《Niveous Days》 1. Welcome to the orphanage ON THIS WINTER NIGHT, I was standing in a park covered in snow in the blistering cold. The niveous breeze brushing over my face made each part of it slowly go numb. Along with one other thing that wasn''t exposed to the cold, but felt frozen the most. Far behind me, now, was a girl I used to know. She had silver-white hair with a small and cute face. She looked like an angel, was as kind as an angel¡ªshe truly was an angel. But the way we parted, on the other hand, was anything but divine. We had know each other ever since we were little. * * * Clapping twice to grab everyone''s attention, one of our orphanage''s caretakers, Tanaka, made an announcement. "Everyone, please welcome our new friend, Fuyuko." A girl nervously peeked out from behind Tanaka, clenching her dress. She bowed slightly, but said nothing. "Come on, introduce yourself to the rest." Tanaka gently whispered to her. The girl, whose name we already knew, tried her best to greet us. She opened her mouth trying to speak, but she froze, and lowered her head. Noticing that it was too much for Fuyuko, Tanaka introduced her in her stead. "Say hello to Fuyuko everyone! She''ll be staying with us for the time being. Be nice to her, alright?" "Hello Fuyuko!" Everyone said. Tanaka took her to her room, which she shared with Nomura. There was someone else who shared a room with her just a week before, but she had been adopted. When Tanaka returned, without Fuyuko, I walked up to her to ask her a few things. ¡°Tanaka, Tanaka! Who is this Fuyuko?¡± ¡°Hmm, are you curious?¡± I very earnestly nodded my head. ¡°Why don¡¯t you sit next to her when we¡¯ll eat dinner later, you¡¯ll have plenty of time to get to know her.¡± ¡°Alright,¡± I said, as I determinedly clenched my fists. I was always a very social being, I liked making friends with everyone, so that¡¯s what I did. Whenever someone new came to the orphanage, I¡¯d make sure that they at least had me to get along with. A little later that day, a delicious curry-scent wafted out of the opened kitchen door, all eight of us knew that it was time to eat. I was so hungry, and distracted by the tempting smell, that I forgot my mission; sitting next to Fuyuko and getting to know her. When I remembered, I scanned the chairs and noticed that she wasn¡¯t seated yet. I looked behind me, and there she was, holding her head down. She was slowly walking up to the empty chair next to me. ¡°Fuyuko! Please feel free to take this seat!¡± I didn¡¯t realise just how loudly I raised my voice when I said that. My volume aside, I stood up from my chair and pulled the empty one backwards like a true gentleman would. Tanaka has taught us all about politeness, I¡¯m quite the expert at it, you could say. I thought that was the right move, but Fuyuko''s hesitating steps came to halt as she froze on the spot. I realised I was being too pushy in my ''gentleman'' act, so I repeated what I said earlier in a much calmer and relaxed manner. ¡°Uh... Fuyuko, please feel free to take this seat.¡± ¡°A-alright,¡± her very soft, nearly inaudible voice said. Right when Fuyuko sat down, Nomura stole my seat. ¡°Huh?! Nomura, that¡¯s my seat.¡± She turned around, her black hair of shoulder length swayed back and forth while her mischievous eyes were staring into mine. Without losing eye contact, she took the fork next to my plate and slowly licked it. ¡°It¡¯s my seat now,¡± she snickered with a bright smile from ear to ear. ¡°Unless you still want to sit here? You can keep the fork.¡± I looked away and puffed the air out of my chest, ¡°You can keep it.¡± Her dominant ¡®what I lick is mine¡¯ technique always worked. When Hibino, our other caretaker, baked a cake a while before, there were two slices left after everyone had eaten one. Nomura used her infamous technique to claim not one, but both slices of the cake. Despite her annoying traits, she was still liked by all of us. She¡¯s annoying, yet funny and kind. Thinking that had me thinking about my own strong- and weak points. I sat down on the only chair left, right across Nomura, and continued pondering. The good things people said about me were: that I¡¯m friendly, kind, that I have good manners. I sort of came to the conclusion that all of those are quite identical. My bad things are¡­ that I talk too much. ¡°Hey Koji! Start eating already!¡± Nomura ordered. I did as she said and started eating. That day¡¯s dinner was the same as every Thursday; curry rice. While I was eating, I overheard the conversation in front of me. ¡°Fuyuko, how old are you?¡± After Nomura asked, it took a moment before she replied. Just as soft and inaudible as before, she said, ¡°Seven.¡± ¡°Oh~ You¡¯re seven years old, too!¡± She turned her eyes to mine. ¡°Hear that, Koji? She¡¯s the same age as us.¡± She and I were the oldest children in the orphanage, we¡¯ve both been there together as long as I can remember. I simply nodded to her comment. ¡°So, Fuyuko, where will you be going to school? Same as us?¡± Once again it took a good minute, ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Argh¡­ you don¡¯t know yet¡­ Here I was getting all excited about being classmates,¡± she sighed. ¡°For now I¡¯m stuck with this bore,¡± she looked at me while pointing her fork. ¡°Hey Nomura! Start eating already!¡± I mimicked the way she said it. Tanaka, at the head of the table, cleared her throat, ¡°Koji, be nice.¡± Like an arrow piercing through my heart, I felt defeated at her words. I¡¯ve just lost a few of my gentleman experience points. After eating dinner, and watching television, we all went to bed. I shared a room with Tatsurou, a small boy, yet only a year younger than me. The two of us slept in a bunk bed, he wanted the bottom bed because it would take less energy to get in and out of it. ¡°Tatsurou, are you curious about Fuyuko, too?¡± ¡°No.¡± Tatsurou¡¯s replies were always straightforward. He knew what he wanted to say and said that right away. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re never curious about others, right?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Does the same go for me?¡± There was no answer. I tightly held the railing of the bed and looked at the one underneath mine. He was staring at the bottom of my mattress, an empty stare. I thought I broke him. ¡°Tatsurou¡­?¡± ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know what you mean.¡± ¡°Well, when you said ¡®yeah¡¯ when I asked if you¡¯re never curious about others, does that include me too?¡± ¡°Yes and no. I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m not curious but I¡¯m not-not curious either.¡± ¡°I see. I am curious about everyone. Maybe a little too much.¡± ¡°Yeah, too much.¡± And you¡¯re too honest, I thought, but didn¡¯t say out loud. Someone knocked on the door and opened it, it was Tanaka. She slowly peeked through the gap between the wall and the door. The hall¡¯s light coming through the door travelled diagonally across the room, in a straight line to my face. She could surely see that my eyes were still opened. She waved and whispered, ¡°Good night,¡± then closed the door again. ¡°Good night, Tatsurou.¡± ¡°Night.¡± * * * The next morning we were all getting ready for school, everyone except Fuyuko. ¡°Do you think she¡¯ll be going to our school?¡± Nomura whispered while we were putting on our shoes in the hallway. ¡°No clue.¡± Atypical for me, my answers were as cut-throat as Tatsurou¡¯s. Cut-throat is the way Hibino always described it. I used it back then, too, even though I wasn¡¯t entirely sure that I got the meaning down, but that¡¯s how I always used hard words and phrases. Copy the adults and hope that I¡¯m right. ¡°I tried talking to her some more past bedtime, but she was sound asleep before Tanaka turned our lights off.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s what you¡¯re supposed to do,¡± I said like a know-it-all to annoy her. She aggressively ruffled my hair, messing it up entirely. ¡°I bet you never sleep before the lights are off, do you?¡± ¡°I bet you don¡¯t either,¡± I replied. She ruffled through it with even more power. Tanaka walked out of the living room¡¯s door, clapped in her hands and said, ¡°Everyone ready? Let¡¯s get going.¡± Our two youngest friends held her by the hand, the rest of us walked in front of her, Nomura and I leading the way. We were the oldest after all. Out of nowhere, Nomura started groaning. I looked at her, quite surprised. ¡°Huh¡­¡± ¡°I want Fuyuko to go to our school¡­¡± she drooped. ¡°Yeah, yeah, I get it already,¡± I said, like an old man would. We were still on our way to school, halted by a stoplight turned red. ¡°Koji,¡± she said, in a very serious tone. She turned her entire body around and looked me very deeply in the eyes. ¡°¡­What is it?¡± ¡°I have an idea.¡± Every time she said she had an idea, it ends up being something really ridiculous, or something that goes horribly wrong. ¡°I don¡¯t think I want to hear it¡ª¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go home again. Take off your clothes, give them to Fuyuko. Then we¡¯ll shave your hair and make a wig from it." She was doing hand gestures for everything she said. "That way Fuyuko can go to school disguised as you.¡± As expected, it was something really ridiculous, and if we were to actually go along with her plan, it would¡¯ve gone horribly wrong. ¡°No, thanks.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t get it, Koji, it¡¯s a win-win-win!¡± ¡°A win-win-win?¡± I asked. She nodded her head multiple times, ¡°Uh-huh! You¡¯ll get to skip school,¡± she held up her index finger, ¡°Fuyuko won¡¯t be lonely at home,¡± she held up her thumb as well, this was the count of two, the win-win part of the win-win-win. ¡°What¡¯s the third win?¡± I asked, going along with her explanation for no reason at all. She held up her middle finger along with the other two, ¡°I won¡¯t have to spend the day with you!¡± she said, full of excitement. The light turned green and we started walking again. ¡°Let¡¯s change your plan up¡ªFuyuko disguises herself as you. You get to stay home, she won¡¯t be lonely and I won¡¯t have to spend the day with you,¡± I fired back at her. To my own surprise she started laughing instead of coming up with something to say back at me. The rest of the walk was filled with chit-chat over nothing, as far as I can remember. We reached the school before I even realised. ¡°Alright, Koji, Nomura and Tatsurou, see you later,¡± Tanaka waved at us with a bright smile. Only the three of us went to that school. It¡¯s the one closest to the orphanage so we were dropped off first. We waved at the others as they went on their way to their school. ¡°Hey, Koji,¡± Nomura said. I heard a glimpse of teasing in her voice. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°We¡¯ve crossed all the roads, you can let go of my hand you know.¡± Because the walk went by so quickly, I completely forgot I was still holding her hand. I quickly retreated it, but still felt embarrassed. The only reason we held hands while walking down the street was to set a good example for our younger friends¡­ it would be even more embarrassing if one of our classmates had seen us. ¡°Hehe, you¡¯re getting all red!¡± she skipped away through the school gates while giggling. ¡°Embarrassing,¡± Tatsurou stated. I held my head in the palms of my hands, ¡°I know.¡± If only you were a year older, then I wouldn¡¯t have to hold Nomura¡¯s hand¡­ ever. * * * A short while later, all of us were sitting at our desks in the classroom. When our teacher, an old lady called Miss Satou, entered the room, we all greeted her with much enthusiasm. ¡°Good morning class,¡± she said while slowly walking to the centre of the blackboard. Once she stood there, she looked at everyone in the classroom. This is what she often did to leave us in suspense. What followed was always something exciting. ¡°Can any of you guess¡­ what I''m about to reveal this time?¡± she asked very mysteriously. ¡°Oh! I know, I know!¡± A classmate jumped up with his arm raised in the air, ¡°Since the sun is shining, all lessons will be scratched and we¡¯ll be allowed to play outside the entire day!¡± She chuckled after hearing that, ¡°Quite the fantasy you¡¯ve got, but that¡¯s not it. Next week, on Monday¡­¡± she paused for a second, building the suspense even more, ¡°Someone new will be transferring to our little school.¡± ¡°Ooooh~¡± the general reaction was quite positive. ¡°And that new person¡­ will be joining our class.¡± ¡°Woah!!¡± the positivity levels got multiplied by ten. ¡°Miss Satou! Is it a boy, or a girl?¡± She looked at the classmate posing the question, ¡°She¡¯s a girl.¡± I turned my head to Nomura. A new girl joining our class would mean¡ª If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Koji! Fuyuko is coming to our class! Woohoo!¡± For the rest of the day, everyone was talking about Fuyuko joining our class. The boys were disappointed that it wasn¡¯t a boy that would be joining us, while the girls were celebrating it as if it was their birthday. Which makes sense, since we outnumbered them, before it was eighteen to twelve, the week after it would be thirteen. During lunch break, I sneaked over to Tatsurou¡¯s classroom, I usually did this to avoid sharing my lunchbox with Nomura¡ªand getting nothing from hers in return. ¡°Hey, Tatsurou. Let¡¯s eat lunch together.¡± ¡°Escaping Nomura?¡± I did a big nod, letting my head hang down for a while, ¡°¡­Yup. Same as ever.¡± The two of us started eating. Even though both our lunch boxes were made by Hibino they were both very different. I had some extra omelette rolls while he had far more vegetables. I noticed him staring at my rolls. ¡°You¡¯ve been looking my at my lunchbox for a while now. Do you want to trade something?¡± ¡°Omelette roll.¡± ¡°Sure. Then¡­ can I take that?¡± I pointed to one of his many vegetables. ¡°Yes.¡± Conversations with him were very easy. Always quick paced and you instantly knew what he wanted to say because he didn¡¯t beat around the bush. ¡°Ah, I forgot to say, Fuyuko will probably be coming to my class.¡± ¡°Makes sense.¡± ¡°Yeah, there¡¯s only one other school nearby after all.¡± We continued eating¡ªwell, at least I did, he never stopped eating to speak. I on the other hand always did that, which is why I was often last to finish any meal we ate. ¡°I also think it was already decided. It was the very first thing that Miss Satou said to us this morning.¡± ¡°Could be.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s a little sad,¡± I flipped the conversation into another direction without really realising it, ¡°We¡¯re already seven, and you¡¯re six. We¡¯re getting old.¡± He didn¡¯t have his lightning fast answer ready. Also, he stopped eating for once. ¡°¡­We are.¡± from his tone it was hard to tell if he was posing a question or if he agreed with what I said. I have talked about this with him once before when it was time to sleep. He didn¡¯t respond back then, so he might¡¯ve fallen asleep. I said something without much meaning, yet I feel like it did have a lot of depth. ¡°Tatsurou. Being an orphan in Japan is really rare isn¡¯t it?¡± There aren¡¯t many, and from the few there are, not many get adopted either. There¡¯s this saying I remember, probably my earliest memory. It was a friend who was nearing adulthood, with no one who adopted him. I believe I was three years old at the time when he whispered, ¡°If you¡¯re not gone by five, you¡¯ll be stuck here for life.¡± Both of us¡ªalso Nomura and Fuyuko, too¡ªhad already passed that age a while ago. I continued eating lunch and dropped the conversation I accidentally started. During the remainder of the day the hype around our new classmate joining didn¡¯t settle down. Nomura was acting as if she knew everything about her, even though she knew about as little as I did. At the end of the school day, the three of us were waiting for Tanaka to return from kindergarten with the others. It never took long, because they were done a little earlier than us. The waiting time was pretty much Tanaka¡¯s travelling pace. ¡°There you are,¡± she delightfully said as she saw us. ¡°How was your day?¡± ¡°Great!¡± Nomura cheered, ¡°Fuyuko is coming with us on Monday, isn¡¯t she? Right? Right?¡± she was very desperately trying to knock an answer out of Tanaka. ¡°Hmm~ what makes you think that?¡± ¡°Miss Satou said a girl will be transferring on Monday. That girl has to be Fuyuko, right? Right?¡± Tanaka smiled and gently ruffled through Nomura¡¯s hair. She should try and learn to do it gently as well. ¡°Why don¡¯t you ask her about it? She¡¯s been waiting for you guys to return.¡± Nomura held her hands on the sides of her face, her jaw dropped wide open, ¡°Fuyuko has been waiting¡­ for me?!¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go home,¡± Tatsurou said. ¡°Right. Let¡¯s take our leave then.¡± Nomura looked at me with an ominous smile on her face. She held her arm out and bowed down like a prince you¡¯d see on TV. ¡°Would you please take my hand, princess Koji.¡± I turned my head to Tatsurou, ¡°Can you please walk with me?¡± I asked, but he was already holding someone else¡¯s hand. ¡°Koji, will you lead the way together with Nomura, please?¡± When Tanaka asks it like that, you really can¡¯t decline. She¡¯s the kind of person whose praise and affection you want to win over, similar to a teacher. Although that¡¯s not quite it. Perhaps a mother. I stretched out my arm and held Nomura¡¯s hand. ¡°Make sure to let go this time,¡± she teasingly whispered. I ignored her teasing and led the way. While we were walking through the streets of Shizuoka, on our usual route home, Tanaka said, ¡°Hold up, you two.¡± The both of us stopped walking and turned our heads around. ¡°At the next crosswalk, go left instead of crossing the road, alright?¡± I looked at Nomura, we both knew what that meant. ¡°Whoo-hoo!!¡± she cheered. My cheering was more internal, but I was as excited as she was. On our normal route, after crossing the road, it¡¯s pretty much a straight line home. But whenever we took a left turn there, there¡¯s only a single place we¡¯re possibly going to; the park. ¡°Wait, Tanaka, what about Fuyuko?¡± Nomura asked. She giggled, but didn¡¯t say a word. How mysterious. A few minutes later, we arrived at the park. ¡°The park!! We¡¯re here!¡± Nomura ran off to the playground in the park, probably headed to the swings. The rest of us were slowly headed there as well. ¡°Hmm-hm hmmm hm,¡± Tatsurou was softly humming. Even though he doesn¡¯t show his excitement in his facial expression, nor in his words, he can¡¯t help but hum when he¡¯s happy. ¡°Hey, Hibino, we¡¯ve just arrived,¡± Tanaka was on the phone, ¡°Great, we¡¯ll be there in a minute.¡± She put her phone in her bag again and reoccupied her hands with those of our little friends. When we entered the playground, Nomura was already going crazy on the swings, Hibino waved at us, seated down on a bench, but Fuyuko was nowhere to be seen. As curious as ever, I walked up to Hibino and asked her, ¡°Hibino, Hibino! Where is Fuyuko?¡± ¡°She¡¯s exploring the park, why don¡¯t you give her a little tour?¡± I did my signature determined fist clenching and said, ¡°Alright, I¡¯m on it.¡± I started wandering around the park, following the main path with no clue where she could be. As determined as I was, I still got easily distracted. First I saw a nice looking butterfly flying over the bushes and flowers. Like a clueless dog, I started chasing it. Then, when I lost sight of it, I came across a real dog. The owner was sitting on a bench, holding the leash with one hand and ice cream in his other. I guess that grown ups like sweets just as much as we kids do, huh. I kneeled down in front of the dog, who was wagging its tail. ¡°¡­Can I pet it?¡± I asked. The owner, a middle-aged man in a business suit, turned his head around, ¡°Sure, go ahead.¡± ¡°Thank you very much!¡± I said. Thanking people when they agree to your requests is the most basic form of politeness, yet it¡¯s one of the most important ones. This, too, little me was taught by Tanaka and Hibino. I petted the dog all over. ¡°Is it a boy or a girl?¡± ¡°Boy.¡± Woah, is this Tatsurou from the future? I thought to myself. When I scratched the dog behind his ears he looked overjoyed and jumped on my shoulders with his front paws. I tried to pet him, but his weight pushed on my shoulders made gravity pull me down to the ground. ¡°Ha-ha, that tickles!¡± I said as he licked the side of my face. I got back up on my feet and used my sleeves to wipe my face clean¡ªas clean as seven-year-old me considered clean. ¡°You seem to be in good spirits,¡± the man said. ¡°Yeah, seeing you eat ice cream made me extremely happy. Now I know that when I¡¯m old, I will like sweets just as much as I do now.¡± ¡°¡­Old?!¡± As polite a kid I was, I had yet to figure out that telling the blunt truth could hurt someone¡¯s feelings. Of course no one would lay it on a kid for telling the truth. That¡¯s why ¡¯the truth comes out from the children¡¯s mouth¡¯ is a saying after all. ¡°Oh, I forgot, I need to go find Fuyuko. Sir, thank you for letting me pet your dog. Bye-bye!¡± I ran off, back on the main path going through the park. This time, surely, I won¡¯t get distracted. A good minute later, I saw a cat walking off the path into the bushes. I got distracted again. I followed it into the bushes, but couldn¡¯t see it anywhere. ¡°Hello? Are you there?¡± The cat didn¡¯t respond. When I turned around, I couldn¡¯t see the way back to the main path anymore. I¡¯ve never been that good with coordination and I turned around so much that I didn¡¯t have a clue where I could¡¯ve possibly come from. The grass beneath me was too short to see where I¡¯d already stepped. The bushes, I walked around most of them, so little to no trace to find a way back there either. Well, anything is better than standing still, I thought. I took a stick lying on the ground and planted it into the ground. Then I took another one, planted it as well and bent it in the direction I was headed towards next. If I ended up walking in circles, at least I would still know where I¡¯ve already been. I started walking forward, and quickly came to a clearing. Good, I found my way out, I thought, but there was no path to be seen. I had been to that park many, many times, yet this spot I had never seen before. Since I knew this surely wasn''t the way back to the main path, I decided to walk back. However, right when I turned back, I saw the cat again. This time it hopped into a bush a little farther away at my right hand side. I wanted to walk back the same way I came here, but my instincts told me to follow the cat. Which was definitely not a good thing, since that¡¯s the reason why I ended up here in the first place. As rational I could be at times, nothing beats my levels of curiosity, and I ended up following the cat once again. Though this time, it happened to be the right decision. Walking through the trees and bushes brought me back to the path, on a different side than which I initially came from. What, or rather who, I saw there, sitting on the large, lone tree. The sun shining through the leaves, making her divine wings glow. A halo atop her long and smooth silver-white hair. The next step I took broke a stick on the ground. The angel turned her head. ¡°Fuyuko¡­¡± the quiet words carried by the breeze somehow reached her ears. ¡°¡­Hello.¡± For a good second I didn¡¯t do anything but stare. So did she. Until she turned away again, and climbed down the tree. Little did I know back then that Nomura went looking for her as well. She saw my in-awe display. Fuyuko was almost down on the ground. I walked closer to the tree. ¡°Do you do that a lot, climbing in trees?¡± Her head was slightly tilted down, ¡°¡­Only sometimes.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you get scared being so high in the air?¡± ¡°¡­No,¡± for the first time, she raised her head and met my eyes, ¡°I like it¡­ being high in the air. It makes me feel¡­ free.¡± ¡°Free, huh.¡± My mind exited the conversation and went into pondering mode. Free. What did that mean? To her, and to me. Being free high up in a tree, the breeze bringing your head to ease. The tree, an aerial throne, where you get lost in thought all on your own. Solitude, calm and truly being free, perhaps she could only experience that up in that tree. What does it mean to me, I wondered. I thought about it, as hard as I could for the mere seconds I was giving it my time. I came to the conclusion that I¡¯m never free, since I never felt captivated; I¡¯m never free and I¡¯m always free. Would being free bear the same value if you weren¡¯t captivated to begin with? ¡°Fuyuko¡­ are you alright?¡± Her eyes widened in surprise after I asked that. If she would climb up a tree to feel free, that meant she must¡¯ve been captivated by something. Of course my thoughts weren¡¯t this thoroughly thought out back then, but I did reach that conclusion¡ªand I did ask her that question. ¡°¡­I wonder if I am,¡± she said, she closed her eyes and deeply inhaled, ¡°For now, I am¡­ Thank you.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s head back to the playground, okay?¡± I was meant to give her a tour of the park, but ended up spending way too much time looking for her. Though, in the end, this meant a lot more than a tour through a park we would regularly visit ever could. Dinner, TV, a one-sided conversation with Tatsurou and a good night¡¯s sleep. That¡¯s how that day came to a close. That day was truly beautiful and remains as one of my most vivid memories of the past. A girl I used to know, one I still do, a guy that listened to my babbling and two of the ladies that shaped me into the man I am today. All of them made an appearance on one of my favourite days in my life. What a nice day that was. 2. Angel on the tree A MONTH HAD PASSED since that moment. Fuyuko transferred to our class and quickly became closer friends with Nomura. I thought this meant I could try eating lunch in my own classroom again, but I was horribly wrong. From across the room I could hear Nomura complaining about how boring the lessons had been that day. ¡°Don¡¯t you think so, too, Fuyuko?¡± she asked her, stretching her arms over the width of the desk. Fuyuko simply smiled at her dramatic display. The two of them sat across one another at Nomura¡¯s desk. I sat all the way in the back of the classroom, so as long as Nomura wouldn¡¯t turn around, she wouldn¡¯t have noticed me. Though there was something I hadn¡¯t taken into account. Fuyuko kept glancing at me. I was never eating in the classroom after all, so seeing me there must¡¯ve provoked the thought that I was in a fight with Tatsurou or something like that. ¡°Whatd¡¯ya keep looking at?¡± Nomura said as she turned around, her eyes falling into mine the very moment she did. ¡°Oh~ Koji! That¡¯s rare, you being here and all that.¡± She instantly teleported over to my desk. ¡°Want to eat lunch together?¡± ¡°Our ideas of eating lunch together aren¡¯t the same,¡± I said, leaning away from her peering face. ¡°Huh? Don¡¯t be so cold¡­ Come on, Fuyuko, let¡¯s eat at his desk.¡± She shoved the unoccupied desk next to mine closer and took their chairs. She sat down in the one in front of me, Fuyuko sat down next to her. ¡°So, Koji, have you thought about it already?¡± I had a hunch what she was trying to get at, but didn¡¯t want to jump to conclusions, ¡°Thought about what?¡± ¡°The future,¡± she replied, Tatsurou-like. ¡°I haven¡¯t.¡± I did the same. ¡°You neither, huh¡­ then only Fuyuko has a clue.¡± I was surprised to hear that, and said, ¡°She does?¡± to Nomura, instead of asking, ¡°You do?¡± to Fuyuko. ¡°Yeah, but I¡¯m not supposed to tell anyone about it.¡± The two of us were having this conversation right next to the person in question. ¡°¡­Nomura.¡± It was only at the sound of her embarrassed voice that the two of us realised how silly we were. ¡°Sorry, sorry¡­ But it¡¯s okay if it¡¯s Koji, right?¡± Was that a good or a bad thing? ¡°Well anyway, as punishment.¡± She took an omelette roll out of my lunch box and fed it directly to Fuyuko¡¯s mouth, ¡°Here you go. Will you forgive me?¡± ¡°That was my omelette roll, though.¡± ¡°Anyway, let¡¯s use this lunch break to think about our future!¡± A week prior, we were asked by Hibino what we want to do when we¡¯re grown-ups. When this same question was asked a while back in class, there would be answers like; teacher, police officer, firefighter, nurse¡ªoccupations everyone was familiar with. Though, even as a young kid, I had no interest in any of those. The occupation I was most grateful for were caretakers at orphanages. But I¡¯d never see myself working the jobs Tanaka and Hibino had. ¡°Let¡¯s start with you, Nomura,¡± I proposed. ¡°What are things you like to do now?¡± ¡°Hmmm, let¡¯s see,¡± she held her finger on her lips and looked up at the ceiling. ¡°I like playing in the park. Oh, I also like baking¡ª¡± ¡°Let me stop you right there,¡± I interrupted. ¡°You¡¯ve never baked a thing in your life!¡± ¡°That¡¯s not true¡­ I often help Hibino out when she¡¯s making sweets!¡± ¡°Your sense of helping out isn¡¯t helping anyone out¡­ all you do is eat the ingredients.¡± ¡°Well, that might be true¡­ but¡­¡± she was trying to defend herself, but failed doing so, ¡°I still like baking, maybe I¡¯ll give it a real try next time.¡± ¡°That sounds more like it,¡± I said, as my way of approval. ¡°You sound like an old man¡­¡± Fuyuko started giggling. The cute noise the angel made, made the both of us stop our quarrel and look at her. ¡°Ah¡­ I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± Fuyuko said. ¡°What? Why are you apologising? She grabbed her in her arms, ¡°Argh, you¡¯re too cute!¡± I continued eating. ¡°So, what about you?¡± Nomura asked while casually eating out of my lunch box¡ªthis is her perception of eating lunch together. ¡°I don¡¯t know. There are a lot of things I sort of like, but there¡¯s nothing that sticks out as something I love. I think I want to find it¡­ something I can be addicted to.¡± Addicted, a word with a negative undertone, but truly, it doesn¡¯t have to be. The same guy who said, ¡®If you¡¯re here by five, you¡¯ll stay for life¡¯ was certainly what you would call addicted. He was addicted to reading books, which in return made him one of the most knowledgeable individuals I¡¯ve met in my life. At least, that¡¯s what I believe, since I had only known him when I was very young. Yet, that was enough to see his genius in action. He was eloquent, always seemed to have a solution for complex problems and scored really well at school. His sense of addiction is something I had always admired, the positive kind. ¡°Addicted, that¡¯s a bad thing, right?¡± Nomura asked. ¡°Most of the times I think.¡± ¡°Yeah, like smoking and drinking. Is that what you want to do?¡± ¡°Of course not,¡± I quickly replied. ¡°I want to find something that I want to do so badly, that nothing can stop me from doing that thing¡ªin a good way.¡± ¡°¡­Like a passion?¡± This time it was Fuyuko who asked me a question. ¡°A passion, yeah, that¡¯s it! I want to find my passion.¡± ¡°Woah, interesting!¡± Nomura noted. ¡°Why don¡¯t you talk about your passion, Fuyuko?¡± "Nomura...¡± She looked away, all embarrassed again. ¡°Just say it already, you¡¯re so good at it! Sooner or later he¡¯ll find out anyway, that you wanna be a singer¡ª¡± She held her hands on her mouth, shutting herself up a little too late. I was in shock once again and asked, ¡°She wants to be a singer?¡± to Nomura instead of asking Fuyuko, ¡°Do you want to be a singer?¡± instead. ¡°¡­Yeah she does!¡± ¡°¡­Yeah I do.¡± Both replies came at the same time. One full of energy, the other one rather embarrassed. ¡°That¡¯s amazing!¡± That day we made a promise. ¡°Maybe we¡¯ll find our passion in music, too,¡± Nomura said. Like the na?ve children we were. ¡°We could pick an instrument and become the world¡¯s best musicians!¡± ¡°Yeah! Oh~ I want to play the piano!¡± Nomura declared. ¡°I wonder what I want to play¡­¡± The world¡¯s best. Yeah, right. ¡°¡­We could go to an instrument store with Tanaka or Hibino,¡± Fuyuko suggested. ¡°Good idea! Think the four of us could carry my new piano home?¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t get one that easily,¡± I shot her hopes and dreams down, ¡°but maybe we could earn an instrument as gifts.¡± I wonder what our lives would look like now had we not had that one conversation. ¡°It¡¯s a promise! We¡¯ll earn them as gifts, practise like crazy and then, before we know it, we¡¯ll be the world¡¯s best musicians!¡± I truly wonder. * * * ¡°Tanaka!¡± After school, Nomura called out to her when she was still far into the distance. ¡°Let¡¯s go to an instrument store!¡± she yelled out, which Tanaka obviously couldn¡¯t hear. When she neared, she said her usual, ¡°There you are,¡± with a warm smile. ¡°Tanaka! Can we go to an instrument store?¡± ¡°Hm? Where did that suddenly come from, did you have music class at school today?¡± Nomura shook her head, ¡°We made a promise! We¡¯re gonna become the world¡¯s best musicians!¡± ¡°Really? I¡¯ll be rooting for you guys,¡± she said with a smile like she always did, but surely she didn¡¯t think we¡¯d actually become the world¡¯s best. She ended up agreeing to visit an instrument store the following weekend, under one rule; no shopping, just looking. If we were just handed an instrument, which could get quite expensive, then the others would find that unfair, as stubborn as Nomura could be, that much she understood. When the weekend finally rolled around, all of us were beyond excited. There weren¡¯t any stores near us, so we had to take the bus for the first time in a long while. ¡°I¡¯m sitting next to Fuyuko!¡± Nomura loudly announced, while giving me a look of superiority. ¡°I was going to sit next to Tanaka anyway.¡± We had little sibling-like quarrels all the time, it was pretty routine for Tanaka, and by now, for Fuyuko as well. We arrived and Nomura hastily threw open the door. The little bell hanging above the door jingled, letting the owner know that customers had arrived. A young man appeared through a curtain behind the counter. ¡°Welcome,¡± he said with a slight bow, which we returned. The store itself didn¡¯t really move me. It was an old store with a bunch of instruments lined up that didn¡¯t really grab my attention. ¡°Please welcome to the stage, Nomura!!¡± she announced herself as if she was a popstar right before playing the most tone deaf tune on the piano any human has ever created. ¡°That¡¯s enough, Nomura, let¡¯s take a look at the other instruments, alright?¡± Is what Tanaka said, but surely she meant, ¡°Please don¡¯t touch a piano ever again.¡± ¡°Nomura,¡± I called out to her. ¡°Hm? What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Can you try this next, please?¡± I asked as I handed her a saxophone. She waved to the storekeeper and asked if it was alright to play. When she got the green light, she blew into the instrument with all her might. All of us put our fingers in our ears, both left and right shut tight. It¡¯s clear that neither the piano, nor the sax career will take flight. ¡°Man, I need an instrument where I can just go ham on, like badum-badum-badum,¡± she wildly threw her hands in the air. ¡°¡­Like a drum?¡± Fuyuko asked. Nomura¡¯s eyes instantly lit up, ¡°Yeah! The drums! That¡¯s the instrument I wanna play!¡± While she was having her euphoric moment, I went back to walking around in the store. Not moved by anything. This wasn¡¯t close to what we would see on a TV show, where a character would walk into a store like this, see an instrument, instantly fall in love with it. Then, for the next years of their life, they¡¯ll keep visiting the store until they have enough money to buy it. While I was having my pessimistic; this is nothing like TV moment, I unconsciously stopped walking. I slowly tilted my little head up and saw a beautiful red guitar hanging on the wall. Right when I was slandering TV in my head, my TV-moment happened a second later. This is the one, I thought. But unlike the tropes in shows and movies, I couldn¡¯t wait another second to have that thing in my hands. I slowly walked up to Tanaka and asked her to follow me. A minute later the both of us were staring at it. I opened my mouth, but right when the words were about to come out, I got stopped in my tracks. ¡°Remember what I told you guys, no shopping, just looking.¡± I knew, and like Nomura, I understood. Yet my desperation activated my bargaining-mode. ¡°Then, the next time we get gifts¡­ can I get this guitar?¡± She sighed, then ruffled my hair, ¡°I knew it would come to this¡­¡± I thought surely that was a no, but, ¡°I¡¯ve already talked to Hibino about it. Everyone will be getting a present during summer break. If by then, you still really, really want it, then it will be our gift to you. Sounds like a deal?¡± ¡°Yeah! Thank you so much!¡± ¡°Be sure to thank Hibino as well when we¡¯re home.¡± The results of that day were; my sudden interest in playing the guitar, Nomura¡¯s destined instrument, the drums and Fuyuko who ended up tagging along with Nomura¡¯s instrument quest. * * * When about two months had passed, and my interest in that guitar hadn¡¯t faded a bit¡ªin fact, only increased¡ªit was at last time for summer break. I had been constantly plaguing Tatsurou about how badly I wanted my small hands on that guitar. I also told him about our promise to become the world¡¯s best musicians, but he seemed to have little interest in such a dreamy promise. ¡°Good luck with that¡± is what he said. Even though he was uninterested in participating, I felt that he truly was rooting for us. On the Saturday after our last day at school we were already headed to the store. This time it was me who hastily opened the door, with a little less noise compared to the always-loud Nomura. The bell jingled, the shopkeeper greeted us and I was off to the guitars. From this point onward, I didn¡¯t rush it, because I wanted to make this moment as special as possible. I slowly walked through the aisle where at the end, around the corner, my guitar was hanging on the wall. At a turtle¡¯s pace I was scanning the other instruments in that isle, as if I was a real music connoisseur. Every few steps, I would turn my head towards a random thing in the aisle. Ah, what a fine Marshall guitar amp. When I got to the end of the aisle, I slowly raised my little head again. Finally being reunited with my destined instrument, the red guitar. Though this time, when I raised my head with a smile as smug as it gets, the red guitar didn¡¯t captivate my attention as it did last time, the guitar wasn¡¯t there. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. I tried not to panic, the shopkeeper might¡¯ve placed it elsewhere. I walked around the store again, this time I dropped my slow-pace act and walked around as fast as I could. In the end, no matter how many laps I walked around the store, it wasn¡¯t there. ¡°¡­Are you alright, Koji?¡± Fuyuko asked. I failed to hide my panicking expression, yet recovered, ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine¡­¡± ¡°Are you looking for the guitar?¡± she asked. I was a little surprised that she got that right, but I guess it wasn¡¯t hard to tell, ¡°I was, but it¡¯s not here.¡± She smiled, almost like Tanaka would, and gently grabbed me by my arm, leading the way to the counter, where Tanaka was talking to the shopkeeper. ¡°Hm? What¡¯s wrong?¡± she asked, either me or Fuyuko, but neither of us replied in words. ¡°¡­Koji?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go look for it one more time,¡± I said. When Tanaka noticed my strange behaviour, she smiled. Through that smile I instantly was transmitted her ¡®life doesn¡¯t always go your way¡¯ lecture. But I was wrong. ¡°I saw you peacefully walking around the store, so I thought I¡¯d let you be. I didn¡¯t realise you were panicking when I let you get out of sight,¡± once again, she was ruffling my hair in a comforting manner. ¡°There was no need to panic, Koji. I already asked the shopkeeper to put it aside for you a while ago, since you wanted it so badly.¡± ¡°Really?¡± all the life that had been sucked out of me returned in that moment. Surely my eyes must¡¯ve been glistening just as wonderfully as my unforgettable, red guitar was¡ªmy first guitar, of luckily, many more. Nomura chose a drum-set that would be delivered to our house shortly after. Fuyuko ended up being the one choosing the keyboard. Though her voice was an instrument in and of itself, as Nomura always claimed. * * * That summer, all of three of us tried our very best at getting to know our instruments. ¡°Bad,¡± Tatsurou said, after I lent his ear for my horrendous guitar performance. The first few minutes together with my guitar were spent fooling around with the strings, seated on the ground and having Tatsurou as my audience. I had laughed at Nomura¡¯s piano tune before, but it sure bit me back hard when I first picked up the guitar. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll need to practise a ton more. Sorry that you¡¯ll have to deal with that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright.¡± ¡°By the way, what did you end up choosing for your gift?¡± ¡°This.¡± He pulled out a gaming console from underneath his pillow and started humming as he showed me. ¡°Woah, looks nice. Did I interrupt you by busting in with my guitar?¡± ¡°No, I stopped because I wanted to listen.¡± I was a little taken aback by his cut-throat honesty, in a refreshing manner this time. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve been going on and on about it these past few weeks,¡± I said, scratching the back of my neck. Later that day, in the room next doors, I heard the most incompatible instrumentals¡­ ever. Nomura¡¯s energetic passion was apparrent through the sound of her music, so was the gentle and soft side of Fuyuko present in the sound of her keyboard. The two of them together, however, were the very definition of a cacophony. With my guitar on my back, I knocked on their door. That was the first time I did since Fuyuko started living there. ¡°Come in~¡± Nomura melodically said. ¡°It¡¯s me,¡± I said as I opened the door. ¡°Oh~ Koji! It¡¯s been ages since you came to my room.¡± She seemed full of joy, Fuyuko, too, smiled at my entrance. I took a seat on the floor and asked, ¡°Can I be a part of your noisy performance?¡± ¡°Sure!¡± Nomura grabbed her drumsticks and tapped them together a few times before going bananas. Fuyuko followed her lead and started gently playing her keyboard. I plunged into the cacophony as well and played the strings of my guitar to my heart''s content, not caring at all how terrible we sounded. But for a short, fleeting moment all three of us fell in tune. We stopped right after. ¡°That¡­ was pretty alright wasn¡¯t it?!¡± ¡°...I think so, too.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go again.¡± This time, we started off better than the last, but we didn¡¯t reach our three seconds of harmony again. ¡°Maybe it will go better if Fuyuko leads,¡± Nomura suggested. ¡°And maybe try singing as well." There it was again, that hint of teasing in her voice. ¡°¡­Okay.¡± To both Nomura¡¯s and my surprise, she actually agreed. She started gently introducing the sound of her keyboard again. For the first few notes, both me and Nomura kept quiet. I joined in with some low repetitive notes of my guitar, then Nomura tapped in with a single tap on her drums about every second. It didn¡¯t sound good by any means, but we were quite in sync. At the pinnacle of our harmony, Fuyuko brought heaven to earth with the majestically divine singing voice of hers. She wasn¡¯t singing any words, ¡°Na-na nana naaa~¡± The angelic tune rang in my ears, without noticing it, my guitar came to a halt, so did Nomura¡¯s drums. Her keyboard solo, accompanied by her singing, was left. At that moment I knew that if one of us were to make it to the big stage¡ªone of the world¡¯s best¡ªthen surely, it must¡¯ve been her. A pure, clear voice that gently fluttered its way into my eardrums. As short as it lasted, I knew that if I wanted to keep up, I had to seriously increase my guitar-game. * * * In that same summer, all three of us took lessons for our respective instruments. Our classes took place in the same building, but only mine and Fuyuko¡¯s started, and ended, at the same time. ¡°¡­Koji.¡± It was getting late, the two of us had just finished our classes and were on our way home. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°I think¡­ you¡¯ve changed a little.¡± I panicked a little upon hearing that. ¡°In a good way, or a bad way?¡± She giggled a little and reassuringly said, ¡°In a good way.¡± So, I¡¯ve changed, huh¡­ ¡°There¡¯s this sparkle in your eyes,¡± she said. ¡°When you¡¯re playing the guitar¡­ it looks to me as if you¡¯re free.¡± Free, the same word she used after climbing up that tree. ¡°What about you?¡± I asked. ¡°Are you free when you¡¯re playing the piano?¡± ¡°Not really.¡± Unusually, her answer came very quickly, instead of the usual delay. I wanted to further ask her about it, but she beat me to it and continued, ¡°I don¡¯t feel free when I¡¯m playing the piano, but when I¡¯m singing¡­ it¡¯s the same as being high up in the air.¡± I didn¡¯t fully understand what she meant, and she couldn¡¯t explain the magical feeling with words. She told me that as long as I¡¯m passionate about playing the guitar, as long as I have this sparkle in my eyes, I¡¯ll be free. * * * ¡°It¡¯s hot,¡± Tatsurou said, late at night. I was surprised he was still awake, since he usually falls asleep because of my rambling. ¡°Want me to open the window?¡± ¡°Please do.¡± I climbed down the ladder, partially opened the curtains and then opened the window. The night breeze instantly had a cooling effect in the room. I put my hands at the bottom of the window frame and leaned out the window. ¡°Ah, so refreshing,¡± I whispered. In the next second I felt that awkward sensation going down my spine, that sensation you feel when someone¡¯s looking at you. It couldn¡¯t be Tatsurou, otherwise I would have been feeling it the entire time, I looked beneath the bottom of the roof, but there was no one there. Was I just imagining it? I tried ignoring the sensation. ¡°¡­Koji?¡± I wasn¡¯t imagining it. I turned my head to the right, there my eyes met hers, she was sitting on the side of the roof. ¡°¡­Fuyuko?¡± ¡°Um¡­ good evening¡­¡± ¡°Good e¡ªwait no, what are you doing on the roof?¡± She looked up at the night sky, at the full moon, ¡°I just thought it must be sort of like the tree in a way. High up in the air.¡± ¡°Do you do this a lot, climbing on top of the roof?¡± She softly chuckled, probably because I asked the exact same question when I saw her in the tree. ¡°No, this is the first time actually.¡± ¡°Huh¡­ so why now?¡± ¡°I opened the window to cool off, then I crawled out and sat on the roof.¡± ¡°You¡¯re a strange one,¡± I let the words slip out of my mouth. She turned her gaze back on the moon, ¡°¡­I believe I am.¡± To break the awkwardness that I had caused, I asked her, ¡°Do you feel free here, too? On the roof.¡± She thought about it for a second, closed her eyes when the wind turned gusty and sent her hair flying. Even at night, it looked as if she was radiating angelic light. ¡°¡­I¡¯m not sure. It feels different from climbing trees.¡± ¡°Maybe I should try climbing in a tree sometime,¡± I had said those words for the sole sake of saying them, but it stirred up Fuyuko¡¯s excitement. ¡°That sounds like a great idea! Why don¡¯t we climb up a tree tomorrow?¡± ¡°Ah, um¡­ sure.¡± The night breeze was getting chillier than before, this was a little too much of a good thing. ¡°It¡¯s getting cold, I think I¡¯ll go back to bed,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ll do so, too. Good night.¡± ¡°Good night.¡± I left the window slightly opened, closed the curtains and climbed back to bed. On the ladder, Tatsurou asked, ¡°Been talking to yourself?¡± ¡°To Fuyuko¡­ you could clearly hear me, right?¡± ¡°Joking.¡± I sighed, ¡°I thought you fell asleep again as you always do, anyway, good night.¡± ¡°Night.¡± I quickly fell asleep after that. The following morning, all of us were headed to the park. This meant I could try to feel free by climbing on a tree with Fuyuko. During breakfast that morning I had already asked Nomura if she wanted to try climbing a tree as well, but unexpectedly, she¡¯s afraid of heights. It wasn¡¯t necessarily strange to be afraid of heights, but the speed at which she admitted it was so quick, that the fear must be pretty intense. ¡°Alright everyone, don¡¯t go too far, Hibino and I will be sitting here.¡± I always wondered what adults did at the playground instead of playing. Surely they wanted to go down the slide and rock back and forth on the swings, too. But I was wrong, this wasn¡¯t like the ice cream. Some things only have a certain time and place to be enjoyed. Knowing this now, I might¡¯ve wished I played a ton more in the playground during the time I enjoyed that. Nomura, as usual, was on the swings. She said she¡¯ll cover for us in case Tanaka or Hibino asks us where we are. Surely they wouldn¡¯t be happy knowing we¡¯re climbing up a tree. ¡°Thanks Nomura, we¡¯ll be back soon.¡± The two of us sneaked out of the playground through the trees and walked in a straight line from our starting point all the way to the tree where I had seen her that time. It was rather easy to get there if you didn¡¯t take the main path, like I did. ¡°¡­Are you ready?¡± ¡°Yeah, will you be going first?¡± ¡°¡­Alright.¡± She took a few steps backwards, ran and jumped on the tree. From where she was now, she climbed upwards, branch by branch. Next it was my turn. I copied her and sat down next to her on a tick branch. ¡°So¡­ how do I feel free now?¡± ¡°Well¡­ maybe try closing your eyes?¡± I did as she said and closed my eyes. Losing the concentration of my sense of vision made room for my focus to fall onto my other senses. I smelled the refreshing scent of nature, being flown into my nose by the breeze¡ªgently brushing over my face and my hair. I opened my eyes again, ¡°I¡¯m more calm than before¡­ but when do you feel free?¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s hard to say, since I already do.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but let an ¡°oooh¡± escape my mouth, ¡°So you already do, huh¡­¡± For the next few seconds, we sat on the tree in silence. I looked down beneath my shoes and saw just how high up we were. No wonder Nomura was scared of this, it would¡¯ve hurt a ton if we were to fall off from this height. ¡°So¡ª¡± I started speaking again, ¡°You said you feel free when you¡¯re singing, too, right?¡± She nodded. ¡°Then what happens if you sing while sitting on a tree?¡± Her eyes widened, she probably hadn¡¯t thought of this yet. ¡°¡­I¡¯ll try it.¡± ¡°You will?¡± My surprised response came a little too quickly. She looked a little uneasy, but determined all the same. She held her fist up, in front of her mouth and cleared her throat, ¡°I¡¯ll only do it if you look away¡­ It¡¯s embarrassing.¡± ¡°Alright, I will,¡± I turned my head towards the big tree trunk. After a little hesitation, it was there again. The sound that gave my entire body chills. This girl sitting next to me didn¡¯t only look like an angel, she was as gentle as an angel, too and to top all of that off, she had the singing voice of an angel as well. When I broke my promise of not looking and turned around, I saw it. A real angel. Her silver-white hair gently swayed by the rhythm of the wind, her cheeks were slightly pinkish-red¡ªshe was embarrassed after all. Her eyes were still shut, and her legs were swinging at the beat of her singing. And I swear, I could see the fluffy feathers of her angel wings growing. If she spread them, surely I would¡¯ve fallen out of the tree. Then her singing stopped. ¡°¡­I told you not to look, right,¡± she said, completely embarrassed. 3. Dear Koji — Youre alive, right?
