《War of Love》 The time before - Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara I¡¯m sitting in the big beautiful library in the city of Lillass, It¡¯s quiet, and I¡¯m enjoying this time alone even though I¡¯m alone most of the time. I love spending time reading I¡¯ve read every single book in the big library most of them probably more than once. My favorites or the fantasies, the romance, the adventure. They are everything I can¡¯t experience on my own. I love dreaming about the world and seeing what it is like with my own eyes. I enjoy imagining what life would be like if I were someone else and if I was able to experience love, adventure, and much more. This is also why I love looking at the beautiful paintings adorning the walls of the Castle. My favorite isn¡¯t the portraits but it¡¯s more the landscapes where I can dream myself into a world that isn¡¯t here. The wind is blowing outside the window while birds are flying by, I turn my head to the window that¡¯s behind me looking out at the birds playing around in the sky. I continue fantasizing about the birds in the world and love them for a while until the doors to the library open. The doors are pretty far away from where I¡¯m sitting But as soon as I hear I jump from my seat sitting straight like I should looking at the door I take a deep breath Of relief as I realize it¡¯s just Amanda, my stepmom. She walks across the library over to me her heels clinging on the floor. She looks at me with a smile, the brightest smile. ¡°How are you doing darling?¡± She asks me. I smile back at her as she approaches me ¡°I¡¯m doing just fine¡± I look up at her. She looks down at the book I¡¯m reading ¡°Really that one again isn¡¯t it about the thousandth time?¡± She says with a slight giggle. I blush lightly ¡°Maybe¡± I say not laughing. Amanda Sits down in the chair across from me. As she sits down her face shifts from the fun happy face he had when she came into a more serious one almost looking like I¡¯m in trouble. ¡°Are you coming to the festival?¡± She says in a serious tone. One of the biggest festivals of the whole year is coming up and like usual I¡¯m not going to join. I look down at the ground she already knows my answer ¡°Why won¡¯t you join¡± She exclaims. She isn¡¯t yelling but she¡¯s sounding very Stern. I turn around and look out the window behind me again not saying anything else. ¡°I know you don¡¯t like it and I know you don¡¯t like smiling and waving But please your dad would be so happy¡­¡± She says with a sad tone of voice almost a little frustrated. I sigh deeply, rolling my eyes. I didn¡¯t enjoy being at social gatherings after my mom died. It¡¯s not the fact that my dad remarried soon after I love Amanda, She¡¯s so nice and good to me, It¡¯s the fact that everyone expects me to be okay I¡¯m still in mourning I know that mourning usually it¡¯s only a year or too but I¡¯m still in the mourning. I don¡¯t want anyone to look at me celebrate me or anything. I¡¯m tired of pretending to be something I¡¯m not, The people know that I¡¯m not what they want me to be. I¡¯m a disappointment to my family but also to the people. Even the way the people described me when talking about me or the royal family You can hear how much of a disappointment I am to them. They want me to be this beautiful, Perfect doll. They want me to be a statue of Beauty and perfection but not have a personality of my own. Honestly, that¡¯s more what my dad wants me to be than anything else. I get snapped back to reality, As Amanda clears her throat. I look over at her. She knows why I don¡¯t want to join. She knows what the people say about me and what the people say about her. The way people describe us is two different sites of Reality. Honestly, people think we hate each other But she is my second mother and I love her like it. And she treats me like it. ¡°I really do not want to attend the festival¡­¡± I say looking away from Amanda. Amanda looks at the floor and takes a deep sigh ¡°I understand¡±. We sit in silence for a few minutes. After a while, we start talking about everyday stuff nothing that important but it¡¯s nice to be in her company, I enjoy the time we spend together especially since she¡¯s one of the people I spend the most time with. My brother, His wife, and my Dad is often very busy. Amanda makes a point to spend time with me and makes me feel special when she spends time with me. She¡¯s the youngest child of a family as well and the only girl. She knows what it¡¯s like to be left behind In the family and has made it a point that I never feel like that when I¡¯m around her. She¡¯s one of the biggest positives since my mom died. I noticed how her blond hair shone in the sunlight from the window behind me. It glittered like it was gold. Her golden hair was in Stark contrast to her dark-as-the-night-sky brown eyes. They were almost so dark that she couldn¡¯t see the difference between her pupil and the rest of her eye color. I definitely understand why their Kingdom describes her as beautiful. She¡¯s wearing a beautiful red dress. Often wears red or pink colors. Or at least always something bright. Besides the gold they both often wear