ã€ŠDream Wanderer - When she fell asleepã€‹


 The inexplicable truth of being normal

    Chapter 1 - The unexplainable truth of being normal

    My head was pounding, and I clutched the hot cup. The steaming smell of coffee came into my nose, and I breathed it in deeply. The one ibuprofen hadn''t helped, and I felt like a bulldozer had run over me.

    "You really had to go partying with Ariana. You probably shouldn''t have looked so deeply into the glass," my best friend Valeria said bitingly as she washed her dishes.

    Outside, the morning sun was breaking through the leaves of the chestnut tree that bordered the spacious terrace in front of Valeria''s parents'' house and provided wonderful shade in summer. The patio door was slightly open, letting in a warm and pleasant breeze that brushed around my bare legs like a cat. The shorts were far too tight for my still alcohol-strained body, which only wanted to sit on the sofa in sweatpants, spoon buried deep in chocolate pudding and with a trash TV series running on the TV.

    "But it was cocktail night, of course it didn''t stop at one," I moaned and took a big sip.

    I knew that Valeria was just upset that we hadn''t taken her with us. But she always had to work when it was important. I was even more grateful to her that I was still allowed to sleep with her tonight.

    "Besides," I continued, "Reese texted me again yesterday and I just needed a girls'' night out with alcohol."

    Valeria snorted but didn''t answer. Reese had been my ex-boyfriend for exactly two weeks, five days, and eight hours. How did I know that so well? Because he said to me at a good friend''s birthday party at almost exactly two o''clock in the morning after too many cups of gin and tonic:

    I think it''s fine the way it is. Let''s keep it that way.

    And then I broke it off.

    Our relationship lasted a year, three months, and four days. I could no longer count the hours.

    I sat down on the sofa and closed my eyes.

    "Why do you have to have a hangover after drinking? It takes all the fun out of it."

    A warm scent of vanilla crescents wafted from the kitchen island to me.

    "Have I missed something or is it Christmas already?"

    Valeria came over to me and sat down in an armchair with a coffee.

    "You know that all these European customs contradict my desire for freedom. It''s my way of silently protesting."

    I laughed and threw a pillow at her. She just managed to dodge it without spilling her coffee, which was a feat in itself.

    "Hey," she shouted, "you''re just as German as I am," I laughed.

    She looked at me with mock indignation.

    "Mexican blood runs in my veins, you know that for a fact."

    I just rolled my eyes. Valeria''s parents had emigrated to Germany before she was born and had made a life for themselves here as the owners of an electrical store, to which they could nowadays count five other stores. And despite the fact that their daughter had grown up in Germany, she still grew up with Mexican food, traditions and regular visits from her wealthy abuelos from the Mexican coastal region of La Paz. I used to be envious of her tanned complexion, big almond-shaped brown eyes, and wild dark curls. She had also inherited her mother''s curves, which flattered her face and curls even more. But now, a few years later, I was content with myself.

    My distant paternal grandfather had come to Germany from Scotland sometime around 1890 and had brought with him not only his kilt, which my father kept as a family heirloom, but also his beautiful reddish-blond hair and the many freckles I had inherited. However, the light blue eyes went back to my mother. The only downside was that I got sunburnt very quickly and hardly ever developed a tanned complexion.

    Valeria stroked her hair and looked at me thoughtfully.

    "University starts again in three days and then you''ll be seeing Reese regularly. Are you okay with that?"

    I shrugged my shoulders and drained my coffee in one go.

    "It''s the only way. I broke up with him, so I have to accept the consequences."

    "Yes, but you still have feelings, don''t you?"

    I snorted and went into the kitchen. I would have liked to avoid the subject, but Valeria saw through me every time. The vanilla crescents were cooling on the baking tray in the kitchen, and I popped one in my mouth. It was hot and burned my tongue, but the delicious sweetness spread down the inside of my cheeks, and I rolled my eyes in delight.

    "Wow, they''re hot!"

    Valeria gave me a dirty look.

    "You''re just distracting." I groaned.

    "At least let me enjoy your cookies. He cheated on me, what other feelings should I have?"

    Valeria clicked her tongue, expressing her scepticism.

    "You don''t believe that yourself, do you? Feelings don''t just disappear like that. Besides, technically he didn''t really. You gave him permission, after all."

    I rolled my eyes.

    "Come on, Val, you''re supposed to be on my side. That''s the unspoken code of friends in a breakup."

    This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

    I ate another vanilla crescent. Wonderful. Simply wonderful.

    Valeria was still looking at me doubtfully.

    "Oh, it doesn''t matter. It''s my business anyways," I hissed and walked to the kitchen, put my cup down and went to the front door.

    I put my shoes on, grabbed my bag and gave Valeria a half-hearted wave.

    "I''ll see you tomorrow, okay?"

    The moment I went out into the heat and away from the house, I instantly felt sorry that I had reacted like that towards Valeria. Of course, she was right, and I was aware of that, but I didn''t want to hear it. I squinted my eyes and blinked against the light. The August sun really had it going on.

    I grabbed my bag and made my way home. Three bus stops later - a route I could have walked, but I was still hungover, and the sun was doing the rest - I got off, walked along a short path paved with large stones and knocked on the door. A small, sweet, and mischievously smiling woman opened it.

    "Well, you had a bit of a drink last night, didn''t you?"

    She poked me in the side, and I just grunted and pushed past her into the hallway. It was pleasantly dark and cool inside, as my mother always closed the blinds in all the rooms without exception in summer to keep the heat out.

    "I hope you had a nice evening too," I mumbled to distract myself and went into the kitchen.

    There I opened the cupboard, took out the jar of Nutella ¨C I would always remember was there, - grabbed a spoon from the dishwasher and popped a big load into my mouth. My mother grinned.

    That was the great thing, she didn''t judge you, but always made fun of you.

    "It was great, Ravi was here, and we had a nice movie night," her eyes took on a slightly glazed, dreamy expression and I raised my eyebrows.

    "Ravi? You''ve only known him

    for two weeks, haven''t you? Movie night is already next level."

    The first spoonful was immediately followed by the next.

    "No, three," she corrected me slightly reprovingly.

    "Oh, darling, you know how I am. When I like a man, I let him know. And he''s great, you''d like him too. I''ll introduce you two soon."

    She ran her hand over my hair and then walked towards the patio door.

    "I''m going to pick some strawberries before there aren''t any left. Feel free to help me," she laughed, knowing how unlikely that was, not just at that moment, but always.

    Some people were born to garden, others were not. I belonged to the second group.

    While I was still sucking on my spoon, I looked after her.

    Ravi. An interesting name. I didn''t know him yet, but apparently, I would soon.

    As with all my mother''s previous short-term relationships, I had withdrawn at the beginning and avoided contact as much as possible. Since my parents had separated a few years ago, I had tried to build up an emotional bond with new partners only when it was clear that it was worthwhile. In the beginning, my mother had had a few too many partners for my liking and at some point, I gave up trying to get to know them.

    It wasn''t the same with my father, he had met Maike shortly after the separation and hadn''t looked at another woman since. I liked Maike, although I always had the subliminal feeling that she compared herself to my mother when she saw me. It was like a slight underlying insecurity, which - in my opinion - wasn''t understandable at all. Maike herself was a very beautiful and warm woman. But that didn''t seem to convince her.

    Although the subject of the separation might sound dramatic to others, my parents had parted on good terms. They had grown apart, and that was okay. They had married and had a daughter at a young age, and at some point, realized that things weren''t quite right. But they got on well together. It would have been an exaggeration to call them friends, but they were still good acquaintances.

    I sighed and took another spoonful with so much Nutella that it almost fell off the spoon so that I could just about catch it with my tongue.

    I scrolled through my phone and walked up the stairs to my room. Every single step of my small but cozy family home was so familiar to me that I didn''t even have to look anymore.

    So, how''s your head? You really let it rip yesterday (smiley face), I read the message from Ariana.

    I quickly typed a reply and then opened Netflix. I tapped on the first series that came up, which turned out to be a Swedish sci-fi thriller, leaned my phone against a pillow so I could watch comfortably lying down and relaxed.

    I only just managed to get up again, brush my teeth and pack my swimming gear for the next day before I fell back into bed completely exhausted and my eyes, which were tons heavy, closed.

    **I slipped away and was weightless.

    My body had no substance and it - or I - seemed to be flying through something, which wasn''t air. There was no feeling, no resistance, no physical perception that could have told me what temperature, what state was around me.

    What I was.

    I glided on for a while, further and further.

    At some point, sounds seemed to reach my ears. Birds? Or the sound of waves? Although the sounds were so different, I couldn''t quite interpret them.

    Then the nothingness in front of me slid apart and suddenly I could see. I saw everything.

    It was so incredibly beautiful. Below me was a lake, or a sea, that was so azure blue that it almost stung and teared my eyes. But I didn''t squint. I wanted to see it.

    Now I seemed to be flying. I flew slowly, as if I were a bird, but I was not a real being. No real being that I could have named.

    Below me was a long road on which not a single car drove. It was lined with mountains, so high that their peaks were already kissing the snow-white clouds. It was so beautiful.

    The blue of the water met the light grey of the road, contrasting with the green of the trees that covered the mountains, a mixture of firs, foliage, and conifers.

    I didn''t move, I didn''t breathe. I just flew on, just as I was. I simply soaked up the scenery.

    I didn''t know how long I flew like that; it was as if there was no time or space or anything that could be measured by human methods. I enjoyed it and felt as if nothing could disturb or even ruin the moment.

    But then I heard a loud bang that filled everything around me, and I fell. I fell and fell, further and further, towards the hard ground.

    But no - it was as if I wasn''t moving downwards at all.

    I was falling, but the ground wasn''t getting any closer.

    Instead, the scenery around me began to tear apart, literally. The colours were ripping apart, the sky was torn apart as if it were a sheet of blue paper with white cotton balls on it.

    I didn''t even try to hold on to anything or do anything. I knew inside me that there was no point. Something in my gut, or rather in my lower stomach, knew that I didn''t need to fight, or couldn''t fight.

    I relaxed and was only startled once more when a distant but loud scream reached my ears. They seemed to be shouting something, but I couldn''t quite make out what the person¡¯s, or something¡¯s lips were forming. The words, and eventually the voice, were swallowed up by the fog around me.

    I closed my eyes, there was no point in trying to look at anything now, as almost all the colours had already been swallowed up by a deep black.

    I squeezed my eyes even further shut - if I had any, because I still felt as if I wasn''t a real being, not a creature - and fell further and further.**

    I only realized I was crying when I woke up and my cheeks were hot and wet. I rubbed the hem of my T-shirt, which was already soaked with sweat, over my eyes and took a deep breath.

    I could remember everything perfectly, but I didn''t know why I was crying. I couldn''t pinpoint the sadness I was feeling at that moment. It was as if the feeling was enveloping me, but as if it had come from the darkness of my room.

    Rationally, the dream hadn''t been sad, I hadn''t seen anything bad. Maybe it had been that voice, that loud scream. It was as if there was so much pain, sadness and maybe even anger in that voice that it had burrowed under my skin.

    Although it was humid in my room, I got goose bumps. I tossed my hair, got up and went into the bathroom. I took a cold shower, let the water, which felt like beads of ice, run over my bare skin, and closed my eyes again.

    I saw the scenery in the inside of my eyelids. I didn''t shake it away.

    In the end, I didn''t know how long I lay in the tub like that, but it felt surprisingly good, and my confusion and inexplicable sadness faded with every drop that ran down my head, my face, over my shoulders and stomach

 Chapter 2

    My mother stroked my head when she came downstairs. I lay on the couch, occasionally sucking on a straw from my iced coffee and watching TV. Well, not really. My eyes weren''t really following the action. I was very tired and could hardly take in any more information. But I hadn''t been able to sleep since earlier either.

    "Would you like a fried egg too, my darling?" my mother asked me.

    I looked up at her and she smiled.

    "Would you make scrambled eggs too?" I asked with a slightly pleading smile.

    She grinned and then slightly flicked my forehead.

    "Sure thing."

    "Hey," I said, but rather half-heartedly.

    We ate together, both lost in our thoughts and silent. But it wasn''t awkward. It was more like a subliminal mutual agreement that we both got on well with. For a short while, all you could hear were the sounds of our food, the chirping of birds outside the dining room window, which my mother had opened, and a few sounds of normal life, such as cars driving past, a lawnmower - which was probably always a must on a Saturday. Then my mother cleared her throat and looked at me.

    "What are you doing today? Can you keep the evening free?"

    I was still chewing on my omelette and motioned for her to give me a moment. Then I swallowed and looked at the clock hanging in the kitchen, which I could just about see from here. It was 11 o''clock. That late already?

    "I''m meeting Val, Ariana and another friend of hers at the outdoor pool today. Taking advantage of the last few warm days. Tonight," I thought about it for a moment, "I actually wanted to have a movie night with the girls, with sleep over and all that stuff."

    I grinned briefly at my mother. Then I put another forkful of the food in my mouth and rolled my eyes with pleasure.

    I guess you could call me a foodie because I liked to eat almost everything that other people served me. I didn''t like cooking myself, I preferred to eat other people''s food and I really wasn''t fussy.

    "Why do you ask?" I said, looking into my mother''s beautiful blue eyes, which I had inherited and was very proud of.

    She shrugged her shoulders, put her own now empty plate to one side and pushed it away from her. Then she interlaced her fingers and looked at me through her eyelashes.

    "I thought maybe you could meet Ravi tonight."

    She let the sentence hang in the air for a second, but then, seeing my raised eyebrows, quickly added, "I could make your favorite lasagna and we could have a glass of wine together or something."

    I snorted.

    "I think I''ll try a few days without alcohol. I''m only just getting over my last hangover. But," I paused for a moment to keep my mom on her toes, "we can have dinner tonight. I''d just like to join the girls afterwards, it''s been arranged and I''m looking forward to it."

    She nodded quickly.

    "Of course, he''ll understand that too."

    I looked at her scrutinizingly.

    "So that''s the new one, huh?"

    I knew I was being a bit mean. But I always had this slightly protective instinct when it came to my mother. I knew she was good at standing up for herself because she was a woman who usually knew what she wanted and what she didn''t want. But with men, she could easily be a bit blind, even if there were some red flags. And I took a rather cautious approach. Not just to see how long it would last, but also to assess who these men were. Were they ever good enough for my mother? No. But some of them made a real effort, I had to admit.

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    "Sorry, I meant I was curious to get to know him. But," I put my hand lightly on her arm. "You really like him, don''t you? And he''s good to you?"

    She smiled broadly and cast her eyes down as if remembering a fond memory.

    "Yes, he really is. Believe me, you''ll like him too. I''ve already told him you''re a tough shell to crack, but I think that''s great too."

    She stroked my cheek briefly and then stood up.

    "Thanks for breakfast, Mom. I''ll do the kitchen in a minute and then I''d better get going," I called after her.

    She made a sound that she had heard and then disappeared. Ravi. What an interesting name.

    __

    "Hey you, beautiful woman, can I give you a lift?" Ariana called out to me, sitting in her car on the street outside my house half an hour later, her windows rolled down.

    She was wearing brown-tinted sunglasses on her small, straight nose, which was also covered in freckles like mine.

    I laughed, spun around once and then looked her deep in the eyes over the rim of my narrow black sunglasses - which I found very stylish myself - in a seductive manner.

    "You always are, sexy."

    She laughed and I got into the car. I kissed her briefly on the cheek as we drove off towards Valeria in her little blue Fiat 500 covered in white flowers drawn onto it.

    The car was incredibly cute and Ariana was also very proud of her baby. She had been given it by her parents, but not for her 18th birthday like many others, she had practically earned it herself. She had helped her parents out for a long time when things weren''t going so well for them financially. They were both self-employed and had therefore found it difficult to earn enough money. As a thank you, when everything was better, they gave their daughter a second-hand but really nice Fiat, which she had wanted for a long time.

    And as she was now the only one in our little group - Ariana, Valeria and I - with a car. We took advantage of that a little. But that was okay too. After all, we always shared the gas bill.

    "How were you yesterday, did you get some rest?" she asked jokingly and poked me in the side.

    "Hey, eyes on the road," I protested, pointing out of the window.

    "It''s an exaggeration, she was only going 25 mph and there really wasn''t anyone out - a trait when you came from a super small village where there weren''t many people and even fewer on Saturday-filling-the-road drivers," she grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

    "I had a very nice evening with Yuma, he spoiled my hangover away," she said with a laugh.

    "Do I really want to know how?"

    "I''d rather not. But he was a bit hurt that I had talked to Jamiro for so long. I guess he had to prove to me that he was the only one for me," she explained.

    Ariana and Yuma. A mix that no one would really have made at first.

    Ariana had always been an extrovert with lots of energy, a loud laugh, flowing light blonde hair and big brown eyes that just went so well with her name. She was often misunderstood as a result, for example as being fake or too interested by some men, who were quick to read more into it.

    It was understandable that Yuma struggled with this.

    He was a bit of a poster child for an introverted, computer-savvy and quiet person who was very good at listening and even better at reading people. But he was very much in love with Ariana and she with him, you could see that every time you saw them together.

    And although they were very different, they seemed to be very good together and to trust each other completely. They had been together for about two years now, not studying at the same university, but living together.

    I sometimes envied them, because the way I experienced it from the outside with them was not the same with Reese and me. It might have been deep and intimate, but we had often argued, and instead of sitting down together and talking it out, we had often hurt each other. And then there had been the issue that had ultimately led to the end of our relationship.

    Ariana had said something.

    "What?"

    "You mean ''Excuse me''," she corrected me and then pushed her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose.

    "I asked if you could please text Val, we''ll be right there," she reminded me.

    "We drove about half an hour to the outdoor pool. When we got there, the sun was at its zenith and I pulled one of the hats that Ariana had brought for us as a precaution, as she simply had too many of them, low over my forehead."

    "It''s the end of August, how can it still be this hot?"

    "There''s something called climate change Darling," came from Valeria.

    We trudged over things and blankets until Ariana finally exclaimed "There she is" and headed in a certain direction at the other end of the outdoor pool.

    From a distance, we could already see the dark long hair of Ariana''s friend Selma. When she spotted us, she waved to us and called Ariana''s and my names. We smiled and walked towards her.

    Selma had already chosen a nice spot next to a thick tree, far enough away from the water that we wouldn''t be disturbed by other people, but close enough that we wouldn''t have to walk far to the water.

 Chapter 3

    "Well, you," said Ariana and hugged Selma.

    I did the same and we sat down on the large white and black checkered picnic blanket. Valeria and Selma also gave each other a quick hug as they had only just met, and once we were seated, I took my time looking around.

    Although it wasn''t too crowded, it was well-filled today. Families with small children kept calling out to them or running after them, several older couples stretched their faces into the sun trying to get a tan despite the midday heat, and groups of teenagers and young adults were simply enjoying the weekend and the summer vacation.

    The girls were talking about college and the classes they had taken this year when I turned back around.

    "...and I think Mr. Ramon likes me a little. I had better grades last semester than I thought I would. I hope it will be like that again," Valeria said mischievously.

    I looked at all the things she had fished out of her huge bag in no time at all, apparently while I had just looked away, and had now spread them out in front of us: strawberries, grapes, baguettes, cheese, jelly babies - the sour ones of course, apple juice, water, a small black music box, three games, four cups, four plates, meatballs, and more.

    Last of all, when my mouth was already hanging open, she grinned over at me and pulled out a big bottle of champagne saying, "I know you wanted to do without today, but I thought we''d toast to our last real summer day anyway."

    I looked at the feast with wide eyes.

    "You brought all this? Oh man, Val, you''re our hero. This is awesome!"

    I let myself fall sideways against her and wrapped my arms around her.

    "I''ll make an exception with my alcohol consumption for you too," I laughed and threw her an air kiss as I couldn''t reach her with my lips.

    She made a squeaking sound and patted my forearm.

    "You have good taste," said Selma and picked up the Exploding Kittens game.

    Valeria shrugged her shoulders with a grin. "My grandparents used to play this with me. And," she added, "I brought the infamous salsa my abuela with me."

    She patted my knee. "She knows how much you like it and made it a little less spicy because of the heat. So you don''t overeat."

    She laughed out loud as I took the small round package from her hands with shining eyes and opened the lid. The slightly sweet and spicy smell of the sauce hit my nose, and I inhaled it with relish.

    "This is awesome, you''re just incredible, you know that?"

    Ariana threw a grape at me. "Now come off it, that sauce can''t give you an orgasm either."

    I gave her a look of mock offense. "A food orgasm is so much better sometimes, you don''t even know what you''re saying."

    "Well, you''ll just have to take it for now. Why didn''t you flirt with that hot guy yesterday? What was his name again?" Ariana tapped her chin and popped one grape after another into her mouth. Selma also stole a few and looked between us eagerly.

    "What''s going on?" she asked, but no one answered her. She didn''t seem to take it personally either.

    "Ah, Carlos!" Ariana then exclaimed.

    Valeria was busy connecting her cell phone to the jukebox and a song by Enrique Iglesias came on. I tapped her knee.

    "I really love you, but can we please not listen to Latin music today? I''ve missed it a bit with you lately."

    Valeria furrowed her eyebrows in offense but changed the music, and I heard a song by Milky Chance. Perfect for the summer day vibe.

    "And to you," I then said and began to push grapes between my lips. I tore the delicate skin with my teeth to get at the fine sweetness that awaited me underneath. Chewing, I continued:

    "...Carlos wasn''t my type at all. He only talked about himself, and I don''t have the head for that at the moment."

    "Oh," Ariana waved me off, "you don''t have to commit to anything. We''re at university, you can just have a bit of fun. He was really sweet, and I could see that he clearly liked you."

    I rolled my eyes. "I must find him attractive too, don''t I?"

    She made a snapping noise. "Not necessarily, as long as he''s good."

    She grunted, and now it was my turn to throw her off with a grape.

    "But didn''t you have a boyfriend?" Selma then asked, looking at me warily.

    I felt a little sorry that she had been thrown into a slightly subliminally unpleasant conversation and was therefore naturally a little alone. So I shook my head with a smile.

    "No, we broke up about three weeks ago."

    She looked at me sympathetically. "I''m sorry about that." She seemed to think for a moment and then opened her mouth but didn''t say anything.

    I popped two more grapes into my mouth and looked at her meaningfully.

    "You want to know why?" She nodded slowly and looked at me apologetically.

    "But only if you want to say it. You don''t have to." She raised her hands slightly as if to indicate that she wanted to give me the space to decide for myself. It was meant kindly.

    I sighed. "Shall we have a toast first? I could do with some champagne right now."

    "I was just waiting for that," Valeria laughed and popped the cork out of the bottle with a light pop.

    I looked around, some people were looking over at us curious to see what we were up to.

    Valeria poured champagne into our glasses. "A bit unromantic," she said sceptically, lifting up one of the colorful cups with champagne in it.

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    "Oh, it''s about the gesture, don''t be a snob. We just want to toast," Valeria replied and then put a cup down for Selma and me. Then she raised her own and we clinked glasses.

    "To us, to the new semester and an unforgettable summer full of ups and downs."

    "Cheers."

    We clinked glasses and took a few sips. After a few moments, I turned back to Selma.

    "Well, it was a bit of a stupid situation. I like being angry with Reese, but I also know that it''s not his fault. It''s not my fault either," I said defensively when I saw the confident look on Valeria''s face to show that she was right.

    "Reese and I had been together for a long time, almost three years. There had never really been a problem with outsiders, we were just in agreement with each other. He and I. And I actually thought that had been a good thing."

    I sighed and emptied my glass in one gulp. Ariana refilled it without comment and I continued:

    "The first time he brought up the subject of an open relationship, I got really angry. He justified it by saying that he wanted to live it up during his studies, enjoy his younger years, and all that. The typical college experience as they say."

    I laughed mirthlessly for a moment.

    "Well, but he didn''t want to lose me either. I let it sink in and thought that maybe - like many people sometimes do - he just wanted what he couldn''t have. So - stupid as I was - I agreed and hoped that he would change his mind and admit that he only needed me."

    Ariana snorted but then looked at me apologetically.

    "He''s just a man after all." She shrugged as if that explained everything.

    "Well, I thought he was different."

    "Not everyone is like that," muttered Valeria, but then fell silent.

    "Anyway," I said irritably, "it all went a bit wrong. In any case, we broke up, and I realized that it would have ended up that way anyway because we just wanted something different."

    I shrugged my shoulders as if that was the end of the matter, and although Selma seemed as if she wanted to say something else, she let it go. And I was very grateful to her for that.

    "Thanks for telling me," she said and smiled.

    I knocked my glass against hers. "Come on, let''s set a good example of casual alcoholism among students."

    She laughed and we drank our champagne.

    __

    I walked along the path, sunglasses on my nose, my cup in my hand. It was a little more pleasant now as it was slowly approaching the afternoon. The other girls were sleeping or reading on the blanket, and I had wanted to get some exercise.

    The champagne had gone to my head, which was probably mainly due to the heat. The outdoor pool was a little emptier now; especially the families with children had mostly gone home. Instead, there were now more young adults sitting on the edge with their legs dangling in the water, playing guitar and singing on the grass, or throwing frisbees around. It was a bit of a clich¨¦, but there was a reason why clich¨¦s were created.

    It was a peaceful scene. As if all these people had no worries to occupy them that day. They were simply enjoying the serenity of a summer''s day by the water. Well, the water was artificial, but who really cared?

    I lifted my cup to my lips and drank the rest of the contents in one go. I really had to admit that I was drunk. Not to the point where it was unpleasant, but to the point where it was fun.

    I looked at the people around me as I walked past them, wondering who they were, what they were thinking, and who they were here with. I walked on for a while and was almost in a trance, one step in front of the other, blinking half-open eyes against the light and lost in thought - which to be honest often included Reese, wondering what he was doing and how he was doing - when a loud voice with the words, "Hey, watch out!" brought me out of my trance.

    I was only just able to turn my head to the side to find the source of the call when something banged hard against my left shoulder. I gave a startled cry, immediately lost my balance, and fell.

    I fell into the outdoor pool, complete with sunglasses, flip-flops, and luckily an empty cup. The cool water immediately enveloped my heated body.

    It was suddenly quiet, all the noises were instantly muffled. I had my eyes open so I could see the pool around me. My flip-flops and sunglasses had slipped off, and I could see them sinking towards the floor. I was still clutching the cup tightly in my hand. Great, what priorities I had.

    I relaxed my body for a moment, looking fascinated at the floor and the edges of the pool on which the reflection of the sun was reflected in moving patterns, painting colorless images and shapes.

    While I was still looking at it, slowly running out of air and on the verge of pushing myself off the ground to catapult myself upwards, I noticed a firm touch on my upper left arm. A hand wrapped around it and pulled.

    I popped up with a snort and focused on finding my footing and wiping the water from my eyes and the hair from my face.

    "Hey, I''m so sorry," said a voice close to me. And for the second time, I was startled. I turned my head to the right and looked into the light brown eyes of a boy.

    Those eyes looked at me apologetically and regarded me. I scrutinized him. He was taller than me, not by much, but definitely at least half a head. He smiled slightly and bared a row of bright teeth that contrasted slightly with his olive skin. He had dark brown curls that fell into his forehead and - as I also noticed to my embarrassment - a really great body. A swimmer''s body? With broad shoulders and defined but lean muscles.

    I tried to regain my composure and not objectify him. Then my slightly inebriated mind made the connection between this boy and the fact that I had just fallen into the water and that it wasn''t my fault. He still held me by the arm, and I pulled it back.

    "Did you push me in?" I asked the obvious and then walked through the water to the edge of the pool to put my cup down. I needed to sort myself out a bit; it had just been a bit much all at once.

    "Yes, sorry. I was trying to intercept a ball and you were a bit in the line of fire."

    I snorted. It almost sounded like it was my fault that I was walking that way.

    "Did you at least catch the ball?" I asked him slightly provocatively, crossing my arms in front of my chest. A light cool breeze brushed against my arms, and I shivered a little. Ridiculous as it was still so warm. But I was afraid that the boy would see more under my bikini than he should, because I wasn''t wearing any padding in my top. But he was only looking at my face anyway.

    "No, unfortunately not. But I found something else," he grinned mischievously, showing off the obvious come-on.

    I snorted again, not quite knowing what to say to that.

    "I lost my stuff for that."

    I waded through the water a little and soon found the black stain of my sunglasses at the bottom of the pool. He was watching me.

    "I''m sorry about that, do you want me to pick it up for you?"

    I shook my head, took a deep breath, and dived down. The pool here wasn''t deep after all, I could stand well. But whether it was the alcohol and blood in my head or my confusion, for some reason, I couldn''t get those damn glasses up. I tried three times before I turned to the boy. He was still grinning, having watched all three attempts.

    "Would you please?" I asked, slightly annoyed.

    I felt a little uncomfortable not having made it under his gaze. Of course, it was silly. He had pushed me inside and it was the least he could do to gather my things up again. Nevertheless, it did scratch my pride a little when he reappeared a few seconds later with his glasses and two flip-flops, shaking his hair out of his face and looking so handsome.

    "Here you go," he held the items out to me with a smile. There was something else under his smile; he seemed to find the situation funny.

    I held his gaze, said, "Thank you," and took the things. Then I went to the edge of the pool and was just about to climb out when I heard a splash behind me. Then I felt a movement in the water behind me, a current on my legs, and then I heard his voice tickling my ear.

    "You''re really pretty. It was an honor to be of service to you as a lady in distress."

    I turned around indignantly. That was a mistake because now he was standing very close to me, his face maybe ten, fifteen centimeters away and grinning.

    I swallowed and collected myself for a moment.

    "I wouldn''t have been in trouble at all if you were better at ball sports."

    He laughed and his gaze traveled from my eyes down my face and over my neck further until the water on my collarbones obscured everything else of my body.

    "But it was worth it. Nice to meet you."

    And with those words, he reached next to me at the edge of the pool, climbed out, and with a final wave to me walked back to his friends.

    There was a group of five of them. When he got there, the others made some kind of comment and looked over at me, but I couldn''t understand what they were saying.

    I sighed, grabbed my cup, and then swam with my things - careful not to let them go - to the edge of the pool closer to where we were and climbed out of the water.

    I didn''t want to give him the satisfaction of walking past him half-naked and completely soaked with dripping flip-flops. Oh no.

 Chapter 4

    ¡°Well Ariel, how''s the water?¡±

    I was greeted by a sleepy Valeria, who only looked at me out of one half-open eye.

    ¡°More importantly, how''s the prince?¡± Ariana added, grinning at me.

