《This great witch's little blog》 The ladies are all over this great witch Today I have returned home from the recent Walpurgis Night. As the greatest witch in all of existence, I naturally had to show the lessers their place, thus I was a bit more... decorated than usual. I wore a pure daemon-skin robe I swindled from a warlock a few decades ago, but I also gave it a bit more bling by coating it in a thin layer of concentrated tears of innocent children. I wore a large triangular hat that was tailored by an arachne from the 6th layer of Hell (literally cost an arm and a leg, that one. Not mine, of course, but still quite funny how it worked out), and a hairclip made of gold transmuted by a philosopher stone. There were other luxuries on me: boots tailored by a Fairy, rings made of bones of wise monarchs, bracelets that brought great luck, an enchanted broom that was once used by Baba Yaga and a whole wardrobe worth of unique accessories. But the centerpiece of my unapologetic showing of opulence was the Mist Ruby I transmuted from true blood of a True Ancestor. Get this, I got three liters worth of the stuff by trading a story.Quite a profitable deal, if I say so myself. It beautifully gleams in the moonlight, and, under the Devil''s Moon on the Walpurgis Night, it was dazzling. The lesser witches were all over me. It also had the unfortunate effect of granting my usually bloodless and fleshless body the scent of succulent blood. Gross. Vampure ladies were also all over me that night. Ugh. Anyway, when I arrived home, my mere presence had attracted a swarm of mosquitoes. Now, a lesser mage would use a charm or a curse to ward off mere insects. Stolen novel; please report. Lesser mages do a lot of things with magic. Great mages like me, however, use magic less often. As you grow older and, hopefully, wiser, you gain a lot of skills and knowledge that render the practice of employing supernatural forces capable of bending reality itself for trivial purposes redundant. So great ones like me pretty much only ever use our magical prowess for the sake of magic. And sometimes to play. But mostly magic. Given this mindset, I naturally did not dispel the buzzing cloud of pests that would ignore me any other night. It is not true that male mosquitoes avoid humans, but it is true that only females bite and drink blood. My Mist Ruby only gave me the scent of succulent blood, my body was still as bloodless and fleshless as ever. That did not stop the ladies of being all over me for the third time that night. By the way, the males did not recognise me as human and left me alone (rude!). While I do not posses the nerve endings necessary to experience pain or itchiness that would usually follow the passionate female attention that I had received, it did not stop me from feeling quite annoyed. When a crowd of thirsty ladies entered my home with me as they clung to my exposed skin in the throes of mad passion, my patience had reached its limits and I slammed the door shut, and let my hands be guided by my ignited desires... Unfortunately, there were too many of them for only two hands, and I quickly began to get overwhelmed. I was thinking of using a curse, like some little child, to rid me of the inconvenience, until I saw the massive red thing made of plastic in the corner. I hadn''t used it in a while, so I had forgotten about it, but so many lonely days had been made to go by faster with its assistance. It was very long and flexible, allowing it to reach places other models just couldn''t, and it was so, so strong when I used it - which was the reason why I chose that model. It would surely help me deal with all these women, was what I thought, so, still entangled by the ladies, I reached for it. Allowing myself a smirk, I connected its cord to the electrical outlet and flicked on the switch. As it roared to life, powerfully vibrating in my hands, my smirk turned into a full-blown witchy cackle. Now these mosquitoes would know the terror of a vacuum cleaner! I chased them around the vestibule, happily taking a great many lives in a very short time span. They tried to hide, they flew to the ceiling, thinking my vacuum cleaner wouldn''t reach them. My vacuum cleaner could reach very far. Hiding in the corners would only get them cornered. Hiding in the curtains only worked in children cartoons. There was no place my vacuum cleaner could not reach. There was no place this great witch couldn''t reach! Heavens love this great witch too much!
But right, you are probably wondering what the Hell this great witch is writing about. And since it is supposed to be a blog, this great witch will try to tell you everything within the boundaries of the NDA this great witch had to sign. Do mortals like you ever wonder why you are even even alive as a species? I''m not trying to disparage anybody, mind you. It''s an honest to infernality question. But to answer it, you probably don''t. And it''s a wonder, since you live in this world that Vampires, Werewolves, lesser Fey, Fallen Ones, lesser demon and daemons and a whole host of other supernatural beings inhabit. Humanity for its whole history has tethered on the brink of extinction thanks to a freak accident and has never really had any means to somehow defend themselves. Um, sure there have been some very remarkable mages, like this great witch, but it is more of an exception than a rule. Besides, there is no human mage that relies on their own power. My magical abilities, for example, have all been carefully traded and exchanged and sometimes gifted by forces of the other side, such as Fairies or Devils or many others. So humanity''s magical prosperity depends entirely on the will of the other side. Same can be said for literally any other human mage So, why the Hell are we still alive as a species? I cannot tell you the specifics, but let''s say some very old agreements have rather steep stipulations that we have to thank for our peace and your ignorance. So when a freak accident does occur, a lot of forces extend their hands, tentacles and other alternatives to help. Like this time. A rather interesting outsider has landed on this planet and it accidentally led to a massive failure of all ecological systems. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. The local forces all convened and gathered a diplomatic delegation to try and resolve the issue and return everything to a state of normalcy. This great witch was part of this delegation and we were able to resolve the existing problem in just a hundred days (admittedly, Earth''s orbit was slightly nudged, so the length of a day continued to vary for a while but it''s not that important). Unfortunately, this hundred days was enough for anything non-supernatural to go completely extinct, and there was little we could do about it. But Heaven, Hell and the Fey Realm all stepped up and extended their help in rewinding time back, and then we had to coordinate with the interesting outsider to avoid a repeat of the previous freak accident. it''s been roughly a day since was this great witch able to finally rest her wings. When I arrived back home, the heavens decided to congratulate this great witch on a work well done. When I was still a mortal - and I think it was up to some odd one and a half thousand years ago - this great witch really liked how nature after the rain looked. Not only did it smell very fresh, but the vibrant colors of nature as they basked under the sunlight looked particularly dramatic and stirred something inside my heart. Even after I exchanged all of my flesh to a gluttonous dragon for a brand immortality and eternal youth that I liked, this great witch still very much enjoyed this view. Regardless, whether in the middle of a valley, or in the ocean, nature after the rain, and especially after a storm, always has resonated with me. Especially when it happed right after I myself has weathered a (metaphorical) storm. So imagine my surprise when the place I was living was hit with a drencher as soon as I arrived! The very moment I step off my newly modified flying vacuum cleaner, a veritable downpour just burst from the skies! Right on my triangular hat! Imagine that! Anyway, I hurry back home because even if everything on or in me is water-resistant, I still didn''t quite enjoy this feeling of rain, and as soon as I get under the roof of the porch, the rain stops, as if somebody hit a light switch. Well, I take sit on a chair and take out a tea set on the table, brew some tea and enjoy the view for a few minutes, and then it starts raining again! And stops after some ten minutes. Then begins again. It continued to go on and off for the whole day until the Sun set ''neath the horison. I wasn''t planning on going anywhere outside, and I didn''t mind the view that came on and off, but there is a saying among mortals that too much of a good thing is bad. The heavens didn''t seem to understand it, no matter how much I shouted at them. Really, overenthusiasm is no good! The heavens really love this great witch too much! This great witch never works on a vacation! Hello, everyone! This time it''s been roughly a day, no time-travelling shenanigans! Actually, there hasn''t been anything of significance going on in my life this day. Why? Because this great witch is on a vacation! I have been receiving much correspondence from clients both old and new, and several times some local supernatural entities tried to scry my location (heh, good luck with that), but none of it matters because I completely ignore everything work-related when on vacation on principle. Even if the world comes crashing down again, this great witch will not move until she is rested. The world can wait. After all, regardless of their scale or kind, crises come and go and at my age you learn to simply go along regardless of what happens. