《Tales Out of My Mind》


 Imaginary Friends

    "You should''ve gone!"


    "No, it''s for the best."


    "Yeah, she would''ve been¡ª"


    "Stop." Kim exhaled and scowled at the empty pages before slamming the notebook closed and turning away. Those voices in her mind never left her alone. Or rather, Kim couldn''t let them go. Growing up, they''d been her imaginary friends. And just like everyone else, she was expected to outgrow them. But that only worked if you could find real friends, which Kim was short of.


    She got up and scrutinized herself in the full-body mirror. Honestly, Kim thought it a miracle that she retained her curvaceous figure all these years. It was one of the few things she was proud of¡ªif only a hint.


    "Quit it with a self-admiration," Linda admonished her. She was the first friend that Kim had made. It was when she was six years old, and she wanted someone to talk to and give her advice. How Linda looked, Kim hadn''t been able to keep straight. She just knew that she was beautiful, tall, and smart. In her childhood, Linda was supportive and kind, but as Kim got older she became disappointed and blunt.


    Still, Linda was right. Kim turned away from the mirror and went over to the old dresser at the side of her bed. She picked up the family photo situated on it of herself, her mother, her father, and her brother.


    "They''d understand," Lemon said. He was a boy with yellow hair. Oftentimes, he was her partner, other times, he was her protector. He was the one Kim could rely on to have her back and help her stand up for herself.


    Kim returned the picture to its right place on the dresser, disappointed in her own lack of tears.


    "A-are you¡­ okay?"


    Kim didn''t bother with a response. Riley already knew the answer. She only asked to show her concern. Riley was a little girl, Kim''s make-believe little sister. Kim first realized her at the age of ten. She was getting lonely as only child with no friends, so she desired sibling and there she was. Riley didn''t ask for much, want for much, or do much. She was simply there, something Kim was immensely grateful for.


    "What do I do now?"


    "What do you mean, Kim?" Lemon said.


    "I''m on my own now."


    "No, you''re not!" Riley cried.


    "Yes," Linda said. "She is. She is on her own, far too late and with little preparation."


    "The house is paid off," Lemon argued. "So, she doesn''t have too much to worry about."


    "Doesn''t she?" Linda''s voice was cold.


    Kim tried shaking her head. She didn''t want this right now.


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    "You never do," Linda struck. "And look where that''s gotten you."


    Linda was right, as always. She avoid the difficult topics for as long as she could, and now, she had nothing to her name.


    "You have us, Kim." At times, Kim found her sister''s positivity and optimism to be painful. But she could also never bring herself to deny her.


    "Come on, you can''t quit." Lemon would always try to keep her from sulking, but how much could she really do?


    "She already has. Don''t you see?" And Linda never hesitated to remind Kim of her own situation, where she was, and how she got there.


    But what was there to do? It was as if every day chipped away at her ability to move herself.


    Her friends'' voices continued arguing, and Kim could only rock back on forth on the edge of the bed.


    Ding!


    The arguing stopped.


    Ding! Again.


    "Doorbell?" Riley asked.


    "Doorbell," Lemon confirmed.


    "Go," Linda ordered.


    Yes. That''s right. She had to answer the door. Kim quickly through on her old robe over her tank top and underwear and padded her downstairs.


    Slowly loosening up the front door revealed Kim''s brother in a black suit with a difficult smile on his face.


    "Hi."


    Kim wasn''t sure what to say right away. "Uh. Yeah. Hi."


    Her brother nodded somewhat uncertainly. "How are you?"


    How was she? How wasn''t she, would be the better question. "I''m¡­ uh¡­"


    He looked at her sadly, then, his smile lowering. "I know," he said. "Can I come in?"


    "Why didn''t you invite him in from the beginning?" Linda scolded her.


    Kim simply stood to the side and allowed her brother to enter. He slipped off his shoes and then headed toward the living room. Kim followed.


    They sat on opposite couches, the glass coffee table between them.


    And for a while, neither said anything.


    "Well, why don''t you say something?!" It was Linda.


    "Leave her alone!" Lemon hissed.


    Kim took a few breath and then swallowed. "How was the funeral?"


    Her brother looked up at her as if waking from sleep. "Oh. It was¡­" he struggled, the sighed. "It was as funerals were, you know? Crying, well-wishing, ''It was too soon.'' Lots of that."


