《A dream》 Chapter 1: She came to town The days were hot, and the nights no longer had the power to cool down the dusty air. ߤͬߤ`ʱŤݥåɤ„ʤŮҹ錄ޤ She walked past the stalls of the night market, not even giving it a single second of a glance. She had a goal. One which was of much greater importance than some rusty objects of bygone days. She had come to visit an old friend. Though that word had become somewhat inappropriate to describe their relationship at some point. Still, there she was, in a faraway country, far from home, to see an old friend. While walking through the countryside, the night had begun to turn into day. She hadn''t counted the hours of her march, having always loved these kinds of things, moving, walking, running, speeding away from all unpleasant things and thoughts. When she reached town, the stale, heated air awaiting her almost felt like a punch to the guts. She had difficulty breathing and felt quite reluctant to traverse this wall of fire. But in she had to go if she wanted to accomplish her goal, and she had come way too far to turn back now. While the stale air had not become any lighter, she unwittingly realised that humans could even get used to things like this and, naturally, to many others. The town became brighter with the rising of the sun, and life began to bustle. [󣡤IäƤߣޤƤФ꣡] A vendor called to her, shoving something resembling food in her way. Hiding her disgust but less her annoyance, she readjusted her earphones and hit the play button. An old song, one she had loved deeply, began to play. Her feet began to move to the beat, and her steps began to synchronise with the rhythm. ? Being on foreign ground, her natural first stop was to visit the local guides. Having had regular exchanges with that old friend over the last few years, she could more or less pinpoint her whereabouts. But that had only gone as far as locating the postal service her friend had been using. Naturally, she could have asked that friend of hers to give her a more detailed description of her abode. However, the building complexes'' absence of addresses wasn''t the only issue. ? They all looked the same, grey, worn-out, dusty high-rise building complexes connected with each other. They had begun to form a giant city of their own, a massive colourless wall rising high against the sky as if challenging the heavens. And they refused outsiders. Or at least, that was how it seemed to her. She had long grown past the age to worry about trivial matters such as open discrimination or hidden refusal of otherness. They were all the same; they all were different. They had all become the same. And with the passing of the years, an air of indifference had begun to form around her. It had made life much easier. She had become much more indifferent to life. ? She soon found what she was looking for. The purpose of guides was to be found by outsiders, after all, so they usually erected fancy, eye-catching hide-outs to hide from the sun, of course, in easily accessible locations. All it had taken was to ask a fellow indifferent passer-by, and as soon as she had approached the walled complex, a ridiculously colourful construct of tents and carpets had met her eye. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. 裡 󡢤ϤʤȤʤ꣡ A friendly-looking middle-aged man called out to her from a precipice, the former roof of a single-family home in front of the monstrosity of modern housing, now the ground on which the merry local guides had erected their abode. The matter had been swiftly dealt with: the person she was looking for, no matter who it was she was looking for, as long as they were alive, men or women all frequented the local market at least once a day, even those holed up inside that giant mansion fortress. What''s the point of holing up in there if you have to leave frequently anyway? What even is the point? Who was it that was first charmed by this illusion of isolation amidst modern society or of any other? Of course, if they''re not self-sufficient, there is no isolation, just the illusion of it. But for some, the thought alone might have been enough. So, instead of venturing inside the belly of the beast, she headed for the nearest market, taking up her lookout close to the entrance nearest the mansion. ? They had been good friends growing up together. They had done everything together, gone everywhere together and even grown to resemble each other, being called as undistinguishable as twins by those around them. But life had led them to grow apart. What once was one had become two, and by now, neither really minded that part anymore. That''s just what growing up is all about: to separate yourself from the mould, to become one, though maybe not whole. And by now, she wasn''t all too sure anymore about their past relationship. After all, no one is really with someone else all the time, or maybe everyone is truly alone all the time, even if they''re with someone else. And while speech patterns, fleeting opinions and even habits tend to grow alike, no one is really ever like someone else. We''re all different. Or are we all the same? It had been her that had ended their close-knit relationship. She had moved overseas for some great opportunity or something. She couldn''t even remember clearly anymore. Though, she felt like that hadn''t been the reason. The reason had been something she could only admit now, now that she had become indifferent to most things in life. The truth was, they hadn''t really been all that close-knitted, not at all sewn together by the hip, as outsiders liked to say. They had been living completely different lives in completely different worlds with completely different incidents shaping and forming their minds. They had been passing by each other. And it had been that friction that had clouded everyone''s judgement about their relationship, even their own. As she sat on an upturned wooden crate, staring into the distant past, she suddenly craved a smoke. Having almost depleted her stash, she usually felt quite reluctant to waste away her treasury. But now would be an appropriate situation for a smoke. It was, after all, the beginning of a new chapter in her life, the beginning of a great adventure. She brought out her tin box and that rusty old, yet barely used lighter of hers. After all, you couldn''t light a fire with it, so its uses had been greatly limited. As she sat there, smoking and perusing the state of nothingness, a man approached her, a young man, seemingly her age. He had flowing curly hair and a face pleasant to look at, though she wasn''t quite sure whether he was to be described as handsome or good-looking. She had never been good at stuff like that. Her aesthetic sensor seemed to always have been one of a kind, though the first thing that had come to her mind was ''pretty''. He had the air of a real-life beauty. His brown hair with a taint of black and his much too alive-looking eyes, carrying the hint of a smile, stood in stark contrast to the dusty grey world around them. He was lean, though his leanness created the illusion of someone ready to jump high into the air, never to come down again, never to walk on this scored earth again if only he had wings. "Ah! Don''t tell me!" he shouted theatrically while coming closer, one hand held across his face in fake disbelief: "Is that actually tobacco?" Turning over another wooden crate in one smooth motion, he sat down next to her, taking his head in his hands and peeking at her while doing his best to appear pitiful. "You wouldn''t happen to have a cigarette to spare for an old man?" he said comically. However, rather than using his charm, his pleading felt quite natural, as if he simply was that kind of man, direct in his approach and most likely the sociable type, her natural enemy. Without saying anything, without even batting an eye, she held up her tin box and lighter and passed them to him. She might''ve considered this her treasure, her precious and usually felt reluctant to even touch it herself, still less inclined to let someone else touch it. But this man wasn''t just anyone. So they sat there, two strangers in foreign lands sharing an intimate moment of peace amidst the bustling of life. ? Chapter 2: Reunion "So you''ve come here all the way to see a friend? That''s kind of mad!" the man laughed, amused. They had been making small talk, though the man had done most of the talking. She wasn''t quite used to being in someone else''s presence anymore. However, his easygoing nature and patience in waiting for her stumbling and fumbling for words had put her much at ease. It felt good talking to someone. "I''m Kazuya, by the way. I think we haven''t introduced ourselves yet." Neither showing acknowledgement nor any other emotion, for that matter, the woman simply replied: "I''m Nii." "˩`? But travelling all the way to meet a friend really is something else! You''re kind of nuts, aren''t you?" he chuckled softly. The man, Kazuya, had a knack for creating just the right distance to feel comfortable around him. He wasn''t overly friendly or too distant. "I''m going home," Nii said while staring at the bright, bright sky as if it was the most natural thing to say, the most logical explanation for her actions. "Home, huh? Haven''t been there in quite a while either," the man added to her statement thoughtfully as if it was the most natural explanation she could have given. "She was closer," Nii continued. "So I figured I might as well meet up with her and go home together," she almost sounded wistful. "I figured it''s safer to travel in a group. And it''s going to be a long journey, a long journey home." She paused. "It felt, it felt like a good idea," she muttered. "Sure, why not? It does sound like a good idea!" Kazuya smiled reassuringly, the amusement, the liveliness never once leaving his eyes. "You''re both a far way from home. We all are." "But are you really planning to stake out the market till she shows? You never know; she could be taking a different path or just not come today." He mused, looking at her worryingly. "You''re definitely gonna get a heat stroke together with some nasty sunburns." At that, Nii pulled her dust-stained tunic over her head, thus covering her whole body. Kazuya just laughed, pulling her tunic back: "That''s not gonna protect you from a heat stroke, I fear." "Okay, as repayment for the tobacco, I''ll get you some water, and we''re gonna hide out at that food stall over there. I know the owner. They''re pretty easygoing," he declared, jumping to his feet. "We are?" Nii looked at him, baffled. "Yep. Let''s stake out together!" He shouted again theatrically while flashing an impish smile. He truly was a walking enigma of liveliness. ? Nii''s friend didn''t show up that day. Or at least, the two hadn''t managed to spot her. