《P Dhua Av Svvr Ha Aol Zrf: Red》 Home Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The clock ticks, and the clock tocks. Here in my little home. Red. It¡¯s red. We¡¯re red. I¡¯m red too. Warm yet cool yet sweltering yet hot yet soft yet deep yet small yet big yet endless yet Sometimes, I look down at my two little toes. I obsess over my nails; the sheen, the gloss, the length. And I have to wonder¡­ just where do they come from? I bite and I bite and I bite, yet they grow. Again, and again. They keep growing, turning the uneven bits into smooth ridges once again. Don¡¯t they know it¡¯s useless? I¡¯ll just bite them again when the time comes. It¡¯s odd. This whole house is odd. Why is it red? I don¡¯t remember it being red. I don¡¯t remember the TV, the little red couch, or that man over there staring at me. Staring. Is he a man? I can¡¯t quite tell. He certainly has the shape of one, albeit more¡­ extended than usual. His torso is stretched and stretched like a big fat piece of gum, and his skin is - of course - red. I know skin is usually a little bit red, but his is completely, wholly, the color red. There¡¯s no other color. He¡¯s just red. His eyes are weird too. They¡¯re just two big ol¡¯ empty sockets. There¡¯s a bottomless void in them, but I don¡¯t really want to look at it any longer. It makes me feel icky. I wonder if he¡¯s just going to stay stuck on the ceiling. He isn¡¯t moving, or rather doing much of anything I suppose. He¡¯s just staring at me. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Kind of boring. Ah, he¡¯ll bugger off somewhere eventually. I need to find some rabbit feed for Ms. Sue Doughnim. She¡¯s looking awfully glum these days¡­ maybe it¡¯s this gosh darn red infecting this damn place. Infectingmeinfectingmeinfectingmeinfectingme Let¡¯s ride on Rocinante! To the perilous attic we depart! I don¡¯t really like the attic. It¡¯s all dark and spooky, but it¡¯s the only place we keep the rabbit feed because papaw is scared of the outside. Things never were really quite the same after the sky turned red, but I think it is positively ridiculous for us to- The man moved. I can hear him. Creak. Creak. Creak. He¡¯s tiptoeing on the floorboards behind me. W?????????h????????????? ???????????????d??????????????????¨«????????d??????????????????? ????????????y???????????????¨®?????u?????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????v?????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? ???????????????????¡¯???????m????? ?????????????????s???????c??????????????a???????????????r??????????e?????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????o??????????m?????????e???????????o?????????????????n?????????????e????????????????? ?????????????h??????????e??????????l???????p????????????????? ??????????????????m???????¨¨??????????? ???????I??????????¡¯???????????m????????????? ????????????????????l????????????????¨°??????????n??????????????????????????? ??????????????i??????????????t??????????¡¯???????????????s???????????? ????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????r?????????????????????? save me sweetie I don¡¯t want to Silly little guy. Take this! BLAM! A little bit of pixie dust and he¡¯s scampering away like a little baby. Hmph, that¡¯ll teach him to mess with me! Gosh, people really don¡¯t have any manners these days. Well, if you can really call that a person. What was I doing again? Oh, right. The rabbit feed. On second thought, I¡¯m not really feeling it today. Sorry Ms. Sue Doughnim, but it looks like you¡¯re going to have to perish today. I just can¡¯t be bothered anymore. That mean ol¡¯ miser completely spoiled my mood. But y¡¯know what¡¯ll always bring a smile to my face? Surfing the World Wide Web of course! Let¡¯s see what¡¯s cookin¡¯ these days¡­ DEATH TOLL REACHES MILLIONS AS THE RED- Blegh, same as usual. Moving on~ I-I-I¡¯M TIRED OF THIS NEVER-ENDING NIGHTMARE! SCREW YOU, I¡¯M NOT DEALING WITH THIS FUC- Ack, swear words. Naughty-naughty~ Let¡¯s move on. EMILY? EMILY, IF YOU¡¯RE SEEING THIS, I¡¯M SO SORRY FOR BEING A BAD FATHER. I SHOULD HAVE TREATED YOU BETTER. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU AND GAVE YOU MY EVERYTHING, MY DEAR LITTLE PRINCESS. I¡¯M SO SORRY I COULDN¡¯T TELL YOU THIS IN PERSON, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOU BEFORE EVERYTHING- That¡¯s the fifth one in a row! Man, is it so hard to come up with something more original? Right. Well, I¡¯m bored now. The house is still weird, but at least the man is gone now. I think I¡¯ll have sweet dreams tonight. Tomorrow, I¡¯ll dream of blue. Yard Mr. Jackson¡¯s been feeling a bit red these days, so today I¡¯m gonna take care of the yard for him! It¡¯s a perilous job, indeed. There¡¯s all kinds of messy, gross, oily stuff covering the grass. Blegh, the things I do to be a good neighbor¡­ Knock knock knocking on his pale door, but all I get is a paltry score. He came up to me with the sweetest smile and said: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????u???????????????t???????????????????????s?????????????????w??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i???????????????????????¨¦??????????????????????????w?????????????????h???????????????????????????????????????a?????????r??????????????????????????????????????????????y???????????????????????????¨¶?????????????s???????t???????????????????????i??????????????????????l???????????????????????l??????????????h??????????????????????????????????????????????e???????????????????????????t?????????????????????????????????????????e??????????????????????r??????e?????????????????????????w????????????????????????????¨ª????????????????????????????????????????????l???????????g????????????????????????????????t???????????????????o????????????u???????????????????????????????????????a?????????????????????l????????????l???????????????????????????e???????????v?????????????????????????????????????n??????????????????????????????????????????????????????a???????????????l??????????????????????l?????????????y??????????????y???????????????????????????????????????????¨½?????????????????????????????????????e???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????o??????????????????????????????u?????????????n??????????????????????????y?????????????????????????????????????u??????????????????????????n?????????????????????????????????????????????????e??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????g???????????¨¯??????????a??????????s?????????f????????????????????????????r????????a?????????????????????s??????????????????y???????????????????????o???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????a????????????????????????????????????p??????l????????????????????????????????????????¨£???????????????????s???????????e?????????????d?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i??????????????????????????n???????????????????????g????????i???????????????t??????????????????s??????????????a??????????l??????????????????????????r???????????e???????????????¨¢???????????d??????????????????y???????????????t????????????o???????????o?????????????????????????????l???????????????????????????????????????????????t??????e??????????????f????????????????????????????????????????????r??????????m??????????????????? I dunno. Couldn¡¯t hear him very well, but he sure darn looked happy when I delivered a knuckle sandwich to his face! But weeds¡­ they suck. Sticky and gross, with roots and weird bits of some icky stuff I can¡¯t really tell what¡¯s what. My hands¡¯re all red and my face is all red and my brain is all red and my- If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. You know what? Forget red. Today, I¡¯ll be a rebel. I¡¯ll be green, like what a proper gosh darn suburbia white picket fence yard should look like in the good ol¡¯ Midwest. Green is such an¡­ earthy color, y¡¯know? I¡¯ll be green. I¡¯ll be spiritual. No matter how much the sky wants me to be red, I¡¯ll be green. What does green do, though? I haven¡¯t the foggiest idea. I remember seeing green once a long time ago, together with Ms. Sue Doughnim, but I ain¡¯t got nothin¡¯ to see here besides the stupid red grass and the stupid red soil and the stupid red liquid making my boots all yucky. Maybe if I throw up, I¡¯ll see green. I heard about that once¡ªthat puke is green. If I had any food in my tummy I would do it in a heartbeat, but times are tough, pardner. You gotta make do with what you gotta make do. Aw, gee wilikers: I just thought up the greatest idea! Human blood is red, right? So that means plant blood should be green because, duh, that¡¯s common knowledge. I just need to make that woman over there bleed. I don¡¯t think she¡¯ll mind, being all roots and stuff and laying in the middle of the street like some kind of rootin¡¯ tootin¡¯ roadkill. I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s more plant than human, anyhow. Can plants feel pain? Papaw never really told me much about it¡ªjust that humans feel pain when they get hurt. Humans feel pain when they¡¯re sad. Humans feel pain when they despair. I¡¯m in so much pain. But that doesn¡¯t mean she¡¯ll feel any pain! Ayo, let¡¯s get to slicin¡¯ and dicin¡¯! Wait, I don¡¯t have any slicers or dicers. Crap. And I can¡¯t use sharp things in the house because papaw forbade me that old bag o¡¯ crap! I¡¯m big enough. I¡¯m old enough. It¡¯s time he sets me free to pursue my true potential. Well, if he ever leaves his room. What to do, what to do¡­ Ohoh? The red man is back. Staring. Creeping. He¡¯s lurking around me. He¡¯s crying tears of red. Seems like someone needs another dose o¡¯ pixie dust! I¡¯ll show ya this time you rotten scoundrel- Wait wait wait a moment¡­ maybe I can make this work. Hey knucklehead! Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? N??????????????o?????????? Good. Because you look like quite the marvelous gentleman, I must say. Your handsome, ruggish face would no doubt make you faint on sight if you were to see yourself now! R????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? But of course, mon ami. A lady never lies. A???????w??????,???????????? ?????t???????????????h?????????????a??????t??????????????¡¯?????????????s?????????? ??????????????s?????????????????????? ?????s?????w???????????????????e????????????t?????? ????????????o?????????????f?????????? ???????????????o????????????