《A Matter of Course》


 Day 1: Changing for the Better

    Why did I do this to her?


    I asked myself that, while watching her shivering below me.


    Things had been going well. I managed to get rid of all the distractions around her. But now, its over.


    She looks so scared.


    I''m sorry. I''m so sorry.


    If I had just...no. This was my fault. I did this to her. I stole everything from her. And now that she has nothing left for me to take, its only now that I realize this?


    I''m a...


    |¡ö|


    As he got up from bed, he looked at the picture hanging on his wall, only to pretend he hadn''t, as he turned away from it and opened his door. He stepped out, for a moment, before turning his back without going any further.


    While trying not to think about that picture he didn''t consider thinking about anything else. He took out some clothes from his dresser before heading to the bathroom.


    He put his clothes down on the barren counter and turned on the shower. He made sure to set it to the same lukewarm temperature as always. His persistence, in that regard, is so irritating.


    As he took off his shirt, he paused for a moment, before taking off everything else. There were red marks on his chest, but he acted like he didn''t notice them as he threw his clothes into the hamper in the corner of the room.


    Reminding himself of what he did yesterday won''t do anything, but...he doesn''t even want to acknowledge it.


    He got in and half-heartedly washed himself. Once he was done, he turned the water off and stepped out. The marks were gone even before he got out.


    He dried himself off and got his change of clothes on. He stood in front of the mirror and started doing other menial tasks, the same way he always did them.


    But, even after he''s done, he continues to stand there, staring at his reflection, as if he doesn''t recognize what he''s looking at.


    For a moment, something else is standing there. It looks just like him. It has that same disgusting look that he always has. Oh, it''s already gone. It was only there for a moment.


    What are you trying to do?


    He turned off the lights, blatantly ignoring me, and walked out of the room. He still won''t listen. He''s stuck in his own world after all.


    He walked over to a room in the back and put his hand on the door. He can''t open it on his own, but he continues to stand there nonetheless.


    "I''ll be back." His voice is quiet and dry. With no one there to give him a response, he can only stand there in silence. Doing nothing won''t bring anything back.


    For a moment, he looks surprised by something. He looking at something outside. He stood up and walked over to the front door. He let out an exhausted sigh as he closed the door.


    He got down the stairs, which creaked with each step he took until he reached the concrete below, and walked to his bike, which was secured to a rack outside.


    He started pedaling as soon as he got on. There was always a sense of rhythm to how he''d move his feet along, but it''s eerily missing now.


    There''s no sense of urgency in his expression. He''s got the same disgusting look he''s always got on. But, something is different; even if that difference is inconsequential, it means there''s something he can''t control.


    He suddenly stopped, just a few blocks away from where he was heading, at an intersection, and began looking around.


    Cars began to pass in front of him, stopping him from going any further. He could''ve passed earlier, but he didnt.


    He got off his bike and started running at some guy who was about to pass him. The sound of the oncoming traffic is gone, along with the stench of burning gasoline. Everything is fading out.


    He dragged the guy back onto the sidewalk and everything went back to how it was. The blaring noise was irritatingly loud as it passed by them.


    He looked back at the guy, lying on the ground, gasping for air, and reached his hand down to help him up.


    His vision becomes distorted and he nearly falls over.


    He watched the guy walk over to the other side of the crossing. The cars began to pass again, separating them. If he didn''t want to get involved with him, why help him at all?


    While having that shameful thought, he picked up his bike and began pushing down on the the pedals, with the same blank look as before.


    It doesn''t take him long to reach the front gate. He got off his bike and locked it to the metal frame, before getting on his way to class.


    Something caught his eye, as he walked in, but he didn''t let it show. He stopped for a moment, but kept on going, and did his best to not look in her direction.


    As he stood in front of her, still wondering what to do, he noticed the book in her hands and started thinking about it.


    He watched her flip a page and gave a strange amount of attention to the way her finger moved it. He''s being too obvious about it.


    "Hey." He instantly regretted saying that as suddenly as he did, but it seemed unnatural. He wanted to regret it more than he actually did, but why?


    "Huh?" Surprised by his sudden greeting, she looked taken aback at first. She had a distant look in her eyes, but he wouldn''t bring that up to her.


    "Hey?" Her confused voice, while returning his greeting, had him feeling embarrassed, and she looked a little uncomfortable.


    "Uhh...Well, you''re...that''s where I usually sit, so..." He had a hard time saying it, but he had no choice but to. If didn''t want to say that, he should''ve just said what he want to.


    "Oh. Sorry, I''ve been kinda out of it this morning." She got up and sat down at the desk behind him. Seeing her sit there surprised him, but it doesn''t show on his face.


    He sat down as well and noticed the book on his desk. Not saying anything about it could lead to problems, so, he decided to hand it back to her.


    "You weren''t kidding, huh." As he said that, he turned around, facing her head on, and held her book out in his hand.


    A slight blush showed on her cheek, as she reached out to grab the book from him. She didn''t say anything, though, which bothers him.


    "You okay?" He''s able to speak calmly, now, since he decided to drop the act. He doesn''t want to leave her alone like this, after all. Even if that means he''ll have to go out of his way to figure something out.


    "What?" She looks at him, staring into her eyes, and starts to feel uncomfortable. She begins looking for a way out of this. "There''s nothing wrong, okay."


    "I''m glad that you''re fine. If you want to ask me anything, go right ahead." He''s talking to her like like this, despite not really meaning it. He''s going to do it again; it hasn''t even been that long since-


    His vision becomes distorted and he nearly falls out of his chair.


    "What does it mean to love someone?" She suddenly asks him that, with no hesitation. She doesn''t seem to have any ulterior motive, but she''s really flustered.


    You''re glad that she''s fine? What a joke.


    You planned to do this from the start.


    "That''s...quite the question." He''s afraid that this could end up backfiring on him, but he''s too worried about her to stop himself now.


    If he was really that worried about her, he wouldn''t have forced her to do this. Even after all this time, he hasn''t changed at all.


    "It means you want to be with that person more often than not and you want to make them happy in whatever way you can, even if it means going out of your way sometimes." He spoke from the heart when he said that to her, precisely because it was her. Blood rushed to his face, as he realized what he had just done.


    "That''s what I....think at least. What about you? Do you have someone like that?" He asks her that, fully intent on comforting her in any way he can; he''s completely oblivious to how he looks while saying that.


    "I''ve never really thought about it that much. I love my friends and family, but other than that, I don''t really know what its like." Her sullen voice was exemplified by her downcast eyes. She seems surprised by his sincere response to her abrupt question, as was I. He''s already this far in; in his mind, there''s no point in turning back now.


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    "Is that why you asked me about it?" He''s trying to get her to reveal the reason for her worries, without signaling his intentions to her. Even if what he''s doing might actually help her, it''s still wrong. Making her tell him like this, it goes beyond simply being nosy.


    "It''s...nothing, really. Sorry, that was a weird question to ask so suddenly, wasn''t it. I just say whatever''s on my mind sometimes. Don''t think too much about it. It''s not important." She put on a vacant smile while saying that, trying to hide her embarrassment. If he doesn''t want to go back to how things were before, he''ll stop while he still can.


    "Do you mean that?" Putting her on the spot like this will lead to more problems. So, why is he doing this? He seems frustrated by something. I can''t tell what it is; he''s hiding it from me. Though, there''s a bit of redness on that blank expression of his.


    "Umm...I just..." She already didn''t expect him to take what she said so seriously. Now that she''s coming to her senses, she looks completely flustered by his retort. She never wanted to ask him that to begin with. He forced her to. "It''s fine if you just pretend I didn''t ask you anything."


    "That''s not what I meant." He''s frustrated with her misunderstanding what he was saying. He might have also been feeling guilty for making her say something like that, despite what he''d done to her.


    "I''m sorry for bothering you." She picked up her book and tried her best to push him away. He sees this and begins questioning his motives. If he goes any further than this, he''ll be undoing what he worked so hard to achieve in this place.


    "I wasn''t bothered." She looked away from her book and at him. She''s just as surprised as I am. For once, he actually meant what he said.


    "There''s nothing wrong with saying what''s on your mind; that''s how you feel. No one would be bothered by that." It''s shocking to hear this coming from him of all people. But that doesn''t really matter. Why is he doing this?


