《REVIVAL • BTS Jungkook fanfic》 Moonlight Sunrise All is silent. Your fingertips itch to find the keys of your computer at the dark hour of two am with your second glass of wine waiting patiently on your desk. Working night shift at the hospital has left you with many nights alone with nothing but the moon, wine, and whatever¡¯s on your mind. You sit down and let the bitter red touch your lips for a moment, enjoying the taste, before remembering a kpop group your best friend, Nikki, won¡¯t shut up about ¨C BTS. What does that even mean, anyway? Your fingertips finally get what they crave as the keys click away beneath them. Inquiring minds want to know. Bulletproof Boyscouts, huh?You find your mouth forming a smile which has been an unusual occurrence lately.Cute. Your first encounter with kpop was BLACKPINK¡¯s ¡°Playing With Fire.¡± The four girls have undeniable talent. Initially, you were hesitant to listen because their songs aren¡¯t in English, but you soon discovered after a few forays that it doesn¡¯t matter what language a song is in. It¡¯s something you feel. In your heart. In your soul. You see the names of the seven members listed along with their photos and study each one, remembering everyone says that¡¯s how it begins and wondering if it¡¯s true. You take another sip of wine as moonlight glimmers on your glass. Finding yourself drawn to the 2017 AMA performance, you click on the video and let fate take hold. You become immersed in the energy and expression as they perform ¡°DNA,¡± the ease with which they sing and dance simultaneously, and how they hold the audience in the palms of their hands. The screen goes black, and you realize they had you in the palms of their hands, too. Eyes wide, jaw slack, and absolutely hypnotized. As much as you were embarrassed to admit it, there was one member you couldn¡¯t keep your eyes off of. You return to the site that listed the members and search. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Jeon Jungkook. Is this what a¡­bias¡­ is? ? ? ? You stare up at the ceiling with a raw nagging in the pit of your stomach. Somewhere between getting railroaded by the healthcare system and being called a ¡°healthcare hero,¡± you lost your zeal for clocking into a multi-million dollar corporation under the guise of helping. You swipe your ID badge off your nightstand and study it for a moment, feeling the plastic edges press into your hand. Jasmine Law ICU RN You see a bright-eyed past self flashing a full smile, fresh off the high of passing the licensure exam. What a sweet summer child. She has no idea what she¡¯s about to walk into.The last few years haven¡¯t been easy, and now you¡¯re three years deep into being a Medical ICU nurse. Growing up, it wasn¡¯t what you¡¯d pictured for your life, but it¡¯s what your parents wanted. Not much else really mattered. You roll out of bed, hunt for a clean pair of scrubs, and autopilot through your pre-work routine: shower, eat, pack a lunch, and try to ignore the creeping dread. Turning analytical eyes to the mirror, the forest green scrubs are clean but wrinkled, and dark circles take up residence under your eyes. You tie your hair back with a scrunchie in a low ponytail (too high would cause a headache and hair not secured risks falling into unmentionable horrors). At 25 you feel as if you should exude more vitality and confidence, but you just feel empty and drained. Grabbing your lunch box and work bag, you head to your car. Inside, you pause to pick the music, using the last few moments of freedom before you''re expected to be everything for everyone. You''ve been hooked on BTS ever since your curiosity won over and researched them that night. Their music is laced with the panacea for wounds you didn¡¯t know you had, and you can¡¯t get enough. You hit play and let the sound waves melt into you before starting the engine. ¡°You Never Walk Alone¡± begins bringing tears that sting your eyes as you pull out and maneuver to the main road. A weak smile spreads across your lips, the first smile that''s touched your face all day. A voice inside you wells up and whispers, ¡°It''s going to be okay.You''regoing to be okay.¡± Floral Haze You slide your ID badge through the time clock as the morning sun burns your heavy eyes, shifting your gaze to nothing in particular. Your mind fixates on continuing the passionate love affair you have with your bed. Feeling a vibration in your pocket, you take out your phone and see a text. Mom How¡¯s your week going? I miss you. Call me. You stare at it a moment before sliding the phone back into your pocket. Pulling into your apartment complex, you can¡¯t quite remember the drive home, but the chill in the late spring air is enough to ward off the ever-thickening fog in your mind. You drag yourself up the three flights of stairs to your one bedroom hobbit-hole. It¡¯s a decent place to call ¡°home,¡± but there¡¯s certainly room for upward mobility. Besides, your parents are close by, and family is what gives life meaning. You tear off your scrubs, pull on a gray sweatsuit, and crash-land in your bed before sleep overtakes you. ? ? ? Your eyes crack open as the soft glow of the evening sun seeps through the window and check your phone. Five missed calls from your mom. Sitting up in bed, your mind races as your heartbeat matches pace. You call her back. The ringing echoes in your ear and jumbles inside your head. ¡°Hello?¡± your mom answers. ¡°Hey, you called me five times. Is something wrong? Are you okay?¡± you ask. ¡°Oh, yeah, everything¡¯s fine. I just missed you and wanted to catch up. How¡¯s your week been?¡± Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. ¡°You called me five times because you were wondering how my week¡¯s been? I thought someone died.¡± ¡°Honey, I didn¡¯t mean to scare you. I got worried when you didn¡¯t reply to the text I sent this morning.¡± ¡°You know I work night shift, Mom.¡± ¡°I missed you and thought I could catch you before you fell asleep,¡± she explained. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Her voice sounds strained. You press your palm to your forehead. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± you say on an exhale. ¡°My week¡¯s been fine. Working. The usual.¡± ¡°We¡¯ll have to get dinner some time this week,¡± she says brightly. ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± you say as you inwardly groan. ¡°How¡¯s your week been?¡± ¡°Good. Nothing too exciting. I¡¯m going to let you go now. I¡¯ve got dinner plans with Mark.¡± ¡°Okay?¡± ¡°Talk to you soon! Love you.¡± ¡°Love you, too.¡± You place your phone back on the nightstand and lie back in bed. What the fuck. I thought we were past this. Replaying conversations, you analyze what was left unsaid. Maybe you didn¡¯t use the right words. Maybe there was a miscommunication. Defeated, you sling your arm across your eyes. Your phone rattles on the nightstand. What the hell does she want now? You reach over to check your phone and see a Weverse notification that Jungkook started a live. After watching their AMA performance a month ago, you downloaded the app and haven¡¯t looked back. Excitement blooms as you open the app and watch the live. ¡°Hello,¡± he says with a little wave. His shiny, dark hair falls over his warm brown eyes, and he¡¯s dressed in a casual white T shirt. You¡¯re taken aback by his effortless masculinity and feel heat touch your cheeks. You wave back and immediately regret it. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you, ARMY,¡± he says as his eyes scan the chat. Your heart leaps into your throat as you see an opportunity. Do you like noonas? You press enter, stifling a giggle. His eyes continue to stare at the chat until his brow furrows. ¡°Do I like noonas?¡± he asks. You gasp as your face turns from pink to dark red. No fucking way. Frozen, you watch him contemplate your question. He breaks out into a smile saying, ¡°That¡¯s for me to know.¡± He throws a finger heart with a wink, and you bury a scream into your pillow. He clears his throat and says, ¡°ARMY, thank you for all your support and love. I came on here to remind you that tickets for the Love Yourself tour go on sale May 5th.¡± He points a finger and stares intensely into the camera. ¡°I¡¯d better see you there.¡± Tomorrow. War Jasmine YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED Nikki you finally quit Jasmine I wish SOMETHING BETTER Nikki What?? Jasmine JK SAW MY CHAT ON LIVE!!! I asked him if he liked noonas LOL he said that¡¯s for him to know?? Nikki WTF!!! HOW Jasmine I KNOW let me die now because I¡¯ve peaked btw did you know tickets go on sale tomorrow? Nikk think about what you just asked me Jasmine well damnnnn okay yeah stupid question Nikki it¡¯s okay you get a pass but let¡¯s not forget who INTRODUCED YOU to them Jasmine lmfaoooo yes ma¡¯am Nikki are we going to this together or what Jasmine I thought you¡¯d never ask what¡¯s the strat Nikki are you sure you¡¯re cut out for this it¡¯s real army shit Jasmine YES OMG If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Nikki okay good because we¡¯re getting GA blood will be spilled Jasmine I crave the blood of my enemies Nikki excellent SO for the best chances we both have to try to get tickets they¡¯ll go QUICK I need you nimble Jasmine nimble and ready, soldier WAIT NOT LIKE THAT Nikki nimble and ready for who?? I think I know Jasmine STOP IT let¡¯s talk about your obsession with RM shall we Nikki ANYWAY this is going to be amazing!! make sure you have an army membership and ticketmaster set up so glad I can finally share this with my bestie since 5th grade Jasmine okay I¡¯m so excited!!! me too :) You find yourself smiling at your phone. Nikki knew you in the way a sister did, the type of bond that can only come from surviving the awkward years of pre-pubescence and struggling together to find a place in this world. You still remember the first time you met her when she moved into a house down the street in the neighborhood you grew up in. She was a bit nerdy, but that¡¯s okay because you were, too. A fast friendship formed once you discovered a shared love for anime (especially pining over anime boys), karaoke, and video games. When you came out as bisexual at 21 years old, she didn¡¯t judge you when everyone else did. Life has tried to create distance and diverging paths, but you¡¯re always pulled back together by your hearts being made of the same stuff. Remembering you have an important mission, you break out of your reminiscence and prepare for the mayhem. ? ? ? Getting the tickets is all you can think about. You had to adjust your sleep schedule a bit to be awake for the 10 am presale time, falling asleep at about 3 am. You¡¯ve double and triple checked your email, Ticketmaster account, internet connection, and memorized your presale code. Nothing and no one can stop you from getting these tickets. Feeling secure without the folly of hubris, you settle into your computer chair with required coffee in hand and check the time. 8:45 am. Fifteen minutes before the virtual waiting room opens. Perfect. Your time management skills are immaculate, and it¡¯s one of the few things you can actually thank nursing for. Drumming your fingertips on the desk, your mind searches for something to concentrate on that¡¯s not the quickening thrum in your chest. The best you can manage is staring at the Ticketmaster page trying to manifest the near future as it all becomes a swirl of blue and white. As soon as the waiting room for the queue becomes available, you swiftly click to enter. The page loads. Thank You for Joining the Waiting Room When the sale begins, your screen will automatically refresh and you will be moved into the Queue. 59 minutes left Why does this feel like the Hunger Games. You suck in a breath and will yourself to relax. Jasmine I can¡¯t stand this Nikki what happened to ¡°I crave the blood of my enemies¡± Jasmine I do! but this is a lot the anticipation is killing me Nikki welcome to being an ARMY. I told you this was real shit. Stay. Focused. 1 minute left You watch the countdown on the screen as your body coils. The screen refreshes. You Are Now in The Queue 1734 People Ahead of You 1734?? How¡­ You slide your presale code closer to you, praying you¡¯ve done enough. You don¡¯t dare tear your gaze away from the site as you watch the blue bar grow across the page.
Have you blinked? You¡¯re not sure, but it doesn¡¯t matter. Blood rushes through you, flushing your face with fire. The screen refreshes. You¡¯re in. Your mouth becomes paper. You enter your presale code with trembling fingers. It¡¯s accepted, and you can hardly hear your own thoughts. One rises above the noise: GA. You force the mouse to the general admission section on the seating chart. A ticket appears. Sorry, another fan beat you to this ticket. Tasting your heartbeat, you maneuver to another GA ticket. Sorry, another fan beat you to this ticket. Shit. Another gone. Then another. Electricity frays your nerves and your stomach twists. As you move to select another ticket, the GA section turns gray. The frenzy is replaced by a tidal wave of realization crashing into you. GA is sold out. You watch in silence as more sections of the stadium are swallowed up by the same gray color. Helping Eyes wide, you sit back in your chair. A tightness whirls in your chest until it¡¯s suffocating, stealing the air around you. You hadn¡¯t realized how much you wanted this. Needed this. A weight makes its home in your shoulders and chest. You pick up your phone and call Nikki. As you listen to the ringing, you use the energy you have left to hold off the threatening darkness and silence the whispers of disappointing Nikki. ¡°Did you get the tickets?¡± she asks. ¡°No... I really underestimated how feral ARMY would be. Sorry...¡± ¡°Don¡¯t be sorry. Imagine how many other people didn¡¯t get tickets. Shit¡¯s fucked.¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re right. Thanks.¡± Feeling silly for assuming she¡¯d be upset, you allow the guilt to dissipate. ¡°What about you? Did you get tickets?¡± A silence lengthens. Nikki sighs. ¡°My presale code didn¡¯t work.¡± ¡°What?¡± Your head buzzes with confusion and denial. ¡°How does that even happen?¡± You don¡¯t want this to be real. It can¡¯t be real. Nikki releases a cackle. Is this funny¡­? ¡°I GOT TICKETS, BITCH!¡± she yells into the phone, causing you to startle and almost drop your phone. The heaviness lifts and darkness scatters replaced by relief¡­and slight annoyance. ¡°You are so RUDE!¡± ¡°Oh my god, I wish I could see your face right now!¡± she says through fits of laughter. ¡°Shut up,¡± you say as you roll your eyes, planning revenge. ¡°Wait, did you get GA?¡± ¡°Obviously.¡± She said, ¡°And sound check,¡± adding as if it were inconsequential. ¡°No. Fucking. Way,¡± is all you can manage. You hear a smile in her voice as she says, ¡°We¡¯re going to see BTS.¡± ? ? ? ¡°I¡¯m so glad we could meet for dinner,¡± your mom says, sitting across from you at a swanky bar. She¡¯s styled in the current trends of ripped jeans, faux snakeskin boots, and a white button up with the first few buttons undone. The low, soft lighting flickers shadows across her face as she smiles at you. Somehow, you always feel a bit smaller in her gaze. ¡°So, how¡¯s work been?¡± ¡°Honestly¡­not great,¡± you say, looking down and fiddling with your silverware. You¡¯re dressed in comfortable shoes with a striped shirt and flared jeans you threw on before walking out the door. ¡°I¡¯m really burned out. All I can manage is working and sleeping.¡± Her eyebrows raise. ¡°I hate to hear that. You know, I only did one year of ICU until I went to the OR,¡± she says. ¡°It was too sad. But you can always get back on Lexapro if you think you need it.¡± The waiter sets two fresh cocktails on the table. Your mom picks hers up and raises it into the air. ¡°Cheers!¡± ¡°Cheers,¡± you say, plastering a smile on your face that feels more like a grimace. You both pause to taste the fizzy purple drinks. It¡¯s fruity with a bite. ¡°I don¡¯t think the OR is¡­.my thing,¡± you say as you repress a shudder. You prefer to work with patients that have most of their organs inside them. ¡°And Lexapro made me really apathetic. I didn¡¯t feel sad, but I didn¡¯t feel happy, either.¡± You take another sip of your drink, welcoming anything to take the edge off. ¡°I haven¡¯t heard you talk about a date in a while. Maybe you need a distraction,¡± she says with a mischievous look as she swirls her straw. ¡°Have you tried one of those apps?¡± she asks, taking a drink. ¡°Like Tinder? Ew, no.¡± You don¡¯t bother to hide your cringing. ¡°You should try it! That¡¯s how I met Mark.¡± Both of your parents went to their own extremes after divorcing a year ago. Your dad is off gallivanting in a new country every few months and, more often than not, brings home a 20-something who can hardly string two sentences together. Your mom stayed put and explored the local dating pool which wouldn¡¯t be so bad if she had better taste in men. Every relationship started out the same. She was head over heels, said she¡¯d found The One, and then, the dramatic fallout would inevitably happen. Sometimes she claimed he was controlling, other times he wasn¡¯t interesting enough, and sometimes that he acted too old. No matter the reason, the breakup was always a spectacle. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ¡°I¡¯m good,¡± you say as you begin to seriously regret agreeing to this dinner. Your mom finishes her drink and says, ¡°Just think about it.¡± ? ? ? As May melts into June, you search for September like a lighthouse on a jagged cliffside. You trust its promise of hope in the darkness, guiding you through the unseen. Time presses on in a repeating pattern of bleary eyes, disorienting sleep, and wine lubricating the forward momentum. June fades into July, and you¡¯ve never been so happy to feel the humidity intensifying, thickening the air around you. You long for the scorching heat of summer at its peak and steam rising off the pavement like a strange mist. Each day that ends is one day closer to a beautiful escape you¡¯re starving for. ? ? ? You¡¯ve heard this before far too many times. A 20-something who hasn¡¯t yet realized they are not, in fact, immortal until it¡¯s too late. You shrug off the remnants of sleep and replace it with your carefully refined nurse persona, becoming someone who knows exactly what to say and do. Someone who is a combination of training, experience, science, and instinct, wearing them like armor. Your true self is neatly folded up and placed in a box that¡¯s buried deep down inside you. ¡°The patient was at his girlfriend¡¯s house under the influence of Fentanyl and had a heart attack. He collapsed in the living room,¡± the day shift nurse said, sitting next to you at a desk in the nurse¡¯s station. His eyes were bloodshot and gleaming with exhaustion. He continued, ¡°His girlfriend gave CPR for 8 minutes while waiting for the paramedics. Came to us at 1638 and we stabilized him. He¡¯s in multiple organ failure and intubated. He¡¯s got a pulse, but¡­it doesn¡¯t look good.¡± You see a flash of sympathy in his eyes as he shifts in his chair. You categorize each fact in your mind. They¡¯re what you cling to, what you focus on when everything else is too painful. ¡°What about brain function?¡± you ask. ¡°No response to reflex tests or pain. The apnea test was positive for brain death.¡± He glances down for a moment at his report sheet then meets your gaze again. ¡°When was that done?¡± Facts. Focus on the facts. ¡°1830. The family was there for the test, but they don¡¯t know the results yet.¡± His eyes seem to silently apologize. You feel your chest cave in like a sinkhole that finally collapsed, revealing the void underneath and ruthlessly betraying any sense of security. You feel as if you¡¯ll be buried by this void, but just as it¡¯s all too much to bear, something inside you rises up and steels your spirit against the crushing reality. A sense of duty to this family, these people you have not yet met, overwhelms you. You aren¡¯t religious, but if you were, you think this would be a good time to pray. As the day shift nurse leaves, you feel the weight of responsibility fully pass to you. Rising from your chair, you glance into the glass-walled ICU room to see the family. They¡¯re red-eyed and touching each other gently. One hand on a back. Two hands clasped. Reaching for comfort in an impossible situation. A mother. A father. A girlfriend. Dr. Winters, the ICU attending, strides over to you. A few strands of her metallic gray hair have escaped from her bun and glint under the fluorescent lights. Her dark-framed glasses are smudged, and the dark circles under her eyes match your own. ¡°Have you been updated on the patient¡¯s condition?¡± she asks. ¡°Yes.¡± You both exchange a knowing look. She nods, her face stoic. ¡°Good. I¡¯ll talk to them in a few minutes.¡± Your legs feel like cement, but you force them forward and enter the room. ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Jasmine, and I¡¯ll be the nurse tonight,¡± you say, making sure to meet each of their eyes. ¡°Has Dr. Winters said anything? Is he going to be okay?¡± the mother pleads. The question burns like a snake''s venom in your blood. ¡°Dr. Winters will be here in a few minutes to discuss the results,¡± you say simply, internally wincing at the side-step. You watch as the hope in their eyes falters ever so slightly. Dr. Winters enters the room with her shoulders square and spine straight. ¡°As you know, we performed the apnea test. We watch for spontaneous breathing off the vent to determine brain activity.¡± A roaring silence engulfs the room as you brace yourself. ¡°During the test, we didn¡¯t notice any spontaneous breaths.¡± Tears slide down their faces, and you push your own away. This isn¡¯t about me. ¡°He has no brain function.¡± Tears turn to sobs as the hope they were holding so tightly to is ripped away. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Dr. Winters says. You feel her wailing tear through you, fragmenting a piece of you with it. It¡¯s the sound of a mother losing her son. You¡¯d hear it long after your shift. In your dreams. In laughter. In the shrieks of children playing. It would be like a ghost, haunting you as you carry the death of someone you never met and the grief of a family you¡¯d never see again. Against your own wishes, tears spring to your eyes. This isn¡¯t about me. You stand as witness to their nightmare as they compassionately consent to releasing him from this medical prison. He¡¯s disconnected from the ventilator, and the QRS complexes slowly and steadily widen until his heart stills forever. ? ? ? After time with him to say their goodbyes, the family leaves to make arrangements. You enter the ICU room and mechanically follow protocol, beginning by removing all the tubes from his body. You lower the head of the bed until it¡¯s horizontal and straighten his limbs, gently moving his head to midline. You wash his body with the hospital-issued cleansing wipes. When your work is done, you contact hospital security to deliver the body bag and tag. You tie the tag around his first toe. A fellow nurse helps you place his body into the bag, and you zip it closed. ? ? ? On the drive home, the horrible storm just underneath the surface overpowers the little strength you have left to fight it off and allow it to overtake you. Quiet sobbing becomes wild sounds from the depths of your being, and you manage to pull over onto the shoulder as the world glows with early morning light. You weep until you¡¯re exhausted. Until the storm is more manageable. Until your face and scrub top are soaked with tears. Nothing can make this right. You just learn to live with it. You¡¯re calm enough to safely drive again, and as you reach for the gear shift, your phone buzzes. It¡¯s a notification of an auto-deposit of your biweekly paycheck. $1,728. Automatic The rest of July muddies in your mind, mixing like too much water in paint, until, finally, September arrives. ? ? ? You open the door to reveal a road-trip-ready Nikki. She¡¯s wearing a white short-sleeved shirt, black leggings, and vans. Her hazel eyes are bright with excitement despite the early morning. ¡°I can¡¯t believe we¡¯re doing this!¡± she says as you motion for her to come in. ¡°Are you ready?¡± You promised yourself you¡¯re going to leave all thoughts of work behind for the BTS concert, so you shake off the remnants of the past few weeks as best you can, hoping you can keep your promise. ¡°More than you know,¡± you respond. You chose short overalls with a white crop top underneath and purple converse. You grab your canvas bag and suitcase, take one last look at your apartment, and walk out the door. ? ? ? The motion of the car threatens to lull you to sleep, so you take a swig of the sugary iced latte with a pump of lavender Nikki made a pit stop for. She swishes her own iced coffee and sneaks a glance at you. ¡°You¡¯ve been awfully quiet,¡± she says. ¡°Yeah,¡± you say as you look down at your coffee. ¡°I¡¯ve been dealing with some stuff.¡± ¡°Anything you want to talk about?¡± ¡°Not really¡­¡± you say as you avoid her eyes. She¡¯s silent for a moment, and you suspect she senses your darkness. ¡°It¡¯s too much to get into now. I just want to focus on having fun,¡± you explain. ¡°We can talk about it later.¡± ¡°Alright,¡± she says. ¡°I¡¯m here whenever you want to talk.¡± You feel a twinge of guilt for not wanting to open up, but you promised yourself you wouldn¡¯t ruin this trip with rants about work. Besides, there was time to get into everything later. ¡°So, what¡¯s this master plan of yours?¡± you ask, changing subjects. Nikki perks up and says, ¡°Well, I¡¯m so glad you asked.¡± A smile forms across her face. ¡°I did some research and we¡¯re going to get to Fort Worth before their flight lands. So we can see them at the airport if we time it right!¡± ¡°Are we sure we want to be airport ARMYs?¡± you ask. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine,¡± she says as she waves a hand. ¡°We¡¯ll stay at the back and watch the chaos. Not be part of it,¡± she says. ¡°We can¡¯t miss this!¡± ¡°Okay, but we better not get mobbed or something,¡± you say. ¡°I¡¯m off duty.¡± Laughing, she says, ¡°Chill out, Mrs. Nurse. You need to enjoy yourself every once and a while.¡± A smile cracks across your mouth, feeling foreign. ¡°Oh,¡± Nikki says, remembering something. ¡°There¡¯s a package in the backseat,¡± she motions with her head. ¡°Open it.¡± You reach over and grab the box, using your keys as a makeshift boxcutter. You peel back the cardboard to reveal two BT21 Line Friends headbands ¨C one with two pastel blue Koyas on each side and another with soft pink Cookys. ¡°You did not,¡± you gasp, grabbing both of them out of the box as butterflies flutter in your stomach. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have!¡± you say, throwing an incredulous look her way. ¡°But I did,¡± Nikki says with a mischievous grin. ? ? ? Arriving at the hotel, you drag your suitcase in and flop facedown on the nearest twin bed. ¡°Rest later,¡± Nikki says, kicking one of your feet hanging off the edge of the bed. You roll over as your heart picks up speed thinking about the reality of seeing BTS at the airport. ¡°How close are we really going to get?¡± you ask, mentally preparing yourself. ¡°Close enough, trust me,¡± Nikki says. ¡°Now let¡¯s go.¡± ? ? ? You and Nikki walk through the automatic glass doors of the Dallas Fort Worth airport as cold air rushes over you and your eyes adjust. Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. ¡°Their gate is B7,¡± she says, leading you through the maze of people and illuminated signs. Making your way past the convenience stores and restaurants, you notice splashes of purple mixing with everyday travelers. Looks like we all had the same idea. As you weave through people, the air hums with a secret thrill. A large group of fans have already claimed their territory around the gate, so you and Nikki steal seats at a nearby bar that¡¯s carefully tucked away. ¡°How long have they been waiting here?¡± you ask. ¡°Some people have been here since early this morning,¡± Nikki answers. You stare back at her with wide eyes. Nikki laughs and says, ¡°I saw it on Twitter. Don¡¯t underestimate ARMY, remember?¡± ¡°I¡¯m learning,¡± you say, watching the horde of fans around the gate grow larger with each breath. Nikki snaps upright with bright eyes. ¡°I almost forgot!¡± She pulls out the BT21 headbands from her backpack and puts on her Koya one. You slide on your Cooky headband feeling a bit shy until you¡¯re reminded of sage wisdom Nikki once shared. Loud and proud, bitch. You sit a little taller. Screams erupt from the crowd, and your breath catches. The mass of fans lurches forward as two security personnel struggle to maintain control. ¡°Come on. Let¡¯s see if we can get closer,¡± Nikki says as she pushes away from her chair and is gone before you have the chance to protest. You follow her and struggle to keep up. ¡°I thought we were staying a safe distance away!¡± The screams are so loud that you have to shout at the back of Nikki¡¯s head as she presses forward. You¡¯re not sure if she doesn¡¯t hear you or is conveniently ignoring you. You¡¯re swallowed up by the sea of ARMY and work to maintain balance as the crowd undulates like a strong current. Only a few people separate you from Nikki, so you push deeper into the unbridled mass. An elbow jabs you in the ribs as you dodge a flying hand that knocks your headband awry. You reach up a hand to stabilize it. ¡°What the fuck was that?