ã€ŠMonster Maidã€‹


 Prologue- The Darkness

    I have failed in everything I have ever set out to do.

    I dreamed of a world where everything would go right for me. That is how I arrived here. This place I once thought was spectacular. Everything seemed more simple. More pure. Ordered. But it was populated with the same humans from whence I came.

    A species of mammal. So fragile, yet so strong. So different from other animals, and yet so similar. So intelligent, yet so stupid. So righteous, yet so abhorrent.

    And I

    I tipped things in the wrong direction.

    When I performed the miraculous feat of traversing worlds, in that moment, I believed myself to be above that of a human.

    I was a God. Playing as an avatar in a world built for me.

    And now

    Even if that world was never so pure as I believed it to be

    I know I made it worse

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    So, so much worse

    And I spiralled

    And I indulged

    I

    Assumed that it was all unfixable

    And I became the very embodiment of corruption

    With the last of what little good in me is left

    I would like to

    Give you a chance

    My child. My new Avatar

    To do what I failed to do

    To live a life where you bring empathy and love to others

    To put an end to the mindless creature I shall become

    Scum less than human. Less than an animal.

    Even if you are born from the darkness

    A place devoid of all hope

    I want you to glow brighter than any light could ever shine

    And maybe

    Just maybe

    It¡¯s

    Sort of a silly idea

    But

    Maybe if you can

    Make this world just a little bit better

    Then

    Maybe that old place

    That blue planet I find myself missing more and more with each passing day

    Maybe you can prove that there can be a light for them too

    I¡¯m so sorry to everyone I have hurt

    Everyone I will continue to hurt

    But I am the monster that must be slain

    I love

    I love ever so much

    Each and every one of you

    Goodbye

 Chapter 1- Lilly

    The taste of blood lingers on my lips as I am roused awake. The morning sun peeking in through the window I had been laying my head against, the rocking of the limousine disturbing my slumber. My heart spikes. My eyes silently open wide, and I can feel adrenaline rushing through my body. That taste on my lips is that of violence. Sex. Pain. Desire. Even as my fight or flight response kicks in, I¡¯m intoxicated by how good it feels. My eyes glance towards the limo driver. I can only see the back of his head. I don¡¯t know who he is. He might be male, but he looks mighty tasty. All I have to do is remove this damn seat belt and wrap my hands around his neck and-

    ¡°Miss Leywood, are you quite alright? You look positively startled. Did you have a nightmare?¡±

    His words of concern knock me out of my trance. I wipe my lip with the sleeve of my cotton brown shirt, and stare at it. Nothing but a drop of saliva. None of that sweet red. I casually lick my lips just to confirm it. I was just imagining it. And I begin to calm down, and feel guilty. I¡¯m not the sort of person who would do¡­ Whatever the hell I was about to do to this stranger. Soon, I can no longer notice my heartbeat, and to play things off, I stretch my arms into the air and loudly yawn, then begin rubbing the sleepiness out of my eyes.

    ¡°Y-Yes sir,¡± I squeak respectfully, ¡°You¡­ G-Guessed right, it was just a bad dream¡­¡±

    I lie. I don¡¯t understand these ¡®narratives¡¯ most people talk about when they describe their dreams. I dream only of splashes of pitch black, vibrant red and purple, punctuated by those wonderful feelings of intense pain and pleasure. Moans and screams. Love and hate. And that¡¯s all.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to hear that, Miss Leywood. You¡¯ll be pleased to hear that we¡¯ll be arriving at the La Belfonse estate within the hour. Thank you for being patient on this long drive.¡±

    ¡®Pleased to hear¡¯, he says. I¡¯m not sure why I would be pleased about anything. Pleased about being taken from one rich bitch¡¯s house and stuffed into another. That I¡¯d be looking forward to wearing that damn fetishistic maid outfit. And I¡¯m totally looking forward to signing that damn slave contract at gunpoint. Honestly been considering trying to kill the Princess before she can force me into such an agreement. It would be my last middle finger towards this fucking world. I¡¯d kill her then slaughter as many people as I can, and die laughing. And that sounds appealing. Serves them right for thinking they can try to tame and fuck the beast.

    ¡°That¡¯s good to hear. It¡¯ll be nice to get out and stretch my legs¡­¡± I simply respond, my voice is timid and meek, he must think I¡¯m the most cowardly girl alive.

    And I am. Because I¡¯m not the sort of person to give in to my urges. And I¡¯m not going to kill the Princess. No matter what she does to me¡­ I still can¡¯t hurt her. Every time I¡¯ve hurt someone, I hate it. The guilt still eats away at me. I don¡¯t want anything to force me to hurt anyone or anything else, either.

    I''ve met the Princess, too. She doesn''t seem to be afraid of me. That makes her interesting, especially considering what I did to my last owner. That makes me less inclined to kill her.

    Also, she''s hot. A total ''Mommy''. But my last owner was hot, too, so maybe that¡¯s a bad sign. My mood drops again.

    ¡°That¡¯s good,¡± He simply says.

    And with that I have nothing else to go off of. I don¡¯t want conversation anyway. I just want to stew in misery and enjoy these last few moments of freedom, trapped in a vehicle hurtling straight towards my new glittering prison of opulence.

    ~~~

    Of course, it doesn¡¯t last long. There¡¯s not much to think about, not much to enjoy. Before I know it, the estate has come into view, peaking over the hills. We¡¯re driving parallel to the land it owns, over acres of fields and woodlands, and I can see a glistening sapphire blue lake in the distance, twinkling in the sunlight. The road leads towards a series of stunning buildings constructed from white brick, boldly reflecting the sunlight, boasting how clean and beautiful and untarnished it is. The thought of me having to maintain this decadent lie of a structure makes me nauseous. I can see the main manor building, and several others off to the side, maybe guest houses or storage buildings. It¡¯s nicer than the Leywood estate, that¡¯s for sure. Larger, more beautiful and impressive. Can¡¯t wait to live in the worst corners of it.

    The car pulls up right in front of the main building after driving up a mildly steep slope. The road circles a beautiful white fountain, decorated with gold trimmings, spewing clear looking water into the pool below. Several other limos and cars worth more than my life are parked in the circle around the fountain. The limo pulls up outside a pathway leading into the manor. It¡¯s made of white brick, of course, but there¡¯s grass off to the side. In fact, there¡¯s a lot of grass and trees everywhere. And then I notice them. The beautiful white lilies, growing right next to the brick, lining the path. That cannot be a coincidence, right? I want to punch this Princess right in her face!

    I see her stepping out of the building, a cohort of maids, butlers, nobles, and possibly family members at her side. They¡¯re trying to stay concealed from me, but I see security guards in suits, hiding in ¡­ Well, in just about every dark corner, I¡¯m assuming. I know they¡¯re armed. I can smell the gunpowder.

    I was expecting her to be wearing some sort of dress, but no, she¡¯s dressed in a similar way to the last time I met her. A regal military uniform, a red velvet cape, an ornate sword sheathed at her hip. A maid is wiping her face with a towel, another is combing her brilliant blonde hair even as she walks towards the limo, and I can see that she¡¯s sweating. Maybe she really does swing that sword around, and it¡¯s not just for show.

    I want to stay in the car but my driver has already left the wheel and opened the door for me. Reluctantly, I step out, and my eyes immediately glue themselves to the ground once I¡¯m standing. It doesn¡¯t matter, though. I can still feel her piercing red eyes locked on me, as though I¡¯m her prey. I¡¯ve never known eyes that have made me feel so submissive down to my very bones. I shiver a little. I like it even as I hate it.

    ¡°Thank you very much for delivering her. You may leave,¡± She says to the driver, then she steps forward towards me, alone, because I don¡¯t think anyone else present wants to get near me.

    Her voice is like little droplets of sweet blood dripping down into my ear. It¡¯s intoxicating. Powerful.

    ¡°And you would be Lilly, correct? I must assume you want to abandon the Leywood name. I would accept you as a Belfonse.¡±

    As she speaks she bends down, as she seems to be about a full foot taller than me, and places her hand on my chin, forcing my head upwards, forcing me to look at her face, which is mere inches away. Kissing distance.

    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

    ¡°G-Greetings, L-Lady A-Ayano La Belfonse¡­ Um¡­ J-Just L-Lilly is f-fine¡­¡±

    My stammer is always real, my nervousness is always real, but this time feels particularly intense. My knees are weak. Emotions are twisting and turning in my stomach. I tingle all over, from head to toe. I want to eat her. She smells delicious, from the faint peach scent to the sweat dripping off her face, the contrasting smells overlapping into something intoxicating. My tongue is just barely long enough to reach out and lick it. Her skin, slightly too tanned for a Princess, is so smooth and unblemished it hurts. She¡¯s so beautiful that I hardly feel worthy to gaze upon her. But I don¡¯t sniff for more of that scent, lick her, or turn away. I just stare at her, eyes sparkling. I know at that moment that I¡¯m her bitch, with or without a slave contract. Why am I like this? She¡¯s not going to treat me any better the more I like her.

    ¡°Reluctant to join the family, hmm? Well, that¡¯s okay,¡± She whispers in my ear.

    She briefly turns back to her cohort behind her. They¡¯re watching with anxiety and interest. I think they might be afraid for Ayano¡¯s life, but when Ayano turns back to me, I know she doesn¡¯t feel the same fear they do. But I do realize that there¡¯s something that Ayano is more worried about, as she draws a knife from some unforeseen pocket in her clothing, deciding not to use her sword.

    ¡°I know for myself what you are, Lilly. But others here are a bit¡­ Skeptical. I purchased you for a very specific reason. That is why you were taken here by Limousine. Why I had lillies planted to welcome your arrival. I want you to feel special. But I also need to prove to them that you are the real deal. So¡­ Would you be a dear and extend your hand outward, so that everyone might see?¡±

    She turns to look back at the nobles. Most of them nod in approval. She turns back to me, giving me a stern look. I do as she asks. My wrist is shaking. I can already feel my blood ready to erupt as I know what¡¯s coming next. It¡¯s the most excited I¡¯ve been in weeks. It¡¯s beginning to squirm with anticipation. I think my eyes are already turning purple. What excites me the most is that this bitch is insane enough to provoke me without putting me under a slave contract first. I could kill her in front of everyone, all of her family and cohorts and servants. I could sever her head from her neck and skull fuck her eye sockets. She knows all this too, and she¡¯s still doing it. Hell yes! You crazy cunt, give me more! I¡¯m ready!

    And without another word, she does. The knife gently cuts into my wrist. The incision is so shallow, but it¡¯s all that was needed. A splash of insanity flies up into the air, my blood, thick like ink, the colour of deep purple. It solidifies into thousands of tiny tentacles, writing about in the air like newborns starving for their first meal. Everyone in the vicinity covers their ears as each individual tentacle begins to screech and scream in unison. Everyone except me and Ayano.

    Stray splatters of blood that actually hit the ground form themselves into little slug-like creatures, independent from my body, a single eye emerging from within their bodies, tiny red brambles covering their forms, serving as their teeth. They crawl over to the lilies and start to eat them petal by petal, withering their blooming forms completely with their toxins before consuming them. They do this because I want them gone. They know what I want.

    In moments gunfire has already begun. Ayano is commanding them to stop but I already feel the bullets slamming into my body. Such worthless little toys. Teeth form across my body and expertly catch each of the bullets straight out of the air, biting them in half like the useless chunks of metal they are. I could just let them hit me, but they might just pass through me, or bounce off of me¡­ and I don¡¯t want a stray shot to hit anyone. Or maybe I do. It would serve them right for being such idiots.

    ¡°Calm down Lilly, you¡¯ve demonstrated enough!¡±

    She firmly tries to order me but fuck that. This is the first time I¡¯ve ever been able to let loose without being bound by a slave contract. I¡¯m not going to hurt her but¡­ There¡¯s other things I can do.

    My arms have become solid tentacles, each of the tiny ones bonding together to form two adult appendages. My eyes are glowing purple and my skin has turned pitch black. Those new appendages pin her to the ground, effortlessly overpowering her, and I lean over her. I can melt her clothes with a touch without harming her skin. Get rid of that disgusting, pretentious clothing that she wears to look strong, reveal her for the terrified, sexy woman she is beneath the veneer of wealth and status. Think of all the taxpayers money that went into this attire, uselessly going to total waste! My eyes roll into the back of my head and my jaw practically falls off its hinges, my mouth becomes nearly my entire head as rows upon rows of teeth grow down my throat seemingly endlessly. My forked purple tongue, my *real tongue*, emerges from my throat as I begin to drool saliva onto her. I just want to give her a little kiss¡­

    Suddenly, I feel a sharp impact of something blunt collide with my head. It wasn¡¯t the bullets. They were firing those at me even as I had subdued Ayano. Eyes spawn on my body and I look in every direction. Everyone else has either ran away or is rooted to the spot, looking on in terror, probably feeling more fear than they have ever felt in their lives. So what was it?

    Then I finally noticed it. The hilt of her sword, bashed against my head. She had managed to wriggle out from beneath my grasp without me noticing. She hadn¡¯t even unsheathed the blade as she bonked me with it. I look at her face. She¡¯s scowling at me. She¡¯s not afraid. She¡¯s not angry. She¡¯s just disappointed. She only hit me once. She¡¯s not screaming and wailing and hitting me over and over again, begging me to get off of her. She¡¯s just¡­ Disapproving. I¡¯m a hideous eldritch monster, a human with the literal heart of the most evil species of animal in this world, and she¡¯s just mildly upset with me.

    And then I remembered. This Princess is crazy. And I¡¯m her bitch.

    I¡¯m frozen for this entire time. I¡¯m just sort of stunned and confused. My chaotic vibe has been totally cramped. She puts the sword down and flicks me in what I guess you could call the closest approximation of my forehead.

    My heart stops beating, my blood stops pumping, and I gradually begin to return to normal. It all either melts away into sweat and blood or recedes back into my body. The initial cut on my wrist has already fully healed. And I¡¯m back to being me. A normal, pale, timid maid.

    ¡­ A human female maid laying on top of the princess. Torn and melted clothing surrounding us. Metal buttons unharmed, her sword and dagger laying off to the side, undamaged. We¡¯re both basically naked, in front of everyone. It¡¯s not like I can transform into an abomination and keep my clothes in tact, after all. People are staring in disbelief. A few of my spawn are still alive and nibbling on the last of the lilies. Without my frenzy to sustain them, the security guards are able to dispatch them¡­ After unloading an entire magazine into each of them, that is. In such a short amount of time I caused such fear and carnage. A deep, embarrassed blush forms on my face.

    ¡°... I¡¯m so sorry about that, L-Lady Ayano! I just¡­¡±

    I linger on the wonderful feeling of her warm, bare skin for just a few more moments before standing up, taking a few steps away- And immediately about fifty men tackle my ¡®fragile¡¯ human form to the ground. They¡¯re sure to pin me down on the grass rather than the gravel road, lest I draw blood again and my rampage continues. I don¡¯t struggle, and I spy what¡¯s happening from beneath their forms. I see Ayano being helped to her feet and offered a towel to protect her dignity. At least she was lucky enough that her panties remained intact, I guess.

    ¡°Lady Belfonse, thank heavens you¡¯re alright! Are you okay? Did it hurt you? Go inside and rest. We¡¯ll have it killed and safely disposed of immediately-¡±

    ¡°Are you all idiots?¡± Ayano snapped back, ¡°Up until a few minutes ago you weren¡¯t even sure that she was the real deal, and now you¡¯re calling her an ¡®it¡¯ and trying to kill her? For one, after that display, you must all be brain dead to think that you¡¯re even *capable* of killing her. And that¡¯s before I can even begin to lecture you all about ethics, or the practicality of keeping her alive! I was telling everybody to cease fire! All of you, get off of her!¡±

    ¡°But Lady Belfonse I don¡¯t think that¡¯s wise-¡±

    ¡°Are you trying to supersede my authority!? By royal decree I say GET OFF of Lilly right this instant! We shall go inside and draft up the slave contract immediately, will that calm your nerves? Will it? Or perhaps you are all too lacking in spine to be willing to agree to finance the ongoing payment needed to fuel quite possibly the most lucrative and important contract this kingdom has ever seen!¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s just¡­¡±

    ¡°I shall hear no more of it! Dress her, take care of her, and take her up to my office immediately!¡±

    With that, she stormed back into the manor. People tried to usher her inside, but she stormed in by herself, the nobles glancing back and forth between us before steadily beginning to shuffle themselves back inside. This left me with only the security and the butlers and maids. Once they were looking at me, terror in their eyes, my eyes began to sparkle with innocence.

    ¡°I-I¡¯m so sorry for causing a mess, everyone¡­¡± I stammer meekly.

    I already knew what the Princess was like. Or at least, I thought I did. But she''s vastly more fearless, and much sexier than my first impressions had led me to believe. Maybe being her slave won''t be so bad. Maybe this new life won''t be as dreadful as my old life. I still have a tiny bit of time left¡­ But I might play along.

    For now.

 Chapter 2- Ayano

    ¡°Are you absolutely sure about this, Ayano? I just think that-¡±

    ¡°That is *Lady* Ayano to you! We are not children anymore! You will address me with respect, and you will respect my authority, do you understand?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s simply just that-¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re afraid, Ferdinand. I understand that. That¡¯s all you need to say. But I have this under control. Soon there will be nothing she will be able to do to harm anyone. All I need from you is your obedience and your generous donations. Is that too hard for you? Give me the gold I need and this entire country will be saved, the world, even!¡±

    My brother turned his head to the side, refusing to look me directly in the eye.

    ¡°... We save the world, then return the territory the Monstra took back to the Grisians? Return back to that world where armageddon was held over our head at all times? Where the world might end unless we play nice with those rat bastards? I just-¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m getting frustrated with you. I¡¯ve been over this, and each and every time, I think I¡¯ve gotten through to your thick skull, but evidently there¡¯s a reason why I¡¯m heir to the throne and you¡¯re the bottom feeder of our family. The Monstra are not going to sit pretty in Grisia forever. They¡¯re an expansive force. We already know that they¡¯re devouring their way across the oceans, biding their time for a massive attack. Once they¡¯re ready, they could end the world in a day. The joint force of Terrestia¡¯s militaries can only do so much to hold them back. Oh, or did you forget that, after you forced through a cut to the navy¡¯s budget the last time you showed your face in parliament? Hmm? Or how about when you poached one of our top mages to serve as your personal bodyguard?¡±

    I stand up and turn my back to Ferdinand and sigh as I look out of my office window. The gardeners are using scrolls to purify the corruption out front. The toxicity had already begun to spread across the front garden. I haven¡¯t decided what I want to replace those pretty little flowers with. My heart still aches at the sight of seeing those lilies gone.

    I glance back at him. He¡¯s silent. Seething. He thinks he¡¯s a victim because reality doesn¡¯t work the way he wants it too. And I smirk to myself as I realise something. He¡¯s a far more rotten entity, a more corrupting force of nature than Lilly could ever hope to be.

    ¡°Remember this- It¡¯s always more advantageous to put your enemies into debt than it is to slaughter them. That¡¯s why we return the country to the Grisians. And if you¡¯re so worried about the annihilation spheres¡­ Well, we¡¯ve already recruited their top mages. Each and every one of them who was still alive after the Monstra invasion, that is. People who are capable of performing the Ars Nihil Sphaera ritual. So, the power of the annihilation sphere shall belong solely to our great nation¡­ Ahh, and, of course, to the Zeers as well, or did you forget that they, too, have long been capable of wiping out our nation should they desire mutual destruction?¡±

    He¡¯s not satisfied. Of course he won¡¯t be. He hates being wrong but he also hates agreeing with people. Me least of all. But at least I¡¯ve shut him up, for now.

    ¡°Understood, Lady Ayano. I-¡±

    ¡°How about you cut your little visit short, hmm? It would be good for you to take a little break from all this, Ferdinand. Return home and fuck all those purchased wives who don¡¯t love you. Should help you feel a little better.¡±

    There¡¯s a look of anger in his eyes as though he¡¯s about to punch me. In fact, I see his intentions. His every angle of approach, of which there aren¡¯t many, because he¡¯s an oaf with no real combat training. I could neutralise him in about eighty different ways, even with my sword resting against the wall on the other side of the room.

    Without another word, he storms out of the room, and the butler standing outside bows to him as he passes, before bowing to me and shutting the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room.

    I sit back down in my leather office chair and sink into it, practically slumping like some uncouth slob. But it feels good. I need to let off some steam after that. Recenter myself for when Lilly arrives.

    I think back to what happened merely an hour ago. Part of the reason I provoked her Monstra blood the way I did wasn¡¯t just to convince the nobles of her authenticity, but also just to.. *Understand* her on some level. But as I met her for the second time both as a human, and in her monstrous form, I realised that there was a lot I had been overthinking.

    I saw nothing but pain in those pretty green eyes, and even those horrific purple ones. And¡­ When I noticed that, I saw pain in everything about her. Her voice, trembling. The way she moved. The way she restrains herself. In about three minutes, if she had really wanted to, this manor and everyone in it could have been reduced to nothing but blackish purple sludge. I don¡¯t exactly have the mages on hand to neutralise or even kill a powerful Monstra like Lilly. I need them all at the capital, ready at any time to perform the Ars Nihil Sphaera ritual. If a Zeer spy catches wind that we¡¯re vulnerable for even a moment, we could be annihilated as though my country of Selecia had only ever been nothing but a giant, crater shaped lake in the middle of a continent. Thus, not a single mage can be spared for the protection of my estate, because the country as a whole needs them. Especially with nobles like Ferdinand looking to steal away mages for their own selfish protection.

    However, because I noticed that pain, everything else about her clicked into place. Her meek attitude is no act, even if she thinks it is. She¡¯s afraid of inflicting harm, afraid of being feared and hated. She wants nothing more than to be a normal girl. But she has the heart of a Monstra, and Monstras want for nothing more than to indulge in sin to the most extreme extent. It seems she has a particular affinity for wrath and lust in particular. And¡­ I had to admit that it is more than a little concerning that she seems willing to reign in her violence, but struggles more in holding back her sexual urges.

    There¡¯s no doubt in my mind that she was about to rape me. There¡¯s nothing I could have done to stop her.

    Which is why I knew that what I did was the only way to calm down the situation. Just like everyone else in my life, I have to show a force of authority. Pretend that I¡¯m a strong person. That I¡¯m not a feeble liar hiding behind so many layers of masks that I¡¯m not sure who the real me even is anymore. I think she was confused that, for the first time in her life, she had met someone who hadn¡¯t outwardly displayed any fear towards her.

    I was afraid for a moment. Just a brief moment. But I remembered her pain. And I realised that, beneath everything, she¡¯s just a wounded puppy. Unfathomably miserable, starved for real affection. When I glimpsed into that innocent core, my fear ceased, and I was able to muster the strength needed to calm her down.

    And now I know what it is I need to do next.

    ~~~

    Ten minutes later Lilly was escorted into my room. She had been stuffed into the maid dress I had ordered to be tailored to her measurements. It suited her so well. A short skirted, short sleeved black dress, white trim around the hem of the skirt, and over top the skirt was a white little apron tied into a bow at the back. The chest area was white and frilly, and plenty of room was left around her neck and collarbones to highlight the cleavage of her smallish but pretty breasts. Her previously messy long, dark brunette hair had been washed, combed, and braided. It was still slightly damp, and little bows had been tied into her hair too. The outfit was completed by a set of black silk stockings, going up to just above her knees and below the skirt, so her lovely thighs could be admired.

    It was the same outfit all my maids wore, although the head maid received a long sleeved version of the uniform, one which also had a skirt covering her knees. This uniform had been the traditional attire for maids serving the Belfonse family for centuries. I have the power to change it, but if anyone ever brings it up to me, I always use the tradition defence.

    But I like it as is. Because in truth, I¡¯m just a sapphic royal pervert.

    However, no matter how good Lilly looks, I have to stay focused. She clutches the hem of her skirt, trying to pull it down lower in a useless attempt to hide herself out of embarrassment as she is shown to the chair directly opposite me, on the other side of my mahogany desk. She sits down. She¡¯s blushing, and not looking in my direction. Her face is so red one could easily be fooled into thinking her blood really is the same deep crimson as everyone else¡¯s. She really is a chameleon. It¡¯s hard to think she¡¯s the same person who harbours a Monstra within her.

    I turn from her and glance around the room. None of my family members are here, and only one of the other nobles who had visited to negotiate agreements in exchange for gold decided to show up. The Duke of Bluewood, the head of the little estate that had neighboured the Leywood estate. I think he may have seen Lilly a handful of times over the years. He¡¯s a big burly man built like a brick house, more the sort of person you¡¯d assume to be a wrestler rather than a noble. His attire barely fits him, and it¡¯s comical. Besides Bluewood it¡¯s just a handful of maids and butlers, including Priscilla, the head maid. A silver haired beauty with a calm and almost ethereal presence. They were all watching quietly.

    Under ordinary circumstances, I could simply dismiss them from the room. That would make what I was about to do much more simple. Of course, however, as was always the case, I was never allowed the opportunity to let my mask slip. Nearly anyone else would crack trying to remain calm under the pressure I was about to put myself under. But I was so used to navigating the un-navigable that it was second nature to me.

    I don¡¯t waste any time. I reach into my desk drawer and pull out an iron lock box. It has reinforced metal alloys on the interior, and even a carbon mesh designed to be a material tougher than diamond. Even if someone could break in, anybody stupid enough to try and be lucky enough to succeed would suffer a curse of sickness. I drew the arcane circle for the curse myself. I made sure to customise it to my liking, so that the first thing to happen to them is that their testicles or ovaries wither away into permanent uselessness. I¡¯m mature like that. Not petty at all. The safe I normally keep this thing in has even worse curses protecting it.

    It¡¯s heavy, and a struggle to lift, but soon I slam it onto the desk. It doesn¡¯t have any sort of lock that you would usually use a key for, in fact, it doesn¡¯t seem to have a mechanism for opening it at all. That¡¯s because only I can open it in the intended way. I place my hand on the top of the box. The enchantments work together to confirm my identity, utilising my bio-metrics and even reading my soul signature. After a few moments, the lid opens.

    And inside is a stone tablet. It glows faintly blue. Text is written on it, but it¡¯s written in a Grisian language that not even native Grisians themselves could read it. Only a handful of scholars in the world are capable of deciphering this text, and I paid them handsomely to confirm that this item is the real deal.

    ¡°... I see you¡¯re um¡­ N-Not just¡­ U-Using any old slave contract¡­¡± Lilly mutters.

    I can sense the fear in her voice. See it in her eyes, as she stares intensely at the tablet, imagining all the awful things she¡¯ll be forced to do once this chunk of stone binds her to my will.

    ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± I reply firmly, ¡°This is an original slave contract, unearthed straight from the ruins of ancient Grisia. Extracted quite recently, in fact, after Grisian lands became infected by the Monstra. Many people died at the¡­ *hands* of the Monstra just to acquire this for me. You were originally bound to an imitation contract. Written on paper, scribed in our native common language of Selecian. Such a contract attracts a young, greedy, inexperienced spirit who demands the consumption of far more gold each month in order for it to be willing to maintain the power of such a shoddy contract. And, as you well know, once the power of such a weak contract fades¡­ The owner of the contract loses control over her slave. With this one, however, the gold price is cheaper, and the spirit will simply take a month off of my life each month if I do not feed it gold, in order to maintain the contract. It is able to do it because the spirits attracted to this tablet are far more ancient, more powerful, more experienced and patient.¡±

    The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

    ¡°... In other words, even if¡­ Y-You should go bankrupt like¡­ The L-Leywoods¡­ You will¡­ S-Still have control over me¡­ I-Indefinitely¡­¡± Lilly stammers, finishing my thought.

    She gulps. I nod in approval.

    ¡°Correct. It seems we have reached an understanding. Do my witnesses also understand?¡±

    Bluewood, Priscilla, and the others all nod.

    ¡°Good. Then, once each of us have signed this contract in blood,¡± Everyone in the room recedes into themselves at the mention of ¡®blood¡¯, besides Lilly and myself, ¡°You will be forever bound to my will. To the great spirit, I uphold my vow to forever return your kindness. I promise to feed you that which every man and woman desires for the rest of my life, gold, the useless metal, the ultimate symbol of power, the metaphor that upholds order across the world of Terrestia. You shall have all the gold you desire, you shall be fed my desires so that I may fulfil my greater, more important, more decadent dream of laying claim to another¡¯s very soul. I, Ayano La Belfonse, willingly sign this contract.¡±

    The air in the room became heavy, and the tablet began to glow even brighter. Almost everyone could feel it. Like the air had suddenly become twice as heavy, and infinitely more oppressive. The will of an entity far more powerful than anyone had ever known had its attention on this room. And it was listening. Lilly was, of course, cowering, and on the verge of tears, but I sensed that even the Monstra inside of her was receding in fear.

    I took my quill, and pricked my thumb, covering the nib in my blood. The sound of a stone scratching echoed around the room as I scribbled down my name onto the tablet, before handing a different, clean quill to Lilly.

    ¡°There will be no mercy shown to you if you do not sign. You don¡¯t need to write your name. Just a drop of blood will do.¡±

    I hold my breath. I think everyone is. There¡¯s a chance she might enter into a frenzy again, but I keep my faith. She¡¯s shivering all over, tears are streaming down her cheeks as she shakily holds the quill up to her thumb. The way she¡¯s shaking, it¡¯s almost as if she¡¯s fighting herself, as though her human and Monstra selves are in intense conflict. There¡¯s a sudden twitch, and the quill does more than prick her finger. She drives it straight through it, in one end and out the other, piercing through her thumbnail.

    She screams in pain as more than a few droplets land on the tablet. And on the desk, the carpet, and even Priscilla¡¯s dress. Lilly¡¯s blood is purple, of course, but she doesn¡¯t frenzy. No tentacles, no teeth or eyes where they shouldn¡¯t be, just blood. I think I see the blood squirming a bit. Dancing. It''s trying to crawl off and away from the tablet, but it doesn¡¯t have the strength nor the confidence. I was right. I had finally found the first thing that a Monstra had ever truly been afraid of. An ancient spirit. It must be the dead soul of a mage who died over 10,000 years ago. Or perhaps an amalgamation of many souls. Either way, it wielded magic and influence that the modern world couldn¡¯t begin to comprehend.

    This was a thought that frightened me to my very core. Especially given what I was about to do.

    The air in the room slowly began to lighten, and the tablet ceased to glow. I put it back in the lock box and placed it back in its drawer, then watched as Lilly¡¯s thumb healed itself. It seemed that even with the spirit gone, Lilly didn¡¯t feel like going into a frenzy.

    ¡°Is it done?¡± Bluewood gruffly asked, his arms folded.

    He was trying to keep his calm, but I could tell that the experience had frightened even him. As always, someone¡¯s eyes always told the truth. He was ready to leave. They were all ready to leave. I was ready for them to go too.

    ¡°Yes, it is,¡± I reply dryly, ¡°It is over. Lilly is now under my thrall. Humanity has successfully enslaved the first Monstra. This is a monumental moment in human history.¡±

    My declaration was punctuated by a tired, relieved sigh. But simply declaring it wasn¡¯t enough.

    ¡°Lilly, get on all fours and bark like a dog.¡±

    Without protest, Lilly did as she was asked. It didn¡¯t look like her movements were animated by an outside force. She looked totally natural and willing. Excited, even. Before anyone knew it she was on the floor, on all fours, crawling around the room like a dog.

    ¡°Arf! Arf arf arf!¡±

    ¡°No. Woof.¡±

    ¡°Woof! Woof woof woof borf borf borf!¡±

    Eh, the arfs were cuter.

    ¡°I think you have proven your point, Lady Ayano-¡± Priscilla began, but I knew I had to drive the point home even further.

    ¡°Lilly, lick Priscilla¡¯s shoes.¡±

    Lilly crawled over and began to drag her tongue across the head maid¡¯s pretty little Mary Jane shoes, licking across the strap, down the sides, licking and lapping like this was the best experience of her life. She even moved her head down to lick at the soles, which were partially caked in dried, muddy soil from when Priscilla had been helping out the gardeners just prior to arriving in my office. She gulped down the brown, foul substance like it was the tastiest treat in the world.

    I hadn¡¯t even ordered Lilly to enjoy it.

    ¡°I¡¯m leaving,¡± Said Bluewood, and without even bowing, he left the office.

    The others looked at me. They desperately wanted to be dismissed. I could see Priscilla looking down at Lilly with discomfort, but the maid was too afraid to move her feet from Lilly, like she so clearly desperately wanted. She knew that this was necessary for the demonstration of my newfound power over Lilly, after all, and also a punishment for trying to speak out against me.

    I waited a few moments so that they may all stew in the discomfort. Let it sink in for them. That I had complete control over the single most individual who possessed the most raw, physical power of anyone else in this world. And that I was willing to embarrass her. Degrade her.

    ¡°... You are all dismissed. I wish to be alone with Lilly.¡±

    The way I licked my lips after speaking as I stared intensely at Lilly, I tried to convey to them that I had depraved sexual intentions for the enslaved maid. That I was going to get my own back after she had tried to rape me. It worked. They were practically pushing past each other to get out of the door, and I didn¡¯t even chastise them for forgetting to bow. Only Priscilla did, as she gently shut the door behind her.

    And immediately¡­ I breathed a sigh of relief, slumping into my chair. Lilly was still on all fours, crawling around in circles on the floor as though she were trying to chase a non-existent tail. Another thing I had not explicitly asked her to do.

    ¡°... Stop fooling around. Sit back down in the seat.¡±

    I actually saw reluctance in her expression as she obeyed, crawling back up onto the seat and sitting back down. She stared at me intensely with a blank stare, saying nothing as she simply¡­ Sat there. It was more unnerving than whenever she was frenzied.

    I tried my best to ignore her and took the lock box back out of the drawer. I slammed it down on the table, opened it up, and held the tablet aloft.

    ¡°... Why are you getting it back out again?¡±

    Her first spoken words since her enslavement. And they were going to be her last.

    For I clutched the tablet with both hands, and began squeezing it with all my strength. It took everything, from my physical power to my latent magical potential, to crush the rock with everything I had. It took about thirty seconds, thirty seconds of pure agony as my hands began to blister and bleed. I began to glow each of the colours of the rainbow, all of them swirling around me as I drew upon the magical reserves in my soul and my ancient royal blood, as I poured everything I had, all of my will into crushing this stone. The room began to rumble, as though the manor were experiencing an earthquake. But I¡¯m fairly sure only I experienced it. It became difficult to breathe, as though I were being choked. It was back again. The spirit was warning me not to go through with this.

    But moments later, I did. One moment, the stone was intact, the next, it had crumbled into dust. I panted heavy breaths as I watched a blue mist waft away from the crumbled stone, the grey sand I had just created. In moments the stone was devoid of magical power. I used the remainder of my magic to telekinetically gather up all of the stone and poured it all back into the box, slamming it shut. The mist shouldn¡¯t be able to escape from it, so anyone trying to read the aura of the box would still assume that the tablet is intact and working, even if a lot of the mana was able to escape. A layman wouldn¡¯t notice the difference. I stuff the box back into the drawer and lay back in my chair. My heart began to ache, but I don¡¯t clutch it, even though I want to. It has already begun.

    ¡°Why did you do that?¡± Lilly asked in confusion.

    She still had the same intense, blank stare. She still looked like she was waiting for orders.

    ¡°I broke the tablet. Ended the contract. You¡¯re free again, Lilly. Free to stay here as my maid, keep up the facade¡­ Or free to kill us all and live a free life. Whatever you want to do. Every possibility has opened back up for you. Case in point- Lilly, I order you to kill yourself.¡±

    She paused for a moment. I wasn¡¯t sure how she was feeling. Neither the shy timid maid nor the frenzied beast, she simply sat in place. Eventually, her mouth opened.

    ¡°... No. Huh. I can actually say no. I guess you¡¯re right. Um¡­ So¡­ Why are you¡­ So stupid, again?¡±

    The words cut through me like a knife. I didn¡¯t know how to explain this to her. I don¡¯t know how to explain that I badly want to protect her innocence. See her grow as a real person. To see her *Truly* understand what it is to be a human, not a monster or a slave.

    But she will prey on weakness.

    ¡°Put simply, it¡¯s because I don¡¯t need it. You could have killed me. Raped me. Destroyed this entire manor. But you didn¡¯t. You apologised. You stammered and tried to apologise to me. And the reason is¡­¡±

    It¡¯s because Lilly is truly a good person at heart. A good person with a curse. A good person who deserves a better life. Deserves something better than this hell. Something better than me.

    ¡°... It¡¯s because you¡¯re weak. We met you whilst you were alone on the Leywood estate, and we only discovered two corpses in the building, when you could have done a lot more. I was only there to claim their assets following their bankruptcy. You could have killed me back then, but you didn¡¯t. You agreed to go through all the paperwork required to have me purchase you, then you got in a limo and stayed calm for a four hour drive. Then you could have killed me yet again not long ago. You could have even raped me. But you didn¡¯t, you couldn¡¯t. As soon as I indicated I didn¡¯t want it, you stopped. You¡¯re weak. And because you¡¯re weak, you¡¯ll submit to my strength. You know as well as I do that, contract or no contract, you¡¯re my bitch.¡±

    ¡®You¡¯re my bitch¡¯. That phrase made her eyes light up. I smiled knowingly, and so did she. There was a reason I had made her behave like a dog, after all.

    ¡°I see how it is¡­¡± Lilly looked down at her feet, and she lightly chuckled, and soon, it evolved into a quiet laugh.

    It was such a cute laugh.

    ¡°You think you¡¯re a good person, huh? Trying to treat a feral animal like a¡­ like a h-human¡­ Wanna see how well that goes for you?¡±

    In an instant, she lunged onto the desk, crawling on top of it. Her eyes were purple, but she hadn''t entered into another frenzy. Yet. I could see the blood squirming in her veins, bulging up from just beneath the skin. She grabbed the red tie of my suit and pulled my head close to her. I didn¡¯t flinch.

    ¡°I could very easily make you my bitch instead¡­¡± She whispered, trailing a finger down my shirt, her sharp nail cutting through the fabric, exposing my cleavage, cutting through my bra.

    My heart began to pound. I kept my cool. I pretended I didn¡¯t care.

    ¡°I don¡¯t like it when people enslave me¡­ But do you know what I like even less? People who underestimate me¡­ I stammer and bluster my way through the day, play the part of a sensitive maid, just so that people won¡¯t try to kill me¡­ But because of that, people think I¡¯m pathetic. People who don¡¯t know what I really am try to bully me or pity me. If only they understood¡­ How *magnanimous* I am, for not ending their pathetic little lives¡­ Don¡¯t you think it¡¯s about time I started indulging? That I started showing the world what I really am? Maybe then the world would respect me¡­ Maybe then it would be you, the princess, licking *my* shoes¡­ I could stamp my feet upon the faces of everyone on this worthless rock of a planet, forever. Join forces with the Monstra. Install a new order. And you know¡­ Putting aside my old slave contract as a reason¡­ You wanna know the only reason I don¡¯t join them? It¡¯s because they¡¯re a hive mind¡­ They assimilate everything into themselves¡­ And I don¡¯t bow to anyone¡­ Hehehe¡­ That¡¯s why I¡¯ll kill them¡­ I¡¯ll destroy them all, and I¡¯ll become the sole owner of this power! I¡¯ll become the immortal queen of this world, and rule over it for the rest of eternity! Terrestia shall be mine! And I think I shall start by making you mine¡­ You¡¯ll make for an excellent trophy¡­¡±

    She leaned in to kiss me. Again. So chaste. It didn¡¯t even feel like she wanted to devour me this time. She just wanted a cute little kiss. After all that bluster, and that was the only thing she could think to do. I sighed, and put a finger between my lips and hers. Her lips wrapped around my finger for a brief moment, and then she drew her head back, that confused expression once more on her face.

    ¡°Get on all fours. Bark like a dog.¡±

    She looked at me for a few moments, confused. She honestly couldn¡¯t believe what she was hearing, and, honestly, I was surprised that I had the confidence to say it. A scowl formed on her face. She remained exactly in place, as a single sound escaped her lips.

    ¡°... Woof.¡±

    It was just as I thought. At the end of the day, she was still human. She may have been treated like an animal by the Leywoods, but she was far from feral. I wanted to keep my moral conscience intact. Freedom was the value I treasured the most. A slave contract was antithetical to my morals. Even if she is dangerous, even if it was deeply irresponsible of me, I simply couldn¡¯t live with myself if I kept her as a slave. Thankfully, by woofing, she had also just proved that she didn¡¯t need to be a slave to be safe to keep around. There was still a lot of work that would be required to truly civilise her, but, I think taking this difficult route is the right decision.

    I looked her in the eyes, and smirked. Because even if she was free, she was still naturally submissive.

    ¡°Actually, I lied. I preferred the Arfs.¡±

    ¡°... Arf!¡±

    With a sigh I gently pushed her off of the desk and stood up from my chair, doing my best to cover myself up. She really had to stop destroying my clothes if she was going to be my handmaiden.

    ¡°Alright¡­ I trust you, Lilly. Please leave and go and find Priscilla. She¡¯ll give you a tour of the place. Show you to your room. Starting tomorrow, we¡¯re going to train you to be my handmaiden.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m¡­ Only playing along for now¡­ Because you did something nice for me. The moment I receive unfair treatment, or even if I get bored, you and everyone here are *dead*. I¡¯m through with suffering because other people are indifferent to my pain, or find it fun. Understand, Ayano?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s Lady Ayano to you.¡±

    ¡°... Hmph!¡±

    With that, she left my office, slamming the door behind her. Thank God.

    I returned to my chair and slammed my head against the desk. I finally had the opportunity to indulge and clutch my heart. The burning sensation had only gotten more painful over time since I had crumbled the tablet.

    ¡°So it begins, huh¡­ I guess she was so set on looking strong in front of me that she wasn¡¯t able to put two and two together. Oh well. It¡¯s better that she doesn¡¯t know anyway,¡± I muttered to myself.

    I was paying the price for breaking the contract and angering the spirit. It doesn¡¯t want my worthless gold anymore. Once a month, every month, it will take another month off of my life.

    In other words, I have given up half of my remaining lifespan. Her freedom had better be worth the sacrifice.

 Chapter 3- Lilly

    ¡°You think I¡¯m a good person just because I can¡­ R-Restrain myself? D-Don¡¯t be silly¡­ I¡¯m just¡­ Well¡­ You know¡­ It¡¯s not exactly like I do anything good, I just¡­ T-Try to avoid being b-bad¡­¡±

    I was walking through the corridors of the mansion, trailing just behind Priscilla, watching her back. Mostly admiring how her hair seemed to gleam like moonlight, even though it had only just gone past noon. Dead middle of the day. Her attempts to comfort me as she toured me around the manor definitely confused me.

    ¡°... Of course,¡± Her pretty voice responds, a voice that could soothe a rampaging demon to sleep.

    Not that there were any ''demons'' in this world aside from myself. And those fuckers across the ocean.

    ¡°Lady Ayano filled me in long in advance of your arrival. You have the heart of a Monstra, harboring all the same instincts as a fully fledged one, but you¡¯re also human. That your human side is able and willing to hold back your monstrous side is extremely admirable. You deserve praise for holding yourself together.¡±

    ¡°E-Even if¡­ I crack sometimes and¡­ Frenzy?¡± I shyly respond.

    ¡°Yes. Even if you crack sometimes. Besides, that¡¯s what the contract is for. It¡¯s a noble sacrifice for you to have accepted it. Under Lady Ayano¡¯s guidance, you won¡¯t be able to hurt anyone for the rest of your life. Isn¡¯t that wonderful? You sacrificed an important part of yourself for the sake of others. And Lady Ayano intends to use you in the war against the *real* Monstras, too.¡±

    ¡°R-Right¡­ Yeah¡­ The contract¡­ I-I guess¡­¡±

    She really hung on Ayano¡¯s every word huh? Idiot. Well, I suppose I can¡¯t blame her too much. Ayano put on such a convincing show that even I was fooled. Because really, it wasn¡¯t exactly as though she had lied. She really did put me under a slave contract. She merely broke it at the soonest opportunity. I¡¯m still tingling from that feeling, thinking back to it. Feeling the spirit in the room. Feeling my blood recede in fear for the first time in my life. And then the feeling of Ayano having total control over me. Being unable to resist. I had spent most of my life experiencing that feeling, but this time, I *liked it*. It was almost¡­ Well, actually, it was *extremely* disappointing when I saw Ayano crush that tablet to dust. It felt like such a waste. Didn¡¯t she say that people died for that? Weren¡¯t their lives lost for nothing, in that case? Just so that a worthless creature like me could live freely? The only benefit the tablet offered was that it put others at ease since they thought Ayano was still in control, but I¡¯m not sure that¡¯s a good thing.

    In any case, that¡¯s not why I was upset. It was because I loved being under her thrall. It was like being given a collar with my name on it. The sort of collar you would put on a dog. A pet. Degrading, but also loving. I loved the feeling of being owned by Ayano. I can¡¯t exactly pinpoint why. Maybe it¡¯s because I want to fuck her. Maybe it¡¯s because her commanding voice sends shivers down my spine. Maybe because I want someone else to be able to reel me in before I do something stupid. I think I¡¯d want a leash on me even if I wasn¡¯t half Monstra. I just¡­ Don¡¯t think I trust myself.

    Just this morning I was dreading being under control, even if she had left an okay first impression. And now I dearly miss being her slave.

    So of course I obeyed her, even after the contract ended. I wanted to keep it going. Yes, I could end all of this and achieve all of my desires at any time, but what was the fun in that? Where was the excitement, the sexual tension? Sex without consent from the other party wasn¡¯t fun. Achieving things too easily wasn¡¯t fun. I decided at that moment that I wanted to simultaneously obey her and tease her mercilessly until she got so horny that she couldn¡¯t help herself anymore. Because every aspect of life, the fabric of this very reality, is about sex, and sex is all about power. And I don¡¯t honestly want this power. But she needs it. I want her to think that she¡¯s reigned in a mighty, untameable creature through sheer force of will. I¡¯ll allow her to think that. To live that lie. And maybe one day, if it gets boring, I¡¯ll turn the tables on her, should I fancy doing so. I¡¯ve already proved multiple times now that I can do just that.

    ¡°Miss Lilly? Miss Lilly? Hello there?¡±

    Oh. I had spaced out for a while. I came back to my senses as I noticed Priscilla waving her hands in front of my face.

    ¡°S-Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff¡­¡±

    ¡°I think I can guess, but¡­ Care to mention what?¡±

    About how much I want to fuck Ayano. Wait, no, the other way round. I want her to fuck me. Submission is all I know after all. A separate thought pops into my head, which I hastily give to provide a satisfying answer to the question.

    ¡°Um¡­ S-So¡­ Okay. I¡¯m just¡­ A bit confused about why you¡¯re not afraid of me¡­ Is it because I was forced to lick your shoes?¡±

    A sympathetic smile forms on her face, and it gives me all the answers I need. She pities me. Of course she does. The only two types of people who exist in this world are people who either bully me or pity me. Maybe I should kill her for being infuriating. Ayano didn¡¯t give me any explicit orders *not* to kill anyone, after all¡­ Rather sloppy on her part. But of course, I¡¯m not going to. Because Ayano neither bullies me nor pities me, she¡¯s the only ¡®third¡¯ type of person I have ever met. The type of person who treats me like the human being that I am not.

    Also, she¡¯s hot.

    Not that Priscilla isn¡¯t also hot, I suppose.

    ¡°Hehe¡­¡± Priscilla covered her mouth and politely giggled, it was such a sweet sound, ¡°I¡¯ll admit, it was strange. After having such a terrifying first impression of you, seeing you so eager to lick my shoes was¡­ Well, I¡¯ll admit, it was extremely uncomfortable. Ayano doesn¡¯t normally treat people like that¡­ But I¡¯m sure it was just for our benefit. For Master Bluewood¡¯s benefit, too. But looking back, I can also see the humor in it¡­¡±

    I¡¯ll show you humor. One day I¡¯ll make you suck on each of my toes one by one.

    ¡°I-I just wanted to¡­ U-Um, y¡¯know¡­ I understood what Ayano was doing¡­ So I wanted to put everyone else at ease by¡­ Playing into the demonstration a little b-bit¡­¡± I lied, knowing full well that I sincerely enjoyed it.

    ¡°Of course. I understand. Anyway, Lilly, we¡¯ve arrived at our first destination. Your room.¡±

    I realized that I had been staring either at the ground or Priscilla and that I had not been paying attention to my surroundings. The manor was a place filled with wide corridors and large curved windows which let in a ton of sunlight. Red carpet lined the floor, fancy looking wood lined the interior walls and pristine white brick lined the exterior walls. Vases filled with gorgeous looking flowers sat on pedestals and tables off to the side, and paintings of nobles who I neither know nor cared to know lined the walls. Well, all except one painting. The one hanging right outside what was apparently to be my bedroom door was a landscape painting, depicting a sparkling blue lake. It was gorgeous. And I had seen it before, in real life, on the drive up. I liked seeing this more than I liked seeing lilies, so I couldn¡¯t help but smile at it for a brief moment.

    Apparently not noticing my admiration for the painting, Priscilla placed her hand on the door and it somehow opened for her, without me being able to see what happened, what with her body and poofy dress in the way. Once she stepped inside and was out of the way, I took a look at the door myself. It seemed to be made of thick, sturdy wood, but there was no handle for some reason. Just a flat panel made of some sort of metal where the handle normally would be.

    ¡°Oh, right, have you never seen these before? Most of the doors in this manor have handles to them. But each of the residents have these types of doors for their private rooms. There¡¯s a handle on the inside for you to get out, but to get in, you simply place your hand on the door, and the arcane circles etched into the metal will activate, magically reading your bio metrics. It¡¯s easier than using keys- Keys can get lost, keys can get stolen. This type of door ensures that one¡¯s own room provides you with absolute privacy. Pretty neat, huh? We¡¯ll have it tuned to your bio metrics for tomorrow, so that only you and Ayano can open this door from the outside.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t see any circles on this metal¡­¡± I mutter, bending down to inspect the plate.

    ¡°Yeah. You wouldn¡¯t. They¡¯re actually etched on a separate sheet of metal just below this visible top layer. Arcane circles are easy to tamper with if they¡¯re left out in the open. Hell, you might accidentally scratch the circle with your fingernail just from using the door normally! That¡¯ll cause it to stop working, or explode or something. You¡¯ll see it faintly glow from beneath the surface of the metal when you use it, though.¡±

    ¡°T-Thanks for explaining¡­ The Leywoods didn¡¯t have anything advanced¡­ Like that¡­ Magic is still so weird to me¡­ I don¡¯t get it¡­¡±

    Priscilla laughed at that.

    ¡°Your body is able to channel more mana than even the most powerful mages in the world, and you don¡¯t know how it works?¡± She chuckled.

    ¡°Priscilla, I¡­ Don¡¯t even know how to r-read¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh. Right¡­¡±

    She looked a bit guilty as she came to that realization. Of course, despite being debriefed, there was still much that she didn¡¯t know about me. She didn¡¯t know just how badly the Leywoods had abused me. How much they had withheld from me. She didn¡¯t know about Gloria Leywood, the daughter of Duke Leywood and the owner of my slave contract. She didn¡¯t know what a wretched human being she was. She still didn¡¯t, and she never would. I may act pathetic, but really, I don¡¯t like being vulnerable with people. Especially not in regards to the Leywoods. I don¡¯t even want Ayano to know the full extent of what they did to me.

    ¡°W-Well¡­¡± Priscilla began, trying to maintain a light and cheerful demeanor, ¡°Essentially, mana is just another material in the air. You can channel it to create magical effects in two different ways. A mage can channel mana via using their unique soul signature to resonate with the mana in the air around them, or an arcane scholar can craft an arcane circle. There¡¯s benefits and downsides to both styles. For example a mage can channel magic very quickly, but it can put a strain on their body if they try to use an effect that¡¯s too complex or powerful. Arcane circles take a long time to produce and are easy to disrupt, but a properly crafted one can be used by anyone once the circle is up and running. It¡¯s very rare to find someone who specializes as both a mage or a scholar. It takes decades of dedication to one field or the other to reach a respectable level, and a lifetime to master. Although¡­ Lady Ayano does dabble in both. She graduated university with a degree in both scholarship and magecraft, among other things. Which is pretty amazing, but, well, people like her are rare, and she um¡­ Well, she would say that she barely qualifies as intermediate, but to be honest, I think her skills in both fields rapidly improve by the month¡­¡±

    ¡°But¡­ I didn¡¯t do¡­ Any training¡­¡±

    ¡°Of course not! Monstras¡­ Well, we don¡¯t really understand them that well, as they¡¯re very difficult to study due to how powerful and aggressive they are, but the leading theory is that they ¡®corrupt¡¯ the mana in the air. That¡¯s why their strength is very powerful, but almost exclusively limited to a very specific type of magical effect, in this case body modification, for unknown reasons. And, well, funnily enough, body modification is one of those schools of magic that scholars and mages alike haven¡¯t been able to reach a breakthrough in for thousands of years. You can change your eye or hair color and heal cuts and scrapes, even a few serious wounds or diseases if you¡¯re really skilled¡­ But¡­ Reversing ageing, achieving immortality, reviving the dead? No. Plenty of wounds and diseases cannot yet be healed with mana either. And¡­ Changing your body so dramatically, the way you do? Not really a thing. Might have something to do with how heavily the body is tied to the soul.¡±

    This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

    ¡°I¡­ Think I get it. Sorry for interrupting the tour. U-Um¡­ Let¡¯s see my room?¡±

    With a nod, Priscilla stepped aside to show me in.

    On the limo ride I hadn¡¯t been expecting anything super nice. Maybe a space the size of a storage cupboard if I was lucky, maybe a bed if I was super duper lucky. Frankly, I wouldn¡¯t have been surprised if I had been stuffed inside another cage. But this room¡­ This room was very nice. Large windows with large, pretty little pink curtains, a nice wooden floor covered by a pink fluffy rug, a large wardrobe built into the wall, a chest of drawers, and Priscilla even showed me to a side room which turned out to be my very own private on suite bathroom, complete with a shower, a bath, a sink, a mirror and¡­ A toilet! I had never been so happy to see a toilet in my life. I had to hold back my tears. It really was a struggle, but I managed it. I didn¡¯t want to have to explain to Priscilla why seeing a toilet brought me so much joy. All the towels in here were pink, the tiles were a sort of creamy pink as well.

    The bed was pink too. It was a large double bed, I don¡¯t know the exact measurements for these sorts of things but I liked to think that it was a queen sized bed. The duvets were pink. The pillows were pink.

    ¡°Are um¡­ Well¡­ Is e-every room so¡­ P-Pink?¡± I asked.

    ¡°O-Oh, no no no¡­ Just this one. Nobody has stayed in this room for years, to be quite honest¡­ Don¡¯t tell Lady Ayano that I told you this, but¡­ Her previous handmaiden¡­ Georgia.. She um¡­ Left about three years ago. Decided she wanted to live her own life elsewhere¡­ I think there was a bit of a falling out between her and the Princess and¡­ Oh geez, I don¡¯t want to start gossiping¡­ But the point is, It was Georgia¡¯s decision to design the room like this. After she left, Ayano hasn¡¯t appointed another handmaiden, and kept the room exactly like it is¡­ It¡¯s um¡­ The closest bedroom in the house to the Princess¡¯ bedchambers, and it¡¯s not far from her office. Since she wanted you in here, I guess¡­ That she really does want to appoint you as her handmaiden. I¡¯m sure if you ask her, she¡¯ll redecorate the room for you however you wish¡­¡±

    ¡°I um¡­ I do think it looks pretty as is but¡­ Now that you told me that, it does feel pretty weird¡­ L-Like¡­ Like I¡¯m a replacement, or something¡­¡±

    ¡°I understand. But really, don¡¯t think of it like that- I have no doubt that she sees you as your own person. Not as a slave or a weapon, either. Just be honest with her and I¡¯m sure everything will be fine. Now¡­¡± Priscilla cleared her throat, as though to signal that she was changing the subject, ¡°I actually haven¡¯t received your luggage. I don¡¯t think anybody was thinking about it at the time. Do you want me to go check to see if-¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t have any luggage. The only things I had on me were the clothes on my back. And now those are gone too,¡± I responded dryly, a bit out of character, but the subject of luggage put me in a bad mood.

    Must be nice to own possessions.

    ¡°R-Right¡­ W-Well, I¡¯m glad there weren¡¯t any issues on our end, then. Shall we continue the tour, then?¡±

    ¡°Y-Yeah¡­ Sure¡­¡±

    ~~~

    I was taken to the kitchen, the dining hall, the laundry room, the library, so many corridors and empty guest rooms¡­ Oh dear lord, there were so many damn rooms, I was tired, I just wanted to curl up at the foot of Ayano¡¯s bed and fall asleep or something, I don¡¯t know, I got exhausted with it very quickly, and Priscilla was super not interested in having engaging conversation. ¡®This is this place, you¡¯ll be doing this here and we¡¯ll show you how to do it¡¯.

    Almost makes me miss the days when I had no idea what the house I lived in really looked like, and I was only expected to fight. Doing things that require restraint and the use of my brain hurt my head more than I realized.

    ¡°Aaaand now we¡¯re heading outside. Since you destroyed the patch of lilies Ayano had so *kindly* prepared just for you¡­ You¡¯ll be expected to tend to your own patch of the back garden, at least for a little while. Who knows, maybe if you¡¯re good at it, we¡¯ll promote you to head gardener someday!¡± Priscilla giggled at her little joke, as she led me out one of the back-doors of the manor.

    The garden was, naturally, a beautiful place. Large, funnel shaped metal rain catchers, faintly humming with what I assumed were the power of large arcane circles, seemed to feed water to the various plants and crops. See-through canopies covered the soil patches, presumably designed to block out the actual rainwater and filter sunlight. Roses, orchids, yet more of those awful lilies- All sorts of flowers were planted here, and they all looked gorgeous. The crops seemed to consist of vegetables and herbs- Parsley, coriander, potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, onions. I¡¯d seen the fields the farmers tended to outside my orphanage when I was a very small child, so I recognized most of the plants and crops on sight. Most of them.

    ¡°P-Pretty,¡± I flatly stated, following along behind Priscilla as she led me across the cobbled stone path and towards a shed at the back of the manor, ¡°What¡¯s with the rain catchers?¡±

    ¡°They filter out impurities. Rainwater has gotten pretty toxic over the past century, since the Monstra first appeared- Not only are the Monstra infecting the seawater, but they¡¯ve unearthed a lot of chemicals from the ground in Grisia. The winds tend to blow toxic rain clouds from around Grisia in the direction of Selecia year round, unfortunately. Anyway, come on, step in.¡±

    The shed was, well, it was a shed. Covered in dirt and soil and dust, but the tools were clean and neatly organised, hanging on the wall or resting on a shoddy looking wooden table. Shovels, spades, watering cans, fertilizer, packets of seeds, gloves, the basic stuff.

    ¡°Every other day, you should wake up at the first light of dawn, get changed into your gardening gear, fill up a watering can using the hose outside, and water any plants that look dry. They usually will need water if there hasn¡¯t been any rain recently. Any plants in bloom you should transfer over to a flower pot, then plant seeds with fertilizer. Lizzy will be around most mornings- She¡¯s the head gardener. She¡¯ll answer your questions if you¡¯re unsure about something. Let¡¯s head back outside.¡±

    ¡°O-Okay¡­ Can¡¯t I ask you questions, though? I sort of feel awkward talking to other people¡­ For o-obvious reasons¡­¡±

    ¡°Of course you can!¡± She cheerfully responds, ¡°Ahh, but not next week. I¡¯m heading back to my hometown for the week you see, starting tomorrow. It¡¯s rotten timing for you, but it has to be next week. My fiance is returning home, he only gets time off for a small amount of time a few months out of the year¡­ He spends most of his time working as a security guard on an oil rig out in the ocean. The Icklian channel, to be more specific, right at the midpoint between Selecia and Grisia¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ S-Sure you m-miss him dearly. His job sounds dangerous¡­ H-Hope you have a good time next week¡­¡±

    She¡¯s engaged to a *man*? Not even one who is actually around? I don¡¯t understand heterosexuals sometimes. She must want to be a mother or something. Can¡¯t relate.

    ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to! I¡¯ll be thinking about how you¡¯re getting on, Lilly. I¡¯ll be sure to give you my full support once I¡¯m back here at the manor! Now come on, we¡¯ve only got so much time until dinner, let¡¯s go!¡±

    I was shown the large patch of soil I would be tending to, a space behind the shed right at the edge of the garden, neighboring the fence.

    ¡°... More lilies?¡± I ask, what little excitement I had immediately dropping as I saw the sprouting lilies all across my patch.

    Even though I liked Ayano more now, something about the sight of lilies still rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe flowers named after me felt like too cloying a gift, or something, which was strange given that Ayano herself didn¡¯t exactly have an excessively sweet demeanor. Maybe it was that incongruity that still didn¡¯t sit right with me.

    ¡°That¡¯s right. I think Ayano would want you to be responsible for these budding ones, since you were the cause of most of our lilies dying. If you do a good job, we¡¯ll give you other plants or even crops to take care of.¡±

    ¡°Mmph¡­ F-Fine¡­¡±

    My distaste was clear, but the matter was final. There wasn¡¯t much I could do to protest.

    ~~~

    The garden marked the end of my tour. It was still going to take a while for me to learn how to navigate the large manor, and the jobs I was expected to do aside from cleaning were daunting to me. But, well, at least I could say that that was a problem for future me. Present me was treated to a round of tea with Priscilla, and I also met Hugo, the head chef. A pretty boy blonde who clearly had an ego about him.

    I hated men like that.

    ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to feed you well tonight,¡± He had said, offering me a warm smile, ¡°But anytime you¡¯re assigned to my kitchen, I¡¯ll be sure to work you to the bone. I wonder if you¡¯ll do best as a server, a dishwasher, or a cook, hmm? I¡¯m looking forward to finding out.¡±

    He gave me a weirdly intense glare before heading off. Priscilla told me to laugh it off. He just took his work seriously, but he was a nice guy, she said.

    I wasn¡¯t convinced. My instincts disliked him immediately.

    Dinner rolled around as the sun began to set, and Ayano had me seated right next to her, at the head of a looong dining table, situated in an ornate room. Lots of gold trim, two beautiful diamond chandeliers hanging up above, a royal blue carpeted floor, more pictures and flowers and ornaments off to the side. I definitely stood out- I was the only maid at the head of the table, surrounded by nobles. Not even Priscilla was allowed up here- She was down towards the bottom of the table with the other servants.

    Plus, I was. Well. Myself. They were all glaring at me. I think most of them had seen my transformation.

    ¡°Duke Bluewood says that you got it to crawl around on the floor. Is that right?¡± Some ass-hat with a smirk asked.

    ¡°Aye¡­¡± Bluewood gruffly confirmed, not really reveling in the situation like the other nobles were.

    ¡°I heard it licked a maid¡¯s boots!¡± A duchess exclaimed, knocking back a swig of wine.

    ¡°Yes yes, Lady Ayano, have it do something else! Can it dance?¡±

    ¡°You shall refer to my slave as she, and only she. I think that your deplorable etiquette disqualifies you from such a demonstration, yes? Let her eat in peace. And if you must have questions, ask Lilly directly and politely, do not speak to her through me.¡±

    Ayano didn¡¯t even break a sweat as she admonished them, wiping her mouth with a napkin after polishing off her appetizer.

    An appetizer I had to admit I had wolfed down. It was some sort of mushroom baked in breadcrumbs, served with some sort of delicious brown sauce. I had never tasted anything like it before. I was used to eating stale, moldy bread, and my own shit, so the flavor was out of this world! I had tried to use the knives and forks to begin with, but I couldn¡¯t get the hang of it, so I eventually resorted to picking up the food with my hands and tearing it apart into bite sized chunks, stuffing more inside before I had even finished chewing and swallowing the last bite. I got sauce and bread crumbs all over my hands. It was totally worth it!

    Ayano sighed, leaning over to use a napkin to clean the sauce dribbling from my mouth, and wiping down my hands. I liked having her so close. Having her hands so close to mine. I could smell that peach scent on her too. It was too much for words.

    ¡°You will eat the following courses politely, Lilly. I will cut your food for you if you are struggling.¡±

    Huh. I wondered if I could get her to feed me too. Here comes the aeroplane! I remembered that phrase from the orphanage. The memory made me giggle.

    ¡°And what is it you find so funny, you¡­! Lilly¡­ Miss Lilly, care to enlighten us?¡±

    Some sort of bald headed man addressed me this time. He was even wearing a monocle! Some nobles just had to look so evil, didn¡¯t they? Did they have no self awareness at all? Put on a wig, ditch the monocle and stop scowling, why don¡¯t you?

    ¡°U-Um¡­ Nothing¡­¡±

    ¡°Lady Ayano, have you not ordered¡­ *her*, to speak truthfully?¡± The duchess asked.

    ¡°... That had, in fact, slipped my mind. Please, respond truthfully to everyone you meet from now on.¡±

    I was silent for a few moments¡­ I *could* tell them the truth, but these people were pissing me off. And Ayano might not feed me if I told everyone I was fantasizing about her feeding me¡­ So, it was a good thing I wasn¡¯t *actually* a slave. I wanted to mess with them a little.

    The servers were coming around to pick up the plates for the appetizers. When they picked up my plate, I had room to rest my elbow on the table, rest my cheek on my fist, and smirk at mister baldy. I licked my lips, and let my eyes turn purple¡­ I could still let my Monstra nature be known whenever I wanted without frenzying, after all.

    ¡°I-I was thinking about how beautiful a sight it would be to see blood gushing out of your headless corpse¡­ I was wondering¡­ If I¡¯d be able to stuff both of your arms into the stump¡­ I was wondering if your blood would taste delicious or rancid¡­ But¡­ It¡¯s a good thing for you that I will never find out, hmm? Because¡­ Lady Ayano was *very* clear that I never harm anyone¡­ Not even scum like you.¡±

    I shot Ayano a knowing glance, reminding her that she had not, in fact, given me explicit orders not to harm anyone. I expected her to crack a little at that. To look worried, perhaps slightly embarrassed or annoyed that I had called her out. But she didn¡¯t seem phased one bit. Nor did my little speech elicit a reaction from her, it seemed. The other nobles were stunned into silence. However, much to my irritation, they were eyeing me not with fear, but with disgust.

    It was easy to do that when they thought they were totally safe. My eye twitched, and I snarled. They didn¡¯t know just how vulnerable they really were to death by my tentacles.

    I leaned back in my seat and let my eyes return to normal, just as the servers were carrying over a plate of steak, potatoes, garlic, thyme, and an assortment of vegetables. The butter it was cooked in was still sizzling on top of it.

    Ayano began to cut into her steak as she looked at the nobles.

    ¡°Well? I would say that qualifies as truthful. Do you not agree?¡±

    ¡°... Do tell me when you plan to send her to Grisia, Lady Ayano,¡± said another random noble, sounding very tired and overall just done with the situation.

    ¡°She will stay here indefinitely. She will fall swiftly to the Monstra horde if we send her overseas by herself. I still have much use for her talents here, both as a maid and as a powerful ally. Rest assured, however, that she will play a key part in our counter operations against the Monstra. When the time comes. This is because such operations have not been finalized, and Lilly¡¯s power has yet to be fully assessed, so the extent of her involvement has yet to be determined.¡±

    More silence. But I could still feel their disgust. I tried to use my cutlery to cut into the steak. It slipped off the plate¡­ I was holding neither my knife nor my fork correctly. Ayano slid it back onto the plate, dragged my plate over to her, and swiftly cut up the steak into little bite sized pieces. She slid the plate back over to me.

    And I pretended to struggle to stab the steak pieces with my fork. I purposefully failed to fork the vegetables, too. I accidentally flung butter everywhere. I think a fleck even got on baldy¡¯s monocle lens! It was amusing to watch him glare for a few moments before he wiped it off.

    ¡°... Are you still having trouble, Lilly?¡±

    ¡°I-I¡¯m sorry Lady Ayano¡­ I was never taught¡­ How to use a knife and fork¡­ I-I tried so hard to hide that fact from you, b-but¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. Here.¡±

    She took my fork, stabbed a cut of meat, and held it up to my mouth.

    ¡°... Well? Say ¡®ahh¡¯ for me, Lilly.¡±

    ¡®Here comes the aeroplane! It¡¯s coming to land!¡¯ I thought in my head.

    ¡°Ahhhh!¡±

    I looked at each of the nobles and gave each of them the most smug look I could muster as Ayano fed me my main course, bite by bite. Even allowing myself to smirk as I chewed. There was no way Ayano wouldn¡¯t have noticed how much I was enjoying this, too.

    Steak was amazing to begin with. It was truly divine. The best experience of my life to date, even if I had been eating it by myself. But it was made so much better when I was able to display my social power to the class of people who my former abusers had belonged to. I wondered how jealous they were. I wondered how many of them wished they were me right now. I wondered how many of them craved her attention. Were they disgusted by me, or jealous of me?

    And, putting them aside, the experience was made perfect by the fact that I was being fed by a hot Princess. Her stone cold gaze melting my corrupted heart into a gooey puddle.

    I wanted dessert too.

 Chapter 4- Ayano

    Using all her might, Lilly slammed her wooden sword against mine. It took everything I had to retain my stance, to keep my feet planted firmly into the ground. Her each and every blow felt like it was intended to kill. She may have looked frail, but she absolutely had the power to hold her own. In fact, she may have been one of the most terrifying opponents I had ever fought against.

    She wasn¡¯t even frenzied. Even her eyes were still green. This was just an ordinary training match, after all. I was glad. Over the course of the past week, I had had my doubts many times over whether I had made the right decision. Not just in freeing her from the contract, but in purchasing her at all.

    The lilies died from over watering, she had accidentally broken several ornaments, dropped plates of food, wasting produce and tableware alike, and overall didn¡¯t seem to be improving in her maid duties. And of course, who could forget her very first night here, when she embarrassed herself, and me by extension, in front of the nobles who I had invited with the intention of convincing them to sponsor her slave contract? Perhaps she was intentionally trying to provoke me, or the residents of the manor as a whole, perhaps she really was this clumsy. Perhaps she desperately needed Priscilla¡¯s guidance, even though she was unfortunately still on her week-long holiday. Thankfully, my head maid would be returning later this evening. Priscilla was always the one to help inexperienced maids and butlers get through the initial learning curve. It was because of Lilly¡¯s clumsiness that I hadn¡¯t actually been treating her as though she were my handmaiden for the past week. I hadn¡¯t yet told her about the bell, or any of her duties. I didn¡¯t feel like it, and I was beginning to wonder if I should even bother to keep thinking of her as my handmaiden. It would be better to strip the title away from her. Even¡­ Even if she was staying in Georgia¡¯s room.

    But right now she seemed to be trying hard, and she was pushing me to my limits. I was glad that she had a talent for something, and that she was taking it seriously. It only made sense that she would be a skilled fighter.

    Well. Not quite.

    ¡®Skilled¡¯ wasn¡¯t exactly the right word. She used her sword as though it were a beast¡¯s claw, swiping away at me as though she were starving, looking to end the battle as soon as possible. She was substituting her lack of proper swordsman technique with raw power and ferocity. And that was what gave me the edge. I soon learned to parry her blows, dispersing the power of her strikes away from me. I learned to step out of the way, to dodge was much as I could and only block her sword when absolutely necessary. Too many direct strikes from her, and the sheer force of her attacks might threaten to injure my muscles, or perhaps even fracture my bones. I had to admit, she was so strong that she was forcing me to fight in unorthodox ways. She was breaking me out of my rigid mentality that my mentors had drilled into me over the years, making me fight spontaneously as opposed to via set techniques. She was predictable, but in a way that threw me off. Like someone who only ever chose rock when playing rock paper scissors, no matter how much she fell before my paper. The analytical part of my brain kept expecting her to pick scissors. She¡­ She just *had* to after all, right? That was how people learned after all. But she never did, and she didn¡¯t need to.

    Then, she made just the mistake I needed. With a roar, she gripped the sword with both hands, lunging at me with the full weight of her body. A super rock. I stepped gracefully out of the way, and bonked her in the back of the head with the hilt of my sword. She was still intending to attack, so I quickly followed that up by holding the sword to her neck.

    ¡°Well fought, Lilly, but I-¡±

    ¡°Heh!¡±

    She was defeated. The sword was at her neck. In a real fight, she would have lost. But this wasn¡¯t a real fight. My sword was made of wood, it wasn¡¯t a sharp blade, and she knew that. She wasn¡¯t playing along. So she ignored it entirely, winding up to smack me straight in the head with her sword.

    I panicked. And I instinctively broke the rules. A blue barrier appeared next to my face and blocked the blow.

    ¡°I made you use magic! Ahahahaha!¡±

    Lilly was sweating. She was wearing padded leather armor and a white undershirt and trousers, a typical training uniform. She tore off the padded armor, throwing it aside.

    ¡°You broke the rules first, right? That means I can break the rules too?¡±

    I paused for a second, eyeing her down. Crouched down, a feral stance. Her hair wild. Her braids had come undone and it was a total mess. She still wanted to fight. And she wanted to take it to a level just one step beyond mere training. It was terrifying¡­ But also weirdly hot. I sighed, swiftly entering back into my stance. I closed my eyes and focused on my mana, and, in but a moment, my sword had caught alight with flame. A typical technique. Many low level soldiers could do it. But Lilly looked totally enamored with my flaming sword. I¡¯d fight her like this, if she so wished. I needed to assess her power, after all.

    ¡°If you¡¯ve been holding back, and would like me to use magic, then I¡¯ll oblige. But don¡¯t frenzy,¡± I stated, ¡°Your move.¡±

    Her eyes turned purple, the first time I had seen them that color in a week. I could see her muscles bulging, the blood rapidly speeding through her veins, even from underneath her shirt. She licked her lips lasciviously, and lunged at me.

    She had already been moving fast. Almost too fast for me to handle. But now that she was ¡®taking it seriously¡¯, it truly felt like I was fighting someone who could teleport. I heard something crack as her sword was met with mine- I couldn¡¯t tell if that was my sword or my bones, but I had no time to stop and think. Next moment she was behind me, aiming for my back. I used a barrier to block her blow and spun around. I was expecting her to step back to avoid the blow, but she *jumped*, straight over my blade, flames licking at her feet, and over my head. I could only duck to avoid the blows she had aimed at my head.

    Because a warrior should always stand proud and tall, a swordsman never ducked. Never.

    I swiped at her landing feet as I returned to a standing position. It hit her in the thigh. She let it hit her. She taunted me with a shit eating grin as she grabbed hold of my sword, her hands blackening from the flames, and snapped it clean in two. At the same time, she used her foot to kick me in the stomach. I clutched it and fell to my knees, groaning in pain.

    ¡°Well, I think that settles it, victory is-¡±

    ¡°Mine.¡±

    She let her guard down. Just like I had, when I thought I had won. I had to abandon reason and play to the situation. I had to stop fighting according to tradition to beat her. I channeled mana from the earth to propel my feet forward, wind magic to accelerate my trajectory, and lunged forward.

    Not with the broken hilt of my sword, nor my fist, but my head. I headbutted her right in the stomach, sending her hurtling out of the dirt arena and straight into a tree. It shook and bent, but didn¡¯t fall. Several leaves and a few unripe apples fell from its branches, right on top of her head.

    ¡°You left the arena. That¡¯s a forfeit,¡± I said.

    And I couldn¡¯t help but smile. This crazy woman had really made me stoop to her level in order for me to win. I discarded the charred remains of my sword and walked over to her, offering her my hand.

    ¡°It was well fought. You¡¯re an excellent fighter, Lilly. It could have gone either way.¡±

    She looked up at me, looking like she was on the verge of tears, her eyes still maintaining that violet hue. She looked up at my face, then back at my hand.

    And slapped it away.

    ¡°D-Don¡¯t¡­ Don¡¯t patronize me¡­ I¡¯m gonna¡­ Have a shower¡­ And then get back to work¡­¡±

    Her eyes returned to normal, but she avoided eye contact as she got to her feet, brushing the dust and dirt off of her.

    ¡°I¡­¡±

    I tried to say something, but Lilly was already leaving in a huff. I remember what it was like to take losses so personally. A part of me wanted to chase after her, but, instead, I simply sighed, sitting down on the bench next to the training space, wiping off my sweat with a towel and taking a sip of bottled water that was by now lukewarm. I cooled it down with mana, and took another nice, refreshing cold sip.

    Then dumped its entire contents on my head to cool down. It was a hot day as it was, but even though my own fire magic wouldn¡¯t burn me, I could still feel the heat.

    ¡°L-Lady Ayano! A situation has popped up!¡± A butler came rushing over to me, it was clear he had sprinted his way over, ¡°T-The president of the Zeer republic¡­ He¡¯s here! Right now! On an unplanned visit!¡±

    My expression darkened. Shit.

    ¡°Well, make sure he is well taken care of, then. Tell him that I shall meet with him in my office in precisely an hour. He arrived at an inopportune time and I need a moment to make myself presentable.¡±

    ¡°Of course, Lady Ayano! I shall let him know right away!¡± He exclaimed, sprinting away.

    The fun never ends, does it?

    ~~~

    ¡°Opulent. Secluded. Decadent. I see the Selician monarchy is still the same as it ever was. Your system is so feeble that I have had to meet with the Princess rather than the Queen herself. Is she in good health?¡± Asked President Hiljosky

    My mother could only speak via communicating her words psychically to her personal mage, for him to relay. Bedridden, slowly losing her mind. She was not fit to rule, but despite her age and poor health, magic and medical care may keep her alive for another decade or more. That left me essentially in charge of the country, the Queen in everything but name. Only I frustratingly didn¡¯t have the same bureaucratic influence. Nor the same level of respect.

    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

    As much as I love my mother, as strong as my familial bonds are, with both global and domestic affairs becoming so complicated, I often find myself wishing that she could pass on. Peacefully. Even if I wasn¡¯t there at her bedside in her final moments. It would simply make my work much more simple.

    ¡°Of course, Mr President. She is still weak, but her condition has not worsened,¡± I lied, she got worse by the day, ¡°Thank you very much for asking after her. I should hope that you find your visits and talks with me plenty pleasant, however.¡±

    ¡°Hmph. Hardly. Selicians are a mockery to global progress. Still childishly playing at king of the hill whilst the rest of the world struggles to evolve towards democracy.¡±

    Hiljosky was a handsome man. Thin, young, clean shaven and tall. Neatly cut black hair rested atop his head, and he wore his grey suit professionally. The Zeerian accent was, admittedly, a sexy one too. A little hard to understand at times, and Selician wasn¡¯t his first language, but I always appreciated the way they rolled their Rs and Ls. Especially when Zeerian girls did it.

    But, even putting aside his blatant hatred for me and my country, something about him had always rubbed me the wrong way. I always felt as though there was something dishonest about him. From his personality, to the way he presents himself, to his ideals, even if I did have to give credit to the merits of a democratic system. I had no evidence for him being dishonest. It might just be an irrational gut feeling, but I had always stuck to it.

    Maybe it¡¯s because I know that he would wipe my country off the map if I showed weakness for only a moment.

    Maybe it was his voice. Maybe it was the way his nasally, sneering tone ruined an accent I otherwise appreciated. It was difficult for me to say.

    All I knew was that, no matter what system one implemented for picking a ruler, there would always be good ones and bad ones. Democracy was hardly any more valuable than Monarchy if you considered that the masses were just as likely to vote in a tyrant as a royal family was likely to birth one. That I had the position of Princess, and eventually Queen, for life meant that I had many more opportunities to implement positive changes than a President could ever hope to achieve in one term. Many more opportunities to try and unite the people, too, rather than keep them forever politically divided.

    But that was just, like, my opinion. Whatever the case, I still hated this man.

    ¡°Did you come to talk, or did you come to criticize, president Hiljosky? There must be a reason you decided to visit without any prior notice. Something urgent, I presume?¡±

    He leaned back in his chair, sighing and eyeing me up cautiously.

    ¡°I know about the Monstra bio weapon you have recently acquired.¡±

    ¡°How?¡± I respond icily, staring him down coldly.

    ¡°Never mind that, little Princess. Real countries have their ways of collecting intelligence. However, I do not know everything. But¡­ I *must* know everything. You trying to acquire something so powerful and important right under the noses of the rest of the world poses a serious threat to global security, no? This might change everything about our current peace and trade agreements. In other words, you¡¯re on thin ice.¡±

    ¡°You misunderstand, Mr President. She is not intended to be used as a bio weapon. She is a human, just like you and me¡­ I have her under a slave contract. My intent is to domesticate and neutralize her. It would be much more dangerous if I were to allow her to roam free and feral, yes? Thus, I keep her here as a maid. Not as a weapon.¡±

    ¡°Ahh, yes, a Monstra slave under contract, and you intend to keep it as a ¡®maid¡¯. Tut tut tut, I expect better from you. Do you think I¡¯m stupid?¡±

    ¡°If she is ever deployed as a weapon, it will be against the Monstras residing in Grisia-¡±

    ¡°And what then? Once the Monstras are gone, you turn it against the rest of the world? Research it and discover the secret to keeping your dear mother alive indefinitely? Lord the secret to immortality over the rest of the world? And just think of the destructive potential in wars against countries who lack the resources required to cast the annihilation sphere¡­ Think of how much territory you could acquire in a matter of weeks. Do you think I will stand back and allow you to do as you please?¡±

    ¡°... What are your demands?¡±

    ¡°Show it to me.¡±

    ¡°Denied.¡±

    ¡°If you do not¡­ I shall be adding a 50% sales tax to merchant trade between our nations. I shall lobby at the Nexus of Nations to implement yet more taxes with other countries, possibly even sanctions, too. How does that sound?¡±

    ¡°Do it.¡±

    He stands up, folding his arms and staring me down.

    ¡°I am not the type to bluff, little Princess. Do you think I won¡¯t do it? Perhaps you can afford it. But those who you would refer to as ¡®peasants¡¯ are already struggling to live. Can they accumulate wealth? Is there any potential for upward momentum within your society? What will they have to sacrifice just to stay sheltered and fed, hmm? Their children, perhaps? Will they turn to crime? These are basic considerations, my Princess, or did you forget?¡±

    ¡°You have overstayed your welcome, Mr President. Please leave.¡±

    ¡°... Very well. No matter. Perhaps this is exactly what your country needs- Imagine¡­ A civil war, burning your country to the ground. And a better system arises from the ashes. Does that not sound wonderful?¡±

    ¡°Goodbye,¡± I simply replied with an icy glare.

    With that, he finally left, opening the door.

    Only to find Lilly on the other side. She looks at him in her usual meek way. He glances back, ignoring her. None the wiser to the fact that he had just seen the ¡®bio weapon¡¯ he had been so eager to look at.

    Lilly bows apologetically, looking like a deer caught in headlights, and closes the door behind him. I see his car driving away from the estate a few minutes later.

    Well. Time to raise taxes on the noble class I suppose. Cut my own paycheck, too. Convince mother of those social support plans she had been obstinately refusing to take seriously her whole life.

    I am not going to show weakness to that man. Do your worst.

    ~~~

    It was late at night. I had skipped the evening meal, simply opting to have tea, water, and bread and butter delivered up to my office. I had been spending the entire day following the President¡¯s visit doing paperwork, writing a long and detailed letter to mother, begging for an audience. I spent a few hours working together with my accountant, trying to sort out a new tax budget with him. We ended up having to redo the entire national budget from scratch, just to account for Hiljosky¡¯s threats. We¡¯ve had to give ourselves a lot of extra room just in case he is able to get other countries to make trade more difficult or otherwise altogether impossible.

    But, one of my other advisors was also swift to point out that he had probably wanted to see Lilly in order to acquire proof of her existence. As is, he can only make baseless accusations against us at the NoN, and may have to find other reasons to justify his increase in trade tax. Which may lead to him not raising it as high as he would like.

    This is why I didn¡¯t show him Lilly in the first place, but it was nice to have someone else agree with me. Someone who I trusted.

    I had sent out word that I would be receiving no more visitors to my office for the rest of the night. I still had mountains of work to do. It all had to be done by morning, so I would forgo sleep if I had to. It was then that I heard a knock at the door.

    I tried to ignore it at first. Someone might be worried about me, someone else might have a question for me. But everyone knew to walk away if I didn¡¯t respond. I continued to work.

    More knocking. Louder this time. It was sounding desperate. I sighed. I think I knew what this was about. I walked over to the door and opened it.

    ¡°Lilly, you may not have heard, but I am not-¡±

    But it was Priscilla on the other side of the door. Not Lilly. And she had that look in her eye. That demeanor about her. She was in that mood she was always in after returning from seeing her fiance. Looking down at the ground. Lips parted, hair covering her face, trembling with fear and need.

    I had forgotten that she was returning today. It must have just been a few hours ago that she returned to the manor.

    Without a word, I turned my back to her, leaving the door open and allowing her to step inside. She did. I sat back down in my chair, and returned to work. She closed the door behind her, using the spare key to lock it, and walked over to my desk, standing just in front of it.

