《Reborn Reedsmith and Elven Knight》


 Chapter 1

    Life in another world had its perks.


    Sure, you ended up missing the simplest pleasures in life: wasting hours watching cat videos, microwaving soggy noodles, and screaming as you waited for the server to load.


    But air was a little cleaner and people were a little kinder.


    Or that was what they told me.


    I never really tried to check that out.


    I could get all I needed between my room and the family¡¯s garden, thank you very much. I was busy enough by taking care of my plants and flowers, reading books under the wool blankets and doing my part with the family business.


    Just like in my previous life, absolutely no need to get tangled in social situations or meeting other people.


    Did I need other people to compile my awesome flowers encyclopaedia that would one day bedazzle minds everywhere? I surely did not ¨C I just needed time and quiet to carefully begin my work.


    Was going to start any time now.


    So¡­ when this whole situation began, I had everything sorted out.


    Perfectly.


    And yet ¨C I did allow myself one exception.


    The bell¡¯s ring pulled me back from my reverie. I turned away from cleaning one of the furnace¡¯s conduits, looking at our workshop¡¯s door, but the tall figure of my father as he worked at the furnace¡¯s bellows blocked the way.


    ¡°Lugana, will you go check on it? I¡¯m a little busy.¡±


    ¡°Sure, Dad.¡±


    Did it feel strange calling him like that? After nineteen years¡­ I got used to it.


    Sometimes I still thought about my parents in the other world, but...


    I just hoped they were fine. I must still be caught up a little in my previous thoughts.


    Sometimes it still happened.


    The sound of creaking tetrarmide filled the workshop and I just knew who came in.


    Wait, if it was her¡­ I stopped to take a quick look at myself in one of the polished shields around the shop.


    It was just to make sure I wasn¡¯t covered head to toe in dark soot, nothing else! The shield gave back the image of a petite brunette with large green eyes and dash of freckles around her eyes. I tucked my strands of sweaty hair back into my beret. Try to keep your long hair flowing free when you work around open fires all day! My eleven-years-old self had quickly learned to put safety before fashion.


    But my current self could try to make an exception when it mattered.


    ¡°Coming! Please wait just a moment,¡± I shouted, running my fingers through my hair to try and straighten them out.


    ¡°No need for haste,¡± answered a confident female voice.


    Of course, it was her.


    Even after ending up in this world, reborn in a new body with a new family, I hadn¡¯t felt the need to do something silly like walking out of the door and go on an adventure.


    Back on Earth, people kept talking about second chances. About how they would do better the second time.


    But in my experience it absolutely wasn¡¯t like that.


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    Just because my hair and eye colour had been different for almost twenty years now, it wasn¡¯t like my personality had changed. I still enjoyed reading. In most occasions, all I wanted was to keep to myself.


    Spending all my time in bed was still top priority.


    I had matured a newfound love for plants by helping with the family business, but I believed that was it.


    And yet again, there was one exception.


    ¡°Coming...¡± I reassured our recurring customer. I walked past my father as he kept taking care of the raging oven, and I had to cover my face from the exhaust heat that pumped out of the huge black structure. Even like this, it was weird to think that at most we used a small fraction of the power of the fossil furnace. It had been there, with its chimneys of shiny black glass, before our family built around it to make a living out of tetrarmide production. We didn¡¯t even know who built it, we were just making use of it. Like ants setting up a nest in an abandoned house.


    Maybe one day I would discover who or what built it, but for the time being I was much more concerned with the tall woman standing by the counter. She wasn¡¯t looking at me, perusing our shelves, and I allowed myself a moment to take the image of her in, the lady Knight who had appeared around here two years before.


    It seemed like she had just came back from a harsher scuffle than usual, because Madama Kishirra¡¯s dark skin was already covered in swelling bruises and shallow wounds. She kept her usual stoic expression on her face, but I had known her for a while, and the crease on her forehead showed she had been having a hard time pretending everything was fine.


    Harder than usual, at least. She held her golden hair in a short braid, just to avoid them getting in the way, and she still managed to look stunning even bruised like that ¨C the same stony look in her grey eyes, and her features were as beautiful as ever, with her long and straight nose, her thin lips and the elegant curve of her neck.


    Back on Earth she¡¯d stop traffic ¨C one of those ¡®dark elves¡¯ stepping out of old fantasy novels or cheap anime.


    But she was there ¨C flesh and bone.


    I was staring, but it was kind of hard not to: what would you do if a woman as gorgeous as a Scandinavian model, as graceful as a ballerina and as kind as summer walked into your shop every other week?


    ¡°Sorry for the wait,¡± I said, greeting her with a swift nod. "Are you back from the fold? It seemed like this time was...¡±


    ¡°It is as the time before and the one before that, Madama Delebasse,¡± she interrupted me. Her smooth voice was silk brushing on silk... and it made something twist in my stomach. It must be because Lady Kishirra was an Elf. There was more to them that just their slightly-pointer ears after all.


    Some sort of otherworldly grace in her elegant, slow movements.


    Kishirra still managed to convey even in a scratched brigandine and with her body covered in wounds. ¡°I will be right as rain in time for the evening¡¯s prayer, but I am in need of your services, post-haste.¡±


    ¡°Ah, yes.¡± My eyes shifted to the golden pendant hanging from her neck ¨C the circle with the three extended rays, the symbol of her faith. It still glowed faintly. She really pushed herself this time... and as every time, she was not one to talk about it. ¡°Please come this way, then.¡±


    I swung the counter open and she walked in, trying to push through the light limp in her stride, but even if her brigandine hid the worst of her wounds, I half-expected her to start dripping blood all over the workshop.


    ¡°Lady Kishirra... did you take care of your wounds before coming in here? Ah, careful with that,¡± I pointed out at the low pipes crossing over the ceiling. Kishirra was tall enough her blonde head brushed against the obsidian exhausts (or whatever material those were made of).


    She just nodded and lowered her head a bit.


    ¡°There is Who did take care of them for me.¡±


    Oh. How bad must her wounds have been then? It looked like this time wasn¡¯t like all the others, no matter what she said.


    ¡°Please do not put yourself in harm¡¯s way next time,¡± I sighed.


    She stopped. I turned and we shared a look, even thought it was really hard to sustain her silver gaze and I let my eyes fall towards her shoulders.


    ¡°If I shall not, then whom?¡±


    I had no answers to that.


    ¡°Please come this way...¡± I muttered, defeated. I led her through the workshop to a short hallway and then to the inside garden.


    It spread in a wide-open space behind the workshop, still protected by tall walls, but with no ceiling, so that rain could simply fall in to help nourish the trees and the basins with the growing red reeds. Looking up, I shielded my eyes from the burning sun and the silver planetary ring that glistened almost white in the light of the day.


    That was another reminder I was not in my old world anymore ¨C even after all this time, it felt a bit weird to look up at the sky and see no moon.


    ¡°Please sit,¡± I instructed her, and the Elf complied, slowly limping to her spot on the roots of our oak tree. The rest of the garden was covered in orchard trees and flowers which we needed for our craft ¨C some of them were just like those I remembered from my former home. Others, like the lilythorn I brushed my hand against as I picked their seeds out, only grew here. And all of them were very important.


    I was fairly proud of our garden.


    One day it would take the first few chapters of my book.


    ¡°How damaged are the inside plaques?¡± I asked as I held out a hand with the lilythorn seeds. The Elf stubbornly blinked as her sable fingers raised to gently brush my hand aside.


    She hesitated, which immediately made me worry.


    This was not good.

 Chapter 2

    ¡°I cannot accept,¡± Kishirra said, trying to change topic. ¡°I already...¡±


    ¡°It is I who cannot accept,¡± I replied with a frown, putting all the seeds inside her palm and wrapping her hand with mine. It was a clear message, wasn¡¯t it? And it wasn¡¯t like I was sort of panicking because even in this state her skin was just so warm and smooth. ¡°I can¡¯t accept you coming here in that state. You are our most important customer. We''d rather you not risk your health. Now please eat those seeds and let me take a look at the state of your brigandine.¡±


    She blinked. Did I come off as arrogant? Did I just¡­ offend her?


    ¡°I suppose speeding up my recovery would be useful for your business as well...¡± she muttered, putting the lilythorn to her lips.


    She seemed to be fine with using it now. Good. Maybe I could save this without making a fool of myself.


    In doing so she had to withdraw her hand from mine ¨C but it wasn¡¯t like I was trying anything weird on her! It was just that she was an Elf, and a Knight, and...


    ¡°This is the current state of my armour,¡± she said pulling me back into a proper train of thoughts, her cheeks already flushed dark as the lilythorn seeds started to have their healing effect on her. She unwrapped her black brigandine, revealing her shirt and her, uh, svelte waist underneath.


    Uhm... it wouldn¡¯t be right if she were the only one to blush, would it?


    ¡°I see...¡± and then the blushing turned into wincing. Almost every plaque riveted to the inside of her brigandine got cracked, and half of them were broken, uselessly hanging from their hooks.


    A little grunt of pain escaped the Elf¡¯s dark lips as she finished removing her protective clothing, letting it fall on the ground.


    ¡°It is far worse than the other times,¡± I sighed, picking up the jacket to take a better look. Even the plaques that had been left intact were somewhat dislodged from their sockets, and we would need to reapply the rivets to make them safe. It was the kind of work that took at least a week to complete, and in the meantime... ¡°I will see what we could do to give it back to within three days.¡±


    ¡°I cannot stop for three days.¡±


    ¡°Maybe you should.¡± I tilted my head towards her torso. Kishirra¡¯s arms were quite fit, but even like that they were clearly shivering a bit. An Elf¡¯s body must be different from our own, but that couldn¡¯t just be because of her peculiar constitution. She shook her head, taking deep breaths as the seeds¡¯ effect rippled through her body. She seemed to gain a little more colour to her cheeks, at least.


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    ¡°You do not understand. It is not my decision to make.¡± She wrapped her fingers around her sun-pendant, and I lowered my gaze, defeated. Seeing our resident Knight so battered made me feel... it was a weird and unpleasant sensation, like a hook that¡¯s tugging my stomach down. ¡°But I appreciate your concern. Nobody usually...¡± her smooth voice trailed off and she stiffly waved her other hand, trying not to move her shoulder too much. ¡°Never mind. Three days, you said?¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t do it any quicker.¡± A glance at the growing reeds in the garden confirmed my fear. It wasn¡¯t easy to manufacture tetrarmide, even the weaker and cheaper version we could make with our forge here. Over the months, I had seen Kishirra¡¯s original, far-superior plaques chip, break and shatter one by one.


    Those had been made in Madua and given to her by her Order ¨C we couldn¡¯t make them as sturdy or as light as something that came from the Holy Land.


    But we could aim for something that was good enough.


    ¡°I will try to do my best in the meantime then. I thank you for your help. I understand I have been putting pressure on you. If you need to charge a higher price for such a pressing request¨C¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± I waved my hand. ¡°Price is the same. You can pay us when you come back.¡±


    That seemed to give her pause. She reminded me of a stray cat I tried to befriend, during my second childhood in this new world. It was feisty and skittish and never allowed me to pet it, but it did accept a bowl of milk when I left it out of the door.


    Lady Kishirra did look a lot like that kitten, with her fingers trembling slightly as her cheeks flushed even harder.


    It might just be the effects of the lilythorn seeds, but...


    ¡°A perk of being a returning customer, I suppose.¡±


    ¡°Something like that,¡± I encouraged her with a smile. She studied my face, and once more I shied away from those grey eyes. Seriously, looking people in the face was the worst ¨C and Kishirra¡¯s face was beautiful enough to hurt.


    But then she nodded and stood up proud, tucking her sun pendant behind her shirt.


    ¡°Please do take care, Madama Kishirra.¡±


    ¡°There is Who is taking care of me,¡± she replied with a nod.


    It was hard to argue against that when, according to Dad¡¯s stories, the fire-priests of Ans¨¤rra could heal a strained ankle in a day rather than the weeks it would take naturally, or help to keep your wounds closed... but I still felt like there was something in that line I didn¡¯t grasp completely.


    Kishirra was a bit of an enigma. Best customer or not, I only saw her here at the workshop, and nobody in B¨´rian seemed to know much about her at all. She has just showed up one day, and she kept to herself.


    The last time I tried to ask her about what kind of enemy she was actually fighting, and why she left for days on end, she clamped up like a blonde-haired oyster.


    A bright deed shines by its own light, was everything I managed to pry off her sealed lips.


    I sighed taking another look at the ripped and damaged armour. I needed to spend less time daydreaming about her motivations and more picking up the right plants and roots if I wanted to actually help her...


    ¡°Thank you for coming again,¡± I replied ¨C it was a dry way to tell her goodbye. I already told her to take care, and it felt like my words would slide off her icy exterior like oil on glass.


    The left corner of her mouth curved in the ghost of a smile, though.


    Maybe it was enough ¨C at least for now.

 Chapter 3

    I spent the next hour thinking about which plants to pick, but in the end it made far more sense to ask someone who knew still better than I did.


    I walked across the garden towards a secluded wing to the right.


    ¡°Mom?¡± I knocked on her study room. ¡°I need help with something. It¡¯s about Madama Kishirra¡¯s latest order.¡± I opened the door and stuck my head inside.


    My mother ¨C my second mother ¨C sat at her desk as she scribbled notes on her reed paper, surrounded by bowls of growing plants. Cataloguing the right cultivars was just as much part of our craft as was spending time huffing and puffing with the bellows at the forge. Maybe that was one of the reasons why I always felt so at home with my other-world parents ¨C they had activities that bound them together, in a balancing act.


    Back from where I came from... it was different. No doubt my parents on Earth loved me as well, but... it was just a whole another matter this time.


    ¡°Ah, Lugana, you are here. You can help me with this summary.¡±


    ¡°Sure, but we have to deal with her repairs within three days, and this time her plaques are in a sorry condition.¡±


    ¡°Not a surprise. Wonder what kind of fights she gets into...¡± Mom muttered, rapping her fingers on the wooden desk. I joined her there and picked up her notes, starting to put them in order.


    ¡°Seasonal growth index?¡±


    ¡°I wanted to see if I could find a pattern in the reed¡¯s cover on the shores,¡± she nodded. ¡°Very observant. Good job, Lu. That is going to help the entire town, we could deal with drought spells and floods much better ¨C and still manage our stores.¡±


    I chuckled.


    ¡°You knew I am not that good with numbers.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t sell yourself short,¡± she replied patting my shoulder.


    In my old world, Mom would have become a scientist, or a CEO. Dad was the one with the skills when it came to actually forging the tetrarmide and everything else that came out of the forge, but without her he wouldn¡¯t get nearly as steady a supply of materiel, together with all the other management stuff she took care of. I flipped through the pages to put them all together, following Mom¡¯s line of thinking from her observations on the reed to the average annual production.


    ¡°So, why is it that when it is about Madama Kishirra you are always the first to greet her?¡± Mom asked with a sly smile on her face.


    ¡°I was just... Dad asked me to! He was busy at the forge and he couldn¡¯t take it! That was all.¡±


    ¡°Of course dear. Just like the last thirty times,¡± she chuckled. ¡°So¡­ we would have to check on the state of the garden as well after this. At the rate she is burning through our stash, it¡¯s a shock we have enough reed ash for her plates. We will have to increase our rates a little.¡±


    ¡°Uh... I kind of told her that we wouldn¡¯t ask for a steeper price.¡±


    Mom bit the side of her mouth.


    ¡°That might not have been the wisest choice. Ah, but we needed to replenish our stocks anyway. Lugana...¡± she made me stop writing as she put on her ¡®motherly¡¯ tone, and I already knew what she was going to say next. ¡°How about you go buy some calcifera this time? You know, as a chance to step out of the garden, and maybe out of the house as well.¡±


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    ¡°I-I didn¡¯t think... I am not good with that,¡± I replied, turning my gaze away from her as I hastily put the notes together, trying to focus only on the task at hand.


    Yes, not many things changed about your personality when you stepped from one world into the next ¨C and among those, my tendency to seize up whenever someone looked at me funny.


    Why would I need to get out of here anyway? I had everything I could hope for, and Madama Kishirra even visited. Why would I need to get out of here alone and... talk to people?


    I was not good at that!


    They were probably going to think I was strange, especially when I didn¡¯t get the right words or I didn¡¯t know when to laugh and when to stop.


    I hadn¡¯t learned how to deal with people in my former life ¨C how could I think that was going to change in my new one?


    ¡°I could deal with the garden while you go,¡± I proposed, giving her the notes in the right order. ¡°You are better than me at this and you were probably going to get a lower price!¡±


    ¡°Dear... you have to learn how to deal with people, and that means getting out of there and talk with someone. A merchant is not going to care about you, only the silver you traded him for his wares. I could come with you if you wanted, to ease you into it.¡± She set her hand over my shoulder, as she always did when she was trying to push me towards something.


    ¡°I am fine like this. Really. Can we move on? I need to start working on this for Madama Kishirra. I promised her we would manage to do this in three days.¡±


    ¡°Three days, and without any increase in price,¡± Mom bit the side of her mouth and shook her head. ¡°You do take after your father.¡±


    +++


    There was a spot on the shores of the Mar da Cand¨¨a where you could still see the tall chimneys of the workshop that belonged to the Delebasse family. They shot against the blue sky like streaks of ink, puffing just a few thin ribbons of white smoke, but they stood out from the myriad of red terracotta roofs and white walls of B¨´rian.


    It was a large town, or more kindly a small city, sleepy on the shores of the vast lake, the line of houses and ancient walls interrupted by the wide wind-mills, their rust-colored sails made out of knitted reeds, and the very same reeds growing all about the marshy beaches that gently carried to the inner freshwater sea.


    One of those places that you might have seen in a painting.


    But on the dark hills just a few hours away from there, where grass grew white and withered and rocks stuck out of the murky land like bones, large holes opened on the slopes. As afternoon crept into evening and the wide planetary ring glowed brighter, pale fingers and pale arms would sneak out of those holes. Beady eyes, smooth like blind marbles would look at the disappearing sun, waiting for the time to come out and strike.


    Then the rest of the body would follow: a gangly creature, taller than a human and gaunt, filled only with the unceasing hunger that prompted it to sneak between the mangy willows towards the heat and the clamour of the unsuspecting town.


    It had been a long time since they had come this close to the outskirts of B¨´rian, long enough for the threat they posed to disappear into legend and to become little more than myth, or a frightening story to send kids off to bed.


    Now those same stories slithered through the rocks and over gravel, and their heavy breaths echoed between the quiet hills. The one in front, a large and heavy creature, raised its face to sniff the night. It did not perceive any threat, and the hunger and the Will that lead it pushed it forward.


    Fast-faster, down the hills and towards the water, swim-floating through the dark waters and then up on the walls with their hands like hooks, and then in, where people lived, with their warm blood and their soft flesh and crunchy bones. An emptiness ached inside the thing¡¯s stomach, and it pulled back its lips, showing a row of thin and protruding teeth, used to hunting for fish in deep dark ponds where the light of the Sun did not reach, but made to grind and tear another kind of flesh.


    Now, that one and the other behind it would soon reach the shore and then they could commence their feast. An old hunger would be abated and the days of plenty would begin. A night to celebrate all nights!


    With that thought rattling behind their beady eyes, the thing licked its teeth and crawled a little swifter, leaving behind itself a faint trail of powder where the chalky dust of its body raked against the rocks and the gravel, but it did not care.


    It would fill its empty belly.


    Or at least, that¡¯s what might happen ¨C but someone jumped right over its back, a keen poleaxe in her hand, and nailed the thing¡¯s round head with its hammer end, crunching the chalky skull into a burst of powder and goo.


    The body seized and stopped moving, while those behind it hesitated, raising on their hind legs to face the intruder.


    Madama Kishirra, Prode d¡¯Ans¨¤rra, stood over the thing¡¯s body and pulled back her weapon with a wet squelch, groaning at the pain that flared on her side.


    ¡°Ow. Is asking for some rest too much around here?¡±

 Chapter 4

    Kishirra winced as her ribs howled in pain ¨C but she was used to pain. She understood that kind of ache, she knew how to deal with it.


    Just like how she knew that when it came to Chalkers slithering out of their holes, a good hit was all you needed.


    ¡°Do not tell me you are surprised,¡± she said stepping away from the corpse and aiming her weapon at the other three, who now waved back and forth like pale ill trees, their arms stretched out, who knows if to defend themselves or to attack her. ¡°I leave for just a while, and you take that as a chance to do how you please?¡±


    The Chalkers did not reply, but then again she wasn¡¯t talking to them.


    The pale beasts shrieked and assaulted her, charging towards her smaller ad apparently weaker form.


    Her brigandine was under repair after all.


    As the closest one lunged, she stepped back and turned on herself, sending her poleaxe¡¯s hammerhead right into its chest, cracking it open like a walnut. Another burst of powder and stringy goo bubbled out of the beast as it fell on its back, twitching madly on the gravel, spilling its white guts all over. Some fell over her shirt and her arms, but she did not care. Not when the other two tried to take her at the flanks.


    She slashed at the one to the left with the pointed end of her weapon, but this one was quicker ¨C it withdrew, hissing, just as the other one scuttled behind her to strike her where she couldn¡¯t see.


    Kishirra rolled to the side and raised her open hand.


    ¡°S¨¬ccome stella¡­¡± she began to chant in the language of the Holy Land, as her palm glowed golden, casting shadows all about her and the monsters. For a moment, it was as if she had pulled the Sun back onto the palm of her hand as a golden circle flashed brighter and brighter, and then¡­ ¡°... fiamma!¡±


    The burst of searing light sent the shadows rippling all over as the Chalker shrieked in pain, the entire front of its body blasted asunder by the Sanctioned burst. Kishirra turned and thrusted her weapon straight in the body of the last one, who was trashing on the gravel, covering its eyes like it would have under the midday Sun.


    The backlash of the exploding body hit her as well. Coughing and sputtering, Kishirra fell on her knees, still holding the glass shaft of her poleaxe between her arms, like a lifeline.


    Her golden pendant seemed to hum against her chest as a little bit of its holy Sanction flew into her tired arms. She pulled her weapon back, trying to see if there were any more who she missed, but you could say Ans¨¤rra shone on her luck tonight.


    She sat on a nearby rock as the bodies of the Chalkers began to decompose, their human-like shapes giving way to shadowy outlines made out of goo and powder. She cleaned off what she could out of her arms.


    It was just a small group this time. A far cry from the sixteen she had to dispatch just a few days before.


    She turned to gaze at the slopes, the shores and the sleeping town.


    Looking at it from here, it truly seemed like a place that could exist in a fairy-tale: the peaceful settlement on the beautiful vast lake, its industrious and honest inhabitants living their lives.


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    Living at just a few hours away from things that would eat their hearts and drink their blood if it wasn¡¯t for her vigil. But in moments like these, as the glowing silver ring mirrored itself in the lacuna and B¨´rian¡¯s windmills gently turned under the breeze, she felt like her duty was not pointless, thankless as it was.


    What would change if they knew about what she was doing, anyway? She had seen it before ¨C Men and their ilk were craven creatures. They would tear each other apart. Or worse: some of them could even think they could profit from this situation and from her Duty, and the peaceful town¡¯s life would get upturned forever.


    No, she preferred them ignorant and blissful. Kishirra raised a hand as the aching from her Sanction slowly left her body and she cupped the town¡¯s outline in her palm ¨C it was like she could hold it.


    They would never see her as anything but the brooding Elf who somehow, for some reason, had become a Knight of Madua and sometimes came back to ask for supplies or to have her armour repaired.


    If she was lucky, she would never amount to anything else.


    It was better if she did on her own, without relying on anyone else and anything but her faith.


    Doesn¡¯t it feel good? To play the role of the heroine? Asked a smoky female voice, raising from the spilled blood of the Chalkers, carried by the wind with the foul dark wisps.


    Kishirra snorted and shook her head.


    ¡°You can save your words.¡±


    The voice laughed, and the echoes of its mirth echoed between the empty hills, while the last remnants of the Chalkers it had raised turned into vaguely-human stains of pale powder.


    But can you save those who do not care for you?


    ¡°I said I do not want to listen to you right now,¡± she replied, pulling out the symbol of Ans¨¤rra and raising it into the night air. The tiny sun seemed to glint gold even against the dark sky. ¡°I already made my actions speak far louder than my words. The other night, in case you did forget.¡±


    When she had dispatched sixteen of those things ¨C she had yet to see so many of them.


    The four she had taken care of had been most likely held in reserve. The foul Will behind the Chalkers needed time to fashion them, and Kishirra had learned that it took about ten days to make one of her puppets.


    She could take a breather, for the foreseeable future.


    Or at least that was what she could hope for.


    You spend so much of yourself, the voice said ¨C a ghostly touch reached for her cheek and Kishirra whipped her head away, aiming the symbol right in front of her. Wonder to what end. To whose benefit.


    ¡°I said leave.¡± Kishirra held up her hand, threatening the voice with another of her Sanctions.


    The presence waned, the only sound was the wind brushing the willows and her own laboured breaths.


    Such manners. I am curious about what would happen when they find out why you waste so much of your effort¡­ such a noble Knight. With such noble goals.


    Kishirra snarled ¨C but there was no rebuttal.


    The voice had left her alone ¨C alone, with a sting right into her heart.


    Starless night, she couldn¡¯t let it get to her. She has a duty to fulfil, and she was doing this for reasons that the being hiding under the hills would never understand.


    Besides, there was someone who did seem to care about her.


    That Mannish girl in the workshop.


    Since the first time Kishirra had seen her, she had noticed something weird about her. It was as if she belonged here and at the same time, she was a long-lost traveller.


    Maybe she was just a young woman a little more out of tune than the others.


    She couldn¡¯t expect her to be any different.


    ¡°I¡¯m her best customer,¡± she muttered, drawing the symbol to her chest, trying to gather a little bit of warmth from the gesture and knowing that Ans¨¤rra was there for her at any moment. She had even shared her precious healing lilythorns with her.


    That made her feel a little better ¨C the warmth of her faith burning from the deep embers of her soul. When the time came, Ans¨¤rra would take her, and she would escape the cycle.


    Nothing else mattered. She did not deserve any thanks for something she was doing just for herself.


    So selfish.


