《The Dance of Crimson Snow》
Part 1
Snowflakes danced down the emptied streets. Old, gloomy lamps cast a yellowish light upon the scenery. Comforting coldness embedded itself onto the scene. Small dancing crystals of ice put a soft blanket of snow on the otherwise so hard concrete street. The stars were hidden between snowflakes, somewhere high up in the grey winter sky, their grasp far out of reach. The moon barely cast its soft ambiance between the snow¡¯s dance, resting on the dark horizon like an ancient presence.
Ekant felt another snowflake hit the bony palm of his hand, the coldness it carried soon overwritten by the hot pulsing present through his entire body. Another snowflake flew by, close to his unmoving face, and added itself into the red puddle of blood-soaked snow which had formed around his limb body. His back rested upon the snowy ground as he could feel his view slowly glide out of consciousness.
Now the time had come¡
¡His time to be one with the crimson snow.
---
Earlier that night
The door of the coffee shop opened accompanied by the high-pitched tinkling of a bell. A wave of warm and dry air hit him, which was a harsh contrast to the cold, wet outside world. A single head behind the counter turned slowly, as if to sigh at the view of a customer. The staff ¨C a middle aged female ¨C put down her smartphone, put on her service smile as Ekant shuffled towards the counter.
Around 1 meter above the staff¡¯s head, colourfully lit-up screens advertised all kinds of different baked goods and coffee. Some of them carried extravagant titles he had never heard of before, capital letters exclaiming things like: ¡®super midnight special¡¯.
He blinked three times. The glaring of the lights hurt his eyes... maybe he had gotten used to darker surroundings a little too much.
¡°Welcome to the downtown Coffee-shop. The best coffee 24-hours a day, 7-days¡¯a week! How may I brighten up your night?¡± the staff¡¯s forced, cheery voice stated.
She sure looks like she¡¯s here 24/7, he thought.
¡°I uh¡¡± Ekant kept his gaze lowered as he spoke, hesitated for a moment, then continued, ¡°...take one coffee.¡±
¡°Sure! Milk or sugar? May I interest you fo-¡±
¡°None. Black coffee.¡±
The female behind the counter swallowed, paused for a second.
¡°Anything else?¡± she asked.
He tightened his lips, gave the monitors a second glance. Ekant pointed up towards one of the screens, said, ¡°I¡¯ll have one of these... sandwiches over there.¡±
The staff barely held her-set up smile straight, her cheery voice hurting Ekant¡¯s eardrums from their irritating, motivated tone, ¡°Alright. You can sit down wherever you want. It¡¯s not like anyone is going to take your seat anyway, hehe.¡±
Silence filled the surrounding space, the silent buzzing of advertising screens the only noise present.
Ekant took a glance around the empty coffee shop, responded to the staff¡¯s attempted joke with a static, thin-lipped smile.
¡°I will bring the food to your table once it¡¯s ready,¡± she said. ¡°That will be 4 euros 45 then.¡±
He fetched his purse out of the side pocket of his winter jacket, which still had some snowflakes on it, and viewed upon his massive wealth.
Around 25 euros left¡ well, it¡¯s not like I will need them anymore, he thought, scratching himself on the back of his head.
A sigh escaped his dry lips.
He pulled a 5€ note out of the purse and put it down on the counter.
¡°You can keep the change.¡±
---
Ekant sat on a white, cheap plastic chair. His right arm ¨C which was currently being used as a pillow ¨C rested on the wooden table in front of him. His head was turned sideways, his coffee breath making the glass-front next to him lightly steam up as he beheld the icy scenery outside. Every now and then a car drove by¡ but beyond that, there wasn¡¯t much movement.
Besides the dance of the snow, of course.
I wonder what time it¡¯s right now¡ he thought. Ah, who cares? At least I found the courage to finally leave my apartment. After I finish this coffee, I will get going.
A tinkling broke the silence which had taken over the room earlier. Ekant kept his gaze lowered, didn¡¯t plan on having more social interaction tonight.
Another pretentious and overly cheery person? No, thank you, he thought.
He felt inside of himself, felt a black cloud of emotions hidden away behind an emotionless facade. He felt a sickening burden underneath his mortal shell: the void he had carried with him for a couple of years by now.
The sandwich had failed to lighten up his mood, but who was he to ask for something like that anyways?
Ekant almost smashed his head against the table as he heard the voice of the staff again, the annoying squeaker repeating the usual line: ¡°Welcome to the down-town Coffee-shop. The best coffee 24-hours a day, 7-days¡¯a week. How may I brighten up your night?¡±
They probably brainwash them or some shit, Ekant thought. They force them to watch tapes on repeat until lines like that are engraved inside their brain.