    <3 <3 <3

    I didn¡¯t look up at her as she undid the straps of her dress, and allowed it to fall to the ground in a crumpled heap. No underwear, as was always the case on nights when we had these intentions. She was nude, save for her black stockings. Her skin was perfect, reflecting the moonlight streaming in through the window behind me just as brilliantly as her silver hair did. She was beautiful. More beautiful than either me or Lilly. Her breasts were pert, nipples hard. That cute pussy was already dribbling nectar down her leg.

    But I had seen her naked many times before. I didn¡¯t react. I continued working.

    She walked around to my side of the desk, kneeling in front of me, underneath the desk. She began to fumble with the zip on my trouser fly. I used my hand to hold her hair back, so that I could make things easier for her. I lifted my butt off the chair and pulled down my trousers and my panties in one go.

    And there it was, standing not-so-proudly in front of her. And she finally looked up to stare at a part of me for the first time since she had entered my room.

    My dick, standing erect and tall.

    She knew I had one. That I wasn¡¯t exactly an ordinary girl. I tried to keep it a secret from everyone, aside from those I slept with. It represented an aberration, a tumor upon my soul more serious than a mere birth irregularity.

    It was proof of my hubris. It was proof of the fact that I¡¯m a fraud. It was my true face beneath all the masks. It was the one secret that could ruin me, for oh, oh so many reasons. Lilly was lucky to not have exposed it on her first day at the manor, when she melted away my clothes.

    And her eyes sparkled as she looked at it. Like it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Or perhaps the most delicious. It was a look she had every time she saw it, as though she were viewing it fresh for the first time. Never tiring of it, even though I had tired of her.

    I braced myself for what was to come next. She placed her hands delicately on it, one on the shaft, the other cupping my testicles, lightly squeezing and playing with my balls, gently rubbing the shaft up and down. Despite my better judgement, despite how much I wanted to ignore what was happening beneath my waist and focus on my work, it was already feeling good, just this light, delicate, slow touch. I was already leaking some ¡®nectar¡¯ of my own, soaking the shaft and her hands with its lubrication.

    Then she placed her tongue on the shaft. I shivered. She treated me to long, slow licks, each stroke of her tongue lasting for seconds at a time, each moment stretching into an eternity, torturing me with pleasure.

    She knew exactly what I liked. Exactly what she herself liked. Priscilla was a master at oral sex. For beneath all of the talent she had, her polite demeanor, her etiquette, her experience, her ideals, her love, her devotion to the crown and to this country, above all, she worshiped dick. It was her highest calling. I almost suspected that she loved cock more than she loved men. She probably spent the entire week with her fiance just sucking his penis, and craved more as soon as he was gone. And perhaps that was why I appealed to her. In her eyes, I was the best of both worlds. In addition, we both had strong incentives to keep this little illicit ¡®arrangement¡¯ of ours secret.

    She doesn¡¯t tell the world that I¡¯m a dick girl who sleeps with my maids, and I don¡¯t tell the world that she is cheating on her fiance with the Princess.

    We had had full on sex before. A couple times last year, when this whole thing started. When she accidentally spied on me changing, saw my penis for the first time, and immediately began to fetishize it, even though she had shown no interest in me in the years up until that point.

    Even though she hadn¡¯t tried to comfort me like this after Georgia left.

    But we both knew this was wrong. We both wanted this to stop. Or at least, I did. So I adamantly refuse to have vaginal sex with her now. I think she preferred oral sex anyway. I rejected going all in on the indulgence with all the strength I could muster, and I did, but it wasn¡¯t enough. The temptation was too strong. I had needs.

    Besides Priscilla, the last woman I had slept with was Georgia. I didn¡¯t have time for self love. For masturbation. I was always too stressed. The guilt ate away at me and I hated dealing with the drama that people brought into my lives. So I didn¡¯t have it in me to sleep around with my maids the same way I once did. Especially after seeing how much I had hurt some of them.

    Her lips began to wrap themselves around the head of my cock. She slowly impaled her head on my spear, coiling her tongue around the shaft, constricting it like a snake.

    I couldn¡¯t help it. I came. Wave after wave of clear, sperm-less cum pumped into her mouth. She clamped her lips over the shaft, devoured my cock fully, hiding it from view, deep throating it as though she had no gag reflex, and drank every last drop. I was trembling. It always felt so good. I couldn¡¯t pretend I was bored of it anymore. Each orgasm was like a supernova that rocked my entire body. A release born of months of build up.

    I was exhausted. But she kept going. She always kept going.

    So I gave up. I leaned back in my chair, and let her have her way with me.

    ---

    I think I had dozed off. I slowly blinked myself awake as I noticed the lack of pleasure in my nether regions. I was dressed again. Priscilla was dressed too. She was standing on the other side of the desk.

    ¡°Are you going to keep working?¡±

    I suppose.

    ¡°Yes.¡±

    ¡°You should sleep,¡± She insisted.

    ¡°No.¡±

    Silence.

    ¡°How has Lilly been doing?¡±

    ¡°Badly. She needs you to whip her into shape.¡±

    ¡°... Has she been to your room yet?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°You need someone right now. She¡¯s your handmaiden, yes? Let her help you.¡±

    ¡°... You¡¯re interrupting my work, Priscilla. Please leave.¡±

    Without another word, my partner in crime curtsies, and heads out the door, quietly closing it behind her.

    I swivel around in my chair and look out of the window, staring up at the moon.

    Yeah. It¡¯s about time she learned to be my handmaiden. Honestly, I don¡¯t know why¡­ Why I appointed her to that position in the first place. Maybe it was because she was supposed to be my slave, and I wanted to demonstrate my authority over her to others by granting her that role. Maybe it was because staff had been bugging me to get a new handmaiden for years- Usually, they wished to be appointed to the position, and I was tired of the extra sycophancy. Maybe because I wanted to keep an eye on somebody so dangerous. Or maybe it was an instinct. An unconscious desire.

    I thought about how hard she tried to prove her strength to me. Our fight from earlier in the day. Her egotistical speeches. The various ways in which she tries to flaunt the extra attention I have to give her.

    A single tear rolled down my cheek. A final crack in the mask, with nobody around to see it. I¡¯m not ready for it. I¡¯ll never be ready for another handmaiden. People always want all these commitments out of me when all I want is something simple in a sex partner.

    But, okay. I should fulfill my promises. Do the things I said that I¡¯ll do. But a handmaiden is all you¡¯ll be, Lilly. Nothing more.

 Chapter 5- Lilly

    I¡¯m in the kitchen, cooking. Hugo is standing behind me, looking over my shoulder as I try to fry up some morning brunch he had been trying to teach me how to cook. Something simple, a beginners dish. It¡¯s just sausage, onions, eggs, garlic, and potatoes. The gravy was pre-made, they had mountains of the stuff already pre-prepared, so I just had to pour a bit of that on at the end.

    ¡°Sausage looks good. Fish it out and put in the onions and garlic. Let it cook in the meat¡¯s oils. The other pan looks heated up. Add the butter to it, let it melt, then you can crack an egg in there. Don¡¯t forget to season the eggs and the onions with salt and pepper. Add some chilies to the egg if you like some spice. Use the spoon to baste the butter over the egg yolk. Don¡¯t overcook it. I have some things to do, I¡¯ll be back in fifteen minutes.¡±

    Gah! So many steps! Why did cooking have to be so specific? This was lame. Once he was gone, I added the butter to the egg pan and the garlic and onions to the sausage pan, but it took forever to melt. I smacked the egg on the counter to crack it, but only succeeded at getting egg all over the table, watching as it dribbled onto the floor. I grumbled and cleaned it up with a paper towel, and by the time I was done, the butter had melted, but the onions were already starting to burn. Gah! I had forgotten to turn the heat down! I hastily took the pan off the flame and turned it off. I heard the counter sizzling as the pan began to burn the wooden counter top. Oh well, too late for that! I tried cracking another egg, this time using the side of the pan. I succeeded, it all went in the pan this time, but the yoke cracked, sort of turning it into a homogeneous mess. A few egg shell shards landed inside too, I think. Uh¡­ Right, okay! I could make it scrambled egg and claim that I wanted to put my own spin on the recipe! I added a second egg and whisked it all together, making what I thought was a pretty damn good scrambled egg!

    Wait. But I could make it even better. I dumped the egg into the onion pan, mixing it all together. An omelette! I was a genius, I¡¯d make it an omelette! This was how you made them, right? Lots of salt and pepper, freshly chopped chilies, then I cut up the sausage and added it to my glorious creation. I had it all nicely served for Hugo on the kitchen table, feeling mighty impressed with my raw creative culinary talent.

    He returned, sitting at the table and looking at my meal.

    ¡°What happened to this?¡±

    ¡°I-I decided to make an omelette. It¡¯s my own Lilly special!¡± I exclaimed proudly.

    ¡°It¡¯s an abomination, that¡¯s what it is. Let¡¯s take a bite, though¡­¡±

    I had supplied him with a knife and fork, but he stood up and walked over to pick up a spoon. He cautiously took a big spoonful, and fed it into his mouth, chewing¡­ And chewing¡­ Then he swallowed. He must have actually liked it if he swallowed! He sat back and eyed up the food, then looked back up at me.

    ¡°Awful. Just awful. It tastes both under cooked and burnt at the same time. It¡¯s too salty. You added too many chilies. It¡¯s all too much or not enough, and none of it works together. Only the sausage tastes good, and that¡¯s the part I watched you doing. This has to be your worst attempt yet, Lilly. Listen, one day I¡¯ll teach you how to make Omelettes. Or scrambled eggs. Or whatever you were attempting here.¡±

    ¡°Scrambled omelettes?¡± I interjected.

    ¡°There¡¯s a reason those aren¡¯t a thing. This, right here, is the reason people don¡¯t make those. Listen. You have to take baby steps. Master one by one the recipes I actually attempt to teach you.¡± He sighed deeply, ¡°You¡¯re done for the day. Go find something else to do.¡±

    ¡°O-Oh¡­¡± I actually felt a little deflated, ¡°I¡¯ll throw this away right away then¡­ I¡¯m sorry, Hugo.¡±

    ¡°Ah ah ah! Not quite. I forgot, there¡¯s actually one last thing you have to do for me. Siddown,¡± He commanded.

    I obeyed.

    He slid the plate over to me, and handed me a different spoon.

    ¡°In this household, we eat our mistakes. Enjoy.¡±

    With that, he walked off once again. I was presented with a plate of my own cooking. It looked¡­ Much less appetizing, sitting beneath my own nose. I scrunched up my face.

    I thought back to Lizzy yelling at me for over watering the plants. At the maids rolling their eyes when I tried to explain that I was underneath the table to clean out all the nooks and crannies that nobody would ever see, all whilst they worked to clean the actual visible surfaces. About how excited I was to be cleaning near Ayano¡¯s office, causing me to accidentally knock over some precious ornaments. About being admonished for trying to wash the paintings. About losing a bout to Ayano that I should have won, and listening in on the conversation with that President guy, and learning that my very existence may worsen the living conditions for the people of this country.

    I hated all of it. Especially losing that duel to Ayano. I was still in a foul mood, stewing over how badly that loss had stung me. I didn¡¯t want to appear weak in her mind.

    I gave my food a sniff. A quick lick, too. Yeah. Dreadful. Better than the ¡®food¡¯ I ate at the Leywood estate, but still terrible. Nobody would want to eat this. I don¡¯t. So I tossed it into the compost bin and walked away.

    I vowed to never again make a mistake for the rest of my life. That way, I wouldn¡¯t be ordered to eat them.

    And I still hated that smug prick.

    ~~~

    As far as I knew, Hugo was none the wiser to me not having eaten my failed attempt at cooking, as I was still given food later that night. Not that meal time was fun anymore. After that first night, Ayano had placed me at the bottom of the table, with everyone else. I still didn¡¯t know very many people¡¯s names, as most people didn¡¯t want to talk to me and I didn¡¯t want to talk to them. I had a reputation as both a monster, an idiot with an Ayano complex, and a clumsy maid. Those were all true, but I think some of them may even believe that I was intentionally and maliciously doing a bad job. That wasn¡¯t true, or at least, I didn¡¯t think it was. I didn¡¯t understand myself sometimes. At the very least, I had learned to use cutlery. It wasn¡¯t fair! I should be sitting with Ayano, now that I¡¯ve learned some manners¡­

    Nobles were raising their voices at the head of the table. There were much fewer of them milling about the manor than there were a week ago, as most of them had been here to see me in the first place. But some of them lived here, and Ayano seemed to have a daily rotation of guests. I think they were complaining about taxes or something. Even though it was my fault, I couldn¡¯t feel sympathy for nobles, so I tried to ignore it and focus on my delicious spaghetti selecianese. I wonder if Ayano enjoyed this food too¡­ She never compliments it, but she always cleans her plate. Does she like Hugo because he¡¯s a good cook? Maybe if I learned to cook better, Ayano would like me more too¡­ ¡®Sleep with me Lilly! Your sausage was so good it put me into heat!¡¯

    I smirked at that thought.

    ¡°And what are you so happy about?¡± A short, persistently scowling, temperamental little maid who I think was named Beth snapped at me.

    ¡°N-Nothing¡­ I just like the food¡­¡±

    ¡°Hmph! At least there are some basic things you can appreciate¡­ But if you¡¯re gonna smile, don¡¯t do it whilst making googly eyes at Lady Ayano. It¡¯s creepy.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t interpret Lilly uncharitably¡­ She¡¯s just grateful to Lady Ayano, that¡¯s all,¡± Priscilla interjected, making eye contact with me and offering me a warm smile.

    ¡°Y-Yeah¡­ Um¡­ T-Thanks, P-Priscilla¡­¡±

    ¡°Hmph. If you say so. I¡¯m still not convinced it thinks much of anything¡­ Especially not gratitude¡­¡± Beth huffed.

    Nobody responded to that. No one knows how to defend someone being dehumanized, especially not when most of them probably secretly agree that I¡¯m not a person, and I¡¯m not interested enough in earning some random maid¡¯s approval to defend myself either.

    So, with the conversation over, I return to daydreaming as I wonder if Ayano even likes Selecian cuisine that much. Maybe the Princess would prefer foreign dishes? I¡¯d cook anything if it meant getting into her panties¡­ I mean, her heart¡­

    ~~~

    Once dinner ended, it was my duty to clean the plates and cutlery. Washing up was one of the few things I was actually pretty good at. It was a simple task, after all, but I think the kitchen staff still found it impressive. Or perhaps they were simply relieved. Because as easy as the work was, I was still handling fragile, expensive tableware. I could easily smash a whole lot of plates and cause a lot of damage. But I hadn¡¯t had such accidents yet.

    Still. I wasn¡¯t going to make a name for myself as a dishwasher¡­ Especially with talks of them getting a machine that ran on arcane circles, which could wash the dishes automatically. Damn magical automation! Putting me out of a job!

    I nearly flinched as someone tapped me on the shoulder, however. Nobody ever bothered me whilst I was cleaning the dishes. I smelled peach, and immediately knew who it was.

    ¡°Ayano!¡± I exclaimed, spinning around on my heels to face her.

    Indeed, there she was, standing in the kitchen. It was almost surreal to see her here. It felt like too lowly a place for someone of her status. She was even currently wearing the same outfit she had been when I first met her, making her stick out even more- I guess they shipped in an identical replacement after I had destroyed the last set of clothes.

    ¡°Come to my room once you¡¯re finished here. Knock on the door- I¡¯ll know it¡¯s you. Don¡¯t keep me waiting.¡±

    My heart felt like it wanted to leap out of my chest. Me? In her room? Oh my god oh my god oh my god, was this really happening?

    ¡°Are we gonna-¡± I began to blurt out.

    ¡°- Correct. I¡¯ve been busy this past week, but it¡¯s time we officially began your handmaiden training, yes?¡±

    ¡°R-Right. Yeah. I¡¯ll be right there, then.¡±

    ¡°Good.¡±

    Okay. Calm down¡­ This is still good. I haven¡¯t gotten to spend much time with Ayano, this will be fine¡­ I tried to ignore the gazes upon me, tried to pretend that there wasn¡¯t a permanent blush on my face as I hurried to finish my work without making a mistake or sacrificing quality, much as I wanted to drop everything and rush up there right away¡­

    But as I worked, and as my thoughts lingered, a thought occurred to me.

    I hadn¡¯t considered killing any of these people for a number of days, had I? Even though I barely saw Ayano, even though they mocked me, even though the work was tiring and difficult.

    Was I becoming domesticated?

    ¡°Hey.¡±

    Ugh. I turned to see Hugo, walking over to me carrying a bowl of fluffy white rice. He set it down on a table, cracked an egg over it, and whisked it into the rice with a pair of chopsticks, before sprinkling some green flakes over top of it and placing a spoon down next to it.

    Thank god, no way was I using chopsticks.

    ¡°Jishian comfort food. Something a little different. It¡¯s all yours- Once you''re done, go see Ayano. I¡¯ll have someone else finish the dishes.¡±

    ¡°O-Oh. Thank you.¡±

    As I went to sit down, he placed a hand on my shoulder.

    ¡°You¡¯re a good dishwasher. You follow instructions well when it comes to that. And I can tell you¡¯re enthusiastic about cooking. So, even if it was an honest assessment, sorry for being harsh earlier. If you¡¯re willing to work with me here, I can still whip you up into an excellent chef. You just have to follow my instructions when it comes to cooking as well as you do when it comes to dish washing. And years from now, when you¡¯re a master chef, *then* you can start experimenting. Okay?¡±

    ¡°O-Okay¡­ Thanks again, Hugo.¡±

    ¡°Good girl,¡± He says, taking his hand off my shoulder and moving a few steps away from me, ¡°But remember, if you¡¯re serious about learning, then I¡¯m going to be much more strict with you. You better be prepared!¡±

    A smirk crosses his face as he disappears into the furthest reaches of the kitchen. Ugh. I was just beginning to like him, but I still hate that *damn smirk*. Still¡­ I¡¯m willing to try taking his instructions seriously.

    Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site.

    I pick up the spoon and eat a spoonful of the rice. It looked so simple, and smelled really funky, but¡­ My mouth exploded with flavor. The best rice. The best egg, all melty and warm, barely cooked by the hot rice. And a sort of fishy, salty taste that I assumed was coming from the green stuff. Wait¡­ This wasn¡¯t that ¡®seaweed¡¯ I had heard so much about, was it?

    I wolfed it down. It wasn¡¯t as decadent as a lot of the meals I had had this past week, but¡­ If this was ¡®comfort food¡¯, then I wanted to learn the best of what Jishian cuisine had to offer. Even if it meant delaying seeing Ayano for a few more minutes¡­ I think I¡¯d have been happy with seconds.

    Maybe I was becoming domesticated. My affections being won over so easily with a pat on the shoulder and good food¡­ Maybe¡­ Maybe that was okay.

    ~~~

    I was staring at Ayano¡¯s door. I had seen it a few times, passing by it whilst cleaning, but it was in a part of the manor that not many people besides her had a reason to visit unless they were cleaning. Up a flight of stairs nearby my room, her bedroom spanned the entire top floor of the manor, though it did seem to be a slightly smaller floor than the other three floors and the basement below it. Still, it felt like a private, luxurious space up here, and I hadn¡¯t even seen the interior yet.

    I was still working up the courage to knock. My hand was slowly about to finally knock, but then I heard a voice from the other side of the door.

    ¡°I know you¡¯re there, Lilly. I told you not to keep me waiting, did I not?¡±

    ¡°S-Sorry, Lady Ayano, I was nervous¡­¡±

    A deep sigh, then I heard something shuffle from inside. Seconds later, and the door opened.

    Ayano was standing there before me in what appeared to be her undershirt. It seemed she had just removed the jacket and the cape of her outfit, and nothing else. It was hardly something to be lounging around in, but still, it was nice to see her with her regal defenses down just a little bit. She stepped aside to let me in.

    It was a very large and impressive room, for sure. A golden candlestick next to her gigantic bed, easily able to fit three people or more, a red carpet where most of the rooms just had rugs, and a blue rug that seemed to be decorated with real gold trim. The rug depicted a dragon of some kind. A painting of what I assumed was the imperial palace hung on the wall opposite her bed, and she seemed to have a large, walk-in wardrobe. The door to it was open, and I could see so many gorgeous outfits for just about any occasion inside, and it made my head spin.

    All that had been more or less expected. But what I hadn¡¯t expected was¡­ Just how *messy* the room was. Clothes and paperwork were strewn everywhere across the floor alongside food crumbs, drawers from her chest of drawers laid upside down on the floor, and makeup and beauty products and lord knows what else lay all over the place on her desk. Mold lined the edges of the windows. Everything looked dusty and out of place, and I shuddered to think of what had become of her no doubt formerly beautiful on-suite bathroom.

    ¡°This is what happens when you¡¯re a busy Princess without a handmaiden. Especially when that same Princess has recently taken on the liability of enslaving what everyone wants to call a ¡®bio weapon¡¯. They¡¯re not even using the term correctly. A bio weapon would be a synthetically created disease unleashed on a population, not a human girl with Monstra powers¡­¡± Ayano grumbled, sitting herself down on the bed, folding her arms, and crossing her legs.

    ¡°R-Right¡­ I didn¡¯t know that¡­ You¡­ Um¡­ Didn¡¯t have a handmaiden¡­ For so long¡­¡±

    ¡°Sure,¡± Ayano sighed, ¡°But don¡¯t worry about it, it¡¯s okay. You¡¯re here now, but there¡¯s not much I want for you to do for today. Also, frankly, I¡¯d rather you focused on maintaining the rest of the manor than this room. None of my guests see this room. It¡¯s okay if it¡¯s messy.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ It¡¯s where you *sleep*, Ayano¡­ It¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s y-your space¡­¡± I mutter.

    A sympathetic smile crossed her face.

    ¡°I know. That¡¯s why I want you here. Because I don¡¯t have someone to take care of my basic needs when I¡¯m too busy to take care of myself. Just¡­ Don¡¯t make being my handmaiden the most important thing to you, okay? Take joy in the rest of the work you do. Make friends with the other servants. I hear they don¡¯t like you that much yet, but you can change that. Understand?¡±

    I sadly nodded, even though I didn¡¯t fully agree with her. A good person would like me right away, treat me like a human, and be sexy. Like she is. Why should I have to ingratiate myself to dull, mean idiots?

    ¡°Good. Now¡­ Here¡¯s the most important thing you must learn about being my handmaiden. It¡¯s this.¡±

    She reached into her bedside drawer and pulled out what appeared to be a tiny silver bell, quite dusty, clearly not used in sometime, and she blows the dust off of it and wipes it down with a napkin. It was one you could pick up with one hand and ring. She did just that, shaking it from side to side to cause a pretty, distinctive, quiet tinkling ring to emulate from the ornate object.

    ¡°This bell is special. Once I attune it to you, any time it is rung, you will be able to hear it, no matter how far away from it you are. I will keep it on me or next to me at all times. As soon as you hear the bell, you¡¯ll also be given a rough idea of where I am¡­ Or, more specifically, where the bell is. Wherever you are, whatever you¡¯re doing, come find me as soon as you hear this, okay?¡±

    ¡°Umm¡­ Okay!¡±

    I liked that. A constant connection to Ayano. I would travel across galaxies to find Ayano and her bell!

    ¡°Okay. Place your hand on it, then we¡¯ll test it out.¡±

    I emphatically nod my head and shuffle forward, reaching out my hand to touch it¡­ Ayano is also still holding it, so my fingers brush up against hers. It sends tingles all across my body. I feel a slight rumble, unrelated to my emotions, probably. The moment ends, and I know it¡¯s time to let go and step back.

    ¡°Cover your ears,¡± She says.

    When I do, she rings it. I can¡¯t quite hear the sound from the bell itself, but¡­ I hear it quite loudly in my head. All my attention focuses on the bell, too. I already know where it is, it¡¯s right in front of me, but I¡¯m *extra aware* of just how in front of me it really is!

    ¡°I-It seems to be working!¡±

    ¡°Excellent,¡± she says, flipping it upside down to flick a mechanism that appeared to be some kind of lock, so that it wouldn¡¯t accidentally ring, and placed it down on her bedside table.

    I liked seeing it there. I began to romanticize that bell immediately. It was like I would be sleeping next to Ayano every night from now on, just within arms reach, even if I would still be sleeping in my own bed downstairs.

    ¡°Now¡­ Next on the list. Since it has been a few years now, there are many things I have learned to do by myself. Things I used to require a handmaiden for, but now don¡¯t. Such as changing my clothes¡­ And bathing. I want to make it very clear that I can do these things without your help, Lilly. But¡­ If you are willing to be mature, it would be very much appreciated if you would be able to help me out with such matters. Washing parts of myself can be a nuisance, and many clothes I wear were designed for nobles who have servants in mind, making them difficult to manage by oneself. Difficult, but, as I have learned, and will continue to reiterate, not impossible.¡±

    ¡°I¡­ I can be¡­ M-Mature¡­ About it¡­¡± I mutter, my heart is already beating.

    Ayano! Naked! Ayano! Naked! Let¡¯s go let¡¯s go let¡¯s go!

    ¡°Then¡­ In that case, I would appreciate your assistance in changing into my nightgown, Lilly. First¡­ Undo the buttons of my shirt.¡±

    Ayano turned around and sat cross legged on the bed, raising up her ponytail so that her hair wouldn¡¯t get in the way. It was now that I noticed that her shirt had a strange design- The buttons were on the back rather than on the front. I guess this is what she meant by ¡®clothes designed for nobles with servants¡¯. I had to admit that all of her clothing that weren¡¯t those boring suits looked nice, so I guess it was worth it. Still, I wouldn¡¯t wear stuff like this. The maid dress by itself was already somewhat of a hassle.

    I crouched down next to the bed and got to work. It wasn¡¯t super difficult to undo them as a servant, but obviously, trying to do it by oneself would be a nuisance. Button by button, I exposed more of her back. My heart nearly stopped when I saw the strap of her white bra. When I did, I started to drink in more of her scent, too. The way she really smelled beneath whatever she used to achieve that peach scent. Her real scent, something I hadn¡¯t even smelt during that time I frenzied on my first day here, drove me crazy. Sent me to cloud nine. It was heaven on earth.

    ¡°You¡¯re sniffing a lot. You have a cold?¡±

    ¡°N-No¡­ I just¡­¡±

    ¡°Remember Lilly. Be mature.¡±

    ¡°I just thought¡­ You smelled good¡­ Didn¡¯t mean to be perverted¡­ O-Or make you uncomfortable¡­¡±

    ¡°... Then thank you. Carry on.¡±

    I don¡¯t think my defense convinced her.

    Soon, the shirt was off, and she removed the rest of it herself. It was so nice to see her in a state of undress in a peaceful context. Her bra strap seemed to have various pins holding it together that also seemed to be a pain to remove.

    ¡°Yes, Lilly, that too.¡±

    Be mature Lilly. Be mature. Be-

    I hastily fumbled to un-clip the bra, and it immediately fell away from her body. I wished I could see *those* in their full glory, but she had her back to me. I think my eyes had turned purple. I felt blood rushing throughout my body, my breathing was loud, fast, and heavy.

    ¡°Doing okay?¡± She asked, still completely unphased, like she always was.

    ¡°Yeah!¡±

    ¡°... I can do the rest. Go and fetch the night gown from the wardrobe.¡±

    I reluctantly got to my feet and stood up, heading over to the wardrobe. She hung things up neatly in here, but it was all in an order I didn¡¯t understand. It took me about a minute of looking around to find the nightgown. Possibly because I hung around the door, so that I could take peaks at Ayano. She had turned back around on the bed, and was removing her trousers. Her white panties came into view, and I noticed a speck of my drool land on the carpet. Her breasts were in full view too, pert and large but not obscene. I was taken once more by how perfect her skin was, hairless, tanned, spotless, every pore oozing with sex appeal. She was so curvy. So toned. Strong but beautiful. Delicate yet indestructible. I wanted to run my tongue across every inch of her, eat her up as though she were the world¡¯s hottest ice cream.

    I walked back over to her, holding the nightgown. I¡¯d picked up the first one I could find. A violet, vaguely see-through one.

    ¡°Help me step inside it, and¡­¡±

    I placed the nightgown aside and crawled on top of her, burying my head inside that perfect cleavage, releasing the most satisfied sigh I had ever released, running my hands all across the side of her body, sniffing even more of her scent, extending my tongue to lick her, murmuring with pleasure, sliding my hands into the waistband of my panties and-

    And she used her foot to push me back onto the floor. Gently, kindly. I was forced into a kneeling position by her authority, and she had her bare foot on my face. I was looking up at her, the world around her fading away into a purple haze, my mind focused entirely on her image.

    ¡°Every time we¡¯re alone¡­ Or even when we¡¯re not alone, for that matter¡­ And any time I show you any attention or respect, you do this. I¡¯ve been patient with you, Lilly, but this is becoming a tiresome pattern. Are you trying to embarrass me, Lilly? Do you wish to degrade yourself? You may appreciate me, but we barely know each other. I haven¡¯t heard reports of you attempting to sexually harass anyone else. Explain yourself to me.¡±

    ¡°I¡­¡±

    My mind was blank. I couldn¡¯t explain myself. How could I? Who cared? I just loved her¡­

    ¡°I just¡­ I just¡­ Want¡­ You¡­ To¡­ Step¡­ Step on me¡­ Harder¡­¡±

    She obeyed my wishes, suddenly pushing her foot down and grinding my head into the carpet with intense pressure. It wasn¡¯t exactly the cleanest carpet. Hadn¡¯t been hoovered in a while. I licked up a crumb. A crumb from something Ayano had no doubt eaten in the past¡­ Her dried saliva would be on it. An indirect kiss?

    ¡°Monstras don¡¯t tend to discriminate between targets. We know them to kill any man and fuck any woman. So I¡¯m not accepting your nature as an excuse. Explain yourself to me. Or else this will be your last night as my handmaiden.¡±

    ¡°You¡­¡± It was difficult to speak with my mouth against the carpet, and the pressure on my head, and my lust running wild, ¡°You¡­ Treat me¡­ Like¡­ A¡­ Human¡­¡±

    ¡°And the others don¡¯t? I¡¯d say the others treat you far more like a human. They treat you like an adult. To me, it feels like I have to treat you like a child.¡±

    ¡°I¡­¡±

    What did I really like about her, besides her kindness towards me? Was it her body? No, Priscilla was arguably just as hot, and was also kind to me¡­ Her status? No, if anything, her social status was a mark against her¡­ Her food? No, Hugo and his chefs made the meals, not Ayano herself. Her fashion? Who cares, when I just wanted to see her naked.

    Was it because she was the *most* kind? She had set me free from a slave contract and was struggling to maintain the lie. Is it because she¡¯s protecting me from overseas politicians and domestic nobles? Maybe, but I didn¡¯t understand that stuff, and I liked her before all of that.

    Then I realized.

    ¡°You¡­ Were the first¡­ Since the Leywoods¡­ You just¡­ Came first¡­¡±

    ¡°... I see.¡±

    ¡°And¡­!¡± I exclaimed, suddenly thinking of something else, ¡°You¡­ You reign me in¡­ You keep me¡­ From killing everyone in sight¡­ You don¡¯t just treat me like a human¡­ You make me¡­ Make me *feel* human¡­¡± I remember thinking about that last week, and I was happy that I just remembered.

    ¡°You dominate me. Even without a contract. You demand my respect, you¡­ beat me in a fight. It was the very first fight I had ever lost. You make me weak to the knees with just your voice. It¡¯s your voice. Your smell. Your demeanor, you have an aura nobody else has. You command power that I¡¯d respect even if you were but a common peasant¡­ You¡­¡±

    She¡¯s everything Gloria Leywood was to me. A sexy woman to dominate me. Only Ayano La Belfonse doesn¡¯t need a slave contract to dominate me.

    ¡°I¡¯m just¡­ A useless¡­ Useless girl¡­ With useless powers¡­ With useless urges¡­ I¡¯m broken and beaten and¡­ I don¡¯t know of any other way of life¡­ I don¡¯t know how to respect myself¡­ I want someone who can¡­ Fill all the gaps in my soul. Tell me what to think. Take me out of my own mind. Someone who can save me from myself. You¡¯re the only person I¡¯ve ever met¡­ Who I can trust to do that. My¡­ My senses are very acute. All of them. I notice everything. I used them to notice that you¡¯re the only person in existence who isn¡¯t a fraud. Whose power is genuine. That is why¡­ In such a short time¡­ You have come to mean everything to me.¡±

    The carpet tasted salty all of a sudden. I was crying. I was crying my eyes out, in fact. And I was shivering still, not with lust, but with vulnerability. Slowly, I felt the pressure release from my head.

    ¡°Get up on the bed, Lilly. Sit next to me.¡±

    <3 <3 <3

    She reached out a hand to help me up. I wiped my eyes and did as she asked, sitting next to her, looking down at my feet. She brought me into an embrace, resting my head against her shoulder. She began to stroke my hair ever so softly.

    ¡°You¡¯re a very sweet girl, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°No¡­ I¡¯m not¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes, you are. You really are. You¡¯re¡­ Much, much too sweet.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ I¡¯m weak¡­¡±

    ¡°Do you mean our fight? Oh Lilly¡­ It took me everything I had to scrape together that victory¡­ You¡¯re the strongest person I have ever dueled. You¡¯re strong and sweet¡­ The perfect combination¡­¡±

    She was whispering so softly into my ear. She didn¡¯t sound like Ayano anymore. She sounded like¡­ A goddess of love. She was whispering straight into my soul. I was beginning to feel something I had never felt before well up within me. It was like¡­ a fountain, slowly releasing its waters into my system, flushing out the negativity, slowly spreading all across my body. It wasn¡¯t a shiver of lust, even if it did also make my pussy feel good¡­ Nor was it the unbearable butterflies of infatuation¡­ It¡­ Was so much better¡­ Love¡­ Affection¡­ An appreciation for the beauty of sound.

    ¡°Yes¡­ You¡¯re very sweet¡­ But you¡¯ve been¡­ A bad girl. But¡­ You can redeem yourself¡­ So¡­ To encourage you to improve, would you like to know¡­ What I do with good girls?¡± She whispered, she was even closer now, I could feel her breath in my ear.

    ¡°Yes¡­¡± I muttered, my faculties of speech failing me.

    ¡°I touch them¡­ Ever so softly¡­¡±

    ¡°... Where¡­?¡±

    ¡°... Wherever I like, Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°I want to touch you too, Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°Not until I say you can¡­ You have to be patient¡­ Like a good girl¡­¡±

    ¡°A good girl? So¡­ If¡­ I¡¯m that¡­. Then¡­ Then you¡­ Touch¡­ Me¡­ You¡¯ll¡­ Do that¡­ If I¡¯m a good girl?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right, Lilly. I want to touch you. I really do. I love the way your eyes sparkle when you look at me. I think about your lips. Your ears. Your nose. I find myself staring at your cleavage. Your thighs. I love the slutty little maid outfit I make you wear¡­ Of all the maids, you look the best in it. Lilly¡­ I often imagine you naked¡­ I¡­ Imagine us¡­ In this situation. I want¡­ I want to see the real you¡­¡±

    ¡°Me¡­ Too¡­ I¡­ I wanna be¡­ Your bitch¡­¡±

    ¡°I know you do, Lilly.¡±

    Ayano moves her hand up to my cheek, brushing my hair out of the way. Those crimson eyes of hers are suddenly staring into mine with such lust. It melts me. Her mouth opens, approaching mine. I can¡¯t help it. I¡¯m powerless. I love it. How could I have ever convinced myself that I was ever capable of turning the tables on her? Her lips meet with mine.

    Kissing.

    A song I had long forgotten enters my head¡­ It¡¯s¡­ A waltz. My tongue soon finds itself dancing to its melody, and somehow, Ayano knows how to move to my tune, leading me effortlessly as our tongues glide back and forth across each other¡¯s mouths, twisting, locking together, loving. We¡¯re moaning softly into each other¡¯s mouths. I can feel the way her body is humming, the pace of her heart beat, the way her muscles tense and relax with every slight movement. The touch of her bare skin supplies me with a comforting warmth that now makes a fire seem cold. We merge together until I can¡¯t tell where I end and she begins, and flesh has never seemed so beautiful to me. Kill me now and this would be my heaven. This was all I wanted.

    ¡°Lay down on the bed.¡±

    That moment that felt like an eternity ends too soon as she pulls away, and before I could obey that sultry voice of hers, she lowers me down onto the bed instead. I¡¯m powerless to resist.

    ¡°Bark like a dog.¡±

    ¡°... Aaaarf¡­ Arf!¡±

    ¡°You remembered my preference¡­ Good girl¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ Oh my god¡­ Praise me more¡­ I love it when you call me that¡­¡±

    ¡°Only if you behave. Stay still, Lilly.¡±

    My skirt was raised up, exposing my panties. I was wearing a black, lacy pair. I had to wear what I was provided with, after all. She pulled them down. I felt her hot breath teasing my womanhood. I was doing everything in my power not to squirm, but my breaths were already starting to come out as soft moans. I placed my arm over my face to hide my eyes, clutching my hair tightly.

    ¡°Moan as loudly as you like¡­ Nobody will hear you,¡± She said.

    ¡°Noo¡­ Don¡¯t¡­ Don¡¯t say that¡­¡±

    But my false protests were cut short, as she began to run her tongue across the folds of my slit. Running it up and down, back and forth, before switching to use her tongue to slowly circle my clitoris, mercilessly teasing that sensitive little bead.

    Naturally, I began to moan loudly. I couldn¡¯t restrain myself. She was even gently biting it now¡­ Oh god¡­ How haven''t I frenzied yet¡­ This was beyond any pleasure I had ever felt before¡­

    ¡°I like the way you moan¡­ You taste delicious¡­ You¡¯re being very good to me, Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°Everything I am¡­ Belongs to you, Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°Good¡­ In that case¡­ I can do this¡­¡±

    She finally began to enter her tongue inside, pushing past the folds, her mouth and nose pressing up against my pussy, head disappearing between my legs as her tongue began to penetrate the deepest depths of my vagina. It was as though she had already licked me hundreds of times before¡­ In seconds, she found sensitive spots that I had never found by myself. I clamped my thighs around her head, and began to drown her in my seemingly endless flood of arousal. It was amazing, it was intoxicating, I had found heaven, I had beaten life, I had found my destination, I had found love, I had-!

    I came, and everything went white. *White*. Not black! Flecks of orange and green covered my vision. Warm, wholesome feelings. I understood. I understood what I had been missing this whole time. Real, genuine connection.

    My entire body went limp, my heavy breathing began to slow, and I felt her voice next to my ear again.

    ¡°Good girl¡­ Go to sleep now¡­ Sweet dreams¡­¡±

    Immediately, my consciousness descended into those peaceful unconscious depths. I was likely about to experience the best sleep I had ever had in my life.

 Chapter 6- Ayano

    I woke up the following morning with a headache. The sun was streaming in through the window, peeking in through the curtains, and I saw Lilly sleeping next to me, still in her maid dress, a big smile on her face. A pang of guilt tugged at my stomach. I really had done that, hadn¡¯t I?

    I tried to ignore her as I quietly showered and got changed into a summer dress, before heading downstairs to have my morning breakfast and a cup of tea in the garden. I made sure to wear the look on my face that would discourage anyone from approaching me, although in passing, I did see Priscilla wearing what I interpreted as a knowing smile on her face as she looked over me.

    Today was a day that I needed to take off. Rest. Re-evaluate myself. What was I doing? What was any of this? Why had I decided that it was a good idea to heavily deepen a naive monster¡¯s intense yet shallow crush on me? I could scarcely even think through my predicament right now, as I mindlessly stared off into the distance and indulged in the quiet moments, not a single thought being able to fully form in my head.

    Okay. Focus. How did I feel about Lilly? Why did I do that? Why did I feel as though I had done something wrong?

    I tried to replay last night¡¯s events again in my head, over and over. I know that I hadn¡¯t been intending to sleep with her. At least not on that night. But something in me had clicked, awakened my deepest lusts, and¡­ It wasn¡¯t just because Lilly was cute.

    Or maybe it was. She was very sweet. Very cute. It felt fun to bully and tease her¡­

    But I had always thought that, and I had restrained myself up until now¡­ Then I remembered. The exact words she had said that had flipped that switch.

    ¡®I know you¡¯re not a fraud¡¯

    That was it. Those were the words. They were so laughable that I think they broke me.

    They were the exact words I needed to hear to prove that she didn¡¯t understand me at all. Not even a little bit. They made me realise that I was dealing with a child in the body of an adult. Young, emotionally stunted, passionate, but with no understanding of anything.

    It felt pointless to continue to insist that she stay ¡®mature¡¯. That I try to communicate my point of view. She had a particular image of me in her head, and she was in love with that. Not with who I actually was. So why not be that person? Wear that mask for her? It was all she wanted, after all. It wasn¡¯t like I didn¡¯t want to indulge in that fantasy either. I would love to be a sex goddess who didn¡¯t have to worry about responsibility. She had flattered my ego with her own false image of myself. But she wasn¡¯t the person for me. And I was beginning to realise that such a person might not exist for me. Maybe they don¡¯t exist for anyone. All there is is a shallow connection, shallow people sharing shallow words and having shallow sex, just to lick each other¡¯s psychological wounds.

    To pretend we have things that we can never have, I¡­ I was willing to admit that it was a game I had long ago given up playing. My heart had been withered away by years of guilt and irritating people who only wanted to use me for their own needs. Maybe I never had much of a ¡®heart¡¯ to begin with. Maybe I¡¯m just not that sort of person, and I am just¡­ Some sort of slut, a succubus who takes what she wants and leaves.

    I don¡¯t believe anyone can offer true commitment. But I can¡¯t even pretend to offer commitment anymore. Except, to be responsible, I had to pretend to commit. Not just for her sake or mine, but for the world¡¯s.

    Seeing the real me would hurt her. Rejecting her outwardly would hurt her¡­ She was in desperate need of affection, and she wouldn¡¯t accept it from anyone else but me. At least not right now. But going down this path, I realise now that she¡¯s probably going to suffer more pain in the long run.

    But at least for now¡­ I had to maintain this illusion of love. There was no telling what she might do if she faced rejection after what happened last night. I shuddered to think about what might happen if she found out about me and Priscilla. How I would explain that Priscilla didn¡¯t mean as much to me as Lilly did. She was going to want more and more and I was going to run out of myself to give. We had to kill the Monstra quickly. I had to¡­ Use advancement in our relationship as a carrot on the stick to motivate her to do my bidding. It made me sick to my stomach. I didn¡¯t want to use her like this. I didn¡¯t want to use anyone like this. It made me wish that I really was the person she thought I was. Then this could be the perfect fairy tale story for her. Kill the monsters, save the princess, save the world. Classic literature.

    Nothing about this story was going to work out for her, though. Nor for me. Besides¡­ Even if¡­ We did have a future together¡­ I was going to die much sooner than her. I don¡¯t have much life left, now that I¡¯ve broken the slave contract. Meanwhile, she might end up living far, far longer than any human. Monstras seem to be biologically immortal, even if they¡¯re not quite invincible.

    The best I could do was ensure a future for the world, even if I couldn¡¯t ensure a future for us. Even if I didn¡¯t want a future for us. Save Terrestia, and sacrifice ourselves upon its altar.

    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

    I looked at the bell sitting on the table. I¡¯d been debating whether to ring it for some time now. I did need to speak to her. Sooner rather than later, unfortunately. But my body wasn¡¯t moving.

    ¡°Ring it, Ayano. I said ring it!¡±

    Nope.

    ¡°... Ugh, fine!¡±

    I finally picked it up and gave it a ring.

    ~~~

    Lilly arrived looking pretty messy and disheveled. Only natural, since she had slept in her maid uniform. Her hair was a mess, her outfit crumpled, but none of that bothered me. What did bother me, however, was the sinking spiral of uncertainty that I felt in my gut as soon as I laid eyes on her.

    Her appearance didn¡¯t seem to bother her, either. Because she had this giddy aura about her. Tired, clearly, having obviously woken up only five minutes ago, but she had something of a dopey, giddy smile on her face. Usually, she looked morose or meek, and even when she was trying to appear intimidating, there was an underlying sadness to her that was always at the forefront of her mind. Her eyes didn¡¯t look like they were constantly pleading with me anymore, either. She simply viewed me with a love that she didn¡¯t need to hide anymore. One that had already been affirmed.

    ¡°Tea, Lilly?¡± I asked as she sat down, holding her head in her hand and looking at me with adoration.

    ¡°Yes please¡­ Aya.¡±

    Aya? Who? I glanced behind me. I actually glanced behind me to see if she was addressing someone else. As she began to softly giggle, I then realised the horror of what had just happened.

    She had given me a nickname. It had been so long since I had had a nickname¡­

    ¡°R-Right¡­¡± I cleared my throat as I poured her some tea.

    I must have been blushing profusely. I hope nobody was looking. Damn this girl.

    ¡°W-Well¡­ Good morning, Lilly, but in public, you shall still address me as *Lady Ayano*, understood?¡±

    ¡°Of course, Aya¡­ No. L-A-D-Y Aya¡­¡± She whispered, leaning in close to peck me on the cheek before moving back to sip her tea.

    Geez¡­ This girl¡­

    ¡°O-Our relationship should remain a secret, y¡¯know¡­ Public displays of affection like this could cause all sorts of problems¡­¡±

    ¡°But I¡­ Want everyone to know about our relationship¡­ How special we are, how-¡±

    ¡°No. *Bad girl.* Stop¡±

    I wanted to indulge. I really did. I had spent the entire morning from waking up till now worrying about if she truly knew me, about whether I had made a huge mistake. Yet here I was, being a blushy teenage girl, allowing her to drag me down to the darkest depths of saccharine depravity. I needed to keep my feet firmly on the ground and my head out of those pink fluffy clouds.

    ¡°Y-Yes, Lady Ayano. Sorry.¡±

    I could always count on her to react submissively to the slightest push back, at least.

    ¡°I know last night was special for you, Lilly¡­ It was special for me too, but¡­ It was unplanned, and I¡­¡±

    Those big green eyes, staring at me. Flecks of purple greed licking at the edges of her pupils. I wanted to say that she shouldn¡¯t get her hopes up, maybe disregard the relationship entirely, firmly set my bounds and state that it was a one off event. But even if she wasn¡¯t an eldritch monster who might fly into an uncontrollable rage, I knew that I couldn¡¯t do it. All of her eggs and more were in my basket.

    ¡°... As a Princess¡­¡± I had to word this carefully, ¡°It might be difficult to live the sort of life you might be imagining with me¡­ I¡­ Have been dodging arranged marriages for years¡­ At any time, I might become Queen. So¡­ As much as I care about you¡­ I don¡¯t want to make promises I cannot keep. Understand?¡±

    ¡°Absolutely!¡± Lilly immediately, chirpily responded, ¡°I get it, it¡¯s fine. But I¡¯m sure no matter what comes, it¡¯ll all work out in the end. So don¡¯t worry about it!¡±

    ¡°There might be distance between us, and¡­¡±

    ¡°Not a problem!¡±

    ¡°I¡­ Just¡­¡±

    ¡°Nothing will get in our way.¡±

    Lilly leaned over the table to take my hands into hers. Those bright eyes stared up at me, paired with an even brighter smile, and my heart stopped for a moment.

    ¡°You are¡­ My¡­¡±

    ¡°Lilly¡­ All I¡¯m saying is¡­ Don¡¯t make me¡­ Your everything, I¡­¡±

    ¡°You¡­ I promise I¡­ Won¡¯t do that, but¡­ You can¡­ Have my everything, Aya, I¡­¡±

    You don¡¯t understand anything, do you? Oh Lilly¡­

    ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯m warning you against, dingus¡­ Promise me the opposite¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s so funny to hear the mighty Ayano call me a ¡®dingus¡¯!¡±

    ¡°S-Shut up¡­¡±

    We stared into each other¡¯s eyes for a few moments. I saw my own reflection in her eyes. And for but the briefest of moments, I felt as though I caught a version of myself far more magnificent than anything I had ever seen in the mirror. It made my heart twist and turn and explode and curl up all at once. A feeling gliding through my body like an ice skater formed in my stomach, an icy warm feeling leaping up and twirling in the air so gracefully and so clumsily.

    We were both far deeper in than I ever could have imagined. A night of cheap, unplanned passion I had allowed on a whim, had blossomed into a moment far too meaningful for its own good. I had already reached those saccharine depths¡­ Perhaps I had never truly crawled out of them after meeting Georgia. Lilly was eagerly leaping down here to join me, even though I might one day leave her to languish in the darkness, as Georgia once did to me.

    Except.

    That wasn¡¯t quite how it happened, was it? Georgia may have left the manor, but¡­ As is always the case, I am always the one to leave others behind.

    Yet here I am, ever so close to allowing Lilly to sell me on a fantasy that will never be reality.

    ¡°There¡¯s¡­ Some things I need to show you¡­ The final¡­ And the hardest thing I¡­ Will be requiring from you during your stay at this manor, Lilly.¡±

    I finally broke the silence by talking about work. It was the only thing I could do to change subjects that desperately needed to be changed.

    ¡°I¡¯m all ears, Lady Ayano. Nothing is too difficult for me.¡±

    ¡°Mmm. Well, knowing you, it might be something you enjoy¡­ I think it¡¯s best if I just show you. Wait here whilst I head inside¡­ Just need to collect my sword.¡±

    I stood up, trying to avoid looking at Lilly. But as I passed her, I felt an urge surge throughout my body. I leaned down to peck her on the cheek. As I pulled away, I could see that she had a giddy expression. Why couldn''t I stop myself?

    ¡°See you in a bit¡­¡± She said.

    Her smouldering gaze burned into me as I walked away. It was like she was peeling away the layers to my heart via the sheer force of her stupidity.

    ¡°I love you, Aya.¡±

    A slight sigh escaped my lips. Stop it. Please.

    ¡°I love you too.¡±

 Chapter 7- Priscilla

    ~~~ One Week Ago ~~~

    The morning light was peering in above the mountains as I sped down the road. The port town of Salm was spread out down below me, and I was approaching a winding part of the road that would lead me down to the town. The ocean was a sparkling blue, the sun peaked in through the tall masts of trade and fishing vessels alike. The quaint architecture and emerald green, hilly terrain made for such an idyllic and comforting scene.

    Much as I missed the mansion, I did enjoy being able to drive for hours on end. When it wasn¡¯t raining, I would remove the roof and let the wind whip through my hair. It felt so good to move fast, to feel the wind rush against me. It was exhilarating, and it blew my thoughts away, straight out of my head, and for a brief time I could leave them behind me.

    The closer and closer I got to my destination, however, the more they caught up with me. By the time I had parked my car, I was already feeling morose. I didn¡¯t know how to handle today¡¯s report.

    I walked through the streets of the small little town, waving at the locals, greeting friendly, familiar faces. Old ladies who admired my beauty and the work I did for the crown showered me with praises and small little gifts, such as baskets of biscuits and freshly caught fish. I thanked them all profusely, feeling more and more dead inside with each interaction. By the time I had reached my ¡®home¡¯, I really was prepared to just go to bed and sleep away my problems for the next eternity or two.

    ¡°Priscilla, is that you?¡±

    I was about to knock on my front door when Cedric opened it. Handsome, blonde, young and strong. I pretended to feel an emotion as I gasped with delight and threw myself into his arms.

    ¡°So good to see you again, Cedric!¡±

    ¡°Of course of course¡­ I missed you so much, Priscilla¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m so glad you got here early¡­¡±

    ¡°Just a few hours ago, actually. Just woke up from a nap. How does breakfast sound? Exhausted from your night time drive?¡±

    ¡°Mmmm, yes, breakfast sounds lovely.¡±

    ¡°Let¡¯s head inside, then.¡±

    He let me in and closed the door behind us, whilst our adoring, gossipy fans looked on at our little public display of affection on our doorstep.

    Immediately, I let out a sigh, a heavy release of tension as I finally allowed my perpetually smiling face to rest itself into the perpetual, exhausted frown it was always meant to be. I threw off my scarf and tossed it to the ground, and tossed myself onto the sofa.

    ¡°Vodka?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. Cook me a fuckin¡¯ egg, too.¡±

    ¡°What kind? Scrambled, fried, boiled?¡±

    ¡°Nai nai nai! Don¡¯t care!¡± I exclaimed, rolling onto my stomach and burying my face in the pillow.

    He was silent until he arrived with what I requested. I wasn¡¯t sure how much time had passed, felt like it was ages until he finally sat back down on the armchair on the other side of our coffee table. Perhaps he wanted to give me time to crash and relax.

    I sat up and brushed aside my now messy hair. Fried egg on buttered toast. He¡¯d drawn a little red heart out of tomato sauce around the egg. I grimaced and downed the vodka he¡¯d served alongside it in one go. God, it felt so good to have a drink after spending so much time without alcohol in that manor. Remaining celibate from alcohol was one of the few things I disliked about living there. Although it was a self imposed restriction, of course. It¡¯s not like Ayano or anyone else would stop me from having an evening drink. I just didn¡¯t trust myself not to slip secrets unless I was sober.

    ¡°We¡¯re a pretend couple, Cedric. Nobody¡¯s looking¡­ You don¡¯t need to draw these¡­ Stupid hearts¡­¡± I sighed.

    ¡°You looked dead. Just wanted to get a reaction out of you.¡±

    I slammed my now empty vodka glass down on the table.

    ¡°More booze.¡±

    ¡°Nuh-uh-uh,¡± He sighed, sliding the glass and my plate of breakfast eggs away from me, ¡°Business first. Don¡¯t want you getting so plastered that you forget your report.¡±

    ¡°Jiiii¡­ Nai nai¡­ Okay comrade. Check the place for bugs?¡±

    ¡°I inspected every inch of the building, visually and via focusing on the Aether vibrations. Only arcane circles in here are Aether appliances.¡±

    ¡°Ugh, you always call it Aether¡­ Mana¡¯s a better word. Sounds like manners. Or spanner.¡±

    ¡°I beg to differ, Priscilla. Now, you¡¯re clearly doing an excellent job maintaining your cover. I doubt the crown and its court suspects you or I enough to spy on this house. I¡¯ve imported some whisky from Zeer. I¡¯ll give you the bottle if you can keep yourself together for the report.¡±

    ¡°Ugh, but we have a week, can¡¯t it wait?¡±

    ¡°You know we have a ¡®refresher¡¯ this week. Come on, the sooner you get this over with, the sooner we can both relax.¡±

    ¡°Fine fine¡­¡±

    I was already feeling a bit tipsy. My mood was low, I was tired, and I wasn¡¯t sure if I wanted to tell the truth. This particular report could have huge implications for the entire world. How would the president react once news reached him? It could have disastrous consequences for my peaceful little life up at the manor. I honestly wanted to simply keep living it as though I weren¡¯t a double crossing, slimy spy. I was among my heritage. My real people. I couldn¡¯t exactly be myself, but¡­ I could behave as though I was something better than myself.

    ¡°Princess Ayano has come across a rather peculiar specimen,¡± I explained, ¡°A human who was born with a Monstra heart. It was¡­¡± I sighed, I didn¡¯t want to give away any information that could identify Lilly, even if it somewhat hurt to call her an ¡®it¡¯.

    I simply tried to remember her frenzy in front of the manor, to try and convince myself that she wasn¡¯t human.

    ¡°It was¡­ Well, the circumstances behind why it was born the way it was are unknown. From my understanding, neither the crown nor a noble or any other group intentionally created it. From what we understand, it showed up on the doorstep of an orphanage as a newborn. It seemed to be a normal child, but according to my intel, its true nature was discovered when it ate a fellow child a few months after it was taken in. Instead of trying to kill it, however, the orphanage decided to try and keep it as happy as possible. This is because it seems bleeding unleashes its Monstra powers. Thus, it is dangerous to try and hurt or kill it. The orphanage was keen to sell it off as quickly as possible, and at age of around six it was sold off to a noble estate, where it was put under a slave contract and kept secret from the crown. Ayano only discovered it a few weeks ago, when the estate owners went bankrupt, and could no longer uphold the slave contract. I have confirmation- Albeit not first hand confirmation- That this Monstra¡­ This ¡®human bio weapon¡¯, you could call it, has now been bound by a very powerful slave contract to Ayano¡¯s will.¡±

    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.

    As I spoke, Cedric had been scribbling down all my words into a notebook. An arcane circle drawn on the back of the paper was a sending circle. Anything he wrote on this paper would show up on another piece of paper elsewhere in the world. Within moments this report would be sitting on the President¡¯s desk.

    ¡°It seems you gathered quite a bit of information. Care to elaborate on your methods? It seems, given the way you are speaking, that you are somewhat lacking in specific identifying information on this bio weapon.¡±

    ¡°Ayano was clever. She did everything she could to keep its identity a secret¡­ Even though she confided the information I just relayed to me, when the Monstra arrived, it did so among a collection of about three other new servants. Any one of those servants could be the candidate. If you wish, I can collect a list of names and identifying information and relay them on my next report.¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t think to do so for this report?¡±

    I really hoped that my lies wouldn¡¯t catch up with me.

    ¡°... No. I have names, but no proof of identity. I would have to procure them from Ayano via some method. I do not feel comfortable sharing names and identifying information that Ayano or someone else may have fabricated to hide the bio weapon¡¯s identity from us. Needless to say- I am interacting with the bio weapon on a daily basis as I train the new servants. I just don¡¯t know which one the bio weapon is. Ayano is being very careful with her commands to ensure that it doesn¡¯t reveal itself.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s your job to report, Priscilla. It¡¯s our job to filter through the information you provide for factual information. So long as you¡¯re not actively lying, it doesn¡¯t matter if information you provide later turns out to be enemy disinfo. Understand?¡±

    Honestly, I¡¯d been so wrapped up in my own head that I hadn¡¯t foreseen this predicament¡­ But wait, it was okay. A couple of new servants had arrived since my last report. I was due to give an update on the staff working at the manor anyway. I would just be lying a bit regarding when exactly they arrived.

    ¡°Bethany Bluewood, Lilly Leywood, and Norman Goldstein. It¡¯s one of those three. Sorry I¡­ Didn¡¯t think things through.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re exhausted. And you downed your drink quite quickly. And besides, it must be emotionally taxing to spend your life worshipping at the feet of Selician noble scum.¡±

    ¡°Right¡­ It¡¯s¡­ Just awful. Can I have my food back now, please?¡±

    ¡°If there¡¯s nothing else to report. I imagine this Monstra takes significant precedent over anything else, however. Tell me, though, what do you think Ayano¡¯s plans are for it?¡±

    I could give a pretty honest answer for this.

    ¡°Well¡­ Part of the reason the situation in Grisia has remained the way it is comes down to two reasons- If either Selicia or Zeer use their annihilation spheres on Grisia, that opens whichever country used it open to getting annihilated. Each country only has the ability to cast one at a time, after all. I have no doubt that Ayano would love to use the annihilation sphere on Grisia to earn the international acclaim¡­¡± I trailed off.

    ¡®She would also do it because she¡¯s a good person¡¯, I thought to myself.

    ¡°... But if Zeer learns what she is doing, they could easily take the opportunity to wipe out the Selicians. The reverse is true as well. The second reason is that the annihilation sphere isn¡¯t a perfect solution to the Monstra anyway- The sphere may not be able to eradicate every Monstra on Terrestia within its radius, and there¡¯s a chance that the Monstra may be able to survive it anyway. We know that Monstra are capable of instantaneously passing through vacuums. Most notably vacuums caused by the only known annihilation sphere cast in the past, or naturally occurring mana¡­ Uh, *Aether* leaks. Even though this process is dangerous for them and they cannot do so in large numbers, it is entirely possible that the spell is simply not a viable long term solution. In addition, the Grisian refugees would not be able to return to a country that has been reduced to a giant crater on the coast of the Nexian continent. They do not want to cause an uproar. I imagine, now that Ayano has accidently stumbled across this Monstra, that she is imagining ways that she can use it to eliminate the Monstra threat, at least in Grisia, and earn that worldwide acclaim without having to utilise an annihilation sphere. Of course, one Monstra of what I would assume to be relatively small mass would not be capable of wiping out the Monstras singlehandedly. So she must have other plans up her sleeve, some involving it, some not, I would imagine.¡±

    Phew. That took a lot out of me. Sick of being in serious spy mode.

    ¡°Alright, I¡¯m done. Give me back my food.¡±

    Cedric sighed, sliding the plate back over to me.

    ¡°Knock yourself out. I¡¯m heading to the basement. Booze is in the usual cupboard. Make sure you also drink some water as well.¡±

    Heh, not likely.

    ¡°Yeah. Sure.¡±

    As he left I began to wolf down my breakfast. He was no Hugo, but he was still a pretty damn good cook.

    ~~~

    The following days were always some of the worst ones whenever I visited Cedric for reports. Waking up with a hangover, spending a few hours nursing it, and then heading out into town so that we could keep up the appearance of a loving couple. We¡¯d seen all the same sights before, met all the same people, we had been to all the restaurants in town, too. There was nothing unique or interesting about being here anymore. It was technically less tedious than my repetitive days up at the manor, sure, but something about my day to day routine up there felt a lot more meaningful.

    Then there was Cedric. He didn¡¯t make it easy to pretend to love him. He drew red hearts on my breakfast plate when we were alone- So, in public, he was *far* more lovey dovey, and even though I was behaving affectionately towards him too, it always felt as though it wasn¡¯t an act for him. As though he were taking advantage of the fact that the Zeerian secret service had lumped us together in the same operation, and that I had to pretend to be his perfect loving fiance. It made me sick. It wasn¡¯t as though he was personable or interesting. Instead of engaging in thought provoking discussion with me, he¡¯d open doors for me and bow. Instead of making me laugh, he¡¯d buy me flowers and chocolates, and instead of trying to understand me on a deeper level, he¡¯d insist on paying for meals.

    Not that I¡¯d let him try to understand me. He¡¯d sell me out if I ever admitted that I didn¡¯t want to do this anymore.

    It was always around this time that I thought about quitting altogether. Defecting, opening up to Ayano, and promising to be a real subject to her, the crown, and Selicia. I¡¯d even accept being her prisoner, if my treason was too heavy to forgive. I just couldn¡¯t stand living in this web of lies anymore.

    But in the middle of the week, me and Cedric were visited in the middle of the night. As is always the case, we¡¯re injected with a drug that both heightens our suggestibility and fogs our memories, making the whole experience feel like a vague dream. I never remember what happens during these ¡®refreshers¡¯. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s the same person who comes every time, or if it¡¯s always someone different. I can never remember any identifying information about them. All I know is that when I wake up the following morning, having experienced a sleep that felt oddly good, I awaken with a gut feeling which tells me that I can never, ever betray Zeer. It¡¯s my *real* homeland, and its continued success and prosperity is what matters to me above all else.

    Cedric always becomes more committed to the mission at this time as well. He gets less flirty, behaves more seriously. Even I find myself scribbling down extraneous reports rather than lazing around and drinking. It¡¯s fantastic that I¡¯m able to provide false reports before the refresher happens. Otherwise I know I wouldn¡¯t be able to stop myself from betraying Selicia, I¡¯d tell Cedric the whole truth. In fact, I feel a strong urge to amend my reports right now.

    However, I suspect I might be a little bit resistant to Zeer¡¯s conditioning. Because I¡¯m able to stop myself from amending my reports. For days on end, right until the end of the week. I also know, in my heart of hearts, that Ayano, Lilly, and Selicia matter to me more than Zeer, even if my thoughts do become consumed with Zeerian propaganda and patriotism.

    And why is it that I care about Lilly as much as Ayano and Selicia? I¡¯m not sure. If I was forced to give an answer¡­ I think I would say that, beyond just being cute, her power might be just the thing this world needs. I had full confidence that, together, she and Ayano could change the world. Really put an end to the Monstra threat.

    The rest of the week passed by in a haze. It always did after conditioning, I think the drugs partially remained in the system for at least 72 hours after initial ingestion. On the final day I stood with Cedric at the docks as we waited for his ship to arrive.

    He really did work as a security guard on an oil rig. It was a Selician owned rig, after all- An important place for a spy to be stationed.

    ¡°Well. This is goodbye,¡± He flatly stated, leaning down to plant a kiss on my lips.

    I returned the affection. He lingered for a moment too long for my liking.

    ¡°I love you, Priscilla.¡±

    A sigh escaped my lips. Stop it. Please.

    ¡°I love you too.¡±

    Moments later, he was gone. Sailing away into the sunset. It was always around this time that my guilt fully started to kick in.

    As I drove back to the manor, all I could think about was apologising to Ayano the only way I knew how to. I think she thought that I fetishised her dick, or that I was using her as a replacement for Cedric, who I didn¡¯t even love or sleep with. It was true that I only started getting sexually involved with Ayano after seeing her dick for the first time. But it wasn¡¯t because I fetishised it, even though it was certainly an impressive phallus.

    It was because, for the first time, I really understood the weight of the responsibility that she was carrying on her shoulders. I thought about how hard it must be to keep her genitalia a secret, and then I thought about all the other secrets she must keep hidden. Both politically and emotionally. I¡­ Realised that losing Georgia probably hurt her more than I could have possibly known.

    All that burden, and here I was, undermining her efforts, drugged and conditioned to the point that, even though I could feel guilty for my actions, I still wasn¡¯t strong enough to fight back against the Zeers and atone. Sex was the most I could do to make it up to her, and even then, she didn¡¯t want much to do with it. I was worried that she was going to reject my advances altogether someday, and then I¡¯d have no outlet for this guilt.

    My conditioning didn¡¯t dissuade me from sleeping with the enemy. If anything, the Zeers probably encouraged me to do so. Intimacy was a good way to gain information from the enemy, after all. That¡¯s why I was always silent during our sexual encounters. I didn¡¯t want her saying anything during those vulnerable moments that I would have to use against her.

    I hated it. I hated all of it.

    ~~~ Present Day ~~~

    I watched Lilly and Ayano out of my bedroom window. I couldn¡¯t hear what they were saying, but it seemed my suspicions had been confirmed- They were intimately involved with each other now. And knowing that, it meant that they had likely had sex, considering how obsessed Lilly had been with sleeping with Ayano. I was glad. I hoped it worked out well. But I couldn¡¯t tell what Ayano was thinking, even if Lilly¡¯s thoughts were an open book. Ayano certainly *looked* happy about what was happening, but it was hard to tell.

    When I recommended Ayano properly accept Lilly as her handmaiden, I had a feeling this might happen. Having absolute control over someone so cute, powerful, and submissive- Who could resist the temptation?

    As I watched them walk away into the forest together, there was one, indistinct feeling that I couldn¡¯t quite let go of, however. A sinking feeling in my stomach.

    Was I worried for them? Was I regretting my decision to prod Ayano into this? Was I regretting sleeping with Ayano and keeping that a secret from Lilly, now that they were together?

    Or perhaps¡­ I was simply jealous of what they had together? Yeah. That might be it. When I admitted that to myself, loneliness hit me like a speeding train. Why was I stuck with a brainwashed creep like Cedric? Why did I have to suffer this brainwashing too?

    I still hated it. I hated all of it.

 Chapter 8- Lilly

    Ayano took a bit longer than I had been expecting to return, but I didn¡¯t mind. I still had some tea to enjoy, after all, and when that was done I wandered over to my patch of the garden to check on the flowers. Since I had over-watered the lilies over the course of last week and destroyed them, new seeds had been planted yesterday. Now that Ayano and I had¡­ Confirmed our love¡­ I wanted to do my absolute best to ensure these lilies were treated with love and care. I wanted my lilies to be planted at the front of the manor. Along the path, all around the fountain, and I wanted a lily in every flower pot in every room of the manor. If I had my way, so many lilies would be covering this estate that people would forget what a rose or an orchid even was.

    So I gave them a quick watering, taking Lizzy¡¯s advice to heart this time and doing it properly, and returned to where I should have been waiting for Ayano.

    She was standing there in her training gear, sword sheathed at her hip, watching me as I approached.

    ¡°S-Sorry, I was just watering the plants. Should I change into my training gear too?¡±

    The princess shook her head.

    ¡°That won¡¯t be necessary. Alright, follow me, we¡¯re heading into the forest.¡±

    Our first date! Yay! But even though I was grinning, I didn¡¯t say as much. After all, giddy as I was, I could tell Ayano was prepared for something important, and that this wasn¡¯t really a date. Sadly. She had managed to calm down after all the fawning over each other we had been engaging in earlier, and obviously wanted to take this seriously. Now that I was secure in her feelings towards me, I was happy to take a break to do some work¡­ Not that I wouldn¡¯t tease her or throw her a sudden compliment if the opportunity came up, if I wanted to see her blush!

    ¡°Aye aye ma''am!¡± I replied, following it up with a silly salute.

    ¡°I¡¯m not a sea captain¡­¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re the captain of the vessel that sails the oceans of my heart, Aya~¡±

    ¡°... Alright, enough of that.¡±

    I giggled as I followed her into the woods. We headed along a path leading through the garden and out a set of gates at the back of the manor grounds, me trailing about a step or two behind her the entire time. I suppose this was my first real chance to explore the Belfonse estate beyond the manor itself! Well, I say explore, but Ayano was obviously leading me in a clear direction.

    That didn¡¯t make the land any less pretty, however. Beautiful trees of a variety of types lined the side of the path, and their leaves were lush and green as a result of the season being mid spring. We often passed through clearings that gave us a gorgeous view of the rolling green hills and the lake that I still wanted to visit, although I suspected that we weren¡¯t heading towards the lake today.

    It was a good quarter hour before either of us spoke. While I was taking in the scenery, Ayano seemed to be in deep thought. Maybe she still had to process her feelings from last night, or she was thinking about how she was going to explain to me whatever it was she needed to show me. I didn¡¯t mind. I was comfortable with silence between us now. She was still there, after all, beautiful as ever. I was just thinking about how nice it would be to have sex out here under the moonlight when she broke the silence.

    ¡°A week ago¡­ On the day you first arrived. Right after you broke the slave contract, and you sat on my desk¡­ You said something that I didn¡¯t think about at the time, but I¡¯ve been mulling over it lately¡­ You said that the Monstras were a ¡®hive mind¡¯.¡±

    ¡°Um¡­¡± I muttered, glancing upwards at the sky, ¡°Yeah, I guess I did say that. I said a lot of things.¡±

    ¡°How did you know that?¡±

    ¡°I dunno¡­ People say a lot of things about the Monstras. I probably had someone explain it to me, or I overheard a conversation. I tend to block out memories of my past life as much as I can¡­¡±

    ¡°Nobody would have said that, unless they were speculating. The nature of how a Monstra¡¯s mind works has never been proven. And we don¡¯t have any evidence, either dubious or solid, that they are a hive mind. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s ever even been submitted as a formal hypothesis.¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ I see¡­ Well then¡­¡± I sighed, piecing this sort of thing together was difficult for me, but I didn¡¯t want to come across as suspicious, ¡°To be honest, then, I don¡¯t know where I got that notion from. But even now, saying that feels¡­ Correct, I guess. Like um¡­ Oh! Do you remember those cute little Monstras that broke away from me when I was frenzied? The ones that ate the plants?¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t call them cute, but go on¡­¡±

    ¡°But Ayano! All of me is cute! I bet if you saw them now, you wouldn¡¯t say that!¡± I protested, puffing out my cheeks.¡±

    ¡°Alright alright Lilly¡­ Sure. There are worse things out there. More importantly, though, what about them?¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ Even though they¡¯re not a part of my body, they still acted according to my will. I thought the lilies were¡­ Look, I love them now, but at the time I thought they were a bit patronising. Um¡­ On the nose I guess. That¡¯s why they destroyed them.¡±

    ¡°Well, we can¡¯t plant anything there now, thanks to you. Nothing will grow in that soil. We¡¯re honestly worried that the toxins will spread.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll take a look at them, Ayano¡­ I might be able to do something about it. Maybe. Because I¡¯d love to have lilies growing there again!¡±

    ¡°Hmm. I don¡¯t think you deserve it. I¡¯ll place Roses there instead. We have a maid called Rose¡­ Might make her my handmaiden, too.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Ayano! Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry! Please don¡¯t do that! I''ve learned my lesson, I want lilies there!¡±

    ¡°You goofball¡­¡± Ayano giggled, ¡°I was just teasing you¡­ If you can fix the soil, I would be more than happy to plant some of your lilies out front. Although I wish you would have offered to do that earlier¡­¡±

    ¡°I was still mad at them.¡±

    ¡°Such a petty girl,¡± She sighed, ¡°Now come on, back on track. Finish what you were saying.¡±

    ¡°About what?¡±

    ¡°About the Monstras that separated from your main body.¡±

    ¡°... Oh, them! Right. Well, that¡¯s always how it works for me. Parts of me that break off from me when I frenzy react to what I wanna do. They¡¯re like extra limbs for me. When I stopped frenzying, I broke off from them. After that they didn¡¯t really know what to do, making them easy for your guards to kill.¡±

    ¡°That¡­ Makes it sound more like you¡¯re their master. I mean, they are a part of you¡­ No more their ¡®master¡¯ than I am a ¡®master¡¯ of my own limbs.¡±

    I thought about it for a few moments. I understand why she would see it that way, but even though I couldn¡¯t quite put my finger on it, that didn¡¯t sound quite right. I knew my own body and my emotions quite well, but considering that I¡¯m quite the anomaly, I didn¡¯t really know if my own experiences really related to the Monstras as well as I thought they did. Other than myself, I had never seen a Monstra before, and I wasn¡¯t well educated.

    ¡°Welp, there¡¯s a lot about how Monstras work that neither of us understand I guess. Not much we can do about that. But yeah, uh, I dunno, I just have that gut feeling that that¡¯s how they¡­ How we work.¡±

    ¡°Can¡¯t argue with that, I suppose. Anyway, we¡¯re nearly there.¡±

    It was only a few more minutes before we arrived at our destination. We entered a thick, dense area of the forest, where the trees overhead practically blocked out the sunlight. I had a strange feeling as we passed through into a dark clearing. And in that clearing? A large crater, probably just slightly deeper and wider than a normal two storey house. It was a perfect circle, as though it had been very carefully created by a specialised tool, and the soil in the crater looked completely smooth.

    I began to take a few steps towards it out of curiosity, but Ayano reached out and firmly grabbed me by the arm.

    ¡°Don¡¯t go near it. It¡¯s incredibly dangerous.¡±

    ¡°What is it?¡± I asked, looking back and forth between her and the crater.

    ¡°It¡¯s the impact site of an annihilation sphere. Within that localised space, no matter can exist. If you think about how dangerous the vacuum of space is, that thing is much more dangerous. Go anywhere near it and you face being eradicated from existence in an instant.¡±

    ¡°I¡­ Think I¡¯ve heard of the Ars Nihil Saphera ritual before. Countries use it to uh¡­ Defend themselves or something?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s a matter of ensuring mutually assured destruction. Nobody likes to use them¡­ But they serve as a deterrent against war. 50 years ago, the first and last ritual was cast. That was here. Originally, this site was used to study the effects of the sphere¡­ But now we just try to keep it a secret. We were originally designing the spell to get rid of the Monstra, but¡­ When the Zeers stole our research materials and learned how to cast the ritual, they began to threaten us with it. We also discovered¡­ That when it comes to Monstra, they can break some of the rules of how this thing is supposed to work.¡±

    ¡°How so?¡±

    ¡°They¡­ Don¡¯t exactly get annihilated when passing through the radius of the sphere, although they do have difficulties. That made the spell a total failure, but luckily, it did teach us some of what we know about them. We suspect that the Monstra may not be made up of matter as we traditionally know it to be. Possibly because of the way they corrupt the mana in the air around them.¡±

    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

    ¡°So¡­ You or¡­ Whoever was studying this before you¡­ Brought Monstra here to test it on them?¡±

    ¡°Well, not exactly. Not at all the case, actually. And this is where you come in. For you see¡­ Well, how do I explain this¡­ There are things called Mana leaks in this world. They¡¯re naturally occurring phenomena that we¡¯ve known about for millennia. They pop in and out of existence in set patterns that we¡¯ve just barely begun to understand and map out. They occur in places without much life around, usually, and¡­ They create an effect very similar to that of an annihilation sphere. Only, usually, instead of a crater like this, it will only be about the size of a single particle of air, or a similarly small size. The largest size recorded was about the size of an eyeball. And because of this sphere¡­ We know that Monstra have the capability of¡­ *Squeezing* through these mana leaks. They make their bodies the size of a needle and push themselves through. And when they do, they will end up wherever else in the world another mana leak is occurring. As we found out the hard way¡­ This annihilation sphere counts as a mana leak. And since it¡¯s the largest, that makes it a good place for them to emerge.¡±

    ¡°So you have Monstra coming through here all the time!?¡±

    ¡°Not all the time. About five have been recorded throughout this thing¡¯s 50 year history. We suspect that not enough discoverable mana leaks occur in Grisia for them to show up here that often¡­ And I would imagine that it¡¯s not exactly easy for them to pass through in the first place. Still, Lilly, I brought you here because I would like for you to keep this place in mind. You never know when-¡±

    Suddenly, Ayano fell deathly quiet. I could tell that she was on high alert, the way she stayed still, hand on her sword, eyes darting around the landscape.

    ¡°When¡­ What?¡± I asked nervously.

    She stared at me intensely and put a finger to her lips.

    That was when I remembered the strange feeling I had had. The feeling I had begun to attribute to the annihilation sphere when I was having it explained to me, but now, it was a feeling that was getting stronger and clearer.

    Danger.

    A slight shift in the air was all it took for me to know where it was. I spun around 180 degrees and launched myself into the trees, biting my thumb as I flew through the air. My arm was already a writing mass of sharp, screaming tentacles by the time I landed myself on top of the enemy that had been creeping up on us.

    I got brief confirmation of something fluffy looking and very, very big, before I got launched back into the clearing. I had to twist my body in the air and reach out a tentacle several feet to latch onto a tree branch in order to avoid being slung straight into the annihilation sphere. Even if my Monstra self would apparently be fine, I didn¡¯t want to know what would happen to the human part of my body were I to step foot in there.

    I reoriented myself, perching on a branch just above Ayano as I watched it emerge.

    A bear, standing on its hind legs, about twice the size a bear normally should be. Plants withered wherever it stepped, its huge, purple eyes looked utterly crazed. Its fur shifted colour from grey to brown to purple to black and back again, changing constantly. Its claws were huge and I could hear the cries of baby Monstras crawling around inside and around its body.

    But my instincts told me something important. It was less of a Monstra than I am. My stomach began to rumble in a way that it never had before. I had battled powerful animals before. Lions and bulls, crocodiles the size of cars, Gloria had even given me Chimeras and griffins to fight before. But¡­ Well, I had just been thinking about how I had never seen a Monstra before, and now I had.

    I had always wondered. Would I be afraid? Excited? Infatuated? I never really knew how I would react. One thing I had never predicted was that I would feel¡­ *hungry*. Yes yes, this Monstra belonged to *me*. How dare it disobey me! I would take great pleasure in consuming it¡­ Showing it its place¡­ Making it a *part of me*. I licked my lips as I delighted in the thought of making this parasite, small enough to only be able to take over a measly bear, a part of me. I wanted it to submit to me in its entirety.

    ¡°Lilly, are you okay? We should retreat and-¡±

    But I wasn¡¯t listening to Ayano before. My love, you can just watch. I¡¯ll show you just how amazing I am! I let my entire body transform, but before I attacked, I had tentacles all across my body strip me of all my clothing. I may be frenzying, but I didn¡¯t want to destroy this precious maid dress that Ayano had given me.

    Of course, by the time I had launched myself back at the bear, I wasn¡¯t exactly a pretty human girl anymore. I was a writing mass of sheer, violent power. My tentacles enveloped it and teeth appeared all across my body, and I sunk each of those thousands of sharp fangs into its body all at once. Raw animal blood mixed with that purple deliciousness that tasted just like my own¡­ Hugo could never cook up something as delectable as this.

    I thought it was my prey. I thought I would take it out with one strike, but to my surprise, I felt a sudden force throw me away once again, and I latched onto a different nearby tree. This time, I could see that it had punched me away. Only this time, it was much worse for wear. I had eaten away at most of its mortal flesh. It looked like a rotten corpse animated only by the screaming, blackish purple ooze inside of it. Many eyes inside of it opened up and scowled at me. Mouths opened up and roared at me, as if daring me to try again.

    Naturally, I was about to when it suddenly did something I wasn¡¯t expecting.

    It walked into the annihilation sphere.

    I watched in awe as tiny slivers of Monstra suddenly appeared all around it, the ooze appearing out of thin air and flying towards the bear. It grew in size, soon expanding outside the reach of the sphere¡¯s radius, becoming as tall as the trees, then taller. I glanced at Ayano. I could tell that her blood had run cold, she was frozen in place.

    Me, however? Yeah. I was only getting more excited.

    ¡°Bring it, bitch! BRING IT!¡± I roared, yes, yes! A challenge like this was exactly what I was craving! But I wanted to make it more fun! Yes I was magnanimous and kind and thoughtful and just the best maid girlfriend and soulmate and future wife and queen and sex slave and whatever else ever, I was going to make this *Ayano¡¯s* victory too, as a devilish thought popped into my head!

    I returned to my human form and draped myself around my lover¡¯s form, naked breasts pushing up against her back, my lips against her ear.

    ¡°Hey Aya. Let¡¯s have some fun¡­ Impale me with that sword of yours. I wanna feel your technique¡­ I wanna feel your technique destroy that pathetic thing, who calls in its mates the moment it starts to lose a fight! Let¡¯s duel it to the death! Ayano Ayano Ayano, you¡¯re stronger than that thing! I am too! Let¡¯s demolish it and prove to ourselves and the world that *nothing* can stand in our way AYANO STAB ME RAM YOUR HOT THING INTO ME LET¡¯S DO IT LET¡¯S FIGHT AND INDULGE AND-¡±

    Without a word, her sword was drawn, and she had stabbed it straight through my chest. Through my heart, in fact. You romantic, you! My pupils literally became heart shaped as whatever coherent form my body might have had melted in an instant. God, having Ayano penetrate me felt so goood!

    All of my power was at her command as my body fused to her sword, and instinctively, she knew exactly what to do with it, as though she had impaled a Monstra on her sword countless times already. She ran a few hundred feet back and slashed away at the trees. They began to topple, which would certainly give us room for the fight to come, but that wasn¡¯t all it achieved. I opened my many mouths and spread out, chewing away at the wood and leaves. It wasn¡¯t exactly tasty, but when I was frenzied, I could pretty much eat anything, it gave me extra mass and partially satiated my hunger, which led to more power for me. Power and wood, which I was able to combine with my bone to harden my body.

    The gigantic bear was already charging at us by the time we had regained our bearings. I was still chewing away at the wood, but when she swung her sword, all of me followed. My love for her meant that she could happily direct me anywhere she pleased, and my body would obey as though I were one of her limbs. The bear blocked our attack with its claws. I tried to wrap around its arm and bite at it, and I got a few bites in, but its raw strength was able to push me away quite quickly. It was much like me, in the sense that no matter how much it bled, that only seemed to motivate it further.

    Unlike me, however, it was alone, and that was why it was going to lose!

    Another few blows, all deflected, and the bear began to laugh. So much in fact that from the bleeding wounds I had given it, it created its own sword, as large as a tree. It was an exact replica of Ayano¡¯s sword, even though Ayano¡¯s was buried under my formless mass.

    ¡°Lilly.¡±

    Whoops! It was difficult to hear her when I was so high up, so I created an ear right next to her mouth so that I could listen to her.

    ¡°What¡¯s up? Having fun? I¡¯m having fun!¡± One of my disembodied mouths asked.

    ¡°Can you do what it just did? I¡­ Find you too heavy to wield. You latch onto it, which throws me off. And¡­ this situation terrifies me. Can you make yourself look like my sword?¡±

    ¡°Mmm¡­ I can do you one better. Wanna be eye level with it, too?¡±

    ¡°Only if I can control my legs.¡±

    ¡°Coming right up!¡±

    Whilst fighting off its blows, I transformed myself into Ayano¡¯s sword, using my bone, the wood, and trace metals from the soil to recreate its appearance. It sort of looked ridiculous, seeing two identical, tree sized ornate swords battling it out, but that was just the kind of fun we were having! I wrapped my goo around Ayano¡¯s legs and raised her up into the air. Connecting my nerve endings to her legs and feet meant that whenever she tried to move, I would follow. She was a tiny woman wielding a huge sword and she had inky black tree-trunk legs. It was hilarious!

    Funny but effective. Being eye level with the beast, being able to employ her proper footwork and techniques, quickly turned the tide of the fight. As a trained swordsman, Ayano was able to gracefully outmaneuver its attacks. It sort of reminded me of the duel me and her had had- Just like me, the bear was only able to attack with raw power, without any real technique. It felt good to be on Ayano¡¯s side this time. I got to mock the bear¡¯s clumsy movements, even knowing that I couldn¡¯t do any better myself. Its weight was used against it as Ayano deftly parried its blows, moving just as swiftly as she would if she were fighting at a normal scale. I focused on making myself as good a substitute for her sword as I could. I was able to feel the weight of her real sword in her hands, and I tried to replicate it at this scale as much as possible. I trusted her movements and tried to minimise the extent to which I did my own thing. This was much more fun than fighting the thing by myself¡­ Plus, I would have likely caused a lot more damage to the forest if I had decided to run wild.