my dad and her where very different types of clothing. My dad often wears dark clothes. But the bright colors on Amanda Complement her beautifully. Today is no different. Especially with the Beautiful sunlight shining in making her lightly tamed skin Look beautiful. After a while of Us sitting and talking we hear a knock on the big doors to the library. The doors open and a head pubs in through the crack of the door. It¡¯s one of the many maids of the Castle ¡°Her Majesty the Queen, The ministry the king, is waiting for you¡± The maid says with an almost fearful look in her eyes, I can see it¡¯s one of the newer maids so she must be worried about doing something wrong. I look over at Amanda, Amanda knots receiving the message. She looks over at me with a smile ¡°I¡¯ll talk to you soon¡± She says before getting up and walking towards the door her heels clicking against the ground again. The maid and Amanda quickly leave and I¡¯m alone in the library once more This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. A few days later I¡¯m standing in the library once more Browsing the books running my finger along the old spines of the books. Figuring out which book I should read. There are many beautiful stories in this library. The library is quiet as usual but this time there is another figure in the room, the library keeper, we are on opposite sides of the room as we browse the books. I finally settled on a book one of my favorites a love story between unlikely lovers. I look down at the book smiling and blushing slightly. Instead of sitting in the library, I start to walk out the door. It¡¯s a beautiful day outside I should probably go sit in the garden I think to myself while walking. I opened the big brown doors to the library. They¡¯re heavy and they give a big squeak as I opened them. I walk into the corridor Lined by portraits of old kings and queens. Halfway down the hall, I stop in front of the portrait of my mother. Just like myself, my mom is a bigger woman, A bit on the curvier side. We both have brown cheeks with freckles on them and a light blush. I¡¯m a spirit image of my mother All the way down to her light skin almost paper-white. Unlike my mother I have straight black hair my mom has slightly curly brown hair. The portrait displays her on her wedding day. She¡¯s wearing a beautiful white dress and her hair with a Terraria in it. Her tiara had white pearls in it. It¡¯s a Tierra I have inherited but I was never aware of it I always keep it on this way as it reminds me of my mother it was her favorite piece of jewelry. Along with her Tierra, she also had a big necklace on. The address wasn¡¯t form-fitting it was big and poofy. And her hair was long And just like my own dark brown like the bark of the tree. And again just like myself, she had piercing blue eyes The painting really makes this clear and it¡¯s beautiful. Many people think it¡¯s unbelievable how much I look like my mother, My brother is a bit more of a mix of our Mum and Dad. Besides the portrait of my mother is a beautiful portrait of my dad and Amanda. It¡¯s a beautiful portrait they look so happy together. I will say that in the portrait you can really see my dad¡¯s age compared to Amanda. I like to imagine that my mom would be great friends with Amanda if she knew her. And I like to imagine that my mom is looking down on us and happy that my dad found someone else to love. Next to their portrait is the portrait of my brother, Crown Prince Alexander ll of Luminara, and his wife and his young son. They¡¯re adorable. My brother almost looked like a copy of my Dad when he was younger. Blonde hair and bright blue eyes, and his son look exactly the same. His wife on the other hand has dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. In the portrait, my brother is wearing his soldier uniform in our national colors. Red, blue, and gold. Unlike my own face and my mother, he is very thin and you could almost see the bones in his face. I smile while looking at my whole family I love them all dearly but I always feel forgotten. I stopped looking up at the paintings and started walking towards the end of the hole ancestors of mine on every side of me Some people who are almost completely forgotten like myself. I wonder what I will be remembered as if I you wouldn¡¯t will if people see my portrait and remember who I am. It¡¯s a scary but interesting thought I think to myself as I continue walking to the end of the hallway, leaving through one of the big doors into the garden. A month later, I¡¯m sitting in a beautiful caring on a train. I¡¯m sitting with my dad and Amanda we¡¯re on our way to Mousix, the town where my brother and his family live. I look out the window taking a break from the book I was reading. Amanda and Dad are talking to each other while I look out. You can get anywhere in the country by train. It¡¯s a beautiful way to get around quickly. The view outside is a big forest filled with big trees probably been there for thousands of years. I wonder how many different animals live in this forest along with all the small towns that must be around it. The small towns we visit from time to time or some of my favorites. Life in the small town is so different compared to what it is in the bigger ones I wish I could visit there more. Especially my favorite one, Lowchurch. It¡¯s in the clearing of a big forest just like this one. It only has a population of 190 but it has a beautiful library. I hope I can visit soon again it was a wonderful visit last time. I snapped back to the present moment with my dad asked me a question I didn¡¯t hear the question but I noticed that he was talking to me ¡°What?