《Weird is a understatement》


 Ecentric

    The class is a mess. A room filled with kids roaming around, destroying every little thing that is in their way. Teacher shouting from every corner. Why shall they not be silent, why shall they not have peace. Here in my little space, acting like nothing happening though I shall still get in trouble for my class mess. The bell rings. I shall go to my next class, kids running around the halls like there is no tomorrow. I get to my next class, it''s maths so I did not expect the difficulty to be high as I am an expert at it. I sit at my desk quietly, ain''t trying to make a mess. My teacher presents me with a challenging task when she announces ¡§Hello, my class today we got a new student please present yourself.¡§ I was lucky enough to skip this last class since the class would not let the teacher talk yet it seems impossible to skip it. The teacher asked ¡§Would you please present yourself¡§ with one of the fakest smiles I''ve seen and that''s saying a lot. I stood up and said ¡§My name is Agnes.¡§ All the kids stopped doodling and drawing on their desks and looked at me, I started sweating, never liked so many eyes on me. ¡§Agnes? Huh never heard that name¡§ the teacher claimed. ¡§THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WITCHES NAME¡§ a kid added. The teacher made the student shut up, yet I couldn¡ät stop thinking about it. ¡§A witches name? Huh that sounds interesting¡§ I whispered, ¡§Yes Agnes? You said something?¡§ I shaked my head. Class was over, lunch was starting. I put on some headphones since I could not stand the sound of the cafeteria. One of the headmasters walked up to me and said ¡§You can not wear headphones,take them off¡§ I had to follow the rules so I did. I sat at a table alone, eating my lunch. A lot of kids came up to me to try to talk but it just felt like my brain did not funcion enough to bring words to my mouth. Thankfully lunch ended and I had just one more class to go until I could go home. Nothing really interesting happened at class. School was finished. I was at my locker getting my stuff when out of nowhere a girl appeared, she was wearing really high boots, a white turtleneck sweater and a skirt. She looked like a model. ¡§Hey! I heard you''re new, my name is Autumn, what''s yours?¡§ She asked, I responded ¡§My name is Agnes..¡§ without a second passing by Autumn shouted ¡§AGNES!? That''s SUCH a cool name¡§ which I smiled at. ¡§Well Agnes, I think your fit is amazing just needs more colours but neutral colours are amazing!¡§ she claimed, I smiled and said ¡§Thanks I like yours too.¡§ She smiled and asked me ¡§So you walking home hm? Where is your flat?¡§ I told her where my flat was and it ended up being the same path as her flat. We walked together. At the walk she was telling me about her dream to become a model but had trouble because she got really angry easily if people did not agree with her then we chatted a little more. Out of nowhere she asked a very particular question ¡§Why did you not talk to no one at lunch?¡§ which I replied saying ¡§When too much sound is going on, I feel like my brain does not function which is a weird thing but it''s probably because of me being introverted and never liked being around crowds.¡§ Autumn smiled and said ¡§I used to have that problem too, not the brain not working I used to be really anti-social but I learnt people aren''t as bad as I thought.¡± She looked around ¡§Well isn''t this your flat¡§ she claimed. I smiled and let out a small ¡§mhm¡§ then waved and went in. I saw nobody was home so I guessed dad was at work or out with his friends. I went to my room and saw my moving boxes had arrived. I knew I had to unpack them before the end of the way so I did. Me and my dad had moved from our old town since my parents got separated. Tomorrow I had to visit my mum so while unpacking I was also trying to get all my things prepared for tomorrow. I heard a little ring, I knew my dad had arrived and I went rushing downstairs to open the door for him. I opened the door, ¡§Let me guess, your gonna tell I was wrong about me being earlier to home than you¡§ he claimed, I let out a big laugh and said ¡§Mhm, as always you''re wrong.¡§ We walked into the flat, we sat at the couch, watched some tv then he asked ¡§You got all your things ready for Elizabeth¡äs flat?¡§ Well that was creepy he had never called mum by her actual name no matter though I still nodded. After that we just unpacked more and ate dinner. My mum had got me some new pjs so I just decided to try them on but when I touched them I felt like I would never want to touch them again. I felt a little shiver through my body and closed my eyes like a big sound was near. I decided to put on my old pjs. I told my dad about it yet he just said it was probably the fabric was weird that he would look into the fabric later. I ended up going to sleep after that. When I woke up, I did all the things I do every morning, take a shower, eat breakfast and dress. I wore the same clothes that I do every day, just a very used brown hoodie, dark grey sweatpants, and some used tennis. Sadly, I had to wear two backpacks, one for school and the other one for the things I need for when my mum picks me up. I got to school and put my backpacks at my locker. On my way to class I found Autumn in the hallway ¡§HEY AGNES¡§ she roared while waving aggressively. ¡°H-hey Autumn '''' I stuttered, I didn''t want to catch anyone''s attention. Autumn ran so fast like they were a racing car to hug me, I''m not a really huggy type yet I hugged her back. ¡°Soooo you''re heading to class? We have our first period together right¡± she expressed ¡°I don''t really know, I didn''t see you at class yesterday, but to be honest I was highly distracted by everything that was going on¡± I added, ¡§ Well your room is also 245A?