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. "Don''t be too upset. There''s always another day," Kazuya said to her soothingly to the marvel of the food vendor next to them. Nii''s facial features hadn''t changed even once that day. Night had fallen, and the market and its displayed goods had changed in nature. As a result, it had become somewhat unpleasant and also quite pointless to prolong her stay. "You can crash at my place! It''s not like you have a place to go. And who knows, you just might run into her if you stay at the same place." Nii had started to become used to his unique rhythm, his direct manner of speech to neither gloss anything over nor reproach her for her actions. He had already accepted her. Since he had already accepted her for who she was without knowing who she was, his words were free from hidden intentions. There was no need to gouge at the meaning of his words. Just as he had accepted her, she had accepted him. And the increasing scent of perfume in the air started hurting her nose. ? Kazuya, too, lived in that monstrosity of a housing complex, as did thousands of others. While she had already assumed this to be the case, the inside of the complex was truly a frightening labyrinth of walls and stairs and pathways and stairs and passages one wouldn''t expect, suddenly popping up right and left. After following several of these passages and climbing many stairs, at which point Nii had utterly lost track of her surroundings, they came to a halt. 郎פؤ褦 He made a ridiculous bow, beckoning her to enter. The inside was by no means spacious, though not as crammed as Nii had expected. They had stepped into an open room with a kitchenette and a large mattress covering half the floor. There was only one other door leading to the washing area, and most of the room was filled with carpets or cushions. And there was only one other thing of notice in the room. Of course, there was. "You like music?" Kazuya asked. He had slipped out of his dust-stained shoes and dust-stained tunic, leaving them at the front entrance in an orderly manner and was moving over to the wall opposite the kitchenette. Neither waiting for nor expecting any answer, he took up the guitar and settled on a mountain of cushions. And he began to play an old song, one she had loved deeply. ? She didn''t meet her friend the next day either, or the next, or next. On the morning of the fourth day, Nii and Kazuya had, as always, begun their daily stakeout at the stall of the now familiar food vendor, an older man with greying hair but a voice that wouldn''t lose to anyone when their paths finally met. There she was, Pania, with the same face Nii remembered, the same long blond hair, the same watery eyes, the same dainty figure, the same energetic stride and the same man by her side. The same as it had been when Nii had left their home country, as if no time had passed at all, as if the passing of time hadn''t come between them, as if it hadn''t been the passing of time that had come between them. She jumped to her feet; a hint of urgency had crawled onto her face, her facial expression seemingly changing for the first time since she had come here. Kazuya and the older man were naturally quite startled by her sudden change. And while she had thought she''d already be running, her feet didn''t quite move the way she wanted them to. She looked at Kazuya. ФäƤ飡 He smiled at her encouragingly. Nii still wasn''t sure for what reason, if any, the man had accompanied her so far. ''Was it for the change of everyday life''s mundanity? Had he simply not had anything better to do? Or was it out of a whim? Or out of the kindness of his heart?'' No matter the reason, Nii still felt grateful for his company, for the helping hand he had given her, a gratitude she would remember for the rest of her life. That alone might have made her halt her steps. ''For what purpose was she trying to rekindle this old friendship again?'' This might have been the other reason that had made her halt her steps. ''For going home,'' she remembered. No, she had never forgotten. She could never forget that dearest wish of hers, to go home. And home was where her family was, where her friends were, where her past lay buried. And so she ran. But this time, not away from her past but towards it. Chapter 3: Decisions Their reunion had been a teary one. Both sides had cried a lot and had been showering each other with heartfelt words trying to capture this fleeting moment of bliss. Pania and Mike had moved overseas sometime after Nii had left, and they had stayed there with the changing of many seasons along with the changing of their jobs, dabbling in this and that. And they hadn''t stayed alone for very long. But no, it hadn''t been a child they had been blessed with. An old friend of Pania had moved into the area at some point, and being as incapable of self-supporting herself as always, the two had started to keep her. ''As a pet''. Or at least that was how it seemed to Nii. The three of them lived in a square identical to that of Kazuya, though they had to climb many more stairs and pass through many more passages, deeper and ever deeper into the belly of the beast. "It''s soooooo good to see you!" Nii had a much less teary and definitely much less heartfelt reunion with Leonie, the pet. Having returned to her stone-faced state, neither the feeling of discomfort nor disgust found its way to the surface, though she still stumbled for a proper answer. She hadn''t interacted with Leonie''s type for a long, long time. Nii didn''t hate her; she just didn''t love her either. But in contrast to Nii''s first reluctance and despite the passing of the years that lay between them, the three welcomed her into her tiny abode with open arms. Though, no mention of the passing of the years or the past was ever to be made. ? "You want to go home?" Pania seemed surprised, or rather, worried. "But how do you suppose to get there?" Following the initial hubbub over their surprise visitor, things began to settle down again. Apparently, Pania had gone to the market every day during Nii''s stakeout. They simply seemed to have passed by each other. But now, as they were sharing Nii''s tobacco, evidently with more reluctance, sitting on the window sill of that high-rise building, staring into the distance, they had clearly found each other. "I figured we''d found a group, others who''d want to travel in the same direction, like a caravan, just smaller. We''d have to travel a good distance, but in a large group, we should be able to travel safely. By train, we should be able to reach the ocean no trouble. And there''s always enough ship travel and a need for helping hands to head out to sea." Nii moved away from the window and rummaged through her worn-out linen bag until she found what she had been looking for. "Is that?! You''ve been carrying something like this with you all the way here?" Pania started at the map incredulously. It was a worn-out dust-stained map, just as everything else was. But it was a very accurate map, noting the geological characteristics and travel routes, heaped with comments from others who had gone before them for the safest passage across land and sea. "Where did you get that?" "This was kind of the impetus for this journey," Nii explained. "I''ve been travelling around for a few years now, though I''ve never gotten very far and could never just up and leave completely for fear of losing contact with home or you. But when I found this map on one of my journeys and after exchanging notes with other travellers, real travellers, people who have crossed the oceans, people without any money, just like us, the idea started growing within me. This is why I''ve shown up after all this time," the last part she had added softly, nothing more than a whisper, one that shouldn''t have reached her friend''s ears. "I get the idea, and it''s not like I never thought about wanting to go home and seeing my family again, but there''d be a lot of preparations necessary for that," Pania said absentmindedly. She didn''t seem adverse to the idea. And perhaps, she, too, had just been waiting for an excuse, an impetus, an impulse from outside that would start her on her journey home. Perhaps we all are. We, who wander this world, perhaps we''re all the same. ? If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. After their conversation, they started making plans. Mike had, naturally, no objection to the matter, being one with his girlfriend in mind and body, while Leonie had never had a strong opinion of her own, to begin with. They had started to recruit fellow companions as well as acquire provisions. It would be a long and arduous journey. At the same time, life went on. The lovers continued to be very much in love, just as they had been when they first met, and Leonie and Nii each tried to give them as much space as possible. It was theirs, after all, though the lovebirds didn''t mind their presence very much during night or day. The adaptability of humankind is truly marvellous. Living alone, we manage to take over the whole space and colour it to our liking and do not permit any other to change this colour. However, should we start living together with others, with much difficulty at first, perhaps, mixing these colours becomes surprisingly easy, especially during times and in places where huddling together is the natural state of human life. And we soon become much more accepting of each other''s peculiarities. But, at the same time, everyone gives up a part of their individuality for the minds to mix into one large pot of mashed potatoes. In other words, living together in a closed space worked surprisingly well, and taking notice of others'' sexual and biological activities might not be as annoying as Nii initially thought. But for one''s independence as an individual, having some time for herself was, indeed, intrinsical. So naturally, since the two women did not share any love for each other, or Nii at least shared none for Leonie, she would often traverse this labyrinth of apartments on her own, considering their future undertaking, the state of the world as well as her own state. On one of these walks, she came across someone she hadn''t met in a long time. "So, how was your reunion?" Kazuya casually asked as if it hadn''t been weeks but only a couple of days. Nii tried herself at a soft smile, befitting the occasion, but soon gave up. Her facial muscles simply wouldn''t move anymore the way they once did. "Thought you might''ve already left." At this, Nii''s facial muscles did