But after the staff had stopped talking, another female voice responded. It was softer, with a comforting aura of calmness embedded into its sound.
It also wasn¡¯t set up.
Ekant lifted his head, stretched out a bit and took a sip out of his half-empty paper cup. Curiosity now stronger than the void inside his chest, he risked a brief glance towards the counter.
It seemed his ears hadn¡¯t deceived him: There was a girl ¨C appearing to be around his age ¨C ordering some food and coffee. She was wearing a rather thick-looking coat, her hands hidden in her coat¡¯s pockets. Long, curly hair dangled off her head, signs of the snowstorm still visible in her clothing¡¯s fabric.
A quiet, creeping nostalgia had hit Ekant for a moment, but his supposition had gotten disproven after a closer look.
She has some familiarities with her, he thought. Glad it¡¯s someone else. I wouldn¡¯t be able to endure being in her presence. Everything started to break apart after we parted ways, he thought.
Then... their eyes met.
---
Mouna put down the money on the counter, gave the staff an honest smile. After the staff had finished talking, she turned and scanned the room for a place to sit. She was greeted by an almost empty room, plastic chairs leaning against several lonely tables. A single person sat next to the large window facing the street, appeared to be looking in her direction. They locked eyes for a moment, then the male broke eye contact and turned to face the window.
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Something in the eyes of the man struck her as familiar. She had seen that expression before. Sadly, the male was too far away to be certain of her assumption¡ she would need to get closer to make sure her eyes hadn¡¯t deceived her.
Should I? she thought. She took another look around the empty room. Ah, why not? I wonder why anyone would be out here at this time.
She blew a wet hairline ¨C which snow melting from the sudden change of temperature had caused ¨C out of her face, moved over to the table and sat down across from the stranger.
She raised her voice, said, ¡°I hope you don''t mind.¡±
¡°Go ahead,¡± Ekant responded, his view stiffly fixed on his coffee.
¡°I wondered who else would go to a place like this at this ungodly hour.¡± She leaned back, took a sip from her paper cup. The familiar taste of coffee filled her mouth, washed some of the icy coldness on her skin away.
¡°Probably someone with a mildly concerning caffeine problem,¡± Ekant said. His face remained expressionless.
¡°Perhaps¡ or rather a caffeine addicted psychopath?¡± Mouna asked, started smiling as she saw the face of the man lose some of its tension.
He seems to be a little reserved, but at least he has a healthy sense of humour, she thought. I wonder why he¡¯s evading the question.
Ekant was surprised that he wasn¡¯t annoyed like usual, but rather calmed by the presence of the unknown female. He dared to look up from his cup, viewed the features of the girl sitting across from him.
She was around his age¡ perhaps 20-something years old. Hazel eyes emphasized her pale skin sprinkled with freckles. Her expression was calm and laid back on her rather roundish face. No signs of fatigue could be spotted from the way she looked or spoke. She had leaned back against her white plastic chair, legs crossed, hands on the back of her head.
¡°How can you look so¡ lively at a time like this?¡± he asked.
¡°The name¡¯s Ekant by the way.¡±
Mouna hesitated for a moment, then replied, ¡°I usually am awake at nighttime and sleep at daytime. I just prefer it like that. The night is more calm somehow¡ more quiet. I like that. Also, I don¡¯t have a job right now, so... yeah.¡±
She hesitated at the thought of going into detail ¨C telling Ekant about ¡®him¡¯. But it would probably be a bad topic choice. ¡®Hey, I changed my sleeping pattern to go out of the way of my toxic ex-boyfriend¡¯ just wasn¡¯t a good opening line to get to know somebody, even though she still felt an urge to share her current problems with someone.
¡°Oh also, I¡¯m Mouna. Glad I met someone interesting around here,¡± she added, having decided to focus on the present for now. ¡°Well... what brings you here at nighttime?¡±
Ekant scratched himself at his rather unkept beard, hesitated before responding, ¡°Couldn¡¯t sleep. Needed to get some fresh air.¡±
You fucking coward. You are talking to her for two minutes and are already lying, he thought. Well¡ it¡¯s not like I can tell her about the true reason I¡¯m here. It really isn¡¯t a suitable topic to set a vibe.
Mouna took a closer look at the person in front of her. The young male appeared to be around her age. He was rather unkept, wore his rather thick and dark hair to the side without any visible care for arrangement. Snowflakes had turned into water which now soaked his clothing. Ekant seemed like he didn¡¯t bother that much about it.
Her view glided towards Ekant¡¯s hand which was currently holding the coffee-cup. Short fingernails... they appeared to be chewed off rather than cut clean. Chewing fingernails? Probably caused by a coping mechanism from being uncomfortable in a certain situation.