    "It''s not important? There''s no way that could be true." She slowly put her book down and noticed the bit of redness on his cheeks. Seeing that, she closed her book and faced him again.


    Of all the chances you''ve had.


    Of all the times you could have done something.


    Why now?


    Why are you doing this now?


    "It''s not weird to think about your feelings. If you''re worried about something and you want to talk to someone about it, go for it. No one will chastise you for that. And you don''t need to feel rushed to have feelings for someone either. If you do ever think you have feelings like that, you can decide what those feelings mean to you at your own pace and on your own terms. Feelings are precious; they''re what make you, you. So don''t say they don''t mean anything to you." He said that with a calmness that didn''t suit this facade he''d made for himself.


    She hasn''t moved an inch since he started talking. He began acting as if he felt nervous seeing her like this. His inability to be consistent is irritating.


    He was barely able look at her as he awkwardly played with his bangs. The silence was slowly becoming too much for him. And I can barely stand him acting embarrassed like this.


    "Okay...?" She looked bothered by something, saying that with a confused voice to him, but she also seemed happy about something as well.


    I messed up.


    The sudden anxiety had him feeling a shortness of breath while he stared at the ground, unable to move. He''s acting as if he regretted what he said.


    "I''m so-"


    "Thank you." Her sweet voice trampled over his vain attempt of sincerely insincerely apolgizing for something she had no way of remembering.


    In an instant, all the dread and anxiety he was feeling vanished. He''s so relieved that its a bit creepy.


    Her light blue eyes glistened as she looked at him and her hazelnut hair shined against the sun. He''s completely entranced by her.


    What was I trying to do again...?


    "Louise, I-" His voice began to come out naturally, as if he''d forgotten why he was there. He stopped talking just as abruptly.


    His vision becomes distorted, and everything is gone.


    You''re fine with forgetting what you did?


    Stop lying to yourself.


    You still feel guilty.


    Isn''t that why you trapped yourself in this world?


    "Are you okay?" Her worried voice goes unnoticed by him. His pale skin has become eerily gray and tinted. Why is he putting himself through this?


    Isn''t that why you cling to everything that''s left?


    Even if you start over and try again.


    If no one can blame you for what you did,


    they can''t forgive you for it either.


    What will you do if even you forget what you are?


    "HEY!" Her voice rang in his ear, dragging him away from ''his'' ramblings. Everything is back now, but he''s feeling anxious somehow. It must''ve been from what ''he'' said.


    He looked around the room until he saw her standing next to him, with her hand cupped against his ear, and instinctually became flustered.


    She looked relieved now, but something is off with that look she''s making. And something is off with the way he looks as well.


    He turned away from her, feeling tears well in his eyes, and reached his hand up to rub them. She grabbed his hands, before he could, and brought his attention back to her.


    "What''re you-...?" His voice cut off as she embraced him. He tried to get away, but her hands reached around his back, trapping him.


    "You''re so cold. It kinda tickles." She laughed a little, as she said that to him, and he began feeling guilty again. He bit down on his lip, hoping that it would clear his mind.


    "It''s fine if you let go." His sarcastic comment failed to hide his embarrassment from her. Instead of listening to him, she began clinging to him even more.


    "I like it." Her quiant voice was deafening to him. Listening to her say that made him feel more guilty. He''s going to do it again, isn''t he.


    His vision becomes distorted and his body goes limp for a moment. His only saving grace was that he already had a cushion to fall on.


    "What happened just now?" It was like thorns were scraping against the walls of his ears, listening to her ask him that. He felt like he''d been backed into a corner, with no way out. It didn''t work this time. For once, he''ll have to figure something out on his own.


    "This is kind of...I mean, we''re in class still." His dry words came out almost reflexively. Almost. Even he would feel something after using it so many times.


    "Oh...In that case." She sounded dissapointed at first, but she immediately seemed more...excited. He shuddered for a moment, as if he could tell what she was about to do..


    She picked up her leg and carried it over him, and then the other. Once she was done, she looked at him, waiting to see how he''d react.


    Once she saw how flustered he was, she leaned her head against his chest and smiled smugly, barely able to keep herself from laughing.


    "What are you doing?" His voice came out awkwardly, as he tried his best to cling on to his sanity. He knew this was redundant, but he needed to say something to distract himself.


    "You''re so cute. I can''t help it." Her words would have been provocative if she had said them in her usual tone, but...she seemed worried about something.


    "What are you doing?" He repeated his question, in the same tone as always, wearing the same expression as always, and with the same intentions he always had, as if doing so would somehow yield him a different answer.


    His vision becomes distorted for a moment, but it doesn''t affect him this time.


    "Would it better if I said I wanted your attention?" Her flirtatious words and her bold attitude, both irritated him now.


    Why? Why did it work this time?


    "Get off." Any hint of embarassment in his voice or from his expression was gone. He seemed genuinely annoyed.


    Is there some kind of threshold for it? Or was he doing something else before?


    She looked at him in shock and silence, before feeling embarrassed and averting her gaze, losing the confidence to look directly at him.


    "I''ll push you off myself if you won''t listen." Fed up with her silence, he became even more irritated and genuinely looked ready to put his words into motion.


    What''s going on? Why is he doing this?


    She got up in an instant, and sat back down in the seat behind him. He looked back at her, only to be met with her gorgeous bangs covering her eyes, as she looked down at the table in front of her.


    He flicked her lightly on her forehead and watched as she slowly lifted her head to meet his face. He doesn''t feel bad about what he did.


    "Don''t do something like that, ever again." He''ll only make her feel worse by continuing to berate her like this. I can tell she''s about to cry.


    "I hate it." His harsh tone was hard to listen to. Even if I''ve lost the ability to sense it, I know her heart sank the moment those words left his mouth.


    "That''s enough. Please....I''m sorry." She was holding in her tears as she said that to him. She couldn''t look up anymore; she didn''t want to see what kind of face he was making.


    "Huh? Why are you apologizing?" He seemed genuinely confused as he said that, which shocked her enough to raise her head once more to face him. His confusion this time is different. Did he actually not realize what he was saying?


    "Didn''t you say you hated it?" Her despondent tone as she asked him that finally makes him realize what''s going on. How the hell did he not realize it sooner?


    No, he must have realized. There''s no doubt in my mind that he said it like that on purpose, just to mess with her feelings.


    "That''s not what I-...Don''t force yourself to do something you''re not used to. If you feel uncomfortable, say something about it. That''s what I meant." He looked into her widened eyes as he said that to her. He was so focused on what he was saying that he had forgotten how close they were. "I''m...sorry for saying it in such a misleading way." He backed away from her, while saying that, but he didn''t look away from her.


    "Wha-...Why are you apologizing now?" She pushed her bangs back behind her ear, a move that captivated him, briefly, and wiped her eyes a bit.


    "To make it fair?" As he said that, he noticed the redness under her eyes. He reached his hand out to her and...


    She blinked a few times, without saying a word, seemingly unable to process what he was doing. He carefully rubbed her eye and felt an odd sensation rising in his chest as he did.


    Suddenly, she held his hand and began leaning on it, while an awkward smile appeared on her lips.


    They''re silently looking at each other, lost in their own thoughts, unable to see or hear anyone else around them.


    He slowly moved his hand down, tracing his finger along her cheek, until he stopped himself.


    He''s lost in his own thoughts. He''s hiding it from me, but I can still vaguely tell what he''s thinking.


    He considers giving up on this plan of his.


    He takes his hand away and looks at her, looking at him.


    It only takes him a moment to give up on what he''d been planning to do.


    "Louise, I-" His voice came out shrewdly, but was cut off by a much louder noise.


    Brrrrrrrrr.


    He turned away from her and faced the front of the class, his heart beating out of his chest. It''s taking all he has to concentrate on what''s in front of him.


    I don''t know what he''s thinking, but he seems confused by something. The teacher walked into the class and opened up a book on their desk.


    "Everyone, take out your textbooks to chapter 7." The teacher''s voice forced him to stop worrying about it, for now. He took out a book and stared robotically at its overproduced pages. Every word in every sentence on every page of this book, he had memorized it all.


    None of it means anything to him.


    He read it simply because he was told to.


    He''s in this world because he was told to.


    Maybe he''ll even die if he''s told to.


    |¡õ¡õ¡õ|


    He''s standing in front of his apartment now. He''s been standing there, silently, for a while now.