contort. "You know, for your way home?" Kazuya looked at her just as surprised. This was a thought that had never even crossed her mind! ''After all'' "But then again, I guess you couldn''t just leave for the other side of the globe just like that," he snapped his fingers. "You okay?" He now sounded worried. While Nii might not have been much of a talker and clearly had trouble showing emotion, this was still one of her all-time lows. ''I can''t keep doing this.'' "Would you like to come with us?" she blurted out in one breath to ensure she wouldn''t swallow part of what she wanted to say, as she usually did. This time, it was Kazuya''s turn to truly be surprised, evidence that this was, in turn, a thought he had never had. "I It sounded like I thought you might also want to go home." "Am I wrong? Was that too presumptuous of me?" And like the passing of the clouds, a smile returned to Kazuya''s face. "That doesn''t sound all too bad," he smirked. ? "What should I pack? Should I take this with me? Or that?" Holding up all kinds of gadgets whose former use Nii couldn''t even begin to guess, Kazuya''s room slowly but surely turned into an abode of utter chaos, a state of things Nii naturally felt at ease with and wasn''t all too hasty to change. Since it had been decided for Kazuya to join them and their group had now officially grown to the proud number of nine, a number Nii was indeed very pleased with, she had started to visit him more often. Or rather, she had begun to spend most of her time at his place whenever there was no business to take care of or simply to outrun the love vibes still echoing within her head. Preparations were within their final phase. Provisions had been taken care of, safely stowed away in their bag packs. They had to do with what they could carry, relying on future possibilities to refurbish these provisions. While the bare necessities had already been packed, Kazuya seemed to find it difficult to separate himself from trinkets with emotional value. She, too, had once been like that. But as soon as she lost her first thing of immeasurable value, loss became easier until she became indifferent. ''We''re all the same.'' In the end, the only thing of emotional value that neither of the two could leave without was his guitar. ? Pania''s packing went in a much more orderly fashion. They had already sold all their belongings that would be of no practical use for their journey. They even made promissory notes for their bedding and living space to be handed over to the buyers as soon as they had left. It was very much like Pania to think of every possibility and prepare accordingly. She had always been a capable woman. Maybe that had been the reason why it had always been incompetent men, leeches living off of her success, that had flocked to her. Pania''s parents had been strict in their upbringing. Their main agenda had been raising her so she could take on the whole world. They had endeavoured to open every door for her. They had raised her to be proud, self-assured and always looking towards the future, even if that meant trampling on the past, trampling on tradition and culture and even on them. People might have called them foolish to sacrifice everything for an ungrateful haughty girl, but are not all parents like that? Do they not all wish the very best for their children? And is it not true that all children are ungrateful until they grow old enough to realise the gifts they have been given? ''We''re all the same.'' ? Chapter 4: Journey The nine companions, or the fellowship of the nine, as Nii secretly called them, consisted of Mike, Pania, Leonie, Nii, Kazuya, Patrick, a former stand-up comedian whose air still refused to stand down, Chelsea, a former climate activist who gave up on climate and activism at the same time, Louis, who had had severe trouble communicating with locals since he only spoke French and had managed to remain ignorant of the four languages spoken in the area, and Pits. The last four had already known each other prior to this enterprise. Still, for most party members, the eve of their departure was their first proper meeting besides organisational matters. The mood was solemn, befitting the closing of a chapter in everyone''s life. None of them believed they would come back here. They weren''t leaving, after all. They were heading home. Aside from Nii and Pania, most group members had slightly, if not vastly, different destinations. However, they were all headed to the same port town across the sea, and whichever way they would take afterwards and how long they would continue their journey together, for now, they were companions. Their first goal was to get to the next train station. During colder seasons, reaching it shouldn''t have taken more than a day, but the scoring heat made travel during daytime quite strenuous, if not dangerous. Furthermore, there weren''t many direct paths to the settlement around the train station since the community Pania and the others had resided in had been self-sufficient for the most part. And not many reasons existed for any locals to deal with an industrial settlement. Had they not willingly separated and decided to live a life far off from the ruse and the billowing of the machines. Even so, calling it a dangerous journey would have been over-exaggerated. As is typical for reality, the journey was mostly mundane, bothersome, taxing and bleak. As long as one would exclude the tired stumbling of weary feet or the tumbling of people grasping for a way through the dark, no real dangers were to be found anywhere. There were no monsters to vanquish, no treasures to find, and no bandits to fend off. Avoid the mid and afternoon sun, suspicious gatherings of people, dangerous looking terrain, and travelling couldn''t be any less adventurous. Nii had already been aware of that, of course, having not only traversed two continents, though connected they were, to meet a friend but also having prior experience of travelling long distances by foot on her own. Nothing was less adventurous and romantic than reality. If you find yourself in a dangerous situation, it is usually already too late, and those that had been in dangerous situations have no stories to tell. Best to avoid any unnecessary trouble from the start. Since the group consisted of adults all past their prime of tomfoolery, they all agreed on that matter. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. ''We''re all the same. Deep down, we''re all the same. Deep down, we''re all cowards.'' ? "So, you guys want to stowaway on our freight train, huh? All nine of you? We could''ve put one or two of you to use for chores no one else wants to do. Kids these days run away so easily as soon as things get hard. It''s not like this is my dream job, either. Well, whatever, get on. You all look fit enough for loading the cargo, and my men could use a break." "Well, that went easy," Chelsea added snappishly. She was all that Nii had ever feared in modern society combined. She was loud. She loved to bicker and bark. She had to voice her opinion on everything. She had a thing for cynic remarks, leaving no one unscathed. And she didn''t know the concept of personal space. It hadn''t been difficult to get aboard a train to the port, the port to which all trains leaving this station were headed. It just hadn''t been easy, either. They had spent close to a week working on this embargo: on the staff as well as on the trains. After a week or so, pity rather than kindness had finally landed them this opportunity. And no one really had anything to lose. No heads would roll over nine stowaways, not even had the cargo been damaged. Since no one was responsible for anything, no one had to take responsibility. And a certain percentage of loss was within the calculation of every deal made these days. The infrastructure simply wasn''t what it used to be. When freight trains began to take control over the rail systems a while ago, many had rushed to catch their last train home, but that had long since abided. In contrast, the air of indifference began to permeate society until no one had anywhere to go anymore. During their time stranded, the group had neither grown closer nor farther apart. While Pania, Mike and their pet had less need to be sociable, being an already close-knit community, they neither refused other people''s company nor sought it. Nii, on the other hand, wouldn''t even know how to start a friendly conversation even if she wanted to, while Kazuya, as she had already guessed, was very sociable by nature, building a bridge between the two groups and feeling very much at ease within the midst of their fellowship. Nii''s incapability to socialise did not limit her observational prowess, however; she had noticed quite a lot about her new companions they, too, would have kept for themselves. This, in turn, did her sociability no favour, feeling even less inclined to start up a conversation than before. So, instead, she had made it her mission to get them off the land as soon as earthly possible and had spent day and night working at the train station or acquiring information on trade ships to keep herself busy, to keep up an air of competence. ''I still haven''t changed. I haven''t changed at all since then.'' "Hey girl, you look tired. You alright, aren''t you?" Leonie had asked one night, looking at her worryingly. ''Don''t worry, this is much more mentally taxing than it is physically,'' she thought. Though, as usual, none of her feelings found their way onto her face. They simply stayed where they had been, where they had always been, buried deep within. But still, Leonie''s interest in her well-being was honest, even if the woman didn''t appear to be prepared for an honest answer. The interest in other people''s well-being usually goes just that far, a pretence, a make-believe. The question is, who are we really trying to fool? ''She''s not a bad person. She really isn''t. But I still can''t bring myself to love her. I don''t hate her. I just don''t love her, either. ? Chapter 5: Downbound The train rattled and rumbled. It thundered and whistled. Due to the unreliability of electric signals in the area, many trains on the route were powered by steam. Aware of the accompanied health issues of coal usage, many in the region had turned their back on modern society. They moved to communities separated from the smog, self-sufficient communities, communities like Pania''s. But there were always enough people still dreaming of becoming big, finding their miraculous entrance to the upper echelon of the world''s society. Though soon to be disillusioned, many run away, leading to a continuous change of workers coming