《Scrambled Eggs》


 Chapter 1

    I stink.


    Anna Marie said aloud in absolute disgust with herself and her complete lack of personal hygiene. Another glaring example of how far she had fallen from the woman she had once identified as. Once upon a time, Anna Marie had been a woman of silk, perfume, and money. Her world used to revolve around visits to the hair salons, shopping trips to the malls, and lavish meals at expensive restaurants. Carrie Bradshaw would have been a close friend of Anna Marie as they balanced on unusually tall high heels. If Carrie could see her now, she would stage an intervention and shove Anna Marie on a show for hoarders. Maybe not quite hoarders, maybe something titled, ¡°Clean Your Damn Apartment and Get In the Shower.¡± Yes, the icon for modern women would be horrified to see how far one of her pupils had fallen from glittery grace.


    Now Anna Marie is bothered by those pesky children running outside laughing and giggling while they enjoy the bright sunny weather. With her vertical blinds tightly shut blocking out any rays of sunlight, she would rather wallow in her own misery in her dark, bleak apartment. Spying out from underneath her soft cashmere blanket, Anna Marie gazed at the mess of wrappers and empty soda bottles strewn on the top of her coffee table. The remnants of her fast-food orders and pop obsession gazed back at her mocking her to get up and throw them into the trash. That seemed too much work, although the vape pen filled with cannabis juice appeared to be a much easier option. All this worrying about garbage stressed Anna Marie; she needed to relax. As she grabbed for the mechanized stick of pot, she clumsily bumped her only picture frame off the table and onto the floor.


    Stretching her arm out from under the covers, Anna Marie leaned down from her nesting spot on the couch to pick up the five-by-five picture frame. Pulling herself upwards with the frame in hand, she had a chance to take a good look at the image. Staring back was a doppleganger of herself, five foot four, long brown hair except this version of herself was smiling as she held hands with an equally smiling man with sandy-blonde hair. Kevin, her ex-husband and Anna Marie smiling in a picture taken on their wedding day. Holding the frame, Anna Marie squeaked in shock seeing a happier version of herself. Tears instantly formed in her eyes and fell down her cheeks as quick as a flash flood. Gasping for air, loud sobs echoed from her throat as her chest pain returned. Now embroiled in a full emotional panic attack, Anna Marie tried to gingerly slide the picture frame of the happy couple back onto the coffee table amid the empty foil packages and plastic soda bottles.


    In a moment, heartbreak added to the list of disgust and failure Anna Marie held against herself. The breakdown of her marriage had been the final straw of defeat which caused Anna Marie to collapse. Too many failures in a short period of time had defeated Anna Marie to the woman she was today. Losing her career, losing her chance to have children, and losing her marriage caused Anna Marie to lose her mind. And if anyone had the gall to tell Anna Marie to get back and up and fight for her life, she was fully prepared to fight back. She could hit them with all the reports from those expensive doctors that listed all of her faults such as Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, severe chronic depression, severe anxiety, suicidal ideation and a partridge in a pear tree. All the high-priced psychologists and psychiatrists had come to the same conclusion. Anna Marie is broken.


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    The unanimous conclusion from the doctors was that Anna Marie had been broken somewhere on the path of life. It could have been from her neglectful parents who forgot she existed until she had become a mouthy teenager. The family joke between her parents and her two older brothers was Anna Marie was the child her parents had to save the marriage. News flash ¨C she didn¡¯t. Anna Marie¡¯s parents hated each other but surprisingly stayed together because getting divorced and being happy was just plainly overrated. Best to stay married, hate each other and sleep in separate bedrooms. Problem solved. Or there was the strong possibility that her older brother (eleven years older than her and now currently deceased) had molested her when she was younger, and she did not remember. She didn¡¯t exactly have one hundred percent proof, but Anna Marie added up some incredibly odd dots and concluded he probably molested her. She began masturbating at the age of six, she refused to sleep through the night in her own bedroom and slept with her parents for early childhood, and she did not remember one particular traumatic event that happened in front of all five family members. And this traumatic event changed the course of everyone¡¯s life, and for some reason Anna Marie could not recall it. Not to mention she first mentioned committing suicide one year after the event at the tender age of seven years old. For Anna Marie, the cumulation of all these family problems more than likely caused her to become crazy. And probably the root cause of her inability to hold down a job, carry a child or keep a husband. Yep, broken. Didn¡¯t I have that mechanized pot stick? Anna Marie jumped up from the couch to search the carpeted floor for her vape containing cannabis.


    Aha!! Locating the vape pen was the only thing to brighten Anna Marie¡¯s mood. Too much thinking about her current problems of health, family and marriage needed to be eradicated as quickly as possible. Taking one long drag off the vape pen, Anna Marie instantly relaxed as she inhaled the smoke. Bad feelings gone. With a couple more puffs, she sat up slightly on the couch and forgot her troubles. Blowing out a smoke ring, Anna Marie fixated on the ridiculously handsome man on her television screen with perfect dark hair, chiseled jaw, and striking blue eyes. Even though the volume on the television was muted, she still watched him intently forgetting all her troubles. Watching him, Anna Marie could even forget that she had not showered in three whole weeks. No, she was already gone into her dream world.