¡± you ask Nikki as you catch up to her. You realize how close you are to the front as you catch your breath. The screams intensify in a way you didn¡¯t think was possible as the seven members of BTS glide into view. Your heart stops. Fans press in on all sides. They proceed one by one accompanied by a single security guard. Jimin. He politely nods to the crowd as he walks by, hiding under a black beanie and chic sunglasses. You admire his effortless glamor. Jin. The first thing you notice is how broad his shoulders are in person. He flashes a playful smile to the screaming fans as he strides by. You hear a few shouts from security, but can¡¯t quite make out what was said. Your eyes scan the room for signs of danger as your intuition whispers to you that something isn¡¯t right. Yoongi. His cool and confident aura strikes you as he motions a casual wave to acknowledge ARMY. Taehyung. A few silver rings glint in the light as he holds up a peace sign. Waves of forward motion from the mass of people push you forward. You hear Nikki gasp. Namjoon. Your eyes gravitate to his dimples as his lips press back into a cheeky smile. ¡°Stay back!¡± a security guard warns. Fans continue to drive toward the members, using their strength in numbers. Why the hell do they not have better security? A feeling of dread forms in the pit of your stomach. It¡¯s a warning. You lock arms with Nikki without explanation. You hear more shouting from security that is lost in exhilarated screams. Time stops. Jungkook. His face is concealed by a bucket hat as he walks by carefully, separated from the others. The fans forget social norms as they become intoxicated by proximity. You see a security guard speak into his radio as another shouts again to stay back. You and Nikki exchange a look as you both realize what this could turn into. You witness the unthinkable as fans rush into the walkway and cut Jungkook off. He begins to take a few steps back when more fans block the way he came. He looks around for security as he¡¯s surrounded by people. It¡¯s too late. Jungkook is engulfed in a sea of ARMY. Your heart feels as if it will leap out of your chest as an unknown part of you is activated and overtakes you. Urgency and instinct course through you, overriding all other thoughts. Go. Not fully understanding why, you break away from Nikki leaving her stunned. Pushing your way through the crowd, the yelling becomes indiscernible as you¡¯re compressed by people on all sides. You break through the final ring of fans around him to see him sprawled on the ground. ¡°Get back!¡± you hear yourself shout, pushing people away. You kneel down to meet him on the cold tile. Your analytical eyes scan him for information. Facts. Respirations? Slow, but present. Pulse? You hesitate for the first time since you left Nikki. Reality threatens to drown out your training, so you hone in on your instincts before it¡¯s too late. Taking your first and middle finger, you feel for Jungkook¡¯s carotid pulse beneath his jaw. Steady. ¡°Jungkook?¡± you half-shout. No response. Loss of consciousness. You delicately turn his face looking for any signs of trauma and find a large bruise forming on the right side of his head. Shit. Preparing for the worst, you coax his head back to midline. His eyes flutter open. ¡°Jungkook? You¡¯re okay. Help is coming,¡± you say in your best I¡¯m-a-nurse voice. His brown eyes are dark, deep, and dazed. You lose yourself in them. Your gaze is broken when backup security with EMTs appear and break up the crowd. ¡°What happened?¡± one of the EMTs asks. You stand. ¡°I¡¯m a nurse. The crowd rushed him, and I didn¡¯t see what happened. When I got to him, he was unconscious on the ground. He has a large right lateral bruise. Respirations 14. Pulse 72. He regained consciousness just before you got here. ¡± They nod and begin examining him. You see the other six members examining you with a questioning look and heat spreads across your cheeks. Jungkook sits up holding his head. As the adrenaline leaves your system, fear is replaced. What the fuck did I just do. You notice a severe woman with a shirt that says MEDICAL STAFF holding a clipboard who beckons you to her. Oh god. You force yourself to walk over to meet her. ¡°I¡¯m Park Eunji, head of the medical staff for BTS.¡± Blooming Wild ¡°Tell me what happened.¡± Eunji readies her pen on the clipboard as her stoney eyes stare back at you without further explanation. She looks to be in her forties and wears a fashionably cut bob, her midnight black hair falling just below her chin. Blinking yourself into focus, you revert to your work persona as you explain the events and your observations to her matter-of-factly just as you did with the EMTs. She listens intently while scribbling notes, her face giving nothing away. Fear and anxiety begin to coil and grip you. ¡°I¡¯m a nurse,¡± you add at the end, hoping to provide some explanation as to why you were involved at all. You try not to think of all the money Big Hit has to throw at a lawsuit. Eunji raises a manicured eyebrow. ¡°What unit?¡± ¡°Medical ICU,¡± you say, feeling like this is becoming a cross-examination. She pauses to watch the EMTs as they maneuver and secure Jungkook to the stretcher a few feet away and turns to face you again. Her eyes scan you which causes you to instinctively draw your shoulders back and lift your chin. When she¡¯s done, she asks, ¡°And I suppose you have a name?¡± ¡°Jasmine Law, ¡° you say, attempting to appear calm and confident while your heart pounds in your ears. She taps her pen against her clipboard while deep in thought, and you shift uncomfortably. As if she¡¯s decided something, she extends the clipboard and pen toward you. ¡°Fill out this form with your contact info. Name, address, phone number, and where you¡¯re staying.¡± You hesitate as your chest tightens. ¡°Why do you need this information?¡± ¡°That¡¯s none of your concern,¡± she says evenly, and your stomach drops. Please, please don¡¯t sue me. You have a fleeting thought of sprinting out of the building but decide the odds are not in your favor. She stares back at you expectantly. Afraid of what will happen if you don¡¯t fill out the paperwork, you tentatively take the clipboard and pen, fill out your information, and hand it back to her. She gives you one more thoughtful glance before turning on her heels and assisting the medical staff. Head spinning, you watch as Jungkook is carried out on a stretcher into an ambulance outside for further examination at a local hospital. Park Eunji with other medical staff and the six members of BTS follow him out of the building. The airport feels empty and hollow, and you search for Nikki. You see her slack-jawed about where you broke away from her earlier. ¡°What was that?¡± she asks as you make your way to her. Her eyes are wide as if she¡¯s integrating the you she just saw into the you she¡¯s always known. ¡°Honestly, I have no idea¡­¡± you say as you keep your head down and focus on gaining distance from what you now consider to be the most embarrassing moment of your life. ¡°It was like something else was controlling me.¡± Nikki struggles to keep pace with you as you search for an exit. You brush your thumb over the pads of your first and middle fingers, the moment returning instantly. His skin was like velvet, and it felt criminal to know. The remnants of his pulse still played on your fingers like an imprint. Nikki laughs as if she¡¯s remembered something funny. ¡°And to think you did all that with your Cooky headband!¡± ¡°Are you serious?¡± you ask as you tear the headband off, quickening your pace to the exit. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. You attempt to imagine what Jungkook saw, and your face turns scarlet. Not to mention how so very serious you tried to be under Eunji¡¯s scrutiny. As if this could get any worse. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to get sued by Big Hit, ¡° you confess. ¡°Why?¡± Nikki asks. ¡°The head of the medical staff took my information.¡± ¡°Did she say why?¡± ¡°No, she wouldn¡¯t tell me.¡± Nikki stares at you for a moment looking unsure of what to say. Finally, she says, ¡°Well, that should make tomorrow even more interesting.¡± ? ? ? Back at the hotel room, you decide to confront Nikki. ¡°Hey, I need to talk to you about something.¡± You sit on the twin bed facing her as she sits on the other twin bed across from you. ¡°Yeah? What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Why did you take off? We had a whole conversation about how we¡¯d stay a safe distance away,¡± you say, bracing yourself for her response. ¡°Yeah,¡° she says as she glances down sheepishly. ¡°I guess I got carried away. I had no idea it would be that dangerous.¡± She looks at you and says, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± You exhale a breath you¡¯d been holding in. ¡°It¡¯s okay. I forgive you.¡± After a moment, she asks, ¡°What was it like?¡± ¡°What was what like?¡± ¡°I mean, you got really close to Jungkook and BTS.¡± A smile forms and she says, ¡°Thanks to me, I might add.¡± You roll your eyes at her then giggle as you say, ¡°Nikki. I checked his pulse.¡± ¡°You touched him??¡± she says, slamming her hands on her knees. ¡°Yeah, I kinda did.¡± You both fall into laughter. ? ? ? You and Nikki stand side by side in the mirror giving yourselves a last look before heading out to the concert. You now regret packing the 90¡¯s style vintage shirt you got from Etsy, but it¡¯s all you have to wear. It¡¯s an oversized black shirt with ¡°JUNGKOOK¡± in large font and variations of his face all over it. It¡¯s paired with baggy light wash jeans and purple converse. You look down at your Cooky headband, turning it in your hands and wondering if you should wear it. You and Nikki coordinated your outfits, so she has a similar style shirt with Namjoon. She¡¯s dressed it with dark wash ripped jeans and black converse. And, of course, her Koya headband. Nikki gasps while looking at her phone. ¡°Koreaboo posted an article on the incident at the airport!¡± ¡°Oh, god. The incident.¡± Nikki doesn¡¯t pay attention to your comment and is engrossed in the article. She reads, ¡°¡®A fan with a medical background saves Jungkook from a swarm of overzealous fans when he¡¯s rushed and trampled exiting his gate. There are no sources on who this fan is, but we all want to extend her our thanks. Big Hit has released a statement that Jungkook left the scene with only a bruise and will still perform tonight with BTS.¡¯¡± Your head swims, echoing her words. Before you can form coherent sentences, there¡¯s a knock at the door. You and Nikki exchange a confused glance, and you make your way over to the door. Looking through the peephole, you see a young woman dressed in a hotel staff uniform holding something you can¡¯t quite make out. ¡°Who is it?¡± Nikki asks. ¡°A hotel employee,¡± you respond, dread pooling in your stomach. This is it. I¡¯m being served. Opening the door as Nikki stands a few steps behind you, you¡¯re both stunned into silence. ¡°Are you Jasmine Law?¡± the employee asks, smiling politely. ¡°Yes,¡± you say hoarsely. ¡°These were ordered to your room,¡± she says as she extends what she¡¯s holding. The soft, airy tulle crinkles in your hand as you accept it and sweet floral scents glide over your face. You grasp the grouping of stems. A bouquet. Without a word more, the young woman leaves, and the door closes. You hold a full, artistic arrangement of pink tulips, sprigs of lavender, and baby¡¯s breath wrapped in white tulle. A matching white envelope sits in the center of the bouquet. ¡°Do you have a stalker?¡± Nikki asks as she eyes you and the flowers. ¡°No,¡± you say, entranced. There¡¯s a slight tremor in your hand as you reach to take the envelope and open it. The card is a simple and elegant design of pure white with gold trim. You open the card. Thank you for your courage yesterday. We hope you like the flowers. Enjoy the show tonight. BTS Fantasy Standing in line for sound check, you hardly feel your feet connecting with the earth. Other fans are chatting happily around you as people ahead of you are allowed into the arena a few at a time. Everything seems dream-like, your head swimming as you try to make sense of everything that¡¯s happened. You recall the flowers, the card, and the seven unique signatures on it. A part of you wonders how much it would sell for and stifle a conspiratorial giggle. Your mind drifts to a memory you can¡¯t stop replaying. You saw it as you were falling asleep. When you woke up. Every time you close your eyes, you see Jungkook looking up at you with his doe eyes, a mystery hidden within them. It¡¯s as if he was¡­taking you in. No. You push against the thoughts and worry you¡¯re being completely swept away by fantasy. That¡¯s ridiculous. I did what anyone else with a medical background would¡¯ve done in that situation. Nothing more, nothing less. I was just¡­lucky. Lucky. Really, really lucky. Muted shrieks ring out of the arena that send shivers down your spine, shocking you into the present moment. Demons from another life rear their ugly heads, and you refuse to let their hauntings ruin even a second of this. They¡¯re the sounds of excited fans. Not grieving. Not death. You shake your head to free yourself of their whispers and take in a cleansing breath. You repeat the grounding exercise you read about online to help with times like these: Today is September 15th, 2018. It¡¯s 3pm. I¡¯m in Fort Worth, Texas outside the Convention Center with Nikki. I am safe. The threatening, suffocating tendrils draw back just enough to give some relief. The method was a mixed bag. Sometimes it works, and sometimes you end up having a full-blown panic attack. It¡¯s not pretty. Sometimes you wake up screaming in the middle of the night, terror blazing like wildfire through your body, not remembering where you are. These events started shortly after your parents divorce, and your experiences at work weren¡¯t helping, either. I am safe. The shadows inside dissolve a little more. Nikki hasn¡¯t said much since you received the flowers at the hotel. It seems she¡¯s having equal difficulty wrapping her head around things, too. The only time she opened her mouth was to convince you to wear your Cooky headband to the concert right before leaving. She was insistent on following through with the coordinated outfits. As you look over at her, her eyes are glazed over as she stares at nothing in particular, and you both stand in the line in silence. Nikki turns to you. ¡°BTS sent you flowers.¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Because of yesterday.¡± ¡°Yep.¡± She turns back. You¡¯re relieved she¡¯s grappling with reality as much as you are, a small smile forming. She deserves this. As much as she comes off bubbly and fun, you know there¡¯s a darkness in her, too. She¡¯s always worked hard. Made the grades, graduated as valedictorian, and went to college on a full ride scholarship. Now, she¡¯s in her third year of pharmacy school. You often wonder why she pushes herself so much. The shrieks crescendo as you edge closer to the arena entrance. As you stand at the front of the line, a cool air-conditioned breeze rolls through the entrance doors. You and Nikki show your wristbands, and the staff wave you through. The cold air blows over you as you enter the large, bright arena. Center stage holds a giant BTS symbol that makes your stomach flip. Rows of stadium seats encircle the stage with a spacious concrete floor area for GA. There¡¯s enough room that you don¡¯t have to cram in, so you and Nikki stick to the back to have more space. Taking in the venue, the air crackles with anticipation. Fans are chatting as few wild, girlish squeals escape sporadically. ¡°We¡¯re about to see them,¡± you say to Nikki. ¡°For sound check.¡± she responds. ¡°Are we dreaming?¡± ¡°If we are, I hope we never wake up.¡± A few rows form behind you as the rest of the fans fill in. Screams erupt from the mid-sized crowd as BTS casually walks onto the stage, and the crowd surges forward. You aren¡¯t ready to have a repeat of yesterday, so you and Nikki hang back. People hold up signs, send finger hearts, and wave as the seven members stroll across the stage taking the crowd in. Stolen story; please report. Your eyes hurt from taking in the radiance that are the seven members of BTS. Right there. Their star power is apparent even without a large production, makeup, and costume changes. Namjoon stands tall with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. The dimples are more pronounced here than at the airport. You can¡¯t explain it, but somehow his dimples are absolution from the drudgery of life. Jin beams, his angelic face looking even more unearthly. His charm is even more impactful in person as he sends a heart, and you witness his power as he flusters an entire crowd. Yoongi carries the same cool aura you saw at the airport onto the stage. As if you would expect any less, his authenticity expressed in every cell of his body. Hobi is dressed immaculately, his bright aura edged with darkness posing a question that begs an answer. Jimin¡¯s duality of cute and sexy smacks you in the face, and his deceiving innocence makes him harder to resist. Taehyung¡¯s dark eyes peek out from under his hair, and his reserved shyness endears him to you even more. Then, there¡¯s Jungkook. His undeniable magnetism enters your bloodstream as an unknowable force draws you in, intoxicating you. There was something about him that made you want to be shameless. Your eyes greedily drink in every detail, committing him to memory. The bruise on his right crown is a wisp of what it once was; the makeup artist did an excellent job concealing it. They¡¯re dressed comfortably in a combination of joggers, sweats, and jeans with oversized shirts in muted colors. Each member flashes their own gorgeous smile as they greet the fans. As if it¡¯s all become too much to handle, Nikki releases a scream as she jumps and waves which makes you laugh. Jimin¡¯s eyes follow the source of the outburst to her, his eyes becoming crescents as he notices her enthusiasm. Then they fall on you, and the unexpected attention makes you feel laid bare. His eyes become curious as you see something strange in them. Recognition. ¡°He smiled at me!¡± Nikki grabs your forearm with a death grip. ¡°Holy shit, I think he remembers you from yesterday!¡± Not knowing what else to do, you return Jimin¡¯s gaze, giving him a smile with a finger heart and praying he doesn¡¯t think you¡¯re some sasaeng. ¡°Park Jimin, what are we?¡± Nikki says in disbelief. She sends him a giant heart over her head. Namjoon speaks into his mic, ¡°ARMY, it¡¯s great to see you again!¡± He motions to an unseen staff member behind him and DNA starts to play. Hobi puts an arm in the air. ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± Jimin breaks away from observing you to sing his part. His voice is sweet and lithe like the first blooms of spring. As soon as he¡¯s done, he mazes his way through the energetic members until he gets to Jungkook. He leans in and whispers something in Jungkook¡¯s ear, Jungkook¡¯s eyes sliding over to you. You, in your stupid Cooky headband and stupid JUNGKOOK shirt. Your unruly heart pounds as you feel a desperation lurch within. Jimin breaks away from him with a subtle smile. Jungkook gives a small nod your way, and you die a little inside. Heat floods your face, the focus too much to bear. Before any fans can catch on, Jimin and Jungkook link arms and give aegyo to the crowd as a cute distraction. It¡¯s very effective. ¡°They definitely remember you!¡± Nikki says over the screaming fans, eyes wide. ¡°We¡¯ve officially peaked.¡± She throws her hands up. ¡°Straight to the top,¡± You stand in awe, no words coming to you. Maybe Nikki was right. Maybe this is what peaking feels like. It¡¯s all downhill from here. For the rest of the sound check, you¡¯re in a daze. You become so lost in the moment and music that you almost forget about the last 24 hours, your eyes traitorously lingering on Jungkook. Until - It was so quick, you could convince yourself it didn¡¯t happen. But it did. Jungkook snuck another glance at you. You know it happened because you were looking at him, too. As soon as he noticed, his eyes cut away. Your heart rises into your throat, feeling a twinge of panic and excitement. No one tells you what to do in these situations. Hell, most people aren¡¯t in these situations. DNA changes into Fake Love, and they make their way to the main stage to perform the choreography. Fans¡¯ cheers grow louder at the realization. Their bodies move fluidly in sync as they perform the first verse and chorus. Gaining ground between you and Jungkook is a relief from having to look at him too closely. From risking him looking at you again. The music fades. ¡°Love you ARMY! See you soon!¡± Taehyung says as the group walks off, fans screaming and holding up finger hearts. Jimin turns around to wave one last time to ARMY. Then, they¡¯re gone. ? ? ? You and Nikki file in for the concert. Your legs and feet ache after a long day of standing in lines, but you¡¯re willing to let them go completely numb for this. Nikki seems to have perked up after sound check because she won¡¯t stop talking about how hot Namjoon looked. Not that you would stop her ¡ª you agree. You already know seeing them so stunning and casual will be a special memory you can keep in your back pocket to pull out on your worst days, a soothing antidote for the aches and pains of living. The most you can give her are short responses in return. You¡¯re overloaded, and mentioning the secret glance Jungkook stole might make you combust. How you caught him looking. The embers in your blood threaten to catch fire at the memory. You and Nikki return to the hard concrete floor designated for GA. Again, you both make the joint decision to stay a healthy distance away from pockets of a few over-eager guests. Fans begin to fill the stadium, feeling more like a pilgrimage to a sacred site. One of unbridled joy; a celebration of love. Sounds of elation that begin as a rushing river become a deafening roar, and the white glow of ARMY Bombs twinkle across the arena, illuminating the space like divine moonlight. This is what magic feels like. The pre-concert footage begins as the lights dim. The screams of ARMY fill every space in your body, reverberating through your bones. One last time to see them on a screen before they¡¯re real again. In the flesh. The video fades to black. A base drop rings out as the BTS logo separates, emitting a pink-purple light. The crowd¡¯s sounds compress and roll through you as a thick smoke spreads across the stage. A white light flashes. ?? ? ? Clover BTS materializes glittering and glamorous in prince-inspired outfits as IDOL clashes through the arena. Now, it¡¯s the music that fills your bones and cells, enchanting you. The same music that¡¯s kept you holding on the last few months waiting for this night. Your voice joins the chorus of chaotic euphoria. BTS ends the song panting as fans scream, shouting the member¡¯s names. As they reach for their water and drink, you admire Jungkook¡¯s face already glistening with sweat. They line up for their opening comments, attempting to calm their heavy breathing from the performance. RM says, ¡°ARMY, we¡¯ve got a great show for you tonight! Thanks to a little bit of luck, all seven of us can be with you.¡± The stadium erupts in approval, and you try not to think about how you were the harbinger of such luck. Each member takes their turn saying heartfelt, cute phrases to ARMY, an unexplained intimacy encasing the arena like a soft blanket. When it¡¯s Jungkook¡¯s turn, he speaks slowly, choosing his words carefully. ¡°I¡¯m so happy I can perform tonight. Please don¡¯t worry about me, ARMY.¡± He breaks out into a smile. ¡°Let¡¯s make tonight unforgettable!¡± That full, spell-binding smile. You were part of the cause. Stop. Stop. Stop. STOP. He¡¯s already forgotten about me. They all have. You¡¯re afraid of completely losing your head and what the consequences will be when you¡¯re inevitably forced to return to normalcy. Your own thoughts are overtaken and silenced by what unfolds before you. The seven members dance furiously with such passion while singing that you question if you¡¯re of the same species. You hardly notice as you match their energy, your sways evolving into ecstatic dance. They professionally and gracefully glide through costume changes, songs, and solo performances. At the encore, golden streamers burst into the air, the moment bittersweet. You savor the dregs of their bewitchment as the seven members say their goodbyes, promising to see you again very soon and you vowing a similar promise in your innermost being. You cradle it like a precious gift as the members one by one disappear out of sight. The arena¡¯s harsh, bright lights flash on, blinding you for a few moments as your eyes adjust. As the mystical effects dissipate, you slowly realize that after being in the same room as BTS, you now have to find a way to live without them again. You have to return...to your job. To the burden of a life you didn¡¯t choose and have no control over. To your dad introducing you to yet another girl your age he¡¯s fucking. To the wounds of your mom you must tend to and her critical, diminishing gaze. To surviving each night hoping the alcohol is enough to ward off the nightmares. To waking up alone, screaming, and forgetting where you are. Without the lighthouse guiding you through the darkness, you¡¯re likely to crash into the cliffside. Your heart twists as tears well up in your eyes, blurring the arena around you. Nikki has a tear sliding down her face that she wipes away. You both exchange a look that says no words are needed for this moment, you understand each other perfectly, and you¡¯ll both talk about it later when you need to relive it. As you and Nikki join the somber procession out of the arena, a security guard cuts you off. ¡°Are you Jasmine Law?¡± he asks, his jaw set. Fear sinks its claws into you as you stare up at him. ¡°Yes,¡± you say, your torn and twisted heart quickening. ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡± ¡°I need you to come with me,¡± he says, crossing his arms. Wide-eyed and throat cemented, you look at Nikki and form a question without words. ¡°She can come, too,¡± the security guard says, nodding Nikki¡¯s direction. He turns to walk away, and you both follow him wordlessly. Your nerves fray and unravel, unable to handle any intensity after the concert. Mazing through the building, you follow the stocky security guard as his presence creates a path through fans. You catch stares from the crowd asking the same question you have. He leads you through a series of doors and hallways farther away from the fans into the center of the arena until you reach a long corridor with doors lining each side. Your ears are still ringing from the concert, but you can make out several hushed conversations blending together and traveling into the hallway. He stops by a room with the number 7 above it, motioning for you to go in. ¡°Wait here.¡± You and Nikki do as instructed, your stomach whirring with so many butterflies that you feel sick. There¡¯s a long mirror stretching to cover the width of one of the walls with a countertop matching it below and chairs lining it. The mirror is edged and illuminated by large bulbs. There¡¯s no evidence of makeup or styling products, but it¡¯s a room spacious enough to allow a group of people to be transformed by skilled staff. Rotating a silver ring on your finger, you swallow hard, but it does nothing to relieve the dryness of your mouth. A woman with cold eyes and a perfectly cut bob enters the room wearing a black shirt that says MEDICAL STAFF in white letters. ¡°Hello,¡± Eunji says. She continues, ¡°I arranged for you to be here to schedule an interview. Tomorrow at eleven AM would be best.¡± The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°An¡­interview?¡± You run a hand through your hair, gathering your thoughts. ¡°To be the newest hire on the medical staff for BTS. We¡¯re making a few necessary changes to ensure what happened at the airport doesn¡¯t repeat itself. After that and Jungkook¡¯s collapse on the Wings tour, we¡¯re looking for higher quality medical assistance.¡± The room spins, and your hand finds the back of one of the chairs to support the growing weakness in your legs. ¡°Me?¡± ¡°Meet me outside the entrance tomorrow at eleven.¡± ¡°She¡¯ll be there,¡± Nikki says. You pick up the shattered pieces of your reality, trying to put them back together, make sense of them. ¡°There¡¯s another reason you were brought here,¡± Eunji says, glancing over her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ll see if they¡¯re ready.¡± As she leaves, you lower into the chair and concentrate on willing the blood to return to your face. ¡°Shit, Jasmine, you have to go,¡± Nikki says ¡°But what about you?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine,¡± she says, waving a hand. ¡°I can handle driving back.¡± ¡°How will I get back home? What about work?¡± ¡°Jasmine,¡± Nikki says, grabbing your shoulders and looking you in the eyes. ¡°Who gives a fuck. You just got an interview to be on their medical staff. You have to take this opportunity.¡± Her words seep into you, taking shape and meaning as the room comes back into focus. Carefully standing, you say, ¡°Okay, so¡­ If I do this, you¡¯ll drive back on your own and I¡¯ll figure something out.¡± ¡°Exactly. And¨C¡± The seven members of BTS step into the room wearing their encore outfits ¨C white Love Yourself tour shirts with jeans. You and Nikki are left speechless as you stare back at them. ¡°Hi,¡± Namjoon says, flashing a smile. ¡°We wanted to personally thank you for what you did at the airport.¡± ¡°Without you, we wouldn¡¯t have been able to perform as seven for ARMY,¡± Hobi says, a glimmer of gratitude in his eyes. ¡°Did you like the flowers?