《Alpha's Choice, Beta's Bane》


 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Prologue

    He keeps me immobile, trapping my arms to my side and keeping my head locked against his chest.


    ¡°Don¡¯t look away,¡± he murmurs in my ear, sounding like he''s sorry for me. The last thing I want is his pity.


    There¡¯s nowhere else to look but ahead. The man on the platform holds the woman in his arms close as she writhes on top of him. His hands trail down her back before settling on her hips, picking up the pace as she squeals in delight.


    He sits up fully and she is dwarfed against his chest. As he leans down, his lips ghost over her neck. Our eyes meet and I see anguish and passion there, or maybe that''s what I want to see. He closes his eyes and I watch as his teeth sank into her flesh. I wish I could melt into the grass and disappear.


    A chorus of howls erupts around us as the pack cheers for the newly mated couple. There¡¯s joy all around us but all I feel is hollow inside.


    How did I let it go this far...?


    <hr>


    ¡°Ama?¡±


    ¡°Hmmm?¡± I look up from my book to see my mom walking into the living room with a food tray. She gingerly sets it down next to me and hits me with a stare that was both hopeful and questioning. She is silently asking permission to move the small table next to my chair closer to me but also clearly hoping that I¡¯ll move over to the table to get in some walking.


    I manage a smile and say, ¡°I think I¡¯ll sit at the table today. Could you bring the tray over for me?¡±


    Her face instantly lights up. Her hopes are a constant weight on my chest but I feel like I need to reassure her. I lock up all my doubts and frustrations and fears, and only open up that box when I am alone at night with what I affectionately refer to as my moral support pillow - a stuffed animal Pikachu.


    I just make it to the table and pick up my spoon, the smell of the chicken soup making my stomach rumble, when my sister Nia bounces into the dining room holding Mom¡¯s iPad.


    ¡°Ama! You¡¯re not going to believe this!¡± She shoves the tablet between my bowl and spoon.


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    With a sigh, Mom walks back into the kitchen. As she disappears around the corner, she calls over her shoulder to me, ¡°Don¡¯t let her run your ragged, hon.¡±


    ¡°Too late,¡± I yell back.


    To Nia, she adds ¡°And let your sister eat!¡±


    Nia huffs and whines, ¡°This is too important!¡±


    I stare at her wide-eyed for a long moment until she looks like she is about to burst. Then, I peer at the screen and smile. Nia¡¯s Acorn Troop, a derivative of the Girl/Boy Scouts, has won their wilderness preparedness competition and are going on a camping trip. It¡¯s all she¡¯s talked about for weeks, though personally, I fail to see the appeal.


    She takes the tablet back and hugs it to her chest. ¡°Can you believe it? I didn¡¯t think it¡¯d happen! And the best part is that everyone gets to bring one adult with them.¡± She looks at me, her eyes hopeful.


    I set my spoon down, hunger forgotten. In the months since the crash, Nia has had a hard time understanding my limitations. It¡¯s gotten harder and harder to let her down with each time a reminder that I can''t go swimming at the town pool, or drive her to the mall, or in this case, go camping.


    My permanent prosthesis should be arriving in the next week but even with that, I¡¯ve still got a ways to go. I want to be mobile and independent so I am a model patient, doing everything the physical therapist and doctors ask of me. I was never a very active person before the accident but my fear of not keeping up with Nia, of not swimming in the lake at dad¡¯s house, or not ice skating come next winter, is enough to keep me going.


    But, I haven¡¯t learned what my limits are yet and I can¡¯t risk putting us in another bad situation because I got ahead of myself.


    This time, however, she seems to know that I¡¯m about to object, and her smile grows even wider. ¡°The campsite is friendly for everyone! Remember Betina?¡± she asks, clearly thinking that I should. I definitely don¡¯t but I nod for her to continue.


    ¡°Well she is in my troop and she uses crutches and the Acorn Troop makes sure everyone can participate so you can come too!¡± Her words are a jumble as she trips over them, trying to get it all out as quickly as possible. She clearly thinks that I am going to interrupt her to say no.


    A million thoughts race through my head at that information. Friendly; does that mean I won¡¯t have to hobble around in the dark looking for the bathrooms? Do I even want to go? I¡¯ve never been much of a camping person before this and I¡¯m even less inclined now. As I sit there having an internal debate, her lip protrudes further and further out until I feel my will to resist dwindle to nothing. But, before I can respond she offers a compromise.


    ¡°You coming can be my birthday present,¡± she suggests in a rush and it breaks my heart. Her 10th birthday present can not be her sister putting on some big girl pants and doing something with her, like I should be doing in the first place.


    I flap a hand at her and smile. ¡°Well, how can I say no to that?¡±


    And that¡¯s how I find myself at Happy Lakes Campgrounds, two states away, and in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 1 - There are now two things I know with absolute certainty.

    The drive is exactly as pleasant as a bus with twelve 10-year-olds and incredibly peppy parents and guardians would be. I am grateful when we finally arrive and I can get out and stretch my legs. I didn¡¯t want to be the ¡®party pooper¡¯ but all the pep was hard to get into when my hips and knees were arching from the 5-hour journey.


    Past the entrance is a wide flat expanse which has a sign that reads ¡°Differently-abled friendly campsite¡±. I suppose I appreciate the effort but something about it makes me a bit twitchy.


    While the Acorns¡¯ set up their tents for themselves and their chaperones to share, we, the chaperones, unpack the food and get the kitchen area set up. By we, it¡¯s the mothers, aunts, and one particularly spritely grandmother. As soon as I was out of the car with my crutch in hand, I was shuffled over to a picnic table and told to relax.


    As everything was getting set up, one of the moms calls out that there is a guide to take us on one of the short hiking trails before dinner.


    I go over to the gathering group and feel more than a few eyes on me. One of the moms that I haven¡¯t met before sidles up next to me and does that thing where someone is acting like they''re whispering but it¡¯s actually at normal volume, ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Carla. Jennifer¡¯s mom. Do you want to sit this one out?¡±


    ¡°Thanks. I¡¯m good.¡± I say, not even looking at her as I roll my shoulders back. The guide already said it was a pretty flat walk so I¡¯m worried about it. Plus, this is exactly why I brought the crutch in the first place.


    I can tell she wants to say more but doesn¡¯t end up getting the chance to as Nia bounds up to me, her pigtails flying behind her. ¡°Isn¡¯t this exciting! Who knows what we¡¯ll see out there!¡±


    Chances are we won¡¯t see anything considering how loud everyone is but I smile, ¡°True. Maybe some deer or a giant bear.¡±


    She grins ear to ear as two other girls come over to her. ¡°These are my bestest Acorn friends, Betina and Marce.¡± She is all smiles as the other two girls wave shyly. I remember the name Betina, and see that she also has a crutch.


    ¡°Cool gear,¡± I say, holding up my own. ¡°Twinsies.¡±


    ¡°See? I told you she was cool,¡± Nia says proudly. ¡°Come on, it¡¯s starting!¡±


    Betina ends up walking for most of the hike beside me, probably because we walk at a similar speed. She seems content to just walk and look around her and I don¡¯t mind the company. Of course, every couple of minutes Nia and Marce bounce back to us to share whatever incredible thing they have just learned from the tour guide.


    The walk only lasts for about 30 minutes but I¡¯m pretty worn out by the time we get back to camp. Like before, I¡¯m shuffled off to a picnic table and while everyone else is doing something to get ready for dinner I am just here, feeling incredibly useless and awkward. It¡¯s difficult to accept that there are things I still can¡¯t do and even harder to have them pointed out, even if it¡¯s done kindly.


    Almost as if sensing it, Nia bounds up to me with Marce and Betina in tow again. ¡°I was just telling them about your crutch. They didn¡¯t really get to see it on the walk. Can I show them?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t wait for an affirmative but I would¡¯ve given her one either way. She pulls it out from beside me and starts to tell them about the design process.


    When I¡¯d gotten it a few months ago, my mom and Nia felt that it needed to be decorated or else I¡¯d be mistaken for, as they charmingly put it ¡®a really old lady¡¯. So my crutch has a black tennis ball with flames at the bottom and a flame and sparkle design covering everything but the handgrips, courtesy of Nia. It¡¯s not exactly my style but I don¡¯t really care either. Hopefully, I won''t have to use it by the end of the year when I am more comfortable walking on my own. At home and around town I don¡¯t use it but at a campsite with uneven footing, I didn¡¯t want to risk losing my balance.


    ¡°Hey¡­¡± Nia¡¯s unhappy whine calls my attention back to her, ¡°the tennis ball is gone!¡±


    I take the crutch back and sure enough, the bottom is sans-ball. ¡°That¡¯s okay. It probably fell off on the walk.¡±


    Nia¡¯s lip juts out and she says, ¡°I picked that one out for you.¡±


    ¡°After the trip, we can go pick out a ton more, okay?¡± I ruffle her hair but she seems unconvinced. ¡°Really, Nia. It¡¯s not a big deal.¡±


    She shrugs and starts to walk away. Marce and Betina stare at me for a moment, clearly unsure of what to do before hastily following after her.


    I don¡¯t if it¡¯s just her age or how she¡¯s coping but the littlest things cause her to fall apart. I hope that being here with her friends will curb that a bit.


    As the sun goes down behind the canopy of trees, the troop gathers around and the parents serve dinner. I was also handed an overflowing paper plate, which I graciously accepted but my stomach is churning, from what I don¡¯t know, so I end up picking at my food and moving it around the plate rather than eating.


    I end up joining in for marshmallow roasting because who can say no to that. Nia leaves her friends to sit beside me and when I attempt to shoo her back, she nudges me with her shoulder and says, ¡°We have some important business to discuss.¡±


    I raise an eyebrow, ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°Of course. Now I know you coming here was supposed to be my birthday present but I was thinking that maybe Mommy and you and I could go to a movie or something. I wanted Betina and Marce to come too.¡±


    I smile and brush her hair off her shoulder and tuck it behind her ear. ¡°Of course. That sounds like a great idea. In fact, why don¡¯t you go and invite them now.¡±


    She is beaming ear to ear as she skips back over to her friends. I watch as she shares the good news and her friends clap excitedly.


    They stay together, having what looks like a great time, and I am content to just watch. She seems to have gotten over the lost tennis ball, which is a blessing. I¡¯d hate for that to ruin her trip.


    It gets late and one of the moms announces that it¡¯s time to turn in. I stay by the fire after the kids and a few parents go to bed.


    Those that are left clean up and go off to the side to chat without disturbing those sleeping. Not wanting to be a wet blanket, I go over to join them. As I near the group, I hear one of the moms say ¡°And they were supposed to be closed by now but they¡¯ve had such a bad turnout, they agreed to stay open this weekend just for us.¡±


    Another mom, Betina¡¯s, says happily ¡°We¡¯ve got the whole place to ourselves! Isn¡¯t that nice, Amaranthine?¡±


    Startled that she is talking to me, let alone using my whole name, it takes me a second to respond, by which time all eyes are on me.


    ¡°Uh, yeah. Yes, that¡¯s nice. Less litter for sure.¡±


    I feel like they all collectively blink at me, probably thinking ¡®that was a weird comment¡¯. ¡°Oh and you can just call me Ama,¡± I add as an afterthought.


    ¡°Oh.. okay.¡± Betina¡¯s mom says before picking back up the conversation that I have so awkwardly dropped on the floor. I stay with them for a while longer but don¡¯t join back in. Slowly the group disperses and after midnight the last few head to bed.


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    I wave goodbye and murmur something about going to bed myself but I don¡¯t feel tired. Instead, I feel on edge. My stump itches and I resist the urge to scratch, opting instead to talk a slow stroll around the campsite.


    I hear the occasional giggle from a tent, knowing that some of the girls are still up and talking. After all, what good is a sleepover without a bit of minor curfew breaking?


    I circle the camp twice when the wind picks up and I shiver at the piercing cold pricking my cheeks. I turn to go back to my tent when I see movement at the edge of the campsite. Something is moving in the direction of the trees.


    The thing runs through a clear patch of moonlight and illuminates the shape of a person, keeping low as they scurry away. I immediately shuffle after the person with all the speed I can muster. The person looks small so I know it¡¯s one of the kids running off alone.


    A smarter person would wake up adults who can actually move faster than a wounded gazelle. My only defense is that I am pretty sure it¡¯s Nia sneaking off and my older sister instincts have kicked in.


    As I enter the trees I call after her but the shadow keeps moving. Can¡¯t she hear me?


    I walk for almost 20 minutes, which is no small miracle considering I probably should have fallen flat on my face when all the activity catches up with me. I stop, hanging onto a nearby tree for support. My thigh muscles are quivering from the excursion and I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll have blisters underneath the sock on my prosthetic.


    Up ahead I can see the trees thinning and I realize that we are definitely not on any designated trail. It¡¯s going to be a bitch to get back to camp and I don¡¯t even have a flashlight.


    Stupid! Stupid!


    I manage to keep moving by supporting myself against each tree I pass until I finally hit the last stand of trees surrounding a moon-drenched field.


    Nia¡¯s on the ground off to one side staring at something. For a moment, I can¡¯t figure out what it is. Or rather my mind can¡¯t wrap around what I¡¯m seeing. It¡¯s a wolf the size of a bear and it is locked in a staring contest with her.


    My mind goes blank with terror as I scream, ¡°Nia! Get away from that!¡±


    She doesn¡¯t turn, but the creature swings its head towards me and I stare into twin yellow globes the size of baseballs.


    ¡°Holy fuck,¡± I breathe. I don¡¯t dare move, afraid of spooking the monster into attacking Nia. We stay like that, as sweat begins to drip down my back, neither of us blinking or looking away.


    Just as I think I might burst from the tension, a group of men enters the clearing from the opposite side. They are huge, at least seven feet tall, and made of pure muscle. But, more concerning is the fact that for some unknown reason they are all stark naked.


    ¡°What have you got there, sir?¡± One of them says as they trot over towards the wolf and Nia. Who was he talking to? The wolf?


    Another of the men shoulders one of his companions and laughs. ¡°God, he ran into a kid. Guess we¡¯ll have to eat it.¡± The tone of his voice says that he¡¯s joking but, since nothing in my life makes sense at that moment, it seems like a perfectly legitimate threat.


    The fear that was keeping me immobile shatters and I start forward. It¡¯s then that I notice what is next to the gigantic beast. Strewn around the space between Nia and it are bodies, or rather body parts. Mangled corpses, limbs torn off, blood everywhere. I look back at the wolf and now see with clarity that its shaggy brown fur is matted with a dark liquid - blood.


    ¡°Get away from her!¡± I screech as I continue forward in a manic need to get to her. But my legs can''t support my weight after having pushed so hard to follow Nia out here. I stumble and fall after only a few steps.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I slam both fists into the ground and start dragging myself forward.


    The men stop and, as one, all swing around to regard me. ¡°Well, fuck.¡± one mutters. He looks at me in disbelief, as if I am the oddity here, not the giant wolf or the three naked men that are larger than NFL linebackers.


    ¡°And look who''s just arrived,¡± the one who¡¯d joked about eating Nia says as another group of huge, naked people walk into the clearing. This group includes women and even worse, other abnormally large wolves.


    ¡°I thought you said there weren¡¯t any campers, Niles.¡± One of the new arrivals says, his voice is gruff and he is clearly annoyed. He is just as large as the first three but something about him is more imposing. He wears authority like a cloak and everyone seems to turn towards him slightly when he speaks, as if in deference. His hair shines black and silver in the moonlight and cascades over his shoulders like silk.


    For a moment, one surreal moment, I think about how nice it would be to have such flawless, straight hair. Then I am hit by an inexplicable wave of emotion, and a voice in my head is telling me that this man deserves my complete devotion. But just as quickly as it comes it¡¯s gone.


    ¡°Yeah, Kane, sorry about that. We were told it was. Not that it changes anything. We still needed to get them.¡±


    ¡°Indeed,¡± the one in charge sighs, looking over at the bloody wolf and Nia still on the ground.


    I¡¯m not sure whether it is the arrival of more people, the fact that the man is looking at her, or that the shock has finally worn off, but Nia starts screaming at the top of her lungs.


    One of the closer behemoths grabs her and puts a hand the size of a Christmas ham over her mouth. She keeps screaming but it¡¯s muffled. I gasp and shout, ¡°Get your hands off her! Nia! Nia, baby!¡±


    The imposing one regards the whole scene wearily. He looks at the wolf by Nia for a long moment before saying, ¡°I see you caught them all and didn¡¯t need any of us on the hunt.¡±


    The wolf makes a sound somewhere between a bark and a laugh.


    There is absolute stillness for a moment, with only Nia¡¯s shrieks breaking the silence. Every hair on my neck is on end as he finally looks at me. He has a strong, sharp jawline and a square face with piercing eyes so dark they looked bottomless. He holds my gaze for a moment and it feels like he is daring me to look away first. In the end, I break off the staring contest to look back at Nia.


    She is still screaming, albeit muffled, and the one presumably named Niles huffs. ¡°Bring the kid to her. Maybe it¡¯ll shut up. God, this is a cluster fuck.¡±


    I feel people arrive behind me but I don¡¯t dare take my eyes off of her. As more large, muscled bodies surround us, I know that I am absolutely fucked. I prop myself up trying to rise to my knees and call out for Nia again. By now she¡¯s tired herself out screaming and just hangs there, completely immobile in the man¡¯s arms. Her eyes are wide as saucers while the man¡¯s hand still covers the lower half of her face. She looks so tiny, so helpless.


    A strangled sob escapes my throat as rough hands pull me up and drag me. They let me go a yard or so from Nia but I haven¡¯t regained the ability to hold myself up yet.


    ¡°Or the other way around, I guess,¡± Niles mutters.


    "I think this one''s defective." one of the two who''d carried me over snickers.


    Niles walks over and hunkers down in front of me. "I have to say, you have the worst luck. Talk about wrong time, wrong place."


    The one holding Nia lets her go and she collapses in front of me. I pull her into my arms and release a breath I didn¡¯t know I was holding. She is alive and seemingly unharmed, just out cold. I see something clutched in her hand and gently pry her fingers apart to find a fucking golf ball. I want to laugh at how ridiculous it is that we are in this situation because of a missing freaking golf ball.


    I turn her face towards me and see that it is splattered with blood. Had she been here when that thing had killed those innocent people?


    I can¡¯t help but look at the bodies now that they were so close. I¡¯ve never seen a dead person before, let alone bodies torn apart. Bile rises in my throat and my eyes sting. How can they all be so calm? There are at least four dead people if the amount of heads I see is anything to go by.


    Niles stands up and turns to face the others. The wolf draws up beside him along with the man with the midnight hair. They seem to be having a silent conference. As I look from one to the other they all nod as one, wolf included, and turn back to look at us.


    It occurs to me that in any movie or book, once someone sees something they aren''t meant to, things only get worse, not better.


    I look back at the wolf again but, as I stare, his eyes begin to change, getting smaller and darker. His skin ripples and the otherwise quiet clearing fills with sounds like the cracking and popping of a fire. Slowly, bit by bit, the fur recedes into his skin, as his back legs lengthen and he stands. Our eyes are still locked as his face morphs into what can only be described as the fiercest looking man I''ve ever seen. His hair is the same brown as the wolf''s fur and parts of it cling to his forehead with either sweat or blood. He has a scruffy beard intersected by twin scars that start under his right eye and disappear below his chin. His eyes are a bright shade of amber, not so different from the eyes of the wolf he¡¯d been moments before.


    Coherent thought has left me and all I can do is stare. I''ve become numb to the fact that everyone around me is naked as the day they were born. And even stranger, the fact that a wolf has just become a man or even the carnage that surrounds me is not the most shocking thing right now.


    I am more shocked by the state the man is in. His torso is a patchwork of scars, most old, some new, and slowly oozing blood. Based on the rest of the mammoth-sized individuals surrounding us, I can assume that under all of that gore is hard muscle but what I see is puckered flesh, crisscrossed in every direction and shining silver in the light. Everything about him is intimidating and all I feel is the overwhelming urge to hide but I can¡¯t stop staring.


    There are now two things I know with absolute certainty. One, there is no way Nia and I are making it out of this, not after what we''ve seen. And two, werewolves are fucking real.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 2 - Whats lost is lost

    The wolf-turned-man continues to meet my gaze and raises an eyebrow. Niles snorts, mumbling to no one in particular, "Either she''s got big balls or a loose screw"


    "Take her," the wolf-man says, speaking for the first time. His voice is soft and low but carries across the field.


    At his command, I am descended upon. Nia gets pulled from my arms and one of the ones who dragged me over asks, "What do we do with the other one?"


    Was I the other one or was Nia?


    The wolf-man and the one with the long hair who I''d thought was the leader but is clearly subordinate to the wolf-man, both begin walking away, their bodies morphing into gigantic wolves as they go.


    Just as his hand shifts, the wolf-man waves it in a circular motion pointing down.


    I¡¯m not sure what that means but, it ends up with me getting hit in the back of the head and dragged away unconscious.


    When I finally come to, my head is pounding and my legs feel stiff and useless. I don''t want to move, to open my eyes. Even breathing feels like a lot of effort. Slowly, as the grogginess recedes, I hear voices above and beside me.


    "I don''t get why we''re bringing her back. Alpha has definitely killed for less."


    "Maybe he took pity. It could hardly walk."


    " All the more reason. Pups are killed for less, too."


    "God, you''re morbid tonight."


    I crack an eye open and am greeted with what looks like the back of a car seat. Without turning my head, I let my eyes roam around enough to know that I am indeed inside a fairly large vehicle laying across the laps of two men. I don''t recognize either of them from earlier in the night but, I hadn¡¯t noticed much else around me minus the three who apparently sealed my fate. At least these two are wearing clothing or laying across them would be a lot more uncomfortable.


    One of the men mockingly whispers to the other ¡°Do you think we should let her know that we know she''s awake?"


    I sigh audibly and try to sit up but laying on my side across the two of them makes it difficult, especially since there doesn''t seem to be room for me. Both men take up the entire back seat of the car.


    "Just stay put, sweetheart" the one who is holding my lower half demurrers. The way he says sweetheart was sickening.


    It¡¯s all too much. I want to throw up and if it lands on them, all the better. I try to swallow but my tongue feels like sandpaper. I roll my neck to try to lessen the stiffness and wonder how long I¡¯ve been out.


    "Are we almost there yet? Could we have just put her in the trunk?" the one by my feet grumbles and shifts under me.


    His jostling of my legs sent sharp pain shooting up my thighs and into my lower back. I¡¯ve definitely overdone it tonight. A wave of dread runs through me. Can I even walk at this point?


    I lay across them for what feels like an eternity when the car makes a sharp turn and comes to a stop on a gravel driveway. Both men get out at the same time, dumping me onto the car seat as they go. Then the one by my head grabs me from under my armpits and pulls me out of the car like a sack of potatoes.


    I half expect him to swing me over his shoulder but instead, he puts me down, his arm secure around my waist supporting my weight as I hobble-walk next to him.


    I think about fighting against him but dismiss the idea as soon as it comes to me. I clearly can''t get away - not just because I can barely walk but also because these men are both twice my size and I have no idea where I am. Not to mention I don''t know if Nia was alive or dead.


    Steeling myself for whatever comes next, I look ahead and see what I can only describe as if Abraham Lincoln''s log cabin had been built by 21st-century nouveau riche.


    It¡¯s a colossal building of wood and glass. A huge porch wraps around the building and large three-story windows set on either side of a gigantic set of double doors show a massive entranceway. It¡¯s basically a castle but a lot more rustic.


    As I am dragged up the driveway, I try to think of another private residence I''ve seen that was anywhere near this large and can''t. It certainly isn¡¯t what I expected when I was kidnapped by a gang of naked wolf-humans.


    We don''t go in the front doors but rather trudge through the grass around to the back, up onto the porch, and then into a kitchen that looks like it belongs in a hotel. We enter on the top story of the two-floor kitchen, which looks like a prep area with large counters and glass cabinets full of dishes and glassware. Along both walls are wide staircases.


    We take the nearest one down into the main part of the kitchen, which has more burners than I can count and multiple doors along one wall that look like they lead into walk-in fridges.


    On the far side of the kitchen is a set of double doors. We go through those into a hallway that¡¯s well-lit but sparse with hardwood floors and clean, white walls. The two men, one still keeping me upright, lead me down and practically drag me along, past a number of doors before stopping in front of an open one.


    Inside there¡¯s a bed pushed up against one side, the rest of the room is bare. The man, more gently than I would have anticipated, brings me inside and sets me down on the bed. Wordlessly, he leaves and closes the door behind him. I hear the soft click of a lock and know I¡¯m not getting out.


    Where would I go anyway?


    Nia.


    Her name bounces around inside my head as all the emotions I''ve been too overwhelmed to feel come rushing at me all at once. I gingerly bring my knees up to my chest and curl up on my side, giving in to the terror and sadness. My teeth chatter as my whole body trembles. I lie there, eyes open but seeing nothing.


    I am lost, alone, and my sister was taken from me. The best I can hope for is that she is alive. And mom, oh God. What will Mom do? And Dad?


    "Nia." Tears begin to fall, dripping down the side of my face and onto the tan bed linens.


    Would I ever see her again?


    I don''t remember falling asleep but I must have because I am woken up by a pair of rough hands forcing me into a sitting position. I open my eyes and am greeted by the crotch of a man I definitely don''t know well enough to have his dick be that close to my face.


    I crane my neck back and see it¡¯s the man who had carried me in earlier.


    "Are you my jailer?" I ask, surprised at the acid dripping from my tongue. I don''t feel particularly angry. I don''t really feel anything.


    He snorts at the question and hoists me to my feet. "Don''t suppose you can walk?" he asks as he lets go of my shoulders. Without responding I begin to teeter back, almost falling onto the bed. I most definitely can walk but the unceremonious way they are tossing me about isn¡¯t helping.


    He grabs my shoulders and pulls me upright, "Seems not."


    I decide not to correct him, thinking he will help me walk like before but it seems there isn''t time for that. Instead, he throws me over his shoulder. I think about protesting the treatment. About pounding in his back and demanding to be treated with dignity but something tells me it won''t get me anywhere and I am better off conserving my strength.


    He takes me back out into the hallway but instead of going back through the double doors we turn right and go up a different staircase. We enter a part of the complex that looks vastly different from the corner I¡¯ve stayed in. Everything here is polished, warm, and bright even at night.


    At the end of this hallway is another door and before we enter I notice that we must be off the side of the main entryway; a huge space that looks more like a ballroom and foyer. We enter another staircase and go up a few more flights. I try to keep track of where we are going but my mind is too jumbled.


    As we enter a room with mahogany paneling and deep maroon rugs, he finally puts me down. I surprise myself and my captor by standing on my own in the middle of the room.


    Against one wall is a large fireplace but it isn''t lit, which makes sense since it¡¯s an unexpectedly warm night at the end of September. Across from that is a large desk and high-backed office chair. Behind it are windows that take up the entire wall, floor to ceiling, but it¡¯s too dark outside to see.


    I look back over my shoulder and see that my carrier has excused himself. I am alone in someone''s office.


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    I go back to studying my surroundings. The other two walls are lined with bookshelves but they look more ornamental than like someone actually reads their contents. On the far side of the room is another door and I have a feeling that bad things are waiting on the other side.


    I stand there for a few minutes more, not knowing if I should sit down in one of the chairs by the fireplace or just stay where I am. Right as I¡¯m about to give in and sit to relieve the pain in my knee, the door across from me opens.


    At first, I don''t recognize the man, mostly due to the fact he is dressed. His body fills the door frame, making me feel utterly insignificant compared to him. He¡¯s wearing dark blue slacks and a well-fitted white button-down with the top few undone. The sleeves are rolled up revealing a hatchwork of scars.


