《How we could have gone if we were smarter》 "small talk" CHAPTER 1 THE YEAR 2000 (YEAR 7) the beginning of sierra and dawn''s relationship started when they met at the beginning of high school. the year 2000, stuck in a humid dusty classroom full of unfamiliar faces, sierra was at a loss sierra was a particularly anxious person, the type that would constantly ask if you were sure if school was on today, she was a person with a head spinning of negative ''what ifs.'' so for someone that came from a remote country primary school this was like a personal hell, she knew no one and was not nearly as confident as she needed to be to walk up to a group and introduce herself like her mother had repeatedly instructed her to do. so she was at a loss, what was she meant to do? she quickly hurried to a seat somewhere in the middle and put her head down, god this was humiliating. it felt as if all eyes were upon her and everyone knew each other, they most probably did, her sister Anika had stated that they try to put in the kids from the same primary schools together. made her job 10 times harder most definitely. ''just don''t pay attention to them sierra'' she chided herself, ''you will find someone I''m sure, just focus on your studies and you can leave this place ASAP.'' afterwards about 20 minutes the teacher had stated they will be doing some ''fun get to know each other activities.'' meaning they had to find a partner and introduce themselves. sierra didn''t know how to do that. what did she even say? she couldn''t even speak to strangers and liked old pop music and the largest desert of a social life possible. she had like one friend in primary school and they left in grade 5, leaving her to merge in with the chatty girls, becoming the one that never chatted. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. but before she could run away crying from this terrifying revelation she felt a hesitant tap on her shoulder. "hi, um i i dont havea partner, im dawn." "oh, hi i''m sierra, nice to meet you." this was awkward to say the least, what was she meant to say, why was she looking around? she probably didnt like sierra, no she asked her as a joke didnt she- "so um, i think we were meant to ask one of these questions." she pointed to the whiteboard and hastily scribbled questions upon it. "okay, um the first one is about travelling, i have been to taiwan, where i was born and then we left when i was 5 because my parents thought id have better opportunities." "ooh, that''s cool, I''ve never been anywhere, not even Tasmania, crazy i know but my parents don''t really like travelling." "that''s crazy! you''ve never been on a plane?" "nope, i have been to western Australia though." "how if you didn''t go on a plane?" "one horrid car trip in my parents stinky van, and my three older siblings." Dawn had a nice smile, and acted very different to Sierra''s family, very chatty and used a lot of slang, she seemed more relaxed after she had gotten into a conversation, unlike Sierra, someone who was always on the edge. But maybe they could be good friends, Sierra was probably doing that thing that her sister thought was annoying, when she would constantly think ahead and create a fantasy land in her head but she couldn''t help it. Dawn seemed cool. A bump into the past CHAPTER 2 2023 Sierra had settled into her job years ago, a writer of a local production studio in the city. she had never directed anything like she had planned as a child all those years when stargazing and speaking of faraway dreams. she let out a chuckle as she thought of the girl that she had shard those experiences with and how she wanted to leave her parents, dreamed of ''making it big'' and leaving their small shitty town. she really did hope she escaped, she wouldn''t wish that destiny on any soul, even those she had a rocky past with. she was thinking of this as she walked to her favorite caf¨¦ on the main street, not far from the studio, maybe she could catch some of the actors that were casted, she couldn''t lie, she was always a sucker for gossip. Her mother really was right when she said ''getting stuck in her own head was her biggest red flag'' because as she was walking to the line she bumped into someone rather hard, causing them to drop their croissant to the floor, immediately she leaned down to get it for them, only noticing the face after she said "oh my gosh, I''m so sorry, ha I''m so clumsy, erm if you want I can buy another one for you as I wouldn''t want to spoil it for you. these are my personal favorites-" "Si- Sierra, right?" as if an instinct well imbedded into her, her cheeks began to flush, there she was left blushing like a fourteen year old in a crowded coffee shop. "uh, yeah" maybe she should just play dumb and leave! but then she looked closely at the woman, her face had lit up after noticing Sierra, a pure genuine sort of joy, it made her stomach betray her as it twisted in affection. "uh, do I um do I know you?" "oh, um yeah dawn, maybe you don''t remember but we used to go to school together years ago, I couldn''t blame you if you didn''t, I''ll get out of your hair-" "no" she uttered in response because Sierra was someone that could never learn to move on and was pathetic and stupid- "no?" "don''t feel sorry for that I, I do remember, of course I remember, we were best friends!" the face Infront of her that had previously began to darken with worry was now lighter with relief. "thank god! I was so scared for a minute that you were some stranger that I had just started hassling." "no, definitely not, hey maybe we should catch up one time." "I''m not doing anything now." why why why. Usually Sierra was the sort of person to think things through like huh ''do I really want to rehash my somewhat painfully messy beautiful (somehow) situation ship with my high school best friend?'' but no, another part of her had been wanting, yearning for this, to just catch up and talk and pretend it didn''t happen. "I''m free