    The people she was closest to in the world did not even know Anna Marie¡¯s dirty little secret. Her dream world. Some people may call it maladaptive daydreaming, but for Anna Marie this dreaming made her life bearable, and lately she had spent every waking moment engrossed in it. In her dreams, Anna Marie was younger, thinner and prettier. Anna Marie turned into Savannah, an actress slash singer slash dancer that was incredibly funny and incredibly kind. Of all of Anna Marie¡¯s different persona¡¯s, they all had to be the same and had a heart of gold ¨C sweet, loving and kind to all God¡¯s people and creatures alike. The only thing that changed was the face of her man who would become the great love of Savannah¡¯s life. And right now, the man whom Savannah/Anna Marie loved more than life itself was Calvin Hunter. Tall, dark, handsome who would protect the love of his life, Savannah while throwing out some wisecrack comments now and then. And Anna Marie had all of Calvin Hunter¡¯s movies and television shows. Reaching out, Anna Marie picked up her headphones, slid them on and played music and drifted off into her dream world. Yes, Anna Marie¡¯s brains were scrambled eggs.

 Chapter 2

    ¡°I told you how you hurt me baby


    But you don¡¯t care


    Now I¡¯m crying and deserted baby


    But you don¡¯t care¡±


    Tears glistened on Anna Marie¡¯s cheeks as she listened intently to the lyrics of the Beyonce song.  Poor Savannah loved Calvin Hunter with all her heart, and he was carelessly throwing his wife away.  Calvin was far away from his wife as he was shooting on location in Arizona for the next science fiction blockbuster Binary Blitz.  Calvin, starring as hunky hero Morton Franklin, had been duped by his fellow co-stars that he was in danger of being blacklisted in the industry by Savannah¡¯s family.  Well, adopted family.  Poor Savannah did have her biological parents, but they did not truly care for her.  And Savannah, sweet and charming had been lovingly adopted by the Blackford family.  Henry Blackford, her adopted father basically owned and operated the movie studios in Tinseltown.  Although Savannah did not need any extra help as she was an incredibly talented actress, singer, and dancer.  A triple threat.


    Anyhow Calvin¡¯s co-stars on his latest film convinced the na?ve hunk that Henry Blackford was secretly out to destroy his career out of sheer dislike for their adopted son-in-law.  And Calvin, angry at the betrayal had gone to his lawyers and had divorce papers drawn up against Savannah.  And innocent Savannah, unaware of the whole situation, was devastated by her husband¡¯s abandonment and at worst fearing he had developed an attraction to his gorgeous co-star Elizabeth Parlon.  Wiping away tears with the back of her hand, Anna Marie whimpered, ¡°Oh Calvin, how could you think Savannah would ever hurt you?¡±  Faces fell in place as she watched the movie playing on the screen in front of her and the screen in her mind.


    The emotions in the song Anna Marie could easily pick out and played straight into Savannah¡¯s pain.  And Anna Marie acutely felt her character¡¯s heartbreak of Calvin dumping Savannah.  But she could not have the story for Savannah end here; her muse deserved a happy ending.  Being dumped by her soulmate because other people¡¯s jealousy was an unfair situation.  Savannah had been abandoned by her biological family even though she was a great person who gave to others selflessly.  And here was her husband ready to toss her out as garbage.  No, the story could not conclude that way.  She needed to change Calvin¡¯s mind; therefore, she needed to find a song sung by a male voice that felt regret for tossing away the woman he loved.


    Wait, an idea popped into Anna Marie¡¯s head.  Calvin¡¯s agent would invite him out for a luncheon where they would bump into the distinguished Hollywood icon, Connor Maxwell.  During this chance meeting, Connor Maxwell would ask Calvin about his wonderful wife Savannah and express his disdain upon Calvin at the thought of divorce.  Connor Maxwell would caution Calvin on making a rushed informed decision, and the well-connected award-winning actor calls acclaimed director Buddy Farlan.  During this telephone call, the Oscar nominated director would clear the air on these supposed rumours proving Calvin¡¯s co-stars were only trying to mislead him.  A distraught Calvin realizes he jumped to conclusions about his wife and her adopted family.


    Understanding the gravity of his mistake, Calvin rushes out of the restaurant and calls his attorney while impatiently waiting for the valet to drive his silver convertible towards him.  With one hand holding his cellphone to his ear, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a couple hundred dollar bills and pushes them into the valet¡¯s hands.  Calvin still needs to be polite and caring to other human beings even though he is extremely wealthy.  Savannah would never be with a man who did not love his fellow human beings.   Hurriedly climbing into his vehicle, Calvin shouts into the phone instructing his lawyer to tear up the divorce papers.  Now the distraught actor had to find Savannah and beg for her forgiveness.  Ooh¡­Anna Marie needed to think of a good song to reflect Calvin¡¯s remorse on his actions.


    An annoying buzzing sound emanated from the couch cushions besides Anna Marie.  She huffed rolling her eyes, frustrated with the annoying interruption.  Normally she would just ignore the buzzkill of her phone, but if it was who Anna Marie thought ¨C the calls would never stop.  Anna Marie¡¯s mother stubbornly would not just leave a message, the elderly woman would hang up and call again and again.  One time out of spite Anna Marie would not answer her mother¡¯s call, and the old woman rang her seventeen times in a row.  Life was just easier if Anna Marie spoke to her mother.  But¡­.she would have to find the phone first.  The brunette moved a couple empty foil burger wrappings, used tissues for crying over Savannah¡¯s heartbreak and odd scraps of paper listing her appointment dates for her therapist.


