《We Die, But Do We Live?》 Prologue: You and Me Beautiful serenades. Oh, to sing an aria under the night sky for you. I¡¯ve always dreamed of luscious foliage in the midnight summer courtyard. We tend to sneak in through the back entrance at night whenever we feel like it, and stargaze; school life¡¯s naught without their fair share of trouble, right? At least that¡¯s what I believed. I still remember it so fondly. The way we would laugh, having small-talks and stuff while we rested ourselves on the never-ending lushes of grass washed in a beautiful pastel green. I can almost fall asleep laying down. We¡¯ve always wondered, oh to have such a starry sight anywhere else in town, but we knew it was because of the landmark. The school is built atop the high cliff, and it¡¯s usually a long road walk to and from here. The stars light up the most here, and to have such a clear view of it ¡ª I wouldn¡¯t have it any other way. Then, with no moment to spare, I told her, ¡°hey, random thought ¡ª totally out of the blue. But like, do you wonder if,¡± I paused. Words stuck at the top of my throat, ¡°anytime other than summer break, we could stargaze again together..? No one else, just us.¡± I was young at the time. Captivated by the moment. Enthralled and embezzled in the midnight delight. Before I knew it, I¡¯ve come to terms with my feelings for her, and I no longer want to back away from it. There''s no turning back now, is it? ¡°Yeah.¡± I heard her, silently whispering underneath her breath, ¡°let¡¯s go again sometime.¡± She fiddled with her fingers as she continued to tap on the grass continuously. I glanced at her, noticing how nervous she must¡¯ve felt. I¡¯m sort of touched, because knowing her, she¡¯s not the expressive type. And for what to me seems like a brief moment, I saw her beam up. I didn¡¯t know what to say. I was just happy beyond what I could imagine. I''ve never seen her smile so upfront, so close and personal. It almost seems unreal, so it''s safe to say I was in disbelief as I asked her, ¡°You promise, right¡­?¡± Still locked in the fantasy. I was wondering just what could¡¯ve been going on in her mind? I want to know what she¡¯s thinking, and especially her impression on me. I tried to avert my gaze, but I couldn''t. I don¡¯t want to. And neither does she. Her eyes shot up and she looked me in the eye, and after collecting her thoughts, she told me, ¡°I promise, Natsuyuki-kun.¡± We were still on a last name basis. I guess none of us had the balls to start calling each other by our first names. Regardless, too many feelings were running amok amidst my shock. I can¡¯t help but be elated by her response. She gently grazes my shoulder, reassuring me, ¡°let¡¯s stay like this forever¡­ okay?¡± I got lost in it. Her eyes. I was completely hypnotized. Have you ever wondered about those precious, boisterous memories ¡ª where you¡¯ll lose your very sense of time? Everything felt frozen in place during this one instance. I was reeled in, like a fish caught by a fishing pole, struggling to get out, but ultimately sucked in. In the eyes of the beholder, she saw me: perplexed, and lost. But in my eyes, she was all that''s made me feel free. My whole life lit up in that moment, and I knew¡­ I just knew: I never want this moment to end. ¡°Yeah.¡± I want you to stay forever with me¡­ but I couldn¡¯t say that to you. She was quiet the whole time. I always feel the pressure to break the silence whenever I¡¯m with someone to not bore them, but I don¡¯t feel like talking. I just want to take this in. She¡¯s a very reserved girl, I know that. I wonder if it relates at all to her name? Her given name is Miyu Chinatsu; Miyu translates to a gentle sea, whilst Chinatsu means a thousand summers. Looking back, her name fits her all right. Notwithstanding, she¡¯s still got her own fair share of problems, at home and at school. Our relationship isn¡¯t exactly the best, and we¡¯re not close enough to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Awkward duo, so it seems. It ended with us gazing into the sky, basking in moonlight. With no words left to say to each other, we smiled as we looked into the panning horizons. The stars are countless, but at that time, I couldn''t see anything but her; nothing was as beautiful as her under the mesmerizing night sky ¡ª tantalizing, and dazzling. I was spellbound by her magic. However, time doesn''t repeat itself, and these precious moments come to stay only as relics of the past. It only went downhill from there. You can''t expect life to always be sunny-side up like an egg, sometimes the egg you make doesn''t turn out the way you want. Beggars can''t be choosers, but it¡¯s not like we have a choice, do we? Alas, it just didn¡¯t matter now; it doesn¡¯t matter anymore. Summer went by, and while we still talked, I can still feel the distance between us. I¡¯m sure she felt the same way too ¡ª but we both were too scared to bring it up. So I stayed, and watched, as we both grew older; as we both grew apart. It wasn''t hard to notice that our bond was waning, and it doesn''t take an absolute wizard to know it''s only going to get much worse than this if I don''t do anything about it. I heard she had family issues. I wonder what that¡¯s about? I never bothered to talk to her about it. I was scared; scared of being seen as a jerk and whatnot. I¡¯d be horrid to know I could tip her off if I did that. It irks me of how socially impaired I am with my lack of communication, but it was apparent she didn¡¯t really want to talk about it. It¡¯s not like I didn¡¯t want to rekindle our light, and a simple conversation can just resolve all this. There¡¯s just so many things going on now. I was 14 and she was 15, life didn¡¯t really hit us yet. In the passing years, school and responsibilities didn¡¯t weigh as heavily as it seemed. More and more, we just gradually lost touch and time with each other. It also doesn''t help that she''s a year older than me, which also means she''s my senpai. Her classroom is on a whole other floor, adjacent to us. Even more reason not to talk to her ¡ª she must be pretty busy, and then to talk to a junior? Funny. I''d just be baggage for her in the end. We went our separate ways, each busy in whatever life we¡¯re heading. She got a part-time job, and it was derived from her passion to cook. I heard that one time, her mom lashed out at her for her inability to cook. Of course, I didn¡¯t hear this from her. Her friends did. I was simply a bystander who happened to hear their chit-chat. Although, there''s always been this hole in my chest my entire life, like I''ve been waiting for something ¡ª (or) someone to come to me, to realize my dreams. Back then, it didn¡¯t really mean much, did it? I mean, all I had to do in life was enjoy whatever time I¡¯m spending with my friends. But as I grew older, the societal pressure began to weigh me down. School became more of a recurring