《Renegades (Give and Take Part 2)》


 chapter 1

    It was peaceful.


    The sun rose up over the water that morning. The sky was pink and purple and blue all at once, and it shone across the ocean like a pathway on the rippling waves. The grass in the dunes waved and a few brave grains of sand twirled in the breeze before settling back down onto the silent shore.


    The house was quiet. The curtains were drawn, darkness spreading over us, and it was quiet.


    It usually wasn¡¯t quiet. Usually she was coughing, usually her breaths were raspy and weak, usually she woke up with harsh gasps that woke us up too, but it was Bayan who woke us up early that morning. It was quiet. It was peaceful. Bayan put his hand on my shoulder and murmured, ¡°Master Aber.¡±


    I sat up, surprised, and then noticed it wasn¡¯t just him. There were two doctors standing behind him, and Nua rolled over too. But between us, our wife did not move. She was still. She was not coughing, was not gasping, was not breathing. Bayan pulled me out of the way, and then leaned over and gently picked her up. Nua and I could not do anything except watch as he cradled her against his chest, and took her away. Then a few minutes later he came back. He told us that Miss Lilly was going to the hospital now, and that she¡¯d be back soon. There was no machinery, no beeping and no flashing lights, no rushing around and hurriedness like just a few days before in Keol¡¯s room. This time, it was peaceful.


    That was a week and two days ago. In all that time, Miss Lilly has not come home. Bayan has, a few times, to pick up clothes and papers for her, but he can drive, and he just gets right back in the car and leaves again. The first time he came home Nua and I went downstairs to meet him, to ask what was going on. We bombarded him with questions, but finally he just held up his hands and said, ¡°I can¡¯t tell you anything.¡±


    And Nua and I both said, ¡°Bayan,¡± and he gave a small sad smile, and said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± And then he was gone again.


    It¡¯s not until a week and two days after he took our wife from us that he returns and tells us that Miss Lilly is on her way home. All we did that whole time was wander around the house, petting Shiv the cat, looking at the books we have lying around but not reading them, turning on the TV and not watching it. Miss Lilly locked the library before she left, and all the doors, too, so we could not go outside. But now Bayan finally unlocks them for us, and I want to ask him what happened, but I cannot get the words out; I know the answer, anyway. Miss Lilly is on her way home, by herself.


    Nua finds me leaning against the railing on the back porch, looking out over to the fountain and twisting the wedding ring around and around my finger. The sun is almost directly above us, and light glistens off the water and the shining stone. His blond bangs are falling in front of his eyes, but he still squints as he leans against the wood next to me. ¡°She just came back.¡±


    I don¡¯t say anything. I don¡¯t want to. I want to be alone, but I can¡¯t, because my mother-in-law is home and childless and waiting for her two sons-in-law.


    She stands in the foyer, her coat still draped around her. I see Bayan peeking in through the door that leads to the kitchen, but he doesn¡¯t come out to meet us. She stands soberly, her hair swept up in a fancy bun without a single strand out of place. In her hands she holds an urn.


    ¡°What is that?¡± asks Nua quietly after a moment. He means to ask who.


    Our mother-in-law doesn¡¯t answer for a moment. She should be angry that he spoke to her out of turn, but she doesn¡¯t seem to care. She simply looks down at the silver container and then says quietly, ¡°Keol. And Ava. Together.¡±


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    Nua glances at me, and then nods. Her mother holds it out for him to take.


    It should be the prominent, her favorite, to take her ashes. But her prominent is dust mixed into her own and she had no time to choose between me and Nua which one she wanted more. It probably would¡¯ve been me, Nua told me that a few hours after the doctors had told us what we already knew. ¡°She was going to pick you next, Aber.¡±


    But Nua takes the urn, and her mother just watches her daughter pass into our hands, and then turns on her high heel and goes through the door that Bayan was looking through. He¡¯s gone by now, he knows to stay out of her way.


    Nua holds it slightly away from his body as if it were going to bite, and then looks up at me. His eyes are wide, and he¡¯s not sure what to do. We weren¡¯t exactly told about this part of the job.


    It was all a mystery, at first. I knew I would never be married by choice, but my marriage to her was better than I expected. I wasn¡¯t allowed to go anywhere outside without her by my side, but I did anyway, and she didn¡¯t care. And I could roam the halls all I wanted as long as I didn¡¯t disturb her or her mother. Surely as time passed I would¡¯ve gained more freedom, too. Nua could go outside without her as long as he had her permission. Keol could do anything he wanted.


    I follow Nua up the stairs and into the bedroom that stretches the whole width of the house, windows looking out onto both the beach in the front and the garden out back. He places the urn on the coffee table, then falls to the couch. He never knew her like I did; she left him alone. She never wanted a third husband, or a fourth in me, although we did spend one night together, one that lasted forever but was gone quicker than I could have ever imagined. But no one knew her like Keol. No one knew her like he did, the depths of her heart and body and mind, the aches for her dead prominent and the desire for freedom, the illness wracking through her and the smoke curling out of her mouth, and now they¡¯re together, twisted with and inside and surrounding each other, cradling each other for eternity.


    I go over to the window as Nua studies the silver urn. The curtains are still drawn over the windows, but the fancy lights hanging from the ceiling of her room are on. I pull the heavy red curtain back slightly, letting a shaft of sunlight filter in. ¡°Her mother said she¡¯d want to scatter Keol into the garden.¡±


    Nua laughs slightly, but I can¡¯t tell what¡¯s behind it. ¡°I don¡¯t think we can scatter him now, can we?¡±


    ¡°Not like that,¡± I agree quietly. Not with her. It¡¯s been a week and two days since that morning, when we watched the doctors take her away. They don¡¯t know exactly how she died, only that she was dying. The smell of her cigarettes infused into everything she touched, even for the weeks after she stopped because Keol told her he hated it; it seeps out of the curtains right now, a reminder and a memory.


    We¡¯ve been sleeping in here, usually with the cat on the bed somewhere too. Nua and I always shared a room. Keol had his own; I wondered why at first until I realized that she didn¡¯t always want to spent the nights in her own bed, and then I was glad Keol didn¡¯t have a roommate. But Nua and I always slept together, in two separate beds until the night when he lay next to her as she grieved for her second dead prominent and then I lay next to her on the other side, and then for the rest of her remaining days. And last night we came back here, no conversation between us, and no wife between us either, but we slipped beneath the heavy red comforter anyway and slept, deep and dreamless.


    There¡¯s not much to do anymore. What did we used to do before? Nua and I traded books. Bayan cleaned the house and cooked the food. Miss Lilly did her work. Ava and Keol fought and laughed and went swimming and watched TV and she painted his nails and he pissed her off and they loved each other. Now they¡¯re both dead. Now they¡¯re both sitting in an urn on the table over there, and there¡¯s nothing we can do.


    Miss Lilly has not said anything to us. She is only related to us by law. I do not think she wants us here. We don¡¯t want to be here, either, not without Ava, but there¡¯s nowhere for us to go. I¡¯ve thought about it. I do not think she would let me go back to my family. I only came to this house when Miss Lilly¡¯s people raided my family¡¯s home, which doubled as a shelter for boys who had run away from their wives. I don¡¯t know what happened to my parents after that. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if they were in jail. I also don¡¯t know what happened to my twin sister, but based on the things I¡¯ve seen about her since we were separated, I¡¯m not sure if I would want to go back to her.


    Oh, Abigala. She got mixed up in something that she shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve. And she may be paying the price, right now, and there¡¯s nothing that I can do. There¡¯s really nothing I can do. Nua and I used to just read all of the time, but Miss Lilly has locked the library. She has also locked the front and back doors again, unlike before. Keol had been allowed to go in and out and wherever he wanted whenever he wanted, so the doors were always open. I admit I abused that sometimes, which is probably why she¡¯s closed them shut. She¡¯s in charge. She¡¯s always been in charge, but in the past few months there¡¯s been a buffer in the form of our wife. Now, Ava is dead and gone. And sometimes, I envy her.

 chapter 2

    Days pass just the same. It¡¯s October now. I grow restless and impatient. Nua seems depressed. He doesn¡¯t do anything except sleep and eat a little. He wanders around Ava¡¯s room during the day. He had never been in there as much as he was the past few weeks, I don¡¯t think. He¡¯s been here for around a year now, but his relationship with Ava was never more than cordial. They never had what she and Keol had.


    The day after Miss Lilly comes home, Bayan brings us breakfast in Ava¡¯s bedroom. I¡¯m just sitting on the couch, with Shiv the cat in my lap. It¡¯s the first time she ever voluntarily jumped up to sit on me. She used to sit on Keol sometimes, but usually she just followed Ava around. Nua¡¯s sitting on the windowsill, looking out over the back garden. I pet the cat absentmindedly, orange hairs coming off in my fingers, when Bayan knocks on the door. I look up, and then gasp. Nua looks over too, but Bayan just puts the tray down and turns to go. ¡°Wait,¡± I say.


    He pauses, looking back at me, and Nua furrows his eyebrows, standing. The whole left side of Bayan¡¯s face is a mess of bruises, and his lip looks broken, too. ¡°What the hell happened to you?¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly, only with the right side of his mouth. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Master Nua.¡±


    ¡°Was that Miss Lilly?¡± I say. Nua comes down the stairs to get a better look at the bruises; I would stand too except for the cat on my lap. Bayan just turns away, and I glance at Nua. ¡°Bayan, what¡¯d you do?¡±


    He stops again, and tilts his head back, looking at the ceiling. Finally he sighs, and says, ¡°It was worth it.¡±


    And he carries on. I think of Ava¡¯s twin brother. I am a twin married to a twin, and right now, all the other three are gone, out of reach. Bayan knew Ava¡¯s brother. Nua and I never did, but Bayan has been with Ava all this time, since he was a child, since they were. He must have known Penny up until he went away, and I¡¯m sure that despite her sickness he never expected to lose Ava so soon as well. He spent some time in the hospital with Miss Lilly, when they were looking at her body, and maybe Keol¡¯s. I don¡¯t really know. But now he is home, and he is going about his work as if nothing else has changed. He is strong, on the inside. I wonder if he ever shed a tear over either of the lost twins.


    One of the strangest things I ever discovered in this house was about Bayan. He had met with a person named Sloan in the dead of night. He had to turn off the fence around Miss Lilly¡¯s property, and that was when the doors were still unlocked so whoever Sloan was could sneak up to the door and pass him a message. Sloan told him that Penny misses him and Ava, and Bayan told Sloan to tell him that they miss him too. But I do not think Ava knew about this. I don¡¯t think anyone does, except for me, and Bayan does not know that I know. But Penny is Ava¡¯s twin brother. Why would Bayan hide Penny from Ava? I don¡¯t know how to raise the question. I think about it from time to time, wondering when and where and how to bring up the topic.


    But right now, I¡¯m just tired. I should not be sad about losing Keol, but I am, and I should not be sad about losing Ava, but I am. Her mother has become even more recluse, and I hardly see her, which suits me fine. I do not want to. But there is an ever-lingering sense of dread that settles each morning in the pit of my stomach and does not go away: what is she going to do with us?


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    It must be how Penny felt, too, his whole life. Oh, Penny, Ava¡¯s poor twin brother, he is lost and we do not know where he is. But what if Bayan does? Ava tried for years to find him; it made her sympathetic to me and my Abigala cause. Keol knew about him; I don¡¯t know how Nua found out about him, but he knew before I did. He was the one who told me. But if Bayan knows, why does he not say? Secrets swirl around every person who had ever stepped foot in this house.


    Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, and roll over to my side, expecting to see her face, her hair falling over the pillow, Nua¡¯s arm wrapped around her waist. But I don¡¯t. I just see Nua, or more often than not, no one. He often comes to bed with me in her room, but does not stay the whole night, or wakes up early to look out the window, to see the sun slowly rise over the water. Bayan still brings us breakfast in Ava¡¯s bedroom, and the bruises on his face seem to be getting better. We still don¡¯t know why they got there, but he won¡¯t answer us. I remember asking him questions a few months ago, and he answered as many as he could, but there were somme topics he would not touch. He answers to Miss Lilly first, he said, and when she tells him not to talk about something, he listens. We used to really only see Miss Lilly at mealtimes, when we used to have dinner every night, all five of us, and lunch on most days too, but we don¡¯t do that anymore. I don¡¯t miss it. It was always just quiet and awkward and Ava would always be mad at her mother and near the end Keol would always be coughing. When we were alone in the house for a week and two days Nua and I end up wandering down to the kitchen later on in the day for lunch and dinner, and that¡¯s what we keep on doing. I never thought I¡¯d miss always having a smoking cigarette in the corner of my eye but I do and I hate it, I hate that I miss Ava, because I don¡¯t know what to do with it. What¡¯s the point of missing someone who¡¯s never going to come back?


    The only reason I get out of bed every day now is to feed Shiv. Bayan would do it if I didn¡¯t, but I need something to do. She likes me now, I think, she sleeps in the bed with us and she follows me around, leaving little orange hairs wherever she goes like bread crumbs. The library is still locked, so usually that¡¯s just down to the kitchen to get her food and then back up to the bedroom. Nua¡¯s read the same book five times now that we can¡¯t go into the library; it¡¯s over six hundred pages, but he just keeps starting over. One morning about a week after Miss Lilly comes home I wake up and he¡¯s in the middle of it again, and I just roll over, pulling the blankets around me. I lie there until I hear Bayan knock on the door; I know it¡¯s him because Miss Lilly doesn¡¯t knock, and because he always knocks the same, rolling his knuckles and then two quick raps. Nua looks up when he comes in, and puts the book down. Bayan comes in and sets the tray on the table as I sit up in bed, and then Nua says softly, ¡°We have to get out of here.¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly, looking over at me as he fiddles with the hem of his navy blue sweater. ¡°I know, Master Nua.¡±


    ¡°She said she could set us free,¡± says Nua in almost a whisper, and Bayan hesitates, and then nods. ¡°I know, Master Nua.¡±


    The bruises on the side of his face are almost faded, but he reaches up and touches his lip. Nua says, ¡°Lilly¡¯s gonna kill you one of these days.¡±


    He smiles slightly again, and says quietly, ¡°Only if I do something bad enough.¡±


    ¡°Would helping us be bad enough?¡± I ask softly, and Nua looks over at me too. Bayan sighs. Shiv comes in through the door and jumps up on the couch next to Nua. I stand up and go down to them, putting my hands on the back of the couch on either side of Nua¡¯s head. He looks up at me, and then asks, ¡°Are you still gonna do it?¡±


    Bayan looks at us, and then glances at the door, and says, ¡°Of course, Master Nua.¡±


    And he leaves us then. I duck my head, sighing, and Nua tilts his back so he¡¯s looking up at me. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t make him do it.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think we¡¯re making him do anything,¡± I say softly, going down to my elbows so our noses are almost touching. ¡°He knows her, better than we do.¡±


    Knew. Nua smiles a little, and next to him on the couch Shiv rolls over, meowing. I sigh, straightening up again, and go around to join him on the couch. He passes me a bowl of strawberry yogurt, and we eat.

 chapter 3

    ¡°I know,¡± said Bayan, when we told him we had to leave. Neither Nua nor I have seen Miss Lilly in days, which is somehow more terrifying than seeing her every evening for dinner. But she just spends all day in her office, while Nua and I wander around the house but mostly lay around in Ava¡¯s room. I¡¯ve read the book that Nua is rereading over and over, and we talk about it a little. He also has a book of fairy tales with him; he was reading it to Keol before he died. I wonder if he knows that Keol couldn¡¯t read himself.


    I miss Keol. And I miss Ava. I think of all the times they were together, at the pool, on the couch, dancing on the train, and every time I seem to remember Ava blowing smoke at him. She stopped, near the end, his end, because he had stolen her lighter. He hid it in the pocket of one of her clothes, and she only found it after he had died. It did not take her very long to give up after he died, even with me and Nua to worry about. I don¡¯t know if she really believed that she could free us. I wonder if she ever talked to her mother about what to do with us after she died.


    She must have talked to Bayan, though. Or come to think of it, maybe she didn¡¯t. Maybe he just knew, and he just did what he knew she would have wanted. Because she would not have wanted us to stay here forever, stuck and alone, I don¡¯t think. Not when Penny was still out there somewhere, God knows where. In any case, Bayan knows, and I don¡¯t know how he knows, but he does, because one day he knocks on the door to bring us breakfast, and when Nua says, ¡°Come in,¡± he does, and closes the door behind him.


    We both look over at him, and he comes over to the coffee table and sets the tray down. Nua¡¯s sitting on the windowsill, up the stairs on the other side of the room, and I¡¯m on the couch. I look up at him. ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Bayan?¡±


    Nua looks over. Bayan hesitates, his fingers twisting together, and then says softly, ¡°Nothing. I have a plan.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± says Nua after a moment. ¡°We¡¯re listening.¡±


    Bayan sighs, looking at the ceiling. He¡¯s always so quiet, but he¡¯s smart, too. He knows that whenever he speaks it should only be words that Miss Lilly has approved, and he is about to step outside of those bounds, right here and right now. Finally he asks quietly, ¡°Do you know what Miss Lilly does?¡±


    I sit up and turn around, looking at Nua over on the other side of the room. He looks at me, and then says hesitantly, ¡°She works in the government.¡±


    Bayan raises his eyebrows, waiting for details, but neither of us give any. He nods. ¡°She does, yes. In particular, she¡¯s the head of the department that runs the agencies.¡±


    Nua rubs his lips together, then nod. ¡°I¡¯m not surprised.¡±


    ¡°What are agencies?¡± I ask, and they¡¯re both quiet for a moment before Nua says, ¡°Keol came from one.¡±


    ¡°Doesn¡¯t help,¡± I say with a shrug.


    ¡°Agencies,¡± says Bayan, ¡°are institutions set up around the country for boys.¡±


    I look at him. He continues. ¡°A lot of them work like orphanages. Families often drop off unwanted infant sons there. Or, when they¡¯re older, boys go to live there, and they¡¯re places where women who need husbands can¡­go¡­meet people.¡±


    I raise my eyebrows. ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve really never heard of these?¡± asks Nua in surprise, and I shake my head. Bayan sighs a little, but it¡¯s not at me. ¡°Master Nua¡¯s right. Master Keol went to one of those places when he was a teenager. It¡¯s where Miss Lilly found him. But what¡¯s important is that because Miss Lilly runs the whole system of agencies across the country, she has access to files and records and resources that allow her to do almost anything. And she¡¯s been keeping tabs on her son for quite some time.¡±


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    This manages to get a reaction out of Nua, and me as well. We both stare at him for a second, and then Nua asks quietly, ¡°Penny?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Master Nua,¡± says Bayan softly. He opens his mouth to elaborate, hesitates, then says simply, ¡°I think you should go to him.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I ask, almost under my breath, and his eyes, dark and searching, run over me. He looks like he¡¯s trying to decide what he can, or should, tell us. ¡°Because you aren¡¯t safe here.¡±


    I knew that the minute I stepped foot into this house. Why should I run now, knowing that my mother-in-law could just track me down?


    ¡°You¡¯re only here,¡± he continues after a moment, ¡°because of your marriage. And sooner or later¡± --he glances over his shoulder at the door-- ¡°she¡¯s not going to want the constant reminder.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± asks Nua, standing up, and he starts to pace, up on the little platform where Ava¡¯s bed is. Bayan smiles slightly again. ¡°I can help.¡±


    ¡°How do you know all this?¡± I ask quietly, and Bayan smiles slightly. ¡°Miss Lilly found me in one of these agencies, too.¡±


    I furrow my eyebrows. ¡°I thought, you said, she bought you.¡±


    Bayan nods. ¡°Well, it wasn¡¯t a very good agency. The good ones, they run like your parents¡¯ house, Master Aber. The bad ones are corrupt.¡±


    ¡°And they sell people?¡± asks Nua, raising his eyebrows, and Bayan just shrugs. ¡°Sometimes.¡±


    ¡°Why are you telling us this?¡± I ask, burying my face in my hands. ¡°Why now?¡±


    ¡°Because the last thing that she told you two to do,¡± says Bayan softly, ¡°was to find Penny.¡±


    And I drop my hands, and slowly look up at him. Nua glances at me, and says, ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to do that,¡± says Bayan, ¡°because I¡¯ve already found him.¡±


    And I stand, going to him, and grab his collar, forcing him into the wall. ¡°It¡¯s Sloan.¡±


    ¡°Aber,¡± says Nua in shock, but Bayan just lifts his chin, smiling slightly. ¡°Who¡¯s Sloan?¡±


    ¡°The person you talk to in the middle of the night,¡± I say softly, glancing over my shoulder. ¡°Sloan. He knows Penny, he talks to you for Penny-¡±


    ¡°She,¡± corrects Bayan calmly, ¡°knows Penny.¡±


    I look at him, and then slowly let go of him. I take a step back, and Nua says, ¡°What are you talking about?¡±


    ¡°She can get you to him,¡± says Bayan softly, and then looks over my shoulder at Nua. ¡°Penny and I¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been talking, for a while now,¡± I say. ¡°But you never told her.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± asks Nua, looking dumbstruck, sitting back down on the windowsill. ¡°How did you find out?¡±


    ¡°He overheard us one night,¡± says Bayan softly, and I look at him. ¡°Did you see me? Why didn¡¯t you ever say anything?¡±


    ¡°I suspected,¡± says Bayan quietly. ¡°But you¡¯re right, Master Aber. Sloan can bring you to Penny.¡±


    ¡°Why should we trust her?¡±


    ¡°Do you trust me?¡± asks Bayan, and I look at him. He looks at the ground. ¡°Your wife did.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± I say quietly, looking at Nua. ¡°I know. We trust you.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± says Bayan, looking back up at me. ¡°Then you can trust Sloan, and you can trust Penny.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯d come with us, right?¡± I ask, and he hesitates. Nua looks at him. ¡°Bayan, we wouldn¡¯t just leave you here.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d be alright,¡± he says quietly, and Nua laughs humorlessly. ¡°Look in a mirror.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯d probably want us to bring you, you know,¡± I say quietly. Bayan shuts his eyes for a quick moment, smiling, then opens them again and nods to us. He¡¯s finished, he¡¯s going to the door. ¡°I¡¯ll sort it out for the both of you. Penny and I have been in contact for a while.¡±


    ¡°But you never told my wife.¡±


    Bayan pauses at the door, then turns back to me. He exhales, pressing his lips together, then shakes his head. ¡°No, Master Aber.¡±


    Nua over by the window laughs again, but it¡¯s dry. ¡°You hid her twin from her.¡±


    Bayan keeps looking at me. ¡°Penny asked me to. Their mother doesn¡¯t know that I know, Master Nua, Master Aber, I couldn¡¯t risk...¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur, picking at my fingers. ¡°Yeah, I get it.¡±


    When I look up again, he¡¯s gone.

 chapter 4

    So that¡¯s that, then. We¡¯re going to see Penny.


    I have no idea how. I have no idea if Bayan has talked to Sloan since the time I overheard them. I have no idea how Bayan met Sloan and found Penny in the first place. I don¡¯t know anything. All I know is that Bayan has promised us that he is going to get us out of here, and that is, along with being the only piece of news Nua and I have had in the past few weeks, the best news I think I¡¯ve ever heard.


    All day after he tells us, though, I¡¯m wracked by nerves. I can¡¯t stop thinking about Ava and Keol and Penny even though I¡¯ve never seen Penny and I don¡¯t know what he looks like, but I assume he looks like Ava. And I think about Abigala. The whole time I¡¯ve been here I¡¯ve wanted to get back to Abigala, my twin, and now I¡¯m running away to join my wife¡¯s twin, somewhere, I don¡¯t know where.


    After breakfast, Nua decides he¡¯s going to check the library again to see if Miss Lilly¡¯s unlocked it for some reason. I want to brush my teeth, so I go into the bathroom. Of course we¡¯re out of toothpaste, so I go into a drawer, and then another one, but it doesn¡¯t open all the way. Something is blocking it, and I furrow my eyebrows, kneeling down beside it. I reach in and feel a box, wedged between the back of the drawer and the shelf above it, and I manage to pull it out. My heart drops, and I stare at it for a moment, and then flip it open. On the inside of the top flap is a set of tally marks, eighteen in total scratched in pen, and Nua says from the doorway, ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    I turn it upside down, and about a dozen pregnancy tests clatter into the drawer in front of me. Nua furrows his eyebrows and comes to look, and then takes a deep breath. He takes the box from me, turning it over in his hands, and then says softly, ¡°99.9% accuracy guaranteed.¡±


    ¡°Was it her?¡± I ask in barely more than a whisper, looking up at him. ¡°Or Keol?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± answers Nua after a moment, looking at the tally marks. ¡°But with eighteen negatives¡­it was at least one of them.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I mutter, rising to my feet. Nua says, ¡°Aber,¡± but I go past him into our room, and then into Keol¡¯s little bedroom off of it and close the door.


    I sit there for a little while, staring down at the beach. It¡¯s cloudy, and the waves are choppy and harsh. After a few minutes there¡¯s a scratching sound at the door, and I jump, and then look back at it. I reach over and open it, and Shiv the cat jumps onto the bed, and then freezes, looking at me.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say softly. ¡°You¡¯re not looking for me, are you.¡±


    Shiv just meows at me, and I turn back to the window. After a moment she comes up next to me, rubbing her head against my hand, and sits down next to me.


    I scratch her behind her ears. ¡°You lost your two favorite people, didn¡¯t you.¡±


    She seems to sigh, and I do too, and lie down. She curls up against my stomach, putting her head on her paws, and closes her eyes. I haven¡¯t thought about that night in a while, the night that I spent with Ava, mostly because I just don¡¯t want to. It was early on, earlier than I¡¯d like to admit, and I always wondered for a little while afterwards what Keol thought, the whole night that he had to sleep alone. Most nights he slept in Ava¡¯s bed with her, only occasionally he came back here to this little room off of mine and Nua¡¯s. The night that I spent with her was one of those times. And the day after, he told me that I wasn¡¯t fooling him, and I wasn¡¯t fooling Ava, and all that mattered was who she chose, not what we wanted. And every night after that, she chose him, until they both died. But I wasn¡¯t trying to fool anyone of anything. I never got a chance to sleep next to Ava like he did every night, crawl into bed with her and just fall asleep like Nua and I do now. I would have liked that. I would have liked it with Keol, too. I wonder if Ava and Keol and I ever would have all shared a bed, the way Ava and Nua and I did after Keol died.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    He kissed me once, down by the fountain in the backyard. I¡¯ve thought about that kiss a lot. It was the first time Ava kissed me, too. It was the first time I¡¯ve ever been kissed. She kissed me, and then he did, and then they kissed each other, and then they had sex on the ground in front of me, until I got up and left. But that night, I went to Ava¡¯s bedroom, and I spent the night with her, leaving Keol alone, here, in the room I¡¯m lying in right now. Did they do that on purpose? Did they talk about it beforehand, did they decide to do it? Or did it just happen? Did Ava tell Keol, her prominent, her favorite husband, that she wanted to sleep with me, and they made it happen? Did Keol want to kiss me? Did he ever want to do it again, but he never got the chance?


    The clouds are rolling by in the sky, outside over the sand. I¡¯m so lost in thought that the moon rises over the water and I hardly even notice it, until Shiv rolls over onto her back, away from me, her paws in the air, and stretches.


    My stomach rumbles. I haven¡¯t eaten all day. I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling tears trickle out onto my temple and over my nose, and I wipe them away, and reach over for Keol¡¯s pillow. Shiv stands up, and walks around me. I roll over to watch, to see if she wants to leave, but then she steps on my stomach and crawls over me. ¡°Ouch.¡±


    She just sits down next to me again, and I lie on my back, running my hand over her. ¡°Do you miss her?¡±


    She purrs. I¡¯m talking to a cat. We just lie there for a moment, and then there¡¯s a knock at the door. It¡¯s not Bayan, I know because Bayan¡¯s knock is always the same, and after a moment Nua opens the door and looks down at me. ¡°Come to bed.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m in bed,¡± I say quietly, running my hand over the cat, and Nua scoffs. ¡°Fine.¡±


    He turns and leaves, letting the door shut behind him, and I feel bad. Shiv picks her head up and makes a mrow at me, and I sigh. ¡°Yeah, I know.¡±


    But my stomach rumbles again as I sit up, and I say, ¡°Have you eaten today?¡±


    Her ears prick up, and I smile a little. The house is quiet, and as we go down the stairs I see the light from Miss Lilly¡¯s office shine under the door. I sneak past and we go down to the kitchen. I wonder where Bayan is as I open a can of cat food and put it on the ground. Shiv begins to eat happily, and I open the fridge.


    I¡¯m hungry, but I don¡¯t want to eat anything. Finally I just grab a pear, and I can hear Shiv eating still as I run it under the sink for a moment.  Then I crouch next to her as I take a bite, and she pauses, looking up at me to gauge if she needs to defend her treasure. When she decides I¡¯m not a threat she continues to eat, and I take a few more bites. Shiv is done, but she just sits on the ground, her tail waving lazily behind her, and I finish the pear.


    I throw the core in the trash, and then I reach down and pick up the cat. She struggles a little, but not much, and I put my arm under her belly. She fidgets as I carry her up the stairs and into our room, and then I change my mind and go to Ava¡¯s. Nua¡¯s already in bed, but he always takes the side of the bed that¡¯s closer to the bathroom door, and opens his eyes as I come in. As I dump the cat on the bed he says, ¡°You¡¯re losing weight.¡±


    I don¡¯t answer, just going around to the other side of the bed, and he rolls over to see me again. ¡°You¡¯re starting to look like her.¡±


    I smile a little. Ava was always skinny, but it wasn¡¯t ever a good kind of skinny. You could tell she was sick just by looking at her, by how pale her skin was, how frail her body was when she moved. ¡°I had a pear.¡±


    ¡°Oh, good,¡± murmurs Nua, sounding sarcastic, and I pull some of the blankets away from him. He opens his eyes again, and says softly, ¡°You know you made her happy, right?¡±


    I put my arm under my head and look at him. Shiv is walking in a circle at the end of the bed, and then she lies down and is still.


    ¡°Before you came she never took us into town,¡± he says. ¡°Or out to swim in the middle of the night. I never watched TV with her, I hardly even talked to her.¡±


    The curtains behind me are open slightly, and a shaft of moonlight falls over us. It reflects in his eyes even with his blond hair falling in front of them; I never noticed how blue they are.


    ¡°She loved Keol, and was happy with him, but she had given up on Penny, and on herself. She didn¡¯t want to get married again, but I think she loved you.¡±


    I exhale, feeling tears in my eyes yet again, and roll onto my back. Nua moves a little too, and says, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say softly, taking a deep breath. He reaches out for me, his fingers stroking across my cheek gently, and then he pulls his hand away. ¡°She was a little bit more alive, because of you.¡±


    I smile, feeling a tear trickle down my temple, and ask, ¡°Do you miss her?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± answers Nua easily, and I look over at him. He wraps the blankets around him a little more and shrugs. ¡°I do.¡±


    ¡°I do, too,¡± I murmur, and he smiles a little. ¡°At least we still got each other.¡±


    ¡°You sound like a bad book,¡± I say, and he laughs. I can¡¯t help but smile too, and he whispers, ¡°And we¡¯ll be out of here, soon.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say quietly. ¡°That¡¯s good.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good.¡±

 chapter 5

    Soon, we¡¯ll be out of here soon, when is soon?


    Bayan does not mention anything to us for the next few days. The trees behind the backyard are turning orange and yellow and brown, and I wonder if I¡¯ll be able to see the electric fence when the leaves are gone. It runs all around Miss Lilly¡¯s property, to make sure we don¡¯t run away, but Bayan knows how to turn it off, even just for a moment, so that he can talk to Sloan. And now he¡¯s going to turn it off for us.


    I¡¯m antsy and on edge. Nua probably is too, but he¡¯s a lot better at hiding it than me. He reads his book again, and he tries to make me calmer, but not much can do it. Shiv the cat also seems to notice that something is up, because she sleeps in between us every night. It¡¯s actually her that wakes me up one night, when the moonlight shines through the gap in the curtains. I wake up to her tail in my face, and then someone¡¯s hand touches my arm. ¡°Master Aber.¡±


    ¡°Stop doing that,¡± I murmur, rolling over, and then I open my eyes. Nua sits up, and reaches out for my shoulder. I sit up too. ¡°Bayan.¡±


    He looks at us, a shadow in the dark, and says softly, ¡°Come with me.¡±


    And Nua and I look at each other, and then we roll out of bed and follow him.


    He waits for us in the hallway, and then jerks his head down the stairs. I didn¡¯t even look at the clock, but it must be early in the morning, because all Miss Lilly¡¯s lights are off, and Nua notices the same. ¡°Is she sleeping?¡± he asks quietly in to the stillness of the house, and Bayan nods, pressing his finger to his lips. ¡°I put something in her dinner.¡±


    ¡°You didn¡¯t,¡± I whisper, and he just smiles slightly. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. Shh.¡±


    And so we¡¯re quiet, all the way until we get down to the living room on the first floor. There¡¯s a bag on the ground, and Bayan nods to it. ¡°Clothes.¡±


    Nua picks it up, putting it on his shoulder, and looks out into the backyard, the darkness of night. Bayan takes a deep breath. ¡°I have to go to the foyer to do all the controls, but I¡¯ll open the doors for you.¡±


    I glance at Nua, and then back at Bayan. ¡°You have three minutes to get to the fence,¡± he says softly. ¡°You have to get over it quick.¡±


    ¡°How tall is it?¡± asks Nua, and Bayan shrugs. ¡°I don¡¯t know. But you¡¯ll only have a minute before I turn it back on again.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I ask, and he rubs his lips together, and then says softly, ¡°She can access the logs, to see when it gets turned off or on. She never checks, so it¡¯s usually fine, but when she realizes you two are missing¡­¡±


    Nua and I look at each other.


    ¡°Every so often,¡± he says quietly, ¡°it turns off on its own so it doesn¡¯t surge. But never for more than a minute. So I have to make it look like one of those.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± says Nua softly. ¡°Okay, we can do it.¡±


    Can we? But when Nua looks at me I nod, and Bayan nods too. ¡°Just go straight back. Sloan should be there, but even if you don¡¯t see her, get over the fence as soon as you can. You¡¯ll be able to tell when it¡¯s off.¡±


    We¡¯re quiet. Bayan glances between us. ¡°Are you ready?¡±


    My heart is pounding in my chest. I look around the living room, at the couch, the television, the table, and I look into the dining room, where I sat and listened to Bayan and Sloan, when I thought they didn¡¯t know I was eavesdropping. And then there¡¯s a noise on the stairs, and we all turn around in shock. I inhale sharply, and then after a moment Shiv the cat comes trotting in to meet us.


    Tears spring to my eyes, and I fall to my knees, reaching for her. She comes to me, rubbing her face against my hands, and I scratch her behind the ears, and then I rise to my feet again. Nua looks at me, and then at Bayan. I take a deep, shuddering breath, and then say, ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± repeats Nua. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly, and gestures to the sliding glass door. ¡°You¡¯ll hear it click when it unlocks,¡± he says softly, ¡°and you¡¯ll have three minutes to get to the fence.¡±


    ¡°One minute to get over,¡± I say softly, and he nods, and then reaches down and picks up the cat. She squirms, and I say, ¡°Take care of her.¡±


    Bayan smiles and nods, and says, ¡°Take care of Penny for me.¡±


    Nua grins at that, his fingers touching mine. ¡°We¡¯ll come back for you, Bayan.¡±


    He smiles slightly, and then like a shadow at dawn, he disappears.


    Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    I take another deep breath, and turn to the door. Four minutes. We have four minutes to get out of this house, to get away from Miss Lilly, and if we do it, we¡¯ll be gone, forever. We¡¯ll be gone from Ava and all our memories of her, but we¡¯ll be free, and that¡¯s what she wanted. We¡¯ll be with her twin, and all of her boys will be safe, which is all she wanted. All of her boys, except Keol. And Bayan, but just for now, because we¡¯ll be back for him.


    And then the door makes a soft click noise, and Nua goes to it and gently slides it open. Four minutes. Three fifty-nine. Three fifty-eight.


    He waits for me to get out to the back porch too, and then slides it shut again. And then he takes a deep breath of the fresh air we¡¯ve been missing for weeks, and reaches out his hand for me. I take it. And we run.


    Three forty-five.


    It¡¯s hard to run holding hands, though, so we let go as we hit the grass. We sprint between the pool and the fountain, along the grass behind it, I¡¯ve never been so far back here. Three, two fifty-nine, two fifty-eight. And then we hit the trees, and Nua stops, turning around, and looks up at the house. ¡°Oh, god.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t stop,¡± I whisper. ¡°Not now. Let¡¯s go.¡± Two thirty.


    And so we keep going. Nua¡¯s got the bag on his back, so he goes behind me, and we go into the trees. There¡¯s too many of them, I never realized how many there were, and the leaves have been starting to fall. They crunch under my feet, and I wince with the noise, but there¡¯s no time to think. Two fifteen, two fourteen, two thirteen. We have to be there by now, how big is Miss Lilly¡¯s property? Where is this fence? Two minutes. We only have one minute to find it now, and one to get over it. Nua catches up to me and pokes me in the back, and I take another step forward, and then duck under a branch. ¡°Nua.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s here somewhere,¡± he says, slightly out of breath. ¡°We¡¯re almost there.¡±


    One forty-five, one forty-four, one forty-three, and then he says, ¡°Listen.¡±


    There¡¯s a low humming noise drifting through the leaves, and I look back at him. He nods. ¡°Keep going.¡±


    It only takes me a few more steps forward around a few more trees to see it. A huge metal wire fence right in the forest, a line of trees cleared to make room for it, and it makes a noise in the night. There¡¯s a sign on it a little ways down, but I can¡¯t read it from here. One thirty. One twenty-nine.