-???????????? Pow! Right in the kisser! Well, at least that¡¯s where my fist would have landed if the red man had a mouth. But no, just a red face and creepy eyes. He¡¯s out cold like a Wisconsinite on a Saturday evening after visiting three, count them, THREE taverns in one whole night! Phew, what a night. Anyway, now that my unconscious assistant is raring to go, let¡¯s put those weird claw-like appendages of his to work. Let no one ever deny my craftiness! Ohoho! With a scoot, a drag, and marvelous twirl if I do say so myself, the claw digs into the plant woman. Damn. Her blood is still red. Damn. Basement I don¡¯t like the basement. It¡¯s scary. I¡¯m scared. I want to cry. Tears. Red tears. I want to collapse on the floor and squirm like a writhing bug, pathetic and dirty in the filth and muck where it belongs. I want to sink in the endless darkness and hope, pray, that nothing will snatch me from within the bottomless void. But maybe that would be a mercy. Maybe that would put a stop to this monotonous routine where my mind is in a constant haze retreating from the horrid world around my surroundings where the only way to survive is to mingle with insanity and lose myself in a state of never ending paranoia. Maybe I should just die. What point is there in living when I am just a shell of myself wading through the motions of an already dead world on the brink of collapse? No, it already fell a long time ago. And I am just an insignificant mass riding the waves of lunacy. The person I was is long gone, and I will never get them back. I chose this. I relish in this. But now that I am confronted with the inevitable mortality of my own derangement, a spark of what once was is uselessly waning in my heart. It says for me to wake up, to choose the easy way out, but I can¡¯t. I can¡¯t choose that path. Because I¡¯m afraid. I¡¯m afraid of what nothingness is, and though this landscape is but a nightmarish facsimile of what once was a normal world, it is still real. I can still feel it. I don¡¯t want to feel nothingness. I don¡¯t want to die. I¡¯m afraid. ¡­ Is what I would say if I was a big baby! Pssh, What¡¯s with all the philosophical talk, huh? That sure was a weird mumbo jumbo going on there, but let¡¯s not forget why I came to this stinky basement in the first place. So, basements are a really weird thing, right? In any home they¡¯re super scary and all black and stuff. Pretty spooky, but basements also tend to serve as, drumroll please, badumtsshtakakaka¡­ a storage area! That¡¯s right lads and lassies, the basement is a secret treasure house. A kerheel and a harhar will bring out the most marvelous things you¡¯ve ever seen in your life, and no one knows! Well, except for me. So I¡¯m planning an expedition into uncharted waters to get my hands on, um¡­ The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. I don¡¯t really know. I¡¯m just bored. But there has to be something that can stave off this neverendingneverendingneverendingneverendingneverendingneverendingneverendingneverending dreariness! A toy, a game, heck I¡¯ll even take one of those weird 500 piece puzzles that only makes some weird farmhouse or lake or something that¡¯s designed to just waste your time on hours at end building some mediocre piece of art a broke college grad could probably pump out in a day. Don¡¯t go to art school, kids. Well, I haven¡¯t been to college so I don¡¯t really, really know, but I heard it¡¯s super bad! Don¡¯t do it! I¡¯m warning you now! I¡¯m really serious about this! You understand me!? Good? Good! Alright. Yeah. Honestly, I¡¯m not that good at art. Ms. Sue Doughnim says that practice makes perfect and that, if you have the passion and drive, anyone can achieve their dreams. She¡¯s a big fat liar. Passion didn¡¯t do sh- No, no. No swear words. I¡¯m better than that. Passion didn¡¯t do CRUD! I got CRUD on like some kind of CRUDDING loser! I draw and I paint and I write and I sketch, but all I get is some weird looking stretch. My drawings still look like something a kindergartener would make, and I would know! I was a kindergartener once! Wait¡­ everyone was a kindergartener once. Well, except babies younger than kindergarteners, but you get my point! Hm. That¡¯s not good. There¡¯s a black¡­ something on the steps. I don¡¯t think I can get past it easily. It¡¯s like some kind of garbled, messy pile of moving sludge constantly oozing some kind of black ickiness. It smells like garbage pee-ew! Dang, what a stench. I would throw up if there was any food in my tummy. I don¡¯t think I can sock it with the good ol¡¯ one-two like I did with the red man. Maybe some pixie dust? Nah, pixie dust only works on good little boys. Well, pardner¡ªlooks like I¡¯m in one heck of a predicament. I didn¡¯t want to do this, but¡­ I don¡¯t have any other choice. It¡¯s time to- Run away. Red? I can let infect me. Green? Haven¡¯t seen it yet but I¡¯m sure that I can do just fine against it. But black¡­ I don¡¯t mess with black, mon ami. No one should mess with black. Because black is the color of the end. Black is the color of nothingness. Black is the absence of everything. Mall: Inizio The Ship of Theseus is a filosofical¡­ philosocktickle¡­ damnit feebonautical¡­ philosophical! Atta-baby! There we go! Philosophical. Yes, that¡¯s the one. A philosophical debate on whether or not an object with all of its original parts replaced is the same object. I know this because I¡¯m smart and papaw told me about it before he became red. It¡¯s weird, though. How come those fancy schmancy scholars never thought about humans? If we have all our bones replaced, skin replaced, eyes replaced, heart replaced, and brain replaced, are we the same person? Do objects have a soul? Do humans have a soul? My head hurts. Nevertheless, today I¡¯m feelin¡¯ a bit¡­ sophisticated. So, as the genius little lady that I am, I¡¯m going to try and solve the age-old debate those TV people never could! How, you may ask, pardner? We¡¯re going to the mall! I¡¯ve always wanted to go to a mall. I heard it¡¯s a magical wonderland filled with literally anything anyone could ever want. It¡¯s a place where wishes become reality and shoppers are all funneled into a singular, shifting mound of bodies and sweat and holiday coupons. There, I¡¯m going to replace my body. I want them to peel away at my skin, inch by inch, until my red blood oozes out in a wave of discharge. I want to have my red veins ripped out as my voice lets out a guttural, satisfied scream. Every bone will be torn off as my feeble flesh splooges onto the floor like a disgusting pile of wet slop. They¡¯ll grab at my eyes and pull it out, red streaks of gunk flying out while my spine is yanked away, and I¡¯ll fall onto the cold floor, limp. Still. Unmoving. My heart will no longer able to pump along that disgusting red red red red red red red red- Will I still be the same person? Or will I die, and have an imposter take over the new me? I don¡¯t know. I-I don¡¯t know. But we¡¯ll soon find out! Tally-ho, away we go! To redder skies and redder pastures aho! Wait, crap. I don¡¯t have any money. I cruddin¡¯ HATE capitalism! Capitalism can eat my big fat knuckle sandwich. Worst thing to ever happen to humanity. Well, second worst thing. Ima let you in on a little secret, my friend: In this world, you don¡¯t need money no mo¡¯. One time, I went to this little place called a ¡°bank¡± and the yellow lady over there just stood there while I hopped, skipped, and yahooed all over the place. Stood there! Doing nothing! Can you believe it? She just stood there letting this yellow goo drip down from her eyes and crying away like a wittle ittle baby. I tapped on her leg and she screeched at me and said- ???????????t????????????????¡¯??????????s????????????????? ?????????????????c?????????r???????????????????????w????????????l???????????i???????????????????n??????????????????? ???????????????????v????????????????????????r????????????? ????????????m????????????????????? ???????????s????????????k?????????????i?????????n??????????????? ????????????c???????????????????r????????????????a?????????w???????????l?????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????v???????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????r????????????a?????????????i?????????????????n???????????? ??????????????a?????????l??????????????????????? ???????I?????????? ??????????s???????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????¨ª????????????????????????? ?????????????????????m???????????????????????????????????? ???????????????c????h????????????????????????????????????????????????r??????????????????????????????????????n???????????????? ???????????m????????????y??????? ??????????????????????????¨®???????????????????????????????????r??????? ???????????c?????????h?????????????????????i?????????l?????????????????????r????????e????n????????????? ??????????m?????????????????o??????????m????????m???????y?????????????????? ?????i????s??????????? ????????????????s????????????o??????? ????????????????????s????????????????????????????r????????????????????????y????????? ????????????f????????????????????????r????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????¨¢?????v???????????????i?????????????n???????????g???????????????????? ????????y????????????????????u???????????? ???????????????????m??????????????¨°????m???????????????m??????????????y?????????????????? ???????????d?????????????????¨ª??????????????d??????????????n??????????¡¯???????????????????t??????????? ???c????????o??????????????????e????????????? ????????????????????????????????o??????m?????????????¨§????? ????????????????????????n?????????????? ???????????????????t??????????????i???m?????????????e??????????????? ???????¨«????? ?????????????????j????????????u????????????s??????????????????????????? ?????????????w????????a??????????n????t??????????????????????????????d????????????? ?????????t???????????????¨®????????????? ?????????s?????????????????????????????????? ????y???????????????????????????????? ????????????????m???????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????t????????????????????l???????e???????????? ???????????a??????????????????????????????????????????e????????????????????????s??????? ????????????o???????????????n???????????????????? ???????l??????????????????????????????s?????????????????t?????????????? ?????????????????t???????¨¬???????m????????????????????????? ??????????????b???????????????????????????????????t???????? ??????????????????????????o????????????w??????????????? ?????????????????m???????????????????m?????m??????????????????????????????? ????????i?????????????s????? ???????????????g???????????????????????????????????????e?????????????????? ??????????????m??????????????????o??????m?????????????????m??????y???????????? ???????????????????i???????s???????????? ?????????g???????????????¨®?????????????????????¨º???????? ????????????m???????????????o?????????????m???m???????????y??????????? ?????????????i???????????s???????????? ???????????????????o???????????n????????¨¥??????????????????? Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Like, ok. Dramatic much, lady? All you had to do was shoo me away. Sheesh. This must be what customer service does to people. Good thing I probably won¡¯t live long enough to ever get a job. Not gonna lie, it looks like it sucks. Well screw you, yellow lady! I¡¯m gonna have fun fun fun ¡®til my daddy takes the red away (fun fun fun ¡®til my daddy takes the red away) woooOoOoOoOOoooOoO OooOOoOoOooOOoH YEAH! Anyways, money. Don¡¯t need it. ¡®Dis here¡¯s a bartering town now, mon ami. If you want the goods¡­ you better have the goods you know what I¡¯m sayin¡¯? Hehehe. I¡¯m talking about stones. Rollin¡¯ stones. The red people take kindly to stones for some reason. I had to use a stone to get papaw to come out of his room and eat at the dining table like a regular civilized human being. Give them a shiny stone, a lumpy stone, a cracked stone, and they¡¯ll be jumpin¡¯ flapjacks with glee yesiree. And I just so happen to have one such stone is my possession! Yes sah¡¯, it¡¯s a good stone, very good stone, ok, very shiny¡ªyou know, if you¡¯re a stone connoisseur, if I were a stone, if, like, ok, if I ran as a stone seller, they would say I¡¯m the best stone anywhere in the world¡ªit¡¯s true!¡ªbut when you¡¯re a pebble seller they try¡ªoh, do they a number¡ªthat¡¯s why I always start off: Went to stone school, was a good student, went there, did this, built a- You get the point. It¡¯s a good stone. The very best. Gallop on, Rocinante! With a whirl, twirl, and swirl we go! To the concrete jungle of dreams! Oh. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. The yellow lady from before¡­ she¡¯s a yellow beast now, and she¡¯s napping in front of the mall entrance. Her tummy is all swelled up like it¡¯s gonna blow any second, and her eyes are all long and icky and stuff like a slug¡¯s eyes. I think, if I get any closer, she¡¯ll infect me with yellow. But I can¡¯t let yellow infect me. Red¡¯s already infected me. Red and Yellow make orange, and I don¡¯t want to be orange. What the heck does being orange even mean? Is that an actual saying? ¡°Oh, I¡¯m feeling green today. Oh, I¡¯m feeling blue today.¡± Those are sayings. People say that. Sometimes. I think¡­ but I ain¡¯t never heard anyone saying they were orange before. I don¡¯t like that. I don¡¯t like change. I want to maintain the status quo. Looks like I¡¯m going to have to give up on the new me today. It¡¯s ok, nothing was ever gonna change anyway. Even if I got a new body, the red would find a way to infect me. There¡¯s no escaping it. Never. Mall: Mezza Y¡¯know what? Crud it. I¡¯m not a coward. I¡¯m not a ittle wittle baby scared of some pasty yellow hag! I¡¯m gonna get in that mall and I¡¯m gonna do it with style, with grace, with a whole ¡®lotta¡­ face? Bah, I tried. It¡¯s the effort that counts, pardner. I mean, not EVERYTHING can be achieved with effort. Life doesn¡¯t tend to go the way you want it friendo. I try so hard and got so far, but in the end¡­ it doesn¡¯t even matter. One thing, I don¡¯t know why it doesn¡¯t even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme To remind myself of a time when I tried so hard in spite of the way you were mockin¡¯ me Actin¡¯ like I was part of your property- Sorry about that. Music¡¯s the only thing keepin¡¯ me from going cuckoo cuckoo crazy! Heh. Cuckoo¡¯s a funny word. Fun to say, too. Cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo. What was I wafflin¡¯ on about again? Ah, right. The mall. So, I¡¯ve devised this plan, y¡¯see¡­ it¡¯s a real nice plan, y¡¯see¡­ The yellow beastly slug lady¡¯s one lazy son-of-a-gun. She just sits there like a big ol¡¯ sack of potatoes in the entrance. I tried luring her over with some of the fanciest stones one can find, but apparently yellow don¡¯t take kindly to being bonked, understandably. If I try and tiptoe past her with my two little toes, her yellow slimy acid thingy is gonna melt me like a bite of cotton candy dunked in sulfuric acid. It¡¯s not gonna be pretty, mon ami. As much as I wanna get rid of this flesh cage of red of red of red of red of red of red, there¡¯s no point if I don¡¯t get a new body in return, y¡¯know? One¡¯s a lonely number, friend. One means being alone. I don¡¯t like being alone. But it¡¯s all I ever am. There¡¯s no one left. It¡¯s just me in this world now. Existing. Stagnating. Rotting. Forever and ever. And that¡¯s why I have you, my friend! Namely¡­ me! That¡¯s right! You¡¯re me. I am thou, and thou art I. Sorry to break the news to ya like this all sudden and all, but part of getting older means growing up. Sorry, but you gotta face the reality me from another mind. I¡¯ll give ya a second to process this super impactful information. Ready? ¡­ Aw, I feel better already! I just know that me and me are gonna be the best of soulmates. After all, who knows me better than, well, me! It¡¯s foolproof! As long as I have me to keep me company, the red¡¯s never gonna take my spunk! I am strong. I am strong. I¡¯m not strong. And that¡¯s why I¡¯ve gathered a few friends to help me take down the wicked yellow beast! AttenTION! Red man, report to base! ????????t?????? ???????????y????????¨®????????u??????????????????? ?????????????s??????????????????r???????v????????i??????????????????¨§?????? Green plant lady, salute! t???????????????????s???????????????????????n?????t??????????????e????s???u???????n?????????????h????????????e???????????s???????????u?????????????n??????????t??????????????h????????????????s?????????¨²????????n??????? Listen, I¡¯m sorry about that whole¡­ green blood business from before. But c¡¯mon, let bygones be bygones. I mean, you¡¯re completely fine! Those little plant thingies fixed you right up after red man so rudely dug his claw into you. Come on, won¡¯t you forgive me? ???????l?????????????????????????m???????i??????????m???????¨¶???s?????????????b??????????????????o????????m??????????i???m???¨²????s??????????????b?????l???????????????m????????????m???????????????s??????t?????????b???????????l???????????????????????m??? This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Ooook. I¡¯m gonna take that as a yes. Now listen up you rookie dirtbags! I¡¯m the commando of this here platoon. What I say is law, and I WILL NOT take any insubordination. Do you hear me!? No funny business or you¡¯re getting the pixie dust grand slamma tornado fists of fury! M????????????????????????????????????¡¯??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????y????????????????????????????????????? ???m???????????a???????????????????¡¯???????????????????????????????!?????????????????? S??????K???R????????????????????????????????????¨¦??????????????????E???????????????E??????????????????????????????????????????????? Heh, I like that energy. Now, FORMATIONS! Red man to the left! Green lady to the right! And I, the most important piece of all, will be in the center. MOVE MOVE MOVE! We skedaddle away¡ªwell, more like only me since red man does this weird crawling thing whenever he moves and green lady tunnels through the earth, but you get what I mean¡ªand surround the dreaded yellow beast like a four way showdown hoedown ol¡¯ western beatdown. The yellow has completely infected the beast. It lets out these, what¡¯s the word, groooowls and spins around like a tipsy turvy top. You¡¯re surrounded, buckaroo. No escaping this one! The jig is up. Green lady, let ¡®er rip! Two giant roots pop up from the ground and slap the yellow beast all willy nilly like a drunk uncle slappin¡¯ his kids after a few too many bears on New Year¡¯s Eve. POW! POW! POW! Sheesh, she¡¯s really going at it, huh? Must be a lotta pent up frustration in that plant noggin. It¡¯s ok green lady; we¡¯ve all been there before. The slap slap slaps manage to knock the wind out of the yellow beast, but, um, I think all we¡¯ve done is make it angrier. Red man, it¡¯s your turn! L????????e????t??????? ????????????m??????y???????????????? ?????????????????b??????????????????¨£????????????d??????????????e??????????????????? ????????????s??????????t?????????r????????????????????i?????k???????????????? ????????????????????r?????????????????????????????????????????????!???????????????? His weird claw thingy appendage bursts out of his chest and manages to slice the beasts¡¯ slug eyes clean off! Thattaboy, red man! I-I¡¯m so proud of you. It¡¯s like watching my child finally take flight from their home to pursue a better life after eighteen years of passive-aggressive hostility and buried trauma. It¡¯s enough to make a grown lady cry¡­ Oh, but the yellow beast definitely isn¡¯t gonna cry today. Because, well, it doesn¡¯t have eyes anymore. And that makes it angry. Angry enough to explode, sending a big blob of yellow acid gunk straight at me. Well, me¡­ it looks like this is the end of the line. I can see it¡ªmy life flashing before my eyes. It was a good life back then, back before the red. I was happy. Everything was so normal. I miss it. I miss it so much. I would give anything to go back to that life again. Maybe death isn¡¯t so scary after all. If I could relive those happy memories forever, then staying stuck in the endless void doesn¡¯t sound that bad. Heh, I¡¯m almost looking forward to it. I¡¯m ready. Free me from this nightmare. M????????????????Y?????????????????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Y???????????????????? ??????????????????????N???????????????????????????????????????????O????????????????????????¨®??????????????????????????????????????????????O?????????????????????????????????????!?????? But before I can finally be set free, red man jumps in front of me and blocks the acid. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! REEEEEEEEED MAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! You¡­ you crudding IDIOT! Why!? Why did you sacrifice yourself for me? If???????? ??????????¨©????????t????????? ??????w???¨§?????r????????????????????n???????¡¯???????t??? ??????f???????????r???????? ?????????????????o??????????¨¶????????,?????? ???????????????? ???????????w?????????????????¨¶??????l??????????d???????? ???????h??????a?????????????????????? ??????n????????????????????v?????????????r??????? ????????w?????????o????k??????e????????????????? ??????????u?????p??? ???????????f?????r?????????o?????m?????? ?????t????????????e???????????? ???????R????????????????d?????????? ?????D??????????r??????????????????????????m?????????.?????? ????T??????????h???????????????? ????w???o??????????r????l???????d????? ???w??????¨«??????????l?????l??????? ?????????¨½??????????????v?????????e??????????????? ?????????????????????s?????????c???????????p???????????e??????????? ???????f??????r????????????m???????? ???????m???????a?????????????????n??????????e?????s??????s???????????,???? ?????????b?????????u????????t??????? ??????d???????????e??????s???????p?????????¨«??t???????¨¨??????? ????????????????t??? ??????¨¡???????????????????,???? ????????y??????????????u?????? ?????s???????t?????¨¬??????l????????l??????? ???????????i????????v???????e????? ????????????????????? ??????????a???? ??????????¨²????????m??????????????????n?????????.???????? ????????????????????¨³??? ?????????r????????????????????i?????s???????????t??????? ???i???t?????????s??????? ????????c?????????????l???????????????.??????? ?????????????????????????????? ????????r??????e??????????s??????i????????s????????t??????? ???????????????????????s?????? ??????????¨ª???????n???????f???????????????????????????t??????¨«??????????n?????.????? ???????P?????????e??????????h??????????¨¤??p???s????????? ?????t??????????h?????????¨º???????????????¨§??????? ?????i??????????? ??????????s????????????¨ª??????l?????????l??????? ???y??????????e?????t?????? ?????????????????????p?????????????????????¡ª?????????h???????????????????p??????????e???????????? ???????f???????????o???????r?????? ???????????h??????e???????r?????????e???????? ????????????????o?????????? ??????b???????????????? ???????a??? ????s?????p??????a?????????r??????k??? ????o????????f?????? ????l??????????i?????????g?????h???????????? ?????????