issue, and plans to go out became a chore. Same thing happened to her. She¡¯s got a job, and everyone else did. My parents quickly took the initiative to compare me to them and I just had to hop on the bandwagon myself. Wasn¡¯t it supposed to be the other way around? To enjoy life and not think much about the other stresses? I know I shouldn¡¯t rely on anyone for my own achievements, for my own dreams to come to fruition, but why does it feel like there¡¯s no point? The more I go on about my life, the more I question my purpose. I didn¡¯t ask to be born just to laze away, but that doesn''t mean I want to be someone working mindless hours with no enjoyment whatsoever. I know I have no choice, I know that it can¡¯t be helped, and I know there¡¯s no use stressing over bygones. But, does it really matter? What if I actually did become who I want to be? Would it actually feel as fulfilling as I thought? What if it doesn¡¯t? Why does it feel so much better to sleep in, eat delicious food, and not do so much work? Isn''t it a hassle now that you think about it? One time, I was working part-time flipping burgers. A customer stopped by the side of the road to pick up his order. I told him, ¡°here you go,¡± I paused, looking at the burgers I¡¯ve just wrapped. My voice, despondent as I was turning and surveying the wraps, ¡°oh, I¡¯m sorry. Didn¡¯t you order one more?¡± He was quick on the uptake. Not a bad person, I can tell. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s fine, you¡¯ve been working late-night shifts, have you not? Take your time.¡± I appreciated that, no matter how small his concern was towards me. I began to scramble for words to say, laughing away my drowsiness as I began to cook one more patty on the grill. ¡°Ahaha¡­ I¡¯m sorry. My mind¡¯s been on a whole ¡®nother cloud these past few days, and I¡¯m not exactly awake as of late. Sorry for messing up your order a bit, sir. I sincerely apologize for my mistakes.¡± He upheld his humble demeanor. Reassuring and comforting, to say the least. ¡°It¡¯s totally fine, I get ya!¡± As he waited for me to finish assembling his last burger, he gazed up at me, ¡°isn¡¯t it kinda sad how you kids are already working so hard and late? Don¡¯t you guys still have fantasies about being in love and enjoying your teenage school life?¡± He lit his cigarette after imposing his question. ¡°Oh, to be young¡­¡± It posits. No, really. It really hit me. I didn¡¯t know what to tell him at the time, but what came to mind, just flushed out. ¡°It¡¯s not that I want to, but more so I¡¯m obligated to.¡± ¡°I see,¡± he locked eyes with me for a brief moment with a poignant look on his face. What was it that he wanted to say, but didn¡¯t? ¡°Well, I sure hope you won¡¯t be doing this for long. Life¡¯s short, kid; make the most out of your adolescence. Enjoy them if you can, when you can.¡± I can¡¯t deny what he said is true, but there¡¯s so many things on my plate that I feel like trying to juggle them will cause ruin and collateral damage towards my social life. If I can¡¯t take care of what I must do, I can¡¯t take care of what I want to do. So I¡¯ve got to divert my gaze, and lock in my focus: what must be done. So, with a sly and crooked smile on my face, I told him, ¡°well¡ª¡° I stammered. The drowsiness was getting to me, and it was nauseating. ¡°It can¡¯t be helped, I guess.¡± Yeah, it can¡¯t be helped. No shit! Everything I did wasn''t voluntary, it was necessities. I didn¡¯t do all this because I wanted, it¡¯s because I was asked to. If I didn¡¯t find a passion, if I didn¡¯t do something about my life, and if I just spent the rest of my days enjoying it: I¡¯d just lay waste, dead. So, what then, should I do? I wanted to run away. I''d be lying if I told myself that my problems weren¡¯t overbearing. I¡¯ve known for a while, but I stuck to it ¡ª because living is painful, but death is even more painful ¡ª so I continued to persevere. I continued to live, scrambling and tumbling for any chance to get better. More, and more; I wanted to be even better. If I can make my life better, I''ll dedicate myself to it. The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. But it was easier said than done. ¡°Mom, did you buy the books I told you to?¡± I was struggling with school, and financially too. ¡°Do I have to go out and copy notes online again?¡± All I could do was sigh and continue onward. Everything is systematic. I want to be happy doing stuff that interests me, but it¡¯s seen as wasted time. I¡¯ve spent so much time stressing over school and other things clouding my mind and judgment I can¡¯t even see straight ¡ª I can¡¯t even live without thinking, I could¡¯ve done something productive right about now. So what if it¡¯s reductive? Then to suddenly grow old and need to be aware of social cues now? To understand body language and whatever? What is this? I¡¯d wager life would be much simpler and easier to manage without them than to know all this. It¡¯s all so confusing. I can¡¯t simply fathom all this on my own, you know? Not only that, I have to be aware of so many other things, and the pressure of not knowing just messes with my psyche. So I lowered my expectations. As I grew older, and looked at my bad grades, I changed who I want to be. By fitting in, I steadily picked myself up. I was happy with my own growth. Personal growth, and a sense of achievement; who wouldn¡¯t be delighted? Then, I dreamed of being a writer, but my English sucked, so I practiced and refined my grammar and read so many light novels in my pastime. After a while, I found out my ideas weren''t good enough, and that my writing style will never be accepted, since it''s way too unprofessional. I gave up on that too, but I continued to dedicate myself to studying, in search of passion. By the time I was 17, I stopped dreaming. If eating and sleeping, and any other everyday necessities have any significance, then I''d dream of eating a big ass bowl of the best ramen in the world, or sleeping in the most expensive bed in the world. That would''ve been much more enjoyable for me, right? But despite thinking that, I''m constantly looking, and trying new things, no matter how it ends. Just what am I looking for, anyway? It''s not like I want to be some bigshot member in this predatory social hierarchy or anything. I just want to live my life to the fullest. I just want to feel what it''s like to not be put down for being less than everyone else, or pursue things as motivated as everyone else. But after a while, I knew I was astray. To be left with that sudden epiphany halfway on the road, must¡¯ve sucked, yeah? I wasn¡¯t enjoying life the way I wanted. By focusing so much on myself, I only end up exhausted. When I¡¯ve the time to spend, I barely have anyone to talk to. And when I just wondered if I could mend my relationships back, it was already a tad bit too late. I was so down in the dumps about who I want