《An Unlikely Connection: Part 2》


 Positive Outlooks

    A full year went by in a blink of an eye. So many things happened that I wasn¡¯t proud of, but there was a lot I enjoyed. I met my closest friend, Yosefin B?hme, the energetic extrovert tomboy who had a crush on me when I was in high school. I dabbled sexual wonders with Kat, then found myself in the persistent gaze of Yosefin¡¯s heart. Every other day since the road trip and the time I almost stripped her naked after we impulsively made out, I couldn¡¯t stop thinking about it. I found it hard to be annoyed by the never-ending reminders. Weirdly, I liked her persistence. But I saw how it could lead to me being less social with other people.


    For nearly a year, she was all I talked to. I wasn¡¯t talking to any other girl, plus I barely spoke to my other friends. Yosefin didn¡¯t have any friends either. I felt like that needed to change for both of us.


    The day before Yosefin and I began our sophomore year, the air was thick with anticipation and excitement. We had spent the whole day together, running errands and simply enjoying the last moments of summer. As the sun began to set, we found ourselves in the comfort of her cozy bedroom, snuggled up on her bed.


    ¡°So,¡± Yosefin said when she momentarily rested the side of her face across my chest. ¡°Are you going to tell me what¡¯s on your mind?¡±


    ¡°This isn¡¯t right,¡± I sighed.


    ¡°You¡¯re still on about that?¡± She said when she sat up to look directly at me. ¡°What?¡± She somewhat snapped yet smiled afterward. ¡°Is snuggling too far now? I¡¯m just laying on you.¡± She leaned away before I could bring her back to me to show her that wasn¡¯t the case. ¡°Josh,¡± she scoffed. ¡°You know how I feel about you,¡± she said in a softer voice. ¡°But,¡± she said, cutting me off. ¡°But... I understand why you don¡¯t want me. It¡¯s just...¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just what?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just I wish it didn¡¯t hurt, you know?¡± She nearly wept yet kept her face from frowning. ¡°Oh, God,¡± she sighed with her hands in her lap, shaking her head while looking at me as if there was something wrong.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Do you not want to be friends anymore?¡±


    ¡°Whoa,¡± I said three times in a panic. My heart was racing and my lips felt like they shrunk. ¡°You will always be my friend,¡± I said, clutching her thigh to scoot myself closer. She moved a couple of inches closer to completely close the gap between us. My hand slipped to the top of her thigh right near her left hip.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad,¡± she said with a faint smile. ¡°So,¡± she said after taking a deep swallow. ¡°What isn¡¯t right about.. us?¡± I suddenly got cold feet and lost all confidence in what I wanted to say. ¡°Is it about the kisses we shared? Or... something more... deeper?¡± When she said deeper, she somewhat squinted like she was trying to look through me. Her worrying gaze made me unable to look her in the eyes. ¡°Joshy.¡± That name put a smile on my face by the way she said it. It was quiet and I hadn¡¯t heard it for a few weeks.


    ¡°We should go see other people.¡±


    ¡°Like... date?¡± She said, raising a brow. ¡°Or finding... other... friends?¡±


    ¡°Date, but having more friends is good too. As far as I know, I¡¯m the only friend you have.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± she stuttered. ¡°Who would wanna be friends with me? Let alone date?¡±


    ¡°Tons!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know about that.¡± I reminded her of all of the things that attracted me to her. I talked about her personality, the fact she loved games, and that she was an extrovert. Many people would love that about her but she thought the unobvious truth about her could turn a lot of people away.


    ¡°You won¡¯t know until you try.¡± She crossed her arms and looked down at the bed, pouting in silence. ¡°You¡¯re so childish,¡± I said as a joke.


    ¡°Ugh,¡± she groaned, rolling her eyes. ¡°Okay! I¡¯ll give it a try.¡±


    We helped each other create our profiles on the same dating app by giving out some brief details about ourselves. Yosefin loaded her profile with the best of the best pictures of herself, including two pictures of her time at the rave.


    ¡°Hey, serious question,¡± she said as she was looking through the pictures on her profile. ¡°Would you swipe by what you saw?¡± She handed me her phone so I could thoroughly check each picture.


    ¡°I would,¡± I said.


    ¡°Okay, let¡¯s go on a date.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin...¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah.¡± She slowly swatted her head like she was annoyed with me then laid next to me with her hand behind my lower back. ¡°Das wird ?tzend! (This will suck!)¡± She whined, muffling her voice with the bed. I didn¡¯t care to know what she said, but her tone of voice worried me.


    ¡°Look at me,¡± I said with my face inches from the back of her head. She turned enough to see me with her right eye.


    ¡°I¡¯m looking,¡± she said then got on her back. I thought about talking about positive outlooks if she put in the effort to make connections with people. There were several puns and motivational expressions I had ready on the spot, but the more I saw her emotionless face, I decided against it.


    ¡°Uh... hi.¡±


    ¡°Hallo,¡± she said in a thick German accent. Her eyes darted a few times down my face. I checked my chest and touched my face to see if there was something there. ¡°Nein, nein. Sehen Sie mich weiter an. (No, no. Keep looking at me.)¡±


    ¡°Why do you keep speaking German when you know I don¡¯t understand?¡± I said out of frustration yet laughed about it.


    ¡°So you won¡¯t know what I say, duh.¡±


    ¡°Whatever.¡±


    ¡°Whatever,¡± she said, mimicking my voice but playfully. ¡°Hey!¡± She poked my lips and tickled my chin by curling my fingers under it. ¡°Let¡¯s go do something together.¡±


    ¡°It hasn¡¯t been an hour since we got back.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re such a pain.¡± She suddenly wrapped her arms behind my back and pulled me down on top of her. Her legs locked around my legs, pinning me down.


    ¡°Yosefin, really?¡±


    ¡°Please?¡±


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    I gave in to Yosefin¡¯s sudden desire to cuddle. She wanted me to clutch her from behind so she could take a nap. As I tried to nap with her to avoid being bored since I wasn¡¯t that tired, I thought about the chances of the possible issues and insecurities she might go through on the dating app. I worried about her telling the truth about herself to any guys she was thinking about dating, including their possible reactions. They would probably hate her for not telling what she was. She would somehow have to find a guy that didn¡¯t care. Somebody that was more interested than I was.


    As the days went by, Yosefin got matches out of the wazoo. Within a week, she texted me saying that fifteen different men swiped to get the chance to talk with her. It wasn¡¯t until I sat in my chair to begin my sophomore semester in an introduction to low-level programming with her that she told me over the phone she hadn¡¯t attempted to see who liked her.


    ¡°Are you serious?¡± I said, cupping my voice to keep my conversation with Yosefin private from the students around me. ¡°Just spam the like button.¡±


    ¡°That sounds like a stupid idea. I don¡¯t want to pick a weirdo.¡±


    ¡°You can just unmatch them.¡±


    ¡°Oh...¡±


    She went silent for a few seconds then hung up on me when she appeared at the door. I ignored her energetic wave to check out the most tomboyish outfit she wore. She had on a white cap that was backward, a dark denim jacket with sleeves folded above her elbow, light sky-blue jeans, and white shoes. Her hair was perfectly straight and the blonde streaks were re-dyed. It flowed with grace when she jogged over to me to sit on the open chair to my left. The air behind her brought a wonderful scent of lemon and vanilla perfume.


    ¡°Heya, dude!¡± Yosefin said with a joyous quick hug before presenting me her phone. ¡°Do you mind helping with this?¡± I agreed to assist in picking which guys could be good for her. She snuggled her arms around my left arm and rested her face on it as she gave me the thumbs up or thumbs down for all fifteen guys. She denied all of them.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said in shock and loss for words. ¡°They were all good.¡±


    ¡°Nah.¡± Her response left me even more speechless. These guys genuinely seemed perfect for her. Judging by their photos, they all had outgoing personalities. Most of their pictures when done outside near establishments. They looked well-groomed, good-looking, and were looking to date.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say,¡± I said. Five more matches came in the second I said that. ¡°Pick at least one.¡± Yosefin took off her hat and looked at me without blinking for five seconds. ¡°Please. We agreed to do this.¡± She suddenly swiped to match with a guy but locked her phone before I could get a good look at him.


    ¡°There. Happy?¡± I wasn¡¯t happy, but at least I saw her try. ¡°So, who on there has stolen your heart?¡± Her words made me hesitant to show her who liked me. The subtle passive-aggressive clinginess over me didn¡¯t go away.


    ¡°Let¡¯s see,¡± I said, digging for my phone.


    Unfortunately, the professor came in and began to start the class. Yosefin let go of me to sit properly in her seat. Some students were still coming even though the professor was introducing what the whole class would be doing this semester.


    A woman came into class after a minute went by. She, like most women I saw in college was attractive to catch my immediate gaze but she had a particular uniqueness. The identity of her race confused me because she looked like a mix of Southern European, Hispanic, and Middle Eastern. Her skin was a milky brown. On her face from what I could only assume was a somewhat pissed look, her mouth was somewhat pushed forward, and her eyebrows kind of sunk over her eyes. She had pink lipstick, squared brows, light brown eyes, and long deep brown hair. Her outfit was nothing but black on black. Black shirt, black sweats; black shoes. The size of her arms, shoulders, and legs was bigger than everyone in the room. She seemed toned but I wasn¡¯t one hundred percent sure because of her clothing.


    Since she came in extremely late to the class, she was struggling to find an open seat. There was a seat in front of me yet she failed to see it until a random student sitting next to it pointed it out.


    ¡°Oh, god,¡± she sighed then lightly slapped the side of her face. ¡°I¡¯m so fucking blind. Thanks.¡± When she thanked the student she smiled. I noticed she had on a full set of dark pink braces. As she sat down, she glanced at me, still smiling. The whole moment lasted a second but that image stayed in my head for a minute. It felt like that smile was directed toward me.


    Five minutes before class ended, the professor finally called out who was here in attendance. He read the student¡¯s names going in alphabetical order of their last names. When he got to the letter B and said Yosefin¡¯s real name, she didn¡¯t correct him with her preferred name.


    ¡°You¡¯re not going to tell him it¡¯s Yosefin?¡± I said.


    ¡°No,¡± she snickered.


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Because it isn¡¯t my real name.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± I said, lowering my voice. ¡°To me it is.¡±


    ¡°That was one of the cutest things you¡¯ve said to me,¡± she said, using her fingers to quiet her voice. I looked forward to prevent myself from severely blushing. It didn¡¯t help that she was snickering and trying to make me look back by trying to put herself in my field of view.


    ¡°Stop,¡± I said. I blocked her entirely by putting my hand on the side of my face. The professor called my name during our shenanigans. He had to say my name twice before I said I was present. The woman who came in late caught my attention when I saw her swiping through her phone like a mad woman. All I could see were partial pictures going left or right across her screen. She stopped on a picture, leaned in closer to it, then turned on her front camera. I put my attention on Yosefin before I saw myself on the phone.


    ¡°So,¡± I said to play off from being noticed. Right before Yosefin could open her mouth, the professor gave out the woman¡¯s name. Naomi Plantier.


    ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± Naomi said, lightly waving her hand with the phone in it. She placed her phone near the edge of the table and kept occasionally staring at it like she was waiting for something. This lasted about a minute before the bell disrupted it.


    ¡°Awesome! Half an hour to the next class!¡± Yosefin said as she jumped out of her seat. ¡°Let¡¯s go to the den!¡± She rushed past everyone to wait outside. I got up when half of the class left. Naomi was still in her seat, watching people leave. She turned around to look at me when I was about to walk past.


    ¡°Joshua,¡± Naomi said, standing out of her seat with her phone clutched against her stomach. ¡°I don¡¯t know if you looked at your phone today,¡± she said with so many stutters. I thought she was about to have a seizure until she made another attempt at talking. ¡°Sorry. I didn¡¯t expect to get a chance to talk to you right off the bat.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m confused,¡± I said.


    ¡°The dating app you¡¯re on.¡± She pointed at her phone. ¡°I swiped on you.¡±


    ¡°Y- you did?¡±


    ¡°Yeah!¡±


    My phone was on silent so I didn¡¯t feel it vibrate. The first thing I saw on the app was Naomi¡¯s profile. Her bio stated she came from Greek immigrants. She just turned twenty-one and was seeking to make new friends but wouldn¡¯t mind going on dates if she met the perfect guy. All of her hobbies seemed casual. I didn¡¯t get any Yosefin vibes like an extremely outgoing personality. Even though we were very close friends, sometimes it would get annoying.


    ¡°I¡¯m a bit embarrassed about saying this,¡± Naomi said, looking off to her left where the dry-erase board was.


    ¡°Embarrassed about what?¡± Yosefin¡¯s face creeping around the door frame caught my eyes. Only her right eye and a third of her face were visible. She was squinting at us.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you out here.¡± She took me by arm out of the room and past Yosefin.


    ¡°Hey!¡± Yosefin said in a lightly aggressive tone as she grabbed my waist from the front to stop me. Naomi jumped. ¡°Where are you going with him?¡±


    ¡°Just out here,¡± she said, speaking fast.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I whispered through my teeth. ¡°What are you doing?¡± Yosefin stepped away with her arms crossed without answering my question. She leaned against the wall and messed around with her bare nails by touching them or digging her nails under them.


    ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡±


    ¡°No. My friend and I were supposed to go somewhere after class and she¡¯s being impatient.¡±


    ¡°Hmph,¡± Yosefin grunted.


    ¡°So, what were you going to say?¡±


    ¡°Oh!¡± Naomi gasped. ¡°Would you mind giving me a chance?¡± She asked so politely yet timidly. Her direct eye contact stopped halfway through her speech but came back with blushing cheeks.


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    ¡°Wonderful! Here¡¯s my number!¡± After I entered her number into my phone, she rushed to her next class on the top floor.


    ¡°Wow,¡± I chuckled at the quick success of finding someone on the app. ¡°What do you think of her, Yosefin?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not answering that question.¡± When I asked her why, she said with a smile, ¡°Nah, it¡¯s a stupid reason.¡±


    ¡°You can still tell me. I¡¯ll understand,¡± I said to satisfy my curiosity and show I¡¯m open to any weird response.


    ¡°I¡¯m not ready to give you away,¡± she said with her head down as if she was ashamed to say it. ¡°Before you say it.¡± She paused to put her finger up. ¡°I know. We never dated, yet it feels like I¡¯m getting replaced.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Yosefin...¡± I hugged her and held her close. ¡°You need to stop thinking like that.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. I know. I know.¡±


    ¡°Will this be a problem?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said with a slight hesitation then smiled.

 The New Contender

    ¡°Joshua! Yosefin¡¯s here!¡± My mother yelled from the foyer. I was in the middle of placing blue paint tape on the edges of the walls in my room when I heard her. When I heard Vanessa talking with Yosefin, I immediately stopped what I was doing and headed to the second-floor banister. Vanessa was already asking to see Yosefin¡¯s tattoos. They were covered again, but she used a cream-colored sweater to hide them.


    ¡°Vanessa!¡± I said to break her away from Yosefin. ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Vanessa said, shrugging her shoulders with her arms out to me. ¡°I never got to see them!¡±


    ¡°She doesn¡¯t want to show them!¡±


    ¡°Josh, it¡¯s okay,¡± Yosefin said. She waved her in a downward motion to tell me to settle down. ¡°Wait for me in your room, okay?¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± I said after squinting my eyes at my sister. She squinted too then resumed wanting to know about Yosefin¡¯s tattoos. I went back into my room to continue laying tape the second I saw Yosefin take off her sweater.


    Ten minutes later, Yosefin finally came into my room. At that time, I finished taping and started painting near the edges of the tape to make rolling paint an easier job for us. She threw her sweater on the bed and tied her hair back before she greeted me with a hug from behind. Her arms firmly yet comfortably clutched my waist.


    ¡°Hey, Joshy,¡± Yosefin said with her lips inches away from my ear.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I said, keeping my focus on painting the edges.


    ¡°Whatcha doing there, buddy?¡±


    ¡°Edging.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± She said nearly letting out a giggle. I realized what I said sounded dirty.


    ¡°You know what I meant.¡±


    ¡°You should have chosen better words.¡±


    ¡°Whatever,¡± I chuckled.


    I told Yosefin to get to work helping me paint my room. We took turns rolling paint on five walls in my room. My mother wanted me to paint my white walls different colors because she got tired of seeing the scuffed marks and broken pieces of dry walls from my childhood. I fixed up what I could before calling Yosefin to help out. I knew she would happily spend time with me. This was her first time seeing my room. Too bad it was empty of furniture.


    The whole task lasted about an hour. Yosefin sat on my bed to rest while I sat on the floor with my back on against the bedframe. My face was near her knee and when she saw me glance at it, she put herself directly behind me. Her knees were about a hand length from my ears. They smelled like cinnamon and were soft to the touch as usual.


    ¡°So,¡± Yosefin said as she took my hairband off, and gently combed her fingers through my hair. ¡°Is that girl the perfect one?¡±


    ¡°Naomi?¡± I asked for clarification.


    ¡°Who else?¡±


    ¡°She seems cool,¡± I said when I pushed her legs closer to my face. ¡°Any luck with you?¡± All she gave me for an answer was a grunt-like growl. ¡°Are you even trying?¡± Her feet turned inward over my chest. And she stopped combing my hair. The more indicators I saw that she wasn¡¯t, it made me a bit annoyed. But, it was the type of annoyance that made me sympathize with what she truly wanted. ¡°Yosefin,¡± I sighed. ¡°You gotta try.¡± She stayed quiet so I had to sit up and look her in the eyes. She was frowning with her mouth shifted to the side. For a moment, she wouldn¡¯t look at me. When I whispered her name, her cheeks slowly began blushing pink. ¡°Yosefin...¡±


    ¡°Stop,¡± she said, shutting her eyes and tucking her head down. ¡°Just... stop...¡±


    ¡°Stop what?¡± I playfully nudge the top of my head into her stomach to make her laugh. It took two more tries for her to giggle. On the fourth nudge, she redirected my head upward to bring me to face level with her. She held it there and couldn¡¯t stop glancing at my lips. ¡°No,¡± I said, slowly taking her hands off my face. ¡°We agreed to stop.¡±


    ¡°Jesus Christ,¡± she smiled like she was going to cry. Her eyes did get watery, but she kept herself from tearing after taking a deep breath. ¡°I hate you. I really want to punch you in the gut and then cry about how I¡¯ll never treat you horribly again.¡±


    ¡°Why would you do all of that?¡± I said with a nervous chuckle.


    ¡°I,¡± she paused to kiss me on the cheek. ¡± I think I need a therapist.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because when I look at you, my heart melts.¡± She then added, ¡°But you want to date girls and make me see other guys,¡± she whined. She smiled and chuckled even though it felt like she was complaining. ¡°Like, fuck! I¡¯m right here, Josh!¡±


    ¡°Settle down, Yosefin,¡± I said with my hands massaging her shoulders. ¡°You¡¯re scaring me.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m so sorry!¡± She said, cupping her hands over her mouth. I looked behind me at the door that led to the second-floor hallway to see if there was anyone there before I hugged Yosefin. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Josh.¡±


    ¡°I know... I know,¡± I gently said before I kissed her on the cheek. ¡°But, you got to let me go. You didn¡¯t want me when I suggested I should look the other way.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the issue. I didn¡¯t want you to ignore me like that.¡±


    ¡°But you¡¯re being wishy-washy about it now.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± she said, slapping her hands over her face. ¡°I want you. No... I fantasized about having you. Yet, it¡¯ll never be a true relationship if you ignore that one thing about me.¡± Her words hit me deep in my feelings. I understood more of the dilemma she was going through and how it was eating inside her. ¡°I fucking hate this,¡± she cried. ¡°Why did I fucking mutate into this fucking mix of.... Whatever!?¡±


    ¡°Easy,¡± I said then shushed her in hopes she¡¯ll won¡¯t yell again. ¡°Don¡¯t talk like that.¡±


    There were a few options I could do to make her feel better in hopes it would make her not sad. One option was to make her think optimistically about how she could find the one that¡¯ll take her as she is. The problem with that one was that she already heard it before. Option two was to cuddle or snuggle, depending on which was enough to subdue her sadness. I chose to tackle both simultaneously.


    I locked my door so no one would come in on us. My parents and sister didn¡¯t know about the type of close friendship we had, so I didn¡¯t want them freaking out if they happened to see us lying on the bed holding each other.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said when I stood between her legs. ¡°Let¡¯s... cuddle.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She stuttered.


    ¡°You heard me.¡± I tried to act serious but I couldn¡¯t keep my voice at a steady pitch.


    ¡°You can¡¯t be serious, right?¡± To show I was, I took her shoes off and laid her on her back by lifting her legs in the air. ¡°Oh, mein Gott. (Oh, my god.)¡± She looked at the door and then at me with the same open eyes.


    ¡°How do you want to do it?¡± My voice was shaky and my confidence was dropping.


    ¡°Why are you doing this?¡± She said yet tugged on my shirt to reel me closer. ¡°I thought we agreed to never do this again.¡± Her words made it seem like she didn¡¯t want it, but her gaze and grip said otherwise. She became a mouth breather the more she stared.


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    ¡°Do you want my shirt off?¡±


    ¡°Is the..?¡± She stopped to look at the door.


    ¡°It is.¡±


    Before I could fully lay on top of her, she held me back with her hands on my chest. I moved away and sat on the corner of the bed while she lay there, gazing at the ceiling with her arms crossed over her lap.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± I said. ¡°Honestly.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know anymore,¡± she said. She rolled on her left side into the fetal position.


    ¡°Oh, Yosefin.¡± I tried again. She let me spoon from behind. She even backed up to fit her ass in my lap. ¡°Have you been talking to anyone on the app?¡±


    ¡°Couple of guys and some girls are interested in me,¡± she quietly mumbled.


    ¡°Interested... to chat?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I haven¡¯t talked to them.¡±


    The second I was going to ask if I could look through her phone, she handed it to me unlocked. It was showing all the direct messages she got over the days. There were so many people wanting to speak with her. I scrolled down to the bottom to see who was in the first match. It was a guy. He looked familiar. I couldn¡¯t figure out where I saw him, so I checked more into their match. The date record said they matched four days ago.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said, showing her the phone. ¡°Was this the guy matched with in class?¡± She squinted and leaned forward towards the phone for a second before nodding. His name was James Boga. He was twenty years old, single, had a full-time job, and was looking for love. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with this guy? He looks all right to me.¡±


    ¡°Hmph,¡± Yosefin grunted out her nose, displaying no interest as she laid her head back down.


    ¡°Say hi.¡± She continued to grunt but it sounded whiny. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll do it.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you dare,¡± she said through her teeth as she rolled over to look at me.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to do it.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± We wrestled for control of the phone. I didn¡¯t plan on going through with it but I wanted to know the extent of how much she disliked this plan we agreed upon. She was trying her best to push my hands away from getting the phone. Her face got red the more she struggled. I felt bad about trying to get it and being overpowering so I stopped.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯m done.¡± She stuffed her phone down her bra. That tactic brought a dark memory of when she took my phone from me when I was a fool for Kat. I crossed my arm over my chest to show her I wouldn¡¯t bother trying.


    ¡°Ha!¡± She poked my hand while giggling.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said, rolling my eyes and groaning. ¡°If you won¡¯t take this seriously, so be it. I¡¯m done trying to help you,¡± I ranted without slowing down. ¡°I want you to be happy and try something I can¡¯t give to you. You can¡¯t live your life always around me.¡± She tucked her lips in and took a deep breath in and out through her nose.


    ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± she said after wiping the tears from her eyes with her thumbs. She opened her phone and started rapidly texting someone with both of her thumbs. Her eyes darted left and right like she was quickly skimming through words. ¡°Okay... I... hit up James and apologized to him about not replying for days.¡± The fact that she apologized surprised me. There was no need for it. Nowhere in her message did I see anyone ask if she was there. They all greeted her but never followed up on that.


    ¡°Good,¡± I praised and gave her a tender punch to the side of her shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re doing this.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± she sighed then held my left hand from the top. I flipped my hand so we could hold hands. She saw that and smiled at me. ¡°What do you wanna do?¡± She asked when she laid her head on my shoulder.


    ¡°Whatever you want,¡± I said in hopes she would do the obvious.


    ¡°Whatever I want?¡± She said softly. ¡°Like... anything?¡±


    ¡°Anything.¡±


    We didn¡¯t get the chance to cuddle and I was hoping she would ask me for it, or do something close. Yosefin decided we should put my room back together. I was surprised but somewhat relieved she didn¡¯t do what I expected. It was commendable.


