《Mr. Stompy》 Chapter 1 - I Don鈥檛 Know Where I Am The world is teeming with strange and inexplicable events. Many of these events are simply too complex to be understood by anything other than an omniscient being. Others simply make no sense because the universe in general makes no sense. But every so often, an event will unfold that could be completely understood but for the lack of one important fact. This is the story of just such an event. The story begins, harmlessly enough, with a nurse named Linda. Linda was traveling home from the red-eye shift at the hospital. She frowned at the sun as it emerged from the horizon to her left. The light from the sun was strobing between the trees while she drove, making her feel even worse than she already did. She was tired, overly caffeinated, and her body felt like it was humming slightly, which was its way of signaling that if it did not get some rest soon then it was going to shut down on its own accord ¡ª possibly for good. She was therefore fortunate to live only a few blocks from the hospital. She pulled into her parking spot and forced her somewhat bulky body to make the journey from the car, up the stairs, and into her apartment. Being of a caring and considerate nature, Linda opened her door as quietly as she could and closed it behind her gently, as to not disturb the neighbors. Before she turned on the lights, and before she could even know why, she froze in terror. The animal part of her brain was screaming at her: SOMETHING IS WRONG! She froze dead still while the more cognitive part of her brain, now fueled by both caffeine and adrenaline, began to rapidly assess her surroundings. She quickly came to this conclusion: she was not alone in the apartment. She struggled to keep her breathing quiet, and dared not take any steps for fear that the squeaky hardwood floor would give her away. She closed her eyes and concentrated; she could hear mumbling coming from the other side of the house. Two alternate futures flicked across the movie screen of her imagination. She pictured herself bravely investigating the noise, only to have the squeaky floor give her away just before the lurking madman raped and stabbed her. Then she pictured herself quickly but quietly fleeing the apartment and calling the police from the safety of her locked Volvo, and she liked that scenario much better. But as she turned around to make for the door, she heard what the lurking madman was saying, and it complicated her decision. If she heard him correctly, it sounded like he was saying, ¡°I don¡¯t know where I am. I don¡¯t know where I am. I don¡¯t know where I am.¡± He also sounded like he was sobbing, which made the nurse part of her brain want to give the idea of investigation another chance. Against her better judgment, she stealthily made her way across the living room and then cautiously poked her head around the corner. In the bathroom at the end of the hall, the light from the new dawn illuminated the figure of a man who was sitting on the floor and hugging his legs as he continuously muttered, ¡°I don¡¯t know where I am¡­¡± The man was dressed in sweatpants, a t-shirt, and socks with no shoes. He was in front of the bathroom vanity, which was open. He was also surrounded by the former contents of the vanity, which were now scattered around the bathroom as if he had been hurriedly digging them out while looking for something. As Linda studied the man, she saw that he was bleeding badly from the back of his head. Her inner nurse beckoned her to rise to the occasion and help this man, but a more rational part of her forced her to go back outside and call the police and ambulance first. After she did this, she stiffened her resolve and entered the apartment once again. She left the door open for the police, and also to facilitate a hasty retreat if things got ugly. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. As she entered her apartment, she made a little more noise in the hopes of giving this strange man some advanced notice of her arrival. She walked casually across the living room, cautiously rounded the corner, and bravely entered the hallway. To her surprise, the man seemed oblivious to her entrance. He was still hugging his legs, rocking slightly, and muttering. Linda was about fifteen feet away from him, which was as close as she dared to go. She cleared her throat. No reaction. She tried it again. Nothing. Finally she called out (perhaps a little too loudly), ¡°Hello?¡± The man flinched, looked at her in panic, and then tried to scrabble under the sink. To her surprise, he actually fit inside the vanity. The man shook like a frightened puppy and whimpered, ¡°Please help me. I don¡¯t know where I am.