to be, and what the future might entail, I¡¯ve long forgotten what I wanted for myself. It¡¯s not an oversight, I know I did the right thing. I did what¡¯s best for me¡­ So why does it hurt so much? It can¡¯t be helped. That¡¯s true. There¡¯s nothing you could¡¯ve done. I know. Did you regret it¡­? It was all an excuse. I was too weak-willed to admit it. And so, I began crying. I was scared, and scarred. I could¡¯ve juggled personal life and relationships, and albeit it might be hard, it would be ideal ¡ª but I didn¡¯t consider much of the feelings of people around me. I rejected any and every offer to bond with them, and it was all on me. When you¡¯ve improved yourself so much, it¡¯s only worth it to you. But will you be fine alone? This whole time. I''ve been living in a shell. A desolate place, locked away in my own echo chamber. I''ve been so lost¡­ so, so lost. The sorrow of my life, the dreams I''ve chased; was it all for naught? I¡¯m not sure. I¡¯m not even sure if I lived my life right. But I want to make amends. It''s now or never. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her, hey, do you think that we can, I don¡¯t know, hang out¡­? After school, maybe? I wanted to see her more. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to feel for her, to get to know her better. Weird feeling, is it not? It was all an excuse, wasn¡¯t it? It was all an excuse to not talk to her. I¡¯m such a jerk. I thought that, maybe, since she was also busy; I¡¯d be bothering her. I don¡¯t want that. I don¡¯t want to annoy her. Not now, not ever. Just because of school, just because there were so many things I had to do at the time¡­ it cost us our relationship. I could''ve done something about it, and I¡¯m sure I could''ve, but alas, I did not. So now-now, the question that boggles me at this moment: what is really meant by a miracle? Do they happen on a whim? Can they happen in real life? To think that my life had gone this route without me realizing, it really pains me; I can''t even begin on where and when I did it all wrong. If second chances do exist; if miracles do exist, then God, please, help me figure this one out. Maybe I should just suck up to it. Maybe, I should just give in and give them free rein over my life. It¡¯s easier that way, is it not? To not need to think about what¡¯s best for you, to be given the freedom to not make any more choices. Maybe, that isn¡¯t such a dystopia. Even so! I don¡¯t want to live the rest of my life regretting what I haven¡¯t done. That¡¯s what instantly clicked with me in that one moment. I reminisced of one moment I spent with her. It was during lunchtime and we hung out at the same-old, same-old: the clich¨¦d school rooftop. It¡¯s actually a good place to dine in. The breeze amidst the summit is addicting and riveting. Perhaps it was because of the geographical nature of where and how the school is constructed, but you can basically look down on the town from here and see everything. As she was chewing her homemade lunch, she asked me, ¡°say, Natsuyuki-kun¡­ have you thought more about who you wanted to be?¡± Her eyes were set ablaze. She¡¯s seriously curious, and I wasn¡¯t dumb enough to give her a bad answer. Yet, I gave her a straight one. ¡°I don¡¯t know. Whatever my grades lead me, I guess.¡± I continued to chew on my bento as I looked at her, ¡°anything is fine, as long as it doesn¡¯t easily wear me out long term.¡± Her eyebrows furrowed, ¡°that¡¯s no good!¡± She exclaimed. I wonder why she begs to differ? ¡°If you keep on doing that, you¡¯ll only lose out on the enjoyment of life. Just letting stuff dictate you around. That much isn¡¯t ideal, yeah?¡± I, for one, wasn¡¯t exactly in the same line of thinking. Of course, I was too shortsighted to see, ¡°this so-called enjoyment is what led many to be lost and live without work after graduation. Unemployment is a real issue, y¡¯know,¡± I bit off the last of my food and chewed before gazing up into the blue sky. ¡°I don¡¯t want to risk losing my life over measly things.¡± ¡°While it¡¯s true that you may destroy your life if you went overboard,¡± she grinned. It still itches me to this day as to why she¡¯d do such a thing in what seems to be a serious topic. ¡°If you disregard what you want in life, you¡¯ll only end up as an empty husk.¡± ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± She raised her index finger up and put it on her lips. ¡°The fun in life is trying your best to balance your needs and wants, is it not?¡± I thought she was crazy to propose that idea. I thought I had my whole life figured out, and that I would achieve happiness if I keep treading this path. And as we go back to the present, I knew what she had really meant back then. I instantly wiped my tears, and as the morning dew came, and dawned upon me, I was already running. There¡¯s not much time. I got to make the most out of it. Sprinting past the streetlights, the lamp posts, and as the mesmerizing sun embezzled me, I knew what I¡¯ve got to do. Right before the next train, I needed to be at the station. Traversing and turning, I quickly scrambled with my current navigation of how the town¡¯s layout would be. Shortly after arriving at the station, I stopped to catch my breath; panting and gasping for air. I went to town with that homerun, surely. I was exhausted, but mentally, I¡¯m only getting started. Subsequently, I looked around. My eyes searched vigorously. That¡¯s weird. She wasn¡¯t there. No, in fact, she hasn¡¯t been here for a while. I remembered that she used to take the ride to school at the station but¡ªno. I¡¯m so dumb for thinking she¡¯d stay the same. I¡¯ve changed, surely she has too. She might¡¯ve taken a different route. Feeling like it was all a waste, I went outside the station. And as-if the metaphorical miracle I wished for had suddenly materialized ¡ª there she was. She was on her way, walking to school, strolling a bike. This is my chance. I''ve got to act right now. All I have to do is walk up to her¡ª No. Why am I shaking¡­? Stop, please. I have to talk to her. That¡¯s what I told myself before, I¡¯m not backing down. And so, I approached her, ¡°h¡ª¡° I paused, stammering as I usually do. My voice was desperate, and the words were hard to come out. ¡°Hey,¡± I croaked out. Unsurprisingly, she didn¡¯t catch me. I felt like giving up. My heart was beating so loudly. I didn¡¯t know what to do, or what to say. I should follow my heart. But how am I supposed to do that? How can I escape from this feeling? Please, move. No further hesitation, I¡¯ll just say what comes to mind. Because if I didn¡¯t, I¡¯m afraid nothing will ever change. I¡¯m afraid my life will never be fulfilled. I don¡¯t want to be left like this. I don¡¯t want to live the rest of my life alone or with this feeling. I want to be with her again, and I don¡¯t care what happens to me. ¡°Chinatsu-senpai!