask some questions that would be helpful, like how old is this Angel?¡± Michael asked. ¡°He¡¯s twenty eight.¡± ¡°He¡¯s twenty eight and you¡¯re eighteen, okay. Does he have a job?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t have a job, okay. Where does he live?¡± ¡°He lives with his mother.¡± ¡°So the boy who you¡¯ve been seeing behind our backs, who¡¯s gotten you pregnant is ten years older than you, unemployed, and still lives with his mother. Is that correct?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± At this point Michael stopped his inquisition. He got up from his seat, took a few steps, put his hands on his head and took some deep breaths. He realized there was no point in being so angry; these weren¡¯t simply mistakes that his daughter had made. All of this irresponsibility and lying and sex was who his daughter really was. She wasn¡¯t the only one who¡¯d been deceiving him, all these years he¡¯d been deluding himself. ¡°Stephanie, what are you going to do about this baby?¡± Jo-Ann asked, taking advantage of the silence that had prevailed in the room to ask the question that most needed asking. ¡°She¡¯s going to get rid of it; if she keeps it then her whole life is going to be ruined.¡± Michael¡¯s words sent a cold shudder through Stephanie¡¯s body that she suppressed. She knew that if she gave the slightest indication to her father of her desire to keep her baby then they were both doomed. ¡°Michael, don¡¯t you think we should take some time to think about this first?¡± Jo-Ann asked, discomforted by the conflict between the sensible solution of an abortion and her Christian faith. ¡°Jo-Ann, what is there to think about? If she has this child then she¡¯s going to be stuck with this Angel character in her life and she won¡¯t be able to finish her studies, which you are going to do by the way,¡± he said, turning his attention back to his daughter, ¡°you¡¯re going to retake all those modules and this time I¡¯m not letting you out of my sight.¡± None of the words of Michael¡¯s plan for saving Stephanie¡¯s future from her poor decisions got through to her, she was too busy focusing on how she was going to save her baby from him. ¡°Jo-Ann, do you agree with me?¡± ¡°Yes, unfortunately I do, Stephanie is just not ready to have a child,¡± Jo-Ann responded, with little conviction. ¡°Right, so, here¡¯s what¡¯s going to happen: tomorrow your mother is going to take your car to work and that¡¯s where it¡¯s going to stay until we¡¯ve sold it. That¡¯s only fair, given that all you¡¯ve been doing is abusing it, then you and I are going to go to an abortion clinic and find out what the procedure is, okay?¡± Immersed in her thoughts about how to escape from this man Stephanie failed to notice that he¡¯d asked her a question. ¡°Stephanie, I said is that okay?¡± This time his question did register with her and she nodded her head in acquiescence, thinking that if she did she¡¯d be allowed to leave. ¡°Okay then.¡± Satisfied that everything had been resolved and that by this time tomorrow all of his daughter¡¯s problems would have been gotten rid of, Michael left the lounge and went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee to drink while he sat outside and cooled off. Jo-Ann wasn¡¯t far behind him; the tea she¡¯d made when she arrived home had gotten cold and she went into the kitchen to make herself a second cup, affording Stephanie the opportunity to slip away quietly to her room. She went into her room, closed the door, put the light off, and lay on her bed in silence hoping that if anybody came in to check on her they¡¯d think she was sleeping having worn herself out with all of her crying and leave her alone. She did this for five hours until midnight, when she decided it was now safe for her to start putting her hastily prepared plan into motion. Acting as quickly as the need to be quiet would allow she retrieved a bag from her wardrobe and started packing clothes. She still had the car keys with her and when her bags were packed she snuck out of the house and left in her car with no plans to ever return. 9. Eight long years Eight long years The Saturday after Stephanie ran away, Eric went to Sam''s house and noticed as soon as she opened the door for him that something was wrong. She looked depressed and exhausted, nothing like her usual self. Sam was doing her best to hide what she was feeling, and Eric, wanting to wait until she felt comfortable about confiding in him, decided not to ask her questions, which was made difficult by the inordinately long and tight hug that she gave him after she''d closed the door behind him. To take her mind off of whatever was plaguing her he told her all about his sister''s results, the ensuing explosion and her midnight flight. ¡°Why would she run away though?¡± Sam asked. She found it strange that Stephanie would run away given the amount of control she enjoyed. ¡°The only thing for her to run away from is the abortion my father was going to force her to get.¡± ¡°Why does she want to be a mother? From everything you¡¯ve told me your sister is an utterly selfish person.¡± ¡°She¡¯s also utterly insane, there¡¯s no point in trying to fathom whatever perverse reason she has for wanting a child.