    After a week passed, Naomi and I agreed to meet each other at a public park that had running trails, playgrounds, and soccer fields for our first date. I came in a bit late because I was so focused on looking good. She was sitting alone at a wooden table with her head in her hands.


    ¡°Yo!¡± I said.


    ¡°Jesus fuck!¡± Naomi jumped and crossed her hand over her heart. ¡°Joshua,¡± she giggled. ¡°You freaking scared me!¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said, looking away to see if anyone heard her scream. At that moment, she ran in for a surprise hug.


    ¡°Thanks for coming!¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re welcome?¡± I was confused as to why she said that. It sounded like she was worried I wouldn¡¯t.


    ¡°Wow! You smell great!¡± She got on her toes to take a whiff of my neck. ¡°It¡¯s amazing!¡±


    ¡°Thanks.¡±


    Yosefin was the one who gave me her cologne the day before I came here. I never thought she would do that. She seemed like the type who would not want me to achieve a good impression right off the bat. I thought she would still be clingy and complain to me about why she was the better match than all women in the world. So far, she kept her cool.


    ¡°So,¡± I said slowly. ¡°Why did we come here?¡±


    ¡°Could we, y¡¯know... Talk first,¡± Naomi said, anxiously rubbing her hands together.


    ¡°Talk?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she nodded quickly. ¡°I don¡¯t want today to count as a date.¡±


    ¡°Uhh,¡± I hummed as I tried to figure out what the hell we were doing. ¡°Are we hanging out?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she pointed at me with both of her fingers. ¡°More like a meet and greet.¡±


    ¡°Okay...¡± A meet and greet sounded a bit dumb. We already did that when we first saw each other in class.


    I followed Naomi to a stone bench and table with a giant umbrella. She sat down first, patting the open space to her left. I sat with my arms crossed in my lap. She was in the same posture but had a lovely smile on her face. Her pearly white teeth and braces were showing through the gaps of her pink smooth lips.


    ¡°Could I, like...¡± Naomi says, struggling to get her words. ¡°Ask a whole bunch of questions about you?¡±


    ¡°Uh, sure,¡± I said because I was scared to question the details of what she would ask. She asked me about any red flags I despised if we dated. ¡°Jealousy,¡± I said right off the bad.


    ¡°Oh,¡± she giggled. ¡°Jealous like me getting upset you¡¯re talking to other girls, right?¡±


    ¡°Mhmm,¡± I said, nodding. ¡°I got a friend that has issues with that.¡±


    ¡°Let me guess. The girl that you sit with?¡±


    ¡°Lucky guess,¡± I said, giving her a tender knuckle nudge to her meaty thigh. It felt like I was touching a firm pillow. ¡°Wow... your thigh is...¡±


    ¡°Thick?¡± Thick was an accurate statement but not the word I was thinking of. ¡°I lift weights.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± She took out her phone to show me several pictures of her posing half-naked, flexing her muscles. ¡°Wow!¡± They were so stunning that I had to focus my mind on something else to prevent me from getting an erection. Her body was more defined than mine. She took her phone away from me to look ahead in the gallery. One picture came up and she quickly locked the phone.


    ¡°Whoa!¡± She said and put her phone in her pocket. ¡°That was close.¡±


    ¡°What was it?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± she said, looking at the ground for a quick second before looking directly at me. ¡°I¡¯m a bit of a narcissist when it comes to how I look.¡± I didn¡¯t fully understand what she meant until she clarified it. ¡°I take nudes of myself... sometimes.¡± My heart jumped. I kind of wanted to see but was scared to ask her since we were just getting to know each other.


    ¡°Why?¡± I asked to appease my curiosity.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a good reason,¡± she blushed. That answer wasn¡¯t going to cut it. I wanted to know a better reason. For the sake of our first hangout, I decided to avoid asking her about it. If a conversation led back to that subject, I would bring it up in a heartbeat.


    ¡°Do you have any more questions for me?¡±


    ¡°So your friend. What¡¯s her name?¡± I nearly said Yosefin instead of Yose. Naomi didn¡¯t know about Yosefin¡¯s other name. I didn¡¯t think I should be the one to tell Naomi until I consulted Yosefin if I could use it.


    ¡°Yose,¡± I answered in a weak voice.


    ¡°Would she become jealous if we dated?¡± I tried my hardest to not smile or be uncomfortable. She watched me squirm to avoid the question. ¡°Wow, she¡¯s got you worried.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± I lied. She gave me the most judgmental face. I couldn¡¯t look her in the eyes for more than two seconds. ¡°Okay! I am,¡± I confessed with my head on the table.


    ¡°You know what you should do,¡± she said, sitting shoulder to shoulder with leg touching mine.


    ¡°What?¡± I said, turning to see her. She laid her head down inches from the tip of my nose.


    ¡°Simply not care,¡± she said when she pulled my hand to hold it in her warm lap.


    ¡°Easier said than done. We¡¯re... close. Like... very close.¡±


    ¡°I know how that feels.¡± She told me a story about a guy friend she dated. It led to an extremely toxic relationship where they couldn¡¯t let each other see new people. She finally had enough drama and removed herself from his life to move on. After a year went by, she felt it was time to love whether it turned into a friendship or a relationship. ¡°So,¡± she said. ¡°Don¡¯t let Yose sour our time together, okay? I don¡¯t want any major drama.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll try. It might take a bit of talking.¡±


    ¡°Will you promise me?¡± I felt her pinky curl around mine. ¡°She¡¯s not your girl or anything, right?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s not.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± Her pinky tightened a little. When I firmly held it, she grinned. ¡°Let me hear you say it,¡± she whispered. Her gentle voice gave me a wonderful shiver down my neck. ¡°Promise Yose or even other people won¡¯t push us away.¡±


    ¡°I promise,¡± I said without thinking of the other factors that could be a problem.


    ¡°Thanks, Joshua,¡± she said as she hugged me. ¡°So,¡± she let out a single chuckle. ¡°Can I continue asking you questions?¡±


    We went back and forth asking each other questions for over an hour. One question led to several minutes of talking about it. Sometimes we would get off-topic and discuss other unrelated things. I felt like I found a woman I could genuinely connect with. We damn near shared the same hobby interests. She was primarily a homebody type of person but enjoyed going out a few times a month. She played video games on the latest console yet she admitted to being not good at them.


    Naomi¡¯s personality felt friendly in the sense she would choose to get along with all people. I admired and was relieved to hear her say that. The drama I went through the previous year changed me. Yosefin¡¯s cries and anger, including what I did with Kat kept haunting me. I was worried about getting into more drama with Yosefin for talking to other women, but at the same time, I wasn¡¯t. If she were to get mad, I would try to stand my ground. We both knew it would never truly work out. It was time for a change.

 Feline Fury

    After my work shift, I headed to the cafeteria to wait for Yosefin to get off work. At that point, it was automatic. Since we got our jobs here, we always came there to chill, snack, and talk about our day. I always picked the same table that gave me the perfect view of the coffee building. It was lined up directly in the middle of the store. We could see each other. Sometimes she would quickly wave her hand, smile when she saw me looking, or try to make me laugh by making a weird face. Most of the time, I didn¡¯t have to wait long. After twenty minutes, I would see her disappear to the left of the store and skip out the employee door over to me.


    ¡°Joshy,¡± Yosefin said, stretching out the last letter until she said beside me.


    ¡°What?¡± I chuckled. She threw her cap on the table and then laid her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her to make myself comfortable.


    ¡°Today was sweaty,¡± she groaned. I noticed some strains of her hair were sticking to her forehead.


    ¡°Why?¡± I said, putting the strains of her hair with the rest of them.


    ¡°The AC in the store wasn¡¯t working properly. I feel so sticky.¡± She shook her shirt and wafted the air on her face to cool down. I bought her a cold bottle of pink lemonade and got myself a cola fountain drink. She drank half of it before I took a sip of my drink, then let out a loud massive burp. ¡°Excuse me.¡± The sound tingled my ears. No one around heard the lion roar. Even she was surprised by what she did. She was looking at everyone around her with her hand over her mouth. ¡°Holy shit,¡± she whispered.


    ¡°Holy shit indeed.¡±


    ¡°Anyways,¡± she said then took a quick sip. ¡°How was your day?¡±


    ¡°Same old same old.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to hear that.¡± She scooted closer with her hip touching mine and said, ¡°Wanna chill at my place?¡± The way she was looking at me when she asked gave me mixed signals. She was gazing at me from the side and her lips on her bottle. As much as I wanted to appease my curiosity, I had plans with Naomi after work.


    ¡°I can¡¯t. I¡¯m going to see Noami.¡± Her smile dripped. She put her bottle on the table and then laid her head there with her arms crossed under it. ¡°We can hang out tomorrow.¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately, I have a date too... with this guy.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she answered without any emotion. I was ecstatic. I hugged her, patted her on the back, and told her how proud I was. ¡°Stop cheering. This is nothing to celebrate about.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡± All I got were rolling eyes and a scoffing grunt. She shut down on me. When I asked why again, she closed her eyes and hid her face in the bend of her arm. ¡°Is there something wrong about him?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she mumbled. ¡°He¡¯s nice,¡± she said, sitting upright. ¡°He wants to take me out to a fancy dinner.¡±


    ¡°So,¡± I said, rotating my hands as tried to think of what else to add. ¡°Why shouldn¡¯t I be excited?¡±


    ¡°Do I have to say it, Josh?¡± I leaned closer to her, squinting my eyes to check each of her eyes. ¡°I¡¯m still not ready to give you up yet.¡± Before I could say anything or make the slightest movement, she said, ¡°Please don¡¯t get mad at me.¡± She held my forearm when she said that. It prevented me from chewing her ass out in the kindest way possible. ¡°I¡¯m struggling to move away from you.¡± I was annoyed at this point. If she were to tell me to say something nice, I wouldn¡¯t be able to find the words. Her constant reminders that she hadn¡¯t moved on or that she was finding it hard to be with someone began to get under my skin.


    ¡°Why are you acting like you want to get back with me?¡± I said after finally finding the words. ¡°We never dated.¡±


    ¡°I know... but...


    ¡°But what?¡± I almost snapped.


    ¡°You¡¯re my first,¡± she said, looking at the table with her forearms crossed over her lap. ¡°First hug, first kiss, first cuddle, and first to touch me.¡±


    ¡°Touch me,¡± I echoed to help me figure out what she meant by that. ¡°What do you mean?¡± She told me all of our intimate moments where I had my hands in different places on her body. I remembered some like the time she allowed me to touch her breasts to show that they were not fake and touching her ass, but all the things she brought up left me blushing.


    ¡°I don¡¯t remember doing all of that,¡± I said as I recalled all of our moments. Everything came back like a light bulb bursting after it short-circuited from turning on.


    ¡°You don¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°Nevermind. I do.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said then smiled. ¡°You¡¯re so special to me,¡± she said softly near my ear before backing away to talk normally. ¡°This thing we¡¯re doing is upsetting me.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m doing this for our benefit. You know there¡¯s a line between us I¡¯m uncomfortable crossing.¡±


    ¡°We wouldn¡¯t have to cross it.¡±


    I got a text message from Naomi asking if we were still going out together right before I was about to erupt on Yosefin for suggesting I ignore what we agreed upon and that there were some things we couldn¡¯t do because of what she was. Naomi wanted me to come with her to have dinner at a buffet restaurant. I texted her to confirm our date. Yosefin didn¡¯t give me any privacy and watched the whole conversation.


    ¡°Where are y¡¯all going?¡± Yosefin said.


    ¡°Buff Cake Buffet,¡± I said to not be an ass. She looked up the restaurant on her phone to read the details.


    ¡°Seems cool.¡± I zoned out while she talked about how the place looked nice and how the food seemed delicious. My mind was on her last statement before she asked me where I was going. After all the things we agreed we wouldn¡¯t do and the fact that we were trying to see other people, I was annoyed yet shocked she recommended that.


    ¡°Yosefin.¡± I sighed. She looked at me without saying anything. Her thumb pressed the button on the side of the phone to lock it. ¡°Never mind.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± she said, touching the middle part of my thigh before lightly squeezing it. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m being an ass.¡± That statement nearly made me chuckle. ¡°I¡¯m serious,¡± she said with a snicker. ¡°I¡¯m trying. I really am. I plan on coming back here to pick out a dress to wear for James.¡±


    ¡°Good.¡±


    ¡°Would you mind helping me choose which he¡¯ll like tomorrow?¡± I said yes since I didn¡¯t have anything to do on that day but work. ¡°All I have is the yellow dress I wore when we went on that trip.¡± That dress looked amazing on her when I first saw it. But, it didn¡¯t feel right to be used for a date. Her yellow dress was cute and fit the spring season. If I was James, I would expect her to wear the most dazzling dress out there. Something that would show a modest amount of her figure. It had to be sexy yet classy.


    ¡°I¡¯ll come and help you,¡± I said.


    ¡°Thanks,¡± she said while giving me a tight hug.


    We said our goodbyes and headed home after lollygagging in the mall for half an hour. Several hours later, I met Naomi at Buff Cake. She was waiting outside for me, sitting on a bench with her head on her phone. The outfit she wore looked slick. She dressed a bit for a casual dinner date. Her shirt was a loose-fitting black long-sleeve button. It was neatly tucked in her dark blue jeans. She wore low-profile high heels that had thick heels and an opening view of her toes. My collar shirt and jeans made me feel like I was underdressed.


    I got out of my car and was able to stand two feet in front of her without Naomi noticing me. She jumped to her feet when she looked up from her phone. The top of her head stopped around the height of my eyebrows.


    ¡°Hi!¡± Naomi said. She fumbled to put her phone inside her handbag. ¡°Get the fuck in there,¡± she whispered through her teeth. Once she found a spot and zipped up the handbag, she opened her arms out for a hug. I came in tightly putting my arms around the middle part of her back. She tightened the hold by squeezing herself closer to my body. ¡°It¡¯s so nice to see you again. You look good.¡±


    ¡°So do you,¡± I said once we let go. ¡°I feel like I¡¯m underdressed.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± She blushed to the point she couldn¡¯t look me directly in the eyes. ¡°I think you look perfect.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but blush too. It took us a moment to look into each other¡¯s eyes. I felt like I was back in my high school days, blushing at a simple compliment from a beautiful girl. ¡°Come on,¡± she said, locking her arm around mine. ¡°I¡¯m starving!¡±


    We had a wonderful time at the buffet. She got to know a bit about what I went through during my first semester. I alluded to some of the lewdful crap I did with Kat, but I went off into talking about how angry Yosefin got. Naomi expressed her worries about us if we got close because of Yosefin¡¯s history. I told her my plan with Yosefin on getting dates and reassured her that she wouldn¡¯t be a problem. Naomi praised Yosefin¡¯s courage for seeking others after the close friendship we had. She commented that having me as the only friend and love interest was odd. Putting all her time on me wasn¡¯t normal, which I agreed to. She asked me if she could give Yosefin advice on what to look for while dating. It took me a second to tell her it would depend on Yosefin because she was into those love books she showed me last year. I said go for it but don¡¯t expect her to take it.


    The next after work, I roamed with Yosefin in a woman¡¯s store while she shopped for dresses to wear. I became her mobile shopping cart, holding all the dresses she wanted, but it didn¡¯t mind being used. I liked how seriously she was taking our plan. She didn¡¯t look like she wasn¡¯t enjoying searching for what to wear. I didn¡¯t hear a huff or a puff when we wandered all over the place.


    After she got what she found was nice, she headed to the changing room. There was a separate room I sat in that was at the entrance. I wasn¡¯t the only one sitting in the room. There was an old and young couple showing off their outfits. Yosefin came to me after three minutes of waiting. She came out barefooted with her first dress. She wore a similar dress that reminded me of the one she had during the spring. This one was white but came down to her shins. It had blue and white flowers all over it. The straps that rested over her shoulders were thin. The whole dress perfectly showed her figure modestly. Her boobs were covered yet a good portion of her upper chest was visible.


    ¡°Hey, what do you think?¡± Yosefin said.


    ¡°You look good,¡± I said. I pulled on the dress where her hips were to feel what the texture felt like. It felt rough yet looked smooth at a glance.


    ¡°I noticed that too. Let me try on the others.¡± She left before I could confirm that was true. A few minutes later she came out barefooted again with a horizontal black and white striped long-sleeve dress. This one conformed to her body. The hem ended at the middle of her thighs but had a weird split around the left thigh. It felt like it was designed to make the dress sexy by exposing more of her legs. I couldn¡¯t keep my eyes off it and she used that to her advantage.


    ¡°You like?¡± She said, grinning. She stood with her left leg out in front to give me the perfect pose. ¡°I think this might be the winner, ja?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± I stuttered while I thought about whether I should say that I didn¡¯t care for the strip pattern or ignore it.


    ¡°Is there something wrong?¡± She brought her leg back and stood normally, clearing my brain fog.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like the stripes.¡±


    ¡°Schei?e! (Crap!)¡±


    ¡°But it¡¯s sexy,¡± I said softly to avoid the other couples from hearing my compliment as I jumped out of my seat. ¡°I like the way you look in it.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± She asked with her voice matching mine, creeping closer to me. She cupped her hands together in front of her lips and asked, ¡°Could you tell me what stands out to you?¡± The two details that stood out were her hourglass shape figure and her how legs looked coming out from the dress. When I told her what I liked she immediately hid her face by using my chest. Her hand was still on her mouth but I could see her smiling. She was blushing.


    ¡°Did I say something embarrassing?¡± I asked as a joke.


    ¡°I like it when you compliment me,¡± she said, looking dead in my eyes. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I felt shy from your words.¡± I became shy about being honest. My heart rate jumped. The fact that it had been some time since I complimented her aroused my ego. I felt the desire to feed her shyness with more compliments.


    ¡°If I was dating you, it would be hard to not stare and be amazed.¡±


    ¡°Stop it,¡± she giggled. ¡°Maybe if I could find another dress that isn¡¯t striped, you would be bewitched.¡±


    ¡°Bewitched?¡± I chuckled.


    ¡°Maybe.¡±


    She poked my stomach and slowly strolled back toward the dressing room. Her ass kept bouncing on every step she took. Once she entered the room, she looked over her shoulder and watched me stare as used her left hand to guide herself to her room. If I was still acting shy, I would have looked away the instant she saw me. Maybe I should¡¯ve stopped and acted with more respect. We were seeing other people for the sake of our friendship, but we began acting like we were into each other. When she walked into the stall, I thought I would revert to distancing myself. Unfortunately, I got more eager to see the other dresses.


    Instead of coming out with the next dress, she texted me to come over to the stall. I didn¡¯t know precisely where she was from where I stood so I had to look under the doors to find her feet. I saw them three doors in. They were facing to the right when she crept the door open.


    The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.


    ¡°Quick, come in,¡± she said. I stormed in after I saw that no one was looking my way. ¡°Hey,¡± she whispered. ¡°Check this out.¡± My eyes caught her hanging bra on a hook before she directed me to her outfit. She had on a deep vibrant red somewhat tight dress with pinky finger thin straps. The length stopped below the knees right above the shin. ¡°Is this too much?¡±


    ¡°Um,¡± I said while checking her out without getting overly excited at how amazing she looked. The dress looked sexier but I was worried it wouldn¡¯t be proper for a first day date. ¡°Maybe, unless you¡¯re going to a club.¡±


    ¡°I had that feeling too.¡± She examined herself in a mirror, touching her boobs and hips. ¡°I¡¯m starting to see it as a bit risqu¨¦.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I said in my normal voice before slapping my hand over my mouth.


    ¡°You know,¡± she said close to me with her hand over her mouth. ¡°This is something I would wear before...¡± She stood on her toes to reach my left ear to say she would theoretically use the dress as a tool to arouse a guy before having sex. I never thought I would imagine her ever doing that. The flashes of images I created in my mind grossed me the fuck out but didn¡¯t at the same time.


    ¡°I believe that.¡±


    ¡°That would be a weird time.¡± Her cheeks began turning red the more she spoke about it. ¡°Who would wanna do that with me? How would I get them to agree with that, y¡¯know?¡± I didn¡¯t know what to tell her at the moment. They were important questions that left us stumped. I thought I found a good answer and when I told her, she looked at me like I was insane.


    ¡°Maybe James would,¡± I suggested.


    ¡°You¡¯re crazy!¡± She gasped and then yelled softly.


    ¡°No?¡±


    ¡°James would ghost me if I told or showed him what I am.¡± That remark was what I feared she would come across. ¡°According to his interest, he¡¯s into women, Josh,¡± she said while looking at herself in the mirror. ¡°I¡¯m not that.¡± Before I could think of something to say, she said, ¡°Plus, I¡¯m not into him like that. I just want to be friends.¡±


    ¡°And that¡¯s okay. You don¡¯t have to spill the beans about what you are to everyone.¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± She said, eyeing me through the mirror. ¡°When should I do it?¡±


    ¡°To the ones that absolutely accept that part of.¡±


    ¡°So, someone like you?¡± She said when she turned around. I told her I was a terrible example of a person who could accept the fact that she was. No matter what examples I brought up from our past, she believed I would be more accepting than the next guy. ¡°Stop it!.¡± Her soft hands gently grasped my cheeks. I was mesmerized by her little smile. My body felt arousingly warm and lightweight. ¡°I could make out with you right now and you probably wouldn¡¯t be bothered by it.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin... we¡¯re seeing others. We can¡¯t do this.¡±


    ¡°Then push me away right now if you believe that.¡± I put my hands on her hips to ready myself, but I couldn¡¯t take her away from me. Her lips were tempting me to go in. Maybe if I could let this one slide, she would be satisfied with me and focus on other people.


    ¡°I can¡¯t. I probably wouldn¡¯t be bothered by it¡±


    ¡°Well, well, well,¡± she giggled. Her hands came off of my face to move my hands away from her hips to hold them out in front. ¡°I wonder what else you¡¯re okay doing?¡±


    ¡°Come on, Yosefin...¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She blushed.


    ¡°Let¡¯s stay focused.¡± Without warning, she threw off her straps. The dress fell to her waist. I looked away the second I saw the top left part of her nipple. ¡°Really, dude?¡±


    ¡°Oh, shut up. Stop acting like it¡¯s your first time. You played with them.¡± Another fact that left me momentarily speechless.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna go outside...¡±


    ¡°Kay. I¡¯ll be out there soon to show you the rest.¡±


    I had a smile on my face I couldn¡¯t take away as I calmly walked back to my seat. No matter how hard I tried, it stayed and unfortunately grew bigger. She nearly made me want to make out with her and made me shy at the sight of her boobs. I thought coming to help her shop for a dress would be a simple pick, choose, and leave type of situation. I didn¡¯t expect she would open up more about her feelings.


    ¡°Goddamn, it. What the hell is wrong with you?¡± I whispered to myself, shaking my head. I told myself I needed to focus on helping her for the rest of the day and avoid talking about our feelings. ¡°Don¡¯t let her get to you,¡± I said out loud four times when I was rubbing my eyes.


    ¡°You okay?¡± A familiar voice said. I quickly turned my right with my eyes and then looked at their face.


    ¡°Kat?¡± I said after gasping in shock. My heart dipped into my stomach.


    ¡°Hey,¡± she said then looked around as she was searching for someone. ¡°Is... Yosefin with you?¡± I lazily pointed my thumb at the changing rooms the moment I saw Yosefin exit the stall. She didn¡¯t notice me pointing because her head was down.


    ¡°This one is simple,¡± Yosefin said walking right in front of Kat without noticing her. ¡°It¡¯s fully made of polyester. Touch it.¡± She stood between my knees at half an arm¡¯s length. It was a long-sleeved dark red dress that cuffed around her wrist and stopped above the middle part of her thighs. A thick portion of the hem is buckled for a wavy design. I touched it and pinched at the fabric around her stomach to feel how soft it was.


    ¡°It¡¯s very soft,¡± I said while not trying to glance at Kat. ¡°It looks great on you.¡±


    ¡°Great! I got two more to show you and we¡¯ll be done. I think if found my two.¡±


    ¡°All right.¡± She took a few steps back and turned the opposite way, completely avoiding Kat. My heart stopped momentarily and sunk deeper into my stomach.


    ¡°She looked nice in that,¡± Kat said quietly. ¡°What¡¯s the occasion if you don¡¯t mind me asking.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s going on a date with a guy.¡±


    ¡°Wait, what?!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a long story.¡±


    ¡°Aren¡¯t,¡± she paused to quickly look into the changing rooms. ¡°Y¡¯all like... super close? I thought you two would be dating.¡±


    ¡°Like I said,¡± I sighed after I thought about the reasons Yosefin wants me over anyone else. ¡°It¡¯s a long story.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± she said after clearing her throat. ¡°I¡¯ll... head somewhere else and be out of y¡¯all¡¯s way.¡±


    Kat disappeared before Yosefin could see her. I didn¡¯t dare mention that Kat talked to me and was nearby. Yosefin and were having a fun time and if she heard that Kat come by, it could sour her mood. So, I kept my mouth shut while she showed me the rest of the nice dresses.