Dear Koji, How is everyone doing? The guitar lessons going good? I¡¯m sure they are, you¡¯re so determined after all. I was gonna hide it, but I¡¯ve come to terms with it¡­ I quit the drums¡­ But don¡¯t worry!! I¡¯ll try my super-duper best to pick another instrument. Making music with you and Fuyuko was such a blast, I can¡¯t wait to visit you guys again. This time with my brand new instrument (that I have yet to find). Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your guitar! Bye-bye for now Nomura
¡®Nomura¡¯ I used to hate seeing that name written at the bottom of all the letters she sent me. In September, after that summer break, Nomura got adopted. Every time someone got adopted at our orphanage, I was always 90% happy. I was genuinely happy for the ones that got chosen by wonderful parents¡ªfinally getting the love they¡¯ve long deserved. I truly felt that way. Yet, all the same, I was 10% sad. Sad that it wasn¡¯t me. Am I not good enough? Do I lack what it takes to be a good son? Or perhaps, I don¡¯t deserve it. 90 to 10. That¡¯s how it always was, except this time. When we heard that the Nomura family wanted to adopt Emi, I was devastated. 0 to 100, that was my happy to sad ratio. Why did it have to be her? This time it wasn¡¯t even about me not being picked, it was about Nomura leaving us. She became so proud of her new last name, that she pretty much dropped her first name, Emi, and introduced herself as just Nomura, on her letters it said Nomura, during phone calls, too, Nomura¡ªand even now, in my memory; Nomura. I was not the only one who felt terrible at her departure, Fuyuko was visibly out of it and both Hibino and Tanaka missed her a lot as well. I had been taking her, and everything she gave us, for granted and now it came back to bite me in the butt. Dinner time was quiet. Walks to school were quiet. Fuyuko, who had slowly started talking more, went back to her quiet ways. And even me, the ¡®never-stops-talking Koji¡¯ was quiet as well. Even though it was hard, time passed on as it always does. I continued playing the guitar, getting better by the day. I¡¯m sure Fuyuko was also practising her singing. In the letters I sent her back, I never expressed just how much I wanted her to be Emi, even Nomura Emi was alright. But to her, finally being part of a loving family meant more than the name we had been calling her since the day we met. But, I understand. I do. Truly. If it were me, I don¡¯t know how I would¡¯ve handled it. But knowing Nomura, she would never allow me to not be Koji anymore.
Dear Koji Guess what? I found a new instrument to play! It¡¯s the saxophone! Remember how good I was with it when we first went to the instrument store? Now I¡¯m even better! I¡¯ll visit you soon, during spring break, then we¡¯ll play music together again! I can¡¯t wait! See you soon Nomura
October, November, December, January, then February. All of them passed me by. Other than the letters from Nomura every now and then, and my progress with the guitar, there was nothing interesting going on in my life. All of those months saved up their events and shoved them into March, to make that year¡¯s spring the most eventful it could possibly be. ¡°What did it say in your letter, Tatsurou? In mine she said she¡¯ll be visiting during spring break, it¡¯s been a long while¡­¡± He didn¡¯t say anything, it was late at night after all. I held on to the railing of my bed and looked down, ¡°Tatsurou?¡± Then it hit me. An unbearable hit, like getting a ball kicked into your face when It¡¯s ice cold outside on the playground. A hit that you¡¯ll for sure be feeling for the rest of the day. He wasn¡¯t there anymore. I had been so caught up in my world of thoughts that night, that I had forgotten that Tatsurou had already been adopted. That spring break, it was just me and Fuyuko.
Dear Koji I¡¯m so, so sorry that I couldn¡¯t visit during spring break. I was really looking forward to seeing you guys again. Anyway, happy birthday!!! Already nine years old, huh. Soon you¡¯ll be the first one to reach a two number age, cool, right? Also, I heard from Tanaka that your progress with the guitar is going great, I¡¯m really proud of your hard work! But you better don¡¯t stop practicing, because I¡¯m right on your tail with my saxophone! Let me know how your birthday went! Bye-bye Nomura
¡°¡­Koji.¡± I turned my head to face Fuyuko. For the first time in a long while, she asked me to climb up a tree. Behind her face I saw the blossoming trees being gently swayed by the wind. ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°Right now, do you feel free?¡± I returned my gaze in front of me, ¡°Maybe¡ª¡± ¡°You don¡¯t look free to me,¡± she said. I looked at her again, her serious expression pierced through mine. Her usual drawn-back nature was nowhere to be seen. ¡°Your eyes have lost¡­ that sparkle.¡± ¡°I¡¯m still playing the guitar, so¡­¡± ¡°¡­I might be mistaken, but¡­ I don¡¯t think you¡¯re enjoying it¡ªat all.¡± My eyes widened. Am I not enjoying it? But I¡¯m getting better, right? ¡°You¡¯ve improved a lot¡­ way more than me and Nomura,¡± Nomura, ¡°But when I look at you¡­ you¡¯re not free anymore.¡± ¡°Would it be better if I just quit¡­?¡± She shook her head, ¡°That¡¯s not it,¡± then raised it, looking at the clear sky. ¡°I think you need to find a way to feel free again, when you¡¯re playing the guitar.¡± I copied her movements and looked at the sky as well, ¡°And how should I do that?¡± ¡°I thought about it¡­ but I don¡¯t know.¡± She brought her gaze down again, and looked at me, ¡°...For now, why don¡¯t you try adding something fresh to it?¡± ¡°¡­Something fresh?¡± I echoed. She nodded. Then I remembered how I suggested her to try combining singing with sitting in the tree. ¡°For you, it''s singing and being high up in the air. And for me it¡¯s the guitar¡­ and nothing yet. Say, should I try singing as well?¡± She clapped the palms of her hands together and smiled, the way Tanaka would. ¡°...I think that¡¯s a great idea.¡± That same day, when I was alone in my room, I tried it. I had the sheet music of a pop song I liked, while playing the guitar, I whispered the words along. It was kind of exciting. The next song I played, I tried whispering a little louder, and louder, and louder¡ªuntil I was properly singing. I wasn¡¯t that good yet, but it did spark something in me. Playing the guitar while singing was a lot more enjoyable than just playing the guitar. High in spirits, I sat down at my desk and read Nomura¡¯s letter once again and started writing my reply. When I was lost for words, I stared at the envelope and the address written on it. She lives in Tokyo now, so does Tatsurou. We used to always call it ¡°Big Tokyo¡± because we were used to the more rural lifestyle here in Shizuoka. On the back of the envelope, in the corner, was a postage stamp of Mount Fuji. When the sky is clear, especially between winter and spring, you can see the tip of Mount Fuji towering above the distant trees from here in Shizuoka. Around the start of spring, however, it starts becoming less visible. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. I wrote about it in my letter, curious if she could still see it in Big Tokyo, ¡®Mount Fuji, can you see it too?¡¯ I finished writing it, put it in an envelope and left it in the drawer of my desk. A letter that would never be sent. * * * The day after, there was a phone call early in the morning. ¡°Yes¡­ Yes, I understand¡­ Well then, see you soon,¡± she sighed and placed her phone on the table. ¡°Who was that?¡± I asked Tanaka while shoving my breakfast in my mouth. ¡°¡­Fuyuko¡¯s mother.¡± I nearly choked on my food and started coughing. ¡°Her mother?¡± She nodded. ¡°Excuse me for a second,¡± she said as she went to the hall and went up the stairs. Fuyuko wasn¡¯t up yet, so she was more than likely headed to her room, while I was left wondering what that phone call was about. Not much later she returned without Fuyuko. Apparently her mother called and was coming over somewhere next week. ¡°Will she take Fuyuko back with her?¡± I asked, more than a little anxiously. ¡°No, don¡¯t worry about it. I don¡¯t think she¡¯s qualified for that yet. She''ll be coming to see how she''s doing.¡± At the time I had no clue what those words really meant. I interpreted them as a visit, to see how her daughter is doing. I knocked on her door later that day. I sat down on the spot I always sat when we played music together. ¡°I heard your mother will be visiting soon.¡± She nodded. I didn¡¯t know what to make of that reaction, so I kind of just asked the question I had on my mind since I heard her mother will be coming from Tanaka this morning. ¡°Would you be happy if your mother took you back home?¡± ¡°Not at all,¡± she instantly admitted, which secretly made me happy to hear. Although that gave me the feeling she hated her. Hence why I asked, ¡°Hm? Don¡¯t you look forward to seeing your mother again?¡± She didn¡¯t say anything and simply stared out in front of her. I don¡¯t know why I didn¡¯t simply shut up back then. ¡°Did you not miss her all this time?¡± I had never asked her about her parents before, so I couldn¡¯t have had a clue about her situation. ¡°¡­I didn¡¯t.¡± I felt an aching in my heart when those words got to me, ¡°What do you mean, you didn¡¯t miss her, but she is coming to see you again, right?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want her to come here,¡± she said, with a slightly aggressive undertone in her usually calm voice. ¡°¡­Sorry,¡± I said, I didn¡¯t understand her reason for being angry at the time, but I still felt guilty for making her angry. She turned her head away, ¡°¡­Don¡¯t apologise either.¡± I almost apologised for apologising, but swallowed it down, but didn¡¯t ask another question. ¡°¡­Can you go take your guitar please?¡± ¡°Oh, alright. I¡¯ll be right back.¡± I went to my own room next door, took my guitar and went back. When I opened her room¡¯s door again, she was seated with her still keyboard behind her back. ¡°Aren¡¯t you gonna play the keyboard?¡± She shook her head, ¡°Just singing today.¡± I sat down once again, ¡°Want me to start?¡± ¡°Whenever you¡¯re ready,¡± she said. I didn¡¯t know what to play, so I simply went with that one pop song I had memorised. Everything was going pretty well, until I got to the chorus, and started unconsciously singing along. Bobbing my head to the rhythm of my guitar. I only realised I was singing when Fuyuko joined in. I lifted my head up, looking at her. Her body was slightly rocking from side to side. The eyes that were shut just a second before, opened and fell right into mine. The entire bedroom disappeared. Everything around us turned into glimmering white light. For the last time in my life I would see it. The fluffy feathers falling from her angel wings. The brightly gold shining halo glowing above the singing angel. Our eyes were still locked onto one another. I couldn¡¯t tell if the song had ever ended, because the end of the song loops perfectly into the start. The real end to the song¡ªthe end to this moment, our last¡ªcame when Tanaka opened the door, summoning all the furniture back into place. ¡°You two are amazing!¡± she said. ¡°Who would¡¯ve thought that we had two singing prodigies under our roof.¡± Two. I was pretty decent, too, alright. ¡°Thank you¡­ I¡¯ve still got a long way to go if I want to become the world¡¯s best, though.¡± * * * The following week, Fuyuko¡¯s mother visited. I was very considerate not to bother them. Even though she said she didn¡¯t want her to come, I still thought it might¡¯ve turned into a precious moment for them. Right when I heard that her mother had left, I went to her room. ¡°Can I come in?¡± I whispered. ¡°¡­Not yet.¡± Her voice sounded shaky, fragile and weak. Upon hearing it, I threw the door open. I saw her sitting on the floor. In shock, she turned her head around, exposing the most vulnerable expression I had ever seen on her face. Tears were rolling down her eyes, dropping down the bottom of her cheeks. I went into her room and sat down on my knees next to her. ¡°Are you alright?¡± She nodded her head, but looked anything but alright. She wiped away her tears with the bottom of her sleeves, then said, ¡°She¡¯s taking me away.¡± I opened my mouth, but the words were stuck in my throat. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go back¡­¡± I said what I truly felt in that moment, ¡°I don¡¯t want you to go either.¡± Through the tears she smiled, ¡°That only makes it harder to go.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t there anything we can do?¡± ¡°¡­It¡¯s already settled. I¡¯ll start packing my stuff tomorrow.¡± ¡°T-tomorrow¡­?¡± I failed to say anything other than repeating her last word. ¡°I don¡¯t want to go back! I don¡¯t want to¡­ go back,¡± this was the first time I had seen her raise her voice. Showing this much emotion through her voice. It made it all the more difficult to say anything. What was there I could have said? The room got quiet, the silence only occasionally broken by her sobbing. When her sobbing came to a halt, she looked at me and asked, ¡°Koji¡­ Can you keep a secret?¡± I nodded my head. ¡°It¡¯s about why I feel free when I¡¯m sitting in a tree.¡± ¡°Please tell me.¡± ¡°I used to live in a big house with both my parents, until they got divorced. Then it was just me and mom. She started drinking¡­ a lot and hurting me.¡± ¡°How awful¡­¡± ¡°She would throw things at me, beat me if I didn¡¯t listen. She would refuse to give me food if she didn¡¯t feel like feeding me.¡± I was at a loss for words. ¡°Sometimes she would chase me to hurt me, then I¡¯d run into the garden and climb up the tree. She would scream at me, throw things at me, but she would never climb up the tree to come and get me. The tree was mine. High up in the air, that¡¯s where I could truly feel free.¡± The tears started rolling down her eyes again. I felt worthless, not being able to change a thing, so I did the only thing I could, I thightly grabbed her in my arms, she didn''t resist and put her arms around me. ¡°I don''t want to leave... I don''t want to go back,¡± she said, her tears didn''t stop. I held her more tightly than before and said, ¡°I''ll make sure you''ll be brought back here. I will talk to Tanaka and Hibino. I''ll make sure you''re safe.¡± She embraced me tighter as well. ¡°We''ll figure something out. I promise,¡± I said. * * * The following Monday, I overslept for the first time in a long while. I was in a hurry, so I read the letter I got from Nomura on my way to school.
Hey Koji
After every line I read, I turned my gaze upwards again. I wouldn¡¯t want to be careless and get into an accident over this.
You¡¯re alive, right? You¡¯re not dead are you?
Still alive.
I thought something bad must¡¯ve happened since you didn¡¯t reply to my letters!
I suddenly remembered the letter I wrote, but completely forgot to send. I remember what I had asked her in that letter, can you see it, too?
Well, anyway, I haven¡¯t heard anything from Fuyuko at all! Is she dead too?
She¡¯s still alive as well. But, I¡¯m afraid you won¡¯t be hearing from her in a while.
I was just quickly writing this letter to tell you that I have quit the saxophone as well¡­
I felt my heart sinking after reading that. I was accelerating above everyone else in guitar class. I was truly getting good, a real prodigy you could say. Seeing that one of the primary reasons why I started at all is failing, really made me feel sad.
Unfortunately we couldn''t get the chance to play it together. I¡¯ll find something new to play¡­ I hope. But! I¡¯ve been helping out for real this time with baking! I¡¯ll bake you guys something when I visit!
I guess she has stopped her habit of eating the ingredients.
All that said, tell hi from me to Fuyuko.
I¡¯m afraid I won¡¯t be able to do that either. First you, then Tatsurou and now Fuyuko. I guess I am the last man standing, huh.
Look forward to my baking skills! (This time I won¡¯t use my lick-claim technique, everything will be for you guys!!) Nomura
I folded the letter and put it in my pocket. Emi, you¡¯re gonna make me cry. Tears I had been bottling up ever since the Nomura family. Ever since I had to part ways with the one lending his ear to hear my babbling, Tatsurou. I was already at my limit, then came Fuyuko¡¯s mother out of nowhere. And now I¡¯m reminded of your ridiculous habits. With dewy, watery eye, I turned my head sideways. The big mountain, blocked from my vision by the trees along the road. At the first clearing, I stopped walking. Not behind the many distant trees, not behind the rapidly moving clouds. It wasn''t there, it was already spring after all, yet it was way too soon to be completely out of sight. It reminded me of the people I held dear. Just like Mount Fuji in spring, they all vanished from my vision. My blurry, teary vision. But I didn''t cry. And I wouldn¡¯t for a long time. 4. Hollow Me I TURNED TEN, the first one of all my friends to turn a double-digit age. Then I turned eleven, then came twelve. I was a middle schooler, still trying hard to become the world¡¯s best with the guitar. I promised them after all, that we¡¯d make it to the biggest stage in the world. I was on my way home from school, letting the end-of-winter breeze fill my lungs. It had been really cold for so long, it was nice to walk outside again without my toes freezing off. When the seemingly endless row of trees along the road parted ways to make room for an intersection, I turned my head sideways, looking at the open road, with above it a clear open sky. There I saw it again. The tip of the big mountain you can see when the skies are clear; Mount Fuji. Even though the skies were clear, it was barely visible. I was once again reminded of how I let time pass me by. Another spring break was nearing. I would turn into a second year middle schooler¡ªand I would turn thirteen years old. At my age at the time, twelve years old, I was already a less than desirable candidate for adoption. Each and every year that got added on top of that would also increase how undesirable of an orphan I was. I stopped in my tracks and stared at it. Five years ago, I wrote a letter. ¡®Mount Fuji, can you see it too?¡¯ A couple of geography classes later, I learned that Noruma and I are divided by that very mountain, living on its opposite sides. While I assume Noruma still lives in Tokyo, I wonder where Fuyuko is now. I haven¡¯t seen her since the day we parted. I continued walking home. Naturally I¡¯m the only one that goes this way, all the other orphans either went to elementary school or were too young for school. Suddenly I heard people talking on this usually empty road. I turned around, curious to see who they were. My gaze instantly fell on the uniform they were wearing. The same as me. My eyes, a little shaky, found their way to their faces, classmates. ¡°Ah, it¡¯s the throwaway,¡± one of them said. Quite the nickname I¡¯ve got. I turned around again and walked home a little faster than before. In elementary school, no one really cared that I was an orphan, but ever since middle school, it had become a big deal. And without others my age being orphans as well, I became the odd one out. I started wondering again how the others were doing. But for better or worse, none of them had to deal with that since they weren¡¯t orphans anymore. During this period of my life, Tanaka¡¯s belly kept growing bigger. She was, in fact, pregnant. She had told me a long time ago that she was considering adopting me, since she didn¡¯t plan on being a caretaker forever. ¡°I¡¯ll soon be moving away. If you¡¯re not adopted by the time you¡¯re thirteen¡­ then I¡¯ll be taking you with me. I¡¯ll be your mother, Koji. How does that sound?¡± That¡¯s what she had promised before she got pregnant with a child of her own. She and her husband wanted to reconsider the promise and give it some time, but I told them that it was fine. I had already given up on getting adopted anyway. Everyday started feeling the same. I was slowly turning into the guy whose name I¡¯ve long forgotten, yet will always remember as the clever one. Like him, I was pessimistic about my chances of adoption. Like him, I was nicknamed ¡®the throwaway¡¯ at school. And like him, like the clever one, I was addicted. The positive kind. He delved deep into the world of books. Read his days away until he was old enough to leave the orphanage. At the time I thought that we shared that destiny. Unwanted, undesired, unloved. Living with, and for, nothing other than our addiction. For him, books. For me, the guitar. Something I started playing out of pure coincidences aligning, yet somehow becoming my fate, my promise and my only goal. Each day that passed me by made me lose it even more. As dark and edgy as it sounds; that thing called ¡®feeling¡¯. Nothing moved me anymore, nothing sparked my interest anymore. Nothing could make me feel. No matter how hollow of a being I was becoming, there was one thing, one feeling, that would remain; my guitar¡ªand my love for it. I took the guitar, sat down and repeatedly played the lowest notes. The low, echoing sound perfectly reflected how I felt. When I was playing that day, Hibino knocked on the door of my room. She came in and sat down on the bed that hadn¡¯t been occupied for a very long time. ¡°Koji, how is school going?¡± she asked, with a slight hint of concern lingering in her words. ¡°Same as usual,¡± I answered, which wasn¡¯t a lie. It was always the same as usual. ¡°We¡¯re a little worried about you, you know?¡± I stopped playing the low cords and placed the palm of my hand on the strings, muting its sound quicklier. ¡°Sorry to make you worry, but there¡¯s really nothing to be worried about.¡± The ends of her lips raised, forming a smile¡ªnot a happy one, ¡°You sound just like him,¡± she said. Even though she didn¡¯t say his name, I knew she was talking about the clever one. This was not the first time such concern was raised, that I sounded just like him. ¡°Is that a bad thing?¡± ¡°Not bad, no. Not good either, though,¡± she placed her hands in her lap, ¡°I only wish for one thing, which I also wished for him, and that is for you to be happy.¡± I nodded. ¡°The way things are going now, I can¡¯t help but see you ending up like him. You haven¡¯t seen him in a long while, but he¡¯s quite the opposite of happy.¡± I simply nodded again. ¡°Can you do me one favour please? Just one.¡± ¡°Sure,¡± I said. ¡°Make some friends at school. A single one will do. If that doesn¡¯t work out, that¡¯s completely fine, but please, do try.¡± Friends. That¡¯s the word we used to call other orphans. ¡°I already have friends¡±, was what I wanted to say. But all of that was in my head. Tatsurou, I hadn¡¯t seen nor spoken to him in five years. Same goes for Fuyuko. The last letter from Nomura was¡­ three years ago. At that moment, during the conversation with Hibino, I realised that I didn¡¯t have any friends. All others living at the orphanage were far too young to be considered friends. At school, there was not a single person I talked to. Me being hard to approach combined with being an orphan is probably what pushed everyone away from me. So maybe Hibino was right. Maybe I should try making even a single friend. Maybe then¡­ maybe then I will be less hollow. ¡°¡­I¡¯ll try,¡± I said. ¡°After spring break, when I¡¯m in my second year. It¡¯ll be like a fresh start or something,¡± I added. She smiled again, a happy smile this time, ¡°Thank you, Koji.¡± Another spring break, another birthday, but this time I had something to look forward to: making my first friend in middle school. Before the opening ceremony, we were assigned our class. In the classroom, we were assigned our seats. The person I sat beside was someone from the same class last year, though I didn¡¯t remember his name. With Hibino¡¯s mission in mind, I said, ¡°We¡¯re in the same class again, huh.¡± He looked at me with a spooked expression. Well, I guess it was the first time I ever spoke to him. Maybe he didn¡¯t even know who I was, or that we were in the same class last year. ¡°Yeah, good to see you again,¡± he said. ¡°A little rare, no? For you to start speaking to someone.¡± I didn¡¯t think he¡¯d be so blunt about it, ¡°Yeah, I guess I might¡¯ve changed a little, I think?¡± ¡°You think?¡± he laughed. I suddenly realised that it was less hard than I thought to make conversation. At that thought, all my conversational gears stopped in their tracks. When did I start thinking it was hard in the first place? I used to speak so much that people called it annoying... when did that stop? ¡°Something wrong?¡± he asked. I shook my head, ¡°A-ah, it¡¯s no-n-nothing,¡± I stumbled over my words. Where did the smoothness from earlier go? He laughed a bit again and turned his head to the blackboard in front of the classroom. I felt my heartbeat increasing. ¡°Alright, everyone is here, let¡¯s do a little introduction before the ceremony starts,¡± our teacher said. ¡°We¡¯ll do row per row, starting here,¡± he pointed at the row closest to the window¡ªmy row. The first person stood up, introduced themselves. At least that¡¯s what I assumed, because I was getting dizzy, and didn¡¯t catch a word that she said. ¡°Thank you. Alright, next person.¡± The guy sitting in front of me stood up, the loud screaking of his chair being pushed backwards rang in my ears. A sudden chill fell over my body, freezing it entirely. When he''s done, it''s my turn. I started rehearsing the words in my head. Just what was happening to me? Why couldn¡¯t I calm down? I¡¯m Koji. I play the guitar. I hope to have a good year with all of you, bow. Alright. I kept repeating those words in my head. ¡°Next.¡± I stood up. All the gazes spread over the room now targeted a single person; me. I parted my lips, opening my mouth. Waiting for my words to do the rest. ¡°I¡ª¡± my volume was way too loud. I started over again, feeling the eyes of everyone piercing through my body. ¡°I am¡ª¡± Who am I again? The words failed me once again. I couldn¡¯t make out what was happening to me, why I felt so intimidated by the mere act of speaking. Was it my earlier realisation? Why did it suddenly feel like a big deal? The longer I waited, the more awkward it got, I took a deep breath and decided to just fire the words out of my mouth to get this over with. ¡°I am the guitar.¡± I bowed. After three seconds of silence, everyone was laughing. I felt my blood rushing to my cheeks. I haven''t felt this embarrassed in a long time. I sat down again, my seat-neighbour looked at me and said, ¡°I¡¯m looking forward to this year, guitar.¡± I buried my face in my hands, ¡°¡­Same here.¡± No matter how embarrassing that moment was, it was essentially what made Hibino¡¯s mission a success. The sudden change from the hostile ¡®throwaway¡¯ to the banteringly nickname ¡®guitar¡¯ made me feel just a little bit more at ease in class. Though after my first week as a second year, I had yet to make a friend. On that Monday the following week, when I was walking in the hallways early in the morning, I came across my seat neighbour, Saito. He was talking to a girl, so I tried to avoid him, but we made eye contact before I could turn back. I decided to play it cool and just greet him, ¡°Good morning.¡± I didn¡¯t stop walking, but right when I was about to pass them, the girl said, ¡°Ew, why is the throwaway talking to us?¡± Saito stopped me in my tracks and leaned his weight over my shoulder. I looked at him, quite surprised. He pointed at me with the hand not on my shoulder and said, ¡°This is not the throwaway.¡± I gave him a puzzled look, as in saying "I¡¯m not?" ¡°This is my seat neighbour, the guitar.¡± She started laughing, ¡°The guitar?¡± Little by little, and not only in my class, my new nickname started spreading, and I became¡­ the guitar. People would wave at me in the hallways and play an air guitar. Sometimes people would halt me in my tracks to ask me about my nickname. The more I spoke to strangers, the more I was reminded of the old me. Though one thing was certain, I would never feel the same about it as the old me would. While I was eating lunch in my seat instead of the cafeteria, I got invited to lunch for the first time. ¡°Yo, guitar, wanna eat lunch together?¡± With no real reason to decline Saito, I simply said, ¡°Alright,¡± and went with him and his friends, headed to the cafeteria. I didn¡¯t feel happy to be invited for lunch, nor did it upset me; I didn¡¯t feel anything. During lunch, I laughed along with every joke. I didn¡¯t find any of them funny. The reason I laughed was to forge a spot in this group, ¡®the one that finds everything funny¡¯, that¡¯s the easiest role to fulfil. All one has to do¡­ is laugh. This way, I could accomplish Hibino¡¯s mission as quickly as possible. An invitation to lunch would surely launch into a friendship overtime. ¡°¡ªand then she said, ¡®It was the pudding¡¯,¡± I missed half the story leading up to this joke, but I laughed along with the others. ¡°You sure are in a good mood, guitar,¡± one of Saito¡¯s friends said. ¡°You think so?¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve been thinking that, too!¡± All others seemed to agree. Saito leaned close to me and asked, ¡°Did you get a girlfriend or something?¡± I shook my head, ¡°I didn¡¯t¡­¡± ¡°The guitar¡¯s girlfriend¡­ the piano?¡± I had no one other than myself to blame for instinctively linking the piano to the only one I know that plays it ¨C Fuyuko. ¡°Oh! He¡¯s blushing!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not¡­ and I don¡¯t have a girlfriend.¡± Saito poked me with his elbow, ¡°Come on, tell us. Who¡¯s this piano? A classmate? Is she in the music club?¡± I stood up and said, ¡°I¡¯m going back to the classroom.¡± Before I left, Saito yelled out, ¡°Show me a picture of your girlfriend later!¡± All eyes in the cafeteria turned to me. This guy¡­ A little while later, during the first class after lunch break, Saito whispered, ¡°So¡­ the piano isn¡¯t your girlfriend¡­ is she your crush?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Ah what a bummer. If you ever need help landing a girl, be sure to ask me for help!¡± He proudly pointed his thumb at himself. ¡°After all, that¡¯s what friends are for, right?¡± Friends¡­? I turned my head, unaware that my facial expression reflected my thoughts. ¡°What? Don¡¯t you see me as a friend then?¡± he asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d see me as a friend,¡± I replied. ¡°Huh? We¡¯ve been friends for weeks dude!¡± The teacher turned around and yelled, ¡°Saito, be quiet!¡± Was this all it took to be considered a friend? I had never shared any personal information, I never talked about anything deeper than ordinary topics. Heck, all I ever did was laugh along with jokes. That little input meant that I had fulfilled the mission that Hibino had given me; I made a friend. Later that day, I walked home with Saito and his friends, though it was only for a little while until our ways home differed. The conversation that was going on during that little time was hardly what I would consider a conversation. The way I envisioned it, was like a big pond with the five of them around it. All sitting still with a fishing rod, patiently waiting to reel the big fish called ¡®centre of attention¡¯ their way. They didn¡¯t at all seem interested in what everyone else was saying, the only thing they wanted to hear was their own voice. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Every time someone started a topic, it took about a sentence or three until someone else brought in a new topic. Every conversation was baseline-level, never going deeper than that. If their conversation was the script of a movie, the audience would be complaining about how bland and boring it is. And yet, the audience would be too ignorant to realise that they themselves spoke like this as well. Baseline-level. When I got home, I told Hibino that I¡¯ve had a friend for a while. ¡°I already had a feeling,¡± she said. ¡°You¡¯ve seemed a lot more cheerful lately.¡± I think she was saying that to both make me think I had actually been more cheerful and trick her own mind into thinking so as well. Not that it mattered to me, as long as she was happy, then my mission was a success. * * * My first wave of temporary fame was being the guitar. Later came the second wave; the rumour going around that I had a girlfriend, the piano. People made it into a game trying to guess who the piano could be. But luckily for me, that didn¡¯t last long since I hardly ever interacted with people, let alone girls. When a little while had passed, and the buzz of the guitar started dying out, I found myself stopped again in the middle of the hallway, which hadn¡¯t happened in a while. ¡°The guitar¡­¡± he said. The boy that stopped me wasn¡¯t from my class, nor had I ever seen him in classes we have with the entire year. I thought he was a first year, since he was about the size of one. ¡°I¡¯m Fujita, from class 3-C.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not here to meet anyone. I¡¯m here to reclaim my title. I am the guitar!¡± he yelled out. The few people present stopped to see what was going on. ¡°¡­Uh, what do you mean by that?¡± ¡°A battle! You, me. We¡¯re going to battle it out with our guitars. The winner takes the prize, being the title of the guitar.¡± The louder he got, the more people started watching. I just wanted all of that to be over with. ¡°Well, if you want it so badly, go ahead and be the guitar.¡± ¡°A battle!¡± he held out a poster with various music instruments on them. In big yellow letters it read ¡®Shizuoka Junior Music Contest¡¯, ¡°In the S-J-M-C, there we will fight it out.¡± I¡¯m sure no one calls it that. ¡°Sure, sure. It¡¯s a battle. I¡¯ll be going now.¡± ¡°I will be the guitar!¡± I came across that exact same flyer later that day on a bulletin board outside the school building. I took a closer look at it. It will take place in a month from now. Both the first place and the runner-up will be going through to the National Junior Music Contest. At home I talked about it with Tanaka and Hibino. ¡°Is it alright if I participate?¡± ¡°Of course it is! We¡¯ll be rooting for you,¡± Tanaka said. Hibino nodded as well. It was a junior contest, locally in Shizuoka. I was quite confident I would at least be the runner-up, since I had yet to meet anyone my age who was as good as I was. For the next month I decided to practise my original song. I called it ¡®Angel on the Tree¡¯. The song reminded me of the feeling I had when I first saw Fuyuko sitting on that tree. The music contest only allowed instruments, so I wouldn¡¯t be singing the words¡ªjust playing the guitar. During that month of waiting until the day of the contest, I ran into Fujita in the hallways numerous times. He always gave me a long lasting sneer, not that I cared much about it. The day before the contest was the first time he didn¡¯t sneer and actually spoke to me. ¡°So, guitar¡­ What song will you be playing in the SJMC final round?¡± ¡°I could tell you, but you wouldn¡¯t know it anyways,¡± I said, trying to pass him, but he kept blocking my way. ¡°Tell me, or I won¡¯t let you through.¡± I looked at him with my empty eyes, ¡°I¡¯ll be doing an original, but I doubt you¡¯ll have to worry about the songs played in the final round.¡± He dropped his arms, ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± ¡°You won¡¯t make it to the final round, now get out of my way.¡± The day after, it was finally time for my first ever music competition. Hibino tagged along to see me play in-person. She was somewhere in the audience, though at first I had no clue where she was. When I appeared on stage for the first of three times, she yelled out, ¡°Koji, you can do this!¡± while the rest of the audience was dead silent. That aside, the preliminary round went well. We were all presented the same music sheet and had to play a song we had never seen before. In this round, sixteen of the thirty-two participants were left. I, of course, went through to the next round. The following round was a ¡®one versus one¡¯. ¡°Two people with the same instruments will be playing the same song at the same time, the judges will vote who did it better!¡± the announcer said. I was hoping I would be playing against Fujita, because frankly, I was better than him. And this way, it could truly be a fight for the title. ¡°Our first two contenders will be¡­ Yuuki and Koji!¡± Unfortunately it wasn¡¯t Fujita, but this wasn¡¯t bad either. I was listening to the others during the preliminary round and, at least in my eyes, Yuuki only barely made the cut for the last sixteen. He was quite good with the guitar, but failed the more fast paced parts. A little too overconfident, I started playing an odd second earlier than Yuuki. I quickly recovered and we matched our pace for a while. The next part was a lot more intense, which caused Yuuki to mess up a couple of times. I underestimated him, but in the end, I won. The fourth battle was between Fujita and the youngest contestant left. Fujita won. For the final round, everyone would play a piece that they had chosen, which arrogant little me had practised for an entire month, knowing that I would make it through both rounds. The announcer walked up to the stage, said which contestant would be next and what song they would be playing. Something strange was going on with him, every time he returned backstage, he was nervously jumping up and down. He didn¡¯t appear nervous in front of the audience, neither did he during the first two rounds backstage, so I was wondering what was going on with him. Fujita must¡¯ve picked up on it, too, since he walked up to him to talk. Five contenders had played, none of them sounded better than me. I was confident I would land my spot in the nationals. The announcer, still bouncy, went to the stage and announced the next contender. ¡°Next up is Fujita!¡± He picked up his guitar and turned his head towards me. The smile on his face created the most punch-able expression I had ever seen. ¡°He¡¯ll be playing an original song called ¡®Angel on the Tree¡¯!¡± I felt a cold chill running down my spine. That was my song. I was going to play that.I fell down to my knees, completely powerless. Why would he do such a thing? I had been calling myself hollow for a long while, but for the first time in what seemed like aeons, I felt something other than embarrassment. Hatred. Pure rage. Any longer, and surely I would¡¯ve cried, but right before I could, Katou, the only other contestant left, walked up to me. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± she asked. I couldn¡¯t hide my hysteria. ¡°That¡¯s my original song! He stole it!¡± Her nurturing expression turned to one filled with disgust. ¡°Do you mean¡­ that he¡¯s cheating?¡± I nodded my head. ¡°¡­Disgusting. I hate cheaters!¡± She grabbed me by my arm and pulled it over her shoulder, bringing me back on my feet. ¡°Let¡¯s make sure to beat this fraud.¡± I looked at him playing. His filthy fingers didn¡¯t even come close to capturing the heartfelt emotion I put in my music. None of this sounds divine, nothing of this reminds me of the angel. It was utterly disgusting to hear him play the song I had made. But I couldn¡¯t just play the same one. Even if I walked up the stage causing a scene, claiming that it¡¯s my song¡­ I wanted to show him that even if he steals my song, he could never touch my level. Him and I, we¡¯re not the same¡­ I am the guitar. My eyes, close to crying a second ago, were lit up, filled with fire. ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s beat him.¡± The announcer disappeared to the toilet after announcing Fujita, hence why he was bouncing up and down this entire time. His headset-microphone was still lying on a table. I decided to take all of my anger and shove it into a performance the judges could never forget. ¡°Please welcome to the stage, Koji!¡± I announced, as I walked up the stage, burning with determination. ¡°Koji will be playing an original song, too.¡± I had written a second song, but it was nowhere near as complete as Angel on the Tree was. But if I wanted to win, it had to be something good of my own. ¡°His song is called, ¡®Can you see it, too?¡¯¡± I was deliberately talking in third person to rile up the audience. I sat down on the low chair in the middle of the stage. Even though it wasn¡¯t allowed, I¡¯m pretty sure cheating isn¡¯t either, so I did as I pleased. The opening is a lot more energetic compared to the gentle sounding Angel. But soon after the energetic opening seconds follows¡ªthe lyrics! ¡°Feel the breeze in my lungs Another spring has begun I want to send you a letter, but that''d be jumping the gun¡± I heard whispers in the audience, whispers among the judges and I swear, I heard Fujita complaining backstage. The audacity of this guy¡­ ¡°The clouds are gone and the sky is clear Above the trees in the distance, at least seen from here There''s that thing in the air confirming our distance, I fear A sight so beautiful that the both of us held dear.¡± The fast paced rhythm of this song is based on the most energetic person I knew; Nomura. If you heard the other song, you wouldn¡¯t believe that they were made by the same kid. ¡°Now all of that holds a new meaning for us two Got me wondering¡ª Can you see it, too?¡± The last line, I softly repeated at the rhythm of my guitar. When the song was over, Hibino stood up and clapped loudly. To my surprise, the other parents there stood up as well and clapped. I stood up as well from the little chair, bowed and walked back behind the curtains backstage. The first person I saw there was the frustrated Fujita. I looked at him, tenfold the disgust of Katou earlier, ¡°I will never, ever lose to a cheater like you.¡± Speaking of Katou, she was right behind him, holding her hand high in the air, waiting for me to give her a high-five. ¡°You did great out there! I didn¡¯t expect you to be such a good singer!¡± My earlier cool display turned into bashfulness, ¡°¡­Thank you.¡± The announcer looked at me, then it hit me that I was still wearing his equipment. I quickly took it off and returned it to him. ¡°Last, but definitely not least,¡± heh, say that again, ¡°Katou!¡± Katou was good, really good. At least double the guitarist Fujita was. The three of us were the only guitarists left in the last eight. But if I had to give my honest ranking it would be; me first, Katou as close second, and Fujita wouldn¡¯t even belong on the podium. But that got me a little nervous. Since singing wasn¡¯t allowed, I might be in trouble. But, I was the only one who got a standing ovation. Then again, if I had to choose two winners, it would be Katou and I. but would they send two guitarists to the nationals, I wondered. When it was time for the judges to choose a winner and runner-up, everyone back-stage was nervous. Katou walked up to me and said, ¡°It¡¯s gonna be us two, I¡¯m sure of it!¡± The announcer, backstage too, butted in, ¡°I don¡¯t think so. If I had to pick, it would be Koji as a clear winner. But he broke a rule, you can¡¯t sing, this is an instrumental contest.¡± He raised my main concern. Before I could say anything else, he was off to the judges. It was time to announce the winner. ¡°I will no longer hold all of you in suspense¡­ it¡¯s time to announce the winner!¡± I was getting nervous now. The overconfident me was nowhere to be seen anymore. ¡°We¡¯ll win for sure,¡± Katou said next to me with her thumbs up. ¡°A quick reminder¡ªboth the winner and runner-up will be battling it out later this year in the Nationals! Anyway, without further ado¡­ the winner of the Shizuoka Junior Music Contest is¡­¡± My heartbeat, throbbing up my throat earlier, disappeared. I knew it wouldn¡¯t be me. I sang after all. But more than winning, I didn¡¯t want to lose to Fujita. So as long as he didn¡¯t win, I would be sort of satisfied. ¡°¡ªNo one other than Katou!!¡± She jumped up and cheered, ¡°I did it!¡± Without waiting for the announcer to call her to the stage, she pushed the curtains open and ran on the stage. ¡°Thank you so much!¡± she said as she kept bowing over and over again. Fujita sat down where she was sitting earlier, ¡°I¡¯ll be the runner-up. See you at the Nationals. Me on stage and you crying in the audience.¡± I ignored him, but somewhere deep down I was grateful for that annoying brat. Even though all I felt were negative feelings towards him, at least I felt something. ¡°I won¡¯t be crying in the audience, but I¡¯ll leave you crying here back-stage.¡± He clicked his tongue and looked away. I stood up and said, ¡°I guess I¡¯d better go and wait in front of the curtain, that way I¡¯ll reach the stage more quickly.¡± I was completely bluffing and didn¡¯t even think that I would be the runner-up, but if my bluffing at least got on his nerves, then that would be enough to call it a win. After the applause, the announcer continued, ¡°As I said before¡­ the runner-up will be going to the nationals, too! But who could that be¡­¡± This time when he paused, it caused a much greater feeling of suspense than the first time. The winner was sort of obvious, I broke the rules and Katou was the closest to my level. So if I¡¯m not the winner, basically anyone left could be the runner-up. ¡°I¡¯ve been keeping you guys waiting for far too long now¡­ The runner-up, who¡¯ll be joining Katou in the Nationals is¡­ no one other than Koji!!¡± It took me a second before I realised what had happened. I was the runner-up in my first ever music contest. With an original song no less. When I opened the curtains, I saw Hibino wiping her tears in the crowd. On stage, Katou was applauding louder than anyone else. Before letting go of the curtain behind me, I gave one last look to Fujita. And as I said, I left him in tears. Katou and I bowed on stage, as we did she said, ¡°I told you we would win, right?¡± 5. Silver Lining KATOU EMIKO AND KOJI won the Shizuoka Junior Music Contest, it said in a local newspaper. The way that it was written made it look as if three people won, but Emiko is Katou¡¯s first name. That following Monday, even though I hadn¡¯t said anything about it to anyone, it became quite the buzz at school. ¡°Is it true?