《My Brother, the boy next door》


 CHAPTER 1

    There was a boy, who used to live next door. He was 3 years younger than I was and believe it or not, we weren¡¯t exactly on friendly terms. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because we¡¯re of the opposite gender or because our interests were not really aligned. But he always ignores me whenever he sees me and becomes irritably angry, especially when his mother forced him to come over because of my dad¡¯s friendly invitation, Erik Von.


    He was always quiet and lonely. He never says a word, any more than he has to. He always keeps to himself and whenever I did see him, be it at school, or at his front porch, he was always holding this book he treasured. To be honest, I really hated him. I tried getting along with him just as my dad requested, but it¡¯s to no avail. He¡¯s just incapable of getting along and it only made things worse five years later. I turned 18 years old at that time and he was 15. My dad came in after having dinner with Ida Madison, his mother, as if they had a big announcement. And they did! ¡°We¡¯re getting married!¡±


    I was shocked and I already expected as much, considering how close they''ve gotten lately. I turned around and went to see his reactions, but he only looked as though the world should end. He hated me so much and he hated my dad. So this announcement only made him much more unbearable than usual, but it¡¯s not like I was feeling particularly happy about the news either. Yet, with how happy they were, it got even harder to say how unpleasant this will become, so we both ended up saying nothing. I mean, I haven¡¯t seen Dad this happy since mom left. I could never get in between that and I know it¡¯s the same for him.


    ¡°Josh.¡± That was his name and he would always look displeased whenever I called him, like how he is right now. ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    He was hiding away after the big reveal in his secret place that I found by accident. I knew he was upset and his indifferent expression and him saying nothing only made our relationship more strained when I kept pestering him. We don¡¯t get along and he wasn¡¯t much of a talker either. I guess that¡¯s why I just couldn¡¯t leave him alone and with his complacent attitude, I became an expert of sorts at figuring out his feelings through his expressions and actions from observing him over the past five years.


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    A few days later, I found him sitting alone in the library, reading a book, as per usual. I was concerned about with what happened to our parents, considering we are going to be family soon. So I approached him first again with that intention in mind, since I figured I have to make more of an effort.¡°I see you¡¯re reading a book again.¡±


    He sighed. I sat next to him because I thought he could use some company, but after staying with him for a couple of hours, he started getting annoyed with me. I can tell because his eyebrows were beginning to twitch. ¡°Diane. Leave me alone.¡±


    I shook my head. ¡°No can do. I mean, I¡¯m graduating soon, Josh. Can¡¯t you be a little nicer to me? And besides, we are going to be brother and sister soon.¡±


    ¡°YOU ARE NOT MY SISTER!¡± He slammed his book shut, but then he looked at me like I¡¯m a speck of dust that shouldn¡¯t even be here. He was prepared to leave and the angrier he looked, it became even clearer how much despised he has for me and my father since we couldn''t even tell how he felt at the beginning. I have never seen him get this mad before. I don¡¯t know if this means we¡¯re getting closer or even further apart. ¡°It has always been me and my mom. It will always be me and my mom. So why should I bother to be nice to people that mean nothing to me? You and your dad might¡¯ve crawled your way into MY FAMILY, but that does not mean you are actually my family. So do me a favor and just disappear, I do not need a wannabe sister that does not know her place. So don¡¯t be nice to me. Because I will never be NICE to you. You don¡¯t owe me anything and I don¡¯t owe you because WE DO NOT EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER. We are not family, Diane. So let¡¯s keep it that way and stop pretending that we are.¡±


    I guess it¡¯s the latter.

 Chapter 2

    He walked away after that as if he was running away from something. That was actually the first and last time we had a proper conversation together. I mean, I know he hates me. But I didn¡¯t expect it to be to this extent. Since that day, I have given him his wish. I never talked or approached him without a good reason. So just as he have always wanted, I disappeared from his life.


    Dad married his mom a few months later and I kept my distance ever since. As soon as I graduated high school, I moved out for college in the east coast. I took a part time job to keep me busy and so I can focus studying college further away from him. I still talk over the phone with dad and his mom from time to time, but I never visited and before I know it, four years have passed.


