《The Broken Bully and His Nerdy Victim》


 1. I Hate My Bully

    Hey there! Before you dive into my book, I just wanted to give you a heads up that it touches on some topics like domestic vi*lence, b*llying, h*mophobia, and tr*uma. If any of these subjects make you uncomfortable or upset, it''s totally okay to choose a different story to read.


    Going forward, I won''t be censoring any other words.


    ~


    They say having a victim mindset is a bad thing, but that''s what I am. If you look at the Google definition of a victim, it says ''a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment,'' and that''s me¡ªnothing more, nothing less.


    Who makes me feel ''helpless,'' you may ask? Well, it''s Billy. He''s the school bully. Why does he torment me? I have no fricking clue. I have never done anything to him. In fact, I haven''t done anything to anyone for that matter. I always try to avoid people, and Billy is mostly responsible for that. I eat alone during lunch.


    I guess I should try working out a little bit. My petite figure makes me an easy target for mistreatment from others, and I hate it. I would try picking up a dumbbell, but because of the bruises on my hands that never seem to heal, I feel pain every time I try to pick up heavy objects.


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    I just want to be left alone. Just today, I got a bleeding nose from Billy and his friends. I got cornered in the lockers.


    ''You don''t belong here, f*ggot,'' said Billy.


    ''W-what do you w-want from m... me? I-I d-did n... nothing t-to you...''


    I''m not the only gay kid in this school, yet I''m the only one who he hurts.


    ''Oh, look. Our little fag has opened his mouth to speak his mind.''


    ''...''


    I regretted saying those words, as after Billy said that, he hit me in the face with his leg. It hurt. It still hurts so freaking much. The physical pain doesn''t hurt as much as the emotional one does.


    It''s not just that he beats me up. It''s the fact that nobody wants to be friends with me because everyone is scared that he might start to pick on them as well.


    ...I''m one of the only students he torments like this. Why me? Billy is the one who seems to initiate bullying me, as his friends don''t really seem interested in that type of stuff and just play along with him.


    Why do they even bother following his steps like that? Oh, that''s right. He''s the school''s most popular athlete. All the girls are head over heels for him. I bet they''re all fake and are just friends with him for the attention.


    Worst of all, I can''t even report him to our dead, nor can I tell my parents. ''They''ll talk to him and he''ll change.'' Yeah, right. If only things worked that way. The only thing he''d do if I told anyone is he''d probably try to kill me. You can''t change someone''s behavior just by ''talking'' to them or giving them detention/suspension. This isn''t just some stupid movie. This is real life.


    And I''m bound to suffer like this until I''m over with high school. And that''s in three years.

 2. Billy Is... Crying?

    Every night, I go to our local park to calm my thoughts. It''s the only place where I feel this calmness I can''t explain. One might even call it therapeutic. The cold air around me makes me relax, especially after a rather long day at school.


    I didn''t see Billy today, which was a strange thing. I''m not sure if he even came to school, which I don''t complain about since it''s made my day ten times easier. It''s funny how not seeing one person for just one day can make everything seem better. I don''t hate him. I don''t hate anyone. I just want him to leave me alone. It''s been a few days since he was last physical with me, and I want it to stay that way. I don''t know how long I can enjoy that, though.


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    Shivers ran down my spine when I heard muffled cries behind one of the trees here. Was it... somebody crying? Maybe they need help. I should check up on whoever is there. It could be a killer for all I know, but it''s the right thing to do.


    I went over to the source of the weeping, and I couldn''t quite figure out who was there. I couldn''t determine if it was a guy or a girl crying, for that matter.


    "H-hello... is everything okay?" I asked cautiously.


    The person sitting on the ground turned their head towards me, and I could feel my blood running cold as I saw the face of Billy himself.


    This was probably going to be the end of me.

 3. He Isnt Going to Hurt Me?

    "Nate... what are you doing here?"


    "S-s-sorry, n-nothing, I j-just came to the p-park to... unwind..."


    "At this hour." Even with red eyes and cheeks wet, that smug returned to his face, which I knew meant trouble for me.


    "Y-yeah..."


    He turned his face away into the far distance. He didn''t say another word.


    "A-are you o-okay...?" I could feel my entire body shaking as those words left my mouth. Why was I asking the person that made high school a living hell for me if they were ''okay''?


    "Yeah. Why wouldn''t I be?" He looked at me again, but this time there was this fire in his eyes that I hadn''t seen before.


    "W-well, I k-kinda thought I heard s-somebody crying, so I w-went to check up on them... I d-didn''t know it was you..."


    "Heh, I doubt that you would have checked up if you knew that it was me..."


    Considering how stupid I am, yeah, I would have.


    "Aren''t you like the smartest guy in the class or something?"


    "D-did I s-say that out loud?"


    "Yeah. Strange hearing you not stutter for once in your life."


    Fuck. My. Life.


    "S-so why were you c-crying?" Regret and shock passed through my tiny body as I saw him stand up even more furious than before. He pulled me by my collar and pushed me against the same tree he was crying next to a few minutes ago.


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    "Listen to me, you little bitch. Just because I made small talk with you doesn''t mean that I''m going to be your friend."


    My eyes filled with tears. But not from anger or sadness like his were. Instead, it was pure terror. He noticed my quivering body and my trembling lips, so he loosened his grip on me as he sensed tears were on the verge of streaming down my face.


    "Do you really want to know, Nerd? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHY I WAS CRYING? OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LAUGH AT ME FOR SHOWING EMOTIONS FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?!"


    "I-I''m sorry, I j-just wanted to ch-check up on you," tears were building up in my eyeballs again.I suppose he was surprised that his main victim was showing care towards him. That''s probably why he reacted that way.


    ''I-I just th-thought that m-maybe you n-needed someone to talk to."


    There was silence from both sides after what I said. He looked curiously into my eyes, wondering if I was being genuine or something else.


    "O-okay... I''ll tell you why I''m crying... I guess... But you can''t tell anybody about this, understand? You can''t tell a soul that you saw me crying like a little kid. Otherwise, I will kill you, Nerd."


    I wanted to say ''Yes, I understand,'' but the fear he instilled in me with that deep, scary voice made my throat shut, so I just nodded my head.

 4. Billys Pain

    "It''s my mom..."


    "Is... she okay?"


    "Oh, that bitch is fine. I''m the one that''s not okay because of her."


    I was confused. Was his Mother... hurting him in some way? I didn''t know what to say, so I just kept my mouth shut.


    "She... I don''t know why she doesn''t love me. She... she only loves her boyfriend. She doesn''t love anyone else... It''s... it''s just horrible, you know?"


    Yet again, I was at a loss for words. I never could have guessed that Billy had some sort of mommy issues. That would explain his behavior, I guess.


    "Huh. How would you know? Your mum literally used to pick you up from school when you were in middle school with this huge grin on her face, while mine can''t stand to see me at home. That''s why I avoid going there."


    I had no idea he knew me since middle school. I''ve only known him ever since he started tormenting me, which began at the start of high school.


    "I... I''m so jealous of you...", his eyes started to water again. This was clearly causing him a lot of suffering, "That''s... that''s why I started bullying you at school. I hate how you have everything I''ve ever wanted! It''s not fair..."


    And I''ve always wanted to be left alone, but I guess we can''t have everything our way.


    "Why do you get to have a Mother that loves and cares about you, while I got one that didn''t even believe me when I told her her boyfriend rap~"


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    He looked at me again with terror in his eyes. He knew something slipped out of his mouth that he meant to keep a secret. While he didn''t finish that sentence, I still understood what he was going to say.


    He grabbed me by the collar again and pushed me against that same tree but harder this time. I could feel as if my back had been pushed hard into a boulder. I could see tears running down from his blue eyes. He was even more outraged than he had ever been before. I was in big trouble. I regretted checking up on him. They say kindness is never wrong. Well, they weren''t right. Actually, nobody says that now that I think about it, and I just made it up.


    "You. Will. Not. Tell. Anybody. About. This. I. Will. Legit. Kill. You. Literally. Is. That. Clear?!"


    "Y-yes... I won''t tell anyone about it...", like a trembling little child, I agreed. I understood his reaction. It''s quite normal. He just told somebody something that he''d kept inside for God knows how long. I actually felt bad for him. Nobody deserves to live through that. Not even someone as horrible as Billy. Wait... while there''s no excuse for his actions, there''s an explanation for them now, I guess. I felt his body drift away from mine.


    "I... I''ve never told this to anybody else... except for my Mother... I guess. If you can even call her that."

 5. Whats a Hug?

    Speechless as ever. I''m not someone that talks a lot, so I just kept quiet, even after his last sentence. I just didn''t know what to say. What do you say to somebody that is breaking down before you, drowning in tears? "It''s going to be okay,"? No. That sounds way too... weird. I don''t know if everything is going to be okay for him.


    ... Fuck it.


    "Do you want a hug?"


    "W...what?"


    "Do you... w-want a... h-hug?"


    He just looked at me dumbfounded. He looked like he''d seen an alien of some sort.


    "Why would I want a hug? And why would you want to hug your bully? Are you insane?"


    "I-I mean...", fuck I shouldn''t have said anything. I always say dumb shit.


    "...Yeah. I''d like a hug."


    Oh. That wasn''t so bad, I guess.


    He startled me when all of a sudden he moved towards me and put his head on my chest, laying on the ground with his legs folded. He looked like a scared child. It was actually... sad... seeing him in this position.


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    "Uh... th-th-this isn''t a h-h-hug. It''s c-c-cuddling..."


    He lifted himself from me after that and looked into my eyes.


    "Oh. I didn''t know. I''ve never had a hug before. But whatever it was, I... liked it... it felt good... even if it was just for a second..."


    ... Fuck it. Again. Whatever.


    "...You can... do that... again... if... you want to... of course..."


    He didn''t even wait a second longer and returned to the same position as before. If I can get the courage to say all that stuff to him, I can also be brave enough and put my hands around. I wrapped my right hand around his neck, reaching with my palm into his hand. His hair was so soft, and the warmth his body radiated entered mine.


    I guess you''re not the only one who likes this.


    And he started crying again. For the third time. Or fourth. I can''t remember, but I didn''t mind it. I could feel my chest getting wet due to the amount of tears that were soaking my hoodie. This guy had a lot on his plate. Far more than what he''s done to me. It''s heartbreaking seeing him tear apart like this. I could hear him sniffling now too. He started to tremble in my arms. I never thought I''d see the all-mighty personal bully of mine from Verdant Valley High so... vulnerable... and so... broken...


    "T-thank you..."


    "F-for w-what?", even in this miserable state of his, I was still stuttering around him. I still fear him.


    "For l-l-listening to me... and for... th-this..."


