《Feast of Ages: A Cooking LitRPG》


 Chapter 1

    Why is it that the last 32 minutes of every workday feel like they stretch on forever? Time seems to slow down, whether it''s during classes, family gatherings, or any other mind-numbing activity life throws at us. And to add insult to injury, clocks are everywhere, constantly reminding us of how slowly the minutes tick by. I glanced at the clock in the corner of my blank spreadsheet, 5:28 PM. It had been stuck there for what felt like an eternity, mocking my struggle to stay awake amidst the boredom.


    There¡¯s a cough behind me. My heavy eyelids are barely open before another cough. I blink my eyes a few times to shake out the cobwebs before looking at my spreadsheet clock again, 5:39 PM. I shook my head before remembering the cough and sat up in my seat before looking over to the owner of those coughs. My cubicle mate, Michael, sat there with an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed watching me. His two beefy forearms flex as he doesn¡¯t say a word just staring over at me. Before he can piece together whatever snide comment he was loading up, I turn fully to face him.


    ¡°Hey, Mike. I¡¯ve been thinking about getting my own potted cactus,¡± I said pointing over at Michael¡¯s plant. ¡°Like the one you have.¡± Michael squints at me while turning his head to the plant with his arms still crossed like an angry hall monitor. Before he lets his inner Karen out, I continue, ¡°There¡¯s this bodega slash garden store on my way home that I¡¯m positive will have a great plant to choose from.¡±


    I immediately regret saying that as Michael¡¯s eyes are quickly drawn back to me with his arms uncrossed and his hand begins waving enthusiastically as he speaks. ¡°First, Senior Punto is far too guapo to be lumped into any raggedy succulent you¡¯d find on some dollar store shelf.¡± I knew my eye-resting episode was already forgotten as Michael got up and walked over to his bulbous yellow-hued spikey plant.


    He continues, ¡°Second, do you like this hat I got him? He¡¯s so precioso, ay dios.¡± a tiny green hat was somehow in Michael¡¯s hand and being gingerly placed on one of the smaller offshoots of the main cactus body or whatever it''s called. ¡°Ay, my little bey-bey es mi vida!¡± Michael¡¯s Spanglish only seemed to get thicker as he fawned over his desert-loving friend. Living in New York definitely teaches you a choice few Spanish words but not how to translate the multilingual shower of compliments Michael was watering his plant with. ¡°I really think this pulls his whole ensemble together, right?¡±


    ¡°Yea it, I mean he looks great, maybe get him some guns and boots,¡± I said and immediately regretted it as Michael looked over with a pout that I have learned only came out when Michael was about to tell me off for something.


    ¡°What? He¡¯s no cowboy! He¡¯s true mariachi, para amor not a fighter¡± Michael pointed over at the cactus before pulling it back and sucking at his fingertip. ¡°Don¡¯t be pointy with me mi corazon.¡±


    ¡°Hey, Mike I was only trying to complete his costume. You know I dig that little guy¡± I tried to quickly get him back on my side.


    Michael crosses his beefy arms and gives a big sigh before finally saying, ¡°Yes you right, I will admit that the boots might not be a bad idea.¡± The smile that crossed Michael¡¯s lips was almost creepy as he turned from me to his overly-accessorized friend, ¡°Also, don¡¯t call me Mike. You know that¡¯s my government name. Say it right please.¡±


    Michael was in his 40s with a thick frame that was barely contained by his salmon-colored turtleneck. As Michael put his hands on his amble hips the pineapple printed vest he was wearing spread wide as his belly was pushed out in an impressive stance that was only heightened by the tight forest green pants gripping onto Michael¡¯s legs for all their life.


    I should know better than to call him Mike, why¡¯d I effin¡¯ do it.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Michel, I get tongue-tied sometimes. You know how it is.¡± I hope the laugh and grin I give him is enough.


    ¡°Ay Devvey, it¡¯s ok mijo. I know it can be hard when faced with a name and person as fabulous as me.¡± Michael gives me a smile before sitting back onto the chair over on his side of the cubicle. ¡°But don¡¯t forget, I¡¯m married so don¡¯t be getting fresh!¡± Michael points at the ornate wedding ring on his finger before shaking the same finger at me.


