《The Darkness Beyond》 Chapter 1: Jim I do not own Star Trek, or any of the related characters. This story is intended for entertainment purposes only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of Star Trek belong to Paramount Global.
The sudden gleam of Yorktown¡¯s vibrantly orange sunset on the unnatural river¡¯s glassy water forced my eyes to blink rapidly as I attempted to keep listening to Spock¡¯s endless stream of information about our next mission. How in the hell did he know so much already? A useless question I didn¡¯t dare verbalize. No need to instigate a Vulcan and a man who had a real knack for being a giant pain in my ass no matter what the situation or subject might be. With a deceptive nod to at least suggest that I might be listening, my eyes wandered among the dozens of people who lingered near the river¡¯s edge. Some stopped to admire the architectural marvel of the modern riverwalk, others were running after gleeful children that were playing an admirably chaotic game of tag. Man-made nature. Families. I ran my hand through my hair and gave another half-hearted nod for Spock¡¯s sake. Only a week had passed since Bones had thrown me a surprise birthday party that I didn¡¯t want, but was ultimately glad I got. It helped prolong the sense of accomplishment and pride that came along with rescuing my stranded crew and preventing Yorktown from being destroyed by Krall, or as we came to know him later, Balthazar Edison. Another bout of brief glory, along with the constant expressions of gratitude and admiration from fellow crew members and the inhabitants of Yorktown. A feeling that almost seemed like happiness, almost like contentment, faded in just a week. A week. Before, it had lasted me months. But now, heading to our debriefing for our next mission aboard the rebuilt Enterprise, my intense loathing of going back into deep space seemed to be a looming presence walking right beside me. The borderline impairing, intense loneliness had peaked just before our last mission. I was ready to be promoted to Vice Admiral and leave the endless days of exploring deep space behind me. Maybe being grounded in Yorktown would have offered me more clarity, more stability. But I had turned down the position just over a week ago while I was still high on the glory of our last mission. Now, watching the couples and families stroll along the symmetrically patterned stone bank of the river, I was already regretting my choice to stay onboard as captain of the Enterprise. How was I going to be an optimist about this? Just as Bones and Spock started to ascend the stairs that lead to headquarters for our meeting, the last searing light of the waning sunset drew my eyes to the near white blonde hair of a woman standing by the river. Her face was downcast towards the water. I could¡¯ve sworn her shoulders shook slightly. She stood alone, far away from the couples and ruckus of the families further along the riverbank. My feet carried me down the steps and towards her before I even really knew what the hell I planned on doing. ¡°Jim, where the hell are you going? We¡¯re gonna be late as it is. You can get space ice afterwards!¡± I waved Bones off over my shoulder and kept my eyes on the woman leaning against the railing on her elbows. ¡°I¡¯ll be right back!¡± ¡°Captain, it isn¡¯t wise to keep the commander waiting.¡± Spock¡¯s logic was met with my silence. As I neared the woman, I slowed my pace and took in her appearance. Civilian clothes, cheeks clearly tear stained. Light, near golden skin. Her hair just a few shades lighter. Everything about her seemed warm. Oddly familiar. I squinted in the fading light as I stood just feet away from her. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°I know you.¡± Her posture instantly stiffened at my statement, but she remained leaned over the railing, her gaze locked onto the quietly flowing river. She spoke without looking at me. ¡°James T. Kirk.¡± I blinked a few times at her quick recognition of who I was based solely on hearing me speak. The quality of her voice matched her appearance ¡ª warm, light, and again, oddly familiar. Of course she knew who I was. Considering my name was plastered everywhere in space that the Federation touched. Especially here, on Yorktown, where my name and video footage of me speaking was still being played on every available screen in the wake of everyone¡¯s near annihilation. ¡°I know you. Did we go to the academy together? We did, didn¡¯t we? You kicked my ass in a combat class¡­¡± She remained leaning over the railing, dropping her head slightly and speaking with a tinge of sadness. ¡°That was a long time ago.¡± ¡°I remember you. I could never forget. Aria, right? You really kicked my ass. What are you doing now? I don¡¯t remember seeing you at the academy after that year.¡± I had very unintentionally struck a nerve. Moving much quicker than I anticipated, she was suddenly standing in front of me, just inches away with her arms crossed in front of her chest. Interestingly enough, she wore a leather jacket similar to the one I wore. The last of the fading light caught the lingering residue of tears on her flushed cheeks. She didn¡¯t move to wipe them away. ¡°What do you want?¡± ¡°You caught my eye. I knew we had met before. Plus, you seem upset ¡ª¡± ¡°Jim! Are you out of your damn mind? You can flirt later! We like having jobs, you know!¡± With a sneer of aggravation I cocked my head to one side. Bones¡¯ voice cut across the entire riverfront. People were turning and looking from every direction. ¡°Give me ONE SECOND Bones.¡± I took a step towards her, closing the gap between us. Even her eyes were golden. Red with stress and crying, but still a honeyed gold. I couldn¡¯t read her expression. Irritated? Mostly irritated. Maybe a little intrigued, though. And that¡¯s what I bet on as I found the right words to say and trudged ahead. ¡°Are you free later? In a couple of hours? I just have this meeting to go to, but I would really like to hear more about you. And I apologize for my cohort''s lack of manners. It seems that harassing me is irresistible.¡± Her arms shifted ever so slightly as she continued to stare up at me with those mesmerizing, golden eyes that were filled with apprehension. There also seemed to be disbelief there, like she was finding it hard to comprehend that I was actually standing right in front of her. I could nearly see the ping-ponging of thoughts going on in her head. Go, don''t go. Go, don''t go. Her eyes squinted as she took me in, her jaw clenching and unclenching before finally responding. ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll see you in two hours at the Fueling Hole across from the academy. I think I can help you with your little harassment problem from your friend over there, too.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s just that he thinks that I can¡¯t just talk to a woman without it being ¡ª¡± ¡°You are the WORST!¡± And then I was being slapped. Hard. Before I had time to recover from the shock of the blow, her hands were on my jacket and I was being flipped over the railing and into the shallow water of the artificial river. My back slammed into the glass bottom before I righted myself quickly, frantically popping up and out of the water. She was gone. Nowhere to be seen on the riverwalk. I clambered up and over the railing as the piercing eyes of startled strangers watched as I walked back to where Bones and Spock stood. Bones looked legitimately concerned, while Spock could¡¯ve been contemplating quantum physics or how he would logically berate me for causing us to be late. ¡°Thanks for the assist there, Bones.¡± ¡°Good god, man. You really need to try flowers once in a while, Jim.¡± I squished past them with my sopping wet clothes, making sure to wipe some of the water off my face hard enough to hit both of them with it. My appearance would at least serve as a conversation starter, right? At this point I didn¡¯t think there was much I could do to phase the commander. I couldn¡¯t even find it in myself to even really be mad at Aria. All I could think about was getting this meeting over with and going to see her again. The woman who kicked my ass three years ago, and who didn¡¯t hesitate to kick my ass again. Chapter 2: Aria I managed to maintain my composure as I walked past the captain¡¯s companions. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see disbelief and a bit of humor cross the perpetually annoyed man¡¯s face, Bones, while keeping his eyes on Kirk as he splashed about in the river. The Vulcan, however, kept his intense, critical gaze locked onto me as I strode past. As soon as I rounded the corner and was clear of the two Starfleet officers, I brought my hands up to my forehead near my hairline and shook my head in disbelief. Kirk. Captain James T. Kirk. Of the U.S.S. Enterprise. The man whose adventures and endeavors across space had been consuming me for the past year. He had approached me. Out of nowhere. At one of my most disgraceful lows. Throughout our entire, albeit brief, conversation, I could barely look him in the eye. Or even at his face. When you spend a year idolizing someone, seeing their face plastered all over every screen in the city and reading about every mission and every bit of news about their crew and ship ¡­ I was derailed. Taller than I imagined. Sturdier than I imagined. I could never have prepared myself for how piercing his blue eyes were ¡ª as if making eye contact wasn¡¯t already hard enough. His features were idyllic and edged with something that made him look and feel stoic. I was thoroughly ashamed at the heat that ran through me when I first turned to face him. My pale skin would¡¯ve shown every last bit of reddish pigment flushing my cheeks. Sure I knew him from the academy. Knew of him. He was a lot different back then ¡ª or at least I assumed different. Womanizer. Troublemaker. Always running his mouth and subsequently paying the price for it. He happened to be touring my combat class on one of my ¡­ off days. One of my dark, fuming, pretty damn pissed off days. The instructor had asked Kirk if he¡¯d like for one of the students to demonstrate the skills taught in the course. Of course he accepted the offer, and raised the stakes to actually partake in combat with one of the students, rather than just observe. My instructor called upon me, because he knew how to teach the cocky, smirking cadet a lesson about showmanship for showmanship¡¯s sake. The memory of him standing across from me in his untrained, laughable bar-fighting posture was strangely clear in my mind. There was a wily look in his tired blue eyes. But I wasn¡¯t interested in pretty boys who feigned superiority. I wanted to ground him in his inferiority. And I did. Easily. He tried to throw clever comments at me, tried to hit on me and bring my guard down. I just stared back at him, waiting for the most embarrassing moment to take him down. It only took me three seconds. My forearm pinned his neck to the ground as I crouched over his torso. Shock with a tinge of fear swam in his blue eyes as he stared up at me, gasping for air. That was nearly six years ago, and I had no idea how much of that cocky cadet remained. Perhaps some remnants of his past self still lingered, but when I had looked into his eyes now, they were impossible to read. No doubt forever changed by all he had witnessed and accomplished over the years. It seemed that he was less energetic than his younger self, perhaps dimmed by what he had endured as captain of the Enterprise. But that was mere speculation from the few moments I spent interacting with him and what I¡¯d gleaned from how Starfleet touted him every chance they got. Just as I was nearing the entrance of the bar, I paused and shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. With a deep breath, I considered what would, or could happen in the coming hours as I stared up at the neon sign that advertised the Fueling Hole in all of it¡¯s too-on-the-nose glory. Captain James T. Kirk would meet me at this bar. To, to what ¡ª to talk? To try and take me home? His intentions were beyond my comprehension. What was I supposed to tell him? That I had been obsessing over him and his crew''s missions over the years? That I had idolized his life and the purpose he had seemed to find? That I was a Starfleet dropout looking to try and re-enter the academy only to probably end up failing again? My head throbbed against all the thoughts swirling around relentlessly in my mind. Without another second of overthinking agony, I strode in through the automatic doors and grabbed a stool at the near-full bar, sitting down with an audible sigh. The all-too familiar bartender approached as I folded my arms and leaned onto the shiny metal surface that reflected my tired face back up at me. My eyes remained downcast at my image in the bar top as a glass of my favorite whiskey appeared in front of my arms. ¡°Looks like you could probably use a few of those, but we¡¯ll start there.¡± I nodded and slammed the whiskey, silently communicating my approval. He was already pouring another. ¡°Long day?¡± ¡°Long day. Long night, and it¡¯s not even close to being over.¡± Stolen story; please report. ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± I held the second full glass of whiskey in my hands and contemplated the night ahead, still in utter shock that it was in fact my night. ¡°I¡¯m meeting up with someone later.¡± ¡°Wow, really? You always drink alone.¡± Shooting him a look of intense disdain, I tipped back the second whiskey. ¡°I drink with some of the cadets.¡± ¡°Begrudgingly.¡± ¡°But I still do it from time to time.¡± ¡°But this is a planned meeting. Must be pretty special, eh?¡± I stared into the empty glass between my hands. Special. Or, you know, slowly crippling me into a hollow shell of anxiety. How pathetic. ¡°Special. Yeah.¡± With that, he patted the shiny metal bar top in front of me and then slid down to take other patrons orders. I glanced down at the watch on my wrist. Only an hour and forty five minutes to go. That is, if he showed up. With a slight shake of my head, I tried to push all thoughts, negative and semi-positive alike, out of my mind. I focused on observing those sitting at the bar. Some looked to be on first dates. Others looked to be chatting animatedly with good friends. No one else was drinking alone. Just me. Soon, for the first time in countless years, I hoped I would be drinking with someone who might actually end up mattering.
Fifteen minutes. Either fifteen minutes late, or fifteen minutes of me returning to the reality of my life before that damn encounter with that damn captain. Maybe I had imagined it. Maybe I was actually delusional and experiencing full-on hallucinations. I gave my face a fierce rub and raised my hand reflexively to summon the bartender. It was time for my fourth whiskey. Two when I got to the bar, one fifteen minutes ago, and one to finally push me towards starting to forget about the entire unfortunate string of events that had led me to this exact moment. Just as the bartender set down the whiskey in front me and opened his mouth to no doubt offer his sympathy, several cheers erupted from behind me. My entire body tensed at the sudden shift in the bar¡¯s atmosphere. I could make out ¡®captains¡¯ and ¡®Kirks¡¯ in the sea of sound. I gripped the drink in my hand tightly. The bartender raised his eyebrows at the commotion and then smiled as he recognized who had caused the ruckus. I watched, amused as his brows furrowed while he made the highly unlikely connection, turning his head towards me with several dozen questions burning in his eyes as his mouth dropped open ¡ª but he would not get the chance to interrogate me for answers. Not yet, anyways. ¡°Captain Kirk, to what do we owe the pleasure?¡± Of course he was going to be a smug, brown-nosing prick about it. My eyes rolled so hard into the back of my skull that I could¡¯ve seen my brain. So much for a tip. ¡°Oh, just stopping in to meet with one of our academy¡¯s alumni.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not an alumni. And you¡¯re late.¡± I threw back the whiskey and set the empty glass back down on the bar with a little too much force. A hairline crack danced up the side of the glass. The captain spoke again, his voice wavering between being impressed and surprised. ¡°We¡¯ll take two more of those.¡± ¡°Whiskey neat, you got it.¡± The intensity of the captain''s raised eyebrows was perceptible without needing to shift to look at him. Several people were still coming up and patting Kirk on the back, offering him their thanks for his most recent success of saving Yorktown, or simply just wanting to say hello. The dull thrumming from earlier returned to my skull as the bartender brought over two more whiskeys. ¡°Why don¡¯t we move somewhere with a little less ... people, huh?¡± My jaw was clenched tightly as I nodded in silent agreement and stood up, drink in hand, to head to the back of the bar. There was an upper loft that no one ever used because it was too far away from the alcohol and buzzing action of the crowd. I walked up to the table in the far corner, tucked away from the railing so no one could see us from the lower level. Several people had said hello as we traversed across the bar ¡ª an interaction that was foreign to me. I sat down at the table as he lingered down on the lower level, interacting with the grateful cadets and citizens of Yorktown. I felt thousands of miles away from any kind of comfort zone that I may have been clinging to before. Resisting the urge to slam the whiskey in my grasp, the overplayed popular music pulsing throughout the bar enticed my foot to start tapping, and as I looked around, the lights began to blur slightly. I leaned onto my forearms and waited for the ever-popular captain to take his seat while trying to get in control of my buzz. When he finally appeared at the top of the staircase, my heart tripped and stuttered for a moment as it punched into my chest. For the first time since he had come into the bar, I fully took in the captain. He was dressed in his formal commander uniform, the collar undone, drink in his hand, hair slightly mussed. I tried my damnedest to picture how I kicked his ass so many years ago, to remember how much his cocky and disrespectful attitude filled me with such rage, tried to think of him floundering in the shallow water of the river earlier ¡­ But my mind came up empty, and I couldn¡¯t see past the handsome man before me. A man whose proven bravery and leadership commanded the attention of the entire room. I felt incredibly small, and it had nothing to do with existing on this spec of a starbase in the vastness of endless space. Chapter 3: Jim Navigating through the crowded bar proved to be unavoidably time consuming. It was increasingly difficult to go anywhere without being thanked or chatted with, and I did my best to keep moving, but always found it impossible to cut off people who were just trying to be grateful or nice. The uniform didn¡¯t help. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb. When I finally reached the top of the staircase, I was met with a sharp, unreadable golden gaze. Annoyed? Definitely. Apprehensive? Also likely. She took in my appearance, probably reliving her handiwork from earlier at the riverwalk. I offered her a lighthearted smirk and walked over to take my seat across from her. Imitating her prepared posture, I leaned forward on my forearms and took a swing of whiskey. ¡°You have good taste in drinks.¡± ¡°You¡¯re late.¡± ¡°Well, the admiral thought it best that I change due to my ... sogginess.¡± ¡°No wonder you were stopped every two feet.¡± ¡°Comes with the territory.¡± Her gaze grew more critical as I squinted back at her and settled into my forearms. I was curious to see how long it would take before she finally began answering any questions about herself. All she had given me were dramatically vague statements about her life since our brief encounter at the academy all those years ago. The dim lighting softened her hard features, keeping a perpetual smirk tugging at my lips. She truly was unlike any woman I had seen before. My memory of her back from the academy was nothing like the person sitting before me. She seemed darker then, troubled. Now she just seemed closed off, shutting out everyone and everything around her. Clearing my head and focusing on the present, I opted to jump in where she had left off when I had first approached her at the bar to see just how far I could get. ¡°So you¡¯re not an alumni? You didn¡¯t graduate from the academy? I could¡¯ve sworn you were in my class ¡­¡± Her eyes darted away from me as soon as the question left my mouth. Picking a spot on the floor to stare at, she spoke in a quieter tone, although equally as matter-of-fact as before. ¡°I dropped out during my first year. It would seem that I didn¡¯t have an ¡­ expertise.¡± ¡°But you kicked my ass spectacularly. How is combat not a speciality? I mean I know we aren¡¯t militarized, but ¡ª ¡± ¡°Because Starfleet isn¡¯t looking for thugs to put on their vessels. They want people with real skill, real intelligence. I am no engineer, no scientist, no language expert, no leader. My skill set is obviously insufficient.¡± Her eyes flickered back to me as she finished enunciating insufficient with sharp, deliberate inflection. There was no mistaking the thick venom that dripped from her words, and I was caught off guard by her sudden outpouring of personal information. She had seemed so cautious, so protected. I eyed the empty glass in front of her. Liquid courage. I wondered what number she was on. She was relaxing, for better or for worse. ¡°Combat skills are necessary on any vessel. So what if you don¡¯t have a specialty? I experienced your skill firsthand. It takes an incredible amount of discipline and awareness to become that lethal. And I have no doubt in my mind that you¡¯re even more effective now. I¡¯d gladly welcome you into my crew.¡± With a scoff, she twirled the empty glass around in her hand. A flush was rising in her cheeks. I took another long sip of whiskey. Her gaze flicked back up to me. It felt as though she had leaned in closer. Then, I saw her smile for the first time. It revealed an easy, natural beauty, something that was always partially masked by a scowl or indifferent facade. I wanted to make her smile again. And again. Just to see her come out of that guarded, jaded shell. But the smile only served as an ironic backdrop for her words. ¡°I have had no advocates in the academy. No one wants to see me succeed. You see, unlike you, and the majority of the other graduates from the academy, I have no heroic or affluent ancestry. No connections that make me valuable. I¡¯m an unknown space mutt.¡± Taking a deep breath and then exhaling through my lips, I slid the rest of my drink across the table to her, and in one fluid, anticipatory motion, she picked up the glass and finished it off with one swig. I gathered my words carefully, not wanting to overstep any boundaries while still offering my support. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I can¡¯t speak to not knowing where you came from. I am painfully aware of who I am and who came before me. That¡¯s a whole other issue in and of itself. But you have a chance to reinvent yourself. Create your own path without someone or something laying it all out for you. I actually came from a similar situation. Not exact, but ¡­ definitely similar.¡± Pausing in an effort to gauge her interest and irritation level, I watched as she folded her arms across her chest and sunk back into that critical gaze of hers. I remained leaning forward on my forearms even though she retreated back into her own space. This was a game I was not used to playing. The women I met, usually in bars, were usually testing how smooth I could be. How sexy I could make them feel. Aria was testing what kind of man I was, if I had changed ¡ª and I wanted to prove her wrong. Usually I would¡¯ve just let her think what she wanted and not bothered at all. But the man I was in years past was not the man I had been recently. I reveled in the opportunity to show someone that, to prove it to them. There was a strong, unexplainable force in me that wanted her in particular to see that. ¡°I was a scrubby, lazy kid in Iowa. A Starfleet captain, who was a great man, happened upon my sorry ass during a bar fight. Fortunately for me, he knew my father. A much better man than I could ever possibly be. He offered me a chance. He pushed me. I was well on my way to being a nobody. But you, you are much better off than I ever was. You¡¯re strong, you''re skilled. Don¡¯t let those Starfleet stiffs convince you of anything different. Hell, if I can do it, you can do it a thousand times better.¡± She was quick to respond this time; although she remained sitting back in her chair, in her own space, her eyes resting on me heavily. ¡°You don¡¯t know me.¡± ¡°I have known you. Not well, but what are the odds that we run into each other so many years after the academy? Space is big. We could¡¯ve ended up anywhere.¡± I was leaning further forward in my chair now, the urgency to make her see what I saw in her growing by the second. Was it the couple sips of whiskey? Why did I want to take her firmly by the shoulders as I spoke? It felt as if touching her would help drive my point home. And, for a repeat offender womanizer like myself, it would also be a glaring, fatal mistake. Fighting the urge to get any closer to her, I settled for leaning onto my arms a bit more and fixing my eyes firmly onto hers. ¡°Look ¡ª it was obvious that you were upset earlier down by the river. Anyone could see that. It¡¯s so easy to fall into that helplessness sometimes. But you deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be a part of Starfleet. And you deserve to not scowl so damn much. And dammit,¡± I slapped my hand down on the table for dramatic effect, ¡°I¡¯m going to try to do just that.¡± A look of uncertainty mixed with confusion washed over her face. I raised my eyebrows in response and cocked my head to the side, anticipating her response. A waitress approached our table with two more whiskeys. ¡°For you and ... your friend, captain. On the house.¡± I offered my thanks and moved to slide the drink over to Aria. She stopped my hand mid-slide, leaning back over the table. Her hand was surprisingly cool, and rough with callouses. I couldn¡¯t help but raise my eyebrows even higher as my own shock grew from having a woman in a bar touch me first. Her flushed face was only inches from mine now. Was that a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips? I tried to contain my smile as I took in my small victory. ¡°You have some catching up to do, Captain.¡± With a chuckle, I offered a nod of agreement and raised both glasses in the air. ¡°Here¡¯s to scowling less and carving out our own damn paths.¡± The only acknowledgement she offered me was a slight dip of her chin and that barely-a-smirk, not-really-a-smile. I took a quick breath and slammed the first whiskey. Yep. That burned. With a slight pucker and wince I downed the second, letting out a whoop after I slammed the glass down. A chuckle met my ears. An actual chuckle. She quickly went stone faced as I beamed back at her. ¡°So, Captain ¡ª ¡± ¡°Jim. Please call me Jim.¡± She raised an eyebrow and leaned back onto the table, closing the gap between us again. ¡°So, Jim, let¡¯s hear about all your adventures in space. I mean, reading about it is one thing. But hearing it from the man himself ¡­¡± ¡°Oh god, where to begin ¡­¡± ¡°I believe I remember hearing something about you committing mutiny aboard the Enterprise and subsequently being stranded on a planet of ice?