as well, hang on ill get some food and we could find somewhere to picnic." A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. seeing her again was rough, but refreshing, like for 17 years she had been locked into a cage and now suddenly she was set free with one of the most beautiful faces in charge of the rescuing. she forgot how much she had cried silently and longingly thought about the face Infront of her. so now sitting down it felt sort of strange, acting like nothing had happened but Sierra began to think maybe first she should first catch up "so, its been a long time." "yeah, seventeen years I cant believe it." "so what brings you to the city, last I heard you were what, the local uni?" "ohhh that was a long time, unfortunately I was there for maybe 6 years, but I joined a band and that took us around and then I went back to school for acting." "acting?" "yeah, I haven''t necessarily had any great breakthrough roles, side characters here and there but I''m actually here for an audition down the road for a new series being made-" "epitome of failure?" "ah, yes, how did you know?" "oh my goodness! 1m working on that! I''m currently one of the writers on there." "the fuck! small world, so you finally got there hu?" "if you''re referencing my overly ambitious dreams of becoming a famous director, that''s a no." "you still planning for that?" she asked, more relaxed than before, leaning back in the sun, seemingly interested in Sierra''s dream. she didn''t think she actually cared, after all those times of her complaining about no-one noticing her talent and Dawn turning away for something with more substance than anxiety ridden half scrapped screen plays, but apparently she did? "uhm, I don''t know, I well I like my job." "for ever..." "of course not!" she did not know her reaction would be like that, she didn''t even know that wasn''t the long term plan. "I, well I guess I could still become a director eventually but no rush." "time has definitely done a number on you Si, last time we had a chat you were always in a rush." "I''ve learned to live more rather than survive" "good, you deserve to be more content with your life." "thanks Dr stevens. so what about you, what role?" "is that even a question, babe? the unhinged aunt that is secretly an FBI agent, obviously." "of course, I must''ve forgotten I''m not exactly talking to the average gal." "I prefer to call myself actually fun, people these days get so wound up with how an ''adult'' should act, like sure I''m in my mid 30s, but I can still have fun that doesn''t involve alcohol." "Without alcohol? what happened to the Dawn from 2004 huh?" "she dealt with some serious shit..." "oh, I''m sorry, wanna talk?" "oh, uhm" she made a show of checking her watch, furrowing her eyebrows "yeah I''m afraid not for today, but, but I would love your number and maybe we can catch up another time or something?" "you, you want to stay in touch?" "Sierra." she spoke more softly as she stepped towards her, looking right into her eyes "long ago I took you for granted and paid the price, you''re important to me and I''m willing to have a relationship with you again and working for it, its important to me." "yeah that''s great, I don''t even know why I just expected us to do this once, haha." she said awkwardly, shortly they exchanged numbers and went their separate ways with Sierra full of a mix of confusing feelings bubbling up inside her, maybe this was a good idea, if they still hurt each other they could end it clean and final. And she could get closure, but there was a chance they were just stupid teenagers when they hurt each other right? gazing at stars CHAPTER 3 THE YEAR 2001 (YEAR 8) Dawn''s pov it had been a year since dawn had started ''her journey as a messy teenager'' or well high school. in a way she felt bad she wasn''t as messy as she could have been, her sister was definitely disappointed when she said she hadn''t even gotten a boyfriend "I just don''t understand Dawny, its like a right of passage for a 13 year old girl, and you can have a go at dating before they start wanting either something serious or sex." she had been told that when she was 12, and now she was 14 she felt so old. but some things had gotten in the way, like befriending one of the shyest goody two shoes she had ever met. that made her sound like a bad student and a bad friend, she wasn''t necessarily good but she was far from bad at school, she liked being average, passed all assignments in on time and got the very occasional praise. but for a budding teenage girl in a family of drunks and musicians they didn''t understand why she wouldn''t let loose, and she probably would''ve if it wasn''t for Sierra, Sierra and her alternative odd ways of passing the time. it was chilly, and getting dark, but it was beautiful. "damn Sierra, this is gorgeous, you know if you were a guy i would totally think you were hitting on me." "really? well how do you know that''s not my plan?" Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. "oooh, well what would you do then, show us your moves." she teased, she didn''t understand why people jumped into relationships so quickly, why would anyone if they could just have fun like this? sitting on a shed watching the sunset and joking with her friend on her family''s farm. "oh I''ve got moves this was just to set the scene" "pfff, of course" "hey don''t laugh, I''m going to serenade you" "see this is why I go for smart guys, they know the long fancy words" "oh believe me when I say there is much more than words I''ve got" "ewww." she chuckled then let the silence settle like a blanket, quiet and cozy "so do you think you would like want someone soon?" "what- ohh, you mean like a a boy friend...." Sierra seemed uncomfortable at this question, Dawn didn''t know why but immediately felt guilty "oh shit, sorry if its a question. forget I asked" "no, i mean its fair like probably I cant be bothered right now, like its fine now, if I''m honest