《Cherry On Top》


 1.1 | Code Name Cherry

    Note:


    The dialogue in this book is written in Singlish (the type of English spoken by Singaporeans). While it should be understandable for all English speakers, the glossary for all Singlish terms and slang used is included at the end. Just trying to showcase an authentic feel of the country here!


    ---??


    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 3, 2014, Monday.


    Leading a double life sounds exciting, doesn''t it? Like something out of a spy novel? But it''s actually tiring. Really tiring, and this class isn''t helping.


    The words on the whiteboard turn into a blur as I stifle a yawn. An early morning class right after the week of Chinese New Year is the definition of torture, especially if it is an Econ class.


    As Mr. Lim drones on about the ''demands and supplies of a free market'', my mind drifts away. This class would be more interesting and useful if it were How to Get Rich Quick in Singapore. Nowthatwould certainly have my full attention.


    Stifling yet another yawn, I start doodling egg tarts, kueh lapis, and other tiny local pastries in the margins of my notebook. As usual, my eyes wander over to the girl sitting at the front of the classroom¡ªand linger.


    RJ.


    She is studying the whiteboard with her back straight against the chair and her arms folded across her chest. Every so often, she gives Mr. Lim a short nod of understanding before flicking her light brown hair from her shoulders. From the way his face lights up, RJ''s nods are probably the only ones Mr. Lim gets that are not from students dozing off.


    Next to RJ, however, none of her friends are paying any attention at all. In fact, her boyfriend, Jon Kwek, is completely slumped on top of the table¡ªwait, is he drooling? My nose wrinkles as I shift my eyes back to RJ. She is a lot more pleasing to look at.


    I admire her ability to stay engaged in class all the time. She''s also the top scorer in school and, from what I hear, a skilled tennis player for the school team. I wonder what her secret is. Coffee? Red bull? Getting the recommended eight hours of sleep a day? That may also explain why her skin is so smooth.


    Being one of the richest girls at school probably helps too. A wave of her hand probably summons her a Red Bull-infused coffee from her maid.


    Slowly, my doodle transforms into winged baby calves with pastries all over them.


    "I seesomeoneis swooning over Jon." Emma''s voice snaps me out of my daydream.


    "Har?" I whisper back frantically. "No, I''m not!"


    Emma raises her eyebrows. "You''ve been doing nothing but staring at him," she says with a soft chuckle. "Don''t worrylah, Chloe, even though he''s RJ''s boyfriend, you can stillEChim, you know."


    I wince. Eye-candy? Overthatguy? Emma must be out of her mind. "I''mnotEC-ing himlah. He''s not even my type."


    "I thought you said all rich people are your type?"


    "I¡ª Well, yeah, okay, whatever, I stand by that. Whoever said money doesn''t buy happiness needs to take over my life. But that doesn''t mean IEChim, okay?"


    Another laugh escapes Emma''s throat, but we immediately close our mouths when Mr. Lim rotates in our direction to explain the meaning of the demand curve. The moment he spins back to the board, Emma leans toward me again.


    "Okay, so if not Jon, who were you staring at?" she asks. "Don''t tell me Logan."


    I almost let out a groan. Logan Bam is another person in RJ and Jon''s ''rich kids'' clique, and he is currently slouching next to the sleeping Jon and spinning his pen around his fingers. The pen flies out of his hand every other minute and he has to scramble around to pick it up.


    "Not Logan, please. I''d rather date Adrianlah."


    Emma nudges the boy next to her. "Eh, you hear that, Adrian? Chloe says she wants to date youleh."


    Before I can even defend myself, Adrian pokes his head from behind Emma''s head and deadpans, "Never."


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    If Mr. Lim had not turned around, I would have reached over and smacked the glasses off of that boy''s head.


    ---


    Right after the last class bell rings, I jolt out of my seat and begin stuffing my notes into my bag.


    "Oh, you leaving for work?" Emma asks.


    "Oh, yeah, sorry... I have a shift every day now."


    Emma and Adrian exchange a concerned look.


    "Every day? But what about your CCA?" Adrian asks, his brows furrowing above his round glasses.


    "I... I told Ms. Goh about my mother, and she gave me the approval to skip out on extracurricular requirements this year," I explain. "I want to work as much as I can before A levels, you know?"


    "But you never hang out with us anymore..." The disappointment in Emma''s voice feels like a stab in my heart.


    After all, the three of us used to hang out every day after school. We used to be inseparable, but we have not been able to do that for months now.


    "I''m- I''m sorry, Emma..."


    "It''s okaylah." Emma forces the usual cheery expression back on her face. "It''s not your fault anyway. Is your mom doing better, by the way?"


    A bitter lump grows inside my throat, but I gulp it down. "Not too bad, actually. Her eyes don''t hurt so much now. But I don''t know..."


    She gives my arm a supportive squeeze. "It''s not getting worse, so that''s a good sign, right?"


    I give her an appreciative smile. "Yeah, it is."


    "Oi, remember to bring back some leftover pastriesah," Adrian interjects.


    Of course, Adrian has to ruin the sentimental moment between Emma and me. I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out. "Yeahlah, yeahlah, greedy pig."


    "Eh, I heard BreadTalk throws out extra bread every night, okay? I just want to reduce food waste."


    "Yeah, right, because you''resuchan eco-friendly person. Okaylah, I need to go now, or I''m gonna miss my bus. See you guys tomorrow!"


    Swinging my bag over my shoulders, I give my friends a quick wave and scamper out of the classroom.


    When I am safely away from prying eyes, my secret work routine activates.


    First, I dart into the school gym and change out of my school uniform. Some basic home clothes will do, nothing too fancy. Next, I rush towards the bus stop. Bus 154 comes right on time and I manage to get on. The bus ride is forty minutes, which is just enough time for me to put on my make-up, remove my ponytail, and style my hair with a few squirts of hairspray. I even sneak a few bites of snacks to satisfy my growling stomach. At last, I reach my destination, all dolled up and ready for work.


    Unlike what I have been telling everyone, the place I work at is not BreadTalk.


    Instead, it is a place with bright neon decor and disco lights.


    It is a place with music so loud that it drowns out the customers'' lustful chatter, so loud that I can hear it one street down despite the soundproofed walls.


    It is a place bustling with people looking for a good time¡ªmen in unbuttoned suits and women in tight dresses. Yes,thatsort of good time.


    The place I work at is a hostess bar masquerading as a karaoke bar.


    I bustle through the back door of Tropic Falls Karaoke & Bar and head straight for the changing room.


    "Cherry!" Two girls in tight, glittery dresses squeal in delight. "You''re finally here!"


    "Hey Mango, hey Sakura!" I greet. Those are not their real names, but we all go by tropical-themed code names here to protect our identities.


    I quickly strip off my clothes and slip into the same dresses that my colleagues are wearing. Tight, glittery, low-cut, and short¡ªmy school''s discipline master will get a heart attack if she ever sees anybody from school wearing this.


    "Clementine says there''s a bunch of newbies this weekleh," Mango says as she puts on her disguise. The pastel yellow of her mask complements her long blonde hair. "They better tip wellsia."


    Sakura smacks her lips together in one last attempt to color them. Her lip gloss has the same shade as the pink mask above her nose. "Aiya, the tip doesn''t matterlah. What matters is keeping them as regulars. That pays a lot better in the long run."


    "Well, here''s to doing both." I lift my crimson mask as if I were lifting a wine glass. "Cheers."


    "Cheers!"


    I press my mask to my face and step out of the changing room with Mango and Sakura. Darkness enshrouds the bar, while strobing lights fill my vision. A tall, tanned woman with bright blue hair arrives in front of us.


    "There you guys are," Clementine says with a hand on her hip. Her strong American accent cuts through the noise of the bar. "Mango and Sakura, there are newbies in rooms five and nine. Cherry, your regular, Chan Chunseng, is in VIP room three. Come on now, chop-chop, get to work."


    The three of us nod and scurry away.


    My heart beats off my chest as I smooth my dress. It has been a month, but the job never gets easier. I have to do well though. As long as I work hard enough, as long as I get enough tips, I can earn enough money. And then, I can quit this job once and for all.


    I just have to pull through these few months.


    The door to VIP room three stands in front of me. I take in a deep breath and let it out shakily. Forcing out the biggest smile I can manage, I push open the door.


    "Welcome back, Mr. Chan!"


    ---


    Clementine leans forward at the bar table. "Hey, Cherry, you... swing that way too, right?"


    I frown at my boss as I place a plate of empty glasses down. "What?"


    "There''s a rather..." ¡ªshe considers her words¡ª "unusualcustomer."


    "What do you mean?"


    Clementine''s eyes fix on me as she taps her copper skin with her fingers. In the dimly lit bar area, her bright blue hair stands out against the shelves of liquor.


    "Hm. Well, never mind, you''ll find out when you get there." She waves her hand at me. "There''s a newbie at VIP room one. Go go."


    "Uh... Okay."


    Casting a curious glance at Clementine, I grab a menu and head over to the VIP room.


    What kind of customer is this newbie? And why was Clementine acting so strange about it? My boss does get a little antsy when it comes to first-time customers. After all, the main revenue for the bar is from regulars, especially those who have a favorite bargirl. Thus, making a good impression on newbies is paramount for us. But I have been working here for a month now, with a decent list of regulars under my belt, so why the unusual hesitation in Clementine''s voice?


    When I reach the room, I put on a large smile and push open the door.


    "Welcome to Tropi¡ª"


    The words die in my throat.


    The customer is a girl.


    And that girl is RJ.

 1.2

    RJ.


    Shin Ruijun.


    The Shin Ruijun.


    My classmate. The most popular girl in school, and the prettiest girl, ever. And she practically bleeds money.


    And she is now my customer.


    Instead of our school uniform and its restricting knee-length skirt, she is wearing an off-shoulder, navy blue jumpsuit that allows her legs the full range of motion¡ªand it seems that she is taking full advantage of it. Leaning against the white leather couch, her elbow props on a cushion as she manspreads like some of our cockiest male customers.


    What the hell is she doing here? This is not a bar for ladies. And why would anybody from our school even be here?


    Wait, is she going to report me to the school for working here?


    "Yes?" RJ''s cool voice snaps me back to reality. "You the server, or what?"


    I push my faltering lips back together. That''s right; I am covering half my face. RJ does not recognize me. There is nothing to fear.


    Ignoring the thumping heart that is threatening to burst out of my chest, I switch to my sickly sweet work voice.


    "Yes! Yes, I am! Welcome to Tropic Falls ah, chiobu!" ¡ªThat term feels weird on my tongue. ''Pretty lady'' is what customers call me, not the other way around.¡ª "My name is Cherry, and I will be your server for the night. Let me get you started with some drinks, alright? Here''s the menu."


    RJ furrows her brows and tilts her head. The large golden loops hanging at her earlobes slide across her bare shoulders. For a moment, I worry that she is scrutinizing me and realizing my identity, but she clicks her tongue and says, "No need lah. Get me two bottles of your finest wine, and a classic gin martini for me. Thank you."


    A shudder runs down my spine. Despite being outside of school and out of her school uniform, RJ is still as fierce and intense as ever, maybe even more so. Once again, I wonder what her secret is for being like this all the time. It has to be energy drinks.


    "S- Sure thing, chiobu." Oh god, I''m stuttering. Flustered, I add a well-practiced wink before leaving the VIP room.


    The moment I close the door shut, I bolt towards the bar area as if RJ''s eyes had set my dress on fire. My body crashes onto the table Clementine sits at, and I slump onto the glossy surface.


    RJ. RJ in the bar. RJ in the VIP room. RJ, my customer.


    And I winked at her.


    Sure, that''s what I always do to make all my customers feel special, but this is RJ.


    I winked at RJ!


    Above the deafening roars of my heart, I hear Clementine chuckle.


    "So, how is the new customer? Pretty hot, right?"


    My cheeks heat up at the question. "She''s- She''s okay..."


    She''s my classmate and super pretty and I stare at her every day in class, is what I actually wanted to say.


    "Just okay?" The smirk on my boss widens.


    Not wanting to actually combust into flames, I quickly change the topic. "Why is she... Why is she here ah, by the way? Do you know?"


    "She''s meeting with some of our regulars, so they probably recommended this place to her. You know, when she called to make a reservation, I told her about our VIP rooms, and she just went ahead and booked one, like it''s nothing."


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    "Oh, of course lah, she''s rich¡ª"


    "Oh? You know her?" Clementine''s eyes light up.


    "Uh, not really, but... yeah..."


    "That''s awesome!" She claps her hands together, giving me the same wide, eager smile she has whenever I tell her I caught a new regular for the bar. "Please work hard to keep her as a regular, alright? I''m counting on you, Cherry. You''re one of the best girls I have."


    The taste in my mouth turns bitter as I gulp. "Y- Yeah... Sure..."


    "Oh, I love seeing women as customers, you know? They''re so rare! When I first started this business back when I first came to Singapore, I actually envisioned this bar to be one that caters to everyone. Alas, my girls are pretty and draw in too many men. Only men, to be honest. Nothing wrong with men, of course, but I want more diversity."


    As my boss prattles on about her old business plans, I grab the two wine bottles and order a glass of classic gin martini from the bartender. I do not have the heart to tell her that RJ is never going to become a regular here. She is a top student at the best Junior College in Singapore, and she has a boyfriend. She is probably here to meet some people who happened to drag her here, and after today, she will never return.


    With RJ''s order arranged on a tray, I trot back to the VIP rooms. A small, shaky sigh leaves my mouth before I force my lips back into a smile again.


    "Sorry to keep you waiting ah, chiobu!" I push open the door with my back.


    RJ is leaning forward this time. Her elbows are on her legs now¡ªthey are still outspread as if she''s trying to take over the entire couch¡ªwhile she scrolls through her phone. As I place her drink next to her, I notice she owns the latest iPhone. It''s a little larger than my phone, and it fits snugly in her long, thin fingers.


    "Can I help you?"


    My entire body jolts. "No, no, sorry, sorry!" Flustered, I realize that I am using my normal voice, and I turn up my pitch again. "I- I mean, no lah, chiobu, I''m supposed to be helping you lah. L- Let me know what else you need, okay?"


    Oh god, why am I stuttering so much? This is so unprofessional!


    RJ raises her eyebrows and tucks her phone away. "Actually, I do need something."


    "Oh? What do you need?"


    She beckons for me to come closer. I frown. I''m already standing next to her. Maybe she wants to whisper a secret drink order to me?


    As I inch closer, her dark eyes seem to bore right into my soul. I have never seen her so up close before and it''s... captivating. I can see every outline of her pretty face, every bit of her light makeup, and every strand of her dyed brown hair. I can feel her every breath¡ªwarm, ticklish, and minty. I can even see my reflection in her eyes, and just how spellbound I look under my crimson mask.


    I jolt out of my trance with a yelp when her hand reaches out to my arm. Oh crap, I''m way too close to her. Who let me get this close to her?


    "Sorry¡ª" I try to back away, but my foot trips over something on the ground.


    RJ''s hand tightens around mine, pulling me onto the couch as I fall.


    "Are you okay?" she asks. She props her body up next to mine, one hand on the leather and the other still on my arm.


    "Y- Yes," I say, despite the fact that I am about to pass out.


    RJ frowns. Her eyes dart from my face to my body, and back to my face again. "Who are you?"


    "S- Sorry? I- I told you already, I''m- I''m Cherry..."


    "No, you''re not. Who are you?"


    My heart rises to my throat. This is bad. Did she figure out who I am? Nobody is allowed to find out about me. I''ll be fired, I''ll lose my most profitable job ever, I''ll be expelled from school! No. One. Can. Know.


    "It''s- It''s my code name. We''re not allowed to reveal our real names here. P- Protocol."


    "Is that why you''re wearing this stupid thing too?" RJ''s fingers¡ªthose long, slender fingers that glided across the phone screen¡ªare now reaching towards my cheeks, dangerously close to my mask, to the only thing protecting my identity.


    "If- If you remove my mask, you will be banned from this bar forever." I keep my voice as serious as I can. "Protocol."


    "Ah, is it?" RJ mumbles. Her fingers are now a breath away from my cheeks.


    "Y- Yes. If you don''t believe me, t- try lor."


    She leans towards me, closing what little gap we had. Her warm, minty breath is all over my face now.


    "I want to try leh," she whispered.


    I would have passed out right then and there, if not for a group of people barging into the room.


    "Aye, RJ!"


    Sensing RJ''s loosening grip, I immediately slip away from her and dart across the room.


    "Ohhhh?" A collective exclamation rises from the newcomers, as their eyes zoom into me and my crumpled dress. A few of them even let out wolf whistles.


    RJ smooths the bottom of her jumpsuit. "You guys are so late sia."


    "Oh my god, RJ! What is happening?"


    "You already having so much fun ah?"


    "Eh, don''t steal all the best girls leh!"


    "W- Welcome to Tropic Falls..." I mutter my obligatory greeting. Among the new group of men, I recognize one of them as Mango''s regular who is always bringing a few new people with him. RJ is probably one of them this time.


    "I''ll- I''ll go grab Mango and a few others!" I announce before rushing out of the VIP room, out of the corridor of rooms, out of the bar area, and straight into the changing room.


    Holding my chest, I allow myself to take a few heaving breaths. Then, I collapse onto the table and close my eyes.


    What was that?


    What was that?

 2.1 | The Cherry Aroma

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 3, 2014, Monday


    Cherry.


    My eyes linger at the door where she left. She calls herself Cherry, but I know who she is.


    Even with her red masquerade mask covering half her face, I can still recognize that familiar face shape, the bit of baby fat on her cheeks, the pink, supple lips that spread a cheerful, contagious smile. I can recognize her voice too; no matter how much she tried to mask it with that forced coyness, it still has that same, distinct gentleness to it.


    And the way she bolts out the door seals it¡ªthat girl is Chloe Lee for sure. I have seen her race out of the classroom in this same manner every single day after school, as if the thought of staying in school a minute longer might kill her. I always thought it was because Logan kept trying to catch her after class to ask her out. That dumbass. I always laughed at him and told him, "Dude, she hates you so much."


    But all this time, this is what she has been up to? Working in a place like this, serving these assholes, dressed like that? I thought she was working in some kind of bakery? Or was she lying to her friends? She''s not even old enough to drink and yet she''s serving people drinks?


    Not that I should judge¡ªI am also here with a fake ID. But I cannot help feeling frustrated. Of all places, why would she work here?


    My frustration turns to anger when I notice the other guys'' eyes¡ªfull of glee... and lust.


    Fucking perverts.


    "Stop staring lah," I snap. They give me strange looks, so I take a sip of my martini to calm myself. "I got us two bottles of Chardonnay. Come drink."


    "Ah, thank you, thank you!" Markus exclaims. He drops his suitcase on the table and jumps into the spot next to me.


    One by one, the rest of the group occupy the rest of the couch while carefully averting their gaze from me. I wish I could punch every one of their little smirks away. I am not sure why, but the more I think about the way they ogle Chloe, the more I am filled with rage.


    "You fooled me leh, RJ!" Markus lets out an obnoxious chortle as he leans back on the couch. "I thought you were being so nice to me when you booked a VIP room here, but it''s actually for yourself!" He slaps me on my back. "Next time just tell me lah! I know another place with tons more pretty ladies."


    I roll my eyes. "I booked this room because of the privacy."


    "Yeah, yeah, privacy." Markus gives me a wink before turning around and wiggling his eyebrows at everyone else. "Privacy is super important, right?"


    If not for the fact that I need Markus for his services, I would have punched him. Maybe I''ll punch him after I get the stuff from him.


    The rest of the group laughs along with Markus. Soon, they are all holding glasses of wine, and the conversation inevitably steers towards girls, bars, and other parts of the red-light district I''m not as familiar with.


    For the first time, these topics make my skin crawl. This is not all fun and games anymore¡ªI have a classmate working here. And the realization is fueling the rage inside me. Why would Chloe Lee work here? How can she even bring herself to do this?


    Before I break the glass of martini in my hand, I set it down and change the topic. "Okay lah, enough talk, show us what you''ve got, Markus."


    Immediately, the room falls silent. They are all here for the same reason, after all. Markus'' smirk widens as he clicks his tongue.


    "All of you are gonna love this." He reaches forward and opens up his suitcase. Bags of green line the bottom of the suitcase, while the top has rolling paper and lighters tucked in their own compartments. He waves his hands dramatically. "Imports from California."


    "How did you get it ah?" a random dude at the far end of the room asks.


    "Medical marijuana," Markus says with a wink. "You get a license, and then it''s super easy to buy."


    I doubt it was easy to buy and sneak marijuana over to Singapore, but obviously, Markus is not going to reveal the entirety of his business strategy.


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    "Okay, I got five different strains for you all to try." He takes out one of the plastic bags. "This one is a super popular one. It''s from Los Angeles, the land of the dreams. It''s mellow, the smell a bit fruity, and also I heard that it''s slightly sedative."


    He passes around pieces of rolling paper and lets each of us take a scoop to try. It has been a while since I last tried to roll a joint but it is not too hard to figure it out again. Markus helps me with the lighter and I take a whiff of it.


    A sense of calmness already creeps into the back of my head. The full effect should take a while to hit, but I am already looking forward to it.


    As I blow, the smoke tickles my nose. It does have a hint of fruitiness. Maybe... cherries? Fresh cherries. Logan is going to love this.


    The calmness in my mind disappears when the door opens.


    Chloe strides back in, with her scarlet mask and glittery dress. That stupid, breathtakingly beautiful dress that hugs her curves in all the ways our school uniform does not.


    Suddenly, a pang of guilt hits me and I smash my joint in an ashtray.


    Chloe is followed by three other bargirls, and they are all holding different plates of snacks.


    "Complimentary snacks for our VIPs!" she exclaims as she lifts her plate to the ceiling. Her nose crinkles when the smoke in the room hits her, but that expression is quickly replaced by her fake, cheery smile yet again.


    "Markie!" a blonde girl in a yellow mask sets down her plate next to Markus and sits on his lap.


    "Hey, Mango baby." Markus''s talking tone instantly changes to a soft croon. Argh, so this is why Markus wanted to come to this bar. I look away from the cooing pair before I have to gag.


    The rest of the girls circle the room, talking and sitting by whichever customer clicks the most with them. Chloe does the same as well. She walks around with that sweet smile, greeting and offering her plate of fruits to each person. Whenever somebody reaches out for her butt, she swerves to the side while nudging their arms away with her free hand as if she''s trying to reject them without offending them. As if she''s used to doing this.


    Why is she even doing this?


    I clench my fists. For every smile she flashes at somebody, for every fake, high-pitched giggle she lets out, the fire inside me burns even more. She is never like this in school, and this new image of her is wrestling with the cute, innocent Chloe in my mind. And I don''t know why, but I hate it.


    The moment Chloe is within reach, I grasp her arm and pull her towards me.


    "R..." She almost calls out my name before her lips smack shut and the eyes under her mask widen in fear.


    "Sit with me," I say.


    "Huh? Oh, okay..." A blush creeps up her cheeks. All the previous confidence she had chatting with the men seems to have vanished. Hesitantly, she settles on the spot next to me, but several centimeters away.


    I narrow my eyes. Every other bargirl is so touchy-feely with their customers, but Chloe sits away from me like I have spines growing out of me or something. Is she like this all the time, or is she afraid of me? Maybe I frightened her too much when I threatened to take off her mask.


    "Eh, eh, chiobu, go do your job and sit closer to RJ lah!" Markus cajoles, probably thinking he''s doing me a big favor. "She''s trying so hard to make a move on you leh!"


    Chloe''s blush intensifies as she nods and scoots towards me. "S- Sorry. You... want fruits?" she asks, holding up the platter and creating yet another barrier between us.


    "No need lah." I grab the plate away from her hand and set it on the table. "Just sit here and... just sit here, okay?"


    Slipping my hand around her waist, I tug her closer. She lets out a soft gasp but does not protest further.


    "Look at you, RJ. You like this one so much ah?" Markus chuckles, obviously enjoying the scene. His favored bargirl, Mango, feeds him a grape and he takes his time chewing it. "But wait, aren''t you, like, together with that guy¡ªwhat''s his name ah?¡ªthe son of Soon Kwek Foods?"


    Argh, I should have known Markus knows about me and Jon. The question must have intrigued Chloe as well¡ªI can feel her curious eyes boring into me.


    "You mean Jon Kwek?" I lean towards Markus. My hand is still around Chloe, so she leans together with me too. Blowing into his face to dispel the smoke that is coming out of his mouth, I lock my eyes with him. "Fuck him lah. I do what I want."


    I return to my previous position, with Chloe tucked safely next to me. Every other person in the room is now staring at the two of us, and I can sense Chloe''s unease. But whatever. Her job may be to entertain men, but I''m not letting her do that. Not when I booked this room and paid for her service.


    Markus blinks and then roars with laughter. "Oh my god, RJ, I really like you leh, you know that?" He lights up a fresh joint and hands it to me. "Want to try this other strain? This one relaxes you in... a certain way."


    I raise my eyebrows. I''d snuffed out my previous blunt for some reason, and I badly needed a new one. "Sure."


    Markus whistles in delight as I take a hit. He turns towards Chloe. "You want to try too, chiobu?"


    Without a second thought, I pop my head in between them. "Hell no."


    "What? Aw, come on lah, RJ, let her try lah. If she likes it, maybe you can even buy for her!"


    "No. I paid for VIP treatment, and I can''t get that if she''s high."


    "Okay, okay, whatever you say, boss." Markus laughs again before turning back to his girl.


    I glance at Chloe. A small pout forms on her red lips. She must have wanted to try, but I cannot bring myself to let her get entangled with someone like Markus. She is already breaking enough laws.


    "Drink instead." I grab a glass and pour her some wine¡ªjust a little bit, I don''t want her to get high or drunk.


    Then, I slump back onto the couch and continue smoking. This strain has an earthy taste, and it''s not as nice as the cherry one. I let the high take over my mind while I watch Chloe sip on her wine, occasionally casting a wary glance at me. Am I that scary? But whatever. I am too angry¡ªand too high¡ªto care right now.


    The room is filled with laughter and smoke. Everyone around us is chatting and talking and flirting, but I am content with keeping Chloe next to me. Keeping her safe.

 2.2

    After Markus and the rest of the goons leave the VIP room, I hang around the hallway of the bar and send a quick text to the group chat.


    RJ: Yo. Got the grass from Markus.


    Logan: AYOOOOOOO


    Logan: RJ YOU THE BESTTTT


    RJ: Lol


    RJ: Lobang you''re gonna love it


    Audrey: omg! whoot whoot!


    Huimin: OMG RJ THANK U


    Audrey: so party this weekend?? at jon''s???


    Jon: oh nice nice


    Jon: ya ok party at my place this weekend


    Jon: sat?


    Audrey: YES!


    RJ: Ya ok


    Logan: YESSSSSSS LETS GO BROOOO


    Logan: RJ MY BRO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH


    Huimin: careful ah lobang xD later jon jealous


    RJ: Lol


    Jon: lol


    Before I slip my phone back into my pocket, it vibrates again¡ªa direct message from Jon.


    Jon: yo thanks for buying


    RJ: Ya np


    Jon: by the way, how''s tropic ah?


    Jon: i heard the servers there super pretty


    RJ: Okay only leh


    RJ: So so


    Jon: ah is it?


    Jon: i wanted to go with some primary school friends


    RJ: No


    RJ: Don''t come


    RJ: Not worth it


    Jon: oh. ok then


    Heaving a small sigh of relief, I lock my phone and put it away. Without the light from the screen, my eyes take a while to adjust to the dark hallways.


    This is the difference between Tropic Falls and the other bars I used to frequent. The bright neon lights and the deafening music are limited only to the small bar area at the entrance. The moment one enters the part of the bar where the actual services lay, the lights and music are immediately muted. Inside the VIP room, it even resembles the high-end private lounges my parents go to.


    I have been hearing about this bar for a while now. It is not as popular among the barely-legal drinking age crowd, and thus my friends and I have never visited. But they must be intrigued by the rumors. After all, Jon is already asking me about my experience, and I bet Logan will too, soon.


    To be honest, this place is great. The room is elegant, the drinks are high quality, and the servers... Well, I am not too sure; I was only focused on one person.


    But no one can know about this. Not Jon, not Logan, not any of my friends. I don''t want them to come here. Not yet, at least. They cannot ever find out about Chloe, or Cherry.


    Thinking about her makes me let out yet another grunt of frustration. Seriously, why is she working here? If she is ever discovered, this would tarnish her reputation forever. I''ve heard my parents and Jon''s parents talk about their hiring practices enough to know that something like this would ruin her chances to get a good job anywhere in Singapore. Shouldn''t she know that? Why the fuck would she do this?


    It does not help that she was so shy around me, so I don''t think she would tell me if I asked. I don''t think she will ever open up to me.


    But there is another person I can go to.


    I march towards the bar area. The blue-haired owner is still sitting behind the bar table, manning a tablet and giving orders to another bargirl. I wait till she finishes talking before approaching.


    "Hey there." Clementine¡ªpossibly a code name like Cherry¡ªflashes a grin at me when she notices me. Her teeth are as bright as her hair under the neon lights, while her accent is as American as the Hollywood movies. "RJ, right? How are you enjoying your first time here at Tropic Falls?"


    "Not bad," I admit as I take a seat on the stool opposite her. "But I have a question about my server."


    Her lips tilt upwards. "Which one? Cherry?"


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    "Yeah. Cherry." The fake name tastes bitter in my mouth.


    "Ah yes, she''s very sweet, and very popular too, despite being so new." She seems to notice my grim expression. "Would you like to talk more about it in my office?" she asks as she gestures over to a room behind her.


    Considering what I am about to reveal, I nod.


    We enter a cozy office area and settle into armchairs on opposite ends of a small table. Clementine takes out a bottle of wine and, after I reject her offer, sets it down next to her.


    "So, what about Cherry?"she asks.


    "What''s... her real name?"


    Clementine chuckles. "I''m sorry, but I can''t reveal it. It''s one of our principles here at Tropic Falls."


    "What do you mean?"


    The tanned woman leans forward and taps her fingers on her face. "My girls are special to me, and I set up a lot of rules in this bar to protect them to the best of my abilities. And their privacy is one of the key things I protect. This job is dangerous, after all. I''m sure you''ve been informed about the mask rule, right?" Her expression darkens. "If you remove their masks, you will be blacklisted from this bar and all our associates forever."


    Chloe did mention that. "Yeah, okay, well, maybe you got a bit too serious about your privacy policy ah. This Cherry you have here is underaged."


    "Oh?" Clementine smiles, but her eyes are sharp as daggers. "And how would you know that? You don''t even know her real name."


    My brows twitch. "You don''t need to know how I know, okay?" I fold my arms and maintain my glare. "You need to get her out of this bar or I will report this place to the police."


    "Now, how do you plan to do that without revealing that you''re underaged yourself?"


    My head rears back, and Clementine chortles at my discomfort.


    "Yes, I know your ID is fake, young lady," she says, her drawl of an accent is full of amusement. "It''s a very good fake ID, though, so I have to commend you for that."


    "You know and you still let me in?"


    "Well, I believe that age is just a number. As long as you''re not stupidly immature, you kids should be able to make decisions for yourself, and not let the government decide on a random cut-off number for everyone. But I also understand that some of my girls may still regret their choices, which is why I implemented the mask rule here. I need to protect my girls no matter what. You are not allowed to find out who they are, or to get them to take off their mask in any way. Or else, that happens."


    I peer in the direction Clementine is gesturing at. Through the small window on the door, I can see a man struggling against two burly bouncers who are twice his size. His face is bleeding and his shirt is unbuttoned, and within a few seconds, he is tossed out of the bar. There is barely any commotion resulting from the skirmish; the quickness of it all sends a shiver down my spine.


    This bar definitely takes its policies very seriously.


    Swallowing my discomfort, I ask, "Uh... Did he try to take off a girl''s mask or something?"


    "Worse." Despite the scene that happened, Clementine remains nonchalant as she pours herself a cup of wine. "One of my girls agreed to a¡ªhow should I say this?¡ªa particular type of activity. And he took it a bit too far."


    A particular activity? Taken too far? Dread creeps up my spine. I think about the way Chloe smiles and sashays around the room, the way her voice changes into a high-pitched croon, the dress¡ªthe stupid, glittery, beautiful dress¡ªthat she wears...


    There is no way this ''Tropic Falls KTV & Bar'' is just a karaoke bar.


    "What the fuck? Are you fucking pimping them out?" I let my rage pour out into my voice. "I can sue you, you know that? Prostitution is illegal without a license, and she definitely does not have one!"


    Clementine swirls her wine glass before taking a sip. "As I said, I let my girls make their own decisions, whether they be good or bad. I am just here to make sure they are safe while making these decisions. And so, yes, if any of my girls are interested, they can accept extra money for... extra work. I do my best to make sure they don''t get caught or violated."


    Extra work. I clench my fists and slam them on the table. "Chloe is seventeen! Why the fuck are you letting her do this?"


    "First of all, who is this Chloe you''re talking about?"


    "You know who I mean," I growl through my gritted teeth.


    "No, I don''t." Clementine''s voice is now as icy as a snowstorm. "We don''t have a Chloe here. Bring this up again and I will kick you out immediately. And secondly, I''ve said this, and I will say this again. My girls make their own decisions. If they ever choose to take on any extra work, I let them be. And you need to let them be too."


    The more Clementine speaks, the more my rage boils in my blood. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I need to calm down. I will achieve nothing if I piss this woman off¡ªas long as Chloe is here, I need to be able to visit this place again.


    And I need to get her to stop.


    "You know, if you are so concerned about Cherry, maybe you should tip her." Clementine''s lighthearted tone returns. "The more you tip, the faster she will quit this job."


    "Oh." I blink. "She needs money?"


    Clementine laughs. "We all need money, honey. Even your friend Markus."


    "He''s not my friend," I grumble, but guilt consumes me. Sometimes I forget that people do crazy things for money. While I just... pay people to do crazy things.


    I straighten my pants as I ask, "Why... Why does Chlo- I mean, why does Cherry need money leh?" And needing it so desperately to work here too?


    "Why don''t you ask her yourself when you come back? You know, when you come back, you''ll be entered as a regular, and Cherry will earn twenty percent more serving you. It''s sort of like a commission bonus," Clementine says with a wink.


    I roll my eyes. "And then let you take most of the money I pay for her? Yeah, no thank you."


    Another chuckle escapes her throat. "Tip her, then. Although, if you just give her money, she still needs to work her hours. She still has to serve other customers." Clementine''s eyes seem to glitter in mockery. "Unless you don''t care about that, of course."


    That is exactly what is driving me crazy and this woman knows it. My teeth clench against the stream of curses I want to let loose. "When does she work?"


    "Every single day of the week."


    Fuck, every single day? So tomorrow, too? I have tennis tomorrow. Wait, everyone has their CCAs tomorrow. Does Chloe not have any extracurriculars?


    "You know, she was working in a bakery when I first saw her," Clementine adds with an exaggerated sigh. "I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Well, it was only a few weeks ago. She was so cute and working so hard, that I just had to scout her. All I said was the hours earned and the typical tip people get, and then she showed up the next day! And it''s been great ever since."


    I lower my head. It seems that Chloe really needs the money. Shame and regret pushes out the anger within me. I don''t have the right to get so upset with her. I have never needed to do anything to get money.


    I whip out my wallet, only to realize I''ve given all my cash away to Markus.


    "Need more?" Clementine nods towards an ATM tucked right outside her office.


    I walk over to the ATM and withdraw two hundred dollars. It is a fat wad of cash, but I spent way more on some stupid weed.


    "This is a lot," Clementine remarks as well.


    "Can you give it to Chl- I mean, Cherry? But... don''t tell her it''s from me." As I watch her insert the cash in a pink envelope, I add, "Eh, if I find out you didn''t give to her, I''ll report you and your bar, okay?"


    Clementine winks at me. "Sure you will, Miss Underaged Girl who just bought drugs. But don''t worry lah,"¡ªThe Singaporean colloquialism sounds so foreign and misplaced on her American tongue.¡ª"I will never steal my girls'' tips. Oh, Cherry will be over the moon tomorrow."


    I nod and finally exit the office. When I take out my phone to read my messages, all my emotions and thoughts amplify and dance crazily across my mind.


    Logan is spamming my WhatsApp with the crazy plans he has for this Saturday''s party. Using Champagne in our beer pong game, getting some premium chocolate shipped over from Japan, asking his dad to give him a bottle of limited edition wine from his cellar...


    These messages would have excited me normally, but now I''m just disgusted by them.


    Everyone I know, everyone I grew up with, splurges on things without caring about their finances. Meanwhile, Chloe is choosing to work in a place like this to make ends meet.


    Life is so unfair.

 3 | Late Night Convos

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 4, 2014, Tuesday.


    When I finally enter my home, I heave a sigh of relief. The entirety of my government-subsized flat is smaller than one VIP room in Tropic Falls, but without the uncomfortable dress and the stench of alcohol and smoke, it feels so much more like heaven. Warm, cozy heaven.


    After taking off my shoes, I lean against the wall and close my eyes. My shoulders are stiff and my back aches, but all I can think about is how weird today was.


    Today at work was weird. Too weird. RJ, a very high-profile girl with a very high-profile boyfriend, was in a bar frequented by men who cheat on their wives.


    She was not there for the same reasons as the other customers, of course. She was only there because of Markus. That man is one of Clementine''s favorite customers¡ªhe''s always bringing in a bunch of his clients to the bar, getting them to book the most premium VIP rooms, and spending a good amount of time and money in there.


    I''m always too afraid to try the things he sells¡ªMango, his favorite bargirl, has tried it so often that it''s concerning¡ªbut to my biggest surprise, RJ was smoking it as though she has done it a million times.


    My heart races again as I remember the hours spent in that VIP room with her. RJ''s hands never left my waist until the group decided to leave. I still don''t know how I feel about that. I''ve never worked for hours just... doing nothing. For the entire night, I was sitting there quietly, unmoving, not engaging in a forced conversation, not hugging a sweaty office shirt, not chugging down some hard liquor in a drinking game.


    I almost feel like I don''t deserve to get paid for those few hours.


    But how was I supposed to do anything with RJ holding me and glaring at me whenever I tried to talk to anybody? Her expression was as fierce as ever, even after she finished her martini, even after she finished trying every strain that Markus brought over...


    Does she ever... smile?


    I rub my arm at the spot RJ touched me, twice. A strange tingling sensation runs through me, and I shake my head to get rid of it. Enough thinking about RJ. She was there to buy weed, and she will never be back again.


    Sounds of clattering pots drift from the kitchen. Oh?


    I throw my school bag onto the floor and rush into the kitchen.


    "M¨¡ma!" I exclaim. "N¨« h¨²i l¨¢i l¨¨!" You''re back home!


    My mother looks up from her pot of noodles and squints. "Oh, Chiarong ah," she replies in Mandarin¡ªshe is the only person who calls me by my Chinese name, "you''re finally back home. Aiyo, what time is it?"


    I run over, taking the wooden spoon from her to stir the pot. I notice that she is making two packs of ramen, with poached eggs and bok choy as add-ons. My heart warms. "M¨¡ma, you''re cooking for me at this time?"


    "Of course." M¨¡ma squeezes my cheeks. "My heart broke when I came home to an empty house. My dearest daughter is working so hard! Way too hard!"


    My heart warms even more. M¨¡ma calls me her her dearest daughter¡ªb¨£o b¨¨i n¨· ¨§r¡ªway more than I deserve.


    "But I don''t work as hard as you," I say with a small pout.


    Indeed, even with my late-night shifts at Tropic Falls, I still come home to an empty home most of the time. If this keeps up, there''s a chance I will lose my ability to speak Mandarin Chinese forever¡ªmy mother is the only person I converse with in that language.


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    M¨¡ma sighs. "I''m the mother. I should be working the hardest." She takes a good look at the clock and lets out a gasp. "Three o''clock! Aiyo, my poor daughter, it''s so late! Why is a bakery working you so hard?"


    I gulp. I don''t want to lie to my mother, but I know I have to, over and over again, until I earn enough money for her surgery. "Uh, I was working on a new recipe for them. Lots of trial and error to do."


    My mother nods. She always believes my every word wholeheartedly, and it''s making my stomach wrench in guilt. "Our Chiarong is a wonderful baker. I wish I can try your cakes again someday."


    "I''ll try to find time again. Maybe this weekend?"


    "No, I know you''re very busy. Whenever you have free time, you should focus on school instead."


    The guilt inside me intensifies. For the past few months, I have neglected a lot of my schoolwork. I thought I could juggle both school and work since I''ve talked to the principal and gotten my CCA requirement waived, but work is draining me a lot more than I thought it would. It has been so difficult staying awake in lectures and discussions, and that makes it even harder to do my homework, which impacts my ability to understand the next class¡ªand then it becomes a vicious cycle I cannot get out of.


    I cannot admit that to my mother, however. She values education way too much. She chose to stay in Singapore for me, instead of going back home to Taiwan, just so that she can give me what she thinks is a better education. And yet, here I am, already fallen into the black hole of catching up at the start of the school year. I really don''t deserve to be called her ''b¨£o b¨¨i n¨· ¨§r''.