    In that, the voice was right. She was a terribly self-focused person.


    Even then, the thought of seeing that girl again¡­ it did comfort her a little bit more.


    She had even given her that seed ¨C which had allowed her to be here in time, to fulfil her duty once again. So maybe not all was bad.


    Her faith was a bonfire, and that girl¡¯s smile¡­ a small candle.


    But it burned for her alone.

 Chapter 5

    I was not sure if Kishirra¡¯s goddess had anything to do with it, but Mom wrapped her business up quite quickly, and what mattered even more, she stopped teasing me about my intentions about the Elf.


    Even if I might have had a crush ¨C and I did not ¨C it wasn¡¯t her business.


    We stepped out in the garden, picking up the right plants and flowers.


    ¡°We would soon be out of nightshale,¡± Mom huffed, running her fingers over the tiny white flowers. ¡°We would need to go and buy some more at the market.¡±


    I stiffened.


    ¡°What a fantastic idea.¡± I quickly snipped more dragroot for the mixture. ¡°I¡¯ll be here to plant the new seeds as soon as you went buy them, Mom!¡± I gave her a winning smile ¨C and she replied rolling her eyes.


    ¡°That was not really what I had in mind.¡±


    ¡°I do want to help, you know it. But I am no good at bartering. Or haggling. Or buying stuff, really.¡± Or talking to people. Or looking at them in the eyes. Or ask them for anything.


    Kishirra was, once again, the one exception.


    Even back in my previous life, just the thought of standing in a room full of people would send shivers running down my spine. I kept reliving pieces of my conversation in my head like running through possible branches in a visual novel, but they would never bring anywhere. And I had yet to find any viable undo hotkey.


    Damn, even after almost twenty years, I found ways to miss the internet.


    Besides, even if I tried to do it myself, nothing would change. I was not even supposed to be here... to live in this new world.


    We finished roughing up the base ingredients, and we poured the admixture in a bowl, while Mom got the fire ready, in the small terracotta oven in the middle of the garden. Thankfully, this was a far cry from the ancient furnace. Far more manageable.


    I put the admixture in and shut the metal door, while the flames raged and did their job, turning every seed and flower and leaf into cinder.


    ¡°I¡¯ll take care of the ashes, Mom. You can go check on your notes if you want.¡± She did look a little tired. I bet she had forsaken sleep once again last night.


    ¡°I know I can,¡± she replied with an affectionate look. ¡°But keep in mind your father and I are not eternal. One day you will have to run this place on your own. Or whatever else you want to do. And that will require talking to people.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it,¡± I lied, sitting in front of the oven.


    I watched Mom walk back through the garden towards her office, and I pulled my legs towards my chest as I waited. Sitting like this and waiting was dangerous, especially so far away from my room.


    All I could do was fidget and try to numb myself to the pangs of anxiety, already nipping at my chest.


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    ¡°If only¡­ ugh, I don¡¯t even know.¡±


    Maybe I could just stand up for a moment and snitch one of my books. Even read it all over again (turned out in this world there were far less books in circulation) in front of the oven.


    But experience had taught me to never leave an open fire alone for an instant, so I kept watching the burners.


    It was my duty ¨C sort of like what Madama Kishirra did, wasn¡¯t it?


    To be there.


    Even if it was a bit of a silly comparison.


    To think that she was out there, fighting and doing all she could, while I was too scared to look people in the eyes. Seriously, we couldn¡¯t be more different. There was just no way I could even begin to hope for¡­


    Nevermind.


    In another life, I could have distracted myself into numbness, while all I could do right then was listening to the flames as they crackled and popped and the soft rumbling of leaves and the creaking of boughs.


    ¡°It isn¡¯t that easy, Mom... in this or in any other life.¡±


    +++


    Those three days did not pass quick. I spent all time I could helping my father with Madama Kishirra¡¯s plates. Thankfully we managed to pull them out of the furnace by the end of the second night, so hot that air broiled over them in wriggling vapour. I personally helped Dad sew and bolt them back into her protective gear, so that they could protect her at least for a while longer. I shuddered thinking of what kind of impact could shatter one of these plates. Sure, they were not nearly as resistant as properly-made materiel, but I remembered him testing this second-rate, makeshift tetrarmide a few years ago. He produced a nail-thin plate out of the stuff, set it on the floor and hit it with a mattock.


    It did not even chip.


    But I was mostly worried about her bones. Kishirra¡¯s body must be made of iron if she could resist this kind of blows, over and over. Then again if the rest of her body was like what I had seen¡­


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you a little too hot?¡± Asked my father, taking off his glove and touching my forehead. ¡°You¡¯re flushed. Are you sure you¡¯re not coming down with a flu as well?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine!¡± I squealed, a little too fast. ¡°I¡¯m just focused, that¡¯s all. Let¡¯s continue.¡±


    And thankfully he dropped it.


    When Madama Kishirra came back to take her repaired brigandine, I waited for her in the garden. I kept fidgeting, for some reason. Why would I be nervous seeing her again? She was our best customer after all. Maybe I was just a little worried about how she fared during these past few days. It seemed she always pushed herself to the brink. But she would be satisfied with our hard work, for sure. I was so worried with checking every detail that I did not notice her stepping inside.


    ¡°Am I late?¡± Oh god she was there already!


    ¡°Not at all, I was just¡­¡± and my voice trailed off. I had never seen her like this, wearing a simple linen cloth that hugged her slender waist. At any other time I would have blushed, but Kishirra¡¯s dark skin was covered by too many swollen marks to worry about anything else. It was worse than the last time. Forget about not coming to greet her at the door, she had to take care of herself first!


    ¡°Starless night,¡± I swore in a whisper, reaching out to her across the garden, taking her arms in my hands with little regard for proper behaviour. ¡°Madama Kishirra, your arms, your¡­ are you alright? I have never seen you like this.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing,¡± she said, trying to downplay her injuries as she always did. ¡°Sometimes things do get a little more intense than usual, that is all.¡± She tilted her head. ¡°Can I get my armour now?¡±


    ¡°S-Sorry if I insist,¡± I replied, letting go at once. ¡°But I think you should take better care of yourself. What if you sustain a serious wound and find yourself all alone out there? Who will you call for help?¡±


    ¡°I always know Who to call upon for help,¡± she said with a half-smile.


    I sighed, going back to the rack where I had her renovated armour exposed. She might believe her faith would be enough to shield her, but when she was battered and bruised like that it was hard to think it was nothing but delusions.


    Why was she so hell-bent on this quest of hers, anyway? Nobody even knew what she was actually doing, and most of B¨´rian residents only knew her as the weird woman who had come from Madua. I doubted they would offer a kind word.


    ¡°I know you think so.¡± How could I put this in a way that still sounded respectful? ¡°But please take yourself into consideration a little more. If you get too many injuries, what will happen? I don¡¯t want to lose my best customer.¡±


    I wanted to reach out to her. It felt like she was fading off into the distance. How could I make her understand?

 Chapter 6

    Madama Kishirra smiled widely at those words. Her cheeks turned a little darker.


    ¡°Rest assured you will not. But I do appreciate you concern.¡± She picked up her armour with a single hand, the heavy tetrarmide plates seemingly as light as feathers. She put the brigandine on, clasping each section into place with a satisfying click. Once she was ready, she ran her hands over her armour, pressing here and there as the plates crinkled against each other like dry leaves.


    ¡°Impressive. As always, but I dare say it once more: impressive. I believe my armour improves a little bit each time I ask you for a repair!¡±


    That was too kind. Far too kind, in fact. Our furnace would never be able to produce the same quality as the sanctified ovens in Madua. So I did not give it too much weight. She was just trying to be considerate, that was all.


    No reason for my stomach to make flip-flops, none at all!


    ¡°Just don¡¯t take it as an excuse to throw yourself away,¡± I said reaching out to press my hand against her brigandine, checking the pressure points between the plates. Purely professional interest! And also I was going to tell her once again: ¡°Seriously, you should take your own life into consideration. At least a little bit more, Madama Kishirra!¡±


    I looked up into her eyes and her gaze washed over me with the intensity of freshly-woven steel.


    ¡°It is precisely so,¡± she explained, her voice reduced to a ghostly whisper. ¡°This is what is giving value to my life and prevents me from making any future mistakes. This is my Test.¡± I frowned, trying to understand what she was saying. It did not really make sense to me ¨C and what did she mean by future mistakes? ¡°Are we finished?¡± She brushed against my hand, which was still pressing against her waist.


    ¡°Ah! Yes, yes, we are quite finished, thank you.¡± I swiftly set my wandering hands deep into my pockets, looking away. An ice-thin silence fell between us. Kishirra sighed and rummaged into her backpack, producing a small pouch tinkling with silver.


    ¡°Please do take these. I will be in your care soon enough.¡±


    ¡°Try not to,¡± I said even though my words felt as dry as ash. I did not know what to say or how to stop her. I did not even know what was going on! ¡°What¡¯s even happening? Whatever you are doing¡­ is it really worth it?¡±


    She gave me another of those half-smiles, but this one looked a little sadder.


    ¡°You are young. And your life will last nary a few years, and then your soul will depart to wherever Mannish souls go. This is not a fate shared by all, my sweet Lugana.¡± She set her backpack once again on her shoulders, balancing it with her weapon. She was about to leave. I would not see her for a long while, and I was all out of healing seeds I could share with her. I did not want her to leave. She was still healing, Kishirra would probably spend all her time fighting whatever she was dealing with and then she¡¯d come back, even more battered than before. I wanted to keep her here.


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    ¡°Uh, your¡­ your weapon? Doesn¡¯t it need a look as well?¡±


    Her silver eyes shifted to her poleaxe and glinted with amusement.


    ¡°I believe this would be the last thing you could take care of. But I will let you know, as long as your prices stay¡­¡±


    ¡°Yes. Of course. We would not want to lose you. As a customer.¡± Damn, now I was rambling. It was always the same thing. No matter what world I lived in, no matter my name, no matter my body: I was always going to be a blabbering mess of a girl. I could not stop Kishirra, no matter how much I wanted to just bar the doors and keep her with me in the garden. What would I do if she came back missing a hand, or a leg, just because I couldn¡¯t convince her to stay here and not throw her life away? Why did Elves have to be such a stubborn lot all the time? ¡°I¡­ just wanted to say¡­¡± What kind of words could I say? I was not the kind of person who was good at this. I would always be a disaster. ¡°Nevermind. Please take care.¡±


    She regarded me with those silver eyes. I felt like she was hesitating. Maybe I had made this even more awkward than it needed to be. We were standing now on opposite sides of a widening chasm. She was getting farther and farther away.


    ¡°Please believe me when I say I am precisely doing so. I am far more self-absorbed than you can imagine. Every kindness I receive is given on credit.¡± She raised her three fingers in her usual goodbye, and she turned and left. For the first time since I had known her, I did not escort her to the workshop¡¯s exit.


    All I could do was watching her disappear behind the garden¡¯s entrance.


    Kishirra¡¯s words kept echoing in my head. A light spring drizzle started to pour from the sky and Mom did not feel well enough to go out and deal with the plants, so I had to put on a coat and take care of the garden¡¯s weeds, shearing the inopportune growth.


    The Knight was doing all this, and for whom?


    In my old life, I had given little thought to the idea of a soul ¨C I was just too busy escaping the pressure of being a total failure, and now here I was again, kneeling in the mud with a pair of shears in my hands, scared to the death about saying the right words.


    I had changed words and life and I was still stumbling over the same blocks. I couldn¡¯t even make Kishirra wait a single minute, and I was still shaking with anxiety at the thought of leaving the house. Even the idea of setting a foot outside, going to the market¡­ talk with people was enough to make me shiver harder than the biting rain.


    And while I was shaking with panic at the thought of flapping my mouth, that Elvish woman spent night and day in the hills, fighting who knew what.


    I wasn¡¯t going to pick up her faith. It did not really made sense to stay an atheist after you were living proof of the existence of souls and reincarnation, but there was still something deep inside me that rattled painfully at the thought of throwing myself into the hands of a greater power, whatever it may be.


    So no white cloth for me.


    But that did not really matter, did it?


    I blinked as more rain fell into my eyes, trying to keep my focus as I cleaned up the garden.


    It did not matter how I felt. Sooner or later, I would have to face the music. And Kishirra was out there, living through storm and hail, not even asking for a thank-you. She was so much different from me. So much better in every way.


    I could never be like her. I would have to let go of these childish dreams, and forget all about her. She was so brave and I could barely string together a welcome. I couldn¡¯t look someone in the eyes without fidgeting, and I would probably amount to nothing more than a girl in the mud, cutting down weeds.


    I had yet to start writing even a page of my book.


    When I finished dealing with the garden, my mood was already at rock bottom.


    ¡°I cleared the garden of weeds¡­¡± I said opening the door to Mom¡¯soffice. I found her with her eyes closed, panting slowly as she groaned on her chair. She was red in the face and sweat pearled her face at the light of the candles. ¡°Mom!¡± I rushed to her side, clasping my hand over her forehead. It was as hot as an oven.

 Chapter 7

    I spent more than one night dabbing at her forehead, trying to help her manage her fever. I helped as I could, getting her a healing paste to spread over her nerves at the spots where her nerves collided ¨C or at least that was what I was told to do. Medicine in this world was far more backward than it had been on Earth, but my knowledge about it ended with ¡®keep your hands clean and sometimes eat a pill¡¯.


    That paste was made out of our last lilythorn seeds, and it did help to keep her fever down, at least for a little while. But with father dealing with the forge and the coming orders, I had to do more than just taking care of the garden and spend my time in my room reading.


    Besides, was I really going to let my father deal with everything? What would Madama Kishirra think about it if she could see?


    By the third day, it was clear that Mom¡¯s recovery would take time. I watched her squirm under the blankets, squeezing her eyes even against the warm candlelight. She groaned and shivered as her body tried to fight whatever infection had taken hold of her.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said holding her hand, rubbing our thumbs together. By now, we had spent so much time in the same room that it was clear her illness was not contagious. ¡°I am trying to do my best. I¡¯d want you to feel better soon.¡± But those words rang hollow even to my own ears.


    I wasn¡¯t really doing my best, was I? Mom was the one who dealt with shipment, groceries, seeds and account management for our workshop. And she was the one who talked to people.


    I could not leave all the work to my father.


    I bit my lip as I held her sweaty hand. I would have to step out of here, I would have to¡­ look people in the eyes and I would surely make a fool of myself. The thought was enough to make my stomach churn. I could feel the growing knot in my throat as I pictured myself doing what only Mom could.


    Your father and I are not going to last forever, she had said.


    Who knows what my other parents were thinking about me. Did they forget about their dead daughter?


    Some bitter-burning spot in the depths of my stomach told me they did not.


    But I shouldn¡¯t focus on this. I just had to help her, doing what I can. Talk to people.


    Get out of here.


    ¡°I have no idea how I can do that¡­¡± I groaned. The face of Madama Kishirra then appeared in front of my mind¡¯s eye, looking at me with her silver eyes. If I shall not do it, then whom?


    And she was a woman who fought day and night, who came back injured time and time again. What kind of beasts was she dealing with? On a daily basis, at that. While all I could do was cuddle up in my own room.


    What a fucking failure.


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    ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll just do what Kishirra does,¡± I replied to myself and to Mom¡¯sshivering form. I had to do better, even if it meant doing something like that. I had to. For once in my life, I had to show some form of bravery.


    I kissed the back of Mom¡¯shand and I changed the balm on her body with a fresh batch which would help her deal with the fever. Then I stepped out, passed through the garden and found my father at the furnace, as he kept working at the bellows, covered from head to toe in soot.


    ¡°Do we¡­ do we still need the new seeds shipment? And everything else?¡± I asked him. I wrung my hands in my lap, feeling like I was about to jump off a cliff.


    Through it all, I kept picturing Madama Kishirra in the garden as she put on her new armour, knowing she¡¯d face the same battles as she did every day. And she would get injured, and she would be in pain. I had to be better.


    To do better.


    ¡°I¡­ I can deal with that if we need to.¡±


    +++


    At least it had stopped raining. I hesitated on the threshold. I had been out of my house before. Of course. It was the easiest thing in the world. I surely did not need anyone to hold my hand or anything ¨C even if the thought of Madama Kishirra reaching out to help me with this was quite nice¡­


    ¡°It¡¯s not going to be that hard,¡± I tried to tell myself. I had silver in my pouch, and the streets of B¨´rian were quite safe and peaceful. Madama Kishirra fought with whatever kind of monsters every day. I could deal with a bit of social anxiety. I was supposed to be better ¨C and even if this new life of mine did not lead me to become a great hero and go on an adventure (who even wanted to go on an adventure?) I could do this. It was easy.


    It would be easy.


    Manageable?


    I would still be alive by the end of the day¡­ maybe.


    And I still had to take a step out of the door.


    ¡°Come onnn¡­¡± I gritted my teeth and pushed myself out of the way. I stepped on the cobbled street and away from the workshop. I felt each step reverberate up my spine as I looked down, trying not to meet anyone¡¯s gaze. I felt like rough cotton nipping into my skin from every side, stinging, uncomfortable. Maybe I should just keep looking down and give everyone else a wide berth.


    But wouldn¡¯t that make me even more suspicious? Or it would be better to just pretend like everything was fine and keep waving my hand at people I met, like we were old friends?


    This would have been much much easier in my old world. I would just put on a pair of earbuds and forget all about it, pretend like I couldn¡¯t hear, and most of the times nobody would come to disturb you.


    No such luck here!


    B¨´rian was a busy city, anyway. Especially on market day, when people from the countryside came in to sell their produce ¨C it was weird to see all these animals running about: chicken, dogs, calfs and sheep ¨C I surely was not used to seeing so many in my old world. Save for that time on elementary school when we visited a farm, I had never seen a cow until I came into this world.


    Now the animals were everywhere, as were people. They chatted, laughed, screamed, pushed against each other, kids ran around¡­ it was like being surrounded by waves I could not really understand, pushing me in a thousand directions at once.


    It did not feel nice, but after the first hundred steps, when nobody came out of an alley to stab me to death (a pleasant development!) my stiff shoulders finally began to relax. Maybe this would be safe enough. Maybe I would be able to go back home ¨C no matter how hard my heart thumped or how sweaty my palms were getting.


    I slithered through the crowd and entered B¨´rian¡¯s main square. The first item on my list were new linen cloths for Mom. We were running out, and I would also need to buy milk, cheese and other perishables¡­ which meant talking with many different people. All in the same day.


    I balled my fists, thinking of Kishirra. What would she do in such a situation? She would probably approach the vendor with a serene expression, greet him with kindness and order what she needed, as calm and collected as ever.


    Simple enough.


    I could do this¡­ I hoped.

 Chapter 8

    In the end, what saved me was the thought of Kishirra right there with me.


    I could at least try and copy her.


    Fake it until you make it!


    I spotted the fabric vendor to the right side of the market, and, stepping past a large cow pulling a carriage, I met with a middle-aged man who was busy folding clothing.


    ¡°G-Good morning,¡± I greeted him.


    There! Amazing! I got this. I could be as cool and collected as Madama Kishirra, no worries about that. I just had to ignore the rumble of my beating heart screaming in my ears or the need to carve a hole for myself right then and there and disappear in the dirt.


    Easy!


    ¡°Yes?¡± He replied with a nod.


    ¡°I had a list. I¡­¡± wait, would it think it weird if I pulled it out in front of him? Surely most of his customers kept these sort of things to memory.


    Why did I care so much about what he thought? I was just a customer.


    And now I was rambling again. It was always like this¡­ maybe I should just run away and make up a story about being assaulted. Father would understand and¡­


    I balled my fists.


    ¡°I would like. To buy two fathoms. Of clear wool cloth. Rough is fine.¡±


    There. The words came out of my throat like boulders, but they did get out. I let out a long breath.


    ¡°Sure thing.¡± He nodded and went to work, cutting up the needed amount. I rummaged through my backpack for the right amount of coin and paid.


    ¡°We also have linen if you need it,¡± he added as he gave me the cloth.


    ¡°Ah. No, thanks it¡¯s fine like this¡­¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you ask for rough?¡± He chuckled. ¡°Are you sure? I can give you a bit of a discount. Just for today.¡±


    ¡°I will think about it.¡± Which meant no. ¡°Thanks for everything anyway.¡±


    ¡°Right¡­ I will be here if you do think about it. Keep in mind linen goes fast, though. You won¡¯t get a better price anywhere else.¡±


    ¡°Great.¡± I put the cloth in my backpack and walked away from the stall, trying to understand what had just happened.


    I just¡­ I did it.


    It had been horrible. I could pray and kick and scream ¨C please never make me do that again!


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    But I was there.


    I put my hand against my chest as I thought about what that meant.


    Maybe I could.


    I could¡­ I could do this.


    ¡°Thank you, Madama Kishirra,¡± I muttered to myself. I could do this!


    And what was even better, the salesman did not even try to belittle me, or called me a failure, or criticise my choice of clothes.


    Which was¡­ once again, my paranoia talking.


    I had to stop being such a worried mess. People would catch up on it. Kishirra would not let herself get flat-footed like that.


    Next: cheese.


    I squared my shoulders and set my backpack a little better on them.


    Time to see how I dealt with cheese sellers now.


    +++


    By the end of the morning, I had managed to buy everything I needed¡­ and I did not die. I took a moment to rest my arms, putting the bottle of milk to the ground as I kneaded my wrists. These things were heavy. No wonder Mom managed to look so good at her age. Plenty of exercise, while I was stuck with my weak nerd arms.


    ¡°I did not die,¡± I muttered, almost too shocked to say anything more intelligent. I stepped out of my home and managed to talk to everyone, even to say ¡®good morning¡¯ and ¡®goodbye¡¯. A smile spread over my lips as excitement ran through my veins. I could do this.


    Picking up the milk once again, I hurried back home and when I came in, I immediately went to hug my father, who was still huffing and puffing at the forge.


    ¡°I did it,¡± I whispered, my heart beating so fast it sounded like thunder. ¡°I did it¡­ and they listened to me.¡± I was still trembling with excitement.


    My father pulled me into an even tighter hug, holding me against his leather apron as he ran his fingers through my hair. I was home again and for the first time since I came into this new world, I felt like I truly did something to earn this second chance.


    ¡°I could talk to them and look at them in the eyes,¡± I explained.


    ¡°It gets easier,¡± he explained, still patting my head. ¡°You know, when your mother was your age, she was also a bit like you. She used to be so shy she couldn¡¯t even speak to people unless someone spoke first.¡±


    ¡°Mom used to be like that?¡± I couldn¡¯t believe it. A far cry from how she was nowadays, the confident woman who could spend hours bartering and haggling.


    ¡°Maybe it¡¯s something in the blood. But she did get better, and you will as well.¡± He tilted his head towards the garden. ¡°I took care of her bandages and changed her bedsheet. Did you buy new cloths?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I got everything¡­¡±


    The next few minutes passed in a whirlwind of emotions. I took care of Mom, changing her clothes again and drinking fresh milk with her. It did help to turn her cheeks a little rosier. Her fever was going down and while she was still a sweaty mess, it seemed she would recover sooner than later.


    When I finished I stayed by her side, holding her hand like I did that morning. I thought of Madama Kishirra and how helpful she had been. It was also thanks to her that I managed to come out of my shell and actually talk to people. Next time I met her I wanted to tell her all about it.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe what Dad said,¡± I murmured, holding Mom¡¯ssweaty hand. ¡°Maybe it is something in the blood indeed. Thank you for being my Mom.¡± I put a kiss on her forehead. Mom¡¯s eyelids fluttered and maybe it was just me, but I thought I had seen a smile appear on her lips.


    It was all so strange ¨C maybe the circumstances of my rebirth did have some part to play in this? Maybe if it was in the blood ¨C genetic, I would have once said ¨C I did inherit something from her that influenced my own soul? I had never met anyone else who got reincarnated in this world, and the concept did not seem to be even that common or understood, so I couldn¡¯t say.


    There was an uncomfortable undercurrent of fear beneath all this: was I really myself? How much did this body influence who I was? I was myself, and I was Lugana Delebasse, and I was both.


    Food for thought, but surely for another time. I kept company to my mother, sitting next to her as I kept vigil to her feverish body.


    Madama Kishirra would have stayed there.


    So I did the same.


    I could do this.

 Chapter 9

    No way I could do this!


    ¡°Fuck, what was I even thinking,¡± I groaned, pulling the blankets over my head.


    It was a new day, and for some reason yesterday¡¯s excitement had evaporated. What sort of crazy ideas was that: going out again? Just because we needed more milk?


    Yesterday must have surely been a fluke. I felt like I could conquer the world and now I lay on my bed, hanging onto the last thread of my sanity.


    Yesterday I had been lucky, but what would everybody think if they caught me walking outside twice in a row? What kind of people even did that? I would do much better to stay inside, taking care of Mom, and maybe I could push father to go out and do the groceries.


    That was how it had always been, after all¡­


    ¡°Fuck¡­ I thought this would have been easier.¡±


    I had managed to do something amazing yesterday and now¡­ now I had to do it again? But I couldn¡¯t!


    And yet¡­ what didDad say? That it gets easier each time.


    I pulled the blankets off with a frustrated grunt and I sat on my bed, rubbing my face in frustration.


    ¡°I have to do this. I have to.¡± Mom still needed my help. It would get easier. Plus, today I only needed to refill my milk bottle. The market only took place once per week, but people from the countryside came in B¨´rian pretty much every day selling their unused milk. So I would have to do this again¡­


    ¡°What would Madama Kishirra do¡­?¡± I thought, my cheeks growing flusher at the thought of the blonde paladin. Kishirra would be there.


    She would stand tall and face the music, as I used to say back then. She was a brave Elf, and I was just a cowardly human, but maybe I could take a page from her book once again.


    Wonder how it did happen to Mom. How she turned into the confident woman she was now.


    Maybe bit by bit. Maybe once, in a time beyond reckoning, Madama Kishirra had also been afraid, but she managed to walk past her fear.


    I pictured Madama Kishirra coming back for more armour fitting, next time we met each other. We could talk. I could tell her I was trying to be a little braver. That she inspired me.


    ¡°So I either die of embarrassment, or I die of anxiety,¡± I grumbled. ¡°Nice second try at life, Lugana.¡± I stood up, balling my fists.