    Yosefin bought three dresses worth eighty dollars. Later that day before she went on her date, she video-called me because she was having cold feet. She was sitting on her bed in a white bra and had on a gray pair of basketball-looking shorts.


    ¡°You¡¯ve got to be kidding me,¡± I said.


    ¡°No jokes here,¡± she said, smirking. ¡°I¡¯m pussying out.¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯re not. Go get ready.¡±


    ¡°Josh,¡± she whined, moving off camera. ¡°I am so freaking nervous that I¡¯ve pooped three times today!¡± She continued rambling on about how much anxiety she was going through while getting herself dressed in and out of view of the camera. It was funny to see her scurry around the room yet complain nonstop about what she was dealing with. There were many invalid excuses she brought up. Yet in all that talk, she was ready to see James in her stunning dress.


    ¡°You look great,¡± I said.


    ¡°Thanks and thank you for making me change my mind. I¡¯ll tell you how it goes tomorrow,¡± she said then ended the video call.


    ¡°But, I didn¡¯t do anything,¡± I said, looking at Yosefin¡¯s profile picture in the menu of the video app. I felt like the video call was a rouse for her to see me before she left. It wasn¡¯t until I was fast asleep that I realized that even though she wasn¡¯t dressed, she had makeup around her eyes. She probably was going to go anyway if I didn¡¯t answer the call.


    The next morning, I arrived at the campus a bit early. For some odd reason, my route got all the green lights. I had fifteen minutes to spare so I used it to wait in an empty open lounge close to my class. Around five minutes in, I saw a few of my classmates walking back to sit in the classroom. I thought about heading in to take my seat until I saw Kat walking by. When she saw me looking at her, she froze. We awkwardly stared at each other without moving a single inch so I was forced to say something.


    ¡°Uh, hi,¡± I said. ¡°Are you... good?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, yeah,¡± she said, walking over to me. ¡°What are you doing here?¡±


    ¡°Waiting for my class to start,¡± I said, pointing at my classroom.


    ¡°Wow,¡± I said slightly smiling. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were close by. What¡¯s that class for?¡±


    ¡°Computer science.¡±


    ¡°Oh! That¡¯s,¡± she hummed for a few seconds before talking again. ¡°That¡¯s like, computer programming, right?¡± I nodded. ¡°So,¡± she said, taking a seat next to me. ¡°Have you made video games?¡± A large amount of her perfume funneled into my nose without warning.


    ¡°Not yet,¡± I said, holding back a cough. ¡°Eventually I will in the fall.¡±


    ¡°That must be exciting.¡± I had to think about if it was or not. So far, the assignments felt easy to understand but I knew they would get crazy later in the semester. Every class would eventually become difficult no matter what subject. It was inevitable.


    ¡°To be honest. I¡¯m nervous if I¡¯ll make it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be fine,¡± she said, soothing my knee gently for a short moment. ¡°When in doubt, find a tutor.¡±


    ¡°I might¡ª¡± Out from the corner of my right eye, I saw Yosefin¡¯s blonde hair come into view. She was hawking down Kat who hadn¡¯t noticed her yet. Her elbow was on the couch and she was resting her chin on top of her knuckles. I tried my best to avoid Yosefin to keep the conversation going but I kept stuttering. When Kat put her hand away from her face, she saw Yosefin and immediately hid her face. ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said because I was afraid she¡¯d explode. She glanced at me then stared back at her. The silence was deafening. A few moments later, Namoi walked by.


    ¡°Yo, Joshua!¡± Naomi waved. ¡°Morning Yosefin!¡± Yosefin¡¯s neutral expression became snarky. Her brows came down into her eyes. Naomi stopped walking towards the class and looked at me with worry. ¡°Is that, Kat?¡± She said, mouthing the words. I soothed my lip with my finger and tried to nod my head without Yosefin and Kat knowing.


    ¡°Hey... Yosefin,¡± Kat said in a weak voice. ¡°How¡¯s it going?¡± Yosefin kept her cold stare going. Kat crossed her arms and legs. I saw how uncomfortable she was getting. She couldn¡¯t look her in the eyes anymore. ¡°Uh,¡± she chuckled nervously. ¡°So... how did your date go?¡±


    ¡°Excuse me? How the fuck do you know that?¡± Yosefin said. Kat panicked and spilled the beans on us talking when Yosefin was trying on outfits. ¡°Josh, what the fuck, dude! Why were you talking with her?¡±


    ¡°I was just,¡± I said then paused to figure out the best answer I could think of. ¡°Being friendly.¡±


    ¡°Friendly?¡± She yelled, stepping closer to me. ¡°Why are you being friendly to this whore?!¡± Some people walking around us momentarily stopped to watch her go off on me. ¡°Did you forget what this bitch made you do?¡±


    ¡°Relax, Yosefin.¡±


    ¡°I am relaxed!¡± The blood boiling in her face said otherwise. ¡°And why did you tell her I was going on a date? That¡¯s private.¡±


    ¡°I was just talking about why I was here,¡± I said calmly to make myself feel embarrassed by people looking at me. ¡°I was in a woman¡¯s store.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m going to head to class,¡± Kat said when she stood up. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Josh.¡±


    My heart stopped when she said my nickname. Yosefin had a monopoly on that name. The last time Kat spoke it, Yosefin threatened her she would knock her teeth out. I saw her clench her right hand. It sickened me to my core that her warning could become true. I was about to pull her away until suddenly Naomi performed a saving grace. She walked past Kat and Yosefin to offer me her hand. She smiled and pointed her head to go into the classroom. It made Yosefin look at her long enough for Kat to slip away almost unnoticed. Yosefin somewhat pursued her but gave up after taking two steps.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go to class,¡± Naomi said once I took her hand. She put me in front of her while we walked towards the classroom, using her palm to guide me in. I didn¡¯t see Yosefin until I turned around near my desk. ¡°Sit over here.¡± Naomi pointed at Yosefin¡¯s seat.


    ¡°Why?¡± I said. Yosefin stood right behind her with her arms crossed.


    ¡°Just do it,¡± she mouthed in a whisper. She sat in my chair. I sat in Yosefin¡¯s seat without any further questions.


    ¡°What are you doing in his seat?¡± Yosefin said.


    ¡°I wanna sit with him,¡± Naomi said, smiling up at her while tapping my thigh. ¡°He can¡¯t talk to the back of my head.¡±


    Yosefin looked at Naomi¡¯s empty seat and then took her seat next to me without any incident. She laid the side of her head in hand as if she was exhausted or tired. Her face was still red from before. I didn¡¯t dare ask if she was mad at me. I felt like she was at a level of anger that couldn¡¯t be detected until the moment of eruption. She didn¡¯t say a word for five minutes straight.


    ¡°Explain yourself,¡± Yosefin said, side-eying me.


    ¡°I already explained myself,¡± I said.


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    ¡°How?¡± I slightly snapped at her.


    ¡°You¡¯re pissing me off,¡± she scoffed then looked away to her left. I wasn¡¯t going to let her childish attitude get to me. I looked away like she did but I at least had someone nice to take my attention towards.


    ¡°Hey,¡± Naomi said with a gorgeous smile.


    ¡°Hi,¡± I said nearly cracking my voice. She heard it and smiled more.


    ¡°Hey,¡± she said, leaning closer to me. ¡°Are you free after school?¡± Mostly every day after class, Yosefin and I would hang out before going to work. But after how she acted, I didn¡¯t want to be around her for the day.


    ¡°I got some time.¡± I heard Yosefin move the second I said that. I was afraid to see what she was doing so I kept my focus on Naomi. ¡°What do you want to do?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll tell you after our classes.¡± Before she looked at the professor, she momentarily gazed at Yosefin and smiled. She kept that smile for a few more seconds before her face relaxed. Curiosity got to me as to what made her smile. I turned around to find Yosefin snarking. The red color on her face receded to her peachy skin color.


    ¡°Will you stop that?¡± I asked softly. ¡°Please.¡± She squeezed her cheeks and rolled them around to try to break that expression into something less angry.


    ¡°How¡¯s this?¡± Yosefin asked still giving me a grim look. All it did was make her look madder.


    ¡°Never mind.¡±


    I tried ignoring her as much as I could by keeping my focus on the lecture or talking with Naomi about random things that came to mind. Five minutes into it, Yosefin must¡¯ve known I was actively neglecting her. She wouldn¡¯t stop looking at me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye giving me an unyielding gaze. She would poke my side or lightly flick my thigh to get a reaction out of me. I couldn¡¯t outright tell her to leave me the hell alone. I didn¡¯t want to act like an absolute asshole to my close friend. The only thing I thought at the time to appease the issue was to rest my hand on her knee to show her I was no longer seeking to ignore her. She scooted my hand off two seconds after I put it there. I looked at her, thinking she was furious, but she wasn¡¯t. She wanted to hold hands instead. We interlocked our fingers and held them there for a time until I had to write notes.


    Yosefin and I didn¡¯t talk for the full length of class. After it ended and the whole class stepped outside, she pulled me to the side of the door near the wall of the classroom to privately talk. She waved Naomi to take several steps back to be out of earshot. Naomi complied but decided to leave to head to her next class after telling me to text whenever I was done with the rest of my classes.


    ¡°She¡¯s really into now, yeah?¡± Yosefin said as she watched Naomi walk off. Naomi waved me goodbye before turning the corner into another hallway. ¡°A lot,¡± she mumbled out her teeth.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± I said.


    ¡°Don¡¯t give me an attitude.¡± She said like she was giving me some lip yet was smiling. I didn¡¯t find what I said to be funny. ¡°Uh,¡± she said, dropping her smile. ¡°I wanted to clear the air. I don¡¯t like us acting distant.¡±


    ¡°You were pissing me off.¡±


    ¡°You were talking with someone I absolutely despise,¡± she said quickly while softly like she was quietly yelling at me. I got another long-winded reminder of what Kat did last year and the shit it did to my friendship with Yosefin. ¡°You should be avoiding that woman like an STD, dude!¡±


    ¡°You make it sound like she¡¯s truly terrible. She apologized, Yosefin.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care. Stay away from that snake,¡± she demanded as she lightly forced her finger into my right chest.


    ¡°Or what?¡± I said, getting in her face. She snarled her brows and made a frown with her lips. I had enough of the mean-looking faces and walked off to my next class.


    ¡°Josh, wait,¡± she begged. ¡°Josh, I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    I left her without looking back. I was done trying to make her see that Kat was sorry. Yosefin was acting like one of those stereotypes where women couldn¡¯t let grudges go. I was left fuming with a level of annoyance that made me speechless for the rest of the day. Being with Naomi after school in the den broke my silence and lifted my spirit.


    We sat on a couch, watching two students play a competitive match of ping pong. Most of the people in the class were watching in awe. The game felt like it went on forever. My back began to ache from sitting for so long. I lifted my right arm behind her and turned to my left to stretch my back. She took the moment to close the gap between us. We were already sitting close, but this was intimate. She snuggled under my armpit and wrapped my arm over her. Her soft boob pressed into my ribcage as she squirmed to find a comfortable position.


    ¡°What made you want to do that?¡± I whispered to avoid other people from listening.


    ¡°I couldn¡¯t let the opportunity pass,¡± she said, keeping her eyes on the match. ¡°I¡¯ve learned to take advantage of the small things.¡± It took a hangout and one date for us to be at this beginning stage of our friendship. There were still a lot of things we needed to disclose for us to truly connect.


    ¡°Is that because of your past relationship?¡± I asked. While she was answering my question, I happened to glance at the door and barely saw Yosefin passing by the doorway. I saw the ends of her hair and the back half of her backpack. I couldn¡¯t tell if she was walking by or storming off. ¡°Crap,¡± I mumbled without thinking.


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Nothing. I thought I saw something.¡± I said, keeping my eyes on the door just in case Yosefin circled back. Naomi looked at me for a moment.


    ¡°Was it Yosefin?¡±


    ¡°How¡¯d you know?¡±


    ¡°One,¡± she said, holding up her finger. ¡°You looked worried.¡± She showed two fingers and said, ¡°Two, she¡¯s predictable. You guys are very close. She gives off stalking-like vibes.¡± That thought sounded absurd.


    ¡°Yosefin isn¡¯t a stalker. ¡°She¡¯s...¡±


    ¡°Still has feelings. You need to show her that you moved on, Joshua.¡±


    That last statement was the highlight of my day. Those words were the combination of what I wanted Yosefin to head towards. So far, it wasn¡¯t looking great. I didn¡¯t even get to ask how her day went with her date until the next morning before class started. Fortunately, she said it went fine and he wanted to see her more. Sadly, she didn¡¯t go into details and I never pushed for more information. But, at least she was trying. That was all I cared about.

 Thoughts and Wishes

    ¡°Welcome to my humble abode,¡± Naomi said, slowly opening her arms out to the ceiling of her apartment.


    She invited me to her apartment for a so-called weekend getaway. It was nothing more than another date, but we were chilling where she lived. She finished working out when I met her at the front door. She wore her workout outfit which was a blue sports bra and black leggings with a white stripe around the inner thigh. Every exposed skin was drenched in sweat. Her arms, back, and shoulders were bulky but not cut. It was one of the sexiest things I have ever seen from a woman like her. And her skin-tight outfit outlining her figure added to her attraction.


    ¡°Make yourself at home. I¡¯m gonna jump in the shower real quick,¡± Naomi said then told me to watch out for Dolly.


    ¡°Dolly? Who¡¯s that?¡± I said. Out of nowhere a white-haired blue-eyed cat climbed up my leg and parked itself on my chest.


    ¡°Geia sou, gigantie gounine mpala mou. (Hello, my giant furball.)¡± She said, taking Dolly off my chest and cuddling it close to her face. ¡°I hope you¡¯re not allergic to cats.¡±


    ¡°Nope,¡± I said as I brushed off the fur from my chest.


    ¡°Chreiazesai peripoiese. Nai? (You need grooming. Yes?)¡± Whatever she was saying, it almost sounded like it was Italian.


    ¡°Great, that¡¯s another girl who knows another language,¡± I said in my head then chuckled afterward.


    ¡°Brb.¡±


    She gave me a peace sign and then closed the door to her bedroom behind her. After a few minutes passed, I snooped around to see what kind of place she lived in. The entire floor except for the two bedrooms was dark brown wood. There was a big flat screen to the left of the front door. To the right was a small yet comfortable size kitchen to move around in. Her pantry was packed with all sorts of food. Down the hallway on the left side was another bathroom and to the right was a small bedroom.


    ¡°Smaller than Kat¡¯s,¡± I said softly out loud. Twice the women I met lived alone. I began to feel inspired to get a place of my own. Living with my parents wasn¡¯t bad. I had no desire to leave them but the thought of having my own space that was bigger than my room sounded awesome.


    After half an hour passed, she joined me on the couch sporting a tight red nightgown-looking dress. We kept shying away when we tried to look at one another. When she looked away, I was gazing at her cute smile and sexy dress.


    ¡°What made you want to wear that?¡± I said, trying my absolute hardest to not look away. She looked at me, blushed, then looked away with a shrug. I suddenly felt the urge to tell her how beautiful she felt to me, but with a spin on it. ¡°You¡¯re so beautiful that it is making me sweat.¡±


    ¡°What a dork,¡± she giggled with eye rolls. ¡°I got it days before I broke up with my boyfriend.¡±


    ¡°Oh, shit,¡± I slipped up. I slapped my hand over my mouth.


    ¡°No,¡± she said a bajillion times then gradually took my hand off my mouth by tugging on it. ¡°You said nothing wrong.¡±


    ¡°Good,¡± I sighed. ¡°Were you going to show him it?¡±


    ¡°I was. It was meant as a last effort to keep our relationship together.¡± At first, I didn¡¯t understand what she meant by that. She must¡¯ve seen me staring out at her with a blank look on her face because she immediately gave me the reason moments later. ¡°He liked it when I had tight things on.¡±


    ¡°Oh... yeah... okay,¡± I said stuttering like a scratched-up CD.


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t as big as you see me now. I¡¯d probably look less freakish in it,¡± she said then turned her head away to mumble what I assumed I wasn¡¯t supposed to hear. ¡°Screw that loser.¡± Her hand came up to her left brow to soothe it and a portion of her upper eye. I knew right away she was attempting to keep her emotions in check. Yosefin did that many times when she didn¡¯t want to cry. I had to change the subject before whatever she was feeling took over.


    ¡°Your size in it doesn¡¯t look freakish.¡± Her hand went away from her eye as she turned her head to directly look at me with both of them. ¡°You look amazing in it.¡± My admiration didn¡¯t stop there. I had to go into detail about every part that piqued my interest. She just sat there, taking in all my spastic compliments with a cute grin.


    ¡°Joshua,¡± she said then chuckled.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Do you wanna see my other outfits,¡± she said emphasizing the word, other. Everything organ that had to do with being aroused started to kick on. I felt like I was about to get a show of a lifetime.


    ¡°What type of outfits?¡± I asked to feed my lust and curiosity. She didn¡¯t answer straight away but held out her hand for me to grab. We held it until we entered her room. ¡°Remember what I told you about me being somewhat narcissistic about how I look?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I mumbled as I took in all the sights of her room. Her bed was made. The corner of the room to the right of the entrance was a computer. I could tell it was a high-performance computer because of how big it was. It wasn¡¯t flashy like Yosefin¡¯s with all the colors.


    While I was trying to figure out the specs of the PC by looking at it, Naomi put her phone in front of me to show a nude picture of herself.


    ¡°Wow,¡± I said out of shock. ¡°Why are you showing me this?¡±


    ¡°To be honest, I don¡¯t know,¡± she laughed. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m in a happy mood,¡± she said walking over to her closet. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m showing you what you¡¯re getting into.¡±


    ¡°So... tease?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± she said then peeked her head out from the closet. ¡°That sounds about right. A tease of what¡¯s to come.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s to come?¡± I repeated out loud. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°The perks of having a girlfriend,¡± she said, coming out with another dress. She pulled me by my arm to bring me closer.


    ¡°What girlfriend?¡±


    ¡°Me, if that¡¯s what you want.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± I said, lost for words for a short moment. The right words came soon after when I reworded her last statement. ¡°Do you want me?¡± She bit her bottom lip while smiling and nodded her head quickly.


    ¡°You seem like a great guy despite your interesting past with those... women.¡±


    ¡°You had to go there?¡± I said blushing with embarrassment.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she snickered, playfully pinching my cheek.


    ¡°So, is this it?¡±


    ¡°Almost. You got to know that side of me before you make your decision.¡±


    The ultimatum Naomi laid out was that she indulged in a sexual fantasy of dressing up in skimpy outfits. Her last boyfriend was into that. Since he was gone and she had no one to please, she turned to the internet to gain attention to fill a void for a while. She garnered many ¡°admires¡± who were batshit crazy for fit women in tight dresses and costumes. They never saw her naked. The app allowed that, but she wouldn¡¯t dare go that far to give strangers that much satisfaction. It lasted serval months but she gave it up three months ago before talking with me. Then she deactivated her account from the app when we went on our second date.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t want that anywhere near you, I¡¯ll understand,¡± Naomi said. ¡°I don¡¯t have the cleanest record.¡± I nodded my head like I was actively listening to a deep conversation to show I was paying attention. In the back of my mind, I already made my decision. She continued pleading her case to make sure I knew what I was getting into for the possible things I would see. ¡°I will love you unconditionally,¡± she said, holding her heart. ¡°I have a fear of being unfaithful.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I blurted without thinking.


    ¡°Listen,¡± she said softly. ¡°I come a from a very traditional mindset,¡± she paused to emphasize the word traditional by air quoting it and saying it slower, ¡°when it comes to love.¡±


    ¡°What does that mean?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m... overly loyal,¡± she mumbled to the point it sounded like gibberish. ¡°Which makes me emotionally vulnerable.¡±


    The way she was explaining what she would do if we were in a relationship sounded like the virtues Yosefin told me during summer break. It was hard not to draw parallels. Naomi was essentially the type of woman I desired. On the other hand, Yosefin shared those traits even though she was more outgoing than I was. But, I had to admit, I loved their passion for me. It took Naomi a few weeks to like me. It took Yosefin months to develop feelings and she kept reminding me of the potential we could have. I felt like if I chose Naomi, I would shatter Yosefin¡¯s heart. I had to make sure she was ready to truly let me go.


    ¡°Before I make my decision, I need to see where Yosefin¡¯s mind is,¡± I said.


    ¡°That¡¯s fine. I would rather you two be at peace whatever you decide,¡± Naomi said.


    There was no better timing. Later that day, Yosefin asked if I could chill at her parents¡¯ house for some time and eat out at night. Every time I rang the doorbell, she would always answer. She¡¯d usually smile but this time it was a somber, ¡°Hey.¡±


    ¡°You good?¡± I said. She shook her head, no. ¡°Are you sad?¡± She looked away to her right and smirked with her arms crossed.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she answered without a smirk. ¡°Could you... lay with me and listen to me rant?¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡±


    I followed her to her room and waited on the bed. She quietly closed the door with the knob already turned. The lock popped when she turned to its normal position. She walked up to me with her head down and sat on my lap facing me. I didn¡¯t feel the need to remind her that we were supposed to be lying on the bed. Holding her close in my lap felt better because of the full-body snuggle and that my face was in her boobs. She wasn¡¯t wearing a bra. I could feel her nipples and piercings.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± I said, looking to my right so she could hear me.


    ¡°Tons.¡±


    ¡°Let me hear them.¡±


    ¡°Uh... lay down first.¡±


    I laid on my back without hesitation nor asking why she wouldn¡¯t straight up tell me. Her left knee swooped over my stomach so she could get on my left side. She plopped on the bed with her back to me. I pulled her to me since she adored that feeling of being taken into safe hands and the feeling of my body touching her backside.


    ¡°Will you kiss me if I asked?¡± She said. Again, I did what she asked without questioning why. She was stalling but I didn¡¯t care. The kiss went to the smoothest part of her knave. I had to part her minty-scented hair to reach it. ¡°God,¡± she sighed. ¡°I really needed that,¡± she said, pitching her voice.


    Stolen novel; please report.


    ¡°What¡¯s going on?¡±


    ¡°I may have overreacted with Kat.¡± The confession made me chuckle. ¡°Oh, shut up. I still hate her with all my soul.¡± She suddenly turned to me with her face about a hand distance from my face. ¡°I¡¯m not sorry how I acted.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡±


    ¡°Just towards you,¡± she said, poking my nose with her index finger. ¡°Not. To. Her.¡± I couldn¡¯t believe she was keeping somewhat of the same childish grudge.


    ¡°You¡¯re something else,¡± I said out of disappointment which made me smile.


    ¡°Did I mention I got issues?¡± She giggled. ¡°Seriously, don¡¯t get super angry at me if I¡¯m acting like an insufferable bitch, Joshy.¡±


    ¡°Do you want me to smile through my anger and annoyance?¡±


    ¡°Please do. I love the way you smile at me.¡± She tried to entice a smile out of me by tickling my Adam¡¯s Apple with her fingernails. ¡°Come on. Let me see it.¡± Eventually, I did. It was extremely hard to fight against being touched by soft fingers. ¡°You¡¯re so cute,¡± she whispered then inched closer to my face. Her cinnamon breath entered my nose. My nostrils flooded open the more she spoke gently. ¡°I¡¯ve been thinking about you a lot and it¡¯s making me sad.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I said, matching her voice. ¡°Are they bad thoughts?¡±


    ¡°Very bad,¡± she said playfully like she was somewhat moaning with a smile. I asked her to say what they are and to be honest about them. ¡°Naomi seems to like you.¡±


    ¡°She does.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t that a bit quick?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I said after slowly nodding. ¡°I had the same thought when I compared us and...her.¡± I continued and said, ¡°You were my closest friend before you got feelings for me.¡±


    ¡°It took you weeks with Naomi. Like a month with Kat! What are you after that I couldn¡¯t give you?¡± Before I could attempt to give her the answer we both knew, she said, ¡°Oh,¡± in a fake voice. ¡°They¡¯re girls.¡±


    ¡°Why are you acting like this? You know why.¡±


    ¡°I know.¡± She closed her eyes and said, ¡°Joshua isn¡¯t into dudes yet he kissed, cuddled, and snuggled with one.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s different,¡± I said, getting defensive.