    "I know, M¨¡ma," I mumble softly.


    The noodles are ready. As I pour them into bowls, the steam from the soup latches onto my mother''s eyes, and she flinches.


    "M¨¡ma, are you okay?"


    "I''m fine, I''m fine." M¨¡ma puts her hand on my shoulders before I can leap toward her.


    I frown. "Are your eyes hurting again?"


    "A little bit." M¨¡ma looks ashamed to have admitted that. "Maybe it''s because I''ve been skimping on the eye drops recently. I''ll put some more later."


    "What? Why are you skimping on them?" I ask, letting out an exasperated sigh.


    M¨¡ma just smiles in response, but I know she is worried about the cost of them. I bite back my urge to tell her I can raise more money.


    Sighing, I ask again, "How''s your vision doing recently?"


    "Well enough," she says with a shrug.


    Well enough to stay in my current job, is probably what she meant. I purse my lips in frustration. Despite her dismissal, I can tell that her vision is worsening. Her dark eyes twinkle like always, but they glaze over me as if she is not seeing me.


    The doctor said that eye drops only work to a certain extent, and the only way to stop M¨¡ma''s eyes from spiraling to blindness is to intervene as soon as possible¡ªwith surgery. Except we can''t afford it.


    Not yet, at least.


    The resolve in me awakens once again. It doesn''t matter how tired I get from work, how uncomfortable some customers may make me, or how much I''m falling behind in school. All of these are temporary. My mother''s vision loss, however, will be permanent, and I can''t have that happen.


    I have to work more. I have to earn more money.


    We eat in silence for a while, both of us plagued with our thoughts until M¨¡ma decides to change the topic. She asks about Emma and Adrian and if I still hang out with them. Affirming that question is not technically a lie, since I still spend time with them in school. She asks about my grades, to which I remind her that the school year just started and there hasn''t been a test yet. Thankfully.


    "What about...a boyfriend?" M¨¡ma asks finally, a cheeky smirk tugs at her lips. "Found any boy you''re interested in?"


    I almost spit out my ramen. "No!"


    "Don''t need to be so embarrassed, I''m your m¨¡ma." M¨¡ma laughs. "Is there really no one you''re interested in?"


    My cheeks are as hot as the soup I am drinking. For some inexplicable reason, my mind jumps to RJ in her navy blue jumpsuit and gold hoop earrings. I think of the way she leaned against the couch, with her elbow propped up and her legs spread wide apart. I think of her fierce expression, the way she glared at me as she drank, the way her face hardened as Markus offered me a blunt. I think of her long fingers, holding onto that blunt, tapping on her phone, holding my hands, reaching towards my face...


    The strange tingling sensation returns, and this time, I cannot shake it off.


    I clear my throat. "There''s- There''s no one, M¨¡ma."


    She gives me a knowing smile. "Okay."


    We continue chatting as we finish up our supper. No matter how tired we both are from work, the chance to talk as mother and daughter is as rare as the blue moon, and so we stay up as late as we can manage. Just as M¨¡ma wishes for me to work less and focus more on school, I wish for her to work less and focus more on her health. But we both know neither of us is going to do that.


    It is four in the morning when we finally go to bed. When I wake up a few hours later for school, my mother has already left for work.

 4 | After Lesson Convos

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 4, 2014, Tuesday.


    It is early in the morning, and everyone is waiting around the benches next to the quadrangle for the assembly call. Leaning against the table of my bench, I stare at the one across the way. Chloe''s friends, Emma and Adrian, are sitting next to each other, scribbling furiously while pulling at their hair. There is still time until the morning assembly call, so I''m guessing they are trying to complete the Chemistry homework that is due today.


    Chloe, however, is nowhere to be seen.


    A frown spreads across my face. Yesterday was weird. Too weird. What was meant to be a fun weed-testing experience turned into a frustrating mystery. The thought of Chloe, or anybody in the class, needing money so badly that they would work at a place like that kept me up all night. It isn''t right. She''s only a student. A seventeen-year-old student in Junior College.


    "Hey." Jon slumps next to me. His leg slams into mine, and I remember that I''m wearing a skirt and need to keep my legs closed. As I shuffle on my seat, he holds out a cup of iced coffee. "For you. It''s black like your soul."


    I snort in response and grab the disposable cup. Glancing towards him, I notice the rest of our clique gathered at another bench. They are all holding similar cups of coffee, probably courtesy of Jon as well. Audrey is spraying a sweaty¡ªand whining¡ªLogan down with an endless amount of deodorant, while Huimin is chuckling by the side.


    "Thanks." I take a few sips before letting out a breath of relief. "Argh, I needed this."


    An amused smile tugs at Jon''s lips. He leans back and spreads his hands across the table that we''re leaning on. "I don''t even know why you''re in school sia. The last time I went to see Markus, I couldn''t even get out of bed. I had to call in sick and everything."


    "It''s okay lah, I didn''t smoke that much."


    "So why are you staring at them like that?" Jon asks, motioning to Emma and Adrian with his head.


    "Huh?" I blink. The duo is now arguing about a question. Their squabble is so intense that Emma even knocks Adrian''s glasses away from his face at one point. I rub my eyes. "Oh, nothing lah. I''m just zoning out."


    Jon raises his eyebrows and gives me a once-over. "What time did you get home yesterday?"


    "Like, two a.m.? I almost got caught by my mother sia."


    "Oh shit, really ah?"


    "Yeah. I swear that woman doesn''t ever sleep lah. Can''t even get some peace on a Monday night. Cannot stand it sia."


    There is a short pause before Jon mutters, "You know, your mother is scary as fuck."


    I laugh. I am about to comment something about his cowardice when I spot Chloe from the corner of my eyes. She is next to her friends now. Her hair is sweaty and messy as if she sprinted to school on foot. I hear her loud squeals of greeting, followed by her "This is due today?" exclamation.


    Without her thick makeup from yesterday, the dark circles under her eyes are prominent. Once again, guilt pierces my heart. How did she get home last night? The trains were no longer in operation by the time I left, and she left much later than I did. Maybe I should have offered her a ride in my cab or something. I should have done more to help...


    "Eh, RJ." Jon''s voice snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts. "You zoning out again sia."


    "Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry..." I quickly shift my eyes away from the trio. People at the other benches are either talking, dozing off, or rushing out homework. Logan is now sitting on top of the table, flanked by Audrey and Huimin. They are watching something on his phone and chortling like maniacs, but I can tell Logan is sneaking a few glances at Chloe.


    Chloe. My mind comes back to her yet again. I massage the bridge of my nose and decide to ask, "Eh, by the way, do you know much about Chloe?"


    "Chloe Lee?" Jon glances at her and then turns back to me. "Not really leh. She''s too low-profile. I mean, Logan EC her lah, but honestly, he EC every single girl. Why leh?"


    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.


    I groan internally as I recall Logan''s hopeless attempts in asking the poor girl out. "Nothing, nothing."


    A knowing glint flashes across Jon''s eyes. "Don''t tell me you... you know..."


    "Shut up lah." I roll my eyes. "Don''t say things like that if you want to keep our pact hor. I was just asking only."


    Before Jon can press further, the music blares from the PA system. I have never been more grateful for an assembly call. We hop off the bench and join everyone else in assembling at the quadrangle. The national anthem plays, signifying the official start of the school day.


    ---


    "Just put it on my table, I''ll get to it," Ms. Goh instructs me as I follow her into her office.


    I put the stack of homework down and stare at the tall Chemistry teacher, wondering how I should broach the topic.


    Ms. Goh notices my hesitation and smiles. "What''s up, RJ? Go ahead and ask," she says as she sits and leans back in her chair.


    Tapping my fingers, I think about the way I should go about asking. "Ms. Goh, is your... remedial class teaching offer still available?"


    Her eyes light up behind the pair of frameless glasses. A while ago, Ms. Goh asked if I wanted to help her teach a remedial Chemistry class for a bit of extra cash. At that time, I did not need the money, nor did I want to teach, so I rejected the offer. I would have never imagined that the former would be what changed for me.


    "Oh?" Ms. Goh tilts her head to the side. "This is surprising. May I ask why the sudden change in mind?"


    I know that simply saying, I need the money, does not cut it. Everyone in school knows I don''t need the money. My eyes drift towards the stack of homework on the table. Chloe did not turn it in¡ªshe could not finish it, even with Emma and Adrian''s help. I remember how she was averting her gaze from me as I collected the assignment from her friends.


    I sigh. "Can you... promise not to tell anyone?"


    Ms. Goh''s expression becomes solemn. "Yes. What''s wrong?"


    "There''s someone I know, and uh, I found out that they need money. I think it''s affecting their school work and... I don''t know, I... want to help, but I don''t think my allowance would be enough." I pause before adding with a whisper, "And I also don''t want my parents to know."


    "I see..." Ms. Goh nods, pushing her glasses up as her brows furrow with concern. "Students with financial issues have it hard. When you''re stressing about living expenses, it becomes so much more difficult to focus in school. And school is not free either, which makes it worse."


    I lower my eyes. I have never had to worry about living expenses, or school fees, or anything much at all. The lump of guilt in me grows in size every minute.


    "I''m sorry about your friend''s situation, RJ," Ms. Goh continues, "but I''m happy you''re taking up the teaching offer. I need the help and you''re very good at what you do. It will be a good resume booster too, I promise you." She opens a drawer and takes out a folder. "These are the materials I already prepared for the week, but I''ll need help preparing questions for the rest of the semester. I can email you the rest of the information later."


    I flip through the folder. It contains the syllabus, condensed notes from the lecture, and some prepared extra homework for the week.


    "Thank you," I say sincerely.


    Ms. Goh smiles as she looks at me with a peculiar expression. "So, it seems that the famously aloof RJ is actually very caring hor."


    "Aloof?" I feel myself getting defensive. "I''m not aloof." Aloof is what people call my mother, but I am nothing like her.


    She chuckles. "You know, it also took me a long while to become financially stable. Young me would have loved to have someone care about me like that in the past. You''re doing great lah, RJ."


    My cheeks burn at that last sentence. I''m not doing great; I couldn''t even help Chloe much last night.


    "Anyway," the Chemistry teacher adds, "I''m glad you''re doing this, but money is not the only way to help someone, you know? There are other ways."


    I frown. "Like what?"


    "Like helping them with their homework," Ms. Goh says, gesturing pointedly at the stack of Chemistry homework.


    A small sense of dread rises in me¡ªdoes she know who I''m talking about?


    "Don''t just share your wealth, you have so much more to offer." Ms. Goh winks as she taps her temple.


    I know what she means, but the sentence sounds a little wrong. Before I can say anything, a knock on the door interrupts us.


    The door creaks open, and Chloe peeks in from behind. Her eyes are already filled with fear, but they widen when they land on me.


    "Oh... S- Sorry, Ms. Goh, I''ll- I''ll come back later..."


    "No, no, Chloe, don''t worry. I''ll find you in a second," Ms. Goh reassures her. "I''m wrapping something up with RJ, so wait outside for now, okay?"


    Chloe is more than willing to oblige, scurrying away¡ªfrom me, it seems¡ªjust like she did yesterday night.


    My heart clenches and I turn to Ms. Goh. "Why are you meeting her?" I ask. Does she know about Chloe''s work? Is she going to expel her?


    "Oh, that''s confidential, but I''ll tell you since you''re going to be helping me teach. Keep it a secret, okay? Chloe''s been doing very badly in all her subjects," Ms. Goh says as she adjusts her glasses. "I just want to talk to her to warn her about it, maybe give a motivational speech, tell her to try to come for remedial lessons, etcetera, etcetera. As your class''s form teacher, I have a bigger responsibility to look out for you kids, you know."


    "Oh." That is not much of a relief, but my heart calms down anyway.


    "Yeah. Poor girl, it''s not really her fault, she just has a lot to deal with..." Her voice trails off but my curiosity is peaked.


    "What is she dealing with?" I probe.


    "It''s not my place to tell, sorry." Ms. Goh shakes her head. Then, she gives me yet another wink. "But this brings me back to my point. As you can see, there are a lot more ways to help someone than money. Think about it more, okay?"


    My eyes linger on the door where Chloe was. The more I see that girl, the more the guilt in me increases. Ms. Goh is right, I should try to help in every way I can.


    I know what I''m going to do after tennis practice today.

 5.1 | Chemistry Lessons at a Bar

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 4, 2014, Tuesday.


    Yesterday was a weird day, and today is a terrible one.


    First, it escaped my mind that we have Chemistry homework due over the holidays. I couldn''t finish it this morning, so I didn''t turn it in. Assigning homework over a holiday as sacred as Chinese New Year should really be banned.


    My lack of sleep also did not help me stay awake in class. I kept dozing off, and Emma had to shake me awake so many times. I had trouble paying attention to our conversations too, with my mind constantly drifting off. Displeasure exuded from her for the rest of the day, but there was nothing I could do. I''m just so tired.


    To make matters worse, Ms. Goh noticed all that and called me to her office. She gave me a long lecture about how I need to focus on school, how school should come first for me as a student, how my grades in Junior College matter the most for getting into a good university, etcetera, etcetera. It''s not like I don''t know all that. I know, I really do, but I can''t care about it yet. I can''t afford to.


    And of course, RJ had to be in the room right before that happened. She is Ms. Goh''s, and every other teacher''s, favorite student. And which teacher wouldn''t like her? She has stellar grades, pays full attention in class, helps out in collecting homework, and is absolutely gorgeous. Okay, that last point may not be relevant. They like her so much they didn''t even reprimand her for her obviously-dyed brown hair, which is not allowed in our school''s dress code¡ªa common rule in Singaporean schools.


    I let out a frustrated sigh as I rush towards Tropic Falls. When I enter the changing room, I find Clementine perched on the makeup table. She is wearing a short sparkling blue dress a shade darker than her hair.


    "Oh, Clementine, hey," I say with a frown. My boss rarely enters the changing room, so I am not sure what to feel about this situation.


    "Cherry!" Clementine jumps off the table and saunters to me. She places a hand on my shoulder as her lips tug into a smirk. "So, I have good news and bad news, which do you want to hear first?"


    "Uh..." I scan the room, noticing that Mango is the only other person here. She is eyeing us curiously as well; she does not know what is happening either. "G- Good news?"


    The smile on Clementine''s face widens. "Alright." She takes out an envelope¡ªa bulging, fat envelope. "My favorite new girl has done it again! An anonymous customer gave you a big tip."


    "Oh?"


    I take the envelope and open it¡ªand my mouth drops. That is the biggest amount of cash I have ever seen stacked together. A wave of emotions hit me: shock, confusion, relief, and then... happiness. My mind does a quick calculation and I let out a trembling gasp. A big step closer to the goal.


    "You earned it." Clementine winks. "Keep up the good work, Cherry."


    "T- Thank you, Clementine, I... This is..." I do not know what else to say. I shake my head as I tuck the money in my bag with trembling hands. "Thank you so, so much. So what''s the bad news?"


    "The bad news is that you''re fully booked for the entire rest of the day, all the way till closing." Clementine gives my shoulder a few taps before walking out. "If you''re feeling hungry, better eat something now. You''ll barely have the time to even pee for the rest of the day. You have twenty minutes to prepare. Chop-chop."


    I almost want to groan out loud, but the heavy envelope in my bag stops me. It''s good that I am busy at work¡ªthere are more tips to be earned, more chances to inch closer to the goal.


    When Clementine leaves, I spin around excitedly to my colleague. The squeal that was in my throat dies the moment I see Mango''s face.


    "What the hell?" the blonde girl spits, glaring at me with an expression that sends a shiver down my spine. "An anonymous tip? Was it from the big group we did together yesterday? But you didn''t even do anything lor! Why you get tips but not me?"


    I have never seen Mango this angry before, and it takes me a while to find my voice again. "But- But if it''s from that group, Markus is your regular, right? You also got tips from him, right?"


    Mango does not reply. Instead, she stands up so fast that her chair clatters onto the ground.


    "What magic you do sia," she snaps, "didn''t even smoke, didn''t even drink, but then got a big fat tip just ''cause a lesbian likes you."


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    That word and the way she said it¡ªso full of vitriol and disgust¡ªstrikes me like a bolt of lightning.


    "She''s- She''s not¡ª" I try to defend RJ, but Mango shoves me out of the way and slams the door on the way out.


    The straps of my bag dig into my shoulders as the wad of cash inside turns into stones.


    ---


    Five more hours of work.


    Trotting down the corridor, I press my mask closer to my face and give my hair a quick brush with my fingers. VIP room five. It is the smallest VIP lounge we have, and the customer has the room¡ªand me¡ªbooked for five hours, all the way till the bar closes.


    I suppress a sigh. These long sessions are always very draining; it is hard to keep the same group of people entertained for such a lengthy period. I wonder if it is another one of the business meetings people have or another group of Markus'' customers.


    I push open the door, with a smile on my face and a high-pitched voice for my usual greeting. "Welcome to Tropic..."


    My smile falters and my voice trails off.


    The customer is RJ.


    Wait, why is she here again?


    This time, she is not wearing anything fancy. Instead, she is sprawled on the leather couch with baggy, grey Nike sweatpants, and an oversized varsity jacket with the letter ''H'' on it. Our school''s logo. She does not have any makeup on, and her hair is damp, making it appear a lot darker than normal. Next to her are her school bag and a tennis racket duffel.


    I know RJ is part of the tennis club. Did she... come to the bar right after her tennis practice? What on earth?


    "H- Hey, RJ, welcome back!" I try to mask my concern. "Um, are you here for Markus again? The stuff you bought yesterday not enough ah?"


    RJ glances at me. Her usual intensity is reduced; she looks drained and exhausted. "Hey. Can you get me something to drink?" Rubbing her eyes, she quickly adds, "Non-alcoholic. Coke or something?"


    "Oh, yeah, s- sure!" I say before leaving the room.


    From last night''s martini, wine, and weed, to just a regular soda? From a fierce and commanding woman wearing the most beautiful jumpsuit to a tired teen athlete in sweatpants who came straight out of a shower? Today''s RJ is a world of a difference away from yesterday''s.


    And why is she even here? Again?


    I come back to the room with a can of coke and a glass of ice. RJ nods appreciatively. She ignores the glass and proceeds to chug the drink¡ªthe entire thing, down to the last sip¡ªin a couple of seconds.


    "Thanks," she says as she tosses the empty can into the trash bin across the room. It lands inside perfectly¡ªshe''s not even a basketball player.


    "Is that... all?" I probe. It''s not that I want her to be drunk on two consecutive weekday nights, but who comes to a bar and does not get any alcoholic drinks?


    "For now. Come here, Cherry. Sit next to me."


    My code name sounds so strange when RJ says it. Strange, but also strangely sweet. I remember how annoyed she got last night when I sat at a distance from her, so I settle right next to her. The floral scent of her shampoo is very strong at this proximity.


    She rummages through her bag and takes out an iPad, as well as a folder of notes. Chemistry notes.


    Huh?


    "These are extra questions for Chemistry remedial class. Help me test it out, ''kay?" She swipes at her iPad, opening up a familiar set of lecture notes. "You can refer to the notes as you answer, and if you get stuck, just ask me."


    I blink. What in the crazy rich Asians'' world is going on here? Why is RJ asking me to do Chemistry remedial questions? She doesn''t even need remedial lessons.


    I force out a laugh and attempt to maintain my older, legal-age persona. "Oh, I cannot lah, chiobu. It- It''s been so long since I last took a Chemistry class, I forgot everything liao."


    RJ raises her eyebrows. "Hm," is all she says to my weak lie. She pushes the folder towards me and taps on it. "Just try lah."


    Reluctantly, I flip open the binder.


    1. Arrange these elements in the order of increasing ionization energy.


    My back slumps as I feel my mind crumbling. What even is ionization energy?


    "I- I don''t think I can do this..." I mutter.


    "Why not?" RJ frowns. She scoots closer towards me and leans over my shoulder. Her chest presses on my back, while her breath tickles my neck. "Which question? Question one? Ionization energy?"


    My body is heating up, but I manage a nod. "I don''t understand."


    "Which part?"


    "Everything." My voice is now a soft whimper. I want to run away, but RJ''s body is still pushed against me, caging me here, keeping me trapped. "I don''t understand everything."


    "Okay, no problem. Let''s break it down, okay? First, let''s recap about ionization energy." RJ reaches for the iPad. Her arm squishes on top of mine as she swipes on the screen to the relevant part of the lecture notes. "Here. Read this."


    "I don''t get it."


    "You didn''t even read."


    "I won''t get it one lah."


    "I''ll help you get it. Read."


    By then, I have had enough. I am stressed on so many levels. My worst subject is staring in front of me, and my strangest customer is weighing down on me. I''m tired from school, tired from work, tired from life. Emma is annoyed at me, Mango is pissed at me, Ms. Goh is disappointed in me, M¨¡ma is worrying me, and R-freaking-J is sending my head to spirals with her intoxicating scent and soft skin and low voice...


    "Why are you doing this?" I yell, pushing RJ away. She lands on the floor with a thud. "Why are you even here? You''re not even dressed properly lah! You''re not even supposed to be here!"


    RJ stares up at me with widened eyes. "Oh, sorry. I didn''t have time to change¡ª"


    "Because you came straight from your CCA! You''re still wearing the school''s tennis jacket sia! Why? Why come here, and then book a room for five hours, and then ask for me, and then do these stupid remedial Chemistry questions?" The more I scream, the more my eyes turn hot. RJ is now a watery blur. "Why, RJ? Why are you here?"


    I break into a sob. My shoulders heave uncontrollably as I let my stress pour out of my body.


    A napkin dabs my face, wiping my tears away from under my masquerade mask. My stupid mask.


    Stupid, useless mask.


    "You know who I am already, right?" I whisper.


    The voice that replies is soft and somber. "I just want to help, Chloe."


    Hearing my actual name, I collapse into RJ''s arms and continue to sob.

 5.2

    I bury my wet face in my hands as I slump onto the leather couch. The mask that I am required to wear at all times is thrown on the table. If anybody else were to walk in right now, I would definitely be fired.


    As if reading my mind, RJ assures me, "Don''t worry lah, I''ve got you covered. No one will see you."


    She is sitting next to me, leaning forward just the right amount so her body blocks any line of sight from the door. I know that no one disturbs the VIP room unless there''s a cry for help or a push of the emergency button, but I still appreciate her attempt to hide me.


    My eyes trail down to her varsity jacket, and my cheeks burn at the blotch of dampness on her chest. I can''t believe I spent ten minutes crying in her arms like a baby. The poor jacket must be so gross now.


    "When... did you figure out?" I ask softly.


    RJ averts her head from me. "It''s super obvious lor. Your voice. The way you walk. Your face shape." There is a short pause. "Your lips."


    My hands fly to my lips before they drop. "Oh... so obvious one ah?" I let out a nervous chuckle. I find myself pulling at the hem of my glittery dress. It is more than halfway up my thigh, and the more I pull, the shorter it seems to get. "Did you... Did you tell anybody?"


    She snorts. "No. Do I look like a snitch?"


    "N- No... but looks can be deceiving one, you know? I mean... you don''t look like someone who would smoke weed."


    "And you don''t look like someone who would do a job like this."


    I flinch at that comment, and RJ quickly adds, "Sorry." Her hand flies up, as though she wanted to place it on my shoulders, but it stops short, hovering awkwardly in the air instead. "I didn''t mean that. I''m sorry."


    My fists curl up more on my dress. I expected the shame that would come if I were ever found out by anybody in my life, but it still hurts a lot more than I imagined.


    "You can think whatever you want about me for working here, but it''s my life, okay?" I snap. "I need money, and this is the fastest way to get it."


    RJ''s frown deepens. "Why do you need the money?"


    I frown as well. "Why do you want to know?" I remember Mango''s assumption about my anonymous tipper, and I gasp. "Wait, you are the one who gave me that huge tip, right? Oh my god, RJ. Why are you doing this? Please don''t do it again. And please don''t come here again!"


    "Why not? I want to come here. This is a great environment to do homework."


    "This is not funny, RJ. If people see you coming here, what would they think?"


    RJ slumps on the seat and spreads her arms out over the back of the couch. "Whatever lah. Fuck what other people think."


    She said this yesterday too when Markus asked her about Jon. Does she really not care? Does she not worry that people will think that she''s a... I recall the way Mango said the L-word in the afternoon, with so much disdain and vitriol, and I find myself recoiling at the memory. I don''t want anybody to attack RJ like that, not when she is trying to help me.


    "Please stop coming here, RJ," I whisper. "It will be... so bad for your reputation lah."


    "Not really. At least I''m not, like, working here."


    Again with the subtle shaming. I purse my lips. "What''s wrong with you ah? You really hate that I''m working here? Yesterday, you were, like, glaring at the other guys all night lor."


    "I wasn''t glaring. I have a resting bitch face, that''s all."


    "I know your usual look. You were glaring."


    "Fine." RJ sits up, staring at me with the same intense anger as she had yesterday. "I was glaring. I hate that you''re working here, okay? I hate the customers here, I hate that you talk to people like Markus, and I hate that stupid American boss of yours. I hate that of all jobs out there in the world, you chose to work here. What the hell are you even thinking?"


    I would have been scared stiff by her tone if not for the indignation welling inside me. "I told you already, I need the money," I retort. "This job may be risky but I need to risk it. But you, on the other hand," ¡ªI jab my finger at her.¡ª "you have no reason to risk and come here lor."


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    "I do." RJ leans back on the couch. "I told you, this is a great environment to do homework."


    "This is the most expensive place to do homework lah!"


    "Good thing I can afford it."


    "RJ, please! You''re just wasting your parents'' money, just pouring it down the drain!"


    "Don''t worry about my parents lah. There''s literally nothing I can do to bankrupt them. And also, I''m not using their money. I''m working for Ms. Goh now." She nudges her head towards the table, where the folder of Chemistry questions sits in front of me. "If you want to help me earn some money, you can start by being my practice student."


    My eyes dart from RJ to the cursed Chemistry worksheets. "What? You''re working for Ms. Goh? Why?" If RJ needs to earn money for herself, the Southeast Asian economy must be crashing hard.


    "For fun lah."


    There is a slight twitch in her brows that makes me not believe that. I recall the huge wad of cash I received earlier in the day, and the dread in my heart grows. "Wait, are you... are you doing this for me?"


    RJ rolls her eyes. "No lah, doing this for my resume. You think everything is about you ah?"


    My cheeks burn at that accusation. "S- Sorry... Well, go teach someone else then. I''m the worst in Chemistry, you know? I''ll be the hardest student to teach."


    "It''s okay. I like a challenge."


    "Teach someone else lah! Teach Jon! Or Logan?"


    "Jon is too smart, Logan is too stupid. You will be the perfect middle ground for my first student."


    I want to pull my hair out. Why is she insisting on doing this? It''s like she wants to ruin her life. I am running out of ideas, so I turn to my last resort. "O- Okay, if- if you don''t stop coming here, I''ll- I''ll snitch you out ah. I''ll... tell Jon!"


    RJ raises her eyebrows. There is a slight pause before she says, "Sure, go ahead."


    My mouth drops before I slam it close into a pout. Why would she say that? How could she not care at all? Is she teasing me?


    Ignoring my fluster, RJ continues, using her fingers to count the days, "I''m gonna be coming by every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday, after my tennis practice. I already told your boss."


    "No! Cancel it lah! If you come here again, I- I really will tell him one!"


    "And I really don''t care." RJ sits up one last time. She leans her elbows on her knees as she stares at me. "So can you just shut up and do the questions now? I paid for your time, right? I''m your customer, right?"


    I groan. RJ is jeopardizing her reputation and wasting all her time and money, and for what? To help me? It''s not worth it at all. But I know I cannot chase RJ away. At least not today.


    Turning back to the table, I can''t help but let out yet another loud groan. "Of all subjects to teach, you pick my worst."


    "Oh, don''t worry lah, after this, we''re doing Econ. Then Math. And then if we have time, Physics." A small smirk creeps up RJ''s lips. "I have five hours with you."


    This is RJ''s first genuine smile with me and it''s about torturing me with school work. I am not sure if I should be happy or annoyed. I let out a frustrated sigh.


    "Yeah lah, yeah lah... You win," I mutter.


    RJ''s smirk widens. "Of course lah, I always win."


    ---


    Feb 5, 2014, Wednesday.


    When the last bell rings, I begin stuffing my things into my bag as usual, while Emma and Adrian have their routine quarrel next to me. As I get ready to dash out of school, I notice RJ following Ms. Goh out of the classroom, carrying worksheets and chatting.


    My eyes glance over to RJ''s clique still hanging around the front of the classroom.


    RJ and her friends comprise some of the most beautiful people in school, and also the best athletes the school has to offer. Audrey, the volleyball captain, is talking and chortling loudly with Logan, the baseball team''s star pitcher. Next to the rowdy pair, Huimin and Jon are a lot milder. Huimin is wearing the same tennis varsity jacket as RJ, and she is chatting with Jon, one of the most popular basketball players in school.


    All of them are gorgeous, sporty, and probably super-rich, and RJ fits right in with them. I think about RJ''s good grades, and how all the teachers love her. I think about how picture-perfect her life looks. And I think about how different the other customers in Tropic Falls are from her¡ªso sleazy and gross, but despite how sleazy and gross they are, it''s still a huge scandal whenever they get found out. RJ''s life would be wrecked if she continues to visit Tropic Falls.


    I can''t let that happen to her. I can risk my reputation working there, but she shouldn''t risk hers. Especially if she''s just there to help me. That''s just not right...


    "Are you not leaving for work, Chloe?" Emma asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.


    "Yeah, yeah, I am." I zip my bag and place it on my desk. "Wait ah."


    I am not sure how I find the courage, but I make my way toward Jon. He is streaming out of the classroom with the rest of the class, and I manage to scoot in front of him before he steps out.


    "H- Hey, Jon."


    Jon raises his eyebrows curiously, but he gives me a small smile. "Hey, Chloe. What''s up?"


    I have never spoken to him before, but he already seems like a decent guy. A decent, smart guy who would stop RJ from making more mistakes and ruining her life.


    "Can I, uh, can I tell you something? About RJ?"


    He frowns. "Uh, sure?"


    I shuffle away from the door, peeking over my shoulders for his friends. "I, uh, I wanted to let you know... I saw RJ coming from a bar, um, a bar called Tropic Falls..." I remember that RJ''s first visit was for buying weed from Markus and that Jon might already know about that, so I add, "I saw her yesterday night."


    Jon''s brows twitch at the last two words. "Oh." He clears his throat. "Okay? And?"


    And? My cheeks heat up at his response. Of course Jon does not know what to do with this information. RJ is her own person, why did I think Jon could get her to stop visiting the bar? What am I thinking?


    "N- Nothing lah. Just- Just thought you should know since you''re her boyfriend... Well, sorry, forget I said anything, I''m sorry..."


    With that, I bolt back to my desk, push past Huimin who was hovering close to the door, and grab my bag.


    Emma and Adrian look like they want to ask me what''s wrong, but I rush past them.


    "Gotta go now, sorry!" I scream before running for the bus.

 6 | Chemistry Lessons at Jons

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 5, 2014, Wednesday.


    Jon''s house is next to mine, but it still takes me a while to get from my house to his back gate. My phone has been buzzing crazily for the past half hour, and it is still going off even as I enter the back door and slip into the house slippers.


    It took me longer than expected to make the remedial worksheets for Ms. Goh, so now I''m a lot later to my usual hangout with my friends, and judging by my hundred missed calls, Logan isn''t taking that well.


    "Lobang, you''re fucking annoying lah," is the first thing I say when I slam open the door to Jon''s room.


    "Ay, RJ! Finally ah!" Logan exclaims. He is sitting cross-legged on the couch, one hand on an Xbox controller and the other on his phone, presumably calling me over and over again while he plays.


    I throw my bag at him. It flies across the room in a straight pitch, but it does not faze the baseball player. He catches the bag without a flinch and gives me the widest, stupidest grin ever. "Wah, wah, wah, I angered the RJ liao. Scary, scary."


    Jon is leaning on the other side of the couch and holding the other Xbox controller. He has changed into his favorite indoor hoodie, and he barely turns his head as he greets, "Yo. Why so late?"


    Rolling my eyes, I settle into the small space between the two boys. "Just talking to Ms. Goh lor. Remember last year she asked me to help her teach Chem remedial? Yeah, I''m taking up the offer now. Just now I was trying to come up with practice questions and stuff for her. Took me a while though. I didn''t know how hard it would be sia."


    Jon''s eyebrows furrow. "I thought you said you hate teaching."


    "Just trying it out lor," I say with a shrug. "Maybe I''ll like it."


    "Oh yeah, RJ!" Logan jolts up in excitement. "You know just now when you left with Ms. Goh, the craziest thing happened! Chloe Lee asked Jon out leh!"


    This time, it was my turn to frown. So Chloe did snitch to Jon like she threatened yesterday, and Jon must have covered it up with a lie. I did not expect her to actually follow through with her threats, and now dread is creeping up on me.


    "Oh, is it true?" I give Jon a cautious glance.


    His jaw muscle twitches. "No lah," he mutters. "She just asked me if I wanted to study with her, that''s all."


    "That''s the same thing lor." Logan shrugs and slumps back on the couch. "Help a bro out leh, Jon. Intro me to her leh."


    "Shut up lah, Lobang," I say. "Leave her al¡ª"


    Jon throws his controller on the table, cutting me off with a loud clunk. The room quietens.


    "I''m getting snacks," he announces as he stands up and leaves.


    I exchange a look with Logan. He stares back at me with concern, mouthing, What''s wrong?


    I know what''s wrong, so I let out a sigh and stand up. "I''ll go help him," I say before leaving as well.


    Jon and I are silent as we make our way from his room to the kitchen, passing by a pool, a koi pond, and a gallery of art. He is avoiding eye contact, but his heavy strides are more than enough to tell me that he''s fuming. When we reach the kitchen, he spins around and fixes me with a scowl.


    "I don''t like lying to my friends, but I had to. Chloe came to me and said she saw you in Tropic."


    I pinch the bridge of my nose. Stupid girl and her stupid tattle tongue. I want to feel annoyed by her, but I can''t seem to bring myself to. After all, I did say she could do this. "Oh, yeah, sorry lah. I''ll be more careful next time when I go find Markus."


    "No, she said she saw you there yesterday." Jon towers over me, and I have to lean back on the kitchen counter to maintain my icy glare. "But yesterday you said you were studying all night."


    I was not lying about that, so I coolly flick my hair off my shoulders and say, "Yeah, I studied, but I also went there. For fun."


    "Is this why you''re taking up Ms. Goh''s job offer? To get more money to spend there?"


    "Since when do you fucking control the way I spend?"


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    "Since a random classmate managed to spot you! You want to blow our cover, is that it?"


    I stuff my hands into my pockets and avert my head. "I already said sorry lah. I''ll be more careful in the future."


    "This is also not just about being spotted lah," Jon continues as he starts to assemble a plate with an assortment of snacks from his pantry. "Why are you even going there so often? You like someone there, don''t you?"


    Chloe flashes across my mind, but I shake the image off. She is the reason I''m doing this, but it is just because I want to help.


    "You better stop," Jon continues after my lack of response, "before they take all your money hor. I''ve been there, you know, right? Falling for someone at a place like that is not gonna be good."


    "Yeah, I know." My voice lowers at the memory. Jon''s ex was a cute polytechnic girl he met at another club, and she caused a storm in his family. It is part of the reason why his parents became stricter on the type of people he''s allowed to date.


    "Not all of them are like her though," I add.


    The snack plate is done. Jon shrugs as he lifts it up. "Hey, that''s what I thought when I got together with Jennie too. You never know. And I''m just warning you, it''s gonna be messy if you end up falling too deep. I''m just worried for you lah."


    "Yeah, I know."


    "And don''t fucking get spotted by a classmate again!"


    "Yeah, I know."


    "For real, I need you to keep up this pact, man. Don''t fuck it up."


    I let out one last sigh. Our family situations are similar, and Jon''s parents are like mine, except a lot less cruel, so I understand his fear. "Yeah lah, yeah lah, I know lah. You also, don''t you fucking dare tell my parents."


    Jon gives me a wry smile. "Of course not lah, who do you think I am?"


    I return the smile with a light punch on his shoulder.


    With that, we walk back to Jon''s room. Logan is video calling Audrey, chattering nervously, and he hangs up when we enter the room.


    "Oh my god, you guys made up!" He cries in relief. "Wah, I was so worried for a moment."


    "Wow." Jon snorts as he places the plate on the table. "We left for, like, one minute, and you already gossiping with Audrey."


    "I was alone in the room mah! I was so bored leh."


    "One minute," I repeat what Jon said with an eye roll. "You couldn''t stay still for one minute."


    "You guys left for more than one minute lor!" Logan argues. He sits up as we take back our places on the couch, and a cheeky smile climbs onto his face. "Oh, hey, by the way, just now Audrey was telling me something about Chloe Lee."


    Instantly, my body tenses again. Chloe, again?


    "What about her?" I demand. I can feel Jon casting a strange look at me but I don''t care.


    Logan, on the other hand, is delighted by my response. "Wait, wait, I call her again."


    "Lobang!" Audrey''s voice screams through the phone the moment Logan calls. "What happened? They really broke up ah?"


    "No lah! Still together!"


    "Oh, chey. Then you call me for what?"


    Jon and I turn to each other, eyebrows raised. Despite our relationship being staged, it still feels weird to have a friend actively root for our ''breakup''.


    While Audrey is the queen of gossip, Logan is the lover of drama. He is oblivious to our reactions and continues egging Audrey on. "Tell us about the thing you told me just now! About Chloe!"


    Audrey laughs. There''s a bit of noise on her side from traffic; she is probably walking home from the bus stop. "Oh, that? Aiya, it''s nothing much lah, but you remember how on Thursday I had to leave school a bit earlier for my volleyball match? Yeah, so right, I actually had to go back to school to grab something, and then right, I saw Chloe at the bus stop. She was not in her school uniform, and was putting on lots of makeup and stuff leh! Eyeliner, foundation, everything, like the kind you wear to go to nightclubs."


    A stone lands in my stomach. Shit, did Audrey find out about Chloe?


    Logan jumps up. "Yo! Chloe in makeup? Did you take a photo?"


    "Shut the fuck up, Lobang," I snap. "You don''t go around taking photos of people."


    "Sorry, sorry," he quickly says, "I got too excited."


    Audrey lets out a giggle. "But anyway, that''s it lor, I don''t know where she went after that. I thought maybe she''s going out to see her secret boyfriend or something, if not, why change out of school uniform and start putting on makeup, right? But then she asked Jon out leh, so I don''t know anymore."


    "I''m also confused sia. How come she never asks me out?" Logan whines.


    "Gross lah, who would ask you out?"


    "You blind ah? I''m damn good-looking, okay?"


    Logan and Audrey go into their usual bickering. I am relieved that Chloe''s job is not busted, but I still grind my teeth in frustration. Even though I am annoyed at her for snitching to Jon, she does not deserve to be talked about like this.


    "Enough about Chloe, okay? You two are just making up fake shit," I say, my tone harsh.


    "Yeah, Audrey," Jon chimes in as well. "You''re thinking too much lah. What if she''s just going out with her family or something? No big deal one lah."


    "Cannot be lah. She doesn''t have a whole family, she only has a mother."


    What?


    That information shocks me as much as everyone else in the room. Neither of us replies for a while until I reach over, press the end call button, grab Logan''s phone, and toss it to the bed.


    "Yo!" Logan stares at me, flabbergasted. "Why did you do that?"


    "Audrey''s being fucking annoying," I growl.


    "Still don''t have to throw my phone what!" Logan scrambles over to the bed to grab it.


    "Chill lah, RJ," Jon says. "She''s just having a little fun."


    I fold my arms. "I don''t find it fun."


    Jon''s expression has been strange ever since Audrey started talking, but his lips tug to a knowing smirk at my response. He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows as if to say, Why? You like her ah?


    I roll my eyes and grab my bag. "Okay lah, no more bullshit. Let''s do some homework. I want to finish the math problem set today. And then after that, the two of you better help test out the Chemistry questions I wrote."


    "Ew, Chemistry?" Logan groans.


    Jon collapses on the couch as well. "No, please, anything but Chemistry."


    They can complain all they want but they will listen to me eventually. I will get them to listen, just like how I got Chloe to listen.


    And tomorrow, I will find that girl in Tropic Falls and scold the hell out of her for being a fucking snitch.

 Glossary

    <u>General note</u>: All the ''lah'', ''leh'', ''oi'', ''har'', ''aiya'', etc. added to the dialogue are part of the Singlish vocabulary to accentuate the meaning of the sentence.


    A levels: An examination held annually in Singapore, conducted jointly by Singapore''s Ministry of Education and the University of Cambridge.


    ACS: Anglo-Chinese School, one of Singapore''s top high schools.


    Chiarong, or ¼ÑÈÝ: Chloe''s Chinese name. The first character means "good, auspicious, beautiful" while the second means "appearance, form". So essentially, a good and beautiful girl.