¨¬??????????????? ??????????????????h???????i???????s???????? ????e?????????n?????d???l???????????????????????s????????? ??????g?????l?????????o????????o??????????m?????????.??????? ???Y??????????????u???????? ??????must ???????l???????i??????????v?????e?????????..?????? ???????L???????????????v????????e????? ???????a??????????n??????d???????? ?????b??????????????? ?????h??????a???????p???????p??????y??????.??? I-I-I¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m so, so sorry. Please don¡¯t die. I don¡¯t want you to die. I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sorry Don¡¯t leave me, please Papaw¡­ ¡­ He¡¯s gone, melted into a liquidy puddle. He¡¯s gone. And now, I¡¯m truly alone. Yellow beast has been slayed. Red man¡ªno, dad¡ªis gone. And green lady ran away somewhere. I¡¯m alone. It hurts. I guess all that¡¯s left for me is to enter the mall. Heh. H-Hahah, concrete jungle of dreams~ Waiting for me¡­ Mall: La Finale Knock knock knocking on heaven¡¯s door~ But they won¡¯t let me in. They toss me to the floor. Because I¡¯m a fool (a fool) a sinner and a lout, And bad girls like me can only shout: Why? Why? Why do you flee? God who made me oh so glee. I say hey, hoh, where¡¯d ya go? But ya dun even know because you¡¯re oh so dull. You look at me, eyes of red, and you speak these words of agonizing dread: Ah-rah, dee Soo-guh-goo-gee-goo-gee Goo-guh fli-goo gee-goo Guh fli-goo, ga-goo buh-dee Ooh, guh-goo-bee Ooh-guh-guh-bee-guh-guh-bee Fli-goo gee-goo A-fliguh woo-wa mama¡ª I wonder if god is in the mall. Oop, sorry: God. Gotta capitalize that G or the big G up top will get angry at me. Shopping malls are supposed to have everything you could ever want, but you can¡¯t get everything you want. I only have so many stones, y¡¯know? But if God really is in the mall, I hope he/she/or whatever God identifies as won¡¯t be stingy. I mean¡­ you¡¯re the creator of everything right? It¡¯d be kinda dumb if God was some mean ol¡¯ stooge. I hope God can bring papaw back. But how can you give a new body to someone whose old body is all melted? Eh, I¡¯m sure God¡¯ll figure that out. You can¡¯t be the almighty creator if you don¡¯t have a few tricks up your metaphorical sleeves. But damn¡­ malls sure don¡¯t look like what I thought they¡¯d be. Everything¡¯s old. Decrepit. And falling apart. At least the walls aren¡¯t red like my house, but I can¡¯t really say some dirty, pasty grey and brown is any better. It¡¯s boring. Not really the wonderland I was expecting. All that¡¯s here are shattered windows, broken dreams, and a big shuffling horde of pink people just wafflin¡¯ about. Pink is weird. It¡¯s basically just a lighter shade of red, but unlike red, pink doesn¡¯t really try super hard to infect you. I mean it does infect you, but, ehm, how do I say it¡­ you still look a bit human at least? Well, as human as can be when you¡¯re infected. Red people and green people can be really angsty, but pink people are like cats: docile until you screw up in a way you have no idea why, but they¡¯ll hold a grudge against you regardless and chase you down to the ends of the earth. I should know! I¡¯m a cat all but physically. Meow. Anyways, I can kinda talk to pink people. I never could understand what the heck papaw was saying, though it was fun making it up in my head what he might¡¯ve been, but pink people have this sorta¡­ font to their walkie talkies. I can see it easier. Let¡¯s ask one now for directions! This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Excuse me Mr. pink person. May I spare a moment of your time? Hello child. But of course, how may I be of assistance? Phew, nice. You¡¯re a right proppa gentleman I must say. Oh you flatter me~ Do you know where I can find God? I heard shopping malls have everything you could ever want, and I really really really want God right now so if you could point me in their omnipotent direction I¡¯d really appreciate it. God? Oh you poor child¡­ God has long since abandoned us. ¡­What? I see you are still human despite the red inside you. That is commendable, but it will only bring you suffering, my dear. Be like us and join the dream. Join the dream, and you may yet find the salvation you desire. Nah. Sorry, but I don¡¯t really feel like havin¡¯ any pink. I may be a naive little lady, but I ain¡¯t some no good scoundrel all cheatin¡¯ and like, ya hear me!? Just point me where I need to be pardner, or else you¡¯ll get a taste of my knuckle sandwich. Hm, I suppose insanity is one method to sway the dream¡¯s call. But it will not last forever. Eventually, you will succumb. Like me. Like them. Like everyone on this forsaken earth. I¡¯ll entertain this ruse. Walk down this hallway and take a right. Keep walking until you see a store with the sign ¡®Eden¡¯ on it. It will have the answers you seek, but know that it may not be the answers you want to hear. Yeah yeah yeah, stop your yappin¡¯ already Mr. pink person; I get it already. But I¡¯ll show you! God hasn¡¯t left us. God hasn¡¯t left me. God¡¯ll bring papaw back and give me a new body free of the red. They have to. That¡¯s what malls are for. I pity you, child. May you be blessed with success in your journey. I-I-I will! I will you stinky pink jerk! Hmph, go shuffle away already. No amount of fancy schmancy talk change that you¡¯re pink. PINK! Such a silly color for a silly person. It suits you. Bleh¡­ may as well go find that shop. Hop hop hop and a skip skip skip. Twirl twirl twirl and a whirl whirl whirl. Step by step, our soul marches on. Step by step, our foot saunters on. Eden. Huh. It¡¯s¡­ a TV store? What the heck; is God gonna pop up on the television? There¡¯s only static on them. Heck, I¡¯m surprised they¡¯re turned on at all. Electricity is hard to come by these days, mon ami. I haven¡¯t had a decent night¡¯s sleep in AGES because the power¡¯s cut off and the thermostat is cut off and it¡¯s so cold it¡¯s always so cold. Wait? There¡¯s one TV still playing a thingy at the very back. It¡¯s a news report. There¡¯s no one on it, but there¡¯s something written on the whiteboard. It¡¯s red. Dark red. God isn¡¯t real. God was never real. So who can we call on to save us now? No one. We¡¯re all alone. Pfffsh, what a dum dum. If God isn¡¯t real, then who the heck is that over there? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? There? Ah. God is black. I don¡¯t want to do this anymore. I want to go home. Living Room I don¡¯t like TV¡¯s anymore. God is scary. I don¡¯t want to see God again. But y¡¯know what, pardner? That¡¯s life. Sometimes ya gotta just buckle yourself by the bootstraps and get jiggy with it on the express way to highway 184. So I¡¯m gonna get over this fear of TV¡¯s and turn on the ol¡¯ telly! Luckily, papaw did some fancy radio satellite thingy to it before he turned red so I don¡¯t even need a signal to watch the morning cartoons! Or electricity. I dun know how that works. I miss papaw. I¡¯m so alone. It hurts. It hurts a lot. That¡¯s why you¡¯re here¡­ me! Just the two of us (or one of us technically?) We can make it if we try Just the two of us~ (Just the two of us) I see the red teardrops fall And the beauty of it all Is when the red comes shining through~ To make those waves of red in my mind When I think of you sometime And I wanna spend some time with you! Cartoons are fun. Shame they stopped making new ones, but you know what? I¡¯m satisfied. There¡¯s like hundreds of cartoons all floating around in that digital landscape of abandoned hardware. I¡¯ll never finish them all even if I were to go on a binge marathon for fifty years straight. My favorite cartoon is¡ª Hmmmm? That¡¯s odd. I haven¡¯t seen this one before. Did those stoogy TV execs manage to make a new cartoon? Only the pink people have enough smarts to do something like that nowadays, and all they care about is praying to the ???????????????????. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Curiosity killed the cat, mon ami. Unfortunately for the world, I¡¯m not a cat! Heyo, let¡¯s take a looksie at this here newfangled production. Attention: To anyone out there still unaffected by the ¨€¨€¨€ , know that you are not alone. The world has transformed into a hellish place. There can be no bringing back our old life, but you must not despair. We can still find a life worth living here, for that is humanity: we adapt, struggle, and we survive. We will live. We will find our happiness. We are the Stragglers¡ªhumans who have managed to keep their sanity. We are currently hiding in the underground. It is a safe place, and we will welcome anyone who needs a new home. Please, come find us at the Union Station Metro. Look for the white tags. It will lead you to us. But whatever you do, you must not look at the sky. Never look at the sky. It will infect you. It will turn you into them. This message will repeat for as long as our base is safe. If the broadcast ever stops¡­ do not come. We will all be dead. May we find our way in this broken world. BOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNGGGG! Come on! I was expecting something a little more entertaining than that! All this gloomy talk and stuck-up nonsense¡­ blegh. And what¡¯s all this talk about not looking at the sky? Sure, it¡¯s all red, but I look at it all the time and I¡¯m perfectly fine. I¡¯m perfectly fine. I¡¯m perfectly fine. I¡¯m perfectly fine. The sky is the only pretty thing worth looking at anymore. It¡¯s so beautiful. It¡¯s so dazzling. It¡¯s the only thing keeping me from tearing my skin apart and exposing my red blood for all to see and my red veins from splashing out and my red heart from going beeeeeeeeeeep. The only thing I don¡¯t like about the sky is that thing up there. I dun really know how to describe it, but it kinda looks like God. Only¡­ more red. I think it ate the sun, but who can blame a silly little guy for being a bit hungry? We all get a little peckish sometimes; I can¡¯t fault it for that. But hmm¡­ humans, huh? I don¡¯t really mind the red people and the green people and the pink people (I still don¡¯t like the yellow people), but they don¡¯t really make good conversation partners. And I¡¯m tired of being alone. I¡¯m really tired. Alright. Fine. Let¡¯s see what these roguish buckaroos are like. If I don¡¯t like them, I don¡¯t like them. S¡¯all well even if I don¡¯t because I have you, friendo! Ain¡¯t no company like your own company. But man, Union Station is pretty far. I don¡¯t really like walking that much not gonna lie. It¡¯s gonna be such a draaaaag. Eh. Let¡¯s go find a blue dog. I need a new Rocinante after Ms. Sue Doughnim died from some heartless little girl failing to feed her on time. How cruel of her¡­ this world really is filled with such despicable people. Next stop: the pet store! Pet Store I like animals. Who doesn¡¯t like animals? Big ones, small ones, fluffy ones, fleshy ones, ones with claws, scary ones, ones with red drool¡­ I just think they¡¯re all pretty neat. I used to have a hamster and a rabbit. I called the hamster Mr. Fatcheeks and¡­ well, Ms. Sue Doughnim doesn¡¯t need any introduction. Mr. Fatcheeks was a brave lad. I heard hamsters were a pretty meek bunch, but Mr. Fatcheeks was nothing like that. He was brave and strong and always going round and round on that wheel of his. Then Ms. Sue Doughnim ate him. I forgot to close her cage and she just tore Mr. Fatcheeks to shreds. When she was done with him, there was nothing left but a big fat puddle of red and a white fluffball full of satisfaction. I don¡¯t really blame Ms. Sue Doughnim for his death. Animals be doing what animals be doing: the hunter be the hunter and the prey be the prey. That¡¯s just how the world works, mon ami. The food chain is brutal. Not gonna lie, though¡­ the food chain is kinda wack these days. Ever since the red, even the animals have become a bit weird. I saw a little rat once swallow a cat whole. Just CHOMP and the orange tabbey was severed from this mortal coil. I squished the rat in retaliation because I like cats and I was really sad, but yeah. Weird. Dogs are still cute though. I want to get a blue dog as my Rocinante, so now we¡¯re here at the pet store! Too bad the whole place is in a mess¡­ geez, do the workers here even do their job? Come on guys, I know you probably get paid minimum wage and are stuck in a dead end job with no hope for the future or any possibility of career advancement so you¡¯re all brooding in depression and hatred at the world for your own failures you refuse to acknowledge is the cause of your own doing, but come on! Not even a sweep? Pfft, lazy sacks of red. I should complain to their manager if I ever see another living being that¡¯s not cuckoo cuckoo crazy. Are there even any dogs here? I dun see nothing. Not even any birds! What kind of pet store doesn¡¯t even have any pets? I¡¯ve been scammed! Hoodwinked! Swindled like some caucasian granny after getting a call from a Nigerian prince! I¡¯m so mad. I¡¯m boiling with anger¡ª If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Uh oh. There¡¯s something over there. It¡¯s a black cat. I think I¡¯m in trouble. Wait¡­ aren¡¯t some cats naturally black? Yeah, that¡¯s right! Just because it¡¯s black doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s infected with black. It could just be a nice kitty¡ª Aaaand it has two heads. Yep. Welp, gotta get outa here. Listen here, pardner: I know my fair share of animal biology, and I ain¡¯t never heard of no cats with two heads. Three heads? It¡¯d be a hydra and that would make sense. Two heads? Oof. Let¡¯s just¡­ tiptoe tiptoe. I don¡¯t think it hears me. Gotta skedaddle away all quiet like, y¡¯know? Hey, I¡¯m actually kinda good at this thing! Well, I would be if I didn¡¯t just knock over a bag of cat food. Shit. I think I¡¯m allowed to swear just this one instance. M?????????????????????????????????????????????E??