    ¡°Yes, I''ve seen everything from afar. At first I wanted to come and ask if everything was okay. But then I saw that you''ve already had some great help.¡±

    She made her voice sound extra insinuating.

    ¡°Haha,¡± I said sarcastically, dropped my wet clothes on the floor next to her as punishment, to which she protested briefly, and then dried myself off.

    Then I lay back down with the others, grabbed my book and tried to read. But I gave up when I realized that my head had other things on my mind at the moment.

    After I saw a message on my cell phone from Reese saying Hey, how are you? Can we talk? I''ll see you Monday, right? I put that away too and closed my eyes. I listened to the music, which had now returned to Ed Sheeran - my goodness, this guy was so famous that almost every playlist came to him at some point - and suppressed my guilty conscience. I knew I was treating Reese unfairly. It wasn''t his fault and it wasn''t mine. Not entirely. All in all, my pride had taken a big dent. And I also knew how childish it was and I shouldn''t throw away my relationship because of it.

    But still, the whole situation had revealed something that I thought would have come to light eventually anyway. It wouldn''t have worked if Reese needed more than the relationship and I apparently wasn''t everything, couldn''t give him everything. Of course, my method hadn''t been fair, I really could have handled the whole thing differently, I knew that. And as soon as my ego had recovered and my feelings had calmed down, I would apologize to him too. I was aware of all that. And yet - in the end, he would be better off looking for something that suited him better. At least that''s what I believed.

    ¡°Well darling, how was it?¡± my mother greeted me after Ariana had dropped me off outside the house with a kiss on the cheek with the words ¡°See you later? I''m looking forward to it.¡±

    We''d played two more rounds of cards earlier at the swimming pool and then, as the sun began to fade and turn from yellow to orange, we''d set off. By now it was dark and I stood in front of my mother''s outstretched arms, my hair tousled but dry. I gave her a quick hug.

    ¡°Very nice, we played cards and everything. It was really great. Do I have time to take a shower?¡± She nodded.

    ¡°Ravi will be here soon, he had to work today.¡±

    ¡°Oh, what''s he working on a Saturday?¡± I slipped off my sandals.

    ¡°He can tell you that in a minute. Then you''ll have something to talk about.¡± She grinned.

    I went into the bathroom, turned the shower on hot and slipped out of my clothes. Although we''d already spent the whole day in the heat and water, it felt good to wash the day away - the sweat, the heat, the swimming pool.

    Refreshed, I dried myself off with a big fluffy towel, quickly slipped into my room and got dressed. I opted for a comfortable pair of light-colored linen pants, a white T-shirt and a gold hair clip that would keep my annoying hair out of my face.

    When I was almost ready, I heard voices from downstairs, my mother laughing and another darker voice I didn''t recognize yet. It had to be Ravi.

    I tried not to eavesdrop but concentrated on neatly applying my lip balm, which stained my lips slightly red. When I had finished, I sprayed myself with deodorant and then closed the door behind me.

    The voices were clearer now and I walked towards the stairs with a slightly faster heartbeat.

    Of course I was a little excited, but why shouldn''t I be?

    After all, it was a man who was apparently important to my mother, so I automatically wanted us to get on well, simply out of principle. But I couldn''t let go of my natural skepticism.

    ¡°Oh stop it, you know your lasagna tastes much better than mine,¡± she said in an unfamiliar low voice and I heard a sound that could only be a kiss on skin - I really hoped it was just my mother''s cheek.

    I heard her giggle and then slowly turned the corner.

    They didn''t see me yet, so I was able to let my eyes wander over the scenery for a moment. It looked beautiful, even though I had just jumped in the shower, my mother had quickly managed to set the table with our beautiful tablecloth, with the beautiful white plates with colorful edges and the beautiful heavy and good cutlery.

    I could see that from a distance, because normally we only used our cheap stuff from Ikea. So I knew that this seemed to be really important to my mother.

    There were wine glasses on the table, reflecting the light from the several candles that were already burning on the table. The big lights were switched off and my mother had only chosen softer light sources in the corners and by the fireplace.

    Overall, the atmosphere was very relaxed, and the soft music from the speakers in the corner by the TV only reinforced this impression. My mother was very good at using external factors to influence people''s moods.

    My mother and the man whose back was turned to me were kissing as I walked further into the kitchen.

    If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

    I thought they would hear me, but when they continued after a few seconds, I cleared my throat sheepishly.

    ¡°Hello,¡± I said, half shy, half embarrassed.

    The two of them, although adults, scattered like two teenagers caught in the act and turned to face me. My mother''s face reddened and her eyes glittered.

    The man, the tall, broad-shouldered man who now stood in front of me, stroked his dark hair sheepishly and held out his hand to me. His smile was restrained, but it seemed sincere.

    ¡°Hello, I''m Ravi. You must be Bonnie, I''ve heard a lot about you.¡±

    I looked at his hand for a moment, but then took it and shook it lightly. I made sure to shake his hand firmly, not out of any rebellious motives, but for some reason I wanted to show him that we were equals.

    Even if that sounded ridiculous.

    ¡°I''ve heard of you too,¡± I said, looking at him, curious but cautious.

    He was still smiling and cleared his throat, still embarrassed.

    ¡°We were just, well, we... we were just eating.¡±

    He looked helpfully at my mother, who seemed to find it all very amusing. I had to grin slightly.

    ¡°I already know what making out is. I''m 22, so I should already be familiar with it.¡±

    He blushed and I looked him up and down shamelessly.

    He was undoubtedly a very attractive man, handsome. He seemed to be in his early 40s, like my mother. His dark hair and dark eyes went well with his olive-colored skin. He was tall and, as far as I could tell, athletically built.

    As I looked at him, he took my mother''s hand, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then reached for the salad bowl to bring the lamb''s lettuce to the table.

    ¡°The lasagna will be ready soon, you can sit down,¡± my mother said, stroking my cheek and then walked to the table humming along to the music, pouring us some wine and smiling slightly.

    I strolled slowly to the table with the full bread basket, which was probably also meant for dinner, sat down and supported my child on my clasped hands.

    I didn''t take my eyes off Ravi for a second. It wasn''t quite fair of me to deliberately make him nervous, but I wanted to test him a little. But he seemed to be holding his own, trying to ignore my glances and smiling at me from time to time.

    ¡°Ravi, that''s an interesting name. Where did it come from?¡± I asked and saw his relief that I had broken the silence.

    He sat down - not opposite me, but at an angle so that he left space between us.

    ¡°I came to Germany from Pakistan with my parents when I was about six years old. Hence the exotic name.¡±

    I nodded and then held up my glass, whereupon he and my mother - who was still standing and waiting for the lasagna - raised their glasses and clinked glasses with me. Then I sipped the wine - my favorite, a semi-dry Spanish red - and looked at him again.

    ¡°And your parents live around here too.¡± He nodded, clasping his hands together.

    ¡°They worked for a long time, they''ve retired now, but I still see them often.¡±

    ¡°And what do you do for a living?¡± I then asked, sipping my wine again.

    ¡°My goodness, darling, that sounds like an interrogation,¡± my mother said, laughing slightly embarrassed and then went into the kitchen to get the lasagna, which seemed to be ready.

    In any case, the alarm clock hadn''t rung.

    ¡°It''s okay,¡± Ravi said kindly and looked at me again.

    It was somehow fascinating to look at him. I didn''t mean it in any weird way, but something about him seemed to catch me, like he had some kind of aura that caught my attention.

    ¡°I''m with the police, not a big one, not that much happens around here thankfully.¡±

    I let my eyes light up. ¡°So you carry a gun too?¡±

    He grinned and nodded. ¡°Yes, I do. But it never gets used, thankfully.¡±

    I nodded slowly, pursed my lips and let it go for now.

    We cut the lasagna and my mother put a big piece on each of our plates and we started eating. It was delicious and I let my mother know with a distinct ¡°Mmmmh¡± and eyes rolling with pleasure. She smiled.

    ¡°I''m glad you like it. And I''m very glad that you two,¡± she looked at me first, then put her hand on Ravi''s, which was already on the table, ¡±are now getting to know each other. I was a bit nervous, I have to be honest.¡±

    I refrained from commenting that it wasn''t the first time I''d met her boyfriend. My mother was making a real effort and I didn''t want to ruin it with my passive aggressive remarks.

    ¡°Me too,¡± Ravi then said and smiled at her.

    Then he turned to me. ¡°Your mother told me you''re studying? Something to do with health or something?¡±

    I nodded and shoveled a forkful of food into my mouth. That was a bit rash, because now I had to tell him to wait a moment before I could answer, still with my mouth half full.

    ¡°I''m studying health sciences. University starts again the day after tomorrow.¡±

    ¡°Are you prepared?¡± my mother asked, giving me a knowing look.

    I didn''t know whether she meant university or my now ex-boyfriend, but she didn''t say anything else. I nodded.

    ¡°I''ll be fine. I''m looking forward to seeing the others again.¡±

    ¡°Do you know what you want to do afterwards?¡± Ravi asked and then added apologetically, ¡°Sorry, standard question. But I''m really interested.¡±

    He looked at me strangely insistently. Not unpleasant, but he seemed more interested than you would expect for a first meeting or a question like that.

    I shrugged my shoulders. ¡°Well, I think I''d like to do something with education, educating or informing people about health. In what way I don''t know yet.¡±

    He asked a few more questions about my friends at university, my courses and my ideas for the future. I answered them all patiently and then it was my turn to ask him questions again. My mother made a comment now and then, but mostly seemed happy that we were talking and asking each other questions.

    I learned about Ravi that he had another brother who also worked nearby as a teacher in a school.

    He liked similar things to my mother - board games, ballroom dancing, old movies and songs, good wine and warm countries for vacations.

    ¡°There is sometimes snow in warm countries as well. For example, you can ski in Australia too,¡± I pointed out.

    ¡°It depends on the time of year, of course I wouldn''t go on a summer vacation in winter,¡± he replied and we continued talking.

    Overall, Ravi made a good first impression, he seemed to be good and affectionate with my mother, which he tried to hide from me, but I was very attentive. He made a real effort and I had to give him credit for seeming genuinely interested in me and who I was.

    I didn''t get the feeling that he was just asking me questions about his steady girlfriend''s daughter, but that he really wanted to get to know me. And the fact that I felt so comfortable surprised me.

    I had actually intended to approach him cautiously and skeptically at first. But there was something that made me change my mind. Like a feeling, a hunch. I had a slightly subliminal feeling of familiarity, but I couldn''t put my finger on it. After all, I didn''t even know him. So it was strange, but I put it aside for now.

    When we had been sitting together for two hours, the bottle of wine was almost empty and we had almost finished dessert, I got up.

    They informed me that Ravi would be staying and I offered to help, but was relieved when they declined.

    Then I went to my room, quickly packed a few things and said goodbye to them downstairs.

    ¡°It was a pleasure to meet you, Bonnie,¡± Ravi said, shaking my hand for the second time.

    Now I knew him a fraction better than before and he knew me. It would take a few more meetings before we were probably one hundred percent warm with each other, at a level where it wouldn''t be weird to be alone in a room talking. But for starters, even I had to say it was going really well.

    What a day today.

 Chapter 5

    I really enjoyed the short walk to Ariana''s. She only lived a few streets away, which was good for me because I hadn''t had two glasses of wine and couldn''t drive anyway. What car could I drive?

    My God, I really needed to cut down on my alcohol consumption. I was about to drink at Ariana''s for the fourth time in two days. That wasn''t healthy.

    I blew the air out of my lungs loudly.

    Never mind, I could be healthier with my body again when university started. Then I couldn''t drink during the week anyway. Lectures simply started too early for that.

    The evening was fresh, but pleasant. I was only wearing a T-shirt and had slight goose bumps, I enjoyed it.

    I closed my eyes and let my feet find the familiar path to Ariana. But that went wrong and I stumbled. I was still cursing when I reached her door.

    ¡°What have you done now?¡± Ariana asked me, putting her left hand on her hip and giving me a half-amused, half-reproachful look as she watched me limp along the small cobbled path to her front door.

    I just shook my head, rolling my eyes, and walked past her into the house with a quick hug.

    ¡°I was a bit stupid.¡±

    Ariana laughed behind me.

    Valeria wasn''t there yet. I dropped my things on the floor in a corner. Just then, a large, light-colored something ran up to me, jumped on me and licked my hands, wagging its tail.

    I laughed and knelt down. ¡°Hey beautiful, hi Bella,¡± I greeted the cute border collie with the light brown and white fur, whose head immediately pressed against my side, panting and asking for more cuddles. I really liked her, I didn''t have any pets myself, so I always played with her a lot when I visited Ariana. She always made fun of the fact that I only liked her dog because our names had almost the same meaning in different languages. My Bonnie and my Bella, she always said and hugged us one after the other.

    I rested my temple on Valeria''s knee. On the TV, a woman with tears in her eyes was looking at the forbiddenly handsome guy and confessing her love for him.

    ¡°But she already knows he''s going to reject her. Why do that to yourself?¡± asked Valeria, looking skeptically at the screen as she stroked my hair, lost in thought.

    ¡°She doesn''t know how else to help herself. Besides, I have to say that I think it''s brave of her to confess her feelings to him anyway. Don''t you?¡± Ariana said, taking a bite of the fiery red rubber snake that was waving back and forth in her hand.

    I only made half an approving sound and one dismissive one, watching the characters on the TV without really looking and enjoying the touch of Valeria''s fingers in my hair as they moved slowly.

    It had been a really nice evening, listening to music, talking, already on our third RomKom and eating tons of unhealthy, spicy tortilla chips and the best cheese dip to poisonous looking gummy snakes and pico ballas. I was already feeling a bit sick and took a short break from eating.

    We had sworn off alcohol for the evening to take it a little easier. We saved the Lillet that Ariana had bought for the next time.

    Oh my, we already sounded like a couple of alcoholics, but hey, we were students. What were we supposed to do?

    I nodded off from the soporific murmurings on the TV, Valeria''s touches and the cozy warm pajamas Ariana had lent me. It was actually just a big frog onesie, but it was so warm and cozy.

    **My head was empty, so endlessly empty.

    I only realized that something was different when I became weightless again.

    I couldn''t remember where I had been a moment ago.

    My body no longer belonged to me, it no longer obeyed me, but I didn''t even try. I was floating again. So light, without direction, without an idea.

    I remembered that I''d had this feeling before, but at the time I couldn''t remember when I''d felt it.

    My body was once again a mass that couldn''t be described in words. It was as if it was there, but also not there. I was one with him, but then again I wasn''t.

    The surroundings seemed strangely familiar.

    I opened my eyes, my eyes that weren''t eyes. But I saw the emptiness in front of me again.

    Wait, again?

    Yes, I had experienced this before. I couldn''t make up this feeling of familiarity. It wasn''t just d¨¦j¨¤ vu. It was a memory.

    I was gliding along, through time and space, as they say. I had no sight and no being.

    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

    And then, after what felt like an eternity, the emptiness cleared. I opened my eyes, which I hadn''t even realized I had closed, and looked around me.

    It was beautiful. The colors, green upon green, all the colors and shades you could imagine. I couldn''t get enough of it.

    Light green, medium lush green, dark green. Where did these colors come from? Where did I know them from?

    I saw trees, grass and all the colors on the bushes.

    I turned slowly.

    Now I also realized that I seemed to be in a forest. The bright light refracted through the moving leaves on the branches of the trees.

    And I realized something else. I felt myself again. I realized that I was no longer an indescribable me. I was more than that. My body was back.

    I brushed my fingers against my cheek and felt that my skin was slightly cold, even though it seemed to be a warm day.

    The sun was playing madly through the leaves like a natural strobe. I squinted against the light and then took a step. I felt the softness of the forest floor.

    When I looked down, I saw that my feet were bare. The moss brushed through my toes. Where were my shoes?

    I walked for a while, not realizing how long it was. It was so peaceful and no one bothered me. Was there anyone here at all? I walked on and on, felt the wind on my skin, the softness under my feet and felt as if the forest was singing songs to me with its sounds, which had no notes and no words, but still played their very own song. After walking for what felt like an eternity, I suddenly heard something from far away.

    Was it a humming or a singing? It was a kind of roaring, but it didn''t fit in at all with the songs that the forest had been playing to me before, but which had now fallen silent under this new disturbing noise. The humming, the roaring became louder and more present and I knew how to classify it. A car? What was the car doing here?

    When the humming became almost unbearably loud, I pressed my hands over my ears and looked to my right.

    I hadn''t even noticed that I seemed to have been walking parallel to a road for a while. I looked at the spot where the green of the forest faded into the gray and solid of the road. No, not transitioned, it was an abrupt end. Simply packed away, regardless.

    Then I saw it.

    The car that seemed so much louder than I remembered, how loud cars could be. It was light blue, no rather cyan blue? It was a bigger car. It looked like a family car.

    I was briefly impressed at how I could see it so quickly, as it drove past me very fast. I went to the road and looked after the car. It was going very fast and was soon barely more than a thumb''s size in the distance.

    I squinted against the sun, which was now glaring directly into my face from the treetops, and was about to turn around when I heard a loud bang.

    It was deafening, even from this distance.

    I instinctively ducked down until I quickly realized that it wasn''t about me at all. I shielded my face from the sun with my hand, so I could see into the distance, and that''s when I saw it.

    It was the glint of the car. Even from this distance, I could see that it was no longer moving.

    I heard something else. A voice? A loud scream, a heart-rending scream. It was a woman''s voice, a wailing woman''s voice.

    After I had briefly composed myself, I started running. I ran, disregarding my still bare feet, which were now being mercilessly battered by the rough asphalt. But I didn''t pay any attention, clenched my fists and tried to run even faster than I already did.

    The air in my lungs stung, even though it wasn''t cold. But I kept running. Meanwhile, I tried to figure out what to do in such a situation. Did I even have a cell phone? I hadn''t checked and didn''t want to do it at that moment because it would slow me down. How else would I call the ambulance?

    I ran and ran, making sure to breathe regularly as I was prone to side stitches and it would disable me. How did I know all this?

    I had just been running mindlessly through a forest without rhyme or reason and now I was running towards this car, which was still way too far, with a goal in mind.

    I shook my head at my own stupidity and tried to keep up the pace and after what seemed like half a lifetime, I got closer. I saw from a distance that a person was kneeling on the ground with his hands on something and I heard the voice. It was definitely a woman''s voice, complaining and shouting something incomprehensible.

    I wanted to shout to her to call for help if someone was hurt. But my voice didn''t come and she didn''t seem to notice me.

    At some point the time had come. I arrived, I saw her blonde wavy hair, I saw that she was kneeling on the floor in front of something. I saw the car with the front completely dented and I saw the blood. So much blood. It was like a red mat that slowly but surely spread across the dark gray of the street, like a snake engulfing everything in it. The blood had almost reached my toes. My toes, which looked so white, almost pale, against the dark blood.

    And I felt a strong stabbing sensation in my head, it was as if someone had hit my temple, but without the dull thud.

    Only the pain that took away my vision, made everything around me dark and almost immediately knocked me off my feet.

    I wanted to scream ¡°No¡± loudly, but my voice got stuck in my throat and all I could do was gasp, then everything around me became a devouring nothingness again **

    and I jumped up with a loud gasp.

    ¡°No!¡± I gasped, grabbing the closest thing I could grab.

    It was Valeria''s arm. She visibly flinched and then yelped, ¡°Ouch, that hurts, Bon."

    She pulled her arm away from me but then looked at me worriedly. "Is everything okay with you? You¡¯re really sweating,¡± she briefly put her hand on my forehead and narrowed her eyes.

    I gasped for air and looked around. The TV was still on, but something else was playing now. I didn''t recognize the program.

    Ariana was nowhere to be seen.

    ¡°Where is Ari?¡± I asked disoriented and pushed myself up from Valeria¡¯s lap.

    She was still rubbing the spot on her arm where I had pinched her.

    ¡°She¡¯s already gone to bed. I would be too, but I couldn''t sleep and didn''t want to wake you up."

    Valeria stood up slowly, shaking her ankles as if she had been sitting in one position for half the day.

    ¡°What time is it?¡± I asked confused and pushed my sweaty hair back from my forehead.

    ¡°Around 4:30 or so? I don¡¯t know, I didn¡¯t pay attention.¡±

    She didn''t seem to notice how restless I was because she just picked up the bowl, which had barely any popcorn left in it, stuffed a handful into her mouth, and then padded toward Ariana''s kitchen.

    I looked at the watch buzzing on my wrist. It lit up brightly and showed the time. It was exactly 4 a.m.

    My whole body hurt but I still stood up. As I went to wipe my nose, I noticed how wet my cheeks were. Had I cried? It was the second time in 24 hours. I blinked back the tears that now realized were still in my eyes, and then sniffled a few times.

    I could still remember the dream very clearly. But I didn''t want it. I didn''t have nightmares that often, which was strange. I rubbed my face again with the back of my hand, then went to the terrace, opened the door and took a deep breath of fresh air.

 Chapter 6

    ¡°Maybe you''re pregnant?¡± Valeria said with a grin and looked at me with raised eyebrows.

    ¡°Oh dear,¡± I said sarcastically. ¡°I had my period after I broke up with Reese. That doesn¡¯t make any mathematical sense.¡±

    She just shrugged her shoulders. ¡°There are the craziest things. And I once heard that you can have nightmares when you¡¯re pregnant too.¡±

    Ariana clicked her tongue disapprovingly, took the Nutella from Valeria''s hand and smeared a generous portion on her toast.

    ¡°Or even when you¡¯re just stressed. Don¡¯t be so dramatic.¡±

    Then she put the glass aside and bit into her toast with relish. The Nutella stuck to her lips and her teeth as she chewed with her mouth open, grinning because she knew we didn''t like it.

    I just rolled my eyes and took a long sip of coffee. ¡°I am neither pregnant nor stressed. I just need coffee and new friends.¡±

    Ariana laughed. ¡°Clearly stressed.¡±

    We had a leisurely breakfast together and then I headed home.

    University would start again tomorrow and I wasn''t ready. Neither physically nor emotionally.

    Luckily the sky was overcast today and therefore no strenuous sun. I ran home, which didn''t take too long, and by the time I unlocked the door I could already hear that Ravi clearly hadn''t gone home yesterday. Because it wasn''t just my mother''s voice that laughed loudly, but also a male one.

    ¡°You¡¯re really dirty,¡± I heard the male voice.

    At that my eyes widened and I wished I hadn''t heard it.

    ¡°If your daughter knew what you were thinking...¡± he said, turned around the corner to the kitchen, which could be seen from the front door, and spotted me.

    He fell silent and looked at me with wide eyes. Big clearly caught eyes.

    ¡°Um, Hi. We thought you¡¯d be late?¡±

    I frowned. ¡°Is that a question or a statement?¡±

    He thought about it.

    ¡°We?¡± I asked, looking at him with clear disapproval.

    I was not ready to accept after such a short time that my mother should now belong to a different ¡°we¡±. A ¡°we¡± of which I didn¡¯t yet know both parties well enough.

    He scratched his head, clearly overwhelmed by the situation. I let him cook for a moment, then relieved him by throwing my hands in the air and saying, ¡°I have to prepare for tomorrow. I¡¯ll go upstairs.¡± He clearly looked relieved.

    I had been watching Netflix all day when it was already getting darker outside and the day was slowly but surely coming to an end. My last day of freedom. My last day before university. Why did summer go by so quickly?

    It was really cool to spend so much time with my friends. But then there was something else that was important - education.

    Was it overrated? No plan, but my mother had insisted on it, my father had insisted on it and I had insisted on it. I would rather go to school for three more years than work already.

    I sighed, quickly pressed the cross that ended the Netflix episode before the next one could automatically load and tempt me to binge watch, and put the phone down next to me.

    Was I the only one who was always lounging around in bed, even when it was daytime outside? I hoped not, because then I would feel really lazy. Or sad. Depends on the way you look at it.

    I stretched, cracked the vertebrae in my back a little, and then sighed deeply. It couldn''t be put off any longer. I reached for my school bag next to the room door, opened it and found my roll-on deodorant inside that I had been looking for so often. Because it was the special one that made you sweat less. Anyway, that''s what it said on the label.

    Annoyed with myself and my forgetfulness, I put it on the bed, took out a few tissues and pens and then put the empty bag on my chair. I put my laptop, which was thankfully charged, in first. Then my water bottle, which I quickly filled up, my pencil case and a pad, my computer mouse and my student ID found their way into the bag.

    I took another look. ¡°Ahhh, that¡¯s fine,¡± I said, putting it carefully next to the door so that I wouldn¡¯t forget it tomorrow.

    Now I had the choice of Netflix - I''d rather not, as otherwise I would exhibit real addictive behavior, which my mother already nagged me for constantly - not least because I belonged to my current generation.

    The other choice would be to talk to my mother and Ravi. Definitely not. My social battery was low and I needed a little time to get used to the idea of the two of them probably being at home together more often. Not least because I didn''t like new people in my private space - and yes, that included my home.

    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.

    The only good thing was that I could finally live in the dormitory starting next week. Everything had been sorted out before the start of summer. Last year they ran out of space because I registered too late. Financially it was good because I just continued to live at home and took the bus - although it took a long time, it saved me a lot of money. But I hadn''t been able to take part in as many of the activities that others had always talked about.

    So this year I was ready. It was my last year for this course and I was ready to make the most of it. It would be great.

    As I finished packing my things, showering, mentally preparing for tomorrow and lying in bed, a strange feeling came over me.

    The last two nights had exhausted me so much that I was just tired even though I had just relaxed and watched Netflix all day today, at least since the morning after the late breakfast with the girls and my surprise return home.

    I no longer wanted to feel guilty if I spent a day just chilling. However, I was also still restless.

    What if I had dreams like the last two nights again? I didn''t want to go to college tomorrow with tired eyes and a headache.

    I knew what lack of sleep was doing to me, and I didn''t want to test that again on the first day back to college. So I made a spontaneous decision, sneaked into the bathroom and into the medicine cabinet that my mother mainly used and I sometimes used, and picked out the appropriate packet. It was white with some pink stripes on it. Diphenhydramine. That was it. I took a toothbrush cup, filled it with water and swallowed the little white tablet.

    Normally I hardly took any pills, at most a few supplements. I hardly ever took sleeping pills or painkillers. I was always a bit paranoid about what it was doing to my liver, even though rationally I knew it wasn''t that bad and millions of people took these pills over and over again without much difficulty. But it helped when I was lying in bed and my eyelids became heavy. And that was enough for me.

    I woke up the next day after a night I couldn''t remember. My head had remained empty and dark and I was extremely happy that I had a reasonably good night''s sleep.

    "You look pretty. Are you ready?¡± my mother greeted me and held out a large cup of coffee with oat milk.

    Oh my, she knew me so well.

    I nodded slightly and took a few sips before I could answer. Let''s be honest, before I was approachable.

    She smiled and stroked my cheek. ¡°You¡¯re going to rock this.¡±

    I rolled my eyes slightly but smiled.

    ¡°Mum, it¡¯s just Uni, not an interview.¡±

    She shrugged and pushed a can towards me.

    ¡°I know you''re an adult, but I prepared a snack for you. I don¡¯t have that many opportunities left before you move out next week.¡±

    She pouted slightly. I hugged her. ¡°Thanks, Mom. And don¡¯t worry, you have someone now,¡± I said, grinning and wiggling my eyebrows.

    Then I took my things and went to the front door.

    ¡°Besides, you never know whether you¡¯ll spontaneously meet your future boss at university. That¡¯s why you should rock it.¡±

    I waved to her and walked out of the house without another answer.

    I thought of a few stories that I sometimes read on the Internet about a callow main character who fell for the boss at her new job, who was a bad boy and wicked and yet hot and irresistible. Oh my, totally Fifty Shades of Grey. I am not gonna lie, Christian Gray was hot. Not my type, but still very hot.

    This was the fourth time I had seen Ariana in just a few days and I was always happy to see her bright hair swinging and her grin wide open.

    ¡°Are you prepared?¡± I ran my hands through my hair.

    ¡°Why does everyone ask me that? It''s not like I''m going into battle. I''m learning some new things. That''s all."

    She giggled and drove off. ¡°Well, figuratively speaking, we¡¯re all going into battle. The battle called a career.¡±

    We arrived at campus when it was still fairly empty. The parking lot, the hallways, the hallway in front of the lecture room where I had my first lecture.

    ¡°Where are they all?¡± I asked, looking around confused.

    ¡°We¡¯re just damn early, darling. We''re over-punctual. Today is the first day after summer. It is predetermined that one will be late.¡±

    And she was right. Shortly before the lecture began, the hallways gradually filled up and none of the people, some familiar faces and many unknown ones, looked even remotely motivated. But the joyful and excited voices were still present. The people who were happy to see their friends and fellow students again.

    ¡°Who is the hottie?¡± Ariana poked me in the side and nodded her head in the hallway behind me.

    ¡°If I''m not mistaken, he is coming right in our direction. Oh my God,¡± she grabbed my arm and squeezed painfully.

    ¡°I think this is your new professor. You¡¯re really lucky,¡± she grimaced in envy and I fought not to turn around.

    That just could not be the case. Please not my own Fifty Shades of Gray ¨C University Version.

    ¡°Don¡¯t you have to go to your own lecture,¡± I asked her and looked at her questioningly.

    She sighed, then let go of me and blew me a kiss as she left. ¡°Don¡¯t be a spoilsport.¡±

    Then she left and I went to the lecture room.

    I knew the small hall from last year. Our university was large, but certain courses always used the same rooms. And even though it was a new course and we chose it voluntarily, I recognized many faces from last year.

    I said Hi to a few and smiled at them, but was relieved when I saw Cece in one of the back rows. She waved at me and patted the seat next to her. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ve reserved one for you.¡±

    I hugged her. ¡°How was your summer, did you do anything great?¡±

    She unpacked her books and placed them carefully in front of her on the small table that bordered the front row of seats.

    ¡°My parents dragged me to Spain. I actually wanted to hang out with my friends, but they made it so important because it''s the last family summer. I¡¯m going away for a while next year.¡±

    I shrugged and put my laptop on the table in front of me as well. ¡°But Spain is cool, isn¡¯t it?¡±

    She made a scrunched face. ¡°Yes, but not when you have to camp with your parents in a cramped tent and at night you not only hear the circuses, but also your parents doing certain adult things.¡±

    I grimaced and laughed painfully when she added, "I mean sex," as if I didn''t get it.

    She grinned and lightly pinched my shoulder.

    ¡°But I bet you enjoyed the summer. What have you been up to? Did you go for vacay?"