    Milk first. Tears later.


    +++


    ¡°I would like¡­ this¡­ this filled, please,¡± I said handing over the bottle to the farmer. He was about my age, maybe five or six years older, and he had an easy smile that put me a little more at ease. He nodded and picked up the bottle, starting to squeeze the cow¡¯s udders. The animal seemingly took it in stride, swinging its tail without a care.


    As he squished milk in, I stood in the square, looking at the overcast sky or at the rest of the city¡¯s population, coming and going. This would be over anytime soon. Then I could go home and take care of the rest of the day¡­ it would be over soon.


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    ¡°There,¡± he said, passing me the filled bottle. ¡°Say, are you the Delebasse girl?¡± His smile reached his eyes and he brushed his fingertips against mine as he took the money.


    ¡°Y-Yes. That¡¯s me.¡±


    ¡°I haven¡¯t seen you here before. But your family is famous, and does good work. I hope you will like our milk, and maybe come back to buy more next time? I could¡­ ah, it¡¯s nothing.¡± He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked away. Was¡­ he coming on to me? I felt even more awkward. This was so different from spending my time with Madama Kishirra.


    ¡°I might come back for milk,¡± I said. What would Mom say? What would Kishirra? ¡°But¡­ uh, just for the milk.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m taken!¡± I blurted out. It was a big fat lie! ¡°Anyway, thanks for the milk, I have to go back home to take care of the forge! Good day!¡± I turned and walked off, as far as I could without starting to sprint.


    My cheeks flushed even harder now. I couldn¡¯t have dealt with that in a worse manner. Surely Mom or Kishirra would have been able to explain themselves better, but¡­ I just needed to get out of there.


    Once I stepped out of the square, I stopped for a moment in the main street, catching my breath.


    ¡°You did it. Come on Lugana, you did it.¡± I said giving myself small slaps on the face.


    I picked up the bottle and walked back home ¨C on my way I noticed a couple farmers stopped talking in the middle of the streets, blocking passage. Maybe if I stood there silently and tried to make myself as small as possible, they would notice me and gently push their carts away?


    Mom would not call it a good idea.


    ¡°Uh, sorry, may I¡­¡±


    ¡°¡­ three of my calves, I tell you. Strewn about like bloodied strings. All over the place.¡±


    ¡°Happened to me too. Is that from those¡­¡±


    ¡°Do not say it out loud. It¡¯s bad luck. I think that strange woman has something to do with it.¡±


    What were they talking about?


    Oh god, was I actually going to insert myself in a couple strangers¡¯ conversation?


    ¡°Excu-se me,¡± I tried, my voice trembling like crazy. ¡°A-Are you talking about¡­ monsters or something?¡±


    The two turned to look at me and it took all my willpower not to turn away and run. I tried to take low, deep breaths. That would keep me calm. For sure.


    ¡°Maybe. Maybe it¡¯s brigands. But they usually do not turn animals into mince-meat,¡± the first one groaned. ¡°Do you know something about it, girl?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s the Delebasse daughter. It¡¯s not like she ought to,¡± said the other.


    ¡°Ah, your father is¡­? He makes the best rivets in the entire Mar da Cand¨¨a! Tell him I¡¯m going to need even more next month, and for the festival, of course! If I still have animals to keep in their pen, that is.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± I replied. ¡°You¡¯re always welcome at the¡­ at the workshop. Couldn¡¯t it have been wolves, though?¡±


    ¡°Wolves are not that cruel,¡± the other one scoffed. ¡°Berio, move your cart. We are in the way.¡±


    ¡°Maybe it¡¯s yours that¡¯s in the way,¡± but Berio, the farmer with the dead calves, complied, gently pulling his horses aside so I could pass.


    But there was something else¡­


    ¡°Did you perhaps see someone? A woman? With the calves I mean.¡±


    Berio frowned.


    ¡°Are you sure you do not know anything about this?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t! But there is a Knight who comes to our workshop to get her armour fixed from time to time. She¡¯s an Elf, you know. Madama Kishirra¡­ this tall, dark skin, blonde hair, silver eyes.¡±


    And a gentle smile, but I did not add that to the list.


    ¡°That¡­ I think I have spotted someone like that. Do you think she has something to do with my poor calves?¡±


    ¡°I really really don¡¯t! I think she¡¯s the one protecting them from whatever is out there!¡±


    ¡°Well she¡¯s doing a piss-poor job then.¡±


    I frowned. He just did not get it.


    ¡°She comes in often to get her tetrarmide plates refitted and repaired. Hooves surely are not strong enough to break those,¡± I retorted crossing my arms over my chest. How dare he accuse Madama Kishirra? ¡°There¡¯s something out there, and she¡¯s fighting it every day.¡±


    ¡°Maybe. Whatever you say, I will try to keep an eye out for this¡­ Elf.¡± He shook his head and pulled the horse further down the road. ¡°Let¡¯s go, before my eggs spoil any further¡­¡±


    They both left, and I came back home feeling even more uncertain.


    I had never gave it too much thought, but it seemed almost no one really knew about Madama Kishirra and what she was doing out there.


    All that secrecy could not be good.


    I needed to talk to her next time she came in.


    As soon as she did.


    Because she would, wouldn¡¯t she? She had to¡­

 Chapter 10

    If Kishirra thought about it, she might have started her journey way before she took the first step on the road.


    Laying on the grass, surrounded by poodles of destroyed grimy chalk, she raised her arm towards the sky, between the burning sun and the silver planetary ring.


    ¡°Peace be to the Unreturned,¡± she whispered, ¡°for they are now in the embrace of Ans¨¤rra and do not suffer the wasting.¡±


    She had prayed for the Unreturned many times even before she took the Votes. It was just that she had praying the wrong way.


    The journey that brought her here, on the shores of this inland sea, watching over people considering her a weird outcast who sometimes stepped into their town, and rarely into their lives.


    Which was fine by her.


    It had been enough, at least until she met the Delebasse girl. She had pulled her once again into attachment to life, to all its treacherous joys. She raised her other hand, flexing her fingers. Did she want to grasp the Sun? Or maybe she just let sunlight play between her fingers. How would those Mannish fingers feel entwined with her own? Just as warm, just as gentle?


    Perhaps.


    She wanted to see her again.


    ¡°Starless night, what a mess.¡±


    She closed her eyes, and came back to that moment. The moment that set her on this journey and to her Quest.


    The moment she saw the flesh of her first-of-kin turn crimson with unrelenting heat. The skin broiling, cracking at the seam like dried soil. His eyes boiling and running down his cheeks as his bones creaked and snapped and broke as easily as thin branches. And the flash of heat as his soul, once again grown too large for his body, burst in a searing roar.


    Her hand withdrew, brushing her finger over her forehead.


    All that cinder stuck to her face.


    ¡°Peace be to the Unreturned,¡± she said again.


    That was her biggest sin, wasn¡¯t it? No matter how many Chalkers she destroyed, no matter how many prayers she sang ¨C she was so selfish. She was doing this for her own good.


    The world was full of songs about brave Knights, Prodi d¡¯Ans¨¤rra much more valiant and kinder than her ¨C and there she was, a selfish Elf focused only on her own ends.


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    There was no future for her in the Elvish congress. Any connection she may make would burn and feel all the more painful for it. Let alone mingling with Mannish kind.


    But that girl¡­ she was so worried about her.


    Why would such a lovely sprout of Mannish life waste her time thinking about her? The Delebasse girl had all her life in front of her and she could do so much better than a selfish Elf bent on saving her soul from the eternal grinding maelstrom.


    She listened to her surroundings. The wind played with the grass and the trees, rustling all around her, carrying dusty chalk in grey spires.


    Kishirra set her hand against her sternum. One of her plates had been broken again. She¡¯d have to get it fixed.


    And she¡¯d have to see that girl again.


    So selfish.


    May Ans¨¤rra have pity on her soul. She was smiling like a fool already.


    +++


    I poured a little more milk in Mom¡¯s cup. She held it to her lips, drinking slowly.


    ¡°I can heat it up if you want,¡± I said, sitting next to her, putting the pile of notes on my lap as I kept her company.


    ¡°It¡¯s perfect like this,¡± she replied. Her voice was still a little raspy, but her fever was gone and she looked much better. If you looked at them long enough, her cheeks were even a little rosier. ¡°I¡¯m more stunned by the fact the workshop is still in one piece.¡±


    ¡°Mom¡­¡±


    ¡°Proud of you, Lugana,¡± she said putting her hand on mine. ¡°Your father told me all about your little expedition to the market square. Was it really so hard, in the end?¡±


    I bit the inside of my mouth. I knew that Mom was just trying to be supportive in her own way, but said that way it almost belittled everything I worked for¡­


    No. I would not allow myself to think like this. She was just trying to help. And besides I was almost her age, if I combined both my lives. I ought to know better by now.


    ¡°It was indeed that hard,¡± I replied with a huff. ¡°But being constantly afraid was harder¡­ in a way. It was more tiring. I mean ¨C I¡¯m still afraid. I still get that moment when my stomach clenches and I can¡¯t find the right words and I feel like I¡¯m completely out of place¡­ you know? But it¡¯s better than feeling like I¡¯m getting hollowed out.¡±


    ¡°I do know,¡± she said sipping through the rest of her milk. She finally set her cup on the floor. ¡°I never told you this, but there was a time when I couldn¡¯t even look people in the eye.¡±


    Dad had already told me about it, but I felt that replying with ¡®I know¡¯ would break the moment. I let Mom explain at her own pace. It was the right thing to do, wasn¡¯t it?


    ¡°I grew out of it little by little. It was also thanks to your father, you see?¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± He did not mention this.


    ¡°Oh, for sure. When you decide to spend your time with someone, things do indeed change. Your father and I¡­¡± she sighed, trying to gather more strength. ¡°We tried so hard for you. For a time I thought I just wouldn¡¯t¡­ couldn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Mom¡­¡±


    ¡°But then you did come, and that¡¯s the reason I want you to cherish every moment you have. You have a good soul in you, Lugana Delebasse. Please do not forget this.¡±


    I blushed and looked away.


    I wouldn¡¯t tell her. I couldn¡¯t.


    ¡°Now let¡¯s hear it.¡± She glanced at the notes I had collected in my lap. ¡°Forge may be fine, but I want to make sure you did not send the shop belly up while I was out of commission. Let¡¯s start with the list of provisions.¡±


    I smiled. She was truly back.


    And that meant that maybe I would be able to spend more time with Madama Kishirra when she showed up again. Soon enough, for sure!

 Chapter 11

    ¡°Say, did you hear anything about Madama Kishirra? The Elf who lives in the hills behind B¨´rian?¡±


    The cloth merchant pursed his lips. He was one of the regulars at the market and even though he did not live in town, he ought to pass through and spend a lot of time talking with people.


    He had a lifetime of experience with this. By contrast, I was once again a nervous mess, clenching my fist as I hoped my request did not make him consider me a weirdo and stop selling me cloth. Or whatever else paranoid thought my stupid mind was making up.


    ¡°There¡¯s all sorts of talks about queer folks living in the hills. The mountains are deep and full of holes, they say. An Elf wouldn¡¯t be the weirdest thing.¡±


    Deep and full of holes¡­ my mind went to the bedtimes stories Mom used to tell me when I was younger. About the gaunt and hungry things that would slither out of deep crevices in the earth to hunt and devour.


    The old me would say that those were just folklore and legends. Made up monsters to make kids go to bed in time and listen to their parents.


    The old me was a clueless girl who did not even know about her own soul, though.


    I had yet to meet the two farmers I had shared a conversation with a few weeks before. I had asked others, and some did say they saw pale shapes move between the grass, after dark. And some had spotted Kishirra from afar, even if the Elf always kept to herself.


    Something was afoot.


    ¡°Did you hear anything about weird accidents happening to farmers?¡±


    He tapped his fingers on the wood of his carriage as he folded the cloth I was buying and handed it over to me.


    ¡°Listen my dear, I have travelled far and wide.¡± He pulled down the collar of his shirt, showing a necklace filled with trinkets, silver and copper and iron. Among the others, I noticed the circle with three spikes that was the symbol of Kishirra¡¯s deity. ¡°I try to be everyone¡¯s friend, but I buy and sell cloth, and Powers only know what might crawl from the K¨¬tum. Perhaps we should all take a step back from messing into each other¡¯s affairs.¡± He smiled in a way that did not reach his eyes and handed me my purchases.


    ¡°Sure. I understand,¡± I replied, miffed. Silver exchanged hands and I picked up the new cloth, walking back home. So far I was coming up with nothing. I had heard a few more stories from farmers about what was going on in the hills, but I had yet to find a proper confirmation¡­ all I got was more anxiety to try and speak to more strangers.


    Mom said that, if anything it was good practice¡­ and I did feel like it was getting easier.


    A little bit.


    A tiny bit.


    +++


    When I met her again, I was dirty with soot from helping Dad at the forge. We were trying to make up for lost productivity when Mom got ill, and so I spent most of the day between taking care of the garden, paperwork, and helping him with the bellows and the mixture. And pushing the first draft of my book to the next day.


    When I reached the door I was covered head to toe in a soft layer of ash, and as I rubbed my eyes to welcome the customer, I stood like an idiot behind the counter.


    Kishirra had taken her armour off. She carried it in a bag, and she wore a wool cloth that hugged her waist far too closely for being something you should wear this far into spring. She also wore a thin grey cloak that hid her ears and most of her head, but I did not need to glance at her whole figure to recognise her.


    ¡°Uh¡­ good day,¡± I said, feeling as daft as a wooden doll.


    By now I was a professional conversationalist! Why did she dry up my wits like that every time? My throat burned.


    ¡°May the Sun shine at Night too,¡± she replied.


    ¡°S-Sure. I mean, that sounds good, doesn¡¯t it?¡±


    What sort of person replies like that to a greeting? I was such a fool!


    ¡°It is a blessing from the Holy Land,¡± she explained, giving me a tender smile like I was a five-year old surprised at how many fingers she could count. ¡°I use it as a way to wish you well. Our latest encounter was so fruitful, and I hope this one might also be. I still need repairs for my armour, even though I did make sure to¡­¡± she trailed off, her silvery eyes shifting towards her lap. ¡°I did take better care of myself. As a way to thank you for your gift of lilythorn from that time. Of course.¡±


    ¡°Of-of course¡­¡± was all I could say, my mouth as dry as the ash still clinging to my body. As her eyes shifted towards me once again, she hesitated as she looked at my soot-covered skin.


    Oh god, she must be thinking I was so dirty! I needed to clean this up!


    ¡°Please come on in! We can talk in the garden, just give me a moment to get ready! Dad! Madama Kishirra is coming in for a small fix! I¡¯m taking her inside!¡± I shouted as I looked for a clean rag.


    The Elf nodded, walking amidst the furnace hallway as she started to exchange words with my father. Between the strange echoes hitting the pipes and the furnace walls, I couldn¡¯t understand what they were saying, and to be frank I was much more concerned with the state I was in.


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    I did not expect her to show up so soon. And¡­ especially not dressed like that. The way the fabric lingered at her waist and at her shoulders, giving just a hint of her athletic figure, and, even if it was partly hidden by the cloak, the wool couldn¡¯t completely hide the round profile of her hips.


    She must be doing a lot of¡­ uh¡­ trekking by hunting monsters or whatever. Very good for her health. I kept rubbing ash off until I considered myself clean enough, or at least passable, and then I reached Kishirra in the garden. She was looking away from me, giving me her back.


    Hm-hm, yes. All that exercise was very good for her.


    ¡°Madama Kishirra?¡± I asked clearing my throat, pushing down the rest of my unrequired thoughts. ¡°Sorry for the delay. And for welcoming you like that. I was busy helping my father at the furnace.¡±


    ¡°No worries,¡± she replied turning to regard me with her usual smile. There was something about it today, an unusual tenderness that made my knees feel all queasy. ¡°Did you know that your forge has been manufactured by Kiengiri?¡±


    That was news to me. Never heard about this person.


    ¡°Who¡¯s ¡®Kee-henge-hee-ree¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Not a who,¡± she explained, a veil of longing falling over her grey eyes. ¡°A people. A long time ago, before the silver ring rose to cleave the sky. Before the Epochalypse. They were¡­ nevermind. I did not come here to tire your ears with old stories.¡±


    No wait, this was interesting.


    Who were these ancient people? I never knew about them, and the name sounded kind of different from everything else in this world. Even Kishirra¡¯s own name had an exotic sound to it. There was so much I did not know about her and where she came from.


    ¡°Did you meet them? These people of yours. The Kiengiri. I mean, I love old stories,¡± I pushed on. Oh, maybe this was a little hook to keep her here, talking with me. Please let it be.


    ¡°I suppose I did.¡± She frowned, running a dark hand through her golden hair, as if struck by doubt. ¡°Sometimes it is hard to remember.¡±


    ¡°Must have been a long time ago, hm? I did not know anything about this people, but if you want to talk, I can listen. I don¡¯t, uh, I don¡¯t mind listening to you, Madama Kishirra. Also! I have quite the book collection, so if you feel like sharing more of these old stories I would surely be interested,¡± I stammered, trying not to look like a fool.


    ¡°You would?¡± She blinked, pulling the armour closer to her chest, the tetrarmide plates crinkling against each other. ¡°But I thought- I have no experience in these matters. Would Mannish ears like to know about this? I am afraid I would keep talking about it relentlessly and you would fall asleep before I even finished laying out the pieces. I do not want to keep you off your duties just to listen to my ramblings and shattered memories.¡± Her cheeks grew a little darker. ¡°Perhaps it would be better to just present you with my current needs. I came here to have my armour repaired, and I did not expect a captive audience. Perhaps I was careless.¡±


    Seeing her cheeks flushed and fidgeting, stumbling over her own words sent a drop of warmth straight to my heart.


    She was right about my duties, though. I needed to help Mom finish recovering and Dad couldn¡¯t do all his work alone because I wanted to have a play-date with our best customer. Our flushed, gorgeous, embarrassed Elf who had seen all sorts of things¡­


    ¡°I do have a bit of time. Perhaps you can just tell me a thing or two? I wouldn¡¯t mind listening.¡±


    There! That sounded good enough, didn¡¯t it! Just watch me, Mom and dad! A true orator!


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t?¡± The surprised smile on her face made me want to cross the distance between us and put my head against her chest and pull her into a close hug. I could almost see myself doing so. It would have been completely inappropriate!


    And so easy.


    ¡°Perhaps¡­ how about you just tell me how you recognised our furnace as Kiengiri? That ought to be short enough, don¡¯t you think? And then we can discuss your, uh, needs.¡±


    Did it sound like I was coming onto her? Because I would not really mind if it sounded like I did. Ah, I was a confused mess already!


    ¡°How should I begin?¡± She tapped her fingers over her arm, thinking. ¡°Perhaps explaining how the manufacture evolved over the Dreamtime? Or how the winterglass grains betray their origin? When I was ordained they only asked me to recite the hymns, not explain the past. I apologise, I am rambling once again.¡±


    ¡°How about¡­¡± was I really trying to help Madama Kishirra talking with someone else? Mom¡¯s face popped up in my mind ¨C it gets easier ¨C and perhaps it was my turn to help someone else keep a cool face when trying to talk. ¡°How about you simply tell me what the furnace structure is made of?¡±


    ¡°I believe I can do that!¡± She beamed, regaining a hint of confidence. How bright her eyes were ¨C like free-flowing steel.


    She began to tell me all about the material she recognised, that black glass-like substance which I had thought was obsidian.


    ¡°It is called zaggiso by your people, but its actual name is Sab-Gi¡¯Su, which means distinguished glass. It is not even glass: instead a specific kind of ceramic, purposefully-made to withstand untold amounts of heat, that had been created by the Kiengiri for their own manufacturing needs. You can find it littered everywhere they settled, and especially here around the coast. This area used to have a heavy Kiengiri presence.¡±


    As I listened to her, the distance between us seemed to both grow and shrink. Kishirra spoke of events and people thousands of years in the past, of a changed world that was so different from the place I had been reincarnated into. And at same time, she was much more at ease than before. She stumbled upon her words a few times at first, but then her words soon grew thick with passion.


    ¡°Your furnace was probably just a recovery plant for materials,¡± she explained. ¡°The cities of the Kiengiri could use manufacturing plants a thousand times larger and more powerful than even the remnant here in B¨´rian. The air would broil with their fumes and they would produce all sorts of wonders.¡±


    ¡°That must be reason why we can only use a tiny fraction of its power,¡± I agreed, putting two and two together. ¡°Dad often told me it¡¯s like we are using a bonfire to reheat a soup.¡±


    ¡°Yes, that would be a fitting metaphor!¡± She exclaimed. ¡°Your father¡¯s way with words is commendable!¡±


    I laughed, and she flushed again.


    ¡°Oh. Did I¡­ did I speak out of turn perhaps?¡±


    ¡°No, no, it¡¯s just¡­ you are always so formal, but it¡¯s clear this is something you are passionate about. It¡¯s cute.¡±


    She blinked, bringing her fingers to the middle of her chest, as if to keep that word as close to her heart as she could.


    ¡°Cute. Nobody called me as such during my ordaining. I have¡­¡± she shook her head, her cheeks flushed so dark they were almost black. ¡°Nevermind.¡±


    ¡°So¡­ you came here today because you need more repairs?¡±


    ¡°Ah, yes. It is just a tiny thing. One of my plates got broken.¡± She opened her brigandine and showed the third plate from the left in the topmost row. It was cracked and it crinkled against the others as she shifted the cloth.


    ¡°That should take us half a day usually, but we are a bit behind schedule. I can have it repaired tomorrow, I think.¡±


    ¡°I understand. I suppose I couldn¡¯t ask for more.¡±


    I picked up her brigandine and rubbed my thumb over the cracked edge of the plate. Once again, I wondered what could break tetrarmide so easily¡­


    ¡°Madama Kishirra, can I ask you question?¡±


    ¡°If I can answer it, I will do all that¡¯s in my power to do so,¡± she nodded.


    Always so formal.


    But I had to keep a level head. No matter how cute the Elf in front of me was, there was something I had to ask her.


    ¡°What are you fighting for?¡±

 Chapter 12

    It took some time to even start getting an answer. The Elf stood in silence for at least two minutes, so long I was starting to think she had a stroke.


    ¡°Madama Kishirra?¡± I called out to her, trying to take her out of her reverie. She blinked and rubbed her hands over her wool-covered arms. ¡°Sorry. I did not mean to offend you.¡± So much for being a master orator. Maybe I really did overstep?


    ¡°I heard perfectly. I was merely taken aback. Nobody ever asked.¡±


    How to save this?


    ¡°Just start from the beginning,¡± I tried. Which, actually, was not the best way to put it to an Elf. How old was Kishirra anyway? Where I came from, Elves were functionally immortal. In stories, at least. They were fantasy characters, not flesh-and-bone beauties with a cute streak and a penchant for history. ¡°Alright, that might have been a mistake. I mean, from when you decided to come here and fight. The moment when you took the first step on your quest.¡±


    Her silver eyes lost focus. She took a step towards me and she brushed her fingers against my hair, catching a few soot flakes that still dirtied my hair. I winced.


    ¡°Ah, sorry about that, I spent all my time at the forge today and-¡±


    ¡°It began with this,¡± she replied rubbing her fingers and spreading the soot thin over her dark tips. ¡°And my desire to avoid the same fate.¡±


    ¡°Ash?¡± What was she talking about?


    ¡°My Quest brings me over the hills surrounding the city of reeds and mills,¡± she said. She set her weapon to the ground, a black poleaxe. If that was what I thought¡­


    Even now, the axe¡¯s bite looked so sharp it could cleave sunlight in two, glinting over the edge of the shaft. Everything was made of the same black not-glass of the forge. A Kiengiri relic? ¡°To weed out the illness that slithers in its bowels. Gaunt things of chalk and bone that stalk in the night.¡±


    I frowned, thinking about the stories told by the farmers.


    ¡°I have heard accounts of strange things going on in the countryside. Monsters of some kind. Mom used to tell me stories about them: are you saying they actually exist? Is that what you are trying to fight?¡±


    She nodded, balancing the poleaxe on her arms.


    ¡°Chalkers. There is One, deep beneath the earth, a mother who does not sleep and always generates foulness anew. Her will is like strings and hooks and the Chalkers are her puppets.¡± Her voice dropped, growing darker. I felt a strange wisp of fear, as if the things she was talking about could jump into the walls to grab me or my family into some black lair. ¡°Her might with each year waxes and the surface has forgotten the warmth of the Sun. In Her absence, this thing can grow stronger. I am afraid she is an echo of the Seven Sisters¡­¡±


    ¡°You are starting to get me worried.¡± And she was talking in a weird manner, seemingly more to herself than me.


    ¡°I was not¡­ it was not my intention.¡± She blinked, seemed to come back to the present, and set her poleaxe down, tugging at her collar in a way that once again made her look vulnerable and embarrassed. ¡°Sometimes I get a little bit caught up in the needs of my Quest.¡±


    ¡°So you are fighting these¡­ Chalkers. And why are you keeping this a secret?¡±


    She shrugged.


    ¡°A bright deed shines by its own light,¡± she muttered. ¡°Or at least that is what Ans¨¤rra taught me. I am much more self-centred than it may appear. Maybe I am making a mistake. I should¡­¡±


    ¡°Madama Kishirra.¡± I set my hand against her forearm. The way her grey eyes pierced mine made me feel like a butterfly, pinned to the wall by a pair of silver needles. I gulped.


    This was worse than ordering some milk.


    But I couldn¡¯t let go. I had invited her to open herself, and I wouldn¡¯t back down. I knew that if I did, something between Kishirra and I would forever break. I wouldn¡¯t let that happen.


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    ¡°I want to know about it,¡± I continued. ¡°I know I¡¯m just the girl who helps repairing your armour, but you are not alone. There is no need to. You know, I used to be so scared even to just talk with people, but over the past few weeks I¡­¡± oh god, this was going to sound so stupid! ¡°I tried to do better! And I had to because Mom was ill, but I did it because of you!¡±


    ¡°Because¡­ of me?¡±


    ¡°Y-Yes. I m-mean, it¡¯s not l-like I was thinking about you specifically, I mean, not like that I¡­ I mean that I did find you as an inspiration! You are always out there in the wilderness, doing who know what, living who knows where. And when you come back you are always bruised, bleeding even! I¡¯m worried! Allow me to be worried!¡± I stopped to catch my breath. That was probably the longest string of words I had shared with her so far, and during it I had leaned forward, so close that I could feel Kishirra¡¯s breath gently break against my forehead.