¡± There was that faint smirk again. And the flush in her cheeks was definitely more rosy. I smiled and started down the road of telling one of my favorite stories ¡ª which meant doing a lot of talking with my hands. At least I was back in my comfort zone now. I could talk about my crew and our endeavors for hours. I had done it countless times before. But this time ¡­ this time it was different. Hopefully it would convince her to give Starfleet another go. All I could do was hope and try and make this count. And talk with my hands ¡ª a lot. ¡°Now, actually, the acting captain of the ship at the time was my logical-to-a-fault, mostly-enemy-at-the-time-now-friend Spock, who made a ¡­¡± Hope. That¡¯s all I could do was offer her these stories, my stories. Hope that had eluded me day after day recently, but may somehow just find its way to her yet. Chapter 4: Aria Bar close? How could it possibly be bar close? The sound of artificial lasers rang out through the crowded room, signaling that it was one in the morning and patrons needed to be on their way. Jim had spent hours, hours, talking about his time with Starfleet. And I truthfully had enjoyed every second of it. He was so animated, so passionate about all of his experiences. It was making my reconsideration of joining the academy again swing towards a cautionary yes. I wanted it all. The adventure. The purpose. The camaraderie. Jim was a living testament to everything the experience could be for me. The risk of failing again paled in comparison to continuing on my current path of loneliness and constant resentment. I walked a few steps behind Jim as we exited the bar with other merry patrons of the Fueling Hole, all of whom were now just a little too drunk to acknowledge the captain¡¯s presence. There were a few whiskeys still sitting in my stomach as I caught up and started walking besides Jim. We had eventually caved and put in for an order of galactic nachos, but that had been hours ago. Minus the churning of chips, cheese and whiskeys in my gut, I felt lighter. Optimistic even. Lighter than I had been at the river this afternoon. Lighter than when I came to the bar. Jim brought such an ease to conversation. He wasn¡¯t measuring me up or trying to assess what exact purpose I would fulfill. He just wanted to talk. Enjoy my company. I still couldn¡¯t wrap my mind around his seemingly selfless desire to spend time with me, of all people. Jim suddenly slowed to a stop beside me. My heart picked up speed as it had earlier when I had first laid eyes on him in the bar. He still looked unnervingly handsome in his uniform, even in its disheveled state. I wanted to reach out and smooth some of the wrinkles on his chest, around his collar. Why, I didn¡¯t quite know. He had proven to me tonight that he was capable of being more than a womanizer in a fancy uniform. There were countless stories he shared of protecting his crew, and doing all that he could to be a leader that they could trust and support. He had been through several life changing predicaments over the years ¡ª it made my stagnant, aimless life seem quite hollow in comparison. So when he stopped walking and a conflicted expression crossed his face for just a flicker of a moment, I was truly unsure of what was going to happen next, of what words might come out of his mouth. ¡°I know this will sound nothing but bad, but I¡¯m going to say it anyway. Would you like to come back to my place? Please?¡± Oh no. And here was the moment I had been dreading. The very moment I had pushed to the farthest corner of my mind, ever since he had approached me at the riverwalk. Of course all he wanted was to pursue his own pleasure ¡ª he just wanted to take me home. All those animated stories ... How had I let him convince me otherwise so easily? I was a conquest. The next name to add to his long, long list. Disappointment shot up in my chest when I fully expected a hot wave of anger. Odd. ¡°Jim, I really should just go ¡ª ¡¯ ¡°No, no, no, no, no, it¡¯s not like that. I promise you, Aria. It¡¯s not.¡± His hands were moving, palms facing outward towards me as he pleaded his case. ¡°It¡¯s just, I would really rather not be alone, and I really just enjoy your company. I do. Please trust me. Please.¡± I blinked up at him, my eyebrows drawn together, wondering when he had taken a step closer to me. All that damn whiskey ¡­ His blue eyes were searching my face rather frantically. What was he looking for? He was a notorious womanizer. How could I be so dumb and just fall into this trap? But after tonight, after just listening to him talk and having him listen to what I had to say, and with the whiskey still coursing through me ¡­ ¡°Alright, alright. I¡¯ll go to your place. But not for long, Jim, Ok? I¡¯m supposed to be getting my life together, not be out until all hours of the night like some freshman cadet.¡± ¡°I promise you, you will be home ¡­ before the sun comes up?¡± He stuck out his hand in the small space between us. I reached out and gave it a firm shake, his hand completely engulfing mine. Warm, calloused. I couldn¡¯t tell who let the handshake linger on. He turned back towards the winding sidewalk, pausing to offer me the crook of his arm. I cocked my head in sheer confusion. ¡°Well? Shall we?¡± He offered me a smile that made it hard for me to tell him that I had no clue what exactly this gesture meant. Was he just being a gentleman? We were just going to talk, right? Enjoy each other¡¯s company in a platonic way? Before the moment could drag on any longer, I cautiously slid my arm through his and we started walking again. I could feel his body heat radiating through the sleeve of his uniform onto my elbow. The muscles of his arm flexed around my own as we strolled through the empty streets of Yorktown. Part of me wondered what his bare arms might look like underneath the rather stiff, starchy fabric. I shut that part of my mind off immediately as we approached his building in silence. Stupid, frothing loins. Walking past him and through the front door of his building, which he held open for me in a nice yet annoyingly confusing gesture, I got a pleasant whiff of clean soap and his own musk. I quickly pushed the aroma to the back of my mind along with the urge to see his bare arms ¡ª the two thoughts occurring just a few seconds apart. Maybe he was just that good. Or maybe I was just that lonely mixed with a buzz, mixed with an incredible drought of any kind sexual activity. But I was not that person. I was not that woman. Not tonight, not ever. Our elevator ride to the 23rd floor was silent. It was painfully obvious that our own thoughts were consuming our minds. Finally the elevator mercifully dinged, and I followed him to the right as we walked past numerous doors. He was on the end. Apartment 2311. He punched in a code and pressed his fingerprint to the keypad and held the door open for me once more. I lowered my face away from him as I walked past, but somehow that damn scent of his infiltrated my senses again. Although this time I was prepared to hold my breath slightly ¡ª this was already a precarious situation. I needed to help myself fight off my own libido however I could. The apartment had an incredibly open floor plan and was immaculately simplistic. It honestly didn¡¯t even look lived in. Even with all the lights off, I could tell that it could be used as a model to show potential renters. I suppose it made sense, seeing as he did spend most of his time in space. Suddenly, as I took in every intimate detail of the room, I was overcome with the urge to leave. Before this turned into what I feared. I was in James T. Kirk¡¯s apartment. Every part of that sentence pointed to sex. This was not going to end innocently. I was already setting myself up to fail. Just as I turned to head back towards the door, Jim stepped inside, blocking me from easily reaching the keypad. ¡°Aria. There¡¯s something else I want to tell you.¡± His voice was so small in the open, empty space of his apartment. It was then I realized my ears were ringing slightly from the noise of the bar. Here, he seemed so far away from his persona as the incredibly successful captain of the Enterprise. Here, he was just a man, speaking directly to me in a hushed, small voice in the blanketed dark of his apartment. I couldn¡¯t tell what exactly was the whiskey, and what were my true feelings. There wasn¡¯t time to sort it out now. I lifted my face up to meet his gaze, his lips just one swift movement away. ¡°It¡¯s, it¡¯s something I haven¡¯t told anyone. Something I have had a hard time even admitting to myself. Before this last mission¡­ I applied for a promotion. I wanted out of being captain. It was crushing me. Being in deep space¡­ it¡¯s annihilating. And not having someone to share it with ¡­ I mean I have a crew that I would do anything for, sure, but I don¡¯t love love them. Not a love like having a family or a person to share everything with. What I¡¯m saying is, I¡¯m not a perfect person. I¡¯m not even a great man, not even close. I¡¯m just a man. And having all this responsibility and a name to live up to ¡­ I¡¯ve wanted to run and hide. Sometimes I still feel that way ¡ª weak. But tonight, with you ¡­ I felt grounded. Even in space.¡± I stared up at him in complete shock. The smell of whiskey lingered in the air after he finished speaking. Where were the words? What could I possibly say to this man to let him know I felt that way too? With an intentional slowness, I reached out and took one of his hands in mine. Lightly holding it between my own that seemed small in comparison. His calluses were rough. They were working hands. I fought back the urge to withdraw from the intimacy. I just wanted him to know that what he revealed to me mattered. That I knew how hard it was for him to tell me his truths. I kept my eyes locked on my hands that encased his own while trying to ignore the thundering of my heart against my ribs. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. ¡°My parents never named me. They never wanted me. I was left alone to wander Earth as soon as I could walk. People would try taking me in, but I could never stay in one place. I trusted no one. I never wanted to be with anyone because they needed to earn my presence if I really mattered to them. I¡¯m skilled in combat because that¡¯s the only way I know how to survive. Alone, fighting. I could barely read when I got into the academy the first time. It was terrifying. I was humiliated. Often. Except in combat. That¡¯s where I was myself. No one could touch me. To be told I don¡¯t have a speciality¡­ to be told my one saving grace is not enough to succeed in this world ¡­ I know how you feel, Jim. I¡¯ve lived that feeling a thousand different times.¡± By the time I finished speaking there were tears brimming over my eyes ¡ª more tears. I was so sick of tears. I had let myself become exposed, become vulnerable. He stood completely still in front of me, not moving in the slightest. I looked up to see his face through my blur of tears. Tears of his own had welled in his eyes as he looked down at me. An exhausted woman baring her soul to a man she hardly knew. But a man who listened, who expressed, who felt, who seemed to genuinely care. I felt so impossibly close to him. My entire world was spinning haphazardly, making me want to stomp a foot down to get it to stop, to right itself. To rebalance. He gingerly pulled his hand free from mine and walked across the room. For a few moments, he searched for something on a large, long shelf. He pulled a thin, square-shaped item from a spot above his head and removed a shiny black circle from it. He set it onto a strange apparatus I¡¯d never seen before, and placed a long arm onto it that moved across the circle as the device spun it. The music it started to play was ancient. From a time long-since past. It filled each corner of the massive room¡¯s vaulted ceiling. Jim walked into the center of the nearly empty space, shrugging out of his formal long-sleeve captain¡¯s jacket and setting it on the back of a couch as he strode past, leaving him in nothing but a white undershirt. Well, so much for shutting down my libido. My heart slammed forward into my chest again. This was not who I was. I was never alone with Starfleet captains in their immaculate apartments. More thudding, this time against my temples. Jim extended his now bare arm towards me. ¡°Dance with me?¡± ¡°Jim, I should ¡ª ¡± ¡°Aria, please. Just a dance.¡± With a deep, uneven breath, I started walking towards him. I slid my own jacket off in the process, placing it gently on top of his. The air of his dark apartment was cool on my skin. Suddenly, I was hyper aware of everything. The hot burn in my cheeks. The outfit I wore. The whiskey that lingered heavily on my breath. The careless ponytail I threw my hair into this morning, which was no doubt all sorts of disheveled by now. The man who was waiting for me in the center of the room. My stomach churned sharply as everything swirled around in my skull. I wavered slightly as I stopped in front of him. Partially due to my sudden raw anxiety, partially due to the whiskey that still coated my usually precise, measured movement. He reached out and wrapped his arm around my waist, steadying me. My body trembled at the warmth of his arm against my lower back. It felt like he could see right through me. Unfamiliar panic started to rise up in my gut. Every inch of me wanted to flee from this situation. Every fiber of my being screamed to not let this happen. But the risk thrilled my loneliness, intrigued it. It took a ridiculous amount of focus to keep my hands steady as I placed one on his broad shoulder, the other firmly in the grasp of his hand. Our faces were incredibly close. If I swayed too far forward, the tips of our noses would have touched. He led us easily through the swells of the music ¡ª it was obvious he had listened to this song countless times before. The smallest space existed between our bodies. It would take only a fraction of a movement to press into him, to feel the solidness of his chest. To feel more of his body heat. I wanted to do it. I wanted to take the step. But that would lead us down the wrong path, right towards the fear that this was all an elaborate scheme to get me into his bed. I wouldn¡¯t get another second to debate whether I should press into him or not. Because while I was in my own mind, trying to decide where exactly I factored into this unimaginable situation, Jim wrapped his arms around me. My breath caught in my throat as he moved his face along my cheek, his stubble grazing my skin all the way down my neck until his lips rested on my shoulder. I took a quivering breath as I felt him exhale deeply into the fabric of my shirt. The old-fashioned music swelled, and I found myself moving my arms up and around Jim¡¯s shoulders. It was a natural impulse, a knee jerk reaction. I could feel a tremor travel through his body as I lightly rested my hands on the back of his neck. The crescendo of stringed instruments and brass only fed the intense warmth that was rising up behind my heart. It filled my ears fully, drowning out my brain and any rational, logical thoughts. His hands moved slowly and intentionally up and down my back, soothing me in a way I didn¡¯t know I needed to be. I had never held a man in my arms. In an attempt to offer him similar comfort, I gently caressed the back of his neck with my thumb and felt him give me a gentle squeeze in response to my touch. The heat barreling through me was starting to become overwhelming. The music was finishing its climax, beginning the descent into its ending, into its resolution. My heart rate was unstoppable. It didn¡¯t matter how badly I willed it to remain calm and even ¡ª it responded solely to the man who held me. Everything seemed to become much smaller as we slowly swayed in the stray slices of city light coming through the massive glass windows. We were reduced down to a simple existence; two people reveling in quiet intimacy as the alcohol and buzz of the bar fell away. The song was rolling into its final triumphant moments as I somehow managed to pull away from the force that was Jim Kirk. His stubbled trailed along my neck and cheek for a second time as I took a step backwards and attempted to master myself again. My hands naturally slid into both of his and slowly fell away as I finally managed to put a few feet of distance between us. Relentless pressure pulsed in my temples. I swallowed against my churning stomach which mostly contained whiskey. Words were nowhere to be found. Searching my mind yielded nothing. My heart kept on booming. With no other options, my head swiveled up towards Jim, the room swirling around us in my peripheral vision. Mistake. Slivers of light from the sleepless, ultra-modern city were falling randomly across his face. Defying all the damned odds, one slice of light fell directly over his red-tinged blue eyes. His gaze was soft, tired even. Taking a small step towards me, eliminating the little distance that allowed me to think somewhat coherently, he started reaching for my hands again. My stomach turned over sharply. Flight. It cooed in the back of my mind quietly, a distant war cry that grabbed my attention immediately. Suddenly my limbs were in motion. All the training I received in the academy, all the trial and error learning I had to do on my own as a child, it all coalesced now, in this purely emotional situation. Know when you become prey. Do not let your pride choose fight over flight. The words kept echoing in the back of my mind while I snatched my coat off of the couch, off of his jacket, and headed for the door. I mumbled ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I have to go¡± under my breath as I nearly jogged to get to the keypad. Or maybe those words had only been in my mind. He was moving after me, trying to slow me down. ¡°Aria, wait. I didn¡¯t mean to make you feel ¡ª just hear me out. I didn¡¯t ¡ª ¡± The rest of his sentence was lost behind his closed apartment door. Elevator would take too long. He would intercept me. Stairs were my only chance at getting out of the building quickly. I slammed open the door to the stairwell and took the stairs two at a time. The quick movement and sudden demand to have my legs work quickly sent cracking throbs of pain shooting through my skull. I needed to throw up, sleep, and try to forget this whole mess of an evening. There were only two more flights of stairs between me and the never quite fresh and always a bit stale recycled air of Yorktown. No other footsteps echoed in the stairwell. No one called after me. I flung myself into the exit door and quickly turned to heave my guts into one of the tall planters of flowers stationed by the building. After taking a few seconds to empty my stomach, I immediately started jogging down the street as I wiped my mouth off with the back of my hand. As I jogged past drunk cadets and evening patrols that eyed me warily as I breezed past, I realized I had no clue where I was going. My feet just kept moving. The familiar rhythm of my stride helped to push the churning nausea in my gut out of my mind. The only thing keeping me from collapsing onto the sidewalk was the fear of stopping. Stopping meant processing. Processing would lead to nothing but emotional hell. There was already that small, cruel voice in the back of my mind that kept getting louder with each set of footfalls, ¡°Keep moving, girl, and you might not die.¡± I swallowed rapidly against the bile shooting up my throat. I rounded a corner, nearly clipping a couple walking hand-in-hand who shot me an annoyed glare, and slowed to a stop as I took in the building where my feet had subconsciously led me. The academy. It was a behemoth laid out before me, a flawless combination of modern and classic architecture. The sight of it alone was enough to silence the voice of the past that cooed in my ears and refocus my energy onto my own thoughts. I stood in the middle of the large paved path and stared up at the immaculate building as it glowed silently in the quiet of the night. My breathing gradually began to return to normal as I stared up at the glass and concrete wonder. I half expected it to start talking to me, to acknowledge that I was there and that it understood why my feet had brought me here, of all places. But I already knew why. It just took me a few minutes to find the reason underneath the near crippling throbbing that seared through my sweaty temples every few seconds. I was here because I was going to reenlist. It was either that, or inevitably become a lonely, alcoholic nobody that blamed the past for their lack of happiness and success. And that was a pathetic excuse for a life that I had been entertaining for shamefully too long. With a deep, stuttering breath, I casually walked over to one of the benches that lined the large fountain in the academy¡¯s plaza and took a seat. Glancing down at the watch on my wrist, the time read 1:46 AM. I felt no urge to go back to my apartment and sleep. An almost electric clarity had settled over my mind, and it somehow managed to drown out my throbbing headache and vanquish the doubt that longed to creep up and smother my decision. Slowly and methodically, I reached up and removed the binder from my hair. I smoothed over my scalp with my hands a few times and then pulled my hair into a high and tight ponytail. Settling into position, I crossed my legs and folded my hands in my lap. I focused intensely on the clarity in my mind. My gaze was locked onto the academy as I attempted to meditate for the first time in years. Meditating was a tool that my combat instructor had taught me when my rage and emotions began to cloud my judgment, making my fighting sloppy. I relished in the familiar feelings that slowly started to enter my body. Calmness, determination. In a few short hours I would be on a path again. Back on my way to becoming more than I was and more than my past would want me to be. All thanks to a cocky, womanizing captain, who sent me fleeing from his arms and back towards the woman I knew I could become. Chapter 5: Aria SIX MONTHS LATER A welcome rush of cool air hit my sweat-covered body as I pushed through the doors of the academy onto the quiet streets of Yorktown. Small shivers traveled across my skin as the artificial breeze flowed strongly against me while I took the stairs two at a time. I was still coming off the high from my Advance Hand-to-Hand Combat Skills class that had just finished minutes ago. It was best to utilize the high from my combat classes effectively ¡ª I was now rushing off to my apartment to study. I found that if I gave myself as little downtime as possible, I could actually make a small dent in the heaps of studying I needed to accomplish for all my other required classes. I was granted admission back into the academy begrudgingly. And with terms and conditions, of course. First, none of my credits I had completed all those years ago would count. Second, this was my final chance at graduating. If I dropped out, if I failed, that was it. No Starfleet. No space travel. No purpose. The last six months of my life had been manic. It seemed that no matter how much of my time I dedicated to studying, my reading, writing and math skills still lacked severely. I was years behind all of my young, infuriatingly judgmental classmates. Finding a tutor had been futile. It seemed that my age and unknown race made me more of an outcast than in my previous attempt at cadet life. Not to mention everyone in the academy knew the only skill I truly possessed was combat. Needless to say, no one wanted to risk interacting with me, period. But I refused to let the adversity of my situation bother me. I trudged forward with every intention of succeeding, regardless of the academy¡¯s conditions and my peers'' disdain. My thoughts were so wrapped up in what I needed to get done tonight in order to try and gain some ground on the subjects that I was struggling with badly as I continued down the perfectly paved path, passing fellow cadets and civilians going about their daily lives as usual. That¡¯s why I didn¡¯t hear the woman shouting my name until she was a few feet away from me. And she was shouting loudly. ¡°Aria! Aria, hey!¡± I could have sworn my blood froze solid in my veins. Here I was, so lost in my own thoughts and quiet determination that I had literally marched straight past someone who was shouting my name. I didn¡¯t even have an excuse like having music playing in my ears or being engrossed in conversation with someone. I just had my head so far up my own ass that I had blatantly ignored someone for god knows how long. With a big sigh and a muttering of a swear to the sky, I turned on the heel of my sneakers to see who I had just glaringly insulted. Who in the hell could possibly want my attention? Lieutenant Uhura. That¡¯s who. She was leading a group of Enterprise crew members who were now stopped and all staring directly at me. Me, clad in unwashed cadet gym clothes. Me, with sweat-dampened hair and red blotchy cheeks. Me, who no doubt could be smelled from systems light years away. My stomach dropped to my shoes. I kept my gaze on Uhura and let the faces of the crew blend into the background. I knew who was there. The longer I went without seeing exactly who accompanied her, the better. I grasped the strap of my gym bag where it crossed my chest. My heart was already hammering against my ribs. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Shit. Just shit. ¡°Lieutenant Uhura, to what do I owe the pleasure?¡± She wore a huge, easygoing smile. The natural beauty she possessed always left me awestruck, envious. Self conscious. It was like standing next to the sun ¡ª I was just a washed out planet in her wake. She stopped in front of me, arms spread wide in her special, going-out civilian clothes. ¡°We were all just headed over to the Dark Moon for drinks and dancing. This is our last weekend stationed here and we wanted to celebrate accordingly!¡± I did my best to smile back at her as she spoke. Clearly they had all already been drinking. I mean, I certainly didn¡¯t blame them. But one question was still burning in the front of my mind. One that I couldn¡¯t just ignore. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Lieutenant, but how do you know my name? How do you know who I am?¡± Looking from side to side, as if there were people dying to eavesdrop on our conversation, she took a step closer to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. She leaned in close and whispered quietly, causing my body to tense at her sudden proximity. ¡°Kirk has told me all about you. You left quite an impression on him.¡± Regret boiled up inside of me. Regret and dread. I needed to stop this now. Before it got any more out of control. ¡°Lieutenant look, please understand ¡ª¡± ¡°Please come out with us, Aria, Please! I would love to get to know you, plus you look like you could use a drink or two. For me. Kirk is too busy sulking, anyways. There''s no way he¡¯ll be there.¡± Tension immediately began to release from my shoulders. He wasn¡¯t here. Not with the group going out, anyways. Still stationed on Yorktown, but not for long. Suddenly my thoughts were formed and readily available. My heart kicked down to its normal speed. Back in control. Stupid, stupid Jim. Stupid power over me that was incomprehensible. ¡°I really appreciate your offer Lieutenant, I do, but ¡ª ¡± ¡°Uhura. Please call me Uhura.¡± ¡°Thank you, Uhura, but I really need to be studying ¡ª ¡± ¡°You can study tomorrow, on Sunday! It¡¯s Saturday night, Aria. Please come out with us. I¡¯ll take you back to my place and you can freshen up. We¡¯re the same size, it¡¯s perfect.¡± What was I supposed to do? Tell her I barely had a grasp on reading or writing English, and I needed every possible spare second of time to study? That basic math seemed impossible? There was no way out of this. Not with buzzed Uhura giving me that doe-eyed look of hers, and the fact that she was already tugging on my arm. With a sigh and forced smile, I turned to the over-eager Lieutenant. ¡°Alright, alright, I¡¯ll come out.¡± ¡°YES! Follow me, I already have the perfect outfit picked out for you in my mind. It¡¯s going to look so¡­¡± My focus drifted to the group of Enterprise crew members that Uhura pulled me past. A lot of faces I didn¡¯t recognize. Especially since they weren¡¯t in uniform. But there were two that stuck out with painful clarity. The two faces from the riverbank that day so many months ago. The doctor called Bones and the Vulcan, Spock. Bones offered me the smallest of nods and a half smile. Spock, on the other hand, eyed me intensely with his angled eyebrows knit tightly together. I shot him a hard stare right back. As Uhura dragged me along, my mind reeled. I could have never even come close to predicting that this is how I would be spending my night. I attended class and I studied until my brain felt raw. That was it. No friends, no ¡®going out¡¯, no social life. But here I was, Uhura talking animatedly about what I would wear tonight to go out to a bar. And dance. In public. Six months of peace. I would have taken hours of physical exhaustion doing combat training any day over this painfully awkward social situation. But, at the very least, there would be no dashing, charming captain around. Yes. That was some small comfort to me that at the very, very least, Jim Kirk wouldn¡¯t be there. Chapter 6: Jim The one good thing about deciding to join the crew out for a night on the town at the last possible second was the fact that with one nod and salute, I bypassed the entire line into the ridiculously popular club. I heard girls ¡®whisper¡¯ about me in line as I walked past. Like I somehow couldn¡¯t hear them or knew they existed. Others just murmured about ¡®the captain¡¯. It all just made me want to drink that much more. I mean, I had originally declined Uhura¡¯s enthusiastic offer to go out with her and some of the crew tonight, purely for the fact that crowds and drinking hadn¡¯t exactly been my jam for the past couple of months. Something clicked that night six months ago. I couldn¡¯t put a finger on exactly what that ¡®click¡¯ was, but it had driven me away from my usually ambitious social life and into a lot of long chats with Bones, Spock and Uhura. Me. Talking. At length. About my thoughts and feelings. I might as well have morphed into a completely different person. But tonight, sitting in my uncomfortable and sterile apartment alone had driven me crazy. Near deep-space crazy. So as the clock on my wrist beeped 11:00 PM, I hauled my ass off my couch, ran my hand through my slightly greasy hair, dabbed on a bit of cologne for a lazy refresh, threw on my worn leather jacket over the same dirty white T-shirt I had been wearing all week, and headed out the door. It took a lot of willpower to not turn around and leave as the thumping of the music grated into my ears. I blinked quickly, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the dark, intermittently strobe-lit room as I navigated my way through the very crowded club. I could¡¯ve sworn the humidity was nearing 100% with all the body heat and sweat hanging in the air. My nose crinkled and forehead creased as I finally pushed my way up to the bar. The bartender was being mobbed by drunk cadets and an odd combination of silver foxes who were without a doubt looking for some pretty young thing to take home. I waited, as patiently as I could, while being constantly jostled by inebriated cadets, for the bartender to make his way around the massive circular bar to where I was leaning. Scanning the room proved to be useless. Groups of girls eyeing up guys, groups of guys eyeing up girls, and then the small group of crew members from the Enterprise holed up in one of the corners. Spock and Bones were chatting at one of the comically small high top tables. A few other clusters of crew members took up other tables, while a large group danced just feet away. ¡°Captain! What can I get ya?