    I turned on my laptop and silenced it when the registration tone sounded.

    ¡°Yes, my dad went to the sea with his new girlfriend and I for two weeks. That was really cool. And I did a lot with the girls. And,¡± I looked at her almost apologetically, ¡°I broke up with Reese. Sorry I didn¡¯t tell you sooner.¡±

    Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth as if to protest, but in that moment our professor started talking and I added in a whisper, ¡°I¡¯ll tell you about it later.¡±

    She seemed only slightly satisfied, but nodded and also turned to the front.

 Chapter 7

    ¡°Oh wow,¡± Cece whispered next to me, forming a big O with her lips.

    I had to grin. She was absolutely right.

    The new professor, who turned out to be Mr. Hunter, was really damn good looking. He had dark, close-cropped hair, dark eyes and an angular face. He looked serious, but it looked damn good on him. He was writing something on the whiteboard and by comparing his height you could tell he was tall. Not oversized, but above average.

    ¡°Threatening and hot, just my taste,¡± Cece giggled next to me and I punched her in the shoulder.

    ¡°Forbidden love between student and professor. A scandal like no other,¡± I whispered to her and she stuck her tongue out at me, grinning.

    ¡°I will introduce you to Theoretical Philosophy today. Since it is a new course that is optionally added to your basic studies, you can forget everything for this course that you have learned in the other courses. Because it won''t help you much."

    He walked slowly and smoothly around the teacher''s table. Like a big cat, it flashed through my head.

    ¡°I want to see common sense from you. Logical causality and human action in harmony with philosophy. Do you think you can manage that?¡±, he looked questioningly across the room.

    Nobody answered.

    He nodded as if he wasn''t expecting an answer, tapped his chin, and then went back to the whiteboard. He connected his laptop to the large screen via a cable and then flashed a familiar face on the screen.

    ¡°Immanuel Kant,¡± Cece whispered next to me.

    I looked at the picture of the fair-faced man with small eyes and a large forehead. I always found such old painting portraits strange, they seemed so distorted. As if they weren''t people but different, deformed figures. Only in a subtle way and yet it was there.

    ¡°What are his teachings?¡±

    My head shut down and I only listened with half an ear.

    Summer had somehow passed so quickly that I could hardly believe it. But it had been really nice. And now I was sitting here, in the room where I had sat many times before, with faces, many of which I recognized and only a few of which were new. It was now the last year that had begun and I had given little thought to my future.

    With Reese, I somehow automatically assumed that we would move in together, in some city where we could both work or continue studying. He studied architecture, so it wouldn''t be that hard to find something for both of us. That''s what I was hoping...

    Now that he was basically out of the picture, I hadn''t thought about what I actually wanted. Maybe it was a little early to start thinking about it, but I only had two semesters between me and the big decision ahead of me. Or decisions, plural?

    Cece nudged me and nodded at the professor who was talking about a passage from a philosophy excerpt.

    ¡°Isn¡¯t he cool? I really like his voice!¡± she gushed lightly and grinned forward.

    I rolled my eyes, but also had to grin.

    ¡°You really are incorrigible. I just wasn''t listening to your darling. But tell me, didn''t you have time for boys in the summer or something? You seem to be really starving,¡± I laughed softly.

    She just put on an innocent look and then scribbled on her pad.

    I looked at my laptop and tried to do something useful, but in the end I just checked my emails - nothing, checked my WhatsApp messages - nothing, and checked my bank account - very little. I sighed and just as I was about to look ahead in resignation and give the lesson one last chance, the bell rang loudly, signaling the end of the block.

    That was one of the things that was annoying me here. I always thought school bells were a thing of the past once you finished school, but this was different. Luckily it wasn''t as loud or obstrusive, but still annoying.

    The handsome professor said something else, but most of the students were already up and almost fleeing out of the room.

    Cece and I were packing up our things when I heard his voice closer to us than expected. I looked up and he was standing a few seats in front of us. He looked directly at me. Oh god, I didn''t even remember his name. Had he said something? I was really screwed today.

    ¡°I am pleased that you are having such a good start to the academic year. Are you doing fine? I didn¡¯t get the impression that Kant particularly captivated you today.¡±

    I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I mumbled, adding ¡°Mr. Hunter¡± when I spotted his name on the whiteboard behind him.

    He seemed serious and almost strict, but not angry. ¡°I don¡¯t want to tell you anything because studying is ultimately voluntary. However, I would like to recommend that you pay more attention in the next lesson if possible, because I do not set any easy exam questions.¡±

    He nodded to both of us and then disappeared out the door. I looked after him, slightly intimidated.

    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

    Great, that started off well for the first day.

    ¡°Oh my, he was talking to you. YOU little superstar,¡± Cece teased me as we walked out the door together.

    I didn''t answer and we headed towards the big common hall.

    My next course was Methodology and I wanted to grab a chocolate bar from the kiosk to eat.

    ¡°What are you doing next?¡± I asked her.

    She ignored my question. ¡°Anyway, tell me what you wanted to tell me earlier.¡±

    I was distracted by the display in the small kiosk at the edge of the room where we were standing and asked: ¡°What did I want to tell?¡±

    ¡°Well, with you and Reese,¡± she said way too loudly to me. Then she added: ¡°Oops, there he is!¡±

    I suddenly turned around and there he was. At the other end of the room. Reese!

    Luckily he hadn''t spotted me yet.

    He was leaning against a pillar with his friend Konrad and was laughing at something Konrad had said. I could hardly tear myself away, not because I was fascinated, but because I was petrified. We hadn''t seen each other since the birthday and I didn''t know how to react.

    My body reacted first. I turned around, turned on my heel and went back the wrong way.

    "Where are you going?" Cece asked, catching up to me.

    "I don''t want to talk to him right now."

    She tried to keep up with me, but it seemed to be difficult as she gasped.

    ¡°What happened?¡± she asked, holding my arm. Come on, you can finally tell me. He won''t have killed your dog, will he?" she joked humorlessly.

    I broke away. "I don''t have a dog."

    She just rolled her eyes and was about to open her mouth to add something else when I heard a far too familiar voice behind her.

    "Bonnie?" I recognized it, I would always remember it I thought.

    I slowly turned around and then looked into the dark brown eyes of my former boyfriend. Reese.

    ¡°Hey,¡± he said with a half-smile that seemed to be slipping.

    I just looked at him.

    I knew that I wasn''t acting like an adult and that I didn''t really deserve anything. But somehow it felt good not to have to lie to yourself for once. How many times had I stood next to him, with tears in my eyes, trying to get him to talk. Too many times. And he would never really let me get to the point where we could solve our arguments and problems in a mature way.

    Now he was standing in front of me and neither of us could really find the right words.

    After things started to get uncomfortable, Cece cleared her throat and then said to me, ¡°I¡¯ll get going, okay? See you at lunch break?¡±

    I nodded absently and she disappeared.

    I hadn''t paid attention before, but I couldn''t see Konrad anywhere. Had he already run away before?

    Now Reese and I were standing there. ¡°How are you?¡± he asked after what seemed like an eternity, making a sharp tap with his foot.

    I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, briefly considering not answering and just turning around and leaving, but then I remembered that this year was supposed to be a great year after all. And with that I should set a good example for myself.

    I smiled slightly, it felt forced but it was better than nothing. And I just couldn''t come up with more than that. I found that for a timeframe of about three weeks after the breakup it wasn''t all that bad.

    I saw him slightly smiling back. "Good, I''m fine," I said. ¡°And you?¡±

    He nodded slightly, as if that confirmed that he agreed with me.

    ¡°Did you have a nice last few days?¡± he asked.

    I felt uncomfortable, it was a strange and forced way that I didn''t know between us.

    Even when we argued, it was annoyingly sad and we were angry, but never strange. Awkward.

    I continued to chew my lip.

    After a while he said: ¡°Okay, I have to go again. But it was nice to see you around.¡±

    I nodded and barely stopped myself from looking after him as he walked away.

    After standing there for about ten seconds, I thought about it and quickly set off for the next course. I would probably have to adjust to that. After all, we were in the same building complex. My and his studies weren''t far away in terms of location.

    The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. I saw some familiar people again, talked to fellow students during the breaks and had agreed to meet Cece for lunch.

    Ariana and Val were both on the other side of campus and since the breaks in between weren''t always that long, it was hardly worth it for us to meet up somewhere.

    ¡°Now finally tell me, what was going on was both good?¡± Cece asked me and chewed on a cheesestring.

    I was still fumbling around with mine. Normally a shame to waste such a tasteful cheesestring, but I was lost in thought.

    And then I told her the story. She looked at me with curious and then more and more widening eyes and seemed to completely forget the cheesestring in her hand.

    ¡°Ahh¡±, she said again and again, confirming that she was listening carefully.

    I sighed. The sun was nice and warm and even though it was now officially almost September, it was still very humid for late summer.

    I took a bite of my cheesestring with relish and looked around.

    Cece was still thinking about what I had said and in the meantime I was enjoying the peace and people-watching.

    The first day of college was always exciting and you could tell by the general mood. People were exuberant, laughing, listening to music, chatting, sipping blubbletea - which you could now also buy in the kiosk, or simply lying on the lawns outside the university building and enjoying the weather.

    I had almost forgotten my surroundings for a moment there. I was very prone to daydreaming. But that was okay, it was my personality and my friends could now handle it without being annoyed.

    But then Cece started speaking again.

    "Okay, so I don''t really know if I should take sides..."

    "Then don''t," I said and kept my eyes closed.

    ¡°There are no sides, we are not in primary school. I broke up with him, or we broke up with each other, and that''s fine. We wanted different things and that''s okay. I don''t know why everyone is making such a fuss about it."

    "Because you were just a great couple," she added almost melancholy.

    I looked at her annoyed. ¡°Yeah, but it annoys me when everyone always asks what''s going on in my life. I''ll tell my friends when the time is right. But I don''t have to peddle my thoughts and problems. Besides, this is between Reese and me.¡±

    She nodded slowly. "You are right. I think people just want to show and receive sympathy. Also, people like to see couples. At least most of them. Love is in the summer air.¡± She hummed the melody from Love is in the air.

    ¡°It rather feels like spring allergies."

    ¡°Oh, papperlapapp. That''s just mean.", she objected. "John Paul Young understood it.¡±

    Then suddenly she leaned her head on my shoulder.

    ¡°Okay, I won¡¯t say anything more about it. If you want to talk, I''m here."

    I put my head against hers to return her gesture, then put my hand on her arm and stood up. I pulled her with me.

    Cece was really tiny and only reached my shoulders. But her curls made up for it, which she usually wore open and which she really liked. It also suited her energetic personality. Sometimes I felt like, she was so energetic, I should get a shock when I touched her.

 Chapter 8

    We strolled around the grounds some more, chatting about the summer, the classes, the friends we''d seen.

    Cece told me that she was already planning on going abroad for a year after her third year.

    ¡°New Zealand,¡± she said solemnly.

    I frowned.

    New Zealand. New Zealand. Something was there. I couldn''t quite grasp it, but it was there. Something like a tickle in my head.

    A tickle that grew stronger and then uncomfortable and then to a throbbing and stabbing sensation.

    I closed my eyes, tried to block out the brightness and the light and thus block out the stinging. A shock came over me and I held my head.

    ¡°Are you okay?¡± Cece interrupted herself and I heard her sitting close to me.

    ¡°Do you have a headache, do you need anything?¡± she sounded worried.

    Even though my head felt like it was about to split open, I seemed to have a good handle on myself because Cece just put a hand on my back and gave a light, soothing pat.

    I gritted my teeth. ¡°Hospital room,¡± I simply said and she led me along the path back towards the university building.

    We had walked further than we thought. It took forever and my headache continued the whole way through.

    Why didn''t I bring my sunglasses with me today of all days?

    I continued to squint until we arrived in the cool building, where it was also darker. Cece accompanied me to the hospital room.

    When we arrived, a young man was busy on his computer playing solitaire. He was placing an ace of hearts on a king of clubs and the card hissed back to its starting point. He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

    I could just see that he was staring at his computer as we entered and then looked up.

    I looked around for a bed to lie down on and took the first one that came to the right of the door. Cece briefly stroked my shoulder and then talked to him - I have no idea what his position was. Nurse? Guidance counselor? Somehow it all didn''t quite fit. But it was a hospital room and I accepted it.

    After a short while Cece came back to me and held something to my lips. I gulped down the water. It was a balm to my dry throat and I closed my eyes again and leaned back.

    ¡°You can go, you have a lecture,¡± I said to her.

    She sighed. ¡°I can¡¯t leave you here alone.¡±

    I made a half-hearted dismissive gesture.

    ¡°Oh, I''m not alone,¡± I pointed in the direction I thought the young man was.

    She snorts. ¡°You¡¯ll be happy to be alone with him when you open your eyes later. He¡¯s so hot.¡±

    I sighed. ¡°Bro, you''re really superficial sometimes. Before the professor, now him. What will become of you?"

    She giggled, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then set off. "See you later. Call me on my cell phone if anything happens.¡±

    I nodded, put my arm over my eyes and enjoyed the peace that came over me.

    From outside I could hear the shuffling of students walking past individually or in groups, the babble of voices, laughter and shouts. Everything was toned down by the fortunately well-damped door.

    I was surprised at how violent the headaches had suddenly come over me. I''ve never had any problems with migraines or attacks of weakness - my first two best ideas. Even when thinking about what I did today, I could not explain it. I had drunk enough water and eaten enough.

    Maybe the Reese thing? Or the whole day today? After all, it had been pure stress.

    After a while, when it became quieter outside - since most of the students were in lectures - I heard another click, heard the guy taking a few steps and suddenly felt movement on my legs, then my hips and my stomach. A blanket was carefully placed over me.

    As the blanket was pulled up a little further, I quickly grabbed the person''s wrist and hissed, "Careful."

    He immediately dropped the cover on me and retreated hastily.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I thought you were sleeping,¡± said the voice.

    I snorted. ¡°That doesn¡¯t make it any better.¡±

    He cleared his throat again. "It was not meant like that. I just didn''t want you to be cold. ¡°

    His voice sounded strangely familiar to me, but I couldn''t quite figure out why. His footsteps moved away again.

    ¡°You can''t put the ace on the king, the ace comes first. It''s basically the number one. And depending on what kind of game it is, you have to alternate red and black. If you don¡¯t follow that, it won¡¯t work.¡±

    Short silence, then a quiet, melodic laugh. "You make me think you''re weak and sick and have been spying on my computer."

    I didn''t answer but had to smile slightly.

    I let my arm rest a little over my eyes and felt inside my body. The pain slowly faded, very slowly but surely. The throbbing was no longer as strong and after a while I opened my eyes.

    The ceiling above me was white and slightly stained. Was that from dirty air? After all, it wasn''t that easy to get stains on the ceiling.

    I looked at it for a while until I got tired of it and sat up as a test.

    My dizziness was now gone and I noticed that Cece had refilled the cup with water next to me and placed it there.

    I could smooch her.

    I downed it in one go and then looked around.

    I hadn''t been in the hospital room once in the last two years. It wasn''t huge, but it could fit three beds, all with pillows and blankets. Mobile curtains were set up to provide privacy. Mine hadn''t been closed, but there was no one else in the room either.

    All I could see was the dark back of the head of the nurse sitting at the other end of the room, typing something on the keyboard.

    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

    ¡°Sorry,¡± I said quietly and looked over at him.

    ¡°Yes,¡± he said without turning around. He continued typing and made no move to get up.

    I groaned, threw back the covers and stood up.

    ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you do your job and, I dunno, somehow get me some water or ask some questions or something? What do you do as a nurse?¡±

    He snorted and finally turned around. ¡°I''m not a nurse, I''m a working student¡­¡± And when our eyes met, he fell silent.

    We looked at each other for a moment.

    Then his lips curled into a grin and I raised my eyebrows.

    ¡°We know each other,¡± he then said, breaking the silence. I nodded slowly, he was right.

    His dark hair and those dark brown eyes looked familiar, but I couldn''t quite determine where from.

    ¡°Are you going to university here?¡± I asked.

    He shook his head and looked at me thoughtfully.

    I frowned. ¡°You said you were a working student here.¡± He didn¡¯t respond and continued to look at me.

    So I started to feel uncomfortable and crossed my arms. Then he snapped his fingers.

    ¡°That¡¯s why I know you! The swimming pool!¡± he grinned broadly.

    My eyes widened. "That was you! You pushed me into the water!¡±

    He raised his hands defensively. ¡°Hey, that wasn¡¯t intentional. But you stood there the same way, arms crossed and with the same amount of skepticism in your eyes.¡±

    Then he looked me up and down with an exaggeratedly suggestive smile. ¡°But you were wearing significantly less. And you were a little wetter.¡±

    He grinned even wider and I snorted. "Not so professional for a nurse."

    He stood up and looked at me mockingly angry.

    "As already mentioned, I''m not a nurse."

    I made a dismissive gesture. Then I looked around for my bag that Cece had left for me, grabbed it and went to the door.

    "I feel better. Thanks for the supervision and care.¡± I grinned at him, intentionally teasing him.

    Before he could say anything else, I closed the door behind me. My cheeks were still flushed and I shook my head. Very strange. I was usually very good at remembering faces. Especially since it had only been two days since we had seen each other.

    I said goodbye to Cece after the courses finished and met Ariana at the benches near the entrance area, surrounded by tall green bushes.

    She was sitting there, talking on the phone. She waved to me when she saw me and I sat down next to her.

    ¡°I love you too,¡± she said into the phone and hung up.

    ¡°Ahhh, you guys are so cute!¡± I said jokingly and grinned at her.

    She smiled, but then narrowed her eyes in concern. ¡°Cece told me you would be coming later because you weren¡¯t feeling well? I thought about picking you up, but Yuma called and now you were faster.¡±

    I shrugged. "It''s fine, I just had a headache."

    She seemed to only half believe me. She knew me too well and knew that I had a pretty high tolerance for being sick and rarely gave up, even with a bad cold or even the flu.

    To distract her, I said, ¡°Guess who the nurse was.¡±

    She shrugged her shoulders and said a few names of friends.

    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s taking too long,¡± I interrupted her and grabbed both of her shoulders.

    Then I looked directly at her and added: ¡°The boy from the swimming pool.¡±

    I let the words float in the air between us for a moment.

    She thought about it, but couldn''t think of it. "Swimming pool? What guys did we see there?¡±

    ¡°He pushed me into the water¡­¡±

    She jerked her head up, laughing. "The Ariel guy?" I nodded.

    "What is he doing here? The world really is a village.¡± She was still giggling.

    ¡°Was that awkward or something? Did he feed you pudding with a spoon?¡±

    I pushed her slightly so that she almost fell off the bench. ¡°Of course not."

    We talked for a while, then went to the parking lot and drove home together.

    I had to say, it wasn''t bad at all for the first day.

    __

    I thought about the day as I stood in the kitchen at home, stirred the sauce with a wooden spoon in the pan and looked out of the window.

    I was careful not to spill the red sauce on my white T-shirt, but unfortunately I had no luck.

    I was then mindlessly scrolling through my phone and put it away when I heard the key in the door.

    My mother came into the house with full bags in both arms.

    ¡°Well darling, how was your first day today?¡±

    She placed everything on the kitchen table with a groan and then went back to take off her shoes.

    I was already peeking into your bags and starting to empty them. ¡°Uhhhh, you brought the nice spring rolls,¡± I commented with a smile.

    She smiled and helped me put the things away.

    ¡°Don¡¯t think I didn¡¯t notice you changing the subject.¡±

    I pursed my lips. ¡°My day was pretty good so far. I''ve seen a lot of people again, especially Cece. And Reese,¡± I added.

    My mother looked at me in surprise.

    ¡°Well, I mean, it was clear that you guys would run into each other at some point. But on the first day? After all, the university isn¡¯t exactly tiny.¡±

    I shrugged my shoulders. ¡°Well, at some point it would have been the first time again.¡±

    When the pasta and sauce - I wasn''t exactly known for my outstanding cooking skills and had to resort to pasta - were ready, we sat together on the terrace, enjoyed the afternoon sun and talked about professors, courses, my mother''s work, and also Ravi.

    ¡°You¡¯re a really great daughter, you know that?¡± She sighed.

    Embarrassed, I sucked a piece of spaghetti into my mouth. ¡°Why are you getting melancholy?¡±

    ¡°Well, you¡¯re moving out of here next week. As a mother you become melancholic.¡±

    She looked at me sadly. ¡°I feel like it was just yesterday that I changed your diaper.¡±

    I nodded. ¡°Okay mom, this is going to be a little uncomfortable for me.¡±

    I got up, kissed her on the cheek and then carried both of our plates into the kitchen.

    The next few days were relatively uneventful. Ariana took me to university like every day, always with a different genre on the radio. First hip hop, then pop, then rock and then techno. It was like a musical emotional rollercoaster. But Ariana celebrated every single song, whether she knew it or not.

    I didn''t see Valeria much these days because she had different course times, but we texted each other and I told her about the encounter with Reese and the guy at the swimming pool, whose name I still didn''t know. She hung enthusiastically on my every word.

    She also pictured the handsome professor grinning. ¡°You¡¯re so lucky,¡± she gushed.

    I saw the hot professor twice more; I only had a few hours with him a week.

    Cece and I spent a lot of time together, as had done the first two years of study, due to many identical lectures and courses. Other fellow students also joined us more often, so we often sat in a group on the lawn and complained about the university or the heat that was still lingering, or laughed about gossip. Andr¨¦, a fellow student in my statistics course always acted as if the subject matter was the end of the world. But he was funny, nice and always shared his snacks, freshly made by his French mother.

    All in all, the days were very relaxed. I got back into university and the social life around it well.

    Friday came as quickly as the blink of an eye. I had spent most evenings with my mother so I could have some quality time with her before I moved out. However, this evening she wanted to go out with Ravi. She had asked me if I wanted to come with her, but I politely declined. I didn''t want to become the third wheel on the date.

    Ariana and I drove home from Uni as usual and made plans to meet Valeria and Selma at the drive-in movie that weekend.

    Even though Selma wasn''t "officially" part of the group yet and she was more of Ariana''s friend, I was happy to see her again.

    We said goodbye with a kiss on the cheek and Ariana drove away in her bright blue car.

    I spent the rest of the afternoon reading on the lounger on the terrace. I was immersed in Elisabeth Bennett''s remarks as she tried to explain to Mr. Darcy why she was outraged by his words about their class difference when I was interrupted from my thoughts by a ringing sound.

    I looked at my cell phone, which was next to me, but it remained dark. Then I realized it wasn''t my phone at all, but the doorbell.

    I got up and padded barefoot across the living room.

    When my mother asked from upstairs who it was, I shouted back that I didn''t know and would take care of it. Since our door didn''t have a camera or a window, I couldn''t really see who was standing there. Only the window in the living room revealed a pair of legs in short shorts.

    I frowned. Had Ravi come earlier now? But then her mother would have known about it.

    With the book still between my fingers, I opened the door with a swing and then looked surprised into Reese''s very familiar eyes.

    ¡°Um, hi,¡± he said, slightly embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck.

    ¡°Hi,¡± I said, looking at him questioningly and not really knowing what to say.

    Just like this morning at university, we stood in front of each other, embarrassed.

    ¡°What are you doing here?¡± I asked, leaning against the doorframe as if I wanted to make my relaxed state abundantly clear.

    ¡°I, um, just wanted to come over and say hello. How are you?"

    I suppressed a snort and just looked at him. ¡°It¡¯s a little uncomfortable, don¡¯t you think?¡±

    He nodded. ¡°Well, I didn¡¯t want to leave it like that at Uni today. We¡¯ll meet each other more often and stuff like that.¡±

    I saw him narrowing his eyes slightly.

    The sun was no longer there, but it was still warm.

    ¡°Would you like something to drink?¡± I asked him with a sigh and nodded my head behind me into the cool house.

    He hesitated for a moment, whether honestly or out of decency, I didn''t know, but then agreed. "Gladly."

 Chapter 9

    With two Cokes in hand, we sat back down outside, where I had just been lying and was busy with Mr. Darcy.

    Now I was sitting cross-legged and facing the garden so that I didn''t have to look at him at first.

    ¡°So, I, um, I¡¯m sorry about how this all turned out.¡±

    He tapped his glass lightly with his fingertips, showing he was nervous.

    ¡°I mean, the last two weeks have been very strange. Before, we had heard from each other every day and then suddenly there was this silence between us. That was very strange.¡±

    I thought about what to say. But first I wanted to see whether he would continue talking.

    ¡°I didn''t want it to turn out like this. We were a good team before, weren¡¯t we?¡± He looked at me.

    Then finally I looked at him in turn.

    ¡°I think we just don¡¯t work as a relationship.¡±

    I took a long sip. The coolness of the drink was good for keeping a clear head. I didn''t really know how to classify my heart''s reactions.

    On the one hand, there was still this familiarity between us that you could only really have with someone you had known for a very long time and on a very personal level.

    On the other side there was something like an invisible wall that I had crossed and which was now closed and built too high.

    "What do you mean by that? Everything was going well so far. To be honest, to this day I still don''t fully understand what actually happened. We had the agreement after all. And then you break up with me and I don¡¯t hear from you anymore.¡±

    I looked at him irritated. ¡°I explained everything to you that night. Weren¡¯t you listening to me?¡±

    He bit his lip.

    ¡°Yes, but I was also drunk and please understand, I was pretty overwhelmed by the news. I mean, it was pretty sudden. And things were going well before that.¡±

    I snorted loudly, got up and angrily put my drink on the small table next to the loungers.

    ¡°I don¡¯t think you have really reflected and thought about what went wrong, did you?¡±

    He raised his hands placatingly. ¡°That''s not true, I''ve already thought a lot about it, but the fact is that we had agreed that it would be okay for us to see other people, right?"

    I made an overwhelmed gesture. "Yes that''s right. And yet I realized that it didn''t fit between us. We want other things. I thought this deal would show you that you don''t need anyone else. But apparently it was just me.¡±

    I looked at him meaningfully. ¡°And I¡¯ve already explained everything to you, that I need something different than you.¡±

    He still looked confused and now a little angry.

    ¡°You do realize that¡¯s pretty unfair of you, don¡¯t you? First we make a deal and then you drop me if I follow it?¡±

    I didn''t answer and instead bit my lip.

    He was right about that. After a short awkward pause, I sighed.

    ¡°Yes, I know that and I¡¯ve thought about it a lot. But,¡± I sat back down on the lounger opposite him and looked directly at him.

    ¡°You have to admit that that was just the trigger at the end. If we''re being completely honest, it didn''t work before. We fought all the time and had been fighting for months.¡±

    There was a short silence between us in which only our breathing could be heard.

    Then I continued: ¡°I think we''re just not cut out as a couple. I know it wasn''t fair to fob you off like that. I mean, I tried to explain it to you, but I have to admit, I was pretty drunk at the party too.¡±

    He nodded and looked at his hands. Since he didn''t say anything, I couldn''t read his mood directly.

    ¡°And if I''m being completely honest, it wasn''t just the fact that you had done something with other women. But how it made me feel.¡±

    Now he looked up from his hands. His expression seemed infinitely sad as he looked into my eyes.

    I hesitated for a moment, but then I said: ¡°In the first few days I convinced myself that we just wanted something different. And that''s true too. But I also realized that,¡± I bit my lip harder, then released it, ¡°I didn¡¯t mind it as much as maybe I should have.¡±

    He let my words sink in for a moment, then frowned.

    "What do you mean? It sounded like you minded a lot?¡±

    I nodded and sat up straight. ¡°Yes, that¡¯s right too. As I said, I realized that it''s generally not for me. I mean an open relationship. But I mean more that I had to admit to myself that I wasn''t as jealous or hurt as I should have been when you did it."

    He seemed to slowly understand. ¡°That sounded pretty different.¡±

    I nodded. "Yes, that''s right. I''m sorry, I''m a bit immature sometimes. But I¡¯m also still trying to understand myself. Sometimes I cannot figure out my emotions. I''m sorry you had to be part of that.¡±

    We didn''t say anything for a while and he looked at his hands again.

    Just as I was about to say something again, he said it in a shaky voice: ¡°I miss you.¡±

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    I held my breath, unable to respond.

    I didn''t have to, because he just continued.

    ¡°I don¡¯t want it to be over. You''re my best friend. We''ve known each other forever and I don''t want us to just throw that away."

    I made a quick move to take his hand, but then stopped myself. That wouldn''t be fair.

    "I''m really sorry. I don''t want to do this, really, but it didn''t work anymore. Don¡¯t you think it¡¯s better to give yourself more space so you can find something that works better.¡±

    I frowned, annoyed at my words. They sounded too cryptic.

    ¡°What I mean is that either way it would have ended up broken. We haven¡¯t been whole for a long time.¡± Was that too mean?

    He didn''t react.

    I saw something dripping to the ground and realized he was crying quietly.

    A mixture of emotions overwhelmed me, made up of feelings of guilt, pity, sadness, longing and a kind of melancholy that I couldn''t describe.

    But with all these feelings, I knew it was the right decision. Because even though I was very ashamed to admit it to myself, for the last three weeks I had been relieved that it was over.

    Of course I missed the relationship, but it was more like the relationship it had been in the beginning. I still felt very connected to Reese, even though the weeks and months of our relationship had been emotional ups and downs.

    We had known each other since we were children, as his house was not far from mine. Our parents knew each other and, to be honest, everyone knew every other person in this village.

    I couldn''t stop myself and put my hand on his.

    ¡°We will still see each other every now and then.¡±

    He shook off my hand. ¡°It¡¯s not the same and you know it.¡±

    ¡°Hey, I''m leaving now, Ravi is here to pick me up,¡± my mother said and stuck her head out the patio door.

    She looked at us in surprise when she spotted Reese and then looked at me questioningly. I shook my head subtly and she nodded knowingly.

    ¡°See you later,¡± she blew me an air kiss and then disappeared.

    I heard the door close. Then we were alone.

    ¡°What do you want me to do?¡± he then asked.

    I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I had to hold myself back from tears because I was so sorry for hurting Reese and this situation was a bit overwhelming for me. But I owed him that. I hadn''t behaved correctly towards him for the last three weeks.

    ¡°There''s nothing, Reese. I think it¡¯s better this way and you¡¯ll realize that too.¡±

    It sounded like a clich¨¦, but I didn''t really know what to do about it. We were silent again for quite a while. It made me very uncomfortable to see him so sad and I couldn''t quite understand my own feelings. But I let it go and gave him his time.

    As it started to get cooler, I asked him if we wanted to go inside. He didn''t answer the question.