    Oh, that.


    "A-anytime..."


    After he was done crying on my shoulder, or rather on my torso, we stood up and I got my third


    threat of him going after me and ending me on the spot if I tell anybody else about this, to which I assured him for the third time as well that I wouldn''t.

 6. A Dare

    After Billy''s disappearance from school, you can say that the bullying subsided. Or so I thought. Everybody at school knew I was gay, so I wasn''t much surprised when one of the school jocks asked me out on a date. Out of nowhere.


    Best of all, Tomas was friends with Billy too. I have no idea what he''s doing in front of me right now, asking me if I want to go out for a coffee.


    "So, what do you think?"


    I was speechless. Maybe I should stop saying that, as I''ve proved my lack of social skills enough by now.


    "W-why...?"


    "What do you mean why?"


    "W-W-Why would you want to g-g-go out on a d-d-date with me?"


    "What? Just look at yourself! You''re cute and smart. And cute. Did I mention how cute you are with those nerdy glasses?"


    "O-okay... we ca~"


    I was interrupted by a rather familiar deep voice, that I did not necessarily want to hear. "Fuck off, Tom. Leave him alone."


    "Yo, what''s up, B. Long time no see. Where have you been?"


    "Nowhere. Now leave Nate alone. Or we''re gonna have a problem?"


    "I just wanted to ask Nate out on a date. What''s wrong with that?", Tom''s wink at Billy and that nasty smirk told me there was something else at play.


    "You know what, take your stupid dare and go fuck yourself with it. The team told me everything about it."


    Thomas'' facial expression changed from a charmer to an angry beast.


    This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon."What''s your problem, man. Why are you defending this twerp? What''s gotten into you?"


    "Nothing. Just leave. Or else."


    "Or else what?"


    I have no idea what I''m supposed to process first. The fact that Tom asked me out on a date, the fact that it was actually a dare, or the fact that I''m still as naive as always.


    There was fury in Billy''s eyes, but it wasn''t targeted towards me. It was towards one of his friends. I didn''t think my bully would ever stand up for me, but never say never.


    I guess being the biggest in the friend group has its benefits as Tom threw me a death stare and just left us alone.


    ... Damn. How could I be so pathetic? How could I ever think that someone actually liked me? "Are you okay?"


    He was probably being fake too. Now it was my turn to cry. I didn''t even bother to look at Billy. I just started running in the opposite direction Tom went to. Running away from him. Running away from everything. I could tell he noticed my eyes watering. I didn''t bother to look behind me. I just fled like a freak away from him.


    I know that we might have had an emotional moment there for a second, but that doesn''t mean he truly cares about me. He was probably going to make fun of me for 1. being pathetic 2. crying over this.


    I just went into the bathroom and cried. The bell rang, which meant it was time for me to go to class, but I didn''t care. I don''t care about anything anymore. The same way that nobody cares about me too.

 7. Nerd Is Cool

    It didn''t take long after the bell rang for someone to knock on the door. Guess who it was.


    "Hey... are you okay?"


    I didn''t say a word. I hated the fact that he knew I was in here. I hated the fact that he knew how much the words of others could affect me.


    "Nate... answer me... please..."


    Now he was begging too? Tom was right to ask him what had gotten into him.


    "Nate, I''m not going to leave until you talk to me. I know that you''re in there. Please... just... I''m sorry..."


    What would he be sorry for? He didn''t do anything wrong. At least not today. In fact, he actually stood up for me. Which, to be honest, weirded me out.


    "Nate, I know that it''s my fault. I know that you''re mad at me."


    No, I wasn''t. No, it''s not his fault. What''s he on about?


    "If it wasn''t for me, those guys probably wouldn''t even know you exist. I was the one that started bullying you, and they were just following my lead. And I''m sorry for that. I have no idea how I can make amends, but I''ll try... okay? I promise."


    Oh, that''s why he was apologizing. I guess it makes sense; it is his fault. It''s his fault nobody at school dares to approach me. It''s his fault my life has become so miserable. Everything is his fault!


    "Can I confide something in you? I won''t tell you unless you respond back to me."Curiosity killed the cat. Now that''s an actual saying. But it''s just too much for me to handle right now. I had to know what he wants to tell me.


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    "...You actually know what that word means?"


    "S-shut up. I''m not stupid," he tried to sound angry but failed. There''s still this slight concern in his voice.


    "...So what were you gonna tell me?"


    "...I think that you''re very cool."


    "...W-what...?" Perplexity, which Billy couldn''t see, drew itself onto my face.


    "Ah, don''t make me repeat myself. You heard me. But you can''t tell anyone about this, you heard me? I don''t want people to think that I''m weird for thinking that a nerd was cool."


    He thinks I''m cool?


    "W-why...?"


    "Well, cuz you''re smart. Really smart. Do you know how I used to call you ''nerd'' as an insult? Well, that''s because I wish I could be like you."


    A grin appeared on my face. I had no idea that Billy Anderson aspired to be like me. Who could have guessed?


    "O-oh... cool?"


    "Yeah. By the sound of your voice, I can tell that you''re feeling better."


    "Y-yeah... I-I''m s-smiling as of r-right now."


    "...Come out so that I can see."


    I got up from that nasty, probably bacteria and disease-infested toilet and unlocked the stall door, which revealed Billy''s tall figure.


    "H-happy n-now?"


    "Happy."


    Usually, Billy would be the cause of my bloodshot eyes, but this time it was the other way around.

 8. Change

    Since I''m a good student, I was let off without many consequences after skipping last period. After I went home, I had a lot of thinking to do.


    Was Billy being honest with me? Why would he be so nice all of a sudden? Let''s go back to our conversation after I left the bathroom stall.


    "W-why are you d-doing this?" Don''t get me wrong, I''m still scared as shit. While he might be silly and all nice, trying to cheer me up right now, I still don''t trust him.


    "I dunno. I guess I feel... responsible... I''ve... changed..."


    "O-kay..."


    "But that doesn''t mean we''re friends, is that clear?"


    "..."


    Of course, he wouldn''t want to be my friend. Why would anyone want to be my friend? I''m just a lonely nerd.


    After reflecting on the events today, I got tired. This was too much. Too much was happening in a short amount of time. Maybe Billy is not as bad as I thought. At least not anymore. I can only assume his change in behavior is after what happened that night in the park. What he... confessed to me.


    He said it himself ¨C he''s never had anyone to talk to about this stuff. I mean the guy didn''t even know what a hug was. Technically, that wasn''t even a hug; it was cuddling. It felt nice nonetheless. I guess I wouldn''t mind teaching him what a hug is either.


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    I''m glad that night happened because maybe if it wasn''t for it, he''d still be picking on me. I''d rather have him lie on my stomach than punch it. The bruises that he gave me days prior are still there and hurt a bit to the touch. He actually brushed one of them while we were cuddling that day, and it brought back everything he''d done to me, but I just ignored it. I couldn''t think about that. Not while he needed me. Not while he was in that state.


    Maybe as time goes on, we''ll get closer to each other too. I mean, I don''t want to get my hopes up for nothing, but then again, never say never. It''d be cool to have someone as strong as Billy around, constantly being protective of me like earlier today. It felt... nice.


    Maybe we can help each other out. He could be my bodyguard, while I''ll be his emotional support. Sounds like a nice plan, doesn''t it?


    I''ve been thinking about what''s going on for quite a while now, and when I saw the clock, I knew I''d stayed up a tad later than I should. I''m heading to bed, hoping for a better day tomorrow.

 9. Awakening

    "So, how have you been today?" asked Billy.


    "I''ve been... pretty good... Why did you want to come here?"


    "Because I wanted to spend some time with you?"


    "You wanted to spend time with me?", now he wants me around too? Weird.


    "Yeah. I wanted to tell you that I''m sorry. And that I''ve changed."


    "But you already apologized."


    "I know. But that doesn''t mean you''ve forgiven me.


    Yeah. And I haven''t. Maybe I even never will. Even if we ever become friends.


    He didn''t say anything after that. Instead, he just stared deep into my eyes with those blue ones of his. I guess he was waiting for a reply.


    "...No. No, I haven''t."


    "What can I do for you to forgive me?"


    "I... don''t know...", it''s true. I have no idea what he can do to redeem himself. He''s hurt me more than enough times. And worst of all, I had nothing to do with his motive. It was his own family. His own problems. Why did I have to suffer because of them?


    "...I guess that makes sense. Well, just so that you know, I''m not the same Bully-Billy you knew from before. I realized that just because you have everything I didn''t, doesn''t mean you had to suffer. I took all my anger out on you, when you did nothing wrong. It should have been my mother and her boyfriend that should suffer, not someone as innocent as you. And..."


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    He sniffled a bit. I could tell that he was holding back tears. He clearly regrets what he''s done. And I applaud him for taking responsibility, but no matter how much he wants the past to be different, he can''t change anything about it.


    "And even if you do somehow forgive me...", he continued, "I have no idea if I''ll ever be able to forgive myself."


    "Why me though? Why not somebody else?"


    "W-well... you are the most quiet around school, and no mother was as happy to see her child after school as yours was, so... I just... I couldn''t stand to see you with~"


    "And I hate how strong you are. I hate how popular you are. Everybody in school loves you. But you don''t see me beating you up daily because of that, do you?"


    "...No. But, that''s... different..."


    "Different how?! I get jealous too!", I could feel my face getting red. Was it because I was angry, or because I was just hurt? I know that I wasn''t actually jealous of him. I just wanted to give him an example.


    "Everyone can be popular at school! Sure thing, I have a lot of friends, but none of them are genuine. They are just around me because the girls love me, and well... no amount of girls or fake friends can replace the love a child needs from its mother..."


    I could clearly see his eyes were watering. He was right though. I shouldn''t have said that.


    "I... I''m sorry... I shouldn''t have said that..."

 10. Its a Trick

    "It''s fine," Billy said.


    If you can remember, I told him quite some stuff that was, I suppose, insensitive of me, even if I didn''t mean it. I never should have compared the problems that he has at home with my nonexistent jealousy about him and his popularity at school.


    "I want to forgive you. I really do. It''s going to be easier for me that way too. But I just... can''t. I can''t do it right now. I... I need time..."


    "How much?"


    "I... I don''t know..."


    "So you can never forgive me? Not even after I apologized?! I''ve never apologized to anyone up until now. Tell me, what do I need to do to deserve your forgiveness?!" He raised his deep, masculine voice at me.


    "D-don''t yell at me!" I snapped back. Fear instantly hit me as I realized that I legit screamed at the strongest guy at school, plus my own personal bully. He looked at me with shock in his eyes. Surprise that said ''Where did that courage come from...''


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    "I... I''m sorry," he apologized.