    When did I reach that close?


    ¡°Just¡­ please don¡¯t leave.¡± I rubbed my hands together as her brigandine crinkled, spread as it was over my arms. ¡°Tell me more about it. About what you are fighting, about your goddess, even. About you. I can listen.¡±


    Kishirra spent a long moment looking at me again, her green eyes roaming over my face.


    ¡°Then, if you will listen, I can talk,¡± she smiled. ¡°Just let me know if lose myself in my own words.¡±


    +++


    Kishirra sat with the reed-smith girl in the middle of the garden.


    No, not the girl- Lugana. Lugana Delebasse. That was her name.


    They sat together beneath a large tree, and for the longest time, neither spoke, and both listened. She held her poleaxe in her arms, trying to gather her bearings and set her mind into proper motion. Words bubbled against the forefront of her mind, and she did not know which one to choose. There was just too much to say ¨C each of the thousand directions she could carry this flashed over her mind like the endless facets of Ans¨¤rra¡¯s will.


    In the end, she had to accept her limits in this as well. She sighed, and started to pull on the end of a single thread.


    ¡°My weapon is far older than I am.¡± She handed Lugana her poleaxe and the girl accepted it, weighing it in her hands.


    ¡°This must be Kiengiri. Sab¡¯gi-su, you said? ¡± She asked.


    Pretty and smart.


    Powers above, she was going to make a fool of herself once again, wasn¡¯t she?


    ¡°It is. I do not exactly know where it comes from or who built it. And what is even more wondrous, that single poleaxe is naught but¡­¡± she caught herself. ¡°Apologies. I¡¯m speaking like that again. Old habit.¡± She better watch it.


    ¡°I don¡¯t mind,¡± Lugana replied with a smile. ¡°It¡¯s cute.¡±


    Second time she had been deemed cute in such a short time! Ah, her treacherous heart was starting to beat far too quickly.


    ¡°Perhaps but¡­ ah. Nevermind.¡± She was having such a hard time talking to her. And this was the same girl who was inspired by her Quest? She could consider it too prideful a thought. But it was mostly thanks to her faith, so she could accept it. ¡°What I mean is that the Kiengiri produced many artefacts. Wonders that we are unable to match in our age. Poleaxes. Furnaces.¡± She took a deep breath. Her eye caught more soot tangled in the girl¡¯s locks, but she resisted the impulse to reach out for them. ¡°And Elves.¡±


    Lugana¡¯s lips parted in a silent gasp.


    ¡°You are a robot?¡±


    ¡°I beg your pardon?¡±


    ¡°Sorry, sorry, that was¡­. it¡¯s not even a word here. I mean, are you like¡­ an artefact?¡±


    ¡°Not one made of steel and glass, no.¡± Robot? That sounded foreign. She did not take this girl as a traveller ¨C in fact she had said she used to spent all the day huddled in her room. Queer. And intriguing. ¡°But we were made, and not born. We cannot infuse ourselves into other beings like you do.¡±


    Lugana frowned, then blushed again, her cheeks growing redder.


    ¡°Oh. Like that. I see.¡±


    ¡°Our likeness is shaped from the matters of our soul imprinting onto the world. It¡¯s paper folded upon itself in a new shape, one the world would not forget.¡±


    ¡°So that¡¯s why your name sounds so different! Kishirra is a Kiengiri name, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Perhaps dangerously smart?


    ¡°Good guess. My likeness is also Kiengiri, at least partly so.¡± She pulled up her sleeve, exposing more of her arm. ¡°Our sable skin tone, our thin and long noses, our thin lips, our bright eyes and long straight hair: they were all fashioned after Kiengiri likeness. Though¡­¡± Kishirra wrapped a lock of blonde hair around her finger and played with it a little. ¡°As far as I know their hair used to be so black they shone azure, and their eyes were a deep blue as well, so I do not represent their looks well. Perhaps some of us were made with variations in mind, like you would breed different species of pets.¡±


    Lugana stiffened at that word.


    ¡°Pets,¡± she repeated, and the word sounded so bitter between her lips. ¡°Why would they¡­ some sort of genetic modification? Were you spliced between humans and other creatures?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea what your words mean,¡± she replied. ¡°But I doubt it was that simple. You see, our kind is¡­ anchored in a way that no other living being is. As I said, a fold upon a fold that the world cannot forget.¡±


    She pulled her knees towards her chest, as if to hide herself. Kishirra briefly wondered if this, too, had been implanted into her soul millennia ago, under a sky still unburned by silver.


    ¡°I have been here before,¡± she confessed. Ans¨¤rra may have pity on her soul, it was the first time she was talking with another being about this ever since she got ordained. ¡°This is my third life.¡±

 Chapter 13

    She was like me.


    In a way.


    I was not sure.


    She was like me!


    I had so many questions. I wanted to stop her, and yet I wanted to keep listening until my ears fell off.


    ¡°What¡­ uh¡­ sorry. Sorry. Go on.¡±


    This is my third life.


    Kishirra nodded, her hand reaching for my hair, and she pulled off more ash stuck to my locks.


    ¡°You asked how it began. It began with cinders.¡± Her grey eyes lost themselves in memories, turning dull as she recounted. I scooted a little closer, pretending it was just to listen better, but I actually wanted to hold her against me. Was she a returner just like me? But she never mentioned Earth. What was going on?


    ¡°Whatever the Kiengiri did to give life to our kind, they mismatched our bodies to our souls. We are a hardy bunch: we share in many of the boons our creators had: we are swifter, hardier, and more resistant than proper Men. But our souls do not pass on.¡± She sighed, balancing her open palms like the plates on a scale. ¡°When we die, our souls retain our previous experiences, though only some of the memories. Over time, with each great cycle our souls incarnate and fold again, rebuilding a proper body for themselves. We grow stronger with each cycle.¡± A pause. ¡°And for a time, it is good.¡±


    But then¡­ maybe I was starting to put the puzzle pieces together. If their bodies were mismatched compared to their souls, what would happen to Elves who strained themselves too much, who learned too much, during their life?


    ¡°It starts with a sense of confusion,¡± Kishirra resumed. ¡°Memories get muddled. We long for people who are long gone, and we cannot find them. Friends are dust. Lovers are echoes at the edge of blindness. And with each cycle, our soul strains our bodies a little further. We can contain it less and less. Our time grows short.¡±


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    ¡°You are¡­¡±


    ¡°Like a wave contained to a pond. But each time it crashes upon the shore, it grows a little higher. In time, the wave bursts into pure chaos, and the soul rips itself apart.¡± She rubbed her fingertips together. ¡°And our bodies turn into ash.¡±


    ¡°What a horrible way to die. I¡¯m sorry, I¡­¡±


    ¡°Die?¡± She interrupted me with a grim expression. ¡°If only.¡±


    ¡°Wait, do you mean-¡±


    ¡°The soul cannot pass on.¡± She traced cycles with her finger in the air. ¡°It is folded upon itself and imprinted into the world, an echo that will not disappear. Knots tying themselves up over and over. Our soul keeps stretching and stretching, trying to anchor itself to a new incarnation, but no flesh would properly welcome it. It burns itself up in burst after burst, turning more vicious each time. Memories, identity and desires get stretched and warped, and all that remains in an ever-lasting wail of madness and pain, gnawing on itself. In time, it seeps into the earth and stains the land with its madness. Many dangerous places of this world used to be brave and kind Elves.¡±


    ¡°Oh my god,¡± I hissed, covering my mouth in shock. ¡°That¡¯s even¡­ that¡¯s worse than I could imagine. Are you going to¡­ end up like that? Please tell me you won¡¯t!¡± I leaned forward, holding her hands in my own. ¡°Is there a cure? Anything I can do? I¡¯m just a reedsmith, but there must be something we can do!¡±


    ¡°Your concern is-¡± Madama Kishirra stuttered, and she stumbled on her next words. I was holding her hands, but for the first time I felt like I could deal with a bit of embarrassment. This was too important, I was not going to let go! ¡°Endearing. I already told you I have Someone who is going to take care about it. If I manage to take this Quest of mine seriously, that is. If I pass my Test.¡± She hesitated for a moment. ¡°Then, in a few short dozens of years, Ans¨¤rra will have pity of my soul. I am going to earn the right to sit next to her above the stillborn stars¡­ and that¡¯s also the reason why I told you I am such a terribly selfish person.¡± She gently detached our hands and folded hers in her lap. ¡°I am doing this to save myself from an eternity of pain. Please do not worry yourself over it: you are of Mannish breed, and your souls are free to pass over when your time comes. There is no need to be upset.¡±


    I balled my fists. It wasn¡¯t right. Why did she have to fight every day just to do something that to all of us would come naturally? And to avoid such a horrible fate.


    And all alone.


    ¡°Madama Kishirra, I¡­¡± could I tell her? That I was a Strander. That I understood her better than anyone else could! That she could open herself fully with me, that I would be able to feel her pain and her loneliness, and that thanks to her I could even look people in the eyes nowadays! ¡°I wanted to say¡­¡±

 Chapter 14

    I had been so stupid.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t I tell her! I was so close! I was¡­ damn it!¡± I punched my pillow with the rage of a thousand men and it flopped sadly onto the floor. I let myself fall against the bed, letting out a long sigh.


    It had been six hours since our conversation, and night was rapidly advancing in B¨´rian. From outside came the gentle lamplight and the soft creaking of windmills, together with the humming of the furnace¡¯s pipelines. The Kiengiri furnace.


    No idea how to feel about it. The ancient machine from which the livelihood of my family depended¡­ it belonged to the race of beings that had condemned Kishirra and those of her kind to such a doom.


    I had yet to meet one and I already hated all of them.


    Why would they even do something like that?


    Scratch that, I would never met them ¨C they were all extinct, which meant that there was no fixing Kishirra, or anyone of her race.


    ¡°What a mess. And all I can do is count the reed¡¯s growth and blush when speaking with people.¡± Which was true, but it did not really sound that good when you put it like that. ¡°Unless¡­¡±


    I sat on the creaking bed, raking through my brain to find a solution. What was the thing that helped me to get out of my room? The thought of Madama Kishirra fighting her personal battle while I wasted my life away.


    What was it that had kept me from going up in flame every time I tried to look people in the eye?


    Dumb luck.


    But so far it had helped.


    Maybe I could not do much to help Kishirra by myself.


    ¡°But that¡¯s the problem, isn¡¯t it? it¡¯s because you are always trying to do everything all on your own, and she¡¯s trying to do everything all on her own, so how could the two of you even work something out? It¡¯s making me go crazy!¡± I gripped the pillow and shook it, trying to focus my fury on its softness. ¡°No wonder you two can¡¯t get anything done! You are both a pair of dumb loners who couldn¡¯t count to three! You are a big dumbass, Lugana Delebasse, that¡¯s what!¡±


    The peak of anger passed, leaving me even more tired than before.


    I slumped on the bed, panting softly.


    I couldn¡¯t do anything to help her on my own.


    And then it hit me.


    I couldn¡¯t do anything on my own.


    But¡­ maybe if I¡­


    ¡°Oh, this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas.¡± With a groan, I pulled the blankets over my head and tried to forget about it. I was not going to do anything like that. It wouldn¡¯t help!


    And besides it would require me to spend even more time outside. Out of my comfortable room where I had everything that I needed, and it did not matter if a kind and tragic Elf was not there to stroke my head with her smooth hands and to tell me everything was going to be alright.


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    ¡°I am not going to do it. That¡¯s final!¡±


    +++


    It started a few days after her last conversation with the Delebasse girl. Kishirra crouched over the carcass, running her fingers through the short hairs.


    At least she had arrived quick enough this time.


    ¡°Rest now,¡± she whispered, closing the eyes of the sheep. There were a couple more laying about, but the majority of the flock had managed to flee uphill. For once, what lay strewn over the rocks was the remains of a pack of three Chalkers.


    Perhaps she had put a little too much effort into it. This was not her battle. She was here to complete her Quest and kill the source responsible for these monsters, not to take care of these people.


    Just to pass her Test¡­ and understand what it exactly may it be.


    Nothing else.


    But it was hard to think the same way she always did, now that she had spent so much time with the Delebasse girl.


    Lugana. She could say that name, at least in her own head.


    Kishirra turned to pick up her poleaxe from the corpse of the closest Chalker. She had managed not to break even a plaque this time. maybe she should have had, otherwise how could she meet with Lugana once again? She must have scarred the poor Mannish girl with tales of her kind and the Kiengiri. She ought to be more careful in the future if she wanted to keep a good memory of her until the end.


    Then again, why did she care so much?


    These days her thoughts were confused and her heart troubled. She ought to spend more time in prayer. One could hope to get a better hold upon her emotions upon their third life, but she was a fool, and a terribly dull one.


    ¡°Hey,¡± came a male voice from a distance. Kishirra¡¯s fine ears picked up the direction and she turned to the left, where she spotted a pale face peeking through the rocks. ¡°Was that you? Are you the one who messed with my flock?¡± It seemed to come from a Mannish shepherd, likely the one who used to own the poor animals.


    Kishirra steeled her heart. This was one of the reasons she did not want to deal with these people. They would not comprehend what she did, and she did not even have the excuse of noble goals to justify herself.


    ¡°I did not touch your animals,¡± she replied. ¡°I just had to dispatch a group of far more dangerous predators.¡±


    ¡°Stop being obnoxious, son,¡± said another voice, older and rougher. A springy old man stood up from behind the rocks, pulling with him a younger male who must have been his offspring. ¡°Excuse us for his tone, Madama. He¡¯s just upset about them circumstances, he is.¡±


    Kishirra blinked.


    That was new.


    She had expected a discussion, perhaps an argument.


    ¡°Whatever you want to me to say,¡± the son replied, sighing. ¡°It does not change the fact three more sheep died.¡±


    ¡°That may be so,¡± Kishirra interjected. ¡°And more would, if it had not been for¡­¡± she bit her tongue. Was she going to fall under the sway of her pride? If it had not been for my vigilance.


    But she was just looking out for herself.


    This had been a mistake.


    ¡°Peace,¡± she stated holding up her hand, three fingers sticking out in the universal greeting sign of the Holy Land. These people should know about it, or otherwise pick it up. ¡°I will be leaving now. Apologies if I was not able to save all of your flock.¡± She turned to jump towards the next cliff. If she was quick she could get some time to retire and pray a little. Withdrawing herself from the world would do her good.


    Surely it couldn¡¯t make things any worse.


    ¡°Hey! Madama Elf!¡±


    Kishirra stopped. What else might they want from her now? Reparations over a few dead animals?


    ¡°I apologize,¡± the younger of the two said, lowering his gaze. ¡°Those sheep are all we have, and we have been losing calves all year. So if you helped kill those beasts or whatever those were¡­ thank you.¡±


    Kishirra frowned. The father laughed.


    ¡°What he wants to say is that he¡¯s sorry for speaking ill of you. Ah, and we have cheese and beer at our farm, if you¡¯d like them. As thanks!¡±


    The older man smiled. He was at least sixty paces away, so Kishirra couldn¡¯t pinpoint every wrinkle on his skin with absolute precision, but he seemed to have honest intentions.


    A strange feeling bloomed in her heart. Surely this was yet another pitfall of her pride.


    She was doing this for herself. She was doing this because she did not want to become like her next-of-kin. There was no room in her heart for sheep, nor shepherds.


    But perhaps there was room for them in the embrace of Ans¨¤rra.


    Biting her lip, trembling with every step, Kishirra turned and walked towards the two.

 Chapter 15

    ¡°W-what i-if-if she¡¯s nice?¡± I stammered. I wasn¡¯t making a compelling argument, but I was trying my best, honest! ¡°I mean, if she meant harm, she could have done so much earlier.¡±


    The two shepherds turned to look at each other, sharing a sceptical look.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± the younger said, shaking his head. ¡°An Elf is ill news. They only bring bad omens, or bad memories.¡±


    ¡°That might be true, but ever since we spotted her at the farm, less sheep end up dead,¡± his father retorted, scratching his chin. ¡°Perhaps there is some truth to the words of this girl. Why do you care so much, anyway? She your friend?¡±


    ¡°Uh-uh-uhm,¡± I stammered, unable to say anything that did not resemble a stuttering whimper. ¡°She¡¯s¡­ a recurring customer. I¡¯m just trying to protect the family¡¯s income. That¡¯s all!¡±


    The two men shared a look and the old one shook his head, a grin peeking from the corner of his lips.


    ¡°So a friend. Perhaps there is some truth to what you are saying. We will keep it in mind if we see her again.¡±


    ¡°Thank you! Please keep that in mind for the future!¡± I waved at the two of them as they left, trying not go up in flame like a pile of dry firewood.


    Mom and Dad both said it was going to get easier, but maybe it didn¡¯t¡­ I was just getting a little more used to it.


    I let a long breath through my nose and turned towards the market square.


    ¡°Good morning once more!¡± I greeted the cheese vendor. ¡°Nice to see you again here, I would like to talk a bit about the Elf who lives on the hills, do you have a moment?¡±


    +++


    Fall announced itself with a storm of freezing rains, six days in a row.


    Coincidentally, it happened during the Crimson Days, when the planetary ring tilts right in front of the sun ¨C which would have turned the entire sky a dark shade of rust for the whole time, but together with the copious rains it looked like we had to pass through six days of night.


    And it never stopped pouring for one moment.


    It got so bad that I had to help with fixing the roof, just to make sure our seals held tight and no water fell into the furnace.


    ¡°I can understand why,¡± I huffed as I crouched on the roof, pulling the mantle tighter around my body as I helped Dad affix a new plate of terracotta to our water seals. It was hard to see, and we had to lit lamps in the middle of the day.


    Rain pattered all over the shingles and it covered the world in a red-grey curtain. All I could see was the faint outline of the closest mills and building. The line of the hills nothing more than a rusty shape, like the back of a slumbering beast. Kishirra was still out there.


    Somewhere.


    I hope she had found a dry place where to get herself some respite from the rain and the Crimson Days.


    ¡°You want to keep water from sloshing into the furnace,¡± I said handling him a new pair of nails. ¡°It would be a pain to dry the entire conduit.¡± I surely was not looking forward to it.


    ¡°Hm? Oh no, Lugana, nothing like that.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s to avoid water meet whatever else lays in those tubes and pipelines. Didn¡¯t you notice we never have to clean the upper turbines of the furnace?¡±


    That¡­ had never actually occurred to me, but now that he mentioned it, it did make sense. We never did anything like that.


    ¡°That¡¯s because they clean by themselves. I had an accident fifteen years ago when during a storm water rushed in and the furnace coughed sputtering blue flames for three days. I couldn¡¯t work with it for a week. Maybe you don¡¯t remember.¡±


    I didn¡¯t. Maybe I had been just too young.


    Must be another Kiengiri thing. After all, not even Kishirra knew what we were dealing with.


    ¡°Almost done!¡± Dad finished hammering in a few more nails and then he ran his fingers down the new seal, checking the newly-reinforced seal. ¡°All good. Pick the tools up, we can get down.¡±


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    I did as I was told and then I rushed in for a warm bath. Mom had already prepared it, and as I listened to the rain prickling its fingers against the glass I felt doubly-grateful we managed to get the seals done in time.


    It was also thanks to me, in way. When the clouds first came to the horizon, my parents were both busy and we couldn¡¯t have gotten enough seals in time. It was up to me to go to the market and check if they still had enough wax for sale.


    ¡°I was so much more worried about the storm and Kishirra than talking with others¡­¡± I muttered looking at my hands. ¡°Progress. I¡¯m making progress. I just hope you¡¯re safe out there.¡±


    But then again, she probably was. She was a tough cookie, Kishirra.


    My cheeks blushed a little harder than the hot water warranted as I thought about the other thing I had been looking forward, other than a bit more sun.


    ¡°The lemon festival is coming soon.¡± I bit my lip, my heart thundering like the overhead storm. It had been a long time since I had been there, but I starkly remembered the feasts, the dances, music and the final bonfire to celebrate the end of the old year and the new one. Kishirra might like it too. ¡°I am going to ask her to come.¡±


    +++


    Thunder exploded against the curtain of the sky, carving the battered form of one female Elf, panting and heaving as she gathered the last of her strength.


    She was surrounded by smoking corpses, the chalk-like matter of their bodies dissolving like wet paint in bleached rivulets and muddy pools.


    Around her, other gaunt and hooked figures waited, wavering back and forth. They might have looked like confused marionettes, puppets waiting for the hand that pulled the strings to relay their orders through their limbs.


    ¡°Such an important occasion,¡± Kishirra sputtered. ¡°You came out of your lair to greet me. I ought to feel honoured.¡± She heaved and then she put herself upright, picking up her poleaxe out of the dirt and pointing the polished not-glass at another pale figure. Unlike the others, it was distinctly female, wearing a long white robe that wavered opposite to the wind. Streams of rainfall sizzled against her skin as if they hit a searing pan. A single fragment of what looked like a gem shone with a cold blue light in the middle of the figure¡¯s chest.


    That detail did worry her. She had her suspicions but that hungry azure light¡­


    I had to extend my congratulations. Your prowess is nary a compliment to your inane stubbornness, but it is endearing.


    ¡°Touching.¡± Kishirra drew a breath. She was losing blood. It flew down a cut on her abdomen, pouring out thick and golden. It was as if someone had opened her midsection to find a reservoir of glistening resin. Wonder if her former Kiengiri makers also bled gold? Or was it something they had added to her kind just because they liked it?


    She could not focus on such matters right then.


    The face of the Lugana Delebasse girl flashed behind her eyes like another thunder. She was here for her as well.


    She was trying to do what was good.


    Defeating these monsters and their puppeteer ¨C this was her Test.


    Can you at least stop lying to yourself? The figure in white asked. Her face soured and she raised an accusing finger towards Kishirra. You are not here for her. You are not here for your fake sunny goddess. You are here to save your own skin. Because you cannot live with yourself and the consequences of what you are. And where has that brought you?


    Kishirra blinked tiredly, trying to shake off the raindrops. She was so worn-out. Her body ached, her bones felt like they had been replaced with thin glass ¨C if she made a wrong move her body would shatter in a thousand shards. Another thunder flashed her shadow against the ground, specked with the gold from her blood.


    Where did that take her? Hopefully, one step closer.


    But it was true that she was out there for herself and herself only.


    ¡°It matters not.¡± She closed her eyes, focusing her will. She had only to resist a couple more minutes.


    The other would get tired. She would slither back into the deep pits beneath the hills, and she would trouble her no more. She would do her duty. Then she could go find the Delebasse girl and ask for more help¡­


    And here we go with more selfish desires, the smoky voice said, insinuating through her own thoughts like a snake in the shadows. You could just let go and pick her up. Nobody could stop you, nobody ought to. Take your little girl and go be happy somewhere else, away from the pain and the hurt and the sorrow. Or what will happen when one day you are not strong enough and¡­


    She did not finish, leaving the threat lingering.


    Kishirra gritted her teeth.


    ¡°By sunrise, we wake up with bright thoughts.¡± She placed both hands on her weapon. A small bout of heat roared from inside her stomach up, a warmth that spoke of long pleasant summers, of sunlight peering the green leaves of trees, or laughter shared among father and daughter. Her skin, usually so dark, began to glow with a faint golden hue.


    You would just tire yourself up.


    ¡°By midday, we share bright words with each other.¡±


    The heat increased. Her hands glowed even brighter ¨C she aimed her weapon at the figure in white, still holding her eyes closed. She did not need her eyes to aim. She did not need her eyes to see.


    She had Someone else who saw for her. Ans¨¤rra had taken pity on her lack of faith, on her lack of strength and on her cruel destiny.


    And see how selfishly you repay such kindness.


    No-


    No, she was not just¡­


    She was¡­


    Kishirra shuddered. The heat waned, the cold air seeping into her bones. The light around her fizzled.


    No.


    She had to be better.


    She had to do better.


    Like Lugana.


    ¡°And by eventide, we have done bright deeds.¡± She gritted her teeth ¨C it wasn¡¯t her hope that mattered, it wasn¡¯t her frailty that mattered. She was merely a conduit. She had been allowed to share in the warmth of Ans¨¤rra.


    A thin bout of golden flames ran down the Kiengiri weapon. They sizzled and fizzled, sputtering like wet firewood.


    It would have to do.


    Kishirra charged the closest Chalker with a shrill scream.


    +++


    By the next morning, rain had washed over every stain but her shame.


    She lay on the grass, looking up at the dawn as it rolled past the edge of the hills. Kishirra¡¯s hand rose, three fingers extended. She lay in the mud, and her back ached.


    Her whole body did, in fact ¨C but nowhere as much as her heart.


    Her brigandine lay ripped, showing her wounded body.


    Kishirra made to raise her hand to the sky, but her arm did not move, did not even twitch. She was too weak.


    Too much of a failure.


    Too selfish.


    ¡°Peace be to the Unreturned,¡± she muttered.


    Nobody answered her.

 Chapter 16

    I had never looked forward to the lemon festival. Not like this.


    It used to just mean the end of the year.


    Before I met Madama Kishirra, I spent that night cuddled up in my room, with my books, trying to push away the echoes of the sounds coming from the outside. Who needed to get out there, with the songs and the dances and the drinks, when everything I needed was at arm¡¯s reach?


    It was a weird thought to have in that moment, standing atop a ladder as I knotted one more green ribbon to the lemon branch.


    ¡°Is this alright?¡± I asked to the guy who sold me milk a few months before. His name was Berardo, if I remembered correctly, but I was not sure enough to try and call him by his name. It was either that or ¡®dude¡¯ and I doubted people in this world knew what a ¡®dude¡¯ was.


    Maybe I¡¯ll just put his name to memory as the milk guy.


    ¡°Yes, that¡¯s good, but please tighten the other one a little more,¡± he pointed his finger at another branch, where in fact the ribbon hung a little too loose.