¡± Hearing about the drama that had unfolded at Eric''s house during the week had succeeded in briefly taking Sam''s mind off of the drama in her own life. She worried about Eric''s family and whether he was really going to be able to escape them before his potential was crushed by them. It was for this reason that despite how badly she''d been feeling she refused to allow it to ruin her Saturday with Eric. On Friday she''d gone to the video store and rented a movie for them to watch and had searched through her files of sheet music for pieces for their piano lesson. The movie she rented was Homeward Bound, a film she had been looking forward to watching with Eric since he''d told her two weeks earlier that the film''s final scene when Shadow limps home always brings him to tears. Sam had to see what he''d described for herself and when they were done watching the movie and it happened, the sensitivity within him that it revealed made it harder for her to hide from him the hurt that she was feeling. She knew that if she opened up to him he¡¯d take her in his arms and wouldn¡¯t let her go, a comforting thought that still didn¡¯t outweigh her belief that it was important she not be too needy so early. She kept up her fa?ade which cracked up a little further every second until, during a Ravel prelude that they were practicing, it cracked all the way and shattered. Her hands started shaking, and a solitary tear rolled down her face. ¡°Sam, what is it?¡± Eric asked. His gentle utterance of the words was her undoing. She broke down and, without being aware of him doing so, was enclosed by Eric tightly in his arms. Seeing Sam like this for the first time, the pain it brought him was unlike anything he''d felt before; what he''d felt the night his mother had tried to run him over didn''t come close. Her fragility, the thing about her that scared him the most, was now completely exposed. He held on to her without loosening his grip, waiting patiently for her crying to subside. ¡°You okay?¡± He asked gently when she seemed composed enough to talk. ¡°Yeah, I think I¡¯m fine,¡± she responded softly. The crying had left her body drained and Eric could feel it. She got up from next to him on the piano bench and went to the bathroom to wash her face. She returned and they sat together in the living room, and Sam told him the reason for her feeling this way. Last week after he''d left, without telling her anything, her mother had brought a man home with her. It was the first time she had done so in all the years since her father''s death and the inconsideration that she had shown Sam by not discussing it with her beforehand had hurt Sam deeply. She spent the night crying in her room and spent the whole of Sunday in her room avoiding her mother. On Tuesday she confronted her mother about what had happened on Saturday night and was told by her mother that she was forty-two years old and didn''t need to clear everything she did with her seventeen year old daughter, and if this was about her father then it was high time she accepted the fact that he was gone and got over it. Sam hadn''t seen or spoken to her mother since. She made sure she was in her room when her mother came home from work and she only came out when her mother had gone to bed. She had been holding in the pain that her mother had caused her all week and with Eric there with her now she couldn''t hold it in any longer. She kept breaking down in sobs while telling Eric everything that had happened and each time she did he was quick to take her in his arms. Holding on to her, Eric wished that he could do more than just hold her, that he could offer her something concrete to reassure her of her importance to him and his commitment to her. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°Come with me.¡± ¡°What?¡± Sam asked, confused. ¡°When I leave home after school, come with me.¡± Eric''s offer left Sam stunned. She didn''t know that he loved her so much that he would be willing to go this far for her and she couldn''t think of anything she wanted more than to be with Eric every day, but again it was her fear of being too much of a burden on him that was the basis of her decision. ¡°No, I can¡¯t do that, that¡¯s too much. If I come with you then the money you¡¯ve been saving isn''t going to last as long as you need it to." "Don''t worry about the money, I''ll have more than enough." Sam could tell from his insistence that Eric hadn''t made the offer to her just to make her feel better. He wanted her with him, and having never experienced the feeling of being wanted so much before, Sam could only give him one answer. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll come with you.¡± * * * For the next three weeks, Sam continued avoiding her mother. She spent her nights in her room sitting on her bed and imagining the life that she and Eric would have when they ran away. Normally it was safe for her to come out of her room after ten o''clock, by then her mother had gone to bed and was fast asleep, but on Tuesday night Sam came out of her room at ten-thirty and found her mother sitting at the dining room table with the lights off eating the plate of spaghetti that Sam had left for her in the microwave. Troubled by what she saw, Sam pulled out a chair and sat with her mother at the table. The first thing that Sam was struck by was the smell. She knew that her mother kept wine in the nightstand next to her bed and had a little every night before she went to bed but the smell that she was confronted with was the product of a lot more than a couple of glasses. "You don''t have to worry about that guy coming over anymore," Evelyn said, her voice husky. "Why? What happened?" Sam asked, growing increasingly concerned about what had happened to her mother that had put her in the state that she was in. "He''s married, I found out today that he''s married," Evelyn answered, putting a forkful of spaghetti into her mouth. "How did you find out?" "One of the other nurses told me, apparently they all knew and if I wasn''t so anti-social at work then I would have also known and wouldn''t have made a complete fool of myself." "I''m sorry." "No, I''m the one who''s sorry. I shouldn''t have brought him here without saying anything to you and I shouldn''t be making you worry