《Godfall》


 Arc 1: Ghosts, Chapter 1: Haunting

    She couldn¡¯t remember her name. She felt sure she had one, once. It hovered just at the edge of her mind, tantalizing, but out of reach. The sound of it, the feel of it eluded her. She could almost taste it on her tongue when she tried to speak it out loud. But the emptiness hurt too acutely if she spent too much time trying, so she mostly tried not to think about it.


    It seemed much like the city she wandered, indecipherable. She had no memory of anything different, but felt quite certain that at some point she had seen the city before its current ruined state. And it was ruined, clearly the site of some massive cataclysmic disaster. Metal beams poked out from broken skyscrapers, crushed glass at their base, concrete walkways crushed under some giant pressure, revealing the innards of the city beneath. Everything was in disarray and crumbling, roads littered with abandoned vehicles broken apart by massive trees, vines crawling up whorled trunks, warped metal in their embrace. Despite the damage the city was still incredibly beautiful, with its graceful arching glass spires towering high above, glittering.


    Clearly it had been decades, perhaps even centuries since the destruction given the amount of vegetative growth. Bright birds fluttered through the canopy overhead, small rodents and jewel-like insects skittered about along undergrowth roots and stone alike, the small hum of life alight in the hazy morning air.


    She could see in her mind¡¯s eye what it might have looked like, apparitions of cars thrumming and fluorescent lights along walkways, and the people, so, so many people. People walking, laughing, calling to one another in a loud cacophony of vitality. Occasionally she found herself turning, about to say something to someone over her shoulder, before whatever fleeting memory slipped away again.


    She passed through a knot of vines so thick it would be impossible to navigate around for a corporeal being, the sensation of their tangled shapes a viscid sensation through her ghostly form. She wondered why there weren''t more human ghosts. It seemed improbable that she would be the only one when there had clearly been so many people, once. There were smatterings of animal and plant ghosts, apparitional deer bounding gracefully, spectral flowers blooming, phantoms of fish floating in the air as if it were water.


    Maybe all the others were at peace? She felt like she had heard that somewhere, that ghosts were only those beings that had unfinished business in the world. Something about strong lingering emotion leaving an imprint, but she couldn¡¯t quite come up with what her strong emotion might be.


    She wondered if perhaps there was some purpose she could have had in staying, some essential unfinished business keeping her here, and if that meant she should make more of an effort to remember. The negative thoughts never stayed for too long, there was too much to see, to explore. Distractions, really. But she had time. She could always try to remember later.


    It had taken her a while to fully manifest. She had spent so very long, stuck both mentally and physically. Her mind had been a slow sludge of thought, each moment of consciousness a herculean effort. She had eventually fought free, slowly yanking herself into existence, tearing her spectral body free from the bones she had apparently been adhered to, growing, like some sort of polyp. She had taken to visiting the site of her ghost birth frequently, checking to see if another ghost would come out too. So far none had, but they might, in the future.


    Since then she had enjoyed traveling the city, delighting in the ability to see and experience new things, the novelty of mobility. She had found plenty of places exciting to explore, though only a few she made an effort to repeatedly visit. A particularly beautiful white oak tree with a small family of raccoons, what had once been a flower shop now bursting with living bouquets, a preserved bus still with people¡¯s bags left aboard for her to examine like an anthropologist, searching for meaning in civilizations past.


    There wasn¡¯t much else to do, besides explore, but she enjoyed it, too curious about the place that must have been her home once. She hoped, passively, that her path might bring her past some place that would trigger a memory, something that would bring back the flood of recollections that she was sure was just waiting, locked away in her mind.


    She stopped to admire a church, small but majestic, with massive stained glass windows that had somehow been spared somewhat from the destruction, missing only a handful of panels, the lead they had been set in still in place holding the shape up tenaciously. The image depicted a massive dark bird in flight, its wings spread wide touching both sides of its frame, surrounded by a smaller choir of birds flocking around it. Sunlight filtered in through the glass, throwing colorful mosaics across the dilapidated wooden floor from where it passed through the birds¡¯ feathered wings.


    She sat in the mostly rotten, mossy pews, fragile flowers just beginning to bloom timidly at her feet, enjoying the morning light. She would head back soon, to the massive bird skull she had made her home in the downtown, but for now she was content to bask in the brilliantly colored light.


    There was a sudden muffled clamor from behind what was left of the pulpit. Something dark and shadowy emerged, bounding over to her before she could get a clear view of what it was.


    A black cat plopped down in front of her. One eye swirled milkily as it looked up at her. It meowed loudly, echoing in the empty hall, before winding its way around her legs, with some difficulty, passing through them slightly, but the overall gesture was conveyed.


    ¡®Hello there,¡¯ she crouched down, attempting to pet the cat as it seemed to be requesting. ¡®I¡¯ve never seen you around before.¡¯ She hadn¡¯t seen anyone here before. But that was a bit besides the point. It leaned up into her stroke, interlacing somewhat into her hand. It tickled. He meowed again, plaintive, perhaps discomforted by the sensation.


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    After a couple strokes, he trotted off, out of the church, pausing in the doorway to look back at her. ¡®Should I follow you?¡¯ She asked him. He blinked. She took it as an affirmative. It was comforting to have a companion, and she was rather lacking in that area.


    She had taken on animal companions before. Well, that was a little generous, she had followed animals before in an attempt to cultivate companionship, but they mostly ignored her. She had previously a little speckled bird that she had followed for a whole day before she lost sight of it. She had gone back to the same location for several days afterwards, hoping it would come back. It had such a pretty song. And outside her bone home there was a pale striped green lizard that allowed her to bask next to him on occasion. So, even if it only ended up being a short while, it was nice to be acknowledged.


    She followed him for a long time, past the skyscrapers of downtown, following the elevated railway that bisected the city for a short while before veering off down what appeared a more upscale neighborhood, what likely used to be magnificent gardens now a wealth of blossom and foliage, while the homes they corralled crumbled within their embrace like mournful lovers.


    He paused at the entrance gate to one such house, perhaps a bit more grand than the rest, looking back again to make sure she was still following. The house seemed to be the site of some sort of explosion in the back, but the front was still so grandiose it distracted from the back almost entirely. She caught up to him just as he was entering the gapping double doors, walking between the once imposing marble pillars, now with moss creeping up in the cracks. He looked up at her, head tilted, before continuing inside.


    They entered the dwelling, her a half-step behind. He passed a grandiose set of stairs, down a hallway with large beautiful windows, now crawling with morning glory and datura, and into a glass room filled with plants. It smelled overwhelmingly of flowers; oleander, brugmansia and azaleas. Fragrant herbs sprung up at her feet. She followed the pathway, leading to a spindly table and chairs set in the center. The cat hopped on top and aggressively began cleaning between his toe pads, gnawing at the fur there which seemed to have collected some sort of spiny seed pods, while she walked around breathing deeply through her nose and enjoying the lush greenery.


    Who had lived here, she wondered. Someone who clearly loved exotic plants, the sheer variety surpassed what she had seen so far in the city. Though was that one bodega that had previously homed an extensive fruit stand which now sprouted her favorite array of fresh fruit. But that was still nothing compared to this. One wall was devoted entirely to orchids with other similarly elaborate flowers blooming, some even appearing to have teeth or other carnivorous features. Every color of green was present, deep husky forest greens to pale subtle pastels and every vibrant shade in the spectrum, flowers of color bursting between them.


    ¡®Why did you bring me here, I wonder,¡¯ she mused as she walked around the circular glass house. ¡®Does this place mean something to you?¡¯ She directed her questions loosely to the cat, uncaring at the lack of answers. There were too many unanswered questions already in this mysterious city, what were a few more.


    The last light of the day glittered through the glass, and she turned to head back. It was beautiful, but she longed for the familiar, and as of yet, only the giant bird skull she had made her home aroused some sense of familiarity. The black cat trailed her back quietly, to her delight. Maybe this companion would last. Maybe he wouldn¡¯t leave her too.


    Her bird skull home was roomy, the beast must have been massive. The rest of the skeleton was strewn across the city, buildings crushed beneath it indiscriminately. She had decorated her space in its cranium with beautiful blooming plants and various trinkets she had collected from the rubble. She had several pretty stones, some sort of twisting musical instrument that made a low mournful humming sound when she blew into it, colored wiring that had drawn her eye now braided and woven into draping vines hung with lanterns she had made from patterned paper, and a small stuffed animal doll she had found miraculously intact, only missing a single button eye, string trailing from the socket where she had failed at trying to resew it, her bone sliver needle too dull to complete the task.


    The bone between the brain case and the orbits had deteriorated, allowing her a beautiful view across the city to the beach, and if she squinted, the far shore across the water was just visible on a clear day. She had draped some gauzy fabric across the cavity, allowing soft red light to filter in when closed, and lighting up her ghostly form a pretty pastel pink in the mornings. Ash from some long gone tragedy had precipitated into the cavities and fissures in the bone, opalizing and keeping out any rain from above. Not that it caused any sort of damage to her person, it was just uncomfortable. Sharp and cold, the rain drops passed through her form leaving a lingering pierced feeling behind. Unpleasant.


    She woke with the first light of morning, warm red sun beams streaming across her face. She stretched from her soft messy bedding nest. She had a niggling feeling that it shouldn¡¯t be necessary for ghosts to sleep, but regardless, she enjoyed it, and the occasional dreams she had. Dreams of seeing the city above, soaring over it, like a bird. She loved her dreams, in them she wasn¡¯t alone, the city full and bustling with life.


    The cat uncurled from his position at her feet with a yawn. ¡®You''re going to show me something new again today?¡¯ She asked him fondly. He looked at her primly for a moment before turning his back and curling up in the warm spot she had left in her bedding with a soft dismissive snort, tail flicking out to wrap around his face.


    She laughed and opened the curtain, admiring the view contentedly. It seemed like a good day to climb up and see the city from above. She picked up some berries she had collected, she couldn¡¯t quite taste them, but holding them in her hands felt almost sweet, and she liked the slightly drunken feeling she got from them as they aged and fermented. ¡®I¡¯m going to climb, I¡¯ll be back maybe midday, maybe later.¡¯ She told the sleeping cat. He continued to ignore her in response. She set out.


    They had developed a sort of cadence, where she would explore during the day and he would find her to bring her home in the evening, often through a circumvent path she would have not taken of her own volition. It was nice. Having someone to walk with. Someone waiting for her at home.


    She circled to the back of the skull, where it connected with the spine. She had done this walk many times, but it was always a little precarious. The porous material of the bones had opalized and the surface became more compact and slick. Luckily nature had interceeded, and many vines and other vegetation had crawled up from below, interlacing with the bone and giving her more secure footing. She jumped the sections of missing vertebrate, occasionally climbing the building debris that had been taken down with the bird¡¯s fall.


    She eventually came to the bird¡¯s ribs, spire-like structures twisting up towards the sky. Over many visits she had made notches in the bone with a small sharp stone, creating foot and hand holds so she could ascend. The wind picked up as she got higher, whipping her ghostly hair across her face and shoulders.


    She made it to the top, where the curve of the rib became parallel to the ground below, making a flat space for her to perch. She had built a hammock up here while back. She had tried sleeping in it, but being up here at night tended to make her feel too lonely. The still emptiness of the city, devoid of all human activity seemed even more potent at night. Only one out of place ghost left to remember what might once have been.


    She loved coming here during the day though. Being high up above the buildings, looking across the city to the shimmering sea.


    In the distance, something glittered, approaching on the winds.

 Arc1, Chapter 2: Epithet

    She peered across the city, what was at first a twinkle on the horizon now a bright star racing towards her on the breezes of the shore. As it came closer it began to take a clearer human shaped form. A girl with thick white curls that whipped around her head in the wind, flying on some sort of hovering bike. The girl seemed to catch a glimpse of her figure, high above the street as she was, and with a shout and a wave of greeting steered in her direction, ducking out of sight for a moment as she traversed the streets below. Clearly the bike couldn¡¯t quite handle anything too high off the ground.


    She was overwhelmed. A human. Here. After so long. It felt like her body was going into shock, everything seemed to slow down around her, yet be happening so fast she couldn¡¯t keep up. And the human kept getting closer, skirting around broken cars and trees. She wasn¡¯t ready. She had thought about humans plenty, wondered where they had all gone, what it would be like for the city to be full again. But she hadn¡¯t really planned what she would do if one showed up.


    "Hey!" The girl shouted up from where the bones met the earth, her voice getting mostly lost to the winds. She seemed to realize this and propped her bike up on the base of the bone, before scaling the hard surface using the notched footholds.


    Her mind catching up, she went to return the greeting, before realizing the moment had passed. The girl shimmied across the bone, not confident using her prosthetic leg across the bone¡¯s smooth surface, lifting her strapped sunglasses to reveal brilliant violet eyes fanned in a thick layer of milk white lashes. "Hey!" She repeated "I¡¯m Ceit! It''s so great to meet you, I haven¡¯t seen anyone for weeks! It was already so great to be in a city again, I¡¯ve been traveling in the woods for just ages and was really looking forward to sleeping on a mattress and saw this city, and just thought wow, Oongx is really looking out for me, but then I saw there was no one around and I was a little sad because I haven¡¯t really had anyone to talk to for a while besides Oongx and she doesn''t really talk back most of the time¡­Anyway, sorry, just I haven¡¯t seen anyone for a really long time. What¡¯s your name?" Ceit stopped abruptly, looking expectant. She seemed to say all of this without a breath between, even more impressive given what a strenuous climb she had just taken. She waved her hands airly as she talked, gesturing to indicate the expanse around them when referencing the city, and above when she talked about Oongx.


    ¡®I¡­I don¡¯t have a name.¡¯ She fidgeted anxiously, both at the proximity and at the line of conversation. It wasn¡¯t that the girl, Ceit, was sitting too close, just that her existence was too close, that having another human be so close to her was completely beyond her expectations and she still couldn¡¯t catch up that something so inconceivable had just happened. It was like she had just manifested, out of thin air. There had been no Ceit, and then, bam. Ceit. She existed, she was loud and bright and here.


    ¡®What!? You don¡¯t have a name!? You¡¯ve never had someone to call you? But you know how to speak, so there must have been someone right?¡¯ Her hands waved even harder at the pronouncement. Beads jangling in her hair, a lone white curl escaping the band holding her hair back from her face before she brushed it futility behind her ear, the wind refusing to cooperate and immediately releasing it again.


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    ¡®No no! I just mean, I did have one, I just can¡¯t remember anymore.¡¯ She was adjusting to the presence of the other girl, and now that she wasn¡¯t disappearing, wasn¡¯t a wishful manifestation of her fantasies, her excitement was kicking in. Here was another human, and a girl! Like her! Well, mostly. She was still a ghost, but she was fairly sure she was getting more opaque as time went on. And if a human could appear, maybe her form would someday condense and she would become a whole girl. Anything seemed possible.


    ¡®Oh! I¡¯m so sorry, and I mean, that¡¯s totally ok that you don¡¯t have a name, I mean, I¡¯m sorry you can¡¯t remember, that really sucks, just, just, I didn¡¯t mean to be so surprised when you said that, it¡¯s not like I haven¡¯t met anyone without a name before you know? But um, how would you like me to call you? You know, if I have to ask you something, I don¡¯t really want to yell ¡®Hey you!¡¯ Unless, you know, that¡¯s what you want me to say?¡¯ Ceit shifted a little, seemingly unbothered by the harsh sound from her leg shifting against the bone. But then, little seemed to bother her, she hadn¡¯t even acknowledged she was talking to a ghost. But maybe someone who had met other people with no name had met others with no form too. Or maybe even others without either.


    ¡®I, I¡¯m not sure. Well, I¡¯d like to have a name, it just feels a bit wrong, to pick a new one. Feels a bit like I¡¯m giving up on trying to find my real one.¡¯ She hadn¡¯t realized it, but now that she was putting it into words she could hear how true it was. She had been afraid of change, just as much if not more strongly than she had craved it. Afraid of what change might bring, if it would be more painful than the loneliness of her current life, of disturbing the balance her life currently occupied. She had been happy with the way her life was, lonely, but happy.


    ¡®That makes sense, but having one name doesn¡¯t mean you can¡¯t have another too. Lots of people have more than one name! I have five! Technically. But no one uses them except my grandmother, and great aunts, and the older Oongx acolytes anyway,¡¯ she ticked away the people on her fingers. Apparently it was a longer list than she had expected. ¡®And it¡¯ll be super special if you get to give one to yourself, like it can be an expression of your love for yourself! Maybe you think of something you like? If I were picking a name, hmmm, I might choose one of the stars in Oongx¡¯s constellations, or maybe like, Iris or Lavender, for flowers I like. My name, Ceit, means eight, for the number child I am in this generation,¡¯ she made a face, ¡®it¡¯s not the most imaginative of names, I think my parents ran out of ideas after my sister.¡¯ She giggled conspiratorially.


    ¡®Something I like¡­hm¡­¡¯ She hadn¡¯t spent as much time thinking about her likes as she had on her main dislike - loneliness. But given her recent revelation on change, perhaps she had a more complicated relationship with loneliness as well. She had spent her entire existence, for as long as she could remember, being alone. Alone with the ruins and the trees and the small skittering beings that made them their home.


    Alone. Even if it wasn¡¯t something she liked, it was something familiar to her, and it had shaped her, defined her entire existential experience. There was nothing defining her reality besides her isolation in it. The only soul left in a broken city, out of place amongst the dead memories and in the wrong time. Alone. Alene. That sounded alright.


    ¡®I think I could like being Alene.¡¯


    ¡®That¡¯s beautiful!¡¯ Ceit laughed, unaware of the epiphany Alene had just experienced, her hands clapping together. ¡®And it¡¯s so exciting to be the first one to hear your new name! Now we¡¯re friends.¡¯ She said the last bit happily, with mock solemnity.


    Alene laughed in delight, feeling her heart lighten with the new joy of laughing along with someone else.

 Arc1, Chapter 3: Synchronicity

    Ceit had seen so much. And Alene loved listening to her, she said everything with so much raw happiness it warmed her just being next to her, she was a moth to Ceit¡¯s light. This is what she had wanted when she thought of being around humans again, this feeling of companionship.


    Ceit was an acolyte of Oongx the cow goddess, a golden calf god that required her chosen few to show their dedication by following her constellation in the sky, never letting it out of sight. ¡®And when she¡¯s acknowledged my dedication I¡¯ll join her in the stars, in her mantle,¡¯ She explained. ¡®There have only been twelve that have pursued the following since her godhood initiation, and I¡¯ll be the first to join her in seven generations! And the youngest to join her ever! Assuming she acknowledges me in the next decade.¡¯ Ceit said looking sideways, her cheeky grin revealing a cute dimple. Alene was unfamiliar with the concept of godhood. She knew roughly what religion was, having been to a church before and seen their murals, assuming they worshiped some sort of bird or birds. But it had seemed so distant, an intangible distant thing that didn¡¯t have much effect on the living. Ceit spoke as if she had personally met her god, as if she were a living breathing thing, a being close at hand.


    ¡®The last one to join her was Fergus, and she was almost eighty when Oongx accepted her, and that was after 45 years answering the following. But I¡¯m optimistic. I¡¯ve only been traveling for three years, but Oongx personally asked me to come to her, and she¡¯s never done that before!¡¯ Ceit turned to her, beaming proudly at her, sunset glinting blindingly across her visor.


    They were making steady progress back to Alene¡¯s home, the bike took some maneuvering given how wide it was with all of Ceit¡¯s travel gear tucked away in bulging saddle bags. Ceit gasped when the skull came into view, ¡®A giant bird! Oh, I was wondering what sort of animal this was, or well, if not a bird it at least had the beak of one. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve ever seen a bird or even a creature as big as this before. And I¡¯ve seen some pretty big animals. I suppose it could be one the body of some deceased god, but they don¡¯t really die easily.¡¯


    ¡®I hadn¡¯t really thought about what it was. Well, except as a home. It has a perfect view of the beach at sunrise, you¡¯re going to love it.¡¯ Alene was discovering there were quite a lot of things she hadn¡¯t given too much thought to. Or perhaps Ceit was just the sort of person who had too many thoughts, which seemed like the sort of thing someone who traveled alone might be predisposed towards. Ceit carefully tucked her bike away underneath the skull, pulling a tarp out to cover it and tucking in the corners after unbuckling her bags.


    They had gotten a small fire going in Alene¡¯s modest fire pit, the smoke drifting lazily out of the skull¡¯s eye sockets. Alene prodded at the branches contentedly, listening to Ceit mumble to herself as she sorted through the saddle bags she had brought up, trying to find her star chart.


    She had been telling Alene about the constellations she¡¯d encountered on her journeys. ¡®There is this one constellation, we know her as Sabea the star maiden at home, but I came to this city once where most of its stars were known as the strawberry tiger Izar, and they had a whole festival to honor him, for some sort of important historic event I think, it didn¡¯t seem like he was a whole god. Anyway, I happened to be there when it was going on, so he projected down from the heavens at the climax, but I could see where his heart was joined with Sabea¡¯s! I really love tracking the differences between constellations and myths between cultures, sometimes they¡¯re the same, but sometimes they¡¯re really really different!¡¯


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    With a shout of triumph, she held a thick book up. ¡®It¡¯s my family atlas, I¡¯ll give it back when Oongx calls me, but for now it¡¯s mine.¡¯ She cradled the heavy tome in her arms. ¡®Even if I didn¡¯t need it, I still would really like having it. It''s like my whole family is supporting me.¡¯ She smiled, a slightly forlorn smile Alene had seen reflected in her own face. ¡®What is your family like?¡¯ Alene asked. Ceit perked up, her smile turning lively again. ¡®There are soooo many of them. I have my grandparents and my great aunts and one great uncle Allegre but my great aunty Keris is my family head. And then I have my parents and my aunts and uncles and cousins. And I have my older sister Luth and her wife and my baby brother! They were all so proud of me when I told them I had been called.¡¯ Alene wondered if she had ever had any family, someone that would miss her when she wasn¡¯t around. Someone who was her person. She missed them, that nameless, faceless person.


    The thick golden leather of the front of the atlas was stitched to hold glass fragments in starry patterns, glittering in the firelight, its gold dipped page edges a subtle lustor. Ceit cracked it open, the crease opening it directly to a page with a large sphere, filled with tiny dots and lines, annotations in beautiful flowing script. Around the sphere were dates, breaking the year up into sections by moon phases. The top disk of a planisphere fluttered free from between the pages, a large oval hole in its center. Ceit bent to pick it up and carefully pressed it back between the pages before handing it to Alene. She left Alene to carefully flip through its pages while she set up her bedding, a more organized arrangement than Alene¡¯s own messy nest. She could tell which were Ceit¡¯s additions, the ink a less aged black. ¡®Do you have a favorite constellation?¡¯ Alene asked, looking up from her perusal. Ceit sat back on her heels, thinking.


    ¡®Well, if I had to pick one besides Oongx, I might pick Xi, the cloven horse. My cousin Xia is named after her, and though I don¡¯t tell him because it will go to his stupid head, he is kind of my favorite cousin. Xi¡¯s story is pretty cool too. She was the daughter born of the sunbeam''s first contact with the oceans¡¯ waves. She¡¯s the first horse, and all other horses are her descendants, though none are as fast as she is. You never actually see her, just see the prints of her hooves after she¡¯s passed. That¡¯s why my aunt and uncle named my cousin Xia, because they could hear him move in another room but when they¡¯d get there he would be gone, leaving only a mess behind him.¡¯ She pointed out the skull¡¯s eye socket as she spoke, tracing Xi¡¯s constellation in the sky with her finger.