    "You''re never gonna change, are you? After everything you''ve done to me, you just expect me to forgive you, and when I told you that I couldn''t do that, you yelled at me. The moment you couldn''t have it your way, you started yelling. How''s that for ''change''?"


    I was wrong. He''s never going to change his behavior. Never. It doesn''t matter even if I forgive him or not. It doesn''t matter even if I forget every single time he hit me. It doesn''t matter how much time passes; he will never change.


    Maybe he is trying to be better, but then again, can some people even really do that? Or can they just play a mask until they snap when you least expect it? Maybe this was Billy. No matter how much he tries to better himself, he might never rise above what he is right now. That''s just the truth. And the truth hurts sometimes.


    I suppose the least he can do is stay away from me and not hurt me anymore. The scars he''s left on me emotionally might heal with time, and maybe people will actually start being friends with me. Me not crying myself to sleep every night because of him is below the bare minimum.


    I wanted to tell him that. I really did. But I couldn''t. Maybe it was because I couldn''t find the words to do so, or maybe it was because I was too scared to confront him like that.


    Either way, I just looked down at the green ground below me and said, "Just leave me alone."

 11. The Caffeteria

    As usual, I sat alone in the school cafeteria. By now, I''m pretty sure you already know the reason as to why that is. That is, until I was met with a surprise. Out of nowhere, Billy appeared with a tray of food in his hands and asked, "Can I join you?"


    I didn''t even have time to properly think the situation through, so I just said, "Sure...". God knows what he might do to me if I say no. He placed the tray on the table in front of me, and I took a look at his friends. I noticed they started whispering around while looking at both of us.


    "Uh... I think your friends might be talking about us," I stated.


    "Let them. They''re just idiots. I''m not friends with them anymore. I sort of avoid them."


    "W-why?" he managed to spark curiosity in me. Maybe I shouldn''t push my luck, but you know me.


    "I think I told you about how fake they all are. I don''t want them around me anymore."


    "I see," I didn''t know what else to say. I didn''t know them personally, so I couldn''t deny nor agree with what he was saying. "What about your reputation, though? People are gonna start to wonder why you''re hanging out with the nerd. Which is just... me."


    "So? Let them." He seems to really not give a fuck about that. The tone of his voice was just... blank. Like he had no worry in the world. But we all know that''s far from the truth. "At least this way you don''t have to eat alone while I won''t be surrounded by stuck-up idiots that are worth nothing to society. I think I already told you that you are, you know... cool..." he whispered the last part. There was a grin on his face. Damn, his teeth are mathematically perfect.


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    "If you don''t care that much about what people think, why don''t you want them to find out that you think I''m ''cool''?" With a smile on my face, I asked.


    "Cuz that''s just... too much..." he replied, "Now eat. Before the food gets cold."


    I haven''t had somebody want me on the same table as them at the cafeteria for a long time now. It felt nice to finally have someone to talk to for once in school. Even if that was my former tormentor.


    Maybe Billy isn''t as bad as I''d thought he''d be. I mean, he''s funny, he apologized, and now he''s trying to redeem himself for his past mistakes. He''s the first person that''s tried to befriend me for a long time now. Even before the bullying, I had trouble finding friends. I''m socially awkward, and I stutter sometimes due to my social anxiety that I try to cover. It''s hard sometimes, but it''s been not as bad ever since I started talking to Billy.


    Maybe there''s something good about you after all.

 12. Wounded

    He still has to pay. You can''t just torture someone for years and then expect them to forgive and forget just because you felt ''guilty'' or ''bad.'' I will make him pay somehow. I need to first get close to him. You know what they say ¨C keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.


    How am I going to get my revenge? Maybe in a way that wouldn''t jeopardize our friendship. Or maybe my ''friendship'' with him is worth it. He said it himself ¨C "We''re not friends," so why even care about my relationship with him? He''s nothing to me. Just because he sat next to me once in the cafeteria and just because he stood up for me... Ah, that does make him a friend, whether he likes it or not. I can''t just stab him in the back like that.


    But I can''t forgive him. I really can''t. I don''t know how to get over what he''s done to me. How do I get over all the bruises he gave me? All the tears I spilled because of him? All the times I hated going to school because of him?! It''s not my fault I have a loving mother and he doesn''t.


    I''m sitting in my room right now, thinking about how I should approach the situation with Billy from now on. Maybe I should ask my mum for advice. She always knows what''s best.


    "Mum!" I said as I stepped into our kitchen. The place wasn''t fancy, but it was ours. Do you know those vintage kitchens with white wallpapers that have pink flowers on them? That''s what our kitchen looks like.


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    "Yes, Nathaniel?" replied Mrs. Emilia Thompson.


    "So... I kinda have a problem..."


    "Did you do something bad?"


    "N-no... it''s just, what... what do you do when someone hurts you a lot over a long period of time, and then they want to change because they now know better and they feel bad because of what they did, but you still want to hurt them the same way they hurt you but you really can''t as they want to be your friend now? Especially when you''ve never had a true friend before?"


    "...Kindness and compassion always win, son. No matter the situation, you always have to remember that we all make mistakes and that we can only hope to be a better and wiser person tomorrow."


    "Thanks, mum," I went over to hug her. I was so glad to have a mother like that. She''s always been there for me and has always helped me whenever I''ve needed her. I can''t imagine what it''s like for Billy... I don''t know what I''d do without my mum.


    I do understand him. Hurt people hurt. Maybe his mother wasn''t there for him to teach him better and to support him, but I will. There''s goodness in Billy. He''s already proved that.

 13. Ice-Cream

    "Do you want to get some ice cream? I''m paying," asked Billy. I was just minding my own business, walking to class when he approached me. It scared me, and I kept reminding myself that he''s changed.


    "S-sure... b-but can you... afford that?"


    "What? A cone of ice cream? Yeah?"


    "Oh. Okay," that was a stupid thing to ask. Of course, he can buy it. Why else would he even offer? I wouldn''t want him to steal for me though. That''s bad.


    "There''s this dessert caf¨¦ I''ve wanted to try for some time now, but I didn''t want to go there alone. You are coming with me."


    But what if I changed my mind?


    "Sure thing," I replied.


    I don''t regret coming here. Not even a little bit. The ice cream tastes wonderful. I don''t usually like sweet stuff, but this place is something else. The vanilla flavors are melting on my tongue. Billy got chocolate. I don''t like dark chocolate, and they were out of the white one. "This is actually really good. We should come here again, but I''m paying," I said.


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    "Sounds good to me. This thing is delicious," Billy was eating his ice cream quite fast.


    "Why are you eating it so fast? You should take your time and enjoy the ice cream."


    "I don''t want it to melt. Look at yours. It''s already started to melt."


    "That''s because I don''t like eating stuff that''s too cold. It makes my teeth hurt, and I might get a brain freeze."


    "If you try multiple times you''ll get used to it."


    I was wondering where he got the money from, but I didn''t dare ask him that. I wonder if he stole it from somebody... I should just enjoy my food!


    "What is it?"


    "Huh...," I snapped back into reality.


    "You were zoning out there for a second. Is everything okay?"


    "Oh, yeah, everything''s fine."


    "...Are you wondering where I got the money from?"


    "...Maybe...," shit. Is he a mind-reader or something?


    "Haha, don''t worry, I didn''t steal it. I found it on my way home. A 100 bucks just laying on the ground like that. I still have 80 left, and I''m looking forward to spending them with you. I don''t know how much we can do with that money, but yeah. Maybe we can watch a movie or something, if you''re into that," he was looking deep into my eyes while saying that. A perfect grin accompanied his beautiful face.


    Nathaniel concentrate.


    "Ahh... it''s fine... you don''t have to spend your money on me~"


    "But I want to! I''m having fun. Plus, I enjoy spending time with you. Can''t you see that?"


    "Okay... we can watch a movie sometime."


    "But I''m choosing."


    "And I''m paying half the price."


    "So you''re paying pretty much for your own ticket?"


    "...Yeah..."


    "Hehe, okay. Deal."

 14. Cuteness Overload

    "There''s this good movie tomorrow. I can... we can get the tickets right now. The theater is still open," said Billy.


    "Ah, I have to study Chemistry tomorrow. It''s the subject I find the most difficult."


    "Really? That''s my favorite subject. I never could have guessed you find it hard," stated Billy. He is full of surprises.


    "I had no idea you even had a favorite subject."


    "What, did you think that I''m just some stupid jock that doesn''t know shit about school?" he furrowed his eyebrows, pretending to be mad. He looked cute like that.


    "Yeah," I said, trying to be ''bossy''.


    "Okay. I was gonna offer to tutor you, but since you''re such a smart ass, you can study by yourself," he crossed his arms and with eyes closed he turned his head to the side.


    "You look like Natsuki," a grin appeared on my face.


    "Like who?" he opened his eyes and looked at me, but his head was still turned to the side.


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    "Natsuki. She''s this anime girl from DDLC that always tries to be ''mad'' or ''aggressive'' but ends up just looking cute. She does that exact same pose."


    Wait... what have I done?


    He stopped crossing his arms and turned his head towards me again. "First of all, why am I not surprised that you watch anime?" he asked. "And second of all, you think I''m ''cute''?" this time, there was no acting shown on his face. Instead, he was staring at me quite perplexed and curious.


    "I... I... I mean... that''s not..." my face got bright red like a potato. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things I have ever said. What in the world possessed me to say something like that? Like, what is my problem?


    "Yeah?" he smiled slightly. "You can''t just call me cute and then back off. Come on."


    "I... I''m not backing off... I''m just..."


    "Yeah?" he loves to torture me, doesn''t he?


    "Let''s just forget I ever said that. Okay? This conversation never happened?"


    "I''m not letting you slide off that easily. I don''t like being called ''cute'', no one calls me cute," even more blood pumped to my face, "but since it''s you, I guess I can make an exception."


    "...Okay," what else do I reply to that? I just wanted to get out of this awkward situation I got myself in. Awkward for me at least because Billy seems to be enjoying himself.


    "And also, you''re the one that''s cute here," he won''t stop, will he? "Look at you. Getting all flustered and embarrassed because of what slipped through your mouth. Fucking adorable."


    Now he''s the one calling me cute?


    "And unlike you," he continued, "I''m not embarrassed to tell the truth," a wink followed after that sentence. I just wanted to drown at this point.


    "Uh... thanks?" I said.


    "You''re welcome."

 15. Chemistry

    "All of this is just too confusing for me, Billy," I whined. I hated chemistry from the bottom of my heart. "I just want to sleep," I was tired. Billy had been tutoring me for two hours now about acids, and I still couldn''t get the hang of it.


    "Hey, you can''t give up now," said Billy. "Come on. You''re smart. You''re like... this close to figuring it out."


