《The Joy of Small Things: A Fantastical Romance》


 A Princess Delivered: Free Shipping With Complimentary Complications

    <h2>Prologue</h2>


    The attack came as no surprise. The combat strength behind it was more than expected but should have been easily handled by her guards. In fact, they had handled it and were starting to relax back into their normal watchful state when it happened.


    A small singularity opened: A bomb was delivered.


    The attack itself had been a feint. A pinpoint suicide attack with the intent of getting a teleport anchor close enough to the Princess to deliver a present. And the ploy worked. The bomb went off with a force roughly equal to ten tons of C4. Of course, it didn¡¯t just go bang. It incorporated a significant amount of shrapnel and some nasty poisons as well.


    The Princess is young, but no stranger to combat. One can almost describe her as something more akin to a Warrior Goddess. But she is as mortal as we are. Her guards¡¯ bodies shielded her from the worst effects of the blast but a lot still got through. Enough to activate her automatic magical defenses: her outer wards, her inner wards, and finally the bracelet anchoring her last-ditch escape seal.


    Injured or dead? None of the few survivors knew. Her body was gone. Teleported to an unknown destination. The system was designed to prevent attackers from being able to follow her. The guard force would need to return to the Imperial Palace and unravel the complex algorithm contained in the bracelet. Given the time she teleported, the matching algorithm in the security ministry could generate a small set of destinations. They would be able to find her but it would take some time. Weeks at least, maybe months.


    Those who were aware of this crisis raised up their voices in prayer. Hoping that their Princess would survive long enough to be brought home safely.


    <h2>Ned: A Gift, Delivered Free</h2>


    He¡¯s sitting on the couch, staring at the wall and eating plain salted potato chips out of a small bowl.


    <Splat>


    A crimson drop of something splashes across the biggest and best chip in the bowl. Damn.


    <Splat>


    A fat red drop falls on his hand, then more drops spatter down on his head and shoulders. A smell like wet iron. Blood?


    He looks up at the ceiling, but the ceiling¡¯s not there. Instead, he sees a silvery, shimmery sort of liquidy surface, covering a large circular area of where the ceiling should have been. A bloody hand reaching down. Right above his head.


    A body follows it, emerging through the silvery liquid. Floating slowly down like it¡¯s drifting through a pool of water. Blood dripping down like rain from a macabre rain cloud.


    He bails. Just in time. The silvery stuff gives way and the body drops right onto the couch where he¡¯d been sitting. Bounces once.


    He looks up to see what¡¯s coming next but it¡¯s nothing. The silvery stuff condenses into one point, then disappears. Like it¡¯s been sucked up through a straw.


    He drops to his knees next to the body. Checks if it¡¯s still alive. If SHE is still alive. A woman. Bleeding on his couch.


    A woman. On his couch. Bleeding.


    Just another normal day. NOT!


    ¡°What the hell?¡± he says to himself. ¡°Crap! Think about it later.¡±


    He leaps into action, trying to remember details from that week-long combat medic course he took a decade ago.


    ¡°She¡¯s breathing, heart beating. Okay. stop the bleeding.¡± This man has a habit of talking to himself.


    There¡¯s a lot of blood. Staining her bright colorful clothes. Rich blues and vibrant reds. He starts hyperventilating.


    Squeezing his eyes nearly shut, he grabs some scissors and starts cutting off her clothes. There are too many bleeding wounds for him to take them off the normal way. Besides, they¡¯re already ruined anyway. It doesn¡¯t take long. He balls the rags up and throws them behind the couch.


    Now he can open his eyes again, begin cataloging injuries. Trying to find what he needs to work on first. There are dozens of superficial lacerations. Like she got caught in some kind of shrapnel blast. Maybe something like a claymore mine?


    The most worrying are a deep cut in her right thigh and a puncture wound through her ribs. All the wounds have a sickly gray-green color around the edges. Like some toxic substance has gotten into them.


    Getting up, he runs to the linen closet. Grabs some old sheets and runs back. He stops for a moment, stunned by his first full look at her. It¡¯s like an Amazonian Princess has gotten blown off of a movie screen into his living room.


    Shaking it off, he keeps moving. No time to think about that. Grabbing the scissors, he cuts the sheets into strips and starts binding her wounds. Stop the bleeding first, then figure out what the next step is.


    He starts with the leg wound. The artery isn¡¯t cut, but she¡¯s still losing a lot of blood there.


    ¡°Thank God,¡± he mumbles to himself, wrapping a wide strip of cloth around her leg twice then tying it off tight.


    Then he gets a better look at her chest wound. It¡¯s seeping fluids and there¡¯s a pink froth around the edge.


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    ¡°Sucking chest wound. Crap. Double crap.¡±


    He runs to the kitchen and gets a plastic bag and some duct tape. Cutting the plastic into a square he waits for her to breathe out and slaps the plastic over the wound.


    ¡°Goddammit! Why didn¡¯t I cut some tape strips first?¡± He drops the plastic and cuts some six inch strips off the roll. Then tries again.


    Breathe out, slap on plastic, tape strips all around the edge to seal it off. He sits back on his heels. Checking for any more major cuts. Wraps a few up, then straightens out all her limbs so she can rest comfortably. Her perfect limbs.


    ¡°Dammit, focus!¡± he admonishes himself, before placing a pillow under her head so she can breathe easily. He covers her body with one of his remaining sheets and reaches for his phone.


    Time to call an ambulance.


    As he draws the unlock pattern, he feels a touch on the back of his head. Looking up, his gaze is caught by a pair of deep gray eyes. She says something. He doesn¡¯t understand the words.


    A moment later, the hand behind his head takes his neck in a crushing grip and pulls him in toward her chest. Her other hand reaches around his back like she¡¯s giving him a hug. He starts to struggle but has no leverage with his knees on the floor.


    Then pain happens. Soul-crushing excruciating pain. An endless helpless time of pain.


    He can¡¯t even cry out. All he manages is a rasping gasp as his lungs expel the last of his air.


    Just as he¡¯s starting to wish he could die to escape the pain, he passes out.


    <h2>Ned: Back-Story</h2>


    This isn¡¯t a fairy tale. It¡¯s a bit of a sad story, actually. Or maybe a tragic comedy. The story of a life. So let¡¯s go back to a beginning.


    His name is Ned. An ordinary guy, or he used to be anyway. Living an ordinary life. Average. That was Ned. Just average.


    He¡¯d joined the Army after high school and went into Intelligence. Translation, really. He was trained in an Eastern European language and eventually posted as an aide at an embassy in Central Europe. Right at the bottom of the food chain in a tiny office he shared with three other translators. He listened and translated, Read and translated. Submitted reports. Took lunch breaks, went to the gym, wondered if he would ever meet a nice girl and settle down with a family. Normal average guy stuff.


    It wasn¡¯t an exciting life. No cool stories to tell. He was never tapped to go on secret missions into enemy territory or anything like you¡¯d read about in a spy novel. They didn¡¯t even overwork him. Just 9 to 5 and go home.


    Which is why he was pretty surprised to wake up in the hospital one night, hooked up to a bunch of monitors and wondering how he got a big hole in his head.


    He¡¯d gotten caught up in something. Never did find out what. He had no memories at all from the whole week previous. Not surprising given the size of the hole in his skull. Everyone was pretty apologetic, though. Both from his country and the country he was stationed in.


    He was eventually discharged from the hospital, given 100% disability with a pension from the Army and a cozy place to stay on the outskirts of a small city in the mountains. A pretty good deal, really.


    Unspoken context. If he ever does remember anything, forget it. Permanently.


    He was pretty messed up. No longer quite average. His brain had been rewired; now extremely sensitive to sensory input. Too much of the wrong kinds of things and his brain would shut down. Like his operating system had been corrupted. Blue Screen of Death for him if he overloads. He¡¯d end up just sitting or standing there. Staring into space until his brain did a restart. Too many things could trigger it. Bright colors or flashing lights. Strong smells or intense flavors. Even loud noises or complex musical rhythms.


    So he mostly stayed home. His little house was cozy but plain. Groceries delivered from the store once a week. He had internet but only to support his hobby. Which is languages. He studies them obsessively. Over the last five years, he had become reasonably fluent in ten languages and was working on another half dozen.


    He used the internet to have video calls with his language buddies. People who were willing to help him learn their language if he¡¯d help them learn his. He had met a lot of interesting people that way. That was his social life. If things got too intense, he could just minimize the screen or mute the audio. A safe sort of social life for a uniquely average guy.


    He goes out every morning for a walk in the countryside. His brain seems to be okay with greens and browns. He sometimes meets people on his walks and talks to them. The local cops know about him and check on him every now and again. Drive him home if he locks up in town. The local cows know him and watch him vacantly as he walks by.


    It¡¯s a comfortable, albeit somewhat boring life. He¡¯s been thinking about getting a cat.


    <h2>Anika: Desperate Measures</h2>


    Anika is partly conscious. A lifetime of disciplined mental training keeps her semi-aware of what¡¯s going on around her. She is injured: she knows this. Perhaps mortally so.


    She senses one other person near her. A strange mental signature overlain by a frantic urgency. Dimly, she feels this person¡¯s hands on her. Feels pain. Injuries.


    Right. An attack happened. She casts a quick scan on her body. Cuts, punctures, cracked bones. Bits of metal in her flesh. Poison spreading slowly from them.


    The scan exhausts her. Desperation colors her thinking. Warm hands on her flesh, grounding her. She forms a plan.


    The hands hesitate for a moment. One more frantic bit of activity. She senses the person with her becoming distracted. Opens her eyes.


    She sees a man. A small man. Hands covered in blood. Her blood.


    She reaches out to him. Sliding her hand behind his head.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she says. ¡°I wish there was another way.¡±


    Using the last of her physical strength, she pulls him in close. Establishes a connection. Draws the life-force out of his body into her own. She feels the agony within him. Lives through the moment with him as she uses his energy to push the poisonous metal back out through the wounds they made as they entered. What energy is left she uses to push poison out of her veins and heal her broken ribs.


    He passes out and she follows him into oblivion.


    <h2>Ned: Giving a Babe a Bath</h2>


    Ned wakes up curled into a fetal position on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. A slow stretch and he sits up. Sees the woman on the couch and panics as memories come rushing back. Pain, such pain. He had never imagined that pain could be so ¡­ painful. He recovers himself from the brink of shut down. Focuses on the here and now.


    She¡¯s still breathing. In fact, she looks much better. Most of her wounds have started healing. Even the hole in her chest is scabbed over. He pulls the plastic off of it then unwraps the bandage on her leg. The gash is still there but starting to close up. Weird.


    ¡°How long was I out?¡± Talking to himself again. One attribute of a loner life. Checking the clock, he discovers it hasn¡¯t been long. Couple of hours, maybe.


    He decides that he¡¯s officially in a ¡®weird¡¯ situation. Unknown and heavily injured person (possibly an alien?) dropped in on him, tazed him (with magic?) as he was giving her first aid, and then fell asleep on his couch.


    Oh, and she matches the classic image of an Amazonian Princess. He feels like that¡¯s an important footnote.

 Bath, Breakfast and ... Pain?

    <h2>Ned: Giving a Babe a Bath</h2>


    Ned wakes up curled into a fetal position on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. A slow stretch and he sits up. Sees the woman on the couch and panics as memories come rushing back. Pain, such pain. He had never imagined that pain could be so ¡­ painful. He recovers himself from the brink of shut down. Focuses on the here and now.


    She¡¯s still breathing. In fact, she looks much better. Most of her wounds have started healing. Even the hole in her chest is scabbed over. He pulls the plastic off then unwraps the bandage on her leg. The gash is still there but starting to close up. Weird.


    ¡°How long was I out?¡± Talking to himself again. One attribute of a loner life.


    Checking the clock, he discovers it hasn¡¯t been long. Couple of hours, maybe.


    He decides that he¡¯s officially in a ¡®weird¡¯ situation. Unknown and heavily injured person (possibly an alien?) dropped in on him, tazed him (with magic?) as he was giving her first aid, and then fell asleep on his couch.


    Oh, and she matches the classic image of an Amazonian Princess. He feels like that¡¯s an important footnote.


    Right now she¡¯s nearly naked, coated in clotted blood and what looks like some kind of dark green sludge. He has a vague memory of ripping her clothes off. Not a sexy fantasy version though. More of a frantic panic.


    He spends a few thought cycles on calling an ambulance. But he can¡¯t really get his head wrapped around the idea. There will be flashing lights. Lots of flashing lights. Hard-eyed detectives asking hard questions about the woman¡¯s unclothed, bloody, comatose condition and the physics of ceiling osmosis. No thanks. Maybe he¡¯s watched too much tv, but ¡­ no thanks.


    ¡°Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound, I guess,¡± he says to himself. From the looks of the wounds, that sludge probably contains poison.


    He gets up and starts the shower. Lets the water get warm while he goes back to get her. She¡¯s too heavy for a princess carry, so he pulls her over his shoulder and stumbles back to the bathroom, taking great care not to bash her head on anything. He lowers her into the tub, rinses her off, soaps her up, rinses her off again, then towels her dry. Thank God she¡¯s at least got underwear on. She¡¯s breathing fine but shows no reaction the whole time.


    He¡¯s breathing a little bit heavy. Could it be a reaction to her overwhelming Amazonian Princessian appearance? Her near nudity? Her by golly most-beautiful-woman-I¡¯ve-ever-seen-in-my-life brand of pure awesomeness?


    He is fully aware of these items, but doing his best not to let discussion of them come up on his mental agenda. He was raised to respect people, not pigeon-hole them based on their appearance. Anyway, there are more important things to focus on right now.