and going. Like the tide, they are drawn to an impossible dream only to return to the shores of reality battered and bruised, wandering whence that dream came from. Having uploaded the cargo and now taking turns feeding the beast, screaming: "Locomotion, more! more!" the group had nestled in between the wooden crates, telling each other stories of their home countries, as befitting for the start of a journey. Nothing feels more like the beginning of a journey than the BGM of a train whistling and rattling along the rails. ''The downbound train.'' "I honestly never thought I''d see my homeland again! Thanks for inviting me on this journey, Nii!" Patrick was a friendly fellow who apparently never lost his good mood. Nii knew this was her chance to participate in their friendly exchange. She was searching for the right words to say, for the right tone, but she just couldn''t find them in time. The conversation had already moved on. "So Pania and Nii, you''re both from the same home town?" Chelsea asked. She had had an uncanny interest in their relationship since the beginning, smelling an opportunity for gossip. The idea that there was gossip and disaccord to be found wasn''t that unthinkable. Everyone knew Nii had come a long way to see Pania. And everyone had seen Pania and Mike practically glued together. "Yeah, we''re both from the same stinky backwater town," Pania laughed. "We''ve been together forever until this girl," she boxed Nii, "decided she needed to study abroad to never return. I guess it''s in her blood. She disappeared just as abruptly as she had appeared back then." "What do you mean?" "Ah, right. You see, Nii''s actually from Ireland. She even got that trademark hair colour, doesn''t she?" "Huh, but when you''re from Ireland, what are you trying to head to New Zealand for?" This whole conversation made Nii incredibly uncomfortable. She could feel cold sweat forming on her brow and hands. This was a topic she never wanted to talk about, ever, an absolute taboo. "Family," she finally pressed out. "Ah, I guess family is more important than where you come from." Labels, belonging, classification, division, borders, identification, society, illusions, lies, make-believe, Nii was sick of it. Having never belonged, she had grasped at the first opportunity and headed for Japan while still in her teens and afterwards to the Americas, Africa, the Americas, but never Europe, never Ireland. True, if home was defined by birth, then Nii wasn''t headed home. Nii couldn''t go ''home'' to Ireland. She never could, not before, not now. She might''ve been good at running, but running from one bad memory to another wouldn''t have given her any reprieve. She had no family, no friends back in Ireland, never had. That was why she had taken off to Japan, the closest place she could escape to as well as the farthest her wings had been able to take her back then. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! She couldn''t call New Zealand her home either, nor that backwater town Pania had made fun of. But there was someone she could call home, someone she could come home to, her family. And that was where she was headed, having been away for far too long. Did that mean she was less entitled to yearn for home than those deeply rooted in one place? She looked the group over, her contempt deep hidden within her heart, such as all her emotions. Pits might not have been able to hear, but he was incredibly proficient in lip reading and that in many tongues. She had noticed that he had an incredibly fast reaction time when it came to social cues, also those transmitted by speech. One could only bow to his prowess and talent, but he used these to play the ignorant. He had successfully excluded himself from every annoying or troublesome chore not benefitting him directly. Chelsea was strangely proud of her past role as a climate activist though the ideals she had fought for hadn''t stuck with her for very long, which was quite apparent. She neither minded littering nor the destruction of what was still left of this planet''s nature and even partook in it herself whenever it benefited her. Patrick''s happy-go-lucky fa?ade crumbled ever so often when he thought himself alone. And it had been anger and undying hatred hiding underneath for who knows what reasons. The world and life usually provide enough opportunities to stock up on these. And Louis was very much capable of understanding English as well as Spanish and Portuguese. Logic thinking should''ve revealed that much already, were there not too many similarities between romantic languages and had he not spent much too long a time surrounded by them. But he, too, turned a deaf ear to everything of no use to him. And everyone else turned a blind eye to this. Or perhaps they really just didn''t care, never looking close enough to notice. There wasn''t much to say about Leonie as her speciality had always been to nod along at everything with that plastered smile of hers. You might think there was something hidden underneath it. But in truth, she just didn''t care enough about those around her or the world in general. She felt quite comfortable playing her role. Most likely, she was secretly looking down on everyone around her, on all those idiots, struggling so hard to be themselves when they could simply drift along and go with the flow instead. And Mike, having had his ego utterly destroyed by a much too capable woman at his side, his eagerness to sound important foretold his shallowness. So at every opportunity he got, he would raise his voice the loudest to tune out the voice that had actually been doing the talking and thinking. And since his voice organ was quite large, he usually succeeded. And Pania, what about Pania? Could she even find fault within that friend of hers, that friend she had travelled all across two continents to see? Should there not have been an undying love between them, raising her about all faults? But if she really was such a good friend, how come she didn''t know or even notice that some topics shouldn''t be touched upon? Hadn''t they known each other for a long, long time? Did they even really know each other? And what about herself, capable of harbouring such evil thoughts, finding fault within everyone and everything? Was she any better? Did she truly care about anyone? Was it not a sign that she, too, was wholly evil that she could only see evil in everyone else? Was she not just as flawed as them? What had she truly come here for, and where was she truly headed? Had she not just been frightened of the thought of returning? Was her visit to Pania not just an excuse? ''Or perhaps, it was my last grasp for hope.'' And what about Kazuya? ̨° He shone too bright for her to ever find fault within him. Or perhaps it was her that had shone too bright a light on him to see his shadow. Or perhaps he truly was kind; perhaps he truly was good? ''We''re all the same. We''re all evil. We''re all good. Some of us might be only evil, but none of us is only good. We all struggle in this hellish world, struggling to stay afloat, struggling not to drown. We all have crawled out of the mud, and mud is where we will return to. We''re all the same. We''re all tainted by this muddy world.'' ? Chapter 6: Uneasy Nights The sheets rustled. The love birds chirped. Nii retracted her feet. There wasn''t enough space. From the corner of her eye, Nii could see Leonie lying on her side, staring into space. No one could sleep that night. It was too hot, damped and cramped. Only the love birds didn''t seem to mind the heat, as they were in their very own. Something had stung her on the chest, a mosquito, and it took all of her energy to shift her focus from the pain and itchy skin irritation. The love birds chirped ruthlessly that night. She was exhausted. How can a single mosquito bite be so physically taxing? Her bones and muscles screamed in pain. The four of them shared a corner of the room deep inside the great ship''s belly, Leonie beside the lovebirds, Nii opposite the three. Should she extend her feet, she could touch theirs, and she''d rather not. So she lay there uncomfortably, awake all night long. And daybreak came. Nii must''ve fallen asleep at some point since she could remember vague images and thoughts of a journey still before them. Past Africa, past India Though, such a route didn''t make much sense. She still felt dazed and tired. When she tried to move her limbs, she suddenly started to feel sick. The journey had taken its toll on her. The long time on the ship and the never-ending heat had really gotten to her. And then there were the mosquitoes. No one else had fallen victim to them as much as she had. Her sides hurt and itched. She must''ve gotten new bites. The others were already up and about. Though no light indicated the beginning of a new day, the watered-down coffee did. ''Even so, it still is a luxury.'' This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Nii figured it would be best to at least put in the effort to get up, but she still felt so tired. As she was trying to sit upright, her shirt slipped, revealing her burning sides. She heard Leonie and Pania giggling next to her. What was that all about? As she followed their gaze, she saw that the bites had swollen and looked horribly deformed. "Sorry," Pania said, still giggling. "We just didn''t expect to see a sight like that." "These are mosquito bites," Nii explained, irritated, though, through her haziness, she sounded even more deprived of human emotion. ''What are those two even thinking?'' "If that''s true, then that''s quite worrying," Mike chipped in. ''Is it?'' She couldn''t form any clear thoughts; everything was hazy and white-washed. She let them inspect her numerous insect bites and, ultimately failing to get up, she simply gave up and fell back into an uneasy slumber. ? She woke up, or had she even been asleep? There was noise. There always was. Leonie and Pania were giggling about something again. The journey and the long-time aboard should have been exhausting for everyone, but most took it better than expected. She saw Kazuya striding past her towards the others who had erected a living space with a makeshift table and cushions. Leonie and Pania sat next to the mattress she was lying on; Mike sat close to them, leaning against the wall connecting to the next room. There was cargo around them. Every nook and cranny of the ship was stuffed with goods and things that might become goods if sold at the right time and place. There was only space for wares, no place for the living. So they had to do with what they could get between things more worth than life. ''Did life ever have any