    The whole time, which felt like an eternity, but according to a quick look at my phone, it was only three quarters of an hour, he had been looking at his hands. Now he looked up again for the first time. His eyes were dry, his gaze infinitely deep but almost unfathomable.

    I looked straight at him and waited. He took a deep breath and then sighed.

    ¡°Do you ever wonder what or who you could be if all the components in your life were different?¡±

    I looked at him perplexed. That was a very philosophical question, and I couldn''t answer it or explain how he managed to jump into this topic so suddenly.

    From the topic of ending a relationship to questions about life, that was just too much for me. All I could do was open my mouth and then close it again.

    ¡°Uhhhm, I have no idea,¡± I said bluntly.

    He nodded slightly and then stood up. ¡°Thank you for your honesty and explanations. I need some time to let everything sink in."

    He turned to leave. I was just about to say something to him when he was at the patio door and went in.

    But at that moment a devastating stabbing pain went through my head.

    I held my hand to my temple and everything went black in front of my eyes. I groaned and tried not to fall back onto the lounger. The stinging went from my eyebrows to my temple, all the way to the back of my head. It felt like someone was sticking needles into my head from all sides at once. I moaned again, louder this time.

    I hadn''t noticed, but Reese seemed to have noticed because suddenly I felt two hands on my back and I leaned against them gratefully.

    ¡°Bon, what¡¯s wrong?¡± I heard his worried voice.

    It seemed distant, as if through cotton wool, or rather as if I were underwater.

    I couldn''t answer because my teeth were clenched so I couldn''t make another sound. The pain was now all-encompassing and I was afraid that if I opened my mouth and pulled my teeth apart, I would scream and I didn''t want that.

    I fell to my side and felt the pillow under my head.

    After I realized that lying down only added a throbbing bowel pain, I quickly sat up again.

    I blinked, but my eyes were still black. I could just about see the shadows of the loungers, our terrace and the face that was now floating in front of me and looking at me.

    He held me by the shoulders so that I didn''t fall backwards.

    ¡°Bonnie?¡± his tone was now louder and if possible even more worried.

    ¡°Water, painkillers,¡± I groaned and then gritted my teeth again.

    The stinging almost took my breath away and I didn''t know how my head could take it. Actually, it should have burst long ago, into thousands and thousands of pieces, so that nothing was left of me.

    When Reese was sure that I was sitting upright and would stay like that and not fall down again, he moved away and returned after a short while with something in his hand.

    ¡°I looked in all the drawers and found ibuprofen.¡±

    He held both of them out to me and I just opened my mouth, helpless as I was hardly capable of anything more.

    He placed the small pill on my tongue, then held the glass to my lips. I drank, even though the pain seemed to radiate from my head to my neck. I drank the entire glass. And when no more cool water came, Reese removed the glass from my lips, sat down next to me and gently pushed my head towards him so that I could rest it on his shoulders.

    It took forever, a glass of water and another pill, for the pain to slowly subside.

    Reese didn''t say a word, rubbed my back soothingly and was just there. I was so grateful to him at that moment, but couldn''t express it.

    The black colour in front of my eyes slowly cleared and I could see everything around me again. My eyes still hurt, my mouth was dry despite the drinking, and my head felt like it had been hit by a heavy truck. But the pain had now almost completely subsided and what remained was a dull, ringing feeling.

    ¡°Is it better?¡± Reese then asked me and I murmured agreement.

    I didn''t dare nod yet because I was afraid the pain would come back.

    ¡°What was that, was that a migraine?,¡± he asked, sounding a bit overwhelmed.

    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I murmured, resting my head on his shoulder for a moment.

    Then I slowly lifted it as a test and despite the ringing feeling and slight throbbing it went away to a lesser extent.

    ¡°You really scared me. You collapsed all of a sudden and I thought I had to call an ambulance."

    I didn''t answer, I just stroked my face and stood up very slowly and unsteadily.

    He held my arm tightly.

    ¡°Have you ever had something like that before?¡± he slowly accompanied me to the door and we went in.

    I was about to say ¡°no¡± when I remembered that wasn¡¯t true. ¡°Yes, at school recently.¡±

    The guy in the hospital room. What had he done? He didn''t give me anything either, but the pain eventually subsided. Had I taken painkillers? I''m sure that wasn''t the case.

    I got another glass of water from the kitchen, then, still unsteady, went into the living room and sat on the couch. I drank the whole glass and slowly lay down. This time it was better and lying down seemed to do my head good.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, you can leave if you want.¡±

    Reese looked at me skeptically. ¡°I¡¯m not leaving you alone now. What if it starts again?¡±

    I felt guilty that I was holding him here with my headache after everything before.

    But he didn''t seem angry or annoyed. Instead he got something to drink, apple juice ¡°so you can get sugar,¡± he explained.

    Then he got some food, chocolate, which he found in the kitchen cupboard and sat down next to me.

    He made sure we didn''t touch each other, or so it seemed to me. But he spread a rough blanket over my legs and his and then turned on the television. He looked at me to see if it would bother me. But he turned the volume down and you noticed that I was slowly falling asleep away anyway.

    ¡°Thank you,¡± I mumbled. Reese made a sound I could not understant what it meant.

 Chapter 10

    I was just throwing some popcorn into my mouth when Valeria moved next to me and put her head on my shoulder.

    ¡°I want to be like Baby too. She''s so self-assured, she''s pretty and she can dance damn well. And in these shoes", she said.

    I nodded, muttering in agreement, just watching Baby walk across the bridge in her shoes, swinging her hips as she practiced. She was already iconic. The film ¨C a classic that Ariana chose for us.

    We were now sitting in the back of her father''s pick-up truck, snuggled up in the blankets, watching Baby and Johnny do their lying-down dance.

    The music was great, I loved it so much as a child and listened to it so often that I could sing to every single song.

    "Maybe we should go to a summer camp like that sometime, then maybe we''ll meet some great guys who can dance well", came it from Selma.

    I aimed at Selma for throwing a popcorn, but it didn''t hit its target and rolled off the back of the car to the ground.

    ¡°You just have to be able to dance well yourself, then you can lead the man. This is the new female independence¡±, Ariana commented.

    The rest of us looked at her laughing.

    ¡°Dancing revolution then,¡± Valeria giggled and I put even more popcorn in my mouth.

    I honestly didn''t even like popcorn that much, but it kind of fit into the setting. For a movie night, whether in the cinema, from the back of a car or from the comfy sofa. Popcorn should be there. But if I had to choose, I''d choose salty. Valeria hated on me every time for that opinion.

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to go to summercamp. It''s such an effort. Just come to Yuma¡¯s classmates¡¯ party tomorrow and then you¡¯ll meet someone. And maybe you can teach him to dance too,¡± Ariana said and threw a Popcon at Valeria.

    "Hey,¡± she protested. ¡°We should not waste good food like that. Besides, I didn¡¯t know Yuma¡¯s friends threw parties. I thought they all just sit in their dark rooms in front of the screen and ruin their eyes."

    "I beg your pardon," said Ariana, snubbed.

    ¡°That is such a sticky and old-fashioned clich¨¦, Madame. I have you also know that Yuma happens to have very good eyes, better than some others.¡±

    I was laughing.

    Ariana was making a reference to THE reading glasses that Valeria always had to wear glasses because her eyes were good for everyday life, but not for driving or reading. She''d had the glasses since she was 15, so they were appropriately bulky and, well, reminiscent of a stereotypical librarian - a sticky and old-fashioned clich¨¦, Ariana would say.

    ¡°Oh, glasses are trendy,¡± Valeria tried to salvage the argument, but it was too late.

    ¡°Anyway, you¡¯re welcome to come. His buddy brings all his medicine friends since they as far as I know share a campus somehow. Don¡¯t ask me why,¡± she added as I looked at her confused.

    Computer science and medicine on the same campus was a weird comination in my opinion.

    ¡±But it''s gonna be fun. And the doctors know how to celebrate. They study the human body, so it''s logical for them to know exactly how much alcohol they need to have fun. Maybe we can learn something from them,¡± she laughed.

    ¡°I wouldn''t be surprised if one of them reenacted Breaking Bad. They''re all pretty smart. Or well, almost all of them."

    "Clich¨¦," I grumbled and grabbed a handful of popcorn again. I realised I was probably just hungry and tried to fill up on it.

    ¡°But I¡¯m serious,¡± Ariana then said, tugging on my sleeve. ¡°Come on please, it will be fun if we are there together. ¡°

    ¡°On a Sunday evening? I don¡¯t know,¡± said Selma. ¡°I have become quite a grandma. Sunday night parties sound like teenagers.¡±

    Ariana then put her head in a headlock and rubbed her hair wildly.

    "You''re as young as ever. Come on, this is a bonding experience."

    I snorted. "So we''re your entertainment when an apartment full of guys wants to get drunk?"

    She nodded eagerly. "Exactly. That''s why you''re my friends, isn''t it?"

    Valeria laughed, pinched her arm and then smiled with satisfaction at the "ouch" that followed.

    Dirty Dancing then enveloped us again and pulled us into a world in which Baby''s problems were the only things we were discussing.

    __

    ¡°Oh my, I don¡¯t even know what to wear,¡± Valeria complained as I sat on the bed in her room the next afternoon and played on my cell phone.

    I was diligently planting sunflowers to buy plant bullets and shooting plants that would then fairy the zombies from my house. Last resort ¨C the lawn mowers.

    ¡°Don''t worry, just because we''re women doesn''t mean we always have to be super dressed. Trust me, most guys won''t give much thought to what they''re wearing tonight."

    My mother hasn''t been too happy about me going to a party with my friends in our last night together. But she had then agreed and let me go, grumbling, when I had promised to come for dinner twice during the week and also to come at the weekend back home.

    ¡°I¡¯m not that far away, 30 minutes by car and we¡¯ll see each other,¡± I had said and hugged her.

    The final preparations for the move tomorrow were done, the boxes were packed and everything was ready in the hallway at home to be carried into the car tomorrow. I actually wanted to do it today, but Ravi had overruled me with the argument that the car was a pick-up and therefore had an open loading area, we didn''t have a tarpaulin and the weather forecast predicted rain.

    Well, we all knew how reliable the weather forecast was. But anyway, good to be safe.

    "You look great too, haven''t you made an effort?"

    "Nope," I replied, hissing in annoyance as a Zombie devoured my best plant. ¡°Damn those stupid undead thingies.¡±

    If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    Valeria looked at me confused.

    "I just grabbed the first thing I could find in one of the boxes."

    She nodded, but still looked at me with envy. "Anyway, you look great. What should I wear?¡±

    ¡°Thanks,¡± I mumbled and was again focussing on the game.

    The first thing I grabbed from the box with my party/chic/fancy clothes - if I even could call them that - was a black, semi-tight dress that was closed up to the neck at the front, but was free at the back. The sleeves were half-length and the dress was mid-thigh-long.

    Normally these would be too short for me, but I combined them with black boots and then felt a better. I also wore creoles as earrings that matched my curls. I had formed my curls with a little hair cream so that they now fell nicely over my shoulders. Okay, maybe I put in a little effort. But I had to admit, I felt pretty good.

    ¡°Take the blue skirt with the white top,¡± I said, while she was still standing in the room, undecided.

    Ariana wanted to pick us up in about 20 minutes and I knew how long Valeria would need in the bathroom.

    ¡°Okay,¡± she said gratefully and disappeared.

    Exactly 18 minutes later, she came out again.

    ¡°And?¡± she asks uncertainly.

    Wow, she looked bombastically good.

    The skirt reached just above her knees, was covered with blue patterns up to her waist and had a slit up to her thigh on one side. The white top was a simple crop top that had a V-neck in the front and accentuated her curves just right.

    She had her hair gathered in a loose but beautiful bun at the back of her neck. She also wore gold jewelry that perfectly matched her light brown complexion.

    ¡°Wow, Val, honestly. I would definitely take you home with me.¡± I grinned at her.

    ¡°Really,¡± I emphasized again when she wasn¡¯t completely convinced.

    Normally she wasn''t so insecure, in fact she was always very confident. But I knew that she was secretly hoping to meet someone who could give her what she always saw between Yuma and Ariana.

    And I could understand her. Nevertheless, I was sorry that she let this unsettle her.

    ¡°You look great,¡± I said again, went over to her and hugged her.

    ¡°I just hope we''re not overdressed, us pretty ones,¡± I joked.

    When she looked at me in shock, I raised both hands quickly.

    ¡°Just kidding, it¡¯s a party, so other people will be dressed up too. Believe me. It¡¯s unspoken etiquette.¡±

    She nodded and looked at herself in the mirror one last time.

    Then we heard a short but loud honk from outside. ¡°Ariana,¡± we said in unison and then went outside.

    Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber were singing "Stuck with You" from the radio and we were singing along as we pulled into the street where Yuma''s friend''s apartment was supposed to be.

    Ariana had explained that they had known each other since childhood and they wanted to celebrate his birthday. When Valeria and I both reacted in panic because neither of us had a present and that was socially unacceptable in our opinion, she calmed us down and pointed to a bag at the back of the seats, containing chocolate and a PlayStation game.

    ¡°Yuma was my snitch,¡± she said with a wink.

    ¡°Come on, you accompany me, so I am showing my gratitude by being responsible for getting a gift that''s from all of us.¡±

    ¡°What about Selma?¡± I asked, remembering that there were supposed to be four of us.

    ¡°She''ll get here on her own.¡± Selma also lived in the city and it therefore much easier going everywhere for her than for us.

    I could hardly wait to live closer to the city from tomorrow.

    Ariana parked the car on the opposite side of the road from the apartment. We were lucky, we found a spot, since the entire street was already full of cars.

    "My goodness," Valeria commented.

    But it made sense. These were residential complexes that housed a lot of apartments and so it was clear that a lot of people had to live and hence park here.

    ¡°How do they do the party when so many people live here,¡± I wondered.

    Ariana pointed her head to the sky. ¡°Rooftop."

    My mouth dropped open.

    ¡°No way, a rooftop party?¡±, both my and Valeria¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°How cool!¡±

    We pressed the button with the name ¡°Andersson¡± on it, but nothing happened even after the third time, so Ariana dialed Yuma¡¯s number and called him.

    He quickly answered his phone and she asked him to let us in. A loud buzzing sound and a short time later we climbed the fifth flight of stairs and could already hear the bass and the voices of the people who were already there.

    ¡°Who forgot to build an elevator into this building. And who throws a party on the rooftop without an elevator, for Christ''s sake.", I cursed.

    "Don''t say that", Valeria objected.

    "But we will all arrive completely exhausted and sweaty. I mean how are the other guests doing it?", I gasped and took a short break.

    ¡°Not all of them are in such a bad condition, sweetie. You should exercise more. Maybe with one of the guys here?¡± she winked at me happily and ran ahead as if she didn¡¯t mind the stairs one bit.

    ¡°That¡¯s why you¡¯re my best friend,¡± Valeria whined, laughing with her arm around my shoulders. "You''re just as unathletic as I am." I snorted.

    We reached the top and as we slowly walked through the door that led outside, the music and the sound of voices suddenly became much louder and more present. The doors really seemed to dampen any sound very well.

    It wasn''t too crowded yet for the space of the rooftop, but there were already quite a few people there. Most of them were standing around, already moving slightly to the music, holding a cup in their hand and chatting.

    It looked really great. The floor was paved with bricks and was spacious, it could easily hold up to 60 or people. To the left behind the door was a kind of chimney and a small wall. The wall prevented us from seeing to the space that was further back. On the right hand side they had put long tables, bordered by surrounding walls that marked the end of the roof. On the tables we could see drinks, appetizers, even some flowers for decoration. Damn, not bad. They even had put large beer kegs at each end.

    ¡°Dude,¡± said Valeria, saying what I was thinking. ¡°Is he rich like that?¡±

    Ariana nodded and grinned at us. ¡°Yes, he is, and now let¡¯s go find him and give him something that he could certainly have bought himself.¡±

    We followed her flowing blonde hair, which was held in a glittering hair band. It matched the silver-coloured glittering dress, that flowed around her slender body, ending at her ankles. She also wore sandals that looked elegant and summery.

    I was glad that she was dressed like that too, it didn''t make me feel overdressed. But this uncertainty was unfounded anyway, because as we walked past the people already standing around, we noticed that most of them were wearing shirts, fashionable sweaters or polo shirts. Lucky.

    I noticed some stares following us as we walked by, but I also noticed that there were other girls here. Not as many as boys, but still enough for us to feel comfortable.

    I looked around and was pleasantly surprised. The entire rooftop area was covered with fairy lights that dangled over the guests'' heads. There were tables with cups and drinks and some food at each side,  spaced at regular intervals. Several trash cans were carefully placed in the corners and small LED light machines were installed in three corners, eluminating the wall of the house that was behind us.

    The music was loud but not unpleasant and it sounded relaxed. If I had to guess, I would have estimated the crowd of guests already at around 30. Not bad for a birthday.

    I hoped it was an important one so that all this effort they put in, was actually worthwhile for them.

    ¡°Hey,¡± Ariana said loudly and excitedly in that moment and I brought my attention forward again.

    She was walking fast towards a tall, broad-shouldered, light-haired guy who smiled at her when he spotted her and they hugged. Then she handed him a gift and pointed to me and Valeria. I couldn''t exactly hear everyone yet over the music, but I thought I heard her words, "my friends" and "party guests".

    He looked at us and when we arrived at the group consisting of him, two friends and Ariana, he held out his hand with a smile.

    ¡°Welcome, I¡¯m glad you¡¯re here. And thank you very much for the gift. I¡¯m Torben.¡±

    I took his hand and smiled back.

    ¡°Thank you for letting us come. I''m Bonnie and this is Valeria," I pointed to Valeria next to me, nudging her as she distractedly looked to the side and watched as she blushed slightly and then shook his hand as well."Hi."

    He grinned. ¡°Do you have something to drink yet? No? Okay, then I''ll send my two servants here to get you something."

    He jokingly pointed to the two friends next to him. They introduced themselves as Matthew and Spencer.

    "What do you like, rather sweet and fruity or spicy and savory?¡±, the one asked.

    Valeria and I said ¡°sweet and fruity¡± as one, and when Ariana added ¡°spicy¡±, with a grin, the two of them went off to mix our drinks.

    ¡°I like women who know what they want,¡± he joked.

    ¡°But honestly, the gift is really fun, very kind of you, thank you. Unfortunately, I play far too much PlayStation. So now I have another reason not to stop,¡± he laughed.

    Then he carefully placed the bag on a table behind him that already had several other gifts on it.

    ¡°There¡¯s Yuma,¡± Ariana said, looking briefly at Valeria and me.

    ¡°I¡¯ll be right back, okay?¡± And then she was gone.

    Torben turned back to us and we were momentarily embarrassed looking for a topic to talk about.

 Chapter 11

    ¡°So, how do you know Ariana?¡± he then asked.

    I smiled at him, grateful that he had started the first topic of conversation.

    ¡°Ariana and I live in the same area and know each other since childhood.¡± I said with a grin and then nodded to Valeria.

    ¡°And then I introduced the two of them when we were teenagers."

    He nodded and smiled at Valeria. She smiled shyly back.

    I didn''t know her being like that at all, she normally had no problem talking to people. Was she embarrassed somehow or just shy?

    "And you? So you and Yuma I mean?¡± I then asked to keep the conversation going.

    ¡°Ahh, we literally know each other from before kindergarten. Our mothers were in the same baby club as us,¡± he laughed, now embarrassed as well.

    "He¡¯s one of my best buddies. And the others here are mostly friends, fellow students and friends of friends.¡±

    ¡°I heard you¡¯re studying medicine?¡±, I asked with interest.

    ¡°Well, not exactly. I am studying Occupational Therapy. We have similar courses, but ultimately I''m not a doctor... but since we have a lot of overlap at the same faculty, I know a lot of medical students. Yuma also knows a lot of them, we share the same campus.¡±

    ¡°Occupational therapy?¡± came it from Valeria. ¡°That''s really interesting, I had a course on it last year but wasn''t that happy. What courses are you taking in your program?¡±

    And before I could add anything else to it, the two of them were already deep in conversation about Valeria¡¯s studies in Psychology and the courses that the two of them had in common.

    I smiled briefly at them when I saw how enthusiastically Valeria was talking and how well they understood each other once she had loosened up.

    I took a few steps away from them to give them the privacy of their conversation. Even if that was perhaps unnecessary at a party like this one.

    ¡°Here, Madame,¡± said one of the two boys, whose names I had already forgotten.

    "Your drink," he handed me a cocktail with some cream on top.

    "Really?" I laughed and sipped some of the cream.

    "Trust us, we know what we''re doing." He winked at me and headed towards Valeria to give her her drink.

    "Hey, if you''re a bit lost, we''ll set up a game of beer pong, that always helps break the ice."

    He grinned at me afterwards and then left too.

    I don''t like beer, I wanted to add, but he had been too fast gone and couldn''t hear me.

    So I sipped my cocktail and looked around. I spotted Ariana further back towards the entrance, she was kissing Yuma and the two were moving slowly to the beat of the music.

    I was happy for her, honestly. But since Valeria was also busy and Selma apparently wasn''t here yet, I had to look for something else to do. Or rather someone else. I really had no problem meeting people at parties. Most of them were just as okay as I was with just broaching superficial topics and having fun and then going home. So I stood on the sidelines, listened to the music and waited for the beer pong game to be set up.

    I had a quick chat with the other friend of the two that had mixed our drinks. He reminded me that his name was Matthew when I wasn''t able to say it. It made me a little uncomfortable that I had so quickly forgotten, but he just ignored it. Then he took me into his team and, as expected, a few people lined up around the table to watch. The cups stood ready in a pyramid-like order and the bright orange coloured table tennis ball lay next to them.

    However, we couldn''t start since the other group was still missing a player. Or rather, only Torben''s other friend was there without a partner.

    ¡°No one else wants to?¡± I asked, but then suddenly someone appeared next to him and when I looked at the newcomer, my jaw dropped.

    It was him. The guy from the hospital room. The non-nurse. The guy from the swimming pool. The pool guy.

    ¡°You,¡± he said, just as surprised to see me.

    ¡°Do you know each other?¡± Matthew asked me.

    ¡°Briefly,¡± I simply answered and looked at him.

    "That''s not surprising, he knows a lot of girls." Matthew then laughed. ¡°But don¡¯t let his pretty face irritate you, he¡¯s a beast at beer pong. He beats everyone because he plays dirty,¡± He made a teasing face at pool guy.

    "Haha very funny. You''re no better. Let''s go, Spencer, we''ll finish them off", he said challengingly, looking determined.

    So, Spencer the other guy''s name. Torben''s other friend. Now, all I was missing was pool guy''s name.

    ¡°Come on, come on. We''ll get old here otherwise,¡± he joked, looking at me with a slight sneer.

    This look made my rivalry flare up and I stood ready to fight.

    Then I nodded to signal that I was ready, and he threw the first ball. It fell, hit cleanly on their side of the table and then jumped off in a perfect arc into the middle cup of the second row.

    "Ahh the first throws are the easiest," Matthew said dismissively and then took the ball.

    He chugged down the contents of the first cup, grimaced and then groaned.

    ¡°Aaaargh, you filled them with the disgusting stuff.¡±

    Great. I didn''t like beer anyway. Now, it seemed to be even the worst kind of beer.

    ¡°Here, give it a whiff,¡± he held the ball under my nose.

    Taken by surprise, I blew on the ball. He grinned, then threw it. He also hit it perfectly.

    ¡°Let¡¯s gooo,¡± he said cheeringly, raising his hand.

    I hit the hand. Okay, he had an energy level that I had to try to match first.

    Now, it was Spencer''s turn. He didn''t hit as perfectly as Pool Guy, but he also hit a cup from the back row.

    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

    ¡°Uhhh, your turn,¡± Matthew said and I grabbed the cup before he could hold it out to me again.

    I didn''t like being handed stuff all the time.

    Pool Guy grinned and watched me lifting the cup, fishing out the ball and taking a quick sip. Then I grimaced.

    ¡°Ewww, whiskey?¡± My voice matched my face in that moment.

    The others laughed.

    "I''m surprised you recognize whiskey," Spencer commented.

    "How come? Do you think a girl doesn''t know alcohol?¡°

    Spencer made a helpless sound. With these words I downed the liquid burning in my throat in one gulp.

    The others cheered. ¡°Let¡¯s goo girl.¡±

    Then it was my turn. I knew I would miss the first ball if I didn''t concentrate. It was always like that, I would miss the first ball or the first two until I got used to it. But then it was usually difficult to catch up when the others were good and had already collected many points.

    I took aim, exhaled, closed one eye and threw. And I scored.

    Matthew cheered and slapped me on the shoulder. ¡°Yes, yes!¡±

    He wanted to high-five again and I followed it.

    Now, it was pool guy''s turn to drink one of the cups. He kept his gaze on me as he lifted the cup and calmly swallowed the contents without grimacing.

    I felt hot under his gaze and I didn''t know whether I liked it or it was unpleasant. Oh my, and this guy has already seen me in a bikini. Not the best conditions for withstanding a staring duel.

    But whatever, get up, fix your crown and carry on.

    We played for a few more rounds until I really felt the alcohol. We had played so quickly that it had taken time for it to take effect. But then it suddenly happened and I had to pull myself together so that it didn''t get to my head too much.

    Usually, I didn''t have a bad tolerance, but I was slim and not super tall, so I had less material to hold the alcohol well.

    The cheers from the people around the table and the team members became louder, longer and more exuberant. We played a second round, this time with beer and I had to restrain myself from spitting the stuff back into the cup in disgust.

    Beer? OK. I didn''t like it, but it was bearable. But this stuff just tasted like spoiled water - if water could be spoiled. Water that made you drunk.

    ¡°All right,¡± Matthew said to me when we were almost done with the second round. ¡°Are you okay?¡±

    I nodded, but he could tell I was very drunk.

    ¡°We¡¯ll get through this quickly, okay?¡± he said and I nodded.

    We threw a few more balls. Ironically, the more I drank, the better I got at aiming. Less inhibition? Better coordination? No plan but I was happy to accept it.

    Both rounds were ultimately won by Spencer and Pool Guy and as punishment we had to drink the entire contents of our remaining cups, which added up to an embarrassing total of four. Wearily, we toasted our cups and drank two each.

    Matthew had offered to take mine. His arguments that he was bigger, heavier and more motivated with beer sounded plausible. But I politely declined, accepted my fate as an honorable loser and then fervently emptied the cups.

    ¡°Good game,¡± I said and clapped Matthew on the shoulder.

    He laughed and nodded. Then I walked towards the wall while the ground was ever so slightly uneven.

    ¡°Everything okay?¡± Matthew asked me again from behind.

    ¡°Yes, yes,¡± I simply said.

    I heard them forming a new group and starting the round. I leaned my hips against the railing that stood on the wall on this side and provided additional fastening and security for my alcohol-shaked body. Then I took my cocktail, which I had previously placed on this very wall, and listlessly put the straw in my mouth. The sweetness of the Strawberry Colada felt good and filled my stomach.

    I looked at the city, its center which could be seen from here. It was really beautiful at night, the skyscrapers lit up, a little machine behind me shot LED lights into the sky and everything flashed as if it were some kind of festival of lights in itself. My head was pleasantly numb and I just took all the impressions in.

    Even though I either had slept badly, had bad thoughts, or had headaches for days, it was good that my head switched off completely even for just a moment. And even if that meant drinking alcohol.

    ¡°Should you drink more?¡± a voice suddenly asked me from behind, and the person to whom the voice belonged seemed so close to me that I could feel the warmth emanating from their body on the back of my neck.

    I had earlier tied my hair into a bun at the back of my head to give my neck some fresh cold air breezes. Now I got goosebumps.

    I was about to turn around, but he was already standing next to me at the railing and also smiling into the distance. Pool guy.

    He looked even better than I remembered. Or was it the alcohol that deluded my eyes?

    His dark hair, which reached to his ears, had been slightly parted back, but now it was tousled by the wind and the party and fell lightly in individual strands over his forehead. His face was angular, his eyes dark and sparkling and his smile wide and honest. He was about half a head taller than me, so I had to look up when I looked at him.

    I noticed he was also wearing black, dark pants and a shirt that was open at the top and looked damn good on him. He had loosely folded back his sleeves. So in terms of colour, he suited me. I hadn''t noticed that before.

    I shook my head. I shouldn''t have such thoughts. Not with pool type.

    ¡°No, you shouldn¡¯t?¡± he asked and I remembered his previous question.

    ¡°Yes I should, I like the cocktail,¡± I added and he laughed quietly.

    It was the same melodic laugh that I had heard in the hospital room. Now it gave me goosebumps again. I didn''t like the effect this guy had on me. My goodness, I just got out of a relationship. I shouldn''t even think about other men like that.

    I sipped my cocktail to distract myself and the loud noise that my straw made indicated that it was empty. Disappointed, I placed the glass on the wall and calmly placed both hands on the railing.

    ¡°Since this is the third time we''ve met, I think we should introduce ourselves, shouldn''t we?¡± he then said and simply continued the conversation.

    How could he sound so normal when he had drunk almost as much as me? Or did it just seem normal to me? He was still looking at me with raised eyebrows. Oops, I didn''t respond.

    ¡°Do you remember me?¡± he then asked.

    ¡°Yes, swimming pool guy,¡± I blurted out and I immediately regretted it.

    He laughed. ¡°Swimming pool guy? So you named me like that?¡±

    I nodded. ¡°I didn¡¯t know your name.¡±

    Then he nodded. ¡°Fair enough.¡±

    He held out his hand to me. ¡°I¡¯m Julien. It¡¯s nice to meet you¡­again...,¡± he left a pause for me.

    ¡°Bonnie,¡± I said quickly, shaking his hand, which felt way too formal.

    ¡°Very pleased and very formal,¡± I said, to which he laughed again.

    ¡°I feel like our names are both of French origin. What a coincidence. Our first thing we have in common.¡± He winked at me.

    ¡°No,¡± I said unimaginatively. Great, what should I say now?

    "No? What then?¡± he asked.

    "Well," I began weakly. "I mean, it''s not the only one. We both like to go swimming, we''ve both been to the hospital room and," I thought feverishly for a moment, "we''re both wearing black today."

    He laughed loudly. "Touch¨¦."

    He pretended to be weighing up the third argument in his head as he scanned my outfit with his far too deep eyes and looked me up and down. Again, I had these flaming feelings inside me that I didn''t know whether I liked or disliked.