    He carries her to the bedroom and lays her down on the bed. Checks her wounds again to make sure they haven¡¯t reopened. Some of them still have that worrying gray-green color but otherwise everything is fine. He raids his first aid kit for antibacterial cream and applies it liberally as necessary. Otherwise he leaves the wounds uncovered. Thinks it¡¯s best to let them breathe.


    After that he covers her with a sheet and blanket and leaves her. Wants to start cleaning up. Starts with a quick shower himself.


    He then strips the covers off the couch cushions and throws them in the wash. There are a bunch of jagged metal bits laying around which he collects up in a glass jar with a set of tweezers.


    After a while he goes back to check on her. The gray-green color around her wounds has spread a little bit. Worrying. She¡¯s still asleep but looks a little flushed. He presses his hand to her forehead. Fever? Maybe?


    He turns away to get his little electric temperature-checker thing out of the drawer in the night stand. Turns back as he turns it on. Feels a hand on the back of his neck and another on his chest. Looks into her beautiful eyes as she says something. Then gets magi-tazed again.


    Pain. Agonizing pain.


    ¡°Ow,¡± he hisses. Then passes out.


    <h2>Anika: Desperate Measures 2</h2>


    Anika slowly drifts back into consciousness. She feels hands on her body again. The same man. Checking her wounds? Her body feels different. Cleaner.


    She gives no sign of her awareness. Another benefit of training for absolute mental control. He covers her with something and leaves her alone. She hears running water, then mostly silence.


    She is weak. Still almost completely powerless. The poison in her body is preventing her from gathering the ambient life force somehow. She casts another body scan. All the shrapnel is gone but the poison is still spreading slowly. Preventing her natural recovery processes from healing her wounds. Cutting her off from her own powers.


    The man comes back. Checks over her wounds again. Is he some kind of doctor? A Saint for sure if he¡¯s still here helping her after she nearly drained his life away.


    She considers his aura. His life-force is back to normal. Unusual recovery speed, especially for an untrained; which he surely is.


    She makes a decision. One she is not proud of, but she is a Princess. The job comes with tough decisions and holding onto it requires a will of steel.


    She feels a gentle hand touch her forehead. Opens her eyes and turns her head toward him. Reaches out and grabs him in a rough embrace.


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    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she says as he convulses in her arms. She feels his pain again. Shares it with him, though sharing makes it no easier. She drains him to the dregs. Every scrap of his life-force going to heal her wounds, suppress the poison, open her energy channels to allow for recovery.


    He hisses out one word, ¡°Aaoo.¡± An expression of pain, perhaps. As the process completes, she gently lowers him to the ground. Then falls asleep again.


    A few hours later, Anika wakes up feeling much better. Her magic is flowing again. Sluggishly, still just a fraction of her usual, but flowing and growing slowly.


    She looks over the edge of the bed at the man. He¡¯s still unconscious.


    She throws off the sheet covering her and discovers she is wearing only her underwear. Still wearing her underwear. That¡¯s a relief. But what she has on now is dirty and she needs to relieve herself.


    She finds the bathroom and logics out how to use it. Then goes looking for clothing.


    The man lives here alone. That much is clear. Not a hint of a feminine presence. She goes through his closet, looking for anything that will fit her. Why couldn¡¯t he be a normal sized man? Too big is much easier to deal with than too small. She makes do.


    Next item. Hungry. Her body cries out for nutrients to replace what has been lost. She explores again. She finds what she thinks is a cooking area and food supplies, but doesn¡¯t recognize anything. Not that she would know how to cook anything for herself anyway. What kind of princess would? Time for desperate measures.


    <h2>Ned: Breakfast</h2>


    He wakes up stretched out on the floor next to the bed. Feels something poking him in the ribs.


    He turns over and sees her squatting down next to him. She reaches a hand toward him. He gives a little scream and rolls under the bed. All the way across to the other side and jumps out and up to stand with his back against the wall. Very manly.


    She laughs at him. She has a brilliant smile, lighting up her eyes in a most amazing way. She appears to be feeling a lot better. She tries talking to him but gives up when it becomes clear he can¡¯t understand. The sun is rising through the window behind her.


    At least she¡¯s got clothes on now. His clothes, of course. Jogging shorts and a t-shirt. Way too small. He¡¯s average size, after all, and she¡¯s built like an Amazonian Princess. Now that she¡¯s standing he can see she¡¯s also super-model tall.


    She pads out of the room barefoot and returns with a glass of water and a plate. She carefully approaches him, like one would when trying to capture a stray kitten. Hands him the glass. He takes it warily and gulps it down.


    Then she hands him the plate. He looks at it stupidly. She pantomimes eating. He looks at the plate. She rolls her eyes and gives him an exasperated look. Rubs her stomach and pantomimes eating again.


    She wants to make him breakfast? No. She wants HIM to make HER breakfast. Guess she really is a princess.


    He edges around her warily and makes a break for the kitchen. She follows more slowly and sits down at the table to watch him work.


    He gets out eggs and bacon from the fridge. Starts things frying. Pops bread into the toaster and sets butter and jam on the table. Sets a place for her and himself (across the table longways as he¡¯s learned to keep a wary distance).


    Suddenly, he realizes that he had never introduced himself. Never even spoken a word to her, really. Odd. Maybe all of this weirdness has fried what¡¯s left of his brain.


    Clearing his throat to get her attention, he sets his hand to his chest and says his name: ¡°Ned.¡±


    He indicates himself and says again, ¡°Ned.¡± Then he points at her.


    She gets his point right away. Puts her hand to her chest and says, ¡°Marthelion.¡± Her voice is a pleasant contralto, a little deep for the average woman but seeming perfect to Ned for an Amazonian Princess.


    He repeats her name to her and she nods her head, then she repeats his name. Smiles all around. She has the most amazing eyes, dark gray, like a stormy sky, with large irises. He doesn¡¯t know why that seems so important to him right now.


    He butters toast and slathers on some jam. Hands it to her and then makes some for himself. Dishes out the eggs and bacon. He takes the time to give her the name for each type of food. She returns the favor, giving him the names in her own language. Otherwise, they finish breakfast in silence.


    He gets up and puts the tea kettle on the burner. Collects the dishes and heads to the sink to rinse them off. She watches him, still silent.


    Finished with that chore, he makes the tea and hands her a mug. One with tea written on it in twenty languages. He dumps a scoop of sugar into his own mug, takes a sip and then sets the sugar bowl next to her.


    <h2>Ned: Magi-tazed Again</h2>


    That gets him a small smile. Bringing her mug up to her nose, she gives it a sniff then takes a sip. Another small smile. Ignoring the sugar bowl, she takes another sip.


    ¡°Tea,¡± he says to her while pointing inside his cup.


    ¡°Tea,¡± she repeats. Ned gets out his phone and searches ¡®tea production¡¯ on his favorite video app. Finds a short video that goes from bush to cup and sets it in front of her to watch. She appears fascinated by the video but not much surprised by the technology.


    Leaving her to it, he gets up to throw the couch covers into the dryer. Then he gets busy with some other chores.


    ¡°Ned,¡± he hears a soft voice from behind him. He turns around and finds her standing right behind him. Danger close!


    He drops his laundry basket and retreats quickly. Into a corner. He mentally curses himself for lack of situational awareness.


    She gives him a sad smile, then pulls off her shirt. Ned turns pink before he realizes she¡¯s pointing to the puncture wound in her chest. It looks almost healed but that disturbing gray-green color surrounds it and looks like it¡¯s spreading.


    Bending down, she unwraps the bandage from her thigh, showing him where the deep cut had been. This cut also is almost healed but also infected by the gray-green whatever.


    Then she stands up and shows him all of the other cuts and wounds he had tended on her arrival. Those were all healed with no gray-green coloration.


    Pointing to them she says, ¡°Ned.¡± Then pointing to her infected wounds she looks him right in the eye. ¡°Marthelion, aaoo.¡±


    She takes a step toward him. He recoils in fear. ¡°Ned. Marthelion, aaoo,¡± she says again.


    He looks her in the eye and loses the battle. His shoulders slump and he takes her hand, leading her back to the bedroom. For some reason he is hearing the opening guitar riff to an old Alice Cooper song in his head. Power chord in D.


    He lays down on the edge of the bed. She lays beside him. Takes his hands in hers.


    He screams this time.

 Cat Princess

    <h2>Anika: Unpleasant Reflections</h2>


    Anika wakes up next to Ned. Not close, but it reminds her of the last time she woke up in bed with a man.


    In many ways, it is the nature of princesses to be lonely. They grow up surrounded by family and servants. Isolated from others by complicated barriers of protections and guards. There is little chance for making friends and even less chance for falling in love.


    So when it comes to interpersonal relationships, even the most powerful, politically-savvy Princess is doomed to be a bit na?ve.  So it was with Anika.


    She formed a crush on a man. A dashing, charismatic, and handsome lieutenant in her personal guard. The crush turned out to be mutual. Secretly, they became lovers.


    And when the bomb hit, he was caught up in the forefront of the blast. The first to die. Laying there next to Ned, she remembered what it felt like to wake up next to her lost lover. That made her want to cry.


    Her tears were tempered by a rude slice of reality, however. Of her whole entourage, the only one who knew the itinerary, schedule, and route was herself.


    But her attackers knew exactly where to find her. The information was leaked. Searching back through her memories she found one unguarded moment. One instance where she had discussed her schedule ahead of time.


    A careless slip during pillow talk with her lover. He was the only one. The only one who could have leaked the information which led to the attack and, ironically, his own death.


    With a sigh, she gets out of bed. Pads silently into the bathroom barefoot and starts the shower.


    As she washes off the last of the poison sludge that has been ejected from her body, her tears mix with the water. Tears for her lost love. Tears for his betrayal. Tears for a brutally tragic end to her romantic dreams.


    Princesses cry too. Sometimes. When they¡¯re all alone.


    <h2>Houseguest</h2>


    Ned stirs, shifting his body.


    He opens his eyes and brings a hand up to wipe the sleep away.


    Turning his head, he¡¯s confronted by a pair of deep gray eyes and a smile.


    A slender finger with a long nail digs into the tip of his nose. With a sigh he rolls off the side of the bed to escape his tormentor.


    ¡°Ok, I¡¯m awake,¡± he says and pads into the bathroom.


    It¡¯s clear that Marthelion has been in to take a shower. Evidence being the water all over the floor and the balled up towel sitting on the counter.


    He sighs and quickly cleans up before stepping into the shower himself. Ten minutes later, he¡¯s completed his morning routine and emerges to see what his house guest has been up to.


    As expected, she is waiting for him in the kitchen. There is evidence that she has tried (and failed) to feed herself. Plus evidence of attempts to hide the evidence. He hides a smile and gets to work.


    Ten minutes later she is happily eating, stuffing her cheeks like a squirrel who has just woken up from a long winter¡¯s nap. Ned is pretty hungry too, so for a while there¡¯s no sound other than chewing and swallowing.


    Once they finish, Ned gets up to clear the dishes. She steps up to help him, so he shows her how to dry.


    Then she puts the kettle on while he gets the rest of the tea things ready. As he sits down to drink, Marthelion lifts up her shirt and shows him her wound. The skin has lost its sickly color, now looking just like the flesh around it. All that is visible is a white scar across her brown skin. Dropping her shirt, she shows him her leg. All better except for a long white line of a scar.


    With a big smile he raises his hand up for a high five. Then spends five minutes teaching her what a high five is and getting the coordination down with her.


    Which turns out to be difficult since she is more than a head taller than him and there¡¯s a lot of bouncing going on at eye level.


    Which reminds him that he really needs to get her some clothes. She¡¯s tall and proportionally broad. Too tall and too big to find anything off-the-rack in town or even in the nearest city. Maybe anywhere.


    So he digs through his closet looking for some things she can wear that will be a little less provocative (from his viewpoint) and more comfortable to wear (from her viewpoint).


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    Half an hour later, he has her kitted out in some sweatpants (too short but not too tight), a hoodie (almost not too tight), and a pair of gag slippers that look like fuzzy rubber ducks.


    Then he sits her down and introduces her to the wonders of internet shopping. By the end of the day, she had magi-tazed his credit card.


    Three days later, she holds a fashion show for him in the living room. Two pairs of tight leather pants and a short leather jacket. A summer dress and a couple of silk blouses. A pair of black spike heels, one pair of flats and, inexplicably, a boot lace as a hair tie. He did manage to stop her before she could model her lingerie. He couldn¡¯t tell if she¡¯d been serious about showing him, but he¡¯s pretty sure she¡¯s laughing at him.


    The next day, he books a ride into town. They go to a pharmacy to get toiletries. A Mexican restaurant for tacos and enchiladas, then on to a used bookstore. Because it¡¯s Ned and that¡¯s where Neds go for fun. Don¡¯t judge.


    <h2>Anika: Cat Princess</h2>


    Anika wanders around the bookstore. Wide-eyed with delight. So many books about so many different subjects. She, of course, had spent hundreds of hours in the Palace Library but she had never visited a place where books were sold. She isn¡¯t sure, but she has a feeling that book stores on this world are much the same as on her world - and yet totally different.


    She finds sections on cooking, history, art, and many other subjects. She can¡¯t read anything, but she loves the illustrations.


    Finally she comes to a section with books that tell their stories with pictures. Pictures and words, but almost understandable for her. One of them has a little half-cat, half-human girl who seems to always be fighting someone or something. The girl must be a princess because she wears a tiara just like her own back home.


    Ned finds her there and she points it out to him. She had originally introduced herself by her title, not by her name. Something she kind of regrets now, since he¡¯s been so kind to her. And there is no one here to argue about etiquette.