¡± I called out to her, my voice cracking, and shaking profusely. She turned around. She actually turned around. The shock made my anxiety arise from its deepest roots. She was the one who spent so much time with me back then, she offered me new experiences. It''s not the sublime happiness I thought it would be to talk to her like this. It doesn''t feel super enjoyable as I thought it would. It might not be what I¡¯ve expected, but that''s fine. The stars shine bright, and the ones that burn the brightest last the shortest¡­ but I¡¯ll always stamp them into memory. That¡¯s what this is. One of the most memorable moments in my life. No matter how ephemeral, no matter how small, cherish these moments. Life can have its prologue and epilogue, but how I choose to fill in the blanks is what gives them meaning. With nothing left to lose, I shouted, ¡°It¡¯s¨C¡± No. Keep going. Say it. ¡°Nice weather today, isn¡¯t it?¡± I only got one shot at life. And despite so many things to do, and so many responsibilities to juggle, there¡¯s barely any direction you can take without feeling like you¡¯ll lose something in return; like you¡¯ll wound up eventually regretting a big thing in your life. However, she made me realize that it''s okay; that''s just life. The summer wind blew, the riveting air, and the smell of flowers ¡ª I remembered the whole scene so perfectly. Down to the absolute T. How could I not? Never to leave your side ever again, never to outlive this reminiscent summer. All resemblance of doubt about the future, about the past ¡ª it all matters not. I''ve extirpated them, cut them asunder. Right now, right at this moment, I¡¯m going to do what I want to do. No matter what happens. Don¡¯t regret it, okay? She smiled, and as the sun basked us in its ever-blinding light, she shouted back, ¡°yeah¡­ it sure is, Natsuyuki-kun.¡± Even if I destroy my life in the process, and I lose everything I¡¯ve built up in life. I¡¯m not going to leave these feelings unconveyed, nor do I want to keep my personal wants imprisoned. She lit up, and with the brightest smile on her beautiful face, she said to me, ¡°It¡¯s been a while, hasn¡¯t it?¡± I''m finally home. This is the start of you, and me. 1. Want To Be Close It didn¡¯t last long. The conversation we had, I mean. It was a touching reunion, but just like any other ¡ª it was awkward. Too awkward, I¡¯d say. We didn¡¯t have much to say to each other, and the gestures we¡¯ve exchanged are many. Body language is a crazy thing, isn¡¯t it? Look, all we said to each other after that wonderful exchange was regarding the weather. That¡¯s it. Literally. Seriously? Saying it¡¯s awkward is simply an understatement when this situation is presented. Nevertheless, I wasn¡¯t going to let this joyride come to an abrupt and anticlimactic end. This comes as no surprise: I was over the moon. Maybe such a description is exaggerated, but there¡¯s not enough adjectives out there to showcase how boisterous I was. My happiness can¡¯t be put into words, and so does my awkwardness. That¡¯s perhaps why our little interaction feels so out of touch. Yet, I can¡¯t help but see that we both are glad to see each other again. No. More like, she was glad I approached her. She¡¯s a carefree and reserved girl, but that does not equate to her harboring any hobbies to recluse to. She¡¯s got friends, and she hangs out with them. Yeah, she¡¯s just a normal girl. Nothing wrong with that though, I¡¯m glad to see her ¡ª and it¡¯s more comforting to see her doing so well after what feels like so long. I wanted to approach her, and albeit I did not; I¡¯ve always been watching her from afar. This is the first time in forever that I can tell myself for certain: Oh how glad I am to see her doing just fine. Just being able to tell isn¡¯t enough. I have to actively talk to her to see what¡¯s up. The silence was suffocating, but I¡¯ve made the reluctant and valor choice to not back down from this. So no pulling on the strings or wagging my tail for something to occur, I¡¯m going to be the driving factor. And so, with my heart beating still, and my lungs breathing in the same air as her, I asked, ¡°so¡­ how was work? Part-time, I mean.¡± I tried my best to come off as easygoing. Of course, the drawback was that it was paper-thin. She and I both knew I forced that one out because I¡¯d nothing else to inquire, but I was curious. So I asked. ¡°Hm?¡± She perked up, ¡°oh yeah ¡ª my work, ofcourse,¡± she looked up at the sky. ¡°It was alright. Nothing much.¡± Silence followed. I expected this. I didn¡¯t expect it to be this quiet, though. ¡°Hey, do you know?¡± She opened up to me. I was a little shocked, but the thought of her trying to keep the ball rolling lifts my spirit. ¡°The word ¡®irregardless¡¯, it isn''t actually a word.¡± She pointed her index finger up, around eye level. She was full to the brim with excitement. ¡°That¡¯s because it has the same meaning as regardless. Get it?¡° She locked eyes with me again, and although it was just a friendly gesture ¡ª I can¡¯t help but back away a little. ¡°It¡¯s going to be on the test, y¡¯know.¡± She smirked. Personal space is what they all call it. I just call it being a chicken. I¡¯m aware of that, but I¡¯ll change my ways. Why was I so emotional over all this in the first place? My life¡¯s barely started for me to start forging regrets now. I shouldn¡¯t be thinking about the future yet. But the thought of losing her boggles my mind ever so slightly. It moves in accordance with my body. The notion of wanting change drives me forward. ¡°Well¡ª¡° I positioned myself. ¡°Thanks for the reminder.¡± I pinched her cheek, ¡°Do you remember when you were into music?¡± I laughed, ¡°you were so into it you asked your mom to buy you a guitar?¡± My voice was shaking, containing the laughter. ¡°And she said no because you¡¯re just gonna stop playing after a week?¡± I laughed. I swear that shit wasn¡¯t funny but I still let out a chuckle. With an indignant voice, she punched me on the back. ¡°Stop it!¡± She pouts, showing distress. Perhaps she was embarrassed, it was ages ago after all. ¡°You do know I cried out to my mom¡ª¡° She raised both arms and gently put them on both of my shoulders. ¡°I was practically on my KNEES just begging her about it.¡± I was still laughing. She shook me. Irritated, she exclaimed, ¡°and her answer was a resounding no every time!¡± She almost sounds too natural. Almost like we¡¯re back in the old days, once more. ¡°Pardon me, ma¡¯am¡­¡± I broke out, hinting that I was getting somewhat dizzy from the shaking. ¡°Something else I wanna ask¡ª¡° I peered a little into her open, unzipped bag. ¡°You still not over it?¡± Sometimes people never really move on from the past. I think that¡¯s a very human thing. We hold onto so many things, and familiarity hits closer to home than originality. ¡°Yeah,¡± she glimpses into her bag, rummaging it and pulling out a book on Amadeus Mozart. ¡°I¡¯m still a big fan of music.