    Chio: Pretty in Hokkien.


    Chiobu: Pretty girl in Hokkien.


    CCA: Co-curricular activity. Used to be known as extracurricular activity, but the name is changed in Singapore. It''s a non-academic activity that is required for all students to undertake as part of their education.


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    EC: eye candy. Meaning: someone you find superficially attractive to look at, but not necessarily crushing or interested romantically. It''s a Singaporean slang used among Junior College students. It can also be used as a verb.


    Example usage 1: "Who is your EC?" "Jon!"


    Example usage 2: "Omg let me tell you a secret... I EC Jon."


    HDB: Housing Development Board, Singapore''s public housing. They are subsidized housing built and managed by the government.


    Hokkien: A common Chinese dialect spoken in Singapore


    Hyuna: Popular solo artist in South Korea.


    Is it?: A variation of "Really?" Usually appended to a sentence.


    Jay Chou: Jay Chou is the king of MandoPop.


    JC: Junior College. High school equivalent in Singapore.


    One: Sometimes added to the end of a sentence to emphasize it. It has Mandarin roots to it, and a Reddit discussion is linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/singapore/comments/3t47t6/how_do_you_use_one_in_singlish/</a>


    Siao: Crazy in Hokkien.


    Wah lao: A Hokkien curse word commonly used.

 7 | The Truth, Revealed

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 6, 2014, Thursday.


    My feet are as heavy as my heart as I trudge toward the VIP room. Clementine was smiling so cheerfully when she told me RJ was here, but I know this is bad news for me.


    I snitched her out to Jon yesterday. And today, I got a day full of death glares from RJ and her friends, which affected my friends too. Emma was frightened and on edge all day, while Adrian seemed to enjoy the unusual attention.


    Recalling RJ''s expression sends a small shiver down my spine. She must be so angry at me, but that did nothing to stop her from coming here again today...


    Gulping down my dread, I enter the room.


    RJ has changed out of her tennis jersey and is wearing a maroon blazer with a black skort and a matching bralette. Heat flushes my cheeks. The blazer covers up most of her torso, but I can still see a tiny bit of cleavage and a slim, defined midriff. This girl can pull off anything she wears.


    I clear my throat before I greet, "H- Hey, RJ. You''re... back."


    RJ responds with a short tilt of her head. Carefully, I shuffle to her side and sit next to her. She taps her temple with her finger, and I take my mask off.


    I can feel the anger radiating from her. A sort of cold, controlled anger, like ice that burns to the touch. Before she can berate me, I blurt, "You said I could tell him hor."


    RJ regards me with a strange, contemplative look. "Yep, I did say that."


    "So- So it''s not completely my fault hor." Right after saying that, I am hit with a pang of guilt. "But is- is everything okay, um, between you and Jon? Did I... Did he... I..." I clear my throat again. "I didn''t mean to snitch lah, I- I just didn''t want you to come here again mah. I''m..."


    Her eyes not leaving my face, RJ leans back on the couch and spreads her arms out. "What exactly did you think snitching to Jon was going to do?"


    I shift my butt a few times. "Uh, I was hoping, like, maybe, he would stop you from coming here again."


    "You think he can stop me?"


    "He''s your boyfriend mah, so I thought..." I trail off. What had I even thought? How could I think a boyfriend could control his girlfriend like that? My cheeks flush even more.


    RJ looks away. There is a long pause before she says, "Jon is not my boyfriend."


    "Huh?"


    "Our relationship is fake lah."


    I blink. "What? Why?"


    "He''s the oldest son of the biggest conglomerate in South East Asia," RJ explains. "So his parents are super paranoid about who he hangs out with and stuff. They''ve become a lot more lenient with him ever since he started ''dating'' me, so that''s why he wants to do this lor. And also, he gets way too much attention whenever he''s single, with everyone trying to set him up left and right, and he doesn''t like that." She runs her hands through her brown hair and adds, "And the same for me lor. I don''t want any... male attention."


    "Oh." The two of them indeed get a lot of attention in school. Both their parents own large companies¡ªSoon Kwek Foods for Jon, and Shin Tech for RJ¡ªand everyone in school talks about them as though they are celebrities. But for some reason, I assumed that meant they were very compatible with each other. To think that their relationship has been fake all this time...


    "But you two are so... close," I say.


    "Yeah, well, Jon and I grew up together mah. We''re basically siblings lah. We''re even closer than our actual siblings. Our parents wanted so badly for us to get together since we were young, but we both ended up disgusted at the idea. At least I am disgusted lah..." She taps her fingers on the leather cushion as she trails off.


    I recall the interactions I''ve seen between RJ and Jon. The two of them are so comfortable with each other. The way they exchange glances every so often as if communicating telepathically, and the way they touch each other on the shoulders or slap each other on the back... Is that just a sibling-like relationship? I don''t have siblings so I cannot relate to it. But they are definitely close, so close that they have the entire school fooled.


    Without thinking, I utter, "That''s kinda sweet..."


    RJ turns back to me and raises her eyebrows. "Really? You think?"


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    My face flushes. I do not know why I said that out loud. "Yeah, I- I think so? Your fake dating seems more real than some real relationships lor." More real than my mother''s relationship with my biological father, that''s for sure...


    "Yeah, I can see that. Maybe it''s because I do love Jon, just not, like, in a romantic way." She shrugs.


    "Oh..." I glance at her. "No wonder you were okay with me telling him about this."


    "Not really, but I trust him enough to not say shit to people lah." Her brows furrow. "But if you dare tell my mother hor, then we''ll have a problem."


    I grip my dress. My mother also does not know about me being here, so I understand RJ''s wishes. "I won''t lah. A- And I''m really sorry for telling Jon, by the way."


    RJ rolls her eyes. "Finally, a proper apology for what you did."


    "S- Sorry... I- I know you just want to help lah, but this... Coming here and spending all this money, it- it doesn''t feel right. I... If I didn''t need the money, I wouldn''t do this either, you know..." My grip on my dress tightens and I take in a deep breath. I don''t like to reveal this, but I feel like I owe RJ an explanation. "My mother... She has glaucoma."


    "What''s that?" RJ asks hesitantly.


    "It''s an eye disease. There''s, like, damage to the nerves in the eyes and... I don''t know lah. All I know is that it can lead to blindness."


    RJ''s eyes enlarge. Her face slowly scrunches up like she was punched before she looks away. "I''m sorry," she says, her voice the lowest and gentlest I''ve ever heard. "Can it be treated?"


    "It can be treated, but it can''t be cured, so whatever vision loss she already has will be... permanent. But it can be treated to stop it from getting worse, from getting to complete blindness..." My voice trembles and I take another deep breath. I have not revealed this detail to anyone, not even Emma and Adrian. I don''t know why it''s spilling out from me now. "We buy eye drops to treat it for now, but it doesn''t help that much lah. Even the doctor doesn''t recommend it much. It also runs out super quickly, so we have to keep spending every month, forever and ever and ever, for some stupid eye drops that barely work."


    "Are there other ways of treatment? Like, surgeries?"


    I nod. "But we can''t afford it lah." A sigh escapes my throat. "Our insurance covers part of the cost of the eye drops, but not the surgery."


    My eyes drift away from the crestfallen RJ. "I have a time limit, RJ," I whisper. "I know I''m falling behind in school and everything lah, but my mother''s vision is deteriorating by the day, you know. She already cannot see words on the computer screen, and then she lost her job because of that. She found some new jobs but... they''re tough. Like, very, very tough. I worry about her lah. If her eyes get any worse, I- I don''t know if she can even find a job anywhere else."


    "They''re not supposed to fire people because of health problems," RJ states. "That''s not legal."


    "I know, but they say they fired her because of budgeting issues. So what to do..."


    "Bunch of fuckers," RJ mumbles. She glances at me. "How much is the surgery?"


    I purse my lips. RJ is rich, but if she''s asking this question so she can give me money directly... I don''t want it. I don''t want her to be throwing her money at me. Not like this.


    She senses my hesitancy and changes the question. "How much longer do you have to... work here for?"


    "I don''t know leh," I admit. "If- If I keep this up, maybe... the whole year?"


    "The whole year? What about your A levels? Don''t you want to get into universities?"


    My heart sinks as I think about the major national exam at the end of the year. "I''ll just take time off for a month before that lor. I- I don''t know lah, I''ll figure it out." I say that but I know that my grades are atrocious. It was bad enough last year before my mother''s health scare, and it''s been spiraling further downwards since I started to work. But I cannot afford to think about this. Not right now.


    There is a long moment of silence as we sit there, staring down at nothing in particular. RJ is frowning the hardest I have ever seen her, and her fists are clenched. Is she still mad at me? Maybe she''s upset about my flippant attitude towards school.


    Finally, she grabs her bag and takes out a few folders. "Okay, you have a lot to catch up on then. You have to keep your grades up throughout the year if you want to do well in A levels."


    I glance over at the labels of the folders. Chemistry, Physics, Math, Economics... It is every single subject we take. I feel my soul leaving my body.


    "How are you so good at all the subjects ah?" I ask sincerely. "It''s not like you don''t have other commitments in life lor. You''re in the tennis club, you play for the school team, you help the teachers out a lot, and you have a proper social life lor. And you do them all so... effortlessly, I don''t know lah. You''re like... a genius."


    "I''m not lah. I just grew up preparing for this. I''ve been attending extra lessons since kindergarten and going for private tutoring for every single subject. I''m not smart or hardworking or anything lah, I''m just... well-prepared." She pauses. "Too well prepared."


    I stare at her in disbelief. "How are you not tired of school by now?"


    Her lip curls a little as she chuckles. "How do you know I''m not?"


    "I don''t know, you''re always so..." Intense. Fierce. "...energetic."


    "Coffee helps."


    "I drink coffee too leh..."


    "Chloe." She looks at me with a strange glare in her eyes. "I don''t have anything to worry about in life other than school. I don''t have it as hard as you lah. So please, shut up and let me help you, okay?"


    A pout grows on my lips. "Okay... I hate Chemistry though..."


    "That''s fine. What subject do you want to start with then?"


    "None," I admit. "I want to sleep."


    I expect RJ to scold me for that statement, but instead, her expression softens. "That''s fine too. You look tired."


    "Do I? My makeup is supposed to cover my eyebags..."


    "I can still tell lah." She taps on her lap. "Rest. We''ll start when you wake up."


    A warm shudder runs through my body and ends up in my stomach. All the anger that RJ had from the day has vanished, and she is now the nicest person ever.


    Without question, I lie on the couch and place my head where RJ tapped. She takes off her blazer¡ªrevealing the rest of her broad shoulders and toned arms¡ªand places it on me. Despite the fierceness in her eyes, and despite her lack of smile, she is very gentle as she cradles me in her lap. I am warm both with her jacket and with the fuzzy feeling growing inside of me.


    "RJ," I whisper, "I''m sorry for telling Jon, but please don''t waste money just to do homework with me here."


    RJ glances at me before leaning back on the couch. "Go to sleep lah."

 8.1 | The Truth, Exposed

    Warning: mild explicit scene


    ---


    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 7, 2014, Friday.


    Tennis practice drains me more than normal. Maybe it was not a good idea to stay up late answering Chloe''s incessant questions through texts. But I had to. She finally started to get a bit of understanding of the concepts, and I needed to keep her motivation going.


    I stifle a yawn as I dig for my towel.


    "Eh, RJ, you joining us for dinner later?" Joei asks, planting a hard slap on my back.


    I give the tennis captain a cautious glance. "Sorry, Joei. No time today."


    She frowns. "Again?"


    "Yeah, sorry, things have been crazy lah. I''m... preparing to teach Chem remedial lessons and everything."


    "Oh, okay," Joei says slowly. "Next time then?"


    Ever since she became captain, Joei has been taking team dinners very seriously¡ªit''s supposedly good for team morale. I know she is letting me off for now because I''m her friend. But with my appointments at Tropic Falls, I am not sure when I will have time for these dinners.


    "Yeah, yeah, next time," I lie.


    Joei narrows her eyes at me before nodding and walking away. As she marches into the bathroom, she yells some encouragement at the newly-joined first-years about their friendly game today.


    "Everything okay?" Huimin approaches me, looking up at me with a pair of concerned eyes.


    I force a smile. "Yeah lah. Just tired."


    Huimin looks like she wants to ask something more, but I don''t wait for her to say it as I follow the rest of the team into the bathroom. Slipping into a walled shower cubicle, I close the door shut and hide myself from the world. I badly need some alone time after a long day of school and tennis practice.


    The tension in my body releases as hot water rains down on me. Letting out a sigh, I slump forward and rest my forehead on the cold tiles.


    I am so glad it''s Friday. I will have to find Chloe later and probably teach her the entire Junior College syllabus again, but after today, I''ll finally get a bit of a breather.


    Her face flashes through my mind¡ªher usual smile as she greets people, her dreary expression as we go through practice questions, her crestfallen face when she tells me her mother''s condition... Once again, my heart aches with worry. I cannot believe she has been carrying all that burden with her. No wonder she was always so tired in class. No wonder she is pushing herself to work that job.


    I close my eyes and try to shake the distress away. Instead, I focus on the shower¡ªthe warmth enveloping me, the smell of my shampoo, the soft pelting of the water. My body relaxes, and my hand travels towards the spot between my legs. Leaning my weight on the wall in front of me, I slide my fingers inside me.


    My skin tingles with pleasure, and my wrist quickens in its movement as I imagine my celebrity crushes, this random model I saw in a magazine the other day, and then... Chloe.


    No, no, go back to celebrities. Victoria''s Secret models. Hyuna. Jennifer Lawrence.


    The pleasure rises in me, and a breath catches in my throat. I let my hand go on autopilot¡ªand Chloe appears in my mind again. This time, I cannot stop her from flooding my brain. Chloe, in her Tropic Falls outfit, tugging on the hem of her glittery dress. Chloe, and her smile, her little pout, her cute laugh. Chloe, draped against me, doing this to me...


    I bite my lips to keep a gasp from escaping as I finish. When the feeling fades away, I slump backward, panting heavily. Guilt hits me like a hard slap in the face.


    Shit, shit, shit. Why the fuck did I do that? I shouldn''t be imagining a friend. How am I even supposed to face her later?


    I need to go home and cool my head.


    I turn off the shower and get changed as quickly as possible. Grabbing my bags, I storm out of the building without saying goodbye to the rest of my team.


    Rubbing my temples, I step out of the school gate and spot a familiar black sedan parked at the curb. I frown. What is our car doing here?


    The family chauffeur steps out and opens the door for me.


    "Miss Shin." He nods his head as a bow.


    I grunt unhappily before climbing into the car. When I see the passenger inside, I let out a loud groan.


    "Hello, Ruijun," says the usual icy voice.


    I fold my arms and snap, "What do you want lah?"


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    Ma ignores me for a good ten minutes as she types on her laptop, presumably sending out one last scathing email. The car finds its way into the highway before she finally closes her computer and turns to me.


    "Is that the correct attitude to have when talking to your mother?" she asks in her exaggerated proper accent.


    "I''m meeting with my friends later hor, so if you want to talk, make it quick."


    She smooths her dark pantsuit before crossing her legs. "We''ll chat more during dinner. We need to talk as a family."


    "About what?" I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I bet it''s going to be yet another stupid lecture on my attitude or something just as trivial.


    "Your future."


    My eyebrows twitch. That is vague as hell, but I know my mother is not going to elaborate further until we are home and out of earshot of outsiders.


    We sit in silence for the rest of the trip home. Even as we step out of the car and walk into the house and dining room, the only sounds exchanged between us are Ma''s stilettos clicking on the floor.


    Ruimin is seated at the dining table, twiddling his fingers as he waits. He jolts up when he sees us walking in.


    "Ma, Jie," he greets. His confused eyes meet mine and they seem to be screaming, "What''s happening, Jie?"


    Plopping my bags on the floor, I give him a small smile to calm him down as I sit next to him. Among the two of us, I''m the sibling who bears the brunt of Ma''s tyranny, so I''m used to these sudden ''meetings'' she calls for. Ruimin is more well-behaved, so he''s understandably more anxious.


    "Evening, Ruimin." Ma settles into the seat at the end of the table as if she is starting a board meeting with the company. She gestures for our maid to pour tea for all of us, and faces my younger brother. "How is school?"


    He smiles. "It''s good."


    "And how are the classes at the Math Science Talent Program you''re in?"


    "Oh, uh, good too! We have more homework than other classes, but it''s going okay so far."


    I wait till our maid leaves before interjecting, "Where''s Ba? Let''s get this over with lah."


    My mother''s expression stiffens. "He should be on his way," she says as she whips out her phone. As usual, she has to text my father to remind him about this.


    Rolling my eyes, I turn to Ruimin and we start talking about the latest shows we''re watching and songs we''re listening to. We''re halfway through our discussion about the Hunger Games when Ba walks in.


    He looks surprised by the attendance as if he''s not the one who''s always late to things. "Oh, everyone''s already here ah," he says, taking the seat opposite my mother.


    "Yes, dear. Shall we begin?" Ma leans on her elbows and wraps her hands together. "So, I called for this family meeting because I have been informed about a certain lie that is going on in this family."


    Our heads jerk towards her.


    "A lie?" my father repeats with a frown.


    "Yes." Ma''s cold, dark eyes land on me, and a shudder runs down my spine. "Ruijun, I''ve been told your relationship with Jon is fake."


    Dread fills my heart. "Who told you that?"


    My mother raises her eyebrows. "I see you''re not denying it."


    "That can''t be true lah," Ba says. "They hang out all the time, Shelli."


    "They do, but only as friends, with no intention to ever marry. I''ve spoken to the Kweks, and they are confronting Jon about this now." Ma''s mouth twitches when she sees my surprise at that sentence.


    Shit. Even Jon is pulled into this disaster. I wonder what is happening on his end...


    "Is this true, Ruijun?" my father demands. When I don''t answer, he slams his fists on the table, making Ruimin jump in his seat. "Why would you do this? You know how many arrangements we''ve rejected because of your relationship with Jon? They are with big, big families leh! And you know how many business decisions I made that benefit Soon Kwek Foods? We thought you would marry into that family!"


    My jaw clenches. Of course, the first thing my parents'' minds go to is the situation I put our family''s company in. Not me, not Jon, not anyone actually involved. The company. Whatever dread or guilt I was feeling is immediately replaced by anger.


    "Don''t worry, Brandon. We still have time to renegotiate some of the arrangements," Ma says, the smugness in her tone makes me want to flip the table in front of me. "Thank god I managed to find out about this before it was too late."


    This seems to calm Ba down. He leans back on his chair and pinches his nose. "Seriously ah, teenagers nowadays ah, treat dating as a joke."


    "Indeed, they don''t have the same values anymore," Ma concurs, her accent jarring against my father''s voice. She peers at me with a arrogant, knowing look. "But Ruijun is sorry now and will listen to us from now on, right?"


    I manage to unlock my jaw for a reply. "Fuck no lah. Don''t you dare arrange anything for me."


    "Language, Ruijun," Ma says calmly.


    "We''re not going to arrange your marriage lah," Ba adds. "Just some meetings with the big families."


    As if that makes things better. "No. I''m not doing it," I insist.


    "Why?"


    "Just not lah!"


    Ba sighs. "Ruijun, this is for¡ª"


    "Why do you not want to go on dates?" Ma cuts my father off with a tiny smirk. "Is it because you''re a lesbian?"


    My heart stops beating. I swear the rest of the world turns silent as well.


    What?


    "What?" Ba repeats my thoughts but in a tone completely different from what was in my head.


    When my heart beats again, it pounds ten times faster, and ten times louder, than usual. The entire family is staring at me now¡ªthe cold, hard glares of my mother, the disapproving scowl of my father, and an expression of both shock and sympathy of my brother. My head is spinning, and I feel like throwing up, but I force myself to sit up straight and gulp.


    "Who the fuck told you that?" I spat, trying to stop my voice from shaking like my fists.


    "You don''t have to know." Ma''s fake accent is like nails on a chalkboard to me. "Just answer my question. Is it true?"


    I close my eyes as I try to calm myself down. There''s no point denying this. Whoever snitched on me told Ma everything. She knows too much, too fucking much. "So what if I am?"


    My father looks so horrified, you''d think I committed murder. Turning to Ma, he grumbles, "Wah, I knew we shouldn''t have sent her to a girl''s school lor."


    "We thought it was okay because it was only four years."


    "Yeah, but look at Ruijun now. Four years is long enough liao."


    Ma nods. "Apparently so. Should we withdraw Ruimin from Raffles, just to be safe?"


    Ruimin lets out a soft yelp. "N- No, please! I- I like it there!"


    "There are other good co-ed schools out there, Rui¡ª"


    "Don''t drag Ruimin into this lah!" I bellow. "It has nothing to do with Nanyang Girls'', okay? I''ve been gay since the day I came out of your fucking womb lah! And I figured it out before I even went to Nanyang Girls''. I just kept quiet about it ''cause I knew you two would react like this!"


    "Ruijun, language."


    "And I''m not fucking letting you arrange my life for stupid company politics or some stupid family relations or whatever stupid shit that is going on. Leave me the fuck alone lah!"


    "Ruijun, language," Ma repeats.


    "I don''t fucking care lah." I stand up so fast the chair topples behind me. "And I''m fucking leaving."


    With that, I grab my bags and march out of the room.


    "Where do you think you are going, young lady?" my mother demands.


    "Anywhere but here," I shout before storming out of the house.

 8.2

    The moment my feet leave my house, I whip out my phone and call Jon. It is an instinctual move, but I realize after a few rings that it''s a bad idea¡ªhe is most likely getting the same talking to from his parents.


    Before I get to drop the call, he picks up.


    "Hello?"


    I let out a breath of relief. "Jon, you okay? How is it going with¡ª"


    "Lobang ah?"


    "Lobang?" I frown. Jon is pretending to be talking to Logan; something must be up on his end as well.


    "Uh, sorry ah, Lobang, I don''t have time to study now lah," he continues hesitantly. "RJ? Uh, sorry, I... We broke up lah, and we... I''m not speaking to her right now..."


    I blink rapidly at my phone. What the hell? From the robotic tone of his voice, it sounds as though Jon''s parents are in the same room as him. Is he saying all this for his parents? If so, what happened on his end? Did he spill the beans?


    "Okay lah," I say with a sigh. "I won''t call you anymore, at least for now. Take care ah."


    "I''m- I''m sorry..." Jon mutters, regret filling his voice.


    I sigh again. "It''s okay lah, don''t worry about it. I''m sorry I couldn''t hold up the pact."


    Through the phone, I can hear Jon''s voice crack. "It''s not your fault lah."


    Raising my head, I look at the tall walls surrounding Jon''s house. It seems that I subconsciously walked to his place. Somewhere beyond the walls is his room, where he may be right now. A sour lump grows in my throat. We promised to be there for each other, we promised to be the fort against the intrusions of our parents. But it''s all crumbling down now. Somebody just had to fuck this all up and tell my mother.


    I try to think about who it could be, but I cannot think of anybody else who knows about my secret. Other than Chloe... But it couldn''t be her. I''m sure of it.


    I close my eyes and whisper, "I know, but I''m sorry anyway."


    Jon clears his throat. "Thanks. You''re a good friend, Lobang. I trust you. Really."


    Interesting, another clue. Jon trusts Logan, and I trust his judgment. Whoever leaked the information to my mother must not be him. It makes sense. Logan is as loyal as he is wild, and he has been friends with Jon for years. The two other girls in our friend group are more unpredictable¡ªHuimin''s parents manage the mall that Jon''s parents own, while Audrey gossips too much.


    "Okay, I''ll go find Logan," I say. "You think he has a place for me to crash by the way? I, uh, left home. Don''t feel like going back."


    "Oh." I can hear Jon''s weak attempt to mask his shock. "Y- Yeah, your- your basement is flooded? That''s too bad, I hope it gets fixed soon."


    Ah, Logan has a basement with an extra room. "Okay, I''ll head over there. Thanks, Jon. Take care."


    "Take care," Jon says softly.


    Hanging up, I slip my phone into a pocket and pull up my bag onto one shoulder. As long as Logan doesn''t scream his head off seeing me, I should be good.


    After a long wait for the bus and a longer bus ride later, I reach Logan''s house, which is all the way at the other end of the country. As I circle the house, I see an entrance to what seems to be a basement room near the back gate. I take out my phone.


    RJ: Eh, Lobang, come out


    RJ: I''m at the back of your house


    Once my message is sent, I am bombarded with a few all-caps, Logan-style exclamations. I ignore all his questions and repeat my order.


    RJ: Just come out lah, idiot


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    I get a few seconds of peace and quiet before I see the tall, burly boy running toward me. His flip-flops slam against the ground like thunderous claps, but his voice is even louder.


    "RJ!"


    He purses his lips when his eyes meet my crazed can-you-shut-the-fuck-up ones.


    "Sorry, sorry," he says as quietly as he can, which is just his normal voice. "What are you doing here?"


    "Let me in, Lobang. I ran away from home."


    "You what?" His voice rises again, but I increase the intensity of my glare to shut him up again. "Okay, okay, sorry, sorry. Come in, come in." He opens the gate and leads me through the door I was eyeing. "There''s a room in the basement where I keep a lot of my shit. No one checks there, ever, so you can hide there if you want."


    I raise my eyebrows. "What kind of shit?"


    He scratches his head. "You''ll see lah," he says with a nervous chuckle. "Don''t laugh ah."


    "I cannot promise that."


    The lights turn on as I enter, and a groan escapes my throat. Shelves line the walls, surrounding a lone bed in the middle of the room. They are all filled with rows and rows of manga. Not just any manga, but the very questionable, fanservice-heavy, toeing-the-line-to-hentai kind of manga.


    "What the fuck, Lobang," I blurt. "I don''t want to stay here."


    "You want to sleep with me in my room instead?"


    That offer is way worse. "Never mind. I''ll stay here."


    Logan laughs before jumping onto the bed. Without question, I drag him off the bed and onto the ground. "Eh, don''t dirty my bed."


    "It''s mine lor!" he whines, but he crosses his legs and settles on the tiled floor. As I drop down my bag and sit on the bed, he asks, "So what happened leh? Why you run away?"


    I shrug. "My parents are pissing me off lor."


    "But they are always pissing you off."


    "Even more this time lah."


    Logan lets out a small laugh before eyeing me. "Is it something to do with Jon ah? Audrey texted me say you two broke up for real this time leh. Is that true?" A concerned frown paints his face. "Are you guys okay? Are you okay?"


    Word sure travels fast. I lean against the headboard and sigh. "Okay lah. We were never together anyway."


    "What?"


    "We were faking it lah, idiot."


    Logan blinks. "What? Why?"


    "A lot of reasons." I glance at him. His face is contorted with a mix of expressions, but I notice a sliver of hope seeping into his eyes. Just in case his mind is going somewhere that will make me gag, I decide to quash it right away. "Oi, don''t look at me like that. I won''t like you back hor. I''m gay."


    "What?" Logan looks even more dumbfounded. "How can you be gay? You''re a girl."


    I roll my eyes. Leaning forward, I flick my fingers at his forehead. "I''m lesbian, Lobang. Les-bi-an."


    Realization dawns on Logan. "Oh, shit." More expressions flash across his face as his slow mind processes my words and recalls every interaction we ever had. "Oh, shit."


    "Yep." I slump back on the headboard. "And somebody fucking told my parents about it, so..." Thinking about that fuels me with rage yet again.


    Logan''s eyes widen. "Who?"


    "Dunno lah."


    He chews on his lip for a bit. "Your parents... didn''t take it well ah?"


    "Of course not lah!" I realize I have been snapping at Logan, so I soften my tone. "So yeah, I ran away. I don''t want to see my parents anymore. I just want to separate myself from them completely."


    Logan rests his head on his palms. His frown deepens as he stares at me. "So what are you gonna do now?"


    "I don''t know," I admit. "I probably need to find a way to earn some money..." I trail off, knowing I have to earn more money than needed to survive if I want to keep seeing Chloe in Tropic Falls. Way more. My hand flies to the bridge of my nose as I pinch at my growing headache.


    "Well, I mean, I can also start paying you back for all the stuff you bought for me," Logan says, scratching his head sheepishly.


    "No need lah, I''ll figure it out. I''m already working for Ms. Goh. Maybe I''ll find a few more tutoring jobs or something. There''s WiFi in this room, right?"


    "Yeah, but it''s very spotty for phones."


    I nod. "As long as it works for laptops."


    Logan slaps his legs before pushing himself up. "Okay lah, I need to go back to my game now. Take care ah, RJ. Let me know when you need to eat, and I''ll bring down some snacks or something. Oh, by the way, there are extra keys to the back gate on that shelf there. My parents sleep like logs so don''t worry about coming in and out at night."


    "Thanks, bro." I take my laptop from my bag, ready to try my luck at job hunting. Before Logan opens the door, I add, "Oh, right. I don''t know what''s happening on Jon''s side, but he''s not gonna talk to me for a while. You want to visit my place and find Ruimin?"


    "For what?"


    "Help me take some stuff from home lah. Grab some of my clothes and maybe a hairbrush or something." I see Logan groaning and add, "And also get the weed for this Saturday lah. You want it, right?"


    Logan gasps and almost drops to his knees. "Yes! Oh my god, RJ, you''re the best leh!" He grabs my shoulder and reaches for a hug, but I shove him away.


    "Go away lah, idiot."


    "Love you too." He flashes his signature grin at me. We flip each other off as he leaves.


    Having the whole room to myself now, I turn my attention to my laptop. A blank Google page stares back at me. I let out a frustrated sigh. How should I go about finding tutoring jobs? Or any kind of job? My first and only one was offered to me by Ms. Goh.


    Then, I notice the time on the screen and curse. I am supposed to be seeing Chloe right now, but Logan''s place is too far from Tropic Falls, so today will have to be a no-show.


    Once again, Chloe flashes across my mind just like in the shower a few hours ago. A strange feeling creeps into my heart. I wonder if she is doing okay. I wonder if she is upset that I''m not there.


    I wonder if she is missing me like how I''m missing her.

 9.1 | The Runaway

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 8, 2014, Saturday.


    RJ did not show up yesterday. She did not inform me or Clementine about the cancellation, so Clementine was annoyed the rest of the day. I was assigned a new customer last minute¡ªan army officer who invited a bunch of his army friends. They stank of nicotine and tried to touch my butt way too many times. The worst part of it all, Mango was smirking at me every time I saw her in the break room, basking in my agony.


    I hate to admit it, but I miss RJ. I miss her stupid Chemistry questions. I miss her gentle nudge of my elbow to jolt me back to focus, and her exasperated tap of her iPad, saying, "We just covered this in class today, Chloe." I really... wish she were here.


    I shake my head. No, I cannot be missing her like this. After all, I didn''t even want her to come here. It was a good thing that she did not show up yesterday. A very good thing. And she must not¡ªand should not¡ªcome back here again.


    "Oh, where''s your sugar mommy leh, Cherry?" Mango asks in her fake worried tone as I walk by her.


    My lips purse in frustration. Mango has been rude and snippy ever since RJ gave me a huge tip a few days ago, but the moment she found out that RJ did not show up for her reservation yesterday, she became unbearably smug. She and I both have a decent amount of other regulars, so I don''t know why she seems particularly upset about RJ.


    A part of me wishes RJ would return so I can wipe that smile off her face, but I know that is selfish of me.


    "Cherry!" Clementine pops into the break room, her grin wider than usual. "Your favorite regular is back!"


    And just as expected, Mango''s smile disappears. A mix of emotions floods through me: vindication and happiness, worry and dread about RJ''s situation, and then... a strange longing.


    I gulp down all my feelings and ask, "Oh, uh, which room is she in?"


    "Room six."


    "Not VIP?"


    "Nope, one of the regular rooms," Clementine confirms with a small shrug. "She didn''t want the VIP rooms for some reason."


    "Oh, okay." Not giving Mango the chance to say any snide remark about that, I quickly grab a karaoke menu and rush out of the break room. The regular rooms, unlike the VIP rooms, are functionally karaoke rooms, equipped for customers to sing, dance, and drink with their friends. I doubt that RJ is going to sing though.


    When I enter the room, I find RJ scrolling through the built-in television and looking through the available songs.


    "Oh, RJ, w- welcome back," I greet, trying my best not to sound too eager. "I didn''t know you like to sing sia."


    RJ snorts as she glances at me. "No lah, just choosing something to play in the background."


    She is wearing a loose flannel shirt tucked inside a pair of baggy pants held on with a belt. Despite swimming in her outfit, she still looks as gorgeous as ever. Her usual backpack is next to her.


    I place the menu on the table and sit beside her. "You didn''t show up yesterday leh. Did you party way too hard last night?" I say in a joking tone.


    RJ does not look at me. She pushes out a small smile, but the light does not go to her eyes. "I didn''t lah," she whispers. "I ran away from home last night."


    I blink. "What? Why leh? What happened?"


    She shrugs. We sit in silence as she scrolls through some songs. Finally, she chooses an old Jay Chou song before leaning back on the couch. The seats are not the cushy leather ones from the VIP rooms, and I can tell RJ isn''t exactly thrilled with the stiffness of the cheap couches. So I reach for a pillow and slide it under her back.


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    "Thanks," she mutters.


    "So... what happened leh?"


    There is a slight pause before RJ answers, "Someone snitched to my mother about my fake relationship with Jon."


    My hands fly to my mouth as I gasp. "What? That''s so... No..." I struggle for words, but I make sure to add, "RJ, I- I swear hor, it wasn''t me. I- I know I blabbed to Jon the other day, and I''m so sorry, but- but I would never..."


    "Chloe." RJ squeezes my arm. "I know lah. I know it''s not you."


    I nod, but I cannot shake the guilt. I wonder if this might be partly my fault, I wonder if what I did may have set off some kind of chain reaction. "Is it... Is it Jon?"


    "No." RJ''s answer is immediate. "Definitely not him. I trust him."


    I scan her warily. She is slumped back on the pillow, staring blankly in front of her as if her soul has left her body. This sight of her pierces my heart. I lower my head. "So... where are you living now?"


    "With Lobang lor. I mean, Logan. From our class." She tugs at her baggy shirt. "This ugly thing is his. I asked him to pick up some of my clothes, but the moron grabbed my giveaway pile that''s too small for me. So I raided his wardrobe instead lor."


    I look at her outfit again. I did notice that her shirt and pants are too large for her, but RJ is pulling them off like how she does for every single outfit she wears. Why is she living with Logan and wearing Logan''s clothes? Come to think of it, if RJ and Jon''s relationship is fake... and she seems to be very close to Logan... then...


    Gulping, I ask meekly, "Are- Are you and Logan... like, um...together?"


    RJ snorts. "Fuck no lah. He just has this extra basement room that I can crash in."


    "Oh..." I avert my head again, playing with the hem of my glittery dress. I do not know much about RJ, or the situation she is in, but running away from home does not sit right with me. It''s not right to leave your family like that. "Why... did you have to run away? Was your mother, like, super angry with you or something?"


    RJ rolls her eyes. "Maybe. I don''t know and don''t care lah. She''s a controlling bitch and she can go fuck herself lor. I ran away ''cause I''ve always wanted to."


    I flinch at the words. "Don''t say things like that about your mother lah."


    RJ looks as though she wants to argue with that, but she holds her tongue and shrugs. "If you ever meet her, you''ll understand lah. She''s terrible. Both my parents are terrible." Reaching her hand out, she lightly pinches my cheek. "Your parents must be angels lah, they raised someone like you."


    I feel my cheeks heat up. "It''s- It''s just my mother lah," I say in a soft voice, carefully avoiding the topic of my father. "But yeah, she is an angel. Took care of me and raised me all by herself. I love her a lot. She works too hard, though. I don''t get to see her much these days."


    "Like mother, like daughter. You work way too hard too."


    "She works more than me lor."


    "You''re not even supposed to be working. But okay lah, I''m on the same boat as you now. I also need to start working now. My parents cut off my credit card and everything." RJ gives me a wry smile. "Sorry hor, Chloe, I don''t think I can leave as much tip for you from now on."


    I cannot help but let out a small laugh. RJ just ran away from home and now has a slew of problems to face, and yet she still apologizes for not tipping me enough?


    "You idiot," I whisper. "You want something to drink? It''s on me."


    "No. Never pay anything for me, okay? You need it more." She opens her backpack and takes out her laptop. "If you want to help, help me find a job."


    "Oh, okay. What are you thinking of?"


    "I''m thinking teaching? Since I''m already doing a bit of that for Ms. Goh."


    "That''s good! You''re a very good teacher, and you can earn quite a bit of money if you tutor."


    "You think so? I tried searching last night, and I found this tutoring agency. But they take, like, fifty percent cut for the first month leh. Crazy sia."


    I look over at the site opened on RJ''s laptop and shake my head vigorously. "That agency? No, no, don''t go there! Not worth it at all. Here, let me show you this other place I found last time."


    Elbowing RJ away, I take over her laptop and begin typing.


    She looks over my shoulder and raises her eyebrows. "Wah, I should''ve come to you first. You know so much."


    I chuckle. "I mean, I spent the whole of last year finding jobs mah." Placing a hand on my hip, I pretend to be offended. "And just so you know ah, I found and tried all kinds of jobs. This... This one is by far the most well-paying one for me. So don''t judge me anymore, okay?"


    RJ''s brows furrow. "I know lah. I won''t anymore. I''m sorry."


    The words sound as though they were squeezed out of her, but it is still huge progress from her angry shaming a few days ago.


    "I still don''t like you working this job," RJ quickly adds, "so I''m still gonna keep coming here to... give you a break in your schedule. Just not the VIP rooms for now."


    "You crazy ah."


    "Of course lah. I have to be, or you''re gonna fail JC."


    I stick out my lips for a pout, but I find myself smiling instead. "Thank you," I say.


    A smile tugs on RJ''s lips as well, but she puts on her teacher persona. "While I apply for jobs, you go do your homework." She gestures her head towards the table. "Come lah. Time to study."

 9.2

    Feb 14, 2014, Friday.


    Despite having no money from her parents, RJ still visits me in Tropic Falls almost every day. On top of her regular school work and her tennis club responsibilities, she now has multiple new jobs to juggle, but she still makes sure to save enough money to book at least a session with me in the karaoke rooms.


    A smile slowly creeps up my face as my eyes drift over to her. RJ sits at the front of the class with her usual clique of friends, as focused as ever. Like in every class, she is one of the few students the teacher relies on for responding in class, and this Physics class is no different. Occasionally, Jon leans over to ask her a question, and she whispers an answer into his ear. They exchange a glance¡ªa glance that used to jab my heart¡ªbefore turning back to the board.


    Ever since RJ told me that her relationship with Jon is more sibling-like, I''ve tried to pick out and understand the signs. The two of them are clearly close, but I think I can see that the bond they have is not romantic. The way RJ looks at Jon is similar to the way Emma and Adrian look at each other¡ªand is very different from the way she looks at me.


    My cheeks warm as I think about that. I think about RJ''s amused glint whenever I whine, and her slight downward glance whenever I lean too close. I think about her warm hands¡ªthey are always so warm, no matter how cold the air conditioning gets¡ªand how they brush against mine as RJ looks over my answers. I think about her infinite patience as she explains the difference between speed and acceleration to me.


    I used to think her eyes were fierce and intense, but now, I can''t think of a gentler, kinder pair of eyes in the world, aside from my mother''s.


    "Chloe? Hello, Earth to Chloe."


    Emma''s voice jolts me back from my daydream. I suppress a groan as I look around the classroom. The Physics teacher is nowhere to be seen. Great, Physics class is over and I did not even hear a single word.


    "Sorry ah, Emma..." I steal another glance at RJ at the front of the class as we wait for the Econ teacher to arrive. I can already imagine her disapproving sigh later when we attempt our homework...


    Emma also turns to look in her direction. "Eeyer," she teases, "stop staring at Jon and pay attention in class lah."


    "I''m not looking at Jon lah." I roll my eyes before slumping on my desk. "Argh, I''m so tired."


    "Same." She leans back and lets out a dramatic sigh. "And you know what day today is? Valentine''s day leh. And I don''t even have a date."


    "You do!" Adrian chimes in from beside her. "We''re going out later, right?"


    "Aiya, we''re only studying."


    "It can still count as a study date."


    "It''s Valentine''s day, Adrian. What nerd goes on a study date on Valentine''s day sia?"


    "Uh, you?"


    And with that, the two of them delve into their regular bickering. They really do sound like siblings.


    I sneak a peek over at RJ again. She is stretching her arms and chatting with Jon. I can see exhaustion painted all over her face, and guilt gnaws at me. RJ has been such a godsend to me, but I have been nothing but a burden¡ªeating up her time, energy, and money.


    Then, an idea occurs to me. Of these three things, I can save RJ''s money by getting her to study with me outside the bar instead. Maybe at a cafe, where I can treat her to a drink to show my appreciation.


    But do I even have time for a separate study session? Adrian and Emma have always wanted me to join them in theirs, and I never have the time. Although, I could take a day off...


    I tap my fingers on my desk. I don''t like to take days off, but if I could kill two birds with one stone¡ªhang out with my friends and get RJ to save some money¡ªa day off would be worth it.