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll take a ¡ª ¡± As I was swiveling my head back over my shoulder towards the bartender, a flash of white-gold hair caught my eye as my gaze flicked over the crowd. Aria. That was Aria dancing ¡­ intimately with Uhura in the middle of the dance floor. Regret mixed with dread flooded up from the pit of my stomach to my head. I should¡¯ve been home. This was supposed to be a night in. One stupid decision and I thrust myself into the middle of something that had been slowly picking away at me for months. ¡°Captain? What will ya be havin¡¯?¡± Breaking myself away from my pissed off thoughts, I ran a hand over my face and responded to the bartender. I kept my eyes locked on Aria, afraid she might spot me first. ¡°I¡¯ll take a whiskey. Neat.¡± I could leave. It was an option. A weak option, but still an option nonetheless. But I had already dragged myself out. Spock and Bones were here. The least I could do was say hi and chat them up for a bit. God knows they had been putting up with my weird mood for the past few months as best they could. I hadn¡¯t exactly been a ball of sunshine. I owed it to them to make an appearance. Granted it would be a bit half-assed, but an appearance nonetheless. ¡°Your whiskey, captain. Also the ladies across the bar wanted to buy you a few drinks. They are ¡­ fruity, sir.¡± A sigh escaped through my parted lips as I eyed the bartender with a weary expression. ¡°Can you make those whiskeys please? I¡¯ll pay the difference.¡± With a crooked smirk the bartender nodded once and was off to fetch two more whiskeys that I no doubt didn¡¯t need, but accepted regardless. Slam three whiskeys. Talk to Bones and Spock. Exit quickly. All accomplishable in 30 minutes. I could do this. I quickly shot the first whiskey in my hands and then looked up to offer the group of women across the bar a nod a hand wave. It was the least I could do. I knew they expected me to make my way over to them. I knew that¡¯s what anyone expected of me when I was drinking in a bar or club. But that Kirk had been fading over the past few months. Fading into something unknown to me. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. ¡°Your whiskeys, captain.¡± I nodded in silent thanks and quickly slammed the second drink. That one burned. All the way down. My lips curled over my teeth slightly as I exhaled some of the fire from my throat. Sliding the third whiskey to the silver-haired man to my left, I gave him a clap on the back and wished him luck on his endeavors. He gave me a quizzical and irritated stare, but gladly took my drink. I carefully slid off my stool and started working my way towards Spock and Bones. The whiskey was hitting me harder than I anticipated. I honestly couldn¡¯t remember when I had eaten last. There was a smile creeping onto my face and a lightness I hadn¡¯t felt in weeks. This was an empty stomach buzz. After several awkward bumps and ¡®sorrys¡¯ as I made my way through the jam-packed club, I sidled up to Bones, who now stood alone at the uselessly small table that was only good for holding a few drinks. ¡°Bones!¡± He turned his gaze from the dance floor and threw me a genuinely surprised look, brows arched high with his arms crossed over his chest. ¡°Jim! How the hell are you? I didn¡¯t expect to see you here tonight.¡± ¡°That makes two of us. Don¡¯t worry, I regretted it instantly.¡± A crease formed in his brows as he shifted his eyes from me to the dance floor ¡ª to Aria. Then back to me with a questioning look. ¡°This was Uhura¡¯s brilliant idea. We drank a little at her place before heading out. She intercepted Aria on our way. Trust me, she wasn¡¯t looking to go out either. Uhura is ¡­¡± ¡°Undeniable.¡± ¡°Yeah. Exactly. You gonna stay long?¡± I shook my head and leaned onto the table slightly, my hands gripping the edge. My eyes flickered back to Aria. Whipping her hair around wildly. A smile spread on her face from ear to ear. ¡°Nah, just wanted to pop over and say hi. I see Spock has abandoned you for Uhura.¡± Bones rolled his eyes dramatically without needing to look over his shoulder at the couple who were hanging on each other, with Uhura giggling just a few feet behind him. ¡°You get one drink in that Vulcan and suddenly all that damn logic of his goes right out the window.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but chuckle at the grimace that slid across Bones¡¯ face as he spoke. The tension that had coiled into my body was slowly beginning to dissipate. Mostly thanks to the two whiskeys, but also partially due to Bones¡¯ natural way of just making me feel a little less awful. We settled into an easy conversation reminiscing about our party antics over the years. Bones and I had certainly found our way into a healthy amount of excitement during our friendship. Whether it was keeping me from unnecessary bar fights or stopping Bones from making an ass of himself in front of large groups of women. If there was trouble, we would find it. Just as we were sharing a laugh about how we both almost got arrested for public indecency, Bones suddenly slid his half finished drink across the table to me. I barely caught it as it neared the edge. ¡°Bones I really don¡¯t ¡ª ¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna wanna drink that. Fast.¡± I followed the nod of Bones¡¯ head towards the dance floor to our left. The Enterprise crew was making their way towards us, everyone covered in sweat and beaming from ear to ear. And that included Aria. I mumbled a few colorful swear words under my breath and quickly slung back the rest of Bones ¡­ White Russian? Shaking my head fiercely from the shock of the disgusting drink, I clapped Bones on the back and headed for the outside patio. ¡°Thanks for that, buddy.¡± ¡°You leavin¡¯?¡± ¡°I think so, yeah. Gonna grab some air first.¡± ¡°Alright. You know where to find me.¡± Offering Bones a toothless grin, I patted him on the back again and then headed for the patio exit. Hopefully, she had never even spotted me in the club. Hopefully she wouldn¡¯t have to think I was being some psycho stalker. I wanted nothing more than to journey back into the depths of space without having to talk with her again. Mostly because I had no idea what I would actually say. The whoosh of air that hit my face as I stepped onto the empty patio was a welcome relief. My ears rang in the empty quietness of the small patio. Yorktown was glowing with all its nighttime activities. People bustled past in the street, laughing loudly while stumbling to the next bar. I took up a spot at the railing that overlooked a small, scenic park with small trees and a large patch of grass. I drew in a deep breath through my mouth and cleared my lungs of the sweaty, thick air of the club. Tilting my head up towards the sprawling night sky, my eyes immediately fell and rested on Earth. Home. Iowa. Corn fields. Family. The memories rushed into my mind before I could even attempt to slow them down. As I tried to sort through the overwhelming surge of feelings that suddenly surfaced inside myself, I heard someone else push through the door behind me and step out onto the patio. ¡°You¡¯re not leaving, are you?¡± Her voice was too loud. The time she had spent inside clearly had her ears ringing, too. I shook my head as I kept my gaze locked on Earth. Aria. Of course. Chapter 7: Aria I needed air. Quickly. The lights were beginning to blur and swirl around me. People¡¯s voices seemed foggy and distant. A group of us decided to leave the dance floor at the same time ¡ª thank god I would have someone to follow. I wasn¡¯t sure if I could manage navigating my way back to the tables where the rest of the crew was gathered. As I looked up from my feet and tried my damndest to focus my vision, I saw Bones being clapped on the back by someone in an old leather jacket with perfectly tousled golden brown hair. Jim. Of course it had to be Jim. My heartbeat stumbled into my ribs just as I physically stumbled into the person in front of me. I muttered a brief apology under my breath and watched as he pushed through a door on the other side of the room. I clumsily made my way through the few people that remained between myself and Bones. My foot caught on something as I neared the table, and my hands flew out to balance myself as my vision settled. How many drinks had Uhura convinced me to have? ¡°Bones. Was that Jim?¡± His brows furrowed more, if that was even possible. His eyes darted between me and the door where I thought Jim had just gone through. It was obvious that Bones was having a grand internal debate about confirming my suspicions. I was just about to push him further when he finally blurted out a response. ¡°Yes, dammit. That was Jim. Just ... just go easy on him, will ya?¡± Now it was my turn to furrow my brows. My feet were already moving towards the side door as I decided I didn¡¯t have enough energy to give Bones a response. Being drunk was already making this a volatile situation. I needed fresh air, and I needed to talk to Jim. The two things just happen to currently exist in the same space. After what felt like an eternity of wading through the sickly hot, crowded club, I finally pushed through the side door and out into the fresh-ish air of Yorktown. The door swung shut behind me with a loud thud. It was then I noticed that I was breathing heavily through my mouth. I hadn¡¯t been running through the club, had I? It did help get the cool air into my lungs faster. Somehow, my inebriated body kept moving forward. I kept taking steps toward Jim. And then words were rushing out of my mouth before I could even debate whether or not they should be said. This was why going out with people only led to poor choices. Damn my weakness. ¡°You¡¯re not leaving, are you?¡± I had managed to walk within a few feet of him. It took an incredible amount of effort to force my feet to stop moving. I planted myself in one place, being careful not to lock my knees, and folded my arms over my chest, fending off the cool night air. Jim still had his back to me as he leaned on the metal railing with his forearms. His chin was tilted upwards towards the sprawling night sky that was dappled with beautiful moons and planets and stars. His face was tilted at just enough of an angle for me to see the side profile of his handsome features. Were his eyes glassy, or was that just the alcohol messing with my usually perceptible mind? And what exactly was he ¡ª ¡°Not yet, no.¡± Silence hung heavily in the air between us after he spoke. There had been no plan concocted in my mind when I had rushed out here after him. Really the only checklist items were to get fresh air before I heaved my guts onto the dance floor, and talking to him. But what I would say, on the other hand ¡­ that was still a big, fat question mark. I hadn¡¯t worked any of this out over the past few months. None of it. I had shoved it down to the farthest, darkest corner of my mind so it could sit and collect dust. And now here I was, my heel-clad foot in my mouth, desperately trying to think past all the booze in my system and come up with something to say to the man standing an arms-length away from me. ¡°Why did you do it?¡± It came out too small, too quiet, too hurt. But it was honest. And honesty was easy with alcohol-laced breath. Instant regret. Take it back, take it back! Blame having had too much to drink. Blame the alignment of the moons. Blame something. But it was too late. The words were already out in the air between us. I gripped my arms tighter against my chest in the hopes that maybe I could squeeze some sense into my brain. He let out a soft chuckle before he turned himself around to face me. He leaned cooly against the railing, his own arms crossing against his chest. Suddenly my hammering heart rate filled my ears. He looked tired. Even a tad unwell. Bags had formed under his eyes, and the contagious energy he had possessed all those months ago had vanished. Electric blue eyes finally shifted from his shoes to me ¡ª and boy was I not ready to be pinned under his piercing gaze. ¡°Because I wanted to. Look, I wasn¡¯t drunk or trying to pull off some stunt. I know that¡¯s hard to believe, but I was just doing what felt right to me.¡± A scoff abruptly left my lips as he finished speaking. I couldn¡¯t help it. There was suddenly white-hot anger rising in my chest that fueled my racing heart, no longer thumping into my ribs due to the handsome captain standing before me, who was attempting to mask his womanizing ways behind feelings. ¡°You can¡¯t just do something like that. I barely know you, Jim. And then to pull that ¡­ whatever it was, and expect me to just skip along with it ¡ª ¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t know what I was doing, okay? It wasn¡¯t premeditated. It wasn¡¯t planned. There¡¯d been a lot on in my mind then, and there still is, and acting on impulse is kind of my thing. It wasn¡¯t fair to you, and I¡¯m sorry you had to take the brunt of it.¡± Slow, intense throbbing was nagging at my temples as I tried to keep my blurred vision locked onto him. I could tell he was being sincere, that he wasn¡¯t just trying to further feign ignorance. His defensiveness and the raising of his voice were convincing enough. But there was still anger flaring up behind my ribs. For this situation. For how I felt. For how I didn¡¯t want to feel. For how I had him to thank for pushing me back to the academy. It was all just bubbling over and out of me now. ¡°Of course you just happen to show up at the club tonight, after Uhura told me that you, without a doubt, weren''t coming.¡± All the childish rage ¡­ I couldn¡¯t keep it down. I couldn¡¯t fight it. Not with this much alcohol coursing through my system. Oh how I wished I could¡¯ve just floated off into space. Away from this horrible situation. Away from my own big mouth. ¡°First off, those are my friends in there. My crew. I was invited days ago. I had no idea that you would be here. Hell, I wasn¡¯t even going to come! So my apologies for wanting to get out and live a little.¡± He pointed towards the closed door to the club as he spoke, adding emphasis to each statement. His temper was flaring. I could see the tension gathering in his shoulders. His voice had gotten considerably louder, and his cheeks were tinged with red. Challenge rose in my chest. The familiar feeling that came along with combat ¡ª of assessing an opponent in order to destroy them systematically. Sparring verbally, however, was not my strong suit. ¡°Of course! Don¡¯t hesitate to remind me about your success as captain,¡± I threw in air quotes around his title for good measure, ¡°and how you have a crew and that they¡¯re your friends. I can¡¯t go anywhere on this damn station without being reminded of you and your, your you-ness!¡± My drunk insults were leaving something to be desired, but as I yelled, something in him shifted. I watched as the tension eased from his shoulders, dropping his head down slightly so his gaze refocused on his shoes. He grew quiet for a few moments, leaving me and my eager anger to debate between leaving or saying something further. ¡°Well, your odds of running into me will be zero in just a few short hours.¡± My brows knitted together again. I was starting to get the spins. I needed support, or else I was going to fall over. That wasn¡¯t really a surefire way to win an argument. With a few carefully calculated steps, I moved to the railing next to him and forcefully rested one of my hands on it. I was able to steady myself, to focus on his mussed hair. Swallowing hard against my churning stomach, I managed to find my voice again. Smaller than before. Less feisty. ¡°What do you mean?¡± He sighed and brought one of his hands up to rub his forehead before continuing. ¡°I¡¯m leaving for our next mission tomorrow.¡± I nodded absentmindedly as he spoke. He really didn¡¯t have to explain himself. I knew exactly what he meant the first time. I hoped that if he explained himself, maybe I could come to terms with it. Maybe I wouldn¡¯t still feel this ache inside myself that wanted him to be around. An ache that wanted to keep getting to know him. It was a near primal need to just have a friend, or some semblance of a friend. So I countered him with the only thing I had left. I sidestepped the wrenching in my gut and foolishly kept talking. ¡°I¡¯ve been back at the academy for a few months now. It hasn¡¯t been easy, not in the slightest, but I¡¯m doing it.¡± He finally turned his head to look at me again. A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. His eyes finally seemed brighter, like that night so many months ago. My own lips twitched upward into a small grin. I wouldn¡¯t give him the satisfaction of a full smile. Take that, fruity drinks in my bloodstream. ¡°It must have been all those rousing stories I told you about my misadventures and triumphs in space, huh? Can I expect a formal thank you in my inbox soon?¡± Of course he would take the road of self centeredness. Was there any other road with him? I rolled my eyes and looked up to the starry sky before shifting my glaring gaze back to him. ¡°You are so full of yourself, all of the time. Constantly. It must be exhausting. I swear if I could go back in time and never have agreed to go out with you ¡ª ¡± ¡°Oh yeah, because I really forced you into having a drink with me. By asking politely I might as well have had a phaser to your head.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t even pretend you don¡¯t use that convenient manly charm or whatever it is you have to woo any woman you ¡ª ¡± ¡°May I remind you that you were not woo-able, even if that had been what I was trying to do? You literally ran out of my apartment! I forgot, we couldn¡¯t just have a civil chat about what had happened between us. No, the much better option is running away.¡± ¡°Just like you were running off tonight? Away from me? Away from dealing with it? And now you''re running off to space, where you¡¯ll never have to face me.¡± My breathing was ragged, as if I¡¯d just sprinted around the block. My fists were clenched and shaking. Ready to hit someone. Hit him. My buzz had faded around the edges, leaving me with nothing but a loose tongue and fueled limbs. And as I tried to steady my breathing, tried to push the rising anger down away from the surface, he started laughing. Laughing. There were a few things he could have done in that moment to push my anger over the edge. Laughing was definitely at the top of that list. ¡°You¡¯re laughing at me?¡± I cocked my head as I watched him continue to laugh with his face tilted up towards the sky. His lips were spread in a wide smile, laughter rolling out from between his white teeth. I pushed off from the railing and paced away from him. There was a familiar, burning wave of heat spreading through my limbs. The kind of heat I knew fueled my fists into action. Whiskey and honed instincts were not mixing well. ¡°Yeah, I am. Listen to us. Bickering like some old married ¡ª ¡± Before I could rein in the heat that had sprung loose from inside of me, I was turned around and standing just inches away from him, fist cocked. Trembling with anticipation. God, how I wanted to punch him right in that pretty boy face of his. ¡°Come on, you wanna hit me? Go ahead, hit me. Will it make you feel better? Because you look like you¡¯re about ready to ¡ª ¡± And then my fist was flying, fed with raw power from my shoulder and connecting soundly with his nose. The coil had sprung ¡ª it always did, albeit usually in a more appropriate setting. I hadn¡¯t actually punched or fought another person in my adult life. While I was on the road as a child, however, that was a different story. He stumbled backwards a few steps, bracing himself on the railing with one hand before both hands shot up to his nose. My jaw hung open as I staggered towards him, grasping for his shoulders so I could assess the damage I had just unleashed on his nose. ¡°Jim! Oh my god, are you okay? I am so, so sorry, I don¡¯t know what came over me, I¡­¡± But as his wide, shocked eyes met mine, laughter roared up from my lungs. Real, from the gut laughter. It was so inappropriate, so misplaced. But I couldn¡¯t stop it from erupting out of my mouth. I held onto one of his shoulders for balance as my other arm flew around my stomach. Laughter this rich existed nowhere in my recent memory. A chuckle here or there, sure. A hearty laugh at a funny story or good joke, maybe. But not this crippling, vise-like laughter that seemed to cut through my buzz and my flaring temper with ease. ¡°You broke my damn nose!¡± I tried to look up at him, but pools of tears blurred my vision. Between the alcohol and my sudden fit of hysteria, I needed to find my composure. With a deep sniffle and a quick running of my hands through my hair, I managed to subdue my laughter slightly. Using what little logic I could scrounge, I started ripping the bottom hem of my dress off ¡ª or rather Uhura¡¯s dress ¡ª to clean up the blood from his face. As I turned to help him sit down so he could tilt his head back, I found that he was laughing quietly to himself. ¡°What the hell is wrong with us?¡± A few more chuckles escaped my lips as I put my hand back on his shoulder and gently guided him down to the edge of the patio. The railing allowed us both to sit on the edge with our feet dangling over. I brought the rag from my dress up to his slowly bleeding nose and carefully helped him tip his head backwards. It felt more intimate than it should¡¯ve. As soon as he lifted his hand up to hold the rag in place, I brought my hands back to my own lap. He leaned back on one palm, fingers splayed out on the smooth concrete of the patio. He was still laughing softly to himself as he held the white, now gradually turning red, fabric of my dress up to his nose. ¡°I think I punched you for a lot of different reasons. None of them really having to do with you. While you do piss me off, and infuriate me, I¡¯m still very, very sorry.¡± He shook his head as best as he could before tilting his gaze down to me. ¡°I deserved it. I need to be put back in my place every once in a while. Granted these days I¡¯m usually getting my ass kicked by foreign species who have a beef with Starfleet instead of by women at clubs. That training at the academy is definitely honing your skills, cadet.¡± Even with the sarcasm dripping off his last few words, another chuckle escaped my lips. Easy and light. Everything felt so clear in this moment. So uncomplicated. Why not tell him about the past few months? It didn¡¯t seem so scary after reminding him that I could systematically destroy his body with a few expertly placed punches. Plus, it didn¡¯t seem like he¡¯d be going anywhere soon with a bleeding nose and bruised ego. So I tipped my head back just like his, my eyes falling onto the same set of stars and planets that his gaze was considering. Words started tumbling from my mouth in a steady stream. My voice was slightly hushed at first, as if speaking too loudly would dispel the moment, pulling us out of this odd peace we had seemed to find after I had punched a Starfleet captain in the face. I touched on everything from the stuck up judgmental students, to my struggles with core subjects, to how painfully obvious it was that I was far more skilled at combat than any of the old, washed up instructors were. He sat and listened intently, offering a chuckle or asking a question here and there, his head tipped up at the night sky the entire time. As my words finally came to a halt, trailing off after a story about embarrassing myself with a wrong answer to a basic math question in front of a class full of young cadets, we were met with that uneasy silence once again. The feelings of that night lingered around us both. Unspoken and avoided questions that were starting to cripple any chance of friendship, or whatever else might come of us seeing and enjoying one another¡¯s company. It hurt. It really did. And I could tell it was hurting us both. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. As I turned to look at him after what seemed like hours of my own rambling, I made a choice. A relationship-altering, bold abd risky choice. Blame the alcohol, blame his closeness to me, blame the adrenaline high of punching him in the face paired with dancing all night. I made the choice, and was committed to seeing it through. Because the silence lacing all of our conversations was just not how I wanted us to play out. ¡°Jim.¡± His name came out a whisper, soft and breathy after my unexpectedly animated explanation of the past six months of my life. After a few seconds of what seemed like his own internal debate over even turning his head to look at me, his piercing blue eyes fell on my own light gold irises . A light breeze pushed a lock of hair into his eyes, and along with it a gentle wafting of his natural musk. The same musk that had riled up my senses all those months ago. Before he could reach up to move the hair from his eyes, my hand was in motion. I placed my fingertips on the warm skin of his forehead before gently moving them up to the roots of his hair, returning the fallen strands back to where they had come from. Then, my hand slowly ran down the side of his face, with as much tenderness as I could manage, before resting my palm on the warmth of his stubbled cheek. His mouth fell open slightly as his eyes traveled over my face, eventually stopping on my own parted lips. Before he could speak, before the silence could take us again, I closed the minute speck of distance between us and pushed my lips against his. Everything that had been wound up so tightly between us unraveled as the kiss sprawled out over seconds. A spark of urgency ignited beneath my skin as he moved his lips to deepen the kiss, causing the tips of our tongues to brush together for just a moment. Every ounce of uncertainty fell away as he rested his comfortingly warm hand on my arm, the same arm that had my hand still cupped over his cheek. Heat gathered between us, the kiss growing more intense as I felt him start to lean into me more, causing us to start hading towards laying down on the patio of the club. The club. With an incredible amount of effort, I managed to pull back from his lips ¡ª those soft, expertly moving lips that seemed to work perfectly in tandem with my own. Our breathing was heavy as we sat, foreheads pressed together under the twinkling lights of the dimly lit patio. Fortunately for us, it was at the back of the club, where there was a row of bushes before the back alley street. After taking a few moments to gather my scattered thoughts, I managed to get out a coherent, fully formed sentence. ¡°It probably isn¡¯t smart for a Starfleet captain to be blatantly kissing a cadet in public.¡± He pushed his lips softly against mine once more before responding. ¡°Come with me on this mission.¡± A breathy, alcohol-laced laugh escaped my lips at his impossible request. ¡°I can''t just come with you. What am I supposed to do, sneak into the cargo hold? That seems like a fun way to spend what could potentially end up being years in space.¡± The word ¡°years¡± made something in my chest tighten. A fact, but a fact that complicated something that was already complicated. Wonderful. He ran his hand up my arm, placing it on top of my hand that was still resting on his cheek. Taking my hand in his, he pulled them down to rest together on the cool concrete of the patio. ¡°It won¡¯t be like that, not exactly.¡± My brows furrowed as he insinuated he had some other kind of plan. I gave him an incredibly quizzical and skeptical look as I pulled away from his forehead to fully observe the idea that had suddenly lit up his eyes. ¡°What exactly do you have brewing in that head of yours, captain smooth-talker?¡± That achingly familiar and infuriating cocky smile that I had missed during all these months I spent avoiding him spread across his face as he ran a thumb over the top of my hand. It brought warmth to the pit of my stomach, reminding me exactly how I had felt that night we had spent together. Of just how much I had missed him week after week. ¡°Can you be at the academy¡¯s grand auditorium tomorrow at 9?¡± I cocked my head at the request, wondering if I had in fact heard him correctly or if the alcohol had distorted my hearing that drastically. ¡°You want me to come to an official Starfleet meeting tomorrow at 9? Why?