¡± Saito asked. ¡°Did you win in a music contest?¡± ¡°I was the runner-up,¡± I said. ¡°Woah! So you really are the guitar then¡­¡± We were walking towards our classroom after lunchbreak. ¡°So what now?¡± ¡°Both the winner and runner-up go through to the Nationals. Where all prefectures¡ª¡± I was about to explain how the nationals worked, before he said, "Anyway, have I already told you about what happened at the lake this weekend? Hahaha, you''re not gonna believe this." Somewhere along the way I stopped listening to what he was saying. I cared about as little for his story as he cared for the answer to the question that he asked. When he paused to see a reaction, I laughed. An empty laugh. Repeating this until his story was over. * * * The Nationals wouldn¡¯t happen for another three months. During those three months something happened to me. Something I didn¡¯t see coming, something I had been wishing for, something I had believed I was unworthy of. It was during the period of Tanaka¡¯s last few days at the orphanage. Little by little she was packing her stuff. Her boyfriend would help drive her stuff from here to their new house. On Friday, however, her boyfriend couldn¡¯t make it and one of her friends helped her out. ¡°Jeez¡­ all of them?¡± she asked Tanaka. ¡°Yes. All of them.¡± They were talking about the many cups we had made over the years as a form of creative activity. We would all gather around the dinner table, knead clay in the form of a cup and decorate them when they were dried. We would always make three; one for ourselves and one for both Tanaka and Hibino. Even though it wasn¡¯t an obligation to make them, most of us always did. I hold the record for most cups made, quite the feat, no? It was getting kind of awkward in the living room. I was used to seeing Tanaka¡¯s boyfriend, so it wasn¡¯t that big of a deal anymore when he paid us a visit. Though the same couldn¡¯t be said about her friend, Miss Kuruno. From her appearance I would guess she¡¯s a little younger than Tanaka¡ªin her early twenties. One thing I had noticed about her was that she wore a ring. So she must¡¯ve married young, I thought. To avoid the unfamiliarity, I stood up from the sofa where most of us were sitting. ¡°I¡¯ll be going to my room,¡± I said as I took my leave. Once in my room I realised there¡¯s nothing to do there. Downstairs I can be a help to our caretakers. Upstairs, I can sit on my bed. I can stare out the window. Or I could play the guitar. I wanted to avoid doing the latter, since I didn¡¯t want to attract attention. But don¡¯t underestimate my mind¡¯s wonderful rationalising when it comes to making me play the guitar. I suddenly thought that if I didn¡¯t keep practising, I would fail in the Nationals. I took my guitar and sat down on the ground. Freestyle, one of my favourite pop songs, or one of my originals. I was ready to play, but I didn¡¯t know what to do. Meanwhile, there was the following conversation going on beneath me. ¡°Must be hard on him,¡± Miss Kuruno said. ¡°¡­I know. He doesn¡¯t want to show just how bad it hurts, though.¡± ¡°I can imagine¡­¡± I decided to play a song I had in mind a little while ago. It has a very deep tone. When I touch the strings, it feels like I¡¯m hurting them. The delicate, fragile strings are my heart. Every touch is one too much. If I put any more pressure on them, they would surely break. ¡°¡­Is he playing the guitar?¡± ¡°Yup! He¡¯s really good at it, too. Does your husband still play?¡± ¡°Uh-huh! All the time! Do you mind if I go take a look?¡± ¡°I surely don¡¯t¡­ but I don¡¯t know if he¡¯ll like it.¡± While I was playing my new song, which I had yet to name, Miss Kuruno was standing outside my room. I didn¡¯t know this of course, and played to my heart¡¯s content. The depressive tone of my music really went well with the guitar qualities I had at the time. When I stopped playing, I heard applause from the hallway. There wasn¡¯t anyone who ever did that, so I quickly made the link as to who was standing outside. Instead of moving on to the next song, I was thinking for a minute. I was a little too embarrassed to keep going, but on the other hand, if I didn¡¯t play anything, would that be the same as saying ¡®come in¡¯? I decided to just act as if she wasn¡¯t there and played a popular song I liked. Bad move, I thought not even a second later. ¡°Ohh~ I love that song!¡± After hearing her say that, my hunch was confirmed; it was certainly Miss Kuruno. This time I was too embarrassed to continue. She, as expected, found a way to take my silence as an invitation to my room. She knocked twice, ¡°¡­Can I come in?¡± I had my hand on my forehead, trapped. ¡°¡­Sure.¡± She slowly pushed the door open. Saw me seated on the floor, copied it and sat down as well. ¡°I heard the song you were playing earlier. I love it when it comes on the radio. I¡¯ve told my husband about it, he learned to play it for me. Oh, on the guitar, like you.¡± This woman was quite the opposite of the boy I used to share that space with. For a second, I understood what Tatsurou went through on a daily basis when we were younger. ¡°I kind of just busted in to listen to it,¡± she chuckled, ¡°even though Mai told me not to come in.¡± Mai is Tanaka¡¯s first name. ¡°¡­Should I play it?¡± She brought the palms of her hands together and her eyes shined like sparkling stars, ¡°Please do!¡± And thus, I played the song again. Well, that could count as the first time since the actual first time ended in mere seconds. When I was done, she applauded again. Which just made it hard to do anything. Should I smile? Say something? I decided to just go with my gut and said, ¡°The end.¡± ¡°¡®The end¡¯?¡± she started laughing. ¡°But that was really good! How long have you been playing for?¡± I took a second to think. I started out when I was seven. ¡°Almost seven years.¡± After I spoke those words I came to the realisation that I had been playing for nearly half my life. ¡°Oh~ So this is your big passion, huh? Any hopes of making it big?¡± I nodded. It would be too embarrassing to tell her about the specifics at that moment. ¡°Don¡¯t give up on your dreams, okay? My husband gave up on his band to get a better job,¡± she sighed. ¡°I guess I can¡¯t really complain though¡­ since it pays well and all.¡± She seemed to be lost in thought for a moment before continuing, ¡°Anyway, I¡¯ll tell him about you. He still really loves everything about guitars and stuff.¡± ¡°¡­Okay.¡± She stood up, ¡°Sorry, I¡¯ve been a little rude, haven¡¯t I¡­ I¡¯ll go back to helping Mai.¡± Right after she left my room she had a conversation with Tanaka that surely would¡¯ve brought me to tears if I had heard it then. "That boy is the striking image of my husband when he was young!" Tanaka laughed, "I think I might sort of see it." ¡°Say, Mai¡­¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°¡­Kuruno Koji¡­ how does that sound?¡± She dropped one of the clay cups she had crafted for herself. While picking up the bits and pieces she asked her friend, ¡°Are you serious about this?¡± She nodded her head repeatedly, ¡°¡­Of course I¡¯ll ask my husband first¡­ but he¡¯ll be here in about an hour to move all of this stuff¡­ So I¡¯ll ask him right away when he arrives.¡± She described the look Tanaka had on her face as the most jovial she had ever seen her wear. A gleeful smile spread from ear to ear, ¡°Thank you.¡± Later she asked her not to tell me yet, getting my hopes up only to break them like a clay cup wouldn¡¯t do young me any good. When her husband, Mister Kuruno arrived with his car, I had long forgotten about miss Kuruno¡¯s intrusion and the whole world for that matter. I was lost in the world that only existed in the palm of my little hands. ¡°Hm? You¡¯ve got a little musician hiding in here?¡± Kuruno¡¯s husband said the moment he entered the house. I believe it was one of my original songs I was playing over and over around the time he arrived. ¡°Yeah, that¡¯s Koji!¡± Miss Kuruno took the plastic bag he was holding out of his hands, ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± she asked. ¡°From work¡­¡± he paused for a moment while his wife¡¯s eyes were twinkling, staring at the goods inside, ¡°You can eat it all.¡± ¡°Really? Thanks! Why¡¯d you get all this, though?¡± ¡°Gifts from colleagues. I got the promotion to the office in Tokyo for next year.¡± ¡°Oh~ congrats!¡± ¡°Let¡¯s get started with those boxes. Think I¡¯ll be able to bring them over in a single drive?¡± ¡°Pretty sure, yeah. I¡¯ll go get Tanaka.¡± When Miss Kuruno was back in the living room where all the boxes were, Tanaka¡¯s earlier expression got flipped upside-down. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± a very concerned Miss Kuruno asked her. ¡°A promotion, huh¡­¡± ¡°You heard that? Good, right?¡± Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. ¡°Good¡­ for you two.¡± ¡°¡­Seriously, what¡¯s wrong? Why are you so sad all of a sudden?¡± ¡°Sorry, it¡¯s just that we were talking about Koji earlier, and now that all goes up in smoke¡­ again. Good that we didn¡¯t tell Koji about it first¡­¡± She sighed and said, ¡°I haven¡¯t asked my husband yet, have I? Don¡¯t give your sorrow a head start, leave that for the hope.¡± Her husband entered the room right as she started her sentence. ¡°Haven¡¯t asked me what?¡± She turned around, her confidence; substantial, ¡°Perfect timing! I wanted to ask you something about Koji, the guitar boy upstairs.¡± ¡°Go ahead.¡± ¡°Remember when we talked about adoption before?¡± ¡°Ado¡ªwha¡­?¡± ¡°¡­My infertility, we talked about it, right?¡± she whispered, paired with a sharp gaze in her eyes. He scratched the side of his face, ¡°Well, I didn¡¯t think you were that serious about it. Don¡¯t you think decisions like this need a bit more time?¡± ¡°¡­Just follow me.¡± While I was still playing the guitar, they stood in front of my door, listening to me play. ¡°That¡¯s¡­ beautiful. How old is that kid?¡± he whispered. ¡°He turned thirteen a little while ago.¡± ¡°¡­Is he the one you wanted? He¡¯ll be an adult in the flash of a second.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not only a parent before adulthood. He¡¯ll need a place he can call home and come back to. I lived with you and your parents before we got a place of our own, right? Parents are much more than educators for youth. They¡¯re the pillar of support you can always fall back onto. They¡¯re the only guaranteed source of unconditional love. Right now he has none of that.¡± Mister Kuruno knocked on the door and opened it as soon as I let him know he could come in. ¡°¡­¡± He turned his head around and whispered, ¡°What¡¯s his name again?¡± ¡°Koji.¡± ¡°Right¡­¡± he coughed, clearing his throat and restarted, ¡°Koji. Can you help me out with the boxes please?¡± ¡°Ah, uh, sure,¡± I put the guitar aside, ¡°¡­Just loading in the car?¡± ¡°Yes. Won¡¯t take long.¡± I followed him down the stairs into the living room where all the boxes were stacked. Each one of them was labelled with the exact items and their amounts. Neatly organising such things saves a ton of time and effort when it¡¯s time to unpack again. Bigger than the stacks of boxes was the atmosphere hanging in the room. Tanaka¡¯s smile felt very forced, which was a rare sight. On top of that was Miss Kuruno acting odd, unlike earlier when she went to my room where it seemed as if she¡¯d never find a moment to not say anything. Now she really wasn¡¯t saying anything. The husband told the two to leave the lifting to us. We carried the boxes outside and stacked them. When that was done, he opened his car and we started putting the boxes in. Here he said the first word after the initial instructions, ¡°You don¡¯t have to answer, kid. But what are you doing here?¡± ¡°Am I doing something wrong?¡± I quickly asked to reassure my best efforts weren¡¯t an inconvenience. ¡°I mean this place. How long you¡¯ve been here for?¡± His question left me in quietude for a moment. I was never directly confronted with the subject, since most people tip-toe around it, avoiding conflict at all costs. In a weird way it was refreshing to be asked about it. ¡°I was left at the hospital,¡± my answer was short, quiet and lingered around in the air, poking the parts of me where it hurts the most. ¡°Sorry to hear that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright, I¡¯m glad you asked. People don¡¯t usually do that.¡± ¡°Guess I¡¯m as odd as they come, heh.¡± The last few boxes were put in the backseat of the car. ¡°All done. You wanna ride?¡± I panicked again and mistook his ¡®ride¡¯ for ¡®drive¡¯, ¡°Huh? Uh, no. I¡­ I don¡¯t have a licence yet.¡± He put his hand on top of my head, ¡°You¡¯re as odd as they come, too, kiddo. Of course I¡¯ll be the one behind the steering wheel.¡± ¡°¡­Right.¡± ¡°I¡¯m kind of using you to avoid talking to the wife, sorry to bother.¡± ¡°That¡¯s alright.¡± If there¡¯s one thing I can¡¯t subdue, it¡¯s my curious-side. ¡°...May I ask why?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll tell you in the car. I¡¯ll go in and out real quick, to tell them you¡¯re coming with me.¡± He opened the car door of the passenger¡¯s seat and said, ¡°Go ahead and take a seat, I¡¯ll be right back.¡± He went back inside, this is when it started drizzling. For a minute I stared at the raindrops swimming their way down on the windshield. Placing my faith in one of them to be the one coming down first, only for it to merge with the one it was competing with. Mister Kuruno returned with a thermos that had a coffee cup lid on it, so he could directly drink from it instead of having to pour it into the cap. ¡°Portable coffee that will stay warm,¡± he said. ¡°This is the invention of the century. Do you drink coffee?¡± he asked. I shook my head, ¡°I don¡¯t like bitter things that much.¡± ¡°Figures. You¡¯re still young after all.¡± ''Young'', huh. He started the car, turned on the windshield wipers and we drove off, en route towards Tanaka¡¯s new residence. Seated next to him I felt oddly at ease. Normally I tend to get nervous around strangers, especially one on one. Earlier, too, I was panicking at his every comment. All of that seemed to have faded away the moment we sat down in the car. ¡°You play the guitar, too, huh.¡± ¡°Yes. I heard from Miss Kuruno that you play it as well.¡± The slightest of smiles made an appearance on his face, ¡°Sure do. I started out when I was seven, haven¡¯t put it down since.¡± ¡°Me too!¡± I got a little overexcited at the coincidence, ¡°I also started when I was seven years old.¡± He turned the radio¡¯s volume higher when an unfamiliar song started playing. ¡°Hear that kiddo? This is what I lived for.¡± The song that was playing had a very upbeat melody, but when I listened closely, it had melancholic lyrics. ¡°I think it¡¯s pretty good, though I haven¡¯t heard it before.¡± He tittered, ¡°Of course not. It¡¯s an old song from my band.¡± Miss Kuruno had told me that he gave up on the band in pursuit of a better job. I asked him, ¡°Do you regret it?¡± without really thinking whether he knew that I knew. He laughed again, ¡°I never will. Listen, when you make a decision with permanent consequences, you can never look back. Decision¡¯s been made, nothing you can do about it. Regret is a waste of time. There¡¯s plenty of things I wouldn¡¯t have if it weren¡¯t for that decision in particular.¡± He silently added, ¡°I¡¯m speaking like my wife now.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but chuckle at the remark. Not much else was said until we reached Tanaka¡¯s house. He opened the garage with the key he was given. We placed all the boxes from the car into the garage. When all of that was done, we got back into the car, headed to the orphanage again. ¡°Say, kid. You¡¯ve still got hopes for adoption?¡± His questions, those most people wouldn¡¯t dare to ask, never failed to throw me off guard. ¡°¡­Honestly, I don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Good,¡± he said. He hit the brakes to let an old lady cross the road. Silence for as long as she walked. The drizzle was slowly turning into a downpour. He turned the speed of the windshield wipers faster, then, when we started driving again, he continued, ¡°Realistic expectations will leave next to no room for disappointment.¡± I nodded. I agreed word for word with what he said. ¡°Realistic expectations will amplify the effect surprises will have on you.¡± I nodded again. He was a young man in his early twenties like Tanaka and his wife, but sounded like an old wise man that you¡¯d find living in a temple. ¡°Do you like surprises, kid?¡± ¡°Uh, sure?¡± ¡°Good.¡± We stopped at a red light. Silence fell upon us again. It was as if his speaking patterns aligned with the traffic he found himself in. I looked at the windshield wipers wiping back and forth over the glass. The more they wiped, the more it seemed to rain. The lights turned green, his right foot pressed against the accelerator and he turned his head slightly to the side, looking at me through the corners of his eyes. ¡°Call me dad from now on, Koji. Call my wife mom.¡± The never-ending rain on the way home that will serve as my lullaby at night. The bitter smell and taste of coffee that someday I¡¯ll adore. That moment, right there and then, my silver lining in the cloudy life I had lived. Now, I watch the rain from the distance, appreciating the scenery. I can take a sip of a cup filled with those distant days and accept all flavours it holds. My body was frozen in the car seat and my eyes were opened wide. Yet, I couldn¡¯t see a thing through the lens of collective teardrops in my eyes. ¡°Thank you.¡± I wiped them away, but the more I did, the more I cried. ¡°Thank you so much!¡± A married couple, the Kuruno family, twelve years older than I am, decided to adopt someone like me. Miss Kuruno, who I call mom now, is infertile and had always caught interest in adoption. Never in a million years would she have thought it would be a thirteen year old boy, though. There were a lot of changes I could look forward to. A new environment to live in. Mister Kuruno, dad, plays the guitar, just like I do. I couldn¡¯t wait to learn from him. Maybe the biggest of changes, at least in my heart, was that for the first time in my life I would be using the words ¡®mom¡¯ and ¡®dad¡¯ to refer to mine. Unlike my old peers, I couldn¡¯t move away in a heartbeat. Before I would move in with the Kurunos, there was another big event happening in my life; the Nationals. Even if I didn¡¯t live with them just yet, I could¡ªjust like Nomura¡ªcarry the last name with pride. Time for a reintroduction perhaps¡­ I¡¯m no longer the guitar, I am Kuruno Koji! 6. The Sound of Thunder THE NATIONALS, a two-day long contest. The winner and runner-up from the Music Contests in every prefecture would be finding their way to the main contest. Tokyo, where it''ll be taking place, had the most oversaturated local contest, and would be having four contestants in the Nationals. The first day consisted of all ninety-six contestants playing a two minute long version of a song they had chosen. Then, the judges would choose a third of the contestants, thirty-two, who''d be battling it out on Sunday. The second day was broadcasted on television. Both the judges and the audiences¡¯ votes counted towards the final to select a winner. It was Saturday, early in the morning, and I was on the train with mom. She picked me up at the orphanage, then we made our way to the station. Since the first time I met her, she¡¯s been regularly visiting me. At first, I had trouble calling her mom or mother, but she strongly insisted that I did. And in the short time that had passed, she got it drilled into me. This was the first time the two of us were on an outing together. I had already been out with my father to help Tanaka move¡ªif that counts as an outing at least. This time, however, he couldn¡¯t make it because of work, but I told him not to worry, since there¡¯s still the finals on Sunday where he could watch me play. On the train, my legs kept shaking up and down and every now and then I¡¯d let out a sigh. ¡°Nervous?¡± ¡°Uh-huh.¡± She chuckled and patted the top of my head, ¡°It¡¯ll be alright. Be a little more confident.¡± I deeply inhaled, held my breath for a few seconds, then exhaled again. This did not calm me down in the slightest. ¡°I need to go to the toilet real quick.¡± I handed her my guitar, stood up and walked through the train carriage. I walked past a man eating sukiyaki, a Japanese hotpot. Both the sight of it and its scent made my stomach hurt. Earlier in the morning, I couldn¡¯t eat a bite from Hibino¡¯s breakfast. Even thinking about food would be enough to make me feel this churning in my stomach. I always get like this when my nerves rise to the maximum levels. I made it to the toilet. When I walked out again, I kept in mind to close my eyes and stop breathing when nearing the man with the good food. After taking about a dozen steps with closed eyes, I opened them again. The slow rising of my eyelids made the sight after even more dramatic. Right in front of me stood someone whose train trip definitely held the same destination as mine. ¡°Koji?¡± The person standing there, perhaps as nervous as I was, called out to me. What does one say in a situation like this? ¡°It¡¯s been a while, hasn¡¯t it?¡± She nodded repeatedly. ¡°I¡¯ve been practising a whole lot since the Shizuoka Contest!¡± Her eyes radiated determination. ¡°If you¡¯ve been slacking, even a little, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ve caught up to you.¡± When people say things like that, I can¡¯t help but smile. This is the sort of rivalry I had longed for. Someone who¡¯s right on my heels in terms of skill with no sign of slowing down. Someone who you could root for, all the while wanting to beat them and be better than them. Even though we had only faced each other once before, Katou was who I would call my biggest rival. Sorry, Fujita, but you don¡¯t even come close. My following words, declaring the start of a contest before the real one began, were simple, ¡°Bring it on!¡± This entire conversation was held in the middle of the carriage between the seats. With everyone seated on those seats eyeing at us. When the clueless pair, being us, realised this, we quickly got awkward. ¡°Um, I¡¯m going to the toilet.¡± ¡°Right¡­ I¡¯ll be heading back to my seat.¡± I thought I wouldn¡¯t see her again until we arrived at the station or the venue, even. But I was wrong. When I headed back to my seat, I saw my mother sitting with not only my guitar case, but also another. ¡°Two guitars?¡± I asked her. ¡°Yes, from a girl who passed by earlier,¡± she said. She went on to explain that a girl with a guitar case had walked past her, but suddenly panicked. When she asked her what¡¯s wrong, she told her that she needed to use the toilet but didn¡¯t know what to do with her guitar. That¡¯s when mother offered to hold the girl¡¯s guitar. It doesn¡¯t take a genius to connect those dots. When about a minute had passed, I saw her walking by again. Her being Katou of course. ¡°Thanks for holding on to my¡ª Koji again?!¡± ¡°¡­Hello.¡± Mom was giving me side glances, ¡°Do you know her, Koji?¡± ¡°¡­I do.¡± ¡°Hmmm~¡± the suggestive look she was giving me only got worse the longer I stayed silent. ¡°Why don¡¯t you introduce me to this lovely lady?¡± She asked as she leaned her head on the palm of her hand. She was enjoying every bit of my embarrassment. ¡°¡­This is Katou. She won the Shizuoka contest where I was the runner-up.¡± I turned my head sideways, ¡°Katou, this is my mother.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you,¡± she said with a bow, right before sitting down next to me. ¡°Nice to meet you, too.¡± ¡°What a coincidence,¡± she was speaking with a vibrant smile, ¡°to think I¡¯d give your mother my guitar to hold on to.¡± ¡°How are you doing?¡± my mother jumped in suddenly. ¡°Koji over here is one nervous wreck.¡± ¡°I¡¯m doing fine,¡± she claimed. ¡°Just a little nervous.¡± She admitted to being a little nervous, though her legs were shaking up and down even worse than mine were earlier. At this point in time, I was getting a little worried. The train to Tokyo took about an hour, but when Katou sat down next to me, we weren¡¯t even fifteen minutes away from our starting point. Three more of those fifteen minutes before we would arrive at our destination. I didn¡¯t know how I¡¯d handle it. ¡°Say, Katou,¡± I grabbed her attention. ¡°Are you travelling all the way to Tokyo on your own?¡± ¡°Yup!¡± She seemed rather proud about it. ¡°Oh, by the way. Which song will you be playing? Another original?¡± ¡°No, not this time. I¡¯ll be playing One more time, One more chance.¡± This song was written by Masayashi Yamazaki. Somewhere I could relate to the song. That¡¯s why I was drawn to it and wanted to learn how to play it. After months of practising potential songs to play, I¡¯m ready to show this one off to the judges. Though, I knew that the song was rather popular and that the chances existed that someone else would be playing it, too. Inevitably, if that happens, I¡¯ll be compared to them even more than I¡¯d be compared to others, but all I can do is try as hard as I can. The other contestants aren¡¯t my main focus. ¡°Interesting¡­¡± she closed her eyes, she must¡¯ve been imagining how it would sound coming out of my hands. ¡°I¡¯ll be taking after your example back in Shizuoka.¡± Once again she had that determined look in her eyes. ¡°I¡¯ll be playing an original. Look forward to it,¡± she smiled. I was curious how many other people had it in them to bring an original song to a contest on national level. My admiration for her certainly increased after hearing that. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to hear it,¡± mom said. Then, Katou¡¯s stomach started growling. ¡°¡­¡± She looked at me, then she turned as red as my guitar, ¡°Ha-haa, these seats make some weird noises,¡± she said while patting them with both her hands. She tried playing it off like that, to which we didn¡¯t say a word. Not until ten seconds later when her stomach growled again. ¡°Hahaha¡­ these seats, huh¡­¡± Her forced laugh was anything but believable. ¡°Maybe we should go sit somewhere else...¡± ¡°Katou¡­ if you¡¯re hungry, just eat,¡± I said. ¡°Easy for a guy to say,¡± she mumbled underneath her breath. Mother nodded with her eyes closed, she seemed to be agreeing with Katou for some reason. ¡°Gosh, I¡¯m so hungry,¡± she whisper-cried. This is something that has kept me baffled throughout the years and still does now. Just how often can a girl say that she¡¯s hungry before she¡¯ll eat. Well, in this case, it took about fifteen minutes until I offered my packed lunch to her. ¡°Are you sure? Like, completely sure?¡± ¡°Yes. I¡¯m not hungry anyway.¡± ¡°Thanks for the food,¡± she cheered. Seeing her eat didn¡¯t quite make my stomach hurt like the man¡¯s sukiyaki earlier. Not that I could take a bite. The thought alone would¡¯ve made me throw up. However, I did find myself staring at the little glutton gobbling up the food out of the bento box without my stomach aching. She looked kind of cute while eating, sort of like a hamster. Though a hamster wouldn¡¯t say, ¡°¡­Stop staring, please.¡± And making me embarrassed in her stead. ¡°Here you go,¡± she said, while handing the box back to me. ¡°I left half of it in there for you.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± About ten minutes of chit-chat passed by before she started glancing back and forth between my mother and the bento box. ¡°If you want what¡¯s left, you can take that, too,¡± I said. ¡°Really? Are you sure?¡± ¡°It¡¯s all yours.¡± * * * Once at the venue, we parted ways with mom and followed a man in a suit who brought us to a large room. There we waited for a good while until everyone was present. I was so nervous at the time, that I didn¡¯t say a word while waiting and simply stared at my shoes the entire time. When everyone arrived, another man in a suit spoke to us with his microphone. ¡°Welcome everyone. Today is a special day for all of you. the National Junior Music Contest. But¡­ it wouldn¡¯t be a contest if there were no winners and losers. Just know one thing. Everyone who made it to this point should be proud of themselves. Even if you don¡¯t make it to day two, we¡¯ll still be here next year. Same time, same place. Never give up! You guys have potential¡ªall of you.¡± I¡¯m pretty sure his speech was meant as a consolation. Not that he was wrong, though. Being the winner or runner-up in your own prefecture already is quite the feat. But of course we want to go beyond that. Otherwise we wouldn¡¯t be here, fighting for a place on Sunday¡¯s television broadcast. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s dive into the details. Everyone is assigned a number, this will be the order you¡¯re appearing in front of the judges. When number one is playing, both number two and three make their way backstage. Number one is done and returns here, number four makes his way backstage. Is that clear?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± it echoed through the room. ¡°Great. This part of the contest will be filmed by the film crew, some clips of it will be briefly played during the live broadcasting of the finals tomorrow.¡± Hearing this boosted my nerves through the roof. I think there wasn¡¯t a single part of my body that wasn¡¯t trembling. ¡°Anyway, there will be a short break when half of you are done. Then we¡¯ll just resume as we were going. Finally, after all of you brilliant virtuosos-in-the-making have played, we will announce who made the cut for tomorrow. Good luck everyone.¡± I was nervous, so was Katou and everyone in close proximity to us. When a nervous person is put in a room with nothing but other nervous people, it will only get worse. While I was trying to distract myself from these feelings, a few people were walking around, giving contestants their corresponding numbers. When one of them reached me she asked, ¡°Name?¡± ¡°Koji,¡± I said. Out of habit, I said nothing other than my first name, ¡°Uh, Kuruno Koji,¡± but then quickly remembered that I entered this contest as just ¡®Koji¡¯, ¡°Um, maybe it¡¯s just Koji,¡± I said. ¡°Here you go,¡± she handed me my number without wasting much time. It was number forty-seven. I would be the second to last person playing before the break. ¡°What¡¯s your number?¡± Katou asked. ¡°Forty-seven. Yours?¡± She looked me in the eyes, all fire and determination were lost. ¡°Ninety-six. I¡¯m last.¡± The second worst place to be in. The only thing worse would be being first. Everyone will be attentively listening to your performance since you¡¯re the first one of the day. The judges won¡¯t have an idea yet on how strict they have to handle you since they can¡¯t compare you with anyone. Being the last one is the second worst, for similar and different reasons. Like with being first, everyone will be attentively listening since you¡¯re the last one of the day. When you¡¯re done, the day will be done. But being last also means that everyone will be playing before you. Your nerves will be building up until the very end when it¡¯s finally your turn. ¡°¡­It¡¯ll be alright,¡± I said, with little to no sound of reassurance in my voice. ¡°I hope so¡­¡± She sat down on the ground with her back against the wall, curling her legs up close to her body. Her stomach growled again. ¡°It¡¯s still a long while until the break¡­ Do you think you¡¯ll be fine?¡± She buried her face in her curled up legs, ¡°¡­Jeez.¡± Every contestant had about two minutes of time to play their song. On top of that, I think it took roughly half a minute for the next contestant to get ready. After a little less than two hours, it was my turn to wait backstage. ¡°Good luck,¡± Katou said with her hands clenched into fists. ¡°I¡¯ll be waiting in the audience.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± The person who was currently playing, played the accordion. She looked very energetic while doing so. The other person back-stage, quite a bit older looking than I did, was a violinist. He held a sharp and serious gaze on his face. When I closed the door behind me, he turned his head. ¡°Guitar, huh. What song?¡± ¡°One more time, One more chance,¡± I said. ¡°What about¡ª¡± Suddenly the judges and the audience applauded. ¡°I¡¯m next. See you.¡± He walked onto the stage, shoved the chair in the middle away and placed his chin down on his violin. Without saying a word to the judges, he dramatically stretched his arm up high before rapidly bringing it down again, striking his bow on his instrument¡¯s strings. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. At the very first second I recognised the song. I never thought I would be hearing it out of a violin. The song that Fuyuko used to practise a ton on the piano; Moonlight Sonata, third movement. It¡¯s one of the few songs I had given up on trying to master after practising for weeks. It¡¯s incredibly difficult to play on a guitar. The same goes for the violin. His serious gaze from earlier didn¡¯t fade. His focus and dedication could be felt through the expression on his face alone. I couldn¡¯t believe what I was seeing. There are people who are this good at the Nationals? My nervousness from before got worse once more. The next person opened the door and walked in, to which I turned my head. It was a fellow guitarist. I was too nervous to say anything, and simply waited for the violinist to be done with his performance. My heart was throbbing in my throat. The audience applauded to number forty-six¡¯s performance. The judges confirmed his number and name after the performance. Apparantly, the violinist wasn''t acting cool or anything, he simply forgot. It was now my turn to play. I walked onto the stage. With every other step, my vision got a little blurry, restoring itself, only to get blurry again. It wasn¡¯t particularly hot before, but suddenly I felt as if I was melting. A drop of sweat slid its way down my forehead and while I turned my head to the judges, it landed in my right eye via my eyelash, making it sting. I closed the eye, making it look like a clumsy wink at the judges. One of them crossed his arms and watched me closely walk across the stage. ¡°Number forty-seven, Koji. Correct?¡± I nodded, ¡°C¡­Correct.¡± ¡°Please state your song and start playing.¡± ¡°One more time, One more chance¡­¡± I sat down, closed my eyes and tightly held on to my guitar. Doing this made me forget all about the cameras, all about the audience and all about the judges, too. My thumb gently glided over the strings from the top down, while I used my other fingers to strum the strings from underneath. I sang the words in my head, whilst still keeping my eyes shut. When I did so, only a single person filled the darkness behind the back of my eyelids. I didn¡¯t feel nervous anymore, I felt rather calm even. Wishing but a single thing; that she would be listening right now. If I believed with all my heart that these feelings would come across, then the sound of these notes would be mine and mine alone. No other contestant playing the same song could replicate this. When the short version of the song came to an end, I stood up and bowed in response to the applause. While returning back-stage, I couldn¡¯t help but think how silly all of this was. A single conversation during lunch break back in elementary school is what made all of this possible. And now, here I am. In Big Tokyo with a guitar in my small hands, I thought to myself while looking at the palms of my hands. Once again, I found myself wondering how the others were doing, wondering if they would be watching me on the TV tomorrow. Not long after I finished, it was time for the break. I went to the entrance hall of the venue. I stood there for a minute before I saw both mom and Katou approaching. ¡°Koji!¡± Katou yelled out. ¡°Where did you find the time to get even better?¡± Mother chuckled, ¡°You were so good out there!¡± ¡°¡­Thank you.¡± As confident as I was with my guitar, I still couldn¡¯t handle compliments well. ¡°Watching you play gave me that little push I needed, now I feel¡ª¡± She got interrupted by the often recurring sound of her stomach growling. ¡°Hungry?¡± I asked. She held her head down, ¡°¡­Let¡¯s go eat lunch.¡± We went to a convenience store to get some pre-packed lunches. One for each of us, and one extra just in case. It¡¯s really anyone¡¯s guess who ate that one¡­ On top of the double-lunch, she went back for a snack after that. Even though she was the biggest eater I had ever seen, her body didn¡¯t show it one bit. I guess there are people like that, who eat for two but don¡¯t gain any weight. The break lasted only forty-five minutes. After we ate lunch we made our ways back to the venue. This time, instead of going to the large room again, I sat down in the audience. Patiently waiting for the person who would be playing last. While watching the other performances, I grew more confident in both my and Katou¡¯s chances of making it through to the next round. Not that anyone was significantly worse than us. It¡¯s only that no one was on the violinist¡¯s level, I feared his level of skill more than any other contestant. Time flew by rather quickly, since my nerves of playing were gone, but they started increasing again the closer we got to the last performance. My rival would be playing, and after that, we would know who made it to the next round. ¡°It¡¯s Katou!¡± mom said while repeatedly bumping me with her elbow. The way she walked onto the stage made it look as if she wasn¡¯t nervous at all. Perhaps she really wasn¡¯t, though that¡¯s harder to believe than her being good at hiding it. ¡°You¡¯re the last one today, number ninety-six.¡± ¡°Katou Emiko. I will be playing an original song. It¡¯s called ¡®Silent Mayhem¡¯.¡± She bowed, sat down on the chair and tapped a calm rhythm with her feet. She pushed a string down with her thumb, letting the lingering sound echo through the room. Then played another in similar fashion. Suddenly the tempo increased. The melody she was playing made me feel as if I was watching a fairy tale unfold on stage, right in front of my eyes. Through the trees in the forest was a clearing where she sat down on a fallen-down tree trunk. The sunlight beaming through the leaves hanging from the crowns of the trees. This peacefulness was the ¡®Silent¡¯ part of her song. Such peace that foretells terror. The slightly increased, light-hearted tempo got crushed by low notes. As if the sunlight in the forest clearing got blocked by dark grey thunder-clouds. Mayhem. I¡¯m not sure which symbolism gave her the idea to make a song like this. My childish interpretation was probably incorrect, but I couldn¡¯t help but see her in that sunlight, disturbed by warring clouds. The fairy tale melody disturbed by the sound of thunder. The severer my gaze, the more I started seeing it. Hints of it perhaps. Fractions. Maybe it was my imagination, my mind¡¯s deceit. But I don¡¯t think I could fake it. That display right there, a glimpse of the angel. Her performance ended. We stood up to applaud. Even before it was announced I could tell that we would be facing off in the finals the following day. ¡°That was really, really good. Both of you got something special in those little hands of yours.¡± I smiled, ¡°I¡¯ll be going back to the other contestants. See you in a bit.¡± ¡°Good luck out there!¡± I walked down the stairs. I wasn¡¯t the only contestant leaving the audience, the violinist himself was walking right behind me. ¡°Number forty-seven,¡± he said. I turned around, ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°Nothing. Just saying your name.¡± What a weirdo, I thought. ¡°Think you¡¯ll go through?¡± he asked right before we were out the door. ¡°I do,¡± I admitted with no hesitation. ¡°You¡¯ve got no doubts either, right?¡± With that intense gaze of his, he smugly smiled and said, ¡°Of course.¡± We entered the big room again, right when Katou came back from the stage. ¡°Saw that, Koji?¡± ¡°I did,¡± I said. ¡°You¡¯ve improved a whole lot in such little time.¡± ¡°Think so? That makes the two of us,¡± she smiled. One of the men in suits returned with his microphone and gathered everyone. ¡°The judges will discuss things now. It will probably take thirty minutes at most. I just want to add one thing; all of you were fantastic! I was standing on the side of the stage the entire time, none of you should feel ashamed of not making the cut later on. There¡¯s a reason why the judges need this much time to decide¡ªit¡¯s because all of you are amazing.¡± He kept on going like that for a while. I truly hoped he meant word for word what he was saying. He finally ended his speech with, ¡°The last thing I want to say to you all¡­ is thank you. Thank you for coming here today and giving it your all out there on stage. When you guys become superstars, don¡¯t forget about me. I¡¯ll be the first in line for your signatures. Good luck with the further round.¡± Everyone clapped. His words, at least on my part, were successful. I didn¡¯t forget about him. ¡°Want to go somewhere?¡± Katou asked me. ¡°Nowhere in particular, do you?¡± She sat down with her back against the wall again like earlier this morning, ¡°No, I was sorta hoping you didn¡¯t want to go anywhere either. My nerves are eating me whole, you know¡­¡± ¡°Your nerves take after you then,¡± I joked. The tense mood felt like a good place for a light hearted joke. ¡°Hey, what do you mean by that?¡± she laughed. We sat down, waiting for time to pass. In stressful situations like those, however, it really is best to do something to distract yourself from the feeling of every passing second. The first ten minutes alone felt like an hour. We needed to go through two more of those. ¡°Katou¡­¡± ¡°Hm? What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really want to go anywhere either, but can we do something, though? It feels as if time has stopped moving.¡± She raised her head, staring at the ceiling, ¡°Good point. What should we do?¡± I copied her, my eyes fixated on the ceiling, ¡°No clue.¡± ¡°We could thumb wrestle,¡± she suggested. I couldn¡¯t help but laugh at her childish suggestion. ¡°What? Don¡¯t wanna?¡± I held out my hand, ¡°I¡¯ll beat you in this, too.¡± ¡°What do you mean ¡®too¡¯?¡± She firmly clasped her hand in mine and we started playing our little game of thumb wrestling. It¡¯s not really anything to brag about, but I¡¯m rather good at it. So, naturally, I beat her. She pouted after the first round, ¡°Let¡¯s play something else.¡± ¡°Something else to add to the list?¡± She fell for my bait and asked, ¡°What list?¡± ¡°My list of things I¡¯m better at than you.¡± She balled her hand in a fist and softly punched my shoulder. ¡°Let¡¯s play ¡®two truths, one lie¡¯,¡± the violinist said. ¡°Woah! When did you get here?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been sitting next to you the entire time,¡± he told me. I must¡¯ve been too nervous to realise. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s play that,¡± I said. ¡°You can start if you want.¡± I had never played the game before, but its name spoke for itself. Someone says two truths and one lie. The others try to guess which ones are true and which one is a lie. ¡°Sure. I once failed a math test so terribly that I ended up eating it to avoid showing it to my parents.¡± ¡°I hope that¡¯s the lie,¡± Katou said, wide eyed. I nodded heavily in agreement. ¡°Next¡­ Ah, one time I needed to use the bathroom at school, but I don¡¯t do too well with using the toilet with strangers around¡­ so I rang the fire alarm to have some peace and quiet in the bathroom.¡± ¡°That¡­ that has to be the lie, right?¡± I said, with my mouth as wide opened as my eyes. ¡°Last one¡­¡± he continued as if all he was saying was perfectly ordinary. ¡°When I was on duty for feeding our class¡¯s pet fish in elementary school, I forgot to feed him all week. So, on Friday I fed it a week¡¯s worth of fish food which he ate in a single go. We found it dead on Monday.¡± Both Katou and I were left speechless. I hoped they were all lies. ¡°Is the second one the lie?¡± I asked. ¡°I think it¡¯s the second one, too,¡± Katou said. He closed his eyes and said, ¡°Ah. Sorry, I forgot to tell a lie.¡± ¡°Those were all true?!¡± My impression of the violinist changed entirely after that single interaction. The man, who I thought was the most brilliant musician present in the room, turned out to be brilliant in no other regard. We gave up on playing games to kill time and waited for time to pass. When half an hour had finally passed, the man with the microphone was back. ¡°Everyone. On this sheet of paper I¡¯m holding are the names and numbers of thirty-two contestants written. They¡¯re put in a randomised order, so fret not if a number higher than yours has been called. Oh, and you will be called in pairs of four. If you¡¯re called, please make your way to the stage. This part will also be part of the television broadcast, I¡¯ll be doing the official announcement soon. Good luck everyone, just know that you¡¯ve all made me proud.¡± The film crew came walking through the door. One of the camera¡¯s was pointed towards the announcer. ¡°Good evening, Japan. Are you ready for the National Junior Music Contest¡¯s final round to begin? We over here in the capital Tokyo are as ready as ready can get! Every prefecture across the country sent two of their best juniors our way to compete here for a spot on the roster of the final thirty-two.¡± A camera filming from above went over the little crowd in the large room. ¡°It¡¯s time to reveal who made the cut for the finals. The first four people who¡¯ll be battling it out¡­ Give it up for Tokyo¡¯s prefecture winner, Kashimoto!¡± The person next to me stood up. The Tokyo prefecture, the hardest one to win, was won by no one other than the violinist. ¡°Fukuoka runner-up, Takagi! Ehime runner-up Ito! And Shizuoka winner, Katou!¡± The two people sitting next to me were both standing now. I looked at Katou and felt the delight of her smile spreading over to my face like a contagious disease. ¡°You did it!