《One Lie, A Thousand Secrets》


 Chapter One

    It was a dreary night, silent even. Not a peep of sound besides the wailing whispers of the wind pelting against the branches of the oak tree inches away from my window. The darkness taunting me, reminding me it will always be there even after the brightest of days. Alone in the drenches, haunted by the memories stored in a very deep part of my brain aching to get out, to be heard. Calling out to me, only I won''t listen. You can hear faint noises of people arguing downstairs yet I''m not afraid because this was my everyday norm. Glass breaking at the impact off a hard object. I put on my earphones to drown out the noise.


    "It''ll all be over soon..." I whispered.


    Just close your eyes and focus on the sounds vibrating on your ear drums. One... Two... Three... Three seconds passed. The only noise I hear is the Beatles singing to me, bringing me peace.


    "Black bird singing in the dead of night,


    Take these broken wings


    and learn to fly. "


    I took off my earbuds to see if the dwelling chaos that took home in my shelter left, nothing. I slide out of bed and tiptoe to my door, slowly opening it, still nothing. When I go to close my door, ''Pow! Pow!'' Two blanks leaving a gun, and my mother screaming out. I dropped my phone and stepped away from my door when I heard the staircase creaking as a new monster makes its way to me next. I quickly close it.


    "It''ll all be over soon... This is it." I repeated at least three times to myself. Trying to contain the drumming of my heart. "This is the end."


    And then I woke up. My palms were sweating, my heart was racing like a horse, and my head was pounding. I ran to lock my door before I realized it was just a dream. A very vivid, very bad dream. A grave feeling fell over me. It wasn''t just a dream; it was a memory that was repetitive. There was stinging on my left arm, but I didn''t bother looking because I was too focused on trying to control my breathing. The feeling it left me with was compelling, gloomy, and above all, petrifying. Someone tapped at my door, but I didn''t bother to respond or open it. What if it was him? What if he found me? What if-


    "Clarity? Are you awake yet?"


    The voice snapped me out of the hypnotizing compulsion. Right, he couldn''t have found me here, this was the safest place for me in a very long time, possibly in anytime of my life. I look at my arm finally when I glanced at the floor next. There was blood that was dripping on the wood from the scratches I''ve created on my forearm. Fuck, they''re going to keep me here, I need to keep my cool until I step through that door. I ran to my dresser and grabbed a sweater, "Yeah! I''m awake. Give me a minute, I''m getting dressed." I threw it on while wiggling up a pair of sweats and ran back to the door, swinging it open. Resting my arm up on the doorway, I stare at my case worker Julie. "What''s up?" Flashing her a smile.


    "What''s up?" She slapped my arm in a playful manner. "Aren''t you glad to finally be getting out of here?"


    "Oh, is that today?" I scoffed. "Not like I was counting down the days; I was actually enjoying it around here." Smirking.


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    "Right... Well do you have your bags ready? She should be here any minute now."


    "Yeah, yeah of course. Meet you downstairs in ten?"


    We spoke a few times more before Julie went back towards the stairs and I closed the door. Wow, I''m really leaving... my heart started racing again remembering what happened while I was sleeping.


    "Quit it, Claire. Get a grip." Snapping at myself.


    I gradually made my way to the bed before getting on my knees to reach for a box under it. It was an old wooden box made of bamboo. It used to be my mother''s before... before it happened. She used to keep her most cherished things in here, hoping one day to give it to me when I was older, and she was long gone. I guess we didn''t plan for it to be this soon. Opening the box with a key, I hold a picture of her. She was so pretty, the prettiest actually. Every guy wanted her. Single, widowed, married, it didn''t matter. Any room she walked in she attracted attention. As beautiful as she was, she had the kindest soul. And she took care of me every way she could, even if what we thought was the worst situation raised, and yet anywhere we went, things started to rot. Nothing good ever came out of it.  How could she let this happen? How could she leave me? Countless nights at motels, all the nights she left me alone so she could work, all the men... I shivered. Someone''s hand grazed over the strains of my hair, making me snap my head around. Looking up, there she was. It was like she never died, like everything was really just that, a sick dream my head made up to play with the thing I was most afraid of.