¡± ¡°All you need to do is show up, be somewhat put together and coherent, and you should be boarding the Enterprise with us tomorrow afternoon.¡± ¡°Jim, I don¡¯t want you to ¡ª ¡° He brought a finger up to my lips, stopping me mid sentence. I gave him a scowl that was met with a shit-grin of his own. ¡°Trust me. Just show up. Please. You¡¯ve been busting your ass for six months straight. You already have two years of academy under your belt, even though they¡¯re not counting it. You¡¯ve set yourself up for this opportunity. Let me work the board and reward you for all of your hard work. You¡¯ll go crazy sitting and waiting at the academy for the next two years. This could be the shot you need to prove how valuable you are to Starfleet. Kick start your career without wading through all that bureaucratic bullshit.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but laugh at how excited and animated he suddenly had become at the prospect of me joining the crew ¡ª his crew ¡ª of the Enterprise for this mission. It was awfully contagious. Granted the exhaustion from tonight''s craziness was setting in, along with a splitting headache from what no doubt would be one of the worst hangovers I¡¯d ever had. Not to mention my vision still wasn¡¯t all too stable and the patio still seemed to have a bit of a spin to it. Bringing a hand to my forehead, I gave my head a few shakes before responding to his bold, albeit over ambitious, plan. ¡°You are crazy, but I¡¯ll be there at 9. I¡¯ll be there. I may not be the most coherent considering how late it is now and the impending awfulness of this hangover, but I¡¯ll be there. And I really hope you¡¯re not sticking it out for me, I don¡¯t want this to backfire and have you get in trouble all because of ¡ª¡± ¡°I won¡¯t, and trouble is really just a part of who I am as a person at this point. It¡¯s a fact of my life. It doesn¡¯t scare me.¡± Another laugh escaped my lips as I took in his face, now shining with something happier and brighter than the grim, contemplative man I¡¯d come across when I''d first stumbled out onto the patio. If this whole scheme of his had any chance of succeeding, which meant keeping that electric look on his face for longer than our time together tonight, then I needed sleep. Quickly. ¡°I should really get back to my apartment to give this plan a chance in hell at being successful. Maybe a few hours of sleep will miraculously clear my head and body of any lingering effects of way, way too many drinks thanks to Urhura¡¯s unique brand of peer pressure.¡± He was on his feet quickly, offering me his hand with a smile that drew my attention to the bit of crusted blood dried around his nose. Not broken, but definitely badly, badly bruised. I took his hand gratefully as he hauled me up a bit too quickly. The world spun, causing me to misstep and stumble instead of regaining my balance. I found my hands pressed against his chest as he stepped forward to catch me before I could fall. Ever the opportunist, he took the chance to place his hands on either side of my face and place another smoldering kiss on my lips. Before I could fall into the trap of his heat again, I managed to pull away with a smile and laugh. ¡°Kiss a man once, and he becomes insatiable. If someone sees us, this whole plan is blown.¡± With a begrudging "Mmmm," he slid his hands away from my face and replaced them harmlessly behind his back. ¡°Can I walk you home at least?¡± ¡°Something tells me that is definitely not a good idea. I¡¯ll be okay on my own. I¡¯m not far, which is good news for my feet in these ridiculous heels of Urhura''s.¡± ¡°That explains why you¡¯re dressed so exquisitely tonight. A little snazzier than your usual leather jacket and boots.¡± I wound up to give him a playful slug on the arm, but rather than risk actually hurting him again, I settled for patting him on the shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re lucky I feel bad for already making you bleed once tonight.¡± ¡°Thank you for sparing me ¡ª this will already be quite the look to sport to the very important board meeting tomorrow morning.¡± He flashed me that huge, charming grin of his, and before I could make any rash decisions that would inevitably ruin any chance of his plan actually working, I smiled back and clasped my own hands together in front of myself. ¡°Goodnight, captain. I¡¯ll see you in the morning.¡± I leaned in to brush a soft kiss along his stubbled jaw, whispering a breathy ¡°thank you¡± lightly in his ear before quickly turning around and heading for the patio stairs.
Resisting the rising urge to look back at him standing on the patio under the twinkling string lights in his worn leather jacket and well-fitted jeans was damn near impossible. Instead, I tried to focus on keeping one foot in front of the other in the damn death trap heels Uhura had insisted I wear. How the hell had I danced for hours in these things? My feet were throbbing after just having walked a few blocks. The thoughts in my brain flowed relentlessly from one wonder to another. Did I really punch a Starfleet captain in the face? Did Jim and I just cross some threshold past friendship and into something more? Was that smart? Was it possible? Was I just really, really drunk? Was I a complete idiot for going along with his bold plan that had such a high chance of failure? As my mind snapped back into reality from the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in my mind, I found myself approaching the end of an alley. What I hadn¡¯t realized as I slowed my pace, a puzzled look crossing my face, was that a group of people had started following me during my aimless, drunken meandering. I had become so engrossed in focusing on not toppling over in my shoes and worrying about everything that had just transpired in the past few hours, that I made a wrong turn on the way back to my apartment. In fact, I had gone several blocks past. Now, coming to a stop just feet from the beige stone wall that created a dead end in front of me, I was the epitome of vulnerable, weak prey. My head was throbbing from the hangover brewing relentlessly in my gut. The ground wobbled beneath me as my vision played tricks on my eyes. In an attempt to gather myself, to find my center in the middle of an enormous shit storm of a situation, I took a deep breath through my nose and exhaled through my mouth as I turned on my too-high-of-heels to face the those who had followed me. Two men were sauntering lazily towards me, spread out evenly to block my only exit, which was the way I had come from. They didn¡¯t stop their approach. Bile pushed up into my esophagus. A way out. There had to be a way out. Stone walls rose to my right and left, too high to climb. A trash can and broken furniture were the only other inhabitants of the dead end, besides me and my queasy stomach. If I could get to the broken furniture fast enough, I would have a weapon. Assuming my coordination and speed wouldn¡¯t falter and fail due to the inebriation that wasn¡¯t fading fast enough for me to evade this situation with my normal ease. Each man was dressed in baggy black clothing, hoods up and over their heads. It was hard to tell in the early hours of the morning if their faces were actually covered with matching black masks or not. All I could see was the glints of their eyes in the useless twinkling lights of the sleeping city. Of course the alley was conveniently dimly lit ¡ª had they herded me here? I could¡¯ve sworn it was the only place in Yorktown that wasn¡¯t alight with bright, artificial light. Anxiety reared up in my gut, and I fought back the urge to scream. It might provoke an attack that could easily be avoided. Smart, Aria. Be smart. You¡¯re battling too many disadvantages to make a careless mistake. Their approach didn¡¯t stop until I felt my back hit the cool stones of the alley¡¯s end. The men closed in around me, forming a half circle just tight enough that it didn¡¯t allow for the slightest gap for me to be able to slide through. Why had I not moved sooner? Was I spending that much time in my own head? Was my thinking that slow? I spread my palms flat against the coolness of the stone, hoping it would help speed up the sobering process. It grounded me, pulling me back into my own body a bit more. My head still throbbed, my vision still blurred, my stomach still churned. Mustering up a steely gaze, I finally found my voice among the bile rising in my throat. ¡°Can I help you gentlemen with something?¡± Laughs from both of them. ¡°As a matter of fact, you can. Just be still, be quiet, and take it. Help us with that, and this will be much, much easier for you.¡± Vomit churned up in my gut, threatening to spill before me and reveal just how easy this would be for them. I swallowed back against it as hard as I could, and tried to turn all my shaking fear into shaking anger. ¡°Don¡¯t touch me.¡± The one who had spoken, the taller of the two, made a ¡°tsk¡± noise before taking a few more steps towards me. All he had to do was reach out and his hands would be on me. Unfamiliar panic roiled around inside of me. I tried to remember how to analyze an opponent, how to identify weaknesses, how to move in unpredictable ways. But as my mind fumbled to grasp even the most basic defensive maneuvers, it was too late. ¡°Wrong answer.¡± And then he was swinging. I managed to duck under the first punch thrown expertly at my head, but at the cost of losing my balance. Just one swing and I was already stumbling to stay on my feet in the high heels that I struggled to simply stand in. I caught my balance, righting myself just as the other man closed in from behind me. Punches and kicks were being thrown from too many directions. I tried to block, tried to fight back, tried to land punches. I tried to scream, tried to find all those skills within myself that I had mastered over the years. But the alcohol, the tiredness, the distractions ¡ª it had all defeated me before I even had a chance of defending myself. Hands grabbed at my hair, my dress, my limbs. I found myself trying to curl up into a ball, trying to protect my head with my hands as best as I could. I was in the position of defeat. Of knowing what was going to come next. Of knowing that there was nothing I could do to get this to stop. I gulped down as much air as possible to fight against the seizing of my body from the panic attack rolling through me. All I could think of was that empty, barely lived in apartment. Of the man there now who was wishing he could¡¯ve walked me home. And now, I was wishing the same thing. I couldn¡¯t wrap my mind around the horror of the situation as the blows rained down on me. If only I would¡¯ve stayed with him. If only I would¡¯ve taken a risk. Instead, I found myself gasping for breath in a dead-end alley where I may very well end up left for dead. Just as I was trying to find my voice to plead with them to stop, a blow connected firmly to the side of my head. And just like that, all the pain and panic was muted. Darkness closed in on my vision as I tried to think about how incredible I had felt just mere minutes ago. How much safer I had felt in his company. How great it had felt to talk, to laugh, to begin to hope. Blackness mercifully took me, and the last sound swimming in my skull was of that old-fashioned music Jim had played that night six months ago in his dark, quiet apartment. I hoped. I prayed to gods I didn¡¯t believe in. Please wake up there. Wake up there, let this be a nightmare. Please, please wake up there.
Searing, blinding pain had me gasping awake into the too-bright beams of Yorktown¡¯s rising sun. Every inch of my body roared with aches and burning pain. I was laying at an awkward angle that caused even more agony to shoot through the core of my being. Eyes. I needed to get my eyes open and figure out where I was. With an excruciating amount of effort, I managed to crack one open. ¡ª the one eye that wasn¡¯t swollen completely shut. After a few difficult blinks, I managed to focus on my surroundings. Alley. The alley. Where two men had cornered me. My breathing grew faster as air rushed through my open lips that burned with pain. Split, no doubt. Crusted with blood from the taste of it. I turned my head against shooting pain and realized quickly that I was heaped into the pile of broken furniture that I had noticed when I thought I had a chance at escaping. With trembling hands that no doubt had a few broken fingers, I fumbled for the watch on my left wrist. Still there. They hadn¡¯t been interested in robbing me. My stomach lurched with bile at the realization of what had happened last night. I managed to push the side button of my watch to read the time, weather and other useless information I didn¡¯t need right now. As it read off ¡°9:02 a.m.¡± , I simultaneously retched up whatever was left in my stomach from last night. The meeting. Accompanying the crew of the Enterprise on its mission. Today. Jim had said to be there at 9 a.m. sharp, if not a little early. He was going to vouch for me to come with on their mission aboard the Enterprise. To train in space. With several heaving breaths, I managed to roll myself out of the pile of furniture and into the alley. I scrambled up onto all fours as my bloodied, bruised and aching limbs burned horribly. I tried pitifully to get myself upright. With a few stumbles and using the wall for support, I managed to get myself up onto my own two feet ¡ª feet that were bare. I didn¡¯t bother searching for those damn high heels. With a few gulps of air and simultaneously rubbing my temples, I started off at a brisk, limping walk down the alley. Thank whatever higher being that I was still alive, and it was early on a Saturday. The streets were mostly empty as I hobbled my broken and bloody body towards the grand lecture hall of the academy. A few people were out milling around, and their gasps and exclamations of shock didn¡¯t register with my brain. I waved people off who tried to approach me, tried to help me. I just hobbled faster, trying to get to the academy as quickly as possible. Fortunately for me and my body that seemed to be on the verge of shutting down with each passing second, I was close. Very close. All I had to do was round two blocks and drag myself up a few flights of stairs before I was limping towards the massive double doors of the hall. More people gasping. More people trying to help me. I waved them all off, some more insistent than others. I thought I had heard someone say something about going to get help. Or maybe they just said that I needed help. It didn¡¯t matter. The doors appeared before me, and I put what little weight and energy I could muster into pushing one open. Whatever conversation had been going on, whatever had been occurring before I stepped into the hall, it slowly came to a stop when I staggered through the doors and into the brightly lit auditorium streaked with morning sunshine. A voice was speaking above the murmurs and whispers. A voice that had laughed with me, been honest with me, enlightened me. But as the quiet interruptions morphed into gasps, the familiar voice stopped mid sentence. ¡°I understand that the board would like to meet the cadet I¡¯m speaking of, and they were supposed to be ¡ª¡± His voice cut off sharply, and the entire room fell silent. I could feel eyes, dozens and dozens of eyes on me as I limped across the overly-polished tile floor to where a podium stood before a panel of very sharply dressed academy officials. Jim started to move towards me, horror drawn across his features, but I held up a battered hand in his direction. His nose was badly bruised from last night. I wonder if that had already been addressed. It was as I held up my hand that I noticed how my fingers were pointing in directions that were gruesomely unnatural. I stared at my hand in horror for a moment before regaining what little composure I had left to muster. He stopped moving, jaw hanging open as he took me in, his complexion paling. One of the members of the board spoke first, breaking the heavy silence that weighed down on the room just as heavily as my own shame and defeat. ¡°Who is this woman, Captain?¡± A few more moments of silence passed before Jim¡¯s voice cut through it, somehow managing to relax me a little bit through all the throbs and shooting pain. ¡°This is, this is the cadet who I was seeking special permission to join the crew on the Enterprise for the mission leaving today, sir.¡± I found balance on my two feet, although I couldn¡¯t eliminate my swaying from foot to foot. I attempted to find my height, to stand up straight. I lifted my chin, squared my shoulders. I faced the full force of the firing squad of the board of the academy with the little dignity I had left. Even though all I wanted to do was collapse. Cry. Cower away from everyone, from the world. ¡°This is the cadet, Captain? Are you sure you¡¯re willing to stake your reputation on vouching for this person who appears to be within an inch of passing into unconsciousness at any moment? I¡¯m fairly sure we can smell every drop of alcohol on her and what would seem to be urine.¡± Jim was quick to respond, his voice growing more firm and louder than the man who had just spoken. ¡°I assure you, sir, that this cadet will be an impactful and much needed addition to the crew of the Enterprise. I will personally see to it that her studies are being carried out and appropriately tested during our mission, and that she contributes to the success and furthering of the Federation¡¯s goals to explore deep space.¡± Silence. Unwavering silence. Darkness was gathering around the edges of my vision. I was losing the fight to stay on my own two feet. But I kept my spine straight as I began to waver. Kept my chin up as I waited to hear their decision. My body trembled with all the exertion it took to keep myself upright. I clenched my fists as hard as I could manage to ground myself in more pain. With a sigh, one of the board members leaned forward to their microphone and delivered their verdict. ¡°On your word and reputation, captain, we grant your request to have this cadet accompany you and your crew on your mission into deep space. Any problems that arise will fall directly on your shoulders, is that understood captain?¡± ¡°Yes sir. Understood.¡± ¡°Very well. Please complete the required documentation and return it to the appropriate office at the day¡¯s end via electronic coms from the Enterprise. Meeting adjourned.¡± As the sound of people¡¯s murmurs and shuffling of standing began to fill my ears, my vision faded into complete blackness. My knees buckled as the words ¡°Thank you for your consideration¡± left my cracked and swollen lips in an inaudible whisper. Chapter 8: Jim ¡°BONES!¡± His name tore out of my mouth in a sharp, battle cry of a yell as soon as the head of the board concluded the meeting. I ran the last few feet over to where Aria was collapsing and managed to get my arms under her before she hit the brightly polished and unforgiving tile.The reek of booze and urine was overwhelming. She had been beaten to hell. ¡°Aria? Aria can you hear me? Aria? What the hell happened to you?! Aria?¡± Running a hand over her bruised and swollen cheek, I tried to get her attention, taking in her puffy eye and cut up lips. Bones was crouching next to me then, out of breath, no doubt having seated himself at the back of the auditorium due to his hatred of formal gatherings and meetings. ¡°Good god, man. I can¡¯t believe this is the same girl who kicked your ass at the river.¡± ¡°Me either.¡± I took in her tattered dress, limbs covered in dried blood and fingers that weren¡¯t quite bent the right way. ¡°I don¡¯t know what the hell happened, Bones. She left the club a little drunk. I offered to walk her home, but she refused. But she was fine, she was fine. Unless she went out to drink more, picked a fight with the wrong people¡­¡± Bones interjected softly, ¡°Jim.¡± ¡°I promised to vouch for her, Bones. And then she goes out and picks a goddamn fight? What the hell ¡ª¡± ¡°Jim.¡± My eyes flew up to Bones, finally peeling away from her unrecognizably swollen face. I had to blink rapidly as my focus shifted. I uselessly looked on as Bones crouched next to me and examined Aria¡¯s pupils with a device from his pocket. It felt like I hadn¡¯t taken a breath since she¡¯d started falling to the floor. I forced a shuttering breath in and out of parted lips. It did nothing to ease the indescribable pain gripping at my heart, beating uncomfortably fast in my chest. Water pooled in my vision as I stared on while Bones conducted a quick and efficient assessing examination. One I¡¯d seen him do countless times before. But this time felt markedly different. Time became slow, nearly unmoving. Each pause seemed overly critical and made my mind race with anxiety. ¡°We don¡¯t know what happened to her, Jim. Don¡¯t go assuming the worst. Not everyone is you. At least not everyone has done what you¡¯ve done. We need to get her to the Enterprise. We¡¯ll treat her in the med bay there since we¡¯re leaving in a few hours anyways. I¡¯m assuming you don¡¯t want to risk taking her to the hospital here since they may ground her, right? Right Jim? Jim?¡± I found myself staring down at her, Bones¡¯ words cracking through my misplaced anger and disappointment from her entrance and appearance. Blinking again through unfamiliar pools of tears in my eyes, I managed to nod my head, and then heard Bones queue up his coms to coordinate an emergency med transport. All I could do was stare down at her. The warm glow of her skin had given way to an ashen, sickly pale color. Her long, wavy hair was matted and knotted. Her dress was destroyed. All the blood, dirt, urine¡­ Suddenly someone was pushing me back, forcing her hand to fall from mine. When I had taken her limp, cold hand into mine, I didn¡¯t know. How long I had been crouched next to her, I didn¡¯t know. There were crew members from med bay getting her loaded up onto a gurney and into the transport. I couldn¡¯t hear anything. My ears rang as if a phaser had gone off right next to my head. Everything played out in slow motion ¡ª her seemingly lifeless body being loaded up onto the gurney. The needle they were trying to place in her arm. The oxygen mask they placed over her face. The way her hand hung limply off of the side of the gurney, like it was begging to be held again, needing to be held again. Bones¡¯ voice and hands on my shoulders broke through my thoughts and pulled me back into reality. Back into sound, into movement. ¡°Jim. They need you on the bridge to get things ready before we depart. You have meetings, schedules and assignments to make. They¡¯ve got a transport for you outside.¡± With a shake of my head, I regained focus and began to mull through the list of busy work Bones had just prattled off. ¡°Okay. Thank you, Bones.¡± The smallness and fragile tone of my voice was painfully unfamiliar to my own ears. I gave Bones a firm pat on the shoulder before walking past him towards the grand double doors that led outside. As I was about to push through them, I turned over my shoulder to ask a favor. ¡°Bones, could you ¡ª ¡° ¡°I¡¯ll buzz you down to med bay when I can, Jim. I promise. As soon as we¡¯ve thoroughly assessed the situation, we¡¯ll let you know.¡± If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I gave him a nod paired with a grim smile as I watched the med bay crew members for a few more seconds. The doors to the transport closed, and the sirens rang out through the now empty hall in a horribly eerie way. People scrambled to get out of the way as the transport peeled away, past me and my own awaiting transport. Slumping into my seat, defeated and mentally paralyzed, I watched the medical transport turn into a speck from the window. My body and mind sagged. Everything felt heavy, disproportioned. These next few hours would be long and draining. I already felt like I¡¯d been awake for an entire day, even though it wasn¡¯t even 10 a.m. yet. Drama and chaos didn¡¯t usually start until after we were in space. It left an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that so much had already happened, that so much had gone wrong before the actual mission had even started. It was either a good sign that it would be smooth sailing after this blip, or a bad sign that the trouble was only getting started, and this mission had already turned down a doomed path. With a deep sigh, I folded my hands together in my lap while my head leaned back against the padded headrest. I tried to gather my thoughts and think about the decisions I would need to make in the coming meetings. Instead, as my eyes closed, my mind drew up images of all the marks and smells and horrors that had comprised Aria¡¯s wrecked body. The whole ride to the Enterprise was a battle to keep my mind right. I couldn¡¯t shake it ¡ª this was a bad sign. A bad, bad sign.
The walk down to med bay seemed to take an eternity, even excluding the fact that I was stopped several times by chatty crew members who needed something or just wanted to shoot the shit. I did my best to give them the bare minimum, but couldn¡¯t shut down the near crippling anxiety I felt about finding out what was going on with Aria. Ultimately, I ended up cutting conversations short and expressing that I had somewhere to be. As I finally rounded the corner to med bay, my eyes caught the time on a digital clock on one of the information screens embedded in the wall. 6 p.m. Where the hell had the day gone? The meetings and discussions had seemed endless, but it sure as hell didn¡¯t feel like a whole day had passed. Why hadn¡¯t Bones buzzed me sooner? What was going on? My pace quickened as I entered the long hallway with patient rooms lining either side. Bones stood with another doctor in front of one of the rooms towards the end of the corridor. Bones turned to look at me as his peer pointed out that the captain was approaching. The doctor gave Bones a pat on the shoulder and left down the opposite end of the hallway. Bones gave me his signature grim smile. The one that either meant he had bad news, that he was perplexed, or that he was just simply at a loss. Bones¡¯ arms were folded across his chest as I approached, his gaze peering into the patient''s room to his left as I came to his side. I followed his gaze into the dimly lit room behind the square glass window. Aria lay on a bed, just a small sliver of her hospital gown showing by her shoulders from underneath the layers of blankets she was covered by. Her hair was still dull and matted. They had cleaned her up as best as they could, revealing dozens of bruises, cuts and scrapes. Feelings of unbearable dread and sadness washed back over me, fresh and powerful. My voice came out in a small, raspy whisper. ¡°She¡¯s the best fighter I¡¯ve ever met. How did this happen?¡± I was met with heavy silence. As I turned to look at Bones, all the breath punched out of my chest. Tears welled in Bones¡¯ eyes as he kept his gaze locked onto Aria. ¡°Bones? What¡¯s going on?¡± He blinked hard a few times before shifting his gaze first to the floor, then finally to me. ¡°She was brutally beaten by several men. We managed to get her consent for a sexual assault exam, which was negative. Her body is a mess, Jim. One of the worst physical beatings I¡¯ve ever seen.¡± Ringing filled my ears again. My knees wobbled. I had to reach out to place a hand on the glass to keep from collapsing. My hand covered my mouth as my eyes closed, my head shaking back and forth. The words I had said earlier rang through my skull over, and over, and over again. ¡°I thought she did what I did, Bones. I was mad at her, I was ¡ª¡± ¡°Stop, Jim. Stop. Don¡¯t do that to yourself. That¡¯s why I told you earlier to not assume. It¡¯s dangerous.¡± I blinked fast against the tears in my eyes that continued to gather as I gazed at her broken body. ¡°Has she been awake at all?¡± Bones looked back down to the floor again before meeting my gaze as he stood propped against the window. ¡°She was awake briefly while we were getting her out of her ruined clothing. She was hysterical. Screaming, thrashing. We gave her a light sedative. It''s worn off, and I¡¯ve been in once along with the psych doctor to try and speak with her. To try and get names, information, something to relay back to Yorktown. She didn¡¯t feel comfortable speaking with us, just gave us the bare minimum. You¡¯re the only one who knows her, Jim. Even a little.¡± ¡°I¡¯m going to sit with her until she wakes up. I want to be here when she does. I¡¯ll see what I can do, no promises.¡± The words came quick. It was what I wanted to do. What I had planned to do since seeing her this morning. But duty, as always, had called. And now, in the evening and through the night, I would not be needed as captain. I was needed as a friend, as a confidant. As support. With a grim nod and pursed lips, Bones walked past me back down the hallway. As I turned to enter her room, I called out to him before he rounded the corner and out of sight. ¡°Nothing outside of emergencies, Bones. And I mean immediate peril, galaxy-ending emergencies. Got it?¡± ¡°Yes, captain.