    I study him for a moment and he seems to pause as if giving me time to drink it all in. When I finally get to his face, I am greeted with a smug smile and amber eyes. If those weren¡¯t a big enough giveaway, the long set of scars on his right cheek makes it clear.


    We stay like that, the only sound is a clock ticking and my breath coming out in short bursts.


    Finally, he rolls his massive shoulders back and laughs, actually laughs, like seeing me is the funniest thing to happen to him today. This man has taken my sister from me and with a casual wave of his hand he has kidnapped me and done, God knows what, to Nia.


    Nia. My knees almost give out and I reach for the back of the closest chair for support. He doesn''t come any closer, seeingly unmoved by my weakness or emotional state.


    I can''t bring myself to look back at him as I ask, barely above a whisper, "Is she dead? Did you, did you kill her?"


    "Why do you think I''d kill her?"


    My head shoots up in shock. I feel fury burn hot in my belly at the idiocy of his question and it gives me courage as I spit, "I saw what you did to those people. You murdered them!"


    He seems to find my answer amusing as he smirks and replies "Ah, so then I am more than capable of killing a defenseless little girl?" He chuckles, shaking his head.


    "You did, didn''t you?" I counter, my voice rising.


    ''Kill her? Sure, yes. I killed her. Does that make it all better?"


    The fire inside me goes out, doused by his words. He''s voiced my worst nightmares so casually as if asking about the weather or what I¡¯d like to drink.


    "Of course not!" I barely get out, choking on the lump in my throat. My stomach twists and I want to throw up. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I gasp, trying so hard to maintain any semblance of composure.


    His grin widens revealing far longer than normal canines. It gives a whole new meaning to a wolfish grin. "Is that all you wanted, little one? Just to confirm what you''d already decided to be true? Then you''ve gotten what you came for. Your sister is dead and we''re all monsters here. Welcome, welcome."


    I wish for once that I had a quippy reply to wipe that sanctimonious smirk off his face, but all I can do is gawk.


    He keeps talking, giving me an explanation of what would happen to me now, but I don¡¯t hear any of it as the news that my sweet, baby sister is gone plays on repeat in my head.


    A hand grips my chin and forces me to look up. Through blurred vision, I meet his unwavering gaze. "You''d do well to listen, little one. Humans don''t tend to last long, let alone," he pauses, looking me over as if appraising me, "Damaged ones".


    My fury suddenly returns with a vengeance and I slap his hand away. "Don''t," I managed to get out before his hand snaps back and wraps around my throat.


    "Don¡¯t? ¡®Don¡¯t¡¯ what? You''re alive at my whim. In this house, I am the law, the judge, the executioner. If I broke your neck right now a maid would come in and roll your body away. You''d be buried in a shallow ditch with your family none the wiser and no one here would bat an eye, let alone mourn you." He smiles again as my eyes grow to the size of saucers.


    My lip begins to quiver so I bite down, hoping the pain will keep the tears at bay.


    "Yes, that''s it. I think you¡¯re starting to get it now. You know," he murmurs, his thumb brushing over my cheek, ¡°You¡¯re almost pretty when you cry.¡±


    Bile rises in my throat. I can¡¯t stomach that he can touch me like this, without recourse, and condescend me when I am drowning in grief.


    "Don''t touch me!" I hiss but make no move to push his hand away this time, for fear of him doing something worse.


    He squeezes tighter and I feel pinpricks, like a set of needles, press into the side of my neck. Blood wells up and slowly drips onto my shoulder but I keep my eyes on him.


    "I am not yours. I am not property."


    He laughs, a sharp, forced sound, and pulls me to him, still gripping me by the neck. His other arm wraps around me pressing the length of my body against his. "Actually that''s exactly what you are. My Betas¡¯ convinced me it would be better than killing you. I''m surprised they even tried. We normally accept these sorts of losses as collateral damage."


    His hand leaves my neck and cups my cheek. It¡¯s so large that it covers the entire side of my face. "I am not cruel. I am what I am and I do what I do to protect this pack. You will live here and survive so long as you do not endanger us. And the moment I feel you are an unnecessary risk is the moment you''ll die, one way or another." His other hand trails down my back and cups my ass, pulling me up his body until I am straddling his hips in mid-air.


    "Your purpose is to serve. In what way remains to be seen.¡±


    I feel like I should be crying again but it¡¯s like I''ve used up my allotment for the year. I am also feeling strangely out of sorts with my emotions; my head is filled with grief and horror but my body is more interested in every aspect of him than the clear danger I am in.


    ¡°Why keep me and kill her?¡± I ask, trying to hold onto my rage as I feel it slipping away. I don¡¯t want to look at him anymore but with our faces so close there isn''t much else to see.


    I focus on his scars. One of them runs close to the corner of his lip and ever so slightly tugs it up, giving him a permanent smirk. Or maybe he¡¯s always smirking and the scar isn''t to blame. His lips are full and parted as I look at them, his tongue flicking out to lick the lower one.


    I immediately look back up to his eyes and find them dancing. "If you''re going to look at me like a piece of meat it''s only fair I return the favor."


    "I''m not," I sputter, "I wasn''t!" I push off his chest and am surprised when he lets go and I fall to the floor like a rag doll.


    ¡°To answer your question, perhaps I am cruel, after all. You¡¯d be in a lot less misery if you were dead in her place, wouldn''t you? Though you don¡¯t seem too miserable, little one.¡± He looks down at me, with that same condescending smile, as he straightens his shirt.


    My face feels hot like I¡¯ve been caught doing something I shouldn¡¯t have. I don¡¯t understand why my feelings were swinging all over the place. I can¡¯t seem to hold onto my anger or sadness. I look away from him again and focus on getting up, using the bookcase as support.


    "Yes, I''m sure I will find uses for you. They''ll show you back to your room," he says as he goes around the desk and sits down. He opens his laptop and it¡¯s like I¡¯m not there anymore.


    "They?" As I ask, the door opens and a woman and man walk in. The woman is smaller than the ones I saw earlier.


    Is she human too?


    The man is the expected over-six-foot and broad-shouldered, though he isn¡¯t nearly as big as the one who just assaulted me.


    It then occurs to me to ask "who are you?"


    He looks up from his keyboard as the man who''s just come in wraps a hand around my arm and begins steering me out.


    "Why, I am the Alpha."


    I blink at him. "Alpha?"


    "Yes, and that''s the only way you should address me."


    He goes back to his computer and I¡¯m led out, the woman closing the door behind us. I follow after them as they lead me to a different room along the same hallway as I was in before. This room is a bit larger than the first one I was in. On the opposite wall to the bed, the corner has been built out into the room to form a small square with an accordion door to house a toilet and sink.


    The walls are a soft blue and the sheets and curtains match.


    Curtains!


    That means a window. Forgetting I¡¯m not alone, I hobble over only to find that there is indeed a window but it¡¯s no more than a foot high and all the way up by the ceiling. Still, I look up at it, the sky accentuated by the porch lights but everything else is a blanket of darkness.


    I turn back to see that the man has left and the woman is standing in front of the closed door.


    "Are you one of them?" I ask, my voice cold.


    "No," she replies, sounding disinterested. "I am Myra. Alpha said I should help you settle in. You''ll be working with the human staff. There are five of us, we live in this section of the house together. Please be courteous after dark.¡±


    I blink at that. Courteous? Like I was living with roommates, not a captive.


    She continues, unaware of my confusion, ¡°Tomorrow morning I will come and get you. Please be showered and in your uniform."


    I look around and see a neat pile of clothes on the table next to the bed.


    "You will shadow me this first week and then you will be on your own."


    I nod but none of this makes any sense to me. She seems to take my nod as confirmation that it¡¯s all clear so she turns to leave. Just as the door is about to close, she sticks her head back in and asks, ¡°What are your measurements?¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Bra and underwear.¡±


    My eyes widen and I¡¯m speechless for long enough that she clears her throat, ¡°If you don¡¯t want any, that''s fine by me.¡±


    Not having anything clean to wear seems worse than sharing private information so I rattle off the sizes. She only nods again and closes the door.


    I wait a second before testing the door handle, it¡¯s unlocked, which is a surprise. I poke my head down the hallway to see Myra enter a room at the end. I guess she lives here as well, just like she said.


    Is this my chance?


    I use the wall to prop myself up and head towards the kitchen. A quick peek inside shows it¡¯s empty. I scramble across, up the stairs, and am blessed with a clear way out. I step onto the porch and take a moment to rest, my back against the exterior of the house.


    Could it really be that easy? Could I just walk away?


    "He''ll kill you," a voice says from the shadows.


    I stiffen and press myself closer to the wall, wishing to God to melt into it.


    As if he had been part of the shadows, a man emerges from the darkness with catlike grace. I remember him from earlier. Now, seeing him closer with the light of the kitchen illuminating half of his face, he reminds me a lot of an actor I''d seen in a Korean TV show on Netflix, Mr. Sunshine. His long, black hair is tied back, away from his face.


    He responds to my unasked question of ¡®Who?¡¯ by inclining his head upwards, "Alpha will not allow you to leave. I wouldn''t recommend trying."


    I¡¯d known that was probably the case but I needed to try, didn''t I? How can I just stay here and cook or clean or whatever they would have me do when Nia is gone and my mom has lost us both?


    "Why are you warning me about anything?"


    "It is my job to have his best interests in mind and killing you is not in his best interests."


    The answer surprises me. I don¡¯t know what I was expecting but it wasn¡¯t that. Alpha already killed a lot tonight. What would one more death mean to the likes of him?


    For the second time that night, I ask, "Who are you?"


    "I am Beta Kane."

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 3 - What am I supposed to do now?

    Kane escorts me back to my room without touching me. He walks slowly, at my pace, not rushing or pulling me like everyone else here has tried to do.


    As we reach my room, he hangs back as I move past him and enter. He looks over his shoulder for a long moment before turning his attention back to me. "Please don''t try again," he requests before closing the door.


    I lay down on the bed, on top of the covers, thinking that there was no way I''ll ever sleep here. But the next thing I know, light is streaming in from my window announcing the dawn.


    Myra hasn''t given me a specific time to be ready, so I figure now is as good as any. I take a really quick shower, partly because there doesn''t seem to be any hot water and partly because there is no bar for me to steady myself with and after smacking my face against the tile wall, I decide enough is enough.


    The bathroom has all the basics, though everything is unscented and hypoallergenic. There¡¯s also a brush and hair tie. I try to remember how Myra had worn hers but can¡¯t picture it. I end up with a high ponytail to keep it up and out of my face. My hair is short enough that it sticks up a bit at the top.


    I dry off and go to look at the clothing that Myra left for me. There¡¯s a pair of black pants made of sturdy but stretchy material and a dark blue long-sleeved polo shirt. There aren''t any socks, shoes, or the undergarments that Myra had mentioned the night before so I just put on my own from last night.


    I roll up one pant leg and put on the silicon sleeve before rolling the two cotton ones over my stump. It¡¯s not a great idea to reuse them like this but I don¡¯t have others and hadn¡¯t thought to wash them in the sink last night.


    Right as I¡¯m fitting my prosthesis on, someone knocks briskly on my door and opens it. Myra is waiting on the other side wearing the same uniform as me but hers has a golden circle on the breast pocket, presumably saying she¡¯s got some sort of rank.


    "Good you''re ready," she says with a nod as she turns on her heel and walks away, down the corridor.


    I secure my leg and roll down the pant leg muttering about the impatience of able-bodied people. As fast as I can, I get up and peek out into the hall. She¡¯s already halfway down the hall, heading away from the kitchen, and probably figuring I¡¯m following her.


    I try to catch up but she¡¯s walking pretty quickly and even after a decent rest last night, it only takes a minute for me to lean against the wall. The walk through the woods the night before and everything after has stained my leg and it hurts to put much weight on it.


    "Myra, I''m sorry. I can''t," I stop myself from saying anything else and bite my lip. I don¡¯t want to tell them how hard this is for me or what my limitations are.


    Myra halts and looks back at me. Seeing me on the wall, she purses her lips. "Right. I forgot. Beta Niles said you''d be needing," she pauses searching for the right word, "assistance".


    She walks back over to me and puts one arm around my waist and the other under my elbow. Normally, I''d be annoyed by people touching and helping me without my consent, but that seems like the wrong battle to fight just now.


    As we start to walk, I mull over what she''s just said and then ask, "Beta Niles?"


    In my limited knowledge of wolves, I know there¡¯s an alpha and beta and the whole thing is a pack.


    "Isn''t it Beta Kane?" I ask.


    She nods, "Yes. There are three Betas in the pack. Beta Niles, Beta Kane, and Beta Anil."


    I¡¯m not sure what to do with that information but she surprises me by continuing her explanation. ¡°Usually there¡¯s just one. But Alpha wanted his top warriors to have the same rank so there would be no one overruling the other. It''s created a bit of democracy that you don''t normally see in packs," she explains as she leads me up a flight of stairs.


    As we reach the landing, she stops us and sighs, "I was planning to have you follow me but that doesn''t seem like the best post.''''


    I can feel her eyes on me and feel pinpricks of shame color my cheeks. I¡¯m about to say that I can do it when I have a ¡®lightbulb¡¯ moment. "Is there a garden I can work in?"


    "Well, yes, but I don''t think..."


    I cut her off before she can say no. "I''ve got a green thumb, really. And I just need a cane or stick or anything really to help." If I can get work outside, I''ll be able to get a better idea of where I am and how to get away, warning from Kane be damned.


    She shrugs and leads me outside. A few hundred meters from the house is a massive greenhouse with an expansive garden surrounding it.


    We head into the greenhouse and she lets go of me. Both Myra and I look around, leaving me to assume she isn''t in here often. She seems to realize I¡¯ve noticed her gawking and clears her throat, "Every morning you will report to Harry for your assignments. Normally that would be me but if we decide to keep you out here it''ll be easier to just go straight to him. However, you may also receive work throughout the day from pack members, which you are expected to complete before anything else. Clear?"


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    I don¡¯t know what else to say so I nod and turn back to look around. It¡¯s the largest greenhouse I¡¯ve ever been in, with rows and rows of plants both on the ground and hanging down from above.


    I hear her close the door behind me and relax a bit. It worked!


    In the distance, I see a man hunched over a crop of zucchinis. He looks too small to be one of them, so I¡¯m guessing he¡¯s a human, like me and Myra. I don''t know if I should go over to him or just wait.


    After a few minutes, he solves my indecisiveness by standing up and waving me over. He¡¯s middle-aged with tanned weathered skin, soft blue eyes, and a broad-brimmed floppy straw hat.


    "I''m Harry. nice to meet you," he greets with a smile that makes me want to smile in return.


    I start to walk over and notice that his smile falls a bit as he watches me move. By the time I reach him, his expression has turned serious.


    "I have the perfect job for you. May I?" he offers me his arm and I stare at it for a moment. I¡¯m taken aback by the politeness of the gesture considering I am a prisoner surrounded by monsters. After an awkward moment, I nod and take it.


    He leads me over to a table and a chair against the far wall. The table is piled high with small cloth bags.


    "One of the boys thought he''d help me upload but ended up mixing everything all together. The seeds are pretty varied so it''s easy to tell them apart. I''ve made a little chart for whoever I could rope into helping me. But you seem to be the one for the job. Just compare a seed from a bag with the chart and then write the name of the outside." He waits for me to get settled before handing me a marker.


    I open a bag to start and notice he¡¯s still standing there. He seems to be waiting for something and I realize I haven''t said anything to him yet.


    "I''m Ama, it''s nice to meet you, too." I¡¯m not sure that it is actually, but he''s been nothing but polite so far and I doubt being rude is going to help me any.


    He smiles again and with a wink, goes back to the zucchinis.


    He¡¯s right that it¡¯s easy to tell the seeds apart, but the ones on the table are only a fraction of the shipment. After I''ve finished those, the table gets loaded up again by the tallest, gangliest teenager I¡¯ve ever seen. He doesn''t say a word, just dumps another few hundred on the table and leaves.


    I spend the whole morning and a good chunk of the afternoon like that when Harry comes over.


    "I''d completely lost track of time. I''ll go get us something to eat. I''ve also got something I think you''ll like."


    That piques my interest and as he walks away, I wonder what it could be. When he comes back he pushes some of the bags aside and puts down an apple, a cheese sandwich on dark bread, and a bottle of water. I look up at him to say ¡®thank you when I see what else he¡¯s carrying, a pair of walking sticks.


    They¡¯re the type people use for cross country trekking and they look a bit too tall for me but beggars can¡¯t be choosers, as they say.


    "Thank you," I croak, surprised someone¡¯s actually trying to help me at all.


    He scratches the back of his head and says sheepishly, "I''m sure they''ll get you something better eventually but in the meantime, I thought these would help." His words are kind but they strike me like a slap to the face.


    Eventually? Would I be here eventually? Would I be here forever? And more so, why would anyone here do a fucking thing to make it easier or better for me?


    He frowns, dropping his arms to his sides, ¡°I¡¯m sorry if I¡¯ve overstepped.¡±


    I quickly school my expression into as much of a smile as I can manage. ¡°No, it¡¯s very kind of you. I still can¡¯t walk that far without support.¡±


    ¡°How long has it been?¡±


    I¡¯m still coming to terms with it myself and don¡¯t usually like to talk about it, but I¡¯m so off-balance with everything that¡¯s happened that I say, ¡°A while. It¡¯s a lot better than it was. I''ve just gotten my permanent prosthetic...¡± My throat tightens as I am brought back to the reality of my situation.


    ¡°Can I ask?¡±


    ¡°A car accident last year. I didn¡¯t lose it then, though. ¡±


    He nods slowly. I can tell he¡¯s waiting to see if I say more when it occurs to me that he might know about my sister. This may be a way to bring her up and gauge his reaction.


    ¡°My sister, Nia, managed to get wedged perfectly in between the dashboard and her seat, so, minus scrapes and bruises, she made it out alright. She was getting better, too. Not so afraid anymore.¡±


    Suddenly, I don¡¯t have it in me to be sneaky and try to trick something out of him. My eyes start to sting and I can¡¯t get myself to say the words out loud. I think she is dead now.


    I know he¡¯s looking at me, probably wondering what¡¯s going on but I don¡¯t want to talk anymore. Instead, I thank him again and try to eat my lunch. I manage to force it down, not knowing when I''ll get the chance to eat again, and go back to cataloging seeds. I tell myself that I just need to bide my time, learn about my surroundings, and plan a careful escape.


    It isn¡¯t until the sun begins to set that Harry comes over again to let me know it¡¯s time to stop for the day.


    What am I supposed to do now? Just go back to my room and wait for tomorrow?


    The decision is out of my hands though, when one of them walks into the greenhouse, exchanges a few words with Harry, all while stealing glances in my directions.


    I roll my eyes and wait for the monster to leave again before getting up. Harry meets me halfway and offers me a set of keys. "These open all the doors here. I think you''ll be good company so I''m keeping you."


    I know he means it as a joke but it hits too close to home for me to smile back. "Anyway, some of the boys need my help so I''ve got to head out now. You can stay as long as you like but just don''t forget to lock up when you go." He nods, more to himself than at me, and heads out, leaving me alone in the greenhouse.


    I decide to stay a while longer, slowly going through a few more bags before it gets too dark to see well, even with the overhead lights. With a sigh, I set aside my supplies and look around.


    I have to admit that it is a really impressive space. I get up, using my newly acquired hiking sticks, and make my way around the greenhouse. There¡¯s a truly vast array of fruits, vegetables, and even flowers. It looks like they grow most of what they eat.


    I think about the diet of wolves and stop short, wondering where they get their meat from. The thought makes me sick and I steady myself against the wall. I feel panic growing inside my belly and breathe in deeply.


    I just need to bide my time. Sooner or later there¡¯ll be a chance to escape. There has to be¡­

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 4 - G.I. Jane

    I stay in the greenhouse until the sun sets beyond the trees. The walk is quiet on my way back into the main house. Even without distractions, I don''t notice the man in front of me until he pushes off from the wall he''s leaning on.


    He isn''t one of the ones I''ve seen before since I¡¯m sure I''d remember him. Like Kane, he exudes authority. Unlike Kane, he also has an aura of menace that makes me stop in my tracks like a deer in the headlights. My blood runs cold as he approaches; I¡¯ve never felt more like prey in my life.


    ¡°You smell good. Most of your kind stinks, though I have met other humans who also smell¡­" he pauses for a moment and his mouth moves as if he¡¯s chewing on the word, "...good.¡±


    He¡¯s close enough that I need to look up at him but I can only just make out his face. His eyes are too dark to tell the color but they burn with unbridled emotion. Rage? Lust? Maybe just a predator.


    His dark hair is short-cropped but messy. He¡¯s as tall as the others but leaner, more whip-like. He reminds me of a big cat rather than a wolf.


    He circles me and a cold shiver goes up my spine. More than anything I want to run but fear and the knowledge that I won¡¯t make it far keep me in place. As he walks behind me, his hand runs through my hair.


    ¡°I''m not sure why some of you are less disgusting."


    I should be insulted but I can barely focus on his words. Somehow he cuts through my hair tie and my hair falls around my shoulders. As it does he gathers it up in one hand and wrenches my head back. Bending over me, he presses his nose into my neck.


    "Are you scared, human?¡± he purrs against my skin, sending sickly vibrations down my spine.


    I swallow hard and he laughs. ¡°Your heart is pounding like a little rabbit. How can any of them resist when the scent of your fear is intoxicating?¡± Can he smell my fear? I know about animals and pheromones in a general sense but it¡¯s never occurred to me that that knowledge might directly impact my life.


    He pulls harder and I whimper; it feels like he might rip a chunk of hair from my head. With his other hand, he grips my cheeks forcing my mouth open.


    ¡°Pitiful creatures. Why alpha keeps any of you here is beyond me." He smiles, forcing my lips apart further, and shoves a finger inside my mouth, making me gag. I balk, scrabbling at his arms as he keeps me bent backward, still gripping my face with bruising force.


    ¡°If you can¡¯t take that, how will you work with anything bigger?¡± he sneers, adding a second finger and swirling them around inside my mouth. So I do the only thing I can do, bite down.


    It doesn¡¯t seem to hurt him but his grip increases to the point where I think my jaw is going to break. I let go and cry out in pain, which only makes him smiles, bearing all his teeth.


    I close my eyes, afraid of what will happen next, but he throws me forward hard enough that I stumble and fall to my knees.


    "Absolutely pitiful," he says scornfully.


    I don¡¯t look back, keeping my eyes fixed on the ground between my arms. My entire body trembles as I wait for the next attack but after I minute of silence I can¡¯t bear to wait any longer. I dare a glance over my shoulder and see that he¡¯s gone.


    Picking up the walking sticks I¡¯d dropped when he first grabbed me, I push myself to my feet. I don¡¯t remember the rest of the walk back but I end up inside my room with the door shut and stand in the dark for a long while. As the adrenaline wears off, I am bone-deep weary. I forgot that I was surrounded by monsters and I have no one but myself to blame.


    Right as I¡¯m about to get undressed, I hear a soft knock on my door and open it to reveal a teenager who¡¯s the spitting image of Myra.


    "Hi," she says cheerily "I''m Cassidy. Did Myra tell you I''d be coming?" I shake my head and she smiles sheepishly, running her fingers through her close-cropped chair. Watching her hand slide over her scalp makes me realize that Myra had also had very short hair; it couldn¡¯t be a coincidence.


    I look down and see she¡¯s got a pair of scissors and hair clippers in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. I reach up and touch my hair at the sight of them. It¡¯s very long but that was my choice. Having someone else tell me I have to cut feels like just one more thing being taken away from me.


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    "It''s just hair, right?" She says with a shrug as she walks past me into my room. I know she¡¯s trying to make me feel better but all it does is leave me feeling wearier than before.


    "Does everyone keep it short?" I ask as she sets up in the bathroom, dropping the plastic bag on my bed.


    I peek into the bag as she answers. Inside is a pack of socks, a pack of underwear, and a set of front-closing sports bras. I¡¯ve never worn something like that before but they look pretty comfortable.


    She beckons me over, "Yeah, pretty much. Come on. I find it''s easier to cut first and then clip."


    "How short?" I ask as I straddle the toilet seat, my back to her.


    "I usually use it at the longest setting. About two inches."


    "And we''re expected to keep it short?"


    "Hmm, yeah. Makes it easier to manage and harder to grab, of course." Her words are a punch to the gut. Just moments ago someone had grabbed me like that. Was assault so commonplace here that women guarded against it like this?


    "Buzz it off," I say, my voice steely. I''ll never let any of them grab me like that again.


    "All?"


    "Yeah, like G.I Jane," I answer with a sardonic smile.


    "Whose that?" She asks as she works the scissors through my hair one section at a time


    "Ah, Demi Moore with a crew cut." I muse and then proceed to relay the entire plot of G.I Jane as she finishes cutting and then begins shaving my head.


    She offers to wait for me while I take a shower. I try to decline but she¡¯s quite persistent. When I get out Cassidy¡¯s sprawled out on my bed, asleep.


    Wrapped only in a towel, I gently shake her shoulder. "Don''t you have your own bed to sleep in?" I tease softly.


    She grumbles something and rolled over, making me smile. Then a piece of my heart crumbles at the thought that Nia will never be a sleepy teenager, impossible to wake up.


    Cassidy cracks an eye open and smiles up at me. "You look good with a Demi Moore haircut."


    I wonder if I should explain that Demi Moore normally doesn¡¯t have hair like a skinhead but think better of it. Then I''ll have to explain skinheads as well.


    "Well, I''ll get out of your hair. Get it? Hair?" She snorts at her own joke and stands, stretching and yawning loudly. "I''ll see you around, yeah?" She asks as she picks up her stuff and heads to the door.


    "Yeah,'''' I agree, though my heart isn''t in it. Part of me hopes I won¡¯t see her again. She¡¯s kind and young and she reminds me of Nia. I don¡¯t want to find good things here. I don¡¯t want comfort or contentment. It¡¯s easier to accept the cage when it¡¯s gilded.


    I close the door behind her and go back into the bathroom to examine my face in the mirror. Bruises are starting to form on my cheeks. I can almost make out each finger, like a handprint across my face. I run my hand across the centimeter of fuzz I now have and am pleasantly surprised with it. I don¡¯t look half bad like this.


    Shuffling back to the bed I flop down and the second my eyes close I¡¯m dead asleep.


    I wake up again when the morning light hits my face and am grateful for it since I don''t have an alarm clock or phone to get me up. Thinking of a phone, I wonder if there¡¯s a landline here I can use to call for help. It¡¯s a long shot and I can¡¯t even tell the police where to find me but it¡¯s something to keep in mind as I plan for my eventual escape.


    At some point, while I was out of my room yesterday, Myra or Cassidy left a pile of clothes. It¡¯s three more sets of the same thing I¡¯ve been wearing plus a pair of sturdy dark brown boots.


    I try them on but they¡¯re too roomy in the toe.


    ¡°Too big definitely beats them being too small¡± I mutter to myself as I stuff an extra sock down into the front of both boots. They fit perfectly now.


    I leave my room and start to push open the kitchen door when someone clears their throat behind me. I turn around and see Myra.


    "Wasn''t I supposed to go straight to Harry?"


    "Yes. You''ve been asked for, however. Follow me."


    With the walking sticks, it¡¯s much easier to keep pace and I revel in this tiniest bit of independence. When I reach her she studies my face, presumably looking at the bruises but says nothing. Based on what Cassidy said last night, I get the feeling that this isn¡¯t too out of the ordinary.


    She takes me up the staircase we went the last time and into the main part of the house. Here everything is warm and inviting, unlike the basement. The floors and walls are polished mahogany that gleams in the morning light. The walls are covered in paintings of every style and time period, modernist to renaissance, and the northern and southern walls are lined with floor-to-ceiling windows.


    We walk through the main entrance hall where the ceiling is at least three stories high and up a grand staircase that branches out into walkways that lead over to the eastern and western wings of the building.