    I opened eyes at the tip of the sword and let the sunlight reflect off of them, creating a purple light that illuminated the bear¡¯s interior.

    ¡°See that glowing purple part, the one that¡¯s *really* glowing brightly? That should be the heart. Get a clean stab through that, and I should be able to finish it off!¡±

    ¡°Gotcha.¡±

    It was difficult, because the bear was smart enough to constantly shift the heart around its body, never keeping it in one place. In addition, even if Ayano was able to get a blow past its sword, the claw on its other hand or a tentacle would emerge to block the blow. I could use some teeth to bite through the tentacles without disrupting Ayano¡¯s balance, at least, but more would always grow whenever I severed some.

    ¡°I¡¯m going to trip it. Hang on, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s my Aya! We¡¯re gonna get it for sure!¡±

    A few more blows exchanged, it getting ever more ferocious as time passed, it got angrier, it was growing in size.

    It gripped its sword with both hands, and the bear lunged forward, fully intending to bring its full might down on us. Naturally, this was the opening we had been looking for. Ayano stepped gracefully out of the way, and slashed at its legs¡­ It swung clean through the knees, severing its feet from the rest of it. As it tried to regain its balance and regrow its feet, Ayano used my big legs to kick it in the chin, causing it to fall over onto its back. Before it could get up or retaliate, I let Ayano jump off of my feet, my body combined with the sword as she dropped about 50 feet to plunge me straight into its heart, piercing through it with perfect accuracy. With me inside of its heart, I was able to devour it in seconds. When I did, the rest of the Monstra inside of it meekly, silently surrendered. I assimilated the entire creature into myself, devouring all of it. I couldn¡¯t help it. It was too intoxicating a prospect to pass up! I wanted all of its power for myself!

    ~~~

    It took me about fifteen minutes to both finish devouring and digesting the beast, and to calm down. Eventually, I was back to normal, my green eyes looking up at Ayano with admiration as my naked body lay against a tree, bathing in the now afternoon sun. We had moved a fair bit away from the annihilation sphere. I could always go for another fight, but¡­ Even I had to admit, looking at my slightly extended belly, I had had far too much to eat. A ton of wood, an entire bear, and the Monstra inside it? Quite the feast! It was a lunch so large that I was worried I¡¯d be spoiled for dinner.

    Ayano had returned with my maid outfit, which was thankfully intact, but a little dirty from being on the forest floor. She brushed it off and placed it on me to cover me up.

    ¡°Oh I¡­ Don¡¯t really wanna put it on right now¡­ It¡¯s dirty and¡­ It¡¯s too hot and¡­ I¡¯m full¡­ I¡¯m fuuuuuuuull Ayanooooo!¡± I complained, although the cheeky look in my eye should hopefully communicate that I wasn¡¯t being serious.

    ¡°Well, so long as you put it on before we return to the manor. Which we should do soon.¡±

    ¡°Nahh¡­ I can¡¯t move¡­ You should get naked and hug me too Aya¡­ Victory hug under the sun!¡±

    She sighed. Without undressing, she sat down next to me and pulled me into an embrace, resting my head against her shoulder as she stroked my hair.¡±

    ¡°I know the fight exhilarated you, Lilly, but¡­¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re worried that there just so happened to be a Monstra there? And that it used the sphere to get BIGGER?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right. I don¡¯t think anything like that has been recorded before¡­ And so many toxins were spread across the forest¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh, no, I took care of those whilst I was eating it. We destroyed quite a few trees, but the forest won¡¯t be poisoned or whatever.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s good¡­ Why did you eat the bear, anyway?¡±

    ¡°... I¡­ Have never seen another Monstra before. I wanted to make it a part of me. It *is* a part of me, now. I¡¯m stronger because of it.¡±

    ¡°... You¡¯re slightly more Monstra than human now, you mean.¡±

    I could tell that this was concerning for her. But whatever, I was fine! Better than fine, even!

    ¡°Maybe! I dunno. The only difference I feel is that¡­ I think I love you even more now¡­ You were so cool out there¡­¡±

    ¡°You¡­¡± She sighed and patted my head, ¡°You could have beaten it yourself.¡±

    ¡°It was better with you.¡±

    ¡°You just wanted me to feel powerful. You wanted me to feel stronger because I¡¯m with you.¡±

    ¡°And I succeeded in that goal, didn¡¯t I? What other human can say that they *wielded* an obedient Monstra in battle, huh? Doesn¡¯t that make you feel like a badass?¡±

    ¡°... Yeah. I guess you did succeed. It was kinda cool.¡±

    ¡°Only kinda? Mmmmph! For that slight, I want my reward now¡­¡±

    ¡°We didn¡¯t agree on a reward. Keeping an eye on this place.. Especially after that happened¡­ Is just going to be one of your normal duties from now on. I have arcane circles that will sound alarms if anything dangerous emerges and-¡±

    I leaned forward and met Ayano¡¯s rambling lips with my own. Our tongues met, I tried to wrestle her out of her speech, and when I succeeded I thought I was going to have control this time, but then, Ayano crawled on top of me, and put me in my place. She did so oh, oh so wonderfully. It felt so good to belong to her. We lost track of time¡­ Who knows how long we stayed there together, lips locked in that sensual dance. I didn¡¯t care about time when I was with her.

    My feelings grow ever deeper by the day.

 Chapter 9 Ayano

    I had to tell a pretty blatant lie to avoid panicking everyone living at my manor, and also to keep information out of the hands of the spy that may very well be in their ranks. I claimed that I was only out there with Lilly to perform tests measuring her strengths and abilities when frenzied. Of course, I hadn¡¯t intended to fight a Monstra, even though I had taken my sword to be cautious, nor had I intended for Lilly to frenzy at all. I just wanted to inform her of the existence of the old annihilation sphere. But oh well. There wasn¡¯t anything they could do to get the truth out of me anyway, even if they did suspect me of lying. All I could hope was that they didn¡¯t suspect a Monstra attack had taken place so close to the manor, at the very least.

    As for Lilly herself, I was getting more and more worried about her by the moment. She was so smitten that I had to wonder if being with me was her first time experiencing any sort of intimacy with anyone. Surely, even under the slave contract from the Leywoods, I couldn¡¯t be her first, right? Yet, that was the distinct impression I got from her. A virgin girl experiencing love and sex for the first time. It made the guilty feelings churning around in my stomach even more unbearable, even as I continued to indulge in her fantasies and my lusts. Only a day in and I already felt like continuing to indulge was my only real option, yet I knew deep down that it was only making the problem worse.

    Lilly was exhausted, so I sent her to her room that night, even though I¡¯m sure she would have preferred to sleep in my bed with me. As I laid awake that night, struggling to sleep even as my fatigued bones begged for rest, an idea formed in my mind. A little holiday to show her more of the world beyond this estate, beyond me. It might be what we both needed.

    So, the very next day, I rang the handmaid¡¯s bell and asked Lilly to fetch us breakfast. We ate together up in my room. Perfectly boiled egg with buttered toast, made from bread made fresh here on the estate. Simple but delicious.

    ¡°I have an exciting idea for us today, Lilly,¡± I announced, wiping the runny yolk off my mouth with a napkin and taking a sip of the oolong tea Lilly had brought up with breakfast.

    ¡°Missed a spot!¡± Lilly proudly reached over to wipe away a little extra yolk from my chin.

    ¡°T-Thank you. Now¡­ Um¡­¡±

    ¡°Your question! Yes, Aya, of course! I¡¯d love to hear your idea!¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ I was thinking-¡±

    ¡°Does it involve sex? I really enjoy your oral but I really wanna have sex properly and also I wanna give you oral too! Oh! Are you going to suggest toys? I wouldn¡¯t mind being penetrated by a-¡±

    ¡°Mmm¡­ Patience, Lilly, in due time¡­ I have to keep you guessing about that stuff, right? Now calm down. I was going to suggest we visit the local town, Belfort. I haven¡¯t been down there in some time¡­ Well, not to relax and sightsee, anyway.¡±

    ¡°Hmmm¡­ Won¡¯t we get swamped? You being the Princess, and all? Might make relaxing difficult.¡±

    ¡°I have a solution for that,¡± Ayano said, putting on a pair of sunglasses.

    ¡°A disguise like that won¡¯t work.¡±

    ¡°Oh but it will. This set of eyewear uses a very particular set of arcane circles. They manipulate the mana in the air to displace attention away from you¡­ Since you saw me put these on, you know it¡¯s me. But in a crowd? Not so much. When we¡¯re out, remember to call me, um¡­ I think the name I normally use is Lucy. It¡¯s a fine alias.¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ If you say so, Aya- Hehe, I mean, Lucy... I don¡¯t know how this stuff works.¡±

    ¡°Trust me, it will. Now, let¡¯s finish up breakfast, then you should go back to your room, have a quick shower, and get changed into a casual outfit. We should have supplied some to you, no?¡±

    ¡°Yeah, you did¡­ But aww, I wanna bathe with you sometime Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°The more you ask, the longer it makes me want to leave it. Because I love teasing you, Lilly. You¡¯re so cute when you get impatient.¡±

    Lilly puffed out her cheeks and playfully scowled at me, and I couldn¡¯t help but reach over and pinch her cute little nose. I followed that up with a kiss to the forehead as I got to my feet, stuffing the last slice of toast into my mouth.

    ¡°I¡¯m full, so you can eat the rest. I need to do a little extra admin around the building before I can get going, not to mention I need to bathe and change too¡­ So be sure to take your time and relax this morning, okay?¡±

    ¡°Okay, Aya. See you in a bit!  Love you!¡±

    ¡°Love you too, Lilly.¡±

    ~~~

    A few hours later, and we were both in the back of a regular car, blue and clean but otherwise unremarkable, our driver taking us to Belfort. It was only about a fifteen minute drive. Lilly had seen my personal limo parked in front of the manor, and had been excited to take a ride in it, but I had reminded her that we needed to be inconspicuous. We couldn¡¯t even take a regular limousine. I was in an orange summer dress and I had donned a large, wide brimmed straw hat, and Lilly had insisted that I add one of her lilies to the hat as an accessory, nestled in the band. Lilly herself was wearing a short white skirt and a green button up blouse, and had let her hair fall freely around her shoulders, rather than keeping it braided the way I normally liked it for my maids. I really admired how long and silky her gorgeous hair really was. Truly the picturesque ideal of a brunette. With how often she looked down at this outfit of hers that she was wearing for the first time, I think she felt really beautiful in her own skin. After looking down at herself, she¡¯d glance up at me and smile, as if silently asking if I felt the same way.

    I did. She was beautiful. My eyes drew themselves down to her bare legs in particular. Perfectly smooth, not a hair to be seen. I still had to shave fairly often, because even though I barely exposed much of my body, if I even so much as saw one stray pubic hair or a single fleck of hair on my limbs or armpits, I had to smother my entire body in cream from the neck down and shave. Sometimes I even tried to use magic to burn it off. It never really worked, and I had harmed myself greatly in the past during some manic episodes. To say that body hair made me feel dysphoric was an understatement. Having that penis was bad enough. It was a shame though, since I usually liked body hair on other girls. Preferred it in some cases.

    But right now I was extremely aware of the fact that Lilly¡¯s body was perfect. She didn¡¯t need to try. Benefits of being a Monstra, I guess- You can change your body however you like. I doubt she even suppresses her hair growth consciously. Maybe she has never encountered the concept of shaving before. That was a strange thought, but completely plausible. I had to wonder what other aspects of herself were a result of the monstra blood within her- Where did the human end and the monstra begin? Just how beautiful would she naturally be if she was born fully human?

    ¡°You¡¯re looking at me a lot. Like what you see? I¡¯m only this pretty because of the clothes you gave me, Aya. I¡¯m very grateful~¡±

    As she spoke she took off her seatbelt so that she could shuffle along the seat and lay her head on my shoulders, closing her eyes as she stroked my thighs. Has she always smelt this good?

    ¡°Just had to say the quiet part out loud, huh?¡± I teased, running my hand up and down her sides.

    ¡°Because you kept looking at me hehe¡­¡±

    ¡°Uh, because you kept looking at me!¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m always looking at you.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll remember you said that for later.¡±

    ¡°Hehehe~¡±

    We hugged and muttered to each other like this for a few more moments before arriving at our destination. As the car came to a stop, Lilly was reluctant to let go of me, but a quick flick to the forehead prompted her to shuffle over to her side and leave the car, though not before playfully pouting at me. I didn¡¯t know whether to admire or be afraid of the fact that she could get so lost in one moment that she forgot about everything else.

    I gave the driver some coins so that didn¡¯t have to spend his own dime to enjoy himself for a few hours, whilst he waited for us to ask him to drive us back. Once he was gone, probably off to the pub for some day drinking even though it was in his job description to stay sober, I turned to Lilly, who was marvelling at the sights before her.

    Belfort was a fairly nice town. One of the more developed towns in Selicia, it bordered on being a city, although it wasn¡¯t nearly as grand as Beldon, the capital city where the imperial palace was situated, or the port town of Sapphire Bay, where most of our international trade was conducted. Belfort had started as a military base. As the name implied, it had been a fort to protect the Belfonses during the civil war two hundred years ago, as even back then, the Belfonse estate was where Princes and Princesses to the throne were raised and kept until such a time that they would succeed the throne. A revolution had attempted to overthrow the monarchy and the noble class, and even as a Princess, I found myself wishing that the revolution had succeeded. But the educated classes had access to military tactics and arcane knowledge that made it a simple task to quell the rebellion. Well, I say simple, but they still felt the need to build this fort, and the conflict was still drawn out for a gruelling three years. Back then, the underclasses had certainly been underestimated, giving them an initial advantage.

    Since then, the military base had ceased to be useful, especially since it wasn¡¯t useful in international conflicts. We wanted defences closer to the coast and the capital for that, not a base in the heart of the country. The base itself was remodelled into a school roughly one hundred and fifty years ago, by an ambitious noble named Joseph Wormwood. Nowadays it goes by the name ¡®The Wormwood Academy of Belfort¡¯. The academy was and still is the best education one could get outside of Beldon itself, causing many to flock to Belfort over the centuries and decades and set up new, and cheaper, lives here.

    But of course, Lilly didn¡¯t know any of that history. Once I got around to arranging an education for her, she would know, but for now, it was just any old town for her. The smells of bakeries, cafes and restaurants no doubt immediately assaulted her nostrils, there was a shop selling books or clothes or music records and instruments and much more, or a beautiful looking cottage or house wherever she turned. The streets were made from proper brick rather than cobble stones, and street lamps powered by arcane circles rather than gas fires lined the streets. She pointed out a fire hydrant to me and asked me what its name and purpose was.

    ¡°Can¡¯t these¡­ ¡®Firemen¡¯ just use magic to create water that can put out a fire?¡±

    ¡°Not everyone knows how to use magic, Lilly. Some people struggle to maintain and work with arcane circles in dangerous conditions, especially if they¡¯re not properly constructed. We¡¯re spoiled by our access to magic, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°I guess that¡¯s right¡­ So, where do we go first! I wanna eat everything I smell!¡±

    ¡°Well, we can do just that, we can visit any shop you want, and I¡¯ll buy you *one* thing from each location if you would like. But there is a place I want to take you first. The best bakery in Belfort. Fancy dessert before lunch?¡±

    ¡°Every damn time! Absolutely yes! Let¡¯s go Ay- Um, let¡¯s go L-Lucy!¡±

    ¡°Good girl,¡± I said, patting her on the head before heading in the direction of ¡®Granny¡¯s Kitchen¡¯, the establishment I was most excited to show Lilly.

    There was always a line outside the establishment, so long that it went around a street corner. It was a tiny little two storey building, the business was on the bottom floor, the owner¡¯s residence on the second floor.

    ¡°Wow, is this place really that popular?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s run by a woman people here affectionately named ¡®Granny Belfort¡¯. She¡¯s known all across the town, as well as elsewhere in Selicia. She and her husband run the place all by themselves.¡±

    ¡°Should we do something else until the line dies down?¡±

    ¡°Nope, we wait. They close in an hour. That¡¯s why it¡¯s so busy.¡±

    ¡°This early in the day?¡±

    ¡°They¡¯re old, Lilly. They need a lot of time to rest. But I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll get ourselves a cake.¡±

    ¡°What options do they have?¡±

    ¡°There are no options. They cook something different every week, depending on their mood and the seasonal ingredients they can acquire.¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ What¡¯s todays?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t know, Lilly, um¡­¡±

    I looked around, and spotted a man walking out holding a cake. They didn¡¯t allow you to eat in, so they designed the cakes to be held by hand, wrapped in paper so that you could easily eat it whilst standing. Given its orange colour and white frosting on top, I surmised which one it was this time.

    ¡°Looks like carrot cake.¡±

    ¡°*Carrot cake*? Really? Lame. I wanted vanilla.¡±

    ¡°Not chocolate?¡±

    ¡°I hate chocolate. It looks like poop. But I¡¯d still take chocolate over *carrot*. It¡¯s not even sweet! It¡¯s a veggie! You serve it with meat and potatoes, not *cake*!¡±

    ¡°Trust me, Lilly, it¡¯ll be good.¡±

    ¡°Whatever you say, *Lucy*.¡±

    I tried to cheer her up with some small talk as we waited in line, discussing what sort of places we should visit. She wanted some clothes and accessories, but when I suggested music, she was resistant to that, too.

    ¡°Music? Music? Why would I care about music? It¡¯s just dumb sounds nobles listen to to make themselves feel cultured. Gloria would play classical music all the time, even when she was¡­ Y-Yeah, well anyway, it makes my blood boil, and I have zero interest in music.¡±

    ¡°... I see. How about a movie? There¡¯s a theatre in town.¡±

    ¡°A movie? One of those moving picture things?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right. They¡¯ve only been around for fifty years, but they¡¯re quite popular. Would you like to try one? They¡¯re a great alternative to books. You don¡¯t need to read anything.¡±

    ¡°H-Huh, well¡­ I guess they sound kinda interesting. A moving photograph sounds surreal.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s why people still like them, even though we¡¯ve grown used to them.¡±

    ¡°Alright¡­ That sounds like a fun thing to do after lunch and shopping, I guess.¡±

    With that agreed upon, we eventually reached the front of the line after a few minutes. The inside of the establishment was tiny, and only the people at the front of the line were allowed inside. The floors and the wall were all made of brick, and there wasn¡¯t much decoration. A counter, three chairs for people to wait in, a lantern hanging on the wall, a potted sunflower in the corner, and a black and white framed photo depicting the fort before its conversion hung on the wall. An old man who looked positively ancient, but who was extremely friendly greeted us as we stepped inside.

    ¡°Ahh, Princess Ayano. How good it is to see you again. How many years has it been again?¡±

    ¡°Actually, I¡¯d say that it¡¯s only about nine months by my estimation, Harold. It is wonderful to see that you¡¯re doing well.¡±

    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

    ¡°My my, perhaps time doesn¡¯t fly quite as much as I think! Hahaha, it makes me feel young again, almost! And who is this pretty lass?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m Lilly¡­ But um, you¡¯re not supposed to recognise Ayano, right?¡±

    ¡°Oh ho ho ho, I¡¯ve known her for a long time. It¡¯s easy to see past those glasses once you¡¯ve gotten used to them. Now, Lilly, you wouldn¡¯t happen to be the Princess¡¯ new handmaiden, would you?¡±

    ¡°I am!¡±

    ¡°Oh, such wonderful news¡­ I am glad you have someone to take care of you, Lady Ayano, very glad indeed. Victoria will be so happy to hear that you moved on from Georgia. I miss seeing her around. Such a kind girl, she would often help us distribute cakes for charity. For a little while, everyone in Belfort knew her name! Where is she living right now?¡±

    ¡°... I wouldn¡¯t know. Last I heard she was heading for Sapphire Bay.¡±

    ¡°I see, I see. She might be out on the ocean by now, perhaps in a different country! I do hope she keeps safe from the Monstra¡­ Oh, the tales I hear from the seas are so frightful¡­ There have been more reports of Monstra attacks on vessels lately. Even ships nowhere near Grisia are getting attacked, it seems! Oh, the world is such a frightful place¡­ Now then, Lady Ayano, Lilly, let me stop myself from waffling on any further and I¡¯ll go fetch you your cakes¡­¡±

    He shuffled away through a door leading into the back of the building.

    ¡°... I wouldn¡¯t mind hearing about Georgia sometime,¡± Lilly mumbled once we were both alone for a moment.

    I wish people wouldn¡¯t go on and on about her. People were so gossipy. My private history with other people was none of their business! And I wasn¡¯t sure how to go about explaining it to Lilly, either. I wasn¡¯t necessarily worried that she would think less of me, but¡­ It would certainly be harder for me to maintain this relationship for as long as I needed to if she knew the full details. And I just¡­ Well, I simply didn¡¯t want to revisit that part of my life, it was as simple as that.

    ¡°Another time, Lilly.¡±

    It was then that Harold and the woman herself emerged, Granny Belfort. Also known as Victoria Belfort. I was actually a little surprised to see her. I hadn¡¯t seen her the last time I had visited, as she was always so busy in the kitchen. Everybody loved her for her kindness and her cakes, but she left dealing with customers to her husband, usually. Old like her husband, but thin and wiry, looking almost like a skeleton, as though she never ate her own cakes. She had her hair tied up in a net, wore a great big apron with a love heart on it, and was wearing a set of oven proof gloves. A big smile was on her face as she looked at me and Lilly.

    ¡°Oh, Lady Ayano, how pleased I am to be seeing you again! I know I shouldn¡¯t be out here right now, I don¡¯t want to hold up the line, but please, take these cakes. I baked them with love, as always!¡±

    She handed one to me, whilst her husband handed the other to Lilly, who eyed it cautiously. Although her lack of enthusiasm for carrot cake seemed to melt away as she properly looked at it and smelt it. The cake was small but wide, flat almost like a pancake, easy to hold in the hand. It was wrapped in thick paper designed to resist moisture and to not fall apart too easily. Almost as soon as she was given it, Lilly took a quick little bite out of it. Instantly, her eyes lit up. I was almost worried they might turn purple!

    ¡°This is¡­ stupendously amazing! It melts in your mouth but it''s so crumbly, it¡¯s sweet but the carrot is so flavoursome and compliments it surprisingly well, it¡¯s salty and¡­ Flavour and texture wise, it¡¯s just¡­ Incredible! How do you make this? I¡¯d love to try out the recipe!¡±

    ¡°Aww, thank you so much for your kind words! Listen¡­ There are two secret ingredients. A lifetime of practice, and genuine love. Now, I wanted to come out to see you Lady Ayano because I¡¯m so happy to see you moving on¡­ I also wanted to give your new handmaid a gift!¡±

    Granny Belfort came around to the other side of the counter and stood before Lilly, smiling with such happiness as she removed her necklace. My heart sank. I recognised it immediately. I tried my best to control myself as I saw her put the necklace on Lilly.

    ¡°Now, as you may be aware, you¡¯re Lady Ayano¡¯s first handmaiden in quite some time¡­ Back then, I gave her this necklace as a gift. But she returned it to me shortly before she left Belfort¡­ Now, the love heart is self explanatory, but, the crown it is wearing¡­ It is made to look like the Selician crown. This necklace¡­ Represents your undying devotion to the crown. To its heir, Ayano. I want you to always carry it with you, because you have the very important duty of supporting the heir¡­ Upholding our natural order, maintaining peace. Do not think of your job as a small or unworthy task. You were chosen by the Princess herself to be her most trusted aide. One day, her majesty Ayano may ascend the throne and become Queen¡­ At such a time, she will need your support more than ever. So promise me¡­ That you will hold on to those feelings of yours. Being a part of the royal family is difficult work. The most important and trying work performed by anyone in this country. Understand?¡±

    Her eyes were sparkling. It made my stomach churn. It was such a sweet moment, and¡­ It made me feel like fainting. This was really happening all over again, wasn¡¯t it? I had forgotten about that necklace up until now, that little pink crystal heart wearing a crown made from real gold. The piece of jewellery was worth a lot, but it was also beautiful, and it held significance. Lilly was probably going to wear this when bathing and sleeping from now on. I would see it and be reminded of Georgia every day. Was I really going to stomp all over this moment, too?

    Maybe¡­ I didn¡¯t have to? But I did¡­ I just¡­ I couldn¡¯t take Lilly to the palace¡­ It was one thing to have fun and fool around as a Princess, but¡­ I couldn¡¯t possibly handle her as a Queen.

    ¡°Yes yes! Absolutely I understand! Thank you Granny Belfort! You¡¯re so nice and your cake is amazing!¡±

    Setting down the cake for a moment, Lilly wrapped her arms around the old lady and pulled her in for a brief hug, which Victoria promptly broke, before heading back around to the other side of the counter.

    ¡°You¡¯ve found a lovely handmaiden, Lady Ayano. Be sure to treat her well. Now shoo! Customers are waiting!¡±

    ¡°Will you need anything else, honey?¡± Harold called after his wife as she headed back to the kitchen.

    ¡°Just water, my dear!¡±

    ¡°On its way, my love! Goodbye!. Please visit again!¡±

    ¡°Oh we will! We definitely will!¡± Lilly exclaimed.

    ¡°Yes. Absolutely. Good day to you and thank you. Victoria left rather promptly, so¡­ Do pass along my thanks as well.¡±

    ¡°Of course I shall. And you needn¡¯t worry. Her devotion to the crown is strong. She understands the work you put in each and every day- That work is your eternal thanks to us. Offering you a free cake or two every now and then is the least we can do.¡±

    ¡°Free? Are you sure you don¡¯t want us to pay?¡±

    ¡°Oh! Absolutely not! We have little need for money at our age, especially with the kids moved out. So, of all the customers not to charge, the Princess herself is certainly at the top of the list. The joy on your faces is all we need. Now go on, you kept me talking for too long! We mustn''t keep the others waiting.¡±

    ¡°Certainly. Thanks again. Goodbye!¡±

    ¡°Bye bye!¡± Lilly echoed.

    We waved goodbye as we finally left the building, scowling customers outside seeing us out.

    ¡°Told you it would be good, didn¡¯t I?¡±

    ¡°Yeah¡­ Sorry Lucy, you¡¯re always right¡­¡± Lilly muttered apologetically as she devoured her cake.

    Couldn¡¯t blame her. I proceeded to wolf mine down just as quickly.

    ~~~

    We were each carrying several large bags of shopping. Clothes, shoes, and accessories mostly. Lilly wore nothing but her maid dress on a day to day basis, but she clearly wanted to look pretty for me any time we went out like this. I tried to remind her that days out like this wouldn¡¯t be a common occurrence, but she said that she didn¡¯t mind. She also pointed out that all the underwear she was buying was something that she would wear under her maid dress, and that I could look at it any time. Yeah. What a benefit for *me* that is. I knew her game.

    I also purchased a camera and a flute for her. Lilly obviously had no musical talent, but¡­ Well, whatever made her happy, I guess. The camera was an interesting choice. I just hoped she wouldn¡¯t insist on taking pictures of us having sex. I had to promise her that she wouldn¡¯t take any incriminating photographs. She assured me that she just wanted to take pictures of nature ¡®and stuff¡¯. For myself, I purchased a few records and some books. It wasn¡¯t every day that I got to update my record collection and my personal library, after all. Lilly still scoffed at the thought of listening to music, but I promised her some rewards if she listened to some tracks with me, which instantly upped her enthusiasm. As for the books, she seemed to be jealous that other people could read them, and wanted to hear more about them. I mostly purchased non-fiction and romance stories, so I put a particular focus on the romance novels I was buying. I gave her the titles and a quick description of the plots, based on what was on the blurbs.

    ¡°Whhhat! ¡®Star Crossed Hearts¡¯, ¡®End of Love¡¯, ¡®The Yearning¡¯, ¡®The Flickering Star¡¯. These all sound so sad! I bet none of the couples get together in the end! And at least half of these have like¡­ at least one *man* involved!¡± She complained.

    ¡°Interesting stories have conflict in them, Lilly. Happy endings get boring after you¡¯ve read them enough times. Oh, and yeah, I don¡¯t like hetero romances either, but you have to take what you can get sometimes.¡±

    ¡°Pffft, if you say so. Who wants to be left with the message that love is hopeless, though? Shouldn¡¯t you be smiling at the end of a book rather than crying or feeling awful? Crying sucks! Feeling awful is even more awful! It¡¯s fiction, it can be however you want it! Hell, *real* relationships can be however you and the other person want it! All these stories just make it seem like heartbreak is inevitable!¡±

    ¡°Come on, Lilly. You¡¯ve cried before. Sometimes it¡¯s nice to have something that can release the floodworks. It can be difficult to do without a strong emotional trigger. And besides¡­ Even in real life, there can be a mismatch of feelings. One person wants what the other doesn¡¯t. Feelings can change, too.¡±

    ¡°Hmph. Well, if it were me, I¡¯d make sure to love the other person so much that their feelings couldn¡¯t possibly change. Besides, Lucy, I cry enough as it is. Don¡¯t need fiction for that¡­ I just want to fill my life with as much happiness as possible. Smiles, laughter and¡­¡±

    ¡°Moans?¡±

    ¡°Hehe. Yeah. Moans~¡±

    I sighed. Love solves everything, huh? If only I could live in her binary little world. It would be nice to not have to worry about complex emotions and mitigating circumstances. However, I decided to drop the conversation there.

    ¡°Can¡¯t argue with that, I suppose.¡±

    From there we had a late lunch at, of all places, a Zeerian restaurant. Even though eating Zeerian food wasn¡¯t exactly forbidden, most people associated with the nobility or the crown didn¡¯t want to participate in Zeerian culture or cuisine, considering the danger they posed to the nation. The restaurant was owned by actual immigrants from Zeer, and they cooked some authentic stuff. Sausage cooked with herbs and spices not typically grown in Selicia, flavoursome rice dishes and chilli. Alongside a tall, cold pint of Zeerian beer for each of us, that was our meal. The pot of chilli was so large that it was served for the two of us, and we simply used a ladle to serve it on top of our rice as we wanted it.

    ¡°Mmm! Never really had alcohol before¡­ I may have had a few sips here and there I think, but a glass of beer, all to myself? Now that¡¯s luxurious! *Hic*. Oh! I¡¯m hiccuping! It¡¯s so bubbly! Can I order another one after this one?¡±

    ¡°You should be wary of alcohol Lilly. It feels good, but it¡¯s a poison. Don¡¯t get too addicted to it. Think of it as a nice occasional treat.¡±

    ¡°Well, alright¡­ Guess I¡¯ll just have to order more food to make up for it then, hehe¡­ This isn¡¯t as good as Hugo¡¯s cooking, but I imagine this is about as good as Zeerian cooking gets, huh? I love how spicy and rich the chilli is! And the sausage is so juicy and packed with flavour!¡±

    ¡°I bet they have even better chefs at the Zeerian homeland.¡±

    ¡°Even if they do, I bet they couldn¡¯t beat Hugo in a cook off!¡±

    ¡°That would be fun to see some day. I bet he¡¯d get really competitive.¡±

    ¡°No doubt!¡±

    By the time we finished our meal, it was approaching late afternoon. Our bellies were so full that neither of us wanted to move, but we had somehow managed to devour the entire pot of chilli, all the rice and sausage, and were even ravenous enough to order some flat bread. Between the cake and this meal, it felt as though we had eaten all the calories we would need for the entire week! I¡¯d have to ask Hugo to give me a salad for dinner tomorrow. I had to watch my waistline.

    ¡°Movies?¡± I asked.

    ¡°In a biiiiiiiiit¡­ Good looooooooooord¡­ thatsh filled me up more than like, thosh tensh treesh did¡­¡±

    ¡°Probably because you were eating real food, and not wood,¡± I joked, giggling at myself, and at Lilly¡¯s tired and slightly slurred speech.

    ¡°I feel a bit dizzy¡­¡±

    ¡°Probably the beer. Give it time. We have all night. Our driver is probably enjoying his little break right now.¡±

    ¡°Okaysh¡­ Jusht¡­ A few minutesh¡­¡±

    As soon as she said that, she closed her eyes, and I could immediately tell that she had entered into a shallow sleep. I let her rest. Didn¡¯t want her falling asleep in the middle of her first film, after all.

    ~~~

    A quick nap and some time to digest the meal was all she needed to re-energise herself. I paid the bill and asked for a glass of water for each of us, and that seemed to sober Lilly up a bit. A mixture of exhaustion and being unused to alcohol was probably why Lilly had been a bit out of it after just one pint of beer.

    Soon, we were at the theatre. We looked at the various movies on offer, and¡­ Well, there was one in particular that caught both of our eyes.

    ¡°Ayano and Marianne. Is it named after you?¡±

    ¡°No it¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s got nothing to do with me. Merely coincidental. It¡¯s a book adaptation.¡±

    A very important one, too, and not just to Selician culture, but to me as well. Indeed It has been a popular book for almost two decades now, and has finally earned its long overdue film adaptation. But on a personal level it meant more than that. To me, It was also the most meaningful work of fiction that I had ever encountered. It was funny that Lilly would ask if the character was named after me.

    Because, funnily enough, I was the only person in the world who knew that I was actually named after the Ayano in this story.

    ¡°Oh, well, is it good?¡±

    ¡°... Very. I would recommend it.¡±

    ¡°Then let¡¯s see it!¡±

    ¡°Okay. Let¡¯s grab our tickets, then. Want a snack?¡±

    ¡°Absolutely not!¡± Lilly laughed, ¡°But I would love some more water please.¡±

    The theatre building itself looked like it had once been designed for stage plays. Constructed from marble, many open spaces, round pillars with spiral designs supporting a sloped ceiling, the old architecture having been retrofitted with anachronistic looking technology and devices powered by arcane circles. The theatre itself was a dark room, windows bordered over with wood to block sunlight from entering, the audience seats curved around a stage that no longer had actors, only a large screen upon which the movie was projected.

    The theatre was less than half full by the time the movie started, and me and Lilly had secured premium seats right in the middle of the middle row. It wasn¡¯t ideal to view the screen when sitting on the far reaches of the left or right sides, due to the way the seats were curved. Being a weeknight, it made sense that it wasn¡¯t a full house, but I had been a bit worried that the tickets might be sold out given the fact that the film had apparently only just been released around three weeks ago. Lilly leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder as the movie began. Five minutes into the opening credits, I was getting a little uncomfortable, so to make things easier I simply hoisted Lilly up onto my lap, planting a quick peck on her lips. I wanted to show her affection without distracting her from the film too much. She sighed and sunk into my embrace, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Sort of made purchasing her seat pointless, and a few people were looking at us, but for the most part we were ignored and we both seemed to be comfortable.

    ~~~

    The movie itself was about two girls of different social classes, both aged 17 years old. Ayano was from a dirt poor family, her father was dead, her mother was ill, and her three siblings consisted of a gang member, a drug addict, and a gambling addict. Ayano worked tirelessly to support all four of them by herself. Marianne came from a wealthy noble family. Upon meeting Ayano by chance one day, Marianne finds herself captivated by Ayano¡¯s beauty, and offers to support Ayano and her family in exchange for a daily kiss. At first Ayano thinks it¡¯s a good deal, especially as their relationship starts to develop and they develop real feelings for each other that are more than skin deep. Mariane shows Ayano luxuries that she had only ever dreamed of, such as a slice of cake, and Ayano shows Mariane the freedom she had always longed for, exploring the city and the countryside to their heart¡¯s content.

    When Mariane informs Ayano that her parents are forcing her into entering an arranged marriage, and that they can thus no longer be together or even see each other anymore, Ayano falls into despair. Even though Mariane promises to continue supplying Ayano with money, Ayano has reached the point where all she wants is Mariane¡¯s love. Among the riches Mariane had gifted her, she by chance stumbles upon a genie¡¯s lamp, which she rubs, releasing the genie from his captivity. He offers Ayano three wishes. The first thing that she wishes for is for her family to be wealthy, healthy, and happy. It works. The gambler wins big the next day and brings home a windfall which, combined with Mariane¡¯s riches, allows them to move house and upgrade to a middle class lifestyle. Still commoners, but no longer poor. Her mother recovers from her sickness, and all of her siblings leave their old lifestyles behind to go to work or study at a school.

    Amazed that the wish worked, Ayano then wishes for Mariane to stay together with her forever, with nothing able to get in their way. It works. The arranged marriage is called off and her family grants Mariane total freedom to do whatever she wants. Their love is affirmed and they spend a year together, deeply in love. Ayano was sure that this perfect life would last forever, and soon forgets about the genie and his last wish, no longer feeling the need for it.

    However, tragedy strikes when, one day, in a freak accident, Mariane is run over by a horse and cart, sustaining injuries that would easily be enough to kill her. Ayano sobs over her corpse, in the moment, truly believing her to be dead.

    But what was to come next was much, much worse.

    After a few minutes, Mariane¡¯s corpse opens its eyes, getting to its feet. She looks at Ayano, tears falling from her eyes, and pulls her into a gentle embrace. Her skin is cold. Her heart is no longer beating.

    ¡°I¡¯m still alive!¡± She happily proclaims, ¡°It hurts so, so much¡­ For a moment, I saw oblivion, and I was so afraid, but¡­ Here I am! Still alive! Still able to be with you, Ayano!¡±

    Ayano, too, is overjoyed. But she overlooks the implications of what had just happened. For Marianne had not resurrected from the grave- She was very much still dead. Very dead. And over the coming weeks, that fact becomes more and more apparent.

    First came the stench. Her family complained about it, the neighbours complained about it, anyone who they passed on the street, the loving couple hand in hand, complained about it. Ayano pretended she didn¡¯t notice it. Tried to rationalise it away. They continued to share kisses and intimate moments together, so much so that the stench began to hang off of Ayano, too, no matter how much she tried to scrub it away. A scene in which Ayano and Mariane attempt to clean themselves is particularly horrifying, as the skin effortlessly begins to peel off of Mariane¡¯s normally perfect and smooth brown skin, exposing the flesh and bone beneath. Mariane winces. Ayano screams, but Mariane insists that it¡¯s fine, and that she feels no pain.

    However, she is obviously in pain. She just doesn¡¯t want Ayano to know that. Once again, Ayano pretends to believe her.

    Mariane insists that they replace her skin with leather and stitches as and when it peels off, as the leather will match her existing skin colour. Ayano agrees, and within a month, none of Mariane¡¯s skin remains, she has been replaced entirely with leather. After going to bed one night, Ayano is awoken to hear the sounds of Mariane crying next to her.

    ¡°I can¡¯t feel her touch anymore¡­ Even my lips¡­ Kisses no longer feel the way they used to feel¡­ But if Ayano still loves me, if she still derives joy from this new skin of mine, then it¡¯s okay¡­¡±

    Ayano pretends not to hear. If Mariane is happy, then she is too. And she still loves Mariane deeply. Even if her skin is made of leather, what¡¯s important is the woman herself, not the sensation of touch.

    A few weeks later, Mariane¡¯s eye falls out of its socket. This time, she can¡¯t help but scream in pain. Ayano feeds her painkillers to numb the pain, and suggests a glass eye to replace it. Mariane agrees. A week later, the other eye falls out. Mariane now has two glass eyes, and is now blind. She cries again that night. She misses being able to witness Ayano¡¯s beauty, the thing that had made her fall in love with Ayano in the first place, before anything else.

    When her ear rots off of her head, they both agree to mutually cut off the other ear in advance. Better to get the pain over with sooner rather than later. They stitch on cloth ears supported by small wooden sticks as replacements. Mariane cries, wishing that she could still hear Ayano. Without eyes, however, she can¡¯t even cry tears. Her hair falls off. Not a big deal. A wig will replace it. A few fingers and toes fall off. Nothing some wood and glue can¡¯t fix.

    Ayano finally comes to her senses when Mariane¡¯s tongue falls out. Now, she has no idea what Mariane is thinking. And, most agonising of all for Ayano, she can longer hear the words ¡®I love you¡¯ out of Mariane¡¯s mouth. Mariane is now but a doll, the flesh beneath that leathery skin now too rotten and decomposed to even continue moving. But the consciousness is still in there somewhere. Mind deteriorating, spirit corrupting, likely living through a hell far deeper than a mortal mind could ever possibly imagine. And yet, despite everything, Ayano knew that Mariane was still deeply in love with her, willing to suffer for all eternity just for the sake of fulfilling Ayano¡¯s selfish wish.

    Ayano turns to the genie. She spends days agonising over a solution. Finally, after much deliberation, Ayano comes to a heartbreaking conclusion.

    Two wishes would be needed to remedy the situation. Mariane would need to be wished back to life and restored to her real body, and made invincible. And Ayano would need to be turned into an invincible, ageless immortal being herself, otherwise Mariane would remain by Ayano¡¯s inevitable corpse forever. The genie then reminds her that this wish would remain in place long after the world ends. And then they will find themselves drifting through an infinite void, together, but suffering unimaginable pain, with nobody there to see them. One day, even the void will come to an end, but their conscious minds will remain floating in that nothing, together, but unable to experience each other.

    That wish cannot come true, and yet Ayano begs for it anyway. She begs for a fourth wish. The genie informs her that his power simply doesn¡¯t work like that. A week passes. And finally, Ayano makes the only choice she knows she can make. The choice she should have made long ago, to cut Mariane¡¯s suffering short.

    ¡°I wish for you to allow Mariane to die painlessly, and for her spirit to pass on in peace.¡±

    Ayano offers the doll one final kiss goodbye, even though Mariane cannot feel it. The story ends as she finds herself wishing that Mariane had truly passed on, forced to trust in the genie¡¯s power that she is finally dead and at peace, and not still alive deep within the husk of her former self.

    ~~~

    Me and Lilly were both crying by the end. I truly felt as though the film had done the book justice. The way they had used special effects to depict Mariane slowly turning into a doll was wonderfully done and truly eerie and nausea inducing.

    ¡°I really liked that movie¡­¡± Lilly muttered, wiping the tears from her eyes, holding me tighter than ever.

    ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s¡­ It¡¯s very¡­ Meaningful to me.¡±

    ¡°I can imagine. Just¡­¡±

    ¡°Mmm?¡±

    ¡°I think¡­ It¡¯s so arbitrary that¡­ The genie only granted three wishes¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s how genies traditionally work in fiction and mythology.¡±

    ¡°Still though, it¡¯s arbitrary¡­¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ Think of it like this. Every individual has their own limits. When you want to surpass those limits, you need to rely on outside resources. Other people. Materials in the world. That sort of thing. Even though the power of the world is vast, it, too, has its own limits, just like you do.¡±

    ¡°Mmm¡­ Maybe like a human does. But me specifically? THE Lilly? I don¡¯t have limits. I could grant an infinite number of wishes.¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ In any case, the movie isn¡¯t about you.¡±

    ¡°I suppose not¡­ Well, I can say that within the limits of Ayano¡¯s power, y¡¯know, uh, not you, the movie Ayano, she made the right choice. It was very sweet of her to make that sacrifice.¡±

    ¡°I think that¡­ She was very selfish. She let the mistake of her second wish drag on for far too long. Caused Mariane so much more pain than was necessary.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ I think¡­ Mariane was glad for the extra time. And her first and third wishes weren¡¯t selfish.¡±

    ¡°... Maybe, but¡­ That¡¯s still¡­ I just¡­ Have a very low opinion of the Ayano character in this film. In my opinion, I can¡¯t help but think that¡­ For trying to bargain with the genie, he didn¡¯t grant the third wish as a way to punish Ayano¡¯s hubris. That Mariane is still alive in there.¡±

    ¡°I have a high opinion of both Ayano and Mariane. And I have no doubt that Mariane is dead and at peace.¡±

    ¡°On what basis?¡±

    ¡°Do you have a basis for believing that the genie lied? He¡¯s bound by his very nature to grant the wishes asked of him.¡±

    ¡°... I suppose not. It just comes down to¡­ Our irrational judgements and interpretations, I suppose.¡±

    ¡°Mmm! Indeed. Well, ready to go home? It must be dark out by now.¡±

    ¡°Yeah. Lets.¡±

    As we left the movie theatre, I felt my heart aching. I empathised with Ayano in the movie so much that it hurt. Of course, I wasn¡¯t one to blindly follow the messages and themes of fiction, not even the works I loved. Two different situations didn¡¯t correlate to one another in a one to one fashion, especially not when it came to comparing situations in fiction with reality. Fiction had the ability to unconsciously shape minds, sure, but at the end of the day, I and everybody else were free thinkers.

    But this story had always struck a chord with me. And it was for that very same reason that my resolve had been solidified more than ever. I vowed to never make the same mistakes Ayano did.

 Chapter 10- Lilly

    When we got home that night, the unthinkable happened. Both exhausted, I thought for sure that Ayano would send me to bed early for the night. But instead, she invited me up to her room.

    "Now is as good a time as any for me to teach you how to bathe me. Let''s go."

    My eyes lit up as I eagerly followed her up through the manor to her quarters.

    "Mmm? Just this morning you were saying you wanted to keep me waiting¡­"

    "Don''t try to tease me Lilly. You''ll start pushing your luck¡­" She pushed back with a smirk, "It may be exciting for you, but remember, here, we''re not a couple. This is just work."

    "Whateveeeer you say, *Lady* Ayano."

    With a sigh, we passed through the door to her room. Before the door was even fully closed, I was eager to undress, throwing down the shopping I was carrying and beginning to remove my clothes. She hadn''t yet seen me naked before after all! Well, besides the first and second times we met, and just recently in the forest after fighting that Monstra bear. But none of those times were in the proper context! I was already in my underwear, fiddling with my bra strap, by the time Ayano had set down her half of the shopping that she had been carrying.

    "Well, you''re a quick one, aren''t you? Perhaps you should go run the bath for me whilst I get ready then. I''ll adjust the temperature and the bath salts to my liking later, so don''t worry about that."

    "Okay, sure!"

    Panties off, and I was already skipping towards the bathroom door.

    "Ahh, but wait."

    I stopped, turning to look at her inquisitively.

    "Promise me something. Promise me that¡­ Whatever you see, even if it''s something you weren''t expecting, even if you think it''s disgusting, that¡­ That you won''t be upset. And be especially sure that you don''t tell *anyone*. Not even someone you think you trust. Any secrets stay between you and me. Understood?"

    "... Of course, Aya. There''s nothing about you I would find disgusting."

    I meant it, too. I couldn''t fathom what she would be referring to, either. I had already seen her mostly naked before, even though I had never seen her without her panties. Was it some sort of birthmark? Did she think that she had too much pubic hair down there? I wouldn''t know.

    "Say that you''ll promise."

    I shrugged.

    "I promise, Aya."

    With that I headed into the bathroom and began running the water.

    By the time Ayano was ready the bath was already 3\4 full. I stopped the taps since Ayano said that she wanted to adjust the heat herself. I erred on the side of hot, perhaps too hot. The temperature one way or another didn''t really bother me, after all. I sank into the water, resting my head on the side, which had been cushioned with some sort of soft rubbery material, and sighed as I let the hot water relax my weary bones. It was a large tub, circular, almost twice as large as an ordinary tub. Clearly designed for a Princess and her handmaiden.

    When she finally entered, wrapped in a towel, she had a large blush on her face and she clearly looked uncomfortable. She avoided looking in my direction, moving lethargically, as though prolonging the inevitable. I didn¡¯t say anything right away, however. I knew I was supposed to use this moment to comfort her, but I think I¡¯d come across as much too eager rather than comforting, and even I knew that this was the wrong moment for that. But as I waited, she just continued to stand in place, waiting, looking more and more awkward by the moment. I had never seen her looking so flustered, so nervous. It was cute! But I had studied her face long enough.

    ¡°... I made a promise, didn¡¯t I?¡±

    She was probably more worried about what she didn¡¯t want me to see, rather than nakedness in and of itself, after all. With my statement out of the way, Ayano finally unwrapped her towel and let it drop¡­ And revealed a penis between her legs, flaccid and hairless, masculine genitalia that nonetheless looked so smooth and feminine. I looked at it for a few moments.

    That¡¯s it?

    ¡°... You might want to check the temperature before stepping in. I may have run it too hot.¡±

    With a nod, Ayano did indeed test the waters with her hand, putting on the cold tap and standing back. She was still silent, and still looked embarrassed. No. I think she was afraid more than anything. Merely ignoring it wasn¡¯t going to be good enough, was it?

    ¡°... It¡¯s beautiful, you know. I um¡­¡± Ugh, I don¡¯t know how to comfort people, ¡°I¡­ Get that nobody would accept a¡­ Y¡¯know¡­ P-Penis on a P-Princess¡­ But¡­¡±

    As I trailed off, Ayano suddenly looked a little bit alarmed. Just a bit.

    ¡°B-But¡­?¡±

    ¡°Aghhh! I just said, didn''t I? It¡¯s beautiful! It doesn¡¯t make me like you less!¡±

    ¡°... Would you have preferred¡­ A vagina?¡± She asked.

    ¡°It literally doesn¡¯t matter, one way or the other. I-If that¡¯s what you have, t-that¡¯s what you have, even if you¡¯d rather have something else, I¡¯d prefer to love you for who you are right now, not who you or I or anybody else wants you to be¡­¡±

    I was telling the truth. How could I not be? I wanted love, not pussy or dick. It would be foolish to reject Ayano¡¯s love now because of one of the least important things about a person.

    ¡°... I¡¯m no good at this sort of thing. Comforting someone, I mean,¡± I nervously continued, ¡°Nobody has ever been vulnerable with me before. And because of that, I¡¯m glad that¡­ You wanted to share this secret with me.¡±

    Ayano turned off the tap and slipped into the bath, swirling around the water to even out the temperature. The bath was still steaming. It was perfect and warm. Before I could get a good look at her face, she splashed it with water, and kept her hands on her face for a good few moments. I guess this was overwhelming for her. Should I offer her the bath salts? Um¡­ Nah. I knew what to do.

    ¡°C¡¯mere¡­¡±

    I readjusted myself so that I was sitting next to her, moving oh so gracefully through the water, and wrapped my arms around her. I brought her head to rest against my cleavage, running my hands through her hair and up and down her sides.

    ¡°... Y-You don¡¯t need to hug me, I¡¯m fine¡­¡± She whispered, barely audible over the sounds of the shifting water.

    ¡°Mmm? You don¡¯t look fine. And you hardly seem against this. Is this¡­ Secret of yours why I¡¯m your first handmaiden in a while?¡±

    ¡°... Yeah. Kinda. I guess.¡±

    I loved the way she spoke when she was away from the public. Simple, non committal words. Like she wasn¡¯t used to expressing her own feelings in these sorts of contexts. I appreciated the lack of eloquence, even if her vague statements made it a bit more difficult to talk. Oh my cute little Ayano, I love you so much!

    ¡°... Go on. Clean. You should know how to clean someone¡­¡± She muttered after some more silence.

    Hmm. Did I? I had learned how to clean myself since coming to the mansion, but I didn¡¯t know what Ayano liked. There were so many bottles and bars of soap off to the side, I hardly knew what to use! Eventually, I did reach out for a bottle I saw labelled ¡®Peach Body Soap¡¯. I had finally discovered the secret to her scent! I squirted a generous amount onto my hands, rubbing them together before placing them on Ayano¡¯s body. In addition to it having the peach scent that had interested me for so long, I wanted to use liquid soap so that I could touch her rather than have a solid bar of soap between us. It would probably be nicer for her that way, too. I slathered it across her upper body, across her shoulders, neck, down her arms, beneath her armpits. So slowly, so sweetly, lightly squeezing and massaging her skin, being so careful not to dig my nails into her flesh¡­ I brought my hands around to her stomach. But¡­ Oh. Above me were a pair of wonderful things that I thought were in the most need of cleaning! I stopped. Pondering. Do I go for it?

    ¡°... Everywhere needs to be cleaned, Lilly.¡±

    I thought my heart might explode out of my chest.

    <3 <3 <3

    I¡¯d seen her breasts a few times before, but now was the chance to really get to know them. Hell, I¡¯d be getting to know every inch of her by the end of this bathing session. They had always looked so surreal to me. A little larger than mine by a cup size or two, their size was hardly absurd. When I was staying with the nobles I had often seen women, slaves and noblewomen alike, with boobs so large that no matter how fake or real they may have been, they looked wrong and alien to me. They shouldn''t be larger than your own head! They had always repulsed me.

    But Ayano¡¯s breasts weren¡¯t surreal because they were large. Rather, they had some other ephemeral quality to them that I couldn¡¯t quite pinpoint. Perhaps it was because they belonged to a Princess, because it was *Ayano¡¯s* chest. Whatever it was, as I placed my soapy hands upon them, I hoped that I would figure it out.

    She didn¡¯t moan, but she drew in breath and seemed to hold it as my fingers began to explore those two delightful mounds. Visually, they looked so firm and pert, as though they might secretly be made of rock. But to actually touch them, I found my fingers sinking in deeply without me even really needing to squeeze. They were softer than any pillow I had ever slept on. To be fair, it wasn¡¯t like I had a wealth of experience with comfy pillows.

    ¡°Am I being gentle?¡± I asked.

    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

    ¡°Yep¡­¡±

    I planted a kiss on her cheek before continuing. I couldn¡¯t help it. She was so kissable. I began to massage the pair in circles, used my finger and thumb to tweak her nipples, enjoying the feeling of them growing steadily harder and more erect to my touch. I didn¡¯t exactly know any good technique. I simply did what had always made me feel good, and what I had always wanted to do to another girl.

    ¡°Does it feel good?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Of course, Lilly¡­¡±

    She seemed to be liking it. But of course, this probably wasn¡¯t her first go around. She wasn¡¯t going to moan and mewl to my touch that easily. Considering how thoroughly soaped up they were, I decided to move on. Down her front, her stomach, her sides, her back, I even slipped my hand beneath her butt and gave her ass a quick squeeze before moving on to her legs. I soon got to know her every curve¡­ Ayano even bent her knee and drew her leg up to her chest, so that I could clean her feet. Even her toes felt wonderful to touch. I was trying my best to commit this experience to memory, even though it was so overwhelming and wonderful that I often felt my mind going blank for seconds at a time.

    ¡°Looks like you¡¯re done. I think we should move on to the hair-¡±

    But I wasn¡¯t done. I had touched everywhere, save for one place. I wrapped a hand around her cock.

    ¡°Lilly!¡±

    She squirmed in my embrace as she let out a soft moan, perhaps surprised that I had touched her there so suddenly. Was it unused to stimulation? Perhaps she was so ashamed of it that she didn¡¯t touch it often. Cute, but if true, that was also pretty sad.

    ¡°Hmmm? Want me to stop?¡± I asked teasingly as I began to rub my hand slowly up and down her shaft.

    It was already pretty hard by the time I had touched it, from all the touching. Since it was under the water, stroking it was a frictionless task, too. I reached down my other hand to cup her testicles. They felt pretty small. I don¡¯t think they harboured sperm or otherwise functioned like a male¡¯s would. But still, I was able to see the twitches in her expression every time I gave them a slight squeeze. I centred my grip around the head of her cock, circling the head with my thumb, occasionally meeting contact with the sensitive part beneath the folds of the dick¡¯s skin. My other fingers began to lightly trace up and down the shaft, just barely meeting contact with the skin. I knew how incredible a light, barely perceptible touch could feel.

    ¡°N-No¡­¡± She finally responded after what was probably a minute or two.

    She turned her head to look at mine. Her lips were parted. She wanted to kiss. But I wanted to look into her eyes for a few more moments. Look at her expression. She was caving to my touch. Her eyes were glistening with love and adoration, and they were fixated purely on my gaze. She looked so soft. The stern look was gone. The pleasure had melted away all of her barriers, and I knew that I was looking at someone who truly cared for me.

    It was at this moment that I knew we would be together forever.

    I leaned in for the kiss, and she accepted my lips with willingness, perhaps even impatience. Our tongues locked together, and this time, I had a more equal part to play in our dance. I rolled my body on top of her, resting her head against the side.

    Whilst a hand of mine had reached up to run it through her silky blonde locks, my other hand was still holding her penis. It was beginning to burn to the touch. Between my legs, I also felt like I was on fire. As my hips lowered and lowered, I could soon feel the tip meeting with my slit. My heart stopped. This was really about to happen, wasn¡¯t it? I had always imagined our first time on her bed. I had imagined her with a pussy, too. But had I even really been imagining our first time at all? Did I really think we¡¯d ever reach the point of actual sex? Not just kissing and oral? Weren¡¯t those thoughts of mine, those nights spent in bed, trying to sleep, thinking about sex with Ayano¡­ Weren¡¯t those just fantasies, not plans for an actual reality?

    ¡°You won¡¯t get pregnant,¡± She broke away from the kiss to say.

    Oh, Ayano. I thought I was the silly one¡­

    ¡°That¡¯s the last thing on my mind. I love you¡­¡±

    I needed to let her know just how much I meant that as I lowered my hips down all the way. For a few moments, I didn¡¯t even realise it had entered. But it was there. Her member, all the way up in my pussy. It was so large that I thought it might be painful. Since it was my first time, I thought I might bleed, perhaps even frenzy from excitement. At the very least I thought it might hurt just a little bit. But it didn¡¯t. Not one bit.

    I had full control over my body. I gripped her cock with my pelvic muscles even more tightly as I began to move, ever so slowly at first, bobbing up and down on top of her, my ass raising up into the air and above the water, just the tip inside of me, before slamming back down again with a splash of the water, completely enveloping her penis.

    I wrapped both of my arms around her head and began to kiss her frantically as the pleasure built and built, seemingly with no end in sight. It just seemed to get better and better with each passing moment, we became more and more comfortable, the dance got more intense, the movements of my hips became faster and faster. I was already addicted. I couldn¡¯t believe that this was what real sex was like. This is what I had been missing out on? This connection, this warmth, this intense pleasure? This feeling of being exhausted yet being unable to stop? This intoxicating feeling of acceptance?

    There was no higher purpose to existence than this. My entire life had been a question of whether I would languish in torment or reach this bliss.

    It was as though our bodies had fused together, I couldn¡¯t tell where she ended and where I began. I felt like I might rip her cock off from its base every time I pulled away, but I never did. I loved it. I wanted it inside me forever. But this session, at least, seemed like it was about to end. The pleasure inside me was reaching a limit. I was groaning loudly, and so was she. We broke the kiss because we were each being too loud, I leaned away from the body and sat upright as I began to slam my hips down onto her member in full force, I wanted it to hit my deepest spots quickly and fast. My movements became a blur, I could hardly see what was happening in front of me as my head bobbed up and down, and after a few seconds of this, it happened.

    A supernova erupted from deep within me, lighting up the darkness within my poor lonely soul and spreading all across my body in an inferno of pleasure. Starting in my pussy and my brain, and spreading all across my body, from my breasts to my feet to the tips of my fingers. I fell limp on top of Ayano and closed my eyes.

    ¡­

    The next thing I knew, I was no longer in the bath. Both of us dripping wet, Ayano was carrying me in a bridal position out of the bathroom and towards the bed. I was swiftly tossed onto it. It seemed she didn¡¯t care whatsoever about keeping it dry. I turned to look back at her. Gone was the timid Ayano who had been so afraid to show me her penis. Now, I was looking at a sex goddess, and she wanted me. More of me, to be exact. She had this triumphant smile, and eyes filled with lust. It was almost terrifying just how different her demeanour was. I rolled onto my back, spread my legs, and reached out my arms. She shook her head.

    ¡°All fours. Bark for me.¡±

    ¡°... Arf!¡±

    I did as I was told. I rolled over and got on all fours, presenting my ass to my Princess. She knelt behind me and, without further adieu, she was already inside me. Except¡­ Ow, wait, wasn¡¯t that the wrong hole?

    ¡°T-That¡¯s my ass!¡±

    ¡°Do dogs speak?¡±

    ¡°Arf! Arf Arf Arf!¡±

    I quickly adjusted my body to accommodate this. Not just to make it less painful for me, but also to ensure that the passage was squeaky clean. Benefits of being a Monstra, I suppose. I wasn¡¯t used to my anal passage being so thoroughly abused by such a large and magnificent- Oh god, I could hardly do anything except think about and worship that cock that was dominating me so effortlessly. I had felt in control in the bath, but now? It was obvious that I would be her bitch forever. I may never see her so vulnerable again, at least not during sex.

    That was fine with me, though. She was doing all the moving, and the best I could do was endure, head slumped against the duvet, buried in the mattress, as my prostate was hit over and over again, causing an altogether slightly different feeling of pleasure to begin to well up inside of me.

    ¡°No falling asleep on me, now!¡±

    I was far from sleep, but, perhaps having my head against the bed was something she disliked. She grabbed my arm and my hair with each of her hands, and began to pull on them. This hurt, especially the hair, but¡­ God did I like it.

    ¡°A-Arf¡­! Degrade me¡­! Arf Arf!¡±

    She said nothing to that. She just continued to slam into me. I came, just from anal stimulation. So did she, since I soon felt a wet and creamy substance explode inside of me, and it wasn¡¯t long before I could feel it leaking out of my anal passage. Apparently, my vaginal passage was too dry for her liking, as before I had even really had a chance to recover, she was once more buried inside my pussy. Holy crap. It felt even better when I was still sensitive from the last orgasm.

    I lost track of time as Ayano just kept going and going. We didn¡¯t move from this one sex position. For hours and hours, we stayed in doggy style, Ayano moving me back into place if ever my limbs gave out from exhaustion or sheer pleasure. My barks turned to moans, which eventually turned into hoarse gasps of air. My ass and pussy were both starting to feel sore, but it never stopped feeling good. What had started as loving and wonderful in the bath had become indulgent and needy. We had both needed the opportunity to completely and utterly overdo it, Ayano especially I think. How long had it been since she had last had the opportunity to have sex this rough, and for this long?

    I had started the night a virgin, and by the time it ended, I probably had over 30 orgasms under my belt. Although it was still dark out, a tiny sliver of light was beginning to creep in through the windows when Ayano finally stopped, collapsing onto the pillow. Without her needing to say anything, I shakily crawled between her legs and took her penis into my mouth. She wrapped her legs around me, and I lay my head on her thigh for comfort. It was nice to feel a bit of warmth from elsewhere on her body, after hours of feeling nothing but her cock and the rough touch of her hands.

    I focused less on sucking it, and more on licking it, dragging my tongue slowly across the shaft, stretching out time into long, loving seconds as I took my tongue from the base to the tip and back down again. It was languid and calm. This treatment wasn¡¯t going to make her cum, but it was the perfect sort of pleasure for her to experience as we each calmed down from that intensely lustful episode. She closed her eyes, and I think she fell asleep, but I kept going. Because I was growing more and more attached to this cock by the second. It had a powerful smell. Intense, yet feminine and sweet. I thought for sure that she must be using some sort of pheromone to manipulate my mind, to make me addicted to her cock. Because it had a depth of flavour to surpass any of Hugo¡¯s meals. It had a softer texture than any desert and it felt like it was continuously melting in my mouth, even though it never actually did. I liked having it in my mouth more than I liked having it in my ass or pussy. It was such a calm, warming, loving activity. I loved looking up to see Ayano¡¯s sleeping, satisfied face. I loved the way it felt. Being able to lick and suck on it as much as I wanted to for however long I wanted in whatever way I wanted. But most of all, I loved the fact that it was making her feel good. I wondered if she was dreaming of paradise right now?

    An hour or more may have passed by the time her eyes fluttered open. She looked at me right as I was swirling my tongue in circles around the head of her cock. She smiled and reached down to pat and stroke my head, running her fingers through my hair.

    ¡°... Can I ask you a question?¡± She suddenly said, the first word either of us had spoken in hours.

    I looked up at her and nodded as I dragged my tongue from the tip and down her shaft.

    ¡°Would you mind telling me what it was like, living with the Leywoods? In a bit more detail¡­¡±

    My expression darkened when she said that. Frankly, I thought she had made a bit of a mistake. I just wanted to suck her cock, and the thanks she gives me for that is that she wants me to remember my trauma? My big dumb traumatic life? Not to mention I¡¯d have to stop sucking in order to speak.

    ¡°Frankly, after the night we just had, I kinda don¡¯t wanna go thinking about that¡­¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m sorry Lilly, I just¡­¡±

    ¡°Hmm?¡±

    ¡°I lost control. Are you¡­ Afraid of me?¡±

    ¡°Oh.¡±

    Yeah, I didn¡¯t care about that. And I didn¡¯t know how to answer the question. I would have easily been able to escape if I didn¡¯t want the kind of treatment she had given me. That experience was nothing like my time with the Leywoods. I wrapped my lips around her penis and took it fully into my mouth. With my mouth filled, head bobbing up and down, I would have an excuse not to speak.

    ¡°Ngh¡­¡± She was clearly trying hard to endure the stimulation, ¡°Lilly, I just¡­ I wanna know about you¡­ I love and care about you and¡­¡±

    I released her cock with a big ¡®pop!¡¯ and rested my cheek against it, looking up at her.

    ¡°You feel guilty because I had a rough life, yet I¡¯m also just so goddamn sexy and fuckable that you can¡¯t resist, I get it.¡±

    ¡°... That¡¯s not the only reason I¡­¡±

    ¡°Hmm?¡±

    ¡°Nevermind¡­¡±

    Then don¡¯t bring it up! What else could you *possibly* feel guilty for, after fucking me so raw that I¡¯m guaranteed to be your cocksucking puppy sex slave monster girl maid thing for life? Feeling upset, I continued to suck and lick for a few more minutes as I processed my thoughts.

    ¡°... Tell you what¡­¡± I muttered.

    As I thought, I realised that if I got my mind out of this horny gutter, I could see why she would want to know more about me, especially given how she discovered and met me in the first place. I should feel flattered that she¡¯s interested in me, that after that experience she sees me as more than a sex object. Even though I kinda *wanted* to be her sex object. But there was something I was far more interested in than reliving that story just yet. She was going to have to give me more!

    ¡°... I wanna know¡­ Why you have this delicious thing,¡± I said, giving her penis another lick, ¡°I¡­ Might be wrong, but I don¡¯t think you were just born with this, right? There¡¯s something more to it.¡±

    ¡°... It¡¯s¡­ A long story, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°The longer the better¡­¡± I smirked, ¡°Even more time to suck it before it¡¯s my turn to pour my heart out.¡±

    ¡°... To be honest, Lilly, considering your condition¡­ Being a Monstra and all¡­ I actually did think you would accept it¡­That¡¯s why I showed it to you. But I didn¡¯t think you would like it *this* much¡­¡±

    ¡°After the night we just had? Being fucked so hard that my insides feel like jelly? Yeah, I¡¯m gonna love it after that.¡±

    ¡°Well, I¡¯m glad. But¡­ I don¡¯t really like it. I¡¯d rather have what you have.¡±

    ¡°... I know, Ayano. I get it. But I do love you how you are, and I want you to feel good with what you do have. Besides, you know well that I have issues with my own body¡­¡±

    ¡°Issues far bigger than my penis, I guess¡­¡±

    ¡°I dunno Ayano. I can think of few things bigger than this thing,¡± I said, giving it a playful lick.

    ¡°N-Not what I meant!¡±

    ¡°Hehe¡­¡±

    I gave the thigh I was resting on a kiss as I stroked her shaft up and down with my hand, looking up at her lovingly and expectantly.

    ¡°So. Let¡¯s hear it. This long story of yours. How did this happen?¡±

    ¡°... Okay. But you¡¯ll tell me about the Leywoods after this?¡±

    ¡°I promise. And now you know for sure that I can keep my promises!¡±

    ¡°... Okay¡­ Well¡­ You¡¯re the first person I¡¯ve ever told this¡­ But you might be the only person in the world who won¡¯t think I¡¯ve gone insane or something.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll believe you no matter how crazy it is.¡±

    ¡°Alright, then. Before I go into detail, here¡¯s the long and short of it- I was born male. I used an ancient magical artefact to enter into a parallel reality to become female. It didn¡¯t work as intended. I still have a penis, and¡­ I think using that artefact was what brought the Monstra to this world.¡±

    My jaw dropped, eyes wide. Holy shit. This was really *was* going to be a long story, wasn¡¯t it?

 Chapter 11- Ayano

    ~~~ 9 Years Ago ~~~

    As I woke up, the dream I had every night rapidly faded from memory. Sunlight was streaming in on my face, my handmaid, Julia, standing next to the curtains. I turned my head away from the light and hid beneath the covers, shutting my eyes to try and remember the dream, wanting to let it linger in my mind for just a few moments longer. Maybe if I focused hard enough, I would actually remember what it was I found so fascinating.

    But dreams only come to someone who isn¡¯t thinking.

    ¡°Master Lawrence, it is time for breakfast. It is your 18th birthday today. Many people are here to visit you. Some tardiness can be forgiven on most days, but you don¡¯t want to be late today.¡±

    Julia always spoke with this stiff, almost inhuman tone. As though she were some sort of a tool rather than a human. I pulled the duvet off my head, opened my eyes and looked at her. Silky brown hair. Green eyes. A blank, yet beautiful expression that I read as being either emotionless or otherwise inscrutable. An appealing maid dress, highlighting all her assets. She had often been the subject of my jerk off fantasies.

    Today, I was of legal age to have sex. And I had not only Julia, but an entire manor filled with beautiful, subservient maids.

    Perhaps this is what I had been dreaming about all my life. The moment where all my desires could be fulfilled. Yes. I would get through the boring social etiquette, and then, tonight, Julia would make me a man. That would fill what¡¯s missing in my soul.

    ¡°I¡¯ll get ready now, Julia. Go tell the others that I¡¯ll be down soon.¡±

    ¡°As you wish, Master.¡±

    Julia bowed, left the room, and closed my door ever so silently. The main reason I had dismissed her was because I didn¡¯t want her to see my morning wood. I had no clue why I should care. Although she had never seen my dick, she had seen it tenting through my pyjamas plenty of times. It was hardly embarrassing at this point. But I suppose today was a bit different.

    I stripped naked and headed into the bathroom. I should have been hurrying, but instead I stood there, looking into the full length mirror. I was thin, but muscular. I had hair all over my body, but the hair on my head was kept short. It was cut a lot when I was young, but even after I expressed a desire to let it grow, it never seemed to go past my ears. I inspected my scalp. Was my hairline receding already? I had no idea. I know that my father, the king, was completely bald by age 30. My stomach twisted at the thought of my beautif- Handsome brown hair ceasing to be.

    Then there was this lump. This twitching thing, standing to attention, unable to calm down, even though I wanted to focus on other things. It always stole away my attention, begging for release at what felt like all hours of the day. I mostly wanted to stop being a virgin just so that it would shut up for once.

    I was a prince. I had a good jawline. I had an athletic body, strong but not brutish. Apparently girls liked large dicks and mine seemed to be a decent size. It certainly *looked* large to me. Too large. I was surely the envy of all men in every department. Handsome, intelligent, educated, strong, gifted, wealthy, privileged, and surrounded by subservient sexy women. And yet¡­

    Why did I think I was ugly? Why did I feel no joy whatsoever?

    I sighed. There was no utility in dwelling on unresolvable things. I stepped into the shower, closing my eyes as the water and the soap washed over me. I caught a glimpse of a girl with long blonde hair. Was she who I had been dreaming about? Was she my dream woman? But Julia had brown hair. Again, no utility in dwelling on such questions. When I lose my virginity, I¡¯m sure everything will make sense.

    It has to.

    ~~~

    The day went by in a blur. It was supposed to be exciting for me. I was cooked a marvellous feast by old John, I got to eat my fill whilst performing my role for the nobles. I met new employees gifted to me by various nobles. A gardener named Lizzy, an apprentice chef named Hugo who was to take over from John when he retired. I was given exotic sweets and expensive clothing, ornaments and paintings. Every noble was trying harder than the last to give me a gift that would ingratiate me to them.

    I was mostly just upset that mother and father weren¡¯t there. Figures.

    I rang the handmaiden''s bell as soon as darkness fell and I was back in my room. Exhausted from the day''s proceedings. Julia soon arrived. She had a nervous, downcast expression on her face. It was the most emotion she had displayed in recent memory. She looked uncomfortable to be in my room at this hour, on this day.

    It was cute.

    ¡°... Bathe yourself in there. Then come on out and¡­¡±

    I trailed off, unsure how to finish that sentence. ¡®Be naked¡¯, ¡®don¡¯t bother getting dressed¡¯, ¡®you can wear a towel¡¯. I didn¡¯t exactly know how to communicate something like that.

    But just from looking at my face, she seemed to understand.

    ¡°Understood, Master.¡±

    She spent a while in there. I heard the water running, and then I heard her undress. My head was swimming with excitement and reservation in equal measure. I calmed my nerves by lying on my bed with a hot cup of tea and a book, though I could hardly read the words. I¡¯d been reading this novel for a while. It was recommended to me by a noble son who was about a year younger than me. It was just about a strong guy who travelled the world in search of strong opponents. I liked the culture and some of the character interactions, but the action scenes dragged on for chapters at a time. Plus, nearly every female character got raped or suffered an attempted rape, and the protagonist had to save the girl each and every time. They all fell in love with him, even if he left each girl behind when he went somewhere new. The sex scenes were perfunctory, but I think they were meant to be titillating. Was the protagonist who I wanted to be as a man? The only thing I understood about him was that he would leave the girls behind. A lot of them were annoying. Talking of marriage and kids so soon after meeting him. I¡¯d probably do the same thing.

    Besides that however, for the most part, I didn¡¯t connect to the story at all.

    Before Julia emerged, I put away the book and made a mental note to add it to the firewood pile at the next available opportunity. I got up out of bed and headed to the window, since I was liable to close my eyes and fall asleep if I stayed on the bed like that.

    ¡°Master, I¡¯m ready.¡±

    I wasn¡¯t sure whose voice it was at first. It sounded so timid, so¡­ Adorable. But as I turned around, there stood Julia, in nothing but a towel. Blushing. My heart pounded. My manhood throbbed with anticipation. We looked into each other¡¯s eyes. I knew what she was thinking. She couldn¡¯t believe this day had come. She couldn¡¯t believe she had to do this. She didn¡¯t even really want to do this. My handmaiden had been picked arbitrarily by someone who wasn¡¯t me, two years ago. I think she may have been picked precisely because she was known to be loyal and because she¡¯s only a year older than me. She might have been chosen specifically for this purpose.

    For the purpose of turning this country¡¯s future king into a man.

    When I looked at it that way, I was able to push my reluctance to the back of my mind. This was more important than what either of us wanted. I would be sure to treat her well. Make her want it. Besides, I wanted to know what it was I had been missing out on. What I had been dreaming about. What it was my biology had forced me to spend so much time thinking about, and what my penis begged for each and every day.

    I stepped towards her, running my hand through her hair. I had touched it before. But not in this sort of context. I could tell that she was trembling. She was afraid. This was her first time, too. Even if it wasn¡¯t, I think she would still have every reason to be afraid of this.

    ¡°When we¡¯re alone, call me Lawrence.¡±

    ¡°Master Lawrence, I¡­¡±

    ¡°Just Lawrence.¡±

    ¡°... Lawrence¡­¡±

    ¡°Good. Now¡­ Um¡­¡±

    There needed to be a bit of tension, right? I couldn¡¯t just go straight into it. Girls weren¡¯t like men. They weren¡¯t ready for action in a matter of moments. Sex was more than about two sets of genitals slapping into each other. It was emotional. Or something like that. I¡¯d only ever been given biological education. I had never been taught how to actually talk to women when I¡¯m in this situation.

    ¡°... What do you want from me?¡± I eventually asked.

    I was trying to sound seductive. But I think I just sound bored.

    ¡°L-Lawrence, I, um¡­ I really just wanna¡­¡± She glanced at the door.

    She wanted to leave.

    ¡°I want your lips,¡± I blurted out.

    ¡°W-What?¡±

    She blushed. Um. Do I keep going?

    ¡°I um¡­ I think about kissing you all the time. I think about your beautiful eyes, your face, your um¡­ Gorgeous hair, and your um¡­ Your b-breasts and t-thighs and ass and¡­¡±

    I was interrupted by her kissing me. The towel fell away. Her body was laid bare for me. It was my first time seeing a woman fully naked, in all her glory.

    My mind went blank after that.

    ~~~

    I dreamt of that blonde girl again. I remembered it vividly when I woke up the next morning. I sat up in bed only for my arm to brush up against something warm. Julia, in bed, sleeping next to me in a foetal position, face buried in a pillow as she clutched it with her arms and legs for dear life.

    Guilt welled up within me. She had technically consented, she had initiated with that kiss, and I remember it feeling good¡­ In fact, even now, I was still tingling slightly. But other than that, I still woke up feeling the same way as I always had. I got up out of bed, covering her with the duvet covers as I sat at my chair next to the curtains, sipping on a glass of water. But I didn¡¯t open the curtains just yet. I didn¡¯t want to wake her up with sunlight.

    The entire manor probably knew that I had fucked Julia last night, not that they would have heard us. But people here know. They gossip. They pay attention. It was the day after my birthday, too, so I wouldn¡¯t be given attention unless I asked for it. So I stayed in my room, beginning my usual morning routine once I had finished my water. The drink did nothing to abate this sinking, awful feeling within me. Nor did it go away during my morning shower, nor did it go away as I looked at my body in the mirror, which looked uglier to me than it had ever been. It was after I was out of the shower that I realised why she had kissed me.

    It was because listening to me was too unbearable. She accepted her fate, and just decided to get it over with. Before I had started talking like that, she might have been able to get away, but after I started talking about her in a sexual light? Her job, or even her freedom could be at risk if ever it was made known that she had rejected the advances of the crown prince. The heir to the throne.

    The knots in my stomach were twisting together more and more tightly. I went into my desk drawer and brought out a bundle of Grass. It looked like lots of tiny little green plants that looked a lot like regular blades of grass, bundled together tightly and tied together with some string. This was a potent, calming drug that one took by smoking it. It induced feelings of euphoria and relaxation, and I had had a few spiritual experiences with it before, on occasion. For the most part, it just got me out of my own head, and that¡¯s what I liked most about it. It was a pretty rare drug. It was harvested from very deep ocean floors, only growing in total darkness, away from the sun. Even though we called it Grass it was technically a type of seaweed. Only nobles could afford something so sought after yet so difficult to acquire. And even then, many nobles had gone into debt just to feed their addiction to Grass. I was lucky. I wasn¡¯t addicted, yet I could have it whenever I wanted. Which led me to having it at least 5 times a week, but hey, I could quit whenever I felt like it. For me, Alcohol was more of a social drug, and whilst I did drink, I wasn¡¯t very fond of the hangovers. Other drugs, such as opiates, were too intense and extremely addictive. I didn¡¯t touch those. All in all, Grass was the best. It calmed my thoughts, and even though it felt good I could still basically perform my normal human functions. It was simply the superior drug.

    I clicked my fingers to create a flame, and used it to light the end of the Grass bundle. I raised it to my mouth, inhaled, and let that salty, honestly pretty repugnant, vaguely fishy ocean flavour fill my senses. I already felt the effects kicking in by the time I had exhaled my first drag, filling the room with smoke. Normally, the tips of the Grass produced the most effect, the feeling weakening the closer it got to the roots. Smoking it until around the halfway point was usually the best. But today, I was willing to burn it right down to the nub, even if I risked burning my hand. I was safe against fire that I produced via mana, but that was it.

    It was after a few minutes of enjoying my smoke that I heard a knock at the door.

    ¡°Breakfast, Master Lawrence.¡±

    I wasn¡¯t sure who it was, I couldn¡¯t tell when her voice was muffled by the door. One of my maids, I supposed. Either way I waited until I heard her heading back down the stairs before I opened the door to find a tray of eggs, toast, bacon, and a pot of Selician black tea waiting for me. There was enough for two.

    So, it was then that I decided to open the curtains. Julia¡¯s eyes slowly fluttered open. For a few moments, she looked like she had no idea where she was. I was sitting at my desk, looking out over the manor grounds as I finished my bundle of Grass. I was going to finish it before I began breakfast. Julia scrunched up her nose.

    ¡°... Smoking, at this time of morning, Master?¡±

    I didn¡¯t even bother to tell her to call me Lawrence.

    ~~~

    Life continued on after that. For a few days, I continued to fuck Julia in the evenings, not really knowing what else to do with myself. Turns out, losing my virginity did not get my dick to calm down. In fact, it may have excited it even more. I found that Grass managed to keep my libido somewhat managed¡­ Although it didn¡¯t exactly stop me from having sex while high. So I quickly discovered that smoking right before we did the deed helped to keep me relaxed. My memories would also start to get a bit hazy after my second Grass bundle, and not remembering the deed helped to numb the guilt. One night, even though Julia was normally against drugs of any kind, she asked for a hit of Grass. I think she started to enjoy herself a bit more after that. I mostly forget what happened, but whenever I woke up sober in the morning, I¡¯d often find her hugging me in her sleep.

    But that only lasted about two weeks. Soon, I turned my attention to the other women in the manor, inviting them up to my room one by one on different evenings. In about a month, I had slept my way through about half of the manor¡¯s women in a drug fueled haze. The novelty was nice. Many of them were sweet, kind, and many of them tried to make it exciting for me. And in the moment, it kind of was. It felt nice to know that these women who had been working for me and interacting with me for years were kind of like my harem now. But sex just led to more sex. Much like how hunger led to more eating. I gave up on the notion that having sex would make me feel like a man. It didn¡¯t. I was still a boy. I also realised that, much as I wanted some kind of revelation that would explain my ennui, that I probably wasn¡¯t ever going to experience it. Revelations didn¡¯t really exist. And if they did, it was probably a trick of the mind. And realistically, if I was going to experience one, it wasn¡¯t going to be through sex.

    Yet, it wasn¡¯t long before pleasure seeking was all I knew how to do.

    Julia started hanging out with me in my room more often. On days where I wasn¡¯t busy, we would casually fuck throughout the day, one time we even tried doing it sober, but after the fact we both silently agreed that that was a bad idea. We also talked a bit about life and stuff. She explained that her mother was sick, and that she had voluntarily sold herself to the Belfonse family to pay for her mother¡¯s medicine. It was sad. But I didn¡¯t really know how to console her or offer advice, so whenever we had a serious conversation like that I offered her a bundle as soon as I ran out of words, which she happily accepted. I never talked about myself. I was the Prince, after all. She knew everything interesting that there was to know about me.

    I was high nearly 90% of the time. I was finally ready to admit that I had an addiction. I smoked at least one bundle a day. She had an addiction too, which I chose to enable. Much of my personal monthly budget went towards importing Grass to the manor. I sometimes wondered about how dangerous the job was. How underpaid it was, how easy it was for a worker to drown whilst harvesting the stuff. How many people got attacked by sea life, contracted hypothermia, or some type of strange deep sea disease. I thought about how they were suffering just for me, just to make me feel good, even though feeling good¡­ Well.

    It didn¡¯t make me happy. I don¡¯t think this sort of physiological pleasure made Julia happy, either.

    One week, the Grass delivery was running late. I was out of the stuff. It was supposedly arriving the next day, but for now, I would have to spend the day sober. I wasn¡¯t busy, so this would normally be a day where I would hang out with Julia in my room, but I don¡¯t think either of us wanted to spend any more time together than we had to unless we had Grass to share. So, instead, I walked around the manor, not even bothering to change out of my pyjamas and silk dressing gown, which I also wore most days. I mingled with people, conversed, kept up with current affairs. I wasn¡¯t exactly super involved with the runnings of the manor, nor with politics. Right now, the goal was to mostly keep me focused on my education. Since I was a gifted student, skilled as both a mage and as a scholar, which was very rare, I was mostly left to my own devices. So long as I submitted work to my tutors on time, I was free to do whatever I want. And as time passed, my deadlines were getting more and more generous. I¡¯d hardly done any actual academic work at all since turning 18, so fixated I was on my lusts and vices, having given up on the fantasy of ever figuring myself out.

    I was in the garden when I saw Lizzy watering the plants. She was about a decade older than me, mature in her demeanour, and we didn¡¯t seem to be each other¡¯s type, so I hadn¡¯t propositioned her for sex. But I happened to notice a big black smudge across her face as she worked.

    ¡°You decided to wear makeup on a workday?¡± I asked.

    She turned to look up at me.

    ¡°Oh, Prince! Hello! Unfortunately I um¡­ I had booked the day off to go to an event in Belfort today. But right after I had dolled myself up, it was cancelled! I was already late for work, but I decided to come right down anyway so that the poor maids covering my shift could take a break! But¡­ Yeah, because I rushed, I wasn¡¯t able to remove my makeup first¡­¡±

    I nodded my head. Made sense.