    "You ready to get out of here kid?"


    It was my mother''s sister, Evony. Twin sister as a matter of fact. So many emotions toiled in. Anger, grief, disbelief, and nostalgia. I was leaving this place to go live with the very thing that will remind me of every single little thing that has happened to me. Out of all the preparing this psych ward tried to get me ready for, they never prepared me for this. Closing the box and shoving it in my book bag, I nod and stand up to my feet, muttering to myself, "Do I have a choice?"


    The drive was awkward. Silent even with all the forced conversation from my aunt. She was going on and on about literally nothing. How beautiful I grew up to be, the memories she has of me as a toddler, not one thing about her sister though. My mother is dead, but she''s still a memory. She isn''t forgotten. Aunt Evony was going on about dinner tonight and she can make something different if I dont like it. As she''s listing the things she can make, I space her out. She has a black Chevrolet Trax. The outside brims of the windows were chromed as-well as the wheels. You can smell she was waxing her car before she came to get me. Such a horrid smell.. her inside was really clean too. Not a smudge on the windows, no seat stains nor decomposing of age. She had a lavender car scent hanging from her mirror though you can''t smell that at all with the coating of the wax, it was a really intensifying smell.


    ¡°So Claire, I was wondering.."


    "Clarity. My name is Clarity." I cut her off. What gave her the right to call me by my nickname? She never once came to see me after the drastic events. Not even a call, or a letter. Hell, she wasn''t even at the funeral! Her own sisters funeral.


    "Clarity." She spoke in a cautious tone. "I hope you don''t mind, but I didn''t know your favorite color so your room is painted pink. I figured that was a safe color, you being a girl and all."


    "Including the factor that was my favorite color the last time you saw me. " I looked over at her.


    "Right! You were-"


    "Four. I was four. You haven''t seen me in fourteen years."


    Her grip tightened on the wheel, as her eye''s avoided my gaze. "I''m so sorry Claire.. Clarity." She cleared her throat, fixing her mistake. "It was hard on me and I didn''t know how to handle what happened to my own sister."


    "She was my mother. You think it wasn''t hard for me? I was six!!! And where were you before that?"


    "Clarity you were somewhere safe. What right did I have to take you from that?"


    "You were my aunt. You think I didn''t want to be with family? And somewhere safe? I lived in a mental facility because they believed I was incapable of living with other human beings!"


    "Your social worked adores you."


    "Yeah, she acts like family more than my own. I''m glad she''ll still be around." I muttered to myself, slouching down into the seat. "And my favorite color is red by the way."

 Chapter Two

    We finally made it to the house I was going to spend the next small portion of my life in. I unbuckled the belt from the seat and took a hesitant step out the car. "Deep breaths..." trying to soothe my shaking heart as my feet hit the pavement, making my way to the trunk to grab my suitcase. The house wasn''t the most attractive sight. The fences had pieces of wood missing, and the paint was worn. The grass in the front yard was probably the most pleasant sighting on the property. It was lively, with little yellow and red flowers roaming all around. The porch was missing a stair, but there was a swing in the corner, and the house looked crazy haunted. Now that i''m looking, I''ve seen that swing before... from where though? The closer I got, the more my heart sank. It was a palm wood porch swing. There was entwined flower petals in the metal, with little cartoon drawings on the front of the wood. My fingers were trailing along it like it''s known this piece of furniture for ages until it stopped at an engraving. My heart stopped and my chest felt like the wind knocked the breathing out of it, the carving in the wood burning at my fingertips now. Even the handwriting feels familiar. Everything inside of me went dark and hollow. Someone''s hand softly grabbed my shoulder and I couldn''t bring myself out of the hypnosis I was in.


    "That was your mother and I''s favorite spot to gaze at the stars..." Evony spoke quietly. "She wrote that when we were around your age, before she went off with that idiot. That was our last night having an unbreakable bond."


    "You kept it?" My voice quivered.


    "Of course, I did. Clarity, I wasn''t as involved as either of us would have liked, but I never stopped loving her. She was my world."