    When she points out the tiara and says her title, ¡®Marthelion¡¯, he gets a weird look on his face then leads her over to another bookshelf. Pulling down a heavy book, he searches out a picture and shows it to her. She immediately recognizes what has to be a royal family. Pointing to each person, she gives Ned the titles. King, queen, prince, princess.


    Oddly, he doesn¡¯t seem surprised that she is claiming to be a Princess. When he goes to leave, she asks him to buy the books with the little cat-princess. He buys those plus some other things - little silver discs - that come in a box with her picture on them.


    <h2>Ned: Marthelion Nekosama</h2>


    Marthelion wanders off while he browses through the language reference section. Then going to the children¡¯s education section he finds a couple of books to help teach her the alphabet. He really has no clue how long Marthelion is going to be with him, but he figures that he might as well start a language exchange with her. Picking up his basket of books, he searches through the store for her until he finds her in the anime section, looking through a manga.


    ¡°Oh, Princess Nekosama,¡¯ he says. She''s found a popular magical girl style manga featuring a cat-eared, cat-tailed princess who fights like a superhero.


    ¡°Marthelion,¡± she says, pointing to the tiara sitting between Nekosama¡¯s ears. Then she points at herself, ¡°Marthelion.¡±


    Ned thinks for a moment. Then leads her over to the history section. Finding a book on European history, he searches through the pages until he finds a picture of a royal family. Shows it to her.


    Pointing to different people in the picture, she says ¡°Marthel (king), Martheli (queen), Marthelio (prince), and marthelion (princess).¡±


    ¡°Holy crap!¡± he mutters to himself, ¡°I was right, she is a princess!¡±


    Adding the book to his basket, plus, after some mute negotiation, the Princess Nekosama anime dvd box set plus three volumes of the Princess Nekosama manga, he checks out and they head home.


    <h2>Ned: Magic Circle and Gone</h2>


    Marthelion puts Ned to work in the kitchen while she starts watching her Princess Nekosama anime. It¡¯s pretty basic, with action and physical comedy pretty much carrying the storyline.


    Dinner is served in front of the tv while Ned uses the anime to teach and learn more words. He is very much interested in Marthelion¡¯s language and is well on his way to developing a beginner dictionary and even a little grammar. Languages are his specialty and he has a well-established system for approaching a new one. He falls asleep on the couch before they get even halfway through season one.


    He wakes up there the next morning, finding a blanket covering him. Curses his stiff neck and starts his day.


    And things proceed like this for some time. Ned gets back into his routine. Despite being a princess, Marthelion is fairly low maintenance - keep her fed and let her watch tv and she seems content. They go on walks through the countryside, teach each other words and slowly learn to communicate.


    Which is how she is able to tell him that she is leaving. Princesses, it seems, are not allowed to take long vacations. No matter how much the guy they¡¯re sponging off of secretly wishes they would stay.


    They walk to town and pick out a small suitcase. A slick metallic white bag which Marthelion decorates with Princess Nekosama stickers she found in the back of one of her manga.


    She packs up the next morning (half the bag is stuffed with packages of sour cream ¡®n¡¯ onion potato chips), gets dressed in her leathers with a cream-colored silk blouse and matching spike heels, and gives Ned a long, fierce hug.


    Then she sits Ned down on the couch and proceeds to impress him with sorcery. Magic circles with glowing lines, chanting in strange tongues, theatrical gestures, and floating lights. The whole works! Finally, a circle of liquid silver grows to fill up one wall and, with one last high five, she turns and walks out of Ned¡¯s life.


    No one cries themselves to sleep that night. That¡¯s what the official record shows. In Ned¡¯s case, there is no one around to provide contrary evidence. Besides, it¡¯s allergy season anyway. It¡¯s just pollen in the air causing his eyes to water.


    And if the Princess¡¯ personal maids think they hear crying in the darkness? Well, it¡¯s not like they¡¯re going to report it to anyone. If your boss is a princess, there¡¯s never any misunderstanding about which side of the bread has the butter.


    And so ends this romance.


    Well, not a romance really, but it could have been. Or so it is in Ned¡¯s dreams anyway. And who would blame him for developing a crush on a beautiful princess? Especially when she¡¯s taking frequent showers in his bathroom and sitting around on his couch in her PJs watching anime, munching potato chips, and eating ice cream straight out of the carton all night.


    And of course, a princess would never fall for a simple guy like Ned. That would be too much of a clich¨¦.

 Choices and Chains

    <h2>Interlude: Anika¡¯s Journal</h2>


    I returned home two weeks ago. Before my memory starts to fade, I want to write down a few things in my journal. Which is to say, my official Princess Nekosama Diary with Pen, which Ned bought me on our last shopping trip.


    There are a lot of fascinating things on ¡®Urth¡¯ that I want to write about, but today I want to write about Ned.


    Ned was my savior. He saved my life and gave me everything. Everything I needed or asked for. He went through immense pain multiple times (some of those times even voluntarily) and never complained. Without him, I would have died. With my own magic power completely gone, I took Ned¡¯s life force as my own. Even now, I can sense a small amount of his energy within my soul.


    Ned fed me, gave me a place to stay, and bought me clothes to wear. He talked to me, played music for me, and did my laundry. He truly cared for me and asked nothing in return.


    And in the end, that¡¯s what I gave him. Nothing.


    Well, almost nothing. I did give him someone to talk to (although I mostly couldn''t understand what he was saying). We sat together and watched anime (Princess Nekosama!) and went for walks together on sunny days. It was almost like we were a couple.


    The funniest moment was when I did that impromptu fashion show. Just for the record, I know I¡¯m attractive. It¡¯s part of the princess package. Royalty is generally the culmination of a long-term breeding program. The powerful get to choose the best partners - most beautiful, smartest, strongest - and thus strengthen their bloodline.


    Anyway, so I¡¯m giving Ned a fashion show and he was doing his best to be the perfect gentleman. I, of course, was doing my best to get him to look at my body. His eyes were roving everywhere to try to keep from checking out my assets.


    But he couldn¡¯t always resist. I caught him looking more than once! By the way, he¡¯s a total leg man.


    But he remained the perfect gentleman. I was fortunate indeed that I dropped out of his ceiling and not some other man¡¯s. He never laid so much as a finger on me.


    We were only together for about four weeks. But now that I¡¯m back home, I miss him.


    Oh, and I almost forgot. I¡¯m pregnant.


    <h2>Taken Away in Chains</h2>


    Ned received a package in the mail on a Tuesday, almost a month after Marthelion left. Something difficult to find which ultimately he had to get from overseas.


    Marthelion had become addicted to Princess Nekosama. She¡¯d watched all of the DVDs, and collected as much merchandise as she could find. She had even learned to read basic English from the manga. She read them over and over to practice her skills.


    One manga series was hard to get, though. They were out of print and Ned spent a good deal of time doing a search online and was finally able to order the fourth and final volume for her.


    Admittedly a little strange that he would order it for her now. Maybe the obsessive-compulsive behavior of the true collector? Or more likely the wishful thinking of a lonely man who is missing a friend.


    He gives a sigh with a little smile as he disposes of the packing material and stuffs the little book into the cargo pocket of his pants for the walk home from the post office.


    A quick stop at the store for a few items, and head out of town. He¡¯s just about at the gate to his front yard when it happens.


    Shimmery shiny circles appear in the sky all around him, about three meters off the ground. Each circle births a person. A person wearing¡­plate armor? People carrying weapons, wearing helmets, shouting in a strange language.


    Or maybe robots, he thinks. He does recognize a few words of the language Marthelion taught him. Maybe she¡¯s coming back for a visit? he thinks for a moment.


    Until they turn the weapons on him. Before he knows it, he is struck from behind and falls. He becomes disoriented, feels disconnected, as rough hands grab him and cuff his hands and feet. There is no gentleness here. He is struck many times by gauntleted fists. A booted foot or two, too.


    At some point Ned passes out, whether because of a blow to the head or because of sensory overload, he doesn¡¯t know. New magic circles open up and the armored invaders disappear in twos and threes, taking Ned with them.


    A few groceries are scattered across the dirt lane. The torn bag is picked up by a playful breeze and blown away. No one saw anything. It will be some time before questions are asked, and there will be no answers.


    <h2>The Emperor: Brooding</h2>


    The Emperor is not happy. Nor is he amused. The fact of his unwed daughter¡¯s pregnancy has been leaked. While a discreet affair can be overlooked, a pregnancy cannot be denied. Even an abortion will not settle the matter now that the news has been leaked.


    His daughter Anika has lost most of her value for a political marriage. At least until she reaches middle age. Likewise, he can no longer dispatch her to the front lines to command troops. Not until the child is born, anyway.


    The scandal will even impact her birthright. Just that morning, he had bowed to the inevitable and signed a document demoting her from third in line of succession to twelfth. Truly a blow to his power, as she is otherwise one of his most competent children.


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    The people around the Emperor are edgy, scared. An unhappy Emperor means an unhappy Court. He has just finished with the public dressing down of his wayward daughter. With a frustrated wave of his hand, he dismisses everyone and retreats to his office to brood.


    <h2>Anika: Tough Choices</h2>


    Anika stalks down the hallway in a silent fury. Dressed in her black Knight-Commander uniform, the metal plates on her boot heels generate appropriately angry sparks with each step. Her white cape billows out behind her in the wind generated by her passage.


    Reaching her office, she throws the cape to the floor and slams herself down into the chair behind her desk.


    ¡°Bring me some tea. Tell the others that I don¡¯t want to be disturbed for half an hour.,¡± she orders her personal maid.


    The maid rushes to comply, scooping the cape off the floor as she heads out of the office. Anika takes a deep breath and lets her anger go. Logically speaking, she knows that everything that has happened was inevitable.


    The pregnancy itself came as a shock to her. Her body had been warded against it with a foolproof spell which would stop the development of any fertilized eggs. Almost foolproof.


    It had taken her awhile to reason out the bizarre chain of circumstances. First, she had had sex. For the first and only time in her life; the night before the assassination attempt. This resulted in a fertilized egg (or actually two, a fact which only she knows).


    Second had come the attack, the desperate fight and the last ditch escape which all together had drained her of her magic completely. Thus the ward had stopped working for a brief while.


    Finally, there was Ned. Or rather his life force, which turned out to be far more powerful than anyone had reason to expect it to be. Had he been born to her world, he would no doubt be a powerful healing mage by now. Maybe even a Saint. That powerful life force healed her. Incidentally also strengthening the fertilized eggs and completely burning out the pregnancy ward.


    Subsequent applications of Ned¡¯s healing force in the process of curing her wounds and eliminating the poison further strengthened and accelerated the growth of the fetuses. Right now, she doubted she could stop the pregnancy even if she wanted to. Not without killing herself as well.


    And she didn¡¯t want to. Anika was a mage and a good one. Her mana senses were telling her that the children now growing within her had absorbed some of Ned¡¯s power. This, along with some of her own power, would stay with them throughout their lives and form the foundations of their own magic.


    In other words, these children would start with an advantage that few others had ever had. Their powers would almost certainly outstrip her own. These children are too valuable to end them now. They are too valuable to deny their existence and foster them out to another family.


    And she wants to raise them. She wants to share her life with these precious children. No doubt she would have to fight tooth and nail to keep them, but she would see them raised properly.


    She would make sure they are loved.


    <h2>Ned: A Life of Torture</h2>


    Ned lays on his damp, smelly straw mattress and reflects on literature. His dismal little cell has little light, no furniture, an odiferous bucket as a toilet and, oddly, no tv or internet. He has little else to do to take his mind off of the pain.


    His current reflections focus on the concept of rewards. In the literature he has read, there are generally two types of reward for rescuing a princess. The first type, tentatively labeled as ¡®optimistic¡¯, provides a reward of wealth, power, and connections. The second type, tentatively labeled as ¡®pessimistic¡¯, provides a reward of suspicion, torture, and pain.


    The literature is split on the topic, with the ¡®optimistic¡¯ side having a slight edge in Ned¡¯s experience. So much for literature.


    Real life experience is strongly in support of pessimism. Very strongly. It is enough to make a man want to pace the floor in an agitated manner. Want being a key word, as Ned is currently disinclined to move due to the overwhelming pain he is experiencing. He is also suffering from lack of sleep (hard to sleep through intense pain), and extreme hunger. Not to mention thirst.


    In fairness to his tormentors, Ned does receive meals. After approximately every third torture session, he is given a tray with a watery bowl of vegetable soup and a hard piece of bread. Once the soup even included a small piece of mystery meat! Coarse fare but welcome.


    Ned has yet to figure out why they are torturing him. They have no language in common, so their questions and statements are beyond comprehension. No matter how loud they yell or how slow they speak (funny how the non-linguist¡¯s response to a language barrier is similar across cultures and worlds).


    Ned does recognize a few words. This is definitely the language that Marthelion speaks. Ned has tentatively designated this language as ¡®Imperial¡¯ just to have a hook to hang it on.


    Nonetheless, he can¡¯t understand their questions so he can¡¯t determine what they want. Needless to say this language barrier is a source of frustration for his captors and, thusly, a source of pain for Ned.


    On the positive side, they seem to want to keep him alive for some reason. Every once in awhile, just when Ned is thinking he might just get lucky and die, they bring in someone to heal his wounds. Not a full cure; just enough to keep his body from failing. Magic, by the way, is a very real sort of thing here.


    Lately, though, the torturers have been showing signs of becoming bored with the proceedings. They are asking questions less and dealing out pain more. This has Ned worried.


    There is no way to tell time, but Ned estimates that he has been here at least two weeks. But no more than four. That seems to Ned to be around the outer limit for a small group of amateurs to maintain interest in a fruitless task. He wonders if this will end in death or something worse. Grim choices but optimism has been thoroughly beaten out of him.