    Alene found the corresponding page in Ceit¡¯s atlas, tracing the lines connecting the stars, their formal names written in miniscule text that she could only just make out. The star Eocene forming the cleft in her front foot, reaching out in front of her, and Enif at her muzzle. On the facing page was an elegant drawing of Xi, a thick mane streaming behind her in the wind, looking at the reader with a mouth full of fangs. ¡®Why does she have fangs?¡¯ Alene asked, she didn¡¯t recall that being a normal characteristic of horses. Ceit shrugged, ¡®maybe she ate meat?¡¯ Alene laughed. ¡®Speaking of, I don¡¯t have a lot of food around, just some berries, are you going to be alright for dinner?¡¯ ¡®What a coincidence, I happen to love berries!¡¯


    The fire had mostly burned out by the time Novem returned. He seemed very disgruntled by the disruption to their schedule, refusing to make eye contact with Alene when she called to him and heading directly to her bed and curling up there with his back facing the girls. ¡®That¡¯s your cat?¡¯ ¡®I wouldn¡¯t exactly call him mine, but he¡¯s been my companion for a while now, he sort of comes and goes. He usually comes to fetch me at the end of the day, I think he¡¯s a little grumpy that I didn¡¯t wait for him tonight.¡¯ She giggled, ¡®he¡¯s such a baby.¡¯ The cat lifted his head to look over at them with a surely expression. ¡®He¡¯s awfully astute for a cat¡¯ Ceit observed. ¡®I don¡¯t think they usually understand you like that.¡¯ ¡®Yeah, he¡¯s pretty smart,¡¯ Alene said fondly. Ceit just hummed thoughtfully. ¡®He¡¯s really good at finding interesting things in the city, hopefully he¡¯ll be willing to lead us around tomorrow, if you want to explore?¡¯ ¡®I¡¯d love to see more of the city!¡¯ Ceit exclaimed excitedly. ¡®I have a couple days before I should continue on.¡¯ Alene felt a little pang at the reminder that Ceit would only be around briefly. Even after just a few hours, she was already becoming accustomed to having another presence fill the space with her. She resolved with some resignation to enjoy every bit.

 Arc1, Chapter 4: Life in the city

    The next morning found them rising to the light salty breeze drifting in from the sea through the gossamer red curtain Alene had pulled back over the skull orifices the night before after their fire had burned out. She didn¡¯t necessarily get cold, but she loved the rosy light that shone through the fabric in the morning, shrouding everything in the skull with a soft pink hue, almost womb-like, as if each morning was a new birth. Ceit was still a lump in her bedding, breathing a soothing cadence, reasonably exhausted from her travels yesterday, but Alene woke up early, excited at the prospect of showing her first human friend her home. She wasn¡¯t entirely sure what the proper custom was for a new friendship, but her cat had brought her gifts, brightly colored snail shells and live lizards, so she decided that seemed a good place to start. She quietly slipped out to gather some edibles for Ceit, finding some more berries, as well as some mushrooms, greens, and nuts. She decided to stir fry them, using the cast iron pan Ceit had revealed, showing her how to use the new device with enthusiasm the night before, when she had turned the berries Alene had given her into a sauce for the gammy monkey she had shot down earlier that day, to the dutifully impressed and newly named Alene, proudly demonstrating her hunting prowess with the small crossbow, the unfletched bolts flying true to mark.


    Ceit was still asleep when she returned, sprawled messily under her blanket, her white eyelashes blush colored in the morning light stretching across her face, just beginning to flutter as she stirred with Alene¡¯s return. She sat up and stretched with a huge yawn, her curls a messy mass on her head, obscuring her face completely, dandelion-like. ¡®Mmm, what are you making, it smells sooo good.¡¯ She mumbled, her voice still raspy with sleep, a smile creeping across her face, dimpling her cheeks.


    ¡®I found some wild arugula and dandelion leaves, and some wild barley we can make for dinner.¡¯ Alene responded, attentive to the hot pan. ¡®You¡¯re awfully good at cooking for someone who doesn¡¯t eat.¡¯ Ceit teased, appreciative, as she came over to look into the pan. ¡®I can sort of feel how it tastes if I hold it, kind of like how you smell food but don¡¯t get the full flavor unless you eat. But mostly it¡¯s just nice to cook for someone.¡¯ The wooden spoon paused in her hand as she tried to explain the strange synesthetic sensation that was tasting through touch. She had some memory of taste, she realized, some sense of what she was missing. She tried to hold onto the thought, what exactly it was that she remembered eating that had left such an impression, but the memory faded before she could grasp its shape. She returned to the pan, tempering down the faint tempered frustration. If the memory arose once, it could happen again. Hopefully. And in the meantime she was pleased that Ceit was so impressed with her cooking skills, she blushed happily, turning bashfully to hide it from Ceit.


    Alene¡¯s cat friend had deigned to allow the two to follow him on an excursion in the city, huffing as he led them from the skull, leading them to a swampy area he had never brought Alene to before. It seemed like during its height, the city wasn¡¯t all benevolent prosperity. Drums of toxic refuse littered the swamp, half submerged and oozing.


    Alene wondered if he was punishing her for last night, there was so much toxic waste she was worried about the effect on living beings like Ceit. She nervously watched several mutated creatures scurrying about in the long grasses, as well as some very intimidating looking snails with toxic bright coloring and iridescent shells oozing about on a fallen tree trunk, the slime trailing behind them faintly sizzling with an acidic burn. The cat stopped to investigate the snails, batting at their antennae, but she and Ceit carried on further into the swamp. Ceit seemed enthralled by everything, and was delighted to see the mutated creatures, pulling out a worn journal to sketch their likenesses, annotating in delicate cursive glyphs, her hand whipping across the page to get all her observations out, as she periodically looked up, holding her pencil up for scale. Outlandish looking creatures with more legs than they were supposed to have or curiously morphed facial features. It gave Alene a strange uncomfortable feeling, an itch she couldn¡¯t quite reach. It felt¡­wrong. Very very wrong. Like she shouldn¡¯t be here, like something bad would happen if she stayed. She shifted feet anxiously, a hand winding her hair around a ghostly finger.


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    A heavy wet slap like something hitting the surface of the waters echoed from some distance away, causing Ceit to look up from her sketching, just as she was adding some shading to a rodent with unusually large eyes, facing backward. ¡®That sounded kind of big, are there a lot of large animals around?¡¯ Ceit asked, apprehensive, the pencil in her hand drooping over the page. ¡®There are a couple larger animals, maybe a deer or a wild dog got caught in the muck? There are jaguars and wild pigs too¡­¡¯ Ceit closed her notebook and they crept towards the sound warily, failing to find any creature that could have produced it. ¡®What if it was something in the water, what if something large lives down there?¡¯ Alene worried. ¡®I can¡¯t see anything, it''s too murky.¡¯ Ceit replied, trying to peer through the sludge. Though Ceit seemed intrigued by the idea of some large mutant just out of sight, Alene was becoming more and more nervous. This was her first human friend, she didn¡¯t want anything to happen to her. And this whole area felt very off. ¡®Maybe we should go before it comes back.¡¯ Ceit seemed a bit reluctant to leave without finding out the source of the sound, but agreed nonetheless, packing up her journal into her satchel, slipping the pencil along with its trimming knife into a side pocket, clipping it all shut and throwing it over her shoulder, fluffing out the curls that got caught under the strap.


    As they left the swamp behind, Ceit remarked ¡®I¡¯ve heard some weird stories about this whole area. I was kind of surprised there was a city here at all.¡¯ ¡®Oh?¡¯ Alene inquired, curious for any insight into her city and its mysteries. ¡®I heard that long ago there was a god-king that started growing himself an army. Like, literally. He was such a powerful god that he tried to animate the entire forest into demi-gods at his command. I¡¯m not exactly sure what he wanted to actually do with them. Probably some weird inter-god war or something.¡¯ She waved her hands gesturing to the vegetation around them as she spoke. The trees were already intimidating as they were, tall and thick, Alene couldn¡¯t imagine if they were able to move. An army of mutated tree giants sounded terrifying. ¡®But the whole process was such a drain on his godhood that it corrupted him, and through him the whole forest he had managed to bring to life kind of imploded, like melted the whole area into some sort of toxic primordial ooze. I had kind of written it off as a myth, but maybe there is some truth to it?¡¯


    ¡®Didn¡¯t you see those waste drums? That looked entirely human made to me.¡¯ Alene countered, rather reticent to indulge the idea that her city was the site for such a horror. ¡®That¡¯s true, but they didn¡¯t look like they could be responsible for all of it, it was a swamp, after all. In the middle of a city. Maybe they built the city on top of the god-kings¡¯s tomb and it seeped up. Maybe that¡¯s why the city was destroyed.¡¯ Ceit seemed to be more and more enthusiastic on the idea as she speculated, though Alene remained privately unconvinced. ¡®The city was ruined by the bird, right, it caused all the damage we¡¯ve seen when it fell,¡¯ she insisted. ¡®But why are there no people then, no human remains?¡¯ There was that. Why there were no people had been a longstanding question for Alene, one she didn¡¯t have any theories on, let alone answers.


    ¡®Speaking of people and mysteries, you are a ghost, right? I mean, you seem very different from other ghosts I¡¯ve met, Lurkers usually have something keeping them tethered, like lingering resentment or strong emotion or unfinished business, you know? But if you don¡¯t remember then why would you remain¡­it just seems strange. Sorry! That wasn¡¯t rude was it?¡¯ She said with a sudden concern, as if she had just been thinking out loud and only just realized it might be impolite. ¡®No no!¡¯ Alene rushed to reassure her. ¡®I wish I had answers. Lots of things come naturally to me, like how to talk and what eating is supposed to feel like, and random trivia about flower meanings and properties. But I don¡¯t have any idea what happened here, or who I am, or why I¡¯m still here. I feel so, so out of place.¡¯ She finished hesitantly. It felt like a lot to reveal to someone who she had only just met. Too vulnerable and too soon.


    ¡®Hm. I understand feeling out of place. The longer I travel for Oongx, the less I feel like I have a home on the earth. I feel¡­out of phase. I suppose I feel a bit like a ghost too.¡¯ She looked at Alene, trying to bump her shoulder gently in camaraderie, only to phase right through her and fall on the ground. They both froze for a beat, surprised, before bursting out laughing. ¡®Here we are talking about ghosts and I completely forgot the intangibility!¡¯ Ceit got out, wheezing, palms on the ground behind her, a brilliant smile lighting up her already lovely face. Alene was leaning over, her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. ¡®I can¡¯t believe you just fell through me! You were so shocked!¡¯ Ceit¡¯s ears flushed a rosy pink as she picked herself up from the ground.

 Arc1, Chapter 5: Tethered

    ¡®And this is where I met my cat, he just bounded up to me from behind that pulpit and we¡¯ve been together ever since.¡¯ Alene had been showing Ceit some of her favorite places in the city, taking the circuitous route back to the skull as the sun set. ¡®Is that a bird?¡¯ Ceit asked, pointing to the stained glass. ¡®Do you think they worshiped birds here? Do you think it has anything to do with the giant bird corpse?¡¯ She said, rapid fire. She seemed fascinated by the stained window and its depiction, it was very delicate workmanship, and even more impressive given its resilience amongst the destruction. ¡®I wondered that too,¡¯ Alene responded, ¡®maybe the city died when their bird gods died.¡¯ ¡®But it¡¯s super weird for gods to die,¡¯ Ceit replied, thoughtful, ¡®I actually don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve even heard of it happening before, from the stories I have heard, they either go to sleep or get eaten by other gods, like Novem the god-eater.¡¯ She turned from the window to face Alene. ¡®And anyway, that still doesn¡¯t explain why the people are gone.¡¯ ¡®That¡¯s true,¡¯ Alene sighed, resigned. Ceit had so much experience, she had rather hoped that she might have encountered something similar and have some insight, but all she had were more questions.


    Alene¡¯s cat was waiting for them when they returned to the skull, looking down at them as they climbed up the skull, a disapproving parent awaiting the return of their wayward children. He meowed, seemingly in rebuke until Alene bent down to pet him, gently running ghostly fingers through his sleek black fur, giving him a scritch behind the ears. He stared intensely at Ceit, as Alene stroked his head, as if to smugly inform her of Alene¡¯s preference for him. Ceit playfully raised an eyebrow in response.


    Later that night, after Ceit had her fill of wild barley topped with more fruit reduction, she and Alene laid their backs on the very top of the bird skull to watch the night sky, ¡®Have you ever thought about leaving the city?¡¯ Ceit asked. ¡®It never really occurred to me. This is the only place I¡¯ve known. How will I remember anything if I leave it behind?¡¯ Ceit was quiet. ¡®You could always come with me, if you wanted.¡¯ She turned on her side, supporting her head with her hand. ¡®Maybe you forgot it all for a good reason. I could take you somewhere that has more people, or more ghosts, or you could just travel with me.¡¯ She played with a wispy curl, twisting it around her finger slowly as she spoke, violet eyes lowered, not quite making eye contact. ¡®Just think about it. You wouldn¡¯t have to be alone.¡¯ She raised her eyes to Alene, the sincerity shining there causing Alene¡¯s heart to clench. ¡®And I wouldn¡¯t either.¡¯ She finished, looking aside, shy. ¡®I¡¯ve never felt this way before, it¡¯s as if I¡¯ve known you all my life, like you were a part that I didn¡¯t know was missing. I¡­I don¡¯t want to leave you behind.¡¯ Alene¡¯s eyes widened.


    Alene stayed up staring at the sky long after Ceit went to sleep. She would be giving up on ever discovering the mysteries of her city, the mysteries of herself if she left. Perhaps some mysteries were meant to stay that way, just as Ceit had said. And she would have the companionship she had been longing for, she wouldn¡¯t have to be alone. The thought was too appealing.


    The morning saw Ceit packing up her bike, slowly making trips between Alene¡¯s room and the ground below, peeking at Alene as she did so. ¡®I want to come with you.¡¯ Alene burst out, unsure how to bring it up gracefully ¡®Travel with you, I mean¡¯ She corrected. ¡®Eeee!¡¯ Ceit jumped up from below, hugging Alene as best as she could without accidentally phasing through her again. ¡®I¡¯m so glad, it¡¯s going to be so great to have someone to travel with! It¡¯s going to be so much fun!¡¯ Ceit danced around in excitement before going back to her packing, with much more enthusiasm than before. Alene lingered in the skull cavity, trying to etch it in her mind. It was the site of heartache for her, but also the only place she had ever known. The only home she had ever known. She trailed her fingers along the colorful wiring lining the room, picking up her snail doll and holding it close. She would be leaving it behind, just like all remnants of her life here. She would be starting new. Her cat scrutinized her from her bedding, accusing. ¡®I know I know,¡¯ she soothed, coming over to pet him apologetically. ¡®But this might be the only chance I get to leave. I¡¯ve been here for so long. And just think, you¡¯ll get the entire bed to yourself, no more stretching out into ghostflesh by accident, won¡¯t that be nice?¡¯ She coaxed. He turned his back to her, grooming himself aggressively as if to dismiss her, as if to say her abandonment was nothing to him. She sighed. She didn¡¯t want to leave him like this, but she hadn''t anticipated he would be so inconsolable. ¡®I¡¯ll miss you,¡¯ she said gently, climbing down from the skull. He turned to watch her leave silently, before curling up, his back to her.


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    ¡®Do you need to say goodbye to anything else?¡¯ Ceit asked, wrapping up her last bag and cinching the saddle bag tightly. ¡®I¡¯ve said them. I¡¯m ready for the future now.¡¯ Ceit grinned, kicking her prosthetic leg over her bike and settling in the seat. Alene climbed on behind her, wrapping her arms around Ceit as best as she could. ¡®Oh wow, I didn¡¯t really notice yesterday, but your arms are really warm, like a hug from a heated blanket.¡¯ ¡®Is that ok,¡¯ Alene asked nervously. It would be an inauspicious start to their journey if she made Ceit uncomfortable. ¡®No no! It¡¯s really nice, it¡¯s going to be especially nice when we get going, the wind can be really chilly.¡¯ She started up the engine with a dull roar, the bike rising in place with the whirl of the four fans bracing it, before shooting off towards the city limits, the fans tilted behind them to propel the vehicle forward.


    Riding a hoverbike was an exhilarating experience. It felt a lot like flying, Alene thought idly, before wondering where that thought could have come from. They made good time, reaching the city limits at a reckless speed, given the lack of other vehicles, all of them crumpled down below in twisted chrome. Alene let out a joyful laugh, delighted with the new experience. She felt so free. Free from the weight of loneliness, free from the city of mysteries. She was leaving it all behind. The city could keep its secrets. She had Ceit.


    As they continued outward fewer and fewer vehicles cluttered the roads beneath them, and the buildings became more and more sparse. The trees became even larger, pushing through the broken streets, indicating they were reaching older forests. Suddenly, Alene was yanked back, a powerful, inexplicable force refusing to relinquish her to the woods and her possible future. Ceit, suddenly cold, slowed to a stop, realizing Alene was no longer behind her, she returned to where Alene stood fretfully, getting off her bike to see what was the matter. ¡®I can¡¯t seem to go any further.¡¯ Her stunned shock fading and frustration taking its place, threatening to overwhelm her as she felt herself tearing up. She had just decided to leave, to let go of the past and look towards the future, and here she was, her choice stripped from her. The city of mysteries refusing to hand her over to her new life. ¡®Oh Alene,¡¯ Ceit said, biting her lip, her voice filled with aching compassion. ¡®I¡¯m so so sorry. I¡­I can¡¯t stay. I have to follow Oongx, I can¡¯t give her up.¡¯ The anguish in her voice, that Ceit would give her up so easily after her words last night caused something to drop in Alene¡¯s stomach. But she couldn¡¯t expect Ceit to give up her holy duty for someone she had only just met, no matter the pull, the dawning something there had been between them.


    ¡®Do you want me to take you back?¡¯ ¡®No, no, I think I need to walk.¡¯ Alene declined, for once wanting to be alone. ¡®Come here,¡¯ Ceit said, opening her arms. Alene collapsed into her embrace, tears rolling down her face, fast and frequent, like strings of pearls. ¡®I just, I¡¯m glad. If just for a little bit, I got to feel what it¡¯s like to have hope for the future.¡¯ She said with a sob, doing her best to protect Ceit from her feelings. ¡®So, don¡¯t feel sad for me. I¡¯m actually really happy.¡¯ Ceit hugged her tighter, letting her sob until she ran out of breath and only great big hiccups were left.


    ¡®I¡¯ll come around next year, ok?¡¯ Ceit whispered into her hair, her voice tender and soft. ¡®So, this isn¡¯t really goodbye. We¡¯ll see each other again.¡¯ She gently loosened her embrace, still holding Alene by her shoulders, her fingers curving into the ghostly flesh, lingering, unwilling to let go just yet. ¡®And if I get called by Oongx, I¡¯ll be even closer, I¡¯ll be able to visit as long as her constellation is in the sky.¡¯ Ceit told her fervidly. ¡®Ok. Ok, I¡¯ll wait for you.¡¯ Alene pushed a smile through her tears, doing her best to put on a brave face for Ceit. Ceit looked at her intensely for a moment, violet eyes silvery with her tears, moving across Alene¡¯s face, memorizing her. She leaned in, kissing her cheek lingeringly. ¡®It¡¯ll be ok.¡¯ She said as she pulled back. Alene felt herself heat up, a flush of warmth across her face beneath the stain of her tears. ¡®Oh! You¡¯re so cute! I didn¡¯t know that ghosts could blush!¡¯ Ceit teased her gently. Alene laughed, a weak laugh, but a laugh nonetheless.


    Alene arrived back home to find her cat missing. Of course, she thought, a weight of resurging loneliness settling in her stomach like a heavy stone. There was nothing to keep him here with her gone, he must of left. Her abandonment must have hurt him, just as Ceit¡¯s had her. Guilt filled her. She felt more alone than ever. Now that she knew what it was like to have companionship, the loneliness was even more acute. She curled up in her nest, her comforter coiled around her, a tight small fetal ball, pulling the covers over herself completely. She stayed like that for a very long time.


    In the distance a wild dog cackled, as if her misery amused it, the sound raspy and unnatural.

 Arc1, Chapter 6: Desiderium

    There was something cold touching her. A cool, slightly wet feeling on her toes. She twitched her toes, trying to dislodge it, but after a moment it returned, more persistent, huffing slight puffs of hot breath against the arch of her foot. She pushed the blanket back, annoyed with whatever was disturbing her melancholy. Her cat pushed his nose into her toe again, with even more insistence. ¡®Oh you¡¯re back.¡¯ She said flatly. It was unfair for her to be mad at him when she left him first, but coming back to an empty home had been almost as heartbreaking as being ripped away from Ceit. Like he had abandoned her too. He gave her a reproachful look, as if he had the same thought. ¡®I know, I know,¡¯ she sighed, properly admonished. He walked to the exit, meowing at her insistently. ¡®You want me to follow you?¡¯ She asked. He circled back to her, nudging her foot again, nuzzling her leg. ¡®Maybe tomorrow. It¡¯s a bit too soon today.¡¯ She mumbled, tears rising. She retreated back under her blanket pile, pulling the covers over her head.


    She wasn¡¯t sure she would ever be ready to get up. Everything felt too raw. Every place she had used to go was contaminated, now filled with memories of Ceit that were too painful to encounter just yet. Or maybe ever. She had been so eager to share her life with Ceit, to show her the world she inhabited, she hadn¡¯t thought about how it would hurt when Ceit was gone. She entertained the idea of sleeping forever. Just like the gods in Ceit¡¯s stories, the ones that went to eversleep and never woke up, sunk into the earth, their bodies becoming one with the planet, wrapped forever in its embrace with blissful smiles as they everslept, sunken into sweet forever dreams. There was nothing for her outside of her bed, she could just stay here, warm and safe from her own mind. She was just so tired. Of the loneliness, of life. She wasn¡¯t even alive any way, she didn¡¯t have a life to give up on, she thought bitterly. Her entire body hurt with the strength of her emotions, an ache deep in her soul.


    Something cold was touching her. Again. She groggily kicked out at it, unwilling to leave the safe realm of sleep. Here she could dream. Of Ceit. Of a city filled with people. Of some nameless, faceless person that missed her. Anyone. Something jumped on top of her, crushing the blankets into her intangible body. Ugh, uncomfortable. Irritably she pulled back the covers, looking at her cat accusingly. He sat primly on top of her nest, as if some other, ruder cat was the one that had been using her body like a spring board. She looked around at her home for the first time in a while. It seemed the cat had gotten into her belongings, strewing them across the floor in disarray, her seashell collection scattered across the floor, and even some of her lanterns knocked down from around the enclosure. How did he even get up there? Annoying. Was this a ploy to get her out of bed? Probably. Was it working? Yes. She had carefully gathered all of the treasures in her house and she was loath to see them in such a state.


    After picking up and carefully returning them to their designated spots, with a couple choice words to her cat, scolding him as she worked to reorganize her home, she perched on top of her bed, fluffy comforter depressed with the slight weight of her body, legs crossed, surveying her work with satisfaction. Her cat was waiting by the exit again, sitting on his haunches wide eyes staring at her intensely and tail twitching, seemingly uncowed by her reprimands. Maybe it wouldn¡¯t be so bad to go out, just for a little, she thought, reluctantly, eyeing the world outside her skull home, vibrant and fresh. Sunlight streamed in through the openings in the bone, enticing, inviting her back into the waking world and its warm embrace.


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    He led her somewhere new again, this time a tiny quiet overgrown cemetery, tucked in a corner of a public garden, kapok and willow trees nestling the grave stones, cradling them in their gnarled roots, flowering vines growing up the tree trunks, brightly colored petals occasionally drifting down softly in the warm humid breeze. Small stone cat statues in relaxed poses were scattered beneath drooping branches creating an air of peaceful tranquility in the grove. Her cat navigated the tombs with familiarity, guiding Alene to a small stone shrine in the center, open walled but with a tiled roof.


    Her cat sat dignified in the center of the open altar, looking as if he belonged there more than he had anywhere else, his dark coat dappled mysteriously by the light making its way from the canopy above, before letting out a long plaintive sound more like a human¡¯s voice than any sound she¡¯d ever thought a cat could make, mournful and lingering. As if at his behest, ghostly lights lit up through the spider web cracks in the graves, ghostly feline figures broke free from the statues and memorial markers, erupting from their stones with puffs of glittering ghostly residue, dislodged leaves swirling in their wake from the bases of their tombs as they emerged, summoned to his side. They crowded around him, all facing him, reverently, while Alene was just another ghost among the throngs, surrounded by small furry ghostly bodies. He looked so very proud, Alene thought with a small fond smile.