¡± I say. ¡°Are you joining us for the summer festival?¡± He asks very formally. ¡°I don¡¯t know yet,¡± I say and look away. ¡°The planner would like to know soon so everything can be planned properly,¡± He says putting extra pressure on properly. Everything needs to be perfect and everything needs to be proper. Amanda tries to change the subject ¡°Amelia Have you decided where you want to hold your birthday party?¡± She asks. I look back at both her and my dad ¡°No but please come with suggestions¡± I say smiling a little awkwardly. ¡°Well you could hold it at Winter Castle It¡¯s perfect for the time of year¡± Amanda suggests. That¡¯s not the only reason she wants it to behold there it¡¯s the biggest castle in the country and it¡¯s an important birthday It¡¯s the Year when I need to find a suitable suitor. ¡°I guess so¡± I respond to the suggestion. The room feels with awkward tension until knocking on the cart door can be heard. One of the workers on the train comes in and says that we will be there in a few minutes. My dad tells me to get ready and looks at Amanda telling her the same. Everything needs to be perfect and proper. I look out the window and see that the terrain has changed now it¡¯s filled with feels of wheat and after a few minutes, it changes into a beautiful bustling City. Filled with mostly cobblestone and brick buildings. Amanda changed her seat to sit next to me. Asking me if I would like her to help me fix my hair I didn¡¯t notice anything was wrong with it but I let her. Finally, the train stops and my dad and Amanda stand up. The cart door opened and my dad and Amanda stamped out, I stood up brushing down my dress before going out behind them. The first months - Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara No birthday party and no festival happened. A few months after visiting my brother, a war started with our nearest neighbours, the country of Crimsonreach. Honestly, war has been brewing for years between us and it was just a matter of time before it happened. Ships came in from the East Hitting the city of Mousix. Our capital is also the city where my brother lives. About half of it was destroyed in under a day. Many of our valuable places were destroyed in this battle And the battles to come. Luckily in the first battle, most of our citizens made it out alive and fled. Most of our citizens are hiding in the smaller towns since the country of Crimsonreach mostly goes after our big cities and castles. I along with many others are in the small town of Lowchurch. They took good care of me and I spent most of my time worrying about my family. For most of the war, I didn¡¯t know where my family was. As soon as we were hit my dad and brother took action and helped defend our country. What¡¯s happening with them now I have no clue, and my brother¡¯s wife and son, my stepmom Amanda I assume that they are safe but I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m doing my duty to help the country as much as possible I can write and read so I help bright letters for the army and the different citizens that need it. I¡¯ve been allowed to stay in the library in the town so I have access to the things I need to be able to write, But also so I have a place where I can be safe. I don¡¯t live here alone I live here with a few other citizens and also with some guards. The library is filled with beds and tables made in haste. Many of the bookcases that once filled the middle of the room have been pushed to the edges. I¡¯m sitting on the edge of the bed made for me. The bed is at the edge of the big room of the library in a corner by itself. Even though I didn¡¯t want it the guards made sure that no one else was too close to me for my safety. The people closest to me were a family of four, A mother and her three kids. Most of the people in the library are women and children. Most of the men have been called to Action to fight in the war. However, because of my placement here some guards and other soldiers have been tasked to stay in the village for my protection and of course the Citizens. It¡¯s very different living in this library for the months I¡¯ve been here so far than what it was like living in the Castle. I enjoy helping where I can Even though that¡¯s also new to me. Some of the mothers Have taught me how to cook and help with the dinners. Outside of that, I¡¯m helping with reading and writing Helping teach some of the kids to read and write but also helping the soldiers and other military write reports, also helping the Citizens write letters to their loved ones. When I escaped the castle I didn¡¯t have much time to pack or bring many of my belongings, But I