From his appearance she concluded that he probably didn¡¯t take much care of himself, perhaps stayed at home the most of the time. His tired looking eyes underlined her assumptions, speaking a thousand words without saying a single one.
To be honest, he really didn¡¯t seem like the ¡®needed to get some fresh air¡¯ type of guy, but Mouna decided to just roll with it for now.
¡°Yea, fresh air can do wonders for sure,¡± she said. ¡°Life tends to get exhausting from time to time, and some things just suck. I know how you feel¡¡±
No, you probably don¡¯t, he thought. But I can¡¯t really judge you for it, to be honest.
He picked up his cup, took another sip of coffee, then said, ¡°I also don¡¯t have a job. Had to quit mine a few months ago... don¡¯t really wanna talk about it though.¡±
¡°Fair.¡± Mouna swept her gaze around the empty tables for a moment.
¡°You know what?¡±
¡°Hm?¡± Ekant put the cup back down.
¡°I was going to head to a favourite spot of mine after eating here¡¡± She hesitated as she saw one eyebrow of Ekant raise, then added, ¡°Wanna come with me?¡±
Ekant played with the thought of lying and making up an excuse. The girl would most likely just forget about him, and there wouldn¡¯t be any trouble. He really didn¡¯t want to force a burden on her. Yet, for some reason, something felt different this time. He felt like he should at least check it out, since, so he figured, there wasn¡¯t much to lose anyways.
And so he decided to take the risk.
¡°Yea, why not?¡±
Mouna spotted the slight dishonesty in Ekant¡¯s smile, even though it appeared like he was used smiling like that.
His lips are lying with confidence, but not because they want to deceive. It seems like they are just scared and being used to it, she thought.
¡°Alright, nice.¡± she said. ¡°No worries, I won¡¯t try something shady like stealing your shit.¡±
¡°Damn, do I really look that easy to trick?¡± Ekant returned.
And this time, his smile was an honest one.
¡°What gave me away? The way I speak?¡± he asked.
¡°The look in your eyes,¡± Mouna replied, then locked eyes with him. ¡°The eyes are the key to a person¡¯s soul.¡±
Ekant heard Mona¡¯s words, noticed a subtle tone of seriousness behind her irony.
Is she implying something? he thought.
He suddenly realized that his eyes felt heavy. Not physically heavy, but still heavy. He rarely noticed it nowadays, but they felt that way the most of the time. He had gotten used to the heaviness, much like to what originally caused it.
Ekant started scratching the fingernail of his left thumb against his middle finger, stopped himself after noticing.
¡°Huh?¡± He took a long sip of coffee, then leaned back. ¡°What exactly do you mea-¡±
¡°Uhm¡ Excuse me...¡± a familiar voice broke the conversation. The staff¡¯s arms were hidden behind her back in a polite way.
She waited a moment, realized that she had grabbed Ekant¡¯s and Mouna¡¯s attention, then continued, ¡°We close in a couple of minutes. No need to rush, just wanted to let you know.¡±
No need to rush? Ekant thought. The always present static smile on your half-asleep face underlines your subtle message rather obviously.
But yet again, he couldn¡¯t really blame her. If he would be in her position, he would be dead inside as well.
¡°Alright,¡± Ekant said, his fingers scratching again. ¡°We wanted to leave now anyways, right?¡±
He pushed the chair back, got up. The coffee cup still felt slightly warm in his palm.
¡°Huh? Uhm, yea.¡± Mouna said, then chugged down the rest of her coffee in one go. She got up, directed a nod towards the staff underlined with a soft smile. ¡°Thanks for being here this late. Hope you can relax a bit off shift.¡±
¡°Yea¡ right.¡± The staff member replied to Mouna¡¯s genuine smile with a set up one, which vanished as soon as she started turning away. Mouna wondered if, by any chance, today was ¡®fake your smile Friday¡¯, or if she was only imagining it. She held back a gnarly remark, readjusted her sweater instead.
She shrugged it off and followed Ekant, who had already started moving towards the exit. The sound of the bell greeted as they left the building and a wave of snow and coldness washed over them.
Ekant found himself back at the discomforting reality of the outside world. The darkness of the night was partly broken by city lights. He pulled the hood of his jacket up, gripped onto his paper cup with both hands.
Its warmth carried a slight glint of comfort.
¡°So where exactly is the place you want to show me?¡± he asked.
¡°About 15 minutes from here. You¡¯ll see once we get there. Will be worth it, I promise.¡±
¡°Ight. Just don¡¯t stab me in a back alley or something like that.¡±
¡°We¡¯ll see.¡±
He smiled.
Genuinely.
---
Part 2
15 minutes later
Snowflakes danced down the skies, added themselves to the blanket of snow covering the landscape. The city¡¯s sound had gotten faint behind the two of them, peaceful silence only interrupted by soles against snow. The cold temperature had caused the sky to clear a little, a handful of stars and the round shaped moon observing the world underneath the horizon.