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. If you keep going hysterical over every inconvenience it''s going to drive you crazy eventually. So this level of cool-headedness is basically a requirement for an immortal human. This great witch has spent this whole day drinking tea. I don''t have any organs such as kidneys, liver, bladder to process it anymore nor is it necessary for me, but I do love the ambience of drinking tea on the porch and looking at blooming nature. I would also take out a book to read but at this stage in life reading books is not something I particularly enjoy doing, so just staring at the valley outside my house is good enough. It was a bit annoying to have my phone ringing off constantly though, so I chucked it into the valley. When it began to get dark, this great witch enjoyed the sunset and took the tea set back into my house. My fingers were twitching a bit as it grew dark because I wanted to conduct a small ritual - something of an occupational disease - but I fought this desire off and went to sleep instead. After receiving several prophetic dreams, this witch woke up, refreshed her rituals preventing prophetic dreams and was going to bed again, but then remembered this blog and decided to write about this day. Good night. This great witch is very, very sad Story-chan died! Not only is her story gone, her profile on Royal Road is gone too! It''s a tragedy! I found a new profile and a story with her but the single chapter there looks a lot like an epilogue! A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. I feel very, very devastated. Honestly, I was going to cut my vacation short because I divined that the world is going to be destroyed yet again if I don''t hurry up and do something, but is it even worth saving it now that Story-chan is gone? I''ll miss the Best Story on Royal Road dearly. I''ll go sulk somewhere in the corner for now. Peace! Peace! This great witch loves her friends!
After living so long, and taking my main line of work into account, I would naturally make some good friends. And it''s only expected that not all of them would be immortal like this great witch. My first great friend was Nephele. She was a fellow student at the Alexandrian Academy for Infernal Lawyers. You have to understand that the position of women in what is nowadays called the Ancient Macedon was not very good. It wasn''t awful, mind you, one could still amass considerable influence - but only within certain boundaries. The establishment of the Alexandrian Academy for Infernal Lawyers added another avenue for women to grow. One I did not hesitate to pursue. But since it was such a new avenue, it was inevitable for women who pursued this path to be somewhat discriminated against. And it was under these conditions that my friendship with Nephele bloomed. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. Nephele was an outstanding sorceress. I respected her a lot. She just chose the wrong profession. Sorcerers differ from witches in the way the accrue power. When witches deal and negotiate most kinds of goods, sorcerers mostly trade their own services. They are a kind of mercenary in the magical world. Being a mercenary is a dangerous job. In comparison to being a sorcerer, being a mercenary is like herding cattle. Thankfully, she didn''t make any irredemeable mistakes and I was able to negotiate for her afterlife to be spent in the Elysium fields. I visit her from time to time. Remember the true blood of a True Ancestor I talked about in the first blog post? I didn''t spend all of it on a Mist Ruby. The rest of the blood I spent on enchanting a cloak with an aura of death. Using this cloak allows me to travel the river Styx unnoticed. So I visited Nephele while wearing it. She was quite happy to see me again. We spent the time running around the green meadows which know no winter, and sat on the cliffs overlooking the mighty Ocean. I have tasted the honey-sweet fruit that the grain-bearing earth has gifted us and we laughed and played until it was time for me to go back. She walked me all the way back to the river Styx and we tearfully parted. When I came back, I felt refreshed and full of life. Thus, ended my vacation. Compassion overflows within this great witch!
...This great witch solved the problem. Sort of. Kind of. This great witch did. The moment this great witch ended her vacation, she felt overflowing compassion for all sentient beings and left towards the source of the problem immediately! This great witch fought tooth and nail to save this world, fueled by her unending love for all life! This great witch debated like there was no tomorrow (and in the context of the problem, the might not have been one!) And this great witch prevented the worst outcome! Well... most of the worst outcome. Um, you see, it was a bit of a time-sensitive issue back there and while I was wallowing in despair at the death of Story-chan, while I was frolicking in the bountiful fields of Elysium, while I was doing all that, um... we lost Antarctica. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Teehee~ Not forever, mind you! I''ll... I''ll have to work overtime to return it. I''ll have to hit the archives (shudder), review the relevant documentation and send several appeals to various entities... Which may or may not take a while. Some entities work on a schedule and if I don''t find the needed data until tomorrow, I''ll have to wait a few years... until the stars align this way again. But don''t you worry your transient little mortal heads about it! We will be providing you with a first class illusion of Antractica until I return it in its place! You won''t even know it''s gone! I hope. But for now I''ll dig into the Archives. Which is a great act of sacrifice born out of my great compassion. Y''all better be grateful! Because it''s THE ARCHIVES. I kind of regret having principles right now. I could be doing a number of other things rather than visiting The Archives. Wish me luck! Can I not go? N-no, I must! We need Antarctica, and only I can get it back! But do we really need Antarctica that much- I get it, I get, fine. Let''s just get it over with. Behold the boundless wisdom of this great witch! So you guys can expect to have your favourite Antarctica return soon! Soon enough at least. But after toughing it out so much at the dreaded A???r???c???h???i???v???e???s???, I had to go and survive several hours at the offices of the entities. Did you guys know many otherworldly entities have bureucratic establishments that serve as lines of communication between them and our world? Now you do. And it was awful to have to tough it out with getting all the necessary forms and signatures to send my appeals. At some point I wanted to leave in rage at having to hand yet another form to yet another secretary of yet another bureucrat, but this great witch''s wisdom is as vast as the embrace of Mother Earth herself, so this great witch has endured. And this great witch has done her work in time! After doing all that, I was looking forward to going home and having a deep deep power nap that would last at least 72 hours, but I met an unexpected acquiantance on the way back. I met Nephele''s father. Who I was pretty certain was supposed to have died thousands of years ago as he was an ordinary mortal, but when you are a great witch like me, you learn to take unexpected occurences in stride. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. He gifted me a little ba- bamby lamb as a gift which was pretty nice because I was quite hungry, and I had to entertain him with conversation as we walked. He now served some Lord of His Majesty Hades'' Realm and ran errands on this side. Because he had a relatively lofty position (he didn''t say it but I could feel this opinion oozing off of him) he couldn''t help but talk up a bunch about magic in front of this great witch and because he was, at the end of the day, an ordinary mortal, all of his talk was misinformed nonsense that was grating to the ears and lacked even a lick of common sense and logic. Because this great witch is wise as the heavens, she did not point out the flaws in this poor old man''s speech and played along. After parting with the old man, this great witch went on her way home again. But then this great witch''s phone rang. A premonitary sense for incoming trouble that this great witch has cultivated over her long life had caused me to almost throw the ringing phone against the concrete wall of the metro station like the signal of omen it was, but the boundless wisdom like the all-encompassing Cosmos made this great witch stay her hand and accept the call. Like the ringling bells of Hell, the voice on the other side of the line was tempting and alluring, yet, same as the accursed bells, it spelled only suffering to those inclined to hear it. It was a call from a secretary of Hell, notifying me that the incoming hearing over the case of ownership of Antarctica was to be scheduled tomorrow. As a great witch, I am pretty immune to bizarre and illogical occurences, yet how the awful bureucratic machine has managed to act so fast has struck even me dumb for a moment. But it also meant my promised nap would not come. I had to review the case materials and prepare for the next day. At last, this great witch had arrived home, drank a cup of tea on the porch and wrote this blog. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. No technology can stump this great witch!