¡± My hand rested on the smooth metal of the door for several moments before I gathered the nerve and strength to step inside. With a deep breath, I pushed my finger to the keypad to the right of the door and stepped into an eerie silence that was punctured with the beeping and whirring of machines. The noises gripped my heart even tighter, making me feel queasy and lightheaded. Carefully and quietly, I pulled up a chair to her bedside. My gaze remained downcast as I leaned my forearms onto my knees. One of my hands mindlessly reached up to unbutton the collar that suddenly seemed too tight around my neck. I should¡¯ve changed before coming down, into something that would¡¯ve been a tad more comfortable to sleep in than my captain¡¯s uniform. But the minor inconvenience paled in comparison to what lay before me. After what could¡¯ve been seconds or minutes of watching myself wring my own hands, I finally gathered the nerve to look up at Aria. To see her up close, to see the impact of each and every bruise, the harshness of every scrape, the casts on her fingers¡­ unfamiliar tears that I¡¯d been managing to keep in since this morning finally began to spill over the brims of my tired, weary eyes. And in the silence of her hospital room, with only the beeping of machines to keep me company, I sat and cried for the first time in a long, long time. All of my guilt, grief and anger fully overcame me, and I completely succumbed to the ruthless, swirling whirlpool of my crushing emotions. Chapter 9: Aria Slowly cracking my eyes open to a dimly lit room instantly sent my heart crashing against my ribs. It melded all-too easily with the recent memories of two hooded figures coming towards me, closing in as my vision blurred and my coordination failed. Sharp. I was always sharp. I blinked as fast as I could in an effort to dispel what I hoped was an illusion of that horrid alley. My brows furrowed as I took in the smooth ceiling, the dimmed recessed lighting, the cabinets and sterile sink across the room from my bed. Beeps and clicks of machines became clearer as my hearing oriented. And next to me, sitting next to me ¡­ Jim. The captain was perched in a chair that he had pulled up next to me. All I could see was a mess of his dirty blonde hair as his head rested on his arms that were folded onto the side of my bed. Before I could even fathom why he was here, and what it meant because he was here, I took stock of my body, of my condition. Casts on the fingers of my right hand, my dominant punching hand. A cast on my defensive left arm. Every inch of my skin seemed to throb with bruises, every joint ached with dull fire. My left eye was swollen shut, my mouth puffy and lips chapped. And dry. Everything was dry. My eyes, my throat, even my skin. The fingers of my left hand were resting just a hair away from Jim¡¯s folded arms. With an enormous amount of effort and concentration, I tried to wiggle my casted and bare fingers just enough to graze the exposed skin of his forearm. It was no use ¡ª I couldn¡¯t muster the strength to reach over even such a small sliver of distance. It would have to be something more abrupt, unfortunately. So I settled for clearing my throat, which of course made me cough, which of course was much louder than I wanted it to be. Jim woke with a start, his bright blue eyes reddened, and his face creased with lines from the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt. His eyes searched the room frantically for a moment before resting on my face. The dim lighting of the room accentuated the bags under his eyes, making his exhaustion far more pronounced. Glassy blue irises traced over my face again and again, and his lips trembled as he searched for words to say. I saved him the heartache, and managed to find my voice from deep, deep within myself. ¡°Guess I should¡¯ve just let you walk me home, huh?¡± It came out in a voice I did not recognize. A raspy, broken sound, born of far too much screaming and yelling. His face crumpled at my feeble attempt at a joke. With several shakes of his head and a stray tear streaming down his cheek, he spoke my name. ¡°Aria, Aria I¡­¡± I managed to shake my own head in minute movements, mirroring his disbelief. Shame and nausea swept through my body as I asked the horrible question in a quiet, too small voice. ¡°Do you know what happened?¡± He sucked in his bottom lip and bit down on it, maybe in an effort to keep any more tears at bay. Even if I wanted to cry, I couldn¡¯t. Everything about me felt dry, withered up, lifeless. ¡°The gist of it, yes.¡± I nodded slowly, shifting my gaze to my cast-covered fingers, attempting to focus on getting them to move. There were a lot of questions swirling around in my brain that I would¡¯ve given anything to have go away for a long, long while. Why did I have to leave the safety of his company? Why did I have to be so afraid of a man¡¯s intentions when I didn¡¯t even know what they truly were? Why didn¡¯t I fight harder? Why didn¡¯t I get away? Why was I constantly denying myself happiness? To push the questions out of my mind, to get my wheels to stop turning so quickly, to shove the grueling hard work of having to sort through this mess down, down, down, I started talking. About what had happened. My gaze remained locked on my sad, broken hands as I let my thoughts flow clumsily. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to make a choice I was going to regret. I didn¡¯t trust myself, having been drinking, to make a smart choice with you¡­ I thought having you walk me home would inevitably lead to more. And after you offered to help me, to have me come with you on the Enterprise¡­ I wanted things to move slowly. But I was out of it. I thought I knew where I was going, but my mind was racing. I wanted to get back to my apartment, to get what little sleep I could before this morning¡­ but I made a wrong turn. I turned into an alley. And before I could realize what danger I had put myself in, there were¡­ there were... ¡° Jim¡¯s voice came out in a whisper, his features drawn with grief and exhaustion. ¡°Aria, you don¡¯t have to ¡ª ¡° But I just kept going, kept letting words tumble out one after the other. I needed them out of me, like bleeding poison from a wound. I wanted it out so I would never have to talk about it again. I wanted him to hear so he could try and understand my shatteredness, my new burden, my truth. ¡°There were two of them. All dressed in black with hoods drawn over their heads. I tried to think of a way out, to defend myself, to escape them, but¡­ I was too drunk, too tired¡­ All I could do was fight back as best as I could. Which was far, far too little.¡± My voice faded away as what few tears I had left finally came out of my beaten eyes. Reflexively, he started to reach out for my hand ¡ª my uncasted hand ¡ª but caught himself halfway. As he was lowering it back to the bed, I managed to find what little voice I had left. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± After a glance towards me for extra reassurance, he reached out again and gently, so gently took my battered hand into his. With tenderness I had never experienced before, he traced over every little cut, scrape and lingering streaks of dirt on what little exposed skin I had with his thumb. I looked on through swollen eyes in disbelief. Even though there was so much that remained unsaid, so many problems to sift through, so much hurt pulled taut between us, this small moment briefly eased all the grief and heaviness from my mind. For now. For the present. A smile tugged at the corner of my tender lip as I looked on at our hands laying across my sore legs. From the corner of my eye, I saw the movement of blinds as someone drew them over the window. ¡°I¡¯m on the Enterprise.¡± He pulled his gaze away from my hand, and his tired blue eyes met mine along with a matching, half-hearted smirk of his own. ¡°You are. Turns out all those dangerous and successful missions in deep space paid off for me after all.¡± A chuckle escaped through my cracked lips, and for a second, I felt like I did last night. Before all of this pain had shored up between us. ¡°Jim¡­ Thank you. For staking your reputation on me. For giving me this opportunity, I was¡­ I was really going nowhere. You really ¡ª ¡° ¡°Please don¡¯t, Aria. It was the least I could do, and now, after all this¡­¡± I reached over with my other cast-covered hand and placed it on top of his, stopping him from stroking my skin with that lighter-than-air touch. With as much strength as I could muster, I gave his hand a squeeze. ¡°Thank you.¡± He just stared down at our hands, his mind obviously still miles away. I couldn¡¯t take the heaviness radiating from him, the grief, the self loathing. The conversation needed to shift before I found myself slipping into his misery too. ¡°What¡¯s the plan? How did you convince them to let me back into the academy? And on the Enterprise?¡± The officialness of my question made him sit upright, his hand pulling away from mine. Distancing himself from what happened last night and sliding back into the role he had filled so well over the years. His posture straightened in his chair, and even though his hair was mused and his uniform disheveled, he looked every bit of the stoic captain as he was on the dozens of video screens plastered around Yorktown. ¡°Well, the plan is to have you lead combat training here on the Enterprise to fulfill what¡¯s required to complete your speciality. I spun it as self defense to take the militarized edge off of it. You¡¯ll also be tutored in math, reading and science while you¡¯re on board. I¡¯ve selected officers who I feel like will be good mentors and help you excel ¡ª hopefully without overwhelming you. You¡¯ll have weekly check-ins with me, and I¡¯ll submit a report to the board documenting your progress and mental health. And as an added bonus, I included that you¡¯ll also be personally training me in the art of self defense.¡± I blinked at him, shocked at what an immaculate plan he had laid out for me. For me. ¡°That is quite the plan you¡¯ve concocted.¡± ¡°It was pretty spur of the moment since they wanted the paperwork back immediately, but it''s not too shabby.¡± He knitted his hands together between his knees, looking down again with that faraway expression. ¡°After this... unforeseen event, the timeline will be staggered to accommodate your recovery. Your classes and training won¡¯t start until after you¡¯re¡­ healed. Psych will be required to ensure you¡¯re sound of mind. Those reports will also be submitted directly to the board by me. Until then, we¡¯ll still have our weekly check-ins and your tutors will come to you here. We can always delay or alter ¡ª¡± ¡°No. I want to get started as soon as possible. Please.¡± With a slow nod he turned his head back to me. ¡°Your living quarters are¡­ a little less than ideal. Once you¡¯re released from med bay, you¡¯ll be in a¡­ converted living space. Essentially we were already slightly over capacity for this trip, and with an added crew member at the last minute¡­ Well, we had to turn a closet into a room. We¡¯re figuring out the bathroom situation, so hopefully it¡¯s done before you¡¯re discharged from med bay. It¡¯s not much, but it¡¯s here. On the Enterprise.¡± I could hear the punch of him omitting ¡°with me¡±, and it twisted my insides in a way that made me feel even weaker. But I didn¡¯t let it trip me up, and I continued on with our relatively normal conversation. ¡°It¡¯s probably a million times nicer than where I was living before anyways. Cramped quarters don¡¯t bother me. It¡¯ll be just fine.¡± Silence fell over us again, pulsing with the dark mood that still ate away at his face and posture. ¡°I suppose as captain, it¡¯s important for you not to show favoritism. Especially with a cadet you stuck your neck out for.¡± With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair, then placed both hands on his knees as he leaned forward, getting ready to stand. ¡°Yes, that¡¯s very important. Especially having so publicly vouched for you.¡± I swallowed against the dryness in my throat and gave a slight nod in response. ¡°Makes sense to have the blinds shut.¡± The sound of my voice came out far too small, tinged with sadness and disappointment that I would have rather kept hidden. He pulled his lips into a grim smile and stood up, adjusting his uniform and giving his hair a few quick adjustments by running his hand through it. ¡°Bones is an incredible doctor. He¡¯ll take good care of you. If there are any questions you have, let him know and he can relay them to me. From now on, please address me formally following proper conduct and protocol.¡± Something in my chest fell as he approached the door without so much as looking at me as he spoke such formal, stiff words. ¡°Ok.¡± As he moved to pull open the door, he paused. ¡°Feel better.¡± And with that, he was gone. Those final words about being formal and following protocol¡­ of course that was to be expected. But after last night, after his appearance here¡­ it churned up so much confusion and so many questions. It was obvious that he had a lot on his mind, with being captain, with whatever mission he was tasked with. Of course he didn¡¯t want to be burdened with an additional worry, another task, something else that could potentially go wrong. I owed him a debt, a massive one. He had made it clear that we were commander and subordinate, and that was to be it. I would have to work hard to prove that he was right to stick his neck out for me. To prove to the board that I was an asset, and not a hindrance to one of their most prestigious captains. Even though my heart had ached deeply when he left with such a formal, dismissing statement. Even though there was far too much left unsaid about what had happened between us last night. As thought after thought swirled through my mind, I gave up the fight of trying to keep my eyelids from drooping. Far, far away, I heard the door open and someone offered me water through a straw. I managed a few deep gulps, some drops escaping down my chin which were dabbed away gently, before the lights were dimmed to near darkness, and the door shut softly again. As sleep swept over my exhausted body, I hoped that it would be peaceful and free of any horrors from last night. The phrase ¡°dreamless sleep¡± repeated over and over again in my mind before sleep finally took hold, and I slipped away from the small confines of the hospital room and into the vast depths of my mind. Chapter 10: Jim Time, as it turned out, was not on my side. No matter how much time I spent buried in paperwork, or asking to hear unnecessary and heavily detailed engineer status reports, or talking with Spock about any and everything that he could drone on and on about forever, or even on the bridge making decisions and giving orders, it was never enough. Not even close. Thoughts of Aria always drifted and wove their way through my mind. When I met with officers or crew members. When I read reports. When I ate meals. When I sat alone in the crippling emptiness of my captain¡¯s quarters. She would shore up between thoughts of being full after dinner, or deciding how to effectively improve fuel storage for longer hauls across space. The one thing that I continued to be grateful for day after day was that I never actually ran into her. Well, when she was awake, at least. Our paths had crossed in the most unexpected and unusual place last week. I had popped down to ask Scotty some questions about the fuel reserves, in order to gather more information for my report back to command, when I noticed he was acting awfully unusual. He seemed on edge, even jumpy as I asked him a few harmless and relatively easy questions. So when I had finally pushed him on why he was acting so strange, he caved after a few more minutes of denial and admitted to being weird because someone else was there. That¡¯s when he led me around a corner just past his desk, where curled up on top of two large crates was Aria, sound asleep with Keensner laying on the floor nearby, snoring away. Apparently she¡¯d gotten on well with Scotty, and would come down to the engineering quarters outside of their scheduled lessons to hang out and chat. The sight of her peacefully curled up, Scotty¡¯s coat over her, struck a nerve deep, deep inside of myself. I was glad she¡¯d fallen in quickly with my crew, finding companionship and friendship easily. And part of me felt so unbelievably hurt that I should¡¯ve been the one offering her a safe harbor to unwind and relax in. The reasons for that being impossible were lengthy, and that impossibility was the main reason why I¡¯d gone out of my way to avoid any and all contact with her since the journey had begun. I had stared at her in silence for a few moments before turning and leaving, assuring Scotty that I was fine and got all I had needed from him. He tried to press me, explain himself for why she was there, how she¡¯d been struggling and I just couldn¡¯t listen to another word. I walked away, fists clenched and emotions drawn tight in my chest. I barely made it back to my quarters, sliding down the door as it closed and holding my head in my hands as the weight of everything pushed down on me yet again. And then there was Uhura. The week before last, she¡¯d loudly sat down across from me in the cafeteria where I¡¯d been content to eat my sad dinner alone, and then go about my dismal night. She had another plan entirely. She¡¯d pinned me down with that intense, serious look of hers, and told me I needed to figure my shit out and talk with Aria. And then she told me what had happened the previous night in the corridors of my ship, while I¡¯d been tucked away in my quarters, drinking my sorrows away with sip after sip of whiskey. ¡°I was walking back to my room after a late night on the bridge decoding some messages that were particularly complex when I passed a hallway that was a dead end. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone sitting on the floor against the wall. It was Aria. She was shaking, crying, afraid that people were coming after her. She¡¯s traumatized, Jim. She has post traumatic stress disorder, and I know I am not the first person to be telling you that. She needs you. She needs you to own up and put your pride aside. To hell with your damn title and to hell with the rules. Figure it out, Jim, before you lose her altogether.¡± After a few more moments of staring at me with that deathly serious look of hers, Uhura stood up abruptly and left me alone to finish my tasteless food. My jaw clenched tightly, and I was shooting up and out of my chair heading towards the exit. I speed-walked my way back to my quarters, trying to keep the rising anger inside of me in check until I was at least out of sight of any crew members. And just as my door shut behind me, I unleashed a punch right into the unforgiving metal of the wall. A barrage of swears escaped my mouth as I doubled over, holding my fist in agony. I nursed my injury that night while nursing a glass of whiskey ¡ª the only thing that would comfort me as I couldn¡¯t even go to med bay without incurring the wrath of Bones and his lectures about my behavior. While I felt as if I were hiding in plain sight, the handful of people on this ship who knew me best were well aware of the situation I¡¯d created. And they were not interested in letting it go, or letting me forget about it for a second. At times, I wished my damn friends weren¡¯t on this damn ship with me. But those moments were fleeting, as they were the only things keeping me anchored to any form of sanity. So even in such an enclosed environment, with quite literally no escape, at least I hadn¡¯t had the misfortune of being directly cornered by her in a hallway or being taken off guard by seeing her from across a room. I had even managed to find a loophole in the weekly check-ins I had arranged as part of the agreement with Starfleet command to let her come aboard for this mission. Bones. It had required a lot of pathetic begging and pleading. The man could not be bought, bartered or reasoned with. It was actually far more painful to bring it up with him then to just go through with the damn meetings myself. All his talk about shirking responsibilities and avoiding my feelings. In all actuality, it made much more sense for Bones to be the one doing the weekly assessments. After all, he was the licensed doctor, and was a far better candidate to evaluate her as an unbiased third party. Given my mindset over the past three weeks, I probably would¡¯ve just deemed her unfit for space travel and had her escorted back to Yorktown on a medical transport as soon as she was healed from her¡­ attack. The word was so guttural, so horribly brutal. It had been stuck in my mind ever since I had read Bones¡¯ official report in the days following their departure. A thorough, incredibly detailed report that had me pouring drink after drink as I read it at night alone in my quarters. Between trying to decode the cryptic nature of this mission, aligning and realigning crew members based on their specialties and skills, ensuring the success and competency of the cadets on board, and determining whether or not the Enterprise was actually ready for this annoyingly vague mission they¡¯d been sent on, I was spent. Tapped. Drained. I knew all those weeks ago, after fighting to have her brought on as a part of the crew and learning of her horrible attack, that it was a mistake. There was no capacity left in my brain to have time at the end of the day to nurture and care for a relationship that mattered a surprising amount to me. As badly as I wanted to, as much as it pained me to ignore it, there was no other way. Not to mention the one person who I did want to spend time with, alone and otherwise, was the one person who I should not be spending time with. Per my own agreement with the board of Starfleet. So in the last three weeks, I conveniently only had time to deal with the seemingly endless amount of tasks and chores around the Enterprise as I struggled to deal with my own personal hell that I created on a very, very small ship that I was destined to be on for the foreseeable future. And in the farthest corner of my mind, I knew that it would come to a head at some point. I knew I couldn¡¯t avoid her forever. But just maybe, with any luck, I could give myself enough time to make more distance between myself and the situation. But life, as it turned out, had other plans. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. As I was walking back to my quarters late in the evening with Bones, chatting about the new med bay cadets and their potential for promotion, someone called out after me. Dread gathered in the pit of my stomach, and everything in my already exhausted body instantly tensed. The voice belonged to none other than Aria. We came to a stop as Bones gave me a look with raised eyebrows and an annoying you-had-it-coming smirk plastered on his face. He made to leave, to keep walking, but I gave him a stern look and mouthed ¡°you¡¯re staying¡± just as I was turning around to face her. And, of course, she was a sight to behold. Her pale-blonde hair was drawn up into a high ponytail with stray wisps falling around her face and neck ¡ª framing her slightly flushed face perfectly. Her eyes were clear and bright under determined brows as she stood in front of the two officers in¡­ training shorts and a well-fitted Starfleet athletic shirt. Sometimes it felt as if the universe was begging, taunting me to just jump into an escape pod, desert, and be done with all the demands, politics and complications of being a Starfleet captain. And as I entertained the vision, the dream of leaving this dreaded moment behind and walking coolly to the first escape pod I could find, I took a deep breath while drawing my posture up to its full height. Shoulders square, jaw clenched, eyes critical. Maybe I could make her cut this interaction short if I amplified the cold hearted bastard I¡¯d been in the past weeks by a thousand. ¡°Cadet. It¡¯s late, and I¡¯m retiring to my quarters. You can formally request a meeting to talk via the portal on your coms. Now if you¡¯ll excuse us, doctor McCoy and I will ¡ª ¡° Her resolve was unbroken by what I had hoped was a fierce, cold demeanor. She matched my posture, squared her own shoulders and stared back at me with a gaze that gathered more intensity with each passing second. ¡°I have concerns and questions that I¡¯ve been seeking to have addressed for the past few weeks, captain. I have attempted to schedule a meeting through the portal with no success. I happened to see you on my way back from teaching my training class, and determined that addressing you in person ¡ª ¡° ¡°I can assure you, cadet, addressing me in person was not the correct choice. Submit a request through the portal and I will see what I can do about scheduling a meeting sometime in the near future.¡± She took a step closer to me, jaw visibly clenched, breathing harder ¡ª no doubt from the rising anger caused by my own stubborn, sterile formalities. It took more effort than I thought to keep myself planted firmly, to not yield an inch forward or back. The same conflict I¡¯d been fighting constantly over the past weeks. Listen to my heart and take things further, or do the right thing and get her off this ship to prevent any unnecessary pain for both of us. Instead, I had fallen into the horrible gray area in between. Avoidance. And now, as both of us stood in front of each other, squared off and looking like we were ready to start swinging, I stood my ground and was ready to continue on into the gray abyss I¡¯d charted us on weeks ago. ¡°With all due respect, captain, I find it highly unlikely you will formally schedule a meeting with me, as it has yet to happen in the past three weeks. Excuse me if thinking that intercepting you in person would be the next best way to address my concerns about our ¡ª ¡° ¡°I advise you to correct your tone, cadet, before you find yourself with disciplinary action taken against you. You will use the proper channels to schedule a meeting, and you will be able to address your concerns with a third party present to meet Starfleet code. Is that clear?¡± The flush in her cheeks had grown much deeper now, her fists visibly clenched at her sides as they shook ever so slightly. ¡°Captain this is complete ¡ª ¡° ¡°Schedule a meeting properly, cadet, and see yourself to your quarters.¡± And there it was. I had managed to outlast her in the shoot out of a conversation. The sag in her shoulders and subtle frown tugging at her lips told me as much. She stepped back as her hands moved behind her back in a formal gesture, looking down at the ground for a moment before looking up to speak again. There was a softness in her eyes, along with a weary, tired look that nearly had my whole hard-ass facade crumbling. ¡°Jim, look, I just want the chance to ¡ª ¡° ¡°Return to your quarters, cadet. That¡¯s an order.¡± Everything in her posture slumped as she turned her gaze back to the ground before looking up one last time to give Bones a lipless smile and a small nod. She turned on her heel, ponytail swishing behind her as she walked down the deserted hallway at a quick pace. When at last she¡¯d rounded the corner, out of sight and her sneakers out of earshot, I finally let my own posture fall as immense exhaustion weighed down on me more heavily than it had in the past weeks since her incident. ¡°For god''s sake, man, have you lost your damn mind?¡± ¡°Look Bones, I¡¯ve heard this speech from you an insufferable number of times in the past weeks. I¡¯ve made the choice to stay neutral in an effort to let the whole thing just¡­ fizzle out. And now I¡¯m going back to my quarters so I can get some damn sleep after this nightmare of a day. I¡¯ll see you tomorrow morning on the bridge for the med bay status report.¡± And as I finally turned to look at him, I saw exactly what I had expected. The furiously drawn brows, tightly closed mouth and harshly judgmental gaze. Arms crossed across his chest, tension drawn between his shoulder blades like a bowstring. Pissed off Bones. By far my least favorite Bones. Before he had a chance to respond, I clapped him on the shoulder and started making my way back to my quarters. The displeasure rolling off Bones was palpable. I could feel it in the air as I walked past him, and as his eyes bore into my back. Just as I was about to round the corner to the hallway where my quarters were, Bones called out after me in a tight, frustration-laced tone. ¡°There¡¯s no running in space, Jim. This ship will only get smaller and smaller. Deal with it before it inevitably deals with you.