¡± For a moment she couldn¡¯t quite find the words, then she said, ¡°I¡¯ll see you on stage.¡± The next four people were called to the stage. Then the next four followed. Then the next. The next. The next. Until, finally, it was time for the final four. 7. Moonlit Movements AT LAST, the final four people who¡¯d be making it to the finals on Sunday were announced. ¡°The final four people are no one other than; Osaka winner; Yoshida, Tokyo runner-up; Hattori, Hokkaido winner; Ueda and the last person joining the thirty-two contestants is¡­¡± Silence. Not a sound in the room. The tension: palpable. ¡°Kyoto winner; Kurusu!¡± Some people in the crowd cheered. Some didn¡¯t. Oh, where I am? On stage, of course. I was in the third batch of people who got called on stage. When all thirty-two of us were present in front of the audience, we bowed. That concluded Saturday, the first day of the two-day long contest. I waved to mom while walking off the stage. Once in the large room again, I spoke with my rivals. ¡°Good luck tomorrow.¡± ¡°You¡¯re gonna need luck more than I do.¡± The violinist¡¯s smug remark was followed by silly, devilish laughter. ¡°I can¡¯t wait for tomorrow!¡± Katou said. We parted ways with Kashimoto, the violinist. Katou and I went to the entrance hall, waiting for mom to arrive so we could leave the venue and head to the train station. That night, I dug deep into my sheet music, looking for a surprise song to play. For a while I had an idea of which song I would want to try, but actually pulling it off would be really hard. ¡°I found it,¡± I murmured to myself. I had been practising this on the guitar ever since I heard Fuyuko play it on the piano. I still can¡¯t do it perfectly, but if I want any chance at beating Kashimoto and Katou tomorrow, it had to be that song. I took my guitar out of its case and started practising until it was midnight. The following day, I didn¡¯t have to wake up early, since the live broadcast took place in the evening, but I still did. A little after seven, I was out of bed, practising again. After two hours of doing so, I got about enough appetite to eat breakfast. I quickly gulped it down and resumed my practice. It wasn¡¯t going well. The song I was trying to play is originally played on the piano. The way I had to hold my guitar to get the notes right was incredibly difficult. Before I knew it, it was noon. Right after eating lunch, I was picked up by mom and dad. Headed to the train station. ¡°I heard you did great out there yesterday,¡± dad said. I nodded, ¡°I¡¯ll be even better today.¡± If I was confident in my words, it might translate into my performance. That¡¯s what I hoped, at least. Once we were on the train, mom suddenly asked me about Katou, ¡°Do you think Katou is also on this train?¡± ¡°Katou?¡± Dad asked. ¡°A young lady, also from Shizuoka. She was with us the entire day yesterday. I think she¡¯ll get far into the tournament as well.¡± ¡°She might be on this train, though I wouldn¡¯t know.¡± For a second, the entire train carriage fell silent. At that moment, of course it had to be at that moment, the thing that broke the silence was the sound of a growling stomach. I stood up, and looked at the direction where it came from. Even though I thought my mouth was shut tight, I couldn¡¯t suppress the surprised shout, ¡°Katou?¡± It was indeed Katou whose stomach was growling. ¡°Hm? Is Katou sitting over there?¡± mother asked me. I sat down again and nodded. ¡°Go fetch her.¡± ¡°Wha¡ª why¡­?¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t want a young lady to sit all alone, right?¡± I sighed, knowing that there was no way out of this. I stood up again and walked over to the three-seats next to each other where Katou was sitting. ¡°¡­Hey, Katou¡ª¡± I instantly stopped speaking when I saw that she wasn¡¯t alone at all. When I said her name, two people looked up. Both Katou and an older looking version of Katou sitting next to her. The older one tilted her head and squinted her eyes, ¡°Who might you be~¡± She didn¡¯t say it like a question, it was more a form of teasing than anything else. Are all adults like this? ¡°I¡¯m Kuruno Koji,¡± I said. I wanted to add that I¡¯m Katou¡¯s rival, but that would be too embarrassing to say out loud. Instead I said, ¡°I¡¯m also a contestant in the Nationals.¡± ¡°Oh, so you two are rivals¡­ Why don¡¯t you sit down with us?¡± She patted the empty seat between them. ¡°¡­Well, I actually came over here to fetch Katou.¡± I accidentally ended up using my mom''s words. This only made the awkward situation even more unbearable. ¡°Fetch huh¡­ quite the aggressive kid you are~¡± She turned her gaze towards Katou, ¡°Hey, Emiko¡­ you haven¡¯t said anything yet.¡± ¡°Hello, Koji... This is my older sister,¡± she opened the palm of her hand gesturing at her. Her sister¡¯s face lost all sense of teasing, she looked shocked for some reason. ¡°¡­First name basis and everything, are you two more than rivals?¡± ¡°I¡¯m heading back, good luck in the finals.¡± ¡°And away he goes,¡± her sister said. I walked back to my seat and told mom that Katou wasn¡¯t alone so we didn¡¯t have to worry about leaving a young lady all by herself. The rest of the trip flew by in an instant. After we arrived at the station we made our way to the venue. On our way there we didn¡¯t bump into Katou again. She was most likely held up by her stomach to eat something. The first familiar face I ran into was no one other than the violinist, Kashimoto. ¡°Yo, number forty-seven,¡± he fully stretched his arm out in the air. ¡°Hello,¡± for some reason I did the same. I turned around and introduced him to my parents, ¡°This is Kashimoto, he plays the violin.¡± He bowed, ¡°Nice to meet you.¡± During our greetings in front of the venue, the Katou sisters showed up. ¡°Ah, it¡¯s Koji again.¡± I introduced them both as well. Then hastily made my way into the large room with my two rivals. The first thing I noticed was the large television screen placed in the room. My guess was that it would be playing the live broadcast. ¡°So¡­ Which songs will you guys be playing today?¡± Katou asked. For the final round, we would be playing a song of our choice again, though I can imagine most people would be going with their choice for yesterday¡¯s round. ¡°Same as yesterday,¡± Kashimoto said. ¡°I don¡¯t know yet,¡± I admitted, which caused quite the surprise on both their faces. ¡°Do you mean¡­ that you have more than one song ready to go?¡± I turned my head to Katou and nodded, ¡°Yeah, I do.¡± Then, the same announcer from yesterday entered the room. ¡°Hello¡ªhello, everyone! Let¡¯s dive right into it, shall we? Today¡¯s schedule is a lot tighter than yesterday¡¯s since we¡¯ll be live on television.¡± He glanced at the sheet of paper he was holding. ¡°The first round will start in about twenty minutes. It¡¯s called the ¡®Technical Round¡¯.¡± I looked at Kashimoto, maybe he had a clue what that meant, but he shrugged his shoulders. ¡°In the technical round, everyone will be playing a technically difficult song to play. There¡¯s a specific song paired with every instrument. Based on this round, the judges will choose half of you to go through to the next round.¡± I felt my knees shaking, I was getting nervous again. ¡°The sixteen people left will advance to the next round. That round is the ¡®Improvise Based on a Given Theme Round¡¯ we couldn¡¯t come up with a better name,¡± he laughed. ¡°Well, anyway, in that round, you¡¯ll be given a theme by the judges and improvise a song based on it.¡± That sounded tough. I was confident in my technical ability, but improvising a song, given only a single shot, would be really hard on me. ¡°Then finally, the last round. Eight contestants will be playing a song of their choice. Both the judges and the audience will get to vote. At the very end, there¡¯ll be a performance from the winner. Everyone got that?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± it echoed through the room, though it lacked the confidence it did yesterday. For the technical round, we appeared in the same order we were called to the stage the day prior. Kashimoto as the first contestant, Katou as number four and me as number eleven. The first round was nerve-wracking, but I did pretty good. If there¡¯s anything I don¡¯t lack, it¡¯s technique. It¡¯s especially something I can¡¯t lack if I want to go through with using the song I was practising at home instead of the one I already played in front of the judges. Number thirty-two walked back into the large room, and everyone fell silent. Not that Katou, Kashimoto or I had said anything before, we¡¯re all way too nervous. And the camera crew filming a live broadcast isn¡¯t helping much either. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen! Get ready for the final sixteen contestants to be announced¡­¡± Katou was trembling pretty badly. This technical round was hard on her, but surely she would flourish in the next. This order might¡¯ve been in her favour then, since this round she¡¯ll be compared to thirty-one people instead of a meagre fifteen. ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± I said. ¡°All three of us will make it all the way to the final eight.¡± She slightly opened her mouth, but didn¡¯t say anything. ¡°Please welcome to the stage; Takagi¡ª¡± She pinched my upper arm and said, ¡°Push my shoulder if I¡¯m in.¡± She closed her eyes and shut her ears with her fingers. The next five contestants were announced. ¡°¡ªKashimoto.¡± He stood up and walked towards the door leading up to the stage. The next contestants got announced until two spots were left. She kicked her foot around, hitting my leg, then worriedly whispered, ¡°¡­You¡¯re still here.¡± She let go of her ears and opened her eyes, ¡°Guess we were a little too full of ourselves, huh.¡± ¡°And now¡­ the final two people¡­¡± Her eyes opened wide, she thought it was over already. ¡°¡ªAre no one other than; Katou and Koji!!¡± With tears in her eyes, she jumped up from joy, ¡°We did it, Koji! We did it!¡± I stood up, unable to contain the brightest of smiles on my face. We really did it. On stage with the other contestants, we bowed in front of the audience and disappeared again into the large room. This time we would be going on stage in the order we were called now, meaning that I¡¯d be going last. I told Katou and Kashimoto that I was going outside for a bit, to take a breather. But my actual plan was to practise my trump card, the song I had been practising in secret. I walked out of the venue and sat down a little further away on a deserted bench under a lamppost. With my guitar in my hands, I started playing the song. It felt impossible to do. Not only was I still shaking from earlier, I couldn¡¯t get it perfect past the opening. I tried again, which went slightly better than the first time. Then, suddenly, ¡°¡­Koji?¡± I turned my head around and saw Katou. ¡°¡­Are you seriously playing a song that complicated? Are you sure you won¡¯t be making any mistakes?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll make mistakes,¡± I said. ¡°But I¡¯ve decided. This is the only song that could possibly beat you and Kashimoto.¡± I looked her in the eyes, I was seated under the light of the lamppost while she was standing on its opposite side in the dark, ¡°I will win the Nationals, Katou.¡± She sat down next to me, ¡°If losing means that you¡¯ll win, then it¡¯s fine by me¡­¡± ¡°¡­What¡¯s gotten into you?¡± She lifted her legs onto the bench and hugged them tight. ¡°Going through the technical round made me really happy, but I don¡¯t think I can make it any further¡­ let alone winning the final round.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say that. You¡¯re good enough to win, too. Let¡¯s give it all we''ve got out there.¡± She turned her head and looked at me with her droopy eyes. ¡°I just don¡¯t know anymore. I want to play Silent Mayhem in front of my sister,¡± her lips trembled. ¡°I told her I would let her listen to it for the first time in the finals.¡± We didn¡¯t say anything for a while, ¡°Koji. My sister will be studying overseas¡­ she might even end up staying there, so I won¡¯t be able to see her for a while. A long while probably. That¡¯s why I have to win. If I get the winner¡¯s performance I can play the song while singing the lyrics, that will be my parting gift.¡± She looked into my eyes, ¡°But I lost my confidence earlier. I don¡¯t think I can do it.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t this what your song is all about?¡± I asked. My question took her off guard, ¡°¡­Huh?¡± ¡°The peace, disturbed by the sound of thunder. Silence before Mayhem. I like the beginning of your song. It¡¯s like a fairy tale melody.¡± From the way she was looking at me, I could tell that she was listening closely to what I was saying. ¡°But, if it were nothing but the opening melody, the song would be rather dull. I like the sudden increase in tempo.¡± A slight smile appeared on her face. ¡°And what I love the most is when the thunder strikes. The deep and loud notes that turns your strumming into drumming on the strings.¡± After saying that, something connected in my mind. The single thing I was missing in my own piece. Drumming instead of strumming; the intensity of the song. ¡°Anyway, what I¡¯m trying to say is; right now, the lightning strikes, summoning the sound of thunder. Those negative feelings are your fuel. You¡¯re at your best when you play like that. So don¡¯t fear parting with your sister, embrace today¡¯s chance to show her a Katou at her very best.¡± ¡°...Thanks, Koji,¡± she determinedly clenched her fists in an all too familiar manner. ¡°I¡¯ll give it all I¡¯ve got in the next round!¡± We had been outside for a while, any longer and we would be too late for our own performances. The second round, improvised play based on a theme given by the judges. As I told Katou in the large room, this was her strong suit. When it was her turn to go on stage, I went with her and waited behind the curtains backstage. ¡°Give it up for Katou, everyone!!¡± the announcer yelled out. ¡°Now, judges, what will her theme be?¡± The judges shared a few whispers between them, surely they had already planned the themes beforehand, but whispering like that is brilliant for keeping everyone in suspense. Then one of the judges nodded and said, ¡°Your theme will be ¡®Identity Crisis¡¯, good luck.¡± I would¡¯ve swallowed my guitar whole at those words. How would one improvise a song about identity crisis, I thought. But then I remembered that this indeed was Katou¡¯s strong suit. Her Silent Mayhem would even qualify as a song with Identity Crisis as theme. ¡°Ooh, a tough one. But if anyone¡¯s capable of doing it, it has to be Katou! Best of luck¡­¡± This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Katou took a deep breath before gently strumming the strings right above the sound hole. Moving her fingers up, the notes gracefully danced their way into my ears. Now, time for the crisis. For every ten seconds of calm, followed a strumming turned drumming on the strings. A sound so loud and aggressive followed by her gentle notes to turn into a bold noise again. I was absolutely loving it. The double-faced song, every sound the polar opposite of the previous. The melodic embodiment of Thalia and Melpomene; Comedy and Tragedy, but Katou¡¯s spin on it, crisis and tranquillity. When her performance ended, she got a deafening applause from the audience. I was already sure of it, but after hearing her I was more than sure that she would be going to the final round. The applause came to halt. Katou walked off the stage. It was my turn now. The last person of the sixteen people left. I walked onto the stage, I was calm while listening to Katou¡¯s performance, but now that it was my turn, I wasn¡¯t calm anymore in the slightest. My heart throbbing in my throat. When I¡¯m nervous, I can¡¯t swallow the saliva in my mouth. When I did, I felt it getting stuck in the middle of my throat, slowly finding its way down. ¡°Last, but surely not least; it¡¯s Koji!!¡± I bowed. ¡°Judges, please, tell us the theme¡­¡± One of the judges pointed to another sitting at the other end of their long table. He seemed to nod repeatedly while doing some random gestures with his hands. I noticed it earlier, too. They¡¯re stalling for suspense, I didn¡¯t let it get to me. ¡°Alright, Koji. Your theme will be; solitude.¡± ¡°Solitude,¡± the announcer clapped in his hands twice before rubbing them together, ¡°That¡¯s an interesting one. Everyone, Koji on the guitar with solitude as his theme! Best of luck¡­¡± I sat down in the chair. I closed my eyes and tried to shut off from the world. Solitude. Would it be fair if I played Hollow Me? It wouldn¡¯t count as improvising, but who could check my mind¡­ right? I let the thought go. I didn¡¯t want to go through with a pre-prepared song. Improvising, it¡¯s not that I¡¯m too bad at it. I held my left hand high on the fingerboard and rhythmically played low notes. I accidentally made one sound too loud, so I instantly let go of my strings, making the note linger in the air. The pause, although not fully intended, made it sound brilliant. With that effect in mind, I thought back to Katou¡¯s performance. Her strumming to drumming, the screams inside one¡¯s head are the biggest signs of solitude, aren¡¯t they? I was copying a page out of her book, but it was Koji enough to be my own. The low notes, the screams and the dramatic pauses. I liked it. It wasn¡¯t on Hollow Me¡¯s level, but this was certainly enough to make it through to the next round. When my performance ended, I got a loud applause as well. I bowed and left the stage, hoping that I could soon return. I opened the door to the large room again and saw both Katou and Kashimoto smiling at my return. ¡°We¡¯re going through to the next round!¡± she cheered. ¡°No doubt about it!¡± Kashimoto nodded, ¡°Both forty-seven and the girl will be worthy opponents.¡± It seemed as if he was talking to himself more than he was talking to us. ¡°Let¡¯s not get ahead of ourselves,¡± I said. ¡°The jury has yet to make a decision.¡± After my performance, it took the length of a commercial break before we would continue. The judges had made their picks as for who would be playing in the final eight. Where both their and the audience¡¯s votes will count towards getting a winner. After the short break, the announcer freed us from our nerves. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen,¡± he was speaking really slowly, ¡°I will be announcing the finalists; the final eight contestants, who will be battling it out for the top spot with a song of their choice.¡± Katou placed her hand on my shoulder, tightly clenching it. ¡°The judges have made their decision.¡± He walked up to the judges¡¯ panel and took an envelope out of their hands. ¡°This envelope contains the names of eight people. I will now open it,¡± he opened it, ever so slowly. ¡°Give your loudest applause for the following contestants¡ª¡± I closed my eyes and my ears couldn¡¯t comprehend any name that wasn¡¯t mine, Katou¡¯s or Kashimoto¡¯s. Name one, followed by two. ¡°¡ªThe violinist, Kashimoto!!¡± My eyes were still shut tight. I couldn¡¯t hear name four, nor five, but then six; ¡°The guitarist, Katou!!¡± My eyes were still closed. Name seven, not mine either. The pattern I had noticed in the way we got called to stage was that no one was first twice, second twice, last twice or anything twice for that matter. No one had the same position twice. I didn¡¯t make it. ¡°And the final person¡­¡± he put the sheet of paper back in the envelope, ¡°Is no one other than Koji!!¡± I heard the announcer, I heard my name. Little me, in the final eight. Who would¡¯ve thought. I rocked my head backwards, and couldn¡¯t breathe. ¡°We did it!!¡± Katou jumped up, bouncing her weight on my unsteady shoulder. We both fell to the floor, but none of that mattered. We made it to the final eight. She would be able to play Silent Mayhem. I would be able to show Kashimoto just what I¡¯m made of. The final eight¡­ I couldn¡¯t believe it. But, once again, I was put in last spot, which made me all the more nervous. Though, honestly, I liked it. It would put more attention on my performance, and I was planning on being bold. If it works out as planned, this could be perfect. The first person, with a flute, went to the stage to perform her song of choice. Not a word was shared in the large room, that only grew bigger the less contestants remained. The second person played the piano. The third person, Kashimoto. I watched him carefully on the TV. ¡°Kashimoto Hideo. I¡¯m playing Moonlight Sonata, third movement.¡± Once again he held his hand with the bow high up in the air. Striking it down on the strings of his violin. Aggressively opening the high-tempo classic from Beethoven. His fingers on the fingerboard moved as rapidly up and down as the bow was gliding over his violin. The intensity, the passion, the focus and the lucidity. That is the violinist; Kashimoto. For a second he had me thinking I picked the wrong instrument. His head, placed down by his chin on the violin, was moving along with his wild violin movements. He was not only playing the music, he delved so deeply into its creation that he himself became the music. After slowly gliding his bow over the strings, reverberating the sound through the room a final time, the song came to an end. He didn¡¯t miss a single note. A perfect violin performance. For the first time that evening, the audience stood up; a standing ovation. I applauded, too. He was the third person to play, the two people who played before him had probably accepted defeat already. They weren¡¯t near Kashimoto¡¯s Moonlight Sonata. The next person walked onto the stage. She was dressed in a kimono. She played the national instrument of Japan, the koto. The pluck instrument, our national pride alone made her one of the favourites. After her beautiful traditional display ended, I was sure that even she couldn¡¯t beat Kashimoto. I couldn¡¯t concentrate on the next two performances. On top of my own nervousness came the nerves I felt in Katou¡¯s stead. She stood up, turned her head and smiled, ¡°I have no choice but to leave you all in the dust.¡± I smiled back at her, ¡°Give it all you¡¯ve got.¡± With her guitar on her back she walked onto the stage. I watched the television screen closely. ¡°Our sixth contestant, no one other than Katou!¡± She bowed, sat down on the chair and said, ¡°I¡¯m Katou Emiko. I will be playing an original song called Silent Mayhem.¡± Vintage Katou Emiko. The tranquillity of her opening notes. Faster, faster and faster, until the calming sense of it was long gone. Time for terror. Harsh notes, but beautiful ones all the same. The contrast between light and dark that only she can bring out in the Katou-way. Her sister must¡¯ve been proud. When her performance ended, she got a loud applause from both the audience and me. She was superb, the second best so far, I¡¯d say. But still not enough to knock down Kashimoto¡¯s performance. Not only did I not listen to number seven¡¯s performance, neither did I feel any time pass between his introduction and the audience¡¯s applause. I walked onto the stage, this nervous I had never been before. I made a big mistake, looking at the audience. Their eyes filled with anticipation and expectations. I was planning on winning, right? I started doubting my decision. Maybe it was better to play One more time, One more chance instead, I thought. But that would be no good. I want to win. With that song I wouldn¡¯t land above the flute girl, the pianist, the violinist, the koto player and not above Katou either. It had to be this. ¡°Our last contestant of the day, give it up for Koji!!¡± I bowed, sat down and said, ¡°I¡¯m Kuruno Koji. I will be playing¡­¡± I took a deep breath, I made my decision, ¡°Beethoven¡¯s fifth symphony.¡± The audience was audibly shocked, so was the announcer whose surprise was loudly broadcasted in his microphone. While I was seated, I realised that this was no good. The intensity I would be playing with couldn¡¯t be done while sitting, that might be why it hasn¡¯t worked out yet. I stood up. My left hand placed high on the fingerboard, my right hand slightly in the air. I was about to copy another page out of Katou¡¯s book. No strumming, this was drumming. With my right hand I smashed my fingers up and down on the strings, opening the song. I let go of the strings, the sound echoed through the room like it did in the previous round, this time the pause made it even more dramatic. I repeated it, pausing again. Then followed the most difficult part, if technique let me down in this part, it would sound as if I was joking. But I¡¯m serious. My guitar technique is one of my greatest qualities. My fingers moved along the fingerboard, sometimes my right hand would be playing higher than my left. This was a piano piece originally, so of course it looked out of place being played on a guitar, but the sound was nothing short of blazing, simply put; amazing. This time I copied a page out of Kashimoto¡¯s book. After strumming right beneath the sound hole, came the dramatic lower notes. I didn¡¯t just play the music, I became the music by lowering my body along with my guitar, the lower my notes got. At this point, I was so far gone into my music that I once again forgot all about the cameras, the judges, the audience, everything. I had never played the guitar so boldly before. I owned every part of the instrument and played a song you¡¯d never think would come out of it. I was bursting with energy, getting hotter by the second. The sweat didn¡¯t only fall down in drops of my head, the palms of my hands were getting sweaty as well. If the song didn¡¯t end soon, my guitar might¡¯ve slipped out of my hands. But I was confident. No moonlit movements could compare to my sun-beaming symphony. Radiating energy with my sound and motion. Kashimoto, Katou, everyone else, too. I¡¯ll be taking first place. The final part, passionate strumming, ended by a single lingering note. ''The end.'' I was done. I had a hard time catching my breath. For a moment I was lost on stage. I saw the cameras, the judges and the audience. My song had clearly ended, but after my final note, no other sound followed. Right then, father out of all people stood up in the audience and started applauding. Mom quickly followed which started a chain reaction in the room. Soon after, I received the second standing ovation of that evening. I bowed and left the stage. When I arrived in the large room again, no one said a word. Both Katou and Kashimoto, too, stared at me while looking like mannequins. Until I stood right in front of them. ¡°¡­Koji,¡± Katou said my name, and nothing else. ¡°Forty-seven¡­ When did you get this good?¡± I was about to form a response, before the announcer interrupted, ¡°Right now, the audience are filling out their votes, so are the judges of course. After the short commercial break, we¡¯ll be back¡­ to announce the winner. See you soon.¡± ¡°I¡¯m going outside,¡± I abruptly said. I couldn¡¯t handle the tense atmosphere in the room at all. When I was outside, I saw father leaving the venue as well. ¡°Ah, Koji. Out for a smoke, too?¡± he said while lighting up his cigarette. ¡°¡­I¡¯m too young to smoke,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m joking,¡± he puffed out the smoke he inhaled. ¡°You¡¯re incredible, kid. I¡¯ve never seen anyone evolve so fast in such little time.¡± ¡°¡­Thank you.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve got something special. Something most people could only dream of,¡± he looked me in the eye. ¡°You said you wanted to be the world¡¯s best, right?¡± I nodded my head. All this time, I had never forgotten about the ridiculous promise I made with Fuyuko and Nomura. ¡°You¡¯re well on your way. Don¡¯t let today go to your head, though. You¡¯ve still got a long way to go. But if you take it step by step, you¡¯ll reach the very top of the world. I¡¯m sure of it.¡± When he was done smoking he said, ¡°I don¡¯t do too well with tense situations either, but let¡¯s go back inside, alright. Wouldn¡¯t want to miss your first place announcement.¡± He was very confident in me. I would like to say I was, too. But I definitely made some mistakes here and there, while Kashimoto didn¡¯t miss a beat. I went back inside, back to the large room right when the commercial break was over. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen. The moment we¡¯ve all been waiting for. Which of these eight brilliant young musicians will be crowned the winner of the National Music Contest? Let¡¯s find out.¡± He walked over to the judges and was handed an envelope again. ¡°Once again¡­ I¡¯ve got the winner¡¯s name right here in the envelope,¡± he was speaking slowly again, stalling for suspense. He slowly opened the envelope, but didn¡¯t look at what¡¯s inside. Without losing eye contact with the camera he said, ¡°The jury made their decision. The audience¡¯s votes influenced the result. For the jury, the race for the top spot was tight, the same applies for the audience. It was close. But we¡¯ve got a winner.¡± 7.1 Moonlit Movements — Final ¡°Ladies and gentlemen. The moment we¡¯ve all been waiting for. Which of these eight brilliant young musicians will be crowned the winner of the National Music Contest? Let¡¯s find out.¡± He walked over to the judges and was handed an envelope again. ¡°Once again¡­ I¡¯ve got the winner¡¯s name right here in the envelope,¡± he was speaking slowly again, stalling for suspense. He slowly opened the envelope, but didn¡¯t look at what¡¯s inside. Without losing eye contact with the camera he said, ¡°The jury made their decision. The audience¡¯s votes influenced the result. For the jury, the race for the top spot was tight, the same applies for the audience. It was close. But we¡¯ve got a winner.¡± This time he looked at the sheet of paper inside the envelope. He threw it high in the air and shouted in the microphone, ¡°The winner is no other than Koji!!¡± I thought I was dreaming, but when Katou launched herself onto me, I quickly realised I wasn¡¯t. This was reality. I was the best junior musician in the entire country. ¡°Koji! You did it!¡± I wondered where she got the energy from to be so happy for me. I thought she would be more like the other contestants; devastated. There was a single other contestant who didn¡¯t show any distraught on his face; Kashimoto. ¡°You beat me, Koji,¡± he said. He called me by my name instead of calling me ¡®forty-seven¡¯. ¡°This will be the last time I¡¯ll lose to you, mark my words!¡± he laughed in his silly manner again. ¡°Come on, Koji!¡± Katou said. ¡°Go greet the audience!¡± I left the room and walked on the stage. I looked at the audience and saw everyone applauding. The announcer walked up to me and said, ¡°Ladies and gentlemen, our very best junior musician, Koji!!¡± I looked at one of the camera¡¯s and realised that I was live on television. People all across the country might¡¯ve seen my performance. My winning performance. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. For the first time all evening, the judges stood up and applauded as well. The announcer placed a microphone in a stand in front of me, ¡°Koji, do you have any words to share with the audience here and the people at home?¡± What should I say¡­ Should it be something loose or serious, funny or something with deep meaning? What was it that I truly wanted the audience to know¡­ I slightly leaned forward towards the microphone and said the words I felt like sharing, going with my gut feeling. ¡°¡­Have you dared to dream big?¡± I could feel the surprise at the sound of my words. I added, ¡°It¡¯s my big dream to become the world¡¯s best guitarist. I¡¯m far from it, but as long as I believe that I have what it takes¡­ I feel like I can do it. I¡¯m sure you guys can achieve your goals, too. So, please, dare to dream. And if you dream¡ªdream big.¡± After the clarification of my words, the audience applauded, the judges and the announcer seemed to like my words as well. ¡°Koji, brilliant with music and brilliant with words. What a wonderful kid. So, Koji, which song will you be playing to say a final goodbye to the audience?¡± I didn¡¯t have to think long before saying, ¡°Silent Mayhem.¡± To which the audience was audibly shocked once more. ¡°But, it won¡¯t be me who¡¯ll be playing. My rival, Katou¡­ Her sister will be studying abroad soon. She wanted to use the winning performance as a parting gift for her.¡± All this talking in front of the audience started making me dizzy, so I quickly wrapped it up, ¡°So, please, welcome to the stage; Katou Emiko!¡± I reached a big achievement; winning my first competition¡ªand a national one, no less. And on top of that, I was able to help Katou reach her goal of singing her song in front of her sister. My first victory of many to come¡­ that¡¯s what I believed at the time, at least. 8. May Be in Love MY DAYS OF BEING a mini-celebrity were anything but short-lived. Sometimes I got recognised on the street, in stores and other places as well. At school, too, everyone was talking about it. During the winter of that year, I got asked to make a love song by my producer. I got a contract deal after winning the junior contest. But now I was asked something far out of my arsenal of qualities. ¡°A love song¡­?¡± I looked my producer in the eyes. ¡°Why¡­?¡± ¡°You see, little Koji. You¡¯ve garnered quite the female audience, you know?¡± ¡°Eh?¡± Flushed cheeks paired with clunky, awkward hand gestures. ¡°Me?¡± ¡°Yes. So, for these cold winter days that can only be warmed by loves embrace,¡± he was putting in a lot of emotion for dramatic effect. ¡°I need you. No¡­ we need you, to make a heart-warming love song.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never made one before,¡± I said. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s something I¡¯ll be good at, either.¡± ¡°Have some confidence in your craft. You¡¯re as good as they come for your age. If you get stuck, I¡¯ll pair you up with some experienced writer who¡¯ll help you along the way. Sounds like a deal?¡± ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know. I still don¡¯t think I have a love song sort of guitar-style.¡± ¡°Listen. Why don¡¯t you just think about it. Give me one day,¡± he held up his index finger. ¡°Try to make a love song in one day. If it has no potential, we¡¯ll forget about it.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll try.¡± I gave it my best shot, I really did. But it wasn¡¯t any good. When I returned to the studio two days later with the results, the producer lacked any of the disappointment I thought he would have. ¡°See, Koji. This has potential. If we boost your love for love songs, you¡¯ll get good at making them in no time.¡± He snapped his fingers, ¡°Let¡¯s get right to work.¡± For the remainder of that day we tried coming up with something, but no success¡­ not that I expected anything else. I was ready to give up on this idea as soon as he would insist, but he didn¡¯t, he chose to persist and keep me going at the love song. At the end of that day, he gave me some CDs filled with romantic songs before I headed out, back to the orphanage. These were my last few months there, before moving into the Kuruno house in Tokyo. I would be finishing my second year of middle school in Shizuoka before moving. It would reduce the amount of complications that way. In some way, it allowed me to enjoy being at the orphanage just a little longer. Appreciate the place I grew up in, giving Hibino a hand until she gets a real caretaker as assistance and telling the younger ones that I hope they find loving families as well. They didn¡¯t need to hear the phrase, ¡°If you¡¯re not gone by five, you¡¯ll be staying for life¡± pessimistic thinking is of no use. When I arrived home, late in the evening when all others were already in bed, I shared my troubles with Hibino even though I hadn¡¯t initially intended on doing so. ¡°Hibino¡­¡± I sat next to her in the couch. At the troubled sound of my voice, she closed the paperback she was reading, put it on her lap and turned her head. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°How do I go about writing a love song?¡± She seemed awfully amused hearing that, ¡°My-my, is little Koji in love?¡± I knew that the conversation going this way was inevitable. I dropped my head and sighed, ¡°¡­It¡¯s not that. I¡¯m writing a love song with my producer, but it¡¯s not really going well.¡± She held her finger on her lip, stared at the ceiling and let out a hmmm-sound. ¡°Have you ever been in love before?¡± she asked me. I gestured both my hands to the left, ¡°Can we make this conversation about the song,¡± then moved my hands to the right. ¡°And not about me¡­¡± ¡°Well, if you¡¯re the one making the song, your own feelings are very important, you know.¡± I didn¡¯t want to admit it, but she had a point. ¡°You can¡¯t go with a one-song-fits-all approach. If there¡¯s no individuality in your love song, it won¡¯t be any good.¡± She leaned a bit closer and asked, ¡°So, tell me Koji, have you ever been in love?¡± ¡°¡­Maybe.¡± She started giggling, ¡°With who?¡± I didn¡¯t say a word. Anything I would¡¯ve said could, and would¡¯ve been used against me to toy with me. She pointed her finger at herself, ¡°Was it me?¡± ¡°¡­I should¡¯ve asked someone else for help.¡± ¡°Aw¡­ you¡¯re too cold to me.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re too old for me.¡± She let out a roar of a laugh, ¡°You¡¯ve been in a good mood these days.¡± Then she suddenly leaned forward again and flicked her finger against my forehead, ¡°But don¡¯t go calling a maiden old!¡± She fell back into the couch and whispered underneath her breath, ¡°I haven¡¯t even turned thirty yet.¡± She took the book out of her lap, stood up and placed it on the low table. When she sat down again, she intensely gazed at me. ¡°Let¡¯s get to work with this love song, shall we?¡± I nodded. ¡°Do you have any ideas?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go with your ¡®maybe¡¯.¡± I looked beyond puzzled, ¡°My ¡®maybe¡¯?¡± ¡°Uncertainty. You¡¯re a young boy, it will sound cuter if you¡¯re not sure whether what you¡¯re feeling is love or not.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to sound cute,¡± I immediately made clear. ¡°You¡¯re a young boy making a love song. People like me will find it cute regardless of how you want it to sound.¡± I felt like she was right again, though, once more, I didn¡¯t want to verbally admit it. ¡°So I should sound uncertain on purpose¡­¡± ¡°Exactly! A little in love or something, sounds good, right?¡± I wasn¡¯t attentively listening to what she was saying, I was lost in the words swimming through my mind. Then I let the melodic sounding words in my mind slip out of my mouth, ¡°I may be in love¡­ maybe in love¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± Hibino cheered. ¡°Sing that again!¡± ¡°¡­I may be in love¡­ maybe in love¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s perfect! You can use that as part of the chorus, no?¡± I brought my fist in front of my mouth and mumbled, ¡°I don¡¯t dislike it, I guess.¡± ¡°Your producer will like it, I¡¯m sure of it!¡± ¡°Are you sure it¡¯s good enough?¡± ¡°The uncertainty shows how pure of a boy you are. Say, how much longer do you have until the song needs to be finished?¡± ¡°Two days.¡± ¡°Two?! Well, we¡¯ll have to come up with a little more than that then.¡± During that evening, we came up with some more lines I could potentially use in my love song. I used some personal feelings to give the song more individuality like Hibino had suggested. The following day, I showed my progress to my producer. ¡°¡­Koji,¡± he gazed deeply into my eyes. ¡°This is brilliant! Uncertainty¡­ that¡¯ll work well. If you keep things up at this pace, we¡¯ll be done with this song before the deadline!¡± We kept working on the lyrics all day. Most of it was my work, but he was a great help with filling in the gaps where I got lost. He also instructed that the chorus should be as catchy as possible. I think we did a good job at that. In his words, ¡°The song portrays your youthful uncertainty. The people will love it.¡± This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. On deadline-day, it was time to record the song. I had been practising in the morning. Now, a short while after noon, I would be officially recording it. I strummed a little melody repeatedly before singing with a soft voice. First thing in the morning All I think about is you My heart drums with a yearning And it¡¯s not sure what to do On my way to school No idea what my friends say My head, spinning like a whirlpool Cause all I have on my mind, is you everyday The tempo slightly decreased, my voice ever so soft. When I close my eyes I can still see you there It''s time that I break the ice Though I don''t really dare Loud strumming followed by a more passionate voice for the chorus; I may be in love, maybe in love There''s nothing I can do I can''t help but fall for you I may be in love, maybe in love No thing that I can hide from you Please, oh, please love me, too End of the chorus, it was time for the second verse. I sang again with the soft voice I used at the start. Every little thing you do Makes my heart skip a beat I don''t know what to do But it feels like a dream come to me I see you walk by My heart just stops and stares I''m not sure if I can try To let you know how much I care Slowing the tempo down once again, the pre-chorus followed. When I close my eyes I can still see you there It''s time that I break the ice Though I don''t really dare Increasing the volume, both my guitar and my voice. I may be in love, maybe in love There''s nothing I can do I can''t help but fall for you I may be in love, maybe in love No thing that I can hide from you Please, oh, please love me, too Then followed the bridge towards the chorus. The gentle sound of my voice accompanied by a guitar that copies my tone. I know I might be foolish But I can''t help the way I feel I just hope that you''ll notice And your heart can be revealed This time, the chorus was sung in the softer voice and the lower tempo as well. I may be in love, maybe in love There''s nothing I can do I can''t help but fall for you I may be in love, maybe in love No thing that I can hide from you Please, oh, please love me, too The final part, a gentle ending to the song. I wanna say it¡­ but I can''t bring myself to~ ¡­I may be in love with you The song was finished. I hoped that the producer''s patience with me would turn into a success. He bet all the time he had on me making a love song that would become a radio hit. Which luckily, it did. It had been two weeks since the song was finished when I was helping Hibino out with making dinner. The radio in the kitchen was always on when she was cooking. After a song ended, the radio DJ said, ¡°It¡¯s cold outside. It¡¯s Thursday. Not many good things could come of such days, right? Well¡­ wrong! Remember Koji, the Junior Musician? He¡¯s brought out¡­ a love song¡­¡± he put a lot of emphasis on the word ¡®love¡¯. ¡°Have a listen to Koji¡¯s new song, May Be in Love!¡± ¡°It¡¯s your song Koij!¡± Hibino squealed. ¡°Aw, it¡¯s so good!¡± She declared it good before I sung the first line. ¡°¡­Thanks. It¡¯s yet to start.¡± I wasn¡¯t sure how to feel hearing my own music on the radio. I was proud¡­ but embarrassed all the same. Especially since it¡¯s a love song. When my song finally ended, Hibino was in tears. ¡°That was so good, Koji!¡± After dinner that day, I went to my room to finally play a song that fits my qualities. Something with deep sounding notes. I took my guitar, sat down on the floor and started playing. ¡­But it was no good. I put my guitar aside and looked through my sheet music. I selected all the ones that sounded dramatic, depressive or both. When I had a little collection ready, I sat down again with my guitar and started playing. Not a single sound coming out of my guitar was to my liking. It¡¯s not that I was playing the notes wrong, it¡¯s just that I couldn¡¯t feel it. The delicate strings of my heart didn¡¯t ring the sounds they used to. I couldn¡¯t get the sound I desired out of any of my selected songs, so I decided to try playing a song of my own. Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have, because being unable to play that was the biggest blow. Why can¡¯t I play hollow me? After asking myself that, I figured it out quite quickly. I couldn¡¯t play it because I didn¡¯t feel hollow at all anymore. I was happy, very happy. It felt like everything that was once wrong with my life started falling into place. As my fallen-apart life had been restoring itself into a solid state, my greatest sounding music was what was falling apart this time. I put my guitar aside and didn¡¯t play for the remainder of that day. 9. Peace foretells Terror NO MATTER HOW MANY DAYS PASSED, it never returned. The feeling. The more I tried to force it out of me, the more I started losing it. ¡°Your song¡¯s doing good, Koji!¡± My producer had nothing but praise for me. That¡¯s why it was hard to find a moment to tell him about what¡¯s been troubling me. ¡°I¡¯m glad it¡¯s doing well.¡± He spun around in his office chair, facing his desk again. ¡°Koji, what¡¯s next? Another love song?¡± In my current state, I knew I couldn¡¯t request a song more to the liking of my qualities. So I didn¡¯t. I agreed to making another love song that would be finished in a few months time. A song that ended up being even better than the last. Even though it was a bummer that I was in a slump with my guitar, I was still having a great time during this point in my life. I was getting ready to move in with my parents, I would be starting anew in a school in Tokyo¡ªon the other side of the mountain. Perhaps dad¡¯s talents could drag me out of the slump I was in. Oh, how much I hoped that would be the case. When my final box was put in the car, Hibino started bawling her eyes out. ¡°I¡¯m gonna miss you so much, Koji!