    I scoffed to myself. Her world, what nerve did she have? There were no Christmas cards, no birthday cards, hell... she never even called my mother for a split-second conversation! If she meant so much to her, why was she so distant?


    I shoved her hand off my shoulder and took a deep breath, taking one last glance at a part of my mother''s childhood. "She was your world? So much for that. You abandoned your own twin when her own world was crashing and burning. And when she died, where were you?"


    "Clarity I couldn''t make it-"


    "Of course not! You never could! You couldn''t make it to her own child''s birth, you couldn''t make it to her house greeting, you couldn''t make it to her birthdays, you couldn''t find the time to call her, and you couldn''t fucking make it to her funeral!" My hands were shaking, rage boiling up inside of me with every atom I had, my voice getting louder and quivering the more I spoke. "You never found the time for her, and when her daughter was alone and scared and without a mother, you still couldn''t show up for her. You sure do treat the people you love like shit!"


    Evony stayed quiet, the only noise you could hear was the water in the creek behind the house rushing in all directions, even the birds were quiet. She shoved her hands in her pocket and just stared at me with what looked like guilt in her eyes. Guilt... it''s a little late for that Aunt Evony.


    "You know, my mom never could catch a break. She never was lucky in her life, but the only thing she did luck in was leaving a shit sister who couldn''t care for anyone but herself. And I''m glad you weren''t around, because you would of turn me into scum like you."


    After the heated conversation with my aunt, I ran off. I didn''t know where I was going, but any place was better than there. The cheek she has to call my mother her everything. It just fueled everything inside of me and I wanted to hurt her like she hurt my mom... I was going to. But I couldn''t. As much as she didn''t care, my mother loved her. She would always write to her and leave her voicemails. She''d ask the people from church how she was doing, if her life was well. She might be dead, but I can''t bear to damage the things she held dear. Even if they damaged her. I don''t know how long I was walking but I made it to some plaza on a backroad. There weren''t many houses around, just a bunch of dirt and pole lines. Can''t believe anyone would want to live here... it''s so bland. There was a small pub on the corner called Orien. Not many cars parked around there... maybe it''s empty, I thought to myself. It was obviously open, the door was. I let myself in and walked up to the bar and took a seat. There was an older man putting bottles into the empty cubbies on the wall. He had salt and pepper hair and was a plumply old man. I doubt he could do any damage.


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    "Excuse me sir?"


    He turnt around to look at me, stopping dead in his tracks. It was like he was seeing a ghost, and dropped the box he was holding. Glass shattered everywhere and he immediately started apologizing and picking up the pieces. I walked over and started to help him pick up the mess.


    "I''m sorry for spooking you. You looked like your past just walked through the door. Do I know you?" I questioned him.


    "No, no. You didn''t scare me, I''m a old klutz, if you couldn''t tell already" He gave a hearty laugh. Oddly enough, it made me feel safer.


    "But you do know me, I spent my whole life studying people, so where do I know you from?" I pushed the question again.


    He stopped picking up the pieces and wiped his hands on his pants leg for a few seconds before speaking again. "We don''t know each other dear. But I did know your mother, and you look just like her."


    I quickly look up from the floor to him. "You knew my mother? That can''t be true. Maybe you''re thinking of-"


    "Of Evony. I know. I raised those girls like they were my own. Allow me to introduce myself, My name is Adam Whicks, I was your mothers godfather."


    Adam Whicks? I never heard of this guy a day in my life. But the thing that yearned me to ask was way more important to me than who he was. "How do I look like my mother? Aren''t they twins?" I know, smart-ass question. But nobody ever recognized me as her daughter before, it felt nice.


    He smiled, seeming to grasp my humor. "Ah yes, but I could easily tell them apart." He reached his hands toward me, but not touching me as to be careful. "May I?"


    As much as my brain should be screaming danger, everything felt calm, and so I nodded. He pointed his index finger to above my left eyebrow. "That mark you have there? It''s the same as your mothers. Evony doesn''t have that. And that there?" He pointed to my hand next and started laughing. "Oh, that is your mothers touch. Her knuckles popped out just as much as yours do, always ready for a fight."