    "I just... I''m tired..." It was true though. My eyes were closing. I noticed Billy looking at me, questioning if I was really tired or just wanted to ditch the Chem.


    "Okay, you can rest, but only for a little bit. And also, you have to do it on my lap."


    I opened my eyes wide like a cow and looked at him. "W-what?" I was no longer tired.


    "C''mon. We''ve been through this. The way we cuddled in the park. I want to see what it felt like for you to... you know... hold somebody."


    Billy never fails to take me aback. Where did that come from? I guess curiosity. I mean who am I to say not to free cuddles? Do I find it weird? Sort of. I let him into my lap that night because he was crying and it was obvious that he needed somebody. But now it''s different. We were both sitting on my bed. I crawled to him and put my head on his lap. He didn''t wait a second to sneak his hands into my hair.


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    "S-so... do you like it?"


    "Yeah. It feels nice. You''re... warm."


    "Am I supposed to be cold?" I asked jokingly.


    "Haha, no. I meant it''s good. It''s a nice type of warmth. Especially since it''s Autumn and it''s kinda gotten cold."


    Even though his offer woke me up for a second there, I was still really tired from trying to comprehend and remember all those chemistry equations and whatnot, so I closed my eyes. I don''t care if I fall asleep. That''s what I want to do. I don''t want to just rest my eyes for a few minutes.


    "We should do this more often," I tiredly just nodded my head as to agree with him. I was too tired to reply back with words or even hear what he says. "You must have been pretty exhausted for you to fall asleep that fast... in my arms too..." he started to pet my head, "...freaking adorable idiot..." Now he was insulting me too, but I didn''t care a little bit. "I wish there was more stuff you didn''t understand," now why would he say that?


    He said something else, but I didn''t understand him as I was slowly drifting off. I didn''t care that I was falling asleep into the arms and on the lap of my former bully.


    I think I can officially say that we''re friends now, even if he doesn''t know or want it.

 16. Cuddles

    I woke up on Billy''s chest. I freaked out ¨C how long had I been sleeping for? I looked through the window in my room and saw that it was already dark. Do you know that feeling when you say that you''ll just nap for a few minutes but then you wake up, and you don''t even know what day it is? Yeah, that was me right there.


    I looked at Billy''s face and saw that he was asleep too. How did I even end up in this position?


    Flashback


    "Hey, wake up, silly," said Billy to me. I don''t know for how long I had been asleep. "Wake up, you idiot."


    "W-what... what time is it...?" I asked. Billy''s body was way too comfortable for me to get up now. I had to exploit this chance to its fullest.


    "I dunno, but you''ve been sleeping for like, 30 minutes, and I''m gonna get sore from sitting like this," he complained.


    "Then let''s change positions or something..." and so in my ''drunken'' alike state, I had the most wonderful idea, "You can lay on the bed while I''ll lay on your chest. That way, we can both be comfortable. It''d be... cruel of you to make me get up... please..." sleepily I begged for him to not wake me up more.


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    "Ah. Fine. But only because you asked so nicely."


    End of Flashback


    Oh, now I remember. My face got red as I thought about what I''d said. At least he wasn''t weirded out that much; otherwise, he probably would have left, or I don''t know, said no or something. It''s fine, don''t worry about it. Why am I overthinking this so much?


    "Wake up!" I whisper-yelled, if that''s even a thing. "Wake up, dummy!"


    "Hmph... what time is it?" Billy asked. Now he was the one who was sleepy. Doesn''t feel good, does it?


    "I dunno. But it seems like we''ve been here for hours," I got up from his chest. I felt this coldness and emptiness fill up my body, like now there was something missing from me. A void.


    "...You know... have I told you that I hate being touched?" Billy asked.


    "N-no... I-I don''t think so... why is that?"


    "...Because of... well, you know what happened with me and my mother''s boyfriend... That''s why I don''t like it even when someone tries to shake my hand... it makes me want to throw up," Billy was visibly upset now. A frown appeared on his face. A frown appeared on the face of the most beautiful man in the world. He didn''t deserve this. Nobody deserves something like that. "But you... you''re different... ever since that night at the park, I''ve felt... safe around you. That''s something I''ve never felt, actually. It''s like... I don''t have to worry or be scared around you because, well... I dunno... you''re you. You''re... genuine and... so freaking nice. I... I don''t wanna lose you... is that weird?"


    "No. No, it isn''t. I''m glad you feel that way."

 17. Trust

    "And that is why I trust that I can tell you," Billy said, "That the night you saw me crying... the real reason why I was crying was because...", he started to breathe heavily, "Was because I had... killed... my mother''s boyfriend... my rapist..."


    My eyes widened at those words. Billy is a killer? Wait... how... when... why... I had so many questions... I was shocked, and even though I understood his motive very well, killing somebody like that is against the law and... and I was scared of him.


    "Hey... say something...", Billy said.


    I was still staring at him with disbelief, and when he tried to approach me, I took a few steps back. "S-stay away f-from me..."


    "Nate, please. I thought you''d understand...", tears filled Billy''s eyes. He was right. I don''t blame him for killing the bastard. After what he did to Billy, can I even blame him? Who am I to judge?!


    "O...okay... I... I understand... you... you should have gone to the police though..."


    "The bastard has connections there," he said, "They would have let him out in a second. This was my only choice. God knows how many other kids he''s hurt as well... Nate, please, you have to understand..."


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    "I...I do... and I don''t blame you for it... I was just shocked... that''s all..."


    "You looked scared of me. It broke my heart.", he looked at the ground, "I''m not proud of what I did, you know. I needed to let it out. To tell someone. Now I can only hope I told it to the right person."


    "You did, Billy. And I''m not scared of you. I was just... scared of what you did. That''s all."


    "And you think I''m not? What about that night? Do you think I wasn''t scared that night?", he said quietly but in an angry way. Or is it sad? "I never wanted this. I just wanted a normal life. Now I have to... I have to live with this forever." Hoards of tears were now rolling down his face, which he tried to cover with his eyes. The poor guy. I felt a pit in my stomach, knowing what he''s been through. He sat on the ground, back against the bed.


    "It''s okay, Billy. I''m here for you.", I sat beside him, and just like that other night, I let him into my lap. What else could I do to make life easier for him? I just wish I could help him heal. I don''t care that he''s killed somebody. He''s not a murderer. A murderer is someone that''s killed someone innocent. The monster he killed was far from innocent. Far from human. He deserved it. But Billy doesn''t deserve to suffer like this. I don''t know how long it''ll take for Billy to recover from his assault, but no matter. I''ll always be here for him.

 18. The True Billy

    Little did I know Billy is actually a very delicate person. Behind that "school jock" or "bully" persona hides somebody that just needs a little bit of love and kindness. The past few days have been solid proof of that. I came to the conclusion that behind that strong athlete is just a very hurt teenager that didn''t know any better. Looking at him now, I don''t think I''ve ever seen him smile like that.


    As of this moment he''s going through my sketchbook. I don''t think I''ve ever mentioned that I draw. It''s not something I''m very good at, but it''s fun, so why not.


    "This place looks familiar.", Billy said. I went over to see what he was referring to and there was a drawing of a few trees. I looked closer and I realized I drew this when I went to the forest. I have no idea how long ago that was though. Maybe two years?


    "It''s a landscape. I drew it in the forest behind our house."


    "Oh... that''s why it looks so familiar. I used to go with my dad there when I was little. We''d hunt. Or at least pretend to. We''d rarely ever catch something. But I still enjoyed our long walks though."


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    I pondered for a second. "Do you wanna go there some day?"


    "Sure thing. I haven''t been there in years. I mean, ever since my dad died, I''ve had no reason to, but now that I have you," he turned to look at me. "I do."


    I smiled back at him. Maybe I can''t recreate the same enjoyment his father brought him before everything went up in flames, but I can still try and bring him to the same place I drew that sketch.


    "My drawing skills have improved a lot since then. Do you wanna go to the same place I drew that at? I wanna try a redo."


    "Sure thing. I''ll go anywhere with you."


    There was this softness in his voice that I couldn''t quite explain. He didn''t sound sad or desperate to go there, but it was different. It wasn''t something I''d heard from him before. There was this side of Billy I think I was the only person to ever see. The true Billy. Not the one at school. The kind and funny and sweet and cute Billy. The fact that he''s been hurt so much to the point where he''d never even smile in front of other people, and yet I''m here bringing a grin to his face, shows how much I''ve changed him, and how much he''s changed me. I''m glad I had that positive influence in his life. I hope I can heal him completely one day.


    Ever since that night, both our lives have gotten better. It''s sad that probably the only reason why we''re friends is because we got close through his pain and suffering. Or maybe even if he wasn''t hurting, we''d still have met. The universe works in mysterious ways.

 19. A Hobby

    We reached our desired destination, a.k.a. the landscape I drew or the forest Billy and his dad used to go to. It''s nice to take a walk in the forest once in a while. I was still scared of Billy, though. If he wanted to, he could harm me here, and nobody would know what happened to me. Maybe I should have told somebody.


    The reason I didn''t tell my parents where I was going was because my mom would probably recognize who Billy is, and I don''t know if she would have allowed me to come here with him. Even though he''s changed a lot and our relationship has grown so much, I''m still scared of him. Every time he raises his hand a bit to playfully hit me, I still flinch, thinking that he''s going to hurt me for real.


    I don''t know how to fix that. It''s confusing. Logically, I know I have nothing to be scared of. He''s proven that quite enough times. But it''s as if my body is scared. I don''t know how to describe it. A reflex, maybe, is the word I''m looking for.


    I sat down and started to draw. He sat himself beside me.


    "Can I watch?", Billy asked.


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    "That sounded dirty," I turned my head to look at him.


    "S-shut up, you know what I meant."


    "Haha, it''s okay. You can ''watch'' all you want," teasing him is so fun. "Aww, is Billy getting flustered? You look so cute like that."


    "I told you, I''m not cute. And shut your damn mouth and start drawing already."


    And so I did. He even asked me about the techniques that I use. Nobody''s ever taken an interest in my art before. I know my parents have pretended to, but I know they''re just faking it, so that''s why I stopped bothering. Billy, on the other hand, is genuine. That''s not something you can find a lot these days.


    "Where the interest in drawing though?", Billy asked. "It''s like you know what you''re doing. You''re pretty good at it."


    "I dunno. I guess it''s fun to be able to bring out onto paper what''s on your mind."


    "Are you planning on making a career out of that?"


    "Out of drawing? Of course not. I don''t want to be broke for the rest of my life."