    What sort of creature was her cat, she wondered. He couldn¡¯t be just a cat, she thought with certainty. He seemed¡­a king among cats, holding court over a ghostly congregation, at the epicenter of the ghostly activity, accepting their affections with the dignity of a god accepting homage. A god, perhaps, Alene turned the idea over in her mind, comparing her cat¡¯s behavior with the gods in Ceit¡¯s stories. It seemed ridiculous, to think that her cat, the cat that goofily batted at beetles, that was fascinated with the string from her bedding, was some sort of god. And yet¡­ Had Ceit mentioned a cat god? She wished she had paid a little closer attention to the content of the stories. She had been so caught up in the comfort of Ceit¡¯s presence, the cheery cadence of her voice. A pang shot through her chest at the thought of Ceit. No, she shook her head, centering herself. It was ok to miss Ceit, but she was here to let go of the despondency brought from her absence. Though it wasn¡¯t all about Ceit. Their time together had only sharpened contours of the loneliness that her departure had articulated.


    She had a life before Ceit, and she would continue to after as well, she resolved, taking a deep breath. If she had to live one breath to the next then she would. She would persevere.


    Her attention was pulled back to the cat ghosts as they began to approach her cat, one by one, butting faces with him affectionately before being absorbed by the subtle diaphanous astral body outlining his form, glittering like a mantle of stars, increasing incrementally with each cat inclusion, the light of it growing steadily stronger as the ceremony progressed. As the last cat greeted him and was absorbed, its face in peaceful bliss, her cat finally looked at her, his milky eye still, but his other eye spinning rapidly, round and round and round in its socket, otherworldly and eerie. Suddenly and without warning, his astral body rapidly spread out, whooshing past her in a surging wave, encompassing her until she was surrounded by a sea of stars, overlaid on the grove. His body, she realized, a scaled projection of her cat stretched throughout the tomb yard.


    She was in his eye. Or rather, just outside the astral projection¡¯s eye, looking in. She could see herself. Well, some version of herself, holding another being in her arms, a peaceful smile on her face. The figures were out of focus, ambiguous. Not Ceit, or at least not Ceit as she had last seen her. She couldn¡¯t tell if this was the past or the future or some fantasy, or who it was that she was holding. All she knew, in that moment, in some future-past-maybe time, was that she was not alone. And that was enough. ¡®Thank you,¡¯ she whispered to her cat, and she meant it from the very depths of her soul.

 Arc1, Chapter 7: Anamnesis

    She felt lighter after that. It still hurt, seeing the places she had taken Ceit to, but it didn¡¯t send her spiraling anymore. Her cat made sure she went outside enough, seemingly worried that she would relapse if she didn¡¯t get out every day, and he was probably right. She had to focus on a day at a time, on enjoying each moment of the day. And it helped, having him around. He didn¡¯t hold her abandonment against her. She wasn¡¯t sure she would have been as forgiving, if their positions were switched.


    ¡®You¡¯re such a gracious friend,¡¯ she cooed to him, dangling a string of wiring for him to bat at. He sat up, looking very proud, the string dangling from his mouth, its frayed end caught in his sharp canines. He didn¡¯t bring her anywhere new for a while, cycling between her favorite locations instead. The bodega with abundance of various fruits, the green house with carnivorous plants, the tree with her favorite raccoon family, the raccoon babies now fully grown racoons themselves.


    They never returned to the cemetery, and Alene knew she had been allowed to see something sacred. She appreciated it, and recognized the value of the gift she had been given. And it helped, knowing that someday, somewhere, someone would love her.


    There was plenty of life in the city, she abruptly realized one day. She had been looking at it all wrong. It didn¡¯t matter that there were no humans. There were deer, bounding gracefully between trees, birds aflutter in the canopy above, furry rodents scurrying about in the underbrush, wild dogs roaming streets. All manner of animals lived and died in the city, she shouldn¡¯t be so fixated on humans. They were just one of many, caught up in their own lives, just as any other.


    She had been dreaming more, dreams of Ceit and her possible journeys had been overtaken by dreams of soaring above a city teaming with people, swooping happily and riding the breeze. New dreams of a deep dark forest. She was quite sure she had never been to such a place, limited as she was to the city by the shore. She wondered if this too was a figment of her imagination, a form of self comfort. They certainly felt comforting, the deep solemn comfort of a mother¡¯s womb.


    And then it happened. Her cat had finally brought her to a new location, a small apartment room, one of many just like it in a complex. Nothing special. Just another one bedroom like any other. She reached to turn on a light. Without even looking to see if there was a switch there, as if it were natural for her to do so. Was this a memory? She looked at her hand, bewildered by the involuntary action, as if it would have the answers. ¡®Did I live here?¡¯ She asked no one, except her cat, who looked at her, head tilted, considering. ¡®Have you been bringing me to places I should know? Do you know me?¡¯ She had so many questions, her head whirling with them, like how a cat could still be alive for long enough to know her as a human. But she supposed this wasn¡¯t exactly an ordinary cat, possibly a cat god, even. ¡®Who am I to you?¡¯ she asked, accusatory, frowning at him. He didn¡¯t respond, but rather left the room entirely. Typical cat. Bringing her so close to a memory and then just, just abandoned her. Well, at any rate she was annoyed at him. She huffed, exacerbated.


    She explored her old room, trailing her fingers along the walls, feeling the familiar bumps and divots in the paint. She assumed it was hers, but it seemed a safe assumption. She supposed it could have been someone else¡¯s room, but there were things there that were so like her to collect, brightly colored egg shells, feathers of dozens of different birds, buttons with so many different shapes. And the lanterns she loved making. This was her room, once. She was sure of it. And there was her bedding, all twisted up, just the way she liked to sleep.


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    With all the bird paraphernalia she wondered if she had been a devotee of the church. The church of Avis. That¡¯s what the text in her book shelf read, titles with fancy swirling script, with gilded covers and gold leafed pages. A great bird god whose benevolence protected the city. Hm. That seemed to lend credence to the theory that the corpse of the creature was Avis, bird god of the city. Perhaps when the city died the god died? She wasn¡¯t sure about devotee-patron relationships. Did one rely on the other to survive, symbiotic? Parasitic? The text wasn¡¯t too helpful, mostly a list of the different benevolent actions of Avis. Her old self had made some annotations, apparently finding some of the offerings more interesting than others. She had also made some cute doodles in the margins, tiny birds in flight, baby chicks with big eyes. She traced the drawings with her finger tips. She had been here. Her heart beat pounded in her throat, scratchy with rising feelings.


    This was the first evidence that she was once a living being in the city during its height. That she had been alive. And she had remembered! Her chest felt tight, the excitement pulsing through her, her breathing quick. She looked around once more, the excitement souring to discontent. She didn¡¯t want to stay here, her human home. It felt wrong somehow, like she was a spector living out someone else¡¯s life. A counterfeit. She couldn¡¯t bear the thought. She was the real one, the real her. That girl had once been alive, but she was here now and that girl was no more. She had expected to feel overjoyed when her memories started to come back, but now she just felt threatened. Maybe Ceit was right, maybe she had forgotten for a good reason.


    She fled the room, leaving the book and everything else behind. She might come back later to look around more, but right now she needed some space. She couldn¡¯t breathe, her breath coming faster and faster. She was having a panic attack, she realized, as she stumbled down the apartment building steps, slipping on the last one and catching herself against the far wall. She slid down, with her back against it, legs bent beneath her, burying her face in her knees. How a ghost could have a panic attack when she was more or less all breath was beyond her, the thought coming almost comically at the wrong time. A slightly manic laugh burst out of her chest like a hiccup. A ghost having a panic attack. Why not? Some of the hysteria abated and she got her breathing under control, drawing deep breaths through her nose and wiping up ghostly tears, disappearing into the air as they dripped off her face.


    She wasn¡¯t entirely sure why she had such a strong reaction. Maybe it was the abruptness of the memory, just her hand reaching for a light switch, it came so naturally that she almost didn¡¯t notice it. What if she had missed it. A whole new wave of anxiety swept through her. What if she had been missing returned memories this whole time? No. A shudder ran through her. No she couldn¡¯t entertain that thought, she would just spiral further. And if they came once they would come again. She just had to be patient.


    Maybe her reaction was because she had been thinking of herself as a single being this whole time, and when she was confronted with her old life it felt as if it were someone else¡¯s. It was a disconcerting feeling to be more than a single person. She wondered if the old her would like the current her. Would they get along? Would she like who she had become? Maybe it was an irrelevant question, there was after all no way for her to meet her old self. She sighed. She should probably head back home. To her skull home, she mentally corrected. Not her human girl¡¯s home.


    Was it disrespectful to sleep in a god¡¯s corpse, she idly thought as she walked back. She hoped she wasn¡¯t bringing down curses on herself by accident. Better read that Avis bible. She ran back to fetch it, encountering her cat as she came out the door. She stalled, unsure whether he had seen her crying or not. He had been so supportive of her she didn¡¯t really want to be needy in front of him again so soon. Better play it cool. She brought her hand to her mouth as it opened in a yawn, ¡®I¡¯m super tired after all that, all that¡­ well anyway, I''m going to head back home now, feeling pretty sleepy.¡¯ She gave another exaggerated yawn for emphasis, stretching her arms over her head, the book still clenched in her hand. The cat stared at her unamused, and with a flick of his tail that was somehow dismissive, led the way back.

 Arc1, Chapter 8: Onism

    She lay in bed, thinking idly about the places the cat had led her so far. She wondered if they were all places that had meant something to her during her life. Did she know someone who lived at the home with the green house? Was she an attendee at the church of Avis? And the swamp. She sat upright. He had brought her there when Ceit had been with her. She had been so concerned about Ceit¡¯s wellbeing she hadn¡¯t really explored the area, frightened off by the possibility of a nearby predator. To her knowledge there wasn¡¯t that much that could hurt a ghost, so she could investigate with impunity. Though, it felt so very wrong there. She wasn¡¯t really interested in going back, something was deeply off about that place. It was a feeling deep in her being. Some primordial sensitivity that said that area was dangerous. But if there were clues about her past life, she would take the risk.


    She retraced the steps she and Ceit had taken that day, finding her way into the swampy region until she couldn¡¯t see the sky scrapers for the bald cypress and willow trees obscuring her sightline. Small creatures scuttled about, a frog with its entire back covered with wart-like eyes blinked at her. A mouse with two heads and two tails scurried past. Even the insects were affected, the dragon flies were much larger than they should have been, with dangerous coloring, buzzing uncomfortably close, a praying mantis clicked at her menacingly, toxically colored with a large flower coming out of its abdomen, aggressive. She knew they couldn¡¯t hurt her, but still, eerie.


    She walked around through the muck and among the water lilies, trying to stir up the memories, to see if something hit her the way the light switch had. Nothing. She was getting frustrated and cranky. What was the point of coming here, there was nothing except that disconcerting feeling of disquiet. And even that was fading the longer she stayed. Ugh, this wasn¡¯t working the way she wanted. She had rather hoped that she could just walk in with purpose and bam! Memories. But that was quickly being revealed to be an unachievable goal. She should go back. Maybe one of the other locations would trigger something. This was a waste of time. And just a waste in general. Besides being just plain wrong, the swamp was disgusting. Luckily, as a ghost she could walk on top of any muddy banks, but if she accidentally stepped in water she would go right through it. At least the mud didn¡¯t stick. It was all so gross. Ugh. She stomped grumpily, ripplying the dark murky waters.


    That same heavy slap she had heard last time echoed, much closer than previously. Two luminous eyes stared at her from the reeds, the lower face of a humanoid being submerged in the waters. ¡®Why didn¡¯t bring your new friend back.¡¯ The girl said, lifting her head surly, dark strands of wet hair sticking to her face. ¡®You didn¡¯t bring someone else to betray?¡¯ Her silvery fish tail lolled lazily behind her, scales glittering, giving way to wide frilled fins at the end, before she flicked it against the water again, releasing another weighty, irritated slap.


    Alene was in shock. Another human. Again, and so soon after the last one. Well. Mostly human. Only this one seemed to recognize her. And dislike her. That was new. She didn¡¯t think she much liked this feeling, as if she had been caught doing something wrong. ¡®Do you know who I am?¡¯ The girl eyed her distrustfully. ¡®You don¡¯t remember.¡¯ Her voice was flat. ¡®Ha. Ha hahaha.¡¯ She threw back her head as she laughed, revealing gills oozing slime on her neck, fluttering pinkly in the air as they contracted in search of oxygen. The girl stilled, suddenly staring at her with that same intense flat eyed stare, made more eerie by her luminous faintly glowing eyes, cat slit pupil contracting. ¡®You deserve to have something precious taken from you. Just like you took something precious from me.¡¯ She sank back into the muck smoothly.


    ¡®Wait!¡¯ called Alene, desperate. She couldn¡¯t let this girl slip by, no matter how much she was hated, she needed to know. She had so so many questions, and she wasn¡¯t sure this girl would reveal herself again. ¡®Please!¡¯ The girl reappeared, wary. There were so many questions roiling in Alene¡¯s head that she wasn¡¯t sure where to start. Where had all the people gone, what had happened to the city, why she, and now this girl, were the only ones left. ¡®Please, would you tell me who I am?¡¯ She implored. The girl smiled, a sharp vicious smile full of sharp vicious teeth, needle fine with even more prominent canines. ¡®No.¡¯ Alene felt her breath catch in her chest, her eyes prickled with tears, her lower lip trembling. She had half expected this, but it still hurt. Why did this girl hate her so much? Didn¡¯t she see that she wasn¡¯t that previous girl, her past self anymore? She was someone different. For the first time she was a little glad to have lost her memories, to be someone new, if her past self had been so hateful.


    ¡®What did¡­what was it I did to you that made you hate me so much?¡¯ She asked, voice small and thin to her ears. The girl scoffed. ¡®Of course you would forget. You ruined my life and don¡¯t even remember.¡¯ Her dark hair swirled like ink around her as she leaned on her arms lazily, eyeing Alene. With a put upon sigh and a flip of her hair she responded, ¡®you turned me into this¡¯ she said with emphasis, indicating her tail and gills with a flippant wave of her hand, the pinkie missing, cut away cleanly. ¡®You tricked me into going into the whispering woods with you then pushed me into the forest god¡¯s pool. It was agony,¡¯ she said, the pain of it apparent despite her flat, dissociated delivery. ¡®The toxic water corroded my body for years, transforming me into whatever it is I am now.¡¯ She pulled herself heavily from the waters, slithering onto a grassy mound, her bright tail separating into slender legs, complete with long webbed toes with tiny hooked claws at the end. ¡®And when I finally gained consciousness again, the whole city, everyone I loved, was gone. You stole my entire life from me.¡¯ Her voice was low, each word spoken with a savage repressed rage, her voice cracking.


    ¡®So you don¡¯t know what happened to the city? Why we are the only ones left?¡¯ Alene asked tentatively, still hopeful for answers. ¡®I survived because I¡¯m now a god¡¯s acolyte, I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re still here. I had hoped you would die.¡¯ She said the last bit with a small cruel smile, her eyes watching Alene carefully to see the barb land. She was not disappointed. Alene¡¯s lower lip quivered a little as she held back her tears. Maybe she should cry, this girl seemed to be owed something, and if tears were what she wanted, then perhaps she should give them to her. ¡®How did you leave the forest, this place is so¡­so wrong. It¡¯s dangerous,¡¯ she whispered, her voice hoarse. The girl cocked her head, ¡®don¡¯t care about me, I don¡¯t want anything from you. Besides,¡¯ she sneered ¡®because of what you did, this is one of the only places I can be. I can¡¯t leave toxic waters for very long. I had to crawl here from the forest. Each step was torture,¡¯ she said without inflection as she slithered back into the water, apparently done with her bodily display. She sighed, ¡®I¡¯m tired of you know. There¡¯s only so long I can stand to see your face at a time. But¡­¡¯ she turned to glance back at Alene over her shoulder, eyes sharp, ¡®come back tomorrow. I¡¯m bored. Mother is not a conversationalist.¡¯ With another heavy slap of her tail she disappeared into the depths of the muck.


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    Alene walked back to her home slowly. Ceit was right, in a way. It might have been better not to know. But now she did and there was no going back. Her past self. Her current self. Were they even the same? She didn¡¯t think so. She would never torture someone like that. Maybe the naiad had recognized the wrong person. She couldn¡¯t have been a ghost when the naiad had known her, she must have been human then. It seemed counterintuitive that she would get amnesia as a ghost. What sort of trauma would cause a ghost to lose their memories? But the naiad had wished her dead, and now she was, ergo, she must have been alive when the naiad knew her. Which meant she was a human at the height of the city. Likely she perished with the rest of them. That made sense, though she still wasn¡¯t sure why her soul had been left behind exclusively. It made the most sense to her that she lost her memories in the process of becoming a ghost. If she had lost them as a human she doubted she would have the necessary heightened emotion to keep her on this plane. Maybe, if she persisted, the naiad would lose interest in taunting her and would tell her what her name had been. She had no remaining hopes for regaining her memories, no other leads.


    ¡®Your name was Una.¡¯ The girl - Sym eventually told her. They had been human together, back when the city was alive. The revelation had not brought on the flood of memories she had hoped for. Alene had asked Sym to call her by her current name, she was still resistant to the idea of becoming Una, this girl who had caused so much pain to Sym, the only being she knew in the city now, besides her cat. Sym had refused. Una was who she hated, and Una was who she was. She didn¡¯t get to escape her actions, Sym had said. Alene had accepted her verdict as penance, but in her thoughts she was still Alene. To Ceit she would always be Alene. Would Ceit still care about her if she knew? Alene wondered. It hurt to consider Ceit¡¯s denial of her. But I¡¯m Alene, she reassured herself.


    ¡®Why would I push you,¡¯ Alene who was also Una had eventually worked up the courage to ask her. ¡®You didn¡¯t mean to hurt me, I think.¡¯ Sym said, thoughtfully, propping her head up on one webbed hand, what was left of her pinkie curled around her cheek, tail slowly swaying behind her, muddy water swirling behind her. ¡®You said you knew a way to help me have the power to fight a god. And I suppose that¡¯s what you did.¡¯ Her eyes cut sharply to Alene¡¯s, luminous slits under heavy half closed eyelids, water dripping from her lashes. ¡®Don¡¯t think that meant that I wanted this. I never asked for it.¡¯ That was enough time with Alene for one day apparently, she turned tail and rippled away leaving a flurry of disturbed reeds behind.


    ¡®It would be much easier to hate you if you had your memories,¡¯ Sym sighed a few days later. Alene perked up. Perhaps to Sym she was still different from the girl Una. And though she wasn¡¯t as desperate to get her memories, was slightly scared to have them back, she still wanted them. She felt incomplete, as if she had opened a book and only read the ending. ¡®Maybe you should go visit Mother. Maybe she could restore you.¡¯ She stirred her sharp nailed finger in water, delicate webbing stretching between her digits, a whirl in the eddies trailing behind. ¡®Who is Mother?¡¯ Alene asked, Sym had mentioned her before, when they had first met, a mother that was not a good conversationalist. Sym looked at her askance, who do you think accepted my acolyte-hood? Mother is the great lady Csialeide - my goddess,¡¯ she said, with emphasis.


    Alene who was also Una was standing in front of the entrance to the forest of whispers. She had crossed over to the island, walking over the sandbar, still slightly submerged with a thin layer of sea lapping at her ankles. She imagined from a distance it looked a bit like she was walking on top of the water. The sky¡¯s clear reflection rippled beneath her steps.


    The entrance to the woods was a giant carved doorway, framing the stone path into the darkness. An altar with a pile of salt lay at the base of the rust red structure, paint chipped away by time to reveal the underlying wood. Alene picked up some of the salt in her hand, letting the coarse grains pass through her fingers and trickle back into the pile with a soft sound as it returned to the pile. She wondered what was done with it, by those passed away people. She could hear the whispers now, a sort of soft humming sound that lowly resonated, a sound that was almost felt more than heard, like a heartbeat. She felt her form losing coherence, just a little from the reverberations. With a steadying breath, she set off down the path, towards the humming.


    The forest was unnaturally still. No birds flew in the trees, no deer grazing on foliage, not even any insects buzzed. Just that pure steady hum, seeming to fill the air and come from all directions at once as she walked along the smooth stone path, somehow welcoming. Massive flowers and mushrooms towered overhead, giant crystals jutting from the grounds beneath them. All of them pulsing softly with that unworldly hum. As she walked gradually deeper into the forest, the sky above was completely obscured by the interwoven canopy. It was somehow soothing, a warm dark comfort.


    Eventually she came to a pool, a beautiful silvery thing, stretched out like moonlight. Though the canopy above was too tangled to let the natural sunlight in, some sort of algae fluorescenced on its surface, glittering like stars in the sky and lighting up the glade with a subtle, mysterious blue light.


    The humming crescendoed. A giant snail slowly emerged from the pool, oozing its way onto the shore in a smooth slick sliding motion. Its shell was a majestic, arcane thing, bones and skulls warped into a hypnotizing spiral. Six great branches emerged from it, apparently growing from the calcium, upon which wisteria garlands grew, draping elegantly, swaying in the still air, dripping silvery droplets with soft echoing chimes onto the disturbed waters beneath, rippling the algae.


    Alene could feel the snail¡¯s thoughts, she realized, just like she felt the hum. The ancient delight of an ancient god. ¡®You¡¯ve finally come home, Daughter.¡¯

 Arc 2: Humans, Chapter 1: Hatchling

    ¡®Mother?¡¯ Alene asked, hesitant and wondering. She could see it now. A blurry picture settled softly in her mind, overlay on top of her own thoughts like a veil of her as a baby. A little chick with more fluff than feathers, rocked into sleep like a lullaby on the back of some great arcane beast. ¡®I was¡­ I was a bird once. From a nest that was in one of the branches growing out of your shell¡­¡¯ Alene eyed the massive snail¡¯s massive dappled shell, laced with a hypnotic spiral teeming with what looked like an entire village full of fossilized sacrificial bones, calcified into the shell body, veiled in long trailing wisteria blossoms, the six thick branches heavy with the weight of their blooms appearing to grow out of the shell itself, bizarrely grafted on, or rather in some mysterious way growing from the shell itself. ¡®And then, I fell into your slime. And was transformed. Different from Sym, I, I was¡­born.¡¯ The snail hummed, the very air vibrating around herself. ¡®You are my one and only, my Una,¡¯ she hummed, as if it were a spell. Alene who was also Una felt a warm rush of air pass through her, a flush of heat, of affection, from the snail¡¯s pronouncement, filling her ghostly form with deep earthy forest breath.


    More images followed, of her growth, from a tiny blind baby bird into a more mature godling, human-bodied from the contribution of the human skull in which she hatched, with hair as wild and fluffy and brightly colored as it had been when she was a chick. Her pre-transformation baby-hood, flailing in the carnage that was her chick siblings before falling from the nest to land inside a deteriorating skull emerging from within her mother¡¯s shell, eating the godseed and incubating there in the snail slime to become a full god herself. Her childhood playmates, Izar and Sabea, the tiger and star maiden constellations respectively, connected via their shared heart and the devotion and celebrations from sister-villages, and the games the three of them played together by her mother¡¯s silvery pool. All her flower and mushroom sisters, poppies and oyster mushrooms and lilacs and enoki, inadvertent acolytes of her mother, transformed into massive ancient things through her mother¡¯s corrosive slime. They were not her own memories, but rather those of her mother, viewing her growth from the perspective of a being that clearly loved her very very much.


    ¡®And now I have another sister? Sym?¡¯ She asked her mother questioningly. ¡®You asked me to take her as an acolyte, to give her my power and protection.¡¯ Csialeide rumbled. ¡®Did I say what she needed protection from?¡¯ It occurred to her that while Sym had mentioned power, her mother alluded that her past self had thought Sym needed protection, and if she needed the power and protection of a god, perhaps that offending or offended party was another divine being. ¡®You did not say,¡¯ the snail replied, from her distant, distracted tone indicating that she found this line of questioning uninteresting. She seemed surprisingly ambivalent about her acolytes, her priestesses both human and other-bodied alike, but perhaps that was the case with all gods, Oongx too watched her acolytes from a great distance, not intervening in their lives, from what she could tell from Ceit¡¯s account.