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    Throwing papers up in the air, Anna Marie had trouble spotting the black phone on the dark blue couch with zero sunlight coming from the windows during midday.   The buzzing sound stopped and panic set in Anna Marie¡¯s heart.  Mother gets irritated when she doesn¡¯t answer right away.  Counting the seconds in her head, Anna Marie in an act of desperation lay her hands flat on the cushions and felt around.  Just around twenty seconds, the buzzing started again.  Aha! She found the phone, but her elation soon faded as she noticed the front screen listed her missed calls and realizing this call was the twelfth attempt.  Taking a deep breath, Anna Marie ran her finger up to answer the call and cautiously spoke. ¡°Hello?¡±


    A female voice replied gruffly.  ¡°About time.  Why are you not answering my calls?  Are you doing okay?  Are you in trouble? Anna Marie, are you high?¡±


    Uh-oh, she knew.  Realizing right off the bat that this would be a grilling, Anna Marie decided getting up and pacing would be the best way to avoid a panic attack.  Best to answer with honesty.  ¡°No, Mom.  I am not high.¡±  Or not. Best to grovel. ¡°I just noticed you were trying to reach me.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I have been.  All morning.  You have me and your father worried sick. We were thinking of calling the police for a welfare check.¡±  A pause on the line. ¡°What were you doing?¡±  As Anna Marie struggled to stand up from the couch, she gritted her teeth.  Welfare checks by the police were just embarrassing as it has happened a few times here and there since she moved to this apartment building.  Slightly humiliating trying to explain to the cops that she was just in a bad funk.  For Anna Marie, a bad funk was just this ¨C weeks without moving from the apartment, not eating and staying in the same clothes for the last two or three weeks.  Walking around her couch, panic struck Anna Marie. What day was it?  Had she missed any appointments with her therapist or psychologist.  They get REALLY upset with her.


    ¡°Anna Marie?  Are you even listening to me?¡±  Her mother¡¯s angry voice cut through her thoughts.


    ¡°Huh?  Mom, yeah¡­everything is good.  I am just¡­you know...busy.¡±  A dark wave of depression swept over Anna Marie.  This was not the way she thought it would be when she moved into her new apartment.  Four months ago, she was living with her parents in their tiny two-bedroom apartment and sleeping on their couch.  Anna Marie expected her mood would improve once she got into her own space, but obviously not much had changed with her depression.  Feelings of sadness caused tears to form again in her eyes.  These bad funks just kept proving Anna Marie¡¯s sense of failure.  Couldn¡¯t hold down a job, couldn¡¯t keep her husband and couldn¡¯t make her parents proud.


    ¡°Anna Marie?  What is wrong with you?  This is why you shouldn¡¯t smoke that stuff.¡±


    Too much.  All of this sadness was now too much for Anna Marie.  Whimpering on the phone, she stated. ¡°Hey Mom, can I just let you go.  Tomorrow will be better.  I promise.¡±  She lied.  She didn¡¯t think anything can get any better.  The song for Calvin.  She needed to think of the song for Calvin.  Boyz II Men.  You can never go wrong with Boyz II Men songs.  Needing to get back to her story, she mimicked a happy tone to her mother on the other line. ¡°Can I just let you go Mom? I need to get into the shower.¡±  Another lie.


    ¡°Fine.  Just answer your phone next time.¡±  Anna Marie could hear her mother continue with her goodbyes, but she couldn¡¯t bear to hear the disappointment in her tone.  She was a terrible daughter.  Maybe it would be better off if she wasn¡¯t here at all.  No, she couldn¡¯t think like that.  Calvin and the song.  With tears sliding down her cheeks, she plopped back on the couch and searched her music playlist for Boyz II Men songs.  Nope, nope, nope ¨C found it.  On Bended Knee ¨C perfect song for Calvin and Savannah.  Anna Marie hit play on the song and gazed at the actor on her television as the lyrics played.


    Darlin¡¯ I, I can¡¯t explain


    Where did we lose our way


    Girl, it¡¯s drivin¡¯ me insane


    And I know, I just need one more chance


    To prove my love to you


    If you come back to me


    I¡¯ll guarantee


    That I¡¯ll never let you go

 Chapter 3

    I remember when


    I remember, I remember when I lost my mind


    There was something so pleasant about that place


    Even your emotions have an echo in so much space


    And when you¡¯re out there without care


    Yeah, I was out of touch


    But it wasn¡¯t because I didn¡¯t know enough


    I just knew too much


    Crazy, Gnarls Barkley


    Slouching on the couch, Anna Marie stretched her legs out on the chaise lounge portion of the sofa. Preparing to purchase this exact type of couch occupied her mind for two straight years.  She researched the type of couch she wanted, investigated prices, and visited several websites that sold household furniture.  And Anna Marie kept repeating this same cycle repeatedly until her therapist told her to stop obsessing about the sofa.  Just another symptom of how her mind ran marathons on its hamster wheel.  This type of thinking proved useful in her late teens and early adulthood when it came to studying or learning new processes.  But as she aged, this type of thinking became less helpful and more of a hindrance.  God forbid, something bad happened at work on Friday as she would easily spend the following weekend stressing and replaying said unfortunate event.  Her therapist explained it was part of Anna Marie¡¯s streak of perfectionism but never really offered concrete methods on how to stop the hamster wheel run.