¡± Jimin asks. The crushing realization that they¡¯re waiting for a response weighs heavily on you. ¡°Yes, I did. Thank you,¡± you manage to say, heat building in your face. Jungkook stands behind his members, seeming shy and staring at you curiously, wearing a Cooky headband that¡¯s a twin to yours. You can see the faint purple-blue outline of the bruise under the makeup more easily this close; it still has some time before it heals completely. ¡°That concert was fucking rad,¡± Nikki says, beaming. ¡°You know, I was the one who introduced her to BTS.¡± You laugh at her boldness which seems to ease the tension of first introductions. They¡¯re just human beings. Human beings who are incredibly talented and famous. You suppress the awe to welcome in the mundane. Yoongi pushes Jungkook forward in front of the members. ¡°He has something he wants to say.¡± Jungkook regains his composure and looks at you. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± Your stomach tightens as the air thickens around you, the room disappearing. A small smile plays at the corners of his mouth, sending an electric current coursing through you at the sight of it. ¡°I like your outfit,¡± he says. As fire ignites on your cheeks, a part of you wishes the ground would open up and swallow you whole. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± ¡°Jasmine Law.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you, Jasmine.¡± The words hang in the air between you. ¡°Anyway,¡± Namjoon cut in. ¡°We heard we may be seeing more of you,¡± he says, that mischievousness you witnessed at sound check returning. ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°So instead of goodbye, I¡¯ll say, ¡®See you soon.¡¯¡± ? ? ? ¡°You have to tell me everything,¡± Nikki says in the hotel room as she packs for the drive home tomorrow. ¡°And I. Mean. Everything.¡± Sitting on your twin bed, her words swirl in your head. ¡°I will.¡± You look down, picking at your nails. ¡°I¡¯m worried,¡± you say softly. ¡°About what?¡± ¡°That maybe they have the wrong idea. Maybe I¡¯ll disappoint them somehow.¡± Nikki stops packing and sits on the bed next to you, crossing her legs. ¡°You¡¯ve already proven how skilled you are or else they wouldn¡¯t be interviewing you. It seems like a formality, anyway. Besides, three years in the Medical ICU taking care of the sickest patients makes you slightly overqualified.¡± ¡°Yeah¡­you¡¯re right,¡± you say, the dull ache in your chest easing. ¡°But don¡¯t think I¡¯m saying this all for your sake. If you take this job, I have an in to see BTS again,¡± she says with a cheshire grin. You let a smile touch your face. ¡°I think you¡¯re right. We¡¯ve definitely peaked.¡± ¡°Straight to the top.¡± ? ? ? You hear Nikki¡¯s slow, deep breathing on the other side of the room as you lie awake in bed, watching occasional headlights from the street throw shadows across the walls. Sifting through memories of the last three years, you compile and categorize your best moments for safekeeping. The thought of facing Eunji¡¯s questioning again sends a shiver rolling down your spine, and you turn on your side, hugging the blankets tighter around you. In the stillness, you close your eyes and return to the dressing room, standing in front of Jungkook. You remember his coy smile, familiarizing yourself with the depths in his eyes. The darkness surrounding you coaxes the truth out you¡¯ve been running from. You want this. ? ? ? In the morning, the door to the hotel room closes, and Nikki is gone. The room feels her absence in the spaciousness and discomfort that wasn¡¯t there a few moments ago. You tried to assemble a semi-professional outfit from the clothes you packed¡ªoversized jeans, a white crop top, a gray oversized zip-up jacket, and white New Balance shoes. The luggage you packed in case Eunji sends you home sits by the door, and an invisible hand tightens around your throat. Now that you¡¯re alone, you hope you¡¯re able to keep a handle on an anxiety-fueled freak out as your stomach churns. Looking over at the flowers BTS sent, you inhale their scent in an effort to pleasantly override your senses. Opening the card and looking at the signatures, you realize this is a rare chance to create a new life. A life you actually want to live, and it may be the only chance you get. You replace the card in the center of the flowers with more resolve, and steel yourself to meet Eunji. ? ? ? Getting out of the Uber, you find Eunji in front of the arena at eleven AM dressed in her usual medical staff uniform. Fans are milling around the building, the line for GA already slinking around the block. You walk with carefully crafted confidence, feeling the sidewalk firmly beneath you with each step. A breeze rolls through the balmy, late summer Texan air, and you gulp down your heartbeat. You give a genuine smile to Eunji as a greeting. ¡°Good morning,¡± she says, returning your smile with a slight one of her own. ¡°Please follow me.¡± Wings Walking in stride with Eunji in silence, you weave your way once again into the center of the arena to the same long corridor. You carry yourself tall and concentrate on your breath remaining even, becoming someone else. Maybe this is the best version of you. Maybe it¡¯s who you wish you were. You hear muffled music and conversations grow louder as Eunji leads you down the hall. You pass the room marked 7 to find it dark and empty, appearing to not hold any transformative power that catalyzed the events of the day before. The talking becomes clearer as you and Eunji progress down the outstretched hall, and you recognize the voices of BTS. A jolt of panic rises in your chest, your grip slipping on your idealized self causing you to cling to it more tightly. As you pass the room labeled 4, you can¡¯t help throwing a furtive glance. The seven members are in various stages of hair and makeup lounging comfortably in a dressing room strewn with styling products, bags, and makeup supplies. Another set of eyes catch yours. Yoongi¡¯s. You snap your eyes forward, instant regret punching you in the gut. Walking out of earshot, you hear Yoongi¡¯s voice saying, ¡°Jungkook¨C¡± Heart thundering, you shove the moment out of your mind by negotiating that you can overanalyze it later. Reaching the end of the corridor, Eunji opens the door and motions for you to go inside. There¡¯s a long wooden table with office chairs lining the sides. The security guard that escorted you yesterday sits in one of the chairs looking unamused. Sitting next to him is a man you don¡¯t recognize whose eyes sparkle with warmth. A black leather folder rests on the table in front of him. You focus on who you are, who you need to be, for this. The two men stand at your arrival. ¡°This is Shin Beom-Seuk, head of security,¡± Eunji says, nodding at the security guard. ¡°I believe you two met yesterday.¡± ¡°Yes, it¡¯s nice to formally meet you,¡± you say, smiling and bowing. He remains serious, giving a slight bow. ¡°And this is Chun Chin-Hwa, the tour manager,¡± Eunji says, indicating the smartly dressed man you don¡¯t recognize. You bow, and he bows in return. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t thank you enough for how you intervened at the airport,¡± Chin-Hwa says, offering a welcoming smile that puts you a little more at ease. Eunji makes her way around the table to sit beside him. ¡°You saved me from a very long, sleepless night of rearranging the schedule and accommodations at the last minute. Please, sit.¡± He directs you to the chair across from them as he settles into his own. Your stomach twists as you sit across from the panel of three, bracing yourself for whatever comes next. Looking across the table, you see Eunji¡¯s icy eyes. The search for any trace of hope or reassurance in them is futile. Beom-Seuk has been silently gathering information about you from the moment you arrived. Chin-Hwa adjusts his sport jacket, sending a smile. ¡°Let¡¯s get started,¡± Chin-Hwa says. ¡°Tell us about yourself.¡± Your awareness sharpens to the razor¡¯s edge of the present moment, the words you rehearsed last night tasting sweet on your lips. ¡°I¡¯ve worked in the Medical ICU for three years back home in Tennessee. I¡¯m 25.¡± You meet each of their eyes as you speak. ¡°I have experience with caring for patients with respiratory failure, neurological and cardiac diseases, and infections. Mostly sepsis. I¡¯ve been in many emergency situations and countless codes. I¡¯m certified in critical care nursing and advanced cardiac life support.¡± The self-inflation grates against you, probing you to make a caveat that nursing was never some etheric soul purpose you¡¯re fulfilling. It¡¯s broken you into pieces, and when you put those pieces back together, you pretended to be healed and whole. Eunji sits motionless. Beom-Seuk¡¯s unrelenting examination bores a hole into you, but he seems more satisfied as he leans back in his chair. ¡°Good,¡± Chin-Hwa says, straightening. ¡°This can be a stressful and high pressure environment to work in. You¡¯ll be traveling frequently and sent wherever we need you to help keep BTS safe and healthy. There may be times when you are the only medical staff member present. Is that something you can handle?¡± A challenge flashes in his eyes, the first hint of an edge to his cordial charm. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve started an IV on a patient who was a hard stick to transfuse blood products in the middle of a code while their family watched, asking if their loved one was going to be okay. More than once.¡± You¡¯re taken aback by how smoothly the words flow out, by hearing your voice speak them. ¡°So, yes.¡± A smile forms on Eunji¡¯s mouth that she quickly corrects. Chin-Hwa seems appeased by your response and says, ¡°You¡¯ve cleared our background check.¡± You freeze, feeling slightly violated. They must¡¯ve used the information I gave Eunji. He continues, ¡°And Eunji has already given us her recommendation.¡± You stare at Eunji in shock until you regain control of your face. Her stoic exterior doesn¡¯t falter this time. ¡°You¡¯ll be contracted for the rest of the Love Yourself tour and renewed based on our needs,¡± Chin-Hwa says. ¡°We will expect you to perform physical assessments, monitor vitals, and give first aid if someone is injured.¡± His voice sounds distant as the words drift through you. You¡¯re too afraid to hope. You know better than that. ¡°So,¡± Chin-Hwa says, ¡°do you have any questions?¡± ¡°There are others on the medical staff?¡± Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°Yes. There are two others, Kim Arahae and Jee Doyun.¡± The memory of Jungkook at the airport replays in your mind, bringing you back to the disorder. You see the different people slipping around you, the EMTs, security, and¡­two others in MEDICAL STAFF shirts. ¡°We want to offer you the position,¡± Chin-Hwa says, running a hand over the folder in front of him. An emotion grows within you so foreign that you¡¯d nearly forgotten it completely, that you almost didn¡¯t recognize it. It tickles your solar plexus and travels upward into your chest where it expands lightly and gently, enveloping your half-torn heart. ¡°Thank you,¡± you say as you force yourself to remain even-keeled, allowing only a polite smile. ¡°I would love to be part of your staff.¡± Looking pleased, Chin-Hwa opens the folder. ¡°It would be best if you start as soon as possible. I understand you have another job, so giving a two weeks notice will be fine. We can fly you back to Tennessee, and you¡¯ll join the tour in New York on October sixth. How does that sound?¡± ¡°It sounds¡­good.¡± Chin-Hwa chuckles then becomes serious again. ¡°There is one more thing.¡± He opens the folder and pulls out a stack of papers and a pen, sliding them over to you. ¡°Along with signing your contract, you will need to sign an NDA. You¡¯ll be working closely with BTS and aware of their schedules and promotions before the general public. We expect our staff to remain discreet.¡± His eyes find yours, and your mouth dries. ¡°Of course.¡± The pages of the legal document feel thick between your fingers. NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT PARTIES This Non-Disclosure Agreement (hereinafter referred to as the ¡°Agreement¡±) is entered into on September 16th, 2018 (the ¡°Effective Date¡±) by and between Big Hit Entertainment (hereinafter known as the ¡°Disclosing Party¡±) and Jasmine Law (hereinafter known as the ¡°Receiving Party¡±) (collectively referred to as the ¡°Parties¡±). CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION The Receiving Party agrees not to disclose, copy, clone, or modify any confidential information related to the Disclosing Party and agrees to not use any such information without obtaining consent. ¡°Confidential Information¡± refers to any data and/or information that is related to the Disclosing Party, in any form, including, but not limited to, oral or written. Such confidential information includes, but is not limited to any information related to the business or industry of the Disclosing Party, such as discoveries, processes, techniques, programs, knowledge bases, schedules, marketing plans, promotions, or any other services related to the Disclosing Party. RETURN OF CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION The Receiving Party agrees to return all the confidential information to the Disclosing Party upon the termination of the Agreement. SIGNATURE AND DATE The Parties hereby agree to the terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement and such is documented by their signatures below. You hold the weighted, expensive pen as the ink glides and swirls across the page to create your signature. You read over the employment contract, and, when you¡¯re satisfied with the fine print, you sign it. Setting the pen on the document, you hand the contracts back to Chin-Hwa, hoping no one notices your hands trembling. The panel of three stands, and Chin-Hwa says with a smile, ¡°Welcome to the team.¡± Eunji¡¯s eyes gleam. You wonder if Beom-Seuk found you wanting during his data collection. ¡°Thank you,¡± you say, smiling fully. The two men leave, and Eunji stays. ¡°I have a few things to do before the show tonight. Can you find your way out?¡± ¡°Yeah, I remember the way.¡± ¡°They should send your plane ticket to your phone,¡± Eunji says, turning to leave. She stops at the doorway, looking over her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯ll see you in New York.¡± The door closes, and you¡¯re in the conference room alone. You refuse to acknowledge your emotions because once you start, you¡¯re not sure if you¡¯ll be able to stop the outpouring. Get back to the hotel. Your body obeys as you start walking, opening the door to leave. Back in the hallway, you have to walk by BTS¡¯ dressing room. Again. You suck in a breath and fix your eyes on a point in the distance, determined to not let your eyes wander. You pass room 4, feeling eyes on you. ¡°Hey!¡± Turning to see the source of the voice behind you, you see Jimin sticking his head out of the doorway. ¡°How did it go?¡± ¡°Um¡­it went great, actually,¡± you say, making your way over to him. ¡°They hired me.¡± A smile spreads across your face. Standing in the doorway to the dressing room with Jimin, you see the other members. You understand why you felt eyes on you earlier, because Jungkook¡¯s were on you now. ¡°Congratulations!¡± Jimin says, beaming. ¡°After what happened at the airport, I¡¯d trust you,¡± Yoongi says from where he¡¯s reclining on a couch. Jungkook is staring at you so intently that you start to wonder if you have something on your face. ¡°I¨C Um, thank you.¡± You meet Jungkook¡¯s stare, and he looks away. ¡°When are you officially joining the tour?¡± Jin asks as a stylist shapes his hair. ¡°The New York show on October sixth,¡± you say, the words fresh and new. ¡°Good. I¡¯m sure we can survive a few airports until then,¡± Namjoon says, making you laugh. ¡°I hope so. You guys really need more security,¡± you say. ¡°Tell that to Big Hit,¡± Taehyung says. ¡°I¡¯m sure you have a flight to catch,¡± Hoseok says. ¡°Have a safe flight! See you soon,¡± Jimin says. You thank him and say goodbye. ? ? ? You hold your hand up to block the sun as you leave the arena. A few fans give you perplexed looks as you walk through restricted areas to get into your Uber. You feel numb on the drive back to the hotel, preferring the emptiness. You stare, mind blank, at your metallic reflection in the elevator door. Walking into your hotel room and hearing the door close, you¡¯re alone. You burst into tears, kneeling to the floor. The sobs wrack you as a dream you never knew you had is fulfilled, tears staining your face and shirt. Your shoulders shake as you cry with your broken shards of self, feeling that they can be mended. The cascade of emotion settles enough that you can rise from the floor, and you pour a glass of cold water. After taking a drink, you kick your shoes off and cocoon in bed. A few tears escape and soak into the pillow. You try envisioning your future but can¡¯t picture much of anything. The future is always uncertain, but, for once, that uncertainty is full of possibility and potential. Excitement and hope swell, filling your body and soothing your hurts. Your phone buzzes, and you see a text from Chin-Hwa containing your ticket home. Delta Air Lines Dallas to Memphis Gate: A22 Departure: 6:15pm 16 September 2018 Boarding Zone: D3 Seat: B13 Business Class You get out of bed and start packing. No Standing in line to board the flight, you check your ticket. A part of you believed someone was pulling a very elaborate joke until you signed the contracts, until Jimin stopped you in the hallway to ask how your interview went, butterflies fluttering at the memory. The line begins moving. Entering the plane, the flight attendants greet you with wide, toothy smiles as you make your way to your seat in the business class section. The seats are arranged in pairs, finding yours next to the window. The screen on the back of the chair in front of you is larger than the small square in coach, and the seats are made with extra padding and more room at your feet. There are tall panels around the two chairs, providing some privacy. You feel out of place, but try your best to act like you belong. Stretching out, you open the window to let the late afternoon light in and feel your phone vibrate. Nikki how did the interview go? Jasmine really well¡­ they offered me the job!!! Nikki AHHHH I KNEW IT see you didn¡¯t have anything to worry about! now what? Jasmine I¡¯m flying back to Memphis to pack and give my 2 weeks notice at the hospital but Nikki I signed an NDA Nikki oh shit Jasmine I know so you CAN¡¯T TELL ANYONE and I mean ANYONE not even your mom I think I could get sued or something if Big Hit finds out I¡¯m telling you anything definitely fired Nikki I SWEAR I won¡¯t tell anyone you have my word Jasmine I know you won¡¯t they¡¯re flying me out to the New York show on 10/6!! Nikki WHAT Jasmine I guess this is my life now?? oh hey I gotta go my flight¡¯s leaving Nikki okay def talk soon! You switch your phone to airplane mode as the flight taxis to the runway, wrapping the airline-provided blanket around you. Exhausted, you drift off to sleep. ? ? ? You open the door to the apartment with your suitcase in tow, rolling it into your bedroom. Sitting on the bed, the one bedroom apartment feels smaller than it did before, the walls feeling more like a cage. The two weeks notice royally pissed your manager off, but there wasn¡¯t much to say in the email you sent when you landed. Even for a multi-million dollar corporation that could afford to pay you to stay, they won¡¯t. You always knew you were expendable. You¡¯re leaving one corporation for another but getting actual benefits working for Big Hit. The pay is¡­generous. It¡¯s almost double what you make working in the ICU and more than enough to be comfortable on the road. As you get up to unpack your clothes, anxiety whirls with giddiness in your stomach. You remember Chin-Hwa mentioned physical assessments as part of your job description, and a deep blush spreads across your cheeks. If I¡¯m going to work with BTS, I have to get over them. Fast. You pour your clothes into the washing machine, start it, and make your way over to sit on the couch. Taking out your phone, you look at a picture of BTS. Sparks of star-struck excitement flare, and you press down against them, snuffing out the visceral reaction until only embers of the feeling remain. Pleased with yourself, you feel a glimmer of hope that you won¡¯t completely make a fool of yourself working with them. You decide to test yourself with a picture of Jungkook. Heat tears through your whole body, your heart pounding against your ribs. You try shoving the feeling down as the same eyes that lingered on you earlier that day stare back at you, his soft, styled hair framing his face. A fiery coil unfurls in your chest, snaking to your abdomen and stopping between your legs. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Throwing your phone at the couch, the foreboding returns like a weighted blanket draped around you. I¡¯m so fucked. ? ? ? You open the door to see your mom dressed in her usual trendy attire. You both embrace, exchanging pleasantries. Pine and sage scents fill the air from the candle you lit before her arrival, and a bottle of wine sits unopened on your kitchen counter with a pair of matching glasses. ¡°How¡¯ve you been? I know last time we talked, you didn¡¯t seem too happy,¡± your mom says, taking a seat at your modest dining table. You twist the end of the wine opener into the cork. ¡°Things have gotten a lot better,¡± you say, a smile pulling at your lips. The cork makes a pop leaving the bottle. ¡°That¡¯s the reason I invited you over, actually.¡± You fill the two glasses with the red, spicy wine and bring them to the dining table, handing one to your mom. ¡°I got a new job.¡± Your smile grows. ¡°I can¡¯t say too much about it, though. I signed an NDA.¡± Her brow furrows. ¡°What nursing job requires you to sign an NDA?¡± she asks, sipping her wine. ¡°All I can say is that I¡¯m on the medical staff for a musician and joining their tour the first week of October,¡± you say, beaming. ¡°Honestly, I probably shouldn¡¯t even tell you that much.¡± The more you speak it, the more real it becomes. Your mom¡¯s expression hardens, and your smile slips. ¡°I should know who¡¯s whisking my child away to God knows where.¡± Guilt sears your chest, and you take a drink from your glass to buy yourself some time. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but if I tell you anything else, I can get fired, sued, or I don¡¯t even know. Please trust me when I say that I¡¯m really happy for the first time in a very long time. I promise I¡¯ll be safe and keep you updated. This is the chance of a lifetime.¡± You hold her gaze, hoping she senses the sincerity. She waves a hand. ¡°I don¡¯t understand why you¡¯re doing this. You should be focused on getting married and planning for kids.¡± You choke on your wine, anger brewing in your stomach. ¡°I¡¯m 25.¡± She sits back in her chair, holding her glass. ¡°Your twenties are the best time to fall in love and start a family. If you wait too long, it¡¯s hard on your body.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want kids. I¡¯ve already told you that.¡± ¡°How can you say that? You¡¯re 25. You¡¯ll change your mind. Besides, your family is here. You¡¯re really going to leave? Family is there for you when no one else is. I¡¯m sure it can get lonely on the road. And think of all the skills you¡¯ll lose working out of the hospital. It¡¯ll be hard to go back.¡± Anxiety squeezes your chest and throat, making you air hungry. ¡°I think I know myself enough to know what I want. And you don¡¯t seem to have my back right now.¡± ¡°Of course I do. I know you better than anyone! I¡¯m your mother.¡± The grip on your glass tightens as you resist the urge to throw it in her face. ¡°I have a chance to be happy. What about that do you not understand?¡± you ask, a knot forming in your throat that you swallow down. ¡°You need to tell dad,¡± your mom says after taking a sip. ¡°He deserves to know what his daughter is doing.¡± You scoff. ¡°So he has a right to know where I am, but he can dip in and out whenever he wants?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not arguing with you. Call him.¡± Feeling like you have a gun to your head, you pick up the phone and call him. ¡°Hey, Jasmine!¡± your dad answers on speaker. You¡¯re unsure what time zone he¡¯s in, but you hear voices and music in the background. ¡°Hey. I need to talk to you about something. Mom¡¯s here.¡± A thin layer of sweat forms on your skin as your heart pounds in your ears, reminding you of so many other moments like this one. ¡°Okay,¡± he says. You explain you¡¯re touring with a musician and signed an NDA, reassuring him that you¡¯ll be safe. ¡°Absolutely not.¡± You taste bile as your hands shake, an all-too-familiar rage boiling beneath your skin. ¡°Look,¡± you say to both of them, ¡°I¡¯ve already signed the contract and turned in my notice at work. I have one week left. I¡¯m going.¡± ¡°Tell me who hired you. Now. I have a lawyer who can look into this contract,¡± your dad says. ¡°You need to tell us, Jasmine,¡± your mom says, leaning forward and touching your forearm. You yank it away. Panic rises to grip your heart as tears burn your eyes, feeling like a cornered animal. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Tell¨C¡± You end the call. Your mom¡¯s eyes widen across the table from you, her glass empty. ¡°You need to leave,¡± you say, hot tears falling. She stands. ¡°You¡¯ll regret this when you¡¯re on the road alone.¡± As soon as the door closes, you lock it, but it doesn¡¯t seem enough to keep you safe. Barbarous rage rips and burns your flesh. Sobbing with weak legs, you find your bed and curl into it, wrapping the blankets around you. You desperately search for a hint of yourself within, a crushing heaviness finding its place in your chest. Burying your sobs into the pillow, you let them heave until they slow enough for you to catch your breath. Wiping your wet face, emptiness fills you. In spite of yourself, you hear their voices repeat their arguments, and you wonder if you¡¯ve made a huge mistake. The numbness and wine-induced warmth coalesce and lull you to sleep. ? ? ? Vision fuzzy, you hear a voice screaming over and over as terror hot as hellfire blazes through you. You don¡¯t know where you are or how you got there as you struggle to recognize anything. Someone¡¯s here. They broke in. They¡¯re going to kill me. I¡¯m not safe I¡¯m not safe I¡¯m not safe I¡¯m not safe I¡¯m¨C Heart leaping from your chest, you blink, and you¡¯re sitting straight up in your bed. The screaming stops. Your throat feels dry and strained. Another night terror. Shaken, you glance around the apartment to make certain you¡¯re alone and lie back in bed. A feral part of you urges you to lay eyes on every square inch, so you get up and look in the other rooms and closets. The impulse quiets. Checking your phone for the time, you see a Weverse notification of Jungkook live streaming. You open the notification and pour yourself more wine. Being tipsy is better than horrible emptiness. When you join the live, he¡¯s in a hotel room laughing at something you didn¡¯t catch, causing a gentle warmth to swirl in your stomach. Parting his hair, he displays the bruise to the camera. It¡¯s lightened to a lavender splotch easily concealed by his hair. ¡°It¡¯s much better now,¡± he says, inspecting the area. ¡°It could¡¯ve been a lot worse. I¡¯m so grateful to the people who were there that day.¡± You freeze with the glass halfway to your lips as he looks down thoughtfully, a corner of his mouth pulled upward. Electricity courses through you, shocking you out of apathy. He looks into the camera and smiles, arranging his hair back into place. ¡°So, as you can see, there¡¯s no reason to worry.¡± Face heating, the emptiness you previously felt washes away replaced by a deep, calm knowing. Of course this isn¡¯t a mistake. ? ? ? You push the doors to the hospital open, the morning sun singeing your dark-adapted eyes. The sunrise after your last shift in the ICU paints the sky with pink and orange gradients on wispy clouds. Heavy lidded, you open the card your confused but kind coworkers gave you. GOOD-@#%&*-BYE You smile, hoping you don¡¯t easily forget their good sense of humor, and stow the card in your work bag. ? ? ? Collecting your luggage at the LaGuardia Airport baggage claim, you see through streams of people a woman wearing a black suit with a matching flat cap holding a sign with your name on it just as Chin-Hwa said there would be in his texts. You take a deep breath and approach her. ¡°Jasmine Law?¡± she asks. ¡°That¡¯s me.¡± ¡°Can I see some identification?¡± You oblige, showing her your driver¡¯s license. ¡°Thank you,¡± she says, smiling. ¡°Welcome to New York. Right this way.¡± She leads you through a labyrinth of signs and people until she stops outside the airport in a loading zone by a black SUV with heavily tinted windows. Your heart skips a beat as she loads your luggage into the trunk and opens the door for you. Thanking her, you enter the car. It¡¯s immaculately clean and smells of expensive leather which makes you hesitant to touch anything. As the car weaves the streets from the airport to Citi Field in Queens, you soak in the sights of a place you¡¯ve never been, a quiet awe spreading over you. You see the imposing building of Citi Field, its tall, slender arches encasing the stadium. You feel as if you¡¯ll wake up from this dream in your apartment living the same life you always have, created by adhering to someone else¡¯s rules. But you¡¯re here. This is real. A tear slides down your cheek that you wipe away. Pulling up to a nondescript entrance in the back of the stadium, the driver opens the door to let you out and unloads your luggage. ¡°Thank you so much,¡± you say, handing her a tip. She smiles and thanks you before getting in the car and driving away. ¡°You¡¯ll have to change into uniform,¡± Eunji says, handing you a black shirt that says MEDICAL STAFF in white letters. ¡°Welcome back.