    Looking up, I can see people moving about on the walkways above, going from room to room, or heading downstairs. Off to one side, I hear the sounds of voices and cutlery on plates.


    "The pack mess hall is over to the right. We eat in the kitchen. I''ll make sure something is waiting for you with Harry when you''re finished."


    She leads me up to the third floor and we stop in front of the furthest door on the southeast side. She knocks and waits; I don''t hear a "come in" but after a few seconds she opens it, ushers me inside, and then closes ithe door after me.


    ¡°Fuck,¡± I breathe as I take in my surroundings. I¡¯m back in the Alpha¡¯s office again.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 5 - I wonder if he expects me to be grateful because I鈥檓 not.

    I recognize both of the men but neither of them is Alpha. Beta Niles is over by a bookshelf perusing its titles. His back¡¯s to me but I recognize his sandy hair. The other man is sitting on a low-backed couch next to Niles. He¡¯s the man from the night before. On impulse, I reach up and touch the purplish bruises on my cheeks.


    Everything about the man seems on edge like he¡¯s waiting for the right moment to pounce. And everything in me is telling me to run.


    Right as I am about to bolt for the door, consequences be damned, Niles turns around and I stop, keenly aware of the consequences, but Niles doesn¡¯t look mad.


    He opens his mouth to say something, but in the same moment, the other man stands and stalks towards me, interrupting whatever Niles had planned to say.


    ¡°Nice to see you, again,¡± he grins, towering over me. I stifle the urge to fold myself into a ball. He wants to scare me and I don''t want to give him the satisfaction for the second time in as many days.


    "You look prettier now," he murmurs softly, maybe so Niles won''t hear. His words push back some of the fear, irking me at his supposed attraction to my injuries. Injuries that he¡¯s inflicted.


    ¡°Anil, give the human some space. I¡¯m sure she doesn¡¯t appreciate the tiger impersonation either,¡± Niles chides, but I hear humor in his voice like he thinks this behavior is amusing.


    Anil walks around behind me, heat radiating off of him. He isn¡¯t touching me but I know he¡¯s almost pressing against my back. I feel the pressure of his presence like the very air has grown heavier.


    "How do you just stand there, Niles, when she reeks of fear like prey?"


    ¡°Perhaps you¡¯ve grown rusty these past few years.¡± It sounds like a challenge but Niles looks congenial. I look over at him and find that he¡¯s not even looking at Anil but at me. When our eyes meet he smiles, ¡°I¡¯m told your name is Ama. Is that correct?¡±


    I nod as Anil leans over me, his head next to mine. He breaths in exaggeratedly. ¡°Really, Niles. Does it matter what its name is? And a strange name at that.¡±


    ¡°Oh, because Anil is so commonplace?¡± I snap and immediately covered my mouth, mentally cursing myself for being rash. The rollercoaster of emotions has clearly left me addled. But he doesn¡¯t seem offended; rather, he seems pleased.


    ¡°Do you think she knows that insolence is our bread and butter? It just makes her a more appealing snack.¡±


    ¡°Anil,¡± Niles says in warning, this time sounding a lot more serious.


    ¡°Yes, yes. Alright.¡± Anil sighs and suddenly the weight on my back is gone. He goes back over to the couch and sits, suddenly very interested in his fingernails.


    I am grateful that he¡¯s moved away but I don¡¯t thank Niles. I know he hasn¡¯t done it for my benefit, especially considering Anil already forced himself on me once in the past 24 hours and no one seems to care about that.


    ¡°Ama,¡± he begins but I cut him off. It¡¯s now or never and I have to know.


    ¡°Is she really dead?¡±


    ¡°Is who dead?¡± Niles asks, seemingly surprised by the question.


    ¡°My sister. Nia. The little girl. She¡¯s dead?¡±


    ¡°Why would you think that?¡± he counters, his eyebrows up.


    I blink at him, confused. ¡°Alpha said¡­¡± I trail off, trying to collect myself. ¡°He said that he¡¯d killed her.¡±


    Niles and Anil exchange a look and something passes between them because they both turn back to me with blank expressions. ¡°I¡¯m not sure¡­¡± Niles begins but is cut off again, this time not by me or Anil.


    ¡°Alpha decides the fate of those on pack lands.¡±


    I recognize the voice without looking back. I can¡¯t let Anil out of my sight; it feels like the moment I do, I¡¯ll die.


    Kane¡¯s answer was just as confusing as Niles''s. It¡¯s like they¡¯re speaking in riddles.


    ¡°Have either of you done what Alpha requested? Or were you tormenting her, instead?¡± Kane growls, coming around and standing between me and the other two.


    Niles holds his hands up, as if in surrender ¡°I was trying to. Anil kept getting distracted.¡±


    The man in question shrugs, throwing his arms over the back of the couch before adding, ¡°We don¡¯t keep humans around. I¡¯ve grown bored with all the old ones. Fresh meat is enticing.¡±


    A shiver goes up my spine and I hope he hasn¡¯t noticed my discomfort.


    ¡°I see Harry gave you his hiking sticks. Do you want something different? A crutch perhaps?¡± Niles asks as he comes forward and peers around Kane at me.


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    He is yet another body between me and Anil and I wonder if they are trying to block Anil from my view or the other way around.


    ¡°I,¡± I pause, deciding if I want to ask for something else. On the one hand, having more suitable support would make work easier. It would also make escape easier. On the other hand, I don¡¯t really want anything from these people. ¡°These are fine,¡± I murmur, meeting his eye and hoping that I seem sincere and unphased.


    Niles clears his throat and holds my gaze. ¡°You should stop doing that, you know. Wolves take these little staring contests as challenges.¡±


    That startled me enough that I blink and look away. Nothing is safe. I


    keep my eyes down as Kane turns away from us and asks Niles for any report of the western border. Niles reports and then Anil asks Kane if there had been any more sightings. Sightings of what they didn¡¯t say. I¡¯m trying to take in everything I am hearing but I can barely process the fact that I shouldn¡¯t be making eye contact anymore.


    I feel Kane''s eyes on me as he leans against Alpha¡¯s desk only a few feet to the right, but I don''t want to look at him for fear of provoking him. I¡¯m now afraid to look up past anyone¡¯s neck if it will end up with another repeat of what happened with Anil.


    But then I remember the night I arrived. I''d looked directly at Kane and he hadn''t responded like Anil or Niles. He didn¡¯t seem to mind us maintaining eye contact. You know, like people do when they are having a conversation.


    I look up and meet his gaze. He continues speaking with the others in a calm tone but his eyes are hard and cold and boring into mine. Since he¡¯s looking at me I can only assume I''ve done something wrong, though I have no idea what. With these creatures, it was impossible to know what might set them off.


    But more surprising than the fact that he''s apparently pissed off at me is the fact that it hurts to have him look at me that way. I¡¯d thought he was one of the few who wasn¡¯t a complete enemy. That''s my mistake; a moment of politeness isn¡¯t friendship and I doubt they are capable of compassion after what I¡¯ve witnessed.


    They continue to conduct their business as if I¡¯m even there, and when Kane shifts his body to face the other two, I think I might be able to slip out unnoticed. They seem to be done with me anyway.


    Right as I get up the courage to leave, the door opens again and Alpha walks into his office. I¡¯m not even more of a statue than before, afraid to even breathe. But his only acknowledgment of me is as he grips me by the shoulders and moves me off to the side, out of his path.


    I¡¯m so startled I don¡¯t even protest as he walks over to his Betas and joins in their conversation.


    I don¡¯t move from where he¡¯s shuffled me off to for a long moment, completely motionless, before I think ¡®Perhaps now?¡¯ I start for the door when everything goes quiet.


    ¡°Come here, little one.¡±


    I close my eyes and curse the high heavens for not giving me this one thing. Turning around, I see the Betas have left through the door on the other side, and I¡¯m alone with the Alpha, which is the absolute last place I wanted to be, or perhaps only second to being alone with Anil again.


    ¡°Harry has said you worked well with him yesterday. He¡¯s requested to keep you with him in the gardens. I have a mind to install you here though. Maybe as my personal secretary.¡±


    He watches my face intently, clearly wanting me to show some sign of how I feel about his suggestion. In truth, it¡¯s a whirlwind inside my brain but I don¡¯t want to give him that satisfaction again. I¡¯m so tired of being at the mercy of their whims and inhuman behaviors.


    ¡°I like to garden. I can be useful there.¡±


    ¡°I can make use of you anywhere.¡±


    I keep my eyes down, thinking of Niles warning, and knowing that Alpha is nothing like Beta Kane.


    But it seems that nothing I do is right as Alpha chuckles and is on me before my next breath. I stumble backward, my back hitting the closed door as he fills the space in front of me.


    ¡°What happened to that defiant creature who was in my office yesterday accusing me of murder?¡±


    I keep my eyes averted even as he grabs my face and forces it up. His other hand snakes underneath me and pushes me up the wall until our faces are level.


    ¡°Did it only take a day for all the fight to leave you, little one?¡±


    His hand leaves my chin and gently caresses my cheek, leaving a trail of heat across my skin. It feels like he¡¯s a thousand degrees and the air¡¯s stifling being so close to him.


    "I see you''ve already made some friends," he murmurs but he didn''t sound pleased as his fingers ghost over my bruised flesh.


    "You didn''t need to make it this short either." He continues as his hand slid around and cups the back of my head, forcing my face up to his.


    "Was it Anil or Haden?" He asks, his voice soft but stern. "Or maybe someone else?"


    I don''t answer, I just stare at his lips, doing my best to avoid his eyes. I¡¯m not sure what telling on Anil would get me but the popular phrase ''snitches get stitches'' runs through my head and I¡¯m not keen to test the theory.


    "No, I suppose you''re too smart for that. Wolves do enjoy their retribution." His lips pull to one side before he sighs. He releases me and backs away. Just as it was when Anil moved away, it¡¯s immediately easier to breathe and I suck in a deep breath.


    "So you plan to stay with ill-fitted hiking sticks? Your stubbornness only hurts you. I don''t care what you have." I know he¡¯s right and I hate that he¡¯s right.


    "Fine," I snap, forgetting not to look him in the eyes, as I shoot mental daggers at him. I know it¡¯s a huge mistake as his flash and he¡¯s on top of me again.


    "Well, what will it be?"


    "A forearm crutch for the right side." I¡¯m in awe of how steady my voice is, conserving I¡¯m a few seconds away from pissing myself in fear.


    "Good." He keeps his eyes on mine and I¡¯m sure I shouldn''t but I keep on staring. His hand cups the back of my neck again and he surprises me by breaking eye contact to lick up one cheek and then down the other.


    What the fuck was that?


    He pulls back, releasing me, and walks to his desk. "Report to Harry," he says, dismissing me.


    I¡¯m out the door and down the steps as fast as my feet can carry me. This time as I walk back down to go outside, I don''t bother to look around to admire the space. I need to get out of here if only to hide away in the greenhouse.


    By the time I reach the glass doors to what is becoming my sanctuary, the reflection that greets me shows that my bruises have already faded to the yellowish-green of days old. Did these people have magical healing spit?


    I wonder if he expects me to be grateful because I¡¯m not. I wouldn¡¯t have needed to be mended if one of his Betas hadn¡¯t hurt me in the first place.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 6 - Dont lie to yourself, nothing about this situation is lucky.

    ¡°Hello, Ama! You¡¯re an early riser I see.¡± Harry calls from behind a row of blueberry bushes. ¡°Want to give me a hand with these?¡±


    I sit on the floor beside him and scoot down the row of bushes, picking all the low-hanging fruit while he does the higher sections. As we go along, he tells me about how the harvest this year is the best he¡¯s had in the past ten. I notice that he doesn¡¯t comment on my now mostly-healed bruises though I catch him staring a few times.


    As he continues talking, I wonder how long he¡¯s lived here and decide to bite the bullet and ask.


    ¡°Well, let¡¯s see. I guess this winter will be eighteen years. Doesn¡¯t feel like it¡¯s been that long really.¡±


    I don¡¯t mean to pry but I also desperately want to know. ¡°What about your family?¡± I ask, thinking that there must be people out in the world who looked for him when he went missing.


    ¡°Myra and Cassidy? Well, they¡¯ve been here that long too. Though Cassidy was born here.¡±


    I immediately look away, hoping to hide my shock. I had no idea that they were his children.


    I know that there are five humans living here from what Myra told me, so I ask, ¡°Who are the other two humans who live here?¡± I¡¯m hoping to change the subject but in the end up falling right back into it.


    ¡°There¡¯s Tomas and Madeline. Tomas is my oldest and Madeline is turning ten next month,¡± he beams as any proud father might.


    There aren¡¯t five trapped individuals like me. There''s an entire family living here and then there¡¯s me. I am now keenly aware that there¡¯s no chance in hell they¡¯ll help me escape. They¡¯ve been living here for most if not all of their lives. I want to ask how they¡¯d gotten here in the first place but I don¡¯t want to press my luck. Plus, just the knowledge that there¡¯s a happy little human family living under the oppressive tyranny of Alpha is information overload. My day has barely started and I¡¯ve already heard and learned and felt way too much.


    We continue on in silence, though it¡¯s a relatively comfortable one. I¡¯m just trying to process what he¡¯s said on top of everything else and he¡¯s humming softly to himself.


    When we finish with the blueberries we move on to raspberries and then he announces it¡¯s time for a break.


    He takes me outside and over to an empty vineyard on the far side of the packhouse. We sit in the shade of a large tree and he pulls out a few apples.


    ¡°It¡¯s a beautiful place here. Serene. You won¡¯t find anywhere else like it.¡±


    I can¡¯t argue with that. He¡¯s right; it is beautiful. But it¡¯s hard to admit that out loud when it¡¯s also my prison.


    ¡°In the summer when the vineyard is ready to be picked, the whole place comes alive. I can even get some of the young ones out here to help me. Beta Niles even joins in sometimes. Don¡¯t tell anyone but I think he¡¯d rather work out here than on patrols.¡±


    I nod like it all makes sense to me. Harry seems genuinely pleased with his life. Is it possible that I¡¯m the only one who''s a prisoner? Can he and his children come and go as they please?


    Again, I¡¯m burning with unasked questions but I know I need to get to know them better before asking so that I don¡¯t arouse suspicion. So I smile and nod and listen to him tell me all about the harvest they will have next year and how he¡¯ll be grateful for my help.


    I force myself not to think about it¡­next year. I just need to take things day by day and sooner or later I¡¯ll have what I need to get out of here.


    The next few days passed without any other surprises, beyond of course the fact that people can turn into wolves when I realize I need to wash my sheets, towels, and clothing.


    After Harry declares that we are done for the day, I ask him how I¡¯m supposed to do that. He seems genuinely surprised that I don¡¯t already know and tells me the laundry room is the door across the hall from where I sleep.


    Needless to say, I¡¯m a bit embarrassed and I excuse myself to go do just that. I gather up my things and cross the hall, pushing open a large door, perpendicular to the ones that lead into the kitchen.


    It¡¯s quite spacious. Along one wall are a set of six washing machines and opposites to them are the dryers. On the far wall is a long metal table and a large storage rack that has clear boxes of was looks like Tide pods.


    I snort as I took one out of the box, holding it in my palm. ¡°They don¡¯t have chocolate but they¡¯ve got Tide pods, huh?¡± I murmured to myself, only to have my spine then try to exit through my ass as someone responds in a room I was sure was empty.


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    ¡°Well, you know dogs and chocolate¡­¡±


    I whip around, my heart pounding, and see Beta Kane sitting crossed-legged on top of one of the dryers reading.


    I don¡¯t know how I missed him when I entered but considering how settled in he seems to be, with a half-eaten sandwich beside him, I¡¯m assuming he¡¯s been here the whole time.


    He turns a page, not looking up at me as he asks, ¡°Do you know how to use those?¡±


    My brain seems to have ceased all intelligent function as I wonder if he¡¯s just made a joke about himself and the others being dogs and also if I am about to die.


    As the silence drags on for an uncomfortably long time, he finally looks up with a sigh and gestures to the machines behind me.


    ¡°Do you know how to use a washing machine?¡±


    I nod, dumbly, before taking a deep breath, trying to bring my blood pressure back down. ¡°Yesh, uh, yes. Yes, I¡¯m fine.¡±


    I quickly turn and bend down to pick up my clothes, having dropped them when he scared the living daylights out of me.


    The washing machines are different from one I¡¯ve used before but it¡¯s not rocket science so I get it sorted quickly. When the load is finally running I set my hands on top and debate if I should wait here or leave and come back when it¡¯s done. I don¡¯t have anywhere else to be but I also feel like waiting with Beta Kane would either force us into a conversation or make us sit in even more uncomfortable silence.


    Before I reach a decision, he interrupts my thoughts, ¡°I¡¯ll have your crutch for you by tomorrow evening.¡±


    I turn around, and bob my head in what I hope seems like a thank you. Our eyes meet for a second before I remember to look away.


    ¡°Is there anything else you need?¡±


    My gaze snaps back to him surprised by the question. I don¡¯t want to kid myself into thinking that it¡¯s a genuine concern but coupled with the joke he told earlier and our meeting a few nights before, I¡¯m not sure what to make of him. In the office, I had been reminded that he¡¯s just like the rest of them but, it¡¯s easy to forget when I¡¯m face to face with him now and he¡¯s being¡­nice.


    He seems to think I¡¯m not going to answer so he shrugs a shoulder and looks back down at his book.


    I take the opportunity to study him. Fluorescent lighting shouldn¡¯t be flattering on anyone but he seems to do just fine with it. He has a broad face with sharp cheekbones and a straight nose, slightly upturned. I can¡¯t see his eyes but they are fringed with thick, dark lashes. His hair is up in a half-ponytail leaving the rest to fall onto his broad shoulders.


    I follow the movement of one of his hands and he scratches along his jaw, drawing my attention to the stubble there and then up to his lips. I feel myself bristling with annoyance. Every time I am alone with one of them, I become an idiot, though this is the first time it¡¯s not fear but interest that¡¯s turned my mind to mush.


    I¡¯m sure he must feel me staring because he looks up again, and I¡¯m surprised by the glow of his eyes. They are dark chocolate brown but seem to shimmer with golden light.


    Do they have eyes that glow like that?


    ¡°Perhaps a coat?¡± His question catches me off guard and I remember he asked if I needed anything. Considering the weather will only get colder, I decide not to play the martyr and nod.


    ¡°Gloves and a hat would be nice as well.¡±


    He nods, closing the book and uncrossing his legs, which are long enough that his feet reach the floor. He stands and even from across the room I feel dwarfed.


    ¡°Any color preference?¡±


    Again, I¡¯m not expecting that level of consideration and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, which is, ¡°brown.¡±


    He arches a brow and nods slowly. ¡°They¡¯ll be delivered tomorrow as well,¡± he says over his shoulder as he exits the room, his half-eaten sandwich presumably forgotten.


    I slump back against the washing machine and sigh loudly. I wonder if he usually hides away and reads in here or if he knew I¡¯d come. I also hate myself for getting tongue-tied and I can¡¯t ignore the fact that my brain goes screwy around them. I need to ask Cassidy or Myra the next time we have a quiet moment away from prying ears.


    The next day passes quickly and I''m barely aware of my surroundings as I trudge back to my room. I couldn¡¯t fall asleep last night, uncomfortable and afraid, plus my leg is still so sore. I should not wear the prosthetic for a few days to let it rest but that doesn''t seem like an option.


    I¡¯m almost to my door when I run into a wall. I bounce back, stumbling and a vice grip grabs my arm, steadying me.


    I look up and see Beta Kane. I forget for a moment and hold his gaze, surprised by how light his eyes are in better lighting; they look like caramel.


    He clears his throat and I''m brought out of my daze. I look away and notice he''s carrying a crutch and a bag in his other hand.


    I take another step back and he lets go of me. ¡°Sorry," I murmur, my eyes still on the crutch. He said he was going to have it for me today but I hadn''t really put much stock in it.


    He holds it out to me. "Is this the right kind?"


    "Yes, thanks." I reach out, itching to take it. With this I could feasibly go a day or two without my leg on, assuming I don''t need to walk too far. I make a mental note to check with Harry before ditching the foot.


    He places it in my outstretched hands and I quickly adjust the height and angle of the grip, testing it a few times by walking by and forth in the hallway. I''m so focused that I forgot about him until it''s correctly set up.


    He seems to sense that I''ve gotten it right as he holds out the bag, blocking my path as I circle back around again.


    "The coat and gloves...brown as requested." he isn''t smiling but I can hear the humor in his voice. I''m not sure why I chose brown either but it doesn''t seem that funny.


    I nod my thanks and take the bag as well. Before I can say thanks again, he steps around me and heads over to the kitchen doors.


    I think about calling after him but I''ve got nothing to say.


    I sigh and go into my room. Removing my leg, it''s worse than I thought. the skin has begun to ulcerate and the whole area is swollen and hot to the touch. I decide that I won''t wear it tomorrow, even if I haven¡¯t told Harry; I¡¯m pretty sure he¡¯ll understand.


    I flip back on the bed with an exasperated sigh. I''d say it''s luck that I got the crutch just in time but nothing about this situation seems lucky

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 7 - Do you know the game 鈥榰ncle鈥?

    The next morning, when I show up with my crutches and sans one foot, Harry lets me know that it''s not a problem though we will be going on a field trip.


    Harry takes me on a short trip into the woods using an all-terrain vehicle. I¡¯ve never ridden on one before and cling tight to the back of his jacket, afraid to fall off since I can¡¯t plant my feet firmly.


    By the time we reach a wide clearing with animal pens, I¡¯ve relaxed enough to look around. There¡¯s a pen for cows, one for pigs, and one with sheep and goats. Beyond that, I see huge pastures for grazing. It seems that the packhouse is entirely self-sufficient, which means that I can¡¯t rely on something like a supply run to get out. I also learn that Harry manages all of the food for the packhouse and his son, Tomas, is in charge of the kitchens.


    As he goes over their production processes, I realize that I am relieved. A part of me thought that I might find pens full of humans instead of the usual livestock.


    He takes me on a tour of the facilities and I¡¯m content to follow after him, looking around. I¡¯m surprised when my stomach grumbles. I hadn¡¯t realized how long we had been out here.


    Harry seems to feel likewise as he leads us back over to the ATV and tells me he has a great place for us to eat lunch.


    We head back towards the house but make a slight detour to the east. After a few minutes, we reach a beautiful lake.


    It¡¯s large enough that the other side is hard to make out, but it looks like there is a house tucked in amongst the trees.


    I point it out and ask, ¡°Is that also part of their land?¡±


    Harry nods. ¡°There are a few guesthouses around the property. When visitors come, they usually prefer to have their own space.¡±


    I wonder if anyone is staying there now, though it¡¯s impossible to tell from this distance. Harry sits down on the dock closest to us and pulls out a rather impressive lunch spread.


    ¡°Courtesy of Tom,¡± he says with a smile.


    I sit beside him and take one of the sandwiches. We eat in silence for a few minutes, each enjoying the stillness of the lake.


    ¡°It¡¯s really lovely in the summer. It used to be used all year-''round before they got indoor plumbing but since then, no one really comes here unless it¡¯s warm, not that shifters mind the cold much.¡±


    I¡¯m struck by the indoor plumbing comment and wonder just how long it¡¯s been. Harry doesn¡¯t seem that old, so perhaps the pack is just slow to move with the times, even if they do have Tide pods.


    I don¡¯t reply, not wanting to say anything that might come across as rude, since there¡¯s very little I feel that¡¯s positive about the place. So we fall about into silence and once the food is gone, Harry stretches exaggeratedly and nods his head in the direction of the ATV.


    ¡°Don¡¯t suppose you¡¯d want to drive it?¡±


    I snort out a laugh, ¡°No, thanks.¡±


    He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling and I see just how happy a man he must be. He¡¯s got all the laugh lines, which feels wrong considering he¡¯s a human among monsters.


    We are about halfway back to the house when Harry stops. I look around his shoulder to see why and see a pair of shifters having what looks like a fight.


    ¡°Jesus,¡± I gasp as one slams his fist hard enough into the other¡¯s shoulder, dislocating it with a sickening pop.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry. They are just roughhousing,¡± he¡¯s not looking at me but he must sense my incredulity because he adds. ¡°It¡¯s practice. Don¡¯t worry, once they stop all their wounds will heal in a matter of hours.¡±


    He starts up the four-wheeler again and gives them a wide berth as we continue back. ¡°You know the game ¡®uncle¡¯?¡± he asks.


    ¡°Yeah¡­¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re doing something like that. But it gets a bit messy since they are basically indestructible.¡±


    I fight back the bile in my throat. I never understood why children liked to play ¡®uncle¡¯. The idea of seeing how much pain you can bear while inflicting it on someone else was never appealing. Their version is far more brutal.


    When we get back, Harry tells me that I¡¯m free for the rest of the day, but I¡¯m exhausted, and using the crutch has made my shoulder sore; I must have been holding it wrong.


    I spend the rest of the day in my room and fall asleep really early. So early that I wake up naturally long before the sun has risen.


    Unable to sleep longer, I get up, go through the kitchen, and up onto the back porch. It¡¯s unseasonably warm out and it makes me think of a perfect way to clear my head, courtesy of Harry¡¯s trip around the grounds yesterday.


    The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Dad¡¯s house is right next to a small lake. I used to go out into the water every morning when we visited. Not to swim, just to float and relax and let everything else slip away.


    I go back to my room and change. I don¡¯t have a swimsuit so I wear my undergarments from the day before and wrap an extra towel from my room around me. I don¡¯t put on my prosthetic either since I¡¯m letting the skin heal and I can¡¯t use it in the water.


    The walk takes much longer than I anticipate, the ground is uneven so I go much slower with the crutch, not wanting to risk a fall. But it¡¯s a peaceful walk nonetheless, and I enjoy the soft silence the woods has when everything and everyone is still asleep.


    I leave the towel and my crutch on the dock and let my legs dangle, my left foot just skimming the water.


    The light is beginning to break on the horizon and for a moment I pretend I¡¯m back at the lake with my dad and sister. Maybe they are in the house right behind me. Maybe they¡¯ve just woken up and I¡¯ll turn around and see their sleepy heads poke out from behind a door and ask why I am up at this ungodly hour. Maybe mom would be there, too.


    I close my eyes as tears threaten to escape. I¡¯ve made it this far. Every day I feel stronger and more sure of myself. Every day I add another little piece to my plan. I¡¯ll make it home if only to tell mom and dad that Nia is gone. If only to expose Alpha and the rest of them and make sure that they pay.


    Kane¡¯s face flashes in my mind. I sigh and lean back on my elbows. The air is still and I wonder how much longer I can stay out here.


    But, as if thinking of him summoned him, I hear a voice from behind rumble, ¡°You really shouldn¡¯t be out here like that.¡±


    The silence breaks so suddenly that I throw myself forward into the lake. As I come up for air, I see Kane standing on the edge of the dock, poised like he¡¯s about to dive in after me.


    ¡°Well, at least you can swim,¡± he says, the corners of his mouth twitching.


    ¡°Barely, I grumbled,¡± my legs already feeling heavy as I grab onto the edge of the dock.


    ¡°Would you like assistance, Ama?¡±


    ¡°No, no. That¡¯s fine.¡± I continue holding on to the dock. I want to get out but I hadn¡¯t anticipated anyone seeing me. The sports bra and panties are soaked through and that isn¡¯t a visual I want to share, especially given that my leg is completely exposed as well. No one here has seen it. No one here has seen any of me actually. Since the accident, I haven¡¯t wanted to be seen.