Ekant saw his own breath. The hood of his jacket was pulled over his head to prevent the snow from freezing his hair again. His hands were dug deep into his pockets, like they were trying to escape from the cold outside world. He had finished his cup of coffee a couple of minutes ago, and the gentle warmth which had manifested on his palms had faded soon after.
They had reached the edge of the city, an area where the only sign of life was the street-lamps sparing some light from above.
Ekant knew this street. It had been there forever, worn down by cars which had driven over it even decades before he was even born. But after a new highway had been build not far away, it had more or less lost its purpose. Now all that remained was an empty track of asphalt.
Quite a coincidence, Ekant thought. I intended to head here anyways.
But he had decided earlier that he would focus on what was about to unfold right now before taking the leap. Might as well see what life had left to offer¡ see if there was still something left which could spark some interest.
Mouna had realized Ekant falling back, his gaze still fixed downwards. She had noticed the lack of movement in his walking, like he only repeated patterns saved up in his head. Hands in pockets, hood pulled over head. He was trying to hide away from nature, maybe something even bigger than that.
Hiding from the winter wasn¡¯t something Mouna planned on doing anytime soon. She had kept her hood off on purpose, enjoyed the snowflakes dance close to her face and, sometimes, even landing on it. It was a little cold, sure, but she preferred feeling a little cold over not feeling anything at all.
She took a look around, saw the pine trees covered in clear ice. The fresh, chilly air filled her lungs with a sense of being alive. The soft glow of the street lamps gently guided the way towards their destination. The bridge ¨C which was their destiny ¨C could already be seen, now around a hundred metres ahead of them.
She took another glance backwards. Ekant¡¯s movement hadn¡¯t changed¡ not even a little. It was like he was trying to keep every possible risk out of it, just focusing on getting from A to B.
Maybe, she thought, I can try to get him out of his comfort zone at least a little. He sure looks like he needs it.
She sighed, slowed down a little. His hands were still hidden away in his pockets, so she needed to alter her original plan a little. Once she got a chance, she grabbed Ekant¡¯s left wrist with her right hand, said, ¡°We¡¯re almost there. You look like you¡¯re about to fall asleep while walking.¡±
Mouna noted Ekant turn his head in surprise, added before he could really react, ¡°Let¡¯s step it up a bit.¡±
And she started running.
Ekant, who had visibly gotten caught off guard, was now running to keep up with the sudden change of pace. He was forced to take a look around himself not to fall over, noticed the bridge right in front of him. They indeed had gone exactly where he had planned on heading earlier.
The bridge, which presented itself in front of them, connected two mountains and enabled the street to keep going straight. The heavy construct ¨C which mostly consisted out of wood and stone ¨C had carried millions of cars in the past. It was more or less a wonder this things was still standing, especially if you knew the other thing the bridge was known for. They sure tried their best to not let anything about it get to public. It was supposed to keep people from doing it for attention. But Ekant didn¡¯t want to get any attention anyways... so that was just another reason for him to do it here.
Now tables had turned, though. His plans had to be delayed for a bit. It gave him an odd feeling ¨C being here with someone else ¨C but he remembered to think about what he had decided for himself earlier.
Just focus on the moment.
And so he focused on the now, which mostly consisted of attempting to not fall over. His hands were both outside of his pockets now, assisting his movements as they dashed over the bridge. But besides all the hectic, besides all the chaos which running brought with it, he couldn¡¯t help but notice something else:
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A soft warmth had appeared where Mouna¡¯s hand had gripped his wrist.
Mouna didn¡¯t seem to mind the snow inside of her hair, which struck him as kind of weird. Why would anyone want that kind of thing if it could be prevented? Why allow discomfort if it could be locked away?
After they had reached the middle of the worn down bridge, they stopped running. Ekant panted clouds of smoke as he tried to regain his breath. His and Mouna¡¯s eyes met. She appeared to smile even brighter than before.
¡°You sound like a chain smoker. What¡¯s the matter?¡± she asked.
Ekant, who now leaned against the railing of the bridge, cleared his throat, then responded, ¡°You could have at least warned me.¡± He was tempted to meet Mouna¡¯s face with a harsh glance, but his facial expression lightened instead.
This was the moment in time he realized that her hand still held onto his wrist. It was almost like the warmth of the coffee-cup had returned but¡ different.
¡°Have you been here before? You didn¡¯t even look at your surroundings while walking up here,¡± she said.
¡°Yea¡¡± He took a quick glance over the railing, down towards the dark. There was around 20 metres until the bottom, which was deep enough.
22 metres, to be precise. He had checked it online a while ago.