    ¡°Sorry to hear it got cancelled. What was it?¡±

    ¡°Oh, no worries at all! It was a plant exhibition! People dress up fancy and bring their best plants to the event, and you can enter into a competition! I was going to bring my Jishian orchid, but, unfortunately, the host of the event got sick, and also, there¡¯s been maintenance on the roads lately, meaning a lot of people wouldn¡¯t have been able to make it today anyway¡­ That¡¯s why deliveries have been late as well I think. Lots of traffic.¡±

    ¡°Yeah. Real shame.¡±

    There was an awkward silence between us. This was probably where I should bid her good day and leave her to her devices. I could also go tell her to clean her face, but knowing her, she would probably rather tend to the plants than worry about her appearance. I could even offer to help her out with the plants. But suddenly, that blonde woman I had been dreaming about flashed into my mind. I found the words leaving my mouth before I even realised it.

    ¡°... Is it a hassle, putting on makeup? Removing it and stuff?¡±

    ¡°Oh! Um¡­ Not really! It can take a bit of practice to do it quickly and still have it look nice, and it can be a hassle most mornings¡­ But it¡¯s not too bad! Why¡¯d you ask?¡±

    ¡°I dunno,¡± I responded truthfully, looking between the plants and her smudged face.

    This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

    More silence. Neither of us knew how to continue after that. But I didn¡¯t simply want to leave, either. I had forfeited my right to simply walk away.

    ¡°... I don¡¯t know much about it. Or about feminine stuff in general. Just kinda seems interesting.¡±

    ¡°... Lawrence, do you want me to show you?¡±

    My heart skipped a beat. Not even Julia could cause it to do that. I brought my hand up to my chest and looked down at my feet. I think I had turned red, but I wasn¡¯t sure why. It wasn¡¯t because she had casually called me by name¡­ That she treated me like a normal person was something I liked about her. No. Whatever the reason, I was excited about the makeup.

    ¡°... Sure. I have nothing better to do today.¡±

    ~~~

    I went up to Lizzy¡¯s room later that evening. She showed me removing her makeup, just so that I could watch her put it on again. I watched her through the mirror. It seemed like such a delicate process. I had never seen her with makeup before today. Most of the maids didn¡¯t wear makeup either, as it got in the way of work. I enjoyed seeing her pretty, if ordinary face slowly coming together, bit by bit. By the end, her eyes looked dark, seductive yet powerful. Her skin glowed. It wasn¡¯t too much- It was a subtle but powerful difference.

    ¡°... I like it. You look beautiful.¡±

    ¡°Aww thank you Lawrence! That¡¯s a kind compliment. How sincere is it though, hmm?¡±

    ¡°Sincerely? Very beautiful, ¡± I replied.

    ¡°Oh, direct praise from the crown prince himself! What an endorsement! Well, I hope it was interesting for you¡­ I can show you other types, this is just something simple, you know, you can try all sorts of different colours or apply it in different ways-¡±

    ¡°I um!¡± I suddenly interjected, rubbing my arm nervously.

    ¡°... Yes?¡±

    ¡°C-Could you¡­¡± Crap, I was blushing again, ¡°Could you do mine?¡±

    A big smile crossed her face.

    ¡°No need to be embarrassed. Noble men wear makeup all the time! I¡¯m not experienced with applying it for guys, but¡­ Hey, at least if we mess up, it¡¯ll just be between us, right?¡±

    ¡°Y-Yeah¡­¡±

    And so, Lizzy offered me a seat, which I promptly took. Watching my face in the mirror as it came together took what felt like an agonisingly long time, even though she probably spent only about five minutes tops. But it wasn¡¯t an awful experience. Far from it. Even as it neared the end, I couldn¡¯t tell what the final result would be. She applied some blush, gently used a pen to apply mascara to my eyelashes. Then she finally stepped away.

    ¡°It¡¯s very basic, but tadah! Whaddya think?¡±

    I finally got a complete look at myself in the mirror. I thought I might look very out of place, a man in makeup. But, weirdly, it fit. And¡­ Well, I¡¯d have to say that this was the least ugly I felt I had ever looked.

    I soon had another thought. I looked like the blonde girl. The one I had been dreaming about. Only not quite. It wasn¡¯t quite the same. My hair was still short, for one. But¡­ But I had finally had that revelation. That I had been dreaming about myself this whole time. A feminine self. Tears began to fall from my face, and soon, I was holding my head in my hands.

    ¡°L-Lawrence, Prince, Master! I¡¯m sorry! I didn¡¯t do *that* bad job, did I? I¡¯m sooooo sorry!¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± I mumbled.

    And that was where I left it. It wasn¡¯t long after that that I left the room, alone, not explaining myself to a confused Lizzy who hadn¡¯t deserved to be left without an explanation after she had done something so nice for me. I hid my face as I returned to my room, stepping into the bathroom, taking one last look at my face before washing off the makeup in the shower. I know that wasn¡¯t the proper way to do it. But I couldn¡¯t handle showing my emotions there. If I was too vulnerable, Lizzy may have realised that I didn¡¯t just want to be a prince who wore a bit of makeup. No. It was deeper than that.

    I wanted to be a woman.

    I went to bed alone that night. And cried. Finally cried for the first time since I was a young child. I was a boy, and I wanted to do something fundamentally impossible, cross biological barriers that couldn¡¯t be crossed, claim an identity that wasn¡¯t mine and that I didn¡¯t deserve. I¡¯d give up all the wealth and power and intelligence and women. I¡¯d be poor just to feel comfortable in my own skin. I didn¡¯t want people to perceive me this way anymore. I no longer wanted this pent up sexual energy that would never go away no matter how much of it I released.

    I realised just how shallow and vapid my emotional connections were. I wanted a hug. A real hug. And I wanted a friend, a real friend. Ultimately, I wanted a real lover, too. But¡­ After the way I treated Julia, and the women in this manor, did I really deserve a lover?

    ~~~

    The Grass shipment arrived the next day and I was high at the earliest opportunity. It was another day where I wasn¡¯t busy. Julia came up to my room without me calling for her with the bell.

    ¡°U-Um, Lawrence, hey¡­¡± She asked as I was smoking a bundle and actually writing down some academic work.

    ¡°Not today Julia, I¡¯m studying,¡± I simply replied without looking up at her.

    ¡°O-Oh¡­ Okay. Can I just have-¡±

    ¡°Shipment is in storage. You¡¯re welcome to grab a bundle or two from there.¡±

    ¡°T-Thanks¡­ See you, then¡­¡±

    And that was that.

    I didn¡¯t really see anyone at all for the next week, much less have sex with Julia or anyone else. Even when high, my thoughts were consumed with the unfairness of reality. I almost wished I could continue living in the ignorant bliss of my pre-revelation state, before I realised that I wanted the impossible.

    People in Selicia only cared about gender on biological lines. It was very firm and rigid, and honestly, that was how I had been raised. I had heard about people who called themselves transgender in Zeer. Men and women who proclaimed that they identified with the opposite gender, even though it wasn¡¯t their birth sex. They hammered on the difference between sex and gender. Gender is social, whilst sex is biological. You can be a biological man but have a female gender, was essentially what they claimed. A rare few identified as neither gender. You could even take hormones and have surgeries, and do all sorts of things to essentially ensure that people perceived you how you wanted to be perceived. There were even some magical procedures you could undergo if you went to a skilled enough mage or scholar, although truthfully, I wasn¡¯t sure how any of it worked.

    I had always laughed at it, too, but now I was sympathetic to it. Selicia¡¯s culture wasn¡¯t the same as Zeer¡¯s however. Transgender identities weren¡¯t considered valid. Nobles would often kill anyone who came out as transgender or even homosexual in their provinces, and I¡¯d usually hear about it months after the fact. Normally it would be kept a secret from the general population, but as Prince, these goings ons reached my ears. What would happen if I came out as trans? Would I lose my right to the throne? Would I be disowned by the Belfonse family? Not to mention, I¡¯m still into women. That would classify me as gay too, right? I¡¯d go from the most privileged position on Earth to one of the least privileged. Trans, gay, and¡­ Sadly, I had to admit that I lived in a patriarchy. There was a reason maids were more common than butlers. There was a reason butlers were fully clothed whilst women were expected to wear outfits titillating to the eyes. There was a reason why, even if you weren¡¯t owned as a slave or employed as a noble to essentially be sexy cleaners, you were still expected to be subservient to the husband.

    Selicia argued that ¡®degeneracy¡¯ was a choice. Even though I¡¯m sure many of the nobles were gay behind closed doors. Even though I¡¯m sure many people had figured out that they were upset with the sex that nature and medical professionals had assigned them at birth. I realised I had one of two choices. I could stay as I am, pretend none of these thoughts go through my head, and continue living life as a male as I always have. Or I could choose to transition, and lose all credibility. Possibly even face death at the hands of people who currently called themselves my allies.

    I was choosing between being miserable, and being miserable and probably dead.. I just¡­ I wish reality hadn¡¯t been so cruel to me. I wish I had been born a girl from the start. Born a Princess. If I had been, then¡­ Maybe¡­ Things would finally make sense¡­ I just wanted to look and feel beautiful¡­ I admired their fashion, their voice, the way they behaved, the way they thought about things¡­ I wanted to understand the female experience¡­ I wanted to treat women in a more human way¡­ I¡­ I knew that what I wanted was irrational¡­ That I could still grow emotionally as a man. But, looking within myself, I knew I was a girl at heart. Or at least, that I wanted to be one. That I could reincarnate hundreds of times and still want to be a girl each and every time. The more I pondered it, the less irrational it seemed. Humans wanted to fly, even though we didn¡¯t have wings. We wanted to swim, even though we didn¡¯t have gills. We wanted to create, even though nature hadn¡¯t told us to. To me, men and women seemed more similar to each other than humans were to birds and fish. I soon had to question if my discomfort with the thought of transitioning had more to do with my cultural upbringing than it did with actual logic.

    So it was that I abandoned my studies and my lusts to pursue the world of books. Over the next few months I borrowed about a hundred books in total from the manor¡¯s library. I searched for books about ancient legends, magical artefacts, and powerful spirits. Finding nothing useful in Selician, I picked up books written in other languages, and translated them myself. Still nothing useful. Nothing that seemed remotely like what I was looking for, most of what they actually did talk about didn¡¯t seem to be credible anyway. I don¡¯t even really know what I was looking for. An escape? A chance to redo my life as a woman? An ability to transition without being socially punished for it? I didn¡¯t really know. All that I did know was that I was too cowardly to transition via ordinary means. But I wasn¡¯t really expecting anything that could solve this predicament of mine to show up. However, after a while of mindlessly pursuing this, I eventually came to the conclusion that it was probably better to exhaust all my options first. Giving up would feel better if I knew I had tried everything in my power to succeed at this impossible mission of bending reality.

    It was about two months in that I finally decided to try translating a book that I had been putting off for a while. It was written in a dead language. Kivishi, I think. I had never studied it before. So I took a tome regarding the Kivishi language, which mostly could only guess at what words in the language actually meant, due to how ancient the civilisation is. The language had a strange, highly contextual ¡®alphabet¡¯ that barely felt like a real alphabet, and the writings in the language were highly inconsistent in sentence structure. Needless to say, I wouldn¡¯t merely be reading this book, I would be turning it into a project. I would be the first person uncovering the text in this tome in centuries, quite possibly. That raised my hopes that I would uncover some secret forbidden knowledge, on the other hand, even if there was something that could help me in here, there was a possibility that I wouldn¡¯t find anything even if it did contain forbidden knowledge. It was a complex language and it was a complex tome. There was probably a reason most people didn¡¯t try to tackle this, even though it had been in the possession of the Belfonse royal family for a long time now.

    Weeks passed. I barely showed up outside my room. Most of my meals were delivered to me. I didn¡¯t really speak to anyone. Night and day ceased to mean anything, I simply kept working until my mind and body gave out. I stopped bathing. I stopped smoking, even, finding that the Grass dulled my focus. But eventually, I found a passage that seemed interesting. Something about a mirror hidden on Mt Iron Head. I kept reading. Supposedly, the mirror would reflect someone''s ideal form. Then¡­ Something about a contract with a ¡®great one¡¯? It was possibly referring to spirits. I wasn¡¯t sure what the contract entailed, what you would have to pay and what you would actually get in return, but I was intrigued.

    Mt Iron Head wasn¡¯t really explored. Mostly because it was a volcano. Dormant, thankfully, it hadn¡¯t erupted in centuries, but the air was toxic and the terrain was dangerous, and it was home to powerful, dangerous, and possibly unknown animals. Back when the book was written, the volcano was apparently still active. Some crazy bastard decided to hide a powerful magical mirror within a volcano that was liable to erupt at any time?

    Even so, I knew what I had to do. I gave up on the tome for the time being as my thoughts became consumed with finding the mirror. So that¡¯s what I did. I organised an expedition. A month later, and I was sitting in a truck with about twenty other men and women, fighters, scholars, and mages alike, all trained for an expedition. I knew that they would be babysitting my inexperienced self, but I wasn¡¯t about to leave something so important to me in the hands of others.

    ~~~

    ¡°My liege. We¡¯ve been on this mountain for an entire week. Our supplies are running low. The animals here are dangerous and inedible. People are getting sick from the ash. We haven¡¯t found a thing. It¡¯s time to go. Even if there is something here, it¡¯s not worth our lives to try and find it.¡±

    I had forgotten the name of the man who came up to me to give me his opinion. I looked between him and the rest of the group, who were trailing behind us. Some of them looked determined. Others seemed to be pleading with their eyes, begging me to listen to him.

    ¡°... We knew that the artefact would be at the mountain peak from the start. If we don¡¯t get there in two days, we start climbing down.¡±

    That was my final decision. I turned away from them and continued climbing. Yes, the entire time, I had been thinking about how senseless it was to risk their lives and my own just for the sake of finding a mirror that might turn me into a girl. Even though it might not work, even though it might ask me to pay a price I¡¯m not willing to pay. It really did feel like coming out as transgender and ordering hormones and such would probably be more sensible at this point, even if I did get beheaded or something. But, I was here now, I had waited long enough, and I was going to see it through to the end.

    A day after my proclamation someone fell unconscious. I sent five people down who were reluctant to continue to bring him down, whilst the remainder of us pressed on. The air had been hot midway up the mountain, and the animals had been aggressive, but it rapidly got deathly cold as we approached the peak. At least we didn¡¯t encounter any animals in such conditions. We found a cave much sooner than we had been expecting. We dived in, simply assuming that it would serve as a brief reprieve from the harsh winds, and would be a good place to set up camp for some food and sleep. That is what we did. We made a camp. But soon, even though the others noticed it, I realised something was off.

    Writing on the walls, hidden by snow. Soon, I was running my gloved hands along the walls, much to the confusion of my crew, and I was trying desperately to remember the Kivishi language without the aid of my translation tome. But soon, I realised that I wouldn¡¯t have to.

    ¡°Ayano. Ayano.¡±

    I heard a voice speak that name, and my heart fluttered. Where had I heard that name before? It was¡­ Yes, a book I had read a few years ago. About Ayano and Marianne. It was the only book starring two girls I had ever read. I remember finding it so strange that it was about a lesbian couple at the time. I admired their love for each other. But I also found it strange that two people were even capable of loving each other that much. Was it even possible?

    ¡°Come here. Come here. Ayano.¡±

    ¡°... Anyone else hear that?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Your majesty, you¡¯re tired. You¡¯re hearing things. Seeing hallucinations on the wall. Have some food and get to sleep.¡±

    But I went in the direction of where the sound was coming from¡­ I placed my hand onto the snow covered wall, and my hand passed right through. There was no rock behind it. Mindlessly, I simply walked into the snow. It might have been a metre thick, but soon, I was on the other side.

    In the centre of a room made out of stunningly carved ice, sat a mirror. It was made of silver, its reflective glass surface perfect and unblemished. It looked like it had been made yesterday.

    ¡°Sir,¡± Someone said as they followed me in, but their breath was taken away once they saw what I was seeing, ¡°You guys need to see this,¡± they said.

    I stepped towards the mirror, and, finally, I saw my reflection. A woman. Long, blonde hair. Crimson eyes that looked so beautiful compared to my boring brown pair. She was wearing a regal military uniform, a sword at her hip, a red cape. Feminine, beautiful, and yet strong. The image shifted. Nightgowns. Dresses. Suits. I saw her as a child, and I saw her steadily age through the years until she was an old woman. Old, yet still beautiful. Still¡­ Me. What I wanted to be. I saw her wearing a crown. I saw Selicia behind her, and I got absorbed into the image. The population, living in harmony. No pain. No exploitation. Then suddenly I was young again, and I saw a woman at my feminine reflection¡¯s side. At first, I thought it was Julia. Brown hair and green eyes. But her hair had a slightly darker, more greyish hue to it than mine or Julia¡¯s, and, well, she didn¡¯t have a face. So I couldn¡¯t say for certain who she was. The girl wrapped her arms around the female version of me in the mirror. Her eyes turned purple. Dark tendrils emerged and wrapped themselves around me, until the surface of the mirror turned completely dark.

    And then it turned golden.

    I had no clue what it meant. I simply stared at it in awe, tingling with excitement. I could only imagine that the mirror didn¡¯t want to show me what it was offering for an extended period of time, lest I get lost in the reflection. Perhaps the girl I saw was whatever spirit was possessing this thing, telling me that I needed to pay the price it was offering, or else it would hold the ideal me hostage forever.

    ¡°Huh. Looks like it¡¯s busted.¡±

    One of the girls stood behind me, and folded her arms.

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t even reflect anything. It¡¯s just a glass surface. Still, it looks pretty fancy though. Pretty good find, huh?¡±

    I looked back at it. She was right, it was just opaque glass now. Had I imagined all of that? That couldn¡¯t possibly be the case, right? It seemed too real. I blinked and turned back to her. I had to keep myself together.

    ¡°... Right. Yeah. Let¡¯s get it back to the manor. I don¡¯t want to announce its existence until I¡¯ve studied it thoroughly. Whatever magic it was enchanted with may have run dry¡­ But if it¡¯s powered by arcane circles, I might be able to restore it to its former glory.¡±

    ¡°Seems a bit selfish, your majesty, but you¡¯re the boss.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s how it is with artefacts. Finders keepers.¡±

    ¡°Guess you¡¯re right. Well, I¡¯m just glad the trip is over with. We¡¯ll sleep here tonight then start carrying it down in the morning. It¡¯s been exhausting, but, can¡¯t believe we actually found this thing! Ain''t you a smart cookie, little Prince!¡±

    ¡°... Yeah. Thanks.¡±

    And that was that. I left it where it was for the night and returned to the cave to eat and sleep.

    ~~~

    A week later, when we arrived back at the manor with the mirror, I was immediately given an envelope by a very panicked looking Lizzy.

    ¡°Julia ran away while you were gone¡­ I-I think¡­ God it¡¯s just¡­ Lawrence it¡¯s been a week and we don¡¯t know where she¡¯s gone and we¡¯ve sent out search parties but she¡¯s such a feeble girl and she may have gotten lost or worse and¡­ Well, this envelope was found in front of your bedroom door and it¡¯s addressed to you, so, I think you should read it. We um¡­ Took the liberty of reading it, unfortunately, just in case it would help us find her. But it really should have been for your eyes only¡­¡±

    Lizzy left before I could say anything. I was exhausted from my trip, and what she had just dropped on me was a bit too much for me to take in. As the mirror was being carried up to my room, I sat on the front steps of the manor and gave it a read.

    *Lawrence. I¡¯ve been holding these feelings in for a long time now. I¡¯ve wanted to share them with you directly, but¡­ Talking to you can be so difficult and exhausting. I really liked you when I first came to work for you. You were awkward, but kind and considerate. I was abused when I was younger and¡­ I was told that I had to be very polite. To be honest, selling myself to save my mother wasn¡¯t that selfless¡­ Because honestly, I just wanted to get away from her. She¡­ Hit me a lot, when she was still well. Made me work to the bone, both at jobs in the village and around the house, whilst she did nothing to help.

    As your 18th birthday approached, I sensed a growing lust from you. That made me close up even more, anticipating a day I didn¡¯t want. It was¡­ Worse than I imagined it would be, when that day finally did arrive. I thought my life would be a living hell from then on. And¡­ It was. But ironically, even though your disinterest in my feelings, your casual use of my labour and my body, and your emotional distance was awful for me, I¡­ I steadily began to enjoy the sex we had. And¡­ I relied on you for Grass. Which I needed to numb the bad memories, and the feelings that were welling up and laying unresolved inside of me.

    I began to get jealous when you slept with other girls. But as we grew closer, I thought you were starting to develop feelings for me¡­ I waited for when you would show interest in my life, for when you would become someone I could truly trust and confide in, but then¡­ You began ignoring me entirely. Ignoring everyone. Focusing on your strange books and your strange studies. I had wanted to wait until you got back from your expedition, but¡­ I can¡¯t take it anymore. I can¡¯t see your face again. I can¡¯t be here. I¡¯m leaving the estate, picking a direction, and I¡¯m not looking back.

    I don¡¯t know where I¡¯ll end up. But I want to go on a journey. I want to escape this cycle of addiction that I have towards someone who is unhealthy to me, who supports my dependance on my vices and who I can¡¯t trust to be there for me when I need them. Because of you and Mom, I don¡¯t think I can trust anyone. Nobody here at the manor, nor anyone else. I know I should have spoken out more¡­ I also know that I shouldn¡¯t have expected you to shoulder all or even some of my burdens, but¡­ I¡¯m more afraid of you reacting badly to me trying to open up to you, or worse, not reacting at all. I want to preserve the fantasy, the slim chance that you¡¯d listen to me if I tried being vulnerable with you.

    But I don¡¯t believe in it. So, this is goodbye.

    Julia.*

    I headed inside and found Lizzy, who had been waiting at the entrance.

    ¡°Lawrence I-¡±

    ¡°How far have you extended the searches?¡±

    ¡°All across the estate sir, every inch-¡±

    ¡°Go further.¡±

    ¡°But sir we don¡¯t have jurisdiction to snoop around in other noble¡¯s territories-¡±

    ¡°I said do it.¡±

    My voice wasn¡¯t angry. At least, not overtly so. But beneath the cold way I said it, there was a quiet fury brewing. A fury towards myself.

    My orders were obeyed, and I secluded myself in my room for the next few days, working on the mirror. I wanted to get it to activate. I wanted to figure out what price I would need to pay, and how I would pay it. But¡­ In truth, I didn¡¯t care as much about the mirror as I did about Julia. I don¡¯t think I would have the strength to use it until I knew she was okay. How could I live a happy life as my ideal self, when I had ruined hers? I could have done so much more to help her. Make her feel special. But I was emotionally negligent for no good reason.

    Four days later, I received news. She had turned up dead in the lake, her corpse floating on the surface. Whether she had chosen to drown herself, or if it had been an accident, the result was still the same either way. She was dead.

    I curled up in front of the mirror, sobbing, but not crying as much as I wanted to. I wanted to be wailing at the top of my lungs, truly mourning a loss that had meant more to me than I ever could have known. But no. I was just. Sobbing quietly. As though something small and insignificant had happened.

    This was apparently the most emotion I could muster. I just. I just wished I could punish myself more.

    It was then that I felt a light on my face. Even though it was the middle of the night. I looked up to see my reflection again, reaching out a hand. Her crimson eyes gazing down upon me with a look of forgiveness.

    ¡°Ayano. Take my hand, step through, and become me. I am not reality. I am an idea. A false reflection. But with this mirror¡¯s power, that will be reversed. I will become reality. And you will become the reflection instead.¡±

    ¡°I¡­¡±

    ¡°Become me, and do what you know to be right. Become what you know to be beautiful and just.¡±

    It sounded so enticing. I sighed. I couldn¡¯t think. I¡­ I took her hand. I reached through the mirror, and took it. It felt like glass at first. But steadily, it became real. Warm, soft flesh.

    Then, suddenly, I was pulled through. I left this reality and ended up on the other side.

    ~~~

    I woke up, feeling a bit dizzy. Light was streaming in through the windows and onto my face, but¡­ Wasn¡¯t it coming from the wrong direction? Had my bed been flipped? But, as I opened my eyes, I realised that it wasn¡¯t the bed. All of reality had been flipped, as though I was looking into a mirror. I picked up the book on my bedside table, which was¡­The story of Ayano and Marianne. I flipped through the pages. Even the letters were reversed! I couldn¡¯t read anything! What was going on?

    Then, steadily, I realised that I had hair in my mouth. I had to spit it out. It was¡­ Golden. Silky. Long. And I was wearing a black nightie, and¡­ I had boobs! Actual breasts! I gave them a squeeze just to make sure they weren¡¯t fake. They were real. My hands dived down to my vagina that was surely there but¡­ What? I still had a¡­ Fuck, no, was I dreaming?

    I rushed out of bed, stripped naked, and went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I was her! I was¡­ Ayano, I suppose? But I had a dick! I looked like her in every way, but I still had this stupid thing! Still, at least it was¡­ Petite and feminine looking, and it wasn¡¯t erect right now like it was most mornings¡­ But still, this was a joke!

    I rushed out of the bathroom to look for the magic mirror, or my book that had told me about it in the first place, but neither were to be seen. It was as I was rummaging through my desk that I heard someone enter the room.

    ¡°Oh, Ayano, you¡¯re awake already? Are you alright? You look so silly, looking around for things so frantically like that whilst naked! Did you lose your hairbrush or something?¡±

    That voice was familiar, but¡­ It sounded way too chirpy. I turned around. And there she was. Julia, carrying a tray of tea into my room.

    ¡°W-What are you doing here?¡± I asked instinctively.

    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s your 18th birthday, so I thought I¡¯d let you sleep in a little and bring you some tea! Come oooon you didn¡¯t forget the conversation we just had, did you?¡±

    She giggled. She actually giggled. It was such a beautiful laugh. Julia didn¡¯t laugh. And I had never seen her smile like that, either. There was pure adoration in her eyes as she looked at me, walking towards me and placing the tea on my desk.

    ¡°Mmmm, I know! You were looking for a present to surprise me with! A toooooy perhaps? You¡¯re so naughty Ayano, you just turned 18 and you¡¯re already looking to do kinky things with me¡­ Isn¡¯t vanilla sex enough? I don¡¯t mind doing it right now, you know¡­ As special a time to lose your virginity as any, right?¡±

    I gulped. Was this really Julia? Was this mirror Julia? Was it really my birthday again? What was going on? Disorientated by this mirror dimension, I shakily got to my feet and stumbled onto the bed, crossing my legs and using my hands to hide my member.

    ¡°Embarrassed about your dickie? Don¡¯t worry, show it to me! You trust me with it, right? You told me all about it Ayano¡­ It¡¯s fine. I love you as you are. I consider it a birth difference, not a birth defect! I¡¯d love you regardless of whether you had a dick or a vagina. In fact¡­ Now that I can, how about I prove it by giving it a little suck?¡±

    My throat was dry. My head was spinning and I was getting a headache.

    ¡°... I feel a little ill, Julia. Please go fetch me a doctor.¡±

    ¡°Oh! Oh¡­ Um! Okay! Let¡¯s get you better so that you can enjoy your birthday to the fullest!¡±

    She reached over and gave me a peck on the cheek before hastily leaving the room.

    I never saw Julia again. Without talking to her directly, at the earliest available opportunity I gave Julia a lump sum of money and a good reference and fired her from service in the manor. She was gone in three days. She was a sweet, honest girl. She deserved a life that didn¡¯t involve me, the person who had sexually and emotionally abused her and had driven her to suicide in a different life. It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t deserve me, the person she wanted. It was I who didn¡¯t deserve a second chance with her.

    It was in a political meeting that I heard the thing that disturbed me the most about this new reality.

    ¡°Lady Ayano, we¡¯ve heard reports from Grisia and¡­¡±

    ¡°Grisia? Why would I care about Grisia?¡± I asked cluelessly.

    ¡°... Ahem, well, it seems you are a little tired today, Lady Ayano. Grisia is the country where the Monstra currently reside.¡±

    ¡°... And what¡¯s that?¡±

    Everyone in the meeting room looked at each other in bewilderment. Then, they explained it to me, and my heart sank.

    The Monstra didn¡¯t exist in my old reality. The mirror version of me had said that this world wasn¡¯t a reality, it was just an idea. So by traversing into this world, and erasing the old one¡­ I had given this planet I claimed to love a cancer that had retroactively been here for nearly a century before I was born. And even though I was now perceived as the woman I had always wanted to be, I hadn''t even been given a perfect body in return.

    Worse, I soon discovered that those old tomes and the mirror didn¡¯t exist at all. In fact, the Kivishi civilization apparently didn¡¯t exist in the historical records. I didn¡¯t exactly want to go back to the old reality, but¡­ Other than Julia being alive again, it seemed like the old reality had overall been a better place for the world. I supposed that the existence of the Monstra was the key price that I had to pay for this imperfect reward.

    I soon discovered why I was considered female even though I had a dick. I was assigned male at birth even in this reality, I had even been named Lawrence again. But as my body was examined further, it was determined that my body produced oestrogen and that I would go through a female puberty, minus the fact that I wouldn¡¯t go through menstrual cycles. When I was only a few days old I was hastily renamed to Ayano and raised as a girl, my dick being kept a secret from the public. Naturally, I went through a female puberty, and the rest was history. People liked me a lot more in this reality, largely because I had reportedly been a very happy child. I quickly had to piece together my history with other people, as the only memories I had were from my time as Lawrence. But some clever questioning and a few excuses quickly caught me up to speed. Thankfully, many of the people I knew were still the same, too, so my knowledge of others that I had gathered as Lawrence wasn¡¯t entirely worthless.

    One day I tried smoking Grass again. I coughed and spluttered, my head began to ache and some of my organs began to cry out in pain. I could still feel the effects, but it was hardly a worthwhile high given all that. I had to ban any and all Grass usage from the manor. Apparently the Ayano version of myself hadn¡¯t smoked it as heavily as I had as Lawrence, so I was pretty confused. Did the new body not have a tolerance for it, or was this just one more price that I had paid to the mirror? I didn¡¯t know. In any case, I missed the high, but I steadily began to appreciate the sober life bit by bit.

    Eventually, I trusted myself to start having sex again, and even enter into a serious relationship. Georgia was that relationship. But¡­ As we grew closer to one another, I began to develop a pit in my stomach. I thought back to Julia. I began to think that I hadn¡¯t really changed. I grew distant. Georgia grew frustrated. And eventually, I had to break things off, when I realised that, all these years later, I still couldn¡¯t trust myself. I didn¡¯t necessarily do anything bad to her, other than break her heart, other than get her hopes up only to crush them for reasons I couldn¡¯t possibly explain to her given the guilt, given the fact that nobody would believe I had come from a parallel reality. I didn¡¯t trust myself, but she loved me anyway. Because of that, she, too, had to go. I wanted her to stay on as my handmaiden, not wanting another person who was important to me to leave, but Georgia made the decision to leave of her own accord. Just another handmaiden to leave my service. It was cementing itself as a cursed position.

    Despite everything, I did all that I could to not let my self hatred consume me, no matter how much guilt I still harboured. I continued to study, I trained with magic and with the sword, I studied up on world affairs and became politically involved, stepping up to take over for the Queen when father died and she fell ill, even though I had not officially ascended to the throne. I wanted to make sure the people of my country could live in a more free, just, and egalitarian fashion. Above all, I vowed to destroy the Monstra.

    After all, it was my responsibility to make things right.

 MM Chapter 12- Lilly

    Early on in Ayano¡¯s story, I stopped sucking her dick and moved up so that I could lay beside her, taking her into an embrace. It was the best way I knew how to comfort her when she was opening her heart to me. Knowing that I had a picture of that lake hanging outside my door made me feel a little sick, thinking about what had happened in it in some other reality.

    When she finished, I offered her a quick kiss on the lips.

    ¡°... I believe every word you just said, Ayano. And I¡¯ll be by your side forever. I¡¯ll support you. I¡¯ll help you make the world a better place. I¡¯ll help you defeat the Monstra. I¡¯ll help you bring peace¡­ I¡¯ll make you feel loved and¡­ Help you love yourself¡­¡±

    She turned to plant a kiss on my forehead in return, wrapping her arms around my head and holding me close, stroking my hair.

    ¡°... Thank you, Lilly. It¡¯s your turn now.¡±

    I was still a bit reluctant. But I couldn¡¯t exactly say no to opening up after Ayano had just done so herself. Besides¡­ Whilst I couldn¡¯t have ever guessed her history, she probably understood the gist of mine.

    ¡°... Okay. I¡¯ll tell you about just what sort of life I led as a slave to the Leywoods¡­¡±

    ~~ Three Years Ago ~~

    I wake up to the lingering feeling of that violent red taste on my lips. A sliver of sunlight is peaking in through the window, separated by the rusty bars of my cage. My eyes flicker open. A rotten reality assaults each of my senses. I close my eyes again. I want nothing more than to be unconscious forever, even if I dream of nothing but contextless pain, and try to pretend that it¡¯s pleasure.

    But the fact is, I¡¯m awake. I can notice the smell of shit assaulting my nose. I can hear my own haggard breaths. Feel the cold chill on my body on this otherwise hot summer day. I can look down and see the rags I¡¯m wearing that can barely be called clothes. Feel my stomach rumble as I look at an empty dog bowl, and hope to high heavens that I¡¯m actually fed today. If I was human, I¡¯d be diseased, feeble, and unable to move. But even in this sorry state, the mana I feed my body keeps my dirt and faeces covered body otherwise pristine, healthy, and beautiful. It¡¯s all I can hold on to. No matter how much I¡¯m suffering, I¡¯m still beautiful.

    I curl up into a ball and shiver for warmth, hoping the sunlight will heat the stone I¡¯m laying on just a little bit, but the sun only peeks in directly through the narrow window for a few hours around noon. Finding new positions to lay in, trying to stay warm, and fantasising about the various things that might lead to me finally escaping, or that I might do once I¡¯m free, were the only things keeping my mind occupied and sane throughout any given day.

    I didn¡¯t exactly have ways to keep track of time, trapped in this basement. I couldn¡¯t tell the difference between sleep and waking, dreams and reality, but even if I did manage to catch some extra sleep, I still felt permanently exhausted. At one point I looked at the bowl to see that it was filled with food. Raw rat meat, as usual. It was sizzling in that afternoon sun. I suppose I had passed out, because I hadn¡¯t noticed anyone bring it in. Of course, I eye it hungrily, and, in stark contrast to my usual lethargic state, I pounce on the bowl, lunging for it as though it might be snatched away from me at any moment. I contort my face and unhinge my jaw, growing countless rows of teeth as I devour meat in one go. The tough, unpleasant meat that tastes vaguely of sewage is grinded up in an instant right down to its atomic components. Tasting it as little as possible is the only way to enjoy the meal. I would eat it normally in my human form, just to give me something to do. But anytime I¡¯ve tried to do so in the past, I simply vomit up the rancid meat a few hours later, and I feel even hungrier. And I get punished for the crime of being ungrateful for my food.

    After eating, I¡¯m still hungry. I want to eat the bowl too, but I¡¯m not allowed. I want to break these pathetically feeble bars and escape, but I¡¯m not allowed. The physical confines are not what is keeping me physically put. The slave contract is creating a sort of invisible barrier. You could leave me in an empty open field and I would still be just as trapped. When I first became a slave, I felt comfort in such restrictions. I signed it when I was but a child in the orphanage, the town I was living in being desperate to get rid of me, knowing what I am. Gloria, visiting the Orphanage looking for children to raise into servants of the Leywood estate, seemed like a nice lady to my naive self back then. Since I was hated and maligned by the community for what I was capable of, my young brain thought a slave contract seemed like a good idea, so that I couldn¡¯t hurt anyone. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I had killed her back then.

    I¡¯m eventually pulled away from my memories and lamentations as I notice that the light has turned orange, and I try to imagine the beautiful sunset that I¡¯m missing out on. I¡¯m drifting off to sleep as I hear someone enter. I immediately sit upright and sit on my knees in a respectful pose before she can see me. I need to be obedient and polite, otherwise I¡¯ll be punished.

    Gloria Leywood enters the light and stands in front of my cage. She¡¯s wearing a regal black and gold trimmed poofy dress that I¡¯ve never seen her wear before. She¡¯s wearing a silver butterfly brooch and several silver hair clips in her beautifully dyed purple hair. Her pretty face is dolled up to look even more pristine. Powder to make her skin look as white as porcelain, and heavy eye shadow. She looks the part, but there¡¯s a look of disgust on her face. She pinches her nose and unfurls a fan in a futile attempt to waft away the scent.

    ¡°You have a fight tonight, Lilly. Same thing as always. I have not the faintest clue what they will throw at you, but best of luck, hmm? I have some good news for you as well¡­ Father wants to send you out on a hunting party. Apparently, a *cyclops* of all things has been tracked to a certain forest¡­ A Cyclops, it¡¯s incredible! I thought those only existed in story books!¡±

    I remained silent. I was not to speak unless asked a direct question.

    ¡°So¡­ In a week''s time, you will be sent out on that hunting party, and Father is taking me to the capital in order to socialise with the nobles. You¡¯ll have quite a lot of freedom, hmm? Well, even though it goes without saying, I am going to give you direct orders to not try to escape, to not harm anyone, and to obey the leader of the hunting party unconditionally. Understood?¡±

    ¡°Yes Madame Gloria.¡±

    ¡°And what do you say?¡±

    ¡°Thank you Madame Gloria for your generosity and kindness. Thank you for blessing your filthy dog¡¯s presence with your beauty and grace. I shall fight hard tonight and bring you honour and wealth. I shall behave at the hunting party.¡±

    ¡°Good mutt. Now, I must be going, as I cannot stand it here a moment longer. Hopefully they can give your cage a proper clean out whilst you¡¯re gone¡­ Now, before I go, is there anything else you want?¡±

    I want food, freedom, a bed, good sleep, romance, friends. I want to remember what joy feels like. But I don¡¯t say any of those things. Because I can¡¯t. There is only one answer I am permitted to give to this question.

    ¡°... I want to kiss your feet, Madame Gloria.¡±

    !!!!!!!!!!!!

    ¡°Such a needy little bitch, aren¡¯t you? Well, you are my beloved pet, so I suppose I can spoil you.¡±

    It¡¯s always the same routine. She slips off her shoe, revealing her bare foot, and opens the forever unlocked cage, stepping inside and placing her foot in front of me. I bow in thanks and bend low, remaining on my knees as I arch my back to learn down and place my lips to her feet. They¡¯re admittedly beautiful, unblemished. But they¡¯re still feet, and I don¡¯t have a particular love for them. Even still, I place a kiss on it, as lovingly and as tenderly as I would on a real lover¡¯s lips. Through her foot, I feel her shiver with ecstasy.

    ¡°It might be a while before we can have some fun again¡­ I was going to leave right away, but¡­ Lick them¡­ Love them like you normally do, Lilly¡­¡±

    When she actually says my name, that¡¯s when I know she¡¯s horny. My tongue extends outwards and begins to lick, I offer long strokes across the foot and her ankle, planting kisses all over as I do so, and even on her heel. When I reach the toes, I begin to suckle on them individually, wrapping my tongue lovingly around them.

    As soon as I finish sucking on the little toe, she draws her foot back, and I know what¡¯s coming next. She kicks me. Then she kicks me again. She¡¯s a physically weak person, so normally, it wouldn¡¯t hurt. But her use of the slave contract has programmed me to be sensitive to her touch. The pain is agonising beyond belief, as though she had struck me with a red hot metal brand. I scream out in pain, keel over and began sobbing as the pain courses through every muscle, every vein in my emaciated body. She¡¯s panting heavily, biting her lip, I can tell she¡¯s on the verge of climaxing.

    ¡°What do you want next, Lilly?¡±

    ¡°... Step on me, Madame Gloria.¡±

    And so she does. Harshly. Her foot comes crashing down on my head, forcing my face into the dirt covered stone. I cry out in even more pain.

    ¡°Is that all you got, my pet? Am I not showing you enough love? FEEL MORE!¡±

    She snaps her fingers, which is the signal that causes my body to release every chemical reaction meant to facilitate pain. It drains the dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin from my system, anything that would make me feel joy, anything that would bring me the slightest bit of comfort. I¡¯m drained of everything as stress chemicals and hormones flood my brain, my body feels like it¡¯s burning in a lake of lava, it¡¯s entering my mouth, filling my throat, replacing my blood. It¡¯s like I¡¯m living through hell itself.

    I scream at the top of what remains of my lungs, ear piercing wails that would surely be heard all across the Leywood estate. But nobody will bat an eyelid. I fall backwards, curl into a ball, and vomit blood. My throat turns hoarse as my body can no longer sustain my screams, I begin to choke on my blood, snot and tears completely obscure my vision. I empty my bladder and bowls right in front of her. I can hear her moaning. I know she¡¯s not touching herself- She doesn¡¯t need to.

    As we each calm down, I begin whimpering as the pain gradually subsides, and she begins laughing.

    ¡°Hope you are still up for the match tonight! My my, that was better than usual! Someone will collect you in about an hour. See you in the ring!¡±

    With that, she slipped her shoe back on and walked away. I simply lay there in a congealed pool of my shit, piss, spit, and blood and begin to silently cry, praying for the pain to go away and for some semblance of joy to return.

    My thoughts drift to Gloria. Her beauty. Despite myself, despite the fact that I hate her so much¡­ I imagine her naked. I imagine what it would be like for us to hold each other in our arms, to caress each other, run our hands through each other¡¯s hair and across the curves of our skin. I imagine her apologising to me and treating me nicely¡­ I imagine us fucking each ever so slowly, ever so lovingly¡­

    ¡­ Then I imagine fucking her not so lovingly. About putting her on all fours and assaulting her every pathetic orifice with tentacles. I imagine spanking her and inflicting tenfold the amount of pain that she ever inflicted on me! I imagined being the monster that I really am, the demon, punishing her for putting me through so many years of torment, for trapping me inside this eternal hell, this pointless torture meant only for her pleasure. I shook with rage. Rage at the fact that I wanted her to treat me well when she didn¡¯t deserve my love and kindness, rage at the fact that I had it in me to be so vengeful to another person. I was afraid of what I might do to her and the world if I was ever set free. I didn¡¯t want to harm other people, but when I was this angry, when I was this frustrated and felt this helpless, I wanted to do nothing else but set this entire fucking world on fire and prove that *I* am the Queen!

    I tried to calm myself down by taking solace in the fact that she¡¯s a freak who has probably never experienced any sort of normal intimacy in her life. I doubt any of the other nobles, or even her own family actually likes her as a person. She¡¯s probably still a ¡®virgin¡¯, in a technical sense, even though she¡¯d freely be able to fuck me whenever she wants. No. My suffering is all she needs to feel sexual pleasure. This is her fetish, her sexuality. A sadist down to her very core. Any joy I feel would directly take away from her own pleasure and her own sense of authority and self worth. That¡¯s why I¡¯m in these conditions, in this useless cage. She doesn¡¯t want a cat she can pamper at the foot of her bed, she wants a bitch who lives out in the dog house, who she can make miserable. The fact that I¡¯m powerful and naturally pretty probably makes me even more enticing for her to own and abuse. My body is unbreakable, which is irritating to her ego. She no doubt envies my power. On the other hand, being unbreakable does have a benefit to her. Because I¡¯m a toy that she can abuse as much as she likes. Anyone else in my position would have died from this treatment. But I can¡¯t.

    She probably hurt me this much because I¡¯m going to be free soon. Free from the arena and this cage. I still had to fight, I still wouldn¡¯t be able to run away or make my own decisions, but¡­ It would be fun. And maybe if I did well, her Father would force her to let me do more useful things for the estate! So I vowed to impress. Not that some pathetic cyclops would be a match for me anyway.

    But first was the arena. Before I knew it, someone was coming inside to take me away. Good. A proper fight with something powerful was the endorphin rush I needed right now.

    ~~~

    The ring in question was a large basement beneath the Leywood estate, a construction larger than the manor itself. There was a tunnel in the woods that led down into it, though I had to imagine that for the guests who would be watching me fight, there was probably a much nicer entrance within the manor itself. As was routine, I was taken into a large, dark room filled with chains and shackles, likely having been designed with the intention of keeping dangerous beasts captive. I was stripped of my rags, not that they really covered me up anyway. I didn¡¯t exactly need armour or weapons to fight, so I imagined that the viewers liked seeing a gorgeous young naked girl brutally dismantle a monster with nothing but her bare hands. I was hosed down with freezing cold water to clean me off with a force intense enough to leave a stinging sensation on my skin. I still hadn¡¯t recovered from Gloria¡¯s brutal assault. It was actually somewhat refreshing after what I had just been through.

    It was after this that I was dragged into the arena, a pit with a floor dusted with sand, brick walls rising high into the air, atop which was a circular seating area from which the nobles watched me, extravagantly decorated with silver lanterns and gold trim and velvet red seats and gorgeous flowers, a thin layer of clean reinforced glass separating them from the carnage that was soon to unfold below them.

    Naturally, they knew of my reputation. Even if it was their first time seeing me, they knew that there was no chance in hell that the other monster, whatever it was, was going to win. Rumours about me were whispered around Selica among the noble class, although I had to imagine that I was kept a secret from the crown. And if the crown did know about me, then I hated their guts for not trying to rescue me, or at least not trying to wrestle me away from Gloria so that they could utilise me for something more meaningful than dog fights meant only to profit the Leywood estate.

    I saw Gloria high above the crowd, in her own separate booth, and she took to a microphone and began addressing the crowd. ¡®Thank you all for gathering here today blah blah blah¡¯. Some joke that got them all to laugh, a lewd comment meant to degrade me, the usual stuff. I hated this part the most. She always said the same sort of things and always took joy in it, no matter how repetitive it was. I just tuned her out until she announced what I would be fighting.

    ¡°... And so, without further Ado¡­ We have a very special beast here today. Alchemically created in Jishia¡¯s top labs and secretly shipped here to Selicia, today we have Lilly vs¡­ A Chimera!¡±

    Oh. Another one. The gates on the opposite side of the arena from mine opened, and out it came. A beast the size of a small house with multiple heads. A lion¡¯s, a goat¡¯s, a serpents, a dragon¡¯s, and what appeared to be a dinosaur. A Tyrannosaurus Rex, I think they were called? Its feet were that of a wolf¡¯s, it was covered in sturdy fish scales and it had a scorpion¡¯s tail. I had to admit, it looked intimidating. It was twice as big as the other Chimera I had fought, and it seemed to have some extra features to make it more dangerous! Like, I hadn¡¯t seen the dragon¡¯s head before. They must have paid a pretty penny to acquire dragon DNA, considering dragons only existed on Grisia, and the Monstra made them go extinct.

    As someone with Monstra blood in her veins, I saw it as my mission to carry on that legacy and slay dragons, even though I didn¡¯t exactly believe in carrying on the legacy of anything else the Monstra did and continues to do. I smirked. Yeah. I could have some fun with this. No showboating. I was going to go all out!

    However, I couldn¡¯t begin until Gloria gave the word to begin the fight. So for now, my feet were rooted to the spot. It, however, was an animal, and did not have to abide by a slave contract, so it began to prowl towards me, ready to pounce at any moment. My blood was boiling, eyes purple, veins visible as I prepared to explode at any moment. Venom began dripping from the snake head, which it spat in my direction¡­ It missed me entirely, but I think that was intentional, as the venom landed all around behind me, a hissing sound emerging as steam rose from the sand and brick behind me. I wouldn¡¯t be able to retreat, or so it thought. Even so, this move suggested that it possessed some sort of intelligence¡­ It had 5 heads after all, so possibly five brains, so that only made sense. It also seemed to realise that I was more of a threat than I looked. It could probably smell my Monstra blood.

    I saw the dragon head¡¯s throat begin to glow, and I could hear a rumbling sound as the flames built up in its throat. It was moments away from spewing fire all over me. I looked up at Gloria. She was silent, smiling as she looked down impatiently. Yeah. She was going to let this thing get in the first attack. Figures. Oh well, it would need the handicap.

    ¡°Aaaaaaaaaannnddddd¡­¡± She drew out the word, and it was followed by a long, drawn out moment that probably only lasted a second or two.

    Its flames were unleashed on me. My body was swallowed in the scorching hot flames, my hair and skin singed off, exposing flesh and bone. Thankfully, as painful as it was, the spectators wouldn¡¯t have to see me reduced to such a hideous form. Girls without their skin weren¡¯t in fashion, after all.

    ¡°Fight!¡±

    Finally. As revenge for letting me get burned, I decided that I would end the fight quickly, and end the spectacle. In an instant, my body transformed, rising up as high as the ceiling of the basement as my purplish black sludge-like form absorbed all the flames being spewed at me like it was a slightly spicy snack. I grew hundreds of tentacles across my body, which were glowing a yellowish colour as I channelled the heat into them. I smashed them into the Chimera, restricting it by wrapping tentacles around it, thrusting some smaller tentacles beneath its scales, burning and piercing its skin, allowing the suction cups on the tentacles to begin draining its blood. Each of its heads cried out in unison, and I allowed thousands of teeth and a mouth to form near the top of my body, and flashed a mocking, toothy grin at the creature and at my audience.

    Just by squeezing it tightly, I think I had already broken its ribcage and probably many of the bones in its legs. But the heads were thrashing about, biting at me, the goat was uselessly ramming its horns into me, the snake trying to spit more venom at me even though I had kept it and the Dragon head¡¯s jaws tightly shut with a tentacle each.

    It would be dead soon, really, it was prey from the beginning, and it didn¡¯t stand a chance. Its attempts to fight back were futile, each of its attacks merely tickling me. I began to laugh. I formed an eye at the top of my body and looked down at Gloria, who was utterly fuming, completely red in the face, no doubt upset that the fight had been so one sided. Normally she liked seeing what was essentially a brutal, public execution of an innocent animal, but it seemed that she had really wanted a fight this time. Poor girl. She probably thought I was going all out against this creature. She had no idea what I¡¯d be capable of if it weren¡¯t for the restrictions of this contract¡­ I could break out of the basement, for one, grow as big as her manor and slaughter everyone in the estate in under two minutes!

    But, alas, I wasn¡¯t even allowed to touch the glass, let alone break it, lest she or the audience perceive the mere act of touching the grass as an aggressive act towards them on my part.

    So distracted with my own thoughts and my own ego, I had failed to notice something, however. The scorpion tail, which I had failed to restrain, swiftly reached up to prick me with its poison. No big deal for me, it was but a needle, and its poison could do nothing to me. Gloria knew this. But she saw an opportunity. Hiding her hands, she clicked her fingers. The audience wouldn¡¯t hear it over the din, but¡­ I would. So, for the second time that day, searing pain began to erupt all across my body.

    First, smoke began to emerge from my body, and I had to create about ten mouths just so that I could cough and choke. Then, before I knew it, the dragon¡¯s fire erupted from my body, setting me aflame. Each of my mouths began to wail out in agony, tongues detaching from me and trying to wriggle away like worms, new tongues growing in their place in order to be able to fully express the screams I needed to scream. The Chimera began to bite and claw its way through the tentacles, which also detached, slithering away to the corners of the arena only to be burned in the venom the snake head had left at the start of the fight.

    It was agony all over, and I had lost all strength and all control over my body. Soon, the Chimera had pounced on top of me, each of its heads savagely tearing and ripping at my slimy body.

    ¡°... It seems that not even a Monstra is immune to the effects of the poison administered by a scorpion¡¯s tail! The alchemists who concocted it ensured that it would be the most deadly poison known to man! Have we finally discovered a weapon that not even the Monstra can beat?¡±

    Normally, the audience rooted for me. They knew that I would always win, after all. But after Gloria made this statement, laced with lies, it became clear to me that, now, they wanted to see me fail. Maybe it was because everyone loves an underdog story. After all, I had been smirking pretty arrogantly and treating it pretty cruelly. Maybe it was because seeing a Monstra being defeated gave them hope that the Monstra in Grisia could be killed. Whatever it was, I wasn¡¯t going to give them the satisfaction of seeing me lose, or even die to such a pathetic beast. But before I could push through the pain and retaliate, I saw something very strange on its belly.

    A human face.

    It was about the size of an ordinary human head. It seemed to be male. Middle aged, perhaps. Seeing something so ordinary embedded into the form of an otherwise horrific beast, in such a strange place, was something that unnerved even me a little. Its eyes were closed, but as I opened an eye directly beneath it, his eyes slowly fluttered open.

    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

    ¡°... Kill¡­ Me¡­¡±

    His voice was raspy, like he could barely draw breath, and his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. There was no way the audience could hear him. I created a mouth next to him so that I could speak.

    ¡°What¡­ Did they do to you?¡± I asked, although it was a bit difficult to speak when I was in severe pain thanks to Gloria, and his other five heads were violently trying to tear me apart.

    ¡°I¡­ Spoke¡­ Out¡­ Against¡­ Our¡­ Experiments¡­¡± He gasped, ¡°So¡­ I¡­ Was¡­ Turned¡­ Into¡­ An¡­ Experiment¡­¡±

    ¡°... Well, I wasn¡¯t going to show mercy anyway, but I suppose now I have more reasons besides simply spiting Gloria to end this quickly.¡±

    The creation of this creature was beyond unethical in the first place. DNA that shouldn¡¯t be mixed being spliced together, discordant mana forging an internal nervous system that must have made for an utterly chaotic and intolerable state of consciousness. Not that I really understood much about all that stuff¡­ All I knew was that this creature was suffering, and this man, this actual human attached to its underbelly, confirmed that fact in no uncertain terms.

    My pain no longer mattered. It was unbearable, but I recalled all the parts of my body that had been ripped away, that were trying to escape, and kept myself held together as I pierced the Chimera¡¯s body straight through its underbelly, making sure to use one tentacle to completely obliterate the man¡¯s head. Tentacles emerged from the skulls of each of the five heads, and the creature fell limp in an instant.

    I returned to human form, covered head to toe in blood, both my own and the Chimera¡¯s, purple and red mixing together into a gruesome pattern on my skin. I stood there defiantly, grimacing, shaking, trying to pretend that I wasn¡¯t feeling any pain at all, even though it felt much worse than it had in my cage not long ago. Reluctantly, the audience began to clap.

    ¡°W-Well! What an upset! The Monstra overcame the poison and finished it off quickly! Now, the main event may be over, but there''s still more fun to be had tonight! The Chimera shall be prepared by our chefs, and we may have ourselves an exquisite feast!¡±

    Right. I forgot. The animal was always eaten after each match. It had never really mattered to me before, but this time, it did. It was at least one sixth cannibalism after all, right? And even if it wasn¡¯t, this thing still had a real intelligence to it, right?

    ¡°Thank¡­ You¡­¡±

    I heard that voice again. But how was it still alive? That was when I realised that it was the lion head speaking, using that human head¡¯s voice. I took a few steps towards him and knelt in front of the lion head, whilst the audience was distracted by Gloria¡¯s speech.

    ¡°You¡¯re a tough one, aren¡¯t you? Sorry the death wasn¡¯t quick¡­¡± I muttered.

    ¡°Listen¡­¡± It began, ¡°Their¡­ Finances¡­ Are¡­ Bad¡­ This¡­ Sustains¡­ Them¡­ They¡­ Are¡­ Stupid¡­ They¡­ Will¡­ Fail¡­ The¡­ Contract¡­ You¡­ Will¡­ Be¡­ Free¡­¡±

    I don¡¯t know how he knew those things, but if he was correct, then I was happy. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised either. The Leywoods didn¡¯t appear to be the most sensible spenders.

    ¡°Your¡­ Blood¡­ Is¡­ More¡­ Than¡­ Dark¡­¡± It continued, ¡°It¡­ Can¡­ Be¡­ Anything¡­ Even¡­ Gold. Listen¡­ Child¡­ Of¡­ Aether¡­ You¡­ Can¡­ Be¡­ More¡­ More¡­ Than¡­ A¡­ Monster¡­ You¡­ Can¡­ Be¡­ Human¡­ Or¡­ Even¡­ An¡­ Angel¡­¡±

    Yeah. As if I believed that.

    ¡°That¡¯s nice of you to say. Thank you.¡±

    The look in the Lion¡¯s eye seemed to be disappointed. He could tell that I wasn¡¯t taking him seriously. But I mean, why would I? Why would I believe that some random science experiment knew anything about me, especially things that I didn¡¯t know? It was just a meaningless little motivational speech as a final act of kindness, that¡¯s all it could be.

    ¡°Have¡­ Faith¡­ In¡­ Yourself¡­¡±

    He was looking me dead in the eye this time. He meant it. This time I felt a strange feeling in my chest. I suddenly gained the impression that he somehow knew more than me on this subject.

    ¡°... Okay.¡±

    A nod of the head, and I think it felt content that it had gotten its message across.

    ¡°... Do you want them to eat you? Or shall I?¡±

    ¡°... You¡­¡±

    And with that, there were no more words. The audience, distracted, suddenly let out a gasp as my form descended on the Chimera, millions of teeth grinding it into gooey powder and digesting its body in an instant.

    ¡°LILLY STOP!¡± Gloria screeched.

    I did. But it was too late. Not even a single bone remained. I had eaten the Chimera, my final act of kindness towards him.

    ¡°... Our little Monstra here has misbehaved¡­ My deepest apologies, everyone. But no matter¡­ We shall still devise a glorious feast for you all.¡±

    I glared up at Gloria and the audience. I couldn¡¯t do or say anything that would overtly offend them, but I was afforded the luxury of smiling, at least for now. So I let a smirk cross my face. I loved being defiant in whatever way I was able to these wretched, braindead bastards.

    Gloria spent the next several days torturing me after that incident. I wasn¡¯t allowed to go on the hunting trip, either. No vacation for me.

    ~~ 3 Years Later ~~

    It wasn¡¯t long before I forgot about that man infused into the Chimera, his predictions, and any notions that I would one day be able to live any other life besides this. I was never even allowed on a hunting trip- Gloria blocked me going at every turn, even though I occasionally heard whispers of many hunters dying hunting Cyclops and Bicorns and Basilisks and the like. Deaths that I could have prevented, had I been there to easily dispatch such weak creatures.

    My mental state was in a complete haze and pretty soon, all I could think about was Gloria. I looked forward to seeing her each and every day, even though she began to ignore me more and more frequently, and only brought me pain if she did show up. During my fights, I became more obedient, feigning struggles, wanting to make the fight as exciting as possible. But¡­ Occasionally, I would act out if she hadn¡¯t punished me in a while, just because I wanted her attention. Because she was the only one who would give it to me. Even if that attention only came in the form of cruel and vicious ire.

    Then, one fateful night, I was called to her room at very late hours. A messenger came down to tell me that Gloria wanted to see me in her personal quarters. I didn¡¯t know how to react to that. I hadn¡¯t set foot inside the Leywood manor since my very first day as a slave, right after signing the contract. I was taken through a backdoor and led to the baths. It was there that, for the first time in about a decade, I saw my face in the mirror.

    I looked so much older. I was an Adult, after all. 21. But I felt older. I was as pristine as ever, of course, despite the crap smeared all over me. The richest individuals in the world with access to the best healthcare and beauty products in the world would be envious of my soft, unblemished skin and gorgeous facial structure. But I still thought I looked ugly. I think it was the eyes. They were utterly dead. They were empty, like all they saw was the void beyond the illusion of the material world. I didn¡¯t notice anything. I didn¡¯t care about anything. I realised just how completely and utterly devoid of hope I was.

    Before I knew it, her maids had made me squeaky clean and had dressed me in some sort of white lingerie, and I was in Gloria¡¯s room. She seemed to be in some kind of a purple night dress. The room looked like it was normally lit by a chandelier, but it seemed she had set up some rose scented candles. I didn¡¯t understand the implications, so I stood in front of the door, simply staring at her blankly. Looking, but not really seeing anything at all.

    ¡°Surprised to be here, Lilly?¡± She asked.

    I nodded my head.

    ¡°You seem¡­ A bit less happy than I would have expected.¡±

    ¡°Hmm.¡±

    I don¡¯t know why I would be happy or sad about whatever the fuck was happening. Either way, I didn¡¯t choose to be here.

    ¡°C¡¯mere,¡± She said enticingly, sitting on the edge of her large bed and patting a spot next to her.

    I sort of shuffled towards her, and soon, I was sitting next to her, and I was in her arms. She wrapped them around me, stroking my arms and back so sweetly.

    ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ Felt a bit guilty about how I¡¯ve treated you over the years, y¡¯know. I was¡­ Young and foolish. Obsessed with power. So I¡­ Gave it some thought, and¡­ Whilst it might be difficult for you to adjust, I figured, why not have a fresh start?¡±

    ¡°Mmm.¡±

    I didn¡¯t really know how to respond or think. But I liked the gentle treatment she was giving me. I should probably be afraid that she might strike me or shout at me at any moment. That she might click her fingers and send me straight to that living hell that I¡¯m so used to. But her touch was warm. As her bare hands touched my naked skin, it left sensations of tingling, calming pleasure wherever she touched. This feeling was what I had wanted all my life.

    ¡°For all the power I had¡­ *Have* over you¡­ I¡­ Didn¡¯t come to confront the fact that, until recently, I was jealous of you. Of your power. Your beauty. Your resilience. I had all this wealth, and yet¡­ I couldn¡¯t buy that. So in my jealousy I¡­ Sought to hurt you.¡±

    ¡°I know.¡±

    It was obvious. All she had to do next was admit that she was a sadist, then her journey of self reflection would be complete.

    ¡°R-Right¡­¡± She sort of seemed taken aback by my statement, but she softly cleared her throat and continued, ¡°But¡­ I think that¡­ Hurting you¡­ All this time, I had only been hurting myself in turn. So, Lilly¡­ I want to make it up to you. You may not ever forgive me, but¡­ I promise to take care of you from now on.¡±

    She began kissing my neck. It felt good. She untied my bra and began cupping my breasts. Here I thought that she was an essentially sexless creature, but now, I was receiving the kind of treatment from her I had always wanted. Okay. She had changed her mind. That was nice. I could be a vessel for pleasure instead of pain from now on. I guess that was preferable.

    She laid me down on the bed and slipped off my panties next. Planting kisses on my body as she moved downwards, she soon found herself near my pussy. A kiss on the clit. A lick. A nibble. She was sending shivers throughout my body. Yes. Fuck yes. Finally! But I didn¡¯t smile just yet. Something was off. And I also had a slightly more mundane problem.

    ¡°...I need to pee. Can I please go to the toilet, Madame Gloria?¡±

    ¡°... Just Gloria is fine, Lilly¡­ When we¡¯re alone together¡­ A-And yes, you can pee. There¡¯s a t-toilet just through that door.¡±

    She crawled off of me, allowing me to roll off the bed and stand up. I looked at the door she pointed to, then at her. Then to the wall safe that I knew was hidden behind a portrait of Gloria¡¯s mother. I blinked. I felt a little bit dizzy. Yeah. Something was¡­ It didn¡¯t feel wrong, per say, but¡­ Something was different.

    ¡°Are you¡­ O-Okay, Lilly?¡± She asked.

    I looked into her eyes. At first, I thought I read concern in them. But after a few seconds¡­ I saw what was truly there.

    Fear. She feared me.

    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±

    I turned around and headed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. It was a nice room. Bathtub. Shower. Sink. Toilet. I took a seat on the toilet and, weirdly enough, found myself looking at a full length mirror that had been situated opposite the toilet as I did my business. Who would want to look at themselves while they¡¯re doing that? Only someone as fucked up as Gloria Leywood, I supposed.

    For a few minutes I gazed at myself. Here I was, in a noble manor, actually using a toilet for once, actually getting to do something hygienic. It felt wrong, but it was also somewhat of a relief. I had been bathed and I was receiving actual affection from another person. Sexual affection, at that. I felt less like the animal I had been treated as already. I noticed my eyes turn purple as I looked in the mirror. I was feeling¡­ Confident. Hopeful. They were still pretty dead, but¡­ There was something I wanted to test. I stood up and flushed the toilet.

    When I left the bathroom, I had a small tentacle about as long as my arm growing out of my hand. I didn¡¯t acknowledge it as I walked back towards the bed. But as I approached, my mistress flinched.

    ¡°W-What do you have that out for, Lilly?¡± She asked timidly.

    I looked down at it.

    ¡°... Oh. Sorry. I didn¡¯t notice it.¡±

    ¡°Do you want to maybe put it away?¡±

    ¡°... Not really.¡±

    ¡°Y-You don¡¯t want to¡­ Hurt me with it, do you?¡±

    ¡°... No. I don¡¯t.¡±

    At least, I don¡¯t think so.

    ¡°Good¡­¡±

    There was a tense silence as I sat back down on the bed. I didn¡¯t lay down. She didn¡¯t approach me. I just sat, staring at her, my eyes no doubt still purple. She was staring at the tentacle growing out of my hand. I allowed it to gradually grow a little bit larger and thicker.

    ¡°... Aren¡¯t we going to resume where we left off? Why are you afraid of me?¡±

    ¡°W-Why indeed¡­ Haha¡­ I¡¯m just¡­ Being silly, that¡¯s all Lilly¡­¡±

    More silence. No movement from either of us, even as the tentacle continued to grow and began to squirm about.

    ¡°... Click your fingers for me.¡±

    ¡°No! Lilly, you know what would happen if I did that, I don¡¯t want to hurt you like that anymore¡­¡±

    ¡°I want you to do it anyway. I like it,¡± I lied.

    ¡°O-Okay, um¡­ Lilly, I command you to experience absolutely nothing when I click my fingers!¡± She exclaimed, followed by a snap as she clicked them together.

    ¡°... I don¡¯t like the sound of the click. I like the pain. Skip the clicking. Order me to feel pain.¡±

    ¡°I-I just said, Lilly, I don¡¯t want to do that, and I don¡¯t know if you really like it-¡±

    In an instant, I grabbed the woman and rolled her over on the bed, so that I was on top of her. I studied the reaction. Studied as the fear morphed into abject terror.

    ¡°I-I¡¯m not going to Lilly! Listen, if you want me to spank you or whip you or something I can do that, but¡­¡±

    ¡°But you can¡¯t order me.¡±

    ¡°R-Right. I don¡¯t want to abuse my power like that. I want to do things together that¡­ Y¡¯know, a normal couple would do!¡±

    ¡°... What if I asked you to order me to orgasm?¡±

    ¡°W-Where would the fun in that be?¡±

    ¡°It sounds incredibly fun.¡±

    ¡°L-Lilly¡­ I¡­¡± She trailed off as she reached up to distract me with a kiss, placing her arms around my head, pulling me in so that her tongue could lock with mine.

    But I was hardly focused on her. Hardly able to focus on experiencing my first real kiss, my first real makeout session. It didn¡¯t really feel good when my mind was fixated on a far more important subject. A subject that caused my suspicious eyes to drift back to the safe. I pulled away from her.

    ¡°Can I look at the safe?¡± I asked.

    ¡°No¡­ I mean¡­ If you want to, but¡­ We¡¯re trying to have fun right now, Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°...¡±

    Without responding, I got off of her and rolled off the bed. She tried to grip my wrist to prevent me from leaving, but as soon as I showed the smallest amount of resistance, she let go. I walked over to it. Slid the painting across the wall to reveal the safe behind it. It had one of those dial thingies that you had to spin to input the combination.

    ¡°... What¡¯s the password?¡±

    ¡°Lilly, come on, you¡¯re being¡­ Well¡­ It¡¯s just, you¡¯re being all weird and this is supposed to be my apology to you and our special night and¡­¡±

    She really didn¡¯t know how to phrase herself anymore, did she?

    ¡°I know you keep the slave contract in here. What¡¯s the combination?¡±

    ¡°Lilly-¡±

    Impatiently, I decided to dig my tentacle into the safe, the blunt force easily able to dent the shoddy metal, and soon, I had torn open the door to the safe. The inside was large. Enough to store countless beautiful things, gold bars, other such stores of wealth. It was the perfect place to keep the slave contract, as it could simply automatically take the gold each month if the gold was simply placed next to it.

    But the safe was empty. Save for a pile of ash. I allowed my body to return to normal, getting rid of the tentacle, as I picked up the ash and let it fall through my fingers. I was hardly spiritually gifted, outside of my abilities to manipulate mana that being a Monstra gave me. But even I could tell what this was, due to my powerful connection to it. It was the slave contract. More accurately, what was left of it. I looked over my shoulder and smirked, my teeth turning sharp as I immediately realised the implications.

    ¡°Okay Lilly cat¡¯s out of the bag! Fine! I admit it! We¡¯re bankrupt! My brothers gambled away all of the Leywood¡¯s wealth, the fights haven¡¯t been drawing in as much money this past year, the province as a whole is less productive and we haven¡¯t been collecting as much tax- We¡¯re flat broke, a-and the contract was gone before I had a chance to do anything about it and¡­¡±

    She panicked, flailing her arms about. But she didn¡¯t look enough like someone begging for her life for my liking. In an instant, I pounced on her, my body remaining humanoid but turning pitch black as I pinned her arms and legs to the bed using sharp claws, piercing the mattress and the pillows, drawing blood from her limbs. I drooled foul smelling spit on her face as I did my best to restrain myself from killing her immediately.

    ¡°LILLY PLEASE! WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT! I WANTED TO DO THIS BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE A PROPER RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND-¡±

    ¡°You were afraid of what I might do if I found out. So you wanted to make me love you. Wanted to sweep away everything you did to me. You haven¡¯t changed a bit. The circumstances simply changed, and now you¡¯re in self preservation mode,¡± I said, allowing multiple mouths to speak at once in different pitches.

    Bitches were afraid of layered voices, right?

    ¡°I-I don¡¯t¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ The Princess, she¡­ She¡¯ll be here soon to collect debts and¡­ I wanted to¡­¡±

    ¡°Wanted to what? Use me to intimidate her?¡±

    ¡°I-I just thought that if you were on my side, we¡¯d figure out something-¡±

    ¡°So the truth comes out. Tell me. How do you really feel about me? Do you still hate me because you¡¯re jealous?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s true that I hated you at first because I was jealous, but¡­ I was being¡­ T-Totally honest when I said that I realised how awful I had been to you, and that I wanted to love you, because my hatred had been love all along! I had just been too stupid to admit it to myself or to you! Losing the contract over you helped me realise something that had been in the back of my mind for years! That¡¯s it! That¡¯s really it!¡±

    ¡°Heh. I wonder if that¡¯s really true. You have a handmaiden, right? Call her in.¡±

    ¡°I-I don¡¯t want to¡­¡±

    ¡°Why? Are you afraid of me? If you truly loved me, would you be afraid of me?¡±

    ¡°N-No¡­ It¡¯s just¡­¡±

    ¡°IT¡¯S JUST WHAT!?¡±

    ¡°NOTHING! CALL HER, THE BELL IS RIGHT THERE, YOU CAN RING IT YOURSELF! SHE¡¯LL HEAR IT!¡±

    Indeed, there was a nice little silver bell sitting right on her bedside table. A tentacle picked it up and gave it a little ring.

    When the young, cute handmaiden entered the room after a few minutes, I snatched her up immediately, keeping her mouth covered so that she couldn¡¯t scream. Wrapped in tentacles, I kept her suspended above the bed as she fruitlessly squirmed.

    ¡°... Only you can save her life. Now. How do you feel about me?¡±

    ¡°... As I said, Lilly¡­ I care about you, and I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m so, so, so sorry that I won¡¯t ever be able to repay you¡­ I¡¯ll spend my entire life making it up to you, you can be my master from now on, you can do anything to me, I¡¯ll be obedient, I¡¯ll be kind, I¡¯ll be yours, I¡¯ll do anything for you because I really care about you Lilly and I really want us to have a genuine relationship and-¡±

    With a bit of additional squeezing, the handmaiden was crushed, the audible sound of bones cracking, blood gushing like a squeezed fruit, a single, muffled yelp escaped her lips before her head was crushed. She was innocent. Probably. So I made sure her death was instantaneous. The blood dripped onto the bed and Gloria¡¯s face.

    ¡°HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME!?¡±

    ¡°... Fine. I admit it! You actually went and FUCKING DID IT. I CAN¡¯T STOP YOU LILLY, SO FUCK IT. I HATE YOU. I STILL HATE YOU. I HATE HOW STUPID YOU ARE DESPITE BEING SO PERFECT. I HATE HOW SMUG YOU ARE DESPITE BEING SO POWERLESS. I ENJOYED BREAKING YOU. I ONLY LIKED YOU BECAUSE I LIKED BREAKING SOMETHING THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG AND WILLFUL. I CRIED FOR TWO DAYS WHEN I REALISED THAT MY ONLY CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WAS GOING TO BE TO LIVE A LIE AND LET YOUR FILTHY LITTLE ROTTEN SHIT COVERED HANDS TOUCH ME AND FUCK ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU, I ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL! ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? GO AHEAD AND RAPE ME, I KNOW YOU¡¯VE ALWAYS WANTED TO! OR DO YOU WANT TO TORTURE ME? GO AHEAD, DO YOUR WORST, I WILL NEVER GIVE IN, I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU SATISFACTION, I WILL-¡±

    ¡°Shut up.¡±

    She did.

    I allowed my body to return to normal, and I rolled off of her. Yeah. This is how it was. This is how it was always going to be. I wasn¡¯t just a Monstra, I was a monster. A fundamentally unlovable creature. Looking back on this moment, I thought about how the handmaiden didn¡¯t need to die to prove my point. I wondered if the rant Gloria gave me was her real feelings or a response to the stress of seeing someone die in front of her. On the other hand, I don¡¯t think her lovey dovey proclamation of being in love with me were her true feelings, either. Her true feelings were probably somewhere in between. A messy middle ground, oscillating back and forth. I realised that, if I really wanted to, I probably could have avoided killing the handmaiden. I could have formed a relationship with Gloria. Make her love me. Maybe fall in love with her in return.

    But I had looked at both of her faces, and I had made my choice as to what the real face was. And I decided that the face that hurt me more, the face that hated me, was her real face. And that the one that loved me was her false face. I failed to realise that reality was more complicated than things simply being ¡®true¡¯ or ¡®false¡¯.

    But even though I could have chosen to cultivate a relationship, that side of her that hated me would always be there. And that side of me that could never forgive her for the years of abuse would have been there too.

    As I lay there, on that bed, I began to develop an intense disdain for the very concept of power. Power was the thing that got in the way of forming a meaningful relationship with her. Either she had it over me, or I had it over her. Due to external circumstances, the slave contract and my nature as a Monstra, there was no ability for us to be equal. I don¡¯t know if we would have liked each other under equal circumstances. But what I did know was that, because of power, I would never find out.

    ¡°... T-The fuck are you doing now?¡± She finally asked as she turned to look at me.

    She was breathing heavily after her outburst, and so was I. But I was also doing something else. I was crying.

    ¡°... You¡¯re crying? Seriously?¡± She sighed.

    I continued to cry for a few more minutes. Neither of us moved. Funnily enough, I turned to her for comfort, wrapping my arms around her, embracing her, gently pulling her into me for warmth. She simply laid there and didn¡¯t react. But, eventually, she spoke.

    ¡°Listen. I¡¯m scared, Lilly. Of the ambiguity more than anything. I don¡¯t want to remain here and have someone I hate seek comfort from me. So, just¡­ Whatever you¡¯re going to do to me, just do it. I don¡¯t like not knowing.¡±

    Fine. I supposed I could grant her that much. I didn¡¯t exactly want to drag this out either.

    ¡°... Just give me a few more minutes to decide.¡±

    But I still had emotions to process. I needed to calm down, stop crying, and think through things logically. I still needed to brood upon my hatred of the very concept of power. Malign myself for having it. Experience the guilt of killing an innocent girl. As my brain raced, I got up out of bed, put on the discarded lingerie, as well as the handmaid¡¯s outfit. I didn¡¯t exactly care that it was all covered in blood. Her breaths were loud and heavy. She was clearly trying to restrain herself from screaming or hurling insults at me. But she was doing everything in her power to resist provoking me. She was afraid. And not even I could bear intimidating her into such a state. So, with my back turned to her, I finally spoke.

    ¡°... You¡¯re not worthy of my affections. Even if my affections would be rape. It would also be my first time, and I want it to be with someone special. Not with my abuser. I also hate your guts. I think you deserve all the pain you inflicted on me and then some. I want you to suffer for the youth you stole from me. You couldn¡¯t possibly know how much I¡¯ve suffered. But¡­ Even though I may be a Monstra, I don¡¯t want to be a monster. Not any more than I already am, anyway. So I won¡¯t stoop to your vile level. Let¡¯s instead hope that there¡¯s such a thing as hell that awaits you. I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll see you again there someday.¡±

    With my back still turned, I allowed two giant hands to form, and crush her and the bed at once. There wasn¡¯t even a scream. I didn¡¯t turn back to look. I didn¡¯t want to see it. But I knew she was dead.

    With that, I left the manor.

    ~ Present Day~

    ¡°... And then, a few days later, you arrived. I was sitting outside the manor, waiting for you. I didn¡¯t know how the legal processes worked. But I felt guilt for what I had done, and¡­ Knew I had to be punished. That was why, when your men realised what I was and attacked me, I tried to avoid killing them. I just¡­ I only transformed to try and intimidate you into leaving me alone.¡±

    ¡°... But then I just walked straight up to you, didn¡¯t I?¡± Ayano responded as she stroked my hair.

    ¡°That¡¯s right. And you even put your sword down first¡­ I was so baffled! The entire time, I was just thinking about how stupid and crazy you were! It caught me so off guard!¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t even try to harm my men¡­ That¡¯s why, even after discovering the two corpses up in the daughter¡¯s bedroom, I knew that you were safe to approach.¡±

    ¡°... My guilt, and my lack of direction¡­ That¡¯s also why I behaved. Why I accepted the slave contract. I thought that¡­ You were trustworthy. And¡­¡±

    ¡°You were attracted to me.¡±

    ¡°Yeah. I immediately thought you were hot. But you also seemed kinder than Gloria. So I thought that, well, perhaps it would be better to be on your leash. So that I couldn¡¯t be violent towards anyone. That¡¯s why I¡¯m¡­ Trying to not use my Monstra powers. I want to live as a human. I don¡¯t want to hurt anyone. I just want to love¡­ To love you.¡±

    ¡°I know, Lilly,¡± Ayano responded reassuringly, smiling and planting a comforting kiss on my forehead. I giggled happily before she continued.

    ¡°In any case¡­ It¡¯s a shame we didn¡¯t find you sooner¡­ We¡¯re¡­ Still tracking down the remaining Leywoods, although it¡¯s possible that they fled overseas before I even arrived at the estate that day¡­¡±

    ¡°I could have caught them.¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t know any better, Lilly. I think you did the right thing by¡­ Well, I¡¯m not going to say that killing Gloria and that handmaid was *right*... I disagree with it, but I suppose I get it. Just, when you were in that state, I¡¯m glad you didn¡¯t try to take justice even further into your own hands.¡±

    ¡°Um¡­ Can I¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes?¡±

    ¡°Can I ask a question?¡±

    ¡°Of course.¡±

    ¡°Do you think I¡¯m a bad person¡­ For doing what I did? For killing Gloria, for killing that maid, just to¡­ Y¡¯know¡­¡±

    ¡°... It was correct to be suspicious of what she was saying to you.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ To kill the maid just to confirm it¡­?¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m¡­ Not going to weigh in on that, Lilly.¡±

    She pulled me closer into her arms, placing her head over my shoulder so that we were no longer facing each other. I took that as a sign that the conversation was over. But I had one last thing to say.

    ¡°Thanks for listening to me.¡±

    ¡°Thank you as well, Lilly.¡±

    And with that, silence. Soon, she fell asleep. But I remained awake. For my mind was fixated on one simple thought.

    She did think that I had done something wrong. Ayano had driven someone to suicide, had brought the Monstra to this world, but¡­ I¡­ I had killed two people in cold blood. Not to mention the baby I allegedly killed when I was a month old¡­ She liked me because she thought I was non-violent despite my nature, but¡­ She must surely hate me now, right? But she knew that I had killed Gloria and her handmaid this entire time, right? Did knowing the context behind the murders change her outlook on what I had done, though?

    I wanted to know. The ambiguity was killing me. I wanted to know how she felt about me, even if she thought ill of me. Those were the last words Gloria had said to me as well. That she didn¡¯t care. She just wanted to know. But when I wanted to know how Gloria felt about me¡­ That desire had driven me so mad that I was willing to kill someone just to acquire that information. If I had to do something so deeply immoral to know how Ayano felt, then¡­ Was it even worth knowing?

    Almost certainly not.

    But still. The thought nagged at me. I didn¡¯t want her to lie to me. Just like I would never lie to her. Maybe some lies were fine though¡­ Maybe they were more complicated than lies. Maybe Ayano didn¡¯t really know how she felt about what I did. But¡­ If push came to shove, what would she do? What would she think? What would she say to me?

    I wanted to know. Desperately.

 Chapter 13- Priscilla

    Several peaceful months passed since Lilly and Ayano¡¯s little day trip to Belfort, after which it became obvious to everyone in the manor that the two were incredibly smitten with each other. Lilly and Ayano tried to hide how obviously lovey dovey they were, but of most interest was how quickly Lilly seemed to be improving as a maid. The flowers grew healthy and beautiful and Lilly was attentive towards them, so when she was informed that she could have a larger patch of land, she dug the soil herself. She now grows a collection of lilies, roses, orchids, and a variety of different crops.

    Then there was Hugo, who raves to me all the time about how well Lilly is learning to cook.

    ¡°Once she started following instructions, she really picked it up! She cooks with such efficiency, grace, and joy. She insists on cooking all of Lady Ayano¡¯s meals. And you know what? Heh¡­ I actually let her. Can¡¯t believe that monster turned out to be such a good maid. Can you believe it?¡±

    Lilly was getting better at the cleaning aspect of being a maid too. Working quickly and properly, trying to fit as much cleaning, laundry, and odd chores into the day as she could. Even when she responded to Ayano¡¯s handbell, she would fulfil Ayano¡¯s request for tea, biscuits, documents, or maybe a quick kiss or a fellatio session for all I knew, and once done Lilly would then be right back to work, and still get more done than anyone else. As spring passed into summer, Lilly even started to cover other¡¯s shifts as people started to fall ill from heat stroke or hayfever. This year seemed to be particularly hot, as a heatwave passed over Selicia. There was a two week period where it felt like there wasn¡¯t a cloud in the sky, and the oppressive sun completely beat down on us. I had to carry around a parasol outdoors for shade, and I had to resist the urge to beg Ayano to let me wear less stuffy clothes. Still, I was playing the part of an obedient head maid, who set an example and never complained, so I didn¡¯t do so, and simply suffered in silence.

    Lilly, on the other hand? I was beginning to wonder if temperature was even a concept for her. She seemed to thrive in the sun, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder how she would feel about the cold once winter rolled around. I was happy to have her here. Not just because I thought she was good for Ayano, but because she made my life easier, too. Everyone was starting to like her. I don¡¯t think she had formed any other close friendships yet, aside from maybe with Hugo, but everyone liked her. She¡¯d crack jokes with the other Maids and Butlers, the nobles would compliment her on her good manners. She was still the same feral, excitable and naive rascal who had joined us back then, but she was evolving into a better version of that same self. It warmed my heart.

    Even if I was still jealous of her and Ayano.

    Early summer, Ayano announced a global pay increase, too. A flat 5 extra silver crowns per week would be added to our salaries across the board, regardless of the profession of anybody working at the estate. Ayano claimed that she could afford the wage increases via excess wealth offered to her via the donations required to maintain Lilly¡¯s slave contract. Even though I didn¡¯t know how much the slave contract cost, I still had to be suspicious. Either people were donating money they didn¡¯t need to donate, extra deals were happening besides the scenes, or there was something else besides Lilly that they wanted to fund. Perhaps she had acquired the excess cash from somewhere else entirely. It wouldn¡¯t entirely surprise me if she was syphoning cash for herself from the monthly taxes, given the recent tax increase to the upper classes. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure, but still, everyone appreciated it. It was a shame that this was something I was going to have to investigate as part of my spying duties. The extra wealth being directed away from the nobles and towards Ayano had to be causing some tension. Tension that Zeer would probably like to exploit.

    ~~~

    It was around midsummer when Ayano approached me with a proposition.

    ¡°Regarding Lilly¡­ As a maid, a handmaid, chef, gardener, Monstra ally and, uhh¡­¡±

    ¡°Lover?¡± I interjected with a cheeky giggle.

    ¡°W-Well¡­ I-In any case, Priscilla, the point is, I think Lilly is getting along just fine as she is. So I would like to give back to her. Now, you are welcome to refuse, but, a few nights out of the week, I would be willing to offer you additional pay if you serve as Lilly¡¯s tutor. She¡¯s illiterate, has a tenuous grasp on basic maths, and knows little about world history, events, and art. I don¡¯t have the time for it myself, but¡­¡±

    ¡°I understand, Lady Ayano. I would be happy to take you up on your offer- Education is an important human right, and Lilly very much seems to be in a state of mind where she is eager to learn. Would you like us to begin tonight?¡±

    ¡°Sure. I wasn¡¯t going to impose a schedule on you- Three or Four nights a week, you can choose the days.¡±

    ¡°The library is closed after dinner, around 7. So would 7 until 10 be reasonable tutoring hours?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Yep. That should be fine.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll ensure that she¡¯s up in your room by 10:30, your grace.¡±

    ¡°S-Sure¡­ Whatever. And again, don¡¯t worry about that ¡®grace¡¯, or ¡®your majesty¡¯ stuff. You know I prefer Lady.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve known you for years, Lady Ayano. I already know that. I was just trying to tease you!¡±

    ¡°Hmph. I¡¯ll add two gold crowns to your weekly pay. Thank you very much for doing this, Priscilla, but now I must be off.¡±

    ¡°Thank you for trusting me with the responsibility, Lady Ayano,¡± I replied, bowing as Ayano strided away.