    It really bothered Anna Marie why she did not have any specific answer on why she was so broken.  Throughout her life, she could point out to stupid and weird stuff she had done in her younger years.  But where did it come from?  Why did she have zero memory of the car accident?  The car accident and the events that transpired after which changed her entire family, but Anna Marie had zero recollection of the crash.  Anna Marie was supposedly in the car. Her older brother was driving, apparently drunk as usual and from what she was told by everybody else ¨C crashed it into another car.  Anna Marie¡¯s parents and middle brother rushed out, and this part of the story varied from person to person.  Her middle brother says that her father punched out her older brother.  Anna Marie¡¯s mother stated that her father slapped her older brother.  And at the point everybody¡¯s life changed in one way or another.  And this life changing event ¨C Anna Marie had zero memory of it.  And the ugliness behind the accident.  Anna Marie believed the reason why she couldn¡¯t recall the accident is because her older brother might have molested her before the accident and taken her out for ¡°Ice Cream¡± to quieten her.


    And then Anna Marie began her decade long stage of ¡°bouncing¡± where she would rock back and forth bashing her head off the chair or sofa cushion.  She began ¡°bouncing¡± when she was six years old and basically continued it until she was fourteen years old.  Anna Marie could ¡°bounce¡± all day long if given the chance, and she had broken the couch twice in fact.  It couldn¡¯t be normal, but doctors just shooed it away that it was an anxiety thing.  Anna Marie still wondered if it could be considered stimming, but that idea had been shot down by her doctors.  She had asked the doctors several times if she could be on the autism spectrum due to the stimming, anxiety and her sensitivity to noises and motion.  But then Anna Marie watched one movie with cannabis use and an ongoing joke of one strain called ¡°I¡¯m Autistic.¡±


    Gazing out at the television, Anna Marie clicked back into reality.  The hamster is on the wheel running the marathon.  She was overthinking again.  Anna Marie needed a glass of pop and a smoke to calm her nerves.  Pushing her blanket off her, she stepped foot onto the rugged floor and crossed over into the kitchen.  The perfect thing about her cozy bachelor apartment was how little she had to travel towards the kitchen, bathroom, and her bed.  Choosing to sleep on her couch, Anna Marie¡¯s bed seemed particularly useless.  Striding to the refrigerator, she pulled it open allowing the fridge light to illuminate the pitch blackness of the apartment.  It wasn¡¯t day anymore but roughly after two in the morning as Anna Marie had successfully twisted her daytime and nighttime schedules together.  Frowning, she swore to herself as she pulled out the last bottle of pop.  This would mean she would have to go outside.  Outside into the real world.  It was only a short fifteen-minute walk to the convenience store, but Anna Marie did not want to be out among people.  It would only make her feel more broken, and she probably smelled.


    Sadness flooded Anna Marie as she walked glumly back over to her home base ¨C the sofa.  Plopping down on the cushions, she pulled the cashmere blanket over and began searching her coffee table for a half-decent used cup.  Picking one up after another and peering inside, Anna Marie growled until she found a large pink cup last used for pop consumption. It was nothing new for her to have the dirty dishes pile up on her.  Her ex-husband Kevin would come home from work and flip out on her for not taking care of the dirty dishes.  Kevin never understood how the simplest of tasks felt impossible for Anna Marie.  And that including getting in the shower as well.  One of her social workers, who tried to get Anna Marie back to work unsuccessfully, had stated that for some patients showering once a week was the best they could do.  But Kevin did not even attempt to learn about her conditions, and one day he came home from work and asked her for a divorce.


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    Well, if Anna Marie is honest.  The dishes were only part of the problem.  The several failed suicide attempts including the ¡°incident¡± drove Kevin away from her, and into the arms of his co-worker.  Well, again if Anna Marie is honest, he had a passing fancy for the woman.  Kevin swore him and his co-worker never crossed the line into a physical affair.  But an emotional affair was just as damaging to Anna Marie.  She wondered if men could be faithful, but wait a minute Anna Marie can¡¯t really speak about this.  Her biggest secret she kept hidden was she was officially married when she met Kevin.  Pot.  She needed more pot.  But Anna Marie dropped large hints she wanted out of the marriage.  Introducing him as her ¡°first husband¡± was one of those hints.


    And she never actually lied to her first husband, who shall remain nameless.  He was gone for a month-long trip, and when he came back home Anna Marie asked for a divorce as she met Kevin.  She left him for another man, but she never cheated behind her back.  But that did not stop first husband from telling all the neighbours about her ¡°affair¡± and her boss and coworkers.  First husband turned out to be incredibly spiteful and emptied the house of all its furniture leaving Anna Marie with zip.  And she took all his slandering and destroying of her reputation, because Anna Marie wanted out of that marriage badly.  The man was incredibly manipulative ¨C hiding her bank card in the freezer.  The first husband, her high school sweetheart, would be laughing hysterically now at her situation.


    And I guess it only served Anna Marie right that Kevin fell for another woman while he was married to her.  Guess she got what she deserved.  Karma after all.  So, great she was a cheater who probably got what she deserved, probably sexually abused by her older brother, probably her parents did not love her.


