《On the Edge of Mediocrity》


 Introduction

    I''ve been so bored lately.


    I am sure this bench I am sitting on is as bored as I am. Every day people sit on it and get up, and the same thing goes on until one day it is dismantled or the bench is broken and a new one is put in place.


    I wonder if the bench is still the same bench when a board is replaced? Or is there a limit? At what point does the change take place?


    When we think about it, we are not so different from this bench, after all, aren''t we all in a cycle? We experience small differences just like this bench, but basically, we keep doing the same thing.


    For example, now I''m bored of talking, it''s raining, I''d better go home.


    When I''m walking home, I have these thoughts a lot, I don''t know, I guess it''s my habit.


    Not only on the way home but whenever my mind is free, I get lost in thought. I question everything I see. I guess a lot of people do that.


    Was it a mistake not to come to this city for university? I ask myself this question a lot. This city is as boring as I am, they even call it the gray city, but I don''t know if it''s because they call it boring or if I find it boring.


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    After all, who among us doesn''t have an opinion influenced by someone?


    My problem is not the city but my expectations of it. A new city, a different environment, and different people. I thought it would change my life.


    I''m almost home...


    "I''m home!"


    Yes, no one says "welcome" or "dinner is ready". Because I live alone.


    The place where I live is not very special. My house is 1+1 and the rent is affordable and my family helps me.


    I should wash my hands and face...


    When I look in the mirror, I am not complaining about the face I see. I have auburn hair and brown eyes. The last time I measured my height, I think it was 176 or so, although this height is considered short by some.


    But in this world, it doesn''t matter much. The university you study at, your appearance or your achievements.


    The only thing that matters is "The Secret".


    I know it sounds very cool when I say it like that, but our coming into the world is all about luck.


    And this secret is nothing but luck for me. I am 24 years old now, only 3 years left before I learn my secret.


    I might have lived all these years for nothing... I say.


    I think it''s just a joke made up by the men in suits to make everyone nervous.


    Anyway, I won''t think about it, for now, all I want to do now is sleep...

 Boredom

    My name is Dion, and I think my parents were inspired by Dionysus from Greek mythology.


    He is not such a cool god like the other gods. He is the god of wine, I guess my parents liked wine a lot, I don''t know.


    Speaking of my family, I haven''t been in touch with them for a long time. The number of times we met during the first years of my university years has decreased to zero in recent years.


    There is only a money relationship between us now. After all, it is their responsibility, no one chooses to be born.


    You know how there are some days when you wake up but your perception of time has shifted, today I woke up to that kind of day.


    "Fuck, I''m late for school, it''s 12:00!"


    Of course, it took me a few seconds to realize that we were in the middle of summer. Summer may be a vacation opportunity for most people, but for me it''s torture.


    I feel so lonely when school is out, yes, playing computer and reading manga helps me kill time, but you need people.


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    At least I have a close group of friends, at least a couple of people, and we see them from time to time. But whenever summer comes, I want school to open and whenever school opens, I want school to close.


    During the time I spend at home, I have many opportunities to think. For example, people keep looking for the purpose of life, but I think the real purpose is to find a purpose.


    Sometimes I think about the secret, why the government set the age of 27 to give out this information, but I can''t come to a conclusion. Maybe it was just a statesman who liked the number 27.


    I don''t know exactly what this secret is, but it''s interesting that no one complains about it, everyone accepts it and lives with it. Although if you oppose it, it can even lead to death, but it always seemed strange to me that there was no rebellion.


    I guess people think that this rule maintains social order or something. Anyway, people think too many things.


    Everyone is the main character of their own life, we always dream of being that "different" person. At least that''s what I think.


    But I think I am the most normal even among the normals, maybe I am different by being normal in a world where everyone is trying to be different, who knows?


    That''s enough thoughts for today, I''m not getting anywhere. I''m going to read the manga I just bought called "Attack from the Dwarf", I''m very interested in the plot, the dwarves inside the wall attack the people outside the wall.


    At least I''m going to meet my friends tomorrow, I''m in such a state that I''m waiting to meet my friends as if I''m waiting to meet my girlfriend from another province.


    This is all the result of boredom, I can''t imagine another time when people can reach each other so easily but stay so far away.


    Anyway, let''s start this manga...

 Friends

    Usually, when I wake up I wake up thinking, "I''m afraid I didn''t die today either." But I didn''t wake up like that today.


    Why not? Because I am going to meet my friends. Why am I so happy to meet my friends? Let me explain.


    I think if friendship was a completely honest thing, it would be like this:


    "Hello, people call me ..."