    She kept going for a few more seconds reminding me of what I did despite knowing full well what she was. There was no way I could defend myself from the truth. All I could do was listen to the list of truthful charges against me. Once she stopped, she asked me a blunt question that caught me off guard.


    ¡°If I was a girl, would you want me after everything we did?¡± She said. When I failed to answer her right away she asked again but laid on her elbow to tower over me. ¡°Would you want me? It¡¯s a simple question, dude.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin...¡±


    ¡°Please, just give me an answer.¡± The best I could think of was to ignore it and change the subject.


    ¡°Naomi wants to know if you¡¯ll be fine with us being together.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t ignore me.¡±


    ¡°Will you be all right if we were dating?¡±


    ¡°No!¡± She jumped up to a sitting position and said, ¡°I won¡¯t be all right!¡± Her voice cracked halfway through her statement. ¡°I won¡¯t be,¡± she wept with no control. ¡°You¡¯re making me feel like I¡¯m worthless because of what I am!¡±


    ¡°You know that¡¯s not true,¡± I said, hugging her. I laid with her again but I had to rub her back and whisper in her ear reasons why she wasn¡¯t worthless to calm her down. ¡°We talked about this. You know how I feel. You saw... how I felt.¡±


    ¡°I... did...¡± she said without crying.


    ¡°Yosefin, look at me.¡±


    She tried to clear her eyes with her forearm but used her blankets to wipe them dry. Her eyes were bloodshot. Some of her eyelashes were sticking together from the amount of tears she poured. It sadden me I saw her act that way knowing the main reason why we¡¯re dating other people. I knew if I went with Naomi, Yosefin wouldn¡¯t be able to stand me in love with someone when she kept believing she could be everything I desired.


    ¡°You are not worthless because I don¡¯t look at you a certain way,¡± I said. ¡°We tried.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she wept before glancing away to compose herself.


    ¡°You¡¯re my best and closest friend,¡± I said, getting a bit teary-eyed. ¡°But, you got to stop acting like this.¡±


    ¡°I need help.¡± She said. The tears began to flow again.


    ¡°What can I do?¡± I wiped my thumbs under her eyes to clean the trails of tears off her cheeks. She grabbed my hands and sat up to sit close to me.


    ¡°Remember what we did in the hotel?¡±


    ¡°Mhmm,¡± I hummed with a smile.


    ¡°Can we do that again for good time¡¯s sake?¡± She asked with her head down. ¡°Before you no longer look at me that way. I want to feel those emotions again.¡±


    I couldn¡¯t say no. After the emotional ride, we went through, it seemed right to end off a high note of euphoria. Just like what we did during our spring trip, she passionately made out with me while being shirtless and wearing black underwear. I played with her boobs using my hands like I did before, but I was more horny than before. The pants I wore were giving me an uncomfortable painful erection. My pants didn¡¯t have room like my shorts did. I had to take them off which caused an awkward moment between us. For the first time, she was shocked to see how hard my dick could get. It was covered by my underwear. She wouldn¡¯t stop looking at it. When I hid it using my pants, she told me to keep it visible.


    ¡°Why?¡± I said. My body felt so light from how horny I was getting.


    ¡°I,¡± she said with a voice crack. ¡°Damn... That¡¯s bigger than the dildo I have,¡± she said, pointing her finger an inch from my crotch.


    ¡°Seriously?¡± I said like I hadn¡¯t already seen it, covering my smile with my forearm. She sat over my stomach inches from the tip of my crotch. Her eyes were locked looking at it. ¡°Stop looking and let¡¯s continue.¡±


    ¡°S..sorry.¡±


    We continued kissing. I kept messing around with her boobs. Our constant movements and adjustments kept making my crotch bump into her ass. Her soft puffy ass was enough to cushion every impact and tease me.


    ¡°Josh,¡± she chuckled while kissing me.


    ¡°Hmm?¡± I said unable to speak. My mind kept focusing on the bumps.


    ¡°Um,¡± she chuckled some more. ¡°Look.¡± She sat with her back to me to show a wet spot on the back of her underwear.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I said, shouting. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry!¡±


    ¡°Calm down,¡± she said after sitting on her knees to my left side.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to do that!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine,¡± she said after shushing me. ¡°It happens to me too, just a lot more than normal.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± she chuckled nervously for a quick moment. ¡°Yup,¡± she said popping the last letter.


    ¡°But I didn¡¯t... Really?¡±


    ¡°It sometimes looks like I pissed myself.¡± That analogy made me shake my head in disgust at how vivid that description was.


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°It happens when I¡¯m going to,¡± she said normally before quietly muffling the last word. I squinted my eyes immediately. She said something but kept muffling it every time I asked her to say it. ¡°It¡¯s a part of my mutations. I¡¯m super sensitive... down there... and... in other places...¡±


    ¡°And those places are?¡±


    ¡°Stop acting dumb! You should know!¡± At the time, I only knew of one place she loved being grabbed and played with.


    ¡°Your boobs and nipples, right?¡±


    ¡°Whatever,¡± she said to move on. ¡°I could get into details, but...I wouldn¡¯t want you to hear that weird stuff about me.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯re ready to hear that truly weird side of me.¡± After a year of being friends, I thought she would be more open about a lot of things. When it came to sexuality, she chose men because of her altered appearance. But when it came to talking about her body and sex, she refrained from discussing it. Sometimes I felt like a broken record saying the five well-known Ws. But I had to totally grasp the information.


    ¡°I feel like I¡¯m ready,¡± I said.


    ¡°No. Guys don¡¯t don¡¯t feel what I feel.¡±


    ¡°What about girls?¡±


    ¡°No... Maybe... I don¡¯t freaking know. I¡¯m different as you can see.¡± She shut down any more attempts to expound on that side of her. ¡°Let¡¯s talk about the mess you left on me.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. What I did was gross.¡± I pointed at the wet spot on her butt. ¡°I¡¯m super embarrassed.¡± All she did was smile and shake her head. ¡°You don¡¯t think so?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re a guy. That¡¯s normal for that... uh... the goop to come out.¡± I cringed yet found it funny she would use that word to describe it. ¡°It happens when you¡¯re constantly aroused.¡±


    ¡°I know that,¡± I playfully shouted from blushing at the truth.


    ¡°I get it too.¡±


    ¡°Well, yeah,¡± I said, thinking that was an obvious statement she didn¡¯t need to say. ¡°We¡¯re the... same.¡± She pressed her lips in as if I said something innocent. ¡°We¡¯re not?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you would call me,¡± she said slowly yet softly. ¡°Maybe somewhere down the line, we can talk about the weird shit I have. I don¡¯t want to sicken you with my anatomy.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m okay with having that conversation down the line.¡±


    ¡°Thanks. Like I said, I¡¯m weird. This wasn¡¯t supposed to happen to me.¡±


    We said nothing until I had curious questions forming in my head. I knew she was different from me. There were certain things she had that I didn¡¯t have like boobs and those so-called phantom cramps she got every month. I never saw her naked. She always showed me everything from above the waist and viewable areas of her ass. Sometimes, I felt like she was lying about everything. There were moments I said to myself that she had to be a girl this entire time and she was just messing with me. But I always kept dismissing that idea for the benefit of the doubt. The only evidence I had was the time she got hit in the crotch with a soccer ball. And since we ended off talking about her, I felt the need to ask the most important question that could answer all burning questions till the end of time.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said as I got myself mentally ready for the question.


    ¡°Mhmm?¡± I reformed my question into a statement last minute to make it not seem I wasn¡¯t confident in what I sought. I didn¡¯t want my voice to sound weak or pause mid-sentence.


    ¡°I want to see you naked.¡± Before I saw her mouth open, I said, ¡°I have conflicting thoughts.¡±


    ¡°I knew this moment would come.¡±


    ¡°You did?¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said with a reassuring smile. ¡°I¡¯ve been patiently waiting after I stopped you from taking off my underwear,¡± she said and looped her thumbs under her underwear around her hips. ¡°Since we¡¯re seeing other people, might as well show you the friend you can¡¯t keep your hands off of.¡±


    The sassiness made me roll my eyes and bite the inner part of my lip to not smile. She made a simple task turn into a tease when she slipped off her underwear with her back facing me. She leaned on her right side, took it off her legs, and tossed it on her desk. There was nothing in arms reach she could use to cover up. She turned around halfway to look at me with her legs going in the opposite direction.


    My heart was beating against my chest. This was the moment she was waiting for and the resolution I wanted to be answered. The second I saw her legs open, her mother knocked on the door and asked why we weren¡¯t out of the room.


    ¡°Shit!¡± Yosefin whispered between her teeth, pointing at the clock. ¡°Josh, we¡¯re running late.¡± It was 8:30 PM. We were supposed to be heading out for dinner with her entire family at 8:00 PM. We rushed to put on clothes. She quickly threw on a black shirt and a pair of black basketball shorts while I was struggling to put my pants on. ¡°Go to the bathroom,¡± she continued whispering as she waved to me by walking up to the door. Once I got in the bathroom, I heard the lock pop out the door knob. ¡°Sorry, momma. We were lost on the computer.¡±


    ¡°Are you two ready?¡± Her mother said.


    ¡°Yeah. Josh is... taking a shit. He¡¯ll be out in a minute.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± I said in my head. Yosefin came to the bathroom while I was finding a less painful spot to put my crotch in. I froze like a deer in the headlights. She looked at me like I was doing something weird. Her brows came down then she raised her right one.


    ¡°Is it still hard?¡± She asked calmly, looking down at it. ¡°I can tell them to wait.¡± Despite it being a bit hard, I didn¡¯t want us to wait.


    The trip to the restaurant was extremely awkward. Yosefin¡¯s parents were talking about what happened in politics while Yosefin and I sat in silence in the back of her dad¡¯s truck. I looked out my window, blindly looking at the buildings. I did that for a while until a notification on my phone went off. It was Yosefin texting me. She had a special ringtone that I used to distinguish from the regular sounds.


    Yosefin¡¯s message read, ¡°You¡¯re were so close, LOL. Maybe next time.¡± She was texting out another sentence with a silly little grin on her face. Another message came after she slipped her phone between her legs. ¡°Or maybe after dinner.¡± Her behavior reminded me of guys sending a risky text message to their crush. She could have talked to me out loud discreetly. We were half an arm¡¯s length away, plus her parents were talking nonstop.


    ¡°I dunno,¡± I said after I got her attention.


    I wasn¡¯t feeling that excited to get another chance. My main goal was to see if she would be okay seeing me dating Naomi. One simple visit led to us doing what we did on our trip out of town and the potential to see her naked for the first time.


    Yoeefin took my decisiveness as an opportunity to re-entice me. She gently held my fingers for a short time before carefully clawing my forearm. It felt good the longer she continued. She texted me again while she kept touching me.


    ¡°I¡¯m not wearing anything underneath. Whoops! I forgot!¡± She texted.


    ¡°No you didn¡¯t,¡± I said almost laughing.


    ¡°Okay, I lied,¡± she whispered. ¡°So?¡±


    She didn¡¯t have to explain that she was waiting for a better answer than I don¡¯t know. I shook my head, no, and said that she should show me another time. The left side of her cheek went into her mouth when she popped her mouth like she was sucking on something. She gave me all the expressions of dissatisfaction. Rolling eyes, crossing arms, and avoiding eye contact. They all stopped once we ate and didn¡¯t come back for the rest of the night.


    Yosefin and I stayed outside while her parents went into the house. I was done for the day. All of my outgoing gas was running on empty. I wanted to go home and relax in my chair while watching random videos online before bed. But, Yosefin wasn¡¯t done with me. Her clinginess prevented me from leaving on good terms.


    ¡°Stay a bit longer, Joshy,¡± she playfully whined with her head tucked into my chest.


    ¡°I wanna go home,¡± I said, thinking of a lie to make her let me go. ¡°I¡¯m really tired.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s,¡± she stopped to look at her phone that was on the driveway. ¡°It¡¯s 10:23 PM. How are you tired, dude?¡±


    ¡°I just am.¡±


    ¡°Thirty minutes,¡± she said three times after I said, no, three times. ¡°Are you leaving because of what we did?¡±


    ¡°In a way. I wanted to make sure you were ready for me to date.¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said, looking off into the street. ¡°I see what you¡¯re saying.¡±


    ¡°Do you?¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t invest in liking someone if you¡¯re holding on to the former,¡± she said as if she was quoting someone. It was the perfect representation of what we did and how I felt for her. ¡°You can go home,¡± she said, resting her shoulder on the house with her arms crossed. ¡°I won¡¯t stop you.¡± Her sudden acceptance after trying to keep me was worrisome. They gave me no definite side on where she stood until she doubled down on her position. ¡°Go live your life, Josh. I¡¯ll try my best to act cool around it.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin...¡±


    ¡°Can I get a hug before you go?¡±


    ¡°Of course.¡± I came to her. She held me tight like a vice grip.


    ¡°I hope she¡¯s everything you want.¡± That was strange and scary for her to say. After she told me I should be the one dating her, this was a one-eighty. ¡°I hope she¡¯s everything I couldn¡¯t offer.¡± She gave me a kiss on the cheek and another tight hug before walking towards the front door. ¡°Text me when you get home and sweet dreams.¡±


    ¡°I will. Goodnight... Yosefin.¡±

 Double Date Night

    The weekend after the electrifying day I had with Naomi and Yosefin, I had enough time to contemplate my choice of whether I should go on a date with Naomi. I decided that we should go out on the condition that we take it slow as we have done so far. She agreed with me one hundred percent. We were still testing the waters about what we do and don¡¯t like about each other. Yosefin was right to call me out on liking Naomi enough to want to date her after a few weeks. I considered it when I made my decision. Plus, I didn¡¯t want to have another Kat moment where I was blinded by short-term lust.


    I took Naomi on dates and so did she when it was her turn. She went to parks, and various restaurants new restaurants, and watched movies in her apartment. On some of the days that we weren¡¯t going to places, I brought her to my home so she could get familiar with my parents before we decided to call it official. My parents seemed to be fine with her. They liked her personality and found her funny. On the other hand, my sister, Vanessa, didn¡¯t seem to understand why I would be with Naomi instead of Yosefin.


    When Vanessa got wind of Naomi coming over, Vanessa had to throw her two cents at us in the middle of the foyer. She believed that it was a matter of time before Yosefin and I would be boyfriend and girlfriend. I tried to tell her just because we were close, doesn¡¯t mean we should be together. She refused to believe that according to what she saw and a conversation she had with her during the time I asked her to help paint my room. She told me what I already knew. Yosefin had feelings for me. But, she didn¡¯t know how deep they were. They didn¡¯t know the complexity of our friendship.


    As the weeks passed, Yosefin slowly showed signs of what I considered mild depression. The more time I spent with Naomi, the less time I spent with Yosefin. I had a feeling this would happen. Most of our time talking was on the phone. On some days, Naomi came to my job after her workout to eat lunch. Her nighttime job made spending time with me during the days possible. During class, Yosefin was reserved and mostly kept to herself. There were only a few particular times she would spring up. One, was when Naomi wasn¡¯t around, the second was when we were doing projects in class and lastly was when Naomi let us hang out together when she felt like she was hogging me.


    At the beginning of October, Yosefin asked if I could spare some time after school to listen to another rant while we were in class. Once my classes ended, I headed towards the den where Yosefin was waiting for me. I took the elevator since it was clear instead of the stairs. It was kind of cold that late morning. The stairwell didn¡¯t have air conditioning or insulated walls, but that didn¡¯t bother me. She was sitting on a bench on the phone in front of the elevator I came out of. She didn¡¯t see me because she was looking off to her right. I intentionally walked over to her, hiding in her blind spot then sat on her left side.


    ¡°Was zum Teufel? (What the hell?)¡± She said after jumping and gasping. She frowned, shook her head, and softly growled at me.


    ¡°Who¡¯s on the phone?¡± I asked only moving my lips.


    ¡°It¡¯s nothing, James. My friend surprised me.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll wait over there,¡± I mouthed, pointing at the den. I got up and almost walked passed before she brought me back to sit down. She gently grasped my index and pinky finger on my right hand with three of her fingers.


    ¡°Um, I could come. That¡¯s if they want me to.¡± James¡¯s voice was a bit loud coming through her phone. It sounded like he was talking gibberish but some words were hearable. She continued talking with him even though he was the main one chatting. I felt like this was going to take a while so I got myself comfortable and sat sideways. She glanced at me twice with the side of her eye. The first glance was directed at my face. The second glance was long and was looking somewhere down my body. ¡°James,¡± she sighed then leaned into my body, squishing my arm against my ribs. I had to put my arm on top of the couch to get comfortable. ¡°How about I come Sunday, okay?¡±


    ¡°Great!¡± He said. Since her phone was inches from my face, I got to hear the last bit of her conversation. ¡°I¡¯ll tell them you¡¯ll be coming.¡±


    ¡°Kay,¡± she said with no emotion. ¡°Bye.¡± She hung up the phone before I heard him say he would talk to her later, and then she let out a long-winded sigh with her head pressing against my chest. ¡°My life fucking sucks.¡±


    ¡°Whoa! What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°I just don¡¯t like it.¡±


    ¡°Like what?¡±


    ¡°You,¡± she pointed at me. ¡°You and Naomi. Dating James. This fucking distance between us. I hate it!¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t like it either. I guess this is how things go.¡±


    ¡°Please,¡± she said, holding my cheeks. ¡°Don¡¯t forget me.¡±


    ¡°What? Never,¡± I said, holding her hands. ¡°That¡¯ll be impossible.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± She tucked her head down into my chest and cradled into my body. Her knees were pulled up into her stomach while her arms were crossed over her chest. She looked like she was bracing from the cold but she was warm to the touch.


    ¡°Yosefin? Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Can we chill at my place?¡±


    ¡°I thought you wanted to rant about something,¡± I reminded.


    ¡°I do,¡± she said after laying the back of her head in my lap. ¡°But I want to talk about it in my room.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve got to be kidding me,¡± I said in my head. This was the second time she wanted to rant about something. I had a feeling if I went to her room, I wouldn¡¯t be listening to a rant. Her acute smile had a deceiving motive behind it. And the fact that she was blushing wasn¡¯t helping her innocence. I knew she wasn¡¯t having a good time seeing me date. It disrupted mostly everything we did together and it caused her to act more clingy. If I went along, there would be a high chance we would do something unwarranted.


    ¡°Come on,¡± she said as she sat up and took hold of my hand.


    ¡°No,¡± I said, gently taking her hand off mine. ¡°You can tell me here.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± she said, holding my hand again. ¡°I wanna tell you there,¡± she playfully whined while rubbing her shoulder on me. ¡°It¡¯s private.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯re private rooms we can go to.¡±


    ¡°Stop it,¡± I sighed. ¡°I know what you¡¯re trying to do.¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± She bit her lip while trying not to increase her smile. ¡°Is it wrong to want that while I rant?¡±


    ¡°I have a girlfriend now, Yosefin.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She said with no emotion. Her smile instantly dropped. Her eyelids opened more the more she stared at me. ¡°Josh... what?¡±


    ¡°Well, Naomi is basically my girlfriend at this point.¡±


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    ¡°You¡¯re lying. I thought y¡¯all were taking it slow... testing the waters.¡±


    I had to remind her that it had been a month since Naomi and I made that decision. She laid out all the cards of who she was. The bad and the good things about her personality, and questionable things about her dress-up fetishes I analyzed for a month. It was a match made in heaven that was a stroke of luck.


    Yosefin was lost for words hearing me explain. She sat next to me, frowning without taking her eyes off me. Never once did she blink. Her eyes were glistening in the lights all around us. When I stopped in the middle of my explanation to ask if she was okay, she stood up and turned around with her left forearm over her eyes.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I need to go,¡± she said then ran down the stairwell.


    I tried going after her but I lost her on the second floor. She was nowhere in sight. The hallways were long and there weren¡¯t that many students walking about. She couldn¡¯t have run in any direction without me seeing her in the distance unless she bolted to the first floor. There were two exits down there. One led to the courtyard while the other opened to a small parking lot between the two main garages. I had a feeling she took that path to the garage so I ran over there to see if I could catch up to her. The second I got out of the elevator, I saw the back end of her car driving out of the garage.


    ¡°Screw it,¡± I said after thinking if I should call her.


    For three freaking weeks, Yosefin wouldn¡¯t talk to me. I gave up after the first week. I didn¡¯t want her childish behavior to get to me and get in the way of me dating Naomi. Yosefin had to understand that I was committed and that she should do the same with James. Ever since we started, I didn¡¯t get much news of her progress with him. All I had to go on was that they were talking and he was interested in her despite the lack of going out. I told Naomi how she was acting towards me while I was at her apartment looking at her show off a costume she bought. It was a sexy vampire countess Halloween costume she was going to wear for a friend¡¯s party. My mind was too focused on Yosefin to admire.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say to her,¡± I said.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry but, she got some serious issues,¡± Naomi said. ¡°She needs a wake-up call.¡±


    ¡°Got any suggestions?¡± She hummed up a thought as she looked at herself in the mirror nailed to the closet door. It took her another minute to think of something.


    ¡°Double date!¡± She cheered, pointing at me repeatedly with her fingers. ¡°You, me, James, and her.¡± My only concern was how difficult it would be to try speaking with Yosefin after three weeks of silence and avoidance.


    ¡°Could you ask her if she¡¯d want to try that?¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± she happily said. ¡°I¡¯ll tell her about it tomorrow in class.¡±


    Tomorrow came and at the end of class, Naomi brought Yosefin to a corner of the classroom to speak with her in private. I waited outside for what felt like five minutes before they walked out. My back was turned when Naomi touched my arm. Yosefin didn¡¯t bother saying hi to me. She went around the corner when I looked.


    ¡°What happened?¡± I said.


    ¡°She¡¯s still coping with what you said,¡± Naomi said then looked down the hallway where Yosefin was for a second. ¡°She¡¯ll get over it.¡±


    ¡°I hope so. I want to talk to her again.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll get the chance. She agreed.¡±


    Namoi drove us to a hipster theme restaurant in the inner city we never heard of as a way to spark up conversations once we got James and Yosefin. She believed if everyone was in an unfamiliar place, it would make us talk nonstop. The pictures on my phone of the place seemed cool. It was bright and colorful. The reviews praised this place to the high heaves with mostly positive reviews. I was feeling optimistic that this would bring Yosefin back to the living and stop her endless silence.


    We arrived on time. I saw James talking with a woman with short dirty blonde hair. She was in overalls that rolled above her ankles over a mustard yellow shirt. When I got behind him and close enough to see who he was talking to, I was shocked beyond belief. It was Yosefin. We locked eyes for what felt like five seconds before she looked down at the ground.


    ¡°Yo! Hey guys!¡± James said, waving Naomi and me down. ¡°Great to see you guys!¡±


    ¡°Thanks for coming you guys,¡± Naomi said before hugging James. Yosefin stepped aside to what I saw as an avoidance of being hugged. I shook his hand and thanked him for coming before putting my focus on her. She was still looking at the ground but had her hands in her pockets.


    ¡°Uh, James! Come with me and let¡¯s get our seats.¡±


    ¡°Sure,¡± he said with so much glee it made me squint at him. Yosefin chuckled but tried to play it off like she didn¡¯t. Once they walked in and the door closed behind them, I spoke to Yosefin after weeks of no contact. I didn¡¯t want to bring up why she stopped talking to avoid any unwanted drama or her walking away.


    ¡°What made you want to do that?¡± I asked as I was about to touch the hair near her forehead. She grabbed her and held it near her forehead before gently pushing it away.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± she said quietly.


    ¡°Well, it makes you look cute.¡± Her lips curled in her mouth. I saw her forearms flex as if she was clenching her fists. I also noticed hair growing out of her forearms. She always kept them shaved since I have known her. It wasn¡¯t odd to see but factoring that with her haircut felt suspicious. ¡°Yosefin,¡± I whispered soft enough to make her look at me. ¡°I¡¯m worried about you.¡± I held her arm and grazed my finger lightly through her forearm hair. ¡°And I miss you.¡±


    ¡°Can we just... not have this conversation?¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± She walked inside the restaurant without giving me an answer. I was stunned. I didn¡¯t step inside until Naomi waved me to come in five seconds after Yosefin got in. I didn¡¯t want to seem sad around them, so I walked in with a fake smile on my face.