¡± She smiles softly, with her eyes looking endeared by it. ¡°I just can¡¯t let go of some things, no matter how hard I try.¡± However, I believe that change propels us forward. Perhaps it¡¯s sudden to finally think this way, knowing I was so indifferent to change just this morning. But I don¡¯t want to keep being gloomy for the sake of it. I¡¯ve been so fed up with so many troubles in life, especially with the absence of my father and the financial issues we¡¯ve been in; perhaps it¡¯s time to look forward to the good stuff now. Noticing how poignant this has come, I tried to lighten up the mood. ¡°Hey, do you know?¡± I looked at her. Devoid of any anxiety now, I inched closer rather than backing away. Her eyebrows went up. She was a little surprised. I was slowly going out of my comfort zone, and she¡¯s seemingly appreciative of it. ¡°If there wasn¡¯t a main competitor for Einstein ¡ª the absolutely brilliant mathematician David Hilbert, whose own stature might even infatuate most students ¡ª he probably wouldn¡¯t be seen as the great man he is himself now.¡± I¡¯ve been reading books, too, you know. It was to get closer to you, but now, I believe it to be for my own sake too. I¡¯ve come to evaluate myself. I closed my eyes for a bit, trying to piece together the memories. She tilted her head, but she was eager to listen. Yeah. She¡¯s delighted. Her soft smile dawned on me. I¡¯ll keep trying my hardest. She imposes a question, ¡°why is that so? Is there a reason behind it?¡± Her gaze was as-if she¡¯s staring right into my very soul. ¡°W¡ª¡° I stammered, and coughed. ¡°Ehem,¡± I pointed my finger at her. ¡°What do you think of competitions?¡± I replied to the question with a question. Oh boy, that¡¯ll surely throw her in for a loop. ¡°Huh?¡± She rested her fingers under her chin, ¡°Uhm, it¡¯s good for both parties? To make us work harder?¡± She put her fingers down, and shrugged. ¡°I guess?¡± If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. ¡°Yup.¡± I nodded, agreeing to her. I¡¯m happy to know she¡¯s following up with what I¡¯m saying. Her engagement makes me feel lighthearted. I began to follow up on my previous point, ¡°if there wasn¡¯t a competitor of such height and ranking recognizing Einstein as an admirable and intelligent person ¡ª the theory of relativity, in this case ¡ª who would really see his potential? Hilbert had stolen the theory after reading some of his papers¡ª¡° She cut me off, ¡°¡ªand some of Dr. Hilbert supporters quietly suggested years later that it had actually been Einstein who committed plagiarism, when that wasn¡¯t the case, correct?¡± She continues, ¡°you¡¯ve been reading and studying well, Natsuyuki-kun.¡± She got a little red. She prefaced that she knew the answer, but led me on. At least, that¡¯s what I think. ¡°Well, ¡®irregardless¡¯¡ª¡° ¡°I like that reference.¡± I chuckled, ¡°it was still David who realized Einstein¡¯s talent when none did, right? Of course, this is in spite of his resentment and jealousy towards Einstein.¡± ¡°Hm,¡± she scratched her cheek, admiring my ability to articulate myself and regurgitating all this from the top of my head. I think. She¡¯s even better, of course, she¡¯s just being humble is all. She¡¯s probably not sure whether to be in awe or give an even more detailed response. Regardless, her engagement was at its peak. ¡°I beg to differ,¡± she stared at me with a straight face. A serious tone accompanied her. And as a foreword to her response, she imposes yet another question, ¡°isn¡¯t life about how we communicate?¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°Languages: therein lies abstractions of the verbal and nonverbal expressions. They¡¯re our attempts to understand each other more with not just words, but also what words can¡¯t say.¡± I don¡¯t get it. I really don¡¯t. It just feels like she¡¯s already offrailed to another topic altogether. ¡°Don¡¯t you think we rely a lot on words? On what we say to each other?¡± She inches closer to my face, and stared directly into my eyes. ¡°What about body language? Social cues?¡± Her presence was suffocating. It was alluring, but it¡¯s made it so hard to breathe. I can¡¯t help but gulp down my saliva, along with all my anxiety to try to power through this. ¡°Do you feel it¡­?¡± She holds my hand and rests it on her chest. ¡°My heartbeat.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± it¡¯s beating fast. And loud. ¡°See, honesty isn¡¯t just a virtue. It¡¯s also a language. It¡¯s the same as what I¡¯ve said. We use all our senses to perceive art: with our eyes; or music: with our ears. That¡¯s why seeing a good art piece or listening to something can evoke emotion, seemingly communicating with us.¡± She pauses, gripping my hand harder. ¡°If you show people your willingness to listen.¡± She lets go of me, and walks away slowly, ¡°if you look at people genuinely,¡± she stops. ¡°If you¡¯re being honest and transparent, not just to others, but to yourself too¡ª¡° She ran up to me. I was shocked. But then I felt it. The rays of light fractured and dawned, and as the crimson sunlight began to wrap itself around, so did the warm fragrance envelop me. My hand feels her warmth, kindness, and joy. She caressed my hand, ¡°such a thing wouldn¡¯t happen. Instead of stealing Einstein¡¯s ideas for all the fame and glory, he¡¯d have the capacity to feel what Einstein feels.¡± I was absolutely lightheaded. I didn¡¯t know what to feel, or how to make sense of what she¡¯s saying, but I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll understand eventually. However, I''m not yet ready to let my thoughts pass like the clouds, adrift with nowhere to go and naught a purpose. ¡°Look, I might not know the full context, but based on what I know,¡± I locked my gaze with her. ¡°Isn¡¯t it sad? Instead of stealing it? Why didn¡¯t he help him advance it?¡± I was actually curious as to why that¡¯s the case. ¡°They could¡¯ve shared the glory, perhaps.¡± ¡°Bingo.¡± She smiled with a sassy look on her face. ¡°Communication is art. Just listening shows your appreciation.¡± I was still confused, to be perfectly honest. She¡¯s such a complex character, and she always ends up complicating matters at hand. ¡°Life is just like music, don¡¯t you think?¡± She remarked. Yup. This girl¡¯s kind of a little crazy in the head. Her eyes ran past me, looking into the horizon. ¡°Same like songs,¡± she runs forward onto the pavement and stops, quickly turning back to look at me from afar. ¡°When there¡¯s a beginning, there¡¯s an ending too.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t get it.¡± Despite that, I was absolutely stunlocked. She was basking in the morning sun. The light was quick to make an outline of her, drowning my vision as the light permeated and blinds me momentarily. She beamed up. ¡°You¡¯ve got your whole life to figure it out.¡± She looks forward, ¡°the future is still far away.