《loaf》 Chapter 1 The oven has been acting up. There¡¯s been a strange warmth emanating from it, which is obviously concerning, but I checked and there¡¯s no holes or anything. It¡¯s been like that for a whole week. I only noticed yesterday that the oven door refuses to open. No, I don¡¯t just mean ¡°it won¡¯t open¡±. I mean that every time I try to open it, it tells me to it won¡¯t and says to wait a bit. Grows a little warmer and speaks in its tinny little voice (and you can see the text floating up too, everything magical has captions on Chamkra and I wish other planets had that too), the oven gets annoyed when I insist on opening it and grows ever so slightly hotter. I swear I hear a hiss when that happens too, though it doesn¡¯t burn me. Perhaps it¡¯s trying to be intimidating? No clue where it learned to hiss, though, it¡¯s not physically capable of that¡­ ¡°Just wait, it¡¯s a surprise!¡± it says, and refuses to explain. ¡°How much longer?¡± I ask. ¡°Did you know that there are still some verbs in our language which resemble the verbs they evolved from nearly two thousand years ago?¡± it says, humming cheerfully. ¡°Is that related to the ¡®surprise¡¯? Is it going to take two thousand years for you to open up the door again?¡± ¡°It is related, because it¡¯s really interesting how my surprise would¡¯ve still worked two thousand years ago¨C¡± ¡°They didn¡¯t have magic ovens back then.¡± ¡°¨Clinguistically, it would¡¯ve worked in some specific languages. You¡¯ll get it when I actually show you the surprise. And no, it won¡¯t take two thousand years.¡± ¡°Then when?¡± Its magic captions depict a little smile. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°Sorry. Just one more day, okay?¡± I sigh. ¡°Alright. Just one more day.¡± So then I waited one more day, and there was a great amount of that happy humming when I finally entered the kitchen that afternoon. Wasn¡¯t quite on the same cheery little wavelength as the oven at first, because I was having the worst headache from dealing with the annoying deity whose torso is fused into the hill next to the local school (and the communicator was so uncooperative too!), because he was just making too much noise and can absolutely just use the his gut strings to communicate with the floating island deities in a quieter way, and we know he was yelling at them (by the way I have okay enough understanding of the gods¡¯ language but needed an expert briefly here to understand what the hell this deity was saying and it was just nonsense swearing and the expert was SO uncooperative), and he absolutely had no reason to do it so, so loudly, especially during school hours¡­ but I digress. The headache stopped when I finally opened the oven door, and pulled out the tray within. There was a cat in it. A cat with many many golden leafs for fur. A kitten, actually. Absolutely tiny. A kitty with its four legs all tucked in beneath its body. ¡°It¡¯s¡­ she¡¯s loafing. The cat.¡± I cannot believe that the oven doesn¡¯t actually have facial muscles and larynxes, because it was definitely grinning from ear to ear (and I also can¡¯t believe it doesn¡¯t have ears, but then again it can still sense the vibrations). The laughter, the grinning, it kept cracking up as it tried to speak. ¡°She¡¯s a loaf. Like¡­ like a bread loaf, but a cat loaf instead but¡­ she¡¯s loafing so she¡¯s a loaf and¡­¡± How exactly do I describe oven laughter to someone who¡¯s never heard it¡­ it¡¯s tinny like its regular voice, but on top of human-sounding laughter there¡¯s also this sound like someone is tapping on metal. Rhythmically. I stared at the cat, a bit perplexed. Not at its existence, of course, I already knew that the oven can manifest things and creatures into existence, but I was perplexed because the cat was perplexed first. I blink at her slowly. Sweet little baby stares at me wide-eyed, before finally blinking back. ¡°Okay,¡± I tell the oven, ¡°I don¡¯t know why you thought I needed a kitten, but I guess I now have a kitten. I will make arrangements for her comfort immediately, and we can talk about this later.¡± And I guess I¡¯ll also have to delay making the new recipe one of the deities gave me¡­ but that¡¯s fine. Keep your priorities in order. As I walk away with the kitten (her name is Loaf now), the oven continues to hum. Sounds a little more melodic than usual. ¡°See ya later!¡± Chapter 2 Litter box, food, some treats. Those are the first things I think to buy for Loaf, who is currently zooming around back at home. The oven is pretty good at making sure nothing in the kitchen overheats or burns down, so she¡¯ll be fine. Me, though? I still have to talk to a deity. I don¡¯t know how I¡¯d translate his name into the regular people¡¯s speech, but in the gods¡¯ tongue, it would be sung. Sung as a melody which nearly feels mournful, but it¡¯s only his name so it doesn¡¯t feel complete. And of course you have to add harmonies and vary the length of each note and leave little blanks of silence, since otherwise it would just be like throwing a bunch of words at them. No grammar, no actual sentences, ¡°hi deity hill go annoyed,¡± does not come across as polite to the deities and they will harm you (personal experience). On my way to the hill, I just take in my surroundings. Golden flecked barks of tree and shiny dragonflies. Pretty, but on some days the golden sheen of everything is too intense. It¡¯s a leftover from the previous era of Chamkra, where the whole planet was basically nothing but golden sparkling. It sounds luxurious to some people from the other planets, but back then most folk had to be careful not to get scorched . And gold is only luxurious if it¡¯s actual gold (our ¡®gold¡¯ is mostly just things which resemble gold, nearly none of it is genuine) and if it¡¯s in any scarcity (my poor, poor eyes already know that¡¯s not the case). Eye protectors, yes. I dig a pair out of my bag and attempt to avoid the gaze of the god whose head is fused with a bit of land which, it is said, had consumed a tree back in the old era. Back when that bit of land was still alive and even needed to eat, obviously. ¡®Needing to eat¡¯. Ah, that explains my headache. When I have headaches from the glare I never really notice the prettiness of everything outside, and I did notice it today so¡­ ¡­uh. Okay. There is the deity singing at me. ¡°Human, you need to¨C¡± I¡¯m still not fluent at the language, there¡¯s a really big word in there. ¡°¨Cwhich is a ritual the likes of you would never know. o Oh no, he¡¯s throwing a lot of compound words, focus (even if it would be nicer to think about the food; oh right and I¡¯ll pick up the cat food after this since I remember hearing years ago that some deities really hate the smell of cat food but who even knows if that¡¯s true) and there¡¯s words. There are definitely words. Being said. By the deity. Compound words mostly, the type the deities only really use among themselves. ¡°And the filthy [??]¨C¡± Compound word with ¡®magic¡¯ in it? And ¡®person¡¯? And several other words too, it¡¯s a long compound word. ¡°¨Cthey definitely don¡¯t understand the games they¡¯re playing, and I assure you they shall be smited at my nearest convenience. Of course the others and I agree to disagree on the method, but¨C¡± Definitely words. Most of them are not related to what I came here to do. Um. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. I bring out my mini-harp, carefully singing & playing the words, ¡°Good divine one, respectable deity, might you have the kindness to repeat the most relevant points of what you so eloquently just uttered, as I have come here to inquire not about the good folk you wish to smite but rather about the disturbance caused to the students studying at the nearby school, as your voice & harp-ribcage & leg-drum are excessively loud despite sounding quite so wonderful when played at a safer volume?¡± I attempted to sing/play/speak that, since that¡¯s the safe level of politeness. Attempted, since I forgot how to say that phrase (only to remember it a split second too late) and just said, ¡°Repeat.¡± He was nearly about to glare at me, so I added in, ¡°Please.¡± ¡­ It isn¡¯t going to work today either, is it? ¡­ He¡¯s glaring at me. I wish one of the translators were able to make it today. No clue why Camellia thought I¡¯d be good at this. The etiquette, I never understood the etiquette. ¡°Greetings, kind deity,¡± I try again. ¡°I¡¯m simply here to say this: You are loud. Kindly be less loud. There are students studying in the school nearby.¡± He squints at me. ¡°So you¡¯re not one of the¨C¡± that long, long compound word with ¡®magic¡¯ and ¡®person¡¯ again. ¡°No. I am not one of them.