    ¡®I missed you, Daughter, you don¡¯t visit as often as you used to,¡¯ the snail¡¯s hum seemed to take on a chiding tone. ¡®And what is it you¡¯re wearing, is that how young gods dress now, like ghosts? Where is your human skin, you used to love going about in it.¡¯ Alene paused, startled. Her mother was so motherly. It hadn¡¯t really caught up with her. She had a mother, family who cared about her and wanted the best for her, and missed her when she wasn¡¯t around. Just as she had hoped in her heart of hearts, secretly with subconscious desperation. Everything she had been longing for was right next to her, on this island next to the city the whole time. It wasn¡¯t the family she had expected, being a god, and not human in the slightest, but it was hers.


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    She felt a smile pull at her lips, a rising glow of affection for this monolithic creature. ¡®I did lose my memories, Mother,¡¯ she reminded the snail god, mildly. ¡®Humph. You were right there in the city and you couldn¡¯t find time to visit.¡¯ The snail seemed unsympathetic to her condition, but sent another warm wave of memories her way. There she was bursting into speckled feathers for the first time to soar around the island, crying over her first lost baby tooth terrified she was cursed by some malevolent tooth spirit, the first time she called out ¡®Mother¡¯, emerging fully formed from her mother¡¯s slime, a memory so cherished by the snail she could feel the emotion of it through the telepathic bond.


    Regardless of this being her first time meeting her, she had longed for this familiarity, missed it despite never having had it before. ¡®I missed you too, Mother.¡¯ She wrapped her arms around the snail, the snail¡¯s slime a strange new sensation on her ghostly flesh, cool and viscous, causing her form to become surprisingly humid. It wasn¡¯t an unpleasant sensation. Warm. Like a hug that fulfilled you from the inside out.


    Csialeide seemed sad when she insisted on going by Alene, but she couldn¡¯t bear to be called after a girl she still didn¡¯t feel much connection with. She felt she understood her better, knew more about what had shaped her, but she was still almost a separate entity with a separate life. This is Una¡¯s island, Una¡¯s sisters, Una¡¯s mother. And when Izar and Sabea came to visit, Sabea riding on Izar¡¯s back, her long thick hair trailing down the tiger¡¯s back, Una¡¯s friends.


    She spent a long while on the island, lolling about in the soft mossy banks by the soft blue algae fluorescent light of the pool and talking with her mother, doing her best to listen as her previous self¡¯s friends reminisced, as they attempted to prompt her missing memories, Izar interjecting on occasion as Sabea chatted rapidly, her hands animated. Time seemed to pass strangely, without sun or moon to mark it, the dark interwoven canopy above obscuring the sky entirely, the only stars those contained within Izar and Sabea¡¯s constellation forms visible in the forever twilight. She met her other acolyte sisters, the extraordinarily tall flowers and mushrooms growing throughout the forest, connected by mycelium and roots beneath the soil. They were a quiet bunch, preoccupied with their own rich inner lives, but would chat for a short while with Alene if she initiated, the thoughts projected as a softer, less disruptive hum than her mother¡¯s. The whole forest was more soothing than she expected, to be surrounded by whispers, a humming lull that more often than not coaxed her to sleep, a deep, dreamless, refreshing slumber. If this was the eversleep of the old gods she could see the appeal.


    Her mother had tried to help her unlock her memories, had found the frequency of her mind and hummed deep and long, oscillating at the same wavelength, but they stubbornly stayed out of reach. They had halted only when it seemed Alene¡¯s form was starting to lose coherence, phasing in and out of time. She ended up phasing out entirely, waking up several days later without knowing if she had simply stopped existing during the missing time or if she had somehow jumped through time to arrive in the future. Csialeide had been a flurry while she was missing, searching for her with the edge of hysteria, almost to the point of seeking out the help of the god of dreams to track her down, despite the dangers inherent in revealing a vulnerability to another god, especially a dangerous and capricious one like Noctua, trickster god of the small blue moon that orbiting the ringed planet in an intricate dance along with the larger silver one high in the sky. Luckily she had formed back into existence before her mother had actually made the call.


    Her mother had been overwhelmingly relieved when she had reappeared, refusing to let her leave her sightline for several days. She had refused to try any more approaches to regaining Alene¡¯s memory, saying she would rather have her daughter than her daughter¡¯s memory. Alene had been touched by the sentiment, if a bit frustrated. It was difficult being on the island, it felt a bit like Una was just out of reach, that if she tried just a bit harder she would be able to grasp what was missing.

 Arc 2, Chapter 2: Chrysalism

    Eventually she returned to the city, ready to get back to the life she had made for herself among the ruins, her mother garnering assurances that she would visit more frequently before allowing her to set off, her starry friends returning to the night skies. When she arrived back to her bird skull home her cat came bounding up to her, his tail straight up in the air and ears attentively forward, meowing for attention. ¡®Did you miss me?¡¯ She asked him coyly, as he rubbed his arched back against her leg. It was nice to be missed, like he was her family too. And while he did seem to have some sort of inner knowledge of her life before, as Una, and some rich inner he had only given her a glimpse into, he felt more hers than her mother or her friends had been.


    It was seeming more and more likely that the skull she had made her home was her own corpse. Her mother hadn¡¯t seemed aware of her demise and couldn¡¯t authenticate her remains, unable or unwilling to leave her island home. But the remains of a giant bird, larger than any living, seemed very probably hers. Did gods even have ghosts, she wondered, frustrated. Did the eversleeping gods walk on the earth as shades? If not, then what sort of unfinished, lingering attachment could a god possibly have that would leave her trapped here, unaware and amnesiac. And what could kill a god? Another immortal, according to Ceit. She eyed her cat. He wasn¡¯t a normal cat, a cat god even, if her instincts were accurate, but could he have killed her? Was that another of his mysterious powers? He nuzzled her, nosing her fingers aggressively for more pets. It seemed unlikely.


    It gave her a strange, slightly grotesque feeling, to be living in her own corpse, assuming it was. But it was also comforting. Here was her body. It was alive once, and she was in it, inhabiting it as she once had. It belonged to her then, and it belonged to her now, albeit in a weird, twisted sort of way. It made her feel a little more connected to being alive, to Una.


    Despite the comfort of knowing her origins, nothing was revealed about the past of the city. Her mother responded to her inquiries with a vague reference to some god-calamity which was about as specific as she was inclined to get, and it seemed unclear whether the incident had been a year, a century, or half a millenia ago, as she was terribly imprecise when it came to anything outside her domain. The issue was further confused by the fact that the city seemed the site for multiple calamities through its existence. Her mother had very little interest in the human¡¯s world, and after a while Alene stopped asking.


    She wondered if this calamity would be the one to end the city permanently. There were no more people to rebuild, no more people at all, ghost or otherwise. Would it all just be taken over by vegetation until it was indiscernible from the forest? What would happen to her as the city shrunk? Would her range of motion be impeded until she had no room to move, would she then disappear entirely? The sudden fear terrified her when it first occurred to her. She had to sit down and breathe through the panic for several long breaths, holding onto her stuffed doll tightly while her cat watched with some trepidation, his eyes wide and unblinking, a bewildered expression on his face at her unexpected and abrupt panic attack.


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    It seemed like a concern a god shouldn¡¯t have, something too stifling for beings with presumably inconceivable power. Her mother did seem tied to her island, but not in the same way. She seemed there more by indifferent to the outside lands rather than having an inability to leave, as far as Alene could tell. It had been a bit surprising to Alene that she wasn¡¯t restricted from going to her mother¡¯s island. She had tried swimming past it some ways but had run into the same problem as she had when she was with Ceit, an immense force stopping her suddenly and absolutely. The rules governing the impediment were unclear to her, but as far as she could tell so far the space she was allowed didn¡¯t seem to be growing or shrinking, just restrictive.


    She resumed her walks with her cat, wandering the ruins again, hoping once again to trigger something, the potentials of their relationship lingering in the back of her mind. She resumed her visits with the naiad Sym as well, who was similarly disappointed by the reticence of her memories, slapping her tail irritably when Alene broke the news, though she played it off as a trivial, slip of the tail movement. She had been shocked when Alene had revealed Una to be a god, and Alene wondered at first if she even believed her. She had laughed afterwards, the sharp, harsh laughter from when they had first met, a hint of self mocking undercurrent. ¡®Of course you¡¯d be a god, when have gods ever been good to me?¡¯ Alene had been sent home early that day, Sym¡¯s bitter, derisive laughter replaying in her mind.


    Sym had taken to telling her stories of the city, everything from days in her life, to nursery rhymes, anything to have someone to talk with, her anger dwindling over time. Alene felt guilty about how relieved she was over the change. Despite having no memory of it, she still felt greatly responsible for Sym¡¯s unwanted condition. Mother, of course, had been unabashed about the undesired change her waters had wrought on Sym, so Alene had resolved to take on her portion of the guilt as well.


    She and Sym speculated sometimes, over what might have happened, to the destruction in the city and disappearance of the people, the massive skeleton, and to the bizarre presence of a swamp in the center of the city. ¡®Perhaps an explosion from the catacombs?¡¯ Sym speculated aloud, speaking about the swamp. Apparently after one catastrophe the city had been rebuilt upon its own destroyed foundations, leaving tunnels and chambers deep beneath the surface. Intrigued, Alene asked ¡®How far down does your swamp go? Can you get into the catacombs?¡¯ Sym looked contemplative, ¡®it¡¯s pretty murky, I haven¡¯t actually explored it all, but it goes down pretty deep and gets kind of twisted the deeper you go. I have gills, but my body can¡¯t rely on them exclusively, I still need air to breathe after a while.¡¯ Unwilling to encourage Sym towards more harm, Alene dropped that line of inquiry.


    Privately, she was convinced the giant bird, her past self, Una, was the one that had caused the city¡¯s destruction, no matter how disconcerting the thought. Her readings in the Avis bible had made the relationship between the people and their god something of an intertwined existence, though it had hinted at a superseding, more ancient religion, so perhaps a requisite symbiotic relationship was out. But Sym wasn¡¯t able to see the extensivity of the damage, nor the skeleton itself from her pool, and remained convinced that her swamp was somehow the crux of it.


    She wondered if there were some sort of godly ritual that caused an entire population to simply cease to exist. In many of the houses she¡¯d been in, it looked like the occupants had just vanished, food still on their tables, if grossly decayed. It was a disquieting thought. Would she have been the one to use such a thing? Gods were all about reciprocity, despite how unbalanced humans might perceive it to be, perhaps could her death have been some sort of catalyst to destroy the city, or a failed attempt to save it? Was she the hero or the villain of this story?

 Arc 2, Chapter 3: Dreams and memories

    She had always had vague dreams about flying. Dreams of soaring over the city from above, looking down to see the busy streets beneath her. Dreams where she dips and dives, soaring on heated thermals as the wind lifts her in the air, ruffling her feathers as it rushes past. Dreams where the people below pointed up at her, exclaiming in awe as she proudly glides above their heads, turning tricks in the air for their delight. In retrospect it should have been more obvious to her, her birdly heritage, given her dreams as well as the bird-like quirks of her behavior, though she was a little glad that she didn¡¯t have such an inflated ego before to have made a claim to godhood on the basis of her dreams alone.


    During her time at the island though most of her sleep had been deep and uninterrupted, she did have a smattering of dreams, hazy obscure things, perhaps brought about by the strangely lethargy inducing lack of clear time passage. They had mostly been of the memories her mother had shown her, her brain trying to order them, to put them into place in her mind, devoid of all senses except visual.


    Now that she had returned home, she had begun dreaming more frequently again, more dreams of her childhood, only this time from a different perspective than she had seen them from her mother¡¯s. It excited her, rather than scared her this now, to be getting a new memory back. Perhaps because it wasn¡¯t new shocking information, she had seen it before from her mother¡¯s antennaed eyes. She was a little worried, at first, that her brain was trying to trick her, somehow, trying to build a false scaffolding around the memories her mother had gifted. But she decided she couldn¡¯t let that likely irrational fear usurp the joy she got from discovering new things about herself, even if they weren¡¯t entirely the way they should be, if some of the memories were recast by time.


    She saw herself playing on her own in the woods, the giant toadstools and flowers of her mother¡¯s island, running about them as a barefooted child, and later careening through them as a swift winged kestrel. She saw more snippets of Izar and Sabea. Of games of hide and seek, capture the flag, and tag, the times she would play tricks on them, giggling obviously from behind a mushroom¡¯s trunk. Of Sabea gently untangling her feathery hair, pulling sticks out of it, bewildered. And her own failed attempts at braiding Sabeas ground length hair, dark tresses tangling hopelessly under her inept hands, fingers caught in the starry strands. She had been so close with them, as a child, had shared with them her every small secret. She wondered how painful it must have been, to see her now. A version of her without any of those cherished shared memories.


    The first time she experienced a memory while awake, besides the small light switch memory back at her human room, she was walking towards the fruit stand, going to pick a mango from the tree growing out of it. She turned to her left to speak to someone over her shoulder, as she occasionally did, the lingering muscle memory prompting her, and there was Sym, only different. Her skin had a healthy, human glow to it, her dark hair fluttering in the breeze rather than soaked and flat with the waters of her swamp. She could see Sym¡¯s mouth move, the curl of her lips in a smile, her laughter, a lighter, more joyful sound than she had ever heard from Sym before, appearing in her head.


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    The memory was a wispy, slightly luminous thing, overlaid with the world she walked in. Alene took an inadvertent step backward, tripping over a crack in the sidewalk, a thick overgrown root emerging from it, and it was gone, whirling away as if it had never been there in the first place. She paused, stunned, a bit unsure of what she had just seen.


    Would Sym remember this moment too, she wondered, after a moment. She had never brought Sym something from the stand before, she realized, as she continued her journey. Sym made a point to reject anything resembling care from Alene, but in the guise of the recovery of her memories, perhaps she would be more amenable to a small gift. And she would be able to ask Sym about the fruit stand, see if it was a true memory or just wishful thinking.


    ¡®I had a memory, I think,¡¯ she said, passing the ripe fig to Sym, careful not to drop it in the muddy eddies. ¡®And what exactly does this,¡¯ she held up the dappled fruit her hand dripping slightly from the water, eyebrow arched, ¡®have to do with your memory.¡¯ Sym looked at her flatly, holding the fruit in her hands as if it were about to detonate, sharp nails imprinting on the bruised skin. ¡®I was on my way to the fruit stand, the one with all the different kinds of exotic fruits that you can¡¯t find anywhere else in the city. Do you know it?¡¯ Alene asked, doing her best to temper her hope, her heart pounding in her chest despite her efforts.


    Sym looked up at her, distracted from her perusal of the fruit, ¡®we used to go there,¡¯ she said slowly, almost wistfully, a faint smile on her lips, her gaze softening to somewhere beyond Alene, into a past moment she now shared with the ghost girl. ¡®You loved the fruit, any sort of sugary snack really.¡¯ Sym took a bite of the fruit, her needle sharp teeth ripping into it with gusto, uncaring of the juice dripping down her chin into the water below. Alene¡¯s heart soared, it was a true memory after all. Surely more would follow. It was finally happening.


    As the days passed, more memories resurfaced, and a dark haired boy appeared as well, Hiru, Sym had said, and Iseult for the new pink haired girl, nostalgia and mourning thick in her tone. Alene walked the city, doing her best to prompt more memories to surface, directed by Sym¡¯s recollections to locations most saturated with her living counterpart, hoping to dredge them up from the murky depths of her psyche.


    Walking in the gardens where trees were draped with vines, morning glory and datura, she saw her with Sym, Isuelt, and Hiru, with the occasional addition of others, laughing in a much more manicured park, butterfly kites high in the air and patterned blankets and picnic baskets below. She saw the three racing away from her, their school uniforms fluttering behind them as they ran away to classes as she walked at a more sedate pace down a busy main street. On a corner where the coffee shop had once stood, now overgrown with coffee trees, she saw Hiru, Iseult, and Sym getting drinks together, giggling at her surprise at the texture of the foam topping it, a dollop of cream dotting the tip of her nose. Their phantoms filled the city as she wandered, dogging her every step, until she couldn¡¯t remember how it felt not to have them. A new type of longing and loneliness filled her.

 Arc 2, Chapter 4: Theta

    Alene returned to visit her mother¡¯s island woods, as she had promised, greeted by the Csialeide¡¯s ebullient joy.


    ¡®I saw you in one of my visions, Mother, you used to receive sacrifice from the city?¡¯ she inquired. The memory was from early in the city''s history, back from when she hadn¡¯t visited the mainland. She had seen a procession as a very young child, when she hadn¡¯t yet lost her downy baby hair. She had been hiding in the island¡¯s woods behind a thick mushroom stalk, had seen people approaching the island¡¯s gates, clothed in brine soaked garments, delivering a sacrifice. The man was wrapped in an opaque white shroud, delicate white lilies blooming in his hair, tears running down his face as he continued onward through the gate. He walked down the path to her mother¡¯s pool, feet burning from the toxicity of the forest with each step as his skin melted, being absorbed into the woods. Bloody footsteps followed in his wake, dyeing the rim of his garment a vicious scarlet, his pained gasps the only sounds besides the constant heavy hum, taking on a sinister tone, more oppressive than usual.


    Her mother hummed an affirmative, the sound echoing around them in the glade. ¡®They would bring me tribute, humans they would offer as sacrifice and recompense for settling so close to my shores. ¡®But Mother,¡¯ Alene inquired, ¡®why wouldn¡¯t you save the city from the annihilation if they were devoted to you as their god?¡¯ The snail hummed again, ¡®oh daughter, they were not my devotees, but yours. After you went to the mainland you took them as your followers, they built churches and shrines worshiping you.¡¯ Her mother sighed, a fond, exacerbated tone, ¡®and eventually you chose to walk among them, wearing your human form to experience their ways.¡¯


    A slew of images entered her mind¡¯s eye, projections from her mother¡¯s perspective. Her increasing visits to the city, her excitement telling her mother about the things she saw, her curiosity about the beings who wore the same form as her.


    Alene sighed, frustrated. It was so maddening only being able to learn things about herself second hand, though she did appreciate the insight into Una¡¯s psyche. Her visions thus far had been primarily visual things, though she could hear a faint echo of what might have been said if she concentrated hard enough.


    ¡®Do you think you could try oscillating my brain waves again, Mother? I want to try it while I¡¯m asleep this time.¡¯ The snail hummed, conveying her concern at the thought. ¡®What of last time, loveling, you phased right out of existence. I couldn¡¯t bear to lose you, not when I just got you back.¡¯ Alene reached out, laying a comforting hand against her mother¡¯s thick shell. ¡®I¡¯ve been thinking about what happened last time, and I talked it over a little with Sym. She thinks it may have been too high an intensity, and that we should try a longer wavelength, she said to try theta, that you¡¯d know what that means?¡¯ Her mother hummed, contemplative, mulling over the idea. ¡®Alright, but if you start to phase out I¡¯m going to stop, and you will have to try another method, understand?¡¯ Her mother said, her voice firm.


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    Alene was having a very nice dream, flying amongst fluffy cumulus clouds, catching warm thermals to lift herself high, soaring over a shining city, the sunset glinting off the glass steepled buildings, turning them glittering gold and silvery white, reflective against the dark ocher of a setting sun. A voice was whispering in her ear, a soft sort of thrumming whisper that she couldn¡¯t quite make out as she cocked a bird ear. It occurred to her that it was a strange thing for something to whisper to her at this altitude. She turned her head over her shoulder to tell them as much, when she realized she was no longer in the sky at all, but in a church, much like the one where she had first met her cat, all shadowed pews and colored glass. Her bird form was larger than the one she had been in way up in the sky, but small enough to fit through the church¡¯s elaborately carved double doors, birds amongst a magnolia tree, blossoms blooming, their petals the sole painted images on the dark wood. The detail was exquisite, she could almost smell it. A human in a long flowing robe embroidered with a falling feather pattern was presenting her with a massive bronze plate of delicacies. ¡®We thank you for your blessings, great one.¡¯ The human bowed low, prostrating themselves amongst the other worshipers gathered, prompting a wave of kneeling by their congregates.


    The scene moved, shifting away from the dark wood and stained glass of the church, colors whirling to reconfigure into a white sanded beach on the shores of the city, speckled with sea rounded sea glass pebbles and bleached driftwood, Alene drawing a line in the soft sand with her wing tips, making a deep furrow, all the way down to bedrock, the heavy wind from off her back repelling a giant tidal wave from sweeping the city away to the relieved cheers of the gathered citizens watching in an anxious crowd. ¡®Praise Avis!¡¯ rang in her ears as the scene shifted again. A feast laid out before her, a being in the same style of embroidered robe from her previous vision raising a toast, ¡®...by the grace of our great god, Avis we have overcome this plague, she breathed new life into those afflicted¡­¡¯ The city grew as her visions progressed, becoming a more advanced metropolis, hovercraft and airships overtaking wheeled vehicles on the streets, paved paths and parks more articulated.


    She came to with a gasp, sitting up right from her supine position on the mossy shore of the pond. It had worked! The theta brain waves had successfully stimulated her memory and she had recovered some of her time as Una.


    Una had been adored, she realized, the people of the city had not just worshiped her, but also loved her, she could see it in their eyes, in their voices, in their devotion. What could have prompted Una to destroy the city, Alene wondered. Perhaps she should rethink her hypothesis, maybe Sym was right and the swamp had more to do with the city¡¯s destruction than Una¡¯s skeleton. Perhaps gods that took devotees died when their worshipers did?


    ¡®How are you feeling loveling?¡¯ Her mother asked, concern lacing her voice. Her antennae touched her daughter gently, running over her face, checking that she was still whole, that hadn¡¯t phased out of this plane. ¡®It worked, Mother!¡¯ Alene said, unable to contain her elation. ¡®I saw Una¡¯s devotees,¡¯ she paused, sharply, she hadn¡¯t communicated her resistance to the idea that she and Una were the same being to her mother, and wasn¡¯t sure how she would take it. Her mother paused slightly, her antenna stilling for a fraction of a moment, but made no other indication that she had heard Alene¡¯s slip. ¡®I saw their worship,¡¯ she finished.


    ¡®Do you think we could try again? I mostly saw the city earlier in time, none of when I walked as a human.¡¯ Alene was careful to speak about Una in the first person, she didn¡¯t want to hurt her mother¡¯s feelings, wanted to respect the name her mother had chosen for her. ¡®Why don¡¯t we wait a little loveling, let your mind rest. The memories aren''t going anywhere.¡¯ Her mother said gently. Alene was reluctant to put off gaining her memories, eager to keep going while something was finally working, but agreed. She sensed it was her mother who needed a break, but there was no way of performing the procedure without her mother¡¯s contribution, so she would just have to wait.

 Arc 2, Chapter 5: Godseed

    ¡®...And I saw myself repelling a massive typhoon, just like, beating my wings and rebuffing it completely from the city¡¯s shores.¡¯ Sym listened to her with a hand propping her head, a slightly bored look in her slit yellow pupils. ¡®You didn¡¯t see any more of me or Hiru or Iseult?¡¯ She asked after Alene had talked herself out. ¡®Unfortunately not yet, it seems a little chronological, like, I saw the city progressing, so maybe if I keep going I¡¯ll eventually see you all.¡¯ Alene said, hopeful, slightly chastised. She knew Sym really just wanted Alene to remember her so she could be adequately reproached. It hurt a little, knowing her closest companion held her in such low regard. Her cat had disappeared after she had started spending more time with Sym, he didn¡¯t seem terribly fond of her, and avoided her mother¡¯s island altogether, refusing to go anywhere close to it, turning up his nose and walking in the opposite direction whenever they got too close.


    ¡®I kind of agree with you now, about the catacombs and the swamp being a part of the city¡¯s destruction, I¡¯m not sure Una would have done it on purpose.¡¯ Sym looked at her askance when she referred to Una as separate from herself, but didn¡¯t say anything, used to it by now. She had even called her Alene once, though she had quickly and aggressively corrected herself, glaring at Alene as if challenging her at the rectification.


    Sym snorted a little, ¡®you could have done it by accident though,¡¯ her opinion of gods never high, ¡®but I still think it was something to do with the catacombs.¡¯ She flopped onto her back, arms folded under her head, staring at the sky, bending her neck back a bit to look at Alene before looking up again when she was done speaking. Alene moved from her cross legged position to laying down on the mossy bank, her head resting on her crossed arms, near Sym. ¡®Why are you so certain about the swamp and the catacombs anyway?¡¯ Sym¡¯s tail waved gently in the muddy waters, stirring tiny whirlwinds of current full of debris as she thought how to answer.