    "Dude, you''re talented. If you~"


    "Look," I interrupted him, "There are two reasons why I don''t want to pursue art as a career. First of all, I''m going to end up poor. Second of all, I''ve heard that once you turn a hobby into a job, it''s not fun anymore. And I don''t want to ruin drawing for myself. Do you understand?"


    "Huh. I never thought about it that way. So, you''re saying if I pursue chemistry in university, I''m gonna make a mistake?"


    "Maybe. Maybe not. I don''t know how you can make chemistry your hobby in the first place, but it''s your choice."

 20. Jokes

    "I didn''t expect you to be the type to make dirty jokes," said Billy.


    "And I didn''t expect you to be so... I dunno... nice?" I couldn''t quite find the right word to describe Billy''s personality. Soft? If I said that, he might find it offensive, but I wanted to convey that there''s more to him than I initially thought.


    "Nice?" Billy looked at the ground. "After everything, I don''t think I deserve to be called ''nice''. At least not yet. There''s still so much I need to do to... you know... make amends with you."


    "You already did though," I replied. Maybe the hurt was still there, but I was working on forgiving him. This had more to do with me than with him.


    "I don''t feel that way. I don''t know if I can ever truly ''fix'' what I... did to you. Or I don''t even know if I can ever repay you for, you know, being here for me or whatever."


    "You don''t have to ''repay'' me or however you think that works," I said truthfully. I didn''t expect anything from him for just comforting him.


    "But you''ve done so much for me~"


    "And so what?" I interrupted. "Not everything someone does for you needs to be repaid, whether that''s good or bad. Imagine if I tried to get revenge for bullying me."


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    "But that''s not the same! Also, even if you did, I still wouldn''t be mad at you. I''d get it. I''d deserve it anyway. I...I do deserve it," he replied, his voice tinged with shame and regret. "If I could, I would travel back in time and try to be friends with you back in middle school, but I guess we can''t change the past."


    "Exactly. That''s why we can only hope for a better future. Also, did you just call us friends?"


    He looked at me with a shy smile on his face. "Yes. I''m friends with a nerd now. And I''d say pretty close friends too."


    "I mean, we did cuddle and whatnot. I don''t think just ''enemies'' or even ''acquaintances'' would do something like that. What we did was... pretty intimate."


    "You say it like we had sex," he laughed.


    My face turned bright red. "F-fuck you, you know what I meant. Also, enemies and acquaintances can indeed have sex; it just happens rarely. If you know what I mean. B-but they d-don''t cuddle, stupid."


    "Rrrrrrrrrright... that night at the park, we still hated each other, remember? At least I did, I dunno about you."


    "I hated you too, dumbass. But that was... different."


    "Different how?" He loved to tease me. Idiot.


    "Just different. Now fuck off, I need to draw."


    "Okay," he got up.


    "Where are you going?" I asked.


    "Well, didn''t you tell me to ''fuck off''?"


    "I meant to leave me alone to draw, not to actually go away," I clarified. I knew that he was kidding, but he could act childish sometimes. "Stop acting like a child."


    "Okay, sir," he said, trying to be submissive, whatever that meant.


    Author''s Note: Hello everyone, I hope you''re enjoying the story. I wanted to let you know that going forward, the book will be updated on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays at around exactly 2 P.M. GMT+2.

 21. Laughter

    That day in the forest together was fun, I have to admit. After I finished drawing, he complimented my drawing. The way he described it was as if he was mesmerized or something. I don''t think he''s seen good art. That''s why I gifted him the drawing, lol.


    Or was he just trying to be flattering? If so, then he did a pretty good job. I don''t know; I''m not that good at reading people. Maybe if I was, I wouldn''t be so socially awkward. But that''s a topic for another day.


    I''ve never had this much fun with anybody until now. I wanna spend time with him. He makes me laugh, he gives me these butterflies in my stomach sometimes, but not the bad kind. He also likes to make me feel awkward and embarrassed in front of him, which I don''t think is a bad thing either. I''ve gotten quite used to it, actually. Sometimes I do that to him too; I just don''t succeed always. Maybe I should work on that.


    I''ve always wanted a friend like that, actually. The fact that he''s also the first person to think I''m ''cool'' feels... good. I''ve never considered myself to be cool. I always thought I was this ''nerd with glasses'' who is clueless and useless when it comes to social stuff like that. I can''t even define it. Maybe I''m not as smart as I thought I was. Or as smart as Billy thought I was.


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    ~


    "You know, this is the first time in quite a while since somebody got me a gift," Billy said. "Even if it''s DIY. If you know what I mean," he ended his short speech with another one of his usual smirks.


    "Shut up and stop being ungrateful," I said angrily. Or at least trying to sound angry. I think the grin on my face snitched on me.


    "Mhm. Sure," he said, trying to sound unbothered.


    "Next time you''re not getting anything."


    "We''ll see about that. I think you''re way too nice to keep that promise."


    "Don''t you need, like, a brain to be able to think?" I said.


    "Shut it. Not everybody is a nerd like you."


    "You say it like it''s a bad thing."


    "That''s because it is," his voice actually changed for real. He seemed upset. There was this coldness in his eyes while he was looking at me. Did I take it too far?


    "Didn''t you call me cute the other day?"


    "W-what?"


    "Cool! I-I meant cool! N-not..." I started to stutter. Where did that come from? That''s not what I meant to say.


    "Yeah. I called you cute. But I don''t recall ever calling you ''cool'' though."


    "Maybe you have dementia," I said, trying to brighten the mood between us, hoping he forgot about what I said that upset him. Whatever it was.


    "And maybe you''re schizophrenic. But I guess we''ll never know," he said. "Maybe that''s why you''re so smart."

 22. Anger

    School went on as usual for a few days, until that idiot Tom cornered me in the bathroom. I went there to do my business, and I have no idea if he stalked me or something, but he legit just left one of the stalls the moment he heard the water running. It was like a horror film.


    He grabbed me by the hands tightly. "A-ah, s-stop, y-you''re hurting me!" I winced.


    "Listen here, you little faggot," Tom said. "I don''t know what you''ve done to Billy, but he won''t even look at me. It''s like he''s disgusted by me. The other day, I approached him, and he just looked at me like he saw shit or something. I don''t know how you managed to brainwash him into hating us... into hating me, but you''re gonna fix that. You understand? I''ll kill you if you don''t."


    "Brainwash me?" Billy barged into the restroom. "You''re kidding, right?"


    The moment Tom saw Billy, he let go of my hands. "H-hey Billy, we w-were just playing~"


    Billy approached us and grabbed Tom by his collar, pushing him to the wall. "You think I don''t know what you did? Huh? You thought I wouldn''t figure it out?"


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    "B-Billy, I don''t know what you''re talking about~"


    "I know you lied to Emma that I cheated on her! Why did you do that?" asked Billy.


    "W-what, I d-don''t know what you''re talking about~"


    "Just fucking tell me the fucking truth! Were you jealous? Heh, and you still didn''t manage to get into her pants."


    As much as I''d enjoy this if it were a movie, this was reality. I had to separate them, and fast.


    "B-Billy, calm down," I tried to remove his hands from Tom, but to no avail.


    He turned his head in a swift move and looked at me with fury that made shivers run down my spine. "You stay out of this!"


    I know that he was angry, and even if that fury wasn''t directed towards me, I still get really scared seeing Billy like this. It''s like there''s this fire in his eyes that is coming straight out of his soul.


    "B-Billy, please, j-just let it go," I pleaded like a little puppy.


    "NO! I NEED AN ANSWER!" he yelled at me. I''m sure if somebody had heard us from the outside, they must have called a teacher by now. I hope they didn''t, as that would only make the situation worse. When he snapped at me, it brought back all the memories of him hurting me. My chest tightened, and my eyes watered.


    Billy noticed that and instantly calmed down. Regret and guilt washed over his face. There was now sadness in his eyes. He knew he shouldn''t have done that.


    He let go of Tom''s shirt and just said to me, "Let''s go," trying to sound tough in front of Tom, I suppose. I thought he had changed, but there''s still so much anger inside of him.

 23. Betrayal

    After we left the bathroom, Billy led me to an empty classroom. Something told me I was going to be missing yet another period, and that wouldn''t look good on my report card. I was still shaken by how Billy had acted back there.


    "Hey, I''m sorry for how I acted back there, okay? I didn''t mean to snap at you. I was just... furious. I... I wouldn''t have done that if Tom wasn''t bothering you. I''m sorry, I really am."


    Well, this wasn''t the first time Billy had made a mistake, and I doubted it would be the last. "How can I be mad at you when you''re pleading for my forgiveness like that?" I replied with a tiny smile.


    "I... I still shouldn''t have done that. I shouldn''t have gotten physical with him either. At least not in front of you."


    "You know violence can''t solve anything, right?" I asked.


    "I..." Billy was at a loss for words. It was obvious that he disagreed with my statement, but I guessed he just didn''t want to show it.


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    "Why are you mad at him anyway? I know you said your friends are not good, but it seems that there''s more to Tom and you than meets the eye," I ventured, hoping I didn''t overstep.


    "He... he told my ex that I cheated on her. And she believed him."


    Wow, I was shocked. I did believe him when he said he had some problems with his now, I assume, former friends, but I didn''t expect him, especially Tom, to stab him in the back like that.


    "Why would he do that?" I asked cautiously. This was a sensitive topic for him.


    "I dunno. I think he was jealous. What''s weird is that he never had the balls to ask her out, though."


    "Huh. What if he wasn''t jealous of you, but he was jealous of her?"


    "What do you mean?" he asked, perplexed, until it hit him, making his eyes widen. "Ohhh. No, I doubt that," he laughed. "I have no idea if you''re serious, but no, I don''t think that''s the case."


    At least I had brightened his mood. I was only half-joking, though.


    "Tom, he... he''s not gay," he said, his laughter subsiding but still evident.


    "Maybe I am," said an unwelcome familiar voice.


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 24. Hidden Feelings

    "Tom? What are you doing here? What are you...?", stunned, Billy asked. His face was as if he''d seen a ghost.


    "Yeah. I''m gay. And I''ve had feelings for you ever since we fucking met. Was that really that oblivious to you?", Tom asked.


    "I... I didn''t know... wait... is that why you didn''t want me to be with Emma? That makes so much sense...", it clicked in Billy''s head.


    "Yeah. And now seeing you with the nerd over here being all sweet and whatnot is killing me? I mean why weren''t you as sweet like that towards me? Or maybe do you have feelings for him too?", said Tom angrily. "You''re a horrible person, you know that, right?", now Tom was going at it with the personal insults.


    "Maybe you should have just told him how you felt instead of being a coward about it.", I said out of the blue. Maybe I shouldn''t have. Maybe I should have just left the room as this wasn''t my drama to be in.