    As if cued up by these grim thoughts, Ned hears footsteps approaching. His door opens and he raises a hand to shield his eyes from the light of the lantern carried by one of the four men who enter.


    Rough hands grab him and he is pulled to his feet to stand before the shortest of the four. With a vicious tone, the man makes a long statement: A condemnation? A sentencing? A last rite?


    The man holds his hand out and the lantern-holder places the handle of a heavy maul into his grasp. The other two men tighten their hold as Ned starts to struggle.


    With a short angry thrust, the man drives the head of the hammer into Ned¡¯s gut, causing him to bend forward, retching. Then, while Ned is distracted, he swiftly swings the hammer in a vicious arc straight into his kneecap, shattering it completely.


    Ned drops to the ground, screaming in pain. The two men let him go for a moment, then one of them drops down and places his knee on the back of Ned¡¯s neck. His weight is unbearable as Ned feels his face and throat being ground into the rough stone floor.


    Someone grabs Ned¡¯s left arm and stretches it out before him, then a heavy weight settles on the wrist. With a horrible, sodden crunching noise, the hammer is brought down on his hand once, twice, three times, utterly crushing the bones and ligaments of his hand and fingers.


    He hardly notices as the pressure is lifted from his neck. By the time the laughing voices of his tormentors pass beyond hearing down the hallway, he has passed out from the pain.

 Rescue

    <h2>Anika: Fallout</h2>


    There is no doubt that being a princess has its perks. But at this particular moment, Anika is having a hard time enjoying them. It¡¯s been three months since she returned. Every day, she gets to experience the joy of morning sickness anew.


    Due to her pregnancy, she has been put on indefinite leave from military operations, which has been her field of expertise till now. Of course, the Emperor would not just let a valuable asset such as herself lie fallow.


    However, he has every desire to keep her out of the public eye. So she spends her days (and oftentimes part of her nights, too) tucked away in her office performing audits of all kinds on different government departments. In short, she is locked away doing paperwork all day, every day. Oh joy.


    On the positive side, the group who attempted her assassination had been identified, hunted down, and permanently removed from the board. An angry Emperor rarely has an inclination toward mercy.


    On the negative side, Anika¡¯s own fans had shown a disturbing sort of animosity toward the one who had ¡®defiled¡¯ their princess. Meaning, she supposed, the person who had  gotten her pregnant.


    She had not named the father in order to protect his family from retaliation, even though she suspected him of betraying her. This, however, allowed speculation to run rampant with her otherworldly benefactor (aka Ned) being the prime suspect.


    She had taken steps to suppress information which could lead people to his location. She had also pointedly informed the few people who had access to that information that Ned was in no way responsible for her developing children. But people believe what they want to believe.


    <h2>Ned: Learning the Language</h2>


    It had been a rough couple of months. Thankfully, after crushing his knee and his hand, his tormentors never returned. Unthankfully, nobody came around to heal said knee and/or hand.


    There¡¯s no way to describe how Ned went about putting himself back together. His knee swelled up like a watermelon. Making it very hard to push around bits of knee cap to try to get them to heal right. His left hand was of no use. Crushed as it was, there was no functionality remaining. It was also swollen to an extreme.


    In the end, he made do. Since he had nothing to use for splints, he had to satisfy himself with laying on the floor next to the door. That way he could eat his daily food allotment without moving around too much.


    It took about ninety days for the bones to knit. A little slow, but his circumstances weren¡¯t ideal. And of course, the result of his healing efforts could not be described as functional. He had no use of his left hand other than as a mobile paper weight and his left knee would not bend at all.


    He was thankful, though, that there had been no infection. A function of the injuries being mainly internal? That¡¯s what he believes anyway.


    Another thing he was thankful for was that he had a new roomie. Well, not in his cell, but across the hall within easy talking distance. Thus, he was able to resume learning the Imperial language.


    It was slow going at first, but he made steady progress. Thanks to the hundred or so words he had learned from Martheliion, he had enough to kickstart the process.


    His language benefactor was a middle-aged woman named Glenelda. She never said what she did to end up in their cozy little dungeon. Ned did come to understand that this is very much a private affair. The kind of place that isn¡¯t officially sanctioned, only a few people know about and even fewer people talk about.


    Glenelda appeared about two months after he was mutilated and disappeared again four months later. No one visited either of them during that time except the servant who brought food, emptied the buckets, and never spoke.


    Such is Ned¡¯s life. It has gotten to a point such that he can¡¯t really remember any other. Although he does remember Marthelion. She is frequently in his dreams. Which is nice. Mostly they just watch Princess Nekosama and eat snacks together.


    Funny how the food and company in dreams is always so good. Oddly, or at least he thinks it¡¯s odd, he doesn¡¯t have nightmares. Maybe because his waking life is more of a nightmare than anything he can otherwise dream up on such a low-calorie diet.


    <h2>Anika: Horrible Realization</h2>


    Anika is working late, as usual. At eight months pregnant, she has trouble properly reaching the desk to write and sign documents so she has retrained one of her most devoted maids as an amanuensis and personal secretary. This woman, Hildeeth, works tirelessly to lessen the burden on the pregnant Princess while also serving as a confidante and personal cheerleader.


    And gossip clearinghouse. As they finish their tasks for the day, the two women, as has become their habit, sit down for a cup of tea together to relax. This relaxation takes the form of a gossip data dump, giving the princess a chance to laugh and cry and vicariously experience life. In other words, since she doesn¡¯t have a life, she does her best to at least live a little through hearing about others.


    Most of the stories that Hildeeth tells are meant to amuse the princess. One such story she is telling on this night involves a protagonist with the unlikely name of Glenelda. Glenelda, it seems, had offended the third son of a marquis who had been slumming it at a bar she worked at. Having not been in a mood to be groped by a man who had very little by way of a chin and way too much by way of front teeth, Glenelda had taken a good swing and knocked the misguided youth into next week. She then led his two bodyguard companions a merry chase all through the establishment and then halfway across town before being run to ground.


    Sadly she had then disappeared for several months before popping back up again with a wild tale about being locked up in a dank, smelly, and dingy dungeon. She had apparently escaped after performing certain favors for the boy who brought the food in every day. Now armed with an amount of incriminatory evidence which she had deposited with a third party for insurance purposes, she¡¯d managed to barter her way into a position at the palace as a laundry maid (third class). Which explains how this bit of gossip has come into the possession of Hildeeth.


    As a bit of an aside, Hildeeth adds some ancillary information. Glenelda claimed that she was not the only one imprisoned in this unofficial fashion. That there was in fact a foreigner in that dungeon as well who could speak little of the Imperial tongue and had the unlikely name of Ned. Since Hildeeth had sometimes heard the princess muttering that name to herself when under stress, she thought perhaps it would be of interest to her that there were others with that name.


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    This tale prompted Anika to dictate a quick note for the captain of her guards to investigate the story. Her main concern being that there were people who felt they could safely incarcerate other people without any legal basis or due process.


    Two days later this resulted in a report being delivered to the princess with copies to the Justice Department. The report exposed a certain sort of corruption along with some leads as to the perpetrators. And details about the incarceration of a person of no known provenance whose physical description matches someone whom the princess holds in high regard.


    Infuriated, the princess seeks an audience with her father, the Emperor.


    <h2>Ned: Living the Quiet Life</h2>


    Ned has developed a routine. His clock is the food tray, which demarcates the beginning of his day. When the tray arrives, he starts with some light exercise: ten pushups, ten situps, and ten deep knee bends. With his current emaciated condition, along with the limited level of nutrition, this is about all he can manage. The knee bends he has to do with one leg, holding the poorly-healed leg straight out in front of him. To be honest, he is a bit proud of his skill and balance in completing the maneuver. It''s not much, but finding joy in the small things helps make life worth living.


    After exercise, he eats and completes his morning ablutions, which consist of using his bucket and combing his fingers through his long, shaggy, and seriously grungy hair.


    Next is meditation. Ned had never previously been much for this sort of thing, but he cannot deny that his current situation is ideally suited for emptying his mind, blocking out all sensation and thinking about nothing.


    After meditation, he spends time with his memory. Cycling through practice with three languages a day, mentally recreating significant past experiences, and building a mind palace a la Sherlock.


    Then he practices being bored until he starts to feel sleepy. He ends his day with Tai Chi. He doesn¡¯t have a clue how to do Tai Chi, but he hopes that the Chinese will lend him the use of the name for his own Tai-chi-esque creation.


    At first, he had been hungry a lot. But he got over that. If he is hungry by evening, he takes it philosophically and with a muttered Qui dort d?ne, he lays his head down on the soft stone floor and goes to sleep.


    After a couple months of this comforting routine, carried out in a now comforting semi-darkness which now seems bright as day to him, Ned might be forgiven for becoming somewhat angry when his routine is disturbed one afternoon. Right in the middle of Arabic practice.


    First came shouting, then the hurried steps of hard boots on stone. then the snap of a key turning the lock and an influx of people. One of them carrying a lamp.


    The soft light of the lantern blinds Ned and he finds himself swearing. First in Arabic, then in four other languages one after the other. Ned can be foul-mouthed in every language he knows; an ability for which he contradictorily feels both proud and embarrassed.


    Not being prepared for guests, Ned fumbles over to a corner and curls up into a ball. He¡¯s not scared, honestly. Nuh-uh. Just ¡­ okay, he¡¯s scared. He¡¯s gotten used to the low-grade nagging pain of his everyday existence and feels now is not a good time to go back to the sharper, more focused pains of torture sessions. Perhaps if they were to return at some other time he would be ready?


    Which is probably why he wrapped his arms around his head and started saying in a soft voice, ¡°Please come back tomorrow.¡± over and over again in one language after another until he had covered them all. Then started the cycle over again from the beginning.


    Seeing him like this, all but two of the figures retreat, taking their lamps with them out into the hallway. With the door open, the light still seems glaringly bright to Ned.


    One of the invaders, a woman, kneels down next to Ned and says in Imperial, ¡°It¡¯s okay. I am a doctor. We¡¯re here to take you to someplace safe.¡±


    Ned just stares at her.


    She tries again, ¡°I am a doctor. We will take you to someplace safe.¡±


    Ned looks at her for another long moment. Finally he says, ¡°Thank you, but it¡¯s safe here. Please come back tomorrow.¡±


    The woman gives a wan smile, ¡°We were sent by a friend. We must take you to safety. I am a doctor, I can cure your wounds.¡±


    ¡°No doctor can cure my wounds,¡± he states emphatically. ¡°Maybe time. Come back tomorrow, please.¡±


    The man standing behind her, (a guard?) taps her on the shoulder. Holds out a folded piece of paper.


    Taking the paper, she turns back to Ned. ¡°Your friend wanted me to give you this.¡± Unfolding the paper, she shows it to Ned.


    Blinking his eyes he tries to focus on the crude drawing there. It shows a stylized picture of a girl with cat ears and a tail wearing a tiara.


    Princess Nekosama.


    <h2>Ned: Elsewhere</h2>


    They put him on a stretcher, cover him with a blanket, cover his eyes, and carry him carefully out of his prison. They place him in a vehicle of some kind and slowly drive away. Ned smells and hears horses so he thinks it must be a horse-drawn wagon of some sort. The sway of the carriage and the sonorous clip-clop of hooves soon puts him to sleep.


    He awakens as they carry him into a building. Ignoring his feeble resistance, gentle hands pick him up, strip off his clothes and put him in a bath. They shampoo his hair as well. Then when the bath is done, they draw another one and bathe him again. It has been months after all, and he never had so much as a towel available to wipe himself down with.


    They finally maneuver him into a soft bed, where the doctor examines him and performs some healing magic. He drifts off to sleep again before she is done.


    The next time he awakens, he finds a young woman sitting in a chair next to his bed. Seeing he is awake, she quickly pours some water into a glass from a pitcher and holds it for him as he drinks. It tastes incredibly good.


    ¡°Please sir,¡± the woman says, ¡°wait here a moment, I will get you food.¡±


    She bounces out and almost immediately bounces back in again with a bowl of porridge. Soft rice, soft vegetables cooked in a light broth. He tries to take it from her but she insists on feeding him.


    She says her name is Merilee. He falls asleep again. As he drifts off, he decides this uncommon lethargy is the bed¡¯s fault.


    When he awakens again, the room is dark. Moonlight is streaming in a window whose drapes are only partially drawn. Merilee is asleep in her chair.


    Sitting up, he discovers that he is wearing soft pajamas. He looks around for his clothes but can¡¯t find them. Panicking, he climbs out of bed and starts searching.


    His search disturbs Merilee. ¡°What is wrong, sir? What do you need?¡±


    ¡°My clothes,¡± he cries, ¡°Where are my clothes.¡±


    ¡°They have been sent for cleaning,¡± she says.


    His shoulders sag, and he clenches his fists for a moment. ¡°In the pocket. There was something¡­¡±


    Understanding dawns and Merilee reaches out to take his hand, the unbroken one. ¡°Here, sir,¡± she says. ¡°It is here.¡±


    Leading him over to the night stand, she opens the top drawer and shows him. There is volume four of the Princess Nekosama manga. The one he had slipped into his cargo pocket so long ago.


    Merilee looks on helplessly as her charge stands there in the moonlight. Tears rolling down his cheeks. Eventually he allows her to lead him back to the bed where he lays down with his back to her and stares at the wall until she nods off in her chair again.

 Reunited

    <h2>Ned: A Visitor</h2>


    Ned stirs, shifting his body.


    He opens his eyes and brings a hand up to wipe the sleep away.


    Turning his head, he is confronted by a pair of deep gray eyes and a smile.


    A slender finger with a long nail digs into the tip of his nose.