¡± She begins to walk, leaving me behind. ¡°There¡¯s no rush in doing anything.¡± I get what she means. I really do. We¡¯re both so young, and our lives barely started. Nevertheless, I still don¡¯t want to lose out on what seems to be a crucial moment in my life. They say youth is overrated, but it¡¯s when we realize ourselves most. Who we want to be, and what we want to be. What we actually want in life, however? ¡°Chinatsu-senpai!¡± I shouted, calling out to her. ¡°Tell me, deep within your heart,¡± my heart was beating loudly. My voice was shaking. My body, however, acted on its own. ¡°What is it that you really want?¡± I got the gist of what she''s said. If I follow her line of thinking correctly, then she deems these ¡®languages¡¯ like honesty to be a pivotal part in communicating. It does help and improve our relationships, surely, but it''s not necessary. I then told myself: What about the times where being honest is a bad thing? Sometimes, you need to lie your way out of something. Sometimes, you need to divert people from the truth to keep their feelings and heart intact. Sometimes, lying can even save someone ¡ª and the vision of being the reason someone lives in a lie scares me to no measurable extent. Maybe I don''t understand it fully, but for what I know, I''ll tell her straight up. ¡°You said that life¡¯s just like music, right?¡± I shouted. My jaws dropped as-if there''s no tomorrow, unwary of others hearing me or if I don''t get an answer straight away. I just need to ask her. Of course I''m scared to know the answer, but I''m also hopeful. I followed up, ¡°that would mean,¡± I stepped closer to her in anticipation, ¡°that we''ve got choruses, high and low notes, and lyrics¡­ right?¡± I wasn''t sure if I was making any sense. Perhaps it overcomplicated it even further, and made this story too hyper-focused on such superficial questions. I told myself before that I don¡¯t want to live without knowing more about her. To preface that, I asked what she really wants in life, what she thinks is her meaning ¡ª her purpose. It doesn¡¯t have to be grand. It doesn¡¯t have to be something materialistic, it can be just anything. ¡°You''ve incorporated something like that, and viewed life with such a fitting mentality,¡± I was allured and in absolute awe of how she interprets life with such analogy, it''s somewhat allegorical. ¡°Surely you know what to do in your life?¡± Unlike me, she''s probably had everything planned out. She knows what she''s going to strive for, and she knows it''ll make her happy; all the while balancing fun and joyous stuff to do. That way, it''s optimal. I mean, she gets to enjoy work, and live life well and off¡­ isn''t that a good deal? Why am I so hung over this so much, though? Am I really that scared for the future? Perhaps I''m being too emotional for no reason whatsoever? I''m not exactly depressed, but as teenagers, I can''t help but fear adulthood. Knowing my financial predicament, I could be dead the moment I graduate. Give it three months, and the landlord will kick us out. The rent''s due several months, even right now. Not even flipping burgers or anything can cover that, and my mom''s work isn''t that well off itself either. The only reason I''m still going is to support my family. I did so many things reluctantly to help her out. I don''t want to kill myself off, because that''ll just put her in a worse spot. What asshole of a son does that? Hell, why am I even ranting? I''m probably projecting all this onto her. I look like a dumbass. But I just want to know if she knows ¡ª life''s greatest question ¡ª maybe then, I''ll have another reason to keep on living. If I know her answer to that, it might help me make my own reason. She turned around, gently smiling. ¡°Well¡ª¡° she looks at her watch. ¡°Right now, I don¡¯t want to be late for school.¡± She raised her hand, waved, and stuck her tongue out with one eye closed. ¡°Mrs. Erina wouldn''t take it lightly if you''re late for school.¡± Oh fu¡ª 2. In Your Heart I completely forgot! Is what I told myself as I¡¯m practically panting, puffing as sweat drenches me. My clothes reek of it, and the sweltering summer heat only adds on more to the frustration. My body wasn¡¯t taking it lightly, as I am not much of an active person. I¡¯m no athlete but I really need to get myself in good shape soon; studying too much isn¡¯t good for your health! ¡°Gah!¡± I was jumpscared. Startled and terrified, I slowly turned around. The looming presence, I can just feel it. ¡°Y¡ª¡± she¡¯s right behind me, isn¡¯t she? ¡°Yes, ma¡¯am¡­?¡± And there she was. My homeroom teacher, Mrs. Erina. I¡¯m about to get an earful from her for being late. I have my reasons, but they¡¯re nowhere near reasonable enough. ¡°Well hello there.¡± She responded. Straight face, straight posture, straight-up terrific. Straight everything. Oh, except her sexuality. Kidding! Should I lie my way out of this? No, no. She¡¯s already fed up with my excuses, even if they weren¡¯t so bad. I mean, I stayed up for late-night shifts, and they expect me to wake up early for school? Nuh-uh, I beg to differ! ¡°What¡¯s your reason this time?¡± She groaned. Hands crossed, and ready to kick my ass out of school depending on my response and the severity of my reason. Spoilers: I¡¯m dead either way. Yeah, go figure. ¡°Ahaha¡­¡± I¡¯m so dead. I don¡¯t know what to say or do, and with sweat dripping down my cheek, I cheekily responded, ¡°I helped an old lady cross the traffic light.¡± with a despondent voice. My face quickly became pale, knowing of the fate that awaits. Pleasedon¡¯tsendmetotheprincipal, pleasedon¡¯tsendmetotheprincipal¡ª She did, in fact, send me to the principal. After a whole lecture, I was dismissed. By the time I got back to class, it was already recess. That sure took a while, did it not? I didn¡¯t expect a single lecture on being late and whatever to chip away a lot, but then again, we both were pretty late. He also gave me an earful about the future and all that crap, but I simply dozed off because it was way too long. A mind-boggling question then arose at the back of my mind: Wait, do I even know what kind of part-time work she does? And following that, my mind wandered, going back to the short exchange we had early in the morning. Something¡¯s not right here. I ran to school as fast as I could, but even then, we were already pretty late. She arrived first, sure, WITH a goddarn bike! How am I supposed to keep up with that? I get that this is probably her first time late, so she¡¯s probably only got a small warning by her homeroom teacher. But how come I haven¡¯t seen her? We weren¡¯t far off. She preceded me, but only barely. Did she just speed through the parking lot and ran up the stairs? That fast, and with that sort of physique, no less? I¡¯ve got to hand it to her, that¡¯s impressive. I always admired how well she articulated herself and her love for her passions. She¡¯d read books in a variety