    Naomi and I tried our best to keep everyone talking to avoid having any awkward moments. James spoke nonstop. He actively engaged with us about anything we thought. I got to know him thoroughly. He sounded like the perfect guy I couldn¡¯t be for Yosefin. I didn¡¯t understand why Yosefin wasn¡¯t jumping for joy when she was around him. It looked like she was in her distant world. When one of us tried to get her attention, it was like she was partially deaf. There was a lot of ¡°huh, what, yeah,¡± and, ¡°hum,¡± from her. Even he had to ask why she was acting strange. She said she didn¡¯t want to be here and asked if she could go home. When he didn¡¯t want to leave, things got heated quickly.


    ¡°I¡¯m not done eating,¡± James said. ¡°I haven¡¯t gotten my dessert.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t fucking care. Take me home.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± he said then stuffed his mouth with food. ¡°No.¡±


    Yosefin slammed her head on the table and crossed her arms around her head. Our silverware and plates jumped from how hard the impact was.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± Naomi said after letting out a gentle sigh.


    ¡°What?¡± Yosefin said with her head still on the table.


    ¡°Not to be blunt, but could you stop acting like...this.¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± She raised her head and looked directly at Naomi like she was filled with disgust. Her lips were pressed into her mouth and her eyebrows were lowered above her eyes. That face made me snap. I had enough of her childish behavior and openly called her out on it. ¡°I don¡¯t need to hear this.¡± She sat up fast enough to nearly knock over her seat.


    ¡°Yes, you do! You¡¯ve been ghosting me ever since I told you she was my girlfriend. What¡¯s your problem?¡±


    ¡°You wanna know my problem?¡± She said, walking around the table to stand over me then repeated the same question. Naomi clutched my arm, somewhat pulling me into her body. I saw Yosefin take three glances at her. The muscles in the forehead relaxed the second she tucked her head and sighed. ¡°I¡¯m such a Dummkopf (fool),¡± she mumbed as she walked away towards the exit.


    ¡°What did she say?¡± Naomi asked us. James shrugged his shoulder. ¡°Joshua, what did she say? I didn¡¯t hear her.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll go talk to her.¡±


    I found Yosefin sitting on a bench near the entrance with her face in her eyes. She was quiet and still. Her breathing was slow yet heavy. I walked in front of her to make myself known before I took a seat.


    ¡°Go away,¡± Yosefin whispered with an eerie voice that sounded like a ghost speaking from the beyond. I unlocked my phone and put it on her lap.


    ¡°You might as well call the cops and have them arrest me because I¡¯m not going anywhere,¡± I said. She carefully locked my phone and placed it between us. ¡°It¡¯s just us, for now. Talk to me, please.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to.¡±


    ¡°Will you ever?¡±


    ¡°Just,¡± she sniffed and rubbed her nose. ¡°Not at the moment.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said after putting my phone back into my pocket. ¡°You¡¯re really scaring me right now. What¡¯s going on with you?¡±


    ¡°A,¡± she paused then said, ¡°lot.¡±


    ¡°Am I the problem? Am I being a bad friend?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she immediately answered, looking directly at me. Her hand grabbed my thigh when she turned. She pulled her hand away when we both looked down. I tried to put it back but she didn¡¯t want to leave it there. She settled on putting it down on the bench, leaving her knuckles touching me.


    ¡°So, I don¡¯t have to worry about that?¡± She shook her head, no. ¡°Whatever you¡¯re going through, I¡¯ll listen,¡± I said to try and make her open up. ¡°Help me understand.¡±


    ¡°No. I need to figure this out.¡±


    ¡°Figure what out?¡± I was beginning to get agitated again by the constant redirection. My patients were running thin but I kept it cool to keep asking questions. ¡°What are you saying?¡±


    ¡°Before things get shitty between us, I want you to know that I¡¯m grateful to have you in my life.¡± My heart suddenly dropped into my stomach and skipped a beat. ¡°Whatever happens, don¡¯t take it to the heart, okay?¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s going to happen?¡±


    ¡°Everything,¡± she answered after Naomi and James stepped outside the restaurant.

 Katurday

    After witnessing Yosefin¡¯s behavior during the double date, I was at a point of not giving a single care about what was going on in her life. She had some serious issues she needed to work out by herself. One of those issues I felt she needed to let go of was me. If she could just let go, she would be happy. Our plan wouldn¡¯t work if she wouldn¡¯t move the fuck on from me. What was I supposed to do, ignore what disgusted me? I hated the fact she reminded me of all the fun things we did. We made it seem like we were a joyful couple, cuddling, kissing, and making special moments. But, those days were gone. I had to face other issues like jealousy, envy, and ego.


    At the beginning of a new week, several days after the double date incident, I clocked off from work expecting Naomi to be waiting for me outside the game shop. She wasn¡¯t there but when I checked my phone, I saw she left a message she would be running late. I unconsciously sat at the table Yosefin and I sat at every time we clocked out. I didn¡¯t realize it until I looked to my left where she worked. I saw her mixing and making coffee. She wasn¡¯t wearing her cap. And, the lack of makeup and short hair made her look boyish. If it wasn¡¯t for her big boobs, voice, and the fact of what she was, I would have assumed she was a guy.


    ¡°Maybe I should find another spot,¡± I said out loud to myself.


    The second I questioned if I should leave, she glanced up at a guy walking past her and then gave me a double take when her eyes crossed my path. She stopped what she was doing. She stared at me for three more seconds before looking down at the counter. I hid the side of my face with my hand so she wouldn¡¯t be able to see it. Naomi came to my rescue from the awkward moment seconds later when she surprised me with a hug from the side.


    ¡°Heyah!¡± Naomi said. ¡°I¡¯m craving for some churros!¡±


    ¡°Naomi?!¡± I somewhat screamed from being surprised. I stood up to block her from seeing Yosefin. ¡°You¡¯re... hungry?¡±


    While she was answering my question, I led her away with my hand on her lower back to get away from Yosefin. I didn¡¯t want to have an awkward conversation about why I was so close to her. We ate and hung out for a bit before heading home. I thought Yosefin would text me or call about why I sat at our table. Hours went by without a notice. When night came, I thought for sure my phone would light up with her trying to contact me. I turned the volume of my phone down so it wouldn¡¯t scare me out of my sleep. It never rang all through the night. The silence was so quiet that I had some trouble staying asleep.


    On the last class day of the week, our professor assigned us groups to work on a project the week before. We were told to get into a group of three. Naomi chose me before I could think of who I should be with. She pulled in a random woman to fill in the spot. I went to class to get an early start on what we had to do as far as researching what type of entry-level game we were going to make. Along the way, I ran into Kat.


    ¡°Oh, god,¡± Kat said. She looked over her shoulder, behind me, and down all two hallways. ¡°Where is she?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about her,¡± I said. ¡°We don¡¯t talk much anymore.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± Her eyes shot open. ¡°You guys were like this!¡± She crossed her fingers to show how close Yosefin and I were. ¡°What the hell happened? I noticed she cut her hair short. Was that related to y¡¯all not talking or something?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I tried so many times to talk to her.¡± I told her about how our friendship went down the drain after I began dating and every emotion she showed me in vivid detail. ¡°Do you know what¡¯s going on with her?¡±


    ¡°I think she¡¯s trying to make you regret not picking her.¡± The suggestion didn¡¯t sound too far off from how I had been treated. ¡°Speaking of the devil,¡± she mumbled and looked out at the ground. I looked to my right to find Yosefin with her arms crossed, looking directly at Kat. ¡°Don¡¯t worry! I¡¯m leaving!¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t have to,¡± I said to take my stand against Yosefin¡¯s fearmongering. ¡°Go to class,¡± I said, staring at Yosefin while pointing into the classroom. She dropped her arms to her side and balled her hands into a fist. They were tight enough to make her veins bulge out. The side of her right index finger and thumb turned red.


    ¡°Joshua, she¡¯s scaring me,¡± Kat whispered. The moment Yosefin turned to square her shoulders with us, I jumped into her personal space but kept my finger pointing at the classroom. She tried looking around me to get a view of Kat but I wasn¡¯t going to allow that to happen. I had to somewhat shove her closer to the door to make her stop. She touched and looked at the side of her shoulder I pushed, then looked me in the eyes with a confused expression. After a five-second stare-down, she walked into the room without saying a word. ¡°Jesus fucking Christ,¡± I said loud enough that she could hear me as I walked back to Kat. ¡°If she bothers you again, let me know.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± Kat said before sighing. ¡°I¡¯ll do just that, but...¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡± She took out her phone and showed me a list of texts she sent during and after the day I blocked her number months ago. ¡°I don¡¯t think my messages are getting through.¡±


    ¡°I blocked you.¡±


    ¡°I figured.¡± She smirked but I didn¡¯t see it as a happy one. I felt like an ass blocking her number. I unblocked the number and flashed my screen to show her I did it. ¡°Sweet! Does that mean we¡¯re good?¡± She glanced into the classroom. I looked to see if Yosefin was watching us. The angle of the room didn¡¯t show where she sat.


    ¡°If she gives you trouble, call me. Kay?¡±


    ¡°For sure,¡± she nodded.


    I got into class five minutes before it began. A lot of the students were hard at work on their computers. Their voices filled the room with talk. Naomi was the only one I saw that wasn¡¯t on a computer. She was scrolling through her phone until the moment I sat down.


    ¡°Heya!¡± Naomi said, beaming her gorgeous smile at me. ¡°I was thinking we should make a worm game.¡±


    ¡°A what game?¡± I said.


    ¡°Look at this.¡± She showed me her notebook of a game idea she jotted down the night before. There were two full pages of notes of a game where players had to eat to grow bigger to out-eat rival AI-controlled opponents. The game sounded simple to play, but I knew it would be a pain to code.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    ¡°We can try that.¡±


    Seventy minutes wasn¡¯t enough for us to create movement mechanics for our project. We got the main things down like different worm models rendered. Before our class ended, she created a plan for us to maximize the work during weekends since we didn¡¯t have to work on those days. I¡¯d come to her apartment to work or she¡¯d come to mine if her place had bad wifi.


    I left for my second class for the day. I didn¡¯t take five steps before Kat texted me asking what I was up to after class. She made me laugh at how quickly she wanted to talk. I thought it would be days until we spoke since we hadn¡¯t chatted in months.


    ¡°Work,¡± I texted.


    ¡°Ah, shoot!¡± Kat messaged. ¡°I was thinking we could hang out and hear me apologize some more about what I did.¡±


    ¡°Maybe another time,¡± I chuckled, ending our short talk. The moment I turned to push the stairwell door open, I saw Yosefin reaching her hand like she was about to grab my backpack. She froze for a second then put her hand down. I moved away from the door and waited to hear with arms crossed for what she wanted.


    ¡°Why are you giving me that look?¡± Yosefin said.


    ¡°What do you want?¡± I said to avoid having to explain why I was annoyed with her.


    ¡°I wanted to know what you were laughing at.¡±


    ¡°None of your business.¡± She got red in the face. Her brows dipped over her eyes and the corner of her lips pinched inward to make them frown. ¡°Oh, stop it.¡±


    ¡°Was it Kat?¡± I went into the stairwell after rolling my eyes at her. ¡°Bro, are you dumb? You know she¡¯s not good for you!¡±


    ¡°Enough!¡± Out of sheer spite and anger, I told her I was going to her apartment on the weekend.


    ¡°Are you insane?¡± She said nearly stumbling down the steps to get to me. ¡°What¡¯s going on in that stupid head of yours?¡±


    ¡°I could ask the same thing.¡± Her head turned halfway to the right while her eyes stayed on me. She raised her brow and tightened her lips. ¡°Yeah,¡± I chuckled out of frustration. ¡°What¡¯s going on in your stupid head?¡±


    ¡°Nothing... I¡¯m good.¡±


    ¡°Have you looked in a mirror?¡± I ruffled the top of her head to show what I meant. ¡°You cut your hair, ruined a double date, and demanded me to avoid Kat.¡± She lightly slapped my hand off her head and combed her fingers through her hair to straighten it out. ¡°You¡¯re not good.¡±


    ¡°Nat¨¹rlich bin ich das nicht! (Of course, I¡¯m not!¡°), she said through her teeth. Some spit flew out her mouth. Luckily, her lips caught it. ¡°Ich f¨¹hle mich wertlos! (I feel worthless!¡°)


    ¡°English!¡±


    ¡°How about you go take a German class to learn how to speak it,¡± she said, walking back up the steps.


    ¡°God,¡± I shouted yet strained my voice to be silent. ¡°Why are you acting like this?¡±


    She left without giving me an answer. I stayed in the stairwell for a good minute, staring blindly at the door, trying to find a logical reason as to why she was acting weirdly. My mind was a white void of nothing. The more I tried searching, the whiter it got. I gave up after another minute passed. I decided then and there to let my worries go and let any questions remain hidden.


    **


    Naomi and I worked from the morning to late in the afternoon on our project. We made our worm mobile, minus its competitors. The level we made for it was a black environment with nothing in it. I debated with her on whether we should do different colors that weren¡¯t black or white.


    ¡°Joshua,¡± Naomi whined as she punched my shoulder lightly several times. ¡°We don¡¯t have to go all out on this.¡±


    ¡°I think it should stand out.¡±


    ¡°O, The¨¦ mou. (Oh my god.¡°) She giggled, shaking her head with her forehead resting on my shoulder. ¡°Honey...¡± My heart for a split second stopped. No girl called me that before.


    ¡°Yes?¡± I said in a weak voice.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go for the minimalist approach okay?¡± She kissed my shoulder and grinned before getting off of me.


    I agreed to the plan of doing what was required without spending an unnecessary amount of time on a project. We worked a little bit longer before she had to head to work. I left feeling ecstatic and optimistic about how our work would turn out. The mood went up when I got a phone call from Kat when I sat in my car.


    ¡°Yo, what¡¯s up?¡± I said.


    ¡°Hey, I was thinking about you. I thought I should say hello at least,¡± she said. My curiosity went full-fledged alert mode. Simple checkups usually meant more than a conversation. I went straight to the point to know her true intentions.


    ¡°Why was I on your mind? What¡¯s going on?¡±


    ¡°I... still feel bad. I feel like I should do something more.¡±


    ¡°Ah,¡± I said with my hand over my mouth to stop myself from smiling too hard. ¡°Do you still live at the apartment?¡±


    ¡°Yeah? Why?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll see you soon.¡±


    She was shocked to see me rolling up in the parking lot. I saw her staring me down on the balcony when I came in. She stayed there when I got up to her level. When I stood behind her, she looked over her right shoulder with her eyes wide open.


    ¡°Does Yosefin know you¡¯re here?¡± She said.


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Oh, good,¡± she said with her hand over her heart. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t want to hear her mouth.¡±


    ¡°Me neither. I can¡¯t stand her anymore.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± She said, stretching out the word as she turned to face her body to me. ¡°I got to hear this.¡±


    She directed her hand up the steps. I headed inside her apartment like it was my own. I sat on the couch with my arms sprawled out on the headrest. Her place was clean and scented with a cinnamon candle on the kitchen counter. There¡¯s a box of matches next to it. The way it was open seemed as if she recently lit them before I arrived.


    ¡°So,¡± she said then plopped beside me. Her right leg crossed over her lap. Half of her body turned towards me. I nearly mirrored the same posture but I wasn¡¯t going to cross my legs. ¡°What¡¯s going on between you two?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t fucking know,¡± I said after trying to come up with the best answer to the whole situation. ¡°I think she¡¯s going through some phase.¡±


    ¡°A phase?¡± She scoffed nearly giggling. ¡°Like an emo teenage phase?¡± That analogy didn¡¯t sound too far off from what I saw. Yosefin had short hair, a bitchy attitude, and began dressing more like a tomboy.


    ¡°I guess.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t she like nineteen? Somewhere around your age?¡± I nodded. She slapped the air like she was wafting something away from her face. Her head turned to the right, away from me. Air blew out her mouth followed by a snickering chuckle.


    ¡°What?¡± I laughed out of curious confusion.


    ¡°Please, explain what you mean by a phase.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s changed her demeanor.¡± I went on explaining every little annoyance I had to put up through since Yosefin and I agreed to date, other people. Including the double date incident.


    ¡°Jesus Christ,¡± she said under her breath. ¡°She¡¯s acting very immature about this.¡±


    ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡± She hummed rubbing her finger on her lips for a time. I tried to search for faults on my own but found nothing.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have a freaking clue. You should go ask her why she¡¯s being a bitch.¡±


    ¡°Hey,¡± I said and gave her a stern point.


    ¡°You literally described it,¡± she said, shrugging with her hands up. Thinking Yosefin to be considered a bitch felt wrong. It sounded sinful. The word made my stomach turn and gave me a bad taste in my mouth.


    ¡°She¡¯s not that but you¡¯re right.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t imagine what type of woman she would be if we dated.¡±


    ¡°If we dated?¡± I gave her a disgusted glance. She wasn¡¯t looking my way.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said, smirking. ¡°It would¡¯ve been nice.¡± Her smirk gave me major red flags. The things we did wouldn¡¯t led to us dating. We were on the verge of becoming fuck buddies if the fear of getting her pregnant and Yosefin being furious at me wasn¡¯t holding me back. I didn¡¯t say or move in any way to give off an inclination to entertain that stupid thought.


    Throughout the weeks, I didn¡¯t get the chance to have a one-on-one with Yosefin. My project and my job kept taking my attention away from wanting to seek to understand her sudden attitude change. Plus, Noami and I were getting closer in our relationship. I got to see more of her passion for dressing up in costumes, and her narcissistic side when it came to checking out her physique. She loved showcasing how much of a pump she got during the night when we texted. I was graced with photobook levels of lewdful types of nudes and outfit pictures. I felt like the luckiest man alive to stumbled upon her from the get-go. All I had to do was run through more dating trials before we became official and she would be mine. My outlook looked great, yet I worried how Yosefin would take it.

 Never Say Never

    ¡°Which one shall it be?¡± Naomi said. She tossed a yellow sparkly leotard on the bed next to two other costumes. One was a blue and pink color cheerleader outfit. And the other black fox onesie. ¡°I¡¯m thinking of the foxy. What are you thinking?¡± My mind was stuck on examining her half-naked muscular body. I pointed to the fox outfit since it¡¯s close and it¡¯s what she wants. ¡°Awesome. You know what would be perfect alongside this?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I said.


    ¡°You with me in one of these.¡±


    I told her no while trying my best not to smile. The idea sounded ridiculous. I couldn¡¯t picture myself in a costume surrounded by people at a convention about things I do not particularly care about.


    ¡°You can go by yourself,¡± I said.


    ¡°Joshua,¡± she said multiple times as she slowly walked closer to me from the foot of the bed. She sat on my right thigh and leaned into me with all of her weight. I held her from behind with my arms around her soft stomach. ¡°Don¡¯t make me beg,¡± she playfully pouted. ¡°Pretty please would you come with me?¡± She tried to tickle my cheek with her nose. My lips accidentally touch hers when I try to avoid her nose. ¡°No, you didn¡¯t,¡± she gasped then giggled with her hand over her mouth. ¡°Did you...¡±


    ¡°It was an accident.¡±


    ¡°Was it? Your lips made some solid contact,¡± she said, biting the corner of her lip. ¡°You got some soft lips,¡± she whispered inches from my face. ¡°Why haven¡¯t I kissed you sooner?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I mumbled.


    ¡°Come here.¡± She brought my face to her lips for a single yet tender kiss. ¡°I¡¯ll make a bargain with you. If you come, I¡¯ll make it worth it.¡± I squinted my eyes and puckered my lips to show her I was almost interested. She frowned but couldn¡¯t keep her smile from breaking it. ¡°Come on,¡± she chuckled for a moment before taking in a lot of air through her nose. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna go alone,¡± she begged gently. ¡°Joshua... this is once every year.¡± I gave in to her wish like someone getting baited for a charity event. How could I say no to a beautiful girl? Plus, I was never the one who went out to places willingly.


    ¡°Where do I buy that outfit?¡± I said.


    Naomi handled buying my suit. The convention she took us to was the same building I drove to last year when I picked up Yosefin from that creepy guy. It was filled with colorful people. I had no idea what the hell most of these people were. Most of the women that were walking around were wearing anime costumes. Their hair was colorful, spikey, and mostly fake.


    ¡°God, what am I doing here?¡± I said. A man walked a foot in front of me nearly stepping on my shoes. He wore a full set of combat gear with an assault rifle prop slung behind his back. I recognized his outfit from a game I played almost every day when I was not bored out of my mind.


    ¡°Recognize that, hmm?¡± Noami said. ¡°It¡¯s not just all one thing here. You¡¯ll find your niche.¡±


    ¡°I doubt it,¡± I said as I looked in every direction. There was nothing that drew me in.


    ¡°Were you this uninterested with Yosefin?¡± I almost took offense to the question. I became more open to new things because Yosefin took me out of my comfort zone.


    ¡°I¡¯m more open-minded because of her.¡±


    ¡°All right then. Let¡¯s find what piques your interest.¡± She walked me over to a stand where her favorite anime character had their little booth. Her name was Erika. She was a swordswoman with magical powers in a medieval fantasy period. There was a life-size cut out of her. She was an inch away from being six feet tall.


    ¡°Wow. We¡¯re nearly eye level,¡± I said as I stared into Erika¡¯s green eyes.


    ¡°Let¡¯s look around some more.¡±


    We wandered about different areas in the building. There were more things that I didn¡¯t care about that made Naomi spin for joy. I began to think my time was wasted until I saw a booth about a game coming out next year. There was a big crowd watching early gameplay footage of the demo. It was a role-playing game Yosefin mentioned she liked to play with me. I didn¡¯t care for it until she said she would buy it for me.


    Naomi stayed with me while I watched the game in its entirety. The visuals were stunning. The gameplay looked fun to play. I wouldn¡¯t mind playing it with Yosefin if only we weren¡¯t on not speaking terms.


    ¡°Wow! This looks cool!¡± Naomi said.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I said under my breath. ¡°It does look cool.¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t sound too happy about it.¡± I let Naomi know that Yosefin was the one who wanted to play the game with me. ¡°Maybe she still does.¡±


    Her optimism felt reassuring but it wasn¡¯t enough for me to want to check if Yosefin still cared for it. I told her that we hadn¡¯t spoken in weeks. Our friendship felt dead. We acted like strangers to each other.


    ¡°No,¡± I said after thinking long and hard if Naomi¡¯s statement was true. ¡°I think that spark is gone.¡±


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Well. I could reignite that flame,¡± Namoi said. ¡°When does this game come out?¡± We waited for the demo to finish so we could see its release date. ¡°Thanksgiving,¡± she said after pointing at the date on the screen with both of her fingers. ¡°That¡¯s a few weeks from now!¡± Close yet far. All I saw were more days of silence between Yosefin and me.


    ¡°Wonderful,¡± I said with zero percent joy.


    ¡°Let¡¯s look at something else.¡±


    Naomi tried her best to keep my mind occupied, but it was hard not to think about Yosefin. She stayed on my mind when I headed back to Naomi¡¯s place.


    ¡°Should I go see her?¡± I said. I laid on Naomi¡¯s bed still wearing the animal outfit while Naomi stripped out of hers. ¡°See if she¡¯s doing okay.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say the last time you went to see if she was okay, you guys made out?¡± Naomi said nearly laughing. I scoffed yet ended up laughing. ¡°Yeah. Just call or text her.¡±


    ¡°Why? I think I should do it in person.¡±


    ¡°Honey,¡± she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head slowly.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I know her type,¡± she said, pointing her finger at me. She lay beside me with her head propped up on top of her fist. ¡°She¡¯s going to make you feel like shit and you¡¯ll cave into her advances.¡± I laughed at the idea of succumbing to stupid tactics.


    ¡°I won¡¯t cave in.¡±


    Two hours later, I caved. I asked Yosefin to come over to my house to figure out if we could squabble the tension between us. It took some tears, whimpers, and reminiscing of our cherishable moments before we started dating for me to feel shitty. Then she blamed all the problems we were dealing with. I tried to keep things cordial. One thing led to another. I cracked and gave in to all of her intimate advances. I wanted to punch myself in the gut for letting her manipulate me into doing what she wanted. She snuggled halfway on my body and took a nap for thirty minutes. I lay motionless, occasionally gripping and rubbing her ass while I tried figuring out what I should say to get her out of my head.


    ¡°We got to stop doing this,¡± I said. Yosefin didn¡¯t say a word. All she did was readjust her face to be a bit more closer to my chest. ¡°We¡¯re cheating on our dates at this point.¡±


    ¡°First of all,¡± she said, hoving over me. ¡°She¡¯s not your girlfriend. Second, I¡¯m not dating James.¡±


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t act surprised. You knew I didn¡¯t care for him.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I said but louder.