Mouna took a glance over the railing as well, saw the lights of the city scenery in the distance. ¡°It¡¯s the most pretty at night. You know, this bridge has always been a place of peace for me... of hope. I get out here to think sometimes. I don¡¯t know... the view just carries something special for me.¡±
Ekant thought about Mouna¡¯s words. She seemed to be telling the truth, yet he couldn¡¯t quite figure out what exactly she meant. This place caused different emotions for him. Ekant could only see the deep, dark pit below, lingering with tempting allure. He felt the cold air, which he couldn¡¯t escape even though he had covered himself from it.
He also felt the sad melancholy of the night fogging up his head like a deep hazardous cloud.
But then Mouna continued.
She talked about the details of the landscape and city, the buildings and cars, the moon and the stars. Her hand let go of Ekant¡¯s wrist, and she started pointing towards objects and spots in the distance. Her words carried a source of energy which he couldn¡¯t quite figure, something he couldn¡¯t quite understand. It seemed like she could see things he couldn¡¯t see, feel things he couldn¡¯t feel.
The pull of the pit was still too strong.
But then, something inside of her words sparked a glint of hope inside of him. Maybe it was the new point of view? Maybe a specific phrase or viewpoint? He didn¡¯t know.
And as Mouna asked him to raise his gaze from the dark pit below, and focus it on the scenery which he had overlooked instead, he was finally able to see what had remained hidden from him all this time.
He was able to see the lights blending into the scenery of the city.
He was able to see the beauty of the snow¡¯s dance, the wind¡¯s howl, the night¡¯s darkness.
He was finally able to feel the snow below, the moon high above, and everything in between.
The clouds had parted to reveal a horizon crowded with stars, an ocean of lights too far away to reach, but just close enough to view upon their beauty.
And together with the clouds in the skies, the clouds inside of his soul started to part as well.
Ekant pulled the hood off his head, the currents of weather now no longer numbed by him hiding from them, and took in what it meant to really be alive.
And he didn¡¯t even look back down the pit which had dominated his field of vision earlier.
Somehow, it had lost its charm.
The relief it had promised earlier had vanished.
Mouna, who had noticed Ekant finally lift his gaze, said, ¡°So you''re finally able to see this spot for real, huh?¡±
Ekant hesitated to find the words he wanted to say, but Mouna continued before he could form any sentence. ¡°Glad I¡¯ve been able to share this with you. Hope that helped you get your shit together a li¡¯l.¡±
She stepped back from the railing.
¡°It¡¯s getting late. I need to head home now,¡± she said. ¡°See ya.¡±
As Ekant realized the warmth of the female¡¯s grip had disappeared, he was afraid for a second.
Yet, even though the touch had faded and his wrist had gone cold again, the other emotions he had just felt remained.
And the dark cloud was still gone.
He spun around as he heard the sounds of shoes against snow slowly decreasing in volume. And as he saw Mouna walking off into the distance, he knew he couldn¡¯t just let her leave.
¡°Wait¡¡±
The sound of footsteps went silent.
¡°Can I uhm¡ have your number?¡±
¡°Finally,¡± she responded.
She turned around.
¡°Thought you¡¯d never ask...¡±
---
Part 3
Ekant pushed himself around a building¡¯s corner, dragged his hurting body out of the side-street he had just escaped from. One hand pressed against his stomach, which continued bleeding heavily. The fabric of his jacket was soaked in blood, the cloth drinking it like a hungry plant. His heart beat till his chest, pulsed in a fast pace. At least it let him know that he was still alive.
There should be pain right now ¨C he was certain of it ¨C but the shock and adrenaline still held it back.
He coughed up some blood. The snow underneath him was sprinkled with dots in crimson colour. His surroundings were covered in white loneliness, as if humanity had averted its eyes from the scene.
Ekant increased the pressure of his hand against the wound in an attempt to limit the blood loss, scratched his fingers with the other.
He couldn¡¯t die here. Not tonight. He had just regained hope... there had to be a way. His leaned his back against a tattered building¡¯s wall.
It should be more safe here. Safe enough to send a signal at least. An ambulance had to arrive as fast as possible if he wanted a chance of survival.
Ekant managed to fetch his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it with a shivering hand.
He somehow managed to press down the buttons, his fingers leaving red prints on the numbers nine and one. Then, his vision got blurry for a moment and he almost fell over.
Pictures flashed through his head. He saw Mouna¡¯s face... the view on top of the bridge... his coffee cup.
A silent fight played out over the course of a second. He won. His vision returned.
He managed to press down another button, added the GPS location, and hit send.
Ekant took a groaning breath, just barely holding onto his consciousness as he started to drag himself forward again. He needed to get out of this worn down side-street... out to somewhere they could find him.