brought a little piece of home my favourite book from the library. I¡¯ve been reading it over and over again, especially because it reminds me of my family since I¡¯ve read it so much around them. But also the main character reminds me of my brother, Outspoken brave and sugar-sweet. I wonder about my family what happened to them where they are and if they¡¯re okay. I missed them unbelievably much. Even though I spent most of my time alone I enjoyed spending time with them and now that I¡¯m alone without them I miss them. I sat on the edge of the bed reading the book I brought from home. It¡¯s never quiet in the library, especially because so many people are staying here. The population of the town has almost doubled with how many people are here. Small children are crying while getting cared for by their mothers, children playing with each other, and Adults talking about whatever. I will honestly say that I missed the quietness of the Castle. My thoughts were interrupted by one of the soldiers coming up to me ¡°Excuse me Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara?¡± He says to me using my full exact name many of the soldiers use my Full name Being a little intimidated by the fact there¡¯s a princess. I look up at him ¡°Yes? ¡° I answer ¡°Do you have time to do a report?¡± He asks looking slightly worried, What he¡¯s worried about I have no idea my answer or something else. ¡°Of course, I have time¡± I answer. I close the book and place it down beside me before standing up. I follow the soldier out To a small room next to the big room we were all staying in. In the room, there is a table a few chairs and a typewriter. I sit down in front of the typewriter getting ready to write ¡°Can I ask what it¡¯s about before we start?¡± I ask Looking at him while He¡¯s going to the other side of the table and sitting down ¡°It¡¯s about the food supply¡± He says not looking at me ¡°Oh¡± I answer. I push up my sleeves before getting ready to write. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.
Population 190 Moved to 260
Missing food.
LC Town¡¯s food supply is running low with the number of newcomers (Civilians + soldiers) to the town the city is missing food. Food supply will not last the winter. Needing extra supplies.
Requesting more food
Report by Squadrant 22
Some days later I¡¯m standing in the town centre helping to read reports and relaying the information from them. I¡¯m not the only one who¡¯s able to read but it takes a pretty high education for it to be normal to read at such a high level. It¡¯s the start of winter and many of our supplies have come in they¡¯re supposed to last us the whole winter. ¡°we¡¯ll have to delegate this very carefully¡± I say thinking out loud and looking at the number of supplies we have been given. ¡°Excuse me? " asks one of the guards looking at me. I look over at him in surprise. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t mean to say that out loud¡± I answer looking at him with a small smile. He walks a bit closer to me ¡°No need to apologize¡± he says smiling back at me with beautiful hazel eyes. I can feel my cheeks get slightly warm as I quickly look away. I can hear him chuckle lightly. ¡°Do you need help with anything?¡± I ask looking down at the supplies list once again. ¡°Clay, could you hurry up!¡± A voice yells across the city centre. Both I and the guard look up, the guard or Clay looks at me and smiles again ¡°I better get going¡± he says before walking away, I look at him as he walks away, feeling my cheeks get warmer as I smile to myself. I think to myself what all of that was about, why did I act like that, he must think I¡¯m so stupid, and I feel so stupid. He must be one of the new guards as I haven¡¯t seen him around but he seems nice. It¡¯s the first year I haven¡¯t spent winter feast with my family. I can¡¯t believe that Winter Feast is being spent like this. Everyone is too scared to decorate it will make us too easy to spot from the air No decorations No big winter feast, nothing. We¡¯re sitting down for dinner on Winter Feast Night. We¡¯re having our normal dinner potatoes some grains and a bit of meat. I¡¯m really sad that I¡¯m not with my family I missed them unbelievably, especially this night. I can¡¯t believe I have no clue where they are I can¡¯t believe that I¡¯m here I feel so alone even though there are people around me. I can feel tears start forming in my eyes. A small tear rolls down my cheek as I eat. Later that night when everyone else had gone to bed, I was lying in bed not being able to sleep crying quietly. I sat up in bed wiping the tears from my eyes. I¡¯ve written letters for so many others writing to their loved ones making sure they¡¯re okay and letting them know they¡¯re okay. Why can¡¯t I do the same, why haven¡¯t I done the same? I get slowly out of bed trying to hold back my tears, I walk to the small room where I have written so many letters and reports already. I open the door slowly trying not to wake anyone closing it behind me slowly. I sit down at the table with the typewriter. I start writing a heartfelt letter letting my heart out in the letter along with letting my tears flow.