    And she had problems with trying to carry a pregnancy ¨C even hemorrhaging with one miscarriage almost killing her.  And with a long list of mental health diagnoses that pointed she was crazy.  Anna Marie feels like such a failure.  Maybe it would have been better if she wasn¡¯t even born.  And she was now beginning to research into the Canadian MAID Act, the right to die.  Mental illness was being added on March 17, 2023, and she has been waiting impatiently for this opportunity.  Of all of her failures in life, maybe this is the one thing Anna Marie could get right.  Just get something right for a change.  She didn¡¯t want to live anymore.  How could she?  What if she tried to date again?  She would have to be honest with another partner, and they would run for the hills if she told him the full truth about herself.  No, Anna Marie couldn¡¯t bear another day on this earth.  She could feel a panic attack creeping up prepared to have her burst into tears.  No, she had to stop it.  Calvin and Savannah.  She could fall into their story.  Their perfect story of love and hope.


    Grabbing the remote, she began playing another one of Calvin Hunter¡¯s films on a streaming service.  Anna Marie gasped for breath pushing her emotions down, pushing them down into non-existence.  Savannah, the perfect woman ¨C a kind, loving woman without all of the flaws of Anna Marie.  Where was she in the story?  Oh yes, Calvin and Savannah reconciled and came out of this whole situation more in love than before.  Only to find out that, yes, indeed, Savannah¡¯s adopted family was trying to destroy her husband¡¯s reputation.  But Calvin and Savannah united with all very successful writers, directors and actors to push back against her adopted family¡¯s¡­..


    Bzzzz.  Bzzzz.  Anna Marie let out a noise of frustration.  Why would her mother call her now?  She had just spoken to the woman and told her she was very busy.  Angrily, Anna Marie grabbed the phone off the couch and answered gruffly, upset about being interrupted daydreaming. ¡°Hello.¡±


    A no-nonsense male on the other end of the line asked. ¡°Is this Anna Marie Spencer?¡±


    Wondering if this could be a telemarketer, Anna Marie responded carefully.  ¡°Yes, may I ask who is speaking?¡±


    ¡°Not important.  Listen carefully¡­.¡± A pause on the line. ¡°How do I say this? Anna Marie Spencer, you might want to get a hold of these movies I am going to tell you about.  Yeah, watch these movies.  And you might find them a little upsetting¡­..¡± Another pause. ¡°But you need to know.¡±


    Confused by the whole exchange she responded. ¡°What are you talking about?  What do I need to know?¡±


    ¡°Ms. Spencer, watch these movies.  Tower Yard, Campout, Light Burns Brighter at Night¡­..are you writing these down?¡± The male voice asked irritatingly.


    In a daze, Anna Marie reached out to the coffee table to the first sheet of paper and a pen. ¡°I have paper.  I am writing them down.¡±  Her mouth repeated out the movies he first listed. ¡°What is going on?¡±


    ¡°Never mind that. Keep writing.  Not Very Good Gentleman, Friday Night Blues, Leprechaun Disaster, Library Bibliotech¡­.¡±  Anna Marie desperately scratched down all the names he mentioned.  She had heard of some of these movies, but they were not in the same genre she liked.


    ¡°And Ms. Spencer.  Do you have a bible?¡±


    Shocked by the question, she answered. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Good.  Read it.¡±


    And I find it kind of funny


    I find it kind of sad


    The dreams in which I¡¯m dying are the best I¡¯ve ever had


    I find it hard to tell you ¡®cause I find it hard to take


    When people run in circles, it¡¯s a very, very


    Mad world


    Mad world


    Mad world


    Mad World¡±


    Mad World By Tears for Fears

 Chapter 4

    Perfect by nature


    Icons of self-indulgence


    Just what we all need


    More lies about a world that


    Never was and never will be


    Have you no shame? Don¡¯t you see me?


    You know you got everybody fooled


    Everybody¡¯s Fool by Evanescence


    Staring at the scribbling on the paper, Anna Marie replayed the telephone call again in her mind to confirm it truly happened.  In what universe would a strange guy call in the middle of the night and demand she watch movies?  It would be similar if Anna Marie dialed a random number and tell the other person on the line to order food from these restaurants.  Was this a psychotic break?  Had she lost her mind again?  She stared at the list of films written down.  Sure, she had heard of them, but these movies were bro comedy flicks.  Nothing she would ever watch.  This had to be a couple teenagers pulling a prank call in the middle of the night.  Just like when she was a teenage girl and called someone asking if their refrigerator was running.  Yes, you had probably go catch it.  Okay, random guy, she would take the bait and watch the first movie on the list ¨C Tower Yard.


    Watching the screen intently, she mumbled to herself disappointed she was watching a raunchy male comedy geared towards teenage boys.  Logos passed, cue rock song full of angst and then characters rolling onto the screen with the typical bodily function jokes.  Fifty minutes had passed and Anna Marie was ready to pull her hair out when a female character entered the plot that funny enough looked similar to Anna Marie.  Her blood ran cold as the hair, the clothes and the style of speech mimicked her perfectly.  Gulping, she drew closer to the television and turned the volume up to hear the dialogue.  Annabelle¡­the characters name was Annabelle, and the character was portrayed as an uptight bitch turning down the advances of the male lead.  There was no way this could be legal.  Anna Marie had to call someone, but who should she call?


