《Nice To Meat You》


 The Only Chapter

    ¡°This isn¡¯t working out.¡± my partner says to me. Even in a noisy restaurant, their voice cuts right through. ¡°What? Wait why we can work this out¡± I say back, shock and fear washing over me. ¡°Bill, you eat people. You¡¯re a literal cannibal¡±. I am utterly confused by the situation. Not confused because what they are saying isn¡¯t true, but confused because they know this. ¡°Yeah, but have I ever hidden that from you? In fact, I remember on our first date I said-¡°, My partner raises their hand and begins to finish my sentence. ¡°Hi! I¡¯m Frank, I¡¯m a cannibal, and even though you look like a snack-¡°, We both finish the statement at the same time ¡°I promise I won''t eat you¡±. It probably wasn¡¯t the best opening line but, we hit it off immediately and they didn¡¯t seem to be too shocked by it.


    The past six months have been great so, I really don¡¯t know what the big deal is. ¡°And have I ever tried to eat you, Tim? No, so why is this an issue now?¡±, ¡°It¡¯s always been an issue Bill¡± They reply back to me. ¡°I mean sure I was open to trying new things but...¡± They trail off, trying to collect the right words ¡°It''s just too much¡± They let out in a sad-sounding voice. ¡°What can I do to fix this? Please tell me¡± I beg. ¡°Stop being a fucking cannibal. Bill, it¡¯s weird and gross¡± Weird and gross? Who does he get off saying that what I eat is weird and gross ¡° Well¡± I scoff back ¡°At least I don¡¯t cut people open and take out their organs for a living. The people I eat are already dead.¡± They stare at me with a mixture of disgust and anger ¡°I¡¯m a fucking surgeon Bill. I help people for a living, you eat them for fun¡±


    It''s not just cannibalism that¡¯s giving them the creeps, its something else. ¡°I mean, where do you even get it? You said that the people are already dead but-¡° I stop them there and don¡¯t let them finish. ¡°I have a guy, okay. There I said it!¡± The people in the restaurant are starting to look at us. I take notice of this and lower my voice. ¡°You have¡­I human meat guy¡± Tim asks in a puzzled tone of voice. ¡°Yeah okay, I have a guy who ¡°for a fee¡± finds some already dead people and¡­¡± I look around at the restaurant to see if anyone is watching us. After I confirm it''s safe I make a sawing motion with my hand ¡°Oh Jesus Fucking Christ Bill¡± Tim replies as he buries his face in his hand. ¡°and you know, sells me the meat.¡± Tim removes his hand from his face as he¡¯s just had a startling thought. ¡°Did you-.¡± he starts before looking around the restaurant. ¡°Did you ever feed me human meat?¡± I pause for a moment as my throat feels dry.


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    I take a sip of my water and before I can put my glass down Tim grabs me from across the table. ¡°Did you ever feed me human fucking meat?¡± They say slightly louder. ¡°No!¡± I reply unintentionally loudly. The restaurant stops and everyone turns toward us. ¡°Sorry everyone¡± I let out coyly, as everyone goes back to minding their business. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t feed you human meat Tim¡± They release me and let out a sigh of relief. ¡°Did you really think I would let you eat my super-duper expensive human meat?¡± They stare back at me like I just said the most insane thing ever. ¡°Why are you like this?¡± They ask as if trying to get some sense of me. I look them directly in the eyes and put my hand on top of theirs.


    They look at our hands for a moment and interlace their fingers in mine. ¡°I know things are rough right now, but I promise you, we¡¯re going to get through it¡± A small smile creeps along their face as they start to see the real me. ¡°I love you, Dave.¡± The smile instantly vanishes and they pull their hand back ¡°Dave?¡± They ask, ¡°Are¡­are you cheating on me?¡± I have no words; I really wish it didn¡¯t come out like this. ¡°I¡­.um-¡° Before I can finish my sentence Tim throws their glass of water in my face and stands up ¡°Fuck you! You cheating bitch!¡± They storm out of the restaurant and I am left at the table, soaked in water, with a subpar, non-human piece of meat on my plate.