And far more important: He needed to stay awake...
He took half a dozen dragged steps before he felt his body give in.
Ekant¡¯s phone fell and got caught by the blanket of snow below.
Another silent fight played out,
but this time he lost the battle.
And the snow caught him as well,
and enveloped him in its comforting grasp.
---
10 minutes earlier
Ekant had spent most of the time walking home calculating odds. He had calculated the odds of the events which had just occurred on this cold winter night. All of it seemed so unlikely in hindsight, almost as if he had had a little bit too much luck.
He had decided to take an unusual path which led through a rather gloomy side-street. It cut around 5 minutes off his trip home, which his cold hands gladly welcomed. He was now able to appreciate the weather much more, but he still wanted to be at home before his clothes were completely frozen. There was a lot of cleaning to be done at home¡ he hadn¡¯t taken care of himself or his flat in a good while.
Things were going to look brighter from now on, so he definitely needed to get rid of all the crap that had piled up in his home over the course of the last few months.
Too much luck? he thought. Perhaps I just ignored my luck in the past.
The dim glow of the street lamps ¨C the few that were working ¨C appeared to give the area an abandoned appearance. Most would perhaps describe this place as rather scary, but Ekant had used this abbreviation rather often in the past and ¨C for obvious reasons ¨C never met a single person.
And so it came that Ekant halted momentarily as a person came into his view and walked towards him from the direction he was currently heading. He looked the approaching person up and down real fast ¨C just long enough to not catch his or her attention ¨C then fixed his view back on to the scenery around. Ekant put his hands down in front of his pockets¡ just in case.
Probably just a fellow insomniac, but you never know, he thought.
He walked past the stranger... and¡
...nothing happened.
Then, right as his anxiety started to fade, he felt something grab his hood and forcefully pull him sideways. Ekant got slammed against a building¡¯s wall, the metallic blade of a rather short knife entering his line of view.
¡°Don¡¯t cha dare scream,¡± a rough, smoky voice exclaimed. ¡°Gimme your money!¡±
The hooded figure brought the knife closer to his face. Ekant stared at the blade for an uncomfortably long moment, unable to react in shock. But an odd detail caught his eye. He realized the hand of the man was lightly shaking, the knife being held in a rather unusual way.
¡°Spit it out if ya wanna keep breathin¡¯, cunt!¡± the person spat while holding Ekant¡¯s jacket with one hand, keeping the knife close to his face with the other. ¡°I don¡¯t have time.¡±
Ekant felt his body heat up, now sweating besides the coldness of his surroundings.
¡°Y¡ Yes of course.¡± he stuttered.
¡°Where¡¯s it? And don¡¯t ya dare move!¡±
¡°M-my left side pocket.¡±
The man let go of Ekant¡¯s jacket, opened the pocket with a shivering hand. He pulled out Ekant¡¯s rather worn down, black leather wallet, took a look inside. Ekant didn¡¯t even think about moving a single muscle, the knife still making it impossible to escape without the danger of being hurt.
Screw the money, he thought. Safety is the main priority. I have far more important things than money to lose now.
¡°Are ya kidding me, bastard? That¡¯s all ya have? Can¡¯t even buy myself a gram o¡¯ smack with that shit.¡±
The man backed off a bit, varied a little to the side with a delayed step. His eyes appeared to be darting around fast. Parts of a slim, sunken face could now be seen underneath the man¡¯s hood, the glow of a street-lamp shining some light on his pale, old appearance.
Ekant cleared his throat. ¡°Sorry. like I said, I don¡¯t have more than that.¡±
Ekant tried to back off a little, studied the movements of the man who was now shaking even more. His breath was visible in the air as he muttered things to himself.
¡°That¡¯s all, ya say?¡± he asked. The old man started to chuckle, then laugh. ¡°Well¡ then¡¡±
And he dashed forward, knife in hand.
The tip of the blade barely missed Ekant¡¯s face as he dodged to the side, his eyes now wide open.
The old man hit the wall with his knife, visibly unable to focus on his surroundings. He turned around with a swaying undertone in his movements, tried to follow up with a sideways swing.
Ekant reacted fast enough to pull his arms up as a defensive mechanism, the tip of the knife piercing through his jacket and leaving a slight cut inside of his left upper arm.
He took the opportunity, clenched his fist, and punched the man in the face. It hurt Ekant more than he expected. The force of the blow caused the hood to move backwards, uncovered the old man¡¯s face. The face carried a familiarly lifeless glance with an underlying hint of sorrow as the old man stumbled backwards holding his nose while grunting.
Ekant took the opportunity, spun around as fast as the snow allowed it. This was his chance.