    Nua joins me, and takes a deep breath. ¡°Any second now.¡±


    One twenty. One nineteen.


    His fingers curl around mine, and then squeeze, and I take a deep shuddering breath to calm down. ¡°It¡¯s gotta go,¡± I whisper, ¡°it¡¯s gotta turn off.¡±


    One ten, one nine, one eight.


    ¡°It will,¡± says Nua. ¡°Bayan¡¯s got it.¡±


    One two, one one. And the noise fades away, leaving a vacuum in the air, and I make a noise. Nua lets go of my fingers and takes the bag off his shoulder, and then heaves it in the air. It soars over the fence and lands on the other side with a thud, crunching a few dozen leaves. I wince. Nua goes to the fence himself, and puts his hand on it. ¡°Come on.¡±


    And he hoists himself up, and begins to climb.


    Forty-five. I have to go, now. I follow him up, all the way to the top, I¡¯m panting, my sleeve gets caught on a piece of metal but I rip it off and then take the tiny piece of fabric left behind with me. Thirty. Nua puts one leg over and then the other, and starts to climb down. Fifteen. When he¡¯s about halfway down he jumps, and looks up at me. ¡°Hurry.¡±


    I swing my legs over, too. The top of the fence isn¡¯t barbed or anything, but it¡¯s pointy and metal and there are tears in my eyes, I¡¯m so scared, and Nua¡¯s looking up at me in desperation, and I just let go. And I fall to the ground, slamming into the dirt. The fence begins to hum again, and I roll onto my back. ¡°Ow.¡±


    Nua comes to my side, reaching out his hand. ¡°You okay?¡±


    I look up at him, and he smiles a little as I grab his hand. He pulls me up, and says, ¡°We¡¯re on the other side of the fence.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I say, ¡°we are.¡±


    A twig snaps behind us, and we both turn. I feel fear ripping its way through me, and then someone steps out of the shadows, holding a broken branch in her hands. Sloan smiles, tossing it to the side, and says, ¡°Aber and Nua LeGatte.¡±


    ¡°I suppose,¡± I mutter. She grins again, and then looks back in the direction of house through the trees. ¡°I¡¯m Sloan. I¡¯ve heard a lot about you.¡±


    Nua looks over his shoulder, back at the beach house too, and sighs. He¡¯s been here for over a year by this point. I wonder if he got used to it, before I came, before they died. ¡°We¡¯ll go get Bayan soon, right?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll figure something out,¡± says Sloan quietly. She jerks her head into the trees. ¡°Come on.¡±


    ¡°Where are we going?¡± I ask quietly, and she grins a little. ¡°Aren¡¯t you here to see Penny?¡±


    Nua smiles a little too, looking up at the sky, and then reaches down. He picks up the bag and puts it over his shoulder again, and says, ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± says Sloan, starting to move, and we follow. ¡°The entrance is just a mile or so this way.¡±


    Entrance? I look at Nua, but he seems as confused as me. He just shrugs. The moonlight shines through the leaves, falling in a patchwork like feathers on the ground, and the air is crisp. Nua and I haven¡¯t been outside in a while, I forgot how good it feels and only now am I recognizing it. I¡¯ve always loved the fall.


    Sloan seems to know exactly where she¡¯s going, even though everything looks the same to me. It¡¯s spooky, being in a forest in the middle of the night, but she slips through the trees like wind, dressed all in black so no one can see her. Her skin is as dark as night, and her hair is cut short above her ears so it¡¯s not distracting. My hair and Nua¡¯s have both been growing for months, mine is longer than I think it¡¯s ever been and his is around his shoulders now, it keeps falling into his eyes. But we just keep going, as quiet as we can over the leaves and the roots and the trees, until finally after around twenty minutes she slows to a stop. ¡°Come here.¡±


    And we go to her side, and she points down at the ground. In the middle of the grass and the moss is what looks like a manhole cover, and she crouches down next to it, and then with some effort lifts it up and out of the ground, revealing a very narrow hole in the ground. Nua exhales out, catching his breath, and says, ¡°Are we going into the sewer?¡±


    Sloan smiles slightly. ¡°No, but we are going underground. Are you ready?¡±


    I take a deep breath of fresh air one more time, and nod. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°I have to take you one at a time,¡± she says softly. ¡°It¡¯s hard to get in there, on purpose, and I can¡¯t worry about both of you at the same time. Who¡¯s first?¡±


    She looks between us, and I look at Nua. He nods at me. ¡°You go.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯ll only take a few minutes for each of you,¡± says Sloan with a slight smile. Nua nods, reaching out his hand. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, Aber. I¡¯ll wait here.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± I say, taking his hand, and then I draw him in for a hug. When we separate, Sloan is in the whole, only her head sticking out into the night air. She gestures for me to follow. ¡°After me.¡±


    Alright, I think, as her head disappears. I go to look in the whole myself; there¡¯s a very narrow ladder made out of metal rings sticking out of one side, and Sloan¡¯s on her way down. I slowly put my foot on the top rung, and look up at Nua. He smiles. Here I go.

 chapter 6

    The ladder is long and the hole is deep. Sloan¡¯s a few rungs below me, and she calls out as we go. ¡°Don¡¯t look down,¡± is the first thing she says, her deep voice echoing around us. ¡°Trust your feet, you¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    I don¡¯t know if I trust my feet, but I trust Bayan, and he trusts Sloan. After a few minutes of going down, she says, ¡°Your next rung is to the right.¡±


    My foot hangs in the air for a moment, and then I move it over. She¡¯s right; so is the ladder, and then it keeps going down. A few minutes later, she says, ¡°To the right again.¡±


    And then a few minutes later, ¡°To the left.¡±


    And then I hear her hop down onto solid ground, and I finally look down. I have a few rungs left, and then I join her. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± she says with a smile. ¡°Almost there.¡±


    We¡¯re in the middle of a tunnel, small and concrete, and dark, very dark. My eyes adjust after a moment, and I see Sloan. She gestures for me to follow her, and we go. The ceiling of the tunnel begins to get shorter, and we both have to duck our heads to keep going. After a little ways of going, she says, ¡°Don¡¯t step here.¡±


    I stop, looking down at the ground. Sloan reaches up above her and hits the ceiling, and then hits it in another spot, and dust rains down. She shifts a tile out of the way, and then suddenly the beam of a flashlight sweeps across me. Then she aims it at the ground, and I see small plants poking out of cracks in the walls and the floor. She points it forward, and I see the plants covering the floor for as far as the light goes.


    ¡°What is that?¡± I ask, and she sighs. ¡°Gympie. We think. And it¡¯s very toxic. If it touches you, you could die.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I say in shock, and she shrugs. ¡°Trust me. But we have to go through it to get to Penny, so follow me, and be careful. I¡¯ve done this before.¡±


    And she grasps the flashlight in her fist and reaches out so that it¡¯s shining down on our feet at an angle. She steps lightly in between two of the plants, and then takes a big step to put her toes on a clear space again, and looks back at me.


    You¡¯ve got to be kidding me. I follow her, gingerly stepping between two of the plants, and she moves forward to the next clear spot. I take her place. And we go, one after the other, the small circle of the light from the flashlight illuminating just our feet as we go. The plants are everywhere, they don¡¯t look too bad, they just look like leaves of a tree, but Sloan is taking too much precaution for me to be any measure of comfortable. After a few minutes she says, ¡°You good?¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± I say softly. ¡°How did all this get here?¡±


    ¡°No idea,¡± she says, taking another big step forward to the next small clearing. ¡°But it¡¯s a good electric fence of our own, of sorts.¡±


    I manage a smile, and we continue in silence. Finally she leaps from her little spot and shines the flashlight back for me, and I take the last step through the gympie. I breathe out a sigh of relief, and she smiles a little. ¡°Okay,¡± she says softly. ¡°Stay here. I¡¯ll go get Nua, and then we can go.¡±


    And so I¡¯m left alone in the dark, as she dances away through the gympie plants. The air is heavy and wet and I reach out to touch the wall near me in the darkness. I take a deep breath, and hear something echoing down the tunnel. It¡¯s nothing, I tell myself, a bug or a rat or something, it¡¯s fine. Bayan wouldn¡¯t send us anywhere we wouldn¡¯t be safe. At least nowhere that¡¯s less safe than Miss Lilly¡¯s house. Even if we have to walk through a forest of poison plants to get there.


    Just a few minutes, she said, and I count to sixty, and then I count to sixty again. My eyes are adjusting, and I can see the plants in front of me. I glance down the tunnel, trying to figure out what¡¯s behind me, but I can¡¯t. Finally after what seems like hours, the light comes around the corner again, and I see Sloan, leading Nua one step at a time.


    She jumps out of the gympie again, and then Nua does, and he puts the bag down on the ground and wraps his arms around me. I squeeze him back, tight as I can, and then he takes a deep breath. Sloan is just waiting, and he picks up the bag again and puts it on his shoulder. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡± she asks, and I nod. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re almost there,¡± she says with a smile, as she hits the ceiling again. This time she gets the right cracked concrete tile on the first try, and she slides the flashlight up into the hole and puts it back. ¡°All the hard parts are done. Now we walk.¡±


    And we walk. The tunnel gets taller, thankfully, and then it gets wider. Soon Nua and I can walk next to each other comfortably with space between us and on either side, and it keeps getting bigger. We keep going, and the concrete turns to dirt under our feet. We turn one corner, and then another, the ceiling rising curved above us. She keeps looking back over her shoulder at us, as if making sure we¡¯re still following her down the road.


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    Is it a road? The ground is tightly packed dirt, but I can see bits of metal mixed in. Nua grasps my hand as we go, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. The first tent surprises us; a lantern sits outside of it, casting a light glow on the walls. And then another one pops up, on the other side of the road. A shopping cart sits outside of it, full of blankets and clothes and other cloth things. And then we come across more and more makeshift shelters: real tents, blankets propped up with sticks, tiny wooden structures, and on and on. They become more and more tightly packed together until it¡¯s hard to tell where one ends and another starts; they¡¯re all small and dirty and there¡¯s no light down here except the occasional lantern or flashlight, perched on the side of the road or balanced precariously on top of one of the structures. Eyes peek out to look at us as we pass; someone comes down the road towards us and then slips into a tent a little ways ahead. Sloan looks back at us, and sees us looking. She stops, and turns, waiting for us to catch up, and then gestures around us. ¡°Welcome to Tent City.¡±


    I can feel Nua¡¯s fingers squeezing around mine, and he says quietly, ¡°What is this place?¡±


    ¡°I just told you,¡± says Sloan, dropping her arms and turning around. ¡°Tent City.¡±


    I smile a little, glancing at him, and then we keep going. We come to an intersection; Sloan goes left without thinking. We must have been walking for a mile or more by this point; there must be hundreds of people here. Sloan knows exactly where we are; she must have lived here for a while. People smile at her as we pass, someone calls her name and she waves. Finally we come to one big four-way intersection, with a few makeshift buildings constructed in the middle. But over them I can see the tunnel continuing to stretch further back, and the tunnels running perpendicular off the left and right sides. Even in the middle of the night there are people wandering, sitting, tending small fires and leading the smoke away from their tents. I suppose they don¡¯t really care what time of day it is down here. And Sloan goes to the building in the middle of the huge space, jerking her head for us to follow. No one pays us any mind. Someone walks between us and Sloan, and we let them pass, and then we go.


    ¡°Penny,¡± says Sloan, knocking on the little piece of wood that I assume is supposed to be a door. There¡¯s someone inside, and he turns to us, and Nua says, ¡°Holy shit.¡±


    I¡¯m thinking the same thing, but I don¡¯t know what to say. My breath catches in my throat. Penny just smiles a little, and says, ¡°Striking, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Neither of us can answer. Penny just looks at Sloan and says, ¡°Can you get her?¡± and Sloan nods, leaving us alone with him. He¡¯s tall and he¡¯s skinny and his face is almost just like Ava¡¯s, except his nose is a little smaller and his eyes a bit father apart, but everything else is exactly the same.


    ¡°You must be Aber and Nua,¡± he says after a moment. ¡°I¡¯m assuming that, because based on your faces I¡¯m assuming you know my sister.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say slowly. ¡°And based on your face I¡¯m assuming you¡¯re her twin.¡±


    Penny looks at me, and then laughs. ¡°Yeah. Welcome to Tent City.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, everyone keeps saying that,¡± says Nua faintly. He finally drops my hand and rubs his face, the bag still on his shoulder, and then says, ¡°Can you explain?¡±


    Penny takes a deep breath, leaning his head back, and his hair falls in front of his eyes. He shakes it out in a very Ava-like way, and then says, ¡°Come here.¡±


    And so we go over to the table that he was leaning over when we came in. On it, unfurled across the whole thing, is a hand-made map of all the tunnels that we have just gone through. ¡°You came in here.¡±


    He points to a spot on the map marked with an x, and when I look at the rest of the map there are a few, scattered across. Penny draws a line with his finger, from the x along the paths until there¡¯s a turn upwards that goes right the big circle in the middle. ¡°Southwest entrance, north avenue, Tent City.¡± He puts his hand on the circle in the middle. ¡°This whole thing, all these tunnels? Abandoned train rails.¡±


    ¡°Train rails?¡± asks Nua in surprise. He looks at the map, and then says, ¡°Why are they abandoned?¡±


    ¡°No one¡¯s used them in a while,¡± says Penny. ¡°The trains that used to run here, the subway, it¡¯s old-fashioned. They¡¯ve had better ones now for decades, the ones that run above ground.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve been on those,¡± I murmur, and Penny looks at me, and smiles. ¡°Yeah. They started using the above-ground trains a while ago, after it became too hard to maintain them down here, and after people stopped using cars, anyway. These tunnels have been here, though, this whole time. And a while ago, a few people, running away from their families, they found them. And here we are.¡±


    ¡°Here we are,¡± whispers Nua. He looks up at Penny again, who smiles softly. ¡°You¡¯re safe now. I promise.¡±


    And for the first time since we left Miss Lilly¡¯s house the knot in the pit of my stomach subsides, and I press my fists into my eyes and smile. ¡°Oh, my god.¡±


    ¡°You alright?¡± asks Nua, and I nod. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    And then the knot comes back, and I look up at him, and at Penny. ¡°We have to get Bayan, though.¡±


    Something flashes across Penny¡¯s face, and he nods. ¡°I know. He sent you here, right?


    Nua nods too. ¡°Your sister told us to find you.¡±


    ¡°Hm,¡± he says, grinning slightly. ¡°I¡¯m not surprised. She¡¯s idealistic.¡±


    It must be a slip of the tongue, but hearing him speak about her in the present tense makes my heart clench. Nua looks at me, noticing the same thing, and I wonder suddenly if Penny even knows his twin is dead. He interrupts our thoughts, though, before we can say anything. ¡°Did you live in that huge beach house?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Nua, nodding again, and Penny sighs, smiling slightly. ¡°Yeah. Our mother moved us there when my sister started to get sick, and then she, you know, sold me away. But it did seem to do wonders for her lungs, didn¡¯t it?¡±


    I raise my eyebrows. He doesn¡¯t know. Nua swallows. ¡°Penny.¡±


    ¡°Well, other than the forced marriages, I presume,¡± he says, gesturing to us, and stands up to fiddle with something behind him on the table. Nua glances at me, but before he can speak, I blurt out, ¡°She¡¯s dead.¡±


    Penny whirls around to look at me, his eyes widening in surprise. Nua swallows again, taking a slight step back, and I stare at him. But after a moment he just laughs.


    I blink, glancing at Nua, but he looks just as confused as I do. Penny grins wider, which is not the reaction I was expecting, his eyes darting away. Then he looks back to me and says, ¡°Well, if hell is a place, I¡¯m guessing doesn¡¯t get any worse than this.¡±


    ¡°I like how you assume,¡± says a quiet voice from behind us, ¡°that I¡¯d go to hell.¡±


    I know that voice, that high, light, slightly raspy voice that holds the pain of a thousand lives and loves lost, that voice I thought I would never hear again. Nua and I whirl around, both our jaws dropping open, and Penny laughs at the sight of us.


    She¡¯s leaning against the doorframe the way she does, her slender arms crossed in front of her chest, and her blonde hair bounces as she looks up.


    No one speaks for a solid half-minute, and then she says gently, ¡°Hello, boys.¡±


    I gape at her. Nua does the same.


    Ava grins slightly. ¡°I¡¯m afraid you¡¯re not quite as widowed as you thought.¡±

 chapter 7

    Nua recovers his ability to speak first, and he lets the bag fall off his shoulder to the ground, taking a step away from the ghost in the doorway. ¡°How¡­¡±


    Penny steps around us, going to his sister, and I can¡¯t even breathe. They¡¯re the same, there¡¯s no denying that. Tall and skinny, although she has a slight edge over him on both fronts, but their hair is the same shade of blonde with just the right amount of light brown streaking through, their eyes the same glistening hazel in the dim light. She looks paler than he does, but I suppose that can be attributed to the dying-and-coming-back-to-life thing that she¡¯s done recently.


    Nua says it again. ¡°How¡­¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re dead,¡± I say quietly, and she smiles, then shakes her head. Penny sniffs, then says, ¡°Let¡¯s all take a seat before these two faint.¡±


    She glances at him, affection in her eyes, and then nods and reaches both her hands out to us. Nua and I glance at each each other, and then he slowly picks up the bag again, and we hesitantly take her hands. Her fingers interlace with mine, familiar, bony and strong, these are her hands, there¡¯s no doubt about that. Her skin isn¡¯t cold nor feverish, not like how she felt when I touched her in last few days we spent together. She feels warm. She feels new. She feels alive.


    Penny leads her leading us out of the building in the middle of the intersection, and down the tunnel to the left. It¡¯s all lit by electric and battery-powered lanterns and flashlights, and everything is dirty. And then Penny brings us into a tent with a hole in the ceiling, and a fire lit in the center of it. The smoke drifts up through the hole and away into the earth, and there are a few old chairs around it. Ava lets go of our hands and sits down in one of the chairs, sighing. Penny leans against the back of it and gestures for us to do the same.


    Neither of us can take our eyes off her. The smoke rising from the fire between distorts her slightly but we¡¯re used to her being surrounded by a cloud, although it seems she¡¯s stuck to her resolution to stop the cigarettes as she touches her twin brother¡¯s arm with a shaking hand. He grins at her, then looks over the flames at us. ¡°You probably have a few questions.¡±


    ¡°You died,¡± says Nua quietly, and she laughs a little. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± he whispers. ¡°You died. In your sleep. We woke up, but you didn¡¯t, Bayan carried you away, you weren¡¯t breathing, we thought you were dead, we thought we watched you die.¡±


    She purses her lips, nodding like all of it is new information, and then says quietly, ¡°Penny, can you get us some coffee or something?¡±


    ¡°Of course, duckling,¡± he says, smiling at her, and touches her head before slipping out of the tent, leaving us alone with our very alive very not-dead wife. Nua says it again. ¡°We watched you die.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not denying that I died,¡± she responds, staring at her hand. She¡¯s holding it out in front of her, watching her fingers tremble like they did when she had just stopped smoking. I stare at her. I never thought I¡¯d see her again, I thought she was trapped forever in memory but she¡¯s here, sitting in front of us, breathing in the underground rebel air. ¡°Ava.¡±


    She clenches her fist and looks up at me, and then laughs, burying her face in her hands, and sweeps her hair away. ¡°Okay. I know. You want answers.¡±


    ¡°We need answers,¡± says Nua harshly, and she looks at him, unperturbed. ¡°I¡¯m not sure that I have them all, Nua, but I¡¯ll try my best.¡±


    ¡°You died,¡± I say quietly, one more time, and she looks at me, a grin pulling on her lips. ¡°Oh, Aber, you think my mother would just let me go that easy?¡±


    We both stare at her, and she adjusts herself on the chair, pulling her sweater around her, and thinks for a second of how to best explain. She has her wedding ring on her left ring finger, but also another golden band around her thumb. ¡°I did die. You¡¯re right. I died for about five minutes. But my mother, she was going to do anything to make sure I didn¡¯t stay that way. The doctors, they were monitoring me, night and day, remember?¡±


    She holds up her finger and wiggles it, and I say softly, ¡°The vitals thingy.¡±


    ¡°They could tell when I was about to die. You said Bayan took me away, I don¡¯t remember that. All I know is what he told me, that he put me in the ambulance. My mother had donated me. My body, I mean. To the doctors.¡±


    ¡°What, did they experiment on you?¡± asks Nua, and she shrugs. ¡°They¡¯ve been working on this, yes, experimental new procedure to transplant healthy organs to those who died of an isolated organ incident. I was sick in my lungs, so they tried it.¡±


    ¡°They gave you new lungs?¡±


    ¡°Healthy ones,¡± she says, touching her chest with a slight smile, ¡°and a heart, because mine had stopped beating. They weren¡¯t sure if they¡¯d have to do that part.¡±


    Her voice trails off at the end, and she stares into the fire again, her fingers curling against her collarbone, but then she takes a deep breath and looks up at us. ¡°It worked.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nua, exhaling, and leaning back. ¡°Apparently.¡±


    ¡°So you have someone else¡¯s¡­¡±


    ¡°Lungs,¡± she answers when I don¡¯t finish my sentence, ¡°and heart, yes. People who volunteered to donate their organs before they died. And they managed to get the organs of someone so recently deceased it wasn¡¯t that difficult to jumpstart the heart and get blood flowing, which eventually worked its way to my brain.¡±


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    We stare at her some more.


    ¡°Or something,¡± she finishes, rubbing the fingertips of her right hand together. ¡°It¡¯s a bit more complicated but I admit I wasn¡¯t exactly in the right mind when I woke up to listen to their explanation.¡±


    ¡°They cut you open?¡± I ask, and she smiles slightly, then lifts up her sweater. Over her chest is a mess of bandages, and stitches line her ribcage. Her skin is pale and the veins are visible bright blue through it as if she¡¯s translucent, as if she¡¯s dead. She should be dead. She died.


    ¡°When did this happen?¡± asks Nua quietly, and she shrugs. ¡°I was almost gone when Bayan took me away from you. He said I crashed in the ambulance, and they got me alive again at the hospital, and then put me under for surgery. They had to work fast. Bayan said the whole thing took about thirty-six hours.¡±


    ¡°But he, you, when he took you away, that was weeks ago,¡± murmurs Nua. ¡°You¡¯ve been alive all this time.¡±


    ¡°What about Keol?¡± I ask suddenly, hope flickering in the pit of my stomach, although I don¡¯t know why, the man always hated me, but maybe he¡¯s still-


    Ava shakes her head slightly, staring into the fire. ¡°No. He¡¯s dead, for real. I know that.¡±


    ¡°We got his ashes,¡± Nua reminds me, slightly absentmindedly as he stares at our wife, and I snort, gesturing to her. ¡°We thought we got her ashes, too.¡±


    ¡°She gave you my ashes?¡± says Ava, looking up at me, and I shake my head. ¡°Apparently not.¡±


    Penny comes back then, carrying a tray loaded with cups and cracked saucers. He holds one out to Ava, and she takes it carefully, her hands still shaking, and then he places the tray on the folding table next to us and says, ¡°Help yourselves.¡±


    Neither of us reach for it, and Ava takes a sip of her coffee, then nods to the tray. ¡°Drink.¡±


    Nua takes a cup and passes it to me, then one for himself, although he doesn¡¯t obey. ¡°You¡¯ve been alive all this time.¡±


    ¡°Bayan helped her,¡± says Penny as Ava drinks. ¡°He helped her figure out where I was and got her out of the hospital for me.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s how he knew,¡± I murmur, and Nua places his cup down on the table. ¡°You let us mourn.¡±


    Ava looks at him over the edge of her coffee cup, then sets it on the saucer and on the table next to her. ¡°You mourned for me?¡±


    He presses his lips together, not answering, and she leans forward. The dark circles under her eyes show up bright in the firelight. ¡°I know you¡¯re angry. And I¡¯m sorry. But I couldn¡¯t get to you, I couldn¡¯t risk getting to you without her finding out. I trusted Bayan, and obviously, that wasn¡¯t stupid.¡±


    ¡°He didn¡¯t tell us about you,¡± I say quietly. ¡°Just him.¡±


    ¡°That was my doing,¡± says Penny when I gesture to him. ¡°I didn¡¯t want him to scare you, make you think he was lying. And Ava, when she got to us, she was still recovering, I wasn¡¯t entirely sure she would even survive anyway.¡±


    Nua and Ava are still staring at each other, husband and wife in a silent argument only with their eyes, glistening hazel versus deep ocean blue. The firelight reflects in hers, and makes her blonde hair look orange. A tear trickles down Nua¡¯s cheek.


    ¡°Speaking of,¡± continues Penny in a quieter voice, ¡°Ava, you should get some rest.¡±


    ¡°Penny-¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve had quite an exciting day,¡± says Penny quietly, glancing at us. ¡°Come on.¡±


    She glares at him for a split second, but looking into the face of her other half that she¡¯s missed for two years, her gaze softens quickly and she allows him to lead her out of the tent. He comes back in a moment, followed by a big black dog, and takes his seat again, saying, ¡°She can make it back to her tent herself.¡±


    The dog sits next to him for a moment as he scratches behind its ears, and then curls up by the fire. Nua watches it, the light flickering across his unreadable expression, then stands up and walks behind our chair, then starts to pace. ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    ¡°Yes, you do,¡± says Penny quietly. ¡°You just haven¡¯t processed it yet.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s alive, been here for weeks on end? Her mother knows?¡±


    Penny makes a face, and Nua looks at him. For all their physical similarities, Penny and Ava don¡¯t seem to be much like each other personality-wise. We¡¯ve only known him for an hour and already he seems to wear his emotions on his sleeve, whereas his sister hid her disgust for her mother and pretty much everything else she felt. He doesn¡¯t feel the need to keep from us his contempt, though. ¡°Yes, she does. According to Bayan she flew into a rage when she found out, but he¡¯s not sure if it was just because she was so broken-hearted about losing her daughter for the second time, and so soon. I personally didn¡¯t think she has the emotional capability to feel guilt or sorrow, but anyway.¡±


    Neither of us disagree with him there, and he pauses for a moment, running his foot over the dog¡¯s back before saying, ¡°She didn¡¯t want you to know. Whosever ashes she gave you wasn¡¯t Ava¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°She gave us one urn,¡± I say quietly. ¡°She said that it was Keol and Ava mixed together.¡±


    ¡°Keol,¡± says Penny quietly, looking out the door where he had led Ava to her tent. ¡°That was the other man?¡±


    Nua nods shortly, sitting back down next to me with a sigh, and Penny studies him for a second, then stands up himself. His dog jumps to its feet as well, its tail wagging, and he touches its head before saying, ¡°I think you two should get some rest. Come on, Nano.¡±


    The dog follows him outside, back into the tunnel, and I look up at the ceiling again. We must be half a mile underground or more, and all that surrounds us is concrete. I look down under my feet again, and brush some of the dirt away with my shoe, uncovering a rod of metal. Railroad tracks.


    ¡°We¡¯re in the western track,¡± says Penny, starting to walk back towards the way we came. ¡°The big center part, we call it Shan. The four tunnels that branch off of Shan are the tracks, and every track has a fire forum. That¡¯s where we just were, the only places in here we can have big fires without smoking ourselves out.¡±


    We¡¯re walking back towards the Shan, I think. Tents and shelters line either side of the road, the railroad tracks, and suddenly there¡¯s a rumbling above us. I reach for Nua¡¯s hand, and Penny just looks at us, and then at the ceiling. ¡°No worries. That¡¯s a train.¡±


    ¡°Above us?¡± I ask quietly, and he nods, smiling slightly. ¡°Yup. The western and the northern tracks are under some of the newer train routes, up on the surface. Parts of the eastern track, too.¡±


    He leads us a few more feet, and then gestures to a big green tent. ¡°That¡¯s Ava¡¯s.¡±


    Nua stops, looking at it, and Penny glances at him. He rubs his lips together, then says, ¡°I¡¯m next to her, here. We¡¯ve kind of saved you a little bit of empty space, so you can figure it out. See you tomorrow.¡±


    With that, he goes into his tent, and Nano disappears along with him. Nua takes a deep breath, squeezing my fingers, and then goes into Ava¡¯s tent. I follow.


    There¡¯s not much inside. A small table in the corner, and a large mat on the ground, long enough for her tall frame to stretch out on and wide enough for three people to lay down on. She¡¯s sitting cross-legged on it, and looks up at Nua as he comes in, dropping the bag in the corner. He¡¯s never stood above her like this before, looking down at her, but she just raises her eyebrows.


    Nua exhales out of his nose, and stares hard at our wife for a moment, then kneels down in front of her so they¡¯re level. He reaches out towards her face, and then with two fingers brushes a piece of hair away from her eyes and tucks it behind her ear, letting his fingers trail over her jaw. His voice breaks. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell us?¡±


    She smiles sadly, looking down at her lap, but doesn¡¯t answer.


    Nua moves forward and wraps her in his arms, hugging her close to him, and I sit down next to her on the mat. They lie down together slowly, and then she says quietly, ¡°We don¡¯t have to be married anymore.¡±


    He smiles slightly, letting her roll to her side so she¡¯s facing me and he can wrap his arm around her from behind like how we all slept together in her bed, and he buries his face in her hair. ¡°I know.¡±


    I smile at her, and her eyes blink sleepily. I never thought I¡¯d see them again, framed by brownish-blonde lashes that curl so much they almost brush her browbone, and I feel her fumbling below for my hand.


    Nua¡¯s arm is around her waist and my hand is in hers. He¡¯s relieved to see her again, he never hated her, never wanted her to die. I just wanted her to find her brother again, so maybe at least one set of twins would be happy. I think of Abigala again, and then squeeze my eyes shut. I have no idea where she is, what she¡¯s doing, if she¡¯s okay. But for right now, I¡¯m okay. And I¡¯m tired. So I sleep.

 chapter 8

    When I was at Miss Lilly¡¯s, back at the very beginning, I had a lot of nightmares. They started out with both Miss Lilly and Miss Ava chasing me, but then it turned to me and Ava and Keol, running away from her mother. And she was always the one who saved us. Eventually I stopped having bad dreams every night, but sometimes, after she died, I dreamt that I would wake up and Ava would still be there. That Bayan did not take her away and that Miss Lilly did not return with an urn, that it was her and me and Nua in bed, like usual, the cat between us, maybe. And then every morning I would wake up and she was not there.


    But today, I wake up to a rumbling all around us. Another train must be going by above us. The tent seems to shake for a second, and then it¡¯s over in a moment, and I roll over onto my back. Ava¡¯s hand falls out of mine, and I look over at her. And I smile.


    I¡¯m still looking at her when she wakes up too, a little while later. She shifts a little, and takes a deep breath, wrapping Nua¡¯s arm around her a little more, and then opens her eyes. She smiles too, when she sees me, and her voice is sleepy when she says, ¡°Morning.¡±


    ¡°Morning,¡± I whisper, taking her hand again. I run my hand over the second ring around her thumb, and she smiles, and then yawns. She says softly, ¡°I missed you.¡±


    ¡°We missed you, too,¡± I say. I think Nua¡¯s still asleep, but he sighs, and Ava grins a little, and then says, ¡°Are you still mad at me?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not mad at you,¡± I say softly. ¡°Nua might be, a little.¡±


    She grins again, looking over her shoulder at him, and yawns again. ¡°When he wakes up we should go to Shan. You have to meet some people.¡±


    ¡°Who?¡± I ask, and she stretches her legs, her feet brushing against mine. ¡°Shan.¡±


    I raise my eyebrows, but Nua rolls over. His hand hits the side of the tent, and he opens his eyes, and then sits up. ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± says Ava, looking up at him, and he looks at us, brushing hair out of his eyes. ¡°Hi.¡±


    ¡°I want you to meet some people,¡± says Ava softly. ¡°Who have been helping me, who I¡¯ve been helping. And you can kinda get to know what happens around here.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± I say through a yawn, and Ava grins and sits up too.


    Penny is waiting for us when we go out of the tent. He has a little chair in front of his own tent that he¡¯s sitting in, watching the light from the lantern on his lap flicker around. His dog stands up to meet us, coming over to Ava and sniffing her hand. She pets her on the head. ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± answers Penny, standing and coming to us. ¡°Food?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Ava with a grin. ¡°And the boys should meet Shan.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say, raising my hands. ¡°You said that the Shan was, like, the center part.¡±


    ¡°Not the Shan,¡± says Penny with a grin, jerking his head down the railroad track. ¡°Just Shan. It¡¯s an acronym.¡±


    ¡°For what?¡± I ask, and Ava grins. ¡°Sigrid, Haywood, Alis, and Nova.¡±


    I look at Nua; he just shrugs and says, ¡°How¡¯d you get a dog down here?¡±


    Penny laughs, touching the big black dog¡¯s head. ¡°Oh, there are a few. And some stray cats. Nano likes me, we found her and her sister when she was a puppy abandoned, and I took care of her.¡±


    The dog does seem to like him. I wonder if Ava misses Shiv, and I watch the dog as Nua and I follow Penny down the tunnel. Ava walks at his side, and just listens as he tells us a little more. ¡°The four main tunnels, that come off of Shan, they¡¯re like two or three train tracks wide, so that¡¯s where most people live. And then there are smaller tunnels around here, too, and the entrances are only off of those.¡±


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    ¡°Do all the entrances have poison plants?¡± asks Nua, and Penny laughs. ¡°No, actually. But they¡¯ve all got something that makes them hard to get to. That¡¯s why they were abandoned.¡±


    We¡¯re back towards the intersection, the huge cavern with the four tunnels gaping, one on each side. I don¡¯t even know what time of the day it is down here; everything is hazy and dirty and dark. There are still people milling about, and we pause for a second, as Nano goes to sniff someone¡¯s foot. It¡¯s an older man with a greying beard, and he reaches out to stroke her for a moment before taking a sip of whatever¡¯s in his bottle. Then Penny leads us back towards the buildings in the middle; not really buildings, I see, just structures, made of planks of wood and sheet metal and whatever else they could find, I suppose.


    ¡°The LeGatte twins,¡± I hear someone say as Nua and I enter the makeshift building too. There are four people inside, two women and two men, standing around the same table we found Penny at last night. I wonder where Sloan is. They all look at us, and then one of the women says, ¡°The LeGatte husbands.¡±


    ¡°My name¡¯s Ahman, actually,¡± I mutter, and Nua smiles a little. Ava does too, and says, ¡°Aber and Nua. Aber and Nua, this is Sigrid and Nova, and Haywood and Alis.¡±


    The women nod, and then the men, when Ava gestures to them. Penny leans his hand on the table and says, ¡°They¡¯re in charge down here. What are you talking about today?¡±


    ¡°Alis,¡± says one of the men, looking at the other. ¡°We¡¯re sending the women out for shopping.¡±


    All four of these people are older, my parents¡¯ age, perhaps. My parents are older than Miss Lilly, I think. Sigrid has dark curly hair that falls to her shoulders, and Nova has long straight black hair tied back in two braids that reach down to her waist. Haywood¡¯s skin is as dark as Sloan¡¯s, and his hair is big and puffy. He has his little finger looped around Alis¡¯, who nods. ¡°Marissa¡¯s been craving peas, that¡¯s really the only new thing.¡±


    ¡°Alis deals with food and supplies,¡± says Haywood, looking back at me and Nua. ¡°Figuring out what things we need, like water and batteries. I¡¯m in charge of our information runners. You know Sloan, right?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nua.