    ¡°Hello Marthelion. How are you doing? Have you been well?¡±


    ¡°I am fine, Ned. How have you been?¡±


    Ned looks around at the clean sunny room. The bed and furniture. The chair next to the bed which inexplicably has a Princess seated in it. Strokes the soft sheets with his right hand. ¡°It seems I am doing okay, now.¡± He smiles at her. ¡°I¡¯m happy to see you.¡±


    ¡°And I¡¯m happy to see you. Ned, I am so sorry.¡±


    ¡°Sorry for what?¡± he asks, puzzled. ¡°Did you eat all of the potato chips, again?¡±


    ¡°Sorry for what they did to you. That should never have happened.¡± A tear escapes from her right eye, making its way down her cheek.


    ¡°That¡¯s not your fault, though, is it?¡± He reaches out to her with his left hand, gently brushing the tear away.


    She gasps in shock, then grabs his hind in both of hers. The hand that was crushed. Nearly useless now, the fingers are curled into the palm, immobile, the bones fused together, set in place by a healing process that could not overcome the trauma.


    Marthelion starts crying in earnest. Silently cradling his hand against her chest, rocking back and forth while streams of tears roll down her cheeks.


    Ned, unsure what to do about this unexpected development, stays silent, watching her for awhile. Then says with a stern commanding tone, ¡°Excuse me, Princess. But you¡¯re leaking on me. What have I told you about leaking on me.¡±


    She looks confused for a moment, ¡°You never told me anything about leaking. This is the first time we¡¯ve ever had a conversation!¡±


    ¡°Well I¡¯ll tell you now, then. First you leaked blood into my potato chips. Then you leaked some nasty black poisonous stuff all over my couch. Smelled horrible and took forever to clean up. Now you¡¯re leaking tears all over everything. I want you to stop leaking. It¡¯s not necessary and it¡¯s inappropriate behavior. Even if you are a Princess. I won¡¯t allow it.¡± Then in a softer tone, ¡°Please stop crying because if you don¡¯t, I¡¯ll start to cry too.¡±


    She leans forward, burying her face in the covers over his chest. He reaches over with his other hand and gently strokes her hair while she cries herself out.


    Eventually, he says, ¡°I have two questions.¡±


    ¡°I will hear your questions,¡± she says, voice muffled.


    ¡°Am I wearing any clothes?¡±


    She sits up and lifts the sheets. ¡°Nope.¡± Then uses one corner of the sheet to wipe her face and nose before covering him again.


    ¡°Gross. Why are you so  fat?¡±


    ¡°How rude. I¡¯m not fat, I¡¯m pregnant. And it¡¯s your fault.¡±


    Shock, confusion. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure it¡¯s not my fault. I would definitely remember if it was my fault.¡±


    She laughs. ¡°It¡¯s a long story. You¡¯re not the father. But your magic made it possible. Let¡¯s discuss it later.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Can you find me some clothes? I want to get out of bed.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll get the maid. She¡¯ll take care of you. Then I¡¯ll come back.¡± She turns to leave.


    ¡°Marthelion.¡± She stops. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    She laughs, ¡°Marthelion means ¡®Princess¡¯, dummy. My name is Anika.¡±


    <h2>Confessions</h2>


    Now that he is recovering from his forced hermitage, Ned is a little shy around the maid. Merilee is all business and no-nonsense, however, so she chivvies him out of bed and into the bath without too much fuss.


    The bath helps to restore a bit of color to his skin. Less gray and more pink now. Merilee sets out a set of soft clothing for him. Pants, shirt, belt and slippers. Ned decides that he can get used to this. Small things make a difference. Small things bring joy.


    Merilee then sets him down at the table and feeds him sausages and something like a sweet potato pie. Unfortunately, Ned has eaten so little for so long that he can only fit in a few bites of each before he¡¯s full.


    Anika returns as he is finishing up and takes her place at the table with him just in time for tea with scones and jam.


    ¡°Why aren¡¯t you eating?¡± She asks.


    ¡°My stomach has shrunk,¡± Ned says. ¡°They didn¡¯t feed me much.¡±


    Anika looks sad at this, her eyes getting shiny. ¡°Anika, don¡¯t you dare start crying again.¡± Ned says, almost shouting. Then more quietly, ¡°I¡¯m not very ¡­ strong ¡­ right now. I don¡¯t think I can ¡­ ¡°


    Reaching out to him, she sets her hand on top of his and gives a gentle squeeze. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll control myself.¡±


    That got her a shy smile. ¡°Can you tell me what¡¯s going on?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a bit of a long story. I¡¯ll give you the highlights. Merilee, please leave us.¡±


    The maid disappears without a word and Anika goes on, ¡°I had a ¡­ lover. One of my guards who recently joined the squad. It is not something princesses are allowed to do, but we were discreet and no one knew.¡±


    She took a sip of her tea and returned the cup to the saucer with a little clink. ¡°It would not have lasted long, but fate intervened. I was betrayed and we were attacked by a small group of rebels. He died, along with most of my guards. My last-ditch defenses teleported me out into your living room. The person who betrayed me was my lover.¡±


    She pauses, looking sad for a moment, and who would blame her? Ned slathers marmalade on a scone and hands it to her. She takes a bite, then continues. ¡°To save my own life, I took your life force. I know it was very painful for you and I¡¯m sorry. You were my only hope.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you did,¡± says Ned. ¡°A little of my pain is worth nothing compared to a life.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t brush it off too casually. If you were weak, it would have killed you. I was ready to ¡­ sacrifice you ¡­ in order to save my own life. Fortunately, you are strong. Very very strong. That¡¯s how I became pregnant.¡±


    ¡°Because I am strong?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Your power overwhelmed the charms I had against pregnancy. Not only did it strengthen the fetus but it super-charged it, splitting it into two. I will have twins.¡±


    ¡°Congratulations!¡± Ned offers a high five, which the Princess meets with a loud clap. Shaking his hand to cool the sting, Ned asks, ¡°When are the babies due.¡±


    ¡°Within a month. But also never,¡± she answers cryptically. ¡°My pregnancy has been quite the scandal. Officially, I lost the babies to a miscarriage some months ago. But now I am getting ahead of my story. Let me get back on track and all will be revealed.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°So you saved my life. Willingly. Not even knowing who I am, what the consequences might be, or asking for anything in return.¡±


    ¡°What person could deny life to a dying person?¡±


    ¡°Many, many such people exist. You are the rare one, here, Ned.¡± She looks away for a moment. ¡°So I recovered. Spent time with you doing nothing in particular. I cannot explain to you how much that time meant to me. As a Princess, I had never had such leisure time in my life. Not even as a child.¡±


    ¡°That time was great for me, too. I was too much alone. It was ¡­ changing me. I think you might have saved me, too. In a different sort of way.¡±


    She smiled again, gray eyes flashing. ¡°I am glad, then. Although what came next may not have been worth it. After I returned home, I started to settle back into my life. Then we discovered I was pregnant. A skilled healer can sense many things about the body with their magic. My doctor, who is the lady who attended to you yesterday, is highly skilled and she realized what had happened immediately. It was meant to be kept secret but somehow the information was leaked.¡±


    Another pause to sip tea. Ned offers another scone but she declines. ¡°As I said, a pregnancy for an unwed princess is a scandal. Especially for me, as I was high in the ranks for succession should the Emperor step down. The Emperor, my father, was very angry. I was demoted and sequestered in the Palace.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t bore you with the politics. Having these children is a bad idea. With the current political outlook, they would likely end up as hostages in the power struggle that is developing here. Since I refused to have them aborted, it has been decided that they will not officially exist. But that comes with other problems.¡±


    ¡°In order to save their lives, I must give them away. After they are born, I cannot see them, interact with them, communicate with them in any way.¡± Tears start rolling down her cheeks again.


    Ned stands and limps over to her chair. He takes her in his arms and pulls her head in to his chest - even sitting she is almost as tall as he is. Holds her, gently rocking, as she cries.


    After awhile, he asks, ¡°Who will take them?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± she sobs. ¡°Who can I trust? Who can I believe will love them the way I will? Take care of them like the precious gifts they are?¡±


    Without saying a word, Ned stands up, takes her hand and pulls her out of the chair. Leading her over to the freshly made bed, he pulls back the covers and sits Anika down on the edge of the bed. He lifts up each of her feet to take off her shoes and then gently helps her lay down.


    He pulls the covers up over her swollen belly to her chin. He leans over and kisses her forehead, then sits down in the same chair she had been sitting in when she woke him up that morning. ¡°Rest,¡± he commands. ¡°Sleep. We will find answers when you awaken.¡±


    She reaches one hand out and takes his right hand. Closing her eyes, she dozes off in minutes.

 Plans are Made

    <h2>A Plan</h2>


    Anika awakens slowly. She must have slept for hours, the first deep sleep she has managed in many weeks. As she gains awareness, she realizes that someone is stroking her hair and singing a song. The *Princess Nekosama* theme song, to be precise.


    She opens her eyes with a smile. ¡°Ned, what have you done?¡± she exclaims. My staff must be going frantic if I¡¯ve been missing all day.


    He laughs, ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Merilee has been keeping in touch with them. Fighting them off, really, but the doctor told her to let you rest.¡±


    ¡°I do feel better. Thank you.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± He reached out and touched the covers over her belly. ¡°The babies wanted you to sleep too. Or at least that¡¯s what I imagine. It¡¯s funny. It¡¯s almost like I can hear them in there, singing little baby songs.¡±


    A gasp from behind them. The Princess turns her head and meets Merilee¡¯s eye. A moment later, Merilee drops her gaze and curtsies. Signifying that she will tell no one. Then she leaves, giving them privacy once more.


    Ned, oblivious to this interchange, continues talking. ¡±I¡¯ve been thinking. If you want ¡­. If it¡¯s dangerous for you and the children ¡­ Maybe you should run away ¡­¡±


    ¡°Ned ¡­.¡±


    ¡°You could come to my world. Live in my house. I have enough money to support all of us.¡±


    ¡°Ned ¡­¡±


    ¡°I could even ¡­ if you don¡¯t want to live with me, I ¡­ I¡¯d understand. I could let you have my house and move into an apartment in town.¡±


    ¡°Ned. I can¡¯t. Not right now.¡± She frowns, thinking. ¡°Even if we hide these children, we cannot leave them unguarded. We will have to hide them in plain sight. Keep them here at the Palace where they will always be under our protection.¡±


    ¡°But how can you do that?¡±


    ¡°There is a small complex of houses within the Palace¡¯s walls where we house political prisoners. Hostages, really. Some of them are quite high-ranking. We will arrange for one of these houses where the children and their caretakers will live.¡±


    Ned¡¯s shoulders drooped for a moment. ¡°I guess you probably have some pretty smart people figuring out how to make it work, huh.¡± Then a smile, ¡°Are you hungry?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Let¡¯s eat a little. I still haven¡¯t finished my story.¡±


    ¡°Great. I¡¯ll tell Merilee.¡± He got up and moved away, left leg dragging, as it did now since the knee could no longer bend. ¡°She¡¯s so awesome. You know, she¡¯ll do just about anything I ask her. A guy could get used to that.¡±


    Because he¡¯s talking, Ned doesn¡¯t hear Anika gasp. This is the first time she¡¯s realized the full extent of his injuries. She gets up and hurries into the bathroom before he can see her tearing up again.


    It doesn¡¯t take long before they are both seated at the table again. Chef salads on the menu, which Ned enjoys immensely. ¡°These are great! All I had for months on end ¡­ it seemed like months anyway, I had no way to tell time ¡­. was watery soup and hard bread. It¡¯s hard not to appreciate every bite after that.¡±


    ¡°Then maybe I should start up my story with how you ended up in that horrible prison?¡±


    ¡°Sure. Although I prefer to think of it as a dungeon. It¡¯ll sound more romantic when I tell it as a story later.¡±


    ¡°Right ¡­ romantic. Anyway, once it was leaked that I was pregnant, a lot of people got upset. People who had no right to be. I guess my image was a little more ¡®Princess Pure¡¯ than I wanted it to be. Some of my fans took offense that someone had violated that purity. Since I couldn¡¯t admit who my lover was, they assumed it was you. How they found you, I don¡¯t know, but they did and that led them to kidnap you and the rest you pretty much know.¡±


    ¡°Kinda. I didn¡¯t really ever understand why I was there. They asked a lot of questions but I couldn¡¯t understand more than a few words. After awhile I stopped wondering. So how did you find out about me in the end?¡±


    ¡°It was a woman named Glenelda. I guess she spent some time in prison with you?¡±


    ¡°Yeah! Glenelda! Nice girl. Taught me how to speak Imperial. I owe her a lot.¡±


    Anika laughs, ¡°Apparently she has a passion for telling ¡®romantic¡¯ stories too. She included your name and description, so when I heard about it, I thought it might be you. I sent a team to retrieve you.¡±


    ¡°Well, thanks for that! I''m certainly glad to be out of there. I wish I could thank Glenelda as well.¡±


    ¡°I will see that she is sufficiently rewarded. And that she receives your thanks.¡±


    ¡°Cool. So what now?¡±


    ¡°You should rest. I have to go, but will come back to see you again tomorrow.. Thank you for taking care of me today.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re always welcome, Marthe¡­¡±


    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.


    ¡°Anika!¡±


    ¡°Anika.¡± Seeing his shy smile makes her happy for a moment. She gets up and leaves the room without another word.


    <h2>Anika: A Father for my Children</h2>


    The Emperor sits silently, chin resting on his left fist. His wayward daughter watches silently as he ponders her proposal.