¡± I smiled and said, ¡°I¡¯ll miss you, too.¡± I meant it, even though I went through some hardships during my time at the orphanage, I was glad all of that happened. It shaped me into the Koji everyone knows today. I couldn¡¯t wait to start living with my newfound family, but I would never lie and say that I wouldn¡¯t miss the orphanage¡ªthat of course included Hibino, too. ¡°Visit us sometime, you¡¯re always welcome here!¡± I took a final glance at the building and deeply inhaled. Everything that had happened inside that little house I called home rushed through my brain. ¡°Thank you, I will.¡± Hibino spread her arms out and I gave her a final hug before getting into the car, driving off to Tokyo. It was already late in the evening when we left, so it wasn¡¯t all that weird that I slept through the trip. However, I didn¡¯t think I would be asleep in less than five minutes. ¡°Wake up Koji, we¡¯ve arrived.¡± I slowly lifted my heavy eyelids, trying to figure out what¡¯s going on. When I looked out of the car window, I saw mom coming out of the house. ¡°¡­We¡¯re here already?¡± ¡°Not even five minutes into the ride and you were out like a light,¡± he said. ¡°Let¡¯s take those boxes into the house, alright?¡± The house was located in a neighbourhood full of single family homes. It¡¯s a lot calmer here than it was near the area of the venue where the Nationals took place. I helped mom with bringing the boxes inside, dad carried everything upstairs to my room. ¡°That¡¯s everything,¡± mom said. ¡°Let¡¯s go to your room!¡± We walked up the stairs and unpacked all my stuff. Clothes got put in my new white wardrobe. I filled one of my closets with music related things, like my sheet music and CDs. I also had some books I placed on bookshelves. I didn¡¯t really care about how they were presented, but mom seemed to be having a great time with their placement. ¡°It¡¯s finally done¡­¡± I said. ¡°Took less time than I thought it would.¡± She was carefully looking at every inch of the room, then said, ¡°Your room lacks Koji.¡± I looked at her and asked, ¡°What does that mean?¡± ¡°You need some stuff on the walls to make this room more personal, don¡¯t you think?¡± I glanced at the walls and noticed that they were indeed pretty much lacking in personality. ¡°Should I hang up some posters or something?¡± ¡°Yup! That¡¯s exactly it.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll be sure to get a few someday.¡± My days at the Kuruno house were peaceful. The dynamic between mom and dad was really funny as well. It somehow reminded me of how Hibino always toys with me, though that analogy is a little off. It¡¯s more like dad lets it happen, knowing that mom finds it amusing. While I, on the other hand, try my best to fight back at any form of teasing, but fail horribly. Still during spring break was another event; my fourteenth birthday. Right after we ate cake, we sat down in the sofa to open my gift. When I unwrapped it, I was extremely happy on reflex, and failed to hide my change of expression afterwards. ¡°Hm? What¡¯s wrong, Koji?¡± I held the new guitar, a slightly larger size of the one I cherished so much, slightly away from my body and said, ¡°I can¡¯t accept this gift.¡± Dadsat down next to me and put his hand on top of my head, ¡°Koji, is there something going on with your music?¡± ¡°¡­I can¡¯t play the guitar anymore.¡± Mom looked shocked, but dad''s expression didn¡¯t change. He patted me on the back and said, ¡°If you¡¯re thinking about quitting, go ahead and quit,¡± he stared at the ceiling and smiled. ¡°Storytime. I had a friend in middle school who once stopped music. He said he stopped forever. That he couldn¡¯t play anymore, no matter how hard he tried. His name is Masamune Kusari.¡± My eyes widened in surprise, he¡¯s a well known singer who also plays the guitar in a band. ¡°So, Koji. Go ahead and quit. But don¡¯t you dare throw anything music related away. If you¡¯re destined for the guitar, you¡¯ll come back to it. No matter how many times you lose it, you¡¯ll always come back, and stronger, too.¡± He placed his hand on the new guitar and continued, ¡°This guitar is our gift to you. Soon you¡¯ll start growing up in the flash of a second, then your little guitar won¡¯t do any more. Keep this one, it¡¯s okay if you don¡¯t use it today, tomorrow, or even this year. But keep it, cause when the time is right, it¡¯ll be right there for you to use.¡± I smiled, a little teary eyed, ¡°Thank you. I¡¯ll be sure to treasure it.¡± Spring break was over. I turned into a third year middle schooler. School wasn¡¯t too far from home, so I walked to school. I could imagine myself going by bike later on, but I don¡¯t like to get sweaty in the heat nor do I like to cycle in the rain. The cold and a bike don¡¯t go too well either. The same goes for snow. So, realistically, I would only be using the bike on days with perfect weather, but who would say the ideal weather in the morning won¡¯t turn into a dreadful rainstorm in the afternoon. Basically, I walked to school and I knew I would most likely do so for the rest of the year. When I arrived, I stood still in front of the school gates and stared at the main building a little further behind. I saw cherry blossom petals being carried by the breeze pass through my view. It looked like a scene straight out of a movie. When I realised that I was being a little too overdramatic about all of this, I walked through the entrance. Not far away was a bulletin board with large sheets of paper where classes and their students were written on. I scanned through them and quickly found my name under class 3-B. I easily found my way to the classroom, it was rather empty¡ªsince I arrived really early. I glanced at the blackboard and saw that there was nothing written on it. An old man was seated at the teacher¡¯s desk, presumably our homeroom teacher. I asked him, ¡°Are there assigned seats or may I take place wherever?¡± He seemed a little drowsy before I opened my mouth. He lifted one of his eyelids up to look at me. ¡°Sit wherever.¡± He stood up from his chair and wrote ¡®Sit wherever¡¯ in big letters on the blackboard. I was glad I woke up so early, because I now had pretty much every seat to choose from. I decided to go with the seat all the way in the back next to the window. Until the rest arrived, I was staring at the plants placed next to the windows. After every seat in our class slowly got occupied, it was time to kill time before the opening ceremony. The familiar introductions that take place on the first day of school. This time I won¡¯t be the guitar. I¡¯ve grown a lot socially since that day, I realised. The next thing I realised was how little structure the teacher had in his manners of handling class related things. No assigned seats and no real order of introductions. ¡°Alright, you over there,¡± he pointed at the person seated on my right. ¡°Go ahead and introduce yourself.¡± The guy sitting next to me enthusiastically jumped up, ¡°Everyone. I¡¯m brand spanking new in this school. So, ladies, go ahead and drool¡ªfor a guy this handsome and cool,¡± he was doing bizarre poses throughout all of this. ¡°First name is Hiroto, last name Morita, but you sweetheart,¡± he winked at a random girl, ¡°You can call me piece-of-art. Eye candy paired with brains so smart. Ah, I¡¯m so delicious. Lyrically ambitious¡ª¡± ¡°Please, stop,¡± the teacher seemed anything but interested in whatever Morita was about to say next. ¡°Aw man. You ruined my whole flow, da-yow.¡± ¡°Sit down and be quiet,¡± the teacher calmly said. ¡°You,¡± he pointed at me, ¡°you¡¯re next.¡± I stood up and felt the gazes of everyone shifting in meaning. The ¡®Do I know him?¡¯ kind of gazes. Everything became pretty clear to them when I said, ¡°Hello everyone, this is my first year here as well. I¡¯m Kuruno Koji. Nice to meet you,¡± I bowed. Morita next to me jumped up out of his chair again, ¡°You¡¯re the Kuruno Koji?¡± I slowly sat down again and said, ¡°¡­Yeah.¡± Then he held one hand on his heart, the other one slightly in front of him and passionately started singing, ¡°I may be in love, maybe in love.¡± If I could, I would¡¯ve eradicated myself from the room. Reduced myself to atoms. Replaced my existence with one of the plants next to the windows. But of course I couldn¡¯t do any of that. I had to endure the embarrassment. My new classmates on the other hand seemed amused by Morita¡¯s ridiculousness. Then the girl sitting in front of me asked, ¡°Is that true? Are you really him?¡± I nodded, ¡°¡­I¡¯m him, yeah.¡± Morita sat down again and shook his head, ¡°I can¡¯t believe it. I chose this school on a whim, who would¡¯ve thought I¡¯d meet you here. This is like a chance encounter! We¡¯re going to combine our powers together and break the music industry in half! Whad¡¯ya think of that?¡± ¡°Yeah, no. Count me out.¡± The class laughed at my instant rejection. ¡°Aw man, I know. I¡¯m not cool enough yet, da-yow.¡± I couldn¡¯t tell him, or the class either, that him not being cool enough wasn¡¯t the problem. Even quicker than the guitar, Kuruno Koji spread through this school. It was kind of nice, feeling like I was a celebrity in an unfamiliar place¡­ for a while at least. On my very first day I got dragged into the music club. ¡°This is our club¡¯s president,¡± the guy from my class pointed at someone from another class. ¡°He also plays the guitar.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± I politely said. However, I had no plans of joining the club, and wanted to make that clear as quickly as possible, ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m not planning to join the music club, I was kind of just dragged over here.¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t about joining, Kuruno.¡± This might¡¯ve been the first time I was ever referred to as just ¡°Kuruno¡± If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°Please follow me.¡± The music club used me to lure potential members in¡­ They organised a ¡®Kuruno Koji signing event¡¯ and had quite the line of people waiting for me to sign stuff. It was an overwhelming moment, certainly, though it was very special all the same. Knowing that this many people actually cared about me and my music. Since winning the Nationals, I¡¯ve featured in a couple of songs, both as guitarist and singer. On top of that, I have my two love songs that my fans love more than I do. When I got home later that day, I tried playing the guitar again. I thought that perhaps the overwhelming support from the people in my school might¡¯ve woken up something in me that had been asleep for a while. But alas, nothing changed. Yet somehow, I didn¡¯t really care. I was happy living in my new home. Living together with my parents made me feel that family connection all the more. School started out pretty good, too. There wasn¡¯t anything wrong with just living on like this. When the word spread around that I had an autograph signing event at school, my producer suggested I did one on a larger scale to boost my connection to my fans. When I got asked something like that, there¡¯s no way I could tell him about my slump, so once again, I didn¡¯t. I did insist on doing a joint meet and greet with other artists, since I wouldn¡¯t be able to handle the nerves all alone. Two weeks later I was seated on one of three tables put together. Mine on the left, from my perspective, and the two other tables were occupied by a trending male singer and the most popular female guitarist, LuNA. It was a hot day in spring, the sweltering weather¡ªfor this time of the year¡ªis exactly how I would picture a long queue for autographs. We were seated there for about three hours. It was a blast seeing so many people go out of their way to meet me. Though that also made it even harder to bring the bad news. ¡°Koji!¡± the last person in line cheerfully called my name. I already recognised the voice before I raised my head. ¡°It¡¯s been a while, how have you been?¡± I smiled and said, ¡°I¡¯m doing great. How about you, Katou?¡± ¡°As good as ever,¡± she laughed. ¡°Did you come all the way to Tokyo just to see me?¡± I asked her, staying calm to hide just how much her sudden appearance surprised me. She got a little flustered and said, ¡°Well, I wasn¡¯t sure about going to LuNA¡¯s signing event, but when I saw you would be there as well, I couldn¡¯t just stay at home. So¡­¡± ¡°Thank you for coming. Where should I sign?¡± She took the guitar case off her back, and took her guitar out of it, ¡°Right here, please,¡± she pointed at the bottom right of the front of her guitar. ¡°¡­Are you sure?¡± She gleefully smiled, ¡°Uh-huh, go ahead. Make it about this big,¡± she gestured a rather large the size with her hands. When I was done with the autograph, I asked her, ¡°Are you getting LuNA¡¯s next?¡± She grabbed something out of the little bag on the outside of her guitar case, it was a CD, ¡°Look! She signed the case.¡± The other two had some people left in line, but mine was done. I didn¡¯t get nearly as many people during the span of three hours as they did, but I was still glad to see once again that there¡¯s really people out there who like my music. ¡°Say, Katou.¡± ¡°Hm?¡± I stood up and grabbed my stuff, ¡°I¡¯m pretty much done here, since you came all the way from Shizuoka, is there anything you want to do?¡± ¡°You came all the way from Shizuoka, too, right?¡± That¡¯s when I realised I didn¡¯t tell her a thing. On the flip side, that meant we had something to talk about. ¡°It¡¯s a long story,¡± I said. I explained to her that I lived in an orphanage in Shizuoka but got adopted by the Kuruno family. ¡°That¡¯s why you were just Koji and not Kuruno Koji in the Shizuoka contest¡­¡± While we were walking in a park, I further explained how I moved in after my second year in middle school was over and that I now live in Tokyo. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s gonna be though on you in the Tokyo qualifiers, good luck,¡± she said. ¡°I won¡¯t be participating this time,¡± I said. ¡°But if you want, I¡¯ll come cheer you on in Shizuoka.¡± It was only fair to return the favour after she came all the way here. ¡°I guess you¡¯ve got a busy schedule, huh¡­¡± she sat down on one of the park benches. ¡°Well, I¡¯d be glad if you cheered me on, only if it works with all the deadlines and stuff, you know.¡± I sat down as well, ¡°Don¡¯t worry about me. I¡¯ll definitely come cheer you on.¡± ¡°Tee-hee, thanks!¡± We talked some more, I carefully tried to evade music as a topic. From the conversation I learned that she¡¯s as old as I am, born in the end of spring. Another thing, that she might follow her sister¡¯s footsteps and study abroad in college, since her sister is having the best experience of her life apparently. When it started turning late she said, ¡°I¡¯ll better go home now before my parents get worried.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll walk you to the station.¡± She seemed flustered once again, ¡°Thanks, Koji.¡± We walked to the station together. Before passing the ticket gate she said, ¡°Koji! I¡¯ll show you in Shizuoka just how good I¡¯ve gotten. Soon we¡¯ll be on the same level again,¡± she smiled with those familiar determined eyes. ¡°See you soon, rival.¡± We waved each other goodbye. I lacked the courage to tell her my troubles. But it was already too late to muster up the courage. I didn¡¯t say anything, her train would soon arrive. It was already too late. She left. The next day of school, Morita randomly pulled my sleeve during third period, ¡°Psst, Kuruno Koji. Can you listen to this for me?¡± He held out a tape recorder. I took it out of his hands and asked him what to do. ¡°Just press play, it¡¯s an original rap,¡± he said. I clicked on the play button and listened. ¡°Uh, uh, uh. Yo, yo, yo.¡± ¡°¡­What is this?¡± I asked him, both of us still whispering. He stared in my eyes, his confidence; overflowing, ¡°I call it ¡®One hour rap¡ªno beat¡¯ it¡¯s a masterpiece.¡± ¡°I¡¯m a rapper (in the making) I¡¯m a rapper (I ain¡¯t faking).¡± ¡°Exactly what about this is a masterpiece?¡± ¡°Just listen, it gets good right here.¡± ¡°Yo, uh, yo, uh, yo, uh. This is freestyle rap you¡¯re listening to, uh. No beat needed, no beat will do, uh. Let¡¯s switch it up. I¡¯m out here cooking this flow, call me master chef, da-yow. ¡± ¡°I think I fail to see what you¡¯re seeing in this. Or hearing? Anyway, I don¡¯t think it¡¯s any good¡­ at all.¡± ¡°Aw man. I¡¯ll come up with better material, just wait, Kuruno Koji!¡± Suddenly he stood up on his chair, ¡°One day, Kuruno Koji, we will share the stage! Appear in news papers¡ªon the first page! The audience will cheer, we¡¯ll be the biggest hype, the biggest rage! The best artists of the modern age!¡± The teacher threw the piece of chalk he was holding towards Morita, ¡°Be quiet!¡± Head shot, Morita downed. ¡°Are you alright?¡± I asked him, still whispering though that wasn¡¯t necessary anymore since everyone was already looking at us. From a pose like a weak animal playing dead, he suddenly turned into a living Morita again, ¡°So, Kuruno Koji, just wait on me!¡± He held out his fist. When I looked at him, his eyes were still burning with confidence. I couldn¡¯t help but smile and bump his fist. Even though I couldn¡¯t tell him that not a word he said could ever come true if I quit the guitar. Yet, somehow, I got a little fired-up after hearing him burst out his spirit. This is kind of how I felt when Katou said, ¡°If you¡¯ve been slacking, even a little, I¡¯m sure I¡¯ve caught up to you.¡± That made me think about her again. Soon I would have to tell her that which she of all people will be hurt by most. I¡¯ve already come to terms with it, I hope she¡¯ll understand. A lot of things happened in the first months of school. People started treating me more as a fellow classmate rather than a celebrity¡ªalthough ¡°people¡± doesn¡¯t include Morita of course. Nothing else had significantly changed other than my talks with my producer, which quickly became public knowledge. When I visited him in the studio again, we had a long talk and reached a mutual agreement¡­ to terminate my contract. I wouldn¡¯t be making music anymore. Not as a feature, be it singer or guitarist and neither would I be making songs of my own. Naturally, that meant I wouldn¡¯t be participating in the Tokyo qualifiers. I did go to the Shizuoka qualifiers to cheer Katou on as promised. As a contender in the final eight at the nationals, and the winner of last years contest here in Shizuoka, it wasn¡¯t a big surprise that she stood head and shoulders above everyone else. After the contest was over, I waited outside to congratulate her on her victory. When she came walking out of the building, I said, ¡°You were great out there.¡± She had a troubled expression on her face and had a hard time remaining eye contact. Her lips trembled before she slightly opened her mouth, to only tightly clench her lips together again right after. ¡°Is something wrong¡­?¡± Her face went from angry to let down, then a forced smile to turn troubled once again, ¡°¡­Of course something is wrong, Koji.¡± She turned away, her right shoulder facing me. She lifted her arm up and landed a soft blow on my chest, ¡°Why did you stop?¡± I could act like a thick-headed donkey, but I knew exactly what she was talking about. I decided to be completely honest, since I didn¡¯t have any reason to lie anyway. ¡°I can¡¯t play anymore. My best pieces were the melancholic ones. But you see, the happier I am in my life, the worse I play on the guitar.¡± ¡°Then what about your love songs? They were just fine, right? I loved them a lot, you know. I thought¡­ you were really cool out there. I couldn¡¯t wait to catch up to you,¡± she didn¡¯t turn her eyes away this time. ¡°So why don¡¯t you keep going with songs like that?¡± ¡°I can play happy melodies just fine¡­ but that¡¯s not what I want to do.¡± She averted her eyes again. I continued, ¡°If I can¡¯t play the notes that I want to feel the most, then I don¡¯t want to play any notes at all.¡± She turned her body again, facing me, eye to eye. Once again she landed a soft blow to my chest, ¡°We are rivals, aren¡¯t we? We were going to compete, weren¡¯t we?¡± I nodded, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°We could¡¯ve made songs together, couldn¡¯t we?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± This time she used her head instead of her fists to land a light hit on my chest. ¡°Then why did you stop?¡± she whispered. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Say, Koji. When you made those love songs, who were you thinking of?¡± I didn¡¯t say anything for a while. At my silence she straightened up her body and walked away. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Whilst walking away she said, ¡°You¡¯re my number one rival, that will never change,¡± then she turned towards me again. ¡°But I won¡¯t forgive you if you don¡¯t take music seriously. Farewell.¡± ¡°Happy birthday, Katou.¡± She didn¡¯t say anything. She left. 10. She doesnt talk about Me MY TIME AS A THIRD YEAR flew by. During that time, Kashimoto won the Nationals¡ªthe promise edition where high schoolers compete. Katou won the one I won last year, the junior Nationals. She started working together with the producer I used to work with. She made two love songs as well. I guess the producer really has a thing for them. One of them is titled ¡®You May Be in Love¡¯ and the other one is called ¡®Aimlessly Looking For You¡¯. Both of them seemed aimed at me. I was listening to the radio in my room, not doing much else, when I heard her song for the first time I heard your song on a cold winter day "You may be in love," the words you say It made me smile, but then I felt the pain Her voice reminded me of the calm part of her Silent Mayhem. I was also pretty sure she was talking about me in her song after the second line. For every word, I wished it was for me But then hit me; reality Even if I close my eyes it¡¯s still clear to see After this followed the increase in pace. I know that I''m not the one You sing about, in the morning sun My heart aches with each line I wish that you were mine Then followed the switch-up in style, the Mayhem part. But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I wish that I could love you more But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I''ll have to find a way to let you go, for sure Surely she didn¡¯t know who ¡°her¡± was, but I felt her desperation for the old Koji to return in the song. I didn¡¯t know how to react to it. For the rest of the song, I listened with an empty mind. You may be in love with her But my heart, it still prefers The thought of you and me together I know that I''m not the one You sing about, in the morning sun My heart aches with each line I wish that you were mine But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I wish that I could love you ever more But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I''ll have to find a way to let you go, for sure I can''t help how I feel But I know it''s time to heal My heart will mend in time And I''ll find love that''s mine But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I wish that I could love you even more But it''s not me, it''s her you adore I''ll have to find a way to let you go, for sure I''ll have to find a way to let you go, for sure It''s her you adore I''ve got no chance anymore "You may be in love," but it''s not me who you''ve fallen for . . . It''s not me who you''ve fallen for I didn¡¯t know how to feel anymore. To distract myself from the lyrics, I started analysing the song in my head. The structure was pretty much the same as my first, it was produced by the same person after all. Her next song came out a few months later, ¡®Aimlessly Looking For You¡¯. This one made me feel even more unsure of what to do than the last. This song was about aimlessly looking for a person that changed until he was unrecognisable. That¡¯s pretty much what the current Koji was to her; unrecognisable. When I terminated my contract, the producer said, ¡°If you ever change your mind, we¡¯ll welcome you back with open arms. Good luck with your future, Koji.¡± If I wanted to go back to how it used to be, how Katou would like it, I could simply walk back into the studio and get back into music. But no matter how much she would like that, it could never happen. Even if I wanted it to happen, it could never. At this point in time it had already been a year since I last played the guitar. Another spring break, I turned fifteen, and not much later I would be starting my first year as a high schooler. I would be going to the same school as Morita. Throughout my fall-out with making music, he never backed down on his goal of ¡°sharing the stage¡±, as he said it. When I arrived at the school, he was waiting for me in front of the gates. ¡°Yo, Koji! Been a while. Missed my smile? Sure you did, let¡¯s greet in style,¡± he held his fist out his fist. When I bumped it, he launched it backwards with a ¡°Booom!¡± ¡°How have you been?¡± I asked him. ¡°Great man. I used spring break to grow, now I¡¯m the best rapper in the country, da-yow.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s head to class, alright? Have you already checked in which one we are?¡± ¡°Sure did!¡± he saluted. ¡°We¡¯re in 1-D together, nice, right? Couldn¡¯t be better!¡± ¡°Yeah, as long as you keep your tape recorders home.¡± ¡°No can do,¡± he laughed. While walking through the hallways, we were nearing a group of girls, to which Morita said, ¡°This year, I¡¯ll have to get a girlfriend, that¡¯s what I aspire. Otherwise, my manhood¡­ might expire.¡± I laughed, ¡°The heck does that mean?¡± Whilst we walked past the group, there was a girl whose eyes I met. My body shivered, but I wasn¡¯t sure yet why it did. I continued walking, but couldn¡¯t help myself from turning around. As I did, I saw her doing the same. Then she said, ¡°¡­Koji?¡± Her hair was longer now. She¡¯s a lot taller now, too. Though still shorter than I am. I stood still, staring at her in awe at her sudden appearance. The others near us got halted in their tracks too and I felt their gazes fixated on us. The same goes for the group of girls that she was standing with. ¡°¡­Nomura?¡± She took a step, slowly followed by another, then she took a full on sprint and leaped right into my arms. ¡°It¡¯s been so long!¡± She let go of me and started bouncing up and down, ¡°You¡¯ve gotten so good at the guitar! I was super shocked, you know, when I saw you on TV! Oh, I¡¯ve listened to your songs as well, they¡¯re awesome! I was so sad when I heard you were going to quit, though.¡± Very Nomura-like, her dialogue and facial expressions were all over the place. ¡°I know, but it can¡¯t be helped. There¡¯s too many fangirls like you who want to jump into my arms.¡± For some reason, I felt the good-old urge to annoy her. I¡¯ve always had that urge since we were little. The sibling-like quarrels. I can¡¯t lie, I missed those. ¡°Huh?! Koji! I¡¯m much more to you than just a fangirl, right?!¡± With this sudden encounter, we¡¯ve gathered quite the bit of attention on our first day of school. ¡°Koji¡­ don¡¯t tell me you already beat me to it? You¡¯ve got a girlfriend in less than a minute?¡± Morita wept. ¡°She¡¯s an old acquaintance,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m not an acquaintance!¡± she protested. It was strange. It had been so long, and there we were, talking to each other as if all those years in between had never happened. ¡°I¡¯m heading to class now,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m in 1-D, what about you?¡± She looked exaggeratedly sad and said, ¡°I¡¯m in 1-A.¡± ¡°Lucky me,¡± I said with a smile. She pinched my upper arm with quite the force, ¡°What was that?¡± She increased the power until I took my words back. ¡°Sorry, sorry, I was joking.¡± ¡°Hmph.¡± She dropped the quarrel routine and smiled, ¡°I¡¯m glad we¡¯re going to the same school again. See you around!¡± Morita and I continued our way to the classroom. ¡°That girl you talked to¡­ Are you an item, you two?¡± I shook my head, ¡°We lived together in my orphanage for seven years.¡± I put my index finger on my lips, ¡°But don¡¯t tell anyone, she might be hiding it.¡± ¡°You sure trust me a lot with this secret of yours. No worries, my mouth is shut as tight as bank vault doors.¡± We arrived at the classroom. The seats were written on the black board. I quickly scanned over them until I saw mine. I was seated one seat away from the window, separated from it by a girl. Meanwhile, Morita sat all the way on the other side of the classroom, the first seat in his row. ¡°Kuruno Koji,¡± he cried out, ¡°look where I sit! All the way in the front, that¡¯s a bunch of bullsh¡ª¡± I pushed my entire hand on his mouth. He sighed out loud when I let go, ¡°Aw man, let¡¯s hope for better seats next time,¡± he sighed again. ¡°I¡¯m so down, I don¡¯t even feel like dropping a rhyme.¡± The both of us sat down in our seats. Apparently, a couple minutes after Morita and I entered the school building, the word already got around that ¡®Kuruno Koji is here¡¯. Nomura¡¯s entr¨¦e only amplified the speed it got spread at, because of how long we stood still in the hallway. Only when I sat down did it really hit me. I hadn¡¯t seen her in person in nearly eight years. Yet it was as if nothing changed. She¡¯s still the old Nomura from back in the orphanage. Another surprise quickly followed when I saw yet another familiar face walking past me in the classroom. ¡°Kashimoto?¡± ¡°Morning,¡± he said with his eyes closed whilst sitting down behind me next to the window. He opened his eyes again and then yelled out in surprise, ¡°Forty-seven?! What are you doing here?¡± ¡°No, what are you doing here?¡± The both of us were equally surprised. ¡°Aren¡¯t you supposed to be a year above us or something?¡± ¡°Well, you see, last year¡¯s attendance and absence-y thingy was like thirty days. So I had to repeat this year,¡± he said matter-of-factly. ¡°¡­You skipped thirty days?¡± He shook his head, ¡°I came to school for a total of thirty days.¡± I was even more surprised than I was earlier. But then I thought back to when we were killing time and he told us three crazy truths. There would certainly be more to come of this. All of a sudden, Morita carried his chair across the classroom and placed it down, on the left side in front of me. This way he could see both me and Kashimoto at the same time. ¡°Boys, this is hard on me, I¡¯m stuck in the mud. I¡¯m seated all the way over there while you two are being all buddy-bud.¡± ¡°Hey, forty-seven. Who¡¯s this?¡± ¡°Morita,¡± I said. ¡°¡®Forty-seven¡¯ let¡¯s get one thing straight, is that your secret nickname or something, mate?¡± Morita asked. ¡°Only he calls me that though,¡± I gestured at the most brilliant weirdo. ¡°His name is Kashimoto.¡± ¡°What¡¯s all of this, Kuruno Koji, yo? Do you know everyone here already, da-yow?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I know enough people to come across anyone here again,¡± I said. The person seated next to me and the one next to Kashimoto were getting pretty awkward because of the three of us. The girl sitting next to me was getting extra embarrassed since Morita was pretty much seated right at her desk. She, and the boy behind me, got saved by the teacher entering the classroom. After his entrance followed introductions, the opening ceremony and soon after we were free to go home. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. The newly formed group of friends; Kashimoto, Morita and me were standing in front of the school gates. ¡°Today was over quickly, we¡¯re blessed. See you tomorrow, let¡¯s meet right here, I suggest.¡± ¡°Sounds good to me,¡± I said. ¡°Uh-huh. See you two tomorrow.¡± We all said goodbye and took our leaves home¡­ all in the same direction. We didn¡¯t say anything for a minute. Until I broke the silence, ¡°Hey, guys,¡± I grabbed their attention, and we stopped acting as if we didn¡¯t see each other. ¡°We can¡¯t say goodbye and then head the same way home. That¡¯s super awkward.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± Kashimoto nodded in agreement. ¡°Then, who gets this route and which route should the others take?¡± I slapped my palm on my forehead and sighed, ¡°That¡¯s not what I meant,¡± I said. ¡°We can¡¯t keep acting as if we don¡¯t see each other. We¡¯ll just say our goodbyes again when we actually part ways.¡± Kashimoto held his head in his fist and nodded, which I pictured like a wise man with a long beard, ¡°That sounds better than my proposal.¡± We ended up walking down the same road for about ten minutes before parting ways on a crossing where Morita took a turn left and Kashimoto went right. The remainder of my road home, I was thinking about Nomura. I didn¡¯t really go out of my way to find her again after the opening ceremony, but since we¡¯re going to the same school now, I didn¡¯t think there was any reason to rush. After that first day of school, I heard Katou¡¯s new song on the radio. It was called ¡®Whispers of the Storm¡¯ the first original song of hers that wasn¡¯t indirectly talking to me. I liked it, but this also gave me the idea she had given up on my return. Rightfully so. ¡°That was Katou¡¯s brand new song, ¡®Whispers of the Storm¡¯. And she¡¯s actually¡­ right here! Katou, congratulations on your new song.¡± ¡°Thank you very much. It¡¯s a little different from my previous two, but I hope my fans will like it.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sure they will, it¡¯s so good!¡± The rest of the conversation was some chit-chat, though it was refreshing to hear from Katou again after so long. ¡°Alright, Katou, before we let you go, I¡¯ve got one more question. Are there any details about your next song you can share?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know how much I¡¯m allowed to say¡­ but I¡¯ll let you in on the title, ¡®I can wait forever¡¯ please look forward to it.¡± Somehow, my entire body got all warm. She didn¡¯t give up on me. The start of my high school life went well. During last spring break I got my first phone, a flip phone. I exchanged mail addresses at school with Morita, Kashimoto and Nomura first. Then quickly followed some other people who wanted it for bragging rights. Even though my role as a creator of music had died out a long while ago, people still treated me the same as when I was a hot topic. I was truly grateful, and now wished all the more that I could find it again. I believed it was getting close. Morita¡¯s pestering gets me in the mood to make music, though I¡¯d never admit that in person to him. Seeing Kashimoto again, especially after his win on the big stage, was slowly lightning up that fire again. I got reunited with Nomura, which feels as if we¡¯d never parted ways. I wanted to show her just how cool I¡¯ve gotten over the years. And of course, Katou, too. She¡¯s the one anticipating my return the most. Mother and father, although they don¡¯t say it, they definitely, too, want me to come back. And there¡¯s one more person who I haven¡¯t forgotten about. Together with Nomura we promised we would make it to the biggest stage in the world. The first week of school went by with two notable things occurring, one being that on the two occasions I ate lunch with Nomura, she didn¡¯t eat a single thing out of my lunchbox. The second one being the awkward glances shared between my seat neighbour and Morita. Like he did on the first day of school, between classes, he carries his chair across the classroom and sits in front of the girl next to me. On Monday, the second week, he told us to go home ahead of him because he was going to confess his feelings to the girl. ¡°Don¡¯t you think he¡¯s rushing it?¡± Kashimoto asked me. ¡°If he waits too long, he might be too late. It¡¯s not always bad to rush with things like this, I think.¡± ¡°You might be right.¡± I woke up, extremely tired the next morning, but I was suddenly shaken out of my exhaustion when I remembered Morita¡¯s confession from yesterday. On my way to school, I bumped into Kashimoto. ¡°Good morning. Heard anything from Morita?¡± I asked him. ¡°Morning,¡± he yawned. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t. Guess we¡¯ll have to wait until he arrives.¡± ¡°Hey, Kashimoto, don¡¯t you think it¡¯s weird?¡± ¡°Yeah, I know. I thought he only had a thing for you,¡± he yawned again. ¡°That¡¯s not what I¡¯m talking about¡­ and I¡¯m pretty certain he doesn¡¯t.¡± At this point I started yawning, too. ¡°I¡¯m talking about you, you haven¡¯t skipped a day of school yet. I know it¡¯s only the second week, but are you enjoying it this time around?¡± ¡°I guess so,¡± he said with yet another yawn. I was ready to tackle two days at once when I woke up, but Kashimoto¡¯s yawning was too contagious that I was tired all over again. Until Morita came running down the street, yelling, ¡°I did it!¡± With a big one-eighty jump at the end of his run, he landed right in front of us and saluted, ¡°Listen up, I got a girlfriend! She¡¯s so cute, must be an angel¡ªa heaven¡¯s descend.¡± ¡°You really did it, huh. Congrats!¡± I said. ¡°Hehe, thanks! Oh, on that note, I can¡¯t forget to say. She¡¯s in the track club, so things can¡¯t stay the same way. I¡¯ll be a member, too, signing up at the end of the day. So sorry guys, I didn¡¯t mean to betray, but we can¡¯t go home together everyday.¡± Kashimoto bumped his shoulder, ¡°Hey, don¡¯t worry about us, have fun with your girlfriend.¡± When we neared the school gates, she was waiting for him. ¡°Ah, Morita,¡± she said, all flustered. ¡°Good morning.¡± ¡°Good-good-good,¡± his words were stuck on repeat in his throat. He tried playing it off by saying it rhythmically and nodding his head to the beat. ¡°Good-good, good-good¡­ good-good morning!¡± She held her fist up to her mouth and let out a cute giggle. Reading Kashimoto¡¯s face, I could tell we were thinking the exact same thing, these two are hopeless. The next surprise in my life hit harder than anything else had. It was the rise of a high school girl, other than Katou, in the music industry. I felt entranced when I first heard her voice on the radio. The divinity of her voice would make you think she¡¯s a household name in the business. But that first song I heard of her was her debut in the world of music. ¡°You just listened to Heart Attack. Believe it or not, that song is written and sung by a fifteen year old, it¡¯s her debut song no less. Remember the name, because she¡¯s here to stay; Hori Fuyuko!¡± ¡°¡­Fuyuko¡­ Is Hori her last name?¡± I started digging deep in my brain to see if I had any recollection of her surname ever being mentioned. But what was I even doing¡­ I had a feeling the moment I heard the song. This divinity cannot be replicated. I laid down in my bed and stared at my guitar placed next to the wall, untouched for what felt like decades. I used to fly. I played songs on my guitar, and no one was a match for my ever growing hunger for skill. I kept getting better and ended up beating the Kashimoto in the Nationals. I had also surpassed my rival Katou. Now I¡¯m the only one who¡¯s not making music anymore. I used to fly, but now it¡¯s my dreams that have taken flight. I used to get cramps in my fingers from just how much I played. Unfortunately now they¡¯re perfectly fine. I used to dream so big, that the sound of them loudly roared in my ears, killing every other sound in my surroundings. ¡°Have you dared to dream big?¡± Those were my words weren¡¯t they? I could¡¯ve fought that feeling as much as I wanted, but nothing would ever change it. I have lost it. Long ago. And now, even the sound of my guitar, the sound of these silent strings, scream louder than any of my dreams. I¡¯m worn out. Once again, I let the days pass me by. Wasting the time of my youth that adults often refer to as the best time of their lives. One day, after school, I went to a bookstore with Morita. ¡°Kuruno Koji, wait on me!¡± He ran behind me after I¡¯d already parted ways with Kashimoto. ¡°Club activities ended early today, you see.¡± ¡°Good for your legs, I suppose. But this is not your way home, you know?¡± He put his arm over my shoulder and said, ¡°Don¡¯t worry Koji, I¡¯ve got a plan. Let¡¯s kill some time at the bookstore, man.¡± I reacted a little too surprised, which most people would probably find insulting, ¡°You read?¡± He laughed and said, ¡°Of course not, who do you take me for? Any old book to me is a bore. I just wanna kill time and read manga at the store.¡± I let out a sigh, a sigh of defeat, ¡°Alright, I¡¯ve got nothing else to do anyway.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I¡¯m talking about! Let¡¯s stack up manga and go all-out¡± Once we arrived, he did just as he had said. I followed him to the manga section and saw him taking about a dozen. Of course without any intention of buying them. When he collected everything he wanted to read, he fell down on one of the sofas in the store. ¡°I¡¯ll be looking for something to read, be right back.¡± I was aimlessly walking around the store. Maybe something would catch my eye, I thought. Then, on one of the display shelves I saw a book titled ¡®I¡¯m Free¡¯. I reached for it, the girl on the cover, though she changed a lot, was definitely Fuyuko. I flipped through the pages and read the front and back of the book. It was apparently a memoir, promoted as a memoir short-read. Still standing in the aisle where it was displayed, I started reading it. It started out with her story of how she went from being a child with an abusive mother and a father who left them behind to a girl that¡¯s free and sings to her heart¡¯s content. Whilst my legs were getting tired, my eyes were the opposite; I read through the entire thing. Every single page. She talks about her time before the orphanage, her time during and her time after. Her school life as middle schooler and her high school experience. Everything is written with a lot of thought and emotion put into it. It was undeniably a good read. I was sure it would sell well. Though it¡¯s incomplete. It might be a selfish thing to say, but I believe there was a boy in her life. A boy that had at least enough impact on her life to be mentioned once. But not even once did she talk about that boy. Not that she forgot about me. Oh, definitely not. For every moment we shared, each that I held dear to heart, I was replaced by other people. Nomura was the only one she made the promise with. Tanaka was the one who replaced me in every instance of the tree. Tatsurou made an appearance in my stead on the roof. And Hibino, she was the one who consoled her before her mother came to take her back home. She talks about people ranging from the most significant to the most insignificant. And nowhere on that scale did she find a place to talk about me. She replaced me in every memory. In this book of hers she talks about Tanaka. She talks about Nomura. She talks about Hibino. She talks about Tatsurou. She talks about people whose names I¡¯m naturally unfamiliar with. But¡ª ¡ªshe doesn¡¯t talk about me. I closed the book and put it back on the display shelf. I walked through the store and saw Morita still seated with his pile of manga on the sofa. ¡°Morita, I¡¯m going home.¡± I was devastated. The person I cherished most wrote a book that holds every little detail about her life and not once did she think about writing my name down in one of the moments we shared together. While she was stuck in my mind for all these years, I came to realise in the harshest way possible that all this time it had been one-sided. I held back the tears. Over the years I¡¯ve gotten good at that. But when it suddenly started raining on my way home, I thought it wasn¡¯t that bad. Now it wouldn¡¯t be as apparent if I didn¡¯t fight back. I raised my head toward the cloudy sky. The raindrops falling down on my face, indistinguishable from my tears, ¡°¡­She doesn¡¯t talk about me.¡± 11. Mr. Throwaway-Child I¡®M EXHAUSTED¡¯, is what I kept telling myself every time the thought of my guitar rose up in my mind. While I was laying down in my bed, still devastated, I got a mail from Morita, ¡°Let¡¯s hang out.¡± I glanced at the time, it was already ten in the evening and we had school the next day. I wasn¡¯t really in the mood to hang out anyway. I ignored his mail, but then quickly got another, ¡°Let¡¯s hang out.¡± He kept spamming the same message until I finally gave in and replied, ¡°No.¡± ¡°Aw man, don¡¯t be like that,¡± he replied back. I thought it was finally over when he didn¡¯t send anything for a while, until I got another mail from him, ¡°Kashimoto said OK, let¡¯s hang out.¡± ¡°What would we even do, it¡¯s ten.¡± ¡°Dunno. We¡¯ll figure something out when we¡¯re out and about.¡± Two against one. I was tired, craving sleep and I had spent way too much time in the bookstore already. But I couldn¡¯t pass up with any excuse, they¡¯d keep bothering me and I wouldn¡¯t get a minute of sleep that way either. So for once, and only for once, I would go along with their baseless plan and hang out after ten. Luckily for my tired body, I didn¡¯t have to walk long before reaching the meet-up spot; being the park near my house. ¡°Good evening,¡± I said to the two, seated on a park bench. ¡°Yo, good evening, glad you¡¯ve arrived,¡± Morita said, not rhyming for once. ¡°Evening.¡± I sat down as well since there was enough space for the three of us¡ªand my body wouldn¡¯t forgive me if I stood up any longer. ¡°So¡­ what now?¡± I asked. ¡°I just needed to go out for a minute, I¡¯m sorry for calling you two out.¡± He looked clearly troubled. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± He loudly sighed, ¡°I¡¯m not a relationship type of guy,¡± he sighed. ¡°I¡¯ll never find real love at this rate.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± I asked him. ¡°You have a girlfriend, right?¡± He placed both of his hands on the back of the bench and faced the night sky, ¡°We¡¯re not together anymore. The captain of my club said he¡¯d steal my girl from me¡­ and he did just that.¡± ¡°Huh? Taking a girl from a junior? That¡¯s not stealing!