    ¡°She¡¯s one of mine,¡± says Haywood with a slight smile. ¡°Sigrid organizes the women, and Nova deals with the people down here, if there¡¯s ever any fights or conflicts. She was a lawyer.¡±


    Nova grins at me, but Nua¡¯s looking at Sigrid. ¡°The women?¡±


    Sigrid looks at Penny, who shrugs. ¡°They just got here.¡±


    ¡°Our moneymakers,¡± says Nova quietly. I raise my eyebrows, looking at Ava, and she shakes her head. ¡°I can¡¯t go up there, my mother would drag me back home.¡±


    ¡°Most of the people down here are men,¡± explains Haywood. ¡°As you can assume. Boys and men who ran away from their wives. But we have some women, too. Like Ava, and like these two, and a few others. Most of the men don¡¯t feel comfortable going to the surface, they¡¯re afraid of getting caught. So it¡¯s the women who have to go up. Do the spying, do the shopping, earn the money in the first place. And a lot of men up there, you know, they don¡¯t have wives, but they want women.¡±


    ¡°They,¡± I say slowly, and Sigrid shrugs. ¡°They sell sex.¡±


    ¡°Sigrid, please, he¡¯s eighteen,¡± says Ava, and I flush, glaring at her. She just smiles a little, and Sigrid shrugs. ¡°I just help them.¡±


    ¡°And we have people who work for us down here,¡± Nova continues, as if the conversation in the last few moments was the most normal thing in the world. ¡°Help us organize who gets what to eat, who lives where, clothes and things, anything that people need. And most people just hang around.¡±


    I take a deep breath, and then breathe it out slow. Nua takes my hand and squeezes my fingers, and I just nod. ¡°Who gets to go up?¡±


    ¡°Not you,¡± says Ava immediately, and the whole Shan group looks at her. She raises her hands. ¡°Well, I can¡¯t go,¡± she says, ¡°because my mother¡¯s probably got people everywhere looking for me. And don¡¯t assume she wouldn¡¯t have eyes out for you, too, and grab you too, to lure me out.¡±


    Nova gives a grudging nod. ¡°That makes sense, actually.¡±


    ¡°Sorry, boys,¡± says Penny with a slight smile. ¡°Girls only.¡±


    ¡°Most people don¡¯t go to the surface,¡± says Haywood, his eyes sympathetic. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Penny¡¯s right, it¡¯s mostly the women, and even then a lot of them don¡¯t want to go up. Ava can¡¯t, like she said, nor can Marissa, because nobody¡¯s seen a pregnant woman in decades-¡±


    ¡°A pregnant woman?¡± asks Nua in surprise, and I furrow my eyebrows, looking at my wife. ¡°You said-¡±


    ¡°She came to us with her husband when they found out they were pregnant,¡± says Alis with a smile. ¡°Her mother was¡­well, she was like yours, Ava, and they didn¡¯t wanna tell her, or raise the kid with her. So they came as soon as they found out, which was around three months ago. We¡¯re assuming they have around five left, and then we¡¯re gonna have to deal with a birth.¡±


    ¡°No one¡¯s given birth in,¡± says Nua, trailing off because he doesn¡¯t know the answer. Alis laughs. ¡°Decades,¡± he says again. ¡°We¡¯re in for a fun time.¡±


    ¡°Woah,¡± I say, and Haywood smiles. ¡°You alright, kid?¡±


    ¡°I wanna go home,¡± I say quietly, sinking into a chair. Sigrid looks at Ava. ¡°He doesn¡¯t mean¡­¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say. ¡°My home. My parents.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± says Ava, coming to me. She touches my shoulder, and I move over on the chair so she can sit next to me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± I murmur, and she smiles and leans her head on my shoulder, taking my hand. ¡°Can you stay with us for a little bit?¡±


    I look at her, and she sighs. ¡°I¡¯ve been trying to find out what happened to your parents, but it¡¯s a little hard from down here.¡±


    I look at Haywood. He said he was the one who dealt with all the information. He shrugs in agreement.


    ¡°Right now this is the safest place,¡± says Ava softly. ¡°Shan will take care of us.¡±


    Nova smiles a little. Penny scoffs. ¡°And Penny.¡±


    Ava rolls her eyes, and her brother comes over and taps me on the shoulder. ¡°Come on. Let¡¯s get something to eat, and we can just relax.¡±

 chapter 9

    One of the other buildings in the center part that they call Shan is the pantry. Alis brings us to it, and tells us that usually he doesn¡¯t let people just go in and take what they want, he has people distribute it. But he¡¯ll let us go in, to see, because we¡¯re new.


    We go to bed with Ava again that night. I don¡¯t know what time it is, but she has a watch, and she curls up on her mat inside her tent. I sit on the edge of it, watching Nua rummage through the bag that Bayan had packed for us. There¡¯s some of Ava¡¯s things in it, too, it¡¯s a good thing for him that we didn¡¯t look in it before we left or there would have been questions. He pulls things out, making piles, and Ava watches too. When he pulls out one of her sweaters she says, ¡°Oh, yes, I love that one.¡±


    He tosses it to her, and she smiles a little, throwing it over herself like a blanket, and then Nua pulls out a long black rope.


    And Ava sits up, looking at it, and there¡¯s an expression on her face that I can¡¯t comprehend. She twists her mouth, and Nua just gently puts it back in the bag as the tunnel around us starts to shake.


    ¡°Just on time,¡± murmurs Ava, glancing at her watch. ¡°That¡¯s the 10:10.¡±


    She lies back down, hugging the sweater to her chest, and I lie down next to her. ¡°You alright?¡±


    She just smiles slightly, her fingers curling against her chest. Nua says, ¡°I¡¯m gonna go talk to Penny.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± murmurs Ava, her eyes closing. I put my arm under my head. ¡°So you¡¯ve been helping Sigrid and Nova?¡±


    ¡°And Haywood and Alis,¡± she says with a smile, looking at me. ¡°Mostly Haywood, actually. He¡¯s the one with the spies.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, where did Sloan go?¡±


    Ava shrugged. ¡°He must have sent her somewhere. I just told him what I know about what my mother¡¯s doing.¡±


    ¡°What is she doing?¡±


    Ava sighs, adjusting herself a little, and rubs her chest where the stitches are. ¡°Oh, Aber, I don¡¯t want to talk about my mother.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say softly, ¡°not right now. But I still have questions for you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she murmurs. ¡°I¡¯m sure. We¡¯ll talk, I promise.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± I whisper. She smiles a little, her eyes closed again, and I watch her fall asleep.


    We both wake up when Nua comes back into the tent, a little while later, I think. He has a lantern with him, and I just open my eyes, and then close them again. Ava sits up as he turns it off. ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± he whispers. ¡°Is Aber sleeping?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Ava, lying back down. She turns carefully so her back is to me, looking at Nua as he sits down next to her. He smiles, and she smiles back, sounds confused when she says, ¡°Nua.¡±


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    ¡°Ava,¡± he answers quietly.


    ¡°Why are you here?¡±


    He smiles again, exhaling, and thinks for a moment. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°I thought you hated me,¡± she whispers, and he laughs slightly. ¡°I never hated you. Hated the marriage, maybe, but you didn¡¯t want it as much as I did, and you never forced me to do anything. Never forced anyone to do anything.¡±


    ¡°You took care of me,¡± she murmurs. ¡°After he died, and I got sicker, you took care of me.¡±


    ¡°And Aber,¡± he says, playing with a lock of her hair, and she nods. ¡°Both of you.¡±


    ¡°Because we didn¡¯t want you to die,¡± he whispers, resting his arm back around her waist. ¡°Or Keol.¡±


    She closes her eyes at his name, and he leans his forehead against hers. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about him.¡±


    ¡°I have his heart,¡± she whispers. Nua pulls away slightly. ¡°What?¡±


    She presses her hand flat against her chest, thin fingers spreading over the bones. A tear trickles over her temple. ¡°My mother made them preserve his body. She said¡­¡±


    She takes a shuddering breath, and Nua whispers, ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡±


    ¡°She told me,¡± she says, her voice breaking, ¡°that he asked for her to save me before he died.¡±


    Nua traces her fingers, then presses his fingertip against the skin above her heart. ¡°He¡¯ll stay with you.¡±


    She smiles through her tears, and he presses his forehead against hers again. ¡°So are we.¡±


    I can¡¯t help thinking that the ones she loved the most, Owen and Keol, her prominents, were the two that were ripped away from her the most violently, the most permanently.


    ¡°And Penny,¡± she whispers, and he grins, nodding. ¡°And Penny.¡±


    ¡°Bayan helped you,¡± she murmurs into the darkness of the tent, and I feel Nua nodding. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°We should get him,¡± she says quietly. ¡°I don¡¯t want him to be left alone with my mother.¡±


    ¡°She was kind of broken up,¡± he says quietly. ¡°Wasn¡¯t her usual intimidating self.¡±


    ¡°Because I ran away,¡± she says, worry etched in her voice. ¡°And sooner or later, now that you¡¯re gone, she¡¯s going to turn on him.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± says Nua quietly, looking over her at me. ¡°We can get him.¡±


    ¡°I wish Penny had flowers here,¡± she says, and I recognize that tone of hers, the sleepy one that she slips into when she¡¯s tired, her voice becoming sweeter, higher than it already is, lighter than air. ¡°Or that I could bring him some. I used to bring flowers to Keol.¡±


    ¡°Did you love Keol?¡± asks Nua softly, and Ava opens her eyes slowly. ¡°Love has-¡±


    ¡°-nothing to do with it, I know,¡± he finishes for her through a slight laugh, although I¡¯m not sure how sincere it is. ¡°You didn¡¯t want to get attached.¡±


    ¡°Because of Owen,¡± she admits, her voice so quiet I can barely hear her. Nua¡¯s silent for a moment, mulling that over, and then asks again, ¡°Did you love him?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t answer.


    ¡°Have you loved any of us?¡±


    My breath catches, but the two of them are too intensely wrapped up in each other to notice. I don¡¯t know what I want her answer to be, but when I hear it I don¡¯t know how it could be anything else.


    ¡°I love Penny.¡±


    Nua smiles, and she closes her eyes again, rolling onto her back. He rests his head gently on her shoulder, his hand on her chest where Keol¡¯s heart beats inside of her. Her fingers run through his hair like how she used to stroke her dead prominent, and her other hand once again lays over mine. This is never what I expected would happen if I married, to be voluntarily lying with my wife and her other husband, feeling safe and wanted and loved, feeling part of a family. A little light comes in from the tunnel outside, and it glints off the ring on her thumb, the one that matches mine and Nua¡¯s.


    ¡°You did good with Aber,¡± whispers Nua against her, so soft I can almost not hear him. I wonder what he means, until he says, ¡°He gets so nervous sometimes, I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    A smile curls on Ava¡¯s lips. ¡°Yeah. Not his fault, it¡¯s a lot ot take in.¡±


    ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°He should talk to Haywood,¡± says Ava sleepily, adjusting herself a little bit. ¡°He¡¯s good at helping people with things like that.¡±


    Haywood, the information man. I wonder if Ava told him anything about Abigala. I wonder if he knows anything more about her. I should talk to Ava first, though, she said she would tell me more, and I trust her. She asked me once if that scared me, the idea that I can trust her, and I said no. I always trusted her more than her mother, at least, and I always trusted Keol, too, even when I thought he was going to kill me for sleeping with her. I wonder again if he hadn¡¯t died and then Ava, would we ever have all three been able to love each other, the way that Ava loved him. Nua said that if she didn¡¯t die I would have been her next prominent. And now there¡¯s no prominent, because we¡¯re in a subway tunnel and no one cares down here. I sigh, thinking of Keol¡¯s rope belt in the bag by our feet, of Keol¡¯s heart in her chest, and I wonder if every beat hurts her as much as every breath used to.

 chapter 10

    And this is how the next week or so goes. We wake up usually to the rumbling of a train going by overhead, and Penny fetches us all breakfast from one of Alis¡¯ food distributor people. We meet Marissa, the pregnant woman, and her husband Nerev, who spends his days ripping apart fabrics and sewing then back together to make clothes that will fit his wife¡¯s growing belly. Ava takes us walking down the northern and the eastern tracks, to see the fire forums down there, too, and tells us that they¡¯re built where they are because every so often in the tunnels there¡¯s a pipe up to the surface so the smoke can get out. Most of the food is either fruit or packaged things, but Ava likes to make coffee and tea by putting a kettle over the flames in the western fire forum. She also likes to go and talk to Haywood, and Nua and I go with her just to have something to do. Penny goes with us, Nano almost always by his side, because he¡¯s very interested in what Sloan does. I assume it¡¯s because for the past while Sloan has been the one who makes contact with Bayan, but recently she has not been able to. They used to meet every Thursday night at midnight, she tells us the first Friday morning that we¡¯re there, but she waited all night, and the electric fence never turned off.


    Penny and Ava just look at each other when she tells us this, and then one of Sigrid¡¯s women comes into the building we¡¯re in, looking for her, and we disperse after this.


    Ava lies awake that night, staring at the ceiling of the tent, as Nua finally finishes unpacking the rest of the bag that Bayan packed us. He pulls a few more of Ava¡¯s things out of it, and then when he thinks she¡¯s not looking he pulls out the rope belt and gently lies it on top of her things. And then he pulls out a book, and I raise my eyebrows. ¡°He gave you a book?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nua softly, looking down at it, and then he shows me the cover. Ava looks at it, and then puts her head back down, squeezing her eyes shut. ¡°What is it?¡±


    It¡¯s the book of fairy tales that Nua had been reading to Keol, just before he died. Nua looks at it a moment more, turning it over in his hands, and then says, ¡°I was reading it earlier.¡±


    Ava makes a noise, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes, and then sits up. She winces, rubbing her chest where the stitches are, and then says, ¡°Did she ever.¡±


    She stops, and Nua and I both look at her. He has the lantern near him, so he could see what he was doing, and the light casts her into shadow from where I¡¯m sitting. She makes a noise again, and then says, ¡°Did she ever, like, hit him?¡±


    Nua and I look at each other behind her back, both of us obviously remembering the mess of bruises on the side of Bayan¡¯s face, and she looks over at us. ¡°She did, didn¡¯t she.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± answers Nua softly. ¡°A little while ago. When they came home.¡±


    Ava groans, burying her face in her hands, and says, ¡°Oh, this is all my fault.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not,¡± I say softly, but she shakes her head bitterly. ¡°It was because he helped me. He helped me get away, to here, and then she told you that I was dead, and now you¡¯re gone, too, she¡¯s probably killed him.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s killed him,¡± says Nua softly, and Ava laughs humorlessly. ¡°Oh, god.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± I say softly, reaching out for her. ¡°We¡¯ll get him.¡±


    She lies back down, her hair spreading out over her pillow, and I move mine towards me a little more so I can curl up too. ¡°We tried to get him to come with us.¡±


    ¡°Me, too,¡± she says with a sigh, and then Nua turns off the lantern and comes to bed.


    Penny comes to find us the next morning. Usually he waits outside, in front of his tent, with his dog at his feet. But today he barges in, waking me up, but not Ava or Nua. I sit up, rubbing my eyes, and he says, ¡°Wow, they really are heavy sleepers.¡±


    ¡°I guess,¡± I say with a yawn. ¡°I¡¯m not. Good morning.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s four pm,¡± he says with a grin, and I make a face. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Oh, yeah, time is weird down here,¡± he says. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s Nano?¡±


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    ¡°Alicia took her for a walk,¡± says Penny, stretching his arms. He¡¯s on his knees, and his hands reach all the way up to the top of the tent. ¡°Dogs need sun. How do you usually wake them up when you need?¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I just wait.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± he says, clicking his tongue. I yawn again, resting my elbows on my knees, and look back at my wife and Nua, wrapped up sleeping on the mat next to me.


    ¡°Ava!¡± says Penny suddenly, loudly, and she jerks awake, then leans her head back. ¡°You¡¯re not supposed to scare me, asshole!¡±


    ¡°You weren¡¯t waking up,¡± he says, kicking her foot, and she throws her pillow at him. ¡°Wanna give me a heart attack? I already died once, and let me tell you, it¡¯s not fun.¡±


    Penny laughs easily at this as if it¡¯s the most normal thing in the world, and holds his hand down for her. She grabs it and he pulls her up, then says through a yawn, ¡°Do we have coffee?¡±


    ¡°Nita just came back from shopping,¡± says Penny. ¡°I brought some to the fire forum.¡±


    I¡¯ve learned by now that whenever he drops a name of someone I haven¡¯t met, it¡¯s one of Shan¡¯s women, who goes to the surface. Nua rolls onto his back as she leaves the tent, and says sleepily, ¡°She really likes coffee now.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, caffeine seems to be her drug of choice,¡± says Penny laughingly as he waits for us to fully wake up, and as I stretch I hear Nua say under his breath, ¡°Now that nicotine isn¡¯t an option.¡±


    I snort and Penny glances at us. ¡°Hm?¡±


    I shake my head to say that it¡¯s nothing. I don¡¯t think Penny knows how much she used to smoke and with her long history of lung-related issues I don¡¯t think he¡¯d approve. I¡¯m not really looking to get my wife in trouble with her long-lost twin so we just follow him out towards the fire forum, a little ways away. Ava is inside the little building, and a kettle is sitting over the fire. She looks up at us when we come in, and Penny goes over to sit next to her, tearing apart the loaf of bread. As he hands Ava a piece, Nua says, ¡°Whose is that?¡±


    Ava looks down at her hand, at the band around her ring finger, glistening with four tiny diamonds set into the gold, one for each man she¡¯s been married to, and the band around her thumb, simple, gold, the same as mine and Nua¡¯s. She touches it gently, glancing at Penny, then says quietly, ¡°Keol¡¯s.¡±


    Nua smiles a little, and I feel something in my stomach. I miss Keol, I can¡¯t imagine what Ava feels, with every beat of her heart. But before we say anything, Sloan comes into the fire forum, carrying a little bag. ¡°Hey, guys.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± says Penny. ¡°Where have you been?¡±


    ¡°Talking to Haywood,¡± she answers, putting the little bag on the folding table. ¡°These are yours, Ava.¡±


    ¡°What are they?¡± asks Nua, going into the bag, and then he says, ¡°Oh, nice.¡±


    I look over; the bag has a bunch of batteries in it, for the lantern.


    ¡°What did Haywood say?¡± asks Penny, and Sloan shakes her head. ¡°Nothing new about your mother. We have ears out, but nothing out of the ordinary.¡±


    Ava stands, running her fingers through her hair, and says, ¡°When are you supposed to go back to the house?¡±


    ¡°Not until next week,¡± she says apologetically, and Ava swears under her breath. ¡°God, I need a smoke.¡±


    ¡°A what?¡± says Penny incredulously, turning to look at her. ¡°A smoke?¡±


    Oh, cool, so we¡¯ll just tell him, I guess. She turns to him, anger flashing through her eyes now, like whenever anyone at home tried to tell her anything about the cigarettes. ¡°Yeah. I need a smoke.¡±


    ¡°You had a lung disease,¡± he says, standing. ¡°You knew about it, and you still-¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she interrupts him, her voice defensive. ¡°And I knew that I was dying. They¡± -she jerks her head over to where Nua and I are standing- ¡°never saw me without a cig in one hand and a lighter in the other, and that¡¯s why Keol¡¯s dead. That¡¯s why I couldn¡¯t get his lungs, either, why they had to tear into a whole other dead guy to bring me back to life. Because he had tiny little black spots.¡±


    Her voice drops quiet as she stares directly into Penny¡¯s face. They¡¯re inches away from each other now. ¡°All over his lungs, like the ones they found on mine when I was sixteen. Before they spread. Probably because I spent two years blowing smoke in his face. I was dying, Penny, so who gives a shit? Maybe if I managed to kill myself with cigs a year ago Aber would be free and Keol would be alive and I would be with Owen right now instead of you.¡±


    She turns on her heel and stalks out of the tent.


    Penny gapes after her, then glances at her two husbands incredulously. ¡°You let her smoke?¡±


    ¡°We couldn¡¯t really do anything about it,¡± says Nua, and Penny sighs in exasperation, his eyes still full of worry, and follows her out. Sloan clicks her tongue, and then leaves, too.


    I swallow, looking up at the ceiling, then says quietly, ¡°She blames herself for Keol.¡±


    ¡°Either she killed him with smoke or she killed him with sex,¡± says Nua under his breath, falling onto the chair. ¡°And now he¡¯s gone and she isn¡¯t. Of course she¡¯s guilty.¡±


    I don¡¯t exactly blame her. I can¡¯t imagine what she¡¯s thinking right now, the guilt that must be constantly pressing into her head right now. Would she rather have died than lived with us, here, with Penny? Was her friend, her first prominent, who killed himself after their marriage, was he more precious to her than her twin brother? I couldn¡¯t imagine trading Abigala for Ava.


    As I think the thought, though, I realize that it might not be exactly true.


    I haven¡¯t thought about Abigala in a little while. But ever since Ava gave me the information she had gathered about her, everything about her new government job, about her four husbands, her children, I haven¡¯t been able to think about her in the same way. Everything she promised me she would never do. Her betrayal hurts me more than I thought Ava¡¯s did, when I realized she had left us; but I¡¯m not mad at her about that. I had trusted Abigala. I thought she was looking for me while I was trapped with Miss Lilly, I thought she was looking for me as much as I was looking for her, but it turns out she was just¡­I don¡¯t even know. I keep meaning to talk to Ava about it. I know that Ava knows more than she¡¯s told me, but it¡¯s never the right time to bring it up, because we¡¯re all worried about Bayan right now. Abigala is safe, at least, wherever she is, whatever she¡¯s doing. And that¡¯s more that can be said for the rest of us.

 chapter 11

    Ava and Penny make up, or at least get over it. He goes to talk to her, and then comes back, and Nua wants to go with him to talk to Shan, because they¡¯re trying to figure stuff out with Sloan. So I go back to Ava¡¯s tent, and find her inside. She¡¯s lying on her back, holding the book of fairy tales next to her in the dark, but she looks over at me when I come in, putting it down.


    I lie down next to her, putting my nose on her shoulder, and say softly, ¡°Can I see them again?¡±


    ¡°See what?¡± she asks quietly, bending her elbow to touch my cheek, and I trace my fingers over her ribs. She looks down, and then unzips her sweatshirt. It¡¯s dark and hard to see, and she¡¯s not wearing anything underneath, except for the bandages. There¡¯s one on her right side, and the stitches run down from her collarbone down to her stomach and to the sides. I trace the left one, feeling thread under my finger. ¡°When were these supposed to come out?¡±


    She sighs, stroking my hair back. ¡°Day after I ran away. But we couldn¡¯t wait any longer.¡±


    ¡°He didn¡¯t tell us anything,¡± I say softly. ¡°He came home sometimes, just to get stuff for Miss Lilly, but he didn¡¯t say anything, he said he couldn¡¯t.¡±


    Ava smiles a little, and I look up at her. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Miss Lilly,¡± she repeats, her voice quiet, and then looks at me. ¡°He didn¡¯t even say I was still alive?¡±


    I shake my head. ¡°You saw our faces when we saw you, we were looking at a ghost.¡±


    Ava smiles again, and then rubs her lips together. I trace my finger up and down the stitches on her chest, running between her breasts, and ask, ¡°Does it hurt?¡±


    ¡°Not anymore,¡± she says, shrugging a little. ¡°Not much, anyway.¡±


    So I pull my hand away, resting it on her bare stomach. Her skin is cold, and there¡¯s hardly any light in here, just from what comes in from outside. Finally I say, ¡°Nua went with Penny to talk to the Shan people. To make a plan with Sloan, about Bayan.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± murmurs Ava. ¡°I miss Bayan.¡±


    I don¡¯t say anything, but I agree. Ava just sighs again, and looks over at the book of fairy tales, and then sits up, wincing. I sit up too. ¡°Does that hurt?¡±


    ¡°Sometimes.¡±


    And we go down the western track towards Shan, and she takes my hand in hers as we go. Some people who are sitting outside their own tents look at us, but Ava is just twisting Keol¡¯s ring around her thumb with her forefinger, over and over, and doesn¡¯t seem to pay attention to anything around us until we get to Shan. Then she looks up, at the huge curved tunnel ceilings above us, and then takes me around to the room with the map in it. Three-quarters of Shan is there, Haywood and Alis and Nova, but not Sigrid. And Penny and Nua and Sloan are all there, too, sitting in folding chairs, all looking very concerned.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± asks Ava when we go in, and Nua looks over at us. Haywood sighs, leaning over the table. ¡°We just don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    ¡°Sit,¡± says Ava to me, and I take the last chair in the room. She sits on my lap and puts her head on my shoulder, hiding her face, and Nua raises his eyebrows. I shrug and mouth, Tired.


    He shrugs too, and Penny stands, rubbing his face. ¡°There¡¯s gotta be a way that we can get to that house.¡±


    ¡°He was always the one who deactivated the fence,¡± says Sloan. ¡°If he doesn¡¯t do it, I can¡¯t get over it, and neither can he.¡±


    ¡°He never came earlier because there was no one to turn it back on afterwards,¡± I say, wrapping my arm around Ava so she doesn¡¯t fall. ¡°Miss Lilly would have noticed.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well, she¡¯s noticed,¡± says Penny. ¡°And she¡¯s probably killed him for it.¡±


    Ava puts her arms around my neck. ¡°We need rubber.¡±


    Haywood and Alis look at me, but I just shrug. Her voice is muffled when she says, ¡°Something to insulate it.¡±


    ¡°Or something to slingshot us over it,¡± says Penny. ¡°Can¡¯t he just take the car and drive away?¡±


    ¡°Probably not,¡± says Nua quietly, and Penny makes a frustrated noise, not at him. But Nua¡¯s frustrated with himself. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t have left without him. By the time she found out, we all would¡¯ve been long gone.¡±


    But Penny shakes his head. ¡°He¡¯s smart. If he said he had to stay, he needed to stay for a reason.¡±


    ¡°So how do we get him out?¡± asks Sloan, frustration creeping into her voice, and Nova shifts her weight from one foot the other, but doesn¡¯t say anything. I can¡¯t remember why she¡¯s here for a second, and I run through the names again. Haywood is information, Alis is supplies, Sigrid is women, and oh yeah, Nova is people. I wonder what kinds of conflicts she deals with down here; I wonder if they¡¯re in any way similar to the ones she dealt with back in her old life as a lawyer.


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    ¡°It¡¯s electric, and it¡¯s armed,¡± Sloan is saying, when I¡¯m pulled out of my thoughts again by Ava sighing and adjusting herself on my lap. ¡°Even if we could find a way over it without getting electrocuted, it has a sensor, it would set off an alarm or something. And there¡¯s really no way to get to Bayan to give him any information, even if we had a plan. It¡¯s all one-sided right now.¡±


    No one answers for a moment, and then before anyone can someone else comes into the map room, someone I don¡¯t know, and says, ¡°Alis, there¡¯s hungry people out here.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± says Alis, and then he leans over and kisses Haywood, and then follows the person out of the room.


    I watch him, feeling heat in my cheeks, and I don¡¯t know why. I look back at Haywood, and then at Nua, who just smiles. He doesn¡¯t say anything about it, though, just looks at Sloan when he asks, ¡°What has Lilly been doing?¡±


    ¡°Just going to work,¡± she answers with a shrug. ¡°Nothing really out of the ordinary. There hasn¡¯t even been a lot of buzz around her, which I thought there would be, what with¡­¡±


    She trails off, jerking her head to Ava and me, and I lean my head against her blonde hair. She just sighs again, and Penny smiles slightly. ¡°Who¡¯s up on the surface right now, Haywood?¡±


    I¡¯ll never get used to them saying the surface, but Haywood responds as if it¡¯s the most normal thing in the world. ¡°Keshi and Alicia. I sent them up for anything they could find out about the court cases, though. They have the dogs, taking Nano for a walk.¡±


    ¡°What court cases?¡± asks Nua, and Nova the lawyer answers. ¡°A few people going on trial for marriage-related issues. Breaking contracts, harboring people, things like that, civil cases we¡¯re keeping an eye on.¡±


    ¡°Oh, I thought they¡¯d be back already,¡± says Penny musingly. ¡°Well, could we send Sara or someone up?¡±


    ¡°For what?¡± says Sloan with a slight smile. ¡°Think she¡¯d be able to find out something I couldn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Penny with a sigh, rubbing his eyes. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± says Sloan quietly. ¡°We¡¯ll just have to keep thinking about it.¡±


    Ava on my lap moves, turning more sideways and finally picking up her head so she can look at Sloan. ¡°What about from the city?¡±


    Sloan furrows her eyebrows. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°Can I see the map?¡± asks Ava, biting on her thumbnail, and Penny nods. Ava stands up and goes to the table as he unfurls it, lying it across the table on top of the spare lantern parts and screws. Ava looks at it, and says, ¡°Which one¡¯s the southwest entrance?¡±


    ¡°Here,¡± says Penny, pointing somewhere. ¡°That¡¯s closest to home.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Ava softly, and then turns back to me. ¡°Remember when we went into town?¡±


    I raise my eyebrows, glancing at Nua, and nod. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°We walked to the train station,¡± she says. ¡°My mother and I are the only ones with keys to the garage door in the house, so Bayan only goes out when she lets him. Or makes him. But the garage door, to the outside, it¡¯s not inside the fence.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s not?¡± I say, furrowing my eyebrows, and Nua nods slowly. ¡°That side of the fence just goes right to the house.¡±


    I remember tracing the fence with my eyes one day, early on in my few months at the beach house. I went around the first floor, following it from one side of the beach all the way around the backyard, behind the flowers and the fountain, to the other side. It stretches all the way to the water in high tide. But I never went into the garage, which is attached to the house. That door was always locked, except for when Ava took us out into town. We just walked straight past the car and out into the world, no fence to stop us.


    ¡°I never noticed that,¡± I say slowly, and Ava finally smiles slightly, a little crooked, and comes to sit back down on me. ¡°We didn¡¯t want you to.¡±


    I look at her, and she leans her forehead against the side of my head and doesn¡¯t say anything else. Sloan goes over and looks at the map too, and then turns it on the table. ¡°This is your house.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Penny. ¡°Like, over here.¡±


    ¡°If I go up through the southern track,¡± she says, ¡°the one with the sewage river.¡±


    ¡°Ew,¡± says Nua, and Nova laughs. ¡°Yeah, that was one of the first tunnels to get shut down. That¡¯d take you a mile or so east of the train station on the plaza.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s where we walked to,¡± murmurs Ava. ¡°About a mile and a half.¡±


    ¡°Why not just go up the southwest entrance and run around the house?¡± asks Nua, going to the map too, and Sloan shakes her head. ¡°It¡¯s not just the fence. It¡¯s getting in and out of the house, especially since I can¡¯t contact Bayan anymore. We need to get out of there as soon as possible, the woods behind your house will be the first place she looks.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t so happen to have your keys with you, do you?¡± I ask Ava, and she shakes her head against mine. ¡°Oh, god no, you¡¯d¡¯ve all been out of there a month ago.¡±


    Nua smiles slightly. ¡°Does your mother ever leave the house nowadays?¡±


    ¡°Probably not,¡± she says quietly, looking up and putting her chin on my shoulder. ¡°Me dying was kind of a thing. Me coming back to life was also kind of a thing. People know about it. So me disappearing¡­¡±


    ¡°Probably also kind of a thing,¡± says Penny, ¡°and Lilly is not one to be the center of attention for anything negative. She¡¯s also not one to let bad press linger too long. I¡¯d be surprised if she didn¡¯t have people out and about looking for you. All of you.¡±


    He looks at me and Nua, who takes a deep breath. ¡°So what do we have to deal with?¡±


    ¡°Spies on the lookout for all of us,¡± says Ava quietly after a moment, when no one else answers. ¡°Getting out of, and back into, the entrance without being seen. The locks on the house. And getting Bayan without my mother noticing before he¡¯s gone.¡±


    ¡°I can do it,¡± says Sloan airily. ¡°I just need a solid plan.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what we¡¯re working on,¡± says Penny, rolling his eyes. Sloan is unperturbed, though, and leans her elbow on the table. ¡°So?¡±


    ¡°Another middle of the night run?¡± asks Nua, and Penny shrugs, twisting his mouth. ¡°How will Bayan know?¡±


    ¡°He doesn¡¯t need to know,¡± I say honestly. ¡°If you can get into the house somehow, just find him.¡±


    Penny raises his eyebrows at me, and Nua shrugs. ¡°He didn¡¯t tell us when we were going, either. Just woke us up one night and said go.¡±


    ¡°But how do we get in?¡± asks Haywood, and suddenly Ava sits straight up and says, ¡°9-26-67.¡±


    Everyone looks at her, in confusion, except Penny, who furrowed his eyebrows. ¡°Dad¡¯s birthday?¡±


    ¡°The safe,¡± I whisper, and she looks at me, and smiles, and nods. ¡°That¡¯s the code to the safe in her office.¡±


    ¡°How¡¯d you figure that out?¡± asks Nua in surprise, and she shrugs. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s the code to something else, too.¡±


    ¡°Like the garage door,¡± says Penny with a grin, and I glance between them. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Really what?¡± asks Ava, looking down at me. Her forearms rest on my shoulders, and I shrug. ¡°That¡¯s it? It¡¯s that easy?¡±


    ¡°It won¡¯t be easy,¡± says Penny, shaking his head. ¡°But it¡¯s simple.¡±


    ¡°Aber is right,¡± says Haywood, and I look at him, surprised. He shrugs a little too. ¡°Bayan has been helping us for years. We¡¯ve always known that eventually he¡¯d come and join us. And now¡¯s the time. Sloan, are you willing?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely,¡± she says. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine. He¡¯s a light sleeper.¡±


    ¡°So¡¯s my mother,¡± mutters Penny, but then he just takes a deep breath, running his fingers through his long hair. ¡°But if anyone, Sloan can do it.¡±


    Sloan grins.

 chapter 12

    It takes a few days for them to iron out the details of the plan. Ava seems to be satisfied with her contribution and spends most of her time in the western fire forum now. Penny sits with her, and they talk, but only when they¡¯re alone. Whenever Nua or I or Sloan goes in near them they stop and pretend like they weren¡¯t. I wonder if Abigala and I ever did anything so mysterious and annoying, and the answer is probably yes. I¡¯m still thinking about Abigala, almost all the time, but there¡¯s nothing I can do, or say, at least not yet. I¡¯m going to ask Haywood soon, I¡¯ve decided. Back at the big house it was Keol who broke my silence for me, before I worked up the nerve to. So this time it¡¯ll be my turn. It¡¯ll have to be.


    It¡¯s getting colder, even all the way down here in the tunnels. I wonder if it snows around here, and if we¡¯ll be able to feel it even a mile underground. Penny brings us a blanket one night, although we don¡¯t really need it yet, but he says we will, soon. Also Ava decides that she wants to take a bath.


    It¡¯s a mix of rainwater and bottled water, Penny tells me as we sit in the fire forum. We have bottled waters all around us all the time, one of Alis¡¯ people gives them to us with every meal. All the water that isn¡¯t from a bottle gets filtered so it¡¯s clean. ¡°You can take one bath a week, and you have to sign up for it so time slots are organized. It¡¯s a bit of a process.¡±


    Nua raises his eyebrows at me from where he¡¯s sitting curled up in an old armchair, his hands wrapped around a cracked mug of coffee. ¡°How long have you been here, Penny?¡±


    Penny looks at him and smiles a little, thinking. ¡°Oh, how old am I now?¡±


    ¡°Twenty,¡± I say softly. ¡°And a few months.¡±


    ¡°Then about two and a half years,¡± he answers. ¡°My mother married me away when I was seventeen, and I ran away a few months after that.¡±


    ¡°How did you know where to go?¡± I ask quietly, and he shrugs. ¡°I didn¡¯t. Sloan found me, along the side of the road, almost frozen to death one night.¡±


    ¡°I saved his life,¡± says Sloan, coming into the fire forum, and I lift my head up and look at her. ¡°How long have you been here?¡±


    ¡°A few years,¡± she says with a shrug, flopping down next to Penny and brushing her hair out of her face. ¡°Five or six.¡±


    ¡°Wow,¡± says Nua softly. Penny shrugs. ¡°It¡¯s just how it is.¡±


    ¡°It shouldn¡¯t be,¡± I say, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. Penny snorts. ¡°No. But it is.¡±


    There¡¯s a small commotion outside, and then a dog trots up to me, sticking its nose into my hand. I pet its head, and then say, ¡°You¡¯re not Nano.¡±


    ¡°Chloe!¡± says Sloan, her eyes lighting up. ¡°Hi.¡±


    She reaches out to pet the dog too, and I look at Penny. ¡°How many dogs do you guys have?¡±


    ¡°A few,¡± says yet another woman, coming into the fire forum. ¡°This is Chloe, she¡¯s Nano¡¯s sister and she¡¯s Sloan¡¯s. Nano is Penny¡¯s.¡±


    ¡°Where is Nano?¡± asks Penny, and the woman shrugs. Penny says, ¡°Oh,¡± and then, ¡°Nua and Aber, this is Alicia. Alicia, Nua and Aber.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I heard that Ava finally got all of her boys back,¡± says Alicia with a smile. ¡°And Sigrid tells me she¡¯s planning something for Bayan.¡±


    ¡°Well, right now she¡¯s taking a bath,¡± mutters Nua, and Sloan hears, and laughs. She just looks up at Alicia, though, and says, ¡°Have you heard anything about my wife?¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    I furrow my eyebrows, but Alicia just shakes her head. ¡°Nope, good thing.¡±


    ¡°Your wife?¡± I ask in surprise, glancing at Nua, but he looks just as confused as I do. Alicia laughs, and says, ¡°See you later.¡±


    Sloan sighs, leaning her head back. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Can you explain that a little more for us?¡± asks Nua, and Sloan laughs a little. ¡°Sure. I¡¯m a woman.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say.


    ¡°But for the first, oh, I don¡¯t know, twenty years of my life, everyone treated me like a man, because of the way I looked. So I got married to a woman, and all that. When I got away from her, and came down here, I was able to finally live the way I wanted.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± says Nua softly. ¡°That must have been hard.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she says with a slight grin. Chloe barks, and then puts her front paws on Sloan¡¯s lap, and she groans. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re all dirty. She¡¯s probably hungry,¡± she says to Penny, and he nods. ¡°See if Nano¡¯s anywhere.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± says Sloan as she goes, and Penny looks at us. ¡°You handled that real well.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± I ask, and he shrugs. ¡°I dunno. Sometimes people are mad that she says she¡¯s a woman. Other women, because they think she¡¯s not a ¡°real¡± woman, or men, because they think she¡¯s trying to be something she¡¯s not. But she isn¡¯t. She¡¯s been a woman her whole life, and as long as I¡¯ve known her.¡±


    My life would be so much easier if I could just say I was a woman and be treated like one, I think. But it¡¯s not something I¡¯ve ever even thought about, because I¡¯m not a woman. I suppose Sloan just is.


    ¡°Is Ava done with her bath yet?¡± I ask after a moment, and Nua laughs a little. ¡°You know how long her showers were.¡±


    ¡°Showers at home don¡¯t go cold after five minutes,¡± I remind him, rising to my feet and taking the lantern with me. ¡°I¡¯ll be back.¡±


    But she¡¯s not in the tent when I get there, and I just sit on the mat for a little bit. I reach over to Nua¡¯s side and pick up the book of fairy tales. It¡¯s big and red and has a woman on the front stitched in gold, her hair flying around her face. A few ducks make a nest out of it, and I think of how Penny calls Ava duckling. I trace them, wondering what fairy tale it¡¯s from, and then Ava comes into the tent.