¡§ I asked. She nodded, I think I made a friend. She''s one of the people who I do not find weird. It is like they are not like others if I explain it myself. She walked up to me and they asked ¡°Also I got you a biscuit you are not allergic to anything right?¡± Then I stated ¡°No, I''m not allergic to anything for what I know¡± She handed me the biscuit, and said ¡°Eat it at lunch unless you want Mrs.Jonhs to catch you¡± Mrs.Johns huh so that''s the name of that teacher, I did not know any name of my teachers and I could not bother to ask them plus it would be embarrassing since it means I did not pay attention to them introducing themselves to me. ¡°Ok.¡± I added. When we arrived at class, everyone was handed a worksheet yet I was handed a ¡°Let me know you¡± sheet. Never liked this type of sheet, they just asked insignificant questions that she wasn''t gonna read. This wasn''t the case this time though, since I was the only new student of course she was gonna read it. First question ¡°What''s your name you go by¡± A name I go by? Ummm Agnes- I mean thats my birth name I guess. ¡°Pronouns?¡± For some reason they only had he/him, she/her, they/them. I wanted a mix of them so I just put ¡°All¡± at the corner and circled it. I never care much about pronouns since I dress feminine sometimes and sometimes I dress masculine, since a child I never really understood gender norms. ¡°Sexuality/Gender¡± Why does she need to know this? She does not need to know my sexuality, what does she need it for? To ship me with someone huh like I would let that pass, I just wrote ¡°Queer¡± for the gender I just put ¡°Non-binary or Agender¡± I could care less about gender, yet it is something I think about everyday. More questions appeared ¡°What do you like to do for free time¡± ¡°Vibe to music while being at a silent room¡± and then more questions ¡°Favourite movie¡± ¡°Dunkirk¡± ¡°Favourite Singer¡± hmmmm well that''s a hard one- I wrote more than one because I could not choose ¡°Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Zayn Malk, Girl in Red, One direction (I know I just named them already.)¡± Yeah¡­.I could not choose one and the questions continued like they were an essay for the whole class. When I finally finished, I handed it to her. She added ¡°So you''re a big fan of One Direction huh?¡± and let out a big laugh ¡°I remember the days I used to be in love with them, used to be a big directioner I even went to a concert with them, sadly you guys shall not see their amazing shows but you know Louis promised right¡± she stated with a smile. I smiled back while thinking Should I tell her some fun facts about them that she might not know?? No, I would be too annoying but I mean I can still do it¡­..NO! NO! Be a normal kid and stay quiet and just smile so that''s what I did. I stayed quiet. I always felt that I needed to stay quiet for anything I felt passionate about, all the kids didn''t talk about each individual bone of an otter at age 5. I just wasn''t normal for what I knew. I want to be normal. Then all my classes went like normal, noisy kids, couples acting like they are gonna last more than 2 days, teachers mad, fights, you know a normal tuesday. Then recess came, gosh I hate recess. The amount of sound, kids shouting, adults shouting to shut up the kids, lights everywhere. There is just too much going on. So like usual, I shut off and try to don''t cry. Something is different this time, Autumn saw me and ran with me with another kid. I had never seen them before but that wasn''t important at that time. They saw me and went to me and started hugging me saying everything shall be alright then they were talking but the only thing I heard was ¡°That is called a sensory overload¡± from the random kid. Sensory overload? I never heard of that before, I had no idea what it meant, but I had the urge to find out what it was. I kept the whole day quiet, and I was following Autumn when she said ¡°Oh also the kid that helped you when you know what happened¡­well his name was Ezra.¡± I responded ¡°Oh well if you see him tell him I say thanks.¡± ¡°School is about to be over innit?¡± I asked, I knew the answer but I wanted to create a new conversation. I didn''t want to talk about what happened. ¡°Yea you got anything to do?¡± asked Autumn. ¡°I don¡¯t know, I''m going to my mum¡¯s house today.¡± I told her, ¡°Oooooo sounds like so much fun¡± she responded.