Sadly, the old man managed to get a hold onto Ekant¡¯s leg and brought him to fall. Ekant¡¯s face tasted the cold snow. He kicked backwards with his other leg, hit something as the hand let go of him. The grip hadn¡¯t been strong.
He spun around, managed to regain his footing. He immediately wiped the snow out of his face to regain his sight. But as he wiped the snow away, right before he could see clear again, something sharp and cold pierced through his clothing and embedded itself inside of his stomach.
He felt cold, then hot.
Silence echoed through the street.
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His view cleared. The face in front of him was clearly visible now: The old man¡¯s dark, sunken eyes were locked forward like a deer in headlights. Tears streamed down his shrivelled cheeks, got caught by his unkept beard. He was still shaking, but Ekant was now sure that it wasn¡¯t from being cold.
The man appeared to be more scared than him, and for a moment, it felt like looking into a mirror.
His eyes...
They look¡ helpless.
For a flash of a second, Ekant remembered what Mouna had said to him earlier: ¡®The eyes are the key to a person¡¯s soul.¡¯
And Ekant managed to raise his voice, breaking the silence of the night, ¡°You look... scared.¡±
The man shook his head in disbelief. He stumbled backwards, pulled the knife out of Ekant¡¯s stomach while doing so. The knife fell into the snow. The man turned his hands, viewed upon bloody palms, then started muttering to himself more loudly than before, stuttering comprehensibly.
His and Ekant¡¯s eyes met.
¡°I¡ I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said, his voice now broken and weak.
Then, he ran away into the dark night, leaving Ekant behind.
Ekant put his left hand on the wound, tried to stop the bleeding somehow. He spotted the blood sprinkled snow underneath him, decided that he had to get moving before it was too late.
As he started stumbling forward, a thought circled in his head:
Why did I want to help him?
Is this the way she felt as she looked into my eyes back then?
He managed to move forward with dragged steps. Heavy clouds of deep icy breath formed in front of his face, but his skin felt like it was boiling. Blood ran through his fingertips, left more sprinkles of crimson colour in the snowy blanket underneath.
As he kept pushing forward, and the end of the side-street got closer and closer, more thoughts started to pop up, repeat themselves as panic started arising:
How long will the adrenaline keep the pain away?
How long can I survive with this amount of blood loss?
Am I going to die?
He shook his head, tried pushing the thoughts as far away as he possibly could. Everything that counted now was a clear head and acting fast.
There were things to lose now, and he knew he was close to losing.
But he didn¡¯t feel like losing. Things had changed. He wanted, no, needed to stay alive. There were things to fight for... to suffer for even.
And so he took one more step, and then another, and another.
¡°I¡ can¡¯t die now. Not tonight...¡±
And Ekant wavered alongside the wall of the side-street, step after step. He managed to pull himself around the final building¡¯s corner, out of the side-street.
¡°I wont die tonight.¡±
---
Snowflakes danced down the emptied streets. Old, gloomy lamps cast a yellowish light upon the scenery. Comforting coldness embedded itself onto the scene. Small dancing crystals of ice put a soft blanket of snow on the otherwise so hard concrete street. The stars were hidden between snowflakes, somewhere high up in the grey winter sky, their grasp far out of reach. The moon barely cast its soft ambiance between the snow¡¯s dance, resting on the dark horizon like an ancient presence.
Ekant felt another snowflake hit the bony palm of his hand, the coldness it carried soon overwritten by the hot pulsing present through his entire body. Another snowflake flew by, close to his unmoving face, and added itself into the red puddle of blood-soaked snow which had formed around his limb body. His back rested upon the snowy ground as he could feel his view slowly glide out of consciousness.
Now the time had come¡
...His time to be one with the crimson snow.
As his surroundings started to get increasingly blurry, Ekant¡¯s mind started dancing across events and memories, his past flashing by in what felt like a glimpse of a moment. There were some of the most big and important moments of his life, and, more frequently, tiny ones, which had seemed so insignificant in the past. Even though they had been so small before, their presence was now bigger than everything else.
He saw his childhood. He saw sleepovers, birthdays, funerals. There were the slow nights at late shift as well as the fast ones partying out with friends. Everything was shown equally, nothing seemed hidden or locked away.
The heavy pulsing and horrible pain which had spread through Ekant¡¯s entire body after the shock had disappeared was now fading away slowly, as if a burden was lifted off his chest by a force out of his control. The only thing which still clung to him was the coldness, which had replaced the hot feeling from earlier.
It was as if nature called for him. Like it told him to give in.
Then, the pictures of his further past faded and were replaced by newer ones. Repeated patterns, behaviours and views. The same room, the same ceiling, the same eyes, over and over and over again.
Had he really lived his life like this? For how long? It all seemed so dumb and obvious to avoid now, but he also knew that his behaviour had rooted in some deeper underlying pain.