¡± Resonance Inside the stadium, a staff member loads your suitcase and backpack into a golf cart as Eunji takes the passenger seat. Footsteps and conversations bounce off of the reflective concrete floors and vaulted ceilings with exposed pipes. You sit in the back of the golf cart, and it lurches forward. You pass by walls lined with amps and other production equipment, watching who you suspect to be members of the production crew and band rushing around with their own tasks. There are gaps in the walls with ramps to the stadium floor, and you catch glimpses of the cavernous performance area with the stage already assembled. The cart stops at metal double doors, and Eunji gets out. You follow suit, grabbing your luggage from the golf cart and slipping your backpack on. She holds one of the doors open for you as you pull your suitcase through into another corridor with rooms on each side. ¡°You can store your suitcase here,¡± Eunji says, signaling to Beom-Seuk. He opens one of the doors with a key, revealing a small storage space. You roll your luggage in, and Beom-Seuk locks it again. ¡°Thanks,¡± you say to both of them. ¡°Just remind me after the show so I don¡¯t forget to unlock it for you,¡± Beom-Seuk says. ¡°Glad you¡¯re here, kid.¡± Without waiting for a response, he walks out of the dressing room corridor. ¡°This is the medical staff¡¯s room,¡± Eunji says, opening the door labeled 3. The layout is of a standard dressing room with other bags and personal items stored there. ¡°You can leave your belongings here and change into your uniform. Meet me back in the center of the stadium.¡± Alone in the dressing room away from the commotion, you get a chance to hear your own thoughts. With shaky hands, you set your backpack in a corner and tear off your shirt. You pull on the MEDICAL STAFF one Eunji gave you. Looking in the mirror, you twist so you can see the white text across the back of the shirt. Tears spring to your eyes, and you fight them. If I start crying, everyone will notice, and they¡¯ll think I¡¯m some obsessed fangirl they found off the street. Which I am. But I have to pretend that I¡¯m not until it becomes true. If it ever will. You take a few deep breaths until your emotions settle. Leaving the corridor, you hear a squeal echo through the stadium. A young woman crashes into you, wrapping you in a hug. ¡°You must be Jasmine!¡± She steps back. ¡°I thought it was so cool how brave you were at the airport. I¡¯m Kim Arahae.¡± Her long, softly curled hair is dyed a warm reddish-brown that brings out the pink in her skin. Her makeup is simple but impactful, playing with soft pinks and browns. ¡°It¡¯s nothing, really,¡± you say, becoming shy. ¡°But thanks. You¡¯re part of the medical staff, too, right?¡± ¡°Yep!¡± She smiles brightly. ¡°I¡¯m so glad they finally hired someone to keep Jungkook in line.¡± Your heart quickens, body tense. She cocks her head to the side. ¡°You didn¡¯t know?¡± She laughs. ¡°Oops. Well, whatever! You¡¯d find out eventually.¡± ¡°Find out what?¡± ¡°They¡¯re assigning you to Jungkook!¡± Feeling lightheaded, you think back to the interview and fine print in your contract. ¡°No, that can¡¯t be right... No one said anything about that in my interview.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s true! They¡¯ve been looking for the right person for a while now.¡± The right person? ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll introduce you to Doyun,¡± Arahae says, walking off. You have to jog to catch up with her and see Eunji standing along the stadium wall by open double doors leading to scaffolding underneath the stage. A young man is with her. ¡°I see you¡¯ve met Arahae already,¡± Eunji says. Arahae smiles in response. Eunji motions to the young man next to her. ¡°This is Jee Doyun.¡± He¡¯s tall and slender with black hair that¡¯s carefully disheveled. He tosses his hair as his eyes drift over you. ¡°Hi, I¡¯m Jasmine Law,¡± you say, forcing a smile. ¡°It¡¯s nice to meet you.¡± He stares back at you. ¡°Jeez, where are your manners, Doyun!¡± Arahae says. ¡°Nice to meet you,¡± Doyun says. ¡°You¡¯ll be training with Arahae today. Please let me know if you have any questions,¡± Eunji says. Oh, I have questions. So many questions. You¡¯re burning to ask if she plans to assign you to Jungkook, but don¡¯t want to look like a stalker (especially if it isn¡¯t true). ¡°I¡¯ll give you a tour!¡± Arahae says. You pace quickens to match hers as she returns to the dressing room corridor. ¡°And don¡¯t mind Doyun. Alright,¡± she says, clasping her hands together, ¡°so a lot of stadiums and concert venues have similar layouts. The medical staff always takes dressing room three and BTS takes room four. That way, we¡¯re always close. Sometimes we travel with BTS and sometimes we travel separately. That¡¯s all up to Chin-Hwa, and we stay in the same hotel as BTS. Any questions so far?¡± ¡°So¡­we always have to be with them?¡± ¡°It depends. We¡¯re usually there for dance practices, performances, and filming. When they have busy schedules, we¡¯re with them a lot.¡± You must be making a face because she laughs as she pushes open one of the metal doors to leave the dressing room corridor. You follow. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You¡¯ll get used to it! I felt overwhelmed at first, too.¡± She leads you to the scaffolding under the stage. Silver beams zigzag everywhere around you, but there¡¯s a clear path to the center. ¡°This is where BTS starts their show.¡± You remember BTS materializing in thick smoke at the Fort Worth concert. ¡°The platform above us lowers so they can get on and be lifted up to center stage on cue. We¡¯ll be here with them.¡± You nod, your mind sluggish taking in all the new information. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°What else to tell you¡­¡± Arahae says. ¡°Oh! I¡¯ll show you how to do our focused health assessment on the members.¡± Your mouth dries. You knew you¡¯d have to do this eventually, but everything¡¯s happening all at once. ¡°Right now?¡± ¡°Yeah! They won¡¯t mind,¡± she says. ¡°Do we do this every show?¡± you ask, keeping a casual tone. ¡°Nope, just when we need to,¡± she says, relief flooding you. ¡°Like during emergencies.¡± When you¡¯re back in the long hallway, Arahae turns to you. ¡°Did you bring your stethoscope?¡± she asks. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s in my carry on bag.¡± ¡°Okay, perfect! You¡¯ll need it,¡± she says. You follow Arahae into room 3. Rummaging through your backpack, you fish the pastel purple stethoscope out of a front pocket. Arahae grabs her rose gold one from a table nearby. You sling the stethoscope around your neck, the weight of it feeling new. Usually, the heaviness of the cool metal and rubber feels like an albatross. Now, it seems lighter and unfamiliar. Your heart pounds as you follow Arahae across the hall into room 4, pressing down against your emotions and hoping it¡¯s more effective than last time. You find the seven members lounging in casual attire. Jimin sees you first. ¡°Jasmine!¡± The other members turn to face you, and you notice Jungkook¡¯s surprise before he¡¯s able to hide it. Smiling back at Jimin, you greet him. His warmth puts you a little more at ease. ¡°You made it,¡± Yoongi says, feigning mild disinterest. ¡°It¡¯s Jasmine¡¯s first day,¡± Arahae announces, ¡°so everyone be nice!¡± ¡°Who said we wouldn¡¯t be nice?¡± Taehyung asks, a corner of his mouth pulled upward. Arahae points a finger at him. ¡°Especially you, Tae.¡± He gives a mischievous grin. Jungkook stays silent, watching you. ¡°How was your flight?¡± Jin asks. ¡°It was good. I¡¯ve never seen so many skyscrapers before,¡± you say. ¡°Is this your first time in New York?¡± Namjoon asks. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Oh, we¡¯ll have to take you out after the show,¡± Jimin says, ¡°to celebrate!¡± ¡°That¡¯s a great idea!¡± Arahae says, beaming. ¡°This is why I love meeting people. You get to experience all the fun things you love with someone new.¡± ¡°Oh...well¡­okay,¡± you say. Yoongi clicks his tongue. ¡°I don¡¯t think you have much choice. Not when these two are involved,¡± he says, indicating Arahae and Jimin. You laugh. ¡°Then I guess I¡¯m going.¡± ¡°We can make plans later,¡± Arahae says. ¡°Since it¡¯s her first day, I have to run through the focused physical assessment. Jimin, I¡¯ll borrow you,¡± she says, beckoning him. ¡°Jungkook,¡± Arahae says, making eye contact with him. ¡°I need you, too. It¡¯ll only take a few minutes.¡± Jimin and Jungkook get up, and Arahae leads the three of you into an empty dressing room marked 6. She has Jungkook and Jimin stand side by side. With Arahae standing in front of Jimin, your only option is facing Jungkook. He stares back at you with the same mysterious glow in his dark eyes, and heat spreads across your cheeks. ¡°Okay, so,¡± Arahae says, removing her stethoscope from around her neck. ¡°I¡¯m sure you already know how to do all of this, but, technically, I have to show you. Eunji¡¯s orders! And I do not want to piss her off.¡± The thought of making Eunji angry scares you a little, so you don¡¯t protest. ¡°First, you want to listen to heart and lung sounds,¡± she says, taking the diaphragm of the stethoscope and placing it on Jimin¡¯s chest. With sweaty palms, you push the ear pieces in and place the diaphragm on Jungkook¡¯s right chest, directly over his aortic valve. The lub-dub is faint on this side but strong and healthy. You try to avoid touching him as you glide the diaphragm to his left chest to listen to his pulmonary valve, but your fingers inadvertently graze his shirt. A fire ignites in you feeling the firm slopes of his chest. The steady, deep thumping of his heart is loud in your ears, overwhelming your senses. The rhythmic pounding fills your body as if it were your own, as if you¡¯re attuning to an ancient secret within the fabric of space and time. You slide the diaphragm hastily over his tricuspid and mitral valves, the thumping making a mess of your thoughts. Listening to his lung sounds on the left and right, you scramble to regain your focus before anyone notices. ¡°See, I knew this would be meaningless.¡± Arahae says, shrugging. ¡°Anyway, next we check radial pulses.¡± She demonstrates on Jimin, her touch lingering. Jungkook holds his forearms in front of him, turning his palms up. Placing your pointer and middle fingers in the groove below his thumb between the radius bone and the taut tendons running down his forearm, you press firmly. You find his pulse, a distant reiteration of the same heartbeat, his eyes searing into you. You meet his gaze, a hint of a smile on his lips. I¡¯ll never get over him. Never be able to do this job. ¡°And last,¡± Arahae says, ¡°is the carotid pulse.¡± She finds Jimin¡¯s pulse on his neck as her eyes trace his face. Jungkook slightly tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck. You place your two fingers on the tender skin beneath his jaw just like you did at the airport in September, his pulse pushing against you. His eyes slide down to you. ¡°Sound check!¡± Namjoon calls from the other room, causing you to tear your fingers away. ¡°See you later,¡± Jungkook says. He leaves. ¡°You did great! I¡¯m sure you did that all the time at the hospital,¡± Arahae says. ¡°I donno, it seems like she learned a lot to me,¡± Jimin says, turning to walk away. ¡°Wait,¡± you say, ¡°it¡¯s not like that!¡± ¡°Sure,¡± Jimin says as he laughs, disappearing into the hallway. You stare at Arahae. ¡°It¡¯s really not,¡± you say. ¡°Don¡¯t feel bad,¡± she says. ¡°It¡¯s hard not to catch feelings being around them all the time. There¡¯s really no one like them¡­¡± Arahae brushes her hair over her shoulder, avoiding your eyes. ¡°Focus on your tasks. It makes it easier.¡± ? ? ? Eunji stands next to the entrance to the scaffolding beneath the stage with headset as fans scream and pre-concert footage plays. ¡°Arahae, you have Jimin, Hoseok, and Yoongi. Doyun, you have Namjoon, Jin, and Teahyung. Jasmine, you have Jungkook.¡± Your heart drops into the pit of your stomach as you try to conceal your emotions. Arahae leans over and winks. ¡°Told you.¡± Eunji continues, ¡°Keep them hydrated and cool. We don¡¯t need any more press about heat exhaustion.¡± The seven members of BTS arrive in a flurry of makeup artists and hair stylists doing last minute touch ups. They glittered the same way they did when you saw them in Fort Worth, almost making you forget your dreaded assignment until you notice Arahae and Doyun checking in with the other members. You approach Jungkook and offer him a bottle of water. He accepts. Finding courage in the moment, you say, ¡°Hey, I need to talk to you about something.¡± He raises his eyebrows. You wish you hadn¡¯t said it, but you did. Now, you have no choice but to follow through. The other members and staff make their way into the darkness under the stage, so you and Jungkook follow. ¡°If what happened at the airport weirded you out, I get it,¡± you say as you walk in stride with Jungkook to the lowered platform at center stage, metal beams and small lights all around. ¡°I understand if you want to work with someone else.¡± A weight you didn¡¯t know was there left your shoulders and chest. ¡°No, that¡¯s not it at all.¡± You¡¯re relieved but so confused. He¡¯s hardly said a word to you and seems to be avoiding you. He smiles, handing the water back to you. ¡°I saw how easy it was to fluster you.¡± He laughs softly, stepping on to the center stage platform with the other members. ¡°Making you nervous is fun.¡± First Time The platform lifts the seven members up into a cloud of smoke and magenta light as screams and IDOL tear through the stadium leaving you dazed in the darkened space underneath the stage with Arahae and Doyun. Music, cheering, and the voices of BTS fill every space in the stadium, but your thoughts rise above it all as the realization sinks in that Jungkook was toying with you. Shame burns through you as you remember his dark eyes mercilessly on you, confusing your thoughts and making a fool of you. For fun. Smug bastard. You follow Arahae out of the metal tunnel into the stadium, the fluorescents stinging your eyes, with Doyun close behind. ¡°Now, we wait for their wardrobe changes and see if they need anything,¡± she says over the commotion of the concert as she threads her way through people. She leads you back through the metal doors to the dressing room hallway where the concert becomes muffled. In BTS¡¯ dressing room, she points to a setlist posted on a wall. ¡°The next one is after Magic Shop in about thirty minutes. Be prepared for any injuries and don¡¯t let them overheat.¡± She hands you one of the three battery-powered portable fans nearby. Doyun grabs his own and sits in a corner, checking his phone. Sitting in one of the chairs, you turn the plastic fan over in your hand as Arahae sits sober and quiet next to you. You feel Doyun¡¯s sharp eyes on you a few times but your mind is overwhelmed with more pressing matters. He was just playing with me. Each song that softens into the next inches closer to what you¡¯re not ready for¡ªfacing Jungkook and his twisted games. The final notes of Magic Shop circulate through the stadium, mixing with the cheers of fans. Arahae and Doyun stand, hugging the perimeter of the room, and you do the same as your heart thunders. Muted concert footage plays as the entrance doors burst open followed by a storm of footsteps and heavy breathing. The seven members pour into the room with a chaotic cloud of hair stylists and makeup artists in their wake. Looking at Arahae and Doyun for a hint of what to do, you watch them check on the other members and use the fans to cool them off. Squeezing your way past other staff in the now crowded room, you find Jungkook in his designated space by the mirror with beads of sweat decorating his skin. You grab a neatly folded towel from his vanity table and hand it to him. He takes it from you and dabs his face and neck before tearing his prince themed jacket off as he tames his unruly breathing. The ruffled white shirt underneath is soaked with sweat and clings to him. ¡°Thanks,¡± Jungkook says, hanging his jacket over the back of his chair. The white shirt is practically translucent, betraying the shape and form of what lies beneath. You realize you¡¯re staring and flip on the portable fan in your hand, pointing it at him. The soft breeze gently feathers his thick bangs. Jungkook smirks. You lower the fan. ¡°Fine,¡± you say. ¡°I have no idea what I¡¯m doing.¡± The admission feels like sparks from flint and steel to pine. Jungkook smiles, enjoying your struggle. ¡°Some water would be nice.¡± A voice you don¡¯t recognize shouts, ¡°Hoseok, we need you ready in three!¡± Staff members zip around you, obscuring Arahae and Doyun. You wrestle a water bottle out of a large pack and thrust it to him. What was I thinking? I left everything for this¡ªto be degraded by Jungkook. It¡¯s obvious he thinks I¡¯m just some stupid fangirl! Insufferable prick! It comes out before you can stop it. ¡°Can you open it yourself or do you need someone to do that for you, too?¡± you ask. Namjoon breaks into laughter from where he sits behind you with staff touching up his hair and makeup, and your face flushes. ¡°You know what, I like you,¡± Namjoon says. ¡°He needs to be humbled.¡± Jungkook recovers from his momentary shock to eye you as if seeing you in a new light, investigating the chinks in your armour. His soft eyes find yours as he begins slowly undoing the first few buttons of his sticky shirt, daring you to keep eye contact. ¡°Wardrobe change,¡± he mutters, turning and leaving the dressing room. Red-faced, you stumble your way through the crowded dressing room and into the medical staff¡¯s room. In the calm, you feel your racing heart. You grab a water bottle and chug it, the cool liquid slithering down to douse the fire. You can make out Hobi¡¯s Trivia Æð: Just Dance performance through the speakers in the arena beyond the doors. The empty water bottle cracks and crinkles as you crush it in your hand and throw it into the garbage. Leaving room 3, you see Jungkook in a romantic white outfit with a denim jacket preparing for Euphoria in room 4. His cockiness is replaced by sharp, serious focus as he quickly rehearses a few lines and dance moves. Mazing through chairs and people, you find an empty space near him after grabbing the plastic portable fan and another water bottle. He¡¯s so absorbed in his practice that he hardly notices your presence. There¡¯s a fierce dedication in his eyes as he runs through vocal exercises, and you give him space, taking in this new side of him. A voice calls, ¡°Jungkook, we¡¯re ready for you!¡± He glances over at you as indication to follow, so you walk with him wordlessly to the same dimly lit place under the stage. The fans roar as Hobi¡¯s solo ends, and you sense Jungkook stiffen next to you. All of his playfulness gone, he has a far-off look as he stares at a fixed point. The thick, damp air underneath the stage takes on a suffocating quality that wasn¡¯t there before. You wonder how many moments like these he¡¯s had to endure alone, the thought creating an aching corkscrew in your chest. The center stage platform lowers, and you feel a strange helplessness well up inside you. Stepping onto the platform, his eyes drift to you. You raise a fist and mouth, ¡°Fighting.¡± In the low light, his heavy demeanor cracks as he smiles, leaving that distant place where you can¡¯t be and bringing him back to you. He raises a fist in response, relieving that horrible, twisted feeling. He slides in his purple in-ear monitors and faces center to wait for his cue. You watch as he¡¯s lifted up into the stadium of adoring fans, a place where he can leap and always be caught. Standing in the darkness alone listening to his smooth, airy tenor caress the stadium, a wild thing awakens. You¡¯d felt this once before when you met Isabella, a rowdy tomboy who joined your school in the ninth grade. You first noticed her roaming the halls alone, long legged with wavy black hair, and something in you made you talk to her. After that, she was an extrovert who picked you as her introvert. She insisted you join the soccer team with her, and many afternoons were spent practicing and talking until the street lights came on accompanied with their electric hum. One balmy night in June after junior year when she was sleeping over, you kissed her, and she kissed you back. You woke up the next morning buried in her hair, inhaling her scent. Like a strong magnet relentlessly pulling and attracting, you were inseparable. After graduation, you went to different colleges and promised to keep in touch, but, eventually, the distance was too much as you led separate lives. Learning to live without her was like existing without the piece of you that housed your heart, coating the world in monochrome monotony. Walking back out into the harsh light and returning to room 4, you sink into the chair Jungkook was sitting in, placing the portable fan and bottled water on the vanity in front of you. ¡°Sorry I lost you!¡± Arahae says from where she¡¯s looking at the setlist on the wall. ¡°Did everything go okay?¡± ¡°Yeah, I think I¡¯m getting the hang of it.¡± ¡°Great! Their next costume change is after Run.¡± If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. The time passes quickly and soon you hear the concert footage playing and the torrent of footsteps. You press your back against the wall like Arahae and Doyun. Hardly winded, Jungkook seems to have regained his energy as he strides over to you and sits. You feel that same constant magnetic pull. ¡°Miss me?¡± he asks as the staff fusses over him. ¡°You wish,¡± you say, handing him the water. In spite of yourself, a smile fights to take shape. The dressing room is full and crowded again as the seven members and staff operate like a well-oiled machine to stay on schedule. Serendipity seeps in through the walls. After taking a drink from the bottle, he meets your gaze. ¡°Liar.¡± You freeze, but before you get a chance to respond, he chuckles and walks out of the dressing room. He reappears in a few minutes in leather pants and a brown sequin jacket. A voice calls, ¡°Get in places for DNA!¡± Arahae finds you through the crowd. ¡°I¡¯m glad I caught you! We don¡¯t need to go with them this time. The scaffolding they walk through doesn¡¯t have much space for extra staff.¡± Jungkook winks before he saunters off with the other members. ¡°I see he¡¯s getting friendly,¡± Arahae mumbles. ¡°Does he do this with everyone?¡± you half-whisper. ¡°Don¡¯t get me wrong, he definitely has a fuck boy side. But he¡¯s usually reserved with people he doesn¡¯t know very well.¡± Arahae nudges your shoulder. ¡°What did you do?¡± You raise your eyebrows. ¡°Me? I haven¡¯t done anything! It¡¯s him.¡± Arahae laughs. ¡°Either way, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve noticed he¡¯s a handful!¡± ¡°I was wondering¡± you say, sitting in one of the chairs while you can. ¡°I know it¡¯s not really my business, but why does Jungkook need a medical staff member assigned to just him?¡± Arahae takes the chair next to you and leans in. ¡°He was one of the members assigned to Doyun, but we¡¯ve had several¡­incidents.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°You already know about the collapse on the Wings tour.¡± You nod. ¡°Jungkook¡­he doesn¡¯t know when to stop. He¡¯ll work himself into the ground if he¡¯s left to himself. Such a perfectionist! Doyun can¡¯t be with him all the time on top of taking care of the other members. He¡¯s taken it a little personally.¡± ¡°No kidding.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure he¡¯ll get over it soon. But you didn¡¯t hear it from me!¡± The music crests and falls, each song blending into the next like waves in an ocean pulled by the tide until you hear Airplane Pt. 2. ¡°Okay!¡± Arahae says, standing. ¡°This one¡¯s going to be hectic. They have one song to do a wardrobe change for Fake Love. Get him whatever he needs to stay on schedule.¡± Your heart quickens in anticipation. The clamor returns to the dressing room as the members spill in, and your eyes are immediately on Jungkook. He¡¯s drenched in sweat. Too much sweat. There¡¯s a pallor to his face with a dullness in his eyes. You meet him halfway. ¡°What the hell happened?¡± you ask, scanning him. ¡°I might have overdone it,¡± he says weakly, sliding into the chair and resting his head back. Mind racing, you help him shrug off his jacket, and his chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. ¡°Jesus, Jungkook,¡± you say, grabbing the towel and dabbing his face and neck. You click on your portable fan to cool him. With your free hand, you find his rapid yet strong radial pulse in the groove below his thumb. The dehydration must not be too severe if his peripheral pulses are strong. The corners of his mouth play at a smile as he watches you. Grabbing a Gatorade from a case nearby, you force it on him. ¡°Drink.¡± He sits up and takes long gulps. There¡¯s not enough time. ¡°You still have to change. How do you feel?¡± He stands with a small wobble. ¡°I¡¯ll be okay.¡± You eye him, crossing your arms. ¡°Really, I¡¯ll be fine,¡± he says, giving a small smile at your skepticism and heading for the changing room. Waiting in the dressing room corridor, your eyes stay glued to the changing room door as a raw nagging forms in the pit of your stomach. When he emerges, some color has returned to his face and he walks more steadily in his all black outfit. You release a breath you were holding in. He walks up to where you¡¯re standing against the wall, the narrow corridor forcing intimacy. ¡°That worried, huh,¡± he says in a low voice. Your thoughts muddle as you pick up light scents of sweat, spice, and woodsy amber. ¡°It¡¯s kind of my job. Which you¡¯re making pretty difficult, by the way.¡± ¡°Another lie.¡± He inches closer ever so slightly as blood rushes to your cheeks and heart pounds. ¡°Bad girl.¡± You catch fire. ¡°Places for Fake Love!¡± one of the production staff announces. He places a hand behind your elbow, electricity forming at his touch, and guides you to walk next to him. Head spinning, you make your way with Jungkook once again to the tunnel underneath the stage and try to throw off the effects of his sadistic game, your arm still tingling. The seven members step onto the center stage platform dressed in all black outfits of loose button ups and leather pants. Feeling Jungkook¡¯s eyes on you, you avoid him and find Arahae next to Doyun. The platform lifts them up into the darkness. The three of you walk back to BTS¡¯ dressing room, and you attempt to choke the heat that courses through your body. You walk over to where the setlist is posted and see that the next wardrobe change is for The Truth Untold. The final notes for Fake Love ring out and fans scream. Soon after, BTS enters the room. You inspect Jungkook for any signs of further dehydration to see the pallor hasn¡¯t returned. Making sure he has Gatorade in hand, you turn the fan on and point it at him as he slows his breathing. ¡°I could get used to this.¡± Yep. He¡¯s fine. ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re enjoying yourself. You know what I would really like? To get through my first show without you passing out. Drink. You need the electrolytes.¡± He smirks at your order like it¡¯s cute before taking long gulps. Epiphany starts in the venue, and he stands. ¡°Time to go,¡± he says, heading to the changing room. The wobble in his gait is gone. Arahae finds you in the crowded room. ¡°Hey! What was up with Jungkook earlier? He didn¡¯t look so great.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m pretty sure he almost passed out from dehydration.¡± Arahae¡¯s eyes widen. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, he¡¯s fine now.¡± She relaxes and rolls her eyes. ¡°This is exactly what I was talking about. Oh, and we¡¯ll just stay in here until the encore.¡± You both move out of the way and sit by the wall. ¡°So, how do you feel so far?¡± Arahae asks. ¡°This is actually exhausting,¡± you say, holding your head in your hands. ¡°I know it¡¯s a lot at first. I promise you¡¯ll get used to it, and it¡¯ll get easier. Besides, you¡¯re doing great! You¡¯ve already kept Jungkook from passing out,¡± she says, giggling. ¡°We needed another woman in here. Too much testosterone,¡± she says, waving a hand at the room filled with men. ¡°I can see that,¡± you say, smiling. ¡°How did you get this job?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve always wanted to work in the music industry, so after I graduated from nursing school, I applied to work in the Emergency Department to get experience. Then I sent out a bunch of applications and got this job a year ago. I¡¯m riding this out for as long as I can. It¡¯s amazing!¡± ¡°Emergency? Damn, you saw some shit,¡± you say. ¡°You were in the Medical ICU, right? I¡¯m sure you did, too.¡± A knowing silence passes between you. ¡°What about Doyun?¡± ¡°He¡¯s an EMT and¨C¡± She pauses to listen to Mic Drop playing. ¡°Okay, we¡¯re almost to the end of the concert,¡± she says, standing. You stand with her, and she turns to you. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to celebrate after! We still have to decide where to go.