    It was nice he noticed the little details nobody else could nor would. Everyone was always so fascinated with her beauty; nobody would look past anything further. I wonder why she never spoke of him before. Or why he wasn''t around... if he cared so much. He''s just like Evony, isn''t he?


    He noticed the grim look on my face as he spoke again. "Before you think I abandoned your mother, that''s not the case."


    "Then where were you?"


    "Your mother had her... issues. I tried helping her as much as I could, but she moved so far away with your dad, I couldn''t reach her enough. She was with child and married, I couldn''t save her from everything she got herself into, she had to learn for yourself."


    "But couldn''t you have visited?"


    "I wanted to; believe me I did. But she wanted me to stay away. She made me promise."


    "Promise? Why?"


    "I''ve been asking myself the same question the day she left."


    And he left it at that and threw the glass shards into a bin to carry it outside. He went behind the counter and grabbed a card with his number and handed it over to me. "Here. If you ever need me, I''m here. Okay?"


    Taking it and shoving it in my pocket, I nodded. "Well, I do need a job if you can help me with that... been trapped in a building my whole life, it''ll be weird not to have anything to do."


    He smiled and scratched the back of his head. "I think we can work something out."

 Chapter Three

    I came back to Evony''s place pretty late; I''m shocked she didn''t lock the door. Probably because she gets money taking care of me until I''m twenty-one. I mean it would make sense, she hasn''t taken the time to see me or get to know me until now. A visit would have at least sufficed. She was laying on the living room couch, lights off in the whole house. The TV was on but not a channel, it was just static on the screen. Great, she''s sleep, I won''t get a lecture for running off or coming in late. I walked in the living room to go turn the tv off, but Evony''s reflection in the TV caught me off guard. Long, shiny, beautiful brown hair. A tiny button nose, plump pink lips. Hell, even the way she slept... I sat in front of the TV, crossing my legs and just staring at it, grazing my fingers along the screen. As familiar as the face was on the screen, my own was almost unrecognizable to me. I don''t know who I am. Eighteen years and not one sense of worth. I''ve done nothing with my life, trapped in a sanctuary with no escape, I couldn''t even ID her killer... I get so mad at everyone for not being there for her, but the one time she needed me the most, I wasn''t.


    "I''m so sorry mom." I whispered, "I''m so sorry... none of this should have happened..."


    I remember my 10th birthday; it was probably one of my best memories with my mom. I woke up to the hotel room being filled with white and silver balloons, and the whole place smelt like cinnamon pancakes. She was humming a tune and dancing around in the kitchen, like we had no worries at all anymore. That day was the day for new beginnings. She was so beautiful in the morning light, I remember being so envious of her smile, because throughout all the turmoil and mossed pavements that were laid out for us, she still had the brightest smile in the whole world. She invited the whole hotel to our room, she had everyone invested in my birthday, even though I threw a fit I didn''t want to celebrate it. She wanted me to have something to memorize for the rest of my life, she wanted me to find the good. I should of appreciated it more when I had the chance, I should of appreciated her when she was alive. I remember looking out the window and it seemed like the whole town was there for something that was of importance. The pool had a bunch of balloons in it, there was food being grilled, food I''ve never seen a day in my life before. There was a bouncy house, people dressed up in costumes of some of my favorite cartoon characters, and my name mowed into a pattern of the field. It was by far the best day I had, she made sure of it. There was laughter, chaos, it felt like we had a family for a second. She had a way to bring people together, even if they knew her for a split second. She honestly was an Angel. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and lifted myself up off my knees, finally turning off the TV.


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    "Oh good, you made it home safe." I heard my aunt behind me yawning, her voice was groggy.


    I turned around quickly being spooked, not expecting her to wake up, I was so quiet, didn''t imagine she would. "Hey Evony?" I scratched the back of my head looking at her.


    "What''s up love?"


    "Why didn''t you... why weren''t you at her funeral?"


    She sat up, rubbing her eyes so she can get a better look at me. "You really want to know?"


    I nodded.