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????E????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????O??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????¨°?????????????????????????????????????????¨®???????????????????????????O????????????????????????????????O?????????O???????????????????????W??????????????????????????W?????????????????????????W?????????????????????????????????W????????????????????????????W??????????????????????????????????????????????? Ok, yep. We¡¯re running now. Running running RUNNING RUUUUUUNNNNNIIIINNNG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE CAT IS NOT FRIENDLY I REPEAT THE CAT IS NOT FRIENDLY OOOOOOOOH MAAAAMAAAAAAAA! CRASH BLAM SKOOSH WAPOW BRRRRRRR WEWOOWEWOOWEWOOWEWOO I¡¯ve been standing here my whole life Everything I¡¯ve seen twice Now it¡¯s time I realized It¡¯s spinning back around now On this road I¡¯m crawlin¡¯ Save me cause I¡¯m fallin¡¯ Now I can¡¯t seem to breathe right Cause I keep runnin¡¯ runnin¡¯ runnin¡¯ runnin¡¯ RUNNIN¡¯ RUNNIN¡¯ RUNNIN¡¯ RUNNIN¡¯ RUNNIN¡¯ FROM MY HEEEAAAAAARRRRRT OH CRAP HELP THIS LITTLE LADY CAN¡¯T RUN ANYMORE! Y¡¯know, friendo¡­ I¡¯ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Sure, I may have been only on this earth for fourteen or so odd years, but that¡¯s still a lot! I have dreams. I don¡¯t remember what they are, but I have dreams. Getting torn apart like a Sunday roast at your local buffet though? Not really how I imagined it¡¯d all end. Wow, the cat sure does have nice teeth. I hope that black drool doesn¡¯t infect me though. Last thing I¡¯d want is to rise from the grave all black-like. I¡¯m not an adulterer! As much as I cruddin¡¯ hate this red inside me, I believe in a healthy, non-toxic relationship. I¡ª Huh. I¡¯m not dead? I¡¯m not dead! T-The black cat is gone. What the heck? It just sorta disappeared. Oh. Oh I see. It¡¯s the blue dog. The blue dog saved me. The blue dog obliterated it in a giant beam of blue. ARF (¤Å ??? )¤Å G-good pupper¡­ very good pupper¡­ From now on, I dub thee Rocinante the Second! Restaurant I don¡¯t know how long it¡¯s been since I¡¯ve had any food. I¡¯m so hungry. It gnaws and gnaws and gnaws away at my poor little stomach, but even the birds and the bees can¡¯t satiate this paltry bullock. The more I eat, the more I pray. The more I pray, the more I say: I¡ª Ah, screw it pardner. I don¡¯t even have the energy to come up with a catchy tune. Even poor little Rocinante here is feeling the quibbles aren¡¯t you boy? Whine (¡ñ¡ä?`¡ñ) I¡¯m sorry boy¡­ I¡¯m a fool (a fool) a sinner and a lout¡ªhey I still got it in me!¡ª But empty tummies here are a common stout. It¡¯s so gosh darn hard to get food nowadays. I can¡¯t eat the grass because it¡¯s red; I can¡¯t eat the flowers because it¡¯s red; I can¡¯t even chow down on the yuckity yuck yuck dirt because it¡¯s all red! I tried, once. To eat the red. A red bird fell from the sky once all gross-like and oozing with spit and gunk. I spit-roasted that sucker like it was the Fourth of July, but it turns out the red don¡¯t make for good seasoning, pardner. I cried. Then I gagged. Then I vomited. It¡¯s not a good feeling. You can feel this icky, disgusting sensation rising from your throat that keeps getting worse and worse, slowly climbing its way up despite how much you try to force it in, and your eyes start to water as the junk covers every single inch (and centimeter! Don¡¯t want to insult those Europeans y¡¯know) and floods your passage with disgust and self-loathing and bile. Then it comes out. And all you¡¯re left with is a bitter aftertaste and sullied teeth. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. The vomit wasn¡¯t even green¡­ it was red. The only thing that wasn¡¯t red was the stuff in our fridge, but apparently there¡¯s only so long chicken can last before it turns slimy and brown. Papaw used to make it work, but then¡­ yeah. And Momma¡­ she was one of the first to turn black. We don¡¯t mess with black, mon ami. Eh, I didn¡¯t even like her that much anyway so no harm was done to the world! I¡¯m gonna die soon if I don¡¯t get food. I don¡¯t wanna die, sooooo let¡¯s go to a restaurant! I heard those industrial grade freezers can keep them foods nice and non-yucky ya hear? Just gotta find one that isn¡¯t all barred and stuff. People can be so rude sometimes! They put these wooden boards over the doors just to prevent little ladies like me from having a good night¡¯s meal! Greedy fellas they are¡­ someone should have taught them how to share like civilized people. I never could enter any of these foody havens, but now? Hehe, I¡¯ve got a secret weapon with me. Say your prayers, Mickey D¡¯s; it¡¯s clobberin¡¯ time. Rocinante, attenTION! ARF! ?(???)? LET ¡®ER RIP! (?`^¡ä?)¦î¥Ç¨TÒ» ???????????????????? KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The door gets BLASTED to KINGDOM COME heck yeah YOU CRUDDIN¡¯ greedy LOT! That¡¯ll teach ya to share! Now, hand over yer food if you know what¡¯s good for ya¡ª Oh. They¡¯re already dead. Shame shame shame. How could you guys all up and die like that after hoardin¡¯ the goodies!? You guys didn¡¯t even turn red! You¡¯re just¡­ dead. Just hollow eyes and white bleachy bones. Ah, well. More for us, Rocinante! C¡¯mon, I¡¯ll find ya some nice frozen patties to snack on. There¡¯s gotta be something in this here eatery. Now let¡¯s take a looksie¡­ moldy bread uh-huh¡­ some brown lettuce¡­ what? Eeeeeeew, the milk¡¯s all chunky and blegh. Crud¡­ there¡¯s nothing here. Guess I should¡¯ve expected that since the freezer¡¯s turned off. What¡¯re we gonna do now pupper¡­? Sniff (o?©³¦Ø©·?o) Hmmmm? I-Is that? It is! Oh lord have mercy it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s¡­ the luxury only told off in legends. It¡¯s so beautiful. It¡¯s so shiny. Thank you, thank you really cruddin¡¯ scary God in the sky¡­ thank you for your blessed boon upon this unworthy soul. Bottom¡¯s up, boy! Tonight, we¡¯re having Chef Boyardee! Boy? Pupper? What¡¯re you¡ª EEEEEEEW NOOOO! BAD BOY! VERY BAD BOY! DO. NOT. EAT. THE. CORPSES!!!! You¡¯ll get a stomachache! Parasites are a very real thing, y¡¯know? Haaah¡­ well, I guess as long as he¡¯s happy. More for me then~ Church Now, I¡¯m still stickin¡¯ with what I said before: God is one scary buckaroo. Just looking at it felt like there were worms squirming around in my eyes, but you know what? I¡¯m polytheistic, baby! Ain¡¯t no way that one stinky God is the only god with a lowercase g we¡¯ve got. There¡¯s the.. well, red thing always in the sky. That could be a god, although it gives off more of a hellspawn vibe to me than anything else. There¡¯s those super macho buff gods in those viking or roman stories like Zeus and Odin and Aphrodite (Aphrodite my beloved), so surely at least one of them would be willing to give me a helping hand! I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s obvious or not by now pardner, but there ain¡¯t really many other people left worshippin¡¯ them. The pink people worship this metaphysical concept that transcends our concept of a flesh-bodied soul and observable universe through light particles and cones transmitted into the tricky, easily-deceivable little things we call eyes. I dunno what the red or green or yellow people worship. They just look kinda dumb all the time. And Rocinante¡­ I think Rocinante¡¯s just always hungry. People, though? They all worship the capital G God. I used too as well, but ain¡¯t no way in red am I gonna bow down before that really really really really really really scary black void of nothingness. Screw that! So I decided to pay a little visit to the local Catholic church. Why the Catholic church in particular? There¡¯s no other churches around here, mon ami. That¡¯s part of livin¡¯ in the Midwest for ya: all the churches here believe in the good baby Jesus. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. It¡¯ll be fineeeee. I¡¯m already a sinner baby, so if I¡¯m gonna go down to hell anyway, I may as well come a legend. Where else am I gonna potentially contact divine forces beyond my understanding? The local coffee shop? No way, friendo. Coffee is for nerds and depressed programmers. Pee-yew, though! There¡¯s, like, a TON of sleepy beddy bye corpses here. They¡¯re sitting all creepy like on the wooden seat thingies with their hands clasped together all boney-like. Arf¡ª ROCINANTE. WHAT. DID. I. SAY? Whine m(_ _)m You just had a buffet at the golden arches you spoiled little pupper! No means no, and doing that aaww cute > - < face is NOT gonna help you. Anyway, don¡¯t you think Jesus¡¯s story is, like, really messed up? Like, poor dude ya know? They just skewered that sucker and hung him up to dry in the sun like a big sardine. What did Jesus ever do to them, huh? Well, besides spreading the gospel of a new religion that threatened the current power dynamic of the Roman Empire and it¡¯s hegemony over the citizens. ¡±On the third day he shall rise¡± why? Why the third day specifically? Seems awfully specific, but I guess those gods or God sure do like partaking in a little bit of tomfoolery. I think I¡¯ll try to summon Loki. He seems like a fun fella to be around. Not too sure about the whole transforming into a mare and being impregnated by a horse thing¡­ like, I don¡¯t judge man. I really don¡¯t, but some things are just a bit too much. I can look past it though if he can score me some sick golden locks. I¡¯m tired of this red hair and red eyes and red heart and red soul. Let¡¯s see¡­ I just gotta step up here and get down on me knees, right? Ahem: Oh mischievous lord of the¡ª jvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcljvvhaaolwbywslkvcl Huh. That wasn¡¯t supposed to happen. Haven¡¯t the foggiest idea what it means, but I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll figure it later. Was that supposed to be from Loki? Or some other god with a lowercase g? I dun know, but my head hurts. It¡¯s as if I¡¯m not the one that¡¯s supposed to be receiving this. I¡¯m just a window. A looking glass. Gods, if you¡¯re watching me, then you can f*** right off! Rude sacks of crud¡­ warn a little lady before you go and mess around with my brain. It¡¯s already all cuckoo enough! Haaah, let¡¯s just get outa here Rocinante. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll be attending mass ever again. Gas Station I am the serpent¡ªthe devil for whom all fear and loathe! And as my first order of pure, pitch-black evil¡­ I¡¯ll steal from this here gas station! What shall I steal, you ask? Why, gas of course! Because gas is black. I¡¯m pretty sure evil likes black, and I¡¯m evil right now, so I¡¯m gonna slurp up that gas like no tomorrow! Wait wait wait¡­ but God is black. So wouldn¡¯t evil be white? Dis here¡¯s quite the conundrum pardner. To black or not to black: That is the question. I mean, it¡¯s not like God is evil, right? That can¡¯t be right. Why would there be so many sunday school teachers if God is evil? Nah, I think society just got it all wrong and white¡¯s actually the real evil. All my fellas hate white! Worst thing to grace humanity. But man, I dun wanna make this pit-stop all for nothin¡¯, you know? Guess I¡¯ll steal something else instead of chowing down gas. It¡¯s for the better anyway; my tummy¡¯s already full from the Holy Spirit. Now, here in the good ol¡¯ Midwest, gas stations are a magical place, pardner. It ain¡¯t nothin like those seedy backlot hoedown crackhouses where you can find lot lizards and no good hussies all over the place. No no no, our gas chuggers are clean as heck yesiree. Chicken? They¡¯ve got chicken. Hot dogs? You betcha. Heck, I went inside one once with papaw and they were selling fresh bananas. Bananas! And if you know bananas, you know those suckers go brown faster than a mudfish on a rainy day. But that¡¯s not what I¡¯m here for, mon ami (well they wouldn¡¯t have it anyway because the red people probably ate them all). I¡¯m hankerin¡¯ for a little special something¡­ papery. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. That¡¯s right: We¡¯re gonna be stealing some lottery tickets! Every gas station has lottery tickets, and wouldn¡¯t you know it? There¡¯s no mean ol¡¯ misers to stop me from stealing the whole bunch! Hehe, I¡¯ll be one rich little girl in no time! Lemme just scratch them off real quick¡­ Huh? Why¡¯re the numbers all red? Aw confound it, even the tickets are infected with the red now? This sucks. I don¡¯t care anymore. What¡¯s the point of winning if it means depending on those red scoundrels. Life sucks. This whole world¡¯s against me. I¡¯m just a little big riding along the cosmic waves of amusement. Bleh. Rocinante~ I need a hug, you cute pupper. Lemme have some comfort. Woof (¤Å ??? )¤Å You¡¯re the only one for me~ Good boy, very good boy! I don¡¯t even mind that you have like three tails and your teeth are all big and jagged and scary looking. You¡¯re the bestest of boys. Wag ((???|||)) I hope those straggly (scrumpaloos?) no, Stragglers! Yeah, Stragglers like pets. If they don¡¯t let me in with Rocinante then I¡¯ll sock them all with a fist full o¡¯ pixie dust. I haven¡¯t seen another person not all colored in years. Wait, was it years? It might¡¯ve been months. Or days. Weeks? Time¡¯s been all funky for a while. Sometimes today is yesterday, and yesterday is three days into the future. Or I¡¯ll be doin¡¯ something right now, but I don¡¯t see it happen until my sixth birthday. Am I rambling? I¡¯m rambling. But I won¡¯t be. I will yesterday. It¡¯s already all foretold. I¡¯m just waiting for it to all pass. Guess you¡¯re ready cause I¡¯m waiting for you It¡¯s gonna be so exciting Got this feeling really deep in my soul Let¡¯s get out, I wanna go, come along, get it on Gonna take my car (gonna sit in) Gonna drive along (¡®til I get you) Cause I¡¯m crazy, hot and ready, but you like it I wanna race for you~ (shall I go now?) GAS GAS GAS IM GONNA SLURP ALL THE GASS Tonight, I¡¯ll fly! (And be all redder) Yeah yeah yeah I¡¯ll be so quick as a flash And be a winner~ Huh. Y¡¯know what? You¡¯re not so bad tastin¡¯ after all, gas. Got a little bit of an oily aftertaste, but not bad at all. Fills ya right up. 7/10 Union Station It¡¯s finally time lads and lassies. We¡¯re finally here! Man, it¡¯s nice to see this big ol¡¯ chrome dome again. Papaw and I used to take the choo choo express up to cheese county galore. I miss cheese. All the cheese is rotten now, blegh. But that¡¯s not why we¡¯re here, pardner. We¡¯re here to meet some gosh darn flesh and blood humans! It¡¯s been so long. Or so short. I hope they aren¡¯t too mean, cause the last human I saw tried to do the mambo number five on my noggin with a right big hatchet. Not very neighbor like, I must say. Uh, what did the TV say to look for again? I forgot. Help me out here Rocinante~ Woof (?¦Ø? ) Oh, that¡¯s right! The white thingamabobs. Let¡¯s get to crackin¡¯ then. Hmmmmm¡­. HmmMmmMM¡­ HMMMMMmmmm¡­ Welp, I got nothing. No white anywhere here, friendo. Just a whole lotta rust and brown and gunk. When was the last time they cleaned this stinky place? The state of the job market these days¡­ nobody wants to work anymore. Well, not like I¡¯ve ever worked before being a little lady, but I¡¯m sure I¡¯d do a right proper job of it if it were up to me! Yes sir, no lazybones at all in this body of red. Maybe there¡¯s some white where the trains are supposed to be? Hehe, yeah. I¡¯m so smart. Big brain all day. With a step and whirl and a mighty twirl, I come face to face with a horde of swirls. And by swirls I mean red people. A lot of red people. Like, hundreds of red people. No, thousands. Well well well¡­ y¡¯know what, I don¡¯t think I have enough pixie dust for this hoedown showdown. Maybe they¡¯ll listen to reason. Excuse me Mr. red man. Have you seen any white markings around here? C?????????????o??????????????n?????????????s???????????????t???????????????a?????n????????????????????????????a??????????????g?????????????????o?????n??????????y?????????????c???????????????????????¨¾???????????????????????????????t????????????????????????????n???????????????????????????????????????????????s????????????????????e?????r??????????????y????????c?????????????????o??????????n????????????s????????????????????t??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????s???¨±?????????????????f???????????????f?????????????e?????????r???????i???????????????????????????g???????????????c??????o????????????????n???????????s?????????????????????????????????????????n???t???????????????????????a??????????¨½?????????????????g????????????????????????????????????????????????????s????????????????h???????????c?????????????????????n???????????????????????????????????????????????a?????????????n????????????????t???p????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Yeah yeah yeah, I get it. Boohoo. Anyway, just answer the darn question. N??????????????????????.??????????????? ???????????????¨¢????????????l??????????????l?????????????????????? ?????????????????¨©???????????? ??????????????s?????????????????????e?????????????e????????????? ????????????????????s??????? ????r??????????????????e?????????????????d?????????????? ??????¨¡?????????????????n?????????????????????????????? ???????r????????????e??????????????d?????????????? ???????????????????????????????¨¾?????d???????????????? ??????????r????????????????????e??????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????n????????????d????????????? ?????????????????????r?????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????n???????d?????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????d????????? ???????????????????a?????????????????????n?????????????????????????? ?????????????r??????????????????e???????????d???????????? ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????r????????????????????????????????d?????????? ??????????¨¤??????????????????????d??????? ?????????????????r???????????????????????????????????????d??????????? Ok, there. You¡¯re not special. I also see red too. Too much damn red. You¡¯re just a drop in the red ocean, buckaroo. Don¡¯t get ahead of yourself. ??????????????????????¨®???r????????????????????????????????y?????????????? Well, as long as you understand. But maaaaan, I should¡¯ve known asking these knuckleheads would be useless. Their brains are all a messy, red mush. Mine is still ok though, because my brain is smart. The red can¡¯t take you if you¡¯re smart. Guess the rest of humanity was just too darn dumbo. Hoh? Wait a minute¡­ doth mine eye spy a particular vestige of the most pale ivory? Hohoho, ¡®tis true indeed, it appears. Yes, that¡¯s the white I¡¯m looking for! It¡¯s all plastered over a manhole cover. Oh. ¡°Underground¡±. Huh, I should¡¯ve clued in on that earlier. Guess my brain really is smooth after all. Oh well. I found it. Doesn¡¯t matter now. Let none bear witness to my tomfoolery and live to tell the tale. Down down down we go! Clunk goes the ladder. Swoosh goes the sound of flowing sewage beneath me. Bark goes Rocinante as he squirms around in my arms like a bad little doggy. Whine ? ?? ? ??? We¡¯re almost there you impatient pupper. Just hold on for a little bit, sheesh. With my two right feet planted on the yucky floor of the sewer, I look around and spy with my little eye¡­ nothing. There¡¯s no humans here! What the heck? There¡¯s just a big metal door. Why I outta have Rocinante blast that no-good little¡ª No, no. You are a civilized little lady, me. Can¡¯t be trashing down people¡¯s homes when I¡¯m a guest now, can I? Let¡¯s knock politely like my papaw would always say. Knock knock. Silence. Knock knock. Silence. Ok I¡¯m really going to blast down this door now¡ª ¡°Huh? Is¡­ is there someone actually there?¡± A voice slowly peaks out. ¡°Holy crap there¡¯s actually another living person? Ehrm, say something a human would say whoever¡¯s out there!¡± Hi. ¡°Oh, hi! You¡¯re a person!¡± Yeppers. ¡°Are you¡­ like them?¡± Like the red people? Nuh-uh. I¡¯m much more sophisticated than those stinky losers. ¡°Red people? Is that what you call them? Huh. Anyway, you¡¯ve got quite the mouth on you. Didn¡¯t your parents tell you to be polite? Where are your parents anyway?¡± Papaw¡¯s dead. Mom turned into black sludge. ¡°Oh. I¡¯m¡­ sorry for bringing that up. It¡¯s a tough world nowadays.¡± It¡¯s fine. I have Rocinante to keep me company. ¡°Rocinante?¡± Yep. He¡¯s my pupper. Want to pet him? Well, you¡¯d have to open the door first. ¡°Ack! So sorry about that. I should¡¯ve opened it sooner.¡± With a biiiig creak, the metal door slides out and an actual, real human woman steps out covered in some kinda funky cloth/armor thingy. Is that a gun? I think it¡¯s a gun. Cool. ¡°Oh, darling. You¡¯re just a little girl¡­¡± she mumbles while giving me a big hug. It feels really nice. I can¡¯t even feel the red anymore. It¡¯s warm. ¡°Now, where¡¯s this pupper of yours¡ª¡± She takes a glance at Rocinante, and then lets out a bloodcurdling scream. Sewer Huh? The woman suddenly pulls out her six shooter and points it directly at Rocinante. Oh heck no. WHOLLUP! I sock her straight in her no good schemin¡¯ little chin and she falls to the floor splat like a hardy sack of red potatoes. What tha heck was that all about? Mighty rude to point that double barrel at someone¡¯s friend, not gonna lie. Why I outta give her the ol¡¯ one-two again for this cuckoo crazy little hussie¡­ Woof ?