¡± You open your mouth to respond, but the seven members burst into the room. You hear the muffled sound of fans chanting through the walls. Jungkook glistens with sweat while breathing roughly, and you hand him a fresh towel. Cooling him with the fan, you ask, ¡°Still feeling okay?¡± ¡°Yeah, much better,¡± he says, appearing deep in thought. ¡°Be back,¡± he says, leaving the dressing room. A few minutes later, he reappears wearing the encore outfit you first met him in, and butterflies whirl in your stomach. He motions for you to follow him. Following Jungkook along with the other members one last time into the scaffolding underneath the stage, you look around at BTS, Arahae, and Doyun. For a moment, you feel so out of place, you feel heartsick for familiarity. The weight of this very long day threatens to crash down on you. Your mom¡¯s words echo in your head. You¡¯ll regret this when you¡¯re alone on the road. A dark ugliness knots inside you. In the dim tunnel, Jungkook looks at you for a moment then leans over and says, ¡°You can stay.¡± You hope he can¡¯t see the tears welling up in your eyes. ¡°Alright, everyone,¡± Namjoon says. ¡°This is the last leg of our first sold out stadium show. Let¡¯s keep our energy up and show our love to ARMY! This is a night we won¡¯t ever forget.¡± You hear shouts of affirmation and clapping. The seven members step onto the platform one final time and Jungkook raises a fist to you. You hold up your own as they¡¯re lifted into the stage and fans shriek with elation. As So What sounds through the stadium, a buried part of you is unearthed. Love Maze Back in the dressing room, Arahae runs up and hugs you. ¡°You made it through your first show!¡± You find yourself smiling the kind of smile that reaches up to touch your eyes. She steps back as deafening cheers from ARMY press through the walls. ¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s sunk in yet. None of this feels real,¡± you say. She laughs. ¡°Well, get used to it. One down, twenty five to go!¡± ¡°Twenty five?¡± ¡°Yep! Welcome to tour life.¡± Doyun keeps to himself in a corner. Eunji appears still wearing her headset, speaking into it occasionally. ¡°Where¡¯s she been?¡± you ask Arahae. ¡°You didn¡¯t notice her? She usually keeps an eye on everyone as much as possible. Her, Chin-Hwa, and Beom-Seuk communicate through the headset.¡± ¡°I guess I missed her in all the commotion,¡± you say, praying Eunji didn¡¯t notice Jungkook¡¯s antics. BTS spills into the room this time without the swarm of makeup artists and stylists, basking in the afterglow of their time with ARMY. Chin-Hwa enters the room wearing a headset of his own. ¡°Congratulations, everyone,¡± he says, ¡°for a successful night in our first sold out stadium show!¡± He smiles without restraint while members of the staff and BTS applaud. ¡°Tonight, we¡¯ll be celebrating at St. Cloud. I¡¯ll send a text out with the details.¡± Eunji walks over to you and Arahae, maneuvering around people. ¡°I trust Arahae gave you sufficient training?¡± she asks, taking the headset off. ¡°Yes, definitely.¡± ¡°She managed to keep Jungkook in line on her first day!¡± Arahae adds. Eunji examines you curiously. ¡°Good. If you have any questions, you can ask me or Arahae.¡± She takes out her phone. ¡°Ah, that reminds me. The medical staff will put their numbers in your phone. You need to get Jungkook¡¯s and the others as well.¡± Your stomach flips. Taking her phone, you put your number in and hand it back to her. ¡°Good work today,¡± Eunji says, giving you a slight smile before leaving. The makeup artists and stylists form clusters around the vanities, packing their supplies and slowly filtering out of the room. Arahae takes your phone. ¡°May as well add my number first.¡± After she hands your phone back, you find Doyun talking to Jin. God, I really just want to avoid this guy. Your legs feel heavier than usual as you trudge over to Doyun. They pause their conversation to look at you. ¡°Do you need something?¡± Doyun asks, his eyes cutting you down to size. ¡°Yeah, sorry, I just need to get your number. Eunji told me to.¡± He holds out his hand, and you place your phone in it. ¡°Actually, I need yours, too, Jin,¡± you say. Jin flashes a smile that soothes the sting of Doyun¡¯s resentment. ¡°Of course,¡± Jin says, taking your phone from Doyun. ¡°But, first, I have a very important question.¡± You stare back at him questioningly. ¡°How do you get a farm girl to marry you?¡± He pauses. ¡°First, a tractor!¡± Jin bursts into his classic windshield wiper laugh which makes you crack up, and Doyun¡¯s serious face falters. Some of the other members groan. Jin hands your phone back as Jimin slides up to you already dressed in his street clothes. ¡°I¡¯ll take that,¡± he says, putting his number into your phone. ¡°I¡¯ll add you to our group chat, too.¡± ¡°Oh, thanks,¡± you say. After retrieving your phone, you see he added you to a group chat named Love Yourself Tour with Arahae, Doyun, and a few numbers you don¡¯t have yet. ¡°See you at St. Cloud,¡± Jimin says. You get the numbers of Hoseok, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Taehyung as they¡¯re leaving. The air thickens as you¡¯re alone with Jungkook dressed in his street clothes¡ªan oversized black shirt paired with a large flannel and baggy jeans with black boots. You approach him and hold out your phone. ¡°Eunji said I need to get everyone¡¯s number.¡± He takes your phone. ¡°I know why they hired you.¡± You remain silent, unsure of what to say. ¡°I think it¡¯s going to be a good arrangement.¡± He hands the phone back to you and leaves. Arrangement? In the hallway, you run into Beom-Seuk unlocking the storage closet with your suitcase. ¡°Stay out of trouble, kid?¡± he asks. ¡°I¡¯m not sure¡­¡± He chuckles and rolls your luggage to you before picking it up again, and you thank him. Heading into the medical staff¡¯s room, you find Arahae and Doyun packing up their things. ¡°I¡¯m assuming you guys know how we¡¯re getting to St. Cloud?¡± you ask, grabbing your backpack. If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. ¡°Chin-Hwa usually arranges rides for us, especially for something last minute like this.¡± Arahae says. You follow them out a back door of the stadium where a black SUV is waiting and get in. You watch as Citi Field stadium, the place that is now home to precious memories, shrinks into the horizon. The SUV cuts through tangles of bridges, overpasses, and cars, carving its way to Manhattan in concrete. In the darkness, the tallest skyscrapers you¡¯ve ever seen tower over you so high that you can¡¯t see where they end and the sky begins. Little kiosks of street food perch on every block as streams of people weave their way around each other. The SUV stops at the glowing entrance of an older style building. ¡°Chin-Hwa asked me to take your luggage back to the hotel,¡± the driver said over his shoulder. You nod and grab your wallet from your backpack. Arahae checks her phone. ¡°It¡¯s on the 17th floor. I¡¯ve been dying to go to a rooftop bar again!¡± The lobby is polished and classy, and the elevator takes you to the top floor. The cool October air wraps around you as you step off of the elevator. The skyscrapers loom like metal giants adorned with shimmers of yellow light as patrons circle in intimate corners. ¡°We usually have our own section,¡± Arahae says, peeking at her phone. ¡°Oh, I see them!¡± As you walk into a large reserved section, you¡¯re greeted enthusiastically. Frosted glass half walls encase the area with a cutout on the ledge facing the city. There¡¯s a large mahogany table in the middle with tea light candles lining the center, throwing soft light. ¡°Took you long enough!¡± Taehyung says. ¡°Just in time for the toast,¡± Hobi says. Arahae takes the seat next to Jimin and Doyun next to Tae, so you sit in the only available chair next to Yoongi at the end of the table. Chin-Hwa claims the head with Beom-Seuk and Eunji at his right and left. A sweating glass of champagne already rests on the table waiting for you, so you pick it up. Chin-Hwa stands and raises his glass. ¡°There¡¯s much to celebrate tonight¡ªour first sold out stadium show, the end of the North American leg of the tour, and Jasmine¡¯s first show with us.¡± The sudden recognition makes your breath catch. He continues, ¡°May we always have a thirst for uncharted territory and gratitude for the path that led us there.¡± Shouts of agreement spring up, and everyone sips from their glasses. Smaller conversations pop up around the table. ¡°Who¡¯s doing a whiskey shot with me?¡± Yoongi asks. ¡°I will,¡± you say. Fuck it. The day wears heavily on you and something to take the edge off sounds delicious even though you¡¯ve never done a whiskey shot in your life, but this seems like a night for trying new things. ¡°Alright, Jasmine! Anyone else?¡± Arahae, Jimin, Doyun, and Jungkook join in. When the shots arrive, you hold the viscous dark liquid in its sleek glass, the bite stinging your nose. Yoongi raises his shot. ??! ¡°Wonsyat!¡± You hit the glass on the table before tossing it back, the whiskey burning your throat like caustic hairspray on the way down. Realizing why you¡¯ve never drank whiskey, a sick shiver rattles you, and Arahae stifles the same bodily reaction. Yoongi looks like he¡¯s just drank water, his face stone cold. Jimin and Jungkook flinch a little but quickly recover. ¡°Oh come on, it wasn¡¯t that bad,¡± Yoongi says, looking amused and leaning back in his chair. ¡°Says the guy who can drink absinthe,¡± Taehyung says. The effects of the shot start to sink in as a warmth unfolds in your abdomen and spreads through your body. You excuse yourself to find the bathroom, feeling like you¡¯re floating. How strong was that shot? On your way back, you¡¯re cut off by a young man in a suit. ¡°You should join me at my table.¡± The smell of liquor is strong, and a warning flares inside you. ¡°Oh, no thank you,¡± you say, plastering a smile. ¡°Let me buy you a drink. Or at least get your number.¡± He steps closer to you, and you take a step back. ¡°I have a boyfriend.¡± ¡°Then where is he?¡± He sees right through your lie, and panic creeps up your chest. ¡°Jas, there you are.¡±Jungkook appears from the shadows leading to the reserved room. ¡°Can¡¯t let you out of my sight for one second,¡± he says, slinging an arm over your shoulders. He¡¯s tense. The man sizes Jungkook up. ¡°This your boyfriend?¡± Jungkook¡¯s eyes slice the man to shreds. ¡°Problem?¡± After doing a few quick mental calculations, the man scoffs and wanders further into the bar. Jungkook removes his arm and pulls you to a vacant corner with skyscrapers jutting into the stars. ¡°You okay?¡± he asks, his eyes skimming you. ¡°Yeah, I think so,¡± you say, feeling a little shaken up. ¡°That guy was a total dick.¡± ¡°He was really pissing me off,¡± he says in a low voice, an icy intensity building again. ¡°Thank you.¡± The words felt heavy like a thousand different meanings were folded into them. ¡°Any time,¡± he says, thawing. He looks as if he wants to say something more. ¡°Let¡¯s get back before they wonder where we are.¡± When you return to the reserved room, people have broken off into their own groups, admiring the city and having their own conversations. Grabbing your glass of champagne, you join Jungkook, Jimin, and Hobi where they stand looking out at the city that never sleeps. Jimin and Hobi fall on each other laughing, holding their glasses of champagne. ¡°What¡¯s so funny?¡± Jungkook asks. ¡°Look at Yoongi,¡± Jimin says, struggling to breathe. Yoongi sits where you left him with two more empty shot glasses around him. Eyes squinty, he deliberately raises a glass of water and takes tiny sips. ¡°The more alcohol he drinks, the more catlike he gets,¡± Hobi says through fits. You and Jungkook burst into laughter, catching a few stares. When you begin to catch your breath, Jimin says, ¡°I know something you don¡¯t know,¡± in a sing-song voice. Hobi and Jimin snicker. ¡°And what could that possibly be?¡± you ask him. Jimin gives a shit-eating grin. ¡°Jungkook wouldn¡¯t shut up about you after the airport.¡± Hobi cackles. Jungkook¡¯s eyes widen as he shoves Jimin. ¡°What the fuck?¡± Your heart thumps against your ribs as you wonder if it¡¯s true or if they¡¯re pulling a prank. Both possibilities make you giggle. ¡°Aw, don¡¯t be too mad at me, Kookie,¡± Jimin says. ¡°It¡¯s cute! Right, Jasmine?¡± Your chest squeezes. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s pretty cute,¡± you say, the whiskey mixing with champagne making you bold. Jungkook¡¯s dark eyes search yours. ¡°See? Nothing to worry about,¡± Hobi says, enjoying the teasing. Chin-Hwa taps the edge of a knife on his champagne glass, and conversations fade. ¡°As much as I love celebrations, it¡¯s time to get some rest for the flight to London. Tonight was fun. I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll find another reason to celebrate soon.¡± You take one last look at the sparkling night of city lights before walking through the candlelit bar. Stepping onto the elevator, the members pack in, and you end up next to Jungkook along the back wall. As the elevator plunges you to the first floor, the movement makes your hand graze Jungkook¡¯s. Heart fluttering, you blush at the accidental contact. Then, you feel it¡ªa stroke, a finger running against the back of your hand. Jungkook stares straight ahead. Your heart pounds. The elevator dings, the doors opening. In the lobby, people bid each other farewell for the night. Needing some fresh air, you push through the revolving door into the night. You press your back against the exterior of the building and focus on breathing. Jungkook must¡¯ve followed you outside because he¡¯s in front of you. Placing a hand on the wall near your shoulder, he leans in close enough that you can smell the champagne on his breath. ¡°Goodnight, Jas.¡± Bloody Beautiful Standing on the tarmac, the wind whips your hair underneath a gloomy sky. The private jet looks toy-like as the staff members climb the set of stairs into the plane. Arahae had explained that Chin-Hwa is working on convincing Big Hit to invest in their own jet after Jungkook was rushed at the airport, and this was the compromise for now. You grasp the cold metal rail as you climb the uneven steps. The interior is glazed with coffee and cream colors with wood accents, the plush seats more like high-end office chairs. You pick a seat near the window not too far away from Eunji and Arahae, your eyes drifting out of the window to replay the events of last night for the umpteenth time. After last night, you¡¯re not sure if this is a game anymore. Jimin¡¯s loose lips slipped a secret that you wouldn¡¯t let yourself consider¡ªthat Jungkook might feel the same. Needing to quiet the barrage of questions you can¡¯t answer in your fuzzy, aching head, you check your phone and see two texts. Nikki updates?? Mom I need to talk to you Stomach twisting at your mom¡¯s text, you decide to respond to Nikki first. Jasmine idek where to begin apparently they hired me to help Jungkook specifically and no one decided to tell me that until the first show and don¡¯t even get me started on Jungkook he almost passed out the first show RUDE but also he¡¯s been like¡­really forward? idk I¡¯m so confused Nikki wait wait wait WHAT Jasmine YES it¡¯s so fucked because he def knows I¡¯m into him and I feel like he¡¯s throwing it in my face?? but then last night at a bar Jimin said JK wouldn¡¯t shut up about me after the airport and I¡¯m like??? then I think we had a moment???? Nikki JASMINE are you saying what I think you¡¯re saying?? Jasmine don¡¯t ask me that because my head hurts and I can¡¯t think about his anymore Nikki but if he does you HAVE to shoot your shot are you KIDDING ME Jasmine it¡¯s complicated what if he doesn¡¯t feel the same way? I could get fired for even saying anything You shove your phone back into your pocket when you see the members boarding. Everyone is subdued after last night, especially Yoongi. When Jungkook boards, he makes a beeline for the pair of seats across from you and takes the aisle chair. He rummages around in his carry-on and pulls out two capsules of Advil. ¡°If you feel like I do, you need these,¡± he says, handing them to you. ¡°Thanks.¡± You take them with a bottle of water. ¡°Does this mean I get to be your nurse now?¡± The thought makes you laugh. ¡°I wish it were that simple.¡± The pilot announces that the plane is ready for take off, so you buckle your seatbelt and switch your phone to airplane mode. The plane picks up speed, holding what is now your entire world, as it ascends between the skyscrapers of New York. Climbing higher, you watch as the city bespeckled with autumn trees dwindles until the plane disappears into cloud cover. ¡°So,¡± Jungkook says with a glimmer in his eyes, ¡°what did you think of your first night in New York?¡± ¡°I learned a lot about Yoongi,¡± you say, smiling at the memory. ¡°And you.¡± Two can play this game. If that¡¯s all this is. A corner of his mouth pulls upward. So used to getting what he wants, isn¡¯t he? ¡°It was educational, wasn¡¯t it, Jas?¡± The nickname stokes the embers in your blood as you wonder if the implied familiarity is real. ¡°You know, I learned something, too. That I can¡¯t turn my back for one second before someone else tries to whisk you away.¡± He crosses his arms. ¡°And I don¡¯t like someone trying to take what¡¯s mine.¡± Heat rushes to your face. ¡°Yours? Says who, pretty boy?¡± Leaning forward, he drops the smirk and points to himself. ¡°I do.¡± Your heart thumps so wildly that you wonder if he can hear it. You stare back at him locked in his gaze, feeling him take ownership of you. He leans back, a faint smile touching his lips. ¡°Get some rest. It¡¯s a long flight.¡± ? ? ? Arahae puts away her luggage in the hotel room as you lie on one of the twin beds, texting your mom back. Jasmine what is it? Mom when are you coming home? Jasmine I¡¯m on tour, so not for a while maybe in April Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Mom well I just wanted you to know that I¡¯ve given up drinking Mark and I broke up too On paper, these things sound great. They sound like everything you want to hear, but you¡¯re familiar with the emptiness in these words. Unwelcome memories intrude your thoughts. You¡¯re twelve years old trying on your first bra, hearing your mom laugh at your budding breasts. You¡¯re twenty years old in the infancy of your eating disorder recovery, enduring her jokes about binging and purging. You¡¯re twenty-one coming out as bisexual, listening to her call herself ¡°spaghetti sexual¡± while the rest of your family gets off on fear-mongering a conservative wet dream that your sexuality is a product of a leftist agenda. You¡¯re twenty-two, the first time your mom promised she was done drinking. You come to drained, floating in a void of endless night. Jasmine okay ? ? ? You dream of your parents chasing you through a house that ever-deepens, their pursuit as vehement as your flight. ? ? ? Setting your backpack down in the medical staff dressing room, you try to cleanse yourself of last night¡¯s dream, but it sticks to you like tar. On the drive in, you marveled at the historic buildings decorating London, and the O2 Arena looked like a mechanical full moon embedded snugly in a bend in the Thames River. The backstage areas are more updated and polished than Citi Field with neon lights and amenities set up throughout. Eunji walks in wearing a headset and holding a clipboard. ¡°Each of you will be responsible for the same members as the last concert. Let me know if anything comes up. Otherwise, I¡¯ll assume everything is running smoothly.¡± She doesn¡¯t wait for a response before disappearing into the hallway. When Arahae and Doyun leave, you take a moment to prepare yourself for a long concert day. You take a deep breath and join the others. In BTS¡¯ dressing room, the seven members are lounging on couches and chairs waiting for their day of concert preparations to begin. Arahae is engaged in what looks like a flirty game of verbal chess with Jimin, and Doyun, in his usual broody mood, hovers near Jin and Taehyung. Jungkook lies on one of the couches, and you find a space at the end to sit down. Looking at you over his phone, he prods your thigh with a socked foot. ¡°Rough night?¡± ¡°Yeah, kinda.¡± ¡°Do I need to beat up Arahae?¡± A smile spreads across your lips. ¡°No, no, it¡¯s not her. She¡¯s an actual angel.¡± ¡°Then who?¡± He sits up. ¡°Just say the word, and I¡¯ll leave them bloody.¡± You assume he¡¯s up to his usual antics until the silence extends, posing questions with his eyes. You begin to speak but trail off, thoughts lunging at you like masked demons in a haunted house. Grasping at letters to form words, they combine and dissolve into air. ¡°Come with me,¡± Jungkook says, standing. He leads you through the stylish arena where the production crew weave around each other carrying equipment. When you break away from the crew, your footsteps echo off of the wavy modern ceiling designs until you come upon a cute shop called Costa Coffee. Inside, Jungkook turns to you. ¡°What¡¯s your coffee order?¡± ¡°An iced latte.¡± He walks up to the counter and orders an iced americano and iced latte. When he¡¯s done ordering, you open your mouth to protest, but he holds a hand up. ¡°It¡¯s my treat.¡± He grabs the coffees when they¡¯re ready and hands the latte to you. Exiting the coffee shop, you settle into cushy fabric chairs in the empty arena. ¡°Thanks,¡± you say. You swirl your straw, the ice clinking against the glass, and take a sip. ¡°So,¡± he says after taking a drink of his americano, ¡°what¡¯s on your mind?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a long story. I don¡¯t want to bother you with it.¡± ¡°Who says you¡¯d be bothering me?¡± He stares back at you as a pit of dread grows in your chest. ¡°Why do you care so much, anyway? Shouldn¡¯t you be getting ready for the concert?¡± you ask. ¡°I care because I do. Is that so wrong?¡± You want to tell him everything, but he¡¯s said too many pretty things. People who speak so beautifully hide webs of deceit spun underneath. He leans forward with a sparkle of mischief in his eyes. ¡°If you don¡¯t tell me what¡¯s going on, I¡¯ll be distracted the whole concert trying to figure it out.¡± He cocks his head. ¡°I¡¯d hate to think what would happen if that affected my performance. You¡¯d have ARMY to answer to.¡± A smile cracks across your lips, his playfulness softening you. ¡°Fine, you win.¡± Satisfied, he leans back. ¡°I had a nightmare,¡± you say. ¡°What kind?¡± ¡°A recurring one.¡± You look down, picking at your nails. He pauses, looking thoughtful. ¡°What happens in them?¡± ¡°My parents are chasing me through a never-ending house. They¡¯re always right there no matter how many doors I run through and lock behind me.¡± He takes a sip of his americano while thinking over what you said. Regret grips you. Standing, you say, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I shouldn¡¯t have said anything.¡± You turn to leave and feel a firm grip on your wrist. Twisting, you see Jungkook¡¯s hand stopping you. He stands, pulling you from where his hand meets your wrist closer and closer until his arms wrap around you. You¡¯re smelling his spice and warm amber scent, hearing his heartbeat whisper its same secrets as you embrace him. You didn¡¯t know someone so strong could be so gentle. Breaking away, he places his hands on your shoulders to keep you close. His eyes search yours. ¡°Jas, I¡¯m sorry. Thank you for telling me.¡± He takes a strand of your hair and runs his fingers down it. ¡°You can¡¯t live your whole life pushing people away, you know.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He studies your face. ¡°Such a good listener.¡± When he sees how red you get, he smiles slyly. On the way back, he walks a little closer to you than before. When you enter the dressing room, Namjoon says, ¡°Where have you two lovebirds been?¡± Jimin makes a thrusting motion and some of the other members laugh. ¡°Fuck off,¡± Jungkook says, smiling and throwing a nearby water bottle at Jimin. Jimin ducks to avoid the projectile. Someone from production announces that it¡¯s time for sound check, so the seven members head to the stage. You walk with Arahae and Doyun to the center of the stadium, and Jungkook stays close to you. You hang back slightly off stage with Arahae and Doyun to watch the sound check. ¡°So, where were you guys?¡± Arahae asks. ¡°We went to get coffee. I didn¡¯t sleep well last night.¡± ¡°If you were doing your job, you wouldn¡¯t have let him run off,¡± Doyun says under his breath. Arahae rolls her eyes. ¡°Can¡¯t you sulk somewhere else?¡± Doyun walks off. ¡°Jerk. He¡¯s starting to be a real pain in the ass.¡± ¡°Whatever,¡± you say. Your mind is preoccupied with the memory of Jungkook¡¯s arms around you. When the sound check is over, Jungkook tells you he¡¯s going to take a shower before it¡¯s time for hair and makeup, so you head back to the dressing room. Sitting on the same couch as before, you watch as Arahae and Doyun check on the other members. The hair and makeup artists set up their stations, unpacking products and tools and arranging them on the counters. You check your phone and see a missed call from Jungkook. He calls you again. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Jas, I need you to come to the shower room I¡¯m in.¡± His voice is strained. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Just come here. Hurry.¡± The urgency in his voice made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. ¡°I¡¯m coming. Where are you?¡± ¡°Take a right out of the dressing room and it¡¯s the third door on the right.¡± You follow his directions to the door. ¡°I¡¯m here.¡± ¡°You have to come in,¡± he says, grunting. ¡°I can¡¯t get up.¡± Oh shit. Your nurse persona slips on like a second skin. As you twist the handle of the door, your true self is tucked away neatly in that same box deep inside you. When you open the door, you see Jungkook in boxers and a T-shirt sitting on the floor holding his left heel as thick drops of blood leak between his fingers. Blood streaks and dots the floor. His face is pulled with pain. ¡°Keep holding pressure. I¡¯ll grab the med kit,¡± you say. You close the door and speed walk to the medical dressing room. Grabbing the kit, you quickly walk back. You kneel down to Jungkook and place the med kit on the tile floor. ¡°Let me see.¡± Jungkook hesitates for a moment then pries his fingers back, revealing a deep gash on his heel. Some of the cordlike Achilles tendon shines through layers of blood and torn skin in a few places. ¡°What happened?¡± you say, grabbing the towel he brought for showering and placing it under his heel. He winces at the movement. ¡°I was stretching and my heel came down on something.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll need stitches. I¡¯m going to wrap it up and call Eunji.¡± You grab a bottle of water out of the kit. ¡°Going to clean it first.¡± ¡°What about performing?¡± he asks. You pour water over his heel, causing him to groan and flinch. ¡°Jungkook¡­¡± You meet his eyes, unable to bring yourself to say the words. Assessing the cleaned wound, you grab the fluffy roll of Kerlix, stretchy coband, and some gauze. You rip open the packet of gauze first. ¡°Putting gauze on, wrapping it in coband, and finishing with Kerlix.¡± Little beads of sweat form on his face. You place the gauze over his wound as delicately as you can. ¡°Hold that.¡± Fishing the scissors out, you measure how much coband you need before cutting. ¡°This is probably going to hurt. I have to create pressure to stop the bleeding.¡± You look at him. He nods. Wrapping the rubbery coband around his wound with the layer of gauze, he grimaces and grunts. You move on to the Kerlix. You unwrap the soft cotton and begin criss crossing the wrap around his heel. You inspect your work before sealing the end with micropore tape. ¡°Can you stand?¡± you ask. ¡°I think so.¡± You kneel down and let him put an arm around your shoulders as you secure your arm around his waist. You count down from three and stand with him, holding on to a metal rail built into the bathroom wall to help. ¡°How¡¯s that?¡± He winces. ¡°Fine.¡± You open the door to make your way to a vacant room. He walks unsteadily, leaning on you for support. Entering room 5, you help him sit in a chair and pull out your phone to call Eunji. ¡°Wait,¡± he says. You lower the phone. ¡°What if I don¡¯t get to perform? What does this mean for the rest of the tour?¡± You kneel down and look up at him. ¡°I don¡¯t know. But I do know that you need stitches. Once we get your wound sewn up, it can start to heal. I can¡¯t say how long that will take.¡± He looks back at you with a terrible darkness in his eyes. Your nurse persona cracks, and pieces of you, the real you, climb free. ¡°No matter what happens,¡± you say, brushing a strand of damp hair out of his face, ¡°I¡¯m staying right here. We¡¯re going to figure this out.¡± A flicker of light returns to his eyes. You dial Eunji¡¯s number. Tempest Eunji bursts through the door. You explain what happened, and she speaks into her headset. Turning to you, she says, ¡°I¡¯ll call the doctor. Get him supine on the floor so he¡¯ll be ready when the doctor arrives.¡± She leaves. You kneel so Jungkook can put his arm around your shoulders while you secure an arm around his waist. Standing, you pivot and slowly lower him to the ground. You guide him to lie flat. Kneeling over him, he looks up at you, his dark eyes shadowed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry if this gets you into any trouble,¡± he says. ¡°I was being stupid.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not important right now.