    ¡®There was this story, about the city. That it was built on top of the ruins of an older city, one that had been destroyed in an apocalypse by a god-king. Me and Iseult were super into his myth,¡¯ she said, an aside, ¡®he was this sort of zombie-god that had tried to raise an undead demi-god army to wage a holy war against the other gods and all of creation. He didn¡¯t succeed, obviously, but the process caused a massive explosion, sinking a lot of the old city in a sort of sludge of toxic waste and residual godseed.¡¯ She paused, turning to Alene, ¡®it was true. Well, probably¡­the important part is that the godseed was discovered by Hiru¡¯s mother, in the catacombs under the city. And she¡­she was, not exactly evil, but very¡­well, driven. She wanted to change the world with it. She couldn¡¯t quite become a god, but she definitely gained some god-like powers. So, I can see her trying to do something to the godseed in the catacombs and causing a calamity like the last one.¡¯ Sym swished her tail morosely, a weary, heartbroken look on her face. ¡®No matter what it was that happened, how the apocalypse came to be, everyone is gone. Everyone I knew or cared about. Just. Vanished. And I may never know what happened to them.¡¯ She took a deep, gasping breath, her eyes glazed as her third eyelid held back her tears.


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    Alene sat quietly, not wanting to interrupt this private moment she was privy to. She had never heard Sym¡¯s sadness before, just her rage. It was much more vulnerable than she was used to seeing the other girl. She wondered if Sym had fully processed her emotions, had been able to move from anger to sadness or acceptance. Was she one of those people that needed someone to talk through their feelings with? She felt saddened all over again for the other girl''s loss. She was struck suddenly that while they had both been alone this whole time, that Sym had been experiencing for much longer the sense of loss she had experienced when Ceit had left - the loss of knowing exactly what was missing when without companionship. Her heart went out to the other girl. Sym sniffled, wiping her face with the back of her hand roughly, grumpily huffing away the rest of her tears.


    Alene remembered Ceit had talked about something similar, a god-king that grew a demi-tree army. And the old story was based in fact. She shuddered, an entire army of gods, no matter their godly designation, demi or not, was not something that should exist. It was too dangerous, too volatile, too much power for one already powerful being to have. And apparently too much to contain. And he sought to wage a holy war on the other gods? What could have prompted him to take such radical action? Was Alene¡¯s mother one of the gods he intended to eradicate? Alene couldn¡¯t think of anything her mother could have done to warrant such a fate - even her mistreatment of Sym seemed insufficient to permiss that response. What had happened to that god, Alene wondered, idly. Had he been defeated? It seemed unlikely that such a driven being would succumb to the cradle of eversleep no matter its allure. Perhaps he had been destroyed in the backlash. Though it must have been some explosion to take out a god.


    They sat in silence for a while, before Sym, seemingly realizing she still had a visitor, slapped her tail against the water and sat up. ¡®So anyway, there wasn¡¯t a swamp here in the city before, ergo, something created it - some sort of godseed explosion from the catacombs like the one that ended the zombie-king¡¯s army. And that something must have destroyed the city, like it did before.¡¯ It wasn''t the most compelling hypothesis, and Alene privately felt there were some serious assumptions requiring quite the suspension of disbelief, and several big logical leaps of faith, but Sym said it with such confidence Alene found herself nodding along.


    Alene sat up as well, crossing her legs once more to face Sym, leaning back on her palms to better look at Sym. ¡®What is godseed? You said it a couple times, like you thought I should know what it was.¡¯ Sym looked at her, slightly surprised. ¡®I forgot you wouldn¡¯t know. It¡¯s so weird to be telling a god this. It¡¯s like, one of the things that makes a god. You have to have godseed to become one. I¡¯m not really sure what it is or what it''s made of, but the one I saw was a sort of crystal, it sort of looked like a really glittery, glowy geode. I¡¯m sure Mother could tell you. I¡¯m surprised she didn¡¯t, actually.¡¯ Alene smiled, a little rueful, ¡®as you said, she¡¯s not much of a conversationalist.¡¯ Sym barked out a laugh.

 Arc 2, Chapter 6: Devotion

    Alene returned to her mother¡¯s glade, eager to retrieve more of her memories. She paused at the altar of salt this time, seeing it anew now that she had some context. Before the human¡¯s devotion to her, they had worshiped her mother. Or at least prayed for her mother¡¯s benevolence in leaving their city safe from her animosity.


    The holy would cross the sandbar at low tide, cloaked in brine soaked cloth. This was the only layer of protection offered to those visiting the forest. Such a small barrier against the will of a god, it seemed so¡­insufficient. And those that were sacrificed had to walk past the altar of salt, leaving their last human raiment behind, clothed now in the cloth of the dead, already, while still living. Had to step into their death, not just a single step, but an entire pathway of them, remaining firm in their decision with each excruciating step, a path of red footsteps marking their way through the silent forest. It must have been so ominous to those in the sacrifice¡¯s procession, seeing those red footsteps leading into the dark, the white figure, clothed in a sheer shroud with their crown of white chrysanthemums or lilies on their heads, disappearing, claimed by the hazy shadows.


    As a human, all life seemed sacred to her, it was short and should be treated as precious, human or otherwise. Many humans in her city made the choice to abstain from meat entirely, unwilling to end life even for their own personal benefit, to their lives¡¯ detriment, even. But she was not a human, she reminded herself. It was still hard to accept that she was a god. Una was a god, clearly from her memories, but Alene¡­was just a lonely ghost, she decided. Still uncertain of her place in the world.


    She walked along the forest path, passing beneath a clutch of giant begonia and amanita mushrooms. What must the sacrificed have thought, passing through such an other worldly place, drawing their last breaths, the toxicity of her mother¡¯s slime burning them, decomposing them. They must be so afraid, feel so very small amongst the monstrous flora, she thought, a very human feeling of compassion welling in her chest at the past pains that must have taken place here. It seemed an island out of time, out of phase with the rest of the world, exempt from its morals, its values. Outside was a booming metropolis, the fast paced life of the living, in here was the slow steady hum of the eternal.


    She arrived at the glade, the soft blue glow of the pond greeting her through the trees. ¡®Daughter,¡¯ her mother hummed a greeting, her voice warm and full of affection, the sound of it filling the clearing. Alene hugged her mother in response. Despite the strange sensation of her mother¡¯s glutinous skin on hers, it felt good to hug someone. She missed Ceit, wondered where her travels had taken her so far.


    Alene lay back on the bank of the pond once more, reclining on a springy moss bed, small white flowers interspersed. Her mother lolled in a relaxed manner next to her, half in and half out of her pond, wisteria garlands trailing in the tranquil water. She hummed deeply, directing the resonance towards Alene, building to the exact frequency that had been so successful last time.


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    This time Alene was pulled directly into the memory the moment her eyes closed. The dark of the back of her eyelids spun into a conversation she was having with her mother, one that her mother hadn¡¯t yet shown her. ¡®...I won¡¯t be back for a while, Mother, I want to live among them for a time, they¡¯re such a confusing species, full of such surprising contradictions.¡¯ Presumably Una was speaking about her decision to walk among the humans, Alene thought, viewing the scene from behind Una¡¯s eyes. Her mother looked wary, or as wary as a snail could look, antennae waving in agitation. ¡®But loveling, they¡¯ve been neglecting you and your altars for decades, is it so wise to travel among such a fickle kind of being?¡¯ Alene could feel the muscles on her face forming a smile, though she couldn¡¯t tell what sort of a smile it was. ¡®What could they possibly do to me?¡¯ Arrogant, Alene thought, briefly, the thought escaping her as soon as it formed.


    The scene whirled away, a new one forming, in the foyer of a house very similar to the one with the greenhouse that Alene¡¯s cat had taken her to. A polished looking woman in a cream pantsuit, a gold wrist watch glinting from a delicate but strong looking wrist, with her hair a long mane of wild dark curls, stood before her, a sly smile on her lips. A mass of shadowy hands on long spindly arms reaching out towards Alene, emerging from the woman¡¯s own shadow, thrown dramatically, backlit from behind the woman. ¡®Ah, so you¡¯re Una. Hiru has told me so much about you.¡¯ Veridia, Alene thought, Hiru¡¯s mother, and according to Sym¡¯s stories, the woman who would be a god. A flash of fear for Una went through her. Though Una would have been older, more in control of her godly abilities, this woman, Veridia, had a drive, a very human viciousness she wasn¡¯t sure Una could match.


    The arms made contact with Una¡¯s shadow, gripping it tightly, pulling her in. With a pop of displaced space, Una transformed into a kestrel, struggling to break free of the shadowy appendages. With a sharp sweeping motion of her wings, a blade of wind sliced right through one of the shadows, drawing a pained shriek from Veridia. The arms retracted, reforming along the normal lines of the shadow. Veridia gracefully sank down in a stuffed chair nearby, her pantsuit wrinkling slightly with the action, gold wrist watch twinkling as her elbows propped on her knees and fingers steepled in front of her, eyes sharp, before breaking out into a well practiced smile. ¡®I apologize, I had to see for myself.¡¯ She had the tone of someone who hadn¡¯t apologized before and didn¡¯t care for doing so now. The sly smile returned, ¡®but we have so much to talk about.¡¯ She had talked with Veridia? Had she known of Veridia¡¯s plans for godseed, for the future of the city before they had come to fruition? Had she tried to stop her or help her?


    A new image of a sterile lab took over, sleek polished steel with pristine white walls. Strange medical instruments, reagents, and test tube samples lined one wall, labeled meticulously in fine tipped pen and organized neatly on a black topped workbench. A pink haired girl was strapped to a table with thick leathers around her extremities, her curly hair wild, tangled from her previous struggles, her eyes closed in sleep, tear tracts lining her cheeks. ¡®Iseult!¡¯ Sym rushed towards the girl from beside Alene, a tall boy with a face very similar to the comatose girl looked on, eyes wide in horror, from behind her.


    Alene was glad to finally see Sym, but not like this, she thought, terrified of what came next in the memory. Nothing good, she was certain. Sym and the tall boy worked quickly to unbuckle the unconscious girl, Sym slapping her cheek roughly, trying to wake her. A man walked in, an older version of the tall boy. ¡®Mnomo, stop!¡¯ he said, grabbing Sym by her long hair and wrenching her against a wall, where she crumpled, still. ¡®It has to be this way, it has to be a kin sacrifice!¡¯ He shouted desperately, pushing his son away with more care than he had Sym. ¡®And I¡­it couldn¡¯t be you!¡¯ Unlike his daughter, he had no tears on his, only determination. The tall boy, Mnomo, shook his head silently, eyes watery but firm. The man¡¯s face hardened at the refusal. He raised a crystal dagger, glinting prettily with some sort of script in the harsh fluorescent light, slitting his daughter¡¯s throat, wetting it with her too bright blood before stabbing the dagger into his own heart. Mnomo screamed.

 Arc 2, Chapter 7: Fatality

    Alene¡¯s heart was still racing from what she had seen when she arrived at the next vision. This one was in stark contrast with the ones before, a serene field, long blue feathery grasses blowing softly in a warm night breeze as fireflies blinked asynchronously among the wafting blades, the soft trill of crickets chirping, and the two moons high above, visible through the planet¡¯s rings. With a start Alene realized that sitting next to Una was a massive, blue, six legged wolf, lupus flowers braided amongst his shaggy coat. Another god, she thought with awe. Tva, her memory whispered, a sliver of Una¡¯s thoughts lingering in the memory. ¡®They outgrew me.¡¯ He sighed, tilting his head so his two sets of mournful golden eyes, silvery in the moonlight, could meet Una¡¯s. ¡®I loved them, but sometimes that isn¡¯t enough.¡¯ He turned back away with another sigh.


    This vision was sharper than the others, despite the softening effect of nighttime, blurring the great wolf¡¯s outline into an indigo haze. He shifted, his blue fur coarse against her skin as they sat side by side, watching the flickering firefly lights blink lazily in the humid air. ¡®Despite how we may love them, despite the attention, the protection we might offer them, sometimes our devotees are better off without our affections. We are mighty, and depending on us can weaken them to the surrounding perils.¡¯ The wolf turned to her, his eyes full of anguish, ¡®and when we don¡¯t meet their expectations, we will be the ones at fault. It is a great and weighty burden to take on oneself.¡¯


    The vision faded and another took its place. She was before the woman with the wild dark curls and the shadow hands once more, Hiru¡¯s mother, Veridia, the memory whispered to her. Veridia was standing with her back to Una, hands folded behind her as she looked out a floor length window, the hazy sunset outlining her silhouette in golds, her shadows stretched out behind her, twitching eerily on the floor behind. Veridia turned, Una could just make out her wary expression against the sun¡¯s glare. ¡®I accept.¡¯ Veridia said. Her shadows reached for Una, and this time she didn¡¯t flinch, let them grasp her, willingly letting them take her, tearing her compliant body apart with brutal wrenching movements, like a cruel child tearing the wings off of a butterfly, all curious excitement, but lacking the understanding to the extent of the ramifications of their actions.


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    Alene woke with a start, breathing heavily, the pain of the vision lingering. She grasped her limbs, relieved to find them still attached, rather than wrenched off and bleeding on the floor, godly ichor splattered around her. Why had she done that? Let Veridia have her? Let her disassemble her, kill her?! From her first vision of Veridia, where she had revealed her godly nature to the woman, it appeared that Veridia had already attained some sort of godly nature of her own, though it hadn¡¯t felt like she was a full god, likely the result of her experiments with the godseed from the catacombs, if Sym was to be believed. Why would she give her more power?


    Every answer she found just created more questions. She could feel her actions had something to do with her vision of the old wolf god, a puzzle, where the pieces were all there, fit together even, but the greater picture was not yet in focus. Her breath slowed, and she looked up at her concerned mother. ¡®I¡¯m alright,¡¯ she assured her, ¡®I¡¯m alright. Just¡­it was a lot, that time.¡¯ Her mother hummed softly, soothingly, stroking Alene¡¯s hair with her antennae. She allowed herself her mother¡¯s comfort, though her thoughts were racing. She should talk to Sym. Maybe they could figure out some of these questions together, though she was apprehensive about telling her that Una had sacrificed herself to Veridia¡¯s machinations.


    Sym sighed, when she told her, both of Veridia, and her other visions. ¡®Oh Una, you really mucked this up. Veridia was¡­compelling. She did care about the city, in her own, twisted sort of way. She wasn¡¯t all bad. I could see her convincing you that your death would help, would be meaningful. That you would be empowering humanity. That she wouldn¡¯t fall to the same fate as the zombie-king¡¯ Sym made a face, looking away, the words coming more slowly. ¡®And after Iseult, you sort of¡­you were different.¡¯ She took a deep steadying breath. It occurred to Alene that it must be hard, talking about what had happened to her friend. She felt the sting of guilt, Sym hadn¡¯t brought it up before, she must have not wanted to talk about it, and now Alene was forcing her into something she didn¡¯t want, once again.


    ¡®I don¡¯t think you had really cared about human¡¯s lives before. You still had the mindset of a god. You didn¡¯t really understand how needlessly cruel humans could be to each other. It was soon after that that you tricked me into my transformation. I think¡­I think you thought that you were fixing things, somehow. That giving me more power would protect me.¡¯ She paused, before continuing, her voice small. ¡®I don¡¯t hold it against you, anymore. It¡¯s been a while since I have. If you want, I can call you Alene now.¡¯ Alene smiled softly. ¡®I¡¯d really like that.¡¯

 Arc 3: Old gods, Chapter 1: Anemoia

    She mulled what Sym had told her as she walked back to her godcorpse home. So she had given up her life to Veridia as her last sacrifice for the city, to prove her devotion to them in the way that they needed rather than her own interpretation, as she had done to Sym. Had she felt ashamed after her actions with Sym, had she been trying to right her misstep, somehow? She wondered what the six legged wolf god would have made of her choice, if he had known what decision his story had led her to make. He had chosen never to take devotees again, feeling himself to be undeserving of being a god to any people, but she had chosen instead to dedicate her body to them. Would he have approved? Did she want the approval of such a god?


    She wondered what had happened to Iseult¡¯s father. Was he a god now, the vision had been so short she wasn¡¯t sure what had happened next. From her memories, she and Sym had pieced together that it took godseed and kin sacrifice to make a god, something that had caused Sym to look at her hard. She had explained her visions of her bird childhood but Sym had only been slightly mollified, the disgust still somewhat residuary on her face. And Alene couldn¡¯t blame her, the process for becoming a god was sadistic and brutal. She wondered if her mother had gone through something similar. Was it somehow different if she didn¡¯t do it intentionally? As a human it was an unthinkable evil, but as an animal, as a bird? As far as she knew humans¡¯ didn¡¯t hold animals to the same standards as those beings with higher levels of consciousness and cognizance.


    Sym had speculated that Veridia¡¯s lack of godhood spoke to her unwillingness to sacrifice Hiru, that despite her actions she still held some things sacred. Remembering the feeling of being torn apart by her shadows, Alene found it hard to agree that the woman had any softness inside her. Sym seemed to have a lingering respect for the woman, despite the increasing likelihood of her being directly responsible for a god-apocalypse.


    They still hadn¡¯t determined how the city had been ruined, where the people had gone, how her body had ended up spread across the metropolis, though Sym and Alene both agreed that Veridia¡¯s experimentations with godseed must be at the crux of it. How useless her sacrifice had ended up being, Alene thought, ruefully. And now she was dead. A wandering ghost, tethered to a city that hadn¡¯t needed her in life. What should she do now? Did she have to solve the entirety of the mystery of her death in order to move on? If she didn''t, would she be stuck as a ghost forever, until the city decomposed around her and only she was left to remember them? Sym would remember too, she comforted herself, trying to ease her morose musings, slightly ashamed at just how comforting the thought was. Sym cared about her now, had said as much to her.


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    She still felt guilty for what she had done to Sym, but the guilt now had another dimension, one she couldn¡¯t share with Sym at risk of endangering their newfound friendship. She was secretly, selfishly glad she had changed Sym, had saved her from the apocalypse, however appalling her methods had been. She couldn¡¯t imagine how her existence would have played out without someone to talk to after Ceit left. After she had known what it was to truly be alone.


    As she entered the skull, her broken corpse from when she was Una, ascending its beak to enter through one of its eyes, climbing over the sclerotic rings she saw her cat waiting for her, a dark shadow against the white of the bone. ¡®Where have you been?!¡¯ she exclaimed, crouching down to pet him. He pushed his head up into her ghostly hand, purring happily in greeting.


    He dropped something at her feet, nosing it towards her. ¡®What is this? Did you bring me a gift?¡¯ He hadn¡¯t done that before, though Alene was fairly certain it was within a cat¡¯s normal behavior. Alene picked up the object, a small opalized crab with a blue sheen, its claws cracking in miniature menace at her. The crab¡¯s tiny mouth moved, ¡®don¡¯t eat me!¡¯ it squeaked out, voice bubbly. Alene dropped it in surprise, the crab landing on the floor of the skull with a clack. The crab¡¯s shell cracked open, a small human emerging, growing in size to become a young child. The young boy stood before her, periwinkle blue haired with luminous eyes and fragile near transparent fins along his neck, gills fluttering in agitation, perch orange, in contrast with his hair. ¡®Please don¡¯t eat me, I don¡¯t want to die!¡¯ Bubbles erupted from his mouth as he spoke, popping softly over his head. A single tear slid down his baby round cheek, taking the form of a watery flying fish and fluttering away. He was possibly the cutest thing Alene had ever seen.


    ¡®Where did you come from?¡¯ Alene asked him, startled by the appearance of what was apparently yet another god, this one significantly younger than either her mother or the wolf in her memories. She crouched down to meet his eyes, her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. ¡®I was kidnapped,¡¯ the little boy pointed his finger at her cat who was licking his paw without a care in the world to Alene¡¯s world being rocked once again,¡®by Novem godeater!¡¯

 Arc 3, Chapter 2: Godeater

    Her cat was nonplussed, looking down his nose at the young god, his red eyes scornful. Novem godeater. She had heard that name before. Ceit, right, Ceit had mentioned him as one way for a god to die, that they could be eaten by the godeater, Novem. Was this little boy telling the truth? Could her cat be the godeater? ¡®Novem?¡¯ she tried, looking at the cat, uncertain how she would discern the veracity of the boy¡¯s claim, ¡®is that your name?¡¯ The cat sniffed at her snottily. ¡®Of course it¡¯s my name, silly girl.¡¯ Alene gaped.


    ¡®...And you didn¡¯t think to tell me?¡¯ squeaked, finally managing to make her tongue work again, trying her best not to let her shock obstruct her ability to speak. Instead of responding the cat returned to licking his paw, giving it his full attention instead. That was fully in character for him, Alene thought, getting her grounding. At least some things hadn¡¯t changed. ¡®Why did you bring me this little boy?¡¯ She asked, gesturing to the child. The little boy in question was wiping away fishy tears with a messy palm, looking up at her with round, sad eyes. ¡®Viisvang!¡¯ the little boy cried, his nose running, ¡®my name is Viisvang!¡¯ he gave a big hiccup before pouting, cheeks pink, flushed from his tears. Novem scoffed, ignoring Viisvang, ¡®that¡¯s not a boy, that¡¯s a god, he¡¯s not human, and neither are you¡¯ he said derisively. He put down his paw, staring her intently in the eyes. ¡®I brought him for you to eat. You need your strength back.¡¯ The boy burst into tears, a whole school of flying fish circling his head as he sobbed. Novem¡¯s ear twitched in annoyance.


    Alene looked at Novem, shocked once again. ¡®You want me¡­to eat a little baby god.¡¯ Novem nodded, still holding her gaze, his eyes intense and firm, without any hint of joking. ¡®You need to regain your strength,¡¯ he repeated, haltingly like she was slow and he had to spell it out for her. ¡®Right now you are just a soul shard, to reform your body you need to regain some of your godly power, you need to eat some godseed - god flesh. Now, eat up. Crab meat is delicious.¡¯ He nudged her hand towards the fish god.


    ¡®Wait, I¡¯m a ghost, not a, a soul shard.¡¯ Novem rolled his eyes, ¡®what do you think a ghost is? Just an impression of the soul on space, out of phase with our dimension. God¡¯s ghosts are different from mortal¡¯s, we can recover, can recondense, can rend ourselves back into this dimension, the dimension of the living.¡¯ Alene looked at him askance. ¡®How do you know that?¡¯ Novem, raised his nose in the air, looking especially proud, ¡®I am, Novem souleater after all, the expert in gods¡¯ deaths.¡¯ He lay down, his paws crossed in front of him comfortably. ¡®Now, I¡¯m not going to do everything for you, you have to kill him yourself, you have to want to recover or it''s not going to work.¡¯


    Alene looked at the baby god. He looked back up at her, eyes wide, fearful of her decision. Did she want to recover her godhood, if this was the price? She had killed her own siblings as a baby bird, was this so different? She hadn¡¯t meant to them then, hadn¡¯t even known she had done it, but she had benefited nonetheless.


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    Godly morals seemed to be centered around reciprocity, an even exchange. Her earthly bird family as the price for her eternity as a god. She hadn¡¯t even been aware of what she had lost then, had gained godhood without any mental anguish on her part. Perhaps this was fate. A delayed exchange that she had to make for the price of her godhood, if dampened somewhat by the lack of familial bonds.


    As a human this would be inconceivable. Life was sacred, short and precious. But she wasn¡¯t a human. She was a god. And so was he. And from her recovered memories, even humans would commit atrocities if they thought they could benefit, frequently did, in fact. Did she want to be that sort of person, that sort of god?


    What was the alternative? Staying as a ghost, doomed to wander the city until it completely rotted away, leaving her trapped. And what would Sym think of her if she chose to kill the little god, they had only just become friends again, she had been so disgusted upon finding out the way gods were made, and this was just the logical extension of that process. She didn¡¯t want to motivate this choice by fear of the alternative, however. It felt cowardly.


    Humans were social creatures, and much of their morality was a direct result of that fact. They had strict taboos and rules governing their social actions, maintaining their social order, otherwise their society would collapse. Gods were more solitary. They still socialized, but their social structure was very different, a subtle edge of competition between them, as she had gleaned, from her mother¡¯s vague references to their gatherings. Her mother hadn¡¯t been magnifying the dangers of inviting Noctua to locate her via dreams, his assistance might have just as easily turned out to be a liability.