    He reached for the knob, but, still, nothing. It''s annoying, watching him act like this. I can only watch him. Even if I reach out to him, he ignores my every word.


    He opened the door and walked inside. In the kitchen, he began staring at a cabinet, before opening it. He pulled out a knife and looked down at his glazed reflection.


    It slips out of his hand, but he doesn''t pick it up. His hand isn''t shaking, his heart isn''t beating out of control, and he''s breathing just fine. There''s no one here to do anything about it. There''s nothing stopping him. He picks it back up and puts it away.


    He heads to his room, feeling exhausted. He sits down and pulls the sheets over himself. He closes his eyes and tries to pretend he won''t wake up this time. Of course, the only person he never manages to fool, is himself.

 Day 1 After: Get it Together

    I look up at the dimly lit ceiling of my room and notice the missing presence in the back of my mind.


    I''m finally alone.


    I lean forward and get up. The picture from this morning is hanging right where I put it. A hot sensation trickles down my nose, as I stare at the now empty wall.


    Why did I say all of that to her?


    There isn''t any point in getting that close to her. I''m sure he''s just as confused as I am, but if that means I can use this to distract him, so be it.


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    But still, I seriously considered giving up on the plan. If it happened once, it could happen again. Even though I know I don''t deserve something like that.


    I need to be careful.


    There''d be no point if I just avoid her, but I can''t let myself lose focus like that again.


    ''If only I hadn''t done those things to her...''


    I can''t let myself think like that anymore.


    I''m not doing this for myself.


    And this isn''t about making things right either.


    I just...


    "It''s normal to go out of your way for the person you like...isn''t it?"

 Day 2: Making it a Habit

    He noticed the faint sound of the clock ticking in his room. Waking up to it always irritated him, but he never did anything about it. He turned to his side and looked at the empty wall. The picture wasn''t there.


    He got up and walked to his dresser; he grabbed his clothes and looked back at the wall, but there was still nothing there. He walked out of his room and continued to do everything else the same as he did yesterday, and the day before. I shouldn''t have gotten my hopes up; nothing about him will ever change.


    You''ll always have that same disgusting look on your face.


    He opened the front door and turned around. No one was there to greet him or say goodbye, but he still looked, as if doing so would somehow bring them back.


    "I''ll be back late today." This time, he wouldn''t wait for a response that would never come; he closed the door and walked down the stairs. He didn''t get his bike and, instead, walked out onto the road. A car started honking at him. He looked at them and...


    His vision becomes distorted as he falls to his knees.


    It was quiet now.


    He got up and stretched his arms out as he leaned his entire body back. He looked down the road, which seemed to go on forever, but there was nothing for him to see. Everything was gone, except him.


    As he continued walking down this quiet road, he noticed places he''d been to before. A bakery with a vibrant flower garden. A dog park with too many dogs. An arcade that had no hard games. The sushi restaurant where he had his first...He stopped walking.


    There was a gentle smile on his face, as he remembered it: their first date. But as another memory surfaced in his mind, he walked away from the restaurant. He kept walking, without looking at anything else.


    It was only when he reached the school, that he stopped walking again. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone, but he didn''t do anything with it and put it back. The complete silence emphasized even his most subtle movements.


    His vision becomes distorted and he loses control of his body.


    Shit.


    When his control returned, he was lying, flat on his face, against the concrete. He got up and patted down his pants a bit. Without a hint of worry on his face, he kept on walking again. It wasn''t quiet anymore, but he still couldn''t see anyone else.


    |¡ñ¡ð¡ð|


    "Thank you for the wonderful food sweetie." As he said that, I got up and grabbed both our plates. I made sure to not make too much, so it wouldn''t take long to clean up.


    "You''re welcome." And as I say that, I start humming my way over to the kitchen and drop the plates into the empty sink. I wash my hand and walk over to the stairs, but I stop for a moment.


    He remembers what I told him yesterday, right?


    "You''ll be fine for dinner tonight, right?" I raise my voice when I ask him that, to make sure he can hear me, even though that''s never been an issue for him. I lean forward and see him from around the corner.


    "O-of course sweetie." I''m a little worried, hearing, and seeing, him answer my question like that, but I know he''ll be fine without me. Besides, he''s too old for me to be worrying about him so much. I have my own worries to be worrying about right now.


    "Okay." I walk up the stairs and head down the hallway. The door across from mine was left open, so I close it and go into my room. I sit down on my bed and lay across the sheets.


    What kind of face would he make, if he knew I-


    Before I can finish that thought, a notification pops up on my phone. I read the name "Juli" and unlock my phone to look at my messages.


    ¡¸good luck!¡¹


    I feel relieved seeing that message from her and start typing out a response.


    ¡¸thank you¡¹


    ¡¸ill let you know how it goes¡¹


    I pick up my things and walk out my room, then down the stairs again. I peek around the corner again, to find Dad sitting on the couch, typing something on his laptop.


    "Dad, I''m leaving. Don''t get lonely without me." I say that without raising my voice this time, expecting him not to hear me. But, as always, I watch him look away from what he''s doing and at me.


    "Good luck at school today. Drive safely. And have fun on your date!" I walk over to the front door, without saying anything back to him, but I stop when I get to the door.


    "Bye!" I yell that out with an awkward grin on my face and walk out the door. I can feel my face burning up, as I open the door again and look at him still looking at me.


    "Honestly...thank you." I can see him smirking all the way over there, and I close the door again. He didn''t have to say it so loud...I catch myself humming as I walk out the driveway and get in my car.


    |¡ð¡ð¡õ¡õ|


    He walked into class and noticed she was on her phone, with headphones on, probably watching something. He walked over to his seat and sat down. He looked back at her, still looking at her phone, and felt oddly comfortable. Simply watching her like this, made him feel relaxed somehow.


    As he creepily stared at her, a disgusting grin grew on his face. Before he realized it, he had stopped thinking about anything. He didn''t even realize she had noticed him staring at her. Now he did.


    Blood rushed to his face, seeing her looking confused. He thought about looking away from her to hide his embarrassment, but he, instead, tried to calm himself down first.


    What kind of face was I making? When did she notice? Why hasn''t she said anything yet?


    Distracted by his own worries, he failed to consider greeting her an option and continued to remain silent.


    "Good morning?" Her greeting was quite stiff, but it wasn''t nearly as bad as what he managed to do yesterday. Her voice dispelled his worries, as if he''d actually been worried.


    "Ah, good morning." He returned her greeting, albeit while still acting flustered, and noticed her headphones lying on her desk.


    "What were you watching?" As he asked her that, his embarrassment slowly went away. Maybe he actually was embarrassed this time.


    "Were you watching me?" She blushed a little, as she asked him that, and he began feeling embarrassed again. She didn''t seem bothered by it, but he still felt guilty. Though, it''s more concerning that she doesn''t mind what he did.


    "I was wondering what you were looking at. You were really into it, so I didn''t want to bother you." His nervously put-together response was a little too honest. He could have left out the part where he had been gawking at her.


    "What''s that supposed to mean?" She immediately fired back at him with another reasonable question, but she seemed more embarrassed than him now.


    "I..." He started saying something, but couldn''t think of anything. At this point, he had given himself two options: be honest or make up an excuse. That is to say, he had no clue what to say.


    Then, suddenly, he remembered something she said to him yesterday and a wave of relief washed over him. If it was fine for her to say something like that, then surely...he could too.


    "You were so cute that I couldn''t look away." The words left his mouth, in a moment of sheer desperation, and once that moment ended, he realized something. He was insane to think this would work.


    "What...?" She was blushing even more now, after hearing him spout such an embarrassing one-liner, and he was just as embarrassed.


    "So, what were you watching?" Hoping that she would go along with him pretending he didn''t say that, he repeated his initial question to her.


    "I was watching a cake tutorial video my friend sent me." She still seemed embarrassed, but she decided to throw him a bone on this one. He was glad that she answered his question this time.


    "You like to bake?" He asked her that, knowing full well what her answer would be. It''s not like he''s completely uninterested, but he already knows she does.


    "I don''t just like it. I love baking." For some reason, her eyes seemed to sparkle as she said that to him with a slightly raised voice. She picked up her phone and held it out to him.