    And I do want to introduce RJ to my best friends. After all, we have been hanging out for a while now, and something in me really wants to let her into more parts of my life.


    "Do you two want to study with me tomorrow?" I ask my two frriends.


    Adrian and Emma fall silent. Emma''s hand that was about to smack Adrian in the head drops down like her jaw.


    Sensing their confusion, I quickly add, "I- I mean, I think I should take half a day off sometimes mah... It''s, uh, good for me, you- you know?"


    Emma''s smile returns as she chirps, "Oh my god, yes! Finally! Let''s do it! Adrian, you better join us ah."


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    "Of course I will lah, Chloe is a much better study buddy."


    That prompts Emma to finally land a hit on him. Their catfight ends when Mr. Lim enters the classroom for our Econ class.


    I turn my head back towards RJ. She is taking out her Econ notebook and clicking her pen to get ready. Taking out my phone, I send a quick text to her under the table. Her head bops downwards, and my phone vibrates.


    RJ: Ok


    I stifle the growing smile on my face, but my heart flutters against my chest.


    RJ is coming to our study session tomorrow.


    ---


    Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.


    "Chloe! Over here!"


    I spot Emma''s enthusiastic wave at the far end of the cafe. We are out of school, so she has her hair down. It curls as it lands on her cream cardigan. Adrian is next to her, wearing suspenders over his shirt. Paired with his round glasses and carefully gelled hair, his fashion sense makes him look like the hipster that he is. On the table, their coffee sits on top of a pile of notes and practice questions, and my two friends look eager to dive into them.


    "Hey!" Rushing over, I drop my bag down on the seat. "Sorry for being a bit late ah."


    "Where''s your friend you''re bringing?" Emma asks.


    "Oh, uh..." I scratch my hair, recalling the text messages RJ sent me. "She says she''ll be like ten minutes late..."


    "You''re already ten minutes late though," Adrian says before taking a sip of his coffee.


    "Yeah... You''re right, so she should be here... Oh, there she is! RJ! Here!"


    Emma''s jaw drops to the ground while Adrian spits coffee onto his notes.


    "Wait, RJ?" Adrian whispers. His carefully written notes are now splattered with coffee, but he does not seem to care. "The friend you invited is RJ?"


    Emma is still staring at RJ, mouth agape and unmoving, even as she saunters over to our table.


    "Hey," RJ greets with a small wave of her hands.


    She is wearing an army green parka that looks like it could be Logan''s. Underneath the loose jacket, her white blouse is so sheer that her black bra can be seen through it. She flicks her light brown hair as she settles on the seat next to me. Her hair has grown to the same length as Emma''s, but she still never ties her hair up in school, and no teacher ever tells her to.


    "H- Hey..." Adrian manages to say.


    Emma is still shellshocked and frozen.


    I realize that I am staring too, so I quickly add, "T- Thanks for coming, RJ."


    "No problem." She glances at the cup of coffee that Adrian is holding and turns to me. "Want anything to drink?"


    "Oh no, it''s okay¡ª"


    "Latte?"


    "No, I''m¡ª"


    "Latte it is. Wait here," RJ says before leaving the table.


    No, no, I invited her here so I can treat her to something for once! "RJ, wait¡ª"


    I want to chase after RJ, but Emma and Adrian explode across from me.


    "RJ?" Emma exclaims. "Chloe! Explain! Why is she here? How is she here?"


    "Are we even rich enough to be in Her Majesty''s presence?" Adrian asks. I have never seen him with this much expression on his face before.


    I cannot help but chuckle at their reactions. "You guys are so weird leh. She''s just our classmate what."


    "But she''s RJ!" Emma emphasizes. "Shin Ruijun leh!"


    "Shh! Tone it down!" I whisper, casting a nervous peek in RJ''s direction. Thankfully, she does not seem to notice our exclamations.


    Emma covers her mouth, but her eyes are still screaming.


    "I have never once considered her or any of her clique as ''just our classmate''," Adrian adds while doing air quotes with his fingers. "They are, like, in another league lor, in another fantasy world."


    I laugh again. "She''s just another student lah."


    Even though that''s what I say, I understand why they feel this way. After all, the first time I saw RJ in the bar, I probably had the same reaction. Maybe that''s why she was able to recognize me back then...


    Before any of my friends can hyperventilate to their deaths, RJ comes back to the table with two cups of coffee and a full plate of cakes and pastries.


    "Latte for you." She places a cup in front of me. "Snacks for all of us." She places the plate of food in the middle of the table.


    Emma and Adrian''s expressions change from starstruck to gluttonous.


    "Oh my god, thank you!" Adrian digs into the cake immediately, while Emma reaches for the fruit tart.


    Guilt pierces me. RJ is already scrambling for money just for herself, but neither Emma nor Adrian knows that. Plus, this study session was meant for me to treat her back.


    "How much is it?" I ask.


    "Don''t worry about it lah."


    I pout. "RJ."


    RJ raises her eyebrows and copies my tone. "Chloe."


    "I''m supposed to treat you today."


    "No, you''re not." RJ gives me a small smirk as she takes out her folder of notes. "So, what are you guys studying?"


    "Physics! Please!" Emma begs. "Oh my god, after last week, I have so many questions."


    "What kind of questions?"


    "I don''t understand Work lah! Like, when is it negative, when is it positive, I always get it wrong sia!"


    "It depends on the direction of the Work with respect to the displacement of the object." RJ sits up, her teacher mode turning on. "You have a specific example you want me to explain?"


    A soft squeal escapes Emma''s throat. Her eyes catch mine, and it seems to scream, "Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing her along!" Even Adrian looks thankful as he listens to RJ''s explanation attentively.


    I smile at the scene before me. All these times, RJ has only been a part of my life that is secret, a part of my life that I hide away from the rest of my friends and family. It feels nice¡ªand almost surreal¡ªto finally have her hang out with Emma and Adrian. And it is also strangely captivating to watch RJ in her teacher mode from the side, so patient, so eloquent, so gentle. My heart tingles, as soft pulses of warmth flow across my entire body.


    The study session is as enjoyable as it is productive, and I find myself catching RJ''s eyes and exchanging a smile every so often. It is late afternoon when RJ''s phone vibrates. Checking the message, she frowns.


    "Ah, sorry guys, I gotta go for now," she mumbles as she slips her phone into her pocket


    "Aw, why?" Emma pouts. A few hours have passed and this girl is already attached to RJ.


    "Sorry ah. See you guys next week." RJ gives Emma and Adrian a small smile, but the look she gives me is more pointed. "Thanks for inviting me, Chloe. See you."


    See you later at Tropics, is the full unspoken sentence lingering in the air. I feel a blush creep up my face. I do want to see her again later, but this study session was supposed to prevent her from spending more money on me. Looks like I failed terribly on that front.


    As RJ marches out of the cafe and my friends stare curiously at me, I bury my head back into my notes.


    "Okay lah, let''s- let''s try to finish this problem set before I need to leave for work."

 10 | The Traitor

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.


    Working while being a full-time student is tiring as fuck. How the hell did Chloe even survive all these months? But the more I think about it, the more I want to work. If Chloe has to keep doing this, I have to as well.


    I rub my eyes as I make my way to the agreed rendezvous with Jon. Ever since I left home, I have not spoken to nor hung out with him outside of school, which is weird for us. So when he sends me a message asking to meet, I agree to it immediately, despite needing to leave Chloe and her friends.


    Chloe. My heart flutters in my chest.


    I have only ever seen her in either the school uniform or her skimpy server outfit, but she was especially cute in her regular clothes and no makeup face. She didn''t need to constantly pull down her dress as it rode up her legs, or pull up her top to cover her cleavage. Her movements are freer, her expressions more relaxed, and her smile is wider and, somehow, a lot sweeter.


    A small smile tugs at my lips, just in time for Jon to catch sight of me and call me over.


    "Hey," I say as I jog over. The sun is almost setting, and the pavilion Jon is at is secluded. "How''s it going? How''s your parents and everything?"


    Jon waves at me, but he raises his eyebrows and addresses a topic he seems to find more important. "Why are you smiling like that sia?"


    "Like what? Why, I cannot be happy meeting you ah?"


    This time, it is Jon''s turn to smile. "Haven''t seen lovesick RJ in a while leh. Who''s the lucky girl?"


    I roll my eyes. "Shut up lah." Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I lean against the pillar next to him. "Were your parents super angry, by the way?"


    "A little bit." Jon sighs. "They apparently made a bunch of business decisions thinking our companies would merge one day. Stupid lah."


    "Oh, my parents did the same thing too." I tilt my head and give him a small smirk. "I guess we''re way too compatible lah. They all fell for it so hard."


    He snorts. "I wish. Anyway, I was grounded for a week lor. But that''s over now, so we can hang out again if you want."


    "One week only? They''re not angry anymore?"


    "Yeah, I mean, I promised not to lie to them anymore lor and also to not get into any more relationships until after A levels. And I guess that is enough to satisfy them."


    "Wow." I cannot help but let out a dry laugh. "That''s so reasonable lor."


    Jon glances at me. "I''m guessing your parents were a lot more unreasonable?"


    "Of course lah. You know them."


    "Yeah." He lowers his gaze. "I''m sorry, RJ. So you''re staying over with Logan now?"


    "Yep. In his stupid ass anime room."


    Jon tries to hide his laughter as a cough but fails. "Oh my god, yeah, his manga collection is crazy. But it''s good lah, you''re gonna be so safe. No one in his family even wants to go near that room."


    "Can''t blame them."


    We spend a few moments laughing at Logan''s ridiculousness before Jon regards me with a worried look.


    "Other than that, how are you surviving?" he asks, stuffing his hands into his pockets.


    I force a smile, but I know my expression must have fallen. "Okay lor. My parents cut my credit cards and bank accounts, so now I''m taking up some more teaching jobs to earn money. Tutoring, writing essays for other people, things like that lor. It''s tiring as fuck lah."


    I can go on with my rant forever, but I choose to stop. Jon''s brows are already knotted together, and I don''t want him to get too stressed out over my situation.


    "That sucks," he says. "Hey, if it''s too much, you know you can always come to me for help, right?"


    "Nah, don''t worry about me lah. I got it settled," I dismiss. Jon''s parents are nicer than mine, but I still don''t want him to get into further trouble. "But anyway, what is it that you want to talk about ah?"


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    Jon''s face contorts, as though he just swallowed a lemon. "Oh, well, uh..." He shifts the weight on his feet. "So like, about how our parents found out about us..."


    My back straightens. "You found out who the fucking snitch is? Who?"


    Jon lifts his hands up. "It''s partly my fault, so please, please, don''t be too mad at her hor, RJ..."


    "What? What do you mean?" From the corner of my eye, I catch a figure approaching the pavilion from behind the pillar. My frown deepens. "Huimin? What are you doing here?"


    The black-haired girl steps forward tentatively. Jon inches near her, his hands still in the air, as though he was prepared to separate the two of us. My eyebrows twitch and dread knots in my gut. Do we need to be separated?


    "RJ, I''m- I''m sorry..." Huimin pulls at the hem of her shirt. Her eyes are swollen and teary. "It was me... I- I was the one who told your mother... a- about... everything..."


    My mind turns blank with rage.


    "What?" I bellow, my withering glare darting between my two nervous friends. "Why the fuck did you do that? And everything? How do you even know? How does she even know, Jon?"


    But the more I stare at them, the more I understand. The way they are glancing at one another, the way their faces grimace in shame, the way they slowly gravitate towards each other...


    "What the fuck, Jon, do you like her?"


    "Uh, well..." Jon mumbles as he stares at the ground. "Sorry lah, RJ, I was trying to convince Huimin that you weren''t a threat, and I thought I could trust..."


    He trails off at that last word and I groan out loud. I should have known. I really should have. Jon is a good and trustworthy person in general, but he is especially weak when it comes to girls, particularly girls he likes. Or worse, girls who like him and swoon over him. The fiasco with his ex proved that.


    Turning to Huimin instead, I snap, "And why the fuck did you tell my mother?"


    The tears welling up in Huimin''s eyes stream down her face at my outburst. "I''m sorry... I''m so sorry, RJ... It''s just... we hooked up at the New Year party and he- he wanted to keep seeing me afterwards, even though he was in a relationship with you, and I just... I like him a lot, but I couldn''t do it lah. I don''t want to be the side chick sia! And so, when he finally told me the truth, I... I was so angry lah. I didn''t like that I had to sneak around with him, while everyone thinks he''s dating you, and he keeps refusing to break up with you and date me properly..." She buries her head into her hands. "I don''t know what I was thinking, I- I thought... I thought I could force him to finally break it off with you by doing this..."


    "So you go to my mother?" I squeeze my eyes shut as I try to calm myself. "You fucking hear me complain about her all the time!"


    "I thought you were exaggerating about your parents this whole time mah!" Huimin exclaims, but her voice is muffled by her cries. "I didn''t think... I never thought it would turn out like this... I didn''t mean for it to be like this..."


    My eyes open back up to see Jon placing his hand on Huimin''s shoulders awkwardly. I want to explode. I want to scream at Huimin for stupidly falling in love, I want to scream at Jon for trusting an outsider too much, I want to blame them for allowing this to happen and ruining everything Jon and I planned, but I can''t.


    Because I''m making the same mistakes with Chloe.


    "Thank you ah, Huimin, thank you so much," I snap. "You wanted to be Jon''s girlfriend, but now you made it so Jon is not allowed to be with anybody. You happy now?"


    Huimin breaks down even more as she splutters out more apologies. Jon pulls her closer, his expression filled with shame and regret.


    "Don''t rage leh, RJ," he says quietly. "She won''t do it again lah..."


    I shift my glare towards him. "So what if she won''t do it again? The damage is fucking done!"


    Jon flinches. "I''m sorry, RJ."


    "Yeah I know you''re fucking sorry, but what the fuck do you expect me to do now? Like, fuck, the two of you just screwed everything up!" I yell, throwing my hands up in frustration. "Huimin, I trusted you as a friend! And Jon, you fucking lectured me about covering up my tracks better, and then you go and tell Huimin about our secret? I thought I could at least depend on you!"


    "You still can," he insists.


    "Oh yeah? How? I ran away from home because of this leh! You got away with just a slap on the hand! I was forced to come out to my traditional-ass parents leh! I can''t even pretend anymore! And do you think you''re the only person with someone that you want to be with? Me too, fuck! But now there''s a chance my mother might even find out about her, with all you fucking snitches in my life lah! God knows what that woman will do if she ever finds out about her!"


    Sympathy flashes across Jon''s eyes, and it enrages me more.


    "RJ, I''m so, so sorry," he says frantically. "I swear, I''ll help you in any way I can, okay? We both will. All of us will."


    But I am no longer listening. My heart is beating against my eardrums, and all I hear is anger. Bitter anger. I don''t know if I can trust them anymore. I don''t know if I can trust anyone anymore.


    "Just stay the fuck out of my life, okay? Good luck with your... relationship or whatever it is you two are doing lah," I spit, before spinning on my heel and storming back to the bus stop.


    Stupid Jon and his stupid easily won-over ass. And Huimin''s betrayal stabs me in the heart as well. I thought I knew her, but I guess I was wrong.


    My phone buzzes. It''s Chloe. Just seeing her name calms me down a notch.


    Chloe: Ahhh RJ why did you leave so soon?


    Chloe: Hehe right after you left, we got stumped by a physics paper sia


    Chloe: Emma and Adrian still arguing over the answer xD


    I feel a smile creep back up my face. Her messages are enough to dissipate all the anger inside me.


    RJ: I''m coming over to Tropics now


    RJ: I''ll teach you


    Chloe: You sure? It''s so late


    RJ: Ofc


    RJ: See you there


    Chloe: Okayyy


    Chloe: I''m also heading over there now tooooo


    Chloe: See you!! :)))))


    I slip the phone into my pocket and make my way back to Chloe.

 11 | The Attack

    Warning: mild sexual assault scene


    ---


    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.


    I hum a soft tune as I make my way towards Tropic Falls. Not too long after RJ left our study session, I had to leave to prepare for my night shift as well. Emma and Adrian were still working hard at the problem sets, occasionally breaking into small fights and shoving each other in the face.


    Thinking about RJ makes my heart flutter in my chest.


    My friends were so surprised by how helpful and friendly RJ was, and I get that. RJ has always seemed so cold, aloof, and... intimidating. But as I got to know her, I discovered this kind and gentle girl who just wants to help me understand chemical equations. She''s the same indomitable RJ with the fierce attitude, but it''s not so scary anymore.


    A smile tugs at my lips as I push open the backdoor to Tropic Falls¡ªand then it leaves.


    There is a man in the employee-only section, along the corridor that leads to the changing room. A customer.


    I freeze for a moment before I clear my throat. "Um, ex- excuse me? You''re not supposed to be here. This area is employee only."


    How did he even get in here in the first place? Why did nobody stop him on his way here? Maybe everyone''s too busy on a Saturday afternoon.


    His face lights up when he sees me.


    "Cherry?" He stumbles towards me. His face is flushed and the top buttons of his shirt are undone. "Oh my god, Cherry! Haven''t seen you in a while leh!"


    Oh, he is one of my regulars, Mr. Chan. I am about to greet him back, but I quickly realize that I am not wearing my mask. Wait, how does he know I''m Cherry, then?


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    "S- Sorry ah, Mister, y- you got the wrong person lah. But you really shouldn''t be here." Stammering, I push him away as he approaches me, but he grabs my arms instead.


    "No, no, Cherry, it''s okay! Amanda let me in here one," he drawls. "Oh my god, I''m so glad I got to see your full face sia, Cherry. You''re so chio leh!"


    What? How is he so sure I''m Cherry? And Amanda? If I recall, that is Mango''s real name. Why does he know her real name? And why did she let him in? That is against the rules. Dread fills me as I pull my hands away from Mr. Chan.


    "Sorry, but whoever let you in shouldn''t have done so," I say adamantly. "Please, Mr. Chan, let me- let me escort you out of here, okay?"


    The man is relentless, however¡ªhe grabs my hands again and pushes me to the wall. "Cherry! Come on lah! Don''t be such a killjoy. This place is so nice and quiet, even nicer than the VIP rooms leh."


    "Ow!" I cry as he twists my arms. I want to cry out, but my voice falters when I feel a hand slide under my shirt.


    No, no, no!


    A whimper escapes my throat, but I summon all my remaining energy to shove Mr. Chan away.


    "Please, Mr. Chan, stop," I wheeze.


    My heart hammers in my chest, drowning out all other sounds around me, but Mr. Chan''s voice still resounds in my ears. "I miss you, Cherry, where have you been? I heard you have been booked by another customer a lot. I keep wanting to book you, but you''re too popular sia!" His alcoholic breath chokes me.


    With another push, I yank myself free from Mr. Chan and scurry over to the changing room. Someone must be there. Someone is always there.


    And sure enough, Mango is inside.


    "Oh, Mango!" I cry in relief. "Thank god!"


    She fits on her yellow mask as she turns towards me. The upper part of her face is veiled, but I can still see the frown on her eyebrows, and the scorn in her eyes.


    "Oi, I''m changing here lah," she snaps. "Don''t just barge in like that lah!"


    "S- Sorry, M- Mango, but Mr. Chan is outside..."


    "So?" She walks next to me, purposefully slamming her shoulder against mine. "He''s your regular, not mine."


    I stare at her in disbelief. "What?"


    "Use your slut move and get him to give you a big tip lor," she scoffs. Opening the door, she reveals a grinning Mr. Chan waiting outside. Her voice switches to a high-pitched hum. "All yours, Mr. Chan."


    The man''s eyes never leave me as he steps into the room. Mango side steps to let him pass, and then, without even a glance at me, she leaves. And the door shuts.


    No, no, no...


    My legs wobble. Why did I come to the changing room? I should have run outside, to the bar, to a more public area, to Clementine. I should have kicked, and screamed, and yelled, while I was out there.


    But now, I''m trapped.

 12 | The Savior

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.


    The bus ride to Tropic Falls feels much longer than usual. Jon is bombarding me with apology messages, so I turn my phone off and resort to staring out the window for the whole trip.


    The bar is busy, but it is still comparatively quiet for a Saturday afternoon. Clementine is drinking a glass of wine at her usual spot, the red liquid contrasting sharply with her blue hair. She raises her glass at me when she spots me.


    "Oh, RJ! Welcome back," she says in her usual American accent. "How have you been?"


    "Okay lah. Surviving. You?"


    Clementine chuckles. "Are you here to see Cherry today? She''s not in yet."


    I frown. Chloe texted me a while back that she was heading out. "She should be."


    "Oh?" The bar owner tilts her head and gives me a knowing smile. "Well, then she might be in the changing room getting ready."


    My eyes flick over to the dimly-lit corridor marked with a giant ''Employees Only'' sign.


    "And I take it you want to book a room with her today?" Clementine continues, taking out her tablet. "VIP or regular?"


    I hesitate for a while as I fiddle with my oversized jacket. My eyes are still glued to the secretive hallway. "Can I do the regular KTV room? For... an hour?"


    "Sure thing."


    Clementine''s long nails click on her tablet screen as she prepares my reservation. I suppress a small sigh as I hand over the last bit of cash in my wallet for this. There goes the money for my dinner today. I really need to work harder to find more tutoring jobs.


    As I stow my wallet in my pocket, I hear the faintest scream. I perk as my attention focuses back on the ''Employees Only'' section.


    "What was that?" I demand.


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    "Hm?" Clementine frowns. Her focus is on her tablet, and the scream was short and faint. "What was what?"


    "Someone screamed." I point frantically towards the dark hallway. "From in there!"


    It is quiet now, but the sound still lingers in my ears. There is something about the high-pitched scream¡ªan uncanny familiarity to it¡ªthat is sending a shiver down my spine.


    "Is there trouble?" Clementine''s brows furrow as well. "Hold on, let me get a bouncer right now."


    With that, she walks away.


    Panic rises in me. There is a scream, and Clementine is just going to slowly walk somewhere to find someone to help? What if something is happening right now? What if something is happening... to Chloe?


    Chloe.


    I ignore the ''Employees Only'' sign and bolt into the corridor. I hear Clementine yelling at me to stop but at this point, all I''m hearing in my mind is that scream¡ªChloe''s scream¡ªintensified a million times and echoing over and over again.


    I push past a bargirl wearing a yellow mask and barge straight into a room labeled ''changing room''.


    Chloe is inside, but there is a man holding her. He is pushing her against the dressing table, and his hands are under her shirt. It is the same checkered button-up shirt she wore to the study session, but now, half of the buttons have popped off.


    "What the fuck are you doing?" I bellow.


    My mind is spinning, and it swirls even more when I see Chloe''s shorts on the floor. And then it goes blank when I see her face¡ªher swollen, crying face.


    I dash forward and yank the man by his collar. He''s bigger and taller than me, but my rage gives me more than enough strength to swing him to the wall opposite Chloe, and then swing my fist at his face.


    "I''ll fucking kill you!"


    My first punch is a critical hit; the man''s nose starts to bleed as he rolls his head around. Images of him on top of Chloe flash across my mind again, and I throw a few more punches. And a few more. And another. And another¡ª


    Despite the growing pain in my hand, I don''t stop¡ªI don''t want to stop¡ªuntil a strong pair of hands grabs me and pulls me back. I don''t know who it is, but I don''t care. I struggle against their hold as I bark, "Let me go! I''m gonna fucking kill this guy!"


    "RJ, stop!"


    Chloe''s voice snaps me from my blind rage.


    I stop rampaging and blink.


    As the world calms down around me, I begin to realize just how blurry my vision is. Wait, are these tears?


    Wiping them away, the room comes back to focus. What used to be an empty room is now filled with bouncers and other employees. The pulverized man is being dragged out of the room, with Clementine giving orders outside.


    Slowly, I turn my head. Chloe is standing next to me, a large jacket enveloping her body. Her hands are trembling as they tug on the jacket, as though it is protecting her from the cold, harsh world.


    "RJ..." she calls in between her sobs. With her hunched body inside the large jacket, she looks extra small... extra weak.


    All the strength in my body vanishes. A soft cry escapes my throat. "Chloe."


    She pounces on me and weeps into my chest. Her every sob stabs me in my heart. I wrap my throbbing hands around her and pull her close.


    "I''m sorry, Chloe," I whisper. "I''m sorry I didn''t get here sooner."


    She continues crying, and I let her body melt into mine.

 13.1 | Coming Out

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 15, 2014, Saturday.


    We are silent the entire trip back home.


    My hands tremble as I tug the jacket wrapped around my body. A bouncer gave it to me after the incident, and I find it comforting to curl under it. Wherever that was exposed, whatever was touched, is now hidden from the world.


    RJ sits close to me, my backpack on her lap and a protective arm draped across my shoulders. The usual intensity in her eyes is multiplied tenfold, keeping every other passenger on the train a good distance from us. When we reach the train station near my house, her guiding hand on my shoulder remains even as we trudge home, not a single word uttered between us.


    It is still early in the evening, so my mother is not home yet. As I step into the living room, I glance at RJ.


    "Thanks for bringing me home," I mutter, breaking the silence. "You- You don''t have to come in lah."


    She enters the flat anyway. Taking off her shoes, she winces in pain, and that is when I notice her injuries.


    "Your hand!" I gasp. Hurrying to the cabinet, I pull out a first aid kit. "Why didn''t you tell me sia? Come, sit down and let me wrap it up for you."


    "Don''t worry about it lah."


    I rush back to her side and pull her to the couch. Her knuckles are bloody and skinned, and the gory sight stabs me in the chest.


    "What do you mean don''t worry?" I protest with a soft whimper. "Look at this lah... You shouldn''t be endangering yourself just to..." I trail off, knowing that I am the reason RJ is hurt right now.


    "This is nothing lah." RJ''s scowl deepens as she adds with a growl, "Nothing compared to what that guy did to you."


    My stomach churns. I avoid her furious gaze and focus on dabbing her injury with an alcohol wipe.


    "Thank you... for saving me," I whisper.


    Her hand clenches up in mine. A vein pops up on her wrist, and I am afraid that she will reopen her injury.


    "How did that bastard even get in there anyway?" she growls.


    "Mang¡ª" I notice the growing glare in RJ''s eyes and stop myself from saying the name. "A- A colleague let him in..."


    "Who?" RJ demands.


    "Not telling you lah. Later you end up beating up more people."


    "Tell me. I want to beat up more people. Whoever that fucker is, I want to permanently ruin his fucking face."


    "RJ," I chide exasperatedly.


    RJ looks away from me. Her jaw clenches and I can see the jut in her chin. She has always been fierce, but I have never seen her this furious. She looks like she is about to take someone''s life.


    I sigh. "Clementine will handle it one lah. She- She told me she will question everyone and then decide on a punishment. And she''s also giving me the day off today and tomorrow as compensation."


    "That''s not good enough."


    I let out yet another sigh. I don''t think there is any way to calm RJ down, so I drop the conversation and focus on wrapping up her hand with bandages.


    "Done." Pushing myself up from the couch, I put the first aid kit back. "Have you eaten dinner yet? Want anything to eat or drink?"


    There is a slight pause before RJ says, "No need lah."


    I find that hard to believe, so I trot over to the kitchen to grab a large bag of milk bread and two cups of tropical punch juice. When I return, RJ''s expression is still hardened with anger, and she averts her head as I approach.


    "I already said no need," she mutters.


    "You have to eat something lah." Setting the cups on the table, I push the milk bread towards her, but she pushes it back.


    "I don''t want to eat this."


    "What do you want to eat then?"


    RJ does not respond, so I push the loaf towards her again. "Just eat this for now lah. I''ll cook something else later."


    Once again, she tosses the bag back to me. "I''ll buy something for myself later. Keep this for yourself."


    I cannot help but chuckle. "Are you trying to help me save money or something? It''s just bread, RJ. I''m poor but not that poor. Eat it lah."


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    "I''m not letting you spend a single cent on me until you''re done with your stupid job."


    "RJ, you ran away from home. You''re broke now too."


    "At least I''m not fucking working at a shady ass bar full of perverts."


    I flinch, both at her statement and her tone. My voice begins to shake. "Why are you like this? You said you wouldn''t judge me anymore."


    Guilt flashes across RJ''s face. "I''m not judging you. I just hate that you''re working there."


    "That''s literally judging me," I snap. The plastic around the milk bread is now taut with tension as my fists tighten around it. "I want to work at Tropic Falls, okay?"


    "Why? A man almost raped you there, Chloe."


    "That doesn''t happen normally."


    "I don''t even like what happens normally lah!"


    "What do you even think happens normally? I just serve drinks, RJ."


    "They touch you."


    "Over my clothes!"


    "And why do you think that''s okay?"


    "Why are you all up in my business?"


    RJ grits her teeth as she glares at me. "Can you just stop being so money-face and quit this stupid fucking job?"


    "I''m not money-face!" I yell as tears sting my eyes. "I told you already, I need the money! You grew up rich so you don''t know what it''s like, okay? In fact, you''re homeless right now because you chose to be lor! I didn''t choose for my mother to be sick!"


    Silence falls between us. Even as tears blur my vision, I can see the regret rising on RJ''s face. I blink my tears away and turn away from her. I hate that I still have to argue with RJ about this. I thought she understood my situation. I thought she understood me.


    When RJ speaks, her voice is a strained whisper. "I''m sorry, Chloe."


    I am still facing away from her, but I feel her soft thumb wiping the tears away from my cheeks.


    "I''m really sorry," she continues. "I was just... I don''t know lah, I shouldn''t have said all that. I''m sorry. I promise I won''t judge you anymore, okay? I''m sorry."


    We sit in silence for a long time. Finally, RJ grabs the packet from my hands and opens it. She tears a few pieces of milk bread and feeds them to me before she places a cup of juice in my hands.


    "Drink up," she orders softly.


    I take a few gulps and then glance at her. She gives me a wry, apologetic smile as she takes a few sips of her own as well. A mix of emotions swirls inside me. I''m upset about RJ screaming and cursing at me, but I understand how she feels. I don''t even like what I do for my job. I''ve been pushing away my discomfort and only focusing on the salary, the tips, and how it can help me achieve my goals as fast as possible.


    And after today, I''m starting to really not like this job...


    After a long moment, RJ asks, "Do you really not do anything more than... serve drinks?"


    Dread knots inside me and I shift in my seat. There are some things I may do for more money, but she doesn''t need to know that. Especially when I don''t want her to explode again. "Not- Not much lah," I lie, "not anything for you to worry about, really."


    Her scowl returns. "What about kissing? Do you kiss people for money?"


    Oh god, I swear this girl can read my mind. This is not good. "W- What kind of question is that sia?" I say, trying to hide my panic with a laugh. "I, um... Well, I don''t have to kiss my customers for them to become my regulars, you know? I''ve been told that I have a very happy and contagious smile, and that''s why they like me and choose me as their¡ª"


    "Yes, I know you''re fucking stunning lah, but don''t dodge my question," RJ cuts me off. The poor cup in her hand may break soon. "Do you kiss any of those fuckers at Tropics?"


    "W- What kind of kiss do you mean? There''s like so many kinds of kisses you can give people, you know? Like a peck on the cheek, or a peck on the forehead, or¡ª"


    RJ''s injured hand flies to my chin and tilts my head up. And then she plants her lips on mine.


    The world freezes around me.


    My eyes widen before I let them flutter close. RJ''s hand remains on my chin as her tongue spreads my mouth apart. Cold and sweet from the tropical punch juice, it twirls around mine¡ªexploring, invading, battling. I sit there, motionless, as our lips gel, as our tongues dance, as I taste her as much as she''s tasting me.


    After what seems like forever, she pulls away, giving my lips a little suck before moving away. The puckering sound seems to echo throughout the room.


    My eyes blink open, and I find myself staring right into her dark, alluring eyes.


    "A kiss like that," she says, her voice as soft and enchanting as her kiss.


    I finally remember to breathe. Panting, I keep my shaking hands stable by gripping onto my empty cup as if my life depended on it.


    "Y- Yeah..." My voice is raspy from my heavy breathing, but I manage to squeeze words out of my throat. "Uh, I- I mean, no... no. I''ve never... Your... Yours is so much better..."


    RJ presses her tongue against her cheek. "So you do kiss people in the bar?"


    "No, I... Well, yeah, but... They''re nothing like... like... that. That was..." I trail off, not knowing what I can say to stop my face from combusting.


    "Good?"


    "Um, yeah... good." So, so good.


    RJ lets out a low, throaty laugh. "Of course lah. I''m a good kisser."


    I laugh too, but with a nervous shiver. "You- You practice a lot with boys?"


    Her eyebrows twitch. "No. I don''t kiss boys."


    "Oh." Realization dawns on me. Mango''s words from more than a week ago ring in my head. A lesbian. "You- You kiss girls?"


    "Mmhm."


    Memories flood into me. I am suddenly reminded of every interaction RJ has had with Jon, with Logan, with every one of her friends... with me. It answers so many questions I had, so many. My cheeks begin to burn.


    "How..." I clear my throat. "How do you know?"


    "How do I know what?"


    "How do you know... that you... like girls?"


    "I just know lor." RJ shrugs as she twirls her cup around. "I don''t remember when, but, you know, growing up, I watched all these TV shows and Disney movies and stuff, and there came a time that I realized I didn''t care for the prince at all. I wanted the princess instead. And then it just hit me lor."


    "Oh." I frown. I try to remember what I felt when watching shows and movies. "Interesting... I- I don''t know if I ever think about that sia. I just... I don''t know, I watch for the plot?"


    RJ raises her eyebrows. Her hand still hovers near my face, and I feel my body burning up in flames thinking of a possible second kiss with her.


    "Really? So in a Disney movie, you don''t know if you''d rather kiss the prince or the princess?"


    My heart is beating out of my chest, but I try my best to think. "I- I don''t... I don''t really think about kissing. I... I don''t know..."


    Now my mind is fluttering as crazily as my heart. I''m so confused. Am I weird for not knowing? When RJ just... knows?


    "It''s okay, it''s okay. Everyone''s different lah. You don''t have to know. Let''s break it down, okay? Forget princes or princesses." RJ''s eyes flicker downwards. "Do you want to kiss me?"


    My heart stops, before rattling wildly against my ribcage.


    "Yes," I murmur.


    RJ''s lips pull upwards into a smirk. Sitting up, she takes my cup from my hands and places both our cups on the coffee table.


    "Okay then," she says. She lays her bandaged hand on my neck, while her other hand wraps around my waist, pulling me close.


    And she goes in for another kiss.

 13.2

    A/N: This chapter gets... steamy. Feel free to skip this chapter for a fade-to-black effect!


    ---


    We kiss on the couch, over and over again, each time with a bit more vigor than the previous, each time in a slightly different position.


    RJ''s hands travel around my body. Her left hand¡ªsmooth, slender, and warm¡ªglides along my lower body, cupping my butt and caressing my thighs. Her right hand¡ªrough with bandages¡ªstays on my neck and chin, keeping me in place as she ravages my mouth.


    My skin tingles at her every touch. A few hours ago, a different person touched me in some of the same areas, and it was harsh and terrifying. But this... this is nice. Too nice. RJ, despite her intense eyes and passionate tongue, is gentle, so very gentle.


    I grab her shirt as though I am clinging for dear life. I am not sure what to do with my hands. I am not even sure what is going on with my mind. It is simultaneously blank and flooded with feelings. All I know is that I want more. More.


    We shift around on the couch until RJ perches on top of me, her hips pressed against mine, pinning me down against the cushions.


    When she pulls away, she is towering over me, and I have to crane my neck up to look at her. We are both huffing and grinning at each other stupidly.


    Lifting my chin, RJ rubs my lips with her good thumb. "Your lips are as soft as I imagined," she whispers.


    "You''ve been imagining?" I say with a breathy giggle.


    She kisses me again in response, purposefully sucking at my lips at the end to make a loud smacking noise.


    "Of course lah," she says. She traces my neck with her long fingers, sending a shiver down my spine. "Has anyone ever... kissed you anywhere else?"


    "What do you mean?"


    Again, RJ answers my question with a kiss¡ªbut this time, it is a kiss on my neck, the spot where she traced. I yelp a little at the contact. Her lips are cold and wet, and when she sucks at my skin, I cannot help but let out a moan.


    As much as I want her back in my mouth, I find myself lifting my neck up to her as she plants a few more kisses, sucking and biting every so often.


    When she stops, I look back at her, breath quivering in anticipation.


    "Has anyone kissed you here before?" She repeats her question, her dark, narrowed eyes sending flames throughout my body.


    "No- No one..."


    "Good."


    RJ moves downwards as she keeps kissing. I am shuddering and whimpering with pleasure, and I don''t want her to stop. I shake the large jacket off. She pauses, her eyes scanning my upper body.


    "Can I take your shirt off?"


    Slowly, I nod.


    She begins to unbutton my shirt. A few buttons were popped off during the incident in the changing room, and her expression darkens when she realizes it.


    "RJ," I warn. I do not want to get into an argument while being undressed.


    "Yeah lah, yeah lah," RJ grumbles as she continues to loosen the rest of my shirt. "Whatever lah, I''m the only person who gets to see this anyway, right?"


    With that, she flings open my shirt to reveal my black, lacey bra.


    A breeze caresses my torso, but RJ''s lustful stares are what makes me shiver. Both her fingers and her eyes trace my collarbones, my cleavage, and my stomach.


    I have never been this exposed to anybody before, and for some reason, I want to let RJ see me like this. All of me. My heart is beating against my chest, but I pluck up the courage to mutter, "You... can take it all off... if you want."


    RJ''s eyes flicker towards me as if to scream, Of course I want. She reaches a hand behind my back and easily unhooks my bra.


    My body gets a bit colder while RJ''s eyes get a bit more lit up.


    "God, you''re fucking beautiful," she says before leaning down.


    A gasp escapes my throat when her lips find my nipple.


    Flicking and sucking, her tongue teases both of my swollen buds, as her hands clasp my breasts in a tight grip. My gasps turn into a loud cry when she squeezes my nipple with her bandaged fingers.


    "RJ!"


    "Sorry, did that hurt?" She lifts her head to look at me.


    I catch my breath. "A- A little bit."


    Without RJ''s warm breath, my nipples feel icy cold from the wetness, reminding me just how bare I am. Heat crawls up my cheeks.


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    "Uh, RJ, maybe... maybe we should do this in my room."


    She raises her eyebrows. "Okay." She climbs off of me and picks me up, bridal style.


    "R- RJ?" I exclaim. I am hanging awkwardly mid-air, while my shirt and bra have slipped onto the couch. "Put me down lah! My clothes fell!"


    "Pick it up then." RJ refuses to put me down, and I have to lean over and grab them. "Which room is yours?"


    Hugging my garments close to me, I nod my head towards my room. She marches over, still carrying me effortlessly, and closes the door behind her with her leg. She lays me down on my bed, my back against the headboard.


    "You didn''t need to carry me sia." I pout.


    "Why not? I want to."


    "You just want to show off your strength lor."


    RJ chuckles. "Maybe."


    I tug at her shirt. "You need to take off your clothes leh."


    A smirk paints her face. "Yes, ma''am."


    She straightens and starts to unbutton in the slowest way possible, as if to taunt me and my naked torso.


    Finally, she slips off her sheer blouse and black bra and climbs towards me. Her chest is small, much smaller than mine, but they''re perkier. Everything else about her body is bigger though: larger biceps, wider shoulders, wider hips, very well-defined abs...


    I gulp. I didn''t think RJ could look any more gorgeous than she already is, but here she is, with her light shoulder-length hair framing the most perfect body in the world. She looks like she could be a model for an athletic brand.


    I am not sure where all my courage is coming from, but I find myself asking, "Can I... Can I try kissing you... there too?"


    RJ notices where my eyes are looking. She straddles and leans over me so my face is a few inches away from her chest.


    "Go ahead."


    Tentatively, I cup my hands around her breasts. They are just enough to fill my palms, and I find myself ogling stupidly at them.


    "I... Do I just... I don''t know..."


    RJ places her hands on my head. "Do whatever you want lah. I''ll like it."


    I stick my tongue out and lean forward. The little bud is small but firm, and tastes a little salty, reminding me of a soft pearl of an oyster. RJ''s fingers slide into my hair, massaging my head as I explore her chest. The more I try to taste, the more her hips grind into mine; the more her breath hitches, the more my mind whirs in excitement.


    And then I hear it¡ªRJ''s moan.


    It''s faint, with a pitch I''ve never heard from RJ before. I never thought I would ever hear a sound like that in my life, especially from RJ. And it''s like music to my ears.


    I stare at her in awe.


    Her head is rolled back. When she realizes I''ve stopped, she looks down at me and laughs. "Chloe, come on lah. Don''t stop when it''s getting good."


    "Oh, s- sorry¡ª"


    She grabs my face and kisses me on my forehead. "It''s okay lah. Your first time." A playful glint flashes across her eyes as she pushes me back against the headboard. "Sit back and learn, Cherry."


    I want to protest¡ªI want to promise to do better¡ªbut she kisses my nipple again and my mind goes blank. She continues what we were doing in the living room, but ten times more vigorous, and ten times more pleasurable. She squeezes, licks, twists, and flicks, while I cannot do anything but squirm and moan under her.