you''re probably more fun than a boyfriend" "right!" "yeah, like it just seems like so much more work." once again silence settles and Dawn lays down on the corrugated iron, feeling each groove and bump "do you think we will be like this when were like old ladies?" "duhhh, I mean I will probably have kids or something but yeah." "I''m sure we could make time for each other right?" "one hundred percent dawn, well have like coffee dates and go to concerts together and when were really old we will still be ringing eacother at night and looking at starts, right?" "yeah, yeah that sounds nice, when i get a boyfriend well find a different pastime, the stars are just for me and you." "ew, you just ruined it." "what! how?" for a second Dawn felt as if she had overstepped, made it weird "you''re so cheesy." "yeah but like, everyone likes cheese." "true but its too much." "liar, there is no such thing." they were like that for hours, laying on the little roof bickering back and forth occasionally speaking about the future Dawn liked this, and she wasn''t lying when she said the stars were for them, she was intending on keeping that promise the aftermath CHAPTER 4 2023 (present day) one hour ago Sierra had come to her apartment stomping clumsily up the steps as she rushed to the door and headed inside. thats where she flicked on the kettle, changed into close 2 sizes too big and rung up her friend. the phone was only ringing for a couple seconds before Alyssa picked up "sierra! oh I''ve missed you, we never talk enough these days you know." she said airily with just a touch of sentimentality "Alyssa, I literally called yesterday and we had coffee three days ago." Sierra replied tiredly, Alyssa was always like this, but that was one of the reasons she loved her so much. ever since they met Alyssa was always undeniable about her feelings, you would always be know, unlike in the past, their relationship had less anxiety to it, and Alyssa already knew this of course, probably why she continued saying this like that, Alyssa was the best. "anyways what''s up babe?" sierra felt a smile spread across her face, Alyssa called everyone babe, like she was best friends with everyone, which in all honesty she could be. "I ran into dawn." she uttered after some slow breaths, there was some movement from the other side of the phone, she must be getting settled for a long call. "what, like Dawn, dawn? the one from year 7 that broke your heart and became a grungy drummer?" "pf, yeah, we kind of ran into each other into the caf¨¦ and we were all we should catch up but now I''m starting to have doubts because, you know, it just makes me feel so confused like I did back then like a bloody teenager" "egh, yeah I wouldn''t be surprised, you''re an anxious person and any experience for someone would definitely cause them to feel sorta sensitive." "I just, haaaa. what should I do? do I even risk all this work on just rebuilding some silly friendship, were probably not even like ''compatible'' in any ways anymore, the last time we saw each other was like 17 years ago." "hmm, I get what you mean, it could be sorta awkward and it could cause some bad things to resurface, however that said maybe you will finally get some closure." This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon."what do you mean?" "I know you don''t like confrontation Se and if it was anyone else in a similar situation like with an ex i would advise to ignore the woman, but with you and her, there is a lot of unfinished business. maybe don''t try to rebuild things maybe all you need is closure, to know what''s actually happened, to see where she''s at and to say goodbye properly. I don''t know but maybe it could put you to rest you know?" "yeah, yeah I guess, I''m a little scared you know." "that''s understandable-" on the other end there was muffled voices, maybe her husband "oh, what, oh my god- shit! look, sorry Se I gotta go, I was planning on talking longer but something came up." "yeah, yeah no problem, see ya!" that plagues on her for a while after that, eventually she put on the tv for some background noise as she started searching into her laptop Dawn''s name, now curious to see if she was in anything else, she did say that she was in some minor rolls. though that must''ve been an understatement, she made it sound like she was an extra, she was in maybe around 10 movies and had a few appearances in some series that Sierra had watched, how did she not notice her? and some of the rolls n the movies were actually kind of big, they didn''t seem like the the typical Hollywood blockbuster that would put you on billboards but definitely enough for people to know your name. so she did something she had been refraining from doing for the past 17 years, she searched up Dawns name on social media, she had a fairly decent following, and in her bio it had "singer, songwriter, drummer and guitarist" she chuckled at reading this, the actor thing must be slightly more recent, 14 year old dawn would be proud. she had definitely gotten her name out there, so she started going through her profile and posts, going deeper and deeper, to comments, thirsting over her and then she came across the posts of her in June. a picture from 3 years ago, in a pride march with the bi flag messily smeared on her face posing next to some other people with smeared faces of different flags with the caption "band reunion for the rainbows" goodness was that cheesy. her heart started beating faster and faster, she wasn''t queer was she? she never said that and when Sierra came out she- ugh never mind that was years ago, perhaps she had moved on from that. but it was strange, she never known and she had seemed like she was uncomfortable around Sierra being queer right? she sighed and shut her laptop abruptly, she knew this was bad for her, it wasn''t solving anything, shed text Dawn the time and go to bed, finally put all this nonsense away and move on with her life like an adult.