¡± ¡­ He stopped glaring, that¡¯s progress! Still silent, though. Generally, unless you¡¯re apologising, you really shouldn¡¯t speak more to the gods unless they speak back (unless there¡¯s something I¡¯m missing?). Generally, they do speak back (unless there¡¯s something I¡¯m missing?). Either they attack you or they speak back and tell you to go away or they¡¯ll throw you off the overhang above the mountain (I miss the days of negotiating with deities on the flight travel paths). Sounds. There¡¯s the children leaving the school. There¡¯s the gentle murmurs of the gods attached to the mound behind the school, and the ones above, in the overhangs, who this particular deity on the hill used to argue with. I guess me standing here awkwardly keeps him quiet, at least. Since the other sounds are mostly serene. Sure wish the deity here would speak though. He isn¡¯t even touching the harp in his ribcage, or tapping the drum protruding from his leg, or moving his lips in the slightest. More minutes. The children sound okay. That¡¯s nice. This deity is still staring. Unsure if it¡¯s a glare at this point or not. I¡¯m not sure what I¡¯m supposed to do. Okay! Give up for now, walk away now. I honestly should¡¯ve stuck to helping travellers going through the areas blocked by the deities, at least the deities high up on the ground are nicer and less arrogant about needing to be hyper-polite and they care more about the terms of negotiation (¡°okay, how long are you willing to stay out of the way? Here¡¯s how long our travellers might take to move¡±) instead of¨C Ah, just get Camellia tomorrow. He¡¯s actually good at speaking to these people. Not just the language, he¡¯s good with the etiquette and such too. I tried, but the deities who think themself too superior are just¡­ no, I¡¯m just going to get the cat food. I got the litter already, apparently the oven produced a small supply of food which this cat specifically can eat, since she was made out of the oven. Apparently she still needs to get real food, though. I¡¯ll see Epiprocta about it. Chapter 3 ¡°Hello Epiprocta,¡± I say as I step in, kitten in arms. ¡°Lavan Nacli, yes?¡± she asks. I nod. ¡°Just call me Epi.¡± ¡°Yes Epi. I guess you remembered me from, uh¡­¡± There was¡­ an incident, underground. ¡°In the tunnels, yes.¡± ¡°The howling, winding god gut tunnels,¡± I almost say. Almost, since she must remember it all too well, judging from her grimace. No one needs to remember it. ¡°And who¡¯s this?¡± she asks, wiping the grimace away. ¡°Oh, the cat! I named her Loaf. My oven materialized her into existence just this afternoon.¡± I shrug. She blinks. ¡°Does¡­ does your oven do that often?¡± ¡°Occasionally. It was just bugs before though.¡± ¡°And are all of them so¡­ can I take a look at the cat a moment?¡± ¡°You¡¯re the vet, so sure.¡± She examines Ms Loaf and little Loaf is perfectly cooperative, hissing only once or twice. ¡°That¡¯s bio-gold fur, yeah¡­¡± Epi mutters. ¡°Have you told too many people about that oven?¡± ¡°No, not really. It¡¯s only slightly weirder than most other appliances anyway. And it¡¯s sort of¡­ connected to the ground?¡± I shrug again, since the oven is strange, but in the same way everything else is. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t be any use removing it, since you probably can¡¯t. And I don¡¯t want to start up a fuss, it¡¯s a very nice oven, you see. Quite jovial.¡± ¡°I see. And how old is the oven?¡± ¡°No clue.¡± ¡°Can you ask it?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve asked questions like that before, actually. It just starts singing quietly.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± She pets Ms Loaf and says, ¡°The kitten seems healthy, though the fur is¡­ uh¡­ strangely reminiscent of animals from the Chamkili era? Instead of the modern era?¡± ¡°With the gold plate, right? I noticed, it grows till she sheds it or cleans herself. And it looks brownish-blackish depending on the lighting. That¡¯s why I wanted to ask you if there¡¯s anything I should do different, diet and grooming and such.¡± The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°And nothing else?¡± she asks. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Just advice on taking care of the cat?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± I don¡¯t know what she¡¯s thinking here. ¡°I mean, I just have a cat now so¡­ don¡¯t know what you¡¯re implying I should do.¡± ¡°Ah, no, you¡¯re good,¡± she says, laughing a bit nervously. ¡°No laws against it or anything¨C¡± Now I laugh. ¡°Who follows the laws here?¡± Sure, people bring up the occasional law at the mountain borders, but that¡¯s only in negotiations with the deities. ¡°Good point, good point,¡± Epi says, ¡°since there isn¡¯t anything which¡­ well, I would like to ask you more about that oven later, but let¡¯s just get back to the cat.¡± ¡°Thank you, yes.¡± Ms Loaf walks around Epiprocta¡¯s office as I write down everything I need to know about her diet and grooming and how it differs from a modern cat. Since apparently she¡¯s closer to a cat from 200 years ago, before the old blue moss god died after having spread its body into the landscape. I suppose Epi still has questions about how and why when it comes to the oven and the cat and why exactly Loaf is so much like a Chamkili era cat, but really she¡¯s just unique. Epi even picks her up a moment to show how her teeth are a little different, a bit more shiny. ¡°You noticed the gold-looking plating on her coat already, yes? There¡¯s something similar on her teeth, though it doesn¡¯t exactly¨C¡± Ms Loaf makes her escape. ¡°¨Cthe tooth plating does not shed.¡± Loaf has found a window and is escaping towards it so I grab her quickly. She can run around when we get home. ¡°Do keep an eye on the changes of teeth sheen, though. There might be a problem if the colour of the sheen changes, or if it gets dull.¡± Her food is thankfully fairly similar to a regular cat¡¯s, I just need to add some extra ingredients to it. Apparently Epi has seen other people whose cats are an awful lot like Chamkili era cats. I asked her if those others also materialized from ovens, and¡­ I don¡¯t think she wanted to talk about it. Went oddly quiet. Oh well. I¡¯m headed home now, with quite a nice useful store of knowledge. And Epi was kind enough to give me some good food to start with. And the oven and cat are the least of my problems, considering the¡­ ugh. Deity negotiations. I get to stare up and around on my way home. Sometimes the gods grow their limbs up to reach the clouds. Some of them are already fairly close to them, of course, but it seems reaching up takes more effort than growing their bodies out into the ground, spreading out like the roots of a tree. Or sometimes forming structures which look like trees. Those are very common, actually, sometimes you¡¯ll find a nice looking nima tree and a nice little nima will drop from it, but then you take a bite and get a mouthful of ichor. Bite right into a god, get a taste of the stuff in their veins. The right chemist can figure out how to make regenerative tinctures from it, but you have to store the ichor really carefully for it to be useful. Anyway¡­ it¡¯ll be too late by the time I get back home, so I¡¯ll just talk to Camellia tomorrow. He¡¯ll know how to handle that one noisy deity, and he knows the god language well enough to understand what that weird long ¡°magic person¡± compound word meant. Camellia will know quite a lot and he will hopefully be able to set me free from handling the stationary deities. I just want to get to the border negotiations, those gods actually make some sense and don¡¯t have weird random lingo and overly complex politics and¨C and I nearly hit my head on the door. Fantastic. Heading inside, I set Ms Loaf free from my arms and give her some food in her bowl for the night. Then I set myself free from thought and wakefulness, and collapse into bed. Chapter 4 ¡°You know,¡± Camellia says, ¡°your oven technically counts as a god.¡± ¡°Cool,¡± I say. ¡°I¡¯m not joking.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± There is a silence as I bring out our tea. We¡¯re sitting outside my little house, and the cat is sleeping near Camellia¡¯s feet. She warmed up to him pretty quickly, perhaps because of his cordiality towards the oven. She hisses and gets unusually quiet when I clean it out, too, so perhaps she and the oven have a connection. Not relevant right now though. ¡°Why do you think that?¡± I finally ask. ¡°Appliances don¡¯t have to be sprouted from a god to talk, but¡­ creating life?¡± ¡°Any old fool can do that.¡± ¡°Old fools who are human or gods, though.¡± ¡°The boundary between both can be pretty thin.¡± ¡°Only for young gods. We¡¯re talking about old fools.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let the oven call you an old fool.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t live with it, I can call it whatever I want.