    After long moments of bliss, she stops, giving me time to catch my breath. I slump against the headboard, exhausted, until I feel her hands pulling at my pants.


    Immediately, I sit up and grab her hands.


    "RJ, no! I... I''ve never... I''ve never done this before..."


    RJ gives me a gentle kiss on my lips as she coos, "I know lah, and I want to show you." Her eyes bore into mine, imploring, pleading. "Trust me, Chloe. Let me show you, can?"


    I am overwhelmed with both curiosity and fear, but the former¡ªwith a mix of lust and desire¡ªtake over. "O- Okay, but- but I''m scared..."


    "I''ll be gentle," RJ promises. She maintains her eye contact with me as she wiggles my shorts off, followed by my panties. Oh god, they''re soaked. They''re soaked, and RJ is touching them as she pulls them off.


    I am now fully bare, fully naked, fully vulnerable, laying in front of RJ''s hungry, scanning eyes. My cheeks heat up, along with the lower parts of my body¡ªthe parts RJ is heavily scrutinizing.


    She lowers her head, and I exclaim again, "RJ, what? W- What are you going to do there?" I''ve never thought much about what goes on between women when they''re intimate, and no one ever talks about it around me. And now, my mind is frantic.


    Her hand reaches to grab mine, squeezing in encouragement. "I''m going to give you the treatment you deserve," she says as she plants a few kisses on my thighs.


    "I- But- Wait, I..."


    "Trust me, Chloe." RJ''s mouth is now dangerously close to my core, and my heart is dangerously close to exploding.


    "I- I do, but- but... there? I just..." Is this normal? Is this what people do? Is this what girls do? Why would anybody want to kiss there? That''s where... I think about all the unsexy bodily functions that happen down there. There''s no way RJ would...


    Her tongue touches my folds, and all thoughts disappear from my mind.


    A sharp gasp flies out of my mouth as my eyes roll back. The feeling is indescribable. I''ve never felt anything so good, so arousing, so... raw.


    Her playful tongue swirls around, sending waves of pleasure through me. Her warm breath heightens the bliss, while her strong fingers dig into my thighs, keeping me in place. I let myself moan as loudly as I want, as loudly as I need, while my head rolls all over the headboard.


    I am not sure what RJ is doing exactly, but whenever I glance at her, she is staring up at me intensely¡ªobserving, watching, learning¡ªas she drives me closer and closer to the edge.


    When the tension rises in me, my grasp on the bedsheet tightens and my hips lift. RJ seems to understand what I need. She wraps her hand around my butt and plunges her tongue deeper. My screams¡ªand my mind¡ªgoes crazier as RJ goes crazier inside me. All kinds of sounds are coming from my mouth, sounds I can''t even describe, sounds I never even knew I could make.


    And then, the sensation peaks.


    A floodgate of pure, unadulterated bliss rushes through me, as I scream out RJ''s name over and over again like a plea. My thigh muscles jerk uncontrollably before my entire body loses all energy and I roll down onto the bed, gasping and panting.


    RJ crawls over me, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Her brown hair tickles my shoulders as she smiles at me, her lips glistening with my fluid.


    I am still reeling from the experience, so I just stare back at her as I breathe.


    "How was it?" she asks.


    I nod my head vigorously.


    Her smile widens. I''ve never seen her smile like this before. She has dimples on her cheeks when she really smiles. They''re faint, but they''re so cute.


    She plops her head into the hollow of my neck and laughs.


    "What?" I say through my panting.


    "Don''t know lah. I''m happy." She presses her head further into me. "I''m happy I made you cum."


    "Oh... That''s what that was?"


    RJ''s head flies up, her expression a mix of shock and exasperation. Then, she laughs again. "We can keep trying if you''re not sure."


    I am not at all opposed to that idea, so I giggle along with her. A question pops up in my head. "How does it... How do I taste like ah?"


    RJ raises her eyebrows. "You wanna try?"


    I nod, and RJ pulls me in for a kiss, a small smirk on her lips.


    Her kiss is as sweet and heavenly as ever, but the taste of tropical punch juice is gone now. Instead, it is acidic. Acidic, with a bit of a peculiar taste I can''t quite pinpoint.


    RJ parts from me and looks at me expectantly.


    "That''s... interesting," I say. "Is this... Is this how yours will taste like too?"


    "I don''t know." RJ grins. "Try it lor and let me know."

 13.3

    Feb 16, 2014, Sunday.


    I''ve never slept naked before. Or slept with another person in the same bed before. And I''ve definitely never slept naked with another person in the same bed before.


    But today, I wake up naked on my bed, with RJ''s equally bare body pressing against my back.


    Her arm slumps over my waist while her breath tickles the back of my neck. I feel my heart rate increasing. I cannot believe RJ is sleeping next to me. RJ. RJ!


    If I had not been thoroughly exhausted by the end of last night, I would not have fallen asleep next to her like this.


    Ignoring my thrashing heart, I reach for my phone on the side table. It''s eight o''clock in the morning.


    Oh, and ten new messages from Clementine. My heart sinks.


    "Good morning, Chloe," RJ mutters from behind me. I must have woken her up when I reached for the phone. A few soft kisses land on my back as her grasp on my waist tightens.


    I take some time skimming through the messages before turning around to face the drowsy girl. RJ extends her arms and I snuggle into her embrace, indulging in the soft pillows of her chest.


    "Good morning, RJ. How was your sleep?"


    She plants a few kisses on my head. "So good. Best sleep I''ve had in a while."


    I chuckle as I bury my head further into her neck. She still smells like shampoo. My shampoo.


    The memories of last night trickle back. So much happened; so, so much. I did things that I never thought were possible; I felt things that I never knew could be felt. And RJ is so gentle and so gorgeous.


    I take in a deep breath to calm myself. "Clementine texted me, by the way."


    RJ tenses up under me. "What''d she say?"


    "She said she notified the guy''s family about him coming to the bar. Since the bar is known for privacy and keeping secrets and stuff like that, many customers reveal a lot to us. So... when they violate the bar''s policies, Clementine violates their trust too lor."


    "What? So he just gets snitched on?" I can hear RJ''s teeth grinding in anger. "That man should be jailed lah!"


    "I don''t think Clementine goes to the police unless it''s, like, really, really bad lah. This is the typical punishment she doles out. And she also says she''s firing Mang... I- I mean, that- that colleague who... you know..." My voice quivers and I gulp. "She''s- She''s going to be blacklisted from all affiliated bars and clubs, which is, like, all of the night scenes in Singapore lah. She''s basically blacklisted from this line of work... forever. Clementine''s influence is huge."


    "Wait, the person who let that man in is a fellow bargirl?" The anger in RJ''s voice rises. "What the fuck is wrong with people sia? I know she''s a girl but I''m still going to punch her fucking face¡ª"


    "RJ..." I lift my head and pout at her. "Chill lah. She''s already punished."


    "Not punished enough."


    I sigh. I know why RJ is angry, but I still feel bad. Mango did betray me last night, and what she did was terrible, but she has been a colleague and a friend, even if our friendship did sour. I know how much she needed a job like this. Everyone in Tropic Falls does¡ªwe all desperately need to get money as fast as possible, and in the safest possible way. This is really going to hurt her.


    And as for the man, well, I just wish to erase his memory from my mind forever. I let out another sigh.


    "Don''t be so angry lah..." I cup RJ''s face and kiss her on her brows until the creases disappear.


    "Not angry lah," RJ mumbles, tugging my waist and pulling me back into her embrace. "I should check my phone too."


    Her hand flounders about on the side table until she grabs her phone. There is a long pause before she utters, "Ah, fuck lah."


    "Why?"


    "Twenty-four missed calls. Siao."


    I frown. "What? Why?"


    RJ scrolls through her messages and groans. "Fuck lah. I forgot to tell Lobang I wasn''t going back to his place last night. And my phone was turned off ''cause I was angry with Jon lah. They probably think I got kidnapped or something." She inches up against the headboard, still keeping one arm around me. "Sorry ah, Chloe, I''m going to call Lobang now, okay? Before they call the police or something."


    Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    "Okay."


    The moment she presses the call button, a loud scream comes blasting from her phone.


    "ARRRR JAYYYYY!"


    "Oh my god, shut up lah, Lobang!" RJ snaps, wincing at the sound. "You''re destroying my ears sia."


    "Where are you?" the familiar loud voice wails. "Jon said you two had a big fight and then you just disappeared sia!"


    "Yeah, sorry, I had to leave and cool off."


    Logan is no longer shouting so I cannot hear what he is saying. But my brows furrow more at his last sentence. RJ and Jon had a fight yesterday? Was that why she had to leave the study session early?


    RJ continues her conversation. "Yeah... Yeah, I''m okay... Oh, nothing lah, I just went somewhere to cool off... A bar lah, got a drink... Yeah, and then I stayed over at someone''s place." She glances at me. "No one you know lah. A hookup."


    My heart drops while Logan''s voice increases.


    "Nice lah!" he screams. "RJ, you got game sia! Teach me, can?"


    "Shut up lah." RJ pinches the bridge of her nose. "Okay lah, I''m gonna go now. See you, uh, in school, I guess. Bye."


    Placing her phone back on the side table, RJ curls back up against me. "Sorry about that, Chloe."


    I let her warmth envelop me once again, but my insides remain cold with unease.


    "RJ..." I whisper, "am I... am I a hookup?"


    Panic crawls up her face as she stares at me. "No lah! Sorry, Chloe, I just said that to get him off my back lah. I didn''t mean it at all, really. I figured you probably didn''t want Lobang to know about you, so I came up with something."


    "It''s okay, RJ, I get it lah. But I just... I don''t know, what are we?"


    "What do you want us to be?" RJ asks hesitantly.


    I chew on my lip. What do I want? I do not think I know. I am not like RJ. She has all the confidence I do not have¡ªconfidence in the way she presents herself, confidence in her sexuality. Meanwhile, I am a ball of confusion.


    After a long wait, RJ changes her question. "Okay, okay, let''s do this one step at a time. Did you... enjoy last night?"


    "I- I did..."


    "Do you want to do it... more often?"


    I feel my face burn with the question. Tugging on her waist, I mumble into her skin, "I mean, y- yeah, if- if we can lah..."


    "Okay, good. Do you like spending time with me?"


    "Of course."


    "If you''re free today, do you want to go out on a date with me?"


    "Oh. Where to?"


    "I don''t know yet lah. Somewhere. Do you want to?"


    "S- Sure."


    "Okay, good. Last question." RJ sits up, her stare is as dark and as intense as ever. "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"


    Girlfriend? My mind whirs wildly at that. Girlfriend? I am not even sure what being a girlfriend entails. Can I even be a girlfriend? I work at Tropic Falls, and RJ clearly hates that.


    And do I want a girlfriend? Can I want one before figuring out my sexuality? I enjoyed our interactions last night, but what if it feels good to be touched like that no matter who''s doing it? I don''t have any experience with boys, so there''s nothing to compare to.


    RJ notices my prolonged silence and changes the question again. "Not girlfriend then. How about just: person I''m dating?"


    For some reason, that makes me feel weirder, so I shake my head. "No, no, girlfriend is fine lah. I''m... I''m willing to try, I think."


    RJ breaks into a smile as she pulls me into a hug. I let myself melt into her.


    "Okay, good," RJ says. I can hear the grin on her face. "We''re girlfriends."


    "I- I don''t have any experience though."


    "That''s okay lah." RJ shrugs. "I''m not an expert either. We can learn together."


    I was sure RJ would be a lot more experienced, but before I can ask her more about that, I hear clanking noises from outside my room.


    "Oh, that''s my mother," I say, sitting up.


    RJ props herself up on the bed and wiggles her eyebrows. "Should I go meet her like this?"


    I cannot help but give her body a scan with the way she''s posing. Then, I shake my growing blush away. "Cannot lah!" I whisper, jumping out of the bed and tossing some of my clothes at her. "Quick, you can wear my clothes."


    "But I look better without clothes, right?"


    I ignore the cheeky smirk¡ªand the stunning body¡ªand hurriedly don a simple T-shirt and shorts. Begrudgingly, RJ climbs out of bed and does the same.


    As I''m combing my hair, RJ hugs me from behind. Her lips find the exact spot on my neck that makes me weak, and I have to suppress a moan. Spending hours last night exploring each other''s bodies definitely gave her a lot of ammunition against me¡ªand she is not afraid to use it.


    With all of my willpower, I wriggle free from her grasp. "RJ, come on lah. My mom is outside sia."


    When we finally make it out of the room, M¨¡ma is placing a giant pot in the middle of the dining table. Her eyebrows raise slightly at RJ before she breaks into her usual smile.


    I clear my throat and greet, "M¨¡ma, z¨£o ¨¡n." Good morning.


    "Z¨£o ¨¡n, b¨£o b¨¨i n¨· ¨§r," my mother greets me back. "Zh¨¨ w¨¨i m¨¦i n¨· sh¨¬ shu¨ª n¨¥?" Good morning, dearest daughter. Who is this lovely lady?


    There is an unexpected nervousness in RJ''s voice as she stutters out a reply in the most broken Mandarin Chinese I have ever heard, "H- Hello, ma''am, good morning, I''m... Ruijun... uh, from, uh... school."


    My mouth drops open. RJ is so good at everything she does that I did not expect her to be bad at speaking Mandarin Chinese.


    "She''s my classmate," I pipe up to save her.


    "Oh, I''ve never seen you before! Nice to meet you, Ruijun." M¨¡ma taps her pot enthusiastically. "Come sit! I prepared enough porridge for more than three people!"


    "Thank you, M¨¡ma. We''re gonna go wash up first though."


    With that, I drag RJ across the living room to the small bathroom at the corner. As I fumble around the drawers to find her a new toothbrush, she stares at me in bewilderment.


    "You speak Chinese at home?" she asks in English, finally not stuttering and in her comfort zone.


    "Yeah, my mother is from Taiwan mah. She''s not very good at English. You leh? I''m guessing you speak English at home?"


    "Yeah, my parents are westernized as fuck." RJ folds her arms and leans on the wall. "But I''m hurt leh, Chloe. Why did you tell your mother I''m your classmate? Not n¨· p¨¦ng y¨¯u?"


    Once again, my mouth drops open. RJ''s Mandarin Chinese is terrible, but she sure knows how to say the word ''girlfriend'' perfectly.


    I gulp. "I- I don''t know... I''m not sure how my mother will take it..."


    "Kidding lah." RJ chuckles as she kisses my forehead. "Let''s wash up and then eat the porridge your mom made, n¨· p¨¦ng y¨¯u."

 14.1 | Going Back

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 16, 2014, Sunday.


    Ever since stepping foot into Chloe''s house yesterday, I have been preparing for the inevitable occasion of meeting her mother. But it did not occur to me that she would be primarily speaking in my long-forgotten mother tongue. Chloe should have warned me; I could have brushed up on my Chinese a little bit.


    As we come out of the bathroom, all cleaned and freshened up, Ms. Lee has scooped a bowl of porridge for each of us and is adding cuts of fried dough onto them. She looks up as we scurry over to the dining table. "Ku¨¤i l¨¢i ch¨© z¨£o f¨¤n, h¨¢i z¨« men." Quick, come eat some breakfast, children.


    She flashes me a warm smile that calms my unease. Now I know where Chloe gets her smile from.


    "Aiyo! Sit down, M¨¡ma, and let me do it." Chloe rushes over to take over the work. There is a glint of confidence in the way she speaks Mandarin Chinese that is different from the way she usually speaks.


    "Thank you, Chiarong. I hope you don''t mind century eggs, Ruijun. I made pork and century egg porridge."


    I shake my head vigorously. "I, uh, don''t... uh... I like. I can eat."


    Oh god, I really need to revisit my Chinese lessons.


    Chloe chuckles as she sprinkles salt and pepper onto the bowls. "She doesn''t speak Chinese at home, M¨¡ma, so her Chinese is not good."


    "Ah, I''m sorry," Ms. Lee apologizes. "I wish I could speak English better."


    Frantic, I shake my head again. "No, no, I speak. I also understand."


    Ms. Lee gives me an encouraging smile before turning to Chloe who is serving us the porridge. "What a sweet girl. How come you''ve never brought her over before?"


    Sweet? That is one adjective I have never heard for myself. Hoping the heat in my face does not show, I keep my head down and dig into my breakfast.


    "We usually study outside," Chloe explains.


    "Oh, really? She''s helping you with your studies?"


    "Yeah. She''s very smart, M¨¡ma. Top of the class and everything."


    "N- No..." I try to protest, but my subpar Chinese skill is stopping me.


    "Top of the class? Wow!" Ms. Lee stares at me as if Chloe had just told her I won the Nobel prize. "I''m so glad you''re studying with Chiarong, Ruijun. This daughter of mine spends way too much time working and not enough time studying."


    Chloe sticks her lips out into a pout. "I do study, M¨¡ma!"


    "Not enough. You should stop working and become as good as Ruijun."


    "M¨¡ma, I told you, I will only quit my job once you get your surgery."


    "And I told you that you don''t have to worry about that. I''ll only do what we can afford."


    "We can afford the surgery. I''ll work until we can."


    Ms. Lee lets out a loud sigh. "This daughter doesn''t listen to her mother."


    Unable to help resolve the argument, I sit on the side and watch in both shock and awe. I have seen a few fights between Jon and his mother, and I have been in too many fights with my own mother, but I have never seen a mother-child argument like this before. This is so... affectionate. So warm.


    A whirl of emotions hit me like a storm. I get it now. I get why Chloe is the way she is. I get why she is working her soul off for her mother. And I get why she insists on being at Tropic Falls.


    Ms. Lee turns to me. "Help me convince her please, Ruijun."


    I glance at Chloe, who is now sulking as she finishes her bowl of porridge. She casts me a hard look and I avert my gaze.


    "I, uh, study with she," I say in my ever-so-broken Chinese. "She do well in school. No worry, ma''am."


    That made both ladies crack a smile¡ªChloe, snorting at my poor Chinese skills, and her mother, beaming at my response.


    "I''m so thankful for you, Ruijun," Ms. Lee says with so much sincerity that makes me blush yet again.


    When we are all done, Chloe stands up and collects the dishes. Before I can follow her into the kitchen, Ms. Lee grabs my hand and holds me back.


    "I hope we didn''t make you uncomfortable, Ruijun. Chiarong tends to get like this when I try to stop her from working."


    "No, no uncomfortable," I try to assure her.


    "Okay, good, good." Ms. Lee folds her hands and shakes her head. "I just worry about my dearest daughter, you know?"


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    Dearest daughter¡ªb¨£o b¨¨i n¨· ¨§r. Those four words pierce me in the heart. Have I ever heard any of my parents say things like that?


    "She works too hard," Ms. Lee continues. "I see her coming home later than three o''clock at night sometimes, you know? All I want is for her to enjoy her one and only youth. Study hard, rest, play, hang out with friends, not work and work and work and work. I feel like I failed as a mother if that is what she ends up doing in her youth."


    I gawk at her with mouth agape. I don''t know how to tell her that she is the furthest from failure as a mother.


    Staring at her, I finally notice her eyes and the way they glaze over me. She is looking at me but not really seeing me. And when she blinks, she blinks hard as if a regular blink is not enough to soothe her eyes.


    My heart crumbles. What did Chloe say it was again? Glaucoma? Of everyone on Earth, this had to befall the nicest lady I have ever met. I clench my jaw in frustration.


    Ms. Lee leans forward. "Ruijun ah, can you please try to convince Chloe to leave her job? I will be forever thankful to you."


    I nod my head slowly and she sits back in relief.


    "I''m so happy she made a friend like you," she adds with a grin. "How did you like the porridge, by the way?"


    "Oh, uh, good, very good," I stutter out a response, pointing two thumbs up. "Ma''am, you cooking good."


    Ms. Lee is visibly pleased with the compliment. "My cooking skills are not as good as Chiarong''s baking skills. Have you ever tried her cakes before? They''re really good."


    I raise my eyebrows as I glance over at the kitchen. "No, but I want."


    She chuckles and winks at me. "You should."


    Chloe returns to the table at that point. "What were you two talking about?" she asks, a small pout still visible on her lips.


    "I was telling Ruijun about your awesome baking skills," Ms. Lee replies.


    "Oh." Chloe blinks. Her pout tugs upwards into a smile as she looks at me with a knowing expression. "Want to do that today?"


    Oh. The date I was asking her for before breakfast. I clear my throat. "Okay."


    With that, we bid a farewell to Ms. Lee before leaving for the nearest supermarket.


    The two of us walk in silence for a while. I keep my head down and my hands stuffed into my pockets. Ms. Lee''s request rings in my head. A few hours ago, I would have been more than happy to take up her offer to convince Chloe to quit her job. But now, I do not know if I am able to do that anymore.


    Instead, I feel terrible. I should not have made Chloe feel so bad about herself. I should not have screamed at her yesterday.


    Lifting my head, I prepare to apologize, only for Chloe to cut me off.


    "Maybe I should quit my job," she says in English.


    I stop in my tracks. "What?"


    Chloe stops in front of me and shifts on her feet. "Well, just- just now in the kitchen, I was thinking lah... I just- I don''t really like the job lah, to be honest, and then yesterday, that happened, and- and I don''t know, I''m scared lah. And then I keep thinking, like, if this ever happens again, I- I don''t know..."


    She gulps and continues, "And even if it doesn''t happen again, I know that you don''t like me working there in general lah. And now that we''re trying this... girlfriend thing, I don''t want to keep doing things that will make you upset, you know? Especially when I don''t even like the job in the first place."


    Past me would have been overjoyed by this. But now, my mind is a mess. I want Ms. Lee to get that surgery. Clenching my fists in my pockets, I ask, "So... will you stop working completely?"


    "Of course not lah. Before working at Tropic Falls, I was working for this bakery. I was actually quite happy there, but the pay is just not as good lor."


    "That''s okay. You have me now what. I''ll top up your loss with the money I earn."


    "You need the money for yourself lah."


    "I don''t need it as much as you do."


    "That''s not true lor. I mean, you''re living by yourself now too, pretty much..." Chloe muses as she chews on her lips. "RJ, if you really want me to accept your help, go back home to your parents."


    "I can''t lah. My parents... Your mother is an angel, so you wouldn''t understand one lah."


    "It doesn''t matter, RJ. I hate to see you struggle like this lah. I hate that you''re taking on so many jobs. You''re going to tire yourself out like this."


    "You''re struggling too lor," I whisper. "Let me help share your burden lah."


    Chloe does not argue as she looks out into the distance. There is no one around and nothing to see in the area but endless foliage and rows of government-subsidized apartment buildings.


    I close my eyes and sigh. With a mother like Ms. Lee, I understand why Chloe wants me to go home. Our mothers are too different, and I am not sue if she can ever comprehend that.


    "To be honest," I begin, "I didn''t just run away from home on a whim lah. I''ve always wanted to get away from my family, even as a kid."


    I open my eyes to see Chloe''s unfathomable expression and press on, "The only thing really keeping me at home was because I know my parents can pay for me to go overseas for university. I''ll get a degree overseas, get a job overseas, and then break away from my parents forever. They don''t have influence beyond Asia so if I just leave this goddamn continent, I can finally leave the clutches of my family forever. Well, not my entire family lah, my brother is a good guy. I''ll still keep in contact with him."


    Chloe takes a few moments to digest what she has heard. "But you can''t do all that, right, if you run away from home?"


    I shrug. "Yeah, but it''s okay lah, I can change my plans."


    "No." Her tone is somber and adamant. "I don''t want you to change your plans for me. Go back home, RJ, please. Go back home and then go overseas for uni."


    "It''s okay lah¡ª"


    "No, it''s not okay! You''re different from me, RJ. You have a plan in your life. I don''t. I don''t have anything figured out sia. You figured out a way to make your life happier, and I don''t want you to throw that away for me!"


    Tears form in Chloe''s eyes and I reach out a finger to wipe them away. "I was able to figure things out because I didn''t have to work like you lah," I say with another sigh. I take her hand. "What do you want in life, Chloe?" I ask as I caress her palm.


    "Um, earn money for my mother''s surgery?"


    "That''s just a short-term goal lah. What is your long-term goal?"


    Chloe frowns. "Oh, I- I don''t know lah." Her hand clenches up in mine. "I... don''t even know what I want to do after I graduate."


    "It''s okay, we still have a year lah. You said you don''t have anything figured out, well, I''ll figure things out with you. We''ll figure everything out, okay? As long as you''re happy."


    She lets out a soft chuckle. "You''re sounding like my mother now."


    I laugh too. I glance around me to check for onlookers before I pull her in for a quick kiss. "Okay lah, I''ll listen to you. I''ll go back home tonight. Happy?"


    She does not look happy, but she nods. "I''ll miss you though..." she mutters.


    "Then let''s enjoy this date as much as we can."


    We continue our walk to the grocery store, but this time, I keep her hand clutched in mine. We hold hands even as we enter the grocery store, even as we shop, even as the cashier gives us weird looks.


    We hold hands all the way back home.

 14.2

    Today was amazing.


    Spending the entire day with Chloe¡ªnot thinking about homework, not focusing on teaching her Math, not worrying about school and work¡ªwas so, so amazing.


    After coming home from the supermarket, Chloe''s mother left for work and we had the entire apartment to ourselves as we baked all sorts of cakes, from simple cupcakes to a seven-tiered rainbow cake. I followed Chloe''s every instruction while she strode around the kitchen, whipping up a storm. I have never seen her this happy and confident before. She was in her comfort zone, and it showed.


    For a moment, the guilt in me dwindled. When she quits her job at the bar and works as a baker instead, she won''t be making as much money, but at least I know she will be happy with the work. And that is all I want for her.


    But her mother came home from her job for dinner, and the guilt returned.


    I want Ms. Lee, the most incredible human being on Earth, to get the surgery she deserves, but I cannot help financially if I am trying to survive by myself. And Chloe was right¡ªno matter how happy I am away from home, it will be harder for me to break away for real if I continue to be away from home now.


    As much as I hate it, I have to suck it up and go back home.


    "I''ll see you tomorrow?" Chloe says, leaning forward to give me a peck on my lips.


    My hand flies to her chin to pull her into a deeper kiss. Her smile widens, but I can''t bring mine to do the same. "Sleep tight tonight, okay?"


    She nods. "I''ll miss you."


    I want to pull her into my arms and carry her to her room, but her mother is in the other room. And I really need to go before it''s too late.


    Letting out a huge sigh, I say, "See you in school lah."


    With that, I turn around and trudge away from Chloe, forcing myself not to look back at her. The journey back home has never felt rougher.


    When I reach the front gates of my house, my hand is as heavy as my heart when I press the bell.


    The gate opens automatically. Of course, no one is here to greet me.


    I shiver as I take off my shoes and step into the house. The cold, dark feel of the bungalow is a stark contrast to the cozy warmth in Chloe''s small apartment.


    As I enter the living room, Ruimin pokes his head out from a corner and mouths a silent greeting at me, his eyes shimmering in concern. I wave at him with a half-hearted smile, but that smile disappears the moment I spot my mother.


    She is sitting in her usual armchair, drinking a cup of tea and scrolling through her laptop. She does not even glance at me as I walk up to her.


    "Ma," I greet.


    She responds by sipping her tea, eyes still on her computer screen. After a minute of silence, I start to speak again, but she clicks her tongue in disapproval, cutting me off.


    I purse my lips. I have no choice but to wait an additional humiliating minute for her to finish whatever she is doing on her laptop.


    Finally, she nods towards the couch behind me. "Sit down."


    It has only been a few minutes here, and I already want to storm out of this prison again. But I clench my teeth as I sit down. I have to stay. I have to stay for Chloe. I have to stay if I want to share her burden.


    "I knew you''d be back. Getting into trouble already?" Ma asks as she looks at my injured hand.


    I put my hands behind my back and ignores her question.


    Ma smoothes the fabric of her pants and continues, "Typical. So, what do you need to say, Ruijun?"


    "I... apologize," I say through gritted teeth.


    She raises her eyebrows as if waiting for more.


    My mouth is coarse and dry as I continue, "I''m... sorry. I want to come back home... please."


    Ma lets out an exaggerated sigh as she places her cup of tea on the table. "Alright. Despite your disrespectful behavior and the shame you have brought to this family, I will graciously let you come back home,"¡ªA cruel smile tugs at her lip.¡ª"on the following conditions."


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    It takes everything in me to not roll my eyes at that. "Fine. What are they?"


    Her smirk widens. "One. You are to remain friends with Jon Kwek," she drawls in her grating accent. "It''s unfortunate that we cannot be future in-laws with Soon Kwek Foods, but we have come to other agreements together, so I will let that go for now."


    That is simple enough; I will always be friends with Jon, no matter how dumb he acts. It does piss me off that my friendship with Jon is still treated as politics though.


    "Two. You are to go for weekly meetups by our arrangements and be on your best behavior." Ma looks pointedly at me.


    Once again, I have to stop myself from groaning. I''m guessing if any boy complains after one date with me I will be kicked right out of the house. It is not my fault some of them find me ''scary'' and ''unapproachable''.


    "Three." Ma folds her arms and leans back in her seat. "Your phone and credit card use will now be monitored. Be grateful that I am still paying for them."


    Fuck, monitored? Like how? Can I still contact Chloe without my mother finding out about her? And us?


    "Four. Our chauffeur will be taking you everywhere you go. I am fair and will not be restricting your movements, but I will need to know where you are at any point and why."


    Fuck. And there go my visits to Tropic Falls. Why did I even come back here? I grind my teeth in frustration.


    "And that''s all. Our first meetup is this coming Friday. Your father and I will visit the Huang estate and you''ll come along. They have a very accomplished son in the military." She sits back and crosses her legs with a smile as if she is doing me a favor. "Agreed?"


    I stop myself from cursing, and say, "Yeah lah, yeah lah."


    "Finally. Now that wasn''t so hard, was it?" Ma stands up and closes her laptop. Before she climbs the staircase to her room, she turns to me. "Go take a shower, Ruijun. I have no idea where you''ve been, but if you want to stay in my house any longer, you''d better wash off whatever germs you brought in from outside."


    It takes all my willpower to not grab the teacup on the table and throw it at her. This sucks. Being back home sucks. My mother sucks.


    I miss Ms. Lee and her warm smile. And I miss Chloe.


    Chloe.


    I miss her little pouts whenever I do a shabby job at mixing the cake batter. I miss the way she would chide at me for eating the raw dough. I miss her body. I miss everything about her.


    But now, I''m stuck in this prison cell. I hate this. I hate my mother, I hate this home, I hate my life.


    "Jie!" Now that Ma is gone, Ruimin rushes into the living room. "You''re finally back! Where were you sia?"


    "Lobang''s."


    Ruimin''s eyes light up. The little guy loves Logan and thinks he''s funny. "Oh my god! You stayed at his place ah?"


    "Yeah. He''s a good friend."


    "He''s so hilarious. He played soccer with my class last week after school, you know?"


    As Ruimin continues to talk about his life while I was away, my phone vibrates. I glance down and I see Chloe texting me. Fear strikes me, and I immediately click on her name, block her from my contacts, and delete all of her messages.


    Staring down at my screen, my phone now feels so... empty. Like my heart.


    To fill that void, I finally open up Jon''s many messages¡ªone hundred and twelve of them. Geez, what the fuck? Skimming them while nodding occasionally at Ruimin''s rambles, I see that they are all apologies and begging for us to meet up to talk. Idiot.


    I quickly send him a text back.


    RJ: Chill lah bro


    RJ: See you in school tmr


    Jon replies back immediately and I cannot help but let out a snort.


    "Walao eh, Jie you''re not even listening to me," Ruimin whines.


    "Oh, sorry." I slide my phone into my pocket. "Just talking to Jon."


    That seems to clear things up for Ruimin. "How have you been ah, Jie? You look super tired sia."


    "I''m okay lah. You don''t need to worry about me. How are you doing in your classes?"


    "Oh, I actually have a homework question. Can you help?"


    "Sure."


    ---


    Feb 17, 2014, Monday.


    I have spent less than twenty-four hours back home and Ma is already suspicious. Before leaving for school, she was asking me about my jobs and why I am doing them, even though she had never cared about these things before. I convinced her that I am working to both fill up my resume and save up money for the latest PlayStation. She believed me for now.


    With this sudden increase in surveillance, I''m glad I blocked Chloe last night. If Ma sees her name pop up on my phone, she will dig into it, and I don''t want that to happen.


    But I still hate that I did that. It feels so weird to go from being with Chloe the entire weekend to not even texting her at all. The loneliness is weighing down on my soul.


    Sighing, I lean back on the bench table. Assembly is starting soon, and the campus is getting more crowded by the second. I hear my name being called. Turning around, I see Jon walking toward me from the other end of the quadrangle, waving his hand at me.


    Huimin is behind him, along with Logan and Audrey, but just the sight of Huimin and Jon together is pissing me off more than it should.


    I stand and make a beeline for Ms. Goh''s office. I don''t know what I have to do there, but she will find me something to do.


    As I march down the hallway, Chloe steps in front of me, blocking my way. I freeze, and my stomach churns.


    She is staring at me, grief and heartache filling her eyes.


    "RJ," she starts, "are you okay? Why haven''t you replied to any of my texts?"


    Her soft, somber voice rains daggers through my chest. I want to stop right there and hug her. I want to pull her into a kiss and taste her again. I want to tell her just how much I miss her and how much I wish to run away from home to be with her again.


    But I cannot. Not with people around.


    "Sorry ah, Chloe, I, uh, had to block your number."


    Her eyes widen. "What? Why?"


    "Uh, long story." I look around me. There are already some classmates glancing at us. I wonder if they are talking about us. I have never interacted with Chloe much in school so maybe this is bringing too much attention to us. To her.


    Dread creeps through my gut. Huimin snitched to my mother, so anybody in the school could too. I need to get away from Chloe.


    "Sorry, I''ll tell you more next time, okay?" I say, stepping away from her.


    The look in her eyes stabs me straight in my heart. "RJ?"


    God. That sweet voice, paired with that beautiful face of hers, will be the death of me, and I need to leave before I am further enchanted.


    Clenching my teeth, I peel my eyes away from her and walk away.

 14.3

    Feb 21, 2014, Friday.


    "Wasn''t he such a wonderful boy, Ruijun?" Ma coos.


    Even though she is asking me the question, she is not turning around from the front passenger seat to look at me. I lean my head on my hand, too exhausted for any witty comeback.


    "Yeah lah," I say simply.


    Today has been a tiring day, and it is especially tiring when you have to pretend to be a different¡ªnicer¡ªversion of yourself. Right after my tennis practice, the chauffeur took me straight to the Huang estate where we had an unnecessarily long dinner. And now, we are finally going back home at eleven o''clock.


    "That boy Sean ah," Ba adds, "he''s in the military and everything, and their family has a huge influence in the government leh. They might even help you get a scholarship with the government too."


    I try not to roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, okay."


    Why would I take a scholarship and tie myself to the government, when my parents have generational wealth I can make use of?


    While Ba goes on and on about the greatness of the Huang family for the next ten minutes or so, I shut my brain off and fix my stare outside the car window. The high-rise buildings and canopy of trees zip by me in a blur.


    I hate this.


    This entire week has been hell. Every day after school, I either have physically-draining tennis practice or mentally-draining teaching. And I do not get a break after all that¡ªthe family chauffeur waits by the street wherever I go, and I have no choice but to go straight back to the prison of my house. I feel trapped. I feel strangled.


    Worst of all, I have not yet found an opportunity to talk to Chloe privately at school, and I hate it. Just last week, we were hanging out almost every day. We were cuddling to sleep and I was giving her goodbye kisses. And now I am actively avoiding her as much as possible to avoid suspicion.


    "Should we arrange to meet them again?" I dimly hear Ma ask.


    "Of course lah! Definitely meet a few more times."


    I purse my lips to stop my groan from escaping.


    I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.


    Our car pulls up to the driveway. As I trudge into the house, I see we have a guest¡ªJon is chatting with Ruimin in the living room. Judging by the books on the table, he is here to help my brother with his homework. But the way he looks pointedly at me suggests otherwise.


    Like the sociable person that he is, Jon strikes up some friendly small talk with my parents for a bit before they bid him goodnight and leave for their room.


    "I''ll go to sleep now too," Ruimin announces as he hurriedly packs up his homework and rushes away.


    And so, it is just the two of us. Just like the way it used to be¡ªat least, without the strange tension in the air. I am still angry at Jon, and I do not mask that from him.


    Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I ask, "Want something to drink, Jon?"


    "Nah, sit down lah, RJ." Jon gives me a wink as he takes out a large bottle from his bag. "My dad went to Japan last week and got some sake. Dassai 23 Junmai Daiginjo."


    Intrigued, I let out a whistle and settle next to him. After chugging the cup he pours for me, I let out another whistle. "Wah, I needed this so much. Thank you ah."


    "I can tell, that''s why I''m here mah." He takes a swig as well. "Ruimin told me your parents are super hard on you. You okay? You''ve been avoiding everyone all week sia."


    "What do you think?" I give him a hard look. "I''m still pissed off at you and Huimin lah, and I didn''t want to lose it in front of others."


    "Oh, that''s..." He gulps. "I''m so s¡ª"


    "If you apologize again, I''ll smack you," I say.


    "Oh. Uh... What can I do to make you less angry?"


    I snort as I lean back on the couch. "Nothing lah." Nothing he can fix, that is, especially what is happening between Chloe and I. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I change the subject. "I just need some time. Everything going well with you, by the way? You... happy with Huimin?"


    Jon raises his eyebrows. "I''m not allowed to be in a relationship till I graduate, remember?"


    "Oh, right."


    "But it''s okay. We were never that serious lah. Hooked up a few times only. She wanted to make it more serious than I wanted to, so..."


    I pause as I process that information. "Wait, so you were using our fake relationship to keep things casual with her?"


    A sheepish smile creeps up his face. "Uh, kinda?"


    I groan. "Wah lao eh, Jon! You know it''s all your fault I''m in this situation now, right? I just got back from a stupid dinner date¡ªmeetup, whatever¡ªwith Sean Huang and his family leh."


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    Jon''s eyes widen. "Sean Huang? The guy who used to attend ACS?"


    "Yeah lah, that stuck up school full of people flaunting their wealth. You know him?"


    "Oh yeah, he goes to my church. Kind of a prick, to be honest. Your parents are trying to set you up with him?"


    "And with a bunch of other people too." Jabbing my finger at him, I snap, "And I''m doing all this because you wanted to hook up with a friend."


    Wincing, Jon scoots next to me and begins giving me a shoulder rub. "Ah, sorry lah, RJ. I didn''t mean for this to happen lah."


    I let him ease the tension in my back for a while¡ªit''s been hurting since tennis practice today¡ªbefore shaking him off.


    "Enough lah," I grumble as I rotate my arms around to loosen up my joints. "God, Joei is training the hell out of us."


    "The new tennis captain, right? Huimin was complaining about her too..." He trails off and changes the subject immediately. "Okay, moving on. How about you? How are things with you and..." ¡ªhe lowers his voice to a whisper¡ª "Chloe Lee?"


    My body tenses again. "How do you know about her?" I demand.


    "Logan told me you were sleeping over with someone last weekend after that night. And you were acting weird with her too, so I just guessed lor."


    Frowning, I take gulp of sake. "Keep quiet about this, okay?"


    "I will, I will," he assures before leaning forward and wiggling his brows at me. "So you really slept over at her place ah? Did you also... sleep with her?"


    Memories of the day flood into me and I cannot help but crack a small smile. "Yeah."


    "Nice lah, RJ! So are you two, like, a thing now? Girlfriends? Or keeping it casual?"


    The smile on my face grows. "Girlfriends. We talked and it''s official."


    He blinks. "Wow. That''s fast."


    "Worth it lah. She''s the best girl on Earth," I say with a longing sigh. The alcohol is getting into my brain, and I find myself adding, "Honestly, I''ll marry her in a heartbeat too if she wants."


    Jon stares at me as if I have grown an extra head, while my cheeks burn with embarrassment.


    "I''m just- it''s just talk lah," I add. "I''m not actually gonna do that..."


    "I mean, I get it lah." Jon shrugs. "She''s quite hot."


    "Very hot." I correct him. "Smoking hot."


    Chuckling, Jon raises his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it, you''re in love."


    The burn in my cheeks intensifies. Love. Am I in love with Chloe? A month ago, I didn''t even talk to her, but now, she is all I think about. What does it even mean to be in love?


    My head throbs and I lean back in pain. This is not a topic I should get into while drunk.


    "I miss her so much, Jon," I blurt. "I don''t want my mother to find out about her so I haven''t been talking to her. I can''t even text her sia."


    "What? Why?"


    "My mother is monitoring my phone lah."


    Jon looks taken aback. He takes a moment to consider before he says, "Hey, I have a spare phone. You know that extra one I bought when I lost my phone for a while?"


    "Yeah."


    "Do you want to use that phone to text Chloe instead?"


    My mouth drops. A new phone! Why didn''t I think of that? "Oh my god, Jon, thank you! That''s literally the smartest idea you''ve ever had."