    She sighed, folding her hands over her lap. "I was scared. You say I don''t care but that''s not the least bit of truth. Listen Clarity... I know I wasn''t there when you guys needed me, but I had my own life too, and I tried so hard with your mother, she was my best friend."


    I looked at the ground. As angry as I was with everyone and everything, she was right. my mother dug her own grave, and I can''t blame anyone else for that.


    "But why were you scared?"


    "Because she was exactly that, she was my best friend, my whole life. I couldn''t face the fact I never visited her and the day I was finally prepared to put my fears and insecurities behind me was the day I had to say goodbye?" She took a deep breath before continuing, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "What kind of sister would that make me? Why did I deserve a goodbye?"


    "You didn''t have to say goodbye for you."


    "Then for who? For her? She was dead! I couldn''t say goodbye to her when she moved out of this house, and I couldn''t say goodbye to her then."


    Moments passed as the silence grew. For once, I had nothing to say. There was nothing I could say. Picking up my sweater from the floor and tying it around my waist I made my way to the staircase. "Goodnight Evony."


    "Goodnight Clarity. And happy birthday."


    I heard the TV turn back on when I was halfway up the landing. Little girls laughing, while their mother sang happy birthday to them, and a guitar was playing in the background. I looked downstairs and it was them, my mother and her sister, with their parents. They looked so happy, so put together. What went wrong?

 Chapter Four

    "Clarity." I heard my mother softly singing my name, trying to get me to wake up.


    "Mpf, it''s too early." Rolling over in my bed, wiggling deeper into my quilt.


    "Sweetheart come on, we have a friend coming over today."


    I rolled over back onto my side, facing her. My head was resting in the palm of my hand. She had a faint smile, and a look in her eyes I couldn''t figure out. Something important is happening today, she won''t tell me what though.


    "Can''t it wait until tomorrow? We were driving all night." I groaned.


    "Clarity Rose, us flowers rise better early in the morning than we do at dusk. And do you know why that is?"


    I shook my head. My mother desperately wanted my middle name to take after her first, like it had important meaning. It''s just a name, yet she always turns it into a lesson. A lesson I knew by heart yet could never understand.


    "Because we get the most energy then. And when its dark, people think we''re weak. The moment they try to harm us-"


    "We sting like a bee. I know mom, I know."


    "Roses have thorns for a reason doll. Remember that." She tucked my hair behind my ear and walked to my door opening it. "Now get dressed please, we want to look our best today."


    The sound of the birds outside of my window woke me up. God, why is everything alive so early? These birds better be lucky I''m used to this. I jumped out of bed, slipped into a pair of slippers and walked over to my window, opening the doors to let in fresh air.


    ¡°So much for being a rose with thorns mom¡­ it didn''t protect you.¡±


    I know the thing I should be most ecstatic for is I finally get to be with family, but it''s not. It''s the fact I even have the option to open a window. It''s like a sense of freedom, only it''s not the same. The truth is, I wasn''t trapped in that building. The people who worked there was great, and Julie became a second mother to me. She always looked out for me, was always there when I needed her, she was my best friend. I know a lot of people there feel like they''re caged, but they don''t know what it''s like out of it. I feel like my whole life I¡¯ve been in a nonstop nightmare, the dreams just help it come alive. A nightmare I never wake up from.I''ve always been caged, and the only way I can get free is when the person who killed my mother is six feet in the ground. A life for a life, but even then, that wouldn''t be enough punishment for him.


    "Knock knock." Evony opened my door, staying her distance.


    I turned around to look at her. She had enormous bags under her eyes. "Did you not sleep?" I asked tilting my head. If I''m going to be living with her, I need to make it bearable. Even if I''m angry at her, I guess I understand. It doesn''t mean I like her, but it gives room.


    She shook her head, "No. Not even a wink. You?"


    Besides the constant nightmares leading up to my mother''s death? "I slept like a baby." And stretched my arms far and wide, acting like I was well rested.


    "Good." She spoke slowly, drifting off into her thoughts. "So I was thinking we could stop by the shops today, maybe get you a few clothes and grab-"


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    I quickly interrupted her. I said I''ll make conversation, not make friends. "I actually have work today. I don''t know what time I''ll be back. But don''t wait up for me if you get hungry."