of genres and topics. One time, she¡¯d be reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. And then the other, she¡¯d be reading a book on how to cook a potato in 52 different ways. I guess it¡¯s okay to be childish. But that¡¯s what I found cute about her. Wait a second. Cute? What am I saying? Chinatsu-senpai? Cute? Am I thinking that she¡¯s actually adorable? No way. Someone who¡¯s such a dork isn¡¯t going to be seen as enchanting. Not only that, she¡¯s a nerd ¡ª an absolute nerd. A crazy one, too. You can¡¯t make sense of what she¡¯s saying at times, and it always feels like she¡¯s one step ahead of me in everything! No. Stop blushing. People will give me weird looks. People in class looked at me worriedly. They¡¯re probably thinking that I caught a cold or something. They look at me funnily, too. Something amusing caught your eye? Because I¡¯m sure as hell NOT amused! Matter of fact, I¡¯m embarrassed now! Yup. People are going to think I¡¯m weird. I felt someone tapping me on my shoulder from the back. I turned around slowly, looking back towards the figure that took up the majority of my vision. ¡°Ah, it¡¯s you.¡± Damn is this guy way too close. ¡°Personal space.¡± I quietly spoke with a somewhat exasperated expression. My eyes weren¡¯t even looking in his direction, and I¡¯m not going to waste my time hearing him blab again about how his favorite virtual YouTuber or whatever they¡¯re called ¡®graduating¡¯ again. ¡°Dude,¡± he was quick to put his hand on my forehead. ¡°Yowch! That¡¯s hot!¡± He immediately pulled his hand back, acting as-if I got a whole darn volcano on my forehead. Is this some kind of joke? I swear not even a monkey would go oonga-boonga over this. ¡°Yeah, Natsuyuki you should¡ª¡± ¡°I am NOT going to go to the infirmary,¡± I think I made my point clear. ¡°Besides, I don¡¯t have a cold.¡± I slouched on my seat, and slumped myself onto the school desk. I feel like falling asleep. A quick nap during recess is fine, right? Let¡¯s hope no dumbass pulls a prank on me. Because if they do.. ¡°Hey now! Don¡¯t go to sleep just yet!¡± He shook my body vigorously. All I could tell myself was: I swear to god. I could only provide so much leniency to someone until they exceed several orders of magnitude in pissing me off. This isn¡¯t being edgy. I just want to go to sleep, man. These types of people further reinforce why I¡¯m so reserved and reclusive in class. To give the benefit of the doubt, that doesn¡¯t necessarily mean I don¡¯t want to talk to them; but they either have small talk, gossip, or girl talk. No, for the millionth time, I do not want to know your ideal type of woman. For crying out loud. He exclaimed, ¡°Weren¡¯t you close to Chinatsu-senpai?¡± His eyes sparkly and full with excitement. I never got up so fast in my life. Not even the Flash can compete with me with this one. The expanse of my thirst for books is just as vast as wanting to know more about her, even if I have to shoot myself in the head to lay awake. Metaphorically speaking, of course. This includes but is not limited to light novels and mangas; reading too much intellectual stuff can be a bore. ¡°You have my undivided attention, Rindo.¡± I spoke calmly. My heart, however, is perhaps woven by strings. Because just a simple string of words and pulling on them can tuck my heart away. God, I need to exercise self-restraint. ¡°So, well,¡± his smile became crooked. And his hands became increasingly fidgety as the embarrassment slowly creeped from behind. Oh no. This is not happening. Now, such disappointment clawed into my heart to the point that I lifted my hands up slowly as it trembled slightly. I grabbed a hold of him, on both shoulders. ¡°Ain¡¯t no way, bro.¡± ¡°You did not just call me bro like that, bro.¡± Great. Not only is he nitpicking, but he¡¯s also changing the topic. Let this not be a real thing, please? ¡°Don¡¯t you think she¡¯s kinda hot thou¡ª¡± I beat him up. Not excessively, of course, that would be bullying. I sorta just punched him on the crotch. Ouch. Let this not be a real thing anymore. I ended up losing my well-needed time to nap during recess. Thank you oh great Rindo! I lost my precious nap time, but let¡¯s not care about that, let¡¯s talk about how much you want to ask out my crush on a date! This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. Wait, pause. Wait a moment. My crush? Not again. I really don¡¯t wanna feel this way. Thinking back, didn¡¯t I used to have feelings for her? Before we drifted apart, didn¡¯t I somewhat tell her my feelings? That¡¯s got to be embarrassing now that I think about it. It¡¯s weird how all this time, I¡¯ve been doing so much just for her, but the epiphany of liking her only just hit. The embarrassment felt like a delayed train one station behind my constantly moving train of thought. So I do like her in that way. That¡¯s somewhat crazy to think about. No matter the cause, I¡¯ve got to get it out of my system before it clouds my mind further¡ª The school bell rang. And recess is already over. Did I even have time to eat? No, the more important question is: Did I even do anything to find out what she works part-time as? I almost went to sleep forgetting this crucial plot hole. I need to resolve it immediately. Unfortunate circumstances ¡ª I have to wait until after school. Nothing can be done now. I¡¯ll just have to deal with it. Sucks to be me, I guess. Classes flew by, like a bird soaring high into the skylines. Catch it once, it''s all over your head. Catch it twice, it''s already gone the next second. Some classes linger long, and it feels like an hour has passed ¡ª oops, nope! Only 15 minutes. Weird psychological stuff our minds tricking us to, it seems. In any case, I went home. The only thing rummaging my mind was still the interaction I had with her this morning. As I was on my way, walking back, I felt a tinge of sourness welling up from the innermost of my heart. To me, it feels weird. Like, didn''t I stop to think about if she had even moved on? This question begs more questions. It keeps on coming. No reason to overthink this now. The only way to exonerate myself from this conflict is to get it from the source. I still have her contact info from years prior, so I think I''m golden for now. For now, at least. I just hope she still uses the same number for LINE. I scrolled through her contact info, and checked our previous messages. Our dm was, well, in a way increasingly dry. I guess we got so busy we didn''t really have time to think twice about the messages we''ve sent. No. Actually, scratch that. Girls can be very complex. And she''s one complex fellow. As something that''s to my benefit, I''m glad she kept our conversations short, brief and concise. If she gets all worked up, I''d be scared to know the implications behind the messages. In no time, I quickly found a link redirecting me to her social media account. Does this count as