about me by letting you see me like this." "Are you going to be okay?" "Yeah, I''ll be fine." Sam didn''t believe that her mother was going to be fine. She had allowed a man into her life for the first time in eight years and had been badly hurt and publicly humiliated by him. The distance that existed between she and her mother had never felt as material to Sam as it did then, because as much as she wanted to be a comfort to her mother she couldn''t bring herself to take that important step toward her. She hoped that she was wrong about her mother and with each day that passed with her mother going to work in the morning and looking fine when she came home in the evening Sam worried about her less and came to believe that she really was fine, until she heard a noise from the bathroom one Sunday morning and, when she went to see what it was, found her mother lying curled up on the floor in pain having spat up blood all over the sink. 10. A conversation eight years in the making A conversation eight years in the making Seized by panic, Sam stood in the doorway and watched her mother writhing on the floor in pain, unable to gather herself. She quickly snapped out of her paralysis and got on her knees next to her mother and asked her what was wrong. ¡°It¡¯s my stomach, go and call an ambulance,¡± Evelyn struggled out, each word causing her excruciating pain. Sam ran to do so. Her nerves were on edge but she was able to maintain her composure and give accurate details to the emergency services operator. She returned to the bathroom and sat on the floor next to her mother while they waited for the ambulance to arrive, feeling helpless and rapidly losing her grip. She looked at her mother lying on the floor in pain and, fearing that she was going to lose her mother like she''d lost her father, was overcome with regret over all of the years of silence between them. After what seemed like eternity, the ambulance arrived. Sam let them into the house and stood back and watched while they got her mother onto a gurney and wheeled her out of the house to the ambulance. Alone in the house, Sam could no longer hold herself together and felt herself cracking apart. She was nearing the point at which her mental faculties would completely desert her when she remembered Eric telling her that as much as he hated them he had purchased a cell phone so that she could contact him if ever she needed him. Eric was fast asleep but when he heard the phone ringing he knew it was Sam and that it was something serious and he sprang up. "Sam what is it?" He asked, panic stricken. "My mom was sick, I had to call an ambulance for her and..." She broke down crying and couldn¡¯t go on talking. She held onto the phone and wailed into the mouthpiece feeling entirely engulfed. ¡°Sam, don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll be right there!¡± Eric scrambled out of bed and threw on the jeans and shoes that he''d worn to Sam''s house the previous day. He ran out of the house without any concern for his parents wondering where he was going. When he walked to Sam''s house it normally took him thirty minutes to get there, running the entire way there at full speed he arrived in just over ten minutes. ¡°SAM!¡± He burst into the house and yelled out. Receiving no answer he set about frantically looking for her and found her in the first room he checked, the kitchen, where she was sitting on the floor against the wall with the phone dangling next to her, tears dripping listlessly down face. Sam was in a state of such deep distress that she didn''t hear Eric calling her name. Only when he squatted down to check on her did she became aware of his presence. She threw her arms around him, wrapped them as tightly as she could, buried her head in his shoulder and let everything out. For Eric, Sam''s outpouring was heartbreaking. He started shedding tears of his own, unable to reconcile himself to the unfairness of Sam being made to feel so much hurt. "Why are you crying?" Sam asked him when her crying subsided and she pulled away from him. ¡°Because it pains me to see you like this.¡± Moved by his love for her, Sam took his face in her hands and kissed him. ¡°What happened? Why are you like this?¡± Eric asked her. ¡°This morning I heard my mother screaming,¡± she started, still tremulous from her first outpouring of tears, ¡°when I went to check on her I found her lying on the bathroom floor with¡­with blood coming out of her mouth¡­¡± Recounting the events of the morning, Sam suffered a second breakdown and needed to return to the refuge of Eric''s arms. Drained and overwhelmed, Eric searched for the right words to say to her that would calm her but could come up with nothing better than empty reassurances. ¡°Don¡¯t worry Sam, it¡¯ll be alright.¡± ¡°What if it¡¯s not? What if I lose her too like I lost my father?¡± Now that he knew what was going through her mind, that she was terrified of being left all alone, Eric understood that he had to make sure Sam had no doubts about her importance to him. ¡°It¡¯s too soon for you to be thinking like that. Listen, tonight we¡¯ll go to the hospital to see her but until then it¡¯s pointless you torturing yourself like this by focusing on the worst possible outcome.¡± ¡°Will you come with me?¡± She asked, so softly it was almost inaudible. ¡°Of course, I''ll stay with you as long as you need me to,¡± he said, looking deeply into her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m tired,¡± Sam mumbled, depleted by all of the drama. ¡°Then have a rest, I¡¯ll be here when you wake up.¡± ¡°And the hospital?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll phone them, and when you wake up I¡¯ll have an answer for you about when we can go see her.