    ¡°So,¡± I said to distract myself, "what are you doing here? I mean, how do you know the birthday child?¡±

    I knew the answer already but it felt like safe territory for a conversation with this confusing guy.

    His eyes twinkled briefly as if he knew, but then he turned back to the front.

    ¡°Torben? We study at the same faculty.¡±

    ¡°Occupational Therapy?¡± I asked and nodded knowingly.

    ¡°No. Medicine.¡±

    I looked at him in surprise.

    "Medicine? Wow,¡± my lips formed an O.

    He looked amused and annoyed at the same time.

    "I often get this reaction. People are fascinated when others study medicine. Where does that come from, I wonder.¡±

    ¡°Hm,¡± I thought loudly. "Probably because it''s hard to be accepted to Med school, it''s hard to study, you have to sacrifice a lot of time, your studies take years, and effort and... "

    He raised his hands defensively. ¡°Okay, I understand. What are you studying?¡±

    I looked at him indignantly. ¡°Why do you so quickly assume I¡¯m studying? Does everyone have to study? Are training courses and apprenticeships not valued? It''s all honest work.¡±

    He backed down. ¡°Sorry, that¡¯s not what I meant. Of course that''s cool. I mean, I didn''t mean to put it that way, Arrrgh!"

    I grinned broadly. ¡°I''m just teasing you. I am studying Health Sciences.¡±

    He shook his head in disbelief and snorted two or three times.

    "Unbelievable. Drunk and looking for trouble.¡±

    I just kept grinning and looking ahead to the lights in the distance again. But I had seen the sparkle in his eyes. He was amused and he seemed to like a challenge.

    ¡°How did you come up with that? Your studies I mean¡± he then asked.

    I shrugged my shoulders. ¡°I find it interesting. And I know that you can do cool things with it. I also think it¡¯s important. To me at least.¡±

    He squinted his eyes slightly in concentration as if he wanted to say something else, but couldn''t decide what.

    ¡°And how far along are you?¡± he asked.

    ¡°I¡¯m in the fifth semester. Hopefully I''ll be finished by next summer.¡±

    He hummed in agreement.

    ¡°So you¡¯re 23 now then?¡± he asked appraisingly.

    ¡°22,¡± I corrected him. "And you? How far along are you?¡±

    He looked at his hands. "Well, I''m in the eighth semester."

    ¡°Ahh, and that makes you 25?¡±

    He laughed. "Just like you, Princess, you miscalculated by a year."

 Chapter 12

    ¡°24.¡±

    "Okay, Princess" I said with a mocking tone. ¡°How did you get into medicine?¡±

    I was about to raise my glass to my lips again when I remembered that it was empty. A pity. I thought about going to get a new one but didn''t want to leave the conversation with pool guy. Where was Spencer?

    "Similar to yours, or...well, more personal reasons."

    I waited a moment, but he didn''t add anything else. Then I nodded slowly.

    "Would you like something else to drink?"

    He looked relieved for some reason and agreed.

    We went to one of the tables standing on the sides.

    ¡°Do you happen to know how to mix a Strawberry Colada?¡± I asked him and he laughed. ¡°By chance, yes.¡±

    He mixed a few ingredients together but I didn¡¯t really pay attention. Little careless but I didn''t mind.

    Then he handed it to me and had even put a small cherry on the top.

    ¡°A sweet cherry,¡± he said.

    ¡°For a sweet girl,¡± I said, then slapped my hand over my mouth. ¡°Sorry, alcohol makes me cheeky.¡±

    He grinned. ¡°There''s nothing wrong with that.¡±

    He looked at me for a moment, then quickly mixed something himself and then turned back to me.

    ¡°What do you want to do now?¡±

    I thought about it. ¡°I would like to try your drink, just a sip. And then....go dancing. May I?¡±

    He smiled. "Yes you can. But only if I can try yours too.¡±

    We swapped and I took a sip.

    It was spicy and strangely sweet at the same time. It tasted really good though.

    ¡°Wow, interesting,¡± I said.

    ¡°Cheers to me,¡± he laughed at himself.

    ¡°Let¡¯s go dancing,¡± I said.

    He grimaced. ¡°I don¡¯t really dance.¡±

    ¡°But you agreed. Do you just want to stand here and do nothing?¡± I asked, slightly enthusiastic.

    He nodded. ¡°Sounds like a very good plan, I think.¡±

    I shrugged. "As you wish. But I will go dancing now. You okay with staying here alone?"

    He nodded and I waved at him without paying any attention to what he was doing.

    I drank another sip of my cocktail, which tasted wonderfully sweet and intoxicating, and looked up. There was no real dance floor, but the people still danced, some more extensively than in others.

    I spotted Selma and Ariana further away, dancing together. I made my way through the crowd to them and they hugged me enthusiastically when they saw me.

    ¡°You here, finally. I''ve been looking for you for ages girl, where have you been?" Ariana shouted to me.

    The music had really gotten louder now.

    ¡°I played beer pong,¡± I said out loud.

    She laughed. ¡°And you¡¯re drunk? Don¡¯t worry, we are too.¡± Her laugh was more piercing now.

    ¡°Where is Val?,¡± I asked.

    ¡°With some guy, they were talking, and at some point I just walked away. They were caught up in their own world", she grinned at me meaningfully.

    Then she put one arm around me and one around Selma and then we danced.

    I didn''t pay attention to how long we danced like that, song after song, sometimes as a group of three, sometimes each individually. It was so much fun.

    My cocktail was long empty and I just let myself go, swinging my arms, my hips, my hair. The music was so good, I did''t know who had chosen the songs but the vibe was amazing.

    I at some point asked Ariana where Yuma was and she said he was ¡°with the boys.¡± But she seemed to be having her own fun with us.

    ¡°You should find someone too. Selma and I have made it our mission to set you and Val up for tonight. Since Val has found someone herself already that leaves only you.¡±

    Arianas voice in my ear was only loud enough for me to understand most of the words, but I knew what she meant.

    ¡°I...no, come on, I can just chill with you guys.¡±

    She shook her head wildly and then took a long sip of her beer.

    ¡°No, no you need a rebound from Reese. Come on, it will be good for you,¡± she then added when I wanted to protest some more.

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    Then she put both arms around my neck, pulled me closer to her and said in my ear: ¡°Come on, it¡¯s just for one evening. I saw you with this guy earlier, he''s really hot. Take that one. It''s just about having a little fun. Let yourself go, enjoy the evening and reality can come back tomorrow.¡±

    I felt a distant ringing somewhere in my head, but it was a rushing feeling and not unpleasant. Her words were somehow intoxicating.

    The feeling filled my veins, controlled my pulse, and rushed through my head to my hair.

    It was like a vibration or a hum, but I couldn''t quite pin it down.

    Ariana didn''t seem to notice, even though she was still holding me close.

    ¡°Besides, he did look at you the whole time. If he wasn''t so hot, it would be pretty creepy."

    Then she laughed, gave me a kiss on the cheek, let me go and took Selma by the arm. She winked at me and then pulled Selma to a spot further back.

    I knew that she wanted me to stay here all alone so that I would be forced at some point to find someone.

    I actually wanted to explain to her that good looks weren''t an explanation or excuse for creepy behavior, but they were already gone. And to be completely honest, I liked that he looked at me.

    I looked around and then I spotted him.

    He was standing maybe ten metres away, leaning against a wall and seemingly talking to a guy.

    He spoke to him and the guy nodded, however at the same time he looked at me.

    Julien. What a beautiful name. And yes, he was right about the French origins.

    I stood there still a little undecided, hesitant and unsure. But then I thought of Ariana and heard her voice in my ears. ¡°You go get it, girl.¡±

    I pulled myself together and walked towards him.

    As I moved, we didn''t break eye contact for a second and I got goosebumps, but I tried to not pay attention to it.

    He said something briefly to the guy he talked with, then slowly walked towards me.

    We were only a few steps apart, he smiled slightly and then there he was. Right in front of me.

    While he hesitated for a moment and waited to see what I would do, I clasped my hands in his neck and pulled him slightly towards me, moving in rhythm with the music and forcing him to move slightly with me.

    He slowly placed his hands on my waist.

    He seemed unsure, which surprised me a bit. Did he think I had something else in mind?

    "You see? You are dancing?¡± I said smiling, my mouth close to his ear.

    To play with him a little, I deliberately let my breath travel over his earlobe and then his neck as I pulled back a little and noticed, to my full satisfaction, that he too had gotten goosebumps.

    We danced like that for a little while, the songs were a bit more relaxed and slower.

    I had no idea what time it was. My thoughts began to wander a bit around.

    But then something happened. The lights were dimmed and the music changed.

    It didn''t slow down or speed up, but the tones changed, the singer''s voice became more melancholic.

    The whole dancing vibe changed suddenly and it became more fiery.

    I thought for just a moment and then pulled him closer to me. Where before we were a reasonable distance of half a meter when dancing, now we were only separated by a few centimetres. There were now hardly any people who weren''t dancing; some were already making out or had retreated into a corner. A few were still playing in one of the back corners. But most of them enjoyed the music, little Meneg was regrouped and I felt the other people close around us. But at that moment my attention was completely captivated by the guy, who slowly moved closer and closer to me until our bodies were pressed closer to each other than you would have thought during normal dancing. My arms were still wrapped around his neck, our faces were only ten centimeters away. I felt his breath on my skin, felt the warmth that emanated from him. And what else, excitement? But I was probably wrong. He didn''t seem like someone who would be excited in such a situation. Our eyes were locked and neither of us wanted to break contact.

    I felt him on me, around me and in front of me. His presence captivated me, made my heart skip a beat and my blood boil. Although we had been dancing like this for what seemed like an eternity, something suddenly changed between us. I didn''t know what it was, maybe a certain movement from him or me. A flicker in his eyes. But both of our breaths were quick, then he pulled me even closer and then he kissed me.

    His warm, full lips were on mine. My head was spinning, the intoxication from the alcohol mixed with the intoxication from him. I could smell his fragrant scent, his body pressed against me, and when his lips opened slightly and his tongue pressed against my lips, I lost control slightly. I moaned, pressed myself even harder if possible, ran my hands through his hair and opened my lips too. A quiet, throaty moan also escaped from his throat. But I heard - or felt - it very clearly. It fired me up and I couldn''t get enough of him. I didn''t know how long we kissed like that, but at some point he pulled away from me. His face was flushed, his hair was disheveled, and his eyes were burning brightly. When I had collected myself for a moment, I looked around briefly, embarrassed. I had thought we had put on a show for the others, but no one was paying attention to us. Some of the couples were no less inhibited themselves. I looked at him again, his hands still on my waist. Then he leaned forward and whispered so loudly that I could barely hear him, in my ear: "If we carry on like this, I''ll lose my control here on the dance floor," he grinned suggestively. I smoothed my hair. He only lost his control then? I had the feeling that I had lost mine a long time ago.

    I wanted to pull away from him to give him space, but I had misunderstood him. He shook his head briefly, then turned me around by the hips and before I could react in shock, he was behind me, dancing lightly with his hands on my hips. I might have found it uncomfortable, but on this dance floor, to this song, with him, it was intoxicating. I put my hands on his on my hips and closed my eyes. I let the rhythm wash over mine - our bodies. It was as if we were one with the music. I felt his head again as he was on my neck, first with his breath and then with his cigarettes. I moaned again slightly, but no one seemed to notice. First he sucked my earlobe very lightly between his lips, then he slowly moved them over the side of my neck, exactly where my pulse was pounding. "You smell intoxicating," he whispered in my ear. We danced to this song until the song ended. Then he took my arm, pulled me off the dance floor with him and headed purposefully towards something. I noticed that it was a couch covered with cushions when he motioned for me to sit down on it. We were now back in one of the back corners where the beer pong table had been before, which was now folded up and put to the side. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked. I shook my head, slightly dazed. "Good, me neither," he said. Then he sat down next to me. I looked at him. Where he had just been so sure of himself, he now seemed slightly unsure again. "Would you like to?" I interrupted him by pulling him back to me and pressing my lips to his again. It wasn''t enough. He sighed softly, put his arms around my head and leaned towards me. I absentmindedly put my legs over his so that we were half sitting and half lying on the couch. I ran my fingers through his hair again. His lips were greedily on my mouth at first, his tongue running lightly over my lower lip. Then he slowly moved over my chin and neck. He sucked lightly on my earlobe again, and then let his lips glide over the delicate skin of my neck. He carefully smoothed the fabric back over my cheekbones, kissed me there too, and then moved back again. Back at my mouth, this time I pushed my tongue forward, ran it over his lower lip, lightly brushed against his tongue and wrapped my lips around it. He moaned against my mouth and held me tighter. After a short while I pulled back. "I''m sorry," I gasped. "But if we carry on like this, I''ll slowly lose control of myself. And I think there are better places and times than here on a couch at the party. I don''t think we should do this." He pulled back slightly, ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "You''re absolutely right. We shouldn''t do this."

 Chapter 13

    We both stood up, straightened our clothes, although there wasn''t much to straighten. Then we looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. I raised my hand in a strange wave, said "Um, was it nice?", and then turned on my heel.

    ¡°You said something?¡± Valeria burst out laughing. I pushed her on the shoulder. ¡°Don¡¯t laugh, I didn¡¯t know how to handle it.¡± She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. ¡°It¡¯s okay, we¡¯re all still little teenage girls somewhere sometimes.¡± She repeated the gesture with the strand of hair to herself and blushed slightly. I looked at her searchingly. ¡°Aha, my love. So you had a nice evening with the nice birthday girl?" she grinned, but didn''t answer. ¡°Look at us. Yesterday we couldn''t even think about guys, and today we both had an almost wild night." We both laughed. I shivered slightly. We sat outside on a bench on a side street from the apartment. There was more to it than sitting on the cold curb. Selma had already left a while ago, Ariana was just fetching our bags from upstairs, which we had left in one of the residents'' rooms and forgotten, and was probably saying goodbye to Yuma, whom she would see again tomorrow anyway. He wanted to sleep here today so Val and I could both stay at Ariana''s. It wasn''t exactly necessary since he and Ariana had taken up residence upstairs in her parents'' house and we could just sleep in her parents'' old childhood bedroom. But I had the feeling that he wanted to give the three of us the time.

    Most of the guests had already left the party. After my very intimate encounter with Julien, I had looked for Valeria and Ariana and when I couldn''t find them, I sat down with Selma on one of the beanbags at the sides of the dance floor and drank a Coke for a change from the alcohol. We had chatted a bit, but mainly watched the people. Julien''s and my eyes had crossed exactly twice, but he then left pretty quickly. I was later able to find out from Torben that he lived in an apartment in the city with a roommate who had to let him in because he had forgotten the key. Now, admittedly, it was already half past two in the morning. I had actually wanted to say goodbye to him again because I was uncomfortable with how embarrassing it had ended. But he had disappeared too quickly. I then passed the time until Ariana and Valeria were ready to leave. Now the two of us were sitting outside here, half past four in the morning, watching the empty street. From down here, you couldn''t hear anything of the little activity on the roof. "Do you think it''s weird that it''s our last year here?" I asked, putting my arm around Valeria''s shoulders. She let her head sink onto mine and sighed. "Yes, it is weird. I don''t know what will happen after that. But no matter what, I''m already going to miss it." I nodded. "Are you still planning on going to France?" She nodded slowly. Valeria had decided to go to France for a year and take both the language and an intensive course in social psychology. Suddenly I felt a small but heavy lump in my throat. "I''ll definitely come and visit you," I said, swallowing the lump with difficulty. "Then we''ll eat baguette and cheese and you''ll tell me everything you experience in French and I''ll do my best to understand a single word." Valeria laughed and her body trembled slightly next to me. "That sounds great." I closed my eyes and let the cool, yet pleasant air wash over me. I could still feel the alcohol, but it was much weaker and I could think somewhat clearly again.

    I didn''t know what was harder for me right now. Thinking about my future, which was still up in the air and which I had no idea about. Or about meeting Julien this evening, which was both exhilarating and upsetting. Both gave me a slight stomachache. But Ariana saved me from my thoughts as she came towards us with a grin. "Mission completed," she held up our bags. "You''re an angel!" I said and took mine. "Thanks! But from the look of you, you had a great farewell," I grinned and nodded at her slightly disheveled hair. She just shrugged her shoulders. "What can I say, I always want to kiss you." We laughed and walked to the street. Our Uber would be there soon. The plan was that Yuma would drive Ariana''s car home after college tomorrow and I would take her with me in the pickup truck with all the moving boxes in the morning. I hit my forehead. ¡°Oh man, I had almost forgotten about my move. I hope I''ll be in a good enough state to do anything afterward.¡± Valeria linked arms with me. ¡°It''ll be fine, you have your mother, Ariana and Ravi. And I''m sooo happy that you''ll be living closer to me.¡± She gave me a kiss on the cheek and I smiled. Yes, that was true.

    The next morning I had to struggle to get out of bed. In terms of quality, I only had two hours of sleep. I had fallen into bed around half past five, completely exhausted, after spontaneously deciding to sleep at my place instead of at Ariana''s, and the alarm clock had screamed me out of bed mercilessly later. A cold shower and two cups of coffee - the good espresso-strength one - kept me going as I walked outside and saw that Ravi had already loaded all the boxes onto the truck. Oh man, when did he have to get up to do that? My heart warmed slightly. ¡°He''s a piece of gold, isn''t he?¡±, my mother hugged me from behind and also looked outside over my shoulder. ¡°He said last night that you were probably too tired and exhausted to do that and got up earlier this morning.¡± I placed my free hand, without the coffee cup, on her arm. ¡°It''s really great, you picked a good one. I¡¯ll have to remember to thank him in the coming days.¡± I felt her head nod next to me. "I''ll tell them." Then she turned to me, ran her fingers through my curls and pushed them back. ¡°Even though I''m sad, I have to say that I''m very proud of you. You''re doing really great and I''m glad you''re looking forward to it. I think it will be good for you too.¡± I nodded and smiled, touched. ¡°Thanks mom.¡± ¡°By the way,¡± she said as she went into the kitchen. ¡°Your father called. He wishes you the best of luck with your move and wants to get in touch with you this afternoon. He¡¯s back from his trip and feels bad that you haven¡¯t heard from each other in a while.¡± I grinned. ¡°Good, then I have the upper hand.¡±

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    A little later, Ariana and I were sitting in the car, me at the wheel and she in the passenger seat singing along loudly to the radio. This time it was neither Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande nor Ed Sheeran. ¡°Someone like you¡± by Adele filled the entire car and Ariana hit the notes very well. We had been driving for about half an hour when we arrived at the dorm. Since the dorm was not far from our campus, I had already looked around there a couple of times. So I headed straight for the secretary''s office. Ariana said goodbye with a hug because she had to go to a lecture, and that left me alone with the boxes that were only attached with tension straps and that hopefully no one would steal in the short time. It was cool in the building and the air was filled with a scent, like those diffusers that are sometimes found in bathrooms. The secretary''s office was right near the entrance door and when I knocked, I heard a ¡°Come in¡± from inside. The man behind the counter was young, maybe in his early thirties with large black glasses that suited him well. Not many people could wear glasses like that. "Hello," I said a little shyly and smiled. "I''m Bonnie Wagner. I''m moving into the dorm today." He nodded. "Just a moment." Then he typed a few times on his computer and nodded in confirmation. "Yes, here we have you. The deposit for this month has been paid, very good. Everything is ready, you can go into the room right away. It has just been cleaned, the previous tenant moved out yesterday. If anything should happen, you can always come and let us know. Here," he pulled out a sheet of paper containing some documents and a key, "are the handover documents. You can go into the room first and see if you see any damage or anything. Then please enter your name on the list here and sign at the end. Also please sign this handover contract for 10 months, the confirmation of your data and the confirmation that you have received the key." He showed me the documents one by one and then handed me the key almost ceremoniously. "Your room is number 204. Welcome." He smiled and I took the key from him. "Thank you very much! Should I sign everything right away then?" He shook his head. "You can bring the documents later, we''re not that strict about it here." He winked with his left eye. I nodded, smiling, and went back outside with another thank you. It wasn''t as warm as it had been the last few days. It had gotten milder, but it was still warm enough for a T-shirt. I went back to the car and looked at the online map that I had found. Then I picked up my bag and the first box and made my way to another entrance further ahead, which was labeled with a large 2. Inside there was a small entrance area and a sign hanging from the ceiling. Apart from the room allocation, a rooftop terrace, a common room, a games room and several kitchens and bathrooms were excellent. So we would probably share bathrooms too. I sighed briefly, but didn''t let it dampen my elation. I followed the sign that showed room numbers 201-250. I thought it would be on the first floor, but I went up a flight of stairs to the first floor and found my door there. My new home, I thought, and then unlocked the door. It was a cozy room. A tiny hallway led further back into a fairly large room that was already furnished with a bed, a closet and a desk. There was even a bedside table. I cheered with joy when I saw that there was a bathroom next to the small hallway. It was tiny, but it was my only one. Grinning, I took a video of the room while it was still tidy. I would send it to my parents and the girls later. I put headphones in my ears, turned on music to motivate myself, and then lugged the remaining boxes from the car into the room. In the end, there were six boxes scattered on the floor, some individually, some stacked on top of each other. I brushed imaginary dust off my hands and then put my hands on my hips with a satisfied nod. "Very, very good," I muttered to myself and collapsed onto the bed.

    I didn''t have my next lecture until around three in the afternoon, so I still had about two hours. At first I thought about whether I should clear out my boxes, but then decided to use the time to get an overview of the dorm. I walked down the hallways. There were posters, decorations and bulletin boards on the walls with information about events, tutoring opportunities or student organizations. Plants lined the hallway at regular intervals and added a nice green natural feel. At the end of the hallway was a thoroughly light colored room that turned out to be a common room. Couches and armchairs were arranged in a circle, a television hung in the back corner, and the walls were lined with large windows that let in lots of light. Everything went well together in terms of color, bright white and beige tones. But from a fashion perspective, it was a mixed bag. Some looked like they were from our grandparents'' time, and others could have come from an interior design magazine from that year. All in all it had charm and felt very cozy. Currently the hallways and rooms were empty as most of them seemed to be in lectures or courses. I only heard a few students coming from the hallway or other floors.

 Chapter 14

    Next to the common room there was a staircase that led down. It was small but easy to walk on. My exploration took me past the kitchens - all clean but with a colorful mix of dishes thrown together, bathrooms for men, women and unisex, into the games room, which was rather dark in contrast to the few common rooms, but was equipped with a bar, a table tennis table, several couches and beanbags and a TV. What I noticed immediately was that the dorm as a whole had a very personal touch. It was not sterile and empty, but instead there were photos of people on most of the walls, sayings that were supposed to be motivating or funny, pictures of nature, green plants in pots in almost every room, and posters were hung up. It was really nice and I liked it. It had a very personal and cozy feel. My last stop was the roof terrace. I still had about an hour and that should be enough. In fact, there was even a small elevator, which I took with a slightly guilty conscience. But the roof terrace was on the fourth floor and I didn''t really want to rush up there. When the door pinged open, I ran to the door, opened it and then stood there, surprised and overwhelmed. It was so beautiful. A small stone staircase led to the raised terrace, on which several tables, chairs and benches were scattered together. Here too there was even a couch, but it was carefully covered with a blanket and protected from dirt. But what overwhelmed me were the sheer number of plants that were on the floor, hanging from the walls or dangling from wooden lattices that were set up like a canopy over the entire terrace. Here too, the corners were bordered by a wall about knee-high with a railing on top. At the far left end there was a tiny house with a window in the door. It suggested that this was where the plant care utensils were kept. I walked slowly across the terrace, amazed.

    The wooden frames looked like a kind of corridor, hung with plants upon plants and flowers. It was really beautiful. Although it was late summer, there were still lots of colors. I recognized some of the plants - ivy, mountain palms, several huge and other smaller Monstera plants, even a small orange tree, and lots of Pholondredon. I was really so positively surprised that someone or several people had created this place, on the roof of a residential building. This little paradise could not be seen from below. It''s a shame, actually. The people down below didn''t know what they were missing. I was just taking one of the leaves of an ivy plant between my fingers when a voice rang out behind me. "You know they''re poisonous or something? Better not put your fingers in your mouth, otherwise you''ll get a rash," she sounded amused. I turned around and there was a girl sitting on one of the armchairs, smoking. As I got closer and noticed the smell, I realized that she was smoking weed. "I don''t know you yet, are you new?" she asked, looking at me. I nodded and sat down in the armchair that was at the same table as hers. ¡°Moved in today. Do you know everyone here?¡± She laughed and pulled on her joint. ¡°No, no, there are easily 150 people living here, I forget faces far too quickly haha. But you seemed like it was your first time up here. And no one who lives here hasn¡¯t been here before.¡± I nodded and looked around again. ¡°It¡¯s really amazing, who did all this?¡± She shrugged her shoulders. ¡°No idea, probably some alumni or professors. I¡¯ve lived here for three years and I just took over. But you quickly become a plant mom here.¡± She looked at the plants with delight. ¡°Do you look after them?¡± She nodded. ¡°Together with a few others. It¡¯s a very relaxed job.¡± She held out her fist for me to punch. ¡°I¡¯m Roxana, by the way.¡± I smiled and punched.

    ¡°Bonnie.¡± She continued smoking and looked into the distance. I looked at her in turn. She had very distinctive facial features and strong eyebrows. There was something about her that fascinated me, maybe her curved lips, maybe the light brown of her eyes, which she emphasized with dark eyeliner. She had a short blonde pixie cut that accentuated her distinctive face shape. Overall, she seemed like a very interesting mix, she wore a lot of make-up, had bright red fingernails and a lot of jewelry, on the other hand she wore baggy fabric pants, boots and a loose T-shirt. She noticed that I was watching her and I quickly looked away. "How are you liking it so far?" she then said, to resume the conversation. I nodded. "Very good. I mean, I''ve only been here since today, but I think it''s cool that there''s stuff hanging everywhere and everything looks a little bit messy. It''s a bit like home." She grinned. "You''re probably right. At my place it was always way too neat, my mother was very fussy. But a place like this has more character, I think." I wanted to continue talking to her, but when I looked at my watch I realized that I would be late for the next lecture. Had I really taken that long again? I said goodbye, ran to my room and quickly gathered my university things. Then I ran to the campus and arrived just in time.

    ¡°It''s good that you''re still on time, if the door is closed, it''s the door,¡± greeted me, called Mr. Hunter, who walked into the room in front of me. I had completely forgotten that I would now have the lesson with him. Oh dear, then I would be bombarded with philosophies again and would have to pay close attention. I thought he had eyes like a hawk. Sometimes I noticed how he looked at me briefly during the courses. It wasn''t creepy or anything, but there was something there that I couldn''t quite interpret. But he would always quickly look away and I would always dismiss the thought of it. I spotted Cece as I often do and sat down next to her. ¡°Well, how are you?¡± I gave her a quick hug and we briefly caught up on the weekend. Her eyes widened when I told her about the party with Julien and she chuckled happily a few times afterwards. Mr. Hunter had already written the topic on the whiteboard and had already started to talk about some points that we had missed. But that wasn''t a bad thing, because it was simply an introduction to the topic. I was able to check that later . I turned to the front again and met Mr. Hunter''s gaze. He looked at me, too intensely for it to be normal. He didn''t look angry, as if he had just caught us and was angry that we had interrupted his lecture. No, there was something different. But once again I couldn''t determine it. The other students are currently working on some task. So no one seemed to notice. ¡°Why is he looking at you like that?¡± Cece asked quietly next to me. ¡°Did you have a party with him?¡± she said with a giggle, but I didn¡¯t smile. This look from the dark eyes gave me goosebumps and I didn''t know how to place it. I looked away when I couldn''t hold it anymore. Then I looked at my laptop and tried to pretend I was doing some work. I was afraid that he would come to us and swear at us. But after a while I heard and noticed him going forward again and leafing through a book. I dared to look in his direction and was relieved when I noticed that he was no longer paying attention to us. Very funny. Like so many things in the last few days.

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    After the lecture, Cece and I sat outside again with lunch, Andre and even Ariana were there too. They only knew each other briefly, but got along brilliantly. It was a completely new feeling that I now lived here, would be here. Every day. The rest of the day was uneventful, after all it was already afternoon and there wasn''t much left to do since it was a Monday. As I had just said goodbye to the others, with the firm plan in mind to go into my room and clear out the boxes and decorate my room to my liking with a bit of Billie Eilish in my ear, a voice came from behind me in the hallway, as I walked along it. I wanted to grab something from the kiosk that was in the entrance hall of our university building. I turned around in surprise. Mr. Hunter stood there and looked at me. It was that intense look again and it was starting to annoy me. I didn''t know how to deal with it and it didn''t seem right to me that he gave his students such confusing looks and empty phrases. ¡°Yes?¡± I asked somewhat reservedly and stopped about two meters in front of him. ¡°Miss Wagner, would you please follow me, I would like to speak to you briefly.¡± He turned around without waiting for an answer from me and walked towards the lecture hall where I had now spent several hours with him and a room full of other students. He motioned for me to sit in one of the chairs in the front row. He himself leaned casually against the desk at the front. ¡°I really like standing,¡± I replied. I liked the different heights of him standing and sitting. He just nodded and then folded his hands in front of his body thoughtfully. ¡°I would like to talk to you about my lectures. "I''ve noticed several times now that you''re very unfocused and don''t want to or can''t pay attention," he looked at me again with that intense look. I just frowned. Why was he so interested in me? After all, it was my grades, not his, that were at stake. ¡°May I ask if you are okay, do you have any problems that are keeping you from concentrating. Maybe sleep problems?¡± I looked into his eyes. The certainty with which he asked this overwhelmed me, as if he knew exactly what he was talking about. But that wasn''t possible. I cleared my throat. "No I''m fine. I can not complain. I''m sorry I haven''t paid that much attention before. I''m going to put some effort in it." I was just nodding a kind of farewell, a closure to this conversation, when he quickly said: ¡°If you need help, please feel free to contact me. Maybe it will help to talk about it or get some tips.¡± I look at him slightly strangely. It was strange that he tried to trust me when we barely knew each other. He had only had me during courses a handful of times. What did he think I was going to tell him - my whole life story?