    ¡°God,¡± she said and rolled off me with her back facing my way. ¡°You¡¯re stupid. Did you really think I would accept him?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡±


    I was in such shock that I couldn¡¯t figure out what else to say. My plan was in shambles. If James couldn¡¯t get her to like him, then I knew no one would.


    ¡°What am I going to do with you?¡± I said, thinking out loud. She snickered before turning it into soft laughter. ¡°Yosefin, this isn¡¯t funny. I can¡¯t keep doing this with you.¡±


    ¡°Sure you can.¡±


    ¡°No! You¡¯re never going to get over me if you are not dating other guys!¡±


    ¡°Oh well.¡± For the second time, I was speechless. ¡°Why so silent?¡± She said, softly laughing out her nose.


    ¡°You have some serious issues!¡± She rolled over on her side and got inches from my face. She didn¡¯t have the slightest smile or frown. Her eyelids hung low above her eyes due to her head being down and her eyes gazing up. ¡°Don¡¯t give me that look.¡± She continued holding the expression without needing to blink.


    ¡°If I was more of a complete wreck,¡± she said and smiled. ¡°That would have made me cry.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to say it like that.¡± I tried to downplay what I said by rewording it to something more meaningful.


    ¡°Dude, shut up,¡± she said after gently headbutting my stomach. I shut my mouth and pressed my lips in. When she saw what I did, she rolled her eyes and then randomly kissed me on my forehead.


    ¡°Please, stop kissing me.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± she said and kissed me once on the lip. ¡°I can¡¯t help myself,¡± she said softly.


    ¡°Yes you can,¡± I said, matching her voice. ¡°We¡¯re friends. Whatever this is, it needs to stop.¡±


    I tried to make myself hate feeling her soft lips. I kept my lips soft, but it was hard to fake not liking it. She took me along for another ride. We went as far as taking our shirts off. She clawed and touched my chest like she was trying to get a feel for something. Her soft warm hands tickled when they rubbed over my nipples. It was also somewhat arousing.


    ¡°We need to stop this,¡± I said, lying through my teeth.


    ¡°That smile tells me another thing.¡± She stopped touching me to reach behind her back to unlatch her bra. I finally snapped out and told her to stop. ¡°Huh? You don¡¯t want to see them?¡±


    ¡°Can we not do this?¡± I said almost laughing.


    ¡°How about you touch them?¡±


    ¡°Yosefin!¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Can you please, get off me? I don¡¯t want to do this anymore.¡± It took her a second to do what I asked. ¡°I think it¡¯s time for you to leave. This was a terrible mistake.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t think it was.¡±


    ¡°Of course, you don¡¯t,¡± I said in a low-volume shout. ¡°I never should have done this the first time we did it.¡±


    ¡°Do you really mean that?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± She asked me again but held my hand from the top. I said the same thing without her holding it. ¡°You¡¯re ruining my chances with Naomi.¡±


    ¡°Do you honestly think she¡¯s better than me?¡± That question left me stumped. The clear answer was obvious yet impossible to say out loud. The only sounds that came out of me were grunts and stutters. ¡°Okay,¡± she said twice only using her mouth. She tried her best to smile. Her lips fidgeted then she suddenly grabbed her shoes and walked out in a hurry. I thought about going after her. I stopped at my door when I decided against it.


    ¡°Let her go, Joshua,¡± I said in my head. ¡°She¡¯s got to realize one way or another.¡±


    The next day after school, Yosefin came to class with a new look. She dyed her hair back to its original black color. All of her earrings were out, she wasn¡¯t wearing makeup, she didn¡¯t have her nose ring in, and she wore a plain shirt and basketball shorts. I was disturbed to see her that way. She looked like a typical average-looking guy. Naomi took notice and asked what the hell went down for Yosefin to make a dramatic change after we saw her storm out of the class the second class ended.


    ¡°Nothing,¡± I said before Naomi gave me the judgmental gaze. ¡°We did it again. You were right about her.¡±


    ¡°Goddamnit Joshua!¡± She whispered. ¡°Who are you trying to date?¡±


    ¡°Uh,¡± I said for three seconds.


    ¡°It¡¯s not a hard question.¡± She left the room before I could tell her she was the one I wanted to be with.


    ¡°Namoi wait!¡± I thought she left me. When I turned the corner, she stood outside the door with her arms crossed with her back to me. ¡°It¡¯s you,¡± I said twice. ¡°I want to be with you.¡±


    ¡°Do you? Because I feel like I¡¯m getting shaged around by your so-called friend.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    ¡°Listen,¡± she said, softening her voice. Her hands cupped my cheeks. Some of the callus below her fingers rubbed against my skin. Her eyes darted between focusing on my eyes. ¡°I think it¡¯s best if you stay away from her. She¡¯s manipulating you into doing what she wants and she¡¯s winning.¡±


    ¡°What can I do to get away from her?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s obvious,¡± she said, letting go of my face. ¡°You gotta take the lead and prove yourself that you truly want me.¡±

 Take The Lead

    Presentation day week for the students¡¯ game projects began. Naomi arrived fifteen minutes early to class to ask our professor if we could start first. I didn¡¯t get the news until I saw her standing at the front of the class, leaning over a chair. Her laptop was connected to an HDMI port on the classroom computer. The computer projected our game on the projector. It was at the home screen where the player would have to hit the start button to play.


    ¡°Oh god,¡± I said. My heart rate went through the roof.


    ¡°It¡¯ll be over quickly,¡± Naomi said. ¡°Present and we can walk out.¡±


    ¡°Really?¡± Our professor nodded his head. It didn¡¯t help decrease my anxiety but a least I didn¡¯t have to suffer the anticipation of waiting my turn. ¡°Are you doing all the talking?¡±


    ¡°Of course!¡± She rolled out the chair for me. ¡°All you got to do is show and I¡¯ll tell,¡± she said, pushing me under the desk once I sat in the chair. ¡°Plus, I don¡¯t want us to be around you know who any longer than needed,¡± she whispered over my right ear.


    ¡°Yosefin?¡± I said the second Yosefin walked in. I slapped my hand over my mouth, thinking she heard me. She didn¡¯t look back or pause. She took her seat next to her partner and put down her head behind her crossed arms.


    ¡°God,¡± she said under her breath. ¡°She¡¯s lost it. Just look at her.¡± I tried to see what she saw. Was it Yosefin¡¯s lack of simple fashion? Was it her body language?


    ¡°What do you see?¡±


    ¡°A girl who wants to make you see that what you¡¯re doing is wrong.¡±


    Naomi¡¯s explanation resonated perfectly with Yosefin¡¯s attitude. All I wanted was for us to be happy with someone we could fall in love with and not force ourselves into a half-baked relationship.


    ¡°It¡¯s sad, isn¡¯t it?¡± I said. ¡°I wish she would see I¡¯m not for her.¡±


    ¡°Trust me. She¡¯ll see,¡± Naomi said, soothing my shoulders by gliding her fingers down them and rubbing the back with her thumbs. ¡°Are we ready to go, professor?¡±


    ¡°Ready when you are,¡± he said.


    ¡°Hello everyone! My name is Naomi! And this,¡± she said and paused for a grandiose tension. ¡°Is my lovely partner, Joshua!¡±


    ¡°Lovely?¡± I said, screaming in my head. Yosefin¡¯s head shot up as if someone yelled her name.


    ¡°We got a nice little platformer for you guys today.¡±


    While Noami talked about our game in detail, I played through the game, showing all the interesting yet basic things we did. The presentation lasted ten minutes, and we got a grade afterward. Our professor gave us a B+ for the game, an A- for the presentation, and extra credit points for being willing participants to go first. He called Yosefin and her partner after I walked outside. I felt like I should stay for a bit to see what they made. Naomi convinced me to not give Yosefin an inch of attention.


    ¡°Is that what I must do?¡± I said. ¡°Ignore her until she¡¯s not interested?¡±


    ¡°Correct.¡±


    ¡°What if she throws a fit or something of the sort?¡±


    ¡°Come on here,¡± she said on took me away from the door by my hand. ¡°Forget her.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± I said, stuttering on the first letter.


    ¡°She¡¯s a lost cause, Joshua. It¡¯s time for you to focus more on me from now on.¡± She placed my hands on her hips and slid them up her waist before putting them above her ass.


    ¡°Not here,¡± I said, moving my hands to the middle of her back. ¡°There¡¯s people around.¡±


    ¡°Boy oh boy,¡± she said, chuckling while turning her head from side to side. ¡°Is this what taking the lead looks like?¡±


    ¡°No...¡± My voice sounded like I answered it in a question. It crescendoed.


    ¡°You better chase me before I¡¯m long gone,¡± she said, strutting down the hallway. Her hips popped out with each step she took, making her ass bounce. ¡°Or would you rather have an ungrateful toxic girl like her?¡±


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    ¡°Ungrateful?¡± That word felt inaccurate. She looked over her shoulder and smirked. That look gave me a mixed bag of signals. I felt offended for Yosefin. I walked after Naomi, doubling my speed. Naomi stopped before I could grab her to get her attention. My crotch bumped into her ass. I wrapped my hands around her stomach to prevent us from falling over.


    ¡°Whoa there,¡± she said with a snicker. ¡°There¡¯s people around.¡±


    ¡°Why did you say she was ungrateful?¡±


    ¡°Is that a serious question?¡± I nodded. ¡°Joshua,¡± she said after scoffing. ¡°You¡¯re an amazing guy.¡± She put up her right hand and lifted each finger to list what made me amazing. ¡°Good intentions, adorable, easygoing, yet dumb in an understandable way.¡±


    ¡°Dumb?¡± I squinted and scrunched my lips.


    ¡°You need to get off her hook. Let her go.¡±


    ¡°But,¡± I said, looking at our classroom door. ¡°That¡¯s my friend you¡¯re talking about.¡±


    ¡°After what she¡¯s done to you since we¡¯ve known each other, she is not your friend. Let her go.¡±


    I repeated the last three words in my head a million times. A life without Yosefin sounded wrong. I couldn¡¯t ignore her sudden attitude change and lack of communication for good. A part of me wanted to hold on to finding a solution so we could return to the great days of our special friendship that would benefit us both.


    ¡°Ok... I¡¯ll let her go,¡± I said.


    ¡°Perfect!¡± Noami said. ¡°Now we can move on.¡±


    ¡°So, about that date,¡± I said to keep her from noticing how sad I felt from my disgusting lie. ¡°What do you want to do?¡±


    ¡°Surprise me.¡±


    ¡°Damn. Really?¡±


    ¡°You got until Saturday to figure it out so make it good, honey.¡±


    I searched all over the internet, looking for something interesting a man could do for his date. There were a couple of nice restaurants I found close to where I lived. I also found a mega arcade that was a roller coaster deep within our city that Naomi and I could try. I consulted with my sister to see what she would choose if her boyfriend asked as we sat around the dining room table.


    ¡°Both,¡± Vanessa said. ¡°But, I would go with the arcade first.¡±


    ¡°Both?¡± I said and sighed as I thought about how much money it would cost me. ¡°That¡¯s gonna cost me a lot.¡±


    ¡°Then choose one.¡±


    ¡°But I need to impress her.¡±


    ¡°Can I ask you a question?¡± It took her five seconds to ask after I told her to go ahead. She hesitated on the first word but spoke everything else clearly. ¡°What... happened with you and Yosefin?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s complicated.¡±


    ¡°I saw her walk out of you¡¯re room, crying. She left the front door wide open.¡±


    ¡°Damn,¡± I said before I tucked my face in my hands to hide my shame.


    ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°You know I¡¯ve been seeing Noami for the past few months, right?¡±


    ¡°I know.¡±


    ¡°Yosefin believes she should¡¯ve been the one.¡±


    ¡°Well, you should¡¯ve chosen her.¡± She took me by surprise with that comment. I put my hands in my lap but kept my head down. The shame added another layer that was more of a gut-wrenching feeling.


    ¡°I don¡¯t like her like that.¡±


    ¡°But she¡¯s so cool and beautiful.¡± She made me chuckle while she rambled on about how she viewed my close friendship with Yosefin. ¡°I thought it would be a matter of time but then you suddenly switched on her.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t switch. I... just wasn¡¯t into her like that.¡±


    ¡°Okay then,¡± she said after she sighed. ¡°It just seemed like you were. I could be mistaken.¡±


    Our conversation replayed in my head over and over again throughout the day. It followed for several hours the next day. I began having second thoughts on whether I should ultimately win Noami¡¯s love. She was a good choice for me, but I was scared I would lose Yosefin in the process of seeking a relationship. I called Kat and asked her what I should do. All I got out of our conversation was to screw Yosefin¡¯s feelings and ask Naomi out. Her opinion felt like she had beefed with what happened last year. I disregarded all advice from her and sought Kaga¡¯s point of view over the phone as a last-ditch effort.


    ¡°You¡¯re in a little pickle here,¡± Kaga said.


    ¡°Please, help me,¡± I said. ¡°How do I resolve this without losing my best friend?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no way this¡¯ll end happily I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    ¡°Fuck!¡± I said through my teeth. I wanted to throw my phone as hard as I could on the floor.


    ¡°Who do you value being with the most?¡±


    ¡°I value both!¡±


    ¡°Easy,¡± said, repeating the word multiple times. ¡°Go on your date and talk with Naomi about your thoughts on it, kay?¡±


    I didn¡¯t do what Kaga suggested and chose to take Vanessa¡¯s recommendation to take Naomi to the two places. Everything went smoothly. We spent hours on the arcade machines, then ate at a restaurant until our bellies were full. The thoughts of what I struggled with, trying to figure out a solution crept in on the drive to Naomi¡¯s apartment. I tried to suppress it with random shit I could think of, but Yosefin¡¯s beautiful gaze kept shining through. I reminisced about all the wonderful things we did and remembered each bad occasion we had.


    ¡°Goddamnit,¡± I said.


    ¡°What?!¡± Noami said in a panic.


    ¡°I... need to go clean my... toilet when I get home.¡±


    ¡°Oh...¡± She held her heart and laughed out of breath. ¡°You scared me.¡±


    ¡°So, did you have fun?¡± I said to keep her mind off me and what I previously said. ¡°Did I prove I¡¯m worthy?¡±


    ¡°Yes! You will be an excellent boyfriend!¡±


    As the days went on my relationship with Naomi flourished while my friendship with Yosefin withered away. I found myself constantly glancing at her, hoping she would at least sneak a peek at me. And when she did, she would snarl, scoff, or indirectly mutter something negative under her breath. She gave me no glimpse, no spark; no hope of ever returning to what I cherished.


    The sadness, guilt, and questions tortured me for a month. It began taking a turn for the worse when I started to ignore Naomi so I could be alone. She threatened a breakup if I didn¡¯t stop feeling sorry for Yosefin. I said enough was enough. I decided to pay Yosefin a visit to her house on the eve of Christmas to find a solution that would end our fix our separation.

 Reconcile

    Yosefin¡¯s father allowed me in the house without asking why I wanted to talk with her. I cracked the door open to see if I could spot her inside her room. I heard multiple mouse clicking, keyboard pressing, and occasional pissed-off grunts she normally did when she played any competitive games. It was nice to hear them after several months of not gaming together. I could stand here for a while listening to what funny bullshit she might be going through, but I didn¡¯t let the good times get in the way of the reason why I came. When I pushed open the door, she went quiet. The keyboard and mouse clicking stopped.


    ¡°Was ist es? (What is it?¡°) She said. She resumed playing for a few seconds then stopped again. ¡°Was wollen Sie? (What do you want?¡°) She said, raising her voice. I stepped in the second she peeked her head around from her chair to see who it was.


    ¡°Hey,¡± I said softly with no emotion in my voice. ¡°We need to talk.¡± She looked at her computer screen where an active match was going off. I walked in, closing the door behind me by firmly holding the knob on the open position and then slowly releasing it back. ¡°Naomi is threatening to break up with me because of how you¡¯re acting.¡± Without saying a word, she closed out of her match and put her headset on the desk. She interlocked her fingers with her forearms resting on her legs while ducking her head down. It gave me the sense that she didn¡¯t give a shit about what was happening or was scared to look me in the eyes for the trouble I was going through. ¡°Will you grow the fuck up?¡± I said, raising my voice.


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± She said with so much sass that it brought my blood to a boil. I went over to the foot of her bed to get away from the door so her parents wouldn¡¯t easily hear me.


    ¡°You¡¯re fucking up my chance of keeping her, Yosefin! So, fucking stop!¡±


    ¡°Screw you, dude!¡± She jumped so fast out of her seat that it spun into the desk. ¡°It¡¯s your fault I¡¯m fucked emotionally!¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I laughed in frustration. I couldn¡¯t believe that she was blaming me for her childish behavior. ¡°Are you serious?¡±


    ¡°You made me go along with that stupid dating shit while knowing I didn¡¯t want to do it.¡±


    ¡°I did it for us.¡±


    ¡°No!¡± She said many times as she wagged her finger at me. ¡°You did it for yourself. You did it because you didn¡¯t want to be with me because of what I am.¡±


    ¡°Wrong,¡± I said several times while she tried to one-up me by saying yes. ¡°You¡¯re absolutely wrong! You know the reasons,¡± I said, pointing my finger at her chest.


    ¡°Those reasons,¡± she emphasized then smacked my hand away so she could jab her finger into my chest. ¡°Are a bunch of lies! Do you remember what we did when I wanted to rant, hmm?¡±


    ¡°You manipulated me into doing that.¡± She stuttered and couldn¡¯t look at me in the eyes until she stopped.


    ¡°You enjoyed it. All I did was ask.¡± Then, she stuttered some more before reminding me that I wanted to see her naked to appease my curiosity. ¡°That was all on you.¡±


    ¡°I just wanted to know I wasn¡¯t being lied to.¡±


    ¡°You thought I was lying about what I am?!¡± She said then scoffed, laughing at me. ¡°Face it, dude,¡± she said as she stood less than a foot from me. Half of her body was standing near my right side. Her right foot was between my feet and her boobs were grazing my stomach. ¡°All those intimate moments we had,¡± she whispered before she giggled like a crazy woman. ¡°You wanted me.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t. I... kept getting uncomfortable afterward.¡±


    ¡°But you came back for more!¡± Some spit hit my cheek. I turned my head away then came back. ¡°Sorry.¡± She used her thumb to wipe it off and the back of her hand to dry the skin. I was stunned by how she went from a moment of anger followed by apologetic kindness. It left me almost speechless about how random it was. We were red in the face moments ago, pointing fingers, cursing, and yelling. Then it became calm like we were getting ready to admit defeat or say something off-topic.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said to fill the silence.


    ¡°What?¡± She somewhat snapped but said it again without the attitude.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She took a step back, crossed her arms, and tucked them under her boobs all while her eyes closed.


    ¡°Just fucking say it, for the love of god,¡± she said after taking a deep breath.


    ¡°Say what?¡± I said, hesitant to deny an idea of what she meant.


    A part of me knew what she was alluding to. The words I assumed she wanted to hear were that I liked her. The problem with that was I wasn¡¯t confident in believing that, even though my actions would testify against it. There was too much evidence exposing my true thoughts for her. I thought I could find the perfect woman I dreamed of. Naomi was the perfect fit for what I wanted. She was beautiful, sexy, loyal, friendly, supportive, someone I could have some modest fun with, yet I kept finding myself looking down the sights where Yosefin was. She was like Naomi, but Yosefin wasn¡¯t a woman. She was a product of a strange mutation that she wore like a badge of honor until she met me. I caused her doubt in herself because of my unwillingness to be honest with myself. All I had to do was say the truth and maybe our friendship wouldn¡¯t reach the point of going nuclear.


    ¡°Stop,¡± she stopped to touch my chest while close to my body. ¡°Stop looking at me like you don¡¯t care for me,¡± she cried with teary eyes. ¡°Just say that you¡¯ve always had feelings for me.¡± She tucked her head down into my chest right after tears fell from her eyes. I embraced her without hesitation. ¡°I¡¯ll admit, I¡¯ve been a really shitty person to you.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said nearly crying. ¡°I¡¯m an absolute shithead. I¡¯m childish, manipulative, envious, clingy.¡± Spoken like a sinner confessing their guilt. The ugly truths about her were a sight of relief to hear but a hard pill to swallow for me. It was partly my fault those terrible attributes were elevated to an extreme.


    ¡°It¡¯s my fault too,¡± I said.


    ¡°It¡¯s not. I¡¯ve been like this since god knows how long. You were the unfortunate person that got hit by it.¡±


    ¡°It hit me hard.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m a bad friend!¡± She continued crying like a sad child. I tried my best to calm her down by rubbing her back. Eventually, I got her to stop by making her sit with me on her bed. She cuddled in my lap with her head under my chin. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for the stress I caused between you and Naomi. I¡¯m so ashamed of myself.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be.¡±


    ¡°What friend does what I did?¡± Her wheezing made me feel absolutely terrible. I hated seeing her sad. I got teary-eyed whenever she beat on herself. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t be friends anymore. I¡¯m ruining your life.¡±


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she said, looking at me with her eyes drenched in tears. ¡°Go be with her, Josh. Go be happy.¡± While she was trying to prevent herself from crying with her hands over her eyes, I deeply thought about whether I should accept her wish. If I went along and took Naomi as my girlfriend, what would that do to Yosefin?


    As I stared at the defeat within Yosefin¡¯s tear-drenched red face, I decided to mentally rip up the goal of seeking the perfect girl and chose to take the better alternative that would last me to the end of my days. My decision wasn¡¯t solely based on the repercussions it would have on Yosefin, but on what it would do to us as a whole. I had the best person standing in front of me all along. Sure, she wasn¡¯t the thing I truly wanted because of one little issue I had. She had her flaws many wouldn¡¯t dare to be around yet she gave me many amazing memories I would never forget. She tickled my heart in so many ways that she could make me smile just by a thought. Why should I start over?


    Time after time my actions contradicted my opposing thoughts. I kept coming back. It was time to end the shenanigans and begin to be honest with myself. I couldn¡¯t let my two-face wishy-washy bullshit continue destroying my friend.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going back to her,¡± I said. ¡°I can¡¯t be with her.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± She said, sniffing up a hefty amount of mucus. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°Because...¡± I sighed to combat the intense stress that washed over me when I finally saw her as my one true girlfriend. ¡°I want to be with you.¡± She stopped crying and looked me dead in the eyes.


    ¡°You¡¯re... not... serious. You don¡¯t even like me.¡±


    ¡°Come on. Is that true?¡±


    ¡°Yes! You¡¯ve told me countless times no!¡± I repeated the same question but emphasized and slowed my words. For a long moment, she stared at me without saying a word.


    ¡°I¡¯m done lying to you,¡± I said twice, softening my voice the second time.


    ¡°Oh, my god.¡± Her trembling voice brought me to tears. ¡°But... I¡¯m... I¡¯m not a...¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t care about that anymore,¡± I said, poking her chest where her heart was.


    ¡°But I¡¯m still a terrible person. Look at how I acted this year and last year.¡±


    ¡°If I was honest with myself, you would have never acted like that. I¡¯m so sorry, Yosefin.¡± I hugged her and asked for forgiveness for denying I liked her. She cried in silence and then began to giggle.


    ¡°I forgive you!¡±


    ¡°Thank you.¡± She hugged me with all her might. ¡°And this is how I¡¯ll make everything right between us,¡± I said, resting my hand on her bare thigh. ¡°Do you want to be my¡ª¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± She screamed behind her hands. ¡°S- Sorry,¡± she said normally. ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Girlfriend?¡± I said to make sure that name would be fine. ¡°Does that sound all right with you?¡±


    ¡°Is there something wrong with using boyfriend?¡± My heart sunk into my stomach like a brick. When I grabbed my chest she bursted out laughing to the point she began snorting. ¡°Bro, settle down. I get it. That title...¡± She stopped to swing her fingers under her neck. ¡°Now... girlfriend... That¡¯s a name I will honor.¡±


    ¡°Honor?¡±


    ¡°Josh... I will make you proud choosing me.¡±


    ¡°Gosh,¡± I chuckled nervously. ¡°Sounds like you¡¯ll go above and beyond.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s because,¡± she paused to snuggle under my left arm. Her left hand was gently clawing my chest while the other hand held my waist. ¡°I¡¯ve been waiting for this moment,¡± she whispered in a gentle voice. ¡°Since I was eighteen, I wanted you.¡± Her voice got softer. It went to a barely hearable level. ¡°Now that I¡¯m twenty...¡± She looked me in the eyes when she said those words. I gazed into her brown eyes, losing myself in them. My mind went blank until she spoke some more. ¡°I feel like a happy child!¡± She giggled.