worth? Does mine have any worth?'' ''Not good.'' Every waking hour felt like a living hell. She had never gotten used to the rocking of the ship, even ships that large rock or was it a small ship in contrast to container ships? ''Probably'' Her bites had gotten infected and were festering into an unholy mess. She had no clear view of the living space from her angle on the bed. She could only hear the laughter. She strained her neck with as much energy as she could muster and faintly saw the others sitting around and talking. Then the noise came to a halt. Kazuya had sat down next to them with his guitar. And he began to play an old song, one she had loved deeply, and a yearning began to grow within her. ? Chapter 7: Uneasy Dreams Cyan had always wanted a baby sister. At least, that was what he always told her. It didn''t matter whether it was the truth. It mattered that he genuinely meant to comfort her by saying this, by saying that he was glad to have her as his little sister, that it was okay for her to be there, that he wanted her to be there. And she knew it to be true; his eyes were always telling the truth. He had honest eyes. He was someone living true to his feelings, unlike her. Unlike her, he could live honestly to his feelings without having to fear repercussions. His mother loved him, after all, maybe even a bit too much for his own good. Nevertheless, this was his home ground while she was fighting an away game, had always been. And sadly enough, she couldn''t even complain. She felt his mother''s actions to be justified, though she still hated her. So she spent most of her time away from home if you could call it home. She spent most of her time with Pania, a girl who had hit puberty too early and had begun rebelling against her parents before there were any legal repercussions, and even then, in a backwater town, things were solved differently. Thinking back on it, there had definitely been some lessons lost. As Pania grew ever more rebellious and started to associate with other like-minded people from other towns, Nii began to spend less and less time with her. Though, it was rather that Pania had started spending less and less time with her. It was also around that time that her brother moved to the big city, and Nii began to work part-time just to pay the train fare. She grasped at every opportunity to be away from home, and there always were some: extracurricular programmes at school, volunteer work around town and, of course, exploring nature, of which they had enough around. She would always do so in her trademark yellow raincoat and her bright yellow boots. For some reason, wearing them had always made her feel safe. She really liked the colour and its audacity to refuse to fade into the background. Visiting her brother at every opportunity had done wonders for their relationship. From the beginning, he had always been trying to turn them into a real family, though he had been quite clumsy initially. He had been a child. But now, as an adult, he had seen it as his mission to make her feel welcome in his family. He might have realised the seriousness of the matter, though he had never managed to face the truth by confronting his mother. Every child loves their parents, no matter how despicable they are. So he had tried to do right by her, though there truly was nothing to criticise him for. He had always cared for her and had always been honest in his endeavour, even if that very endeavour had been akin to chains wrapping themselves around her neck. And she, too, had thought of him as family, just as he had. Even though she had never been able to tell him that, she had thought so for the longest time. But she didn''t feel like she belonged anywhere, not where he was, not in this country, and most definitely not the country she had been born in. She had never really known the feeling of belonging, not even when her drunkard of a mother had still been alive, that drunkard of a mother who had used to beat her black and blue. Her mother had been a prostitute and had never really forgiven her for having been born, not even in death. Though she had also loved her, or at least that was what her mother had always told her. Neither did she belong to that mother of his, that mother that had never quite gotten over her Samaritan complex for taking in her dead husband''s bastard child. Stolen novel; please report. Maybe she just didn''t like adults in general. They were always lying. But she did like her brother. Strangely enough, between all the mud and dirt, he had grown up to be pure and clean, as far as that is possible for humans. ''Like a lotus flower.'' His existence was akin to a miracle to Nii, but she still didn''t feel like she belonged. She still felt like drowning. She still had difficulties grasping for air. And she still felt the urge to run away, break free, and take flight. ? "He really is a superb actor!" They were sitting on Cyan''s couch in front of the TV, watching a movie featuring one of their favourite actors. The actor had become big over the last few years. He was someone their age and had incredible talent. "He really is and," Nii added, trying to say something more, but as always, she couldn''t find the words to go on, and her thoughts were soon drowned out. "Isn''t it incredible how different he plays his roles every time? Like, he''s a completely different person." "Yes! And" "And he always takes a completely new approach to acting! This guy is really special, I tell you!" "Absolutely! And the way he acts in this movie! It''s" "Right?! Just look at his face. It''s like looking at a different person! You wouldn''t think they''re the same actor as in that other movie." Cyan never cut her off. This conversation went quite naturally for the two of them since Nii usually talked like this. She always just managed to work up enough courage to begin a sentence but never enough to finish them. From when is this memory? A hazy consciousness echoed in the back of her mind. From before I left to study abroad? No, I look older. That actor, rightThat was afterwards. They spent the whole day in front of the TV, watching every movie featuring that actor of the hour, comparing his roles, his voice, his mimics, his air, his everything. It was fun. They had watched a hard-boiled detective story, a thriller, a horror movie, a love story, had just finished a jet-packed action movie and were in the middle of something between the genres. The scene had just changed. The actor was a musician. Or was the musician an actor? But that wasn''t the focus of the movie. It was a drama, or at least it had a dramatic vibe. He had just played a song, casually chilling with a group of people. Nii could see herself lying there, sick on the bed, unable to move. She could see herself. The actor, the main character, had left the room and taken refuge on the balcony for a smoke. They were in some high-rise building in a big city at night. You could hear the traffic sound, the noise, the blinking neon lights, and the blinking aeroplanes above as they passed by. He took a smoke, inhaled deeply and his happy fa?ade from before crumbled. It was astonishing, so much emotion in such a simple act. "See?! Isn''t he truly amazing!" "Yes, and," she wanted to add something. Something chugged at the edge of her memory. She knew him. She had been there, she had seen him, she had been there. She had been there! "And remember the scene from that detective movie when he''s in the stairway and has that emotional moment? Completely different! This actor is completely crazy!" "He really is amazing, and not only that, but he''s also." I''ve seen this scene. I''ve been there. "He most definitely is! He gives the term actor a whole new meaning!" "And not only that, but he''s also." I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m there, too. I''m here, too! Can you not see me? The memory fades away. And with it, her last thought began to dissipate, like the morning mist and dew upon the leaves: ''I''ve brought you here. So, why are you over there? Why are you over there, where I can''t reach? Why are you always out of reach?'' ? Chapter 8: New Beginnings He was heading downstairs, he needed a smoke, and the city still sold tobacco, and that surprisingly cheap. ''Man, am I glad I took my gizmo with me! I knew they''d come in handy!'' They''d reached Cape Town some time ago and were now chilling in a no longer properly functioning hotel. Every group member was looking for their own continuation of their journey. Their next routes now depended on the destinations the ships took that docked here. Hey, there even were cargo and mail planes! He knew there''d been some in Sao Paulo, too, but none heading in the right direction. He had kind of hoped that their ship would continue to take them all the way to Tokyo from the Port of Santos since that had been a proper trade route at some point. He had grown to like these guys. But maybe it was better that way. Nii had gotten pretty sick along the way, a summer cold or something. Nothing too serious, she had said. But they still had needed medicine. They still would have had to separate here. Just as he came to the foyer, he noticed the devil had already appeared before him. "Speak of the devil!" Kazuya exclaimed. At the front entrance, there was a yellow shape. A short woman clothed from head to toe in yellow was busily fastening her yellow boots. Well, she wasn''t really dressed all in yellow. She had a yellow raincoat with white dots and fitting yellow rain boots. It goes without saying that she was exceedingly over-prepared. It was a hot day as any other, and the light rain served as a short resuscitation at best. But then again, she had been sick. Speaking of which "Are you all right again?" "I''m as fit as a fiddle," Nii said while jumping to her feet. She had a bright smile on her face. "Huh? Well, if you say so. So, what are you up and about?" "I''m heading out to town," she said, her smile growing even brighter. "I''m looking for something!" "For something?" He aligned next to her as they left the building. "Yep!" she said while pivoting in front of him, her smile never leaving her face. She was literally radiating energy. Literally, it felt like she was giving off heat, like an engine in overdrive. "What''s that something?" he smirked at her. It felt like years had fallen off of the girl, and girl was the proper term to describe her. She could have easily hidden amongst the teens, and no one would have been any wiser concerning her age. She began to jump around and dance to an invisible orchestra. "Haha! You''re curious, aren''t you!" she looked at him impishly. "Now, now. Don''t be so mean to an old