    As soon as I graduated, I begun job hunting for a digital marketing assistant. I have no idea how Josh has been since I left and I could only imagine that he¡¯s in college now since he turned 19 last fall. I sent him postcards from time to time every year on his birthday, since that''s my obligation as his older sister. However, that¡¯s where our relationship ends.


    On my way home from a job interview, I got a phone call from dad. It was raining and the thunder was almost deafening. I had a bad feeling about this day and I was right. He called about Josh, but he knows I don¡¯t want anything to do with him anymore. That¡¯s why I never asked him how he was or what he was up to. Dad knows how I feel about this, so hearing him talk about Josh made my blood boil. ¡°Dad? If this is about Josh, I don¡¯t wanna know. I I told you-¡±


    ¡°-JOSH IS MISSING, DIANE!¡± I was about to unlock my door when dad told me that one sentence, cutting me off. I was so shocked and disturbed that I dropped my keys. I ruffled my hair with my hand from the stress hearing dad talk. I didn¡¯t know how to handle this situation. Something terrible must''ve happened. ¡°HE¡¯S MISSING!¡±


    ¡°What do you mean he¡¯s missing?¡± I stumbled on my words for a second, asking all sorts of misguided questions. ¡°Dad! He can¡¯t be missing. He¡¯s not a kid anymore. I mean, tell me, what exactly happened? what did you do?¡±


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    ¡°He was angry.¡± Dad began explaining Josh¡¯s strange behavior a few weeks ago. Apparently, the reason why Josh took a gap year as soon as he graduated high school was because he was considering enlisting himself in the military, just like his father. No one knew he was making this kind of decision. Not even his own mother, Ida, knew about this. ¡°Josh¡¯s father was a military man; an ambitious, duty-driven man. He loves his job more than his family. Josh looks up to him like a hero and he died doing the job he loved.¡±


    Dad looks heartbroken and I tried to comfort him in the best way I could, however, I don¡¯t think it was enough. He mumbled. ¡°I guess I wasn¡¯t enough to replace him.¡±


    I sighed. From what I understood, Ida found out about his plans to enlist when she was cleaning his room and scolded him for it, but unlike his usual self, he argued back in a way I could never imagine and in a fit of anger, he grabbed his backpack and took off on his bicycle since he didn¡¯t have a car.


    For the next few days, I spent all my free time with Dad and Ida since the police can¡¯t do anything about Josh at the moment and spent my days off at their home. ¡°Miss, for the last time, your son is 19 years old. He is of age. If it was his wish to enlist, we officially can not do anything. Even if you filed for a missing person¡¯s report, there was nothing of the sort we could do since he''s not technically missing."


    Ida grabbed the policeman in his collar in her grief. ¡°Then- then, how about as a runaway? Can I file him as a runaway?¡±


    ¡°Miss, I promise you, we will look into this matter and find your son." He shook his head. ¡°So please do not call 911 again."


    As soon as the police left, Dad took Ida back to their room so that she can take a breather and sleep the night off. Dad came back downstairs and saw me drinking hot cocoa while sitting on the couch. Dad smiled and sat right next to me. ¡°Still prefer hot cocoa to coffee, huh?¡±


    ¡°Yup. It might be sweet. But I liked it that way.¡± I took a sit and placed it down on the coaster. ¡°Hey, dad. Do you think things would be different if I never left?¡±


    ¡°Oh, sweetheart.¡± Dad hugged me as if to comfort me. He couldn¡¯t answer, because no one really knew what the correct answer was. We know nothing of what was going on inside Josh''s head and I guess we never will unless he comes back. Until then, this guilt will be hanging over me like a thread on a needle because back then, all I could ever think of was, I wanted to see him again.

 Chapter 3

    That night, I slept in my old room that I haven¡¯t seen in four years. It still looks the same as when I left. My old stereo is still here and the books I didn¡¯t take with me are still left in my old bookshelf and my bedsheets remain the same. It was amazing, really, they didn¡¯t change a single thing.