    ¡°Oh,¡± she says, stopping short. ¡°I didn¡¯t¡­¡±


    She¡¯s just wrapped in a towel that she holds clutched to her chest. I can see the tops of the stitches peeking out near her collarbone, and her hair drips onto her shoulders. She raises her eyebrows at me. ¡°Did you ever get your own tents?¡±


    I shake my head, and she blinks. ¡°Oh.


    ¡°Well,¡± she says after a moment, ¡°I¡¯m getting a strange sense of reversed d¨¦j¨¤ vu.¡±


    I laugh slightly. ¡°I¡¯ll go.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she says slowly, examining me. ¡°I think I need your help.¡±


    ¡°With what?¡± I start to ask, and then I see she¡¯s clutching something in a ball in her other hand. She drops it onto the mat, and I see it¡¯s a bunch of bandages. She sits down across from me, then lets the towel slip down to her hips.


    The other bandages had been taken off for her bath. In the lantern light I can see much more clearly the cuts and stitches and scars that amass across her chest, leaving her pale skin looking like pieces of a puzzle crudely thrown together. Bruises spread like rivers along them, and I almost reach out to touch one out of awe. ¡°Woah.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she says through a harsh exhale, and I look up at her. Her face has gone almost white, and I touch her hand, then grab the bandages for her. ¡°Ava, you¡¯re not healed yet.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± she breathes as I start to apply one for her.


    ¡°If you die,¡± I say, and she leans back, closing her eyes, and snorts. ¡°Again.¡±


    I laugh humorlessly. ¡°Nua will explode.¡±


    ¡°Good thing I¡¯m not gonna die, then,¡± she says quietly as I finish. She looks down at what I¡¯ve done, then smiles slightly at me, pulling up the towel again. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not healed.¡±


    ¡°I had to run almost as soon as I woke up,¡± she says quietly. ¡°There was no time.¡±


    I stare at her, and then she says, ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    ¡°I believe you,¡± I say, my expression making it clear that I do not believe her, and she rolls her eyes at me. ¡°Go make me some coffee.¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t order me around,¡± I say softly, and she looks at me, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. She sighs. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    And I smile a little, reaching for her hand. She lets me take it, and I run my fingers over her wedding ring and Keol¡¯s. ¡°You¡¯re gonna be okay.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t answer, just looks at me from under her lashes.


    ¡°And so¡¯s Bayan,¡± I say softly. ¡°Everything¡¯s gonna be fine.¡±


    ¡°I love you,¡± she murmurs. It washes over me, setting a fire in my stomach, and I feel warm inside. She takes a deep breath, and says, ¡°And I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°For what?¡± I ask, unable to stop a laugh, and she smiles a little too. ¡°For dragging you here.¡±


    ¡°Better here than there,¡± I say with a shrug, and she twists her mouth, but smiles a little again. ¡°I guess.¡±


    ¡°Come to the fire forum when you¡¯re done,¡± I say quietly after a moment, gently pulling my hand away, and she looks up at me as I raise myself up to leave the tent. I look back at her at the door, and she¡¯s turned away, but I can still see a smile on her lips when I go.

 chapter 13

    It¡¯s the next night that the Bayan plan is put into action.


    Ava and Nua and Penny and I say goodbye to Sloan, and she heads down the southern track, towards the entrance near the train station that Ava took us to. She¡¯ll have to cross a river of leaking sewage, Penny tells us, and climb another ladder, and then come back with Bayan in tow. It¡¯ll take some time, I don¡¯t know how long, and Ava is nervous, I can tell. She paces around the fire in the fire forum, watching the smoke rise up through the hole in the ceiling and disappear into the darkness.


    ¡°Sit down,¡± says Penny after a few minutes. ¡°You¡¯re bothering me.¡±


    She makes a face at him, and doesn¡¯t sit down. He¡¯s in the old dirty armchair, Nano at his feet, and Nua and I have moved folding chairs next to each other. I sigh, sliding down in my chair, and lean my head against Nua¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Are we just gonna wait?¡±


    ¡°Nothing else to do,¡± mutters Penny, watching his sister go around and around the fire, twisting Keol¡¯s ring on her thumb. Her other hand lies on her chest, right over her heart. ¡°I should¡¯ve gone.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Penny with a snort. ¡°But I should¡¯ve. Just to show Mother I¡¯m still alive, see the look on her stupid face.¡±


    ¡°She knows you¡¯re still alive,¡± says Ava dismissively. ¡°She just doesn¡¯t know how to get to you.¡±


    ¡°All of us, now,¡± says Penny with a sigh, leaning his head back, and I look up at Nua. He just shrugs a little.


    Sloan has only been gone half an hour. She¡¯ll be climbing the ladder by this point, I think, at least, if she¡¯s not out yet. Then she¡¯ll have to get all the way to the house, and she¡¯ll have to sneak in through the garage door, if the code is right. 9-26-67. It might not even work. She might come back empty-handed. But if it is right then she has to sneak through the house, the big stupid beach house, and find Bayan. I don¡¯t even know where Bayan sleeps, does Bayan ever sleep?


    ¡°Sit down, duckling,¡± says Penny after a few moments of quiet only interrupted by the cracking of the fire and Ava¡¯s feet. She looks at him, and I do too, wanting to ask, but I don¡¯t. Nua smiles a bit, and I bite my thumbnail.


    Ava does sit, though, but only for a few seconds before she stands up again. ¡°Where¡¯s Shan?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± says Penny. ¡°In Shan.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t just sit here,¡± says Ava softly, running her fingers through her hair, and Penny nods, standing. ¡°Then let¡¯s take a walk.¡±


    He gestures for me and Nua, too, and we stand and follow them down the western track. Nano comes too. Sigrid and Alis are in the room where Nua and I met Penny, and we go in to join them. There¡¯s a kettle of tea on the table, and Alis gestures to it when we come in. ¡°Hello, LeGattes.¡±


    I grumble, but accept a cup. Ava grins at me, but there¡¯s anxiety in her eyes, and it¡¯s flitting about in my stomach like a butterfly. Sigrid can tell, because she sits down in one of the folding chairs and says, ¡°So what¡¯s up with you all?¡±


    ¡°Bayan,¡± says Penny softly, and Sigrid nods, clutching her teacup with both hands. ¡°Ah.¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t seen him in what, three years?¡± Alis asks Penny, and he nods, biting his lip as his dog bumps her head against his hand. He pets her. ¡°But he¡¯s alright.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s fine,¡± says Ava softly. ¡°He could be better, but he¡¯s fine, he just needs to be here, god, when my mother found out I was gone¡­¡±


    And I look at Nua, remembering the day that Bayan came into our room to give us breakfast, and his lip was broken, his face bruised. That was about a week and a half after he had taken Ava away, so she was already still alive. She must have already been gone. That must¡¯ve been why. ¡°Did he help you?¡±


    ¡°Of course,¡± says Ava quietly, sitting down on the ground, right in the dirt. She holds her cup in both hands too, and takes a sip, but her hands are shaking. ¡°He took me out of the hospital, said he wanted me to get some fresh air.¡±


    ¡°And Sloan was waiting,¡± says Alis, and Ava looks at him, and nods. ¡°Yeah. And I just left him.¡±


    ¡°So did we,¡± says Nua softly. I sit down on the ground next to Ava, but look up at him. ¡°Why did we leave him?¡±


    ¡°Because he told you to,¡± answers Ava, her voice quiet. She takes another sip of tea, and then puts the cup down on the ground. ¡°Because he¡¯s fucking stupid, because he wanted you to go, he, he.¡±


    Nua shakes his head. ¡°No. He¡¯s smart.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± agrees Ava with a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. ¡°He still had something, or things, he needed to do. And I don¡¯t know what they were, and I just, she might¡¯ve killed him before he could¡¯ve done them, god, we just left him there.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s on his way, now,¡± I say quietly, and Ava glances at her watch. ¡°I hope so.¡±


    Nova comes in a little while later. Ava and I are still sitting on the ground, and Nua¡¯s leaning against the table with Penny, and she smiles when we look over at her. ¡°Just waiting?¡±


    ¡°How long should it take?¡± asks Penny, and she shrugs. Ava leans back until she¡¯s lying down, closing her eyes. ¡°She¡¯ll be at the house by now.¡±


    ¡°You think?¡± asks Nua quietly, and she nods. ¡°Not that far.¡±


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    Not that far at all, except Sloan went a different way. She has to go all the way back from the train station to the house, and get in, and get Bayan, and come back, and we don¡¯t even know if she can get in. My fingers are trembling a little bit, because all I can imagine is going back to the house. I¡¯m not even there, but I can imagine it, imagine how Bayan must have felt watching us go, leaving him alone with Miss Lilly. I remember, after Keol died, she wanted to talk to me, and I hardly remember anything she said because all I can remember is her trailing her fingers over my arm, taking my chin in her hands, and I shiver.


    Sigrid looks at me. ¡°You alright?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur. Ava opens an eye, and then sits up again, and says, ¡°Nova.¡±


    ¡°Yes, dear,¡± says Nova, and Sigrid smiles a bit. Ava does too, and says, ¡°Did Marissa ever get the vitamins Alicia went up for?¡±


    Nova makes a face, sitting on Sigrid¡¯s lap, and I look at Ava when she does it, remembering her sitting on mine. Ava¡¯s standing up now, though, and Alis says, ¡°We had some issues with some of my food distribution people.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    Nova shrugs, her arm around Sigrid¡¯s shoulders. ¡°Some people wondering why we got them just for Marissa when there are people down here all the time who need vitamin D.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s pregnant,¡± says Ava, as if we didn¡¯t know, and Nova laughs. ¡°Yeah. I had to step in for that one and moderate, but we got it all figured out. I don¡¯t know if she¡¯s taken them yet, though, wanna go ask?¡±


    Ava looks down at me, and I say softly, ¡°Go.¡±


    She raises her eyebrows, and I pick up my cup of tea again. ¡°Get your mind off it, for a minute. We¡¯ll come get you when they get back.¡±


    She looks at me a moment more, and then nods. Nova stands with a sigh, and Penny watches them go out together, and then looks at Alis and Sigrid, sitting in the stools by the table. ¡°Is she okay?¡±


    ¡°Which she?¡± asks Sigrid, looking after Nova as she goes, and Penny shrugs, sinking into a folding chair and putting his head in his hands. ¡°I don¡¯t know. Any of them. All of them. What time is it?¡±


    I don¡¯t have a watch. Alis does. ¡°3:42.¡±


    ¡°In the morning?¡± I ask in surprise, and he laughs, nodding. ¡°Sloan left around an hour ago.¡±


    ¡°She should be back soon,¡± murmurs Nua. And then Sloan bursts through the open space where a door should be, dragging someone behind her, and that someone is Bayan.


    His face is a mess again. One eye is swollen and his lip is broken, even worse than before, and even on his forearms where his sleeves are a little rolled up I can see bruises flowing against his brown skin. There¡¯s a cut on his nose, too, but he just looks at me and Nua, and then past us, to Penny.


    And we look at Penny too, but he doesn¡¯t seem to even remember we¡¯re there. He stares at Bayan, tears filling his eyes, and then goes to him and wraps him up close to him. I can see Bayan wince a little, but he hugs Penny back, shaking now. He turns his head, burying his face in Penny¡¯s long hair, and then Penny says softly, ¡°I missed you.¡±


    Bayan just nods, and they don¡¯t let go for a long moment. Sigrid and Alis leave quietly, to go get Ava, she left at just the wrong moment. Sloan puts the things she¡¯s holding down on the table, including a manilla folder that looks just like the one Ava gave me about Abigala, and then slips out of the room too. Finally Penny pulls away and puts his hand on Bayan¡¯s cheek, running his thumb over the bruise under his eye. Bayan just shakes his head. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡±


    Penny shakes his head, pressing his lips together. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve left you there.¡±


    Bayan just smiles slightly, as much as he can, and says quietly, ¡°We all made it.¡±


    He looks over Penny¡¯s shoulder at us, and Penny looks at us too, and then steps out of the way. I hug Bayan gently too, and whisper, ¡°Thank you.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± he says, pulling away, and Nua gives him a hug, too. ¡°You just relax now, for a while, okay?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Bayan with another small smile, and suddenly Ava runs into the room too.


    She stops short when she sees him, then takes a deep breath. ¡°Bayan.¡±


    ¡°Miss Ava,¡± he says softly. She stares at him for a moment, then says quietly, ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re safe.¡±


    He nods, smiling slightly, and then she moves forward and hugs him. He squeezes her back, and when she lets go he says, ¡°And trust me, I was not at all shocked to hear that the twins forbade each other from coming.¡±


    Ava glances at Penny, smiling slightly, and Bayan nods at her. ¡°Thank you.¡±


    Ava exhales, rubbing her lips together, and nods. Penny examines his fingernails on the other side of the room. ¡°How¡¯s darling mother?¡±


    Ava looks at her feet as Bayan¡¯s gaze flickers between the twins, and then he says quietly, ¡°Angry.¡±


    Ava swallows, running her eyes over the bruises on his face. He directs his next words to her. ¡°And she misses you.¡±


    Ava crosses her arms over her chest, not looking at her twin nor her former servant, then nods shortly. ¡°Well, I¡¯m glad we got you out, then.¡±


    He nods again. ¡°It¡¯s appreciated, Miss Ava.¡±


    She closes her eyes for a moment, and then turns to slip quietly out of the room. Bayan watches her go, and I put my hand on the folder on the table. ¡°What¡¯s this?¡±


    Bayan looks back at me, and then looks at Penny and sighs. ¡°That¡¯s for you.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± says Penny with a grin. ¡°A present.¡±


    I hand it to him, and he opens it. The smile slides off his face, and he furrows his eyebrows. After a moment he says again, ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± says Bayan softly as Penny looks through the rest of the papers inside. ¡°I just¡­I thought you should know.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Penny quietly, blinking back tears. ¡°No, yeah, I, thank you. You didn¡¯t have to.¡±


    Bayan just smiles a little, but he looks sad. Penny closes the folder and hands it back to him. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go tell Ava, I guess.¡±


    Bayan nods, and watches him go out of the room, Nano padding softly behind him. I look at the folder. ¡°What is it?¡±


    Bayan just holds it out, and Nua takes it this time. He raises his eyebrows when he opens it, and says, ¡°Aiden LeGatte.¡±


    ¡°Miss Lilly¡¯s first and only husband,¡± says Bayan softly. ¡°Their father.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I say softly.


    ¡°He died when they were six,¡± says Bayan softly. ¡°I never knew him, I think that¡¯s why she got me.¡± He rubs his lips together, and then continues. ¡°She, um. Miss Ava has always suspected that she had something to do with it.¡±


    ¡°Did she?¡± I ask quietly, and Nua shrugs. ¡°Hospital records. They say they checked for foreign or suspicious substances, but he died before the results came back, what does that mean?¡±


    Bayan does not say anything for a moment, and then after a moment he murmurs, ¡°Poison.¡±


    My eyes widen, and Bayan shrugs too, looking away. ¡°I don¡¯t know if it was on purpose. I don¡¯t know, really. But the doctors, they suspected something, too.¡±


    ¡°God,¡± says Nua softly. ¡°How evil can she get?¡±


    Bayan just smiles slightly. ¡°Trust me, Master Nua.¡±


    We do. He leaves after that, to go find Penny again, and Nua looks at me. ¡°We were in more danger than we knew in that stupid house.¡±


    ¡°Ignorance is bliss,¡± I murmur, and he comes to me, leaning against the table too. He shakes hair out of his eyes and asks, ¡°So now what?¡±


    ¡°Now what?¡± I ask. He shrugs. ¡°Abigala?¡±


    I sigh, looking away. ¡°My parents.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± agrees Nua.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what happened to them,¡± I say softly, looking back at him. His eyes sparkle blue in the light of the lantern. ¡°I know what happened to Abigala, I guess, but I don¡¯t really know why. But I don¡¯t know about my parents at all.¡±


    ¡°Haywood can help you with that, can¡¯t he?¡± asks Nua, reaching his hand out for mine. He takes my fingers in his, and I smile a little, pressing our palms together. ¡°Yeah. I was gonna talk to him as soon as we got Bayan back.¡±


    ¡°We can ask him tomorrow,¡± says Nua softly, lacing our fingers together. I nod. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°You alright?¡± asks Nua, and I nod. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±

 chapter 14

    Shan stands for Sigrid Haywood Alis Nova, the four people in charge around here. It¡¯s also the name of the buildings in the middle of the intersection of all the tracks, because it¡¯s where the Shan people can always be found. I¡¯m starting to understand how things work around here. A few days after Bayan arrives in Tent City Ava decides she wants to make a picnic. So Bayan goes to talk to some of Alis¡¯ food people, and Penny digs up an old red checkered blanket to borrow from one of Sloan¡¯s information runner friends. They spread it out on the ground next to the room with the map in it, the room where Nua and I met Penny and found Bayan again. Shan the building area always has lanterns around it, always lit, and the light just barely reaches all the way up to the high curved ceilings. Nua sits with Ava on the blanket, but I stand up before Bayan and Penny come back with the food, wandering away.


    Nano is lying next to Ava, her head in her lap, and I wonder if Ava misses Shiv. I wonder if Miss Lilly is even feeding her. I sit down on a pile of bricks near the southern track, looking around at the people who live in Shan. Most of the tents in Tent City are in the tracks, but a few people have pitched theirs in Shan. I wonder if they¡¯re the oldest people here, or the newest. I wonder how long people can go without any sunlight. That¡¯s probably why Alis always gives us orange juice, or is that some other vitamin? I wonder if they¡¯ve figured out a diet for the people who have been down here for a while so they don¡¯t deficit anything. I wonder how long we¡¯ll be down here, how long it¡¯ll be until I¡¯ll see the sun again.


    ¡°Aber,¡± says someone, and I jump. When I look up, I see Haywood standing nearby, and he smiles a little and sits down next to me on the bricks. ¡°Ava told me that you wanted to talk.¡±


    I feel nerves suddenly blossom in my stomach, and I don¡¯t know why. I like Haywood, he¡¯s always been helpful, and he¡¯s the information person. I take a deep breath, staring across Shan to where Ava and Nua are sitting on their little blanket together, and say softly, ¡°My name is Aberworth Ahman.¡±


    His eyebrows go up. I don¡¯t know why, but I assumed he would react somehow when he heard my last name.


    ¡°My parents ran a shelter,¡± I say quietly, unsure of where to start. ¡°That¡¯s how Ava¡¯s mother found me.¡±


    Haywood looks at me for a moment, and then just nods. ¡°That must have been hard.¡±


    I glance at him. ¡°Hard?¡±


    ¡°You grew up around people all like this?¡± he says, gesturing around us. ¡°You heard everything, first-hand?¡±


    I shrug, twisting my fingers together. ¡°I never really knew anyone who wasn¡¯t¡­traumatized.¡±


    ¡°That can be traumatizing for you,¡± says Haywood softly. ¡°Or hard, at the very least. I know we¡¯ve been talking about things like the agencies¡­and such a lot lately. But there are people out there, who lived normal lives.¡±


    ¡°I wish my parents didn¡¯t care so much,¡± I say suddenly, looking at the ground. I don¡¯t want to look at Haywood, he¡¯s looking at me, but I¡¯m ashamed of saying it. ¡°They helped people, I know that, but they were always so worried, all the time. We never really got to be happy.¡±


    And Haywood just nods slowly, exhaling, as if he knows exactly what I mean. ¡°That¡¯s something we don¡¯t talk about a lot, is it.¡±


    I glance at him, and then look away.


    ¡°Young people nowadays. I can see it when I look at you, and Nua and Penny, and even Ava. The reason we do this whole marriage thing, at least the way that we¡¯ve been doing it for the past few decades, is so that there will continue to be life, human life. But if this is how you have to live, in constant fear and pain, is it even worth it?¡±


    Bayan approaches Ava and Nua on the other side of Shan, with Penny at his side. I¡¯m pretty sure they¡¯re sharing a tent now. They sit down with Ava and Nua. Haywood follows my eyes, and says, ¡°What do you think happened to your parents?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I say quietly, turning to him. ¡°Have you heard anything about them?¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± he says with a shrug. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t know I should have been listening specifically for the name Ahman. I will now, though.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s okay,¡± I say softly. ¡°I should¡¯ve said something sooner.¡±


    ¡°Not your fault,¡± says Haywood with a slight smile. ¡°We¡¯ve got a lot of things to be worried about.¡±


    ¡°Miss Lilly raided the shelter,¡± I say quietly, and something flickers through his eyes, but I can¡¯t tell what it is. ¡°She took my parents away, and I think she took my sister away, too.¡±


    ¡°Your sister.¡±


    ¡°Abigala,¡± I say, and this time I recognize the look in his eye: he knows the name. ¡°Abigala Ahman.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± he says softly. ¡°Abigala Ahman.¡±


    ¡°I know she has a job,¡± I say quietly. ¡°In the government. Ava told me that. But I think that there¡¯s something she still isn¡¯t telling me.¡±


    Haywood stares at me. I can practically see the wheels spinning in his head, and I furrow my eyebrows. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± he says in surprise, and I glance at Ava, and then back at him. ¡°What? Do you know something?¡±


    Haywood opens his mouth, and then closes it. Finally he says, ¡°I¡¯ve heard of your sister.¡±


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    ¡°Do you know anything about her?¡± I ask quietly, feeling heat and pressure behind my eyes. I blink to push it away. ¡°Anything she¡¯s done, anything that¡¯s happened?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± he says softly. He studies me for a moment, and then says, ¡°What¡¯s wrong, Aber?¡±


    ¡°She got married,¡± I say softly. ¡°To four men. And I don¡¯t know why she would do that. She would never do that if my parents were around. So I don¡¯t know what happened to them, and I don¡¯t know what happened to her, if she¡¯s okay, if she¡¯s, if she¡¯s¡­¡±


    ¡°If she¡¯s helping or hurting,¡± says Haywood quietly, and I swallow, and then nod. Haywood smiles gently, and puts his hand on my shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ll talk to Sigrid and the women. I¡¯ll let them know to keep an ear out. We¡¯ll figure it out.¡±


    ¡°Thank you,¡± I whisper, closing my eyes for a moment, and then opening them. They¡¯re pulled immediately to my wife, and Haywood follows my gaze, looking over at Ava and Nua sitting on the ground a little ways away. They¡¯re on the picnic blanket, sitting cross-legged facing each other, and Ava gives him a piece of fruit from the bowl next to her. He takes it, saying something, and she smiles. I smile too, and Haywood looks at me. ¡°You can love them both, you know.¡±


    I feel heat rising in my neck, and I look over at him. ¡°What?¡±


    He laughs a little, leaning back. ¡°Love is weird, Aber Ahman. You know that, because you¡¯re a boy. Did you ever think you¡¯d be married, though?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I whisper. ¡°Not until they took my parents away.¡±


    Haywood nods. ¡°Yeah. And all you knew about marriage was the bad parts. We¡¯re told, ever since we¡¯re old enough, that it¡¯s really hard to love a woman.¡±


    Ava laughs, over on the picnic blanket, and I see a smile on Nua¡¯s face, too.


    ¡°And of course,¡± Haywood says, ¡°no one ever even tells us that we could love a man. The whole point of it all is supposed to be babies, right?¡±


    I look at him, and he grins, too. ¡°We¡¯ve both grown up in a world where the only destiny for us is one that will most likely hurt us. But it doesn¡¯t, not all the time. Some people get lucky.¡±


    My father got lucky. Keol got lucky.


    ¡°Do you love her?¡± asks Haywood, and I look back over at Ava. Nua says something to her, and I smile a little. Haywood does, too. ¡°Do you love him?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I whisper. Haywood shrugs. ¡°That¡¯s okay. You¡¯re young, you don¡¯t have to know, or decide. But know that people like me and Alis have always existed. So have people like Sigrid and Nova.¡±


    ¡°How did you know?¡± I ask. ¡°When did you find out, that you, that you couldn¡¯t love a woman?¡±


    ¡°When we married,¡± answers Haywood. ¡°Alis and I became friends right away, and we even liked Nova, as a person, at least, but she never wanted us.¡±


    ¡°You were married to Nova?¡± I ask in surprise, and he laughs. ¡°I mean, we still are, technically. Me and Alis both. But the whole time we were on the surface, acting all married, she only ever had eyes for Sigrid.¡±


    I laugh a little, and he smiles too. ¡°You ever notice that the three of us all wear rings, but Nova doesn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say, and he smiles a little. ¡°Alis and I got our wedding rings when we married Nova, and she got one too, of course. When we ran away, she gave hers to Sigrid. So Alis and I, we have ours for each other, and Nova finally actually got to choose to give a ring to someone who she really loves.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I say softly, looking down at the ring on my own finger. Nua still wears his too, I don¡¯t know if he¡¯s even thought about it, and of course Ava has Keol¡¯s around her thumb. ¡°Why did you run away?¡±


    ¡°We just couldn¡¯t take it anymore, one day,¡± says Haywood. ¡°We had to, we had to leave, we had to get out of there, all four of us. That was years ago. You probably weren¡¯t even born yet.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m eighteen,¡± I say, and he nods. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been down here for more than eighteen years?¡± I say in shock, and he laughs. ¡°Well, when you say it like that.¡±


    Someone walks by and waves to Haywood, and he waves back. I see the wedding ring glinting on his finger, and then he continues. ¡°Marriage is supposed to be a celebration of love between people. But for so long now, it¡¯s just been a way of choosing who has children with who. And sometimes love grows out of that, it¡¯s true.¡±


    I look at Ava again. She told you that she loves you. Haywood says, ¡°She loved her first husband, didn¡¯t she?¡±


    ¡°Her second,¡± I say softly, and then clear my throat. ¡°Well, yeah. Her first husband was Owen, her and Penny¡¯s friend when they were kids. But it was Keol who she loved, who she was in love with. And of course they¡¯re the ones that had to die.¡±


    ¡°Love isn¡¯t something that just happens,¡± says Haywood softly. ¡°It¡¯s something that grows, in an environment where it¡¯s nourished, and fed, and taken care of. Most marriages nowadays are¡­not that. But they should be. And I think that because Ava loved Keol, she created an environment where love was possible, at the very least. Even if it wasn¡¯t specifically between you and her, or you and Nua, you still knew it could happen, and it wouldn¡¯t be painful. It didn¡¯t have to be, at least.¡±


    ¡°She told me she loves me,¡± I whisper, feeling tears in my eyes suddenly. I don¡¯t know why, I¡¯m not exactly sad, but I¡¯m sad because of Keol, and I feel so much inside of my stomach and my heart and I don¡¯t know what it all means, it just twists inside of me like lava in a volcano. ¡°But I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s because¡­¡±


    ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be because anything,¡± says Haywood gently. ¡°Look, I don¡¯t know you that well, but I have gotten to know Ava over the past month or two. And the way that she talked about you, you specifically, I would¡¯ve thought that you were her prominent if I didn¡¯t know otherwise.¡±


    I smile, feeling a tear on my cheek. ¡°Nua said I would¡¯ve been. If she didn¡¯t leave us so soon after Keol died, if she had to pick again.¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± murmurs Haywood. ¡°Love isn¡¯t the answer, Aber. It¡¯s the question. The three of you, you¡¯re the only ones who can figure it out for yourselves.¡±


    I look down at my finger, where the wedding ring that Ava gave me the day that I met her glistens in the dim light. She had a cigarette in her mouth when she slid it on my finger, and her cat was lying on the couch nearby, watching us. She showed me hers that day, too, the four diamonds set carefully into the gold. The one that represented me was already there, presumably before she had even met me; she knew she was going to have to take a fourth husband no matter how she or he, whoever he was, felt about it. There were two when she got it, I assume, for Keol and Owen; one more added when Nua came, and then one more for me. And now it¡¯s just two of us again, but Penny¡¯s back, and Bayan¡¯s here, and Ava laughs on her picnic blanket in the middle of Shan, a mile underground in the dirt and dust of the abandoned tunnels. And Abigala is somewhere up above us, but I cannot get to her, and I don¡¯t even know if I want to get to her, and everything is upside down, the whole world, and I don¡¯t know what to do. I just stand up and leave Haywood sitting there, and go to Ava and Nua. She looks up at me as I approach. ¡°Hey, where¡¯d you go?¡±


    I just shrug, sitting down next to her, and Nua grins at me, sliding a box of crackers towards me. I take one, turning it over in my fingers, and listen. Ava¡¯s in the middle of describing something to Penny, and after a few moments I realize I recognize it. ¡°Dominic was having an affair with Vanessa, the scullery maid.¡±


    ¡°I saw that part,¡± says Penny, and Ava grins. ¡°Ah, but did you get to when he killed her?¡±


    Penny¡¯s eyes widen. This is the plot to one of the TV shows that Ava used to watch with Keol, lounging on the couch in the second floor living room. Apparently she used to watch it with Penny, too, but he must have stopped being able to keep up when he got married, because Ava¡¯s trying to catch him up. ¡°Yeah. It was kind of an accident, but not really, and he managed to hide her body and get away with it. But later on, in season, like, eight, I think, someone else broke into the crown jewels room and stole the queen¡¯s scepter or something.¡±


    ¡°It was her royal ring,¡± says Bayan quietly, and Ava snaps her fingers. ¡°Right, but they had to unscrew it from the scepter, right?¡±


    ¡°Something like that,¡± says Bayan, and Nua laughs. Ava holds up her hands. ¡°And they blamed it on Dominic. So now he¡¯s getting investigated, and he isn¡¯t even the one who stole the jewels, but now they might find out that he actually killed Vanessa.¡±


    ¡°Would that be worse?¡± muses Penny, and Ava shrugs. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Wait, what about Donovan?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m getting there,¡± says Ava, waving her hands. ¡°My turn, I¡¯m talking now.¡±


    And Penny just smiles, and so does Ava, and so do I. I don¡¯t care about seeing the sunlight again. I¡¯ll stay down here, as long as she wants.

 chapter 15

    ¡°Okay,¡± says Penny, his eyes sparkling. ¡°My turn.¡±


    It¡¯s been around a week since I¡¯ve talked to Haywood. Sloan has gone out and come back, reporting to us that there is snow on the ground now. She sits with us by the fire some nights, with her dog Chloe, and sometimes Penny and Nua and Ava get into a conversation about some book that they¡¯ve all read. I just listen because I haven¡¯t. During one of these times she tells me quietly without anyone listening that Haywood is reaching out, through his information women, to contacts he has in the government. I ask for more information, but she just shrugs; that¡¯s not what she does and she doesn¡¯t really know anything. But apparently Haywood can reach people that not even Ava could¡¯ve, at least not without a lot of work, so I don¡¯t know what they¡¯ll find.


    ¡°For what?¡± says Ava, her voice snarky. She¡¯s curled up in the dirty old armchair, her feet under her, and she¡¯s running her fingers up and down the bandage on her chest. I can see it sticking out from underneath her clothes, and I move my chair a little closer to her. ¡°You good?¡±


    She ignores me, and so does Penny. ¡°I wanna do another protest.¡±


    ¡°Another?¡± I ask in surprise, turning away from Ava, and something flashes through my mind. ¡°You¡¯ve done them before?¡±


    ¡°I saw him.¡±


    ¡°Oh, yeah,¡± says Penny. Nano is walking around the fire forum, and finally settles in next to him on the ground, putting her head on her paws. ¡°I¡¯ve been part of them. But Sigrid and Haywood want me to organize one this time, so that¡¯s where you all come in.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t even know what he looks like, how do you know you saw him?¡±


    ¡°Been part of them how?¡± asks Ava, sitting up a little straighter. ¡°You¡¯ve gone up to the surface?¡±


    ¡°Because he looks exactly like you. He¡¯s your-¡±


    ¡°A few times,¡± says Penny with a shrug. He holds up his hands. ¡°Don¡¯t be mad. I¡¯ve worn a mask, no one saw my face, I¡¯ve never been part of the main action, really. Haywood wouldn¡¯t let me.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t talk about him.¡±


    I look at Ava. I don¡¯t think that she knows I overheard her and Keol talking the night that we came home from going into town, when we were caught in the middle of a protest ourselves, when people, who must have been Sigrid and Haywood¡¯s people, threw paint from the roofs of buildings. Nua and I got covered in pink, and Ava whisked us away back home before anything dangerous happened. And Keol swore to her that he saw Penny there. And she would not believe him.


    I can tell she¡¯s thinking the same thing right now, but she just leans her head back, rubbing the stitches on her left side. ¡°You¡¯re stupid. You shouldn¡¯t do that.¡±


    ¡°Do you want him to be dead?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t in good faith send people up to the surface to risk their lives if I¡¯m not willing to go myself,¡± says Penny, and Ava scoffs. ¡°You¡¯re risking a lot more than they are. Not all of them have Lilly LeGatte for a mother.¡±


    ¡°So why are you refusing to accept that he isn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°Valid point,¡± murmurs Nua, and Penny glares at him. He raises his hands. ¡°Hey, I¡¯m just saying, she¡¯s my mother-in-law, too.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not. I¡¯m refusing to accept false hope.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, we all know she has an obsessive need to control the people around her,¡± says Penny, rolling his eyes. ¡°That¡¯s why I¡¯ve been making an effort to not be around her anymore.¡±


    ¡°Oh, so can I come up with you this time?¡± asks Ava, and Penny shakes his head. ¡°Nah.¡±


    She stares at him, and he shrugs. ¡°You¡¯re the one she wants, Ava.¡±


    ¡°She wouldn¡¯t hesitate to snatch you up too,¡± grumbles Ava. ¡°And send you back to your wife.¡±


    ¡°Anyway,¡± I say loudly, and they all look at me. I just look at Penny. ¡°Tell us about your protest.¡±


    ¡°The last one was paint,¡± says Penny, and Nua and I look at each other. Ava is also looking at us, but Penny doesn¡¯t seem to notice. ¡°We splattered it on the ground, all across the city. This time, I want to do something that¡¯s a little harder to clean up.¡±


    ¡°Trust me,¡± says Nua, ¡°the paint was hard enough.¡±


    Penny looks at him, confused, and Ava snorts, looking at her nails. ¡°You threw pink paint all over the boys.¡±


    ¡°You were there?¡± asks Penny in delight, a smile lighting up his face, and I can¡¯t help but laugh. ¡°Ava took us to the library.¡±


    ¡°The library, the library on nineteenth?¡± asks Penny, furrowing his eyebrows, and Ava makes a face. ¡°Yes. And Nua¡¯s right, they each had to take like four showers before it all came off. So what¡¯s your new brilliant plan?¡±


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    ¡°Um,¡± says Penny, distracted. He looks at Bayan, who just shakes his head slightly. Ava seems not to notice, still looking at her fingers, twisting Keol¡¯s ring around, and Penny blinks, and then says, ¡°The trains.¡±


    ¡°What about the trains?¡± I ask, and Penny shakes his head to clear it, and jumps back into focus. ¡°We stop the trains.¡±


    ¡°How are we supposed to do that?¡± says Nua after a moment, and Penny grins, picking up a pack of small cards, about six inches by four. ¡°That¡¯s where the plan comes in.¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± mutters Nua as Penny hands him a card. And then he passes one to me, and I turn it over in my hands. It just has three numbers and three words on it, 7 42 91, south midtown theater. Penny says, ¡°For Bayan, and here.¡± He gives a fourth to Ava, and she takes it, but takes a deep, sharp breath.


    ¡°You okay?¡± I ask again, and her eyebrows knit together. She sounds irritated when she says, ¡°Be quiet.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± says Penny in slight surprise. She¡¯s staring at the words on her card, and suddenly I see her eyes are filled with tears.


    Her hand goes over her heart like it does now when she¡¯s upset, over Keol¡¯s heart, Keol, her favorite, because she knew that he knew how to manipulate her. The clever one, even if he wasn¡¯t educated like she was. I¡¯m starting to understand.


    ¡°Ava,¡± I say quietly, ¡°can you read?¡±


    Nua looks at me in shock, and Penny scoffs. ¡°Can she read? Of course she can read.¡±


    ¡°Hold on,¡± says Nua, and Penny pauses, looking at his sister. Her hands are trembling, tears are running down her cheeks now, and he says uneasily, ¡°Ava?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she whispers, throwing it down to the ground, and then she stands and runs from the fire forum.