Dear Dad
I really miss you and I hope you¡¯re safe, I¡¯m safe here . I miss you and Amanda and Alexander And all the others, I really hope you¡¯re all safe. I hope we can meet soon and I hope you had a wonderful winter feast.
Love and miss you From your daughter Amelia Lily
Some days later after sending out the letter, I didn¡¯t get any response. It¡¯s getting me worried but some of the other people say that no news is good news. I hope they are right. A new normal - Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara I get out of bed and get ready for the day along with many others in the big library. The baby from the mom beside me has been up all night crying and being fussy. She probably apologizes a thousand times but I tell her not to worry about it. I didn¡¯t get to sleep much because of my crying so it was nice to have a distraction but I didn¡¯t tell her that. I finally get ready by putting on one of the few dresses I have. It looks a bit worse for wear but I don¡¯t think anyone cares. I have bags under my eyes from crying so much I tried to make them a little smaller by splashing a little water on my face. I don¡¯t think it works but it makes me feel a little better. I say goodbye to the night guard who has been watching over the library. He tells me jokingly that I should be nice today. It¡¯s one of the newer guys who is being put on duty to Watch Over Me. I look at him with surprise, feeling a little excitement. I nod, I tell him I will be nice. I followed many of the other people out of the library, going next door to the Tavern. It¡¯s where we all eat our meals, it¡¯s where it¡¯s easiest to accommodate so many people. I¡¯m not very talkative so I usually don¡¯t start the conversations but some small talk always finds a place on the way there. On the way there one of the guards, a familiar-looking one, comes over to me. I stop up as he walks up to me ¡°Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara, I¡¯m Clay I¡¯ll be your guard¡± he says before bowing down. Every day like the day before, same line, different guard. ¡°Thank you, Clay,¡± I responded smiling. I start walking again following the crowd to the tavern, I¡¯m so hungry I need food. ¡°Are we in a hurry?¡± Clay asks following behind me slightly. ¡°I¡¯m starving,¡± I responded. After breakfast, we walked to the town center right outside the library. I walk up to one of the higher guards on duty asking what I could help with today. We stand there and talk for a bit about the different things that need to be done today, one of them being the monthly report. He hands me a stack of hand-written reports I need to rewrite on the typewriter. I tell him I¡¯ll get it done immediately. While we¡¯re talking Clay is looking around looking bored even yawning. I guess I would be bored too if I followed someone around all day not really doing much myself. We go back into the library into the small room with the typewriter. ¡°You can just sit down, this will take a while,¡± I say to Clay while sitting down myself. ¡°Yes ma¡¯am!¡± He says in a perky tone before sitting down. I smile and giggle lightly before looking down at the stack of papers again my smile fading¡°This is going to take all day honestly¡± It¡¯s a big stack of papers and the soldier¡¯s and guard¡¯s handwriting isn¡¯t the best just trying to understand what they have written sometimes will take all day. ¡°You guys aren¡¯t known for the best handwriting,¡± I say thinking out loud. Clay chuckles. He¡¯s sitting with his arms crossed, relaxed. I look up at him smiling, my cheeks feeling warm once more. I look down at the typewriter starting to write and read the reports. The first three are done within a couple of hours but that was only the first hours of many. While writing, Clay and I don¡¯t talk at all. Suddenly I hear snoring. I look over at Clay ¡°Are you sleeping?¡± I say kind of loudly. Clay doesn¡¯t respond, his eyes are closed and he¡¯s clearly snoring. I roll my eyes and continue writing the reports. When I¡¯m halfway done with the reports I decide that it¡¯s time for lunch, it¡¯s probably just going to be an apple or something but it¡¯s better than nothing. I look over at Clay, he is still clearly sleeping. I stand up and walk over to him. I poke his shoulder ¡°You awake?