    For some reason, I couldn¡¯t sleep for hours. I went downstairs to get a glass of milk when I spotted Dad and Ida arm in arm on the couch together in the living room. ¡°Erik, Erik, what do we do? If he, if something happens to Josh, my son, what would I-¡±


    ¡°Hush. Shh.¡± I saw dad take Ida in his arms as if he was hugging her. ¡°It will be fine. Everything will be fine. It has to be fine. Don''t worry, I''m still here." Ida continued to cry, so dad started humming this familiar song and slowly, but surely, she was starting to calm down. I didn¡¯t know what happened after because I went back upstairs. On my way, I stopped by Josh¡¯s room, which was right across mine. ¡°It smells just like him.¡±


    I miss him.


    We never got along. We hated each other to the point where we could not stand being in the same room together. And yet, why do I miss him this much?


    I sat on his bed and began to cry silently. This time, the tears just won¡¯t stop. It hurts. I didn¡¯t think it would hurt this much. ¡°Diane?¡±


    Dad saw me in Josh¡¯s room, sitting on his bed. He looked worried, so he sat right next to me, ¡°is something wrong?¡±


    ¡°Dad.¡± I muttered, struggling to find the right words to say next.¡± What would have happened if mom never left?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± he looked worried for a moment. ¡°Honey, where is this coming from? You never wanted to talk about her since the divorce.¡±


    ¡°I just-¡± he was right. I never talked about it. I was just putting up a front, per se. Maybe that¡¯s why Josh hated me so much, because he never pretended he was happy. I, on the other hand, was. I didn¡¯t want to talk about it because then, it will be real that she¡¯s really gone and hearing that humming song brought it all back. It was the song mom and dad sang to me before I went to sleep and I never heard that song again when mom left. I guess this is more than about Josh leaving. ¡°Why did you ever stop singing that lullaby to me, dad?¡±


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    ¡°What?¡± I know dad doesn¡¯t want to talk about it either and neither do I. But I need to know before things get anymore complicated. I need to know the real reason she left us all those years ago. ¡°Diane, where is this coming from? You never-¡±


    ¡°I KNOW!¡± My patience lasted for about five more minutes and Dad seemed more surprised than I was. Because we never had this kind of conversation before. ¡°You were hurt. I was too. You were not the only one who got hurt. But I know how painful it was for you, because I saw. I saw you crying in your room the night mom left. You never talked about it and you never cried in front of me. But we still went on with our life as if nothing happened., and that it not okay! Not anymore."


    ¡°Diane.¡±


    I continued. ¡°To be honest, Dad, that hurt the most. Because even though mom left. It feels like I lost you too. Because we used to talk more about everything.¡±


    ¡°Oh, honey.¡± He hugged me as a sign of understanding and regret while I silently cried in his arms. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so sorry. I didn¡¯t know.¡±


    I slowly pulled away from him and asked the question I¡¯ve always wanted to know for so long. ¡°Dad. Why did mom leave?¡±


    He signed. ¡°I don¡¯t know where to start. It wasn¡¯t anything serious or anything like that. I know how much you love your mom. I guess that¡¯s why I never told you. I didn¡¯t want you to blame her for the pettiness that happened between the two of us and I know how much your mother loved you, too.¡±


    I mumbled. ¡°If she loved me, she wouldn¡¯t have left.¡±


    ¡°Oh, honey.¡± Dad continued. ¡°She didn¡¯t leave because she stopped loving you. It was just us. It was always us. It¡¯s like that between couples sometimes. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve heard the story about your mother and I.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, you guys were high school sweethearts.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡± Dad went to his cupboard that was always locked away by the hallway near the stairs and I followed. He unlocked the door with an old bronze key. There, he took out a picture of him and mom when they were still in high school among the piles of piles of letters and pictures. ¡°I loved your mother so much and at some point, I always believed we would be together forever. But I guess, it was just wishful thinking on my part. The truth of the matter was, some people just drifted apart.¡±