    ¡°So,¡± I said, gently lifting her chin to bring her lips closer to mine. Unfortunately, I brought them too close and we ended up making out before I could ask if she was ready to start dating. We kissed a few times before she pulled away to ask me what I was going to say. ¡°Are you ready to see how this goes?¡±


    ¡°To be honest, you picked the worst time to ask me out,¡± she laughed. ¡°Like... dude, look at me! My fucking arms and legs are hairy. My hair is fucking short and back to its original color.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I cringed through my teeth then laughed with her.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. They don¡¯t bother you, right?¡±


    ¡°Eh...¡± When I looked at her hairy arms and legs, it was all she needed for an answer.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You¡¯ll get your silky smooth skin back after today.¡± The way she gave me possession of her body gave me one of the most arousing chills throughout my brain. My eyes jittered. Goosebumps rose on my arms. ¡°Hey, should I dye my hair back to the blonde streaks?¡±


    ¡°If you want.¡±


    ¡°Nah,¡± she snickered. ¡°I¡¯ll grow it out,¡± she said then came up to my ear to whisper. ¡°So, how are you going to tell Naomi about us?¡±


    ¡°I guess I¡¯ll call her.¡±


    ¡°Or,¡± she said, taking my hand away from my pocket where my phone was. ¡°We do it together in person.¡±


    ¡°Why? She was going to be my girlfriend. I have to be the one to tell her my decision.¡±


    ¡°I share the responsibility too.¡± She held my hand, soothing the back of it with her thumb. Her normally soft skin had a somewhat of a rough texture. It was another negative detail I felt like I caused. ¡°What time is it?¡± She asked, glancing at the window. ¡°Maybe we could tell her today.¡±


    ¡°This is going to suck.¡±


    ¡°Yeah,¡± she sighed.


    Yosefin rode in my car when I drove to Naomi¡¯s apartment. It was partly snowing during that time of day. Yosefin had to huddle against me to stay warm while we waited for Naomi to answer the door. When Naomi opened the door, her smile turned into a frown the second she saw Yosefin. I wasted no time telling her the decision I made with Yosefin. Yosefin helped me further explain my choice, but it was also straight to the point. Naomi didn¡¯t take the breakup well. She cussed us both out with the most vile language I couldn¡¯t imagine saying to someone.


    ¡°You¡¯ve managed to break my heart twice,¡± Naomi said, jabbing two fingers into my chest. ¡°Fuck you! Fuck men! And...¡± She looked at Yosefin and spat at her feet. Luckily, her spit hit the ground. I pulled us away just in case she wanted to try again. ¡°I don¡¯t know what he sees in an absolutely whiny bitch like you.¡± Yosefin clutched me tighter while Naomi continued insulting her. She questioned why a girl like Yosefin should exist. ¡°Joshua, your standards must be so low for to want unlikeable dogshit like this fucking trashy girl.¡±


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    ¡°Josh,¡± Yosefin said the moment I had enough of the insults.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go,¡± I said. Once we got back into the car, I was so livid that I was speechless. I sat with my head in my hand and eyes closed for a few minutes before apologizing to Yosefin for Naomi¡¯s unfiltered behavior. ¡°You are not those things she said.¡±


    ¡°I know,¡± she said at a soft volume I almost didn¡¯t hear. I thought she was about to cry. I waited to see if she would. She didn¡¯t look at me but kept her eyes forward at the front of the car. ¡°But I can¡¯t help but find some of them accurate.¡± Her voice remained calm, and her eyes were dry. She smiled when she saw me watching, then said,¡± Yes,¡± as if everything was fine.


    ¡°Are you okay? Did she hurt you?¡±


    ¡°No... but yes,¡± she answered still smiling. ¡°I¡¯m okay. That was old Yosefin she was really mad at.¡± She stopped mid-sentence to kiss me on the cheek. Her cold lips sent a chill down my neck. ¡°This one will not be like that anymore.¡±


    ¡°Good. So, what do you want to do today? It¡¯s Christmas Eve. Wanna do something fun?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go skating!¡±


    ¡°Fine,¡± I said, rolling my eyes.


    We skated for hours, wasting our entire day in the rink. I never thought I would enjoy my time more than before. My face and stomach began to ache from laughing too much. Yosefin had the same issues and asked me to slow dance with her so we could have a moment that wasn¡¯t pure fun. I was so exhausted from moving so much that she was the only one swaying me instead of us doing it together.


    ¡°Bro,¡± Yosefin giggled. ¡°Are you done for the day?¡±


    ¡°I need to sit down.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± She held my hand and walked me outside the rink to a table far away from everyone. It was a dark corner of the room since most of the lights were turned off to set the romantic mood inside the rink. I didn¡¯t understand why she chose this spot until she sat in my lap facing me when I got in a chair.


    ¡°Couldn¡¯t you wait till we got to your room?¡±


    ¡°Is that what you want?¡±


    ¡°I prefer we don¡¯t do this around people. Plus, it feels odd with all of this thick clothing on.¡±


    ¡°Josh!¡± She gasped into a playful giggle. ¡°So... like... naked?¡±


    ¡°No?¡± I said, cracking my voice. ¡°Just out of these clothes.¡±


    ¡°Ah huh,¡± she said and then leaned back to cross her arms. ¡°Whatever you say.¡±


    Once I brought her home, her parents were already sleeping. She had to input a code to prevent the alarm system from waking up everyone when we entered through the front door.


    ¡°Are you staying the night?¡± She whispered while carefully tugging my fingers to bring me into her room.


    ¡°Do you want me to stay?¡±


    ¡°Mhmm!¡± She smiled and shook her head rapidly. ¡°We should make this a thing. You spending the night here during this time of the year.¡± The idea sounded amazing. One night with her to let loose on a worldwide special day sounded like a good time.


    ¡°I¡¯m down.¡±


    ¡°Hell yes,¡± she whispered and fist-pumped the air. ¡°Come! Let¡¯s get this night going!¡±


    Unlike the night from last year, all we did was lay in bed and talk about what our future would look like since we were in a relationship. She did most of the talking. All I did was listen and occasionally grunt to show her I was listening to every thoughtful word. She went as far as marriage and adopting kids. I had to pull the breaks on eyeing the future and redirect her somewhere in the upcoming months.


    ¡°Come back. You¡¯re thinking too far ahead,¡± I said.


    ¡°But,¡± she paused to move my hand from her hip to her stomach. ¡°These are genuine concerns.¡±


    ¡°I know, but that¡¯s way far ahead.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said, sighing.


    I rolled on my back to stretch out of being in the same spoon position for half an hour. The stretch made me let out a massive yawn. Seconds later, she yawned and snuggled halfway on me. She planted her left leg between my legs. The upper part of it was pressing into my crotch. I couldn¡¯t help but grab her plump ass to make sure she didn¡¯t move from that spot.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna so love this,¡± she said.


    ¡°Love what?¡± I said nearly laughing as I thought about how much she would like being grabbed and touched. My dirty mind went to places it shouldn¡¯t have gone. I didn¡¯t want to repeat the stupid relationship I had with Kat. With Yosefin, it would be meaningful. ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said to catch her attention.


    ¡°Yeah huh?¡±


    ¡°How often would we do... things like this?¡± I patted her ass in hopes she would understand the hint. ¡°That sort of stuff.¡± She hummed for a long time before giving me an answer.


    ¡°I would say a few times per week. Maybe every day if you¡¯d like.¡±


    ¡°Jesus!¡±I screamed in my head.


    ¡°Do you want me to do something now?¡± She said, slowly approaching my face. ¡°Are you itching for something new?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± I panicked. ¡°I¡¯m fine for now.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said then rolled off of me to get under the covers from her side of the bed. ¡°How about tomorrow? We¡¯ll try something new, ja?¡±


    I laughed nervously as I accepted to do whatever she wanted. Her cute grin made me regret my decision. I had the perfect chance to test the waters in the moment but I blew it for a chance later. Knowing my confidence level, I would most likely not say a word to remind her. I feard the unknown. My biggest concern was how I would act if she was looking for love. I knew what I signed up for, but I wish it didn¡¯t scare me.


    ¡°Josh!¡± She said. I snapped out of my daydreaming like a bulb popping when someone turned on the lights.


    ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re getting red in the face!¡±


    ¡°Well...¡± I laughed in short bursts. ¡°You¡¯ll see a lot of that.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ll see it a lot from me too so you¡¯re not alone in this.¡± It soothed my heart to hear her say that. I felt like she had some idea of the sheer stress that went through my mind. She seemed to handle it better than me. ¡°Well,¡± she yawned. She grabbed the fan remote and shut off the lights then came back to me for a snuggle. ¡°Good night,¡± she said after a lovely kiss on my cheek. ¡°And... sweet dreams.¡±


    ¡°Thanks. Good night, Yosefin.¡± She smiled for a second, adjusted her body one more time, and stopped moving. The only few sounds in the room were the fan ceiling throwing cool air into my ears and her gentle breathing.


    Christmas morning was a big day for us. After Yosefin¡¯s parents fed us breakfast, she surprised them with the big news that we were dating. They were ecstatic. I felt like I was getting congratulated for an award ceremony. It was quite odd yet nice to see her parents happy for her. But it didn¡¯t stop there. For the sake of celebration and fairness, I brought Yosefin to my parent¡¯s house and told them the big news. Unfortunately, we didn¡¯t get the reaction her parents had. They were more confused because I was in the middle of dating Naomi for months. Yosefin tried her best to explain why I switched but luckily, I found the words to give them the perfect answer.


    ¡°We were like soulmates,¡± I said. ¡°Soulmates that were scared of each other and too shy to take the leap of faith.¡± My parents gave me awes and nodded their heads when they finally got the picture.


    ¡°You don¡¯t know how much this means to me to be dating your son,¡± Yosefin said. She held my hand while she spoke from the heart. She glossed over not having a typical average life when she was younger. I thought she would spill the beans about what her body turned into but she never mentioned it in the slightest. All of the focus was on the lack of friends and being socially awkward for a time. She got teary-eyed after she joked around about how I got on her radar through my old pictures on social media.


    ¡°I had to get him,¡± Yosefin said. My parents chuckled when she said that. The tears in her eyes remained until she turned her back to them. One blink was all it took for them to flow all at once. And the lovely part about it was the gorgeous smile she gave me.


    I took Yosefin to my room so we could be in private. Our emotions were high. We couldn¡¯t stop gazing at each other like we were about to do something out of the blue.


    ¡°I like what you said back there,¡± she said. ¡°You perfectly explained our friendship.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± I said, averting my shy gaze for a quick second. ¡°That was bold of you to talk about your past.¡±


    ¡°I left a few details out,¡± she said then winked. ¡°So,¡± she whispered. We reached out to grab each other¡¯s thighs as if we were synchronized. Our fingers bumped. She pulled away so I took the chance to place my hand between her legs.


    ¡°What do you want to do today?¡± She didn¡¯t answer right away. She had a deep contemplative stare that lasted for a few seconds. Her lips were slightly open. She looked at my eyes, lips, and down my chest in that order. ¡°Something on your mind?¡± She nodded. ¡°What is it? Are we going out somewhere?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said, breaking her gaze to stare at the floor. ¡°Spend the night with me,¡± she said in a soft voice.


    ¡°Again?¡±


    ¡°A real one this time. Let¡¯s have fun, watch movies, drink coca, and cuddle.¡±


    ¡°Sure. I don¡¯t have any plans today.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± she said, stretching the word as she tapped her hand on my shoulder. ¡°Spend time with your family. I¡¯ll call you to come later.¡±


    I happily did what Yosefin wanted. Around seven o¡¯clock, she texted me to come. It was heavily snowing that night. My car wasn¡¯t suited to drive through thick snow but it luckily made it to her house. When I arrived, I saw that her dad¡¯s truck wasn¡¯t in the driveway. The second I rang the doorbell, she dragged me in by my jacket. She embraced me with a tight hug with the wind blowing into the house. I had to slam the door shut with my foot.


    ¡°I want to do something before we start,¡± she said then pulled herself away.


    I got a good look at her before she walked off to her room. She had full makeup on. Her lips were glossy red. The mascara around her eyes made her brown eyes pop more. Her cheeks were artificially blushed with a pinkish-red color and she wore a necklace with a pink rhombus jewel. The last piece that stood out was her casual outfit. She wore a white shirt tucked under her black elastic shorts. The house wasn¡¯t that warm the more I moved away from the front door. It was cool until I walked into her room. The temp was nice and warm from a small heater she had on low on her dresser.


    ¡°Toasty,¡± I said. I got out of my warm clothes and parked myself on the bed after closing the door. Her bathroom door was cracked open. I heard a loud thump followed by what sounded like cursing in German. ¡°Are you okay?¡±


    ¡°Are you sitting down?¡± She said.


    ¡°I am.¡± She stormed out of the bathroom half-naked and stood before me with her head down and hands behind her back. Her stomach was level with my face. I looked down before looking up to her eyes. She had on black underwear with a white elastic band that went high up her waist. Her bra had the same design. ¡°What are you¡ª¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna do it!¡± She said quickly. She didn¡¯t have to say anything else for me to understand what she was about to do.


    ¡°It was meant to happen eventually, right?¡±


    ¡°If you want me, you need to see the truth,¡± she said with a light chuckle and a sigh. ¡°Are you ready?¡± I nodded my head to give her the green light. She took off her bra without any hesitation. The sight of them took my breath away. My heart rate began to rise while my erection grew. Before she slid down her underwear, she took a step back. Her thumbs went down her waist and she bent over to slide them down. For a moment she paused once her underwear was under her feet. My heart rate rose higher from the anticipation. ¡°Joshua,¡± she said after taking a deep breath. ¡°This is me.¡±


    She stood up with her hands behind her back. The first thing I noticed was the weight she lost. She wasn¡¯t as chubby as I remembered at the beginning of the semester.


    ¡°You¡¯ve lost some weight,¡± I said, looking her in the eyes.


    ¡°Depression will do that.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry to hear that,¡± I said and looked at her feet through the cover of blinking.


    ¡°At least I¡¯m at the weight I wanted to be on.¡± I found that comment laughable yet worrisome. Her figure looked spectacular.


    ¡°You still look amazing.¡±


    ¡°Thanks,¡± she said before she went silent for a moment. ¡°Did you... look?¡±


    ¡°Not yet,¡± I said indirectly glancing at her right leg.


    ¡°Should I go cover up?¡±


    My eyes began to slowly drift up her leg as if it had a mind of its own. Once they reached her hips, they locked on what caused us so much trouble. I wasn¡¯t repulsed by any form of fashion. My stomach didn¡¯t turn, my heart rate stayed where it was, and I didn¡¯t look away from complete shock. All of my aroused emotions remained the same. I was relieved that my curious answers from months ago were answered, yet happy to finally see the person I came to have feelings for in full display. There was no facade blinding my view.


    ¡°This is Yosefin B?hme,¡± I said, talking out loud.


    ¡°Yeah, this is me,¡± she said, opening her arms out. ¡°I¡¯m like you, just weird in a lot of places.¡± She soothed her right boob and gripped her left waist. ¡°So many places,¡± she scoffed with a smirk, shaking her head as if she was disappointed.


    ¡°You¡¯re wrong.¡± I stood up and held her close for the best tender hug I could offer. ¡°You¡¯re not like me. You are, Yosefin. Right in all the places.¡±


    ¡°But... I wasn¡¯t supposed to look like this. I¡¯m a freaking mutant, Josh. Look at the things that shouldn¡¯t be on me.¡± She tucked her face between my neck and shoulder and kept repeating, ¡°I¡¯m a mutant.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t call yourself that,¡± I said while she tried to fight with me by saying she was. Eventually, she lost the fight. I won by complimenting her beauty and amazing personality. The insults she said to herself turned into shy mumbled agreements. ¡°You were made to look like this,¡± I said after I made sure she looked at me. ¡°Just so a stupid guy like me would fall in love with it.¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she whispered in a weep, holding me tight. ¡°You¡¯re not stupid.¡±


    ¡°Look at what I¡¯ve done. I¡¯m stupid, an idiot; simple!¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯re not,¡± she said several times until her soft voice overpowered all the negativity I saw in myself.


    She held me close. It felt like she was trying to pull me down to her. I surrendered and allowed her to take hold of how she wanted me to stand. She bent me down to her height. Her arms went around the back of my neck while I held her lower back.


    ¡°We¡¯ve done some stupid things,¡± She said. ¡°But that doesn¡¯t matter. You are an amazing guy.¡±


    ¡°I am?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no one in the world I want to be with more than you.¡±


    I had to look her in the eyes to see if she meant those words. Her eyes were flowing with tears. She tried to smile but kept frowning. The truthful realization of how in love she was with me hit me deeply. I felt like an extreme asshole it took me a long time to see how much she was into me.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said. ¡°I feel the same way.¡±


    ¡°Damn,¡± she said almost weeping. She covered her eyes with her forearm but kept crying. ¡°Don¡¯t make me mess up my makeup!¡±


    ¡°My bad!¡± When her arm came down, her tears fell without her blinking. ¡°Shit! I¡¯m sorry!¡±


    ¡°I need to take it off anyway.¡± Her tears wouldn¡¯t stop flowing. She took a step to her left and cried softly with her forearm over her eyes again. The low tone of her weeping scared me to my bones.


    ¡°Are you okay?¡± When I tugged on her arm to see her face, she slowly turned to me with her arms reaching for my chest. She cradled her face against my chest and cried with no sense of control. ¡°Whoa,¡± I said after I put my arms around her back to keep her steady. ¡°Why are you crying like this?¡± It took her a minute to calm down, and lots of back rubs to keep her calm. ¡°Are you good?¡± I said, keeping my voice soft.


    ¡°I¡¯m good,¡± she said softly. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go clean up.¡±


    She walked into her bathroom while I sat on her bed with my hands in my face, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. Minutes went by. I sat in the same position, soothing my eyes, face, and ears to keep myself calm, and checked through every moment leading up to her crying. I didn¡¯t hear her come out of the bathroom until she snuggled her face into my shoulder. Her face was clean. The hair near her hairline was damped and had rose sented aroma. She was clothed in what she had worn earlier in the day, but her bra and underwear were on the ground in front of us.


    ¡°Did I say something wrong to make you cry?¡± I said.


    ¡°I don¡¯t deserve you,¡± she said. ¡°I feel like I¡¯ve gotten you through shitty means.¡±


    ¡°Like how?¡±


    ¡°I had a crush on you before we met in college,¡± she said through her teeth before she poked my shoulder twice. She reminded me of the time she quote-on-quote stalked my social media page when I posted skateboarding pictures. ¡°And I knew what I wanted would be extremely impossible because of what I am.¡±


    ¡°Then Kat came along and messed up your plan for a time, yeah?¡±


    ¡°Oh my god,¡± she said, rolling her eyes while spazzing her eyelids open and shut. ¡°I thought she would take you from me. You were really into her and I hated that.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s gorgeous for her size. She has a fat ass and big tits. What man wouldn¡¯t want her?¡±


    ¡°A few,¡± I said almost laughing.


    ¡°I was scared I would lose you to that... bitch! I tried to make you see that I was the better choice.¡±


    ¡°I should have picked you sooner.¡±


    ¡°But you weren¡¯t comfortable.¡± The truth stung. It gave me a sour taste in my mouth when I remembered denying her after she offered me to pick her to date. ¡°Then we had that dance last year. After that, we went places.¡± The word ¡®place¡¯ was emphasized.


    ¡°Lots of places.¡±


    ¡°Mhmm.¡± She nodded, smiling with her lips in her mouth. ¡°I wore a pretty dress and bathing suit to impress you.¡± I was surprised. I thought she did that because of the weather and the places we were going to. ¡°So, do you understand how badly I wanted you?¡±


    ¡°I do and I fucked it up by making you agree to try dating someone else.¡±


    ¡°You made me feel unlovable. And before you say that you¡¯re sorry,¡± she said then stopped talking for a moment. ¡°This was all in my head,¡± she said, tapping the sides of her head. ¡°I took my delusions to the extreme.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I said when I couldn¡¯t resist to urge from not taking responsibility.


    ¡°For a year, I tried to make you fall in love with me. Now... I got what I wanted. But, was it worth all the damage I caused?¡±


    ¡°I believe it was,¡± I said after I kissed the scar on her forehead. ¡°You got what you wanted and I got what I should¡¯ve had.¡±


    ¡°How could you say that?¡± She said nearly crying with a smile on her face. ¡°I almost lost you because of what I wanted.¡±


    ¡°I almost lost you because I was in denial,¡± I said almost laughing at myself. ¡°Like I said, I¡¯m stupid. I¡¯ve made our year miserable. I¡¯m a terrible person.¡±


    ¡°Stop,¡± she said, hugging me from the side. ¡°You¡¯re not those things. You¡¯re the best thing that¡¯s happened in my life!¡±


    ¡°I am?¡±


    ¡°Yes!¡± She said, getting choked up on her words. ¡°I love you, Joshua,¡± she said, bawling her eyes out. ¡°This is a dream come true.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m happy it came true.¡±


    ¡°What about you?¡± She said, watching my face closely. ¡°Is this what you wanted?¡± Her hand lay on her chest when she asked me that question. ¡°Or is this good enough?¡±


    ¡°It is.¡±


    ¡°Yay,¡± she said, cheering softly. Her smile was enough to bring tears to my eyes.


    Yosefin and I spent most of our time doing the same stuff we did last year. It was strange to not feel weird about what she was anymore. I felt more confident expressing more of my feelings whether it was through conversation or being intimate. The only regret I had was what I did and not loving her sooner. Her short natural black hair acted as a physical reminder of months of denial and a warning for me to never make those mistakes again.

 Dearest Lovers

    The day after Christmas started off with bad news. Yosefin woke me after getting off the phone with her mom to tell me that her parents got stuck in a snowstorm that came in last night. They were forced to get a hotel to wait out the storm, but the snow made travel impossible. I heard about the storm¡¯s arrival days before but didn¡¯t think it would come until the weekend. The neighborhood had several feet of snow blocking the street. We were somewhat confined to the house because of the snow blocking the front and back doors. Luckily the garage was connected to the house. If we needed to get out, we could get the shovels to dig our way out.


    ¡°Yo, dude!¡± Yosefin said, shaking my side of the bed by pumping her hand into the mattress. ¡°Looks like you¡¯re staying over for another night.¡±


    ¡°Huh?¡± I said in a groggy voice.


    ¡°You¡¯re staying over for another night!¡± She said in a monotone voice. ¡°This is so awesome!¡±


    ¡°How so?¡±


    ¡°I get to spend more time with my boyfriend,¡± she said, doing a little dance. Her optimism was adorable.


    ¡°What would you like to do with me today?¡±


    ¡°Oh,¡± she said manically laughing as she leaned into my face. ¡°Poor choice of words.¡± I instantly regretted how I formed my words. ¡°I would like you to...¡±


    ¡°To?¡± I said after trying to soothe my throat by gulping the little saliva I had.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± she chuckled once. ¡°I got so much weird shit on my mind that I would like to try.¡±


    ¡°Like?¡± She hummed for a thought with a smile on her face. ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± she mumbled.


    ¡°Is it sex related?¡± I said to target the most controversial topic we would talk about as a couple.


    ¡°What?! Uh... n... no!¡±


    ¡°Was that too early?¡±


    ¡°Not at all! I mean...¡± She pointed to her bedside drawer with the one that had a dildo inside and spoke without taking a reasonable pause. ¡°I got boxes of condoms. Do you want to try? You¡¯re an extra large fit, right?¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡± She stuttered severely for three seconds before taking a deep breath. ¡°Slow down. What do you mean by that?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re size,¡± she said with her finger pointing at my crotch. ¡°If you don¡¯t mind me knowing.¡± Oddly, I didn¡¯t find her wanting to know strange. I was eager, but I didn¡¯t know what I was. It never crossed my mind that I should check.