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

 Nah..Can鈥瞭 be...Right?

    I smiled and headed my way through the car pick up. I saw my mum¡¯s car and walked and put my stuff in the back. ¡°Hey sweetie, how was school? Why are you wearing so many used clothes? Doesn¡¯t your dad buy you new clothes? What about the clothes I sended you?¡± ¡°No mum it''s just that-'''' I tried to talk but it''s like she could not hear me, she kept complaining about me wearing the same stuff and about my dad.She is always like this, never cares about anything else than what my dad does wrong and the clothes I wear. We got to her house, it was gigantic. She showed my room, full of pink, not a corner of a shade of pink. It was pretty just that it felt forced, forced into being the perfect absolute feminine mall loving girl..The only time I went to the mall was to go shopping for books nothing else, if I need clothes I do it  online. Anyways I saw a cute dress on the bed with a note saying ¡°I bought you new clothes. I hope you like them if you don¡¯t just tell me and later we are gonna have a mom-daugher moment at the mall! It''s gonna be so fun.¡± I smiled for a moment when my mom had written a letter for me, then I re-read it ¡°The mall¡± There is a reason why I never been to a mall not because I¡¯m just not ¡°like other girls'' '' stereotype of a person everybody thinks I am. The crowds, conversations everywhere, not a single second of silence, how was I to deal with that with my mother. I had never told about my panic around crowds and not long ago I had one so I was terrified for it to happen again. I overthink every single moment of what might happen. I thought ¡°People are gonna record me, I''m gonna start crying, my mom is gonna think I am a weirdo, she is gonna send me to a mental hospital.¡±  AAAAAAH if I thought I would just shush. I decided to take my phone out and opened ¡°Finch¡± and took some deep breaths. After calming down I decided to not wear the dress because I did not know if the same thing would happen that happened with the other pjs. I went downstairs and saw my mom almost at the doorstep ¡°Ooh¡­.You are still wearing that¡­I guess the dress did not fit?¡± she asked, I nodded. It probably did fit but it just was not me. We got into the car, and headed to the mall. ¡°So the mall here has a Justice store but that''s probably too young for you and a lot more shops. It also has a gym. You know we can buy some stuff for you to exercise when you''re with your dads and come to the gym when you are on time.You are getting a little you know¡­¡­what I am trying to say.¡± Gosh this was already bad enough and then she decided to bring up my weight. I had always struggled with my weight, some months ago I got diagnosed with a binge-eating disorder yet I never told my mum. Thankfully I am getting better and recovering but exercise brings back all of those feelings.¡±Mum¡­..¡± I whispered under my breath, ¡°Yes darling?¡± she asked, ¡°Um¡­.¡± Thoughts came over my brain, what was she going to say? Was she going to say I am just faking it? I might as well not tell her¡­..¡±Actually nevermind I am excited to go to the gym with you¡± I said with a forced smile. We walked through a few shops and bought some stuff. Then we got home, ¡°Also before you go to your room, here is a gift: it''s a computer so you do you know whatever teenagers do on the computer¡± she pointed out. ¡°Oh my god! Thanks mum¡± I took it and went to my room. I knew what I had to search up, ¡°What is a sensory overload¡± tons of things popped out but one got my attention. ¡°Sensory overload is mostly on autistic people¡± ¡­¡­Autistic people¡­.? No, that could not be right.  I am not autistic¡­..right? Nah you know what I am gonna prove to myself that I am not. ¡°Symptoms for Autism¡± I scrolled through it for some hours. ¡°Frick! It''s 4 am already!¡±  ¡°I have school tomorrow ahhh well technically today gosh gosh I better get some sleep¡± I told myself, but I could not get any sleep the thoughts going through my head about how specific I kinda fitted to the ¡°Standards¡± of autism yet did not fit for others. I looked at the clock in desperation, 4:30 am gosh. You know what it''s not like I am gonna fall asleep. I look through it more, ¡°Spectrum huh¡­..? Maybe that''s why I do not fit the standards because it is not the same for everyone¡±...