    Was this what it was like as a god, untethered by humans¡¯ morality, required to construct their own rules of behavior? She didn¡¯t feel equipped for this, wasn¡¯t ready to make this decision. But she couldn¡¯t just put it off. She either had to choose to kill the baby god or not. Maybe it was better that he was so young, that he hadn¡¯t experienced so much that he knew what he would be missing out on by dying. It would be crueler to take the life from an older god, she rationalized, one that had lived a rich full life, had developed into a full being, she would be destroying so much more life if it was older. But he was young, just a baby, if she ate him she would be only snuffing out a little bit of life. She wasn¡¯t sure she adhered to this set of moral rules, if she really believed in the choice she was about to make, but she wanted this. Wanted to be a god, to recondense and live again. She didn¡¯t want to make a decision that would effectively kill herself again. One suicide was enough, she decided, no matter how indirect this one was. A choice to not take action was still a choice.


    She reached for his necklace, where the small opalized crab hung around the boy¡¯s neck, the imprint of the small boy''s face impressed on the back of the shell in reverse, as if it had been compressed into the hull of the shell with an intense pressure, a coin with the inverse of the print dangled next to it, a hole through it, ancient script for five of some currency inscribed. He whimpered, fearful, cowering back. She lifted the crab to her mouth. She wasn¡¯t a human, she was a god, Avis, she repeated to herself, not governed by the rules of men. She was Alene that was also Una. She bit down with a crunch.

 Arc 3, Chapter 3: Aporia

    Crab meat was delicious, she thought with a grimace. It felt wrong to enjoy eating the little god. As his opal shell dissolved in her body, giving her form more opacity, more defined edges, less light passing through, the body of the little god faded away, his big hiccuping sobs releasing bubbles with each breath, the sound of them fading as if through soft cotton, leaving only a school of his tears, the flying fish confusedly circling where his body had been. At least it hadn¡¯t seemed painful, she thought with regret.


    With the last of the godseed that had been in his shell absorbed into her person, her form had acquired almost complete solidity, just the barest hint of light passing through. ¡®Why am I still ghostly?¡¯ she asked Novem, holding up a hand to the light. He rested his head on his paws, looking bored. ¡®Your soul is still incomplete, you¡¯ll have to find the rest of it. It¡¯s probably still attached to your original godseed.¡¯ Alene looked at him exasperated. ¡®You wouldn¡¯t happen to know where that is, would you.¡¯ He shrugged. Alene grumbled under her breath. Stupid godeater.


    ¡®Wait, why did the little god disappear, why wouldn¡¯t he be a ghost too?¡¯ Novem cocked his head at her. ¡®You ate him. All of him, his body, his godseed, his soul. There is nothing left, he is completely wiped out.¡¯ Alene felt a pang of guilt. She had known what she was doing, had accepted that she was killing him, snuffing out his life, but she hadn¡¯t fully realized that she would be eliminating him from all of existence. She took a deep breath. She had chosen this. Chosen to survive, at the cost of another god¡¯s life. She wasn¡¯t human, she was a god and the rules of gods were different from the rules of men.


    ¡®Why are you helping me?¡¯ Novem was clearly a capable god, a predator of predators. Why would he be assisting an incapacitate god like her, she should be easy pickings for him. Novem paused, his tail flicking behind him as he contemplated his answer ¡®when I met you, I had just come out of a very traumatic experience. You reminded me of myself, just as fragmented. I had just resolved not to hunt needlessly, and was looking to do something meaningful, something constructive. I guess you are my charity project¡¯ he said with a cat-smile. Alene wasn¡¯t sure what to make of that. It felt a bit patronizing, but at the same time she clearly needed his help. ¡®...I suppose when you¡¯re stronger you might be a worthy prey.¡¯ Novem finished, looking at her appraisingly. She repressed a shudder.


    Where was she supposed to find her remaining soul shard, she thought later, laying on her back on the top of the skull, looking up at the stars. She supposed wasn¡¯t exactly sure how she would recognize it, Novem had not been forthcoming, just stated that she was supposed to be whole and would recognize it, feel some sort of magnetism towards it. Was there anywhere she felt that sort of feeling towards now? She had definitely felt the opposite of that feeling towards the swamp. Maybe that meant something? Maybe she should permit Sym to try traveling deeper into the depths of the swamp. Not pushing herself too hard, just a little deeper than she had already explored. She refused to be complicit in Sym¡¯s death, had already accepted the death of one being on her head.


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    She wondered about the little god¡¯s life. Was there someone out there missing him? The thought made her heart hurt and her stomach churn with guilt. She had killed someone. She had chosen to take the life of another being. Had chosen to be selfish, to make a decision as a god, rather than a human or a ghost. Would she have made the same choice, back when she was Una?


    From her memories she had seemed fascinated but mostly uncomprehending of humans, their values and taboos incomprehensible to her. But after she had walked among them, what about then? The experience with Iseult had clearly changed her. Had led her to changing Sym. From her exchange with the wolf god and her surrender to Veridia in her memories, she had clearly cared deeply for the humans, had been willing to give up her life for them, to give up on what she thought was best for them and listen to their will. She still hadn¡¯t really understood humans, but had been willing to let them choose what was best for themselves without her guidance. She had still been at her core, a god. But would she have eaten another god? It was hard to say.


    She ran her hand along the smooth bone, feeling the groves under her newly condensed fingers. Things felt different with a tangible body. Her skin was more sensitive, she could feel detail so much more acutely. And the temperatures now affected her. She was glad the roof of her skull home was intact, she wasn¡¯t sure how rain would feel, but assumed she would appreciate being able to avoid it, based on her discomfort with it as a ghost. She could eat now too. She didn¡¯t seem to need to, had mostly forgotten about it, but seeing some of her berries drying out in the sun had reminded her to try. She had promptly gone to the fruit kiosk and gathered as much fruit as she could carry. They were all so good, but her favorite was by far the mangos. They tasted like pure sunlight.


    It had been a nice distraction from the task at hand. She needed to visit Sym, to talk to her about finding her remaining soul, but to do so would require her to have a conversation about how her corporeality came to be, and she wasn¡¯t sure how Sym would react. She was still so human, despite her acolytehood, still held onto her human morals and values, viewed so many of gods¡¯ actions through the lens of her humanity. She looked back up at the stars, tracing the constellation Xi with her eyes. Where was Ceit right now? Would she also think Alene was abhorrent for eating a god? She missed her. It was funny how someone she had only met for a couple days could have such an effect on her. Maybe she had just imprinted on the first human she had seen, like a chick, but it felt like so much more than that. Ceit had been¡­they had just fit. So perfectly.

 Arc 3, Chapter 4: Into the depths

    ¡®So you ate him?¡¯ Sym was stone faced, Alene couldn¡¯t figure out what she was thinking at all. It was disturbing. ¡®Are you¡­disgusted?¡¯ Alene asked, hesitantly, eyes on the ground in front of her, unwilling to look at Sym¡¯s face while she decided her verdict. She expected Sym to yell at her, tell her she repulsed her, that she never wanted to see Alene again. That she was Una after all.


    Sym was quiet, Alene peeked at her from under newly manifested eyelashes, opal blue as the crab¡¯s shell had been, glittering with opal sheen as they refracted the sunlight. ¡®It is disgusting¡­but I kind of get it. Gods are different from humans.¡¯ She sighed, flipping her long hair over her shoulder, making a wet sound as it hit the water before spreading out like ink once again. ¡®I don¡¯t understand it, but that doesn¡¯t mean I can¡¯t recognize that human¡¯s rules may not apply. It¡¯s just¡­hard. Not to see the world through the lens of the values I¡¯ve grown up with.¡¯ Alene nodded, just grateful Sym wasn¡¯t disgusted enough to sever the delicate threads of their newly formed friendship. She wondered if Sym¡¯s loneliness played a part in her willingness to overlook Alene¡¯s decision. The thought made her cringe, opening a well of insecurities.


    ¡®Your new body is very pretty,¡¯ Sym said, changing the mood with a half-smile. ¡®I really like your hair a lot,¡¯ she picked up a strand, letting the silky opal blue locks run through her fingers. Alene preened, twirling so that it swirled around her.


    They had walked around the swamp, Sym materializing her legs so they could walk together, trying to find an area where Alene¡¯s feelings of unease peaked. ¡®Do you even need to breathe?¡¯ Sym asked, as she huffed from the effort of walking in the thick waters, disgruntled by Alene¡¯s unruffled demeanor. Alene paused. Did she need to breathe? She had been scared of losing herself in the mud before, disintegrate and never being able to reconstitute. But as a mostly god, did she need to breathe? It was certainly more comfortable, as she tested it out. But once she got past the stale feeling in her body, she could resist.


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    What about breathing water, if she accidentally lost her focus? She crouched down, the waters just rising above her nose, and breathed deeply. Sputtering, she stood up. That was terribly uncomfortable. She probably could manage, but she wouldn¡¯t enjoy it. Sym was looking at her, mouth agape. ¡®What sort of god was it you ate?¡¯ she exclaimed, tracing a line down Alene¡¯s neck, ¡®I think you¡¯ve sprouted gills! Now we can go together!¡¯


    They had been swimming for a while, deciding that swimming was easier than walking. After several hours they determined that Alene¡¯s general discomfort with the swamp didn¡¯t seem to be changing during their traversal, they decided instead that perhaps down was the best direction. They began their descent into the depths of the swamp, only to realize how very deep the swamp was. Much of the vegetation appeared to be growing on the roofs of the section of the city that had sunken, the water getting darker but clearer as they went further down, the plant debris mostly trapped in the vegetation above.


    It was as if this entire area had separated from the rest of the city along a fault line, sinking down, the vegetation on top just hinting at the shape of the city below, that had sunk beneath the surface but was still remarkably intact. Sym and Alene swam deeper still, all the way to where skyscrapers met what was once the ground, broken now with even deeper caverns visible through the cracks, dark shadowy openings in the rock. ¡®The catacombs,¡¯ Sym mouthed, pointing down at them, bubbles rising from her mouth as they took a break, Alene passing her a large bubble of oxygen she had created for Sym to breathe, to give her gills a break. The scene on the bottom was not dissimilar to that above, with discarded vehicles lining the streets and the general mayhem of demolished city blocks.


    A strange luminescence was visible, coming from somewhere amongst the wreckage, rather than from above, as they explored the ruins. Sym¡¯s silver fishtail glittered in the golden glow as she swam towards the light, Alene following behind her, kicking her newly finned legs, the diaphanous lace of the membrane writhing behind her, as she worked hard to keep up. As they approached the light intensified, until a glowing neon sign was before them, lighting up the waters in brilliant gold, Miss Fortune, it read, in twinkling text. The doors opened as they arrived, a cascade of bubbles rushing out from behind them. Alene looked at Sym, uncertain, not wanting to push her into anything, but Sym headed in resolutely, a firm expression fixed on her face.

 Arc 3, Chapter 5: Catalyst

    They approached a sort of bubble-like film with a glimmering oil like sheen under the gold lights. On one side was the water, dark and foreboding, and the other side there simply wasn¡¯t, but rather, an ornate looking room visible past the barrier. Sym stepped through, gracefully reforming legs as she reached the boundary, placing a dainty foot onto the newly formed ground with grace. Water dripped from them as they stood in what was clearly a lobby, soft red patterned carpets under their feet. A man appeared, tall and slender dressed formally with a set of fluffy white hotel towels over his arm. They took the offered cloth, bemused. He bowed, his arm opening to guide them towards the direction he wished them to take. Sym and Alene looked at one another, before stepping in the direction he had indicated.


    They followed behind, his steps quick and sure as he made his way through the foyer through another set of double doors, pushing them open as if to announce their arrival to the room behind. ¡®Welcome, to the Miss Fortune casino,¡¯ he said, his voice coming from behind them as they walked through.


    Music greeted them, dreamy and complex, strange looking beings milling about, playing the games available. Slots with brightly colored lights, releasing ghostly apparitions of underwater creatures, eaten by the players when won, round roulette tables with colors spinning that she didn¡¯t have a name for, stacks of coins of all shapes and sizes being bet, coins with holes through them, coins in the shapes of hammer-flattened stars or strange dodecahedrons, tesseracting in and out like a breath as they folded over themselves in space.


    And the card games. Mysterious looking gold edged decks with arcane symbols on them, glimmering with subtle power as the beings assessed them, exchanging all sorts of treasure in the center of the tables. But it wasn¡¯t the games that held Alene¡¯s attention, it was the players.


    Massive misshapen creatures, vaguely similar to many fauna in appearance, but different, cabalistic and incomprehensible in shape. A being made of something almost too hot to look at walked past, magenta flames in their wake, a glass of what looked like tortoise shell smoking in their hand. A mushroom-like being, dragging trailings of fluorescing mycelium behind them ambled by to sit in front of the slots. A large toad with brightly colored gems emerging from warts on its back and bulging hypnotic orange and yellow streaked eyes blinked beadily at one card table, its webbed fingers deftly holding the cards close to its face. A stag with a magnificent rack of antlers, spider webbing woven between them, and a spider mandible of his own talked with a curvy woman in a beaded pearl dress, burial wrappings obscuring all but her red glistening lips and fierce flashing golden eyes.


    Her eyes swept to appraise the new arrivals, her red lips spreading in a devious smile. She excused herself from her companion, approaching the newcomers. ¡®Welcome to my casino, the lavish Miss Fortune!¡¯ she spread her arms widely, gesturing to the room, the pale pearl beads on the fringe of her dress clinking as she did so, a delicate incense scent wafting with her motions. ¡®Might I offer you a drink,¡¯ she said, turning and snapping her fingers. Another formally garbed attendant materialized beside her, a tray of assorted beverages balanced on it. Alene politely took one of the presented drinks, a purple concoction that looked more gaseous than liquid as it swirled in the cut crystal glass, with a fish skeleton made of spun sugar on the rim, but Sym just narrowed her eyes. ¡®Who are you?¡¯ she asked, aggressive. The woman turned to her, head tilted and golden eyes narrowing slightly. ¡®Surely you have heard of the goddess of luck?¡¯


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    Sym¡¯s mouth went slack, lips parted in surprise. ¡®You¡¯re Ketsuri?¡¯ She managed, after a moment, a strange expression on her face. The woman''s smile went wide, stretching the bandages on her face ¡®but of course! You are blessed by the lady of luck, in the flesh!¡¯ she said in a sing-song voice, gesturing to herself with showmanship like extravagance. ¡®Now! Which of my entertainments can I entice you with first?¡¯ Sym looked at her, eyes flinty, ¡®which are you playing?¡¯ Ketsuri looked at her sharply, a crease between her eyebrows followed by dawning recognition. ¡®...you¡¯re that human girl, the one that wrote me the note, aren''t you? Cute. And it looks like you found yourself a backer,¡¯ her eyes flickered to Alene. ¡¯It¡¯s been a while, Una, I almost didn¡¯t recognize you,¡¯ her eyes sweeping up and down Alene¡¯s new form while a cruel smile quirked her lush, blood red lips. This woman knew Una. That was a surprise. Alene wasn¡¯t quite sure how to proceed, it didn¡¯t sound like they had been friends, though the woman wasn¡¯t outright hostile, she did seem a bit slippery.


    ¡®I suppose I should apologize to you for last time. I didn¡¯t mean to take that much luck from you, and most definitely I didn¡¯t expect for it to have that much of an effect. I mean, you took the whole city out with you! And my poor casino. I do miss having the mortals come in,¡¯ she looked slyly at Sym, ¡®like your dear grandmother. She was such a devout worshiper at my temple.¡¯ Sym clenched her jaw, staring Ketsuri down with malice. Alene subtly lay a steadying hand on Sym¡¯s shoulder. Sym eyelashes fluttered as she took a slow breath through her nose while Ketsuri looked on with amusement, her lips quirked. She turned to Alene, ¡®...if you haven¡¯t come to play, what have you come for?¡¯ Alene paused. Should she tell Ketsuri she was looking for her soul, it seemed like a dangerous thing to reveal. But she had no other leads. And the search had led her here, perhaps that meant the soul shard was close. Or perhaps the aversion ment that Ketsuri was the most dangerous. Hmm. She was in the presence of the god of luck, perhaps it was time to take a risk.


    ¡®We¡¯re looking for something I¡¯ve lost,¡¯ she started, deciding to start vaguely in order to test Ketsuri¡¯s reaction. Ketsuri raised an eyebrow. ¡®Something you¡¯ve lost¡­¡¯ she said, leadingly. ¡®I, I¡¯ve lost a sliver of soul, I¡¯m trying to recover it.¡¯ She said in a single breath. Ketsuri laughed, a high bell-like sound, clear and lovely. ¡®Oh Una, aren¡¯t you just the unluckiest little thing? Well, I suppose that is my fault, just a little. I suppose I ought to help you recover it.¡¯ Alene looked at her, shocked. The woman had seemed so guileful, so underhanded, she was surprised she would be willing to help just like that. ¡®Oh don¡¯t look at me like that, I always pay my debts.¡¯ Ketsuri said, rolling her eyes. ¡®And¡­¡¯ she paused, carefully trying to sound nonchalant, ¡®you¡¯ll tell your mother? That I helped you?¡¯ She seemed to be taking a casual sip of her drink, but Alene could sense that the entirety of Ketsuri¡¯s attention was on her response. She nodded slowly, uncertain as to her mother¡¯s relation with this shifty trickster god. Ketsuri beamed, self-satisfied. It seemed the correct response.


    Ketsuri held out her bandage wrapped hand, forefinger hooking the air, plucking a golden thread out of the nothingness, holding it delicately, dewy beads of luck sliding along the string into Alene¡¯s chest. Another, fainter thread passed out her back, leading somewhere back past the double doors they had entered from. ¡®there!¡¯ Ketsuri said, ¡®follow the string and you¡¯ll find your shard. And I returned your luck, no need to thank me. We¡¯re even now.¡¯ With one last smirk at Sym, her eyes flickering to Sym¡¯s missing finger with a raised eyebrow, Ketsuri turned, her pearl dress tinkling softly behind her. A muscle in Sym¡¯s jaw flexed as she watched her leave with searing eyes.

 Arc 3, Chapter 6: Lucky

    Alene insisted on finishing her drink before they went, she needed the courage. And it was nice to be able to taste again. She was about to find her soul shard. She had been waiting for so long to be whole, to regain herself, now that it was actually within reach the idea of achieving her goal was almost too overwhelming. The anticipation was intense. She had no idea what to expect from the experience, whether it would feel like the awakening sensation of regaining her memories for the first time, or like the saturating feeling of gaining opacity from consuming the little fish god.


    She sipped the purple supercritical fluid, it tasted like sweet sugared violets and each sip gave her a subtle feeling of vertigo and a bubbly sense of contentment. Sym begrudgingly picked up a drink as well, a dark black shot that soaked up all the color around it, creating a sort of gray scale in its immediate vicinity. She made a gagging sound after she took it, ¡®blegh, licorice.¡¯ Clearly it was not as delicious as Alene¡¯s. She went back to glowering at every being in their immediate vicinity, her leg jittering on her stool, tracing the stub of her missing pinkie as she waited for Alene to finish hers.


    They walked among the casino guests, soaking up the fantastical scene around them, the bizarre beings and their bizarre games. It stoked a strange feeling in Alene, to be around so many gods and their entourages. A sort of greediness that she wasn¡¯t sure she liked in herself. Had she been comfortable here once, as Una? She wanted that back, to be comfortable in the godly world, now that she had committed to godhood. Wanted to have her place among them. It was rightfully hers as a goddess, right?


    Finally, she couldn¡¯t put off leaving anymore, Sym was starting to look at the doors impatiently, and Alene knew it was time to continue onward. She tipped back her head, drinking the last sip and set the empty crystal down on one of the attendant¡¯s platters.


    Walking back into the water through the barrier was an uncomfortable experience, Alene had gotten used to the warm air of the casino, and the cold water came as a shock. Sym seemed unbothered, easily slipping back into her tailed form and swimming off in the direction of the golden thread still emerging from Alene¡¯s chest, apparently eager to distance herself from Ketsuri¡¯s domain. The feeling of danger diminished as they sunk into the depths, apparently Ketsuri had been the source of the dangerous feeling she had felt, her position obscuring the subtle pull of the shard. Why had she not felt the same danger from Novem, as a god eater, surely he would be even more dangerous? Or maybe it was the collection of gods altogether, a feeling of their power that was prompting such a reaction. That seemed more likely.


    The thread led them deeper still, until its subtle gold gossamer light was the only thing visible, deep deep into the winding caves of the sunken catacombs. Alene worried anxiously about their ability to return, when she looked behind the darkness seemed impenetrable. Gradually the caves seemed to go more upward than down, caches of air available for Sym and Alene to take quick breaths before continuing onward. Eventually they surfaced in a cave entirely unsubmerged, Alene climbing gratefully from the cold water and Sym switching once again to legs.


    The cave was just as dark as the water, but Alene was glad to have earth under her feet again. The air was stale and dank, almost heavy in her newly formed lungs. It was¡­unpleasant, she decided. She much preferred the air back on the surface. From the light of the luck she could see the faint outlines of stalactites and stalagmites, flowstones, and ancient fossils of some great, long dead creatures. Gypsum flowers and cave pearls sprouted on the walls nearest her, and she carefully stepped on the rocky floor to get a closer look at them. They were beautiful, unlike anything she had seen on the surface, like a whole new, alien world that existed under her feet this whole time. Sym followed behind her, rubbing her arms, trying to regain some warmth. It was damp and cold this far underground.


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    ¡®Do you think the strand is getting brighter?¡¯ Sym asked after a couple minutes of walking, trekking along a rough narrow stony pathway. ¡®Maybe,¡¯ Alene replied, their whispers echoing strangely off the walls, ¡®though I think there might be some light coming from up ahead, the light is turning a sort of purple, not just the gold of the luck.¡¯


    Alene¡¯s observation was confirmed when they turned a corner, a smattering of luminous purple crystals, emerging from the walls, pulsing softly, asynchronously. ¡®I¡¯ve seen this before,¡¯ Sym said, after a moment, approaching one of the glowing stones, running a finger over its surface. ¡®It¡¯s godseed.¡¯ She looked at Alene, ¡®but¡­there is so much of it. It can¡¯t all be from the zombie-god, right? Does¡­does godseed grow?¡¯ she said with disquiet. Alene shook her head, shrugging. She wasn¡¯t sure what to make of it either. Would eating this also strengthen her? She wasn¡¯t sure she really wanted to try swallowing a rock, though. And from what Novem had told her, it was her own original godseed that she needed now, in order to regain herself.


    They continued onward, now easily able to make their way, though Sym swore that the luck thread was increasing in brightness as well, and Alene was inclined to agree. The beads of luck were becoming marginally more frequently now, though still highly interspersed. ¡®Do you¡­do you hear voices?¡¯ Sym asked after a time, slowing down to listen more carefully. Alene stopped, cocking an ear to the corridor, trying to hear what Sym was hearing. There was a slight cadence coming from somewhere ahead of them, a soft inflection of voices talking. She looked at Sym with wide eyes. Who could be down here? Was it another god? Or maybe¡­maybe humans had somehow escaped the apocalypse above and survived below ground, she thought excitedly.


    As they got closer the voices separated into two, one a rough rasping thing, while the other was smoother but deeper. The pathway was widening, the ceiling now high above their heads and they could walk next to each other with ease. The light was intensifying as well, independent from the occasional glow of the godseed, the dancing orange glow of a flame.


    The passageway abruptly widened, forming a cavern, the size of which reached far overhead as they peered out from the corridor they had emerged. Torches circled the walls, their dancing light casting shadows strangely on the irregular surface of the cavern walls. Old dilapidated buildings, much more ancient than the graceful glass skyscrapers on the above ground connected the floor to the ceiling, their empty windows and doorways like the eerie gaping maw of a skull. The petrified corpses of trees twisted amongst them, lining the remnants of some long gone streets. The voices intensified, taking an argumentative edge. Sym and Alene walked through the ruins. Sym was right, Alene thought with awe, there was a whole other city beneath the ground. It was like walking in a reflection, an inverted, ancient version of the city above.