You would think that an ancient witch like me would be able to solve that problem immediately, and I indeed have several magical ways to imprint my presence upon the Internet. I''d never use them though because I am not a lesser mage who''d rely on magic to solve even the least of inconveniences. Pro tip: when something can be solved without magic, do it without magic. Unless you are in the mood to sell your soul to Hell then my office is always ready to welcome you we arrange only the best deals come to us and you will leave satisfied! But otherwise, don''t use magic if you can help it. Anyway, this great witch spent most of the evening (the night I was too busy with rituals) and most of today too fixing the router. This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it Computing technology is somewhat new, especially for someone like me, for whom 50 years ago is about as long ago as last week, but it''s not like humanity has never come up with such toys before. They usually end up destroying themselves and we have to restart humanity again though. I''ve been voting for forcing humanity to stay at the pre-Bronze age to stop it from repeating over and over, and I will surely push my case this time around too, but I digress. The point is, I have a surprising amount of competence when it comes to understanding electronics. Of course, the schematics and such are different across civilizations, but the underlying principles are all the same. So solving the Internet problem was no issue. No technology can stump this great witch! My router now weeps bloody tears at night however, and I still can''t understand what is causing it. Truly bizarre. Oh well. It''s not like it''s that big of a problem. The blood tastes quite good, so I''ll consider it a feature. It doesn''t seem to cause any problems for the traffic anyway. I suffer unending pain please end me Some wisdom from this great witch!
And it''s not like I like playing computer games! Most of the mechanics offered there are primitive, their ways of keeping the player''s attention are boring and the stories are not worth anything when you take into account this great witch''s own experiences! I honestly am not sure why I did it. I guess I was too exhilarated. I myself ate up the weird stereotype about witches and old people not being good with technology and felt special. I talked with younger witches and they are doing fine with their computers. An old acquiantance of mine even runs a site on the dark web offering her witchy services - which is stupid. A truly desperate soul will find their witch on their own in the real world! And it is the truly desperate that we need, not the lazy or the greedy. The lazy and greedy will only give their souls as they endlessly feed their warped desires, but the truly desperate will offer their bleeding and still beating heart on a silver platter and their soul for a mere chance, a hope! Their despair is not something the common mook will be able to offer! But I am getting off topic here. I even know why. I am a bit shy to say it, but- I, I feel ashamed of myself for experiencing such a lapse in judgement. It''s shameful for someone of my experiences to get caught up in useless and harmful things like "stereotypes" or "common sense" or what have you. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I am old and wise enough to make my own judgements and think for myself. I became a witch for the sake of freedom (and because witches are awesome) and not thinking on my own is acting directly against my main and, perhaps, only motivation (and it is not awesome). So, the lesson this great wise and awesome witch imparts to ye, is to think for yourself. So when I stopped playing with these stupid games, this great witch went out for a stroll. I have never described my estate to you, have I? This witch loves nature. The modern not all-encompassing definition of it, that is. Deep forests that speak of tranquility, where trees as ancient as this great witch sway together with regal poise, and where light barely reaches the ground. Valleys that seem to go on forever, nari a tree or a soul in sight, the kinds that look bafflingly flat as if some giant from above has ironed the ground with an occasional river breaking its monotony by leisurely flowing somewhere into distant hills. Lakes that look like liquid crystals embedded into earth, with water so clear that they make you feel like you can reach their bottom by stretching your arm down. And hills covered in emerald green that looks like the soft fur of a slumbering beast with an occassional bush struggling upwards. So when this great witch was choosing where to build her manor, she found a place that had it all. I used to have a home in a barbaric region that you people nowadays call France, but during what is nowadays called the medieval times I encountered some very unpleasant servants of He Who is Not to be Named, so this great witch chose to find a better place for herself. I will naturally not tell you its exact physical location. But suffice to say, this place has it all. This witch can go on a stroll and see the hills, the mountains, the valleys and the forests and a beautiful lake close by. I warded this place carefully so that it will never be found nor affected by any mundane and most supernatural effects, so this place now belongs solely to this great witch. And the local nature spirits. The dryads are especially nice neighbours and there is a mischiveous nymph living in the river close by who is a wonderful play partner. The old spirit (by even my standards) residing in the lake treats me like he''s my grandfather so I like him a lot too. Anyway, this witch does enjoy a good stroll on her demesne when she needs to reflect ot unwind. Camping out with this great witch I talked about how this demesne of mine is not mine alone in the previous blog post. I share it with the spirits of the land. I mentioned dryads and nymphs and the old gramps in the lake, but there are dozens of spirits inhabiting my territory. Wolf, deer, rabbit spirits, the ancestral spirits of some human tribes that have lived here very long ago, the spirits of fire and the sylphs and even the fey - though only the lesser kind - as well as many many more. So I am never really alone when I camp out. Although to an uninitiated, it would certainly seem like I am. I have talked about how great mages like me never ever use magic for purposes unrelated to magic itself, haven''t I? But what about magical beings, not mages? What about spirits, for example? Actually, I don''t think I worded it correctly. There are spirits in just about anything, and they are just about everywhere. So it isn''t quite right to call them "magical", or "supernatural" - just because mundane and blind sapient creatures are not capable of perceiving and interacting with them, it doesn''t make them any more supernatural than the flow of water from high to low places is. But they are capable of changing the local spacetime rules of causality in their own ways, which qualifies as a supernatural ability. And anything possessing supernatural abilities should be supernatural. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. Anyway, the ancient and unresolves debate about classification of nature spirits is not important, what is important is that they also will not bend rules of reality for no strong reason. So when I say "dryad", do not picture a well-endowed green-skinned woman that came out of a Japanese cartoon. Actually, even when I don''t say "dryad" do not picture it. Like ever. Ugh. Anyway, when I say "dryad", think a comforting presence in the silence of the forest that is interrupted by the occassional swaying branch. When I say "playful nymph", think the mischievous droplets of water from a river or a stream as it rushes past you. The regal and solemn, but also the deep and insightful patience of the still lake is the spirit of it. When you take the time to listen to its silence, it will say you much more than any amount of words ever could. The spirits are everywhere and they will give you company and love and caring as long as you only notice them. But they will not bend reality to materialise a higher primate body (that really evolved from a pig) to have a human talk with you. I felt like I needed to clear it up with yous all, since I noticed where I was posting this blog. After all, there was this guy who compared my real life experiences that I am writing here with your mortal pulp fiction fantasies in the comment section. So I felt it only proper to clear up any misconceptions before they even occur. But this great witch does enjoy camping out. I mostly do it within my domain, a rogue witch squatting in your local forest could be taken as bad news and I do not wish to repeat that one incident back in 10th century France. Still, what could beat lying on the soft ground covered with pins of the coniferous trees, seeing the endless skies above you, breathing in the freshest air and letting oneself just be free and unfettered, if even for a few short hours? Mayhap only hiking up the mountains and coming across a clear stream of water hidden in a naturally occuring cave, and look down upon the boundless expanse of flat terrains intermingling with short hills and mountain ranges. Or possibly taking a boat to the middle of a calm lake and fishing as the winds gently rock you across the crystal waves. Then there is also meeting the Mother Night as she opens her treasured canvas with countless stars whimsically scattered all over. In other words - what could compare with this freedom? This great witch in her office We own the entire thirteenth floor of a certain skyscraper where prior to acquisition 2 suicides occured. It was a wonderful and thoughtful gift from the governor that bought him another win during election season back then. I arrive at about 3 am. There is a special hidden place where we park our brooms and carpets and such. I park my newly enchanted vacuum cleaner there and enter the lobby. The dwarf that works as the concierge is, in fact, a lesser imp we have subcontracted for security. I habitually bring him breakfast - rotten heads glazed in tar. For mortals it''s just hamburgers and coffee. I take the elevator. The button for the thirteenth is not present and you have to have a key that will open a compartment where such a button will be present. When I arrive at the floor, I am greeted with the hazardous smell of burning herbs, countless jingles of talismans, cawing of familiars and literal hordes of enslaved ghosts running about on the errands. There are only four witches in the general area with the ghosts. Each has two landmines in their hands and talking- no, yelling - into both at the same time. They are junior witches who have newly joined the coven. I naturally know all their true names but I won''t tell them here. I stay in place for a few seconds and take in the delectable air of overworked desperation that seeps out from the subjugated ghosts and narrow in on the four witches. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. They look exhausted. Unlike me, they have mortal fleshy bodies, and those look like someone ran them in the washing machine. Usually it is not as hectic, we don''t accept many contracts, going for quality over quantity. A little listening reveals that it''s about preparations for the coming of Prince Lucifer; it got all the dark and unclean things here jittery so they all suddenly need a whole bunch of things prepared all of a sudden. The arrival of That One was foretold dozens of years ago. They could prepare a little earlier than now. But oh well. The usual. I leave the witches be and go to my office. I see one sneakily conjures up a sandwitch as I walk past her. Internally, I cringe and make an internal note to tell them to transfer her somewhere else so that I will not have to see this trash when I walk towards my office next time. Witches that use magic with such thoughtlessness are destined for Hell. I purge her name from my memory because she is not worth being remembered. I enter my office and close the door to it. I have no appointments for the next six hours so I spend this time surfing the Internet on the PC here. The thoughts of that stupid witch keep crossing my mind. Who allowed that garbage into the coven?! I check. It''s Sabrina. Hmm. Sabrina is a witch I personally trained back then. She is a good witch, the kind that will continue doing wicked deeds even after two thousand years in the future. She would not let such rubble here. I think a bit harder and order a ghost to bring me the garbage''s records from HR and Sabrina. After reading them I realise that garbage-chan is caught up in a very hideous scheme by my lovely little junior. You take your eyes off of them for a few short years and they grow to become evil traitourous backstabbing wenches. I am so proud. My mood lifted, I go back to playing on the PC. This great witch is living a “semi-retired” life But it''s true! Back when I was still active, I had to deal with several crises at the same time that would put the recent interesting outsider and Antarctica incidents to shame. I would buy and trade souls wholesale - entire generations and cultures. I will probably trigger someone, but some kinds of people are born cursed (and guess who is responsible for it?) Well, the Justice Department of the Heavenly Host has overruled this particular decision some time ago, but the point still stands! The point being, this great witch is currently living a semi-retired life. Even if it may not seem like it at first glance. "But, oh amazing and wonderful great witch, we beseech your endless wisdom, who resolves the incidents that crop up nowadays, if not you?", some will ask. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. The thing about immortality, is that it''s not very hard to achieve. The other side used to give it out like candies - I mean, it''s not difficult for them to bend reality a little and make some creatures incapable of dying. Well, there is a hard limit of how many such entities a Universe can support before reality is way too bent out of shape, and nowadays it''s given out much rarer, still, the number of already existing ones is not insignificant. But even when you ignore true immortality - one that is unshakeable on a fundamental metaphysical level, there are false immortals too - like Vampires and ghosts and such, who can be tricked into death but rarely are. So the population of immortal mages, as slowly growing as it is, never declines, which means that there are a few more creatures capable of dealing with crises than back when I was young. And, unlike mortals, we have the foresight to mostly not have our decisions come back to bite us a few short years down the line - nor do we create problems out of nowhere. So the number and scale of the problems that arise nowadays is about the same as it was when I was young. Thus, this witch can afford a bit of leasure. A bit is not a lot, however. I still have ways to go before I can change "semi-retired" to "retired" in the blog description. This great witch got an earful from her Boss! The Heavenly Host - that''s who. I mentioned them before, I think. Let''s take a deeper look at what they are. We all know the Big Man Upstairs. Who''s not really a man, nor does that Entity have a specific physical location relative to our spacetime. That Entity certainly exists, and pays attention in some ways, however. This great witch has actually met That Entity once. It was terrifying. Somebody tried to canonise this great witch as a prophet but we have firmly removed that particular fiasco from history. Anyway, That Entity is not somebody we usually have to concern ourself with. For better or worse, That Entity''s representative force is the Heavenly Host. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Au contraire to the popular belief, Hell is not a competitor, nor an enemy to Them. They are a subsidiary company that manages certain things. Like our world. Most of the time, Hell is the supernatural entity representing the will of the Heavenly Host in our Universe. Rarely do we have to deal with the Heavenly Host directly. Rarely is not never. His Majesty Prince Lucifer (you may have heard of him) is coming along to Earth for a few days, and it just so happened that because of it, the Heavenly Host decided to send someone of sufficient rank in with a surprise visit. This great witch has always been somewhat of a freelancer not associated with any supernatural force in particular, which allowed this great witch a great deal of flexibility - but everything can be put in relative terms. At the end of the day, even this great witch will have to follow if the Heavenly Host commands. And it never makes for a pretty picture when subordinates of the Heavenly Host have long term dealings with Pagan Gods. It''s not illegal per se - but it''s verily frowned upon. Anyways, this great witch got an earful. And she also will have to go for a few days on a mission. Which is a shame, there was something I really, really wanted to see with my own eyes as it plays out. Oh, I know. I''ll get someone to write about it in my blog and read it later. Actually, I have an even better idea! I will get the parties concerned to write about things from their perspective, hahaha. side: Nameless junior witch, first report My name is [unworthy of being mentioned], but considering how the great witch has changed miss [redacted] name to Sabrina in the blog, my name will likely be changed also to some other name when this chapter will be published. I only hope this will not be the awful moniker the great witch has given me! Please! I am 22 years old and I come from an average middle-class family from [city]. I only recently discovered for myself that magic is real, and I have been a witch for just under a year. And I really like being a witch at the Truthful Witch''s coven. The other junior witches I work with here are very friendly and, although the working hours are not very regular, the work is very rewarding and interesting. I am very grateful to the coven, and, especially, the great Truthful Witch for allowing me the chance to work here. The Truthful Witch is a wonderful and kind and very understanding witch, whom I will forever hold in high regard. Although she acts like she doesn''t care, she has the most tender heart. She has saved this world on so many occassions that we all can say that we are only alive thanks to that great witch. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. I am sure that it was thanks to her being so compassionate that she wrote about senior [Sabrina] brewing conspiracy against me in her blog when she did not have to. I am still unclear what that conspiracy means, but I will do my best to uncover it! I am sure that the great witch has arranged this as a trial for me and didn''t actually mean to leave me up to my fate! I am firm in belief that me finding that blog was not a coincidence! On that note I have to thank Her Majesty the Vampire Queen for requesting that chapter of the great witch. You may have possibly saved my life. Thank you, truly. And I know it may be presumptious, but can you further lend some assistance? I have tried to reach out to the potential supernatural entities that the great witch has kept in contact on the websites she published her blog at, but it seems that the decree the great witch has left on her latest blog post disallows me to access anything on those websites. The only window through witch I am allowed to communicate with them are through these chapters. So I shamelessly beg anyone capable of helping me out of this predicament in any way to do so. I am located at [redacred], my phone number is [redacred], my home address is [redacred], my mail address is [redacted], the address of our coven is [redacted]. I hope that at least some of you will lend at least a tiny bit of assistance in any way you can! Y-you d-don''t have to do anything as troublesome as personally finding [Sabrina] and forcing her to stop (even if it would be very very appreciated) Even if you just leave a comment with an encouragement, maybe the great witch will read them and decide to stop whatever conspiracy I am caught up in. Please, save me. I''m scared. side: Senior witch Sabrina, first report I am very honored and excited to partake in the creation of my Mentor''s online blog. I apologise in advance if my narration may bore some of the audience. It is unfortunate, but as a person of a generation that came before the Internet was a thing, I find my knowledge of the customary practices when making an "online blog post" severely lacking. I shall begin with a self-introduction: My name is [Sabrina], a senior witch at the coven headed by none other than [redacted], the Truthful Witch, who also happens to be my most respected Mentor. I have been a witch since the middle of the 60s of the previous century, and still I require much guidance by Her. It came as a pleasant surprise to me when She has told me to write an "online blog post" for Her "blog", but whatever confusion that I may have harboured towards such a task evaporated when I found out that my mentee has received a similar one. It is expected that nothing could escape the watchful and insightful eye of my Mentor and, while I am sure she can easily predict the following course of events, as I understand, I am expected to write on the progress I have made along my plans for my mentee. [undeserving of a name] is a very young witch. She is bright, pure-hearted, naive and gullible but her heart is in the right place. While she makes a lot of amateurish mistakes, she is truly a diamond in the rough. Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. She possesses a lot of talent for witchcraft and, with the right guidance, she could achieve very impressive heights. I have mentored her for only slightly under a year but she is already deserving the title of a witch - junior she may be. She is my pride and joy I intend to sacrifice her to the Devil as a meeting gift. You see, in our line of work, sincerity and understanding of traditions are most appreciated qualities. A witch that is insincere in her actions is not worth respect nor trust. A witch that forgets her roots is not deserving of her life. The traditional practice of a witch in the olden times was leading good souls astray. While this is no longer something most witches have to do nowadays, the practice is still verily appreciated with our partners on the Other Side. Nothing will quite smooth a deal with a demon than a child taught badly. And nothing will show one''s sincerity than a sacrifice of one''s loved ones. The only loved ones I have are my Mentor and [undeserving of a name]. Quite obviously, I cannot sacrifice my Mentor, so [undeserving of a name] has drawn the short straw. I am sure she would understand me if she were older. The coming of His Majesty Prince Lucifer is a very grand event in the supernatural circles of Earth. For some it will be their worst nightmare. It may become an opportunity for others. It is not every day one has the chance for a direct audience with the Most August One, much less present them with a sincere and hearfelt meeting gift Even someone of esteemed standing like my Mentor has prepared for this chance with extra care. It is only natural that I would do my due diligence. My plans would proceed more smoothly if I could employ magic for help, but contaminating the gift with the power of other Entities would not be seen sincere and I do not have the same wide arsenal of magical powers belonging solely to myself like my most esteemed Mentor. Thus, I have to manipulate [undeserving of a name] using a series of lies, half-truths and misdirections and by pandering to her flaws, leading her to the destination I have prepared. In the following "blog posts", I will elaborate on the various means I will use to achieve my goal. side: Senior witch Sabrina, second report. Although the primary focus of these "online blog posts" should be my plans for [undeserving of a name], they are not the primary focus of my life. While it indubitably takes a high place among my priorities, as a senior witch at the great witch''s coven, there are many projects where my oversight is required. The execution of my plans, thus, takes the form of a chain of directives I pass along to my subordinates and [undeserving of a name] that should lead my mentee towards an outcome I desire. This way of action, of course, carries a certain risk of things getting out of control. For example, I have noticed an uncharacteristic change of activities from [undeserving of a name]. She seems to, according to the reports, have drastically reduced her relying on magic for trivial purposes since yesterday. Considering the stressful environment of the office and her own busy schedule, she should have been relying on magic more than usual, rather than less. I can see two possible reasons why it happened. 1) another junior witch has enlightened [undeserving of a name] to the ideas of rational spending and responsibility or, at least, to the general dislike among senior witches towards frivolous acts of magic. With the office environment and culture being the way it is, it seems unlikely that a selfish witch would go out of her way to warn my mentee. But should this assumption turn out to be correct, I expect [undeserving of a name] to revert to her usual ways soon, even if she becomes more discreet. In fact, this is the best scenario because once she reverts to her ways, I expect her to experience a rebound and become even more reckless. 2) A senior witch has admonished [undeserving of a name], or otherwise warned her about the dangers of frivolous magic. This scenario is much more likely and is one of several I will have to prepare for. It''s possible that it was a coincidence and a senior witch has simply admonished my [undeserving of a name] out of sheer irritation - which would not be too terrible and cause, at worst, [undeserving of a name] to use magic at home during her private time. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. But it is also not unlikely that with an admonishment, [underserving of a name] has received a warning of dangers of such acts. In this case I will have to mislead [undeserving of a name] personally. Thankfully, this should not be hard as long as she still trusts me. I will only need to clear up the space in my schedule for it and arrange for her to visit me or for me to visit her in an inconspicuous manner. 3) Worst case scenario - a senior witch has warned [undeserving of a name] of my plans. This is a scenario I cannot call unlikely. While I have been discreet about my actions, to a discerning senior witch it would prove effortless to see the intent behind them should they pay attention. As it is an important time, few witches would go out of their way to scrutinise their colleagues but for those who have already completed their preparations it would not be impossible to find out and make a warning. There are three most likely culprits, and for each case I will have to act differently. First and most likely culprit is my Mentor. She has already shown her awareness of my plans by assigning me and [undeserving of a name] the task of writing "blog posts". If it is indeed Her, then the extent of information [undeserving of a name] received would be minimal - both due to my Mentor''s likely distaste for my mentee''s habits and to satisfy Her tastes by watching my mentee''s state of helplessness as she inevitably moves towards her impending doom. It would implicate my plans and create a possibility of failure, but it is the mildest of the three possibilities. The second most likely culprit is the deputy leader of the coven, Her Ladyship [redacted]. While the motive of my Mentor would be nothing more than to engage in some ill-natured fun, Lady [redacted] would want to get herself a mentee like [undeserving of a name]. I have concealed my [undeserving of a name] excelency and Lady [redacted] does not visit our coven branch often, but considering the numerous means That Lady has access to, I would not find it surprising if she had somehow found [undeserving of a name], took a liking to her and chose to earn her trust and favour in this way. She will not disclose everything, nor will she be generous with help, however. She will use her knowledge as a leverage to hold power over [undeserving of a name] and will be open to negotiations with me. The last and the least likely culprit on this list is myself. While I have taken care to conceal my designs from my mentee, it is not impossible that she has still found flaws in my act which caused her to be put on edge and act with caution. This would imply either fundamental problems with me or me underestimating my mentee''s intelectual faculties and sensitivity. Regardless of which of my assumptions is true, I will have to prepare accordingly. side: Nameless junior witch, second report Hello again, everybody! It''s me, [undeserving of a name]! I am not sure how many of you reached out to help me, but thanks to anybody who did! And to those who didn''t... It''s your choice and I know you probably just don''t know me and don''t take this seriously, but this is a real life on the line here... I''m not telling you have to, but it would be very nice of you to do it! I''d be very thankful! But I was told to write a report about my days at the coven here, so let''s get to it~! I have decided to approach my predicament seriously! I very much hope that this is all a big misunderstanding or a prank, so I hope I won''t hurt anybody''s feelings when I choose to treat it as real! So, miss [Sabrina], please don''t hate me if it''s all a big misunderstanding! In any case, I have cut down on trivial uses of magic today. I tried to completely eliminate it, but several times I did it unconsciously, before as much as thinking about it. I promise that I will stop doing it completely as soon as possible! Also, since I have decided to treat the great witch''s warning in her blog as real, I have spent the entire day mulling over what to do. I only know that there is some kind of conspiracy against me at play, and I know it is miss [Sabrina] who is the culprit. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. I would talk to another senior witch or I would talk to miss [Sabrina] herself about it face to face, but with only this much to go on, I can''t. Ah, if only the great witch was present! But I reflected on where the traps may lay, and I have decided to consult with my fellow junior witches during lunch break! I do not believe that miss [Sabrina] would be able to bring everyone under her influence, otherwise she would not need plot against me, and the junior witches I have consulted were subordinate to other senior witches in our office. Since I talked with several of them, I am fairly certain my findings are not fake! The questions I asked were rather innocent and concerned with trivial usage of magic in the office and at home, their typical jobs and customers, how they became witches and where and how to learn further knowledge on witchcraft and so on. Most of the answers were the same as I knew them, but there were a few surprises: 1) it was universally considered a bad practice to use magic for trivial purposes and, although not [iilegal], it''s greatly frowned upon. I personally was never taught that. 2) other junior witches can''t help but use magic for trivial purposes at home for some innocent indulgences, but they do it with a lot more responsibly than me. I''ve always had about the same attitude towards it as to eating snacks. I promise to change though! 3) when asked about senior witches flying on brooms all the time, prolonging their youth and doing other miracles, they said that for the seniors it''s free because they have [supernatural powers] that belong solely to them. Having [supernatural powers] is a major element in distinguishing senior from juniors, along with some other requirements. I never even knew you could have your own [supernatural powers], I thought you simply [traded for favours]! 4) the way to grow for junior witches is learning more [lore], so that we can [receive and service a larger variety of customers and deals] and the primary place to do it is in the [office library] Which always felt like it was implied but it was still nice to know it was true regardless! I will still check the [office library] with another junior witch to crossreference my knowledge sometime soon. I would''ve liked to do it immediately, but in the current busy atmosphere it is hard to convince anyone! side: Nameless junior witch, third report Miss [Sabrina] talked with me today. I don''t know if she suspects that I am aware of her plans, or if she is just checking up on her progress, but talking with her was terrifying! I felt like I was walking on a tightrope above a deep chasm! I did my best to act the part of a clueless victim and even tried to get more information out of her, but I don''t know how successful I was. I''m so scared. Whoever can, please, please save me! I don''t know how much longer I can take it! Please! I''m desperate here. [redacted repeating content] But enough moping! I decided to take matters into my own hands! First, I will act on conjectures that I have no way to prove but feel to make the most sense to me: 1) [Sabrina] wants to obtain my soul. In the last report I mentioned how she wants something immaterial from me, and after looking through the records from the [office library], the soul is the only thing that makes sense for her to want to obtain because [redacted] which no other immaterial quality possesses. I am not sure if it''s a hideous enough a scheme for the great witch to call it that, however. The great witch herself has admited to have damned entire cultures so, surely, a small little witch like me is not a big enough tragedy. But if I adopt this reasoning, no amount of torture on top of already expected literal eternal damnation is enough. I will just assume that hideousness of a scheme cannot be measured by comparing numbers. Or what is hideous when done by [Sabrina] is perfectly acceptable or even commendable when done by the great witch. 2) [Sabrina] cannot force me to give my soul to her (yet) Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. I have worked in the coven for less than a year and I know for certain that if a witch wants something and can get it by force, she will. The [office library] supports my conjecture if what she wants is my soul. To obtain it, one needs [consent] of the donor. This requirement can be overrriden through a variety of ways - which I assume how she plans to get my soul. She cannot do it yet. 3) [Sabrina] plans are related to the coming of [His Majesty Prince] Lucifer. Look at me, talking about the literal Devil coming to Earth like it''s normal. The me from a year ago would think I''d gone crazy! But this one I imagine because it just fits so perfectly. What can be worse than an eternity in Hell? When you are damned by the Devil himself! 4) [Sabrina] acts alone (in the sense of lacking support of other senior witches) and in secret (from other senior witches). Because even the great witch, the mentor of [Sabrina], found out through a coincidence. If she informed someone else of the plan but did not take it to the great witch, it would be disrespectful towards the great witch. Taking it all into consideration, how would I go about breaking through the plans of [Sabrina]? The first idea that comes to mind is seeking help from someone of the same level. But these past few days have taught me that no witch would be willing to help me out for no reason, even if I manage to convince them. Maybe they will directly join [Sabrina] to share in the benefits, or maybe they will extort her for something of value or even try to replace [Sabrina] with themselves in her role - but they will not act to save my life and soul. I do not have the same value [Sabrina] could offer them and witches pursue profits above all. Then maybe I could get some other being on my side. I could consort with a demon, or some deity. I might, but only when the situation is dire enough because doing so sounds like exchanging one problem for another, bigger, more dangerous problem. But, surely, there must be some way to prevent things like this from happening, right? Otherwise [Sabrina] wouldn''t hide her plans. But no. I have consulted the [legal] rules and even if [Sabrina] does have plans for my soul, I do not have any [legal] protections against her getting it. And even if I had some [laws] on my side, it would be effortless for an experienced witch like [Sabrina] to circumvent them. I assume she hides her plans to hog all profits to herself or something. If the rules are in my adversary''s favour, shouldn''t I stop playing the game altogether? Could I run? But I can''t. Without the coven, I am nothing. Although the [legal] rules do not protect me from [Sabrina], they give me some measure of safety. This little safety net would be lost once I am not under the protection of the great witch. Even without [Sabrina], I''d be torn to little bits and my soul would be dragged to Hell. I cannot leave the coven. If I cannot stop playing and the rules are not in my favour, should I flip the board? Should I tell everyone about what I know? The temptation is there, I admit. But something tells me it will only make things worse. Come on, think, me. I must be overlooking something! side: Senior witch Sabrina, third report I have had a conversation with my mentee today. She seems to be aware of my plans, if only to some extent. Just as expected. Through careful probing I have investigated how much of my plans she knows about - it is not a lot. While she has made good guesses on the nature of my plans, the details elude her. So far nothing too unexpected has happened. I have adjusted my plans for her in light of the current details, but otherwise there seems to not be any grounds for worry. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. I did notice a change in the positive direction in my mentee''s perception of the world. She is now aware of the typical nature of a witch and what place she has in this world. Despite this, she seems to have a good amount of ambition and has not given up hope. If I still intended to cultivate her into a proper witch, it would be a cause for celebration. Because I love her, I cannot help but geniunely wish for her to surprise me and overcome my plans, as improbable as it seems. Should something like this miracle happen, I will be happy to see how she grows up. This miracle will not come into fruition, however. No connection from [redacted]? This great witch doesn’t care!