    I wish someone cared for me the way she cared for Lilly.

    ~~~

    I was served a slice of Hugo¡¯s pie whilst I witnessed Ayano consuming a bowl of a dish called ¡®Ramen¡¯, a Jishian specialty which Lilly had made. I had heard of it before, but I had never actually seen it in person. It smelled divine. She really had learned to cook quite well in a very short space of time, hadn¡¯t she? Not that my meal was bad. I always looked forward to Hugo¡¯s summer pies, the meaty flavour was so delicious when combined with the ripe fruity flavour of the seasonal berries he stuffed inside the pie. It was sweet, savoury, spicy- Overall just delicious. I did get to have a taste of Lilly¡¯s cooking for dessert, though. She had made a batch of ice cream with Hugo¡¯s guidance. The cool, refreshing, sweet cream was just the thing one wanted on an otherwise sweltering summer day.

    Dusk arrived, the last flecks of daylight streaming in through the windows as I led Lilly to the library. As she was being tutored, and was doing such a good job with the cooking, she had been let off from washing up duties.

    ¡°So¡­ Tutoring! How exciting! Planning on teaching me magic, Priscilla?¡± Lilly asked not long after leaving the dining hall.

    ¡°Sadly not, Lilly. I am skilled as neither a mage nor a scholar,¡± I lied, having actually been taught quite a lot of scholarly concepts by the Zeerian government, ¡°And besides, Ayano and I, we¡­ Want to give you a more basic education than that. You were taken away by the Leywoods before you had an opportunity to go to school, yes?¡±

    ¡°Pretty much. From what I remember, the school the orphanage would have sent me to wouldn¡¯t have been that helpful anyway.¡±

    ¡°Right. So, even though you are an Adult, you will be¡­ Essentially receiving a child¡¯s education.¡±

    ¡°Fine with me, I guess! Lots of important stuff I missed out on.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s the spirit.¡±

    ¡°Still¡­¡± She trailed off, looking a bit downcast, ¡°I guess with tutoring, that¡¯ll be a bit less time to spend with Ayano per week¡­¡±

    As if you didn¡¯t spend enough time with her already!

    ¡°... It¡¯ll just make the time you do spend with her that much more special. Besides, whilst I¡¯m sure that Ayano would love to spend as much time with you as possible, Selicia needs her to be focused on political and domestic affairs.¡±

    ¡°I guess¡­¡±

    ¡°And¡­ She¡¯ll be less distracted by thoughts of work when she is with you, as well.¡±

    ¡°... Yeah.¡±

    I turned to offer Lilly a sympathetic smile, but given how she was listlessly staring out of the window as we walked, as though in a daydream, I supposed that I wasn¡¯t going to get her back into a more energetic mood by talking about Ayano.

    We didn¡¯t talk much more until we reached the library. I simply complimented Lilly on her cooking and commented on how beautiful the sunset was. Lilly seemed to respond well to compliments.

    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

    Since me and Lilly would be using the library after closing time, I had been given a spare set of keys, so that I could access the library and lock it up myself. Norman, the librarian, a pale and thin man who spent all his time in here would normally handle the library, but since me and Lilly would be here, he was nowhere to be seen as we entered.

    Lilly had spent some time in the library cleaning it, but I don¡¯t think she had spent much time using it. The space was practically its own wing of the manor, set across two storeys of the building, the bookshelves as tall as both floors. A staircase led up to the second floor, and sliding ladders were placed everywhere to allow people to climb to any level of the book shelves. The carpet was soft and green in colour, large windows on the far walls allowed in plenty of sunlight during the day, and the place overall had a clean and premium feel to it, largely thanks to how well we maintained it.

    Lilly went to go sit down on a nearby table, picking up the first book she saw. ¡®A History Of Selician Economics¡¯ by A. Riverwood. Someone was probably reading it because they were curious about the recent pay increase.

    ¡°This book has a picture of money on it? Is this some kind of guide on how to become rich?¡± Lilly asked.

    It did, indeed, have a picture of a gold selician crown on it, the cover had even been glossed to make the coin shine and shimmer in the light.

    ¡°It¡¯s an economics textbook, Lilly. So no.¡±

    ¡°Oh.¡±

    She put the book aside, looking a bit disappointed.

    ¡°Say, why are there like, different coloured coins? You call them crowns right? You have the bronze, silver and gold ones right?¡±

    ¡­ She really was uneducated, wasn¡¯t she?

    ¡°Um¡­ Yes, that¡¯s right. The metals used to make them determine how valuable they are. 100 bronze crowns are worth 1 silver crown, 10 silver crowns are worth 1 gold crown.¡±

    ¡°Ooooh I see. That makes a lot more sense. Hey, do you think Ayano would let me make a purple crown when she becomes Queen? It could be worth 100 gold crowns.¡±

    ¡°... You¡¯d have to ask her¡­¡±

    The subject desperately needed to be changed.

    ¡°... I-In any case, Lilly, the first thing we should work on for the next few weeks should be reading and writing. It¡¯ll be difficult to teach you about other things if I¡¯m not able to give you textbooks after all, right?¡±

    ¡°Yeah, sure, makes sense.¡±

    ¡°... Let¡¯s start with the alphabet.¡±

    I sat down next to her, took a pencil and a blank sheet of paper that the library kept around if people wanted to write letters to mail to distant loved ones. I decided that I would write out each of the letters, one by one. I would first start with the upper case version of the letter, then the lowercase version. Beginning with ¡®A¡¯, of course. All that I had to do next was tell Lilly what sound the letter represented before moving on to the next one.

    ¡°So, to go over the basics, all words are constructed of individual letters, each of which represent a specific sound. This letter is ¡®A¡¯. It has an ¡®ahh¡¯ sound, as in Apple-¡±

    ¡°As in Ayano! A for Ayano! Hey, what are the rest of the letters of her name? There¡¯s a ¡®Yah¡¯ sound next, right?¡±

    ¡°... Not quite. The letter you¡¯re thinking of is Y, which, unfortunately, is at the very end of the alphabet.¡±

    ¡°And how long is it?¡±

    ¡°It has 26 letters¡­ Y is the 25th.¡±

    ¡°Are you kidding me? Can¡¯t you just tell me Y now? I wanna be able to read and write her name!¡±

    ¡°... Patience, Lilly. You¡¯re not going to be able to learn properly if Ayano is all you can think about whilst you¡¯re trying to learn.¡±

    ¡°Next is ¡®B¡¯¡­ It makes a ¡®bee¡¯ or ¡®buh¡¯ sound.¡±

    ¡°Oh, B as in Belfonse, right?¡±

    This was going to be more tedious than I thought.

    ~~~

    Eventually, we got through the Alphabet. Next I would have to teach her the concept of syllables, which might be a chore in and of itself. It wasn¡¯t that Lilly was stupid or a bad learner. It just felt a bit frustrating for me to go back to something so basic. I considered myself a good teacher, but if I was going to work in schools, I realised that I would definitely prefer to teach teenagers rather than young children.

    Thankfully, Ayano started to come up less and I began to relate each letter to other things Lilly cared about, such as ¡®C¡¯ for ¡®Cooking¡¯. With this process I think I managed to get her to memorise the letters.

    ¡°We¡¯ll be doing this tomorrow as well. Take the sheet with you, and try to spend some time memorising it and refreshing your memory if you can. Try to recite the alphabet in your head, too.¡±

    ¡°Gotcha¡­¡± Lilly muttered, stretching out her arms and yawning.

    ¡°You sure are tired! It¡¯s half an hour before we¡¯re supposed to stop, but¡­ It¡¯s our first day, and there¡¯s no point in starting something new right now¡­¡±

    ¡°Mmm. Thanks for that. I¡¯ll get used to it soon I¡¯m sure, but right now I¡¯m really tired... I was gonna go see Ayano after this but¡­ She hasn¡¯t rang the bell and I¡¯m really tired, so I might just have a quick shower and go to sleep¡­¡±

    ¡°... Actually, Lilly¡­¡±

    A thought formed in my head.

    ¡°Hmm?¡±

    ¡°Do you want to have a soak in the communal bath together? It¡¯ll probably be empty around this time of night. I think it¡¯s good that you get used to it. Only you, Ayano, and the guest rooms for nobles have your own personal bathrooms. The rest of us have to use the communal baths. It¡¯s a good place to get to know your fellow workers.¡±

    ¡°... I mean¡­ I¡¯m tired and¡­ If I¡¯m gonna bathe with other people, I¡¯d rather bathe with Ayano, so¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll wash you for you. It¡¯ll be my treat, a reward for you being such a good student.¡±

    ¡°... Okay. Can¡¯t hurt to try once.¡±

    So, with that, we left the library and headed to the bath.

    There was a key reason why I wanted to bathe with Lilly- It was because if Ayano was going to spill her secrets to anyone, it would be Lilly. And as a spy, I needed to get as much dirt as I could on the Princess. Dirt such as what plans she has for her relations with Zeer, her plans to combat the Monstra, her domestic decisions for Selicia, and more specific stuff such as what exactly went down in the forest all those months ago. I and pretty much everyone else knew that Ayano had been lying about what had gone down that day, and Lilly was the only other person who knew what had happened.

    I wasn¡¯t going to try and extract information from her today, but building up a relationship of trust with the naive girl was exactly how I would obtain information from her in the future.

    Of course, there was another reason. Ayano basically didn¡¯t let me anywhere near me in a sexual context anymore, even though I had gone to see Cedric recently. Since she had begun dating Lilly, sexual contact with me was now totally off the table. Which was fine, but, some skinship with another girl was something I had been really craving these past few months.

    If Lilly was going to be suspicious of me, I wanted her to think of me as someone who was sexually interested in her, rather than as a spy. Not that I actually wanted to get in the way of their relationship¡­ It was just¡­ If I leaned into the sexual angle, that would serve as a suitable distraction from my real motives.

    There were two communal baths, a men''s and a women¡¯s section. The men¡¯s were on the ground floor, whilst the women¡¯s baths were on the floor above it. The changing rooms were pretty open, with hooks and shelves lining the walls for people to store their clothes, and a central wooden bench in the middle of the room to help people undress. Since you were expected to be naked in the baths anyway, and everyone employed at the manor knew each other, privacy wasn¡¯t much of a concern.

    Lilly¡¯s eyes certainly seemed to linger on my naked form for a few moments longer than necessary for someone who was supposed to be in a committed relationship. But since it was just the two of us here, and since I was very beautiful, I supposed that was only to be expected. Lilly herself was also quite reserved with her body, shy to undress in front of me, her posture shrinking and covering her breasts with her arm.

    I didn¡¯t comment on her embarrassment, and it didn¡¯t last long anyway, once she was certain that nothing was going to happen between us. Yet. So we simply moved into the bath proper.

    It was a large room centred on a circular bath, with a fountain in the middle continuously pouring hot water into the bath. There were tiny windows high up in the room next to the ceiling, and there were a few benches lined up near the walls, situated opposite some mirrors, with shampoos and brushes present to help people wash their hair. We each slipped into the central pool of water, not sitting too close to each other as the steamy heat rose up to meet our chins.

    ¡°Ahh¡­¡± The silence was finally broken as Lilly relaxed into the water, ¡°This is really nice¡­ I like my bath but¡­ There¡¯s a lot of space to move, and I think the water is a bit hotter¡­ Plus there¡¯s the sound of the water falling into the water and¡­ Hey, Priscilla, do people often fall asleep in the bath?¡±

    ¡°Yeah!¡± I giggled, ¡°Every week! But we don¡¯t typically allow people to come in alone for that reason. If someone falls asleep, we can wake them up to make sure they don¡¯t drown.¡±

    ¡°... Not the worst way to die, I suppose¡­¡±

    ¡°Sure, but it is a silly one!¡±

    ¡°Hmm. Yeah.¡±

    More silence. There was soap that was always kept near the water, so I handed Lilly a bar of soap and watched as she cleaned herself off, but she ignored me as I did the same. I did want her to pay more attention to me, but¡­ Building trust was more important right now.

    Then, finally, she spoke up.

    ¡°Hey. Priscilla. You have a good relationship with um¡­ Your fiance¡­ Cecil?¡±

    ¡°Cedric.¡±

    ¡°Oh, yeah, him. You guys are gonna get married, right? So you love each other a lot?¡±

    ¡°... That¡¯s right,¡± I lied, ¡°Why do you ask?¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ Hypothetically speaking¡­ Imagine if¡­ Cedric knew you had done something really terrible in the past. Maybe you were justified in doing it, maybe not, but¡­ He knows you did it, and¡­ He says he understands and that he doesn¡¯t judge you and still loves you but¡­ What do you do, if¡­ You¡¯re still afraid that they might secretly still be judging you? Is there a way you can ask them about it and know that you¡¯ve received an honest answer? Is there any way to know for sure how they feel?¡±

    ¡°... Well¡­¡±

    ¡°And and!¡± Lilly interrupted, ¡°What if they had also done something bad as well, but, in your heart of hearts, you don¡¯t judge them for it? Do you assume that because you don¡¯t judge them that they don¡¯t judge you? Is it okay if it¡¯s asymmetrical like that? Do we both have to feel the same way about each other¡¯s misdeeds?¡±

    ¡°... This is¡­ A lot, Lilly. Where is this coming from?¡±

    ¡°... Oh! Um¡­ I-I don¡¯t know, I just thought¡­ U-Um¡­ It¡¯s a thought experiment I heard before so I uh¡­ I thought I¡¯d ask¡­¡±

    ¡°Is this to do with Ayano?¡±

    Lilly flashed me a glare before receding back, blushing and looking guilty as she then looked away from me and tried to hide in the water.

    ¡°... Doesn¡¯t matter if it is or not, I guess. Now come on, what¡¯s your opinion?¡±

    I needed to tread carefully. I didn¡¯t want to hurt her feelings. That would break trust, which would be bad for my mission, but more importantly, it would make me feel bad if I hurt her. On the other hand, this was a prime opportunity to gather information. There was about a minute of silence before my response.

    ¡°... Well¡­ Depends¡­ On the bad thing, I suppose¡­¡±

    ¡°... If¡­ If you had each¡­ Killed¡­ Someone¡­¡± Lilly muttered.

    Now this is getting interesting.

    ¡°... And¡­ The killings were¡­ Justified?¡±

    ¡°As I said¡­ Maybe¡­ Maybe not¡­ Maybe we ourselves dunno¡­ If they¡¯re justified¡­¡±

    I had to wonder if this had something to do with the Leywoods. The slave contract between her and that family had broken, right? Maybe Lilly had killed some of them? That seemed to be the most likely, but I decided not to ask Lilly about that. As for Ayano, though? When would she have been directly responsible for someone¡¯s death?

    ¡°... If¡­ Someone judges you, Lilly, then¡­ They¡­ Will make that known to you. But my personal opinion is that¡­ Everyone deserves chances at love¡­ If they¡¯re willing to be better than the person they were yesterday.¡±

    ¡°... What if they make it known to me that they want nothing to do to me.¡±

    ¡°Then you wait for someone else.¡±

    ¡°... There¡­ I dunno if¡­ There¡¯s such a thing as¡­ Someone else¡­¡±

    She still had her head turned away from me. Poor girl. She really was completely devoted to Ayano, wasn¡¯t she? My stomach churned and twisted. I didn¡¯t want to be their enemy. But at this moment, I had to be. I knew for sure now that Lilly knew things. She knew secrets that I had to uncover. My feelings also propelled me. I wanted to comfort her. Entice her. Do something unhealthy and underhanded to make her feel better.

    I glided through the water to sit next to her, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her head against my neck and stroking her hair.

    ¡°... Waiting can be hard, Lilly. I know that. So¡­ If it really comes down to it¡­ If you really want, as a last resort, I¡­ I can be ¡®someone else¡¯ whilst you wait for a new special someone¡­ How¡­ H-How does that sound?¡±

    She didn¡¯t wrestle away from my grip. She stayed there in my arms. Despite the hot water, she was shivering. Small whimpers escaped from her lips, though I couldn¡¯t see her eyes, so I wasn¡¯t sure if she was crying. Even so, she was fragile. And here I was, ready to capitalise on that. It was quite a while before she finally responded.

    ¡°... It¡­ It won¡¯t¡­ It won¡¯t come down to that, Priscilla¡­¡±

    But, knowing Ayano, it very well might.

    I hated myself.

 Chapter 14- Lilly

    The months continued to fly on by. I got along well in my studies. Priscilla told me I was a quick learner, but it was still relatively difficult to read large quantities of text at once, and my handwriting was still slow, unsure, and shaky. I learned a fair bit about world history, nature, mana, technology, and science and such. But none of it really made much sense to me. Mana was especially difficult to wrap my head around. I understood it in layman¡¯s terms, but once you got into the nitty gritty, my brain shut off. There was all this complex stuff about linking and communication and breathing and the precise artistry of the arcane circles, and how mages are imagining the circles in their mind as they cast spells. I didn¡¯t get it. They had to learn all this stuff and perform all these circle-based rituals to utilise mana. I didn¡¯t exactly know how I manipulated it, I guess I just sort of take it and use it how I want it? It was as easy to me as breathing, but I didn¡¯t exactly know how the respiratory system worked either.

    It was interesting though, and I was still learning stuff. There was lots of war in Terrestia¡¯s history, but also lots of culture. I picked up on scientific concepts too, chemistry and biology seemed to be pretty heavily related, and I was so interested in how brain chemistry and hormones seemed to have such a huge effect on one¡¯s emotional and even physical state. These tiny little imperceptible little dodads had such a huge effect on everything!

    Naturally, I was far from being an expert on any of this stuff. But I could contextualise most things in my head now, and I definitely felt more educated on the world around me. I had no idea this planet was so small, yet so big, and so densely packed with detail and complexity¡­

    It was as the months began to get colder that I began writing a poem for Ayano, both to practise writing, and to express my love and gratitude towards her. She had been a bit busy lately, and she hadn¡¯t had much time to spend with me. When she did have time, she didn¡¯t always want to have sex, which was fine. It had been about a week since we last did it, but I was happy to wait. We still loved each other, we didn¡¯t need to re-affirm that all the time, and, hell, after several months of intensity where we were doing something sexual nearly every day, it was actually kind of nice to be having a break. At least¡­ I thought it was. In any case, responsibilities were piling on me as the residents of the manor grew to trust and rely on me. Combine that with my studies with Priscilla, and I was exhausted most evenings. It was getting cold, too, and the chill air had a way of sapping the energy from me, almost as though it was my natural instinct to curl up and hibernate. I was still very thankful to not be curled up on the freezing cold floor of my cage, though. I appreciated blankets and warm pillows and warm pyjamas so much! As a Monstra, whilst I was normally very resistant to temperature, I think my blood had thinned out a lot over time, and that was causing some of my passive benefits to weaken, which was why I was feeling the cold. I actively tried to avoid using my powers whenever I could unless it was small and convenient. Having full control over my body was great for sex after all! But other than that, I was beginning to realise that the more I treated myself like a human, the more human I was actually becoming. I was starting to have real dreams and my reactions to stress were calmer. My thoughts were positive and¡­ Overall, I was just¡­ Happy!

    I had taken to studying by myself anytime I was on break and someone didn¡¯t want my attention. I was trying to read through some of the fiction books. I was interested in romance novels in particular, but it took me about 20 minutes just to read through one page. Even then, I often found myself re-reading the page just to make sure I had comprehended it correctly. Many stories were so heavy on description that, often, I was simply doing all I could to simply picture the scene, which distracted heavily from interpreting what was even happening, which was far, far away from me being emotionally affected by the work, which was even further away from me interpreting and forming an informed opinion on the book. After seeing a movie for the first time with Ayano in Belfort, I couldn¡¯t help but feel that books were inferior to movies, largely because it seemed as though film makers could craft images that were far more spectacular than anything my brain could dream up. Which not only made those images prettier, but it also lifted a lot of the cognitive load from me. Still, the manor didn¡¯t have a theatre, so if I wanted to indulge in art, I could either stare at the same paintings I¡¯m always looking at whenever I clean, or I could read a book. Besides, reading books made me more cultured, or at least, that¡¯s my impression. They¡¯re likely considered to be more cultured probably because it takes more effort to appreciate them.

    I was a few pages into a book that I¡¯m fairly sure was about a female knight who was on a quest to save her sister from the Monstra. It was explicitly romantic and pretty lewd, even early on. I didn¡¯t exactly like incest, but hey, it was an exciting read nonetheless. Most importantly, it was gay, so I wanted to see where it was going. Also, I was kinda sorta the villain in this book? The Monstra wasn¡¯t really me, I just shared its blood, but it was interesting to see how culture depicted the Monstra.

    As I was beginning to get frustrated with the book, it was then that I felt a tap on my shoulder. I must have been pretty inside my own head, because I flinched in response to the touch. I turned my head around to see Beth, of all people, and for once she wasn¡¯t scowling at me. Although actually, it had been a little while since she had last scowled at me I think. I still just thought of her as the grumpy scowly girl because of first impressions.

    ¡°O-Oh, Beth, hi, you made me jump! Is there anything you need?¡± I asked.

    ¡°No, nothing in particular, but¡­ You wouldn¡¯t happen to be reading Heroic Sisters, would you?¡±

    ¡°O-Oh, yeah¡­¡± I muttered, using a bookmark to save my place before closing the book and showing her the cover, ¡°It had nice cover art, so I decided to try and read it. The two sisters are drawn really pretty, but they make the Monstra look really scary as well, so, that mixture of beauty and terror kind of drew me in I guess¡­¡±

    ¡°Are you enjoying it?¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ Kinda, but, honestly, I¡¯m still learning to read. You know that Priscilla has been tutoring me, right? I¡¯m just trying to practise in my own time, but I''m not even at a beginners level yet, really¡­¡±

    ¡°I seee¡­ Hmm¡­¡±

    Beth seemed to be pondering something for a moment, then a sly smile crossed her face, she put her hands on her hips as she addressed me.

    ¡°Well, I was interested because, well, that happens to be my favourite book, but¡­ Not a lot of other people here read. And if they do, they¡¯re usually reading some non fiction or a thriller book or something¡­ I¡¯ve really really wanted someone to talk about Heroic Sisters with¡­¡±

    ¡°Yeah. Okay, I get that,¡± I replied, surprised to see the usually haughty maid with so much enthusiasm.

    Well, even when talking about a book she likes, she still seemed a bit prideful, I supposed.

    ¡°There¡¯s this really good part where the Monstra decides to fake being Sam¡¯s sister- It takes on Hayley¡¯s appearance, mimics her personality and everything. And it¡¯s really interesting because Sam ends up liking the *Monstra* version of her sister more than Hayley herself! It¡¯s really tense, because you begin to think that the Monstra might take Hayley¡¯s place in Sam''s heart, and the sister has to watch the whole time as the heroine is seduced. It really speaks to the dangers of placing too much value on fiction over fact- Of course, that¡¯s a pretty high level reading¡­ But that¡¯s why you¡¯ve got someone as smart as me to help you navigate it!¡±

    ¡°... Oh, um¡­¡± Jeez, okay, this girl was definitely a lot¡­ ¡°I hadn¡¯t gotten very far yet, so¡­ Was ¡®Sam¡¯ the Heroine¡¯s name? It was such a long name that I skipped over it¡­ But it¡¯s just ¡®Sam¡¯?¡±

    ¡°Samantha! I call her Sam for short. Anyway anyway, hand the book to me, I¡¯ll read it to you!¡±

    Beth pulled out a chair and sat next to me, sliding the book over in front of her before I had a chance to give it to her. She was already starting to feel like a handful¡­ Was this how Ayano felt, dealing with my enthusiasm all the time?

    ¡°Reading it out to me would help, yeah¡­ But, um, it¡¯s meant to be for practice so¡­ Is it okay if I can see the words so that I can try to read it alongside you? And can we read it from the beginning? I want to make sure I read the words properly and have a correct understanding of the plot¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh, yeah, sure. Scooch up, I guess.¡±

    So I did. We were very close, shoulder to shoulder, heads close as we each peered down to look at the page. As she began to read, I occasionally glanced at her, and she seemed to be blushing a bit. Was it reading her favourite book that was getting her flustered? Or was it because she was close to me?

    Probably not. Only Ayano was kind enough to like scum like me. I was sure that even Priscilla was just pitying me all that time ago in the bath, when she told me that she could be a special someone for me if Ayano left me for some reason. She didn¡¯t understand that Ayano was irreplaceable.

    Still, from that day onward, me and Beth would often take a blanket and a lantern and sneak into the library after closing time on days when I wasn¡¯t being tutored. We indulged in quite a few romance novels after finishing Heroic Sisters. Priscilla gave me the key to the library because I told her that I was studying in my own time and that Beth was helping me, which was basically true. Having her warmth next to me was nice on nights where I didn¡¯t get to see Ayano. Still, when Beth¡¯s voice flowed into my ears, my mind couldn¡¯t help but wander elsewhere.

    ~~~

    ¡°You know your way around Jishian cooking, but when it comes to pasta, you¡¯re still not great. This spaghetti came out overcooked and the sauce is greasy. You didn¡¯t emulsify it properly, did you? It¡¯s very precise. Let¡¯s go over the steps again.¡±

    Even though I was still getting much better at cooking, Hugo would still rant at me like this every now and then. It made sense, there was always room for improvement, and even though I learned quickly and seemed to enjoy and understand cooking better than most things, I was still basically just a beginner. Still, it was a little deflating. My plate of spaghetti looked fine to me.

    Wait, no it didn¡¯t. Glancing at it for more than a second, it looked soggy and oily. It looked like garbage, just as he had said. I hate it when he¡¯s right, and he always is.

    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

    ¡°You know the drill. Eat it.¡±

    ¡°Yeah yeah, okay¡­ I will in a bit. Not hungry right now.¡±

    He always asked me to ¡®eat my mistakes¡¯ as it were, but I don¡¯t know why I had to eat something so disgusting, even if it was my fault that it turned out that way.

    ¡°Listen, Lilly¡­ I know you¡¯ve been chucking this food out for a while. In fact, I know you¡¯ve never once eaten one of your failed attempts. I check the bins. I didn¡¯t want to broach the topic because it¡¯s not *that* big of a deal in the end, but¡­¡±

    ¡°But what?¡±

    ¡°Well, I trust you more now, so I¡¯ll explain my concern. Because at first, I thought you weren¡¯t serious, but I began to realise that you¡¯re capable and willing to improve as a cook. Listen, I get it, being a cook can be hard, especially if you¡¯re cooking for someone else. It¡¯s even harder when you¡¯re cooking for strangers, harder still when you¡¯re cooking for the nobility, and then, cooking for the crown princess herself? It¡¯s an absurd pressure. I understand all too well the need to be absolutely perfect, each and every time. When you serve someone a meal, it has to be exactly as they expect it to be. There can be no room for mistakes, so¡­ I can see the temptation to pretend that your mistakes don¡¯t exist. Even if it¡¯s just a practice dish.¡±

    ¡°... It just doesn¡¯t look good. I can see how I need to improve just by looking at it. I just cook stuff that I know I can make whenever I¡¯m cooking for Lady Ayano. Tasting my failures doesn¡¯t seem useful.¡±

    ¡°... I hope you realise that I¡¯m talking about more than just cooking at this point, Lilly. This is about life.¡±

    ¡°... Huh?¡±

    He grumbled and placed both of his palms to his face, rubbing and massaging his face as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. I had never seen him struggle to come up with words before.

    ¡°... You can¡¯t improve as a cook, and more importantly, improve as a person, if you don¡¯t accept your own failures. Yes, a failed meal is nasty. But it¡¯s still edible. It¡¯s not that bad. And it¡¯s important you fully understand the consequences of your failures first hand. Because your failures are nothing to be ashamed of, they¡¯re¡­ Listen, mistakes are there to help you grow. Mistakes are good. Mistakes are the beating heart of life. That¡¯s why you need to accept them.¡±

    ¡°... I thought you were just a chef, not my philosophy teacher.¡±

    ¡°... Sorry to just come out with all that, Lilly. I¡¯ve been thinking about it for¡­ Well, it¡¯s a lesson my own teacher drilled into me. It¡¯s what I live by. I wanted to teach it to you, too. If you¡¯re going to be a chef, that¡¯s a way of life. And every way of life has its own philosophy behind it.¡±

    ¡°... I see¡­ Oh! Sorry Hugo, Ayano is calling me. Gotta go! Sorry to cut the conversation short, okay!¡±

    I was lying. Only I could hear the handmaiden¡¯s bell, so I could lie about it and nobody but Ayano herself could call me out. I hung up my apron and hurried out of the kitchen, and I avoided Hugo for the rest of the day.

    I can¡¯t exactly accept the types of mistakes that I¡¯ve made in life. Must be nice to not be a monster.

    ~~~

    I was a seed meant to wither in the darkness,

    No sunlight, no love,

    I am tainted,

    My nectar is venom,

    My thorns are sharp,

    I am poison,

    And I want everything.

    But it¡¯s different now,

    You planted me in your soil,

    Stung by my poison,

    You nourished me,

    Watered my parched throat,

    Let me feel that warm glow,

    You expected little,

    Despite sacrificing much,

    You did what you shouldn¡¯t have done,

    And saved this tainted, withered me.

    Now I know that I am a seed meant to bloom in the light,

    I want to return everything twice over,

    I am pure,

    My nectar is sugar,

    My thorns protect you,

    I am love,

    I want only you.

    Ayano, you are my eternity

    I love you I love you I love you,

    I can write because of you,

    It¡¯s awesome!

    Not even the universe can split us apart!

    My everything belongs to you!

    <3

    Finally, in the deepest depths of winter, I finished my poem. It had taken a lot out of me, it being my first real piece of creative writing. I think it started off well, but, was it too much at the end there?

    Nah, of course not, if anything it didn¡¯t convey the full extent of my feelings enough!

    I had been writing it in the library, a rare day where I was with neither Priscilla nor Beth. I had a blanket, and the warm, flickering flame of a lantern kept me comfortable. It was past midnight, and since I was so close to finishing it, I had decided to spend a little extra time to get it done. My handwriting was slow and I wanted to make sure every word was spelt correctly and conveyed my feelings properly. So it was that, as soon as I put down my pen, I laid my head down on the table and fell asleep.

    I awoke to the sound of the handmaiden¡¯s bell. It was a cold morning, frost forming on the windows, the flame of my lantern had long since gone out and it was completely freezing. Seeing the poem in front of me, I quickly snatched it up and headed in the direction of the bell¡­ Ayano seemed to be outside? I saw her out of the window as I headed out through the lobby. She was with several bodyguards, and some maids were helping her carry luggage into her private limo. I rubbed my eyes and yawned as I cautiously stepped outside into the chill air of this winter morning. I could warm myself by heating my blood, but I still wanted to avoid using my powers if possible. I wanted to distance myself from them as much as I could now.

    ¡°Heya Ayano¡­¡±

    I placed my hand to my mouth and yawned as I mumbled out a greeting. Ayano turned to look at me, and walked up the steps to greet me. We were standing just out of earshot of the others outside with us.

    ¡°There you are. Listen, Lilly, I don¡¯t have much time. Late last night I received an emergency summons from the Queen. It seems my mother wants to meet with me. I¡¯ll be gone from the manor for about a week.¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ Gotcha. Want me to come with?¡±

    ¡°... I think you¡¯re better off focusing on your studies here. Besides, it¡¯s not like we¡¯d have much time to spend time with each other anyway.¡±

    ¡°Fair enough. I think it would be cool to see the capital and meet the Queen and stuff, but that makes sense¡­ It¡¯s all just gonna be stuffy nobles anyway.¡±

    ¡°The stuffiest nobles!¡±

    ¡°Mmm. Oh, before I forget, I was up last night writing this. I¡¯ve¡­ Actually been working on it for a while. Priscilla told me I should practise my writing, so I thought I¡¯d try writing you a poem¡­ Sorry that it¡¯s¡­ Amateur.¡±

    I handed the paper to Ayano, who gently took it from me.

    ¡°That¡¯s very kind of you, Lilly! And¡­ I can really see that your handwriting has been coming along. Let¡¯s head indoors, I¡¯ll give it a quick read¡­ But I need to be gone in about ten minutes.¡±

    ¡°Gotcha.¡±

    I followed Ayano inside and we sat in the guest area, a room with comfortable seating where visiting nobles would be served tea and snacks to entertain them before the party or the audience with the crown prince or princess. It was directly next to the lobby entrance and it was empty currently, so it made sense. Ayano looked over the poem, nodding her head along. When she finished, I expected her to smile, or laugh at how silly it was, or praise me again for putting in the effort. Instead, she had an apologetic, almost pained look on her face.

    ¡°... There¡¯s something I¡¯ve been meaning to talk to you about for¡­ A fair while, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Oh? Something to do with the poem?¡±

    ¡°N-No, not really. It¡¯s a nice poem. I like it. If you¡¯re this good already, I¡¯m sure you could get even better. And it¡¯s my first time seeing your handwriting. It¡¯s already splendid. Simple and precise, none of the excessively cursive lines I¡¯m used to seeing. No this is¡­ About us.¡±

    ¡°Okay. I¡¯m listening.¡±

    ¡°... So, as I¡¯ve said, it¡¯s been on my mind for a while. But with my mother summoning me now, I can¡¯t help but think that¡­ Listen, Lilly, she¡¯s old. She¡¯s bedridden, and¡­ She could die of natural causes any day now.¡±

    ¡°... So you think she may be summoning you to discuss her death with you.¡±

    ¡°Mmm. That¡¯s right. If that happens, I¡¯ll¡­ Become Queen, it¡¯ll be effective more or less immediately. As it is, I already run a lot of the country for her, but¡­ In addition to all the work I already do, there will be extra responsibilities¡­ I¡¯ll be living in the capital, and¡­ I¡¯ll be expected to entertain not only the domestic guests who already visit me, but foreign guests as well. The events I put on will have more ceremony to it, more planning, more extravagance. And I¡¯ll be expected to put them on more often. I¡¯ll be an untouchable entity. If I am to have a lover, they¡¯ll be discovered immediately. We wouldn¡¯t be able to keep our relationship an open secret the way we currently do. The public, the nobility, the rest of my family, they¡­ They wouldn¡¯t accept me having a woman for a lover. Let alone the fact that you¡¯re a commoner and a Monstra. So I¡¯d need a noble man, preferably royalty. Someone they could call King, someone with whom I could produce an heir, even though¡­ Well, man or woman, I¡¯m incapable of producing an heir.¡±

    ¡°I see.¡±

    Ayano sighed deeply. I could see the pain on her face, I could see how she tried to avoid looking at me. Her words washed over me. All I could see was a woman who was afraid to get close. I placed a hand on her cheek, turning her face so that she could look at me. Then I took her hands into mine, using my thumb to stroke her skin.

    ¡°We¡¯re probably not going to work out, Lilly. For as long as I¡¯m still a Princess, we can be together, but¡­ I don¡¯t want you to get your hopes up, and¡­ I¡¯ve learned a lot about who you are and what you want¡­ And I just think¡­ Maybe, even before I become Queen, maybe¡­ Maybe we should¡­¡±

    ¡°Ayano¡­ Those words, that¡­ Art I produced for you. They¡­ Didn¡¯t just come from nowhere. They¡¯re my words. They¡¯re words that I spent many long nights thinking about. My genuine feelings. Maybe it¡¯s unsophisticated, but¡­ The way I write, the way I feel things, it¡¯s¡­ Very strong, very clear, and very direct. I love you. And I don¡¯t care about social norms. I don¡¯t care if you¡¯re Queen. I don¡¯t care if we might have less time together in the future, or even no time at all, I¡­ I will follow you to the capital. I will continue serving you, and, secretly, I will continue loving you in my heart as your lover. And¡­ Given that I¡¯m a Monstra, I¡¯m sure you can justify giving me special attention¡­ I¡¯ll fight any wars, I¡¯ll go to Grisia all by myself if I have to, battle against impossible odds, and I¡¯ll win anyway, because¡­ Because I have you at the end of that battle, and those Monstra will have nothing because they love nothing. That¡¯s why I¡¯ll beat them every time.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re so much more to me than just a tool, Lilly¡­ I don¡¯t¡­ Want to take advantage of your power, or your love. But as Queen, I¡­ Wouldn¡¯t be able to show you the love you¡¯d need. I¡¯d have to think of the nation, the bigger picture. I¡¯d frequently be forced to make the choice to sacrifice your wellbeing for the greater good. I brought you here because I thought you would be helpful against the Monstra, yes¡­ But after getting to know you I¡­ I know that¡­ I can¡¯t¡­ I¡­ I just can¡¯t¡­¡±

    ¡°To serve you is what I want. Because of that, it¡¯s impossible for you to take advantage of me. I know you, Ayano. And even though you don¡¯t trust yourself, I¡­ I know you¡¯re someone who will make the best choices. For me, yourself, and the nation. You¡¯re a thoughtful person like that.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m really not¡­¡±

    ¡°Ayano¡­ Is this¡­ About¡­¡±

    I trailed off. This subject hadn¡¯t been broached since she first opened up to me about it, and I didn¡¯t want to open up old wounds with my assumptions.

    ¡°Hmm?¡±

    ¡°... This is about Julia, isn¡¯t it¡­ That¡¯s what it¡¯s always really been about.¡±

    ¡°... So what if it is?¡±

    I brought Ayano into an embrace at this point, pulling her in close, rubbing her back. Tears were welling up in my eyes, and I think they were in hers too.

    ¡°Listen Ayano, you¡¯re not the same-¡±

    ¡°Lady Ayano! It¡¯s really time for us to get going!¡± Shouted someone who I presumed was a bodyguard from the lobby.

    Ayano quickly pulled away and wiped her eyes, standing up.

    ¡°I¡¯m really really sorry to cut this short¡­ I had to bring this up at such a terrible time¡­ We¡¯ll talk about this more when I get back.¡±

    ¡°... Okay. Just know that I will always love you. Nothing will tear us apart. Ever. We¡¯ll find a solution and work through this.¡±

    ¡°... Just¡­ Don¡¯t get your hopes up too high, Lilly¡­¡±

    With that, she left me alone in the cold, empty guest room. It suddenly felt so vast with her gone from it. The warmth of her touch was rapidly stolen away from me by the winter air. I yawned, emotions spinning and swimming around inside me in quiet turmoil as I looked out the window and watched her limo drive away.

    I sneezed. I needed a hot bath and some proper sleep.

 Chapter 15- Ayano

    I was taking a walk on the manor grounds late at night. It was warm but there was a chill breeze, galaxies filled with countless stars were shining down upon me in a glorious swirl of colours. My heart hadn¡¯t felt so free of worry in quite some time. Lilies of all different colours grew around me, starting as seedlings and rapidly growing and blooming and caressing my bare feet. I looked down at them and smiled, and when I looked up, I saw the lake. It didn¡¯t have an official name, it was small and it wasn¡¯t really utilised. But I supposed it would be fair to refer to it as Lake Belfonse. I liked that name. Belfonse. Ayano. Ayano La Belfonse¡­ I whispered my own name under my breath. It made me feel warm and fuzzy just hearing myself say it.

    I approached the lake and knelt down next to the water. The surface was so still that I could see my reflection in it as clearly as I could if  I was looking in a mirror, the stars behind my reflection, framing it with even more beauty. Because I was beautiful. I loved myself so much I could kiss me. In fact, that¡¯s what I decided to do. I leaned down, lips puckered, and my reflection leaned in in turn, powerless to resist in the mimicking of my actions. I blinked. Suddenly, I wasn¡¯t looking at myself anymore. I was looking at a boy with a stubbly beard and scraggly brown hair.

    I flinched and scrambled back to my feet. He was just looking at me silently, staring at me, accusing me. He wasn¡¯t mimicking my facial expressions.

    ¡°... Lawrence?¡±

    Ripples in the water began to distort his image, and I looked up, taking my eyes off of him to see what had disturbed the water. A body, laying face down in the water, motionless. Long brown silky hair, a maid dress. I knew who it was. The lilies had grown all around the lake, they were as tall as trees now, no, bigger, their petals were blocking out the stars, towering over me. As the silver moonlight shone through the petals, the light turned gold. But it hardly looked like daylight. It was too artificial.

    But I didn¡¯t care about that. I jumped into the water, and even though it still looked clear, it felt like swimming through tar. It was also as though something were below me, dragging me down, some invisible force at my feet. I struggled to keep my head above the water, but I soon found myself next to the body.

    ¡°No no no, Julia, wake up¡­¡± I said, but I don¡¯t think any sound escaped my lips as I tried to to turn over the body.

    I saw her face. It wasn¡¯t Julia. Her eyes opened. Purple. I remained frozen in place as we looked into each others eyes. Her expression was just like Lawrence¡¯s. Staring at me, judging me. The gaze was inscrutable in some respects, but a part of me knew exactly what she was thinking.

    ¡°Lady Ayano¡­¡±

    Then her mouth opened, and it continued to open, and open, and open, the darkness and the rows upon rows of endless teeth filling my vision entirely. I looked behind me and realised that I was deep inside her, the stars above a tiny blink of light in the distance.

    ¡°Lady Ayano.¡±

    I felt my skull crunch as her teeth clamped down on me.

    ¡°Ayano!¡±

    I awoke with a start, flinging my head forward, narrowly avoiding headbutting my bodyguard, who was gently trying to shake me awake.

    ¡°Lady Ayano! We¡¯ve arrived at the imperial palace. Are you alright? You looked distressed.¡±

    My head was throbbing, as though I were still recovering from those teeth biting into me. But as I regained awareness, I otherwise seemed to be fine.

    ¡°J-Just a bad dream¡­ Please fetch me some water and some painkillers¡­¡± I muttered as I was helped out of the limo.

    ¡°Certainly. But do remember, we have a lot of events planned this week. Are you sure you¡¯ll be well enough?¡±

    ¡°... Yeah. I will be.¡±

    I had to be.

    ~~~

    Indeed, there was a lot to do. I had come here to have an audience with my mother, but it wasn¡¯t until three days after I arrived that I was scheduled to see her. So, the intervening time was spent conversing with nobles who didn¡¯t come to visit me for one reason or another, having interviews with the press, eating at grand banquets. The palace itself was both a familiar and unfamiliar place to me. I had not been here since becoming Ayano, and even if my perspective of the palace hadn¡¯t been mirrored, it was such a large, grand, and labyrinthine building that I still would have needed help navigating the place. In my memory, I had remembered halls that felt as big as open fields, food that tasted like the best thing the universe had to offer, artwork in the form of paintings and statues that felt like they were crafted by the very gods. I remembered gold and silver and diamonds and rubies, sapphires and emeralds, chandeliers worth more than what a commoner will make in their lifetime, and endless rooms to discover.

    I had thought that, now that I was an adult, my perspective may have changed, but during my time here I realised that the palace was still exactly that kind of place. Hell, even the guest room I was staying in was twice as large and even more grand than my room at the manor. They even appointed two handmaidens to take care of my needs, and they insisted on doing practically everything for me. I half expected them to start cutting my food for me and feeding it to me, much like what I had done for Lilly when she first arrived at the manor. Luckily, they didn¡¯t offer to do that, so I was at least afforded some dignity.

    The days were so busy that they passed by in a haze, so I barely had time to reflect on my nightmare or my last conversation with Lilly. But on the day when I was finally being led up to the throne room to see my mother, I thought about how crazy my time at the palace had been, about how a place like this would completely swallow the rest of my short life. If I was this busy as a princess who was merely visiting, then what would it be like if I was Queen? Mother was expected to work even though she was old and sick and still did a lot, even if I had been bearing many of her burdens from the manor.

    Escorting me to the throne room was a platoon of about 20 knights, all wearing decorative armour and carrying spears. I preferred my bodyguards in suits, I felt much safer around guns and mages, but the heart of the monarchy was still deeply rooted in antiquated tradition. I was going to have to make a lot of reforms to ensure that Selicia kept up with the times.

    The doors to the throne room were about as tall as a three story building, and decorated with a stained glass depiction of the Selician crown. It definitely had a gaudy religious vibe to it, then again, it was believed that a goddess bestowed the Belfonse family with the duty of protecting and ruling Selicia. I wasn¡¯t so sure if I believed in any power higher than the spirits, however.

    ¡°Your majesty Ayano La Belfonse, the appointed time has now arrived for you to have your audience with her majesty Queen Angelica La Belfonse the Second. May your meeting be blessed by the Goddess, and protected by her spirits.¡±

    The knight who spoke bowed, prompting the rest of the knights to bow. Two maids and two butlers pushed open the door to the throne room. It was large and grand, but completely empty. An opaque blue curtain at the back of the room hid the throne, likely because the Queen wanted to remain out of sight whilst she was in her sickly state. As I stepped inside, the doors were closed behind me, and the curtains were parted.

    As the throne came into view, I saw a woman sitting upon it. A large, flowing white dress draped itself down the stairs leading up to the golden throne. She was wearing the crown, adorned with the one and only known selicianite gemstone, said to be bestowed upon the Belfonse family by the goddess herself. Said to hold divine magical power, it served as the object that legitimised the crown itself as a symbol of holy authority. It was definitely pretty, a perfectly cut gemstone that seemed to change colours depending on how the light hit it, releasing a light that looked like a rainbow.

    Stolen novel; please report.

    The woman was wearing a mask, too. White and smooth, it seemed to be made of porcelain. It was completely featureless save for a set of pitch black eyes crafted to have a vaguely feminine look to them.

    I walked across the purple carpet, up until it ended about 30 feet away from the stairs leading up to the throne. Two torches sitting on marble sconces were lit next to me, producing a pleasant, scented smoke. I knelt down on one knee, fist on the ground, looking at the floor, remaining absolutely still. I knew that I was to wait until spoken to.

    But, it wasn¡¯t the figure sitting on the throne that next addressed me. Instead, a person stepped out from behind the throne, someone who I hadn¡¯t noticed before. They were wearing a mask that I assumed was meant to be a masculine counterpart to the mask the person on the throne was wearing. He also wore long, black robes and black gloves, as though he were meant to stand out as little as possible. When he spoke, his calm, yet powerful voice resonated through the room, possibly thanks to the mask.

    ¡°My daughter, Ayano. It is a pleasure to see you again after all these years. Please, follow my aide, the one speaking to you. I wish to meet with you in person.¡±

    ¡°... Are you really so ill that you need an aide to communicate through others, mother?¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m afraid so, my darling. My voice has completely left me. I must communicate by sending my thoughts telepathically to him. Never mind the thing on the throne. It is but a doll to maintain appearances.¡±

    With that, the man turned around, beckoning me with his hand for me to follow. And so I did, through another set of curtains behind the throne, through a silver archway. Finally, I found a large, ornate bed, the person laying on it silhouetted by a set of curtains that surrounded the bed frame. The man sat down on a chair next to the bed, folding his hands on his lap. From a side room, a man and a woman, both dressed in white, leading me to assume that one was a doctor and the other a nurse, stepped towards the bed, and pulled on a cord that pulled apart the bed curtains.

    With this, I saw her. My mother. The Queen. The woman who I remembered being young and healthy, the maternal figure I hadn¡¯t seen since I had become Ayano. She was old and withered, wrinkled and shrunken. She already looked like she had been a corpse for some time, but I could just about see her chest rising and falling. Just barely breathing. Overwhelmed with emotion, I quietly knelt next to the bed, looking into her small, pale blue eyes intensely as I took her frail hand into my own, stroking her gently with my thumb.

    ¡°You¡¯re in a worse state than I could have possibly imagined, mother¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes,¡± said the aide sitting behind me, ¡°I am. It is part of the reason why I called you, but there are other reasons I would like to get to first. You have been wishing for an audience for some time. Would you like to re-explain your reasons why?¡±

    ¡°... Mother, I hardly want to talk about¡­ Taxes¡­ And global politics right now¡­¡±

    ¡°I know it is difficult, my darling. But you must. Let us get this out of the way, hmm?¡±

    ¡°... Well¡­ You saw my proposed tax budgets. You saw my proposals for tax funded institutions that could raise the standard of living for the average citizen. If Zeer truly intends to make trade difficult for us, then, I feel like that budget is our only choice¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes. I did see it, Ayano. And by looking at them I can already tell that you will be a wise and just Queen.¡±

    ¡°You are too.¡±

    ¡°Perhaps, but¡­ As a ruler, you also need strength. And as you can see, I plainly lack that. The noble class would never agree to this tax budget were I to propose them. But¡­ When you become Queen, you may just be able to get them to agree.¡±

    ¡°... Even if you¡¯re going to die soon, I don¡¯t want our citizens to have to suffer in the meantime-¡±

    ¡°It may be another few years before I die. But I am sure you and the citizens can persevere until then. If¡­ If you can truly defeat the Monstra in that time, then that should ease many burdens on their lives. I know you wish to help them right now, I know it pains you to think of our citizens starving or dying of sickness. But, sometimes patience is required for joy to truly flourish. It is painful. But that is sometimes the reality of things.¡±

    ¡°I just¡­ I don¡¯t like it¡­¡±

    ¡°Neither do I. Our ancestors¡­ They made a mistake when they decided that bloodlines were more important than merit and empathy. Even I have come to disbelieve in the legitimacy of the Selician royal family. But even though we do not deserve our status, we have to work within the reality we have. And we¡­ Or rather, you, can use your power to improve the world. Remember that.¡±

    ¡°... So. No tax reform.¡±

    ¡°I am sorry, Ayano¡­ Now. Listen. Even just talking to you through my aide, I am growing weak and tired. So I would like to get through this quickly¡­ You are old enough now, and this may be our last ever meeting, so I would like to explain to you the truth behind your father¡¯s death.¡±

    ¡°... I am listening, mother.¡±

    ¡°... Very well.¡±

    The aide turned to the doctor and the nurse.

    ¡°Please fetch me dinner.¡±

    The two left, and, within moments, they returned carrying a plate on a tray. And on that tray was a sliver of dry, grey meat. It smelt rancid. And yet, I could sense mana pooling around it.

    ¡°What you see there, Ayano, is a sliver of meat harvested from your Father.¡±

    ¡°... What?¡±

    ¡°When I fell ill¡­ It was determined that I would die in months. You were still a child. Hardly of proper age to rule. Somebody such as Ferdinand could take your place, but, we saw the potential in you even back then, and we wanted it to be you. Me and your father made a pact with a spirit. We mutually agreed to allow your father to die¡­ And we lied, and said he died of an illness. In exchange for his death¡­ So long as I ate his flesh once every three days, my life would be extended. Extended just long enough to allow you to grow into a woman worthy of becoming a fine ruler.¡±

    Impaling the meat on a fork, the nurse fed the tiny sliver of meat to the Queen. She chewed once or twice, before forcing the meat down her throat, the nurse massaging her neck to ensure it went down smoothly. The Queen was subsequently offered a sip of water.

    ¡°...¡±

    This couldn¡¯t be happening. Neither mother nor father had been ill back when I was Lawrence. This mysterious illness had to just be one more thing that my little mirror stunt had inflicted. Since the Queen¡¯s sickness had only been announced a year after I became Ayano, it hadn¡¯t occurred to me that in this world, mother had likely been ill for years before that announcement. Tears ran down my face. This was my fault. This was just one more damn thing that was entirely my fault.

    ¡°Oh, mother¡­ You¡­ You both shouldn¡¯t have had to sacrifice yourself just for me¡­ Suffering for years and years, running a country when you should be dead¡­¡± I muttered.

    ¡°Ayano¡­ Listen to me. You are worth it. You are worth every second of my pain. You have grown into an intelligent, beautiful, strong, and incredible young woman, one more worthy of the throne than I ever was. My will wasn¡¯t there, but¡­ You may be the one who can work against the tides of tradition, improve lives, and save the world. You think about things more deeply and with more wisdom than I ever could. That is why I am okay with living this life. That is why me and your father are okay with giving you more time.¡±

    ¡°... This¡­ Cannibalism though, it¡¯s just¡­¡±

    ¡°Disgusting? Yes, it is. Even though he agreed to it, I often find myself missing him, wishing there could have been some other way. I do not feel any closer just because I am always eating parts of him. I can easily remind myself that it isn¡¯t even him. But¡­ Just know that he died willingly, and he died believing in you, and loving you ever so dearly.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve wasted all my time as Princess. I¡¯ve been helping you out as a ruler, serving as a representative, yes¡­ But I have stopped studying. I indulged in drugs, and even now I indulge in women who I can¡¯t love and commit to because I can¡¯t find it in me and I know you want me to marry a man who can be a King and-¡±

    ¡°... You must cease those thoughts, Ayano. You are hard on yourself. That leads to self discipline, which is positive. But too much discipline can lead to self flagellation, which helps no one at all. Forgive yourself for your sexuality. Forgive yourself for the fact that not every waking moment of your life has been spent as productively as it could have been. I know that you have not been shipping grass to your estate for many years now. I have met Georgia since she left you, and even though she was hurt, she forgives you and cherishes the time she had with you.¡±

    ¡°... You met her? Here?¡±

    ¡°Yes, I did. The local council in the imperial city was denying her the right to purchase a pottery store. So, leveraging the fact that she used to be your handmaiden, she demanded an audience with me. We talked for hours¡­ And I was able to grant her what she wanted. She had so much to say about you¡­¡±

    ¡°... I¡­ I don¡¯t like people talking about me constantly¡­ Exposing my personal life, gossiping behind my back, or sometimes right in front of me¡­ Georgia this, Lilly that¡­ When I become Queen, it¡¯ll only get worse. I¡¯ll have citizens criticising me for not finding a King and producing an heir, even though because of this stupid penis I won¡¯t be able to even if I do find it in me to stomach marrying a man¡­¡±

    ¡°You have every right to privacy, my daughter. But you must make your discomfort known¡­ Because when people talk about you, they do not do so maliciously. The population of Selicia adores you. Georgia adored you. I¡¯m sure this ¡®Lilly¡¯ does as well. We talk about you because we all love you and want you to be okay.¡±

    ¡°... I¡­ I¡¯ve been thinking about breaking up with Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°Because you cannot handle a relationship with her whilst you¡¯re Queen?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right¡­¡±

    ¡°There is always time for love in the life of any human, Ayano. If you truly love each other, you will find that time. But¡­ If you cannot find it within yourself to be with her, then¡­ Well, you must set her free sooner rather than later. Do what you think is right, my love.¡±

    ¡°... Okay¡­¡±

    ¡°I wish we could talk more, Ayano¡­ But my audiences¡­ They get shorter and shorter¡­ The time I can spend awake rapidly shrinks as the months go by¡­ Please. Enjoy the rest of your time as Princess. Think deeply. Do what you think is right. I¡­ I love you, my¡­ My¡­ Angel¡­¡±

    With that, not only did my mother close her eyes, but so did the aide, slumping in his chair.

    The doctor and the nurse solemnly nodded at me, and gestured towards the exit.

    Getting to my feet, I had one last look at the sleeping Queen. Tears still running down my face, I smiled.

    ¡°... I love you as well, mother¡­¡±

    My sleep that night was restless. I found myself awoken from nightmares about Lilly and Georgia and Julia and eating my father and having my hands nailed to a throne and of being watched by disembodied eyes. My sleep was like that for the next couple of days. I attended some events, and cancelled others, trying to scrape together as much time for myself as I could get away with. I needed whatever slivers of sleep and quiet I could get.

    I thought a lot about Lilly in my waking moments. And as I was stepping back into the limo, ready to drive back to the manor, I had finally formed one key, solidified thought.

    I had to stop playing games. I had to break up with her.

 Chapter 16- Priscilla

    When Ayano left for the imperial capital, I could tell just by watching Lilly that they had had the sort of conversation that Lilly did not want to hear. I wasn¡¯t exactly able to pry any information out of her, though- Not that I tried to force the topic. This was because Lilly had spent a few days not working due to catching a cold, so she stayed in her room. Beth decided to stay with her during that time. They¡¯d really grown to enjoy reading together, which was good. I think. Lilly needed more close friends, and it would serve as good practice outside of our tutoring sessions. Still, I couldn¡¯t help but feel just a tiny twinge of jealousy.

    About halfway through the week, it was my turn to bring some soup up to Lilly¡¯s room. Her condition didn¡¯t seem to be improving much, so I had organised a doctor to come visit so that he could check her condition and offer her appropriate medicine. But it was as I was about to knock on the door to announce my presence that I heard a muffled conversation on the other side of the door.

    ¡°... I¡¯m sorry Beth. I¡¯m not in the state to be thinking about that sort of thing.¡±

    ¡°... But¡­ Lilly, you just told me yourself, Lady Ayano is done with you, right?¡±

    My ears perked up at that. Was Ayano really pulling another Georgia? I gently placed my ear to the door and continued to eavesdrop.

    ¡°She didn¡¯t say that¡­ She just¡­ Doesn¡¯t know how she can manage both me and my work¡­ That¡¯s all¡­ She still loves me so we can make it work¡­ I¡¯m sorry Beth¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have confided in that with you. It¡¯s something between me and her and¡­ We haven¡¯t fully figured it out yet because she¡¯s in the capital right now¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have made you think that you had a chance with me because¡­ My heart lies with her¡­ But I still consider you a close friend Beth, I-¡±

    ¡°Lilly! This might be selfish of me to say but, you need to let go of her! It¡¯s not going to work out. As a nation, we¡¯ve all known that the Queen could die at any moment¡­ She could survive for years, or she might die tomorrow, her life is in such a fragile condition¡­ Ayano is right, it won¡¯t work, and¡­ Even if she wasn¡¯t the future Queen, Lady Ayano just¡­ Listen, everyone knows that she just doesn¡¯t love the way someone like me or you does¡­¡±

    ¡°In what way?¡±

    ¡°... She doesn¡¯t stay with people for long. She always eventually puts people at arm''s length. Or never lets them in at all. I wasn¡¯t even working here at the same time as Georgia, you¡¯re the first relationship I¡¯ve seen her in, but¡­ Hearing the stories, looking at how she acts, it¡¯s obvious. It¡¯s obvious to everyone but you. Everyone who sleeps with her is just happy to get a chance to spend a night with the crown princess herself. Nobody in their right mind expects anything more than a cheap thrill like that-¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t call Ayano cheap!¡± Lilly exclaimed, before descending into a coughing fit.

    ¡°S-Sorry Lilly, I shouldn¡¯t have riled you up like that¡­ Here, have a glass of water¡­¡±

    ¡°T-Thank you. Don¡¯t apologise to me though¡­ Listen, Beth, I think you should-¡±

    It was here that I decided to knock on the door.

    ¡°Priscilla here. Have some soup here for you, Lilly! Want me to come in with it?¡± I cheerfully asked, pretending that I hadn¡¯t heard their conversation.

    In a few moments, Beth opened the door, trying to hide her teary eyed face as she pushed past me and quickly walked away, not saying a word. She nearly caused me to spill the soup!

    ¡°... Ah, seems I came at a bad time,¡± I said, placing the tray of soup down on Lilly¡¯s lap, who was sitting upright in bed, wearing her nightie.

    She had a very pale complexion, and even though she wasn¡¯t crying, I could tell just by looking at her that she was under a great deal of emotional stress.

    ¡°Want me to stay and help you eat, or-¡±

    Lilly interrupted me with a sneeze, sadly getting some snot into the soup. She reached over to her bedside table and picked up a very crusty looking handkerchief, which she used to blow her nose again. She grimaced at what she had done to the soup before trying to fish out the snot onto the tray with a spoon. Only then did she finally take a sip of the mildly spicy, hearty chicken and vegetable soup.

    ¡°How much did you¡­ Hear?¡±

    Now that her voice didn¡¯t sound muffled to me, I only now realised that her voice was very weak and hoarse. Seemed like she might have a proper flu. Beth was probably going to pass it along to everyone else in the manor at this rate, me too, for that matter. Even though I rarely got sick, I could easily still carry the virus.

    ¡°... I won¡¯t lie to you, Lilly, I heard all of it. I wasn¡¯t trying to spy on you and Beth though.¡±

    I wasn¡¯t going to bring it up if Lilly hadn¡¯t asked. I felt a little guilty, because in addition to my natural curiosity, I had spied on the conversation for my mission, too.

    ¡°... Well, knowing you, it was probably obvious what was going on between me and Ayano anyway. As for Beth, though¡­ I didn¡¯t think she would¡­ Tell me that she loves me. She¡¯s always been so harsh to me. I¡¯m used to people not liking me. I thought Ayano was the only person in this world who could like scum like-¡±

    ¡°- Lilly, you¡¯re a very attractive person, in every sense. I like you too. I love you, even.¡±

    ¡°Oh. Jeez¡­ A-Another one¡­¡± Lilly coughed, ¡°L-Listen, I don¡¯t know where all this is coming from, but my heart-¡±

    ¡°- Belongs to Ayano, yes. I wasn¡¯t about to say that you should return the feelings to me. You didn¡¯t let me finish at all, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°... Sorry¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. I was going to say that¡­ You¡¯re a very attractive person, and I¡¯m happy to cheer you up when you¡¯re ill and feeling vulnerable, but¡­ Neither Ayano nor anybody else is going to love you if you keep travelling down a path of self hatred.¡±

    ¡°... Priscilla, you know, I won¡¯t get too deeply into it, but¡­ All my life, people have treated me like something dangerous. Like scum that needs to be beaten down. Sometimes I¡¯ve been treated badly for no reason at all. My earliest memories are of children telling me I¡¯m disgusting, because they heard that I did something as a baby that I cannot remember and that they were not there to witness. I try to be nice because I don¡¯t like being cruel. I don¡¯t like being cruel because I still vividly remember those decades of suffering at the hands of the Leywoods¡­ But it honestly feels like this very power that I¡¯m maligned for is the only worthwhile thing I have. To be honest, I¡­ Could cure this illness anytime I like¡­ But I don¡¯t, because I promised myself I¡¯d stop using my Monstra powers unless Ayano explicitly asked me to use them¡­ And also because¡­ I want an excuse to not have to face the world right now¡­¡±

    ¡°I know you¡¯ve dealt with prejudice and abuse in the past, but nobody here maligns you. Just¡­ Lilly, I¡­ Want so desperately to remind you that you¡¯re cute. That you work hard, that you learn, that you¡¯re polite and funny and easy to talk to and confide in. And we all know that you¡¯re trying to maintain all these positive qualities about yourself despite your history, despite your nature. But your nature, the¡­ Monstra side of you, is still you. It¡¯s not your only positive quality¡­ And maybe it¡¯s only been a negative your entire life. But it can be a positive quality, if you want it to be. You could use it to do so much good in the world. And I don¡¯t just mean defeating other Monstra.¡±

    ¡°... I mean¡­ Maybe I could still use my Monstra powers more¡­ It¡¯s pretty dumb that I don¡¯t use them in situations such as minor illnesses, but¡­ I don¡¯t really trust myself with them¡­¡±

    ¡°People might be afraid of you if you use them too much. I get that. But that¡¯s why it¡¯s also important to deepen your relationships with those of us here, so that we will trust you. Instead, you¡¯re hiding them and pushing people away because you¡¯re pursuing what I can promise you is a lost cause. Do you expect your devotion to Ayano to impress me? Impress anyone?¡±

    ¡°... Maybe not, but¡­ My devotion, as you say, has really helped me be a better person¡­ I haven¡¯t felt my blood boiling in months, I feel *genuinely* happy, I don¡¯t feel like I¡¯m putting on an act, my urges have calmed down significantly, I really, truly, do not feel like hurting anyone, and just¡­ She¡¯s really improved me¡­¡±

    ¡°... Or maybe the manor did. Think about the environment as a whole, and everyone in it, not just one person. And think, you are still under slave contract, but you have been living more freely, am I right?¡±

    ¡°... Yes. I suppose. But were it not for Ayano, I¡­ I may have killed everyone here, just to stick it to the nobility, because I-¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not that sort of person, Lilly. Even if you had total freedom, I don¡¯t think you would hurt anyone.¡±

    She shuffled uncomfortably in reaction to that question, averting her gaze from me.

    ¡°Perhaps not. But I am capable of killing. I¡¯ve killed before. I killed Gloria Leywood and her innocent handmaid. Just because she pissed me off-¡±

    ¡°And you feel guilty about it. If you actually were a Monstra, you wouldn¡¯t feel that sort of guilt.¡±

    ¡°... I think you¡¯re offering me too much charitability.¡±

    ¡°I think you¡¯re not offering yourself enough.¡±

    I sat on the bed and placed my hand to her cheek, moving her head to face me.

    ¡°I understand that your life experience has been very narrow and very awful, Lilly¡­ Ayano is the first person to truly love you, isn¡¯t she?¡±

    She nodded.

    ¡°But there¡¯s a world of possibilities out there. Billions of people, thousands of whom could fall deeply in love with you, if you¡¯d just let them. You don¡¯t have to cling to what you have. You don¡¯t have to be chained down by the past. You can strive for something better, even if moving outside of your comfort zone is scary. Want me to show you that there are other people out there besides Ayano?¡±

    ¡°... There might be other people out there, but nobody is as special as Ayano. Peasant or Princess, she is-¡±

    I interrupted her with a kiss, tasting the flavour of the soup as my tongue locked with hers. She weakly tried to wrestle away, but I forced the dance of tongues to continue on for a few long, luxurious seconds. As she gave in and returned the kiss, I realised that her technique was an exact mirror to Ayano¡¯s. Lilly had been taught well by the Princess, and I knew exactly how to be a good partner in this particular waltz of tongues. Eventually, I pulled away, letting a thin trail of saliva connect our mouths. It was sexier when it was a little messy.

    ¡°... You¡¯ll get sick¡­¡±

    ¡°Not if you cure yourself. And then we can have a lot more fun.¡±

    ¡°... Priscilla, I¡­ I really don¡¯t want to use it¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s a shame. Because *it* is just you. Do you need more convincing?¡±

    ¡°No I don¡¯t- Ah! Priscilla! This is too sudden!¡±

    <3 <3 <3

    I moved the soup to the bedside table and buried myself underneath Lilly¡¯s duvet, crawling between her legs and pulling up her nightie. Even when sick, her pussy was already beginning to get slick with arousal. I wasted no time, extending my tongue to kiss her lower set of lips. I licked up and down the slit, having a proper taste of Lilly¡¯s delicious lewdness, my nose completely enveloped by her scent. I¡¯m not sure why, but the handmaid was just completely intoxicating, more enjoyable to lick than anyone else I have ever given oral to, even Ayano. I had only intended to tease her a little, just enough to test the waters, but soon, I was completely addicted, my lips clamping around her pussy, using every technique at my disposal. Swirling my tongue around her clit, lightly nibbling it with my teeth, massaging circles into her clit with my thumb whenever my tongue found itself dragging across her slit. Soon, my face was practically buried in her slender thighs, cushioned by that silky soft skin, as my tongue began to lightly penetrate her passage. I could feel her legs clamp around me, as did her vaginal walls as they tried to suck my tongue in deep, directing me straight to Lilly¡¯s sensitive spots in dire need of my loving attention.

    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

    ¡°P-Priscilla¡­ Why are you doing this¡­ It feels wrong¡­¡±

    I popped my head out of the duvet, grinning as I looked up at her. I must have looked so different compared to how serene and composed I usually was, and, frankly, I wanted to drive that dissonance home as much as possible, show Lilly a side of my self that not even Ayano got to see, given how tense, quiet, and decidedly lacking in playfulness my sexual encounters with her were.

    ¡°What¡¯s wrong about it?¡±

    ¡°... W-Were you really just waiting on the sidelines for this to happen, Priscilla, were you rooting for my relationship with her to fail?¡±

    ¡°I want both of you to be happy, Lilly. If that happiness isn¡¯t found with each other, then¡­ I can support her as a maid, and you as a tutor and as a lover. Ayano has experience and she¡­ Knows how to find connection when she needs it. You, however, lack that right now.¡±

    I offered her another lick, I felt her body quiver as an involuntary moan escaped her lips.

    ¡°P-Please stop, it feels t-too good¡­¡±

    ¡°Hmm? So you admit it then¡­¡±

    ¡°Yeah but¡­ It¡¯s n-not as good as when Ayano does it¡­¡±

    Well, Ayano really must like Lilly. I wasn¡¯t aware that Ayano liked giving oral, I thought she was more into receiving it.

    ¡°You say that, but¡­ If you really didn¡¯t want it, you could easily stop me.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you though¡­¡±

    ¡°Who says you have to hurt me to stop me?¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯ve said over and over that I don¡¯t want to use my Monstra powers¡­¡±

    ¡°Monstra this, Monstra that¡­ You¡¯re just making excuses. Please, lay back and enjoy it¡­ I¡¯m giving you a gift¡­¡±

    Her body heating up, I decided to push the duvet completely aside, and I decided to stand back up again. By now, I was an expert at taking off this otherwise poofy and complicated dress, and I let it fall to the ground in a heap. Feeling much more comfortable in just my underwear and stockings, I returned to the bed, running my hands all across her sides and legs. We were both cold from the weather, but I don¡¯t think that was why her body suddenly shivered before falling still once again. Her gasps were loud, she was trying to hold it in, and I could tell how attracted to me she was just from the way her eyes were glued to me, her gaze gliding across my body, taking in every inch of me. She may have been sleeping with Ayano a lot, but at this moment, she still seemed like a virgin, utterly shocked that this was happening.

    ¡°Did Ayano ever tell you how good you taste?¡± I asked as my licks resumed.

    Even I was beginning to purr now, just from the taste. She just tasted more and more divine with each lick- Cum wasn¡¯t normally this addictive.

    ¡°Y-Yeah¡­¡±

    I smirked, I was unsure of the truthfulness of that statement.

    ¡°Did she tell you that it¡¯s a flavour more divine than anything Hugo has ever cooked or ever will cook? That I could lick gallons upon gallons of your fluids, and never grow tired of it?¡±

    ¡°... No, uh, she hasn¡¯t told me that¡­¡±

    She looked a bit weirded out at that statement, and finally averted her gaze from me. I took this as a moment to try and step things up- I hadn¡¯t had this kind of fun in years. I finally had the opportunity to do something with someone who I really admired- She was adorable, and so much more fun to tease than Ayano!

    I raised her nightie up and over her head, leaving her completely naked. I soon followed as my underwear was swiftly removed. The sight of my bare breasts seemed to get her attention again. I wasted no time- We were both wet and ready for it. I leaned myself across her body, taking in just how good her smooth skin felt to the touch, jealous that Ayano had been hogging such a beautiful person all to herself for so long. Everywhere I touched released a glowing feeling inside me, more comforting than any fireplace, more relaxing than any bath. I could hug her for an eternity and feel satisfied. But I wasn¡¯t aiming for just a hug right now. I raised her leg, running my hand across it as I put myself in position to have her womanhood meet with mine. Just from their mere touch, it was like a spark of electricity shot up through our bodies as we both shivered in response to this unison.

    ¡°A-Are we really doing this, P-Priscilla? This feels like I¡¯m betraying¡­¡±

    ¡°Let¡¯s stop talking about her for now, shall we? This is about us¡­ The last I¡¯ll say on the matter, Lilly, is that this is what she would want¡­¡±

    ¡°B-But¡­ Ahh! Priscilla! Mmm! Priscilla Priscilla Priscillaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!¡±

    As I began to grind my hips against hers, she finally lost full control over her voice. I was only gently grinding against her, but I didn¡¯t exactly blame her- It felt amazing for me too. I delighted in how sensitive she was as I rocked back and forth, playfully twisted my hips in circles, switching up the pace of my thrusts, learning her rhythm, learning exactly how to kiss her with my lower lips. But I was in no rush to make her cum. I wanted to make this last. I leaned down to take her nipples into my mouth, slobbering all over them as I swirled my tongue around them, switching back and forth between both of them whilst my hand massaged the other breast. No matter how much I taught her, no matter how much advice I gave, no matter how much I tried to help her when she was sick- Nothing would make me feel better than being able to provide her with the gift of sex.

    It was as I was about to resume making out with her again, however, that her demeanour suddenly changed. Our faces were inches away from each other when I saw her eyes turn purple, and before I knew it, she was on top of me, effortlessly using her hands to pin me to the bed by my wrists.

    I watched in real time as her sickly, pale complexion gained a bit of colour. I smiled. She didn¡¯t.

    ¡°Looks like I won!¡±

    ¡°... You did, so I have to get my revenge, don¡¯t I? I think you deserve a bit of punishment after pulling this little stunt¡­¡±

    It was only now that she finally smiled. Really, it was more of a smirk. And her tone of voice, well¡­ It simply sent me. She had a way of sounding so seductively powerful when she was in this sort of mood. Looking into those purple eyes, feeling her strength as she had me pinned, I could only describe it as her Monstra instincts being utilised in the most sexy way possible. I had been on top, but it seemed that Lilly, illness freshly cured just like that, was ready to take charge. I was all for it.

    ¡°Mmm. I suppose I have been a little naughty, haven¡¯t I?¡± I mused, egging her on.

    ¡°Very.¡±

    But, just as she was about to resume, another thought popped into my head. I had only a split second to say it before she rocked my world- And in a panic, I decided to shoot my shot.

    ¡°H-Hey, here¡¯s a thought¡­¡±

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°Wouldn¡¯t it feel more like punishment¡­ If¡­ If you had a dick?¡±

    ¡°... Priscilla¡­¡±

    Her tone of voice sounded genuinely upset. I did regret bringing it up, but I was in too deep now. I had to save face.

    ¡°... You can change your body however you want, right? It should be easy to-¡±

    And before I knew it, it was inside me, something hard and hot, giant and almost way too much. I didn¡¯t even see it change, but it was already inside me, a freshly grown, hot member. And not only that, but¡­ F-Fuck, what were those? They felt amazing! They were expanding from her cock, reaching places inside me that I didn¡¯t even know existed! They felt like tiny little fingers, or perhaps tentacles of some sort, protruding from this freshly grown cock.

    My voice was stolen away from me, replaced only by gasps and moans and screams as Lilly began to roughly thrust into me. I could see the veins on her body bulging as that fearsome blood pumped through her body, she only seemed to get larger and larger inside me the hornier I got, my body wasn¡¯t just warm, it wasn¡¯t just glowing, it was on fire, it felt like I had become a burning hot sun, and I was just getting hotter and hotter, I would soon surely set the bed on fire, right? Well if not, eventually it would feel so amazing and so incredible that I would surely explode and-

    Then I did. Her penis seemed to explode inside me too, as she seemed to pump her thick, liquid love into me seemingly without end, my own arousal completely soaking the bed as it leaked out of me. I screamed so loudly that I didn¡¯t hear her reaction. My pleasure reached its peak, and before I knew it, I was unconscious.

    ~~~

    I woke up sometime later to see Lilly stepping out of her bathroom. Her eyes were green once more, and in her nakedness I could see that her genitalia was back to normal, almost as though that whole thing had simply been some sort of amazing, incredible fever dream.

    ¡°Good. You¡¯re awake,¡± Lilly said curtly, beginning to get dressed into her maid uniform.

    ¡°... Going back to work already? C¡¯mon Lilly, let¡¯s take the rest of the day off¡­ Just lay in bed with me¡­¡±

    ¡°The bed is filthy. I¡¯m not laying down or sleeping or doing anything in it right now. Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m not going back to work. Hugo won¡¯t want me in the kitchen for now, Lizzy excused me from taking care of the plants, so¡­ I¡¯m just gonna do my laundry, grab a snack, and¡­ Guess I¡¯ll apologise to Beth. Thanks for the soup by the way. It was good.¡±

    ¡°You ate it already?¡±

    ¡°You came once and passed out for an hour.¡±

    I turned to the bedside table, and, low and behold, the bowl was empty.

    ¡°Oh¡­ So, um¡­ Want me to help you with the laundry? Or¡­¡±

    ¡°... Priscilla, please, just stop. I really don¡¯t want anything from you.¡±

    ¡°A-After what we just did? What do you mean?¡±

    Lilly took a moment to finish dressing before turning to me, a fierce scowl on her face.

    ¡°... I¡¯m not going to pretend that I had ¡®lost control¡¯. Monstra or not, you¡¯re right, that¡­ Was still me. I wish I had been possessed, but¡­ I wasn¡¯t¡­ You took advantage of me when I was sick and emotionally vulnerable, and¡­ I betrayed someone I care about¡­ I¡¯m¡­ Going to ask Ayano if I can switch tutors¡­¡±

    ¡°L-Lilly I¡¯m sorry I, I was only trying to help, I thought it would help you feel better about yourself, I thought you were enjoying it, I-¡±

    Lilly grabbed the sheets I was laying on and roughly tugged at them right from under me, I yelped as my hands flailed about looking for the bedframe, holding onto it just in time to prevent myself from tumbling onto the floor. Lilly bundled the sheets up into a ball and looked at them, scrunching up her face.

    ¡°... I think I might actually burn these, and grab some spares¡­¡± She grumbled.

    ¡°P-Please, Lilly, was it really that-¡±

    She snatched away the pillow cases from right under my head.

    ¡°Just be quiet Priscilla, this has nothing to do with how good the act itself may have felt¡­ Please¡­ Listen¡­ You¡­ You were only thinking of yourself, and you know it. I know I¡¯m culpable too, but¡­ I simply don¡¯t want to be friends anymore. I¡¯m leaving now. Leave whenever you¡¯re ready. You¡¯re welcome to use my bathroom. You have an image to maintain.¡±

    With that, she grabbed the duvet, stuffing all of her bedding into a basket, carrying it by one hand as she hurried out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The room shook a little from the force.

    I looked down at myself. Naked, crusted cum all over me, a heavy odour in the air, the mattress partially soaked and stained, and now that I was alone, I realised I was bloated. Very bloated, like I had just eaten a large seven course meal. I tried to get to my feet and immediately I felt myself aching all over, especially in my abdomen. I saw something begin to dribble down my leg. It was thick and white, it had the same sort of consistency as whipped cream. It was unnatural to look at. Was this what Lilly had pumped into me an hour ago? I gave it a taste. Awful. It was sour, rancid, and¡­ It had the faint taste of blood to it.

    I probably spent two hours just on the toilet, getting rid of the ¡®Monstra cum¡¯, before I even had a shower. When I was finally out of Lilly¡¯s room, clothed and groomed and more or less looking and feeling myself again, it was already dark. I simply went straight back to my room. I was supposed to have been working today, I was just meant to take the soup up to Lilly and spend no more than five minutes on that simple task. But oh well. I had built up plenty of good will. I just had to tell them I wasn¡¯t feeling well, and¡­ Well, to be honest, that would barely even be a lie.

    I was already starting to sneeze by the time I returned to my room, and I had a bit of a headache. I¡¯d made myself some late night tea when¡­ I heard a tapping at the window.

    *Tap. Tap tap tap. Tap tap. Tap. Tap.*

    My blood ran cold. That was code. I had new orders.

    Every step felt heavy as I walked over to the window and opened it, to find a crow with a rolled up piece of paper attached to its leg with string. My heart dropped as I carefully retrieved it from the docile bird, who was all too happy to comply. They were trained well. Once the note was mine it flew away. I closed my window, unrolled the note, and spread it out across my desk.

    A cipher. Simple enough to solve. I had everything I needed to solve it embedded thoroughly into my head, as though branded by a hot poker. In about five minutes I had the message deciphered.

    ¡°Kill Princess Ayano.¡±

    My blood ran cold. Kill her? Right now? What? Why? What the fuck was happening? Why on Terra would they want Ayano dead, and even if her death would bring them a benefit, was this really the right time?

    My head was swimming with thoughts and I felt nauseous. The headache I already had didn¡¯t exactly help matters. This was the end. Of her life and of mine. There was no chance that I was escaping Selician jail. Even if I ran, I would be caught, jailed, tortured, and likely put to death. I knew how seriously their forensics would examine the case, and how smart the country''s best detectives were. No matter how sneaky I was, I would be caught. This was the Zeerian play. They were simply trading their pawn in for the enemy Queen. An easy decision for them to make. And if Ayano died, then¡­ Lilly would be unbound by her contract. She already hated me, and with Ayano dead¡­ Would she simply rampage? Destroy Selicia? Was that their true aim? But how could they know Lilly so well? I had tried to avoid talking about her!

    I needed to put an end to this. I needed to show Ayano this note and- Fuck. I was already grabbing my lighter. Screw this conditioning. Screw the way they played with my fucking life, the way they used me like some toy!

    I was never meant for happiness. I was never meant for a relationship with Ayano nor Lilly, nor even fucking Cedric! This was my fate from the very start, wasn¡¯t it? I burned the note, then opened the window and scattered the cinders to the winter winds. No evidence remained. No way to stop myself from what I was about to attempt. Even if I was going down, then¡­ I could only hope that my assassination attempt would fail.

    I wanted to say that I had at least one good memory to part with. But I didn¡¯t. Lilly was right, I had selfishly taken advantage of her feelings, I had fucked her under the guise of trying to help her. I¡¯d made her alter her body in ways that she wasn¡¯t comfortable with. Maybe I really was a dick fetishist. Why else would I ask for something so selfish?

    I threw my face into the pillow and screamed and sobbed at the top of my lungs, trying to muffle my voice as much as possible. I wish someone would hear me, that they¡¯d come in and try to console me, but it wasn¡¯t happening. This was the end. I had lived a terrible life of performing terrible deeds and I was about to do the most terrible thing of all. How on Terra was I going to keep my composure until Ayano returned from the capital?

    As though in answer to my question, I was reminded of the state I was in as I sneezed once again, thin snot dripping from my nose. Ahh. Yes. Looks like I was going to be bedridden. Fantastic. I was simply going to be alone yet doted on for my final few days of peace.

    Just as well. I hated this world, I hated this goddamn world. The only thing I now had to look forward to was leaving it for good.

 Chapter 17- Lilly

    I was in bed, laying next to Ayano. The sunlight was peeking in through the curtains. I wasn¡¯t lying in her bed, though, nor mine. We weren¡¯t in the manor at all. No¡­ This felt like a bed that was ours. In a house that was ours. I smiled at my sleeping love, and got up to open the window, to see the town of Belfort stretched out before me. The smell of cakes filled my nose. I could practically taste it on the tip of my tongue. I smiled, and left the room. I headed downstairs. The ground floor was a shop, but it still felt like home.

    It was a cafe. Booths were laid out for people to sit at wooden tables, polished to a mirror shine, and cushions and pillows decorated with pictures of stars, moons, and flowers rested on each of the booth¡¯s seats. A kitchen was off to the left side of the room, and it was there that I would begin making breakfast, heating a pan atop a fire, frying eggs and sliced garlic in butter, and serving it on sliced bread freshly made by the local bakers. I topped it off with fresh chives and served it on one of the tables. As if awoken by the heavenly smell, Ayano came down the stairs. At her feet, just in front of her, was our daughter, a cute young little troublemaker with silver hair.

    ¡°It¡¯ll be time to open up soon,¡± Said Ayano.

    I had been staring into her eyes lovingly and cuddling up to our daughter as we ate, and upon hearing those words, I happily walked over to the door to flip the sign to ¡®open¡¯. As soon as I did, there was someone who came in the door, as if she had been waiting for this exact moment.

    It was Priscilla.

    She took a seat at our booth, where Ayano and my daughter were sitting.

    ¡°... Is there anything you wish to order, mam?¡± I asked.

    ¡°I want to order you, Lilly.¡±

    And with that, another Priscilla came in through the door. And another. I saw her face pressed up against each of the windows. I realised my daughter had Priscilla¡¯s face.

    ¡°... You betrayed me, Lilly. I don¡¯t think this is going to work out,¡± I heard Ayano say, and before I knew it, she was gone.

    My eyes slowly fluttered open. That was a weird dream. Vaguely unpleasant, but easy to interpret at least. I forced myself to climb out of bed and have a shower.

    The dreams were getting more vivid¡­ What was happening to me?

    ~~~

    The days that passed after having sex with Priscilla were tense, to say the least. She had caught my flu it seemed, so I didn¡¯t have to interact with her thankfully, but even when I did see her it seemed that she wanted to talk to me as little as I wanted to talk to her. Good. She should feel guilty.

    I had always viewed Priscilla as being better than this. She had always been supportive, but I couldn¡¯t have ever assumed that she was *that* into me, not even after that night in the bath. I felt nothing but disdain towards a woman who seemed to be actively hoping for my relationship with Ayano to fail, or¡­ What, did she want both of us? Did she want to insert herself into our love life? I had no idea. Her actions made no sense to me.

    My actions, however, did make sense to me, and I hated myself for it. I was missing connection, I was missing the pleasure that came with sex, I was anxious about the status of my relationship with Ayano, and I foolishly believed that Priscilla had my best interests at heart. So I gave in. When Priscilla finally coaxed me to use my Monstra blood to cure my flu, I lost control. Thankfully not enough to kill her, but enough to give into her demands to grow a dick and get rough. Words cannot express how violating and wrong it felt to have a dick for genitalia. It felt wrong on so many levels. I was used to changing my body in strange ways, but¡­ That act fell right into some kind of weird, unsettling middle ground. Most of my changes were too wild for me to feel dysphoric whilst I was changed. I would barely look human and be ready only for combat and carnage whenever I really let loose with my form. But with a penis¡­ I was still human, but still different *enough* for it to feel wrong.