    Penny gapes after her, then looks at me. ¡°What¡­¡±


    ¡°The transplant restarted her brain,¡± says Nua quietly. ¡°She might not¡­have gotten everything back.¡±


    ¡°She remembers me,¡± says Penny quietly, sinking into his chair, and I nod slowly. ¡°She remembers people, but maybe not information. And she has his heart.¡±


    Nua looks at me, and I glance at him, then look to the fire. ¡°Keol couldn¡¯t read.¡±


    He blinks. ¡°Wait, really?¡±


    I shake my head. Penny sighs. ¡°Great, just another reminder of her dead husband.¡±


    He says the word so bitterly that I¡¯m slightly offended before I come to my senses, and then he stands up slowly. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go talk to her.¡±


    Nua nods, leaning back in his chair, and then once we¡¯re alone he says, ¡°He couldn¡¯t-?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say, shaking my head. ¡°Even Ava didn¡¯t know, she heard him telling me. Well, threatening me not to laugh at him for it.¡±


    Nua smiles slightly, no doubt picturing our wife¡¯s husband caught in what she called a sore spot, and then leans back again. ¡°So is this a memory issue because of the transplant or a her-getting-pieces-of-Keol issue because of the transplant?¡±


    ¡°I dunno,¡± I say quietly, looking at the door of the tent where the twins disappeared. ¡°But hopefully she can learn again.¡±


    Bayan sighs, and I jump, almost having forgotten he was in the room. ¡°She¡¯s been under a lot of pressure lately.¡±


    ¡°Haven¡¯t we all,¡± murmurs Nua, running his eyes over the information on his card. Bayan smiles slightly, looking at his as well, and says, ¡°Penny has been talking to Alis and Haywood recently. They¡¯ll tell us about the plan soon enough. He just was excited.¡±


    I smile a little. Penny¡¯s emotions flow out of him like a river, while Ava has had to build a dam her whole life, to keep everyone and everything she loves from being used against her by their mother. And now something has happened to her that she never could have imagined, and she has no idea how to react.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know exactly what happened in the hospital,¡± Bayan continues after a moment, ¡°what they did to her. But it was something rare, something that doesn¡¯t always work. And even thought it was her lungs and her heart¡­she was dead. That¡¯s got to do something to a person¡¯s brain, being dead.¡±


    I exhale slowly, leaning my head back. We¡¯ve been here for a month, underground, with hardly any light and no sun. Ava should be up above the surface in a hospital, on the beach. Her brain needs it, her body needs it, her spirit needs it. But of course, so many people down here need it just as much, if not more. There are no doctors down here, there¡¯s nowhere to go and just relax, there¡¯s no one to talk to except for Haywood, and not everyone knows Haywood. All we can do around here is sit and wait and think, and close our eyes against the darkness, breathe in the dirty air. This is no way to live, and yet people have chosen to be here, for years on end, decades, because it¡¯s better than what they¡¯ve left behind.


    ¡°What time is it?¡± asks Nua after a moment of silence, save for the fire crackling in front of us. Bayan looks at his wrist, but he isn¡¯t wearing a watch. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Hungry?¡± asks Nua, looking at me, and I shrug. ¡°I guess.¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t seen snow in a while,¡± he says as we go down towards Shan. There¡¯s a line down the western track, which means that Alis¡¯ people are handing out food, and we stand behind Nerev, the pregnant woman¡¯s husband. He turns to us when we approach. I¡¯ve only talked to him a few times, but he seems to know Bayan well, because they smile at each other, and Nua says, ¡°How¡¯s Marissa?¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± answers Nerev. ¡°As good as she can be, we think.¡±


    ¡°Must be weird,¡± I say softly, and he grins again. ¡°For her or me?¡±


    ¡°Both,¡± I admit with a smile of my own, and he sighs, nodding. ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s weird. Did you know it moves in there?¡±


    ¡°The baby?¡± says Nua, making a face, and Nerev nods again. ¡°Yeah, you can feel it kicking in her belly.¡±


    I touch my own belly, making a face too, and Nerev laughs a little. The line moves forward, and Bayan says softly, ¡°Miss Ava would not like that.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t know if Marissa likes it so much either,¡± says Nerev with a smile. ¡°But there is something¡­¡±


    He trails off, and then says, ¡°There is something remarkable about it. That she and I made something, and she¡¯s taking care of it for us, and I¡¯m taking care of her, and soon it¡¯ll take care of us.¡±


    Nua smiles a little, his fingers brushing against mine. I wonder if he¡¯s ever wanted children. I never did, not in this world, I even said as much to Ava, albeit only after I slept with her. But I don¡¯t actually know if she wants children. She would not have had to carry it like Marissa is in her body, at least not if we were still living in the beach house, but she¡¯d still have to raise it, and we¡¯d have to deal with her mother. She¡¯s still so young, and so am I. I think of the box of pregnancy tests Nua and I found; eighteen negatives, exactly a year and a half of trying and failing every month, and I wonder if Keol wanted children, either, or if he just wanted Ava.


    When Nua and I find her again, it¡¯s in her tent. We bring her back a carton of food from Alis, and she picks at it, avoiding our eyes. Bayan and Penny go back to their own tent next door, and when Nua and Ava and I finish eating, Nua takes her hand. ¡°Hey.¡±


    She looks at him, biting her lip, and he smiles a little. ¡°You alright?¡±


    ¡°I feel useless,¡± she says softly, glancing at me. ¡°I should be going up, helping Haywood¡¯s people. I should be doing something, and I can¡¯t even read.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to do everything,¡± says Nua softly, rubbing his thumb over hers, over Keol¡¯s ring. ¡°You¡¯re still healing from heart surgery, Ava.¡±


    She smiles a little, touching the bandage on her chest, and Nua pulls his hand out of hers and picks up the book of fairy tales. Ava looks at it, and Nua opens it, flipping to the one he was reading to Keol, the day that he died. ¡°¡®Dear boys,¡¯ said a poor man to his four sons one day. ¡®I have nothing to give you; you must go out into the world and find your own way.¡¯¡±


    Tears fill Ava¡¯s eyes, but she just takes a deep breath and leans over for me. After a moment we lie down, her head on my chest, and Nua reads to us. She closes her eyes, listening to his soft voice in the darkness as he tells us a story about four brothers and a princess and a dragon who steals her away, and she twists Keol¡¯s ring on her finger until she falls asleep.

 chapter 16

    And for the next few days this is how we go to bed every day. It¡¯s not even every night, because we wake up and fall asleep at strange hours. There is no sun to tell us the time. Alis has people organizing meals every three hours, and we usually get at least two of them, six or nine hours apart, and water bottles in between. Sloan goes up and comes back down; more snow is falling, she tells us, and I wonder what it¡¯s like on the beach. It is November now; we have been down here for almost a whole month, and I¡¯m already feeling the effects. It¡¯s been two months for Ava, and years on end for Penny and Sloan; decades for Shan. I don¡¯t know how they do it. I¡¯m already feeling constantly tired and kind of depressed. I don¡¯t know what else I can do except wander around the tracks and sit in the Shan buildings while the Shan people are talking. Marissa¡¯s stomach grows bigger. I don¡¯t think a baby should be born down here. It¡¯s dirty and it would need sunlight, wouldn¡¯t it, but there¡¯s nothing else to do. She cannot go to the surface, no one gives birth anymore, no one would know what to do up there any more than we do down here.


    We go through a story or two every night, depending on how long they are. Nua never complains. Ava looks over his shoulder sometimes, and I don¡¯t know what she sees on the page. Maybe it¡¯s coming back to her a little bit. She still has the index card that Penny gave her, with words on it too, 9 67 104, eastward oceanfront park. She can recognize the numbers, I think, I think Keol could too, but one day when Nua is asleep but we¡¯re both awake she taps me on the shoulder and reluctantly asks me to read the words out loud for her. I do and she just goes back to staring at them, tracing the letters with her fingers.


    A few days after the whole debacle, Penny calls us together again and finally explains the whole plan. Sigrid and Nova are there too, with their own little index cards, but Penny doesn¡¯t use them this time. He just sits on the table in the fire forum, as I sit in the armchair with Ava on my lap once again and Nua on the ground leaning against my legs. The numbers all refer to different streets in the city, and the words are either train stations or popular public spaces downtown that everyone seems to know about except me, because I¡¯m not from around here. That¡¯s also why Haywood has trouble finding out about my parents, because I do not know where Miss Lilly took them after she arrested them, or whatever happened that day at the shelter. I never lived so close to the city before; Miss Lilly took me away from my mother and father so that I would not be able to find them again.


    But Penny tells us that despite the hardships of figuring out what¡¯s really going on in the real world from all the way down here, we have sympathy on the surface, and some of it comes from people who actually have a way to help. One of these people is Alicia¡¯s sister, so Alicia and Sloan will be the ones leading the plan about the trains. Stopping the trains is a lot easier said than done, though, so this plan will take a few months of planning. Penny has just finally gotten all the details roughly outlined. Alicia¡¯s sister has access to the system that programs the trains, and obviously she cannot shut it down or stop them all at once, but there is a way, Penny tells us, to slow things down. There are three agencies in the city, and six different trains run by them in total. Penny and Sloan, along with Alicia and Alicia¡¯s sister, are going to stop the trains in front of the agencies. People will understand, he says, and I believe him.


    Ava has questions. Penny answers them. The cards he gave us are where Sigrid¡¯s women will be when it happens so they can trouble-shoot if need be. They have the addresses of the agencies, of course, scattered across the city, so they won¡¯t be close by, but he wants to work with Sigrid and her women to find a way to link it all together. To make people know it wasn¡¯t an accident, and it has to do with Lilly LeGatte.


    That night he and his sister go off together to get dinner for the rest of us, and after they come back with boxes stacked on top of each other and hand them out, they sit next to each other on the ground near the fire. It¡¯s them and Nua and I and Bayan and Sloan, and we¡¯re all talking and eating and thinking. After a while Ava yawns, putting her head on Penny¡¯s shoulder, and he leans back, bracing his hands on the ground, and continues his conversation with Bayan. I thought fraternal twins weren¡¯t supposed to be exactly the same but they look like carbon copies of each other, except for the fact that Penny actually has longer hair that he ties up behind his head. I don¡¯t think I look much like Abigala.


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    His ever-present dog is with us too, lying on the ground next to them. Her head is up and she pants, looking around, and then looks at me. I smile, and move closer so I can stroke her. I notice that Penny is humming, and after a moment I realize I recognize the song.


    We sit in near-silence a little longer, and Nua moves over to join us. Bayan goes to sit next to Sloan on the other side of the fire. Penny¡¯s eyelids are drooping, and after a little bit they silently switch positions so his head is on his sister¡¯s shoulder, and then in a few moments he¡¯s asleep.


    Nua laughs slightly, and Ava looks down at her twin, grinning. ¡°He works hard.¡±


    ¡°Was he singing the birdie lullaby?¡± I ask, and she nods, touching his hair. ¡°Yeah. I taught it to him when we were younger. Although¡­¡±


    She trails off, and Nua raises his eyebrows at her. She sits for a minute, then completes her thought. ¡°Although I only taught him two of the verses.¡±


    Nua looks at her. ¡°You only sang two of the verses to us, too.¡±


    She sighs, staring into the firelight, but after a moment, she begins to sing quietly.


    ¡°Two birdies sitting in an old palm tree


    A coconut falls,


    there¡¯s room for three


    Another birdie comes and settles in the tree


    and there they stay


    to sit and greet the day.


    Three birdies sitting in an old palm tree


    but one flies away


    it has to flee.


    Two birdies left in the old palm tree


    and there they stay


    to sit and greet the day.¡±


    This is the part we know. She used to sing this to Keol in the garden while he lay on the stone fountain, pretending to ignore her high, light voice. I caught him humming the tune occasionally, absentmindedly like he didn¡¯t even know he was doing it. Now, she pauses, and then takes a deep breath.


    ¡°Two birdies sitting in an old palm tree


    But half fly away


    leaving one, not two nor three


    And one birdie sits in the old palm tree


    But the others flew away;


    so why, then, should it stay?¡±


    She ends with an exhale, her eyes fixated on her brother¡¯s face, and then Nua says quietly, ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°I never taught him that part,¡± she whispers, almost to Penny himself. ¡°I didn¡¯t want him to think that everyone leaves him.¡±


    ¡°You came back,¡± I say quietly. She smiles slightly, her hand pressing against her chest where her heart beats. ¡°Owen taught it to me.¡±


    Nua takes a deep breath, touching her knee, and she exhales. He studies her in the flickering light, her fingers curling over Keol¡¯s heart, and then says softly, ¡°It¡¯s late. We should probably get to bed.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she murmurs, then all of a sudden stands up. ¡°Hey, asshole.¡±


    Penny lets out a small shout as he falls to the ground, and I hold back a laugh as he groans. ¡°Ava!¡± His dog barks, and he touches her on the head to calm her down. Ava grins down at her twin. ¡°Payback.¡±


    Nua laughs; I¡¯m surprised he¡¯s condoning this. Penny laughs too, though, and Ava pulls him up. He punches her lightly on the arm. ¡°Glad you¡¯re back.¡±


    She laughs, taking Nua¡¯s outstretched hand, and then reaches for mine. Penny says good night as he settles back in, a safe distance from the fire, and we follow Ava back to our tent.

 chapter 17

    It gets colder and colder up on the surface, and we don¡¯t feel it that much down here, but it definitely isn¡¯t as warm anymore. Nua sleeps every night wrapped up in the blanket that Penny gave us, and Bayan comes to us one morning to give us more. I don¡¯t think Ava even said anything to him; he just knew.


    As November wanes there is not much to do. We read through the book of fairy tales, and I think Ava tries to look at it often when she thinks we¡¯re sleeping, or not looking. We don¡¯t meet with Sloan or Shan that much, even though I want to talk to Haywood again, but he¡¯s always busy, talking to people and organizing papers and fixing lanterns. He and Alis always sit together in the building that I¡¯ve just taken to calling the map room in my head, because it¡¯s where we first met Penny, where he showed us the map of the tunnels. Haywood and Alis just sit on stools behind the table with screwdrivers and tools and broken lanterns, and don¡¯t say anything to each other, just sit in silence and fix the lanterns, their matching rings glistening in the light when it comes on again.


    Ava and Nua and I just sit with Penny and Bayan, either in our tents next to each other or in the western fire forum. Sloan comes with us sometimes, with her dog Chloe, who seems to like Penny¡¯s dog Nano, which is good, at least they don¡¯t fight. More often than not, though, the dogs are on the surface getting sun, which is good for them, I suppose, with Alicia or another one of Haywood or Sigrid¡¯s people. All women, those people, and I know why, but I still want to go up. I want to feel the sun again, but I suppose the fire¡¯s good enough.


    Every so often we go to sit with Marissa and Nerev, too, because they want to know what¡¯s going on on the surface too. I would assume that everyone would want to know, but that isn¡¯t even really the case. A lot of people here are happy, just to be free of it all, and just spend their time with each other. Marissa and Nerev ask after her mother, she¡¯s a lawyer too, but Nova didn¡¯t know her. Haywood¡¯s information people keep track of a lot of court cases going on, and they follow whatever Marissa¡¯s mother is working on. They¡¯re following my parents, too, I think, or they¡¯re trying to figure out where they are in the first place, but there¡¯s not a lot they can tell me so far about them.


    We get newspapers sometimes too, from Sigrid or Haywood¡¯s people who come down to us in the morning. Penny likes to read them, and Alis has made a habit of giving him the most recent paper whenever he has one. One day as we all sit in the fire forum, Nua with the book of fairy tales in his lap, Penny comes in with breakfast and a paper and a flush in his cheeks.


    ¡°Hey Ava, look who¡¯s on the front page,¡± he says, waving a new newspaper in her face. ¡°Dear old mum.¡±


    ¡°Oh, wonderful,¡± says Ava, squashing the tip of her nose with her thumb. She doesn¡¯t look at the letters printed on the page, and Nano the dog comes up to her, wagging her tail. Ava pets her. ¡°What¡¯s she up to lately?¡±


    ¡°Some big project, yadda yadda yadda, she¡¯s working with outreach programs,¡± says Penny, putting the boxes of food down on the table nearby and sitting down to skin through the article about their mother. ¡°They¡¯re working on reforming the system that oversees the agencies, to hold them more accountable.¡±


    ¡°Bullshit,¡± Ava mutters. Bayan snorts.


    ¡°Accountable how?¡± asks Nua.


    ¡°Our mother got her start in the government by being part of that system,¡± says Ava, rolling her eyes. ¡°She led an investigation of corrupt agencies. Some of them get money from the government based on how many bodies they have, how many boys they take care of. More boys, more government funds. But the corrupt ones, they¡­¡±


    ¡°They sell the boys,¡± says Bayan calmly, from the other side of the fire. ¡°Like I told you.¡±


    Nua looks up at him, and Ava shrugs. ¡°Bluntly, yes. Some people are willing pay under the table to take them off the agency¡¯s hands, and they don¡¯t report it, so they keep getting funds to take care of more people than they really have.¡±


    ¡°Mother went undercover and bought Bayan,¡± says Penny, still skimming through the article. ¡°And then she exposed them and got a promotion and a lot of money and praise and et cetera et cetera. And in all the commotion no one really noticed that she kept Bayan. She¡¯s got a lot of young married people on her side, too,¡± he continues, looking up from the article as if nothing he just said was remotely disturbing. ¡°All women, of course, why would she want to get any men to have a say in this issue, there¡¯s names. Logan Hart, Abigala Ahman, Katrina Hild-¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I say, and Ava sits straight up, looking over at me. Nua¡¯s eyes are wide, and Penny looks up at us. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Abigala?¡± asks Ava, and I grab the paper out of Penny¡¯s hands. He protests for a second, but Nua shushes him, looking over my shoulder at the list of benefactors for our wife¡¯s mother¡¯s campaign.


    ¡°Here,¡± says Penny, grabbing the paper back. Ava¡¯s staring at us. ¡°What¡¯s in the article?¡±


    ¡°Here¡¯s a picture,¡± he says, ignoring her, and gives it back to me. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°What does it say?¡± asks Ava, and no one answers. I¡¯m scanning the picture for Abigala, and then silently, Nua reaches over my shoulder and points. Ava¡¯s mother is standing in the center, and right next to her is my twin sister.


    ¡°Aber,¡± says Ava, and I look up at her. She looks blurry, and I realize it¡¯s because there¡¯s tears in my eyes. Ava glances between us all wildly, and Penny slowly takes the newspaper back. ¡°So¡­¡±


    ¡°My name,¡± I say quietly, ¡°is Aberworth Ahman, and that is my twin sister.¡±


    ¡°Your twin? Why didn''t I know your sister was your twin?¡± says Penny, and then shakes his head. ¡°Wait, no, wrong thing to focus on. Why is your twin with my mother?¡±


    ¡°Excellent question,¡± I breathe, leaning back, and then I cover my face with my hands. ¡°Oh, Abigala.¡±


    Nano nudges me with her nose and I swallow, then pat her on the head. She sits down. Penny¡¯s staring at me, and Ava¡¯s twisting Keol¡¯s ring around and around her thumb, her hands shaking. I look at her, running my hands over my hair. ¡°What didn¡¯t you tell me?¡±


    She freezes, her eyes widening, and then after a moment she looks up at me. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°When we were in Keol¡¯s room,¡± I say softly. ¡°You told me that you knew something about Abigala, but you weren¡¯t going to tell me. Tell me now.¡±


    ¡°Shit,¡± says Ava under her breath, ¡°I did say that, didn¡¯t I.¡±


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    She takes a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut, and then says, ¡°Remember when my mother had her intern over for tea?¡±


    I blink, glancing at Nua. Once Miss Lilly made Bayan put sleeping meds in our dinner, and we all slept until two PM the next day. Before I can say anything in answer, though, Ava continues. ¡°My mother works in the government.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± I say frustratedly, rising to my feet. ¡°Bayan told us, what does this have to do with Abigala?¡±


    Ava stares at me, and after a moment she nods. ¡°She does agencies.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I say, almost shouting. Ava sighs. ¡°Think, Aber.¡±


    I can¡¯t think, my thoughts are racing, I feel my breaths start to come heavy. ¡°What, Ava!¡±


    ¡°My mother,¡± says Ava softly, ¡°is the National Agencies Director.¡±


    National Agencies Director? The words sound familiar, where have I heard them before? I furrow my eyebrows, and then it hits me. I feel a sinking in my stomach. Abigala. Her resume. Assistant to the¡­


    ¡°No,¡± I say softly, turning away from her.


    ¡°There it is,¡± says Ava dryly. I press my hands to my head, and then turn back to her. ¡°My sister works for your mother?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± says Penny loudly, and Nua¡¯s jaw drops.


    ¡°Surprise,¡± murmurs Ava. ¡°That¡¯s it. That¡¯s everything, that¡¯s the last thing I know.¡±


    I¡¯m gonna be sick. ¡°I¡¯m gonna be sick,¡± I murmur, sinking down to the ground. ¡°Oh, god, no.¡±


    ¡°How the hell did that happen?¡± asks Nua, and Ava just shrugs. I stand up and leave the fire forum.


    My head is pounding and my vision is blurred, but no one comes after me. I go down the western track towards Shan, and then I keep walking. I don¡¯t even know what track I go down next, I''m just following tunnels, everything swirling in my brain. Abigala works for Lilly LeGatte. Ava knew that. When Lilly raided the shelter, she took Abigala away, before she took me away. Ava knew. Lilly knew who I was, and she made me marry her daughter. And Ava knew, the whole time. She has known for months that my sister works for her mother. She has known all this time, and she never told me.


    I trip over something, and stumble. I catch myself before I fall, and then kick the thing with my foot. It doesn¡¯t budge, and it shouldn¡¯t. It¡¯s a part of the train tracks, half-buried under the dirt and debris, and in the dim light that filters down the tunnel from behind me the dull metal glints a bit. I sigh, burying my head in my hands, and then push a piece of wood over and sit on it. I can¡¯t get my thoughts straight, I wish I had something to write on. Assistant to the National Agencies Director. We¡¯ve been talking about agencies, this whole time, with Bayan and with Penny, about Keol. Bayan told me she ran the agencies, back at the house before we ran, and I didn¡¯t connect the dots, I didn¡¯t even think about Abigala or her resume. They¡¯re funded by the body, Ava says, more boys more money, but sometimes they get rid of the boys so they can just keep collecting checks. No one cared about Bayan, least of all Miss Lilly. Does Abigala? Does Abigala know? Ava knew. Ava knew, Ava knew, Ava knew.


    ¡°Hey,¡± says someone suddenly, right next to me, and I jump, standing. It¡¯s Sigrid, the woman who¡¯s in charge of the women, and she says, ¡°You¡¯re Aber LeGatte.¡±


    ¡°Ahman,¡± I say. ¡°Aber Ahman.¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± she says with a slight smile. ¡°You okay?¡±


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t she tell me?¡± I say, sitting back down, and Sigrid makes a face, and then sits down next to me. ¡°What, Ava?¡±


    ¡°My twin sister works for Ava¡¯s mother,¡± I say softly. ¡°She knew and she didn¡¯t tell me.¡±


    ¡°Oh, damn,¡± says Sigrid softly. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°You won¡¯t like what you find.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I whisper. ¡°Oh, god, I thought Abigala was going to help me, I thought she was looking for me, to save me, this whole time she¡¯s been working with my mother-in-law?¡±


    Sigrid sucks in a sharp breath, looking down at her fingers so she doesn¡¯t have to look at me. And I notice on the first finger of her left hand a thin golden band, too, Nova¡¯s old wedding ring from when she was married to Haywood and Alis. I still wear mine on my ring finger. I haven¡¯t taken it off since Ava put it on. I hated it at first, I could feel it against my skin, cold metal digging into me, but now I¡¯d feel naked without it.


    ¡°That sucks,¡± says Sigrid after a moment. ¡°I know Haywood¡¯s been looking into your family. Nova¡¯s trying to see if there¡¯s anything we can do to find out about your parents, but we don¡¯t have that great of connections. Running away from your entire life to come live in tunnels underground often complicates some things.¡±


    I manage a slight laugh. ¡°Everything¡¯s a mess. I just, I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    And Sigrid laughs too, leaning her head back. ¡°None of us do, Aber Ahman. God, when Lilly LeGatte¡¯s son came to us, there were some people who didn¡¯t even wanna let him stay. And when he said he wanted to bring his sister here too¡­¡±


    ¡°Lilly LeGatte,¡± I repeat in a whisper. ¡°National Agencies Director.¡±


    ¡°National Agencies Director,¡± agrees Sigrid, nodding her head. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t even know what agencies were,¡± I say. ¡°I had never even heard of them before, god, I didn''t know anything, my parents didn''t tell me anything, and they¡¯re, they¡¯re one of the worst things making all of this happen.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re up there,¡± says Sigrid grimly. ¡°The problem is that the population is in danger, and that¡¯s why we have this marriage culture, but when babies are born, they¡¯re just abandoned. Especially if they¡¯re boys.¡±


    ¡°Ava told me there¡¯s way too many boys,¡± I say softly, and Sigrid laughs. ¡°Well. There¡¯s not enough girls, really. But yeah. About five times as many boys get born every year than girls, which makes finding a wife pretty hard, unless she gets to marry more than once at a time.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I whisper. ¡°Five to one?¡±


    ¡°Five to one,¡± says Sigrid. ¡°Last time we checked, at least.¡±


    ¡°That sucks,¡± I say, and she laughs. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°And the extra boys, they just, they just go to these places that don¡¯t care about them, because no one else will take care of them,¡± I say, ¡°and my sister is helping.¡±


    ¡°Abigala Ahman,¡± says Sigrid softly. ¡°Yeah, Haywood told me.¡±


    Haywood. ¡°Did Haywood know? Why didn¡¯t he say anything?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if he knew,¡± says Sigrid gently. ¡°He has been talking a lot to Ava, though. Both of them, both of the twins.¡±


    ¡°Why doesn¡¯t anyone tell me anything?¡± I say frustratedly, leaning my head back, and Sigrid laughs again. ¡°Well, everything¡¯s kind of a mess down here, Aber Ahman. We¡¯re doing the best we can, but¡­¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur. And Sigrid looks at me, and I look at her. I¡¯ve been wondering about her for a while. She¡¯s always there, with Shan, but I¡¯m really not entirely sure what she does, what her people do. She loves Nova, who deals with fights among people down here, I¡¯ve witnessed a few since I¡¯ve come, and Nova¡¯s two husbands Alis and Haywood organize the supplies for everyone, and the people like Sloan who get us information, respectively. But Sigrid, she is just the woman who runs the women. There are not a lot of women in this world, but there are a few down here with us, and they are the only ones who can go up to the surface, because any man would be asked for his ID card, like when Nua and I went to the library. That¡¯s why most men are married. You have to be married to do a lot of things in this world, you have to be tied to a woman, and despite everything some people must think it¡¯s worth it. But there have got to be a decent amout of men out there without a woman, especially since not all women are married, and some of them live underground in the old abandoned train tracks. And I ask her, ¡°What do your women do?¡±


    And Sigrid looks at me again, and laughs, and says, ¡°Are you clean, Aber?¡±


    I feel heat rush up my cheeks, and she looks away, but there¡¯s a grin on her lips. ¡°Sorry. I shouldn¡¯t have asked, not like that. But I did get my answer. That¡¯s what my women do.¡±


    I rub my lips together, and then squeeze my eyes shut. ¡°Do you make them?¡±


    ¡°Of course not,¡± says Sigrid. ¡°I did it for a while myself, so I know how it works. And it can be dangerous, but shouldn¡¯t be. It¡¯s just another job for them, and one of the only jobs they can do from down here. And we need the money.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur. I wonder if there are any boys who do that. There are five times as many boys in the world than women now, though. Women can get any boy they want, and keep them forever. Men have a harder time with that.


    ¡°Talk to your wife, Aber,¡± says Sigrid gently after a moment. ¡°She¡¯s worried about you.¡±


    And I look at her, tears in my eyes, and Sigrid smiles softly. ¡°She didn¡¯t try to hurt you, I don¡¯t think. She didn¡¯t want to. Let her explain.¡±


    I rub my lips together, and Sigrid nods, and I nod. She stands, and leaves me alone.

 chapter 18

    I wander around the tunnels, getting lost. The four tracks that stick out from Shan like spokes on a wheel are the widest, though, so when I find one of them again I head back down towards the intersection. Finally I find it, and try to orient myself. People are milling about, and I don¡¯t recognize anyone, except for Marissa and Nerev. Their tent is in between the southern and western tracks, and I watch them for a moment. Marissa is rubbing her hand over her belly, her head in Nerev¡¯s lap, and he¡¯s stroking her swollen stomach too. No one has had a child in them for so long in decades. It¡¯s all been live extractions and artificial development since even before my parents can remember. My mother didn¡¯t even give birth to me and Abigala; when she found out she was pregnant the doctors took us out of her, let us grow until we were around what would¡¯ve been around a year old if we had actually been born, and gave us back. My parents visited us to take care of us while we were in the doctors¡¯ care, and then finally got to take us home as one-year-old babies on February 28th. That¡¯s our birthday. But it¡¯s not really, because we were not born.


    I¡¯ve been standing here for a minute, and I snap out of my trance, and then go down the western track towards the fire forum. But before I get there I reach Ava¡¯s tent, and there¡¯s someone inside, I can tell by the flickering of the light coming from inside. I open the flap. Ava sits on her mat with a candle by her side, staring at the words on her little index card that Penny gave her weeks ago.


    She looks up when I come in, though, and puts it to the side. ¡°Aber.¡±


    ¡°What is she doing?¡± I whisper. ¡°Why is she working with your mother?¡±


    Ava looks up at me, and then holds out her hand. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    I take it, and sit down on the mat a little ways away from her. I draw my legs up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and Ava sits on her knees. ¡°I didn¡¯t know, Aber, not when we got married, I didn¡¯t know until a while after.¡±


    ¡°It must¡¯ve,¡± I say, my mind still racing. ¡°She must¡¯ve, you didn¡¯t know?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Ava gently, shaking her head. ¡°I¡¯ve never even met her. My mother never said her name and I never had a reason to think anything of it. I only found out when I started digging, on purpose, for you.¡±


    ¡°So why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± I ask, tears filling my eyes, and she sighs, reaching out for me. She puts her hands on my face, and I can see her lower lip trembling too, and she says, ¡°Hey.¡±


    I shake my head slightly.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she whispers. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t know how to tell you, I wanted to find out what it meant, why it all happened, so I could explain it to you, but I never did, not in time.¡±


    ¡°I thought she was good,¡± I say quietly, my voice breaking, and Ava nods. ¡°I know. She might be.¡±


    ¡°How can she be?¡± I ask, hearing in my voice the desperation that I feel. ¡°You said, you told me she got married, she¡¯s working for your mother.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Ava softly. ¡°Maybe she was looking for you.¡±


    ¡°She would¡¯ve,¡± I say. She would¡¯ve found me. She would¡¯ve contacted me by now, or at least tried. She would¡¯ve gotten me out of there. I would¡¯ve done anything for her, I would¡¯ve made it happen against all odds. She wouldn¡¯t have gotten married.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how much he can do,¡± says Ava slowly, ¡°but we can keep asking Haywood. Maybe he has people who could figure out more than I could.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t wanna talk about it right now,¡± I murmur. I¡¯m suddenly exhausted, drained of all energy, and I want nothing more than to be in Ava¡¯s bed again, under the heavy red comforter with Nua on the other side and with space between us.


    ¡°Okay,¡± Ava says simply, running her hand through her hair, and I watch her. Her fingers are shaking, and I ask, ¡°How long has it been since you¡¯ve smoked?¡±


    She just laughs, looking at her trembling hand, and sighs. ¡°It¡¯s fine, now, I don¡¯t miss it that much.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t miss it either,¡± I mutter, and she laughs again, adjusting herself on her feet. ¡°Why do you think I used to smoke, Aber?¡±


    I blink. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


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    ¡°Yeah, you do.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I dunno. You were dying anyway.¡±


    She smiles slightly, and then presses her lips together. ¡°Yeah, I was.¡±


    ¡°You seemed to like it anyway.¡±


    She laughs a little, and shakes her head. ¡°I think smoking is a dirty and disgusting habit and whoever does it proves that they don¡¯t care about themself or the people around them.¡±


    I look at her.


    ¡°And that¡¯s what you thought about me, wasn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Not anymore,¡± I say quietly. ¡°But you¡­¡±


    ¡°Say it.¡±


    ¡°You were always bitter,¡± I say. ¡°And rude.¡±


    She laughs again. ¡°Why do you think I was?¡±


    I shrug, and she sighs. ¡°That¡¯s what you thought about me then,¡± she says quietly. ¡°What about now?¡±


    ¡°I think you¡¯re sad,¡± I say after a moment. ¡°And I think you¡¯re frightened.¡±


    ¡°Of what?¡± she asks, her voice soft.


    ¡°What else?¡± I say, reaching out for her hand. She takes it, and I run my thumb over the ring with the diamonds. ¡°Your mother.¡±


    She scoffs, but doesn¡¯t deny it.


    ¡°And us,¡± I continue. ¡°Well, for us. Everything we¡¯ve done, what will they do if they find us?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll protect you,¡± she says, squeezing my fingers, and I manage a smile. ¡°I know. You say that. And whether you believe it or not, we¡¯ll protect you, too.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± she says quietly. ¡°I believe it.¡±


    I nod, and she says, ¡°I just want you to be happy.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± I whisper.


    ¡°And I took that away from you, a little bit,¡± she says softly, and I shake my head, but she nods. ¡°Not on purpose, and I didn¡¯t have a choice, but I did. And now I have to help you, and I will. We¡¯ll figure it out, we¡¯ll figure everything out, I promise. We¡¯ll get your parents back and we¡¯ll all be safe.¡±


    ¡°I love you,¡± I whisper, and she laughs, even as tears fill her eyes. I smile again despite myself. ¡°I do, you said it before, and I didn¡¯t know, but I do, I do, I love you.¡±


    She smiles, and I smile too, and she lifts my hand and presses it to her lips. ¡°We¡¯ll be okay.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I whisper, rubbing my fingers over hers. I touch Keol¡¯s ring; even wearing it on her thumb it¡¯s slightly too big, and she fiddles with it all the time. ¡°When did you get it? He was still wearing it when¡­and they took him away before you saw him again.¡±


    She sighs, looking at it too, and then gently pulls her hand out of mine and slides it off, holding it in her palm. ¡°Bayan gave it to me. So I¡¯d trust him, know he wasn¡¯t on my mother¡¯s side.¡±


    I furrow my eyebrows. ¡°He wouldn¡¯t be.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she agrees, ¡°but he wanted to make sure I was sure.¡±


    I nod. ¡°He¡¯s a good man.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s been with us¡­forever,¡± she says quietly, tears glistening in her eyes again as she looks up at me. ¡°We were six or seven, I think, he helped my mother raise us, but he never should¡¯ve. He knew Penny and¡­he knew Owen, too.¡±


    ¡°Where¡¯s his?¡±


    ¡°Whose what?¡± she asks, and I laugh slightly. ¡°Owen¡¯s ring.¡±


    Her fist clenches around Keol¡¯s suddenly, as if she¡¯s afraid I was about to lunge forward and take it. ¡°She has it.¡±


    I can guess by her tone who Ava is talking about. She closes her eyes, then says, ¡°She took it off his body when we found him. It¡¯s probably still at home.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I murmur.


    She just sighs again, and shakes her head. ¡°Not your fault.¡±


    ¡°I think he waited for you,¡± I say softly, and she looks up at me, furrowing her eyebrows. ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Keol,¡± I murmur, and her face changes. I don¡¯t know what she¡¯s thinking, but I just rest my chin on my knees. ¡°You were gone all that day.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± she whispers, pressing her lips together, and I shake my head. ¡°No, it¡¯s not a bad thing, it¡¯s not your fault, you didn¡¯t know. But we were with him, me and Nua and Bayan. And it wasn¡¯t until you came home, and you kissed him on the forehead¡­¡±


    Ava¡¯s cheeks are wet, and I feel bad. I shouldn¡¯t have brought it up, of course she feels horrible that she was gone all day the day that he died, in the city for a meeting, she should have been there for his last hours. But I think it was for the best, to be honest. He was tired, and she probably would have realized he was about to die, and it would¡¯ve been so much harder to see him awake, alive, before he slipped away. Instead he died in his sleep, just like we thought she did. But even so, he slept for a while before she came home, yet it wasn¡¯t until after she had kissed him one last time that he took his last breath. ¡°He wouldn¡¯t have gone without you there.¡±


    Ava takes a deep, shuddering breath, and I feel her fingers squeeze around mine, tight. ¡°I should¡¯ve.¡±


    ¡°There was nothing,¡± I murmur, but she shakes her head, stopping me. ¡°No, I should¡¯ve, I should have told him.¡±


    She loved him. Everyone knew it, but she never said it.


    ¡°We only said it once,¡± she whispers. ¡°We both knew it, but we only said it once. After I slept with you.¡±


    I wince, and she laughs a little even through her tears. ¡°He wasn¡¯t mad at you,¡± she says quietly. ¡°He liked you, actually. We could¡¯ve¡­¡±


    My heart clenches. I wish we did, but we never had the time. But now Ava just shakes her head, and then leans her head back. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna talk about this, either.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say softly, feeling a tear trickle down my own cheek. I wipe my face, and then lean over and pick up the book of fairy tales. She watches, a slight smile on her lips, and after a moment says, ¡°Find Ali Baba.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know that one,¡± I say, and she smiles, leaning over to me and looking at the page. ¡°It¡¯s Penny¡¯s favorite.¡±


    ¡°Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves,¡± I read, and she puts her chin on her hand, looking up at me. Then she glances at the page again and then back to me, and I smile. ¡°Okay, okay.¡±

 chapter 19

    Nua joins us sometime in the night, or whenever it is we fall asleep. And for the next few days, or whenever it is in the time in between our sleeps, Ava and I sit in the tent, and I read Ali Baba and other fairy tales to her. She refuses to read them herself, even after both Nua and I offer to help her practice. She still knows, I think, somewhere in her mind. It just got scrambled up when they woke her up again, however that happened. But she doesn¡¯t want to. She just closes her eyes, listening, twisting Keol¡¯s ring around on her thumb, and I wish that her and Keol and I all had more time.