    "Thank you, I''m fine. I''ll pay more attention in the future." With these words I turned around and was clearly about to leave when he said: "Do you ever wonder what kind of seat you have?". I turned back to him in a flash. He looked thoughtfully at the floor, but he seemed focused, as if he knew exactly that I was there. "Excuse me?" I asked, feeling as if I didn''t understand something that was obvious. He sat up calmly and looked at me again. "Do you ever wonder what reality you could live in if it wasn''t yours?" I just looked even more confused. He added: "That was the task in class today. I thought you hadn''t been paying attention. Maybe you can think about it until next class." With these words he turned back to the whiteboard and I was dismissed without a word. I left the room and ran to one of the side corridors, clutching my laptop bag, my heart pounding. It wasn''t just the disturbing presence that Mr. Hunter exuded. It was more the fact that I had heard these words before. They seemed so familiar, but I wasn''t quite sure when or where I knew them from. I breathed loudly and felt dizzy. Please not again, I thought in panic and quickly took a strong ibuprofen as a preventative measure. I swallowed the small white tablet without a sip of water and tried to calm my pounding heart and my breathing. What was going on? All these mystical men in my life.

    Luckily the headache had stopped, the dizziness was still there, but it didn''t stop me from going into my room and falling onto the soft sheets. It was wonderfully soft and smelled like detergent. I sighed and put my pillow over my head for a moment, trying to block out the world for a moment. But that only resulted in me being able to hear my blood rushing in my ears and I put it back under my head. My boxes were quickly cleared out and I spent the evening looking at the white ceiling where I could see the streaks of white paint and racking my brain about everything, the last few days, the university, and Mr. Hunter''s words . ¡°What reality if this were not mine?¡± I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how my reality could be different. Maybe if I didn''t have my parents as parents. If my friends were different, if perhaps I had been born different and someone completely different. What if I were someone else? Like Matrix, I thought with a snort. A world hidden from us, which we could not see or touch, but which we knew existed. I was rubbing my forehead when I suddenly realized my hand was tingling. Why was she tingling? It felt like I had been sitting on it for too long and the blood flow had been cut off. The tingling became more and more intense, as if the blood was about to flow back into my numb hand. The feeling spread from my fingertips, across my fingers, the inside and outside of my hand, and up my wrist. I wanted to raise my hand and slap my other hand against it, which always made me feel like it would make a difference. But then I noticed that my other hand was starting to tingle too. It quickly went from strange to unpleasant. I wanted to raise my hands, but they no longer obeyed me. The feeling again, a sweet and sour taste, moved up my arms, over my shoulders and reached my chest. It continued to eat its way down my stomach, hips and thighs until it soon filled not only my toes but also up my head towards the top of my head with this feeling. I felt like I was electrified and vibrating. I wouldn''t have been surprised if I had picked up a few seconds later. I didn''t want to feel this feeling, it was uncomfortable, almost painful. I wanted to get angry and say something, but I couldn''t. It was like my body no longer belonged to me. And then I fell. I fell and fell, falling through my bed, further and further down, through the ground floor, through the earth, the first layers of earth, until I almost reached the core of the earth. The feeling of falling didn''t want to end until it did and I landed hard and roughly somewhere. Everything hurt, but I quickly realized that nothing seemed broken because after the first brief shock I was able to sit up again and look around.

 Chapter 15

    It was the familiar scene again, the forest, the sea, the sky, the road. I knew all of it already, it was within reach and now so familiar that it almost made me shudder again. But this time it felt different. It wasn''t that intangible feeling that I wasn''t really here, that I was more like a ghost without a body. This time it really felt like I was here. A human being made of flesh and blood. A me that could see, sense, touch and taste. I looked down at myself. I was wearing that long white dress again that I probably wouldn''t have worn normally, and I was barefoot. Of course. But this time I felt the fabric of the dress right on my skin, I felt my hair blowing around me, I also felt the pain that the now rough ground represented under my feet. I was about to call out "Hello" when I realized how silly that was. I was obviously in a place where no one else seemed to be. Who else would just randomly walk through a forest or on a street? Since I didn''t know what else to do, I went to the street like I had done the times before, looked to the right and left and then followed the road on the left shoulder in the direction that led somewhere to my left. I had no idea where this place actually was. But to be honest, I hadn''t really given it much thought until now. The sun burned on my skin and the asphalt burned under my soles. "Great, I''m on summer vacation and it''s as hot as here," I grumbled. I knew that it was probably not appropriate to have such thoughts right now, since I had just landed out of nowhere from my bed in the dorm to this place on a rock. I couldn''t explain it, but some tiny feeling in my stomach whispered to me that there was an explanation. And this feeling and my own attempts to distract myself with trivial things calmed me down. I continued down the road, wondering how I was going to get out of here. I had neither a cell phone nor a map on me, nor any object that wasn''t on my body. Even a hat would have been useful now.

    The last few times, my sleeping self had apparently brought me back and I woke up. But something told me that this time it wasn''t so easy, because it felt much more real. But this could also just be a dream. What else could it be? I had to be dreaming. People couldn''t teleport, couldn''t just disappear. That wasn''t possible. I laughed at myself for a moment when I heard that humming again. It was in the distance and I knew it by now. But then I realized that this time I could think and reason more clearly. I knew what was going to happen, didn''t I? I knew that the car would drive past me very quickly. That there would be a woman, a man and a child inside. And they would... I stopped myself in my own thoughts, turned around and started jumping and waving my arms. "Hey," I called, even though I knew they were too far away. They couldn''t hear me at all. But it only encouraged me further. "Hey," I called again, waving my arms wildly and even briefly considered running into the road and blocking their path. They wouldn''t run me over, would they? But I didn''t. This dream felt so real that I couldn''t be sure that I wouldn''t die if this car saw me too late and couldn''t brake.

    It was getting closer and closer. It was about to pass me and I kept waving my arms. Then it happened, it passed me, this time at normal speed and I could swear they saw me. In a matter of seconds I could see that the man had turned his head towards me. I also saw that the car was slowing down, but then I also saw what could no longer be avoided. It happened again and this time I even saw it first hand. The car headed straight for a tree that was too far in the way. He was at the edge of the road, but the branches hung so low that they were already touching the ground. The car seemed to notice it too late, tried to avoid it and crashed into the stone wall on the other side of the road at full speed. I heard the bang and saw the front of the car dent with the force. I saw stones being thrown out of the small wall.

    ¡°Damn,¡± I cursed loudly and ran off again. This time I felt the aching ground beneath my feet, felt the cold breath in my lungs and the sun burning on my head and my skin. But none of that made any difference. I knew I had to go to this family. I had to help them, I wanted to support them. Do whatever I could do, even if it wasn''t much. I ran and ran and got there. The woman was already lifting the man''s body out of the car, she was crying loudly. ¡°Oh no,¡± she cried, and she screamed as the blood I had seen before spread beneath the man''s body and flowed to her knees. I scurried next to her, dropped him to the floor, and put my fingers on his neck. I didn''t feel a pulse, there was nothing. With a clarity that I didn''t have before, I knew what I had to do. I pressed my hands against the middle of the man''s body and began to press on his chest with all my strength in a steady rhythm, massaging his heart. The woman next to me was still making wailing noises, but she let me do it. I didn''t know whether it was because of her own helplessness or because she barely realized me. I kept going, I broke out in a sweat and at some point my eyes also filled with tears because of the effort and the sadness that I also felt, which the woman next to me was radiating. After I pressed on the chest over and over again, nothing happened. I didn''t want to give up, but my arms couldn''t take it anymore. The man didn''t move, he didn''t react and I knew at that moment that he never would either. My arms were too weak and I couldn''t make a single movement. Cih let go of him. ¡°Don¡¯t stop!¡± the woman then shouted at me. She pushed me aside and continued in my place. Everything hurt, I was filled with the same helplessness that I had just seen in the woman''s eyes. Guilt and the feeling of being useless overwhelmed me. But I still managed to pull myself together, take the cell phone from the woman''s hot pants pocket and call the emergency doctor. The doorbell rang and I explained in a frantic, panicked manner what had happened. But the woman on the other end seemed to understand what I was saying and I was grateful to her for that. She tried to reassure me, but when that was in vain, she confirmed that help was on the way and I then hung up. I would only later realize that both she and the woman had spoken English. ¡°Mom?¡± I then heard a voice from the back of the car. She was behind me. She still saw the reddish-blonde hair, didn''t think about it and wrapped the little girl in her arms, burying her face in my waist so that I blocked her view of the man who I assumed was her father. ¡°Don¡¯t look,¡± I said, stroking her hair.

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    A short time later, the street, which had previously been so deserted and empty, was filled with noises, red and blue flickering lights and busy people in uniforms who were working in such a coordinated manner that I could only marvel. But at that moment I was feeling a little numb anyway. Two ambulances and a police car had arrived. The woman was still clinging to the man who, despite all the rescue workers'' attempts, could only confirm as dead. Her sobs and lamentations were heartbreaking and tears flowed down my cheeks as I sobbed quietly. But I tried to control myself so that the girl could remain in the dark for a little while longer. Just that little while.

    The paramedics covered the body in a black cover, which they laid on a stretcher and rolled to the car. The woman was sitting on the street so lost that it broke my heart. Two paramedics tried to calm her down, but it seemed as if she didn''t hear them. When she then raised her head and saw us, something suddenly flashed in her eyes. She stood up, came towards us and pulled the little girl away from me. Then she put her behind her to protect her and pointed her finger at me. "You!" she screamed at me. I was completely taken aback and just looked at her. "You!" she repeated and her eyes would have killed me if they could have. "You distracted him , if you hadn''t been standing on the street he would have seen the tree sooner. You distracted him," she screamed and her words stabbed me like a knife through my heart. It was my fault? I should have done that? "Without you he would still be here." She was sobbing and hiding her face with her hands. I didn''t know what to say. "It was you!" she screamed again and suddenly came towards me, grabbed me and shook me violently. "I''m sorry!" I cried, not knowing what else to say. "You!" she screamed again and before I could do anything or avoid her, I saw her swing and then her hand hit me in the face so hard that it took my breath away. The blow made my head fall to the side... and then I fell out of bed.

    I sat sobbing on the floor of my room, my arms wrapped around my legs and crying into the crook of my arm. Everything, whatever it was, was completely overwhelming me. All of the events felt so real that I didn''t know if they were. Had I taken some drugs on purpose that made me hallucinate? Was it the stress of university and everything that went with it that sent my brain astray? Or were they really just nightmares, or a dream that I kept dreaming over and over again. Was my subconscious trying to process something that I didn''t know? My head was spinning and when my tears dried up, my hand stopped shaking and my pulse calmed down, I went to the bathroom like I had done so many times before, took a cool shower that cleared my head and my thoughts and stayed under it for a while. I was sure I didn''t want any of this anymore. It was just too much and too tiring to have to worry about having another nightmare like that again when I went to sleep. I even briefly considered whether I was pregnant because I had heard that it also gave you nightmares. But I quickly dismissed this idea. The timing doesn''t fit. It must have been stressful. But things couldn''t continue like this. When I was back in bed, I googled for a therapist near here.

 Chapter 16

    Julien

    Outside, the rain lashed against the window and had a calming effect on me. I stood with my shoulder leaning against the frame of the window and looked outside. The streaks of water ran down the pane in stripes. I closed my eyes halfway, it was almost sleepy.

    "How is it?" asked a voice from behind me and I turned my head. It was Caleb, he had combed his wet hair back and was looking around the room. It was quiet, it was always so quiet. Only the beeping of the machines could be heard. It wasn''t always monotonous, but very similar. The beeping of 20 machines. Always the same. I rubbed my face. "It''s raining, so we should open the locks and use the lower space in the bucket so we can collect more. We don''t know when it will rain again. He nodded slowly and tapped something on his hand pad. "It''s really necessary. But I meant more, how are you?" He looked at me again and came towards me. I looked away, unable to make any gaps under his inquisitive gaze. "I''m fine." He put his hand on my shoulder in a friendly way and squeezed lightly. I was grateful for this small gesture, which did me good. Today had actually been a good day, the meetings had been positive, it had started to rain and someone had woken up again last week. Today we got the results of the first examination test and they looked really good. We were more than lucky that we had managed to make sure the person was OK. I hadn''t seen her yet, it was supposed to be a girl who had gone to the same high school as me back then. "You should cry a little too," Caleb said. I had almost forgotten he was there. "Yeah, I should." I wiped my face again and then took one last look at the bed. This one bed that had been this of many. What had started at 50 was now only 20 and that was an achievement we could be really proud of. This one bed was what kept me going. Or rather the person who was lying in it. I nodded as if to confirm it again and then followed Caleb out of the room. We walked down the dark corridors and hardly met anyone. Many of the others were in the dining room, as it was lunchtime. But I wasn''t really in the mood for company. So I said goodbye to Caleb and headed towards the jetties. I had been there a lot recently, I could think better there than in the library, where there were always other people, whose presence alone made me feel oppressed, and I couldn''t really go to my room either, as Henry was always there, who often let me think and read or research in peace, but I still preferred the jetties. Because there was this very small niche where no one else was and I could read without being held back, research on my hand pad or just think. And I had really researched, looked up, read and more in the last few months. I just wanted to find Heike''s solution to the problem that probably couldn''t exist. This solution that had danced under our noses so many times and that we still couldn''t grasp. Of course it was just one of many problems we had, but it was still the most important thing for me. And I had to admit, it annoyed me that the other committees didn''t pay more attention and give it more importance. But all these meetings had at least had an effect, I could see that. Our care in this "base", as they liked to call it, was really different now than it was a year ago. A year when everything in the world was still upside down, nobody knew what was going on. And so we could really be happy about how far we had come. And the fact that more than half of the selected group had already woken up again calmed them down and redirected the focus back to things that needed more attention. As long as the patients were alive, everything was probably okay.

    I grabbed the book I was currently reading about the human organism from my room and then went to the Lang''dung Bridges. My room was on the way, so it was really a good idea. I spent the next few hours leafing through the book and taking notes. I used the pen that I always carried with me to mark things, write notes and underline sentences. It had been really frustrating how useless you could feel just reading books when there were people out there and in here who needed you. And yet I couldn''t let it go. Not while the person most important to me was still in a coma and just wouldn''t wake up. She was fine, I didn''t want to complain at all. But I found it difficult to remain calm, with no sign of improvement. And that after so many months. However, the doctors had repeatedly emphasized that everything was in order and that I should be patient. But after all, she had completed almost all of her medical studies. So I knew what the doctors always said to the families of the victims or patients. I chew on my pen as my watch securitized. I tapped it and Hollow''s face appeared as a hologram. ¡°Hey, where are you? We need to do the dimensions here. I need you. ¡°Today I got incompetent team members again,¡± she said these words with a look at the screen. I couldn''t see who she was looking at, but she didn''t look happy. ¡°Oh shit,¡± I said and jumped up. ¡°Is it that late already?¡± She nodded and I promised her that I would come to the harvest halls immediately. Then I went to my room, stowed my book in the drawer under the desk as usual, put on my overalls for work early and set off. I took the elevator, which we weren''t supposed to use very often to save electricity, but it was faster. I had my belt strapped on, which had pockets hanging on it with a thermometer, pencil, my hand pad and other things that I would need. When I arrived at the harvest halls, it was already well filled. There was at least one person in each row. It was late summer, so I knew the harvest was coming and preparations were in full swing. Food had become such an important commodity that no one treated it lightly or even wanted to waste anything. Speed and precision were therefore required so that the food could be transported undamaged and complete for preparation and storage as quickly as possible. ¡°There you are,¡± said Hollow when I arrived. Although she tried to sound stern, she smiled at me and pointed to two young men, Mouaz and Lionel. Great, that really wasn''t a good choice, the two of them were known to work together, just fooling around and hardly doing any work. So everyone should know not to put them together. But apparently someone wasn''t paying attention during the planning. They were laughing about something and punching each other in the stomach. ¡°You see, I need you?¡± Hollow said, handing me one of the spades she was holding in her hand. I sighed and we walked to one of the front rows where I knew potatoes were grown. Overall, the halls were a brilliant concept. Various foods were grown in around 100 rows; the soil was artificially created but kept clean from the outside world. The climate was warmer than in the other parts of the base, but it was still not uncomfortable. The halls ran upwards like a large half-enclosed metal cave to control the sunlight since not all foods could tolerate that much sun.

    We took measurements from the topsoil and wrote down the data. Hollow typed and I read from the meter. The work was always easier and faster when done in teams, so most tasks were always assigned to at least two people. I enjoyed working with Hollow, she was about ten years older than me, funny and a pleasant person. She didn''t ask too many questions where she could tell you didn''t want to answer them. She was one of those people you could comfortably stay silent with. We made good progress. The goal was to do at least ten rows a day and to repeat this throughout the duck season to make sure the pH levels, water amounts, sunlight levels and more were correct for the types of food. We simply couldn''t afford crop failures and dead food. The rationalization and deliberate action must have given us all a boost." "Catalium value is normal," I said and Hollow wrote it down next to the potatoes. "How is she?" she asked as we stood up and headed for the forward section. I hesitated for a moment and then shrugged my shoulders with a sigh. "Unchanged. Well, it''s my own fault that I can''t be here more often." She looked at me with pity. "You''re doing your best, and you can''t do much anyway." I pressed my lips together and nodded. She was right, even if I would have liked to do and hear something else. I had decided about two months ago to be transferred to this division. In the beginning, when everything had broken out, it had been too chaotic anyway and... Back then they had already asked me if I wanted to work with the hospital team. Since I was a good candidate with my almost completed medical degree, I had agreed and took the task very seriously. But when the big incident with the pills came and about 50 students were affected - including her - I couldn''t believe it. I had put all my energy into solving the problem after they had all fallen into a coma. I had spent days and nights concentrating my energy and focus. As a result, I had neglected everything else. I had forgotten about the people who were awake and needed help here at the base. I still felt guilty when I thought about it. But then it hadn''t been a problem when I wanted to be transferred. They seemed to have enough help and so it had been easy and quick. At the beginning, Hollow, who was also my team leader, had had to introduce me to the topic of food and harvesting and everything around it, since I had next to no knowledge. I remembered that my mother had had a garden a long time ago and had explained some things to me as a child. But that was it.

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    But she had shown a lot of patience and I now enjoyed the tasks with her. It felt good to contribute. Everyone here on base had to do their part to make it work. I knew that there were around 500 of us and the system, which was still fragile, only worked as long as everyone participated. Even the children, who had drawn the sad fate of having to go through such experiences at a young age, understood this. Fear of death, hunger, war, fighting and basically the end of the world as we knew it. ¡°What about the PH value in section 2b?¡± Hollow asked and I read the value. She repeated this question a few more times for offending sections. I felt like she was trying to distract me and it worked. We spent about two hours reading the values in rows 1-14, writing them down carefully and then later using the handpad to save them into the cloud file. Then it was time and I walked with her and about twenty others from the harvest hall towards the dining hall.

    As we stood in the hall, Caleb and Caspar, his brother, came over to us. Caleb briefly put his arm around Holow''s waist. And kissed her. I didn''t know how long this had been going on between the two of them, but I knew that it was a good fit. That''s what everyone who knew Caleb and Holow thought. Before I started my job in the harvest division, Duarte Caleb worked with her. He had now been transferred to the reconnaissance unit. I was a little jealous, but I was furious that he had been a military man in his other life and therefore had the experience needed to go out into the outside world and get the necessary information and things there. "I wonder what''s for dinner today?" asked Caspar, sniffing the air curiously. "Pancakes with apple sauce or ham," said Hollow and grinned at him. His eyes grew large and he licked his lips. "You''re always well informed," he then said. We waited a while before moving further forward. The hall was already quite full and you could hear the sounds of people eating, laughing, talking and clattering their dishes. People were sitting at countless tables. Not all of them were full because the schedules meant that not everyone would eat at the same time. That was not possible logistically. We put food on our plates when it was our turn. I took 5 straight away because I was really hungry. "Leave some for the other belly, you greedy one," said Capser, grinning. He himself had piled up at least 8. We then looked for a corner of the table where there was still space. We sat down and shoveled the food in. Hollow and Caleb chatted, Casper typed something on his hand pad and I just concentrated on the food. It tasted pretty good - of course not how I remembered it from before, but still not bad. And they made a point of doing so, in other words they were fulfilling their purpose.

    "There''s going to be a big meeting tomorrow," said Caspar, who was apparently reading off the black digital sheet that always contained the latest information and which everyone was advised to read regularly. "But is the quarterly meeting not until next week?" I asked, confused. HE just shrugged his shoulders. "It seems to be a different meeting. I have no idea, they only wrote "Good news. Please come if possible" as the note. I frowned. It was unusual for there to be meetings outside of the company. Here, everything was well thought out, planned and considered. There was a strict plan that everyone had to stick to every day. This routine was almost never interrupted. The last time was when our board member and founder died and a spontaneous memorial service was held. "Because people should still hold on to their traditions," they said. "When is that tomorrow?" I asked Caspar. He shrilled and zoomed in on his small screen in thanks. "Tomorrow at two o''clock." I groaned in unison with Caleb. "Tomorrow is shooting and readiness training," he then explained to Hollow Song, who seemed to understand immediately. The program had been started by some of the former military soldiers. It was voluntary and trained anyone who wanted to in basic information and exercises in shooting, survival skills and emergency preparedness. I had already been taking part there for a few months and didn''t want to miss a single one before the final exam, which was supposed to show what you had learned. It would be at the end of the year and could enable you to go on missions into the outside world. And to be honest, I couldn''t wait to get out of the walls of this base, which were glass but still locked. Not while she still hadn''t woken up. "Surely you can skip it tomorrow, right?" asked Caspaer. I shook my head. "We only have them twice a week and we have a specific time for them. Otherwise nobody ever has time." Schanz clearly shared my disappointment. "Maybe I can get an extra session done," Caleb said. I nodded gratefully. Although Caleb was older than me, he and I were on the same wavelength, which I liked. I also got on well with Capsar Versand, who was my age, but he sometimes had his head in the clouds. And that could be dangerous these days. Times had changed and sometimes I had the feeling that Capsar hadn''t fully understood that yet.

 Chapter 17

    ¡°And now Julien,¡± said Xavier, who stood on the mat with a sweaty forehead and spotted me in the group and then waved me over. I stood up nimbly and went to him on the mat under the gaze of the other fifteen young people. Our fighting instructor was well trained and an incredibly good fighter. I had noticed this several times now when I had seen him in several fights. Both the fights for Treianin purposes and those for fun. He went into an attack position, his hand acting as if he was lying in wait. I didn''t put my left foot back, tensed my muscles and put my two fists in front of my face, as he had shown us so often. We started moving, circling each other slowly. The mat wasn''t particularly big, so I had to look where I was standing without taking my eyes off Xavier. He went one step forward and instinctively moved one backwards. But then I took my position again. ¡°Come on, attack,¡± he urged me. I waited a moment for a good moment, and when I saw an opportunity, I put my hand forward and touched him on the side of the body. It was only light because he quickly reached out, but he looks at Erich with appreciation. ¡°Very good.¡± We started circling each other again and he landed two hits, one with his elbow and one with the back of his foot. Cih wasn''t fast enough to get out of the way. Then he lunged forward, punching my side, grabbing me when I was inattentive. After a short struggle I managed to free myself and, panting, I stood in front of him again. We continued the fighting dance for a while, he landed a few hits and I landed a few. I knew he was holding back a bit because Occitan had seen how good and skilled he could be. But I also knew that he wanted us to make an effort in this trianing to recognize our own opportunities in the opponent and to use them. ¡°Okay,¡± he also gasped, after we wrestled each other to the ground several times but were always able to successfully defend ourselves. ¡°Now let¡¯s go one step further. "Parker, it''s your turn, so look carefully," he said in the direction of one of the Andersen boys. Then he went to the edge of the room and picked up four small objects. When I recognized silver objects with handles, I was briefly shocked. Knife? Was he serious? But then he bent the tip with his hand. ¡°Rubber,¡± he explained. I nodded and he handed me two of the four rubber knives. I was surprised where he got these from, because they were certainly very difficult to find. He probably already had it. I had once heard that he had probably been a martial arts trainer in his old life too.

    ¡°Come on, try to stab me,¡± he then said to me. I pulled out my dummy knives and went back into attack position. He did the same and this time we didn''t move around each other. The way of fighting had changed. From the art of fighting it has become a deadly game. If these knives were real, and one of us could land a hit with them, we could seriously injure or even kill the other. And even though it was just Gimmi now with our trainer, who skillfully dealt with us as students, he still warned us over and over again that things were different in the real world when someone was out to kill us. I stabbed forward with my knife, but he saw it coming and hit the inside of my arm with his hand. I dropped the knife. He pulled me forward and not a second later held the knife to my throat. He aimed the other at my book. ¡°Do you see how quickly things can happen if you¡¯re not prepared?¡± The others nodded, impressed, and he let go of me again. Xavier showed us some exercises with me as a partner. He knocked the knife out of my hand so often, theoretically stabbed me, and also threw me to the ground so often that I ended up with muscle pain and my face was running with sweat. He then dismissed me to sit back down and started giving Parker a hard time. I sank down on the cool ground and watched the two of them. I was so exhausted but it felt really good. ¡°You were really good,¡± a girl whispered to me. I looked at her and I recognized her, she was also in one of the harvest divisions. Runa? I wasn''t sure anymore. She smiled at me with a wink and she smiled back. When I imagined her eyes lighting up slightly, I quickly looked ahead again. She was pretty and she seemed nice too. But I wasn''t interested in making girls feel like I might be interested in them. Not today, not tomorrow and never. The only one who kept filling my thoughts and putting a lump in my throat and rubbing despair into me was her. At that moment she was lying in her bed, as usual, oblivious to all the things that were going on here.

    I fell into bed completely exhausted after combat training was over and we had time to shower and get ready. I had to admit that it was a privilege that we were allowed to do such additional courses and things. Not everyone could take part, because there was simply not enough capacity. There had been a selection process and I was lucky to have passed. I probably had my father to thank for that, who used to take me to his sports. He had been obsessed with fitness and so I had developed a level of fitness over the years as an adult that I had never lost. "Please don''t snore so loudly today," said Henry from his side of the room. I threw one of my pillows in the general direction of THE darkness where I thought he was. I knew I had hit someone when I heard an "ouch." "I don''t snore," I protested, laughing. He just grumbled and then must have fallen asleep, because it was quiet. I lay down and, as always, reviewed the day and thought about what I could and wanted to do tomorrow. I hadn''t managed to stop by the hospital ward after training this evening, so I wanted to leave early in the morning. Tomorrow the harvest departments would be measured again, but that was going to be relaxed. My thoughts drifted away and my eyes became heavier and heavier until I couldn''t stop them from sleeping.

    The next morning, the familiar, ever-present female voice woke us up with the saying of the day.

    "Good morning everyone, welcome to this new day. Please get ready and up for a new productive and great working day. I wish you all to be blessed and take care."

    Henry was already brushing his teeth and seemed motivated when I got out of bed. "What are you doing today?" I asked him. "Running circuits," he said with his mouth full of zanpasta, but I''m sending him off anyway. Henry was in the power supply division, which consisted of constantly taking measurements, repairing damage and errors, and constantly gathering new ideas on how to make power supply more economical and efficient. I knew that it was a large and important division, as they dealt with everything from the solar panels to the base''s own wind turbines. There had even been a two-day power outage once while I was living here. Since then, they had expanded this division and Henry, as a former fourth-semester engineering student, had been called in. "Don''t forget that there''s a meeting in the community hall today," I told him and he nodded. That didn''t seem to be news to him. When he was finished, he nodded briefly at me and then disappeared. With Germany, I was still unsure if he was actually my friend or just my roommate. With Afnaga, I always thought he didn''t like me until I realized that that was just how he was. It was his way of being slightly reserved, sometimes even almost dismissive. But he did that with everyone, so I realized that it wasn''t me. I get along well with him, he was neat, dutiful and very organized. Sometimes he even reminded me of my own appointments, which were even written on my hand pad. In general, we both met a group of people with our roommates that we liked.

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    When I was finished, I walked towards the hospital ward with my work stuff, my hand pad and my lucky charm, the little frog clasped in my hand. He was twenty on the floor, making him one of the highest. The driver was quick and I immediately went into the familiar room, which was bright and flooded with light. The familiar beep, the many beds, some with curtains around them or some open, and the smell of disinfectants and medication. The sounds and the surroundings were now so familiar to me that I no longer thought about turning left again and right twice until I found the bed between the beds in a back hallway where I had already sat and read so many times , talked, waited and yes, even prayed. I wasn''t religious, but in this situation I accepted all the help I could get. And another day would pass while I waited. It had been going on for so long that I was starting to no longer know when it started. I put my things down on the chair that was between her bed and the roommate. Then I sat on the edge of the bed and gently tucked one of her curls behind my ear. Her eyes were closed as always, her breathing was deep. She was on a breathing machine, but it was only for emergencies. Since she was breathing on her own, I was very relieved that she didn''t need it yet. I knew that there were worse cases in this room. But she was strong. That''s how I knew her from before and even this changed, infinitely frustrating situation couldn''t change that. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She didn''t react. Of course not. She never did that. But her forehead was warm, as was her hand, which I took in mine and stroked tenderly. ¡°How are you today?¡± I asked her. At first I always felt silly saying those words when it was so obvious. But it had now become a kind of ritual. The words I always used to start our conversation. There was something disturbing and calming about it for me.

    "You look good. Your hair has grown longer again. Maybe I should ask the hairdresser to come and cut it shorter for you. Otherwise you''ll look like a red-headed Rapunzel when you wake up." I laughed briefly, then had a lump in my throat. If you wake up, I felt for you in my thoughts and immediately felt ashamed of it. "I had training again last night, like always. Xavier said that I did quite well and that I had a good basis to build on. I mean, the course hasn''t been going on for that long, but it''s fun. And it''s good to keep myself busy. Even in the evenings, when work is over and I need to fill my head." I examined her face. She showed no emotion. I sighed. How many times had I hoped that my words, my touches and my kisses would wake her up again? How many times had I read the same studies over and over again that said that talking was good for patients and that they... Could help to come to one''s senses again. Or to want to come to one''s senses again. But in vain. This state had been like this for a year and a half now. All patients had been examined sufficiently and were still under constant observation. The many cases in which the others woke up showed that it was to be hoped and expected that they would all wake up again. I gently stroked her slender knuckles. But one thing was bothering me, which was probably very selfish and which I had not dared to think about in Afghanistan. But I was afraid that she would wake up and not remember me. That she would open her eyes and not recognize me. It was confirmed that some of the other patients could remember everything that had happened up until the time when everything started and chaos broke out. But for many others it was a complete blackout and they only had memories of their childhood. A few bad cases even no longer knew who they actually were. And this fear gnawed at me like a flesh-eating viper. She probably didn''t understand all the things I told her anyway. But I had the faint and blind hope that she would at least store some of it in her subconscious.