    "Har? It''s not even that smart lah. I think you were just too heartbroken to think properly sia."


    "Maybe." I let out a chortle as relief surges through me. "Oi, give me your phone first thing tomorrow, okay? God, I can''t wait to talk to her again."


    "Yeah lah, yeah lah, I''ll drop by tomorrow morning. Just don''t sext her please. I still want to use the phone in the future and I don''t want to see any weird shit."


    "I will do my best to be as dirty as possible in my texts. You''re welcome."


    "Fuck you lah."


    We laugh for a bit before Jon looks at me with a strange expression. "So, Chloe Lee, huh. What do you like about her?"


    I stare down at my cup. I think about Chloe, the way she frowns as she studies, and the way she looks at me with a pout on her lips. I think about the dark circles that she tries to hide and the cheery smile she puts on every day. I think about the way she rushes to help her mother at the dining table.


    My heart flutters in my chest. Maybe I am in love.


    And then I remember how I have not talked to her in a week, and my heart sank back down. I take a huge gulp of sake. It''s okay. Soon, I''ll be able to talk to her again. Soon.


    "She''s got a really good heart," I say. "I''ve never met anybody as pure and as ...good as her." An absolute angel. "Plus, she''s, like, super hot. Jon, you can''t imagine just how hot she is."


    "Do you really want me to imagine?"


    "Don''t you dare."


    Jon snorts. "Well, you seem to like her a lot more than Yuna."


    I have not thought about my ex for a long time now. "Yeah, I guess. I''ve moved on liao lah, but also, maybe she was never right for me."


    Jon rubs his flushed face."Relationships are so hard. Like, how do you know when someone is right for you, you know?"


    "Yeah, I''m not sure either."


    There is a slight pause before Jon asks, "How are you so sure about your sexuality too? Like, do you really not like men, even a little bit?"


    I feel as though I am punched in the face. I cannot believe Jon is asking me this after so many years. "What the fuck, Jon. Why are you asking that?"


    "I mean, I''ve been reading online, and people say sexuality is a spectrum or something. You sure you''re not even a little bit straight?"


    "Fuck no! I''m one hundred percent gay, dude!"


    "Not even one percent straight?"


    "No!" I am so exasperated I want to kick Jon in the stomach. "Are you one percent gay?"


    "I don''t know," comes the unexpected response. "I mean, there''s some men I''d be okay fucking."


    "Oh." All anger dissipates from me. "For real?"


    "Well... Like I''m not gonna say no to... Chris Hemsworth, you know?"


    Laughter overtakes me and I begin to roll on the sofa.


    "Don''t laugh leh!" Jon protests. "I''ve read that it''s normal! I''m still straight."


    "You want to... fuck Chris Hemsworth... and you still say... you''re straight," I say between fits of laughter.


    "Everybody wants to fuck Chris Hemsworth lah!"


    "I don''t!"


    "Oh, shit, really?" Jon sits back. His face contorts with both confusion and realization. "But why would you not..."


    "Wait, wait, let''s double check with more people, okay?" I take out my phone and call Logan.


    "Aye, RJ! What''s up?" Logan screams through my speaker.


    "Lobang! I''m here with Jon. We have a question for you. Would you fuck Chris Hemsworth?"


    There is a long moment of silence on the other end. "Huh? What are you talking about sia?"


    Logan''s reaction sends both of us into laughter, but I push through with my questioning. "Would you fuck Chris Hemsworth lah?"


    "What? Why would I? Huh?"


    I raise my brows at Jon as if to say, See? Told you.


    Meanwhile, the boy is groaning and burying his face in his hands.


    "Why leh?" Logan is still confused. "Is this a dare? Huh? Am I supposed to say yes?"


    I decide to change the question. "Okay, okay, Lobang, would you fuck Jon?"


    Jon lifts his head in shock. He is about to retort but Logan''s answer comes much quicker than his previous response.


    "Fuck yeah!" he screams. "Jon so sexy, of course must bang lah! Jon ah, you there? Love you so much lah, bro! I''ll bang you any day!"


    We are both in tears from our laughter as Logan continues screaming, "Did I say the right answer for whatever game you''re playing? What are you two even doing together sia? Why never invite me?"


    "Bye lah, tell you later."


    Jon and I keep laughing for the next ten minutes. By the end of it, we lean again each other on the couch, sighing from exhaustion.


    "Okay," Jon mutters, "you know what? I think I may be, like, twenty percent gay."


    We burst into laughter again.

 15 | You Never Asked

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 24, 2014, Monday.


    I do not understand RJ.


    Before she left me to go back home, we were talking every day, becoming intimate, and even deciding to try out a relationship together. After she left, however, it was like she disappeared from the face of the Earth. She did not reply to my texts, she ignored my calls, and in school, she avoided me whenever I tried to approach her. She even told me she blocked me. To my face!


    I was stinging with grief and fury the entire week, wondering why she was doing this to me. Was it something I did? Did she realize that I''m not girlfriend-material after all? Was she put off by the nature of my job¡ªno, my ex-job? Yes, I listened to her and quit my job at Tropic Falls. I swallowed my pride and begged to get my previous bakery job back. I ignored my desperation for money and downgraded my pay¡ªand after all that, RJ just treated me like I did not exist.


    Worst of all, after a week of anger and confusion, RJ called me with an unknown phone number last Saturday morning. She sounded sluggish and dazed, as if she had drunk too much the night before, as if she had called me on a whim.


    I hung up on her and blocked the number. After all, she blocked me first. And I am not a plaything she can ignore and then get back to whenever she wants.


    Whatever game she is playing, I refuse to be a part of it.


    "Alright, I''m giving back the pop quiz we did last week," Ms. Goh announces, officially ending her class.


    I glare at the back of RJ''s head as she stands and helps Ms. Goh. She turns around to distribute the quizzes, casting me strange looks every so often.


    Stupid RJ. Stupid, idiot RJ. Why is she looking at me like that when she won''t even talk to me in school? What does she want? What is she playing at?


    "Hey, did you hear about RJ?" Stephanie whispers behind me.


    I stiffen. Stephanie sits with Jiahui and Edwin behind me and my friends, and they gossip a lot. I am never interested in their hearsay, but this particular topic catches my attention.


    "What, what?" Jiahui presses her. "Tell me, tell me!"


    "She broke up with Jon leh."


    "Oh shit, really?"


    "Yeah. And then last Friday, apparently she went on a date with another guy."


    "Already?"


    "How do you know sia?" Edwin asks.


    "I know the guy lah. He used to go to ACS with my older brother."


    "Oh, wow, rich school. RJ moved on so fast."


    "I know, right?"


    Thoughts spiral in my mind. A date. RJ went on a date with another boy. That''s why she has been avoiding me. That''s why she stopped texting me and blocked my number. And the unknown number she called me last Saturday, was that her new boyfriend''s number or something?


    I feel my chest constrict. RJ is a player. I got played. She played me. She took my virginity and then vanished from my life.


    She played me.


    I should have known. It''s not just my father, it''s not just men. Women are like this too. I can''t believe I fell into her trap.


    "Chloe."


    Emma''s voice jolts me back to Earth. I finally remember to breathe as I stare into her concerned eyes. "Y- Yes?"


    "You... okay?"


    I am barely holding it together, but I mutter, "Yeah."


    "Okay," Emma continues warily, handing me a piece of paper. "Here''s... your quiz, by the way."


    Nodding, I take the quiz and glance at it. Oh crap, I failed it. I should probably go over some of these questions with RJ later...


    No, wait. RJ and I are no longer talking.


    Tears accumulate in my eyes. Tears that have been waiting to come out for days, that I was holding back whenever RJ averted her head from me or walked the other way. Tears splatter on my quiz, and I let out a choked cry.


    "Chloe?" Emma''s voice rises in worry. "Chloe, it''s okay, it''s just a quiz lah. It''s only, like, one percent of our final grade, or something..."


    I know that, but it is not the quiz that is killing me.


    My vision is blurred, but I can still see everyone in class looking at me. Overwhelmed with shame, I jump out of my chair and bolt out of the classroom so fast that Ms. Goh cannot stop me before I leave.


    I''m not sure how long I ran, or how far I ran, but I eventually slump onto a grassy hill overlooking the field we always run in during PE. Sobbing into my knees, I feel two pairs of arms wrap around me.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "Chloe..." Emma huddles close next to me. She sounds as though she is going to cry as well. "It will be okay lah, Chloe..."


    "Yeah, it''s just a quiz," Adrian adds, slightly out of breath. "Remember how you failed all your quizzes last year too? And then you managed to pass by the end of the year?"


    "Yeah, it''ll be okay one lah," Emma agrees. "We''ll study together when midterms come around, okay?"


    I know, I know all that. But my results are not what''s eating at me, so I am still unable to stop crying.


    Emma and Adrian are kind enough to sit in silence as I cry. Their hands never leave me, and I appreciate the warmth they bring to me.


    Slowly, I calm down. There''s no need to be this upset over a stupid player like RJ when I have friends who will stand by me all the time.


    "Thank you, guys," I mutter. "I''m fine, I just- I just needed to cry a bit."


    Emma hands me a tissue for me to wipe my eyes.


    "Aiyo, look at you," she sighs as she watches me dab my face. "You want something to drink? Iced coffee?"


    I nod.


    "Okay." Emma stands up; the weight around my shoulders lightens by half. "I''ll be back."


    "Eh, I want Teh Bing," Adrian says.


    "Shut up lah, Adrian, I''m buying for Chloe only."


    My head hangs as heavily as my heart, but I know that Emma and Adrian must be sticking their tongues out at each other. As Emma walks away, Adrian pulls me closer, letting me rest my body against his.


    After a long while, he breaks the silence.


    "Hey, did something happen... between you and RJ?"


    I sit up. "How- How do you know?"


    "Well, you somehow managed to invite her to our study session, but then I don''t see you two talking at all. Sometimes, it looks like she''s trying to avoid you sia."


    My heart wrenches again. Even Adrian noticed that. "Yeah... She''s- She''s been avoiding me. I- I don''t know why..."


    Adrian frowns. "Hm. Is it because she broke up with Jon? She''s been avoiding everyone too. Like, she''s not even hanging out with her own clique anymore lor."


    "Oh, really?" I try to recall her interactions with her friends, but my mind draws a blank. I guess I did not take notice of anything beyond the fact that she was trying to avoid me.


    "Yeah. Jon has been trying to get close to her but she ignored him all last week lor," Adrian continues. "I don''t know, maybe the breakup took a toll on her."


    Guilt washes over me as I remember RJ mentioning she had a fight with Jon. I have been so upset by RJ''s sudden radio silence that I forgot about all her other issues. Maybe she has been having family issues too, maybe her family is telling her to avoid me. Even so, she should have still told me about it first...


    "Yeah, it probably did," I admit dejectedly. "She was also having some family issues too."


    "Oh." Adrian raises his eyebrows. "How do you know?"


    "She... uh, she told me lah." I tug at the hem of my skirt. "We, uh, met up over the weekend after our study session."


    "Oh? To... study more?"


    "Y- Yeah, something like that." Although we did not study at all. Not school work anyway. "Sorry that I didn''t invite you guys, I... uh, she was the one who came to find me. It was all last minute..."


    "Oh. Okay." Adrian turns away from me and stares out towards the field. A strange, indescribable expression shimmers behind his round glasses.


    Something about that expression twists my stomach into a nervous ball. "Don''t- Don''t think weird, okay? We''re not... She''s not... I''m not gay or anything..."


    His brows twitch. "Is there something wrong with being gay?"


    "N- No lah! That''s not what I meant!"


    "Good. Because I''m gay."


    My mouth drops. "What? You are?"


    He chuckles at my incredulous response and nods.


    "What..." My head is spinning with that information. I cannot believe that I did not know this about one of my closest friends. "How... What... When... When did you... figure it out..."


    Adrian shrugs. "Not sure leh. Maybe since like, primary one? My first crush was this boy I played catch with. He used to be so cute, but then he grew up homophobic."


    "Adrian, why... why didn''t you tell us?"


    "You never asked mah."


    "Oh... yeah." I lower my head. "I never thought... to ask. I never even ask myself these questions."


    Adrian seems to have gotten a hint from my statement. "Didn''t you just say you weren''t ''gay or anything''?"


    "S- Sorry, that was..." A lump grows in my throat, and I gulp it down. "I''m sorry, I didn''t know what came over me, I''m just... Well, actually, RJ and I... um, when we hung out last weekend, we- we kissed." And a lot more, actually...


    It is Adrian''s turn for his mouth to drop. "Seriously?"He throws his hands up. "Damn it lah, Chloe! I''m jealous sia! I also want to be kissed!" He pauses. "Wait, so then why is RJ avoiding you now?"


    My head lowers again. All traces of excitement vanish instantly. "I don''t know..."


    "Oh my god, I know lah! She''s a playgirl, right?" Adrian gasps, putting his arms around me again. "I''m so sorry, Chloe. No wonder you''re so upset lah. I knew you''re not the type to get this upset over failing a quiz. You''re not like Emma, you''re more of the never-mind-lah-I''ll-catch-up-later kind of student."


    My brows furrow. "Why do I feel like that''s an insult?"


    Adrian ignores my question. "Wait, wait, tell me. So, are you the person behind Jon and RJ''s breakup?"


    "I don''t think so. They were never actually together. RJ told me."


    "I knew it!" Adrian exclaims, a lot happier than I would have expected. "I knew they were faking it! I knew Jon is gay lah! Ah, I have a huge crush on him sia."


    I almost choke on my saliva. "What? Jon?"


    "Yeah, I mean, he was fake dating a lesbian, he must be gay lah¡ª"


    "No, but like Jon? Ew, Adrian." I pretend to gag.


    "Ew? What do you mean, ew? He''s cute what! Don''t judge me just because you''re not into boys now."


    "I''m not not into boys..." I mutter. My eyes wander towards the direction where Emma ran off to. "Hey, does Emma know? About... you?"


    "Nah. I never told her. She never asked mah."


    I frown. "But why would she ask?"


    Adrian gives me a cheeky wink. "Exactly."


    "Argh, Adrian..." I say with a small pout. Plucking the grass next to me, I muster up the courage to ask another question. "Do your... parents know?"


    "I never told them either. They never¡ª"


    "They never asked." I finish Adrian''s sentence exasperatedly.


    "Are you going to tell your mother?" Adrian turns the question on me.


    I stare at the torn grass in my hands. "I''m... I''m scared."


    "Your mother is literally the sweetest person ever."


    "I know lah. But I don''t know..."


    "Well, take your time lah. You don''t have to tell anybody else if you don''t want to. I mean, I haven''t told anybody else either."


    I nod before jokingly adding, "Because nobody asks?"


    He smiles. "Because nobody asks."


    We spot Emma jogging over with three cups of drink, and Adrian springs to his feet.


    "Ah, thank you, Emma!" he shouts, gluttony lighting up in his eyes.


    "Pay me back!" Emma shouts back as she approaches.


    Adrian chuckles. He extends a hand out to me and winks. "Ready to go back to class?"


    I nod and grab his hand. As I stand, a wide smile forms on my face. I feel as though a load has lifted off my mind.


    RJ is playing me, but so what? If her feelings for me were not real, then I am going to forget about mine for her. She can do whatever she wants, but I have friends who will not toss me aside like a plaything.


    My life will just resume the way it was, back to before she came into my life.


    No big deal.

 16 | Get A Job First

    <u>RJ</u>


    Feb 24, 2014, Monday.


    Chloe is crying.


    I halt handing out the quizzes to gape at the door where Chloe bolted out. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.


    She is crying.


    Why is she crying?


    The whole class freezes as well, until Emma and Adrian jump up from their seats and run forward.


    "Sorry, Ms. Goh, can we go and check up on her?"


    "Yeah, yeah, go, go!" Ms. Goh waves them away, looking as worried as they are.


    I wonder if I should follow them, but Ms. Goh gestures to the stack of paper in my hands. Clenching my teeth in frustration, I peel my eyes from the door and hand out the rest of the quizzes


    "Yo, what the hell?" Logan exclaims as he balances his chair on the last two legs. "What happened sia? Period? Cramps?"


    Huimin lets out an exasperated sigh. "Logan..."


    Audrey humors him, however. "She''s running so fast, I don''t think it''s cramps lah."


    The classroom breaks into eager chatters, and I can see Jon casting a knowing expression at me. My fists clench just as my heart does.


    Is Chloe crying because of me? I should have known that something was terribly wrong when the first thing Chloe did after receiving my call was to hang up and block the number. I thought that maybe she was just being cautious with unknown numbers, but what if she was too upset with me? What if our relationship was already over in her head?


    I need to find a way to talk to her.


    "Everyone, quiet down for your next class," Ms. Goh orders. "RJ, come help me bring the collected homework back to my office."


    I am more than willing to oblige¡ªmaybe I''ll get to find out where Chloe ran off to.


    As we walk down the corridor to Ms. Goh''s office, my eyes dart around the campus. I see no signs of Chloe or any of her friends. Worry eats at me, and I ask, "Ms. Goh, did Chloe... Did she do very badly on the quiz?"


    Ms. Goh peers at me through her glasses, her eyebrows raised. "Not too well. She must be having a hard time understanding molecular structure. It''s a topic that a lot of students struggle with." She sighs. "She was improving so much over the past few weeks too."


    Guilt weighs on my head as I lower my gaze. I want to help Chloe. I should be helping her. I want to visit her at her work again and help her with her homework. I want to stay over at her place and talk to her.


    But I can''t.


    I grip the pile of Chemistry homework to my chest as I recall Chloe''s tear-stained face. I hate this situation so much. Why is it so hard for me to be with her?


    "You know, she really needs to attend remedial lessons," Ms. Goh continues, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. "Have you tried convincing her to come to yours? If she can find time to attend them, it might help her out a lot."


    Ms. Goh had hinted a few times that I should get Chloe to come to remedial lessons, but I never did anything about that. After all, I was meeting with her regularly to tutor her. But now...


    An idea pops into my head. I cannot find Chloe in my free time anymore, but if I can get her to come to my remedial lessons, we can interact without suspicion.


    Hope rises like a balloon in me. "I will talk to her about it soon."


    We reach Ms. Goh''s office and I place the pile of homework on her table. I notice there are a lot more piles on her table¡ªthe same homework from her other classes.


    "Ms. Goh, do you need someone to help you grade?"


    Chuckling, she sits down and faces me. "Why leh? You want to take on more jobs?"


    "I don''t mind getting more pocket money."


    A small smile tugs at Ms. Goh''s lips. "I''ll think about it. Don''t work yourself too hard, RJ. I see you getting more and more tired by the day."


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    I shrug. I do feel very tired, but why should I, when Chloe is working harder than I am? "It''s okay lah. Life is supposed to get more difficult by the day, right?"


    Ms. Goh laughs again. "What a thing for a teenager to say." She winks at me. "But that''s not necessarily true. I''m much happier now compared to when I was in school. I''m doing what I love, I''m living for myself, and I''m much more comfortable just... being myself, you know?"


    Her last sentence yanks at me. That''s it. That''s exactly what I want in life.


    "I want that," I blurt. "I want that so bad."


    "Everyone does," Ms. Goh says with a serene smile. "You''ll get there."


    "I don''t know if I can. My parents are... I don''t know lah. It''s not going to be easy for me."


    Her eyes linger on me for a while. Then, she taps at the chair next to her. "Want to talk about it?"


    "You won''t get it one lah," I complain, but I slump into the seat anyway.


    Her brow raises. "Try me."


    "Well, okay. I hate my parents and I want to get away from them forever."


    Ms. Goh''s expression does not change. "I see," she states simply.


    "And I actually ran away from home a few weeks ago."


    Strangely, Ms. Goh still does not appear surprised by that. "Are you back home now?"


    I am at a loss for words. I was expecting a far greater reaction than this. "Yeah. Went back last week."


    "That''s good." She pushes up her glasses. "You''re just a kid, RJ. If you want to cut ties with your parents, I would suggest you do it only after you get a stable job."


    "Oh." Ms. Goh is my favorite teacher for many reasons, and one of them is how she''s always so unusually supportive in a way most teachers aren''t. "I wasn''t expecting you to support that."


    "Well, I have to, because I did the same."


    My mouth drops. "You did?"


    Ms. Goh nods. "I only go back home for Chinese New Year, and maybe during my sister''s birthday. Otherwise, I stay far, far away from my parents."


    It takes a while for me to process that information. Ms. Goh seems so responsible, so calm, so... adult. I didn''t realize adults also hated their parents.


    "Why leh?" I ask.


    "It''s just... exhausting, I guess." Ms. Goh folds her arms and leans back. "My parents... They have a set of expectations for me¡ªa set of expectations that society has in general, actually¡ªand I cannot fulfill them. I can''t become what they wish for me to become. It''s not a big deal to me, but it''s a huge issue for them. And they let me know that every single time they see me."


    "What kind of... expectations?"


    She pauses as she takes off her glasses to wipe them. "Marriage, I guess. Or at least, their idea of it. Society''s idea of it. I don''t have the same view of marriage, or relationships, or love, as the rest of my family. And in my early twenties, that''s all I would come home to¡ªmy parents nagging my ears off, blaming my personality, my character, refusing to accept my... choices. It''s exhausting."


    Ms. Goh is being cautiously vague, but it still sounds eerily like the situation I''m in.


    "I don''t hate them," Ms. Goh continues, "and I wish them well, but it''s honestly so freeing to move out and not be subjected to that all day, you know?"


    Recalling the week I spent away from home, I reply, "I know."


    She gives me a big smile. "So work hard, RJ. Work hard, do well in school, get a job, then move out. It might hurt at the start, but life is much better once you get to choose your own family."


    Choose my own family.


    I''ve never thought of that, and the idea warms my heart. If I get to choose, I''ll choose Ruimin, and Jon, and Lobang... and Chloe.


    I''ll definitely choose Chloe.


    My fists tighten into a determined ball. "That''s my plan, Ms. Goh. I''m going to work hard and get into a university overseas."


    "Oh? Where to? UK? US? Australia?"


    "Anywhere but here lah. Most probably the US though. I have some schools in mind liao."


    "That''s great. Just let me know if you ever need a recommendation letter."


    "Really? Thank you, Ms. Goh."


    "Of course." Ms. Goh puts her glasses back on and gives me a wink. "But don''t run away from home anymore, okay? Push through this one last year. I believe in you."


    I have to stop myself from groaning at the thought. "Yeah, okay..."


    "Alright, go now, go back to class." Ms. Goh shoos me away with her hands.


    Nodding, I stand and trudge towards the door.


    A question brews in my mind, and as my hand touches the door handle, I cannot help but let it out.


    "Ms. Goh?" I ask as I turn around. "So what kind of... idea do you have about marriage?"


    Ms. Goh rests her head on her hand as she thinks. "Let''s see... The kind of relationship I want in a marriage or partnership is... different from most people. Specifically, the only relationships I desire are platonic ones."


    "Huh? So just as friends?"


    "Depending on how you define it, yeah."


    I blink. "So, like, you don''t have sex?"


    The corners of her mouth raise just as her eyebrows do. "I don''t desire them, so not really."


    Huh. That is something I don''t think I can ever understand. "So how do you know if you love someone?"


    Ms. Goh looks exasperated at my question. "There''s more than sex in a relationship, RJ."


    "I- I know that..."


    My cheeks are heating up, and I must be letting my embarrassment show because Ms. Goh chuckles at my expression. "But honestly, it''s something I''m trying to figure out too. Love is very hard to figure out." She bursts into laughter suddenly. "Also, this is not a very appropriate conversation to have here. Go, go to your class now!"


    "Right. Sorry."


    I hurry out of her office and make my way back to the classroom. That was not a conversation I expected to have, but I''m glad Ms. Goh shared all that. I finally met a person who has successfully cut off ties with their parents, and that person is the teacher I respect the most.


    A new conviction grows in me. My parents suck, and the situation they force me into sucks, but they won''t be able to control my life forever.


    And once I''m free, I can do whatever the fuck I want.


    I am late for Econ class, but Mr. Lim does not scold me¡ªin fact, he is rather relieved I''m here. As I settle back in the seat, Jon leans over to me. "Dude, you took so long. Even Chloe got back before you."


    I glance behind. Chloe is sitting at her usual spot towards the back of the class. Her eyes are red and puffy, but at least she is smiling and talking to her friends now. I heave a small sigh of relief before turning back to Jon.


    "Jon, wanna do something to help me out?"


    "What?"


    "Come to my remedial lesson this Wednesday."


    He scowls. "Ew, why?"


    "Just shut up and come lah. I''ll tell you more after school."

 17.1 | Is this worth it?

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Feb 24, 2014, Monday.


    It''s been almost one week since I''ve restarted at BreadTalk, and my boss, Devan, has finally allowed me to help the team design the special item for the next month. This job is a lot more physically tiring than serving at Tropic Falls, but it still does not drain me as much. As I walk back home with a bag full of experimental pastries, my steps have a slight bounce to them¡ªa bounce that has been missing for a few months now.


    As much as I hate to admit it, RJ might be right in convincing me to change jobs. No, no, I should stop thinking about her again. She''s dead to me now.


    M¨¡ma is home when I get back. She is lying on the couch and massaging her eyes, but she sits up at the noise and lights up when she sees me.


    "Oh, Chiarong, j¨©n t¨©an hu¨ª la¨ª d¨¨ z¨£o ¨¤!" You''re back early today.


    "You''re back early too, M¨¡ma," I reply in Mandarin Chinese as I take off my shoes.


    "Yeah, lucky me." M¨¡ma flashes me a big grin as she taps on the space next to her. "Come sit next to me, dearest daughter, and tell me about your day."


    I suppress a sigh. Today has been a lot, but I don''t want to tell my mother that I left the classroom in the middle of the day and bawled for twenty minutes. Instead, I simply say, "Today was fine."


    M¨¡ma frowns. Her vision may be getting worse, but her keen perception of emotions is still as sharp as ever. "What''s wrong? You can tell M¨¡ma."


    Dropping my bag to the floor, I float to the couch and collapse into her extended hands. Where do I even begin to explain what is wrong? I decide to start small.


    "I failed my Chemistry quiz," I admit. "I''m sorry, M¨¡ma."


    M¨¡ma scoffs in an exaggerated manner. "That''s not something to be sorry about. As long as you try your best, I''m proud of you."


    That is my mother''s usual mantra for anything I do. I know it''s supposed to be encouraging, but I find myself slumping further into her arms.


    "I don''t think I did my best at all," I mutter. After all, what even is my best? I''m not focusing in class, I''m not earning as much money as I could with my new job, and I''m not doing well with my broken heart. Every aspect of my life is not at its ''best'', whatever that is.


    "Nonsense!" M¨¡ma chides, holding me tighter. "What you are doing right now is beyond your best. Way beyond. It hurts me seeing you work so hard like this, dearest daughter."


    The more my mother holds me, the more I bury into her. "It hurts me more seeing your eyes get worse."


    M¨¡ma sighs. I am ready to argue with her on this topic again, but she changes the subject instead. "Where''s your friend? Ruijun? Are you going to invite her over again?"


    My heart drops to my stomach. "She''s... Um, I don''t think she''ll be coming back," I say in the calmest possible voice. I am glad my face is planted against M¨¡ma''s chest because I don''t want her to see my expression.


    "Oh, that''s too bad. She was a nice girl, and you seemed to have a good time with her. I thought you''d bring her over more regularly."


    Memories from that weekend flood into my mind. I am suddenly remembering our baking adventures, the long grocery trips, the even longer nights... and I can''t help but let out a cry.


    M¨¡ma''s body tenses. "What''s wrong?"


    "Nothing, nothing..."


    "How can it be nothing?" Worry fills her voice and she tightens her embrace. "What''s wrong, Chiarong? You can tell me."


    Silence ensues as I contemplate what I should tell my mother. Finally, I sigh and say, "I''m just so stupid."


    "Aiyo, how can you say that?" M¨¡ma exclaims. "Chiarong, you''re the smartest, most hardworking, most thoughtful, most well-behaved daughter in the whole world."


    I sigh again as I sit up. "That''s just not true..." Before M¨¡ma can admonish me again, I add, "I- I think I like someone, M¨¡ma."


    Her brows furrow. "That''s okay. You''re seventeen going on eighteen. That''s normal."


    "But I shouldn''t have," I mutter, my voice cracking, "I liked someone I shouldn''t have..."


    The tone of my mother changes drastically. "Who broke my dearest daughter''s heart? Who made you this sad? Tell me, and Mama will give them a big slap in their face."


    Despite feeling like absolute crap, a laugh escapes my throat. "It''s my fault for falling so hard. I''m stupid."


    "Don''t say that again. You are not stupid."


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    "But I am. I don''t have time. I''m failing all my quizzes, I''m worried about your condition, I''m trying to earn money to help you, I- I don''t have time to be dating or liking anybody. I know all that, and yet I still let myself fall in lov..." The last word is stuck in my throat, and I gulp. That word is not to be used freely.


    M¨¡ma stares at me for a long time before she cries out to the sky, "Aiyo, Chiarong, you''re being so hard on yourself! You are not stupid at all to fall in love and feel the things you feel! You know who''s really stupid? Me."


    I gasp. "What? How can you say that? You are not stupid."


    M¨¡ma chuckles at the sudden role reversal. "Have I told you the story of your father?"


    The mere mention of my father ignites an age-old fury within me. "I don''t want to listen to any stories involving him," I huff. "He''s a bastard who left you. I''d rather hear stories about grandpa and grandma."


    "But I already told you everything I know about your grandparents."


    "And I''d rather listen to their stories a thousand times over that man''s. Grandpa and grandma didn''t leave each other."


    M¨¡ma half chuckles and half sighs. "Don''t be like this, Chiarong, he''s not all that bad."


    "He is! He left you!"


    "He did, but he was still very good to me." M¨¡ma''s sereneness wins me over, and I quieten to listen to her. "I met him when I was attending National Taipei University. I think I just turned twenty-two then. I was in the middle of my schooling, barely recovering from your grandparents'' passing, and barely keeping up with my studies. Those were the darkest times in my life, Chiarong, and I desperately needed some light¡ªany light¡ªto keep me going. I would have dropped out of college and ruined your grandparents'' last wishes for me if he hadn''t come into my life.


    "He was like a guardian sent to me by the angels in heaven. He was the Resident Assistant at my dorm, a sort of a mentor for people living in the dorms, and when he noticed I was missing classes, he extended his help to me. Soon, he was helping me in every aspect of my life. He helped me in my classes, helped me get my degree, helped me with my first interview, helped me secure my first job. And for many years, he was the only listening ear I had, the only person I trusted."


    I blink rapidly. M¨¡ma''s recount oddly resembles how I feel about RJ...


    "He- He sounds very kind..." I admit in a whisper.


    "He was." The moon''s reflection swims in M¨¡ma''s eyes as they glaze over. "We spent two years together in Taipei, two blissful years, and then his visa expired and he needed to go back to his home country, Singapore. I was in a dilemma about whether to follow him or not, but I soon found out I was pregnant with you. And that''s when I decided to follow him here. He actually welcomed me for a few months, he helped me settle some paperwork, helped me get this flat... and then, a few months before you were due, he disappeared from my life. I had to go through the pregnancy all by myself, in a foreign country."


    Any traces of warmth I had towards my father vanish. "Asshole," I spat.


    His resemblance to RJ once again shines through. Two assholes, abandoning me without another word, putting me through an emotional rollercoaster that I desperately want to get off.


    M¨¡ma laughs. "He is an asshole for doing that, but you know, he had given me many signs, Chiarong, many that I chose to ignore. Firstly, he had never committed to being with me. And when he first mentioned needing to move out of Taiwan, he told me not to follow him. He told me he had other plans, and he told me to stay in Taipei and start a life without him. I didn''t listen, well, because I was pregnant with his child, but also because I was just... young and stupid. Young me¡ªstupid me¡ªinsisted on loving him, insisted on following him, despite everything he told me."


    "Still an asshole," I insist with a pout. "You''re not stupid, M¨¡ma, he''s just an asshole."


    "Well, if I''m not stupid, then you''re not either." M¨¡ma pinches my cheeks. "None of us are stupid, Chiarong, love is just... difficult to figure out."


    My mind wanders back to RJ, back to our memories, back to the wave of emotions that wrecked me over the past few days. I close my eyes. "It really is so difficult..."


    "That''s love, that''s part of being human. And you know what? I don''t regret the difficulties it brings. If I were to replay my life, I''d pick all the same choices, and I''d live through that heartbreak again."


    I open my eyes and stare at my mother incredulously. "What? Why?"


    She squeezes my cheeks. "Because those are choices that gave me you."


    Tears well up in my eyes. "M¨¡ma..."


    "I wouldn''t trade the years spent with him for anything. Most of all, I wouldn''t trade the years I got to spend with you."


    "You had to take care of me all by yourself, why... why would you want to keep the experience of raising me..."


    "Because whenever you call me M¨¡ma, whenever we get to hug like this, whenever you confide with me with your problems, it''s like everything is worth it," M¨¡ma says as she wipes my tears away. "The biggest regret in my life is not your father, or coming to Singapore, or being pregnant without a husband. My biggest regret is that I am not earning enough money for you to enjoy your life, that I am forcing you to give up your youth for me. It''s my biggest failure as a mother."


    I shake my head so vigorously M¨¡ma''s hands fall away. "No! You''re the best M¨¡ma in the whole world."


    "And you''re the best daughter in the whole world." M¨¡ma chuckles as she smoothes my hair. "Look, love is hard, but it can be worth it. So don''t ever call yourself stupid for falling in love. Instead, tell me if someone breaks your heart. I will first find them and beat them up, then I will hug you all night long. I''m here for you, dearest daughter."


    Blinking my tears away, I take a good look at her. I always forget to observe my mother as closely as I should, and I always forget to notice how old she''s getting.


    Her black hair, peppered with silver strands, is short and neatly trimmed¡ªshe cut her own hair for years, and her experience shows. The wrinkles on her face have increased, especially those next to her forever-smiling eyes. Her slight hunch and half-closed eyelids are the only hints she ever shows about the fact that she''s done a century''s worth of work in her short lifetime.


    I have the best mother in the world, and everything I''ve worked for, all the exhaustion, all the hours spent in Tropic Falls¡ªand now BreadTalk¡ªare all worth it. So worth it.


    Maybe I understand what my mother is trying to say about love. It is difficult but worth it.


    "I like RJ," I blurt. "I- I like her, like, um, romantically."


    Her smile widens. "Silly girl, I could tell from the start."


    "And- And you''re okay with that?"


    "Of course. I just want you to be happy, and you seem so happy with her."


    My cheeks burn, and I lower my head to hide them. "Well, she''s... ignoring me right now."


    "Oh?" M¨¡ma scowls. "How dare she? Should I scold her for you?"


    Chuckling, I tease, "Maybe you should."


    "Okay, I''m coming with you to school tomorrow to knock some sense into her."


    "No, don''t do that!" I say in between my laughter. Then, I snuggle back into her arms. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"


    Her arms wrap around my body, and I feel like a child again.


    "Of course, dearest daughter."

 17.2

    Feb 26, 2014, Wednesday.


    "I can''t believe Ms. Goh is making remedial lessons compulsory for me," I grumble as I trudge down the corridor with Emma and Adrian. "Like, the point of remedial lessons is extra lessons, right? How can it be compulsory sia?"


    Yesterday, Jon stopped the three of us before we left for our lunch break to tell me that I needed to come to the remedial class this week, and I had to scramble with Devan to find a last-minute substitute for my shift. Just thinking about this causes a groan to escape.


    I know these extra lessons would help with my failing grades, but I really don''t have the time to go to them now.


    "You failed too many Chemistry quizzes lah," Adrian remarks. "But why am I going? My grades are just fine."


    "Aiyo, don''t complain and just come with us lah!" Emma chides as she wraps her hands around my arm protectively. Ever since my breakdown on Monday, Emma has been especially gentle towards me, giving me all the hugs and love that I am missing out on. "Do you want Chloe to go alone?"


    Adrian ignores Emma and continues his rant. "I shouldn''t be forced to do this sia. This is against my rights. This is illegal."


    Emma chortles. "Illegal? Sue me lah."


    "I am too broke to be suing anybody."


    "Even me?"


    "Especially you."


    Snorting with laughter, I push open the door to the classroom Jon told me about¡ªand my face falls.


    RJ is in the room.


    She is perched on top of the teacher''s desk with her legs propped up on a table as she talks to Jon and Logan sitting opposite her. Her skirt is hiked up such that almost all of her thighs are showing¡ªher strong, muscular thighs. My heart skips a beat before returning with a vengeance, thrashing about violently.


    I turn on my heels. Emma and Adrian are both already inside and have closed the door behind them. When they spot the other three people in the classroom, Emma is slightly confused while Adrian raises his eyebrows.


    "We should go," I say quickly.


    "Chloe, wait!" RJ calls, hopping down from the desk. "I just want to talk."


    She just wants to talk? She was the one who blocked me first! Anger rises in me and I spin around to face her.


    "Is there even a remedial lesson?" I snap.


    Jon and Logan move aside like the Red Sea, letting RJ walk towards me hesitantly.


    "There is," she mutters. "It''s just... in thirty minutes and... in another room."


    "Is it even compulsory?"


    "No..."


    "So you lied to me?"


    "Chloe, I just wanted to¡ª"


    "Don''t tell me you just want to talk!" I cut her off. I can feel every pair of eyes in this room staring at me, drilling holes into my face, but I don''t care. I can''t let RJ play with my emotions like this again, I just can''t. "Is this some kind of game you''re playing? I''ve been trying to talk to you all last week, but you blocked me. And then you avoid me everywhere in school, like, what? You don''t think I''m cool enough to be seen with you?"


    "What? No! Why would you think that¡ª"


    "Why would I not think that? You''re only nice to me when we''re alone! You talk so much about wanting to be with me, about wanting to be my girlfriend, but then the moment we are in school, it''s like I don''t even exist! I changed my job for you leh, and I... I even let you take my... Argh, I can''t believe it! And now you''re ignoring me, and dating other people, and then using their phone to call me? What, am I just a toy you''re embarrassed to be seen publicly with?"


    I am shouting my lungs out at RJ, and she looks as though she is slapped across the face by my every word.


    "Chloe, I¡ª"


    "I don''t want to hear any of your stupid excuses lah! Not after you just abandoned me."


    RJ is now standing right in front of me, her face contorted with guilt. Just seeing her so up close sends my mind into a spiral and I falter back a step.


    "Chloe, please, hear me out," she pleads as she reaches her hand out. "I was genuinely trying to¡ª"


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    Adrian steps between us, slapping RJ''s hand away. "Don''t you dare touch her lah. Haven''t you done enough to hurt her already?"


    Emma''s hands wrap around my shoulders as well. "I''m not sure what happened but I agree!"


    I tighten my hand around Emma''s and give her an appreciative smile.


    "Hurt her?" RJ barks. "What the fuck are you talking about?"


    "You know what I''m talking about," Adrian says adamantly.


    "No, I don''t, and you clearly don''t know shit either. Move!"


    Despite the fierceness in RJ''s eyes, Adrian remains an unrelenting wall between us. "Leave her alone lah. Go away."


    "You get the fuck away!" RJ lunges towards him, seizing him by his collar and shoving him to the side.


    And the classroom erupts into chaos.


    Logan is the first to react.


    "Yo, yo, yo, stop that!" he shouts as he bounds across the room and yanks RJ away from us. RJ tries to struggle, but Logan is much stronger than her and he easily drags her all the way to the other side of the classroom.


    I ignore the screaming match that ensues between RJ and Jon as Emma and I rush over to Adrian. RJ pushed him with so much force that he is now crumpled on the ground next to the wall.


    "Oh my god, Adrian, are you okay?" Emma asks, sounding as though she is about to cry.


    "I''m fine lah..." Adrian mumbles, but I can tell he is traumatized.


    Emma helps him up while I adjust his tilted glasses. He grunts his appreciation and rubs the back of his head. Wincing, he adds, "I think I''m fine. I hope I didn''t get, like, a concussion sia..."


    As Emma continues to fuss over him, fixing his collar and smoothing his clothes, blood boils inside me. I cannot believe RJ pushed Adrian so hard. That was unforgivable. Everything she''s done, to Adrian, to me, is unforgivable.


    Clenching my teeth, I turn back to RJ, ready to yell at her again¡ªbut my heart drops at the scene.


    RJ is crying.


    Her body is slouched against Logan''s, lurching as she sniffs.


    My anger dissolves into shock and pain. RJ is the last person on Earth I''d imagine crying. I have never seen her look this... depressed. Helpless.


    What happened? The last thing I remembered was RJ and Jon screaming at each other, but I wasn''t sure what they were screaming about.


    "Calm the fuck down lah, RJ!" Jon commands. He lifts her head up with both hands as though it is going to roll onto the ground any minute. "Clear your fucking head!"


    "I fucked up, Jon, I fucked it all up," RJ sobs. Her every word, soft as they are, pierces through my heart like a dagger.


    "So? Go fix it lah!"