¡± He jumps awake grabbing hold of my wrist. I look at him with surprise, stepping backward. As he realized what he was doing he let go of my wrist ¡°I¡¯m so sorry my princess¡± he said bowing. I rubbing the wrist that he had grabbed. ¡°It¡¯s fine I just wanted lunch,¡± I say stammering looking everywhere but at him. ¡°Of course,¡± he says, trying not to look at me. I feel like Clay has been avoiding me ever since his last day on duty. He¡¯s going to be on duty tomorrow It has been a week since the last time. I just spooked him I didn¡¯t mean to but I really hope he isn¡¯t too upset with me he hasn¡¯t talked to me Ever since And we didn¡¯t talk for the rest of the day when it happened I wish I could read his mind. I wondered to myself why I kept thinking about him and why I was so upset at the fact that he hadn¡¯t even acknowledged me ever since. The next day the morning went as usual Until Clay approached me ¡°Princess Amelia Lily of Luminara, I¡¯m Clay I¡¯ll be your guard¡± he said before bowing down. He says the same line as everyone else just like last time but this time he avoids looking at me completely ¡°Thank you, Clay,¡± I respond like last time. After breakfast, I get to get my assignment for the day making sure there¡¯s anything that needs to be written down or taken account of. Today there isn¡¯t much to do, some days are more busy than others. Many days it¡¯s a waiting game for something to happen To hear news about what¡¯s happening in the country but Often we are left in the dark. We¡¯re one of the biggest settlements but to keep Us safe and out of the enemy¡¯s Line of Sight it¡¯s important for us to be kept in the dark so no paper trail will be left. I asked the higher guard if there was any news from my brother, my dad, or anyone else. Sadly no. It makes me more worried for each day that passes with no news I just wish I knew what was happening. I think the higher guards for letting me know Before I left to go into the library once more. While walking I turned my head to Clay Looking to make sure that he was following or Something. Clay is following but Try not to look at me still. I turn my head back and walk in through the big doors to the library. I don¡¯t care what¡¯s going on with him I¡¯m too upset about not knowing anything about my family, I just wish I knew something, Just a simple message that they¡¯re okay would be enough but there¡¯s nothing. There are not many people in the library unlike normally, I¡¯m so used to it being filled With people that it¡¯s weird for it to only have a few. It¡¯s much quieter than it normally is It gives me a weird feeling, I¡¯ve been so used to it being so loud in here that it feels weird for it to be quiet. I walk across the room to my bed, Reaching underneath the bed to grab the small bag I have most of my belongings in. I place the bag on my bed rummaging around in it to find my book. I noticed from the Corner of my eyes that Clay was looking at me Confused. Without him asking I tell him ¡°I¡¯m looking for the one book I got to take with me, There¡¯s nothing else to do so¡­¡± I say looking down into the bag and finally finding the book. I smile as I take it out of the bag. I quickly turn the pages to the end of the book where there¡¯s written a message. The message is from my mom. The book used to belong to my mom and she always wrote poems in the bag of her own books. I smile while reading it. Stolen novel; please report.
In a kingdom so grand, where love was esteemed,
There lived a wise king, and a queen so esteemed.
Their hearts intertwined, like a tapestry sewn,
Destined to flourish, this love they had known.
With regal demeanor, the king took the lead,
His words were like honey, sweet poetry indeed.
He¡¯d whisper in her ear, beneath moonlit sky,
His love for the queen, he¡¯d never deny.
She, a queen so fair, adorned with jewels rare,
Her radiant smile, like the sun in mid-air.
With grace and elegance, she stood by his side,
Together they ruled, their love growing wide.
Each night, they would dance, their steps in perfect sync,
Lost in the rhythm, a moment to drink.