    I look over at the several 8x10 framed pictures of Michael and his husband Teddy before looking up at Michael, ¡°What, no. I wasn¡¯t. See, I¡¯m going to get back to work. I was just trying to be friendly.¡±


    ¡°Ay, you¡¯re such a party pooper. I was just messing with you. Besides what work are you doing? Pretty sure those same blank columns have been on your screen for a half hour.¡± Michael gestures at my screen with an almost dismissive motion before rolling his eyes and sitting back down at his desk.


    ¡°What? I was planning a meeting with Emma next week.¡± I tried to protest.


    ¡°Sure you were papi. I will leave you to finish your ¡®work¡¯, sorry to have disturbed you while you were so busy.¡± I could just feel the implied quotations around work and let loose a low growl to myself.


    ¡°Says the dude giving a cactus fashion show on company time.¡± I shot back, getting defensive about the well-drafted email that was forming in my head.


    Michael stood straight, a smile breaking his face. ¡°First off, this was not on company time, for me at least. I more than makeup for any quality time I spend with my baby.¡± He gestures over to Senor Punto before lowering his voice conspiratorially, ¡°I¡¯m glad you like it though. I was thinking of getting him a guitar too. I was hoping if a flower grew on one of his limbs, I could make Punto a little more pretty with a sun dress maybe. I have so many ideas.¡±


    Accidentally finding a way to pass the last few minutes of the day without working, I let Michael¡¯s contemplations of fun photoshoots with his flaccid prickle take my full attention. ¡°Do you think red would go with it?¡±


    ¡°Please don¡¯t call him an ¡®it¡¯ but yes red would look great with his complexion,¡±


    Somehow Michael¡¯s thick Latin accent and general demeanor made complexion sound like it had 4 more syllables than it should. ¡°I¡¯m sure he could pull off anything he put his little succulent mind to,¡± I said trying not to pour it on too thick.


    ¡°Ay, I can just see how fancy the ensemble will be. I have this bit of sheer red fabric I can make into a scarf.¡± Michael turned to grab a pad by his keyboard, starting to doodle his ideas while continuing to talk out loud. ¡°Last week I tried to pierce him but I don¡¯t know if my fingers can handle another session of that craziness.¡±


    Michael turned to me and I had no idea what to answer and I said the only thing that came to mind, ¡°What exactly did you pierce on that poor cactus? Actually, I don¡¯t want to know.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s good because I wasn¡¯t going to tell you anyway. Anyways, what exciting activities do you have in mind for tonight anyway?¡± He asks, gently adjusting the cactus¡¯ random clothing.


    ¡°Same ole, same ole, make dinner and a few hours of Doctor Who episodes or maybe a couple of the Harry Potter movies.¡± I silently thank the small talk gods for him giving me a couple more minutes of dead air. Sure, I hated the inane conversations that came up, but if it whittled away against the pool of leftover minutes in my work day I was not going to complain.


    ¡°Aye dios mio, be still my heart. The excitement is palatable!¡± Michael said with a mock shock and a hand held to his chest.


    ¡°First off, it¡¯s palpable and I¡¯m a simple man with simple needs. I might even make a sandwich I¡¯ve been craving.¡± I look off daydreaming about the creamy goodness that I may be fitting my luscious lips around in a couple of hours.


    ¡°I will leave you with your cold cut shenanigans. Me, I will be going to that new Salsa bar on the upper east side. La Casita has the best music and margaritas to die for.¡± He claps his hands together for emphasis.


    My phone begins to vibrate as my alarm goes off finally announcing the time hitting 5pm. ¡°Awe, it was so great catching up with you Michael but I have to take this call!¡± I quickly grab my bag and put my phone to my ear as I begin to walk out the door. ¡°Good night to you, love birds, have a great weekend.¡±


    I give a smirk as Michael reflexively looks over to Senor Punto and almost blushes. I try not to let that image burn into my head as I quickly force my too-fat water jug into my backpack¡¯s side pocket. In a smooth motion, I have it on my back and move out of the cubicle in a long quick stride. I barely hear Michael¡¯s reply, ¡°You too Devvie.¡± I also definitely don¡¯t hear his follow-up, ¡°Aye, Punto, is it love we have?¡± that is whispered in an almost Latin novella accent.