¡± Having Eric there with her, and trusting that he wouldn''t leave, Sam fell asleep within moments of lowering her head onto his lap. Eric sat and stroked Sam''s hair delicately while he used the time that she was asleep to contemplate the situation they found themselves in. If Sam''s mother died it would destroy Sam, if she survived it would almost certainly mean the end of their precious Saturdays. Gently, he lifted Sam''s head up from his lap and slid out from underneath her. He laid her head down on the couch and went to her bedroom to retrieve the comforter off of her bed that he threw over her. He didn''t want to think any more about the ramifications of Sam''s mother''s illness so he went into the music room to work on a nocturne that they had been composing but had been struggling to finish. He worked assiduously on the piece, taking breaks only to call the hospital and to check on Sam, who was sleeping deeply. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Sam slept for hours, and woke up when the sunlight was waning. She heard music and instantly recognized it as Chopin''s Raindrop prelude. Eric''s playing was near flawless. In the five short months that they had known each other he had far surpassed her. She sat in the lounge and listened to Eric playing until he was done, feeling a sense of pride at having been successful in getting him to realize his potential. "How long was I asleep?" She asked Eric when he was done playing and came to the lounge to check on her. "Close to seven hours." "What have you been doing all this time?" "I was practicing mostly, and I finished that nocturne that we''ve been working on." "Really? How did it turn out?" ¡°I¡¯ll play it for you when we get back.¡± ¡°We can go to the hospital?¡± ¡°Yeah, I kept calling and they said that we can visit her tonight.¡± ¡°When?¡± ¡°In about an hour. I phoned the bus depot, the next bus that stops at the hospital should be coming through here in about half an hour, so we should get moving.¡± On the journey to the hospital Sam was apprehensive as she grew increasingly fearful of what condition she was going to find her mother in when they got to the hospital. Eric sensed her apprehension, and kept a reassuring arm around her shoulders for the duration of the trip. At the hospital Sam''s apprehension grew to dread and Eric had to talk her out of going home without seeing her mother. He walked her slowly to her mother''s room and, once there, the sight of her mother sleeping peacefully had the effect of dissipating all of Sam''s anxiety. ¡°She¡¯s sleeping,¡± she whispered to Eric, his hands on her shoulders steadying her. ¡°So wake her up,¡± Eric whispered back. ¡°I can¡¯t do that.¡± ¡°Sure you can.¡± ¡°But with all she¡¯s been through maybe she wants a long rest. Yeah, I think we should go¡­¡± Just as Sam turned to head for the door she heard her mother shifting in her bed. ¡°Sam, is that you?¡± Evelyn asked soporifically. ¡°Yeah mom, it¡¯s me,¡± Sam answered, walking over to her mother''s bedside. Reeling from the unexpected sight of her daughter in her hospital room, it took Evelyn a moment to notice that there were in fact two people in the room. ¡°And who¡¯s this?¡± She asked Sam. ¡°This is Eric, my, err¡­boyfriend.¡± Sam felt strange referring to Eric as her boyfriend. She¡¯d never done it before and now that she had the word sounded inadequate for describing what he was to her. ¡°Your boyfriend?¡± Evelyn asked, stunned. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°You have a boyfriend?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Evelyn needed a few seconds to digest the news that her introverted daughter had a boyfriend. ¡°Eric, hi, nice to meet you,¡± she said to him with an outstretched hand after she¡¯d recovered from her bewilderment. Eric stepped forward and shook Evelyn¡¯s proffered hand and reciprocated her ¡®nice to meet you¡¯ with an amiable smile. Like Sam the situation had him feeling shy and uneasy, not only because of the existence of their relationship coming to light but also because of how beautiful Evelyn was. ¡°How long have you two been seeing each other?¡± Evelyn asked, returning her attention to Sam. ¡°About five months,¡± Sam answered guiltily. ¡°Five months! How is that possible?!¡± ¡°On Saturdays when you go to work Eric and I spend the day together at our house.¡± Evelyn regarded her daughter and noticed a glow about her that she was seeing for the first time. Her daughter had gone through something special, she had fallen in love, and for five months she had been oblivious to it. She realized how invisible her daughter had been to her, that she had been invisible to her for years, her marvelous daughter who did nothing wrong and every day did her best for the both of them. Evelyn felt sick with herself for having ignored Sam for so long and couldn''t stop herself from crying at the realization of the fact that her daughter had grown up while she wasn''t looking. Sam, unsure as to what had provoked her mother''s reaction, did the only thing she could think to do and sat on the bed next to her and held her. Feeling increasingly like an intruder, Eric quietly slipped out of the room. Sam and her mother spoke in the room for well over an hour. Sam explained to her mother what she and Eric did on Saturdays to assuage her fears of them doing things that were untoward, and Evelyn, believing that her daughter was mature enough to hear the truth, told her the big secret that she''d been keeping from her, that her father had been cheating on her and that the woman that he''d been cheating on her with had been with him in the car and had also been killed in the accident. "Why didn''t you tell me?" Sam asked, beset by a multitude of emotions ranging from anger to disbelief. "Because it