《I'm Out of It》


 I Found It

    ¡° I am writing this journal each day just to see what¡¯s really out there. I heard rumors that this part of the woods tends to have one or two people wander off every few years and not return. If not for how long this has been going on or the clear pattern in place without fail, it could¡¯ve just been chalked up to some animal attacks, runaways, or people being lured in by someone fishy. Either way it wouldn¡¯t hurt to check it out, with preparations of course. I¡¯m bringing a bag, I don¡¯t know what kind but it¡¯s small enough to carry and big enough to bring some minor preparations. I know, I should bring more than I have, but it seems none of the others even had a phone or a snack or even water, I have more than most of them had so whatever¡¯s there could even be taken by surprise, assuming it¡¯s not just a bunch of runaways there after all. Where would they even go there? I don¡¯t think there¡¯s a secret child community in the middle of nowhere, but you never know. I¡¯m putting a break on writing for a bit, my bag is packed and I¡¯m ready to go. I¡¯m taking my phone, a hunting knife, my wallet (never know when you need to walk to the store on the way home), some water bottles and a couple snack bars just in case. That¡¯s nothing much but it¡¯s worth it to bring I think. I¡¯ll continue when I arrive, I don¡¯t expect to see much so I hope it was worth it to start writing at all. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I found it. This definitely has to be where all those people are. I don¡¯t even know how this was hidden by the woods at all. I mean, it can¡¯t be a huge place, but big enough for all those cold cases to fit inside. It¡¯s like a weird colorful little town..or, something smaller than one, but close enough. I don¡¯t know what I was expecting, but this was not it. I see someone nearby, I¡¯m going in, maybe they can help me out here. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I put the journal away for a while so I could talk and get used to this place. The person was a little odd but I¡¯m sure she¡¯s not serious about what she told me, though she did give me a look when I ended up laughing. Not a mean one, but she didn¡¯t really seem to expect that, she seemed younger than me or maybe about the same age so maybe she¡¯s just hooked on some weird stories she was told as a kid and hasn¡¯t been told or found out otherwise yet. I¡¯m just glad the people here speak English. Interestingly, everyone here seemed pretty young - not like an elderly person who somehow ends up looking like they¡¯re in their 20s or 30s, but I¡¯d expect the age range to be about 12-20! It¡¯s not like they¡¯re super healthy here either, though definitely better than the health where I came from. The girl told me her name was Rachel, but she likes to be called Magnolia - I assume she likes flowers, her skirt even resembled one, which she happily confirmed when she saw me glance at it after sharing her nickname. I¡¯m going to write her as Rachel anyways, but I¡¯ll keep in mind to say the one she chose when speaking out loud. Even her shirt helped the look she was going for, it was green against the pink petal-like skirt. She also had on purple boots. Rachel so far seems pretty happy, but I just met her today, so that could be  a reaction or even just an act as far as I know. Of course I can¡¯t expect anything too bad for now, I¡¯m just cautious. After we talked a little, she offered to show me around sometime soon and I agreed. Since the place is pretty big, and I¡¯ve never drawn one before, I won¡¯t be mapping it here. I¡¯ve honestly seen more than enough, so I think after she shows me around I¡¯ll maybe stay one more day and then head out to show someone what I found. I can¡¯t wait to see all of your faces, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll be showing people this once I get out, I¡¯m going to prove I can do things this big all on my own and I¡¯ll get by better than just fine. I¡¯ve still got some space left, on these couple of first pages I¡¯ll update at some point tomorrow when something interesting happens. ¡±


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    ¡ª


    ¡° Something weird happened today. It might not sound that bad, but I swear I saw a lot more people suddenly while it was still night. Like, in random spots, they only seemed confused for a moment when looking around and then completely calm as if that was normal and started walking in different directions. It was late, I couldn¡¯t sleep so I was walking around on my own. Yesterday, Rachel showed me an empty house I could stay in, it¡¯s pretty barren but it¡¯s comfortable, so after I saw all those people I started walking back to it trying to figure out what that was and why it happened.  I asked Rachel about it later, she said something about they must have left for a bit and didn¡¯t come back in time, but didn¡¯t answer when I asked what that meant. She seemed amused by my ignorance. I decided I can try to find out tomorrow, my final day. Luckily this is one of those journals that makes it easy to tear pages out, though not really by design, so I¡¯ll be able to safely and carefully give my used pages to someone who will be able to spread it around better and I can use the rest of this for whatever I want to. Rachel keeps on saying vague things whenever I mention the day I chose to leave, I think she¡¯s trying to get me to want to stay because she says I won¡¯t be gone long. She doesn¡¯t seem very upset for someone who wants to convince someone to stay around, rather merry actually. I guess she¡¯s confident. There¡¯s a lot of amazing architecture for a lot of the buildings she showed me, right next to some more functionally made buildings rather than aesthetically. It was a pretty interesting contrast, but none of it looked bad exactly, it just didn¡¯t blend well. Rachel seems odd, but she¡¯s happy and friendly, so that¡¯s okay until I see otherwise. Not much can happen in three days. That¡¯s all the important stuff that happened today, I don¡¯t have much space left anyways so I¡¯ll try to summarize tomorrow if I can. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° Not much happened today. We chatted a bit. I went to leave and when I said bye Rachel said she had no need to because I wouldn¡¯t be out long. Oh well, I don''t know her well enough to miss her anyways, so I don¡¯t need any sort of closure in a goodbye. So, this is it now, I can¡¯t wait to get home¡­ ¡±