    ¡°Sure.¡± I leaned to the right and fixed it. It felt weird to be doing the same thing as many other B¨´rian inhabitants, all of them busy fixing more decorations, getting the lemon liquor prepared or affixing the candles everywhere. The festival would officially begin by the afternoon, but the most important parts always happened by night.


    These people did not know about fireworks, but they had their own traditions. The biggest attraction was a large bonfire which represented the bad things from the old years giving way to the good things to come for the new one. Unlike on Earth, they celebrated the new year at the start of fall, when they first got together for grape harvest. It was yet another weird aspect that used to bug me to no end.


    Like speaking to people.


    I mean, it¡¯s not like I enjoyed it or anything. I would still very much prefer to leave and hike on the hills, looking for more interesting herbs and flowers to add to my book ¨C I was going to start it, honest!


    But maybe my efforts over the last few weeks would allow Kishirra to feel a little bit more at home here. People would recognize her name when she walked around.


    If nothing else, I was still looking forward to her company.


    Wonder where she was now¡­


    ¡°Hey are you alright?¡± The guy (Milk Dude) from below shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth. I blinked.


    ¡°Sorry, I was just lost in thought. I think everything¡¯s alright here. Do you need anything else? Maybe some help with the candles?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s always like that,¡± said Mom¡¯s voice, coming from below. She looked up at me with a strange smile, cocking her head to the side. ¡°A bit lost in her own world.¡±


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    I blushed atop the ladder. She had no idea what that meant.


    ¡°Mom!¡± My voice quivered and I grasped at the ladder with my suddenly-sweaty palms. What was she doing here? ¡°Why are you here?¡±


    ¡°I did not plan to, but something happened. It¡¯s your friend, the Elf. She¡¯s at the forge, and she¡¯s hurt.¡±


    I jumped down the ladder in one swift movement.


    +++


    Moments later, I entered the garden, still huffing from the mad dash through the streets of B¨´rian. Kishirra lay on a blanket in the middle of the garden, looking up at the empty sky. Her armour lay at her side, the plaques broken.


    Her eyes were closed.


    ¡°Ki-shirra!¡± I shouted, my voice broken from exhaustion, squeezed thin by the cold grip on my heart. ¡°What happened? Why are you here?¡± I crouched next to her on the blanket, checking on her blankets. Why was she here? How did¡­


    ¡°She was brought to our door by a farmer. She¡¯s alive,¡± my father said, coming up from behind a tree. He was holding a large steaming cup. ¡°Here. I tried to make something good for her wounds, but I¡¯m neither you nor your mother. Please tell me everything is alright.¡±


    I gave it a sniff. A bit low on the dragroot contents, but it seemed to be passable.


    ¡°You did not put Nightshale into it, did you?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s good then.¡± He gave it to me and tilted his head.


    ¡°She came in looking for you. We did not know what to do besides going to look for you.¡± A sheepish smile appeared on his face. ¡°At first I even tried to look for you in your room.¡±


    ¡°Ah. Yes, that would have been¡­¡± I did not even need to finish that line. Dad patted my shoulder and walked past Kishirra.


    ¡°Where is her weapon?¡± I asked.


    ¡°The poleaxe?¡±


    ¡°Yes. Where is it?¡±


    ¡°She left it at the entrance.¡±


    Not good.


    ¡°Can I leave you with her?¡±


    ¡°Y-Yes. Thanks. Ask Mom if she can get something for her wounds ready, a bit more dragroot would be perfect! She¡¯ll know what to do!¡±


    ¡°Alright.¡± He gave me one last smile and disappeared towards the entrance.


    I crouched next to Kishirra and tilted her head so that she could drink a bit of the potion. It would revitalise her senses. I called the sensation of being outside and dealing with the decorations weird, but this was¡­ weirder. Her skin was so warm and smooth, even with all the cuts and bruises criss-crossing it.


    Kishirra frowned and she opened her left eye. Her right one was swollen and it just twitched.


    ¡°You are alive,¡± I croaked. ¡°Oh, thank god!¡±


    That seemed to make her deflate. She looked down, all life left her opened eye.


    ¡°Hey. Madama Kishirra. Stay with me. Drink this, it will help you feel better.¡±


    She hesitated ¨C then pursed her lips and I poured a few drops of the drink into her waiting lips. She drank bit by bit. The battered Elf let out a long sigh and fell on the blanket, panting heavily like I did when I burst through the doors.


    ¡°I apo¡­ logize,¡± she stuttered. ¡°I did not want to intrude. I might have left my weapon in your father¡¯s care, but I am afraid I do not have money for repairs to my armour anymore. You would do well getting rid of me soon.¡±


    ¡°Do you think I care about that? You rest now, and let¡¯s hope that your OP Elven metabolism does its job.¡±


    ¡°Meta¡­ what?¡± She asked, her eyes already clouded. The medicine was taking effect. I leaned forward.


    ¡°Nevermind. There¡¯s¡­ there¡¯s a thing or two about me I haven¡¯t told you yet.¡±


    Was I actually. going to tell her? I shuddered with fear just as she shuddered with fever. Kishirra groaned and fell into slumber. It seemed herbal remedies might work even better on her than expected.


    I regarded her silent form, sleeping on the makeshift mattress in the middle of the garden.


    ¡°Wow.¡± I couldn¡¯t hold my wonder in. Even bruised like she was, or perhaps even more so for it, Kishirra looked as gorgeous as ever. The fine traits of her face reminded me of the fairy-like figures I read about in my old world.


    How would she react if she knew the truth about me? How would it play out with her faith?


    ¡°I will find out later.¡± Blushing like the crimson cranes in the garden, I picked up a clean rag and began to dab at her forehead again.

 Chapter 17

    If there was another thing I missed from my old life was a damn cellphone. I had to sit next to Kishirra for what felt like hours, praying that her breaths wouldn¡¯t get any thinner. If possible, her skin had gotten paler. Or rather, greyer, like whatever blood ran through her veins withdrew from her skin, leaving her usually-vibrant chocolate complexion looking more like the underside of an old and forgotten tree, left alone to rot in the middle of the forest.


    Mom had come to lend me a hand, but she had left in a hurry when more pressing business had required her attention. She had stamped a kiss over my head and left me alone with a still-sweating Kishirra. I tended to her wounds and made sure to look away when I had to dab at her side, or on her chest.


    ¡°Seriously, how can someone be this effortlessly gorgeous¡­¡± I muttered, feeling the same heat coming off her body right against my cheeks. I felt like a mangled sprout next to a verdant tree. ¡°It can¡¯t be right.¡± I picked up a strand of her golden hair between my fingers.


    ¡°If anything she seems to be responding very well,¡± said my father¡¯s voice from behind me.


    ¡°Eh!¡± I yelped, jumping on the spot. How much did he hear? ¡°D-Dad! Don¡¯t sneak up on me like that!¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t,¡± he replied with a smirk. He was still covered in soot, more than usual. He held a slice of vegetable pie and a large pot of water in his hands. Was he going to have dinner here?


    In fact, how long had I been here with Kishirra?


    My stomach grumbled.


    I just remember to get hungry.


    ¡°I tried to call you three times, but you were a little too focused on your friend here,¡± he chuckled, setting the pie on a towel right next to me. ¡°Please eat something, or we will have two in our care.¡±


    ¡°What time is it now¡­?¡± I quickly covered Kishirra¡¯s body and took a bite of the pie. It tasted salty and more delicious than I remembered. My stomach growled in appreciation.


    ¡°It¡¯s the fifth hour by the afternoon,¡± he said pointing his finger up the sky. It was starting to get dark fast, and the planetary ring glowed a stark silver, so clear it almost looked white against the cobalt sky. He sat right next to me and nodded towards the sleeping Elf.


    ¡°How is your friend?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea,¡± I replied between bites. ¡°I would expect that goddess of hers to help heal her wounds, if anything.¡±


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    ¡°Ans¨¤rra,¡± Dad corrected me. ¡°I had to forge weapons for a whole company of Her Knights, once. You were five at the time, likely don¡¯t remember it. I have seen the light in the eyes of those men and women, and this Elf shines even brighter. If Ans¨¤rra does not help her, there might be something more serious going on than a fever.¡±


    ¡°But I think the heat is going down. That must mean something, right?¡±


    ¡°Elves are a made of stern stuff,¡± he shrugged. ¡°She will make it, I¡¯m sure.¡±


    I clenched my free fist while I gobbled on the pie, maybe to fill the hole in my stomach Dad¡¯s words had opened inside me. How could this goddess not help one of her believers?


    He stopped, took a long breath, as if struggling with his own words once again. ¡°You are quite fond of her. Aren¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I licked my lips, tasting the salty vegetables. Fondness wasn¡¯t exactly how I felt about her¡­


    ¡°When your mother finally conceived, we almost went on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land,¡± he hushed, entwining his fingers as he looked at the golden pendant on Kishirra¡¯s chest. ¡°We had tried so hard for years, and we were definitely out of options. As far as we were concerned, Lugana, you were nothing short of a miracle.¡±


    ¡°D-Dad....¡± I blushed even harder. That must have been when I reincarnated in this world. It had never occurred to me before, but I could have just as well reincarnated into an orphan, or the daughter of a violent and uncaring couple. That I was reborn here spoke of good fortune.


    Or perhaps something else. Perhaps she should ask Kishirra. She ought to know better.


    ¡°In the end we decided against it. We weren¡¯t sure it was Ans¨¤rra we had to thank for. What mattered was that you were with us.¡± He smacked his lips. ¡°Even though one part of me is still a little bitter about not seeing you continuing my bloodline.¡±


    ¡°W-What? Dad, what are you¡­¡±


    ¡°Lu, please. The forge may turn me deaf, but daft, I¡¯m not. It is clear that this Elf means a lot for you.¡± He rubbed his bearded face. ¡°I still would have preferred a male one, but if that is how things will shape up¡­ so be the will of the spirits. Or whatever is out there, really. I¡¯m just a smith.¡±


    ¡°Do you really think I could- I mean, did you look at her? She¡¯s an Elf, and she¡¯s so beautiful and kind and brave, and I¡¯m just¡­ a drab girl.¡±


    ¡°The same drab girl she reached for time and time again ¨C the same drab girl who is taking care of her wounds right now. I suppose that had to count for something.¡± People in this world did not wink, but I felt Dad¡¯s sheepish grin was one. ¡°I am not as good with this as your mother is. What I mean is that we are fine with the choices you make. We feel blessed by having you here with us every day, but we were a bit worried that you would not bloom into your own.¡±


    ¡°Because I wasn¡¯t coming out of my room.¡± I folded the towel in two very neat triangles. It had not been easy. It wasn¡¯t easy yet.


    It probably never would.


    ¡°But you did. And if that means you have to rely on this lady Elf to do so, well so be it. Maybe this is Ans¨¤rra¡¯s punishment for not traveling to the Holy Land all those years ago, ha!¡± He clapped his hand in mirth. I stood up and rushed to give him a hug.


    ¡°Thanks. Thank you so much. Thank you for being my parents.¡±


    ¡°We were always glad to take care of you,¡± he replied, rubbing his hands on my back. ¡°And we will always be. But now you likely have someone else to take care of.¡± He tilted his head towards Kishirra¡¯s body. ¡°I think she¡¯s waking up.¡±

 Chapter 18

    My memories of the next few hours got a bit muddled. A few minutes after Dad left and all doozy from the information he just relayed, I helped Kishirra sit up and drink from her water cup.


    My stomach was still full of butterflies, I could feel their razor wings fluttering against the inside of my belly.


    ¡°Hmmn,¡± she muttered, holding the cup by herself. ¡°I¡­ I apologize for the utter inconvenience. I was distraught.¡±


    ¡°What matters is that you are alive.¡± How could someone be so beautiful, stunning, brave and yet so stupid? ¡°Drink your water. You have good mettle. When you came in I thought¡­¡±


    ¡°We were made to last,¡± she replied in a whisper. ¡°That is the root of this whole matter in fact.¡±


    ¡°The ash. The soul decay ¨C I remember. But you are safe here. And your goddess will not allow you to end up like that.¡±


    She shuddered. Gulping, she reached for her pendant and bit her lip, hiding in beneath her robes.


    ¡°I have faith in Her, but I do not think I deserve it.¡± She reached with a trembling hand for her weapon. ¡°I thank you deeply for your care, but it is nigh time for me to leave. I have to complete my Quest. Then perhaps I can ask for forgiveness when I faulted. I feel like I have failed my Test. Pr perhaps I never properly understood what it was.¡± She stood up and she was strong enough, even in this state, that I couldn¡¯t hold her back. It would be like trying to wrestle a mountain.


    ¡°Wait.¡±


    ¡°Haste suffers no waste,¡± she replied in that cryptic way of hers. Nothing that I could say would shake her.


    So stupid! She was just like me, putting my head beneath the blankets.


    ¡°Wait,¡± I groaned, reaching for her hand anyway, and I slipped my fingers between hers. It was the first time I had touched her like this.


    Her skin was silky-smooth. Still burning a bit from her fever.


    What did she say? How Elves had been created as pets and companions by the people who were here before? No wonder it¡­


    But I had to tell her something far more important.


    ¡°There is something I have to tell you. I thought about what you said. About your origins.¡±


    Her eyes flashed like burnished iron.


    ¡°It is no cause for concern to you. You belong to the great river, and you will go flowing back there when it is your time, so please¡­¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I was not going to let her off the hook this time. ¡°I do not mean it like that!¡±


    I had never said this to anyone. I had to share it. I knew what words to say but they hurt against my throat like shards of glass. I had to tell her the truth. Or she would disappear in the leaves once again, and I would just stay in my room and all that I had done so far would amount to nothing.


    I would lose her forever.


    ¡°I know how it feels to lose yourself. I know how it feels to¡­ to be r-reborn,¡± I quailed through my trembling lips.


    Kishirra¡¯s grey eyes widened. Her body relaxed, or perhaps she lot all of her strength and just regarded me with a different look.


    ¡°You are a Strander,¡± she whispered.


    +++


    ¡°That is how we call you in the Holy Land,¡± she whispered. Kishirra sat on the other end of the garden¡¯s clearing, drawing her legs to her chest. Her mood had improved, or if anything not worsened. And she looked a lot better than before. Perhaps her emotions had a greater sway on her health than it did for human beings.


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    ¡°I would never expect I would meet one,¡± she continued. ¡°This explains why you keep using so many weird terms, so many queer words. But that is all I know.¡± She shook her head, as if trying to shake off the cobwebs of my revelation. ¡°If you revealed this to me to get information.¡±


    ¡°What? No! I never told anyone. Even my parents do not know, but I thought you could understand.¡±


    Kishirra paused, weighing thoughts in her mind.


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°No idea.¡± I shrugged, trying to stand still, even if all I wanted was to fidget like crazy and maybe throw myself under a blanket, disappear from the Elf¡¯s sight. ¡°I died, and then I woke up again. It took some time for the memories to resurface.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡± She rubbed her gloved hands over her arms. ¡°It was the same for me as well. I thought this was my first life, but then I realised I was a bit too good at certain things. Skills I did not have time to develop. A hidden and deep intuition. A tinge of sadness.¡± A pause as she rubbed her hands together. ¡°Longing for memories I had never lived, for people I had never met.¡±


    ¡°Sometimes I miss my old world too. I miss wasting hours watching cat reels.¡±


    Kishirra tilted her head, quizzed.


    ¡°Cat reels? In your world do they reel them in like fish?¡±


    ¡°Uhm, nevermind. Just a figure of speech.¡± Now I was this close to explaining the internet to an Elven Knight. Better not to touch that topic ever again. ¡°But I get it. I think. Sometimes I wonder if I belong here at all, but then I think about the forge and the garden, and how lucky I am to have such a good family, and maybe I think it wasn¡¯t¡­ wasted.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± Kishirra tentatively added, ¡°you are still going to leave. After this.¡±


    Her voice dripped with a kind of fearful despair, and it speared through my chest like ice.


    ¡°I do not know. Maybe I will come back to my old world. Or maybe I will move on. I have no idea why I am here.¡±


    Kishirra sighed. She rubbed her fingers against her palm.


    ¡°The Gilded Etchings teach that there are two kinds of people in this world: those with a whole destiny and those with a hollow destiny. People with a whole destiny can move on and enter the embrace of Ans¨¤rra after death. Those with a hollow destiny cannot do so until they fill it.¡±


    So maybe I had been sent back to fill this destiny of mine. To do something, which meant¡­ oh.


    ¡°I have been thinking a lot about my plant and herbs encyclopaedia.¡± I wanted her to understand. I pictured Kishirra picking up my book, flipping through the pages with her strong fingers. ¡°Ah, an encyclopaedia is like a thorough handbook. I want to write all I have learned from my mother and from my experience with the garden. But I want to do more! I want to fill it with all sorts of plants and useful herbs ¨C and I want to be able to look at them for real, to touch them, with these hands. Not just see them here or read about them. I want to walk on those hills, outside the city.¡± I offered her an apologetic smile. ¡°Sorry. I got a little excited there, for someone who did not even know how to look someone in the eye just a few months ago I¡¯m talking big, right? But maybe that¡¯s how I can fill my destiny up a bit. And I wouldn¡¯t want to do this alone.¡±


    ¡°That is not how I am,¡± Kishirra replied, the echoes of that sorrow from before still chafing against her lips. ¡°I do know what my destiny is. And all I¡¯m trying to do is to change it. All I am thinking about is myself¡­ truly Ans¨¤rra¡¯s heart is full of mercy if She can accept me in her care. Admitted she still does. I feel like something is still missing.¡± She lifted her gaze, levelling her silvery eyes with mine. ¡°You said you were inspired to come out of your room and talk to people by my Quest. I truly find that hard to believe. But¡­¡± her cheeks darkened a bit as she coiled a blonde lock around her fingers, ¡°would you believe me if I told you that I find your idea endearing? Trying to leave something behind for others to find. Using your second chance to deliver hope and knowledge to people who do not possess it yet ¨C ah, that is truly something that can fulfil a destiny and a fill a heart.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡±


    She blinked, her cheeks flushing again ¨C a healthy colour this time.


    ¡°Ah, I overstepped. My apologies.¡±


    ¡°No, no. I also do not know where I might find the courage to do anything like that. And writing a book is nothing to brag about, come on! But it would change the world into something that makes a little more sense.¡±


    ¡°The world does make sense.¡± She stood up, running her hands through her locks. ¡°I would really like to read that book. And to spend more time together.¡±


    ¡°Come to the festival then! There¡¯s going to be songs and dances and the whole town is going to be there! I can introduce you to people who will appreciate what you are doing for them! You don¡¯t have to be alone.¡±


    ¡°For someone who claims she could not look someone in the eye, you seem positively great at connecting people,¡± she grinned.


    ¡°It¡¯s a uh¡­ work in progress,¡± I stammered.


    ¡°I cannot promise I will be there.¡± Her gaze shifted right, and I knew she was looking at the hills. ¡°But if my duty allows it, I will. And I would gladly read your book.¡±


    I sighed.


    ¡°Yeah, I am going to make sure you do read my damn book. But you know what? We are not finished here. Not nearly.¡± I grabbed her hand again. ¡°You owe it to me.¡±


    Her grey eyes widened.


    For a moment I thought she was going to take her poleaxe and smite this new Lugana, this girl who was in way over her head!


    But I had come this far.


    I would not allow her to leave ¨C not now that she knew how I felt.


    ¡°And first things first, you are going to help me with a little thing.¡±

 Chapter 19

    As the day came to an end, not every creature above and below the ground went to sleep. While B¨´rian fell into easy slumber waiting for the lemon festival to come in a few scant days, and some of the farmers that surrounded the city knew now that there was a certain Elf who would try and protect their cattle, gaunt things kept gnawing at the roots of the earth.


    If someone had put his ear to the ground, he might have heard a faint echo ¨C a sound like thin metal hooks scraping away at the dirt.


    And maybe, if he listened long enough, he might have heard some words as well.


    The harvest is almost ripe, would say the smoky voice of a woman. The protector can shield everyone but herself. When the time comes, she will be ripe for the picking.


    Then more scraping sounds, slowly coming closer and closer.


    And closer still.


    +++


    You know what? I ended up believing ladders are overrated.


    At another time, I would have asked to climb on Kishirra¡¯s shoulders. But then I would probably be too shaken to help with the decorations in any way.


    Baby steps.


    I had yet to get used to this new Lugana who could even talk to people.


    ¡°Can you shift it a little bit to the right now?¡± I asked. From below, Kishirra set both hands on the ladder.


    ¡°Hold on, please.¡± She lifted the ladder, with me still on top, and set it one step to the right, where I could keep helping with the decoration, tying together more lemon branches and leaves, and more yellow ribbons.


    Without breaking a sweat. She was made of iron.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± I tossed her an embarrassed smile. Even after waking up from her feverish slumber, she seemed to be right as rain. Her complexion was back to its rich chocolate tinge, even though her eyes were still a bit troubled.


    I could understand why: we were in the middle of the main square, just a few feet away from the very spot where I had asked to buy milk some months before. Right where I had decided to give my life a shove into the right direction, and now Madama Kishirra of all people was holding the ladder propping me up.


    Not bad as a first date.


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    The people of B¨´rian kept stealing glances at the two of us. They did know me by now, but Kishirra was still a somewhat new face, especially now that she had shed her heavy clothing and stood tall and proud in her boots, trousers and blouse. In a first, she had even left her poleaxe at the workshop. Something about safe-keeping.


    A few did recognize her though, and they did not shy away from the mysterious Elf. Which made me think I did not completely waste the last few weeks.


    ¡°Are you stable enough up there? I could make sure to hold you a little firmer.¡±


    I wouldn¡¯t mind being held a little firmer!


    But perhaps it wasn¡¯t the best thing to do right now. I still wanted to invite her to the celebration proper, and I wanted the people of B¨´rian to accept Kishirra with the utmost ease.


    Acting¡­ close in public might not be the best choice. At least that was as far as I could say. Damn, if only I could understand how this worked a little better! You could hope that getting so much people experience through the last few months would make all this easier, but no!


    At any rate, I wasn¡¯t going to let this go. I wasn¡¯t going to let Madama Kishirra go.


    ¡°I am almost finished up here anyway. And we are running out of ribbons, we should probably make some more together.¡±


    She helped me get down, holding my arm with the strength of an old dependable oak and the grace of two snowflakes dancing together ¨C her hand on my side felt so comforting. Like it belonged there.


    Thanking the god of this world, or the goddess, or whoever, for not giving me pointed ears that would show my embarrassment even more, I pointed at the closest stand where the women were knotting ribbons together and making crowns of branches.


    ¡°Here, let¡¯s focus on this for a while. Then we can go back home and I suppose you can eat with us. You are our best customer, after all.¡±


    We took seat on two empty chairs on the left side of the circle of B¨´rian women, each of them busy at work as they chattered between themselves. They greeted me with a nod and a smile and Kishirra with a nod and a frown.


    She was an outsider, after all, and also I suspected that she was far too gorgeous to be welcomed with open arms. With her looks, strength and beauty, Kishirra stood out like a blonde nail.


    I could only do so much.


    ¡°It gets easier,¡± I reassured her, taking seat and giving her a few stings of cloth to make ribbons out of.


    ¡°That is what they say,¡± she replied with a faint smile. ¡°At least I supposed it does. I do not really remember much from the previous times.¡±


    I looked around ¨C the women were trying their darn best to drown our conversation with their chatter.


    ¡°You can tell me about it. Maybe tomorrow. I wanted to go out and see if I can find some plants on the hills behind B¨´rian.¡±


    ¡°The hills are dangerous,¡± she warned me tilting her head. The flash of concern in her eyes stroke right through my heart.


    ¡°I did not plan on going alone.¡± I bit my lip as I tried to make a ribbon out of the strap of cloth and made something resembling a mess. Meanwhile, Kishirra has completed three of her own already. Her slender fingers work with such confidence and finesse.


    ¡°That would be wise. Were you planning to recruit a guide, then? I would be most worried if you were to go out on your own.¡±


    ¡°I did say you were our best customer, but this might be a good way to fulfil your balance,¡± I joked, elbowing her.


    ¡°Oh.¡± She glanced at the spot where I hit her arm. ¡°Was that some sort of gesture I am not privy to?¡±


    ¡°Sorry! Sometimes I still get¡­ well, you know. It¡¯s better to talk about it tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°I am far from in top shape. And I do not feel like I can ask for any favour to my Lady in this state. But I would gladly join you and keep you safe as you look for the right flowers.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a date, then,¡± I whispered, excited.


    ¡°Tomorrow? Yes. The fifth of advent of the sixth circle,¡± she said, pointing her finger to the planetary ring.


    ¡°No, it¡¯s¡­ nevermind. You will get it.¡±


    I hope she would.

 Chapter 20

    Mom did get it. I was a little worried, because I had yet to find the time to speak to her as well, but she welcomed Kishirra in with a huge smile and she seemed alright with her presence.


    More than alright, in fact.


    They were already sharing recipes.


    ¡°I usually allow meat to spoil just a little bit,¡± Kishirra explained, tracing a circle in the air. ¡°The outside patina helps keep the inside fresher for much longer. Also, I have always used salt from Madua as a way to preserve it better.¡±


    Field recipes.


    ¡°Salt is so expensive around here!¡± Mom opened her arms in exasperation. ¡°The southern shores get brackish water, but there¡¯s not enough to fulfil demand, and trade takes forever anyway!¡±


    ¡°Trade is a dangerous business,¡± Kishirra replied with a frown. ¡°The allure of silver is powerful and it can cloud even the strongest heart. That is why we are supposed to only rely on ourselves and Ans¨¤rra, because in our nakedness we know each other better.¡±


    I choked on a piece of vegetable pie at those words ¨C but Kishirra was as serious and wholesome as ever, and Mom just rolled her eyes at her words of wisdom.


    ¡°That works for your basic needs, but sometimes people want to enjoy something nice. Then you have to rely on others, and you can¡¯t do it all on your own.¡±


    ¡°Look at them,¡± Dad chuckled, setting his arms over his stomach as we watched the two women discuss. ¡°They are in their own little world.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but chuckle at him using the same words Mom did just a few days before.