    "Work? You just moved in here, how did you find something that fast?"


    "Mr.Whicks said he could give me a spot in the bar."


    I could tell when I mentioned his name, she got tense. The corner of her lips pinched into a tight grimace, her eyes got darker, and she said nothing in response.


    "Do you know who he is Claire?" She finally spoke, this time in a harsher tone.


    ¡±I do. We had a long conversation about you and my mother, believe it or not.¡±


    ¡°Be careful, Clarity.¡± She spoke through gritted teeth.


    ¡±I feel the safest there.¡± I shot at her.


    ¡±Promise me, please.¡± She pleaded.


    She seemed genuinely concerned, but what for? If she¡¯s so worried about me being around their god father, why isn¡¯t she trying to stop me from going?


    ¡±I promise.¡± I said in return.


    I didn¡¯t lie. I will be careful. No matter who I feel safe around, I have to be careful. Look where it got my mother. I started digging my nails in the pockets of my jeans. She was stuck on that stupid lesson and didn¡¯t take her own advice. What happened to her stinger? I scoffed to myself; can¡¯t believe I¡¯m fixating on it. I never believed that shit anyway.


    ¡°I have to go Evony.¡±


    And with that, I left promptly. The walk to the bar was no quieter than the first time I made my way here. There were no passing cars besides a few, and they were gone as fast as you saw them. There were a bunch of river birch trees in a beautiful pattern down the side of the roads. They blossomed here like no tomorrow because of all the sand. Hm. Funny. They don''t have much to grow on, yet they still bloom. They hardly have water, there''s no nutritional soil to say, "Hey! You! Eat this, drink that, you need to eat your carrots and broccoli to get stronger and stand your grown for when storms come!" There''s no social contact, besides the robins and cardinals that land on each individual structured branch, the ground is just dead. The only thing the trees have to look forward to, day in and day out, is the dramatic pulsing of the sun. What motivation do they have to keep going? Surely it can''t be to provide for the very humans that destroy their ecosystem. The trees were here first and then here we came, barging through and destroying everything we touch. So why don''t they just die off too like the rest of the planet? Why do they keep helping the things that are killing them, every... single... day. Because they''re weak. That has to be it. They''re weak minded. They think we''ll change so they keep growing, and growing, and giving. But we won''t, we won''t change. We never have.


    "Excuse me!" I heard a woman run through me to get through the front doors. "I''m late! Oh boy, he''s so going to kill me for doing this again." the stranger muttered to herself.


    "Oh, sorry."


    I guess I dazed off because I didn''t even realize I was standing in front of the bar. She must be one of Mr.Whicks employees. The bar was busier than before. There was people everywhere. Laughter ringing in all directions, glasses clashing upon one another. There was even karaoke in the back, and whoever was singing was obviously deaf, or the crowd was, because they are horrid, and everyone is cheering them on.


    "You''re here!" Mr.Whick said, clapping his hands together. "Just in time for rush hour! Training starts now my dear. Hazel will be the one training you, her brother is here as-well, so either of them can show you the ropes really."


    "I thought you said this business was small?"


    He looked around the place and shrugged, looking back towards me. "You don''t think so? Huh. Well anyway, I have to go pick up a few things so be back in a jam!"


    In a jam? Who even says that? I laughed to myself. "I''m sure we got it from here Mr.Whick, take your time."


    He scurried off and I took one last look around the place before heading behind the counter. There should be an apron around here somewhere...


    "Hey Newbie! You looking for this?" The girl that was rushing through the door tossed the apron over to me.


    "Thanks. You must be Hazel?" I asked her, tying the apron around my neck and waist.


    "The one and only! That''s my brother Gino over there." She pointed onto the stage.


    "Yikes, can he hear himself?"


    We both laughed and she fixed her glasses, nudging them up the bridge of her nose. "I like to think so, you should hear him at home." She shivered and laughed again. "I know we''re pretty busy, but I don''t want you overwhelmed with it being your first day and all. Do you mind just taking people''s orders and cleaning up whenever you can?"


    "You got it, boss."