《Martyr: Wishing for the End》 Chapter 1: A short visitation I reach deep into my existence and drag forth a few sparks of my Vitality into the greater world. Sparks that are then carefully molded and shaped into a proper high-class healing spell. Perhaps a bit stronger of a spell than would be necessary for healing my patient, but if I can spend a bit of extra vitality without my patron interfering, then I will. I look over the spell a couple of times, best not to mess this up. A thorough check of the structure reveals no abnormalities, so I release my hold upon my Vitality and allow the spell to trigger. The air flashes briefly with a soft burnt orange glow and the body of the child, the target of my spell, heals. The flesh mends, the bones straighten, the infection fades, and before long enough the child is healthy, perhaps even healthier than before he got injured. Yet while the child is saved, I can feel my end come ever closer. Good. If I could feel anything approaching happiness it would be in these moments when my death becomes inevitably closer. I would be spending more of my own vitality if I could, but forces beyond me prevent such an occurrence from coming about. The aches of my body worsen ever so slightly and I can¡¯t help but wince. I may only be 31, but it feels as if my body is that of someone 30 years older. The aches are the least of my worry though, I am a fragile person, now more than ever due to my years of spellcasting. My skin is paper thin and easy to cut, my immune system is horrible, my muscles look as if they are wasted away, and I haven¡¯t had a good night of rest in over a year. I look horrible, perhaps more horrible than I feel, but even then I find it hard for me to care about my physical appearance. I hide it all under my garb. I would prefer people not worry about my health, especially when my end goal is to die, to finally cease and forever rest. I am very surprised that I am still around, what I do isn¡¯t conducive to survival at all. I wanted to die when I got dragged off to this world and I still want to die now. Different reasons, same goal. The only reason I haven¡¯t killed myself is because I can¡¯t. The being, entity, whatever that brought me here won¡¯t allow me to. Not by inaction or action. I cannot engage in any form of physical self harm, when I tried the entity took control over my limbs, making me nothing more than a puppet to whatever the being that brought me here. I cannot throw myself at a strong monster or person, the being intervenes and either has me cast a stronger spell using my own vitality or stops me from even following through with my idea. I cannot cast spells frivolously to burn away my vitality, the Entity prevents me from even trying to cast a spell outside of situations it deems proper. All I can do is stew in my misery, heal people, try to be in dangerous situations, and pray for the day that I am released from this hell of my own making. To say that I hate myself is an understatement. I let out a sigh and look down at the child that has finished healing, the effects of the spell no longer visible. I try to cast another diagnostic spell on them only to find my spellcasting once again sealed. My fists clench before I close the distance for a physical examination. With my shaky hands I give the child a look over, only taking a step back once I am satisfied with the results of my efforts. The child is well and I got to burn some Vitality, a fair trade in my opinion. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. I grab my walking staff, something that became a necessity for me a couple of months ago, my body no longer being able to support itself quite as well due to all of the Vitality I have used over my time here. Great decision on my part, as I need the mobility to end myself faster. My pack is the next thing I grab. It is a dirty and damaged thing, but it is mine and it contains everything I own. It is a struggle to get my pack onto my back with the frailness of my body, but I eventually managed to secure it onto myself.. Once I am all packed up and ready to go I finally head out of the door and into the waiting frenzy of the child¡¯s family. ¡°How is Gerald? Will he survive?¡± Ah, so that is the name of the child. I hadn¡¯t been paying attention after my patron started to prod me towards the child in need of my services. Just like it prods me to heal just about everyone injured I come across above a certain threshold. Both a blessing and a curse, a blessing because of the vitality I get to spend, a curse because said prodding involves the entity puppeting my body. ¡°Gerald will be fine, I suggest you give him another day or two of rest even if the wounds are healed. Aside from that, send out a request to the Adventurers guild for the extermination of the monster and make sure to keep a close eye on him and the other children.