    Finally, he says, ¡°Do you think he would agree? He owes us nothing, nor is he one of our subjects. From his point of view it can only appear that we owe him. Why would he agree? What benefit would he see?¡±


    ¡°Father. He is a good man, but lonely. He currently lives alone with very little human interaction. In truth, his living circumstances would change very little. Even with the children to raise, he would not be overburdened. There will be others there: nannies, maids, gardeners, guards. People for him to interact with. He would not see himself as above them. That is not the way his world works.¡±


    ¡°What you list is just a change in circumstance. It is not a benefit to him.¡±


    ¡°If I ask him to, he will do it.¡±


    ¡°That is hardly fair to him. He should feel rewarded, not used.¡±


    ¡°I think I know what his price is. He values knowledge above all. Especially of languages. Also, I think he would enjoy learning magic. Especially for healing. Magic does not exist in his world, although it does work there. He would be a powerful magician if trained.¡±


    ¡°And you trust him. Someone you met such a short time ago?¡±


    ¡°That is exactly why I trust him. I came out of nowhere, a stranger, and he gave me succor. Everything I needed to be healed, even though it caused him great pain. And he asked for nothing in return. Even now, after being tortured for months, he casts no blame and asks for nothing from me.¡±


    ¡°Maybe he is love-struck? He would not be the first to fall for you. What if his price is you? What will you do then?¡±


    ¡°He would never ask. Even if that were so. But if that is what he needed, if that would lead my children to happiness, then I would give him myself. And I would be happy to do so.¡±


    ¡°Hmmph!¡± The Emperor pondered some more. ¡°Very well. I give you permission to ask this of him. And work out the details but remember that secrecy is paramount.¡±


    ¡°Very well, Father.¡± She turned to leave but was stopped by a hard voice.


    ¡°It must be his choice, daughter. And remember that you will have no involvement with him or your children. I understand that he is not the father, but he will become their father. And they will have no mother.¡±


    <h2>Anika: The Proposition</h2>


    Anika stands outside the door, hands balled up into fists, trying to gather her courage. It doesn¡¯t seem fair that, as a warrior who has survived dozens of battlefields, she should feel intimidated by a small, physically broken man like Ned. But that¡¯s it in a nutshell. This isn¡¯t a battlefield, it¡¯s a negotiation. Easily the most critical negotiation of her life.


    Taking a deep breath, she nods to the guard to open the door and steps through.


    ¡°Good morning, Martheli¡­¡±


    ¡°Anika!¡±


    ¡°¡­Anika.¡±


    ¡°Good morning, Ned. Did you sleep well?¡±


    ¡°Oh yeah. This bed is awesome. Do you want some breakfast? Are you feeling okay?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine. Looking forward to the delivery, though. I ate already. Have you finished?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Team Merilee did an awesome job, as usual. I was able to eat a little more today than yesterday.¡±


    Anika smiled at this and went to sit down next to him on the couch. Merilee brought Ned a fresh cup of tea, as well as a bottle of chilled lemon water for the Princess. Then she made herself scarce.


    They sat for awhile in silence. A habit they had developed during their time together on Earth.


    ¡°Why are you so good at speaking Imperial?¡± asks Anika, breaking the silence at last.


    ¡°Oh, from Glenelda mostly. She¡¯s quite a talker. Lots of good stories. And a good teacher, too, if you can keep her focused. Plus I¡¯m fluent in a dozen languages and have studied a dozen more. I¡¯m almost a professional at language learning by this point.¡±


    ¡°Would you like to learn more of the languages of this world?¡±


    ¡°Oh, of course! That would be awesome. Merilee has taught me a little bit of another language she knows, already.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yep. And I made her teach me how to brew tea, as well. Do you know that each different kind of tea requires a different brewing procedure?¡±


    ¡°I guess? Maybe?¡± They lapse into silence again.


    Finally, Ned breaks the silence this time. ¡°How can I help you Mar ¡­. Anika?¡±


    She hesitates. Unsure how to start.


    ¡°Anika. Whatever you need, I¡¯ll be glad to help. Just tell me.¡±


    ¡°I want you to raise my children,¡± she blurted out in a rush.


    Ned is silent for a moment. ¡°I admit, I wasn¡¯t quite expecting that one.¡± Another long pause. ¡°I¡¯m not sure I can. I¡¯ve never raised a child before. And I¡¯m not ¡­. whole ¡­. anymore.¡± He says, raising his left hand up for emphasis.


    She reaches out and takes that hand in both of hers. Holds it against her swollen belly. ¡°You would have help. Nannies, maids, a gardener, whatever you need.¡±


    ¡°If you have all of them, why do you need me?¡±


    ¡°You know. I know you know.¡±


    Silence again.


    ¡°It¡¯s because we are already connected. Somehow, we are connected.¡±


    ¡°Yes. I think because you gave them some of your life force. They recognize you and you recognize them. In a way, you are more their father already than their biological father could ever have been.¡±


    ¡°But connection isn¡¯t what you want, is it?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Children need love.¡±


    ¡°Yes, Ned, children need love. I want my children to have love.¡± She struggles to control her emotions but a single tear escapes and runs down to her chin. She wipes it away impatiently. ¡°Would you be willing to love my children Ned? Love them for me?¡±


    He is silent for awhile, thinking.


    ¡°I¡¯ll give you anything.¡± she whispers. ¡°Anything in my power.¡±


    He whispers back to her, ¡°Anika. I already love them. You don¡¯t have to give me anything.¡±


    She cries, then. And he does too.

 Deals, Decisions, and Just a Little Bit of Crazy

    <h2>Cutting a Deal</h2>


    It is some time later that Ned finds himself sitting at the table, being lectured by a perturbed Anika. ¡°You have to ask for things. You have to ask for a lot of things. They will not trust you if they can¡¯t get a handle on you. So stop dragging your feet and help me out.¡±


    ¡°But the first thing that you told me to ask for is just ¡­ wrong. It¡¯s not right to demand a person.¡±


    ¡°Okay. I understand. But that¡¯s my ticket out of here. And it may be the only way I can break free and be with the children, even if I do have to wait ten or fifteen years.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think I¡¯d make a good wife?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­¡±


    ¡°Ned, are you trying to make me cry again?!?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­¡± He tries to keep a straight face but fails. ¡°Bwahahahahaha¡­!¡± He laughs uproariously. Anika looks at him like he¡¯s crazy for a few seconds and then starts to laugh with him.


    They laugh for awhile and then get the giggles and then she punches him in the gut. ¡°Okay, good joke,¡± she says while he wheezes in pain ¡°Back to the topic at hand. You are going to demand my hand in marriage and I am going to be a good wife for you and together we are going to raise our children with love. Is that clear.¡±


    ¡°Yes, ma¡¯am!¡± he cries.


    ¡°All right then.¡± she says. ¡°Now lets work out the rest of the package.¡±


    <h2>The Emperor: Final Decision</h2>


    The Emperor¡¯s chief advisor drops the paper on the table and sits back. ¡°He¡¯s asking for a lot.¡±


    With a sigh, the Emperor responds, ¡°No, he¡¯s not. A lot of these are his ideas and most of them are related to properly raising a child. Training and education that will allow him to educate the children properly as they grow. He seems quite wise in that regard. No. He¡¯s not asking a lot. It¡¯s my daughter who is coaching him who is asking a lot.¡±


    ¡°She wants to give herself to this man?¡±


    ¡°She wants to escape.¡±


    ¡°Can we allow it, Sire? To have an heir to the throne running around without oversight. And children of the line, as well.¡±


    ¡°I will allow it. As long as they go back to this man¡¯s world and promise never to return without a summons. There will be many others with better claims to the throne. Right now, we need Anika to help us put down this revolution. It will turn into outright war soon and she is too talented as a general to allow her to sit at home with children. We will trade her these ten years against the rest of her life.¡±


    ¡°Very well, Sire. And the rest of these demands?¡±


    ¡°Send it back to him and tell Anika to whittle it down. Whatever she comes back with will be acceptable. She¡¯s already got it planned out, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    ###


    Anika burst into the room, picked Ned up off the couch and gave him a big hug.


    ¡°We did it! They¡¯ve accepted!¡±


    ¡°Oh, thank God! I was getting worried. Can you put me down now? I¡¯m getting altitude sickness.¡±


    She dropped him back onto the couch like a sack of potatoes. ¡°You¡¯re pretty skinny. Maybe you should start working out? My future husband needs to be strong.¡±


    ¡°My future wife needs to be more accepting of her future husband¡¯s weaknesses. After all, he¡¯s learned to live with hers¡­.¡±


    ¡°Weaknesses? What weaknesses? You told me I was perfect!¡±


    ¡°Nuh-uh, not me. That must have been one of your other future husbands.¡±


    They bantered on while Merilee quietly stood next to the wall, waiting to be of service. She definitely never rolled her eyes. No, not even once.


    <h2>The Stork Makes a Delivery or Two</h2>


    Ned moved into his new home a week later. It was big, but not too big. It had a large yard with plenty of gardens surrounded by a high wall. Having only one piece of luggage (a copy of Princess Nekosama, Limited Edition, Volume 4) it took him almost no time to unpack.


    The next day he returned to Earth. It was part of his contract. One visit of one week¡¯s duration every year.


    On this occasion, he took the time to make sure his house was still standing and to tell the appropriate people a few lies and that he would be mostly out of town for the next few years.


    No one commented on his injuries. Neither did anyone ask about the two stern looking guards, one man and one woman, who followed him everywhere. The guards spoke to no one - they didn¡¯t have the language.


    A little bit of shopping and return.


    The babies were born a week later. Healthy and happy. One boy, one girl. Identical twins. They spent one night with their mother. Then were delivered to Ned.


    They were named Liesel and Lionel. Anika had wanted to name the girl Nekosama but Ned had managed to sneak a clause into his contract forbidding it. She was mad but he was sure that, given ten years, she would get over it.


    Little Princes and Princesses come equipped with wet nurses, nannies, and a full selection of other servants. Even those babies which don¡¯t officially exist.


    Ned took out the special ink he had brought back from his trip to Earth and got busy with the Princess Nekosama manga. He then entrusted it to Merilee after receiving her promise that it would be delivered promptly.


    Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author.


    Ned¡¯s new life began; now revolving around the two infants which had been entrusted to his care. Anika squared her shoulders and resumed her duties as a general and a princess.


    <h2>Interlude: An Item Finally Delivered</h2>


    It comes just as she is leaving her office for the last time. She slides the envelope into a pocket and forgets about it as she joins her guards for the trip to the front. Things are a bit awkward for awhile, as most of her people are new.


    It¡¯s a long day of travel and a longer evening of planning and coordination. She¡¯s exhausted by the time she can grab a few hours of sleep.


    As she undresses, she feels the package in her pocket. Taking it out, she gets curious and tears open the rough paper wrapper.


    Inside is a book. Wrapped in plastic and written backward. Princess Nekosama, her missing manga. Tearing up, she clutches it close to her chest for a moment.


    A slip of paper is poking out from just inside the back cover. *Start reading here*, it says. With a frown, she opens it. Inside - pressed into a blank page - are two tiny footprints. Under the one on the left is written the name *Lionel*. Under the one on the right is written the name *Liesel*. Under that is written, *We love you, Mommy!*


    She cries, then. Tears of sadness and joy, mixed together. It is some time before, with a self-admonishment to, ¡®stop leaking¡¯, she lays her head down on the pillow and goes to sleep, clutching the book close to her heart.


    <h2>Interlude: Ned: Self-Healing</h2>


    Ned has been learning magic for three years. Healing magic under the tutelage of Dr. Sandia. The same doctor who had taken care of him after his rescue. He has become very good at it. Passing all of his tests with flying colors. Dr. Sandia has even said that he could stand with the Empire¡¯s best, if he weren¡¯t locked away as a (fake) political hostage.


    So today is his final exam. Not one administered by Dr. Sandia. One administered by himself, for himself. The ultimate test as he can conceive of it.


    His one and only accomplice is Merilee. During the first two years of life with the babies, Ned had begun to suspect that Merilee was more than she seemed. Over time, he determined that she was not just a maid, nor even a bodyguard disguised as a maid. She is, in fact, a Princess Knight.


    Princess Knights are dedicated to serving and protecting the female members of the Imperial Family. Merilee is personally dedicated to serving Princess Anika and she had been set the task of taking care of Ned. While there were several Knights dedicated to the twins, Merilee was dedicated to keeping Ned out of trouble. A difficult task, although not thankless.


    At first, Ned had been a bit miffed that Anika thought he was in need of a caretaker. After awhile, though, he was forced to concede the point. Mainly after presented with an itemized list of gaffes and blunders prepared by Merilee herself based on the time they had already spent together.


    So he accepted her role in his life. Then he tricked her into being his accomplice on several occasions. Today¡¯s activity being one of them.


    Ned¡¯s goal is to heal his knee. At least to the point of 80% functionality. To accomplish this, he first needs to break his kneecap. In two places. That, however, is not the actual test. The test would be to heal a wound on Merilee in the time between when he broke his knee the second time and when he healed the breaks.


    This requires a bit of ingenuity and planning. Right now, Ned is strapping his left leg into a contraption that looks like a vise. Merilee is hovering around in a dither.


    With his knee immobilized in the vice, Ned pulls a rope to lift a weight up above it. Holding the weight in place, Ned flips a metal spike to a specific point over his knee.


    ¡°Leather,¡± he says to Merilee. She steps up to him and inserts a piece of leather between his teeth.


    Without a moment of hesitation, Ned releases the weight to hit the spike, initiating a clean break in the exact spot he had planned. His jaws clamp down on the leather at the same time as he emits a muffled scream.


    With trembling hands, he pulls the rope to reset the weight. Once it is hanging high, he pulls a lever with his left hand and the vice-like contraption twists his leg to the right, eliciting another scream from Ned.