¡± Kashimoto protested, ¡°That¡¯s¡­ That¡¯s a hand-me-down!¡± I let out a roaring laugh, and so did Morita. When, after a little while, our laughter died down, Morita said, ¡°Thanks for cheering me up, bro. I¡¯m still super pissed though.¡± He had his arms crossed and repeatedly tapped his finger on his arm, ¡°She¡¯ll regret treating me this way. That¡¯s why we¡¯ve gathered here today. It¡¯s time for talks about our song together.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± He smugly smiled and said, ¡°The three of us, one song. Sounds good, right? Or am I wrong?¡± Kashimoto said, ¡°Have you heard of our school district¡¯s talent show? It¡¯s an annual event where schools gather and have their students display all sorts of talents. What about making a song together for that?¡± After asking he added, ¡°Our school has never won it, so it¡¯d be a really terrific achievement.¡± ¡°Kashimoto!¡± Morita yelled out. ¡°That¡¯s brilliant!¡± They were discussing how to combine our talents together and make that into a song. ¡°Hey you two,¡± I said. ¡°I haven¡¯t played the guitar for over a year. I can¡¯t possibly make a song with you two right now.¡± In the end, no matter how badly I tried to protest it, I would take part in their repetition for the talent show next month. However, I did tell them if it doesn¡¯t work out, which I was sure of it wouldn¡¯t, that I¡¯d be dropping out. * * * For the following days at school, we were planning a song, but we didn¡¯t get anywhere at all. During lunch break we sat down in the cafeteria and gave a brainstorming session another shot. Kashimoto said, ¡°Why don¡¯t we make this song about you, Koji? It¡¯ll be your return song or something.¡± I shook my head, ¡°We¡¯re not even sure if I¡¯ll be there to play in the actual event. So, no.¡± Suddenly, Nomura took the empty seat next to me. ¡°Hey, Koji! Wanna eat lunch together?¡± ¡°¡­Our definitions of eating lunch together aren¡¯t the same,¡± I said, flooding my mind with distant memories of her stealing everything inside my lunch box back in elementary school. ¡°Wait, Koji, don¡¯t send her away,¡± Morita said. ¡°I have a question to ask, if I may?¡± He was looking at Nomura. She looked slightly surprised, ¡°Me?¡± She asked as she pointed at herself. ¡°Please listen to our idea. We¡¯ll be making a song, us three,¡± he moved his fingers, pointing back and forth between himself, Kashimoto and me. ¡°We want to make it about Koji, but he has doubts, since he¡¯s thinking about his own exclusion. So I thought maybe you could be our problem¡¯s solution.¡± ¡°Huh? Really? You¡¯re going to make music again?¡± Nomura shouted while leaning in closer. I pulled away from her and said, ¡°Nothing is set in stone yet. Don¡¯t get your hopes up over nothing.¡± ¡°¡®Problem¡¯s solution¡¯, huh. Whatd¡¯ya want me to do?¡± Kashimoto took a note pad and pen, seemingly out of thin air and smoothly slid them diagonally over the table. Equally smooth, he said, ¡°Please write down every single thing you know about Koji.¡± Nomura grabbed the pen, ¡°Alrighty, I¡¯m on it,¡± and started writing. ¡°Stop, stop, stop,¡± I kept repeating. ¡°How would that help us?¡± ¡°Kuruno Koji, Koji, Koji¡­ you just don¡¯t get it at all,¡± Morita said while shaking his head. ¡°So without further ado, let me explain how we¡¯ll make this song about you. Nomura will write down everything that she knows. We¡¯ll filter that information and see how it goes. We could use some cool, sad and embarrassing things that she chose. Mixing it all together, me, the most pro-prose of prose pros¡­ That might be a bit much of the pro¡¯s proposal of prose¡ª¡± ¡°¡ªI suppose. But the moment our song is done, we¡¯ll bulldoze through all talent shows. No one will stand a chance against the most formidable of trios.¡± He took a moment to catch his breath. ¡°We¡¯ll walk on the stage, the audience¡¯s arousal arose. Koji¡¯s return¡ªfrom the shadows he rose. He¡¯s back now, thanks to three heroes. And when, finally, our performance comes to a close, we¡¯ll leave the crowd baffled, speechless, stunned and many more of those from their heads to their toes and back to their nose.¡± He held his chin up high and his face carried the most graceful look of superiority anyone on this planet had ever carried, only to be wiped away by a single comment from Kashimoto, ¡°Wouldn¡¯t that be ¡®noses¡¯ instead of ¡®nose¡¯?¡± ¡°Why are you all so relaxed? I rhymed so many times I nearly collapsed! Nose or noses, that doesn¡¯t matter! I¡¯m the head chef, the words; my batter. I bake that goo up, serve it on a silver platter. For you ungrateful lot to shatter¡­ A single mistake from the prose spatter doesn¡¯t make him a prose blabber.¡± ¡°Morita¡­ All of that was at least tenfold the quality of the ¡®one-hour rap, no beat¡¯ you made,¡± I said. To which he bashfully thanked me. In the end, we decided to go along with his plan. Nomura wrote some things down about me, handed that to Morita who would be coming up with the song¡¯s lyrics. Which would leave the music to Kashimoto and, hopefully, me. * * * At the dinner table that day, I was contemplating on whether I should tell my parents about the song we¡¯re trying to make. I didn¡¯t want to get their hopes up, but I thought that asking father might help me out, ¡°I might be making a song with friends at school, for a talent show.¡± If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Mother nearly choked on her food and started coughing, ¡°¡­R-really?¡± I nodded my head, ¡°I¡¯m not sure yet if I¡¯ll actually do it, but I wanted to ask you for advice,¡± I looked at dad, ¡°since I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯ll be able to play.¡± He slightly smiled and said, ¡°Good. I¡¯ll help you out. Go get your guitar when we¡¯re done eating.¡± When I finished my dinner, I stood up from the table, ¡°Thanks for the food,¡± and walked off to the stairs. Whilst walking upstairs I heard the sound of a high-five. I grabbed my guitar, the bigger one, from my room and returned downstairs. ¡°Alright, Koji. What kind of song are you planning to make?¡± I sat down on the sofa next to him and explained Morita¡¯s situation, which led to the potential participation in our school district¡¯s talent show and that our song would be about me. ¡°Interesting,¡± he said, deeply concentrated. ¡°So, will it be a happy song about you, or a sad one?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know yet, but if I had to take a guess, it¡¯d be a sad song.¡± He stood up and said, ¡°I¡¯ll be right back.¡± Not much later he returned with a CD that he placed into the radio. ¡°Listen up, Koji.¡± He pressed the play button and a familiar song started playing on the radio. ¡°Is that the song from your band?¡± With a slight smile, he replied, ¡°Glad you remember. Now, focus on the music and forget the vocals.¡± To concentrate better, I closed my eyes and let my conscious get absorbed by the music. The rhythm of the instruments together have an active calmness to it. It¡¯s gentle, yet you want to rock your head back and forth to it. I started picking the instruments apart from the unison. The sound of the drums is the most notable one, since that¡¯s the beat I was nodding my head to. The way the guitar was played reminded me of the upbeat melodies I had been playing at the end of my time with the guitar. Hearing myself in the music was like staring into a mirror with an incomplete reflection. I found myself in a white zone of tranquillity, there¡¯s nothing but me, the mirror and me in the mirror. The music was slowly fading away. I stared at myself, but the Koji on the other side, though our eyes are locked together, isn¡¯t looking at me at all. He¡¯s staring right through me, to something far beyond his reach; further beyond mine. I turned my head around, watching the blinding light in the distance twinkle down like snow, getting harsher by the second. Snowfall turned a blizzard. I watched it coming down over my head, leaving a trace of emptiness all around. The last bits of light faded. The white zone became a void. A niveous shiver ran down my spine. I turned my gaze towards the mirror again. But this time, there was no reflection at all. Koji was no more. I came back to my senses with streams of tears rolling down my face. Is it too late? ¡°¡­Are you alright?¡± Can I still turn things around? ¡°Koji?¡± Can I still grasp it, or is it already far beyond my reach? I looked dad in the eyes and said, ¡°I want to do it again. I want to play music!¡± He looked at me with that slight smile he wears whenever he¡¯s trying to hide his joy. ¡°Let¡¯s go practice together. Sounds good?¡± I nodded, ¡°Yeah. Sounds good.¡± * * * When the talent show rolled around, it was time to show everyone just how hard the three of us worked to get our song to this level. We practiced combining Kashimoto¡¯s talents on the violin with my upbeat guitar melody that I had been working on with dad. Morita wrote most of the song, using a bit of information that Nomura offered us¡­ instead of simply asking me. After he had finished his part, I was responsible for the chorus. At the talent show, a handful of schools in our district have gathered to display their student¡¯s talents in an attempt to be declared the winner. There weren¡¯t too many people who turned up if you take into account the amount of schools that gathered there. Although it did make sense, it was on a Saturday after all. The first few performances were anything but atypical for a talent show; there was a magician, a comedy-skit duo, a group of dancers and a karate demonstration. Next up, it was our turn. The three of us walked out of the crowd and onto the stage. While standing there, only one thought was swirling in my mind, ¡®I¡¯m back¡¯. Morita nonchalantly stretched his arms high above his head, then took one of the two microphones out of its stand. ¡°Morita on the mic with Kuruno Koji and Kashimoto on my side. Better sit tight, open your eyes wide because you¡¯re in for a ride. This is Ku-Mo-Ka,¡± he made that up on the spot, ¡°with our original song, ¡®Mr. Throwaway Child¡¯.¡± Kashimoto lifted his violin atop of his shoulder and placed his chin down. With slow strokes of his bow, he gently started the song. I rhythmically tapped on my guitar before joining in with my strings. Morita started his part. ¡°Uh, Mister Throwaway-child Mister Throwaway, Throwaway Mister Throwaway-child Mister, Mister throw---away Life is hard, ain''t nothing new Life is hard for superstar Koji, too Life is hard, though we push through Life is hard, but facing hardships is all we can do Now it was my turn to sing the chorus. ¡°I¡¯m drowning in my own despair Even when I find myself stranded ashore, grasping for air I¡¯m still drifting off, seemingly to nowhere But when I look in the water, my reflection¡¯s not there Drowning in my own despair Morita¡¯s rap continued. ¡°Look at him now Who would''ve thought... that this king Was a little baby boy, born in blooming spring Without a proper chance at life He wasn''t given a thing Parents handed him to the midwife It was half past midnight What''s happening, what''s going on, this can''t be right Before the baby developed his sight His parents took flight Now he cries in the dark and hides his tears in the light . . . Love from parents... isn''t that the birth-right?¡± The chorus, with tenfold the emotion. ¡°I¡¯m drowning in my own despair Even when I find myself stranded ashore, grasping for air I¡¯m still drifting off, seemingly to nowhere But when I look in the water, my reflection¡¯s not there Drowning in my own despair¡± ¡°Now he''s labelled Mister Throwaway-Child Mother doesn''t miss her throwaway child Father is mister throws away child Family disbanded, Koji abandoned, a child exiled Left unloved, unwanted; undesired Even when he shuts his eyes, he¡¯s nevertheless everlastingly tired Still Through hard work, musical genius; acquired Thousands of fans; inspired Biological parents¡­; no longer required You better never forget, this baby boy was desperate for love But you let him lone in the cold, now he thinks he ain''t enough Yeah, life is hard for mom and dad too Might be true . . . Though that may be How could you live your life, turn old man and lady Knowing that you didn''t even name your own baby¡± ¡°I¡¯m drowning in my own despair Even when I find myself stranded ashore, grasping for air I¡¯m still drifting off, seemingly to nowhere But when I look in the water, my reflection¡¯s not there Drowning in my own despair More people came along, astonished I stare Stranded out here in the wild I closed my eyes and gently smiled I¡¯m no longer a throwaway-child No longer Mr. Throwaway-Child¡± A deafening applause followed the end of our song. Like Morita had said a few months before; we bulldozed the talent show and won our school¡¯s first. 12. Celestial Roamer For the first time in a long while, I would be making my way to the studio. During the week after the talent show, recordings of our performance spread around, mostly being praised. Eventually, the producer I used to work with got to see it, too, and decided to call me up. I stood in front of the large building, where I would regularly find myself on the seventh floor in the past. Even though it had been quite a while since I was last there, it was almost as if I had never left. Everything was still in the same place. The people I used to regularly bump into in the hallways greeted me as if I bumped into them yesterday as well. The familiarity, the sense of belonging, all of that makes me understand that I¡¯m tied to this place. That I want to be tied to this place. It¡¯s special to me. Despite that feeling, I still ran away from it when things didn¡¯t go down a desirable path. Perhaps it¡¯s regret. Perhaps it¡¯s the end of feeling homesick. But walking inside this building as a revenant, treated as a habitu¨¦, made me feel all warm inside. I was a few doors away from my old producer¡¯s studio when I bumped into the first person who seemed spooked to see me again. ¡°Kuruno Koji,¡± she said, slowly, while stopping in her tracks. ¡°It¡¯s been a while,¡± I politely said with a slight bow. ¡°Congratulations on the success of your new album,¡± I added, which she ignored. ¡°I never thought I¡¯d see you walking in here again. Tired of being called a failed ¡®one-hit wonder¡¯?¡± It was kind of harsh getting to know that title, especially coming from one of the most successful people I¡¯ve met face to face; LuNA, but she wouldn¡¯t have said it hadn¡¯t it been true. Still, I had no clue I was labelled that to begin with, so I shook my head, ¡°I came here to stay this time.¡± The unpretty title I was given shook me a little bit emotionally, maybe that¡¯s why I added, ¡°I might be titled ¡®failed¡¯ for now, but every failure I face, is but a step towards my inevitable success.¡± She smiled at my overly arrogant comment and slapped me on my shoulder whilst walking away, ¡°I like your attitude kid. See you around.¡± I continued my way to the studio, knocked on the door once I arrived and slowly opened it¡ªtaking in all the nostalgia fluttering through my brain. When I walked inside the room, the producer stood up from his chair and said, ¡°At long last¡­ reunited.¡± As dramatic as always, though that¡¯s included in the feeling of familiarity, too. ¡°I¡¯m glad to be back,¡± I said. ¡°Woah, your voice really is a little deeper, huh. You¡¯ve grown a bit taller, too.¡± ¡°It would be a shame if I didn¡¯t,¡± I said, to which we shared a little laugh. Then he gestured at his chair. ¡°Please, take a seat.¡± While taking a folding chair for himself. ¡°Alright, Koji, first things first, ¡®Mr. Throwaway-Child¡¯. Gather the friends you¡¯ve made it with as quickly as possible, because we¡¯re going to make it a hit!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll ask them, though I already know that they want to be a part of this.¡± ¡°Perfect. Next thing¡­ Are you ready to make your big comeback?¡± Without hesitation, and with overbearing confidence glimmering in my eyes, I said, ¡°Yes, I am.¡± He rubbed his hands together with a smile equalling the confidence of mine, ¡°Hit after hit, that¡¯s what we¡¯re aiming for. Do you have any ideas for your first song after Throwaway-Child?¡± I couldn¡¯t tell him everything just yet, not before asking the person in question. ¡°I do. It¡¯ll be called ¡®Snowfall turned a Blizzard¡¯ but I have to talk to someone first, is that alright?¡± ¡°No problem,¡± he said. ¡°Let¡¯s focus on the song at hand now, we¡¯ll discuss the rest after.¡± Suddenly the door opened, only to be slammed close again before I could turn around to see who it was. The both of us fell silent for a second, until he said, ¡°Anyway¡­ I¡¯m not going to take too much of your time today. I was just dying to see you again after hearing you in a song again. Bring your friends with you next time you come if you can, I¡¯ll get everything ready that needs taking care of.¡± I stood up from his chair and said, ¡°I will, I¡¯m sure they¡¯ll look forward to it.¡± ¡°Take care, Koji.¡± I left the room, closed the door and saw another familiar someone sitting against the wall with her legs curled up and her head held down in her knees. It had been exactly, on the nose, been a year since I last saw her. She probably noticed that I didn¡¯t walk away after closing the door, hence why she slowly rolled her head sideways on her knees. Her hair, a little longer since I last saw her, clumsily laid over her shoulder, with strands of it over her lips. ¡°Happy birthday, Katou.¡± Her cheeks, partially covered, were still visibly flushed. It looked as if she stopped breathing. The only thing moving were her eyes, darting between mine, blinking with that little bit more repetition. I sat down next to her, with my back to the wall, and my legs curled up as well. ¡°How is your new song coming along? I¡¯ve been listening to everything you¡¯ve brought out. You¡¯re doing even better than I was.¡± She buried her face between her knees again, not saying a word. I continued, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, for giving up on music. This time I won¡¯t run away anymore. I¡¯ll make it work, no matter what it takes.¡± She still didn¡¯t say a word, so I continued with a proposal. ¡°So, rival, ready to make music together? I¡¯ve already got a song fitting your style in mind.¡± Her answer lacked words, but was clearer than any words could be; she rested her head against my shoulder, as softly as a cat¡¯s headbutt. The ends of her lips slightly raised up, a smile appeared. The warmth and calm she spread, really felt like a pet¡¯s love. She¡¯s certainly not a cat, since she lacks the fur and whiskers, but who knows, she might¡¯ve started purring. When we sat there for a little while, her stomach started growling, which came close to the sound of a cat purring. She jumped up and took off. * * * The following week, on Monday, I told the other¡¯s the news when I bumped into them on my way to school. ¡°Kuruno Koji¡­ you have to be kidding, right? One song of us three and our careers are taking flight! Who would¡¯ve thought¡­ superstars overnight.¡± Kashimoto, who was walking in the middle of us three, swung his arms over our shoulders. Uncharacteristic of him, he said, ¡°Let¡¯s not get ahead of ourselves. This is only the start, bros.¡± He raised his head towards the morning sun. The way he said ¡°bros¡±, like Morita often did, was the most atypical thing out of everything he said. ¡°Yeah¡­ you¡¯re right. Oh, I almost forgot, we need a group name.¡± ¡°Huh? What¡¯s that mean Kuruno Koji, bro? We already got a name, ¡®Ku-Mo-Ka, no?¡± Kashimoto and I both said, ¡°We never agreed to that name.¡± ¡°By the way, Morita,¡± I said. ¡°You can just call me Koji, you know? No need to say my full name everytime.¡± ¡°You sure? I always do out of great respect. If that¡¯s your wish, then who am I to reject. I will call you Koji from now on, with immediate effect. That same day during lunch break, we had our breakthrough in finding a name all of us could agree on. Well, at least when Nomura joined our table. Before that we were stuck with no progress as usual with our brainstorming sessions. ¡°What about The Disposables?¡± Nomura suggested. The three of us blankly stared without saying anything for a minute. All the names we had been suggesting before her arrival were dismissed within seconds, though this one stuck. It sounded right. Even though she might¡¯ve been trying to make fun of us¡­ Though it really felt like something we could label ourselves as. ¡°We are The Disposables,¡± yeah, that couldn¡¯t be more perfect. ¡°¡­Nomura,¡± I started. ¡°¡ªThat¡¯s perfect¡­¡± Kashimoto continued. Thus, the tale of The Disposables started. We fine tuned our song with the producer, released it not long after and each one of us ended up getting a contract deal. Morita¡¯s rap was easy to integrate with other artists, since he brought such a unique touch to every song he featured in. The same went for Kashimoto, not many people, especially of his age, can play the violin quite like he does. There¡¯s still me of course, after our first song as The Disposables took off, it was time for the comeback of Kuruno Koji. ¡°Good you¡¯re here,¡± my producer said. ¡°Katou will hopefully be arriving soon.¡± After practising together the past two Saturdays, on this one we would put the song together, completing it. The song is still called ¡®Snowfall turned a Blizzard¡¯. I¡¯m the gentler version of snow; the Snowfall and Katou¡¯s signature ¡®mayhem¡¯ is the Blizzard. The producer stood up from his folding chair and said, ¡°I¡¯m going to get a cup of coffee. Need some, too?¡± ¡°No, thanks. I don¡¯t really like bitter things.¡± ¡°Ha-ha, every coffee lover said that at some point in their lives. Anyway, be right back.¡± Shortly after he left, and all-in-all not much after my arrival, Katou arrived as well. ¡°Good morning,¡± she said. ¡°Good morning, a little late, huh,¡± I teasingly said. ¡°Sorry, Tokyo boy, but I came here all the way from Shizuoka while you look like you came straight out of bed.¡± Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. I laughed, not expecting her to come back so hard at me. ¡°Ready to finish the song?¡± ¡°Yup!¡± she said, as she sat down on the armrest of the chair. ¡°Have you already been thinking about your next song after this?¡± I nodded. ¡°It¡¯s one about falling out of love, and then reawakening that love.¡± A little wide-eyed, she asked, ¡°With who?¡± ¡°With ¡®what¡¯ you mean,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s about me and my guitar. I have yet to come up with a title, though.¡± ¡°Oh, do you have a bit of the text already?¡± ¡°Yeah, but only a little. Want me to sing it?¡± She very eagerly nodded her head, ¡°Please do!¡± But before I could, the producer walked in. ¡°Great, you¡¯re here! Let¡¯s get started shall we?¡± We quickly wrapped things up, we only had the official recording to do after all. As the gentleman I¡¯ve been raised to be, I walked her to the station. I had no excuses such as ¡®it¡¯s dangerous at night¡¯ since it was broad daylight. So I had to be honest when she wondered why I went out of my way to walk her and told her that I did so because I wanted to. * * * A couple of weeks later, both Mr. Throwaway-Child and Snowfall turned a Blizzard were doing pretty good and the producer asked me if I could release another song, to ride on the current hype going about my return. I had already told Katou a little about it, my next song was about falling out of love. Me and my guitar. It didn¡¯t take long before the song was ready to go and within a month of the previous one releasing, it was already on the radio. ¡°Next up¡­ a new song called ¡®Apathetic Fool¡¯ by no one other than Kuruno Koji,¡± the radio DJ said. ¡°That¡¯s his third song since his break, and I can¡¯t wait to hear what it¡¯ll sound like. Alright, enjoy.¡± I was at home in the living room when it came on. Mom was there as well, looking very proud of me, as she had been with the other two songs as well. I might be mistaken Though I know I miss taking you wherever I went Whenever I go, looking forward to the moments together we''ll spend If you told me that one day this all would come to an end I would be lost Not a clue what to do But I can''t live with you How could I possibly ignore That I don''t love you anymore ...I don''t love you anymore Everyday, I meet your gaze You''re trying to lure me in But I resist your deception and temptation at will No matter how much I long for distant days to come I know they''ll never return No matter how much we wait We''re in overtime already, it''s far too late I''m a pathetic apathetic fool About to lose my cool, you''re far too cruel Reawakening something deep inside me; the roar I can''t withstand it no more I recently came up with a song I''m sure you''ll adore But I''ll never let you hear it, for... I don''t love you anymore At long last, you''re back in my embrace Finally, I came to understand That I must never let go of your hand I''ll hold you tight With all my might Together we shine so bright A blindingly white light We''ll shine on like this forever if that''s alright So, in the end, I can no longer pretend That I''m an apathetic fool to this extent To this extreme Take my hand and together we''ll dream Again, like we used to when we were seven I can no longer lie, no longer deny That I love you more, each day passing by Now I''m not even sure why I was a pathetic fool, afraid to fly ¡°That¡¯s another great song, Koji! What will you make next? Or am I not allowed to know again?¡± She asked, exaggerating a sad expression. ¡°Yup, it¡¯ll be a secret again.¡± ¡°You sure know how to keep people on ropes, you know.¡± I laughed, realising it was pretty true, ¡°I¡¯ll let you in on one thing, it¡¯ll be another song as The Disposables.¡± She clapped her hands together, ¡°Oh, how exciting!¡± Our next song together was a very energetic song, called ¡®Athlete on the Beat¡¯. It was inspired by Morita¡¯s past pursuits in the track club before his girlfriend broke up with him. Though you¡¯d never guess that if you didn¡¯t carefully decipher the lyrics. The song turned out to be one that even I¡ªa person who doesn¡¯t dance¡ªgoes crazy to. Next up, it was time to make big moves in order to keep my momentum going. Every single one of my friends in music was doing great, so I couldn¡¯t slack one bit or I¡¯d fall behind. ¡°Koji, good to see you,¡± my producer said as I entered the building. It was late in the afternoon on a weekday, I didn¡¯t usually go there from Monday to Friday, but I had requested something. ¡°Just follow the way to my studio, but enter the second door instead.¡± I did as he said, and knocked on the door once I was there. ¡°Hm? Come in,¡± the voice behind the door said. I opened it and saw LuNA seated in her office chair, with the backrest pretty much horizontally down and she was playing her electric guitar on top of her stomach. ¡°Huh? You here?¡± ¡°Sorry for¡­ uh¡­ interrupting.¡± She stretched her left arm down and rocked her chair back into its original position. ¡°It¡¯s cool. What do you need?¡± ¡°I wanted to ask you if we could make a song together,¡± I told her, straight to the point. She looked at me with little to no readable expression on her face. Then she slightly sucked in her lips, squinting her eyes ever so slightly. It quickly became obvious to me that she wouldn¡¯t be able to hold it in. ¡®It¡¯ being roaring laughter. I stood there, baffled, watching her burst out laughing while I was dead serious about my request. When she slowly recovered from laughing, her expressionless face made its return. ¡°Wait, you¡¯re serious?¡± I looked her dead in the eye, with no hesitation I said, ¡°Yes.¡± Which replayed the previous scene; she burst out laughing again. At this point, the laughter felt a tad bit too personal. I had to do something to restore my confidence that had been shattered into a million pieces. I walked into the room, but saw nowhere to sit, so I sat down cross-legged on the floor. When I earnestly looked her in the eyes again, she said, ¡°Since you¡¯re so serious, I¡¯ll show you my good heart and hear you out.¡± ¡°Good heart, yeah, right. You¡¯re just having a good time making fun of me.¡± She laughed again, ¡°You got me. Well, anyway, let me hear it.¡± I suddenly remembered how she said that she liked my arrogant attitude last time we bumped into each other. I quickly changed up my way of presenting my proposal. ¡°You¡¯ve been one of the most popular artists for a while now, right?¡± ¡°Right,¡± she immediately affirmed. ¡°So, I was thinking, if one of the best artists out there, pairs up with one of the most exciting upcoming artists¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯d be you?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± She laughed. I continued, ¡°It would be a win-win-win situation.¡± I piqued her interest if her current curious facial expression was anything to go by. ¡°Don¡¯t you mean win-win situation?¡± ¡°The first win,¡± I said, ¡°is that my reach will grow and I could potentially launch my career to another level.¡± She leaned her head on her fist and seemed to be attentively listening. ¡°The second win, if you pair up with someone like me to make a song, you¡¯re guaranteed to stay relevant for as long as my music is played. Since a song with you would certainly be my best wouldn¡¯t it?¡± I saw her facial expression changing again, she looked conflicted this time around. ¡°What¡¯s the last win?¡± She asked. ¡°The third, and last win, is that you won¡¯t have to lay down horizontally in your office chair¡­ doing jack shit, until an amusing person like me walks into the room, brightening up your dull day.¡± I sounded very harsh and intense, especially taking into consideration that I was still a child, talking this way to an adult. But she was loving it, yet another outburst of laughter. ¡°You¡¯ve got some nerve kid!¡± With her smile still present on her face, she bonked her guitar on top of my head. Not that I didn¡¯t deserve that. ¡°I¡¯ll make a song with you, alright? Bring me a good idea and I¡¯ll give you my time of day.¡± ¡°Thank you!¡± She was barely present in the building, but the next time she was there, I had my proposal completely ready. I showed her what I had written as my part of the song and asked her to fill in hers. She¡¯s been a professional for a very long time now, but I still didn¡¯t expect her to finish it up in no time. On the same day of my proposal, we had completed the lyrics, played it together, fine tuned all the things that needed to be taken care of and even professionally recorded the audio. When we made our way out of the building, I accidentally let the words in my mind slip out of my mouth, ¡°No wonder you have so much time to laze around everyday if this is the pace you finish everything on.¡± She grabbed me by my neck and aggressively ruffled through my hair, ¡°I don¡¯t want to hear that from you, mister disappears for a year.¡± The song we made together that day was called ¡®Celestial Roamer¡¯. And like I had said during my proposal, for a good while it was labelled my best song yet. But to both of our surprises, it was seen as one of LuNA¡¯s best as well. I wouldn¡¯t have said it in her face, but that could only mean one thing; the Koji effect. Well, all kidding aside, I was very glad the song did so well. At this point in time, thanks to all of my collaborations, I was more popular than I was ever before. Which meant it was time to make one of my best ideas for a single that I had in mind for quite a while now. 13. On this winter night I¡¯ve ¨C been ¨C here ¨C before You, walking out the door Closed, shut tight, locked from outside I can''t get in, I can''t get you out Your room and my mind, you''re trapped inside Can''t set free, I can''t set you free Alone in that tree Miserable but carefree Can¡¯t let go, I can¡¯t let you go Your heart, your soul, an angel aglow In a glimmering light, as white as snow And now when I hear your name I think back to those days But I know it will never be the same The light died out and it''s too late to rewind So, Tell me what''s on your mind Because I don''t know, know, know, nooo I don''t know All I know An eclipse of your wings from angel to crow Where did it go, your glowing halo Used to soar, you used to soar High above clouds, wherever the wind blows Now you''re angel no more, angel no more When I hear your name, Fuyuko Oh, Fu ¨C yu ¨C ko Tell me what''s on your mind Because I don''t know, know, know, nooo I don''t know No, I don''t know You walked out the door Died at the core Now you''re angel no more, angel no more No, you''re no longer an angel anymore Dropping her name in the song was something I did on impulse, only during the recording of the song, it was an accident. Doesn¡¯t really sound believable, does it? When I wrote this song, I didn¡¯t really think about its aftermath. The thought of the possible consequences only came to mind when I finished recording. That¡¯s when I asked my producer if I could do a retake without her name, but he insisted on leaving it in. This obviously created a lot of media attention waving over us. The producer had probably planned this outcome and saw the positives of the controversy I created. Negative media attention is still media attention after all. The next Saturday, after the song got publicly released, I had quite the amount of people halting me to ask about the song. Fuyuko was quite the celebrity in our industry, known for her delicate nature of both her demeanour and her songs. Heart-attack, I¡¯m Free and Your Delicate Touch are all songs of her that regularly get played on the radio. When she wrote her memoir about her tragic past, she gained even more favour with the people. But to me, Fuyuko was just a girl I used to know. She had silver-white hair with a small and cute face. She looked like an angel, was as kind as an angel¡ªshe truly was an angel. But since the day we parted, all divinity seemed to have faded away. I, unrequitedly, held her dear to heart, which only ended up in it breaking. ¡°Kuruno Koji!¡± I turned around, seeing an overly enthusiastic LuNA greeting me. ¡°Your balls of steel got you in proper trouble, huh?¡± She laughed. ¡°Yeah, yeah, I¡¯ve heard enough about it already.¡± ¡°So, how will you save the day? Got some kind of super-excuse at the ready?¡± ¡°Hm?¡± I was a little confused. ¡°Can¡¯t I just wait this one out? If we stay silent on our part, it will probably die as a news topic, won¡¯t it?¡± She started laughing, like she usually did. ¡°You¡¯ve got no idea, kid. If you stay silent, people will start making things up, those made-up rumours will spread as the ¡®truth¡¯.¡± I hadn¡¯t really looked at it in that way, but it made a lot of sense. ¡°So, I have to act quickly,¡± I implied. ¡°Why don¡¯t you start by telling me what all of this is about? Is it even about the Hori Fuyuko?¡± ¡°¡­Yeah it is,¡± I admitted. ¡°Are you some kind of secret admirer or something? A stalker perhaps?¡± ¡°Please, leave me alone,¡± I said with a heavy sigh. ¡°Alright, alright. Good luck with this one, troublemaker.¡± To my own surprise, she gave in and continued¡­ doing whatever she was about to do before stopping me. That same day, around noon, I was quickly met with another problem. ¡°Hey, Koij. Have you heard anything about Katou?¡± our producer asked as he entered his office where I was waiting. ¡°No¡­ Is something wrong?¡± ¡°She isn¡¯t here yet, and I can¡¯t reach her phone.¡± I stood up from his chair, took my phone out of my pocket and rang her number. One beep, two beeps, I lost count of beeps and no reply. ¡°We¡¯re probably getting worked up over nothing,¡± he said. ¡°It¡¯s winter already, she might¡¯ve caught a cold.¡± He sat down on his chair, opened up a newspaper and tapped his fingers on the desk. ¡°Look,¡± he pointed at me in the newspaper. With a bright smile he jested, ¡°We should aim for the front page next time.¡± I chuckled at his joke, but got serious again soon after. ¡°Should we prepare some sort of excuse?¡± I asked, keeping what LuNA had said earlier in mind. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. For now, we¡¯ll see how things go. If they escalate, we¡¯ll come up with something.¡± We set that issue aside for now, and continued working on my next song. Though that didn¡¯t really go as smoothly as we had hoped. After three hours, we still had nothing. ¡°Days like these are bummers,¡± he sighed. ¡°Want to call it quits for today?¡± ¡°Yeah, I think that¡¯s for the better.¡± In truth, I had a hunch as to why things weren¡¯t going that well. Katou still hadn¡¯t called me back, my worries were getting a bit to my head, and surely they went to his¡¯s too. I said my goodbyes and left his office. Running into LuNA once again. As usual, it seemed as if she was doing absolutely nothing, roaming the hallways aimlessly. ¡°Well, well, well¡­ look who it isn¡¯t,¡± she taunted. I gave her a disinterested look, not letting her walk over me. ¡°Hm? What¡¯s wrong, no snappy comeback this time?¡± I shook my head, ¡°Not today, no.¡± ¡°Something wrong?¡± she asked, somehow coming across as legitimately concerned. ¡°It¡¯s just that Katou hasn¡¯t showed up today, and we can¡¯t reach her either.¡± ¡°Of course not,¡± she instantly replied. ¡°You just made a song about your angel and whatnot.¡± ¡°Huh¡­? She wouldn¡¯t let something like that get in the way of her own work.¡± She wore a mischievous smile on her face, mocking me¡ªagain. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯ll be going home now. See you around.¡± I called mom up. Even though I didn¡¯t want LuNA¡¯s words to get to me, I still had a bit of doubt. On the phone, I asked her if it was alright if I took the train to Shizuoka. Checking in on Katou and while I¡¯m there, I might as well visit Hibino again. She told me that she¡¯d let Hibino know. With the green light given, I went back to Shizuoka again. Once on the train, I realised I didn¡¯t know her address, though that wasn¡¯t a problem, since our producer did. I had her address, but not the directions, so I simply asked around until I got to her house. It was at the end of a very long street. I pressed the doorbell, waited a bit, but got no response. I tried again. This time the door got opened¡­ by a ghost. ¡°¡­Koji?¡± she sniffed. Her voice sounded soft and low. She was standing in the door opening, covered in a white blanket. Her face looked equally pale. ¡°Are you alright?¡± She sniffed again, ¡°Yeah, just a little cold.¡± She turned around and blew her nose. ¡°Sorry, it might be more than just a ¡®little¡¯.¡± A sudden smile appeared on her face, ¡°I¡¯m glad you came all the way here to check up on me.¡± Her hoarse voice was worrying me. ¡°Is your throat alright?¡± She nodded, ¡°It¡¯s alright, just a little sore is all.¡± ¡°Have you been drinking enough water?¡± ¡°Yes, mom,¡± she said with a playful smile. ¡°Although we did run out of water bottles. So I¡¯ve been going¡ª¡± she coughed twice, then continued, ¡°¡ªback and forth between the sink and my bed with a glass.¡± ¡°Hang on, I¡¯ll go get you a bottle.¡± At a rapid pace, I walked to the beginning of the street. I went into the grocery store, only when I had a bottle of water in my hand, I remembered that I didn¡¯t have any money on me. I¡¯ve been running around like a headless chicken all day now¡­ ¡°¡­Excuse me.¡± At the touch on my shoulder I immediately turned my head around. ¡°Are you Kuruno Koji?¡± the lady asked. I was surprised to get recognised like this, especially by someone quite a bit older than me. ¡°It really is you! Can I get a signature, please?¡± I nodded, but then quickly shook my head. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but I came to this store to buy water for my sick friend.¡± ¡°Oh, my¡­ you¡¯re in a hurry, huh. Sorry to bother,¡± she said with her head bowed down in apology. ¡°No worries¡­ but may I selfishly ask for a favour?¡± She had quite the puzzled expression on her face. ¡°I quickly made my way here, but forgot to bring money with me.¡± The reassuring smile on her face made me feel relieved, even before she said, ¡°Sweetie, let¡¯s go get your friend that bottle of water alright?¡± She hung her basket on her forearm while she was reaching for the money. ¡°Here you go,¡± she said as she dropped the coins in the palm of my hand. ¡°Thank you very much! May I ask your name?¡± She pushed me on the back, ¡°Off to the register, you. I¡¯m Fujii Sakura.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll remember it, thank you very much!¡± I repeated. I quickly bought the bottle and ran my way back to her house. I was glad to see from afar that she closed the door and didn¡¯t wait out in the cold on me. Instead of using the doorbell, I softly knocked on the door, which she instantly opened. ¡°Welcome home.¡± I walked in, ¡°I got you some water.¡± Her house was tidy. Quite the opposite of her chaotic side, though I don¡¯t think she¡¯s the reason it¡¯s so clean. ¡°Are your parents out?¡± I asked her, not keeping that in mind at all when I entered her house. ¡°They¡¯re both at work right now.¡± She was slowly strolling behind me with teeny tiny steps. ¡°You should get some rest.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± She had been talking too much, now her voice was even lower than before. She looked as if she could fall over any moment, so I lent the blanket ghost my shoulder and helped her getting on the stairs. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°That¡¯s my room,¡± she pointed at one of the doors upstairs. I opened it and helped her in. Her room was much more Katou-like compared to the living room. Sheet music on the floor, her schoolwork piled up on her desk and her laundry basket piling over. ¡°We made it,¡± I said. ¡°We did,¡± she giggled. She got into bed, under her sheets. I placed the water bottle on her nightstand next to the empty glass. ¡°Koji, can you do one more thing for me?¡± ¡°Sure, what is it?¡± She handed me the glass and said, ¡°Can you please bring the glass back to the kitchen. I¡¯m not supposed to be having it in my room¡­¡± ¡°Will do. I¡¯ll be seeing myself out then. Get better soon.¡± With that said, I turned around to make my way out, my exit interrupted by the familiar sound of Katou¡¯s stomach growling. I turned towards her again. ¡°Have you eaten anything nutritious today?¡± ¡°¡­Not really.¡± ¡°Go get some rest, I¡¯ll think of something. Is it alright if I use whatever I find in the kitchen?¡± ¡°¡­You don¡¯t have to, you know.¡± ¡°Close your eyes, I¡¯ll be right back.¡± I don¡¯t know how to cook¡­ at all¡­ I¡¯ve only ever helped Hibino out, so I¡¯ve seen how to cook. But other than helping a chef at work, I¡¯ve never actually done anything on my own. Still, I made my way downstairs. Found the kitchen, washed her glass, searched in which cabinet its companions are put away. Once that was done, it was time to cook. I prepared some rice in the rice cooker, prayed her parents wouldn¡¯t come home, started cutting the chicken, prayed some more. Next, I cut the vegetables and sliced garlic in pieces. These steps were my bread and butter. This was my stuff, the kind of cooking where no cooking skills are required. But now it was time for the real work, the moment fire gets involved. I did one final prayer that no one would return home, because not only did I look like a burglar, I also felt like one intruding in a mother¡¯s holy palace; the kitchen. Luckily, for the next twenty minutes or so, no one came home and I managed to serve an edible plate of curry rice. Then, after putting in all that effort to make it, I realised that it wouldn¡¯t go well with her sore throat. I wasted about half an hour of time, and got literally nothing done. Who would eat a hot and slightly spicy meal when their throat is sore. I¡¯m an idiot. I settled on making something nice on the throat and easy to swallow, miso soup. Again, starting with a prayer that no one would be coming home. I wrapped the curry rice up and placed it in the fridge, along with an apology note. I washed everything I used, and went upstairs with the soup. When I opened the door, I saw her peacefully sleeping. I didn¡¯t have it in me to wake someone up who¡¯s sleeping so peacefully. I placed the bowl of soup next to her bottle of water. With all of that done, I left the house. * * * Since I went to Shizuoka again, and missed the chance to do so last time, I went back to the orphanage to visit Hibino. Surely she was missing me. It was quite the walk from where Katou lives, but I didn¡¯t feel like taking the bus. I wanted to walk through these streets again. Absorbing the winter scenery that sucks all the nostalgic feelings out of my body. I love it here. I knew that if my music career would come to an end, that I¡¯d spend the rest of my days living and working here. Perhaps it¡¯s common for people who lived their dreams in Big Tokyo to return to where they came from after. Not that I was planning on putting an end to the dream I was living in anytime soon. Not again. Late in the evening, I finally arrived and rang the doorbell. Unlike earlier, it didn¡¯t take long before the door opened. However, it wasn¡¯t opened by Hibino, not by Tanaka visiting, nor a new caretaker I had yet to meet. Not by one of the orphans, either. ¡°I¡¯ve been waiting for you.¡± It was Fuyuko. Right there, in front of me. For the first time in ages. She didn¡¯t look angry, or upset, but not happy or delighted to see me again either. Expressionless, a version of Fuyuko I had yet to meet. I, on the other hand, was very visibly shocked. Before I could say anything, she closed the door behind her and walked past me. ¡°Follow me.¡± Is all that she said until we arrived at the park. A place we often went to. Although that, just like everything else with her, is far in the past now. When we arrived at the tree that doesn¡¯t look as gigantic as it did when we were kids, she said the first thing since we left. ¡°I hate you, Koji.¡± She looked me in the eyes, in her sharp gaze I could tell she meant every bit of what she just said. I was still in shock from seeing her, let alone hearing this, I didn¡¯t know what to say, so I stayed quiet. ¡°We made a promise, didn¡¯t we?