    "Who are you calling a coward, you twat?!", Tom started to approach me, which made me go a few steps backward. I was saved by my personal bodyguard Billy when he stood in front of me.


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    "He''s right. I''m not a horrible person. You should have just told me.", said Billy.


    "Tell you? Weren''t you like a raging homophobe? Isn''t that why you were picking on Nate there?"


    "That''s... that''s different...", exclaimed Billy in shame.


    "Different how?! I didn''t want my best friend to hate me. Of course, I couldn''t tell you. Well, ex-best friend.", there was a hint of sadness in his tone.


    "Tom... I...", Billy was at a loss of words.


    "Save it. I don''t want to see you ever again. Now go and cry yourself a river in Nate''s arms. If I mattered to you and you regret losing me that is. Doubt it... you were always obsessed with Nate anyway."


    Tom stormed out of the classroom. I guess he couldn''t stand to face Billy anymore. I mean it makes sense. I always knew both Tom and Billy hated me more than the other ones, I just didn''t know why. The other guys were bullying me just for fun. It''s actually sad when you think about it ¨C their reasons had nothing to do with me.


    Also, what did he mean by ''obsessed with Nate'' when he was talking to Billy? I wanted to ask him that, but I didn''t want to risk getting yelled at, so I just put my hand on Billy''s back, hoping that would provide him some comfort and release of the stress he had to go through.


    I have no idea how I ended up in the middle of this drama. Some people would like being like that, but I absolutely hated it. Why do I have to be in the middle of their personal messes? Fuck sometimes I wish I could just run away from everything in life.

 25. Hallway

    I was still quite distressed after witnessing all of that drama. The fact that maybe Tom thinks I might be the reason their relationship fell apart is kind of painful. I don''t want to take the blame for something I had nothing to do with. I was just a nerd in school trying to exist. Is my existence really that bad?


    I was pulled from my own mind when somebody grabbed me by the wrist, yanking me into an empty classroom. It''s always the empty classrooms. I had no time to process what was happening nor did I have time to look at who was doing that to me until I arrived at the classroom. I was hoping it''d be Billy, but I was wrong. It was Tom himself. ''He''s gonna beat me up,'' I thought to myself. I really thought the bullying was over, but no.


    "Why? Tell me, why did you have to ruin what I had with Billy?", there was this rage in his voice that made my knees weak. Even though he was quieter than usual since he didn''t want to get the attention of any teachers, the hatred he had towards me was obvious. He got closer to me, and going a few steps back, my butt touched one of the desks, and instinctively I sat on it. Weird, I know, but at least now I was on the same height as Tom.


    "I-I didn''t ruin anything, it wasn''t my fault~"


    "SHUT UP! You shut your goddamn mouth, you brat! Everything is your fault! What does he see in you that I don''t have?!", it was more sadness than anger now. I know that it wasn''t my fault, but I just wanted to comfort him. I knew that would probably end in a disaster, but what do I have to lose? Apart from an unbroken nose, that is.


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    "T-Tom...", I said cautiously and slowly, "I-I''m sorry that happened to you, but I didn''t do anything," at a snail''s pace, I moved my hand to put it on his shoulder, "I...I can try and talk to him for you if you want me to... but know that I didn''t do anything wrong..."


    Tom looked at me for a long second. There was confusion and curiosity on his face. "Why are you like this?", he asked, "Why are you so... nice?"


    Huh?


    Well, that was unexpected. I was hoping he''d ask me how did I manage to get Billy to befriend me so fast, which, by the way, he made sure if I told anybody about that, he''d kill me, and I take his word for it, but instead he asked me why I was so nice.


    "I... I don''t know... I just... I have no reason to be mean to people, I guess...", even I didn''t know the answer to that question. Why was I so nice? Why was I nice to Bully that night? Why am I trying to be nice and understanding to Tom now too?


    I was yanked out of the train of my thoughts by the same person again when he grabbed me by my cheeks and pushed his lips to mine, kissing me firmly like there was no tomorrow. I had no idea what to do at that moment, so I just closed my eyes and kissed him back. It was pure reflex, I swear. This probably had to be the strangest thing to ever happen to me. Even weirder than my situation with Billy.


    Talking about the wolf, after a second of kissing with Tom, which is so strange to think about it, yet say it out loud, I opened my eyes, and there was Billy at the door of the classroom, with new rage and hatred in his eyes I hadn''t seen before. What was happening at this point?

 26. Friendships

    Sure thing, Tom kissing me out of nowhere like that was a strange phenomenon, but why was Billy mad about it? He stormed out of there like a toddler throwing a tantrum because somebody had stolen his toy.


    Was he being protective of me? No, because he ran away and didn''t come to ''protect'' me. Was he being... jealous? Maybe... he caught feelings for Tom now that he knew the truth? I can''t find a reasonable explanation for this.


    "Billy, wait," I called out to him, but it was no use. You can''t reason with a child.


    "Let him," Tom grabbed me by the arm. "he can be mad as much as he likes. You''re free to kiss whoever you want to."


    "Look, Tom, I don''t know what got into you back there," I said, "and as hot as you are, I''m gonna need to leave your blonde ass here so that I can talk to Billy."


    "Why do you care so much about him anyway?" asked Tom angrily. "Why, do you like him more than me or something? He isn''t even gay. Save yourself the trouble of the heartbreak I had to go through~"


    "I don''t like him," it''s true. Apart from friendship, I feel no other intimate connection to Billy whatsoever. "But he is my friend, and I don''t want to lose him. I need to find out why he did whatever he did back there."


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    "Fine. Do whatever you want. Go and dump the person that actually wants you," there was a hint of sadness in his words. I do like him, but I really have to salvage my friendship.


    "We''ll talk about this."


    "Yeah, right," now he was the one being immature. Why do these people have to always act like that? You''re all over 18, legally an adult. What is wrong with you people?


    I saw Billy leaving through the back doors of the school. I guess he was gonna ditch school since he couldn''t stand being in the same school where he saw me kissing Tom.


    "Billy!", I called out to him. "Billy! Wait up!"


    He ignored me. Of course, he was giving me the silent treatment. He didn''t know how to communicate his feelings and emotions, so it was no surprise he was doing something like that. "Billy, stop acting like a child and talk to me!"


    "What?", Bully turned to face me swiftly, "What do you want, Nate?"


    "What''s the problem?", I asked. I really didn''t know what I did wrong.


    "''What''s the problem?'', seriously? That''s all you have to say?", his words were as hot as magma.


    "Yeah. I don''t get why you''re acting this way. I didn''t do anything wrong, did I? I just kissed somebody. And for the record, he kissed me first. I just acted reflexively."


    "I...I''m sorry, but after what he did to me...", oh. I never thought about it that way. "It was unreasonable of me to act this way," Billy apologized, "B-but... when I was you with him... I thought he''d taken you. I... I thought that I lost you. I thought that I lost my only friend. I mean because of him I lost my girlfriend and I couldn''t bear the thought of losing you...", he continued with a pinch of sadness in his voice.

 27. End?

    "You know...," he kept going, "I don''t think we can be friends anymore."


    No words could describe the shock and sadness I felt at that moment. Just because I kissed his former friend? That wasn''t fair ¨C we all know he kissed me first, and I didn''t even think about it. I already told Billy this, but he just won''t listen. I have no idea if he even believes that he forcefully pulled me into the classroom.


    "W-what?," I asked. "W-what do you mean? Just because I kissed Tom?," I couldn''t believe that to be the case. There''s no way he''d just let go of me like that. Like I mattered nothing to him. Like he didn''t cry his eyes out so many times in my arms. Like he didn''t share his deepest darkest secrets with me.


    "No. it''s not just that...," he went on, "I... I can''t be friends with you. Not if you start dating Tom, at least. And I don''t want to be the reason why you two can''t be together. I mean sure, he''s not a good person, but he''s still less worse than I am."


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    "H-hey, that''s not true. You''re not ''worse'' than Tom or anybody because you''re a good person," I presented him with the truth. Every single word I was saying was reality objectively.


    "N-no, stop lying to yourself. If I try to remain friends after all this, it''ll be... too much... for the both of us. I can''t deal with that too. I''m sorry, okay?"


    So that was it? This was the end? No more cuddles or deep talks or moments of vulnerability? Just like that thrown out of the window? Was he really going to let me go this easily? That wasn''t fair. Not after everything. I don''t deserve to be ditched like that, no. Do I? Where did I go wrong? I refuse to believe it''s just the kiss between me and Tom. There''s bound to be more to the story.


    "Billy... after everything we''ve been through together... you''re really gonna leave now?," I asked with desperation in my voice.


    "Exactly. After everything we''ve been through, our friendship has to end... I''m bad for you... and I don''t want to get in the way of you and Tom. I think you two are going to be happy together." He turned his head around. "Please, don''t try to follow me." And so he left.


    I was there in front of the school entrance, standing like an idiot. What just happened? Why would this happen? So it''s just... over? Just like that?


    Tom was right after all.

 28. The Same Park

    "I''d hate to tell you I was right," said Tom, "But I really was, wasn''t I?"


    It''s true. Billy just ditched me like that. Sure, maybe I did make a mistake when I kissed Tom back, but for Billy to just end everything that we had just like that over a fucking kiss wasn''t fair. Was it? I don''t know anymore at this point. I''m so confused, and I didn''t want to think about it at this point. Was the kiss worth our friendship?


    "Shut up," I commanded. "You''re not a saint either. After what you did to Billy with his girlfriend..."


    Tom didn''t answer immediately. He looked thoughtful. I guess he was thinking about what to say to me.


    "Well... yeah. What I did was shitty. And even though I knew better, I still acted like a piece of shit. But I... do you know how difficult it was to see Billy and Emma together like that? Kissing and holding hands and whatnot in front of me. I was just sitting there and... I couldn''t take it. I guess I was thinking, ''if I can''t have him, nobody can,'' which, now when I think about it, was very shitty."


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    Me and Tom decided to meet in the same park I comforted Billy in. It felt wrong to be here with Tom and not Billy. Even though we were only here once, I considered this me and Billy''s special place. Not me and... Tom''s.


    I understand Tom and why he did what he did.


    "Look, I know I look like a horrible person in front of your eyes, but do you think... you can give me a chance?"


    "A chance for what?" I asked. I have no idea what he was talking about.


    "A real chance. If you know what I mean."


    Oh, that kind of chance.


    "Well, sure, but what if you try to ruin something for me the moment you feel jealous or something?" I asked.


    "I won''t. I promise. Just give me a chance, and I swear I''ll prove you wrong."


    Should I do this, or is this going to be a mistake?


    "...Alright..." There, I said it. I hope shit doesn''t hit the fan after this one word.