    With deft hands, Merilee steps up and flips away the first spike. She then flips over a second spike and lines it up with a mark Ned had made on his knee previously. Stepping back, she checks to make sure the leather is still between Ned¡¯s teeth and says, ¡°Ready.¡±


    Ned drops the weight again to make the second required break in his knee. He barely has the energy to scream this time.


    Moving quickly, Merilee removes the weight and the spike while Ned spits out the leather. Then stepping up beside him, she draws a knife from a sheath and smoothly draws it across her forearm. Blood pours out as she brings it to Ned¡¯s left hand.


    Sweat pouring off of his forehead, Ned grits his teeth in determination and works the spell. Merilee pulls her arm back and declares, ¡°Healed.¡±


    Now helping Ned to sit up, she guides Ned¡¯s hands to his knee. Gasping for breath furiously, Ned massages the broken pieces of his kneecap into position. Then begins casting a healing spell on himself.


    This spell takes much longer. When it is done, Ned gives a little smile and passes out in Merilee¡¯s arms.


    ###


    Dr. Sandia had been learning cuss words from Ned. You could say it had become a bit of a hobby with her. Currently she can proudly claim to be profane in fourteen different languages.


    She is using all of them on Ned now. As well as lifting him up off the bed by the lapels of his pajamas and shaking him like a rag doll. ¡°Dammit, Ned! Why would you do such a thing?!?¡±


    ¡°It was a test, Dr.¡±


    ¡°What the hell kind of a test involves self-mutilation? You could have asked me and we could have fixed your knee with a proper medical team.¡±


    ¡°But it was the test you told me about. The one that proves you are a true healer.¡±


    Dr. Sandia froze for a moment, her mouth hanging open. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°You said that the true test of a healer is if he can heal those around him while he himself is severely injured.¡±


    "¡­¡±


    ¡°So that¡¯s what I did. I needed to break my knee to fix it anyway. I just used that opportunity to take this final test. And I passed, didn¡¯t I Merilee?¡±


    Merilee nods her head, looking down at the floor so as not to meet the Dr.''s eye.


    ¡°See? I passed. You can praise me now! Do I get a certificate?¡±


    RRRRRRRRRRRR! ¡°You idiotic dolt! Don¡¯t you have any damn common sense? And Merilee! Don¡¯t think I¡¯m gonna let you off the hook. Your job is to have common sense FOR this moron. ¡­.¡±


    Dr. Sandia went on and on with her lecture. Possibly setting a new Empire-wide record as it lasted for almost three days (not counting tea breaks and catnaps).


    In the end, Ned had to make his own certificate but he proudly displayed it on the wall. Of his closet, where it would only be seen by people who wouldn¡¯t start shouting at him about it.


    <h2>Ned: Daily Routine</h2>


    It has been almost four years since Ned became a father. Life has settled into a routine. Ned¡¯s schedule is evenly split between spending time with Liesel and Lionel and learning.


    He eats every meal with the children. They have their own little garden which he helps them care for every day. They run and laugh and play games in the yard. Ned reads to them and teaches them to read, as well.


    The only thing missing is other children, but they don¡¯t know that. They have yet to ask why they are the only children living here.


    They do have a cat. A white female with black mittens and black whiskers. Her name is Princess Nekosama. Of course.

 Letters, Life, and Foreshadowing

    <h2>Letters</h2>


    My Dearest Children,


    How are you doing? Are you well? Is your father making bad dad jokes? If he is, just tell Merilee and she will take care of the problem.


    I heard that you¡¯ve started talking! That¡¯s so exciting. I wish I could be there to talk with you. And run with you and teach you to fight and how to do magic and all of those other things that children want to learn how to do.


    But I can¡¯t be with you yet. Mama is still very busy with her work and the Emperor must be obeyed. Our time will come, however. I honestly believe that. Until then, take good care of your father and listen to what Merilee says.


    All my love,


    Mama


    ###


    Dear Anika,


    The children are growing up strong. Just like their mother. They look so much like you! It¡¯s hard to believe that they are four years old now. They run everywhere and talk a mile a minute. They are starting to read as well. It¡¯s like they¡¯re superheroes out of a comic book.


    Of course, I might be a little biased. I hope you are too! I tell them stories about you every day. I¡¯ve written a whole series: Princess Anika-sama and the Den of Thieves, Princess Anika-sama and the Puppy Pirates, Princess Anika-sama Tries to Make a Chocolate Cake (that one¡¯s a tragedy)¡­. The list goes on and on. And all of them are a hundred percent true - or so the children believe and everyone knows that if a child believes a story to be true then it comes alive.


    The kids have also started some magic training. Merilee tells me that it¡¯s not normal for kids their age, but what can you do. If we didn¡¯t start teaching them, they¡¯d start figuring it out on their own. They¡¯re sooooo smart!


    Luckily, the staff members here all can do magic. Can everybody in this world do magic? That seems strange to me. Merilee says not to think too hard about it. Which I guess means don¡¯t ask questions.


    So they are being tutored in basic magic. Their affinities are already quite clear. Liesel is all fire and earth and darkness. Lionel is all water and ice and light. Just like their personalities. They fight like cats and dogs and are utterly devoted to each other. Each of them seems to know exactly what the other is thinking.


    And they finish each other¡¯s sentences. It¡¯s maddening! Or when you¡¯re talking to one of them and you realize that the person who¡¯s answering is the other twin. Especially when they¡¯re in different rooms. It would be disconcerting but we¡¯ve become inured to it. It¡¯s our normal, here and now.


    And just how is it possible to have identical twins of different genders? A question I don¡¯t ask because I¡¯m sure Merilee would just give me a ¡®look¡¯ and I''d have to go to my room until supper time.


    Speaking of the staff, why are they all women? And why are they all so clumsy? A day doesn¡¯t go by when I don¡¯t have to admonish them for tripping and falling on me, or leaving the door to the bathing room open, or wearing short skirts on windy days. Maybe you could ask Merilee to have a word with them?


    Anyway, everyone loves the kids like crazy. We are well taken care of. We miss you very much. Please take care of yourself!


    Your Co-Parent,


    Ned


    P.S. I¡¯m attaching a note from Merilee to this letter.


    P.P.S. Also a note from each of the children, along with a short Princess Anika-Sama manga that the kids wrote and drew themselves.


    ###


    Dear Princess,


    As per your instructions in your last letter, I initiated the child magic affinity testing a year earlier than usual. You were right, the children are advanced for their age. We also discovered that they had been doing some small magic on their own in secret. We put a stop to that by beginning their formal magic training.


    Between them, they exhibit all the magical affinities except lightning. It¡¯s funny, though, how Ned had guessed what their affinities were already. As early as two years ago, in fact. That man is a natural at reading people and has the heart of a true teacher.


    Also, as per your instructions, I have had the various staff attempt to get him involved in a personal relationship. Oh how they have tried to catch his interest. He¡¯s like every woman¡¯s secret crush here. However, nothing has worked. Ned is either, a) completely and totally dedicated to you, or b) hopelessly oblivious. Or both. Probably both.


    The whole household is now working together like the parts of a well-oiled machine. Everyone is on board with our mission and we are prepared to face any challenge.


    Best Regards,


    Merilee


    ###


    Dear Mama,


    How are you? I wish


    Papa says you are a very nice person.


    He reads us stories about you.


    Lionel¡¯s favorite is Princess Anika-sama and the Floating Labyrinth of Ice.


    We¡¯re learning magic. Don¡¯t worry, Lionel put out the fire with his water magic.


    Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.


    I miss you.


    Love,


    Liesel


    ###


    Dear Mama,


    I hope you are well. I could meet you.


    And very beautiful too.


    Liesel¡¯s favorite is Princess Anika-sama and the Volcano Spirit.


    It¡¯s a lot of fun. Liesel set the garden on fire.


    I miss you.


    Love,


    Lionel


    <h2>Ned: Six Years Old - Teaching</h2>


    Ned puts his pen down and sighs. Merilee steps up behind him and asks, ¡°Are you okay, Sir? Shouldn¡¯t you be getting ready for bed?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m okay, Merilee. Just a little tired. It¡¯s so hard to keep ahead of them.¡±


    ¡°The twins are energetic, Sir.¡±


    ¡°And just too damned smart. And so competitive! They push each other so hard, which means they push me hard. I¡¯m not smart enough to keep ahead of them. It¡¯s demoralizing.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re doing your best, Sir.¡±


    ¡°You were supposed to say that I¡¯m smart too and something like ¡®you can do it!¡¯¡±


    ¡°Sorry, Sir. I hadn¡¯t realized you were fishing for blandishments. I¡¯ll try to do better in the future.¡±


    ¡°See that you do!¡±


    ¡°Keep in mind that you aren¡¯t in this alone, Sir¡±


    <Sigh> ¡°I know. And everyone is doing a great job. You¡¯re right, I need to go to sleep now.


    ###


    The next day was a normal day. The twins learned and played and had lessons and got into fights across a broad spectrum of engagement.


    Before breakfast: Stretching and physical exercise (moderate enthusiasm).


    Morning classes: unarmed combat (high enthusiasm), magic theory (mild enthusiasm), etiquette and comportment (negative enthusiasm), language and writing (indifference), archery (high enthusiasm).


    Afternoon classes: armed combat (high enthusiasm), mathematics (indifference), practical magic (mild enthusiasm), gardening and natural science (indifference), combat magic (excessive enthusiasm), horse-back riding (high enthusiasm).


    ¡°Why are my children so combat oriented?¡± Ned laments during a break.


    ¡°It¡¯s only natural, Sir,¡± Merilee comments. ¡°They are siblings and they are rivals. If they fight we chastise them. But in any class where they can compete, they can whale away at each other without repercussions.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Merilee, how did you get so wise?¡±


    ¡°I have three brothers and four sisters, Sir. It¡¯s not wisdom, it¡¯s painful hard-earned experience.¡±


    ¡°Is that how you got so good at combat?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sir? I¡¯m a maid. What would I know of combat.¡±


    ¡°Merilee. You can¡¯t kid a kidder. You got some mean maid skills, I admit, but you are no maid. You¡¯re a knight for sure. Probably a commander of knights. Is there such a thing as a knight-champion? If there is, it would be you.¡±


    ¡°Sir, please stop. I¡¯m no such thing.¡±


    ¡°I want you to teach the children, Merilee.¡± Ned just bulldozes right over her protests. ¡°They fight each other all of the time, but since each of them always know exactly what the other is going to do, it¡¯s a null-sum game.¡±


    ¡°Sir¡­¡±


    ¡°They need someone else. Someone good. Someone who they can¡¯t predict.¡±


    ¡°Er¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not like you to be speechless, Merilee. Snap out of it.¡±


    Merilee surrenders at last, ¡°How did you know, Sir?¡±


    ¡°I have my ways¡­¡± Ned blows on the fingernails of his left hand and polishes them on his shirt-front. ¡°Will you teach them?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t let anyone know who I am, Sir.¡±


    ¡°You can do it in secret. You are infinitely resourceful. As well as being cute when you blush.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve never seen me blush, Sir.¡±


    ¡°I can dream.¡±


    ¡°All right, Sir. Enough pointless flirtatious banter. I have work to do. I¡¯ll set up training sessions in the evening.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, Merilee. Truly. I don¡¯t understand this world. I don¡¯t know why they have so many classes on fighting. But if it¡¯s something they need, then it¡¯s up to us to provide them with the best we can.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a good father, Sir.¡±


    ¡°See, now you¡¯re making me blush.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re cute when you blush, Sir.¡±


    ¡°Nice try, but I¡¯m still not giving you a raise. Get to w¡ª¡­¡±


    <Ding-ding> <Ding-ding> <Ding-ding>


    An alarm went off. A quiet yet clear bell.


    Without a word, everyone dropped what they were doing and moved into the building, making their way through the hallways to a back stairway and into a basement room.


    ¡°Team leaders, report in!¡± called out the Chief Guard.


    ¡°Squad A, all present, Sir.¡±


    ¡°Squad B, all present, Sir.¡±


    ¡°Back house maids, all present, Sir.¡±


    The team leaders cycled through the roster, including Merilee reporting in for Ned, Lionel, and Liesel.


    Once all were present and accounted for, the Chief Guard declared, ¡°This was a drill. Thank you all, you did well. Easily within time. Merilee!¡±


    ¡°Yes, Sir!¡±


    ¡°What would we be doing right now if this weren¡¯t a drill?¡±


    ¡°Either you or I would have unlocked this door. As we called off, we would be making our way through the door.¡±


    ¡°Ned!¡±


    ¡°Sir!¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s behind this door?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, Sir! And I hope never to find out, Sir!¡± Clearly Ned has been through this drill before.


    ¡°That¡¯s right. Let¡¯s hope the time never comes when we need to find out.¡±


    <h2>Echoes of Revolution</h2>


    Aniika is troubled. She is in command of the military garrisons covering a broad swath of the Empire along its southern border. There is no conflict with the neighboring countries. They are all allies of the Empire, at least nominally.


    Yet things don¡¯t feel right. Troops have disappeared. She has issued orders that no soldiers are allowed to go out in groups of less than four.


    Supplies have been misdirected or lost. There are signs of movement that can¡¯t be accounted for. People are afraid but can¡¯t explain why.


    ¡°It feels like a storm is coming,¡± she says to herself. Intelligence reports are in conflict. She can make little sense of them. There is no open unrest, yet the region feels restless.


    She has given her orders. The troops are as prepared as they can be, but will that be good enough? How can you prepare for something if you don¡¯t know what it is that you are preparing for?