    "Hello, they call me ..."


    "So, since we''ve met, how about we call all the time we spend together friendship?"


    "Sounds like a good idea, you tell me what you like and I''ll pretend to be interested and then I''ll tell you what I''m interested in."


    "That way we both get to tell someone else about our interests and it makes us feel good."


    "Yes, that''s exactly what I''m looking for, thank you."


    But I don''t want to live thinking this way, so let''s just ignore it, okay? By the way, I pay a lot of attention to the way I dress, it makes me feel more comfortable when I''m out.


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    So today I''m going to wear beige pants, a white T-shirt and a brown jacket over the T-shirt and the last piece, my shoes, are white.


    There are two places where my friends and I usually meet, we rarely go to different places, but I think we are conservative about drinking coffee and sitting.


    We usually hang out in a small cafe on a side street of a very popular street because the mainstream is only for losers, we are different, this is a special place and only a few people come here, and the fewer the more special it is.


    "I better get out of the house before it gets late. "


    In the city where I live, there is such a central place that no matter where you go, the roads lead there.


    The name of this place is "Red Sun", I think it has a cool name, but we call it "Red" among friends, so I will describe it this way.


    It is possible to see all kinds of people in Kizil, I usually prefer to take the bus, unfortunately, there is no subway where I live, if there was a subway I would prefer it.


    The crowded bus was filled with the smell of sweat and exhaust, so I quickly moved to the back and managed to find a seat. Listening to music on the bus is one of my biggest pleasures, I''m not usually the type of person who listens to a lot of music at home, but listening to it on the bus is something else.


    I even like to listen to music when I''m walking to the meeting place, it''s as if all the other people are watching me, admiring me and I''m walking among them like a superior being.


    Yes, I think like that and I don''t think it''s strange at all. You are strange if you are not doing that.


    Now, if you''ll excuse me, I''m going to listen to my music on the bus and daydream, and then we''ll continue.

 Personality

    I know what you''re thinking, what I''ve told you so far has made me look like that person outside of society who thinks he''s different and looks down on everyone, right?


    But haven''t I told you before, I am the most normal of the normal, I may get carried away with music and get into a mood sometimes, but this is an exceptional case.


    There were times when I felt superior, but isn''t every person superior in something anyway? I feel like I am asking you too many questions, am I trying the Socratic method...?


    Looking out of the bus window, the gray city looked surprisingly vibrant today. The sun reflected off the glass facades of the buildings and caught my eyes. The sky was like a deep blue painting with clouds as soft as cotton candy. But the reality behind this beauty was scorching heat. The heat waves seemed to melt the asphalt and my lungs burned with every breath.


    How quickly I lose my joy, there are so many beautiful things, but a single discontent prevents me from seeing other beauties.


    Hey wait a minute, I can keep questioning myself, we didn''t make such a rule, at least consider it my right.


    Today we will meet again at our favorite place and I have two alternatives to get there, either I will take the bus or I will walk.


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    As you guessed, I didn''t choose to take the bus because it was too sunny and I didn''t have my glasses, why? Because I love torturing myself.


    As the sun was beating down, I regretted once again that I hadn''t taken my sunglasses back home, which only came to my mind 10 steps away from the bus stop.


    I climbed the slope on my route with sweat pouring down my forehead and on the other hand, I still have the music playing in my ears that puts me in the mood, but I can''t focus on the song much because my heart is beating at 130 right now.


    As I start to approach the venue, some thoughts start to appear in my head again, I would like to talk about them briefly if you don''t mind.


    I think there are two states of people, the ones they are and the ones they want to be, and thirdly the ones they think they are.


    I follow this inference and when I am alone with my thoughts, I suggest to myself the portrait of the person I want to be.


    "You will no longer make unnecessary jokes, you will be calm and dignified, you will listen to people and speak when necessary, you will not be unnecessarily sensitive and you will act maturely."


    Yes, I kept this personality in my mind until the moment I saw my three friends sitting at a table in the corner of the caf¨¦ from afar they noticed me and I became this person.


    When I stepped through the wooden door of the caf¨¦, a mystical mixture of coffee and cake filled my nostrils. The dim lights, comfortable armchairs, and old records on the walls created a warm and cozy atmosphere. The laughter of my friends sitting at a table in the corner danced to the light jazz music.


    As soon as I saw my friends, all my plans to be dignified and cool fell apart. A stupid grin appeared on my face and my steps involuntarily accelerated. It was only a matter of time before I took off my headphones and returned to my own personality.


    "Whatcha doin'', y''all."