 Im In It

    ¡° What the fuck did I get myself into. I was walking back out, and after like a few hours I got back home. It got late and I went to bed and woke up back in the forest-town-whatever. I know leaving wasn¡¯t a dream or something. I went back out to see Rachel again, she did say something about this numerous times, and she basically responded with an ¡®I told you so¡¯. I don¡¯t understand. I guess this is why nobody comes back then, but nobody¡¯s tried? Somebody¡¯s bound to see one of them venturing out in public. I¡¯m going to find a way out of here. If nothing else this is going to scare my parents real bad, I hope they¡¯re not too worried by now. On the plus side, though, we¡¯re on good terms but just don¡¯t start conversations or make any plans very often, I¡¯ve got at least a week, if I¡¯m lucky a month, to get out before they start worrying. I can¡¯t believe I didn¡¯t even tell them I¡¯m going somewhere.¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m still writing this. I guess it¡¯s a comfort? This was always meant to be seen by everyone, not be trapped in here. I asked Rachel if there¡¯s any way to get out today, and she told me nobody knows for sure what happens but that you don¡¯t want to be the unlucky one who gets kicked out, it wasn¡¯t even that she refused to elaborate but that she couldn¡¯t. She seemed genuinely a little sad about it. I don¡¯t think I want to know what happens. I was pretty gloomy today, but it was a decent day. I asked Rachel how long she¡¯s been here, she said she¡¯d been for about six years now, and that she got here at 16. She told me she still doesn¡¯t know if she should call herself 16 or 22, because the community WAS in fact centuries old, and that the force behind it stopped permanent death and any aging, and the first group that ended up unexpectedly starting it are still the same age as they were when they started it. I¡¯m already losing hope by the second, now that I know people have been here that long without getting out. Living that long sounds enticing, yet terrible at the same time. I can¡¯t believe I got into this. ¡±


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    ¡ª


    ¡° Welp, turns out it¡¯s not just people here. I don¡¯t mean animals, those can come and go from here as they please it seems which was confirmed by Rachel. Some don¡¯t even look like humans, but all of them are at least humanoid, and from what I¡¯ve seen so far and heard they definitely aren¡¯t people. Rachel says her friend liked them and wanted to have them here too, and then told me I¡¯d find out when I asked about this ¡°friend¡±. I don¡¯t like that she tries to be vague. I¡¯m kinda settling down now, not like there¡¯s much of a chance I¡¯ll get to stay out for long, but I¡¯m still going to try to. I can¡¯t wait until I get out of this place, no matter how nice it seems I can¡¯t shake the feeling something¡¯s wrong with it. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I notice that a lot of the not-people look close to humans, like two of them - sisters I¡¯ve heard - would look completely normal if it weren¡¯t for their black legs and feet, plus one of them can actually do something weird I¡¯ve heard. Never met the two, so I don¡¯t know. And a little girl, only her eyes look different, otherwise I would¡¯ve guessed she¡¯s just another normal little kid. I notice a lot of them are young too, so far the ages I¡¯ve been told are 5-19 year olds. I wonder where they came from? ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° The house I¡¯m staying in is still pretty barren. If this takes a while with no luck, I think I¡¯ll at least paint the walls so I don¡¯t have to stare at off-white every time I don¡¯t want to go outside. Other than that, this place is actually quite nice, I like staying in it. I¡¯m glad I got here, but still, I¡¯d rather be back home. I don¡¯t think this place will ever become normal to me, but at least I¡¯m getting used to it. I just want to be back home. ¡±