    "Sweet! Can I... can I kiss you?" he asked sheepishly.


    A smile appeared on my face. "Yeah. You can kiss me."


    Tom stopped dead in his tracks, and in a second, he pulled my face towards his. The poor guy had to lean down as he was taller. The same height as Billy. I felt his warm lips press on mine. He bit my bottom lip, and out of surprise, I opened my mouth, giving him the chance to slip his tongue, battling with mine. Of course, he won. It felt nice to kiss in the park like that. The guy was good at making out.

 29. Questions

    Billy''s POV


    "I hate it. I hate this feeling," I thought to myself. I was grieving. I was grieving the person I thought I could trust but ended up just stabbing me in the back. I shouldn''t have done that. I shouldn''t have given myself to him like that. Hadn''t I done that, my heart wouldn''t be broken into millions of pieces. All because of Tom.


    It''s not fair. I thought that he was the one. I mean as a friend, that is. I''d never opened up to anybody like that before. I... I need him. I don''t know what to do without him. When I turned my back on him that day, part of me expected and wanted him to come run after me. I sound like a teenage girl that''s in love. Maybe I even am; I don''t know. It doesn''t have to be a romantic type of love; I can just love him like a sibling, right?


    And yet he just let me go. He chose Tom over me. I still want him to, I dunno, call me, but then again, he doesn''t even have my phone number. I never gave it to him. Should I go after him? Or should I try to move on from him?


    Tom''s POV


    I fucking like this guy so much. Even though I''m not showing it, my stomach''s acids feel as if they''re going to burn through my gastric mucosal barrier. My heart races, and my knees feel as if I need to get on the ground on all fours when he looks in my eyes. Sure thing, I''ve had a number of crushes in this school, but nobody''s made me weak as Nate has.


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    The fact that this guy is now mine and mine only makes me question reality. Is this part of my imagination? A hallucination? Because Nate is out of my league. His glasses suit his nerd persona so well. Sure, being a nerd isn''t the only thing he is, but it sure makes him cute as fuck. I just feel this desire to protect him from the evils of the world, like Billy.


    I want to show this guy the world. At least the physical world because for me, he is my world. My everything. I had no idea I even had the capacity to consider somebody so precious, but then Nate popped up and changed everything.


    Nate''s POV


    Sure thing, I like Tom, but I still feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not reaching out to him to hopefully fix whatever we have left of our friendship. I should just forget him. He made his choice and abandoned me, and if I have an ounce of self-respect, I should just let him go. I do understand that I made a mistake kissing Tom, but I didn''t think it through. Would I ditch Tom if he were to come back into my life? No. Maybe that''s selfish of me, but I''d choose romance over friendships anytime. Romantic relationships are so much deeper and intimate than friendships. I know both are going to end the moment high school is over, so I''m just going with the option that''s going to benefit me the most.

 30. Crossroads

    Nate''s POV


    I was walking down the hallway, holding hands with Tom. He said he was ready to come out, and people seeing us being together like that was the best way to do it. He not only wanted to show the entire school his sexuality, but he wanted to ''show me off'', as in he wanted to tell other people not to mess with me, as ''Nate belongs to Tom now''. He said he''d stop being friends with his group, as just like Billy, he believes they''re all toxic and fake.


    I walked Tom to his class, as I didn''t want him to have to walk all the way to my classroom and then have to go back to his. He, of course, resisted, saying that he wanted to be a good ''date'', as I guess we still weren''t an official couple yet. After Tom kissed me goodbye, I went on my way. I was stopped in my tracks as I heard a voice behind me calling my name.


    "Nate," Billy said, "Nate, wait up. We need to talk." Now he wanted to talk, after he ditched me like that? He can''t leave me alone, can he? I guess this had its toll on him as much as it''s had on me.


    I turned around and replied with, "What? What do we need to talk about?"


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    "I... I''m sorry for ditching you back there. I shouldn''t have done that," he said. Do I believe his apology to be genuine? I have no idea. Maybe he just wants to be ''friends'' with me for emotional support or something. I don''t think Tom''s gonna be happy if we cuddle though. "C-can you... forgive me? Again?"


    Again. How many times are you going to fuck up, and how many times am I going to have to forgive you, Billy?


    "...Alright," I agreed, "And... I-I''m dating Tom. I know how much he''s hurt you, but there''s more to him than his jealousy," I said, not knowing if I believed that myself. I guess we''re gonna have to let time do its thing and show me the truth. "C-can you look past the fact that I''m now dating him?"


    Billy looked thoughtful for a moment, wondering if I was going to backstab him like that and pretend that it''s okay from both sides. "I... alright. Just be careful around Tom, okay? He may appear charming in the first few weeks, but it''s not uncommon for him to cheat on his partners."


    "I...", I was shocked. I didn''t know how to reply. "I didn''t know that, but I guess his former partners were girls?", I asked.


    "Yeah."


    "Well, maybe he''ll be different this time, considering the fact that I''m a guy and he''s finally come to terms with his sexuality." There was doubt in my voice. Even I didn''t believe what I was saying. Let''s just hope this wasn''t going to be a clich¨¦ case of ''I can change him,'' and then I just end up ruining myself in the process as I fail miserably.

 31. Special

    When I told Tom about my current situation with Billy, he didn''t reply with anything, just looked at me with a hint of anger in his eyes. He didn''t directly voice it that he did not like this, but his silent treatment was showing it.


    "Are you mad?" I asked, knowing the answer to the question, whether he''d reply with a ''yes'' or a ''no''.


    "No," he lied, "I just don''t like the idea of Billy being around you. You know how shitty he can be."


    "Hey," I snapped back a little bit, "Don''t talk about my friend like that. Weren''t you best buddies until like a few days ago?"


    "Okay, okay. I''m sorry. You''re free to do whatever you want. I shouldn''t have bad-mouthed your friend like that," he emphasized the word ''friend''. What did he mean by that?


    "Why did you say ''friend'' like that?" I asked.


    "Like what?" he can play good at dumbfounded, that''s for sure.


    "You know damn well what I''m talking about."


    He sighed, "Look, I''m scared, okay. I think Billy might try to get close to you so that he can either take you away from me or get revenge on us both."


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    "Why both?" I asked, quite perplexed. I didn''t know what I''d done.


    "For dating me, silly," oh, right. I''m that backstabbing friend. I''m still dating Tom too.


    "Oh. That. Right..." I didn''t even know what to reply to that at this point. He was right. While the possibility might be small, it still exists in the realms of maths.


    "...Did he by chance tell you some bad stuff about me?" there was fear in his eyes.


    "...Maybe," I replied. "He said that you''re a cheater. Is that... true?" I felt really awkward asking him a question like that.


    "...In the past, yeah. While I was dating girls, there was something always missing. Then I explored the option of dating guys... exploring the option of liking you and... it''s different. What we have... it''s not empty, you know?"


    "...I guess I get it, but cheating is still wrong, you know?"


    "...Yeah. I''ve broken so many hearts before. But the past is in the past. There''s nothing I can do about it to change it, can I?"


    "...What if you do the same thing to me the moment you get bored?" I hated having to ask him that. I really did. But I need some sort of warranty that he''s not going to dump me like he has his past girlfriends, even if that warranty is just his word.


    "...I swear it. Nate, meeting you is... meeting you has been one of the best things that''s happened to me, you know? I know we didn''t get off on the right foot, and that because of that...," he stopped himself mid-sentence. I guess he was about to say a bad word. "That Billy... but... I''ve changed, you know? I like you. I really do. And I wouldn''t want to lose you, no matter what. Okay?"


    Damn. That was a rather long and emotional speech; I guess he really does like me.


    "Okay. I like you too."

 32. Bathroom

    Billy''s POV


    At least I knew Nate didn''t hate me for storming out like a little bitch, and I told him that I didn''t hate him for... dating Tom. I don''t feel good knowing that the two are going to be together. Billy is a sweetheart who doesn''t deserve to be hurt, which is exactly what that scumbag Tom is going to do.


    I saw Tom heading into the bathroom, and I decided to pay him a visit. I pretended to be on my phone, and Tom, lost in his thoughts, didn''t even see me leaning against the walls. I put my phone in my pocket, and when he saw my reflection in the mirror, his eyes widened.


    He turned around to face me. "B-Billy, what are you doing here?" he asked.


    "Listen here, you little bastard," I commanded, "While I may not be able to tell Nate who he can date, if I even see a frown on his face, I will break every single one of your bones, understood?!"


    "...Look who''s talking. Where''s the change of heart?" he pushed me back, "As far as I''m aware, it was you who tried to make Nate''s high school life a living hell." His face got inches close to mine.


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    Every time I hit Nate, I made Nate cry, I gave Nate a bruise, they all flooded back to my mind. My chest was raging with fury towards myself and guilt. Even if Nate''s forgiven me about all the bullying, I know that I will carry that with me for the rest of my life.


    "I... I know very well how much I''ve hurt, but that doesn''t give you the right to hurt him either!" I yelled. "He''s been through enough. I have no idea what you''re planning to do with him, but you''d better drop it!"


    "''Planning,'' what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Not everybody is sick in the head like you. I''m not planning to do anything with him, apart from maybe being a boyfriend he deserves. And you don''t deserve him."


    What did he mean by the last two sentences? Is he trying to say that I have feelings for Nate or something?


    "What do you mean?" I asked.


    "You can stop playing dumb. I have no idea what sick crush you have on Nate, but you should stay away from him. Especially now since he belongs to me."


    "I don''t belong to anyone," a voice said from the entrance of the bathroom, "I don''t belong to you, Tom, nor to you, Billy." There was anger in his voice I hadn''t heard before. This was not your typical nerdy Nate. I guess he''s had enough. "I''m not some fucking object that you can just claim. Get that into your head."


    This was not good.

 33. Nate

    Nate''s POV


    I heard somebody arguing in the bathroom, and there are only two people that came to mind when it comes to that action ¨C Billy and Tom. Lo and behold, there they were, pushing each other like those male goats.


    I watched them argue for a little bit, not wanting to interrupt their little bromance, but what struck me was when Tom said, "Nate''s mine." What did he mean by that? Am I some sort of object to him that can just be "claimed"? Or do these guys think they''re werewolves? Tom has never even asked me to be his boyfriend. You can''t just claim somebody as yours when you haven''t even gone on one proper date, let alone them being your boyfriend.


    Although I do like the idea of Tom belonging to me too, there are still... rules that need to be followed. And Tom was not following those rules. I did not like that.


    "I don''t belong to anyone," I said. "I don''t belong to you, Tom, nor to you, Billy." I was actually really pissed off at them. I was tired of being stuck between their problems. They need to stop using my name every time they have a fight from now on because it really isn''t fair. And it sucks.