(????????) No, no. It¡¯s not your fault, Rocinante. There are just some people in this world that are rude as crud. Pay them no heed. But, uh, yeah. She¡¯s, like, out out. Think I¡¯m starting to hear some snores too. That¡¯s weird. Anyway, I¡¯m starting to think otherwise about this whole excursion. That hug she gave me was pretty nice, but I ain¡¯t moving into no community that shoots up nice little doggies for no darn good reason. I¡¯m gonna find the head honcho of this shindig and give him a piece of my mind! As soon as the woman wakes up, that is. I¡¯m no rude little lady. I properly watch over the victims of my assault like a civilized member of society, though I am confiscating her boomstick first just in case she goes trigger happy like before. Yep. Just waiting. And waiting. Snooooooozzeeeee. ¡±H-Huh? What just¡­¡± the woman says after an ETERNITY of waiting waiting waiting. Finally woken up now, have you? I don¡¯t take kindly to sudden acts of violence, mon ami. Say sorry to Rocinante! Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡±R-Rocinante? Who¡­ nevermind. Sweetie, walk over to me very, very slowly.¡± Why? ¡°Why? That¡­ that thing right next to you is dangerous. Very dangerous.¡± Rocinante¡¯s not dangerous! He¡¯s a good pupper! ¡°I-I¡¯m sorry. Was he your dog before the Red Night?¡± The whattahuh? No, I just found him like seven days ago. But he¡¯s a good dog! Just look at those cute little eyeballs of his! ¡°C-Cute? Um¡­ I don¡¯t see any eyes. I don¡¯t think it has eyes.¡± That¡¯s because you¡¯ll turn into mush if you look at them directly. ¡°Then how do you know they¡¯re cute?¡± I just do. Anyway, point is you dirty down scoundrel, Rocinante is NOT dangerous. He¡¯s a very nice and kind and special boy, aren¡¯t you? Bark ???( ?????? ¡¤? ??????? ) See? Now say sorry! ¡°O-ok. Sorry, um, Rocinante.¡± Hehe, alls well that ends well. Now can we go see the other flesh bags? ¡°¡­I¡¯m not sure, sweetie. I don¡¯t know how you¡¯ve managed to stay uninfected while traveling with one of the Pallid, but we can¡¯t risk letting that¡­ dog contaminating us.¡± It¡¯s fiiiiiiine. Blue things don¡¯t contaminate people. ¡°Blue?¡± Huh? You never noticed? ¡°No. Because we¡¯d be dead if we went outside.¡± Really? Sheesh, what a bunch of drama queens. Anyway, if blue did actually infect people, then it would¡¯ve already gotten rid of this red inside me a loooooong time ago. Her face goes pale and she suddenly jumps up and slams herself against the wall. What an odd, odd person. ¡°You¡¯re infected with the Influence?¡± What? You mean the red? Yuh-huh. ¡°S-Since when?¡± Since that big ol¡¯ guy popped up in the sky. It¡¯s really annoying sometimes, but that¡¯s just life I suppose. We just gotta keep keeping on. ¡°What? But that was¡­ you¡¯ve been enduring the influence for that long?¡± Don¡¯t be such a big baby. It was only, like, a few days ago. Or was it a year ago? Or maybe it was tomorrow. Or maybe it hasn¡¯t happened yet. I dunno. She looks at me like I¡¯m speaking utter nonsense (meanie!) but suddenly softens her expression for some reason. ¡°Oh, honey. You¡­ I see now. You¡¯ve been suffering all this time without turning into one of them. I can¡¯t imagine how much pain you¡¯re in.¡± Honestly, it¡¯s not that bad. My brain goes red sometimes and it feels like every piece of my body is being ripped apart piece by piece, but other than that it¡¯s pretty chill. So¡­ you gonna let us in or am I gonna have to go back home? I don¡¯t really want to since mom is still there, but it¡¯d be rude of me to keep bothering you fine folks if you don¡¯t want me. She pauses for a second, carefully looking up and down Rocinante, before sighing and waving us in. Score! ¡°Alright. But I can¡¯t let you into the main base right now. I have to let you meet someone first.¡± That¡¯s A-ok! Let¡¯s see who really runs this stinky place. Tunnel ¡°Ah, come to think of it, I never asked for your name.¡± Why¡¯d ya need to know something so dumb like that? ¡°Huh? Dumb?¡± That¡¯s right, friendo. Names are a stinky dumb little societal construct we attach to flesh bags and useless things because we want to get attached to them and get familiar with them and I just don¡¯t really get along with that ol¡¯ hoot a nanny. ¡°O-Oh, is that so? Wait, then¡­ why did you name your dog Rocinante?¡± Because that¡¯s his name, duh. ¡°I see¡­¡± She¡¯s looking at me with those big puppy dog eyes, but I¡¯m not gonna fall for it! Papaw always told me to never give my name out to strangers. Like a scary stuff they can do nowadays on the World Wide Web just with a single name. Like, they could find my home and egg my house and write mean stuff on the¡ª It¡¯s Lily. ¡°I¡¯m sorry?¡± I said my name is Lily! Geez, how rude asking for someone¡¯s name and then not even listening when they give it to you. Didn¡¯t anyone teach you how to be fancy manners like person? Good little ladies always listen to others; that¡¯s what my papaw would always say. ¡°Oh! Lily! Why, that¡¯s a very beautiful name, Lily. My name¡¯s Jasmine. Nice to meet you.¡± ¡­Hmph. The proverbial pleasure is mine. At least your voice isn¡¯t stinky like your poor listening skills. ¡°Hehe, you¡¯re a very interesting girl, aren¡¯t you?¡± Is that an insult!? ¡°Oh, gracious no. It¡¯s a compliment. Nowadays¡­ it¡¯s hard to find anyone with the same spirit and spunk you do, even if you say some strange things sometimes. It¡¯s refreshing, almost like I¡¯ve gone back before the¡­ well, you know.¡± Nah. Say it clearly please. I dunno what I dunno. ¡°You¡­ really don¡¯t know? About the outside?¡± The outside¡¯s been the same as it ever was, lady. This here world¡¯s always been a messy hive of scum and villainy. Eh, well not always. There¡¯s some good. I don¡¯t have to use those useless green little paper junk pieces and I don¡¯t have to continue torturing myself in the absolute garbage we call the United States education system and a lot of the days I get to see Ms. Sue Doughnim singing angels up high way up high and¡ª Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. ¡°Lily? Are you ok?¡± What¡¯dya mean, Jasmine rice? I¡¯m all fine and dandy. Hey hoh here she goes Either a little too high or a little too low Got no self esteem or vertigo Cause she think she¡¯s made of candy Hey hoh there she goes Either a little too loud or a little too close Got a hurricane at back of her throat She thinks she¡¯s fine and dandy She thinks she¡¯s fine and dandy She thinks she¡¯s fine and dandy She thinks she¡¯s fine and¡ª ¡°LILY!¡± Jasmine rice suddenly grabs my shoulders all of a sudden and shakes me like a kernel in a popcorn bucket. Wabababababaabbababab sploooooooooooosh. My brain¡¯s singing to the far seas. I can see the river stud before me. It¡¯s grey. Or gray? I dunno. But it¡¯s a new color. Is that the river stix? Or is it a tunnel of dashed hopes and dreams? The red¡¯s starting to take over I can¡¯t think straight the red¡¯s taking over I can¡¯t be human I can¡¯t be¡ª SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! Ow! Y-You slapped me! ¡°Lily, you were¡­ I don¡¯t know what you were doing, but I think something¡¯s really wrong with you. Um, that sounds really bad. I don¡¯t mean you, but the Influence taking over you. Are you really sure you¡¯re ok?¡± What¡¯dya mean, Jasmine rice? I¡¯m all fine and¡ª No. No I¡¯m not. ¡°What?¡± I never am. But what am I supposed to do, otherwise? All I can keep doing is endure and endure and endure. The red¡¯s never gonna leave, and this is the only way for me to cope with the constant, endless agony. The torment of spending your every waking moment fighting for control and watching yourself devolve into a mindless facsimile of what you once were. It¡¯s tiring. It¡¯s gut-wrenching. Can you imagine that? Every second of every day. Vile, disgusting red, coursing through your veins. And you know you can¡¯t stop it. You know you can¡¯t escape it. You just have to live with it month by month and year by year. Who am I? Who was I? I don¡¯t know anymore, and I don¡¯t care. I can¡¯t care much these days because all I¡¯m thinking of is how to endure another day of this constant pain. So I¡¯d appreciate it if you let me just have these moments of insanity because that¡¯s the only way for me to ignore the worms trying to force their way into my very being. Can you do that for me? ¡°U-U-Um, ok. If that¡¯s what you want.¡± Thank you. I really mean that. So anyways, what¡¯s that stinky leader of yours like? I bet they¡¯re one mean ol¡¯ miser. Who the crud teaches people to shoot innocent little dogs? That¡¯s some really sociopathic behavior right there, pardner. You should help me knock some sense into him when we arrive at the super secret base. ¡°Actually, we¡¯re already here.¡± Jasmine rice points to a yucky looking door caked in brown gunk. ¡°This is as far as I can take you. Mr. Wilson is the one who¡¯ll decide if you can stay or not.¡± She leans in close and gives me another hug, but it¡¯s weird this time. Well, weirder than before. I wonder if this is what it would be like if I had an actual mom. ¡°I¡­ can¡¯t fully understand what you¡¯ve been through, Lily. I probably never will, but what I do know is that you¡¯re so, so strong. And I know that Mr. Wilson will see that same strength within you, so don¡¯t worry too much. Just remember to be, ehm, less abrupt when you speak.¡± I can¡¯t make any promises, mon ami. If he deserves a knuckle sandwich then I¡¯m gonna deliver a knuckle sandwich to him. ¡°Hehe, alright then. Hopefully I¡¯ll see you in a little bit.¡± She opens the door and pushes me into the room. Inside, a real hard-boiled looking man is staring daggers straight at me. Alright, buckaroo. Let¡¯s do this. Headshot ¡°So you¡¯re the infected girl?¡± says the gruff macho man. I can practically feel the hard-boiledness oozing off of his greasy, slicked back hair. The dude looks like he just came from some kinda 40¡¯s mobster flick. We¡¯re already all infected Mr. Macho Man. You silly little guys are just in denial. ¡°Is that so?¡± Yuppers. Infected with the indomitable spirit of humanity, that is! Eyo, can I get a up top? ¡°I think I¡¯ll pass.¡± Well, sucks for you then. He grimaces like I just insulted his entire bloodline or something and motions to the door. ¡°Before we talk, can you leave your¡­ thing outside? If it¡¯s as mild-mannered as you claim, then it¡¯ll act all docile even if you¡¯re gone, right?¡± You mean Rocinante? Coolio, no problemo. You better be a good boy while I¡¯m gone you cutie patootie! Whine ? ?? ? ??? Aw, don¡¯t be like that pupper. I¡¯ll be back before you know it. Rocinante trots out (or is it slithers?) of the room, leaving me and Mr. Macho Man to face off all cowboy style. ¡°¡­ Do you always narrate your thoughts out loud?¡± Huh!? You can hear the inner most dark secrets bundled within my maiden heart? Shame on you¡­ you¡­ you lecher! ¡°I don¡¯t really have a choice when you¡¯re blabbering all about it yourself. Macho Man? 40¡¯s Mobster flick?¡± You have a problem with how I cope with these turbo thoughts, big guy? Sheesh, didn¡¯t take you for the type of person to judge. Jasmine was much more polite than you. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°I see,¡± he says, rubbing his forehead. Now he¡¯s glaring at me. Now he¡¯s sighing. Now¡ª ¡°Alright, alright. I get it. Let¡¯s get started.¡± Should¡¯ve done that earlier. Humph! ¡°Now, I don¡¯t mind eccentric people Lily. Nor do I mind those who¡¯ve gone mad. What I want to know above all else is if you¡¯ll be a danger to this community. I¡¯m already itchin¡¯ towards my gun after seeing that monster you call a dog, but I haven¡¯t shot it yet because I want to trust you. Trust. It¡¯s a very important value, and without it, we¡¯d all be dead before those horrors above ground. Do you understand me?