¡± The words made my teeth grind together as I sighed deeply through my nose. Of course the man had a point. One that he had been trying to drive through my skull day after day for the past few weeks. Maybe it was seeing her, talking to her for the first time since the day of our departure from Yorktown. The flush of her cheeks that I¡¯d missed seeing, the undeniable bounce in her step that always fell in line with her mood. Whatever it was, it gave me pause as I stood before the door to my quarters. Resting a hand on the top of the doorframe, I reached up to undo the collar of my uniform. My breathing seemed to come so much easier as soon as the fabric fell free. Drawing air into my lungs deeply, I ran my free hand through my hair, and then over my face. Drinking and sleeping deeply were what my body was screaming for. To go into my quarters and sit in the same depressed stupor as I had night after night for weeks now. But I found my feet moving to walk back from where I¡¯d just come from. Past the spot where Aria had confronted me, past where Bones had just given me the same piece of truth he¡¯d religiously spouted to me each and every day since that dreadful night in med bay all those weeks ago. And now, after walking as fast as I could without running, I stood right in front of the door to her room ¡ª the same door I¡¯d seen countless times on the blueprints of the ship when we needed to find space for her. The same door I¡¯d stared at on the same blueprints during my nightly stupor on my uncomfortable couch. Running one of my hands through my hair and taking a deep breath through parted lips, I raised my hand to knock. And before I could second guess myself, before I could turn and head back to the comfort of my emotionless gray in between, my knuckles firmly rapped on the metal in three quick motions. This would either start poorly and end poorly, or start poorly and end up somewhere at least slightly better than where we started. Either way, it wouldn¡¯t be anywhere near as painful as the situation I¡¯d put us in now. I was done running, done pretending. And the seconds I spent waiting for her to come to the door seemed to drag on forever. With a look down at my boots, I closed my eyes and hoped that she¡¯d answer. Because hope, it would seem, was something I had just been too afraid to do. But for her, for this, I would hope. Even if every second waiting outside her door made me into more of a nervous wreck. Even though it made me uncomfortable, made my heart accelerate in a ridiculous way ¡ª I hoped she¡¯d at least answer the door. I hoped to get a chance. Just one chance. Chapter 11: Aria Ignoring the first three knocks on the door had been easy as I sat at the laughably small table placed in the center of the literal closet of a room I called my own aboard the famed Enterprise. Since this space had actually been converted into a ridiculously small-sized living space from a supply closet, most people were confused when they couldn¡¯t simply get in to grab whatever essential item they needed. Why they knocked I wasn¡¯t entirely sure ¡ª if it was a closet that was now locked, who or what would be inside to open it? Regardless of people¡¯s perceptions or thoughts, after the first knocks and no response they usually went on their way to find another unlocked supply closet. Tonight, of all nights, I would have no such luck. Because the person outside my door kept knocking. And knocking. And knocking. And that would¡¯ve been fine if this had actually been a locked, unoccupied supply closet. But no, this was my only private space aboard this ship that had proven to be more of a claustrophobic curse than a brilliant opportunity in the past weeks. It was the only place where I felt like I could let loose my tears of frustration, or punch the old speed bag I¡¯d mustered up from the training center as hard as I could ¡ª and maybe even yell a few times ¡ª without being observed or judged or questioned. And now, some idiot found it necessary to interrupt my futile attempt at studying through watering eyes. The pretend act was at least keeping me somewhat distracted from what had just happened with Jim ¡ª with the captain. With a huffing breath, I forcefully pushed myself back from the table and stomped the few meager steps it took for me to reach my door. I made no effort to try and compose myself before forcefully punching the code into the small keypad. My hair was no doubt still a mess, my cheeks flushed with emotion and stained with tears, water still blurring my eyes from how unbelievably pissed off and dumbfounded and upset I was at the interaction that had just occurred between myself and the captain of this godforsaken ship. Without even bothering to straighten out the small pair of worn-out sleep shorts and oversized old T-shirt I¡¯d tossed on the second I¡¯d stepped back into my room, I slammed ¡°enter¡± on the keypad with my pointer finger and crossed my arms across my chest, ready to breathe fire at whatever moron was relentlessly pounding on my door so late at night. But just as my eyes flicked up to deliver a devastating glare to the person carrying out such high levels of annoyance, my jaw fell open at who stood before me, a hand braced on the top of the door frame, his hair mussed, uniform unbuttoned at the collar. Before I let myself spiral out of control, letting all my feelings and emotions from the past weeks get the best of me, I straightened my posture and met that piercing blue gaze of his with the steely glare I¡¯d wanted to lead with before I knew who was on the other side. ¡°Is there a reason for this late night visit outside of protocol, captain? Surely as the highest rank aboard this ship, you have no need to personally see to such a menial issue with a lowly cadet. I will follow the proper procedure to schedule a meeting. Now if you¡¯ll excuse ¡ª ¡° ¡°Aria, please, let me ¡ª ¡° ¡°Please? Please captain? Please allow me to explain to you how it feels to be treated like a stranger who¡¯s so far beneath you that you might as well spit on me. Please let me tell you how it feels to know you¡¯re being avoided at every turn. Please understand that I do not want to see you right now after how you just treated me. Now if you will kindly remove yourself from my door frame, I¡¯ll see you at our formal, proper meeting. Goodnight captain.¡± But he didn¡¯t move. He planted himself in the doorway, the sensors beeping infernally due to being held open too long. His eyes were wider now, pinning me down under that blue gaze that was brimming with determination and what might''ve been just a bit of hurt. Good. That was just a fraction of what I¡¯d endured the past few weeks. ¡°Captain, kindly remove yourself from my doorway so I can ¡ª ¡° ¡°Aria. Can I please come in so we can talk? I am so unbelievably sorry about what just happened, I am. I want to explain ¡ª ¡° ¡°I¡¯m sure this is something that can be discussed at our formal meeting captain ¡ª ¡° But the damn beeping from the door¡¯s security protocol was getting louder and faster with each passing second. It was becoming impossible to think or hear over all the racket it was creating. ¡°Please move, captain. As you said, this conversation can ¡ª ¡° And before I could react to what was happening, I was being pushed into my room as he finally released his hands from the doorframe, causing it to slam shut at an alarming speed and forcing him to stumble forward. I stepped away from him, shocked at the choice he had just made to fall his way into my quarters, and I was just about to reach behind him to reopen the door when he stepped in front of me. My tongue was poised and ready to strike with just about every foul thought I¡¯d had about him in the past few weeks when his movement trapped my words in my mouth. He pulled me into him, arms wrapping tightly around my waist, head tucked over my shoulder. The moment he touched me, it was as if he had paralyzed me. Arms limp at my sides, knees feeling as if they could give way at any moment. My eyes grew wide as my breathing hitched in my chest, getting lost in the raw emotion that was threatening to spill from my own heart and mind. His lips moved to my ear, his voice barely more than a whisper. So very, very quiet after the near deafening beeping of the door. ¡°This conversation cannot wait. Not anymore. I am so sorry, Aria. So, so sorry.¡± And as his words found that place deep inside myself, the place that had been dealing with so much hurt, confusion and anger the past weeks, I couldn¡¯t fight the fact that the fire of my anger seemed to melt away into steam at the comfort of his words and embrace. ¡°I still can¡¯t decide if I want to punch you, scream at you, or throttle you, but I am glad that you¡¯re finally here.¡± With a quick and deep settling breath, I stepped back from his arms and tried to find my own sense of space again in the ridiculous closet that I called my quarters. Now that he was here of his own accord, I could steer this conversation directly where I needed it to go. This was my territory. I cast my face with a determined, stern mask as I moved to pull out the one chair around my small, round table that was currently piled with textbooks, papers and other miscellaneous studying materials. ¡°Take a seat, captain. You¡¯ve got some explaining to do.¡± I slid past him with my gaze focused on my unmade bed ¡ª the only other seating option in my converted-closet quarters. While I could consciously make a choice not to look at him as I brushed past where he stood, I couldn¡¯t keep myself from breathing in the aroma of natural musk and bit of cologne that swirled up in the air around me. The smell took me straight back to that night in his apartment, the night outside of the club. Nights I had fought hard to forget about during the hell that had been the past weeks dealing with his horrible attitude towards me and the crippling weight of the stress from studying and giving combat lessons and dealing with my trauma. But the feelings of those nights were not my priority right now. As I sat down on the edge of my mattress, bouncing slightly as I crossed my arms and legs, I kept my face fixed in a stern expression with my eyes focused in a critical gaze. Try as he might to disarm me with his disheveled uniform and his natural ability to be so effortlessly handsome, I kept my thoughts on what was important. The mess he had created between us. His brash and arrogant demeanor. How easily he had dismissed my existence after what had transpired between us. Before he took a seat in the chair at the table, he pulled it to the side to be much, much closer to where I was seated on my bed. Our knees were only a few inches apart. And as he leaned forward to rest his forearms on his knees, I could have reached out and run a hand through his hair. His proximity combined with the heat that was still lingering on my skin from his embrace ... Focus Aria. There are things you need to say and need to hear. Focus. He pulled in a deep breath through open lips, his eyes cast downwards towards my crossed feet, and he let it out before folding his hands between his knees as he tried to find words. One of his knees started bouncing up and down while I waited in the thick silence. Then, he started to wring his hands together. Just as I was about to ask him if he was okay, if he really wanted to do this now, he finally started speaking. His voice was quiet, like he was speaking to not be overheard by anyone in a room where there was no one else around. ¡°As you can tell, I am not a man accustomed to talking about or dealing with my feelings in a productive, healthy way. It¡¯s hard for me to say if this would¡¯ve been the case if your¡­ incident wouldn¡¯t have happened. I¡¯d like to confidently say it wouldn¡¯t have, but that seems awfully self-serving.¡± He took another breath before continuing, and I offered him small nods as he spoke, even though his gaze was still downcast at my feet. ¡°Seeing you like that, so badly hurt and not knowing what had happened to you¡­ I assumed the worst right away. That you had gone out of your way to pick a fight or get in trouble. Something I would¡¯ve done. Bones was the one to talk sense into me, and I very quickly realized how horrible of a thing that was for me to do.¡± Another pause followed by a swallow and intentional breath. I kept my posture the same, arms crossed against my chest, although I had naturally leaned forward to be closer to him as he spoke. It was clear how nervous and unsettled he was, and part of me felt that if I closed the distance between us, it might create a more intimate feeling and help him relax, even just a little bit. ¡°I wanted nothing more than to board that medical transport with you. To keep holding your hand, to be with you when you woke up screaming and traumatized and scared. But as the captain of this ship, I had duties and responsibilities to tend to. Add in the fact that I had just publicly staked my reputation on your addition to my crew¡­ I cornered myself into a position to fail you. I couldn¡¯t stand to see myself put your opportunity in jeopardy by blindly following through on my feelings. But I didn¡¯t want to leave you alone after what you had been through, especially since I was the only person you had in your corner. So I went to med bay that night. I don''t know what I thought would happen¡­ if I honestly thought there would be some kind of black and white reality that would¡¯ve snapped into place or what. But seeing you again, so hurt, so broken, yet excited and hopeful about your new opportunities¡­¡± My legs had uncrossed at some point while he had been speaking, allowing me to lean forward onto my knees to match his own position. It brought me closer as his voice grew quieter and wavered a little more with each sentence. I listened intently with a much softer expression than I had sat down with minutes ago. My hands clasped my elbows tightly as I waited for each word. Words I had been waiting weeks to hear. Words that I had wondered and dreamed about, whether I had wanted to or not. This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. ¡°I knew if I did what I truly wanted to do, if I stayed by your side and spent every waking moment I could spare helping you recover and being with you and chasing that feeling I had that night on the patio of the bar¡­ I knew it would jeopardize everything you were working towards. Throw my reputation as a womanizer into the mix and I would no doubt come under fire from the board for using my status and position to bring my girlfriend aboard the ship. The idea of you having to suffer through those accusations and misconceptions because of me¡­ I couldn¡¯t do that to you. And seeing your face light up about just being on board this ship even though you¡¯d just been beaten within an inch of your life¡­ I thought the easiest way to keep your hopes and dreams alive was to put as much distance between you and I as possible.¡± Something seemed to snap in the tension I¡¯d been carrying around in my body for the past weeks. My shoulders slowly sagged from being tight by her ears, my hands fell from my elbows, my jaw released, causing my lips to part slightly. My brow unfurrowed, my spine relaxed. I looked on as his fidgeting slowed, and his body came into stillness. His eyes searched the floor as if he could see exactly what he was talking about unfold before him all over again. When he continued on, his voice was barely above a whisper. As if speaking too loudly might send him back to where he had already been. ¡°That night, when I came to see you in med bay, I had no idea what I was going to do about how I felt. I knew what I wanted, I knew what was wrong about it, I knew what the implications would be. What I wasn¡¯t prepared for was seeing you so damaged and hurt, and what it would do to me. It scared me, Aria. It made me realize how deep my feelings for you really were. And because I already had so much trepidation about our uniquely complicated and seemingly damned situation, it made it easier for me to fall into the choice to distance myself from you. When I sat down in that room next to you, my mind wasn¡¯t made up. But when you said you were on board the Enterprise with such a brightness in your eyes and a smirk on your lips, despite the hell you¡¯d just been through, I knew I had to try and let the things between us go. Because with my position and reputation of being a heartless womanizer, that left you painted in a false and unfair light.¡± At some point while he was giving me a glimpse into his head and heart these past weeks, I had started to hold my breath. As he paused again, I breathed in deep to try and get my breathing back on track. I blinked against the dryness in my eyes from not having been focused on any of my bodily functions while he spoke so candidly with me. And it was as I was trying to regain my composure by figuring out how to breathe and blink normally that he finally lifted his head up and looked at me. And while the tired man I expected was looking back at me, just an arms length away, there was a faint glimmer to his bag-accented eyes and a tug at the corner of his five-o¡¯-clock shadow-surrounded lips that sent my heart beating stupidly fast just like all those months ago. His eyes found mine and kept my gaze as he continued on explaining how exactly it was that we got here. ¡°When I left you in that hospital bed, I thought that time would pass and my feelings would fade. I thought I could continue on with my everyday life, my routines, my usual motions, and the memory of you and the times we had together would just fizzle out ¡ª for you and for me. But as we both know, I was wrong. It didn¡¯t pass. Nothing fizzled. Nothing faded. And I, James Tiberius Kirk, had encountered something scarier than deep space, more terrifying than angry one-night stands and more painful than any hangover I¡¯ve ever had. You. And tonight, when I finally came face to face with you and was verbally slapped by Bones for the umpteenth time, I knew I couldn¡¯t go on acting like I had made the right choice for both of us without your input. Without considering your feelings, without being a half decent man.¡± I looked at him, that signature smirk of his painted across his face and that twinkle in his eyes I had been thrilled by, in shock and disbelief. There was no doubt that every word had reached my ears, had penetrated my brain, and were now settling into my mind and making their way to my heart. My body, finally free of all the tension that had been racking it for weeks, slid back on my mattress to lean against the wall. As if it would help ground me physically and mentally to sort through what I had just heard and everything that had been building up within myself over the past weeks. ¡°I know that¡¯s a lot to process. And I completely understand if punching, throttling, or what was it, screaming at me is still something you need or want to do. I¡¯m also fully willing to know exactly just how little you thought of me over these past weeks. I¡¯m probably not prepared to know just how little that was, or still is, but I¡¯m here and ready to hear every last detail.¡± Before I could think twice about it, before I could hesitate or try to think of something to say, I stood up from my bed and walked past him to a trunk ¡ª one of the few pieces of actual furniture in my joke of a space ¡ª that housed a few of my precious memories and contraband. I could feel his eyes on my back as I dug around for what I needed. After some rustling and clanking, I finally pulled free the bottle of whiskey and two mismatched glasses that were buried at the bottom of the trunk. Finding an empty spot on the wall shelf in front of me, I set the glasses down, popped the top of the bottle free, poured a few sips worth of amber liquid into each one, and placed the bottle back on the shelf within easy reach. With a quick settling breath in and out of parted lips, I turned back to him, in all of the glory of my old gym shorts and oversized shirt. I didn¡¯t dare give myself time to second guess myself and what I was about to do. As I came to a stop beside his chair, he pushed his arms up from his knees and turned his face to gaze up at me. I silently reached out and offered him one of the glasses of whiskey. With the raising of his eyebrows and that smirk still tugging at his lips, he quipped, ¡°This does seem to be our sweet spot, doesn¡¯t it?¡± Before taking the glass from my grasp, our fingers lightly grazed each others, causing that damn giddy electricity to shoot through me. I silently raised my glass in the air before shooting it back. After looking on at me for a few seconds with a curious expression, he followed suit. Both of our empty glasses made a soft clinking sound as we set them down on the table one after the other. Before he could say anything, before he could make the choice to try and steer the conversation back to me or give me another option besides what I had in mind, I looked him in the eye and said quietly, ¡°Ask me to dance.¡± And as my words hit the air and his ears, it took nearly no time at all for him to stand up in front of me and offer his hand as he looked down at me and whispered, ¡°Dance with me?¡± Just like he had asked all those months ago. It brought me back to those feelings I had done nothing but grapple with and torture myself over. Feelings that brought unexplainable warmth to my body, a quickness to my heart and comfort to my mind. As I placed my hand in his, whatever tension was left in my body from the day and from weeks of physical and emotional strain seemed to dissipate. Just as I was about to place my other hand on the wrinkled shoulder of his captain¡¯s uniform, my brow furrowed as I remembered just one very important element they were missing. ¡°I don¡¯t have any music¡­¡± ¡°We don¡¯t need any.¡± His arm slid around my waist, and he gently tugged me into his chest, making it easy for me to bring my face right near his stubbled cheek. My body relaxed even further as the whiskey warmed me up, and I rested my other hand on the firm muscle of his shoulder masked underneath the wrinkles of his no-longer tidy captain¡¯s uniform. And just like that, the two of us were swaying slowly in my too-small quarters within the few feet of uncluttered space between the door and table. The only sound that met our ears was the faint buzz of bulbs and the soft whirr of technology. Warm breath found my ear after we¡¯d settled into a steady rhythm set by his smooth, natural movement. A melody of a song I had never heard before drifted into my ear as he began singing softly to me. His lips grazed my ear with every word, sending small shivers down my spine as I pressed closer to him to get them to subside. The words were so simple, so pure, so perfect after the complete pain and confusion of the past weeks. It didn¡¯t change the fact that there was still so much to tell him about how I¡¯d been feeling. It didn¡¯t change the fact that I was still horribly overwhelmed with teaching combat to crew members and studying and passing. It didn¡¯t change the fact that I was still struggling with what had happened to me three weeks ago. But it helped. It helped take the edge off my constant worrying and second guessing and exhaustion. It helped me feel less isolated, less alone, less aimless. ¡°I found a dream, that I could speak to I dream that I can call my own I found a thrill to press my cheek to I thrill that I have never known¡± Even though it was more whispered than sung, even though I had no idea how the actual song was supposed to sound, even though the pitch of his voice faltered in some places, it was perfect. Because he was singing it for me. A gift and treasure for my ears alone, in my too-small-of-a-room with the faint taste of whiskey lingering on my tongue, along with the foreign feelings of lightness and comfort that I had never really known before. With one last whispered verse, the song was over. We were left swaying in silence, my head leaned against his cheek and my arm wrapped around his shoulder. I took in the feeling of his hand holding mine, now pressed to his chest right above his evenly beating heart. The soothing effect of its steady rhythm somehow made it easy for me to start telling him the gist of what my life had been like since we¡¯d been slogging our way through their own personal hells. It was a brief, very annotated version of my daily struggles. My words flowed from me in a slow stream of relaxed chatter. From the painful check-ins with Bones, to the wide range of personalities of my mentors I had to deal with to fulfill my obligation to finish the studying portion of my time at the academy, to the varying levels of success I had teaching mandatory self defense classes to every crew member on the ship ¡ª which required splitting up classes to several different times during the day, five days a week. The fact that personally training him had fallen by the wayside had been the one small blessing out of the awful mess of him ignoring my existence for weeks and weeks. A fact I spoke out loud, and was met with a quip from him that filled my ear with the rumble of his voice. I didn¡¯t mention that I was still struggling with the aftermath of the incident. It seemed too heavy for the moment. And the way my eyelids were already drooping, I was shocked I was still managing to muster up energy to sway back and forth with him. We had settled into a comfortable silence, my eyes moving between open and closed at longer and longer intervals. His head came to rest on top of my own, which was now laid fully on his shoulder, sometime after he¡¯d finished singing to me. During one of the long moments when my eyes were shut, he slowly brought our swaying to a halt. We stood in each other''s arms for a few more seconds, the only movement being his thumb moving across the back of my hand that was still resting over his heart. I didn¡¯t know what would come next. I hadn¡¯t thought that far ahead. As I started to consider where the night ¡ª rather early morning ¡ª could go, I felt his lips move against my hair as he murmured, ¡°It is way past my bedtime,¡± before pulling himself away from me for the first time in what must have been at least an hour. Disoriented from nearly being asleep and from everything that had transpired in the last handful of hours, I nodded and mindlessly smoothed my clothes. He mimicked my aimless clothing smoothing as he fidgeted with the collar of his uniform and his sleeves before taking a step past me and moving towards the door. I turned to watch as he reached for the keypad. He paused as his thumb hovered over the enter key, turning to look at me and no doubt make one last quip before he left. But I beat him to it. Before he could speak, I made the one request that had been at the center of all our conflict since our tenuous relationship had started all those months ago. ¡°Please stay.¡± I was impossibly still as I spoke the words. My voice was quiet, but steady. I looked on as he stood frozen in the same position with his thumb hovered over the enter key. He looked at me as genuine surprise spread across his features, followed by a softening that led into one of those small smirks I had come to enjoy in a way that baffled me. In the few brief seconds he spent pausing before responding to me, I considered what would happen if he said no. If he decided to leave and part ways like they were so used to doing. But he began speaking before I could start to dwell on the possibility of continuing on our constant path of two steps forward, three steps back. ¡°Of course.¡± The words came off his lips quietly as he dropped his hand from the keypad and turned to walk back towards where I stood by my bed. Standing, arms limp at my sides, I looked on as he kicked off his shoes, pulled his long-sleeved captain¡¯s shirt up and over his head and undid the belt to his pants, dropping them to the floor. Suddenly, he was standing before me in my room, in the most intimate and casual way I¡¯d ever seen him. While getting here had been anything but quick, the moment had crept up on me as I stood in front of him. So before I could second guess myself, before looking too closely at just how good he looked in his white undershirt, and definitely before my eyes could wander down to see all the details of his boxers, I leaned over to turn off the overhead light. In the soft and calming glow of the part-broken string of lights I had found discarded on one of the shelves, I walked over to my laughably sized twin bed and laid down with my back to the wall. I looked up at him, my hair spilling over the front of my shoulder carelessly, to find him looking on with subtly parted lips and fists half-curled at his sides. He strode over and sat down on the edge of the mattress before swinging his legs up to lay down and face me. Our bare knees touched, and the tips of our noses brushed together. I took a small steadying breath before letting my heavy lids close. The last image I had was of him settling onto our shared pillow as his bright blue eyes rested on me with that smirk still playing on his lips. As I was finally starting to drift off to sleep after having been awake for nearly 24 hours straight, I felt his hand rest on top of mine in the small space that lay between us. And everything in our small corner of the universe, for just this one moment, was perfectly ok as we fell asleep not wrapped up in each other¡¯s arms, but simply in the comfort of each other¡¯s presence. Chapter 12: Jim It was easy enough to ignore the beeps and buzzing coming from the comms at my wrist. I simply reached up, turned them off, and replaced my hand on top of Aria¡¯s before giving her a lazy, sleep-laden kiss on the forehead, then resettled my nose into the hair at the top of her head. The relentless and consistent knocking on her door, however, was not nearly as easy to ignore. Her hand on my chest grabbed on to the fabric of my undershirt harder as the knocking grew louder and more insistent. After murmuring a string of colorful expletives into her hair and placing another kiss on her forehead, I dragged myself away from her warmth and clumsily made my way to the door. With a few more choice swears as I stumbled into the table and then proceeded to struggle with the door¡¯s keypad, I was finally face to face with the person who was ruining my peaceful, long awaited morning with Aria. After my eyes adjusted to the near blinding light of the hallway, I was met by the all-too familiar scowl of Bones. I should¡¯ve just stayed in bed. Bones would¡¯ve given up ¡ª eventually. Or, he would¡¯ve found a way to get the damn door down with that fiery glower. But there was no sense in wondering what could¡¯ve been. I was here now, facing the wrath of Bones and all his agitated, and no doubt disappointed, glory. ¡°Dammit Jim, they¡¯re getting ready to page you from the bridge. I tried buzzing your comms about a dozen damn times in an effort to avoid anyone else finding out where you were, but you turned your damn comms off. I know you didn¡¯t want me pounding on the damn door either, but you¡¯re needed, and they¡¯re about ready to send out a damn search party to ¡ª ¡° I reached out and placed a firm hand on his shoulder before saying in a sleep-laden voice, ¡°Tell the bridge I¡¯ll be there in a few minutes. Tell them I overslept and turned my comms off." ¡°Jim I ¡ª¡± ¡°I know, Bones. I know. Just trust me that I know. I¡¯ll be on the bridge in a few minutes, okay?