man!" "I''m looking for a souvenir for my brother," her features suddenly softened into a sweet smile, her voice carrying a melancholic melody. "There was something he''d asked of me, and I obviously can''t go back home without it, the reliable little sister that I am!" The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. At that, her voice grew energetic once more, and she turned her head back to the front. She didn''t seem to be planning on saying any more than this. And to his surprise, she began to sing a song, one that had once inspired him. A song he once had known and loved deeply. Its title was ԥS ? Kazuya''s childhood hadn''t necessarily been the happiest one could imagine, but he had learned how to do with what he got. From early on, he had channelled this never-ending energy dwelling within him into creativity: he formed a band and joined an acting troupe. And he was pretty successful at both, naturally, not in a money-making sense, but as a pastime. He had always been surrounded by free-minded and creative spirits and had truly good friends. He had found his place in the world, had carved it out and continued to live within it. It was a world he didn''t always find beautiful but a life worth living, nonetheless. He continued to go about his creative endeavours until it finally landed him a job, though not in the form he had initially imagined. He had spent his days working part-time jobs and the nights playing in clubs around Tokyo until he had a devout followership, though that, too, hadn''t been his intention. He had always had a knack for socialising and truly getting along with everyone worth getting along with, though that was a skill he never quite acknowledged himself. He just always did what he wanted to and lived the way he wanted to, to the best of his abilities. And that had ultimately led to him being quite the likeable fellow. He was, after all, naturally charming and kind, the best prerequisites to be liked for being you. His big breakthrough came about when he performed in a play put on by old school friends. There just happened to be someone in the audience who could make him big, and it just so happened that his performance was outstanding enough or rather so excellent it could only fit on the big screen. To say it was merrily a matter of luck was preposterous. With his acting carrier, he hadn''t much time left for anything else, and he began to perform seldom and ever more seldom in clubs until he disappeared from the music scene altogether. At first, he didn''t hate that as he was doing something he really loved and could give his everything. At some point, he realised that many of his old friends and fans had begun to leave him, but he simply didn''t have the time to think too much about it. There was always a next huge project waiting for him. And it didn''t take long until Japan grew too small for him. And at that point, he wished someone would have told him to hold onto his good friends, to realise the treasure he had already held in his hands before it was too late. He lost himself. He had lost his way. He had been blinded by a glittering light, and before he knew it, he was all alone and far away from home. It was on a cold winter night that he found himself in a white hospital room. He had had a breakdown. Starring at the white ceiling, he began to question his life decisions; he began to question his life. It was on one of these days on which he was busy brooding twisted thoughts and losing himself in the darkness that he found light. A western guitar was leaning against the hospital room wall adorned with a ribbon on which was written ҹޤءʤ˻δˤϤ롣٤ȤʹäƤƤƤ꤬Ȥ ʤΥեʥЩ`󡣡 It was a clumsy letter, a clumsy letter someone had written with all their might. As he moved closer to take up the guitar, he noticed that there was a package lying next to it. Inside was a music player, half of its space already filled with songs. He brought both of them back to his bed. He plugged in the earphones; he started listening to the music; the song that was playing was ԥS And he heard an old song, one he once had loved deeply and a sound that had once inspired him to make music. And he started crying. And he began to yearn to make music of his own again. And he began to play an old song, one that someone somewhere loved deeply. ? Afterwards, Kazuya moved to his uncle in Sao Paulo to begin a new chapter in his life. But that is a story of another world and for another time. ? Chapter 9: The thing Nii continued singing amazarashi''s song ԥS as they walked through the city. "So, what was it you were looking for again?" Kazuya casually asked, watching as Nii continued to jump across the street to the rhythm of the beat. He had just acquired his holy tobacco for which Nii didn''t even deign a look and was beginning to catch some of her liveliness, not that he needed any more than he already had. "Haha! Are you trying to get me to spill my secret? I can see through your farce!" she peered at him, amused. "Well, I could help you better in our search if I knew what we are looking for?" At that, Nii softly smiled at him. "It''s a rusty object of bygone days." ? I want a souvenir. "What''s with you, all of a sudden?" My friends think we don''t get along. "Huh?" she sounded exasperated, ready to smash her head against the glass walls of the phone booth. Talking with her brother could be so exhausting. He would get emotional so easily, her exact opposite. You never get me anything on your travels! "But I always send you postcards!" That''s not the same, though I appreciate them! They''re lining my entrance! "Great," she remarked sarcastically. But I want something to line my shelves, or heck, even the walls, something of emotional value! "What''s the point? You want me to decorate your apartment?" Oh, please feel free to, but no! I just want to be able to say: ''That''s from my baby sister! She''s travelling all other the world for her crazy job! Isn''t she amazing?'' "So you just want to brag and at that, not even about yourself." What''s so bad about bragging? And why would I need to brag about myself? I already know I''m amazing, but they don''t know that you are, too! "And you want to convince them with worthless trinkets." They''re not worthless. They have emotional value! They''re like keepsakes from you, mementoes! And that''s cool! You know, like in those emotional scenes in movies when someone looks at a keepsake from someone close! It''s got the air of something fantastic! "I''m not dead yet, and you watch too many movies." I know you love stuff like this, too! So, how about it? Can I expect anything next time? When had she ever given off that impression? "Haaah, I still don''t feel like buying worthless ruthings of emotional value. What''s the point of owning things you can''t use? If I feel like supporting the locals, I will not do it by visiting tourist traps!" Well, then, how about art? For cultural appreciation? "I didn''t know you to be a man of culture." Hey, that''s mean! "Maybe something of practical use." Really?! I''ll hold you to your word, young miss! "If I come across something." Well, I guess that''s like you. But don''t make me wait for too long! This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Time passed, and with it, many things until she had forgotten about that trivial conversation and that trifling promise about objects of bygone days. ? Still singing, Nii moved on slightly ahead of him. "So, you''re not looking for anything specific." "Nope," Nii answered lightly while jumping into a puddle. "You could have told me that earlier! That makes things much easier!" "Because you''re so well-versed when it comes to pointless trinkets?" "Was that an attack on my gizmo? I shall rise to this challenge! First argument: they''re not pointless! They carry emotional value! And they are nice to look at!" "What about them is nice to look at?" Nii looked at him incredulously. "You just have no sense for aesthetics. It takes a sensitive soul to understand the value of art!" "So they did serve no point, after all!" "They served the economy! That''s my second argument, by the way." "The economy" "Yep" "Our great economy." "Third argument" "Hey, don''t ignore me!" "I managed to make quite a profit off these worthless trinkets you look down upon so much. Point proven!" Nii looked seemingly amused at this and let the argument go. "I want it to be something of use." "Isn''t it really more important what your brother wants and not what you want?" Quite undeterred by his, once again, valid argument, she said: "But it''s supposed to be a memento between us, so I should also be able to consider it valuable." Kazuya looked at her thoughtfully. Nii had become incredibly outspoken, and the change had seemingly come overnight. He knew from experience that people could change abruptly or show a wholly new side of them, but could people really change this much in such short a time? And Nii continued singing as they moved along. ? The market, if one could still call it that, consisted of prop-up stalls along the way to the port, where most traffic was concentrated these days. And the closer they came to the port, the more people they met, and the more dangerous it got. ''Even if most people don''t seem to care very much, still good that I didn''t let her go alone. She''d definitely get robbed. She doesn''t even seem to pay attention to her surroundings.'' It was true; Nii seemed to be lost entirely in her one world, jumping from stall to stall, from time to time tugging at his sleeve while humming all the while. She had neither eyes nor ears for those around her, merely focusing on the merchandise before her, on the rusty objects of bygone days. Naturally, there were also various objects that did not need to fear rust, not that their condition was any better. People had stopped making things. They now specialised in selling what already existed. ? Moving on and ever on towards the port, they soon began to fade into the hustling and bustling of the crowd consisting of people who still felt like they had somewhere to go, somewhere to be. "The world sure has gotten colourful," Nii suddenly remarked. "Hasn''t it always been?" Kazuya asked. It had been an honest question, one devoid of any hidden meaning, neither denying nor endorsing her observation. He simply accepted it to be her worldview, just as he had accepted her. "Is that so?" she replied softly with a thoughtful look. "Is that so" And like that, they vanished into the colourful crowd, becoming another blob on the grand canvas. ? "What about this?" Kazuya asked, holding up a stained wooden mask adorned with strange symbols. "Of practical use." They had had this same back