¡± Sir, yes sir! ¡°Ok. Looks like your noggin is still working, deranged though it may be. I¡¯m going to ask you a couple of questions. All I ask is that you be truthful. Do you understand me?¡± Uh-huh. ¡°Repeat back what I just said.¡± Something something asking questions answer with my heart laid bare, right? ¡°Well, that¡¯s good enough. Now, how long have you been this way?¡± What¡¯dya mean? ¡°You know what I mean.¡± Party popper¡­ ok, well, I dunno exactly. It¡¯s an eternity there! All I really remember is that it was a looooooooooong time ago. Long, long time ago. ¡°I see. And have there been any changes in your body since then?¡± Eh, not really. The only problem¡¯s this red red red burrowing in my head head head. But I don¡¯t look like the red people outside if that¡¯s what you mean. ¡°Red people? Can you elaborate on that?¡± Well, they¡¯re red. So I call them red people. ¡°¡­I see. And what about your dog? What color is it?¡± Blue, you dum dum! Isn¡¯t that obvious? ¡°Hm.¡± What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± ¡°Nothing. Moving on, have you ever blacked out or had moments where it feels as if you¡¯ve suddenly lost your memory?¡± Nope. Every second, every agonizing moment, I¡¯m awake as awake can be! I can¡¯t stop it even if I wanted to. ¡°Ah. My apologies.¡± Aw, don¡¯t worry about it. I¡¯m used to it by now. ¡°Alright. Final question.¡± Ooooh here we go here we go! I¡¯m super excited. ¡°Do you know about ¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€¨€?¡± ¡­ ¡°Lily?¡± It¡¯s an eternity in there. ¡°Lily? Are you ok?¡± Drop by drop. We all fall down. We stare at the sky, and we get ever so close to the edge. To the stars. Oh that twinkling little star, grantor of wishes. ¡°I¡¯m warning you, don¡¯t take another step!¡± Do you know what red is the color of? ¡°Back off. I said back off!¡± It¡¯s the color of passion. It¡¯s the color of hatred. And it¡¯s the color of ¨€¨€¨€. BLAM! You shouldn¡¯t have done that mister. Now, you¡¯re all red too. Wonderland Back then, I didn¡¯t really understand color. No, I couldn¡¯t understand, because the whole world before my eyes was stained in a perpetual filter of black and white. Complete Achromatopsia is what those fancy doctors called it. You ever watch an old silent movie? That¡¯s what it was like for me my entire life, only I didn¡¯t realize movies weren¡¯t supposed to be like that until I got locked in the basement by mom for being a defect. I didn¡¯t realize that everyone saw something different from me until my kindergarten teacher told me to find the ¡®red apple¡¯. Red. Blue. Yellow. What are they? What do they mean? Nobody really had a clear answer for me. To some, it was a feeling. To others, it was just a natural part of life. Papaw told me that red was his favorite color, because it was the color of passion. Of desire. Of the will to chase after your dreams no matter how much the world scolded you otherwise. To him, red was a symbol for the dreams still waiting to be fulfilled inside him. I didn¡¯t understand. I couldn¡¯t understand. I wanted to, so, so badly, but no matter how much I tried to wrack my brain for this alien concept called ¡®color¡¯, the more I just became frustrated with myself. Frustrated that I was different, that I wasn¡¯t normal. That I was an emotionless doll that couldn¡¯t truly empathize with anyone around me. Since I couldn¡¯t see color, I couldn¡¯t feel the emotions associated with them. That¡¯s what I thought, what I believed, what I told myself over and over again in the hopes that I would finally be able to connect with someone if I could just see any, any, color except for black or white. On that day, I would finally be able to hold my head high and be just like everyone else. But it didn¡¯t come. Year after year I waited, but my vision stayed the same. I buried myself in music and movies and all kinds of online stuff and trends so I could understand what it meant to live as a human, but it didn¡¯t change a thing. I was still empty. I was still abnormal. Heh, well, even though I couldn¡¯t understand it, I did get really good at one thing: Acting. I put on a rootin¡¯ tootin¡¯ smile and bellowed out song lyrics like I was right on stage for the whole world to see. But it wasn¡¯t real. I only did it to appease my parents. Still, it was a useful skill to have. I never got harassed for being a weirdo when I entered middle school. On the contrary, I was quite the prima-donna amongst my fellow classmates. Every day I¡¯d hang out with some new group and be invited to all kinds of ¡®fun¡¯ stuff and activities like bowling or snowboarding or even just eating out at a restaurant. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. But it wasn¡¯t real. I never felt a thing. So what did I do? Nothing. I gave up. This was my life now, and I was going to deal with it. Because even though I couldn¡¯t really count that meaningless existence as living, I didn¡¯t want to die. I wanted to stay alive in this monochrome world, for the other alternative would be to face an eternity of true emptiness. ¡°Apples are red.¡± But aren¡¯t there green apples, too? Eh, no one really ever mentions it, so it¡¯s fine. ¡°The daytime sky is blue.¡± Oh, what wonderful weather we¡¯re having today! It¡¯s a beautiful blue sky up there isn¡¯t it? Yes, it¡¯s really pretty indeed Ms. Sue Doughnim. ¡°The sunflowers are yellow.¡± Poppy seeds and banana on rye. Yellow mush and everything¡¯s alright. Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. ¡­Do you know what Wonderland is, partner? It¡¯s a story about a little girl named Alice who goes on a magical adventure after chasing after a white rabbit. There, she embarks on a journey where she discovers her true self and the fun to be had away from the waking world. I wanted to go to Wonderland. I wanted to meet the red queen. But how were you supposed to even get there? No luck, I¡¯m afraid. I kept searching all around our yard for even the finest of entryways, but nope. Reality had been as it always was: disappointing. Who would I have even been if I were to go to wonderland? Certainly not Alice, for she¡¯s a bubbly and bright girl. No, I think I would prefer to be the mad hatter. He¡¯s simply someone who enjoys every second of life they have without any worries. I thought that was cool, to never have to care about anyone else or what they thought of you. It sounded like heaven. And so, some days, I¡¯d just go out onto our backyard and hope for a comet or something to pass by so I could wish myself into that paradise called Wonderland. It didn¡¯t matter if it was hot. It didn¡¯t matter if it was cold. It didn¡¯t matter if I was being constantly eaten alive by the bugs and filthy critters around me. I¡¯d look up at the black and white sky. No sound. No thoughts. Just enjoying the moment. It was calming, in a way. I felt at peace whenever I went outside. Until the day finally came. I don¡¯t really remember much about what I was doing, but I only remember gasping out in surprise. In wonder. In complete, utter joy. Because way up there, amidst the monochrome night, I saw a star. And it was red. I-It was red. I couldn¡¯t even comprehend what red even was before, but at that moment I knew for certain that the mysterious thing before me was truly the color Red. I cried. I bloomed. I assimilated. The star asked me for my wish. I answered. And then, I became Red. I would be red for all of eternity. Just red. Oh dear, these red little tea cakes taste quite odd. Are you sure this is fresh, Ms. Sue Doughnim? No, no, I¡¯m not blaming you for anything. It¡¯s just¡­ a peculiar taste, is all. It¡¯s chewy and bitter and bloody? Blood. Yes, that¡¯s the taste. There¡¯s blood in these tea cakes. Oh that mad hatter~ ever the trickster aren¡¯t they? Hm? What¡¯s that? These aren¡¯t tea cakes? Yes, yes I suppose you¡¯re right. These aren¡¯t tea cakes at all. They¡¯re intestines. Red. Red. And Red. Sorry Jasmine rice, I couldn¡¯t help myself. You just taste too good. Gehenna Well. Guess the plan to hang out with other humans is capoot. My stomach¡¯s full. I don¡¯t like it. I want to throw up. But is that going to change anything? No. No it won¡¯t. So I¡¯ll just keep on keeping on like I always have. Well, preferably far away from other people. I don¡¯t want to do that again. Where¡¯s Rocinante again? I don¡¯t remember where he went. I don¡¯t remember much of anything except, well, yeah. Oh. There he is. I found him. He¡¯s in my stomach too. ¡­ I¡¯m alone again. Alone with the red. Suppose I¡¯ll just go back home. Mom¡¯s there. Even though I hate that spiteful little black hag, two¡¯s a company partner. Two¡¯s a company. Who knows? Maybe she¡¯ll have learned to be a less black-hearted pile of sludge when I get back. Ya never know. One-two. Up the ladder. Three-four. Through the manhole. Hm? All the red people left. That¡¯s weird. Did something shoo them away? There¡¯s something fluttering above me. It sounds weird¡­ almost like some kinda goofy sparkle sparkle you would see in the ol¡¯ Disney cartoons. Hehe, it¡¯s a funny sound. Twinkletwinkletwinkletwinkle. This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it Except the thing making that sound isn¡¯t funny at all. Or pretty. Or even purdy. It¡¯s a purple dove. Now that¡¯s a color you don¡¯t see often. Heck, that¡¯s a color I¡¯ve never even seen before! Wow, so that¡¯s what purple looks like huh? It¡¯s kinda majestic in a way¡ª ?????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ???????? ???????? ????????, ????????????? Huh? Who¡¯s the mama? I don¡¯t remember ever giving birth to a feathery big bundle of flesh like you. I¡¯m not even old enough to be a mother! ?????? ?????????????? ????. ?????? ???????????????? ???????? ???????? ?????????? ???????????????????? ???? ??????????. ???????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ????????????. ???????? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????????????? ??????????????. Well, I don¡¯t remember ever doing something like that! What are you even here for, anyway? ?????? ???????? ???????????????? ???????? ?????????? ???????? ????????????. ???????????? ???? ???????????????? ????????????. ???? ???????? ?????? ?????? ???????? ?????? ???? ???????????? ??????????????, ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????????? ???????????? ???? ???????????? ?????? ????????. Who are you even talking about¡ª Oh. Him. Well, if you can even call that a him. The thing is more like an it if you ask me. A big, nasty, disgusting It. ????????????¡­ I don¡¯t want to see it. It¡¯s responsible for this whole mess in the first place. That thing can rot in Gehenna for all I care. Now shoo. ???? ???????? ?????????? ???????? ????????? ?????????? ???? ???? ?????????? ?????????? ?????? ?????? ????????. ???????????????????? ???? ????????????. ???????????????????? ?????????????? ?????? ????????????????. ?????? ???????????????? ?????????????? ?????? ?????? ???????????????? ?????? ?? ????????????. ???????????????? ????????: ???????? ???? ?????? ???? ???????? ???????????? ??????. Hah. Persistent little bugger, are you? But¡­ I guess you¡¯re right. My madness is starting to fade anyway. It¡¯s about time I get a new dose. Fine, lead the way chirpy. Once I get what I want, I¡¯m leaving for good.