would''ve hurt you, I couldn''t do that to you." "How long did you know?" "Months." "And you said nothing?" Sam asked, to which Evelyn shook her head. Overwhelmed by sympathy for her mother, Sam broke down crying and needed her mother to hold her. The enormity of her mother''s sacrifice was more than she could bear. Had her mother not chosen to keep this from her things could have been so different, she could have been there for her more and they wouldn''t have lost the last eight years, precious time that they could never get back. Sam recounted her conversation with her mother to Eric on the bus ride home, hoping that after hearing all of it Eric would be understanding when she told him that she couldn''t run away with him like they''d talked about. "I know, but when I leave I''m going to make sure that I''m still close to you, so there''s nothing for you to worry about," Eric answered when she told him. His answer was, in truth, exactly what she expected. She trusted that he would always do whatever he needed to do to ensure her happiness, and given that, Sam felt that it was appropriate for them to take the last remaining step. They returned home and sat down in the lounge to watch a movie. Thirty minutes into the movie, Sam started kissing Eric on his neck. It was uncharacteristic for her, and Eric, caught off guard, did nothing. He left her to continue until she maneuvered herself on top of him, which, for Sam, was too out of character for him to ignore. "Sam, what are you doing?" "I want to do this." He understood what she was talking about, but couldn''t shake the feeling that her behavior was the product of her unsettled state of mind. "Why now?¡± ¡°Because I love you, and I want it to be with you.¡± Trusting that Sam wasn''t doing this for the wrong reasons, Eric assented with a nod of his head and they nervously made their way to Sam''s bedroom. Sam laid down on the bed on her back, putting herself in Eric''s hands. Terrified by the thought of hurting her, Eric proceeded with the utmost caution, stopping whenever Sam winced and continuing slower and gentler after being assured by her that she was okay. After losing her virginity, Sam felt a rush of emotion and succumbed to tears. "Are you okay?" Eric asked, fearing that she was in pain. "I''m fine, today''s just been a lot." Eric took Sam in his arms and they fell asleep with him holding her. He stayed with Sam just like he promised he would. He walked to her house after school and went with her to visit her mother in the evenings. During this time Sam looked as happy as Eric had seen her. She was worried about her mother but their conversations were drawing them closer and at home she had Eric, who, despite the trouble it could cause him with his parents, refused to leave her alone. They made love every night for four nights, and couldn''t imagine being any closer to each other. With Sam''s mother knowing about them things were going to change, but Eric knew that he and Sam were going to be fine. What he didn''t know, what he couldn''t possibly imagine, was what would happen if Sam''s mother were to die. 11. Descent, part 1 Descent, part 1 When the phone rang at nine o''clock at night Eric and Sam knew that it was most likely the hospital and that it was most likely bad news. They were in bed at the time; Eric went to answer the phone and Sam followed close behind him. She didn''t need to hear him say the words, the look on his face and the way he returned the phone to the receiver told her that the worst had come to pass, and she broke. Unreachable to Eric, he knelt by her side after she had put her hands to her head and collapsed to the floor in tears, hoping to be noticed by her and reached out to. She cried violently until she had nothing left to cry. Eric looked into her eyes and could see in them nothing that registered his presence. He could only wait and sat on the floor in front of her prepared to remain there for as long as it took for Sam to recover her senses. The look in her eyes frightened him. He sat and stared into them in search of the smallest flicker that would be a sign that Sam was still in there somewhere. Unable to stand just sitting and waiting, Eric took Sam''s hand in his and began quietly calling out her name. Indifferent to the amount of time passing, the numbness in his legs or the heretofore ineffectuality of his efforts, he called out to her tirelessly until he felt a twitch in his hand and saw a glimmer of consciousness in her eyes. She moved toward him listlessly and put her arms around him. From the frailty of her Eric knew that it was only a small piece of her that he had managed to retrieve and that it was going to be a long time before he had her back in one piece. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. 12. Descent, part 2 Descent, part 2 Evelyn died of liver failure, the result of her daily drinking. Eric couldn''t reconcile himself to the unfairness of it. Had it been his mother that had died Eric would not have felt the slightest prick of grief. Sam wasn''t like him, in fact she was nothing like him. Sam had no capacity for hate, she had develop no feelings of resentment toward her mother for the quality of their relationship. She had spent the years since her father died waiting and hoping for change, which, when it finally came, was cruelly taken away from her forever. Her mother''s death left Sam broken, and Eric terrified. For days he never left her side and when she slept he stayed awake and watched over her, often crying softly in the dark. His worry didn''t go unnoticed by Sam, and she felt terrible for what she was putting him through. She tried her best to at least appear as if she was improving but even that was more than she was capable of. She was drowning in her grief, and she couldn''t put Eric through the torture of waiting indefinitely for her to recover. Eric couldn''t maintain his vigil forever, and when he fell asleep having stayed awake for three days straight, Sam acted. Eric had only been asleep for less than two hours. When he woke up Sam wasn''t next to him in bed, and he heard the faint sound of running water. He went out into the hallway and saw the bathroom door closed and immediately feared that Sam had done something to herself. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°Sam?¡± He knocked on the door and called, without receiving a response. ¡°SAM?¡± He called louder, this time banging on the door with his fist. Again there was no response, just the sound of running water. ¡°SAM?!!¡± He tried to enter and discovered that the door was locked, sending a cold shiver throughout his body. Now convinced that Sam was in there and in trouble, Eric started kicking the door with all of his strength. He attacked the door relentlessly with his kicks until he succeeded in dislodging a hinge and could get a look inside, and what he saw caused him to attack the door with uncontrolled ferocity. He got inside the bathroom and wasted no time opening the shower door and pulling Sam out. She had slit her wrists and was unconscious. Eric knew that it was important he remain calm. He pulled the hand towel off the rail and tore it into two pieces and used them to tie off her wrists, then he removed his T-shirt and used it to tie her hands to the towel rail so the blood would run down her arms and away from the cuts. With Sam''s wounds taken care of he ran to call an ambulance and then returned to sit beside Sam in the bathroom while he waited for the paramedics to arrive. Having been repressing his emotions for days, Eric broke down and cried in a way that he hadn''t since the night when his mother had almost run him over. He had felt that Sam was slipping away from him and now he couldn''t help but feel like he''d lost her, that if she managed to survive she was never going to be the same Sam who had made him feel love deeper than he had thought possible. 13. Descent, part 3 Descent, part 3 Sam regained consciousness twenty hours later at 10 p.m. She wasn''t awake for long, only long enough to discern that she was somewhere other than home. The next time she awoke was ten hours later at 8 a.m. She took in her surroundings and quickly ascertained that she was in a hospital ward. A nurse came in to check on her and do a basic examination and was followed shortly after by Dr Richardson, a young female doctor. She sat down on the stool next to Sam''s bed and asked her how she was feeling and did her best to get Sam to talk to her, but Sam wasn''t interested in talking to anybody, all she could think about was how she was going to be able to face Eric after doing what she had done. He came to see her later that day at two o''clock in the afternoon. He had returned home earlier that morning and had gotten into a confrontation with his mother over his more than week long disappearance that had turned physical. Sam was laying on her side facing away from the door when Eric came into her room to visit her. ¡°Hey,¡± he said, feeling as uncertain as he did when he first spoke to her. Sam turned over and, upon seeing Eric and perceiving his nervousness, felt a rush of guilt that she fought to keep from breaking her. "Hi," she responded frailly, feeling so bad for what she had done to him that she couldn''t look at him. ¡°Are you okay?¡± He asked. ¡°Yeah, just tired is all.¡± They could think of nothing else to say to each other and the increasing tension created by the prolonged silence was too much for Sam to take. "I''m sorry...I''m so sorry," she said, breaking down. Eric sat on the bed next to her and gathered her up in his arms. Sam couldn''t stop crying and saying ''I''m sorry''. Her guilt was crushing her. She could think about nothing other than the purity of Eric''s love for her and the betrayal of that love that she had committed by doing what she''d done, and Eric holding her tightly to him and telling her that she had nothing to apologize for was making her feel worse. While walking past Sam''s ward Dr Richardson took a look inside and saw the scene between Sam and Eric and thought that Eric could be useful in helping her to reach Sam. He came to the hospital to visit her every day at eight in the morning and then again at two in the afternoon. After four days of failing to elicit a response of any kind from Sam, Dr Richardson waited for Eric at the entrance to the hospital and asked him to follow her to her office, where she told him that Sam wouldn''t speak to anyone and wasn''t eating. She had been the same in the days following her mother''s death, and Eric''s fear after listening to Dr Richardson was that Sam was still suicidal. Thinking that Dr Richardson seemed sincere, Eric decided to help her. Her main concern that she wanted Eric''s help with was getting Sam to eat something. Eric left her office to visit Sam in her ward and Dr Richardson arranged for food to be sent to Sam while Eric was there. When he arrived at her ward Sam had been waiting for him for thirty minutes. Eric hadn''t been late to visit her once and his lateness on this occasion had caused Sam to entertain the possibility that he wasn''t coming. She was anxious and suspicious, and grew more so when a nurse brought in a food tray for her shortly after Eric had arrived. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. "Are you hungry?" Eric asked her. She was looking very shaky, and Eric questioned whether to go through with this. "No, I''m still full from breakfast." She was lying to him, something which they had promised never to do to each other. ¡°What did you have?