    As the female doppleganger of Anna Marie left the screen, she picked up the remote and fast forwarded the movie until her carbon copy reappear.  And she did, at the end, when a ton of spaghetti fell in her convertible car and all over her.  Cursing and screaming as all the bros stood around and laughed.  There is no way this could be Anna Marie.  It had to be just a weird coincidence.  Picking up the piece of paper, she scanned down the list for the next movie ¨C Not Very Good Gentleman.  Same type of film as before and same type of uptight girl who¡­.oh great¡­.showed her boobs.  Anna Marie rolled her eyeballs so far back in her head as the once cold blood began to boil.  Throwing down the remote control and standing up, Anna Marie released quite a few swear words while pacing in front of her couch.


    And that was only two films.  What would her mother think if she saw this?  No, it had to be a mistake, just a coincidence.  Movie studios could not legally portray a real person, could they.  There is the disclaimer at the end of the credits stating any resemblance to real or dead people was just coincidence.  Nobody in their right mind would take the chance and get sued.  Anna Marie was just jumping to conclusions, just like her therapist stated she had a habit of doing.  Or she is in the middle of some hallucination brought on with too much pot use.  But the guy on the phone asked if she had a bible.  She did.  Why did she need a bible?  What else was shown on these other movies?


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    And Anna Marie did what she knew best ¨C break down in hysterical sobs.  How could someone do this to her?  Didn¡¯t they know her history with suicide attempts or her history with losing her babies.  Or her history of mental illnesses?  Or her history of severe depression?  Or any one of the horrible things that had happened to her in the last five years?  Wasn¡¯t this kicking an already sick and mangy dog?  This was inhumane.  Gasping for air with large tears pouring off her face, Anna Marie fell face down onto her couch.  And her neighbour showed his concern by banging repeatedly on the floor and screaming for her to Shut up!  The hamster in her mind sprinted on her wheel.  What should she do?  Call her mother?  No, she would tell her that she¡¯s just making this up in her mind.


    Then the stranger¡¯s words came back to Anna Marie about the Bible, and she slid off the couch and crawled over to her bookcase located on the right of the television.  Her fingers slid down the spines until she spotted her Bible.  It was given to her when she stayed at the halfway house for mentally ill patients.  Pulling it out with her hands, she flipped open the Bible and began flipping pages.  She found herself in the book of Daniel and stopped to read about Daniel chapter six when he was thrown in the den with the lions.  It explained how King Darius had commanded the people that if they prayed to God instead of the King that they would be thrown into the den of lions.  And Daniel continued to pray to God three times a day, and he was discovered and thrown in with the lions.  But God sent an angel and closed the mouths of the lions.  Anna Marie¡¯s tears began to cease.  She felt better.  She felt comforted.


    Then it dawned on Anna Marie that God had known what she went through.  He saw everything, and HE knows everything that happens.  Closing the Bible, Anna Marie held it close to her chest.  She crawled back to the couch, found the remote she had thrown and shut off the television.  Opening her laptop, she searched for God¡¯s Motivational Videos, and a video popped up about trusting God.  The video began describing different types of losses people could endure.  Death of family, a lost marriage, and the loneliness that can follow.  The voice and the words pulled Anna Marie in as she identified with it. It didn¡¯t happen the way I wanted.  Kind of hit a nerve with her as she all these things happening that she wasn¡¯t happy about.  God has your best interest at heart. Anna Marie questioned to herself.  God loves me?  Even though I am broken?


    And then the next line hit Anna Marie.  Faith is trusting God when you don¡¯t understand. She sure didn¡¯t understand how her likeness ended up on the screen, but Anna Marie could feel herself calming down.  Another video about God showed on her screen, and she clicked it earnestly.  Bad times doesn¡¯t mean that God is angry with you. Struggles are meant to develop you. At first Anna Marie balked at this statement.  All the struggles and pain she went through ¨C did God not care?  Why didn¡¯t he stop it?  Then her answer came loud and clear in the video.  A bird cannot fly without the force of the wind.  God never promised us a life without struggle, but God can comfort us through the troubles.


    I will show you love like you¡¯ve never loved before


    I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word


    ¡®Cause you will come alive again, call the trying times your friend


    Pain that you have suffered through never get the best of you


    You will hope in something real, won¡¯t depend on how you feel


    When you call my name then I will answer, answer


    ¡®Cause I am on your side though the wind and waves beat against your faith


    And you were on my mind when the world was made


    Trust in me my child, trust in me my child


    I Will Show You Love by Kendall Payne

 Chapter 5

    Anna Marie stumbled out of the cab as her feet buckled attempting to balance on her high heels.  Landing on her knees on the uneven sidewalk into a puddle, Anna Marie muttered a few choice swear words.  Absolute pain shot from her kneecaps as she tried to rest her weight on her hands beside her on the pavement.  With the world still spinning from all those martinis, Anna Marie pushed herself back onto her feet.  Blood from her skinned knees mixed with her torn black pantyhose as she gazed at her dirty hands before wiping them onto her beige overcoat.  The yellow taxi did not wait to check if she was okay but instead drove off down the street.  Pissed off at the cab driver¡¯s insensitivity, Anna Marie shouted to the taillights. ¡°I¡¯m fine, thanks for asking!¡±


    ¡°Jerk.¡± She muttered before turning back to her building and the impending staircase leading to the door.  Holding onto the handrail, Anna Marie slowly rose each step nursing her skinned knees until she reached her front door.  Clumsily, she pulled her keys out from her purse and took several passes trying to slip the key into the lock.  On the fourth attempt, Anna Marie succeeded in unlocking the front door and then entered the flat.  Light from the streetlamps shone through the etched glass windows slightly illuminating the foyer for Anna Marie.  With a less than graceful move, she allowed her coat to slide off her arms and fall on the floor while she kicked off her high heels across the hallway.  She strode over to the home¡¯s circular staircase and decided to go down the stairs into the basement.