Maybe, if he wouldn¡¯t have lied to himself all this time¡ if he would have moved on earlier...
Then, the entire night flashed through his mind. At the end, all that remained was the face of the old man. His gaze¡ the sorrow it had emitted.
His eyes. Maybe, if someone would have helped him earlier, he wouldn¡¯t have ended up like that.
Ekant tried to focus, fought the forces of nature to get back some of his consciousness. He couldn¡¯t move, but he managed to at least regain his sight.
Now, if I die here, at least let me see what kept hidden from myself all this time.
The sky above his head had cleared up a little, just enough to reveal the star sprinkled sky through the dance of snowflakes. Ekant viewed upon the horizon as his lips managed a weak smile.
The beauty which had remained hidden for so long was now so easy to access. All it had taken was a change of perspective.
Ekant felt his body slowly getting more and more covered by the dancing snowflakes. But the coldness faded, and all that remained was the warmth. It wasn¡¯t a painful and hot sensation like before, but rather pleasant and calming. It was the warmth that Mouna had brought to him earlier and had sparked a new flame inside his soul. And so it came that he was able to form one final realization before his mind drifted away.
He finally felt happy...
And as the dance of the white snowflakes turned into the dance of crimson snow,
Ekant¡¯s view started to fade once more.
And as he became one with the crimson snow,
he had found out what it really meant to be alive.
And right before he fully faded out of consciousness,
piercing through the cold winter night,
the sound of a siren echoed through the air.
---
A few days later
¡°Hello? I think he is regaining his consciousness,¡± a male voice said.
¡°Mister? Can you hear us?¡± a female one added.
As he opened his eyes, a bright light flashed in front of Ekant. His sight returned slowly as his pupils adjusted to the sudden change of brightness.
He stared at a white and sterile ceiling, two even whiter square shaped lamps reminding him of the snow he remembered seeing not too long ago. Ekant appeared to be laying down. Two people ¨C a male and a female ¨C stood in front of the hospital bed he was laying inside of.
Hospital¡? Doctor? He thought.
¡°Hello mister Ekant. Don¡¯t worry, you¡¯re in safe hands. You lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stabilize your condition,¡± the male doctor said. ¡°You will survive.¡±
Ekant turned his head downwards, saw the bandage wrapped around his stomach area. A transparent tube was attached to his right arm, red fluid ¨C which was coming out of a bag suspended next to the bed ¨C flowing through it.
The nurse looked at a clipboard, scribbled some words down onto the paper. After she was done with scribbling, she said, ¡°You reacted well with the fast help signal back then. A couple of minutes later and we would have found you dead.¡±
¡°Talking about snow¡¡± the doctor said. ¡°The reddened snow was more or less the only thing which made you visible to the first aid team. You were quite lucky and unlucky at the same time as it seems.¡±
Ekant was at a loss of words. He stared at the two figures in front of him, slowly realizing that he was, in fact, still alive.
¡°It¡¯s alright, take your time. You might need a couple days of rest. After that, you will be allowed to leave,¡± the doctor said. ¡°Anyways, I need to check on other patients now. If there¡¯s anything I can do for you, just press the red button on your nightstand.¡± The doctor walked towards the white door, opened it, then stopped.
¡°Oh, one more thing. As we pulled your unconscious body out of the reddened snow, you appeared to be smiling. Been a while since I saw something like that.¡± The doctor then left the room and shut the door behind him.
Ekant scratched his forehead, looked at the nurse which had just finished scribbling down more notes.
¡°Don¡¯t worry, we already got the necessary infos from your ID, so I don¡¯t need to bore you with generic questions.¡± Her lips carried a soft smile. An honest one.
Seems as if she likes her job, he thought.
Finally, Ekant returned, ¡°Thanks¡ for saving me.¡±
¡°No problem. After all, that¡¯s our job, right?¡± She laughed.
¡°Yea¡¡± He couldn¡¯t help it but chuckle. ¡°Right.¡±
¡°I gotta leave as well now. Your phone¡¯s on the nightstand. You should probably tell your family that you¡¯re fine.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t have that much family left, to be honest.¡±
¡°Then someone important to you,¡± she said. ¡°Anyways, get well soon.¡±
The nurse took a last look at her notes, scribbled down something, then left the room as well.
Ekant leaned back, just stared at the ceiling for a moment. He would need some more time to fully unwrap what exactly had happened last night. But through the confusion and relief he felt, through the wondering and storm of thoughts, one emotion clearly stood out.
A feeling which still hadn¡¯t left him, even after being so close to death:
The feeling of warmth which had been given to him yesterday night.
And he turned over to look at the nightstand.
Someone important, huh?
And he picked up the phone.
-----