    "We made these pancakes together yesterday. They were so good. Just remembering it is making me a little hungry again." Her ecstatic tone while talking about it made it seem more interesting to him. Although, he was mostly just happy to see her so excited about it.


    "They look great. Is that what you two were doing yesterday?" He said that without realizing how easy it would be to misunderstand, but it was already too late for him to realize it now. He really needs to work on his phrasing.


    "How''d you know it was yesterday?" Her confused tone was reasonable, considering the way he worded what he said.


    "Oh, I saw you two walking together when I was leaving school." He managed to correct his mistake, without realizing he had been misunderstood, this time. Is he not doing it on purpose?


    "If you saw me, you should''ve said something." She seemed annoyed now, which confused him. He hadn''t even considered saying something to her yesterday, so he didn''t think anything was wrong with what he told her.


    "I''m sorry." He apologized to her, not because he felt bad for what he did but for upsetting her. His insincerity is honestly disgusting, but it''s nothing new.


    "So, if you see me again, you won''t just pass me by without saying anything, right?" She was a little happy now, but she still seemed bothered. He didn''t want to turn this into something bigger than what it was, so he realized he just had to give up.


    "I promise I will." He reluctantly said that to her, only because he felt guilty. Though, he had no intentions of following through with what he promised.


    "Good. Don''t go forgetting about it this time." She proudly made that remark with a smug look. He felt relieved, seeing her no longer upset. Though, he still had one thing he needed to do.


    "Hey, are you doing something today?" He asked her that all of a sudden and she seemed taken aback. As was I. This isn''t something he would do, not even in a million years.


    You''re doing this on purpose,


    aren''t you?


    He shuddered for a moment, but no one else noticed.


    "I am, but why are you asking?" Once he heard her answer, he zoned out her voice and prepared himself. It''s almost like he actually felt nervous.


    "Do you want to go out with me then?" Instead of answering her, he asked her a question of his own. She began blushing and looked completely starstruck.


    "Umm...I...would like that..." She started awkwardly twirling her hair as she mumbled something under her breath, but that couldn''t hide how red her cheeks had become. I actually feel a little bad for what''s about to happen.


    "Is it alright if I choose where we go then?" He pulled out his phone without thinking to look at how she''d react to what he said and started looking something up.


    |¡ð|


    "You want to go out with me...somewhere?" I felt tense, and anxious, asking him that, but he didn''t even bother to look at me at first. Surely, that''s not what he meant...right?


    "Yeah?" He finally looked at me, but now I wish he hadn''t. I felt a sharp pain in my chest seeing him look at me so worried.


    "Are you okay?" He looks even more worried now. He hasn''t realized that I misunderstood what he was asking me.


    Why did I have to think that?


    I''m so stupid.


    My body tenses up when he suddenly puts his hand on my shoulder. He''s looking at me so seriously, but I just want to look away.


    "What''s wrong?" He asks me that, but there''s nothing wrong at all. It''s my own fault for getting ahead of myself like that. I''m okay.


    "I''m..." I need to tell him that I''m okay. It''s just two words, but they won''t come out. I can feel something beating loudly in my head. It hurts.


    "I''m okay." The words finally come out. That''s right. I''m okay. For a moment, I feel relieved, but he still looks worried. Why?


    "I''m scared..." Those words come out of my mouth, all of a sudden, and a chill runs down my back. He looks relieved, but I''m terrified.


    "I..." I shouldn''t have said that. It''s my fault. I have to deal with it myself. I don''t need his help. Why did I say that?


    "I thought you were asking me to go out as a couple..." I can feel the blood draining from my face and there''s a disgusting taste in my mouth. What''s wrong with me?


    "That''s...I mean...I..." I can''t think straight. I can barely look at him straight on. I want to dig a hole in the ground and crawl into it.


    "I think I like you..." My head hurts. I can feel tears running down my cheek. I feel like I''m about to throw up. "Why did I say that...?"


    "How could I feel calm right now?!" I feel upset all of a sudden, after yelling something I don''t understand at him. The throbbing sensation in my head is gone, but I don''t understand why.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Mena, why are you doing this to me?!" I''m yelling at him again, but I''m not even upset anymore. I look around the classroom for a moment, and it''s empty. But...wait...when did he ever tell me his name...


    |¡ó|


    "You want to go somewhere with me then?" He asked her that while looking directly at her, hoping that doing so would raise his chances somehow. An extraordinary pain is swelling in his head, but he''s ignoring it.


    She seemed surprised by his sudden question. As was I. Her red cheeks made it obvious how flustered she was, but seeing her tugging on her hair made it even clearer.


    "I''d like that." She had a stupidly sweet grin on her face, as she said that to him, and he acted as if he was surprised by her answer.


    "It''s okay if I choose where we go, right?" He asked her that, without pulling out his phone this time, and continued to look at her.


    "Uhh, yeah?" She said that with a confused look on her face, which made sense since he asked her such an unnecessary question. He didn''t seem to understand why she looked confused.


    "Okay. Can I..." For some reason, his mouth stopped moving, before he finished what he was saying, and he felt terrified by something.


    His vision becomes distorted and blood bursts from his face.


    She looks at him, terrified by what just happened. He...


    |¡ó|


    "Okay. Can I have your number?." He asked her that, even though he already had her number, and took out his phone without looking away from her.


    They exchanged numbers, and he looked at her contact on his phone with a strange smile on his face. He put his phone away and looked back at her. His eyes widened when he noticed her humming to herself so innocently.


    His face was burning up as his eyes stayed focused on her reddish lips.


    "I''m sorry." He said that to her, without caring about how she''d feel about it, and bit down on his lip. She wouldn''t understand what he was apologizing for, but she would still be able to tell that something was wrong. So...


    |¡ó¡õ¡õ¡õ|


    He leaned his back against the railing of the stairs and took out his phone. While looking at the few messages they had exchanged, a drop of something red splashed onto the screen.


    He rubbed his forehead and got blood on his hand. A sharp pain abruptly came into his head for a second. He looked at his hand again and the blood was gone.


    There wasn''t any reason for him to worry about what happened just now, so he didn''t. He began typing out a message to her.


    ¡¸I''ll be waiting outside by the stairs near the parking lot.¡¹


    He sent the message to her and turned off his phone, without waiting for her response.


    A cool breeze suddenly pushed against his back, startling him for a moment.


    He looked down at his hands, covered in blood, and nearly choked on his breath. He looked up at the two corpses in front of him and tried to walk toward them, but couldn''t. He looked down at the chains tying his legs to the ground, which shouldn''t have been there.


    "Why are you crying?"


    His entire body froze up.


    "You''re the one who killed them."


    His phone fell to the ground, bringing him back to reality. He bent over to pick it up and noticed his hand was shaking. He ignored it and put his phone in his pocket. "I hope she gets here soon." He said that and leaned against the railing again. That disgusting look on his face was gone, but I wasn''t happy about it at all.


    |¡ð|


    I take out my phone for a second and start grinning to myself, seeing who sent me a message. I look to my left and feel a little embarrassed, seeing Juli, holding in a laugh, looking at me smiling like an idiot.


    "You get a text from your boyfriend?" She asked me that, even though she knew we were just friends. I feel a little dejected, reminding myself of that fact, but I shouldn''t let that bring me down.


    "Yeah. He''s waiting for me by the stairs in the back." I say that, but I still don''t know where he''s taking me. I was hoping he would tell me, but he hasn''t yet. I put my phone back in my pocket and look back at Juli.


    "Aren''t you gonna text him back?" I can tell she''s worried about me, but I feel uneasy hearing her ask me that. I didn''t think about it, but that should''ve been the obvious thing to do. Yet, I didn''t. Why didn''t I?


    I don''t think I should worry about it so much.


    "It''s fine. He knows I''ll be there." I say that, but I''m not even convinced by my own words. It''s strange, but I don''t find it strange at all. I can tell Juli didn''t buy it either, but she''ll reluctantly accept it for now.


    That''s about as much as I can do as well.


    I lean my head on her shoulder; I can tell she''s flustered by me doing that, but she doesn''t dislike it. "Thank you for listening to me earlier. I appreciate it, so much." I say that to her, while closing my eyes, feeling a little embarrassed. There was no need to do that, but I still did.


    I open my eyes when her soft arms wrap around my waist. And suddenly, it''s so quiet. I hadn''t realized it, but it''s only the two of us in here. I can tell she''s blushing suuuper hard right now, and she''s hiding her face from me. I put my hands over her shoulders.