¡±Wait no! How could I be thinking I am autistic I came to prove myself that I am not¡­..I think..I mean- Is it that bad afterall¡­.If it is this then I would be able to get help¡­.but like what if I think I fit in because I am trying to give myself a reason for my weirdness¡­¡± I got a glance  at the clock for a few seconds. My mum rushed to open the door ¡°HEY YOU GONNA BE LATE FOR SCHO-! Wait, you''re already woken up- Why? School work giving you an all-nighter?¡± she asked. I nodded and opened a random school tab I had opened and showed her. Then she continued saying ¡°Oh okay well get ready for school or your gonna be late the drive to school is highly long that''s why we are leaving so early be ready by 5:30!¡± I got up and took a shower, doing my routine as always. Hmm? Was routine one of the symptoms wasn''t it? Nah everyone does routine might have read wrong. I got all dressed up and ate. I checked the clock at 5:25 and barely made it in time. Usually if I have time left I would drink some coffee yet it did not seem that way. Thankfully I was going to stay in my mum''s house for a couple days so I did not have to get used to another schedule of waking up early again. Whenever my schedule of what I do daily changes it has to be somehow permanent for at least a week. Sadly that was not the case this time. On my way to the school I was in the back listening to music while overthinking about how I was going to deal with the fact of having to switch a lot and having different schedules every time. I hope I just get used to it, my mum and my dad are too different types of people. My dad knows that I hate switching my routine even one bit and that if I do I will have to keep that change permanently till it becomes part of my routine. While my mum is all about change, well I mean she is diagnosed with ADHD so I would say it makes sense. Oh wait, that''s another point I cannot be autistic I have ADHD I cannot be autistic while having ADHD I think. Ughhh I will not sleep well again. I am used to it. I get the urge of jumping walls when I go to sleep so I guess I am used to it. After a few hours of thinking I arrived at the school, my mum was not lying. It was a long way from home to school. ¡§Bye darling love you have a good day!¡§ My mum told me ¡§Love you too¡§ I responded. I entered and saw everyone but could not find Autumn. I had a worried face but then I saw the kid who helped me last time, Ezra was their name I am pretty sure. ¡§Oh Heyyy!!! You are Autumn''s friend aren''t you? Are you doing better than last time? I was looking for you here. They help during times like lunch and the teacher doesn''t notice them like the big chunky ones¡§ They said with a big smile brightly as they gave me some sensory headphones. ¡§Uhm thanks¡§ I stuttered. I hate talking to new people mostly if I have never had an interaction with them. ¡§Hm? Not good socializing huh? It''s fine, umm are you good with hugs? I like asking before anything.¡§ they asked ¡§I mean yeah I guess so I guess ask unless I look like I am giving you permission¡§ I responded. They smiled brightly, like they were smiling ear to ear. ¡§Well let''s walk to class shall we?¡§ they added. We walked together and I left them in their class and I walked to mine. They were not so bad after all. They were pretty nice actually. All classes went fine, I actually got to use the sensory headphones and Ezra was right. Teachers don''t notice them. I even got to use them during class not only during lunch and no one noticed. After finally having a good day without any breakdowns I was able to think a lot and did some research while some free time I had at school. I saw that it is possible to have ADHD and Autism. Is being autistic even that bad? Is it that big of a deal at the end? Why do people make such a big deal about it?  It is not even bad. ¡§Hey! Hey school ended lad, you need to zone back in¡§ A random person said, wait it was not a random person it was Ezra. Frick I had zoned out I got up and ran to get my stuff. My mum said she needed to pick me up early so she got an appointment. I ran through the doors I got in the car. I could barely breathe. I had run out of breath. ¡§S-Sorry I am late¡§ Those were the only words that were able to get out of my mouth. I was so tired. My mum left me at the house alone and she went to her appointment. Tomorrow I am getting picked up by my dad so I started packing up. By the time I was finished packing my mum was not home yet. I started searching up how much was autism diagnosis. It is about $1,000 to $2,000. Wow It is highly expensive. Well I mean my mum can pay for it but my dad is the only one I feel comfortable talking about it with.


    The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.