    I lost myself in my thoughts for a while until the beeping brought me back. I stroked her cheek a few more times, then kissed her forehead again, picked up my things and headed back towards the exit with one last look.

    As always, breakfast wasn''t all that edifying. Proridge with black coffee and some sugar beet syrup. But not always and you were well advised to use it sparingly. ¡°Today we will have to complete sections ak in rows 11 to 15 before the meeting later around noon. I was told there wouldn''t be much time for more this afternoon as the meeting could last longer. We have to do the other five tomorrow too, which means today and tomorrow is the motto - hurry up." I nodded and greedily devoured my porridge. I had noticed that since I did the combat training and the training with Caleb while shooting, my hunger had multiplied. We were also entitled to larger portions if we could prove that we did more exercise, which would also be in the spirit of the community. But still, it was actually just more of the food that you already got anyway. "Quiet, tiger, you don''t want to get sick when we have to bend over and get up all the time afterwards," Hollow commented with a grin. I slowed shoveling the porridge into my mouth. Hollow told me a story about a duck she thought she saw outside. I looked at her with interest. It wasn''t like you could see animals through the windows. These facts were the reason why reconnaissance missions repeatedly took place outside the base. And yet it was strange to see animals from a distance that you once knew as either pets or animals that were closer to you. Than through the glass separation. ¡°Did you know that male ducks have these brown stripes and female ducks have these black ones?¡± she said enthusiastically. ¡°I always didn¡¯t know that, but I never used to worry about it. Nowadays you have to pay attention to your intellectual stimulation so that you don''t sink in." She said it with humor in her voice, but she was right. The work here was monotonous and although it was all important and served its purpose, it could become very routine and monotonous, which had already caused a few people to become depressed. ¡°Well, enough about the ducks, now we have to take care of pumpkins.¡± We took our plates to the counters, grabbed a bottle to drink from the cart and then went back to the harvest hall.

 Chapter 18

    Even though we had been living here for about a year and a half now, I was still fascinated by the construction that formed the basis. It was a huge complex, both underground and on the ground, and at least twenty stories high. They were large halls made of either metal or glass, depending on their use. And each hall served its own purpose. We had amongst others the harvest hall, the eating hall, the training hall, bunkers for the engineering and aquaculture divisions and more.

    The corridors and hallways were all connected by stairs and elevators. There was also a large inner courtyard, around which the floors formed a kind of giant glass atrium. Trees and plants were also planted in the courtyard, like a small private city park. And yet it was filtered air that we breathed, not air that came in directly through a window from outside. Windows in general were not designed to be opened, which is why there were often cases of claustrophobia in the hospital wards. But most people had gotten used to it by now. After all, we had no other choice and almost everyone recognized that. And the few who sometimes still had to struggle or made a fuss were helped as best as possible. I used to always wonder whether you wouldn''t be able to recognize such a huge building from a distance, and whether more people would come and ask for help. But it had never happened that anyone from the outside world came. I was also secretly sure that no one would have let them in, even if the top management had always spoken positively about it. I had always put it down to the fact that the building was probably hidden in the mountains or in the forest. But no one could really explain it. Everyone just accepted it because it was their livelihood and I was sure that most people would have no problem defending it, even if it was at the expense of other people. Fortunately, that had not happened yet and nothing had come of it.

    We then arrived at the harvest hall and we grabbed one of the pads that were larger than our normal hand pad. They were always there and rooms were available because other groups also used them. But they were bigger and easier to deal with the one-liner data we always entered. So it was good that we got one today. Then we went to the corresponding row where we had finished yesterday and, as so often before, took the measurements and wrote down the data in tables. Potassium, potassium, PH value, sodium content, water and sunlight storage and much more. Other groups and E were already busy with work, but it was still relatively empty. The pumpkins we measured today already looked oil-sized and wonderfully orange. I remembered that we used to enjoy pumpkin tea. My mother always had them in her garden and used them to make soup for me and my little brother. I missed her a lot sometimes, but I''ve gotten better at dealing with it. I was also able to better understand why she liked gardening so much. It gave her peace and relaxation. I could now understand that too. I knew that if possible, I wouldn''t be in this division forever and would like to go back to medicine or maybe even go somewhere else. But for now it was exactly right. Hollow and I worked in a consent form silence and it pleasant. We made quick progress and by half past one we had completed all of today''s tasks and rows and then some. We poured water and emptied the bottles in one go. Although it wasn''t hot, the humid air was still hard on you when you worked in it for hours.

    We set off for the community hall a little early because we didn''t want to get caught in a storm of people again. Hollow and I talked about the dishes we knew from the past that could be made from pumpkins. "Pumpkin soup, pumpkin cake, pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread were her ideas. And then she raved about the pumpkin seeds that you always cracked with your teeth in the summer. I grinned and let her stories take me along into the summer that promised no worries and was simply there to be enjoyed.

    When we arrived in the hall, many benches and seats were still free and we looked for a corner further back. The hall was big enough to hold the almost 500 people. Of course, not everyone would come, because there were workers who had important tasks and couldn''t just leave their posts. In addition, there were always people who had to constantly monitor the sick bay and other things. So I expected a good 350 participants. We chatted for a while, as I filled the hall more and more within the ten minutes. Despite the tight schedule in the base for each individual, we could still expect to be late at such large meetings - which rarely occurred - and they usually started about half an hour later than planned. Those who knew this really only came at the last possible moment. Caleb spotted us and sat down next to us. Henry, who was standing nearby with an acquaintance of his, also looked at us and then sat down on the same bench. If you lived in the base, you had seen every person in the competition at least once. And yet, it always happened that at some point you met people and saw faces that you could swear you had never seen before. At that moment, I felt the same way about Henry''s acquaintance, whom he knew from work and who introduced himself as Giuoio. We waited and it got louder and louder around us, the hall was filled with conversations, chairs and benches being moved, and noises like coughing, laughter, clearing of the throat - all in a crowd of around 350 people. But when the meeting opened half an hour later, as predicted, with our chairman Mr. Cambridge coming onto the stage and holding up a microphone, the room immediately fell silent.

    ¡°Hello everyone, thank you so much for showing up in such large numbers.¡± He didn''t need to shout because the microphone was so good that it sent even the smallest and quietest word from him to the farthest corner. His face was projected onto several large televisions that were pulled out from the sides so that I could see his white, gleaming teeth all the way up here. He waved like he was some kind of celebrity, but no one cared. That''s just how he was. He was elected to office after the founder''s death and was able to win over everyone around him with his charm. Cih had seen him in person a few times, but they had always been public meetings. I have never met him individually; he often stayed in the private offices of high-ranking officials. ¡°I hope that you are all doing well and that you had a good and, above all, reductive morning.¡± Cheering and murmurs of agreement rang out. Half the crowd seemed unimpressed by him, the others seemed to be clearly celebrating him. And most people were probably wondering what this meeting meant. And you really had to give him one thing. He always got to the point quickly and didn''t beat around the bush much.

    "My dears, I know how valuable your and all of our time is, so I don''t want to give a long speech and explain to you what we are talking about here today. As I''m sure you all have noticed, the information for today''s meeting said that there was good news. And that''s true, there is very good news." He paused dramatically for a moment to keep the crowd in suspense. "And that is," he then said, "we have found evidence of another base like ours." For a moment it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop to the floor.

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    And then suddenly a loud cheer broke out, many people jumped up from their seats, they clapped, cheered, some even hugged each other. I was briefly overwhelmed because I didn''t really know what to do with this information at that moment. I looked at Hohlk?rper, who formed an "Oh my God" with her mouth, and at Calbe, who grinned and nodded slightly. Of course he knew about it. Caleb was always well informed when it came to information from the outside world. When the crowd had calmed down somewhat and everyone was seated again, the broadly smiling Mr. Cambridge continued. "Yes, that''s exactly how I reacted when the reconnaissance team of our brave and courageous Delta unit told us about it. It''s really great and we''ve already started to discuss plans and procedures for how we could find out about this base and how we could even get in touch with them later if necessary." Some people shouted why they couldn''t do that now, that it would only bring advantages. "I hear you," said Mr. Cambridge soothingly. "But unfortunately we have to proceed with caution because our own base is our highest priority and we have to protect it from all eventualities." Murmurs of agreement could be heard. "Well, I''m glad I was able to share this good news with you all so quickly. Everything will go on as planned for now, the planning is ongoing and of course we want to be open with you. If you have any questions or comments or concerns, you can always contact my fantastic planning team, they will be happy to help you." He spread his arms and nodded again with a broad smile. "Thank you very much!" And with that he waved to the people again and left the stage. Immediately the hall got louder again, the tents chatted excitedly, exchanging their initial thoughts, some sounded enthusiastic, others rather reluctant. "How cool is that, then we''ll be able to see how they live," said one of the people in front of us to his friend. He didn''t seem to agree, but they both got up like most of them and followed the stream that was moving outside. Our row waited until it was emptier. I was tempted to ask Caleb and Hollow what exactly that meant and why everyone was so excited, but I held myself back until we could also get up and look for a room nearby. It was a meeting room, but it was empty and open at the moment.

    Caleb, Hollow, Henry and I stood around a table. Caleb braced his hands and looked at me. "You know that our group always goes out exploring, right?" I nodded. "It''s become more frequent in the last few months and we''ve been able to find out a lot that wasn''t known yet." What?" Henry asked, but Caleb shook his head. ¡°I can¡¯t tell you at this point, but it¡¯s important. In any case, on a recent tour we heard noises near a lake we had just sampled. There were other people who spoke. We then hid and followed them. We wanted to know where they were going. After a while, also in a valley like ours, we discovered where they had gone. It was a basis.¡± He also let the words hang in the room and they built up no less drama than those before in the hall. ¡°What next?¡± I asked impatiently. He crossed his arms over his broad chest. ¡°Well, it was a large complex, a compound with many individual buildings. It was a base. It looked very different from ours, but there seemed to be a lot of people living there, judging by the number of buildings. Not as many as ours, but still a large group. We immediately informalized the board when we came back.¡± He sat down on a chair and we followed suit. I put my hands on the table and leaned slightly toward him. "And? What did you say?¡± Caleb stared at the tabletop, seeming to be concentrating. ¡°Well, to be honest, the general consonance wasn¡¯t the most positive. But they were interested in investigating this further.¡± I nodded slowly. Caleb seemed to want to say something more, but was holding back. I knew him well enough by now to realize that. There may have been questions on the tip of my tongue, but I didn''t want to ask them at that moment because I knew Caleb wanted to be careful. He didn''t know how much he could or should tell us. And finally it wasn''t just me, but also Henry and Hollow in the room. This increased the risk of the information being shared with others by three. So I nodded thinking about what he said that night.

    When we finished the short conversation, Caleb stepped aside for a moment and he gestured to me to wait with him. "There is something I wanted to discuss with you in private." I looked at him expectantly and nodded. He looked around and then said, "But better not here. It would be best if you had some time later, we could meet around 5. In the training hall." I nodded again and then went towards my room. Henry was already there.

    ¡°It was all strange, wasn¡¯t it?¡± he said, scrolling around on his handpad. I just grumbled and then put my work clothes in the closet. I slipped into the normal pants and t-shirt that she always wore. ¡°I don¡¯t know, I¡¯m curious to see what else they¡¯ll tell us or whether there will be further meetings.¡± I thought briefly about what I should do now. Caleb didn''t want to meet until later and I still had some time. Should I go to the jetties again? I was up there almost every day. But somehow it just seemed more important to me to go to the training center and do some more training to make the most of the time beforehand. So I made a quick decision, took my training bag with me and went to the training hall. It was large and designed for all types of sports, except perhaps swimming. There were pillars in the hall around which punching bags were hung. In addition, several fighting rings were untidy and many of the mats on which I understand that Xavier had fought were lying on the floor around them. On the other side of the hall there were large mirrors where I knew dance lessons were also offered. Although these were not generally considered necessary, banners were very welcome by many who wanted to bring a bit of normality back into their everyday lives with such things. I went towards one of the punching bags hung around the pillars. Even though I wasn''t in my training clothes at the moment, I wanted to warm up. At that moment I had such an overwhelming urge to exercise and burn off energy that I didn''t even want to bother changing. I threw my bag on the floor and then stood in front of the bag. I reached out and struck the first blow. The heavy bag moved only slightly. Then I went back into the same attacking stance that Xavier had shown us and acted as if that was my opponent, as if the sack was the cause of all my trouble. I gave the next blow and another. The bag now began to sway, adapting to the rhythm of my strokes. I gave another blow and another and I noticed how the blows hurt, but it felt good. I felt like I was building my willpower through this. The Wiulle who kept me upright and who made me get up day after day. I believed that it could get better, that it would get better. If we just kept working on securing everything here at the base for now, then maybe we could eventually get back out there once we have determined it was habitable and no longer a threat. Actually, if you thought about it, the environment itself had never been the danger as such. But back then we had received so much incomplete or incorrect information that today hardly anyone could say exactly what was involved, who was involved and, above all, how it all got out of hand.

 Chapter 19

    I struck again and again. I believed that she would wake up. She would open her eyes, she would recognize everything and then finally, after such a long time, I could look into her beautiful eyes again. I would see her smile and hear her voice. I hit it again and again. However it all happened, we didn''t know, but it was time for us to look more forward than always into the past. We were all still too afraid to even look outside. But what would it feel like to finally be able to live outside again?

    I hit it again and again until a large hand placed itself on the boxing sinker and stopped it.

    ¡°Hey, tell me, what did that bag do to you?¡± Caleb stood next to him grinning and looking at me questioningly. I hadn''t even noticed that my breathing and pulse had quickened and that I had started to sweat noticeably. My Thaler was already secretly wet. "I thought we didn''t say until around 5," he then said and I nodded. ¡°I wanted to let off some steam beforehand.¡± ¡°I can see that.¡± He laughed. ¡°Well, I still have to teach the little ones for a course, but don¡¯t force yourself. You''re welcome to watch or continue to mistreat this poor bastard." He winked at me and then went to the group of waiting kids who were already standing around a mat in their sports clothes. What had happened in the last few minutes from the serious and concentrated Caleb to the yellow, winking one? I shook my head in confusion and then went to the locker room. I spent the next hour watching the kids go through different fighting techniques while looking at each other and giving tips. Caleb seemed to be a good teacher, he always explained everything in a very simple but understandable way, but he didn''t make you feel stupid if you didn''t understand. I would have liked to have had a teacher like that when I was more into martial arts, I thought. I look around. In general, there weren''t that many people training in Meer Halle at the moment. I suspected that many were either continuing with their work or simply wanted to take the afternoon off to digest what was being said. After an hour had passed, the kids said goodbye to Caleb and went to the changing room in a group.

    "So," I said and went over to Caleb. "Oh," he confirmed and pointed to the bench at the edge of the hall. "Do you want something to drink?" I pointed to my water bottle. "I have, thanks." We sat down and Caleb seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he began. "Listen, what I wanted to talk to you about. You know what we do in our division, right?" I nodded. "

    "You''re always doing missions, measuring external values, looking for resources that we could use, and things like that." Caleb nodded slowly. "That''s correct. But actually, as I mentioned earlier, we also seemed to be after other people. For movements that come from others, be it your own exploration tours, purchases or whatever rooms. Anything that pointed to other people. That''s why what was shared today was so important. We found a base. That in itself is an incredible opportunity. We could contact the people there, we could exchange resources, we could join forces, we could help each other in everything and we would then have allies." "But," I asked, since it was very clearly in the air. Damen just hesitated. ¡°Well, there are also voices on the higher boards questioning whether we should really do that. After all, our base is very well positioned. If the people of the other base see ours, they might think that they want to steal things from us or, in the worst case, even want to take over us completely. ¡°I nodded slowly. ¡°This fear, I assume, is not entirely unfounded?¡±= ¡°We always have to be careful, that¡¯s just part of it. But now no one is quite sure how it will be dealt with. In the meeting before, everything sounded so great and convincing, but in reality no one had any real idea how we should go about it. ¡°I picked up all this information, I processed them and thought about how I should answer. But Caleb beat me to it. ¡°But what I also wanted to discuss with you, which is connected with this, is something else. ¡°Now he looked at me excitedly and I looked back in surprise. ¡°We need a small team to scout the other base. A small, inconspicuous tea that, for example, will not use aircraft, but will travel on foot. The team will also have to sleep outside and get through. The missions can take a long time or end quickly, depending on how you go about it and what the goal is.¡± ¡°Okaaaay,¡± I said, wondering what he was getting at. "I was thinking, maybe you''d like to be a part of it?" He left the question hanging in the air. I remained speechless at first. "I ? Outwards? ¡°But why?¡± I said very unimaginatively. Caleb smiled slightly. ¡°We can suggest people who should then form the team. You are a good option, you have a medical background and are now well experienced in combat and marksmanship. Of course we hope that this wouldn''t have to be used, but it would always be better to have such experiences on hand." I nodded slowly, understanding, but still not understanding. Caleb noticed. ¡°You can think about it until tomorrow, then we want to put the team together for the first time.¡± My mouth fell open slightly. ¡°Tomorrow?¡± He nodded apologetically. "We don''t really have time and the team should get started as quickly as possible." "And you,,,?" "I wouldn''t be there. I have other groups to coordinate that are also important. But you will have an experienced team leader and that will be someone who has been out there many times and knows their stuff." "And how many...?" "8 people should make up the team," he explained quickly.

    ¡°Think about it until tomorrow,¡± he said, patting me on the shoulders and standing up. ¡°Sorry, I have to go again." But if you have any information or something, feel free to get in touch.¡± With these words he left and left me with a decision that I now had to make by tomorrow. How was I supposed to meet her? She really wanted to go outside, she had wanted to for a long time. The reasons why he had thought of me made sense to me and I had to admit that I had also gotten better at fighting. But what should I do with my work? Who would take my position? And what should I do with her? I buried my face in my hands. What if she woke up soon and I wasn''t there at that moment? I wouldn''t forgive myself for that. But I knew deep down that this thing was important and that I could contribute something. The thoughts swirled through my head and gave me a headache. All of these things needed to be considered and I wasn''t sure I could make that decision until tomorrow. But if I allowed myself to briefly think about the possibility, I had to admit deep down that I wanted to do it. I wanted to be on this team, I wanted to accompany the missions out there, I wanted that. Caleb knew it would open up possibilities if we could find out who these people were at the other base. I found myself wondering who else would be on the team and what it would be like to be out of it. Wait a minute1 I hadn''t even said yes yet.

    Frustrated, I grabbed my bag, went to the exit and headed for a destination. It was the landing stage, the place where hardly anyone ever went. And that wasn''t the only one. There was another room on this floor that hardly anyone knew about. It wasn''t used much and had therefore been forgotten and overlooked. But I had discovered it when I was sitting in the alcove again, watching the sun outside and feverishly thinking about what to do with the patient in the ward. The room I now entered was dark. I felt for the light switch to the left of the door, found it and turned it on. The light immediately flickered on, revealing a room that wasn''t all that big, but was decorated in dark colors. On the right-hand side, chairs were stacked on top of each other, draped unused under a blanket. In the middle of the room was a round bench that you could lean on. On the back wall was a large screen. Now it was still free of radiation. But I closed the door behind me, looked in the cupboard for the built-in projector and switched it on. The light came on and I switched off the ceiling light. Then I lay down on the back of the round bench and looked up.

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    There was a picture above me. It was a strong zoom that first showed the Earth. The earth as it once was. Then it zoomed out and showed the sky, then the first planets, then more pictures, then the Milky Way, then the stars and everything was quiet, but I imagined it was a voice explaining to me what I was seeing . It reminded me of how it used to be. I once went to a natural history museum with my little brother. There were also dinosaur skeletons there, but also, like here, a room with a bench on which you could look at the planets. And that''s exactly how a woman''s voice explained the structure of our galaxy to us. Or at least what we humans knew about it. After all, there was a lot that was still unknown. I had listened to the voice and found it incredibly exciting that people had traveled into space to find out exactly these things.

    I closed my eyes, watched the light shine through my eyelids, and wondered if there was ever a real chance that anyone would ever fly into space again.

    I sat there for a while until I noticed that my stomach was growling. I had to laugh quietly. Although there was so much going on and there were apparently much bigger problems than hunger, my body didn''t want to hear about it. So I got up with a sigh, turned off the light and closed the door again. One day I would show her this dream. That was something I had already decided when I saw it for the first time. "So, what''s for dinner today?" I asked Francis. She was an acquaintance from the shooting course and she was really damn good at it. She looked skeptically at the food on display. "Fresh rice with some kind of sauce? I hope and believe it is sauce, but I won''t take responsibility if you." I laughed and we sat down at a free table with our food.

    We ate and were one of the first. Our schedule today would actually allow us to go out to eat later, but I was allowed to make an exception because if I decided to do so today, I would later receive an initial briefing on the tasks of the new recruiting team. So I had to start working sooner. Since Hollow would be joining later, Francis had offered to help me in the beginning. As always, the porridge was a bit too slimy for my taste, but it served its purpose and that''s what it was there for. ¡°What¡¯s happening today?¡± Francis asked me, who in turn enthusiastically devoured her plate. I thought about it. ¡°Potatoes and pumpkins are ready. "I think next would be¡­apple?¡± she laughed. ¡°It¡¯s your first harvest season, right? The apple trees aren''t even in the hall. You¡¯re in the forest room.¡±

    The W?ldersaal was another hall that was directly adjacent to the Harvest Hall. They had plants, fruit trees and other beds that had not found any plants here. ¡°We only work in the harvest hall, I thought?¡± Francis added. I nodded slowly. ¡°We have to look at the plan, I have no idea.¡± We quickly finished our breakfast and then made our way to the hall. Francis was smaller than me and had difficulty keeping up. But I knew we had to hurry. At this time a large part of the hall was empty again and only a few individual people stood between the rows. I grabbed a tablet and looked at the plan for the K3 group - Hillow and me. ¡°Strawberries,¡± I said to Francis and frowned. From what I knew, the wedding for strawberries was in spring and summer? The climate conditions in this hall reflected the seasons outside, which was clearly already the beginning of autumn. Late summer at the most, if you turned a blind eye. She zoomed in on the map on the tablet I was holding and pointed to one of the lines. "Do you see? We''re not even in this hall.¡± I frowned. But I was assigned here with Hollow. Francis seemed to accept this with a shrug and then gathered the garden supplies we needed to measure the strawberries. Because with fruit, unlike vegetables, we also had to take other values, such as fruit acid content and so on. Who then would continue the harvest with Hollow in this hall today?

    So we went to Hall G, which was noticeably warmer when we entered. This hall was significantly smaller, and it was only used for certain things, as the heat that was generated here to make the food think it was summer consumed a lot of electricity. We picked out the appropriate row - 21-30, as the other rows had already been measured in the past few days. This time I was the one who entered the values that Francis told me into the table and carefully filled in row by row. It was so warm that we both quickly began to sweat and our hair stuck to our necks and our clothes stuck to our bodies.

    ¡°Why strawberries?¡± Francis then said with a groan and wiped his face with a cloth. We always had to be careful not to let body fluids drip onto the measuring devices, otherwise this could change the values. We worked our way through section by section and I was happy that it progressed quickly. It was the first time I worked with Francis and it went well. We hardly knew her, but she was precise and conscientious in reading the values. ¡°How did you actually come up with this division?¡± I asked interestedly and was entering the number of the PH value of the plant she was currently examining. She thought for a moment and told me another value before sliding to the next 30cm. ¡°I actually used to study landscape architecture and I loved it. I took it over from my mother; she was also active in landscape planning. And I loved knowing and understanding the individual plants and building everything so that together they formed a beautiful structure. Because you know, people usually love plants too. But many people don''t know or understand them. Therefore, there are many places, plots, forests and gardens that have become overgrown, whose plants are dried up or dead and where you can just tell that they have been neglected. Things like that always make me sad because I know that they could actually look so beautiful and had so much potential if only they were given more attention. When everything went south and I came to the base with my mother, we were given a plan with the individual divisions. Since the harvest division wasn''t that popular at the beginning, I volunteered straight away and was accepted. That''s why I''m here now. I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s how it is for me with medicine,¡± I said without her asking. But she listened with interest. ¡°I studied Meidzin until the tenth semester and then began my practical year. I was about three-quarters of the way through before everything happened.¡± ¡°So you wanted to continue working on it here?¡± I nodded and wrote down the numbers she showed me on the measuring device in the table. "Well, apparently there weren''t that many doctors at the beginning, which is why they started looking for them straight away." I was silent for a moment while I entered more numbers. ¡°And I really enjoyed that I could help people, that I was needed. You really get that feeling here more than ever before, I think.¡± She nodded in confirmation. "That''s correct. If you don''t cooperate here, it won''t take long for everything to collapse. ¡°It¡¯s pretty scary,¡± she added. ¡°Why did you change?¡± she then asked. I was hoping she wouldn''t ask the question, but I had started the conversation so it was my own fault. ¡°I couldn¡¯t stand it there anymore. Or rather, I focused too much on one particular thing and thereby neglected the other patients to the point where I was advised that I could and should work somewhere else for a while and then come back at another time ¡°Go to the medical division when things get better.¡± She pursed her lips. ¡°What are you focusing on so much?¡± I didn''t want to answer at first, but then decided it was better. I liked Francis and I knew that if you wanted to be friends with other people you had to confide in each other and tell each other things. Secrets would only create distance. ¡°My girlfriend,¡± I said shortly. To my surprise, Francis started laughing loudly. I looked at her alienated. ¡°You fooled around too much with your girlfriend? Oh man, I would want to put you there too. The poor patients. That''s why they always put pairs in different divisions to prevent something like this. You bad boy,¡± she was still laughing and shaking the button. I didn''t answer and entered the other data in silence. She quickly noticed that I wasn''t responding. ¡°What is it?¡± She paused her examination briefly and looked at me with her bright green eyes. ¡°She¡¯s not in a different division. She wasn''t in my division either. She is one of the coma patients.¡±

 Chapter 20

    Francis didn''t say anything at first. I could tell she was immediately sorry for laughing. But I wasn''t angry. I didn''t want her to feel bad, so I continued to explain: "When it became clear that the coma patients weren''t waking up and there was no improvement, I did everything I could to find every article, every study, every piece of information I could. Of course, the Internet no longer existed, but luckily the base, which had apparently previously been in collaboration with a medical facility, had access to external servers that worked offline. Of course, they weren''t specialized in coma patients, but in communicable diseases, which was of course more important. But I still found some information and I researched them, examined them all, even carried out some tests myself." When I saw her look, I quickly added: "Harmless tests." I tapped around blindly on the tablet, without entering anything or seeing what I was actually doing. "Well, in any case, there was a point where it probably became too much. To be fair, I have to say that I understand it now too. When the first patients woke up, I had great hope that they could help us find out how they had woken up and I had set my mind on finding a solution to wake up the others. But that quickly proved to be hopeless, as most of the patients had large memory gaps and not a single one could say how they had woken up. It had probably just happened and that was the end of it for the others. But I had pressed the patients too hard in questioning, they were not strong or rested enough and I kept asking questions. So in the end it was best that I was transferred here. I was angry at first, but I would have done the same thing." I shrugged my shoulders as if that was the end of it. "And she hasn''t woken up yet?" Francis asked cautiously. I just shook my head slightly. "I guess I can only wait until it happens to her too. If that happens." Francis reached out and placed his hand lightly on my arm. "It will, don''t worry. So many have already made it and the others will do the same." I nodded and was grateful for the small but kind gesture. We continued working in silence. At some point she said: "I''m sorry I laughed. I really thought you were just a normal couple." I just shook my head. "Don''t worry. You didn''t know."

    My watch beeped just as Francis and I took the tablet and measuring devices back to the main hall. A message popped up saying that Caleb was expecting me in the training hall in an hour.

    I had already suspected that Caleb was behind today''s changed schedule. He certainly initiated the change and I was then allowed to be surprised. I said goodbye to Francis and then went back to my room. Most of the others had already finished breakfast and were working in their own divisions. So the corridors were empty and I didn''t meet many. Since I still had some time, I strolled and let my thoughts wander. I actually wanted to stop by the hospital hall again, but I could do that later. She probably wouldn''t run away, I thought slightly sarcastically. Down in the courtyard, inside the large atrium, I saw several people trimming the trees. Two stood below and caught the branches. When you saw the people, the halls, the daily routines, you had to admit that the entire system, which included people and the rank and file, was a masterpiece of planning. Of course, a lot of things were born out of necessity, but it was still impressive that such an institution could be created and maintained in a crisis like that then and still today. Today the sun shone an autumnal gold and I saw how it was reflected on the window panes of the higher floors up to the ceiling, bathing everything in a bright light. If you put aside everything that had led you to this living situation, this was a really beautiful place. I sighed and then went to my room. Henry was already gone; he was probably also busy with his work in the engineering division.

    I showered, put on clean clothes, and then packed my bag. I realized that I didn''t know what I needed, because I had no idea what Caleb was waiting for me with. And then I also realized that I still hadn''t made a decision. What should I tell him? I grabbed my hand pad, my jacket, and then headed back toward the halls. The living space and the work halls were separated from each other for logistical reasons. So I inevitably always passed one of the main halls. I looked into the dining hall, where only a few people were sitting and eating. The workers in the food division were almost always divided into shifts in the hall, except at night. Because of the different time schedules, there were always people who needed food at different times.

    I felt a little reminded of the days when I was still a student walking around campus and watching others still have lectures or classes, or when I was roaming around the city with friends while others still had to work . So now I also felt like I had chosen something special because everyone else was busy and I had free time. But I didn''t yet know what Caleb actually wanted from me.

    When I arrived at the training hall, Caleb was already waiting in one of the back corners. He also didn''t have any training clothes on. ¡°There aren¡¯t that many people here right now, so we decided we would like to have the meeting here.¡± I looked at him questioningly. ¡°Meeting?¡± He looked at me meaningfully. "Have you thought about the question I asked you yesterday?" I sighed and looked him straight in the eyes. ¡°Do you think I would be a good choice for this position?¡± Don''t you think there are others who have more experience and would be better suited?" He shook his head and then gestured to a table set up at the back of the hall. He sat down and I sat diagonally from him. Then I put my handpad in front of me and looked at it. The screen was dark. ¡°I would love to do it. But there are things that need me here." As if Caleb had expected this objection, he quickly replied: "We have already found a possible replacement for Hollow, should you decide to do so. Your brother already knows, your other courses would also be informed, and you won''t be able to do much in the hospital anyway." I looked at him and he raised his hands apologetically. ¡°I''m sorry, but it''s also true. Besides, there are people assigned there to monitor everything 24 hours a day.¡± I nodded slowly. He was right, there weren''t really any good arguments for me to want to stay here. ¡°My brother,¡± I murmured slowly. My brother, he was a thing for himself. I thought for a moment and then began to nod slowly. Caleb looked at me expectantly. ¡°Okay,¡± I then said. A small word, four letters, and with it so much responsibility and expectation. ¡°Great!¡± he clapped his hands enthusiastically and smiled broadly. He would later tell me that he hadn''t expected me to say no and had therefore taken the precaution of informing me about the courses I was taking outside of work.