¡± A ghost of a smile forms on his lips. Namjoon appears in the doorway. ¡°He has a heel injury,¡± you say, straightening. ¡°How bad is it?¡± ¡°He needs stitches.¡± Namjoon curses under his breath. ¡°I¡¯ll tell the others.¡± A droplet of sweat slides down his face as his eyes stay fixed on the ceiling. ¡°Hurt?¡± you ask. He nods. You roll up a towel and place it under his head, aching to soothe his pain. The other members pour in and fill the chairs surrounding Jungkook. Jin places a white blanket over him. ¡°The doctor is on his way,¡± Jimin says. ¡°You okay?¡± Tae asks. ¡°I just want to perform,¡± Jungkook says. Hobi and Tae exchange glances. A silence extends. Eunji enters the room with a lanky man wearing dark framed glasses. ¡°This is Dr. Kang.¡± A large black bag is slung over his shoulder. Dr. Kang gives a polite hello before emptying the contents of his bag and arranging them at Jungkook¡¯s feet. ¡°This is so ridiculous,¡± Jungkook groans. ¡°Please lay on your stomach,¡± Dr. Kang says, snapping on a pair of blue gloves. Jungkook complies. Dr. Kang snips the Kerlix and unwraps the dressing, exposing the coband and blood-soaked gauze underneath. ¡°I¡­have to go,¡± a pale Taehyung says. ¡°We¡¯ll be supporting you,¡± Jin says, ¡°in spirit.¡± Hoseok follows them out. Dr. Kang peels off the gauze. ¡°That¡¯s a pretty nasty wound you¡¯ve got there,¡± he says, adjusting his glasses. ¡°We¡¯ll get you stitched up. I¡¯ll give you a local anesthetic first.¡± He gets to work, pulling out a vial, syringe, and needle. Yoongi leans in. ¡°Anyone who can begin hair and makeup should go to the dressing room,¡± Eunji says. ¡°I¡¯ll let everyone know the plan once Dr. Kang is done.¡± She speaks into her headset and sits in one of the chairs. Yoongi clicks his tongue. ¡°Damn, I wanted to watch.¡± Dr. Kang flicks the syringe and inspects it. Attaching the needle, he presses until a drop forms at the bevel. ¡°This might sting.¡± He slides the needle under a thin layer of skin by his heel. Jungkook winces as Dr. Kang injects the anesthetic around the site. A raw need forms in you to touch him, to comfort him, but you feel Eunji¡¯s detached analysis. If she does have eyes and ears everywhere like Arahae makes it seem, Eunji doesn¡¯t give anything away. ¡°Done,¡± Dr. Kang says. He taps a gloved finger near the wound. ¡°Can you feel this?¡± ¡°No,¡± Jungkook answers, the tension in his face lessening. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Dr. Kang prepares his needle, looping the surgical steel and tying it off. Eunji stands. ¡°It looks like this is handled. I¡¯ll be back when the stitching is done.¡± She looks at you. ¡°Let me know.¡± ¡°I will.¡± A foreboding grows in your stomach as you watch her leave. Dr. Kang inserts the needle under the layer of skin at the top of the gash. ¡°Feel anything?¡± you ask Jungkook. ¡°Just some pressure.¡± Looking over at Dr. Kang, you see him absorbed in his work. ¡°I think Eunji¡¯s pissed,¡± you say. ¡°If she gives you any problems, I¡¯ll talk to her. You weren¡¯t even there. What could you have done?¡± Dr. Kang ties off the last stitch and redresses his heel. ¡°All done,¡± Dr. Kang says, securing the Kerlix dressing with micropore tape. You call Eunji as Jungkook turns over and sits up. A few moments later, she reappears with Namjoon and Yoongi. ¡°You need to stay off your heel for at least four days. No dancing for one month,¡± Dr. Kang says. ¡°One month?¡± Jungkook asks. ¡°What about the concert?¡± ¡°You can participate, but you¡¯ll need to be sitting. Some standing is okay, but nothing more.¡± ¡°We can make that happen,¡± Eunji says. She hands Jungkook a pharmacy bag. ¡°Here¡¯s something to help with the pain after the anesthetic wears off. Start hair and makeup.¡± Namjoon rolls in a wheelchair. ¡°You have to use this for now.¡± Jungkook lowers himself into it. You push him into the dressing room with the rest of the members and to his spot in front of the mirror. Doyun cuts a glance at you. Staff gets to work on Jungkook. ¡°I heard about what happened,¡± Arahae says, walking up to you. ¡°I¡¯m just glad this injury is fixable.¡± ¡°Me too. It could¡¯ve been a lot worse. Imagine if his Achilles was sliced,¡± you say, cringing. ¡°The anesthetic wears off in two to three hours, right?¡± Namjoon asks. ¡°What if it wears off during the concert?¡± Hobi asks, laughing. Namjoon sings, ¡°¡®You are the cause of my euphori-aaaaaa!¡± Jungkook smiles. ¡°I¡¯ll be right back,¡± you say to Jungkook. You step into the medical staff¡¯s dressing room to take a breather, sitting in a chair. Doyun darkens the doorway. ¡°Assigned to one member and you can¡¯t even keep track of him.¡± His eyes pierce you. ¡°Excuse me?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know why you were even hired in the first place. Some of us actually worked to get this job instead of getting handouts.¡± When he sees you wordless, he gives a cruel smile and leaves. Alone, the day becomes too much to bear, and you break down crying. Tears escape as you try to regain control of your breathing. Once you calm, you look into the mirror and see your face flushed with emotion and bloodshot eyes. You make yourself as presentable as you can, taking a few deep breaths, and return to the dressing room across the hall. You sit by Jungkook, looking down at your hands. He¡¯s dressed in his prince outfit and has been glamorized by staff. He studies you. ¡°Is everything okay?¡± You meet his eyes and watch as a fierce fire blazes. ¡°Who did this to you?¡± he asks in a low, quiet voice. He takes off his jacket. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°Jasmine,¡± he says with a stern tone. ¡°Who.¡± ¡°Doyun,¡± you half-whisper. ¡°He¨C¡± Jungkook stands and charges Doyun where he stands on the other side of the room, barreling through chairs. ¡°So you wait till I¡¯m gone to talk shit?¡± He shoves a wide-eyed Doyun against the wall. The members stand, some of them yelling for him to stop. ¡°I¡¯m here now.¡± Jungkook leans in close to Doyun. ¡°Why don¡¯t you say it to my face?¡± Namjoon pries him off of Doyun. He stands in front of Jungkook. ¡°Walk away, man.¡± Doyun quickly leaves, Jungkook throwing knives with his eyes watching him. You run over to him. ¡°You idiot!¡± You force him to sit down in the nearest chair. ¡°Did you even think about what this could do to your stitches?¡± Jungkook stays silent. You work to undo the dressing and inspect the damage. You breathe a sigh of relief. ¡°You¡¯re very lucky. It¡¯s irritated but intact.¡± The members collectively relax. ¡°What was that all about?¡± Tae asks, watching you redress Jungkook¡¯s heel. You don¡¯t look up at Tae, waiting for Jungkook to answer. ¡°Tell him,¡± Jungkook says. You secure the end of the dressing and look up at Tae. ¡°Doyun said some choice words to me when I was in the medical staff¡¯s dressing room.¡± ¡°He made her cry,¡± Jungkook says. The members exchange a few looks. ¡°As long as it¡¯s settled,¡± Jin says. ¡°Just don¡¯t do it again.¡± A member of production announces there¡¯s five minutes before IDOL. You help Jungkook walk back to the wheelchair, and he lowers himself into it. ¡°What were you thinking? You could¡¯ve ruined the rest of the tour for yourself.¡± ¡°You think I¡¯m going to let someone talk to you like that?¡± You open your mouth to respond but can¡¯t find any words to say. I Need U Standing under the stage with the other members, Jungkook sinks down into a chair on the lowered platform for the encore. He¡¯s been quiet ever since the confrontation with Doyun. With too many eyes around to pick apart your interactions, you¡¯re unsure of what to do. Doyun, his eyes cast downward, had avoided Jungkook at every opportunity. You step back as the platform is raised to center stage, the fans chanting. ¡°What a dramatic night,¡± Arahae says next to you. ¡°If we go back to the dressing room, we¡¯ll have to sit awkwardly with Doyun. Want to watch the encore from backstage?¡± ¡°Can we? I don¡¯t think I¡¯m ready for that yet.¡± ¡°Say less.¡± Following Arahae out of the scaffolding beneath the stage, she makes a few turns and walks up a small set of steps. She stops in a dark, damp area just off stage right. The glaring lights flood the stage as ARMY Bombs form constellations in the crowd. ¡°Are we allowed to be here?¡± you ask. She grins. ¡°As long as no one can see us, yeah.¡± Smiling, you watch as the end of So What flows into Anpanman. Jungkook catches your eye from where he¡¯s sitting when he hangs his head and his shoulders begin to shake. Seeing him cry feels like someone sliced your own heart, and tears well up. You and Arahae share concerned looks. Jimin is the first to notice and runs over to Jungkook. Kneeling down, Jimin says something you don¡¯t catch. Jungkook calms and wipes his face with a nearby towel. As Jimin says a few more words to him, Jungkook breaks into a smile that Jimin returns. Watching Jimin¡¯s care makes you eternally grateful to him for doing what you cannot. Taehyung jogs over, not attempting to conceal the worry on his face. Jungkook stands, and Tae walks side by side with him as they walk back to the rest of the members. Rallying, Jungkook sings his part and laughs at Jimin prancing around him. As Love Yourself: Answer¡¯s gentle melody fills the arena and dwindles, your heart begins to mend. The members bow. Waving and giving finger hearts to the audience, they slowly make their way to exit stage right. Arahae walks off with an unspoken understanding that you won¡¯t follow. You move out of the way so the members can walk past you, giving you curious glances. Jungkook is the last one to leave the stage and stops in the darkness when he sees you. He closes the distance and embraces you, but it¡¯s different this time. Clinging to you, his tears soak the shoulder of your shirt where his head is buried. Your arms tighten around him with one hand reaching up to stroke his hair. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± you whisper. He pulls back, his eyes red. ¡°Because of my stupidity, I couldn¡¯t perform for ARMY that waited in lines all day and traveled to see us.¡± His face is twisted with emotion. ¡°They deserve better than this.¡± Hearing him shocks you into frustration, and your words tumble out. ¡°Even if all you did was sit and sing, it doesn¡¯t matter. They love you.¡± You pause, heat rising to your face. ¡°You¡¯re human. It was an accident. They¡¯ll understand.¡± As he takes your words in, his face relaxes. ¡°I¡¯m sure they¡¯re just glad you¡¯re okay,¡± you say. ¡°I am.¡± His eyes glow with something dark and intense. Placing a hand on the small of your back, he guides you back to the dressing room. In the corridor, Jungkook disappears to change into his street clothes, so you return to the dressing room to gather your supplies. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to crash,¡± you say to Arahae. ¡°I¡¯m exhausted.¡± ¡°Same,¡± she says. ¡°How do you like tour life so far?¡± Hobi asks. You smile, thinking about your answer. ¡°It¡¯s tiring but incredible.¡± ¡°Right?¡± Hobi smiles brightly. ¡°You¡¯re doing great for a first timer.¡± ¡°Thanks,¡± you say, blushing. ¡°I¡¯ve had a lot of help.¡± ¡°I have an idea! Who¡¯s up for private room karaoke tomorrow night?¡± Arahae asks the group. ¡°That sounds fun,¡± Namjoon says as he gathers his things. ¡°I¡¯m in,¡± Jin says. ¡°Then it¡¯s settled,¡± Arahae says. ¡°I¡¯ll book the room and whoever wants to join can.¡± You carry the items to the medical staff dressing room but stop when you hear voices echoing down the hallway from another room¡ªJungkook and Eunji¡¯s. ¡°It¡¯s my fault,¡± you hear Jungkook say. ¡°I wasn¡¯t thinking and got injured in a place she couldn¡¯t even be.¡± Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. There¡¯s a silence. ¡°I understand,¡± Eunji says. You hear footsteps and quickly walk across the hall. Making sure to have your back to the door, you put your work gear into your backpack. ¡°I¡¯d like to have a word.¡± You turn around to see Eunji standing in the doorway. Your stomach drops as you follow her into the room she must¡¯ve been in with Jungkook earlier. Sitting in one of the chairs, she motions for you to sit across from her. ¡°About today,¡± she says, ¡°I know there¡¯s nothing you could¡¯ve done to prevent it.¡± You want to feel hopeful, but dread lingers. ¡°Maybe now you can understand why we hired you.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°I need you to keep a closer eye on him. If following him everywhere is what it takes, then that¡¯s what it takes. The rest of the tour is at stake. Possibly his career, too, if he can¡¯t stay healthy and injury free. Don¡¯t let him out of your sight.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do better. I promise.¡± Her lips play at a smile. ¡°Careful about the promises you make when you¡¯re dealing with Jeon Jungkook.¡± You give a small smile, and she leans forward. ¡°About the fondness you two have for each other, I don¡¯t have a problem with it.¡± You stiffen and, despite your best efforts, blood rushes to your face. ¡°Neither does Chin-Hwa. Just don¡¯t let the public catch on. Always use discretion which I know you will. We can help you with that.¡± Unable to speak, you simply nod. She stands, offering a slight smile. ¡°See you tomorrow.¡± When she¡¯s gone, you stay seated letting the conversation sink in. Does everyone know? You replay Eunji¡¯s words and wonder if she really just gave you permission to have a thing with Jungkook. Walking back into BTS¡¯ dressing room to make sure you picked up all your supplies, you find Jimin and Taehyung laughing at Jungkook. ¡°He took the pain pill he was prescribed,¡± Taehyung says through laughter. ¡°Must¡¯ve been a solid dose. He¡¯s feeling much better now.¡± ¡°Good luck,¡± Jimin says, patting you on the shoulder on his way out with Tae. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s you,¡± Jungkook says when he sees you. ¡°I¡¯ve been looking for you.¡± He walks over to you. In the light, you notice his pupils are dilated. ¡°I keep meaning to tell you that you have pretty eyes.¡± He smiles. You laugh. ¡°How strong was that pain pill?¡± He waves a hand. ¡°Let¡¯s ride to the hotel together. We¡¯re going to the same place anyway, right?¡± Your heart quickens. You consider refusing, but you remember Eunji¡¯s words. Don¡¯t let him out of your sight. At this point, Jungkook in an altered state is a liability. ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s go.¡± Grabbing your backpack, you walk with him to an SUV waiting outside. You both climb in and sit in the back, sharing the bench seat. The car begins moving, and you look over at Jungkook as the street lights glide across his face. ¡°I had an interesting conversation with Eunji earlier,¡± you say, your heart leaping into your throat. ¡°Really? I told her it was my fault¨C¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t about that.¡± He looks confused. ¡°What was it about, then?¡± Your heart pounds wildly. ¡°It¡­¡± You swallow your words. ¡°Nevermind.¡± ¡°No, you were about to say something.¡± When he sees you keeping quiet, he unbuckles his seatbelt and slides closer to you. ¡°Tell me.¡± You look down. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Jas,¡± he says, placing a hand under your jaw and turning your face towards his. ¡°Tell me.¡± You cave. ¡°Eunji said I can¡¯t let you out of my sight.¡± He smirks. ¡°I¡¯d like that.¡± He releases his hand from your jaw and straightens. ¡°Anything else?¡± ¡°That her and Chin-Hwa don¡¯t have a problem with our¡­¡®fondness¡¯ for each other.¡± ¡°Is that what we¡¯re calling it?¡± You don¡¯t answer, but your eyes ask him what you can¡¯t find words for. He looks thoughtful. ¡°Before we go any further, there¡¯s something you should know about me.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that?¡± ¡°When I want someone, I want all of them. In every way.¡± He pauses as you process his words. ¡°And you¡¯re very good at giving yourself to me. Listening to me.¡± You know what he means. ¡°Have you done this before?¡± he asks. ¡°Yes.¡± He waits for you to continue, and you know there¡¯s no way you¡¯re getting out of it. You take a deep breath. ¡°I think it¡¯s always been what I¡¯ve wanted in relationships. I didn¡¯t realize that about myself until later for a lot of reasons, so I didn¡¯t know how to ask for it. I¡¯ve had a few experiences. Nothing serious.¡± You add in a soft voice, ¡°Nothing that feels as natural as this.¡± He gives a gratified smile. You¡¯re afraid of the answer, but the question burns you. ¡°What about you?¡± ¡°Idol life complicates a lot of things,¡± he says, choosing his words carefully. ¡°I¡¯ve found ways to get what I need. Temporary solutions. But I¡¯m looking for something different.¡± His eyes search yours. ¡°Something deeper.¡± ¡°So am I.¡± He giggles, burying his head in your neck. ¡°I feel good.¡± His warm breath tickles you. The SUV pulls up to a hotel that looks more like a castle. Jungkook grabs your backpack and you both get out. ¡°I¡¯ll walk you to your room,¡± he says. ¡°We¡¯re on the same floor, I think.¡± Walking through the bright lobby, you enter the elevator. It lurches upward, the air thickening as his dilated eyes linger on you. The doors open, and you both walk down the long hotel hallway close enough that your arms brush. ¡°This is me,¡± you say, stopping in front of the door. A corner of his mouth pulls upward. ¡°Sure you can¡¯t come to my room?¡± You giggle. ¡°You¡¯re high as hell. You need to sleep it off.¡± ¡°Damn.¡± He gives you the backpack. ¡°Remind me not to take these anymore.¡± ¡°Goodnight,¡± you say, smiling. ¡°Goodnight, Jas,¡± he says, walking away. As your card key clicks the door open, you look over your shoulder at Jungkook, and see him looking back at you. Hopelessly Soft morning light seeps in through the window, and you hear Arahae in the shower. You¡¯ve learned she¡¯s a natural early riser and sometimes sneaks out for a morning walk before you¡¯re awake. When you roll over onto your side and check your phone, butterflies whirl in your stomach. JK good morning Memories from last night come rushing back. Remembering the frank conversation between you makes you bury deeper into the covers. Last night, there was a part of you that tried to convince yourself that he was high and wouldn¡¯t remember anything in the morning. Even though you saw the sincerity in his eyes. Felt the weight of his words. Jasmine good morning sleep well? JK very let¡¯s go sightseeing before the concert Jasmine we¡¯re allowed to do that? JK as long as we¡¯re back in time for hair and makeup and you can¡¯t let me out of your sight, remember? Jasmine you¡¯re going to keep using this against me aren¡¯t you JK only if you want me to Smiling, you pull the covers over your face. Jasmine where are we going? JK hyde park and buckingham palace I¡¯ll tell the group chat Love Yourself Tour JK Jas and I are going to hyde park and buckingham palace who¡¯s going? Arahae squeals from inside the bathroom where she¡¯s getting dressed. ¡°Me!¡± RM getting ready now Jimin wait for me Tae me too someone wake Yoongi up Jimin I¡¯ll do it Hobi godspeed I¡¯ll be down in a sec RM your sacrifice will be remembered my brother Jin woke up to so many texts sounds fun You fling the covers off and change into your favorite fall street clothes. You¡¯re adding extra touches to your makeup in the mirror when Arahae comes out of the bathroom in a cute and casual warm outfit. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to go to Buckingham Palace,¡± she says. ¡°It¡¯s gorgeous. I¡¯ve always wanted to go there.¡± ¡°What¡¯s it like?¡± ¡°Like being transported back to a time when debuting, dance cards, and suitors were the most important things.¡± She laughs softly. ¡°Sometimes I wish courting was still mainstream. It feels like romance is dead.¡± You look over at Arahae. ¡°A fellow hopeless romantic, I take it?¡± She sighs. ¡°Maybe the most hopeless. I¡¯ve tried dating apps, but they¡¯re too dystopian. Gave me existential dread for months.¡± ¡°Yeah, they¡¯re pretty awful. But I¡¯ve seen you eyeing someone.¡± She waves a hand. ¡°He doesn¡¯t think of me that way. I mean, he¡¯s Park Jimin.¡± She looks down. ¡°I¡¯m just another girl from Seoul.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t be serious,¡± you say. She shrugs. You turn her to face her own reflection in the mirror. ¡°Look at you! You¡¯re kind, spontaneous, bubbly, and a little chaotic. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Jimin is crazy if he doesn¡¯t see that.¡± She smiles. ¡°Thanks. I needed that.¡± She studies you. ¡°I have to ask. What¡¯s going on between you and Jungkook? I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen him like this.¡± Your heart quickens. ¡°Like what?¡± She shoves you with her shoulder. ¡°Love drunk,¡± Arahae says, giggling. ¡°I mean, the way he pounced Doyun was wild. Even if he deserved it.¡± Heat spreads across your cheeks. ¡°To be honest, I don¡¯t really know.¡± You both grab your bags and head out of the room to the elevators. ¡°I know how I feel.¡± She taps the elevator button and waits for you to continue. ¡°Now that I¡¯m with him, I don¡¯t know if I can live without him.¡± This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. Arahae gives you a look of understanding, and you both step into the elevator. As the doors are closing, you hear footsteps running over. ¡°Wait!¡± A hand sticks between the doors causing them to reopen, revealing Jimin and Jungkook in cozy fall clothes. ¡°Speak of the devil,¡± Arahae says under her breath. ¡°I could say the same,¡± Jimin says, flashing a smile. You and Arahae exchange looks. ¡°Sobered up?¡± you ask Jungkook. ¡°Entirely.¡± You smile at him. ¡°Let¡¯s ride to Hyde Park together,¡± he says to Jimin and Arahae. ¡°Sure,¡± Arahae says. You walk out of the elevator through the lobby and into the London air. The sky is smeared with clouds and watery sunlight peeks through in a few places. Three black SUVs line the front of the hotel on the cobblestone street. Piling in the car, you and Jungkook take the back row and Jimin and Arahae fill the middle. The car pulls away, mazing through traffic. Jimin and Arahae start their own conversation in front of you. ¡°I hope you don¡¯t think any of what I said last night was untrue just because I took the pain pill,¡± Jungkook says in a low voice. You stay silent. ¡°I remember everything,¡± he says, looking into your eyes. ¡°And I meant it.¡± You break his gaze, your lips tugging at a smile. ¡°I wanted to make sure you knew that.¡± You look back at him. ¡°You don¡¯t waste time, do you?¡± ¡°Not when I know what I want.¡± ¡°What exactly do you want, Jeon Jungkook?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what I want to talk to you about. Later.¡± The SUV pulls up to the side of the road. Getting out of the car, you take in the weathered arches and columns forming the entrance to Hyde Park. The other members pour out of the cars and gather at the front. As you walk through the park, dry leaves crunch on the stone under your feet, and there¡¯s an edge to the crisp breeze. Autumn has painted every tree in shades of red, yellow, and orange. Manicured lawns stretch out around you and fountains trickle in the distance. ¡°It¡¯s even more beautiful than the pictures,¡± Taehyung says. Others agree. ¡°How are you guys holding up during the tour so far?¡± you ask them. ¡°Besides my stupid heel injury, I¡¯m loving it,¡± Jungkooks says. ¡°Tiring but worth every second,¡± Yoongi says. ¡°I was trying to get some more sleep until someone woke me up.¡± Jimin laughs. ¡°Jimin, how are you still alive?¡± Namjoon asks. ¡°I thought about ending him, but after some consideration, I came to the conclusion that it wouldn¡¯t be best for the group. So I decided to spare him,¡± Yoongi says offhandedly. ¡°This time.¡± You turn into a long stone road lined with towering, old oak trees. Underneath a canopy of yellow leaves, a hot cocoa stand rests. A sudden breeze armed with icy claws rakes through you, sending a shiver down your back as you realize the thin jacket you brought isn¡¯t going to be enough. ¡°Take it,¡± Jungkook says, shrugging his jacket off. Jin announces he¡¯s headed to the cocoa stand, and a few others follow. ¡°But¨C¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine,¡± he says. You know you can¡¯t argue with him when he gets like this. Resigned, you let him help you slip into his warm, oversized jacket. It smells like him, and you work to keep a clear hold on your thoughts as he walks over to the cocoa stand. ¡°So you were an ICU nurse, right?¡± Hoseok asks. ¡°I can¡¯t imagine what that must¡¯ve been like,¡± Namjoon says. Taehyung and Jin rejoin the group with drinks in hand. ¡°It¡¯s just like any other job¨Ccorporate overlords, paperwork, and dissatisfied customers.¡± Arahae laughs. ¡°Besides, if it got me here, maybe it was all worth it in the end.¡± You pause thoughtfully. ¡°What I can¡¯t imagine is being a trainee for years without any guarantee you¡¯d debut or be successful. The amount of work you put in before any return is incredible. Whenever I was going through dark times, I¡¯d listen to your music and remind myself that others have worked harder in more extreme circumstances than me only to still never give up on themselves and their dream.¡± You look down. ¡°It gave me hope things would get better for me, too.¡± ¡°Have they?¡± Namjoon asks. Jungkook returns to your side and hands you a cocoa. Your fingers fumble with an edge of Jungkook¡¯s jacket, a small smile touching your lips. ¡°I¡¯m here with all of you. I¡¯d say that¡¯s a huge improvement.¡± You take a sip of the sugary chocolate drink, feeling it warm you. ¡°Our lives are a special brand of crazy, but I think you¡¯re a pretty good addition,¡± Taehyung says, smiling. ¡°Can we go to the Buckingham Palace now?¡± Arahae pleads, adding a hint of aegyo. ¡°Who can say no when you ask like that,¡± Jimin says. Chatting happily, the group weaves its way out of Hyde Park and crosses the street to Buckingham Palace. The grand building is stamped into the landscape against the rolling dreary clouds. Pops of purples, blues, and whites spill across the immaculate front gardens. Standing in the large front plaza, a statue topped with a gold angel looms over you. ¡°Let¡¯s go!¡± Arahae says, pulling Jimin toward the Palace. Jimin laughs and lets her lead him. You hang back with the rest of the group, watching Arahe and Jimin run ahead. Passing through the large iron gates with the royal family crests and into Buckingham Palace, everyone meets in the first room. The Grand Entrance has a deep red carpet with statues and gold accents. You inhale sharply at the tasteful opulence of the Palace. ¡°I¡¯m going to the Picture Gallery,¡± Namjoon says. ¡°It¡¯s the Royal Family¡¯s art collection.¡± Yoongi and Hoseok follow him. Jin and Taehyung veer off on their own quest. With Jungkook at your side, you follow Arahae and Jimin forward up a small staircase to the most regal double staircase you¡¯ve ever seen. The glittering swirls of gold are contrasted by a deep brown bannister. The same soft red carpet lines the stairs with paintings and vases nestled into the walls. ¡°Oh my god,¡± Arahae breathes, looking around. Arahae grabs your hand and pulls you. ¡°Come on, we have to make our grand entrance!¡± You laugh as she drags you up the stairs. At the top, she stands at the crest of one staircase while you stand at the other. You pretend Jungkook¡¯s oversized jacket is an elegant gown, placing a hand on the bannister. Arahae clears her throat and lifts her chin. As you both descend the golden staircase, you lock eyes with Jungkook below. You match steps with Arahae, and a heavy silence cloaks the room. When you reach the bottom, you hold out a hand to Jungkook. Taking it, he says, ¡°Princess.¡± He bows and gently kisses your hand, letting his lips linger. Looking up at you, he straightens and holds his arm out. As you hook your arm in his, you hear Arahae laughing with Jimin. You both face the other couple. ¡°Now that we have the most beautiful women in all the realm, we shall drink, be merry, and live happily ever after,¡± Jimin announces. Arm in arm with Jungkook, you weave through ornate rooms dripping in gold and chandeliers until you come upon a long hallway with dusty pink walls and art hung on every surface. The arched glass ceiling lets natural light filter in to touch the plush cream rug extending the length of the room. Arahae and Jimin walk at their own pace around the room as you and Jungkook fall behind. You examine the art in silence, your footsteps echoing around the room until you see a landscape painting with delicate brushstrokes. The artist is so skilled, a soft light seems to emanate from the painting. ¡°It¡¯s beautiful,¡± you say. ¡°It is,¡± Jungkook says. When you turn to ask him a question, you see his gaze is set intently on you. Blushing, you look away. You hear Arahae and Jimin giggling from another room and follow the sound to the source. You come to a cavernous room drenched in red with chandeliers hanging above. Jimin and Arahae are engaged in a playful regency-inspired dance. Jungkook turns to you. ¡°Would you do me the honor of giving me your first dance?¡± he asks, holding his hand out. ¡°Unless there¡¯s someone else, princess.¡± ¡°There is no one else.¡± He smiles as he takes your hand. Placing your palm against his, you turn in a circle meeting his eyes. The room falls away. As you change directions, Jimin and Arahae bound over and cut in. Laughing, you switch partners and dance with Jimin. He flashes a full smile as you spin. You return to Jungkook, and he leans in. ¡°Let¡¯s get out of here,¡± he says. ¡°And go where?