    It¡¯s December now. It isn¡¯t cold underground, but Sloan tells us that the snow is piling up above us. She meets with Shan and with Ava and Bayan, who is sharing a tent with Penny and sits next to him in the fire forum every night. Penny rests his head on his shoulder; his skin and eyes and hair look pale compared to Bayan¡¯s, who likes to run his fingers through Penny¡¯s long blond hair. Ava¡¯s is getting longer, too, longer than I¡¯ve ever seen it, and one day I come across her in the fire forum with a pair of scissors, twisting her lips. She looks over at me, and says, ¡°I wanna cut it.¡±


    I raise my eyebrows, and she fingers the tips of her hair. It¡¯s only an inch or two past her shoulders, but it doesn¡¯t look right. I shrug. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°But if I cut it,¡± she says, ¡°then Marissa¡¯s gonna ask me for a haircut too.¡±


    I laugh a little. ¡°Really?¡±


    She nods, grinning. ¡°She wants to chop all her hair off before she has to give birth. She¡¯s got two or three months left, we think, but I don¡¯t know if I could do it.¡±


    ¡°Cutting her hair?¡±


    ¡°What if I mess up?¡± she asks, looking up at me, and I laugh again. ¡°That¡¯s what you¡¯re worried about right now? Messing up a haircut?¡±


    And she smiles a little too, looking into the fire. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    She opens the scissors, combing her fingers through her hair, and cuts off a piece of a lock, right by her shoulder.


    ¡°Well, there you go,¡± I say, sitting down across from her. ¡°Now you have to do the rest.¡±


    She laughs, and it¡¯s in her eyes, and it¡¯s good to see her smile. I watch as she fingers another lock of hair, and then she says, ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can do this myself.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t do it, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking.¡±


    ¡°Not really,¡± she says, looking through the fire at me. ¡°Now I don¡¯t know what to do.¡±


    I don¡¯t have time to answer, because Penny and Bayan come into the fire forum just them. Penny¡¯s hair is so long, much longer than Ava¡¯s, and he has it tied back with a rubber band. He grins when he sees Ava and her scissors, and says, ¡°Chopping it off?¡±


    ¡°Trying,¡± she says, holding up the chunk that she already cut between two fingers, and Bayan raises his eyebrows.


    ¡°Shan wants to see you,¡± says Penny to me, and I look up at him in slight surprise. ¡°Really?¡±


    And then I notice that his hand is wrapped around Bayan¡¯s, and I almost don¡¯t hear his answer because I¡¯m taken aback by everything that¡¯s happening. Penny doesn¡¯t have a wedding ring still, like Nua and Ava and I do, and I don¡¯t think Bayan has ever had one. Penny is oblivious to me being distracted, though, and just says, ¡°Yeah, they¡¯re in the room with the table and the maps, by the pantry.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say after a moment, and rise to my feet. Ava cuts off another lock of her hair, and Bayan sits down next to her and gently takes the scissors from her. I hear Penny start to say something as I leave, but I don¡¯t hear it, and I remember the first day I got to Ava¡¯s house, when Bayan pulled out my eyebrows and combed my hair. God, he does everything for us, doesn¡¯t he, and he never says a word.


    ¡°Aberworth Ahman,¡± says Haywood when I hit my fingers against the wall of the map house, kind of by accident. It¡¯s him and Alis, Sigrid and Nova, the four leaders of the underground Tent City. Nova gestures me in, and says, ¡°Sit.¡±


    So I do. There are papers on the table, and a few manilla folders like the ones that Ava and Bayan gave me and Penny, with information about Abigala and their father. Alis is murmuring something to Haywood, who looks at me, and after Alis finishes he smiles a little. ¡°You look terrified.¡±


    ¡°I am terrified,¡± I say, and Sigrid laughs. ¡°Of us?¡±


    ¡°A little.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be,¡± says Nova with a soft smile. ¡°We just wanted to talk to you, figure out exactly what we know about your family.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say slowly, and Sigrid pulls a chair too, falling into it. ¡°Your sister is Abigala Ahman, who we know. We¡¯ve heard of her, just because we¡¯ve been keeping track on your mother-in-law, so when she got a new assistant, whoever it was told us that, and we shelved it.¡±


    ¡°We didn¡¯t think it would be important,¡± says Haywood quietly. ¡°But it turns out that it is.¡±


    ¡°But I don¡¯t get it,¡± I say. ¡°Why, how could she just get a job with Miss Lilly, it¡¯s only been, like, six months.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Sigrid with a sigh, running her hands through her hair. ¡°That, we don¡¯t know. There¡¯s something going on there, probably. I don¡¯t know if we can figure it all out from down here.¡±


    I glance at Haywood, still over by the table, and he shrugs. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say softly, and then swallow. ¡°What about her husbands?¡±


    ¡°She has four husbands,¡± says Haywood slowly, when no one else answers. ¡°That, that¡¯s all public records.¡±


    ¡°Ava showed me,¡± I say quietly. ¡°She has two children.¡±


    ¡°Six,¡± corrects Alis, and I look at him, my jaw dropping. ¡°What?¡±


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    ¡°Six,¡± confirms Haywood, looking down at a paper in front of him. ¡°Now.¡±


    And I stand, and go to him, and he spins it to me. It¡¯s been what, six months since our parents got taken, since I married Ava, and apparently since Abigala married, too. And in all that time, Ava has not gotten pregnant, Ava tried for over a year and a half with Keol and she even tried with me and yet eighteen times she had to go to her mother and tell her that she was not pregnant, and risk me and Keol and Nua. But in just six months Abigala has gotten married and gotten pregnant six times. There are six embryos under the name Ahman in a lab somewhere. None under LeGatte.


    I look up from the paper, feeling a strange calm settle in my belly. I knew this. Since the day that Ava told me that Abigala had gotten married, I knew this somehow. Since a little while ago, when I found out that Abigala was working with Miss Lilly for some reason, I knew this somehow. I look at Sigrid, she¡¯s the first person I make eye contact with when I look up, and I ask, ¡°Why?¡±


    Sigrid just glances at Nova, rubbing her lips together, and shrugs.


    ¡°What about my parents?¡±


    ¡°Addis and Ane Ahman,¡± says Haywood, and I look at him again, feeling my heart jump. ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s my dad and mom.¡±


    ¡°Pretty much nothing,¡± says Sigrid, and my face falls. Nova looks at her disapprovingly, and her eyes are soft when she looks back to me. She says, ¡°It¡¯s hard. There¡¯s so much secrecy about things like agencies and shelters, especially if your mother-in-law has something to do with it. She probably personally buried all the information that could link people she sees as criminals to her daughter.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you exactly what we have,¡± says Haywood quietly, coming to sit by me in a chair nearby. He leans his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together, and the light glints off of the ring on his left hand. I look at Alis¡¯ hand, he has the matching one. Nova¡¯s the only one without a ring here, because she gave hers to Sigrid. ¡°There¡¯s a report from about six months ago, in the Agencies Department files, that mention your parents. But we can¡¯t see the full report without official government access, so we only really know that your parents¡¯ names are mentioned in the report.¡±


    ¡°Could Abigala look at it?¡± I ask, and Haywood nods. ¡°She could, yes. I don¡¯t know if she has, but she could, because she has access to pretty much all the agency files as Lilly LeGatte¡¯s assistant. And in order to work in the government, you have to have all your records public. So that¡¯s how we know about her husbands, and about the six children she¡¯s registered. All of that came from people who Alicia and Sloan and my other information people know, on the surface, who are able to look into these things.¡±


    ¡°And you¡¯ve been keeping track of Miss Lilly for a while now,¡± I say softly, and Sigrid smiles slightly, and nods. ¡°Yes. The person who held her position before her, and then her, when she got it. The whole agencies department, really. And also her daughter. But to be honest we didn¡¯t even know she had a son until he showed up here, with Sloan.¡±


    ¡°Why me?¡± I murmur, and Nova leans forward, not having heard. ¡°What?¡±


    I just shake my head, and Haywood says, ¡°So you probably want to know what we¡¯re gonna do now, that we know.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say, looking up at him, and Alis comes to sit next to him, putting his hand on his shoulder. ¡°We¡¯re not entirely sure yet.¡±


    I just look at him, and Sigrid smiles a little. ¡°We¡¯re trying to find your parents. So there¡¯s that.¡±


    Haywood nods. ¡°They were arrested, Aber, which means that they¡¯re being held somewhere, and that there¡¯s going to be a trial sometime, and then someone is going to make a permanent decision about what to do with them. But for cases like these, if someone wants to, they can keep it all private, covered up, behind the scenes of the process, so the public doesn¡¯t really know what¡¯s happening. And your mother-in-law has most likely been doing so for your parents.¡±


    ¡°We think,¡± says Alis, taking his hand back, and then he pauses, looking at Nova. But she nods, and he looks back to me. ¡°We think she might be doing it for Abigala¡¯s sake.¡±


    ¡°Abigala¡¯s?¡±


    ¡°And yours,¡± says Nova with a slight smile. ¡°To keep you in the dark. But it¡¯s likely that your sister doesn¡¯t really know what happened to your parents. Just, maybe, that Lilly¡¯s taking care of it. And maybe she thinks that Lilly¡¯s trying to help.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not,¡± I say.


    ¡°We know,¡± says Nova, nodding. ¡°We¡¯re just trying to figure out what Abigala¡¯s role in all of this is, too.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what we wanted to tell you,¡± says Haywood, and I look back at him. ¡°We just wanted to let you know. We¡¯re looking into your parents, and to Abigala. We¡¯re gonna make sure they¡¯re all safe, and then we¡¯re gonna see how we can help them. Sloan¡¯s gonna work with us, and some of my other people, and we¡¯ll keep you updated.¡±


    I take a deep breath, leaning my head back, and then I nod. ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    Yeah. So they let me go, and I go back down the western track towards the tent, looking for Nua and Ava. They¡¯re both inside, and look up when I come in. Ava watches me sit down and says, ¡°What did they want?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re looking into my parents,¡± I say quietly, ¡°and they think that Miss Lilly is hiding the process from the public, from me, and from Abigala.¡±


    Nua raises his eyebrows. ¡°Why Abigala?¡±


    ¡°Maybe she doesn¡¯t know,¡± I whisper. ¡°Maybe she doesn¡¯t know how bad it all is.¡±


    Ava and Nua glance at each other, I don¡¯t miss it, and Ava rubs her lips together. ¡°Maybe.¡±


    She lies back with a sigh, her sweater falling off her shoulder a little bit, and I can see the tops of the cuts on her chest with the thread in her skin. I think she had a bandage before, Bayan must have taken it off, and Nua reaches over and touches it gently. She lets him, but when his nail pulls on the thread she winces a little. He pulls away, then runs his finger over her ribs, tracing the rectangle showing through her clothes. ¡°What was it like?¡±


    ¡°What was what like?¡± she asks, and he shrugs, leaning down to rest on his elbow looking down at her. Then he glances at me; neither of us are sure how to ask the question that has been pressing on our minds for a while. ¡°Being dead.¡±


    Surprisingly, she laughs slightly, then thinks for a moment before saying, ¡°I don¡¯t remember.¡±


    ¡°Really,¡± says Nua, and she nods. I lie down next to her too, on the other side, and she takes one of my hands and rests her other on Nua¡¯s. ¡°I remember before and after, but not¡­during.¡±


    ¡°So what do you know?¡± asks Nua quietly. Shadows move over us as people wander by outside the tent. Ava sighs. ¡°I remember¡­¡±


    She pauses, then nods. ¡°I remember being angry. Because Keol died. And then I remember you coming in to see me, and then I started feeling worse.¡±


    ¡°You got sick,¡± he murmurs. ¡°You were sick, but in just those few days¡­you got worse, worse than you had ever been, and faster.¡±


    She nods slightly. ¡°And I remember falling asleep next to you.¡±


    The hand that¡¯s on Nua¡¯s raises to gently stroke my cheek, and then goes back down to him. ¡°And then I remember waking up.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s it?¡± asks Nua, and she laughs slightly. ¡°Dying didn¡¯t hurt. You said I died in my sleep.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Waking up did.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I ask, and she grins a little, nodding, and then exhales. Her breath still smells faintly like smoke, or maybe I¡¯m just imagining it. ¡°It was like¡­ice bath and burned alive, but at the same time. I think they shocked me awake, to get his heart going again. I was hooked up to some machine that kept my pulse and my blood pressure and things like that so I couldn¡¯t really move.¡±


    She still thinks of it as Keol¡¯s heart, not her own. The ache for the husband she lost is mixed with the beats of his own body inside of her.


    ¡°And, you know, they had cut me open to take stuff out and put stuff in, and so that hurt for a really long time and right after I woke up they knocked me out again so I could just sleep, and my brain hurt, inside my head. The next time I woke up Bayan was rubbing ice over the stitches.¡±


    ¡°Bayan,¡± says Nua in surprise, and she grins a little. ¡°Yes, since he¡¯s been with us so long they let him when he insisted on being able to take care of me at least a few times a day. That¡¯s how I talked to him.¡±


    ¡°He helped you escape,¡± I say quietly, and she closes her eyes, smiling slightly. ¡°Yes. I¡¯m glad we got him out of there, too.¡±


    ¡°He wanted to help you,¡± says Nua softly, his eyes blinking sleepily, and I smile at Ava before she closes her eyes, too. ¡°Yes. And he missed Penny, I¡¯m glad he gets to see him, too.¡±


    ¡°I think they¡¯re sharing a tent,¡± I murmur, letting my eyelids close too, and I hear Ava laugh softly. Her hand squeezes mine, and soft footsteps pass by outside once again. But then they¡¯re gone, and in the darkness I can almost imagine that we¡¯re home again, in her bed, just the three of us, and the cat down by our feet. Bayan will wake us up the next morning with yogurt and blueberries, because that seems to be the only thing Ava used to eat in the morning. But then she sighs, and I open my eyes to look at her, and I see light only coming from a lantern in the corner, and the ground next to us as we lie on a mat in the dirt. But Ava¡¯s still here, and Nua. Keol should be here, that¡¯s the only problem, and I know that Ava knows it too. But his heart beats inside of her, and his ring is around her finger, and Ava is still here. That is all he wanted, wasn¡¯t it, that she could lie here, filling her lungs without pain in every breath. He would think it¡¯s worth it, but Ava does not, I don¡¯t think. Even for Nua and I, even for Bayan or Penny, she did not want to live without Keol.


    Nevertheless, here she is.

 chapter 20

    And here we are. Underground. The new year passes, and we get brownies wrapped in plastic to celebrate. Nothing changes. Marissa¡¯s stomach is growing, she¡¯s so big, it¡¯s kind of fascinating. I see Nerev more than I see her, because she stays in her tent all day. Her feet hurt, her ankles are swelling, her back aches, Nerev tells me. Everything inside and out of her is growing and stretching and she¡¯s the first woman to have done this in years, or at least one of the only ones, at least around here. She¡¯s doing it for Nerev, she tells him. For herself and for Nerev, and for their family.


    I try to ask Haywood about my family, but he does not answer. Well, he does, but all he tells me is that there is nothing to report. And I don¡¯t know if I trust him, especially because Ava goes to talk to him quite often, and Ava has a habit of not telling me things. But she promises that she¡¯s only talking to Haywood about her mother, and I can¡¯t help but believe her.


    One day while she¡¯s out meeting with the whole Shan team I find Bayan in the fire forum, alone. I had just passed by our tent and Nua was not there, so I was expecting to find him here, but he is not. Bayan looks up at me when I come in, and I say, ¡°Where is everyone?¡±


    He smiles a little. ¡°Miss Ava is with Shan, and Master Nua and Penny went to take a walk.¡±


    ¡°Where?¡±


    ¡°Down the track, I suppose.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I say, sitting down by the fire. Bayan looks at it again, and I look at him. He still manages to find and wear exclusively dark clothes, even down here. His sweater is a little too big for him, and the sleeves cover his hands, but the bruises on his face are all healed by now; there¡¯s nothing but a little scar above his eyebrow, and it¡¯s so small that I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s been there the whole time I¡¯ve known him. I only notice it now because the firelight glances off of it weird. ¡°Can I ask you about Miss Lilly?¡±


    I don¡¯t know why that comes out, and Bayan looks surprised too, but he nods. ¡°What about her?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it a little weird?¡± I ask after a moment. ¡°How much she was involved with Ava¡¯s, Ava¡¯s entire life.¡±


    ¡°Miss Ava is still very young, Master Aber,¡± says Bayan, sounding slightly amused, and I nod, not sure of how to phrase this. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what I mean. Marissa is twenty-nine.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± says Bayan, understanding. He doesn¡¯t seem uncomfortable, and he just looks into the fire again, thinking for a moment, and then sighs. ¡°For as long as Miss Ava has been old enough, Miss Lilly has always singled her out between the twins. Miss Ava is the one that Lilly wants.¡±


    I have noticed that Bayan does not call Penny Master like he does me and Nua and he used to with Keol, and now that I know they share a tent it makes sense. But he has always, consistently and without fail, called both Ava and Lilly Miss. And it surprises me, now, to hear him drop it in reference to my mother-in-law. Nua and Keol just said Lilly, I suppose because they had been there longer and had more time to get used to it and hated her more. But Bayan? Well, he has more of a reason to hate her than anyone else, I suppose.


    ¡°And she needs to control her,¡± Bayan continues. ¡°In order to¡­to get everything settled. Lilly has a plan for her life, and for Miss Ava¡¯s life, and for how life is going to continue after everyone here now is dead. Of course, Miss Ava has never taken kindly to plans.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say with a slight smile.


    ¡°Part of that plan,¡± says Bayan quietly, ¡°was to get Miss Ava anchored down. To stay in that house with her, forever. You, her boys, you were a pretty good trick. But obviously it wasn¡¯t enough.¡±


    I smile a little. Ava ran away from us, but she sent back for us and brought us to her; Miss Lilly probably never anticipated that.


    ¡°But if she had a baby,¡± says Bayan quietly. He pauses, and then says, ¡°If she had Master Keol¡¯s baby.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur. ¡°Or Owen¡¯s.¡±


    Bayan smiles sadly, nodding. ¡°Yes. And, you know, everything that Lilly does, professionally, has to do with boys, and husbands, and babies, and saving the human race. She needs to set an example. Miss Ava was supposed to be a shining model for all the women in the world, and it seemed like it was working when she got married, that was half of it, but then she never got pregnant.¡±


    ¡°Why doesn¡¯t Miss Lilly just have more kids, if she¡¯s so obsessed with it?¡± I mutter, and Bayan smiles slightly. ¡°She¡¯s too old.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not old,¡± I say, and then look at him. ¡°Wait, what?¡±


    And he smiles a little again, and says, ¡°Women can¡¯t have children their whole lives either, Master Aber, and it¡¯s always been like that. Back when they got pregnant for nine months and children were actually born, like Miss Marissa¡¯s doing it¡­it¡¯s hard for their bodies, I suppose, so nature makes women go sterile, too.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I say quietly. ¡°I didn¡¯t know that.¡±


    He shrugs. ¡°It used to be, before men stopped having children around age twenty-five, it used to be that men could have children their entire lives. So it was even that the opposite of what¡¯s happening now happened then. Not to such the same extent, but¡­a lot of women had older husbands, because it was on them, not the men.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I say, fascinated. Bayan nods, looking away. ¡°So it used to be women up until their forties or so, and men their whole lives. So the pool was relatively big. Once it switched, for some reason, we still don¡¯t know why, to women to their forties but men only until age twenty-five, the window of opportunity closed almost all the way.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur, my mind racing. My mother is about seven years older than my father, I think. She¡¯s always taken care of him, though, she¡¯s always taken care of all of us. I think of the folder that Bayan brought to Penny and Ava when he got here, about their father, Aiden LeGatte, who died under mysterious circumstances when they were around six years old. I wonder how old he was when Ava and Penny were born. I open my mouth again to ask, but Bayan is just staring off into the distance, something in his eyes I can¡¯t quite make out. I ask, ¡°How old were you when you came to Ava, Bayan?¡±


    ¡°Eleven,¡± he answers softly, not looking at me. ¡°Miss Ava and Penny were six years old, and Master Owen was eight.¡±


    Which means Bayan is five years older than the twins, and Ava and Penny are twenty, now. ¡°How old are you now?¡±


    And he smiles, knowing what I¡¯m thinking, but his eyes are sad. ¡°Twenty-five.¡±


    ¡°Has Miss Lilly ever hurt you, Bayan?¡± I ask quietly, and Bayan sighs, still not looking at me, and says, ¡°Yes, Master Aber.¡±


    I knew that, I know the answer is yes, because I¡¯ve seen the bruises and the cuts on his face, his arms, his throat. I know that Miss Lilly screams at him and hits him and pushes him around, and all of that on top of keeping him locked in her beach prison for a decade and a half and forcing him to keep house for her. I know that she¡¯s hurt him. But I have never seen his body under the dark blue clothes that he wears all the time, even down here. He might have scars like Ava does, but not ones from doctors. He might have scars that he carries inside of him instead of on his skin. And no one has ever or probably will ever see them, except for maybe Penny. ¡°Did she hurt Owen?¡±


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    ¡°I think so,¡± he answers after a moment. ¡°In the months after Miss Ava married him, something happened. Miss Lilly wanted him gone, and he stopped talking. Miss Ava didn¡¯t know what to do, but I don¡¯t know if there was much she could do. I don¡¯t think she ever imagined that Miss Lilly would¡­¡±


    ¡°Rape him,¡± I finish quietly, and Bayan closes his eyes. I feel bad. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± he says softly, shaking his head. ¡°I¡­when he took his life, and it was just her and Master Keol, and she started smoking, I thought I had lost her.¡±


    He opens his eyes and looks at me, and I smile slightly. ¡°You didn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Are you mad at me?¡± Ava asks Penny, as they make their way back towards their tents.


    ¡°No,¡± answers Penny after a moment, not looking at her. ¡°They made their choice. That¡¯s more than I asked for.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s less, and you know it,¡± she murmurs, and Penny half-laughs, half-sighs. They stop in front of her tent, looking at each other. Then she opens the flap, and they go inside, and sit down.


    ¡°No,¡± Bayan agrees with me, smiling too, but then it falters. ¡°But now, it¡¯s messy, it¡¯s hard for her. It¡¯s hard for all of us.¡±


    ¡°Yes, but I know it¡¯s hard for her, specifically,¡± I say softly. ¡°Not that it¡¯s more or less bad for her than anyone else, but her mother, Miss Lilly did things to her mind.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, though,¡± says Ava softly, and Penny laughs a little, shaking his head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he responds. ¡°I put impossible pressure on you.¡±


    ¡°I could¡¯ve¡­¡± she starts, but trails off when he shakes his head. ¡°Don¡¯t. I made it seem like you had any more of a choice than I did.¡±


    ¡°I did what I could,¡± she whispers, Penny smiles. ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°I only wanted to protect him,¡± she murmurs. Her voice is soft, and Penny twists his fingers together, but smiles. He knows who she is talking about. ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Bayan softly. ¡°And she did it on purpose, because she wanted to keep Miss Ava in line. Losing her twin¡­¡± He trails off, then swallows. ¡°Miss Ava has faced a lot of loss in her life, Master Aber. Two husbands and a sibling wouldn¡¯t be easy for anyone. But Penny was the first to go, and the deepest connection she had. I can assume you understand.¡±


    I nod, although there¡¯s a twisting in my stomach. I feel as though I hardly know Abigala anymore.


    ¡°I know you loved him,¡± Ava says quietly. The long silence that Penny lets dangle afterwards speaks louder than her whisper. And then he smiles again, sadly. ¡°So did you.


    ¡°And he loved you,¡± he adds after a moment. ¡°Both of us.¡±


    ¡°First it was herself, though,¡± continues Bayan. ¡°Her own body was betraying her, and I thought that Penny was keeping her alive, energetic, happy. With him, and with Owen, she had someone to live for. But Miss Lilly gave her brother away, without her knowledge, and that ripped something out of her. She was different after that.¡±


    ¡°Without her knowledge?¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly sadly, and nods. ¡°Neither of them knew what was happening until too late. Penny was gone.¡±


    And then Bayan stands, and takes a deep breath, and I stand too. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± he says, shaking his head. ¡°I just. Come with me, Master Aber, they should be back by now.¡±


    And so we go out of the fire forum and back down the western track towards Shan. As we approach our two tents, pitched next to each other, I can see a soft glow coming from ours, and Bayan sits down in front of his next door.


    ¡°And she married Master Owen,¡± he continues quietly, ¡°against her mother¡¯s will.¡±


    I sit down next to him.


    ¡°The compromise was Lilly¡¯s choice in Master Keol, so he¡¯s forever¡­tied to the memory of Master Owen, and by extension Penny because the three grew up together. They intertwine in her mind, and the only way to separate them, it seemed, was as they disappeared.¡±


    ¡°At least¡­¡± I can¡¯t finish my thought, but Bayan guesses it and smiles again. ¡°At least she has Penny back. That¡¯s one wound closing.¡±


    ¡°She seems different now,¡± I murmur, and Bayan surprisingly laughs. ¡°Well, she did die and get revived. Ought to change a person. But when I see her now, Master Aber, she reminds me of herself before any of this started.¡±


    ¡°Before¡­¡±


    ¡°She was sick,¡± he says quietly, ¡°or she was married, or she was separated from her twin, her friend, and her lover.¡±


    I look at the wall of the tent that separates us from Ava, and Bayan follows my eyes. ¡°She married Master Owen,¡± he says quietly, ¡°to save him from a worse fate. She blames herself for his death, for letting Penny go, for Master Keol, as well.¡±


    ¡°Why is she sick,¡± I ask, ¡°and not Penny?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± he murmurs. ¡°And it¡¯s strange. If it were environmental you¡¯d assume all of us would be ill, genetic you¡¯d assume it would affect Penny as well. But it¡¯s just her. Just a sickness in her lungs, that no one could predict or help.¡±


    ¡°You seem to care for her,¡± I say quietly, and he glances at him, smiling slightly. ¡°I knew their mother was an evil woman before they did, considering the fact she thought she could simply buy me and make me work for her. I¡¯ve tried to protect them from her for years. Miss Ava¡¯s by far not the same person she was as a child, but¡­getting back to Penny helped.¡±


    I agree silently. I know she laughed with Keol and enjoyed spending time with him, with all of us. Her time at the beach house wasn¡¯t exactly miserable, but there was always something off. Something missing. And now, even though Owen and Keol are both gone, she has Penny back, her other half, her blood and beating heart. And that¡¯s made more of a difference than anything else.


    Ava looks up, smiling slightly at her twin, then says, ¡°Now go away. Aber¡¯s right next door and he likes to eavesdrop.¡±


    I feel my stomach drop, but Penny just laughs, kisses her on the forehead, and says, ¡°Sleep well, duckling.¡± He slips out of the tent. I glance at Bayan, and he smiles slightly and jerks his head towards her tent.


    She¡¯s lying on her back, and looks up at me when I let the tent close behind me. ¡°Where¡¯s Nua?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t seem mad. She¡¯s never mad with me. ¡°With Shan. He and Penny came to find us, he stayed. Who were you talking to?¡±


    ¡°Who else shares Penny¡¯s tent?¡±


    Ava smiles, watching me lie down next to her, and I move so I¡¯m on my side looking at her. ¡°Why does he call you duckling?¡±


    She laughs, looking up at the ceiling of the tent again, and then sighs. ¡°There¡¯s a kid¡¯s story that I always hated.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡±


    ¡°Mm,¡± she says again, thinking for a moment, and then sighs. ¡°So this duckling, when he was born he was all brown and ugly compared to all his brothers and sisters. So all the other ducklings were mean to him because he was different, and everyone he met thought he was just a really ugly duckling.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m interested.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± she continues, ¡°when he grows up, it turns out that he isn¡¯t a duckling at all. He was a swan-ling.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t think that¡¯s the correct term.¡±


    ¡°Do you know what a swan is?¡±


    ¡°Those big white birds.¡±


    ¡°The ugly duckling actually grew up to be a beautiful swan, prettier than all the duck bullies. And they were all jealous of him the next time they saw him.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s a moral to this, isn¡¯t there.¡±


    ¡°Technically.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t judge on outward appearances. So why do you hate this story?¡±


    She laughs, rolling onto her side. ¡°The moral is supposed to be ¡®don¡¯t judge on outward appearances, because who you are on the inside is more important.¡¯ The duckling was never a duckling, see, he was always a swan. So does that make him better than the ducks?¡±


    ¡°The ducks were bullies. They deserved to feel bad.¡±


    She laughs again. ¡°Okay, but the point of the story was that appearances don¡¯t matter, but it¡¯s not as if the ducks finally accepted him because of who he was on the inside. The only reason they all liked him at the end was because he wasn¡¯t ugly anymore.¡±


    I consider that for a moment. She continues. ¡°The moral basically is, ¡®It doesn¡¯t matter what you are now, it matters what you¡¯ll be.¡¯¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡±


    ¡°And all I thought I¡¯d ever be,¡± she finishes, ¡°was a wife. And I didn¡¯t want to be a wife. So I hated that story, because it said that that¡¯s all that would matter. The only reason Mother kept Penny when she found out he was male was because she knew he was going to be a husband one day. And I hate expectations, Aber, I hate predictions, I hate unchangeable destinies. So he calls me duckling because I wanted to stay ugly forever, a duck and never a swan.¡±


    I laugh, not sure of how to respond. She smiles at me, but there¡¯s something in her eyes. ¡°I did make him a promise, though.¡±


    ¡°But we chose to stay,¡± I remind her gently, and she looks at me, nodding. ¡°I know, I know.¡±


    I laugh slightly. ¡°So don¡¯t feel guilty.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t respond to this. She looks up at the ceiling of the tent, and then after a moment she opens her arm. I put my head on her shoulder, once again tracing my finger down the cut on her chest, and she lets me. Her hand rubs my shoulder, and she whispers, ¡°I can¡¯t not feel guilty.¡±


    I don¡¯t know what to say. Because I know she blames herself for Owen, and for Keol, and for Penny getting sent away, and for Bayan getting hurt, and for leaving us even though we found her again, and for hurting me, when she put me in the little room in the foyer with the locks. But for most of those things there was nothing she could¡¯ve done about it. Finally I say softly, ¡°That¡¯s what she wants you to feel.¡±


    And Miss Ava looks down at me, and I look up at her, and she sighs, closing her eyes. ¡°I know.¡±

 chapter 21

    ¡°We have new people,¡± announces Sloan one morning, as January fades away, and Ava looks up at her in surprise. ¡°What?¡±


    She¡¯s got a cup of coffee in her hands, holding it close to her face so she can feel the warmth, and she looks cute. But we both look over at Sloan when she says it, and she smiles. ¡°Alicia found some kids, hiding out in an abandoned warehouse. They¡¯re pretty young. We¡¯re gonna put them in a tent near yours.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± says Ava, taking a sip of her coffee, and then I say, ¡°Jimmy.¡±


    Alicia has come to the western fire forum, and a boy peeks over her shoulder. His eyes widen when he sees me, and Ava looks at me, and Sloan looks at me, and Nua looks at me, and Jimmy looks at me. I stand and I go to him, and he hugs me tight.


    ¡°Are you alright?¡± I murmur, and he nods, putting his head on my shoulder. ¡°You know him?¡± asks Alicia, and I nod. ¡°He was at my shelter.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± says Ava quietly, and I look at her. She raises her eyebrows, and looks to Jimmy, and I see that he¡¯s staring at her.


    ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± I say quietly, realizing. He remembers her from the shelter, when Miss Lilly took us away, when Ava came in afterwards to look at us, and then she chose me. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s get you set up.¡±


    And so Sloan and I put Jimmy in a tent. There¡¯s another kid, too, but I don¡¯t know him, he went to go see Alis for a nasty cut on his leg. Jimmy is only fifteen. He came to us when he was fourteen, and threw his wedding ring away as soon as he could. And now I have one on my finger, that I don¡¯t want to take off.


    I explain it to him, as we walk to his tent. I explain to him Ava. I tell him it¡¯ll be all right. Everything will be alright, now that we¡¯re here. I wonder where everyone else from the shelter went. It¡¯s surprising he¡¯s the first person I¡¯ve found, now that I think about it. But we are pretty far away from home, they might have found another safe place. Jimmy tells me that Miss Lilly put him and the rest of the underage boys in an agency after Ava didn¡¯t pick them. He and the other boy, whose name is Sina, managed to get out. They hid in the warehouse for a while, and it¡¯s a place where Alicia and Sigrid¡¯s other women often goes to try and find work. They hid from her the first few times she came, but eventually they figured it out, and asked for help.


    Sina comes into Jimmy¡¯s tent as he tells me the story, and sits on the mat, holding his new lantern in his lap. He¡¯s older than Jimmy, probably around my age. He stares at my hand the whole time Jimmy talks, resting on my knee, and when I look over to him to ask if he¡¯s hungry, he says, ¡°Why are you still wearing it?¡±


    ¡°You married that woman,¡± says Jimmy quietly, reaching out to touch my hand. ¡°The one who raided your home.¡±


    ¡°Her mother raided my home,¡± I correct him gently. ¡°She, she¡¯s not, she¡¯s not bad. She came here, to be with her brother, and she sent back for us. She¡¯s been helping us.¡±


    Sina does not look like he believes me, but I ask him again if he¡¯s hungry, and this time he nods.


    I meet Ava and Alis at the supply room, and she looks at me. I collect take-out boxes for the boys, and she says, ¡°Are they alright?¡±


    ¡°He remembers you,¡± I say softly, and she grimaces. I laugh a little. ¡°It¡¯s alright. They¡¯re alright. They ran away from an agency.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± says Ava, looking up at me, and I shrug. ¡°Sina, the older one, he wasn¡¯t one of ours. He met Jimmy there and they ran away. But that means that your mother did put them somewhere, at least, right? She didn¡¯t give them back to their wives.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Ava, twisting her lips. ¡°An agency, though.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s worse?¡±


    She looks at me. I think of Keol. We¡¯re quiet for a moment, and then I go to give the food to Jimmy and Sina.


    I stay with them for a little while, to tell them how things work. I tell them to talk to Haywood. A train goes by above us, rattling the tunnel and they both jump, and then Sina yawns. I smile a little. ¡°Get some rest,¡± I say quietly. ¡°You¡¯re safe here. I promise.¡±


    ¡°Are you?¡± Jimmy asks me, and I smile a little, touching my wedding ring. ¡°Yes.¡±


    I leave them alone in their tents, and go back to the supply room. No one¡¯s there anymore, but Ava and Nua and Penny and Bayan are congregated in the map room when I walk by, and Haywood is there, too. I go in. ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± he says with a grin. ¡°I wanted to talk to you, that¡¯s why we¡¯re all here.¡±


    ¡°About what?¡± I ask, and he takes a deep breath, and then says, ¡°Your sister¡¯s living with your mother-in-law.¡±


    Ava¡¯s examining her nails, but she looks up when he says this, and says, ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Abigala¡¯s living in the beach house,¡± says Haywood. ¡°She¡¯s moved in.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± asks Penny, and Haywood shrugs. Penny¡¯s fists clench, and then he loosens them. ¡°Of course.¡±


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± says Nua, and Penny just shakes his head. ¡°Everything¡¯s working out for her, isn¡¯t it, everything¡¯s perfect.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I say incredulously, and Penny just scoffs. Ava says, ¡°Penny.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Penny, shaking his head, not looking at her. ¡°It¡¯s all been perfect for you, too, so just don¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s been perfect for me?¡± says Ava in disbelief, and Penny makes a noise, taking the rubber band out of his long hair and running his fingers through it. ¡°Fine, whatever, but first it was you, and now it¡¯s Abigala, and everything is just going to work out fine for everyone, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± says Haywood, rising to his feet. ¡°Family matter.¡±


    He leaves. No one says anything for a moment; it¡¯s just me and Bayan and Nua, watching Ava and Penny. He has his eyes closed, he¡¯s squeezing them shut, and then he opens them and shakes his head. He rubs his lips together, and says softly, ¡°Abigala Ahman¡¯s going to get everything she¡¯s ever wanted, and our mother¡¯s found someone new to love.¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t about Abigala,¡± says Ava after a moment, looking at her brother. ¡°So what is it, Penny? What do you want me to do, admit that she loved me more? You want me to admit that you had it worse?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Penny, ¡°but I mean, I did.¡±


    ¡°She raped my husbands,¡± says Ava quietly. ¡°She let them die.¡±


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    ¡°Yeah, your husbands,¡± says Penny in disgust, still not looking at her. ¡°Not you. You¡¯re fine. She did it all to your boys. And I was a husband, everything she did to them someone else did to me, and she let it happen, she made it happen.¡±


    ¡°She did it because of me,¡± says Ava, her voice rising. ¡°You think I don¡¯t know that, you think I don¡¯t have to live with that, every single fucking day, and they don¡¯t get to live at all anymore?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, because she would have killed for you!¡± yells Penny, finally whirling around to face her. ¡°She probably has! She just gave me away!¡±


    ¡°Listen, I never asked to get brought back to life with my dead husband¡¯s heart, okay?¡± says Ava, and Penny winces. ¡°Come on, Ava.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she says. ¡°I said no. I never wanted transplants. That¡¯s why she had to wait until I was literally dead before she could step in and next-of-kin it through.¡±


    Penny stares at her, and she shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t be here,¡± she says, her voice quiet now. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be here. It¡¯s not how it¡¯s supposed to be, it¡¯s not how people are supposed to live.¡±


    Penny takes a step towards her, reaching out his hands, but she pulls away. ¡°She doesn¡¯t care about what we want, she doesn¡¯t care about us.¡± She shakes her head again, and tears run down her cheeks. She says, ¡°I,¡± and then, ¡°She,¡± and then finally she whispers, her voice breaking, ¡°I don¡¯t want her to love me.¡±


    She presses the heels of her hands into her eyes, and sobs, shaking her head. ¡°Not if this is how she shows it.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± says Penny softly, gently, putting his hand on her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°She killed him,¡± gasps Ava, burying her face in her hands and sinking into a chair. ¡°You¡¯re right, I¡¯m sorry, Penny, I¡¯m sorry, but you¡¯re right, and I don¡¯t know how, but she killed him, so that he could save me, and I wish it never, I wish we never, I wish I was dead, I¡¯m supposed to be dead.¡±


    And I pull my hand out of Nua¡¯s and go to her, kneeling down in front of her. She lifts up her head and looks at me, and her lower lip quivers. She reaches out and puts her hand on my face, and I take it in my fingers. ¡°He loved you, Ava.¡±


    She shakes her head again, squeezing her eyes shut. ¡°He shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve. He shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve even had the chance, it wasn¡¯t worth it. I should¡¯ve just left him alone.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± I say gently, moving a little closer to her. ¡°He wanted you to be happy.¡±


    She looks at me, her eyes wide and brownish-green and full of tears.