    They reached the edges of a city square, following the string of luck directly to the voices. Did whomever it was have her luck, Alene thought with sudden unease. She had already been uncomfortable sharing her loss to Ketsuri, but the idea of exposing her vulnerabilities once again, to some unknown, potentially dangerous being was distressing.


    Two figures took shape in the city center, surrounded by a petrified stone garden, winding walkways lined with vegetation frozen in time. One tall humanoid and the other on four legs like some massive beast of a dog, its chest heavy and thick, its coat spotted - a horned hyena. Definitely gods, Alene thought, troubled. And her luck ran right up to the chest of the humanoid one. ¡®Hiru?!¡¯ gasped Sym.

 Arc 3, Chapter 7: Reunited

    Two heads snapped in their direction. ¡®...Sym!?¡¯ The humanoid one said, walking on long legs over to her, almost stumbling in his haste. He stood in front of her, unsteady, uncertain, before wrapping her tightly in his arms. ¡®Una said you left to become an acolyte and I might never see you again. But you came back.¡¯ He stepped back, taking her face in his hands, looking down into her eyes, ¡®I missed you so much.¡¯ He closed his eyes, tears leaking out from under long lashes, bending over to press his forehead to hers.


    Hiru, thought Alene, one of Sym¡¯s friends, one of Una¡¯s friends from when she walked among the humans. She had seen bits and pieces of him in her memories as she strolled about the city, scenes of him laughing, his playful smile and dark expressive eyes. Veridia¡¯s son. The son of the woman that had killed her.


    Sym was laughing, tears streaming down her face as well as she held him. ¡®I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re alive! I thought everyone had died.¡¯ He paused for a moment, a strange, guilty expression on his face. ¡®No,¡¯ he finally settled on, ¡®I¡¯m still here.¡¯ He looked at Alene, curious, ¡®...and this is?¡¯ He looked at her more closely, eyes narrowing in recognition, ¡®Una!? But you died! I was there, and you were dead!¡¯ The being behind him cackled, an uncanny, sinister sound that echoed loudly around the caverns. ¡®I told you, didn¡¯t I!?¡¯ The being said, ¡®I told you!¡¯ Hiru looked back at the being, his face twisted with disgust, staring them down, before resolutely turning his back to them. ¡®I tried so hard to find you,¡¯ he said lowly, his voice filled with anguish, tears still falling down his cheeks. ¡®Veridia separated your soul from your body, she couldn¡¯t figure out how to kill you all the way, so I knew you were alive but I just couldn¡¯t find you.¡¯ Alene reeled as she took a steadying breath. So she hadn¡¯t been dead at all? Or had the process actually killed her? But she had emerged from a bone fragment, one she had assumed had been part of her at some point. Her head spun with the new revelation.


    ¡®You¡­you tried to find me?¡¯ she said slowly. Hiru paused again, as if trying to find the words. ¡®I¡­I tried to bring you back. It was wrong, what my Mother did to you. And what humanity did to your body afterwards.¡¯ He said with revulsion, looking nauseous. ¡®They¡­Mother radiated your body, she made the cells proliferate like cancer until you stretched across the city, enough matter for everyone to get a taste of the flesh of a god.¡¯ He looked sick, but didn¡¯t stop. ¡®They,¡¯ his voice broke, ¡®they ate your corpse, thought it would give them god powers, give them immortality. So,¡¯ he took a deep breath, steadying himself a look of angry resolution on his face, ¡®¡­when Veris,¡¯ he jerked his thumb roughly behind him, the other being raised its horned head, giving a chuckle hoarsely at the acknowledgement, ¡®offered to help me find your soul, I accepted.¡¯ His eyes flicker to Sym, something like an apology, a beseechment in his expression ¡®I killed them all.¡¯ His voice had lowered to a whisper, his eyes turning down to look at the floor. He swallowed heavily, ¡®I sacrificed every one of them, took all their filthy greedy lives to bring you back. I forced them to give penance. Consumed them, soul and body. But¡­it didn¡¯t work. Veris tricked me,¡¯ his eyes flicked up to them, before he looked away, shame on his face. ¡®Instead, now, I became her demi-god child.¡¯


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    Sym looked at him, shock in her eyes, her mouth contorted into a grimace of repulsion. ¡®You¡­killed them? You killed them all?!¡¯ She stepped back, shaking her head, her heavy hair swaying around her violently. ¡®You murdered them, that¡¯s, that¡¯s genocide.¡¯ She hadn¡¯t looked away from his face, kept staring at him in shock as if he would suddenly deny it, as if he might suddenly say it was a misunderstanding.


    Alene looked at her, laying a hand on her shuddering shoulder. ¡®Sym,¡¯ she said gently, Sym¡¯s head snapped in her direction, displacing her hand, eyes still wide. ¡®Is it really so different from my eating the fish god, they weren¡¯t human anymore, if they ate my flesh they were something closer to demi-gods.¡¯ Sym kept shaking her head, refusing the explanation. ¡®No, no it¡¯s not the same, not even a little,¡¯ she said, ¡®there were so many of them! And they couldn¡¯t have all understood what it meant, there were innocent people among them, children!¡¯ Her voice raised, the echoes of her distress and horror all around them like a thousand accusations. She turned from them, facing away with her arms folded decisively. Hiru looked at her back longingly, pained but not contradicting her.


    He turned back to Alene, ¡®Veris swore you were still alive, that there was no way a mortal could kill a god, that the ritual had worked and you would be able to recondense. So I tried to find where your soul could be,¡¯ he held up his hand, stitched at the wrists, subtly glowing runes pulsing from under the skin. ¡®I used my knuckle bones to cast, to scry you, but,¡¯ he held up a shell around his neck, ¡®it only led me to this.¡¯


    Alene reached out, touching the snail shell gently, her hand shaking. The shell grew warm, vibrating softly under her fingers, the string going taut around Hiru¡¯s neck as the shell pulled away from him and into Alene¡¯s touch like a magnet¡¯s pull, reaching to rejoin, to be whole once more.


    ¡®You found my soul shard.¡¯

 Arc 4: New gods, Chapter 1: Ascending

    Hiru had been resistant to journeying to the surface, he had been in the earth so long, avoiding the site of his sins that the idea of walking in the sunlight terrified him. Sym was stuck somewhere between worry for his mental health and disdain for his actions, her previous joy at his survival tempered by the revelation of its cost. They had traveled to the surface through a series of tunnels that seemed incomprehensible to Alene, taking turns that looked exactly the same to her inexpert eye.


    Sym had followed behind Hiru and Alene at first, before Veris had joined. She had hurried to put some distance between herself and Hiru¡¯s accidental godmother. If there was any being more at fault for the genocide than Hiru, it would be Veris, Alene thought, eyeing the hyena god warily. The god wore a frightening smile, thick teeth ever visible, though Alene couldn¡¯t tell if she was happy or that was just her resting face. She was uninclined to ask. Something about the god was deeply disconcerting, though it may have just been the knowledge that she had capitalized on Hiru¡¯s vulnerability to commit a massive atrocity on humanity, for what purpose, Alene was unclear. She was glad for her own mother, though she was disinterested in humans, and had accepted their sacrifices in the past, she hadn¡¯t seemed to have a disposition for their wanton eradication. Veris caught Alene¡¯s eye, her smile spreading a margin wider. Alene quickly looked away. It was hard to avoid her gaze, she had several staring eyes in her crowning antlers amongst which thorned flowers intertwined, looking every which way manically.


    As soon as they got to the surface Sym took off, walking purposely, headed in the direction of her swamp. Alene remembered retroactively that leaving her toxic waters was agony, and felt a fresh wave of guilt. Sym hadn¡¯t said anything about the pain the whole time they were underground. It felt as if the delicate thread of friendship they had just begun to foster had snapped, leaving Alene bereft. She wondered if Sym felt the same way. If she felt betrayed, again.


    She understood Sym¡¯s perspective on the annihilation, from the human viewpoint what Hiru had done was an unimaginable atrocity, a brutality on an unforgivable scale. But Alene had committed to being a god. She had eaten the godflesh, had accepted her heritage. She was Alene that was also Una, the soul shard of a god that was now whole. She wasn¡¯t quite ready to be Una again, still didn¡¯t feel quite the same as the god in her memories, but she also didn¡¯t quite feel like Alene, the lonely ghost. She felt¡­somewhere in between.


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    Hiru had returned her shard. It had been drawn to her so strongly it had sprung to her when it left his fingers, burrowing through her body with fervor to reach her heart. Its lodging in her heart was a slightly uncomfortable feeling akin to having something stuck in her throat, a sort of congested feeling in her chest, but when it settled, the sensation of completeness sent a wave of warmth and contentment through her body, a feeling of peace, of wholeness.


    Veris had left as well, after a hushed conversation with Hiru, one that left him looking annoyed, his jaw set as he returned to Alene¡¯s side. Veris had watched him walk away, her many eyes trained on his back, before she blinked, all her antlered eyes at once, disappearing into thin air from where she had stood just a moment before.


    Hiru and Alene made their way to Alene¡¯s home, Hiru preferring to have something over his head, the raw expanse of the sky above too wide, too open for him. It had taken him a while to leave the entrance to the catacombs. He had to calm his breathing, sitting with his back to the walls, looking out from beneath the cave for a couple of minutes before building up the resolve to step out from its shadow. The first step hadn¡¯t been the hardest, but rather when they were half way to Alene¡¯s that he had needed to take a break from the sky again, finding refuge underneath a crumpled home, his arms wrapped around himself. Alene held his hand while he shakily calmed his breathing again, feeling the rough skin of his scars, where stitching had connected his hands to his wrists, tracing the glowing runes that were still visible, even under the light of day.


    He had given his hands for her. Had dedicated an entire city to her. But his hands were what stayed with her, they felt more real, somehow. Perhaps it was just that she could touch them, rather than having to imagine the destruction of the city, which seemed so far away, whereas his hands were there in hers, tactile. She squeezed his hand tightly, hoping he wasn¡¯t disappointed in his exchange, that she was worth his price. She wasn¡¯t even Una anymore, Una was gone and only Alene was left in her place. She hoped it was enough.

 Arc 4, Chapter 2: Empathy

    They traveled to her skull home, Hiru looking up at it with something akin to alarm. ¡®You live here?¡¯ he asked, worry in his voice, ¡®in your own corpse?!¡¯ Alene looked at him, trying to decide how to explain it. She knew now that she had made the choice to sacrifice herself, that her massive corpse was the result of Veridia¡¯s gruesome experiment, and that must be what Hiru thought when he looked at the bones. Of the horrors of the past.


    But to her it represented something else. It didn¡¯t feel like a completely morbid choice, but rather like she was taking some ownership over her death, staking her claim to her body. And even before she had known about her past, the bones had always felt like home. ¡®It¡¯s¡­a part of me.¡¯ She said, ¡®it feels right to make it my home.¡¯ He didn¡¯t seem to understand, but she wasn¡¯t inclined to say more on the subject, it felt too vulnerable to talk about with him. Though he may have known Una, he was virtually a stranger to her.


    They sat inside, around the same small fire pit that she had sat with Ceit so long ago. She missed her. With Ceit she had been so content, even when she was a stranger being around her had felt so natural. With Hiru they had so much history, but at the same time they were strangers. It felt as if everything she might talk about with him was either too distant for someone that shared so much with her or too close to reveal to someone she had only just met.


    The small fish god¡¯s cracked shell dangled from a string in the ceiling, its opal case glittering in the fire light. She had hung it there so that she wouldn¡¯t forget the little fish god, and to remind herself of the choice she had made. Of what she had chosen to become. She wondered now, though, if she had really needed to eat him. Would just finding her soul shard have been enough to recondense her? She shook off the thought. She had made her decision and there was no way to change it now, no way to undo what she had done. She would have to live with it. Because apparently death for a god was an uncertain, unassured thing.


    From Hiru¡¯s account, Veris had promised that the ritual destroying the inhabitants of the city would help reconstitute her, though he claimed it had all been a trick by Veris to form him as a demi-god. Alene wondered however, if Veris had been so untruthful, had the sacrifice of so many previously human demi-gods given her soul the strength to regenerate? It didn¡¯t seem like something to bring up with him, his relationship with Veris seemed tenuous, even from just the few interactions between them she had seen.


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    She offered Hiru some of her fruit stache. He smiled at it, ¡®you still love fruit, huh?¡¯ he said, reaching an arm to take the mango from her hand, running a razor sharp nail down its skin and peeling it back to reveal the fruity flesh beneath. She smiled, glad that he could see something familiar from his friend in her.


    She peeled her own fruit. It felt good to be able to interact with the tangible world without having to worry about her body slipping through it. When she had only been mostly condensed the fruit juice would trickle under her ghostly flesh, creating an uncomfortable sticky feeling. It had been annoying to wash out, she would often have to take a full body dip just to get rid of the sensation. But now she was whole, complete, and though the juice still left her hands tacky, everything she interacted with stayed outside of her form. It was such a relief. It felt like progress.


    She took a big bite of the exposed fruit flesh. Unlike Sym she tried to keep the juices from running down her chin. The reminder of her missing friend brought a frown to her face. ¡®...do you think Sym will come back?¡¯ Hiru looked up at her, his eyes tortured and full of flames, reflected from their fire. ¡®I don¡¯t know. Sym¡­she¡¯s always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I knew when I sacrificed the city that she probably wouldn¡¯t have approved. But I couldn¡¯t let them get away with what they did.¡¯ He looked down at his hands, holding the seed in his palm, turning it over and over. He looked up, ¡®I¡¯m surprised she didn¡¯t hold the death of the other god against you, you said you ate another god, right?¡¯


    Alene nodded, ¡®yes, a small fish god. He was how I recovered enough materiality in order to explore the underwater catacombs.¡¯ She pointed to the delicate fins on her neck. She was unsure whether or not they would fade away. She had originally been a bird god who had taken a human form from the consumption of human remains, was her body dependent on what she ate? The rules were unclear to her. But being a fish suited her just fine. She liked being able to swim with Sym¡­if she was ever able to do that again.


    ¡®I can¡¯t believe you were above me this whole time,¡¯ Hiru sighed, looking into the flames again. ¡®I¡­I should have come up. Veris kept trying to get me to come out of the caves, but it hurt too much to see, well everything. To see the city without people in it and to see your corpse. I was just so¡­ashamed. I suppose I could have left the area entirely, but it felt wrong to. I couldn¡¯t move on. I was just¡­ stuck.¡¯ He shrugged helplessly.


    Alene listened quietly, nodding. She couldn¡¯t leave either. She was just as stuck as he was. She paused. Was she stuck now? Now that she was whole, would she be able to leave the city limits?! Next time Ceit came around would she be able to go with her?! She tried to tamper excitement. There was no assurance it would work, and regardless, Hiru needed her right now.

 Arc 4, Chapter 3: Callosity

    Hiru slept in Alene¡¯s nest while she elected to sleep up on the top of the skull, watching the night sky. Neither particularly needed to sleep anymore, but it felt natural to do so, after such an intensive day. Alene wondered if Hiru¡¯s preference for keeping human hours was residual from his humanity, if there were some habits that would stay with him, like her own nesting from the time she was a bird. Even when she didn¡¯t know who she was she still had a nest. It was innate, comforting.


    They had agreed to go to Hiru¡¯s old house the next morning. Alene had suggested it, and Hiru had hesitantly agreed. He was clearly traumatized by the past, and Alene wasn¡¯t sure how else to help him get closure. It had been a good first step, coming out of the caves, and she had been touched when he had agreed to stay in her skull home, despite how much pain seeing her corpse seemed to cause him. Perhaps staying in his old house would be better for him? She didn¡¯t want to push him too fast, but she was hoping he would tell her when it was too much. She hadn''t had a lot of practice reading social cues.


    They set out early the next morning, Alene had stayed up most of the night before, watching as the stars passed overhead and listening to sounds of the forests around her. She had watched the fanged and cloven horse Xi¡¯s constellation for a lot of it. Oongx¡¯s had long since disappeared over the horizon, but seeing Xi¡¯s still made her feel connected to Ceit. What would Ceit make of Hiru and Sym? What would they make of Ceit? She hoped she could introduce them one day. Who wouldn¡¯t like Ceit? Even Novem had liked her, she thought, smiling, no matter how he had shown it.


    This was the very first path she walked with Novem, she realized, as she and Hiru made their way past what had previously been the gate to Hiru¡¯s gated community, now overgrown, blooming belladonna and jasmine vines winding up the gate itself and a rose of sharon tree growing up out of the guardhouse itself. She hadn¡¯t seen him since he had given her the god to eat, but then, he didn¡¯t seem interested in meeting other gods and their affiliates. Or maybe it was just the gods she had met. She wondered if he was afraid of her mother or Veris. She didn¡¯t have a grasp on the hierarchy within gods, but it seemed likely there was one. He had certainly been more than strong enough to overpower the little fish god. She wondered where she fell on the god power spectrum.


    Hiru¡¯s house towered over them, carved marble columns now cracked and covered in moss and vines, vegetation bursting from every broken window. It had once been a grand house, and it still was, albeit now in a very different way.


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    He led her through the open double front doors, briefly touching the orchid door knocker, his fingers lingering with nostalgia. Inside a grand staircase met them, Hiru paused, taking it in. He led her through the same path Novem had, so long ago, down the corridor with the floor length windows covered with morning glory and datura, and into the glass greenhouse.


    ¡®Mother loved poisonous plants,¡¯ he said, his finger tracing an oleander blossom. ¡®I suppose she liked their deception. It suited her.¡¯ He dropped his hand. ¡®We met here. In this green house,¡¯ he said, meeting Alene¡¯s eyes. ¡®Back when you were Una. Well,¡¯ he waved his hand towards the back of the building, ¡®back in my greenhouse, not the main one. You stopped coming, but for a while, when I was a child, we were friends.¡¯ He turned back to the flowers, walking carefully, so as not to crush those on the floor. ¡®I think that¡¯s why I liked you so much when we met as adults, before I knew you were a god. You reminded me of my childhood friend, the one everyone told me was imaginary. Mother put together you were the same person before I did. But she was always like that, ten steps ahead of everyone else.¡¯ He let out a short, harsh laugh.


    He looked back at her sharply. ¡®And you gave yourself up to her. You may as well have killed yourself.¡¯ His eyes were sharp, but Alene could see the tears building. ¡®Why would you do that?¡¯ He whispered, his voice hoarse. Alene shook her head, she couldn¡¯t speak for Una, was barely even the same person. ¡®I¡­I¡¯m sorry,¡¯ she said, helplessly, unsure what else she could say, what else she could do for someone who had endured so much.


    Hiru stepped towards her, tears trickling down but his eyes getting fiercer. ¡®You know what she did with your body, afterwards? Before she radiated you for the whole city to have a piece. She cut you up, took all your organs for herself. She wasn¡¯t some sort of saint, she didn¡¯t do it for the betterment of the city, no matter what she told you. She was a selfish, opportunistic, avaristic person. So. You should never have believed that giving yourself up to her would fix anything.¡¯


    He stopped in front of her breathing heavily, before his face crumpled, his previous ferocity crumbling. He turned away, ¡®I¡¯m sorry, I know you don¡¯t remember. I shouldn¡¯t have taken out my anger on you,¡¯ he said, his voice ragged. He shook his head, as if to shake off the previous emotion. ¡®Come on, I¡¯ll show you where I found your soul shard.¡¯


    She realized then the truth of what he had truly endured. He had been forced to make such an incredibly tortuous decision, caught between two choices that he abhorred, the genocide and annihilation of his home, or to live in a city corrupted by the death of his closest, oldest friend, the catalyst being his own mother. And then afterwards had been subjected to such a long period of loneliness, forced to live with that decision, trapped under it even, in a very literal way, the city above him bearing down with the weight of his biased judgment. Her heart broke.

 Arc 4, Chapter 4: Boundaries

    They stood looking down into the pit, the exploded laboratory out behind the house, the underground facility that Hiru had exploded in his wrath. ¡®I had blown it up when I found out about your death. Mother had taken you apart by then, had taken the rest of your body to the catacombs, to her uranium experiments down there so she could radiate you, but she had left your organs here, pickling. I couldn¡¯t let her disrespect your body like that. It was disgusting.¡¯ His voice was flat, matter of fact. ¡®Later I had to dig through it all, find your old heart, where the shard was lodged.¡¯ A wince made its way through his stoney expression at the memory. Alene¡¯s heart throbbed. She could imagine it. Hiru, alone, digging through the dirt frantically to find her, his hands literally dirtied, braving the sunlight and the city full of his sins and regrets at the mere hint of her presence outside of the catacombs.


    Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she shouldn¡¯t have brought him here, maybe he wasn¡¯t ready for it. He looked shut down, dissociated. His face was blank, eyes hooded, heavy and distant. ¡®Should we head back? Or would you rather stay here?¡¯ She asked, gently. He looked at her, his expression numb, before realizing himself. ¡®I think I¡¯d rather not be here. Can I, can I stay with you?¡¯ Alene was relieved, at least she could give him this, support him by offering her home, if nothing else. ¡®Of course,¡¯ she said gently, meaning it wholeheartedly.


    They had developed a sort of cadence, much like the one she had previously with Novem, who had still not resurfaced. She hoped he returned at some point, her new guest notwithstanding. She missed him, despite his deceptions.


    Unlike with her and Novem, Hiru was the one who would walk the city, gradually overcoming his agoraphobia, and Alene was the one who would come to find him and bring him home. They had strung Hiru up a hammock, so that Alene could have her nest back, weaving a sturdy one out of some colored rope they had found. Alene had insisted on doing a fancy knotting pattern, everything in her home had to be beautiful, and Hiru¡¯s belongings were not excluded. He had smiled fondly when she insisted, letting her have her way. She wondered what their dynamic had been before, when she was Una. She was hesitant to ask about the past, not wanting to push him before he was ready again.


    They hadn¡¯t spoken about Sym either, both avoiding the swamp implicitly. Alene missed her terribly, and she knew Hiru did too, having seen him looking off in the swamps direction after Alene had explained Sym¡¯s condition. But just like Hiru, she needed time and space to come to terms, and Alene could give her that, at least.


    Their relationship was a budding one, one that Alene hoped would bloom into a beautiful flower, rather than wither on the vine. She did her best to coax Hiru, realizing that he was floundering, too overwhelmed by the new experiences of the above ground to know how to talk to her. She could tell he wanted to, he would open his mouth and close it once again as they sat around the fire. If they were going to have a relationship again Alene would have to be the one to lead it. And she was glad she could do this for him. Was glad whenever he let himself need her. She felt so inadequate supporting him as he pushed himself through his fears, braving the world in a way she could only admire. She could see why Una would befriend him.


    He was a well of information about her old self, his fondness for her in his every word, once he had realized it didn¡¯t make her uncomfortable to talk about her amnesiac past. Beyond fruit and sweets she now knew that Una loved flying in all ways, not just soaring herself but enjoyed watching the kite soar in the parks, loving how humans found a way to enjoy flying too.


    She knew more on their first meeting too. Una had simply appeared one day, interested in the plants Hiru kept in his own private greenhouse, separate from his mother¡¯s vicious one. His was a glass house of cacti, he admitted bashfully that in retrospect he had identified with the way they needed only a little attention to survive, much like his relationship with his mother Veridia. And then she had disappeared, not returning until he was much older, the reason for which was unclear to him. The loss had been hard on him, alone as he was in the sterile environment that was his home with Veridia. She had been his only friend, special in a way that no other future friends were.


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    The way he spoke about his mother was very different from how Sym spoke of her, Sym¡¯s begrudging admiration incomprehensible to Alene, given her legacy and the visceral memory she had of being torn apart at her hands. He spoke of her negligence, but the occasional kindness that would always send him into a spiral of self doubt as to the abandonment he felt from her. His resentment was clear, however. He seemed so disillusioned, always expecting the worst of her. Unlike Sym he didn¡¯t believe Veridia had been unwilling to sacrifice him for godhood, but rather that she had found it unnecessary. She was a woman of drive and vision, but also of practicality, and the unknowns of godhood, of losing her humanity would have made her understandably wary. It would have been more appealing to be a demigod to a dead god, Hiru explained, familiar with the machinations of his mother¡¯s mind. The zombie god-king was long gone and so the ties that bound a demigod to their deity would have been unclaimed, making it the prudent choice, powerful, but without the unknowns of godhood, as Gual, Iseult¡¯s father had chosen to risk. What had happened to Iseult, Alene ached to ask, but Hiru¡¯s quiet at the memory of her had silenced Alene, unwilling to push him, delicate as his psyche was. There seemed only one possible outcome, after all, and she was unwilling to risk the delicate thing between them for something that seemed assured.