    "How? She hates me now, Jon."


    "Just calm the fuck down first, can?"


    Their exchange freezes the insides of my gut. I was so consumed in my own hurt that I rebuffed every attempt RJ made to talk to me. I pushed her away, like she did to me.


    "Calm down and talk to her, ''kay?" Jon says, dropping his hands¡ªRJ''s head drops too. He walks to me. "Hey." He glances at Adrian. "I apologize for her. You okay, Adrian?"


    Adrian gives him a meek nod. Jon lets out a breath of relief and then looks at me. "Chloe, can you please go talk to her? I know you''re upset and she''s in the wrong for getting violent, but she''s been feeling like shit recently. I think you two need to talk it out."


    No longer enraged, I agree with a nod. Logan pulls away from RJ and we exchange places¡ªRJ and I at one end of the classroom, everyone else at the other end.


    "Hey, RJ," I mutter. It pains me to look at a tear-stricken RJ, so I keep my head lowered.


    It takes her a while to be able to speak properly again. When she does, her voice is strained. "Chloe, I''m... I''m sorry, I didn''t mean to hurt you like this. I didn''t want to avoid you lah."


    "So... why are you avoiding me then?"


    "Because..." She wipes her face with her sleeves and lets out an exasperated sigh. "Because my mother is a control freak lah. She is checking my phone, she has my chauffeur picking me up everywhere I go, and I am sure she has eyes in the school to keep watch on me. I don''t know who else is going to run to her and ruin my fucking life yet again lah. And if she finds out about you, I don''t know what she''ll do. And I really don''t want anything more to happen. I''m already in so much shit lah..."


    Her mother. I''ve never met her, but she always seems to be the cause of all of RJ''s problems.


    "What- What kind of shit?" I ask with a whisper.


    "She''s fucking arranging a date for me every weekend lah." She sees the way I flinch at the word ''date'', and quickly adds, "I don''t give a shit about the stupid dates, Chloe. I want to be with you. But my mother is controlling as fuck, and I swear if Singapore was kinder to arranged marriages, she would fucking do it lah."


    My heart sinks. "That''s terrible. Why is she doing that?"


    "Family image. Company politics. Lame shit like that lah. I know I should''ve told you about all this earlier, Chloe, but when I tried to call you using a spare phone, you... uh, hung up on me."


    "Oh, yeah..." I take out my phone and open the Contacts app. The unknown number from last Saturday is still at the top of my recent call history. "Sorry, RJ, I... I thought..."


    "It''s okay. Can you... unblock the number, please? I miss talking to you."


    I nod. It is as easy unblocking the number as blocking it was. Tears blur my vision. I have been so upset that I let my assumptions take over my thoughts. But all this time, RJ has been suffering in silence. She never actually abandoned me.


    "I''m sorry, RJ," I say again. "I... I didn''t know."


    "Don''t apologize, it''s all my fault lah. If you hate me now, I will understand. But... let me help you, at least. Please. Let me share your burden."


    RJ takes out an envelope from her pocket. Frowning, I pocket my phone and take the packet. It''s heavy, a lot heavier than that envelope of tip money at Tropic Falls. Ever since telling her off about that, RJ has not given me another large tip like that again.


    "RJ," I whisper exasperatedly, "why are you giving me so much money again?"


    "I earned it to help your mother. To help you. Let me share your burden. I''m hiring you to come to my remedial lessons, okay?" She takes a hesitant step closer toward me. "Please, Chloe, let me buy your time to take a few shifts off and come to my remedial lessons. Let me help you lah, Chloe."


    I lower my head and clutch the envelope to my chest. The tears in my eyes are streaming down my face. I don''t know what to say. Once again, RJ is putting my emotions on the craziest roller coaster in the world.


    "You idiot," I choke. "Why are you doing this lah?"


    My heart is melted into a puddle by the time RJ grabs one of my hands and holds it between hers. "Because I miss you mah," she says, her voice as gentle as her caress on my palms. "And this is the only way I can think of to spend time together without anyone suspecting anything. I want to help you, and also be with you, Chloe. I still want to be your girlfriend, no matter how difficult it will be, no matter how secretive we need to be. So, can I buy your time, Chloe? Come to remedial lessons?"


    She plants a soft kiss on my knuckles. "Please, with a cherry on top?"

 17.3

    RJ peers up at me, lips on my hand, her question hanging in the air between them. I am still reeling from her heartfelt speech, and as her lips part from me, a faint gasp escapes my throat. I feel a shudder running from my fingers to my body, while blood rushes up to my cheeks.


    I manage to croak, "Of- Of course I will lah..."


    RJ''s puffy eyes light up.


    "Just don''t ignore me like that again," I add. "At least give me a sign, or- or get someone to tell me, or something lah."


    She nods solemnly. "I promise. I learned my lesson. I will tell you when things are happening." Still grasping my hand, she pats me on my hip¡ªthe side of my school uniform that holds my phone¡ªand smiles. "But I can text you now."


    "Finally lah." A pout grows on my lips. "I have so many messages I sent to your phone that I have to resend now sia."


    RJ extends her hand to wrap it around my waist. "Send them again. I''ll read them all."


    I cannot help but chuckle. "Not all lah, some of them are homework questions."


    "I can help with that. I can call you to explain too if you want."


    "The homework was submitted already lah. Already failed them liao."


    "Oh. Sorry."


    "Why are you apologizing? It''s my fault for not paying attention in class lah. Also, my mother is going to scold you for making me cry."


    Fear flashes across RJ''s eyes. "Oh, shit, seriously?"


    I chuckle again. "Kidding lah. So when are your remedial lessons held?"


    "Every Wednesday, this time, lecture hall four."


    "Lecture hall four?" I groan. I should''ve known that they are held in a larger location, not this small, hidden classroom. I should''ve known Jon was lying.


    Then again, I would''ve missed this much-needed reunion with RJ if I had known all that.


    "Okay, I can talk to Devan to get those days off my schedule permanently," I say.


    "Your boss at your new job?"


    I nod. "You should visit me one of these days. I am in charge of coming up with the specials sometimes."


    "I''ll try. How are you liking it?"


    "It''s nice... Well, no, I love it a lot actually. I... I think it was a really good decision."


    "Good. I knew you''d be happier."


    As RJ''s smile widens, I notice the bags under her swollen eyes. I pull my hand away from hers to caress them. "RJ, how many classes are you teaching?"


    "A couple."


    My brows furrow. I don''t know exactly how much RJ is working, but I know that what she''s doing requires her to do tons of prep work in her free time. And on top of all that, she has her regular schoolwork and extracurriculars, which she clearly cares a lot about.


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    "Don''t work yourself too hard, can?" I mutter.


    "But I have to lah. And I want to."


    I let out an exasperated sigh. Stubborn fool. Is this how my mother feels?


    "I can''t believe you lah." I shake my head. "You''re doing all this just to secretly hang out with me in your lessons sia. Is this even worth it?"


    "Of course it is. It will be. No matter how difficult it is, it will be worth it one. I believe it."


    My heart warms and crumbles at the same time. "RJ..."


    Tears stream down my face, and RJ quickly wipes them away. "I mean it, okay?" she says, her thumb lingering at my cheeks.


    Then, she leans forward to kiss me.


    Finally, a kiss. After so many days, I finally get another kiss from RJ.


    I close my eyes, enthralled by the feeling of her lips against mine, her passion, the taste of her.


    When we part, the room is too silent for my liking. Oh, crap. Talking to RJ made me forget that there are other people in the room. Emma, Adrian, Jon, and Logan are at the other end of the classroom, but their conversations have ceased. My face heats up and I pull away from RJ.


    "Why did you kiss me?" I groan.


    "Sorry." The little smirk on her face shows that she isn''t sorry, however. She clears her throat. "Okay, let''s all go to the remedial lesson now."


    I give everyone an abashed glance as we walk toward them. Emma is avoiding my eye contact, her face flushed red, while Adrian makes an exaggerated gagging gesture. Jon and Logan, on the other hand, have a strange amused look in their eyes... Wait, were they enjoying it?


    "Dude, that''s hot," Logan remarks, earning a smack in the head from both Jon and Adrian.


    RJ raises her eyebrows. "Not upset anymore that I stole your crush?"


    I blink. What? Logan had a crush on me?


    "Aiya, what to do? By now I''m used to all the best girls being gay liao lor."


    "Good to know I''m one of the best girls."


    "Oh, not you though."


    While RJ and Logan banter back and forth, I fearfully turn to my friends. I admitted to so much during my outburst, and I am not sure how they are taking it. Adrian is as nonchalant as ever, but Emma... She is wearing a frown. Fear grips me. I have not told her about my relationship with RJ, and I am afraid of what she''s going to say...


    "Eh, Chloe, I didn''t know we could buy your time to hang out lor," Emma says. "That''s not fair. I want to chip in too."


    I blink. That is not what I expected to hear. Relief fills me, followed by another wave of panic as I process what she said. "Emma, no. Don''t you dare give me money."


    "But we haven''t hung out properly in so long, Chloe."


    "I- I know, but you need the money too lah."


    Emma is about to counter with an argument of her own when RJ interjects, "You should come to the remedial lessons too, Emma."


    "Oh." Emma takes a few seconds to consider. "Yeah, you know what? Sure. I kinda need to go anyway."


    "You too, Adrian." RJ shifts her feet. "Um, sorry for pushing you just now by the way."


    Adrian shrugs. "It''s alright."


    Emma turns to Adrian and beams. "So you gonna go also?"


    "No," is his deadpan answer.


    Emma slaps him on his arm. "Oi! Just come lah! Come with me so I don''t end up being a third wheel leh!"


    "But I don''t need to!"


    "What else do you even have to do? Stop watching anime and go to remedial lessons with me lah!"


    Logan and Jon pop into the scene just as Emma is wringing Adrian''s arm mercilessly.


    "Eh, you two going for RJ''s remedial lesson?" Logan asks excitedly. "Same! I''m failing!"


    "No, I''m doing really well in school," Adrian insists.


    "Jon also, but he''s going too!"


    "Wait, I am?" Jon asks incredulously.


    "Of course you are. Shut up and come lah," RJ chimes in, and that stops any further argument from him.


    "Oh." Adrian''s eyes widen behind his glasses. A small smile tugs on his lips. "Okay then, I''ll go too."


    RJ turns to me. "Ready to go?"


    I nod, clutching the envelope that RJ gave me. It is as heavy as the load that left my mind. "RJ, thank you... for everything."


    She gives my hand a squeeze. "Let''s go lah, n¨· p¨¦ng y¨¯u."


    Girlfriend.


    My heart flutters at the words. I watch as RJ marches out of the classroom with everyone else, as she goes back to her cool, confident posture, and her fierce, intense expression.


    She calls me her girlfriend, but we have to sneak kisses in classrooms and talk using secret phones. I have never envisioned our relationship to be like this. Then again, I have never envisioned ever being in a relationship with RJ. Is this normal? Is this what a relationship should be like?


    Is being with RJ worth all this trouble? Am I wasting RJ''s time?


    "Chloe?" Emma asks, jolting me back from my thoughts. "You okay?"


    "Yeah..."


    I notice RJ looking back at me as well. Her eyes are still a little swollen, and they are now filled with concern. She mouths the same question. My heart flutters again.


    This relationship may be strange and difficult, but as RJ said¡ªas my mother said¡ªit''ll be worth it. It has to be.


    "Yeah," I say again, this time with a lot more conviction. "Yeah, I am."

 18.1 | You are worth it.

    <u>RJ</u>


    Mar 19, 2014, Wednesday.


    A few weeks have passed since Chloe started coming to my remedial lessons regularly. While they were not as fun and intimate as the times we spent studying in the bar, I still treasure every moment I get to spend with her.


    Whenever there was downtime for people to attempt the practice questions, I would walk over to Chloe and hover around her¡ªeven holding her hand sneakily whenever I could. It helped that my friends always sat close to her so this didn''t draw too much attention; there''s nothing strange about me always hanging around Jon, Logan, and the rest of my friend group.


    Today, the usual gang is here¡ªChloe, Emma, Adrian, Jon, and Logan are clustered together on one side of the lecture hall. It''s one week after our first set of exams of the year, so they must have more time to show up.


    As usual, Chloe situates herself on the side so I can easily talk to her during my downtime.


    "RJ!" She flashes me a wide grin as I approach. "I managed to get a B for Chemistry leh!"


    My heart flutters in my chest. She is so cute when she''s happy.


    Glancing around the spacious room, I see that most students have their heads deep in their notebooks. The nearest group of people other than our friends are three rows away. Carefully, I sit down on the steps next to Chloe.


    "Good job, Chloe," I say with a small smile.


    Chloe beams at me like the ball of sunshine that she is. "Emma and Adrian did well too, they both got A''s. You really helped us leh, RJ, thank you. Well, not so much Adrian lah, he always gets A''s one."


    "It''s all you guys lah." I shrug. "I couldn''t have done much. Lobang is still failing."


    That idiot is on his phone instead of doing his practice questions. When I have the chance, I will smack him in the head.


    Chloe shakes her head. "No lah, you are a really good teacher. I didn''t do as well in my other subjects."


    I raise my eyebrows. "Oh? How did you do?"


    Her smile turns to a chagrined pout. "Oh. Uh, I didn''t fail them?"


    I cannot help but chuckle. "Okay lah, good job anyway. Now let''s try to get all A''s by the end of the year, ''kay?"


    "Yeah." Chloe sighs. "I''ll try lah..."


    "You''ll be able to, we still have months to go. Oh, yeah." I look around to confirm that no one is watching before I take out a small envelope from my pocket. "Got you something extra by the way. That stupid Sean Huang bought me some expensive watch, but I don''t even wear watches lah. So I returned it to the store. You can have the money."


    Chloe furrows her brows. "RJ, you should have returned it to him..."


    "Nah. He gave it to me so it''s mine to decide." Sensing her further displeasure, I add, "I told him from the start not to give me anything hor. I can''t help it if he keeps doing it."


    Brows still furrowed, she gives me a wry smile. "Once the surgery is over, I''ll buy you a gift too..."


    "Oh? Do you know when it''ll be?"


    "Yeah, we scheduled the appointment recently. I finally have enough money to convince her to do it."


    I can see the relief in Chloe''s eyes. There is still a veil of worry but she''s happier. Lighter. More hopeful. I scan the room before giving her hand a quick squeeze.


    "That''s awesome," I say. "When is it?"


    "Mid-August."


    "Oh... that''s a long time away."


    Chloe chuckles at my response. "That''s how it is mah. We also don''t have the full amount ready anyway. But at least this means there''s an end in sight. It... It''ll be over soon." She glances at me. "And you also won''t need to work so hard anymore."


    The first thing on her mind is my workload, not hers. Silly girl. How I wish I could pull her into a hug right now. Instead, I have to keep my distance while avoiding potential eavesdroppers.


    Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    "And after that, I can finally focus on just studying," Chloe continues with a sigh. "Then maybe I can actually do well in A levels and get into a university."


    That''s right, A levels and... university applications. A pit drops in my stomach as I recall my conversation with Chloe when I stayed over at her place. The girl is so bogged down by work, by her mother''s health problems, by everything in life, that she does not have time to think about her plans for after JC. I promised to help her figure it out, but a part of me wants to just beg her to follow me wherever I want to go.


    "Have you... thought about what universities to apply to?" I ask.


    She blinks, taken aback by the sudden question. "I don''t know leh... I mean, I don''t know if I have the luxury to even think about it. I''m still trying not to fail sia." She gulps as she looks at me nervously. "What about you? You... You still want to go overseas?"


    Clenching my teeth, I force myself to nod. It has never pained me so much to acknowledge this goal of mine.


    Chloe looks as troubled as I am. "RJ, I... I want to be with you. But if you''re going overseas... I don''t know lah, I don''t know if I can follow you..."


    Chloe''s voice is a soft whisper that warms my heart while stabbing it at the same time. I want to be with her too, so, so much. I hate how I cannot even act freely around Chloe right now, and I can''t imagine how much more it would suck to not be with her at all.


    "Chloe, why can''t you go overseas too?"


    Her frown deepens. "I can''t afford it lah..."


    "You can get a scholarship." I sit up, suddenly energized. "I can help you with that. I know Ms. Goh keeps a list of past students who applied for scholarships and stuff, and also a list of currently available scholarships. I can ask her for that list. I can also scout around to find out more. You can get a scholarship and go overseas, Chloe."


    Chloe stares at me, her eyes a mix of unease and bewilderment. "RJ, I''m- I''m not good enough for a scholarship lah... I''m barely passing my classes."


    "You are. You will be. I can help you with your personal statement, with your interview, with everything. I''ll make sure you get it." Speaking of that, I need to get those settled for myself too.


    Chloe averts her eyes from me as she wrings her pen. "I- I don''t know lah, RJ," she whispers. "I''ve never thought about going overseas before. I''m not... I''m not sure..."


    "Think about it, please?" I beg. My eyes dart around the lecture hall before I lean towards her and lower my voice. "I''d love to be with you, to explore the world with you, Chloe. Please think about it?"


    Chloe looks as though she is about to burst into tears. I understand why she''s hesitant¡ªshe has a wonderful mother, unlike the spawn of the devil that is mine. And her mother currently needs her. Silence falls between us.


    Someone across the lecture hall waves their hands at me, asking for help. With a heavy sigh, I stand up and walk over to the person, making sure to pass by Logan and smack him in the head.


    As I help the rest of the class out with the practice problems, I sneak a peek at Chloe occasionally. Her brows are furrowed while her eyes are dazed. Whatever cheerfulness she had at the start of this remedial lesson is gone now.


    My mood sinks. I want a world in which I can be with Chloe openly, but that future seems so far away now. So, so far away.


    Ms. Goh was right¡ªlove is very hard to figure out.


    Thoughts spiral in my head through the entire remedial lesson. It is late in the evening when it ends. As I''m packing up, my friends approach me and I notice Logan and Chloe hugging. I must have looked ready to kill because Logan sees my expression and immediately holds both his hands up in surrender.


    "Yo, yo, yo, don''t hit me ah! Chloe hugged me, okay? She hugged me!"


    "Stop bothering her lah," I snap.


    "I wasn''t! I swear!"


    Chloe places her hand on my arm. "He''s helping me lah, RJ." There are tears in her eyes, and my face softens. "He got a bunch of our classmates to donate to help me..."


    My mouth drops and I stare at Logan, who is scratching his head awkwardly. "Lobang, you never told me you were doing this."


    "Aiya, just thought I should help mah. Jon, Emma, and Adrian helped too."


    "It was mainly his idea lah," Jon says.


    Emma and Adrian nod in agreement.


    I knew Lobang could be a sweet guy, but I still did not expect this. He deserves the hug from Chloe, that''s for certain.


    "Wanna get dinner together tonight?" I ask him.


    "Finally lah!" Logan tosses his hands up. "You''re so fucking busy these days, we haven''t hung out in so long sia."


    "Yeah lah, yeah lah, so you coming or not?" I turn to the rest of the group. "Wanna all go? We can eat at McDonald''s? Or whatever you want."


    Everyone nods, but Chloe excuses herself to the bathroom. She looks deep in thought as she walks, so I follow her.


    I wait by the sink for her quietly, the guilt slowly settling into me. Maybe I shouldn''t have brought overseas colleges up and stressed her out like this. After all, most people don''t like to leave the country they grew up in, and I can imagine this is especially so for Chloe, who has a godsend of a mother here.


    Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and applied wherever Chloe is going to apply. It would have made things easier for us. Sure, I would be stuck near my parents for college, but I''ve survived my situation for seventeen years, what''s four more?


    As Chloe comes out of the stall and washes her hands, I stare at her for a while, thinking through my words.


    "Chloe," I say finally, "please don''t be stressed about applying overseas or to a scholarship, okay? I''m sorry I pushed you earlier, but if you just want to stay in Singapore, that''s okay with me. I''ll stay too."


    Chloe frowns as she dries her hands. "But you said it''s always been your dream to go overseas."


    "I mean, yeah, but..." I shrug. "I have a new dream now, I guess. I''d rather be with you."


    Chloe lowers her head. "That''s a lot to sacrifice, RJ..."


    "It''ll be worth it lah," I insist. "You are worth it."


    "No one is worth you sacrificing this much." She stares at the mirror for a while before letting out a long sigh. "Give me- Give me some time to think about it, okay?"


    "Okay." I lift my hand and caress her cheek. "I just want to be with you lah."


    She turns to look at me. "Me too."


    I stroke her face a few more times before wrapping my hand around her neck to pull her in. And for the first time in weeks, we kiss.

 18.2

    A/N: This chapter gets... steamy. Feel free to skip to the second part of this chapter for a fade-to-black effect!


    ---


    The more we kiss, the more vigorous we become. I knew I missed Chloe, but I never imagined myself to have missed her this much. My tongue devours hers as I tug on her neck, pulling her as close to me as possible. My other hand travels around the rest of her body, itching to get under the stupid school uniform.


    Fuck, I''ve missed her. I''ve missed her so, so much.


    Chloe''s hands are all over my hair and torso. When her back bumps into the sink, she hops up to sit on it. I advance further, pinning her against the mirror, while her legs wrap around me, urging me on.


    I break away from her lips to kiss the soft skin of her neck. She welcomes it by burying her fingers into my hair.


    "RJ..." she whispers. Her warm breath sends tingles down my spine. "I miss you... like crazy."


    Chuckling, I lift my head to kiss her on her lips again. "You miss me, or you miss this?" My hand slides under her skirt and finds the radiating warmth between her legs.


    Chloe gasps. "Both lah!" she breathes out, tilting her head backward with pleasure.


    I let out a low growl of laughter before increasing the pressure on her clit. She gasps again, and I can see the corners of her mouth tilting upwards. Best of all, I can see myself in the mirror, smiling along with her, and there''s something about that that drives me wild.


    "You like that?" I ask.


    "Yes!" She tugs at my clothes and arches her back. "More!"


    I comply, peeling the fabric of her panty to the side and sliding my fingers into her. Her head rolls along the mirror as she moans, and I relish in her expression¡ªher opened mouth, knitted brows, and half-closed eyes.


    God, she''s fucking beautiful.


    "You''re so fucking wet sia," I tease.


    "That''s... how much... I miss you...." Chloe says in between her breathless, euphonic moans.


    I laugh. "I miss you more."


    Chloe does not reply. She can''t reply, too busy feeling me, enjoying me, and clinging onto me for dear life¡ªand I pride myself for that.


    I delve into her. I kiss her neck, her mouth, her collarbone, her eyelids, everywhere my lips can find, as I thrust deeper and deeper into her. The rhythmic, squelching noise interjected with Chloe''s cries is music to my ears. Her hips grind against me as she moans louder and louder, as if she wants this more than me, as if she needs this.


    God fucking damn it, I love her so much.


    I continue to slam my fingers into her. There''s no one around so I''m finally letting it all out¡ªall the stress, the pent-up frustration, the overwhelming lust I have had to shove away for weeks.


    Her nails dig into my back as she reaches closer to climax, but I hardly take notice of the pain¡ªher raspy pleas and writhing body are all that I care about. She''s a fucking beautiful angel that deserves heaven, and I am going to get her there.


    She lets out one last cry as she finishes, and I take in everything about her at that moment. Coming back down from the high, she slumps onto my shoulders, heart hammering against me.


    "Oh my god," she whimpers, "I was so loud. What if someone heard me?"


    "No one heard it lah," I assure her, giving her a soft peck on the cheek. "We''re far away from the lecture hall."


    She pushes out a weak smile and lowers her head again. "I really miss you lah..." she admits.


    I sigh. "I miss you too."


    My phone buzzes in my pocket. Giving my fingers a quick rinse under the tap, I take it out. It''s Logan.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    I answer the call. "What lah?"


    Chloe smoothes her clothes and hair as she looks at me curiously.


    "Why are you two taking so long to pee sia?" Logan complains. "Pooping ah? Hurry up lah!"


    "Okay, okay, wait lah." I hang up on him and give Chloe a sheepish smile. "I guess they''re waiting for us. Let''s go?"


    "Oh... But I haven''t, you know..." She tugs on her skirt. "Returned the favor..."


    "Next time lah. Come on."


    She nods and jumps off the sink. There is a slight hesitation before she yelps.


    "What?" I ask.


    "RJ! My panties! You tore it!"


    Indeed, there is a thin, black piece of fabric on the floor so misshapen that I cannot even tell it was underwear. I must have pulled on it too hard and ripped it.


    "Ah, shit, sorry." I quickly take out the shorts that I always wear under my uniform. They''re useful for my mobility in these skirts, and now they''re also useful for whenever I accidentally tear Chloe''s panties, I guess. "Wear this instead?"


    Chloe''s face is flushed red as she puts it on. "I cannot believe this..."


    "Sorry, I''ll be more careful next time."


    "It''s- It''s okay."Her face becomes even redder, if possible, as she tosses her underwear in the trash. "RJ, about the overseas school thing... I''ll... I''ll think about it, okay?" she mumbles. "I just... need to ask my mother first."


    I reach out and grab her hand. "Just do whatever''s best for you. No stress lah, okay?"


    "Okay... Thank you, RJ..."


    "Let''s go lah."


    And then, hand in hand, we walk out of the restroom into the near-empty campus.


    ---


    Mar 22, 2014, Saturday.


    My chauffeur pulls up next to the mall. Chloe told me the bakery she works at is inside here. I haven''t been able to see her on the weekends for a while now, and I am tingling with excitement.


    Grabbing my shopping bags, I climb out of the car.


    "Should I park and come with you, Miss Shin?" the chauffeur asks.


    "No need lah, just getting something for Ruimin. Wait here, it''ll be quick."


    He nods, but his brows furrow in worry. My mother has given him the job of following me around every weekend, and it has not been fun for either of us. To make his job easier, I try to give him a good excuse for going anywhere. Ruimin did really well in a competition recently, so I''m using that as an excuse today to hit the malls and buy him something.


    I see a bakery right in front of the mall entrance. It''s as small as a pop-up store, and other than a blonde girl at the counter, there isn''t anybody else. That''s weird¡ªwhere''s Chloe?


    "Hey there." I walk up to the cashier.


    She sits up and gives me a smile. "Hey! How can I help you?" There is something about her voice that sounds oddly familiar, but I can''t quite place it.


    "Is Chloe here?"


    "Chloe?" She blinks, taking a moment to register what I''m asking. "Oh. You''re... You mean, like, Chloe Lee, right?"


    "Yeah."


    She stares at me for a long time with a strange, wary expression. Then, pushing her bleached hair off of her shoulders, she says in a low voice, "I don''t think she works here."


    "Oh." I scratch my head. Chloe did not tell me the name of the bakery she is working at, so maybe it''s not this one. "Is there another bakery in this mall?"


    "Yeah. BreadTalk is on the second floor."


    "Oh, okay. Thank you."


    Following the direction of the girl''s finger, I jog up the stairs. Indeed, there is a much larger bakery on the second floor. It looks like all the customers skipped the first bakery and came directly to this one.


    Behind the shelves of displayed pastries is a giant glass window that looks directly into the kitchen. And among the ten or so chefs, there is Chloe, scurrying around the kitchen with trays of pastries. A cute apron wraps around her petite body, while her hair is all pinned up into a small hat.


    I can''t help but smile at the sight of the adorable busy bee. It takes Chloe a good amount of time before she realizes that I am standing by the window staring at her. Immediately, her eyes widen and she mouths, "RJ? Why are you here?"


    I gesture at her to come out. Frowning a little, she wipes her hands on her apron and trots out of the kitchen.


    "RJ!" she whispers, her eyes darting around the shop. "I told you to tell me if you''re gonna visit!"


    "Sorry, I thought I could surprise you mah." I lift up the bags I''m carrying. "I got you gifts."


    A faint blush creeps up her face as she sees the Victoria''s Secret logo. "Aiyo, you buy this for me for what?" she grumbles. As she inspects the contents, the blush intensifies. "Oh my god... RJ, why are you buying things like that?"


    "I tore your panties on Wednesday mah. Is it too much?"


    "No, no, it''s nice..." Chloe glances around again. "I''m in the middle of making a new batch of melon bread, so I can''t talk for too long. But I usually take my lunch break at three o''clock. Next time, come around that time, okay?" She gives me a shy smile. "I... have a favor to return anyway."


    I raise my eyebrows. "Oh? Are you gonna wear the new lingerie I bought?"


    "Seriously?" she scoffs, holding her hand out to almost slap my arm¡ªbut she stops herself. "Yeah lah, I''ll wear them next Saturday."


    "So next Saturday, three o''clock. Noted."


    "Don''t be silly..." she says again, but her smile grows larger. "You''re just here to give me this?"


    "Also to see you lah."


    "I look like a mess today though."


    "No, you don''t. You always look super cute."


    "Shut up..." She lowers her head and shuffles her feet. Then she points at a rack at the end of the store. "Today''s special is the pineapple floss bread with bakkwa. I helped create the recipe. You should... You should try it."


    I am a huge fan of those dried meats, so the bread sounds delightful. "I will."


    "Okay. Well, got to go now, or my boss will get angry at me lah. Thank you again, for... this."


    "Can''t wait to see you in it."


    Before she can turn as red as a cherry tomato, she scoots away from me. I smile as I watch her run to the storeroom to stow the shopping bags and then scurry back into the kitchen.


    I''m buying Chloe''s specials. I''m buying all of them.

 19.1 | Mrs. Shins Request

    <u>Chloe</u>


    Mar 29, 2014, Saturday.


    Personal statements, SATs, recommendation letters.


    The more I scroll through the application websites for some US schools, the more I want to bury myself in my blanket. The requirements are stressing me out. I feel so inadequate...


    And my feeling of incompetency worsens whenever I think about RJ. She''s so smart, so confident, and so put together, with all her goals thought out. She''s so unlike me in so many ways.


    Not to mention, the thought of leaving this country¡ªthe country I grew up in¡ªmakes me excited and queasy at the same time. I want to both squeal and puke my guts out. Instead, I grab the pillow and roll around on the couch.


    My mom just has to appear at that moment with a bowl of cut fruit. "Chiarong, n¨« z¨§n me le?" Are you okay?


    "Nothing, nothing," I say in Chinese as I sit back up.


    M¨¡ma joins me on the couch and I snuggle next to her. Taking a piece of watermelon from the fruit bowl, I ask, "Are you excited about your surgery, M¨¡ma?"


    "Of course. Thanks for raising so much money, dearest daughter."


    "It''s not just me, all my friends contributed." I help myself to another piece of fruit¡ªhoneydew this time¡ªand lean my head on M¨¡ma''s shoulder. "M¨¡ma... how would you feel if I applied to schools overseas?"


    "For universities?"


    "Yeah..." My voice turns into a whisper as regret kicks in. Why did I ask my mother that? How can I ever bring up something like this to my mother, when we spent all my life together, when she raised me by herself, when we only have each other?


    "I would be so, so happy," M¨¡ma declares, shocking me with her unexpected enthusiasm.


    I blink. "Wait, really?"


    "Of course! The world is so big, Chiarong, you should get out there and explore. What better way to do it than during college?"


    Exploring the world. That was exactly what RJ said as well. I stuff a piece of apple in my mouth. "You won''t be... You won''t be sad that I''m leaving you behind?"


    "You''re not leaving me behind, silly girl," M¨¡ma says with a chuckle. "Of course I''ll be sad to not have you around, but I''ll get used to it. I''ll be happy if you are happy."


    Every time M¨¡ma says something like this, tears threaten to flood my eyes. I flutter my eyelashes as I huddle in my mother''s arms even more.


    "I don''t know... I''m scared," I admit. "I''m scared to leave home."


    "Ah, I know how you feel." M¨¡ma gives me a knowing smile. "I was also so, so scared when I left Taiwan. But you know, while it''s scary to leave your comfort zone, it''s worth it for a bigger cause. If you need to leave, leave. Home is not a place you should be trapped in. Home is a nest for you to fly back to whenever you''re tired of exploring. You can always come back to me whenever you get tired of the outside world."


    I''ve never thought about it this way. "How do you know if it''s worth it?"


    "That''s up to you." M¨¡ma pokes a finger at my chest. "Follow your heart."


    I let out an exaggerated groan as if my mother injured my rib cage, much to her amusement. But I am also lamenting that advice. My heart is a mess of emotions, how can I possibly follow it?


    "But where do you want to go?" M¨¡ma asks. "China? Europe? America?"


    "I''m... not sure. I haven''t thought about it." I feel embarrassed admitting my lack of knowledge, so I add, "RJ is the one who really wants to go overseas to study. She''s got it all figured out and stuff. She asked me if I want to join her, but I... I haven''t figured it out yet."


    "I see." M¨¡ma raises her eyebrows. "So, everything is good between you two?"


    "Oh." My cheeks burn as I remember how I cried about RJ last month. I forgot to tell my mother that we have made up. "Yeah..."


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    "Did she apologize?" she demands. "Did she properly make up with you?"


    I cannot help but laugh at how angry my mother is. "She did, she did," I assure her.


    "And now she wants you to follow her around! The audacity of that girl." M¨¡ma shakes her head dramatically. "I swear, if she breaks your heart again, I will beat her up."


    Thinking back to how RJ easily knocked over Adrian, I doubt my mother can best her in a fight. But I keep that to myself.


    "I do want to be with her though," I mutter.


    "You still have time to think about it, and whatever you choose, I will support you one hundred percent. Except..." She sighs. "I cannot support you financially. I will try my best, but I am sorry, Chiarong. I don''t think I can."


    I shake my head. "I won''t ask that of you! RJ mentions there are scholarships I can apply for. I''ll try those. If not, I''ll work till I have enough money."


    M¨¡ma''s smile widens. "Zh¨¥n gua¨©." Such a good kid.


    We spend the next hour finishing up the bowl of fruit and chatting before leaving for our respective jobs.


    I love being able to hang out and do simple things like that with M¨¡ma, but I also want to be with RJ. And there is a bigger world out there. It has never occurred to me to explore, but my curiosity is piqued now. Oh dear, all these thoughts are making my decision even harder.


    Why is everything so hard in life?


    I shake these thoughts away. I''ll think about it after work.


    My new job is a lot further from where I live than my old job, but that''s a trade-off I am okay with. As much as I miss Clementine and Sakura and everyone else in Tropics Falls, I am much happier spending my day baking and creating recipes. RJ also stops sulking whenever we talk about work, which has been a welcoming change.


    Stepping into the mall, I am about to climb up the stairs to the second floor when I spot someone familiar¡ªor rather, someone who looks familiar.


    An older woman in formal business wear sits at a table next to a cafe, holding a cup of coffee. Her long, slim legs are crossed while her dark, intense eyes are glued onto me. Most strikingly, she looks just like RJ, and her aura is the same too¡ªfierce, confident, and so intense.


    The way she''s staring at me reminds me of the way RJ stared at me when we first met in Tropic Falls.


    She has to be RJ''s mother.


    As our eyes meet, a smile tugs at her lips. She raises a finger and beckons for me.


    I gulp and walk over. "H- Hello. Um, Mrs... Shin?"


    "Oh, you know who I am." Her accent is as strange as the situation we''re in. It''s not quite as American as Clementine''s, and not quite as Singaporean as RJ''s. Instead, she sounds as though she has lived in many different countries in her lifetime.


    My neck is stiff but I manage a nod. "RJ looks... a lot like you." Very beautiful. Scarily beautiful.


    "Ah, I see. That is the only thing the stubborn child inherited from me, unfortunately. Chloe, is it?" Mrs. Shin gestures at the chair across from her table. "Why don''t you have a seat and chat with me?"


    Sitting down, I cannot help but keep my back straight and my hands placed on my legs as if I am waiting to be scolded for something I''ve done.


    Compared to me, Mrs. Shin is as casual as she can be. She sips at her coffee while scrolling on her phone, completely nonchalant about the fact that she had just called someone over to her table.


    "Um... Mrs. Shin," I mutter, "I, uh, I need to be going soon. Is there something you want to talk to me about?"


    She finally puts her cup and phone down. "Ah, sorry about that. Work. But you don''t have to worry about your work, I spoke to your boss before this. He knows you''ll be late."


    I blink. "You... spoke to Devan? Why?"


    "I just want to get to know you." Mrs. Shin raises her eyebrows. "Especially since my daughter seems to like you so much."


    Oh no, does she know about our relationship? RJ had been very clear that she never wants her mother to find out about us. About me.


    "RJ and I are just classmates," I insist.


    "Please, you don''t have to lie to me." She gives me a once-over before sighing. "You look so wary of me. I don''t know what lies Ruijun has been feeding you, but I''m not trying to ruin her life. All mothers care for their children, even if the kids don''t believe it."


    I don''t know what to say. RJ has made her mother sound so frightening and unreasonable that these words are taking me by surprise.


    "And you seem like a very sweet girl," Mrs. Shin continues. "You''re working to pay for your mother''s medical bills, right?"


    "Um, sort of, yeah..."


    She nods. "A sweet girl who listens to and cares for her mother. RJ has a lot to learn from you."


    I feel myself blushing. "Um, t- thank you..."


    "Devan also told me that you''re a very good and passionate baker. You know, I have contacts at the Marriott hotels. They hire pastry chefs and they definitely pay much better than BreadTalk. I can get you in touch if you want."


    My jaw drops. Those are some of the best hotels in Singapore. I looked into their job openings last year out of curiosity, but I dropped them out of my consideration within seconds. "I- I''ve heard of that, but they want people who''ve been to culinary school and everything."


    "Well, it doesn''t hurt to try, right? Maybe you can ask for an internship instead of a job. It''ll be good for you if you choose to go down this road. Better than working for a low wage at a small bakery anyway. What''s your email?"


    I give her my email address, and Mrs. Shin writes up a quick email¡ªcopying me¡ªto the head chef of one of the hotels.


    "There you go," she says, putting her phone back down again. "Give it a shot, alright?"


    My mouth drops further. Getting in touch with a head chef, at a high-end hotel? It''s a dream I do not even dare to even think about! Even if a job doesn''t come out of it, the opportunity is still priceless.


    It takes me a while for me to gather my words again. "Thank you, Mrs. Shin... seriously... I- I don''t know what to say..."


    "No need to thank me. I know what it''s like doing everything it takes for your family. You want the best for your mother, I want the best for my children."


    I nod vigorously.


    "Good that you agree. Now that I''ve helped you, I hope you''ll help me in turn." She leans forward and places her elbows on the table. "For all of our sakes, Chloe, please stop seeing Ruijun."

 19.2

    The last sentence strikes me like a bolt of lightning and my body freezes. All the gratitude I felt towards Mrs. Shin dissipates. Opening and closing my mouth a few times, I finally force myself to say, "I- I don''t know what you mean. We''re- We''re just classmates lah."


    "I already said not to lie to me." Mrs. Shin''s tone is now a cold frost that sends shivers down my spine. "But you''re right, you''re classmates so you do see each other in class a lot. To make this easier, I already contacted the principal, and Ruijun is going to go to a different class from next week onwards."


    "Different class? But- But the school year already started, how is that possible?"


    Mrs. Shin scoffs. "It''s just changing classes, there''s nothing impossible about that. What''s impossible is getting that child to listen to me." She focuses her eyes on me. "But it''ll be easier with your help. Don''t find her in school, and don''t find her outside of school. Don''t see her ever again. I hope you understand that this is for her good, and yours too."


    The whole world crashes down on me. What is happening? Why is this happening? A moment ago, Mrs. Shin was being so helpful and kind, but now she''s demanding the worst.


    "Why- Why are you doing this?" I ask incredulously.


    "I''m like you, Chloe. Everything I do is for the family, and I''ll do whatever it takes for them. Our family has a certain reputation to keep, and Ruijun needs to keep it up. She needs to take her mind off"¡ªMrs. Shin gestures her hand at me¡ª"whatever is going on here, and marry a man from a good family."


    Anger rises in me and I retort, "But she doesn''t want to marry a man!"


    Her eyebrows twitch in annoyance. "I don''t care. She can have secret relationships with whomever she wants, I don''t care. But it has to be on the side, in private, in secret, never shown to the world. Just like all the other things I know she does: the drinking and the smoking and the clubbing. But in public, she needs to maintain the Shin family name. She needs to become the woman I raised and trained her to be." Mrs. Shin tilts her head and studies me. "Unless you don''t mind being her...extracurricular activity your whole life, of course."


    Her words slap me in the face. I grit my teeth and spat, "I. Am. Her. Girlfriend."


    "And that''s the problem."


    My entire body is shaking by now. "But we are, okay? And you don''t get to tell us what to do."


    "I''m not telling you what to do." Mrs. Shin narrows her eyes. "I thought we were on the same page, Chloe. I thought you understood my concerns."


    "We will never be on the same page lah! How is doing this good for RJ? She won''t be happy!"


    Mrs. Shin snorts. "You children. Happiness is overrated. Stability is what you should strive for instead." She scans me again, this time with a scornful expression as if she is reevaluating her first impression of me. "And do you really think she''ll be happy with you?"


    That renders me speechless.


    "You''re making her work so much to help you that she hasn''t been sleeping well," she continues. "You even made her visit you at your previous workplace. Where was it again?" The scorn in her eyes intensifies. "That dingy bar in the red-light district?"