    "If he does anything you don''t like, let me know right away, okay?" I can tell she really means that, and that makes me happy, but there''s something else there too. I don''t want to ask her about it right now, but I know I''ll have to at some point.


    We pull away from each other and she gives me a serious look that I rarely ever see from her. I feel a little sad having to let go. I can tell she does too.


    "Now, go sweep him off his feet." Her encouraging words, along with that nonchalant attitude of hers, make me feel a little guilty, but I need to worry about myself right now.


    "Yeah. I''ll call you once I get home." I say that and walk away from her, since I know she''s headed in the opposite direction from where he''s waiting for me, but I turn around now and then to wave back at her.


    I stop at the door and look back again, but she''s gone now. I push the door open and walk outside. I see him leaning against the railing, staring up at the sky with a wistful look on his face. I can tell something happened, but I can''t ask him about it.


    |¡õ|


    "Mena!" He felt a chill, hearing that familiar voice calling out to him, and noticed Louise walking over to him. A familiar scene flashed in his mind as he watched her, but it didn''t take her long to reach him and he quickly forgot about it.


    "You ready?" He asked her that, knowing fully well that she would still be wondering where they would be going, but he decided that telling her that could wait. She looked a bit irritated by his attitude, but she reluctantly nodded anyway.


    "Where''d you say you parked your car?" He asked her that since she mentioned having a car in one of her messages, he didn''t know where it was. That meant that he didn''t need to bother asking her what he already knew.


    "It''s not too far from here. But aren''t you gonna tell me where we''re going first?" She asked him that and started walking ahead of him. Seeing that, he caught up to her and walked next to her. He considered telling her, but he decided he wouldn''t instead.


    "Is it okay if I drive?" He asked her that, once they reached her car, and she looked at him, a little confused. She had probably been planning to be the one driving, but, more importantly, she still didn''t know where he wanted to take her.


    "Sure?" She hesitantly said that, but she seemed worried about something. He noticed that but decided to ignore it.


    They both got into the car and she handed him the keys, as she took out her phone. He started up the car and music started playing, along with the wheezing sound of the AC turning on.


    "So, you still not gonna tell me?" She asked him that one more time, as he backed out of the parking space. He came to a stop and looked at her with a smug grin.


    "I promise you''ll like where we''re going. So just look forward to it, okay?" He said that with complete confidence, which he had for a completely shallow reason.


    "Fine." She reluctantly agreed and let out a sigh as she looked at something on her phone. Hearing her say that, he looked ahead and started driving.


    As he drove, he realized how quiet it was, even with the music playing in the back. He wanted to tell her something that was on his mind; he''s had numerous opportunities to say it, but he couldn''t convince himself to follow through.


    "How often do you drive? You''re really good." She seemed genuinely impressed when she said that. Hearing her words of praise put him at ease. He thought about the many times he''d driven her, but one time, in particular, was stuck in his mind.


    "I don''t drive that often, but I spent a lot of time practicing." He said that with a painfully blank expression on his face since he was hiding how he felt remembering the past.


    "Your family doesn''t make you drive them places?" She asked him that with unfortunate timing, considering what he was thinking about. He shuddered for a moment, but quickly forgot about it and calmed down.


    "I don''t live with my family." He said that with a fake smile plastered on his face. He only said the bare minimum to her, but he was still dreading how she would respond. He didn''t want her to go digging up a past he didn''t want to dwell on.


    "Wait, you live alone?" She seemed surprised by this sudden revelation, but that was to be expected. He was only in high school, yet he was living on his own already. Anyone would be shocked by that.


    "Well, yeah. I guess I do." He answered her nonchalantly, despite how ridiculous what he was saying to her was. She seemed bothered by his matter-of-fact tone about it, but she was also worried about it too.


    He couldn''t tell her the complete truth, so, instead of lying and making up some half-assed story, he decided to just tell her some of the truth.


    "What''s that like?" She asked him that, seeming uninterested in the reason behind his living situation. He was surprised that she didn''t ask him about it, but he wasn''t happy about the question he had gotten in its stead.


    "It''s nice. Being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. It''s a lot quieter too." He gave her a very surface-level answer, without giving it too much thought. He didn''t want to think about his family any more than he had to, so he didn''t.


    "Don''t you get lonely sometimes?" She asked him that, as he parked in front of their destination. He looked at her, and she was looking back at him. It was this part about her that he always found endearing. But now, he only found it to be a nuisance.


    "I''m used to it." He said that with no amount of sorrow or bitterness in his tone. In his mind, being alone wasn''t something that bothered him anymore. He couldn''t even remember what it was like when it did bother him. He was used to it.


    "Mena. I want you to look at me." He was confused by her words, which seemed silly. He was looking right at her, after all.


    "What do you-"


    "Mena." He was about to ask her a redundant question of his own, but she suddenly spoke over him.


    "What do you see when you look at me?" She asked him that seriously. He could tell that she wasn''t joking around. Still, he didn''t understand what she meant.


    "I see you?" He confusedly answered her, without acknowledging what she was really getting at. He''s acting as if he really doesn''t understand what she''s saying.


    "Why are you so sad then?" Her words cut deep into his psyche. He was nervous, and when he looked away from her, he wordlessly confirmed her worries.


    "You can talk to me about-"


    |¡ó|


    "What''s that like?" She asked him that, without showing any interest in the reason behind his living situation, which is surprising. He gave her question some thought.


    "It''s pretty fun. I don''t have to worry about making food for others every morning and night anymore. And I don''t have a curfew too." He enthusiastically answered her question, with minimal details about why it was fun or why having a curfew bothered him.


    "You don''t feel lonely living by yourself?" She asked him that, as he drove into a parking space in front of their destination. He looked at her, after parking the car, and she was looking at him.


    "It does sometimes. But it''s not like I can never see them again." For some reason, he lied to her. What he said wasn''t true at all, but he acted as if it was as he answered her.


    "Mena. Look at me." He felt oddly nervous hearing her say that to him, but he simply did as she said and looked her in the eye.


    "Who are you looking at when you talk to me?" She asked him that seriously. He could tell she wasn''t joking at all. He tried to think about what she meant.


    "I''m looking at you." He answers her sincerely, hoping that she would accept his response. He began feeling nervous though.


    His vision becomes distorted and the interior of the car is covered in his blood.


    It disappears immediately.


    "Why do you look so sad whenever you''re talking to me?" Her words cut deep. He tried to look away from her, but she held his face in her hands, forcing him to face her.


    "I want you to talk to me about-"


    |¡ó|


    "I''ll listen to whatever you have-"


    |¡ó|


    "There''s no reason for you to-"


    |¡ó|


    "I''m here for you, no matter-"


    |¡ó|


    "We can mull over it together, you don''t have to-"


    |¡ó|


    A warm feeling was dripping from his nose, forming a bloody river down his shirt. His head was aching from an immense pain and he felt delirious.


    The blood was gone before she could see it, but it was obvious that he was trying to control her again.


    "What''s that like?" She asked him that and he seemed relieved that she didn''t show any interest in knowing why he was living by himself.


    "It''s a nice change of pace. I get lonely sometimes, but I feel at ease being able to do whatever I want without needing to hold myself back." He gave an unnecessarily honest response to her question. It''s surprising that he would tell her something like that. Even if it was the truth; he lied to her about how he felt about it.


    "Do you ever think about going back to live with your family again?"


    |¡ó|


    He suddenly started coughing up, as a waterfall of blood flooded down his face. He kept looking forward, ignoring the immense pain in his throbbing head.


    She doesn''t notice the blood or his intense gasping, as he continued driving.


    ¡õ ¡õ ¡õ


    "What''s that like?" She asks me that same question again, which I''ve gotten tired of answering. I can barely focus on the road, let alone come up with another lie to give her. Wouldn''t it be okay, if I just tell her the truth?


    "I''ve hated it, living by myself." I stop at a red light and look over at her, and she''s looking at me. She didn''t feel sad, or pity me when I said that; she just wanted to hear what I have to say.


    "I''ve been trying my best to do everything I need to. But it all makes me feel so empty now.  I don''t know what I''m doing anymore. Nothing has changed. I''m scared. How much longer will I have to live like this?" As I say that, I pull into the parking space in front of the place I was going to surprise her with and park the car. I look over at her and she''s looking at me.