¡± The mother nods and I step out of the doorframe and let the family swarm past me into the room. I let out a sigh and readjust my pack, might as well get back onto the road I have some more wandering to do. Perhaps if I get lucky enough some random natural disaster will kill me before the entity can intervene. A freak lightning storm perhaps? Ah, no perhaps not, that failed last time. Maybe a landslide? A Meteorite would be acceptable as well if a bit harder to come across. I bite down on that fantasy and squash it. Not likely to happen, not after that one time I got caught up in a massive storm, my patron had made me dodge a lightning strike that would have killed me. Haven¡¯t gotten that lucky again sadly, maybe I should wander over towards the swamp again, I got to burn a decent amount of vitality there before being forced out of there via body puppeteering. I delve deep into my mind and locate the link between my patron and myself and ask it for when my suffering will end, when it will allow me to die. No answer would be coming, but I send the question over anyway. I know it can hear me. The first time I had located the link and sent something over it I got a feeling of surprise back for half a second before it went silent. It never responded after that of course, but that doesn¡¯t stop me from sending it what I can. My pleas for death, the apathy, the depression. Anything and everything that is the result of my suffering that my patron causes each day that I live. I send it all and pray that it either gets sick of my shit and strikes me down or it finally takes pity on me and allows a quick and painless death. Just as I leave the house, I hear the mother call out to me. What is it now? ¡°Thank you Saint of Wandering, know that you will always be welcome in our house and the houses of our neighbors.¡± I nod even as I grit my teeth. A small spark of annoyance flaring up and breaking my more normal apathy. I dislike that title, the name that the villages and towns that I pass through have granted me. I think that I can even say that I hate how they ascribe what I have done as selfless and kind. They make it sound like I am doing any of this out of my own free will, that I am doing this to make the world a better place, that I do this to help those who are unable to afford the medicine or fee required to hire a Healer or Cleric. I don¡¯t do any of this to help other people. I do this in the hopes that someday I will either keel over dead from expending too much Vitality or that my patron will finally allow me to die. To free me from being alive and the suffering that being alive causes. A deep breath to calm down. I say no words to her, I simply turn around and continue my walk. Striding down the road heading towards the nearby forest. With the recent increase in monster population I have a much higher chance of getting attacked or ambushed. Something that would force me to defend myself and likely require me to spend some Vitality to survive. One of them might even get lucky and kill me before my patron can do anything. Nothing has before, nothing ever will, I toss aside that fantasy like the garbage it is and move on with my life. Chapter 2: An Encounter Nature is a beautiful place, especially at night when I can see the stars. A view that I never quite got to see when I lived on Earth, the light pollution smothered out so much of the night sky to the point where only the brightest of stars were visible. It was something that had filled me with awe when I first arrived, but now it is simply part of my life, the beauty no longer moves me. Nature no longer moves me and that makes me sad. Which might be better than hate, but honestly I can¡¯t find it in me to explore said thought. The only reason that I am out here now is to stumble across something dangerous or otherwise put myself in an environment where I will suffer enough to have the chance to burn some Vitality but not enough to be puppeted somewhere safer. It would be a bit of a hit or miss with these woods due to the rising monster population, but with said risk of losing bodily autonomy comes the opportunity to die faster. I rouse myself from my thoughts when I feel a slight tugging on my mind and body. My patron has decided that I must go somewhere, likely to heal someone. I contemplate for a moment turning away from the guidance of my patron, to force them to make me travel, but I toss that idea away like the garbage it is. I don¡¯t have a choice in this matter, I never do when it comes to their guidance. I tighten my grip on my staff and start putting some real effort in moving. If I do this right then I should be able to overexert myself before being puppeted which means I will have to use some of my Vitality. I let myself run with wild abandon, not caring for where my feet are placed, only the direction I travel in, and several times I feel my step shift away from where it was originally meant to go. I feel the pulling grow stronger. Whoever needs healing needs healing soon, and more importantly whoever needs healing is important in some way. I have no idea why someone important would be out here in the woods close to some backwater village far away from any major city. A scream. The pulling has vanished and my body is no longer under my control. I exist as a prisoner in my own body. I would have panicked if not for the fact that I am long since used to this and have learned that resisting will only make things even more difficult. My stride lengthens as my body starts using every ounce of force that it has to speed up my travel. My steps are perfectly placed in just the right way so that nothing impedes my travel. I burst into a clearing to find a gathering of Goblins surrounding a group of teenagers. Three females and a male. All of them well outfitted, but the Goblins outnumber them to a large degree so some attacks are breaking through their guard, as seen by one of the female teenagers having a stab wound that was likely coated in feces of some kind. Her teammates won¡¯t be able to help her in time due to the remaining Goblins. Something about this group makes them important, it might just be the downed teenager, or it might be the entire group. Regardless, I have to save them. As I reach into my existence, my body continues to run towards the Goblins, staff brandished and ready to smack some heads in. I make to grab all of my Vitality only to find that I can only grab 4 sparks. Disappointing, but spent Vitality is spent Vitality. I externalize the sparks and weave them into three spells. Two sparks for offensive, one for defensive, and one for healing. I cast my shield first, creating a dome of protection around the teens, I then release my attack. Before me a wave of flame spreads and quickly engulfs Goblins, burning them down to the bones within seconds. I extinguish the spell once I close the distance and cast my final spell upon the downed girl. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. My patron stops the puppetting and I barely manage to get my staff planted on the ground in time to stop me from falling over. I try to dip into my Vitality and find that once again my access is restricted. I feel like shit but that''s about par for the course in my life. ¡°Thank you so much! I thought we were all going to die.¡± The boy wants to talk, how quaint. I let out a grunt turn around and start hobbling away. I don¡¯t want to talk to any of you and just want to continue on my way. Leave me alone. ¡°Sir, please come back, could we at least treat you to a meal as thanks for saving and healing us?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°How about-¡± ¡°I said no kid.¡± I let out a sigh and point my hand in the direction of the village. There is a village about 15 minutes walking southeast of here. Head there and warn the village of how close the Goblins were to the edge of the forest and their numbers. If you can get the word out to your fellow adventurers or the guild, then do so. Now stop bothering me, I have places to be.¡± ¡°Can we at least have your name?¡± ¡°No, you can¡¯t.¡± I continue my hobbling away as I can hear the party squabbling a bit behind me. I know not what their argument is about, nor do I care. I have some woods to traverse and if I come across another gathering of Goblins then I have a perfectly good reason to use up even more vitality. Things however do not go my way. I snap out of my thoughts when I hear a branch snap behind me. I whirl around only to find that the party is now following me, and doing a bad job of trying to hide it. ¡°Children, why are you following me?¡± One of the teenage girls speaks this time, cloaked in mage garb with a wand and several pouches around her waist. One who studies the Arcane, I thought it odd that she chose to be an adventurer rather than a non-combat role as most mages prefer. ¡°You are an old man wandering the woods without any protection. Even if you are a powerful mage, if you get ambushed you¡¯ll be killed.¡± I can¡¯t help but laugh, I want to die, their concern is unneeded and unwanted. ¡°I have yet to meet anything that can kill me, girl. I welcome everything in these woods to try, it would make my day. Now go back and do whatever it is you adventurers do.¡± I try to grab some vitality and as I suspected, my access is blocked. I really don¡¯t want to deal with these children. I don¡¯t want people in my life. I don¡¯t want to risk getting attached. I move to leave and the children start to follow me. The male speaks. ¡°Could you help us exterminate the Goblin camp we found? With a mage of your power such a thing would be a breeze.¡± I raise an eyebrow, they managed to find the camp? That certainly would explain why there was such a large group after them. This also presents an opportunity to use up some Vitality. ¡°I question your intelligence if you went looking for such a thing with as small of a group as yours, but I am listening, child. Tell me the location of this camp.¡± ¡°It''s about 30 minutes of running¡­. north of here. ¡°What do you know of the numbers there? Are there any structures? What about fire? I need to know these details.¡± ¡°Uhhh. not sure about the numbers, we are all somewhat new to this, but we did see two tents and a fire?¡± This is much worse than I thought. Enough that I do not want these children near the coming battle. ¡°Go home children, you will not survive the coming battle, the Goblins are propped up by a greater force. Leave and warn the village. I will go on ahead and do my part to rid the world of these creatures. You all will do nothing but slow me down.¡± I turn around and leave. There are Goblins to slaughter, a potential demon to kill, and Vitality to burn. The children do not follow behind me. Chapter 3: Demon Goblins are an interesting creature. Mostly in the fact that they are intelligent, almost akin to people, the other part being that they are sadistic monsters. Every single Goblin, regardless of how they are raised and what they are taught, gains an insatiable thirst for violence and the pain of non-Goblin species. Studies show that these traits become prevalent after they first inflict some form of pain upon another living being, but the cause of this change is unknown to all, nothing available to the people of this land have been able to find what causes this drastic shift in behavior, and the Gods certainly won¡¯t entertain such a question either. I take a deep breath and review my plan now that I am close to the camp. It was easy enough to close the distance, especially when it seems that the Goblins must have captured several animals and are actively torturing them. It also helps that their noses are overspecialized in smelling blood compared to everything else. Where was I? Ah, yes, plan. Wide area fire spell as an opener should finish off the Goblins, anything in those tents might survive, but I can just use a more powerful single target spell as needed. Best check to see what my patron has decided to let me use for the upcoming slaughter. I reach deep inside of myself and come out with 15 sparks. A dire warning indeed. Something