    Ok, maybe my days weren¡¯t all terrible. As long as I made my own entertainment and didn¡¯t let the random meetings, emails, and ¡°new initiatives¡± weigh me down, it was fantastic. There was a specific kind of satisfaction that could be had when updating a spreadsheet¡¯s name from last month¡¯s to this one that was truly sublime.


    Oh hot damn, who was I kidding?


    I know fully well these walls were eating at my soul. I think part of me yearned to like the work I was doing rather than just being paid to do it. I feel that tightness only true anxiety can bring as I stare out at the sea of cubicles just like my own. It almost looked like a vast room full of individual chicken cages filled with dozens of accountants and administrators clucking away at their work. With that wonderful thought in my head, I make my way down the center of the throng, trying not to let the depressing thoughts color my walk too much. I urgently begin to press the button down for the elevator as I reach the end of the walk.


    While my prayers were answered regarding any joiners from my own floor I unfortunately didn¡¯t wish for an empty elevator within my muttered mantras. With a fake smile I inch myself onto the elevator buttside first in hopes of not meeting anyone eye to eye as I press my cheeks against their respective bodies and office luggage. I gave defeated looks to the 3 other floors we hit with hopeful office folks quickly giving up any attempt to enter once they saw my belly barely seeming to stay within the elevator¡¯s closing doors. Thankfully we hit the lobby and the leftover debris from the workday poured out of the elevator like a broken dam, filling the first floor with a dozen voices immediately pulling out their phones summoning their rides or ubers.


    Thankfully, that convenience isn¡¯t in store for me. No, I travel by the noble metal serpents of New York City¡¯s subway system. Yes, it is far pissier than a taxi ride, but far kinder to my pockets. I adjusted my heavy bookbag and began to make my way over to the subway station that was a few blocks from my office¡¯s building.


    The absolute stress of even walking down a New York City street cannot be described without sounding like you¡¯re embellishing its effects. Ever see a river full of piranha or a known area full of sharks get some blood or meat tossed in with them? How about a group of teens as their favorite pop singer finally comes out of the hotel? That single-minded throng of bodies and movement is the only way I can explain it. Thousands of people all around you with their own bits of motivation having them swim straight or yell at you for getting in their way of that motivation. While it is just part of being in a big city, I do not love the rat race that I¡¯m forced to endure on a daily basis.


    Deftly dodging random street merchants, street meat vendors, and people asking for change, I finally arrive at the subway. I take a deep breath of the somewhat fresh air before making my way down into the moist, dank nethers of NYC. I brace for a long ride in a very tight subway cart. I have a long ride ahead of me, but at least it¡¯s a straight trip that won''t have me switching to any other subway lines.


    As I make my way into the station I lean against the wall flicking through my personal emails and messages from the day. Seeing an email from my brother Ish, I clicked on it hoping to see a link or attachment of one of the new gaming titles he was working on. Unfortunately, no luck and the message is cryptic at best:


    Hey Dev,


    You¡¯ll be getting a package from me tonight. I need you to read EVERYTHING in the box before doing anything with its contents. I¡¯m going to write that again, READ EVERYTHING, DEV. I need your help with something that just might just put my name on the map.


    Please don¡¯t tell ANYONE about this, seriously.


    Ish


    Why send an email containing absolutely no useful information? I unconsciously rub my head as I make my way onto the Queens-bound train. While there were no seats open, the train car was at least not too packed. I roll my shoulders relishing the much-appreciated space before grabbing my favorite spot located on the opposite side from the doors that open most at each stop. I¡¯m sorry but having that solid back to lean on as the train moves makes the ride all the easier to deal with. You try staying upright as you ride something going highway speed limits with frequent short stops unexpectedly. No, I keep myself out of the center bit of the train as a public service to feet and unbumped commuters alike.


    This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.


    I begin to daydream as the rhythm of the wheels on the track are shut out once my earbuds are put into my ears. My ¡®Groove¡¯ playlist begins to stream from my phone as I let my eyes roam around the cart. Light R&B fills my ears as I see someone either arguing with themselves or possibly some bluetooth headset I didn¡¯t see. I almost feel sorry for the curly-haired college student sitting beside the arguing man.