    "Yeah." Kim looked away. She didn''t really want to hear about the funeral, but else could she say? She just wanted¡­ She didn''t know what she wanted.


    Her brother''s eyes were cast downward, unfocused, swaying, and heavy. He swallowed, then, and said, "People missed you¡­ at the funeral."


    "Of course they did," Linda said.


    "Leave her alone!" Lemon cried.


    "Stop being so mean!" Riley joined in.


    The arguing in her head resumed and Kim crunched up against herself. She wanted it to stop. Stop-stop-stop-stop-stop-stop-stopstopstopstopstopstop! Why? Why did her mind do this to her? Why couldn''t it let her be?


    Then, her brother was beside her, his arm enveloping and pulling her in, warm, gentle, and safe.


    Kim''s felt her eyes widen, and her inner world calm. "I¡ª"


    "I''m with you, you hear?" Her brother''s voice was firm and straight.


    Kim looked up at him, not believing what she was hearing.


    "I am with you. Do you understand? I am with you, no matter what."


    Kim did not understand. Of course she didn''t. How could she? It didn''t make any sense to her. Why? Why would he say that?


    And her brother then held her tighter, still. Why, why, why?! What was this? What was he doing? What was she doing?


    Before Kim realized it, she was sobbing, tears down her face, body shaking, clinging to her brother like the larger-than-life pillar he was. It didn''t matter what was happening or why. Only that it was happening.


    When it finally came time for Kim''s brother to leave, it was with a silent smile from siblings¡ªlike a promise.


    Finally, Kim went back upstairs to her room. The room she''d slept in since she was a child. Where her friends had all been born.


    "We''re with you, too," Riley said.


    "All the way," Lemon promised.


    Kim waited for Linda to say something. She always had something to say, after all.


    "Don''t be afraid," Linda finally spoke.


    Thank you. Kim allowed herself to smile and then put her head down to her pillow.

 One More Good Deed

    It was a day like any other for me. I got a feeling, scrounged up that little something that might''ve been effort, and got my lazy butt off of my dull bed and slumped into the old roller chair in front my laptop at my old homework desk. I began filling out an online job application for some role in a retail store as an associate, which really just meant I do whatever I''m told, or else.


    I typed in some random experience from this volunteer gig I worked some years ago, and listed out a few those basic soft skills too, like "good with people" and "punctual." The former was only sometimes true, but the latter I took a small dash of pride in. If there''s one thing that I could say I can do, it''s that I can respect when a time has been set to have something done. Except for, well, actually getting a job.


    Ugh.


    I hit "submit," and leaned back in my seat. That probably wasn''t good for the chair, but who cares?


    My room was dull and blank, and I didn''t even have enough stuff for a mess to be made. No posters, no pictures, no trinkets, just the desk and chair my dad got me back in high school.


    "Cole?!" It was Mom from the kitchen.


    I quickly forced my body up and out the door. Another thing I could do for sure was answer my mother''s call when she needed me.


    She was finishing packing away the dishes and was slinging her purse over her shoulder. "Do you think you can handle lunch yourself today? Becky screwed up some papers and I figured I''d go bail her out."


    It took a brief moment for my brain to formulate a response. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. No problem." And that was the best I could. Sometimes I really hated my brain. "You want me to drive you?"


    "Oh, no, that''s fine. I got it." She went to the door and slipped on some flats. Mom them turned to me and waved goodbye before heading out.


    I watched from the living room window as the car disappeared around the corner. I sighed. I almost wished she''d said yes.


    I shook my head and went back to my room. I plopped back down my bed with my phone and went back to surfing the internet and watching videos for the next hour.


    I started feeling hungry, eventually, so I pulled myself to the kitchen to drop some instant noodles into a bowl and poured kettle-boiled water on top. After swallowing my lunch, I made sure to wash and clear the dishes. That was another thing I could do.


    After that was done, I sat on the couch instead of heading back to my room. Having the house to myself was always something I looked forward to, if only because I didn''t feel like anyone could see me. Mom never openly judged me and was actually really kind, but I knew what she saw when she looked at me.


    I didn''t sit there for long before I decided to slip on some crocs and go for a walk in the local park. It wasn''t far off and even I knew that being cooped up all day didn''t do anyone''s mind any good¡ªespecially my own.