¡± I do want to say, ¡°I like having you around, so please be friendly with the oven and do not anger it if it is a god like you say,¡± but that¡¯s a little¡­ well, I just shrug. Shrugging is better. ¡°Anyway. I don¡¯t think the oven is an old fool,¡± he continues, ¡°but that it was sprouted from an old fool. Who is also a god.¡± ¡°Because it can make life.¡± ¡°And because it¡¯s got that¡­ tone of voice? That way of speaking?¡± He furrows his brow, tapping his teacup with his long slender fingers. ¡°I swear I knew a god who spoke the exact same way it did.¡± ¡°Okay, I¡¯m starting to believe you, but I did not ask you to come here for this reason.¡± ¡°Oh, right. The deity on the hill.¡± ¡°Yes. He was saying something about some¡­ magic people.¡± I hum the melody of the parts of the word I do remember. ¡°Very long compound word, I didn¡¯t catch it fully.¡± Camellia just takes a moment to stare into the distance. ¡°Hm. Yeah, I can talk to it.¡± ¡°Thank you!¡± ¡°But if the word was what I think it is¡­¡± He shakes his head. ¡°I don¡¯t know, I think might be connected to that oven.¡± ¡°What are you talking about? Epiprocta seemed suspicious of the oven too.¡± ¡°Mm. She¡¯s not the¡­ actually, there¡¯s something going on with the gods?¡± ¡°And is it perhaps related to why some of them are being particularly obstructive? Is it perhaps related to why I can¡¯t just go back to the negotiating with the deities at the air travel paths¨C¡± ¡°We need more people with the stationary gods.¡± ¡°I¡¯m horrible with the stationary gods, most of the disruptive ones are uncooperative pieces of shit and I can barely understand all the random words , get someone better!¡± The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I definitely yelled. I did not expect to yell, or to end up waking Ms Loaf, who is now staring at me alongside Camellia. ¡°Sorry,¡± I say. ¡°Well¡­ you¡¯re kind of right. They are pretty uncooperative. Much more than the ones at the travel paths. But, but. You might think you¡¯re bad with the stationary gods, okay, sure. But we don¡¯t have many people who are up to the job.¡± ¡°Wow, the bar is on the ground then.¡± ¡°Actually¨C¡± ¡°Anyway,¡± I try steering the conversation away. ¡°So it¡¯s confirmed that you¡¯ll talk to that deity, yes?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And the oven, uh¡­¡± ¡°Yeah, I should be straightforward: Whatever deity it has sprouted up from, it might have to do with¡­ something which the deities are all angry about? It¡¯s been hard for us translators to fully parse out what they¡¯re talking about, they¡¯ve had to make up new words for whatever it is and the whole thing might involve some¡­ you¡¯ve heard the rumours of a certain faction, yes?¡± ¡°The witches. Oh, wait.¡± Clicks into place. ¡°Was that what that long ¡®magic person¡¯ compound word was? ¡®Witch¡¯?¡± Camellia gives me the most awkward, most stilted, least casual shrug I have ever seen. ¡°There¡¯s no confirmation that the witches are real, per se? Or organized?¡± ¡°You mean you don¡¯t believe it, and a couple of the other translators also don¡¯t believe it. But there are some who do. And you¡¯re all in disagreement.¡± ¡°Basically, yes. Also¨C¡± That awful shrug again. ¡°¨Cyou¡¯re right to be a bit careful with the oven. No clue what part it¡¯s playing in the whole¡­ unrest¡­ but if there¡¯s any incidents¨C¡± ¡°Yes, yes, you can interrogate the oven then.¡± ¡°Or it might give us the information itself. Who knows.¡± I laugh. ¡°No, no it won¡¯t. Too cryptic for such a thing.¡± ¡°Cryptic, makes me suspect it of being a god even more.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not denying that, but I can¡¯t confirm it either. And neither can you, till that ¡®unrest¡¯ you talk of actually ends up leading to any of those¡­ ¡®incidents¡¯. Oh, and be careful, ¡° I tell him. ¡°The dragonflies are getting into your tea.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it actually tastes pretty good.¡± He takes a sip of the dragonfly tea. I laugh. ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± ¡°The list is endless!¡± Somehow I doubt that, but I might end up saying something about him having really magical eyes and actually glowing whenever he smiles and having a laugh and face which¨C none of that is relevant, I mostly talk to this guy for the deity translation thing, which¨C And then I realise I was completely silent for the several seconds it took to think all that! I think he¡¯s waiting for a response. And so I cease to function, naturally. Good job. Sip your tea. ¡°Ey, at least I¡¯m not wrong about it. The tea, I mean,¡± he says. ¡°It¡¯s definitely edible, since there¡¯s no poisons in these bugs. Pretty sure some got into your cup too.¡± ¡°Hm? What?¡± I un-cease to function a little and indeed. Dragonfly in cup. ¡°Oh. Oh, you¡¯re right.¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°It actually tastes fine.¡± A little bit of a strange bittersweetness. ¡°But the pieces of the dragonfly wings aren¡¯t so good, are they?¡± ¡°No.¡± I sip more. ¡°I actually already knew that the dragonflies around here aren¡¯t poisonous.¡± ¡°Really? It¡¯s not common knowledge.¡± ¡°Epi told me. Ms Loaf needs dragonflies in her diet, since she¡¯s not a normal cat.¡± ¡°Ah, right. Oven kitty.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± The rest of the conversation is pretty normal. And nice. Both of us have the day off, and this is after a whole week of¡­ a whole week of things we decide to ignore as we talk. For the next couple hours, I tell him about all the little things I see every day which make me happy even on the worst days since they¡¯re so beautiful, and he tells me about his sister. The games they¡¯d play as they wandered around the strangest parts of the landscape. They didn¡¯t even know the dangers of angering the gods. The gods where they were grew up were actually quite kind to children. So Camellia and his sister would have games where one of them would be on ¡®weird land¡¯ aka the gods¡¯ bodies, and the other would be on regular terrain. And they¡¯d sometimes listen to the gods¡¯ song language. And then Camellia learned that that music was a language. Started learning it, started his path of becoming a translator. All in all, it¡¯s been a nice day. Chapter 5 An entire day of negotiating with a couple irate deities (let¡¯s not think about it), being lectured by them about the horrors of the winding god gut tunnels as if I haven¡¯t been down there (let¡¯s not think about it), but the one good thing? I have come back home to a bouncy little kitten and a sleeping oven, humming in its sleep. Loaf has camouflaged into the ¡®sun¡¯light. She keeps doing this so she can sneak up behind me. Apparently the oven taught her this. She¡¯s in quite the spritely mood at the moment, hopping all around. She¡¯s grown a little bigger, I think. Not that I can tell right now since she is but a blurry golden ball, zooming all around. The oven is asleep I do want to just collapse on a chair, but I need to eat. Just cook one hillfish, it¡¯ll only take a couple minutes. I want to do something with dragonflies too, Camellia convinced me that they might be okay as food (in front of him, of course, I only begrudgingly half-agreed and that¡¯s it). Gave me tips for how exactly to cook them, and so here I am. Quite a lot of noise outside. Not surprising, from what Camellia was telling me. Something to do with the possible ¡®witches¡¯ all these gods have been angry about. I mean, the whole witches thing is a bit strange since everyone does a little bit of magic to an extent (how else could we live on a planet orbiting a black hole?), but the gods are really angry about these ¡®witches¡¯ for¡­ reasons? My day was spent getting the gods to stop being a nuisance to the people just trying to go about their day and getting blasted by sound waves and sudden god-sprouts and fountains of ichor. So I didn¡¯t ask much about the witches (they¡¯d get angrier, not what I wanted), and I just got the vague idea that they apparently see these folks as a threat of some sort. And what are they doing? Who knows. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Anyway. Something is happening, apparently. Right now. There are strange people outside. Wearing strange things. Doing strange things. Magic, it seems. I should be concerned about this, probably. Certainly the deities are. The angry music of their strange language is quite nice to hear though. At times like this, I feel glad to not be fluent in their languages, so it really does just sound like music. Fairly intense music at times, but whatever. Hm. I think some of the gods are speaking the human language now. Not all of them have the larynx (or mouth, or tongue, or lungs) for that. Most of them don¡¯t grow these features out and the ones who do, they wouldn¡¯t deign to use their humanlike voices unless it was something serious. Yet there they are, yelling almost. So it¡¯s probably something serious. It¡¯ll probably last for a couple days, and that¡¯s at minimum. ¡­ Well, time to close the windows. There¡¯s that nice spray I got, for temporary soundproofing. Gave out a couple cans while on the job too, it¡¯s great. Molecules absorb the sound while suspended in the air. Temporary so I¡¯ll have to clean the entrance chamber (it¡¯s separate from the rest of the house thankfully) but it¡¯s worth it. Apparently the spray is safe for cats, but I¡¯m still going to lock the entrance chamber. I did my job for today, I¡¯m not bothering with whatever¡¯s going on outside until tomorrow. My hillfish is done. And the dragonflies really do taste nice, Camellia was right. I think I¡¯ll take a nap after this. Ms Loaf seems inclined to agree with me, as she has stopped zooming around and is curling up on top of the oven. Not asleep yet, of course, but it¡¯s only a matter of time. I¡¯m going to fall asleep right here on the sofa after I¡¯m done eating, I just know it. And then the oven will laugh at me because every time I do that I wind up looking incredibly stupid. And honestly, that¡¯s fine. I¡¯m too tired to care. And the oven deserves some entertainment, cooped up in this house. I wonder what it will think of the stuff happening outside. Not a lot I bet. I bet it¡¯s tired too. I sure am. Sleep, take me away as soon as possible¡­ Chapter 6 You know one thing about the gods'' blood? It''s gorgeous. It''s beautiful. Depending on what type of sprout you¡¯re looking at (human-esque organ, or plant life, or a building), the colour of the ichor can be anything from a deep maroon to gold to a burnt bread colour. No matter what, it¡¯s always iridescent. Mesmerizing it is to move around and see the multicolour sheen upon the top layer shift and change as you change the angle from which you look at it. Mesmerizing to think of the blood¡¯s power as well, but also terrifying. A couple drops swallowed by accident because you didn¡¯t realise the fruit on the ground was from a god¡¯s sprout is one thing, at most you¡¯ll get a bit high. But harvesting more than that¡­ well, there have been some crackpot theories about how regular humans might get the gods¡¯ power through their blood. Consuming it, or using it as some type of fuel. None of these theories have borne anything useful, though. Just gotten people killed. And why am I thinking about all this? ¡°I don¡¯t know how, but I feel a bit dizzy.¡± The oven said this right before I went outside, thinking I¡¯d ask someone to help out with the oven¡¯s dizziness. That is when I saw a trail of ichor right in front of my house. Its colour is a mustard yellow. Much more muted than the gold of regular plant life or of a creature like Loaf. The blood of the gods¡¯ main body (the ¡®centre of growth¡¯ from which they originate) is a different hue than their various sprouts. This mustard yellow? Main body blood. A god was hurt, directly hurt. The trail. I should definitely follow it and I should definitely find out what is happening. I should. I really don¡¯t want to, though. I don¡¯t want to find out what¡¯s happening with the gods now, and why this blood looks so fresh, and who spilt it, and I do have some theories about what happened (those ¡®magic people¡¯, those ¡®witches¡¯¡­), but do I want to confirm them? Right now, when I¡¯m just very, very tired and nothing else? Yes, yes, ¡°Lavan, if you¡¯re tired, how come you were planning to ask someone to help with the oven¡¯s dizziness?¡±, that is a fair point. But it¡¯s different when I know there will probably be some type of conflict and that I¡¯m just¡­ the dialects of the gods at the borders of the districts are different from the gods in the inner regions. Etiquette, too. I¡¯m more familiar with the gods at the borders and, more importantly, I actually understand how to resolve conflict when it comes to them. What if I go out to investigate this ichor trail now and I just worsen whatever brand-new conflict has started? I think the witches could be real, even if Camellia is suspicious about them. I think maybe they did some innovation with the regular everyday magic everyone uses and just weaponised it, something like that, and¡­ Stolen story; please report. Oh no. While I was having this stupid internal debate, Loaf slipped out the open door and she is licking the ichor. ¡°No no nonono!¡± I pick her up and run back inside. Slam the door with her in one arm, and lock it, and run as if I¡¯m trying to escape the ichor¨C as if that would help! Check Loaf for signs of ichor poisoning, you fool! I clean the ichor off her paws, since she stepped in it, and I clean it off of all of her fur so she doesn¡¯t lick in any more of it or anything and she seems calm, perhaps a little bemused at the way I ran inside (I hope I¡¯m imagining that, though!) but normal, but that is not a sure sign of her not being poisoned and I need to get her to Epiprocta as quickly as possible and¨C ¡°Lavan?¡± the oven says. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°You seemed worried. For no reason.¡± ¡°There is a good reason¨C¡± ¡°Not really. Loaf is alright.¡± It puts a smile into the air. ¡°And actually, so am I!¡± That tone it had just now was suspiciously cheerful. ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± ¡°I think the ichor helped. I think it¡¯s good for us. Both for me and the loaf.¡± ¡­ ¡­okay, this definitely means¡­ many, many things. Something should be clicking in my head right about now (but did I mention I¡¯m tired), but there¡¯s too many different things clicking and¡­ The oven is humming in happiness. I take what feels like many centuries (probably just seconds) to stare out into the emptiness. Okay. Loaf seems perfectly normal. But I still don¡¯t understand the connection between the cat and the oven (the connection of food and energy, that is), and acting normal doesn¡¯t mean she isn¡¯t poisoned, how much can the oven detect about her health anyway? Okay, okay. I¡¯m just going to drop Loaf off at Epiprocta¡¯s so she can make sure she¡¯s okay. But I need to investigate the ichor trail. I don¡¯t know much about the effects that occur from a god drinking ichor¡­ and if Loaf and the oven¡¯s digestive tracts(?) are connected, then the effect of drinking the ichor¨C how did anyone even manage to spill THAT much ichor, actually? How did someone manage to damage a god that badly? Because even with the sprouts, they heal their wounds so very quickly and the gods¡¯ main bodies are even more durable (and I¡¯m pretty sure the mustard) something is happening, I need to figure it out. Mini-harp and kitten in hand, I head on out. Chapter 7 The ichor congeals as I follow its trail. It still shimmers a bit, but¡­ well¡­ it looks more and more similar to human blood. The trail is also growing thicker the more I follow it and it leads me to a very injured god. The source of the ichor is a patch of their skin which looks like a bunch of stone. It looks like some type of boulder was taken out of it. Maybe the attackers carried this boulder away? Their torso is hollowed out with a harp in it, a flute stuck to what remains of their skull, two eyes as big as my head, and four arms. One pair near the flute, the other near the harp. This particular god, they''re part of the Arc. It''s, well, it''s an arc of dirt and rock and it''s got a bunch of different gods fused into it. Some on the inside, some on the outside. They can grow sprouts of eyes and ears to see and hear around different parts of the Arc, just like any god. The gods of the Arc are¡­ they consider themselves even godlier than any other gods. So they¡¯re even more insufferable. Some of the other deities are asleep, and with some you can''t tell, since their faces¡­ they''re not quite faces. The gods of the Arc aren''t a chatty group, but they could definitely be communicating to others through their sprouts. They have no respect for humans, so even if the attackers were human, I doubt they''d be communicating to any human authorities to get them to track said attackers down. Which is one explanation for why I can''t see anyone else here. Besides the fact that maybe someone else followed the attackers already and apprehended them (in which case, thank goodness). Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. I ready my harp as I approach. "Hello," I sing and play. "Hello. Call me Fifth-God-Of-Left-Side-Of-The-Arc-Whose-Head-Used-To-Be-Coloured-Half-Periwinkle." I notice some of the strings on this god''s harp have been snapped, so they¡¯re vibrating the air directly to say some of the syllables. ¡°A respectful hello, Fifth-God-Of-Left-Side-Of-The-Arc-Whose-Head-Used-To-Be-Coloured-Half-Periwinkle,¡± I greet them, nicknaming them Periwinkle in my head. Not that I¡¯d say that to their face. Periwinkle turns one eye towards me, and the other swivels around, surveying the whole area. The landscape, the other sleeping gods. "You''re here because of the¨C" That long word I''m translating as "witches" pops up again. "I saw the trail of ichor." Periwinkle laughs. ¡°Of course you did. Too hard not to notice, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°And that was your blood?¡± More vibrations of the air, reverberations of the laughter. ¡°Go away. Go after the ichor-spillers if you want. Even if you don¡¯t¡­¡± More laughter, and some mutterings of overly complicated words which require the flute, the harp, the air itself, and maybe some rocks. ¡°You¡¯ll find out eventually either way.¡± More rocks! It¡¯s not just percussion-grammar, I think, since they¡¯re definitely trying to get the rocks to hit me. ¡°I¡¯ll be on my way, then,¡± I say, as politely as possible. Chapter 8 I have to retrace my steps, following the ichor trail back home and then off to wherever it leads later on. But before that (and after leaving Periwinkle¡¯s onslaught of pebbles), I need to find the nearest comms faux-tree and tell some actually competent people about the¡­ situation. ¡°Addressed to the Human-God Communications Guild ¡ª Hello. It seems I am the first to spot the assault of a deity who resides in the Arc. Or maybe not. Anyway¡­ ichor trail, and Uncooperative god who goes by Fifth-God-Of-Left-Side-Of-The-Arc-Whose-Head-Used-To-Be-Coloured-Half-Periwinkle was attacked by people with peculiar magical abilities. The assailants have left a very, very obvious trail of ichor behind. Periwinkle is not very interested in explaining the situation.¡± I wait a bit to see how soon the response comes. And it barely takes a minute. ¡°The ichor trail was already noticed. Communications with the deities of the Arc will be started in light of your intel. Thank you. Please wait for further updates from the Guild soon. Stay on stand-by. P.S: Make messages as concise as possible when communicating with the Guild.¡± So they didn¡¯t realise the ichor was from the Arc. I guess it makes sense. My house is the closest to the Arc after all. No one else really wanted to take that house since there¡¯s so many god sprouts in every corner, and mostly sentient sprouts. Or sprouts which are extensions of a god¡¯s conscioussness ¡ª some don¡¯t think that that god-sprouts with their own consciousnesses exist, saying that it¡¯s all part of the original god¡¯s consciousness. I¡¯d disagree, since I¡¯ve seen a tree that knew it was part of some Waterfall deity¡¯s consciousness, but it didn¡¯t care much about said deity and wanted to talk more about the black hole we¡¯re orbiting. And about the blue fungi apocalypse of a few centuries ago. A very strange tree. Anyway¡­ I have been standing at the comms faux-tree staring vacantly for quite a bit. Just a little message to Camellia and then I¡¯ll go pick up Loaf from Epiprocta¡¯s place. ¡°Camellia: Hi. Are you busy with the ichor trail thing? You probably are. Hope you find something out. I talked to the deity (Periwinkle of the Arc) who was attacked and whose ichor is trailing, but didn¡¯t hear much. Just got a vague ¡®yes we will investigate it¡¯ from the Guild.¡± This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. I wait just a minute . ¡°Lavan: They¡¯re not letting me look into the ichor trail. They¡¯re not letting me talk to any deities about it. I¡¯m the best translator they have for sedentary deities ¡ª¡± Not true, there¡¯s a couple who are better. ¡°¡ª but they still won¡¯t let me look into it. Said to be on stand-by. Can you believe it? I¡¯m still going to try and figure it out though.¡± ¡°They told me to be on stand-by too. Probably since I¡¯m better with the travelling ones. It does seem like the ¡®witches¡¯ theory might be correct. People who are using magic in a peculiar way. I still don¡¯t fully get it, but I figured it out from what the deity said.¡± I wait a second, and then notice the inside of the tree squirming and gurgling gently. So another message is coming. It comes, and Camellia says: ¡°Some of the powerful ones at the Guild (Ferrus, Haema, etc) think the witches are people using the power of the deities for themselves. These are the people who have gone to follow the ichor trail, by the way. But I don¡¯t think it¡¯s witches, I think it¡¯s someone trying to make some type of drugs from the ichor. I heard a lot of deities talk about people asking to draw their blood for that purpose in the past month. What I think is that the ichor supplier must be trying to purposely lead us to the creators. That¡¯s the only explanation for the trail, and it lines up with the drug makers. Especially with how unlikely the witches thing is.¡± ¡°How exactly did they injure a deity to this point, though?! You didn¡¯t see the deity¡¯s wounds. Their main body was actually hurt. Not just a weak sprout. Their actual body, and a very stony, strong part at that. What normal person can do that?¡± ¡°You make good points, Lavan, but I¡¯m still not convinced about the ¡®witches¡¯. How would they even make the ichor useable for their own magic? Countless attempts at using ichor for strong magic have failed. But let¡¯s say someone did figure it out, finally. Why would they leave a trail? A clear trail that anyone can follow, and such a long trail at that? Why would they waste the ichor? There¡¯s so much that doesn¡¯t add up. May Ferrus and Haema and the others rot, I¡¯m going to figure it out.¡± That last sentence is strange, since he¡¯s usually very laidback. But alright. Not like I know much about Guild drama. ¡°Good luck,¡± is all I write, before going off to see Epiprocta. I¡¯m not going to blame him for trying to investigate, I¡¯d do the same if I wasn¡¯t completely out of my depth. Chapter 9 ¡°Witches, Epiprocta,¡± I say, entering her clinic. ¡°Hello Lavan. Loaf is alright, the ichor didn¡¯t do anything to her.¡± She picks up Loaf to let her know I¡¯m here, then places her on the floor so she can run over to me. ¡°Anyway, what are you talking about?¡± ¡°Ichor trail, the ichor trail,¡± I say, scratching Loaf behind the ears. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be too anxious about it, but¡­ witches. Could be witches. It¡¯s really strange because¨C¡± ¡°Stop.¡± Epi smiles at me, a bit icy. ¡°I have no clue what you¡¯re talking about. Because you¡¯re basically talking to yourself.¡± Oh no she¡¯s right. ¡°It seems very interesting, but start from the beginning please.¡± ¡°Okay, sorry.¡± So I start from the beginning and tell her all about it. The Periwinkle god. The fact that a normal person couldn¡¯t have injured them so directly. The things Camellia mentioned. Loaf escapes onto the floor to clean her fur. ¡°How far does the trail go beyond your house, anyway?¡± she asks at the end. ¡°Uh. I have no clue. Far enough that the others in the Guild have seen it.¡± ¡°I see.¡± Her head seems to be elsewhere for a moment. ¡°So they¡¯re strong enough for it now¡­¡± ¡°Who¡¯s strong enough for what now?¡± This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. ¡°Don¡¯t even worry about it.¡± ¡°I think I will, actually.¡± She frowns. ¡°I can¡¯t tell you much about that, Lavan. Worry about your cat for now.¡± ¡°What does she have to do with it?¡± ¡°The obvious.¡± ¡°And can you tell me the obvious?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s obvious.¡± ¡°Is it? Is it really?¡± ¡°Well, that cat is a god sprout which isn¡¯t connected to a god!¡± She flails her hand around a bit. ¡°This cat materializes and within barely two weeks, a bunch of¡­ ¡®witches¡¯ get the power to hurt a deity?¡± ¡°So the cat is¡­?¡± ¡°Probably just a side effect of whatever led to that.¡± ¡°And do you know what led to it?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Will you tell me more?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Later?¡± ¡°You should go home.¡± ¡°Would it maybe be possible if some circumstances change?¡± ¡°Can I tell the future? No. So I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll be able to. Go home.¡± She picks up Loaf, hands her over to me, and opens the door in the most polite way she can manage. So fine, I leave. I want to head straight to bed and sleep for 15 hours or so. Down a can of melatonin, get deep, dreamless sleep. Instead, I start trying to look for Camellia, bag slung onto my shoulder and Ms Loaf in my arms. Chapter 10 ¡°Hi. Where are you?¡± ¡°The Eldest Brother Gods¡¯ Arm-Hill. The cliff part. Why?