    And they couldn¡¯t be more different: Mom was indeed a trader, and she would have been a great manager in my old world, while Kishirra really tried to deal with merchants as little as possible. Her religion evidently did not look up on material possessions.


    In fact, it turned out that the only things she owned were her weapons, clothing and armour, and a dwindling collection of coins.


    ¡°I get my stipend every three months from a courier from Madua,¡± she explained Mom as they shared another cup of herbal infusion. Kishirra put the cup to her lips and smiled. ¡°Your concoction is as amazing as ever, Madama.¡±


    ¡°Oh, it¡¯s not even my own recipe,¡± she replied grinning in my direction.


    Kishirra blinked, but seemed to ignore the implications. Oh, thank god, she was ignoring the implications!


    ¡°We understand that the world answers to different rules outside of the Holy Land. We do not like it, but we do believe in letting other people and countries come to the embrace of Ans¨¤rra on their own. It was how it happened with me.¡±


    ¡°How did it happen?¡± Mom inquired. Kishirra¡¯s jaw stiffened ¨C and I took that as my cue.


    ¡°Uh, Mom, actually, given you have brought up my herbs, do you mind if I show Kishirra the garden a little more? I wanted her to show the plants I¡¯m going to pick up tomorrow!¡±


    She shared a look with Dad and nodded.


    ¡°I certainly do not mind. Leave the door open, though.¡±


    Covering my face, I almost threw Kishirra out of her chair and pushed her through the corridors. She was still holding the foaming cup in her hands when we reached the garden. By now it was night, so I lit up a few torches to see a little better (and to show Mom and Dad we were not going to do anything weird).


    I crouched next to a patch of thin blue flowers with five petals each.


    ¡°Sorry about that. Mom gets curious about everything.¡±


    ¡°I certainly did not take that as an offense.¡± Kishirra sat on the closest moss-covered rock, watching me as I sifted through the flowers.


    ¡°These are girenas. They are good to treat headaches and they taste sweet. Mom said they grow aplenty on the hills right behind B¨´rian.¡±


    We sifted for a few moments through the silence, as it stretched between our breaths.


    ¡°You seem more troubled than I am,¡± I said looking at her, so dejected. She had recovered a bit during dinner, only to fall into a troubled mutism once alone. I hoped it wasn¡¯t due to my presence.


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    ¡°I could say that Mannish eyes rarely see this deep and far,¡± she sighed. ¡°Nevertheless, I think it has more to do with how miserable I feel right now.¡± She reached for her pendant, taking it out from beneath her clothes. ¡°I fear I may have failed my Quest. I had fought, and was bested in battle ¨C and I have shown my true colours as a truly selfish person. Ans¨¤rra has no room by her side for those such as I am. The wasting will take me, and I will go the way of cinders.¡±


    ¡°What happened?¡± I looked at Kishirra, and then a glint of crimson caught my attention. The red caramalia. It wasn¡¯t even supposed to sprout at this time of the year, but it was meaningful. Something that could help right at this moment. I picked it up and turned to face her. Even at the flickering golden light of torches, her complexion had once again that ash-like tone. ¡°It could not be your fault. A defeat in battle is nothing, it happens to the best of us.¡± I felt like words slipped from my grasp like they were covered in oil. ¡°You can¡¯t give up now.¡±


    ¡°It was not the defeat on the field that mattered,¡± she whispered, her voice as thin as the first ice of winter. ¡°It was the truth of the matter that shook me. I am just doing this to save my own soul, and my faith is all but a pantomime. I have failed my Test. I will go back to the Holy Land with my tails between my legs and beg for forgiveness and trouble all of you no more.¡±


    ¡°Being a little selfish is okay,¡± I countered. Leaning forward, I put the red flower in her palm, next to the pendant. ¡°This is a caramalia. It¡¯s a rare flower, especially at this time of the year, it usually grows right in the middle of winter ¨C it¡¯s a small one, you see, but it has a beautiful deep red colour, and it sprouts through the thickest cover of snow. No matter how harsh the winter is, we can always see a patch of two of these red beauties peeking through the ice.¡±


    I closed my hand around hers. Her skin was as smooth as always, and it trembled slightly.


    ¡°What does ¡®okay¡¯ mean?¡±


    ¡°Uh¡­ it means that¡¯s fine. That¡¯s alright. Sorry¡­ old habit.¡±


    ¡°What you are saying is that snow has come for me and I may yet sprout through it like this flower, carrying on to my duty even through my weakness and lack of proper faith?¡±


    ¡°I was going to tell you to just leg it, but I¡¯m afraid that would sound a little too weird,¡± I chuckled. ¡°More of my weird lines and phrases from the other world. I¡¯ll put it this way. If this little flower has all it needs to carry through, I¡¯m sure our brave Knight does as well.¡±


    Kishirra¡¯s frown deepened. Her lips parted, closed again. Words seemed to be stuck to her throat.


    ¡°Hey, if nothing else, you surely helped me sprout through the snow. I¡¯m sure it must count for something.¡±


    Kishirra blinked. Bit by bit, that ashen pallor withdrew from her skin. The ghost of a smile danced on her lips.


    ¡°Mayhap.¡±


    +++


    Kishirra did not get much sleep that night. Her kind did not need long rests anyway ¨C they had been made with the purpose to please and to entertain. And even now that their former masters had disappeared into the cracks of history, their bodies and souls remembered their purpose.


    She prayed, palms opened to the dark sky. Lugana had left for her room hours ago, and her parents had been gracious enough to allow her to stay in their garden. The biting cold of the advancing autumn did not bother her skin.


    Her mind went to her latest battle. She got almost all of her protection broken, and she had been so close to losing even her weapon.


    If you were truly selfless, your Ans¨¤rra would have recognized it by now, said that smoky female voice, now only in her memories.


    Her hands were empty ¨C and she missed the feeling of Lugana¡¯s fingers. To think that someone so ephemeral could comfort her almost as well as the embrace of Ans¨¤rra.


    Would her words ring true as well? Was she allowed a tiny bit of selfishness if it meant proving her valour in the long run?


    She was sent there to rid the land of this great evil. The ghastly woman who commandeered the chalk creatures was a servant of the Seven Sisters, an emissary of the demons that had shattered the world and destroyed her Kiengiri precursors.


    That would be reason enough to ger rid of her.


    But she felt like something was still amiss.


    ¡°Perhaps I will understand it when the time comes.¡±


    If only she understood what her Test actually was. Fighting day on end? Killing every single Chalker?


    She sighed.


    Perhaps it was just like Lugana had said. She was not worth ¨C but she could have faith in someone else.


    It might just be barely enough.


    And with that hopeful ember burning in her chest, Kishirra finally allowed herself to close her eyes and get some rest.


    +++


    Deep, deep, deep, other hands did not get any rest. The mass of broiling Chalkers gnawed and scratched at the earth. With each moment, they dug a wider tunnel, they branched out beneath and around the hills, surrounding the city of B¨´rian.


    And behind them stood the same woman ¨C she allowed herself a triumphant smirk, even as she passed her fingers over her flaking body. It would not last much longer.


    But soon she would have something better to replace it with. Pushing the faith and hope out of that boorish Knight had taken its toll on her patience, but her job was almost over.


    She was alone, she was scared and broken.


    And all she had to was point out the contradiction in her reasons for being here.


    Her grin stretched wider as the tiny blue gem embedded inside her chest like a bead of quarts amidst tree roots gleamed even brighter. A corpse-light that only made the shadows in the tunnel stand out even darker.


    One of her flaking fingers brushed against its cold surface.


    Soon, everything would find its proper place.


    It had tried many bodies so far.


    None of them lasted more than a few years. But this was a bit of a special occasion, after all. Rather than preying on unsuspecting villagers getting lost in the hills, it had a real prize to look forward to.


    Months of planning just to provide this chance. It would be worth it.


    Mannish bodies were so frail.


    But Elves had been made to last.

 Chapter 21

    I hesitated right on the threshold. Kishirra stopped, turning back to look at me with a quizzical gleam in her eyes. She had her weapon of black glass with her, but other than that she had shed her brigandine and wore a pair of trousers and her blouse. She might had looked like any other traveller, save for the way the morning¡¯s light caught in her golden hair.


    Perhaps I could just stretch this moment a little longer and stand there to look at her, without the need to take another step.


    ¡°Is everything alright?¡± She asked, tilting her head. ¡°Did you perhaps forget to take anything with you?¡±


    ¡°No, no.¡± I looked at the invisible line: the one that set the inside world from the outside one. I had been out of B¨´rian before, but the last time had been more than ten years ago, when I was still very young and memories of my previous life were little more than fluttering dreams.


    This would be the first time I left the city on my own.


    Of course, I wasn¡¯t alone ¨C I was with a wondrous Knight who would protect me ¨C and yet for a moment I was once again the same girl who screamed under the blanket because she couldn¡¯t look people in the eye.


    Speaking of which¡­ I lifted my gaze and focused on Kishirra¡¯s eyes. They shone brighter than the silver ring above.


    ¡°It¡¯s just that I had never been out of here without my parents,¡± I replied taking a step. I entered the brick arc of the town¡¯s entrance and right past it, once again into the sun. ¡°There. This felt like the longest step I had ever taken. I am ready now¡­ please lead the way.¡±


    Kishirra nodded. We followed the winding road to the hills. Brick houses led to wooden shacks and then to ruined towers. Farmers were out already tilling the fields, and the echoes of dogs barking after sheep filled the air.


    It would have been such a perfect morning, but I was out of steam after a hundred steps.


    Kishirra waited for me just a couple feet ahead as I panted and sweated under the weight of my backpack. Stupid nerd body with stupid nerd legs.


    Walking about in town did not get me ready to some real hiking ¨C we were already above the line of B¨´rian¡¯s windmills. I had never climbed so high in my entire life¡­ this one or the one before.


    ¡°Sorry¡­ ah. I need¡­ to catch my breath.¡±


    ¡°It gets easier,¡± Kishirra said with an amused smile. ¡°Just like you said. Take your time, but try not to drink too much.¡±


    ¡°Uh?¡± I froze right as my hands reached for the bottle.


    ¡°Sweat would make you lose energy faster. You would do better trying to take short rests here and there.¡±


    ¡°Can¡¯t I¡­ just¡­ lay here until the first snow falls¡­¡±


    ¡°Not if you want to pick those flowers of yours, I am afraid.¡±


    Why did she have to be right?


    ¡°I should have stayed home. Laid on the bed, opened a good book and forget all about this. Reincarnation was supposed to be an easy affair! A slow life, no troubles, no nothing! Just cosy days one after another.¡±


    Kishirra chuckled.


    ¡°That might happen to luckier people than us.¡±


    I fastened my backpack a little faster on my shoulders and climbed uphill after her.


    We took frequent stops.


    When we met someone it was usually a few women carrying water, or field workers busy with olive harvest. It was that time of the year after all, and we would all celebrate together in a few days.


    We reached a wide curve in the road and I stopped to take a rest on a large rock, panting like I wanted to replace Dad¡¯s bellow.


    Kishirra stood next to me, not a hair out of place on her golden head. She did not even break a sweat, and we had been climbing for at least one hour.


    Seriously. Next thing you knew, she would sprout a pair of wings.


    ¡°Elves are on a tier all to themselves¡­¡± I panted, catching my breath and my thoughts.


    ¡°Is that a saying from your original world?¡± She asked, sitting next to me on the rock. She was quite close.


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    ¡°Not a saying, more like something I had realised on my own.¡±


    And yet, even with all the aching I had to sit through, the view from here was incredible. The verdant hills descended like two vast shoulders around the red roofs and brick houses of B¨´rian, the lines of windmills like a crown upon a round head, and the fields of crimson reeds like a mane losing itself into the blue waters of the Mar da Cand¨¨a.


    At another time, I would have felt like taking a picture. Now all I could was put it to memory.


    +++


    We finally reached the spot where the right flowers grew. I could take off the backpack and take a long breath.


    ¡°We¡¯re finally here¡­ this was the worst hiking trip¡­ ah¡­ in the history of¡­ hiking trips.¡±


    Kishirra chuckled. She tried to hide it, but even if she turned her head, I spotted the smile on her face.


    ¡°What?! It was hard enough for me.¡±


    ¡°I was not undermining your efforts. But you once told me I was cute ¨C let me tell you that I found your hyperbole most endearing.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well, you have the least-efficient way of giving someone a compliment. Elves and their manner of speaking¡­¡± I shook my head, mostly to try and hide my own embarrassment.


    Then I set myself to actual work. I wanted to make a strong concoction to present at the festival and I had my work cut out for me. As I started to pick up the right flowers and fill the containers inside my backpack, Kishirra walked about, taking a few steps in each direction, and gazing at the surrounding hills.


    I stole more than one glance. Especially when she was turned.


    Exercise might not be the best for me, but for Kishirra¡­ it certainly did work wonders on her body.


    Then she sat down, opened her hands and began to pray.


    I decided to leave her alone¡­ it sounded like a private moment.


    Yet, as I gathered the flowers and herbs I needed, fragments of words did reach my ears: parts of hymns and prayers, but also something about the Unreturned.


    She was praying for the souls of the Elves who had managed to pass on.


    I stopped working, looking at myself. Kneeling in a field of flowers, on the hills behind a peaceful city, with the blue cordon of the Mar da Cand¨¨a stretching all the way to the horizon.


    The wind played with my hair and it carried a rich scent of resin and earth, and the sweet tinge of flowers.


    I could hear the rumbling of my heart and each breath rattling through my chest.


    I had never felt so alive.


    I reached for my cheek and blinked a few times to hold back tears. Kishirra had finished her prayers and laid on the grass in silence, holding her weapon up against the sky. Sunlight glistened on the surface.


    ¡°I think I have enough,¡± I said laying next to her. ¡°I like it here. I like the wind, I like the sweet scent of flowers. I had missed all this.¡±


    ¡°Are there no fields in your world? It must be a sorry place, then.¡±


    ¡°No, not like that. There are, but I never had the time to go there. Or to stop¡­ stopping in any way. There was always something else to do. Some other anxiety to run away from.¡±


    ¡°Dismaying,¡± Kishirra replied. Her other hand brushed against my own. ¡°Perhaps it was a good thing you left.¡±


    ¡°I did not leave,¡± I replied with a hitch in my breath. ¡°I died before my time, and I took over this new¡­ body. My parents from here said they could not have children.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she nodded. ¡°I spoke about it with your father. He asked me if they could do something to repay the kindness of the Heavens.¡±


    Ah, yes. Dad had mentioned they had wanted to go on a pilgrimage.


    ¡°The best thing would be embracing the faith, but they did not seem to want going that far,¡± Kishirra said with a half-smile. ¡°I suppose appreciating the gift they received would be thanks enough.¡±


    ¡°Oh. Well, they¡­ did. I couldn¡¯t ask for better parents. The ones in my old world were also good. I haven¡¯t seen them in such a long time. Wonder if they still think about me.¡±


    ¡°They certainly do,¡± Kishirra assured with a sharp nod. ¡°It is in the nature of things.¡±


    ¡°What about you? Do you remember your parents?¡±


    She sighed, putting her weapon down.


    ¡°If I did have parents, they were the arts of the Kiengiri and mayhap a Hearthwomb. I was born out of whimsy, maybe lust, certainly not love. Once again, it is a weight my kind has to bear. Perhaps, if I ever manage to win Ans¨¤rra¡¯s favour once again, I might inspire more Elves to go the same route.¡±


    ¡°Who said you lost your goddess¡¯ favour?¡±


    Kishirra opened her lips to reply, but I was faster.


    ¡°No, listen to me. If she truly was angered with you, do you think she would allow you to lay like this with me? If your Lady is merciful, she will accept a mistake or two.¡±


    Kishirra licked her lips, nervous.


    ¡°My Lady is merciful. I just wonder if I am worth of her mercy.¡±


    ¡°I believe you are. And I haven¡¯t even met Ans¨¤rra!¡± I replied, holding her hand. ¡°You will complete your Quest, I¡¯m sure. After all, what are you going to do? Not try?¡±


    Kishirra looked up at the sun.


    ¡°This is my Test,¡± she said in a faint whisper.


    ¡°And I see no reason for you to face it alone,¡± I reminded her.


    She did not reply. But that had to count for something.


    ¡°Perhaps,¡± she agreed in the end. ¡°Here, allow me to show you something. I do remember this one from the previous times.¡± She sat behind me and began to sift her hands through my tresses, knitting my hair into a single braid. ¡°We used to this to each other, when worries clouded out minds. Everyone in our colony knew how to make ropes out of hair, and everyone had their own technique. Perhaps I can remember enough.¡±


    ¡°Oh.¡± I had never had my hair braided like that. I let her work, trying to relax, even though she was just so close.


    ¡°By sunrise, we wake up with bright thoughts,¡± she muttered under her breath.


    ¡°Hm?¡±


    ¡°By midday, we share bright words with each other.¡±


    She finished her work, giving my hair a light tug to make sure they stayed in place.


    ¡°And by eventide, we have done bright deeds.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s beautiful,¡± I said looking at the beautiful knots. They were so precise they made my hair look like the finest embroidery. ¡°But were you reciting a prayer?¡±


    She nodded.


    ¡°The most important one.¡± She set her hands over my shoulders and leaned forward, until her head touched the nape of my neck. ¡°I am not eager for my final death. But I do prefer it to the alternative, and when it comes, I want it to be on my terms. Do you think that to be selfish?¡±


    ¡°I think it is,¡± I replied shrugging. ¡°And I fail to see the problem.¡±


    ¡°Then you are wiser than I am,¡± she replied, standing up. ¡°The sun is going down. It is time for us to return.¡± She picked up her weapon and began to leave. Feeling a pang in my heart, I quickly put my backpack on and hurried after her.

 Chapter 22

    No matter my efforts, I couldn¡¯t convince Kishirra to stay longer than the first two days. She recovered from her wounds soon enough, and had to resume her Quest.


    I was a little selfish, as well.


    ¡°We are all out of materiel for your plaques though,¡± I reminded her in a vain attempt to let her stay. She would be safe inside our doors. Preferably inside my own room, thank you very much? ¡°Don¡¯t you think that would be a useless risk?¡±


    ¡°I do value your concern,¡± she replied with a smile. ¡°But if I have to do this, I will have to rely on a stronger shield than plaques of Tetrarmide, no matter how well those served me in the past. Besides, I missed my encounter with the courier, I will not be able to pay for your services for a long while.¡±


    All that because she had lost one fight. Seriously, what in the name of all hells was she fighting out there? These Chalkers¡­ they really seemed to be extremely dangerous.


    ¡°We can rile up the populace. They would understand that something is going, some have seen you fight, they would listen to me. They would listen to us.¡±


    ¡°Nay. I have appreciated the calm and peace of the industrious city of B¨´rian. And I have enjoyed the care and comfort of its inhabitants. I would not ask them to fight my battles for me.¡±


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be just your battles, I¡­¡± I was out of rebuttals. ¡°Just don¡¯t get injured. And please please please don¡¯t get killed.¡±


    She took a step forward and pulled me into an embrace. She wore only her blouse, so I felt the warmth and strength of her body as she embraced me.


    It felt like coming home.


    Maybe I would just go off in one big firework.


    ¡°I have taken your words to heart. I will fight this as long as I can.¡±


    ¡°Mmmh,¡± I nodded, everything I could say, really. She released me, but her hand lingered against my side.


    ¡°And besides. When I have completed my liberation of the hills, perhaps I can come back for another dinner. Or once again I can escort you on the surroundings to pick flowers together. Whatever your heart may desire, after all I just yearn to know more about someone who-¡±


    She stopped mid-sentence. Uh?


    Kishirra let go of my hand and gave her cheeks a light slap. I noticed just then how dark they were.


    After a few more tense seconds my Mom appeared on the garden¡¯s thresholds, swaying under a tall pile of documents.


    Ah. Elven senses.


    ¡°Madama Delebasse!¡± Kishirra said, walking forward. ¡°Here, here! I can give you a hand with those.¡±


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    I watched her as she helped Mom, carrying everything under her arm with the utmost ease, and I died a little more inside as my heart fluttered against my chest.


    This was the biggest crush of my life. And of course it had to be on an Elven Knight hell-bent on breaking her neck.


    Just my luck.


    +++


    I did not see her for a while.


    She did write, though. I read and read all over again her letters, so many times I had to put them on my desk to avoid ruining the fragile reeds paper.


    Work proceeds as intended. It seems I might have located another patch of those flowers you showed me the other day during our trip uphill. I would show them, but my drawing skills are none. Perhaps we could visit it one day?


    May the Sun shine upon you at Night too ¨C


    And that was it. For how verbose she was when she spoke, in writing Kishirra certainly did not show herself to wax poetic.


    I still read it so many times I could recite it from memory.


    ¡°And the festival is two days from now¡­ she has to come! No matter what happens! I am going to make her promise.¡±


    I had yet to write that letter, though. It was in two days, and Kishirra had a habit of never staying in the same place twice. Farmers delivered me her letters, but it still took several days, and nobody could deliver one to her, unless they stumbled upon her by chance.


    Maybe if I made, say, a thousand copies of each and distributed them through the farmers in the area, one of them would be lucky enough to stumble upon her? Mom must have a formula to compute this sort of chances.


    ¡°What the hell am I even thinking¡­¡± I groaned, throwing myself on the bed.


    What was even worse, I was tired. Without Kishirra, we had pivoted our days to focus on the coming festival ¨C which meant nails, rivets, spades, spoons¡­ all sort of small and big tools ¨C and Mom was up there by trying to managing all the paperwork.


    It sounded a little ironic to say, but¡­ it was my turn to have faith.


    ¡°She will come. She knows when the festival begins.¡±


    I just had to suffer through two more days. And probably tie up about a hundred million more ribbons and peel a hundred billion more lemons.


    ¡°It will be all worth it in the end,¡± I reassured myself.


    Not that I could do much else, at this point.


    +++


    Kishirra impaled the last Chalker, nailing its twitching body to the tree.


    ¡°Please keep quiet.¡± She panted hard, leaning forward as she spat a wad of golden blood and ichor. She was surrounded by corpses, off-white stains glistening under the night¡¯s silver arch. Eighteen of them and she was still alive. Without her armour, even.


    ¡°I need some time to get ready.¡± She groaned, standing up straight and looking at the open sky. ¡°I hope this will be all worth it in the end.¡±


    It was like Lugana had said. Not much she could do beside having faith, at this point. Unlike the Mannish girl, she had the luck of meeting Ans¨¤rra. Her fears and anxiety were just a reflection of how much rough she still was. She had accepted she was-


    Nothing more than a selfish failure, teased that woman¡¯s voice from around the woods. Kishirra shuddered.


    ¡°Please keep quiet. As I had just said.¡±


    You can try to still my lips, but you cannot do the same for the words sprouting from your own heart, can you my dear? The words that you know being true.


    ¡°I have accepted my selfishness.¡±


    Not yet. I am afraid you have yet to face the true consequences of your egotistic existence. But you will soon.


    ¡°Leave!¡± Kishirra barked at the empty air. The wind from the north carried a bout of freezing air and she shivered, a Knight who could sleep in the snow. ¡°This matters little.¡± She said trying to push back the bile that was rising from deep inside her stomach. Kishirra closed her eyes and began to change her clothes, taking off her stained garb as the Chalkers around her flaked off in white cinder and rivulets of nasty mud.


    She had something else to do, very soon.


    And miles away and feet below, the ghastly figure of a woman grinned to herself as she paced the underground tunnels where the rest of her Chalkers were busy at work.


    Almost ready, she mused.


    All would fall into its proper place.

 Chapter 23

    I was finally going to attend the last day of the year as a proper adult who could look people in the eye without catching fire, and now that I as there I felt like gnawing on my elbows.


    ¡°Where is she, dammit,¡± I groaned, biting my nails as I walked back and forth. I wanted her to be there. To enjoy the sights and the scents. This year the town really went all out: candles at every step, yellow and green ribbons, ripe lemons that spread their zesty scent in the evening air, and everyone seemed to have at least three reasons to smile.


    ¡°Lugana!¡± Someone called my name.


    It was Milk Dude.


    I groaned inwardly as I really was not in the right mood for more advances.


    ¡°You see, I am-¡±


    ¡°That herbal infusion you shared ¨C it was amazing! My grandmother wants the recipe!¡±


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯s uh, great. I don¡¯t think I am ready to share it yet, though¡­¡±


    Also, I was all out of blue flowers for it. An unfamiliar face peeked next to him ¨C a blonde young woman I haven¡¯t met before.


    ¡°Make sure to, once it¡¯s finished! Thanks again for the gift, and enjoy the night!¡± He waved his hand and the girl who was with him did as well. She shot him a quizzical look.


    ¡°Who was that girl?¡± She asked, a tinge of jealousy rising into her words.


    ¡°Ah, just a returning customer¡­¡± he explained, trying to save the situation.


    I chuckled. I got worked up over nothing.


    But I wanted my returning customer.


    I paced back and forth at the entrance to B¨´rian¡¯s main square, taking a look at the decorations, rows and rows of hanging lemons figures made out of carved peel, just to try and distract my mind.


    I had only been here when I was really young, and I did not like the music, the noise or the people. Back then I had kicked and pleaded to go back home, where I could relax away from the crowd.


    Now it was¡­ I couldn¡¯t say it was pleasant. I still felt like disappearing into the wall behind me, and an undercurrent of anxiety still bit into my stomach. But from time to time someone waved at me, and I recognised them and waved back.


    It was as if the concept of ¡®home¡¯ had expanded from my room to the walls of the city itself. I had made a lot of those decorations hanging up there, after all. A few had been made by Kishirra herself. I was sure that someone in the crowd was looking up at a particularly-perfect ribbon and wonder how someone could make something so beautiful¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m such an idiot in love,¡± I muttered, sitting down against the wall. ¡°Is she even going to come? I hope she¡¯s safe¡­¡± I looked up at the silver ring cleaving the night in two. She did not even have her armour with her. What would happen when she was overwhelmed again?


    But no ¨C she was a Knight, and she was an Elf. She could hold her own.