    The local park wasn''t much. Just some rolling grass patches and paved concrete trailer. Still, I felt a bit of peace here. After near-an-hour of aimless strolling, I set myself down on an old bench and simply watched. It was a way to forget my own shortcomings and disappear into the scenery.


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    Children were running around and parents were smiling at them. I made sure to bring my eyes back down every now and then to not look like I was staring. I can barely remember a time I was so carefree. And right now didn''t count. Being jobless wasn''t carefree if I was too depressed to do anything with it.


    Eventually, the sun started setting, so I checked my phone in case I missed a message from Mom. I usually kept my phone on silent since I was rarely called anyway.


    And indeed, Mom was back home already, telling me that there was ''no need to rush. I''ll have dinner ready.''


    I shook my head and sighed. That woman was far too kind. And other mother would''ve given me the boot by now and I would''ve deserved it.


    I don''t how long I ruminated, but I caught sight of a little girl on the trail. She was slowly dragging her feet, the hood of her blue windbreaker over her blonde head. I could also make out some wetness around her eyes. Had she been crying? I could admit I was a sucker for tears. Could I ignore her? Probably. But¡ªto my own surprise¡ªnot this time.


    So, what could I do? Call 911? It would be the easiest, but then that would require me to stay here and talk and that would be a whole other issue for my brain.


    Finally, I settled on approaching the girl with my habitual shyness.


    She looked up at me as I took a few breath to prep myself for conversation.


    "A-are you okay?"


    She looked at me with wide, sheened eyes. Then she grabbed my hand.


    "Hey¡ª"


    But she was already pulling me along, out of the park. A billion thoughts ran through my head: What''s going on? What with her? Is something going to happen to me?


    Still, I didn''t have the heart to shake off a little girl, so I let her lead me down the street, around the block, to the edge of a grouping of trees. It wasn''t a forest, but any means, but I knew kids enjoyed playing in it like it was.


    "Uhhh¡­" I tried, but the girl kept pulling me along. What''s her deal?


    Through the trees, over pinecones and pebbles, she led me across and out. She turned and dragged us further down the street till we were walking up to the front door of a simple house among other simple houses¡ªwhite shingling, bland windows, single car garage out front.


    Once we stood at the plain door, the girl looked up at me expectedly. Still awkward, I lifted a finger and pressed the doorbell. In a whoosh, the door swung open and a distraught middle-aged man stood there. He didn''t say anything, but teared up when he saw the girl who held my hand.


    He took her into his arms and both father and daughter started silently sobbing.


    I didn''t say anything myself. The hugging and crying made me want to break down too. But I held on.


    Eventually, after they seemed to have relaxed some, the father turned to me and hoarsely said, "Thank you so much! Please, come in."


    "Oh, ah¡ª"


    "Please."


    I really didn''t want to. I was terrible with people and I wasn''t quite sure what happened anyway. Still, I followed them since I couldn''t bring myself to say no.


    The man went upstairs with his girl after directing me to a couch in the living area.


    After a few moments, he came back down. "Thank you so much," he said as he sat in the loveseat across from me.


    "Oh, no. I just¡­ uh-honestly, she sort of grabbed my hand and led me here."


    He nodded. "She gets scared on her own. She knows her way around, but getting anywhere on her own..."


    I nodded gently. "I get it." I remember being much the same. And in some ways, I still was.


    After a moment of silence he smiled at me. "Thank you, again."


    I blinked. "Y-yes. Of course," I managed. "You''re welcome."


    The man got up and went around to the kitchen. He came back with a hundred-dollar bill.


    "Oh no, I¡ª"


    "Please," he said firmly. "This means a lot to us."


    His eyes left no room for resistance. I sighed and took the bill numbly. Honestly, I could barely believe it was real.


    A few minutes passed then with little words, and the father politely saw me out after I gently refused to stay for dinner.


    When I finally made it home, Mom was a little worried, but she got a strange look when I told her my story. I almost thought it was pride.


    After we ate dinner¡ªover which she went on about Becky¡ªI was back in my room plopped in the bed again.


    I''d packed the hundred dollars in my wallet that I knew I would never use, and was back on my phone, searching for videos.


    One more good deed. Did it matter?