¡± Clearly he was not a threat, so Linda slowly made her way to the bathroom, all the while giving the man her assurance that she was a nurse and was there to help him. She pushed aside a few shampoo bottles that were in her way and sat down next to him. She gently touched his arm and told him the age-old lie: everything is going to be OK. With a little more friendly reassurance, she convinced him to come out from under the sink so that she could examine his injury. The man would not leave the perceived safety of the bathroom, so she had him sit on the toilet as she worked. While she was disinfecting his wound, she tried to get some idea as to what the heck he was doing in her apartment. She started with a simple introduction. ¡°I¡¯m Linda. What is your name?¡± The man squinted and touched his head. ¡°Sssss. Ss. Sussss¡­¡± ¡°Sam?¡± suggested Linda. The man looked pained and offered her a faint shrug. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said slowly. ¡°I seem to have forgotten. Where am I?¡± ¡°In my bathroom,¡± she explained. The man glanced around. ¡°I see. Why am I here?¡± Linda let out a short laugh, more out of exasperation than humor. ¡°That¡¯s what I want to know. How did you get in here?¡± The man squinted and held his head in pain again. After a moment, he looked at her with hopeless resignation. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m sorry. I really don¡¯t know. If I try to remember anything, I get a stabbing pain in my head. I¡¯m so tired. I just want to sleep.¡± ¡°No, no, no!¡± insisted Linda, loud enough to make the man jump. ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to startle you, but you mustn¡¯t sleep. You have a head injury and signs of a concussion. An ambulance is on the way to take you to the hospital. In the mean time, just keep talking to me, OK?¡± The man nodded his head. ¡°OK, but then what¡¯s going to happen to me? I don¡¯t know where I live.¡± He exhaled dejectedly. ¡°I don¡¯t even know who I am.¡± His eyes started to tear. Linda rubbed his shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. They are taking you to the hospital where I work. I¡¯ll be there later this evening to check on you. I¡¯m sure you will get your memory back soon, and everything will work out just fine.¡± ¡°And if I don¡¯t get my memory back?¡± asked the man. Linda continued to rub his shoulder. ¡°Well, we¡¯ll worry about that if it happens. I¡¯ll help you out as much as I can.¡± ¡°Linda,¡± said the man softly, ¡°just¡­ thanks. You¡¯re being so good about this. You¡¯re a really great person. I¡¯m sorry about this. I¡­¡± he sighed, ¡°I¡­ I¡¯m just lost right now.¡± Linda smiled and was about to give the man a hug when the police called out from the living room and scared them both. The man quickly bent over and started to rock back and forth while muttering, ¡°We don¡¯t like the noise, do we? We don¡¯t like the noise. We don¡¯t like the noise.¡± Chapter 2 - At the Hospital telenovela. She walked over to the foot of his bed and grabbed his chart. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Una cerveza por favor. I¡¯d love to know where I picked that one up from.¡± ¡° This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Chapter 3 - Cohabitation By the end of the week, Sam still had not regained his memory apart from strange flickers of recollection ¡ª odd images without context or meaning ¡ª a certain car, a field surrounded by trees, a scraggly looking cat. None of it made any sense, and none of it seemed useful in discovering his identity. Linda was true to her word and took him into her home. And Sam was true to his word and made himself as useful and unobtrusive as possible. The two of them got along quite well together. Linda had a naturally pleasant disposition, and Sam was humble, thankful, and courteous to her in return. And so the two of them soon became very close, not as lovers, and not as friends, but perhaps as a special brand of family. Sam had unfortunately lost much of his education along with his identity, so finding work without skills or identification proved daunting, if not impossible. To help with this, Linda adopted Sam as her own, giving him her last name of Carter. She also convinced the hospital brass to hire him as a janitor. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. Sam was very thankful for Linda making him ¡°a real person¡± again, and so he took the janitorial job without complaint. As it happened, he proved to be a genius with mechanisms and quickly earned a reputation around the hospital as the go-to guy for getting something fixed. After a year or so, his prowess with machinery was officially recognized, and he was given a small workshop in the basement and a sizable raise. On the door to his workshop, someone had affixed a sign that read ¡°Mr. Fixit.¡± Sam took some pride in that. Chapter 4 - We Don鈥檛 Like Him, Do We? Who really is this Sam person?, Why was he in Linda¡¯s apartment?, and What was the cause of his injury? The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. it happened again, about a year after the first incident. ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° ¡° Chapter 5 - Alone This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Chapter 6 - Something Wicked Upstairs Comes one day someone new moved in upstairs. Strangely, Sam never saw the moving trucks. One day it was quiet upstairs, and the next day he was alarmed to hear loud stomping above his head. He thought for a moment that it might be an angry ghost come to haunt him. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Chapter 7 - Meet Mr. Stompy Jeopardy! against two former champions, and beat them both. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Chapter 8 - The End is the Beginning Steve woke up suddenly from sleep and shouted, ¡°I¡¯ve got it!¡± He leapt out of bed and danced around his bedroom in excitement. ¡°Albert Einstein, you dummy! You had it all wrong this whole time.¡± Even though Steve was not wearing his boots, there is no doubt that Sam must have heard all of this downstairs, and was probably not happy about any of it, especially because it was nearly six in the morning. And no doubt, also, that the mention of ¡®Einstein¡¯ did not go unnoticed. Steve rushed over to his makeshift workroom and started making adjustments to his setup. After about ten minutes of tinkering, he grabbed four small cubes and took them over to the bathroom. Each of the cubes had a thin wire attached to it, which connected it to the main unit in the workroom. Steve used double-sided tape to stick them to the four corners of the cabinet surrounding his sink. He ran back to his workroom to fetch a flashlight and a hammer, the latter of which he used to pry the trim panel loose from the bottom of the cabinet. He tossed the panel behind him and peered beneath the cabinet with the aid of the flashlight. Nothing was under there but dust and spiderwebs. Then Steve knelt down in front of the sink and began flipping the switches on the four small cubes. He took a few breaths before he flipped the final switch, as if running though a mental checklist. Finally, with some flourish, he flipped the last switch. The front of the cabinet went black. That is to say, it completely disappeared and was replaced by an impossibly black rectangle with four small cubes at each corner. Steve let out a loud whoop of excitement. His cat came up beside him to see what all the fuss was about, and if any food was perhaps involved in it. Steve held a hand in front of the cat and started talking to it, ¡°Whoa, you don¡¯t want to go through there. If I¡¯m right, that will send you five years back in time. And if I¡¯m wrong, well, I doubt I¡®d ever get the smell out of the bathroom.¡± You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. The cat rubbed up against him, wondering if food was coming yet or not. Steve took a nickle from his pajama pants and showed it to the cat. ¡°See, a nice, new nickle.¡± The cat sniffed it. It wasn¡¯t food. Steve placed it on the floor and took a picture of each side of it while explaining to the cat, ¡°Yes, I know, this is hardly scientific proof, but I just want to see if this works or not. You see, I¡¯m going to send this back in time five years. I trust that the person who lived here before me probably never went rummaging beneath the bathroom sink, so there is every reason to expect that it will be unmolested when I recover it five years later, which is today of course.¡± The cat looked unconvinced. Steve, undeterred by his cat¡¯s skepticism, picked up the nickle and rolled it under the sink. ¡°Now you see, all I have to do is shut down the emitters and collect the nickle, which should be noticeably tarnished from five years of dampness.¡± As Steve bent forward to turn off the cubes, his cat glanced behind him in surprise. Because right behind Steve was Sam, who was holding the trim panel in the air with a very agitated look on his face. Sam swung down sharply and cracked the trim panel over the back of Steve¡¯s head. That stupid head. He hated it. He had wanted to smash it for so long, and now he finally could. Steve lurched forward from the impact and fell through the black hole. The cat meowed at Sam. Sam saw it and said, ¡°There you are, Einstein! Did that mean old Mr. Stompy steal you? We don¡¯t like Mr. Stompy, do we?¡± The cat purred in response and rubbed against the corner of the cabinet, dislodging one of the emitters and thus closing the rift in time. Sam picked him up and took him back to his apartment, where the cat was finally given some food. Steve was never heard from again. He simply disappeared without a trace. But we know the truth behind this inexplicable event. We know what happened to him, because we¡¯ve read Chapter 1. THE END (AND THE BEGINNING) Bonus If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.