¡± This was the very quick exchange I had at comms faux-tree near my house with Camellia, before heading up to the hill. With the cat. The ichor trail gets narrower and narrower the further it gets from the Arc, and it seems to approach the foot of the hill. Goes on beyond the hill, on the road, but it definitely seems like they almost made the trail go up the hill before they stopped. Up we go and there is Camellia, who was probably doing something before he heard me stomping up the hill. ¡°Hello.¡± ¡°Lavan, you¡¯re not supposed to be here.¡± ¡°Neither are you.¡± ¡°I wanted to investigate.¡± ¡°So did I.¡± ¡°Why? At least it¡¯s sort of relevant to my work, the gods will talk about this and have worries about the situation and whatnot, it will affect human-god interaction.¡± ¡°We do the SAME work though. How do you just forget something like¨C¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± "Just because you''re assigned to the slightly more humanoid gods doesn''t mean my work isn''t as important, just because the Arc gods talk about all this news in a way that makes no sense¨C they''re still going to talk about it! Just in a horribly oblique way! I have as much reason to be here as you and my stupid inadequate work is¨C" I decide to shut up suddenly. Because that''s just too much and I think he gets the gist of it. I can''t read his face but he probably gets it. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. A moment of silence and he says, ¡°Sorry," again. ¡°Could''ve waited for updates from the others," I say. "Both of us." "I just need to know, though." He gestures around flimsily like he wants to say what, "need to know" even means, but can''t. "Same. It''s a flimsy reason. Since again, we could wait and it wouldn''t really ¡°So there¡¯s no point arguing this?¡± ¡°No.¡± So I look around at the rocks. They create a border between the Brother Gods¡¯ flesh and the dirt. Though of course, both have merged together through the decades, so most of the dirt is really just dead flesh. Point is, don¡¯t wake up the gods. Do not bother them. There¡¯s ichor, but not a trail. Drops scattered. ¡°It seems the attackers came up here to¡­ eh¡­¡± Camellia looks at a scroll he''s taken out from his backpack. "Why did they sprinkle around the blood¡­" "Maybe they''re witches and this has something to do with the "Also, why is the cat here?" Oh right. I fully forgot about Ms Loaf, who is contently sleeping in my arms as of now. "You were the first to say she might be a god. Or, no, you meant the oven, but the oven created her so¡­" "Huh. You think the presence of ichor might¡­" He trails off and raises his eyebrows. "Firstly, I wasn''t thinking," is what I don''t say, since he doesn''t need to know that. Instead I opt for, "The oven is connected to her, and it felt better when she licked a bit of that ichor trail. Took her to Epi, who said she was fine. Epi also seems to know something about the witches thing, which¡­" "So you''ve got a creature who was sprouted from a god sprout, who isn''t physically connected to any network of god sprouts, but is still connected to the oven in some way somehow¡­" "And I have no clue how that ties into the ichor." I shrug. "I''m not bringing her in front of any gods because that is not safe for a kitten, but there is definitely something going on." At this moment, Loaf wakes up and yawns and we coo over her for a bit. She then sees the scattered ichor drops and leaps towards them, hissing before she starts to lick it. Growling at them before licking each one. Chapter 11 My first instinct is to stop her from licking the weird substance because yes she was fine after that tiny bit of ichor, but what if it was just fresh ichor that''s safe, what if it got dangerous as the trail went on, what if maybe it actually did cause her suffering and the oven thrives off of¨C Point is, she has had 7 drops by the time I manage to wrangle her, because she''s zooming at the speed of light. I do not wrangle her successfully. She slips out like water, but she does not go back to drinking the ichor. She sits, dignified, and stares at my face. "She seems fine," Camellia says as I blink slowly at Loaf. "Look at the eyes, though." Loaf''s eyes have widened to a size that makes no sense. Big black voids, which is normal, but now there are golden flecks forming within. "I''ve seen that before in¨C" Camellia says before Loaf starts meowing and hops over the stones dividing the regular land and the Eldest Brother God''s flesh. She bites out a chunk. Then another. Claws dug in too. So I assume we''re all about to die, because the Brother''s arm (the hill itself) twitches. In the direction where the rest of the ichor trail goes, there''s a huge mass that just looks like flesh and dirt and rock, with a fence around it. That is the Eldest Brother God''s head. The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. He rotates towards us slowly, slowly, and then opens his eyes. The Eldest do not generally wake up, or move around much. With their age they''ve had to expand their bodies, spread them thinner so their vital organs (from when they were human) can be secured away in their god-sprouts. Brain and heart and such, just the bare essentials, since the rest of the organs are god-tissue. The Eldest only speak through temporary sprouts, through messengers. But right now, the Eldest Brother is using his own face. Mouth open for the melody, sung softly (meaning it''s just causing tremours instead of massive earthquakes), and the vibrations on his arm¡­ I suppose that''s supposed to be the rhythm? There''s a word or two resembling "you" and "think" and maybe "situation", but it''s not the regular versions of the words. "Camellia?" I look at him, and he''s¡­ I can''t read faces, but he''s probably shocked. Hopefully not too shocked. "Camellia, how old do you think this version of the gods¡¯ tongue is?" "200? 300 years? Eldest gods don''t talk much at all, he''s definitely not speaking the modern languages, but also, is he talking to the cat?" The god''s gaze certainly seems fixed on Ms Loaf. She''s a tiny kitten, being stared down by the hill she''s standing on. She has stopped eating the guy''s flesh though, thank goodness. "I didn''t pay enough attention to catch what he was saying," I say, "did you?" "No, distracted by the¡­ all that. He seems to be questioning her, maybe." Our talking is cut short when the Eldest goes silent, and turns his gaze from Loaf to the two of us. Chapter 12 A sprout forms, right next to Loaf. The Eldest''s main eyes are still on us, but this sprout doesn''t have eyes at all. Just a pillar with a flute, a harp, a pair of drums, and a pair of hands for each instrument. "Greetings, fragile humans. You have no clue what you have stepped into." It''s speaking in the modern gods'' language, so maybe the whole thing of using the old language was just a limitation of using the main head? Camellia already has his harp out and he says, "Greetings great Eldest Brother God. Kindly clarify your statement, thank you." "The puzzle pieces have been set. Something like this was bound to happen sooner or later, and the patterns in how the world works are delightfully predictable. The small creature understands this better than you do, being crucial in this turn of events." "I would love to¨C" Camellia messes up on the harp, and sings a small apology. His hands are shaking. Badly. "Greetings, great Eldest Brother Gods," I say. "We would like to know what events in particular you are referring to. We would also like to know the significance of the cat." "Odd that your companion ceased to talk. How weak." How I wish to tell him to shut up. "I would¨C" Need to be polite even if I don''t want to. "I would greatly appreciate it if you answered my questions. Are you referring to the ichor trail from¨C" "Yes, the ichor trail from the sad little Arc god. The type who don''t acknowledge their origins, their beginnings, the sheer powerlessness of humans and how they ascended from such a form and how impermanent it all is. They do not understand the fundamentals of their being, so they do not understand their strength nor their weaknesses." The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. I barely know what to say. This isn''t exactly a practical negotiation. Camellia whispers, "Let me take it now." So I let him. "It appears the¨C" He uses that long compound word, "horrible magic people". "¨Chave seized enough strength to injure a god. Did you predict such a thing as well?" "The gall of a creature such as you, when I could crush you with a boulder with a thought, kill you in a landslide. At least, I can do that now, in the present. All that''s true is this: Power shifts and flows." The god-sprout crumbles. I look at the god''s main face and the eyes are closed too. Loaf is quietly making her way to me, so I stash away my harp and pick her up from the god flesh. Some of the flesh and ichor is still on her