¡± With a deeper furrowing of his brows, Bones swallowed whatever words were about to come out of his mouth before turning to head back towards the bridge, muttering something not-so quietly under his breath as he shook his head. ¡°You¡¯re the best, Bones, don¡¯t forget it.¡± He waved me off before rounding the corner and disappearing out of sight. I¡¯d have to make a better effort to smooth things over with him when I wasn¡¯t standing in my underwear and thoroughly agitated about all things related to my title and role on this damn ship that seemed to get smaller by the day. The door slid shut quietly as I stepped back into the soft, dimly lit glow of Aria¡¯s tiny quarters. I was ashamed that I couldn¡¯t have found her something better aboard the ship ¡ª especially with the absurd amount of space I had in my own luxurious quarters. If I could have it my way, she would¡¯ve just stayed with me. Before I could fall into the fresh annoyance the thought had resurfaced within me, I sighed deeply and turned around to face Aria. To my disappointment, she wasn¡¯t lying down in bed like I had left her just minutes ago. Instead, she was sitting on the edge of the mattress, her chin resting on one of her hands with her own defeated expression spread across her features. As my eyes met hers, a smirk that was at odds with her downhearted face tugged on the corner of her lip as she quipped, ¡°Funny how you being the captain of the ship and all seems to somehow keep creeping up on us. Truly shocking.¡± I ran a hand through my hair with a scoff before putting myself in motion to grab my clothes from the chair at the table. ¡°Thank whatever gods actually exist that tomorrow is our day off. I¡¯m just glad I managed to spare Bones the full extent of my complete and utter frustration with the confines of this ship in never-ending space.¡± If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. A soft chuckle came from Aria as I finished tugging on my shirt and started to slip my feet into my boots. Our eyes locked as I stood, fully dressed but still very disheveled. I hadn¡¯t thought this far ahead. All I knew was that when she asked me to stay last night, I wanted to. So I did. All I wanted was to keep laying with her, sleeping in until whenever we decided to get up. I wanted to eat breakfast with her, keep talking about everything and anything. I wanted to feel her next to me again, close enough to hear her breathe, feel her heat. I wanted to close that distance, feel her pressed against me¡­ But the bridge. Duty. Responsibility. Obligation. Before I could figure out what to say, she stood from the bed and took a few steps towards me. She fidgeted with her arms, not quite sure where to put them. After tucking an imaginary strand of hair behind her ear, she folded them across her chest and kept her gaze cast down towards the floor as she spoke. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for asking you to stay. I didn¡¯t even think about what it would mean for ¡ª¡± Before she could finish her sentence, my impulsive nature surged and I closed the distance between us in a second. I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her as I gave her the kiss I¡¯d been thinking about nonstop over the past weeks. After a few seconds of what I was sure was shock, I felt her hands run roughly through my hair before resting at the back of my neck so she could bring me closer to her and deepen the kiss further. Right now, there was nothing but her. My hands roamed down from the sides of her waist over the curves of her backside, causing a groan to escape from her lips that had me losing myself to her completely. I gave her a rough squeeze before moving my hands to the bare skin of her thighs and lifting her up onto the small table. Books and papers fell to the floor as I pushed her backwards, her hands moving away from my hair to run down and over the muscle of my chest. I was losing it. Every last ounce of control I had exercised for weeks and weeks and weeks. I wanted her. Every part of her. But right now, on this damn table with no damn time, was not the right place. From some force deep within myself that I had no idea I possessed, I managed to pull myself away from her lips and rest my forehead against hers. Her hands found neutral ground at the back of my neck again as we both tried to come back down from the cliff we¡¯d just nearly toppled over. I kept my hands on her thighs, gently caressing the soft skin there while trying to get my breathing even. With a few more calming seconds, I finally found the words I¡¯d wanted to speak as soon as she¡¯d tried to apologize for how this morning had gone. I opened my eyes to find her already looking up at me, the hues of swirling gold mesmerizing me like they always did. As my own breathing returned to normal, I took in her still-parted lips and breathing that was still a little quick, and I finally managed to speak. ¡°You never have to apologize, Aria. It was my choice, and I chose you. Never be sorry, not for me.¡± With that, I reached down and kissed her again, with a little too much intensity and for a little too long. And as I pulled away this time, hauling her up with me, she looked up at me with a small smirk and said, ¡°No apologies, huh?¡± ¡°There are most definitely repercussions for abusing my generous offer.¡± I quickly made a halfhearted effort to smooth over my wrinkled uniform, and ran my hands through my hair a few times to try and look somewhat presentable for when I finally made my appearance on the bridge. She reached up to help me pat and smooth over the last few creases on my shirt, and even buttoned my collar together with a gentle touch. I took a deep breath in and out before taking her face in my hands one last time. ¡°I want to see you later. I can page you over comms when I¡¯m back in my quarters. If you¡¯re free, would you come?¡± She chuckled and raised her eyebrows, her face becoming the epitome of skepticism. ¡°You avoid me for weeks, and now you want to see me twice in less than 24 hours? Seems too good to be true, but I¡¯ll come if I can.¡± As I leaned in to kiss her again before I left for the bridge, I paused right before her lips and said, ¡°I was prepared to pull the ¡®official check-in¡¯ or ¡®mandatory personal training¡¯ card, but now I can keep that in my back pocket for later use.¡± I was able to get in a quick peck on her lips and dodge the playful punch she swung at my arm as I made my way to the door in one big step. Just before I hit enter on the keypad, I looked over at her in all of her just woken up glory, consisting of her short shorts and oversized sleep shirt, and gave her a wink along with a ¡°Cadet,¡± by way of goodbye. She shook her head with a tight grin and responded with ¡°Captain,¡± before making an incredibly vulgar gesture that had me laughing as I opened the door and headed down the bright hall. Sure I didn¡¯t want to head to the bridge. Sure I still had an immense amount of regret about the past few weeks. Sure I was unshowered and unshaven and unprepared for a long, arduous day of work. But I felt ¡­ good. And that was more important than any of the other shit, no matter just how much shit it all piled up to be. Chapter 13: Aria ¡°Positions! Partner check! Go!¡± Walking around the illy-sized athletics room with my one hand holding my other wrist behind my back felt second nature. Sure the days spent running the same drills with several groups of crew members could be draining and monotonous. Sure it left me bruised, sore and exhausted. But the respect and smallest tinge of fear I perceived from my students as I walked around and observed drills made up for all the tediousness. Gaze overly critical. Expression hard. Lips pulled tightly together but able to snap out corrections in an instant. This was me in my finest form, and when I felt the most like myself. Strolling at an even and measured pace around the room, I kept my body language consistent as I moved my head just enough to bark out adjustments that each student needed to make. Just as I rounded down the last row of students before the final drill was over, the comms at my wrist buzzed. For a split second, a grin started to creep its way onto my face as I thought about pulling my hand from behind my back to check the screen on my wrist. After that split second came and went, I remembered where I was and what I was doing. Unofficial business or no ¡ª honestly I was entirely unsure what to expect ¡ª I was teaching. And while the drill was supposed to go on for a few more minutes, for the first time in weeks since being aboard the ship that had only existed in my dreams, I had somewhere to go and someone to be with. With a deliberately long pause in the center of the last row, raking my critical gaze over each and every student to make them work harder for a few more seconds, I yelled ¡°Time!¡± and looked on as every person came to a stop. The room was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and the awkward, clumsy movement of people finding a variety of different positions in order to come down and rest from the demanding series of defensive and offensive drills. ¡°That concludes class for today. Tomorrow is the ship¡¯s mandatory day of rest for the week ¡ª enjoy it. After that, there will be a day of double drills to make up for it. Dismissed.¡± A chorus of groans, sighs and mutterings met my ears as I walked towards the front of the room to where my bag sat. I casually checked my comms before gathering up all of my stuff. Something perfectly normal to do, right? Even though I never checked my comms after class because it had never really served a purpose ¡ª merely a wrist accessory more than anything. In a movement which I thought was natural and casual, I brought my forearm up in front of me and read the now illuminated screen. ¡°9:54p.m. Back in my quarters ¡ª hope to see you soon.¡± I wasn¡¯t sure why I felt surprised and relieved when I read the short message from Jim. Maybe because last night seemed a little too good to be true. I figured he¡¯d find a reason or excuse to not see me tonight, and that would be that. We¡¯d fall into the same awful routine of captain and cadet we¡¯d known for weeks prior, and that would be the end of it. But he had stayed true to his word and messaged me when he was back to his quarters. Still just a little too good to be true from an infamous smooth-talking captain with that damn disarming smile and eyes that drew me right into his orbit like some damn moon. With a shake of my head that caused my high ponytail to brush against my neck, I replaced my things in my bag before slinging it over my shoulder and heading out the door. Thank the stars and all of deep, dark space that our quarters were at least in the same direction. I knew people on this ship were desperate for gossip, and anything even remotely out of the norm was bound to get flung around the conversation circuit. It was also fortunate that my lack of social prowess and general tendencies as an introvert ensured no one approached me after class. It was also an immense help that my drills were designed to thoroughly and completely kick everyone¡¯s ass ¡ª leaving them far from wanting to go out of their way to chat with me. Just as I rounded the last corner to the hallway that held Jim¡¯s quarters, it dawned on me that I was still sweaty and disheveled from a full day¡¯s worth of classes. I hadn¡¯t looked in a mirror since using the bathroom several hours ago, and tiredness was nipping at the edges of all of my muscles and joints. Well, too late to turn back now. I would have to go as I was. The pure thought of walking all the way back to the training center and taking a shower made me more tired. It was a good thing the message from Jim gave my body a shot of adrenaline ¡ª whether it would carry me through what the night had in store was another question altogether. Not that I thought there were things in store, but even just talking or maybe even going through some official business was ¡ª Reaching his door was enough to stop my brain waves from kicking into full overdrive. With a quick check of my face and hair with my fingertips ¡ª I made a last second decision to pull out my ponytail, letting my hair fall over my shoulders in messy waves ¡ª and a few adjustments of my wrinkled Starfleet uniform, I was ready. Or as ready as I could be given the circumstances of my arriving at his quarters after a long day with barely a second to myself to think or process last night. After a fast, settling breath, I raised my hand and pressed the call button on the keypad next to the door. Suddenly my nerves and anxiety caught up to me as I waited in silence for his response. Was it insane for me to be here right now? Was I jeopardizing everything I had somehow managed to regain in the past months? After all it was thanks to Jim, but that¡¯s not why I ¡ª After an intense few moments trapped inside my own head, the door mercifully slid open, and I stepped inside the captain¡¯s quarters, which were equally, if not more sterile than his apartment back on Yorktown. The overhead lighting wasn¡¯t bright like the hallways and common areas of the ship. It was dimmed enough to be comfortable and relaxing. Although I wasn¡¯t quite sure there was much space to actually relax and unwind. An official-looking table sat with eight uncomfortable-looking chairs tucked in neatly around it, along with an equally uncomfortable looking L-shaped couch and coordinating armchairs. No color permeated the space. Just different hues of gray mixed in with swaths of black. Cold and uninviting ¡ª much like all the vast space that surrounded the ship. The only inviting elements of the room were the dim lighting and Jim standing behind the bar in his gold-yellow uniform, collar undone as he poured two glasses of what was no doubt whiskey. ¡°We really need to stop meeting like this. Looking like hell after a long day and ready to drink.¡± I was surprised by the bright, chipper quality to his tone that didn¡¯t seem to match the tiredness on his face in the slightest. Without skipping a beat, I quipped back at him as I walked my way over to the minimalist bar. ¡°Looking like hell, huh? I mean I haven¡¯t looked in a mirror recently but it can¡¯t be that bad¡­¡± With a smirk he placed his hand on his chest. ¡°The only one who looks like hell here is me. You look just as amazing now as you did when I left you this morning. It¡¯s actually a little unfair. Too bad we¡¯re in space or I¡¯d suggest you find some grass and sticks to roll in just to even things up a bit.¡± A chuckle escaped my lips as I pulled out a stool at the bar, placing my bag on the empty seat next to me. Jim was directly across from me, standing behind the bar with his hands spread wide on either side of himself, gripping the cool black granite countertop. He expertly slid the whiskey over to me with that signature shit grin of his spread across his handsome face. I really wanted to hug him, pull him against me and breathe in his natural musk again. I wanted to brush my lips so softly against his, teasing him and tempting him into kissing me. My quickening pulse and anxious shifting in my seat were dead giveaways of what was racing through my mind. But I wouldn¡¯t give in ¡ª not yet, at least. ¡°Here¡¯s to both of us unwinding, even though only one of us just happens to bear the scars of the day¡¯s trials.¡± I was met with a chuckle of his own before we clinked glasses and sipped our drinks. After a few moments of comfortable silence, I finally posed a question that I¡¯d been desperate to ask him for weeks on end. I leaned forward onto the cool granite with my arms crossed in front of me, angling myself towards him a little bit more before looking into his eyes and saying, ¡°Tell me about your day.¡± The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Something in his demeanor shifted as he considered the question. A lightness spread across his features and reached his eyes before he matched my posture and started explaining his day to me. Meetings, decisions, frustrations, interesting interactions, jokes ¡ª he spared no detail. As he spoke, he seemed to get more lost in his own thoughts, making the conversation much more relaxed, much more natural. There was an easiness between us now that had never existed before. I wasn¡¯t sure why, and I wasn¡¯t sure how. But it was there, and I wanted to capitalize on it. Both our glasses were empty by the time he finished answering my question. As he reached to pour two more, I leaned in closer to him in an effort to get just a whiff of that natural musk I enjoyed so much. Whether he noticed my new closeness or not, he didn¡¯t let on. Instead, he resumed his position with a new drink in his hand and asked me the same question. ¡°Tell me about your day.¡± And as I looked down at my freshly poured glass of whiskey, the last thing on my mind was more talking. But instead of acting on any number of the lewd thoughts bouncing around my skull, I tilted my head slightly to the side, some of my hair spilling over my shoulder in the process, and made sure to keep my eyes on the amber gold liquid and away from his piercing blue gaze. I tried my damnedest to push the images of me leaning over the cool granite of the bar and kissing him out of my head and out into the vacuum of space. What I really wanted to say was that I¡¯d rather not talk at all. What I really wanted to do was flick my golden, lash-covered eyes up to him, paired with a mischievous grin, and pin him with my gaze ¡ª full of nothing but longing and need. I wanted to reach towards him, take him by the unbuttoned collar of his uniform and pull my lips onto mine. I wanted to taste the whiskey on his lips, feel his warmth and feel my heartbeat slam into my chest as he sent it into overdrive. The feeling of his tongue against mine would send me up and out of my stool, crawling over the bar and recklessly knocking over our glasses in the process. Without the slab of granite between us, we could finally press against each other, and his hands could roam over every curve and ¡ª Raising my glass of whiskey to my lips and taking a long, deliberate sip was the only way to derail my hot, bothered and dangerous thoughts. My god I needed to take care of myself before I did something so incredibly stupid. After pursing my lips and letting a sigh out through my nose in an effort to disperse some of the heat still roiling around inside of me, I finally managed a response that in no way, shape or form alluded to the scenario that had just unraveled in my brain. ¡°It was¡­ okay? I don''t know. That¡¯s a weird question to try and answer. Ever since leaving Yorktown under such¡­ unexpected circumstances, I¡¯ve kind of felt disconnected. Disjointed. I obviously know I¡¯m here aboard this ship with an incredibly specific set of rules to follow in order to make sure I can continue to stay aboard, and that helps. Having a crazy schedule helps too. I mean if I¡¯m not leading class, I¡¯m meeting with one of my mentors. If I¡¯m not meeting with one of my mentors, I¡¯m studying. If I¡¯m not studying, I¡¯m having a mandatory meeting with Bones to¡­¡± The whiskey had given the wheels of my brain a little too much social lubricant. Instead of stopping before I got to my mandatory mental eval sessions with Bones, the one I in fact was supposed to be having with the man leaning on the bar before me, I rolled right into it. We hadn¡¯t come anywhere near broaching the actual subject since he had so suddenly come back into my life yesterday. Sure we¡¯d tiptoed around it, alluded to it. But we were nowhere near discussing the nitty gritty details of what had proven to be one of the most difficult times of my life. For the love of the entire wide and vast expanse of space, we¡¯d only just been talking for less then twenty four hours. Sure it was a heavy, undeniable presence in the corner of all of our conversations and interactions. But it just felt too soon for me to dive into what exactly I had gone through over the past weeks. After tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I looked up to find his gaze glued to his own half-full glass of whiskey that rested just in front of his crossed arms. Even without looking directly in his eyes, I could see the tension racking his shoulders. The slight drop of his head. It was too late to backtrack now. The door was cracked open ¡ª just enough to be able to refuse to close it without knowing what exactly was on the other side. So with a deep breath and adjustment of my own relaxed posture into something more formal and upright, I started talking. ¡°It''s been okay Jim, really. I mean maybe not okay, but all things considered it¡¯s been pretty okay. At first, I just pushed forward. Through all the hurt in my body and my mind. I thought I could just out pace it. If I just managed to stay busy enough and refuse to let myself think about it. But after a week, I could feel it starting to rot away my insides. I looked okay enough on the outside, but all that darkness and anger and fear and sadness inside of me was going to start to seep out sooner or later. It was a good thing Bones requested our first meeting when he did. I guess he figured it was time, or you had asked him to take over your responsibility for the check-ins.¡± A sip of whiskey to refresh and wet my dry mouth and tongue, and then I continued on. Words were flowing in a way I hadn¡¯t expected. I didn¡¯t feel the need to stop them when they came out so naturally. Sure my voice was a touch quieter, my presence a little smaller. Sure I couldn¡¯t peel my eyes from my glass of whiskey to risk looking up at Jim. But I kept talking. For the sake of having it out of me and into the air to let him do with it what he would. ¡°I won¡¯t lie, the first few meetings were awful. I didn''t want to go, and I gave Bones hell for it. Mostly taking out my frustration with you and your choice to take the easy way out on poor, poor Bones. After a couple hours of verbal abuse and refusing to talk about how I was truly feeling ¡­ Well, you know Bones. He wore me down. With that look of his and the strange calm and easiness about him¡­ there just came a point after ranting about how stupid the mandated sessions were and how spineless you were and how I just wanted to do my damn job and get through the damn mission where I just paused and looked at him. His expression was just soft and understanding... And it undid me. I unloaded. About the physical pain that still plagued parts of my body. About the nightmares that had been ruining my sleep. About the paranoia caused from not knowing why it happened to me. About how I hated myself for being so weak and easily preyed upon. About how much I hated you. Blamed you. It was ugly. But at the end of it, all Bones did was listen, hand me tissues, engage with me, and set up an appointment time for the next week. Each session has made everything just a little bit easier.¡± Another pause and sip of whiskey as my mental burden started to lighten. I still didn¡¯t dare drag my gaze up from my drink. Not yet. I wanted to get it all out, and once everything from my brain was wrung dry, I¡¯d finish my drink and look into those depthless blue eyes. ¡°I¡¯ve been doing physical therapy after I finally stopped lying about not being in pain. The nightmares are fewer and farther between. There¡¯s still paranoia. I still doubt myself and my ability to protect myself. And I¡­ I don¡¯t hate you. We never talked about you, Jim. I vented about it during that first session. It never came up again after that. It somehow hurt the most. And either Bones knew that or guessed at it, because he never brought you up. The other things he had no problem mentioning and asking about. But never you. And somehow, that hurt me more. Because I knew how close you two were. I knew I must come up. Or maybe I didn¡¯t, and that¡¯s why he wouldn¡¯t mention you. Because he knew that you were truly over it. All the possibilities terrified me. And as the weeks passed I thought maybe I could just let it go, forget about it. Write you off and just continue on my own path while still owing you for getting me on this damn ship to begin with.¡± I pulled in air through my lips and let out a deep, cleansing sigh. There it was. At least the gist of it. Bits and pieces of the whole that at least he could puzzle together and have a relatively clear picture of what the past weeks had been like for me and my trauma. It seemed like a good enough place to stop. It brought us to the present, to me sitting across from the damn captain of this damn ship and his handsome damn face. The silence following the expulsion of some of the darkness from my brain was starting to eat at me. Tilting my head and gaze back up to Jim, I found him still staring down at his drink. His bright blue eyes moved back and forth as if he was searching for the words at the bottom of his glass, under that liquid amber that seemed to serve as medication to both of us to a certain extent. In an effort to escape the unsettling and anxiety-ridden silence that had fallen between us, I opted to stand up from my stool and walk my almost empty glass of whiskey through the sterileness of his quarters. The silent stroll over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that gave us a spectacular view of the deep space surrounding us seemed to take an eternity. I may have put a little more swish in my hips. Hell, I didn¡¯t even know if he was watching as I crossed the room and leaned a shoulder against the pane of glass that separated us from all that crushing coldness just on the other side. But my hips had swished just a little more from side to side anyways ¡ª it seemed no matter how much I drank, a little bit of the alcohol seemed to always infuse a little more self serving sexiness into my movements. Suddenly, I found myself spiraling into my feelings even more as my eyes took in all the marvels before me. Brilliant clusters of stars, a swirling galaxy, a sprinkling of far off planets. The loneliness, the fear, the crippling self doubt. I shook my head in an effort to dispel all the thoughts creeping into my mind, and then tossed back what was left of the whiskey in my glass. Turning to where Jim still stood, as if still frozen by the words I had spoken just minutes ago, I found my voice ¡ª along with its regular volume and normal tone. ¡°Well, why don¡¯t we play a game or turn on some music or something.¡± He looked up at me then, blinking a few times to dispel whatever thoughts were clouding his own brain. That small smirk I¡¯d come to wish for crept onto his face, and his eyes seemed to get a touch brighter. ¡°One of those two things sounds pretty decent. What kind of game did you have in mind, cadet?¡± I made a show of putting my hand under my chin, drawing my face into intense contemplation as I pushed off from the window and took a few steps back towards him. ¡°There¡¯s this new game all the cadets have been talking about. Kind of like charades with more drinking, some dancing and singing tossed in, oh and even more drinking.¡± A smile lit up his face as he reached to grab a full bottle of whiskey from the shelf behind him, turned back to me with it raised in his hand and said, ¡°Sold.¡± Chapter 14: Aria We were drunk, drunk idiots. Joyous, laughing, and incredibly sweaty from putting on ridiculously embarrassing dancing and singing numbers to outdo each other, but drunk idiots through and through. I was currently standing in my finishing pose after my last dance number ¡ª hands spread out wide on either side at slight angles, fingers waving and a big cheesy smile spread across my face. His head was tipped back onto the couch from where he sat as a spectator, laughing to near tears. As I broke my pose and bent over to give a few bows and thank-yous, Jim started clapping and saying ¡°Bravo!" By the time I looked up again, his arms were spread out on either side of him, resting along the back of the couch. It drew my attention to his plain white undershirt even more, and it was currently framing the curves of his biceps in a way that caused a physical skip in my thoughts. Shit, shit, shit. At some point during our drunken charades escapade, he had deemed it far too hot to continue performing in his long-sleeve captain¡¯s shirt. He opted to tug it off, revealing his bare muscled physique for a fraction of a second that had me tossing back another whiskey and finding anywhere else to look but at his abs. But as I stood upright from my last bow with a slight wobble, I couldn¡¯t dispel the image. Couldn¡¯t fight back against the urge to walk over, sit on his lap and finally feel those beautiful, laughing lips pressed against my own. Whiskey. So, so much whiskey. My eyes finally managed to focus on Jim, leaning back against the couch, so casually relaxed, with that wickedly charming grin spread across his face. ¡°10 out of 10. Simply mesmerizing. That was the game-ender. I concede to your greatness.