    ¡°You look cold,¡± he states, his brows knit together. ¡°And to think I went through the trouble of getting you a coat only for you to purposefully go into a lake in late autumn.¡±


    He crouches down and leans over so that our faces are only a few feet apart. I sink back down until only my head¡¯s above the water. We stay like that, both waiting to see what the other will do until he sighs and says, ¡°The others are out but they will come back this way soon. You, here, cold and wet, and wearing very little is not a good idea.¡±


    I scrunch my face up, feeling even more like an idiot than a moment ago. Knowing there is no other alternative, I ask, ¡°What are the chances you could help me out, but with your eyes closed?¡±


    The corners of his mouth lift just a fraction again. His eyes dance as he nods gravely, ¡°I think I can manage.¡±


    As he closes his eyes, he reaches down and grabs my forearm. With one swift pull, I am out of the water, sailing through the air for a moment, before landing with a thump against his chest.


    He tilts his head up, eyes still shut. ¡°Sorry, I miscalculated.¡±


    I stay there for a moment, in shock. I¡¯ve never been lifted up quite like that. It¡¯s exhilarating and terrifying. With my face pressed to his chest, I breathe in deeply to settle the butterflies swarming in my stomach. He smells clean and woodsy.


    As I peel myself off of him, I thank my lucky stars that he¡®s dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants and not fresh from shifting. But I do notice that his feet are bare and try to remember if I¡¯ve seen any of the shifters wear shoes before.


    He brings his face back down but his eyes are still closed. It¡¯s a rare opportunity to look at him unguarded. Compared to that day in the laundry room, I am much closer and he doesn¡¯t seem to be aware of my eyes on him.


    He has a faint scar running through his left eyebrow that cuts it horizontally in half. His features are refined but masculine, with a jawline that could cut glass. His lips are still curled up in the tiniest of smiles.


    He¡¯s just as tall as the rest of the Betas and Alpha but unlike Niles and Alpha, he has broad shoulders and narrow hips, more like a swimmer than a football player.


    ¡°Is your towel nearby, Ama?¡± he asks, humor-laced through his question.


    That startles me out of my admiration. ¡°Oh, yes. One second.¡± I have no choice but to use his arm for support as I slide around him, before stumbling over and wrapping my towel around myself. ¡°All clear,¡± I say, my voice cracking.


    I clear my throat as he turns around, his eyes open. He looks me over and sighs audibly, ¡°I¡¯m not sure that is much of an improvement, Ama.¡±


    ¡°Yes, well. Unless you can teleport me back. I¡¯ll have to walk like this.¡± I said, mentally kicking myself again for really poor planning.


    ¡°Not a bad idea,¡± he muses and my eyes grow wide as he swiftly walks towards me and picks me up bridal style.


    ¡°My crutch¡­¡± I murmur.


    Somehow he bends over and picks up the crutch without jostling me in the slightest. With it tucked again my side he says, ¡°I would recommend closing your eyes, Ama.¡±


    ¡°What? Why?¡±


    The reason becomes very clear as he takes off, running so fast that whiplash causes my head to slam back into his shoulder. Before my brain can even process what¡¯s happening we are standing outside of the door to my bedroom.


    He gingerly puts me down and keeps one hand on my shoulder, making sure I¡¯m standing on my own with the crutch before he lets go.


    ¡°I trust you can take it from here, Ama?¡±


    ¡°Uh, yea. Yes.¡± I stare at my door, in awe and more than a bit embarrassed. ¡°Thanks,¡± I turn around to say goodbye but he¡¯s already gone.


    Magical spit. Check. Superhuman healing. Check. Running at the speed of light. Check.


    Shifters... I let the word rattle around in my head. I need to start getting used to the idea. Shifters - not humans.


    And had I imagined it or did he call me by my name, a lot?

 Part 1-Alphas Choice: 8 - I try believing it never happened, but the smell of bleach is too strong.

    On the trip I took with Harry a week before, he¡¯d told me Tomas had an open door policy with food so long as you didn¡¯t get in the way of him or his staff while they were preparing meals for the pack.


    It¡¯s already long after dinner service and the kitchen is empty. I could have eaten dinner with Myra and Cassidy, as they¡¯ve been inviting me to do, but since arriving I¡¯ve been sneaking into the kitchen late at night to eat. It¡¯s good to know now that it¡¯s actually not sneaking though.


    I¡¯m taking a big bite of bread with soft cheese when the door on the second-floor swings open, hitting the wall hard enough to crack the molding. I jump out my skin, my sandwich slipping from my hands, as Anil and Kane rush down the stairs, carrying a person between them. The man in their arms is grunting, his leg twisted at an odd angle and his chest covered in blood. Behind them are two others I don¡¯t know, also bleeding from various wounds. All of them are naked, having just shifted back into their human forms.


    They leave a trail of blood behind them, making the steps shine a brilliant crimson in the overhead light. I back up until I hit the wall, and watch as Anil and Kane lay the man down on the table I was just sitting at. My eyes travel down to my sandwich on the floor, now covered in blood and I fight the urge to throw up.


    I gag and cover my mouth, fumbling blindly behind me for the door. The noise must catch their attention because Anil looks over at me and barks, ¡°don¡¯t just stand there like an idiot. Get us towels! And get Haden in here!¡±


    I didn¡¯t know who Haden is but luckily Myra¡¯s come, probably woken up from all the noise they¡¯re making. When she hears him, she replies ¡°I¡¯ll get him now. Ama, you get the towels from the closet over there.¡±


    I follow her finger and scurry over to the linen closet, grabbing all the dish towels I can carry in one arm and dumping them on the table next to the injured man. I try not to think about how my feet slide on the floor; I know that it is blood but I want to pretend it¡¯s freshly mopped tile.


    ¡°Here,¡± Kane moves to my side of the table and gestures for me to grab a towel. When I do, he takes my hand in his and presses it over a gushing wound in the man¡¯s side.


    ¡°Shove more towels against it and press as hard as you can.¡±


    I do as he says, my hand tingling from where he touches it. The pleasant sensation is short-lived, however. I shiver as nausea returns once more, this time from the sight and sensation of blood seeping between my fingers. I¡¯ve never seen someone so injured before. I don¡¯t remember my own accident well enough to have been made sick by it and I can barely comprehend what I saw the night I met the shifters, so this is definitely the worst.


    I drag my eyes away, looking for anything else to focus on when I see one of the men I didn¡¯t recognize shove his fingers into an open wound in his torso and root around inside. I feel myself dissociate as his actions remind me of how a woman might search for chapstick in her purse. Blood gushes around his fingers as he slowly extracts them, a long white object in his grasp.


    It¡¯s a fucking tooth!


    I swallow the bile rising in my throat and look away, still maintaining the pressure as best I can. I can¡¯t put my full weight into it because that will make me too off-balance with my crutch. It¡¯s ridiculous that I am even being asked to when all of them are clearly far stronger and much more comfortable with gore, clearly.


    ¡°You¡¯ll be okay,¡± Kane murmurs softly, his hand resting over mine again. He leaves it there for a moment longer before moving on to help Anil keep the wounded shifter from thrashing.


    I focus on the feeling of his hand even after it¡¯s gone, willing myself to ignore the screaming and the feeling of squishy fabric between my fingers.


    It isn¡¯t until a tall, slender man walks in that my attention snaps back to the present. He¡¯s slimmer than most of the people I¡¯ve seen so far but even taller, with sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes almost hidden under shaggy brows. He has a thick blonde and red beard and gives off distinct Viking vibes.


    ¡°Why hasn¡¯t he shifted?¡± the man asks, clearly annoyed.


    Myra comes in just behind the Viking, so I assume this man is Haden. Alpha asked me if it had been Anil or Haden who¡¯d hurt me when he¡¯d seen the bruises on my face. If he¡¯s anything like Anil, I should give this man a wide berth; he clearly isn¡¯t someone I want to get to know better.


    ¡°Who the fuck knows,¡± Anil growls. ¡°We didn¡¯t even see them coming. They are getting a lot more organized.¡±


    Kane shoots him a look that clearly says ¡®Shut up¡¯ and Anil grumbles something under his breath before returning his attention to Haden. ¡°He said he can''t shift before this started,¡± he gestures to the prone man, who Kane and another one of the men are trying to keep still.


    ¡°Nonsense.¡± Haden scoffs and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a syringe with a blue metallic liquid. ¡°Myra, get the other human and get out,¡± he orders without looking at either one of us.


    Myra signals me over and then pushes me out of the kitchen, closing the door behind her. As it swings shut, I see Haden insert the needle into the man¡¯s thigh. His screams echo through the corridor. As he screams, the sound began to morph into something far less human, like a wolf howling.


    The past few weeks had gone by without any noticeable signs that I¡¯m surrounded by monsters. I had almost deluded myself into thinking the whole shifter thing was made up.


    ¡°He¡¯ll be fine,¡± Myra comforts me, mistaking my concern for myself with concern for the injured man. ¡°Shifting heals almost all wounds.¡±


    ¡°Are they immortal?¡± I think about the sparring I saw with Harry. They had been tough for sure, but this seems like another level.


    She taps her chin, ¡°No. But I''d put my money on any one of them in a fight.¡±


    That gives me little comfort as I go back to my room, my late-night snack forgotten.


    I try to sleep but I can¡¯t rid myself of the sensation of blood. I wash my hands until the skin turns red but the stickiness stays. I know it¡¯s in my head but that doesn¡¯t change the crawling sensation on my skin or the rolling waves of nausea.


    The room feels stuffy and airless. Finally, I give up and peer into the hallway. It¡¯s quiet and dark; presumably, the injured men have gone somewhere else. I go back through the kitchen, the table a bloody mess, and feel ill all over again.


    I sidestep the worst of it and breathe in deeply as I push open the door onto the porch. The cool night air hits my burning cheeks and I almost fall down the steps in my haste to get away.


    I can¡¯t go fast with my crutch but I walk until I am at the edge of the yard, right before the forest begins. I stare into the darkness, wondering how far I could make it before one of the ones on patrol finds me. But then again, maybe they aren¡¯t my biggest concern. it seems there are even more dangerous things lurking out there, things that can hurt the predators I live in constant fear of.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    Overwhelming hopelessness swamps me. I let myself slide down my crutch until I am on my knees. My chest feels so tight, I am gasping for air. My lungs feel like they can¡¯t fill up even though I am clearly breathing. My chest feels like an elephant¡¯s sitting on it. I wheeze as tears prick my eyes.


    How could I do any of this?


    I was deluding myself into thinking I wouldn¡¯t die here, whether by one of their hands or old age, like Harry was probably going to someday.


    How could this be it?


    I¡¯ll never see my mom again. I¡¯ll never see my friends. I¡¯ll never find love, get married, maybe have a dog or a kid someday. This is it. This is all I get.


    I hug myself as the cool night air finally starts to chill me, and I think about my new coat back in my room. It¡¯s a gift from a monster and it¡¯s pathetic that I¡¯d even asked for it.


    I rub against my sternum, wondering if it¡¯s possible to die from the aching in my chest when something falls over my shoulders. I reach up and feel soft, thick fabric; it¡¯s the sweatshirt of someone twice my size.


    I look up into the darkness at the silhouetted figure behind me. Shielding my eyes from the light, I recognize Kane. He¡¯s showered and gotten dressed since I last saw him and is wearing a pair of sweatpants. Presumably, he¡¯s just taken off his sweatshirt to drape over me.


    I hug it around me tighter, appreciating the warmth, even as I say, ¡°You didn''t have to do that.¡±


    ¡°I did.¡± It doesn''t sound like he¡¯s arguing, just stating a fact.


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t going to run,¡± I add, sniffling and wiping my eyes on the back of my hand. ¡°I¡¯m not stupid.¡±


    ¡°I never thought you were.¡±


    He moves over to my side so he isn¡¯t backlit and stands close enough that I can feel his warmth. ¡°I preferred to be the one to approach you. The others can be less tactful.¡±


    I look around but don''t see anyone else.


    ¡°They are around.¡± he presses, knowing what I¡¯m searching for.


    We stay like that a while longer, both looking out at nothing, in silence. Finally, he shifts and turns towards me, offering me a hand. I take it and as he pulls me up, he softly says, ¡°Don''t lose faith.¡±


    I pull my hand back and wipe it on my pants, knowing my palms are sweaty from my nerves, ¡°I don''t believe in God.¡±


    ¡°There are many things you can have faith in. Yourself for one.¡± I feel his eyes on me, but I don¡¯t know what to say so I keep my head down as we walk back to the house. I don¡¯t want his pity and being around him and the others is like playing a game of good cop, bad cop. I¡¯m just as sick of it as I am of everything else.


    When we¡¯re in front of the kitchen door I offer him his sweater, but he gently pushes my hand back, saying ¡°Keep it¡± before turning around and heading out back into the darkness.


    I somehow make it back to my room and fall into bed, still holding his sweater. It smells like rain, clean laundry, and the woods. I hate that it¡¯s even mildly comforting.


    I wake up before dawn, the sky¡¯s still grey with pre-dawn light. I decide to wear my prosthetic today, not wanting to have to rely on my crutch to get around.


    Once I¡¯m dressed and ready, I steel myself and head back to the kitchen, finally hungry again. There¡¯s no trace of the previous night¡¯s events. I want to believe it never happened, but the smell of bleach is too strong.


    I sit down at one of the other tables and eat an apple. I wonder if the man survived. Myra made it sound like it was impossible to kill a shifter so it seemed likely.


    I hear the door creak open and turn to see Myra walk in. She¡¯s also dressed for the day. She regards me for a long moment, and I feel like I am being appraised.


    She finally looks away and walks over to a fridge. With her back to me, she says, ¡°When you¡¯re finished, go to Alpha¡¯s office. He¡¯s looking for you.


    It¡¯s not even six in the morning but I shouldn¡¯t be surprised that he¡¯s already up. It¡¯s clear that none of them keep to normal working hours.


    I throw my half-eaten apple into the trash and go up into the main house. I¡¯ve lost my appetite at the thought of having to go to his office again.


    When I walk in, Alpha is sitting behind his desk, his laptop open.


    "Clean that up, would you?"


    He doesn''t look up from his computer so I look around the room trying to figure out what he means. The floor in front of the fireplace is covered in wet, shattered glass. The puddle of alcohol-smelling amber liquid makes me think at least part of this mess was a decanter.


    Within my first few days here, even though I was already working with Harry, Myra explained that all the suites had a supply closet for cleaning. She said I needed to know the basics in case I was asked to do something.


    I go over to it and get out a bucket and broom. Alpha still hasn¡¯t looked up so I do my best to pretend he¡¯s not there as I get down on my knees and get to work. I pick up the larger pieces first by hand and then sweep awkwardly while still on my knees, pressing my back to the wall so I don''t tip over.


    "Must everything be so difficult for you?" His voice is a rough growl.


    I look up to see Alpha glaring at me, his head resting on an upturned palm as he leans on the desk.


    Flustered, I drop the broom. It clatters to the ground and I wince at the sound. I reach down to pick it up again and see a large shard of glass under the chair facing the fire. He hasn¡¯t moved so I ignore him and I slide forward and pick it up. It¡¯s thick and jagged. I push myself back up onto my knees with my other hand, holding it loosely so I won¡¯t cut myself.


    He sighs and gets up, coming around his desk. ¡°Utterly useless,¡± he mutters.


    The closer he gets the angrier I get. "What¡¯s your problem?" I snap, my cheeks hot with embarrassment. I keep my hands at my sides, not wanting the glass shard in my hand to seem like I am brandishing a weapon, though it¡¯s an idea...


    "You, at the moment," he replies haughtily. He sits in the chair in front of me, forcing me to either move back or end up in between his legs.


    I don''t want to back down so I find myself in a more compromising position than I would prefer. From my position, I stare directly ahead at his stomach, his knees by my shoulders. I flinch as he runs a hand through my hair, still short enough that it sticks straight up at awkward angles.


    "Don''t cut your hair anymore."


    "Myra and Cassidy," I begin.


    He cups the back of my neck and pulls me forward until I am firmly wedged between his thighs, my arms trapped against my sides. He leans down, his nose grazing the top of my head.


    "I said don¡¯t," he murmurs against my hair and I fight the sudden urge to lean into him. My body and mind are in complete conflict with each other. I know I don''t want to touch him. I know I¡¯m terrified of him and yet I can¡¯t seem to resist. I don''t understand what¡¯s happening but my body is betraying me as I tilt my head up, my cheek pressing into his.


    He straightens up and pulls me with him, dragging me onto his lap. The movement causes me to grip the glass too tightly and blood wells up in my hand.


    I yelp and drop the shard. The pain seems to have broken whatever spell I was under and I immediately try to stand but he holds me down with one hand on my hip. The other grabs my bleeding hand and examines it.


    "See? Everything is a trial with you. Nothing is easy."


    "I need to clean it. Let me go," I try again to get up and add "please," as an afterthought.


    He still doesn''t release me. Instead, he reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a handkerchief. He wraps it around and ties it tight with a knot on the back of my hand.


    "You cause me nothing but grief," he chides, still looking at my hand.


    "Then let me go," I plead, I am desperate to get away from him and willing to beg at this point. My head is swimming and I feel myself losing control again. Of its own accord, my head is inching closer to his own.


    "I can''t do that either. You''ll need to pay eventually."


    He uses his grip on my wrist to pull me in closer until our faces are inches apart.


    ¡°Are you going to do it?¡± he goads.


    I lick my lips, suddenly feeling parched. He growls, a low rumbling sound in his chest, that reverberates through my body. Every part of me is screaming to get closer, crawl further into his lap, and press myself against him, even as the voice of reason in the back of my mind is screaming to run.


    I know I need to get away and break whatever hold he has over me. I try to rise for the third time he finally lets me go.


    I scramble away, heading for the door, leaving the mess I was sent to clean up behind. "I''ll get someone to finish cleaning this up. Sorry for the inconvenience, Alpha."


    He doesn''t try to stop me but as I leave I hear him say to himself "There''s no way to get around it." Whatever that means, I know it can''t be good.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 9 - Dont forget the gilded cage is filled with monsters

    I finally take them up on their offer and join Cassidy and Myra for dinner. We¡¯ve just finished eating, our conversation light, and I decide to finally ask about the suspicion I have - the reason I¡¯m sitting with them in the first place.


    "Do shifters have some sort of mind control powers?"


    They exchange a look and Cassidy laughs.


    "No," Myra shakes her head. "Not as such."


    "But they Dominance can do really scary things to humans. It makes us incredibly susceptible to their suggestions, a lot more compliant. And you know, horny." Cassidy explains with a sly grin.


    Myra swats Cassidy for the last part, who just shrugs and continues, "All of them do it but the Betas and Alphas are a lot more potent. It''s how they exercise control over other shifters. They call the ability Dominance, but I think it¡¯s more like a pheromone thing. And I¡¯m pretty sure the effect it has on us is incidental since shifters don¡¯t usually mate with humans."


    "So, it''s not on purpose?"


    This time Myra answers, "Oh, I''m sure sometimes it is," she looks me over suspiciously. "Like when there¡¯s something they want you to do. They¡¯ll probably make sure that you¡¯re is under their control. Why are you asking? Did something happen with Alpha or one of the Betas?"


    I flap a hand, shooing her question away, ¡°No, nothing like that. I was just curious.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t seem convinced as she presses, ¡°It really depends on who as well; Niles is a Beta but he¡¯s nowhere near as potent as Alpha. And there are differences too. Kane tends to calm people whereas Anil works people up into blood lust.¡±


    Cassidy whistles, ¡°Ain¡¯t that the truth. I¡¯ve seen Anil lead training sessions that end with full-on shifter blood baths.¡± She shivers at the thought, ¡°he¡¯s the only one I avoid.¡±


    Myra is watching me closely as Cassidy continues talking and I feel like Myra is letting me hear all this not to educate me but, to see how I respond. Just like in the morning, I feel like I am being appraised.


    I steer the conversation away from shifter mind control. Cassidy is happy to talk about literally anything so it¡¯s not hard to do. I try to stay calm like I am unaffected by what they¡¯ve told me but I am livid to know that Alpha has been influencing my behavior. What happened in his office that morning was completely against my will and it makes a lot more sense now.


    When they both leave to go to bed, I creep back upstairs, ignoring the little voice in my head that tells me what I am about to do is a good way to get killed.


    Alpha¡¯s study door is partially open and before I can second guess my insanely stupid decision, I push it open and barge in, only to stop dead in my tracks. Alpha is sitting on top of his desk, shirtless. His head is tilted to the side as he runs his hands up the arms of the man standing between his legs. Even with his back to me, I know it¡¯s Kane. He has his arms wrapped loosely around Alpha¡¯s waist, his face buried in Alpha¡¯s neck.


    Neither of them acknowledges that I¡¯ve just walked in and I will my feet to go backward and out of the room. Just as I take a step back, Alpha¡¯s eyes snap open and he smiles, his hand coming up to run through Kane¡¯s hair as he drawls, ¡°Come back for more?¡±


    I think Kane wasn¡¯t aware of me until that moment, because he immediately stiffens, his head snapping up. He doesn¡¯t turn to look at me but everything inch of him is coiled tight, on high alert.


    I try my best to ignore him and focus just on Alpha. I came here for a reason, I might as well see it through. I scoff, ¡°you were controlling me. You knew I wouldn¡¯t be able to resist.¡±


    Now it was his turn to scoff. ¡°Don¡¯t blame your weaknesses on me, little one.¡±


    That nickname is starting to get on my nerves. ¡°Stop it. Stop all of this. Why am I here? Why didn¡¯t you just kill me like Nia?¡± My voice rises with every word until I am shouting.


    Kane still hasn¡¯t moved, but Alpha places a hand over his shoulder, squeezes, and then gently pushes him back. He¡¯s showing more consideration to Kane than I¡¯ve seen him do for anyone else before.


    He stands and stalks over to me. ¡°Get out,¡± he says, his voice monotone. The response startles me and I stare at him confused.


    ¡°Are you deaf as well as lame? I said, get out,¡± he hisses. Now Kane turns and regards us both wearily.


    I stumble back, knowing that the venom in his voice will only lead to violence. I don¡¯t feel any attraction to him like I did earlier. I wonder the different effects that Myra said they each have are more related to their moods than something innate to that particular person. All I feel from Alpha is complete and utter fear.


    My back hits the door and it slams shut. I turn around, my hand reaching for the knob, when he grabs me from behind, his arms pinning mine to my sides.


    ¡°Don¡¯t you listen?¡± he asks, his voice soft. His breath fans out over my neck and I feel my knees give out. The fear that consumed me moments ago is replaced with a warm, sticky feeling like syrup running through my veins.


    I shake my head to clear my mind but to no avail.


    ¡°Alpha,¡± Kane seems to have finally decided to join the conversation. ¡°Let her leave.¡±


    Alpha pretends not to hear him as he snakes an arm around me. ¡°I can almost hear the thoughts you¡¯re shouting in that pretty little head of yours. You¡¯re correct, little one. Just being near me is a danger to you.¡± He slides his hand under my shirt, caressing across my lower stomach and dipping just below my pants.


    ¡°These past few months have been torturous,¡± he murmurs. It feels like he¡¯s talking to himself now as he continues, ¡°I did my duty and I didn¡¯t keep humans around.¡±


    His hand stops on my waist and his grip tightens painfully. ¡°And then you, foolish little you, ruin all that work.¡±


    He spins me around fast enough that I would have fallen over if not for his hold on me.


    ¡°Liam,¡± Kane hasn¡¯t moved from his spot by the desk but he sounds more like he¡¯s growling than speaking. I wonder if physically interfering would make things worse.


    This time Alpha, or Liam, responds to Kane, looking over his shoulder at him. ¡°She''s going to be a problem until the end, isn¡¯t she?¡±


    I follow his gaze over to Kane as well, my eyes wide with fear as I barely manage to get out, ¡°end of what?¡±


    I instantly regret speaking because Alpha¡¯s head snaps back around. He smiles broadly, showing off his wickedly sharp canines and I want to melt through the door.


    ¡°I won¡¯t warn you again. Get out.¡±


    He lets go of me and I immediately open the door, almost throwing myself out. I look back as he closes the door after me, his eyes burning. Kane comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist right as it shuts.


    I wonder if I would have died in that room if Kane hadn¡¯t been there. The whispering voice of reason I had been ignoring is now screaming in my head. Stupid! Idiot! Fucking idiot!


    I can barely walk so drag myself along the wall of the corridor. As I pass by another partially open door, a voice inside calls, ¡°Come here, human.¡±


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    I am already on edge from Alpha and can''t even imagine what Anil wants from me. The only interactions I¡¯ve had with him have been, at best, unpleasant, and at worst, absolutely terrifying. But, I know that I am not supposed to ignore commands from pack members. While Myra has never explained what the exact consequences are, I¡¯m sure I don¡¯t want to find out. Still, part of me wants to say ¡®fuck it¡¯ and keep on walking.


    I close my eyes and sigh; he probably just wants to say something rude or make me run a pointless errand - it will be over in a minute. Since that encounter outside the greenhouse weeks ago, I¡¯ve had no direct interaction with him and I want it to stay that way.


    Walking in, I am surprised by the room. It¡¯s sparse. Nothing hangs on the whitewashed walls. The only piece of furniture, beyond a large chair by the window, is an extremely large bed in the center of the room.


    Anil is sitting in the chair, a glass tumbler in his hand filled with amber liquid. He is wearing a bathrobe that hangs open, exposing his tan muscular chest. I don¡¯t look any lower to see if anything else is on display.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you supposed to ask me why I called for you?¡± he drawls, swirling the liquor around in the glass.


    I hold back a snort of derision and respond, ¡°How may I serve you, Beta Anil?¡± If nothing else, Myra has drilled into me the importance of proper titles, and everything I¡¯ve heard about him and experienced myself tells me my best chance is to just keep my head down and play it safe.


    ¡°Excellent question,¡± he declares and then downs the drink in one gulp. He hisses and then smiles ¡°If only it was enough to make me drunk.¡¯


    He drops the glass on the floor and gets up, leaving the bedroom and entering another through a door on the far side of the room. From the steam wafting out, I¡¯m guessing it¡¯s the bathroom.


    ¡°Oh, human!¡± he calls in a mocking sing-song voice.


    I bite my lip, take a few deep breathes to calm my buzzing nerves, and slowly walk into the bathroom.


    His robe is discarded on the floor and he¡¯s lounging in a jacuzzi. The only thing obstructing my view is the bubbles rising to the surface. He is sitting with his back against one side, head back, arms splayed out along the rim, with his knees just sticking out of the water.


    I stand by the door not knowing what I am supposed to be doing. After a tense minute, he cracks an eye open and sighs, like I¡¯m not doing it right, ¡°Well? Get in already!¡±


    My heart drops to my stomach and I want to run. I already dealt with this type of shit from Alpha, though he¡¯d never gone this far. I figured that maybe Alpha did it because of his position and that fact that, as he reminded me repeatedly, I lived or died by his hand.


    I feel so stupid for thinking that cutting my hair and hiding away in the greenhouse would keep me safe. As I stand there in Anil''s bathroom, utterly defenseless, it dawns on me that when Myra and Cassidy said they were rarely bothered by anyone, maybe it just didn''t happen to them. I am not part of whatever rules keep them safe - I am on my own.


    Anil sits up slightly, his eyes on me, as I wonder if he¡¯ll care enough to get out of the bath and catch me if I make a run for it.


    ¡°I am not a patient man,¡± he chides before leaning his head back again.


    I don¡¯t want to be naked but he hasn¡¯t said anything about taking off my clothes. I sit down the tub¡¯s edge and roll up my pant leg, removing my prosthetic and the layers of silicone and cotton socks I use to pad my stump. I breathe in deeply and swing around, sliding into the tub in my long-sleeved shirt and pants.


    A lazy smile spreads across his face at the sloshing sound of me entering the water, clearly thinking he¡¯s won. But when he opens his eyes and sees me sitting opposite him in soaking wet clothes, his eyes grow stormy.