    Thankfully my pity was unneeded as Miss Curls raised her hand to an inch of his face and seemed to start going off on it. Wishing I had some popcorn I watched as he silently took the berating Curls was giving him. After a few seconds she stopped her yelling and drastically pulled her large headphones on. The eye-roll she gave him was absolutely Olympic level. He sat there for another stop before silently getting up and leaving the train. That was New York though, there was always someone wilder out there. Just had to mess around and find out.


    With a smile, I pulled up my GPS catcher game to steal a few critters as my train moved along its route. This was a great way to cheat the system and catch some of the more out-of-the-way finds around the city. I am not ashamed to say that I¡¯ve used this technique to absolutely cheese some of the more difficult Academies in the game. As I digitally ogle my current lineup before the next Academy battle I begin to wonder about the package that I hopefully had waiting on my apartment''s doorstep. Slow deliveries and porch pirates were the norm in NYC, so I braced myself for a possible package less evening.


    I rushed to finalize my team as the fight for the Academy located at MoMa¡¯s location had seconds before it began. Bracing myself for the train¡¯s braking at this stop I grin at my almost game-breaking teamup of an under-leveled mental type monster with a specifically leveled and armored stone type meant to play clean up after the mental¡¯s semi-bugged ¡°Stun¡±. Thanks to my choice to never level up this little guy, their stun normally would turn into ¡°Paralyze¡± with stun never meant to be used on these more advanced Academy enemies. The timer counts down as I give a sadistic grin.


    Do I feel bad about exploiting such an obvious mistake on the developers'' behalf? Nope. Not one bit. I¡¯m sorry but there are QA testers for a reason and it is not my fault if companies don¡¯t take the time to properly kick the tires on what they decide to release to the world. Hell, with the ability to do regular updates to specific game builds, there¡¯s no excuse for shoddy programming work. Plus, it can be absolutely invigorating to demolish a random uppity AI trying to piss on your gaming parade.


    The battle begins and my small onion-shaped level one Slumbersprout immediately casts its broken move and I grin as MoMa¡¯s Academy head, Sketchwing, fully succumbs to my little shallot buddy. My next move is to switch in Terra Knight and get to stoning Sketch¡¯s postmodern ass. As multiple Crag Stikes begin raining on poor Sketchy¡¯s form, the fight is over before it gets started and I slump back slightly against the door I was leaning on. What a bummer. After seeing the crap loot from the fight I flick the game closed in frustration.


    Looking around the train I try to scope out a seat and don¡¯t see a single one. I grumble to myself and pull back out my phone and wonder how many times I do that throughout my day. As I stare down at my black unlock screen it doesn¡¯t recognize my face and ends up no doubt looking like a weirdo as I go through a few random faces before my home screen finally opens up. As I scroll my socials I see that my brother is online and drop him a message on Messenger. I wait for some bubbles but don¡¯t see anything after a few minutes.


    I give another frustrated swipe to close the App as I wonder what the hell he sent over to me, also why couldn''t he just explain in the first message? Seeing a seat open across the car I nearly trip over my bag trying to make my way over to the seat. Someone coming into the car from this new stop scoots into the seat before me. I barely made eye contact with her or her dumb teacup dog that was sticking out the neck of her hoodie.


    I instead pretend like I meant to move from my comfy door lean and head a little down the cart only to pull up to another door to lean against. I deploy some strategic tunnel vision and pretend that this thread I¡¯m reading is super engrossing right now.


    This is the part of the ride that has me just accepting the lack of comfort and settling in for the long run. I stretch my back with my glutes joining in on the party as I do so. I relish just flexing my glutes a few times before realizing I was clenching like that in the middle of a ton of people. I try not to imagine how many people are exercising their kegels right now and just close my eyes and lean my head back trying to daydream the rest of the trip away.


    A loud buzzer goes off and I open my eyes to see the doors opening to my stop and feel a dry spot on the corner of my lip from the dribble threatening to leave my mouth. I let out a slight sleepy moan as I gathered myself enough to run out the door. I curse myself as I hear people laughing just before the door closes and the train takes off again.


    Dude, my ability to fall asleep is absolutely legendary and has more than once had me waking up at the end of the train¡¯s run or even staying on the train as it continues to circle back the opposite way on the track. I bless my undiagnosed narcolepsy for not making me miss my stop this time.