and forth since they started their search. "But it is of practical use!" he insisted. "And what would that be?" "I don''t know. You could rob a bank with it!" he added as if having had a sudden epiphany. Nii just rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. But what about one of those?" he pointed at a stall draped in faded fabrics. "And what would he do with one of those?" "Wear it as a scarf? Oh, or as a cape! He could also cover himself with it like a blanket. He could even decorate the walls with it! It''s like a superhero of practical use! No? Still no good? You''re really difficult, you know?" he pouted theatrically, not the least bit tired of their game. It was fun, after all. It was entertaining, and it was different to the monotonous sound of everyday life, like a fresh wind in a town filled with stale air. He wouldn''t get tired of it that easily. After several more of these instances and a good deal more bantering, they had come to a stop in front of a stall offering a variety of metallic objects that might have seen a few rainy days too many. But they still looked quite interesting. He would have liked quite well to take several of these with him, their obscure origin and use making them all the more alluring! Some were shaped like bodies, and others like heads with stoic faces. But he was confident that he would never find anything amongst these objects to her liking. Still, wouldn''t hurt to try. He instinctively grabbed the most interesting-looking thing. ''Nothing ventured, nothing gained!'' "What about this?" She gave him an incredulous look. "Is this supposed to be art?" she sounded uncertain, almost unnerved, as if bothered by something. "Well, it definitely has an artistic feel to it." Kazuya stroked his chain as he appraised the longish, rod-like object. "I thought it kind of resembled you with its grumpy-looking face. And see, the rusty part on top kind of looks like red hair!" "Face?" ''So she''s hung up on that part, huh?'' Apparently, the grumpy was fine then. "Yeah, that face is clearly you!" He thought she would pout and stubbornly refuse as she had so many times before, but she didn''t. To his astonishment, she extended her arm towards him. Taking the object into her hands, she began to examine it closely, turning it round and round. And then, she suddenly looked surprised. "What do you use this for?" she asked the street vendor, pointing at the bottom part of the object. "It''s a spice mill." ''So it does have a proper use.'' ? Chapter 10: Home "Now, doesn''t someone look happy?!" "Quite! People always have to eat, after all! It''s ''mission accomplished''!" "So, whatcha gonna do now?" He wasn''t referring to the object. After she had bought the trinket with actual gold coins she had been hiding underneath her countless layers of clothes, they had separated from the crowd, simply staring at the multiple faces passing by. Night had fallen. Still, Nii had made no signs of returning to the hotel and instead returned to her humming while she lovingly gazed at the spice mill as if she had found a long-lost treasure. She had a satisfied look on her face, and an air of accomplishment surrounded her as if she had just completed an important task, a long-time mission, a life mission. A thought had suddenly come to him, like connecting the dots: I''m here to see a friend. I''m going home. She was closer. I figured it''s safer to travel in a group. I''m looking for something! Her erratic behaviour, her awkwardness, her habit of finding excuses and running away; what had she come to Sao Paulo for, again? Whom had she come to meet? To meet an old friend, to confront her past, to overcome her past and to move on, wasn''t that it? So that she could go home without feeling like having failed, so that she could go home with her head held high. Or were these his feelings? Had she succeeded? Though sharing a close relationship with Pania, they hadn''t actually appeared to be all that close. It almost looked like that. No matter how close they got, they would never actually touch. There had been an invisible distance between them that could never be overcome. But wasn''t that the case for everyone? Had he succeeded? Was he ready to face his past, to go back home? Could he really say that he had grown as a person? The changing of the times hadn''t left him untouched, it had let his past seem trivial at some point, and it most likely was. But for himself, wasn''t his past still haunting him? No, not his past. It was his failure that was still haunting him. But wasn''t that, too, the case for everyone? Every time we screw up, these incidents leave us with scars that change us forever. Wasn''t that just how things were? Was that really something to be hung up on? Wasn''t he at this very moment leaving his past behind, this stalemate he had found himself in? Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Kazuya looked at the girl, seemingly growing younger by the second. What had been this burden that had weighed her down so much that she had aged beyond her years? Had it been the things she had seen, the things she had done or perhaps had failed to do? Had it been these social interactions she had so clearly no skills in? If so, why had the burden suddenly been lifted from her? Why did it feel like she had accomplished everything she had sought to do? Had she already put her past behind her? That was it, wasn''t it? But in that case ''She isn''t planning on heading back. She is'' And as if to complete his thoughts: "I''m going home." So that was the reason for the sudden change. There simply had been nothing to burden her anymore. She was free, at last, free to be herself, free to be honest to herself, free to live as she wanted to, as she had always wanted to. "What about you?" Where are you headed? ''I''m heading home We all are heading home, we who live, we who still wander this earth. Home? Where is that?'' The town where he had been born in? The city he had first found his calling? The city where he had lost it? The city where he had started anew? What exactly was home? Where were they all heading to? And, what for? What had they hoped to find? What had they hoped to find afar that had let them wander all across the globe? What were they hoping to find, going back to the places they had left behind so long ago? What would they find? What would he find? What would she find awaiting her? "Will you accompany me for the rest of the journey?" It had never been about a lost friendship. It had never been about safety. It had never been about practicality. It had never been about entertainment, about that change of scenery, though he had clearly been waiting for that fresh wind that would chase out the stale air of the city. But even so, that, too, had just been an excuse, an excuse he had been waiting for; they had all been waiting for. He just hadn''t expected it to take this particular shape. It had always been about them, a reason to move forward in a world where clocks had stopped ticking. It had all been for them. Everything they had done had all been for them. ߤͬ Nii added as she turned her back to the city. "So this is the breaking of the fellowship", huh? She had really gotten to him, hadn''t she? When did that happen? She just laughed at that. She laughed with a clear tone, like bells ringing in the dawn. And together, they headed into the distance. Home. Epilogue 1 Whence have we come from, and where are we headed? The emptiness within us all, the great unease of not knowing why we are here or what we are, what are we? And was our downfall decided from the very beginning? Why are we the way we are? Are our genes at fault? Did we really have to end up like this? Have our genes forbidden us from straying from the path headed towards self-destruction? Why were we born human? Did we have to be human? Did we have to destroy the world we lived in? Was that really the only way, as long as we remained to be human, to destroy everything? Theyd arrived at a once great city of stone, now a city of rubble and ruin, paying homage to modern society, a grave built of stone. Theyd landed the day before following a more or less comfortable flight nestled between boxes. If you set your mind to it, you can do everything, she had said as theyd stood outside the last remains of a fence, if its physically and technically possible, that is. "That''s the kind of world we now live in. One in which everything goes, and no one cares anymore. Most are gone, and those still around are hurt too deeply to give a damn about anything. He had shortly been worried shed been planning on hijacking a plane, but theyd actually come to a peaceful agreement in the end. I guess it is true that anything goes. ζǤȐζǡ But then again, the world had never been that kind of a place. Climbing over rubble and stone, he followed her closely as they made their path through the ruins. There werent many big cities that had been spared from the bombing, or rather, the only ones that had been spared had simply already been laid to ruin by natural catastrophes, another one of mankinds evil plots to destroy itself. There were also no towns, villages, communities or isolated houses that still stood as they once had before the fall of civilisation. Everything that now existed was a poor excuse for a reconstruction of the world as we once knew it, a mockery at best. But values had greatly changed, if not almost but disappeared. There wasn''t much left to value anymore, after all. No children to protect, the young and the old had been the first to fall victim to the poisonous air and those hiding from it to disease. No loved ones, no family, only a handful of lucky survivors were left of humanity to form new communities. And numbed by the pain, most had lost all interest in the world or society as a whole. Only the need for the bare necessities remained. People still needed to eat, should they not have the courage to let go of life or were too stubborn to give up on it, even if there was nothing left for them to look forward to. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. ''It''s been midnight in our world for so long, and no one looks for the dawn anymore.'' Since infrastructure had crumbled, and until a new old-fashioned manually manned system had been erected, all contact between the last remnants of humanity had been lost. And for the most part, it had remained that way. Those stranded across the globe, far away from what they would have considered ''home'', had been too afraid to find out the true condition of that which they had left behind and had chosen to stay ignorant. Naturally, the end of the world hadnt been a sudden one. Had not everyone known this would happen sooner or later? Having ravaged the ecosystem for so long, not even their parents'' generation had had any prospects left, nothing to hope for, no future. This begs the question, for what purpose had they been born into this already dead world? Weve been born to die. Having depleted the resources and poisoned the waters and the air, vast areas of land had begun to become uninhabitable before his generation was even old enough to vote. They had seen the world fall apart, being sentenced to death by the adults before they had any legal rights to challenge them. No open ear had been ready to listen to what they had to say. They were only children, after all. And once they had finally grown up, nothing was left to say. So they had awaited their doom while the wars had worsened and the world had taken on a shade of brown and grey. Dust had begun to fall, covering the lands like a blanket. Finally, night had fallen, never to fade. And the final blow had been some trivial argument, one that would end the modern world. And still, there was life. And still, there were those living in the aftermath, amongst the ruins. They walked on through the wide open field, a sight unthinkable before the fall of the skyscrapers trying to challenge the heavens like the tower of Babylon once had. Only the foundations of former buildings now decorated the wayside. And on they walked, passed them until they came to a green meadow stretching far into the horizon. Even during the night of the world, at this very edge, New Zealand remained a marvel of nature. And across this miracle, someone had haphazardly been digging holes. Someone had been digging graves. Someone had bothered to care for the dead, though they most likely did so more than they did for the living. Kazuya let his gaze wander across this last great monument of mankinds tenacity as he stood and waited for Nii to find what she''d been looking for. At last, she came to a halt in front of a broken stone and, walking up to her, they had finally come to the conclusion of their long, long odyssey and of her journey. Im home. And she carefully placed the souvenir on the grave, the one she had failed to bring home for so long. So she hadnt chosen it for its usefulness, huh? ? So, what do we do now? "Now, we head towards the future," Nii said, smiling softly, turning her back on her past. And we go as far as our wings take us. And as far as our paths run together, well be each others company. Then, I guess its gonna be a long way yet. Epilogue 2 So, whats next? They''d been silent for a while now, and the sun had begun to set. At that, she turned around and with the most radiant smile yet, she said Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! äˎäƤƤ꤬ȤޤΤӤƤƤ꤬Ȥơ줫AƤ͡Է֤餷ǡʤ餽줬Ǥ롢ꤷ ԤȤԤäơshe fell to the ground, never to rise again. ? And there they still lay, buried six feet deep, together at last, united by death, together as one family. Epilogue 3 After acquiring her ''thing'', Nii looked relieved, as if a great burden had been lifted from her. She had begun to look even more liberated, freed, as if she was growing wings. And turning around, she looked at him and said: ޤƤơƤơӤӤƤƤ꤬Ȥ And she collapsed. ? Examining her closely, he soon realised that beneath her layers of clothes, besides barely weighing more than a little child, her body had been covered in abscesses. The doctors had marvelled at her tenacity to stay alive for so long and shown much interest in her corpse, but he''d refused them for a very practical reason. Shes on her way home. And Im going to accompany her for the rest of the way. Finding a plane that would take him to Auckland hadnt been as impossible as he first thought, though the urn had gotten him many suspicious looks. In the end, he had to sell his guitar to make the rest of the journey. But he didn''t need it anymore, anyways. He could always find a new way to make music, a new music befitting a new world. The idea got him all fired up, the idea of a future. ? Her brother''s city looked just as bad as all others, a heap of debris and remnants of former great buildings. But even amidst this, there was life. People had taken over the more usable-looking ruins, and even here, there was a systematic structure with which the community of survivors functioned and with which one could find the people they were looking for. The only reason anyone had these days to go anywhere was to find someone, after all. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. ? Her brother was a frail man with an effeminate face. He most likely had been handsome at some point, but the weight of the years and the changing of the world had worn him out. His eyes were sunken in, though they bulged out for a short moment as they first met, and his brow was heavily wrinkled. He had aged beyond his years. Still, there was an air of kindness around him and wisdom to be found in his eyes of a kind that usually only comes with old age and barely even then. "So she''s finally managed to get me a souvenir after all these years. She''d always been the slow kind. Welcome home, sis." ? Where do we come from, where are we headed, and for what purpose? Why should we keep running through all the pain and all the suffering with no relief in sight? Thats not whats really important. There might be a charm found in chasing after questions were likely never to answer, but thats beside the point. Whats important is how you use the life that was given to you, be it chasing great questions, buried gold or fame and wealth, as long as you live a life true to yourself, striving not to regret the choices you have made by tomorrow, even if they''d been empty ones. Who had it been that had told him that? A conversation in the corner of a bar in Tokyo so many lives ago. He had just ended his first live performance after coming to the big city and felt utterly lost. "I really liked your sound!" she had said. A girl with flaming red hair approached him right after he had left the stage. It had been an energetic phrase belying her blank face, devoid of any kind of emotion. They had shared a drink together afterwards, two lost souls in the city. She had seemed to be even more lost than him. Perhaps he had found comfort in that someone with eyes holding nothing could speak such words of hope. It is funny how paths that seemingly align can make us feel so lonely, never to run into another, and that others that run so far apart should happen to cross each other many times. We might all be different. We might all be running on different paths through life. But in the sense that we all wish for the latter, for our paths to cross, were all the same Afterword To those who have lost their way and wandered into this corner of the deep web (in case you should be reading this on my website), thank you very much for reading this little story of mine! You are free to imagine as many endings to this story as possible, especially for all the points at which things could have gone horribly south or simply come to a halt. Please consider this version with its three endings as the one I deemed worth telling, the ones in which they came so far. Because they made it so far, there now are stories to be told. This story is a very detailed retelling of a dream I had last Saturday (the 14th of January, 2023). One that wouldn''t release its hold on me even after waking from my dream, so I decided to write it down. Neeve (or Nii as she is called here) and her brother Cyan belong to a story cycle (Neeve''s rise and fall) I am currently working on, though, to be exact, it''s more of a life project. This includes short stories, picture books, a visual novel (Bawaajigan), and most digital drawings I make that include characters. These characters all have their own stories and are all somehow connected, mainly through their relationship with Neeve. That''s why she''s featured in the title of my story cycle. These stories and characters have been accompanying me for almost 15 years now (approximately since 2009 or 2010, okay, not 15 years just yet). Over the years, this fictional universe (or not so fictional) has seen many changes and additions. I fear that one lifetime wouldn''t be enough to tell all there is to tell, especially since it is continuously growing. I''ve always had a knack for inventing my own worlds. One of my first memories as a very young child consists of this very first universe I have ever created. I must have been four at best. Back then, my stories centred around the creation of the universe, by three sisters, by the way, who would continue to hop from one planet to the next, terraforming the planets into inhabitable ones, creating civilisations and cultures. At some point during grade school, these characters and the universe they lived in had become too grand, and I began to recreate the world over and over in the hope of forming an emphatic bond, something you can''t really do with god-like beings. The funny thing is, Neeve ended up inhabiting both aspects: That which one could only consider as ''other'' as well as something everyone should be able to relate to (or maybe not). Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. But enough about that, the last thing I still want to mention is how pleased I am with the creation of Kazuya, something I absolutely did not expect to happen and a character I never even considered creating. He has fascinating parallels with the main character of my game, Bawaajigan, which made his existence and inclusion in my story cycle all the more interesting (for me, that is)! And last but not least, or perhaps the most important thing, the song that Neeve is singing in the later part of the story (after her sudden change, which fits so wonderfully into her character development in my overall story) is amazarashi''s Cassiopeia mooring, as YouTube tells me it is supposedly written in English... ԥS in Japanese or Cassiopeia keiryuujou for the romaji transliteration. It''s what she was singing in my dream. Interestingly enough, I''d been just hyping their newest song, Antinomy. Well, the brain''s a truly marvellous place. And I also quite clearly remember that the song Kazuya had been playing on his guitar when he mingled amongst their fellow companion was, as a matter of fact, not his nor my creation. My brain sometimes also does that in dreams, but not this time. It had been one of Kitani Tatsuya''s. One of his from the cutely called Leaks from his computer, but I can''t quite remember which one. For those few people who should ever find this story, please check out what stimulated my brain during that wild dream (these two artists above, namely) and look forward to more, for more will follow!