    ¡°Smart, are we? Come here then.¡± He spreads his legs, offering me space between them. \When I don¡¯t move, he warns, ¡°If I have to come and get you, it will be a far less pleasurable experience for you. It¡¯s the same to me either way.¡±


    His words did not convince me to move any closer; my body feels like it¡¯s locked in place. He doesn¡¯t seem concerned by my trembling as his hand snakes out and grabs my shoulder faster than I can see.


    I am pulled forward into his embrace, my body pressed against his. I can feel every inch of him through my clothes - every hard inch.


    He laughs, ¡°You¡¯re not a virgin, are you? No, humans are a promiscuous bunch.¡±


    I try to pull back but he grips the front of my shirt and rips it down to my sternum


    ¡°Wouldn¡¯t you prefer to take those off? Wet clothes are unpleasant.¡± he smiles toothly, enjoying the way I squirm to get out of his hold.


    I watch in horror as one of his fingernails extends into a razor-sharp claw and cuts my shirt the rest of the way open, slicing through my sports bra as well. He¡¯s careless and leaves a shallow cut from my sternum to navel.


    He tugs the garments off me, wrenching my arms back as if I am a ragdoll, and then roughly palms one of my breasts, leaving pinpricks of blood in a circle around it. I look down at his hand, no longer human. The tips of each of his fingers have inch-long claws that are now digging into my skin as he kneads my flesh.


    I bite back a whimper, my eyes going wide and I grab for his hand as he lets me go and it drops below the water, presumably to make quick work of my pants as well. ¡°Please,¡± I beg, my eyes stinging, ¡°You don¡¯t have to do this, please!¡±


    ¡°Have to? Of course not. But your very existence in this house annoys me and I try to deal with annoyances head-on. Maybe after I¡¯ve broken you, I¡®ll forget about you altogether.¡±


    He flips me over as if I weigh nothing and presses me down so my stomach¡¯s against the edge of the tub, his body covering mine. My hands scramble on the tiles, nails digging in to try and find purchase as I kick, hoping to catch him somewhere sensitive. My left foot connects but, it seems to have no effect on him as he bears down on me, feeling like a ton of bricks on my back.


    The sound of fabric ripping only further fuels my panic as I buck and yell. I can¡¯t let this man do this to me. I¡¯m not a virgin but the only man I¡¯ve had sex with was a long-term boyfriend. After everything that this place has taken from me, I can¡¯t lose any more of myself to it.


    I scream, failing to form any words, as I frantically try to pull myself out of the tub. With one forearm across my shoulders, he keeps me pinned as his other hand destroys the rest of my clothes. As with my shirt, he digs into my skin as he removes them, leaving more shallow cuts down my sides and legs.


    He caresses my lower back, his hand slowly sliding down. His arm on my back eases off, and I tense, ready the fling myself out of the tub. But then it feels like Wolverine has just run both sets of his claws down the backs of my thighs.


    I gasp at the sickening sensation. I¡¯m barely aware of myself as I begin to scream again, not recognizing my own voice. Intense pain immediately follows.


    I feel my vision tunnel. I know this pain; I¡¯ve felt it before. When they pulled me from the car wreck, my right leg mangled, I¡¯d felt pain like this. When they said the nerve damage I¡¯d sustained was irreparable, I¡¯d known this pain. And when the doctors had finally determined that a below-the-knee amputation was my best chance at living a life without constant agony, I¡¯d finally been able to move beyond this pain. But here it is again - unbearable pain.


    I feel a burning sensation move up my throat and don¡¯t try to stop it as I vomit all over the side of the tub. That seems to startle Anil enough that he gets off of me.


    ¡°Humans really are disgusting,¡± he sneers.


    I turn my head just enough to see him getting out of the tub and grabbing his robe. ¡°I expect this all to be cleaned up by the time I get back,¡± he orders, his nose wrinkled as he exits.


    There¡¯s movement in the adjoining room and then something is slammed into the wall as a low, male voice growls, ¡°What the fuck, Anil? Bleeding a human in the packhouse? Are you insane? I could smell it down the hall!¡±


    Anil growls back and I manage to keep one eye open long enough to see him get thrown back into the bathroom, hitting the tile floor hard enough to make it crack.


    This time I hear Alpha. ¡°I have allowed certain behaviors to go unnoticed. I have allowed my Betas to have a voice in this pack. But if you cross me again, I will rip off your head and mount it on the front door.¡±


    Other voices joined, but everything is becoming quieter now, so I can¡¯t figure out what they¡¯re saying. My body is getting heavy and I let go of the rim of the tub, falling backward with a splash. My face and chest are coated in vomit and the backs of my thighs are bleeding heavily. The water is a muddled reddish brown.


    As I drift I wonder if he¡¯s cut me deep enough to kill me and also if swimming in vomit laced water with open wounds is going to get me an infection.


    I don¡¯t know how much time passes before someone comes to get it. They get into the tub and pick me up, putting one hand behind my shoulders and the other under my thighs. The pressure makes my skin feel like it is ripped all over again and I cry out.


    I am quickly repositioned and cradled in the crook of their arm with my head tucked into their neck. The person carries me out of the tub and into a shower, where we stay, letting the warm water soak us both until it begins to run clean. I turn my face away from the spray and I breathe in deeply, recognizing the scent of clean laundry and trees; Kane.


    I allow myself to relax into his arms, barely aware of anything through the pain. I¡¯m almost completely swallowed by darkness when a small voice breaks through. ¡°Ama?¡± It¡¯s Nia¡¯s voice. She''s calling for me.


    My body hollows out and I come to my senses enough to realize that I¡¯ve started to let myself forget. I¡¯d pretended that focusing on the here and now would help me prepare for escaping but I just made it easier to accept being here. I¡¯ve been trapped for weeks and have very little show for it. I am no closer to escaping, no closer to avenging Nia. I¡¯ve done exactly what I told myself I wouldn¡¯t do; I¡¯ve accepted the gilded cage and clearly haven''t fully understood the danger of being locked in it with wolves.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 10 - Do not mistake momentary kindness for genuine concern

    I wake up in a room that is not my own. Sunlight filters through sheer white curtains. I am on my stomach with a wall of pillows on either side to keep me from rolling over.


    As I start to get my bearings my whole body beings to tremble, from exhaustion, fear, relief. It¡¯s a mixed bag of emotions.


    I manage to find enough strength in my arms to push myself up onto my elbows and look over my shoulder. I am wearing a long loose t-shirt way too big to be my own that comes up to the tops of my thighs. Just below it, I can see swaths of pristine white bandages down to my knees.


    The numbness that comes with just waking up and not quite feeling all of yourself is ebbing away. The first thing I feel is the deep ache in my legs. It¡¯s followed by a stabbing feeling in my chest, a gnawing feeling in my gut, and a splitting pain in my head. A stream of tears follows, dripping over my nose and onto the pillow. Even after I¡¯ve formed a respectable wet spot in front of me, I can¡¯t seem to stop the tears, now joined by snot.


    I¡¯m not sure how long I stay like that, propped up and staring down at a soaked pillow, but eventually, I run out of steam, exhaustion hitting me again. I wipe my face on the sleeve of the shift and take a few deep breathes to steady myself.


    The pain in my legs is not as bad as I thought it would be considering what Anil did to me and I decide to roll over and see where I am. The idea of doing so and the execution are not at all alike. I end up having to roll over in increments, which is only made harder by the sea of pillows. The whole thing makes my skin stretch painfully and what should have taken seconds takes me long, agonizing minutes.


    When I¡¯m finally flipped, I¡¯m grateful that the pain isn¡¯t any worse than when I was on my stomach.


    The walls are a soft grey accented by the curtains in a darker shade. All of the furniture is black-stained wood, including the headboard that I¡¯m propped up against. The only color in the room is the cover I am laying on top of, which is a deep shade of green. It¡¯s a room I have never been in before; it¡¯s tasteful if not a bit depressing.


    I grab a pillow and put it behind me, pulling myself up closer to a seated position. When I¡¯m comfortably situated, I mull over whether I should take a look at what''s under the bandages.


    As if sensing my thoughts, the door opens and Kane walks in. He looks uncomfortable with his hands shoved into his pockets. He¡¯s dressed more formally than I¡¯ve seen him before in a pair of dark jeans and an umber collared button-down. The ruddy orange of the shirt offsets the caramel brown of his eyes.


    He doesn''t say anything and after a measurably long and awkward silence, I decide to put on my big girl pants and break the silence. "I was just wondering if I could maybe get out of here. This is your room, isn''t it?" Compared to all the other shifters I know, I seriously hope it¡¯s Kane, or even better, a guest room.


    "It''s mine," he confirms and then turns around woodenly to close the door behind him. He stays with his back to me, his hand on the doorknob and I get the distinct impression that he is debating whether or not to leave again.


    I hear him sigh and he doesn''t turn around as he speaks again, "It''s difficult to look at you."


    When I don¡¯t reply, he spins around with his hands up in surrender. "I meant to say that you are injured. It shouldn''t have happened." His words are kind but his expression is hard. It reminds me of when I saw him in Alphas office after Anil had bruised my face. He''d looked at me with the same cold, glare that he has fixed on me now.


    "And I suppose I''m to blame?" I ask. "What? Was my shirt too tight? Was my short hair exposing too much of my neck? Were my ankles uncovered?"


    How dare he look at me like that! I don''t even want to be here and still, I have tried to follow their ridiculous rules. I¡¯m keeping my head down. I¡¯m doing everything I can to avoid trouble. How can he blame me?


    ¡°Just as your human society is governed by rules, so is ours. And just as your human society has those who break the rules, so does ours.¡±


    ¡°So that''s what happened to me? A broken rule?¡± I am still angry but as soon as the words leave me I realize that human laws are no different. If a man assaulted a woman it would break a law and a law is just a rule.


    ¡°Humans are," he pauses and purses his lips, before starting again. "Humans are a complex issue. While there are protocols for dealing with humans, each Alpha decides on the punishments for breaking them."


    "And I suppose this Alpha has a free-for-all policy on maiming, raping, and let''s not forget murdering humans," I scoff.


    Kane''s eyes flash and his chest rumbles with a low growl. "Ama, do not disparage Alpha. Not to me. Not to anyone."


    I want to tell him to shove his loyalty up his ass and maybe make a rude comment about what I saw the night before but really, it¡¯s not crazy to want to defend your lover, even if they are a cold-hearted bastard.


    Instead, I cross my arms and say, "I wouldn''t speak ill of someone who didn''t deserve it."


    "You judge us from an outsider''s perspective."


    "What other way can I?" I ask, exasperated. "I don''t know anything. Or at least no more than the drips and dribbles I''ve gotten from Cassidy and Myra. You act like I''ve kept myself in the dark."


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    I slam my hands down on either side of me. They hit the soft bedding without the dramatic slap that I''d hoped for. "I didn''t ask to be here,¡± I continue. ¡°I didn''t choose to be here. So don''t you judge me for only seeing things from my perspective."


    Done with this conversation and his apparent need to protect fucking rapists and murderers, I do the only thing I can to dismiss him, I flop over onto my side, my back to him. "Unfortunately for you, captors don''t have the right to tell prisoners to broaden their horizons," I murmur.


    "Perhaps you''re right,¡± he concedes. ¡°My experience with humans has been limited these past years to that of the Rhinebeck s."


    "Who?" I ask, curiosity getting the better of me as I look at him over my shoulder. He says the name as if it means something to me


    "Harry and his family, Ama. Did you not know their family name?"


    "Well, no. It''s not something you just bring up when making small talk over lunch." I rub the back of my neck. It aches to begin with and craning it back to look at him isn¡¯t helping.


    I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because of my weird position or my expression but he moves around to the other side of the bed and crouches down, putting his head on level with mine. I think it¡¯s meant to be a nice gesture but it is just another reminder of how insignificant, weak, and small I am compared to them, to him.


    I feel like he is going to say something kind but ultimately bruising to my ego so I continue, "how did the whole family end up here anyway?"


    "That''s not my story to tell, Ama" he chides but there¡¯s no heat behind it.


    "Then what is yours to tell?" I counter. I must have hit my head too, considering how rash I am being after just getting the shit beat out of me.


    "Shouldn¡¯t you be resting?¡± he asks, changing the subject.


    ¡°Does a nap come with a story?¡±


    He raises an eyebrow and leans back on his heels, ¡°And what sort of story are you looking for?¡± His eyes dart around the room and I notice there¡¯s nowhere else to sit except on the floor on the bed with me.


    He doesn¡¯t seem annoyed but I am in his room, his space. ¡°Perhaps I should go to my room.¡± I hedge; he is avoiding his bed because I am in it.


    ¡°It¡¯s already been three days, another few hours won¡¯t make a difference.¡±


    Three days? I have been sleeping for days? I feel my thoughts start to spiral and Kane must notice too because he changes the subject.


    ¡°So you don¡¯t want to know more? After all that complaining?¡± His voice is neutral but I feel like I am being teased and I bristle.


    ¡°Fine. Why are Harry and his family the only other humans here?¡±


    He sighs and runs a hand through his hair making a few long strands fall into his face. ¡°Alpha prefers not to have humans on pack grounds. Females especially, since there is a greater chance of having half breeds.¡±


    ¡°Half what?


    ¡°Half-breeds. The offspring of a shifter and a human. They are usually born from human females but the opposite is not unheard of.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong with them?¡±


    ¡°Nothing per se,¡± his jaw moves as if he¡¯s chewing on his words. I wonder if he is going to tell me again that it¡¯s not something he can talk about but then he explains, ¡°They have all the strengths of shifters and none of their weaknesses. Unfortunately, they also tend to lack any control over their aggressive tendencies. They are loose cannons.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say slowly, wondering if I should be concerned. ¡°So then what about Myra and Cassidy?¡±


    ¡°An exception to the rule for the sake of Harry.¡±


    I want to ask more about Harry but I figure he will tell me again that it isn¡¯t his place to say. Instead, I ask, ¡°So then why am I here?¡±


    ¡°That is a source of much debate, Ama,¡± he replies with a sigh. Well, that doesn¡¯t make me feel any better.


    ¡°Your presence has caused quite a stir this past month. The pack was used by Harry¡¯s family but you are an unknown. Alpha did not fully foresee the consequences when he brought you back here.¡±


    ¡°So what? If I become too inconvenient you¡¯ll kill me instead?¡± I almost wish I hadn¡¯t asked because if the answer is yes there¡¯s absolutely nothing I can do about it.


    ¡°No. You would go to a different pack. One that keeps humans.¡±


    I look away and up at the ceiling. Part of me is relieved to know I wouldn¡¯t have to die but I am also angered by the news that there will never be a chance of me getting to just go home.


    ¡°So this pack doesn¡¯t have humans because of half-breeds?¡±


    ¡°In part. Humans, in general, can be difficult to resist and most would prefer not to lose control.¡±


    His eyes travel down to my bandaged legs and he murmurs, ¡°Some of us enjoy it, though.¡±


    ¡°So that¡¯s why this happened to me?¡± My voice shakes and I ball my hands into fists, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I really don¡¯t want to start crying again.


    ¡°I didn''t mean to place any blame on you, Ama.¡± His voice is soft, but his words do nothing to soothe me.


    ¡°Will it happen again? With Anil or someone else? Will this keep happening to me?¡± I try to hold it back but I can feel the pressure in my eyes. A tear escapes and rolls down the side of my face and over my ear. It is quickly followed by more. I begin to sob, loud, hard, ugly sobs.


    Every second of that night comes rushing back. All the fear, not just of Anil, but of Alpha, buries me like quicksand. I¡¯m an idiot who has been walking on the edge of a knife this whole time and acting like it¡¯s everyone else¡¯s fault, like they haven¡¯t all warned me.


    I fist the blanket and pull myself into an upright position. ¡°I can¡¯t do this,¡± I say between sobs, my chest burning. ¡°I can¡¯t feel this way anymore.¡±


    ¡°Ama, have faith.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I shout. Looking up at him through blurry vision. ¡°Don¡¯t do that again. Don¡¯t say that again. It¡¯s fucking meaningless.¡±


    He looks sad, so sad that I wonder if it¡¯s because of me or someone else.


    ¡°I can¡¯t offer you more than that.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± I quip, feeling petulant, as I furiously wipe at my face with the backs of my hands.


    ¡°Because, Ama. Because of all the reasons I''ve already said. Because of what¡¯s happened to you. I am not different from Anil, Ama.¡± He says my name like a plea.


    ¡°Ama,¡± he says again. ¡°I am not different. Do not mistake momentary kindness for genuine concern.¡± His words are a blow, mostly because they are what I have been telling myself all along.


    He stands again, towering over me as he rolls his shoulders. ¡°Alpha has ordered you to be moved to a different location, a few miles or so from the packhouse. I¡¯m supposed to take you there now. Will you go with me, Ama?¡±


    ¡°Do I have a choice?¡±


    He holds my gaze with his own, still looking so sad. ¡°No.¡±

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 11 - Its a nightmare but, its okay.

    Kane wasn¡¯t interested in using one of the ATVs, opting to carry me as he had before. I keep my face pressed against his shoulder, wishing we could¡¯ve done anything but this; the speed we are going at is making me nauseous. I changed into warmer clothing before we left but the chill air hurts as it hits my skin. Luckily, it only takes a few minutes for us to arrive.


    As he slows, I begin to pull away, not wanting to have any more contact than necessary. I recognize the house as we stop; it''s the one I saw across the lake with Harry.


    We are on the water-facing side, which is two stories of plate glass. The sliding doors on the lower level are open. From them, there''s a gravel path down the gentle slope to a dock with a small motorboat anchored there.


    Kane carries me into the house, setting me down in the living room. It''s a large open space, with most of the couches and plush armchairs facing out to the water. Off to one side is a large round table with seating for eight. The space is bright and clean, everything in white, light blue, and ash wood making it feel summery even in the autumn chill.


    I lean against the back of a plush couch and look around the rest of the space. Beyond the dinner table is an archway that leads into the kitchen. I can''t see much of it from here but I''m betting it''s as luxurious as the rest of what I''m seeing.


    Across from the sliding doors is a hallway. I shift forward and crane my neck to look down it. Straight ahead is a large front door and to the left and right of it are doorways - the one on the right probably leading back to the kitchen. There¡¯s also a staircase just before the door to the kitchen.


    It''s not anywhere near as large as the packhouse but it''s nicer than anywhere I¡¯ve ever stayed.


    "There are three bedrooms upstairs. I''ll show you," Kane¡¯s voice breaks the quiet, startling me. He reaches down to slip an arm under my knees but I stop him with a hand on his shoulder.


    ¡°I want to walk." I don''t want to be close to him or anyone else right now. He respects my request and steps over to my right side, holding out his elbow and allowing me to use him as my crutch.


    "I''ll bring all your things later today," he murmurs. I guess he can tell how much it pains me to need to rely on him like this.


    We take the stairs one step at a time and end up on a square landing. Directly in front of us is a door. To the right and left are two more, each leading to a different bedroom. Kane will be here as well so I don¡¯t want to be in the middle one. I turn and lead us to the one on the left.


    He opens the door for me and I am floored by how beautiful the space is. The western wall is a sheet of glass that looks out over the water.


    On the opposite wall is a set of sliding glass doors. Through them, I can see a walk-in closet with more space than I could ever use. Beyond that is another set of sliding doors, these ones frosted and leading into the bathroom.


    The room itself is simple. There''s a giant bed in the center and a small desk and chair against the glass. The soft blues and greens make the space seem like an extension of the forest and lake just beyond.


    As with the packhouse, I don''t see a phone or TV.


    "Is it to your liking?" Kane asks, his voice soft like he¡¯s afraid of scaring me again.


    I nod and he walks me over to the bed. When we reach it, I finally let go of him. I crawl into it, dragging myself up to the pile of pillows at the top, and then flop face-first into the softness.


    I¡¯ve barely spoken to him since we left his bedroom at the packhouse. I¡¯m not mad at him - I just have nothing to say.


    "You can take the bandages off whenever you want. The wounds are closed." From the direction and closeness of his voice, I can tell he''s still standing at the edge of the bed but, I make no effort to acknowledge him.


    After an awkward silence, he finally gets the message and leaves, closing the door softly behind him.


    I hadn''t expected anything this nice when he told me I was being sent away. I thought it would be some ramshackle cabin in the woods, not one of the guest houses Harry had told me about. I guess it''s supposed to be a kind gesture from Alpha but it means nothing to me. It¡¯s just another place in this forest that I can''t escape from.


    I don''t remember falling asleep but when I wake, the sun has set and the room is illuminated only by the lights on the back porch and the path to the dock.


    It''s just bright enough that when I sit up, I can make out the shape of my crutch and prosthetic propped against the wall by the door. Next to them is a packed duffle bag, a large brown coat resting on top.


    Without anything nearby to help me, I end up sliding down on the floor and scooting over to my things. Inside the bag are the clothes I''ve been given, the clothes I was kidnapped in, and the sweatshirt Kane had given me a few days prior, though that seems like a lifetime ago.


    I grab a pair of underwear and his sweatshirt and pull myself up using the crutch.


    The bathroom has both a tub and a shower stall. Not wanting to try to climb in, I opt for the stall. Removing the bandages is easy. I was sure they would stick to my skin but they fall to the floor without much resistance. In the full-length mirror, I twist to look and see twin sets of puckered lines running down the length of both my thighs. The lines are thick but clean, demonstrating just how sharp Anil¡¯s claws were.


    But these look like injuries from months prior, not a few nights ago. The magical spit I¡¯d gotten before for the bruises on my face is the most likely culprit of this abnormal healing speed but I don''t want to think about who licked up and down my thighs.


    A quick shower makes me feel slightly more human and as I crawl back into the bed, wearing the clothing I''d pulled out, I make a promise to myself. I¡¯m not going to get swept up in the craziness around me anymore. I am going to be smart and clear-headed and figure out how to get out of here alive.


    Even after sleeping most of the day, I fall asleep again almost as soon as I am under the covers.


    I look over just in time to see my sister stuff a handful of french fries into her mouth with a gleeful smile.


    I snort and look back at the road. "If you choke and die, I''m not pulling over," I say with mock seriousness.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I can hear the offense in her tone but her words are lost to the potatoes protruding from her mouth.


    "I swear to the Lord on high, if you spew potatoes all over my new car, I''m going to push you out and I won''t even stop. I''ll just slow down."


    She chews vigorously and swallows hard. "You''re a lot meaner when Mom''s not here."


    I glance back over at her and stick out my tongue. She does the same before reaching for my phone to change the song on Spotify.


    My gaze flicks between the road and what she¡¯s doing, trying to see what song she chose before mentally slapping myself for not focusing on the road. Granted we are kind of in the middle of nowhere but that¡¯s not an excuse, especially this time of year. This is the first time my Mom had let me drive Nia and myself to visit Dad.


    It¡¯s a three-hour drive to Rhode Island but she has done it every month without fail for the past 10 years so Nia and I could have some semblance of a relationship with our dad.


    Now that I''ve gotten my car as a college graduation present, courtesy of my dad trying to make up for years of absentee parenting, I''ve convinced Mom to let me do it. It has always seemed a bit unfair that she¡¯s put in all that effort - I don¡¯t think dad has ever made the trip.


    Technically, I don''t need to go anymore and haven''t needed to since I turned 18, but Mia loves going together and I feel like I''ll be letting her down if I stop. I guess it¡¯s lucky for both of us that I''ve decided to stay local.


    My phone rings, cutting off the song, and Nia answers it. Connected to the car¡¯s Bluetooth, a voice blares through the stereo before I reach over to turn it down.


    ¡°Hey, Dad. Yeah, we can hear you.¡±


    He sounds excited. ¡°Great, great. You guys aren¡¯t going to believe it. I didn¡¯t think it would be cold enough but the lake has completely frozen over.¡±


    I can feel the excitement radiating off of Nia as she bounces up and down and asks giddily, ¡°Can we go ice skating?¡±


    Dad laughs and replies, ¡°That¡¯s the plan. I¡¯m going to rent us some skates. What size are you guys?¡±


    I rattle off the numbers and he says he¡¯ll have everything ready for when we arrive and then hangs up. I smile to myself as the music comes back on. This is a pretty typical Dad thing to do - he¡¯s always been good at the grand gestures. He¡¯s a nice guy, there¡¯s no denying that. He and mom both said they just couldn¡¯t make each other happy anymore, not that either had done something. Then again, isn''t that what all parents say.


    But, Dad seems to genuinely want to do things that make Nia happy. I think he sometimes overcompensates by trying to be the fun dad, but neither of them is complaining so I just go along with it.


    I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, letting my thoughts drift until I realize Nia has purposely put on a song I hate. She is staring at the side of my face, waiting for me to notice.


    "Mmm oh yeah, terrible song. Betrayal." I try to sound hurt but she just huffs and goes back to looking out the window, still eating her fries but at a more respectable pace.


    I look over at her and can¡¯t help but smile. Her wavy brown hair is up in pigtails with the girliest, sparkliest scrunchies known to man. The only thing we have in common is our hair. The rest of her looks just like our mom, tan and willowy, with bright blue eyes and the cutest button nose.


    I have a silly, minor obsession with how cute both of their noses are. I chuckle and think about how it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve annoyed her by tweaking her nose. I reach over while her back is still turned to me, hoping to catch her by surprise.


    At that moment, I prove all of my mother''s concerns correct as a truck driving the opposite way hits a patch of black ice, swerves into oncoming traffic, and hits my little four-door sedan at full speed.


    My eyes fly open as I rip away the covers and gulp in lungfuls of air. The cold night air hits my sweat-soaked skin, and I realize someone has a hand on both of my shoulders, gently shaking me.


    ¡°Ama? It¡¯s okay. You¡¯re having a nightmare. It¡¯s okay.¡±


    Even in the dark, I can make out the shape of his face, the sharp line of his jaw, the delicate curve of his mouth. His hair is loose and falls over his shoulders like an inky cloak.


    As I look at him, my body begins to tremble. The final image plays over and over in my mind¡¯s eye - the side of the truck right before the impact.


    Kane sighs and pulls me towards him. He lifts me like I weigh nothing and I¡¯m wedged against his side as he holds me firmly.


    ¡°It was a dream Ama. You don¡¯t need to say anything. You don¡¯t need to talk about it. But, it¡¯s not happening, not now at least.¡± He tucks my head under his chin, his arms loosely around me.


    His warmth and his embrace are so comforting that I can¡¯t help but relax into him. He holds me, not doing anything but keeping me pressed into him for a long time. He doesn¡¯t ask any questions or stroke me, which I¡¯m sure would bring up bad memories from my night with Anil. As I begin to calm down, I realize that I¡¯m grateful to not be alone with my thoughts.


    When I finally feel like I can breathe normally again, I gently push away from him and he lets go without any resistance. I scoot back on the bed enough to be able to look at him.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± my voice cracks, throat sore. I look down and realize that all I¡¯m wearing are panties and his sweatshirt. I quickly tuck my legs under the covers.


    He nods in acknowledgment and when he shifts on the bed I wonder if he¡¯s going to leave. I begin to panic, not wanting to be alone again, not wanting to sleep. The promise I¡¯d made to myself before falling asleep is thrown to the wind.


    But he doesn''t leave. Instead, he turns and slides back until he is beside me, sitting up with his back against the headboard.


    ¡°Would you finally like that story before your nap?¡± He asks, referencing our conversation earlier in his room.


    I snort, the tiniest of smiles quirking my lips up. ¡°Yeah, okay.¡±


    ¡°I thought a lot about what you said before, about only seeing things from your own perspective. There¡¯s a story I''d like to share with you and I want to tell it right, so it will take a while. Is that alright?¡±


    I don¡¯t want to say that I¡¯d rather he talk all night than leave me alone, so instead, I shrug and nod, ¡°Sure, so long as it¡¯s good.¡±


    I settle in, pulling the blankets back over me, and close my eyes, ready to listen.