    The few blocks to the stop before my apartment were quiet for once. Sure there was still plenty of music blasted out of windows, but that¡¯s far better than the random groups of people yelling crap at you. Just another one of those New York things that you are almost forced to get used to if you¡¯re to enjoy the city at all. None of that though this time, just the random sounds of a normal NYC night.


    My stop at Chen¡¯s Bodega goes pretty smoothly as well. I was able to pick up some gorgeous-looking capicola and a mixture of nice stinky cheeses. I grab an energy drink and some chocolate to round things out before heading to my place.


    Stepping into my apartment building I feel myself slightly freak out inside. The younger security gal was working tonight and holy shit did she set off my sweat glands immediately. I don¡¯t mean in a horny creep way either. I just got tongue-tied whenever we spoke.


    I try not to think of the montage of failed conversations over the months or the whole pizza I dropped on her sneakers as I tried to shake her hand for some reason. My legs seem to be stepping through thick stew as time slows down for me with the walk through the large lobby. What should I say? Start a convo? Small talk? I finally came up with, ¡°Sup.¡±


    Rather than wait for a reply I¡¯m walking by her in a smooth motion. Not consciously, no. It¡¯s like the whole slowmo stew thing goes in fast forward and I¡¯m by her before I know it. I sort of hear some sound from behind me as I begin pressing the button for the elevator up.


    I finally realize she¡¯s speaking to me and I turn around ¡°Sorry, didn¡¯t mean to ignore you, were you asking about a package for me?¡±


    ¡°Oh, no, just saying hi back to you. Waiting on anything cool?¡± She smiles over in an almost too-eager way that makes me nervous.


    ¡°I have no idea, please give me a ring if you do see anything. Thanks.¡± I turn before she replies.


    ¡°Oh, I will keep an eye out for sure. It was nice talking to¡­¡± The doors to the elevator are closed before she finishes the sentence.


    I¡¯m not an asshole. I swear.


    It¡¯s easier to just avoid than engage. It¡¯s like I have a mouth full of marbles at one moment or my mind goes completely blank the next. I¡¯d rather skip my embarrassment and her forced sympathy. I hold my finger on the button to my floor as if that will speed up the ride.


    It doesn¡¯t, in fact there were two separate groups of people that had to get in and back out of his elevator before it finally hit the 11th floor and my exit. The long cement gray walls of my narrow hallway left barely enough space for me to walk without turning slightly sideways to compensate for the narrowness. God forbid someone was coming the opposite way, it was like a reverse game of chicken where we tried to get to our destinations with the least interference to our neighbor¡¯s path. It was even worse when I was carrying a week¡¯s worth of groceries in my arms. Thankfully my plastic bodega bags tonight weren¡¯t too much of a struggle to get through.


    Finally getting to my door, I smiled up at it and was thankful for my geeky sanctuary. At the doorway stood a lovingly replicated version of the Doctor Who phone booth design. It was touches like that made me getting home all the sweeter. I only wish that this door would lead to something that was larger on the inside to match the Tardis.


    If you¡¯ve never been in a New York studio apartment, let me paint the glorious picture of my humble abode. Start with picturing walking into a small living room with walls covered in a mixture of gaming and comic posters, now halve the space you were picturing and you¡¯ve got my full place. I still think there¡¯s far too many that would picture some livable space. No, I''m talking about a hamster cage for a human width. I can almost touch both of my walls if I stretch.


    To make this space my own I was forced to absolutely maximize it to the best of my current pay grade. This meant a lot of multifunctional furniture, including my bed that doubled as my sofa, office chair and rarely served the purpose it was made for, sleep. My gaming setup was right next to the bed with blackout shades on the window to avoid the glare on my screen. Even now when things were just starting to get dark outside, I could see the blaring neon lights of random signs near my apartment mirrored on the monitor. I flick on my system before shutting the heavy dark curtains that hung on the window behind my bed.


    Getting into my house shorts and t-shirt, I make my way to the two feet of counter space I called my kitchen. I pull out my hotplate and place my heavy small skillet onto its service to warm up. I pulled out a 6-inch cutting board from one of the 3 cabinets around my kitchen and set about cutting a garlic white cheddar and my favorite sharp cheddar into thin slices using my paring knife. Making an almost checked pattern out of the slices I built a square roughly the size of the thick multigrain bread I was planning to use. I place a couple of slices of my spicy capicola on top of the square before setting to create a second checkered square of cheese on top of the sliced meat.