stalking? I mean, it''s a public account. I realize the severity of my actions, and doing so, will result in me possibly being persecuted by her. Can it, or can it not? Even so! I want to know what''s going on in her life¡ª That was just a reason to look at cute photos she posted on social media. Some good info, however. I found out she''s working at a local bakery, and that her family is still strict with her as usual ¡ª the same as back then. I wonder how she''s doing. Is she masking it? Do I even know the real you? And there I see it. Again. She was right in front of my eyes. In the eyes of the beholder, which is mine, I just can''t help but lock it in. Every time her delicate figure graces me, I''m seemingly hypnotized. You know those lock-on features in certain JRPGs? Something like that. I''m not good with analogies, sorry. She was walking home, strolling her bike. On her left was a guy, however. Is he a classmate of hers? What are they doing? What are they talking about? I can''t make out what they''re saying. This might be rude, and I know I''d just be an eavesdropping brat, but a little won''t hurt, right? I need to make sure she''s alright. At least. No time to have a midlife crisis right now, I''ll just inch closer, and if it''s nothing major, I''ll leave. Simple as that. ¡°Is it true that you work at the bakery, Chinatsu-chan?¡± He beamed up. This guy is the same age as her, based on the honorifics used. ¡°Yeah,¡± she grinned uncomfortably. He was way too close. I can see that, even from afar. ¡°I do.¡± She tried to maintain eye contact despite her reluctance. ¡°So,¡± he got closer. He got up to her face and told her, ¡°I heard you''re not seeing anyone?¡± This is getting out of hand. I''ve got to do something about this. I''ve got to distract him¡ª ¡°I have a crush already,¡± she replied. ¡°Please stop.¡± Ahaha¡­ that''s funny. My heart aches. I think she''s fine now. I mean, why am I going out of my way just to do all this? Sure there might be a chance that her supposed crush is me, but what if it''s not? I''m just stepping way too much into her boundaries. I should know my place. This brings back memories. I used to dream. If I just had one more chance ¡ª I could get back to the old days. Do things right. But, it''s too late now. You know, people don''t bounce back that easily, no matter how many chances they get to do it. See, it''s easier to fall into a hole than it is to climb out of one. I was surrounded by people who loved me, who reached out to me. But I rejected them. I was trapped by my own paranoia, convinced that regardless of what they told me ¡ª they were all laughing behind my back. This applies to Rindo and to everyone in my class. I was just doing everything in my life alone and distressed. I still talk to them, and I still want to hang out with them, but I think I gave such a bad impression to the point I¡¯m sure they think I¡¯m a pushover. It hurts to see and realize this. Every time they asked to hang out, I always gave no as an answer. They used to correct me too, all the time, years ago. Back then, life was easier. Playing around and laughing shit off was the joy of life. I placed my burden and trust unto them; they were like codependence ¡ª I simply cannot stand ground without them. So whenever they asked me out and I said no, I thought it was for the best. No hard feelings, I thought. It hurts to be the one on the receiving end though. Right now, I feel like something¡¯s running amok inside me. I don¡¯t know what. And I can¡¯t describe the feeling. Is it jealousy? Is it acceptance? Or is it sadness? Shallow and hollow as I am, I continued to indulge in my fantasies ¡ª hyperbolical and whimsical fleets. I dedicated myself to my studies. At the time it felt worth it, but working myself to the bone isn¡¯t something to be proud of if I can¡¯t show it to anyone. I thought that I could do anything. I was welled up in my own ego and thickheaded brain. Was it my fault, really? I didn''t even consider a moment to think of that fallacy. No, no. It''s my fault. I''m a coward. Through and through. Even now, I''m running away. Scared to confront my problems, I ran away. I won''t actually change, now that I think about it. It¡¯s too late for that. And no one would notice even if I tried¡­ So might as well keep dreaming, right? ¡ªI told myself that as I looked the other way, and walked in that direction. She was fine without me all these years, so I¡¯m sure she¡¯ll be fine now. Even if I am that crush of hers, she¡¯ll just move on soon. Give it time. And I don¡¯t think I¡¯m good enough, either way. ¡°He¡¯s someone who never backs down when problems are in his wake.¡± She exclaimed. ¡°He¡¯s way too hard on himself and he tries so hard to make himself known.¡± She continues, ¡°he¡¯s hard-headed! It¡¯s hard to grasp a hold of whatever he¡¯s thinking about usually. Whenever he¡¯s with me, he¡¯s constantly gazing at me. It¡¯s embarrassing how much he focuses on me.¡± She caught her breath, and proudly stood her ground. ¡°He also tries too hard to impress me. He reads books for me. He does so much for me.¡± She puts her hand on her chest. ¡°He thinks that I won¡¯t know every single effort he puts into trying to get closer to me, and that I don¡¯t appreciate it.¡± She smiles softly. ¡°I do. I appreciate him a lot.¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± He grabs her hand, pulling her forcefully. ¡°H¡ª¡± she stops. ¡°What are you doing?!¡± That¡¯s it. In that one moment, my body acted on its own. I wet my cheeks, wailing internally. I was so happy to hear all of that. Every single doubt, every single problem, and every matter that was wandering in my mind poofed from existence. It was just like the very moment I met her again: my mind was clear and set. With doubts extirpated, and clouds blocking my vision now cut asunder ¡ª I¡¯ve overcome this hurdle. Right now, it doesn''t matter if she likes me or not anymore. Just feeling appreciated for the effort I put in was enough. It feels so great to be alive now. To be breathing and to be able to see her. And so, to distract the guy who¡¯s going overboard, I screamed, ¡°my favorite anime just ended!¡± She saw me. She saw me, crying and sobbing ¡ª I was practically bawling. I continued, ¡°I can¡¯t live without this anymore!¡± with my eyes watering and my cheeks burning red. Hot crimson layers up my cheeks as they puffed up. After a moment of shock, she smiled at me. Her gracious grin like a Cheshire cat dawned on me. She was way too beautiful in my eyes, and the tears just won¡¯t stop coming. The sunlight meandered on my wet cheeks, and as lights reflected and dazzled from it, I didn¡¯t stop crying. I was happy beyond anything that could occur to me. To feel truly appreciated for your work. It¡¯s so simple, yet so effective. The only thing I can make out of my mind was: Thank you, Chinatsu-senpai. I¡¯ll remember this for the rest of my life.