    ¡°Um,¡± I said after trying to visualize the biggest I¡¯ve seen it. ¡°Pretty big, I guess.¡±


    ¡°Right...¡± Her face began to turn pink the more she kept pausing in her sentence. ¡°I¡¯ve seen it. I should already know this.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve... never shown you it.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s right,¡± she giggled for a short moment. ¡°You had your underwear on.¡±


    The reminder made me blush because of what I accidentally did. I crumpled the blanket to hide my erection from showing through. She glanced at my crotch and adverted her eyes for a second before they looked back at me.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± she said, bowing her head. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to look.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± I said after deciding to not hide it anymore. ¡°I can¡¯t control it all the time.¡± She found that remark funny. Her chuckle sounded like she was afraid or nervous to let it all out. And, she hid half of her face with her hands when it happened. ¡°How often does that happen to you?¡±


    ¡°You got a good look at it... yeah?¡±


    ¡°Everything was... small.¡±


    ¡°It... doesn¡¯t...¡± Her index and thumb opened out from each other to represent growth. ¡°Remember when I said it doesn¡¯t work? I... I have that with... this...¡±


    ¡°So,¡± I said as I tried to remember what she specifically said about a strange condition she had. ¡°What was that weird word you have?¡±


    ¡°Azoospermia.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± I said before after snapping my fingers. ¡°Jeez, Yosefin. What the hell happened to you?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t fucking know!¡± She said and let out a short laugh. ¡°I¡¯m weird!¡±


    ¡°So the condoms are for...¡±


    ¡°Others,¡± she said and looked off to her left for a long time. ¡°Other... guys.¡± Something about her responses gave me red flags.


    ¡°How old is that box?¡±


    ¡°A few months old,¡± she said, looking at her fingers. I bit the corner of my lip to force myself not to smile. There were no others. She admitted that I was the only one she sought for.


    ¡°Why are you lying?¡± I said, letting my smile break through. ¡°It couldn¡¯t have been for James. You didn¡¯t want to be with him.¡± Her cheeks turned red the longer she stayed quiet. After six seconds went by she broke her silence and decided to look at me.


    ¡°I need to know your stance on this... situation.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡±


    ¡°I know you prefer women.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s correct.¡±


    ¡°You made an exception for me.¡±


    ¡°I did,¡± I said slowly, giving her a side-eye glance. ¡°Where is this going?¡±


    ¡°If,¡± she said then paused to rest her hand on the back of my hand. ¡°If you were into me like that and... you wanna go for it, I believe in a conservative role.¡±


    ¡°Conservative role?¡± I said in my head. Even though she was vague on what she meant, I somewhat had an idea of what she tried to water down. I knew she wasn¡¯t religious so the marriage thing wasn¡¯t it. There were things I felt she knew I wouldn¡¯t dare try if I had a gun to my head.


    ¡°Okay,¡± I said with a little chuckle behind it. ¡°No sex before marriage. Got it.¡± I gave her two thumbs up to see how she would react.


    ¡°No!¡± She blushed more. She curled my thumbs down in my palms. ¡°That¡¯s not what I meant.¡±


    ¡°Conservative role,¡± I said air quoting it. ¡°Sounds stupid. Just say what you would or wouldn¡¯t do.¡± She squinted and shifted her lips to the left corner of her face to create the biggest pouty face she could muster.


    ¡°Listen here, dude,¡± she said with her finger lightly pressing my chest. She pressed her lips against her teeth and said nothing.


    ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡±


    ¡°I just wanna make you feel comfortable if you are up for that.¡±


    ¡°If I weren¡¯t, you wouldn¡¯t be my girlfriend.¡± Her annoyed look turned into something more joyful. ¡°I knew what I signed up for when I asked you out.¡±


    ¡°Yeah right,¡± she scoffed. ¡°You know, certain types of couples avoid sex to way later.¡±


    ¡°Well, I think that¡¯s stupid.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad we¡¯re on the same page.¡± Her face was blushed red at that point. I could tell she wanted me to make a move. Her legs were crossed over her lap and the direction of her body never faced away from me through the entire conversation. ¡°I know it¡¯s only been two days, but do you want to try tonight and see if you¡¯re okay doing it with me?¡± My heart momentarily stopped but I kept myself calm to make it seem I wasn¡¯t having a minor panic attack. Bubbles began to form inside my stomach. I suddenly felt sick, but the butterflies almost negated the sensation.


    ¡°See if I¡¯m into it?¡± A gas bubble floated into the divot in my neck. I burped, leaned away, and let out the air through my nose away from her. The butterflies took over, soothing and calming me down.


    ¡°Mhmm.¡± I couldn¡¯t comprehend why she was willing to try it out that early in our relationship. We hadn¡¯t had time to test the waters to see if we were compatible in the long run and we were about to have sex to see if I would enjoy doing it with her.


    ¡°Are you horny or something?¡±


    ¡°No,¡± she said, shaking her head. ¡°Well, not at the moment.¡± Her voice was calm. ¡°That¡¯ll depend on your answer.¡±


    ¡°Why do you want me to see if I¡¯m into it?¡±


    ¡°Josh...¡± She laughed in a way that didn¡¯t feel like it was real. It was short, and when it stopped, she wasn¡¯t smiling. ¡°There¡¯s going to be a lot of testing in this relationship, I¡¯m afraid. This is new for the both of us.¡± She kept perfect eye contact with me the entire time she spoke. ¡°Things will get extra weird. But, mostly on your part because of what I am.¡±


    ¡°Probably,¡± I said, failing to keep direct eye contact.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay if you don¡¯t want to. It won¡¯t change how much I adore you.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t deserve you,¡± I said in my head. ¡°Let¡¯s do it,¡± I said out loud.


    ¡°Are you sure you want to try?¡± Her voice rose with excitement as a smile began to creep through. ¡°You know I got two places you can try and not three.¡± The lovely butterflies scattered.


    ¡°Jesus Christ,¡± I said, rolling my eyes. ¡°No shit. I¡¯m aware of that.¡± I tried to keep my anxiety in check. I didn¡¯t want to chicken out and regret not trying. For the sake of love and being more willing to explore new avenues, I mentally doubled down to make it happen. ¡°I¡¯m not blind,¡± I said with a bit of cockiness. ¡°Or in denial.¡±


    ¡°Sorry! I¡¯m so nervous for you! This is so far leftfield for you. I don¡¯t want you to freak out when I¡¯m riding the wave.¡± The image created gave me a pleasant scare. My heart let out a single pump that warmed my entire body like a heat wave.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± I said and kissed her lips. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    ¡°If you¡¯re not...¡± I kissed her again to let her know nothing bad would happen. ¡°Okay... I believe you. She kissed my cheek and gave me a tight, warm hug afterward. ¡°I¡¯m glad we had this conversation this early.¡±


    ¡°Were you dreading it?¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°You know why,¡± she whined with laughter, snuggling her head between the bed and my bed.


    ¡°Okay, okay,¡± I said, pulling her into my lap to hug her. ¡°Let¡¯s get our day started. I¡¯m starving.¡±


    Before we began another new day as a couple, Yosefin and I had a short discussion of what she would make for breakfast. We decided on having french toast but she was unsure if she had the proper ingredients. I decided to take a shower while she looked to see if she had everything she needed. After wetting my body and drenching my hair with water, I heard the hooks on the shower curtains squeak as they slid across the hanging frame. I forced my eyes open to see what was going on despite the burning sensation from the water. It was her. I didn¡¯t ask why or what she was doing naked with me. All I saw was my girlfriend coming in to join me.


    We showered together without saying a single word. We took turns playfully cleaning each other within the limited space. It was an enjoyable, romantic experience to be at the level of comfort within two days of being together. The most we did sexually at first was make out and get touchy after we washed off all the soap from our bodies. Then for the first time in my life, I got a handjob. It was strange at first to have someone stroke me down there other than my hand. At first, it tickled since her hand was small and soft compared to my own. She lathered her hands with soap to make them slippery the more she tugged and stroked it. Eventually, it led to me snuggling her from behind while playing with her tits and kissing different parts of her neck for a few minutes. She didn¡¯t get a chance to finish what she started.


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    Once I began to calm down, my mind started to clear. Questions formed, seeking out to know what made her do something out of the blue. It was extremely left-field for her. A part of me believed she came into the shower with me to get me used to being intimate with her in the future. Another part felt like she did it to prepare me for sex tonight. Either way, I ended up never asking why she did what she did.


    Our amazing time ended when I mentioned my stomach growling. She stepped away from my grasp and lightly pushed me away from her.


    ¡°Time to get you fed,¡± she said, walking me out of the tub by holding my hand. My mind was on autopilot mode. I didn¡¯t realize where I was until she placed a plate of French toast in front of me. The sound of the glass plate hitting the granite island countertop made me jump. ¡°You okay? Did I scare you?¡±


    ¡°My mind is still in the bathroom.¡±


    ¡°I completely understand that phenomenon,¡± she said, stuffing her mouth. ¡°It happens all the time when I think about things we do. I¡¯m trying not to think about what I did.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I said, stuffing my mouth.


    ¡°Because I want to do it again!¡± She said softly and shook her fist like she was trying to nerf her excitement. ¡°But, I want to do normal stuff for a while.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m down with whatever you want to do.¡±


    ¡°First, let¡¯s enjoy this.¡±


    The French toast was sickeningly the best version I had. The homemade eggnog tasted better than our local grocery¡¯s version. We cuddled on the couch afterward, watching whatever piqued our interest on the TV when the power suddenly flickered. Without warning, Yosefin sprung into defensive action like a sudden survival switch ignited. She lit the fireplace and put on the weather forecast. I watched the station while she looked through the pantry for snacks to last us through the storm.


    ¡°We¡¯re good on everything!¡± She yelled from the kitchen. ¡°And we got plenty of water and soda!¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s perfect!¡±


    My sister called me a few minutes later to check up on me when she overheard my mother asking my dad if I would be all right. I told her Yosefin was in high survival mode and that I was in good hands. She checked the entire house and made sure we had everything we needed.


    ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll let you go. Tell Yosefin I said hi,¡± Vanessa said.


    ¡°Vanessa says hi,¡± I said.


    ¡°Hallo!¡± Yosefin said, waving her hand.


    We wished each other a safe time during the blizzard before hanging up. I didn¡¯t pay much attention to the news. All I wanted to do was watch something less informative but enjoyable. Yosefin had the remote, plus she was watching the TV while talking on the phone. She sat next to me speaking her German. I listened to every word even though I couldn¡¯t understand it. Only two words stood out from the hundreds of words that she spoke.


    ¡°Ja, Papa. Josh und mir geht es gut. Ich habe ihn gerade gef¨¹ttert.¡± (Yes, dad. Josh and I are okay. I just fed him.) When I heard my name, she wouldn¡¯t stop massaging my right knee. I had them criss crossed while I was listening. ¡°Der Kamin ist angez¨¹ndet.¡± (The fireplace is lit.)


    ¡°What is he saying?¡± I whispered.


    ¡°Passt auf euch auf. Wir sehen uns bald wieder.¡± (Stay safe. I¡¯ll see you soon.) She said with a grin and her finger over her mouth. She hung up the phone and asked what I wanted to do now. I told her the same thing about doing what she wanted. ¡°I can¡¯t be the only one thinking of what to do.¡±


    ¡°Fine fine.¡± I looked around the house to find inspiration for what we could do. There was nothing in the house that popped out. But the piled snow on the window gave me a crazy idea. ¡°Have you ever been in a snow fight?¡± Her eyes shot open. She straightened her back and looked at the windows at the front of the house.


    ¡°No,¡± she said like she was excited. ¡°I¡¯ve never even formed a snowball.¡±


    ¡°Go get dressed.¡±


    ¡°Okay!¡± The excitement within her exploded like a dog on the zoomies. She jumped off the couch from the armrest side to run to her room. I took my sweet ass time to her room so I could let the excitement continue to build. By the time I got there, she had on a thick jacket with fur trim around the hood. She had on thick socks and black leggings with a baggy pair of cargo pants behind her on the bed.


    ¡°Come on,¡± she said out of breath as she giggled. ¡°Get dressed, dude!¡± I watched her fantastically put on everything she needed to keep herself warm. When she finished, she stood in my face, breathing slightly hard out her nose. ¡°You¡¯re enjoying this, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°Enjoying? No. I¡¯m happy to see you so excited.¡± I got myself clothed while she waited in the doorway. ¡°Ready?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve been ready for like five minutes! Let¡¯s go!¡±


    The front door had too much snow behind it. Some of it came inside when I cracked it open. We had to exit through the garage door but that wasn¡¯t without a challenge. I had to shovel out a pathway to the front yard. Yosefin wasn¡¯t much of a help due to her poor technique for shoveling. I could tell who wasn¡¯t the primary yard worker within the family.


    ¡°Okay!¡± She said, squatting over the snow to collect the snow into her hands. ¡°What the fuck am I doing?¡± Her snowball looked like someone balled up toilet paper. When she threw it near me, it disintegrated in mid-air. ¡°Uh... I need some help, Joshy.¡± I formed a snowball the best I could under the chilling weather. It wasn¡¯t my best but it was a ball. I handed it to her and she threw it into my chest.


    ¡°I can¡¯t believe you betrayed me like that.¡± She ran away screaming and laughing like a happy child while I was making another one. I chased her through several neighbor¡¯s yards. The moment she slipped on ice within the grass, her fate was sealed.


    ¡°No,¡± she begged. Her arms crossed over her face. I tossed the snow lightly down on her stomach. Half of it flattened and sprawled into the grass. She giggled nonstop as she tried to form another snowball to hit me with. It turned out like the one before, but it seemed to not matter. I took my time forming snowballs. She kept shotgunning me with a fist full of snow. ¡°You¡¯re losing terribly.¡±


    ¡°I know. But at least I¡¯m going down swinging.¡±


    We goofed around for nearly an hour snowball fighting, making snow angels in people¡¯s yards, and attempting to make a snowman at her house. The cold began to take its toll on my fingers from the melted snow soaking through my gloves. Yosefin couldn¡¯t stand the cold, so we rushed back into the warm house. She sat between my legs in front of the fireplace to get warm quickly. We were sniffing and cuddling for minutes.


    ¡°Josh,¡± she said after blowing all the mucus into a roll of toilet paper.


    ¡°Yeah?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re awesome.¡± I was surprised at how random the compliment was. ¡°I¡¯m having so much fun. And, look!¡± She pointed at the window to our left with her palm open. ¡°It¡¯s still daylight. If only we could go out and do other fun things.¡±


    ¡°Stupid storm,¡± I said, smoothing the back of her neck close to her nave.


    ¡°Stupid storm,¡± she said and moved her neck to the side to expose more of it. ¡°Hey, Josh.¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡±


    ¡°Do you wanna do it now?¡± Her question was straightforward. There were no stutters or tone pitching. It was a simple question that needed a simple answer in the same tone.


    ¡°Yes.¡± She stood up and stuck her hand out for me to grab. She led me to her room. The second she walked in, she went straight for the drawer with the condom. I locked the door purely out of it being a habit. There was a moment when I thought about unlocking it since her parents weren¡¯t able to come. What was the point if no one would walk in on us? She didn¡¯t seem to care or didn¡¯t react to the click of the knob when it locked.


    ¡°Y¡¯know... This isn¡¯t necessary.¡±


    ¡°What isn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°This,¡± she said, holding up a violet-colored condom. ¡°You don¡¯t have to use it on me.¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it for... being safe, right?¡±


    ¡°It is,¡± she blushed, smiling for a short second. ¡°From diseases and whatnot. But... I¡¯m healthy. I promise.¡±


    ¡°Okay?¡± I said, taking the condom. ¡°What will happen to me if I don¡¯t use this?¡±


    ¡°Absolutely nothing,¡± she said, emphasizing her words by swinging her arms out from a cross position. ¡°If fact, it¡¯ll feel better for you!¡±


    ¡°How do you know this?¡±


    ¡°Are you really going to make me explain?¡± The lack of understanding on my part was embarrassing.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Do you mind telling?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± she said then tenderly punched my chest. ¡°Imagine playing on your game controller with gloves on. It doesn¡¯t feel right because you don¡¯t feel the texture.¡± The explanation went over my head like a complex math example being explained. ¡°Imagine stroking with gardening gloves,¡± she said bluntly. She awed in agreeance with me the moment I understood what she meant.


    ¡°Gross,¡± I said and tossed the condom on her desk. ¡°I don¡¯t want to feel that.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± She asked, creeping closer to me with her hands clinging to the lower parts of my shirt. ¡°You know where it¡¯s going, right?¡± I nodded my head. ¡°And you¡¯re fine with being... there?¡±


    ¡°I think I¡¯ll be fine.¡±


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said after exhaling a lot of air out. ¡°Here we go.¡±


    She was the first to get naked. She wanted to use the anticipation and parts of her body that were familiar to me to rile me up before I saw the rest of her body. I got naked and sat on the bed with her. We stared at what interested us the most before letting our hands touch satisfaction. Her beauty overwhelmed me to the point my crotch acted like a second heart, pulsating every time my heart pumped. Never in my life had I felt that intense arousal to be with someone like her. Kat wasn¡¯t close to how I felt with Yosefin yet I loved how sexy Kat was. Big and fat was my niche back then. Naomi took it over afterward for few a months, but I kept drawing back to Yosefin like a month to a lightbulb. If a person like Yosefin commonly existed through the circumstances of a strange mutation like hers, I would never look at them the way I did with the other women. Yosefin was special. She never asserted to be something she wasn¡¯t. She remained true to her creation and honest about her mindset even when I wanted to see it differently. I fell in love with her mind and the fa?ade I put upon her before adoring the truth as a whole.


    Once we had our fill of foreplay, she laid on her stomach in the middle of the bed and pointed her thumb toward her ass. My heart rate went through the roof when I had her between my legs. I was inches from touching her ass. She was still, unlike me. I couldn¡¯t stop my arms from shaking.


    ¡°Are you going to do it?¡± She said seconds later.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± I said. ¡°Give me a minute.¡±


    ¡°We don¡¯t have to do this,¡± she said after she rolled on her side. ¡°I¡¯m fine with what we normally do.¡±


    ¡°Where did my confidence go?¡± I said, laughing at myself. ¡°I want to do this. Just, give me a minute.¡± I couldn¡¯t commit. My arms kept shaking. I wanted to approach but I stayed put like a deer in headlights. She sat up and rolled me back to make me sit on my legs. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said softly. ¡°Fuck!¡±


    ¡°Hey, it¡¯s all right,¡± she said gently then gave me a reassuring smile. ¡°There are some things we can¡¯t do together.¡± I put my head down in shame. I felt like I failed the one thing I should be responsible for giving. ¡°Don¡¯t do that.¡± She crawled up to me and snuggled against the right side of my body. ¡°Remember what I told you? I don¡¯t need this to be in love with you.¡±


    ¡°But, I feel like it¡¯s necessary.¡±


    ¡°Not in this relationship,¡± she said and let out a soft chuckle. ¡°I will love you no matter what things we don¡¯t do.¡±


    ¡°Will you?¡±


    ¡°Of course, I will,¡± she said before making out with me. ¡°Plus,¡± she said briefly moving her lips away. ¡°There are other things we could try I think we¡¯ll enjoy.¡±


    ¡°Like?¡± She tapped the center part of her lips and nudged my crotch without looking. ¡°Have you done that before?¡± Her smile dropped instantly. She dropped her head slightly and stared at me with half of her brows covering her eyes. The realization of why she gave me that sinister look didn¡¯t hit me until a second later after I repeated what I said in my head. ¡°Oh,¡± I said.


    ¡°Of course I haven¡¯t!¡± She snapped yet laughed immediately afterward. ¡°Have you?¡±


    ¡°Hell, no!¡± I said, laughing.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she said several times to calm us down. Each word was quick but got softer the more it was repeated. ¡°What do you say? Would you like me to try?¡± I didn¡¯t say if she could with words but I opened my legs so she would have room. ¡°Don¡¯t let me continue if you don¡¯t won¡¯t it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll let you know.¡±


    Luckily, I didn¡¯t have a single moment where I wanted her away. I wanted her to stay longer after she finished. She admitted between moments when she had to move away to a break that she had no clue about the proper methods of performing. I couldn¡¯t give her any ideas so we had to source from various porn videos, including the ones that were high in educational value. The ones that weren¡¯t straight-up porn gave her the best advice. She tried her best to apply all she learned. I did see some drastic changes and some not-so-comfortable issues return. But the experience was worth it in the end. She was intoxicated with joy for providing something that could work for us. I was relieved everything worked out well and I didn¡¯t chicken out.


    ¡°That was awesome,¡± I said. ¡°Did you have fun?¡±


    ¡°I did,¡± she said, wiping the saliva off her mouth with the back of her hand. ¡°Hey, I got to know where your mind is right now.¡± She tucked herself under my left armpit and put her arm around my lower back. I held her up so she wouldn¡¯t have to hold herself. ¡°Are there any regrets or any repulsive lingering thoughts for letting me do that?¡±


    ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Nothing like, oh my god! Why did I do that? There¡¯s no way I¡¯ll recover from this!¡± She said, trying to mimic my voice as if I was panicking. ¡°None of that?¡±


    ¡°None.¡±


    ¡°Are you positive? If it¡¯s small, please let me know.¡±


    ¡°Listen,¡± I said as softly as I could with my lips near hers. I kissed them after I said, ¡°You don¡¯t have to ask me questions like that anymore.¡±


    ¡°I have to. I don¡¯t want to gross you out if we¡¯re going to be intimate. What if I did something shocking?¡± I thought about what she said. There could be another incident where I wouldn¡¯t be comfortable.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be cautious around me. Wouldn¡¯t that hinder our relationship?¡±


    ¡°It could,¡± she said, glancing away for a second. ¡°I¡¯ll try not to,¡± she said and smiled at a slow pace. ¡°I¡¯m your first oddity. I need to know what you don¡¯t like.¡±


    ¡°I won¡¯t let my issues or discomfort divide us.¡± She sighed, shaking her head with a smile. ¡°I¡¯m serious,¡± I said, soothing the space between her boobs with my knuckle. ¡°I don¡¯t want to make you sad again.¡±


    ¡°You can¡¯t prevent that,¡± she said gently holding the fingers of the hand I touched her with. ¡°You¡¯re gonna make me cry. You¡¯re gonna make me scream and be angry. But, you¡¯ll also make me so proud and happy.¡±


    ¡°I want to be the best man you want to have. Flawless. Perfect.¡±


    ¡°The best man I want has issues. It¡¯s what makes him special to me.¡± She kissed my two fingers and pressed them on the side of her face. ¡°Issues with himself and with me. It¡¯s normal.¡±


    ¡°The only issue I have is with myself and what I did to you because of the dating agreement.¡±


    ¡°Oh, Josh.¡± She caressed my right cheek mostly with her thumb. The touch was mesmerizing. I leaned into it like a cat enjoying face scratches. ¡°Not going to lie, you really fucked me up.¡±


    ¡°I know. I¡¯m reminded every day of my mistake.¡± I touched her hair to let her know what I meant since the other physical examples were gone. ¡°This is my fault.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll turn my hair red if you keep thinking that,¡± she said, smirking. ¡°Or cut it all off.¡±


    ¡°Please, don¡¯t do that. That¡¯ll really make me sad.¡±


    ¡°Then stop seeing it as your screw-up.¡± She crawled on top of me and hovered over my face with her hands near my neck. Her ass was planted on my lap. I grabbed her waist to keep her steady. ¡°I forgave you the moment you asked me out,¡± she said then leaned closer to my face. ¡°I forgave you more when you said I shouldn¡¯t call myself a mutant.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a lot of forgiving.¡±


    ¡°Will you please forgive yourself for me?¡±


    ¡°I... forgive myself.¡±


    ¡°Say it again.¡±


    ¡°I forgive myself.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you ever look at me with any more regret,¡± she whispered, touching my lips. ¡°Verstanden?¡± (Understood?)


    ¡°Ja,¡± I said and finalized her command with a kiss. She rolled off me to her side of the bed all while grinning.


    ¡°You¡¯re so adorable, Joshy!¡± She said then yawned. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to see what it¡¯s like being your girlfriend!¡±


    The night came to a close almost in the same fashion our first night together ended. After she changed the sheets and took a shower, we headed to bed. I faced away before going to sleep. She wasn¡¯t ready for the night to end, even though she was tired. Her playful touches kept me from sleeping.


    ¡°Yosefin,¡± I said, elongating her name. ¡°Stop.¡±


    ¡°Sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to bother you,¡± she said gently.


    The bed shook then she went silent. I slowly rolled over without making a sound to see what happened. Her back was facing me. I thought about getting back to the position I was in, but the image of us facing away after the amazing night we had didn¡¯t sit well with me. I cuddled her from behind and put my arm around her stomach to pull her closer to me. She remained silent but let out the finest exhale through her nose after she rested her hand over mine.


    ¡°Did I sound like I was mad?¡± I said, keeping my voice soft.


    ¡°Yes,¡± she said at the same volume I spoke. ¡°But, I see you weren¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°If I¡¯m mad,¡± I said then paused to kiss the base of her neck and the back of her shoulder. ¡°I will tell you. The last thing I want is to give you mixed signals.¡±


    ¡°Right,¡± she snickered. ¡°Goodnight, Joshy.¡±


    ¡°Goodnight, Yosefin.¡±