    What was his relationship with Veris like, Alene asked, one night, their joviality over dinner prompting her mouth to move before she even processed the question or how insensitive it likely was. He paused at that, head tilted as he considered. A rueful smile quirked the corners of his mouth. ¡®She took advantage of me. For sure. She came to me when I was most vulnerable, right after your death, when I realized just what Veridia had done, what humanity had partaken in.¡¯ He paused, stirring the coals with a branch, flipping a log over, embers sparking and sizzling. ¡®But she was also the only one that was there for me. I can¡¯t hate her.¡¯ He leaned back on his palms, curly hair flopping from his eyes as he looked up. ¡®I suppose the way she manipulated me reminds me a bit of Veridia, but that¡¯s where the comparison fails. Veridia was always absent, but Veris. Well, she never gives me room to breathe. It¡¯s frustrating, but in a weird way comforting, like all the attention I wished I could have as a child. It¡¯s like, it¡¯s easier to believe she wants what is best for me.¡¯ He looked at Alene, ¡®Am I a bad person? For caring for her despite everything?¡¯ Alene shook her head, unsure how to answer him. She didn¡¯t want to lie to him, his atrocities were just as bad as those committed by humanity. But she wasn¡¯t human anymore and she couldn¡¯t speak for how a god would handle the question, still caught up as she was with her own similar, smaller scale atrocity with the little fish god Viisvang. ¡®I don¡¯t know.¡¯ She responded, helplessly. Hiru nodded, accepting the answer, no matter how unsatisfying, his eyes dark behind his bangs. He looked away, body language tense.


    Eventually they slept, Hiru rocking gently in his hammock, his breath steady, and Alene in her bedding, twisting it around in the nest-like structure she favored.


    ¡®Hiru! Hiru!¡¯ A voice called up from the ground below, and for a beautiful moment she thought it was Sym come back, before realizing the voice was too raspy and far too old to be Sym¡¯s. ¡®Veris,¡¯ Hiru said, sighing with resignation in his tone. ¡®Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll send her away.¡¯ He climbed down.


    After a moment of hushed whispers, sinking her back towards slumber, she could hear them talking, but was still half asleep, despite their rising voices. ¡®I never forced you to kill them all.¡¯ The raspy voice said, reproaching. ¡®You lied to me! You said it would bring her back! That it would recondense her soul!¡¯ Hiru replied, his voice intensifying, the anger and anguish at odds with what he had told her last night about his feelings towards his godly mother, though it seemed reasonable a being could feel more than one way. Should she be hearing this, she wondered. ¡®And here she is, just as I said¡¯ The raspy voice sounded extremely self-satisfied. ¡®Ha! Just because she¡¯s back doesn''t cancel out your other lies, hag. I didn¡¯t ask to become your child, I never wanted to be a god. And I don¡¯t care if I am your son now, you don¡¯t own me, and you will respect my boundaries.¡¯ His voice rang out like a spell in the morning air, lingering with the weight of his words. ¡®Alright,¡¯ Veris finally replied with finality, ¡®alright.¡¯


    Hiru returned some time later, his words after having been at a more reasonable volume. The air around him seemed lighter, somehow. Alene was unsure whether she should announce that she was awake or not, was that conversation too private? ¡®She is so much like Veridia sometimes it almost makes me nostalgic,¡¯ Hiru relieved her of the decision. But he was smiling. ¡®She lies to me and manipulates me, but unlike Veridia, I think she¡¯ll listen.¡¯ She smiled back, her smile hazy with sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a good day, she could feel it.

 Acr 4, Chapter 5: Atonement

    Alene had been looking for Hiru for a while now, searching throughout the city, but had been unable to locate him. She had searched high and low, covering every place she could think of, except one. There was only one other place that he could be. The swamp. She slowly walked over slowly, contemplatively, unsure what she might find.


    ¡®I don¡¯t forgive you.¡¯ Sym¡¯s voice cut through the air sharply as she neared. Oh, this sounded personal, again. She paused, uncertain whether to continue or not. ¡®But, I also miss you.¡¯ Sym¡¯s voice softened, pausing for a long moment, before continuing, voice firm. ¡®Learn the dreams of the people, of every person in the city, every person you killed, and tell their story to the forest of whispers, so they can live on, in some small way. Do this, as penance, and only after, will I see you again. So,¡¯ she paused, the wet sound of her tail wafting in the water, ¡®I¡¯ll be waiting.¡¯


    This seemed a good point to join them, she didn¡¯t want to be caught eavesdropping. Alene walked forward, seeing Hiru sitting cross legged, his head hung down in acceptance, hands threaded in the grasses by his knees. Sym lay by the water¡¯s edge, eyeing him as her tail drifted behind her. ¡®Sym,¡¯ she greeted. Sym looked at her, eyes wary. ¡®Alene,¡¯ she replied, slowly. Hiru nodded to her in acknowledgement, before getting up, brushing his hands of any lingering grasses, and leaving them, his face set, resolute, ready to face his task, no matter how impossible it seemed.


    ¡®I hope I didn¡¯t upset you. By not¡­siding with you,¡¯ she floundered a little, after Hiru had left. Sym sighed. ¡®I kind of knew you wouldn¡¯t. You¡¯ve committed to your godhood. I had kind of hoped you would choose to be a human, but I knew it wasn¡¯t a realistic wish. I knew since you ate the godling.¡¯ They sat, quiet for a few moments. There was a silence between them that there hadn¡¯t been before. Alene wondered if it would always be there, this¡­distance, between gods and humans. In the values they held, in their worldviews. Another thing she had sacrificed in her pursuit of godhood, she supposed. Her human relationship with Sym. She had chosen to give it up, along with her humanity. Would their friendship survive?


    ¡®I¡¯ve decided to form a new body,¡¯ Sym offered, breaking the silence. Alene looked up, intrigued. ¡®How?¡¯ she asked. ¡®I¡¯ve talked to Mother about how painful it is to leave the toxic waters. About how I didn¡¯t want to be her acolyte.¡¯ She paused, a touch awkwardly, looking at Alene askance. ¡®It was¡­a difficult conversation. She¡¯s so¡­indifferent, with me.¡¯ She stumbled a little, getting the words out. Alene winced. It was bad enough she had forced acolyte-hood on Sym, but to now have a mother that didn¡¯t particularly have any consideration for her¡­ She couldn¡¯t force Mother to care, unfortunately.


    ¡®I¡¯ve already decided on a material,¡¯ she resumed. That was exciting, Sym deserved to be happy, after all that had been taken away from her, all that Alene had taken from her. ¡®Do you want help?¡¯ She asked, eager for Sym¡¯s new form. Sym shook her head, her wet hair sticking to her face. ¡®I want to do it myself,¡¯ she said firmly, ¡®I want something that is all mine.¡¯ Alene bit her lip, worried about the pain she would be putting herself through in the process. But if Sym wanted to she wouldn¡¯t stand in her way, Sym knew her own body and what her limits were. ¡®What materials are you going to use?¡¯ she asked, curious. ¡®I¡¯ve been collecting sea glass, to turn into gears for the joints, and seafoam, for the base. I like being a naiad and having two forms.¡¯ Alene nodded, understanding. She did miss her bird form. Would she be able to regain it, now that she was whole, she wondered, or would she have to stay as a fish. It did feel a little like penance, to wear the little gods old form, and be reminded of the choice she had made.


    She left, with Sym¡¯s promise to show Alene her new body, once it was complete. Alene returned back home to Hiru. He was packing up, his hammock already unstrung. ¡®I¡¯m going to return to the catacombs,¡¯ he said as she entered. Alene nodded with hesitant acceptance, ¡®will you be ok? Back in the dark?¡¯ she asked. She didn¡¯t want him to retrograde, he had come so far. It seemed unnecessarily cruel for him to continue to punish himself for something not out of the realm of what any god would do.


    Hiru paused, ¡®It¡­it doesn¡¯t have the same pull any more.¡¯ He finally said, ¡®but it¡¯s where all the city inhabitants''s skulls are. And I¡¯ll have to listen to them, one at a time, in order to fulfill my atonement and complete my reparations, so I have to return.¡¯ Ah. He was choosing humanity, choosing to retain some of his human morality. Choosing Sym.


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    He seemed resolved, ready and determined for the task ahead. It seemed like so much for one person to take on, such a herculean task. But if this was how he found closure for the damage he had wrought on the city in his pain, Alene would support him. ¡®You¡¯re always welcome back,¡¯ she said. Hiru smiled, hugging her. He seemed lighter, with a goal before him. With Sym at the end of it.


    Chapter 6: Occhiolism


    She had been a bit lonely, since Hiru had left, with both her friends occupied. But she wouldn¡¯t disturb them, both of their tasks held great importance to them, and required them to be completed alone. She returned to her previous routine, exploring the city, only now it wasn¡¯t in search of something, but rather for her own delight, recovering more of her memories with each journey, recovering herself, as Una. Someday she might even be called Una again. Or perhaps something completely new, something beyond where she had been when she had been Una the young head-strong god, or Alene, the lonely abandoned ghost.


    She had tested the city limits, walking out the edge of the city and beyond it, to the forest and the trees, relieved to find she was no longer trapped. It had taken some mental preparation, some galvanization, but she had been determined to find out. She had spent so long in the city, and so much of it unknowingly trapped, she had to know if her new completeness would release her from its grasp.


    It was a free feeling. She was excited to see Ceit again, when she returned, perhaps even to travel with her, this time, though she would miss her friends here, they had their own lives, and each other. Sym and Hiru had so much history between them, even more than they and Una had. An entire life of humanity, of human friendship, and potentially something more, if Alene¡¯s growing ability to read social cues could be relied upon. She hoped so. And though they had been friends with Una as well, it wasn¡¯t the same. Una hadn¡¯t been human with them, and couldn''t understand their experiences like they could each other¡¯s. She was a god, even now, had chosen this as her path, committed to it, while Sym and now Hiru seemed determined to hold onto some vestiges of their humanity. She respected their choice, hoped them well on their journey, different though it was from her own.


    She wondered at her relationship with Ceit, however. She was uncertain if there was a pedestal she was holding her to, if it was what she represented to her that made her friendship with Ceit so special to her - the end of loneliness, the beginning of a journey of self-discovery.


    She was returning home, orange in hand from the kiosk, and a sprig of osmanthus she had found along the way, when she saw there was someone waiting for her. Novem godeater, consumer of gods soul and all, was lazing about on her bed, his tail flicking leisurely as he lay among the once brightly colored, now sun bleached fabric of her nest. ¡®You¡¯re back!¡¯ she exclaimed, excited to see her friend again, the one other living god she knew besides her mother and Hiru¡¯s. Someone more her own age. He looked up at her, amused by her excitement. ¡®Did you think I would abandon you?¡¯ He got up from his supine position, approaching her, butting her hand for pets, which she obliged. It was nice to be able to pet him without worrying about her hand falling through his fur. ¡®Actually,¡¯ he said, after a moment, extracting himself from her fingers scratching under his chin with some reluctance, ¡®I have something to show you.¡¯ She looked at him, warily. Last time had been a shock, a transformative, life altering decision. And though it had been one she refused to regret, she was still leery of his next offer for assistance.


    He led her outside of her home. ¡®It¡¯ll be easier if you take your old form,¡¯ he drawled in his lazy way. She took a deep, apprehensive breath. She hadn¡¯t yet tried to return to her former bird shape, a bit nervous whether a fish could become a bird. She concentrated, thinking of her kestrel shape, of having light bones and long wings, and a curved, fierce beak. A pop sounded as she displaced the air, it whooshing back into the space she had just vacated, followed by a sense of vertigo as she shrank. She flapped, ungainly on the ground, unused to the new form. Ha! She was still Una, in this small way, she thought with elation.


    Novem nodded approvingly. ¡®Now,¡¯ he said, closing his bright, jewel red eyes, ¡®follow me.¡¯ He appeared to stretch, a flicking motion, like he was dislodging something from his back, muscles flexing. A second form emerged, a sort of astral, transparent cat superimposed over his body, ghostly. This was what he had done before, when he had taken her to the cat cemetery. When he had shown her a time when someone would hold her, love her. She still wasn¡¯t sure who it was, if it was, but now she had so many people that it could be. It was warming.


    The opaque cat body stretched, reaching up, up, up. Alene took wing, flying ungracefully at first, following as it expanded, reaching high overhead, a massive, celestial beast, until he reached into the atmosphere. ¡®Things look different, from up here,¡¯ he said, his voice a rumble in a massive chest. Alene perched on his spectral head, resting next to an ear. He walked forward, taking them farther from her home, carrying her miles with each step.


    ¡®Look down,¡¯ he said, his voice deep and ancient. She looked down, cities, civilizations stretching out beneath them. ¡®There are so many more than just where you were. What you need is some perspective. You are a god, Alene, more than just one city. You may have chosen them, back when you were Una, but there is so much more in the world.¡¯ They walked for many many miles, covering continents, seeing many different peoples, more than she could have imagined, all with varied beliefs and values. There was room for her, in the wider world, she realized.

 Arc 4, Chapter 6: Occhiolism

    She had been a bit lonely, since Hiru had left, with both her friends occupied. But she wouldn¡¯t disturb them, both of their tasks held great importance to them, and required them to be completed alone. She returned to her previous routine, exploring the city, only now it wasn¡¯t in search of something, but rather for her own delight, recovering more of her memories with each journey, recovering herself, as Una. Someday she might even be called Una again. Or perhaps something completely new, something beyond where she had been when she had been Una the young head-strong god, or Alene, the lonely abandoned ghost.


    She had tested the city limits, walking out the edge of the city and beyond it, to the forest and the trees, relieved to find she was no longer trapped. It had taken some mental preparation, some galvanization, but she had been determined to find out. She had spent so long in the city, and so much of it unknowingly trapped, she had to know if her new completeness would release her from its grasp.


    It was a free feeling. She was excited to see Ceit again, when she returned, perhaps even to travel with her, this time, though she would miss her friends here, they had their own lives, and each other. Sym and Hiru had so much history between them, even more than they and Una had. An entire life of humanity, of human friendship, and potentially something more, if Alene¡¯s growing ability to read social cues could be relied upon. She hoped so. And though they had been friends with Una as well, it wasn¡¯t the same. Una hadn¡¯t been human with them, and couldn''t understand their experiences like they could each other¡¯s. She was a god, even now, had chosen this as her path, committed to it, while Sym and now Hiru seemed determined to hold onto some vestiges of their humanity. She respected their choice, hoped them well on their journey, different though it was from her own.


    She wondered at her relationship with Ceit, however. She was uncertain if there was a pedestal she was holding her to, if it was what she represented to her that made her friendship with Ceit so special to her - the end of loneliness, the beginning of a journey of self-discovery.


    She was returning home, orange in hand from the kiosk, and a sprig of osmanthus she had found along the way, when she saw there was someone waiting for her. Novem godeater, consumer of gods soul and all, was lazing about on her bed, his tail flicking leisurely as he lay among the once brightly colored, now sun bleached fabric of her nest. ¡®You¡¯re back!¡¯ she exclaimed, excited to see her friend again, the one other living god she knew besides her mother and Hiru¡¯s. Someone more her own age. He looked up at her, amused by her excitement. ¡®Did you think I would abandon you?¡¯ He got up from his supine position, approaching her, butting her hand for pets, which she obliged. It was nice to be able to pet him without worrying about her hand falling through his fur. ¡®Actually,¡¯ he said, after a moment, extracting himself from her fingers scratching under his chin with some reluctance, ¡®I have something to show you.¡¯ She looked at him, warily. Last time had been a shock, a transformative, life altering decision. And though it had been one she refused to regret, she was still leery of his next offer for assistance.


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    He led her outside of her home. ¡®It¡¯ll be easier if you take your old form,¡¯ he drawled in his lazy way. She took a deep, apprehensive breath. She hadn¡¯t yet tried to return to her former bird shape, a bit nervous whether a fish could become a bird. She concentrated, thinking of her kestrel shape, of having light bones and long wings, and a curved, fierce beak. A pop sounded as she displaced the air, it whooshing back into the space she had just vacated, followed by a sense of vertigo as she shrank. She flapped, ungainly on the ground, unused to the new form. Ha! She was still Una, in this small way, she thought with elation.


    Novem nodded approvingly. ¡®Now,¡¯ he said, closing his bright, jewel red eyes, ¡®follow me.¡¯ He appeared to stretch, a flicking motion, like he was dislodging something from his back, muscles flexing. A second form emerged, a sort of astral, transparent cat superimposed over his body, ghostly. This was what he had done before, when he had taken her to the cat cemetery. When he had shown her a time when someone would hold her, love her. She still wasn¡¯t sure who it was, if it was, but now she had so many people that it could be. It was warming.


    The opaque cat body stretched, reaching up, up, up. Alene took wing, flying ungracefully at first, following as it expanded, reaching high overhead, a massive, celestial beast, until he reached into the atmosphere. ¡®Things look different, from up here,¡¯ he said, his voice a rumble in a massive chest. Alene perched on his spectral head, resting next to an ear. He walked forward, taking them farther from her home, carrying her miles with each step.


    ¡®Look down,¡¯ he said, his voice deep and ancient. She looked down, cities, civilizations stretching out beneath them. ¡®There are so many more than just where you were. What you need is some perspective. You are a god, Alene, more than just one city. You may have chosen them, back when you were Una, but there is so much more in the world.¡¯ They walked for many many miles, covering continents, seeing many different peoples, more than she could have imagined, all with varied beliefs and values. There was room for her, in the wider world, she realized.

 Chapter 7: New god

    ¡®Alene! Alene,¡¯ someone called, as they reached the airspace above her city. Ceit?! Ceit had returned! But it hadn¡¯t even been a full year? ¡®Alene! I came as soon as I was free! I¡¯ve been called by Oongx!¡¯ A star was shooting down, coming from the heavens far above, appearing bright even in the daylight. Ceit materialized from its brilliance, dressed in long flowing white robes, diaphanous, a wreath of stars twinkling around her head, threaded through her white curls. Alene took a human form, keeping her wings, growing them into massive things, out the back of her shoulder blades, a second pair emerging as well to support her weight, feathers speckling her arms. She was impressed that Ceit had recognized her, even as a bird.


    ¡®Ceit!¡¯ She called, gliding on a hot air thermal to reach her. She hugged her friend tightly, putting all her longing and affection in the embrace. Ceit laughed, hugging her back, wrapping her arms around her, careful of her wings. ¡®Come on,¡¯ Ceit said after a moment, smiling widely, ¡®let¡¯s go back to your place.¡¯


    They descended together, hands held. Ceit apparently unaffected by her own mass, star figure light as air. ¡®I missed you,¡¯ Ceit said once they landed, back in the comfort of her skull. Ceit was almost too bright to look at, her glow filling the space with a cosmic beauty, her pale visage radiant.


    ¡®You were called!¡¯ Alene said, admiring her star studded hair. ¡®Yes! Oongx acknowledged my dedication so much earlier than I expected!¡¯ she exclaimed. ¡®And now I¡¯m part of her constellation, the tip of her left horn! And I have so many acolyte siblings to talk with all the time!¡¯ She gushed, excited. Alene smiled indulging, it was nice to have her home filled with Ceit¡¯s exuberance once more.


    The room felt more full, more homey, with her in it. ¡®And you¡¯ve changed as well! Look at you, a solid form!¡¯ Alene spun, showing off her corporeal form, long opal blue hair spinning with her. ¡®Yes! And I regained some of my memories too!¡¯ Ceit clapped her hands excited ¡®I heard! Oongx said you were the god Una, but that you would have to regain your memories yourself, you have no idea how hard it was not to tell you right away! Apparently she is quite close to your mother, for gods, anyway. But you¡¯ve found them now! I¡¯m so so happy for you,¡¯ she hugged Alene once again, sighing happily in her arms, nose buried in her hair.


    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    ¡®I think¡­I think I might be ready to patron another city,¡¯ Alene said, after a while, telling her about the journey she had taken to regain herself. It was a new thought, one she hadn¡¯t been ready to say out loud, but it felt good to share, and good to have Ceit to share it with, to be the first one to hear about it. ¡®I think that would be wonderful, any city would be blessed to have you as their god.¡¯ Ceit took her hand, squeezing it supportively. The unadulterated faith in her expression sent a flush of warmth and through Alene, flattered that she was the recipient of Ceit¡¯s confidence.


    They talked for hours, Ceit regailing Alene with stories of her travels since, of how Oongx called her to the sky, the elaborate ceremony to accept her into the heavens. The reunion with her family. As night fell they moved to the roof, back to where Ceit had first invited her to join her on her journey.


    ¡®I feel different with you, than with my other friends,¡¯ Alene told her, eventually, having spoken to her at length about Sym and Hiru, the reveal of Novem¡¯s true identity shocking Ceit. ¡®I don¡¯t know if it''s because I met you after I was lonely for so long, imprinted on you like a baby chick, or if it¡¯s because I met you on equal grounds, not as a god, or if I just have feelings for you.¡¯ Ceit nodded, listening intently. She sighed, ¡®I¡¯m not sure either, and it¡¯s a complicated thing to untangle,¡¯ Ceit said, slowly. ¡®I also met you when I was at a lonely place in my life. I hadn¡¯t seen anyone for a very very long time. But I missed you when I left, unlike I had missed anyone before. And, that has to mean something, I think.¡¯ Alene smiled, it was a relief to know that she was not the only one, to know that her feelings might be returned. She held Ceit¡¯s hand, intertwining their fingers, her head on her shoulder, as they watched the sky together. Two lonely souls - now comforted by each other, looking up into a wide night. They had an eternity to figure it out.

 Resources

    References


    Agoraphobia:


    https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15769-agoraphobia</a>


    Amnesia


    https://unitedbrainassociation.org/2020/08/11/living-with-amnesia/</a>


    Astronomy


    https://www.highpointscientific.com/astronomy-hub/post/how-tos/how-to-read-a-star-chart</a>


    Bird skull


    https://anatomylearner.com/bird-skull/</a>


    Brain waves


    https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/agricultural-and-biological-sciences/brain-waves</a>


    https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-alpha-beta-gamma-and-theta-waves</a>


    https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/alpha-waves-and-sleep</a>


    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6961776/</a>


    Caves:


    https://www.quora.com/How-do-caves-and-holes-appear-in-rocks-specifically-granite</a>


    Clouds


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    https://scijinks.gov/clouds/</a>


    Cloven feet


    https://synapsida.blogspot.com/2011/01/origin-of-cloven-hoof.html</a>


    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloven_hoof</a>


    Firefly


    https://www.firefly.org/firefly-habitat.html</a>


    Flying


    https://www.theverge.com/2018/9/20/17881770/ai-machine-learning-gliders-air-currents-learning-birds</a>


    Games:


    https://www.wired.com/2009/08/simpleoutdoorplay/</a>


    Ketsuri:


    https://yourkatakana.com/letter-k-names/kelsie-kerushii/</a>


    Mutations:


    https://www.quora.com/Where-did-the-idea-that-nuclear-waste-causes-mutations-come-from</a>


    https://www.quora.com/Where-did-the-idea-that-nuclear-waste-causes-mutations-come-from</a>


    Trauma:


    https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/trauma/for-friends-and-family/</a>


    Trees:


    https://8billiontrees.com/trees/tree-symbolism/</a>


    Uranium Mining:


    https://www.epa.gov/radtown/radioactive-waste-uranium-mining-and-milling</a>


    https://world-nuclear.org/information-library/nuclear-fuel-cycle/mining-of-uranium/uranium-mining-overview.aspx</a>


    https://www.epa.gov/radtown/radioactive-waste-uranium-mining-and-milling</a>


    https://world-nuclear.org/information-library/nuclear-fuel-cycle/mining-of-uranium/uranium-mining-overview.aspx</a>


    https://encoreuranium.com/uncategorized/uranium-and-its-various-applications/</a>


    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster</a>


    Words:


    https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2016/02/40-words-for-emotions-youve-felt-but-couldnt-explain/</a>