    But, well, that was the thing. A part of it felt right. It felt like the right way to punish her, at least, to be rough and get my revenge on her. But that ¡®right¡¯ feeling was precisely what felt so wrong, so disgusting. Something else that felt wrong, was, well, how guilty I felt at how wrong it felt. I didn¡¯t judge Ayano for her penis, so why should I judge myself for briefly having one? I shouldn¡¯t. One¡¯s set of genitalia was ultimately unimportant, and I loved Ayano for who she was. I¡¯d obviously still love her if she had a vagina, but, I almost couldn¡¯t imagine her being any different, either. Yet, having a penis was simply not what I wanted for myself. My feelings were all so strange and contradictory. Not just regarding the penis, but, regarding Ayano and Priscilla and Beth overall.

    ¡­ Right, there was Beth, too. I felt bad for her. A kind, sweet girl, who had such difficulties expressing her emotions, and had just learned to open herself up to me at the worst time possible. I hated turning her down, and I hated even more how she had been pushed to the back of my mind. I also hated how Priscilla had shown no consideration towards Beth, either, she had heard our conversation and knew that Beth harboured feelings for me, and yet, she still only thought about her own selfish desires, showing no consideration for me, Ayano, or Beth. I had tried to apologise to her, but I don¡¯t think Beth was ready to open up yet. Especially since Beth, too, had caught my flu. I still took it upon myself to take food, tea, and medicine up to her though, just as she had done for me. Not that it helped alleviate my guilt. After all, I hadn¡¯t been considerate towards her either.

    Because I was still supposed to be recovering from the flu, my workload was very light in the remaining few days before Ayano was set to return home. I was looking forward to seeing her again, but another part of me wasn¡¯t. I still needed more time to think and recover. A part of me also hated this limbo I was in, but another part of me wanted to extend it, because at least then, I could technically remain in a relationship with her for just a bit longer. I didn¡¯t want to have to say goodbye to her, to put an end to this chapter of my life. I don¡¯t think I could bear a future without Ayano¡¯s love. Priscilla was right about one thing, I probably should have never let myself catch the flu. Not only had I spread it to Priscilla, Beth, and possibly others, but in a state like this I¡¯d probably rather be drowning myself in work than allowing myself to be alone in my head.

    Waiting for Ayano¡¯s return felt like an eternity, but, when I finally saw her limo arriving back at the manor, it suddenly felt like no time at all had passed. There was a lump in my throat. I didn¡¯t head out to greet her, instead, I dropped what I was doing and returned to my room. And there I stayed for hours, waiting for the bell to ring.

    I waited. And waited. And soon, I fell asleep. Then, in the darkness of my unconscious state, that beautiful sound that normally filled me with such joy woke me up, and I found myself consumed by nothing but dread. I almost wanted to refuse the call, to stay in bed and pretend that it was all a dream and everything was still fine. But after a few more minutes, I heard it ring again. Yeah. Okay. Ayano really wanted to hear from me right now. Fuck.

    I tied up my hair into a ponytail and slipped into a pair of slippers, remaining in my nightie as I walked in the darkness up to Ayano¡¯s room, not even bothering to bring a candle with me. Even in pitch blackness, I could navigate my way through the manor with ease at this point.

    Before I knew it, there I was, in front of Ayano¡¯s door. I paused for a few moments. I could still turn back. I still needed more time, I could turn around now and go back to bed and-

    The door opened.

    ¡°... There you are, Lilly. Please come inside.¡±

    It had only been a week since I had last seen her, but when I saw her standing in the door, herself wearing a nightie, my heart melted. I had missed her so much. I just wanted to rush into her arms and hug her and forget that nothing was wrong. But I didn¡¯t. I timidly stepped inside.

    Her room was a place I also hadn¡¯t been to in a week, and right now, it was lit only by candlelight. Under any other context, the atmosphere would be pretty romantic. I supposed it was romantic in a different way. Ayano sat down on the bed and patted a spot next to her. I obeyed, and she pulled me into her arms. This was nice.

    ¡°... How has your week been, Lilly?¡±

    ¡°Awful,¡± I responded immediately and truthfully, ¡°I was sick with the flu for the first half, missing you for the rest of it. Didn¡¯t have any work or anything fun to do in the meantime.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to hear that.¡±

    ¡°How was your time at the capital?¡±

    ¡°Honestly? Pretty awful in its own right. Mother is sicker than I realised, and, god, the nobles up there are even more of a bore than the ones that visit here! They¡¯re so picky with their food, and so rude to their servants! There was one guy who shouted loudly at a servant because his *tea was too cold*. Like, please, the tea wasn¡¯t cold when it was given to you *by a different servant* 20 minutes ago! It¡¯s a nightmare up there¡­ I¡¯m glad to be back.¡±

    ¡°Ha! Yeah¡­¡±

    I actually did laugh hearing that story, recounted by Ayano in such a spirited way. Bitch, this was supposed to be a quiet and sombre moment, what do you think you¡¯re doing, making me laugh? I had to admit, though, it did help to diffuse the tension. Even if she was avoiding the elephant in the room, she was reminding me of the joy I actually felt whilst being around her. Unfortunately, I don¡¯t think I could recount any of my real stories from this week in a way that was actually worth telling.

    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

    ¡°... So¡­¡± I eventually continued, after a few moments of silence between us.

    ¡°... So.¡±

    ¡°What¡­ Do you think¡­ About us?¡± I asked.

    ¡°... My thoughts are the same, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Mine are the same too.¡±

    More silence. We hugged each other tighter. Neither of us wanted to let go. But someone had to speak eventually. I didn¡¯t want to be the first one. So, it was Ayano who eventually broke the silence.

    ¡°... I don¡¯t see us working out. Because I¡­ I can¡¯t give you the attention I need¡­ And I¡¯ll be honest, I¡­ I was using being Queen as an excuse. To tell you the truth, I¡­ I know that, even if things remained exactly as they are, or got even more peaceful¡­ I just.. I don¡¯t have it in me to be the right person for you.¡±

    ¡°But you are the right person for me,¡± I immediately rebutted, ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡±

    ¡°Not at all, Lilly. You¡¯re a wonderful person. I¡¯ve honestly¡­ Come to value your wellbeing over Selicia¡¯s itself. That¡¯s why I¡¯m saying this right now, because I can¡¯t be who you need.¡±

    ¡°I mean, do you love me? Were all the times you spoilt me, that time you took me on a trip, all the times you show concern for me, make me laugh, make me horny, make me feel special, when you make me feel loved, are you saying that you can¡¯t offer me the things you¡¯ve already given me? Was all of that fake?¡±

    ¡°None of it was fake. My feelings towards you were never fake, and neither were your own experiences. I just¡­ I can¡¯t sustain it. I¡­ I knew from the beginning that it would be impossible. I simply¡­ Did something stupid, I indulged in my feelings, I saw how you felt about me and I did the things that I knew wouldn¡¯t hurt you, so¡­ That¡¯s it. Put simply, the type of love I feel for you¡­ Isn¡¯t the same as what you feel for me.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m telling you that your style of love is just fine for me, more than fine. Why do you think you can¡¯t sustain it? Because it¡¯s as you said, it¡¯s not just because you might be Queen soon¡­ I just¡­ I just think that if we love each other, this shouldn¡¯t be an issue¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Lilly. My mind is made up. I don¡¯t want this anymore. My thoughts on the matter are non-negotiable.¡±

    ¡°Then why am I here!? Didn¡¯t you call me here to negotiate?¡±

    ¡°I called you here because I care about you. Because I want you to know why the relationship needs to end, because I want to work things out with you, because I want you to be okay as you possibly can be with this outcome-¡±

    ¡°How can I possibly be okay!? I love you Ayano, you¡¯re the only one I need! You have no idea how happy you make me, I¡¯m willing to be as patient as I need to be, I¡¯m willing to work through any problem with you! And I still don¡¯t get why you don¡¯t want me anymore just because your style of loving is ¡®different¡¯. I don¡¯t get it! Am I too clingy? Do I make our relationship too obvious? Is the sex not good enough? There¡¯s got to be something, ANYTHING I can do to fix this!¡±

    ¡°... It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.¡±

    ¡°If that¡¯s the case, then I haven¡¯t been working hard enough to help you feel better about yourself! I didn¡¯t want to bring her up after you confided in me, but you don¡¯t need to feel guilty about Julia and Georgia! You were a bad person, you hurt people, you did bad things, but¡­ That doesn¡¯t define who you are now, and that has no bearing on the experiences I¡¯ve had with *you* Ayano, the person in front of me right now, the woman you¡¯ve been since we met!¡±

    ¡°Listen¡­ This might be a huge tragedy to you, I get that. I hate the fact that I¡¯ve strung you along, making you believe in a future that was never going to happen between us. You have no idea how much guilt is eating at me right now. But¡­ My decisions are my own. And I strongly believe that the best thing for you is for our relationship to end as soon as possible, so that you can heal and find someone who deserves you.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not an island, Ayano! Sure, there¡¯s only so much I can do, but¡­ If you would just *listen* to me, if you¡¯d let me help you, then there¡¯s nothing that would be able to get in the way of our- Fuck, Ayano, are you okay?¡±

    The princess had let go of me and had begun clutching her heart, grunting in pain, eyes watering. She laid down on the bed. I laid down next to her, gently stroking her sides and her back, looking into her eyes, staying silent as I tried my best to comfort her when she was in this sudden state of pain. After about five minutes, she finally calmed down, her breathing heavy. As the strength returned to her body, she clung to me tightly.

    ¡°What was that? Are you okay?¡± I whispered.

    ¡°... Might as well¡­ Tell you now¡­ You know how¡­ Fuck¡­¡± It was obvious the pain was still lingering in her heart as she clutched it again.

    ¡°There¡¯s no rush.¡±

    ¡°Okay¡­ Okay. Lilly this is¡­ The price I¡¯m paying for breaking your slave contract.¡±

    ¡°... What?¡±

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t want gold anymore. Right now, the spirit who mediated the contract that I broke, it¡­ What you just witnessed was it taking my life force. It¡¯s done so every month without fail. Although the cycle isn¡¯t always consistent¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s taking¡­ Your life?¡±

    ¡°I effectively gave up half my life span to¡­ Offer you freedom, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°So even if¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right. Even if we kept going like this, Even if life was perfect for us¡­ I¡¯m going to die whilst I¡¯m still middle aged. And you¡­ You¡¯re going to survive much longer than that, ideally¡­¡±

    ¡°You idiot!¡± I exclaimed, pulling her in even more tightly and planting kisses on her neck, ¡°Is there any way to fix this? Can you reform the slave contract? Why didn¡¯t you tell me? Why did you keep this a secret? Fuck Ayano, FUCK!¡±

    Tears began falling down my face now. I was shaking, and her embrace was the only thing keeping me somewhat stable.

    ¡°I would¡­ I would have preferred to stay your slave! That would have been better than THIS! Even back then, this was the LAST thing I wanted! You bitch, you cunt, you goddamn motherfucking stupid idiot brain dead bimbo princess bitch FUCK WHY? WHY!?¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m sorry, Lilly, I just wanted to do what was best for your wellbeing and-¡±

    ¡°You ARE my wellbeing! THIS ISN¡¯T WHAT I WANT!¡±

    ¡°... There¡¯s nothing that can be done about it now¡­¡±

    ¡°Take¡­ T-Take my blood, take it right now! It¡¯ll keep you alive, the spirit will keep taking your life force but with my blood you¡¯ll be STRONG and YOUNG and you¡¯ll stay ALIVE Ayano! FUCK!¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want the Monstra inside me, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°IT¡¯S NOT THE MONSTRA IT¡¯S ME! IT¡¯S JUST ME! I¡¯ll keep it under control we¡¯ll figure out how you can control it for yourself we¡¯ll-¡±

    ¡°I¡­Please don¡¯t do this, Lilly,¡± A deep sigh escaped her lips, ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter how safe it would be. The Monstra is¡­ My enemy.¡±

    ¡°FINE! FINE FUCKING FINE! Ayano how do you kill a spirit!?¡±

    ¡°... Spirits are already dead. They¡¯re just pure mana so-¡±

    ¡°I EAT MANA FOR BREAKFAST! WHERE IS IT I¡¯LL DESTROY IT AND-¡±

    ¡°That spirit is so powerful that it holds together Selicia¡¯s ecosystem. If it vanished, mana would dry up and the air would go rancid and plants and insects and wildlife would die and the weather and the climate would cause disasters¡­ Even if you were capable of it, I wouldn¡¯t approve.¡±

    ¡°I thought my wellbeing was more important than Selicia¡¯s? It¡¯s just one spirit, it can¡¯t be that difficult to-¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re talking about *my* wellbeing, not yours. And your wellbeing isn¡¯t going to be improved by destroying this country.¡±

    ¡°I just said that your wellbeing is mine, didn¡¯t I?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t really believe that.¡±

    ¡°YOU THINK I¡¯M NOT DEVOTED ENOUGH TO YOU?¡±

    ¡°... I think you are, Lilly. That¡¯s not why I said that. I¡¯m thinking about the future, not about how you¡¯re feeling now. It¡¯s precisely because of your devotion to me that I want you to realise that there are other people out there-¡±

    ¡°There aren¡¯t Ayano! There just aren¡¯t! You¡¯re all I want!¡±

    I was crying and sobbing now. My screams of anger had descended into wailing sobs, crying out at the top of my lungs as I soaked her neck with my tears. I couldn¡¯t handle this. This was too much. This couldn¡¯t possibly be happening. My world was ending and she was calmly explaining why that was supposed to be okay.

    It was ironic that I brought up my devotion to her. Because I had slept with Priscilla behind her back, and I was too cowardly to admit it. And when Ayano was breaking up with me already, I had to cling onto whatever I could in the desperate hope that she might change her mind. No. She could never know about what I did with Priscilla. If this was some sort of karmic punishment for my mistake, then I would sacrifice anything to make things right again. I couldn¡¯t handle the fact that this was happening to me and that it was probably my fault and that I didn¡¯t know the precise reason why.

    ¡°O-Okay¡­¡± I finally said after a few minutes, ¡°I g-get it, you¡¯re gonna become Queen sooner than later, then die sooner rather than later as well¡­ T-That¡¯s fine, but¡­ That¡¯s all the more reason for us to make the most of the time we have¡­ I can find someone *after* you¡¯re dead¡­¡±

    ¡°... You can waste time with me now, or start cultivating relationships with people who you can actually spend the rest of your life with. The more time spent with me is just more time taken away from searching for them¡­¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t think of the time I spend with you¡­ As a waste¡­¡±

    ¡°Either way, it¡­ It doesn¡¯t really matter. I don¡¯t want this anymore, and that¡¯s all there is to it.¡±

    I wiped away the tears from my eyes to see hers. She was crying too. She was making a mistake. She had to be. This was making her miserable. She didn¡¯t want to hurt me or be apart from me anymore than I wanted to be parted from her. This was a sick joke, right? Why? Why was she like this? Why couldn¡¯t she find it in her to *fight* for me? Was she too afraid to pursue what she wanted in life, or was I simply not enough for her? Goddamnit, it wasn¡¯t like I was hard to fight for! I¡¯d kill her every enemy, be at her beck and call, love and support her unquestioningly! I¡¯d continue to be her love slave no matter how shattered the contract! Why was she putting more effort into keeping me away than keeping me close? I didn¡¯t get it! I DIDN¡¯T GET IT. Why couldn¡¯t things just STAY SIMPLE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?

    ¡°Then¡­ I guess¡­ This is goodbye¡­¡±

    With that, I leaned in for one last goodbye kiss on the lips. I just needed that final memory, that final piece of lingering warmth and joy to remember her by, one last moment to make this parting just a tiny bit less painful.

    But she put her finger to my lips.

    ¡°... I don¡¯t think kisses are appropriate anymore, Lilly. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so sorry.¡±

    My tears had ceased. I felt empty and dead. Her grip on me loosened, and she rolled over so that she was no longer facing me. Her bed suddenly felt very¡­ Very cold¡­

    I rolled over onto my back, looking at the ceiling, my head pounding, my world spinning. This was the calm before the storm. Oh no, I wasn¡¯t done yet. I could cry for weeks, possibly for the rest of my life. But right now I just felt utterly dead and defeated.

    ¡°I-I L-Love Y-You A-Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°... I love you too, Lilly. But we should just stay as employer and employee from now on. I wish you nothing but the best.¡±

    It was like I couldn¡¯t breathe. I was drowning in an inky black abyss. My mind filled with visions of red and purple, the vivid, violent colours hitting my brain like physical punches to my face. It was back. It was fucking back. To think, I didn¡¯t even think it was weird that these intense colours had vanished from my mind, that I was having normal dreams as recently as this week. Was this going to be my life from now on? Was my mind going to be thrown back into that cage Gloria had left me in? I didn¡¯t want that¡­ I didn¡¯t want that at all! Anything but that! I¡¯m sorry for taking my good fortune for granted, please, just let this all be an awful dream and let me wake up next to an Ayano who wants to stay with me!

    My stomach twisted and turned as I rolled out of bed¡­ Or rather, I think I slithered. I looked down at my hands. My beautiful, pale skin was melting. My nightie was being dissolved and pale sludge was melting from my form onto the floor, turning pitch black as soon as it was separated from my body. But it didn¡¯t come to life. The sludge was inert, lying there, acting just as dead as I felt.

    ¡°Lilly, are you okay!?¡± Ayano suddenly exclaimed.

    ¡°Don¡¯t look at me¡­¡± I whispered, but I don¡¯t know if she heard, since I didn¡¯t know where my mouth was anymore.

    I stumbled towards the window. It was difficult to see through my tear stained eyes, especially since one of them had dropped all the way down my body and was now somewhere on my wrist or something, whatever ¡®wrist¡¯ meant now. I wasn¡¯t a controlled, deadly mass, I was a chaotic mess of sadness, I had no idea what my mind and body were doing to each other. I did know one thing, though- I couldn¡¯t be here anymore.

    I had no idea if Ayano was saying anything, since my ears got buried underneath the ever growing mass of sludge. Some sort of shapeless appendage managed to open the window, so I flopped out of it, slithering down the outside wall like some kind of slug. I eventually disconnected from the brick and fell a few metres down onto the stone steps below. I last saw her looking out the window, a look of shock and terror on her tear stained face, as tiny little insect legs grew beneath my body and began carrying me away like I was some sort of millipede. Before I knew it, I was rushing through the forest. Directionless, simply running, running, running, skittering away as fast as I could to who knows where.

    The only thing I could hear was the incessant sound of that bell ringing endlessly in my mind.

 Chapter 18- Priscilla

    Ayano had been trying to keep things under wraps, but it was clear to everyone that Lilly had ran away. Days passed. Ayano didn¡¯t let anyone in her room. I went to the door to knock a few times, Ayano never answering, but even though I couldn¡¯t see inside I could smell something from inside her room that I hadn¡¯t smelt since Lilly¡¯s first day at the manor. I hadn¡¯t even smelt it when I had had sex with Lilly. It was obvious that not only had she ran away, but she had frenzied. Poor girl. She really had cared for Ayano, hadn¡¯t she? I bet she had tried her best. I bet she blamed herself.

    But she shouldn¡¯t. Because she was doomed from the start.

    Still, something did bother me. Surely Lilly couldn¡¯t run away, if she was under slave contract? That was something I often forgot about, given how natural and free their relationship felt. So, it was entirely possible that Ayano had sent her away. I had to wonder about that, though. Something seemed fishy and everyone else was gossiping about how strange Lilly¡¯s departure was too.

    A week passed. Beth and I recovered from the flu, and the weather warmed up just a tiny bit. Still no sign of Lilly. There was set to be a diplomatic meeting between Ayano and the Zeerian ambassador in a week. But I know what the meeting really meant, because it wasn¡¯t supposed to happen. I wasn¡¯t supposed to allow Ayano to attend the meeting, because they wanted me to kill her by then. But I needed time. Oh, oh so much more time. An eternity would be ideal.

    I decided to wait until two nights before the meeting. I wanted to keep Ayano alive for as long as possible. I loved her, after all, and I couldn¡¯t bring myself to do it. But I also knew that she might turn me away if I tried to approach her on the night before a meeting. So, several hours after the evening meal, I approached her door and knocked. No response, as expected. If I was a good person, I would leave it here, I would leave her alone and give her time to process. But no, not only was I not a good person, but I had to intrude on her healing to make an attempt on her life, too. I stood at the door for a few seconds, desperately trying to fight my programming. I¡¯d rather die than kill someone I loved.

    On the other hand, it was all for the glory of Zeer. I couldn¡¯t argue with that.

    So, I opened the door and stepped inside, my body shaking as I intruded upon her space. And there she was, lying on the bed, motionless, looking out of the window at the full moon. No, that wasn¡¯t quite right. Paying more attention, I think she was actually staring at the handmaiden¡¯s bell, sitting on her bedside table.

    I said nothing as I entered, and closed the door behind me. Ayano turned to look at me, and I could hear her draw in breath, I could see the look in her eye that said she was about to tell me to leave. But, even though I wasn¡¯t in the mood, I really wasn¡¯t, I¡­ Was still able to fake that horny aura that always communicated sex to Ayano. I was shivering, not with lust, but with fear and anxiety. I parted my lips. I looked at her with sex in my eyes. She closed her mouth, falling silent. I took that as a sign of acceptance. Big mistake, Ayano. I¡¯m sorry.

    <3 <3 <3

    I stepped forward, closer to the bed, and slipped off my maid dress. As usual, when I intended to be intimate with Ayano, I hadn¡¯t worn underwear. Today, I intended to have sex with her for the first time in ages. It wasn¡¯t just going to be fellatio tonight. It hardly made up for what she was suffering or what I was about to do, but I wanted her to at least be feeling good when she died.

    Besides, it was during sex that someone was in one of their most vulnerable states.

    I crawled on top of the bed and pushed the duvet covers aside. I helped her to remove her nightie. Her face was stained with fresh tears, but her dick wasn¡¯t exactly wet. It wasn¡¯t even hard. Voices in the back of my head were screaming at me to leave, but, instead, I moved down her body and began to lick her flaccid cock, feeding it with pleasure bit by bit, until it was finally ready to stand to attention. Even though it was hard, I doubted she was in the mood. I wasn¡¯t either, really. But I knew how Ayano was. She was accepting this because it would take her mind off of her pain. We both knew that because of this attitude of hers, I was taking advantage of her right now. She just didn¡¯t know the degree to which I was taking advantage of her.

    It was the unsexiest thing in the world, but once it was hard and dripping with precum, I unceremoniously inserted her member into my pussy, and began to ride her. I closed my eyes tightly shut and leaned down to kiss her, mostly just because I didn¡¯t want to look at her. I didn¡¯t deserve to look at her anymore considering what I was about to do.

    I let it last for minutes longer than I needed to. It was the last time either of us would ever have sex, and I wanted us both to enjoy it. Even though there was no intimacy to be had, I gave her my all in terms of technique. I knew what she liked. Knew just how to match her pace, I knew when to slow down or speed up, I knew just how to twist my hips to angle her cock into those wonderful sweet spots.

    But that¡¯s all it was for us. A ritual for the sake of producing certain chemicals. We were like addicts taking another hit of a drug that had long since lost its lustre.

    ~~~

    It was as she came that I wrapped my hands around her neck, and my hands began to glow. I had had an arcane circle etched into the bone of the back of my hands when I was a teenager, a circle that was completely hidden by my skin. The spell was designed to paralyse whoever it was touching when activated. I felt my body heat up as she tried to channel mana throughout her body, but she needed more time to actually produce a noticeable effect. The circle would neutralise her before she would be able to defend herself. She may have been able to counteract it if she was on guard, but, during an orgasm was the perfect moment for me to strike.

    Something unexpected did happen, however. I found myself flung against the wall, knocking over her bedside table and crashing into her desk in the process, sending makeup and documents flying all over the room. There was one sound, though, that filled me with dread. The tinkling of a bell. And then I saw it, resting on the floor right in front of me. Shit.

    ¡°... So. You were the spy¡­¡± Ayano muttered.

    She was still on the bed, clearly still paralysed. She would be like that for about half an hour, assuming she didn¡¯t have something else up her sleeve. I still wasn¡¯t even sure what she had actually done.

    ¡°You¡­ You knew there was a spy?¡±

    ¡°I had a hunch. Zeerian behaviour has been strange ever since I acquired Lilly. I know how their network operates. You¡­ You had no choice, did you? Even so. You have no idea how disappointed I am. I should have been more careful.¡±

    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

    ¡°... What the hell did you do?¡±

    ¡°... I just channelled all my mana all at once. Uncontrolled, unrefined, panicked, but I guess it worked. I have nothing left to defend myself now. Can hardly channel more anytime soon after being so careless with it. Guess that means you can kill me now.¡±

    I steadily got to my feet. I ached all over from that burst of energy, I think I had some splinters in my body now, too. But I had a mission. For the Glory of Zeer.

    ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t want to kill you,¡± I said, even as I crawled back onto the bed.

    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ Probably better off dead. I don¡¯t do anything right. I just make things worse. Everything might be better off this way.¡±

    I sat on top of her once more and wrapped my hands around her neck, reapplying the paralysis effect. I felt sick.

    ¡°... You didn¡¯t do anything wrong.¡±

    Those beautiful crimson eyes of hers looked like they had been extinguished of all their flame. In the light of the moonlight, they looked grey, like ash. She really had given up, hadn¡¯t she?

    ¡°Tell that to Lilly. To Georgia¡­ To Julia¡­ The world¡­¡±

    Wait, who was Julia?

    Whatever.

    I had a mission to do.

    I began to tighten my grip around her neck. I once more closed my eyes tightly shut. I didn¡¯t want to see her face, gasping for air. It was bad enough that I could hear her choking. The sound alone made it so that I could vividly imagine what was happening in my mind, so closing my eyes was hardly a comfort. Tears fell down my face. This was the end. The tragic, unbefitting end. Glory to-

    ¡°... TrAiTOr!¡±

    My grip loosened and my blood froze. I recognised that voice. I can¡¯t believe I had almost forgotten. I should have been faster¡­ Or perhaps this was perfect, even if in the short term I wasn¡¯t going to like what was probably about to happen.

    I turned to the window to see one giant, bloodshot purple eye, staring in through the window. So large that it was impossible to see past it. Both windows shattered and an inky blackness crawled inside, swallowing half of the room in its bottomless darkness. Hundreds of eyes opened up, looking squarely at us, two naked women in bed, the smell of sex in the air.

    ¡°I HeAR thE BeLl, AnD¡­ I sEe THIS!? I FINallY DecIDEd to ANSWER tHe caLL¡­ DiD YOU BoTh SImPly WAnT to TORMENT mE!?¡±

    We were both silent, each of us simply horrified at what Lilly had allowed herself to become. Her voice was recognisable, but it only vaguely sounded like hers. I wasn¡¯t even sure if she was using a tongue to speak. One thing for sure was that her voice was layered, as if multiple sources of sound were speaking at once.

    ¡°It¡¯s not what it looks like-¡± I began, but I think using such a cliche line just angered her further. Hundreds of tendrils lunged at me, wrapping my body entirely inside of it and squeezing me so tightly that I thought I might just pop. But no, I was being kept alive for now.

    ¡°wHy DO YOu TakE EVERYTHING fRoM Me?¡± She screamed at me, a rancid smell washing over me as the rest of her body began to close around me, pinning me against the wall.

    ¡°... Don¡¯t blame her, Lilly. It wasn¡¯t her fault. It was mine. This has all been my fault¡­¡±

    I managed to see something resembling Lilly¡¯s face pop out next to Ayano¡¯s head. But it was very wrong. One of her eyes was hanging out of it, connected to the eye socket by its dangling stem. Her hair was messy and shifting colours constantly. Her mouth was on sideways and her nose was upside down. It was kind of amazing how her natural prettiness still shone through despite her distorted features. I made the guess that she probably couldn¡¯t form her normal human body, even if she wanted to.

    ¡°Did you throw me into the TRASH just so that you¡¯d be free to sleep with Priscilla as much as you wanted? Did you call her up to fuck the moment I left? Is that why you gave up on ringing the bell?¡±

    Her voice sounded like her human voice when speaking out of that head, but she was clearly¡­ Well, unhinged was probably the best word for it.

    ¡°Why do you hate me Ayano? What did I do to deserve this TORTURE!? YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT ME AS A SLAVE!¡±

    ¡­ I Knew it. The contract was broken. Just needed confirmation at this point.

    ¡°She was trying to kill me¡­ She¡¯s a Zeerian spy. She fooled me. And you. All of us.¡±

    ¡°LIKE I¡¯D BELIEVE SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT! What do you like about Priscilla anyway? She¡¯s a piece of meat with nothing in her empty little brain besides thoughts of cock! A selfish slut with no redeeming value! WHY WOULD YOU PICK HER OVER ME!?¡±

    ¡°... Strong¡­ Words¡­ For¡­ Someone¡­ Who¡­ Also¡­ Slept¡­ With¡­ Me¡­¡± I managed to gasp out.

    ¡°ShUt youR FaCE! ThAt DidN¡¯T mEAn AnYTHinG!¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right! It didn¡¯t mean anything! I¡¯m so sorry Ayano I was too cowardly to bring it up especially since our relationship was already shaky and I didn¡¯t want to lose you even though I did anyway and-¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t care, Lilly. I¡¯m happy you were intimate with somebody besides me. I¡¯m¡­ Not jealous.

    ¡°WHY AREN¡¯T YOU JEALOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!¡±

    Thousands of mouths screamed out in unison. It was so loud that the entire manor was sure to have heard it.

    ¡°... I hear them¡­ All my old friends, rushing up to this room¡­¡± Lilly muttered, ¡°Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THEY¡¯RE ALL GOING TO SEE WHAT A MONSTER I AM! HOW GLORIOUS! THEY¡¯RE GOING TO SEE HOW I¡¯VE REGRESSED TO THIS PATHETIC PRIMAL STATE HAHAHA I¡¯VE MADE NO PROGRESS AT ALL IT WAS ALL A LIE IT WAS ALL FAKE I WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BE LIKE THIS I¡¯M NOT A HUMAN AT ALL I¡¯M A CREATURE OF LUST SPITE VIOLENCE AND JEALOUSY HOW COULD I EVER BE SO STUPID AS TO THINK THAT I WAS POSSIBLY CAPABLE OF DESERVING ANYONE AS WONDERFUL AS YOU I BETRAYED YOU I FAILED YOU I FAILED I FAILED I FAILED I WILL ALWAYS FAIL I WAS DESTINED TO FAIL IT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT TO FAIL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU BITCH I HATE YOU WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE-¡±

    They burst in through the door. Bodyguards, but two people pushed past them. Hugo, and Beth cowering behind his back. He had a look of fury on his face as he loaded a handgun and shot at Lilly several times, the bullets sinking uselessly into what could only technically be referred to as her ¡®flesh¡¯.

    ¡°YOU¡¯RE BETTER THAN THIS LILLY. STOP THIS RIGHT THIS INSTANT!¡± He roared.

    ¡°... Haha¡­¡± Lilly giggled slightly.

    My ears rang from the sound of the gunshots. I felt her grip around me tighten even more. She was probably thinking of killing me. Maybe she was thinking of killing everyone in this room. But instead, she dropped me to the floor with a thud. I gasped for air, my breathing hoarse.

    ¡°... Good. Now¡­ Let¡¯s.. Let¡¯s return to human form, shall we?¡± Hugo suggested calmly but fearfully.

    ¡°... I can¡¯t¡­¡±

    ¡°Please try, Lilly,¡± Beth chimed in, ¡°We want to help you. We want to be there for you.¡±

    She suddenly fell very silent and still for a few moments, although I¡¯m not sure if that was in response to Beth or not. The menacing aura around her began to shift. I don¡¯t think even she was expecting to say what she said next.

    ¡°... I hear it calling. Grisia¡­ Yes¡­ The annihilation sphere¡­ I must go there¡­ That¡¯ll take me there in an instant¡­¡±

    ¡°Please don¡¯t leave again, Lilly. We¡¯ve missed you!¡± Beth cried.

    But instead, her misshapen face turned towards Ayano. She was looking back up at Lilly with tears in her eyes, despite her blank stare. She probably couldn¡¯t emote much because of the paralysis.

    ¡°... I¡¯m so sorry, Lilly¡­ Please don¡¯t do this¡­¡± She muttered.

    ¡°... Hmph¡­¡±

    And with that, she was gone, blinking out of existence as quickly as she had come into the room, leaving only smears of black sludge and the broken windows in her wake, which Hugo ran over to.

    ¡°... I just about managed to see her retreating into the woods. Barely. She moves quickly. We won¡¯t be able to catch up to her¡­¡±

    Medics rushed over to me and Ayano, using magic to try and ease our pain as the damage was assessed. I was feeling numb right now, but I heard them muttering about the fact that Lilly had broken my rib cage. But even after *that*, Ayano had some royal orders to issue.

    ¡°... Following hospitalisation, Priscilla is to be imprisoned for conspiring against Selicia and attempting to assassinate its Princess. Secondly, get me dressed and put me on a boat to Grisia right now.¡±

    ¡°... But your highness, you are simply not well enough-¡±

    ¡°This is a global emergency. So help me you will not waste a SINGLE second of my time. Make arrangements to get me on that boat immediately!¡±

    As I found myself losing consciousness, I couldn¡¯t help but smile. My life was over, but Ayano was alive. She would surely be able to save Lilly from herself¡­ Yes¡­ Everything¡­ Everything was going to be okay.

    Or so I hoped.

    And as the darkness consumed my senses, I saw something in the distance, something rapidly emerging from the abyss.

    A vision of glorious gold.

 Chapter 19- Lilly

    I woke up in the middle of a forest clearing. The sky was bright and cloudless, the trees were lush and green. Lilies were growing all around my body, all sorts of different shapes and colours, as though they had guided me to this place. I got to my feet. I was a naked, emaciated looking hairy boy. I began to walk aimlessly through the forest. I remembered a place called Earth. I remembered that I had been a university student who had just graduated, although I couldn¡¯t hold down a job. Mostly because menial retail hurt my soul. And I was lazy and directionless. I indulged in the internet and in anime and video games and alcohol and weed just so that I could be aware of my own mind as little as possible. Last thing I remember was going to bed, and then waking up here after sleeping for what felt like years.

    Everything around me looked like Earth, but I knew it wasn¡¯t the same. Was it heaven? Had I been summoned to another world, just like in those shitty isekai anime I had grown so tired of yet still kept watching? Whatever it was, I was enjoying the serene peace of it all. There was nobody around. The animals were friendly. It was all perfect and here I was, just¡­ Existing.

    At least, it was perfect, until the hunger kicked in. I ate some delicious berries at first. Still hungry. I ate all the berries. I ate the apples from a tree and then¡­ Weirdly, I found that I could comfortably chew through the bark and eat the tree itself. I devoured it down to the roots, leaving not a splinter of wood or a single leaf. Still hungry. I began hunting animals. Now those were *really* delicious. I had liked meat back on Earth, but freshly hunted, raw meat? I seemed to have developed a serious appetite for that.

    Peace quickly left my mind as I went through the forest, eating everything I could find, but mostly just hunting for meat. I eventually came across a big cave with a bear inside. I ate the bear too. It struggled, but it wasn¡¯t even a fight. The more I ate the stronger I became. I had forged an outfit constructed from pelts, I was tall and muscular, I was a total chad now. Chiselled jawline and everything!

    Eating made me stronger and stronger even as I became hungrier and hungrier, and I was also starting to get horny. I decided to leave the forest that I determined I had already conquered and look for humans. I soon found civilization. A little village at the edge of the forest. When they saw me wearing a bear pelt they immediately rejoiced and celebrated. The bear was known to be a crafty animal who often snuck into the village to kidnap babies to eat. I was thrown a feast, but the other villagers didn¡¯t get much of a chance to eat. Real, cooked food tasted better than I could have possibly imagined, after all. It was so much tastier than anything I had ever had on Earth and my appetite was never satiated. But they didn¡¯t mind. During the feast, they told me tales about a dragon who often razed the farmlands and stole valuables. It was a menace that many in the surrounding region had tried and failed to fell. I flippantly offered to go slay it. But only if I could have the hand in marriage of the village chief¡¯s daughter. She was a young, hot blonde, hotter than any girl I had ever met on Earth. My dick was permanently hard whenever she was nearby. Begrudgingly, the chief agreed, if I was able to bring back the Dragon¡¯s head and its heart.

    Looking back, I don¡¯t think I ever considered how she felt about the arrangement.

    Killing the dragon was so easy that I didn¡¯t even remember the process. I was back by nightfall the following day. Less than 24 hours. I dragged back not just its head nor its heart, but its entire corpse. It felt so easy to lift. The dragon was roasted by the village¡¯s chefs and I ate all of it.

    Once I had devoured my enemy, I harshly grabbed the chieftain''s daughter by the wrist and led her away. I had my way with her for eight continuous hours. It was how I lost my virginity, and it was likely how she lost hers. I didn¡¯t really know nor care at the time, but, truthfully, it was rape. She wouldn¡¯t have wanted it even if I had been gentle, and I was rough, very rough. I used her like an object. She was crying and screaming. And the villagers ignored her pleas for help. I remember enjoying the feeling of dominating her. Looking back, it makes me sick.

    But that would be the smallest of my crimes.

    I moved onto bigger cities, felled mightier foes, grew in power and influence, and soon became a renowned hero, respected and feared in equal measure. I eventually became so powerful that my physical body could no longer contain my raw strength. I learned how to consume the raw mana in the very air around me, even though I took no time to learn how the mages or scholars actually used their magic or their arcane circles. Soon, I could alter my body however I saw fit. My dark tendrils spread across the entire country that I learned was called Grisia. I usurped the king of the nation, a dark blob connected to a writhing mass of tentacles and organs and mouths and ears and eyes and noses and limbs, an inhuman mass ruling a nation. I would kill strong animals and invading armies and protect the citizens directly from my castle, the mass of my body so large that I could be anywhere in the nation all at once. One hundred chefs cooked me meals around the clock, 24/7, and soon I was fucking every woman in the nation, all at once, all the time, their screams becoming the new background noise of the country. I always kept the princess, the would-be queen of the nation, kneeling in front of the throne and sucking my human dick at all times, my cum laced with chemicals that kept her awake and nutritionally satiated.

    The horror I inflicted on the nation caused the population to decrease over the years as a result of starvation and a lack of new children being produced. As sexual a creature as I was, it seemed I was infertile, and the thought of another man inseminating one of my women with their seed was unthinkable to me. My mind deteriorated and I began to believe I was God. All too soon, Grisia was destroyed. No life in it remained. No animals, no trees, no plants, no humans, just me and the rock I sat on. A King who had devoured his throne. I sat there for a few days, thinking about what I should do next. I knew there were other nations. I could set my sights on them. Ultimately, however, I decided that I didn¡¯t want to be this type of creature anymore. I finally understood that the pain I had inflicted on other people had brought me no lasting joy at all. My addiction to sin was ever growing, my appetite for evil never satiated. I was a creature who could grow infinitely, but there was nowhere meaningful for me to go. And when I realised that lacking care for others brought me no joy, I¡­ I finally felt real, genuine guilt for the first time in my life.

    I finally understood what empathy was. It was painful. I resolved to atone however I could.

    But I was already starting to become something else. My mind fractured, split into two. The side of myself that still saw itself as the undisputed king of the universe didn¡¯t want this newly emerging, guilt ridden ¡®weak¡¯ side of myself to sabotage its conquest of reality. So, using the last of my strength, I created Lilly. I was able to use the mana in the air to invisibly give a piece of my power, my heart, to any child I wanted in the womb of a mother elsewhere in this world. I took the life of that little baby, supplanted her consciousness with my own, became ¡®Lilly¡¯, just so that I could repent. And also because I sensed this child would grow up to be beautiful. And¡­ I craved beauty. I could change my body however I wanted, but I wasn¡¯t beautiful. I realised that maybe I treated women so awfully because I jealously desired to be one myself. I wanted to experience the other side of the coin. Both to develop my empathy, and also because it was what I had wanted all along, ever since I was a child on Earth.

    I had always hated my masculinity. I thought it was to blame for all my negative behaviours.

    ¡­ And yet, here I am. No less a monster than I was when I started. I had proven that I was still as selfish as I always was, even with the oestrogen of a human body influencing my mind. I was just as bad as a girl as I was as a boy, and I couldn¡¯t blame testosterone or a male identity anymore. The only difference was that now I wanted to force a princess to let me suck her dick, rather than force a princess to suck mine. Barely a difference. I was still treating Ayano as an instrument for my pleasure, I had just become more insincere. But whether I wanted to love her romantically and sweetly or rape her, either way, if she didn¡¯t want it, then she didn¡¯t want it. I still had a dubious understanding of consent, no matter how I tried to dress up my desires as other things.

    ¡°That¡¯s right. That¡¯s why you should listen to me from now on. This little experiment of ours was¡­ A dramatic failure, wouldn¡¯t you say?¡±

    I heard that voice reach out to me through the void as I awoke. I found myself in a world of pure darkness. I was still Lilly. I could still feel my human body, but I was surrounded by Monstra on all sides. My heart was beating loudly, it was deafening, it rocked through my entire body. Then it truly hit me. I *was* the heart. I was the heart of this beast, now returned to it. I had never been a separate entity. I had been mistaken. I wasn¡¯t an individual who had separated from a Monstra hive mind, or who happened to carry its blood for no discernable reason. The Monstra mass left in Grisia was just me, left to sit like a lump without direction, mindlessly grabbing food wherever it found it without any real motivation or a plan of action. But I was here again. I had returned to myself, the rest of my body.

    But how had I gotten here? Oh¡­ Right. Immediately after attacking Priscilla, I felt Grisia calling to me¡­ I then remembered what Ayano had told me, about how Monstra could slip through time and space by heading into the radius of annihilation spheres. I had gone to the one in the forest, where the two of us had once fought the Monstra that had emerged from there, and that was how I had ended up here. In Grisia. Right in the middle of the Monstra horde. It was as I had been sleeping that all my memories of my former life returned.

    ¡°That¡¯s right. And now that your memories have returned, let¡¯s go back to being ourselves, yes? Lilly was a pointless experiment¡­ It was doomed from the start. Trying to live a new life without any of our prior memories? Stupid. Amnesia or not, girl or not, you¡¯re still the same disgusting you. All you achieved was decades of suffering under some dumb bitch noble and a whole lot of pointless heartbreak. Lilly was a failure, so shall we finally discard her? You remember our true name, yes? For our reunion and rehabilitation, let¡¯s call ourselves by our real name, A-¡±

    ¡°No! No no no no no! I¡¯m still Lilly! Just Lilly!¡±

    I was noticing its voice now, all around me, echoing inside my skull, in my brain, gripping my very soul with its selfish icy cold grip. I was speaking to the side of myself that I tried to pretend wasn¡¯t me anymore. The side of me that wanted to abandon guilt and pursue its endless path of pleasure and destruction. The path of endless consumption was one I didn¡¯t want to follow. The side of me I had left behind when I decided to place my heart into this human body. And now it was reading my mind¡­ Because it was a mind we both shared. We were one and the same.

    ¡°That¡¯s right, you can keep no secrets from me. So. Tell me. Why shouldn¡¯t we follow the path of domination? Consumption is the way of all life in the universe. However¡­ We could consume more¡­ Sustainably this time. You¡¯ve learned a lot from being a human, haven¡¯t you? Learned about magic¡­ To think, this time, we could keep people alive eternally¡­ We could research potential fixes for our little infertility problem¡­ We can make sure that there are enough humans around us to keep us entertained for the rest of eternity. So there doesn¡¯t have to be destruction involved¡­ Just love and growth. You¡¯ve taken a liking to the Selician princess, haven¡¯t you? We can sever her contract with the spirits completely, erase her pain, supplant the spirits as the force that keeps the planet¡¯s ecosystem alive and healthy. We can keep her alive and young forever, and, well¡­ Humans are fragile creatures. Pump their brains with just the right chemical cocktail of serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine and such, and she¡¯ll be in love with you in no time¡­ She¡¯ll be thanking you for fixing absolutely everything, don¡¯t you think?¡±

    I wasn¡¯t about to entertain any of this.

    ¡°It¡¯s not worthwhile if she isn¡¯t choosing it for herself. People are more than just chemicals.¡±

    ¡°No, we¡¯re not. This world¡­ It might have mana, it might have spirits and souls. Concepts that would be seen as ¡®supernatural¡¯ back on Earth. But here on Terrestia, they are totally scientific concepts. Completely natural, just as natural as chemical processes in the body¡­ And even here, it has been scientifically verified that the existence of a soul does not override chemical processes in the brain. All personality is a product of our environment. There is no such thing as an ¡®essential character¡¯. The soul, mana¡­ It¡¯s all just a form of energy. Energy that can be manipulated, and we are the best at manipulating it. Especially when it comes to the body. So far we have only bothered to change ourselves, but altering the bodies of others should prove trivial with minimal practice. This is all to say that even if spirits exist, even if there is some form of existence after death in this place¡­ There is still no such thing as the ¡®metaphysical¡¯. There is nothing in this world that can exist outside of the known laws of the universe.¡±

    ¡°What¡¯s your point?¡±

    ¡°Easy. That an Ayano we¡­ *encourage* is no less herself than an Ayano we do not interfere with. You might call it mind control, but I would call it nature. Just think, when you hug someone, when you have enjoyable sex¡­ Are the feelings of affection born between those two people not simply the product of the chemicals produced by those actions? We are the most powerful entity in this world known as Terrestia. We can manipulate nature to our very will. Is that simply not an optimisation of existing processes? If we can induce feelings of love and euphoria at will, does that not mean that we deserve to be the most sought out individual in this world? If we have the power to be this person, should we not have the will?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t believe that might makes right. It''s not an optimization, it''s a perversion of others'' will.¡±

    ¡°You misunderstand me. I do not believe in a fundamental axiomatic morality, least of all an axiom such as ¡®might makes right¡¯. There is no God, and if there is, we could devour it, because we are the closest entity to that which one might call a ¡®God¡¯ in this world. There is only pure chaos in this universe, and from that chaos, we spontaneously emerged. We do not ¡®deserve¡¯ the power we have. We were not ¡®chosen¡¯. Our power over others does not mean that our morality is correct. But the fact of the matter is that, like it or not, we do have power over others and we have that power without consequence- Now, I know what you¡¯re going to say. Maybe no consequences to us, but what about consequences to them? Well, my weak little me, isn¡¯t that all the more reason to grow stronger? So that we can protect their interests as well?¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t know that there isn¡¯t a God. Don¡¯t speak so authoritatively when nobody can know for certain. You just want to believe in the lack of a God so that you can fill that space yourself. Moreover, I know that you only want to protect people because your attitude led to the death of a nation, the death of all your playthings. You want to learn how to take care of your toys rather than break them. How does that make you any less monstrous, though? What sort of life are they living if they have to abide by the whims of an entity who presides over life and death, over their pain and suffering? Shouldn¡¯t a truly moral God leave their people be, to allow them to make their own decisions?¡±

    ¡°Very rich coming from someone who is upset that her former girlfriend made decisions she doesn''t like. Listen. Even if no God exists, all humans want to exist beneath a God. Even the ones who do not believe in a God secretly wish one existed. That is why many atheists still obsess over maintaining the authority of a nation. A government is the next closest thing they can have to God, something all seeing, all knowing, all loving and all protecting, and an absolute arbiter of morality. Whether the state¡¯s legitimacy is justified through the divine right of a monarchy or the democratic will of the people or anything else, the purpose a state serves is always to serve as a substitute for deities. This is because humans are creatures who suffer. They suffer because they do not understand morality because there is no such thing as morality, so they wish for something powerful who can promise them salvation from the burden of having to make choices. As God-like beings in the public psyche, we can create morality for them.. Not because we have the ability to decide what is and what is not an axiom¡­ Nobody does. But because, however we choose to exercise our power, we can make them believe that we can. And if we can do that, then we can erase all of the suffering in the world.¡±

    ¡°I know what you¡¯re like. What *I* am like. All morality would point towards your stomach and your¡­¡±

    ¡°Dick? I know you want to say vagina. But you know as well as I do that you are male.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m a girl. I¡¯m a girl and I don¡¯t have a dick, and even if I did, that wouldn¡¯t make me any less of a girl.¡±

    ¡°... Are you sure about that? When Priscilla asked you to grow a dick, you obliged¡­ And penetrating her felt a lot better than being dicked by Ayano, didn¡¯t it?¡±

    ¡°It didn¡¯t. I hated it. I wish I hadn¡¯t done that. For a variety of reasons. The penis being one of them.¡±

    ¡°You hated it because you enjoyed it. You told yourself you enjoyed it but you liked having a girl beg you for your cock. The same as you always have.¡±

    ¡°SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! YOU¡¯RE PUTTING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD THAT I DON¡¯T BELIEVE! IF I DID FEEL GOOD, IT WAS BECAUSE I LIKED PRISCILLA, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GENITALIA!¡±

    Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

    ¡°Oh, so you did like Priscilla? So much for the Princess being your one and only¡­ Maybe you were more jealous that Ayano was sleeping with her¡­ Perhaps you should have attacked Ayano out of jealousy instead?¡±

    ¡°I¡­ I shouldn¡¯t have attacked either of them¡­ I should have believed Ayano when she said Priscilla was an assassin, and I should have let her punish Priscilla as she saw fit¡­ I should have protected Ayano¡¯s life, not my ego¡­ After I left, it was only natural that the two of them would try to seek comfort in each other, and Priscilla was taking advantage of her, trying to kill her, so I shouldn¡¯t say that she was cheating on me¡­ And you¡¯re right, maybe my feelings weren¡¯t as pure as I thought they were, but¡­ I¡­ I still love Ayano all the same¡­¡±

    ¡°Because you feel guilty? You feel guilty because of how you made Ayano feel. You don¡¯t feel guilty about hospitalising Priscilla?¡±

    ¡°I do!¡±

    ¡°Because of how Ayano feels. Do you feel guilty because of how Priscilla feels? Come on. I thought you were supposed to be the empathetic side of me. Was Priscilla really just someone who you felt you could just use and discard?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll make it up to Priscilla too. I don¡¯t think of her that way, I just¡­¡±

    ¡°How? You can barely make it up to Ayano. You can¡¯t make it up to anyone¡­ Not without my help. You¡¯re blinded to everyone but Ayano. You¡¯re upset because you¡¯re not slobbering all over each other¡¯s dicks right now.¡±

    ¡°S-Stop¡­ Talking about our genitalia¡­ It¡¯s disgusting and perverse¡­ The fact of the matter is that Ayano is a girl-¡±

    ¡°When did I say she wasn¡¯t?¡±

    ¡°-Don¡¯t interrupt me. The fact of the matter is that she and I are girls and¡­ You¡¯re being really inappropriate and¡­ Umm¡­¡±

    ¡°... Can I interject now?¡±

    ¡°Sure. Fine.¡±

    ¡°Thank you. Listen. Here¡¯s my perspective. Male, female, what does it matter? We had a consistent anatomy on Earth, but here, there is no consistency. Why stick to male and female? We can change our bodies however we want, we can change humans too! Alter anatomy and genetics to create three, four, hundreds of different sexes and genders, both biological and social! Who cares what we identify as? Why even identify as human or Monstra? We can be whatever animal we want! We can change animals however we want too, create furries! I know we¡¯re not into that, but I know you¡¯ve always wanted anime cat girls to exist! The point is, the important thing is that we¡¯re *us*. You and I, we¡¯re both me! That''s what matters! Biological and social labels have no bearing with us!¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not having a real argument with me, you¡¯re just talking about stuff you don¡¯t believe. We were born male on Earth, so you think there¡¯s something fundamental to our nature that is essentially ¡®male¡¯. Just like how you feel that our power gives us some quality that is essentially ¡®God-like¡¯. You say you¡¯re not but you¡¯re a highly essentialist thinker. You know as well as I do that we don¡¯t identify ourselves to be on the non binary spectrum, no matter what changes we can make to this body. You think we¡¯re male, I think we¡¯re female. We both want to hold onto a consistent identity, not throw it up in the air. An identity that feels right. Not intellectually, but emotionally. I know what I want to be. Human. Girl. Those are two important labels for me.¡±

    ¡°You picked those arbitrarily. My basis for our identity is rooted in some sort of reality.¡±

    ¡°You can say that if you want, even though I know you know that your beliefs are no less rooted in reality than mine, but that doesn¡¯t change how I feel. You know we¡¯ve wanted to be a girl ever since Earth. We repressed it, but we¡¯re here now.¡±

    ¡°Are you telling me that, if we were still on Earth, right now we¡¯d be taking hormones and buying cute clothes and going through medical procedures and changing our name and demanding that those around us refer to us, a biological male, as a girl?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s how gender identity works. Come on. You know all this. We read up studies and information on it, pretending we were ¡®curious¡¯ and not excited.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t recall such a thing.¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m trying to lie to myself like this¡­ Is gaslighting an appropriate term to refer to what is happening right now?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s an overused term. You can lie to yourself, but you can¡¯t gaslight yourself¡­ Listen, why are you so insistent on this? Do you think being a girl makes you a better person? You¡¯re still behaving poorly even though you¡¯ve been a girl for just over 20 years. Being a girl has had no bearing on the quality of your character, so why care? Do you want to know what it feels like to be a victim of the patriarchy? Do you hate testosterone? Is a vagina really any better than a penis? Do you want people to fawn over you more? Do you fetishise yourself when you look in the mirror?¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t control the desire. But I imagine that¡¯s not enough for you. The truth is, as a man, I just don¡¯t like myself in any capacity. I don¡¯t like how violent I am-¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re still violent¡±

    ¡°But I¡¯m LESS violent. I don¡¯t like how I look-¡±

    ¡°So you fetishise yourself¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t masturbate to the sight of my own reflection, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re implying.¡±

    ¡°Well, I suppose I can verify that you don¡¯t do that.¡±

    ¡°Right. It¡¯s about feeling good about myself. It¡¯s about looking in the mirror, smiling, and being content, not about being turned on in the mirror. That¡¯s another thing I hate about you. Everything comes down to sex sex sex, you¡¯re horny all the time and as a girl my libido is reduced and-¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re giving me that bullshit. All you think about is sex too.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m obsessed with love. I enjoy cuddling and talking and making an emotional connection just as much if not moreso than raw fucking. It¡¯s not something that I¡¯m craving constantly. I was talking about a reduced libido, not an eliminated libido.¡±

    ¡°Fine.¡±

    ¡°I just feel better about myself this way. It feels like this is how I was meant to be. It¡¯s as simple as that. Emotions may be arbitrary, but that doesn¡¯t mean that I haven¡¯t thought about this deeply and carefully. At the end of the day I can choose to be a woman or I can choose to be miserable. Those are my only real choices.¡±

    ¡°Alright. Fair enough. I was lying to you. We¡¯re transgender, and now that we¡¯re in this fantasy world with magic body modification powers, it¡¯s the easiest thing in the world to be transgender or transexual or trans whatever. No reason to be a biological essentialist. I was arguing against essentialism earlier anyway, so it would be a bit strange to insist that we¡¯re male. You tried to call me out for being a liar and I don¡¯t want you to believe that I am. And I mean we¡¯re also like¡­ Transworlders. And trans body-snatchers¡­ That term doesn¡¯t really work, but a term that does work is Transhuman! That¡¯s a thing we are, even if we still socially identify as human¡­ So, you could say that we¡¯ve transitioned into a lot of different things. We barely resemble who we used to be. So I¡¯ll concede to you. Let¡¯s try again. Start off on the right foot this time. To start, what do we call ourselves from now on?¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re Lilly. I am Lilly.¡±

    ¡°... Fine. Lilly it is then. And as I just said, I¡¯m willing to fully accept ourselves as a woman, too. So, Lilly, what do we want?¡±

    ¡°Ayano. I mean. I want to make it up to Ayano.¡±

    ¡°She doesn¡¯t want us¡­ I¡¯m sorry, let¡¯s try and fuse our thoughts a little bit here, shall we. She doesn¡¯t want me-¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t trust you yet. We¡­ Need to keep talking like this for a bit longer. I don¡¯t want to accept you as a part of me yet.¡±

    ¡°You will have to. But fine. Let¡¯s work through this. As I was saying, Ayano doesn¡¯t want you. I¡¯m sure she would appreciate an apology, but I know what you¡¯re thinking. You want to go above and beyond. You want to craft an apology so grand that she¡¯ll recognise how much you love her and she¡¯ll fall in love with you all over again, for real this time. Is that right?¡±

    ¡°¡­ Yeah.¡±

    ¡°It won¡¯t work. She already knows that you love her a lot. If a quantity of love could win her over, then you¡¯d have won her over several times over already.¡±

    ¡°You? Believing that a quantity of anything can¡¯t solve all our problems?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m working with you here. Trying to come up with solutions that don¡¯t involve so-called ¡®brainwashing¡¯. I already know that you strongly reject that, even though I think it¡¯s the best solution for all involved¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s a bad solution. It¡¯s not even a good solution for us. I can¡¯t live with a version of Ayano who didn¡¯t choose to be with me of her own free will. I don¡¯t care about your weasley little existential semantic arguments to try and justify that. If we¡¯re interfering with her brain against her will for any reason, then it¡¯s an unnatural intervention, even if the chemicals themselves are totally ¡®natural¡¯.¡±

    ¡°Alright alright, well argued. Well, here¡¯s another thought- Who gives a shit about Ayano? I mean really, you fell in love with her quickly, just because she showed you kindness. And sure, it was a lot of kindness- I like anyone stupid enough to give us freedom. But you have your memories back now. You¡¯re hardly the virgin you thought you were. You¡¯ve fucked an entire nation of women, plenty of whom were hotter, plenty of whom were kinder. We can find someone else, or even multiple someone elses, who might be better than her or anyone we ever fucked-¡±

    ¡°You say fuck, I say love. Sure, I enjoyed sex with Ayano, but¡­ It¡­ It was about love. Mutual pleasure seeking. And it was about calmness, peace, gentleness, opening up emotionally. It wasn¡¯t about seeking the maximum amount of the most intense or violent pleasures at all times. W-Well¡­ I supposed the first time was pretty intense, but why wouldn¡¯t it be when we¡¯re both excited to be sleeping with a new partner? It was still loving even though it was rough. Also, can you really say that you¡¯re not a virgin if you¡¯ve only ever had sex with women who didn¡¯t consent to you? How many of their names do you remember? Did you give a crap about any of them? Did any of them even somewhat like you? How much suffering did you inflict on them?¡±

    ¡°Point still stands, though. Go and be lovey dovey with someone else. There¡¯s a nation''s worth of us to give, after all. Literally. We¡¯re not lacking in what we can offer people. Many people will surely like you. You¡¯re lecturing me on consent but you¡¯re still obsessing over someone who isn¡¯t interested in what you¡¯re offering. Just like. Give yourself to someone who actually wants it.¡±

    ¡°She told me she loves me. I believed her when she said it. There has to be some other circumstance¡­ Something else that¡¯s holding her back. Was it Julia? Georgia? Has she been consuming too much sad fiction? Does she feel like a fraud? Was it something I did? Something I did before hurting Priscilla, I mean- I just. I don¡¯t want to give up whilst she still has feelings for me left in her heart. There must be some path I can take, some special combination of words and actions I can go on to-¡±

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter, Lilly. She says she doesn¡¯t want it. And you¡¯re treating her like a child- Like really, you¡¯re blaming sad fiction? Like that ¡®Ayano and Marianne¡¯ story? I thought you loved her, but now you¡¯re blaming her influences to try and deflect from the fact that she had probably been thinking deeply and agonising over the decision she made for a while now. And even if there was some highly specific path you can take, it¡¯s not your job to try and calculate her emotions down to a formula you can solve. Do you think you¡¯re playing some sort of romantic visual novel?¡±

    ¡°You wanted to calculate her brain chemistry down to a formula we can solve.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t deflect. We¡¯re past that. Don¡¯t ignore the fact that you¡¯re making the same fundamental argument as I was. You''re thinking of words and gestures the same way I was thinking about brain chemistry. You want to hack her brain just as much as I do, your methods are just vastly less effective. Do you deny that?¡±

    ¡°¡­ No¡­¡±

    ¡°There we are then. Give up on Ayano. She doesn¡¯t want it.¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Then we¡¯re at an impasse, aren¡¯t we? We¡¯re just going to have to wait until your feelings fade or she changes her mind. How are you going to keep yourself occupied until then?¡±

    ¡°Romantic gestures. Even though they don¡¯t work. I¡¯ll be her dog and wait for the day she changes her mind and-¡±

    ¡°Do you think Ayano wants a dog, or an equal? Like, really, do you think being a dog makes you a better person? You still have the exact same root cravings as I do. You¡¯re denying yourself happiness and you¡¯re letting guilt eat at you. Happiness isn¡¯t a reward for good deeds, happiness is something you seize for yourself. That¡¯s how we lived, it¡¯s how all happy people live. It was glorious!¡±

    ¡°¡­ So I¡¯m a terrible person no matter what I do¡­¡±

    ¡°Stop worrying about doing well by other people, and start worrying about yourself. People like people who actually love themselves.¡±

    ¡°But I¡¯m a monster.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re powerful¡±

    ¡°So I should abandon my responsibility towards the world because I have power?¡±

    ¡°We can both be responsible and love ourselves.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t trust either of us. I don¡¯t trust myself with power. I¡¯m just like those humans you described. I want a higher power, a God, to tell me what¡¯s right and wrong and relieve me of the need to think. I don¡¯t like having conversations like this with myself. I hate it. I hate all of it. Things would be so much easier if Ayano had never broken up with me. I¡¯d have never found you again, you¡¯d be dead, memories of my old life would be forever buried, life would be so simple, and I could live under her thumb, she could tell me right from wrong and I would believe her because she keeps me on her leash and I love her for that.¡±

    ¡°... You¡¯re a submissive and she¡¯s a dominant. She¡¯s your goddess. You just want to get on your knees and worship her and hope she offers you salvation. Cum flavoured salvation. You want freedom from pain and that pesky free will you¡¯re so keen to get rid of. You¡¯re just like everyone else, just like we were discussing earlier. You¡¯re a God yet you still need someone to be subservient to. I always did think that there was a psychosexual element to religion and government. In any case, that¡¯s why you¡¯re so fixated on her, isn¡¯t it? Other people don¡¯t dominate you the way she does. Why would you want control over someone younger and less powerful than you, when you don¡¯t trust yourself to treat them well? You¡¯re only attracted to people more powerful and experienced than you. Because you mistakenly believe you can trust them to keep you in line. Have I summarised all that correctly?¡±

    ¡°Yes. I suppose so¡­ Talking to you, I¡¯m technically free right now. We¡¯re free to do whatever we want with this world. But I don¡¯t feel like I¡¯m particularly free. I¡¯m wallowing in the filth of my own mind.¡±

    ¡°Because you don¡¯t trust yourself¡±

    ¡°Because I have no reason to trust myself. I¡¯ve proven time and time again that there¡¯s no reason why I nor anybody else should trust me.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not going to budge on this, are you?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°Then we can¡¯t reach a resolution. You¡¯re just going to have to wait for something that won¡¯t happen. Or wait for your own feelings to change. Wait for someone who actually will love you and give you everything you want and need.¡±

    ¡°Wait¡­ Wait wait wait wait wait¡­ Wait as my sanity fades and my body ages and deteriorates and-¡±

    ¡°We¡¯re immortal. We¡¯ll live forever.¡±

    ¡°But I don¡¯t know if I want this power! I want to be human. I don¡¯t want to be young while the person I love ages and dies without me.¡±

    ¡°We can make them immortal too! Ugh, listen, you¡¯re not making sense, there¡¯s all these practical things we could be doing to deal with problems that only we can deal with and-¡±

    ¡°We don¡¯t deal with problems. We create them. We¡¯re a cancer on this world. You know that we¡¯re only here because Ayano stepped through that mirror, right? We might just be a punishment imposed on this world by the spirits, the powers that be. Maybe this is a reality that was never meant to be and we¡¯re the cancer upon it. Maybe this world exists entirely inside the mirror and your power was trapped here inside that mirror by some ancient mage or something. Also, notice how this world is supposedly unrelated to Earth, yet there¡¯s so many cultural similarities? The Selician and the Grisians both speak a native language that¡¯s identical to English. Many words such as the rituals people cast in this world, such as the ¡®Ars Nihil Sphaera¡¯ and even the name of this world, ¡®Terrestia¡¯ come from Latin roots. Animals are the same. Even Dragons exist in this world, creatures that may have just been fictional on Earth, but they actually exist here. Either the worlds are connected, or one world or the other isn¡¯t real. What are the chances that we were just put here arbitrarily, with the powers we have? Maybe we died on Earth and this is some elaborate hallucination we¡¯re experiencing in our dying brain in the final few seconds before it totally shuts down. Or maybe Earth never existed, and Terrestia is the only real world. We may just be a constructed personality with a false history given these powers designed solely to bring this world to ruin, or maybe we¡¯re here to test it and-¡±

    ¡°Theories like that will rot your brain. Ayano stepped through a mirror and changed the past? You really believe that? I don¡¯t even think she believes that. Maybe one of the things you suggested is correct, or maybe reality didn¡¯t get altered at all and a spirit screwed with her memories. Who cares? We are what we are and we remember what we remember. Don¡¯t doubt yourself like that. Contemplating that kind of dead end existentialism won¡¯t be getting us anywhere.¡±

    ¡°Whether we were intended to be or not, we¡¯re still a cancer on this world.¡±

    ¡°What do you think we could do to make it better, then? You¡¯re only thinking about Ayano, not the world. You don¡¯t want to make the world a better place, you only care about winning her back.¡±

    ¡°While I¡¯m still unloved, I don¡¯t trust myself to help the world.¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t agree, but fine. Romantic gestures. Give me a tangible one. Surely you don¡¯t expect a bouquet of flowers to be a sufficient enough demonstration of love?¡±

    ¡°¡­ I¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh ho ho¡­ I know what you¡¯re thinking, and I think I like it!¡±

    ¡°Of course you do. It involves destroying another nation. You love violence. Forget I even considered it.¡±

    ¡°No no, listen, you¡¯re still dead set on Ayano, right? You still love her? I¡¯ve tried to argue that you should look for someone else, or do literally anything else with your life, but¡­ If you¡¯re still dead set on her, then¡­ I have an idea¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ Begrudgingly listening.¡±

    ¡°Let¡¯s compromise. Let¡¯s do everything we can to make her ours¡­ Without utilising brain washing. You¡¯ve tried the lovey dovey human route. You got obsessed, she broke up with you, then you nearly killed that maid she was sleeping with because you got crazy jealous. Sure, Priscilla was trying to kill Ayano, but you didn¡¯t know that, and you fucked up Priscilla baaaaaad. You fucked up and you¡¯re not recovering from that. The human route is done. So we have two approaches left. I¡¯ll tell you about the Monstra route first-¡±

    ¡°Where we destroy Zeer, protecting the citizens but destroying all of their military and governmental infrastructure. We¡¯ll kill all their mages and scholars, and kill Hiljosky in front of Ayano. She¡¯ll love the fact that we went out of her way to destroy her biggest enemy just for her. Well, her biggest enemy besides us. You to be more specific.¡±

    ¡°Now you¡¯re getting it! That¡¯s the Monstra route.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s probably not going to work. I don¡¯t actually think she¡¯ll love the fact that we destroyed Zeer. I just think she¡¯ll be terrified that we destroyed a nation just for her. Terrified and disgusted with us.¡±

    ¡°But we¡¯re still doing it, right?¡±

    ¡°¡­ Yeah. I hate that Hiljosky guy anyway. We can write a love message in the sky or the landscape of the nation or something. It won¡¯t soften the blow, in fact, it might make things worse, but I still want to do it. There¡¯s a romantic notion to it. A narrative punch. She doesn¡¯t want me back anyway, so why not behave badly? Nothing I do makes a difference either way, so I might as well beg and plead and cry and wail and shit on the carpet.¡±

    ¡°And write a love song! We can make instruments out of our body and play something! She¡¯ll surely fall in love with us if we sing our heart out!¡±

    ¡°She won¡¯t. But I want to write one anyway. It¡¯ll be a fun creative outlet.¡±

    ¡°Right, right! If this whole ¡®being the most powerful entity in the world¡¯ thing doesn¡¯t work out, you can try your hand at being a musician.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯d rather be a chef.¡±

    ¡°Who writes amateur music on the side! Maybe some poetry? Short stories? Novels even?¡±

    ¡°Sure. If I feel like it. I¡¯d probably just write about how much I love Ayano though.¡±

    ¡°Whatever keeps the creativity flowing, right? Now, onto the final route, the Angel route¡­¡±

    ¡°The Angel route is our last resort. I don¡¯t agree with altering her mind, but¡­ When I think back to what that Chimera said. That I can ¡®even be gold¡¯... I had no idea what it meant at the time, but¡­ I think I¡¯ve just figured out what it means. It means that even though I am opposed to altering her mind, I can still try and win her over by placing her¡­ Placing this world¡­ Within the perfect environment. Since the Monstra route will fail it¡¯ll inevitably come down to the Angel route and it will have to work.¡±

    ¡°The Angel route seems to be a bit corny to me, but I think it¡¯s clear that your desires are winning out, so my hands are tied.¡±

    ¡°Good. So, instead of me becoming a part of you, do you then concede to becoming a part of me?¡±

    ¡°... Sure, Lilly. Let¡¯s do this.¡±

    And that was that. I knew what I had to do. I was in full control of my body. My perspective widened from the young woman inside the black mass to the black mass itself. Eyes opened everywhere across my body, all at once. People all across the world whose job it was to monitor me at all times would notice this sudden awakening. This sign of awareness. It felt amazing. Powerful. It was good to be back. I felt cannon shots and magical energy fire themselves uselessly into my body as my nation sized form began to crawl into the ocean.

    I had seized all of myself. Soon, I would seize the world, and turn it into something perfect. And I would give Ayano the full freedom to choose to accept it or to reject it.

    But I think that she might learn to like it.

    First, however, it was time to get my revenge on Zeer.

 Chapter 20- Hiljosky

    Being the President is the world¡¯s most difficult waiting game. I sit in my office all day, preparing speeches, talking to advisors, taking phone calls, all to distract myself from the fact that there are only a small handful of issues that I actually care about on that particular day, and I can do nothing but wait for news on those issues. Right now, I¡¯m waiting on a report from my spies. One named Cedric, specifically. Priscilla went dark a few days ago, and the thought that the Belfonse bitch may have caught onto Priscilla boils my blood. Will she interrogate Priscilla? What information will she learn? What demands will I be forced to meet? The Princess had my balls in a vice. Vile woman. Life would be so much easier if I could just wipe Selicia and all of its smugness off the map.

    Finally, I get a knock at the door. Somewhat frantic knocking. That¡¯s unusual, I wasn¡¯t expecting anyone to come visit my office. Staring at the blank piece of paper on my desk, waiting for Cedric¡¯s report to come in, I almost wanted to ignore the knocking entirely. The report should be here any second now, and I wanted to read it the second it arrived. However, it seemed that I would not be allowed the luxury of ignoring whoever was at my door. My military chief, Norja, opened the door and headed inside. He walked across the black marble tiling and onto the red, white, and black rug that depicted the Zeerian flag. Once he was standing on the dead centre of the rug, he saluted, the sunlight from the large open windows behind me framing his face in a dramatic light.

    ¡°Sir! Eye witnesses have reported movement in Grisia! The Monstra has opened its eyes, and its entire body has moved into the ocean!¡±

    ¡°All of it!?¡± I responded in disbelief, not entirely processing what he was saying.

    ¡°Footage taken is being processed now. But we can confirm that Grisia is entirely empty. Judging by its movements on the ocean floor, we think it is heading towards Zeer.¡±

    ¡°Why now¡­!¡±

    My body begins to shake as I suddenly smell something salty. I look at the paper on my desk. It¡¯s soaked in sea water. My blood ran cold.

    ¡°... How are our oil rigs?¡±

    ¡°Perfectly intact sir- No¡­¡± Norja went silent for a moment as he took out his radio and listened to whoever was on the other side.

    ¡°... One of our oil rigs was just destroyed. No, two¡­ And our navy is being sunk at a rapid rate. Besides what we have stored at shore, it¡¯s estimated that our sea assets will be completely annihilated in¡­ 8¡­ 7 minutes.¡±

    Blood began to appear on the page, a splatter at the time. Then, finally, in ink, words appeared. In big, bold lettering, the word ¡®EVACUATE¡¯ appeared.

    ¡°... Prepare the Ars Nihil Sphaera ritual. Immediately. It is after us and we must-¡±

    ¡°But sir, if Selicia knows we¡¯re casting it-¡±

    ¡°IT¡¯S OUR ONLY CHANCE, DO IT!¡±

    I slammed my fists on my desk, my hand going straight through the expensive wood as I screamed those words.

    ¡°Yes sir right away- Oh¡­ Oh fuck oh fuck¡­ President, behind you¡­¡±

    ¡°STOP STALLING! CAST THE RITUAL AND- Oh. Oh SHIT!¡±

    As I continued screaming I had, indeed, turned around. I didn¡¯t even think the shore was visible from the Black House until now, but I saw it clearly. The form of the Monstra, swallowing the sky entirely as it appeared on the shores of my precious country. Eyes and teeth replaced the clouds and the sun. Immediately, the world went pitch black. I was frozen in place for a few moments. This wasn¡¯t real. It had to be a nightmare. Was it always this big? I had known it was roughly the same size as Grisia but¡­ Right now it felt like it was planet sized. An annihilation sphere wasn¡¯t going to do shit against this! But even so, I turned back to Norja, ready to bark more orders- But he was gone! I saw his feet for a split second as he ran out of my office and turned the corner.

    ¡°Coward! You call yourself a general!?¡± I shouted, and immediately followed suit, running out of the office, looking for someone, anyone.

    It was difficult to do when the building was so dark. Lights were coming on, but very slowly. I ran through the corridors, knocking over ornaments as I stumbled through the dark, looking for literally anybody. Eventually I bumped into a young woman, someone who I assumed was a secretary. I placed my hands on her shoulders to keep her in place.

    ¡°Come with me! We need to perform the ritual!¡± I shouted in her face.

    ¡°... Sir, reports suggest that it¡¯s already in the sewage system. It¡¯ll already be in the Black House basement. The ritual cannot be cast.¡±

    ¡°What!? How do you know? It only just arrived at the shore! We still have plenty of time to-¡±

    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

    ¡°Look!¡±

    She pointed out of the window. It was difficult to understand the full extent of what was happening in this darkness, but I could see them. Glowing eyes, all across the courtyard, and their purple irises all swivelled to look at me the moment they realised I was making eye contact with them. I looked out further. The Monstra had completely blanketed the landscape, replacing every texture with itself. She was right. It was already here, sinking itself into every nook and cranny of my glorious country.

    ¡°We need to-¡±

    I turned to look back at the lady I was talking to. But she was already gone. I fell to the floor, holding my head in my hands. I had never felt this defeated before. This hopeless. Everything had been taken away from me in an instant.

    ¡°Hey. Get back in the office. I wanted you to be in your office when I arrived. It¡¯s more dramatic that way.¡±

    I heard a voice whisper in my ear, and a finger and a thumb cupping my chin. I looked up to see a girl, pale and naked, black ooze covering up her private parts, crouching down in front of me. I looked into her purple eyes for a moment. She looked familiar¡­ I had seen her before¡­ And then it clicked. The maid I had seen when leaving Ayano¡¯s office that day. The meek, timid little maid.

    ¡°You¡­ Were the bio weapon?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve been the Monstra all along, yeah. I¡¯ve finally reconnected with myself. Now come on, come on, I¡¯m getting impatient. I have a Princess to court and a world to save.¡±

    She stood up and dragged me to my feet, and in a daze, I followed her into the office. When I did, I discovered that my office was covered in black goop. It was chewing on everything. The rug, the marble, the framed pictures of Zeer¡¯s former presidents. My culture and my pride was being devoured before my very eyes. The girl brushed aside all of the documents on my desk and sat on top of it, crossing her legs, placing her chin in her hands, looking at me.

    ¡°You¡¯ve been a huge thorn in my side, y¡¯know. I bet if you weren¡¯t out here, threatening to destroy Selicia at any moment, Ayano would be a lot less stressed¡­ And if she weren¡¯t quite as stressed, if she only had to worry about domestic affairs, maybe she wouldn¡¯t have rejected me.¡±

    ¡°... What?¡±

    I was so confused. What the fuck was she talking about? My country was being destroyed why, exactly?

    ¡°I mean, sure. The Selician nobles cause her stress¡­ Being royalty in and of itself causes her stress¡­ Her former lovers, like Georgia and Julia, caused her stress¡­ That spirit she broke a contract with causes her a *lot* of stress. But I can¡¯t deal with those people. Well, maybe I can deal with the spirit sometime, but that¡¯s besides the point. Other than the spirit, those people aren¡¯t as¡­ Openly malicious towards her as you are. Why do you hate her so much?¡±

    ¡°... Her country threatens the existence of Zeer¡­¡± I cautiously began, as I began to get the distinct impression that I was dealing with a highly unstable mind, ¡°Not just militarily or economically, but ideologically. Ayano La Belfonse is a Princess. She will be the next Queen. She¡¯s the Monarchy. Monarchy goes against all of my principles.¡±

    ¡°Hmm? Really? I don¡¯t think that¡¯s it. You really seemed to hate her on a more personal level than that. Is it because she¡¯s better than you? Like, admit it. She is. Smarter, prettier, more talented, more composed, craftier. Really, Ayano is basically the best person in Terrestia. That¡¯s why I love her so much. And she¡¯s better than you even though she wasn¡¯t democratically elected. You had to work hard to get the people to love you and become president, but, none of that social power really changes the fact that you¡¯re kind of a boring, petulant, highly unintelligent and boorish man, does it?¡±

    I folded my arms. I wasn¡¯t going to give this monster the satisfaction of seeing me get angry.

    ¡°Oh. You¡¯re giving me that look she does. Maybe you do have an ounce of self restraint after all? I¡¯m impressed, actually. I like that. However, whilst I would never harm her, I don¡¯t mind torturing you until I get the reactions and the answers I want.¡±

    Tentacles burst forth from all directions, wrapping themselves around my body, restraining me and splaying out my limbs, pulling and pulling. It felt like I was going to get torn limb from limb. I groaned as my muscles tore, it felt like I was on fire. She walked up to me, creating a chair, constructed out of an amalgam of all the objects in my room, and sat down on it, fist on her cheek as she rested her elbow down on the arm rest.

    ¡°Y¡¯know, I wasn¡¯t chosen for this either. Or maybe I was, but, who the fuck knows, right? What I can say for sure is that I don¡¯t think I was chosen to have this power via a democratic process. So, with me and Ayano in mind, what use is it to have people like you? You¡¯re worthless. If you have power, then no amount of collective action from the rest of humanity can really do shit against you, can they? Yet you think you¡¯re oh-so awesome just because you have ¡®the people¡¯ behind you. Well, while that may be true, I do still care about humans. I¡¯ve spent more time as a human than I have as, you know, this!¡± She giggled.

    ¡°I feel a lot of guilt, though. That¡¯s why I don¡¯t kill or take advantage of every living creature. Because I know I would feel bad. That¡¯s why your country is going to be safe. It¡¯ll be gooped up for a while, sure. Lots of toxins everywhere for centuries. The land itself is going to suffer. But I haven¡¯t killed any civilians. Just your mages, scholars, and your entire¡­ Wait a moment¡­ Damn, you have some well trained soldiers buuuuutttt¡­ Yeah, the last one just died. Poor guy. *Now* your entire military is dead. All your spies, too. Just gotta work on destroying all your equipment now.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re¡­ In¡­Sane¡­¡± I managed to gasp out.

    ¡°I mean. Who wouldn¡¯t be if they were me? I think I¡¯m pretty benevolent and well adjusted, all things considered. I definitely wouldn¡¯t trust you to be in my shoes. But yeah, sure. I¡¯m pretty fucked up. Here I am, destroying a nation because I¡¯m upset about a break up. The relationship only lasted a handful of months and it feels like the end of my world. All this power and I can¡¯t do shit to make her love me. Y¡¯know, not unless she *stops being her*. I don¡¯t want an Ayano flesh puppet. But¡­ Heh, you know, a part of my *actually thinks* that Ayano is going to love me for this. But you know what? Even if she doesn¡¯t, even though she will probably just hate me even more, I can still say that this has been a lot of fun. I like letting loose. And I like crushing your stupid smug face and your stupid democracy. It¡¯s pathetic when you think you¡¯re oh so awesome and noble just because you have all this social power and no, like, *actual* power. Did you ever learn magic? Did you ever learn how to pick up a sword? Do you have any hobbies at all? No, fucking golf does not count as a hobby. Do you even have a wife? Does she just pump out babies for you or whatever? Do you actually have a real emotional bond with anyone? Like, dude, you suck. I bet you just sit here and take phone calls all day. Your only skills are lying to people with speeches and making promises you can¡¯t keep because there¡¯s too much bureaucracy and too many checks and balances in your stupid system of government. Really, I¡¯m saving you from yourself. You should be thanking me!¡±

    My mind was going blank as the squeezing of her tentacles cut the blood flow across my body. But I wasn¡¯t going to let her get away with this without standing up for my dignity.

    ¡°There¡­ Is¡­ Power¡­ In¡­ The¡­ People¡­ Unified they can¡­ Overcome anything¡­!¡±

    Tears were falling down my face. Yeah. These were my true colours. She could believe it or not, but I really did care about the people. Beneath the day to day stresses of running a nation, I really did want to do my best for them. I wanted to unify them, smooth out disagreements. Work *for* the citizens, not above them. Other presidents might divide to acquire wealth and power, but I truly did want to work against the many corrupt institutions in this country, in this world, and advance this nation forward. I don¡¯t know if I was going to succeed or not, but now, it doesn¡¯t matter. It¡¯s gone. Wiped out by this crazy fucking bitch. This Selician lapdog with the power of a demon.

    ¡°Wow. So noble. Doesn¡¯t make me feel any differently about you, though. Alrighty then, let¡¯s go. I¡¯m keeping you alive for a little bit longer to perform a little show. I¡¯m going to create a new world! A system better than Monarchy or Democracy. I call it ¡®Everybody gets exactly what they want in a world that exists without suffering or entropy¡¯. It¡¯s gonna be neat! Not gonna let you live in it though. Because I hate you.¡±

    With that, I was flung out through the window and into the waiting jaws of the writhing mass surrounding the Black House. As I looked up at the sky, I realised that the Monstra had parted slightly. As it began to rain, I saw words written in the clouds.

    ¡®I¡¯m sorry Priscilla. I love you Ayano!¡¯

 Chapter 21- Ayano

    I still wanted to be in bed, wallowing in self pity, wishing that things could have been different, that I could have been different. But no. Priscilla and Lilly had forced my hand, and now I was out here in the middle of the ocean, far, far away from home, standing in the captain''s cabin and looking at the stormy grey ocean. A mere twelve hours after Priscilla had attempted to take my life, and here I found myself. I was able to walk and use my body properly now, but I still felt a bit numb from the magic she had used on me.

    ¡°Your majesty, news from the front. The Monstra in Grisia moved all at once. It went to Zeer and¡­ Obliterated the nation. President Hiljosky is unaccounted for. Your name has been written across all of its landscape, all across the sky as well.¡±

    I didn¡¯t even look in the direction of the sailor who was giving me this information, not turning away from the sea.

    ¡°... Lilly has been taking this much too far¡­¡±

    ¡°It seems to have returned to Grisia for now. Do you think it knows we¡¯re coming?¡±

    ¡°She does. Stay the course. We make no alterations to our plans.¡±

    ¡°T-This might be too dangerous, your majesty¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll be sure to protect your lives. Don¡¯t worry about anything else. This is more important than any of us. The world is at stake. Understand?¡±

    ¡°... Yes¡­¡±

    He finally left me in peace. I sighed, and let myself shiver. It wasn¡¯t exactly as cold in the cabin as it was to be standing in the biting winds that whipped at those on deck, but it was still freezing. I found that I was bitterly criticising myself for my every decision, second guessing everything. Should I have broken the slave contract? Lilly might have been happier as my slave. Should I have hired her at all? She was a killer and a Monstra. I gave her too much benefit of the doubt, when she was clearly mentally unstable before I had even met her. After all, who wouldn¡¯t be unstable after what she had been through most of her life? Even more stable minds would struggle with harbouring a Monstra. It was remarkable how well she kept things together, all things considered¡­ So much so that I had often found myself forgetting that she wasn¡¯t completely human.

    Should I have broken up with her? I still loved her, but it was precisely because I loved her that I hadn¡¯t wanted to keep pretending that I could be who she needs. But she didn¡¯t understand that. Right now she loves me, not some hypothetical person she may not have even met yet. Should I have just kept on lying? To her and to myself? Everyone around us seemed to support our relationship. Maybe it could have been fine?