¡± He asked tentatively. ¡°Some scrambled eggs.¡± ¡°Even so,¡± he proceeded cautiously, ¡°do you think you could eat some of this?¡± ¡°Why, when I¡¯m not hungry?¡± ¡°I worry about you not eating enough.¡± Eric''s admission of his concern for her made Sam feel horrible about lying to him and she could feel herself being consumed by her anxiety. ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t I?¡± ¡°You think I¡¯m lying to you?¡± Sam said indignantly, the result of her losing control of herself. "I know you''re not eating." "Who told you that?" "Dr Richardson told me." "You''ve been talking to her behind my back?" "I spoke to her just now for the first time, she was waiting for me at the entrance." "And you two talked about me?" "She said you''re not showing any signs of improvement, and she asked me if I''d be willing to try and get you to eat something." "Why did you believe everything she said? Because you don''t trust me? Is that why you want me to eat this?" "I want you to eat because I want you to get better. Why won''t you eat anything?" ¡°BECAUSE I CAN¡¯T!¡± Sam screamed, grabbing the serving tray and throwing it against the wall, shattering the plate contained within it. Eric looked at Sam and had to hold back tears. She looked to him to be broken beyond repair. He put his arm around her and drew her close to him; Sam nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder and cried. Eric could make no sense of their future. The future with Sam that he hoped for, that he had been working for, now seemed far out of his reach. He was powerless to do anything but be there for her and wait, and hope. 14. Descent, part 4 Descent, part 4 After three weeks in the psychiatric ward at St Augustine''s hospital, it was decided that the best thing for Sam would be to transfer her to White Oaks, a permanent mental health facility. Eric had protested the decision with Dr Richardson and pleaded with her to let him take her but her answer, as always, was that she couldn''t. Dr Richardson offered to drive Sam to White Oaks personally and invited Eric to join them. Eric and Sam sat together in the backseat of Dr Richardson''s car, with Eric keeping his arm around Sam and Sam keeping her head against Eric for the entire drive. Dr Richardson kept looking at them in her rear-view mirror, and considered seriously whether Sam would in fact be better off with Eric. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. To his relief White Oaks was a lot better than he was expecting it to be. Nevertheless, Sam being put in such a place still left him feeling like he had failed her completely. He helped her to get settled in her room and when it was time for him to leave, Sam threw her arms around him and gave him a hug that felt like a plea not to leave, which, as much as it hurt, he couldn''t fulfill. For only the third time, Sam saw tears falling down Eric''s face, evidence of the suffering that she was causing him for which she couldn''t forgive herself. 15. Descent, part 5 Descent, part 5 Just like he had done when she was at St Augustine''s, Eric visited Sam every day unfailingly. For five months he made the two hour journey that required him to take two buses and walk thirty minutes to the hospital. Nothing had changed during Sam''s five months at White Oaks. She had continued refusing to eat and had become frighteningly emaciated. If ever he went to visit Sam and she was wearing a long sleeve it was because she had bruises on her arms from fighting the feeding tube. Eric''s hope had mostly faded. Sam wasn''t going to get better at White Oaks, and her psychiatrist, Dr Morton, wouldn''t let Eric take her home with him. He couldn''t give up on her, his love for her had not diminished, and she was all he had. At home he received a stream of verbal abuse from his mother every day about him leaving the house for hours every day without telling them where he was going and for not doing anything with his life having graduated from high school. There was only one thing that Eric cared about, and that was Sam. A moment didn''t go by when he wasn''t thinking about her and what he could do to stop her from leaving herself to waste away. Every time he visited her he played her favorite songs for her on the piano in the communal room and they spent most of their time talking about her favorite books, all of which Eric had read in a matter of weeks. He thought that by showing her that he had become the person that she had always wanted him to be it would prove to her how much he loved her and that she had no need to fear him ever leaving her like her parents had, but all Sam thought about was how she was holding him back from getting on with his life and the trouble that was causing for him with his parents. For months she had been asking herself if Eric wouldn''t be better off without her, and the more of his intelligence that was revealed by his reading the more guilty she felt about being so much of a burden on him. Her guilt grew over time and the tension within her kept growing until one day it became too much. Since she had arrived at White Oaks, Sam had never felt as if there was going to be a moment in the near future when she was going to return to normal. She wished that he would stop coming to see her and get on with his life, but every day at one o''clock in the afternoon she sat at her window and watched the entrance hoping to see him, and every day at two o''clock he would arrive. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. The day that it all became too much for Sam it was cloudy and windy. Eric entered the gates of White Oaks at two o''clock like clockwork, wearing jeans and a black hooded jacket. Sam, wearing a green jersey, ran down from her room to meet him at the entrance to the hospital like she did every time he came to visit. The sight of Sam''s emaciated body perturbed Eric every time he saw her, which he concealed, and when he hugged her he did so with care. They walked through the communal room and out into the treed courtyard, which felt more private. Once outside, Eric removed his jacket and gave it to Sam, who was shivering in her jersey. They sat down on one of the wooden benches, and after a few moments of silence Sam started their conversation by asking him if anything new had happened at home and Eric told her that yesterday his father had extricated himself from his depression and was waiting for him in the living room when he returned home to talk about his future. "What did you do?" "I left, I walked around until midnight." "Eric, why don''t you just leave? You have the money, you were supposed to do it as soon as you were done with school." "I can''t, not without you." Hearing him say that, Sam got up off the bench and walked a few paces away from him. Because of her his life had become nothing but suffering, and for as long as she was like this he would go on enduring it, because he loved her. ¡°Sam what is it?¡± Eric got out of his seat on the bench and asked, alarmed by the suddenness of the breakdown that she was having. ¡°I don¡¯t understand,¡± Sam choked out, battling to maintain control of herself. ¡°What don¡¯t you understand?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t understand why you don¡¯t hate me. My father cared about my mother and I so little that he went off and got himself killed with another woman, my mother cared about me so little that she spent eight years drinking herself to death, and now here I am stopping you from getting on with your life; why don¡¯t you hate me for that?¡± Eric could think of nothing to say in response to Sam asking him why he didn''t hate her. He stood and looked at her crying and felt for the first time since she had attempted suicide six months ago that Sam was in a place where he couldn''t reach her, that no amount of time and effort would change that. He walked over to her, put his hand on her shoulder, turned her toward him and held her. He couldn''t accept that she was lost to him. It didn''t matter to him what he had to endure at home or how much it hurt to see Sam in the condition that she was in, he would wait. 16. Alone Alone Because of the dreams that he had on a nightly basis, Eric slept until noon every day. He had different dreams every night, all of them with one thing in common: they were all about Sam. Following her suicide at White Oaks, both Dr Richardson and Dr Morton had offered him their support. Still convinced that Sam would have been okay if she had been with him, Eric had no intention of taking either up on their offer. While awake, Eric tried to spend as much time away from home as he could. Stephanie had returned with her child, and, as expected, Michael was beyond thrilled to have his daughter back, and grew increasingly incensed by his son''s apathy. To get away from it all Eric left the house and didn''t return until late at night when everybody was asleep. He spent his time while aimlessly walking the streets going over in his mind everything that had led up to Sam''s suicide, in particular the final two weeks. Sam had committed suicide by overdosing on tablets that she had been cheeking. After her breakdown in the courtyard Sam had seemed different, like she''d finally turned a corner, and Eric had allowed himself to believe that the worst was finally over. Dr Morton warned him not to get his hopes up, that momentary upturns were common in psychiatric patients. Eric kept thinking about those two weeks, about whether, in his eagerness to believe that Sam was on her way to getting better, he had missed things that he otherwise would have noticed. His thoughts kept his mind occupied for hours while he walked, until he invariably ended up at Sam''s house. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. He arrived at Sam''s house one night having left his house hours earlier upon overhearing a conversation between his sister and his father about whether something drastic would need to be done to get Eric to start doing something with his life. Ordinarily he just stood on the street and looked at Sam''s house, but this night was different. He entered the yard, opened the front door with his key, entered the house and, without putting on any lights, made his way to the piano. The few times that he had entered the house in the two months since Sam''s suicide he had sat at the piano and played for hours. This time he sat down at the piano and started by playing Debussy''s Reverie, Sam''s favorite piece. It was the piece that Eric had worked the hardest to master, and nearly every time he went to visit her Sam asked him to play it for her. He played the notes slowly, the way Sam liked it. He played roughly half of the song and stopped. He couldn''t go on playing due to his hands shaking, and when he put them to his face he felt copious tears that he didn''t know he was crying. Being in the house that was the repository of his best memories with Sam and playing the piece of music that meant the most to her was too much for him to bear, and with his emotions overwhelming him, his inability to continue living without Sam was inescapable. He left himself to cry and waited for his composure to return before leaving Sam''s house and walking back home. It was 11 p.m. when he arrived back at his house. The lights in the house were mostly off; everybody had repaired to their rooms, making it safe for him to enter, which he did without the slightest inkling of fear or doubt about the decision that he had made to end his life.