    "N-Nate," Tom said, "H-how long have you been standing there?" He moved himself towards me, the distance between him and Billy growing bigger. My best friend was staring at Tom with hatred and disgust the entire time.


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    "Long enough to have heard all your bullshit," I said. "I''m tired, guys. It''s not fair. It''s not fair always being in the middle of your fights. It''s not fair because sometimes I wonder if I was the reason your friendship ended."


    "You were not," Tom denied, "our friendship... ended," he said, with bitter sadness in his voice, "because it was meant to end."


    "W-well, can''t you try and... just be friends again?"


    Tom stayed silent for a few seconds before he took a deep breath and held my hands in his. "It''s... not that simple, Nate. We''re never gonna be friends with each other again. It''s just... not how it works... it''s not that simple."


    Of course, ''it''s not that simple.'' I mean, I''ve never really even had friends, so how would I know? I looked over at Billy, who, despite the fire in him, looked down for a second. Was he upset because of his friendship, or was he upset because Tom was holding my hands?


    Billy''s POV


    I can''t stand seeing Tom hold Nate''s hands like that. Tom doesn''t deserve Nate, not even a little bit. Tom is a piece of trash who''s just going to end up hurting Nate. Fuck. What do I do? How do I save my one true friend from Tom before he becomes another one of his victims?


    I don''t want to have to hold Nate crying in my arms because I don''t want to see Nate cry in the first place. Especially not because of a shit like Tom. I fucking hate him so much. I fucking hate him from the bottom of my heart to the point it burns. Tom, you are one of the most despicable people I have ever met. FUCK!

 34. Love

    Nate''s POV


    Tom pulled me by my hand out of the bathroom, but not aggressively, more dominantly, as if he wanted to make sure everybody, including me, knew that I belonged to him. We decided to ditch school because, I guess, relationships are more fun than learning. By "we," I mean Tom.


    He let go of my hand after we left the school grounds, and we walked silently. I didn''t think too much of it and just tried to hold his hand in mine. The warmth of his hand felt nice, although it was a bit sweaty, probably from the heated argument between him and Billy.


    I left Billy there without saying a word. I feel bad for him. First, his family, then his girlfriend, only to find out later that it was because Tom betrayed him. Now, I feel like a backstabbing "friend" to him too. I have no idea what I''m supposed to do with him. And I wouldn''t want Tom to start feeling jealous or something, even though Billy''s straight. Or maybe he''d feel jealous because if I were to befriend Billy again, that would, I guess, mean less attention for Tom.


    Tom stopped dead in his tracks suddenly, which surprised me for a second.


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    "Nate," he started. I was starting to get scared. He put both of my hands into his now. "Will you... will you be my boyfriend?"


    Wait... Tom was actually asking me to be his... boyfriend? Officially boyfriends?! Wow...


    "I...I...," I had no words that wanted to leave my throat. I was so confused because it was so all of a sudden.


    "L-look," Tom started stuttering, "I-if you d-don''t want that, r-right now, or if you feel like you''re not r-ready... y-you don''t have t-to say anything... I...I''ll understand."


    "I...I do...," I replied.


    "W-what?" he asked.


    "I d-do want to be... your boyfriend."


    "R-really?" There was a spark in his eyes.


    "Yeah..."


    "Fuck yeah!" he yelled out. "Nate is my boyfriend!" There was this adorable smile on his face. It was so pure. I was smiling too. I finally have a boyfriend!


    "N-Nate... I know that it might be too early for this, but... I love you..."


    My eyes widened. He was right. This was way too early. He just became my boyfriend, and now he''s telling me that he loves me.


    "Okay, but listen... you don''t have to say it back if you don''t mean it, alright? Take your time..."


    "I...Okay. Let''s date for a while longer, and then I''ll finally say the magic words... okay?"


    "Alright, baby. I love you," and he approached me and kissed me. I kissed him back. Not only do I have a hot boyfriend now, but I have a boyfriend who loves me.

 35. I Love You, Tom

    "I don''t want you to be around, Billy, Nate," Tom said.


    I thought that we were over this, I really did. It''s been a few days since Tom became my boyfriend, and it''s weird when I think about how we were at the beginning. Every time Billy would even try to say a simple hello to me, Tom would give him the biggest death glare.


    "Tom, you''re being delusional. Billy is not¡ª"


    "You thought the same thing about me, didn''t you? I''ve seen how he looks at you. Look, I know that Billy might have some sort of weird obsession with you. I mean, I saw firsthand how much he changed because of you, and I just... I just can''t let him take you away from me, you know? Not when you''re finally mine."


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    "Dude, you''re the one who seems obsessed. Because of you, Billy doesn''t even want to look at me anymore. I love you, damn it."


    There, I finally said it.


    "Y-you..."


    "Yes, Tom. I, Nathaniel Thompson, love you, Thomas Curry, from the bottom of my heart."


    I could see tears forming in his eyes. I can only assume they''re happy tears, as he kept the same smile on his face, he''s bound to get wrinkles.


    "I-I..." He just went in and kissed me like there was no tomorrow. He bit my lip, and out of pure surprise, I opened my mouth, which he (ab)used to slide his tongue in. Not that I''m complaining, but give me a warning next time, bro.


    Damn, I fucking love this guy. I really do. I love him from the bottom of my heart. If he wants me to stay away from Billy, then I will. I will not let Billy nor anybody else get between me and Tom. Tom is literally perfect, and that''s not somebody you can just find like that.


    Billy, I''m sorry...

 36. He Was Right Pt. 1

    "Can we talk?" Billy asked. It was the same bathroom again. I''m really starting to hate this place.


    "No, I''m sorry, Billy, but we can''t talk," sadness sunk into my chest. It wasn''t supposed to end this way, but it is what it is.


    "W-what? Why not?" I hated seeing him angry, especially at me.


    "We... we just can''t," I didn''t want to rat out that Tom''s the reason why, so I just kept my mouth shut, but I do think I''m going to have to give him some sort of closure.


    "...It''s Tom, isn''t he?" Oh. I guess he''s much smarter than I''d originally thought. I wonder what gave it away?


    I didn''t say a word. I was neither going to deny this and lie nor was I going to agree and put Tom in a bad light. Silence is the key.


    "...So I was right. I knew this would happen. I fucking knew it. Every single time. Nate," he grabbed my arms, sending shivers down my spine, "look at me," the entire time I was avoiding his gaze. I didn''t want to be met by his fury and maybe even sadness. "Tom does this every single time. You will regret giving your heart to him like that. In the end, all he is going to do is hurt you."


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    "H-hey, that''s not true!" I yelled. His words triggered something in me. "I''m a guy. The reason why he cheated was because he was gay in the first place." I didn''t want to start nor finish the next sentence that came to my mind.


    "Oh, so you think you''re special? You think that you can change him? You''re delusional if you seriously believe that. You''re delusional if you really think that you''re anything different to him than any of the girls he''s been with. It''s just that you''re the first guy he''s gonna do something like that to!"


    "NO! STOP TALKING LIKE THAT ABOUT TOM!" I pushed his hands off me and ran from the bathroom. I had added Tom to Snapchat before, and he has his location on, so I could see exactly where he was. I needed to see him immediately. I needed him to tell me that he was not going to cheat on me like those other girls.


    I saw that he was in the lockers. Great, the place filled with toxic masculinity. Well, I guess if that''s where I needed to go to find Tom, then so be it.


    I entered the lockers, praying that nobody''s there, and there was none. I did hear moaning though, as I freaked out thinking that Tom might have hurt himself or something. Maybe he needs help.


    My soul left my body when I saw the guy I loved making out with another dude I didn''t know. "T-tom," I said, trembling.


    Billy looked at me with eyes wide open, like he''d seen an alien or a ghost. "N-Nate, t-this isn''t what it looks like~"


    I ran out of there as fast as I could. I could hear Tom calling my name behind me, but I didn''t bother to look back. Billy was right. Billy was always right. I''m no special. I was no different.

 37. He Was Right Pt. 2

    ''How could I be so stupid?'' I thought to myself. It''s been a few days since I last saw Tom. I don''t want to see his face ever again. Just thinking about him makes me want to throw up. How could I give myself to him like that? Why did I not listen to Billy? He only wanted what''s best for me. He''s known Tom for years while I barely knew him for a few weeks. That narcissistic shit thought that he even had the right to tell me not to be around Billy. He called him a ''bad influence'' when the only shit influence I had in my life was Tom to begin with.


    I have no idea if Billy will ever be able to forgive me either. I should have taken his advice. Did I lose him as a friend? Did I really lose the only true friend I''ve ever had in my entire life? How could I be so stupid? What did I do to deserve this anyway? Why are people so shitty? I could spend hours, days, months, or even years pondering about the last question, but no matter, as right now, the only thing I wanted to do was cry. Cry like there''s no tomorrow. Cry whatever feelings towards Tom I have or had out of my mind, body, and soul. He was not worth the pain I''m in right now.


    I was in the same park in which the friendship between me and Billy sparked, but the thing is I was the one crying this time, not him. Perhaps not because of something as bad as Billy went through, but it still sucked. It sucks. It really does. It sucks the same way Tom was sucking on that boy''s tongue there. I chuckled to that sentence. Why do people always betray me anyway?


    My heart dropped to my knees when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I thought I was done for. It had got to be a serial killer. My breathing got heavier, but I also thought that it might be Tom. It might be Tom so that he can apologize for what he''s done to me and tell me that we can go back to normal, pretending that this never happened. I turned around, and with eyes widened, I was met with Billy''s sympathetic ones. There was sadness and comfort in them. I was disappointed that it wasn''t Tom, but at the same time, I was really glad that at least I didn''t lose another person that I love.


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    Love. Huh. Strange word if you ask me. What does love even mean? Fuck my life.My eyes went back to ''normal'' as the fear in me dispersed. Billy sat next to me, and it didn''t take me long for me to lay my head on his chest as he hugged me and bailed my eyes on.I was so pathetic. It was really embarrassing to cry in front of him, on him, for something so stupid and for a dumbass like Tom, but I really needed to get it done if I wanted to be over this as soon as possible.


    Author''s note: Attention to the few Kappa Kappa S*uts reading this (this is a joke a.k.a. reference from Scream Queens plz do NOT take that seriously, anyway), as you may know from my Twitter, if you follow me, that as you should, duh, I did not have a laptop for quite a few days (20 to be exact), so I could not write (or technically I could on my phone but nah, that''s too much painful work), and yeah, I didn''t have a scheduled release for 21st and 22nd of this month, October 2023, and that is why there were no new chapters. Anyway, I have to write one more today, and I will post it today as well, as to fill out the ones that I missed for the two days. I hope you like it! <3