    Why did I say that?


    |¡õ|


    "Mena." As she called his name, she reached over and hugged him tightly. His eyes became watery, but he couldn''t wipe them. He couldn''t move.


    "You''re not alone. I''m right here." She soft spoke into his ear, with an endearing tone. He started laughing, hearing her say that.


    "Why are you laughing?" She asked him that, with an embarrassed tone, while still holding onto him. He continued laughing, unable to stop himself.


    Eventually, he calmed down and he leaned against her cheek, with a gentle expression on his face.


    "Thank you." He said that to her and felt the heat from her cheek rise. He moved his hands up and wrapped them around her back.


    "Uhh...you''re welcome." She awkwardly said that to him, while still feeling embarrassed. He chuckled a bit, hearing her say that the way she did.


    "I''m glad you''re with me right now. Thank you for always being so nice to me." He began talking to her with a saddened tone in his voice, which confused her.


    "Why are you-"


    |¡ó|


    There was a cold sensation wrapped around his ankles, as well as his hands. A feeling he knew all too well. He looked up and in front of him were his mother and sister. He tried to reach out to them, but his eyes widened the moment he noticed the dead look in their eyes.


    "Now then. Kill Vale."


    "Stop!" He screamed out in pain, but he couldn''t do a thing to stop it from happening. His body started moving on its own and a loud thud resounded in his ears, as he tried to stop himself. He put his hand around his mother''s neck and, in an instant, crushed it.


    He fell to his knees, panting as he stared at the limp body that he was still holding onto. The blood in his hand was incredibly warm. Before it was too late, he attempted to heal her-


    "Don''t move."


    His body was frozen still. His ragged breathing felt nauseating as he watched her cough up blood; a pool of blood covered the floor below her. It only took a few more seconds for her to fall over and hit the ground; she was dead. There was no way he could save her now.


    "WHY DID YOU-?!" Blood trickled down his lip after he forced those words out.


    "Why are already getting upset?"


    "There''s still one more to go, isn''t there?"


    He stood up on his own, breaking the muscles in his legs. His entire body was shaking, but he couldn''t figure out where he was from here. He looked at his sister, who was still staring at him with a blank expression on her face.


    "Kill her, Mena."


    He walked over to where she was sitting and stood in front of her. There was no way he could stop it from happening. He slowly moved his hand up and grabbed her by the neck. His hand was shaking erratically as he tried as hard as he could to stop himself. In an instant, he felt his hand squeeze down and crush her.


    "You did well."


    The moment he released him, he fell to his knees once again. Even though he was able to move now, he couldn''t look away. In front of him, were his mother and sister. Dead by his own hands. As he stared at their distorted bodies, their smiling faces they had the day he left flashed in his eyes.


    "I...couldn''t even keep my promise to you..." Tears poured down his cheek as he slammed his hands against the floor, crushing it.


    "Why are you crying?"


    ¡õ ¡õ ¡õ


    "Mena?" Suddenly, her face was right in front of me, and I fell back in my chair. I hit the ground with a dramatic thud, but no one else seemed to notice. The blood was gone. They were gone. He was gone.


    Why did I remember that now all of a sudden? Is it because I saw someone who reminded me of him?


    It doesn''t matter. I just need to...-


    I laugh to myself with a bitter smile on my face and stand up. As I''m picking up the chair, I notice a mark on my hand and sit down. I look at Louise, who''s gone quiet for a while now. That dead look in her eyes tells me all I need to know.


    He''s finally going to start ''getting in my way'' now?


    Good, this is just what I needed.


    With this, I''ll have all the pieces I need.


    "Mena?" I look at her eyes but find nothing. He''s not controlling her anymore. That''s fine. I just need to get this over with so I can move on to the next step.


    "You know what you want?" She has a favorite she always goes with, and it''s pretty good, but she hasn''t told me that yet, so I ask her a basic question like that instead. I''ll just say I''ll get whatever she''s having and that''ll be that.


    I''ll have to bring Virtril back soon, or he''ll notice something''s up.


    Well, he still hasn''t realized what I''m doing. I doubt he''d suddenly realize it now.


    But still, if I''m going to displace him, I need to make sure he doesn''t say anything unnecessary to her.


    If she finds out what I''m doing, then there will be no plan.


    I smirk and notice she''s been scowling at me for a while now. That''s embarrassing. I didn''t realize I''d gotten distracted there. I laugh a bit and blush a little, which seems to be enough to satisfy her.


    I''m glad she''s so stupid.

 Day 3: Not Willing to Give Up (Part 1)

    An alarm started beeping and woke him up. He looked at the ceiling for a moment and got out of bed. The silent ticking in his room still bothered him, but he still wouldn''t do anything about it.


    He walked over to his dresser and grabbed the same outfit he wore every day. For a moment, he looked at the empty wall, but there was still nothing there; so, with nothing else to do, he left his room.


    Once he was done going through his morning routine, he walked out of the front door and quickly hopped down the stairs. They creaked loudly with each step he took; it sounded like they were about to fall off.


    The world around him is dark and he can''t move his body.


    It only lasted for a moment, as the world almost instantly got brighter, and he could see again.


    He stood up in front of the school''s gate, with a nauseating headache, and walked in with the other students. It didn''t matter whether they were actually there or not; everyone else could disappear again and nothing would have changed. He ignored everything around him unless it suits his own convenience to notice it.


    He got to class and walked through the already open door; he noted a few people who were in the room but Louise wasn''t there yet and, in his mind, that was all that mattered.


    He walked over to his seat and sat down at his desk without looking at anyone else in the room. There was no reason for him to look at anyone else, even if he knew some of them. For a moment, he looked back at the empty chair behind him but quickly turned away.


    Lucky break hu-...


    He took out his phone and went to his messages. His most recent one was to the girl that should have been behind him; of course it was. There was clearly something he didn''t want me to see, but I have no power to make him show me. For a moment, he considered opening it, but he turned his phone off and put it away instead; he seemed uneasy.


    He closed his eyes and emptied his mind; doing that helped him relax sometimes, but it also put him on edge at others. There was nothing stopping him from controlling his own emotions too, but he''s never once tried to.


    His empty mind slowly slipped away from him, as he fell asleep on his desk. This was the first time he''d ever done something like that, but he seemed used to it.


    |¡ó|


    They ran up the hill that separated them from the estate and reached a small hut nestled on the outskirts of where they were allowed to go. The girl opened the door and turned around to face him with a bright smile.


    "Welcome back!" She enthusiastically jumped forward as she said that and hugged him. They had been separated for nearly a year and it''d been nearly two since they''d been alone together.


    "Yeah, I''m back." He was happy to finally be able to say that, as he looked around at the dusty walls, the poorly placed¡ªand uncomfortable to sit on¡ªcouch, and the shoddily put-together dining table. Even though every moment they spent together was ingrained in his mind, he couldn''t remember how he felt back then.


    "Promise that you won''t leave me again." She said that, as she started crying in his ear. His heart shivered, hearing her sobbing so vehemently, and he wrapped his arms around her back. For a moment, he considered making that empty promise to her, even if it would have been a lie.


    "You know I can''t promise that." As he tried to calmly say that to her, tears started rolling down his face. It wasn''t what he wanted to say, but he didn''t know what else he could''ve said.


    "I don''t know! How could I? We haven''t talked in years! All I know is that one day you just left without a word and I couldn''t do anything about it! So why...why can''t you promise me at least that much...?" He felt sick hearing her frantically screaming at him because he knew it was partially his own fault. They both fell to the ground, still hugging each other, and he gently patted her head.


    "I''m sorry, Sene...I..."


    |¡õ|


    He opened his eyes, waking up from the dream he was having, and wiped the tears that were starting to come. Even though he felt disoriented from waking up, he still noticed Louise''s adorable face in front of him. He sat up straight and took a moment to clear his mind, but it didn''t seem to help.


    "Good morning sleepyhead." She looked like she was about to laugh as she said that. His face was getting warmer, looking at her smiling so endearingly; he tried a second time to clear his mind, but he couldn''t get her out of his head.


    "Hey. Good morning." He said that while looking away from her. She got up and walked behind him, but he was too distracted to notice. She pulled up a chair next to him and sat down, but he still hadn''t noticed.