fur. Nothing to clean it up with at the moment, though. "The Eldest," Camellia whispers. "The Eldest, the Eldest, the Eldest, the Eldest¡­" "Are you¨C" "Lavan, listen, the Eldest. I haven''t seen one talk to a human since¡­" He''s murmuring, lost in his own head. "¡­but that was a senile god, losing her mind, but she said something about patterns too¡­" "So there was an Eldest god before this who has said something about¡­ power shifting?" "But she was technically not an Eldest since she slept for a couple decades and she was definitely going insane and¨C" "You''re talking to yourself, man. Be clear." He goes silent. Half a minute or so and he seems to figure out what to say. "Firstly, my hands don''t usually shake that much." "I know, I wasn''t even going to ask about it." Since I know he''d hate that. "Yes. Well. They don''t. Not usually." "You had something more important to say, yes?" "Yes." He kind of rolls his eyes(?), some type of exasperation(?), maybe he''s bracing himself for his own words. "Everyone who said it was witches? I guess they were right." Chapter 13 "So you agree it was some type of humans who attacked the god?" I ask. "Made the ichor trail, witches?" "Mhm," says Camellia. "Soooo, you were wrong." "Rub it in more, why don''t you." "And who was right again? Ferrus, Haema, and who else, Argen?" "I was being sarcastic, don''t rub it in." "Didn''t mean to." "Oh." A pause. He laughs a tiny bit. "How are you accidentally sarcastic?" "It''s a mystery." "Sure is. Anyway, you also thought it was witches, right?" "Not entirely, I thought it probably was witches but it could''ve been something else¨C" "Like what?" "Extremely strange weather?" "You''re not serious." "I''m not. But you are." I point at his hands. "Still trembling." "That usually doesn''t happen." "Exactly, and you usually don''t just¡­ mutter near-nonsense at me either. What were you saying about that other Eldest?" "I mean¨C that was a different god, senile. She was barely ever awake. Always spoke about patterns. And how someday the power of the gods would be toppled." "Toppled." "Yes. By the witches. Which¡­" He sighs and shakes his head. "The drugs are probably somehow related to all this, but I guess it makes sense that they wouldn''t injure a god that bad for that." This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. "''Wouldn''t''? They couldn''t, Periwinkle pelted me with rocks for being mildly annoying¨C don''t laugh!" "No, I think I will." "I hate you." "No you don''t." No I don''t. "Point is," I continue, "Ichor for drug-making? Certainly it would be purer taken from the main body directly, but most gods would just kill you." "True. They''re better off getting ichor from the god gut tunnels at that point." I gag and go still. I can''t help it, even a mention of the god gut tunnels is enough for that. "Sorry," he says. I shake my head, hoping he understands it as, "don''t worry about it". I pet Loaf a bit and then put her in the second largest pocket of the bag. She just looks a bit sad now. I make sure to give her a treat and a kiss on the head, barely managing to avoid the ichor and god-flesh on her. It''s okay, she''s trying to groom herself to get it off. Which, clearly, seems to be¡­ she was compelled to communicate with a god because she licked it so I don''t think it''s alright for her to consume ichor, but she won''t die from it directly and whatever that was just now just seemed to be¡­ I don''t know! "All three of us have had a stressful day," I say. "Sure have," Camellia says, also petting Loaf. "I didn''t ask him why he was talking to the cat." "Neither did I." "Yes you did." "Not well enough." "They''re all like that. All the gods. They avoid your questions and you have to keep repeating before they stop talking." "Still would''ve been better if I was actually good at my job." And before he can reply to that, I say, "But we don''t have time for my pity party. Someone must''ve notice the Eldest Brother wake up just now. Felt it in the ground." "Great point, and we''re both supposed to be home." "Yes. And as far as anyone is concerned, we were definitely home the entire time." "Unless we get caught." "Or unless any of our information is important to the rest of the Guild. If it helps with what they want to do." Camellia does not respond to that. "You will tell them information if it''s important, yes?" I ask. He hesitates, but says, "Sure. I will." We head down the hill and I wish I could prod more (what''s his problem with the Guild?), but he''s closed off now. I know him, he''s not going to answer any questions like this. So I just glance at his chiselled little face, intensely burrowing holes ahead of him, and I save up my questions for later. "Camellia! Hello," says a loud and chipper voice. "And you''re Lavan, yeah?" Camellia''s soul pours out of his body right in front of me. Because right in front of us, before we''ve even reached the foot of the hill, we''ve already encountered Ferrus. Chapter 14 We wanted to pretend to be as inconspicuous as possible. Clearly not possible now. ¡°Hello," I say to Ferrus. "I thought you two had a day off," she says. "Yes, we do," Camellia says. "And we are enjoying it." "On this hill?" "Yes." "It''s generally understood that, when certain translators of the Guild are doing important work of diplomacy, anyone not involved in that case has to stay home." "We were¡­ concerned," I say flimsily. "Great excuse," Ferrus says. "Go home now. You know we notify the rest of the Guild when we finally need their help in matters like these and¨C" "Actually, Ferrus," Camellia interjects, "it just so happens that Lavan''s cat here had ran off." "To this hill? And neither of you mentioned it at first?" "You surprised me," I say, shrugging. "I got nervous." Somewhat true. "Fine, I''ll assume you''re not lying," she says, presumably thinking we''re lying. "How do you manage to communicate with the gods if you''re that nervous, anyway?" "The gods have some predictable patterns," I say. "The mobile gods at the borders and near checkpoints more than the stationary gods, though they''re all much more predictable than humans and with easier to understand codes of conduct and¨C" "Okay, okay, I got it," she says, shaking her head. "We''ll say you were only here for the cat. We''ll say that you¡ª" She looks at Camellia. "¡ªwere just here to help him. Even though you have a history of doing things which are¡­" "Yes, yes, I know, the Guild hates it when you put any real effort into your job and thinks it''s insubordination," Camellia says, rolling his eyes. "Sad that you didn''t shut up just now, Cam. I was about to ignore how we all could hear the Eldest Brother god speaking. Right before I found you here." "I''m guessing you didn''t hear what he said?" I ask, knowing that the gods can "concentrate" the sounds they make to a very narrow area, essentially sound-proofing it. "Of course we didn''t," Ferrus says. "If he didn''t control his voice there would be earthquakes everywhere." "Of course." I do not know what else she wants us to say? "He was just angry because Loaf stepped on his living skin!" says Camellia. "Loaf meaning the cat? And he didn''t say anything about the¡­" She hesitates. "The ichor thieves?" "Yes, the cat is Loaf. No, he did not say anything about the ichor thieves," Camellia says. "We had to explain that the cat is tiny and stupid¨C" Rude! "¨Cand simply made an unwise misstep." "Hm." She looks at all three of us for a few seconds. "Okay. Go home and stay home till you''re notified. We''ll have a story ready for the gods about what happened with the ichor thieves. Why they did this. Most diplomatic approach. For the sake of peace." This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. "For the sake of peace." "For the sake of peace." Loaf looks around at us all from my bag. "Goodbye now," Ferrus says. So we leave. And once we''re a bit away, I say to Camellia, "Hey, notice how she avoided saying ''witches''? And she stopped a bit before saying ''ichor thieves''." "Yes, I guess people have some specific ideas about what a ''witch'' is. Planet-birth-era type, ''makes even rocks come to life'', maybe they don''t want people making assumptions about their abilities." "Yes. Maybe the ichor just¡­ enhances them or something. Enhances their human abilities." "Yes. I doubt they''d be ''harvesting the gods'' power'', not in anyway that would be similar to what the gods can do with sprouts and all." "Yes, definitely." I have my doubts. But, "definitely," I say. We walk a bit more in silence. My house is closer by than his and he''ll just have to go north from there, so I''ll see him off from that. "Also, Lavan, you do know she was making fun of you, right?" "When?" "When she asked about the nervousness thing. It wasn''t a real