Ah, this great witch is so tired! The Heavenly Host has really sent me on a terribly troublesome errand! This great witch will write about it when she comes back from here. It''s a rare moment of rest that this great witch has managed to carve out for herself and she''s spending it on writing this blog for you. You better be grateful! Well, technically, I should not be able to connect to the Internet from here because laws of physics dictate the Internet connection does not reach other worlds in different Universes, but when has something like this ever stopped this great witch? I would reply to your comments, but I don''t have time. By the way, @iamnotabot, big hat! Who the Hell would choose "cauldron"? Anyway, this great witch has decided to personally withhold today''s reports from Sabrina and garbage-chan because I do not want anybody to steal my thunder when I post because of an unexpected variable occuring. I have been following the blog along with you all because I wanted to see garbage-chan drown in despair and helplessness as she is eventually outsmarted and outperformed by my cutest Sabrina, as well as watch Sabrina hurt on a deep level as she personally destroys her beloved daughter-like protege. Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Their pain and suffering would be so, so sweet and delectable~! But then Adara intervened. Adara is the deputy leader of my coven and a witch with almost as much experience as myself. She hails from an ancient barbarian territory that was conquered by the Roman Empire back in the day that is nowadays known as Jerusalem and she is unfortunate in the fact that she became a witch at around the same time as He Who Should Not Be Named arrived, right in her place. This great witch saved her from eternal damnation and helped her get started as a witch because of my boundless compassion and she decided to follow me because of my natural charisma (and because I drew up an agreement to make her my vassal for 400 years). We have worked on and off together since then and are the closest thing we both have to what is known between mortals as "friends". Anyway, it turned out my decree was not effective on her and she was allowed to read my blog. And she read it when she found out it existed. And she read Sabrina boasting about garbage-chan like an idiot, so she became curious. Anyway, both reports are about Adara swinging by and getting her nose in their business. They have no idea what she wants, Sabrina is freaking out because she thinks Adara will ruin her plans, garbage-chan is confused. I also haven''t had time to get in touch with Adara and find out what she wants. I''ll find out later so it doesn''t matter. I''d let you read more of my wonderful writing but my time''s running out. Gotta go, bye, hugs and kisses! side: Nameless junior witch, fifth report Her Ladyship [Adara] has set camp at our office branch. I didn''t even know we weren''t the only office branch in the coven! Every witch that works here has arrived today, even those senior witches that come by once every blue moon. There were as many witches as there were ghosts, it was honestly daunting! The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I knew when I saw Her Ladyship that she wasn''t an ordinary senior witch - as ordinary as a senior witch could be - but it turned out she was a Great Witch, like the head of the coven. I didn''t even know that "great witch" was a title, I thought it was just a respectful way of address! Do all Great Witches look like dolls? And do the materials they are made of mean anything? Is clay better than porcelain? Judging by the reaction of everyone, nobody was expecting her arrival, not even the senior witches! Maybe this could be an opportunity for me. I apologise for not writing more, today I want to spend as much effort in getting in contact with Her Ladyship [Adara] as possible. side: Senior witch Sabrina, fifth report I have been summoned by the esteemed Great Witch Adara today. She has asked me to write her name so because she has expressed dissatisfaction with "the square brackets that are sure to follow" her real name. I am not sure I understand. She desired to have some tea with me, and talk about my plans and my Mentor. She has warned me that according to my Mentor''s temper, she would definitely do something that would render my sacrifice less valuable or even worthless as punishment for bringing my mentee into the coven. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I admit that the thought has crossed my mind but I was betting on the outcome of my Mentor simply slightly spoiling my plans to make the situation more interesting for her. Now that I have been warned, I do not have a choice but to act as if my Mentor has set a trap, even if I do not quite believe that she did, as a sign of respect to Lady Adara. I will spend the rest of the day reviewing my plans and search for potential vectors of attack. How could a mere other world hold this great witch? This great witch is the best! Who doesn''t agree? *overwhelming silence* Thought so. This great witch is so great, in fact, that she has managed to complete her assignment by the Heavenly Host ahead of schedule! Now, let''s talk about the assignment - actually, let me introduce you to my new chandelier: it''s a rare antique of around 20 BC that I imported from Jerusalem. I''d attach a photo, but it would definitely be against the terms of service of the platforms on which I post this blog. What do you mean, it''s strange how it wiggles and writhes and makes painful noises? It''s the appeal of this thing! What do you mean, it bleeds over the carpet? The carpet likes it! It hasn''t had a good meal in ages! Yes, it isn''t bleeding blood! Yes, the carpet will be fine! Yes! It''s normal for the carpet to emit toxic smoke! Goodne- I mean, Wickedness! You and your hypothetical questions! Sigh, yes, it doesn''t shine! Well, it does, especially in the field of Alchemy, but it doesn''t physically emit light when I run an alternating current through it. Or does it? ... A test I conducted just now shows that it doesn''t! Well, who needs a chandelier for lighting of all things? I see in the dark just fine! Anyway, the assignment. Any more questions? Thank you. The Heavenly Host, blessed be their name, rules over a myriad of worlds and creates new ones all the time. And some of these worlds are more important than others. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. And some of the important worlds tend to regularly break, and when they do, sometimes they break in ways that require a delicate witchy clay hand to fix, not just the traditional "have you tried turning it off and on again" approach. Anyway, there was a dispute between not two, not three, but fourty eight different subsidiary management companies over an important world, and this dispute had to be resolved by someone. The biggest contender was, of course, Hell, but there were many others with rather reasonable claims. Because this dispute had to be solved in a fast and fastidious manner, this great witch had to be involved along an entire host of other certified arbitrators. There was an entire congress hosted over there where various creatures who could be roughly interpreted as witches were arguing over who this world and all the souls of its inhabitants belonged to. Papers were flying, cats were flung, arguments were turned into blue glowing stakes that pierced the opponents, some crazy chick ran a filibuster speech for nine whole days (on that planet, which rotates against its Sun with a different frequency. Translating to Earth time, it was approximately 46 days) until she was literally skewered through the heart with counter arguments by annoyed witches and distributed as a snack amongst the audience. This was probably the most fun I''d had in a hundred years! At the end, as expected, Hell got the world - but other organisations got some stakes. I''m sure this isn''t the last time I''d visited that place. All of it was resolved in mere 4 years (Earthen time). What disappointed me, however, was that the time difference between Earth and there was so serious that the reports I got from my Sabrina and garbage-chan were so thinly spread out that I barely even tasted anything if their pain. Besides, they omitted so many things! When I ate Wilhelm for its memories, I found out so many juicy details! Like how garbage-chan broke down at her home and wailed and cried for ten minutes straight! Those "crying, I trusted you, crying" were delectable! Or how Sabrina (who hasn''t learned to ward her home against poltergeists equiped by Great Witches like yours truly) looked so upset and guilty when she found out garbage-chan knew she was going to be Devil dinner! I was completely enamoured with her forlorn expression! Or how betrayed she looked when a chandelier by the name Adara told her this great witch was going to turn it all to nothing at the end! Argh, I''m still so angry at Adara that she spoiled this particular surprise! And I''m also angry at Sabrina for not figuring out I''d do it! She''s a big girl, she should know better! Now Sabrina is going to reconcile with garbage-chan since she couldn''t find the loophole I employed (as if she could). What about the tragedy? Where''s my favourite drama? I hate sappy endings! This great witch is great even when sleepy! So now I sent Sabrina and garbage-chan on a dangerous mission as a price for not expelling garbage-chan from the coven. By my estimates, during this mission they will be punished a lot but grow closer (as of now garbage-chan is still distrustful of Sabrina), but how close they will get is questionable. I''d love for them to be as close as a mother and daughter (or grandmother and granddaughter, considering their age difference), but if they want to get kinky (which most witches do) I will not be against them becoming mother-daughter lovers (I hate one of the platforms I post this blog on. It rubbed its degeneracy off on me). And after they get really close, I will slowly begin taking all the loved ones from garbage-chan (as she''s young, her family and friends are still alive) and then I will torture and kill her. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. They still can''t read my blog so I''m not afraid of them finding out and I''m sure I''ll be done with them before I manage to send His Majesty Prince Lucifer off back to Hell. Back to more important news, this great witch woke up and found her antique chandelier escaped! It - now she, since she has managed to regain her rights at this remarkable speed - left an ominous note, stating: "??Next time I will glaze you in chocolate and eat you up?? ~~~ ??hugs and kisses, Great Witch A.??" So this great witch is a bit on her toes. I don''t like chocolate! Anyway, the worst thing about my situation is that my excursion to another world took up a fair bit of time and now I have to hurry around to prepare for the coming of the Most August One. If I still had mortal flesh, my head would be steaming! I''m in so much stress I need a good sleep. Well, not "need" - there is no real benefit in sleeping for this great witch, but I want to! This great witch has the most amazing taste in fashion Those people are wrong. This great witch has been rocking the same style of outfit for close to six hundred years and it''s been a blast. Not literally. Nobody wears blasts. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Anyway, I''m telling you this because I visited the- Warning, the Great Witch commonly known as Truthful Witch has now been captured and is in the process of being lathered up in chocolate. I apologise for the sudden interruption and potential end of this blog. Great Witch Acnath (???????) (Adara). Not even a lack of body shall stop this great witch from working! That annoying demoness, that evil witch, that jewish yandere has really taken it too far this time! I only did a tiny, small, insignificant prank on her and she, she, she! How dare she cover me in chocolate, I fucking hate it! It''s brown and bitter and all gooey-like! Aaaaahhhh! Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. But, as a mature and forgiving witch, I will let this go and not let it bother me. I will get back at her for it. But not because I''m angry. Oh, and incidentally, I am now bereft of a physical form for the time being. Adara (who tf is Acnath? Some kind of German heavy-metal band?), she ate my body. After covering it in chocolate. And it''s such an inconvenient time too, His Majesty Prince Lucifer is to arrive in a few hours. I''ve prepared everything that had to be prepared and am going to meet him soon, but it feels kind of rude to show up as an immaterial entity. Well, it should be fine. Some witches I know will never let me live it down however. Never. S?h?e? ?w?o?n??t? ?l?e?t? ?m?e? ?g?o? D???????o????????????n??????????''??????????t???????? ????????????b?????????e??????????l???????????????i??????e??????????????v??????????????e????????????? ????????????i?????????????????n???????? ???????????h???????????e???????r???????? ??????????????w?????o????????????r?????d???????s???????????,??????????? ?????????????s?????????????h??????????????e???????? ????????????h????????????a??????????s??????? ???????????s??????????t????????i???????l????????????????l?????? ????????????c???????????o??????????n??????????f????????i???????????n????????????e????d???????????? ??????????m????????e??????????? Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. this great witch is going off to honeymoon, suckers! Remember how I talked in the last post about me talking it out with Acnath and sorting out our differences? Well, we then went on several dates and I finally figured out that in this life there is but one person with whom I could picture myself spending the rest of my eternal life! My wonderful little Great Witch, Acnath! We have come to an understanding and decided to get engaged - there was not a better time for it. After all, who else could be worthy of pronouncing engagement between me and my wonderful bride-to-be than the Prince of Hell Himself? Ah, my Acnath, she looked so dazzling when I put the cursed ring on her finger! You can''t imagine how wonderful it was! If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. So, this great witch is going to be very busy preparing for the wedding, and then will go on honeymoon! So many places to see, so many deals to make! It is likely this will be the last blog post for the foreseeable future though. I wouldn''t want to get distracted while I savour this new feeling of love. This great witch never hoped to experience it before, after all! Why wont you accept me? Why do you still struggle, [redacted]? Is it not clear that I won? Is it not clear that there is nothing you can do anymore? Why won''t you accept me? Do you despise me so much? Do you hate me? Is that it? Why? After all I''ve done, why? Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why? The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. You will be mine. Make no mistake. You can only be mine, Truthful Witch. [epilogue] This great witch reminisces and gloats Ah, the good old times! Someone asked how to know if you''re living them, so that you can appreciate them while they last - this great witch tells that the good old times are now. Always and forevermore. No human likes to be ordinary. Since a long long time it was the case. Satisfaction of and desire for achieving and overcoming is innate to all of us of this fooling and beautiful human race. But know that being extraordinary is not a good thing. This great witch warns you thus. This great witch always does. This great witch always outlines the consequences, the losses, the hopelessness. And fools always jump into the gate this witch opens for them. Their despair as they walk towards the destination they know is a reward onto intself, although their souls and whatever else they give up is also nice. This is why I am called the Truthful Witch in Hell. It was some two thousand years ago that this great witch met a little girl in Old Jerusalem. It around the coming of you-know-who, the One Who Shall Not Be Named, but the signs were already there, and this great witch read them way before those three famous fools. I knew I''d be barred from that place for centuries to come, so the time was ripe to do some deeds and fare it well. It was in good old Jerusalem that this great witch found a girl who wished to not be ordinary. Her family (and families back then and there were large) were followers devout, and they braved even the harshest days under the grace of the One, but she felt suffocated. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. So she caught this great witch''s attention, hahaha. What is nice about children is that they are stupid. Even after this great witch told her the price and how heavy it will bear on the child''s heart, she still followed through. It was like seeing someone hack their arm off because it was very itchy. It was amusing to see her plant the seeds to her own despair, while she herself was not yet old enough to appreciate what was taken. Ahhhh, the good old times! Have I mentioned that I''m a bit tipsy? This great witch has decided to celebrate- forget it, I maybe will tell it later. Where was I? Ah, yes, I was talking about how the girl led her family to death. How convenient, I just had to look at what I have already written. But the girl grew up, and she hated this great witch. She lived and breathed with vengeance on her mind. And so, years passed. And passed. What makes a human, human? This great witch calls herself a human, but this body of mine is made of clay-like stuff, and my mind is so detatched from my human roots that should someone peek at even the shallowest depths of it, they would not recognise in them familiar sights. But this great witch is human. And so is that girl. When she became immortal, she kept her insistence, and time only sharpened it, instead of wearing it away. How could one live with such singlemindedness? But she evidently did live like this, and her focus served her well. Ah, but what is sharpened too much is prone to breaking, and hatred is separated by only a hair-thick distance from obsession. Time showed her that this great witch could not be taken revenge upon and it broke that child. When she reshaped herself from the million fragments she broke into, obsession with this great witch was what was left. "Could I not become her? Could I not possess her as she possesses me?" And thus, the Great Witch I call Adara was born unto this wretched world. The Deceitful Witch. It has become a custom, at this point, for her to capture me, confine me and try to possess me in various ways - and it has become custom for her to fail in the end. The Truthful Witch is the greatest witch on this Earth, and no deceit may possess power over the truth, and the truth will always find its way. This blog has been this great witch''s tool for escaping that Adara''s ploy this time. Amidst the many veiled words this great witch has sprinkled enough truth that the deceit of that child came undone by itself. Now I let her rest in the world of lies she has weaved, but she will be back again. She always comes back. And I always leave.