    I was so focused on these thoughts that I almost missed when the crowd began to murmur and part. It was probably the flower chariot, but it was supposed to appear only at the festival¡¯s climax, so why now¡­


    ¡°Apologies for my tardiness,¡± said Kishirra, her dark skin glistening like burnished wood under the shivering candle-light. Her cheeks so flush it looked like she was wearing foundation, she held her silvery eyes down as she passed a hand through her blonde tresses. I blinked.


    This couldn¡¯t be true.


    She was wearing a dress.


    But it wasn¡¯t made of fabric. She had collected together thousands upon thousands of lemontree leaves and she had fashioned a robe out of them, falling gently against her shoulders, showing off her arms and her physique, while also making it look like she had come out straight out of a fairy tale. Each leaf attached seamlessly onto the next and somehow it seemed to be much more resistant than anything made out of leaves had any right to be.


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    At some point I even remembered to reattach my jaw to my mouth.


    ¡°Kishirra!¡± I yelped, standing up and walking towards her. ¡°You are here!¡±


    ¡°Yes, of course I came. How could I not?¡± She smiled again, though her eyes shifted awkwardly to the right for a moment. ¡°It has been a long while since I wore anything different from battle garments. I hope this one is to your liking?¡±


    ¡°You look stunning!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°Did you make this on your own?¡±


    ¡°I must have been a seamstress in one of my previous lives, because it did come to me quite naturally. Given the theme of the festival, I thought it would be appropriate.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s incredible. You will have to tell me how you created it. Ah, but first, let¡¯s go the festival! I want to let you try the flower infusion I made! You know, the one with the flowers from the other day!¡± I held her wrist and she let me pull her forward. Everyone was still looking at me, the shut-in daughter of the Delebasse family bringing such a wondrous beauty into the festival.


    Most of these people had never seen Kishirra even in her usual fighting attire, so she was a vision.


    I felt a little greedy, pulling her forward like this. As if she was mine and mine only.


    Kishirra wasn¡¯t the only selfish person here. But I did not mind!


    I showed her around the stands, where people were enjoying lemon-scented liquor and other similar drinks. For the festival we usually went all-out, so everyone prepared everything they could spare from the remnants of summer, to get ready for the winter rigour: each family brought their secret recipes for vegetable pies, pumpkin or eggplant roasts, and of course any kind of sausages, soups, creams and cakes.


    I had earned some good money with the amount of commissions at the workshop for the last few days, so I could treat myself and Kishirra.


    ¡°Here, try this as well,¡± I said giving her a slice of pie. It had never felt so good to part with well-earned silver as when Kishirra picked it up and took a bite, gently moving one of her golden locks behind her leaf-shaped ear.


    My heart skipped a beat.


    ¡°Hmm. That is indeed delicious,¡± she replied in her usual polite tone. So aristocratic. ¡°Maybe one day I will let you taste what they can do in Madua. The land is different over there, and while this is good, water and soil are just different when blessed by the light of Ans¨¤rra.¡±


    As if on cue, the golden pendant on her chest glinted at the light of the candles.


    ¡°How is it over there?¡± I asked as we walked between the stands. We were still receiving a few shocked glances, but by now, with the festival well on its way and people inebriated, most were far too preoccupied with each other or drinking one more glass of wine and toast to the definite end of Summer.


    Too preoccupied even to gawk at a blonde Elf dressed in lemon leaves.


    Kishirra¡¯s features relaxed.


    ¡°The sea gently embraces shores of pearl, where sand glitters like snow. On the inside, verdant roads entwine into terraced cities where marble gives way to blue rooves and gilded towers. The sound of the bells calls you to the prayers of the morning and the eventide. Each day passes as a gift, and by the end, everyone has given and received a present.¡±


    She spoke as if in a dream, her eyes growing dull.


    ¡°And then raising your gaze you can see the floating dais that is the palace of Ans¨¤rra. Like a marble cloud, it gazes from above, reminding us of who is looking out for the Seven Kingdoms of Madua.¡± She let out a sigh and came back to the present. ¡°Apologies. Sometimes I get a little too caught up in memories.¡±


    ¡°No, no, it sounds incredible. To think there are places like those out there. I have always lived here, all my life. I wouldn¡¯t mind going there. If it is with you, I mean¡­¡±


    If it is with you I could go anywhere, I wanted to say, but I did not.


    ¡°Then perhaps after all this is finished.¡±


    ¡°From leaving my room to leaving my city,¡± I whistled. ¡°That¡¯s some progress.¡±


    Kishirra grinned.


    ¡°Sometimes the dawn comes before we expect it.¡± Her hand reached for mine and she entwined her fingers. ¡°And we are caught in its golden majesty.¡± She hesitated. ¡°Thank you for giving me a way out of my malaise. I still feel like I have failed, but perhaps not all I have gathered so far amounts to regret and wasted efforts. In fact¡­¡± she trailed off.


    I gulped, nodded, feeling like choking.


    I was saved by the flower chariot.


    ¡°Ah!¡± I pointed at it for Kishirra¡¯s benefit. ¡°That¡¯s for the bonfire! It¡¯s the height of the celebration.¡±


    A dozen people pushed it towards the centre of the main square. The flowers of an entire summer made a pile as tall as two men, wavering under the torches.


    As it reached the centre, the chanting began ¨C dancing and singing, praising the spirits for the year that was about to end and the one that was about to begin.


    I held onto Kishirra¡¯s fingers as the dancing continued. I did not know the words, I did not know the steps, so I just leaned back and forth following the music. Kishirra hummed some melody from her own land and held up her other hand and her three middle fingers in a sign of blessing.


    Feeling more brave than stupid, I turned to look at her, and slowly tilted my head upwards. My heart thundered like a rumbling river in my ears. Kishirra smiled, reached for my side and-


    And then the market square exploded.

 Chapter 24

    The world rang with a hissing echo.


    I blinked. Was it me?


    I opened my mouth to say something but no word came out. The world was covered in white soot. A gaunt figure crawled on all fours. Its face was all wrong, like seen through a wet glass. It opened its maw, filled to the brim with needle-like teeth.


    I tried to stand up, fell on my side, stood up again, and then my ears came back working right at that moment: the creature howled and extended its arms towards me. I raised my hand to protect myself, but it was too fast, it was-


    ¡°Hnghchk-¡± it croaked as something very fast and very angry kicked it onto the nearest wall. It exploded in a burst of wet white matter and powder. Kishirra stood in front of me, covered head to toe with soot, staining her beautiful leaf dress. She seemed to be fine.


    ¡°Lugana!¡± She shouted, helping me stand up. ¡°Are you alright? Please answer!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine. I-I think. What was that? Chal¡­ Chalkers?¡± I asked, remembering what she told me about. These were the things she fought against all alone for all this time¡­


    And as my ears and eyes really began to work again I heard the screams and growls and howls coming from all around us.


    ¡°Get the market square empty! I can¡¯t fight them all on my own, call out for archers and polemen,¡± she instructed. ¡°Their body is weak at the joints and behind the neck. Take your people away from the streets. Can you do that?¡± Her eyes were now grey as steel.


    I nodded.


    I don¡¯t want to lose you.


    Please don¡¯t go.


    Don¡¯t leave me here.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Dawn will come,¡± she whispered, setting a kiss on my forehead. ¡°Now go.¡±


    ¡°Y-Yes.¡±


    She gave me one last quick hug and disappeared into the chaos, grabbing the leg of a broken table and using it as a makeshift club to attack another of the monsters. The blow was strong enough to burst the wood in a thousand pieces. The Chalker shouted in pain, stumbled forward and away from the couple it had been targeting.


    ¡°Away!¡± Kishirra shouted, helping them stand up. ¡°Get to a safe place!¡±


    Air smelled like fear and powder.


    ¡°T-This way!¡± I shouted. Our workshop was sturdy. The pavements were covered with that black glass, and the Chalkers wouldn¡¯t be able to dig through it.


    Ah ¨C Kishirra¡¯s weapon. It was back there.


    My parents were back there.


    ¡°This way!¡± I shouted again, grabbing an iron poke that had stumbled away from one of the braziers.


    What was I doing? It felt like a dream. Like a hidden Lugana, who had been asleep up until this time, had sat in the empty space that was my brain, and pulling the strings.


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    Damn if I did appreciate the help.


    One by one the townspeople turned towards me. I took one step back, then another one ¨C and they started to follow. Maybe because I was the only one who seemed to call onto them above the chaos ¨C or was it something like the dog and sheep?


    Whatever. Maybe they also had autopilot selves sitting in their brain.


    I was sure I had read something about it back on Earth.


    ¡°Come here! To the workshop! It will shield you!¡±


    Or so I hoped. Did these people had time to sit down and have a nice chat about the theoretical sturdiness of Kiengiri ruins?


    Doubted it.


    But they did seem to have the time to pick up some weapon. At least, most of the men did ¨C pokes or pieces of iron left scattered by the explosion. I led them away from the market square as I caught a few glimpses of Kishirra jumping and kicking around. Each of her blows was powerful enough to send the Chalkers flying.


    But more and more were coming, streaming out of the ground like a broken faucet.


    One Chalker grazed her back with its claws and drew a few drops of golden blood. I shuddered.


    She had to win.


    ¡°Come on! To the workshop!¡±


    Between screams and shouts, and the Chalkers Kishirra couldn¡¯t contain snapping at our heels, the retreat commenced.


    +++


    Once again she had failed.


    Failed to protect.


    Failed to foresee this.


    Kishirra turned, grasping the first thing she could ¨C it felt hard enough, she did not even stop to check ¨C and smashed the misshapen face of the monster into a pulp with a heavy brick.


    ¡°Dawn will come!¡± She shouted, and turned to kick another into the ribs, sending it flying. She was panting. Pain from where the other one had wounded her side spreading like a venomous bite.


    Another two assaulted her from both sides, she ducked and rolled on the ground.


    I cannot do it alone. Please. Please, Lady.


    She tried to reach out for the one light that shines above ¨C and found only dead silence around her. A spike of fear pierced her heart.


    Lady!


    No answer came.


    She was alone.


    ¡°Dawn will come,¡± she panted, grasping at a still-lit brazier and tossing heated coal all about. The searing metal scalded even her resistant skin, but she cared not. She had faced then Trial of Fire! When the crown of gold placed upon her head had melted and ran down her face like oil, and her skin had been left unmarred by Providence, did she shudder?


    Was she afraid then?


    She wouldn¡¯t be afraid now.


    She wouldn¡¯t.


    She pierced the next Chalker with the brazier¡¯s base and used the metal head to bash the skull of another.


    Her arms were starting to feel heavy.


    At least Lugana would be safe.


    She had probably led the survivors to the workshop.


    Kishirra did not want to look at the ground. Where the Chalkers streamed out, and where some gathered to feast on the strewn corpses, the ones that were too slow, too dismayed, too old.


    Those that had cared too much, like a mother shielding her child.


    Kishirra shrieked, and her fury echoed like a bell on the destroyed marketplace, among the rising fires and the powder that was coming like a blanket to cloud the sky and the silver strewn of the planetary ring. She jumped and crashed like a maul of vengeance on the Chalkers gathered to devour the mother¡¯s body, her bones already licked-clean.


    She turned on herself, crashing the bent remnants of the brazier onto the bodies of the monsters, sending them stumbling.


    ¡°A-way!¡± She said, and her voice was already breaking. She dashed towards one of the holes where more were clawing their way out, grabbing a piece of terracotta vase as a cleaving shield. She impacted against the first one, swung her arm and picked the head of another straight off its neck.


    The fury of battle danced in her veins and her body knew what to do before she asked it to ¨C training and the inherent might of her race.


    They had been pets, once. Little more than animals, beings cultivated and bred as amusement.


    She had believed she could become something else.


    That she could lead the way towards a better future for all of them.


    A future, at least.


    Share it with someone, perhaps¡­


    Once again, she had been uselessly arrogant.


    ¡°Dawn will¡­ come,¡± she groaned, heaving.


    Something itched. She looked down ¨C an entire Chalker arm stuck out of her stomach.


    How did it end up there?


    No idea.


    She reached for it and pulled it out. Golden ichor sprayed like a shower of fluttering stars.


    At least Lugana would be safe.


    With her new life.


    She could give her time.


    This was her Test.


    Tried and failed.


    Kishirra coughed and fell on one knee.

 Chapter 25

    My lungs were turning into coals.


    By now all I could do was run.


    Any attempts to make this a proper withdraw had lasted a handful of seconds. Then the first men had fell under the three Chalkers hounding them, and the rest had trampled like crazed ants through the streets, clawing at the windows and rapping at the doors. The cries meshed with the wet sounds of the feast. The ripping flesh, the shrieks.


    Every man for himself. It turned into a rout.


    ¡°Lugana!¡± Someone took me in his arms. I looked up.


    ¡°Da-Dad,¡± I croaked. He held a hammer in his left and was bleeding from an ear, but seemed fine.


    ¡°Are you alright? Oh, Lu, are you hurt?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine. I¡¯m fine! Listen, Kishirra told us to bring these people at the workshop, we should be fine there.¡±


    ¡°Your mother is holding the door. Oh, I thought¡­¡± he hugged me even closer and then he gripped me by the wrist. We began to run, swifter than the wind, swifter than I thought my legs could carry me.


    Luckily, the other Lugana was still safely at the reins.


    We passed through the crowd.


    Should help them, some distant part of my mind said.


    I waved my arm to call upon them, but almost nobody saw me. They were all busy escaping, their eyes white in the scattered light of the candles, their mouths open to scream amidst the sifting scent of lemons, amidst the scattered candles, amidst the ruins of the festival.


    ¡°This¡­ way,¡± I shouted. Useless.


    Dad pulled me towards the workshop¡¯s entrance. Mom¡¯s eyes shot open as soon as she saw us. She jumped straight through the door, holding a spear.


    ¡°Lugana!¡± She shrieked, holding me and Dad together. ¡°Oh, thank the spirits you are here. Are you safe?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine. Listen¡­ listen. Kishirra said that we should try and keep people safe in the workshop.¡±


    Did she? My memory was a bit confused. But I trusted in autopilot-Lugana.


    ¡°It might hold out,¡± Dad agreed. ¡°Besides, those things can¡¯t take a good hit.¡± He waved his hammer.


    ¡°You just come inside. Hey, you!¡± She grabbed a young man who was running about with an ugly scratch on his face. ¡°Get inside! And you too!¡±


    Mom gathered as many people as she could. Dad pushed me towards the entrance and past the counter ¨C which he had already pushed down to make a barricade.


    ¡°Pick the spears up,¡± he said. ¡°Pointed at the door. I¡¯ll get the furnace ready. Let¡¯s see how these things like some coronite.¡±


    I did as he said ¨C Mom pushed inside a few more people.


    ¡°Don¡¯t stand there! Help Lugana set up some defences!¡± Mom whipped them into shape and they accepted the weapons as I passed them onto them.


    Amidst the steel ones lay another one.


    A black poleaxe of shining Kiengiri not-glass.


    I picked it up and I froze right as I was passing it over.


    ¡°No, not this one.¡± I gave the woman next to me a short spear Dad¡¯s been working on and I kept that one for me.


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    ¡°Lu!¡± Mom exclaimed hugging me close. ¡°You¡¯re safe. Oh, you¡¯re safe. My child. Oh, thank the spirits. Starless night, what are those things?¡±


    ¡°Chalkers,¡± I said, still feeling like my mouth was moving on its own. Kishirra¡¯s weapon was here. It was not there with her. Not good. ¡°Like the stories you read me when I was young.¡±


    ¡°But those were¡­ oh spirits.¡± Mom covered her mouth in dismay.


    And then something heavy battered against the door, sending a cloud of white powder through the cracks. The wood creaked and moaned as claws scratched against it. A nail-like claw tore through the material.


    ¡°They are here,¡± I said.


    The door creaked again. Amidst the growing light from the furnace, I had a flash of insight.


    I saw Kishirra dead on the ground, golden blood running from her mouth ¨C her eyes dull as old silver.


    Something inside me revolted against it.


    I wanted to take this poleaxe and pierce right through that thought. Kishirra couldn¡¯t die like that.


    So beautiful, so desperate ¨C alone.


    She would not.


    By sunrise, we wake up with bright thoughts.


    ¡°Mom,¡± I said. ¡°I love you. Dad!¡±


    He couldn¡¯t hear me, but he still turned his head. Somehow, he knew.


    ¡°I love you! You are the best parents I could ask for.¡±


    By midday, we share bright words with each other.


    The door broke into splinters and a white thing, all hungry teeth and pleased growls at the upcoming feast, slithered towards the barricade.


    As every spear meeting it trembled, I jumped forward, holding the weapon in my hand.


    I cried as one with autopilot-Lugana. For the first time in my life, I knew exactly what I was doing.


    And by eventide, we have done bright deeds.


    +++


    Kishirra choked on her own blood. She still stood, if only one knee. She was surrounded by corpses, laying about like the macabre bloom of a deadly flower.


    Others were still coming. The Chalkers that had finished to reduce the inhabitants to a pile of bones turned towards her, eager for more.


    This was on her.


    These industrious, well-meaning people.


    All her fault.


    That is enough, said the smoky voice she had learned to hate.


    A woman walked forward, her skin as alabaster as powdered snow. Her skin was pulled taut on her skull and a rictus-like grin split her face. Her body lost flakes of see-through skin which fell behind her like the tail of a comet.


    Would not want to spoil the body.


    Kishirra grit her teeth. She would not die on one knee.


    Oh you shall not die at all. No, everything will fall upon its proper place.


    She frowned. Something else was going on.


    In the middle of the woman¡¯s chest stood a tiny piece of glistening sapphire. Or perhaps something that looked like a precious gem, but instead of scattering light it seemed to eat right through it, a ravenous azure fire that made her eyes hurt. It was like when she had tried to look at the Sun before embracing the Faith.


    Back when it would still hurt her.


    But this was a different kind of brightness, a light similar to those that sometimes lingered about graves or marshes ¨C a light that alighted nothing.


    ¡°The Seven Sisters,¡± Kishirra growled.


    But the tiniest of shards and the briefest of echoes, the thing embedded in the chest replied. The woman-shaped flesh that was its vessel hinted at a mocking bow. It has been a long time since the neutering of the world. Yet, enough to keep walking on the one true trail. And soon enough, to walk anew.


    Ever since she had embraced Faith and set her fate in the hands of Someone else, Kishirra had let go of fear. But right then, laying stricken and bleeding in the middle of B¨´rian¡¯s market square, at the end of that beautiful festival, fear came back to lick at her neck with its hideous, scraping tongue. It coiled around her heart in an icy vice and spiked through it.


    Lady, she prayed, looking up.


    Did She abandon her for good?


    Oh, the other way around. It is always the same with you sun-seeking hypocrites. You put all your faith in someone else, and when you are found wanting, you break like the thinnest glass.


    The thing that had been a woman shook its head.


    If you have to blame someone for your failure, blame your selfish desires.


    The woman leaned forward. Her form seemed to fill the sky.


    Kishirra would have wanted to fight ¨C but what would have been the point?


    She had wasted this life.


    She had failed the Test.


    And she had been found wanting, just like the rest of her doomed race.


    Save others? She couldn¡¯t even save herself.


    At least¡­ Lugana¡­


    The woman-thing crouched right next to her. Its fingers came to rest on her lips. She snarled and spat.


    It bothered them not.


    Open wide now, it said.


    Kishirra gritted her teeth.


    She failed in everything ¨C but she could make it a little harder to debase her body.


    Perhaps her Lady would spare one thought for her.


    ¡°Hey! You!¡± Said another, shaking, young voice, rattling through the air like the first gale of spring. Kishirra turned to her right. There, standing panting and spattered with white and crimson, holding her Sab-Gi¡¯Su poleaxe, stood Lugana Delebasse. She pointed a trembling hand at the woman-thing. ¡°Yeah, you! Keep your fucking hands off my Elf GF!¡±

 Chapter 26

    Ah, I was making a fool of myself.


    ¡°Got me good¡­¡± I groaned, holding my side. I had speared right through that thing like it had been paper. Whatever this black stuff actually was, it was worth its weight in gold.


    I felt like I was swimming in a dark lake, and had lost my way. Flashes of my old life appeared right in front of my eyes, to then disappear. A couple of smiling face. My other parents. I think.


    Another flash, coming closer.


    And then I woke up and the first thing I saw was Mom¡¯s face.


    I had¡­ forgotten about that¡­


    I kept walking. Hey, at least I had yet to find more of those white things.


    Chalkers. Yes.


    Should have called them something more menacing because fuck, they could bite.


    My shoulder knew about that.


    It did not matter. I swayed and took another step. B¨´rian was a small city. A town. Whatever.


    ¡°I want to write that book, you know? I want you to read it. I want Mom to tell me I did a good job,¡± I panted. Just a couple more turns.


    I was almost at the square. She had to still be alive.


    She had to.


    ¡°Hey, up there,¡± I groaned looking at the sky. No Sun, but that silver planetary ring shone from reflected like, didn¡¯t it? I knew so little about this world.


    Maybe I should write fucking Wikipedia and not a useless flower compendium.


    Let¡¯s just assume it did, because by then I was at the end of my rope.


    ¡°Hey, you. Goddess-whatever¡­ don¡¯t let her die on me, alright? I care¡­ I care about her.¡±


    I stumbled right, and then walked down the road, amidst the bones and the fallen braziers and the curtains of flames coming up to lick at the night. It smelled like blood and fear and lemons.


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    I might not like lemons that much anymore.


    The square. Yes.


    A pile of corpses, in a ring, and there¡­


    What was that?


    It looked like a ghostly woman, but her skin and flesh rippled like a sea anemone. Something shone in the middle of her chest.


    And Kishirra ¨C Kishirra was ¨C alive!


    Ah, thank God! Whatever God, in this or any other world.


    She was messed up, but alive.


    And the other woman was so close.


    Whatever it was ¨C not good. I stumbled forward. More Chalkers, but they ignored me, all of them sitting patiently like whipped dogs.


    Then the woman leaned forward, and crouched next to her, and fucking set her fingers against her lips?


    What the-


    I whipped my arm out and pointed at that fucker.


    ¡°Hey! You!¡±


    She turned to look at me. Kishirra did as well, a shocked look on her face.


    ¡°Yeah, you! Keep your fucking hands off my Elf GF!¡±


    And then I threw the poleaxe at her.


    It arched through the empty air and it missed her by a good three feet.


    It clattered on the ground, useless.


    The Chalkers all turned to look at me, hunger now lit in their beady eyes.


    Throwing your sword always works! It was supposed to work!


    ¡°Lugana Delebasse, you senseless nincompoop!¡± Kishirra shouted.


    I was inclined to agree.


    Not my best moment.


    The closest Chalker growled and lunged at me.


    Maybe my last.


    I turned to look at Kishirra.


    She wasn¡¯t there anymore.


    Once more, something very fast and very angry hit the Chalker. It pulverized its torso into a burst of powder and broken innards ¨C it fell on its back with a gargled whimper and it did not move anymore.


    ¡°Lugana.¡± Kishirra held me with her left arm. Her right one was bent at a weird angle. She was missing two fingers from that hand she had hit the Chalker with. ¡°Why are you here? You should have been with your family. I gave you this chance¡­ why did you not take it?¡±


    ¡°I would not leave you to die alone.¡±


    ¡°I am supposed to die. It is in my blood, you daft girl, it is in my stars! It is what I have been bred for!¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± I spurted. Was this out first fight? Couldn¡¯t we argue over curtains colour or some other stupid topic all couples did? I wasn¡¯t good with this life-or-death stuff. I was a nerd girl with weak arms, a terrible aim and a big crush. My greatest aspiration was to write a book about flowers. So give me a break, please ¨C I had something good in my lives for once, and I wasn¡¯t going to let it go. ¡°I was supposed to die of anxiety in my room, and guess what.¡±


    The Chalkers came even closer. Kishirra held up her good hand.


    ¡°Stand back. You would not harm this body any further, would you?¡± She looked at my shoulder. ¡°You are bleeding badly. How? Why did you not flee?¡±


    ¡°You were good to me.¡±


    It was getting dark.


    Where was autopilot-Lugana? Right when I needed her¡­


    My body felt heavy.


    And kind of dull.


    Blood loss. I had read something about it once.


    ¡°I was selfish,¡± she choked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I replied. How many times were we supposed to have this conversation? My girlfriend was so stubborn. ¡°But. You were there.¡±


    I raised a hand against her cheek.


    It was a bit wet.


    And I was falling.

 Chapter 27

    Kishirra¡¯s mouth opened in a mute scream.


    She could heal this. It was a deep wound, but she could stop the wound. Ans¨¤rra¡¯s power was healing and care. She could¡­ she could¡­ if she could only reach out. It wasn¡¯t for her.


    Something touched her face. Lugana¡¯s hand.


    ¡°But. You were there,¡± she croaked. Her eyes rolled back and her hand fell.


    You were there.


    But.


    But. You were there.


    Her words rattled through her head.


    It matters not, said the thing. Kishirra turned, holding Lugana against her body. The woman-thing was flaking off. The blue shard stretched out of her body like a stinger, wriggling itself free off the vessel that had contained it for so long. Do not forget what you are, Elf. A worthless existence, fuelled by base desires. A weakling, a selfish brat.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± she replied.


    What? The thing hesitated, likely more stunned by her use of that strange word. It tasted a little silly and a little inane, just like the brave woman who had first said it.


    ¡°I said that¡¯s okay. It¡¯s fine to be selfish. It¡¯s fine if I am weak. If not fine by me, fine by others. One who is here,¡± she said gritting her teeth. Kishirra raised her good hand towards the sky. ¡°And one who is Above.¡±


    Nonsense and platitudes. The woman snarled and came close. Stand still now. It will all be over in a few moments ¨C all will fall into its proper place.


    ¡°You know why it¡¯s fine?¡± She shouted, holding Lugana close. It was not like her, to speak like this. But in this moment, she felt like the girl had rubbed off some of her foolishness on her. Not a bad feeling, not at all. ¡°Because I was there.¡±


    Because she woke up every morning ¨C because she said her prayers, in hope and in despair.


    Because she did not let go.


    Because she sat on the shores of the Mar da Cand¨¨a and regarded the brief lives of the Mannish kind living there, and had found them endearing.


    And when the time came, she had stood up to the challenge.


    ¡°Because, you wretched shade, that was my Test!¡±


    And the world made sense once again.