 Temporary Outings

    ¡° I wish I had my bag with me, Rachel told me people are brought back with whatever they¡¯re wearing and whatever they¡¯re holding or using if it¡¯s not too big. I took my bag off, so I really just have my phone and the same clothes as yesterday that I was just too exhausted to take off. I can¡¯t contact anyone, service cuts off this far in, so if I want to use my phone I have to play the same offline games and a few other apps and downloads, it¡¯s not too bad but I¡¯d rather not use it too much even with what I do have. My phone seems to go right back to about 87% each day, which is odd, but not the most odd thing here. I know I didn¡¯t bring much to begin with but I still would¡¯ve felt more comfortable with more than a not fully charged, even more useless than usual phone. I¡¯m still hopeful I¡¯ll get out without returning, but even if I do, when? If it¡¯ll take a long time, and everything is different, would it even have been worth it to begin with? I guess if I¡¯m here for at least a year I¡¯ll consider giving up since after that there¡¯d be a lot of differences to get used to again. I¡¯m not planning on making friends here unless I give up, so I¡¯m sticking to Rachel for now. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° It¡¯s been a bit. Nothing worth documenting really happened. I think I¡¯m going to mark days I don¡¯t write so I at least can keep track. I think this is my..2 weeks? It hasn¡¯t been much longer than I¡¯ve been writing for. I still have hope that I¡¯ll be able to return home. I actually did leave a couple days ago, kinda forgot to write since avoiding it became a bit of a habit, but I checked my phone once I had service and my parents were already freaking out. I knew since I¡¯d already done it, that I¡¯d just disappear back into that place again, I didn¡¯t know when or why though. I texted them in a group text I was alright, and that that was just going to happen and not to question it. I didn¡¯t tell them, they¡¯d most likely want proof and then I¡¯d either end up convincing them I¡¯m crazy, I¡¯m a liar, or I¡¯d run the risk of getting them stuck too and they actually have friends and lives and routines, so they¡¯d be missing a lot and would be missed by a lot, and I couldn¡¯t do it to them. They were just relieved I was alright. I went to my house, made sure everything was set so nothing would mess up to bad while I was away, and figured I should relax, hold onto whatever I wanted to bring, and I stayed until I think it was midnight when I and the stuff I had came back here. All I really brought with was my phone, that same bag I originally was coming with, and a couple things I would want to have with me like I had some cards for fun, a flashlight, lighter, small but useable stuff like that. This place is actually kinda nice though, I think I¡¯m okay with it, I¡¯ve planned that I will visit biweekly - both definitions, just every other weekends. I need a calender..Wish I remembered that, I¡¯ll get one later. ¡±


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    ¡ª


    ¡° Okay, I got a calendar. It¡¯s a Thursday but I already went back so I¡¯m going with visiting next week. Still a bit bummed - even though I can go back for a bit, it takes so long just to get there, and it¡¯s just not that long to stay. It¡¯s not like I stay the entirety of Saturday and Sunday, I get sent back here and have to walk all the way back again. I can¡¯t work, so I need to make sure I get whatever I need from my house and just enjoy it while I can, because I¡¯d rather save my money for if I need to actually buy something. My parents have to either be satisfied with only a phone call or texts, or come early so we can spend actual time together, but this is much better than never seeing them at all. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I¡¯m still not exactly happy here but I¡¯m enjoying my time. It¡¯s definitely not boring. Apparently everyone¡¯s reasons for coming is usually held as some super personal thing, unless they just happened to wander in. Oh well, I¡¯m not complaining. I¡¯m just glad I get to see my parents. It¡¯s almost not even worth the effort, but I still want to see them sometimes. I just hope I can see them again. This still feels so off to me, I feel in my chest like something bad is happening, not going to happen but actually is happening. If that makes sense. I¡¯m not sure what to call it, I guess I should call it anxiety though since..that¡¯s, like, a thing associated with anxiety right? I don¡¯t actually know. I wonder if there¡¯s a psychologist who happened to find a way in here? ¡±

 Suspicious Residents

    ¡° Nope. No psychologists. Oh well, I¡¯ll just ignore the feeling for now. I wanted to meet new people today, which was a bit uncomfortable because I only know one person here, so I only saw one other besides her. She was friendly, a bit hard to talk to though, said her name¡¯s Veronica. I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯d want to be friends with her, but she¡¯s alright. I¡¯m gonna try to find someone a bit less awkward to talk to, I don''t want to be stuck with just one other person here. ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° There¡¯s a lot of people here. Well, compared to the size of the place, but there can¡¯t be so many and still be this hidden. Most of them seem really friendly though, only a few of them aren¡¯t nice so far. I noticed the more reserved people and the less positive ones are pretty lonely, not by choice, not hated but nobody even checks in with them.. With an entire place made up of such good people, not one wanted to help them and make sure they aren¡¯t going through something. Of course, some don¡¯t mind this, and there¡¯s a percentage of them that the others seem to adore them, but it¡¯s a bit more than just leaving them alone. Rachel even doesn¡¯t seem to want to talk to them, even though I¡¯d be one of them had I not been lucky with who I approached first. It¡¯s kinda weird though, even if I see them try to approach someone they get straight up shunned. ¡±


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    ¡ª


    ¡° There¡¯s a lot of cool buildings here, and other than what I wrote yesterday people aren¡¯t very judgemental at all. I think I like it here, which is a weird feeling since I don¡¯t want to be here the way I am at all. There¡¯s people of all age groups here, not as in their real ages but in whatever age they were frozen in. The whole thing is completely normal to them ¨C I¡¯d expect them to be used to it, of course, but still. None of this feels fully real anymore but I¡¯ll get used to it. Me and Rachel are getting along well which is nice, and next week I¡¯m going out to visit the parents again. I¡¯m glad things are going decently I expected way worse just a few days ago ¡±


    ¡ª


    ¡° I saw some people getting nervous today. I don¡¯t know why. I asked Rachel about it, she didn¡¯t explain. I¡¯m starting to reconsider going to her about these things with how much she refuses to or just can¡¯t tell me. Nobody was exactly in a panic, they tried to act natural, but it was easy to tell. I wonder what¡¯s happening.. ¡±