    ¡°It¡¯s about a woman named Sute Owari. I¡¯m not sure what is taught in schools these days about the Japanese coming to the U.S. I¡¯m sure you know about the wave of Chinese immigrants who built the railroads in blood?¡±


    It sounds like he is asking a question but I don¡¯t know if I am meant to answer.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I answer slowly, trying to remember what I¡¯d learned in my U.S. History class almost a decade ago. I turn on my side and look up at him. ¡°In the 1800s a lot of Chinese young men came to the U.S. and ended up being worked to death on the transcontinental railroads.¡±


    He nods curtly in confirmation. ¡°Towards the end of the 1800s, the Chinese Exclusion Act barred any emigration from China for 10 years.¡± He pauses for a long moment, and I¡¯m wondering why I am getting a history lesson as a preamble for this story, considering this was all over 100 years ago.


    ¡°The Chinese Exclusion Act kept being extended and by 1904 the extension was made indefinite. However, during the same time, a significantly smaller number of Japanese came over. Like the Chinese before them, the Japanese were segregated into Japanese communities within larger urban communities. The Japanese were not afforded equal rights or equal opportunities.¡±


    His voice has grown softer, more introspective, and I wonder why this all seems to mean a lot to him personally. I close my eyes again, waiting.


    ¡°But even so, they were still able to come over until the Immigration Act of 1924 which blocked Japanese immigration completely. Shortly before it was passed, in 1919, a beautiful young woman was married off to a man who had only ever seen a picture of her. Her family said it was what was best for her. It was her chance to go to the Americas. They thought that she would come upon economic prosperity, and would send back money to them in Japan. She was fourteen when she arrived on a pier looking for the twenty-something-year-old in the picture she held, only to be met by a man more than thirty years her senior.¡± Kane goes silent again and I crack an eye open, wondering if he¡¯s drifted off.


    I¡¯m about to ask if he would rather not tell me about this when he shakes his head and sighs. ¡°No, I don¡¯t think that was the right way to start. Let me start at the very beginning instead.¡±

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 12 - Half-stories and unclear intentions

    ¡°Sute was named by superstition. Her name meant ¡®foundling¡¯. She was not a foundling but it was an old custom. When several children in succession die shortly after birth, tradition dictated that the next child be exposed, left out to die. Of course, they did not actually want to lose another child so families would have someone of non-kin take the child out and leave them in a nearby field and then pay a stranger to find and bring the child back, claiming it was a foundling. It was supposed to thwart whatever evil spirit had killed the previous children.


    ¡°Sute was born, left out in a field, and promptly returned to her family within a day. It was an unusual birth for an equally unusual woman. Sute was the youngest of nine siblings, all of whom lived in a beautiful complex in the foothills of the mountains. Her father was a very minor lord, who did not think himself above his farmers and instilled a strong work ethic in his children. Even his daughters were taught more than the womanly arts.¡±


    I try to hold it in but I end up snorting. When he doesn¡¯t continue, I crack an eye open to see him looking down at me, an eyebrow arched.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I murmur, ¡°just your choice of words with ¡®womanly arts¡¯. So she was well educated for the times then?¡±


    ¡°Yes, she was. And the first twelve years of Sute¡¯s life passed in peace but, when her father became ill, the family fell on hard times. Then, as if in answer, a letter arrived with a marriage proposal. A son of a nearby family had made his fortune in the Americas, the letter said, and he was in need of a wife. After speaking with the man¡¯s family, Sute¡¯s oldest brother agreed to the marriage, and Sute was given a year to prepare before going to meet her soon-to-be-husband.


    ¡°Her third brother was meant to go with her but, at the last minute she ended up going alone. Sute did not know what awaited her. All she had was a photo of the man with his name scrawled across the back.¡±


    I don¡¯t mean to, but again, I interrupt him with a groan. ¡°Sorry, sorry. It¡¯s hard to listen to things that seem stupidly outdated.¡±


    ¡°I can concede that by the standards of today the marriage of a young girl is¡­immoral.¡±


    Pushing myself up into a sitting position, all thoughts of sleep abandoned, I ask, ¡°Did she find the man?¡±


    ¡°Yes. She was promised that he would be waiting for her when she arrived and he kept that promise, though it was clear that the photo was more than a few years old. For a man in his 40¡¯s Mr. Ahane was well-built from a life of manual labor, first in the plantations of Hawaii, then along the railroads of the northwest, and finally in his homestead outside of the growing town of Seattle, where a sizable number of Japanese families had settled.


    ¡°Mr. Ahane took Sute back to his home and married her in the village¡¯s small church, though neither was Christian. They lived together dutifully as husband and wife, and though Mr. Ahane was a man of few words, he never spoke an unkind one to Sute.


    ¡°Still, Sute began to worry as years passed and she still had not had a child. Yet, even without having one, Mr. Ahane continued to send home money to her family in Japan and continued to provide and treat her with care. Their small farm was doing well and Sute had grown close with the other women in the village. In fact, Sute would even admit to happiness. She began to teach the children of the village, passing down all that she had been lucky enough to learn. Mr. Ahane was not a particularly learned man but he could, read, write, and speak in English and so he taught Sute and she, in turn, taught the woman and children of the village.¡± Kane pauses and smiles. It¡¯s just a soft turn of his lips but I haven¡¯t seen him look so wistful before like he has a fondness for the characters in his story. As if catching himself, he shakes his head and sighs, his expression returning to its usual neutrality.


    ¡°One night, almost five years after she arrived to the Americas, Mr. Ahane came home drunk. Sute had heard stories from the other woman about how men would hit or even force themselves onto their wives and she was afraid. But, Mr. Ahane sat at the table and began to weep. With his head in his hands, he told Sute of an accident he had suffered years ago on the plantation. It was an injury that he now believed had left him unable to produce a child. For a man to admit such a thing was unheard of and Sute held him close and comforted him.


    ¡°Their lives continued on - amicably, childless, but not unhappily. It wasn¡¯t until more than ten years after their marriage when Mr. Ahane fell from his horse and broke his leg that¡­ things changed. The village doctor sent Sute out into the forest to find barks used for pain relief. She went without question and was on her way back when she ran into a group of men.¡±


    Kane must sense my alarm because he looks over at me. I meet his gaze, my eyes wide. Running into a group of men in the forest can never end well. I¡¯m not sure I want to know anymore, considering what I¡¯ve only just experienced myself. I feel my lower lip begin to tremble and suck it in. I don¡¯t want to fall apart.


    He scans my face and sighs, standing up. ¡°I apologize, Ama. I misjudged. This was not the right time.¡±


    He doesn¡¯t wait for me to reply as he leaves, shutting the door behind him. I stare after him for a while, my mind in a jumble. When it becomes clear that he isn¡¯t going to come back, I flop back onto the bed with a groan. Perhaps because I slept most of the day or perhaps because I can¡¯t seem to silence my thoughts, but as the sun begins to rise over the lake I finally get up; there¡¯s no point in trying to go back to sleep now.


    I take my time putting on my prosthetic and getting dressed. I only have my uniform but the long black shirt and sturdy black pants are warm and comfortable. I wasn¡¯t going to but, right before leaving I pull back on the sweatshirt, not too proud to admit it¡¯s started to become something of a security blanket.


    I amble into the living room, anxious at the fact that I can¡¯t seem to find Kane, when I spot him sitting on the terrace.


    He looks relaxed in only a t-shirt and sweats, despite the fact that it¡¯s not far from freezing this early in the day. His left ankle is crossed over his right knee, his elbow resting on it. He holds a book in one large hand, balancing it on his palm with ease.


    I look down at my own hand and form it similarly; there¡¯s no way I¡¯d be able to support the weight of it. The normalcy of the thought makes me laugh, a sound that must carry out to him because his head snaps up and around.


    Our eyes meet and I immediately drop my hand to my side as if I¡¯ve been caught doing something I shouldn¡¯t. He looks at me a moment longer before his posture relaxes again and he turns back to his book.


    I take a deep breath, calming my nerves. I walk out onto the terrace and wrap my arms around myself to ward off the morning chill.


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    The book looks like it¡¯s not the same one he was reading before but I can¡¯t see the cover and am too far away to make out any of the words. The easy way would be to ask but I can¡¯t seem to bring myself to. Instead, I turn towards the lake and watch as a bird swoops down, skimming the surface.


    ¡°You should put on something heavier if you plan to stay out here for long,¡± he says without looking up from his book. With his thumb, he turns the page and continues reading.


    ¡°What about you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t require much,¡± he replies.


    I turn back to face him. He doesn¡¯t look like he¡¯s cold in only a t-shirt and I feel like a nagging mother with that whole ¡®put on a sweater, looking at you makes me cold¡¯ routine.


    His hair is pulled back but shorter strands have fallen out of the ponytail and are now tucked behind his ear. The ends curl up and frame his jaw. I know that I am blatantly admiring him but I¡¯d be an idiot if I couldn¡¯t admit that he is incredibly attractive, but that doesn¡¯t mean I like it.


    Perhaps, I really have gone crazy though because I can¡¯t help but wonder what it might have been like if I were to meet him under entirely different circumstances. What if we had met in the woods but he had just been on a hike and we¡¯d walked a trail together and spoken and laughed. But, that is more ridiculous than the fantasy of escaping.


    I feel anger, despair, and a pang of desire as I continue to study the side of his face


    ¡°Your emotions are palpable and feed into my own. Please stop.¡± His voice breaks me out of my trance.


    ¡°Another reason the pack prefers not to have humans around?¡± I ask, clearing my throat. I¡¯m not going to admit to any of it even though he clearly already knows.


    ¡°One among many,¡± he replies absently. His thoughts are clearly elsewhere as he stands, closes the book, and begins to walk away. ¡°I must go back now but I will return before night. Please stay in the house.¡±


    I watch him walk along the bank of the lake in the direction of the packhouse until he disappears into the trees.


    I do take his words seriously but after the rest of the morning inside reading, I can¡¯t resist venturing out for a bit. It¡¯s midafternoon and the sun glints off the water in streaks of dazzling gold. The house is right on the lake, after all, and I doubt he meant I couldn¡¯t go onto the grass just outside.


    I lean against a nearby tree, my arms wrapped around me for a bit of extra warmth against the cool breeze that blows off the lake.


    As I look out over the lake thinking of my last misadventure here, I feel a bizarre desire to jump in. The water is probably frigid and I can¡¯t swim well anymore but the idea of plunging in and disappearing below the still water is tempting. In college, I did a few polar bear swims in the winter so I¡¯m not afraid of the cold and I know that there will be such peace below the surface.


    I can¡¯t help but stray back to Kane¡¯s story. I still don¡¯t know exactly what happened but I¡¯m certain it¡¯s horrifying. Perhaps the story and its woes are just that to him, a story, but it feels like an open wound to me; one that is not my own and that I do not want to carry.


    I walk to the end of the dock and undress quickly before slipping into the water. It¡¯s as cold as I imagined and while I thought I was prepared for the shock, the icy water on my skin is almost unbearable.


    It¡¯s just shallow enough for me to stand and I know that it was foolish of me to have gone in in the first place but the frigid water clears my senses.


    I hold onto the beam of the dock, the algae slick beneath my fingers. I feel elation, a sort of giddy insanity spreading over me. I begin to shiver and look down at the water as droplets hit its surface.


    ¡°Ah,¡± I reach up and touch my cheeks and hot, fat droplets roll down them. The elation fades and my chest heaves. I have been kidnapped, abused, almost raped, and now feel even the barest hint of kinship with one of my captors.


    Anil¡¯s face flashes through my mind and I cry out. I push out away from the dock but not further into the lake. I float off to the side, and then paddle a bit closer to the shore, still in clear view of the house. No one will come here, Kane assured me, but what if he does?


    I plunge underwater and hold my breath as long as I can, trying to find the peace I am so desperate for. But I can¡¯t stay under for more than a few seconds before coming back up for air. Looking back to the shore, I have the fright of my life at the sight of a man standing on the bank. Luckily, my heart attack is short-lived when I see that it¡¯s Kane. He¡¯s holding a paper bag under one arm and he doesn¡¯t look pleased.


    ¡°I smelled your fear and thought something had happened. I see against all better judgment you¡¯ve gone and done it again.¡±


    When I don¡¯t move he raises his voice, ¡°Come out, please!¡±


    My teeth are already chattering as I cover my chest though I am still up to my shoulders in the water. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°What do you¡­¡± I can¡¯t see his face clearly but I get a distinct impression that the light bulb has gone off. This situation is all too familiar for us both. But rather than walking to the end of the dock to pull me up as he did before, instead, he puts down what he¡¯s carrying and starts to wade into the water fully clothed.


    ¡°What the hell are you doing?¡± I yell. I want to get away but I¡¯m afraid of going out beyond where I can stand.


    ¡°Here,¡± he says when he is hip-deep and only a few feet away. He takes off his t-shirt and tosses it to me. It lands on my head and as I lift it up to peer out from underneath he says gruffly, ¡°Put it on. Then I can carry you out.¡±


    I hastily shove my head through and then push it down below the water as it floats up around me. I hold it with one hand and pull it down until it reaches mid-thigh.


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to carry me,¡± I retort, pushing off with one foot and trying to propel myself around him.


    He ignores me and blocks my path. The heat radiating off of him is almost enough to stop my shivering.


    ¡°Am I stifling your independence?¡±


    ¡°Yes, exactly. Please let me do this one thing myself.¡±


    He crosses his arms and doesn¡¯t move. ¡°You''re going to freeze.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d already be back to the house by now if you weren¡¯t in the way,¡± I quip.


    I look up at him and for the first time in his presence, I feel a stirring in my stomach. It¡¯s similar to what I¡¯ve felt around Alpha but it doesn¡¯t feel nearly as unpleasant. My cheeks turn red as I think that it¡¯s more likely my own attraction than anything he¡¯s projecting onto me. After all, I¡¯m fairly certain I am not his type.


    He breathes in deeply, and exhales, his eyes darkening. ¡°Do you know how you smell right now?¡±


    I shake my head, bewildered and embarrassed.


    ¡°You smell like you¡¯re in heat. I told you to keep your feelings in check. I told you I am no different,¡± he growls before closing the distance between us. I should be terrified, but I¡¯m not afraid as he lifts me up. My arms wrap around his neck, my legs instinctively locking around his hips. His hands caress my back, and his breath is ragged against my skin. He growls, long and low, and I feel a fire pool in my belly.


    But then, still holding me up, he turns and walks back to shore. He does not stop when we get there but, instead, turns and walks us up the dock until we are next to my discarded clothes and crutch. We stand there in silence, his chest heaving and my face buried in the crook of his neck until he murmurs, ¡°Let go, Ama.¡±


    I release my grip, sliding down his body to the ground. I pick up my clothing and towel, not bothering to dry off as he bends down and grabs my crutch. He wordlessly holds it out and I snatch it, holding my clothing and prosthetic to my chest and keeping the towel tightly wrapped around me.


    Neither of us says anything as we walk back to the house. I am about to go up to my room, leaving a wet trail through the house, when Kane says, ¡°Haden, I didn¡¯t expect you until tomorrow.¡±


    I look around, not sure who he is talking to, as a man walks out of the kitchen, holding a glass of water. I then look down at the puddle I am standing in and the fact that I¡¯m barely dressed in Kane¡¯s soaked, clinging shirt. So much for even a modicum of modesty.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 13 - Your anger is justified

    Haden and Kane greet each other, walking back into the kitchen. I can hear their voices but can¡¯t make out anything they are saying.


    I stand in my ever-growing puddle, wondering if it¡¯s okay for me to just leave. I start to walk towards the stairs when Kane pokes his head around the archway and commands, ¡°Ama, come here.¡±


    ¡°Can I change first?¡±


    His expression hardens as he looks me over and sighs, ¡°Normally that would be best but Haden is here to check your wounds.¡±


    They weren''t wounds anymore. They were barely scars, all things considered. I chew on my lip, debating if it''s worth it to argue and decide against it. I drop my belongings on a chair and walk over and into the kitchen.


    Haden is leaning against the island at the center, his arms folded loosely across his chest; he cuts an imposing figure as he stands a head taller than even Kane though he is far leaner. He has a large bushy beard so dense and unkept that I can''t see his lips.


    His dislike of humans is evident as he regards me with distaste. ¡°Your lack of attire makes this quicker. Turn around.¡±


    I bristle at his sharp tone but do as ordered. Turning my back to someone so hostile has my fight or flight instincts in overdrive. Kane steps in front of me as if he thinks I may bolt out the door. He''s close enough that I can feel the heat radiating off him, though we aren''t touching.


    I try not to think about the fact that moments prior I had wrapped myself around him like a koala. I feel my face heat and look down at my toes.


    Harden¡¯s gruff voice brings me back to the present. ¡°It looks fine. Don''t even know why he had me come here. Though why''d you waste your time to heal one of them is beyond me, Kane. I don''t even know how you can stomach touching it.¡±


    I know that I am the ¡®it¡¯ and though I knew he hated humans, I wasn''t prepared for him to be so outright about it. It¡¯s clear why Alpha had asked if it had been Haden or Anil who¡¯d hurt me; Haden also seem to have no qualms about harming a human.


    Kane clears his throat and seemingly ignores the jab. ¡°If she doesn''t require your attention then there''s no need for you to stay longer,¡± he says in a level tone.


    Haden makes a strangled sound something between a growl and a laugh. ¡°What a waste of pack resources and with your healing almost as potent as Alpha¡¯s.¡±


    I don''t hear Haden move but when the front door slams shut hard enough to make me flinch, I know he''s left. I look up at Kane who is gazing over my head towards where Haden was. Sensing my eyes on him Kane looks down at me, his expression guarded. ¡°It''s good you are fully healed.¡±


    Has he been worried about it? Part of me wants to believe that but I push that partway down and frown. ¡°Do all of you just arbitrarily hate humans?¡±


    I think back to the unfinished story of Sute. Clearly, those men in the forest were Shifters and were going to do something terrible to her.


    ¡°It''s more complicated than that,¡± he grumbles in reply.


    ¡°Enlighten me, then.¡±


    Maybe it''s my tone or the fact that he''s realized anew that I''m standing half-naked in his soaked t-shirt, but his expression darkens as he scans me and replies, ¡°You should change now.¡±


    ¡°That''s it?¡±


    ¡°What''s it?¡±


    ¡°Why''d he come to check on me if he''d rather me dead. He was ordered to?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    I stare up incredulously, waiting for him to continue but when it''s clear that he has no intention to, I scoff, ¡°God, and why didn''t you just let me die then? Haden said it was you who helped me.¡±


    If I''d understood correctly, from Haden¡¯s comment, it was Kane who had healed me. Some part of my mind melted at the knowledge that it probably meant he¡¯d been licking my thighs but I brush that aside and scowl up at him.


    ¡°You''d rather be dead, Ama?¡± his harsh tone and the directness of the question catch me off guard. The brave face I¡¯ve put on waivers. I don''t know what he sees, but something in my expression causes him to look away and clear his throat.


    ¡°Haden¡¯s mate was killed almost seventy years ago. The human hunters had probably never seen a creature so big. She¡¯d been out hunting herself. It''s hard but not unheard of for human weapons to take one of us down. They killed her and took their trophies. Haden found her beheaded and skinned a few hours later.¡±


    My stomach rolls and I cover my mouth as bile rises up my throat. I cannot begin to imagine that horror. I believe that ¡®mate¡¯ must be something similar to ¡®wife¡¯ so the fact that he had found his wife¡¯s body in such a mangled state¡­


    I stumble back and run over to the sink, emptying the contents of my stomach there. I turn back to look at Kane as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. He hasn¡¯t moved but is watching me closely.


    It hits me then that he said 70 years ago. ¡°How old is Haden?¡±


    Kane shrugs, ¡°I¡¯d venture around 150, give or take a few years.¡±


    My eyes bug at the number; the man doesn¡¯t look more than 50. Kane sees my surprise and continues, ¡°Shifters live a long time. Not forever, but long enough. Well, assuming nothing kills them.¡±


    I raise an eyebrow and turn back to the sink to rinse out my mouth. When I¡¯m finished, I sigh, ¡°Well I¡¯ve seen your healing abilities with my own eyes. You werewolves are pretty resilient.¡±


    Stolen novel; please report.


    He snorts a sound that is so uncharacteristic for him. ¡°We are hardly werewolves. If anyone else heard you say that, they would be highly insulted.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t that basically what you are?¡± I ask, a shiver suddenly running up my spine. Standing here in just a wet shirt is starting to make me cold.


    ¡°No, actually. Werewolves are something else,¡± he replies, walking towards me.


    ¡°Wait, what?¡± I ask as he takes me by the elbow and steers me towards the stairs. I am grateful for the change in topic. I don¡¯t want to think about Haden or the horrific death of his wife.


    His lips quirk up but he doesn¡¯t stop or look down as he guides me up the stairs. ¡°It¡¯s a bit like you saying that a donkey and a horse are the same. Or a lion and a tiger, or perhaps better a dog and a wolf. They are certainly similar, they can even breed together, but they are not the same.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to need more than that!¡± I exclaim, for once actually interested in all this Shifter stuff. As we reach the second floor, I ask ¡°Are you the dogs or the wolves?¡±


    This time he stops and looks down at me. Though his face is serious his eyes are dancing. ¡°The wolves..err, werewolves are¡­ normal compared to shifters.¡±


    I cock my head to the side. I¡¯m pretty sure we can both agree that neither is normal. I open the door to my room and walk in. I haven¡¯t moved the clothes from the bag by the door.


    Kane comes in after me and before I can even attempt, he lifts the bag off the ground and deposits it on the bed.


    Turning back to me, he explains, ¡°They look like normal humans, and when they transform they look like normal wolves. In either state, you would not suspect them to be anything abnormal. In that way, they blend into society far better but that¡¯s also made them increasingly rare.¡±


    ¡°So they live in, like, cities?¡± I ask, walking over to the bed and pulling out a change of clothes.


    ¡°Probably more like small towns to have better access to rural areas for hunting but yes, with humans. But the gene is recessive so they¡¯ve become increasingly rare after so many centuries of cross-breeding with humans.¡±


    I think he can feel my growing fascination because he holds up his hands in surrender. ¡°If you want a lesson on werewolf genetics you¡äd be better off asking the doc.¡±


    Just the thought of Haden makes me cringe; I¡¯d almost succeeded in pushing all thoughts of him out of my mind. ¡°No, that¡¯s alright. But that¡¯s interesting to know.¡± I press, wanting to continue with this line of questioning, ¡°So werewolves and humans more often than not just make more humans. What about werewolves and shifters?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve never met one. We don¡¯t tend to mix. Most shifters see them as an inferior version.¡±


    ¡°And yet shifters will mate with humans,¡± I mutter, thinking back to his explanation on half-breeds.


    ¡°Yes, well, those are rarely consensual and often short-lived.¡±


    I look down at the clothing in my hands and sigh. His words remind me of yet another story I¡¯ve heard recently and should probably now hear the rest of it. All Kane seems to have are horrible stories.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to change. Can you wait here? I want to hear the rest of Sute¡¯s story.¡±


    He nods and moves over to lean on the wall by the bed as if it hasn¡¯t occurred to him to sit down. I shake my head and quickly change into dry clothing. I come back out with a towel wrapped around my head and sit on the side of the bed.


    ¡°So¡­ Sute went into the woods and was caught by some men, or shifters, I¡¯m guessing?¡±


    Kane nods his head and begins again, ¡°The leader liked what he saw and took her and kept her and raped her.¡± He pauses for a moment, his expression growing stormy. I hold my breath watching him. Clearing his throat he continues, now staring ahead and reciting it like a story he has memorized.


    ¡°After two months of an endless nightmare, Sute was prepared to take her own life when the shifter smelled a change in her; she was pregnant with his child. He might have let her kill herself otherwise but the half-blood in her womb was of value to the Beta of the pack. It would help him secure his place.


    ¡°So Sute was kept under close watch until she gave birth and almost died in the process. She was allowed to keep her child and she raised that child in the pack, all the while being treated like dirt. But, she protected that child, shielded him from the hate so he had no way of knowing. He never knew the hurt or hate she endured for those five years with the pack. And then one day she left with him. She had convinced the Beta to let her son learn of the outside world, saying it would make him more valuable. So he granted her five years to let the boy learn before returning.


    ¡°With the boy by her side she made her way back to Mr. Ahane and Mr. Ahane welcomed them. He asked no questions and cared for the boy as his own. Mr. Ahane was truly a good man. But the years of Sute¡¯s absence had not been kind to him. His leg never fully healed and he was often ill. Two years after their return, Mr. Ahane passed.


    ¡°If that were not enough, shortly before the boy¡¯s eighth birthday, in response to the Japanese attack at Peral Habor, Sute and her son, along with the rest of their friends and neighbors, were taken away to a camp.¡± Kane suddenly stops, his voice has softened to almost a whisper by the end. I look up from staring at my lap and see his eyes are closed.


    I remember learning about the Japanese internment camps in World War 2. How they were forced from their homes, made to abandon their whole lives, and when they were finally freed, most had nothing to return to. I wonder if that¡¯s the end of the story but I am curious to know. I want Sute to have a happier ending. ¡°What happened to her and her son after the camp?¡± I ask.


    ¡°She died. Her suffering was too great, and she couldn¡¯t hold on any longer. So, Ama, I understand your hatred. It¡¯s deserved.¡± He pushes off the wall and stands in front of me. He is towering over me but I¡¯m not afraid.


    His expression softens as he adds, ¡°I was young during the internment camps. She thought we would have a better life and couldn''t have known we were trading one prison for another. She couldn¡¯t have known her husband would die or we would be locked up. People she knew from before were suspicious of her after all those years away but when everyone has nothing and is forced to rely on one another, petty grieves give way or break the tenuous peace.¡±


    I can only stare up at him now. This whole time he¡¯s been talking like he was relaying a story from a book but now¡­


    ¡°She was accepted back, probably at Mr. Ahane¡¯s insistence, though I was always other, even with the kindness he afforded me. I was clearly not just Japanese and so I was part oppressor and much as oppressed.


    ¡°Even after everything, when we could finally leave, there was nothing to return to. None of the others had anything either. Our homes and businesses had been seized by the governments. Fuck, there were other families living in our homes. And after begging and pleading and fucking humiliation we ended up back with him again.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d have to be at least eighty years old,¡± I say but as soon as the words leave my mouth, I think of the fact that Haden is supposedly well over 100.


    As if the horrors he is relaying have no effect on him, he shrugs and replies evenly, ¡°I don¡¯t look at day over forty, though.¡± But there¡¯s no humor in his voice and his eyes are burning.


    I see it then - that all this rage is always there, simmering below the surface. His lip curls up and when he speaks again, his tone is flat, each word carefully chosen and spoken so as to not betray any emotion. ¡°She died a year later. She just gave up. I was eleven. I left my father¡¯s pack shortly before my twentieth birthday.¡±


    He searches my face, but I¡¯m not sure what he¡¯s looking for. He must not find it because he sighs and takes a step back. ¡°I want you to know that you are justified in your anger. Just as Haden''s is, you also have just as much of a right to hate all of us. You have been wronged and I am not blind to it though it is beyond my power to change it. But, at least for my part, I will not be the cause of any further hardship if I can help it.¡±


    He doesn¡¯t wait for me to reply as he leaves, shutting the door behind him. It was only a few days ago that he told me not to mistake momentary kindness for genuine concern and yet he seems to be showing just the opposite. No matter what he says he is not like Anil, but that does not make him any less dangerous.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 14 - Loneliness breeds embarrassment

    The next two weeks pass without note. Kane is cordial whenever we are together. Each morning, I wake up to breakfast prepared. The meal passes with only a few words exchanged, but even that is better than the silence that follows.


    He is gone for most of the day, so I¡¯ve begun to read the collection of books stored in the utility closet. They are mostly classics but a lot of them I¡¯ve never read before. Half of them are in languages I don¡¯t speak but I¡¯ve found a whole collection of Sherlock Holmes, which has been enjoyable.