¡± He gives a mischievous smile before he grabs your hand and runs off with you. Running through the Palace, you hear a Royal Guard call out and begin chasing you. Jungkook curses, laughing. You hold tightly to him as he swiftly turns corners and flies through doorways, the extravagant Palace whirring around you. You burst through a door that spits you out into the cool, open air of a royal garden. He pulls you behind a row of tall hedges with a fountain in the middle. You both attempt to quiet your breathing as you hear the guard run outside. He places a hand over your mouth. The guard paces the area before giving up and walking back inside. Jungkook releases his hand and you both fall into laughter. Looking around, you see you¡¯re alone in the fragrant garden. ¡°I want to show you something,¡± he says. As you¡¯re walking next to him, he interlaces his hand with yours. Leading you across a lawn and between trees, you come to a secluded garden with rows of roses in red, orange, and pink, their sweet scent wafting through air. The scenery takes your breath away. Letting go of your hand, he faces you. ¡°I wanted to continue our conversation from earlier,¡± he says, brushing a strand of hair out of your face, ¡°about what I want.¡± ¡°Do tell.¡± He draws closer to you looking serious. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to stop thinking about you since I met you. And after I learned about your natural¡­inclinations,¡± he says, licking his lips, ¡°I feel like I¡¯m losing my mind.¡± Your heart pounds as you hold his intense gaze. ¡°I want you, Jasmine. All I need to know is if you¡¯re ready for something real with me. You¡¯ll be mine,¡± he says, taking his thumb and brushing it across your lips. ¡°Completely.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± you breathe. His soft lips are on yours and his hand is in your hair. As you kiss him, you press yourself against him and feel a hardness between his legs that stokes a fire in you. He opens his mouth, deepening the kiss, and slips his tongue in. Sliding your tongue against his, you push against his hard cock, your hands aching to roam where they want. A groan escapes him as one of his hands encircles your neck and tightens with gentle pressure. Droplets of water land on your face, and you both break away from the kiss breathless. As rain begins to pour, he kisses you again slowly and lightly. You run laughing with clasped hands through the gardens back to the entrance of Buckingham Palace. By the time you reach the SUV waiting out front, you¡¯re both drenched. Climbing into the back of the SUV, you see Arahe and Jimin running over smiling and soaked from the rain. Jungkook moves next to you, turning your face towards him. ¡°God, Jas,¡± he says in a low voice, his eyes full of need. ¡°I¡¯m going to have fun with you.¡± Closer You kneel in front of Jungkook where he sits in the empty dressing room, both of you still wet from the rain. The voices of BTS and the staff drift down the hall. Resting his foot on your knee, you get to work undoing the dressing to check his stitches. A few strands of wet hair fall in front of your face that he tucks behind your ear. You slow the unraveling to look up at him, his damp hair sticking to his face. ¡°The view is pretty good from up here,¡± he says, grinning and caressing the side of your face. Forgetting where you are, you close your eyes and lean into his hand. ¡°You¡¯re mine now.¡± You meet his gaze and an intense longing for him overtakes you. His eyes darken as he pushes his thumb between your parted lips and into your mouth. You close your lips around him and suck gently, hearing him curse. Approaching footsteps echo in the hallway. He slides his thumb out and leans back in the chair while you finish removing his dressing. Eunji appears in the doorway. ¡°How¡¯s the healing coming along?¡± she asks. Jungkook¡¯s face stays relaxed and neutral. ¡°The stitches are still fresh but holding up well,¡± you say in the most casual tone you can manage. Your voice still comes out an octave higher. ¡°Good. Make sure it stays that way.¡± She turns on her heels and leaves. When you¡¯re sure she¡¯s gone, you and Jungkook fall into a fit of giggles. ¡°We really should be more careful,¡± you say, drying his heel with several gauze squares. You place a new gauze over his stitches. Rewrapping the Kerlix, you seal off the fresh dressing and Jungkook removes his foot from your knee. He lets out an exasperated sigh. ¡°How am I going to keep my hands off you?¡± Still kneeling in front of him, you face him and place your hands on his knees, watching desire grow in his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll think of something.¡± You push yourself up to stand and turn to leave. A force from behind you yanks you back and down into his lap. He gives a satisfied grunt. Looking down, you see his fingers hooked around the belt loops of your jeans. His arms wrap around your waist. ¡°You know,¡± he says, his lips brushing your ear, ¡°you come off as sweet and innocent, but I¡¯m finding out just how bad you really are.¡± Your face turns a deep red, and he smiles. ¡°So you don¡¯t deny it.¡± You shift in his lap to face him, feeling a hardness beneath you. He lets out a small sound of approval. ¡°I am,¡± you say, locking eyes with him, ¡°for you.¡± His lips crash into yours, his kiss needy and desperate. Forcing his tongue into your mouth, he grabs a fistful of your jeans. You grind into his erection and open up to him. ¡°Shit,¡± you say, breaking away from the kiss. ¡°It¡¯s time for hair and make up. I can¡¯t get in trouble again.¡± You hesitate, and he pulls you in for another kiss. The passion growing, you laugh and push him against the chair. ¡°Jungkook, we have to go.¡± He sighs, releasing you. ¡°Fine. You go ahead. I have to¡­stay here for a few minutes.¡± ¡°We can resume this later,¡± you say on your way out. ¡°Not helping,¡± he calls after you. Smiling, you return to the medical staff dressing room and take out the work uniform you packed for the concert in your backpack. You peel off your clothes and change into dry ones. As you¡¯re folding your wet clothes, Arahae appears in her work uniform toweling off her hair. ¡°Oh, hey. Where did you and Jungkook run off to?¡± Arahae asks. ¡°We were chased by a royal guard.¡± Arahae¡¯s eyebrows raise. ¡°Yeah, it was crazy. Somehow we lost him outside. Then we found the rose garden and¡­we kissed.¡± ¡°Oh my god!¡± Arahae runs over and slams you with a hug. ¡°Wait.¡± She steps back. ¡°So are you guys dating now?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± You smile broadly and look down. ¡°I think so.¡± ¡°Oh my god! ¡± She squeezes you with another hug and spins around while you laugh. You borrow the towel from her to dry your own hair. ¡°What did you and Jimin end up doing?¡± ¡°Oh, nothing like that. We wandered around talking a lot and looking at the art.¡± She blushes and says softly, ¡°It was nice dancing with him.¡± ¡°Are you sure he¡¯s not into you?¡± ¡°He¡¯s like that with everyone.¡± She shakes her head. ¡°Libra men.¡± Doyun enters the room, and Arahae makes an excuse to leave. ¡°Hey,¡± he says, ¡°I wanted to talk.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± You brace yourself. ¡°I just wanted to say¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡± Oh. He continues, ¡°I took it pretty hard when Eunji removed Jungkook from my supervision. You should¡¯ve seen how mad she was.¡± He winces at the memory. ¡°All I want is to make her proud to have me on her team. After that, I felt like a failure. I took that out on you. It wasn¡¯t right.¡± He looks away. ¡°I just hope you¡¯re not my replacement.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t expecting that.¡± You think over his words. ¡°If I¡¯m really your replacement, then she would¡¯ve trained me to be responsible for more members. Right now, Jungkook is all I can handle. Trust me, she knows that.¡± Doyun cracks a smile. ¡°Well, I hope we can start over.¡± ¡°I¡¯d like that.¡± He sticks out a hand and you shake on it. ¡°See you out there,¡± he says, leaving. Stunned, you dig your makeup bag from your backpack and carry it into BTS¡¯ dressing room full of staff and the members getting ready. Weaving your way through people, you make your way to Jungkook and set your makeup bag down on the vanity counter. His hair is dry, and his subtle makeup enhances his natural features in his prince-inspired outfit. ¡°So,¡± you say, dragging a chair over, ¡°Doyun just apologized.¡± You face the mirror next to his and begin reapplying the makeup that was washed away by the rain. Jungkook crosses his arms. ¡°Good. I don¡¯t want to have more problems with him.¡± You weren¡¯t used to people giving apologies, much less sincere ones. A smile forms as you brush blush across your cheeks. You finish the last touches on your makeup and someone announces there¡¯s ten minutes before IDOL. You walk through the dim metal tunnel created by silver scaffolding to the lowered center stage platform. While the others get last minute touch-ups underneath the stage, uneasiness creeps into Jungkook¡¯s eyes. ¡°Hey,¡± you say, taking his hand. ¡°They love you, and you¡¯ll heal. This is temporary.¡± A small smile pulls at his lips, and he squeezes your hand. ¡°I¡¯ll be thinking of you,¡± he says. A production staff member calls one minute to IDOL. Jungkook releases your hand and sits in his designated chair for the concert as his members get in their places on the platform. Joining Doyun and Arahae, you watch the platform rise into the cavernous arena with screaming fans. ? ? ? The members enter the dressing room breathing heavily after the encore. Jungkook sinks into his usual spot in front of the mirror next to you. You study him. ¡°I¡¯m surprised,¡± you say. ¡°At what?¡± he asks, taking a drink of water. ¡°At how closely you¡¯re following Dr. Kang¡¯s instructions.¡± The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. He looks amused. ¡°You think I can¡¯t follow instructions?¡± You laugh. ¡°No, but I was expecting a little more resistance.¡± He pauses. ¡°After my heel injury, I realized how quickly all this can be taken away. And how I needed to start taking things more seriously in my life.¡± ¡°Not too seriously, I hope. But you are making my job a little easier.¡± ¡°Just wait till my heel heals. Then we¡¯ll see how ¡®easy¡¯ this is for you.¡± You fight a smile forming at the vague threat. He stands. ¡°I¡¯m going to change then you¡¯re riding with me to karaoke.¡± He doesn¡¯t wait for a response before walking off. Namjoon appears in his street clothes. ¡°That crowd was amazing,¡± he says. ¡°I¡¯m ready to go out. They¡¯ve got me fired up.¡± You feed off of his energy. ¡°Same. I need to blow off some steam.¡± Arahae stands in the doorway. ¡°Hurry up! The reservation starts soon and we can¡¯t be late.¡± Grabbing your makeup bag, you carry it into the medical staff room and pack it into your backpack. You sling your backpack over your shoulder and wait in the hallway for Jungkook. Doyun passes you. ¡°Hey,¡± you hear yourself saying. He turns to you, and you hesitate. ¡°Um, are you coming with us to the private room karaoke?¡± You¡¯re doing what you¡¯ve always done¡ªtrying to win over people that don¡¯t like you. Besides, you don¡¯t see any reason to exclude him. You know what that feels like. His eyes widen, and he quickly switches to a neutral expression. ¡°Yeah, that sounds fun.¡± You give him a cautious smile. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll text you the address.¡± He nods. ¡°Cool.¡± You pull out your phone to text him, and he leaves. Jungkook appears by your side as you send the text to Doyun. You walk out to the black SUV waiting outside and slide in as Jungkook gets in on the other side. He takes the middle seat next to you. ¡°I was thinking,¡± Jungkook says as the car leaves the arena, ¡°I need to take you out on a date.¡± ¡°Really?¡± You hate how that sounded coming out. ¡°Yes. You deserve that,¡± he says, a glint of warmth you haven¡¯t yet seen in his eyes, ¡°and so much more.¡± Heat rises to your face, and you look down. He smiles. ¡°If you¡¯re going to be with me, you need to get used to being taken care of.¡± You look back up at him. ¡°That might be hard for me. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever had that before.¡± Who cares for the caretaker? His eyebrows knit together, and he pulls you into his arms. ¡°That¡¯s all in the past. This is now,¡± he says into your hair. You relax into him. As you listen to his breathing and the sounds of the car, a feeling you don¡¯t recognize stirs deep within you. Tears prick your eyes. ¡°Jas, I know you have your guard up. I want you to give yourself over to me entirely.¡± That strange feeling comes on so strongly that it overwhelms you as he strokes your hair. ¡°Can you do that for me?¡± You hesitate, a twinge of fear running through you. Then, you recognize it. You know what that foreign feeling flooding your whole body is¡ªsecurity. ¡°Yes.¡± I hope I can. I want to. He separates you from him, that same warmth shining in his eyes. ¡°Good girl.¡± You come undone. He chuckles softly, eating up your reaction. You lose control, kissing him hard. As your tongue explores his mouth, your hand slides up his thigh higher and higher. He breaks the kiss, and snaps your hand away with a tight grip on your wrist. ¡°Don¡¯t,¡± he warns. ¡°If you do that, I won¡¯t be able to control what happens next.¡± Your eyes beg him. ¡°I need you.¡± He kisses you again, gently biting your lip. ¡°God, you¡¯re so hot. But not here. Not now.¡± He pulls you into his arms again. You settle into him, listening to his unruly heart. As you both calm, your breathing evens out and yellow light from the road rolls across you. I am safe. For once, you actually believe it. The SUV pulls up along the curb of a multi-level building. You both get out, and Jungkook holds the door open for you. Inside, you see the others standing at the entrance of what looks more like a nightclub than a karaoke bar. The hostess smiles widely. ¡°Right this way.¡± She leads the group to a room lined with red neon lights and long leather couches facing a screen. A row of microphones rest on a table next to the screen. ¡°You can enter your orders on the iPad in the room. Enjoy.¡± Everyone settles into the couches. ¡°I¡¯m so glad we did this,¡± Hobi says. ¡°Let¡¯s put in our drink orders first,¡± Namjoon says. ¡°I need to get lubricated.¡± ¡°Same,¡± you say. ¡°Very lubricated.¡± ¡°Whiskey shot, anyone?¡± Yoongi asks. You make a face. ¡°Pass. I prefer vodka.¡± He laughs. ¡°Suit yourself.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do a vodka shot with you!¡± Arahae says. Namjoon takes everyone¡¯s order and enters it into the iPad. Jimin and Jungkook decide to take a whiskey shot with Yoongi. Namjoon, Doyun, Tae, and Hobi join the vodka shot train. Jin orders a gin and tonic. ¡°Last time we did this, Namjoon ended up hogging the mic and singing our songs. I think he was blackout,¡± Jimin says, laughing. You smile. ¡°Should make for an interesting night, then.¡± ¡°What kind of songs do you like to sing?¡± Arahae asks. ¡°Anything as long as I¡¯m not by myself.¡± The waitress returns and sets a tray down on a table by the door. Jin hands out the drinks. Once drinks are in hand, everyone raises their glass. A chorus of ¡°Wonsyat!¡± rings out. You down the clear liquor, a smooth burn stinging on the way down. ¡°I¡¯ll go first,¡± Tae says. He jumps up and grabs a mic. He tests the settings on the mic, and Jimin rolls his eyes. You and Arahae stifle giggles. He programs the song, a moody ballad. As his smooth, deep baritone fills the room, Jungkook snakes an arm around you. Your stomach fills with butterflies as you catch glances from some of the hyungs. A warmth grows in your abdomen as you start to feel the effects of the shot. Namjoon twirls his pointer finger in a circular motion to ask if everyone wants another round. You and Jungkook nod along with the others. Tae closes his eyes and sways as his voice easily glides through the soulful melody. When the song fades, everyone cheers and he bows with a flourish. ¡°Yoongi, do a song with me,¡± Jimin says. ¡°Let me do another shot first.¡± The waitress deposits another tray of shots. Everyone takes theirs and raises it. You drain your glass with the others. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go!¡± Yoongi says, standing. The warmth within you grows as you sink into the crook of Jungkook¡¯s arm. He smiles at you. The song starts and you immediately recognize it: Tony Montana. Before you can contain yourself, you scream like an ARMY which makes Jimin and Yoongi laugh. They jump around, rowdy and free. When it gets to Jimin¡¯s rap, he flips his jacket off his shoulder and throws hand gestures. They finish the song laughing and yelling some of the lyrics. ¡°What else do you want to drink?¡± Jungkook asks, tightening his arm around you. ¡°I¡¯ll take a vodka cranberry.¡± He tells Namjoon who enters it into the iPad. Arahae turns to you. ¡°Let¡¯s do a song together!¡± You get nervous. ¡°What song?¡± ¡°Do you have a song you usually sing?¡± You think for a moment. ¡°Do you know ¡®Woman¡¯ by Shania Twain?¡± You were raised on the iconic Shania, and if there was any song you could nail in karaoke, it was this one. ¡°Of course I do!¡± As you both walk up the front, your heart rises into your throat. The waitress sets another tray of drinks down, and you grab your vodka cranberry. You take a long gulp to calm your nerves and set it down. It helps. The brazen courage from the alcohol smothers your good sense, and you pick up a microphone, trying not to think about who¡¯s sitting in the audience. The music starts, and your limbs are stiff. Arahae dances around, making you laugh, and you let yourself get swept away by the music. You dance with her and vibe with the others who are sitting. You end the song with your fist in the air, and Arahae strikes a pose. Cheering and clapping erupt from the couches, and you take your place next to Jungkook. Handing you the red drink, he whispers, ¡°You¡¯re so cute,¡± into your ear. Blushing, you smile and take another drink. He sips on a light beer. ¡°My turn.¡± Namjoon stands. ¡°You too,¡± he says, pulling a smiling Hobi with him. He takes a mic and hands Hobi one. ¡°I think you¡¯ll know this one.¡± Cypher 4 plays, and you swallow another scream. Jungkook smiles at your excitement and sneaks his arm back around you. Hobi and Namjoon give an over-the-top rendition. When it¡¯s time for Yoongi¡¯s part, Tae runs up and raps into Hobi¡¯s mic. You laugh so hard your sides hurt, falling onto Jungkook. When you recover, he says, ¡°Sing a song with me.¡± You take another pull from your drink. ¡°Let¡¯s do a duet.¡± ¡°Exactly what I was thinking. Do you know the song ¡®No Air¡¯?¡± You laugh, the warmth spreading throughout your body. ¡°Wow, that¡¯s a throwback and yes, I absolutely do.¡± He clinks his glass against yours and takes a drink from his beer. You both walk to the front and pick up mics. The R&B beat comes in, and some of the others yell. Taking the first verse, you sing to Jungkook. He joins in, and you both give a comically dramatic performance. The chorus peaks, and Jungkook drops to his knees and reaches up to the sky. Hobi and Jimin double over with laughter, and you can hardly sing your part. When the song ends, the members yell and clap. As you both take your seats on the couch, Jin takes the mic. He chooses a light pop ballad, and you cozy up to Jungkook. Jin¡¯s clear, soft voice soothes the room, and you feel how long the day has been. The song builds and wanes, and you cheer with the others when it ends. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen,¡± Namjoon says, wearing shades you didn¡¯t know he had, ¡°it¡¯s time for me to head out. It¡¯s been real.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not a bad idea,¡± Taehyung says, yawning. ¡°We have to fly to Amsterdam tomorrow.¡± Others stand and stretch, agreeing with them. RM salutes the room and walks towards the exit. Following the others out, you get into the SUV with Jungkook. ¡°It was nice to see you have fun,¡± he says, smiling. The car pulls away. ¡°This has been one of the best days I¡¯ve ever had. I don¡¯t want it to end.¡± He kisses you lightly, and a need grows in you as you taste the beer he was drinking. Breaking away, he pulls you in close to him. You ride to the hotel in his arms. Getting out of the car, you grab your backpack and walk into the hotel with him. He interlaces his hand with yours as you wait for the elevator in the lobby. The doors open, and you get on. As the elevator ascends, he kisses you again. The doors open, and you walk down the hallway until you get to your room. He kisses you harder this time, pushing his hips into you. ¡°Sleep well.¡± ¡°Goodnight, Jungkook.¡± Secrets (Your Fire) You fly first class to Amsterdam next to Jungkook, sharing headphones and switching between napping and listening to music. From the window, the city looks like a web woven by canal waters dusted in autumn colors. You update Nikki as much as you can. When it¡¯s time to walk through the airport, you hang back with the rest of the medical staff. Nothing could prepare you for the bright lights flashing and screams, and you pull down your newly purchased bucket hat to hide your identity. In The Grand hotel, a historic brick building surrounded by cobblestone, you flop on one of the beds ready to take a much needed rest day. It¡¯s been nonstop since you joined the tour, hardly giving you time to adjust. Checking your phone, you see a picture of your dad in Spain on social media. Your mom has shared several vague quotes about the love between a mother and daughter. You close the app. ¡°I¡¯m exhausted,¡± you say to Arahae as she puts her luggage away. ¡°I know. I think I¡¯m going to crash. Yesterday was a lot.¡± She changes into comfortable clothes and cocoons into the other twin bed. She turns on the TV, and soon you hear her breathing deeply. Rolling over, you see a text. JK come to my room Jasmine how romantic JK just come here Getting out of bed, you change into comfortable loungewear. You touch up your makeup, but not too much that he would notice. Heart quickening, you feel like you¡¯re sneaking around at church camp as you pad down the hallway and knock on his door. Jungkook opens it and lets you in. He¡¯s changed out of his travel clothes into sweatpants and a t-shirt. ¡°Since we have tomorrow off, I want to take you out,¡± he says, leading you to sit on the couch with him. ¡°I¡¯ve already planned some things, but I¡¯m open to where the night takes us.¡± He grins, his mischievous side returning. ¡°We¡¯ll start with a private canal cruise. And wear comfortable shoes.¡± You smile. ¡°I think I can manage that.¡± He pauses, looking thoughtful. ¡°I keep meaning to ask. How have your dreams been lately? Any nightmares?¡± Surprised by the question, you search for words. ¡°No, not really. But they never fully go away. I can have a string of good days, then out of nowhere, I wake up pouring sweat.¡± His brow furrows, and you take his hand. ¡°Thank you for asking. It means a lot.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± He pulls you close, cradling you into his chest and stretching out on the couch. ¡°Let me know if there¡¯s anything I can do.¡± You remember so many nights being alone, waking up alone. Fighting your demons alone. Those nights fade into nothingness, hurting a little less. ¡°Being here is enough.¡± The tension in his face eases, and he kisses you gently. When he breaks away, his eyes glint with desire. ¡°All this time and no schedules to keep us apart. I wonder how we¡¯ll make use of it,¡± he says, smirking. ¡°I can think of a few things.¡± As he kisses you, you wrap around him. ¡°Wait,¡± you say. ¡°I¡¯ve been wondering¡­How did you know?¡± ¡°Know what?¡± You blush, forcing the words out. ¡°That I¡¯m submissive.¡± ¡°Some people have those vibes if you know what to look for. It¡¯s not accurate all the time but pretty close.¡± ¡°What was it about me?¡± ¡°It¡¯s hard to put into words. I knew from the first moment I saw you what you are. When I woke up on that airport floor, my head hurt like hell, but I could see straight through that nurse act you pull.¡± You stiffen. ¡°What?¡± ¡°You were so cute trying to be brave. You act all tough and on top of everything, but inside you¡¯re dying for someone like me to tell you what to do.¡± He caresses your face. ¡°Lead you. Protect you. Someone to give yourself to.¡± You feel laid bare. Your mind races going over the years it took to create that version of yourself and the experiences that shaped it. He saw through all of it in an instant. ¡°I know I¡¯m right. Say it,¡± he orders. ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± you say softly. ¡°Go on.¡± You swallow. ¡°You¡¯re right¡­about everything. There¡¯s a part of me I created to survive, but it¡¯s not who I really am. I¡¯m afraid of it taking over completely.¡± Your eyes search his. ¡°What if it does?¡± ¡°It won¡¯t as long as you have someone to remind you who you are. Those parts of ourselves serve a purpose, but they need limits. You can¡¯t let the world steal your softness.¡± He runs his hand over your hair. ¡°I won¡¯t let it.¡± As tears burn your eyes, you kiss him. ¡°I know what you need,¡± he says against your lips. Kissing him deeply, your tongue finds his as you press against him. His hands run over your thighs and squeeze your ass. You slide your hands under his shirt, running across his muscled chest and down his abs. As you kiss his neck, his breath quickens when you slip a few fingers in his waistband. He kisses you hard, the passion growing. You stay like that for so long that you lose track of time as you run your hands over his body and grind into his erection. His hands roam you, occasionally grabbing your ass and pressing you into him. Eventually, he spoons you, and with his arms holding you close and warm breath on your neck, you fall asleep. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. ? ? ? ¡°He¡¯s going to die when he sees you,¡± Arahae says as you adjust your short black dress in the mirror. Since yesterday, Jungkook has consumed your thoughts, and counting down the hours to this date was agonizing. ¡°You think so?¡± you say, smiling. ¡°I¡¯m so nervous.¡± ¡°Why? Use your charms and blow him away,¡± she says, waving her arm. ¡°Or just blow him.¡± ¡°Arahae!¡± She laughs. ¡°What? I¡¯m giving a little advice, woman to woman. You never know what can happen. It¡¯s Amsterdam.¡± You slip on a pair of thigh high boots with a modest heel. ¡°He was a little cryptic about the date. We¡¯re going on a canal cruise and hen he said we¡¯ll ¡®see where the night takes us.¡¯¡± ¡°That¡¯s code!¡± ¡°For what exactly?¡± You put on the sapphire earrings that match the tasteful pendant resting on your chest. ¡°There¡¯s a lot of places to explore in this city,¡± she says, winking. ¡°That¡¯s all I¡¯m going to say.¡± You look over at her. ¡°Did he say something to you?¡± ¡°Nope. I have a natural sense for these things.¡± You both laugh, and you forget how nervous you are for a moment. As more time passes, you pull on your leather jacket and pace the room. You touch up your lips in the mirror and check your false eyelashes. ¡°Jasmine, calm down,¡± Arahae says, grinning from where she sits on her bed. ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± you say, taking a drink of water to remedy your parched mouth. ¡°I really, really like him.¡± You flap your jacket to dry the sweat. ¡°Well, at least sit¨C¡± There¡¯s a knock on the door. You freeze mid jacket flap, your heart rising to your throat. ¡°Is that him?¡± Arahae asks. ¡°Yes,¡± you say hoarsely. She gets up and pushes you towards the door. ¡°Have a great time!¡± Your hand grabs the handle. Opening the door, Jungkook stands in a black button down with a silver chain around his neck. His black blazer and pants look tailored to him perfectly. His eyes widen. ¡°Hi,¡± he says. ¡°Hi.¡± He holds out his arm, and you take it. In the elevator, he stares at you. ¡°You look incredible,¡± he says. ¡°So do you.¡± He¡¯s quieter than usual in the car. ¡°So,¡± you say, breaking the silence, ¡°we¡¯re going on a canal cruise first?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± You nod, reminding yourself how to breathe then overthinking it. The SUV stops at a small port. Jungkook opens the door for you, and you take his hand as you get out. Walking on cobblestone to the canal under the streetlights, a sleek, luxurious boat with wood accents waits in the water. You climb into the boat and make your way to the plush seats in the back. There¡¯s a door separating the driver from the back of the boat, and the roof disappears over the seating area, exposing you to the crisp air. A vase of roses rests on a table with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. A candle illuminates the space. As Jungkook fills your glass, the boat begins moving and drifts along the water. Brick buildings and trees in bright fall colors line the canal. The moon and stars peek through a cloudy sky. Handing you a glass, Jungkook sits next to you. ¡°You arranged this?¡± you ask. ¡°Yes,¡± he says. ¡°Thank you. It¡¯s beautiful.¡± ¡°I would do a lot more for you.¡± You blush, and he raises his glass. ¡°To where the night takes us.¡± You repeat the toast as your glasses clink, and you sip the bold wine under the stars. You decide to ask a burning question. ¡°Have you always been so¡­¡± You search for the right word. ¡°Dominant?¡± He smiles. ¡°I had to grow into it, but it¡¯s always been inside me.¡± He sips his wine. ¡°Just as you¡¯ve been searching for someone like me, I¡¯ve been looking for someone like you. That look in your eyes when you submit to me is heaven. I can see you going to a place where you feel cherished, and it makes me feel good that I¡¯m giving that to you. It¡¯s incredibly hot.