¡± Of course I remembered our promise. Nomura, Fuyuko and me. Together we promised to become world¡¯s best musicians, like the na?ve children we were. But I was well on my way, and so was she. ¡°I do. We promised to make it to the biggest stage, together with Nomura.¡± She averted her eyes and bit on her lip, ¡°Not that one, silly.¡± I was confused, I had no recollection of any promises I made other than that one. She took a step forward and placed her hand on the tree, gently gliding down, letting go and turning back to me. ¡°A Sunday evening. I was crying, you held me in your arms¡ªa warm and comforting embrace. I said, ¡®I don¡¯t want to leave, I don¡¯t want to go back,¡¯ with tears uncontrollably rolling down my eyes. How could I forget? ¡°You grabbed me tighter and said, ¡®I¡¯ll figure something out, no matter what. I¡¯ll make sure you¡¯ll be brought back here. I will talk to Tanaka and Hibino. I¡¯ll make sure you¡¯re safe.¡¯¡± Somehow, along the way, I forgot the promise we made that day. How did I forget? All this time I had been blaming her when all of this was on me. Angel no more I said, but it was Koji no more. I¡¯m the one who forgot, I¡¯m the one who changed. ¡°I cried, and cried and cried, you held it together and made me believe you would come to the rescue. When I got beaten by my mother, I endured it. Believing you would save me someday. Somehow, someway. The Koji I knew always found a way. Three years later, when I was thirteen, and mother got yet another partner, she kicked me out of the house, because he didn¡¯t like me. With nowhere to go, I was alone in the cold rain, sleeping on the street with nothing to drink or eat for two entire days. Until her relationship went down the drain like it always does and she went out to find me and bring me back home.¡± I remember reading this part in her memoir. ¡°When I got home, still lingering hope that one day all my suffering would come to an end by your hands, Koji, I saw yet another thing that broke me down.¡± Her eyes had been watery for a while now, but now she was crying. ¡°I saw you on television. Playing the guitar as beautifully as I had imagined you would. You seemed happy. You have a last name now. You must be happy. You made a couple of songs. You must¡¯ve been happy. All the while I was suffering, badly. And my last strand of hope, you, wouldn¡¯t ever come to my rescue.¡± She stopped for a moment to catch her breath and wipe her tears away. While I was still helplessly staring and listening to her words, each and every one of them punching my heart until it goes numb. ¡°We¡¯re still just children,¡± she continued, ¡°so, I didn¡¯t expect you to solve all my problems in a heartbeat. All I wanted was your comfort. Your voice, your embrace, just you, Koji. Your comfort that I took for granted.¡± More tears were wept away, while I was still speechless. ¡°Oh, how hard it was to accept that I had been taking you for granted. But I was done crying, I had no tears left to spill. I started doing what I really love to do, singing. I sang to my heart¡¯s content. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve heard some of my songs. I resumed my piano practice as well. Then, I turned my journal into a memoir. Deciding to leave you out of it, the same way you left me out of your life.¡± She took another deep breath. ¡°That would be the end of us. We had parted ways a long time ago. That would¡¯ve been the end. But you made a song, clearly about me, even before you said my name, I already knew. ¡®Angel no more¡¯.¡± She started crying again. This time, I couldn¡¯t bear to look. ¡°Is that how you see it, Koji? You¡¯re the one who made me an angel¡­ and you¡¯re also the one who broke my wings. All the while not even spending a second thinking about me.¡± Snowflakes gently started falling down. This is where I had to interrupt. ¡°You¡¯re right. You¡¯re right Fuyuko. I¡¯ve been unfairly blaming you for losing you. But you¡¯re also wrong. You¡¯re so wrong, Fuyuko. From the day we parted to today, there hasn¡¯t been a single day where you didn¡¯t pop up in my mind.¡± I had to slow down, too. I took a deep breath and continued. ¡°You¡¯re right. I should¡¯ve done more for you. I shouldn¡¯t have broken the promise we made. But how many burdens do you think a single little Koji can carry on his shoulders before that little Koji breaks. I¡¯ve had it hard, too. Perhaps not as hard as you. Well, surely not as hard as you. But don¡¯t write my burdens off simply because yours have been worse.¡± She opened her mouth, but this time she didn¡¯t say anything. I did. ¡°I¡¯m not the one who made you an angel. Look at you now. You don¡¯t need me to fly.¡± She didn¡¯t say anything to that either. All of her punches had landed. She turned around again, not to the tree this time, but to the way back. She left and I was left with a numb heart. While she walked away, I raised my gaze to the tree. For a moment, the world stopped. I didn¡¯t feel the blistering cold brushing over my face. The niveous breeze didn¡¯t bother blowing the smooth strands of my hair around anymore. The snow that started falling not even a minute ago, stopped in the air. The only living scene were two little children with the world at their feet sitting down on the thickest branch of that tree. There were no angel wings, no glimmering light. On this winter night, I realised; I let go. Not the other way around. On this winter night, Change settles in like the snow, I let Fuyuko go. 14. Luminous STANDING STILL for as long as the second hand circling the dial. Ticking a minute away. Though that minute equalled aeons as I lived through all the memories leading me to this place. The snow didn¡¯t let up. Neither did the niveous breeze. Winter was never my favourite season. The cold weather froze my body and its motion. Even after realising I had been standing still, I still couldn¡¯t bring myself to move. The snowfall slowly piled up. The night sky grew darker. The tree looked as bare and lifeless as I¡¯d assume my face to be. I lacked the courage to take action. I lacked the courage to apologise. I raised my head towards the night sky again. It¡¯s getting late. Next to the bare tree stands recreant me under the dark sky, only brightened by the luminous snow. How would I ever face Fuyuko? After she had been gone for a good while, I made my way out of the park as well. Returning to the orphanage. Standing in front of the door, I thought it might be too late to ring the doorbell. I wouldn¡¯t want to wake anyone up. I took a few steps sideways and gently knocked on the window, hard enough to be heard, but soft enough to not damage anything. When the door opened this time, it was Hibino who opened it. ¡°Long time no see, Koji,¡± she said, without making eye contact. ¡°Yeah,¡± I said, my voice resounding defeat. I had been set-up. ¡°It¡¯s been a while.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± she mumbled. I walked inside, took my shoes off and went to the living room. Sighing as I sat down in the sofa where I usually sat back in the day. Hibino sat down next to me, same spot as well. ¡°¡­Why?¡± I asked her. ¡°After your song came out about a week ago, Fuyuko visited and asked me if I could ask you to come over, not letting you know that she would be here as well. I didn¡¯t want all of this to seem like a set-up, so I didn¡¯t. But when your mother called me today, letting me know you would be visiting¡­ I told Fuyuko about it. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright,¡± I sighed. Even if she hadn¡¯t set this up, it would¡¯ve eventually come down to this. I decided to deal with my conflicting emotions later. I came here to see Hibino again, not to be as gloomy as tonight¡¯s starless sky. ¡°Anyway, how have you been?¡± She smiled a smile lacking any form of happiness. ¡°Still looking for a new caretaker after all these years without Tanaka. But, hey, on a positive note, I got to see both you and Fuyuko again.¡± My attempt at lightening the mood backfired as I accidentally made her bring that up. I wish I could find a way to help her with that. ¡°Koji, don¡¯t look so down. Everything¡¯ll be alright over here. So, how have you been?¡± I told her about how things have been. Slowly, but surely, the mood got more relaxed, the way it had been in the past. We ended up losing track of time and the last train back to Tokyo had already left. ¡°I completely forgot about the train back,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s okay. Just make sure to call your parents and tell them you¡¯re coming back tomorrow morning.¡± ¡°Alright.¡± I had called mom earlier when I left Katou¡¯s house, to tell her I¡¯d probably be late. I stood up and called her again. For some reason, whenever I¡¯m calling someone, I start pacing around the room. ¡°Hey mom. I missed the last train home. Is it okay if I come back tomorrow morning?¡± ¡°¡­Last train?¡± She asked. ¡°I thought dad would already be there¡­ no wonder he hasn¡¯t called yet.¡± ¡°Huh¡­? Oh, is dad coming to pick me up?¡± ¡°Yup, he should be there soon.¡± ¡°Oh, alright. I guess I was worrying about the last train for nothing then haha.¡± I heard her yawn over the phone. ¡°You can go to bed if you¡¯re tired, you know? I¡¯ll make sure we enter the house quietly.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Koji. I¡¯ll stay up. See you in a bit.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t force yourself, okay? See you.¡± I ended the call and sat down in the sofa again. ¡°Apparently dad is on his way to pick me up. He could be here any moment.¡± Five minutes went by. Five more. Then twenty. I got up from the sofa and looked through the window behind the curtains. The snow got heavier and I got more worried. Nearly half an hour had gone by since I called mom, but dad was still not here. I tried calling dad, but after all the beeps, he didn¡¯t pick up the phone. I sighed, which signalled my worry to Hibino. ¡°Let¡¯s try calling your mom again, alright?¡± I opened my phone again, called my mom, but as I had thought, she probably fell asleep, since she didn¡¯t pick up the phone either. The words I only ever heard mom say reverberated in my mind in her voice, ¡°Don¡¯t give your sorrow a head start¡­ leave that for the hope.¡± I wanted to put all my trust in her words, but I couldn''t feel any hope left in me. I knew I wouldn¡¯t be going home. All I could hope for was that nothing bad happened to dad, but since he¡¯s been on his way here for so long, especially in this kind of weather, I couldn¡¯t help but assume the worst. * * * At sometime during that night, both Hibino and I had fallen asleep. When slowly opening my eyes, I could see the morning sun shine through the gaps between the curtains. The thing that woke me up was the sound of the doorbell. Though it took me a moment to let everything that happened last night kick in. I got up from the sofa, the tears were already rolling down my eyes. I opened the door and saw mom standing there, teary eyes as well. I didn¡¯t say a word. She didn¡¯t say anything either. I put on my shoes and followed her outside, not in the direction of the station. Surely, we were headed to the hospital. After the quiet walk, where every step broke me more than the one before, we had arrived at the place I knew we were headed. The automatic doors opened. We sat down in the reception area. That¡¯s when mom first said something. ¡°We can¡¯t see him yet. He¡¯s in the intensive care right now.¡± Her voice was shaky and sounded as if she could break down in tears again at any moment. I glanced at the directory signs and saw that the Intensive Care was on the ground floor. I quickly jumped up and took off. ¡°Koji!¡± Mom yelled my name, but I didn¡¯t stop running. I wanted to make sure with my own eyes that dad was alright. I ran through the hallways, following the signs. At a sudden left turn, I stumbled and fell, sliding my knees over the ground. It would¡¯ve, and should¡¯ve hurt normally, but now, the only pain I feel is this lump in my throat. I kept running. Ignoring every doctor and nurse trying to stop me. Until I got trapped by three people. ¡°I¡¯m sorry kid, but we can¡¯t let you go through.¡± ¡°Wh¡ªwhere,¡± it was hard getting my words out. I tried again, much louder this time, ¡°Where is Mister Kuruno?!¡± A doctor came out of the door nearby and ran over to us. ¡°What¡¯s happening over here?¡± ¡°Where is Mister Kuruno?!¡± I loudly repeated. The doctor¡¯s face got very uneasy, ¡°You must be his little brother. I¡¯m sorry, but¡ª¡± I didn¡¯t bother letting him finish. Now that I knew where dad was, I pushed my way through the doctors and nurses trying to stop me. ¡°Not again!¡± One of them screamed. I grabbed the doorhandle and swung open the door of the room. Once inside, the room was quiet. Nothing but the sound of the machines beeping. I walked closer to his bed. His face was pale, his arms and fingers were all attached to machines. So was his mouth. The rest of his body was entirely covered. He looked as lifeless as a bare winter tree. I slowly reached for his hand. I held it tightly in mine. It was cold. Then he opened his eyes. They had a twinkle in them, the only part of him that looked alive was that luminous twinkle like snowfall in a starless night sky. The breathing machine wasn¡¯t there anymore and he said, softly but clear, ¡°Everything will be alright. No need to cry, kiddo.¡± I tightened my grasp on his hands. When suddenly I got pulled by my shoulder, I saw the machine reappear on his mouth and his eyes were shut. Everything that sprinkled hope in the air, got destroyed by the harsh ways of reality. I couldn¡¯t recall a single thing that happened until I was back home in my bed. Laying down, staring at the ceiling. The curtains where still opened, it was night again. But I couldn¡¯t sleep. I cried again. No matter how much I did, it didn¡¯t take my mind off the bad thoughts I had. After the accident, dad was placed into an induced coma¡­ with little chance of survival. In an attempt to feel a little better, even for a fleeting second, I tried playing the guitar. I took my guitar, sat down in front of the window and started playing a song that reflected exactly how I felt. The sad melody that expressed in how many pieces my heart has been broken. I started singing in a slow and soft voice. ¡°¡®No need to cry, kiddo.¡¯ The final words you said If only I could hear you call me that A million times more If only I could''ve cherished that Which now can''t be cherished anymore Was I the son you wanted For the father you wanted to be Will I ever become the clever musician You''ve always . . . seen in me I¡ª Don''t think I can get used to this I will never get used to this When we cross paths again It''ll be my turn for story time I''ll tell you all about what happened After your time The good, the bad, the sad All my memories I''ll make sure It''ll be the best story you will ever hear I¡ª Don''t think I''ll get used to this One day I''ll have to get used to this In the hospital bed Everything was covered but your head And your arm stuck to machines You looked anything but alive Everything, except the luminous twinkle in your eyes And there¡¯s so much I have left to say Yet there was not a single word I could formalise I guess I will never be Any good at good-byes The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. I¡ª Don''t think I''ll get used to this I don''t want to get used to this But if I ever manage to get used to this It''s only because I miss The good ways that it used to be The good days of you and mom And me¡± When the improvised song came to its end, I felt mom¡¯s sudden embrace from behind. ¡°Koji, what do I always tell you?¡± I turned my head around, looking at her with my teary eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t give your sorrow a head start,¡± she said. ¡°¡ªLeave that for the hope,¡± I continued. * * * Life often moves by like a spider on the wall. When you look at it, you see it slowly moving around at a consistent pace, but the moment you look away for a second, it¡¯s gone. That¡¯s how it is with time as well. Though these days, the time ticks by so slowly and I fear every next second. It¡¯s been a week since dad was hospitalised. The chances of his survival have significantly increased, but never had the doctors said that they were high. If I improve my grades from one out of a hundred to three out of a hundred, then that¡¯s a 200% increase, which is significantly high percentage wise, but not high at all when you look at the bigger picture. I was still worried to death, and couldn¡¯t fully put my mind to anything I did. At school, I was absently present. Not paying attention to classes, nor my friends. Yesterday, I didn¡¯t work on a new song. I didn¡¯t even leave the house. And today, too. It was late in the afternoon and I was doing nothing again. Realising this, I stood up and turned on the radio. Not that that¡¯s productive at all, but at least that counts as doing ¡°something¡±. My timing couldn¡¯t be better, since I heard the radio DJ say, ¡°Hope you¡¯re having a lovely afternoon. The following song is Katou Emiko¡¯s new original, called ¡®Neon Nights¡¯. We¡¯ll be listening to it for the first time here. Let¡¯s have a listen, shall we?¡± The song was overall a pretty good one. Though it lacked everything that made Katou¡¯s songs ¡°Katou songs¡±. The lack of her unique touch made me fear that it wouldn¡¯t do that well with her fans. * * * A week later, my hunch was proven right. This song was Katou¡¯s first to be considered a ¡°flop¡±. But more importantly, dad was finally breathing on his own again. Normally, we¡¯d be able to talk with him again tomorrow. Things truly were as mom had always said. It¡¯s futile to be sorrowful beforehand. All you can do in situations like these, is hope. Today¡¯s a Saturday where I will be showing up to the studio. I still have that Fuyuko problem to deal with and surely the producer is already thinking about my next steps. Still, I was surprisingly in a good mood for the first time in a long while. When I arrived, I decided to tell him straightaway what was going on and how I wanted my next song to be about my dad. ¡°I see. I¡¯m sorry to hear that¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s alright. The situation took a turn for the better and he¡¯s now breathing on his own again. So he¡¯ll hopefully be fully recovering soon.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a lot better to hear. I think your idea is a pretty good one. It¡¯s a shame that I won¡¯t be the one you¡¯ll be working with.¡± ¡°¡­Huh?¡± He stood up from the folding chair, put it back against the wall and said, ¡°I¡¯ll be¡ªmost likely¡ªlosing my job today.¡± I still couldn¡¯t formulate anything other than the sound, ¡°Wha?¡± ¡°Have you ever heard of the Swagger Squad?¡± If I remember it correctly, they¡¯re a rap group that Hiroto sometimes listens to. ¡°They¡¯re a rap group aren¡¯t they?¡± ¡°Correct. They¡¯re after our Hiroto Morita. They want him in their group,¡± he sighed. ¡°On top of that, Katou¡¯s last song didn¡¯t do well at all. Kashimoto hasn¡¯t been too active outside your group. You¡¯re doing too well for someone like me to handle¡­ and we¡¯re probably losing LuNA, too. She¡¯s way too good for us to begin with¡­¡± he sighed again. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to spout this all out at you, especially after hearing what you¡¯ve been going through¡­ but I also don¡¯t want to leave you in the dust.¡± I nodded. ¡°I get it¡­ but isn¡¯t there anything we can do to fix this situation?¡± ¡°If we can fix all of those problems by the end of the day¡­¡± he suddenly stopped speaking. ¡°You know what, Koji? You¡¯ve done more than enough for me. It¡¯s been such a joy making music together. And the higher-ups are right. You¡¯re too good for me. It was fun while it lasted, but alas, it has to come to an end.¡± ¡°Do you really believe that?¡± I asked him. ¡°¡­Koji¡ª¡± ¡°I won¡¯t let it end here,¡± I stood up and left the room. Fixing the first problem was simple. I took my phone out of my pocket and called Hiroto. After a single beep, he picked it up, ¡°Kuru¡­ no, Koji! What¡¯s got you calling me out of the blue? Is there any way I can be helpful to you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m calling you because I heard about Swagger Squad¡­ is it true that they want you as part of their group?¡± ¡°Yeah, don¡¯t you think that¡¯s crazy, too? But no worries, I¡¯ll always stay loyal to you. We¡¯re the Disposables after all, even though compared to the Swagger Squad, we¡¯re rather small. I¡¯m still full in on this journey to hit it big with y¡¯all!¡± I sighed out of relief, ¡°I¡¯m glad to hear that. Want me to make that clear to the higher-ups as well? They think you¡¯re a goner already.¡± ¡°Huh, they do? Crazy, can¡¯t believe it. I would never betray my friends for some Swagger Squad Shi¡ª¡± I hung up the call before he could say that last word. I already had a hunch that it was all just a bunch of rumours and that nothing was set in stone. That was one problem tackled. Next up, I was going to talk with LuNA. Maybe her leaving was all rumour, no fact as well. I went to her room, but she wasn¡¯t there. Well, when you¡¯re as big as her, I guess you can come whenever you desire to. Somewhere in the hallways, I sat down on a couch, thinking of how I could tackle all my remaining problems at once. That¡¯s when the craziest of ideas hit me. Kashimoto hasn¡¯t been in the picture enough, Morita needs to clear the rumours about his leave, and so does LuNA if they happen to be just rumours as well. And for Katou¡­ I¡¯ll have to make sure she¡¯ll return to her best self, too. As crazy as my idea is, if I could bring all of us together on a single song, maybe then I could save the producer¡¯s job. I decided to go downstairs to the receptionists. I asked one of them there if they happened to know whether LuNA was present today. As I¡¯d thought before, she wasn¡¯t, but they did give me her number. Which I immediately tried calling. After the first couple of beeps I thought she wouldn¡¯t pick up, but at the last one, ¡°LuNA speaking. Who is this?¡± ¡°Waiting for the last beep to pick the phone up. You¡¯re not busy I assume?¡± ¡°I¡¯m hanging up.¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t!¡± ¡°What do you want?¡± Without stating my name, she seemed to have a clear picture of who she was talking to. ¡°Are you leaving us?¡± I asked, not realising how dramatic that sounded. ¡°Wasn¡¯t sure, but you¡¯ve convinced me to leave.¡± ¡°So that means you¡¯re not leaving yet, right? I have a proposal. We¡¯re in a bit of a pinch right now, and I was wondering if you wanted to make a song with me again. This time with Morita Hiroto, Kashimoto Hideo and Emiko Katou¡­ how does that sound?¡± ¡°Utterly ridiculous,¡± she said, with no hesitation. ¡°Wait, I haven¡¯t told you everything just yet.¡± I actually did, but I had to come up with something to reel her in. ¡°We¡¯ll be performing that song during my first ever concert.¡± There was a little pause. Perhaps she was considering it after hearing that. ¡°How big will your concert be?¡± I was thinking about realistic options, but I also had to keep in mind that if she considered it too low for her standards, she¡¯d definitely hang up the phone. ¡°Very big,¡± I said to stall and think a bit more. ¡°Very funny, where will it be?¡± ¡°Uh¡­ Tokyo Dome.¡± Tokyo Dome, the largest concert stadium in Tokyo. I regretted saying it the moment I did. ¡°I¡¯m in. Let me in on the details later.¡± She hung up the phone. I either get a concert in the Tokyo Dome¡­ or I have to tell LuNA I was lying¡­ I decided to try my luck, and went back to my producer¡¯s office. ¡°I called with Hiroto and LuNA. Both of them are staying¡­ though I¡¯ll need a little favour from you if we want to keep LuNA.¡± ¡°Hm? What is it?¡± ¡°A concert¡ª¡± ¡°That much we could do,¡± he said. ¡°¡ªAt the Tokyo Dome.¡± We both stared at one another, silently so. It was so quiet that I was imagining the sound of our blinking. ¡°¡­Koji,¡± he said as he dropped his head. ¡°You¡¯re asking too much of me. The higher-ups would never agree.¡± ¡°We don¡¯t know until we ask, right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m afraid they wouldn¡¯t even consider it.¡± ¡°Then¡­¡± I thought for a second. ¡°What about this approach: we finish my new song by the end of the day, we¡¯ll let them hear it. You¡¯ll get to keep your job for a while longer and then we use that as an opportunity so you can prove yourself to them.¡± He was hesitant to say anything, so I continued, ¡°And if the song is a success, it¡¯ll increase our chances for a concert, doesn¡¯t it?¡± He sighed, then smiled. ¡°You¡¯re really something, Koji. Alright, let¡¯s give it a shot.¡± We pumped the next few hours of the day into making the song. I already had the guitar part and the lyrics ready, so all in all, it wasn¡¯t too hard to bring it to the finish line. I ended up calling it ¡°Luminous¡±. When that was done, we let our big boss listen to it, asking for a final chance for my producer. ¡°I have to say, you¡¯ve pleasantly surprised me. The song is sublime, really emotional.¡± He looked at my producer. ¡°If you can keep this level, and even level up, then maybe you are the right man for the job.¡± ¡°Thank you very much, sir,¡± he bowed. ¡°I will not disappoint you again.¡± Here¡¯s where I cued in my proposal, ¡°Sir, if this song does well... would you allow me to have my first ever concert?¡± He firmly nodded his head, ¡°Sure.¡± ¡°In the Tokyo Dome?¡± ¡°That¡¯s a joke, right?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not, sir,¡± I said. ¡°I want to make a big song with lots of young talent and show it on the biggest stage.¡± He tapped his fingers on his desk and caressed his beard beneath the bottom of his chin. ¡°Three weeks,¡± he said. ¡°Three weeks at the number one spot in the Oricon Charts. Then we¡¯ll speak again.¡± He gestured his hand to the door, telling us to leave. Three weeks at the number one spot¡­ In the hallways I asked, ¡°Has LuNA ever reached the top spot?¡± He looked at the ceiling. ¡°Hmm, I believe that Umbrageous Embrace was at number one for two weeks. I don¡¯t think any other song has been number one, but certainly not longer than two weeks.¡± If I want my plan to go through¡­ I¡¯ll need to outperform LuNA¡¯s best song¡­ ¡°Do you think Luminous can beat it?¡± He lowered his gaze from the ceiling to my face and said, ¡°Yes. I¡¯m sure of it.¡± 15. By Lady Lucks grace A SINGLE TEARDROP in his eye, but like him, it didn¡¯t fall. He was never one to reveal much of his inner emotions. The way I once used to be. I let him hear my new song just now. He closed his eyes and smiled. Dad has never been one to say much, now he had a good reason to, but his smile always reveals the words he tries to conceal. ¡°Oh right, I nearly forgot to say,¡± I suddenly remembered the deal I had made with my boss, ¡°if this song is first in the Oricon charts for three consecutive weeks, I¡¯ll get a concert at the Tokyo Dome!¡± Other than his smile, there¡¯s one more thing that reveals the thoughts he keeps hidden; his eyes, filled with surprise. ¡°Though I doubt it will actually reach the top spot to begin with,¡± I added. He closed his eyes and shook his head. ¡°¡­Have,¡± he started, followed by a little pause, ¡°¡­some faith.¡± This time, my eyes were the ones putting my inner thoughts on display. Being pessimistic about this won¡¯t get me anywhere. I quickly shook off the thought of my last sentence. ¡°Have some faith¡± ¡­ I will, dad! * * * The following Monday, I was contemplating on whether it would be best to start brainstorming about the big song we could possibly be playing, or to wait for my song¡¯s results on the music chart. I¡¯ve never gotten to first place after all, it would be a little embarrassing to prepare everything, only to scrap the entire song after. I decided to at least address the current situation regarding the potential live performance to my friends on our way to school. ¡°Tokyo dome? Are you out of your mind? Every artist that sets foot in there is one of a kind. You¡¯re thinking we could live up to the hype? Well if you¡¯re so sure, then maybe the time is ripe,¡± Morita said. Kashimoto was rubbing his hands together, ¡°We¡¯re not ready at all.¡± He kept rubbing them in a villainous manner. ¡°But this opportunity is very interesting.¡± ¡°It is, right?¡± I nodded. ¡°Though that was only the first part.¡± ¡°There¡¯s more?¡± Kashimoto asked, intensifying his hand rubbing for some reason. ¡°I want to make a song with you two, but also with LuNA and Katou. All five of us on a single song, how does that sound?¡± Morita sighed, ¡°Man, you¡¯ve got some crazy proposals today. But like Kashimoto said, no chance that I¡¯ll shove this opportunity away!¡± Kashimoto nodded in agreement. ¡°How about we start thinking about the song already? Even if we fail to get the big live performance, someday we¡¯ll surely get the chance, you know.¡± ¡°Uh-huh! Let¡¯s plunge in the deep with this idea during lunch, then brainstorm a bunch!¡± When lunch rolled around, we all gathered at our usual table to brainstorm. ¡°So, you got any ideas?¡± I asked. I looked at the two, but got no response from either one of them. ¡°Well, me neither.¡± Our brainstorming turned into a staring contest. None of us had anything useful to say. The song is a very big deal to all of us, so we can¡¯t just lowball it. The hero we needed joined our table at the perfect time to break our deadlock. ¡°Hello~¡± Nomura cheerfully said as she sat down. She slowly started eating while glancing at us. ¡°It¡¯s so quiet here. What¡¯s going on?¡± She asked. ¡°We¡¯re working on a new song,¡± I said. She looked even more puzzled, ¡°Are you telepathically exchanging ideas or what?¡± ¡°The thing is,¡± Kashimoto said, ¡°we¡¯ve got no ideas to exchange.¡± ¡°Ah, so that¡¯s what it is.¡± She crossed her arms and repeatedly nodded. ¡°You¡¯re stuck in a rut and need Nomura to save the day again¡­¡± ¡°Indeed. Nomura, you¡¯re the hero we need,¡± Morita rhymed, as usual. ¡°We¡¯re making a song with Koji, Kashimoto, Katou, LuNA and me. Though that¡¯s what¡¯s making this so hard, you see?¡± ¡°Sorry guys.¡± Nomura crossed her arms in an X shape. ¡°Count me out. I¡¯ve got something really important to worry about.¡± ¡°And what¡¯s that?¡± I asked her. ¡°Hehe~ I¡¯ve got a chance at working at my favourite bakery! If I pass the training that is.¡± ¡°Woah, good luck with that,¡± I said as I bumped her fist. ¡°Thanks!¡± she smiled. I had already forgotten that she wanted to get better at baking and stuff. Good for her that she¡¯s making moves towards that goal. Though the timing is a little inconvenient, she really was a massive help with our first song as a group. ¡°Well, Nomura,¡± I started, ¡°you don¡¯t have to help us all the way, but could you help us get started with some ideas? Just this once.¡± ¡°Sure,¡± she agreed. ¡°Just this once, though.¡± She held her finger against her lip and slightly raised her eyes to the ceiling, not saying much other than her ¡°Hmmm¡± sounds. Until she said, ¡°What about dreams? Like all your dreams coming together or something?¡± ¡°Hmmm¡­ An overabundance of dreams¡­?¡± Kashimoto questioningly added. ¡°Yeah!¡± ¡°¡­Dreams abound. Does that work?¡± I asked. ¡°Perfect!¡± She cheered. For the remainder of lunch, we kept thinking of things to add to the main idea. Unfortunately, we didn¡¯t really get any farther than that. Though at least¡ªthanks to Nomura¡¯s help¡ªwe¡¯ve got something to start with. Laying in bed that night, I kept pondering on the idea. Dreams abound, huh¡­ Then I found myself wondering what Katou and LuNA would think of it. And that on its turn made me realise that I had yet to ask Katou whether she was in on the idea or not. I looked at the time, it was nearly ten o¡¯clock. I opened Katou¡¯s number in my contact list, but I was hesitant to call. Is it too late in the evening to call now? I decided to just go for it. I pressed the call button and after the first beep I heard, ¡°Koji?¡± ¡°Ah¡­ Uh, good evening.¡± I was caught of guard by how fast she picked up. ¡°Good evening. Is something wrong?¡± ¡°No, I called to ask you a question. Sorry for making the call so late.¡± ¡°Oh, no worries, ask away!¡± ¡°You see, my new song is coming out this week. If that song somehow manages to get on top of the Oricon Charts and stay there for three weeks, I¡¯ll get a concert at the Tokyo Dome¡ª¡± ¡°Tokyo Dome?!¡± She abruptly yelled out. ¡°Yup. If I somehow manage to get it, I¡¯d like to make a very big song for it. One with you, Kashimoto, Morita, LuNA and also me of course. So uhm, what do you think?¡± ¡°I¡¯d love it! But being first on the Oricon charts¡­ are you sure you¡¯ll achieve such a feat this early on?¡± ¡°I¡¯m confident that it¡¯s possible.¡± If I¡¯m not optimistic about it, no one will. ¡°Though I¡¯m also realistic about it. It wouldn¡¯t be a let down if I don¡¯t manage to get it. Either way, I¡¯d love to make a song with all of us.¡± ¡°Even if you don¡¯t get the big concert, I¡¯d still love to be a part of the song!¡± ¡°Great, thanks! I¡¯ll stop bothering you now. Good night.¡± ¡°Aw don¡¯t say that, I¡¯m glad you called. I can¡¯t wait to hear your new song! Good night!¡± * * * ¡°Have you seen the charts?¡± The following week on Tuesday, almost right after school, I got a call from my producer. His voice lacked his usual enthusiasm. I knew what it was time for. ¡°I haven¡¯t.¡± My short answer brought me faster to the disappointment I knew I was about to face. ¡°Not on the charts this week,¡± he said. I closed my eyes, let out a sigh and¡ªthough I knew he couldn¡¯t possibly see it¡ªI deeply bowed. ¡°Thank you for everything you¡¯ve done for me.¡± ¡°Koji.¡± His voice sounded as if he was lecturing me. ¡°It¡¯s not over yet. I¡¯ve already called the promotional team. We¡¯re gonna get this thing flying. I¡¯ll call you back when I¡¯ve got more information. Don¡¯t let this get you down, alright?¡± ¡°Alright. See you soon.¡± My song ¡°Luminous¡± has been out for about a week, but hasn¡¯t really gotten the traction we had hoped for. I remember telling Katou that I was realistic about things and that it wouldn¡¯t be a let down if I don¡¯t manage to get first, but I was wrong. It hurts. * * * That same week on Saturday, I ran into LuNA again for the first time in a while. I saw her as soon as I entered the building. On the other end of the entrance hall she loudly said, ¡°Well, well, well. Look who it isn¡¯t.¡± The look on her face paired with the tone of her voice made it very clear that she wasn¡¯t particularly happy to see me. ¡°Good morning,¡± I said to the lady behind the front desk on my left side. I turned my head to the right and shook a regular cleaner¡¯s hand, ¡°Good morning, sir. Keep up the good work.¡± I continued my way towards the elevators where the dreadful foe was awaiting me. Throwing daggers of gazes as I greeted everyone, until it was her turn. ¡°Good morning, LuNA. Always a pleasure.¡± I politely bowed my head and tried walking past her, but she held me by my shirt. ¡°Good morning, Mister Tokyo Dome concert. I believe we¡¯ve got some things to talk about.¡± Even more annoyed than before, she glared deeply into my eyes. ¡°Do¡ªDo we now¡­¡± I ended up getting dragged to her office. ¡°So you¡¯re telling me, that you¡¯ve tricked me into thinking you got an actual concert at the Tokyo Dome?¡± I was a little hesitant to reply, but I also had to keep up my confident fa?ade to show her that I¡¯m still trusting the process. ¡°We will get one. We¡¯ll just have to wait for my new song to be number one on the Oricon charts for three weeks.¡± She was quiet for a second, which is her way of showing that she¡¯s puzzled. ¡°You¡¯ve got a new song?¡± A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°You didn¡¯t know?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± This rapid-fire style conversation quickly made things clear. The abrupt release of such an emotional song with no real backstory or anything to it, kind of makes it fail at doing what it¡¯s supposed to do. It doesn¡¯t reach the people in the way it¡¯s supposed to. ¡°Do you want to hear it?¡± I asked. ¡°¡­Sure, I guess? I¡¯m trying to display my aggravated annoyance, and you see this as music time? But yeah, music break I suppose.¡± I went on her computer and put the song on. From my ears¡¯ perspective, this song is undeniably good. Though I have to admit that it lacks the punch to the gut that it had when I sung it for the first time. The lack of feeling immersed in the deeper meaning of the song is what it¡¯s lacking right now. Whilst thinking that, the person next to me had tears in her eyes. ¡°I''m sorry for being mad earlier, Koji,¡± she sobbed. Even though she seemed to get it, I could imagine not everyone feeling the same way. That¡¯s when I realised what the final touch was. ¡°Thank you very much LuNA, I¡¯m heading out now.¡± Overly kind she said, ¡°It was nice having you here, thank you for stopping by.¡± I already knew that this version of LuNA wouldn¡¯t last another minute. So I cherished it by waving at her and having her wave back at me. A goodbye wave to the kind LuNA, you will be missed. On the same floor I currently am is my producer¡¯s office. I went straight to him to talk about my next big plan. Earlier this week he had called me saying that he was still working with the promotional team to get something going, but it was hard getting anything done for me. But that will soon turn out to be a good thing, since I¡¯ve got my brilliant plan this time around. I opened the door of his office and greeted him, ¡°Good morning!¡± ¡°Koji, you seem in good spirit today.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got a brilliant plan you see¡­¡± * * * ¡°Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for¡­ Kuruno Koji!!¡± I closed my eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly raising my eyelids again. The blinding spotlights making my natural squinting look like a gaze oozing confidence. I walked onto the stage with my guitar in hand. A few hundred people¡¯s hands clapping together distracting my gaze away from the many cameras. I sat down in the chair, leaning my guitar against the armrest. Next to me sat the show¡¯s host, a man who appears to be in his early fifties. If I remember correctly, he used to be an actor. ¡°Hello-hello Kuruno Koji. What a pleasure to have you here with us tonight. Tell me, how are you feeling?¡± Even though this is a live late-night talk show, I was given a vague script to go by. [Funny statement, nothing about feeling until end]. ¡°I¡¯ve actually never been to a maze in my life before, until I tried finding the bathroom in this building.¡± A subtle chuckling swayed through the room. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m doing great¡­ at least now I am.¡± The classic laughter from the audience followed. I felt a drop of sweat going down my forehead, but I was off to a good start. The host also laughed, quickly bringing the next topic after, ¡°Good to hear, good to hear. For the people here, and at home, that don¡¯t know you, could you quickly give them an introduction of yourself?¡± [Introduction with a funny twist] is what I remembered my script saying. ¡°My name is Kuruno Koji. I¡¯m known for having the most beautiful abdominal muscles on the planet. Oh and I also make music sometimes.¡± The audience laughed again. Even for those who don¡¯t know me, the joke should be obvious since I walked on stage with my guitar in hand. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen, this young man right here is funny and humble about it, but did you know that he has actually won a national music contest?¡± The audience started applauding, so did the host while nodding his head. ¡°So Kuruno Koji. Can I call you Koji? We¡¯re friends,¡± he said to the camera, ¡°I¡¯m calling him Koji.¡± That little bit got the audience subtly laughing again. ¡°Anyway, Koji. Why don¡¯t you show us what all the buzz is about.¡± Here¡¯s where I have to get bold. Forget the audience, forget the cameras, remember the one rule on TV; be funny. I stood up and started unbuttoning the top of my shirt. ¡°I don¡¯t normally show this for free you know.¡± I unbuttoned another one. The host dramatically held his head in his hands, ¡°Not the abs... The guitar!¡± I exaggerated my reaction as well. ¡°Oooh, the guitar. Of course,¡± I said as I looked into one of the cameras, buttoning my shirt up again. I took my guitar from the armrest and played a couple of notes to hear if everything was in tune. ¡°So what do you think? Impressive, no?¡± Another round of laughter from the host and the audience. ¡°Let us hear something special.¡± He turned back to one of the cameras. ¡°Oh, for the people who don¡¯t know, he¡¯s also a singer.¡± As the script said, I started playing Celestial Roamer, which is currently my most popular song. It¡¯s of course sung by two people, so every time LuNA¡¯s part came on I looked at the host and had him sing her parts. LuNA has one heck of a voice which makes the host¡¯s in comparison a joke in and of itself. The audience was once again loving it. When my producer called this show¡¯s production team earlier this morning, there was only one reason why I was allowed to be on here on such short notice. ¡°I need to reapply for my high school singing classes,¡± the host chuckled. The sole reason why any of them would even bother having me. ¡°Anyway¡­ Koji, there¡¯s something that everyone¡¯s been up in arms about. Can you guess what it is?¡± This time seated, I started unbuttoning my shirt again. ¡°Koji. No!¡± The audience laughed once again. ¡°I want to talk about¡­ Fuyuko,¡± he mysteriously said. Of course, the sole reason I¡¯m here is because this bit could potentially make a hit piece for the show. It¡¯s not that I¡¯m not gaining anything from this in return though, you could say I¡¯m killing two birds with one stone. There¡¯s not much I could say, so I simply nodded along, waiting for him to ask a question that was not revealed in the script. ¡°In your song ¡®Angel no more¡¯ you very explicitly mention the name Fuyuko. Is that the Fuyuko we¡¯re all familiar with?¡± I nodded my head. ¡°Yes it is.¡± The audience gasped. ¡°We know all the ins and outs about Fuyuko¡¯s difficult childhood, but¡ªcorrect me if I¡¯m¡ªyou weren¡¯t a part of that were you? Because she has never mentioned you before.¡± I knew that this question would be asked, and I knew that I would be having a hard time phrasing my response. I didn¡¯t waste too much time and said what I felt was right to say. ¡°I¡¯ve recently talked to her again for the first time in¡­ nearly six years.¡± Another gasp from the audience, and the host. ¡°And she has very good reasons to never mention me.¡± I went on to briefly and vaguely explain our past as orphans and how I broke a very important promise with her. ¡°Wow¡­¡± The host genuinely seemed to be at a loss for words. ¡°Knowing all of this now, sort of gives your song a new meaning. Like¡­ it¡¯s a cry for the old bond you shared to return.¡± Perhaps that¡¯s what I was truly thinking when I wrote the song. I nodded to his comment. With this, I killed the first bird; clearing up the Fuyuko situation. ¡°We¡¯re running low on time here, so let¡¯s get into the final topic, shall we?¡± The second bird. ¡°Let¡¯s talk about your most recent song,¡± he said in a very serious tone. ¡°I have not heard it yet, but what I did hear is that it¡¯s a very touching song. Who here has heard the song?¡± He asked the audience. About one in ten people present raised their hand. ¡°It is indeed very touching,¡± I said. ¡°I sung it for the first time sitting by the window watching the snow descending its way down to the ground. I had left the hospital a few hours earlier.¡± I had to take a little break. Recalling what I felt back then was really getting to me. ¡°The night before, my father got into a crash¡ª into a car crash and uhm¡­¡± I was brushing my thumb against the ends of my eyebrows, struggling again to put in words what I¡¯m meaning to say. ¡°I knew the chances, I was told too, that the chances of him surviving were really low. I thought¡­ I thought I lost him.¡± The host was letting me speak, listening to me with a very compassionate expression on his face. ¡°That¡¯s why I started playing a very depressing tune on my guitar and sung the words that came,¡± I touched my chest, ¡°right here, from the heart.¡± ¡°That¡¯s beautiful,¡± the host said, right before applauding, getting the audience to do the same. ¡°How is your father doing currently?¡± He asked. ¡°He¡¯s still recovering, but everything will be fine,¡± I said. Both the host and the audience seemed relieved to hear that. Soon after, the host asked, ¡°If you don¡¯t mind, do you think you could play the song for us?¡± I grabbed my guitar again. This was essentially the sole reason I came here. Letting the people know the story behind the song, told in the purest and rawest manner, right from the heart. ¡°The song is called ¡®Luminous¡¯,¡± I said. I played the song, sang it with the most heartfelt emotion and felt the atmosphere completely changing. My sound was moving the people in the room. This was the true power of music on display. After the applause at the end of the song, my bit on the show came to an end. Earlier this morning, I stormed into my producer¡¯s office with a wild idea, getting me on a live show where I could tell my story and play the song as well. I was hoping I could get it done by the end of next week, but Lady Luck was on my side as many shows we reached out to would¡¯ve loved to have me as soon as possible. The Fuyuko situation was slowly dying out, that¡¯s why they wanted to take a bite out of the hot topic before it turned cold. Now I was left with one final task and one final prayer for luck. The task; getting everyone together to make our Dreams Abound song. Many times have I been blessed by Lady Luck¡¯s grace, I¡¯ll be needing one final ounce of luck; getting my song to the number one spot on the Oricon charts for three consecutive weeks. 