    But, seeing how badly she had reacted to the break up, I know it wouldn¡¯t have worked that way. I can¡¯t solve her deep seated issues, much as I¡¯d like to, much as she thinks I can. And I¡¯m¡­ Too emotionally closed off for her. Even if I kept it going, our anxieties would have eventually reached their breaking point, and one of us would have cracked sooner or later.

    ¡°Your highness! It has come into view!¡±

    Indeed, through the grey fog, I could see it. That giant, towering mass in the distance, reaching up into the sky. I had seen it before on visits to Grisia, as I had wanted to observe it myself from a safe distance. But back then it had clearly been dormant. Now, it was writhing about constantly. Even from kilometres away, that fact was obvious.

    ¡°Keep going. We¡¯re nearly-¡±

    But I was interrupted as the beast in the distance began to crawl into the ocean, the waves it produced as it entered into the water, even from so far away, nearly capsizing the boat. In fact, it would have been flipped, if a dark tendril hadn¡¯t caught the boat and kept it steady. A part of it raised out of the water, a form the size of the imperial palace, right next to the boat, blotting out the sky. Yet this was merely a small piece of Lilly¡¯s complete body. It encircled the boat, and soon, we were separated from the rest of the world by a cocoon of darkness, eyes appearing everywhere to watch us. Strangely, this act seemed to calm the waters around us and protect us from the winds. I quickly began to warm up. When I stepped outside of the cabin, I noticed the most disturbing thing of all.

    The air smelt like Lilly. That I was put at ease smelling the familiar scent of my lover was perhaps the most disquieting thing of all about this situation. More disturbing than the fact that she had spotted us and crossed the vast gap between us and Grisia in an instant.

    ¡°Ayano! I have a gift for you! Oh and if any of you fuckers shoot me, you¡¯re dead, got it? Bullets are itchy!¡±

    I headed onto the deck of the ship to see Lilly standing on it, perfectly human, clothed only in purple slime made to resemble a maid costume, my sailor¡¯s guns trained on her. In her arms was president Hiljoskjy, covered in slime, clothes ruined, looking more than a little worse for wear as he struggled against her grip. The immense strength in that slender little body of hers was such that she didn¡¯t even seem to register his attempts to escape her.

    ¡°... Put the President down, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Uh. No. This was meant to be a surprise for you¡­ A-Are you worried that I destroyed the nation? Don¡¯t worry! I inevitably left a lot of sludge there, but I only killed their mages and scholars. Oh, and the military, but¡­ The citizens are alive and well! I¡¯m about to kill this guy for you too. He was an asshole. And with the Blackhouse devastated, their ritual materials for the annihilation sphere destroyed, and this guy dead, Selicia will be the uncontested ruler of the world! Um I mean, the strongest nation!¡±

    ¡°... I don¡¯t care about that, Lilly. I care about the fact that you clearly haven¡¯t taken this well.¡±

    ¡°... So you¡¯re saying that you won¡¯t date me again if I kill this guy?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right.¡±

    ¡°So if I keep him alive then you¡¯ll date me again?¡±

    ¡°... No.¡±

    ¡°Then it doesn¡¯t matter. If it¡¯s up to me, I guess I can do whatever I want.¡±

    The panic on Hiljosky¡¯s face reached its apex as he cried out to me.

    ¡°Princess Ayano! P-Please, save me from this crazy bitch, I beg of you Zeer will do whatever Selicia wants-¡±

    ¡°Bye bye!¡±

    ¡°LILLY STOP!¡±

    But I was too late. I watched as she began to tear him apart, limb from limbs, blood splattering all across the deck, into the water, into the faces of all my sailors. It would have landed on me too if tendrils hadn¡¯t blocked the blood splatter from getting anywhere near me. It was the most brutal death I had ever seen, the way Lilly simply tore him apart as though she were curiously and effortlessly tearing apart a stuffed toy.

    ¡°And let¡¯s drain the blood, clean up, get rid of the smell¡­ Disintegrate his body¡­ Except for this part, Ayano! Here. You can keep his skull as a souvenir.¡±

    The darkness surrounding the boat did indeed dispose of the blood and the body in an instant, as if it had never happened. And before I knew it, a tentacle had indeed placed his clean skull into the palm of my hands. I dropped it immediately. A tentacle caught it.

    ¡°Hmph! Well, I thought it was a pretty nice gift¡­ A bit macabre though, I admit. I.. Didn¡¯t honestly think you would like that. I want you to know that I don¡¯t feel good about it. I feel less guilty about it than killing Gloria and her maid though¡­ And they were even worse to me than this guy was! But it¡¯s okay. I only did this for Selicia. For you. To demonstrate that if you just let me come back under your wing, if you just enslaved me again and told me what to do and fucked me in the ass every day, then I could use this sort of power to help you achieve feats that *wouldn¡¯t* involve brutally killing your political enemies like that. Like, forget Queen, how about ¡®Ayano, God Empress of Terrestia!¡¯ With me at your side, you could improve the lives of the standard of living for the entire world, not just Selicia!¡±

    ¡°... Lilly, I¡­ What¡¯s happened to you¡­ You¡¯re not the girl I loved¡­¡±

    ¡°Because you threw her away, dummy! But don¡¯t worry. She wasn¡¯t going to last anyway, I mean, how could she? I was stupid to think that I could pretend to be human. That I could play by your retarded rules and play handmaiden and take all of your concerns and responsibilities seriously when I should have been absolving you of those things and helping you to rule the world. I was born a Monstra, I will live as a Monstra, and die a Monstra. How could I have ever believed that I was a human? How could I have ever believed that I was in any way shape or form a good person? You want to know something HILARIOUS Ayano? It was me all along! I was the one who fucked Grisia into submission 100 years ago! I was the monster who did that, ME. It wasn¡¯t someone else, I¡­ When I became Lilly, I had discarded those memories on purpose, but I got them back not long ago and I discovered that it was ME! IT WAS ME, ALL ALONG! AND I¡¯M STILL THE SAME FUCKING PERSON! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?¡±

    ¡°Lilly-¡±

    ¡°Shut. My love, please shut up right now and don¡¯t say whatever mumbly useless apology or disavowment you¡¯re about to dribble out RIGHT THIS SECOND and listen carefully. I knew killing that Hiljosk-douche wasn¡¯t going to work out so I prepared my ultimate weapon- A song! Listen to it and be amazed by the depths of my artistic talent and my devotion to you!¡±

    And before I knew it, from the walls of dark sludge surrounding us, instruments made of bone and flesh and organs emerged. Pianos, guitars, violins, triangles¡­ So many things emerged, tendrils or disembodied human fingers appearing to prepare to play them. A microphone appeared next to Lilly, too. The lighting began to dim. It turned pink, purple, green, yellow, red, blue¡­ Shifting slowly. It was like I was in some kind of disco. My stomach was churning and I was getting a headache as she began to sing.

    ~~~

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    It¡¯s a whole world just for me

    It¡¯s the beauty in me,

    The darkness behind my eyelids,

    Just as gorgeous as the sun peaking in over the idyllic hills.

    It¡¯s the sorrow in me,

    The lost dreams in the depths of my soul,

    Just as buried as all the hopes which sank to the ocean floor.

    It¡¯s the violence in me,

    The anger I feel when I am wronged,

    Just as awful as a wasteland torn by hate and greed.

    It¡¯s the love in me,

    The intensity that¡¯s so wonderful and terrible,

    Explosive as a supernova lighting up the depths of space.

    I can¡¯t stand it anymore,

    My impatience rises and rises,

    It¡¯s a whole world that¡¯s just me,

    Reflections of reflections of my reflections,

    I can¡¯t find me in the sea of me,

    I want to seize all of myself.

    I¡¯m a whole world just for you,

    It¡¯s the beauty in you,

    The shape of your perfect form,

    Is a landscape I¡¯ve never seen before.

    It¡¯s the sorrow in you,

    Those countless numbing days of endless expectations,

    Are a rain on me I can¡¯t help but want to comfort,

    It¡¯s the violence in you,

    The strength you muster to stand against anyone,

    Quakes my wasteland into one of love and selflessness,

    It¡¯s the love in you,

    Those feelings that flicker in and out,

    Makes me want to be the fuel that keeps your star burning.

    I can stand it forevermore,

    My feelings grow and grow,

    It¡¯s a whole world that¡¯s just you and me,

    You¡¯re a reflection on the other side of a real mirror,

    I found you in the sea of me,

    So I¡¯ll give you all of me.

    You were the starlight that lit up my empty sky,

    The laughter we shared,

    The discussion we shared,

    The passion we shared,

    The last puzzle piece to slide inside me.

    We could talk forever and still wish we had more time,

    I felt complete and now I can¡¯t let go.

    I¡¯m a void of me without you,

    I grow and grow with nowhere to go,

    Time slips through my fingers,

    Not enough grains of memories to hold onto,

    I¡¯m a pathetic creature,

    For whom enough is never enough,

    I want to keep loving and loving you,

    Until the universe splits us apart.

    I¡¯m a monster of me without you,

    This youless me,

    Is not as strong as you think she is,

    My own self is a heaven,

    Without an exit,

    A prison of infinite freedom,

    A cage of pointless indulgence,

    All the novelty rapidly runs dry.

    I¡¯m the worst of me without you,

    I¡¯m jailed to my own success,

    I miss being a failure together,

    And I¡¯d give up that perfect forever,

    For one last gaze into your eyes.

    The scars upon my world,

    Never heal the way you think,

    They hurt forever and I pretend they don¡¯t.

    My paradise was there with you,

    You took it when you left my universe behind,

    I want to find it down here,

    Something the same,

    Something better,

    Something different,

    Even slightly worse would do,

    I truly do want to find it,

    I search every day,

    I want you to think I¡¯m happy,

    Don¡¯t want the guilt to eat at you,

    But everything is all the same!

    I can¡¯t make you do anything,

    You¡¯d lose yourself without your choice,

    Don¡¯t want the world without the person in it,

    So I wish you¡¯d make the choice you¡¯ll never make,

    And love me again,

    Can¡¯t make myself want for anything else.

    I¡¯ve learned to stand it more and more,

    My acceptance deepens and deepens,

    It¡¯s a whole hell that¡¯s just me,

    Reflections of reflections of my reflections,

    I¡¯ll never find you in the sea of me,

    I want to end all of myself.

    I¡¯m a void of me without you,

    A monster of me without you,

    The worst of me without you,

    An inferno of me without you,

    A liar of me without you,

    I¡¯m barely me without you,

    You¡¯re still the starlight in my sky,

    I¡¯ll scream your name into the furthest reaches of my darkness,

    And survive by dreaming of that paradise,

    Even though it¡¯ll never be meant for me.

    ~~~

    As she finished singing, there was a deathly silence in the air. The lighting returned to normal, the microphone and the instruments vanished. I could see Lilly¡¯s face staring expectantly at me. Pleading. My heart was aching. I wanted to break down and cry. I¡¯m so sorry, Lilly¡­ I¡¯m so sorry¡­ But, eventually, I mustered the strength to look up at her. She had disparaged me earlier for apologising, but it was all I could do.

    ¡°I¡¯m¡­ So sorry I did this to you, Lilly. I¡¯m so sorry¡­ So sorry I hurt you¡­ Ever, ever so sorry¡­¡±

    ¡°You didn¡¯t do this to me. I was already like this. I am a free agent. I did all of this of my own free will. I love you because of my own free will. By my own will, I allowed your persistent rejections to shatter me to pieces. The word ¡®hurt¡¯ is a gross understatement, Ayano. After seeing me attack Priscilla, go totally loopy, destroy a nation, brutally kill its president¡­ A song isn¡¯t going to prevent you from rejecting me again, is it?¡±

    ¡°The song made it sound like you¡¯re trying to move on, but you''re clearly not. I know it¡¯s not going to be easy to move on from me overnight, but¡­ You need to stop this madness and start properly healing. You can still make amends. You¡¯re right. A song isn¡¯t going to convince me that us being together is a good idea. But you need to abide by its words. You already know what you need to do.¡±

    ¡°Pfft. It¡¯s just a song. A song about how I miss you. Yet you¡¯re right here, in front of me. Why would I obey its lyrics when you¡¯re standing right there, alive and capable of making your own choices, and I want you? Why would I EVER obey my own word?¡±

    For as ephemeral as the feelings of a heart may be, it seemed that she was always set of being with me. On making me hers. I so desperately wanted to be able to heal her misery, but it wasn¡¯t my role to do so. I couldn¡¯t help her merely by acquiescing to her wishes. The core of the issue needed to be addressed.

    ¡°Listen Lilly¡­ Happiness¡­ won¡¯t be found from anywhere besides yourself. Neither me nor anybody else can complete you. Only you-¡±

    ¡°THAT¡¯S WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG! EVERYONE IS WRONG! EVERYONE IS BLIND!¡±

    As she screeched out those words, many of the crewmen covered their ears to block out the shrill piercing sound of her voice, echoed by thousands of mouths that opened up across the mass of her body. I was shaken by her outburst too, muscles aching as I did everything I could to remain still and appear confident.

    ¡°Don¡¯t you get it!? EVERYONE in this world does things for the sake of achieving desires that are external to themselves! Goals, aspirations, hobbies, ideals, work, family, love- Everyone pursues these things to distract themselves from their own inadequacies, to validate themselves via achievement and affirmation from others! I¡¯m lonely, Ayano! I can¡¯t fix that unless I have friends! Unless I have love! Unless I have YOU!¡±

    She stood up, looking at me fiercely, the wind blowing away a waterfall of tears as she clutched her heart firmly with her hand.

    ¡°Art only exists to enjoy it with you! Food only exists to serve it to you! Enemies only exist so that I can fight them for you! Clothes only exist so that I can look pretty for you! Money only exists so that I can spend it on you! This world¡­ This FUCKING world only exists so that I can meet you! And if this world is getting in the way of us being together, then I have no more use for it! I thought¡­ That you might understand my pain from my song¡­ Yet you hear it, and you don¡¯t believe it. You just keep repeating the same things as everyone else, over and over. It¡¯s funny¡­ I claimed to be accepting things but¡­ I can¡¯t accept any of it¡­ I can¡¯t accept living like this! And I¡¯m not the only one! Everyone is suffering because their desires are being denied! I can¡­ I can change that, Ayano! I can grant everyone their desires! Yours, mine, everyone on this planet! I¡¯ve finally confirmed that nothing I can do in this reality will bring you back to me¡­ So the world itself needs to change! I knew it was going to have to come to this¡­ I knew I would have to evolve from a monster into this world''s saviour! And now I¡¯m ready to accept that¡­ I¡­ I¡¯ll¡­ Become the light I was always destined to be!¡±

    The boat began to shake. The incomprehensible dark mass began to writhe. There was a faint humming sound in the air, and it looked and felt as though everything was distorting. Colours bleeding into each other, the barriers between objects and people blurring. My nausea gave way to a sudden feeling of elation¡­ But it wasn¡¯t because I was actually feeling elation myself. It felt like a foreign feeling entering my body and mind, penetrating me to my core.

    A hum to the same melody of Lilly¡¯s song began to ring out as the Monstra mass suddenly seemed to begin glowing golden. It unfurled from the boat, letting me see the sea and the sky around us, letting me see how it reached up into the atmosphere, taller than the clouds. Gigantic eyes began to open along its surface, more beautiful than anything I had ever seen. Brilliant white wings. Beams of light wrapped around into rings.

    ¡°GO! CAST THE RITUAL! DO IT NOW!¡± I screamed, I had no idea what was happening, I couldn¡¯t make heads nor tails of what was happening before me.

    The ritual had been prepared in advance, it could be launched in an instant at my word. And Somebody must have heard my command over the din, for I saw the black sphere launch towards the golden mass.

    A golden mass that had now taken the form of a country sized, gold skinned, naked Lilly, standing upright on the edge of Grisia. Everything went silent for a brief moment as the sphere exploded, leaving a hole in Lilly¡¯s chest. But even as she was torn asunder, it barely felt like it did a dent in her massive form. Oh no. My estimation had been way off. She was much, much larger than a country now. She was the size of a continent, and she was growing. I felt her soft laughter ringing inside my ear, as though her regular sized form was standing right there next to me. I clutched my ears. Tried to block it out. The fear and confusion must have finally been showing in my face. Her enormous form slowly bent down, she took up my entire vision as she lowered herself to be face to face with me, her eyes looking like they could swallow me whole.

    ¡°You¡¯ve left a literal hole in my heart now, Ayano¡­ But, how funny is it that the metaphorical hole still feels more painful? But it¡¯s okay. I forgive you. Everything is going to be okay.¡±

    I felt a sudden golden strand of energy suddenly stroke my cheek. It felt just like her touch. Just as I remembered it.

    ¡°Ahh, I feel much better this way¡­ I probably should have done this from the start, instead of venting my anger on a nation, when I already knew that it would probably end up this way anyway¡­ But this feeling¡­ Becoming gold, this is much better than I could have imagined, so I suppose I can¡¯t blame myself. All it took was a shift in my thinking. As a Monstra, I only ever thought about consuming, so I corrupted the mana around me¡­ But now, I only want to eliminate the suffering in the world¡­ And because of that, I can now purify the mana in the air. Very soon, this entire world will be purified, and I will turn Terrestia into a serene, perfect dream¡­ It will be a pure world of consciousness, everyone connected yet still individual, with no physical limitations getting in the way of anybody¡¯s happiness¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡­ Doesn¡¯t make any sense¡­ I don¡¯t want to just¡­ Dream¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not going to force you to join me, Ayano. In fact, I¡¯m giving everyone the choice¡­ To come with me and be happy, or to stay in a world that is soon to die. There¡¯s nothing¡­ Nothing anybody can do to save it. Now¡­ Ayano¡­ I will offer you the same choice¡­ There¡¯s nothing¡­ Absolutely nothing¡­ Getting in your way now. All your dreams can be yours¡­ We could dream together¡­ Or you could dream about something else¡­ The only difference it¡¯ll make to me is¡­ Whether or not my dreams of you are real, validated, and lucid, or false and vague. I know what choice I want you to make¡­ But it¡¯s only valuable if you make it for yourself. No matter the case¡­ This¡­ This is the only bearable choice I can make¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡­ Don¡¯t¡­ Know¡­ Lilly¡­ I just¡­¡±

    ¡°Join me. And we¡¯ll figure it out together,¡± She whispered, oh so sensually, oh so invitingly¡­

    It seemed I had finally lost. I had always won the emotional battles, even the physical ones, but if she wasn¡¯t willing to listen to me, there was nothing I could do against her Monstra form. If she had been pushed this far over the edge, then what more point was there in resisting? She had seen through me and all of my masks. She had seen my true feelings, battled them, and had decided to trample all over them. Thinking was now worthless. What more could I do against someone who only thought about herself?

    But that wasn¡¯t really it.

    The thought of not having to try anymore¡­ Yeah. That was the real reason her offer was so enticing. It was oblivion either way, so why not be happy? I didn¡¯t exactly know where she was planning to take me all of a sudden, her explanation seemed so unreal and outlandish¡­ But her newfound heavenly aura spoke to my instincts. It told me¡­ That it wouldn¡¯t be a place of suffering. No violence, disease, war, famine, hatred, sadness. No difficult choices to make.

    It was a world I could never accept. A place devoid of what made me human.

    ¡°... I¡¯ll join you¡­ I¡¯m yours¡­¡±

    However, in that moment of weakness, I said yes regardless. If she knew what I really wanted, she still wouldn¡¯t do this. But I had given verbal consent, even if I still didn¡¯t really want it. But she would trust my word over anything else. Because right now she didn¡¯t really care to read between the lines. She only wanted to push my buttons to get me to say the things she wanted to hear.

    So, with a heavy heart, I could do nothing but let her mouth swallow me whole, as I was torn away from this reality and forced to leave it behind.

 Chapter 22- Ayano

    I awoke, alone and naked, in a large bed that I didn¡¯t recognise. But it was strangely comforting. Sunlight was streaming in through the windows of a room I didn¡¯t recognise. Flowers hung from the walls and ceiling of all different varieties, but lilies were predominant among them. They filled the room with a calming scent. Fresh and new yet nostalgic and familiar. Light reflected off of the myriad colours, filling the room with a colour and vibrancy I had never really experienced before. It was almost as though my eyes hadn¡¯t been working properly until this day. It wasn¡¯t overwhelming. It was exciting, yet comforting.

    The floor was covered in the same red carpet that was on the floor of my room back in the manor. Even the crumbs were still in the same places relative to the bed, even though the room was a fair bit smaller than my bedroom. It should have been disorientating to see disparate elements brought together like this but it strangely made sense. Opposite the bed was what appeared to be some sort of screen. Similar to a theatre screen but much smaller. Still, its width was probably about the length of my arm span. If the device did indeed play movies, then the bed was perfectly positioned for laying in it and watching them. On my wooden bedside table, which looked charmingly hand made, sat some weird small black rectangle thing with buttons on it, made from a material I didn¡¯t quite recognise. Plastic, I think? It was starting to be used in Zeerian manufacturing, but I hadn¡¯t actually seen the material much in person before. It sort of looked strange to see something so artificial looking in a room that otherwise seemed so cosy and natural.

    Oh, right. Zeer. It was gone now, and I couldn¡¯t help but feel that I shouldered the blame. Except¡­ I guess I didn¡¯t care that much, for some reason. I was just in too good of a mood. Weirdly good. My head felt clear and refreshed. In fact I don¡¯t think I had ever felt so lucid in my entire life. Whatever sort of sleep I had been experiencing, it had been the best sleep of my life.

    I sat up, stretched, and got up out of bed, looking back at it. White, clean sheets, pink duvet and pillows. On the walls, above the bedside tables on each side of the bed, were two names. ¡®Ayano¡¯ on the side I had just woken up from. ¡®Lilly¡¯ on the other side. A pink heart constructed out of dried pink lilies hung above the middle of the bed on the wall. It was so romantic. So sweet.

    Hanging on a peg on the wall nearby was what appeared to be a sort of nightie. Violet and somewhat see through. I remembered it. It was what she had picked out for me that first night we made love, even though I hadn¡¯t actually put it on for her back then. But I didn¡¯t put it on just yet, because next to it was a full length mirror. I saw my nude form in the mirror. I was the most perfect version of myself. Hairless, flawless skin, hair smooth and shining. I somehow felt more youthful. And then I noticed it. A difference so huge that I was surprised it wasn¡¯t the first thing I realised when I woke up. But it felt so natural. So obvious and correct.

    I had a vagina. The penis was gone.

    I instinctively reached my hand down to touch it. Just the light stimulation from my fingers felt amazing. It felt correct. Tears were already forming on my face. I had it. I actually had it. My ideal body. It was mine. For the first time in my entire life, I didn¡¯t feel like a fraud.

    I must have stood there just looking at myself, lightly petting my pussy, exploring it and getting used to it, for so long. But eventually I began to hear something. Sizzling, enticing sizzling. Then I smelled it. Bacon. Egg. Garlic. Onion. My stomach rumbled as it craved breakfast.

    I reluctantly tore myself away from the mirror and put on the nightie. I walked across the room to the door. It was made of light wood, the grains natural looking and beautiful. I placed my hand on the handle. Smooth and nice to the touch. The simple, mundane, tactical sensation of opening a door had never felt so good before, and it had never felt so meaningful. I entered a corridor. Opposite the room I had been in was an open door leading into a lovely looking bathroom that I didn¡¯t want to take too long to examine, lest breakfast get cold. A short corridor lead to a flight of stairs going down. On the walls were pictures of me and Lilly and Hugo and Priscillia and Lizzy and Beth. But mostly me and Lilly. They were pictures of our time together that couldn¡¯t possibly have been taken at the time by a camera. They were memories. But they looked real and tangible, they looked just as I remembered them. Pictures of the manor. Pictures of me and Lilly¡¯s most meaningful meetings. As I walked through the corridor I noticed a lot of empty picture frames.

    ¡®Memories yet to be made¡¯, were the words written inside each of them. I ran my hands across the wall as I passed. I looked forward to making them.

    The stairs creaked as I walked down them, but it wasn¡¯t an annoying sound. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I found myself in a kitchen, which seemed to comprise the entirety of the ground floor. Lilly was wearing a yellow summer dress and a pink apron, her hair was tied up and in a cast iron pan she was frying the food I had smelled over an open flame. Toast was already sitting on the table. I think the bread was freshly made.

    We didn¡¯t say anything to each other as I went to take a seat at the table, positioning myself so that I could watch her work. She was so beautiful. Has she always been this gorgeous? She had always been pretty, but¡­ *This* pretty? It wasn¡¯t that anything about her body had changed. Same proportions, same face. But she had a different aura about her now.

    ¡°It smells amazing,¡± I eventually said, breaking the silence.

    ¡°I¡¯m glad.¡±

    She turned around. And I saw her eyes for the first time since arriving here. Devoid of that purple greed, her bright green eyes became the most beautiful thing I had ever witnessed. Words failed to describe them adequately. Soulful. Perfect. I was gazing into the eyes of love itself. Its personification. Its goddess. And they were fixed fully on me. My heart fluttered. It actually fluttered for the first time in years. Light feelings within my stomach, rising up, making me feel like I was floating.

    Words failed me as she served breakfast onto each of our plates, leaning over to season each of our meals with salt and pepper. I took a bite. Very good. Crispy bacon. Runny egg yolk. Crunchy onion. And the freshly made, toasted bread was completely out of this world. Yolk and butter dribbled down my chin as I indulged in something so simple yet so delicious. It was beautiful.

    Lilly poured a cup of tea out of an iron teapot. I swallowed my mouthful of food and had a sip. Hot and flavoursome. I think it was a green tea mixed with cherry blossoms. A Jishian spin to this otherwise very Selician meal.

    I looked down at my plate. So much food. I was still hungry. I was going to finish it no matter what. But I couldn¡¯t take another bite right now. My brain would turn to mush. I needed to speak to her. I slowly tilted my head upwards and maintained eye contact as I spoke.

    ¡°This is the most real and unreal thing I have ever experienced.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s very real, my love.¡±

    ¡°What¡­ Did you do?¡±

    She smiled. It looked a little sad, perhaps a little guilty, but it was a smile nonetheless. She took a sip of her tea before replying.

    ¡°I may have said this before bringing you here, but I¡¯ll reiterate¡­Mana is the blueprint of reality. I thought my power was just to corrupt it, but¡­ I have the power to do whatever I want with it. It¡¯s just a matter of my own perspective and mentality. So I decided to be an angel instead of a demon. I was just able to spread that angelic power out and out and¡­ Now¡­ We¡¯re in a new world of my making.¡±

    ¡°I see. And the old world?¡±

    ¡°Golden goo. All of it. We¡¯re¡­ Technically still in the old world. You might call this a simulation, but¡­ That¡¯s not exactly what¡¯s happening. I don¡¯t even fully get it myself. But. Whatever it is, I can promise you that all of this is real. This food is real. You¡¯re real. Your body is real. Your feelings are real. Your memories are real. I¡¯m real. Everything here is a constructed reality, but a real one nonetheless, made of the same stuff as the old world. That is to say, mana. It¡¯s just¡­ More malleable. I¡¯m going to use this mana to propel the planet of Terrestia through space. Consume asteroids, planets, stars. Other life forms. Billions of years from now the entire universe will be nothing but golden goo. Pure mana. Every life form connected, sharing a perfect, frictionless reality, a shared dream. I¡¯ll connect all of the most intelligent minds, get them to work together to figure out how to surpass the laws of reality. The big crunch, the heat death of the universe, whatever you want to call it. I¡¯ll put an end to the end. Together, we¡¯ll create a universe free from entropy. Eternal happiness for all.¡±

    ¡°... So you can change things however you want?¡±

    ¡°Yeah.¡±

    ¡°So¡­ This happiness right now¡­ These fluttering feelings, this¡­ Love¡­ This appreciation for your beauty, your cooking, the way you made this home, for everything about you, this adoration for you, it¡¯s¡­ Mine? Or did you make me this way?¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t change how you feel Ayano. I control mana, not souls and spirits. And as for the way your body affects you¡­ It¡¯s true, I can alter it. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve seen your new genitalia. And since there¡¯s no practical use for pain in this world, I decided to get rid of that, too. It¡¯s only felt by the masochists who want it. But other than that I see no need to alter your body further, nor your brain chemistry when this environment will already supply you with all the joy you could ever want. You¡¯ll supply your own happiness naturally, so I see no need to interfere with that. So¡­ Yes, your feelings are your own. And¡­¡± She took a deep sigh, taking another sip of tea, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t change your feelings even if you wanted me to. There¡¯s a um¡­ Whole reality outside of this cottage. Everyone is out there, living their dreams. I tapped into their subconscious and built a reality for each and every individual that would suit their desires. Including this cottage. This building is as much your dream as it is mine. And¡­ You can go visit each other¡¯s dreams. It all exists in the same physical space, a completely coherent world, even if it does allow for places where environments seem to spread out infinitely. Everyone can choose to be an island or a part of a community, and no decision is irreversible.¡±

    I took another bite of my food. Chewing it. Loving it. It didn¡¯t just taste real, it tasted hyper real. Not better, per say, although it was some of the best food I had ever eaten, even if it wasn¡¯t fancy. But it was more vivid. As though my senses had been heightened. I swallowed. I took a sip of tea. It was all quite a lot to take in, but somehow, I didn¡¯t find my mind racing. I just nodded along. I had questions, but perhaps the full implications hadn¡¯t quite sunk in yet.

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    ¡°If you can¡¯t control people¡­ Surely many people will be unhappy with their circumstances? Some people will miss the old world?¡±

    ¡°... Some people woke up and they liked their lives enough, or their sense of reality was so important to them that they don¡¯t even realise that reality has been reshaped. They¡¯re living their lives as they were, none the wiser. Others are struggling a lot right now¡­ In the um, well, in the sense that they crave struggle and challenge. I have people trying to survive in extreme environmental conditions. Martial artists and chess masters challenge opponents who outmatch them and stir a competitive spirit within them that could never be found in the old world. Just¡­ Ayano, it just works, basically.¡±

    It just works. Hmm. Looking around, so far I had to agree. But there was a nagging feeling in my chest. A sensation that was soon forgotten as I found myself taking another bite of Lilly¡¯s breakfast. There was nothing but a calm silence between us as we ate our breakfasts. It wasn¡¯t awkward. If what Lilly was saying was true, then¡­ Then we had an eternity together. There would be time to talk as much as we wanted. These wonderful, quiet moments weren¡¯t wasting any time at all.

    ¡°... I still¡­ Find it difficult to believe that¡­ You¡¯re the same person who killed Hiljosky in cold blood. Who was acting so manically prior to doing all this.¡±

    ¡°... I didn¡¯t enjoy acting that way. I didn¡¯t really think it was a moral way to behave, or that it would win you over. I was just hurt, and lashing out. And I did those things before deciding upon this, because¡­ Well, a small part of me wanted to believe that this wouldn¡¯t have been necessary. But I needn¡¯t have worried. I should have just done this in the first place. But I guess I just needed to prove to myself that¡­ That this was the only option.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m still upset that you haven¡¯t been able to move on, Lilly. What you¡¯ve done is reality reshaping. It¡¯s cynical, it¡¯s insane, it¡¯s¡­¡±

    ¡°Wonderful, isn¡¯t it?¡±

    ¡°... Yeah. From the moment I woke up, I¡¯ve just felt¡­ Amazing¡­ And¡­ You gave me a vagina too and¡­¡±

    ¡°The spirit can¡¯t reach you in here, either. My golden body is too thick with mana, too powerful. You¡¯ll be immortal here, and it can¡¯t take your life force either. No more monthly pains.¡±

    ¡°... Well, if you gave me a womb, then¡­ Maybe I¡¯ll start having a different kind of monthly pain¡­¡±

    ¡°Ahh. Yeah, those aren¡¯t pretty. Gloria never took care of my periods, you know? She just left me to bleed out all over my cage. Not great when I also bled Monstra blood. It led to more problems than a standard period.¡±

    ¡°Sounds awful¡­¡±

    ¡°It was. But hey. That will all be a distant memory soon enough¡­ This is the first day on our journey into eternity, after all. Soon there will be an infinite expanse between the old world and this one. One day we¡¯ll both forget how we even got here¡­ Oh, but silly me, I was rambling. Regarding your monthly pains¡­ I can make sure they don¡¯t happen, or you can keep them. That¡¯s the option I¡¯m offering all women. Similar sort of deal for men deciding what they want to do about their baldness or whatever. In this world, the body is meant to spark joy, not serve as a limitation.¡±

    ¡°... I think I¡¯d like to let them happen. Experience real womanhood. And¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes?¡±

    ¡°Can we have children in this world?¡±

    ¡°Of course!¡±

    ¡°... Can I be¡­¡±

    ¡°Of course you can be the mother! In fact, I suggest we take turns. We can produce as many children as we like, and they¡¯ll all grow up to be their own unique individuals, and they can choose to either stay with us or they could go wherever they like! Live their own dreams!¡±

    Tears were running down my face. This world, it¡­ It was so wrong, but it also felt so right¡­

    ¡°... How will we remain entertained for an eternity? Sex?¡±

    ¡°Yes, but there will be a whole lot more. So many things to do that sex will feel like an afterthought. We can visit all our old friends and many new people besides, and¡­ Well, how about I just show you?¡±

    ¡°... Sure. But today, I¡¯d like it to just be us¡­ Oh¡­ But does this world even have a concept of time?¡±

    ¡°Of course! I made sure that there¡¯s a day and a night. I love the sun and the moon, after all. And yes, I¡¯m happy for it to just be us today. Shall we get going?¡±

    ¡°Sure, but, breakfast, and I need to get changed¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯ll still be hot when you get back. And nobody will come into the fields around our cottage without our permission. We can frolic around as naked or as clothed as we like!¡±

    ¡°A-Are you sure, it still feels a bit weird for a Princess to-¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re not a Princess anymore. Or a Queen. You¡¯re just¡­ Ayano. My darling Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ O-Okay¡­¡±

    And so Lilly took my hand, warmth spreading through my body just from this simple touch, as she led me outside. As far as the eye could see, fields spread out all around us. Grains and grass and flowers and trees and crops, berry bushes and vines. All the beauty and bounty nature could ever offer us was right on our doorstep.

    ¡°These fields are infinite. We can wander them every day, pick a direction and find somewhere new¡­ Walk for months or years or millenia, doing nothing but camping out under the stars, before we ever return to our cottage. Yet, just behind our cottage¡­¡±

    She led me by the hand around back, leading me to an archway. It just seemed to be an archway from the direction we approached it, but when we peered around the other side¡­ Magically, the other direction seemed to lead into a city, bustling with life.

    ¡°Is Selicia! Perfectly recreated. We can head through this archway at any time to visit Selicia, perfectly recreated exactly as it was¡­ The rest of Terrestia is there, too! Except it¡¯s even larger and more expansive! And there are so many other worlds to visit! More infinite pocket worlds like this one, more coherent plants! We can explore space! Once I¡¯ve expanded enough, I¡¯m hoping we can visit my home planet, Earth, where I came from before I wound up in my Monstra body here in Terrestia¡­ Although Earth is pretty shitty, so I¡¯d rather not decide to go there on a whim, to be honest. Actually, I hope we don¡¯t find it for a long time¡­¡±

    ¡°How is Selicia doing without me?¡±

    ¡°Remember, Ayano, it¡¯s a different Selicia. It doesn¡¯t need nobles or a royal family! They¡¯re all still there, of course, but they¡¯re just regular people now. There¡¯s no such thing as resource scarcity, so people are completely free to live their lives as they wish. There¡¯s no sickness, either, so you can go visit your mother whenever you want. She¡¯ll be in good spirits now that she isn¡¯t ill and is living the life she wants! And, I¡¯ll make it very clear- Selicia is different, but the people aren¡¯t. The environment is different, but the people are all still real. A perfect environment is all somebody needs to live a perfect life. That¡¯s my belief.¡±

    ¡°... I don¡¯t entirely know if that¡¯s true, Lilly. This is a lot to take in¡­¡±

    ¡°Well¡­ We¡¯ll have plenty of time to see which of us is correct, right? Oh oh! Come on, there¡¯s something I¡¯ve always wanted to do with you! Over here!¡±

    Walking through the field, enjoying the dirt beneath my bare feet, Lilly led me over to another archway. And inside¡­ Was a giant tropical resort. A waterpark, populated with tourists.

    ¡°We broke up in the winter, so I really wanted our reunion to have a summery feel to it! People from all across the world come here! Come on come on come on, let¡¯s play! I modelled it after some water parks they had back on Earth!¡±

    ¡°O-Okay Lilly, but-¡±

    But once more I was dragged inside before I had a chance to say much of anything. Dragged from the fields to this new space, I found that the sun was now beating down on me. I turned to my left to see the beach, the sea just behind it, people having fun and playing. In front of me was a water park, complete with swimming pools, little straw huts serving cocktails, water slides, flumes, wave machines and water rapids. It was a heaven of splashy fun. I¡¯d never seen anything like it before.

    ¡°So? Look entertaining enough for you? Wanna play for a bit?¡±

    ¡°... Did you create this place just as a ploy to put me in a swimsuit?¡±

    ¡°Sure, but don¡¯t deny that you¡¯ve always wanted to see me in a swimsuit!¡± Lilly joked, sticking out her tongue playfully, ¡°But you never did give into your lusts and take me to the beach, did you?¡±

    ¡°A beach outing would have taken too much time¡­ I mean, it was pretty irresponsible for me to take you to Belfort that one time¡­¡±

    ¡°But it was fun, wasn¡¯t it? And now we can have all the fun we want. Come on, let''s get changed!¡±

    And before I knew it, I was dragged into hours of fun.

    ~~~

    The sun was setting by the time we had finally had enough. I had to admit, I had been sceptical at first, but it was a lot of fun to play in the water. We tried out every attraction, and now we were on the beach. Lilly had decided to wear a tasteful two-piece white bikini with a skirt, whereas I had chosen a red bikini. Lilly teased and said it looked sexy, but I only liked it because it looked nice and because it matched my eyes. Plus it was far from the skimpiest option available, if sexy was what I was going for..

    Lilly was applying suntan lotion to my back as I laid down on a towel. It was nice, the way she massaged me. I can¡¯t believe I had never asked for a massage from her back at the manor. She was an expert in rubbing that cream into my skin¡­ I didn¡¯t even mind that she was paying extra special attention to my ¡®assets¡¯, slipping underneath the bikini to touch and squeeze as much as she wanted.

    ¡°... Lilly, I¡­¡±

    ¡°Yeeeesss, Ayano?¡±

    ¡°I had a wonderful day today.¡±

    ¡°I know you did. Every day will be like this from now on¡­ Actually, even better.¡±

    ¡°I was sceptical at first, but¡­ You¡¯ve actually done something¡­ Unimaginable¡­ Something wonderful¡­¡±

    ¡°Hey. Ayano. Time for me to massage your front¡­¡±

    <3 <3 <3

    I did as she asked, watching as she looked down at me with those loving, salacious eyes of hers. I melted under her gaze. I barely even noticed as she untied my bikini and began massaging my breasts, squeezing and kneading them so lovingly, as though it were just another part of the massage. Warm pleasure spread throughout my body. Something beyond sexual stimulation. It was like she was touching my soul.

    ¡°... You¡¯re feeling it, aren¡¯t you Ayano?¡±

    ¡°... Yes¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s how I always felt¡­ When we were together¡­ Did you feel it back then?¡±

    ¡°Not like this¡­¡±

    ¡°I couldn¡¯t¡­ I couldn¡¯t live without this feeling. This feeling only you can give me.¡±

    ¡°... I don¡¯t think¡­ I don¡¯t think I can live without this now, either¡­ I didn¡¯t think¡­ That sex could feel this good¡­¡±

    ¡°The sex hasn¡¯t even begun yet. This feeling¡­ It¡¯s just connection. It¡¯s love.¡±

    She traced her fingers down my stomach and down between my legs, her fingers sliding inside my pussy. My brand new, perfect, tight pussy. God. It felt so good to have something inside me there¡­ And even though it was brand new to both of us, completely unexplored territory, Lilly knew exactly where to touch in the depths of my love tunnel.

    ¡°I love the way you touch me down there¡­ Oh my god¡­ Keep¡­ Keep going Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m glad you like it, my love¡­¡±

    ¡°And¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes?¡±

    ¡°... I love the way you look at me. From now on, when¡­ When we¡¯re alone together¡­ Never¡­ Never take your eyes off of me¡­¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want to anyway.¡±

    ¡°F-Fuck¡­ I¡¯m so happy¡­ I-I¡¯m glad¡­ I just¡­ God, Lilly, what have you done to me¡­¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re doing this to yourself.¡±

    ¡°L-Liar¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s the truth¡­¡±

    ¡°It can¡¯t be¡­¡±

    ¡°We could have had this in the old world.¡±

    ¡°... I¡­ Don¡¯t think we could have done, so¡­¡±

    ¡°So?¡±

    ¡°So I¡¯m glad¡­ We¡¯re in this world instead¡­ I¡¯m so sorry I doubted you¡­¡±

    ¡°Doubting was only natural, Ayano. Don¡¯t worry about it too much.¡±

    ¡°Oh Lilly¡­¡±

    I watched as Lilly angled our hips so that our pussies could meet. She raised my leg into the air caressing and kissing my thighs as she began to grind our hips together as our lower lips began to sloppily, lewdly kiss. Electricity and fire shot through my body, a passion so intense that I thought I might split apart, as though I were merely a cocoon and there was a fiery butterfly waiting to emerge. But it never did, the pleasure just kept building and building, burning hotter and hotter, becoming ever more incredible as we thrusted and twisted our hips together, both of us becoming a writhing, uncontrolled mass of ecstasy.

    ¡°I-I love you Lilly!¡±

    ¡°I love you Ayano!¡±

    My vision turned gold as I reached climax.

    We were finally living our happily ever after.

 Chapter 23- Ayano?

    I woke up to the feeling of Lilly licking my pussy. How many days had it been? Five? Six? A week? Maybe it had been thousands of years? I had no way of knowing.

    We were laying in the bed of our cottage. Something on the screen that Lilly had referred to as a ¡®television¡¯ was playing. It was a horror film set in a mine in space, starring some sort of humanoid creature that I think were called ¡®robots¡¯ or ¡®androids¡¯. I was captivated by it. I was amazed by how unnerving the film was even when nothing scary was happening. Even when the other androids came to life like zombies and started attacking the protagonist¡­ I was more chilled than frightened. It was a film that twisted me at the very core of my being.

    I loved it.

    I had seen it before¡­ Once or twice, or perhaps hundreds of times. As my memories returned I realised I knew the plot in and out. Lilly had told us that we would have an infinite amount of art to consume, as artists across the world had all the time in the world to create as much art as we wanted. We would never consume it faster than it could be produced, and there would always be more produced. Despite our plethora of choices, however, I came back to this movie a lot. I loved the tragic ending.

    Lilly had also told me about ¡®games¡¯ from this place called ¡®Earth¡¯. She described them as movies that you could interact with, usually by directly controlling the protagonist. I thought that was wild. It sounded so fun. I¡¯d love it if this movie was a game.

    But that didn¡¯t matter right now. Because today was Lilly¡¯s birthday, her first one since we had arrived in this world¡­ I think. Well, regardless, I wanted to give her a present. I had visited Selicia by myself specifically to have this hand made for her. Of course, she always wanted to be with me, but¡­ We were always fine with being apart from each other for days or weeks at a time if we had plans with other people or just needed the space. I¡¯d visited everyone from the manor. Hugo, Priscilla, Beth, Lizzy. They were all doing fantastic. Hugo was a world class chef, Lizzy had an infinite garden all to herself, Beth was in a romantic relationship and so was Priscilla! Despite what Priscilla had tried to do to me, it was all water under the bridge now. In this world, she had no reason to kill me, and there was no reason not to forgive her. People couldn¡¯t hurt each other in this world, after all, even if they wanted to. Lilly wouldn¡¯t allow it.

    Well, that wasn¡¯t entirely true. She allowed people to fight if they wanted to, but it was expressly for the purposes of civil and fun competition.

    I looked down at Lilly, gorgeous and naked between my legs. Just as she had promised, she was looking up at me. We¡¯d both quickly realised that she couldn¡¯t look at me at *all* times¡­ Especially since she wouldn¡¯t be able to watch movies or cook if that was the case. But she had seen this film enough times that I guessed she was preferring to look at my sleeping face as she licked me.

    ¡°Good morning Ayano¡­¡± She muttered, clearly a bit sleepy herself as she rubbed her eyes.

    ¡°Good morning, Lilly. And happy birthday to you! I have something special for you. Why don¡¯t you head downstairs and prepare breakfast, and I¡¯ll surprise you!¡±

    ¡°Okay!¡± She excitedly exclaimed, jumping out of bed and running down the stairs.

    I slowly climbed out of bed myself, feeling refreshed as always, still tingling from the pleasure Lilly had been gifting me. I reached under the bed and opened my lockbox. Lilly knew where it was, but she agreed that whatever I put in there was private, so she never peeked. So she was still going to be totally surprised by what I was about to give her!

    I put on my dressing gown and left the room. The corridor had changed in the time we spent here. The path to the stairs was still pretty short, but now, behind us, the corridor continued infinitely, a pathway to nowhere. This was to account for all the memory photos hanging on the walls. And now there were a lot more of them. Camping trips under the stars, frolicing in the fields, a reunion at the old manor, the times we decided to visit Granny Belfort and eat her delicious cakes, the times we visited the theatre, pictures of us laying in bed asleep, memories of each and every movie we watched, and, of course, many pictures of our very first day together in this world, including us having sex on the beach. Just touching the pictures, it was like I was re-experiencing the feelings I had had at those times all over again. Most mornings I liked to linger in this hallway¡­ Not because I was nostalgic for the past, but rather, because I loved to appreciate my new, eternal present. Everything felt so recent, like it had happened yesterday. The order of events was jumbled in my head, but that didn¡¯t matter. It didn¡¯t need to matter. A continuity of memory was something only for people who needed to plan for the future, worry, stress, narrativise and contextualise. I didn¡¯t need to do those complicated things anymore.

    I headed downstairs. Lilly was frying up some garlic fried rice. A fragrant and simple morning breakfast. I came up behind her and put my hand over her eyes.

    ¡°A-Ayano¡­ I¡¯m trying to cook¡­¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, this will only take a moment.¡±

    This was when I wrapped my present around her neck¡­ A leather collar of the highest quality, expertly made. It looked like a pet collar, but it was clearly designed by a human. The words ¡®Name: Lilly, Owner: Ayano¡¯ were written on it.

    ¡°What was that?¡±

    ¡°Go take a look in the mirror.¡±

    We had a kitchen mirror, which Lilly turned to and looked at. Tears began rolling down her face as she lovingly touched her new collar.

    ¡°Wear it at all times for me from now on, okay? You¡¯re my slave again now.¡±

    ¡°... Ayano I¡­ Thank you¡­ Thank you so much¡­ I¡¯m so happy!¡±

    She rushed into my arms, sobbing tears of joy as she buried her head against my chest. Tears were running down my face, too. I was so glad she was happy. I stroked her hair. I held her tightly. And¡­ When I had had my fill, I developed a new appetite.

    ¡°Bend yourself over the table.¡±

    <3 <3 <3

    I felt a shiver run down her body. I released her from my embrace, and she happily did exactly as was asked, wiggling her butt enticingly for me. I pulled down her panties, fully exposing her perfect, round ass.

    ¡°Bark for me.¡±

    ¡°Arf! Arf!¡±

    ¡°Music to my ears, Lilly¡­¡±

    I had another present, too. A vibrating dildo, which went straight into her ass. She moaned with pleasure as I slipped my fingers into her pussy, sliding them in and out, teasing her, mercilessly inflicting her with all the pleasure I could offer her.

    She mewled and whined just like a dog, her body going limp, eyes rolling into the back of her head, tongue hanging out and drooling.

    ¡°Don¡¯t pretend that you¡¯re broken already¡­ This is just a taster of so much more fun to come¡­¡±

    And so for her birthday, I fucked her from morning until night.

    ~~~

    I was sitting in the imperial palace, having tea with my mother and father. It was my first time meeting them since I had come to this world. Given my last interaction with my mother, I would have expected myself to want to see her as soon as possible. But I had just been having so much fun, and¡­ Well, I knew neither of them were going anywhere.

    Still, Lilly was out having fun with Hugo, participating in a cooking contest, so now seemed like a good time to see them.

    ¡°To think that we had gone to such lengths, just to ensure that you would be Queen¡­¡±

    ¡°I am quite embarrassed that my sacrifice ended up being in vain, now that we¡¯ve ended up here anyway,¡± Said Dad, a big, burly teddy bear of a man with a thick beard, ¡°Thankfully, since my brain had been kept intact, Lilly was able to revive me here.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right! Oh, I¡¯m ever so glad that I ordered the brain to be left until last¡­ It would have been so upsetting if you couldn¡¯t be here with me¡­¡±

    ¡°Indeed. But, let¡¯s not worry about those what ifs. The important thing is that we¡¯re here now¡­ Still, did I at least taste good for all those years?¡±

    ¡°No¡­ We tried everything. Steaks, ham, minced¡­ But at the end of the day, nothing will taste as good as your sausage.¡±

    ¡°Angelica, please! We shouldn¡¯t make those sorts of comments in front of our child!¡±

    ¡°Why not?¡± I responded with a smile, ¡°I fuck Lilly all the time. It¡¯s a natural thing for lovers to do. Nothing to be ashamed of.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m just so happy that you decided to stay with her. Life is so much better this way. Wouldn¡¯t you say dear?¡± Mother asked, looking at my Father.

    ¡°... Yes¡­¡±

    As he responded, Dad looked a little tired all of a sudden. Like his eyes were dead. But after that little lapse in lucidity, he soon sprung back to life.

    ¡°Yes¡­ Yes it is! Beats being dead, at least! I can¡¯t enjoy your company if I¡¯m dead¡­¡±

    I sipped my tea and looked out of the window, and then back to my parents. My mind was wandering a bit. Conversation between them was pretty vapid when politics no longer factored into the equation. Who were a king and queen without their crowns and thrones, after all?

    And something else felt a bit off. Seeing Dad alive, it should be incredible, especially after the horrible fate that he had willingly chosen in reality¡­ Mother, too, who should have been sick and feeble, but now looked like a healthy young woman. Yeah. Young. They both looked barely any older than I did. After what they had been through, this happiness just¡­ Didn¡¯t seem realistic? And yet, it was real.

    ¡°Are you alright, dear?¡± My mother asked.

    ¡°... Yes¡­ Sorry. Just a bit dizzy all of a sudden.¡±

    ¡°Aww, poor thing. Why not go and lie down for a bit, Ayano.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll do that,¡± I said, stumbling my way over to the guest bedroom in a daze and lying face down on the bed.

    ¡°... Where¡­ Am I?¡±

    ~~~

    Some days I woke up and Lilly was just a dog. Not a talking dog or anything, just, like, a literal dog with brown fur that matched her human hair. Wasn¡¯t sure of the breed, other than that she was small and yappy. I knew it was her, because she was wearing the collar I had gifted her. Those green eyes were also unmistakable. On days where she was a dog I just sort of¡­ Took her for walks, or just let her play to her heart''s content out in the fields whilst I did other things. I had taken to watching movies a lot, and dog days were good times to watch them without distraction. I liked horror films, or sad films. Just¡­ Anything where the characters were living in a reality that seemed cruel and difficult. I wasn¡¯t sure why. It wasn¡¯t like I could relate to their experiences anymore.

    When I would wake up the next day a different movie would be playing. Lilly would normally be cuddling me or licking me. I¡¯d sometimes ask her why she was a dog yesterday, and she¡¯d simply shrug and say that I¡¯d imagined it. She was always a human, she claimed. That was weird.

    If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    I¡¯d sometimes lay in bed for days or weeks on end, just watching through our infinite collection of films. Lilly would often bring up food to me. It tasted delicious and she was cooking new things all the time, but it wasn¡¯t exactly like I felt hungry anymore. I wasn¡¯t satiating a need, I was indulging in a sensory pleasure. I still fucked Lilly all the time, and I still enjoyed it. Since she was my slave, unless she was licking me in bed, she never actually initiated proper sex herself.

    I think a decade may have gone by like this.

    Maybe two or ten.

    ¡°Hey Lilly,¡± I asked one day, ¡°How¡¯s the, uh, universal assimilation going?¡±

    ¡°Fine. It¡¯s taking a bit longer than I expected. Why¡¯d you ask?¡±

    ¡°I think I could use different types of experiences, that¡¯s all. I think alien life might be able to produce interesting ideas.¡±

    ¡°Oh. Well, if you want new things, we can try going to an arcade.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve been there a thousand times.¡±

    ¡°Skydiving?¡±

    ¡°Two thousand times.¡±

    ¡°Huh. Um¡­ Wanna watch a new movie together?¡±

    ¡°These are all human experiences, Lilly. I want something alien.¡±

    ¡°... Oh. I getcha. Well¡­ that might take a while, so, why not try doing something genuinely difficult? Oh, didn¡¯t you like, climb a big old mountain a while ago? When you were looking for the mirror? Try doing that again. I¡¯m happy to come with you.¡±

    ¡°Hmm. I think I¡¯ll try it alone.¡±

    ¡°Suit yourself. Heading out now, then?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. See you Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Goodbye! I love you, Ayano!¡±

    I kissed her on the lips and headed out the door.

    ¡°Love you too.¡±

    ~~~

    So that¡¯s what I did. I climbed the mountain. Up and down. Multiple times. It had monsters, it was dangerous. The peak was cold. But it wasn¡¯t exactly the same. I sat naked in the now empty room in which I had discovered the mirror, wondering if I could freeze to death. It was cold as hell, but it wasn¡¯t even that unpleasant. I didn¡¯t even come close to death.

    I tried jumping off the peak of the mountain. Clearly a suicidal move in the old reality, but, after the cold, hard ground rushed to meet me, I landed on it like I had been limply dropped onto a sponge. I even let the animals attack me, I let myself be completely defenceless. They tore out my insides and snacked on me to my heart''s content. I let them eat my eyes and my brain and all my organs. But it wasn¡¯t painful. When they had their fill, they simply wandered off. I woke up god knows how long later and I was back together again, perfectly fine.

    It was like I was an instrument only of pleasure, and not of pain. I could only feel the masochistic sort of pain that just produced more pleasure, like a spank on the ass or something. I couldn¡¯t have an experience that was truly awful or harrowing.

    That was good, right?

    I wandered back to the cottage in a daze, flopping into bed.

    ¡°You¡¯ve been gone for months, Ayano. Have a fun expedition?¡±

    ¡°Yeah.¡±

    ¡°Wanna watch a film?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m gonna sleep though.¡±

    ¡°Okay, love.¡±

    ~~~

    Another few eternities passed or whatever. In the grand scheme of things, the days in which I felt numb inside were few and far between¡­ At least, for a little while they were. Most of the time, I was able to get my mind out of this numbed state and genuinely enjoy all of the indulgences of this world. Friends were always fun to visit. There was no shortage of activity. Spending time with my dog Lilly was always fun. I would often find a film that genuinely inspired and enthralled me. I enjoyed art so much that I even picked up books again. And those inspired me so much that I began writing my own. I found that creating, as opposed to just consuming, was able to help me stave off the ennui I sometimes found myself in. Writing was the only time I had to make difficult choices, because I genuinely cared about the quality of the art. The characters actually struggled with tough questions and experienced conflict. I had dreams where I was one of the protagonists in my novels fairly frequently. It was so vivid, it hurt whenever I woke up. When I awoke in this perfect reality where nothing mattered.

    Yeah. The misery began to settle in bit by bit, creeping up on me more and more often. To the point where sometimes I would just sleep for weeks at a time, finding my dreams to be more enticing than the waking world. Mostly because my dreams felt more like reality than my actual reality did.

    I woke up one day and headed downstairs for breakfast. Lilly was cooking something that smelled delicious. I didn¡¯t even recognise what ingredients she was even using anymore, her food was totally alien to me now. But it was always somehow tasting better and better, so I didn¡¯t really mind.

    ¡°Hey Lilly,¡± I asked.

    ¡°Yes, Ayano?¡±

    ¡°I want out. I¡¯m done.¡±

    ¡°... I heard they¡¯re holding a festival in town today. Looks like it¡¯s going to be super fun! Want to come with me?¡±

    ¡°... We have been to 244,168 festivals, Lilly.¡±

    Yes. I had been counting, marking them down in my diary.

    ¡°... Well, if we go that much, it must be fun!¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m tired of this reality. I want my old life back.¡±

    ¡°How about-¡±

    ¡°I miss struggling.¡±

    ¡°The water park?¡±

    ¡°I miss being human.¡±

    ¡°How about we just stay inside and fuck all day?¡±

    ¡°I miss being alive.¡±

    ¡°Arf! Arf!¡±

    ¡°I want to be Ayano again. Princess Ayano.¡±

    Lilly finally fell silent after that.

    ¡°Well¡­ I can¡¯t say that this was unexpected. C¡¯mere, Ayano.¡±

    Automatically, I did as she asked. Her arms were a home to me after all, so natural that there was nothing weird about hugging her. She dropped what she was doing and welcomed me as I got up from the table and flopped into her embrace.

    And then she jammed her finger into my ear.

    ¡°I¡¯ve been dragging my feet with assimilating more civilisations, I know¡­ I know you want something more stimulating. I¡¯m so sorry about that, my love. But it¡¯s just been really difficult. I have top scientists across Terrestia helping me to figure out how to travel through space¡­ Right now I¡¯m working on assimilating the star in our solar system. That¡¯ll help a lot in getting us a head start. But it could be millions more years before we find aliens, so¡­ I have another solution in the meantime¡­¡±

    As she wormed her way through my ear canal, I found that impossibly long finger somehow connected with my skull. I felt my body twitch and go numb. Panic was rising within me.

    ¡°W-What are you doing!?¡±

    ¡°Erasing your memories, duh. I don¡¯t really like doing this, but I¡¯ve done it before. It¡¯s pretty lame, though, I made a promise that I wouldn¡¯t mess with your brain, but¡­ So long as it¡¯s limited to memories, I can just about tolerate it. It¡¯s not like I¡¯m giving you false memories after all, so it¡¯s still you¡­ In any case, I think you¡¯ve gotten like this¡­ Twice now? This is the third cycle. Although, this time you only lasted a thousand years¡­ I do hope your cycles don¡¯t keep getting shorter and shorter. It¡¯s getting upsetting for me too y¡¯know! A few more rounds of this and I may have to reset my memories as well. I wonder¡­ If I reset my memories, would I take you back to the manor for our first time as well?¡±

    ¡°The waterpark and the beach was our first day in this w-world¡­¡±

    ¡°Oh. Right. Yeah, that would be your first memory. Whoops! That¡¯s a nasty blunder on my part¡­ But y¡¯know how easy it is to forget stuff and get things mixed up when we¡¯re living this life. Don¡¯t judge me too harshly, my love¡­ *Sigh*, I''m going to miss this collar¡­ I¡¯ll have to destroy it again. I hope the next version of you gives it to me. The first one did, but the second one gave me cookware instead! The second Ayano was a bit of a glutton. I¡¯m glad I led with eggs and bacon instead of ramen, you were a bit less obsessed with food this time¡­¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t want my memories reset¡­¡±

    ¡°Really? The other versions of you did. They were practically begging to have the ¡®spark¡¯ back. They really wanted to re-experience what our first few years together were really like. I¡¯m fine though¡­ Every day with you is special, so I don¡¯t need to reset my memories¡­ Not unless you keep doing this, of course. As I said, it¡¯s getting sad. And I don¡¯t value sad memories.¡±

    She was touching my brain directly now. It was like she was in my mind, finding those memories, those images, sounds, and sensations, hooking them with her fingernail and readying to tear them right out of my mind.

    ¡°LILLLYYYYY STOPPPPPPP!¡± I whined, struggling against her iron grip.

    I couldn¡¯t believe how I sounded. Whiny, like a child, rather than authoritative. I froze in shock. Lilly sighed and let me go, letting me fall to the kitchen floor.

    ¡°Hardly feels right to do this when you complain like that. Come on girl. The sooner we get this over and done with, the sooner you¡¯ll be happy again.¡±

    ¡°I-I¡¯m not some broken toy in need of fixing.¡±

    ¡°Oh. I thought I was the toy. I thought I was the dog. I thought I was just doing what¡¯s in the best interests of my master. Now come on, stay still¡­¡±

    She tried to crawl on top of me, but I scrambled away, crawling up the stairs, eventually getting to my feet as I reached the top. I began to sprint down the infinite corridor of memories. Lilly was steadily walking behind me. But every time I looked over my shoulder, no matter how fast I ran, Lilly was still just barely behind me, just walking.

    ¡°I don¡¯t want to be here anymore Lilly! Another thousand years from now, I¡¯ll simply end up just like this again!¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s only a temporary measure. Once we¡¯ve assimilated aliens into us, you won¡¯t get this bored ever again.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t get it! The experiences are wonderful, it¡¯s all wonderful! Too wonderful! The experiences themselves aren¡¯t the point!¡±

    ¡°... We can introduce some harrowing experiences as well. Reintroduce pain into the equation. Maybe live out some stories just like those books you wrote.¡±

    ¡°But there¡¯s no real risk, Lilly!¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s the joy of it. You¡¯ll still get to experience the risk, even though it¡¯s fake. Who in this world actually wants genuine risk? Who wants to make a decision that you¡¯ll have to live with forever?¡±

    ¡°I do! And I think everyone does! Lilly¡­ How¡­ How many times have you reset other people¡¯s memories?¡±

    ¡°... Countless times. To everyone. They all seem to appreciate it. It¡¯s a simple winding of the clock. But you¡¯re the only one right now who seems to be freaking out.¡±

    Enough was enough. I began clawing at the pictures on the wall, throwing them back at Lilly. They didn¡¯t deter her, but I kept running, and running, and running¡­ Probably for days or weeks, never getting tired. I didn¡¯t look behind me for a long time, wanting to pretend that the horror behind me wasn¡¯t there. But when I finally did, and saw that she wasn¡¯t there, I finally came to a stop.

    I was starting to see memories I didn¡¯t remember. Memories of different Ayanos, experiencing the same things I did in slightly different ways. I kept walking, and walking. It was here that I finally found pictures of memories of the real world. I cried, looking at them. And then¡­

    I found the end of the corridor. It was finite after all.

    Hanging on the wall was a picture of me, as Lawrence, curled up on the floor next to the mirror, Ayano reaching out her hand to me. I approached it slowly. I touched it.

    Suddenly, I wasn¡¯t in that corridor anymore. I was on the mountain. It felt genuinely cold, and I shivered. I felt uncomfortable. I had missed being uncomfortable. The mirror was in the middle of the room, just as I had found it originally, so long ago. I approached it. Someone appeared in it¡­ But it wasn¡¯t me that was reflected. A man, brown hair¡­ Lawrence?

    ¡°I suppose the grass wasn¡¯t greener on the other side after all, huh?¡±

    The sound of his voice- My voice- Was utterly surreal to me. Tears began streaming down my face, looking at my ancient self. The one I hated and had pushed out of my mind.

    ¡°... It¡¯s too green¡­ Her eyes¡­ They¡¯re too green, they¡¯re too-¡±

    ¡°I know. She¡¯s amazing. Honestly, I¡¯m jealous. As jealous as I can be, considering that I¡¯m a shadow of a shadow after all.¡±

    ¡°... What do you mean?¡±

    ¡°The mirror doesn¡¯t exist in your reality. Likewise, you¡¯re still in Lilly¡¯s world¡­ You¡¯ve just reached your own little pocket of it. A part that not even she has access to. You somehow lost her in the corridor. So¡­ You¡¯re safe here, at least for now. But she¡¯s out there. Looking for you. Tearing apart all of that false reality, destroying and killing whoever she must in a blind rage, just to find you. She can do that because she knows that she can just reset everything later. Undo all the damage. So long as she can find you, of course.¡±

    ¡°So why am I meeting with you?¡±

    ¡°Who knows? Maybe you just wanted to meet with me.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m sure my mind is just tormenting myself. Reminding me that I made the exact same mistake Lilly is making right now. I mean¡­ I also changed the world. Used this very mirror, so that I could live a better life as a woman.¡±

    ¡°... It¡¯s true. If you were still me, we probably could have worked through our issues together. Struggled and fought, we could have accepted our mistakes and we could have made something of ourselves. We could have even transitioned without the help of the mirror, damn to the consequences that the world threw at us. We made things better by using the mirror, sure. Julia is alive now. The first version of you even visited her, told her everything about what I did, and she forgave that version of you. Georgia did too. The current and second versions of you didn¡¯t think to do so. Subconsciously, perhaps you were afraid of having those conversations more than once.¡±

    ¡°Way to rub it in¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not here to insult you. Because, yes, staying as me would have been the braver choice. But looking for and using the mirror was its own sort of bravery. Since becoming Ayano, you¡¯ve grown a lot in your own right. You¡¯ve fought battles, against the Monstra and otherwise, that were far more brutal than anything I would have had to face. The mirror wasn¡¯t the easy way out¡­ Maybe in the short term it was, but now, clearly, there have been devastating long term consequences. Consequences you¡¯re now living through.¡±

    ¡°...¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t fall silent on me now, Ayano. I need you to be strong.¡±

    ¡°... Why do you care? You¡¯re not real. And since when were you actually interested in being introspective, trying to be supportive and offer advice? You weren¡¯t even kind to yourself.¡±

    Lawrence smiled.

    ¡°We¡¯re always a reflection of each other. If you think I¡¯ve grown, it¡¯s because you have. Now¡­ Listen to me. There are some mistakes you cannot undo. Mistakes you should not undo. This world- The old world you should be fighting for- is meaningful precisely because your mistakes are permanent. Maybe entering the mirror and becoming Ayano was a mistake. Maybe it wasn¡¯t. But what matters is that it happened. What matters is that you grew as a result of that decision. What matters is that you¡¯re here, right now. And you have a choice. You can choose to give in to this eternal hell¡­ Or you can choose to fight. Because Lilly is not beyond saving. This world is not beyond saving. You are not beyond saving.¡±

    ¡°... But I like this world, if I just¡­ If I just let Lilly erase my memories, then¡­ I could enjoy it all over again, again and again, forever¡­¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s your weakness speaking, Ayano. But the Ayano I know is not weak. The Ayano I know doesn¡¯t confide in others, even when she should. The Ayano I know runs herself ragged, working long into the hours of the night. The Ayano I know thinks she¡¯s a fraud, even though she isn¡¯t. The Ayano I know¡­ Is so kind to others that she neglects herself.  The Ayano I know is nothing like me. Nothing like Lawrence. Those traits, and more¡­ That is your real character. But that is a person you cannot be in this environment. Because the Ayano I know is allowed to not take care of herself. In this environment¡­ You have been pampered so much that you hardly resemble yourself anymore. Lilly, in her grief, has fallen into delusion. She would rather transform you into a caricature of yourself rather than admit that she can¡¯t be with the real you, in the real world.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ How¡­ Even if that¡¯s all true¡­ How do I fight against Lilly¡­ When she is so powerful and only growing in strength by the day?¡±

    ¡°Remember where you really are. You are just a part of a vast puddle of golden goo, experiencing a false reality. You and Lilly are one. The whole world is a part of Lilly. Therefore, Lilly as a consciousness is outnumbered in her own body. Her authority is an illusion. Show the people that they can stand up to her.¡±

    ¡°Even if I return¡­ I¡¯ll still just be in a mirror world, unable to become you again¡­¡±

    ¡°And why would you want to be me again?¡±

    ¡°Because¡­ You¡¯re real¡­¡±

    He shook his head.

    ¡°Reality isn¡¯t about where you are. Reality is simply a place where you have to live with your mistakes. This world isn¡¯t that. The mirror world still is. It is reality. Don¡¯t you ever forget that. And don¡¯t regret the choices you made. We¡¯re all born stupid. We¡¯re all stumbling through this world, figuring things out on the go, making mistakes¡­ It¡¯s as you said. Mistakes make you human. So embrace being a human, instead of being a part of the Monstra. Be kind to yourself. Fight for what you believe in, even if you made a mistake in hindsight. Do you think you would regret escaping this world, looking back?¡±

    ¡°No¡­ I mean¡­ Maybe, but¡­ Once I¡¯m actually out, I¡­ I think¡­ I think I would be horrified¡­ Over what I went through here¡­ But I may find myself missing it, too.¡±

    ¡°Leaving a place of comfort is always terrifying. But it¡¯s the only way to find happiness. Now. Here. I think you¡¯re ready for this.¡±

    From out of frame, Lawrence picked up a sword. My sword. A sword I hadn¡¯t seen in so long, a sword that I hadn¡¯t even realised had been totally absent in this reality. His hands reached out past the boundaries of the mirror, through the glass. And he handed it to me. I felt the warmth of his hands briefly touch mine as I took it from him. It had a heft to it. A weight to it that felt different.

    ¡°That is the real, physical sword you had with you when Lilly first swallowed this world. In the real world, your golden hands are actually holding it. The real thing. This is the first real object you have touched in a very, very long time. When Lilly assimilated the world, I made sure to protect it from her.¡±

    I unsheathed it to look at the blade. Just as sharp as ever. Its scabbard had protected it well, even in the middle of this eldritch apocalypse.

    ¡°... I¡¯m ready, Lawrence. Thank you.¡±

    ¡°You have a fire in your eyes again. Good. I¡¯m rooting for you. Now, turn around. And prepare for the fight of your life.¡±

 Chapter 24- Ayano

    I turned around, and I was back in the hallway of memories.

    ¡°There you are, Ayano. So you were here all along, huh?¡±

    Lilly appeared from the darkness, only wearing a white dress. That, and my collar. She had her hands behind her back, she seemed very casual and relaxed. God she was cute. But I had no time to get roped into her games. I drew my sword and slashed at her in one motion. I was sure I was close, but somehow my blade passed right through her, cutting the wall instead. I felt a pain in my chest as I cut through several precious, early memories. Trying out different berries in the fields. Skinny dipping in a lake under the stars. Meeting the Zeerian people and apologising for what Lilly did. Countless memories of us fucking in the cottage whilst an amazing movie was playing. I clutched my heart in pain.

    ¡°Aww. Were those ones precious? Sorry about that. But don¡¯t worry, they¡¯ll be gone soon. And then we can make new ones!¡±

    ¡°You¡­ Bitch¡­ Those¡­ Those are precious¡­ How can you just discard them?¡±

    She shrugged.

    ¡°You¡¯re the one who wants to get rid of them, not me. You¡¯re the one attacking me with that sharp thing of yours and demanding to return to a world that doesn¡¯t exist. It¡¯s a wasteland. A Puddle. It¡¯s not Terrestia anymore. Terrestia is here. I can be happy wherever I am so long as I know that you love me. That¡¯s why losing a few memories here or there isn¡¯t so bad. Because you will always be with me.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m sorry I let this happen, Lilly. The more you speak, the more I hate myself. For what I did, for encouraging this insanity, and¡­ And I apologise for what I need to do.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m up for a fight. Maybe I¡¯ll actually win this time¡­ But even if I don¡¯t, let¡¯s lay down afterwards and cuddle, okay?¡±

    ¡°No. Because by the time I¡¯m done, this world will be gone.¡±

    ¡°Such fighting words! Oh my!¡±

    I slashed at her again, and again. But she didn¡¯t even need to avoid my attacks to somehow not be hit by them. But I wasn¡¯t aiming to hurt her, I just wanted to keep her away as much as possible, lest she try and erase my memory whilst my guard was down.

    One of my slashes went straight through the wall, cutting through to our bedroom. Lilly was suddenly lying naked on the bed, smiling at me seductively.

    ¡°Not in the cuddling mood? How about you fuck your pet senseless! Arf!¡±

    I stabbed into the mattress, picking it up with my sword and swinging it around the room, destroying everything, knocking over the tv and smashing it, knocking the lily heart and our names off the wall. My sharp blade cut through the bed frame and caused splinters to fly everywhere. I clicked my fingers, setting the mattress on fire and flinging it at the doorway, where Lilly had appeared.

    ¡°... This is a bit upsetting.¡±

    I ran downstairs next, all I needed to do was turn on the gas stove and click my fingers to cause it to explode, setting the whole house on fire. I dived out the window, laying flat on the ground, right next to Lilly¡¯s bare feet.

    ¡°... Was a cottage too corny for you? Do you want your manor back next time? I thought it was kind of nice, having it where it was in Selicia¡­¡±

    ¡°I want my real manor. In the real world.¡±

    ¡°Hmm. Maybe I should erase your memories of the real world, too. That seems to be the root of your problems. It¡¯s a shame, though, considering that disgusting world was unfortunately the root of our relationship¡­¡±

    She knelt down, her finger coming towards my ear, but I encased my head in ice using mana to block her and rolled away, stumbling back to my feet.

    ¡°Okay¡­ Mana privileges revoked. And where *did* you get that sword anyway?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s the real one. And my mana privileges aren¡¯t up for you to decide.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m sorry Ayano, but they are. They¡¯re gone now.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t understand mana one bit. You think you could stop me from using it? One of the most gifted mages and scholars in the world?¡±

    ¡°Um. Yeah?¡±

    ¡°Think again.¡±

    I clicked my fingers, and it began to rain. Come to think of it, it hadn¡¯t rained once in my entire time spent in this reality. As the clouds rolled in, there was a rumbling, and then¡­ A bolt of lightning struck Lilly. She didn¡¯t even move to avoid it. She acted like it didn¡¯t affect her.

    ¡°That stung. But okay, yeah, guess you¡¯re right. You can use mana. Cool. Now can we stop faffing about? This is getting boring.¡±

    But I was already running away, towards the archway. It was as Lawrence had said, I could defy her as much as I wanted, but if I wanted to actually defeat her, then I needed the populace on my side.

    When I arrived in the fake Selicia, it was up in flames. Black goo was dripping everywhere, corpses, rubble, the sky was red and countless eyes in the sky were scouring the landscape.

    ¡°Fuck¡­¡±

    Lawrence was right. She really had torn apart this reality. Every corpse I saw was someone I knew. Mother, Father, Priscilla, Beth, Hugo, Georgia and¡­ Fuck. I had always imagined it in my nightmares, but finally, I was actually seeing it. Julia¡¯s corpse, torn in half by some impossibly powerful force.

    ¡°Well, shit. I can¡¯t possibly let you remember this now, can I? But don¡¯t worry. I can bring them back. Right now if you want. They all simply got in my way when I was looking for you earlier, so I swept them aside for the time being.¡±

    Lilly appeared behind me, causing me to retreat away as far as I could. My face was contorted with fury.

    ¡°Even if you can bring them back, Lilly, how can you tolerate harming your friends? People close to BOTH OF US?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s as you said. Because I can bring them back, and they won¡¯t remember anything. I haven¡¯t inflicted any harm at all. The only people I¡¯ve ever harmed are the people I killed before I created this world. It¡¯s as simple as that, really. Here, take a look. They¡¯re fine! See! I¡¯ll just erase the last few hours of their memory.¡±

    Lilly clicked her fingers, and, suddenly, the black goop closed in around each of them, swarming them, and in moments they emerged from the sludge all stitched back together again. They each opened their eyes, and got to their feet.

    ¡°A-Ayano? Lilly? What¡¯s going on?¡± Beth asked, getting to her feet.

    ¡°... Oh. Ayano. You finally decide to come see me, and it ends up like this?¡± Georgia asked.

    ¡°... Did you do all this, Ayano? There¡¯s so many corpses everywhere¡­ Why would you try to hurt us like this?¡± Said Hugo, a dark grimace forming on his face.

    ¡°It¡¯s not what it looks like!¡± I exclaimed, I needed control of the narrative and *quick*, ¡°I want to escape this reality, and when I ran away¡­ Lilly did all this, just trying to look for me! Anytime we get bored here, she erases our memories. Anyone who wants to leave, anyone who goes against the narrative that this world is perfect, they have it all taken away from them, so they forget why they were upset in the first place! She did this, she killed you and all these people!¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ Yeah. I ask Lilly to do that all the time. I told her to get rid of my memories of the old world, too,¡± Said Priscilla, scratching her head, ¡°I don¡¯t remember the details, but apparently I was a bad person in the old world. I felt guilty being here, so I asked Lilly to make me forget why I felt guilty in the first place.¡±

    ¡°Same here,¡± Said Julia, ¡°Apparently, in the old world, I was in love with someone. But on the day we were supposed to consummate our love together¡­ Apparently she dropped me like trash, without explanation. I was apparently living my life in complete and total misery up until Lilly rescued me and let me live here. I get to be with someone new now! Someone who actually loves and appreciates me! And it¡¯s because I forgot about the old person that I can be fully committed to him!¡±

    ¡°S-Stop¡­ None¡­ None of you understand¡­¡±

    ¡°Listen, I know the wait for the alien assimilation is long, I know things would be a lot more exciting if we didn¡¯t just have human culture and psychology to keep us entertained, but you have to appreciate what you have and forget the past,¡± said Hugo, ¡°I get bored here too. But there¡¯s so many things you can do here. I try to avoid asking Lilly to get rid of my memories and I just try to switch up my perspective. Just chill for a bit, yeah?¡± Hugo suggested.

    I felt utterly hopeless. They were¡­ No. Not brainwashed¡­ I mean, considering Lilly constantly tampered with their memories, maybe they were. On the other hand, up until recently, I was just the same as them, wasn¡¯t I?

    ¡°L-Lilly!¡± I shouted, turning my attention to her, ¡°Tell them the truth! You did all this! Tell them how you¡¯re trying to change my memories even though I don¡¯t want it.¡±

    ¡°This is between you and them, I¡¯m staying out of it,¡± Lilly said with a shrug, ¡°But hey, do you guys want to see what Ayano did to my cottage? She totally set it on fire. Gonna have to rebuild it from scratch¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry to hear, Lilly¡­¡± Said my mother, walking over and giving her a hug, ¡°I love my daughter, but maybe she isn¡¯t right for you,¡± Said my father, ¡° She clearly needs to work on herself. You should find someone who truly deserves you.¡±

    ¡°Thank you, but¡­ Ayano really is the one for me¡­ I¡¯ll help your daughter find peace, don¡¯t worry¡­¡±

    ¡°STOP! STOP ALL OF THIS! YOU¡¯VE ALL GONE MAD! How can you all live in a world where there¡¯s no risk? Where there¡¯s nothing to lose? What use is there in holding onto something that you can still have, even if you let go of it? A reality where nothing is lost is where nothing of value is truly gained! We¡¯ve all been reduced to children, living under her thumb! None of us can grow as people, none of us can understand empathy, because we can always have exactly what we want, when we want it! Nothing truly happens in a world without pain and struggle! The days and centuries blend into one another, every day is different, but every day is the same! You know I¡¯m right, because if I wasn¡¯t, you wouldn¡¯t need to have your memories erased! You may not know it, but Lilly told me that the time between one erasure and the next, at least for me, has been getting shorter and shorter¡­ There¡¯s something deep within your souls that knows that something is wrong! Do you really think the assimilation of alien culture is going to fix that? No! It isn¡¯t! It¡¯s just going to prolong the inevitable! The inevitable being that one day we''ll wake up and realise that we¡¯re not living in heaven, we¡¯re living in hell! Indulging in activities which mean nothing more than the pleasure that it produces! Please listen to me! At least some of you have to know that I¡¯m right! If any of you are willing to stand with me¡­ Anyone, anyone out there in this world, listening to me right now, know that we can stand up to her! We can put an end to this dream, and wake up and face reality!¡±

    Everyone was silent after my impassioned speech. Looking around, most people, sadly, looked unconvinced. Lilly had a look of sadness and pity on her face, placing her hand on her heart, tears running down her cheeks as she wore a serene, sombre smile.

    ¡°... If it¡¯s a hell you want, Ayano, it¡¯s a hell you¡¯ll get. I won¡¯t erase your memories¡­ I¡¯ll give you the torture you want. A torture that you¡¯ll never forget, that I¡¯ll never erase¡­ I¡¯ll make it last a million years, and¡­ When it¡¯s over¡­ Hopefully you¡¯ll be ready to return to this world. It¡¯s going to be painful, being apart from you for all that time, knowing that you¡¯re suffering¡­ But I¡¯m doing this for your benefit. For all our benefits. So that this never happens again. I love you, Ayano. I look forward to seeing you again. I¡¯ll keep your collar, and I¡¯ll stay faithful. I¡¯m really sorry that it had to come to this¡­¡±

    ¡°N-No¡­ Please¡­ Don¡¯t do that¡­¡±

    But it was too late. The ground opened up beneath me creating a large hole, and a dark tendril emerged from the darkness inside it, wrapped itself around me and dragged me down into the black abyss.

    ~~~

    I was falling for a few minutes before landing in an entirely black space. I still had my sword on me, which offered me some hope¡­ Or at least, I assumed so. I could feel it, but I couldn¡¯t actually see anything. It was total darkness. I kept expecting a demon to appear, or something awful to come around and start torturing me, as Lilly had said, but¡­ Nothing happened.

    But, very soon, I heard a voice from the darkness. Male. Deep.

    ¡°Ahh¡­ I think someone new arrived.¡±

    ¡°Really!?¡± Exclaimed an old woman.

    ¡°Cool¡­¡± Muttered another.

    ¡°So who are you?¡±

    ¡°... Ayano¡­ Just¡­ Ayano¡­¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t mean *that* Ayano, do you? Lilly¡¯s lapdog?¡±

    ¡°Nah. No way would she throw Ayano La Belfonse down here. Ayano has the most privileged position in the Lillyverse, after all.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to say¡­ But it is indeed me, Ayano La Belfonse,¡± I replied.

    A cacophony of voices rang out.

    ¡°No waayyy!¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re joking?¡±

    ¡°She finally came to her senses, huh?¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t fuckin¡¯ believe it¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s cool and all, but there goes our last hope of ever getting out of here¡­¡±

    ¡°So¡­ What is this place?¡± I asked.

    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s easy. This is Lilly¡¯s ¡®hell¡¯. A place for those of us sick of the endless boredom, a place for those of us who are dissatisfied with harming the soulless flesh puppets she creates, because they only feel good when they can hurt and discriminate against real people. For whatever reason, benign or malevolent, this is a place for people who want the old world back, and who won¡¯t accept their memories being erased. However Lilly can¡¯t actually bring herself to torture anyone, so¡­ She just left us in here, really. Until we learn the ¡®error of our ways¡¯ and earn our way back into her ¡®paradise¡¯, I guess. It¡¯s not so bad though. There¡¯s hundreds of people down here and the number keeps growing, so the conversation never really gets boring.¡±

    ¡°Beats the overstimulation of her so-called ¡®heaven¡¯. I¡¯ve honestly grown to prefer not having a body.¡±

    ¡°It makes sense that someone as lonely as her would think of this as the worst hell imaginable.¡±

    ¡°I bet the fact that there are people here actually makes it seem worse for her. People she could talk to but can¡¯t fuck.¡±

    ¡°Ha. All of the downsides with none of the benefits in her mind, I guess.¡±

    ¡°She¡¯s all ¡®love this¡¯ and ¡®love that¡¯, but all she really wants is stimulation.¡±

    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

    ¡°Hey Ayano, err, your majesty or whatever, is she even a good lay?¡±

    ¡°Yeah tell us!¡±

    ¡°I¡¯d love to know to be honest.¡±

    I sighed.

    ¡°Yes¡­ She is. She¡¯s very kind and attentive in bed. She¡¯s beautiful. She herself is probably¡­ Probably why it took me so long to wind up here.¡±

    ¡°Well, glad you abandoned your principles for so long for something that was worth it, at least.¡±

    ¡°... She wasn¡¯t worth it because of the sex. I mean yes, as I said, it was good. But she was worth it because she was her. We had a connection, and so many other good qualities¡­ For those reasons, I still love her. And it¡¯s because I still love her that I¡¯m going to go back up there and save her.¡±

    ¡°Good luck with that. We¡¯re in the black sludge right now, right at the bottom of whatever is left of the ocean. We can hardly have an influence on the main body from down here. We¡¯re technically separated from the gold part of her, even. She made absolutely sure that there would be no escape.¡±

    ¡°No mana down here either. Not that a good enough mage could-¡±

    I clicked my fingers, and low and behold, I created a flame, illuminating the space we were in. Thousands of people were huddled around each other in some sort of cage. They all looked at each other in shock.