    I place my hand over the pan checking the heat and quickly grab the butter and slather each slice of the bread on one side. It¡¯s hard not to daydream of the gooey goodness about to hit my tongue as I hear the sizzle of one of the bread slices hitting the pan. I quickly grab a spatula and scoop the cheese and meat pile onto the bread that is grilling. Fixing a few of the cheese slices that got out of place I put the second slice of bread down.


    Now this is the hard part of cooking a good grilled cheese. I wait. I¡¯m sorry but pulling that trigger too early just leaves you with some soggy toast. No, giving it that extra time to carmelize, now that¡¯s the secret to getting a crispy and effin¡¯ delicious grilled cheese. I resist the urges just a few seconds more before I slowly lift the bread to peak. Absolutely perfectly golden brown crust. I flip the sandwich with glee as the sizzle once again fills the air.


    Letting it do its thing, I pull out my phone hoping to see a reply from Ish. My wishes are granted as I see his name highlighted with a glowing new message indicator beside it. I tap only to see a short message from him, ¡°It¡¯s in your apartment, check where you keep the manga at. Also, clean your damn place.¡±


    I look around my apartment before giving an audible, ¡°Hrmf, asshole.¡± I head over to the small cabinet by my bed and grab the black box from within. Feeling the heft, it was definitely a couple of pounds. Must be something good. I begin to open the lid.


    Now, many people forget the second hardest part of making grilled cheese. That¡¯s remembering to not forget about it when something catches your eye. The smell is what has me tossing the box onto my bed and brings me back to the pan. I give a few curses under my breath as I look down at the charred mess I had made. After a few seconds of mourning, I do the scrape of shame and try to get some of the rougher bits off of my sad sammy.


    Not going to lie though, I kinda like the bitter taste of the semi-burnt bits. I think that part of it is taste and the other part is the taboo of eating burnt stuff.


    I sit down in my office slash living room and look down at the box next to me and flip the lid back open. My eyes are met with a sleek white halo of plastic that pretty much looked like some kind of headband or maybe a visor. Knowing that Ish was part of Impulse, I was immediately wary of getting my hopes too high up on this. While they were known for solid games that sold decently, they definitely couldn¡¯t pull off something like this.


    Taking another extremely crunchy bite of my sandwich, I lift up the headset to get a better look at the thing. It looks to be a fairly solid piece of tech with a good amount of weight in its body for being so thin. From what I could see, where the normal VR helmet glasses were, there weren''t any screens. Wondering if this was maybe augmented reality tech I shrug it off and take another bite. I smile slightly as I can almost taste the tang of the two cheeses that I had chosen but quickly hit another burnt bit with my tastebuds getting blown out again. With a sigh, put down the plate and instead focus on the helmet and move over to the area of my bed closest to the stack of boxes I used as my desk.


    Looking down at the package, I see a note that¡¯s in my brother¡¯s handwriting that says, ¡°Just a little something I¡¯ve been working on.¡± I lift the message to see an instruction booklet under the headset with ¡°READ ME¡± scrawled across its cover. Almost to appease my brother¡¯s admonishing me from wherever he was, I open the cover and scan the first couple of obvious setup information bits and decide that I have better things to do.


    Like a greedy kid on their birthday, I begin to take off the protective plastic surrounding the headset. I relish the feel of the materials that were used as some parts were textured where others were smooth with no visible seams or screw-type housing. I finally locate a power button and the full halo glows with a few greenish-white pulses before turning blue and dimming until it is barely visible. I marvel at the tech as I turn it in my hands looking at all of its sides.


    A few seconds go by and I hear what I think is an initialization sound and immediately a voice begins to slowly repeat. ¡°Once the manual has been read, place the helmet on your head.¡± I grind with delight and I struggle to keep myself from slapping my hands together gleefully.


    Ish had hooked me up and my body was ready to receive whatever that team cooked up. Sure it might be janky, but it¡¯s free and All Mine! I quickly press the button again to power down.