16. Dreams Abound ON THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY, after school, I got a call from my producer again. ¡°Koji! Have you seen the charts?¡± ¡°Not yet,¡± I swiftly replied, growing ever so impatient to hear this week''s results. ¡°You won¡¯t believe this!¡± He cheerfully yelled out. ¡°Angel no More is number eight on this week''s charts!¡± My first time breaking into the top 10. Part of me was beyond gleeful, I could hardly believe that I even managed to get such a feat so early in my career. Though the other half of me was hoping that this wasn¡¯t the end. That by a miracle Luminous got the top spot. ¡°Hold tight, Koji! That¡¯s not all! Luminous is third!¡± Only seconds after getting my highest place to date, I learned that I''ve got even higher. My first ever song to hit top three. ¡°And here is where it gets crazy, Koji!¡± I tightly clenched my phone in my hand, bracing myself for what he could possibly say next. ¡°Celestial Roamer is first place! I guess your little stunt at the talk show really boosted your reach, huh?¡± ¡°¡­First?¡± Everything I had been hoping for. The very first step towards the bigger goal of getting a concert at the Tokyo Dome. ¡°Yeah! First, Koji!¡± My duet with LuNA, a song with a push and pull dynamic between two voices lost in space. One trying to escape their other half, while the other one feels lonely casted away. I had a hard time saying anything. This is what I had been dreaming of, but now that it¡¯s reality, I¡¯m too stunned to speak. ¡°You¡¯re awfully quiet Koji, must be quite the shocker, right? Anyway, two more weeks of this and we¡¯ve got ourselves your first ever stadium performance!¡± * * * Four of us in a room. All thinking out loud, despite the silence. We came in early this Saturday to work on our new song. Only Katou was yet to arrive. I sat next to Kashimoto at a round table, with a chair in between me and LuNA. Only Morita was not seated at the table, he was seated on top of another round table right behind me. ¡°Really? ¡®Dreams abound¡¯ is all we¡¯ve got now?¡± LuNA asked after a good while of silence. ¡°Yup.¡± Morita said from afar. ¡°We¡¯re all waiting for that flicker of a flare kinda spark in our mind. Though we¡¯re not getting anywhere, nothing¡¯s getting aligned. Even with all our heads combined, it feels like we just rewind and go back to the same place. Drawing blanks, black void, empty space¡ª¡± He kept tapping the side of his forehead with both index fingers. ¡°¡ªNothing. Is. Working up here. All of us cower in fear. That¡¯s what I¡¯m feeling from this atmosphere. Afraid to mess up when everything¡¯s at stake. Overtime of overthinking is making my head ache.¡± LuNA nodded her head. ¡°Yeah, pretty much that. Afraid of messing up when everything¡¯s at stake.¡± Right then, there was a knocking on the door. Katou walked in the room, nervously glancing back and forth between me and LuNA. I remember her saying that she¡¯s a huge fan, she went to her signing event a long while ago as well. I ran into LuNA quite a bit, but perhaps she didn¡¯t, hence why she¡¯s still tense around one of her idols. ¡°Good morning everyone,¡± she quietly said. ¡°Good morning,¡± I gestured towards the empty seat in between LuNA and me, ¡°feel free to sit here.¡± ¡°Ah¡­ thanks¡­¡± The moment she sat down, LuNA picked up the conversation again, ¡°We¡¯re currently stuck with the writing process. There hasn¡¯t been anything put on the table other than the central idea, being ¡®Dreams abound¡¯.¡± Katou was intensely staring at LuNA, though I doubt many words said entered her ears as she kept nodding her head even when she had already stopped talking. ¡°So¡­ do you have any ideas?¡± She suddenly snapped out of her trance. ¡°Huh, me¡­?¡± She pointed at herself. ¡°I¡ªuh¡­ I don¡¯t have any.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ve got an idea,¡± I said. ¡°We¡¯re all treating this song as a whole rather than picking it apart and looking at it as smaller parts.¡± ¡°I get what you¡¯re getting at, what you¡¯re trying to say. I bet you mean we all do small things our own way. Bringing it together in a grand play,¡± Morita quite correctly interpreted. ¡°Exactly! We¡¯ll be needing someone to do the intro, someone else for the first verse, the chorus, and so on.¡± ¡°Interesting,¡± Kashimoto said. ¡°But if we¡¯re only getting the lyrics done today, aren¡¯t I a little useless then?¡± ¡°No worries, I¡¯m sure your view on the lyrics will be of good use. Anyway, let¡¯s start dividing the parts. Who wants to do the intro?¡± The room fell silent again. I wondered why no one seemed to be wanting to do the intro. Though I have to admit, I don¡¯t want to do it either. ¡°¡­Morita? Wanna do the intro? I asked him.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I can¡¯t rap the intro, that won¡¯t be any good man. My segment is followed by the chorus, at least that¡¯s my plan.¡± In all fairness, he was right. That left Katou, LuNA and myself as well. ¡°Katou, LuNA, want to do the intro?¡± Both of them still didn¡¯t say a word. I held my head in my hands and heavily sighed, ¡°LuNA, do the intro.¡± ¡°Thanks, but no thanks. I¡¯m doing the first verse.¡± I looked at Katou, hoping that she¡¯d do it. ¡°¡­Are you sure you want me to start off the song? I mean¡­ LuNA is right here¡­¡± ¡°Wait¡­ is that what you¡¯re worried about? If you do the intro, I know you¡¯ll rock it, too!¡± ¡°Well, if you say so¡­¡± I took a pen and opened my notepad and started jotting down as I spoke. ¡°That means, we¡¯ve got you on the intro, LuNA does the first verse right after. Then followed by the chorus¡­¡± I looked up, questioningly. ¡°Should I do the chorus?¡± ¡°Who else?¡± LuNA asked. ¡°Okay¡­ the chorus is for me, then the second verse done by Morita. The chorus again. I feel like we should have a third verse, no?¡± ¡°Katou, keep the intro short and do the third verse,¡± LuNA told her. ¡°Oh, I¡¯d love to go twice! But¡­ A-are you sure¡­?¡± ¡°Yeah. Let¡¯s finish with the chorus again, all of us singing together.¡± I wrote everything down, ¡°Sounds like a great idea.¡± * * * On Tuesday, I was at the hospital again after school. The producer hadn¡¯t called me before, when he finally did, I had him on speaker so mom and dad could also listen. ¡°Koji! How are you doing little man?¡± ¡°I¡¯m doing great! We¡¯ve got some work done on the song last weekend. Next week, it¡¯ll be all about merging it together.¡± ¡°Great to hear, keep up the good work! Anyway, you know why I¡¯m calling, right?¡± Of course I knew, this had been the reason he has been calling me these past few Tuesdays. The anticipation of his calls is actually what keeps me from looking it up myself, it¡¯s more exciting to hear the results from the line. ¡°The charts!¡± ¡°Yup! Let¡¯s go over it quickly here. Angel no More dropped to ninth place, not bad, not bad. Luminous is still in third¡­¡± His pause was taking a little too long. ¡°¡­What about Celestial Roamer?¡± I asked. ¡°Celestial Roamer¡­ is first again!¡± I looked over to dad and saw one of those slightest of smiles again. Then mom hugged me from the side. ¡°Way to go, Koji!¡± ¡°Nice! Let¡¯s hope it stays there next week as well.¡± ¡°Well¡­ that doesn¡¯t matter anymore really.¡± His bizarre wording threw me off guard. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°You see, I had a little chat with the boss earlier. Which is also why I called a little later than usual today. Anyway, your recent success has accelerated the talks about your ridiculous Tokyo Dome request¡­ and it¡¯s actually already being planned as we speak.¡± My eyes were as wide opened as my dad¡¯s. I¡¯ve been left speechless so many times by his calls, it¡¯s like I could wake up at any second from this dream I¡¯m in. ¡°¡­Are you serious?¡± ¡°Nothing has been confirmed just yet, but we¡¯re aiming for a concert in about a month from now, so somewhere in March.¡± That means we¡¯ve got to put the pedal to the metal on finishing our song¡­ * * * ¡°Anyway, we need to finish the lyrics today, so we can work on the instrumental parts as soon as possible. Everyone ready to go full steam ahead?¡± Another Saturday early in the morning where we were all gathered in a room to get this song done as quickly as possible. ¡°Let¡¯s do this!¡± Kashimoto cheered, right before crossing his arms, hanging his head and closing his eyes, going back to sleep. Last time, too, he said ¡°Wake me up when you need me¡± and slept through most of our meeting. We got started by letting each other hear what we¡¯ve got already. ¡°Hold your horses, gang. I¡¯m gonna start this off with a bang! See, I¡¯ve chosen to spin a twist on the theme. Making it fit well with my rhyming scheme. I¡¯m talking about an on and off flame in my heart as pursuit of my dream!¡± He started rapping his part. Some lines needed some work, but like he had announced, he started it off with a bang. His take on dreams abound was more about hesitation. Waiting for a tomorrow that might never come. ¡°That was great, Morita! What do you have LuNA?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve also got a little twist of my own. The contrast between me and little me. It was the younger version of me after all who had all these dreams that I¡¯m trying to realise.¡± When she sung her part, I was blown away once more. She laughed like a villain after singing, ¡°Heard that Koji? I rap about as good as your buddy.¡± I didn¡¯t expect her increase in tempo at the end, but with her magical voice and tone you could hardly call it rapping. Rather, singing quickly. ¡°That was also brilliant! Now it¡¯s your turn, Katou.¡± She clenched her fists, ¡°Alright!¡± After a deep breath, she sung with a beautiful high pitched voice, ¡°My calling... Is calling out to me~. Are you...Where you once dreamed to be~?¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s perfect for the intro!¡± Before I could praise her more, she said, ¡°I¡¯ve also got the verse done!¡± She sung it in her classic Katou-way. A mixture between a calm voice and a storm-like one. Very, very good. Now it was my turn¡­ but I found my part a little underwhelming compared to the others. ¡°I¡¯ve got an idea,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m scrapping what I¡¯ve got already and make a chorus that aligns more with what you guys got. A chorus where the second half changes to match the verse that I¡¯m following up. How does that sound?¡± ¡°Koji, don¡¯t be a coward and start singing, LuNA sneered. ¡°Yeah, yeah, I will.¡± I quickly started crossing lines through the text I had written and thought of new stuff. ¡°Hurry up, we wanna hear it,¡± she teasingly said. ¡°¡­Alright, here I go¡ª¡± After we had brought the lyrics together, we woke Kashimoto up to start on the instrumental part. Which went easier than the lyrics. Though at the end of the day, we still felt like there was something missing. * * * ¡°Sorry to keep you waiting,¡± I panted. I had been having a hard time finding this specific caf¨¦ in a street that¡¯s full of them. On top of that, I could barely move through the sea of couples flooding the streets. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I just arrived as well,¡± she politely said as she handed me the menu. ¡°What will you be ordering?¡± I opened it and quickly browsed through all of the options. The chocolate milkshake instantly jumped into my eyes. ¡°I¡¯ll be having a cho¡ª¡± I stopped speaking, thinking that my choice would make me look like a little kid. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll go with a regular coffee.¡± I regretted the choice instantly. It¡¯s not like I can¡¯t drink it, it¡¯s just that I put a massive load of sugar in it to make up for the otherwise bitter taste. She raised her hand, calling a waitress over. ¡°Good morning, are you ready to order?¡± The waitress was very attentively staring. Her eyes moving back and forth between the two of us. Definitely getting the wrong idea. ¡°One regular coffee and a chocolate milkshake please.¡± You¡¯re kidding me. ¡°One regular coffee and a chocolate milkshake¡­¡± she repeated as she wrote the order down. ¡°Coming right up!¡± The both of us were silent for a while. I let my eyes wander around the caf¨¦, growing ever so uncomfortable seeing so many couples around. After a while, I decided to say something to break the silence, ¡°So, why did you call me out here, Fuyuko?¡± She stopped twirling around with the sugar packet on the table and slowly raised her eyes. ¡°¡­I saw you on a television show a little while ago.¡± I knew exactly which show she was talking about. We also talked about her on that show no less¡­ ¡°D-did you¡­? So, uh, what about it?¡± She continued fidgeting around with the sugar packet. Placing her finger at one end and make it spin in circles. ¡°¡­I wanted to make up.¡± She turned her head away. ¡°It¡¯s not like I¡¯ve forgotten about the things I said in the park. Nor can I fully forgive you for leaving me alone¡­¡± She faced me again, ¡°But I think we want the same thing¡­ things to return to the way they were, right?¡± I nodded, a little hesitant, thinking it was unfair for things to return to the way they were when I was the one to blame for things to have so drastically changed in the first place. She stretched out her arm. ¡°Then let¡¯s be friends once again, Koji.¡± I stretched mine out, too, and shook her hand, ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s be friends again.¡± Right then, the waitress returned. ¡°Here you go, one coffee?¡± She said it with a little questioning tone at the end, here¡¯s where the person who ordered the coffee makes clear that it¡¯s for them. Right when I was about to say that it¡¯s for me, Fuyuko said, ¡°That¡¯s for me, thank you.¡± ¡°Here you go,¡± she said as she placed it down on the table. ¡°And the chocolate milkshake for you, sir.¡± ¡°¡­Thank you.¡± When the waitress left again, I looked at Fuyuko, who was blowing on her coffee, with a very puzzled expression. ¡°Didn¡¯t you order the chocolate milkshake?¡± After taking a sip from her coffee she said, ¡°You don¡¯t appear to be the type to like bitter things. Besides, you were about to say ¡®chocolate milkshake¡¯ when you said ¡®cho¡¯ earlier, right?¡± ¡°¡­Well, yeah,¡± I admitted. ¡°Then enjoy!¡± She beamed, as she took another sip from her coffee. ¡°So, what have you been up to? Now that we¡¯re friends again, I¡¯d like to catch up, you know?¡± I was once again a little hesitant to speak. This version of Fuyuko, half serious and half peppy, was throwing me off. To be friends again is what I¡¯d been secretly hoping for. Though this sudden change of heart feels odd. ¡°I¡¯ve been preparing for a concert in Tokyo Dome.¡± She nearly choked on her coffee. ¡°T-Tokyo dome?!¡± ¡°I made a silly deal with my boss, that if I manage to get one of my songs in the first spot of the Oricon chars for three consecutive weeks, then I¡¯d be getting a concert at the Tokyo Dome. And well, this week was the third.¡± ¡°Woah¡­ didn¡¯t see that coming. So when is this concert?¡± ¡°March, around the end of winter. The announcement will be today.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be coming to see you then. Will the ticket sale also start today?¡± This¡­ doesn¡¯t feel right¡­ ¡°You won¡¯t have to worry, I¡¯ll make sure you¡¯ll get in for free.¡± ¡°¡­Are you sure?¡± I nodded, then turned my head towards the couple-filled caf¨¦ again. The cosy, lovey-dovey vibe that explodes throughout the entire scene only worsens my uneasy feeling. ¡°By the way, which song will you be opening with?¡± ¡°¡­Fuyuko,¡± I mumbled. ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s cut this out.¡± ¡°W-what do you mean?¡± I rested my forehead on my hand, avoiding her eyes. ¡°Why are you suddenly so kind to me. Your resentment towards me lasted for years, and you want me to believe it magically disappeared now? Tell me, why are you feeling sorry for me?¡± When I looked her in the eyes again, it was her who averted hers. Slowly lifting her cup of coffee to her lips, not taking a sip, then slowly placing it down again. ¡°Koji. It was my fault wasn¡¯t it? Hibino told me.¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°Your father came to pick you up when I was the reason you were out so late¡­ and that¡¯s why¡­ the accident¡­¡± Now everything became crystal clear. She didn¡¯t want to do any of this, she was simply feeling guilty. ¡°You know that that¡¯s not your fault at all. If guilt is the reason you want to be my friend, then I¡¯d rather have you hate me than pity me.¡± She looked me in the eyes again, then lowered them to the table once more. After a little sigh she said, ¡°I don¡¯t hate you, Koji.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t. And more than anything, I wish for our friendship to return to the way it once was. So please,¡± she shoved the milkshake closer to me, ¡°¡­enjoy,¡± she smiled. ¡°Is there anything I can do for you?¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing you have to do for me.¡± I drank a bit of the milkshake, it was pleasantly sweet. Then I suddenly had an idea. ¡°What would you think about¡ª¡± * * * Later that morning, I was once again headed to the same room were the others were waiting. Today we were going to heavily focus on getting the instrumentals just right and matching it with the lyrics. While we were doing that, the promotional team would be getting started with the concert announcement. When I arrived, LuNA instantly had a smug smile on her face, summoning a sinister air in the room right from the get-go. ¡°Hey lover boy, how many girls halted you for marriage proposals today?¡± I sat down, adjusted my seat and turned my head. ¡°No more than usual,¡± I said matter-of-factly. That¡¯s something that doesn¡¯t really happen to begin with. Though that got Katou flustered for some reason. ¡°L-let¡¯s get started, alright?¡± I gave hanging-head Kashimoto a punch to the shoulder, instantly waking him up. ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± he said as if I was a teacher doing roll call. ¡°Instrumentals today. Let¡¯s get to work.¡± A switch in passive and active roles between Morita and Kashimoto happened. Now that he had his violin to worry about, the role of being a sleeper got handed to Morita. We got about an hour worth of work in before Katou¡¯s stomach started growling, indicating that it was lunchtime. Whilst we were eating, there seemed to be quite the tension hanging in the room. Some awkward glances were swapped, while LuNA couldn¡¯t drop the smug smile. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. Then, after about fifteen minutes, LuNA stood up. ¡°Bathroom.¡± ¡°Me, too,¡± Kashimoto said as he left.¡± Morita, who we hadn¡¯t bothered waking up, suddenly lifted his head. With his eyes half-closed he peered at the clock hanging on the wall. Out of nowhere, he jumped up and also shouted out, ¡°Bathroom!¡± and left. I looked over at Katou. ¡°Are you next, or is it my turn to jump into this gig?¡± She stood up, making me think they were all pulling some prank or something. With slow steps, she walked all the way to her bag against the wall, returning equally slowly while holding something behind her back. ¡°Here, Koji.¡± From behind her back she made a brown box with red stripes and dots on it appear. ¡°Happy valentines day!¡± I opened it up, there was valentines chocolate inside. ¡°Woah, this looks delicious! Thanks!¡± Right as she sat down again, her stomach growled. ¡°Want some?¡± My question quickly followed the growling. ¡°¡­They¡¯re for you!¡± She shyly turned her head away. I looked through them and took the most delicious looking one out of the box. ¡°Here you go.¡± I held it out, perhaps a little close to her face. When I returned my gaze back on the chocolate from paradise, I felt her lips brushing over my fingers. Turning around I saw that she directly ate it out of the grasp of my fingers. ¡°You¡¯re like a hamster,¡± I chuckled, to which she bit my finger. Right then, the door opened. The others returned from the bathroom to see me with my finger in Katou¡¯s mouth. ¡°¡­There was chocolate¡­ I fed it to her¡­¡± I looked at Katou and whispered, ¡°Stop biting my finger¡­¡± She retreated her mouth with a cheerful smile. When did you get this playful? After¡­ whatever this was, we resumed eating lunch and got right back to work. ¡°We¡¯re missing something,¡± Kashimoto remarked. ¡°Yeah, drums,¡± LuNA quickly replied. ¡°We need some drums. Do any of you know of a drummer we could ask?¡± I¡¯ve worked with a couple of drummers before, though strangely, the first person who popped up in my mind¡­ was Nomura. And for some reason, I didn¡¯t dislike the idea. ¡°Say, how long would it take someone with little drum knowledge to get a single song down?¡± ¡°¡­Depends on the difficulty, really,¡± she said. ¡°How difficult would you like this song to be?¡± She lazily leaned her head against her hand and sighed, ¡°Got someone in mind?¡± ¡°I do. But I don¡¯t know if she¡¯ll be available.¡± ¡°Give her a call then.¡± I did as she said and called her. ¡°KOJI!!¡± Her loud voice got my ears ringing. ¡°¡­yes?¡± My normal volume sounded like a whisper in comparison. ¡°I¡¯m glad you called! I just successfully finished my training! They said I could start working after spring break!¡± She was talking about the training at her favourite bakery. ¡°Congrats! Wait¡­ does that mean you¡¯ve got time again?¡± ¡°Uh-huh. But didn¡¯t you say the lyrics were finished at school?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not for the lyrics this time¡­¡± I looked at the others in the room. ¡°We need you for the drums.¡± ¡°Err¡­ huh?! I¡¯m not a drummer!¡± I glanced at the clock, our practice wouldn¡¯t be over for another three hours. ¡°Say, do you got time to stop by now? I¡¯ll send you the address.¡± ¡°Huuuhh?!!¡± And that¡¯s why I¡¯m currently waiting outside the building. It didn¡¯t take long before she arrived. ¡°Koji! What¡¯s this all about? I¡¯m not a drummer anymore, you know!¡± ¡°Follow me, we¡¯ll turn you into one. Just for one song.¡± She followed me through the entrance hall to the elevators. Once we were going up, her legs started shaking. ¡°Feeling nervous?¡± I asked her. ¡°Y-yeah¡­ super nervous!¡± Then I suddenly remembered how she used to be bad with heights, hence why she never climbed in a tree with Fuyuko and me. ¡°Still scared of heights?¡± She very honestly nodded her head. ¡°No need to worry, Nomura. The cables of this elevator have only snapped like once or twice. Statistically speaking, we¡¯re not going to die here today.¡± She punched me with quite a bit of power. ¡°If we die here, I¡¯ll be sure to haunt your cursed grave for the rest of your life¡ª¡± She realised that her sentence made little sense. ¡°Anyway, stop making fun of me when I¡¯m about to do you a favour!¡± ¡°Oh, your legs stopped shaking.¡± ¡°Shut up¡­¡± she pouted. The elevator doors opened to which she let out a sigh of relief. ¡°Wanna look out the window from this floor?¡± ¡°No! I don¡¯t!¡± ¡°Alright, alright.¡± That was enough teasing her for a minute. ¡°It¡¯s this way,¡± I said, showing her to the room where everyone was waiting. I introduced her to Katou and LuNA¡ªthe other two obviously knew who she was¡ªand we got started on trying to teach her the drums. Well, LuNA was. ¡°You go like this, and then this, this, this and then this. Got that?¡± ¡°No...¡± ¡°Let¡¯s try again. This¡­ this, then this¡­¡± It wasn¡¯t really working out as smoothly as we¡¯d hoped. Perhaps partly because the drummer isn¡¯t even a drummer. And the drum instructor isn¡¯t a drummer either. After fifteen minutes, we had something to work with. ¡°Alright, Kashimoto, you start off with the violin during Katou¡¯s intro. Then your final note lingers until it¡¯s completely silent. Then Nomura, you start on the drums, followed by the violin again. Then LuNA followed by me and Katou at the same time. Sounds good to everyone?¡± After our practice that day, I went to see my producer, to ask him a very specific question. ¡°Is there any way I could make the concert ticket free for a certain person?¡± ¡°Sure,¡± he said. ¡°Who is it?¡± ¡°Sakura Fuujii. She helped me out once in a store in Shizuoka. She¡¯s a stranger, really, but she¡¯s also the first ever person to ask for a signature out on in public. But I was in a hurry, you see? And yet, right after saying I couldn¡¯t sign anything, I selfishly asked her if I could borrow some money for a bottle of water.¡± ¡°I see. So you want to repay her, huh. I¡¯ll make sure it¡¯ll be done. Sakura Fuujii was it right?¡± ¡°Yup. Thank you very much!¡± * * * During the weeks leading up to today, I felt restless from waiting. Seeing myself on flyers and billboards made me feel really strange at first, but only amplified my longing for today to come. The only negative besides my growing impatience was yet a new set of rumours being spread about Fuyuko and me. We were spotted when we went to that one caf¨¦¡­ on Valentine¡¯s Day no less. Anyway, today it¡¯s time for something else. Tokyo Dome. A baseball stadium sometimes used for concerts with a capacity of 55.000 people, that I officially became the youngest person ever to sell out¡ªwith the help of my friends of course. Peeking through the curtain, I could see that the stadium was completely filled. I closed it again and looked at my friends backstage. ¡°Everyone doing okay?¡± Everyone seemed to be doing alright. Even though this was her biggest concert yet, LuNA seemed to be the one being the calmest. ¡®Just another Saturday¡¯ was the sort of feeling I was getting of looking at her. ¡°Hey, Koji. What¡¯s the other set of curtains on the stage for?¡± she asked. ¡°Ah, don¡¯t worry about that. When you¡¯re leaving the stage, just come back here. Oh, and one more thing, at our last song, please stop playing your instruments after Katou¡¯s verse.¡± ¡°¡­Why?¡± ¡°It¡¯s time, Koji,¡± I was told to go to the stage. ¡°No time to explain, but please do.¡± With a deep breath and closed eyes, I stood in front of the curtains. One step away from the big dream from half my life ago. Simply walking onstage made the Tokyo Dome erupt and explode with cheers. I felt the energy spread by the audience getting absorbed into my body. I felt ready to go crazy. I walked up to the central microphone stand, ¡°Tokyo Dome¡­ Are you ready!!!!¡± Another eruption; another burst of energy flowing right to and through my veins. ¡°The first song of the night, Celestial Roamer. I won¡¯t be singing that on my own of course. Here¡¯s LuNA.¡± All neighbouring pieces of land would¡¯ve been burned down right now if the Tokyo Dome was an actual volcano. The way she got the crowd going wild from simply showing her face¡­ it¡¯s insane. Celestial Roamer was my pick as the one to do first, because it¡¯s the one that¡¯ll get the people fired up from the get-go. A song with many interpretations about a roamer, lost in space. I started singing. ¡°Arrival with no complication At a mysterious space station, right How myriad aeons of millions of millions of years have gone by Since we first took flight But in your absence, everything feels alright¡± Here¡¯s where both LuNA¡¯s guitar and her vocals get introduced. With her stellar voice she took the pre-chorus away. ¡°I am lost in outer space Left without a trace Secretly hoping ¡ª I''ll be found by you My longing for your touch only grew More and more, though I already knew . . . That you wouldn''t be coming through¡± Two contradictory voices singing about one another. Now the chorus, a back and forth between her and me. ¡°When will you realise you''re on your own?¡± ¡°I''m getting cold roaming in the unknown¡± ¡°Two of the same yet we''re so alone¡± ¡°I''m getting frustrated roaming in the unknown¡± ¡°Swirling around, space has become our home¡± ¡°I''m getting tired of roaming in the unknown¡± My turn to sing again. ¡°A lunar getaway at a turtle''s pace Running away from myself as if I''m in a celestial race I can''t say for sure what I''m feeling is true But I will never stop trying to evade you There''s no way I would ever undo~ The parting of us two¡± ¡°I am lost in outer space Left without a trace Secretly hoping I''ll be found by you My longing for your touch only grew More and more, though I already knew . . . That you wouldn''t be coming through¡± ¡°When will you realise you''re on your own?¡± ¡°I''m getting cold roaming in the unknown¡± ¡°Two of the same yet we''re so alone¡± ¡°I''m getting frustrated roaming in the unknown¡± ¡°Swirling around, space has become our home¡± ¡°I''m getting tired of roaming in the unknown¡± Luna¡¯s outro concluded this well-received song. ¡°Somewhere in outer space I''m longing for your embrace Somewhere in outer space I''m longing to see your face To see your face To see our face . . . I''m a celestial roamer, the other self you fail to erase¡± Riding the wave of the hype we created, I made sure the audience wouldn¡¯t fall asleep with the next one; Athlete on the Beat. Introducing both Morita and Kashimoto to the stage. The song is super silly, but it gets the people going. Jumping up and down, going from left to right. I couldn¡¯t help thinking that this enthusiastic detonation is what life¡¯s all about. When all the bouncing was over, I took the energy levels down a bit to sing my first ever solo song; Maybe in Love. Not my best one at all, but my first song that¡¯s solely mine holds a special place in my heart. The people in the audience gently rocked their heads from side to side. The relaxed atmosphere was perfect to queue my other love song, which the audience seemed to like even more than the previous one. The calm in the air made for the perfect moment to blow it all out of the stadium. And who else than Miss Silent Mayhem herself. ¡°The next song is called ¡®Snowfall turned a Blizzard¡¯! Please welcome Katou Emiko to the stage!¡± Loud cheers and applause even before she appeared from behind the curtains. The cheers only growing louder the moment she made her way onstage. In our song, I¡¯m sort of the balance between Katou¡¯s extremes. She sings gently and peacefully, while I sing just like I normally do, and Katou adds her chaotic thunder voice as well. Each time that voice appeared, the stadium erupted once more. When Katou left the stage again, it was time for Mr. Throwaway Child, and Angel no More. Those songs were followed by Apathetic Fool and Luminous, slowly bringing the energy levels down in preparation for the grand finale. Before that, though, was the nationals winner Fifth Symphony; a solo guitar performance, getting the audience all excited again. I felt the sky grow darker as the night went on. I had slowly gotten accustomed to getting the audience hyped up and slowing them down again. ¡°My final song is a brand new one, we will be playing it for the first time in front of an audience. When I say ¡®we¡¯ I mean not only me, but Katou¡ª¡± I waited a little, getting the entire stadium to clap. ¡°¡ªMorita and Kashimoto!¡± The applause and cheers continued. ¡°And also¡­ LuNA!¡± No one gets the crowd as loud as the LuNA does. The only superstar that I¡¯ll allow to steal my thunder. All of them appeared on stage. ¡°Huh? Who is that behind the drums?¡± A to the brim packed Tokyo Dome has probably never been as silent as this. Not a sound could be heard. ¡°Hey! That¡¯s my childhood friend, Nomura!¡± I playfully announced. Even though the crowd has likely never heard of her, they were also going crazy for our drummer. ¡°This brand new song is called ¡®Dreams Abound¡¯. Enjoy!¡± The anticipation of the brand new song created a little quietude as well. Kashimoto started the song off with his violin, right as Katou started singing with a voice stolen from paradise. ¡°My calling... Is calling out to me¡ª Are you... Where you once dreamed to be¡ª?¡± The audience, clapping at her first high notes, immediately got quiet the moment Kashimoto¡¯s lingering violin note ended. Here¡¯s where our drummer starts playing. At the sound of her first hits, we on stage could all hear she missed a beat. I turned my hand sideways, holding my thumb up to show her everything¡¯s fine. Kashimoto returning with his violin¡­ also missed his first note. The pitch perfect Kashimoto would never miss a note on accident, I¡¯m sure this was his way to tell Nomura that she doesn¡¯t need to worry about it. LuNA, Katou and I all took the hint and missed our first notes on purpose as well. Silly things like these show just how close we are as a group. All the instruments were playing, here¡¯s where LuNA took it away. ¡°Another day''s gone by Once again wondering why I can''t shut an eye¡ª Little me, swirling around in my mind Couldn''t wait to grow up, now I wish to rewind Wish to Go back to the days Where any store was a maze Every look was a phase Being kind earned me praise Flower picking in Aprils and Mays Dancing in hot-summer sun rays Being a child in carefree ways Now, out of the window into the starry sky I gaze And see That time has not been kind to me¡± My turn to get a homerun in. ¡°In the solitude of the night That''s when dreams abound¡ª Dreams about Times when our past and present interweave Times when we were young and na?ve Had the world in our hands below our feet Had so much left to achieve¡± The second verse, the one right after the chorus, kept for no one other than our rapper, Morita. ¡°While the world is out like a light I fail to get any sleep at night Because my doubts are rising so high, it''s like they''re taking flight Is my zealous passion finite? Will my dreams ever earn me a dime before they slip out of sight? But I still got time ... right? Tomorrow, surely I''ll wake up determined and steady When you head to bed I''m up already The inferno within I''ve lacked for as long as I can remember Will it set my heart ablaze or merely be an ember? Tomorrow, surely I''ll thrive But, maybe that tomorrow is found in the afterlife¡± ¡°In the solitude of the night That''s when dreams abound Dreams about Things we want to attain Before we lose our grip again Will we grab our chance or hesitate If we wait for tomorrow, we might be too late¡± Katou followed it up with the third verse. ¡°I''ve still got a long way to go Still reminiscing on dreams from ages ago In these hopeful eyes... I bear Struggle... and despair But one day... I swear Despite life being... unfair I will reach heights beyond compare¡± Her verse ended and everyone stopped playing their instruments, just like I had requested. After three piano notes, the curtains everyone had been wondering about suddenly fell down. There she was, Fuyuko, who blew everyone away with her suprise appearance. ¡°Uncertainties ¡ª lies and deceit Can''t pick myself up, lying on the street Sky growing darker as we speak Will I ever find a way out of here?¡± I held my hand up in the air, snapping my finger, letting everyone know it was time to play our instruments again. ¡°I get back up and try to stand Can''t eternally wait for a reaching hand Still, legs trembling I''m frail and weak My brave front breaks the glass in a mirror antique All opting for a fa?ade mystique Ignoring that what''s inside is beautiful and unique But when at night, you fall asleep And take a look at what we seek You''ll see that it''s the same isn''t it¡ª?¡± Per LuNA¡¯s request, we¡¯re all, even Nomura and Kashimoto, singing the chorus. ¡°In the solitude of the night¡± Isn¡¯t it funny? ¡°That''s when dreams abound¡± Everything is different now. Our lives were once one grand entity and now we fly on very different paths. ¡°Dreams about¡± But when you look at us, Nomura on the drums, Fuyuko playing the piano and me on the guitar. ¡°Unwavering confidence in our eyes¡± Everything is different now. ¡°The search for where our heart¡¯s longing lies¡± But nothing has changed. 17. The End NOMURA AND FUYUKO were chatting backstage, it¡¯s been a long while since I last saw the two together. A refreshing scene, really. Morita and Kashimoto were being goofy together as usual. LuNA seemed drained and was downing the good booze, next to her sat Katou, snacking away. Mom already went home with dad in his wheelchair. The concert was over, and it was a great success. I couldn¡¯t have asked for more out of today, nor would I have any clue how today could possibly get any better. While everyone was decompressing from the concert, I was talking to my producer. ¡°Koji, little man, you¡¯ve been the highlight of my career as a producer. Thank you¡­ for everything.¡± ¡°You¡¯re making this sound like a goodbye! I¡¯ve got to a lot to thank you for, too, you know? Let¡¯s keep working to reach new heights together.¡± He shook my hand, ¡°Of course, glad to have you on my team. Oh, I almost forgot, Miss Sakura is probably waiting somewhere, she got special backstage privileges thanks to your request.¡± ¡°Oh, great. I¡¯ll be right back then.¡± I left the others to go find her. It didn¡¯t take long before I saw her. ¡°Good evening,¡± I said. ¡°Did you enjoy the concert?¡± ¡°Oh my, Koji¡­ Of course I did. I was really surprised when I heard I got a free ticket from you!¡± ¡°I can imagine,¡± I smiled. ¡°I remembered your name from when you helped me out back in Shizuoka. You were the first person ever to ask for a signature in public, unfortunately I couldn''t give it back then, but now I¡¯ve got plenty of time to sign whatever you want.¡± ¡°I would love to get your signature on this CD case, please.¡± I did as she asked and grabbed a pen to sign it. As I was doing so, she said, ¡°You know, I really resonate with some of your music. Especially mister throwaway child.¡± ¡°That¡¯s one of my favourites, too,¡± I said. ¡°Have you had a similar experience growing up?¡± ¡°Not exactly.¡± She put the signed CD case in her bag. ¡°I have an older sister who left her child at the hospital. I was too young to take care of the little baby myself, so I just let it happen. Sometimes when the little baby pops up in my mind, I can¡¯t help but hope they¡¯re doing something great with their lives like you are doing.¡± ¡°I hope so, too.¡± ¡°Thank you for inviting me here. I won¡¯t keep you any longer, you should be celebrating with your friends.¡± ¡°Alright. Thank you for coming, oh and also thanks for the water bottle back then.¡± We both slightly bowed and I returned to my friends, wondering where the familiar air around the lady came from. ¡°Ah, Koji, you¡¯re back!¡± Nomura cheered. ¡°Fuyuko is staying the night at my place, isn¡¯t that awesome?!¡± ¡°Uh¡­ yeah, I guess¡­ Have fun.¡± She smiled and left with her. Morita and Kashimoto also said their goodbyes and left. LuNA was drunk and couldn¡¯t drive herself home. ¡°I¡¯ll take her home,¡± my producer said. ¡°You bring Katou to the train station, alright?¡± ¡°I was already planning to. Anyway, see you.¡± We waved our goodbyes and headed out for a chilly winter walk to the train station. During our walk, Katou was surprisingly quiet. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± I asked her. She shook her head. ¡°Not really¡­¡± Something was definitely wrong. In attempt to cast away the silence, I asked her, ¡°Did you enjoy today?¡± She inched a little closer, delicately bumping her shoulder against my upper arm. ¡°I think this might¡¯ve been the best day of my life¡­¡± I felt like there was a ¡®but¡¯ coming. ¡°¡­But?¡± She looked at me with troubled eyes, ¡°But there¡¯s been something on my mind for a while. I didn¡¯t bring it up earlier, so we could all focus on the concert¡­ but why did you go on a Valentine¡¯s date with Fuyuko?¡± I wanted to tell her that I didn¡¯t even realise it was Valentine¡¯s Day until she gave me chocolates, but that would sound a little too cold. ¡°It was not a date,¡± I said instead. ¡°We only met to make up and be friends again.¡± She didn¡¯t reply and walked at her distance from earlier for the rest of the walk. Even for me, it was apparent to see that she was very upset. In front of the station, I asked her, ¡°Don¡¯t you think you¡¯re spoiling the ¡®best day of your life¡¯ if you keep brooding over this?¡± She turned around, her body facing me, while intensely gazing into my eyes. ¡°Then do something to make me feel better.¡± I scratched the back of my neck. ¡°¡­What do you want me to do?¡± Her intense gaze lasted long, feeling even longer as she didn¡¯t say a word. Suddenly, she grabbed my by my collar, pulled me closer, closed her eyes and pressed her lips against mine. A soft touch expressing the feelings she can¡¯t put into words, quickly erasing our surroundings; no street below our feet, no staring eyes from the nocturnal passer-by¡¯s, nothing. I lost all feeling over my senses, all but the sweet caress against my lips. At the release of her lips, I tried to say something, ¡°Katou¡ª¡± but she instantly shut me up again by pressing her lips against mine once more. Much shorter this time, getting all red from embarrassment when she let go. I opened my mouth, trying to say something again, but before I could, she was already dashing away into the train station. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. Staring at her taking off, I knew that I would never forget this sensation of our kiss. Brushing my finger over my lip, I could tell that this might¡¯ve been our first, but I wouldn¡¯t let this be our last. When I got home, the lights were still on in the living room and I saw mom waiting for me in the sofa. ¡°Koji!¡± She loudly cheered. ¡°What an amazing concert! I loved every single song you performed! Oh and the last one was sooo good! I didn¡¯t expect a song with every single one of you! You sure kept us in the dark about all of this!¡± She was overcome with joy, very eagerly expressed in the way she spoke, but I was really happy that she enjoyed it as much as she did. ¡°Oh, by the way,¡± she said while looking at my face, ¡°why is your face all red? It¡¯s been like that since you walked in.¡± I touched my cheeks, which still felt warm, and hadn¡¯t cooled off ever since Katou left. ¡°I think I¡¯ll be heading to bed.¡± I retreated to safety. * * * I sent her a text around midnight before I went to bed, ¡°Let me know when you¡¯ve arrived home.¡± To which she, quite a bit later, replied ¡°A¡± and nothing else. It was Sunday and I wasn¡¯t sure if she had anything planned to do, but I couldn¡¯t suppress this feeling of really wanting to see her. That¡¯s why I asked mom during breakfast if it was okay if I went to Shizuoka that day. ¡°Hm? Sure. Are you visiting Hibino again?¡± ¡°¡­No.¡± Her entire facial expression changed. A curl of her lips, turning it into a mischievous smile, paired with an amused, ¡°Hmmmm~¡± sound. ¡°¡­What?¡± ¡°Is it Katou?¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay if I go, right?¡± She made the ¡°Hmmmm~¡± sound again. ¡°¡­Right?¡± ¡°Sure. Don¡¯t be late, alright?¡± She teased. I grabbed my guitar and left the house. Once I was sitting on the train with my guitar in between my legs, I started wondering why I even took it with me in the first place. Normally, when people recognise me, it¡¯s a subtle nod or wave to show me that they know me. But when I¡¯m sitting on a train on the back of a massive concert with my guitar in between my legs, I¡¯m simply asking for it. A lot more people than usual recognized me, and some even asked for signatures or pictures. When I finally arrived in Shizuoka, I had something completely different to worry about. How will I act when I¡¯m facing her? What will I even say? What are we even going to do when I¡¯m there? Many questions like these were swirling around in my mind. To distract myself from all these thoughts, I started playing the guitar while I was walking down the street, under the winter sun. I played some random pop song and then trailed off into random melodies inspired by it. Somehow during my walk, people started following my music. I was playing with a lot of effort after all, otherwise I¡¯d be overthinking about all those questions again. When I had gathered quite the crowd behind me, I turned around and asked, ¡°Which song should I play next?¡± Playing every song I knew, I felt very at ease playing for such an enthusiastic little crowd. Some people even came looking out of their windows to see what was going on. I gradually forgot everything I was worrying about until I made it to Katou¡¯s street. The moment I stood in front of her house, I knew I didn¡¯t need to knock, the sound of my guitar was enough. She waved at me, standing in the door opening. Her eyes failing to meet mine for longer than a second. The little crowd I had gathered stood still as well. I stopped playing with my right hand and waved back at her, continuing playing right after. She turned around and went back inside. The people behind me started wondering where she went. I turned towards them with a warm smile, knowing exactly what she went back inside for. Not long after, she returned with her own guitar in hand. ¡°H-hello, Koji.¡± She seemed to hesitant in the way she walked up to us. Seeing her all nervous, I stretched my arm out and held her by her hand. ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± The two of us lead the way to a local park. Losing some of our troupe along the way, all the while gathering new people as we walked. Once we arrived at the park, we played some more while sitting on benches. Taking a glance at her face, I saw the jovial smile she often carried when playing the guitar. I couldn¡¯t help but think just how wonderful all of this is. Not how quickly I fell in love with my guitar, nor how quickly I got good with it. Not the success I found early on in my career either. But the real wonder. The wonder that lies in the like-minded friends I made along the way. Without them pushing me to my limits, no one would¡¯ve ever heard of Kuruno Koji. Neither would I be sitting here right now next to Katou, playing with our trusty guitars, enjoying the apricity nearing the end of winter. The warmth the sun radiates, despite the cold scenery, reminded me of myself. Throughout my life I¡¯ve learned that the sun will always prevail, even on the most niveous days. My biggest ray of sunshine might just be the person sitting right next to me. The End