    Kane returns, without fail, every evening and prepares us a meal. I¡¯ve offered the help but he tells me to sit and wait. We then eat, repeating the same stilted conversation as breakfast, before he bids me a good night and disappears again. It feels like I¡¯m alone in the house for the rest of the night but I¡¯m positive he¡¯s close by.


    The last real conversation we had was Kane essentially giving me permission to hate him, not that I need his permission to do so. But, as the days go by, I find myself growing more curious about him and his past. I know that the biggest reason for that is the loneliness that¡¯s settled over me.


    When I¡¯m not in complete silence, all I have are meaningless pleasantries. It¡¯s not that I want to be his friend. It¡¯s not that I even want his company in particular. I just know that I will start to lose my mind if this keeps up. Even now, as I sit on a couch in the living room, waiting for him to tell me dinner¡¯s ready, I want to say something, anything, that will break this awkward holding pattern we are in.


    As we sit down to eat, Kane doesn¡¯t bother to look at me or ask anything. It¡¯s not like he was particularly talkative before but, he was a lot more approachable than the rest of the Shifters - though now I think I may have been mistaken.


    Desperate for a bit of conversation, I bring up something that¡¯s been on my mind for a while. ¡°Umm, you said you¡¯re not much of an expert but I was wondering about werewolves. What about their lifespans? If they look normal, do they live normal human lives too?¡±


    He puts his fork down and studies me for a long moment. After having made up his mind about something, he shrugs and answers, ¡°Perhaps a bit longer but not by much. Again, I¡¯m no expert but they certainly do not live as long as Shifters do.¡±


    He grabs his plate and stands, clearly putting an end to the conversation. But, I¡¯m not ready to be alone again with just my thoughts. I fumble for something to say and end up blurting out, ¡°So if a human had a thing for the supernatural, then a werewolf would be a better option than a Shifter.¡± I mean it as a joke but when he looks over his shoulder and our eyes meet, I realize just how stupid I must sound.


    His answer only furthers my embarrassment as he candidly replies, ¡°I suppose that would depend on what that human was looking for. Both valid options but meant for very different purposes.¡±


    As he holds my gaze, I feel my face heat. There''s nothing I can say to backpedal out of this so I immediately look down and stare down at the table. I¡¯m sure I just made it sound like I was hoping for something from him.


    I flex my fingers as images filter through my head unbidden - the way his muscles tightened and stretched as he pulled his shirt over his head and the feel of his shoulders under my palms as he carried me out of the lake. I shake my hands out, trying the rid myself of the sensation as I recall the smooth skin over taught muscle.


    ¡°Please stop that,¡± he murmurs, breaking me out of my dizzying thoughts.


    I straighten, not sure what he means, as he looks away and heads into the kitchen. While in the kitchen, he answers my unasked question in a voice just loud enough for me to hear. ¡°Whatever you¡¯re thinking is having a noticeable effect on your scent and it is hard to ignore.¡±


    His honesty leaves me mortified; this isn¡¯t the first time I¡¯ve put us in such a situation but, at least this time we are both fully dressed and in separate rooms. Perhaps this is why he avoids me - because I¡¯m an idiot who has clearly lost my grasp on reality. When did I begin to even care about him, his life, or what he thinks?


    I remind myself that it¡¯s got nothing to do with him in particular and it¡¯s just loneliness, I take a deep breath and try to calm my singing nerves. I tell myself that it¡¯s not my fault he has an effect on me, it¡¯s just part of the nature of his species.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    He¡¯s already long since left the dining room but I murmur an apology and leave, opting to go outside instead of back up to my room. As I take a seat of the terrace, I feel his eyes on my back, burning twin holes into me. But, I don¡¯t turn around and instead make a pointed effort to look out at the lake.


    Finally, the pickling feeling goes away and I steal a look over my shoulder. He isn¡¯t there anymore. Letting out a sigh of relief, I turn back towards to lake and let out an ear-piercing scream when my view is blocked by a direct view of a man¡¯s crotch.


    ¡°Jesus!¡± I grip the front of my sweatshirt and force myself to breathe slowly.


    How he got outside without me noticing is beyond me but he¡¯s also standing way too close. And worse still, he is literally just standing there.


    We stare at each other for long enough that I end up blinking and looking away. I¡¯m not going to do something stupid staring contest with a fucking wolf - I¡¯ve long since learned that lesson. But, even that doesn¡¯t get a reaction out of him and I can¡¯t begin to fathom why he¡¯s out here in the first place.


    I can¡¯t exactly get up because to do so would make me bump into him and I don¡¯t particularly even want to talk right now. I¡¯m not sure how long we stay like that, but with every passing second, I feel my annoyance grow. Finally, I can''t stand the silence or the ridiculousness of this situation anymore and I shout ¡°For fuck¡¯s sake! I can''t tell which one is the real you.¡±


    I¡¯m surprised that he even bothers to reply, ¡°All of it, I''m afraid.¡±


    Something in my chest feels like it¡¯s wound tight enough to snap. I hate this stupid dance. I hate this back and forth. I¡¯d rather he just be all one thing or the other. I sigh and scrub a hand over my face. ¡°You¡¯re impossible. You go out of your way in some regards but are a complete jackass the rest of the time. And you didn¡¯t need to tell me that story, either. The more I learn, the harder it is. I don''t want to pity you. I¡­¡±


    ¡°And I don''t want your pity,¡± he cuts me off.


    ¡°Why would you tell me that?¡± All this anger has risen to the surface and has nowhere to go but at him. I rise and use both hands to push him away. I know it should have no impact, but he actually takes a step back. Something about that concession makes me braver than I should be given what he is.


    I jab a finger into his chest and snap, ¡°Why would you give me any help at all? You tell me I''m supposed to think of you as a monster, then you take the time to humanize yourself, and then you just completely shut down.¡± I jab him again for extra measure and huff when he doesn¡¯t respond.


    He looks down at my finger, pressed into his sternum, and then back up at me. I hate that his expression has gone soft again. ¡°I''m sorry Ama. My intention was only to make things clear. You will be safe here with me. Do not need to worry that something like before will happen again.¡±


    I can only guess by ¡®before¡¯ he means what happened in the lake soon after our arrival. I huff, letting my hand drop to my side. ¡°It¡¯s very clear to me that you can''t make that kind of promise.¡±


    He rolls his shoulders back and stands to his full height, making me realize that he had been hunched over this whole time. When he replies, his voice is back to its cool, even tone. "In this, Alpha and I are of one mind."


    I feel that pull again, the pull I''ve felt on and off before around Shifters. Every Shifter I''ve had the misfortune of being close to has had the same magnetic presence. They draw me in whether I want it or not.


    ¡°Fine,¡± I relent, bone-weary and eager to get away. Company be damned - he is the last person I should be spending time around. I feel even more like a fool for looking up at his stormy expression and wondering what it might be like to have met him under completely different circumstances.


    I stare straight ahead at his chest, hoping he will leave first.


    ¡°I¡¯m going back to the packhouse tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°You go somewhere every day.¡± I don''t mean to be dismissive but I can¡¯t imagine why he¡¯s telling me now.


    ¡°There have been¡­issues on pack lands the past few days. You can¡¯t be left alone here. While I am gone someone else will stay in the house.¡±


    I bristle and wonder if I should say that I don¡¯t need a babysitter. But what could be such a threat to a bunch of Shifters? Probably something that I am hardly equipt to handle.


    ¡°Who?¡±


    When he doesn¡¯t immediately answer I peer back up at him and can¡¯t put my finger on what I find there. Anger? Worry? Disappointment?


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure,¡± he replies slowly, dragging out the sounds as if he doesn¡¯t know what to say.


    I don¡¯t believe him but I¡¯m not going to push further. I nod and decide that if he¡¯s not going to leave then I will. I turn away, going back into the house.


    If one thing is clear, it¡¯s that this evening has cured my need for company. Whoever it is that comes by tomorrow, I doubt I¡¯ll see them since I have no plans to leave my room.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 15 - Made of glass

    I barely sleep since I don¡¯t want to wake up too late and miss my chance to eat before whoever is coming arrives. In the end, I finally give up before the sun has even risen.


    I shuffle down the stairs and grab a cup of coffee before heading into the living room. The lights are off so I don¡¯t notice that someone is sitting on the couch until they speak.


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it difficult for humans to navigate in the dark?¡±


    Not only does the question catch me off guard but the fact that I thought I was alone has me jumping out of my skin. I scream and drop the mug. As hot liquid spills over my feet, the mug shatters spectacularly all over the dining room floor.


    I jump back but my prosthetic has no traction on the wet floor and I end up falling forward, my hand coming down on a shard of ceramic.


    I hiss and clutch my hand to my chest. It¡¯s too dark to see how bad the cut is but it stings to high heaven. I¡¯m assessing the best way to get up when I am lifted up into the air.


    ¡°Fucking ridiculous,¡± the man holding me grumbles. ¡°How you¡¯ve survived this long truly is a mystery.¡±


    I want to curse them out but I¡¯m not even sure who it is. I know it¡¯s not Kane but it could be literally any other member of the pack, aside from Alpha or Anil. They carry me into the kitchen and set me down on the island.


    As they move over to the sink, they flick on the flights. I¡¯m blinded at first but as my eyes adjust, I look down at my hand and gag. A chunk of porcelain about 3 inches long is sticking straight up out of the freshly part below my thumb. I¡¯m not sure how deep it is but it looks like it¡¯s lodged in pretty well.


    I look over my shoulder and see an incredibly tall, lanky man leaning over the sink ringing out a dishtowel. When he turns around, I don''t recognize him. He¡¯s clean-shaven with a square jaw, a hooked nose, and has deep-set blue eyes partially hidden by bushy blonde brows and a set of black-rimmed square glasses.


    As I study his face, I realize I¡¯ve seen those glasses before. Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, ¡±Haden?!¡± The bearded surly doctor who told me he¡¯d prefer me dead is the person who is staying with me now?


    I press my hand closer to my chest, unsure if he¡¯s actually going to help me or just make me hurt. He¡¯d already made it clear that my suffering or dying was of no consequence to him.


    He stiffens when I shout his name and briskly walks over, grabbing my hand with enough force that I feel the bones in my wrist grind together.


    I don¡¯t even have time to scream as he yanks the piece of mug out of my hand and then immediately covers it with the cloth, applying enough pressure that I wonder if he¡¯s going to break my hand as he¡¯s trying to fix it.


    I whimper in pain and try to pull away though it¡¯s futile. His grip relaxes enough that I don¡¯t feel like I¡¯m being pulverized and he grumbles, ¡°Like fucking glass.¡± I can only assume he¡¯s referring to me¡­ in a general sense.


    I wonder if I should blame it on lack or sleep or the absurdity that my life is now, but I mumble my inner dialogue aloud, "You look so much younger without your beard".


    He only grunts in response. As we fall back into silence, I look away from him and focus on the wall above the stove. Everything in this house is so white. It¡¯s probably meant to be modern and chic but I¡¯ve always lived in places with warmth and color; everywhere here just feels sterile and cold.


    He grabs my other hand and has me press them together. ¡°Keep the pressure on,¡± Haden orders before leaving the kitchen. I do as I¡¯m told and try not to think of the last time I¡¯d had to put pressure on a wound - it had been the only other time I¡¯d seen Haden.


    Haden comes back with a bundle of gauze and a bottle of vodka. He doesn¡¯t even ask as he pulls my hand towards him again, removes the towel, and pours the alcohol all over.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I curse, desperately trying to pull away. He doesn¡¯t even attempt to dry it as he wraps the gauze tightly around before securing it with a knot at the base of my wrist.


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    He¡¯s grumbling something under his breath. I can¡¯t hear what he¡¯s saying but I know it¡¯s just more insults.


    ¡°Jesus, if you hate me so much then don¡¯t fucking help!¡± This time when I tug, he lets go. I expect more of a fight so I fall backward and catch myself on my cut hand. Pain radiates up to my shoulder and my arm gives out.


    I lay on my back, my legs still hanging off the table, and try to catch my breath. My heart is racing and I know I¡¯m a step away from hyperventilating myself into fainting. Haden doesn¡¯t help me up, not that I want him to.


    Instead, he scoffs and walks out of the room, turning the light off as he goes. The callousness of the action stills my mind.


    It''s not the first time someone has been cruel to me. I¡¯ve experienced hate in my life - the burning kinds that comes with a slap and a ''go back to your country''. I¡¯ve experienced prejudice, like assuming every Latino person is a criminal.


    And in the past few months of living in this godforsaken middle of nowhere packhouse, I¡¯ve been hurt and humiliated and abused. But there¡¯s something different about this. Haden''s is a kind of hate that¡¯s cold and indifferent, like he''d step over me if he came across me bleeding out on the street. It¡¯s so much harder to ward against.


    I roll onto my side and stare at the cabinets across from me, willing myself to be brave. Finally, I push myself up and get off the counter. My hand still throbs but I can deal with the pain.


    I am amazingly calm as I enter the living room, ready to tell Haden to go fuck himself and get out, but he¡¯s not there.


    I sit on the couch and cradle my arm to my chest. I think over the lecture I want to give him. Something like, ''Crappy things in your past don¡¯t excuse present behavior; being hurt by others doesn¡¯t give you the right to hurt in return, especially to those you have nothing to do with.''


    But, the truth is that I know that if it were me, I¡¯d be just as unwilling to forgive. After all, I hate him and he wasn¡¯t directly involved in Nia¡¯s murder either; though he¡¯s a lot closer to it than I am to the men who killed his mate decades ago.


    I resolve to say something about it when he comes back if he comes back, and he doesn¡¯t disappoint. I¡¯m nodding off on the sofa when the front door opens and shuts with a bang. Haden briskly enters the living room and stops short at the sight of me. The sun has already begun to rise and the room is bathed in the cold morning light.


    He tosses a plastic bag at me and it lands beside me on the couch. ¡°Take off the bandage, rinse the wound, and come back down so I can wrap it again.¡±


    I grab the bag with my other hand and pull it onto my lap. It¡¯s got a variety of painkillers, a tube of ointment, a bottle of Gatorade, and more gauze. I don¡¯t bother to say thanks as I take the bag upstairs and drop it on my bed.


    Unwrapping the bandage he did in the kitchen proves to be harder than anticipated. I end up tugging on the knot which only pulls on my wound. My vision blurs with tears and I growl at the fact that there¡¯s nothing to cut it off with.


    I spin around, ready to stomp back downstairs and just do it in the kitchen when I slam into another body.


    ¡°God! Must you all be so silent?¡± I shout and take a step back to put distance between us.


    He looks down at me with a less than amused expression and then pushes past me and turns on the tap.


    ¡°I¡¯ll do it.¡±


    I extend my arm and let him take it off. He¡¯s surprisingly gentle this time as he unties the knot and slowly unwinds the fabric. I keep my eyes trained on the wall, careful not to make any sound, as he cleans the wound and rebandages it.


    When he finally lets go, I muster the courage to look up at him and say thank you but the expression of disgust on his face causes the words to die in my throat. Instead, I snap, ¡°I get it, alright? Humans, bad! But seriously, you think you¡¯re so great? You¡¯re all a bunch of fucking child killers so get off your high horse, yeah?¡±


    I¡¯m so angry, that I don¡¯t even contemplate the consequences of insulting a fucking shapeshifting monster as I stalk past him and out of the bathroom. I¡¯m halfway to the bedroom door when Haden grips my forearm so hard that I¡¯m surprised the bone doesn¡¯t snap. As he spins me around, I lose my balance and my knees give out.


    As I start falling, I twist to the side so I won¡¯t land on my prosthetic and potentially break it. But, the movement has me roll my other heel painfully. Haden doesn¡¯t let go so I end up hanging by my arm, unable to get my footing.


    I claw at his hand with my free one and scream, ¡°Let me go! Fucking asshole!¡±


    He does and I drop to the floor, panting. Pain flares in my ankle and wrist. It¡¯s not even past morning and I already have three more injuries than the night before.


    When he doesn¡¯t leave or speak, I try to keep the pain out of my voice as I shout, ¡°I get it! You lost your wife. You¡¯re angry. But you don¡¯t get a free pass to treat people like shit. You think you¡¯re the only one who''s ever lost anyone?¡±


    ¡°You seem to have the misconception that a mate and your human concept of marriage are equivalents. Mates can be arranged or found through chance and born of love, but that is where the similarities end. A mate is a soul bonded to your own. Some so much so that you think as one.¡±


    I didn¡¯t expect him to say anything profound and was certain he was going to insult me again. I don¡¯t look up at him and when it¡¯s clear I¡¯m not going to say anything back, he growls and leaves me on the floor of my bedroom.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 16 - A Lesson About Mates

    I pick myself up off the floor and drag myself into bed. My ankle throbs as I curl into a ball, tucking my injured hand and wrist to my chest. I can¡¯t stop the tears as I silently curse Haden. Being around him has made me feel little, immature, and so fucking angry. Yesterday with Kane had felt like a nightmare, but now I see how much I¡¯d rather him around than anyone else.


    I eventually cry myself to sleep and only wake up when someone gently nudges me. I roll over onto my back to find Kane looming over me. He lets go of my shoulder and straightens up, clearing his throat.


    ¡°I¡¯ve prepared dinner so come down when you¡¯re ready.¡± He leaves as I rub the sleep from my eyes and assess the damage that¡¯s been done to me today. My ankle hurts more than before and I hope it¡¯s just a twist and not something that needs treatment.


    I hobble into the living room, using both my prosthetic and crutches. When Kane sees me come in, his eyes widen and he stands abruptly, knocking his chair over. He appears directly in front of me before the chair even hits the ground, gripping my arms and steering me backward towards the couch. My feet are barely touching the floor by the time he sits me down.


    ¡°What happened?¡± I can feel his eyes on me, scanning me. He grabs my hand and the pressure on my wrist makes me hiss.


    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± His eyes trained on the hand he¡¯s now cradling gingerly.


    ¡°I cut my hand and I twisted my wrist.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± He¡¯s examining the bandage as if he can see through it to the wound beneath.


    ¡°I was startled by Haden and I..¡±


    He cuts me off, ¡°Haden did this to you?¡± His voice is icy as he spits out the question. In the months that I¡¯ve known Kane, his tone rarely changes, much less his expression. But, right now he looks downright hostile.


    ¡°No!¡± I shout, pulling away. ¡°He frightened me and I fell and hurt myself.¡±


    ¡°Is that why you¡¯re limping, too?¡±


    That was more Haden¡¯s fault than the cut but I¡¯m pretty sure if I admit that he¡¯ll storm off, at least given the way he¡¯s now eyeing the back door.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I say with a nod. ¡°I fell and a mug broke. That¡¯s how I got hurt,¡± I explain calmly. Then, I think about how none of this would have happened if Haden hadn¡¯t been there in the first place and I shouldn¡¯t have to cover for the asshole even if it is to avoid further issues.


    ¡°Actually,¡± I pull my hand out of his grip, ¡°why the hell would you leave me with someone who hates humans?¡±


    Kane¡¯s gaze falls back to me and though he still has a stony expression, I know it¡¯s not directed at me. ¡°I was unaware that he would be assigned to your care.¡±


    ¡°And all this about ¡®the Alpha and I are of one mind¡¯ bullshit?¡± I ask, using air quotes with my good hand. ¡°I really wish you¡¯d pick a side and stick with it, you know.¡±


    I want to go back upstairs and sleep again. My head is starting to ache and I¡¯m not even hungry.


    ¡°I feel like a broken record. I don¡¯t want to deal with you blowing hot and cold.¡± I extract my hand from his and get up.


    He avoids my injured hand and wrist and instead grabs hold of my elbow, still on his knees. When I look down at him, he¡¯s still staring ahead at the couch.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s the best way forward. I haven¡¯t had a human in my care in decades.¡± His voice is soft but I can hear every word clearly.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to be in your care. If I¡­ If I swore to never tell anyone, couldn¡¯t you just let me leave?¡±


    ¡°Ama, I¡¯ve already explained that if we were to let you go it would just be to another pack where humans are kept.¡±


    ¡°Why can¡¯t I just go?¡± My voice has gone high and whiny. He¡¯s still holding onto my sleeve and not looking at me.


    I tug away from him and he finally shifts, on his knees, to face me. He doesn¡¯t stand and our position makes me feel like he¡¯s kneeling in front of me - it¡¯s an odd power dynamic.


    ¡°When humans are taken, it¡¯s because they¡¯ve been exposed to us, the real us. They become servants or slaves. We don¡¯t just take humans, they must see or participate in shifter activities. They are taken to keep word from getting out. There would be hell if anyone found out we had just let one go. It wouldn¡¯t only impact this pack but all packs across the world.¡±


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    I¡¯m not particularly surprised by the answer. I had pieced that much together on my own over the past few months. As he looks up at me, I feel the annoying pull I¡¯ve started to get used to and wonder if it would just be easier to give in than to keep fighting. I keep promising myself that I¡¯ll fuck them all over somehow, someday. But, it would be so much easier to just let go.


    ¡°When you left yesterday, I decided that it¡¯d just be easier to hate you, Kane. But I¡¯m tired. Really fucking tired. And there are already enough people on my shit list here so can I not?¡± I pause, biting my lip. ¡°Remember when we talked at the lake or in the laundry room? Can you be that guy again?¡±


    ¡°I can try,¡± he offers and I decide that that will have to do.


    Kane stands and helps me to the table and we eat in amicable silence. I¡¯m almost certain his whole personality is going to shift again on a dime but at least I¡¯m relatively prepared for it now.


    I watch him as he takes my plate and retreats into the kitchen. I can hear the sink as he washes the dish and leans back in my chair. If I close my eyes, the sounds of domestic life almost make it believable that I¡¯m back home.


    I wonder how Cassidy and Henry are doing. They had gotten along just fine without me before and they are family, after all. But, I could admit, if only to myself, that I¡¯d enjoyed working with Henry and Cassidy, and Mira had been nice to be around.


    Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kane stop and lean on the door frame. He crosses his arms across his broad chest and watches me without speaking.


    I sit up straight and clear my throat. Since I¡¯m not sure how long this truce will last, I decide I might as well find out more about him and the others while I can. ¡°Could you tell me something about your life? Something not horribly depressing please,¡± I ask with a smile.


    He arches a brow at the last part and I struggle to keep the smile on my face. Can he see that I¡¯m being a sneaky try-hard?


    ¡°Very well. It¡¯s not humorous but something that comes to mind is when I met Alpha. Every few years all the packs in the country convene. It¡¯s each pack''s leaders or delegates. There¡¯s a lot of drinking, fucking, partying, and a bit of business done at the conference.¡±


    I snort at the description. ¡°It sounds like Burning Man.¡±


    ¡°Not sure what that is, but perhaps. I had left my father¡¯s pack and had not yet aligned myself with another. Shifters without packs are not generally allowed on pack lands without an invitation. I was living with a small pack that did not have many males so they allowed me to stay. Through a series of odd occurrences, I ended up being the one to guard their Alpha¡¯s wife during the conference. There I met our Alpha¡¯s father and, of course, Alpha.¡±


    ¡°How long ago are we talking?¡± I ask, as a turn sideways in my chair to get comfortable. I tuck my leg under me and lean back on the armrest.


    ¡°A while. Alpha was just a scrawny teenager.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a bit hard to picture.¡± I then think about the fact that I¡¯m almost 100% sure they are in a relationship. It must be a May-December type thing then.


    ¡°So you¡¯re a bit older than he is, then?¡± I ask, hoping it seems nonchalant.


    ¡°Yes, about thirty years. Why do you ask?¡±


    My eyes dart away as I reply, ¡°No reason.¡± I know that¡¯s a tell-tale sign of lying but I can¡¯t stop myself in time.


    I can feel the weight of his stare as he tries to determine why I¡¯ve asked. ¡°Well, he was quite young then and incredibly reckless. He almost got both of us killed. Though, that is why I ended up swearing allegiance to him and joining his pack.¡±


    My eyes widen as he casually mentions yet another near-death experience as if it¡¯s the weather and doesn¡¯t bother to go into detail.


    ¡°Well?!¡± I push, ¡°Was that supposed to be the story?¡±


    Kane shrugs, ¡°Well, as I mentioned he was young and young Shifters are known for being impulsive. Whenever there are large pack gatherings, it attracts Rogue Shifters. There¡¯s always a border portal but it¡¯s not impenetrable. Rouge Shifters tend to actually be stronger than Pack Shifters. They spend a lot more time outside of their human body. It¡¯s a double-edged sword. Their animal form is significantly more powerful but they tend to lose their human sensibilities.¡±


    ¡°So they¡¯re just animals?¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t we all?¡± he muses and I think about if it¡¯s worth it to lean over and try to smack him. This more playful side of him might be just as annoying as the stoic side.


    He continues, ¡°A few rogues did get past the petrol and Liam was desperate to prove himself to his father. He went off on his own. Luckily, I wasn''t far behind. I was already patrolling close to the breach and was called for support. I was the first to arrive right as he engaged them. He did well for a kid but he would have died on his own. To be fair, even with my help we both still wouldn¡¯t have made it. But, we held on long enough for more to arrive.¡±


    ¡°And that made you decide to join him? And wait, Liam?¡±


    Kane¡¯s eyes flit away and he sighs, ¡°The Alpha of this pack¡¯s name is Liam. But he would not appreciate you using it to address him.¡±


    I nod and file that information away. I don¡¯t want to provoke Alpha, but you never know when it might come in handy.


    ¡°In retrospect, it may have been a rushed decision but I saw a future Alpha that would fight for his pack and I wanted that for myself.¡± He straightens and rolls his shoulders back, stretching.


    I can¡¯t say much back to that since I don¡¯t really get their whole pack mentality. But I guess it¡¯s nice to have someone with you who you know has your back. ¡°And you¡¯ve been together since?¡±


    Maybe the phrasing is too obvious because his expression hardens as he replies, ¡°I am aware of what you saw, but don¡¯t misinterpret it. The Alpha has a mate.¡±


    Haden had just given me quite the lesson on mates so I know that it¡¯s a very meaningful bond. But if it¡¯s so significant, how can Alpha do something with someone else? And if he has a mate why didn¡¯t I ever see her with him when I lived in the packhouse?


    There are so many questions I want to ask but his expression is so guarded now that I know this is not a subject he¡¯s willing to discuss any further.


    I drop it and ask him if he¡¯s read anything else since the laundry room. And as we continue talking about books, he slowly relaxes back into comfortable conversation.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 17 - Baser Urges

    It¡¯s a surprise that the next two weeks pass quickly and pleasantly. I¡¯m still tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Kane has kept up his end of the bargain. It may be an act to keep me complacent but to an outside spectator, I¡¯m certain we look like friends.


    He¡¯s stayed at the house with me most days, though I¡¯m not sure why he doesn''t need to go anywhere. But in that time, we¡¯ve spent most of it in amicable silence reading together on the couch, but we¡¯ve also had a number of interesting conversations ranging from obscure pack history, to whether cooked chicken in a roll still counts as sushi.


    It¡¯s late now and I close my book, ready to say good night when I notice that Kane¡¯s eyes are a weird shade of milky white. I panic, reach over, and grab both sides of his face, slapping his checks to try and get his attention.


    ¡°Kane! Holy shit! Hello?¡±


    He blinks and his eyes change back to their normal deep chocolate, clear and bright. He places his hands over mine and gently removes them from his face.


    ¡°Sorry to alarm you, I was mind-linked with the Alpha.¡± He seems to know what I am about to ask as he continues, ¡°It¡¯s a connection all members of the pack have. When we are in our other form the connection flows more freely but in this form, it takes more effort and it manifests physically, as you¡¯ve noticed.¡±


    He lets go of my hands and stands before I can think of anything to say.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Ama, but I need to go back to the packhouse. I will be back in the morning.¡± He¡¯s already looking to the backdoor and I¡¯m too dumbfounded by the expression on his face to say anything. The corners of his lips are ever so slightly turned up. He seems¡­excited.