question." "Oh. Makes sense." I''m bad at catching things like this. At least the gods don''t do double meaning, at least they''re direct. Silence for some seconds. Oh, I think he''s waiting for me to say more than that. Very patiently, too. Alright. "What else was I supposed to say? She said it like a question. So I took it as a question. And I answered it as a question." "Eh, you''re right, better to take it like that than to actually get hurt by it." "See, at least the gods just throw stones at you if they want to hurt you. That''s not a good thing, obviously, but at least it''s more direct." "I also like getting rocks thrown at me better than talking to the Guild members." "We are Guild members." "You know what I mean, the¡­" Technically there is no hierarchy in the Guild. Technically. "The ones who just so happen to be seen as better." "The ones who actually do have more experience, but you also have some problems with them. Those are the ones you''re talking about, yes?" "Fine, yes. I guess there''s a few experienced ones I don''t hate¨C I mean, dislike that much. Cuprum is okay." "Even Ferrus is mostly okay. I mean, she and the others have been working on the maybe-witches type conversations with the deities for a while. Listening to the gods who had¡­ concerns. Grievances." "Yeah. Sure. Did you know some of those gods were of the god-gut tunnels?" I stop in my tracks as he says this. "Yes. And you know how they already don''t trust humans down there? You know how some people try to extract information from them in ways which¨C they''re already basically malformed gods, barely even gods at all, and¨C" "Stop," I say. "I remember being in the god-gut tunnels. They screamed the entire time about being¡­" Each word they shrieked had overlapped with another. ''Stupidity'', ''deformation'', ''painful existence'', ''promised a gift and given a curse''. And the walls of flesh and tears¡­ "You don''t need to describe it." "Sorry. But my point is, some of those gods down there were talked to about this." "They can barely talk." "But they can talk, I nearly made it work in a great and calm way and¨C" How? "¨Cand it doesn''t even matter now, they really won''t trust anyone." I try to ask him what do you mean, what did the Guild members do, what does this have to do with the ichor thieves. To no avail. He stays shut down. Simply pats Loaf''s head when we separate ways in front of my house. She stares at him as she leaves, then stares up at me, and then I am left alone with my confusion. As usual. Chapter 15 "What is going on¡­" I mutter to myself, as I look for Loaf''s food in the kitchen. "I should be asking you!" the oven says. "Welcome home, by the way." ¡°Oh. Hello oven.¡± "What is happening with the¡­ whatever was happening? It seems pretty important. I can feel tingling in my roots." "I¨C what." I should probably ask about the tingling in the roots. I really don''t want to. "Well, I don''t know enough about the incident." "Isn''t that your entire job? Keeping track of the gods?" "My job is negotiating with the gods about regular, everyday things. If some tree-fused god blocks the road with her roots, I''ll ask her to please remove them for a while. That''s all." Found Loaf¡¯s food. "Really? That''s all?" The oven sounds suspicious. "Yes. Officially, yes." "Unofficially?" "I don''t know. I''m worried so I want to know what''s happening, but I''m very out of my depth." I look at Loaf, who''s circling my legs instead of eating, and pet her. "Very, very out of my depth. You know, you''re very strange, oven." A sad metallic scrape. "Strange? How?" "Let''s get this straight: you''re a god sprout, yes? Part of a god''s body?" "I don''t know. I just started existing one day. But¡­" The oven seems to be thinking. There''s a low hum coming from it. I want to go onto the other questions. Like how it made the cat who is currently pawing at my legs. It''s not that strange for some cats to have this golden look as kittens, she''ll probably shed and look fully brown later on. Epiprocta did not comment on the fact that she was conjured up inside the oven, either, but that''s because Epi does not like ''causing a panic''. There are many strange animals on Chamkra. Of course there are, some of them form a symbiotic relationship with the god sprouts and some of the god sprout bio-matter remains in their body. That''s mostly bees and such, though, and I''ve never heard of entire animals being born like this, and Epi definitely got the sense that something was strange (even if she doesn''t want to say it out loud, but why is that?) and¨C Ting! I laugh, with how suddenly it snapped me out of thought. But the oven¡¯s voice is quiet and somber. "I am connected," it says. "Connected? To what?" ¡°If I pay attention, there are many talks in the backgrounds. People saying what ideas they have. What they¡¯re scared of. What they hate. Things they need to do.¡± The oven¡¯s words come out slowly, like it¡¯s thinking very hard. ¡°Some of them talk to each other, but maybe some are just talking to themselves. They talk about¡­ humans¡­ what are the humans doing, something like that.¡± You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. ¡°So it¡¯s the thoughts of the gods?¡± ¡°Hm. Mmm. Thinking. Hm¡­ maybe?¡± All the sprouts are connected to all the gods, but they¡¯re always more closely connected to the god they sprouted out from, with some exceptions (mostly very old sprouts, but oven sprouted a couple months ago). ¡°Can you tell me what exactly you hear?¡± I ask. ¡°Especially the loudest stuff. The clearest and the loudest.¡± ¡°Hm. I¡¯m thinking. Hmmmmm¡­¡± Clack clack clack! A bird is pecking at the window, letter in its beak. It twist its head up as I open the window and take the letter. The Guild¡¯s symbol ¡ª a human holding a tree god¡¯s branch ¡ª is stamped on the top of the letter. Ferrus sent this. Or had it sent by whatever apprentice happens to be free at this time. I haven¡¯t even checked if it has her name inside (usually these letters don¡¯t have any names, they¡¯re just ¡®from the Guild¡¯) but it¡¯s from her for sure. ¡°My metal feels like it¡¯s melting,¡± the oven says. ¡°Oh. Sorry. Can you try again when you feel better?¡± ¡°Digging out other things¡¯ thoughts is very hard. But okay, I¡¯ll try again later.¡± ¡°Alright, goodnight,¡± I say. The oven¡¯s hums die down as it goes to sleep. When it¡¯s like this, you could easily mistake it for a normal oven. I unfold the letter and read. ¡°Translators of the Guild: From tomorrow, you must proceed with your regular duties for the week as normal. None of the gods under your care are involved in the ichor theft case. The primary Guild members will finish the preliminary investigation by nighttime. All residents, including translators, are under curfew until tomorrow morning.¡± As I look up from the letter, I see the bird flying away. Probably to perch on a tree and suck some sap before heading back home. These birds avoid ichor since it¡¯s toxic to them, but I can¡¯t help but wonder if all of our plants are infused with at least the tiniest, tiniest bit of ichor. Ichor is everywhere, even if not pure. Available to all non-gods, so maybe even its power¡­ I guess that¡¯s what the thieves and witches were thinking, too. But harnessing the power is a different thing, no one¡¯s done that(?). Unless someone did do that and that¡¯s why creatures like the oven and Loaf exist? I feel like there¡¯s a connection here, but I could be wrong. Maybe this is completely unrelated to the ichor theft. I certainly hope they¡¯re unrelated, I don¡¯t want either the oven or the cat to get involved in the Guild¡¯s investigation. Even if they¡¯re connected¡­ no, that sounds like a mess, don¡¯t think about that. I probably can¡¯t figure out what exactly is happening with them because I don¡¯t know anything and I¡¯m just confused, I¡¯m very confused and borderline incompetent, but Epiprocta seems to know something. Camellia won¡¯t say anything to the Guild unless the oven and cat are related to all of this. But they might be. So I¡¯m just going to avoid that whole topic with him from now on. Like they¡¯re not related at all. Oh, and I¡¯ve got to question the oven again later. The gods¡¯ minds are in the network, thoughts scattered. And the minds of their sprouts as well, but both of them are connected so of course they¡¯re there too. Then again, even if they are connected, aren¡¯t they still different people? The oven doesn¡¯t know what god it comes from. Loaf barely even counts as a sprout, and¨C actually, I need to ask Epiprocta about this. She knows something. She knows. Tomorrow. I¡¯ll go about my regular duties in the morning, and then I¡¯m going to talk to Epi during the afternoon break. Tonight, there¡¯s nothing left to do, but tune my harp and head to bed.