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    We waited another half hour and talked about this and that, then one of the CEOs came in, then the division manager for field operations, and finally the head trainer of the recruits. I had seen them all before, but I didn''t really know any of them. They were talking to each other in a small circle a little way away from the table. After them, six other young people arrived, four of whom I knew by sight. I had apparently already forgotten the others, as they didn''t say anything to me. As the three men who had just been talking confidentially sat down, one last person came over. I turned around and recognized him. "Caspar?" I asked in surprise and he gave me a quick grin as he sat down on the last free seat at the table and then looked around expectantly.

    ¡°Thank you all for coming,¡± the division leader opened the group and looked at us one by one with a professional expression. ¡°You''re probably wondering what exactly you''re doing here.¡± The others didn''t answer, but just looked at him eagerly and listened to his words.

    "Well," she stood up and then laid a plan in front of us. It showed a territory that was recognizable by brown and green colors and circular lines. "This is where our base is." We all leaned forward curiously. None of us had really seen the area before, except for what we could see through the windows, which really wasn''t much. She pointed to a circle in the middle of the plan. "This is where the base is," she ran his finger over the plan and drew an area. "As you probably know, the job of the external division is to plan and carry out operations or so-called missions that serve a certain purpose. Some of them are used to obtain resources that are needed on the base. Others are used to explore the outside world. They provide us with information about what it looks like out there, how the animals and plants in our area are doing, what else is out there and so on. With each mission, the radius we investigate is increased. In the past, it has already provided us with valuable information that has enabled us to expand and improve the base. Well, we cannot simply stop these tasks and must continue to carry them out. Therefore, the old groups will continue to exist with their social tasks. But now things have changed.¡± She paused meaningfully.

    ¡°As you all probably noticed in the big meeting yesterday, there were people sightings. Other people from a different base, as could be determined. Since, as already mentioned, we cannot simply withdraw our own workers and emergency services and deploy them to this new task, we have decided to form a new team." She looked around as if she were confirming the new team present here. Something we already knew from the moment we entered the room and sat down at this table. ¡°We are of course aware that this will result in the loss of workers elsewhere. But these can be replaced more easily. We now had to set our priorities on this. Therefore, you will all fulfill an important role in this new team. You were all chosen, some through your Dante in the system and others through the suggestion of other people," she said, looking at me, "because you bring something to the team that can and will be put to good use. Now we will first introduce you. One by one you will say your name and your current division and then we will introduce you to your role in the team. There will also be overlaps, but it is important to establish clear responsibilities.¡± With these words, she placed several pictures printed on paper on the table. It was unusual that people were still working with paper when everyone now had a handpad and most of it was done digitally. The sheets had different symbols with different colors on them. ¡°These logos will be assigned to you accordingly. You will always carry them on you in the future so that others can identify you more easily." While we were still looking at the symbols curiously, she nodded to the main trainer, who stood up and nodded to all of us. ¡°I¡¯m Derrick. I will be your trainer in the coming weeks, teaching you the basics of combat, surviving the outside world, and helping others. Since this is your new division, you will invest all your time in it. Due to the increased energy expenditure during training, you will be given larger portions of food.¡± This news was met with enthusiastic murmurs. ¡°So much for me first. Now to you, Markus,¡± he looked at the chairman of the board, who now stood up while Derrick sat down again. Although most of the members of the board were older, this one was young and did not have the typical arrogant look that was common among many who worked in higher positions. ¡°I am Tom Cullens and I will be your liaison to the decision makers among us. If your group needs something, wants to discuss something or share something, or needs permissions and dry things like that, then I''m the right person for you." He nodded formally and then sat down again. Now everyone''s attention turned back to the division leader, who introduced herself as Ivana, realizing that she had forgotten to give her name. Then she looked at the first person sitting in the group of members. It was a girl, one of the three people I didn''t know yet. She introduced herself as Maya and immediately blushed. ¡°I work in the botany division. "That''s because I was studying ecology with a focus on botany before the outbreak." She looked at Ivana, unsure if she should add anything else. Ivana nodded briefly and then said: ¡°Thank you, Maya. You will join the group as a specialist in plant and tree identification. Your tasks will include, among other things, determining which plants can be useful and which can be harmful to you when you will be in the outside world for several days or even weeks.¡± A general gasp of shock filled the group. Apparently I wasn''t the only one who assumed that it would always be a maximum of two or three days. The fact that some missions could apparently last weeks was clearly shocking to some. Ivana didn''t show anything. She pushed one of the leaves, the one with a green symbol that depicted a tree stretching its branches along the circular border. It was dark green and had the word ¡°Botany¡± written on it. She took it shyly and then looked at it in silence. Maya was a quieter person, so I remembered her.

 Chapter 21

    Next was a boy I already knew by sight. I had seen him a few times with friends of Henry''s. He introduced himself as Leon and explained that he worked in the Aquaculture Division. Aquaculture was large, not only encompassing living creatures such as fish and other marine animals that lived in the water, but also water treatment at the base. It was thanks to them, along with the engineers, that we had technologies that could use all types of collected water, such as rain, from lakes or mountain springs, and treated as drinking water.

    Ivana nodded to let him know that was enough. She explained to him that he was responsible for the team''s water supply. This included tasks such as finding, treating and reusing water for the team members. He took his blue symbol, which was round like all the others and showed several fish and waves running through the round logo. Then another girl came over, whom I also knew by sight. I couldn''t remember where from, but somehow she seemed familiar. Bethany was her name and she worked in the harvest division. Now I remembered, I had seen her talking to Francis several times. I think they had been on a team once. She had no background in the field before the outbreak, but she was one of the longest-serving employees in this division, which is why she also brought a lot of expertise. When I heard her name, I also remembered that she had already been mentioned several times as the best person to contact for questions in the field, as she was something of a guru. She seemed a little older than most of the team members. Maybe in her early thirties. But she had an open look and immediately seemed likeable. Her job was to ensure that the team had enough food. Ivana emphasized that, of course, there would be sufficient supplies of water, food and equipment. But it was just in case they had to rely on supplies from nature. Beth took her brown symbol, which fit the harvest theme. Several foods, including a basket of apples, bananas and oranges, several loaves of bread and plants that were supposed to be edible, were depicted on it. She took it and looked at it with satisfaction. The next person to go... was me, I noticed with surprise. I had been so lost in thought and paying attention to the others that I hadn''t noticed that it was my turn. "Um," I said unimaginatively and then added:

    "My name is Julien. I''m currently in the harvest division. But I originally come from the medical division. I studied medicine before the outbreak. The others looked at me and listened with interest. I noticed that some of them were also looking at me in surprise. I knew that it wasn''t that common to change divisions. You could do it, but it just wasn''t that common. IVana nodded at me. "You will be responsible for the medical care of the team members. We will always make sure that there are enough medicines and first aid materials available on your missions. In addition, as Derek has already mentioned, you will receive training in first aid. However, you are there for emergencies; if a situation should arise that we have not foreseen, then you must take over the medical care as much as possible. We want to make sure that you all return safely as a team." With that, she looked at the table and pushed a sheet of paper towards me that was a beautiful dark red color. The well-known snake symbol of medicine was drawn on it. I pulled it towards me and looked at it more closely. There were other smaller symbols in the background that I couldn''t quite make out. But it was a nice symbol. I put it to one side and then looked at Ivana to see if she expected anything else from me. She nodded contentedly and then looked at the person sitting next to me. I noticed that Caleb had withdrawn. He was still sitting on his chair but had moved back a little so that he was out of sight of the group and away from attention. The next was one of the boys, who I also thought I had never seen before. He introduced himself as Elwin and explained that he was from the engineering division. He also admitted that he was surprised why he should take part, since there were probably not too many machines in use in the outside world anymore. "It''s both for the machines we give you - although that sounds exaggerated, we prefer to call them devices - and for any other technology you might come across. After all, you are there for the task of exploring the other base. Maybe they''ll have machines or technology, and that''s where we''ll need someone like you."

    He was satisfied with the explanation and Ivana pushed a gray symbol towards him, gray like metal. It had a few tools on it. The last three were a girl and two boys, of whom I only recognized one boy - Will, a friend of Caleb''s and also older than the others, who seemed to be my age. Will was in charge of the zoology department. He said he had studied exactly that before the outbreak and would work with the relevant division for research into animals in the outside world and also hunting animals as food for the people in the base. His symbol was purple, depicted several different deer and birds, and his job was to ensure that the team behaved towards animals, that they did not become a danger and that they could also be used for food in an emergency. Then it was Zane''s turn, who was an expert in reconnaissance, had previously been working with in the secret intelligence and had also studied psychology, all in order to be able to assess other people, negotiate with them and spy on them unnoticed. His symbol was yellow, had a book and a face drawn on it and his tasks overlapped very much with his previous knowledge. The last to be introduced was Meredith, an epidemiologist who had already been an expert in this field before the outbreak. She didn''t seem to be thirty yet, very young for her expertise, she seemed. Her tasks were clear and her symbol was an orange virus symbol. When we had received all of our information, symbols and other tasks, we were given some more background information, such as training times, mission goals and expectations of the team. We would be going on our first mission in about four weeks, we were then told and we were already nervous about this big task. After the meeting was dissolved, the three left and only Leon and Meredith remained seated. The others immediately stood up and went outside individually.

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    Meredith looked at her symbol and then said to no one in particular: "I wonder if we''re up to the task. None of us have been out there before, have we?" Leon shrugged his shoulders. "They''ll have been looking for us for a reason. Besides, Zane has been out there several times. I know him a little and have heard about it a few times." Meredith nodded slowly, but looked unconvinced. "It really isn''t safe out there. I mean, we''ve been investigating the outbreak for over two years and not much has changed to this day. This base, as great as it is, helps us survive. But you can''t really call it life." With these words and her slightly bitter tone, she stood up and went to the front door and then disappeared. Leon and I sat there in silence for a moment, then he stood up too. "See you tomorrow then," he said, nodded briefly to me and disappeared.

    I sat there for a while and let everything we had just been told sink in. It all happened so quickly, Caleb had just told me about it for the first time, I had thought about it and with one word, an okay, I was now on this team. I didn''t know how secret the team''s tasks were, they hadn''t asked us to keep it completely secret. And yet they said we should only tell them what was necessary and be discreet about the tasks and content of the missions. After a while I stood up too, took my hand pad and the sheet with my new symbol on it and left the hall. I decided that I wanted to visit my brother before we started tomorrow. Just the thought made me feel sick, but my guilty conscience that I hadn''t been to see him for weeks was greater.

    I made my way to the labs, which were located underground in the base. There was no elevator that I could use, so I had to take the stairs. It was cooler and much darker downstairs. I went through several doors until I came to a counter where a young man was sitting and typing on a tablet. "Hello," I said and he looked up. "Hi," he just said and raised his eyebrows. "I''d like to go to Benjamin - Room B15." He typed something briefly on the keyboard of his small computer and then looked back at me. "Do you have a permit?" I nodded, held my wrist with the watch to the scanner that was on the counter and it beeped briefly. The young man squinted, read something on the screen and then nodded slowly. Then he gave me a visitor''s pass, which I clipped to my T-shirt and then nodded towards the door that led to the examination rooms in the labs. My heart was beating a little faster as I went through the door and looked for the room number in corridor B. I braced myself and then walked towards the window that belonged to the room. The windows were always mirrored from the inside, like you used to see in police interrogation rooms in series and films. That''s why he couldn''t see me. I looked in and there he was sitting. On the red armchair with a book in his hand. He seemed very calm, almost peaceful as he read. As I looked at him, I noticed tears coming. I quickly blinked them away. He was thin, thinner than the last time I had seen him, which had been about four weeks ago. But his skin looked better. It no longer looked quite as translucent, but had taken on a richer color. I smiled slightly and leaned my forehead against the window. "How''s it going there?" I asked him, but of course he didn''t hear me. The rooms were all soundproof. ¡°I got a new job and I''m going outside. Outside, after so long, can you imagine that?¡±

    I would have loved to speak to him normally, to go into the room, to tell him everything, to see his reaction and to have him in front of me. But that was not allowed without a doctor and at this time they were all busy with laboratory tests and treatments. My brother was just turning a page. My dear little brother, how I missed him. Because the person in the room in front of me was currently hardly comparable to the brother I knew. Because he had caught it, the big dangerous thing, the virus that everyone was afraid of. And rightly so. It had not been long ago that he had caught it, long after the outbreak. Like everyone else, he had worked in a division, aquaculture, and he had liked it very much. No one knew how it had happened, the assumption was that someone had accidentally brought it in from outside missions, although the prevention measures were very thorough and comprehensive. There were about fifteen people who had become ill. The entire base was quarantined for about a week and only then did the work slowly resume. The lack of work caused significant damage and the sick were then isolated. By now no one bore any grudges, but as was always the case, the sick were always insulted, even though it was not their fault.

 Chapter 22

    They were now being treated and examined again and again, but none of them had shown any improvement. So they were still here after months. And the disease changed you. It turned a funny, cheerful and completely motivated person like my brother into a person who would regularly lash out at others for no reason in fits of rage, calling them horrible things and attacking them. They were no longer contagious, which was always within about two months. But they showed no improvement either and so no one really knew what to do with them. I felt a tear running down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. I knew that if my brother had been sane, he would have told me not to worry, that he was proud of me and would always support me. Sometimes I felt like he was the big brother and not me. I also blamed myself terribly for not being able to protect him from the virus, even though Caleb had already set me straight several times with the argument that you can''t really protect anyone from a virus. Because a virus looks for its own way and will find it.

    I sighed and watched him for a short while until he eventually put the book aside and put it down. At such moments he seemed completely normal, human and like he used to be. But I had experienced it often enough that it could be deceptive and he could have attacked me in the next moment. I saw his light curls and found myself wishing just to stroke his head, like I used to when he was scared at home. I took one last look around his room, then back at him, and then I went back. I put my visitor''s card on the counter, but the young man didn''t pay any attention to me. I was lost in thought when I heard voices. It came from one of the labs. I knew I shouldn''t do that, but I was naturally curious, so I walked quietly towards the voices and discovered two men in white coats standing in front of a microscope, taking turns looking into it and apparently discussing quietly. I could barely hear what they were saying, but if I tried hard I could make out a little of it. "No that is not correct. This is a sample from the patient, how can it be that it reacts to the drug?¡± The other guy said something about the drug that I didn''t understand. ¡°And do you really think that could help? Did the patient¡¯s cells respond well?¡± The other nodded. ¡°I think this substance could really help with therapy. There¡¯s just one problem.¡± The other looked up. ¡°This funding is very difficult to obtain and I don''t think they will allow us to continue producing it. The patients are actually unimportant to them. There aren¡¯t many, so they won¡¯t care whether it helps them or not.¡± ¡°But what do we do with the information now?¡± asked the other and looked into the microscope again. ¡°We can¡¯t guess, we just carry on as before and don¡¯t tell anyone what we discovered.¡± ¡°So are we lying?¡± ¡°No, but we just don¡¯t say it. If we inform the chairmen and they then do nothing, then we are involved. This could cost us our jobs and everything else. Do you really want to be thrown out the door? You know what happens when you become useless. Think of Paul.¡± The other person said something I didn''t understand. I pulled back and leaned against the wall, trying to understand what I had just heard. Who were they two? What had they discovered and were they talking about the patients with the disease? Who was Paul and why would they lose their jobs? My head was spinning and I noticed that the feeling in my mind that I had before was not there. I felt sick. I quickly ran to the stairs, staggered up and looked for the nearest toilet. I then vomited several times and sank exhausted onto the tiled floor next to the toilet. It was all just too much. With so much going on, how could I wrap my head around it all? I leaned my head against the tiled wall and closed my eyes. That was good. The room stopped moving and my stomach settled as well.

    I sat there for a while until I was sure I wasn''t going to throw up again and then went back to the hallways. I still had no idea how to interpret what I had just heard, but first I had to go to my room and block out everything else. I just wanted my head to be quiet for a while, even for a short time. I had no idea how everyone else was handling all of it but it did not surprise me one bit that some people fell ill from exhaustion because of everything.

    Later that evening, Henry came and brought me something from the dining room. This wasn''t allowed, but they made an exception when he told them I wasn''t feeling well. I looked at the plate and there was a slice of pizza on it. I was surprised, things like pizza, or gluten in general, were really rare. "Thank you," I said and continued lying there. He put it on the nightstand for me and then sat down on his bed. "How are you?" he asked.

    I groaned. My stomach felt better and my head wasn''t pounding as much anymore. But I was so exhausted it felt like I had been hit by a truck. ¡°I''m just dead tired. I would like to take a vacation from my life, maybe three weeks?¡± He laughed quietly. I didn''t hear him laugh often, but when he did, he must have found it really funny. ¡°Well, I think some food will definitely make you feel a little better.¡± I just grumbled. ¡°I just hope I didn¡¯t catch a cold.¡± Henry snorted. ¡°That would be something. The world is going to hell and you catch the flu. Nobody believes that.¡± I also had to smile slightly. ¡°It''s just a bit much,¡± I mumbled, not thinking he could have heard me. But he had. "What do you think? Work?" I just made a sound of agreement. ¡°Work, my brother, my new job.¡± ¡°What new task?¡± he asked with interest and I could hear in his voice that he was now paying attention. ¡°Well,¡± I pressed. ¡°I guess we should go outside and do some exploring.¡± There was a moment of silence. Then Henry was on top of me, grabbing me by the collar and shaking me gently. "What? "You haven''t told me that yet?" he sounded enthusiastic and shocked at the same time, which didn''t fit with his otherwise calm and calm demeanor. I protested loudly and slapped his hands away. ¡°I still feel sick.¡± ¡°Sorry,¡± he mumbled and pulled back a little. But he sat down on one of the two chairs in our room and moved it in front of my bed. His eyes made a silent request to tell you more. I sighed and slowly sat up. Then, when I saw the plate of food, my stomach actually growled. I shook my head but picked up the plate and took a bite of the bread and cheese he had brought me. Hmm sweet, a rare commodity. ¡°So?¡± Henry urged, watching me closely.

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    ¡°You can¡¯t tell anyone, okay?¡± I said, chewing. ¡°I don¡¯t know how top secret this is, but I don¡¯t want to test it.¡± This urgency left Henry nodding eagerly. It amused me. I didn''t know him at all and I enjoyed a little bit of upsetting Henry, who was otherwise so controlled. ¡°So,¡± I began, building up the tension a little further. I told him almost everything, from the meetings with Caleb and the idea he had told me, about the meeting with the other participants and the tasks that awaited us. He listened intently, his lips sometimes forming an O or his eyes growing larger. When I mentioned Leon, he was surprised, but not too surprised. ¡°He¡¯s pretty good in his area in the division. I¡¯ve heard that a few times.¡± He said it so easily, but it made me feel a little inferior. ¡°I feel like everyone on the team is an expert in their field. I ask why Caleb suggested me of all people. I mean, the others all seemed so experienced.¡± Henry thought. ¡°Did Caleb tell you why he chose you?¡± ¡°He just said it was because of my position in the hospital and that it was because of my experience in combat training. But since we¡¯ll be training for the next few weeks anyway, this argument doesn¡¯t really count.¡± Henry nodded thoughtfully. ¡°I think he sees something in you that maybe you don''t. That¡¯s why,¡± he punched me lightly in the shoulders, ¡°don¡¯t let it get you down.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± I said, taken aback. That didn''t look like him either. What was wrong with Henry, why did he suddenly show so many emotions? He got up and warmed me up my jacket. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s go.¡± I looked at him skeptically. "Where are we going? I''m still sick." He waved his hand. ¡°You said you would like a little break from your life. Unfortunately I can''t give you that, but I can tell you that "Back to the Future" is in the cinema tonight and you definitely want to see it, right? I mean, it¡¯s one of your favorite movies for a reason, right?¡± He grinned as my eyes lit up with excitement. ¡°I haven¡¯t seen him in ages, you¡¯re the best!¡± "I know."

    The chairmen of the board had decided to set up a so-called film evening for everyone once a month. This would take place in the ¡°cinema¡±. It wasn''t a real movie theater, but it was a large room that could be used for multiple activities and was converted into a movie theater with a big screen and lots of couches and pillows and bean bags. Normally you couldn''t use the cinema outside of the official cinema evening, but there were exceptions. Since you had to register in advance to use the seats, Henry must have registered us online. "Thanks!"; I said as we were picking out our seats. There weren''t too many there yet, so we were able to choose some further ahead. ¡°Marty McFly really has a taste for fashion,¡± said a voice behind us and when I turned around I saw Hollow and Caleb sitting down on beanbags behind us. I grinned at her. ¡°These pants are really flattering,¡± I joked back and she laughed. I could also spot Francis, who gave me a quick wave. ¡°Who is that?¡± Henry asked, nodding at her. ¡°Francis is a colleague at work.¡± He nodded and continued to look at her. Surely he must have seen her before, right? After the hall was completely full and even some people were sitting on the floor, the room darkened and the screen was brightly lit. The room cheered briefly, a tradition to express our gratitude for being able to do such activities, and then the film began. Even though it had never happened to me before, especially with this movie, I actually fell asleep. Marty had just met his father for the first time at the diner when my eyes closed.

    ¡°Hey you,¡± a soft voice greeted me.

 Chapter 23

    I thought I was lying on the beach. My ears caught the sound of waves, the cries of birds - which I was pretty sure had to be seagulls - and the wind blowing through branches and leaves. It was pleasantly warm, but not hot. I kept my eyes closed and enjoyed the moment. I didn''t know where I was or what time it was. But the sun shining through my eyelids told me that it must be midday. I turned my head slightly to the side and felt sand under my cheek. Now I also noticed that my whole body was lying on sand. It was soft and firm at the same time. ¡°Hey you, who¡¯s slowly waking up?¡± the same soft voice asked again. I put a hand over my eyes and opened them slightly. I didn''t see anyone and was about to close it again when the person who must have spoken came into view. She craned her head over mine and grinned. Then suddenly my face became wet. ¡°What the...?¡± I cursed and got to my feet. The person ¨C a woman ¨C laughed out loud. ¡°It¡¯s your own fault if you ignore me.¡± I looked at her and saw that she was holding a bottle of water slightly tilted over the spot where I had just been lying. She was still smiling broadly and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I recognized her. Her strawberry blonde locks were gathered in a loose bun at the nape of her neck, her eyes hidden behind large sunglasses. But I knew how beautiful blue they were. She wore a kind of short kimono, under which a white bikini emerged when she moved. As I processed who I was with on this bright beach in the middle of nowhere, I began to grin maliciously, then quickly walked up to her and swept her into my arms. I picked her up and carried her to the water, which ran over the sand in slow waves less than five meters and receded again. She screamed and tried to free herself. But my grip was tight and she was too petite to be able to defend herself against me. ¡°You''re so crazy,¡± I said and then I was already knee-high in the water. ¡°Please please don¡¯t, please, it¡¯s so cold,¡± she whined, clinging to my shoulders like a kitten. ¡°You made me wet too. ¡°I would say an eye for an eye,¡± I said threateningly. She took off her glasses and stuck one of the handles between her teeth, then looked at me with her puppy dog eyes with her big blue eyes that were so familiar to me and that even now took my breath away. ¡°You don¡¯t want to get me wet, do you? Then I feel really cold,¡± she spoke in a toddler¡¯s voice and pouted slightly. ¡°You deserve it,¡± I adopted the tone of a teacher handing out a punishment. ¡°Beg!¡± I then said and grinned scornfully at her. She blinked, caught. "I''m sorry, what?" ¡°Beg for me to let you down and then I¡¯ll think about it.¡± She narrowed her eyes briefly, then put on her puppy dog eyes again. ¡°Please please please,¡± she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled at her briefly, then grinned gleefully. ¡°No,¡± and with that I threw her into the cold waves, laughing.

    ¡°How nasty,¡± she complained as she emerged sputtering again. I continued to laugh as she tried to push me into the water too but just couldn''t. ¡°Where are my glasses?¡± she asked in shock and looked around at the waves. I held her up. ¡°I quickly fished them out. Can I get a kiss as a thank you?¡± She still looked at me angry, but her mask was slowly crumbling. Then she came towards me. A small smile crept onto her lips. I couldn''t hold on to myself anymore. I carefully placed the glasses on her little nose and then pulled her close to me. I kissed her hard, held her tighter to me and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She moaned softly against my mouth and returned the kiss. Her skin was cold from the water and her hair dripped onto my arms. It was so nice to hold her in my arms, feel her and kiss her. Only when she was shaking slightly did I lead her out of the water and back to where our bags were. I took out a large towel and then wrapped her in it. I hung the kimono over a branch of a tree in whose shade we had spread out. ¡°Now you¡¯re a big churro. ¡°You¡¯re good to eat,¡± I said with a grin and kissed her on the nose. ¡°I''ll pay you back for that,¡± she said, but her voice sounded too loving to convey it seriously. I lay down in the warm sand and gently pulled her head onto my stomach. Then I started stroking her hair. She began to hum slightly. I knew the melody, she had made it up once and I had heard it from her several times. Her voice was beautiful and I let myself fall to the sound of it.

    ¡°Hey, Dude!¡± someone shook my shoulder. I frowned in annoyance, but then opened my eyes. Immediately I was back in the room, the fucking closed room, which I was so sick of at that moment. It was a complete contrast to the place I had just been. No light, no beach, no noise. And she wasn''t there anymore either. ¡°What is it?¡± I snapped angrily at the person who had snapped me out of this dream. Because it wasn''t anything different. A dream. A dream that could have been, that had been, but that would now never be again. Henry raised his hands placatingly ¡°Sorry, the movie is over, we should go back to the room. They¡¯ll lock up the room soon.¡± I looked around and sure enough the room was almost completely empty, with only a few people still sitting around and talking. I stood up angrily and narrowed my eyes. I was sorry for snapping at Henry like that, but I was so overwhelmed by the feelings that the dream and then reality had triggered that I couldn''t apologize. So we went to the room in silence and I went straight to bed. I would apologize to him tomorrow, but now I wanted to escape back into this dream.

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    My morning started very early, my watch vibrated at half past five. I had it on quiet so the ringing wouldn''t wake Henry. I had to go to breakfast, then to training and wanted to stop by the hospital first. I had a guilty conscience that I hadn''t been there much in the last few days. The hope that I could repeat yesterday''s dream again had not come true. My night had been dreamless. In the beginning, after she fell into a coma, I had had many such dreams about her and I had always held on to them. Now they had become rarer and rarer. Not that I had forgotten her voice, her face, her laugh, but my head no longer wanted to let her into my dreams so often. I got up, showered and got ready. Then I quickly wrote a message to Henry apologizing and explaining that I wasn''t feeling well last night and that''s why I''d been so rude. Then I grabbed my training gear, my hand pad and headed towards the hospital hall. The main lights wouldn''t come on until seven because that''s when most everyone else would be up and it saved electricity. Instead, the hallways were equipped with dimmed lights. It gave the surroundings a dark mood. But I found it pleasant because it made you feel more protected. The base was largely made of glass, so you were almost never protected from view in the hallways and in many rooms during the day.

    The hospital hall was open as always for safety reasons in case you needed to get out or in quickly. Out of fear that patients would be able to sneak away, a small metal ring was introduced at the beginning of basic use, which patients always had to wear around their foot and with which they could be tracked. These were also not possible to remove independently. In one of the night shift rooms, the lights were dimmed and I saw that a woman and a man were sitting there talking to each other at the screens that monitored everything, both the cameras and the patients'' machines. When there were still a lot of coma patients, more employees were needed per shift. But now there were two. Only two more. I sneaked into the room. The constant beeping of the machines accompanied my every step. I knew the route like the back of my hand and quickly reached the bed. As always, I looked at the monitor and saw that all the values seemed good. Then, as always, I sat on the edge of the bed, took her hand and stroked it. "How are you doing? You look good." I whispered, as if I could wake up the other patients with my voice. ¡°I have to train all day today, can you imagine that?¡± I stroked her hair and wrapped one of her curls around my index finger. ¡°I''ll be very toned when you wake up. ¡°It¡¯s sexy, isn¡¯t it?¡± I smiled. I stayed on the bed in silence for a while until my watch vibrated. She indicated that I should go have breakfast. Sighing softly, I stood up and, as always, gave her another kiss on the forehead. Then I got up and sneaked out of the hall the same way I came.

    I met the others at breakfast. Only Meredith was missing, but the others didn''t know where she was either. We ate our porridge mostly in silence. Leon and I exchanged a few brief words as I mentioned that I was friends with Henry and he knew him too. Otherwise you could only hear the spoons scraping. We were all still very tired, none of us were used to getting up so early. But we would probably have to get used to that. The lights in this hall were also dimmed and there was only poor lighting. But it was enough. Each of us was even allowed to drink a cup of coffee. Coffee was very rare, so it was usually only drunk on very special occasions or when someone had a birthday. With our new meal plan, we were allowed to have one cup per day. It couldn''t compare to the coffee I remembered from before. But it still wasn''t bad. ¡°What do you think we¡¯ll learn first during training?¡± Beth asked, looking around shyly. Zane shrugged and finished his bowl. ¡°I think the basics, how to defend yourself, how to attack and what techniques there are.¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t you be pretty good by now?¡± Will asked, looking at him searchingly. ¡°You¡¯ve been out there before, haven¡¯t you?¡± Now everyone looked at Zane with interest. He wiped his mouth and shrugged his shoulders again, as if that was his preferred way of answering. ¡°I''ve had training a few times, but I''ve mostly been on teams with far better trained people. Plus, it¡¯s always good to refresh your knowledge.¡± Will shifted his gaze from him to me. ¡°And you,¡± the others followed his gaze. I just looked at him unquestioningly. "I''m told you''re supposed to be pretty good at the extra combat courses that are offered to everyone here." I narrowed my eyes slightly. ¡°You¡¯re pretty well informed. May I ask who your sources are?¡± But Will only smiled slightly and turned back to his porridge without answering.

    When we entered the training hall a short time later, it looked completely different than yesterday. Our new coach, Dereck, had really done a real good job.