    He must see my expression out of the corner of his eye, because he turns towards me and assures, ¡°You¡¯ll be perfectly safe.¡±


    I nod dumbly and he takes that as consent as he leads to the door and swiftly leaves. I stare after him for a while.


    He looked happy, truly happy. The only person who could summon him would be the Alpha, which would imply that Kane¡¯s happy to go see him.


    I sigh and pick up both of our books, placing them on the coffee table. His reaction only makes me more certain that they are lovers and at the same time, I¡¯m now even more concerned for Kane. If Alpha has a mate, as Kane said before, and mates are bonded for life, doesn¡¯t that make Kane, at best, a side piece? It¡¯s not really any of my business but it seems like a pretty raw deal.


    I go up to my room as I¡¯d planned to do before, but the past few minutes have shaken off my sleepiness. I can¡¯t help but in my head that night in Alpha¡¯s office when he and Kane were very clearly about to have sex.


    I twist a lock of my hair around a finger and hold up a finger as I count my thoughts of the subject. On the one hand, the way that Kane said that Alpha had a mate would imply that it¡¯s not him.


    I hold up another finger. Secondly, I¡¯m not even sure if one can have a same-sex mate.


    Looking down at my hand, I sigh and scrub it across my face. ¡°It¡¯s not like Alpha treats Kane with all that much consideration,¡± I mutter into the darkness. ¡°Calling him out like a late night booty call.¡±


    I flop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling, keenly aware that they are probably doing it right now.


    It doesn¡¯t make me feel anything in particular and I don¡¯t give myself the luxury of trying to imagine it.


    ¡°Being around them has turned me into a pervert or something,¡± I huff and flip over onto my side with a groan, pulling the covers up to my chin.


    Then, as if in answer to my comment, my brain conjures the question, ¡°Who is on top?¡± which calls forth another slew of images.


    What in the actual fuck in wrong with me?


    I press the heels of my hands into my eyes and chide myself. As if I¡¯m in any position to go and make all these assumptions. I barely know anything about Shifters, let alone the two of them, their history, or current relationship.


    I also don¡¯t want to be ¡®that¡¯ person. ¡®That¡¯ type of person who judges based on surface information and prejudice. Even if they are all shitty assholes, I feel like I need to maintain some semblance of a moral high ground. I let those thoughts calm me into a better state of mind and close my eyes.


    I¡¯m almost asleep when there''s a loud crash downstairs. I lurch out of bed and hastily put on my prosthetic, forgoing the usual wrapping and just using the silicon sleeve.


    I¡¯m halfway down the stairs when I¡¯m hit with a feeling of longing so strong it makes my lungs seize and I gasp.


    Fucking Shifters and their goddamn feelings! They act so tough but then go around making everyone feel whatever they¡¯ve got going on instead of keeping it to themselves.


    I stumble down the rest of the way and hang off the doorway to the kitchen to see what¡¯s going on and who to yell at. Kane is in the kitchen, bare chested in only a pair of sweatpants. He must have shifted to come back to the house.


    His chest is heaving and I know that the tightness in my chest and the ache starting to grow between my legs is because of him, because of whatever he is projecting.


    Annoyed, I smack the doorframe to get his attention. "Could you stop that? Are you in heat or something? Do Shifters have those anyway?"


    He spins around and his wild expression startles me. He begins to stalk forward before seeming to catch himself. He shakes his head, as if clearing it, and the sensations bearing down on me ebbs. I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart.


    "I was dismissed," he says as if that explains it all.


    "I don''t know what that means," I reply, pushing off of the door frame now that my knees finally aren¡¯t shaking.


    "It means I was mid fuck and then told to get out and go back here to keep watch."


    I arch a brow, mulling over his words. "And now you''ve got blue balls?"


    "What''s that?"


    I stifle a laugh at his question and explain, "You still want to get off, basically."


    He doesn¡¯t answer but shifts uncomfortably, averting his eyes. I¡¯m trying not to jump to conclusions but it does sound like my assumption that Alpha summoned Kane for a booty call was correct. Though it seems like in the end he left Kane hanging.


    My answer seems to have impacted Kane because I¡¯m hit with a fresh wave of mixed emotions - anger, and a whole lot of sadness. Kane told me he wouldn¡¯t force anything on me but clearly he¡¯s not doing a good job of controlling himself at the moment.


    As I weigh my options, a second wave of desire and aggression courses through me. I sigh, aware that while it isn¡¯t my own, the need I¡¯m feeling is affecting me regardless.


    ¡°You know, all your promises are out the window now,¡± I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. He looks back at me and I wonder if he¡¯s not even aware of what he¡¯s doing to me. His eyes have a frazzled, cloudy look, like he¡¯s high.


    ¡°Who¡¯s taking advantage of who, I wonder,¡± I mutter before rolling back my shoulders and offering, "Fuck me, then." Sex won''t solve anything but I''m not thinking all that clearly and for sure neither is he.


    His eyes flash and he walks past me and starts up the stairs. I don''t move, thinking I''ve been rejected and wondering how I can save face when I¡¯ve clearly misread the situation and his potential interest. I¡¯m about to walk into the kitchen and wash my face off in the hopes that it¡¯ll help me cool down when he commands, "Come."


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    I gulp and turn back to the stairs. He¡¯s waiting at the top, his back still to me. I follow him up and as I reach him, he leads the way into his room. When I enter, he grabs me and presses me into the wall beside the door.


    "To be clear, Ama. If I do, I will have all of you. I won''t force you, but I will take you further and harder than anything you''ve experienced before." His words sound clich¨¦ but I have a feeling he''s being completely honest and perhaps attempting to be rational even though the cloud currently descended in his mind. I¡¯m not sure what any of it really means but he''s not even human, so I doubt any of my previous experience can prepare me.


    "Are you going to hurt me?"


    "Some of it may hurt but I promise you''ll also feel incredible pleasure."


    My toes curl at the thought. "Then I don''t care. It won''t mean anything anyway,¡± I say more to convince myself than him.


    From our position by the door, I can see my room. As I look into the darkness there, I know that this is by far my worst mistake since arriving here. I know that it isn¡¯t what either of us really want, but I¡¯m not going to stop and I¡¯m pretty sure he isn¡¯t either.


    He doesn¡¯t disappoint. "Sure," he murmurs in agreement, stepping closer and caging me against the wall. "Then, strip."


    The abrupt command has me freeze like a deer in the headlights.


    "I said, strip!" The growl in his tone reverberates through my bones and has me scrambling to get my clothes off. As I pull my pants and panties down, they get stuck on my prosthetic. I pitch forward but he catches me with a hand on my shoulder.


    His other hand slides down my thigh and stops just above the silicone cover. "May I?" he voice is soft now. Perhaps he understands the sensitivity around what he¡¯s asking.


    I nod and he shifts his weight, putting his hands under my thighs and lifting me up the wall. One hand keeps me up and the other moves down my leg before pushing my prosthetic off. It falls to the ground with a thud and I flinch at the sound.


    Then, as his hands skims over the skin there, I stiffen. No one has touched my stump since I left the hospital. I haven¡¯t wanted to let anyone see let alone feel the scarred, rough skin there. Fear seizes me but I don''t have time to say anything as he buries his face in my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin there.


    I moan, arching forward, my head going back and hitting the wall. There''s a brief moment of pain and I laugh at the clumsiness of our situation. Looking back at him, his face is in front of him. His lips are slightly parted as if he¡¯s about to speak.


    I''m about to ask to move somewhere else when he pushes me further up the wall, gripping my ass as he adjusts himself. He lets go of me again just long enough to push his sweatpants down his hips. Then, he presses the tip of his cock against me just long enough for me to register what¡¯s about to happen, before slamming into me in one motion. He buries himself until our hips are flush. He is bigger and thicker than anyone I¡¯ve been with before.


    I gasp and thread my fingers through his hair, gripping it and using it to leverage myself forward. He turns his face up and presses his lips to mine. I had expected a bit of foreplay but the sting of being so full of fast is quickly overridden by the ecstasy of it. Fire spreads from my belly throughout my body and I feel like I¡¯m drowning in a combination of his pleasure and my own.


    I moan into the kiss as he pulls out and then slams back into me. I feel my muscles spasm around him. My legs quiver and the sounds of squelching as he begins to pick up speed are obscene and arousing.


    I shutter, feeling myself squeeze around him with each thrust, my hips moving of their own accord to meet him as he buries himself to the hilt repeatedly.


    The pace is brutal and it¡¯s all I can do to hold onto him. He suddenly lets go of one of my thighs and slides all the way up my side, before gently pressing against my throat. The pressure is alarming and all my muscles lock, which makes him groan and push into me even harder.


    Without his support, I can''t keep my leg wrapped around him. It drops and I end up balancing on my toes on one foot, my leg barely able to support my weight. He doesn¡¯t let go of my other thigh so I¡¯m forced to spread my legs apart even wider. He bends his knees to accommodate the loss in height but does not stop or let me adjust to a more comfortable position.


    The position also has the unintended consequence of allowing him even deeper access, and when he enters again I feel the ache of him pounding into my cervix. I whimper and bite my lip, unused to the sensation.


    His hand on my neck turns upwards so he is cupping my chin. The pad of his thumb brushes across my mouth, pulling my lower lip from between my teeth, before he pushes past my lips and presses down on my tongue. I can''t hold back the sounds as he forces my mouth open.


    It¡¯s another part of me being filled with him and I feel giddy from the high. I give in, swirling my tongue around his finger and sucking on it.


    He growls loudly and pulls out completely, letting my other leg drop. I feel myself teeter with only one foot to stand on but he quickly spins me around, pressing my chest to the wall before gripping my hips and kneeling behind me.


    As he spreads my ass apart, I flush in embarrassment. From his vantage point, not only is he seeing my dripping pussy but also a full on view of my asshole. His fingers slip between my folds as he begins to pleasure me. It feels good but I''d rather have his cock back inside me again.


    I''m working up the courage to say that when I shriek as I feel something wet press into the tight ring of muscles of my backside. He stops finger fucking my pussy to hold both my cheeks apart as he buries his face between them, his tongue probing me.


    My mind is reeling at what¡¯s happening and I can¡¯t seem to catch up with all these new sensations. No one has ever fucked my ass before, much less given me a rimjob.


    "Kane," I manage to get out though the word is more of a strangled cry. "Please. Stop." It''s not terrible but it''s a completely foreign sensation and I¡¯d rather get back to what¡¯s familiar. He stops and I think he''s going to listen to my plea, until he inserts a finger inside and begins to pump it in and out at an agonizingly slow pace. I can feel every inch of it and my muscles tighten around it.


    "Shh," he murmurs, kissing my ass and then nipping it softly. "You need to relax."


    "I can''t," I grind out. Not only is the feeling on the fence between pleasure and pain but my current position is making my thigh muscles burn. I can feel them quivering from exhaustion at having all my weight on only one leg. My knee starts to bend and I scrabble at the wall trying not to fall over.


    "Shit," he grunts, perhaps realizing how difficult this is for me. He stands and picks me up, cradling me to his chest.


    Before I know it I''m tossed on the bed and don''t even have time to adjust as he flips me onto my stomach and pulls me up by my hips so I flop face first into the bed on my knees.


    He doesn''t waste time, as something cool drips down the crack of my ass. "Lube," he explains as he picks up where he left off, pushing a finger inside my ass again. Perhaps to distract me from it, he reaches around and rubs my clit with his free hand.


    I groan into the bedding, my fingers twisting around the sheets as he adds a second finger, and picks up speed. It''s a truly strange sensation but the longer he does it, the more pleasurable it becomes.


    When he finally adds a third finger, I feel stretched and full. The slight discomfort that comes with it is nothing compared to the pleasure and he continues to play with my clit in earnest.


    I climax, my moaning muffled by the sheets. It''s more intense than any orgasm I can recall. The sensation of my body spasming around his fingers as he continues to slam into my ass is incredible.


    As I come down from the high I hear the rip of foil and feel his thighs press into the backs of my own. He leans over me and murmurs into my ear, "Keep breathing and relax as much as possible."


    He positions himself with a hand pressed to the flat of my stomach and the other beside my shoulder to hold his weight off of me. I feel his cock press against me and the head push through the tight ring of muscles and into my ass.


    It feels so much thicker than his fingers did and tears well in my eyes immediately. I bite my lip again to keep from whimpering as he slowly begins to slide himself in and out. He moves slowly, allowing me to feel each and every inch. I¡¯m not sure if that makes it better or worse.


    After a few minutes, it''s moved from not-quite-bareable and to almost-pleasurable. He then asks, "Can I go further now?"


    The question makes no sense to me so I grind out, "What?"


    "I''m barely inside you, Ama."


    My eyes bulge at the thought that there''s still more of him I''m supposed to fit inside.


    "How much more?"


    "Not even halfway yet."


    "Fuck," I groan and he stills inside me, waiting for my answer.


    "Just do it," I gasp out, not able to wrap my mind around what that means until he sheaths himself to the hilt. I gasp, my chest feeling tight, and cry out. It feels like my stomach is going to explode and I wonder if he¡¯s torn me apart. All I can feel is pain radiating out from where our bodies connect.


    I hear a strangled sound behind me and Kane groans, "Fuck you''re going to break my dick off if you tighten up that much." It is by far the most vulgar thing I¡¯ve ever heard Kane say and I feel like he¡¯s channeling Alpha for a moment.


    He changes positions, kneeling upright with his hands on my hips, and starts to move again. Pain and pleasure courses through me in equal parts and I''m starting to fear that I might be something of a masochist. It feels good and the hurt seems to only enhance that.


    I lose myself in this new foreign sensation until his grip on my hips becomes bruisingly tight as his movements become erratic. He moans loudly, the sound making me wish I could see his face. He reaches around me again and rubs my clit furiously giving me no recourse but to come again with him still in my ass.


    He continues to slowly thrust into me through the duration of my orgasm and when I can finally breathe again, he pulls out. I hear movement behind me before he gently turns me around and lays me onto my back, crawling up the bed to lay beside me.


    Both of our bodies are slick with sweat as he pulls me against him, tucking me into his side with his arms wrapped firmly around me. I want to say something, anything, to break myself out of this feeling of bliss; I don''t want to forget that it''s just sex. But my whole body feels like Jell-O and his warmth is so appealing.


    I fall asleep before I can even string together a coherent thought.

 Part 1 - Alphas Choice: Chapter 18 - A choice that prioritized you

    When I wake, to my surprise Kane is beside me reading a book. I¡¯m sure he knows that I¡¯m awake, but he doesn¡¯t look over.


    I don¡¯t know what to say and as the silence stretches, all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears.


    I doubt he''s doing it on purpose, but it feels like a test to see which one of us will break the ice first.


    "What are you reading?" It''s not the question I want to ask, but it''s the one I can manage.


    "Damien." He closes the book and holds it up, the front cover out for me to see. It is a worn paperback that looks like the books you see in crates at garage sales; the ones that belonged to great grandparents, with card stock covers and bold, simplistic designs.


    "It''s in German," I say, a bit surprised.


    "Yes. The English translation is not bad but," he pauses for a moment, his thumb brushing over the spine in a loving gesture, "I prefer this one."


    I don''t ask why as I look over the cover. The word ¡®Damien¡¯ is in bold across the top followed by a slew of words I cannot make out; the font and the age make it hard to read.


    Along the bottom is a name, Hermann Hess.


    "Oh, Hermann Hess! I read Siddhartha in school."


    His lip quirks up. ¡°His books all have a somewhat similar philosophy."


    I nod though I''m not sure what he means. It¡¯s true that I did read it in school, but I can¡¯t remember a single thing about it. I sit up and look out the window on the opposite wall.


    Outside light is filtering through the leaves and I can just make out the edge of the lake. I mutter, more to myself than him, "What am I supposed to do here?"


    Despite having wanted to have sex and having thoroughly enjoyed it, in the light of a new day there¡¯s nothing to keep the embarrassment and emptiness at bay.


    "You need to learn to control that better."


    My head snaps back and our eyes meet.


    He clarifies, "Your scent. You''re radiating your feelings."


    "Says the man who tempted me into fucking last night,¡± I huff, incredulous. ¡°You can¡¯t seriously be lecturing me about keeping my feelings to myself when we are in this mess because of you broadcasting your horniess from here to Alaska,¡± I emphasize my point by throwing my arms wide.  Then, realizing that I¡¯m still totally naked, I cross my arms over my chest, my face heating up.


    ¡°And what exactly am I supposed to do about it anyway?" I snap, my temper still getting away from me.


    But he doesn''t react the way I expect him to. He doesn''t take it as a challenge like all the other Shifters I have met would.  Instead, he cocks his head to the side as if contemplating the question.


    After a moment he answers, "You¡¯re right. I made a promise to you and I did an awful job keeping it. All I can say is that it won''t happen again.¡±


    ¡°I hardly think you can make me fall for that line a second time.¡±


    ¡°I can only do my best, Ama. Though I¡¯ll admit it hasn¡¯t been much. But, as for you - you''ll have to train to hide your feelings, or suppress them at least."


    He isn''t smiling but his eyes are dancing. "It will give you something to do here," he says, repeating my earlier words back at me.


    "Why should I trust you with anything, especially helping me?"


    "It''s not the first time," he replies, looking back at his book.


    Was that a joke? I¡¯m not sure what to make of this lighter side of Kane. ¡°I don¡¯t think fucking my brains out counts as helping,¡± I say slowly, eyeing him wearily.


    He seems genuinely taken aback when he looks up again and blinks slowly before replying, ¡°That was not what I was referring to, Ama.¡± His expression is endearing and it annoys me.


    Grunting, I grab a shirt of his from off the floor and tug it on. It has the same woodsy smell as his sweatshirt that I¡¯ve still got in my room, and I decide that I won¡¯t be returning this to him either.


    He doesn¡¯t stop me as I hop along the wall to get my clothes and prosthetic from where we left them unceremoniously the night before.


    When I¡¯m back in the safety of my own room, I turn on the shower and hope that it drowns out the sound of my sobbing. I¡¯m not completely sure why I am crying right now. I don¡¯t particularly regret last night, though the ache between my legs and in my lower back is an unnecessary reminder.


    I can¡¯t entirely blame it on Kane¡¯s emotions either. It¡¯s not like I hadn¡¯t thought about it before. But, that alone makes me angrier still. I keep getting swept up and losing sight of what I¡¯m after and the shitstorm that landed me here.


    I slide to the shower floor and tug my knees up to my chest. As I sit under the lukewarm spray, still wearing Kane¡¯s shirt, I promise myself yet again not to let any of the Shifters or humans here sway me like this anymore.


    I lean my head back against the cool tiles and let the water wash over my tear-stained face. ¡°Maybe I should start meditating or something,¡± I mutter to the empty bathroom.


    When I finally get out of the shower, after having turned into a human-sized prune, Kane is gone. He doesn¡¯t come back for the rest of the day but doesn¡¯t have anyone take his place in the house either.


    As I sit alone on a chair looking out at the lake, I realize that I never did ask him why he left me with Haden in the first place. Perhaps he didn¡¯t trust me to be here alone and has since changed his mind. If it¡¯s only been changed because we fucked, then Kane is a much simpler and more naive man than I thought.


    He doesn¡¯t come home for dinner either, which is a surprise, and I am about to go to bed when an ear-piercing scream shatters the silence I¡¯ve grown accustomed to.


    For the first time in the months I¡¯ve been living here, I run to the front door and yank it open. There¡¯s a semi-circle gravel driveway and a dirt road that leads off into the night. The lawn surrounding the driveway is overgrown with weeds over a foot high. Standing in them are three men, all naked, with their backs to me.


    The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.


    Someone screams again, and it¡¯s clearly coming from the same direction as the group of men, but I can tell that it¡¯s a woman¡¯s voice. The whimper that follows makes me swallow hard and I steel myself for whatever¡¯s about to come. I¡¯m almost certain these men are Shifters and that they have a woman they are hurting.


    I force myself to move, walking towards them, though I know there is absolutely nothing I can do against one Shifter, let alone three. The gravel crunches under my socks and I stumble when I step on a particular jagged piece of rock.


    I curse as all three turn in unison. I immediately recognize Kane at the furthest to the right of the three but the other two I don¡¯t know.


    ¡°Kane, what¡¯s going on?¡± I ask, my voice trembling as I continue to approach.


    He holds up a hand and I stop. Then he points to the house and sharply orders, ¡°Go back inside, Ama.¡±


    ¡°No, not until you tell me what¡¯s going on!¡± I shout back. If I leave now and she gets hurt or killed, I won¡¯t be able to live with it. At this moment, I would rather die than turn away from another this unknown person suffering.


    ¡°Trust me, Ama. You don¡¯t want any part in this.¡± Right as he speaks the hidden woman wails and I see the grass in front of him move.


    ¡°Trust you? Fuck¡¯s sake, Kane! I heard her screaming from inside. You want me to, what? Go back, keep listening, but do nothing?¡± I¡¯m equal parts livid and terrified but I hold onto that anger and let it keep me resolute.


    I continue forward and as I step into the grass, a prone figure comes into view. There¡¯s a woman lying on her side. She¡¯s as naked as the rest of them with her hair obscuring most of her face. All along her body are scores of deep gashes¡­claw marks.


    Bile rises up my throat and I fight back the urge to vomit.  I press my knuckles to my lips and move closer; the only thing going through my head is how I need to help this woman.


    Kane grabs my arm before I¡¯ve taken another step and swings me away from her. I scrabble at his fingers as he hisses, ¡°She¡¯s dangerous, Ama.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I dig my nails into him, leaving dark red moons in the flesh between his thumb and pointer finger. ¡°More than you?¡±


    ¡°She was going to kill you.¡± His harsh words don¡¯t register immediately, as I lean away and try to see around him.


    I can see her again but now she¡¯s on her back; she¡¯s still breathing, though it¡¯s quick and shallow. As I continue to stare, watching her chest rise and fall, his words finally sink in.


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t something we can discuss right now. Now go back inside, please.¡± He pushes me back towards the house. Right as he does, the woman suddenly shrieks and sits up. One of the men is on top of her immediately, slamming her back into the ground.


    ¡°Jesus,¡± my breath hitches as the woman¡¯s hands come up and I see that her fingers are actually claws as they slice into the man¡¯s shoulders.


    He grunts but doesn¡¯t release her. Kane looks away from me and growls, stalking over to them.


    ¡°Get off, Klien¡± he commands. As Klien shuffles back Kane replaces him with his hand on her throat. She claws at him, her nails digging into his forearm but he doesn¡¯t even flinch. ¡°Answer me, right now.¡±


    She spits in his face and the other man circles around and grabs for her arms to pin her down.


    ¡°I said, back off,¡± Kane growls low and both men immediately take a few steps back, falling into a military-like ''at ease'' position, which is so out of place considering they are all stark naked.


    ¡°Beta, just kill her. She isn¡¯t going to tell us anything,¡± Klein voices after a moment¡¯s silence.


    ¡°No, we¡¯ve got to get more out of her,¡± the one whose shoulders are still bleeding snorts, ¡°losing a few fingers might help.¡±


    ¡°God, Kane!¡± I can¡¯t believe what I am hearing. I know that I am really tempting fate and it seems there¡¯s no love lost between me and this woman, but how can I let them torture and kill her?


    I don¡¯t even know what I am pleading for, but I try again, ¡°Kane, please. Don¡¯t.¡±


    He looks away from the woman struggling beneath him and meets my eyes. I hope I¡¯m conveying just how important this is - that I can¡¯t watch him do this.


    His brow furrows as his mouth opens slightly and I want to sag under the relief that he might actually listen to me but I almost immediately regret saying anything at all.


    She takes advantage of the distraction I have inadvertently caused and manages to get her knees up between her and Kane. She kicks him with all her might and Kane loses his grip on her neck.


    Her movements blur as she gets to her feet and runs straight at me. Time seems to speed up as she disappears right as something splatters across my face.


    She¡¯s directly in front of me now. I stare straight ahead and look past her into the trees through the space where her head should be.


    As her body begins to fall backward, I reach up with a shaking hand and wipe away whatever is on my face. I look down at my hand and see a streak of dark liquid across my fingertips. There¡¯s not enough light to see the color, but I know it will be red.


    I feel my knees go weak and a pair of arms are suddenly under me. One of Kane¡¯s men scoops me up and flips me over his shoulder like I weigh nothing. I lay with my face against his naked back and can¡¯t bring myself to care about the indignity of it.


    There¡¯s a buzzing that¡¯s filling my head now, drowning out the conversation happening around me.


    Somehow that woman was decapitated and I completely missed it. Someone took off her head right in front of me, and I couldn¡¯t even see it happen.


    They are so much stronger and faster than me. This isn¡¯t the first time I¡¯ve had this realization but every time I do, it hits me square in the chest like a truck.


    I feel darkness invading the corners of my vision and think I might pass out when a voice booms from the darkness, ¡°What the fuck is this?¡±


    My head lolls to the side and I watch, almost upside down, as Alpha storms up to us. Behind him is another group of Shifters.


    ¡°Put her down,¡± he commands and the man holding me drops me like a sack of potatoes. I fall, not able to catch myself before my face slams into the gravel. Small stones bite into the skin on my face and hands before someone grabs the back of my shirt and I¡¯m lifted up into the air and put on my feet.


    I don¡¯t have time to pull out the small bits of gravel now embedded in my palms as Alpha grabs my arm and begins to tow me toward the house.


    ¡°Clean this shit up. I¡¯ll be back in a minute,¡± he calls over his shoulder at the growing group of Shifters; more and more are appearing from the shadows.


    I look back just before we enter the house and see Kane looking down at something in his hand. I follow his gaze and see the woman¡¯s head, swaying as it swings by its hair, tangled up in his grip.


    As Alpha pulls me up the stairs I give up on fighting and let myself be dragged along. When we reach my room, he practically throws me onto the bed.


    I catch myself and spin around only to find him right behind me. The muddled sounds in my head begin to roar and the horror of what I¡¯ve just seen finally sets in.


    I scream at the top of my lungs, ¡°None of you have a fucking shred of humanity!¡± I feel the mania bubble up from deep inside and I begin to laugh, full belly laughs, that have me clutching at my sides. ¡°Oh god, I get it now!¡± I say through tears, barely able to form the words around my giggling.


    He looks down at me and his expression stays placid as he asks, ¡°Would you rather she have killed you? Kane made a choice. A choice that prioritized you. I would have thought you¡¯d like that, little one.¡±


    I choke on my laughter and grow cold under the weight of his stare and the meaning behind his words. When I don¡¯t speak, he smiles cooly, ¡°That¡¯s what I thought. You need to adjust your moral compass. Accept the world you now live in or each day will break you.¡±


    The giggle returns as I look up at the ceiling. ¡°You¡¯ve already broken me,¡± speaking more to the world than to him. I am sure now that he should have killed me along with Nia.


    ¡°Don¡¯t give me that much credit, little one,¡± he scoffs. I breathe in deeply and count to ten before looking back at him but he¡¯s already got his eyes on the door.


    ¡°If I run, will you drag me back or just kill me?¡±


    He responds, though he doesn¡¯t bother to look my way again, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t kill you, but I doubt you¡¯d make it far. And depending on who caught you, you might end up like Harper.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°The corpse on the lawn, little one. Did you think she was a nameless Shifter? No, I know exactly who she is.¡± He shakes his head and walks away from me before I can ask him to tell me more.


    I hear him go down the steps and then the front door closes.


    I never get to have a complete conversation with him or Kane. They always say what they¡¯ve got to say and then leave before I can even wrap my mind around any of it.


    ¡°Fuck,¡± I scream crouching over and clutching my stomach. ¡°Fucking fuck!¡±