    A soft air blew on his ear and he immediately jumped up with both his hands covering it. He looked at Louise smiling smugly in a chair next to his and put the pieces together in his head. After standing there awkwardly for a while, he sat back down and tried to calm himself down again.


    "What''s up?" She asked him that while he was still recovering from her surprise attack. This time, he felt annoyed by her nonchalant attitude and looked her in the eye with determination, for some reason.


    "You know, the usual." He didn''t look cool at all while saying that, but it was too late for him to realize that now. She looked like she was about to laugh again, which I wouldn''t blame her for.


    "No, I don''t know. And don''t be an ass. I was serious. You looked like you were about to cry just now." She said that and leaned her head against his shoulder, which actually irritated him. He gave her a cold look, but she didn''t seem to mind it, and she smiled back at him.


    "It was just a dream I had." He felt defeated while saying that and he didn''t want her to ask anything else about it. A chill ran down his back when he realized he couldn''t make her do that anymore. It''s as if he''s been subtly making her act the way he wanted her to this entire time; but now, he can''t.


    "What kind of dream was it? If you don''t mind me asking." She seemed genuinely interested in knowing what it was about, but she asked him rather sincerely. It was a choice for him to make: whether to tell her about it or not.


    "Just so you know, it''s not that interesting." He said that and leaned his head against hers. There was nothing for him to lose from it, so he resigned himself to tell her. For a moment, something like black smoke started rising above him, but it quickly went away.


    I''ve been forced to watch everything he''s done in this world; I know how he thinks. He absolutely would do something like this if it meant having less problems to deal with later. But just now, that smoke was him, wasn''t it. Why is he not doing something about it?


    To begin with, why did he suddenly start caring about Louise again? It doesn''t make any sense; after everything he''s done, he wouldn''t go through all this trouble for nothing. There has to be a reason for it. But what reason could he possibly have? Does it have something to do with her?


    There are too many gaps in my memories to get a clear picture of it all, but if she really is a part of this, then she might have the answers I''m looking for. But there''s an even bigger problem I need to worry about: is it even possible to do that without him finding out?


    "And that''s about it." He finished telling her about it and looked over to see her wiping tears on her sleeve. Seeing her getting so emotional about it put a smile on him, but he felt a little bad for making her cry so early in the morning.


    "Are you okay?" He asked her that and took out some tissues to give her. Some students noticed what was going on, but they couldn''t do anything about it and ignored it. It''s so obvious, now that I think about it, but that''s only because I''m able to think about it now. He''s really been doing it this whole time.


    "Of course I''m not okay. There''s no way I could be after hearing something like that." She said that while doing her best to wipe the tears and snot off her face. For some reason, I wasn''t able to hear what he told her; going by her reaction, there''s a chance he told the truth, but why would he do that?


    It''s not enough to know that he''s doing something if I don''t know what he''s going to do. I can''t figure it out by thinking rationally, I need to think like him. There''s no way he''d be dumb enough to give me a chance like this on accident. He must have done it on purpose.


    When I realized something was up, my first instinct was to find a way to reach out to her. Why? I''ve never once spoken to her myself, so why would I try to now? How would she even know anything about this? She''s been reset, just like everyone else.


    You said you wanted answers, right?


    It should have been obvious.


    Good luck finding them.


    He planned this all from the start, didn''t he-...


    |¡õ¡ð¡ð¡õ|


    She sat down at a table in the cafeteria and took out her phone. Her reflection showed on the glass, but it disappeared once the screen turned on. She opened up a notes app and started typing something on it: "Hello"


    Is she talking to me?


    She started typing again: "Yeah I can hear you"


    "What''re you doing here?"


    How should I know?


    "well ur useless"


    It''s not like I''m not trying here. It must have been Mena.


    "no shit. who else could it have been?"


    Okay, first, rude. Second, there actually is someone else it could be, but let''s just hope it''s not him.


    "yeah, ur right. I never even considered it. oh god. what if it is ''him''. oh no. this is ter-"


    Could you BE more annoying?


    Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more.


    "its ur fault for saying it like I should know who tf ur talkin bout"


    Like hell it''s my fault.


    "so, who is this mysterious ''him'' that the legends foretold eons ago would bring darkness to our wor-"


    Okay, I''ll tell you! So just shut up alright?


    "kay"


    Do you want the long version or the short version?


    "does the short version come with pictures?"


    This isn''t some fuckin slideshow. I''m going to explain it to you, in words.


    "damn that sounds boring as hell"


    You''re the one who asked me to!


    "fine, just tell me the short version then"


    No, don''t just say it like I''m forcing you to listen to me now. If you don''t want to hear it, I don''t have to tell you.


    "you gonna start explaining shit or do you like complaining?"


    Hahhhhhhh...


    Once upon a ti-


    "ok nvm, you reallllly don''t have to tell me"


    Huh? What? What the hell?! I haven''t even started yet!


    "I could tell it was gonna get boring. just give me a one-sentence summary of what you were about to say"


    I swear, if you say one more thing, I''m just not going to tell you.


    "ok fine"


    All you need to know is: don''t bring up his family to him.


    "what happened to his family?"


    Do you really want to know? Cause if you''re just asking out of curiosity, don''t pretend that you care.


    "forget I asked"


    Thank you.


    "don''t mention it"


    Do you get a kick out of talking like that?


    "no comment"


    Why did I have to get stuck with you of all people?


    "whats that supposed to mean?"


    Exactly what it sounds like.


    God, I always knew you were annoying, but this is even worse than I could have ever imagined.


    "how kind of you"


    Like you can talk.


    "Hey Louise, did hear about Mr. Rhamonmsky?" Suddenly, a girlish voice asked her that and she looked up from her phone to see Julliette sit down next to her. That name sounded like a joke, but she seemed serious.


    "Let me guess, he''s not here today?" She sarcastically said that to her and put her phone away. Thank god this girl showed up, now I won''t have to deal with her anymore.


    You didn''t think this through that far, did you?


    "Okay, so you didn''t hear this from me, but word is that he got caught doing it with a student last night, and that''s why he''s not here today." She whispered that in her ear and she had a disgusted look on her face just thinking about it. That does sound horrible, but that''s not the kind of chit-chat you should have before eating.


    Shut up.


    "Does anyone know who it was?" She asked her what anyone would ask after hearing a story like this, but it was insensitive, to say the least. Though, I doubt she even knew what that word meant.


    Okay, I know I was being a little mean, but aren''t you taking it a little too personally?


    "She skipped today so no one knows if it''s really her, but some girls say they saw them meeting up after school a while back. If it really was her, I don''t blame her for not coming." After saying that, she went silent. It seemed she didn''t want to say anymore, but it was obvious that she was hiding something.


    "D-" You shouldn''t ask her.


    Why?


    Just don''t. Nothing good will come out of it.


    Are you stupid or something?


    "Is it someone I know?" She asked her that even though she had no way of knowing about it. Juli looked surprised by her question, but not nearly as much as she should''ve been.


    "It was...Lily." She hesitated at first, but still went through with telling her. The moment she heard that name, her mind went blank.


    "You...You''re joking, right?" She nervously asked her that with a crack in her voice, but she seemed to already know what her answer would be.


    She got up and took a few steps back, nearly bumping into someone walking behind her. After taking some time to cool down, she sat back down.


    "Louise, I-"


    "Is it my fault this happened?" She asked her that while wearing a painful expression. Juli looked at her, not knowing what to do, and gave her a pat on the shoulder.


    "Of course it''s not! How could you say tha-"


    "We used to talk almost every day. We''d walk home after school and fall asleep watching movies. I remember one time we stayed up so late we didn''t even realize school had started. Our parents were so mad, they made us go to school in the afternoon and apologize to the whole class. It was so embarrassing. She was even the reason I got so into baking; our parents would always get mad at us for making a mess, but we''d always clean it up together. And then there was tha-" As she reminisced to Juli about this and that, she started crying more and more.


    "Louise!" Juli yelled out her name and hugged her but she still felt terrible. She lifted up her hands and put them on her back.


    "Why did I stop talking to her?" She asked her that, but she knew Juli wouldn''t know what to say. That wasn''t something someone else could answer for her.