    Gazing down the round staircase, Anna Marie could see perfectly as she lifted a foot to the first step downwards.  And then all the light extinguished causing Anna Marie to be left in the pitch blackness.  Terrified she was going to fall down the staircase with her foot in midair, Anna Marie cautiously lowered her foot trying to find the first step.  Not finding it and still harboring fear of going head down the stairs, Anna Marie returned her one foot beside the other and slowly slid down onto her hands and knees.  Once she was on all fours, she slid her hand on the floor trying to gauge where that step could be in the darkness.  But she felt the floor as it continued straight when she knew logically it could not.  ¡°What?¡± She murmured as she kept feeling around.


    That is when it dawned on Anna Marie that this wasn¡¯t her house. She had never been in this house before.  And where was she coming back from?  Anna Marie hadn¡¯t dresses up and gone out for the night since long before the divorce.  Where was she?  And where did the stairs go?  A small white light appeared on her right-hand side shining like a motorcycle high beam.  With the light, Anna Marie could see the staircase was gone, and she was on the floor in a large empty room.  Standing up to face the bright light, Anna Marie put a hand up in front of her to shield her eyes.  ¡°Hello?¡± She called out with just an echo heard.  A loud booming voice called out across the room. ¡°Anna Marie Spencer!¡±


    ¡°Present¡± She answered as if back in primary school.  With her hand still up shielding her eyes, she looked down at her feet to see bright red emanating from in between the floorboards.  Anna Marie heard evil cackling from under the floorboards.  Nervously, she called out in the direction of the loud voice. ¡°Is this about my vaping in the apartment?  Because I was assured by the guy at the store it is supposed to smell like berries?¡±  The red glow from below her shone brighter as the floorboards began shaking and moving as the sounds of laughter grew.  Gruesome hands broke through the hardwood and grabbed at Anna Marie¡¯s legs.   Starting to scream, Anna Marie jumped up from her bed and ran forward until she smacked her stomach in the couch.  Eyes wide open, Anna Marie gasped for breath repeating to herself. ¡°God is real.  God is real.¡±  And what scared her more than knowing that God was real was that meant the devil was real.  She climbed over the couch to get her hands on the Bible she had left on a couch cushion.


    She needed to know the basics to start with.  Breaking the Ten Commandments is bad, and she could not remember all of them.  Anna Marie had to check it out for herself.  Flipping through the Bible, she couldn¡¯t locate them upon demand.  Grabbing her laptop, she opened the lid and typed into the search engine for the commandments.  Up popped a screen and she read aloud.


    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.


    ¡°No other Gods before God, don¡¯t make or worship idols, don¡¯t take the Lord¡¯s name in vain, remember Sabbath day and keep it holy, honor father and mother, no murder, no adultery, no stealing, no bearing false witness and no coveting.¡±  Anna Marie paused. ¡°What does coveting mean?¡± Searching the definition, her stomach fell to her knees. ¡°Desiring or longing something or somebody that does not belong to you.¡±  Such as coveting after Calvin Hunter and all the other celebrities she used in her storied dreaming.  ¡°Great, I am a big sinner.¡± Anna Marie said as she lay across her sofa defeated.  How many male celebrities has she dreamed about in this manner?  She believes it started with David Bowie when she was younger, and she had switched the leading men around several times throughout her life.  Savannah never changed, but her men¡¯s face and name kept changing.


    Well, wasn¡¯t this a just good old kick to the stomach. Failure in life, and now in the eyes of the Lord, she had failed big time.  Fear and panic overwhelmed Anna Marie, and she rolled off the couch and down onto her knees.  Gazing up at her ceiling, she intertwined her hands together and spoke out loud.  ¡°God, please.  I am a sinner, but please don¡¯t send me into hell.  I can¡¯t have lived this poor excuse of a life and then be doomed for an eternity into hell.  God, please.  I¡¯m sorry.  Lord, please forgive me.¡±  More tears formed and burst forth from Anna Marie.  She felt like she was already living in purgatory, and she didn¡¯t want to spend eternity in anymore hell.  ¡°Please forgive me Lord.  Please forgive me.¡±  The familiar buzzing sound of her phone echoed in her apartment.  ¡°Great Mom.  Perfect timing.¡± Anna Marie used the back of her hand to wipe away fallen tears.  She let out a big sigh, and reached across the coffee table.  Grabbing the cell, she let out another breath and answered. ¡°Hi Mom.¡±


    ¡°Anna Marie, I know you are busy over there pouting and wallowing in your misery, but we have really big problems over here.  We just got the renewal papers for our apartment, and the rent is going up another two hundred dollars.  Your father is freaking out.  What are we going to do?¡±  Anna Maria recognized the sound of fear in her mother¡¯s voice and promptly forgot about her problems.  Call her a failure, but Anna Marie did not like seeing her mother in pain or in fear.  Wanting to calm her down, she replied. ¡°Mom, do not panic. We can figure this out. If I am correct, it is illegal for landlords to raise rent over a certain percentage point.¡±


    ¡°Anna Marie, what are we going to do?¡±  Her mother nervously asked her.