in that camp is excessively strong, enough so that my patron has afforded me more sparks at once than ever before. I grin wide, this is great¡­ for me that is, not for them, they are going to die a death that is significantly less painful than it should be. I spare no sympathy for their species nor their circumstances. I start with 5 sparks, externalize them, and then weave them into a single spell. Wide area fire attack. Boundaries and limitations set up so that the attack will only spread to 10 feet away from the edges of the camp, the fire generated from the spell linked so that all fire can be extinguished at the same time, intensity increased so that the Goblins will die faster and potentially damage whatever is hiding in those tents. I release the spell and watch as the entire camp bursts into flames. I hear shrieks of pain from the Goblins before they quiet down seconds later. Part one done, now let me see what''s next. ¡°MOTHERFUCKER!¡± Oh? So there actually was a demon here. Even better! I had hoped that there was one! I find myself being slammed against a tree with a sickening crack and horrific pain, only in the upper body though. I feel nothing from my legs, eh, not a problem. I use up 3 sparks, externalize, then weave a healing spell into existence. My bones mend and I have feeling in my legs again. The pain still lingers but that matters not. I have a strong opponent. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. This demon horrifically injured me with an omnidirectional airblast. Something that they should be easily able to repeat based upon the casual usage of the attack, and if an attack is omnidirectional then I can¡¯t dodge it and will have to use even more of my Vitality! I might be forced to make some barriers or shields, but that still burns more Vitality. I force myself up and close the distance, stopping at the edge of the now larger clearing. The demon stands where one of the tents used to be, and appears to be a hybrid of some kind due to its more humanistic features such as a human face, two human-like arms, and two human-like legs. I could analyze the demon more but that matters little compared to the fact that I have an opportunity before me. I take a deep breath, fake a loud cough, and start sprinting at the demon. ¡°You! You are the one who did this! DIE!¡± A swipe of its arm generates another wide blast of air, something that I don¡¯t attempt to block at all, my patron on the other hand does. I become a flesh puppet once again as a single spark is externalized against my will and woven into a defensive barrier centered upon myself, cutting through the attack with ease. My charge continued uninterrupted. Annoying, but manageable. I need to provoke the demon more, get them attacking me more often. A single spark externalizes by my own will and I weave it into a fast moving force projectile. I aim it at a limb, but just as I release it I find my aim forcefully readjusted. The projectile lands directly in the center of its gut, wounding it much more seriously than I originally planned. My irritation rises, but I am still expending my Vitality. I purposefully slow down my charge and that gives the demon just enough time to regather themself and launch a salvo of much more concentrated airblasts at me. Enough that I am forced to spend another spark of Vitality reinforcing my barrier instead of taking the blows head on. The distance is closed and I grasp at my Vitality trying to grab everything that I can and find that I come out with 2 extra sparks bringing my available total to 6. I externalize and weave the 6 sparks together into a single spell. Virtually no range and control in exchange for power beyond what it should have for the cost I pay. I lock it in place relative to the knuckles of my right hand. If I get lucky I might even lose my arm and that will certainly cost a pretty penny in terms of Vitality. I fake a strike with my staff before striking with my right arm. My blow is blocked all of the same, this worn out body of mine isn¡¯t very fast, but my spell triggers all of the same. I grin at the pain, as the feeling of losing my dominant hand and half of my right forearm. I spellcast primarily with my right, so my patron is going to have to let me heal it. I grab for some more Vitality and manage to grab a whole 4 sparks and quickly externalize and weave them into a limb regeneration spell. I grit my teeth for a second as new flesh and bone burst out from the stump. With that taken care of, I observe the crater where my foe once stood. Nothing there at all. Just an empty crater, but then again, I wasn¡¯t exactly expecting anything else. Few things survive something like that, not without being much stronger or possessing some strong magical items. The demon has neither as it was effectively nude. I let out a sigh. I could use a proper rest at this point, but if I continue pushing myself than I might get the chance to burn even more Vitality. So instead of resting like a sane person, I turn around and start making my way back to the village. Might as well inform them that the Goblin problem is solved and that a Demon was both there and killed. If those kids are there then I can make sure that the knowledge of the demon is sent over to the Guild. I have no want or need to be interrogated by the Truthtellers that would undoubtedly be present. Meticulous bastard, so prim and proper, them and their stacks of paperwork. I agreed to an interrogation once and I was stuck doing paperwork for 2 whole weeks. Those kids deserve to be buried under the paper. The country is a monarchy! Why is there even that much paperwork in the first place?