    I don''t want to be that guy, but I-


    I thought I told you to shut up.


    |¡ð|


    "You shouldn''t blame yourself for what happened." I know Juli is saying that cause she''s worried about me, but I don''t know what to say to that. I know she''s right. I know that. There was nothing I could do to stop this.


    "Even if it''s not my fault, even if there was nothing I could have done to stop it; I could''ve been there for her." As I said that, with snot drooling out my nose, I noticed my phone vibrating in my pocket. The screen turns on and I jump out of my seat, unable to look away from the name: "Lily".


    ¡¸could you come over after school?¡¹


    I can see the last message she sent me, nearly three years ago, but I push it into the back of my mind.


    ¡¸I''ll be right there¡¹


    "Hey Juli, could you cover for my next period? Something just came up." I tell that to her while picking up my lunch which I nearly forgot about. I can tell she''s worried about me, but I need to leave now. "I''ll call you later okay."


    I walk out the cafeteria and head to the parking lot at the back of the school. Luckily, the gate was still left open, for some reason, and I was able to leave without anyone noticing me.


    ''It''s convenient that no one was there when I left.''


    As if I could believe that.


    |¡ð¡õ|


    She got out of her car and ran to the front door. Her nervously shaking hand reached the door and knocked on it. As she waited, she realized she didn''t know where to look; her eyes wandered around and she couldn''t keep still.


    Sorry about earlier, I was upset.


    It''s fine, but why are you at Lily''s?


    How do you-?


    The door opened and Lily was standing there, terrified.


    "Louise? What are you doing here already?" She asked her that, but Louise couldn''t look away from her bloody hands, tangled hair, and wet clothes all swaying as her chest rose up and down.


    "What...what were you doing just now?" There was an obvious shake in her voice as she asked her that. It couldn''t have been more obvious, what she was doing; she just didn''t want to accept it.


    "For now, do you want to come in?" She moved aside and Louise walked in. Before she could gather her thoughts, a trail of blood across the floor came into view. It was a good thing that she managed to not eat lunch today.


    She turned around at the sound of the door closing and noticed the dead look in her eyes¡ªit was gone now.


    Suddenly, Lily started shivering and gasping for air, but she didn''t know what to do. She hugged her cold arms and-


    "AHHHHHHH...!!!!" She screamed so terrifyingly loudly that it almost knocked her off her feet. Even though she had just opened the door for her, she looked at Louise with horror. She swept her off her feet and picked her up, which startled her enough to calm her down.


    "Is the couch fine? Or do you wanna go to your room?" She asked her that in as calm of a tone as she could, as water started dripping down her arms. Lily had calmed down, but it was too unnatural to be a coincidence.


    "Whatever you want is fine." She smiled sadistically hearing her say that. I can tell she''s about to do something stupid as she walks over to the couch and puts her down.


    I''m taking her to my house.


    Huh? Why would you do that? Aren''t you worried about her? This isn''t the time to go off and do whatever you want.


    Of course I''m worried. That''s why I''m taking her away from here.


    She walked over to a closet that was nearby and took out a blanket. It was all the way in the back; she knew it would be there. She wrapped Lily in the blanket and picked her up again. When she noticed she was asleep, she got angry for a moment but she managed to calm herself down.


    Your dad is there, isn''t he? What are you going to do if he finds out? And what if someone sees you carrying her?


    She carried her over to the front door and looked down at the puddle of water she almost stepped on. That was where Lily was standing when she opened the door.


    Please, just, stay out of this for now.


    I know it''s not your fault, but I don''t want either of you to have anything to do with this.


    You understand?


    She managed to get the door open, while still holding on to Lily, and walked outside. The hot sun was staring down at them, as she closed the door behind her; she had no way to lock the door, so she left feeling a little guilty.


    There was no one else outside, which shouldn''t have been possible. She walked across the street and arrived at her house in almost no time. The key to the door was in her pocket still, so how was she going to-


    Ding-Dong


    She rang the doorbell with no hesitation. After waiting a while, someone opened the door.


    "Hey dad, don''t mind me, just bringing Lily over to my room. Oh, and bring me a towel, some drinks, and something to eat, would you?" She walked past her dad, said all of that, and staggered up the stairs with Lily in tow. Once she was in her room, she set her down on the bed and took the wet blanket off of her.


    A knock came at the door, but she didn''t get up to open it. She could hear the faint footsteps and once they were gone, she got up and opened the door. There was a towel, some snacks and drinks, and a set of unopened pajamas lying on the floor; she brought them all in and closed the door.


    "Umm, Louise, why am I in your room?" She turned around to see Lily looking around the room. There was no telling how much she remembered before passing out, but, before she could another word in, she tossed the pajamas at her.


    "Why don''t you put those on first? Oh, and use this." She said that and threw the towel at her as well.


    "Thanks." She looked down at the pajamas and mumbled her thanks to her. Once she started unbuttoning her shirt, Louise got up and opened her closet. She pulled out pajamas that were practically the same as the ones she had given to her except in a different color.


    She started getting undressed and looked over at Lily, who was drying her hair off with the towel.


    "If you need anything just let me know, okay?" She looked away from her as she said that, after noticing the red marks on her chest. They must have hurt a lot.


    "Yeah, I will." She felt terrible, hearing her say that, but she didn''t know what to do. She got the pajamas and stepped out of the closet, closing it. After hesitating a bit, she looked over at her, wearing the pajamas as well, and felt relieved.


    They both looked at each other, but neither spoke. Louise walked over to the bed and sat down next to her.


    "I''m glad those fit you. They were supposed to be mom''s but...she never wore them." Even though she finally managed to say something to her, there was still an overwhelming air of tension between them.


    "I know pink is more your style, but you look great in red too." She said whatever was on her mind, but she didn''t know how to bring up what she should''ve been talking about.


    "Aren''t you gonna ask me about it?" She froze, hearing her ask that, and looked away from her. Of course she knew that she needed to bring it up at some point, but she almost didn''t want to.


    "Come on, just say it. ''Why''d you try to kill yourself?''. See, it isn''t that hard." Her sarcastic tone as she said that to her was clearly forced, but she wasn''t wrong.


    "Please, say something." Her lips wouldn''t move, no matter how much she wanted them to. She finally looked back at Lily again; she was forcing a smile on her face. Seeing that look she had, made all of the anxiety she was feeling crumble away.


    "You feeling hungry?" She asked her that with genuine sincerity, but it felt like she was joking.


    "Wha-...no I''m not-"


    "Dad brought us some snacks. I didn''t get a chance to see what they were, but want me to go check?" Her voice was disturbingly calm as she said that, but she was doing it on purpose. There''s no way she was actually feeling calm about any of this.


    "Why aren''t you saying anything about it?" She looked like she was about to fall apart as she said that.


    "I don''t know." The moment she said that she finally felt calm again, but Lily just looked confused.


    "What do you mean, you don''t know? You''re supposed to tell me what I did was wrong, right? You''re supposed to tell me I could''ve died, right? You''re supposed to tell me I should never do something like that again, RIGHT?!" She had grabbed onto Louise''s sleeve and started crying on it. Louise looked at the state she was in and gently hugged her.


    "If you want to tell me why you did what you did, you can; I''m not going to stop you; I''ll listen for as long as you want me to, no matter how long that takes. If you want me to reprimand you for what you did then I''m sorry, but I can''t do that. I can''t say I understand why you''d want me to, but I''m not gonna do something that''ll just make both of us feel worse. I''m not going to ask you anything, but you can ask me whatever you want. I''ll do my best to make it happen." As she said that, she could feel Lily''s hand gripping harder and harder, but she didn''t say anything at first. She felt content with staying like this with her.


    "Could you please tell me...to never do something like that again?" Her quiet voice mumbled those words into her ear.


    "Is that really what you want?" She asked her that with a quaint voice and she could feel her head nodding.


    "Yeah." Somehow, she could tell she felt content saying that. She could tell?


    "Do you want to do it again?" Instead of giving her what she wanted, like she said she would, she instead asked her that, rather rudely.


    "...no." She hesitated before saying that, but she could tell she wasn''t lying.


    "Then isn''t that good enough?" She asked her that as if it were a genuine question.


    "But tha-"


    "I can''t be the one who tells you what to do." She said that as if there were another person those words were meant for, someone who wasn''t even there.


    "I don''t know what I should do though..." She said that meekly, as her body became heavier on her.


    "Then, you wanna stick with me tonight?"