Their hearts beat as one, in a love so pristine,
A love fit for royals, a love so serene.
Through trials and triumphs, they conquered as one,
Supporting each other, the battles were won.
Their love was unbreakable, forged in deep trust,
A union so sacred, built on love¡¯s gust.
The kingdom rejoiced, their love now renowned,
A love that surpassed, any treasure they found.
King and queen, united, forever they¡¯d reign,
A true love story, an eternal refrain.
So, let us remember, this tale of true hearts,
For love knows no boundaries, nor any false starts.
May we find our own king, or queen by our side,
In love¡¯s grand symphony, to eternally abide.
This poem she wrote shortly before her passing. It makes me feel so close to her when I read it. It makes me remember our family like it used to be. It makes me smile thinking about the love my parents had for each other. I hope one day I¡¯ll find a love true like theirs. My mom is the only reason why I haven¡¯t been promised away to someone already. She wanted me to find my own love just like she and my dad found each other. I continued smiling looking down on it. At the corner of my eyes, I can see clay moving closer to me I try to look over my shoulder to see what I¡¯m looking at and, why I¡¯m smiling so much. Before he¡¯s able to take a look I closed the book abruptly. ¡°That¡¯s private!¡± I say with an accidentally harsh tone. Clay took a step back avoiding my eyes once more. ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡± I ask abruptly ¡°I¡¯m really sorry if I scared you please don¡¯t be mad at me¡± Clay looks at me in surprise Finally looking me in my eyes, The first time today we¡¯ve had eye contact. Please down the book on my bed, I place my hands next to the book on the bed and Look down at the bed, Closing my eyes in frustration. I¡¯m just so frustrated with everything not getting any Information about my family being treated differently like everyone else, This all be new Then what I used to, Being treated like I¡¯m scary, Like someone is afraid of me. Out of frustration tears start forming in my eyes. I hate that I cry when I¡¯m frustrated, It makes me more frustrated. ¡°Just leave,¡± I say in frustration Not looking up from the bed. Everything is quiet before I feel a hand on my back, I look up and am surprised to see Clay has moved next to me looking down at me smiling. I suddenly noticed how tall he was compared to me, He¡¯s almost a foot taller than me. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry I was scared¡­ I made you uncomfortable or scared¡­¡± He says with a slight smile I can see the worry in his eyes for touching me again but He seems worried for me. I take a deep breath standing up straight again, I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands. ¡°No it¡¯s fine I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t say anything I¡¯m sorry about this I¡¯m just frustrated it¡¯s so different and don¡¯t know what¡¯s happening¡­ I miss everyone¡­¡± I Spit out the words without taking a breath. I just Feel like I need to get the words out like it¡¯s trapped in me. It feels nice telling someone something. While I talk Clay just nods acknowledging my words. ¡°I just wish I had some kind of news I just wish that I knew something just a simple we¡¯re fine about anyone¡­ I haven¡¯t heard a word from any of my family since the War started it¡¯s been months¡± The words continue to fly out of my mouth not giving me any time to acknowledge what I¡¯m saying. I just need to get it out. I don¡¯t want to be alone with these thoughts. Clay let me finish without saying a word Continuing to have a hand on my back supporting me. I finally take a deep breath, Closing my eyes for a bit. ¡°I¡¯m supposed to be strong I¡¯m supposed to show the Citizens that we are stronger but I¡¯m crumbling¡­¡± I say finishing my talk ¡°Yeah that must be hard¡± Clay says softly, He has a deep voice that helps me calm down a little. ¡°Sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to say all that I just needed to get it out, ¡° I say looking down trying not to look at him. I don¡¯t want to see his face. I don¡¯t want to see if he¡¯s disgusted, weirded out, or what he is. I can feel my cheeks getting warm in embarrassment. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it¡± Clay says before rubbing my back In small circles. We stand there for a while not saying a word more. Clay continued to rub my back. I finally take another deep breath and look up at him ¡°I need some air, can we go somewhere?¡± I ask Not wanting anyone to see me like this not wanting him to see me like this but not really having a choice anymore. He smiles and nods.