    ¡°He wanted you to get back to Penny.¡±


    And she pulls her hand away, shaking her head, and puts her palm against her chest, over the stitches and Keol¡¯s heart. ¡°Not like this. Neither of us wanted this.¡±


    She stands, and I move out of her way, and she leaves. Penny just watches her go, and after a moment he says softly, ¡°She¡¯s never been angry at you before, has she.¡±


    I look up at him, still down on the ground, and he shakes his head, letting out a shaky breath. ¡°If my wife was yelling like that, even at someone else, I would not get down on my knees in front of her.¡±


    ¡°Ava¡¯s different,¡± I say quietly, and he nods, running his fingers through his hair, and then presses his fists against his head. ¡°Aren¡¯t you just so fucking lucky.¡±


    And he turns, and pushes everything off the table, and it all crashes to the ground, papers and water bottles and lantern parts and tools. Nua winces, and I move away from him in surprise, rising to my feet. Penny seethes for a moment, not looking at us, and says, ¡°Aren¡¯t we all just so lucky?¡±


    I glance at Nua, but he doesn¡¯t seem to know what¡¯s going on either. Is Penny mad at us? He shakes his head, his hair flying around his shoulders, as if he can hear our question and as if he wants to answeer. ¡°You know, Ava¡¯s only alive because the love of her life is dead, and Bayan¡¯s been a slave and a toy for fifteen years, and I¡¯m stuck living like a fucking worm underground because otherwise I¡¯d be abused by my wife every night, and you, you two¡­¡±


    I have never heard Penny talk about his wife before. He was only seventeen when he got married, I remember, and he only spent a few months with her, whoever she is, before running away, but he has never talked about those few months. It¡¯s easy to forget that anything like that had happened to him, he¡¯s always so easy-going and cheerful and ready to take charge. Ava¡¯s the one who¡¯s quiet and angry and always deep in thought, and Penny is usually the complete opposite, but now I see her in him. Just like Ava could never let herself feel anything good lest her mother use it against her, Penny has not let himself think of anything bad for years now, probably, or else it would boil over and explode out of him, just like this. This is no good for either of them, it¡¯s no good for any of us. Ava should not be alive, but she is, and Penny wishes he was dead, but he is not. Bayan has not been allowed a voice or a will since he was a child. And Nua and I?


    ¡°You¡¯re here too,¡± Penny finally finishes, his fists clenching at his sides. ¡°This is how we live, because all that matters is that we live, it doesn¡¯t matter how.¡±


    Bayan goes to Penny and touches his hand. After a moment he loosens his fist, and lets Bayan take his fingers in his, and I feel Nua at my elbow. Haywood said something similar to me, months ago, when I first told him about my parents. If this is how you have to live, in constant fear and pain, is it even worth it?


    And I think of Abigala, and her four husbands, and her two children, no, her six children, god what happened, what did she do, and I can¡¯t answer it. I don¡¯t know. But I wonder what Penny thought when he first heard that Ava got married. Did he blame her? Was he mad? Am I being unfair? Abigala could be just as good as Ava. But she could also not. And that¡¯s the problem, isn¡¯t it. I remember I asked her once, standing on the beach, how any of this was supposed to work. How she was supposed to just push everything down, and away, and not care, and have a relationship with me and Keol at the same time, and Nua, too, if it was normal. ¡°How is this supposed to work?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t think about it.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t think about it?¡±


    ¡°And don¡¯t feel it.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t do that.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re gonna have to learn.¡±


    After a moment Bayan reaches up and touches Penny¡¯s cheek, and then drops his hand and leaves the tent. Nua watches him go, and then asks softly, ¡°Should we go too?¡±


    Penny exhales, shaking his head, and then tilts it back. And then he drops to his knees too, and starts to clean up the mess he made. ¡°Bayan¡¯s got it. He¡¯s good with her.¡±


    He¡¯s good with everyone, I think. He knows how to calm people down.


    ¡°He¡¯s been helping her learn how to read again,¡± says Penny after a moment, and Nua looks at him, furrowing his eyebrows. ¡°What, really?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Penny.


    ¡°Why Bayan? We could¡¯ve helped her.¡±


    ¡°She didn¡¯t want you,¡± says Penny simply, reaching up to put a messy stack of papers back on the table, and starts to sweep together another. ¡°She wanted Bayan.¡±


    ¡°When did Bayan even learn how to read?¡± mutters Nua, and I say, ¡°Don¡¯t get jealous.¡±


    And Nua reaches over and slaps me on the arm, and I shrink away from him a bit, but can¡¯t hold back a slight smile. And Penny looks at us and smiles a little bit too, straightening up. There are screws and parts of a lantern that Sigrid was repairing in the dirt, but Penny just puts the other papers on the table and puts his head in his hands, sighing. Nua looks at him. ¡°You okay?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Penny, and he reminds me of Ava, because he¡¯s obviously not okay, but he doesn¡¯t know how to say so. He¡¯s used to just hiding it behind jokes and a smile, and usually it works, usually it fools us. So you can pretend like you know what you¡¯re doing. You can pretend like you¡¯re fooling her all you want. At the end of the day, we¡¯ll both be here, and she¡¯ll take her pick.


    Miss Lilly took her pick, I realize. From the very beginning, since they were children, since they were born, Miss Lilly has always chosen Ava. And my parents have always chosen me. So Penny was left behind, to be tossed out as soon as he could. And Abigala was left behind, embittered and desperate for attention, and so she found something she could do about it, somehow. But god, it¡¯s not the same. The way my parents cared about me is not the same way that Miss Lilly controls Ava. And the way that Miss Lilly abandoned Penny is not the same way that my parents left me and Abigala. I don¡¯t even know how they left us. I did not see them get taken away and I have not heard from them or even of them since. Jimmy is safe, he is here now, but he is one of hundreds of boys I have met in my life, who have passed through my home, he was one of two dozen who were at the shelter the day that it got raided, and I don¡¯t know where the rest are. I know where Abigala is, though, she is with my mother-in-law, living the life that should have been Ava¡¯s, if only Ava cared just a little bit less.


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve said that,¡± says Penny suddenly, quietly, his head still in his hands. ¡°God, I know what she did to Ava, she started doin¡¯ it when I was still there, she did it with Owen first, and god, I hate it, I hate her, she tortured Ava and she used them to do it and they got tortured too and no one could do anything about it-¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± says Nua gently, standing up. He goes to him, and sits down next to him, and says, ¡°You two, you can¡¯t compare what she did to you. Because she messed with both of your heads in different ways, on purpose. She wanted this to happen, she wanted you to fight.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± he whispers.


    ¡°And everything that she did,¡± says Nua softly, ¡°that Ava did, after you left, it was for you. And then for Owen, and now for Keol. Ava knows that they were just collateral, but they shouldn¡¯t¡¯ve been. She wants, she¡¯s trying to make what happened to them mean something.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s doing it for you, now,¡± Penny says quietly, still muffled into his hands. ¡°All this shit about Abigala, Abigala¡¯s taking over Ava¡¯s life, she¡¯s being the Ava that my mother wanted.¡±


    Nua looks up at me, and for some reason I think of the day that Ava and Keol and Nua and I were all out in the pool, and Bayan came to serve us drinks. It was before Keol started coughing, before everything started to crumble, for us at least. For Bayan it had been years since his life had fallen apart. ¡°Your mom¡¯s a bitch,¡± Keol told Ava when Miss Lilly called Bayan inside a few minutes after I joined them, and she just sighed and said, ¡°I know.¡± And then, weeks later, she told me how her mother had hurt Keol, and how she had hurt Owen, too, and then months after that Bayan told me she had hurt him, too. And all of it was because of Ava. And it¡¯s not Ava¡¯s fault, it¡¯s Lilly¡¯s. But she still has to live with it all, thinking it¡¯s her fault. And now Miss Lilly has got Abigala in her grasp, too, she got her married and a mother and she¡¯s doing the same thing. I put my head in my hands, too, and say, ¡°God.¡±


    Penny looks up at me, and smiles a little, and then sighs again. ¡°We¡¯ll figure it out.¡±


    ¡°Will we?¡± I ask, and he nods. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nua, and I sigh, too. ¡°Yeah.¡±

 chapter 22

    I go see Jimmy, to see how he¡¯s doing. Haywood comes too, and he sits and he talks with us for a long time. I like Haywood, he reminds me of my father, and his voice is calm. He tells Jimmy and Sina about how he and Alis married Nova and how they all went away together, and came down here. He affirms that Ava has been helping him, and that Ava is not bad. I wonder if they heard her and Penny screaming at each other earlier, but it doesn¡¯t seem like it. I¡¯m tired, and let Haywood do most of the talking. I don¡¯t know what time it is and I don¡¯t know how long it¡¯s been since I¡¯ve last slept. I don¡¯t keep track of anything like that anymore.


    Jimmy and Sina met at the agency. I wonder why they decided to run away together. I wonder if they¡¯re like Haywood and Alis, like Nua and I. I wonder if Haywood wonders the same thing. But Sina is a few years older than Jimmy, they should probably wait a few years. Bayan seems like he¡¯s so much older than Penny, but they still share a tent. And he¡¯s really not, either, only five years, and they¡¯re both adults now. But they knew each other when they were children, when Bayan was a teenager but Penny was still a child. And Penny was only seventeen when he left them; Bayan would¡¯ve been twenty-two. Did he spend all those years thinking about his Master Penny, wanting him to come back, knowing his mother would never allow it, knowing he shouldn¡¯t but wanting nonetheless? Keol was four years older than Ava, she was seventeen when they got married and he must have been twenty-one, only a year older than she is now. They only got three years together, and only half that time really together. And Ava¡¯s right. He didn¡¯t have to die; neither did Owen. Penny didn¡¯t have to leave. And Abigala didn¡¯t have to come. But I still don¡¯t know how much of a choice she had in the matter.


    I haven¡¯t spoken for a while; I don¡¯t even hear Jimmy ask me a question until Haywood nudges me. I blink, startling, and say, ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Nothing,¡± says Jimmy with a slight smile. ¡°You look tired, Aber, go to bed.¡±


    And I smile too, because I¡¯m supposed to be taking care of him, but Haywood just laughs and says, ¡°It¡¯s 10:10.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I start to say, and then the tunnel starts to rumble. Sina and Jimmy both look up at the ceiling again, and once the train passes I say, ¡°Okay, maybe.¡±


    ¡°Good night,¡± says Haywood, and I grin at him, and at Jimmy. ¡°Goodnight.¡±


    Ava¡¯s asleep by the time I get back to the tent, but Nua is awake. He looks up as I come in, and I take off my shirt and dig through the bag that Bayan sent us with to find another one. Nua watches, and says, ¡°So you know the boys.¡±


    ¡°I know Jimmy,¡± I say. ¡°He met Sina at the agency that Miss Lilly put them in.¡±


    ¡°God,¡± says Nua under his breath. I come to lie down next to Ava, and put my hand over hers. She sighs in her sleep, and Nua asks, ¡°Did they know Abigala?¡±


    I sigh too, closing my eyes. ¡°Yeah. Jimmy did. I haven¡¯t told him about her.¡±


    ¡°Will he ask?¡±


    ¡°Probably,¡± I say. ¡°Eventually. She helped to take care of all of them. And god, I don¡¯t know what to say, I don¡¯t even understand it myself, and Haywood isn¡¯t telling me anything, and I feel like I don¡¯t know her. Not anymore.¡±


    ¡°What changed?¡± he asks, and I open my eyes, glancing from our wife to her husband. ¡°I don¡¯t know. She promised me¡­¡± I trail off, my fingers playing with Ava¡¯s. Nua guesses, though. ¡°That she would never marry.¡±


    I don¡¯t say anything, and Nua laughs slightly. ¡°So did Ava.¡±


    I blink, and in the dim light he notices. ¡°A few months ago I heard Bayan telling her not to regret breaking her promise to Penny. Through the tent, they didn¡¯t know I was listening. There¡¯s not much sound privacy around here.¡±


    I agree. Penny snores. ¡°Because it¡¯s not her fault,¡± I whisper. ¡°Not her choice.¡±


    ¡°And you jump to assume it was for Abigala.¡±


    I look at him, and he sighs, adjusting himself a little. ¡°Look, I¡¯m not defending Abigala, nor attacking Ava. But¡­shouldn¡¯t you hold them to the same standards? It¡¯s not like she left all of us alone.¡±


    I know he¡¯s talking about Keol, how she threw herself into the relationship with her prominent, her favorite, at least when I knew him. ¡°I know. I¡¯ve been thinking about that, too. But he gave up.¡±


    ¡°Gave up what?¡±


    ¡°Hope.¡±


    Nua doesn¡¯t answer.


    ¡°He always knew he was going to be a husband; that¡¯s why he never learned to read. He accepted it. You didn¡¯t. I didn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Owen didn¡¯t,¡± says Nua quietly, and I squeeze my eyes shut. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I don¡¯t know anything, Nua.¡±


    ¡°Me either,¡± he murmurs, lifting his arm a little as Ava rolls, and suddenly another voice joins us. ¡°Whether or not you think she chose,¡± says Penny from the tent next to us, his tone slightly icy, ¡°don¡¯t let her sleep on her stomach. Bad for the stitches.¡±


    ¡°Knew we were missing some background noise,¡± I mutter, and Nua manages a grin, tracing the slight smile that had appeared on Ava¡¯s lips at the sound of her brother¡¯s voice. ¡°At least she¡¯s quiet at night.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t let her sleep on her back, either, then, if you want her to stay that way,¡± comes Bayan¡¯s soft mellow voice next to us, and I hear a scuffling as Penny tries to kick him, probably. I stifle a laugh, and Ava shifts, then says sleepily, ¡°Shut up.¡±


    Even when she¡¯s hardly awake her voice holds power over us, and all four of us fall silent because she wants to sleep. Nua grins at me over her head, and, my eyes drooping heavily with fatigue, I manage a smile back, trying to push away the thought of Abigala that¡¯s twisting in my head.


    But we don¡¯t manage to sleep for very long, because in the middle of the night a scream pierces the damp underground air. I sit up sharply, and Nua jumps. ¡°What was that?¡±


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ¡°Marissa,¡± murmurs Penny from the text next to us, and I hear rustling as he moves to go. Ava sits up too, her jaw dropping, and then she follows her brother. And Bayan and Nua and I follow her.


    Sigrid and Nova are both by Nerev and Marissa¡¯s tent when we make our way all the way down to Shan. It¡¯s incredible that we were able to hear Marissa all the way down the western track, and then she yells again from inside, and it¡¯s ear-piercing. Nerev comes out, his face ashen, and says, ¡°We need a doctor.¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t have a doctor,¡± says Sigrid as Penny and Ava and the rest of us all approach. Penny says, ¡°What can we do?¡±


    ¡°Nothing,¡± says Nova, and ducks into the tent. Nua¡¯s hand wraps around mine, and I squeeze it. ¡°Is she gonna be okay?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nerev. I don¡¯t know if he believes himself.


    ¡°She¡¯s gonna be fine,¡± says Sigrid decisively. ¡°We used to do this all the time. Penny, go get as many clean towels as you can, make sure they¡¯re clean. Bayan, go with him, and get a blanket, too. Nerev, get water. As much as you can carry. Alis has gone to look for pain medication, he¡¯ll be back soon. Ava, she doesn¡¯t want the men in there, except for Nerev, so you¡¯re gonna be our carrier. Bring in the towels and the meds when they get back.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± says Ava in shock, her eyes widening, but Sigrid just grins, and goes inside the tent too.


    Ava looks at me in shock, and Penny just grins, and pulls on Bayan¡¯s hand. They go down into the supply room, just as Alis comes out, and he holds out a handful of things for Ava to take. ¡°Masks, gloves, and pain meds.¡±


    And Marissa makes a noise again, and I can hear Nova speaking to her softly from inside the tent, and Ava says, ¡°I don¡¯t wanna go in there.¡±


    ¡°Please,¡± says Alis quietly. ¡°Marissa wants the women with her. You don¡¯t have to stay.¡±


    ¡°Oh, god,¡± she mutters, but she takes the things and ducks into the tent.


    ¡°Come on,¡± says Alis when she¡¯s gone, and he jerks his head down towards the map room. ¡°We¡¯ll wait here.¡±


    Haywood is inside, in the process of adjusting something on one of his broken lanterns, and looks up when we go in. ¡°How is she?¡±


    ¡°As well as she can be,¡± answers Alis, putting his chin on his shoulder. ¡°What are you doing?¡±


    ¡°Chloe knocked over Sloan¡¯s lantern last night,¡± says Haywood with a grin. ¡°With her tail. But I think I can fix it.¡±


    Nua winces as Marissa makes a noise again, but it¡¯s not so loud. Haywood looks up, but Alis just shakes his head. ¡°She has the pain meds. We¡¯ve been saving the good ones for her.¡±


    ¡°People used to do this all the time?¡± I murmur, sitting on the armchair, and Alis smiles a little, nodding. ¡°This is how it was. It took them a little while to figure out live extractions and artificial development.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like it hurts,¡± says Nua, and Alis shrugs. ¡°It does.¡±


    ¡°Ava would not like that,¡± I say quietly, and Haywood hears, and laughs. ¡°Neither would Nova. It¡¯s a lot easier, nowadays, to have kids. Of course, a lot of people don¡¯t like how it is now, either.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± asks Nua, and Haywood shrugs. ¡°I dunno. It¡¯s not natural, is it, the way that we do everything in sterilized labs. There¡¯s probably some benefits to actual pregnancy too, for the baby at least, but it can be dangerous for the woman, which is the problem. The doctors have been getting so much better at keeping the babies safe while they¡¯re growing, at least.¡±


    ¡°Are all doctors women?¡± I ask suddenly, and Alis looks at me and laughs a little. ¡°No, there aren¡¯t nearly enough women for that.¡±


    ¡°All the doctors at home were women,¡± I say, glancing at Nua. ¡°When they came in to take care of Keol.¡±


    ¡°Lilly probably picked them,¡± he says, and Haywood shrugs, but nods. ¡°Maybe. It all has to do with the contract you signed when you married your wife.¡±


    I think back to the day I got married. It was the same day that my parents were taken away, and Abigala, and all the boys that didn¡¯t get out first. And me, when Ava found out that I was the only one old enough to be legally married. Bayan took me away, and brought me to the beach house, and then in the backyard Ava signed her name at the bottom of a paper, and took my fingerprint from the water in the fountain. There were a whole lot of words on that paper that I didn¡¯t get to read. ¡°What do the contracts say?¡±


    ¡°It depends,¡± says Haywood, glancing at Alis. ¡°Women get them drawn up for their husbands to sign, and sometimes they actually work together to make one that¡¯s fair to the both of them. But for some people who don¡¯t have a lot of options, they have to sign a marriage contract that¡¯s bad for them. That¡¯s the biggest problem, really.¡±


    ¡°What did ours say?¡± I ask Nua, assuming that they¡¯d be the same. But he shakes his head. ¡°I don¡¯t know. She didn¡¯t let me read it.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur. ¡°We just had to sign.¡±


    Haywood smiles a little. ¡°Mine said that if Nova didn¡¯t have a child by the time I turned twenty-five, I could go.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I say, turning back to him. ¡°What, why?¡±


    He shrugs. ¡°But there¡¯s loopholes to it. Alis¡¯ and I were the same, see, and it didn¡¯t specify me having a child, or Alis, specifically. So if either of us got Nova pregnant, we¡¯d both be stuck.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± says Nua, twisting his mouth.


    ¡°A lot of them are like that,¡± says Alis with a slight smile. ¡°Nova didn¡¯t write hers, she didn¡¯t do it, and she didn¡¯t like it either. But she was never really intending on having children anyway.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± says Nua with a slight smile.


    ¡°And for people who do get to split up after the husband turns 25,¡± says Alis, glancing to Haywood, ¡°I mean, legally, those men can really do whatever they want. In practice, a lot of the times he stays dependent on his wife because he doesn¡¯t have any resources of his own. It¡¯s designed like that. But in theory, if he wants to go become a doctor he can.¡±


    ¡°Or even if you don¡¯t annul,¡± says Haywood with a grin. ¡°If you have a nice wife who lets you, you can get a job, or something.¡±


    ¡°Like the man at the library,¡± I say, and Nua glances at me, but then Ava comes into the room and falls onto a chair, burying her face in her hands. ¡°Oh. My god.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± I ask, as Penny and Bayan follow behind. Ava looks up, and points her finger at me. ¡°You stay away from me.¡±


    But she smiles a little as she says it, and I can¡¯t help but laugh. ¡°That bad?¡±


    Nua grins too, and Ava runs her fingers through her hair. ¡°God, I didn¡¯t even know that human bodies could do that.¡±


    ¡°Is it done?¡± asks Nua, and she shakes her head. ¡°Oh, god, no, it just started. Sigrid said it could take hours. But Nerev¡¯s there, now, I could go.¡±


    ¡°Hours?¡± says Penny, looking at his sister. ¡°I didn¡¯t know that.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what Sigrid said,¡± says Ava, and Nua asks, ¡°Has Sigrid done this before?¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± says Penny, and Haywood shakes his head. ¡°None of us have. But when they came to us, Sigrid went up to the surface and got a few books and stuff about it. She¡¯s been studying.¡±


    ¡°That must¡¯ve raised suspicion,¡± mutters Nua, and Alis laughs. ¡°Didn¡¯t think of that, actually.¡±


    Jimmy and Sina come into the map room, hair standing on end. ¡°Aber,¡± says Jimmy, and I rise. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s alright.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± asks Sina, and Haywood stands too. ¡°Yeah, this is not the best introduction to Tent City that you could¡¯ve gotten. But nothing¡¯s wrong, it¡¯s just Marissa. One of the women who live here. She¡¯s giving birth.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s what?¡± asks Jimmy, and Sina¡¯s jaw drops. ¡°She can¡¯t do that.¡±


    ¡°Oh, she sure can,¡± mutters Ava, and Jimmy looks to her as if he¡¯s just noticing her. And then he looks back at me, and I smile a little. ¡°Nua, go get the book.¡±


    Nua looks over at me, and so does Ava, and I gesture to the ground. ¡°Sit down.¡±


    Jimmy looks at me again, and then at Sina, and then he smiles. And Nua does too, and slips out of the room, and I sit in the dirt. Ava looks at me, and I gesture for her. ¡°Come on, you too, all of you, come on, sit down.¡±


    She glances at Penny, and then shrugs and comes and joins me on the ground, and Sina and Jimmy sink down too, hesitantly. Penny sits down too, and reaches out for Bayan. Ava puts her head on my shoulder, and I move my arm so she can lean against me, and after a few moments, all of us kind of on edge listening for more screams, Nua comes back with the book of fairy tales. ¡°She¡¯s got the meds now, I think.¡±


    Haywood and Alis join us too, and Nua sits down next to me, handing me the book. I take it, and look at Jimmy. ¡°Pick a number.¡±


    ¡°Out of what?¡± he says softly, still staring at Ava, but her eyes are closed. Nua nudges her, and she opens her eyes, and then moves over and rests her head on his shoulder instead. I smile a little, adjusting myself so I can hold the book on my lap now, and flip to the last page. ¡°Three hundred and seventy four.¡±


    He thinks a moment, and then says, ¡°Eleven squared.¡±


    Sina wrinkles his nose, and Penny looks at me. ¡°You¡¯re making us do math?¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly, and I do too, flipping to page 121. ¡°It¡¯s a game, we used to play at the shelter. Math or reading, your pick.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll read, thanks.¡±


    ¡°Lucky you,¡± murmurs Ava, and I smile, looking down at the page. Jimmy picked good, it¡¯s the first page of a brand new story, and I say, ¡°Little Red Riding Hood,¡± and then I pass the book to Bayan.

 chapter 23

    It¡¯s a boy, of course.


    The seven of us, me and Nua and Ava, plus Penny and Bayan, plus Sina and Jimmy, sit in a circle and read out loud, for hours.  Haywood and Alis just watch and listen and occasionally go out to do work things, but we manage to get through more than a dozen stories over the course of a few hours.  Ava always skips her turn to read, instead coming up with numbers to multiply together, and Nua and Jimmy try to race to figure it out.  She almost falls asleep with her head in Nua¡¯s lap, and Sina actually does after a few rounds, lying down with his head on a balled-up sweatshirt.  But in the early hours of the morning, I think, Alis comes back to us, and says, ¡°Ava, do you want to see the baby?¡±


    Jimmy¡¯s asleep too by this point, curled up on his side on the ground, and Ava opens her eyes.  ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s born,¡± says Alis.  ¡°It¡¯s a boy.  He and Marissa are both doing really well.¡±


    ¡°Oh, my god,¡± says Ava quietly, looking at her watch.  I look at it too, it¡¯s 6:32 am.  Jimmy opens his eyes, looking at me, and I smile a little.  Alis looks down at the boys too, and then gestures for me and Ava to come.


    He brings us to Marissa and Nerev¡¯s tent, and then leads the boys back to their own.  Ava takes a deep breath, and then pushes open the flap.  Nua and I hang back, unsure if she wants us, but after a moment I hear Marissa say, ¡°No, come in, come in.¡±


    Nua looks at me, grinning, and ducks into the tent as well.  Marissa looks up at us, and Nerev, too.  She¡¯s lying in his arms as he leans up against the wall behind their tent, and there¡¯s a bundle of blankets in her arms.  Her face is flushed, but she¡¯s smiling, and Nerev is, too.  ¡°His name is Julian.¡±


    Ava smiles, but she¡¯s looking at Marissa.  After a moment she notices, and laughs.  ¡°I¡¯m alright.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± says Ava, and Nerev grins, kissing his wife on the side of the head.  And Ava looks back at me and Nua, and says again, ¡°I¡¯m not doing that.¡±


    ¡°Never asked you to,¡± says Nua, and Marissa laughs, and Ava smiles.


    She stays with them for a while.  She¡¯s made friends with Marissa since she came down here, and now that the baby¡¯s out and sleeping she can handle it.  Sloan stays with them, too, and I don¡¯t know what they talk about, those three women and Nerev is with them too, but it¡¯s late when she crawls back into the tent, lying down on the mat between us.  Nua¡¯s asleep, but I open one of my eyes and look at her.  She sees, adjusting herself on the ground, and says, ¡°Did I wake you up?¡±


    I shrug, and yawn.  ¡°Dunno.  What were you talking about?¡±


    Ava smiles a little, yawning too, and says, ¡°We¡¯ll talk tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± I murmur, but I¡¯m too tired to protest.  She just grins, closing her eyes too.


    And we all sleep for hours and hours, even without Miss Lilly¡¯s drugs.  I don¡¯t know what time it is when we fall asleep and I don¡¯t know what time it is when we wake up, but there¡¯s something different in the air.  I don¡¯t know what it is, but I do, it¡¯s the baby.  There¡¯s a baby down here now.


    Penny and Ava go back to visit Marissa when we¡¯re all awake again, and Nua and I sit with Bayan in the fire forum.  He has a proddy stick and is fixing some of the logs in the fire, and Nua is lying on the ground, his hands under his head, staring up at the cement above us, watching the smoke drift into the hole in the ceiling.  ¡°Have you ever seen a baby before?¡±


    ¡°I mean, yeah,¡± I say after a moment.  ¡°Haven¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± he says thoughtfully, still staring at the ceiling.  His hair is spread out around his head, not quite as long as Penny¡¯s yet but still longer and straighter than mine.  ¡°Just, like, on TV.¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly, putting the poker down.  Nua says, ¡°Do you think Ava likes babies?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I say with a laugh.  ¡°Why?¡±


    He shrugs.  ¡°I mean, if Keol wasn¡¯t¡­¡±  He trails off, and then says, ¡°If whatever was wrong wasn¡¯t, we¡¯d have had some prominent children by now, wouldn¡¯t we?¡±


    ¡°Probably,¡± murmurs Bayan, and I look at him, thinking of what he said.  We were not enough to keep Ava at home at the beach house, her husbands were not enough to lure her home over the lure of Penny.  Of course she sent back for us, and if I had known what was going on I would not have doubted her.  But if she had a baby at home, or in a lab somewhere waiting for her, if she had Keol¡¯s baby, I don¡¯t know if she would have been able to leave.  Keol had dark hair and tannish skin.  Nua has pale skin and blond hair like Ava¡¯s, and I have darker skin than them both, darker than Bayan.  We would¡¯ve known whose baby it was, I think, if she had slept with all of us at once and then got pregnant from one of us.  We would¡¯ve been able to tell.  I wonder if she would have loved Keol¡¯s baby more than mine.  And then I shake my head.  It doesn¡¯t matter.  And it¡¯s not fair.  She has nothing left of him, except a ring on her finger and his heart in her chest.


    Nua opens his mouth again, as if he¡¯s about to say something else, but he doesn¡¯t get a chance to because Ava and Penny come back then, balancing take-out boxes of breakfast in their hands.  Sloan is with them, her arms laden with water bottles, and they pass them all out, sitting down in the dirt next to us.  Nua sits up, leaning against the stones around the firepit, and I¡¯m reminded of the fountain at home.


    ¡°So,¡± says Penny after a moment, settling in on the ground at Bayan¡¯s feet.  ¡°Baby.¡±


    ¡°Baby,¡± agrees Nua.  Ava grins a little, poking through her blueberries, and Bayan watches her.  She notices, looking up at him, and although neither of them say anything I watch something pass between them.  She¡¯s always been a picky eater, I¡¯ve noticed, and her sickness made her skinnier than she should¡¯ve been too.  Now, being stuck down here with no sunlight isn¡¯t helping either.


    But after a moment Ava just pops a blueberry in her mouth, leaning back, and then says, ¡°Are we all awake?¡±


    Sloan looks at her, and says, ¡°Now?¡±


    ¡°Good a time as any,¡± says Ava, and Penny glances between them.  ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡±


    Sloan looks at Ava again, and she just takes a deep breath.  ¡°I¡¯ve made a decision,¡± she says slowly.  ¡°And I need you all to listen, and to shut up.¡±


    I look at Bayan, thinking he would know what she¡¯s planning, but to my surprise he looks just as confused as the rest of us do.  Penny just mutters, ¡°No one said anything,¡± and Ava glares at him.  Then she looks up at Sloan, and closes her eyes, and says, ¡°I have to go back.¡±


    And the four of us stare at her, me and Nua and Penny and Bayan, and after a moment she opens her eyes.  She told us to shut up, but now she¡¯s not talking, and finally Nua says, ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°I have to go back,¡± she says again, softly.  ¡°It¡¯s me that she wants, and now that we know about Abigala, I can start to figure it out.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± says Penny, standing, but she just holds up her hands.  ¡°It¡¯s not because of anything you said.  You were right, but I¡¯ve been thinking about this for a while.  We can¡¯t stay here forever.¡±


    ¡°But why do we have to go back?¡± I ask quietly, and she looks at me, smiling slightly.  ¡°You don¡¯t.  I do.¡±


    ¡°No, Ava,¡± says Penny.  She just nods.  ¡°Yes.  Everything works.  Now is the time.¡±


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    ¡°Why now?¡± I ask, and she says, ¡°I know where Abigala is.  I can start to figure out where your parents are.  And now that Marissa¡¯s not pregnant anymore, I can help her and Nerev take the baby somewhere safe.¡±


    And we stare at her a moment more, and then she sighs, and stands up, and walks to the fire.  She holds out her hands, and then turns back to us.  ¡°Everything that my mother has done, it¡¯s been because of me.  Because I wouldn¡¯t listen to her.  And look where it¡¯s gotten us.  Penny hasn¡¯t seen the sun in three years.  Bayan has been hit and abused until he could get away, and you two, you¡¯re married to me.  And Keol and Owen are dead.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all because of her,¡± says Penny quietly, still standing, still staring at her.  ¡°Why do you want to go back to her, you can¡¯t go back to her.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to go back to her,¡± says Ava.  ¡°But I¡¯m the only one that she won¡¯t hurt.¡±


    ¡°But she can¡¯t get to us now,¡± I say quietly, and Ava looks at me.  ¡°She can get to Abigala.¡±


    My stomach drops, and I shake my head.  ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s what it¡¯s all for,¡± says Ava quietly, sitting on the stones around the firepit, in front of me.  ¡°She¡¯s using Abigala to get to you to get to me.  Cut out the middle man.  I go back, you stay safe down here, for as long as you need to.  But eventually, I¡¯ll get you back out.¡±


    ¡°Miss Ava,¡± says Bayan softly.  She ignores him, or maybe doesn¡¯t hear.  ¡°But I can¡¯t get you out, and safe, and healthy, from down here.  I have to go up.¡±


    ¡°Miss Ava,¡± says Bayan again, and something flashes through his eyes, something I¡¯ve never seen in him before.  He looks up at her, and then to Penny, and then shakes his head.  ¡°I can¡¯t let you go.¡±


    Ava looks at him for a moment, a slight smile on her lips, but it¡¯s because she understands.  And she takes a deep breath, and says,  ¡°First of all, Bayan, I appreciate your looking out for me, but I already have to deal with one idiotic boy trying to protect me from our mother, and I don¡¯t need two.¡±


    She pauses, and Bayan looks down at the ground.


    ¡°And second of all,¡± she says after a slightly awkward moment, ¡°there¡¯s no need to keep up with this ¡®Miss Ava¡¯ business.  I¡¯m not your owner, at least not anymore.¡±


    He looks up at her.  Nua says, ¡°Yeah, and on that note, stop calling us master.¡±


    Bayan smiles slightly at the ground, and then looks up at us.  I smile a little.  He looks at Ava, and then at Penny, and seems to be a little flustered.  Finally he says, ¡°If you¡¯re absolutely sure-¡±


    ¡°I am,¡± she says with finality, and I¡¯m fairly certain they¡¯re not talking about titles anymore.


    He nods.  Nua stands up too, looking down at her, and says slowly, ¡°Okay.¡±  He watches her rub the spot where a bandage sits under her clothes.  Bayan¡¯s eyes follow her hands as well, but he doesn¡¯t say anything else.  Nua puts his hands on his head, and says, ¡°What would you do at home?¡±


    ¡°Wait, were you calling me an idiot?¡± asks Penny.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know yet,¡± says Ava, ignoring her brother, ¡°because I would have to do what she wants.  At least at first, at least a little bit.  But the plan would still be to talk to you.  I can still talk to you, through Sloan, like Bayan used to do without telling me.¡±


    Bayan looks at the ground again, and Penny just puts his hand on his shoulder.


    ¡°And,¡± she continues, looking at me now, ¡°the plan would be, really, the main thing, is to find your parents, Aber.¡±


    I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, and I can feel tears behind them.  Finally I say, ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know yet,¡± she says gently.  ¡°And I might have to do it in secret.  But if I can go back to work, I can talk to people.¡±


    ¡°You told me you couldn¡¯t, you told me you couldn¡¯t when you were looking for Abigala,¡± I whisper.  ¡°You said it was different departments and different, different government things.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she says softly.  ¡°But if I go back to my mother now, she¡¯ll keep me under close watch.  And that¡¯ll probably mean that she¡¯ll start training me to do what she does.  And part of what she does, it¡¯s budgeting, for the agencies, and I worked in budgeting before, remember?¡±


    ¡°She wants you to do agencies?¡± I whisper, looking at her, and I can feel my eyes welling with tears, I don¡¯t know why.  Ava nods.  ¡°That¡¯s what she¡¯s wanted, this whole time, my whole life.  That¡¯s what it¡¯s all been for.  For me to take over what she does.¡±


    ¡°What if she doesn¡¯t?¡± asks Nua quietly, sinking back down to sit in his chair.  ¡°What if she just locks you in the house and doesn¡¯t let you anywhere near the stupid fence button and you¡¯re stuck, you¡¯re cut off from everything-¡±


    But Ava shakes her head, holding up her hands.  ¡°Trust me, Nua.  Please.¡±


    ¡°Won¡¯t she ask about us?¡± asks Penny softly.  ¡°Where we are, where you¡¯ve been hiding all this time.¡±


    ¡°If she wants me to stay,¡± says Ava, ¡°she¡¯ll have to leave the subject alone.  Sloan will come with me.¡±


    ¡°You knew about this?¡± asks Penny, turning on Sloan, and she just nods.  ¡°We¡¯ve been planning it with Shan for a little while.¡±


    ¡°How long?¡± I ask, and she looks at me, and smiles a little.  ¡°A few weeks after I got you.¡±


    ¡°Months,¡± murmurs Penny.