    "I¡ª" My mouth turns dry. Wait, how does she know that?


    Mrs. Shin takes a check from her handbag and slides it across the table. "If you need money from her, I feel for your situation. So take this, and then cut off all contact with her. This should be more than enough to cover your mother''s medical bills."


    As I stare at the check, the fire inside my heart grows. Over this year, I''ve seen so many forms of money: salary from my bosses, tips from the customers, help from RJ and my friends. But this is the only kind that has ever filled me with so much anger.


    I stand up so fast that my head spins. Staggering, I grab the check and tear it into as many pieces as I can create.


    This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.


    Mrs. Shin frowns. I am scared stiff by her glare, but I force myself to maintain eye contact.


    "I do not need money from RJ or you," I snap. "I am with RJ because I love her, and she is with me because of the same reason. You can''t control any of us, so leave us alone lah!"


    An amused look takes over Mrs. Shin''s face. "You think she loves you?"


    My fists clench. "She does. I''m sure of it."


    "Young love is temporary, my child. Don''t get so passionate," she says with a soft chuckle. "And this will be your loss eventually." Pushing herself up, she walks next to me. She is taller than me, such that her mouth is right at my ear when she says, "She is leaving the country after JC, and she will forget all about you then."


    "I''m following her," I state adamantly.


    She smirks. "Good luck, then." With that, she struts away, her high heels clicking behind me.


    I am left alone at the table, tears in my eyes. I finally understand how RJ has felt this whole time. Her mother is manipulative and cruel, and a frightening control freak. No wonder RJ wants to leave her, her family, and the country.


    And for the first time, I truly support that. I am going to help her with that goal as best as I can.


    As I wipe my tears away, I notice a blonde girl near me. Once again, familiarity hits me, and I spin around to face her.


    "Mango?" I exclaim. "Wait, I mean... Amanda, right? That''s your real name, right? Amanda Tay?"


    Mango, or Amanda, is standing a bit away from the cafe. When I say her name, she trudges towards me, tugging on her long blonde hair. Her hair is as well-kept as ever, and she still has all of her usual makeup on, except this time, the Tropic Falls mask is not on her face. "Hey Chloe. How have you been ah?"


    "I''m, uh... I''m good?" Mixed emotions run through my heart. I don''t know how to feel. She was a friend who hurt me¡ªvery badly¡ªbut she was also a girl in need of money, fired and pushed out of the bar scene forever. I sigh and ask, "What- What are you doing here?"


    "Oh, I''m working in this bakery now lor." Amanda points at the small bakery that''s right by the coffee shop.


    "Oh." I walk by it every week and never look into the store. "What a coincidence, I''m also working at a bakery, but the one upstairs." A small laugh escapes my throat. "Isn''t it funny we ended up in the same profession after everything?"


    Amanda shrugs. "No lah, it''s different. I''m just a cashier, while you''re an actual baker and everything."


    An awkward silence falls between us. Amanda''s eyes shift from me to her feet. "Listen, Chloe, I''m- I''m sorry, okay?"


    I lower my head as well. The incident happened a while ago, but one question lingers in my mind. "Why... Why did you do it?"


    There is a pause before she answers softly, "You have everything lah, Chloe, everything I ever wanted. You have more customers than me, people stay longer for you, people tip you more. You even go to a JC, and then you will go to university after that... It''s so fucking unfair lah. Your future is going to be so much brighter than mine ever will be, but not only that, you are getting all the customers and all the tips. And then RJ books you so much she sets a record in the bar in just a week..." Closing her eyes, she raises her voice. "I''m jealous lah, okay? I want what you have, and if I can''t get it..."


    That is still no reason to have done what she did. "But we are all in the same boat, Amanda..."


    "I know. I''m sorry lah, I guess I was angry lor. I was angry at... life, and I took it out on you. I''m a changed person now, trust me."


    I chew on the inside of my mouth. "Yeah, okay... It''s all in the past anyway. Forget about it lah."


    "So why are you not at Tropic Falls ah? Did you quit?"


    "Yeah."


    "Good lah. Tropic Falls pays so well, but I guess you don''t need it anymore. You have RJ as your girlfriend now, and Mrs. Shin even gave you a check¡ª"


    My head snaps back up. "How do you know?"


    Amanda blinks. "Huh? Oh, I was watching lah." She rolls her eyes. "It''s not like we have any customers here or anything."


    Something about the quickness in her answer makes me ask, "Wait... are- are you the one who told Mrs. Shin about me?"


    She freezes from the accusation, but she immediately recovers and snaps, "Oi, it''s- it''s not my fault hor. I was behind on my rent and that guy was paying me for information sia! I didn''t know he was a private detective."


    A private detective. Mrs. Shin hired a private detective to stalk her own daughter. I feel as though the mall is spinning around me.


    Amanda shuffles on her feet as she continues, "I didn''t mean to spill everything lah! I didn''t know it''d lead to all of this..." She waves in the general direction that Mrs. Shin left. "But it''s harmless lah, right? No one got hurt."


    "Oh my god!" I yell. "You didn''t fucking change at all, Mango! Why are you like this? Why are you constantly ruining my life? What is wrong with you lah?"


    Amanda opens her mouth to say something again, but I sprint away from her before I can hear anything. Tears wash my face as I bolt out of the mall.


    I don''t know how long I run, but all I know is that I want to get away from everyone and everything. Mrs. Shin is cruel, Mango is vile, and the world is both cruel and vile. I run till I am out of breath and out of tears. I want to slump onto the ground. I want to bury my head in my hands and cry. Instead, I take out my phone and call RJ.


    "Chloe?" RJ picks up the phone almost immediately. "What''s up?"


    Hearing her concerned voice, I burst into tears again.

 20.1 | Mas Tough Love

    <u>RJ</u>


    Mar 29, 2014, Saturday.


    I am angry. So much that I want to punch a hole through this stupid wall.


    Chloe called me in the middle of the afternoon, sobbing and blubbering. It took me a good ten minutes to calm her down to tell me what happened, and the more she recounted, the more my fingers dug into my palms.


    And now, I am shaking with fury. When I hear the front door opening and the rhythmic clacks of my mother''s stilettos, rage clouds my mind. I let out a roar before bolting out of my room and down the stairs.


    "Why the fuck did you do that for, Ma?"


    Everyone in the living room stops to stare at me. Ruimin is doing homework at the dining table, and my outcry causes him to freeze and drop his pen. The maid halts her sweeping duty and scrambles out of the room in fear. Meanwhile, Ma merely gives me a glance.


    "Keep your voice down," she orders before continuing her way to her room.


    "No!" I bark. "You tell me right now why the fuck did you go and find Chloe?"


    Ma pays no attention to me. I run up to her such that I am walking right next to her, almost screaming into her ears.


    "Don''t fucking ignore me lah!"


    But she ignores me as she climbs up the stairs and marches into her study.


    "Ma!" I shout one more time.


    "Let''s talk about this later. I have a client call soon."


    "It''s a fucking Saturday."


    "I have clients from all over the world."


    Ma begins to close the door on me, but I shove my hands on the door and force my way in.


    "If you have time to bother Chloe, you have time to talk to your own daughter," I snap.


    That seems to get to my mother finally. She rolls her eyes as she leans back on her work desk. "Fine. Let''s talk."


    "I just don''t fucking get it lah! I did everything you told me to, okay? I went to all the stupid dinners, I go everywhere with the chauffeur, I don''t even go out much anymore, why are you still going around fucking my life up? Why can''t you fucking leave me alone?"


    "Calm down, Ruijun. All I did was have a simple chat with your friend."


    "You made her cry!"


    "It''s not my fault if she''s so sensitive."


    "You told her to break up with me! Why the fuck would you say something like that?"


    Ma rolls her eyes again. "So dramatic." She waves a hand at me as if I am an employee she can just dismiss. "Go hang out with Jon, drink, smoke, or whatever you do these days to calm down. We''ll talk more at night when your father gets back."


    "No, we won''t." I grind my teeth. "After this, I''m going to leave this stupid fucking house, and this time, I am never coming back."


    Raising her eyebrows, Ma folds her hands and snorts. "Suit yourself. You''ll be back anyway."


    "No, I won''t!" Seeing my mother''s nonchalance is fueling my rage. She is the one who would get hysterical whenever I do something that would tarnish the family name. But now, I am the one being treated like an emotional kid for being upset at what she did to me. To Chloe.


    All of the resentment and frustration built up throughout my life begins to pour out from me like a broken dam. "What kind of fucking parent are you lah? Do you seriously not give a shit about me? You controlled me my whole fucking life, and for what sia? Saving face? For the stupid family name? For your reputation? Why the fuck does any of that matter? I should matter the most to you! But you clearly don''t give a shit about your own daughter! All you do is ruin my life!"


    "How the hell am I ruining your life, Ruijun?" Ma retorts. "Open your eyes and take a look around you. You''re living the life that everyone wants. Be grateful."


    "I''m not living the life that I want! I''m living the life that you want! Every decision you ever made for me is for you, for making your life perfect, for making the family proud, and I hated every single decision you made for me lah! When the fuck do I get to choose¡ª"


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    Ma cuts me off by grabbing my face with her hand, her long fingernails digging into my cheeks. She tilts my head up such that I am forced to look up into her eyes. Fear strikes me and my body stiffens in terror. It has been a long time since my mother got violent with me, and I forgot how strong she is¡ªand how terrifying she can be.


    "Listen here, you ingrate," Ma growls. She leans forward such that her hot, minty breath makes my eyes water. "Why do you think you''re the way you are right now, with the best grades in school, the most comfortable lifestyle you can ask for, and the achievements that can get you into any school you want, hm? Do you think you got here by yourself? No! It''s because of me, you ungrateful child. Every single decision I made paved your way here. You think I don''t give a shit about you? You don''t know how much shit I have to give to get you to stop whining and complaining like a child. And you keep on whining and complaining every single time, even though every single¡ªfucking¡ªdecision ends up being right. I could''ve just given up on you, but instead, I pushed on. I clamped down hard on you. And for what? For my sake? It''s for your sake, Ruijun. Open your eyes."


    The more she speaks, the more her nails dig into me. I blink rapidly, hoping to stop them from tearing up. "You never care about what I want¡ª"


    "You don''t know what you want," Ma snaps. "And that''s the problem with kids these days. It''s always about following your heart, or doing what makes you happy. Bullshit. That''s the one surefire way to spiral into failure. I am helping you, Ruijun, by stopping you from making stupid mistakes in life. And I succeeded because you are doing so well. Until that girl ruined everything."


    Ma pulls my face up so she is now even closer to me, and I have to tip-toe to keep from straining my neck.


    "So you listen to me right now." Her stifling whisper sends a shudder down my spine. "I never minded when you played around, drinking and hanging out with questionable people in the bars. Those are temporary; harmless in the grand scheme of things. But what I do mind is when you get entangled in a relationship like this. A relationship that you seem to treat way more seriously than you should. A relationship that is forbidden, mind you, in our society. You can feel what you want to feel for that girl, for any girl, but it cannot be serious. Cut it loose. Cut her loose."


    Hearing the last three words brings out all remaining strength in me to push my mother away. Rubbing my stinging face, I spit, "Never. I''m not fucking listening to you ever again."


    Ma smoothens her blouse before scowling at me. "Then leave. Go ruin your life. You think you can survive outside this home? You had to rely on your rich friends to scrape by the last time."


    I clench my fists. "I can and I will."


    I storm out of her study. I bolt to my room and pack up as many clothes as I can into a duffel bag. Just as I''m zipping up everything, there''s a knock on the door.


    "Jie," Ruimin mumbles. "You... leaving again?"


    I glance at him. "Yeah."


    He digs into his pocket and takes out his wallet. "I have some money here. My bank card is in here too with all my savings."


    My eyes widen before they flicker with guilt. I can''t believe my younger brother is offering up his money for me. "Keep it for yourself lah," I say, pushing his hand away.


    "But- But Ma is going to cut off all your cards..."


    "I know lah." I give him a weak smile and pat him on the head. "See you around, Ruimin."


    Swinging my school bag and duffel over my shoulders, I leave the house, not once looking back.


    ---


    Chloe''s eyes are still red and puffy when she opens the door for me.


    "RJ? Why are you here?" Her eyes travel to the bags I''m carrying, which answers her question. She groans. "RJ, you know it''s a bad idea for you to run away from home!"


    I sigh. "Can I live with you this time?"


    More tears well up in Chloe''s already teary eyes, and she nods. After she lets me in, I drop my bags on the floor and scoop her into an embrace. Chloe melts into me, her arms wrapping tightly around my waist.


    "RJ, we''ve spoken about this lah," she mutters into my shirt. "If you run away from home, how are you going to go overseas for university?"


    "It doesn''t matter lah," I insist. "I''d rather be with you."


    I can feel Chloe sighing as her breath heats my shoulder. I respond by burying my head further into her neck, not letting her go. We hug in the middle of her government-subsidized flat for a long time, until Chloe breaks the silence.


    "Do you love me, RJ?"


    I tighten my arms around her. "Of course I do."


    "But will you be... happy with me?"


    "What? Of course I will lah. I love you."


    "But is that enough to be happy? Is love... enough?"


    I frown. Peeling Chloe away from me, I force her to look me in the eyes. "What did my mother say to you?"


    "Nothing lah..." Chloe shakes her head, but her expression tells me otherwise.


    I hold onto Chloe''s face and caress her cheeks. "Look, Chloe, I don''t know what my mother told you, but don''t fucking listen to her, okay? That woman doesn''t believe in love or happiness. She married my father in an arranged marriage, and she genuinely thinks that''s the best decision she made in life, even though their relationship is basically a business transaction."


    Chloe''s brows furrow. "Arranged marriage?" she whispers incredulously. "In this day and age?"


    "Yeah, she''s stuck in the old days lah, but I refuse to be that way. She doesn''t believe in love because she''s never met someone like you." I stroke Chloe''s face a bit more before pulling her in for a forehead kiss. "I love you, okay? And I want to be with you."


    "I love you too," Chloe replies softly. There is a pause before she adds, "But I wonder if I''m letting you be happy lah. Like, I want you to pursue your dreams and do all the things you want to do. I don''t want to be the dead weight that''s stopping you from that, you know?"


    "Chloe, you are not¡ª"


    My words are cut off by a loud buzz. Chloe''s phone is ringing. She picks it up.


    "Hello?... Yes, that''s me... What?... When?... Okay... Okay, I''ll be there..." Her voice starts quavering while her face turns paler and paler by the second.


    "What is it?" I ask when she hangs up.


    Chloe tightens her hand around the phone as if she is holding onto it for life support.


    "My mother... She... She fell down the stairs at work."

 20.2

    The last hour went by in a blur. I scrambled all the money in my wallet for a taxi to the hospital, and Chloe spent a long time talking to the doctor and nurses. Now, she is talking to her mother. Wanting to give her some privacy, I linger in the hallway, glancing in her direction every so often.


    Chloe was already crying earlier in the day thanks to my mother, and now, she''s crying even more for hers. I let out a frustrated sigh. Of course, the world has to do this to the sweetest girl ever.


    When I peek over at Chloe, I notice Ms. Lee gesturing at me. I force out a small smile before jogging into the room.


    "H- Hello, ma''am. H- How is you?" I stutter. Chloe needs to speak Mandarin Chinese to me more; I need to practice.


    Despite her teary eyes, Chloe chuckles next to me¡ªher first smile ever since we arrived. You know what? Maybe it isn''t so bad that my Chinese speaking skills suck.


    "I''m doing fine." Ms. Lee flashes me a big, genuine grin. "Thank you for coming, Ruijun."


    "How, uh, happened?"


    "I just fell. It''s my own carelessness, don''t worry about it."


    "It''s not your carelessness!" Chloe snaps, a pout forming on her lips. "It''s your building''s fault! All stairs need to have a visual contrast at the step! That''s the bare minimum they should do for people!"


    Ms. Lee shakes her head. "No need to do all that just for me."


    "So many people have low vision, it''s not just you. And it''s hard for everyone to see at night. And how hard can it be? It''s just painting the floors! Argh, I cannot stand these inaccessible buildings."


    Sighing, Ms. Lee gives me a look that seems to say, There she goes again.


    I reach out to give Chloe''s hand a squeeze. "Everything... good now? No need for..." I trail off, not knowing how to say any medical terms in Chinese.


    "Thankfully, there are no internal injuries," Chloe replies, but her frown intensifies. "But she fractured her left wrist."


    "It''s a small fracture," Ms. Lee dismisses. "And I''m right-handed, so this isn''t a big issue."


    "Of course it is! It''s going to take weeks to heal, M¨¡ma!"


    Chloe''s hand is beginning to tremble, so I tighten my grip on it to calm her down.


    Ms. Lee chooses to change the subject. "It''s been so long since I''ve seen you, Ruijun. Do you want to stay over at our place for dinner later?"


    Nodding, I am about to proclaim my excitement over her home-cooked food in broken Chinese when the doctor knocks on the door. Apparently, Ms. Lee needs one last check-up.


    Chloe and I leave the room. The moment we step into the hallway, we collapse onto the chairs along the wall, exhausted and drained.


    Chloe slumps her head on my shoulder.


    "What a day, huh," I mutter in English, wrapping my arm around her.


    "The worst."


    I sigh. "How much was this?"


    Her face falls with that question. She does not answer me. Instead, she laughs and says, "Is it bad that I wish I''d taken your mother''s money now?"


    I don''t know what to say to that. It would be a good time to have tons of money to spare right now, but I do not want to go near my mother again.


    "I could call Jon for help?" I offer.


    "They''ve all helped enough lah." Chloe sits up, staring at her hands so intensely as if she was reading her palms. "RJ... I... I''ve thought about it."


    "Oh? About what?"


    "I want to try applying to schools overseas with you. I think it might be good for me to get out of this country and see something new. Even better if it''s with you... Plus, my mother is very supportive of that. I think I''ll try for a scholarship, and if I can''t get it, I''ll take a gap year to earn money to pay for it."


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    My heart soars with this news. It''s just leaving for university, but it feels as though she just agreed to elope with me. I grab her hand and entwine our fingers together. "I''ll help you too."


    Chloe gives me a small smile. "I''m gonna do everything I can, RJ, and you should do everything you can too, okay?"


    "I will, of course I will."


    "Then go back home."


    My heart sinks back down to the pit of my stomach. "Chloe, I told you¡ª"


    "Go home lah, then go overseas for school, just like you''ve always wanted," Chloe continues. "I still want to be with you, RJ, but I don''t want to do it while making your mother even angrier at me, and I don''t want to do it while watching you struggle financially with me."


    I close my eyes. "I can''t, Chloe..."


    I don''t think she understands how controlling my mother is, how suffocating my family can be, how much I want to be with her¡ªin public, proudly holding her hands, kissing her in front of everyone. I want to scream to the world how much I love her.


    But deep down, I also know that if I don''t get out of this country, there''s a chance I won''t be able to do that ever.


    Chloe places her other hand on our entwined hands. "Let''s make a pact."


    My eyes pop open. "A pact?"


    She nods. "I just... I just think it''s going to be hard on both of us mah. My grades are terrible, and I don''t have the money yet, but I don''t want to drag you down. So let''s make a pact instead lor. To promise we''ll wait for each other. To promise we''ll both work towards this, even if we can''t be physically together. And this means you''ll also have to do everything it takes to achieve this¡ªincluding going back home."


    "You''re not dragging me down lah¡ª"


    "Two years." Chloe cuts me off, her expression as stern as her voice. "Let''s have a pact for two years. Two years for us to end up in the same place. Two years for me to get my life together¡ªmy studies, my finances, everything." There is a slight pause before she adds, "And after that, if I still can''t make it, then we can talk lor. Reconsider our... relationship. Reconsider if we still want to¡ªor still can¡ªbe together. Just... two years lah."


    Two years of waiting feels like a lifetime just thinking about it, but I am willing to wait more than a lifetime for Chloe. "Four."


    Her eyes widen. "You''re willing to commit that long?"


    "Eight," I add. "I can keep increasing the number till infinity."


    Chloe laughs and smacks my arm. "Don''t be silly. Okay, three years, then. "


    Three years.


    My heart aches at the thought, but I understand why we have to do it. As Ms. Goh said to me, this might hurt at the start, but once I can be completely independent, life will be much better. Love will be much easier.


    I nod. "Three years."


    Then, I pull her in for a tight embrace.


    ---


    I trudge back home at night, my heart as heavy as my footsteps. I want to quietly and secretly slip back to my room, but my mother, the fanatical workaholic, is working at the dining table.


    "You''re back earlier than I expected," she says.


    I do not miss the smugness in her tone.


    I want to ignore her, but she needs to know the truth. "Chloe told me to come back."


    She raises her eyebrows. "She did? Smart girl. She understands the importance of listening to your mother."


    Taking a deep breath to calm my growing rage, I march back to my room.


    Three years.


    We made a pact of three years, and I''ll focus on that. I''ll focus on not making Chloe worry, on helping her work off the bills, and on helping her improve her grades. I''ll focus on my own studies, my tennis competitions, and my tutoring jobs. I''ll work doubly hard for both of us.


    Three years.


    One more night, and the next, and the next. Three years.


    I can get through this.


    ---


    Mar 31, 2014, Monday.


    I cannot believe my mother actually managed to change my class. This is not at all normal nor precedented. Everyone is assigned a class at the start of Junior College, and you stick with it until the end, unless you want to change the subjects you take for A levels. And yet my mother still managed to do it in the third month of my second year.


    All my friends are shocked. Audrey even cried as I walked away to a different classroom, which was surprising.


    Now, sitting in the unfamiliar room, everyone in my new class is staring at me and murmuring among themselves. I get these curious stares a lot in school, but I can usually ignore them when Jon is around.


    I miss having him next to me in class. Argh, the rest of the school year is going to suck.


    As if summoned by my mind, Jon appears at the door. The room falls silent as everyone watches him walk towards me, drop a letter at my table, wink, and leave.


    Quickly, I tear open the envelope. It''s a letter from Chloe. Seeing her handwriting, as cute and curvy as her body, makes me smile. That girl always knows how to make my life better.


    "Hey RJ, sorry you had to switch classes. It''s kinda my fault, your mother told me she doesn''t want us hanging out in school. Too bad she can''t stop me from going to your remedial lessons. ;)


    "And she can''t stop me from texting you or writing you letters either. Hehe, I''ve always loved writing letters. It feels so sweet, and you get to have a physical copy to hold and stuff. Write me back! Tell me all about your new class, okay? :)


    "Also, Adrian told me that there are secret pockets in the campus that are very well-hidden and are perfect make-out spots for couples. I have no idea why he would know about this, but I don''t mind giving it a shot. After school, meet me behind the third-level lecture hall, okay? ;)


    "PS, I''m wearing the lingerie you bought."


    My face heats up, and I cough into my hand to hide the big grin that is creeping up onto it. Folding the letter, I tuck it away. I''m going to find some time to write back.


    The murmurs in the class are louder now. I can hear that people are talking about how Jon wrote the letter to me, and how romantic that was. How useful that people still think we''re ''together''.


    I cannot wait for school to be over.


    I cannot wait to be with Chloe again.

 Interlude

    ---


    March 18, 2015, Wednesday.


    Dear Ruijun,


    Congratulations! It is with great pleasure that I inform you of your acceptance to the College of Letters and Science at the University of California, Los Angeles. You have been given this opportunity in recognition of your personal and scholastic achievements.


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    We have enclosed a starter package with this letter...


    ---


    March 20, 2015, Friday.


    Dear Chloe,


    Thank you for expressing interest in the University of California, Los Angeles. The Admissions Committee has given careful consideration to your application.


    We regret to inform you that you are not being offered admission. UCLA receives many more applications than there are student places available...


    ---

 21 | Goodbye, RJ

    <u>Chloe</u>


    September 14, Mon, 2015


    "Don''t watch too many movies on the flight, okay?"


    "Okay."


    "Remember to drink water."


    "Okay."


    "And don''t stay up too late ah."


    "I''ll try."


    "Remember to eat your veggies."


    RJ chuckles. "What are you, my mom?"


    I keep my eyes glued to the airport''s shiny, marble floors as I blink back my tears. Tightening my grip on RJ''s hand, I choke out, "Four o''clock, every day, promise?"


    "I know lah," RJ says with a sigh. I''ve repeated that time so often it''s no wonder she''s exasperated. "Four pm for me, nine am for you, after classes for me, before work for you."


    My vision blurs. "Every day, okay?"


    RJ leans over and kisses my forehead. "Every single day. I promise."


    Gently, she wipes away my tears, allowing me to see her face again. She''s as beautiful as ever. Without a dress code limiting her, RJ''s hair is now blonde with light brown streaks complimenting her dark, gorgeous eyes. A small, wistful smile tugs on her lips as she says, "Come over soon, okay?"


    My throat is stuck, but I manage a small nod.


    I''ve dreaded this day for months, but it is here. RJ is leaving for Los Angeles today.


    The two of us applied to the same schools together. As expected, RJ managed to get into a few, and she picked UCLA for the location, weather, and good computer science program. Meanwhile¡ªjust as expected¡ªI didn''t get into any schools. After all, my grades were not as good, and I didn''t have any extra-curricular activities to show¡ªmy time spent at Tropics Fall is not really something to show off to the Admissions Committee.


    RJ wanted to delay her enrollment to wait for me, but I reminded her of our pact. She should go after her goals, not pausing her life and waiting around for me. I will try my hardest to get to her instead.


    And we have two more years in the pact.


    I said all that, but right now, how I wished I had been selfish.


    Tears cloud my eyes again, but RJ wipes them away. "Hey, hey, hey, don''t cry lah, Chloe. Work hard at your new job, get some new experiences, and apply again next year, okay? You''ll get in next time, I''m sure of it."


    I force a smile. RJ is a lot more optimistic than I am, but she is right. When I was applying with her, my life wasn''t going well¡ªthe cost of my mother''s surgery weighed down on me and I was still struggling with school. Now, the surgery is over, my mother''s vision is stabilizing, and all the required standardized tests are over. I have a lot more time now to focus on myself and figure out what I want to do with my life. And I have a new job now.


    The head chef that Mrs. Shin linked me up with actually replied. He was kind enough to let me tour the kitchens and shadow him for a day. For some reason, he decided to extend an offer for me to become a part-time junior chef-in-training, despite there being no opening spots available. I''ve since been working alongside some of the best chefs in the country, which is very exciting.


    I want to agree with RJ and think that this can improve my application chances. I want to promise that I''ll get into a school the next time I apply. But I can''t bring myself to be optimistic. Not today, not when she''s leaving me.


    Slumping into her arms, I sob. "I''ll miss you so much lah..."


    RJ pulls me close, a firm hand on my head and an arm around my waist. "I''ll miss you too." Her voice is as calm as ever, but I can hear the slight trembles. "I''ll wait for you. We''ll make it work."


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    "I don''t know... if I can... do it..." I say in between my sobs. "I don''t know... if I can... get into... any schools... I''m not... like you..."


    "Don''t say that," RJ whispers as she plants kisses on my hair. "You are so much more capable than you think lah, okay? Have you seen yourself in the kitchen? The way you talk about recipes and how they work and how to improve them? You''re smart, Chloe, for real. Not only that, you work hard, so passionately hard. I believe in you lah, okay?"


    RJ''s sincere words are making me smile and cry at the same time. "I don''t... even... believe... in myself lah..."


    "You have to. And you have to believe in us." RJ lifts my head and caresses my face. "And I''ll still be helping you, okay? I''ll be reading and editing all your essays. And I''ll make Jon help too. We''ll get you to LA, okay?"


    RJ is so encouraging and so comforting, but I am still unable to stop crying. These past few months, we''ve had to juggle school and work, we''ve had to sneak around the school just to be together, we''ve had to resort to sending letters and secret text messages. We had more chances to hang out after graduating, but I had my new job, and RJ had an internship. We have been through so much, way too much, and yet the world is making it so hard for us to be together.


    Love has been so, so hard. Why does it feel like never-ending work? Why is everything in life never-ending work? Why can''t I just get a happy ending?


    "Chloe, look at me."


    I blink. RJ''s stern eyes come into focus. She leans forward and presses our foreheads together. The warmth from her skin lightens my mind, while her breath tickles my lips.


    "We made a pact," she whispers, "and I will honor it. I promise you. I know this is hard, but I will do whatever it takes to make it work because I want to make this work. I will call you every day, I will text you every morning and every night, and I will visit you whenever I''m back for the holidays. We''ll get through this, okay?"


    The sound that comes out of my throat resembles that of a dying cat. "Okay..."


    RJ glances around before closing the gap between us and kissing me on my lips. When she parts, my hands clench around her shirt as if I want to trap her here forever. We''ve kissed many times during the year, but something about knowing this will be the last one I''ll be getting for a long time wrenches my heart out of my chest.


    "I love you, Chloe."


    And my heart returns to my chest in a hot, flowing puddle.


    "I love you too," I whisper.


    RJ smiles in response. Smoothing my lips over with her fingers, she says, "Okay, I really need to go now."


    I nod. I wipe my cheeks as I watch RJ grab her carry-on luggage and walk towards her friends gathered on the other, busier end of the airport.


    Jon, Logan, Huimin, Audrey, Adrian, and Emma have all come to say their farewells to RJ, but they graciously let the two of us have our time together. Her brother, Ruimin, is also with them. RJ purposefully booked her flight on the day of an important shareholder''s meeting, so her parents can''t be here to send her off, but Ruimin was still willing to come all alone.


    One by one, they give RJ a hug. Embarrassed by my tear-stricken face, I stay where I am until RJ waves me over.


    She chuckles at my shyness before placing a hand on my cheek. "Take care, okay?"


    "Don''t worry lah!" Logan jumps next to me, banging on his chest. "I''ll take care of her while you''re gone!"


    "Shut the fuck up lah, Lobang," RJ snaps. "You''re in the army now, how are you supposed to take care of her?"


    All the boys instantly look insulted¡ªNational Service is mandatory for them, so RJ''s statement must have felt like a dig.


    Emma chimes in, "I''ll take care of her! I don''t need to go to the army!"


    "You''re not much better lah, you''re gonna be drowning in schoolwork soon," RJ points out, deflating Emma''s energy. Emma got into a local university, and her first day of classes is actually tomorrow.


    "I''m not in the army yet," Ruimin offers.


    RJ ruffles his hair, despite being a head shorter than him. "Focus on school lah."


    "Just go lah, RJ," Jon says while rolling his eyes. "We are all here with Chloe, but you''re there all alone sia." He gives RJ a hard pat on the back. "You... take care over there, okay?"


    There''s a shimmer in RJ''s eyes, but she quickly blinks it away. "Yeah." She slaps her hand on Jon''s. Their hands stay together for a long while, before she mutters, "Thanks, bro."


    "Come back for Christmas."


    "I will." RJ sighs and waves. "Okay lah, don''t make me miss my flight. See you all."


    As RJ walks towards the gate, Emma puts her arm around me. I feel my body shiver against hers. It''s time. RJ''s leaving. She''s leaving.


    I watch as she hands her passport to the security guard. The guard scans her photo and reads the ticket. He nods and returns it back to her. She turns and walks into the boarding gates.


    She''s really leaving.


    My heart is shattering as I cry. She hasn''t even left the country, and I already miss her so damn much. I know this is the best decision for both of us, but it''s such a painful decision. Why, oh why, must this be so hard?


    A hand tilts my head up. I blink my tears away only to see RJ again.


    "RJ?" I mutter. Did she come back because she saw me crying? "Idiot. You should go before you miss your flight."


    "Can I just have one last kiss?"


    "But there''s so many people here."


    "I''m leaving this country lah. I don''t care."


    I chuckle. "What about me leh?"


    "You''re joining me soon." She cups my face. "And then I''m going to kiss you every single day."


    Then, in the middle of the busy airport, in the middle of all our favorite friends, she leans in for a kiss.


    The world around me dissolves. I wrap my arms around her neck and savor her taste. Savor her.


    Two more years. Two more years for her to wait. Two more years for me to try.


    But for now, kissing her goodbye is all I can do.

 22 | Welcome, Chloe

    <u>RJ</u>


    September 17, Sat, 2016


    "And so I have no choice but to take History of China lor."


    I snort as I merge into the 405. "Your fault for not signing up for classes earlier lah."


    "I didn''t know there would be a deadline on these things mah!" Jon''s complaints blast loudly through my phone speakers, and I let out another laugh.


    I was driving to the airport when Jon decided to call. He has been busy settling into his new dorm, so we have not talked for days. And it seems that the first week of his new school life has already met with problems.


    "Idiot," I tease. "Got into Stanford and still don''t know to check the school website for basic things like that."


    "Whatever lah, at least it fulfills one of my Gen Ed requirements. It''ll be an easy pass for sure too."


    "You gotta save all the easy classes for your upper years tho¡ªfuck!" I jam on my brakes and punch my horn.


    "What happened?"


    "This motherfucker cut into my lane last minute lah."


    "Drive slower lah. You drive like a fucking maniac sometimes."


    "Shut the fuck up lah. When are you getting a car?"


    "Oh, right, I''m gonna go to the dealership sometime next week with Adrian."


    "Adrian?" I raise my eyebrows. I know Adrian is at UC Berkeley now and is in the same area as Jon, but they''re still a good distance away to be visiting a car dealership together.


    "Yeah. He''s not buying a car, he''s just coming with me, um, to give opinions. Eh, by the way, want to do a road trip this winter break? You, me, Chloe, and Adrian, maybe? Hit some of the national parks and just go around California?"


    "I''ll need to check with Chloe first. She''s going to be working and everything, so it might be harder for her to get time off, I don''t know."


    Just the mention of Chloe makes me smile. She did so well in the hotel job that she managed to get recommended to work at a high-end restaurant in downtown LA. Since she is interested in recipe development, she is also being sponsored to study at the Institute of Culinary Education as a part-time student. Not directly going to college actually worked out so well for her.


    "Oh, that''s right, she''s still working. But dude, have you tried her food? Audrey and I went to the Marriott Hotel before she got transferred out, and ordered all the dishes she''s in charge of, and they''re so good sia!"


    Pride fills my heart before a pang of jealousy takes over. I never got to try Chloe''s food at her workplace, because she would use up all her vacation days whenever I returned to Singapore. Then again, I got to spend time with her, which was a lot more valuable.


    "Not yet, but she''s going to be working near me now, so I can visit her to try any time."


    "Wah, but honestly, she''s going to be working and going to culinary school? Her life will be so busy sia."


    "Her life is always busy lah," I say with a sigh. "I''m used to it lah. Just got to match her pace and be equally busy with all my internships."


    "Power couple sia, the two of you." Jon laughs. "Seriously though, kudos to you two for surviving a long-distance relationship. I went to the army and within one month, Huimin already started going out with another guy."


    I roll my eyes, even though Jon won''t be able to see it. "You two weren''t even dating lor." My voice lowers as I add, "And you know how much Chloe and I have been fighting."


    Indeed, the past year has been challenging¡ªbeing separated by a huge time difference is a whole struggle by itself. Sometimes Chloe would get mad at me for ditching our daily calls for a party, and sometimes I would get mad at her for not telling me about her ever-changing work schedules. The fights never lasted long though, and we always made it a point to patch things up before the end of the week. When it comes down to it, it''s all about communication and trust¡ªand Jon''s occasional mediation.


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    "Oh, I know," Jon says, and I can hear the eye roll in his tone. "You two are the reason why I don''t ever want to date a girl anymore. So much crying, good grief."


    How I wish I could punch him right now. "Shut the fuck up lah. I cannot believe you''re saying that when you know a dramatic ass guy like Lobang exists." A thought strikes me and I add, "Wait, so no more dating girls huh. You''re exclusively going to date guys now?"


    "Oh, um, well." Jon clears his throat. "Actually, I kinda asked Adrian out?"


    It is a bad time for the lanes to be merging right now because I almost crash into the car next to me. I take a while to stabilize the vehicle before exclaiming, "No fucking way. I knew something was up. When? And what do you mean kinda? Tell me everything."


    "Yeah, it''s a... it''s a story. Tell you next time lah."


    "Oi, you can''t just say that and then choose to not elaborate!"


    "You''re driving to the airport now lah! I''ll tell you when you have more time. Need to go now anyway."


    "Fine. FaceTime me tonight. Wait, no, not tonight, I''ll be with Chloe. FaceTime me whenever Chloe is at work and I don''t have class. Chloe comes first."


    "Great, now I have two schedules to think about when I want to talk to you."


    "Same for me too, now that you''re dating Adrian!"


    "We''re just¡ª" He cut himself off with a sigh. "Yeah lah, yeah lah. Okay, call you back."


    It takes another ten minutes to get to the airport, and then another fifteen to find a spot in the parking lot. My feet are practically floating as I trot towards the terminal Chloe is supposed to arrive at. Traffic was bad, but I made sure to leave early so I could arrive on time. At least, I hope I am on time.


    Just as I am whipping out my phone to check the flight status, I hear a voice that causes my heart to flutter like a butterfly.


    "RJ!"


    I spin around so quickly that a wave of dizziness hits me. Before I can recover, a body crashes onto mine. I stagger a little but I manage to hold onto her. It''s Chloe.


    Finally, Chloe is here.


    She wraps her legs around me, koala-on-tree-style, and buries her head into my neck. We spin around a few times, and I get so light-headed I start to giggle. She laughs too, her warm, minty breath tickling my neck¡ªdid this girl brush her teeth on the plane?


    "I miss you so much, Chloe," I whisper as I plant kisses in her hair.


    Her laughter slowly turns into a sob. I can feel my blouse getting damp. This girl cried almost every week while calling me, and now, even when we are together, she''s crying again.


    "Silly girl, why are you crying lah?" I whisper in between my kisses.


    "Shut up, okay?" she mumbles. "I''ve been waiting for this day for too long. Let me soak this in."


    I cannot help but chuckle again. We embrace like this for a long moment before my arm eventually buckles and I have to put her down. As Chloe wipes her face, I take her luggage.


    "Come on. Let''s get you settled down first, yeah?"


    We leave the airport hand-in-hand and make our way back toward the parking lot.


    "How was the flight?" I ask as we weave through pedestrians across a hectic crosswalk.


    "Way too long. I don''t know how you do this every year."


    I give her hand a squeeze. "You''ll get used to it." We reach the elevator and I press the button. "How''s everything back home? Did your mom cry when you left?"


    "So much. Both of us did. But it''s okay lah, I don''t feel too bad leaving her since she''s seeing someone now. I haven''t met him yet, but I think she''s very happy with him. She smiles like an idiot every weekend after their dates."


    "That''s good. Your mother deserves the best."


    Chloe nods. "Emma cried too. I''ll miss her a lot sia. She promised to visit me this winter break. Maybe we can even travel together somewhere?"


    "Sure." The elevator arrives and we enter. "Oh, actually, Jon and Adrian want to do something then too. Maybe I should ask Lobang and the rest of them if they wanna come along. Then the whole gang will be here."


    The other three of my friends, Logan, Audrey, and Huimin, are studying at the National University of Singapore together with Emma. It''s the best local university, so honestly, I''m shocked that Logan actually managed to get in.


    "That''ll be fun," Chloe agrees.


    We reach my car and I help Chloe put her luggage into the trunk. Settling into the car, I  put on my shades and start the engine. I notice Chloe staring at me with mouth agape.


    I frown. "What''s up?"


    "I- I don''t know." Chloe averts her head. "It''s just... You''re, like, so much cooler now."


    Raising my eyebrows, I tease, "I''ve always been cool. Didn''t you have a crush on me because I was so cool?"


    Chloe rolls her eyes, but I see the smile on her lips. "Stop bringing that up lah," she grumbles.


    I take her hand and kiss it. "I''m the lucky one to have an angel with me in the City of Angels."


    Her smile widens and her face flushes. "Let''s go lah." She entwines her fingers in mine. "Can''t wait to see all the places you''ve been telling me about."


    "There''s so many places I want to show you, and so many more I want to discover with you."


    We smile at each other for a while, and I savor the fact that she is right here, right in front of me. We''ve been through so much¡ªso ridiculously much¡ªand now finally, this girl I''m madly in love with is here with me. Chloe from my class and Cherry from the bar is now my girlfriend and the soon-to-be best chef in the world. And I cannot stop smiling at the fact.


    I pull away from the curb. Exit the airport.


    And enter a new chapter in our lives.

 Thank you for reading!

    Hello there! Thank you so, so, so much for reading. I truly appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed as much as I''ve enjoyed writing this.


    And so... what now? Well, firstly, there will not be a direct sequel for this book, but I am writing a new book focusing on a different couple, with RJ and Chloe as prominent side characters. Once I am done writing and editing it, I will post it up on my profile. Follow me to find out when it will be dropped! (Actually, not too sure if Royal Road has this feature...)


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    I also have many other completed books up on my profile that would mean a lot if you would check them out too! <3


    Lastly, if you loved this book and would love to tip me for my work, the link to my Ko-Fi is included in the post-chapter author note. All proceeds will go directly into caffeine to help me write more. ;)


    And that''s all folks. Peace out and have a great day.