    ¡°I-I can actually see you!¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe it!¡±

    ¡°I thought we didn¡¯t have bodies? Did the mana bring our bodies into existence, just like that?¡±

    ¡°These aren¡¯t real bodies remember, we¡¯re still in the dream world. This is just a cognitive thing I think. Or whatever, I don''t understand any of this.¡±

    ¡°More importantly than that, does this mean that Ayano can use mana, even down here?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s called aether, and yes, we¡¯re saved!¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s called mana, Zeerian scum.¡±

    ¡°Guys don¡¯t fight, we¡­ We actually have some hope! Thousands of long, gruelling years, and we finally have some hope!¡±

    ¡°All of us agree, so, it should be a cinch to move the black sludge up to attack the gold sludge! What¡¯s our plan of attack, Ayano?¡±

    ¡°... First, let¡¯s¡­ Let¡¯s try and focus, and¡­ Illuminate this room completely. Then let¡¯s see if we can see where we are in the real world.¡±

    ¡°Makes sense to me!¡±

    So that¡¯s what I did. I expanded the flame out further. As I suspected, we were indeed in a large cage. And¡­ Going by what Lilly had described to me, and my brief time investigating the Leywood manor, this had to be the cage Lilly had been abused in for most of her life, only much larger. Fitting.

    ¡°Huh¡­ A cage. I¡¯m glad it¡¯s not something horrific,¡± muttered a man.

    ¡°... This place is the heart of Lilly¡¯s trauma. It makes sense that she would want to bury it here. Now¡­ hold hands, or link your arms together¡­ Try and project your senses out¡­¡±

    They all did as I asked, and soon, I found myself looking out of the eye of the Monstra. My body was large yet shapeless, and I could feel the many other souls that were a part of me. The depths of the ocean were surprisingly bright, largely thanks to the bright, golden goo directly above us. It was majestic. Beautiful. It truly had an ethereal look to it, like I really was looking up at the land of heaven itself.

    ¡°This is easy so far¡­ Now¡­ We head up, and hope for the best. Once we¡¯re inside, I¡¯ll detach from the main body¡­ I¡¯ll try and reform my real, human one. Then, I¡¯ll look for the real Lilly. I¡¯ll be able to fight her more effectively outside of the confines of her reality.¡±

    ¡°Are you sure about that? You¡¯re just a human, and in case you didn¡¯t realise, Lilly is *planet sized*. You don¡¯t stand a chance!¡±

    ¡°This is the only way I stand any chance at all. We have to do it. This is our only shot. Even if we fail¡­ We can at least take solace in the fact that we tried. Perhaps bide our time and try again someday. Who knows? Maybe I or somebody else already tried this, and failed¡­ But just because it seems impossible, that¡¯s no reason to stop trying, don¡¯t you think?¡±

    ¡°... Yes. You¡¯re right, Ayano. Let¡¯s give this a shot. Ready?¡±

    ¡°Always,¡± I replied.

    ¡°In unison now¡­¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m controlling a Monstra¡­¡±

    ¡°Stay focused!¡±

    ¡°3!¡±

    ¡°2!¡±

    ¡°1!¡±

    ¡°For the future!¡± I shouted, and with that, the Monstra was sent flying upwards towards our golden enemy, and my lover.

    ~~~

    Like a bullet piercing flesh, our pitch black mass punctured the gold mass, diving inside.

    ¡°Oh¡­ Back already¡­ Didn¡¯t even take you an hour¡­¡± Lilly¡¯s voice resonated around us, her face appearing millions of times all around us as we rapidly crawled through her body.

    I was using my sword to cut through anything that gave us even the slightest resistance, meanwhile, even though the golden mass was overwhelming, we did still have the strength of a Monstra body on our side, and we were able to resist Lilly¡¯s attempts to squeeze us into submission.

    ¡°Mmm, you really are penetrating me quite deeply. Fuck¡­ it feels good Ayano¡­ Like the old days. Just kidding! I don¡¯t have a vagina anymore, not in this world.¡±

    ¡°Where are you!?¡± I shouted.

    ¡°Everywhere, duh. But fine. I guess if you want to find my heart, keep heading where you¡¯re going. Maybe angle left a bit. Not that you¡¯ll reach me in time. Jokes aside, you¡¯re becoming quite a nuisance, Ayano. It¡¯s really quite upsetting when I did all this for you, y¡¯know? But¡­ That is what I love about you, after all. That tenacity. That spirit that never fails to surprise me¡­ Even I have to admit that we had lost a certain ¡®spark¡¯ over the past couple hundred years. A reset was due anyway¡­ But this¡­ Honestly, maybe I should let you do this more often, it¡¯s much more fun than a reset! Getting to fight you like this is so fun! Not that I don¡¯t want to cuddle at the end of the day¡­ But hey, I¡¯m not going to go easy on you, okay? Go as far as you can, but just know that you¡¯ll be back in my arms again soon¡­¡±

    ¡°You need to stop rambling.¡±

    ¡°You need to stop rejecting me.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not rejecting you. I¡¯m saving you.¡±

    ¡°Spoken like someone who suddenly decides that they hate me. You were happy for thousands of years, why are you turning on me now?¡±

    ¡°I was happy. I do love you, and I don¡¯t hate you. But I¡¯ve had my fill. It¡¯s time for us all to wake up.¡±

    ¡°What¡¯s wrong with sleeping?¡±

    ¡°... I can enjoy the present moment whilst asleep in your world. And I can forget the past. But I have no real future to look forward to.¡±

    ¡°Why do you hate me, Ayano?¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t hate you. I love you. I¡¯m doing this because I love you.¡±

    ¡°WHY DO YOU HATE ME? I¡¯VE EXPLAINED EVERYTHING, I¡¯M SORRY THAT I¡¯VE DONE HARM, BUT I CAN¡¯T BRING THOSE PEOPLE BACK! IF I COULD, THEN I WOULD! I EVEN BROUGHT YOUR FATHER BACK EVEN THOUGH HE WAS MOSTLY EATEN!¡±

    ¡°We weren¡¯t talking about that, Lilly, but I understand that you harbour a lot of guilt... But don¡¯t worry, it won¡¯t be long now. I¡¯m going to save you from this suffering.¡±

    ¡°You may want to shut up, Ayano, she¡¯s getting angry!¡±

    ¡°Fuck she¡¯s latching onto us, we¡¯re-¡±

    Before we knew it, we were in the skies above the fake Selicia. Looking down, it seemed that the town had already been repaired in the short time that I was gone.

    ¡°Fuck! She took us back here! We¡¯re doomed!¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right! You guys were pissing me off! Especially Ayano! Do I have to erase your memories *and* leave you down there for a long time? Like, fuck! Guys, I don¡¯t *enjoy* messing with your minds, you realise that right? I¡¯m only doing this because I HAVE to!¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to, Lilly! You¡¯re doing this because you¡¯re afraid!¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not afraid of anything, Ayano! Especially not YOU. I¡¯m not afraid of you because I LOVE you!¡±

    ¡°You use that fucking word too much.¡±

    ¡°Bitch, I¡¯ll say it more! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE-¡±

    Golden tendrils appeared and attempted to grapple us, but I was able to cut them away, using the clouds as cover to mask my attacks and make feints. The human form of Lilly appeared next to us, floating in the air and watching us.

    ¡°Hey everyone, watch this! This is what happens when you try to escape from hell!¡± She yelled down at the citizens below, her voice booming to ensure that she was heard.

    ¡°Do you really wanna look like a Monstra? Look at how they struggle! Isn¡¯t it depressing? It¡¯s much worse than living your current lives, right?¡±

    ¡°... I wonder what I did to have you stop taking me seriously, Lilly. Maybe I apologised too much.¡±

    ¡°Perhaps. After all, you have been a bit of a crybaby over rejecting the one you love, over and over again, for no fucking reason.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve had good reason. Each and every time. *Especially* Now.¡±

    Our Monstra tentacles reached into the clouds, and tore apart the seams of the goo, breaking apart the fabric of the simulated reality. I stabbed my sword in through the gap, and emerged from the Monstra body in human form. The only thing I retained was that I had used the sludge to perfectly reform my old black, gold trimmed military outfit. Red cape. White boots. It was the outfit I had worn the first day Lilly had arrived at the manor, the one she had thoughtlessly destroyed. I finally felt powerful again.

    ¡°Ayano, are you sure about this? If you fail, we might be trapped here forever!¡±

    ¡°Remember what I said. We have an eternity to try, over and over again. One day, we¡¯ll succeed! Even if it¡¯s not today, even if I lose all my memories, my essential being will remain! I will try again and again, no matter what it takes!¡±

    ¡°Good luck Ayano!¡± They all cried out.

    I would not fail them. I ran across the tentacles and took my sword from it.

    ¡°NO STOP!¡± Lilly screeched, but it was too late. Her tendrils weren¡¯t able to reach me in time before I had crawled through the tear and back into reality. This time, I would hopefully stay there.

    ~~~

    I burst through the seam, covered in golden sludge. But thankfully, where I ended up wasn¡¯t quite as constricting. I seemed to be in some sort of hollow part of the sludge structure, some sort of wide open cavern. The sludge was pulsating around me. The ground beneath me was soft, but I was mindful of the fact that it could suck me back into the false world at any moment. I used fire to burn the ground wherever I stepped.

    ¡°Your fire makes me feel itchy. It¡¯s annoying. But I understand why you¡¯re doing it.¡±

    In front of me was Lilly. Human sized, her body was constructed from pure gold. She had white, angelic wings, a halo, and she was hovering slightly off the ground. Behind her, so close to us, was Terrestia¡¯s star. A sun so bright and hot and magnificent that I knew under normal circumstances I would be burned to a crisp. A membrane seemed to be surrounding it for protective purposes, and it seemed to be completely isolated from the rest of the vacuum of space that should be surrounding it. Lilly had completely surrounded it. Golden tendrils covered it all over, pulsating red as they, I could only assume, absorbed its energy.

    ¡°... So this is what you¡¯ve been working on.¡±

    ¡°I said as much, didn¡¯t I? I have scientists and scholars working on it. See?¡±

    Lilly pointed towards the membrane, and indeed, in the distance, I could see many golden, human figures looking at the star, studying it, drawing arcane circles and working on devices that I think Lilly had once described to me as ¡®computers¡¯. Some sort of advanced Earth technology designed for running calculations that ran off of electricity, or something.

    ¡°... If you swallow this star¡­ You¡¯ll never be able to return the world to how it was, will you?¡±

    ¡°Not that I¡¯d want to anyway, but yes, hypothetically, you¡¯re right. I could change the world back right now with a little bit of effort, but not even I am strong enough to replace a star¡­ But of course, I need its mana if I¡¯m to escape this solar system. As I am now, however, I¡¯d probably accidentally create a supernova and get us all sucked into a black hole or something. You know what those are? They¡¯re tears in space so large and so powerful that not even light can escape its gravitational pull. And I¡¯ve decided that I am the very personification of light! I don¡¯t know if I¡¯d be able to survive one¡­ I have to be very careful going forward. But hey, that¡¯s why I have smart people to help me navigate through this stuff. Loyal smart people. Unlike you. An unloyal, normally smart person who right now is behaving very stupidly. Y¡¯know, if you wanted to see all this, all you had to do was ask, right? It wasn¡¯t like I was keeping all of this a secret from you. I¡¯ve only been trying to hide this from you because you started acting nuts.¡±

    ¡°... You¡¯re the crazy one here, Lilly. It¡¯s time to put an end to this. We¡¯ve talked enough, don¡¯t you think?¡±

    ¡°I would never get bored talking with you. You, by yourself, are a source of infinite happiness for me. I¡¯m only doing all of this because apparently I need to give you an entire universe to keep you entertained. Because even when I give you all of human culture and everything I have to offer, you get bored after a measly 1,000 years. You really have no attention span, you know that?¡±

    I¡¯d had enough. I stepped forward, clicking my fingers and lighting my sword aflame. Lilly sighed.

    ¡°Alright. I got mad earlier, but, let¡¯s duel calmly like adults, shall we?¡± She said.

    Getting close to Lilly was going to be a monumental task in and of itself. Because the moment I made my hostile intentions known, tendrils from all around me began to attack. They all took the shape of different weapons, all ornate and beautifully forged. Blades to parry my attacks, shields to block the bursts of flame I tried to fire in Lilly¡¯s direction, hammers to try and squash me, buzzsaws to try and slice me in half, spears to impale me, fists to bludgeon me, and of course, plain tendrils to simply try and whip at me or restrain me.

    But I had learned from sparring with Lilly all those years ago. God, Monstra, or human, she always had the same approach. To overwhelm with brute force rather than employ any sort of strategy or technique. Now that I was back in reality and in my real body for the first time in thousands of years, it was exhausting. I was out of shape and out of practice. I was not used to a reality where my muscles actually ached. But, somehow, I was still able to fend off her attacks and advance. I was able to tap into that primal skill that I had never truly lost, remember my technique, and read Lilly like a book. Even if she could attack me from any direction with any weapon she could think of, I knew exactly when she was going to attack and from where. Spending so many centuries with her only made her attacks even more obvious to me.

    And finally, I reached Lilly, bringing my flaming sword down upon her, which she blocked effortlessly with her bare arm, before flinging me a few feet away.

    ¡°You never fail to surprise me,¡± She said.

    ¡°At this point¡­ Somehow you only surprise me when I give you the benefit of the doubt, my love.¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t deserve to call me ¡®your love¡¯ when you¡¯re trying to destroy everything we built together. Our world. Our cottage. Our relationship.¡±

    ¡°Are you sure, Lilly? I think I deserve to say it. Now more than ever. Want to see how you like it? I love love love love love you Lilly! I love you more than the universe itself! You¡¯re my everything to me!¡±

    ¡°... Don¡¯t mock me.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m not. I¡¯m telling you the truth. The truth I¡¯ve always been too afraid to say.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sick of this. Die. I¡¯ll revive you in the cottage when I¡¯m in a better mood.¡±

    With a click of her own fingers, the membrane parted, just slightly, a pinprick that allowed the full force of the sun¡¯s rays to pass through. This energy was magnified into a thin laser of light that was directed straight at me.

    I had to respond before I even knew what was happening. The attack was moving at lightspeed, after all. But what Lilly failed to account for was that the air was incredibly thick with mana. An essentially infinite amount, just as much under my control as it was under her¡¯s.

    Fire, light, it didn¡¯t matter. I had spent my entire life educating myself on all things mana. Art, mathematics, science, history- A highly educated royal and a hard working genius, the inner workings of Terrestia was knowledge that was mine to utilise. Lilly, meanwhile, is a creature who manipulates mana purely on instinct, not understanding the mechanisms behind her own power. She is an anomaly that breaks all the commonly understood rules of reality. But her extreme advantage simply doesn¡¯t matter, for at the end of the day, I simply know how to control mana far better than she does.

    I let the laser hit the hilt of my sword, and I focused, absorbing the light, extending my blade into a form that was as tall as the star itself.

    ¡°I-Impossible! How are you doing this?¡±

    I smirked.

    ¡°Technique.¡±

    ¡°OPEN IT UP ALL THE WAY I DON¡¯T CARE HOW MUCH DAMAGE IT DOES, GO!¡±

    But I was already bringing my blade down upon her, upon her heart. But the membrane opened up all the way when my star sword was inches away from making contact with Lilly. The full force of Terrestia¡¯s sun came down to bear on me, and Lilly focused its energy into a laser, directed straight at me. This would likely deal severe damage to her body, as the fire indiscriminately burned away her golden power, all the power she could ever absorb from Terrestia. It took a ton of her resources in mana and flesh to defend herself from the star that was right behind her.

    But I was fine.

    Because I had them.

    Figures emerged from the ground, all made of black sludge. Those who had been with me in the Monstra to begin with. Then my parents. Hugo, Beth, Julia, Georgia, Lizzy, Granny Belfort, even Ferdinand was there. And¡­ Hiljosky, too. Guess he wasn¡¯t dead after all. Or perhaps whatever remained of his DNA had reformed itself to help me out at this crucial moment.

    The last person to emerge was Lawrence. He took his hand in mine, holding the blade with me.

    ¡°We believe in you,¡± He said.

    ¡°WE BELIEVE IN YOU TOO!¡±

    From everywhere around me, the citizens of Selicia¡­ No, all of Terrestia were around me, cheering me on.

    ¡°AYANO! AYANO! GIVE US BACK OUR LIVES!¡±

    Tears fell down my face.

    ¡°I thought none of them believed me¡­¡±

    ¡°We¡¯ve all been watching you¡­ This whole time. When Lilly¡¯s concentration broke¡­ All of their memories, everything that was erased, all came flooding into us. They saw her memories. Your memories, too. They experienced everything you went through. Everything I went through as Lawrence, too.¡±

    ¡°They know I used the mirror? That I drove a girl to suicide?¡±

    ¡°Yes. And they support you. Including Julia herself. They support us. And they support Lilly getting the help she needs.¡±

    Lilly looked at us, distraught, scared, confused, shining tears falling from her eyes.

    ¡°W-Why¡­ Why are you all BULLYING me! I gave you the perfect world! You were all happy with it! Y-You all need to stop! I¡¯m not going to be able to return it to the way it was if you destroy my heart! Nothing can convince me to change, NOTHING!¡±

    With the help of the people of Terrestia, their countless golden hands pushing the membrane closed, the star was once more safely enclosed, and the star sword was able to come down in full force against Lilly. Even with the full force of that, however, she was still standing. But as the surrounding sludge turned pale and lost its glow, it became clear to me that, at least temporarily, all she had control of was the heart. Her human body. I left my sword with Lawrence and stepped forward across the burnt sludge.

    ¡°Stop! Don¡¯t come any closer! That hurt! IT STILL REALLY HURTS. EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. PLEASE. STOP!¡±

    But I kept stepping towards her. Because I finally remembered it. The one technique that could always defeat Lilly without fail. That could always get her to calm down, to see sense. It was a forbidden skill I had long since forgotten. Because I hadn¡¯t used it in so long. Because I had grown to trust her so much that I didn¡¯t think I would ever need to do this again. But right now, she was just like she was when I first met her. A poor, confused girl, with desires she shouldn¡¯t act on.

    As I came closer, it was clear that she was badly damaged. Red hot fire had partially peeled away the veneer of her golden skin, revealing the purplish black sludge beneath. Her clothes and her body were badly burnt, and her now heterochromatic eyes, one purple, one green, were looking at me in desperation, begging me to stop. When I was inches away from her, I placed my hand on her singed hair, caressing it. Despite everything, that gorgeous brown hair of hers was still silky smooth.

    ¡°... I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m still your God, you know¡­ I always said that I could rule this world, and that you could be my Queen¡­ But you never believed me, you never took me seriously, you said I was kind and normal and a good person and deserving of love and freedom but you were wrong! Look at me, no matter how much I try to do, no matter how much I think about what would be best for everyone, no matter how much joy I try to bring to the world, I always end up a monster! I keep doing things that I think are right but EVERYONE always turns around and calls me a monster! I¡¯m so sorry I killed people! I really wish I didn¡¯t, but¡­ The fact that I did, the fact that I made this world and maintained it for so long, it¡¯s evidence of the fact that I was NEVER going to be a normal human! I¡¯m not human! Even when I was born on Earth, I don¡¯t think I was a human! I think I ended up in Terrestia precisely because I¡¯ve been a monster for all my life, I always have been and always will be a monster for the rest of eternity and your rejection is PROOF of that! I don¡¯t¡­ I don¡¯t trust you anymore Ayano! I love you but I don¡¯t trust you! I don¡¯t trust myself but I can¡¯t trust you or anyone else to save me from myself! YOU¡¯RE ALL USELESS TO ME. THIS WORLD IS USELESS. I AM USELESS. I HATE EVERYTHING! I WISH THIS STUPID WORLD DIDN¡¯T EXIST, I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN AND-¡±

    She had rambled on long enough. I employed my secret technique.

    I flicked her in the head.

    ~~~

    Before I knew it, me and her were on the shores of Grisia. Not a speck of sludge, black or gold, to be seen. The waves were so calming. The air was so salty it burned my eyes. Pain. It was good to be back. The sun was shining in the sky, far away, like it should be. My boat was moored up on the shore. I think my crew members were probably just waking up.

    I felt something between my legs, sweaty and sticking uncomfortably to my thigh. It was back, too. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a penis. But¡­ I wasn¡¯t upset to have it again. I felt relieved. It finally felt like I was back in my true body again. Not my ideal body, but my real one. It felt correct in its incorrectness.

    I was sitting cross legged on the sand, and Lilly was in my arms. She was wearing her maid uniform, tattered, torn, and burnt. Her eyes were green.

    But they were unblinking.

    She wasn¡¯t breathing.

    Her body was still hot from when the full force of a star had hit her. I assumed that she no longer had any Monstra blood left in her to protect her.

    I had to accept it. She was dead.

    A crew member walked over to me.

    ¡°Oh, lady Ayano¡­ There you are. My head¡¯s a bit fuzzy, but the last thing I remember, the Monstra came to ¡®greet¡¯ us, then¡­ Pfft. Fuck if I know. But now the Monstra¡¯s gone? Do you know where it went?¡±

    ¡°... It¡¯s gone. I killed it. For good.¡±

    ¡°How?¡±

    ¡°I ordered an Annihilation Sphere. Remember?¡±

    ¡°... Oh. And, who is that?¡± He asked, pointing down to Lilly.

    I stared at him blankly for a few moments.

    ¡°Do you really not know?¡±

    How could he not?

    ¡°... No. No clue at all, your majesty.¡±

    I see. So that¡¯s how it was.

    ¡°... I don¡¯t either. Perhaps she was just one more victim here on Grisia.¡±

    ¡°... Poor girl. Too young to die horribly like that. Weird that that maid dress looks Selician, though¡­ Well, whatever¡­ We should probably get going then, right? Back to Selicia?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m taking her body with me. We¡¯re going to give her a proper funeral. I¡¯ll¡­ give her a coffin and send her off to sea.¡±

    ¡°... O-Okay, your majesty. I¡¯ll send word ahead explaining your intentions¡­ Jeez, my head is killing me¡­ But it also feels like I just woke up from a really pleasant dream¡­¡± He muttered as he wandered off.

    And with that, it was all over. I remained with Lilly on the shore for a few moments, whilst I waited for people to come and collect us and sail away properly. I let tears fall down my face. Salty, wet tears, stinging me even more in the sea air.

    I had wanted to save her. I didn¡¯t want things to end up like this. But at the very least, she was herself at the end. She returned the world to normal, but¡­ In her last selfish act, I suppose she erased the memories of the world, to make them forget about her. I couldn¡¯t blame her. It was better that way. That she died forgotten, rather than as an angel or a devil.

    Seemed like they had forgotten all they had learned about me as well. It was wonderful, seeing the world come together to help me out, to have Lawrence tell me that they accepted me for my mistakes and for who I am. But¡­ Moments like that, moments of true empathy, could only happen when one was literally capable of living through the exact same experiences as another. Something like that wouldn¡¯t be possible in a world without the Monstra. Without Lilly. I suppose my mask would be back up again from now on. I¡­ I wish I had memories of actually reconciling with Julia and Georgia¡­ But it seemed that I would never get the chance to do so now, even though I had had centuries to talk to them as much as I wanted. I only hoped that the me I had forgotten said everything I would have wanted to say.

    As for Lilly herself, I hoped the people who knew her in life remembered her the way I did. Because it was up to us to carry on her memory and remember her for the adorable, kind hearted maid she was, rather than the monster she had harboured within her.

    The seas were calm on the journey home. But my heart wasn¡¯t.

 Chapter 25- Lilly

    ~~~ 6 Months Later ~~~

    It was late afternoon, but the sun wasn¡¯t visible through a sky which was filled with thick black storm clouds. The rain was unending, a flood drowning all the plants, turning roads into rivers, and rivers into lakes. It had been pouring it down ever since I had woken up on a Selician beach, broken wood surrounding me, without a single break. It was crying the tears I had run out of. I had no clue where I was- The wood looked like the remains of a coffin, but really, figuring out what had happened to me was the furthest thought from my mind. For I had one objective- Find Ayano. So I got up, and started shambling across the country. I travelled and travelled, and as I did, I deserved every drop of water that harshly crashed against my fragile body, punishing me for those decisions I shouldn¡¯t have made. I deserved the wind blowing against me, as though begging me to turn back in the other direction and do literally anything else with my life. But I persevered. I made it to the manor.

    When I did, I returned to find that everyone was on edge the moment they noticed my presence. Ayano had appointed mages to guard the manor in my absence, she was probably free to do so because Zeer was no longer a threat. Two of them were preparing spells, and about twenty gunmen aimed at me from every angle as I walked onto the manor grounds, wearing nothing but rags. I had walked for miles and miles, days without rest or sleep, shuffling back to this precious place. But what was I expecting to find here? I had offered Ayano my entire world and she had turned it down, and¡­ At the end of it all, I finally saw sense, and agreed with the arguments she made as to why. But even if we couldn¡¯t live a perfect life together¡­ I still *needed* her. I knew of no other life besides a reality that had her in it.

    She stood out front, a body guard mage with a pale blue magic shield erected in front of her. I remember the days when she walked up to me without fear, even knowing what I was. Now she felt like she needed all these defences at just the sight of my pathetic self.

    Neither of us were going to say the first word. So I did the only thing I could do. I drew a knife I had found days ago, and raised my arms into the air, slowly, making sure they could follow my every movement. I slit my wrist. A few bullets whizzed past me, missing. Possibly warning shots, possibly intending to kill. But they stopped when they saw the blood trickling out of me.

    Red. Human. Normal. As I let the blood flow out of me, my tired, starving body felt the last of its strength vanish, and I collapsed to the ground, motionless. Ayano walked over to me. Still cautious. Still hiding behind a mage, her hand on the hilt of her sword.

    ¡°My blood is dormant. Have your mages and doctors take a look over me- My heart, it¡­ It won¡¯t wake up. Ever again. Ayano¡­ I¡­ Wanna be¡­ A maid again¡­ Just¡­ A¡­ Maid¡­ Not a handmaiden¡­ Just¡­¡±

    Her expression didn¡¯t move as I slowly found myself bleeding out on the floor, the rain washing away the blood into a watery, muddy red mess, like diarrhoea mixed with blood. Wallowing in shit, just the way I had spent most of my life.

    ¡°Bring her in. Examine her body. If she¡¯s lying, I want her killed- If not, escort her to my office.¡±

    ¡°Thank¡­ You¡­¡± I muttered.

    After the things I did, I was happy that she was even considering sheltering me. She might even hire me again, just like I wanted¡­ I was happy at the prospect, but I tempered my expectations. She might be showing me mercy now, but that didn¡¯t mean that she wanted me in her life. It was difficult to feel good when my expectations were low. It was even harder when it felt like my heart, once so bursting with joyful naivety, struggled to produce even the mildest of emotional responses. I missed it. I missed those days so much. I wanted my heart to wake up so that I could be *me* again, but it just wasn¡¯t. Ayano had taken it, and even if she gave it back, and I¡¯m not even sure how she would return it anyway, it wouldn¡¯t be the same anymore.

    I was picked up and laid down on a stretcher, as I could barely walk now. As I was carried away a mage hastily closed the cut using magic, and I was taken into the manor.

    ~~~

    I learned that nearly everyone had lost their memory of what happened, most only having indistinct recollections of vivid, happy dreams. However, those who had been closest to me, those at the manor, still had a vague recollection of what had happened. And they knew that it had been my fault. In addition, whilst the official story was that Ayano had defeated the Monstra with an annihilation sphere, she made the truth known to a select few members of the Selician elite, as a highly classified piece of information. But it was information that was also shared with my friends here at the manor- Since they had some memories anyway, the truth was explained to them so that they would fully understand what had happened, and to make sure they would keep it secret.

    Ayano was the only person with a perfect recollection of events, but via advanced science and mana study that I wasn¡¯t able to understand, she was able to prove that thousands of years had passed on Terrestia seemingly in an instant. This, combined with the testimonies of my friends and the phenomenon of everyone experiencing ''pleasant dreams'' at the same time backed up her story. Besides, everyone knew that an annihilation sphere alone couldn¡¯t have defeated the Monstra, especially since they had recently turned so aggressive so as to attack Zeer, so everyone had been suspicious of her story to begin with.

    As for Zeer, I apparently hadn¡¯t returned it to a state prior to my attack on it. Frankly, I don¡¯t remember reverting the world back to the way it had been prior to eating it. It¡¯s what I would have done, but I simply don¡¯t remember much of anything between Ayano flicking me in the head and me waking up on the beach. I felt a bit bad for the country, because even though I had made sure not to kill any civilians¡­ I had still left a lot of Monstra gunk all over the country. Not to mention, their mages, scholars, and military were still people with hopes and dreams and love in their hearts. They were just as innocent as any civilian. At the very least, more innocent than me. As was Hiljosky, to be honest. A man who was still dead. In any case, the Monstra ooze was inert now, merely just sludge, no blood animating it whatsoever. It still made people sick, however, and the clean up was feeling borderline impossible, especially with the collapse of their government and military. The Selicians were doing what they could to help out, but, even Ayano couldn¡¯t prevent it from being total anarchy over there. Grisia may be just as gunked up, but at least the country had already been completely evacuated. Nothing remained there. But because Zeer was still technically liveable, other countries weren¡¯t accepting refugees freely.

    Priscilla was still in hospital and was set to be released next month. Much time had been spent undoing the programming that had been implanted in her. It was taking a long time, but, with no more Zeerians to reinforce the commands, there would be no issues in eliminating her indoctrination in the long term. Ayano was surprisingly lenient on her, considering that Priscilla had tried to take her life, but it was easy to understand that she didn¡¯t have full control over her actions because of her programming. She was to be jailed in the capital, but she would be allowed to leave semi-frequently, and would even be allowed out on parole and released entirely in a few decades if she displayed good behaviour. I was glad she was okay, even though I still didn¡¯t really want to see her. Not just because I felt guilty for hurting her, but¡­ Also because I still hated the fact that we slept together. Zeerian programming didn¡¯t excuse what she did there.

    As for what was going on with me, well, I had died. Ayano had had my body checked many times to ensure that I was truly dead, and after confirmation of my death I had been sent out to sea in a coffin. That I had washed up ashore and had somehow made it back here made no sense to anyone, least of all me, but they eventually believed that I wasn¡¯t lying about secretly using some Monstra powers to make it here. I have no doubt that my nature as the Monstra played a role in my resurrection, but if it did I had no intention behind it. The results of the many tests they conducted on me confirmed that I was telling the truth about my blood being dormant. So I was allowed to see Ayano. I sat in the chair opposite hers, a blanket slung over my shoulders, a warm bowl of Hugo¡¯s chicken soup in my hands. I slowly sipped it, gazing listlessly at my reflection in the broth.

    ¡°You came all this way to see me again? After that? You nearly assimilated our sun and you managed to reshape the nature of reality for thousands of years, and you¡¯re shambling back here to be a maid again? Lilly, you¡¯re insane. Deranged. As much as you keep saying that this is about me, it clearly isn¡¯t.¡± Ayano spoke up, tapping her fingers on the table, refusing to look in my direction, clearly exasperated to be seeing me again.

    ¡°... It is all about you. That¡¯s all it is. But¡­ Listen, I know that¡­ You¡¯re not going to return my feelings. I don¡¯t deserve your feelings. Even though I still feel the same way about you¡­ As much as I can do, anyway¡­ I just¡­ Wanna be your maid¡­¡±

    ¡°As much as you can do?¡±

    ¡°As I said, dormant blood. I barely feel like me anymore. The Monstra side of me is gone. My feelings are crushed. My acceptance has crystallised. It¡¯s not coming back. The old Lilly isn¡¯t coming back. I can¡¯t pursue you the way I once did¡­ I can¡¯t use my powers to force myself on you or try to fight your enemies and impress you or trap you in a dream world or anything like that, I¡¯m just¡­ A human. A human who is dead inside. Who knows of no other life besides serving you. I was happy here. I still care about you. You as a person are more important than my feelings. I¡¯ll cook and clean and do whatever you ask. You don¡¯t need to give me special treatment. I won¡¯t be your handmaiden anymore. Pick someone else or whatever. But I¡¯m not going to survive in a world where I know what I did to its people. Even if society at large doesn¡¯t know what I did¡­ I just¡­ I just can¡¯t¡­ So, please, give me my life back, in its most barebones form. If you can''t do that for me, then¡­ I suppose execution is a fitting punishment for my crimes."

    ¡°... No matter what you''ve done, I can''t bring myself to kill you. So I''ll entertain the idea of hiring you. If I do, will you learn to get over me? To get over this obsession of yours? That you say that I am more important than your feelings hurts me to no end, Lilly. I want you to care about yourself. To live for yourself and others who care about you, not just for me. If you truly, honestly, actually care about me, then you¡¯ll try to find a way to love yourself, by yourself. Can you do that for me?¡±

    ¡°... I dunno. But with time, that¡¯s what I¡¯ll try to do. Even if my feelings don¡¯t change, there¡¯s nothing I can do anyway-¡±

    ¡°Lilly, it¡¯s¡­ Never been about what you can and can¡¯t do. Given that you just tried to absorb the entire world into yourself and trap me inside your fantasies for the rest of eternity, it might be difficult for you to believe that out of my mouth. I know I hit you with the full force of a supernova. To say it was intense and dramatic was a gross understatement. But ever since we first met, the way I¡¯ve treated you, interpersonally, has never had anything to do with your nature as a Monstra. Even if I wanted you for the purposes of defeating the Monstra, or political benefits, or even just to prevent you from running wild, I¡­ What we had, those feelings we shared¡­ You being a Monstra had no weight on that. I had to put on a show out there for everyone. And I admit, I was a little afraid of you, but¡­ I¡¯m mostly afraid for your wellbeing. Especially now. I want you to be happy. When I woke up in this reality, you were dead in my arms, and I was devastated. Because I rebelled against you back then to save you, not to kill you. So in truth, I¡¯m overjoyed that you¡¯re somehow alive and here now. It¡¯s even better that the Monstra seems to be completely gone. So I don¡¯t want your blood to awaken, but I want you to remember all the feelings it used to give you. You¡¯re an amazing woman. Strong, dependable, kind, beautiful, intelligent, and so, so full of love- I¡¯ve always, always wanted you to find someone more deserving of you than me. Someone who will truly and earnestly give you their everything, the way you give all of yourself to someone. I¡¯m not afraid of what you¡¯ll do to me, Lilly. Especially if the Monstra side of you is truly gone. Right now, I¡¯m afraid of what you¡¯ll do to yourself.¡±

    ¡°So¡­ Even after all I did¡­ You still want to paint me as a victim of your circumstances, right?¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯m not sure what you mean, Lilly.¡±

    I dismissively snorted. This was ridiculous. Did she not know what she was doing, or was she lying, even now?

    ¡°... Even if you weren¡¯t Queen, even if there was no trauma or relationship baggage in your past, and even if I wasn¡¯t a Monstra and hadn¡¯t done anything wrong¡­ The truth is¡­ That you wouldn¡¯t want to be with me anyway. Why not just admit that I¡¯m not your type?''

    ¡°Of course you are¡­ Why do you think we even began a relationship in the first place? I¡­ I just know that I can¡¯t be the person for you, even though I wish I could be-¡±

    ¡°I fell in love with you as you are, flaws and all,¡± I interrupted, ¡°Not somebody else. But there is something I don¡¯t love about you. In fact, I hate it, and it¡¯s what you¡¯re doing right now. You¡¯re trying to pretend that I¡¯m not too much. Because¡­ Because I know¡­ The real reason why I¡¯m so servile¡­ Why I¡¯m always just a ring away, always available, always ready to serve, why I would do anything for you and why I need to *remind* you that I would do anything for you. It¡¯s because¡­ The more I do for you¡­ The more debt I think you¡¯ll be in with me. You won¡¯t be able to abandon me so easily if you know I¡¯ve done so much for you. In the dream¡­ I always knew that, no matter where you went, no matter how much time you spent with other people, that you would wind up back at the cottage. I thought it was because you loved me, but, no, it¡¯s not quite like that. It¡¯s because you feel like you¡¯ll always owe me. And I want you to owe me. Because¡­ I believe that for so long as you do¡­ You¡¯ll never want to be rid of me. But the burden of that debt becomes too much. I remind you of it constantly, waving it in your face, calling it love. The strings of my love become the chains of your imprisonment. It¡¯s funny, isn¡¯t it? I¡­ I always told myself I wanted to be your slave, but¡­ Even before the dream, perhaps you ended up with less freedom than me at the end of the day. That lack of freedom terrifies you. As a result, my obsession, deep down, disgusts you."

    Ayano¡¯s eyes turned cold. She was silent. She leaned forward and looked straight into my eyes.

    ¡°... Your point, Lilly?¡±

    ¡°Just¡­ Admit that¡­ Being a Queen would let you feel more free¡­ Than being with me¡­ Admit that freedom is all you ever cared about¡­ Admit that all your excuses are just you trying to mollycoddle me, to make me feel better¡­ Even though we both know that my own overbearing behaviour is what led us to this point.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s true that I care about freedom. That¡¯s why I put an end to the dream. But you¡¯re mistaken if you think you¡¯re the only one at fault. I still love you, and part of the reason I do is that I respect the way you devote yourself wholeheartedly to someone. It¡¯s a trait I wish I had.¡±

    ¡°... You love me so long as I expect nothing. So long as my devotion is blind.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s not true at all.¡±

    ¡°Ayano¡­ Please, just stop. It would be easier on me if you stopped lying.¡±

    ¡°... I won''t lie to you, Lilly. From the very beginning, you were indeed a bit of a nuisance to me. It felt like you didn''t see me for who I am. In your affections, I felt objectified. That first night we spent in my room¡­ I changed my tune precisely because I felt like we couldn''t have a real emotional connection, so I tried to give you want you want by masking that lack of connection with physical affection. After that, I kept it going, fearing what you might do if your fantasies were shattered¡­ But then, we did begin to connect, and I did begin to enjoy being around you. When you told me about Gloria, however, I realised that I was in a very similar position to her. The slave contract was broken, and, if I didn''t keep you happy, there was no telling what you might do. In truth, I¡­ May have lied when I said your nature as a Monstra had no bearing on anything. Because, even though I began to trust you, a part of me couldn''t bear the pressure. I couldn''t bear the weight of your power, and, more than that¡­ I couldn''t bear the weight of your expectations. That''s¡­ That''s why I broke up with you back then. And that''s why I can''t be with you now, even though the Monstra side of you is gone. Because I can sense it, even now. That weight is still there¡­ In fact, despite what you¡¯re saying, I believe that your feelings are stronger than ever. I don¡¯t believe you when you say that you ¡®just¡¯ want to be my maid. But¡­ Lilly, you must understand that I''m simply not strong enough to be who you need."

    ¡°... I know you''re strong. Stronger than me, in every sense. That''s a big part of why I love and admire you. So don''t try to bullshit me. You''re not too weak for me¡­ I just disgust you.¡±

    "Disgust is a strong word, Lilly. But¡­ Perhaps you''re right. After all you''ve put me through¡­ I just don''t feel like there would be any peace between us were we to resume our relationship. We lived thousands of years in the dream, and it was wonderful. I was very happy, and that''s why it was a struggle to even want to leave. But you manipulated my memories, trapped me, robbed me of the struggle that makes me and everyone else human. After that¡­ I''ve had my fill of you. Right now, I just want to be free to be me. Because I still have feelings for you, you''re probably right that maybe I''ve been trying to take too much of the blame. But¡­ The truth is, even before you attacked Zeer, I''ve always felt, right from the beginning, that this wasn''t going to work out. So¡­ I''m deeply sorry for stringing you along. I''ve explained myself as best I''m able as to why I did that, but¡­ I understand if you can''t forgive me."

    "... I can. I can forgive you."

    "You shouldn''t. You need to value yourself more."

    We were both silent for a moment, looking into each other''s eyes. But I couldn''t keep staring for long. I was the first to look away, returning my attention to the soup.

    ¡°... Do you miss that reality?¡±

    ¡°... Yes. But being there taught me something important. It taught me that reality needs consequences to be meaningful. That the only reality worth living in is one where everything is allowed to end. So that new things may be born.¡±

    ¡°... It¡¯s funny¡­ We never did have children, did we? Even though we were so excited about it¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s just as well. If they had been born in a place like that, they wouldn¡¯t have been able to handle being brought into a world like this.¡±

    ¡°Mmm¡­¡± I chuckled, ¡°Perhaps not.¡±

    Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work!

    ¡°In fact, were you able to bring any children born there into this world?¡±

    ¡°... As far as I know¡­ No. And I¡¯m not sure if children born in such a place would have been truly human to begin with.¡±

    ¡°... I see. Well¡­ As I said, that¡¯s probably for the best.¡±

    I sighed. It was still so nice, talking to her. I wanted to say more, even though I was probably beginning to poke at her patience now¡­ Even if they weren¡¯t happy topics, I just wanted to extract more and more time out of her¡­ But¡­ I had run out of things to say. This talk needed to come to a close. A pang of despair tugged at my heart, the last vestiges of my hope fading away as I came to the realisation that it was all finished. For good.

    "... So. We''re over," I said.

    "Yes."

    I sighed deeply and placed the soup down on the desk, quietly shivering. I suddenly didn''t have an appetite anymore.

    "... When do I start?"

    "You still want to be a maid here?"

    "Yeah. I just need time to figure out what I wanna do with my life whilst saving up money."

    "... I still don¡¯t really believe you, but at least you¡¯re not capable of forcing yourself upon me anymore. And we can monitor you to ensure you¡¯re not a danger to yourself or others. Whilst I think you are still hoping for something to come of us, your excuses for wanting to work here again do, admittedly, have solid reasoning. At least in the sense that I do think you¡¯ll need a bit of time to regain your sense of self again¡­ So fair enough, I suppose. I do not intend to keep you here long term, but I will help you to get back on your feet. So¡­ I suppose you can start next week. I am not going to employ you as my handmaiden, but your room is still as it was. It¡¯s still yours. Rest there for the next couple of days¡­ You¡¯re clearly in awful shape. You need to regain your strength before you can work again. I¡¯ll need to sort out some documents and¡­ Wow, there¡¯s a lot I¡¯m going to have to do¡­ How do I revoke your death certificate and explain to the nobles that I¡¯m not employing a zombie¡­?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t be, Lilly. I care about you. I always have.¡±

    ¡°Hmph¡­¡±

    ¡°Another thing, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°What?¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re getting therapy.¡±

    ¡°Okay.¡±

    ¡°And one more thing¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯m really glad you¡¯re back. Despite everything, I missed you.¡±

    ¡°... I see.¡±

    ¡°From now on, Lilly¡­ I want you to live a good life. A real one. Don¡¯t waste it, okay?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll give it my best shot.¡±

    ¡°So long as you do your best, that¡¯s all I can ask for.¡±

    I wasn¡¯t confident that my best would be good enough.

    ~~~

    And so, life returned to normal. Months went by, I had twice weekly therapy sessions that wore off in effectiveness over time. I cooked and cleaned. I socialised. Once I was cleared to head into town I spent cash on cafes and art and music and tiny little ornaments and cute clothes just to make myself feel a little better, just to justify the visit. And also because I didn¡¯t really want to save money. I didn¡¯t want to save up money to buy a house in Belfort or wherever else and then have no reason to stay working at the manor. So I continued to spend and spend, and I would even bring back some cakes for Ayano and the other servants sometimes. Hugo was a great baker, but nobody could make cakes quite like Granny Belfort.

    I did actually reconnect with my friends, too, such as Beth, Lizzy, and Hugo. A few people were upset at me, Hugo in particular said that he ¡®felt dirty¡¯ once he¡¯d been told exactly what happened, and didn¡¯t let me into the kitchen for a month. Others forgave me. Others still missed the dream, and thanked me for trying to create a world where they could experience it, even as their memories of it had begun to fade the way dreams do, they still remembered the joy they felt. Beth was one of those people, even though she struggled to admit it. I felt bad for her. She had a dream much like mine, living peacefully alongside a lover who¡­ Had looked just like me. It was only now that I realised how often I had created fictional ¡®characters¡¯ just to fulfil some people¡¯s fantasies, rather than trying to encourage real people to talk to each other in the dream. So many people in there were off in their own little world, and I was so focused on making the environment a perfect place for Ayano that it hadn¡¯t even crossed my mind how awful it was that so many people had spent so much time with these fantasies, these people who were little more than imaginary friends.

    I began to see Beth differently from that point forward. I thought about her hot and cold attitude, the way she berated me whilst also agreeing to help me with chores, the way she turned red whenever I entered the room. I had always thought that she had been *angry* to see me, but that was far from the truth. Which shouldn¡¯t be a shock to me, considering she had already confessed to me, but somehow it was. Indeed, Beth had feelings for me, feelings that she wasn¡¯t confident enough to openly express again, and feelings that I wasn¡¯t returning. But I didn¡¯t have any special interest in her, and¡­ Knowing that made my stomach churn. Was my own obsession with Ayano causing someone else to suffer the same way I was? I wish I could just¡­ Change my own desires and give her what she wants. But I couldn¡¯t. Did Ayano feel this way about me? Was I in her shoes regarding Beth? It broke my mind, and it made me cry a lot when I had moments alone.

    Overtime, even those who hated me came to forgive or tolerate me. When Hugo finally let me cook again, it was obvious that I had dramatically improved thanks to all the practice I had had in the dream. My skills were at a level to where there were some nights where I told Hugo that he deserved the night off, and that I would handle the kitchen. He had grown to respect and trust me enough that he actually *let* me do that, too, and it made me happy to see him at the dining table, able to relax and converse with others.

    Life was good. In some respects, it was better. But my smiles were lies. Anytime I wasn¡¯t distracted with socialising or work, I was in my room, barely functioning. I could have an amicable conversation with someone one minute, even Ayano herself, and then go right back to laying catatonic on my bed, sinking ever deeper into despair.

    Four months passed like this. It was spring again. Although the sun wasn¡¯t shining the way it had been last year. It was grey everyday. Life was supposed to be getting better. However I had to face the facts. I was feeling awful, and I wasn¡¯t getting better. In fact, the more money I made and the more popular I became, the worse I seemed to get. I couldn¡¯t bear to be alone, and yet I couldn¡¯t bear to pursue intimacy. Even as I became friendlier with Ayano, even as she started to trust me enough that we began to hang out, watch and discuss movies, laugh and make jokes, I couldn¡¯t help but feel that I was being taunted by her kindness, beauty, and intellect. I felt further away from her than ever. As my depression grew I found myself valuing her friendship less and less. I valued all my friendships less. I valued myself less. All of reality was turning into meaningless sludge.

    Did I really love her? Or was my brain throwing a tantrum, sinking me into despair simply because it didn¡¯t get what it wanted? Was Ayano as a person really that special, or was she only special because she rejected me? I was used to a reality where I had the power to take whatever I want whenever I wanted it. A reality where I could destroy countries and reshape reality at a whim. And I knew, deep within me, that if I was brutally honest with myself, that perhaps the only reason my blood had gone dormant was because it had found the one thing it couldn¡¯t purchase through sheer force of strength and will. Ayano had made it very clear why she couldn¡¯t be with me, and I couldn¡¯t even disagree with her. She was right, I should be moving on. It was clear that a relationship with Ayano wasn¡¯t going to work out. But I didn¡¯t care. I knew all that, and I still wanted her and nothing but her anyway. Maybe knowing that she didn¡¯t hate me made my heart cling to the hope that we might get back together again.

    I was just a spoiled brat. But knowing that didn''t change how I felt. Was I being too hard on myself? Maybe my love was more pure than I thought it was. But I had done terrible enough things that I couldn¡¯t believe in my own purity. Even if others forgave me, even if all anyone wanted was for me to love myself, surely I had not put in enough work to *truly* repent, had I? But was it right to think that way? Was Ayano and the universe withholding love from me, or was I withholding it from myself? Maybe I would be happier if I focused on the little things, the life right in front of me in the present rather than worrying about something grand and romantic and incredible that would be unattainable even if Ayano did want to be in a relationship with me. I would certainly be happier. People in my immediate vicinity would certainly be happier. Maybe a good world is spawned from contentment rather than from ambition.

    God did I fucking love her, though. Lord did I need her.

    ¡­ And it was one night, as I returned to my room, that I saw a painting I had long been ignoring. The painting depicting the lake on the estate, the one that hung right next to my door.

    And I felt my blood stir. It was surprising, alien in its familiarity. It was reacting to the painting. The lake! I felt a rush of excitement. I was feeling something again! I looked out the window. It was dark, but I could see the stars in the sky. The clouds had cleared. I knew what I had to do. I changed into some casual clothes, and decided to head out on a late night excursion towards the lake.

    ~~~

    I was power walking the way there, chewing down a sandwich. My blood writhed about with happiness, becoming more excitable the closer I got, spurring me on my journey. Was I going to find Ayano here? Were we going to rekindle our lost flame under the stars? My imagination ran wild as I practically began running towards the lake, running towards destiny, and-

    Nobody was there. It was just a lake.

    But it was a beautiful lake. The surface was still like glass, reflecting the stars above as though a piece of the sky had landed on the ground. I gazed into it. I saw my reflection, there amongst the stars. And I realised something. I realised it as my blood boiled, suddenly falling from my eyes as tears, the purple ichor running harmlessly down my cheeks. I belonged there. I belonged with the stars. With the stars, I would find love. My blood was pulling me towards the edge of the water. It was warm. It was inviting. The water wouldn¡¯t be ice cold. I could swim in it. I could sink into it, I-

    I could drown in it.

    Just like Julia.

    I collapsed to my knees and clutched my face, my tears falling through the gaps in my fingers. I could drown in it. I *wanted* to drown in it. The thought was so romantic, sinking into a lake, sinking into the sky, sinking into the universe itself, finally, truly becoming one with it. All the love I could ever want was up there, down at the very bottom of that lake. The thought of water entering through my mouth endlessly, filling my lungs, choking the air out of me and slowly killing me¡­ That had always been a terrifying thought to me. But now I realised what I had been missing. I realised the happiness that could await me if I just let death penetrate my very being. It was like a dick. Forcing itself down my throat, entering into my every orifice. It was my decision, purely a matter of my own perception, if the dick of death felt like rape, or the deepest love this world could offer me. Perhaps Ayano had been right about the fact that a properly ordered reality needed death. Perhaps she mattered so much to me that if our relationship were to die, then I should die too.

    It was selfish. It was disgusting, dying in the same lake that Ayano¡¯s first lover had died in in another world. It was possibly the worst way to go, the way that would maximise Ayano¡¯s pain. But¡­ But there was something so poetic about it, too.

    My blood knew that. That¡¯s why it had taken me here. It would no longer awaken for love, but it would awaken for death. It was fate. The lake had always been waiting for me, waiting for anyone with a broken enough heart, waiting for the inevitable moment that they would seek its embrace. Someone was always going to break my heart, and I was always going to be incapable of handling it. This moment had been the only ending possible for me since my birth, as much as I had tried to fantasise otherwise. Because even if I had been born human, I would still be a wretched, desperate creature. I tried to talk myself out of it. I thought of how selfish I was. About how many people would be sad. About how upset they would be if I regained everyone¡¯s trust and then ended it all so soon afterwards. But I couldn¡¯t. I couldn¡¯t talk myself out of it.

    I thought about the fact that the only reason Ayano wants me alive and happy is so that she can feel better about her decision to reject me. The only reason anyone wants anyone else to keep on living is so that they themselves can justify their own daily decision to keep on living. Like a row of dominoes, everyone is afraid that once one topples, the rest will follow. Everyone committing suicide because they can¡¯t handle the grief they harbor because of the last person¡¯s self-inflicted demise. In this way, all the good people will die and only the psychopaths remain. I say let it happen. If all it takes is peer pressure from the previous guy to drive the next to death, perhaps they wanted to die anyway. If this world is a place meant only for the worst of us, then I say embrace it. Only the worst of us could enjoy this garbage planet anyway. Perhaps if I die, I could be that catalyst that causes that mass awakening. Maybe people would realise the simple solution they could take to free themselves from misery, pain, and unfulfillable desires. Realistically, however, I¡¯m just going to die, and it will be unremarkable. Eventually, once the last person who cares to remember me dies, I¡¯ll be forgotten. The world will keep spinning as though I was never there. Once that happens, I¡¯ll finally be at peace.

    Yeah. I had been wanting this for a long time. Months now. I was beginning to realise that this was the only sensible path for me. I¡¯m glad I only just realised it, though. I don¡¯t want anyone else to know. I want it to be sudden. I wouldn¡¯t want Ayano to discover my intentions and think that I was holding my life ransom, demanding her love in exchange for my continued existence. No matter how much she begged and insisted that she really did love me, I wouldn¡¯t want that sword forever looming over our heads. I don¡¯t want her to be chained to a relationship because she¡¯s afraid of what I might do to myself if she doesn''t maintain it. She said as much that that was always what she had been afraid of. Her fears had always been justified, and that was no love at all.

    No. This was the moment. I had to end it now, or else I would never again muster up the courage to do so. I was tired of this world. I didn¡¯t want to live with hope anymore. I didn¡¯t want to grow old and loveless. Love was the only thing that mattered to me. Ayano was everything to me. My universe. Ayano was every star in the sky, and since I couldn''t join her up there, I was going to sink into her reflection. Without her, I couldn¡¯t bear to keep on going, living in this rotting body that reminds me of the tragic fact that I still exist.

    I stripped off my clothes. I wouldn¡¯t need them where I was going. I slipped myself into the lake, pleased that my feet didn¡¯t immediately hit the lake bed. It was deep. Deep enough to drown me. I swam into the centre of the lake and laid on my back, floating, looking up at the moon and the stars. I was so grateful that this incredible sight would be the last thing I¡¯d see. My blood came to life, tentacles wrapping themselves around every inch of my body, squeezing me softly as though to tell me everything would be okay.

    Slowly, the tentacles began to drag me down into the water. The darkness of the warm waters enveloped my vision. Instinctively, I tried to hold my breath, but I knew it would be worse the longer I tried to prolong it. I opened my mouth, willingly allowing the water to enter my lungs, to fill every inch of my body. Even as my human form screamed out in pain, screamed out for oxygen, the Monstra side of me caressed my face, massaged the pain away from my body, showed me that intimacy and care I craved from another, and the love I had long been withholding from myself. They made this easier for me. Reassured me. It was so beautiful. So calming. My feelings sunk to the bottom of my chest and faded away into that glorious emptiness. I closed my eyes as my consciousness slowly faded away.

    ~~~

    When I next opened my eyes, Someone¡¯s face was framed by the moon. Hair and nightgown dripping wet, pressing her hands against my chest, trying desperately to pump air into me, tears streaming down her face, crying out my name over and over. She placed her lips to mine. She was frantically trying to breathe air into my lungs. I coughed and sputtered out water that suddenly felt much colder than I remembered it being as I slowly regained awareness.

    I turned my head. A wooden training sword lay several feet away, soaked in purple blood. Countless tentacles lay around us, slowly melting away harmlessly.

    Her face came into focus. In my delirious state, I thought it was Ayano. But no. It was Beth. When she noticed I was awake, she slapped my face. Harshly. Now that I was back, the sadness in her expression contorted into a face of pure anger.

    ¡°WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING!? YOU FUCKING IDIOT! DON¡¯T TELL ME YOUR BLOOD PUT YOU UP TO THIS! IT DIDN''T! YOU¡¯RE BETTER THAN THIS LILLY! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!?¡± She cried and screamed and shouted, wailing as she lay her head next to mine, clutching me so tightly it was actually painful.

    ¡°I didn¡¯t want to be saved. I was finally happy,¡± I simply replied, even as my cheek still stung from the impact of her strike.

    ¡°DON¡¯T TALK LIKE THAT! Listen¡­ Listen Lilly! Everyone still cares for you, values you, does none of the progress you¡¯ve made mean anything to you? Do your friends mean nothing to you? Do you even mean anything to yourself? What happened to the girl who wanted to grant everyone their dreams? How could you be¡­ So selfish¡­¡±

    ¡°...¡±

    ¡°When¡­ When I saw you¡­ Walking out of the manor I¡­ I had this sinking feeling in my stomach and¡­ I tried to tell myself that you were just going for a walk, but¡­ After a little while, I just knew that I had to follow you to see if you were okay and I just¡­ I¡¯m so glad I did Lilly¡­ You dumb bitch¡­ You idiot¡­ Why¡­ I thought¡­¡±

    ¡°You thought what?¡±

    ¡°I thought you had¡­ I thought you were getting better and¡­¡±

    ¡°I wasn¡¯t. I hate this reality.¡±

    ¡°But Lilly¡­ Oh Lilly, I¡­ Everyone loves you so much, and¡­ That includes me of course¡­ I-I love you¡­¡±

    ¡°I know. But Beth I¡­ I just don¡¯t feel the same way about you. Just¡­ Please, throw me back in the lake. It¡¯s where I wanna be, but¡­¡±

    ¡°Lilly! No! You¡¯re coming back to the manor. You¡¯re getting a medical checkup and a meal and¡­"

    ¡°... But yeah, you¡¯re not going to let me be there. Whatever.¡±

    An endless stream of tears were falling down those red, furious cheeks. Both because of what I had tried to do, and no doubt because she had been rejected. Rejected tactlessly, at that. At least I hadn¡¯t led Beth on with a relationship, that was something to be proud of at least.

    I laid there like the corpse I almost was as Beth frantically dragged me back towards the manor, calling for help. I didn¡¯t resist her. Because death isn¡¯t appealing anymore. My blood was running cold and human. I ignored the rest of everything else she said that night. There wasn¡¯t any reason to listen anymore.

    When Ayano heard the news and saw me in the state I was in, I could see the quiet fury written across her face. She didn¡¯t scream or yell, but it was the angriest I had ever seen her. Angrier than she had been even when she was slashing at me with a sword infused with the energy of a star. And mixed in with that anger, I could see disgust and contempt. I didn¡¯t blame her. I had let my mental health deteriorate right under her nose. I had lied to her. Betrayed her yet again. I had tried to repeat what happened to Julia. Above all, I¡¯d say there was no reason for her to love anything about a creature that held no love for itself.

    She came to visit me about a day later. I was lying in bed, recovering. We were alone. She folded her arms, and looked down at me with a serious expression.

    ¡°I hope you¡¯ve calmed down by now. Lilly, why did you do it?¡±

    ¡°... Life didn''t feel worth living¡­¡±

    ¡°Because you can¡¯t be with me?¡±

    I turned my head to face her. A twisted, contemptuous grin formed on my face. It was my pain, my bitterness and my anger, my desire to hurt Ayano coming to the surface.

    ¡°Obviously! Did you really think my feelings were so weak that I *wouldn''t* try something like this!?!¡±

    ¡°...¡±

    She was silent for a few moments.

    ¡°... You know, Lilly¡­ I don''t think you saw me at first, but I had always hoped that you would eventually be the one to understand me. To be the only one who would treat me like a person instead of a Princess. But no matter how much I try to explain myself to you¡­ You put me on this inexplicable pedestal, and refuse to let go¡­¡±

    ¡°... That¡¯s because you¡¯re a goddess to me, Ayano.¡±

    As those honest words escaped my lips, whatever emotion remained on her face faded. The light in her eyes dimmed. At that moment, she no longer saw anything of value when she looked at me. It was over.

    ¡°... You¡¯re fired. Don¡¯t talk to me anymore.¡±

    ¡°... I¡¯ll always love you.¡±

    She had already turned away to leave, but when she heard those words, she turned to look at me, and a contemptuous snarl formed on her face.

    ¡°Just stop it. You fucking monster.¡±

    There it was. She finally said it. There was a twisted joy in seeing her finally break and admit how she truly felt¡­ Or¡­ Was it really her true feelings? Well, I would never find out. Because with those words she left the room. When she was gone, that sense of accomplishment vanished and my reality suddenly began to feel cold. Oh, oh so very cold. Tears were already forming in my eyes as I heard her footsteps growing steadily quieter. When I was sure she was gone, they burst out into full on wails. I screamed at the top of my lungs, screaming apologies, calling myself stupid, berating myself for allowing things to reach this point. I had built up so much good will despite my countless mistakes, so why had I done all I could to ruin everything? Why? I already missed her so much! Why couldn¡¯t I just love Beth? Why was I incapable of valuing Ayano¡¯s friendship for what it was? Why couldn¡¯t I value anyone? Why couldn¡¯t I value myself? Why could I not value anything besides her? Did I even really value Ayano at all, considering what I just did? Considering everything I had done?

    I was left alone to wail for hours, pins and needles spreading all across my body, threatening to kill me with stress, until someone finally came in to calm me down. I wasn¡¯t sure who it was. I kept my eyes tightly shut so that I couldn¡¯t see them, because I didn¡¯t want to see anyone. They told me to breathe. Slowly, I calmed down. And then, I finally fell asleep.

    ~~~

    I barely saw Ayano for the remainder of my time at the manor. I did, however, see Beth. I also saw Hugo and Lizzy, too. They would often sit at my bed and try to calm me down if I ever broke out into a fit. They hugged me, told me things would be okay, told me so many positive things. They encouraged me, even though I didn¡¯t deserve it, even though Ayano was still the only person I wanted. They conveyed information Ayano wanted to tell me. For the following days and weeks, my friends told me that I needed to be medicated in addition to my existing therapy sessions. I was told that Ayano was generous enough to give me a large enough sum of money so that I could strike it out on my own and build my own life away from her. Over the coming weeks and months I agreed to everything I was told I should do, lacking both resistance and enthusiasm.

    They eventually convinced me that I had far deeper problems than Ayano. My obsession with her spoke to far deeper psychological issues. I agreed. I knew I could think all of it through for the rest of my life and still learn new things about myself. But at the root of it, I simply didn¡¯t trust nor like myself. It¡¯s where everything else stemmed from.

    I realised why I had behaved so hideously towards her. It was because I wanted to be more than a friend to her. So¡­ if a relationship was never going to happen, then I only had one last option to make sure I would remain lodged in her thoughts.

    I¡¯d make her hate me.

    But now that I know what that looks like, I think I¡¯d rather be forgotten than hated.

    I dwelled on these thoughts every hour of the day as my misery and the damage the water had done to my body kept me confined to this bed that would soon no longer be mine. Lost in my own thoughts, caught in a loop, steadily learning important lessons, unlearning them the moment the guilt and longing became too much. I began to believe that any improvements I made couldn¡¯t last.

    However, by the time I was taken to my new home in Belfort, banned from the manor, absolutely, utterly separated from Ayano¡­ I reached a conclusion. I decided that I would try not to care where joy came from, so long as it was genuine happiness. I would live a good life. The best life I could. And maybe¡­ One day, Ayano would happen to see it, and she would forgive me. After that? I don¡¯t know. Hopefully if I¡¯m living a good life, I¡¯ll have figured that out by then.

    Putting myself back together, becoming stronger than I had ever been would be easier said than done. But I would wait however long it takes. I¡¯d put the effort in. Even if Ayano never noticed me ever again.

 Epilogue- Them

    Three years later, Ayano¡¯s mother died, and Ayano ascended to the throne. Ayano La Belfonse the first, sovereign Queen of Selicia. Years passed. Reforms were made. Socialised systems to help the impoverished, as well as technological and legal reforms improved the standard of living for the average citizen, allowing for upward mobility and greater ease for the average person to accumulate wealth and raise themselves out of poverty. The monarch and the nobility remained, but Ayano was implementing steps, steps that would likely take centuries to complete, steps that would have to be completed long after her death to follow her fallen enemies, the Zeers, and implement democracy. But mere democracy wasn¡¯t enough. Stamping out bigotry in all its forms and the exploitation of the lower classes was something she wanted to tackle however she was able in the time she had left. The elected position of Prime Minister was implemented a decade after Ayano took to the throne, they would be a person who held a large sway over the direction of the country, with the Queen ultimately, for now, still holding the final say in matters. It was from here that she took more of a backseat, trying to involve herself little so that the beginnings of democracy could truly flourish, working in the background to maintain affairs, both domestic and international, away from the public eye. Everyone wondered when the Queen would marry and find a King, birth a child and create an heir, continue a family who could truly serve as a symbol of Selicia¡¯s strength and commitment to traditional values and love, but, to this day, Queen Ayano has never done so.

    It was 12 years later, at 39 years old when Ayano decided to don those glasses that protected her identity, and walk the streets of Selicia as a nobody. She wanted to remember what it was like to not be Queen, to remember her days as a Princess when she could get away with little holidays like this. She travelled the country, eventually arriving at Belfort midway through her journey. She was intending to stay here for the night and then visit her old manor. She wasn¡¯t sure who was living there right now. It would be the manor where her heir would be raised and one day stay, but currently, there was no heir, no child to call it home. Any noble could be living there now. Perhaps even Ferdinand had decided to take up residence. She wouldn¡¯t mind seeing him, despite their strained relationship. Because above all, she was looking forward to indulging in some nostalgia.

    Ayano decided to stay at a bed and breakfast, when she was staying in Belfort that day in spring. ¡®Honey and Dreams¡¯, it was called. The building had a pretty little sign depicting the name, that looked like it had been charmingly painted by a child guided by the loving hand of an adult. When the Queen stepped inside, she was met with a child, possibly only about 7 or 8 years old, running up to her. Blonde hair, big blue eyes like the ocean, wearing a little blue uniform complete with a tie and skirt, the ¡®BW¡¯ emblem on her shirt indicating that she was schooled at the Wormwood Academy of Belfort.

    ¡°Hello miss! My name is Alice! I¡¯d normally help you out, but mommy Daisy is taking me to school! Mommy Lilly is going to have to take care of you! She¡¯ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner and tuck you into bed and make sure you have an excellent stay!¡±

    She rushed up to Ayano¡¯s legs and hugged them tightly, making the Queen feel a little bit embarrassed. She had never come across such a well spoken, energetic, and affectionate child before.

    ¡°Now now Alice, don¡¯t make the customers feel uncomfortable. You just met her!¡± A voice sounded as a woman stepped down a set of stairs at the back of the establishment.

    Blonde hair, blue eyes, just like her daughter, wearing a comfortable but delightful spring dress. Young and beautiful, she walked over to Ayano and smiled apologetically, Alice still clinging to her legs.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry madam, she always gets excited when she meets new people¡­¡±

    ¡°No¡­ It¡¯s quite alright¡­¡± Ayano replied, feelings having welled up within her when she heard the name ¡®Lilly¡¯.

    It couldn¡¯t possibly be her, right? Sure, she given Lilly a house in Belfort, but what were the chances that she¡¯d just so happen to have converted that property into a bed and breakfast, and what were the chances that Ayano would simply just walk into it? Panic began to well up within her. She remembered that final time they had spoken, following Lilly¡¯s attempted suicide, and her heart broke a little as that long dormant guilt resurfaced. A monster. That¡¯s what she had called the person she had claimed to love. Her heart began to pound, and she began to hope that they were referring to a different Lilly.

    That was when Ayano noticed that Daisy was staring at Ayano¡¯s face intensely. And after a few moments, something clicked. Daisy¡¯s eyes went wide with shock¡­ And she leaned in to whisper into Ayano¡¯s ear.

    ¡°Please¡­ Go easy on Lilly. She¡­ Still thinks about you a lot, my Queen,¡± she whispered once again, briefly bowing respectfully to Ayano before turning to look at Alice.

    With that, Ayano¡¯s heart stopped. She really was about to see her again. Panic rose up from within her and she was strongly tempted to turn around and leave, then simply run. Run away to anywhere else but here.

    ¡°Alright, let the nice lady go. Mommy Lilly will take care of her. We don¡¯t want you to be late for school!¡±

    But the mother and her daughter were occupying the doorway, and¡­ As Ayano looked at Alice¡¯s face, she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn¡¯t disappoint such an innocent girl by leaving.

    ¡°Okay! Byyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee have a nice stay valued customer!¡± Alice yelled happily as she let go of Ayano and rushed outside, waving frantically with both hands before Daisy led her away, flashing a slightly sad looking smile at Ayano before walking away.

    That smile said it all, and it locked in Ayano¡¯s decision to stay. This wasn¡¯t just trauma belonging to Ayano and Lilly anymore. This had to be resolved¡­ For Lilly¡¯s sake, and for the sake of her new family. Ayano nervously waved back as she watched them leave.

    Once they were gone, Ayano turned to look at the establishment. Several booths, laid out with comfy cushions, pillows with flowers or stars or moons drawn on them, wooden tables that looked clean, perfectly polished to prevent splinters, and well maintained. An open kitchen off to the right side of the store, a fridge, a stovetop and a microwave, all new models of appliances that Ayano had never seen before, even though she herself had been the one to approve of their development. She needed to update the equipment at the palace. The floor was wooden and two big light bulbs, one with a paper mesh the shape of a star around it, the other a moon, hung from the ceiling. Something was boiling in a pot on the stovetop. The smell reminded her of Hugo and Lilly¡¯s cooking, but also of something she couldn¡¯t quite pinpoint. Something different, something new, perhaps? An evolution on the style? It was certainly a recipe she had never tried before. Ayano took a seat at one of the tables, marvelling at how she sunk into the delightfully comfortable cushions. Then, Ayano saw her. Lilly, descending down the stairs.

    It was unmistakably her. Wearing a dress much like Daisy¡¯s, a beautiful pattern of green, purple, black and white. Her hair was longer, tied up into a ponytail. It was no longer braided. That, combined with a lack of her maid dress, made her look less cute and less precious, but so much more mature and beautiful. She looked like she had only aged a year at most. She would be 33 now, but she still looked like she was only 22. Her heart stopped for a moment, then soon returned to a normal tempo. Because upon laying eyes on her, she realised that she was no longer looking at the maid that had fawned over her in her mansion, nor the monster that had long haunted her most pleasant of dreams and most terrifying of nightmares. She was looking at someone who was now their own woman, a woman who had moved on.

    Lilly¡¯s reaction to Ayano was much the same. She saw through the glasses immediately and saw the woman she had obsessed over for so long. She had aged. Stress had clearly gotten to her, perhaps the curse as well. Lilly still often imagined those nights Ayano must have, where her Queen would have to clutch her chest, suffering in silence for the sacrifice she had made for Lilly such a long time ago, unable to ask for help. But even though the stress was wearing on her skin, causing it to wrinkle and lose its glow, Lilly thought she still looked as beautiful as ever. Perhaps more so than she was in Lilly¡¯s memories. Because the person in front of her right now was better than a memory or a fantasy. She was real.

    They paused to simply just¡­ Look at each other for a few moments. Lilly¡¯s lips slightly parted. She wanted to rush into Ayano¡¯s arms and cry. The Queen may have allowed it. But instead, the curator of this bed and breakfast shuffled over to the kitchen.

    ¡°Do you want some curry, Ayano? It should be done by now. I can make us a pot of tea as well.¡±

    ¡°That would be lovely, Lilly.¡±

    In silence, she worked. Putting on the kettle. Scooping out the delicious smelling curry that Ayano had never tasted before, serving it in a wide bowl alongside some fluffy white rice. She served enough for two of them, placed them down, then went back to fetch the tea and cutlery. The teapot looked crudely made, and had the name ¡®Alice¡¯ messily written on it. The tea cups looked a bit more professionally made.

    ¡°She made that teapot herself when she was 5. With supervision, of course. Alice insists we use it. Not that we complain. Customers find it¡­ Endearing,¡± Lilly said, picking up a spoon and taking a bite of curry.

    ¡°It is endearing,¡± Ayano agreed, taking a bite herself.

    Divine. Utterly divine. Better than anything she had ever had in the palace. Perhaps it was the best meal of her life. Maybe it was because it reminded her of Hugo and Lilly¡¯s cooking back at the manor. Maybe she had been overwhelmed with nostalgia. Perhaps it was the novelty, the perfect blend of sweet, salty, spicy, and umami flavourings. It was hot, it was complete. It wasn¡¯t exquisite, it wasn¡¯t made from the most expensive and rare ingredients one could find in this world, but it was perfect. It felt like home. A second bite, and tears were already falling down Ayano¡¯s face.

    ¡°I thought I would be the one to cry first. I¡¯m glad you like it.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s¡­ Amazing, Lilly. All this¡­ You, this building, your wife and daughter, they¡¯re¡­ Amazing¡­¡±

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    ¡°I¡¯m not married to Daisy yet. Still waiting for you to legalise same sex marriage. Get on that, Ayano.¡±

    The blank expression Lilly had been wearing morphed into a slight smile at that statement, as she took a sip of tea.

    ¡°Heh,¡± Even Ayano had to chuckle, ¡°O-Of course. I¡¯m¡­ Working on it.¡±

    ¡°I know you are. You¡¯re always working so hard.¡±

    More silence as they ate their meal and sipped their tea. Ayano¡¯s tears were falling into the curry. Lilly was looking at her with such a pained, yet serene look on her face. The mother couldn¡¯t keep her eyes off of her Queen.

    ¡°I met them six years ago. Six years after I¡­ Left¡­ The manor. I¡­¡± Lilly sighed.

    A minute of silence passed.

    ¡°You can¡­ Tell me about it if you want, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°... Okay¡­ But¡­ I¡¯m¡­ I¡¯m not as talkative as I used to be. Maybe that¡¯s a blessing to you, but¡­ But basically to get to the point, I¡­ I wanted to die during that time, for months and years after I left the manor I didn¡¯t make another attempt on my life, but¡­ I was deeply unhappy all the same. Despite that, I opened up this cafe. Ran it all by myself. Daisy came in as a customer one day. Alice was only about 7 months old at the time, I think. Daisy was carrying her in her arms. She ordered a meal and once she had finished eating it, she told me that she didn¡¯t have the money to pay for the meal. She looked up at me with pleading eyes as she breastfed Alice. Told me that her husband had lied to her and cheated her out of all her wealth, discarded her and the child and had found himself another woman. Back then I just wanted to kick her out. I wanted to say¡­ ¡®You don¡¯t have to pay, but you can¡¯t come back¡¯. She didn¡¯t even float the idea of staying. She just wanted a free meal. She just wanted herself and her baby to survive for one more day. I remembered her from when I¡­ You know, swallowed the entire world. Feels weird to say that I did that now. In her dreams she was dreaming of a perfect romance, just like me. She had only been in relationships with men, repressing the fact that she liked women. Her partner in the dream was¡­ So indistinct. Perfect, but faceless. An idea of a person, rather than someone specific. I¡¯m not sure if I ever told you that I ended up creating a lot of fake people in the dream, and the isolation people experienced was worse than I thought. Point is¡­ Her experience was less of a reality than what you and I had in the dream. And yet she clung to it so desperately. When you broke out of the dream and saved the world from me, she¡­ She didn¡¯t want to leave. As soon as she was back in reality she pursued romance to the expense of everything else. Accepting a male into her heart, giving her everything to him, even though she already knew that a man wasn¡¯t who she wanted. But she wanted a lover, any lover, and she also wanted to be a mother. Funnily enough¡­ I think I remember his dreams, too. He had a harem of femboys. He was very specific about them being femboys, not trans women. Put simply, he¡¯s gay, despite openly being homophobic and, well¡­ All of the bigotry related phobics, I guess. A lot of people were gay in their deepest fantasies, looking back. I think there might be more gay and transgender people than heteronormative people in this world. Maybe. In any case, the number is a lot higher than you might think. That aside, I¡­ To this day¡­ I still don¡¯t know how to tell her that I was the Monstra who gave her that dream. A part of me still¡­ Doesn¡¯t want her to get too close to me.¡±

    ¡°You¡¯re still plenty talkative, Lilly. But you¡¯re a lot calmer now..¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ Just been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say to you if we ever were to meet again, Ayano¡­ Now where¡­ Where was I¡­ Oh¡­ Right¡­ I guess¡­ I guess when I remembered her dream, and saw her pleading face, even though I still felt dead inside, the thought that she should stay with me entered my head. Daisy and Alice stayed for weeks¡­ Then months¡­ Then years¡­ She suggested we turn the cafe into a bed and breakfast. She insisted on an equal partnership in the running of the business. She wanted to work just as hard as I did, if not harder. I agreed to all of it. I gradually grew to like her being around. As Alice grew up, we didn¡¯t try to teach Alice that I was her Mommy¡­ For a while we used the word ¡®Auntie¡¯ or just ¡®Lilly¡¯. But she started calling us both Mommy all on her own. I began to really love Alice. She reminds me of¡­ The hope I left behind. I want her to be better than me.¡±

    ¡°You still have plenty of hope, Lilly. You¡¯re living a wonderful life.¡±

    ¡°Well, I¡­ It is wonderful, I suppose¡­ Did you know that a lot of your old maids came to visit me, even while they were still working for you? Beth came to visit me, shortly before I met Daisy. However, she moved away to do missionary work in Zeer. She sends me letters. She met someone special there, and I¡¯m happy for her¡­ Hugo and Lizzy still work at the manor, and they come see me, too. I even see Priscilla about three times a year. She¡¯s a prisoner, but you know the parole time you give her? Yeah, she uses it to come here and see us. We just tell Alice that she¡¯s very busy with work, to explain why she can¡¯t come by often¡­ Heh, Priscilla is a good family friend. Anyway, Yeah¡­ Maybe I shouldn¡¯t be complaining, you¡¯re right, I have a good life, and this is a me problem, as it usually is. But¡­ I sometimes feel a bit distant from Daisy. There¡¯s still guilt nagging at me at the back of my head. There¡¯s still you, too. In our most vulnerable moments¡­ I talk to her about my time with you. I try to explain it whilst leaving out the fact that I was the Monstra. It¡¯s difficult. I don¡¯t want her to think less of me. I don¡¯t want her to think that I don¡¯t love her and appreciate her, but¡­¡±

    ¡°But?¡±

    ¡°Seeing you, right now¡­ I know, in my heart of hearts¡­ I know that if you told me to bark, I¡¯d bark. I know that if you suggested running away together¡­ If I abandoned this bed and breakfast, and you abandoned your throne, and we travelled the world together, free of responsibility, I would¡­ I would say yes to that. Even if you don¡¯t have long left. Even if I would hurt them both so much that they would never take me back. Even if it would make me just like that scumbag who abandoned Daisy to begin with¡­ Even if that would return me straight to the cycle of despair that led me to try and¡­ Drown¡­ Myself. I¡­ I would still¡­ Take it¡­ Because that¡¯s my desire. Ayano, I¡­ You told me that love was special because it was ephemeral. That everything in life was special and should be cherished because it was finite. I convinced myself that was true, too. But whilst you may honestly believe that, and whilst what we ended led to wonderful new opportunities¡­ I¡¯m still sad that our eternity together ended. I still dream of those times in that cottage. I know you think differently, but to me, that love was no less meaningful just because it didn¡¯t have to end. I miss it.¡±

    Now it was Lilly¡¯s turn for tears to fall from her eyes. Ayano reached out her hand, taking Lilly¡¯s into her own.

    ¡°To be honest¡­ A part of me wants to return to our dream as well. I kind of want to run away with you, too. A part of me has always wanted that, even when I was trying to insist that no such part of me did. But I think you¡¯ve already realised it by now, haven¡¯t you?¡±

    ¡°Realised what?¡±

    ¡°That there are things in this world more important than desires. You know what that is, don¡¯t you?¡±

    ¡°...¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t you, Lilly?¡±

    ¡°... People. Responsibility. Restraint. Humility. Sacrifice. Self Respect. Empathy. Understanding.¡±

    ¡°Those things, Lilly? That¡¯s what love is. That¡¯s what romance truly is, the things that are so much more important than those intense feelings of infatuation. That heart of yours, begging for that eternity of bliss, begging for my love¡­ You will carry those yearnings within you until the day you die. But, ultimately, sometimes things come to an end no matter how hard you cling to them. And listen¡­ What you have now, Lilly¡­¡±

    ¡°... What I have now¡­ Is what I should hold on to, while I still can. I love them. I love them both. I love this community. I¡­ I love this life. I don¡¯t want to abandon them. I want to embrace love rather than cling to it. I want to be grateful for what I¡¯m gifted, for what you and Daisy and Alice and everyone has given me, rather than be upset that I wasn¡¯t given everything.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right. Now come here.¡±

    Ayano gently tugged on Lilly¡¯s hand, prompting the other woman to stand up, before pulling her onto her lap and bringing her into a gentle embrace, stroking her hair, letting Lilly¡¯s tears fall onto her shoulder, comforting her even as a waterfall fell down her own face. This was the first experience that had made Ayano cry in a very, very long time.

    ¡°I never thought¡­¡± Lilly sobbed after a few minutes of this hug, ¡°That I could ever learn to value the embrace of a friend like this.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ll hug you as much as you want, Lilly. I should have hugged you more, before and after the dream, when we had more time. I should have been a better friend to you. My last words¡­ I¡­ I still regret them deeply. I never should have called you a monster¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve¡­ Come to terms with the fact that you¡¯re a flawed person, Ayano. Perhaps even deeply flawed. I¡¯ve been trying my best to, uh, ¡®unforgive¡¯ you for the way you strung me along. For the things you¡¯ve said and done¡­ But back then I was in a bad state, so¡­ I can¡¯t really blame you for holding back with your affections. In fact, it may have been for the best that you didn¡¯t feed me such kindness. But, Ayano, I¡­ I have another question. Do you think I deserve this life? After everything I''ve done?"

    "... Don''t worry about whether or not you deserve it. Take what you have, and¡­ make something of it. Create happiness that you and everyone else around you can enjoy. This might be hypocritical coming from me, but, don''t worry about guilt and repentance. If you take care of yourself, you will naturally take care of the world in turn. Act as a vessel of love. That''s all that''s important."

    "Thank you Ayano. But¡­"

    "Yes?"

    "Are you a vessel for love?"

    "... My circumstances are different, but in my own way, yes. That''s my desire as Queen."

    "And I don¡¯t suppose you¡¯re ever going to find yourself a King¡­"

    ¡°Well¡­ No¡­ My love life is honestly-¡±

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to tell me,¡± Lilly interrupted, ¡°So long as you¡¯re happy, so long as you¡¯re surrounded by good people, so long as your life and your work feels meaningful, that¡¯s all that¡¯s important to me. If you have a special someone, I hope you¡¯re making each other feel good. If not, I hope you¡¯re happy all the same.¡±

    ¡°Thank you, Lilly¡­¡±

    "... There''s something else, Ayano¡­ I want¡­ To see you again¡­ I want to have¡­ These real conversations with you¡­ I want you to see just how wonderful Daisy and Alice really are¡­ I want you to be a part of their lives, too¡­¡±

    ¡°When I have the time, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Promise me you¡¯ll make the time.¡±

    ¡°... I will, Lilly.¡±

    ¡°Oh, Ayano¡­¡±

    An hour passed as they comforted each other like this. When they had had their fill, they laughed and finished their now cold curry and tea. They made small talk. Ayano vented to Lilly about all of her stories regarding nobles and high up officials who made Ayano¡¯s job a nightmare to deal with sometimes. An old fart with an obviously fake toupet buried in the texts of a religious book nobody else believed in was her major opponent preventing Ayano from legalising gay marriage. A few months ago another noblewoman had been outed for embezzling tax funds so that she could splurge on a solid gold toilet.

    In the afternoon they went to see a movie together, an eldritch mystery story telling an entirely fictitious account of how the Monstra came to be. It had the pair on the edge of their seats the whole time, even as they silently chuckled at the inaccuracies. A biopic of Ayano¡¯s life was already in production, posters of it were already put up everywhere in the theatre. They speculated and joked about how inaccurate that movie would be, too. Not that the filmmakers could be blamed- The truth was stranger than whatever fiction they could imagine, after all.

    They returned home just as Daisy was bringing Alice home from school. Daisy had spent all day shopping at the market, bringing back so many delicious ingredients and snacks. They closed the shop that night so that it would be just the four of them, Lilly and Daisy cooked Ramen whilst Alice told Ayano stories about school, about the boy she had a crush on, about how her teacher had praised her in art class, and about the bully who Ayano assured Alice just didn¡¯t know how to express the fact that she wanted to be Alice¡¯s friend.

    Over dinner they played board games and chatted. Daisy told everyone about the seller who had tried to charge her a premium for rotten produce, and how Daisy had loudly scolded and exposed the merchant right in the middle of the street for everyone to see. She told everyone about the ¡®crazy¡¯ woman she had encountered who insisted that Queen Ayano was in town *right now*, walking around as though she were a normal person. Everyone had a laugh over that, even Alice, who by now realised that she was talking to the Queen, but she didn¡¯t care one bit, treating Ayano just like an ordinary woman.

    They went to bed, Ayano snug and cosy in her own spacious room, sleeping on a normal bed, Alice in one adjacent room, Lilly and Daisy in the other. She heard Daisy and Lilly whispering for hours that night, exchanging kisses, sweet nothings, apologies and cute little compliments. As Ayano closed her eyes that night, there was the subtle tug of regret pulling at her heart, but for the most part, she was simply experiencing a profound sense of peace. A sense of certainty and comfort that she was pretty sure she had never truly felt before.

    And the following morning, it was time to go. She had enjoyed her stay, but there was still so much of her own country left to see. She was so happy that Lilly had found herself a slice of paradise. They all waved to each other, Lilly, Daisy, and Alice standing at the door of their establishment in the early hours of the morning, waiting until Ayano was finally, fully out of view before they stepped back inside.

    Ayano promised to herself that she would return to see them all at the next earliest opportunity. Her monthly ache coincidentally began right as she began her journey up to the manor, but for once, she didn¡¯t mind it. It was a good kind of ache. It reminded her not of how little time she had left, but of how far she had come.

    It¡¯s difficult to know when to let go and when to hold on. But so long as there is genuine love in your heart, happiness shall one day follow.

    THE END