    A circle of golden flames appeared around her blonde head, making her hair flare out like a halo. Each of the hairs on her head as bright as the midday Sun. Her silver eyes shone with the brightness of the open furnace. Echoes of light scattered all around her body, like reflection upon invisible waves.


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    A sudden wind rustled her dress of leaves and Lugana¡¯s clothes and dark hair. The light seeped into their skin, into their flesh. Bit by bit, the wound on Lugana¡¯s shoulder turned from an angry red to the pale shade of newborn flesh. She stopped breathing in spurts and she fell into a peaceful sleep.


    She would take it from here.


    Kishirra held up her hand.


    ¡°D¡¯oro ¨¨ corda che cce lega,¡± she stated. A golden whip appeared in her left hand. With a quick shake of her wrist, she wrapped its end against her poleaxe and grabbed it.


    Her right hand was knitting itself together, rebuilding bones and flesh and skin under the touch of the blessed light.


    ¡°Ch¨¦ no v¡¯¨¨ notte sanza Stella,¡± she continued reciting her Sanction. The golden crown on her head flashed and the night came crawling into thin corners. The dawn had come to rest in the middle of the market square of B¨´rian. Her dress of leaves caught fire and it enveloped her into an armour of vengeful flames. She aimed her poleaxe at the fragment of the demon. ¡°Ed all¡¯Alba l¡¯ombra annega.¡±


    She advanced, the ground going up in puff of smoke as her flaming feet cracked the soil, and set ablaze the pieces of wood, branches and clothing that had once been for the festival.


    ¡°I realise now I have yet to greet you properly, demon. My name is Kishirra. Prode di Ans¨¤rra.¡±


    +++


    When I closed my eyes in Kishirra¡¯s arms I did not really lose consciousness. I felt like I was falling, and the pain from my shoulder was getting worse, dulling out every other sense in its swelling ache.


    She was still talking, but I could¡¯t reach out to her. I would have wanted to say so many other things.


    Was I going to die again? I would die on my parents once again.


    What a failure of a daughter, in this world or in the previous one. At least I did show up and do what I needed to, once or twice. And for a few hours I had a beautiful Elf girlfriend¡­


    As I kept floating, I expected to fade at any moment, so I tried to focus on any feeling, even pain. But pain was slowly fading as well. This was it.


    And then¡­ I felt like opening my eyes. I could hear noise, screams, howls. And feel an unceasing heat ¨C was I back home and laying next to the furnace?


    What was going on?


    Groggily, I opened one eye, then another. I lay in the middle of the market square and air was ablaze. The heat came from a flaming figure in red and gold, dancing back and forth as she descended on the fleeing Chalkers like an angel of vengeance. Her blonde mane was alight like a candle and her whole body bathed in golden fire.


    Ah.


    I turned my head to look at my shoulder ¨C the gash had disappeared, leaving room for pink, fresh skin.


    Not that useless a Goddess, maybe.


    Thank you for saving her, I thought.


    Kishirra swept the ground with her weapon, cutting the Chalkers in two, cleaving through them, setting their cursed bodies aflame ¨C she laughed as she fought and her stern face looked like an image of the Sun. The mysterious woman backed off, the skin peeling off her bones, flesh charred and flaking away in molten rivulets.


    The glowing shard inside her chest was trying to wriggle itself free from her body, making her tremble and shake like a marionette caught in a furious storm.


    Kishirra spoke. I couldn¡¯t hear her with my ears, but I knew the words she was saying. I felt them reverberate through air and awareness. I shaped them with my tired, dry lips.


    May the Sun shine at Night too.


    Kishirra¡¯s figure glowed even brighter ¨C she pierced the woman¡¯s right through the chest, her poleaxe biting straight through the blue shard, extinguishing its cold blue light with its own gold, warm one.


    A flash bathed the world white.


    A shriek pierced my ears, making me wince even through the blessed warmth ¨C a noise like crunched ice, like grinding glass, which grew to a hiss and then ¨C


    With a snap like an icicle coming off, it broke.


    The echoes of the shriek faded away in a shattered echo, a noise that would not weigh on this part of the world for an age.


    Then silence, blessed silence, and far-off, the sound of bells.


    I was falling again.


    Floating, caught by an invisible current.


    Maybe it was time to come home.

 Chapter 28

    They found her dressed in flickering flames. Sitting on one knee and surrounded by the charred remnants of the monsters. Kishirra held the young woman in her arms ¨C the broiling chatter of the open flames shattered by the shrill cry of Lugana¡¯s mother, throwing herself at the girl.


    ¡°She is merely sleeping,¡± Kishirra said. Was it truly her voice? It sounded dusty, emptied. She was worn out, but in a good way ¨C like coming back home after a long and hardy day tilling the fields. The flame of Ans¨¤rra still soared around her. Lugana¡¯s mother did not seem to have noticed it when she lunged at the sleeping girl, but the flames did not catch to her clothes or hair. This was a blessed light, and it would hurt her not.


    ¡°Are you- oh spirits, did you-¡± The woman was at a loss for words, and Kishirra herself did not feel like explaining everything.


    What was there to explain after all?


    This had been her Test.


    Her father came next, looking around for any threats. He crouched next to his wife, holding Lugana¡¯s shoulder and setting his tired head against hers.


    ¡°This was your doing?¡± He asked her. ¡°The monsters. Went up in flame, one by one ¨C like paper.¡±


    ¡°Not mine,¡± Kishirra replied with a knowing smile.


    He seemed to understand, and she was sure that in that moment she did not really care.


    The flames were fading. She set a kiss on the girl¡¯s brow and let her to the embrace of her family.


    She had never felt as tired. Kishirra lay down on the ground and took a few long breaths as the flames that writhed around her body faded one by one.


    Bit by bit, the crowd was coming back to the market square. At another time, she might have been bothered by her nakedness, but now ¨C it seemed such a small thing to be bothered by.


    Kishirra held up her hand against the starred sky, as if to grasp the silver ring and pry it off the heavens.


    ¡°Peace be to the Unreturned,¡± she whispered, or maybe she just moved her lips ¨C not sure. It did not matter.


    She had caught fire, and did not burn.


    +++


    They said I had missed most of it.


    I only woke up one day later. Kishirra, as she told me, did keep reassuring my parents that everything was fine, but when I opened my eyes again I was covered head to toe in bandages and medicinal reeds. Mom had the darkest bags under her eyes I had ever seen and she hugged me so hard I might have popped. Dad followed suit. For a few minutes all I could hear was Mom¡¯s sobs and Dad¡¯s relieved breathing.


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    ¡°I¡¯m really home,¡± I said when they let me go and I could lay down on my own. Checking my shoulder I saw but the faintest scar where the Chalker slashed me. At least I had got it ¨C pierced straight through that thing with Kishirra¡¯s weapon. Considering how far I had missed with it when I threw it at that weird woman, I could definitely thank my lucky stars.


    ¡°She said it will fade off completely in a few days,¡± Dad explained. ¡°At this point I¡¯m ready to believe anything.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I agreed. ¡°Uh, I mean, Yes. Indeed.¡±


    Dad seemed too relieved to care about my little slip.


    This would have been a perfect moment to tell them the truth.


    If they needed to hear it.


    Which, to be frank, they did not.


    I looked at the door and there, dressed in her old trousers and blouse, stood a tall Elf, her blonde tresses falling gently over her shoulders. She looked at me with a gentle smile, fondness shining in her silvery eyes.


    I smiled back and nodded.


    It would be out little secret.


    +++


    Next day I was out and about ¨C and covered in dust.


    It covered my tan a bit. Laying so close to Kishirra when she lit up like the sun had given me a deeper tan than summer could.


    ¡°That one goes over there,¡± said Berardo the Milk Dude, who had been appointed foreman. I nodded and helped to clean the square from the remnants of molten braziers, burned tables and chairs, charred lemons.


    Kishirra was a few feet away, also lending out a hand with the rubble, and dispensing a hug when some of the townspeople asked for it. She was holding an old woman at that moment, lulling her gently back and forth.


    I had heard some complaints about her yet, but most of the B¨´rian citizens had seen her surrounded by flames, or killing the Chalkers with her bare hands, and you can cover up the truth for so long.


    I threw the burnt remains into the pile and reached for the spade to help clean more shards of glass. With its final shriek, the demon shard had shattered every glass surface in town ¨C windows, bowls, cups, everything. Only the Sab-Gi¡¯Su had been left unaffected.


    As it turned out, Kishirra had fainted for about one hour, then she had put on a fresh pair of trousers and a shirt and she had thrown herself into the tunnels. She did not stop until a few hours before the next sundown, and when she came out she was once again covered in powder and white-streaked grime.


    The hills around B¨´rian would stay safe for a long, long while.


    We sat together when it was time to eat. The townspeople kept offering everything they had left to Kishirra, and she turned it all down with a smile and heartfelt thanks.


    ¡°It is not me who you should thank,¡± she replied after the tenth time someone praised the prowess of their Elf warrior. ¡°I could not do all this alone. I was sent here to deal with this threat by Someone else.¡±


    As we shared lunch ¨C Kishirra put into my plate almost any delicacy she was offered, and I did wolf all of it ¨C she kept explaining the pillars of her faith. It did not feel to me like she truly trying to convert our town in mass, but more than one curious person approached, and she was even more eager to explain.


    There was this one moment ¨C when she held up the three fingers and said the lines about the three daily prayers again ¨C when something struck to me about her.


    Kishirra¡¯s shoulders looked so relaxed. She even slumped back a little. It was like when I had finally taken off my backpack during our day out ¨C I could finally breathe freely. With her golden tresses caught by her leafy ears and her chocolate skin shining under the sun, her gentle silvery eyes and her kind smile ¨C something caught in my heart.


    I wanted to keep seeing her like this.


    I was just the daughter of a smith ¨C a reedsmith as they called us in B¨´rian ¨C and she was an awe-inspiring Elven Knight. Maybe one day she would even be called a Saint, or something like that.


    But I would do my part.


    ¡°I will be there,¡± I uttered. Kishirra¡¯s ear twitched and she stopped for a moment, turning to look at me. Did I say that out loud? ¡°Oh, d-don¡¯t mind me, I was just¡­¡±


    ¡°I am glad,¡± she replied. She set her right hand atop my left and came back to her sermon. So selfish.


    Maybe it would be my turn to catch fire.

 Chapter 29

    The town would take time to recover.


    As luck would have it, autumn rains had started early. For ten days it showered cats and dogs, and it did clean off the streets.


    By the time they passed, the reminders of the festival were the cracked and molten stones in the main square, homes without glass windows, and the growing visits at the cemetery.


    Kishirra was always there, with a kind word for everyone.


    On the first day of sun, a market day, I was there with Mom as we all tried to go back to a routine. I never knew how much I missed it.


    ¡°You look much better!¡± I said to Berardo, the same young man who had first sold me milk. One lifetime ago.


    One Lugana ago, for sure.


    ¡°Looks like it. I actually had a gnarly wound on my leg, but your Elf friend said it will heal¡­ I tried not to show it, to be honest. Shame she doesn¡¯t have any of those glowing fire powers anymore. She would be useful around here, we still have trouble with bandits and the like.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s exactly how it works,¡± I replied while he filled in the jar with more milk. The cow flipped its tail back and forth as if to agree with me.


    And that, of course, brought me with the trouble at hand.


    Kishirra already could not leave our workshop without being followed by a throng of eager postulants. They all wanted to see her blowing up a barn, or heal their old sick mother, or they were sure they had seen another one of those monsters and if she could follow them to their farm for a check, please and thank you would she, great warrior that she was¡­


    She had found it endearing for a day, amusing for the next, and by now she was quite fed up with it.


    ¡°Still a shame. Think she will like it here? She could settle in town!¡± He remarked giving me my milk.


    ¡°Hmm. You would have to ask her. Wait, actually you shouldn¡¯t. Don¡¯t bother her too much.¡±


    ¡°Whatever. I still hope she would. Oh, no, it¡¯s free. You were the one who brought her here after all, weren¡¯t you?¡±


    I blinked, my hand frozen as it reached for the coins.


    I had been the one to welcome her in the workshop.


    Oh god, all those months ago. The memory was stark, but if I tried to think about that time it felt¡­ fuzzy. Like it belonged to someone else.


    Like my memories of Earth ¨C a half-remembered dream.


    ¡°I¡¯ll accept it for this time,¡± I said with a nod and a smile. After all, I knew there would not be another one.


    Mom found me as I bought a new pestle for the herbs. And on my way, I stopped to also purchase some ink. And more rolls of reed paper.


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    ¡°We have lots of paper already,¡± Mom pointed out, but I shook my head.


    ¡°It¡¯s not for the journey.¡±


    She sighed, wrapping her arm around my shoulder as she dragged me away from the market square.


    ¡°Sometimes I swear you pick up the weirdest figures of speech¡­¡±


    ¡°Elven influence, I guess,¡± I replied with a grin.


    A few hours later, I was in the garden, drawing the crude shape of a caramalia flower, and writing down its qualities to the page.


    +++


    I found her sitting on the hills looking down the Mar da Cand¨¦a. It was the same spot we had explored together, but now all the flowers were gone, the grass was as gold as her hair, and the trees were shedding their leaves into the wind.


    I was panting as I reached her, but at least this time I did not have to carry a backpack. And I had made an effort to walk every day. Baby steps. I would be able to do sit-ups any day, now.


    Any day. If I had to choose one, always tomorrow.


    I approached Kishirra. We did not speak, not even when I sat next to her, resting my head against her shoulder.


    The leaves crackled in the wind. It sounded like a gently-popping fire, somewhere off in the distance. Air smelled like damp earth and a faint memory of storms.


    ¡°It is a peaceful corner of the world,¡± she said at last. ¡°I would have wanted to protect it a little better.¡±


    ¡°Stop it, you.¡± I elbowed her. ¡°You did whatever you could, and then more.¡±


    ¡°Still feel like it was never enough,¡± she sighed. ¡°But then again I am not the one who will have to decide on such matters.¡± She paused and entwined her hand with mine. ¡°Speaking of matters I do not completely understand¡­ right before you foolishly threw your only weapon at the demon, that time, you said something alike to ¡®Elf GF¡¯. What does gee-eff mean?¡±


    ¡°Oh. Oh, uhm¡­ it means¡­¡± I held up our entwined hands. ¡°This, basically.¡±


    ¡°I see. Then I very much will be your gee-eff,¡± she chuckled, drawing me closer. It was hard to describe, but next to her I felt much much safer than I could ever be huddled up in my room. I wanted to tell her, but right then I could not express myself to the best of my abilities. And the best of my abilities were the worst of most people¡¯s.


    So I just tilted my head up and gently pressed my lips against hers.


    Kishirra¡¯s eyes widened for a moment, then she set her hand against my cheek and drew me into the kiss.


    Her lips were softer than soot and warmer than ember. I closed my eyes and drew into the moment.


    When we detached, I felt like piercing through a line of Chalkers if it meant to have one more moment like this.


    ¡°Thank you,¡± Kishirra said, wrapping her arms around me.


    We rested like that, mingling our breaths to the crackling of the leaves. The Mar da Cand¨¦a glistened green and blue as always, spattered with the whites of fishing boats and the red of the growing reeds. By winter they would withdraw into the depths, and the town would pivot to using the mills to make paper. B¨´rian was an industrious city. They would be able to rebuild their glass items soon enough. With some luck, before snow truly set in.


    ¡°I cannot fit a role that is not mine,¡± she stated with a deject sigh. ¡°I do not know the Scriptures past what I had set to memory. And I cannot truly grasp the matters of Faith like a Mannish soul would. They need someone else to teach them if they are going to learn.¡±


    She paused, pursing her lips.


    ¡°They are going to need it. If anything, this proves once again how the Adversaries are still at work. Others will come, and when they shall, you must be ready. No matter how long it takes.¡±


    Leave it to her to sound so serious even in such a peaceful moment.


    ¡°Those people will try to follow you anyway.¡±


    ¡°That is why we are leaving soon. I will put a good word with some Sunseekers I know in Madua. They will send someone better than me. Besides, I was sent here on a Quest, and I have completed it. Found even more than I had expected,¡± she chuckled, setting a kiss on my fingers.


    ¡°I am ready. I mean- I will when it¡¯s time.¡±


    ¡°You are a brave girl, Lugana Delebasse. Brave enough to teach courage to someone like me.¡±


    Oh come on! Now she was trying to turn my face redder than the lake¡¯s reeds.


    ¡°N-Not at all. And you were the one to inspire me to finally take a step out of the bed.¡±


    ¡°Then we have found each other on the road.¡±


    ¡°Yes. Yes, that¡­ sounds like a good idea. Let¡¯s keep doing that.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she nodded.


    We rested on the grass until the shadows grew long and bowed to the setting sun.

 Chapter 30 - Final

    Mom was making a valiant effort, but I could see through it.


    ¡°And remember to write,¡± she said holding my hands in hers, her eyes inkling with tears even in the silver glow of the night. ¡°Write me every six days or I swear that I will come to Madua myself and I will-¡±


    ¡°No need to finish that though,¡± Dad interjected, hugging us both. ¡°You be a good girl, will you? Take care, and do not wait too long before coming back.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just for a few months,¡± I promised, trying to speak clearly through Dad¡¯s bear hug. ¡°We will be back before next summer, I swear.¡±


    ¡°With your book,¡± Dad reminded me. ¡°I am eager to read it.¡±


    ¡°Yes, and I will make sure you have the best paper for it, and the best copying masters for hand-writing!¡± Mom assured me through her tears, now spilling all over her face. ¡°Everything will be ready.¡±


    ¡°Mom, I don¡¯t doubt it! But we really must go, or they might catch us!¡±


    She let go. Kishirra waited patiently on the sidelines, her weapon strapped to her back. She wore her brigandine. We had repaired it the best we could, but it still missed most of its plates. She was confident we would not need them, though.


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    My parents walked the last few steps separating me from the Elf, and with one final hug, they said goodbye.


    ¡°You take good care of her,¡± Dad said looking Kishirra in the eye. Even by night, it was easy to see her cheeks darken a little.


    ¡°To the best of my abilities. And a little further, whenever I can.¡±


    ¡°Good answer,¡± he nodded. ¡°Ouch,¡± he excused himself, rubbing at his eyes. ¡°More of that furnace soot, apologies¡­¡±


    ¡°Stay safe, and stay on the road, and¡­ oh, Lugana!¡± Mom hugged me one last time. ¡°I am so proud of you. I was so worried and now¡­ oh, look at you. So proud.¡± She kissed my forehead and, batting her eyelids like crazy, stepped back.


    ¡°We will be back soon,¡± I reassured them. I felt pinpricks in my eyes as well. ¡°Sooner than you think.¡±


    ¡°It would be a great honour to greet you two in the Holy Land,¡± Kishirra assured them as I reached her. ¡°Please do consider that.¡±


    ¡°Maybe in a few years,¡± Dad said. ¡°Still have a business to run.¡±


    ¡°But we will consider it,¡± Mom assured, entwining her fingers with his.


    ¡°I will write! Heeeave-ho!¡± I said as I put my backpack on. ¡°We are going to take frequent breaks, right?¡±


    ¡°Whenever we can,¡± Kishirra reassured me, running her fingers through my hair.


    ¡°Expect my first letter when we reach Cand¨¦a. You two be safe as well!¡± I waved at them. I felt like running back, hugging them again ¨C but it was time to go.


    Time to make another first step.


    Kishirra and I left, climbing uphill as the night spread on. I kept turning and waving at my parents ¨C Mom held up her hand as if to reach to me until the first road curve hid them from sight.


    As it did, I glanced at Kishirra.


    ¡°That¡¯s it then.¡±


    ¡°That is the start,¡± she replied with a smile, reaching out to hold my hand.

 Chapter Extra - 10000 views Special

    I still couldn¡¯t believe it sometimes.


    The Elf stood out in the rain, covering her gorgeous face with her hand as she peered through the sky. Drops fell on her clothes and tinkled against the tetrarmid plaques she wore. Her long straight hair fell in a waterfall of pure gold, contrasting delightfully with her sable skin.


    ¡°I think it is about to stop raining,¡± she said in her smooth voice, turning her grey eyes towards me. ¡°You are looking at me. Is something amiss?¡±


    ¡°Maybe,¡± I grinned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. ¡°Maybe I just miss it when you are not here. Come back inside, I don¡¯t want you to get a cold.¡±


    ¡°I would sooner sprout wings than get a cold,¡± she replied tilting her head. ¡°Between my constitution and the blessings of Ans¨¤rra, I¡¯d wager I will never get a¡ª and why are you laughing again?¡±


    ¡°You are so precious,¡± I said, standing up and walking towards her. A few drops fells on my face but Kishirra was right. The rain was about to leave. I wrapped my arms around her back, feeling the crinkling plaques and I set my cheek against her strong back. ¡°I am not letting go of you.¡±


    Kishirra blinked, then smiled, rubbing my arms with her hands.


    ¡°Was I being a ¡®dork¡¯ like you say sometimes?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± I chuckled.


    ¡°Then I am making good use of my time. Even if you keep using more of those weird terms from your old world.¡± She let me settle against her, breathing in her scent against that of the damp earth and the passing storm.


    We had managed to put the tent up and hide from the worst of it but now that the bad weather was gone I really wanted to just walk out with her¡­ holding hands, under the sun and the silver ring cleaving the sky.


    ¡°I am not letting go,¡± I repeated.


    ¡°Not until it¡¯s time for me as well. Will you?¡± Kishirra whispered. The sheer hope in her grey eyes pierced right through my heart.


    It also reminded me once again of the true purpose of her Quest.


    She was here to let go. She was here to escape the cycle that had doomed her people.


    She was here to die.


    ¡°Maybe I will just hold on for a few months after. I am not going to make any promises.¡±


    Kishirra chuckled, entwining our fingers.


    ¡°It¡¯s all so new for me. Enjoying the rain with someone else, taking a stroll over the hills¡­ having hope for the future. I might need some time to get used to it.¡±


    ¡°We have all the time we can ask for,¡± I mumbled against her back, then paused.


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    The thought that she would go¡­ it was still bitter. It tasted foul, like something rotten I had eaten once and I wanted to never bite again.


    But one day I would be forced to.


    ¡°Will you give us a bit of time?¡± I asked.


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Her hand left my arms and she turned to face me, tilting my head so that I was looking straight into her eyes.


    Oh, was she gorgeous. The delicate tips of her ears stuck out of her blonde hair so teasingly.


    I had to rattle my head


    ¡°I¡ª¡± I wanted to grow old and grey next to her.


    Kishirra would never change, of course. She had passed through the fire of the Epochalypse, at least two further rebirths and she was just as beautiful and as precious as the first day.


    I just had a human body and a human soul ¡ª nothing that could compare to her strength.


    I was the person to get a cold after all.


    ¡°I want to be an old lady with you. I want people to point and look at us and say: why is that old and wrinkly woman with that gorgeous Elf lady?¡±


    Kishirra laughed again, a sound like raindrops falling on silver petals.


    ¡°Perhaps it is not just I who is precious. Or a ¡®dork¡¯, as you have said.¡± She leaned forward to kiss my brow. ¡°I cannot make such promises. It is mostly up to my body, how long it can keep up against the ravages of my soul. And up to Ans¨¤rra, of course.¡±


    ¡°Of course¡­¡± I sighed.


    In my heart or hearts sometimes I had a few choice words for Kishirra¡¯s sun goddess, but I had decided I would always keep them to myself.


    ¡°I cannot say how long we have,¡± Kishirra whispered against my ear in a silky voice. ¡°I cannot foresee and I dare not. But were it even one day, I would gladly spend it with you.¡±


    ¡°I¡ª¡± I choked on the spiny mixture of sorrow and joy that was stuck in my throat. ¡°It¡¯s just that¡­ I¡¯m very selfish.¡±


    ¡°We share our flaws, then,¡± Kishirra said, then she held my cheek as she placed her soft thin lips upon mine. My eyelids fluttered and for a few moments I forgot even the raindrops falling over my face as we shared the kiss as well, together with the very last of the storm.


    When we departed, a blade of sunlight pierced the heavens and painted the grass a shiny grass, gleaming over the fresh dew.


    Kishirra laughed with joy, capturing my lips once again.


    ¡°Was that a¡­¡± I looked at the blades of sunlight. A good omen?


    I had a brief imagine spot of Kishirra¡¯s goddess waiting on the doorstep, giving me a once-over: ¡®so you are the one who wants to marry my favourite paladin aren¡¯t you? Let¡¯s see your resume young lady!¡±¡¯.


    ¡°I¡¯m just a herbalist¡­¡± I replied to the imaginary vision.


    ¡°More than enough for me,¡± Kishirra said, running her hands through my damp hair. ¡°If you will be so kind to have me, I will have you. For all the time I have left.¡± She held up our entwined hands.


    ¡°¡­ and maybe a few months after that,¡± I huffed. ¡°I told you! You¡¯re my Elf GF! I could never get enough of it!¡±


    ¡°I like it when you say it,¡± she grinned, teasing my cheek with her index finger. ¡°That and all your strange foreign slips of the tongue.¡±


    Kishirra kissed me one more time, briefly, then turned to see the clouds parting for good. A warm wind from the west rose and washed over the damp grass. Far in the distance, the white mountains surrounding the Mar da Cand¨¦a gleamed with fresh snow.


    ¡°You better get used to listening to them a lot,¡± I blushed.


    ¡°And I will be grateful for each day,¡± she replied with a flushed smile. Her cheeks growing even darker. ¡°You have given me something to look forward to, after all. I think I am the one who is in debt with you, Lugana Delebasse.¡±


    ¡°Then how about we do something I had always wanted to?¡± I grinned as I quickly took off my shoes. The grass was fresh and wet and it felt feverish against my bare feet. Neither of my mothers would approve ¡ª in either world.


    I pointed at the large apple tree in the distance, which had just started putting on new flowers, scattered amidst its branches like tiny soft white stars. ¡°Race you to the tree!¡±


    And I sprinted off on the grass. Kishirra¡¯s eyes widened, she chuckled and was quickly after me.


    As she ran at her leisurely pace for an Elf, she even pretended to put some effort into it.


    ¡°Wait for me,¡± she cried out.


    Every day, I replied in my head.