    Knowing she needed to see the paperwork for herself, Anna Marie made a command decision.  She would need to catch the bus and go over and check on her parents.  The bus ¨C it was really three buses, but Anna Marie could not stand by while her parents fretted.  Her father was much older, and she feared he could worry himself into a heart attack.  No, she had to go over.  Even if that meant, she needed to go outside.  Best not to think too much about it and just do it.


    ¡°Anna Marie, are you still there?¡± Her mother asked her prompting Anna Marie out of her daze.


    ¡°Sorry about that.  Mom, I am coming over.  Just hang on.  I will see you soon. Alright.¡±


    ¡°Sounds good.  See you soon.¡±  And her mother hung up the phone.


    Still on her knees, Anna Marie took a deep breath realizing this meant she had to go outside.  Outside with people.  She loved people ¨C she was just scared of them.  But if she was to be successful in travelling over to her parents, she could not think too much about it.  She just had to get up and go.  Gathering her courage, Anna Marie stood up and looked down at her pajamas.  Well, she couldn¡¯t go like this.  Too late to have a shower.  If she had a shower, it gave Anna Marie too much time to change her mind and stay at home and disappoint her parents.  No, she could not take the chance of chickening out.  Striding over to her dresser, Anna Marie did her bare necessities to get out of her apartment.  Change her clothes, throw on some deodorant and wrap her hair up in a bun.  It wasn¡¯t pretty, but it got the job done.  Anna Marie had to admit she did not mind wearing the masks after COVID, because it covered up her bad breath.  Grabbing her phone, her bus tickets and her purse Anna Marie strode to her apartment door.  She was doing it.  She was finally leaving her apartment after, what, three weeks.


    Exiting her apartment and into the hallway and exited the building, Anna Marie was blinded by the sunlight.  And her first thought was ¡°What have I done?¡±

 Chapter 6

    If everyone cared and nobody cried,


    If everyone loved and nobody lied


    And if everyone shared and swallowed their pride


    Then we¡¯d see the day when nobody died.


    If Everyone Cared, Nickelback


    The whoosh of the bus doors opening in front of Anna Marie hurt her ears and caused her to continue trembling.  The nervous trembling had been there before the bus, and she knew it would probably still be there until she reached her destination.  Being outside in the world terrified her.  Running back home and crawling back into bed appealed to Anna Marie, but her parents needed her right now.  So, she had no choice but to take the dreaded three buses and make her way to the small town her parents called home. Anna Marie would have loved to have remained in the small town, but the amount needed for rent was way above her disability income.  The only apartments affordable to Anna Marie were situated in the big bustling city she now called home.


    Wordlessly, she weakly smiled at the bus driver as she stepped onto the bus and deposited her ticket into the clear plastic bin.  The driver never spoke a word either while handing over the small slip of paper for transferring between buses.  Holding onto the transfer, Anna Marie ambled down the aisle searching for an empty seat.  She couldn¡¯t help but notice the sad and lifeless faces of the other patrons as she passed them towards an empty bench at the back of the bus.  Taking a seat, she got lost in gazing out the window.  Anna Marie had always been terrified of the moving buses since she was a child.  Her first memory of being on the transit system was when her older brother took her to see the premiere of the Batman movie starring Michael Keaton.  Anna Marie¡¯s brother made it look easy by getting on and walking balanced while the bus lurched forward.  For Anna Marie, it was a different experience as she shook holding onto each railing.  Balancing on a moving bus was never quite her strength.


    If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    She remembered very well the day when her view of the outside world abruptly changed.  Her life changed on a dirt road out in the country.  Her first home was a four-acre patch of land that was a wonderland for a growing girl full of ADHD.  Trees beckoned to be climbed, rocks begging to be skipped on ponds, and butterflies whispered to be chased.  Then all at once, paradise turned to prison when a young Anna Marie exited the yellow school bus.  At first, she only noticed the dust the bright vehicle kicked up after pulling away until she noticed the dark blue van.  At the tender age of eleven, she figured the van was someone searching for a neighboring acreage.  City visitors always had problems with the confusing range road addresses.


    Anna Marie¡¯s first indication this was a different scenario was when she caught the driver¡¯s expression.  Brown curly shoulder length hair and a brown mustache framed the man¡¯s anger.  While walking, Anna Marie just stared at the man wondering why he was so angry as the van slowly kept pace beside her.  It wasn¡¯t until he slammed on the brakes that the voice inside Anna Marie¡¯s head screamed RUN.  She did not need any other prodding as Anna Marie bolted as fast as a rabbit down into the ditch and onto her neighbor¡¯s property.  Hearing tires squealing and rocks being kicked out on the road only proved what Anna Marie knew instinctively that this van driver was not looking for an acreage but a victim.  This was the first time Anna Marie could feel the fear biting at her, but unfortunately the fear would now be a constant companion.


    Resting her head on the window, Anna Marie gazed absent-mindedly at the blur of trees, cars and buildings whirred by.  From that day forward, fear became an enormous beast in Anna Marie¡¯s life.  Locking herself into her own prison, she passed when it came to sporting activities, catching a movie, going out for dinner with friends or going out for a night on the town with her husband. And life did not wait for Anna Marie, it kept on going and passed her by.  But as Anna Marie noticed the sorrowful expression of other people on the bus, why did she get the feeling she was not the only one?