    ¡°What if she makes you get married again?¡± asks Nua, and I look at him.  He has an expression on his face that I can¡¯t quite make out, but somehow it¡¯s exactly the same as what¡¯s on Ava¡¯s when I look back at her.  She stares at him a moment, and then swallows and shakes her head.  ¡°She won¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t sound convinced.¡±


    ¡°She won¡¯t,¡± says Ava again.  ¡°Listen.  I am the one that she wants, and I am also the one that she needs.  She had children for a reason.  And she got extremely fucking lucky, that on the first try she got a daughter.  Unfortunately I came with a twin, but that didn¡¯t seem to stop the entire life trajectory that she set out for me the second she found out she was pregnant.  She needs me to run her empire.  My whole life she has used Penny and Bayan and Owen and my husbands to try and keep me in line, and now she has Abigala.  Because of you.¡±  She points to me.  ¡°So I go to her and I tell her to leave you alone, and Abigala alone, and if I have to say it I¡¯ll refuse to marry anyone else.  But the main point is that she leaves you alone, at least for now, and in exchange she has me back.  But I can still try and figure things out.  For us, and for Shan.  And maybe we can actually start doing things that make a difference.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t need to sacrifice yourself for us to do something,¡± says Penny quietly, and Ava looks up at him and smiles.  ¡°Penny, I¡¯m the only one who can.¡±


    They stare at each other, mirror images, and Ava sighs.  ¡°I¡¯m the only one who can.  Not just out of us.  Out of everyone down here.  And god, I wish I weren¡¯t.  But all Shan can do is run things, in Tent City.  Which is good, and we need them, and they¡¯re doing a great job.  And all Sloan and Alicia and everyone else can do is help us, down here, in Tent City.  Which is good, and we need them, and they¡¯re doing a great job.  But every single person down here, all of you included, deserve to be up there.¡±


    And she points to the ceiling.  Nua and I both look up, and then back at her as she continues.  ¡°Like normal people.  I want you back,¡± she says quietly, and she¡¯s looking at Penny.  ¡°I want you back, and I want you home.  And I want your sister safe,¡± she says, looking at me.  ¡°And your parents.  And I want Marissa and Nerev in a place where they can raise their baby with grass and sky.¡±


    ¡°Did they ask you to do this?¡± asks Penny quietly, and Ava shakes her head.  ¡°No, Penny.  But I knew that I was going to go back as soon as I got here.  Eventually.  Somehow.  And either I go now, or she rips the entire city apart, and when she doesn¡¯t find me, she starts digging.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re going with you,¡± says Nua, and Ava just laughs, looking at him, and shakes her head.  ¡°No, you¡¯re not.¡±


    ¡°We are,¡± I whisper, and she looks at me too.  ¡°No.  You can¡¯t.  You stay here, all of you, until I can get you safe.  You have to be safe.¡±


    ¡°That could take months,¡± says Nua.  ¡°Years.¡±


    ¡°We managed before,¡± says Ava.


    ¡°Managed,¡± says Penny.  ¡°You don¡¯t want us to manage, you want us to live.  And who knows, if you come back, she¡¯ll follow Sloan, she¡¯ll make you tell, they¡¯ll find us anyway, somehow, she¡¯s still looking for me, you know.¡±


    ¡°To give you back to your wife,¡± says Ava exasperatedly.  ¡°That¡¯s why you can¡¯t just show up on her doorstep, Penny Fortin, that¡¯s why you¡¯ve been down here this whole time.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± says Penny, his jaw clenching, and Ava holds up her hands.  ¡°She¡¯ll give you back,¡± she says, her voice breaking.  ¡°You can¡¯t come with me, because she¡¯ll give you back.¡±


    ¡°Then I¡¯ll go,¡± says Nua quietly, and Ava looks at him, tears in her eyes now.  ¡°I have no idea what she¡¯ll do to you.¡±


    ¡°What about me?¡± I ask, and Ava manages a laugh, wiping her nose.  ¡°She drugged all four of us to sleep just to make sure you didn¡¯t find out your sister was working for her, Aber, and now she¡¯s living there-¡±


    ¡°Or maybe,¡± I say softly, ¡°it was so that my sister wouldn¡¯t find out that I¡¯m married to you.¡±


    Ava looks at me.  So does Bayan, and Penny, and Nua, and then Sloan says quietly, ¡°I told you they¡¯d wanna come.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± says Ava quietly with a sigh.  She leans her head back, and then shakes her head to mess up her hair.  ¡°But you all know that I¡¯m right, right?¡±


    Nua and I glance at each other, and Penny and Bayan glance at each other.  Ava notices.  ¡°You know that I have to go back.  To help all of you, and to help Shan, and now, maybe more than anything else, to help that stupid baby.¡±


    I¡¯m the first one to answer.  ¡°Yeah.¡±


    And Nua and Penny both look at me, but Bayan just leans back in his chair and sighs.  And Penny looks down at him, and then he looks at his sister, and takes a deep breath.  ¡°I want to come, Ava.¡±


    Ava looks at him.


    ¡°I want to see her,¡± he says quietly.  ¡°After what she did to me, and to Owen, and to Bayan¡­¡±


    Bayan shakes his head, closing his eyes, but doesn¡¯t say anything, and Penny does not acknowledge it.  ¡°I want her to look me in the eyes.  I want her to not be able to.¡±


    ¡°I have to see Abigala,¡± I say quietly, looking up at Ava, and she just sighs.  I shake my head.  ¡°I do.  I do, I, Abigala won¡¯t let her do anything, but I need to know.  I need to ask her.  Why.¡±


    ¡°Ava, we¡¯re not going to just let you go back on your own,¡± says Nua softly, and Bayan whispers, ¡°Miss Ava.¡±


    ¡°What did I just say?¡± says Ava to him, and he smiles a little at the dirt beneath his feet.  ¡°I told you,¡± says Sloan again with a slight grin, and Ava just smiles a little too, holding up her hands.  ¡°I made my case.  That¡¯s all I wanted.¡±


    And she sighs, and leans her back, and rubs her eyes.  She looks around at all of us, and says, ¡°So that¡¯s it, then.  It¡¯s decided.  We¡¯ll start planning.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s decided,¡± says Penny with finality.  ¡°We¡¯ll start planning.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re going back,¡± says Ava, looking at me and Nua.  He reaches over and takes my hand, and I squeeze it.  ¡°We¡¯re going back.¡±

 chapter 24

    We¡¯re all going back.  Back to the beach house.  Nua and I almost died getting out, and now we¡¯re going back.


    Okay, that¡¯s a bit dramatic.  But still.  We¡¯re going back to the beach house prison.  For Abigala and my parents.  For me.  And for baby Julian and his parents, and for everyone else trapped down here in Tent City, for Jimmy.  Oh, god, I have to go tell Jimmy that I¡¯m leaving.


    I put it off for a few days.  I lie next to Ava in our tent as she sleeps, and Nua too, his arm wrapped around her.  I just stare at the ceiling in the dark, feeling Ava breathe next to me.  I can hear Penny and Bayan in the tent next to us, although they¡¯re speaking too low for me to hear their words.  It¡¯s just a murmur in the background, like an ocean, as thoughts tumble and crash in my head like waves.


    Ava needs to go back, because she needs to see what Miss Lilly is doing with Abigala, and she needs to find my parents, and she needs to make Miss Lilly leave us alone, stop looking for us.  Because if Miss Lilly follows her daughter and finds Tent City, everyone down here is in danger, including new baby Julian.  But Ava should have known that Nua and Bayan and I wouldn¡¯t let her go alone, much less Penny.  She did know.  Sloan tried to tell her.  And she tried to make her case to us, to let her go, and of course we couldn¡¯t let her.  Nua and I could hardly let her go the first time.  How Bayan managed I have no idea.


    So now, after everything we did to get out, we¡¯re going to go back.  We got a few months of peace, I think to myself, and then I realize I¡¯ve lost track of the days.  Julian was born around four days ago, at least depending on how many times we¡¯ve slept, and when Ava wakes up the next morning I ask her what day it is.


    She blinks, and then looks at her watch.  ¡°March third.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I murmur when she tells me, and she yawns.  ¡°Why?¡±


    I shrug.  ¡°Just haven¡¯t been keeping track.¡±


    ¡°You gonna talk to Jimmy today?¡± she asks, and I sigh.  ¡°I suppose I have to.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t,¡± she says.  ¡°You don¡¯t have to come.  You can stay, with him, look after him.¡±


    ¡°I have to see Abigala,¡± I say again, and she doesn¡¯t argue.


    She does, however, go get us breakfast, with Bayan.  Penny and Nua and I all wait in the fire forum, and none of us say anything.  I don¡¯t know what Ava and Sloan and Shan have been talking about, but she hasn¡¯t told us any more yet, so we¡¯re just spending the days in waiting.  When she comes back, all she gives us is food, and we have breakfast together, the five of us on the ground next to the fire, and it¡¯s nice.  But it¡¯s not home.


    I resolve to go see Jimmy after breakfast.  He¡¯s in his tent with Sina, where I thought he¡¯d be.  Nua¡¯s lent them the book of fairy tales, just so they have something to do, and Sina¡¯s leaning against the wall with it in his lap when I tap on the fabric of their tent door.  Jimmy opens it a little, and then smiles and lets me in, and I smile too.  ¡°You should try to get out of here sometime.¡±


    ¡°What, into the sunlight?¡± says Sina, and I laugh a little.  ¡°Out of the tent, at least.  Come to the fire forum sometime.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± agrees Jimmy as Sina turns a page, and he reminds me so much of Nua right now, and I look down at my hand, and say, ¡°So.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± asks Jimmy, his eyebrows coming together.


    ¡°So Ava and I,¡± I say, and then I pause.  ¡°We¡¯re going home.¡±


    Jimmy just looks at me, his hands folded in his lap.  ¡°Home?¡±


    ¡°Her home,¡± I say with a slight smile.  ¡°Abigala¡¯s there.  And we¡¯re going to try to find my parents.¡±


    ¡°Is she making you?¡± asks Jimmy calmly, and I shake my head, pressing my lips together so I don¡¯t laugh.  I shouldn¡¯t laugh at him, he¡¯s only saying what he knows.  ¡°No.  Actually, she wants us to stay here, but we, we want to go.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± asks Sina, and Jimmy ignores him.  ¡°All of you?¡±


    ¡°Me and Nua,¡± I say, ¡°and her brother Penny, and Bayan.¡±


    ¡°What is Bayan?¡± asks Sina, peering over the top of the book and over his knees at me.  ¡°Like, to them.¡±


    ¡°He worked in the house,¡± I say.  ¡°But he¡¯s known them both for a while, and he loves them.¡±


    ¡°Do you love them?¡± asks Jimmy, and I look back at him, and I take a deep breath, and I say, ¡°Yes, I do.  I love Ava and I love Nua, and I love Abigala and my parents.  My sister is at home, with Ava¡¯s mother, so we¡¯re going to make sure she¡¯s okay, and we¡¯re going to try and help Shan, help everyone.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± asks Jimmy quietly.  And I sigh again.  ¡°Now that, that¡¯s what we¡¯re trying to figure out.¡±


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    But to be honest, I don¡¯t really care how.  Because for months now, for over half a year, I¡¯ve been trying to find my way back to Abigala.  That¡¯s all I care about, Abigala and my parents, I need to get back to them again.  Ava knew that she could not tell me to stay here while she went up to meet my sister.  She knew I was going to have to come.  She has not said a word trying to convince me otherwise, or Penny; she knows neither of us will budge.  She has said words to Nua and to Bayan, but they both won¡¯t hear any of it.  Bayan listens to her, at least, not saying anything but not agreeing with her either.  Nua won¡¯t even let her even try.  Out of all of us, I don¡¯t blame her for wanting Bayan to stay.  I wonder how Miss Lilly is even managing to survive without him, without someone to cook and clean for her, without someone to toy with.  But I suppose she has Abigala now.  I don¡¯t blame her for wanting Bayan to stay, but he won¡¯t lose her or Penny again, especially not at the same time.


    It¡¯s a few days after I talk to Jimmy that Sloan finally comes to collect all of us and bring us to Shan, a week or so into March.  I don¡¯t notice any temperature difference down here, I haven¡¯t all this time, really, but Sloan tells us as we go down towards the map room that the snow is melting up on the surface.  She brings us in to find Ava and Sloan and Haywood and Alis and Nova, mid-conversation, about something seemingly having nothing to do with Miss Lilly, because Sigrid is doubled over in laughter, her head in Nova¡¯s lap.  Alis has his face buried in his hands, and Haywood is trying to stop himself from laughing, too.  Ava¡¯s just watching them with a satisfied grin on her face, and when Sloan brings us in she says, ¡°Boys, you made it.  And Sloan.¡±


    Sigrid straightens up to look at us, trying to compose herself, and Nova reaches over to fix her collar.  She bites her lip, smiling, and Alis sits up as well.  ¡°Okay.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s so funny?¡± asks Penny, not really expecting an answer, and he doesn¡¯t get one.  Haywood just stands, coming over to sit next to me where I¡¯ve taken a folding chair.  ¡°Never mind.  Are we ready?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± answers Nua, and Ava comes over to me too, sitting on my lap again.  ¡°You good?¡±


    I nod, looking up at her, and she grins.  ¡°Well, we¡¯re going back.¡±


    ¡°Is that what you all were laughing about?¡± mutters Penny, sitting in a chair too, and Bayan puts his hands on his shoulders.  Penny leans his head back to look up at him, and they talk with their eyes but I don¡¯t know what they say.  Nua sits at my feet.  ¡°What¡¯s the plan?¡±


    ¡°Honestly, there isn¡¯t much of one,¡± says Sigrid, finally managing to keep a straight face for more than two seconds.  She hops up on the table, taking one of Nova¡¯s long braids in her hands to play with, almost absentmindedly.  ¡°You guys just need to go home.¡±


    ¡°The biggest thing is figuring out how you¡¯re going to keep in touch with us,¡± says Nova, ignoring Sigrid.  Penny raises his eyebrows.  ¡°I thought that was Sloan.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± says Ava on my lap, and Nua looks up at her.  She continues.  ¡°But slipping out to run there and back, or trying to set up a secret system like Bayan had, it¡¯s all too risky now that my mother will know.  We¡¯ve just been trying to figure out how to keep us all safe.  All of us, including everyone down here.¡±


    ¡°What about the baby?¡± asks Nua, and she nods.  ¡°We¡¯re talking to Marissa and Nerev about that, too.¡±


    ¡°Will you stay with us?¡± asks Penny, looking at Sloan, and she nods.  ¡°I think so, yeah.  At least at first.  Until we can figure out how I¡¯m supposed to talk to you guys down here without Lilly following me and getting to you all.¡±


    ¡°Would we just walk in?¡± I ask softly, looking up at Ava, and she puts her chin on my head, and then nods.  It feels weird.  ¡°Yeah.  We¡¯d just go home.¡±


    ¡°The code works,¡± says Sloan quietly, ¡°unless she¡¯s changed it once I got Bayan.¡±


    ¡°Bayan should stay here,¡± I say softly, and Bayan says, ¡°Don¡¯t start.¡±


    Nua and I both look at him, slightly surprised.  That¡¯s the most irreverent thing he¡¯s ever said to any of us, but Ava just grins a little, and sighs, and says, ¡°Yeah, yeah.  Well, even if she¡¯s changed the code, she won¡¯t lock us out.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll just ring the doorbell,¡± says Penny flippantly, and Ava smiles again, pressing her hand against her chest.  ¡°I mean, if we have to.¡±


    ¡°Abigala will be there,¡± I say softly, and Ava nods.  ¡°Yes, she will.¡±


    ¡°So will Lilly,¡± says Nova quietly, ¡°so you all have to make sure you really want to do this.¡±


    Nua and Ava and Penny and I all look over at Bayan again, and he¡¯s quiet for a moment, and then he says, ¡°I¡¯m not going to send you all back without me.¡±


    ¡°You weren¡¯t the one protecting us,¡± says Penny quietly.  ¡°We were the ones keeping her mind off of you.  Look what happened once we left.¡±


    ¡°Well, you won¡¯t leave this time, will you?¡± asks Bayan, looking at him, and Penny sighs, and then reaches out his hand.  ¡°No.¡±


    Bayan takes it.  ¡°And besides, I¡¯m the only one here who knows how to drive.  Might come in handy.¡±


    Ava laughs, and then says, ¡°Yeah, actually, that¡¯s true.¡±


    ¡°I wanna learn how to drive,¡± says Penny musingly.  Everyone ignores him.  Sigrid says, ¡°When will you be ready to go?  Just so Haywood knows when to start planning the schedule without Sloan.¡±


    I look at Haywood, who¡¯s been quiet this whole time.  He¡¯s sitting on a stool, with Alis standing behind him, his arms wrapped around his neck, and I feel Ava on my lap, Nua leaning against my legs.  Oh, god, I don¡¯t know who has it better, he has Alis and he¡¯s had him for years and years, and they¡¯ve been happy but they¡¯re stuck down here, and I have Ava and Nua but we have to go back, up to the surface, yes, but right into the hands of Miss Lilly LeGatte.  Haywood looks at me, too, and smiles a little, and says, ¡°Let¡¯s give it a few days.  We can send Alicia and Keshi and some others up to see what they can figure out about what she¡¯s been doing lately.  Sloan, you can take it easy for now.¡±


    She twists her mouth, and doesn¡¯t answer save a nod.  Penny says, ¡°Sloan, you could just bring us to the house, you don¡¯t have to come in.¡±


    ¡°I do,¡± she says.  ¡°I can get to Tent City whenever I want, but I can¡¯t get to your house whenever I want, not with the fence and the locks.  I need to set up something with you first before coming back to Shan, not the other way around.¡±


    I think about the locks, the locks that Ava showed me in the foyer, the same day that she told me about Keol.  One of them was hers, she told me, her mother had used them before to lock her in her room, and she wanted Ava to use one on Keol too, to lock him in his room, or at least be able to, whenever she wanted.  But she never did.  Our rooms never locked.  The bathroom didn¡¯t lock either, except from the side of Ava¡¯s bedroom.  My room and Nua never had any privacy, though, and I never even considered the idea that it gave us more freedom than if the doors had been able to lock.


    It¡¯s just the little things, isn¡¯t it, that Ava did.  She tried to do the big things, she married Owen, and she kept him clean, but it didn¡¯t work.  Did her mother wear her down?  Or did she just realize that the big things wouldn¡¯t work?  It was just the fact that Keol could go outside whenever he wanted, and the fact that our rooms didn¡¯t lock, and the fact that she smoked, all the time, that showed her mother that she hadn¡¯t given in yet.  But I don¡¯t know how long she could¡¯ve kept it up.


    ¡°Let¡¯s do day after tomorrow, then,¡± says Ava suddenly, and I snap out of my thoughts.  ¡°What?¡±


    She looks down at me, leaning one of her elbows on my shoulder.  ¡°Where were you?¡±


    I shrug, and she smiles a bit, shaking her hair out of her eyes.  ¡°I actually think we won¡¯t even have to go all the way to the house.  Sloan has noticed that a particular woman hangs around the train station, whenever she passes by.¡±


    ¡°Your mother¡¯s women all have a certain look,¡± says Sloan, and I think of the women in black who put me and Jimmy and all the other boys into a van and took us to Ava before taking the rest away after she chose me.  Ava nods.  ¡°We might just be able to get picked up at the train station.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s just go to the train station,¡± I say quietly, and she looks down at me.  ¡°Day after tomorrow?¡±


    I look up at her, and then down at Nua.  He¡¯s leaning his head back against my knee, looking up at the both of us, and then I nod.  ¡°Day after tomorrow.  We¡¯ll go to the train station.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± says Nua.


    ¡°Okay,¡± says Penny.


    Bayan does not say anything, but Penny looks up at him, and he nods.  Sloan nods too.  ¡°Okay.¡±


    We¡¯re all going back.

 chapter 25

    ¡°What were they laughing about?¡± Nua asks Ava again when we settle into the fire forum that evening after our meeting with Shan, and Ava just shakes her head, smiling a little.  ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±


    Penny grumbles, but he can¡¯t say much because he¡¯s the one carrying the boxes of food.  He hands one out to all of us, and then sits on the ground next to Bayan, and opens his mouth.  But before he can speak, Jimmy and Sina come into the fire forum too, their pinky fingers looped around each others¡¯.  I look up at them from where I¡¯m sitting in between Nua and Ava, and say, ¡°You guys hungry?¡±


    ¡°I wanna talk to you,¡± says Jimmy, looking at me, and I take a deep breath, but smile slightly.  ¡°Okay.¡±


    I stand up, and I go with them.  They¡¯ve heard, probably, that we¡¯re leaving soon.  I won¡¯t let them talk me out of it.  I don¡¯t know if they even think that they can.  But they don¡¯t even take me to their tents; once we¡¯re a little ways away from the fire forum Jimmy stops in the track, turning to me, and says, ¡°I ran away from my wife when she told me she was pregnant.¡±


    I stare at him.  After a few seconds I remember to blink.  ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I have a baby,¡± he says evenly.  I¡¯m aware that my mouth is open, and I say, ¡°I, you, you never told us this, did you ever tell my parents?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± says Jimmy quietly.  ¡°Because I didn¡¯t know if it was mine.  But apparently, she took a test to see which one of her husbands it was, and it was me, and she was looking for me, after I ran away.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why you came here,¡± I breathe.  ¡°That¡¯s why you ran away again.¡±


    He nods.  ¡°And Sina was turning eighteen.  But I, she was gonna find me again, and the agency would just give me back.  But I want to know.  I want my baby.¡±


    ¡°Jimmy,¡± I say softly, and he shakes his head, glancing over his shoulder.  ¡°Marissa and Nerev have their baby, and it¡¯s a boy, and they¡¯re gonna take care of him and he won¡¯t have to do what I had to do.  My baby¡¯s probably a boy too, and it¡¯s not fair, and I don¡¯t want him¡­¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I say gently, and I look at Sina.  He doesn¡¯t say anything, but he looks worried.  He just looks at me, and I say, ¡°What do you want us to do?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re going back,¡± he says softly.  ¡°You¡¯re going back up.¡±  He rubs his lips together, and then he says, ¡°I know you¡¯re going to look for Abigala, and your parents, and I hope they¡¯re okay.  And I know you¡¯re going to try and find a place for Marissa and Nerev.  So I know you¡¯ll be busy.  But can, can you just look?  At least?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯ll be Ava,¡± I say, glancing between him and Sina.  ¡°That¡¯s Ava, I don¡¯t, I don¡¯t know what I can do¡­¡±


    But he looks at me, helplessly, and I take a deep breath.  ¡°Can I tell her?¡±


    And Jimmy sighs, and closes his eyes, and opens them again.  He nods.  ¡°She¡¯ll be able to help.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say softly.


    ¡°Fellner,¡± says Jimmy quietly, almost too quietly for me to hear.  ¡°Alya Fellner.  She¡¯s a real estate agent.¡±


    He smiles a little as he says it, but he doesn¡¯t look happy.  He just looks small.  He¡¯s a father, he¡¯s fifteen years old and he has a child and Ava is twenty years old and Keol should be twenty-four and they should have a child but of course not, of course they never did but Jimmy has.  I nod.  ¡°Okay.  I¡¯ll tell Ava.  Don¡¯t worry about it, okay?¡±


    His eyes ask how it¡¯s possible for him not to worry about it, and I smile a little, and gesture for us to start walking again.  ¡°I promise.  We¡¯ll let you know what we can find, we¡¯ll keep you updated through Sloan.  And if you need to talk to someone once we leave, go to Haywood.¡±


    We¡¯re back by his tent in just a few seconds.  Their hands have gone from just touching pinkies to fully gripping each other, and I see his knuckles go almost white.  Sina hasn¡¯t said a thing this whole time, he¡¯s almost eighteen or he is now, and Jimmy¡¯s just fifteen, he was fourteen when he came to us, but it¡¯s definitely been a year and some months since he did, so his baby is home now, with his wife, Alya Fellner, the woman he ran away from.  And he¡¯s right.  It¡¯s not fair.


    ¡°What¡¯d they want?¡± asks Penny when I go back to the fire forum, and I shake my head, picking up my box of food to sit down again.  Ava just raises her eyebrows, and Penny grumbles again.  ¡°No one answers me.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be a brat,¡± says Ava, taking a bite of her food, and Penny sticks his tongue out at her.


    ¡°What did they say, though?¡± asks Ava when we finally retire for the night, heading back to our tent, and I sigh, opening the flap for her.  She takes off her sweater when she goes in, and I follow Nua too, letting it close behind her.  ¡°Jimmy has a kid.¡±


    She looks over at me, an expression on her face that I don¡¯t understand, and then she takes a deep breath.  ¡°Shit.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say softly.  ¡°He knows it¡¯s his.  He wants to know if it¡¯s okay.¡±


    ¡°Alright,¡± says Ava, lying down on the mat.  ¡°We can look into it.¡±


    Just another thing on the long long list of things to look into.  We¡¯re going back for Abigala, mostly, I think.  But we¡¯re also going back for Ava, because even though she said it was nothing I know that Nua and Bayan and Penny are worried about her stitches.  And we¡¯re going back for my parents.  We¡¯re going back for Nerev and Marissa and baby Julian, and we¡¯re going back for Shan, and everyone down here in Tent City.  And we¡¯re going back for Jimmy¡¯s baby, too.  We¡¯ve got so much to do and no time to do it, and everyone¡¯s acting like there¡¯s nothing wrong with the entire plan.  I can¡¯t be the only one worried about everything, can I?


    ¡°What were they laughing about?¡± whispers Nua again into the dark.  They think I¡¯m asleep, and I don¡¯t know why.  They both usually fall asleep before I do at night, because I stay awake to think about everything happening in the world everywhere, and they¡¯re both much heavier sleepers than I am.  But I¡¯ve come to find that they have a lot of conversations at night, when they think it¡¯s just the two of them, and this is one of those times when they don¡¯t think I can hear.  I know, because Ava sighs, rolling over, and says, ¡°You don¡¯t give up, do you?¡±


    I hear him shrug.  Ava half-laughs, half-sighs, and says, ¡°It was mean.  I was making fun of Aber.¡±


    ¡°Ava,¡± says Nua disapprovingly, and she laughs a little.  ¡°I know, I know, it was mean, don¡¯t tell him, they won¡¯t tell anyone either, they were all making fun of each other and I was there.¡±


    Nua just sighs, but I can tell there¡¯s a smile in it, and I don¡¯t know if I should be offended or not.  Ava just moves a little bit, and her hand brushes against my arm.  I don¡¯t think the lantern¡¯s on and I don¡¯t know if her eyes are open or not, so I don¡¯t know if she sees me smile.


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    The next day she spends with Shan and Sloan, and then she goes to say goodbye to Marissa and Nerev and baby Julian.  They talk for a long while, about what she¡¯s going to do when we go back, and Nua and I sit with Penny in the fire forum.  We don¡¯t say much, but it¡¯s not awkward.  Penny has Nano with him, and he sits on the ground, the dog¡¯s head in his lap, and he strokes her head, plays with her ears, drums his fingers on her nose.  He¡¯s too lost in thought to do anything else.  He¡¯s going home.


    Nano is with him still the next morning when we all gather in Shan.  It¡¯s late, around 6 in the evening, but we slept until past noon.  Then I went to see Jimmy one last time, and then Nua and Ava and I came to find Penny and Bayan and Nano the big black dog in the center of Tent City.  Sloan has her dog Chloe with her too, and Ava looks at the animals when we go in.


    ¡°We¡¯re taking the dogs,¡± says Penny without any introduction, and Ava stares at him, and then looks at Sloan.  ¡°Really?¡±


    She shrugs.  ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°How are they supposed to get out of here?¡± asks Nua incredulously, and Sloan laughs.  ¡°Oh, they go up for walks all the time, we have a little pulley system for them.¡±


    ¡°Mother won¡¯t like dogs in the house,¡± says Ava, and we all look at her.  She looks back at us.  ¡°Isn¡¯t it obvious?  That means of course they¡¯re coming.  Let¡¯s go.¡±


    Penny grins, rubbing Nano¡¯s head.  ¡°Come on, girl.¡±


    Shan is waiting for us outside, and one by one they come to each and every one of us.  Sigrid grins at me, rubbing my head, and Nova smiles at me too.  ¡°You¡¯ll be alright.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I murmur, and then Alis puts his hand on my shoulder.  ¡°If you ever need to run away again, we¡¯ll still be here.¡±


    ¡°Not for long, hopefully,¡± says Ava, and Alis looks at her with a grin.  And then Haywood comes to me, and he gives me a hug.  ¡°You¡¯ll be all right.¡±


    It¡¯s the same thing that Nova said, but he said it in a way that makes me think of my father, and tears almost well in my eyes before I remember why we¡¯re leaving.  We¡¯re leaving to go find my father, for real.  And we¡¯ll be back for all of them, for everyone down here.  Ava¡¯s been talking to them about that, a lot, and Sloan is going to figure out a way to come back and keep communication between us.  And Ava is going to help them get out of here, so they don¡¯t have to live the rest of their lives underground.


    I take a deep breath, and he pulls away, his hands on my shoulders.  I take a deep breath.  ¡°Take care of Jimmy and Sina.¡±


    ¡°We will,¡± says Haywood with a smile, and then glances over at Ava.  ¡°You take care of her.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I say softly, and he squeezes my arms, and then lets go.


    Sloan leads the way again, but this time we go down the southern track.  The tents dwindle, becoming sparse, and only a few people are around to watch us pass.  I walk next to Nua, and Ava walks next to Penny.  The dogs run ahead, chasing their shadows from the lantern Sloan is carrying as we go, a parade down the tunnels under the earth.


    I can smell the sewage river before I can see it.  There aren¡¯t so many tents in the southern track, and that must be why; it reeks.  Nua wrinkles his nose, looking over at me, and I just make a face.  Sloan sees when she glances back, and she grins.  ¡°Almost there.¡±


    Her voice echoes off the walls, and Chloe barks.  It reverberates down the tunnel, and I feel a chill run down my spine.  Ava hangs back a moment, slipping in between Nua and I.  She takes one of our hands in each of her own and squeezes.


    And then we find a rift in the road.  Sloan stops, and we go up to her, looking down.  In the dim light of the lantern I can¡¯t see much, just brown sludge flowing in the canyon, and I wrinkle my nose.  ¡°That¡¯s disgusting.¡±


    ¡°Yup,¡± agrees Sloan, setting the lantern down on the ground.  She snaps her fingers at Chloe and says, ¡°Sit,¡± and the dog does.  Nano does as well, wagging her tail, and Penny grins, petting her head.  ¡°Good girl.¡±


    Sloan goes over to the wall of the tunnel.  It¡¯s gotten narrower as we go, just like the one we came in through, and I see her pick up a plank of wood.  And then she stands it on its end, and it falls, and lands with a thud in the dirt on the other side of the flood.  She turns back to us.  ¡°Walk the plank.¡±


    Ava grins a little, taking her hand, and steps up.


    I feel anxiety bursting in my stomach, and Nua takes my hand again, watching Ava hold her arms out to her side.  The plank is fairly wide, she doesn¡¯t necessarily need to balance, but still I feel fluttering in my gut until she steps onto the ground on the other side.  And then Penny goes, and then he crouches on the ground on the other side and whistles.  Chloe and Nano stand up and one after the other trot dutifully across, and then Sloan gestures for Bayan.  He goes, and then she turns to us.


    ¡°Go ahead,¡± says Nua quietly, and I take a deep breath, and I follow.


    Ava reaches her hand out for me as I approach her, and I take it as I step off the plank, relieved to find solid ground under my feet again as Nua starts across.  Of course, we¡¯re going to climb a ladder in just a few moments, and I take a deep breath to calm my nerves as finally Sloan comes across too.  She jumps onto the ground, brushing her hands together, and Ava squeezes mine.


    And then we¡¯re going to the tunnel to the surface, and we¡¯re climbing, Penny goes first and Sloan goes last and we go one after the other up the metal rungs, and then finally, finally, finally, I¡¯ve been waiting for this, Penny moves the manhole cover out of the way, and sunlight comes flooding down over us, and I take a deep breath again, and then keep climbing.


    The sun is setting.  Ava¡¯s gone ahead of me, behind Penny, and she reaches down and helps me out of the tunnel when I get to the top, and then reaches down for Nua, too.  I rise to my feet, tilting my head back towards the sky.  There are trees around us, but even through the leaves I can feel shafts of warmth washing over me, I¡¯ve missed sunlight, I¡¯ve missed fresh air, and I see the look on Penny¡¯s face when I look over at him, too.  When Ava pulls Bayan out he goes to him and takes his hand, and he smiles.


    Sloan went last, because she had to raise the dogs out of the hole too.  She puts them one by one in a cloth sling, and then pulls a rope on a pulley to get them out.  Nano goes first, and she jumps out, bounding over to Penny.  Chloe comes up a few moments later, and she leaps out as well, and then Sloan comes up, and fixes the manhole cover, and says, ¡°We¡¯re a few blocks away.¡±


    A few blocks?  I haven¡¯t even looked around to where we are.  We¡¯re in a wooded area, not Miss Lilly¡¯s woods, though, I don¡¯t think.  But Sloan knows; she whistles for Chloe, and then jerks her head and starts to walk.  Bayan looks up at the setting sun too, his hand still wrapped in Penny¡¯s, and Ava takes mine and Nua¡¯s again, and we follow.  After a little bit of walking, the dirt under our feet turns to concrete, and we¡¯re on a sidewalk.  I¡¯m not paying attention to where we¡¯re going, there are too many thoughts in my head, I¡¯m thinking about Ava and about Bayan and about Abigala and about Haywood, about my parents and about Jimmy and about the baby and about Miss Lilly, and then we¡¯re at the train station.


    I actually feel a bit of relief in my stomach even as Ava drops my hand.  It¡¯s a place I recognize, a place I¡¯ve been to with Ava by my side, and I see the same look in Penny¡¯s eyes too.  I came here the same day I found out about him, and now I¡¯m with him, him and Nua and Bayan, and Ava too, of course, but this time Keol¡¯s missing.


    I look over at her.  She¡¯s holding her fingers as if there¡¯s a cigarette in between them, and then she cracks her knuckles, looking around.  ¡°Well, let¡¯s sit down, I suppose.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll wait,¡± says Sloan.  ¡°Someone will be here soon.¡±


    There¡¯s not many people here, and none of them pay any mind to us.  We must be a strange crowd of people parading into the train station, but everyone has seen something stranger in the city.  Ava sits down with a sigh, leaning her head back, and Penny sits next to her.  ¡°Now what?¡±


    ¡°Now we wait,¡± says Ava, not opening her eyes.  ¡°Like Sloan said.¡±


    So we wait.  I sit down next to her on the other side, and then one by one Nua, Bayan, and Sloan eventually sit down, too.  Ava has her eyes closed still, and I can see her breaths come slow and even.  They do not hurt her anymore, I don¡¯t think, because of Keol¡¯s heart in her chest.  She does not have any bandages, but I can see the scars traced into her skin.


    Once again, I don¡¯t know how much time passes, but a little while later, after a few trains come and go and people get on and off, a woman approaches us.  Sloan sits up a little straighter as she comes, and I know that this is Miss Lilly¡¯s person.  She¡¯s dressed in all black like the people who took me and the boys away, and she comes to us and stands in front of Ava.  ¡°Ms. LeGatte.¡±


    Ava opens her eyes and looks up at the woman.  She sounds annoyed when she says, ¡°Yes?¡±


    ¡°Your mother has been looking for you.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°Come with me, please,¡± says the woman, and Ava raises her eyebrows.  ¡°Really?   That¡¯s it?¡±


    The woman raises her eyebrows too.  ¡°What else do you want me to say?¡±


    Ava thinks a moment, biting her lip, and shrugs.  She hits her knees with her hands and rises to her feet.  ¡°You know what, I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯ll be coming too,¡± says the woman, jerking her head to all of us, and Ava grins.  ¡°There it is.  Alright, let¡¯s go.  I want to take a shower.¡±


    God, I want a shower too.  We follow the lady to a sleek black car like the one that Ava called for us the day we got trapped in the protest, Penny¡¯s protest.  Ava gets in, and we all pile in after her, and a moment we start to drive.  I wonder if this is the tamest kidnapping this woman has ever done.


    Ava leans her head back, closing her eyes, and I watch her.  She¡¯s sitting in between Penny and Bayan, neither of whom have any expressions on their face.  Nua is drumming his fingers on his knees, and Sloan is just running her hand over the leather of the seat.  I think about Abigala.  We are going to see Miss Lilly, but we are going to see Abigala, too, and my parents soon, hopefully.


    I can feel butterflies in my stomach, and Nua keeps tapping on his knee until I reach out my hand to stop him.  He looks at me, and takes my fingers in his own, and he squeezes a little bit.  Ava is watching, and she smiles a little when I look up at her again.


    It doesn¡¯t take that long for the car to slow to a stop, and I suddenly know exactly where we are.  The air just feels familiar, foreboding, and I do not like it, but the door opens again, and Ava takes a deep breath and then climbs out of the car.  Penny follows, and then Bayan, and then Nua and I.


    And here we are.  We¡¯re home.  We¡¯re standing in front of the huge beach house, and Ava looks up at it, this prison Miss lilly built all for her, and then the front door opens.  Penny jumps, but the woman on the front steps of the house just stares at me.  My breath catches, and her lips part into a smile.  She whispers, ¡°Aber.¡±


    I feel my heart stop for a split second.


    ¡°Abigala.¡±

 post-face

    fear-driven, give and take part 2 is finished and its status has been updated to completed!!!


    there are three parts to this give and take series as a whole, and i wrote them as three books.  so they are quite separate in my mind, with different settings, new characters, and unique plots, summaries, and book covers, so i''m splitting them up into three different fictions on this website.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.