    I treat this like setting off on a hike and head into my kitchen to look for some supplies. I fill up my arms with a protein drink, energy drink, chips, and the last couple cookies from a package I bought last week. This ain''t my first gaming rodeo and I wasn¡¯t about to cut short my sesh for a resupply. After not really seeing anything else, I grab my Krillin blanket and head back to my bed office. Laying the blanket on my legs to get comfy, yes this is a ritual for me, I take a few big gulps out of my protein drink before grabbing the headset and placing it on my head.


    I press the button again and after the initialization, that same voice comes on. ¡°Hello. Have you read the manual?¡±


    I almost jump back as the voice seems to be almost reverberating from my head. I blink my eyes expecting to see some kind of HUD or UI pop up before me. Was this thing voice activated? ¡°Hello, start the game. Play game. Whatever your startup command is.¡±


    ¡°Yes, we will begin shortly. Please confirm. Have you read the manual?¡± The voice from within me says again.


    I didn¡¯t know Ish was working on voice-activated play like this. How was it replying? I finally just replied to get things going, ¡°Yes, start, proceed. Whatever, let¡¯s get going already.¡±


    ¡°Thank you, as you wish.¡± The voice answered in a way that put my hair on end.


    Before I can answer I feel a sharp pain on the back of my neck. I try to yell but nothing comes out of my mouth. The pain was beyond anything I had ever felt in my life and it seemed to be a searing fire that was somehow also cold simultaneously. The world was color pulsating and flowing to the rhythm set by the pain emanating from my neck. Bright burning asteroids crossed the universe that was my field of vision only to splash into digital explosions of even more colors as they hit the limits of this universe. The whole scene pulsed a few more times to match the throbbing pain jolts.


    Then there was nothing.

 Chapter 2

    There¡¯s a dark that can only be seen while out in the woods away from any kind of lights from a big city or town. It¡¯s the kind of dark that can have you waving a hand in front of your own face without even seeing a bit of it. Being a city boy at heart, I have not experienced that type of dark too often. Even when I did, it was normally accented by the din of woodland wildlife or maybe the crackling of a nearby fire. This was different, I currently stood in a pitch-black space with absolutely no sound reaching my ears. That lack of sound somehow amplified the pitch dark that refused to reveal anything its inky black was hiding.


    Feeling disorientated, I reached to the back of my head for the spot where I felt the pain coming from and was shocked to not feel anything. Not that there wasn¡¯t a bump or anything but almost as if I completely missed my own neck as I felt around not touching anything. I immediately moved my other hand to start searching and realized that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn¡¯t touch my neck or even one hand to another.


    I even gave myself a quick game of head, shoulders, knees, and toes to no avail. Flexing my hands in a way where my fingers should be touching each of my palms I began to walk forward a few steps. It felt as if I should be moving yet nothing was happening. Mentally my body was registering my muscles moving yet there weren¡¯t muscles there to comply. I shake my head then realize that maybe that¡¯s not there either and begin to feel myself freak out.


    I couldn¡¯t take it anymore. ¡°Hello, HELLO! What the hell is going on?¡± Nothing answered, I turned around in place a few times still yelling with that same silence being the only answer. There was a sudden and ear-shattering bell chime that reverberated through me.


    ¡°System integration is now complete. Id manifestation is nominal. Ego creation is imminent. Pulling biometric data,¡± a monotone voice rang out from everywhere at me.


    Futily attempting to cover my eyes I try to call out to the voice. ¡°Hey, uhm voice up there. Can you A. Lower your volume some or at least not sound like you¡¯re coming from inside me. Also, B. Please tell me where I¡¯m at, where¡¯s my body, where¡¯s your body? Probably a crap load of other where¡¯s I¡¯m not thinking of.¡± I reach my hands towards my head trying to grip my hair.


    It¡¯s there, my hands run through my luscious curls savoring the feeling for a second. ¡°Ego established. Initialization complete¡± said the voice with finality.