¡± And without another thought, without overthinking, without second guessing, I was walking towards him. It was a drunken staggering, with that swish in my hips exaggerated to probably laughable levels. But it got me to him, to where he sat on the couch with that easy smile that was now slowly fading as I stopped in front of his slightly spread legs. His eyes locked onto mine, and my heart became even louder in my ears. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t want to sit in his lap and give in to all the heat I felt for him. Maybe I should pick up my bag and say my goodbyes. Maybe wanting him would only lead to more shit that would leave me feeling hurt and broken. Maybe. But it didn¡¯t stop me from putting my knees on either side of his waist and sitting on his lap, my ass pressing onto his own knees as he moved them to support me. I took his face in my hands, not caring that my Starfleet uniform was now pushed so far up it no doubt revealed my underwear. Not caring that the simple act of touching him had caused my excitement to rise to unbelievable heights. Not caring that I was giving into the blind heat inside of me, giving into the burning desire to feel him and want him and be with him. I gently stroked the side of his cheek with my thumb as I leaned down, closer to his face, my hair cascading over one of my shoulders and falling onto his. And just before I leaned in to do what I¡¯d been thinking about since before I stepped into his quarters, I whispered his name ¡ª and the one syllable undid us both as our lips brushed together. His hands moved to my sides, resting briefly just beneath my breasts before sliding down to my waist. The arching of my back had me pressed against him even harder, reacting to the warm, firm grip of his hands. They moved to cup my backside, and he dug in with a firm squeeze that had me releasing a sharp gasp onto his lips. He¡¯d grabbed half fabric, half bare skin since my dress had ridden up so far. It sent a flash of pure electricity shooting through me, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Our lips moved together greedily, tongues eagerly mingling as we reveled in each other¡¯s heat. I wanted his shirt off, I wanted my dress off. I wanted to feel every inch of him pressed against me. And because of how I was sitting now, I couldn¡¯t feel the hardness between his legs that I knew had grown since I¡¯d sat down. So I started there. With a single motion, I pushed my hips forward to drive his legs apart, and ground against the hardness that pressed right against the wetness that had gathered between my thighs. My face angled up towards the ceiling, lips parting with a moan, and my back arched even more as I moved back and forth over him. I felt like my heart might break clean through my chest. A loud gasp escaped my mouth as he pushed up my dress even further, over the curve of my waist so he could grab my bare backside with his hands. I was torn between bringing our lips back together and continuing to move myself back and forth over him. Thinking through the thick cloud of lust was far too difficult. ¡°What do you want?¡± His breathy voice broke through to me, and I tipped my head back down to see that my nails were digging into his shoulders as I ground against him ¡ª no doubt hard enough to leave marks. My hair fell back over my shoulder, and he reached up to push it back behind my ear while simultaneously bringing our faces back together. The absence of having him pressed against me left protests on the tip of my tongue, but instead I moved my hands back to his face and managed to answer his question. ¡°You.¡± The only reply I got was his hands moving away from gripping my backside and heading up my sides to my chest, where he squeezed my breasts through the flimsy fabric of my uniform. Our kiss deepened, and my moan was lost as he squeezed again. ¡°What do you want?¡± Everything was spinning. My head, my heart, my desire. I lost control, and there was no getting it back now. ¡°You.¡± This time he drug one of his hands down to the front of my underwear, which was now completely exposed due to my dress being pulled up to my stomach. He slowly pulled his fingers across the front, where my wetness had soaked through the fabric. His touch caused me to gasp and moan and arch my back and nearly lose my fucking mind. His fingers roamed back and forth, so, so slowly as I writhed into his touch. ¡°Tell me, cadet, what exactly do you want?¡± And this time, I didn¡¯t hesitate to tell him exactly what I wanted. Because I needed it. Now. Or else I would implode into dust to join all the stars that twinkled in the galaxies just past the glass of windows mere feet from us. ¡°Finger me. Please, please finger me.¡± It came out between breathy gasps for air with my head tipped back and eyes closed as I focused on that soft touch between my legs, caressing me oh-so expertly as I grew more and more aroused and restless. ¡°Done.¡± I was then being dropped back onto the couch as Jim untangled himself from me and stood up. I watched, chest still heaving from the need for release building up inside of me, as he pulled his white undershirt up and over his head and then pulled off his pants ¡ª leaving him in just his boxers. Boxers that showed just how long and hard he truly was. And it had me grabbing for him as he climbed back over me, pushing his lips onto mine as he settled his legs between my own, forcing them to spread apart and earning him another moan. Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. My hands grabbed at the bare skin of his broad back, touching every curve of muscle from his shoulder blades down to the band of his underwear. His hand found its position over my wetness again, resuming his gentle, soft strokes and small circles right over my apex. I felt my nails dig into the flesh of his back as he kept teasing and teasing and teasing. Just as I was about to take matters into my own hands, quite literally, I gasped as his hand finally slipped beneath the top of my underwear and grazed along my core. The arching of my back forced our kiss to break as I pulled myself to him tightly in response to his fingers finally grazing me. His lips pressed right next to my ear, enveloping me with the sound of his breathing and his voice as he whispered, ¡°Mmm, Aria.¡± He continued to tease me with slow strokes and circles in all the right places. My fingers dug harder into his skin, surely hard enough to break the flesh, as he kept driving me mad with his endless teasing. I had no choice but to beg. Again. ¡°Please, Jim. Please.¡± ¡°Please what? You want me to push inside this tight little hole?¡± This one right here?¡± His fingers circled around my opening, the sound of my wetness hitting both of our ears before I moaned, hips bucking in an effort to drive his fingers into me. ¡°Mmmm, you want me to fuck you with my fingers? Slide them in and out of you?¡± Just the tip of his finger pushed in and then out of me then, and I nearly cried out with the ecstasy it brought me, but opted to bite his shoulder instead. ¡°You want me to make you come by fucking you with my fingers?¡± I managed to pull my mouth away from his shoulder and whisper ¡°Yes, yes, yes.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do you one better.¡± And with that, he started to move down my body, trailing kisses all the way down my Starfleet uniform as his head moved lower and lower, his fingertip slowly pushing in and out of me the entire time. He planted kisses on the inside of my bare thighs, my body squirming anxiously for what was coming. ¡°Do you want me to lick you, Aria? Do you want me to taste you and finger fuck you?¡± I could feel his breath with every word he spoke onto the wetness of my core. I was going to lose my fucking mind. He was hovering right over me, his finger still relentlessly teasing me. I couldn¡¯t think. I couldn¡¯t breathe. I was going to implode. ¡°Please, please, please, please.¡± How I formed words, I didn¡¯t know. And with one last glance down between my legs, I saw Jim staring straight back at me as he slowly lowered his mouth, tongue out, and ¡ª I bolted awake, gasping for air as my heart pounded wildly against my ribcage. Nothing but the silence of Jim¡¯s quarters met my ears as I blinked up at the high ceiling. Sharp pain crashed through my skull that had me pressing my hand against my forehead in an effort to keep my brain from spilling out. What the hell had that whiskey done to my damn mind? That dream had to have been the most vivid I¡¯d ever had in my life. Not to mention I was still in his quarters at ¡­ what the hell time was it? I reached for my wrist, fumbling for my comms, and struggled to find the button to illuminate the time. After way too many attempts, I finally got the screen on to get ¡°3:23 AM¡± burned into my retinas. Oh my god was I dumb. So, so dumb. I was still on the couch where we had ended up essentially laughing ourselves silly before ¡­ before just falling asleep? Everything was a little hazy after the game had ended with my last performance of some popular song that had Jim¡¯s sides splitting as I goofed my way through it. Had he gone back to his room? There was just enough light coming from the bar behind the couch and from the endlessness of space outside the window to make out the rest of the room. Just barely lifting my head caused shooting pain to sear through my temples. Never. I would never drink whiskey again. God was I stupid. Peering in front of me yielding nothing ¡ª just empty couch and the coffee table that had an empty bottle and glasses on it. Ugh. With painstaking slowness, I turned my body and head just enough to look behind me, down the other end of the large couch. And just an inch or two away from the top of my head sat Jim¡¯s leg. He was asleep, head tipped back onto the back of the couch with his arms spread out in the same way my ridiculously annoying dream fantasy had started. The power of my headache and slight churning in my gut was enough to outweigh any residual lust leftover from that damn dream my brain had so intensely concocted. No doubt it would still be with me when I was sober and had my head screwed on straight again. There was no doubt that whenever Jim and I actually had a normal, non-whiskey laced conversation again that it would plague my every thought. But for now, I could reach over and give Jim¡¯s leg a shake without getting hung up on the fact that he had so vividly been crouched between my own legs just minutes ago. He moved his head a little, but settled back into sleeping after a few seconds. I tried shaking his leg again, this time saying his name a few times in an effort to get him to wake up. ¡°Hmm? What?¡± He groggily tipped his head forward and brought his hand to his forehead just as I had done upon first reentering the world after our fun night of shenanigans and whiskey. The cost seemed steep right now, but maybe after some decent sleep and a thousand glasses of water we would feel differently. ¡°Jim, you should go to bed. Your neck is going to kill sleeping there.¡± There was a good deal of general groaning from aches and pains that no doubt mirrored my own before he responded in a rasp. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re probably right. Come on.¡± With what looked to be an incredible amount of effort for such an easy movement, Jim pushed himself forward and momentarily paused with his hands on his knees before grunting a little and finally standing up. ¡°Come on? I¡¯m okay on the couch, I don¡¯t want to ¡ª ¡° ¡°I know your head is pounding just as much as mine. Come with me before our heads explode from too much talking and moving.¡± It was true, and he was right. I didn¡¯t want to keep talking, and I didn¡¯t want to move. But getting to his room would definitely require a certain amount of physical effort. Between the churning of my stomach and shooting pain from temple to temple, I wasn¡¯t sure how I would pull it off. Plus, I seriously thought my head might fall off my body if I took my hand away from my forehead. ¡°Okay, okay. Just give me a second.¡± ¡°Here, take my hand, come on.¡± I blindly reached a hand out up and over my head, and felt his hand wrap around mine gently, tugging it in an effort to motivate me to get upright. Swinging my legs over the edge of the couch and standing just about did me in. I staggered, and would¡¯ve fell into the coffee table had it not been for Jim pulling me into him before I could meet my own drunken demise. ¡°I hate whiskey.¡± ¡°Come on now, you don¡¯t mean that ... But I hate it too. Here, let me save us from the hassle of you trying to walk.¡± In a relatively effortless motion, punctuated with a grunt, Jim bent down and scooped my legs and back into his arms. There was no point in trying to resist, in trying to insist I could walk and take care of myself ¡ª because I couldn¡¯t. Or barely could, maybe. But all I wanted was to lay down in an actual bed and curl up and never think about drinking again. And this way, I would get to said bed even faster. Not to mention I was thoroughly enjoying the warmth of Jim¡¯s body as he cradled me against him and walked to his bedroom. His solid chest served as the perfect place to rest my throbbing head. It offered me just enough stability from the jostling of walking, while letting me breathe in his musk and the freshness of his undershirt. I was then was being laid down on something soft, a blanket was pulled over me, and I felt him crawl into bed on the opposite side. I couldn¡¯t help but seek out the warmth and solidness of his chest again. My splitting skull demanded it. I scooted up to his side, where his arm opened for me and wrapped around my back as I laid my head down on his chest. My head gently rose and fell as he took a big, even breath in and out of his nose. Without letting my imagination wander back to where it had been just a few short minutes ago, I lifted my hand and placed it on his chest right next to where my head lay. His own hand wrapped around mine as soon as I had laid it down. I felt his nose nestle into the hair just above my forehead, where he placed a light kiss before settling into stillness. Between the rhythmic sound of his deep, even breathing, and the gentle stroking of his thumb on the bare skin of my arm, I was being pulled into sleep¡¯s comforting embrace. And for the second night in a row, I fell asleep in the arms of a man I was still coming to know, and who enthralled my every sense when he was around. I was scared, unsure, queasy, and lustful. For now, that was all fine. Because right now, everything felt okay. Everything felt right. Sleep would take me, and I would know nothing but peace. And I knew as I slipped off into slumber that those thoughts would inevitably find me in the morning, whether I was ready to face them or not. Chapter 15: Aria Artificial sunlight generated by the high-tech lights around the edges of the walls and faint rustling mixed with clanging greeted me as I was finally dragged into consciousness. I pulled the covers up under my chin tightly before reluctantly peeking my eyes open in the smallest squint possible. I was met with the view of space swirling just outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows that graced the length of the captain¡¯s quarters. What, if anything, was able to see in from the deep, darkness of space just behind the thick, protective glass? The random thought was immediately cut off by a sickening throb in my temples paired with a fierce churn of my stomach. The captain¡¯s quarters. In an effort to focus on anything but the complete awfulness that coursed through my body, I wondered where said captain might be, as he wasn¡¯t in bed beside me anymore. There were still sounds coming from somewhere ¡ª sounds that might be related to food or a warm beverage if I was lucky. Food, maybe not so much at the moment. But coffee blacker than my heart? That sounded like a gift from the very cosmos my gaze currently rested on. Whatever noise was being made came to a stop, and glorious silence filled my ears. I nestled back into my blanket cocoon, burying my head into the pillow further and drawing in a deep, relaxing breath. Sleep was just starting to pull me back into its peaceful embrace when I heard footsteps coming from behind me, and then felt cool air meet my back as the blankets were lifted. The mattress shifted, followed by Jim¡¯s body pressing up behind me, conforming exactly with all the curves and angles of my body. An arm slid around my waist, pulling me closer to him, and his lips rested right next to my exposed ear. ¡°I know you¡¯re awake.¡± As he spoke, each word tickled the sensitive skin of my ear with his soft, distracting lips. My heart hitched as my mind mercilessly started to replay the fantasy it had conjured in my drunken dreams last night. With him pressed so tightly against me ¡­ I was suddenly hyper aware of every cell and nerve in my body. It took an incredible amount of focus to ensure my body stayed frozen still. With as much focus as I could muster, I kept my movement contained to a smile. But before responding, I couldn¡¯t help but nuzzle my ear against his lips just the slightest bit. ¡°I am now. I was almost asleep again after all that racket you were making.¡± ¡°Mmm, and to think I just missed out on a chance to hear more interesting tidbits from your dreams ¡­ damn, I should¡¯ve waited to come tell you I made coffee.¡± Every nerve and muscle in my body went rigid. I flung myself around to face Jim and very, very instantaneously regretted it ¡ª not only because it sent queasiness jolting through me, but for what laid before my eyes. I was greeted with him staring back at me, head propped on one hand with a shit-eating grin spread across faintly stubbled cheeks. He was still clad in his white undershirt, leaving the curves of his biceps and arms exposed to my wandering eyes. It took my brain a split second to refocus on the matter at hand. I pinned him under a serious glare as he smiled back dreamily, not a care in the world. ¡°What exactly did you hear?¡± ¡°Oh, you know, just some moans, some groans, some ¡°Oh Jim, please¡±s, some ¡°Don¡¯t stop¡±s... You know, what I would expect when you¡¯ve clearly been dazzled by my charm.¡± ¡°I am going to kill you.¡± ¡°Well, based on what I heard last night, you definitely want to do a long list of things to me, but kill was not something I remember ¡ª¡± Before he could finish his unbearably cocky response, I was pushing myself up and onto one elbow in an effort to give him a good slug in one arm and vacate the bed in search of black, black coffee. But his hand snagged my wrist before my fist could connect with his bicep. Just as I was about to string together a few short and simple maneuvers to leave him alone in bed grasping his manhood in pain, he used my captured wrist to pull my lips down towards his as he craned his neck toward me. The kiss was deep, laced with the laziness of the slow, easy morning. It ebbed away some of my ire from his admittance of hearing my lust for him in my sleep. Some, but not all. My lingering anger didn¡¯t stop me from running a hand through his messy hair and then over the prickles of his stubbled cheek, continuing on to the collar of his shirt, where I took the fabric in my hand and clenched it while deepening the kiss. I used the leverage of my grip to push him backwards onto the bed, swinging my leg up and over his body. My hair fell in a curtain over my shoulder, blocking out all the stars just outside the tall windows. His hands found either side of my face, thumbs stroking my cheeks as he pulled away for just a moment to whisper on my lips. ¡°Now I know just how badly you want me.¡± Moving my hips in just the right way, a soft moan escaped from his lips while his hand simultaneously gripped the hair at the nape of her neck. I leaned down to his ear and whispered in the most sultry voice I could muster. ¡°Don¡¯t bet your life on it, Kirk.¡± With that, I planted a hard, deep kiss on his lips before pushing off of him roughly and swinging my leg up and back over his body ¡ª with maybe just a little too much vigor. And maybe I drug my knee over his crotch with a little too much force on purpose. ¡°I¡¯ll be off to find that coffee you mentioned, thank you very much.¡± I snatched one of the blankets off the bed, wrapping myself up in it as I strutted out of the bedroom and to the small kitchen that was open to the living space. ¡°Oh I don¡¯t think so.¡± By the time he came quickly jogging into the kitchen after me, it was too late. I¡¯d already found the freshly brewed pot of coffee and poured myself a mugful. It was easy to lean against the counter and serve him up the same shit-eating smirk he¡¯d been touting the entirety of our short time spent together this morning. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Based on the quickness of his pace and the grin still tugging at his mouth, it was obvious to me that he thought he would be dishing out some sort of payback. ¡°If you so much as think about coming between me and this holy, deliciously hot beverage, I promise I will eviscerate you where you stand.¡± He stopped just short of where I was leaning against the counter, my nose hovering above my steaming mug. I made and kept direct eye contact with him as I took a sip, punctuating my threat by making more noise drinking than necessary. ¡°Well that certainly paints a very real, disturbing image. Those lessons with the officers are clearly paying off.¡± I rolled my eyes as I watched him abandon his pursuit of me and instead settled for pouring himself a fresh cup of coffee. Replacing the pot on the burner, he took up a spot next to me at the counter, matching my lean and taking a sip from his own steaming mug. Taking another sip myself, I watched as his brows furrowed, moving to hold his mug between his hands. Flicking his gaze up to me, he cocked his head with a quizzical expression spread across his features. ¡°Speaking of your lessons, I¡¯ve been meaning to ask how you¡¯ve been getting on with the officers I¡¯d selected. I know you¡¯ve gotten on with Scotty well, and Bones is a harmless grump, but what about someone like Spock who I know can be ¡ª¡± At the mention of the spiny, cold-hearted Vulcan¡¯s name, I choked on the coffee that I was just starting to swallow. ¡°What time is it?¡± With a quick glance at his comms, he responded, ¡°10:05, why?¡± ¡°Shit, shit, shit!¡± I hastily set my mug down on the counter, liquid sloshing over its sides, and started off towards the bedroom to fling the blanket on the bed before rushing back towards my bag that was still sitting at the bar. ¡°Now I know he can be an unbelievable prick, but why in the hell are you running around like he¡¯s going to smite you at any moment?¡± After a few moments of looking around from left to right for what might possibly be a bathroom, I paused my frantic hustle to give him a half-answer. ¡°Because he IS going to smite me ¡ª bathroom?¡± ¡°Right off the bedroom. Maybe you could enlighten me as to why the mention of his name has lit an enormous fire under your ass?¡± His words grew fainter as I near sprinted my way to the bathroom, throwing my bag down on top of the toilet before taking in my appearance and letting out a few more choice expletives. Grabbing a washcloth off the rack to my left, I turned the faucet on to cold water before fiercely scrubbing my face in a feeble attempt to become more awake and less hungover. As I turned the water off and started to dab my face dry, I glimpsed the mirror to see Jim had followed me during my mad dash and now had himself planted in the doorway, leaning casually against the doorframe with an amused and puzzled look painted across his face. ¡°Me, in all my infinite wisdom, agreed to have an extra lesson with him today because I am so hopelessly failing at comprehending and completing any of that damn man¡¯s assignments. And of course, I managed to forget about it, and now I am five minutes late and counting.¡± As I explained my sudden surge of panic to him in the mirror, patting my face dry and attempting to arrange my hair into a somewhat neat ponytail, I saw his eyebrow arch along with that stupid, annoying grin of his. ¡°You think it¡¯s funny? I swear I will follow through on eviscerating you if I have any capacity to think after this lesson, which I¡¯m sure is going to be doubly awful now that I have insulted him by being late.¡± ¡°You know as the captain of the ship, I could easily put Spock back his place and tell him to ¡ª¡± After hastily and hopelessly trying to smooth out the dozens of wrinkles on my uniform, I snatched my bag from the toilet and walked up to him as he blocked the entirety of the doorway. Gathering my height and pushing a finger into the center of his chest, I gave him the steeliest gaze I could muster through the faint pounding that was just starting in the back of my skull and tiredness that nipped at every part of my body. ¡°You will do no such thing. And if you so much as think that thought again, I will make sure you pay for it dearly in one way or another. Keep out of it, Kirk.¡± He held his hands up in surrender, amusement still playing at his features as I pushed past him and back through his spacious quarters to the door that would take me through the weaving halls of the Enterprise to where Spock would be waiting for me in the commons. I could hear his footsteps in my wake, and I was ready to give him another verbal lashing for any other smart-ass quips he had to offer before I made my leave to be punished both mentally and emotionally. ¡°Alright, so I won¡¯t mention anything to him about his egregious error planning a study session on the ship¡¯s day off, but it¡¯s going to be infinitely harder for me to keep my mouth shut about taking you away from me on said day off.¡± And just as I was about to turn around and offer him a peck on the lips before continuing on my way feeling many different levels of shitty, he had to go and say something so typical of his arrogant, overly confident self. And it would be a lie if I said it wasn¡¯t part of the reason I was drawn to him. Even if it was exactly what made me turn on my heel, push my finger back into the center of his chest, and threaten him one more time before leaving. ¡°I mean it, Kirk. I will end you.¡± ¡°Remind me to never get on your bad side before you¡¯ve had a full cup of coffee.¡± Instead of hauling off and giving him a good ol¡¯ fashion knee to the groin, I settled for gripping him by the collar of his undershirt, offering him a few of my favorite curses, and giving him a quick, and maybe a bit aggressive, peck on the lips before stomping off to leave through the door. But just as I hit enter on the keypad with Jim continuing to lip off after me as I left, Bones was beginning to step through the door on the other side, thinking it had opened for him to enter instead of opening for me to make a speedy exit. I didn¡¯t have time for the cocky captain who was still flapping his mouth behind me, let alone the dumbfounded and thoroughly confused doctor who I brushed past without so much as a glance in his direction. ¡°Doctor.¡± ¡°Cadet.¡± My bag might¡¯ve hit Bones as I stormed past. I¡¯d have to find time later to apologize for my abrupt exit, and deal with the fact that I was in fact storming out of the captain¡¯s quarters in the morning on the day of rest. As I sulked through the empty corridors of the ship, the thought crossed my mind that today might be the day I punch a Vulcan if he decided to push me too far. The image gave me a chuckle as I attempted to clear my head and regain my composure before coming face to face with the one person who had been the second biggest pain in my ass since this whole journey behind. With a pause before rounding the corner into the common space, I took a quick breath in and out as I made another useless attempt at smoothing over the stubborn wrinkles covering my uniform. Let¡¯s get this over with. The thought was still echoing in my brain as I walked through the large space full of empty tables, chairs and couches ¡ª save for one at the center of the room. There sat Spock, his posture unnaturally rigid as his emotionless gaze bore into me with every quickened step I took towards him. As I neared the table where he sat, the only person in the room, I opened my mouth to start my very polite and formal apology only to be interrupted by his cold, cutting tone. ¡°Being prompt, cadet, is an invaluable trait that demonstrates discipline, respect and mastery of one''s responsibilities. Clearly you have fallen short on all three. I will not tolerate tardiness again. Pull out your notes, and we will begin.¡± It took every fiber of my being to draw my lips into a curt smile before pulling out the chair and sitting down across from the expressionless Vulcan, who already had a book open and a sheet of mind-melting equations next to it. I would need to hit something very, very hard, very, very soon.