¡± He pauses. ¡°I want more.¡± Fear runs through you until it¡¯s replaced by excitement and curiosity. ¡°I want that, too.¡± He leans over and kisses you. Buildings and trees glide by as you float down the canal. He digs for something inside his blazer. ¡°I brought a little treat.¡± He opens a tin box holding two joints. You smoked in college, but haven¡¯t gotten high in a while. ¡°When in Rome,¡± he says with a cheshire grin. You laugh. ¡°You¡¯re full of surprises.¡± He lights a joint. Smoke billows out of his mouth under the moonlight and rises into the stars. You take the joint from him and inhale. Holding it in for a moment, you feel a familiar burn in your lungs that brings back memories. On the exhale, you try a French inhale. Jungkook smiles and takes another drag from the joint. You start to feel as if you¡¯re floating. ¡°I think I¡¯m already high,¡± you say giggling. ¡°Lightweight.¡± You playfully shove him, and he laughs. He holds the joint up to your lips. ¡°This can make a lot of things feel good,¡± he says. You take another pull and blow the smoke in his face. Taking another hit, he leans in close and shotguns the smoke into your mouth. You kiss as the smoke dissipates, your tongues meeting. You drape a leg over his lap, and his hand moves to your exposed thigh. Breaking away, you lean your head back on the seat cushion and look up at the stars. Lovely tingles course through you as you think you can see into infinity. ¡°Okay, now I¡¯m definitely high.¡± When you look back, you catch him staring at your chest and break into giggles. He takes another drag, his eyes glassy. ¡°I need to know what you like.¡± ¡°I know what you¡¯re doing.¡± You poke his chest. ¡°You¡¯re getting me high so I¡¯ll tell you all my secrets.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not such a bad plan,¡± he says. You smile broadly. He rolls the sapphire pendant in his fingers, grazing your breasts. ¡°I already have a few things figured out,¡± he says, smirking. ¡°Praise. Choking.¡± Your thoughts glitch, his light touches on your chest electric. ¡°I like a lot of things,¡± you say absently. ¡°Tell me what you like, Jas.¡± His eyes shine with hunger, and the command pulls you back. ¡°You¡¯re mine now. There¡¯s nothing to hide.¡± ¡°Rope.¡± He smiles. ¡°Good. Tell me more.¡± ¡°Orgasm control. Begging.¡± His eyes darken. He gives up the act of playing with your necklace as he palms your breasts. ¡°Keep going. I know there¡¯s more.¡± ¡°Sensory deprivation. But my favorite thing is¡­your domination.¡± ¡°Now you get to see what good girls get.¡± He licks your chest and pulls the neckline of your dress down. You¡¯re worried someone will see, but when his mouth is on your nipple, you don¡¯t care anymore. Small sounds escape you as he cups your breasts and runs his tongue from one nipple to the other. He fixes your dress and trails kisses up to your jaw. He kisses you deeply. ¡°I know another place we can go.¡± Transparency A red-eyed Jungkook holds open a heavy wooden door. Inside, vines creep up the walls and hang from the ceiling with eclectic chandeliers. Animal print mixes with jungle florals on the cushioned chairs. ¡°Where are we?¡± you ask. ¡°It¡¯s called ¡®Secret Garden.¡¯¡± Taking your hand, he leads you past a tall indoor tree and greets the hostess. You follow the hostess, winding through the synthetic forest. You pass a giant birdcage housing an exotic bird and wonder if it¡¯s real. It feels like an eternity before she seats you at a corner table with plants seeping out of the walls around it. You stare at the menu and try to make sense of it. Realizing your struggle, you look across the table at Jungkook. ¡°You,¡± you say, pointing a finger. ¡°Yes?¡± he asks with a crooked smile. ¡°You planned this.¡± ¡°I did.¡± You giggle and take off your jacket. The waitress comes back, and Jungkook orders two glasses of wine. When she walks away, you stare at each other then giggle some more. ¡°I think this is when I¡¯m supposed to ask how many siblings you have,¡± he says. ¡°Is that what you want to ask me?¡± you ask. ¡°No.¡± The waitress returns, placing two wine glasses on the table and taking your food order. ¡°I¡¯d much rather,¡± he says when the waitress leaves, ¡°you tell me what you want me to know about you.¡± You think for a moment, and the words flow out before you can analyze them. ¡°I was raised with a set of rules I grew up to discover are meaningless. Life is so much more complex than someone¡¯s arbitrary definitions of right and wrong. I shaped my life around cherry-picked half truths from a book that¡¯s been mistranslated so many times that it¡¯s lost its meaning completely. It took me a long time to unlearn the brainwashing that kept me afraid of everything¡ªsexuality, power, independence. All things a woman can¡¯t have and should never enjoy. I distanced myself from that environment, and I started to hear my own thoughts. One by one, I broke all those silly rules.¡± You sip your wine and smile. ¡°Even though I don¡¯t believe in hell, I like to think I¡¯m going there when I die.¡± ¡°You and me both,¡± he says, smiling. ¡°I prefer being with someone who makes their own way in life because I¡¯ve had to do the same.¡± The waitress returns with the food. You both take a few bites in silence enjoying the flavors as the silverware clinks against the plates. ¡°Did you go to college?¡± he asks. You nod. ¡°What was it like?¡± Memories of your college years flood your mind. ¡°You have the most freedom you¡¯ve ever had but are under so much pressure to figure out the career you¡¯re going to have for the rest of your life. Expectations that have been built up for years come to a head. You walk around constantly questioning if you¡¯re making the right choices. Lots of confusion. Lots of partying to soothe it. The next morning, all the same problems are still there except now you have a headache. Then you graduate.¡± ¡°Something tells me I¡¯d do well in an environment like that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯re kind of a fuck boy.¡± ¡°Kind of? I¡¯m hurt.¡± Smiling, you take a few more bites of your food. As you chew, your mind drifts to other important things you should probably talk about on a date. ¡°I don¡¯t want kids,¡± you hear yourself say. ¡°I never have.¡± ¡°Good,¡± he says after swallowing a bite. ¡°I¡¯m not sure if I want them, either.¡± Relief runs through you. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s just like you said earlier about growing up with a set of rules that are meaningless. They¡¯re a choice, not a requirement. People should be allowed to make up their own minds about such a big decision.¡± You beam. ¡°Exactly.¡± ¡°Besides, I don¡¯t see my life slowing down any time soon.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want it to.¡± He smiles across the table at you, and the waitress takes your plates. A group of wait staff bursts through a pair of doors hidden by vines, clapping and singing. One of them holds a slice of cake with a sparkler in it, and you wonder what¡¯s being celebrated. Turning back to Jungkook, he sits across you with a corner of his mouth pulled upward. The song seems to be getting louder. You turn around and see the group of smiling waiters heading your direction. You whip back around to Jungkook who¡¯s giggling now. ¡°What did you do?¡± you ask. ¡°I told them it was your birthday,¡± he says, his shoulders shaking. Clapping and singing surrounds you as complete strangers wish you a happy birthday, and Jungkook joins in. Some of the other customers turn around and stare while you shrink into your seat. Jungkook can¡¯t contain his amusement as they set the chocolate cake and sparkler in front of you. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. Finally, the torment ends with a cheer from the staff, and you thank them. Jungkook takes out his phone and snaps a picture of you with your cake obtained through deceit. When he¡¯s done, you throw your napkin at him as the sparkler fizzles out. ¡°Really, Jungkook?¡± you say, feigning annoyance. ¡°But you¡¯re so cute when you¡¯re nervous,¡± he says, catching his breath. You narrow your eyes at him as he pays for the meal. He smiles. ¡°At least take one bite.¡± He sinks his fork into the cake and holds it out for you. You look at him as you put your mouth on the fork and slide it off, inciting the desired effect in him. He dips a finger in the thick chocolate icing. ¡°Try this.¡± You take his finger into your mouth and suck it clean. His breath catches when you swirl your tongue. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to stop thinking about that mouth.¡± ¡°So use it.¡± ¡°Maybe I will.¡± You bask in his desire. ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± he says, standing. ¡°More secret plans?¡± you ask as he helps you slip into your leather jacket. ¡°Possibly. Only because I¡¯m having so much fun.¡± Taking his hand, he pulls you through a maze of tables, plants, and past the birdcage. If you weren¡¯t holding on to him, you¡¯d never make it out. Your feet return to the cobblestone streets outside, and the cold air sharpens your senses. Smaller clouds roll through, allowing larger pieces of a starry sky to be seen. Settling into the SUV, Jungkook tells the driver another address. Tingles from your high spread through your body, and you nestle into the crook of his arm. With a finger under your chin, he tilts your head up to look at him. ¡°Jas, I want to know something.¡± Delicious authority laces his voice. ¡°Have you touched yourself to me?¡± Blushing, you hold eye contact. ¡°Yes,¡± you say quietly. His lips press back into a smirk and eyes darken. ¡°How many times?¡± You hesitate and watch as a fire blazes in his eyes. His hand grips your jaw. ¡°Don¡¯t make me ask again.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve lost count.¡± He gives a gratified smile. ¡°Now, you don¡¯t get to cum until I say so. Understand?¡± You feel so possessed by him that you can¡¯t speak, so you nod. ¡°That¡¯s my girl.¡± With his hand around your neck, he kisses you with restrained passion. The car stops in front of a tall rectangular building with a brightly lit platform at the top. You side eye Jungkook, and he laughs. At the top, the lights burn your eyes until they adjust. You can make out a large metal contraption and a sign that says ¡°OverTheEdge: Europe¡¯s Highest Swing.¡± Your stomach drops. ¡°Oh no,¡± you say, faltering. You take a step back. He faces you, grabbing your hands. ¡°You can do this. Good girls get rewards, remember?¡± He smirks. Your mind races with possibilities, and you curse. ¡°This isn¡¯t fair.¡± ¡°I never said it was.¡± He chuckles, pulling you toward the metal swing. He pays for two tickets, and you start trembling as you both climb into the seats. An employee secures you into the chair, and you¡¯re lifted into the air. ¡°Damn you, Jungkook,¡± you say, white-knuckling the poles on either side of you. He laughs and holds a hand out. You interlace your hand with his as your heart pounds. The swing lurches forward, and the ground falls away underneath you leaving your feet dangling above canal waters far below. You squeeze your eyes shut. Jungkook laughs, clearly enjoying himself. The darkness is even more disorienting, so you snap them open again. After a few swings, you notice notice how quiet it is up so high, and take in the skyline of Amsterdam. Little glimmers of light float along the canal waters, and your grip loosens on the pole. ¡°Not so bad, right?¡± Jungkook asks. ¡°It¡¯s really nice up here. I feel like I¡¯m flying,¡± you say, reaching out to try to capture an orb of light between your fingers. ¡°How are you so fearless?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that I never feel fear. I do. When I feel fear, I view it as a challenge to conquer it. Prove that I¡¯m stronger than my fear.¡± ¡°Do you have any idea how hot that is?¡± He smiles broadly. ¡°It¡¯s just who I am.¡± The swing slows down and comes to a stop, lowering to the platform. He puts an arm around you as you both walk away from the mechanical swing. In front of the building, he walks up to the SUV passenger window, and the driver rolls it down. ¡°We¡¯ll meet you back here in a little bit,¡± Jungkook says to the driver. He hails a bike taxi and tells the driver to go to an address. ¡°Should I even ask where we¡¯re going?¡± you ask, sitting on the bench at the back of the bike. ¡°No,¡± he says with a mischievous grin. The bike picks up speed, and the wind runs through your hair. ¡°So about this¡­reward.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you¡¯ll get it.¡± He kisses you, reaching his fingers down the front of your dress to pinch your nipple. You gasp, and he smiles slyly. He places a hand on your thigh. ¡°You¡¯re all mine. I can do whatever I want.¡± He runs a finger up your inner thigh. ¡°And I know you¡¯re going to be so good for me.¡± You kiss him hard as a way of asking for more. The bike stops, and Jungkook pays the driver. You see a street lined in red neon lights separated by a canal. ¡°Is this what I think it is?¡± ¡°The Red Light District,¡± he says, snaking an arm around you. ¡°You¡¯re not curious?¡± You are. More than you want to admit, and your silence makes him smile devilishly. Walking down the narrow street, the red lights reflect off the canal waters. There are buildings with large windows showing women in lingerie. Real women. Heat rises to your face, and you look away. Jungkook lights the second joint and takes a drag. When he passes it to you, you take a hit. The high becomes more potent again, sweeping you up and carrying you away. The street stretches in front of you endlessly. Jungkook takes another pull from the joint, and the smoke captures the red light of the neon signs. You see desire in his eyes, but you¡¯re not threatened by it. Heat grows between your legs. After you take a second drag, you lose your filter. Your eyes freely roam the women in the windows until they stop on one in particular. Her white lingerie contrasts well against her brown skin, and you devour her with your eyes. Jungkook stops. ¡°When were you going to tell me you like women?¡± he asks, smiling and raising an eyebrow. ¡°Is it that important?¡± you ask, facing him. ¡°You¡¯re mine now. I want to know all your desires. All of them.¡± ¡°It¡¯s become such a part of me that I didn¡¯t think to tell you.¡± You shrug. ¡°The sky is blue. The grass is green. I¡¯m bisexual.¡± ¡°I like it.¡± You shove his shoulder. ¡°Of course you do. But you should know my sexuality isn¡¯t performative for men to enjoy.¡± He smirks. ¡°That doesn¡¯t mean I can¡¯t like it. Especially when it¡¯s you.¡± Greed flashes in his eyes. ¡°Would you consider a threesome?¡± ¡°You know, that¡¯s what gives bisexuals a bad name. We have to fight every day to tear down the stereotypes that¡ªyes. Yes, I would.¡± He stares at you then breaks into laughter, and you grin. Your eyes gravitate back to the woman in white who blows a kiss. You pretend to catch it and put it in Jungkook¡¯s inner blazer pocket. Looking up at him, you run a finger across the silver chain around his neck. ¡°When are you going to fuck me, Jungkook?¡± you ask with puppy eyes. Home The door to Jungkook¡¯s hotel room slams open. Kissing you roughly, he backs you into a wall and presses against you. His hands travel where they want to, squeezing your ass and breasts. One of his hands gives gentle pressure to your throat. ¡°You¡¯re mine,¡± he says, his eyes burning with a black flame. ¡°So you listen to me and only me.¡± His authority sweeps over you. A warm euphoria drips down your body like honey until you¡¯re submerged in that place where you feel totally possessed. Nothing can reach you here except his commands as you float in that place where all else ceases. You long to give him anything he wants in this stillness. Your eyes soften as you drift to that place where you¡¯re neither here nor there, feeling righted on a doomed planet. You¡¯ve searched for this blissful, quiet void your entire life, and every time you return to it, it feels like home, a fleeting security that slips through your fingers the moment you come to. As Jungkook takes your hand and leads you to the bed, you realize this is different. This time, it really is home. He drags a chair that¡¯s resting at a table closer to the bed. Facing you in front of the bed, he drinks up your nirvana. ¡°This is how I like you most,¡± he says. His erection presses against his pants, and you reach for it. He slaps your hand away. ¡°Did I say you could do that?¡± Having lost the ability to speak, you shake your head. ¡°That¡¯s right. If you keep that up, I¡¯ll have to bind them,¡± he says, gathering your wrists and holding them up. ¡°I¡¯d hate to rid you of the chance to touch me.¡± You can¡¯t bear the thought as he gets comfortable in the chair. ¡°Now undress.¡± You hesitate, but the order intoxicates you. Pushing through your inhibitions, you let your jacket fall to the floor and slip your boots off. His red eyes hone in on you as you slowly unzip your dress and it falls. His breath quickens as his eyes trace every inch of you only wearing black sheer panties. He gapes then stands, kicking off his shoes. He removes his black blazer, and your heart races. Smirking, he slowly unbuttons the first few buttons of the black dress shirt like he did during your first concert with him. His expression darkening, he yanks his shirt free from his pants and frees the remaining buttons. The shirt drops. You study every detail of his sculpted upper body, a heat building in you that you¡¯re unsure you can fight off for much longer. His muscles ripple as he removes his belt and steps out of his pants. At the sight of his hard cock, a moan escapes you as the ache between your legs becomes unbearable. He closes the distances and kisses you with intense longing. Your hands find the firm slopes of his chest and slide over each ab carefully avoiding his erection that presses into your abdomen. Lightly brushing your thumbs over his nipples, you grind into him as your tongues meet. He grunts and grabs your ass with force before trailing kisses to your chest. His tongue slides in long strokes over your breasts. When his tongue flicks both of your nipples, you pulse down below. He licks lower, and pulls your panties down to the floor. He kisses your needy clit so feather soft that you could cry. He stands with a cruel smile. Your lips are on his neck, and he tilts his head back to give you better access. You kiss across his collarbones and worship his torso with your tongue. You run your tongue across his nipples, and move in slow circles on his lower abdomen. ¡°Get on the bed,¡± he says. You obey, and he stands over you. ¡°Pleasure yourself. Like you do to pictures of me.¡± You pause, heat streaking across your cheeks. He smiles devilishly. ¡°I need to know how you like to be touched,¡± he says, pinching your nipples. ¡°And I know you¡¯re desperate to cum.¡± He drags a finger down your clit, and you moan. Your overwhelming desire drives away embarrassment, and your fingers begin moving in slow circles. ¡°See, I knew you were going to be good for me.¡± He sits back in the chair and strokes the length of his shaft while watching you intently. The sight of him running his hand up and down his hard cock to you drives you mad, and you tease your clit as pleasure builds. Growing the pressure and speed, you work on your clit while running your finger up and down your entrance where so many nerve endings are. You fixate on Jungkook, and his eyes never leave you. Stomach tightening, you pulse against your finger, and Jungkook grips the arm of the chair. Nearing climax, you push your finger inside, and it nearly sends you over the edge. He strokes his cock as his eyes burn into you. Your body tenses as your finger thrusts long and deep stroking that pleasure point deep within you. Arching back, you cum as you shamelessly thrust and lose yourself in waves of euphoria. When they subside, you withdraw your finger and catch your breath. Jungkook gets on the bed and climbs on top of you, cradling your face. ¡°That was the most beautiful thing I¡¯ve ever seen,¡± he says. ¡°You¡¯re going to do it again.¡± His teeth graze your nipples as he lowers his face between your legs. At the first stroke of his hot tongue on your sensitive clit, you¡¯re already close. He reaches up and grabs your breast. As he rolls your nipple between his fingers, he slips a finger into you and continues slow strokes with his tongue. Pleasure builds deliciously slow as he takes his time. He flicks his tongue, nudging the bundle of nerves, and your breath catches. He smirks and closes his lips around you, sucking you into his warm mouth as you tighten around his finger. His tongue darts as he sucks, and you coil in response. As he returns to stroking lazily with his tongue, he moves his finger ever so slowly but intentionally with long and deep thrusts. Face flushed, you¡¯re desperate for release and move against his tongue. He anchors your hips to the bed with his free hand. He flicks his tongue, and just as you¡¯re about to cum, he stops moving his finger and pulls his mouth away. He plants soft, teasing kisses down you, and you pulse around his finger that fills a need. ¡°You¡¯re perfect just like this. I could do this for hours with your pleasure completely under my control listening to those noises you make,¡± he says. He sucks your clit and strokes it a few times with his tongue. ¡°When the slightest touch,¡± he says, kissing your clit, ¡°could send you over the edge.¡± ¡°Please,¡± you manage breathlessly. ¡°No,¡± he says with such sternness and finality that you don¡¯t dare argue. He flicks his tongue a few times, making you gasp. ¡°And if you cum before I allow it, there will be consequences.¡± He sucks twice bringing you to the edge. You inhale sharply as another orgasm is hedged. Chuckling, he continues his game. He sucks, flicks, and kisses deliberately and attentively, savoring your responses like it¡¯s the air he breathes. You lose yourself to the pleasure and need for release, and you¡¯re taken to a place where all that matters is his tongue, his lips, and his mouth as he makes you his. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. When you¡¯re coiled with beads of sweat decorating your skin and your clit is so swollen with pleasure that just his breath could send you over the edge, he says, ¡°Now.¡± His tongue flicks your clit once. Twice. As you begin to cum, he sucks as his tongue darts and two fingers plunge into you. You cum so hard and so good that your eyes roll back as his fingers and tongue fling you to a place you¡¯ve never been before. Finally getting the release you need, you come to panting as he doesn¡¯t stop flicking you and thrusting his fingers deep inside. Your core tightens as pleasure builds again, and he relentlessly continues. You explode with pleasure as his mouth with his darting tongue stays planted on you, and his fingers stroke your pleasure point deep inside. When you catch your breath, he withdraws his fingers and gives you a few more licks before kissing your clit. He meets you where you¡¯re sprawled and breathing heavily in a daze. ¡°Good girl,¡± he says, brushing hair out of your face. Those words touch a sacred place inside you, and you kiss him with growing passion, tasting yourself. ¡°Now I get to use that mouth,¡± he says against your lips. A smile pulls at your lips as he gets off the bed and stands, tossing a pillow at his feet for your knees. You get off the bed and kiss him harder, his veiny cock against your stomach. His kiss becomes needy as your hands find his velvet erection and gently stroke it. Your hands mimic the motions you saw him do to himself earlier, and he grunts. Breaking the kiss, you trail kisses down. Your knees hit the pillow. You look up at him, soaking up the desire in his eyes. You kiss and lick him in silent benediction, not daring to tease him. He groans, and the heat between your legs grows. You caress the ridge on his head with your mouth, and when his cock twitches, it feels like a notch in your belt. You decide to play a game of your own seeing how many times you can elicit the same response. Taking his length into your mouth, you show him how deep you can go as he touches the back of your throat. He groans and twitches inside your mouth. You come up for air and swirl your tongue around his head like you did to his finger, and he twitches again. You continue sucking his cock and flicking his ridge with your tongue listening to his breath quicken as he reaches down and squeezes your breast. You give yourself to him over and over. He slides his cock out of your mouth and kneels down to meet you. Kissing you with urgency, he guides you to stand. He picks you up and throws you on the bed, making you laugh. ¡°Come here,¡± he says, sitting at the end of the bed and patting his lap. You straddle him as he sits cross-legged, acutely aware of where his cock meets you. He sucks just above where your neck meets your shoulder, and you slide your wetness on him. Grabbing your waist, he guides you up and positions you over his cock. He rubs his head against your wet slit, and you whimper. ¡°Are you ready for your reward?¡± he asks. He pushes his head in, and you moan, feeling yourself squeeze him. He works his head in and out of your tight hole. Gripping your waist, he carefully pushes his length in, letting you expand. ¡°Jas,¡± he breathes. He gently rocks you in his lap, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close. ¡°This is how I¡¯ve wanted you since the first time we met.¡± His tongue licks your bottom lip, and you kiss him passionately. His hands and mouth move to your chest, and you arch back as he sucks and licks. He returns to kissing you and holding you close. ¡°Enough,¡± he says, laying you back on the bed. He thrusts deep inside you, and you feel how snugly you grip him. He keeps thrusting long and deep, stroking your pleasure point, as he watches you come undone. Your core tightens, and his hand circles your neck with gentle pressure. Your hand reaches down to rub your clit, and he smirks at how needy you are. ¡°Look at me when you cum.¡± With his cock thrusting deep and your fingers on your clit, you¡¯re brought to the edge. ¡°Cum for me, Jas,¡± he orders. You erupt with pleasure looking deep into his greedy eyes. He leans down and kisses your neck. ¡°Good girl,¡± he says into your ear. Sitting up, he fucks you ruthlessly, plunging into you again and again, and you clench around him with pleasure building. Before you can think, he catapults you into another release, and you hear him curse. His hands cup your bouncing breasts, and he leans down to kiss you. ¡°I want to cum in that mouth,¡± he says roughly. After a few more thrusts, he withdraws from you and stands on the floor. You follow him, dazed with pleasure, and drop to your knees. Your mouth is around him sucking his length again and again. ¡°Jas, I¨C¡± He gasps as his hot cum shoots into the back of your throat, and you swallow it. Shudders ripple through him as pull back and caresses his sensitive cock with your mouth and tongue, extending his pleasure. You lightly circle your tongue on his head and run it up his ridge. You suck along his length and his head with him shuddering above you. When you¡¯re satisfied, you stand and he kisses you. He leads you back to the bed, and motions for you to join him. He cradles you into his chest and strokes your hair. That place of blissful stillness is all you know, and you bask in it. ¡°Jas,¡± he says into your hair, ¡°you were so good for me. You did everything I told you to and let me use you however I wanted. Such a good girl.¡± Each word he speaks laps waves of euphoria and security over your entire body. ¡°What..¡± you trail off, wetting your lips. ¡°Yes, my love?¡± he asks. ¡°What are you doing?¡± His brow furrows then he smiles. ¡°Do you not know about aftercare?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve heard of it before. But¡­¡± He holds you tighter. ¡°That makes me want to punch whoever you were with before.¡± You giggle. ¡°They never did this?¡± You bury your head in his chest. ¡°I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°Clearly not.¡± He tilts your chin up to look at him. ¡°I know the place you go to. Subspace. It¡¯s my job to keep you in that beautiful feeling for as long as possible. As long as you want.¡± He kisses you softly. Thinking for a moment, he peels himself off of you. He pours a cup of cold water and hands it to you. ¡°You¡¯re probably thirsty after all that,¡± he says, smiling. You think you see a sliver of concern gleaming in his eyes. Blankly, you take the cup and gulp it down, realizing how dry your mouth is. He takes the empty cup and sets it on a nightstand. ¡°Thank you,¡± you say, the words feeling thick. Your throat knots, and you try to swallow it down. ¡°I¨C¡± Your voice breaks and traitorous tears fall from your eyes. He slides in next to you and cradles you into him, stroking your hair. ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± he whispers. Your tears slide from your face to his chest as his arms hold you tight. ¡°How dare anyone keep this from you,¡± he says more to himself than to you. Your breathing calms as he strokes your hair. He gets up again, and you hear the sink running in the bathroom. Turning the remaining lights off, he returns with a warm washcloth and gently wipes your face. It soothes you further, and he cradles you again after putting the washcloth on the nightstand. ¡°You¡¯re mine now.¡± He pushes you deeper into that nameless void where only he matters and honeyed euphoria intoxicates you. ¡°I think you¡¯re beginning to understand what that means.¡± In the darkness of his hotel room listening to his heartbeat whisper its secrets, you collapse into sleep.