 An End and a Beginning: The Last Chapter

    <h2>An Unexpected Arrival</h2>


    ¡°That is just not good enough!¡± Merilee shouts, beginning a thorough dressing down of the twins. ¡°It¡¯s great that you two coordinate so well, but that makes you predictable.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why we were throwing in so many feints,¡± responded Liesel. ¡°So we won¡¯t be predictable.¡±


    Merilee took a deep calming breath. ¡°That¡¯s true and that¡¯s good. But the problem is that you are so in sync that it makes your feints obvious. You guys need to de-synchronize. Look like two individuals who are fighting. Make it look like you are making mistakes. Right now it¡¯s like fighting a machine with two parts. Everything is coordinated. If you were individuals, it would be one thing, but if I watch both of you, I can tell what¡¯s real and what¡¯s not.¡±


    Lionel frowned. ¡°So we need to fight as individuals?¡±


    ¡°Yes. For now. Synchronize only when it matters. Most people have to work to get your sort of coordination. So they know how to fight as individuals first. You are the opposite. You need to work to learn how to fight separately. Then use that in your coordination. Let¡¯s go again.¡±


    Ned watches as they square off again, touching sword tips briefly. He reaches out to the table in front of him and picks up his tea cup.


    <Drip>


    Something hits the tea, splashing it into his face. He blinks.


    <Drip> <Drip>


    He looks up at the ceiling but it¡¯s no longer there. Instead, there¡¯s a silvery shimmery liquidy circle.


    Throwing his teacup down and kicking the table away he reaches his arms out just in time to catch Anika as she falls onto him.


    <h2>Reunion</h2>


    Ned, of course, is crushed beneath her but swiftly recovers and rolls out from under her. She is bleeding heavily, out cold, clearly broken in a number of ways. Drawing on his mana, Ned starts casting healing magic to evaluate her injuries.


    <Ding-ding> <Ding-ding>


    The alarm starts going off. In the distance, thunder can be heard. Merilee goes pale.


    ¡°Quickly! To the basement!¡±


    ¡°But Father!¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t move right now. I have to get her stabilized.¡± shouts Ned. Still holding Anika in his left arm, he is gesturing with his right as he performs another spell.


    ¡°Lionel! Levitate!¡± shouts Liesel.


    Lionel casts a spell. Merilee watches as Anika and Ned are lifted off the floor. ¡°Liesel, you pull them. Lionel, keep them in the air.¡±


    Merilee opens the door to the training hall and leads them out. Fortunately, they are close to the stairs. As they move, other staff appear and help the twins maneuver the floating couple. Flashes of orange and yellow light strobe through the windows. A battle is raging outside. Not here yet, but all too close.


    The Chief Guard unlocks the forbidden door. ¡°This is not a drill!¡± he shouts. ¡°Team leaders, report in.¡±


    The much practiced drill goes off like clockwork. People file into the mystery room as quickly as their sections call off.


    Ned now has Anika stabilized. The bleeding has stopped and he¡¯s set the broken bones; knitting them back together with his magic. A stretcher appears and many willing hands help Ned lay Anika into it.


    The Royal Family¡¯s section is called and they move into the other room for the first time. Merilee is keeping tabs on the children. The Chief Guard confirms the last staff member and comes in himself, closing and locking the door behind him.


    Liesel and Lionel look around curiously. The room is stuffed to the gills with boxes, crates, and sacks. There is hardly room for all of the people.


    In the center of the one clear area of floor is a magic circle. Five people stand around it: Merilee, two of the knight guards, and both of the twins¡¯ magic tutors. They begin chanting and a swell of magic fills the room.


    ¡°Liesel! Lionel!¡± shouts Ned. ¡°Come here and guard your mother!¡± They run to him, gazing in wonder at this woman they have longed to meet their whole lives. She is pale from loss of blood. Still unconscious.


    ¡°I have more healing to do. Please keep watch over us,¡± says Ned.


    Light streams from the magic circle The magic power in the room swells in a crescendo of silent thunder.


    And everyone in the room, along with every crate, barrel, box, basket and rolled bundle, fades out and disappears.


    <h2>Returning Home</h2>


    Sir Kite and Lady Secord were bored. They had been sent to this world on a secret mission. Armed only with will, intellect, a half ton of gold and a spell that allowed them the ability to speak across languages, they had approached their mission with trepidation.


    However, the two Imperial Knights were experienced in the ways of communication. Especially in that brand of communication where money talks. They had succeeded in their mission with flying colors.


    Everything is now in place. In fact, it has been in place for quite some time. Now they are just waiting. In other words, they''re bored. They¡¯d almost begun to think that they had been forgotten. That the Princess, who personally held their oaths of loyalty, would never need to avail herself of the contingency which they represent.


    Until the alarm goes off. Rousing them out of sleep in the dead hours of the morning. Cursing and sweating, the two (possibly hung over) knights hurriedly dress and scramble out the door.


    ###


    Princess Anika awakens slowly. The room around her is a bit noisy and echoey. Opening her eyes, she discovers she is lying on a make-shift bed surrounded by crates and boxes. A child is curled up asleep beside her on each side, each trying to steal the covers, causing the blankets to be somewhat taut across her own body.


    Lying face-down on the stone floor next to her is Ned. Also sound asleep. Carefully and quietly, smiling gently, she reaches out to each child, softly stroking their hair. Closing her eyes, she returns to sleep.


    ###


    Sir Kite sits in the drive-through. Knowing that he would have to feed forty-three (now forty-four!) people in an emergency was one thing, actually doing it was another. Knight-Commander Saunders (aka Merilee) had jumped on he and Lady Secord with both feet for taking so long to get to the warehouse and greet them. Also for not having thought of bedding, personal hygiene supplies, kitty litter (seriously?) and a whole litany of other things.


    To be honest, he felt that it was a bit unfair. However, it is what it is and now it¡¯s time to move forward. In the drive-through, because the car in front of him has pulled forward.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    ¡°Good morning,¡± he starts. ¡°I¡¯d like forty breakfast platters, twenty pancake platters with sausage, twenty pancake platters with bacon, fifty breakfast biscuits, ¡­¡± and on and on. This wouldn¡¯t be up to the Knight-Commanders standards for food, but it would at least give everyone fuel for the next step in the plan.


    ###


    Lady Secord met the buses at the gate and guided them around to the loading area. It had been tough arranging for three buses this early in the morning. It is now 9 am and Knight-Commander Saunders has been standing there tapping her foot in impatience for almost two hours.


    Fortunately for the two knights, Ned has stepped in and counseled patience. Since this is his world, the Knight-Commander has bowed to his opinion and allows that some slack might be called for in this case.


    Not that patience is something she is particularly good at. Especially when she feels her Royal charges are exposed.


    Each bus has its assigned riders. Everyone boards quickly and quietly, even though for many it is the first time seeing anything like a motor vehicle.


    As the buses pull away, a pair of 18-wheelers arrive. Sir Kite is left behind with three guards and a forklift to start the loading and transfer of all the baggage.


    <h2>Settling In</h2>


    Ned, giant bowl of potato chips in hand, smiles as he pauses in the kitchen doorway to watch his family. Aniika, seated on the couch with Liesel to her left and Lionel to her right, is introducing Princess Nekosama to her new biggest fans.


    The twins have been glued to her sides all day. And she seems to be equally glued to them. This makes Ned happy. It will be a little awkward for awhile, but the family unit seems to be well on the way to gelling.


    He wonders what his own role will be going forward. He is certain the twins see him as their father. That role will continue, for sure.


    Anika is the mother. Everyone has always been careful to maintain that role for her even though she wasn¡¯t there. The maids and other servants have kept their distance. There are a few ¡®big sister¡¯ figures in the household. Especially Merilee and Dr. Sandia.


    The elephant in the room, at least in the room in Ned¡¯s mind, is the relationship between the father and the mother. Because they are certainly not husband and wife.


    Ned was a shut-in and a loner. He is realist enough to admit that he has a crush on the Princess. A big huge crush on the Princess. Maybe even bigger than that. But his social skills aren¡¯t developed enough to know what to do about it.


    ¡°Hey dad! Where are the potato chips?¡± shouts Lionel.


    ¡°Yeah, hurry up! What¡¯s a potato chip anyway?¡± contributes Liesel.


    ¡°It is the food of the Gods!¡± declares the Princess. Meeting Ned¡¯s eye, she smiles. ¡°Come on. Sit down and share.¡±


    Ned sits down with his family. It¡¯s not long before they¡¯re all stuffing themselves with potato chips, laughing, and having a good time watching tv.


    ¡®This will do,¡¯ he thinks. ¡®This will do.¡¯


    <h2>Epilogue: Promise of Romance</h2>


    Sir Kite and Lady Secord had done a bang-up job. They not only could make money talk, they practically turned that pile of gold into the Vienna Boys Choir.


    Ned¡¯s little village was the same. Practically unchanged over the years he had been gone. Other than the little Mexican restaurant turning into a little Chinese restaurant. A development about which Ned¡¯s feelings are mixed.


    Outside of town, though, was a whole different story. The two knights had bought up almost a thousand acres of land surrounding Ned¡¯s house. In a few short years, they had built an estate with housing for all of the servants and staff, training grounds, gardens, even a stable fully staffed with horses. And a llama named Lluna for some incomprehensible reason.


    It is a bright morning and the family is out for a walk. The twins are darting to and fro in their usual madcap style, followed sedately by Merilee. The plan is to check out the estate, get a feel for the village and maybe stock up on some snacks.


    Ned had broached the idea of a root beer float in such a way as to invoke passionate desire in even the most jaded heart. So the soda fountain is definitely on the itinerary.


    Following along at the tail end of the parade are Anika and Ned. So far they have maintained a companionable silence, broken finally by Anika.


    ¡°Ned. Have you ever confessed your feelings to someone?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­no, can¡¯t say that I have. Why?¡±


    ¡°I was just wondering if it¡¯s more proper to do it with a note left in a person¡¯s shoe locker or by inviting the person for a private meeting on the roof. My sources are mixed and a little ambiguous.¡±


    ¡°Have you been watching high school romance anime?¡±


    Tuneless whistling, ¡°Mmmmm-aaaaaayyy-be¡­¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t go by those. You¡¯re not in Japan. Nor in an anime. The way they do things there, it amazes me that any Japanese babies are ever born.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Thanks for that. But that doesn¡¯t solve my problem.¡±


    ¡°Well, it¡¯s not necessary to ¡®confess¡¯ anything at the beginning of a relationship. You need to find out about each other first. Go on a date or something.¡±


    ¡°Listen to you! You must be a relationship expert!¡±


    ¡°Not at all. I¡¯m an introverted, shut-in, loner who hadn¡¯t talked to a female for years before one fell out of my ceiling.¡±


    ¡°Damn. So your advice is probably no good.¡±


    ¡°Possibly not.¡±


    They walk in silence for awhile, watching the kids explore. ¡°So what would you do?¡±


    ¡°Pardon?¡±


    ¡°What would you do if you wanted to show someone you had feelings for them?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I guess it¡¯s somewhat traditional to ask someone out on a date.¡±


    ¡°A date?¡±


    ¡°Yes. You know, you go out somewhere, take them to a movie or buy them dinner. Something like that.¡±


    ¡°Wow. How do you buy something?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t even know how to begin answering that. I guess princesses don¡¯t do much shopping, huh?¡±


    ¡°When we do, the shopping comes to us. Or we have our people handle everything.¡±


    ¡°Rough life. I¡¯ll take you shopping later and show you how it¡¯s done.¡±


    ¡°Okay. What else can you do?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I guess if you already know them you could try getting a little closer. See how they react.¡±


    ¡°Closer? Like invite them to duel or something?¡±


    ¡°Nononononono! Physical proximity or physical contact, yes. But the non-painful type. Like sit next to them instead of across from them at the table. Give them a shy smile. Maybe even take their hand for a moment.¡±


    ¡°A shy smile? How do you do that? I¡¯ve never been shy.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I know. Kind of make eye contact, smile and then break eye contact downwards. Like this.¡± Ned gives his best impression of a shy smile for her.


    ¡°Oh gosh! You¡¯re so cute when you do that. Let me try.¡± Anika turns to him and meets his eyes. Tries to imitate him.


    ¡°Okay. Don¡¯t do that. It¡¯s just not you. Stick to your usual haughty glare.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean, haughty glare? I¡¯m not haughty at all! I¡¯m very approachable¡­¡± She looks down and plays with her hands for a moment, poking her index fingers together. Then says in a very small voice, ¡°I want to be cute.¡±


    He slaps lightly at her hands. ¡°Stop that right now.¡± Reaching out and touching her arm, he turns her to face him. ¡°This is a statement for the record. I won¡¯t repeat it, so listen closely. You are the most beautiful woman ever to walk on this or any other planet in any universe whatsoever. You can do beautiful, you can do sexy. You can¡¯t do cute or even pretty. You are too far above those concepts. You are absolutely perfect in every way. You¡¯ll have to learn to live with that.¡±


    ¡°Wow. Ned has spoken! You¡¯re not holding back today, huh?¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡¯m kind of wanting a root beer float. I thought if I was firm now, it might avoid delays later.¡±


    ¡°So if, just as an example, I were to take someone to the soda fountain and buy them a root beer float, would that be considered a date?¡±


    ¡°Most likely.¡±


    They start walking again as Anika searches through her pockets. Not finding anything, she turns and meets his eyes again. ¡°Can I borrow some money. I left my wallet at home.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have a wallet. And, no. You¡¯ll have to get a job and make money to pay for your dates yourself.¡±


    ¡°You are such a big meanie! Meanie, meanie, meanie! KIDS! YOUR FATHER''S A BIG MEANIE!¡±


    ¡°We know, mom!¡± comes the faint reply from up ahead.


    They walk on in silence for a few moments. Tentatively, Anika reaches out and takes Ned¡¯s hand.


    Ned shifts to walk a little closer to her and, with a textbook-perfect shy smile, intertwines his fingers with hers.


    -30-