    I look down at my body and realize I¡¯m wearing what seems like a heavily stained dishrag wrapped like a diaper around my nethers. My hands immediately move to my private dishcloth area clenching at parts of my body I¡¯d rather not mention. Happy with what was still intact try to look around me and am still met with the pitch-black darkness. ¡°What is going on here? Hello?¡±


    ¡°Gaming.¡± A familiar voice called out from behind me and I turned my head to see my brother dressed in a hoodie, black jeans, and a pair of red hightops. His brother¡¯s face split with a wide grin as he walked over to Devin with his arms open wide. ¡°How do you like it?¡± I can¡¯t help but look down at what I¡¯m wearing before giving him the worst stare I could. ¡°What? Oh, that¡¯s just the default before you go down character creation. Please tell me your thoughts on the feel. Is the touch right? Can you see ok?¡±


    ¡°Well sure, all that stuff is just fine,¡± I say hastily rubbing my hands over my forearms. ¡°But a bit freaking disorientating coming in as a floating head, couldn¡¯t you have warned me or something? Also, could you please fix this?¡± I point at my crotch.


    ¡°Sorry, we use accurate scans for input. Can¡¯t help with what genetics gave you.¡± Before I have a chance to yell at him, he smirks before waving his fingers. ¡°Fine, fine. Here are some starter threads. Don¡¯t say I never gave ya nothin¡¯.¡±


    Looking down I see I¡¯m covered in what looked to be a used sheet from some random hotel over my body with a heavily worn belt cinched around my waist barely holding things together. Rather than give him the pleasure of complaining, I move on from the poor excuse for clothes. ¡°I thank you very much. Now please tell me what¡¯s going on with all of this. The package, that voice, that blackness surrounding us?¡±


    ¡°Again with the multipart question. Fine Devin, this is what is going on. That helmet, it¡¯s what we¡¯ve always wanted. It¡¯s what we dreamed about as we played endless hours of RPGs on our PC and game consoles.¡± I try not to look at the endless void currently surrounding us as he tries to talk up whatever this is. ¡°Stats, leveling, adventuring, intrigue, it¡¯s all here and you get to experience it first hand.¡± He stands beaming at me.


    I let the inky black silence stretch between us before I point out the obvious. ¡°Gotcha, I¡¯m guessing the ¡®game¡¯ will somehow be added in post-production?¡± I wave at the darkness surrounding the two of us.


    ¡°Well no, sorry this is the loading area. I can definitely remedy that.¡± A staff taller than either of our heights is pulled out from behind Ish¡¯s back. Its core looked to be made out of a swirling bit of sky with a thick green vine crawling up its length from the base until it hit the tip where the vine gripped a large golden eye that seemed to be looking directly at Devin. With a tap of the staff on the ground a black command window opened up before Ish.


    Devin watched as words began to load up on the screen with new ones somehow being typed without Ish¡¯s hands moving, ¡°Eureka, there is a great spot.¡± I continue to try to soak in the information on the screen. While somewhat more advanced than what I was used to, I could tell the language on screen was the backend for whatever game Ish was working on. Devin¡¯s mind began to swim with the possibilities of what could be tested using a backend like that. Ish, unfortunately, caught me looking over his shoulder and inputting a few more words before closing the command prompt screen with a wave of his arm. ¡°That is NOT for you Devin. Now here, let me.¡± Another bang from the staff and Devin was blinded.


    ¡°Damnit, what the hell. Dude, I was just curious, no reason to blind me¡± I blinked my eyes but my eyes were blurry with tears as if I was losing a staring contest with a couple of headlights. I finally just close them for a few seconds. ¡°Seriously Ish, no reason to act like that man.¡±


    ¡°Act like what Devin? Please open your eyes as I have complied with your request.¡± Ish said stiffly. I blinked my eyes a few times and the world was there. Well, maybe not the world, but the most picturesque forest glade I had ever seen opened up in front of me. Add a couple of talking animals and a bedraggled secret princess and the scene would be pulled straight out of an animated movie. ¡°We do have animals that speak in the world. Would you like to see one of our¡­¡±


    ¡°Wait, did you just answer something I said in my head?¡± I cut him off immediately.


    ¡°Well yes, we monitor all impulses within your nervous system and thoughts are merely one of the myriad of moving parts within the human brain. Would you like to see one of those talking animals I spoke about?¡± Ish waved his arm again and a large flying creature with the mixed features of a human and dark purple and black feathered bird. Where the face resembled that of a tanned-skinned man, his chest and bottom of his torso resembled a human but the rest was going full-on bird thing.


    I eyed the thing slowly up and down as it breathed heavily looking down at me. ¡°What is this, how did you do that?¡±


    ¡°There you go with all those questions. This is our take on Greek wind spirits called Harpies.¡± Ish glides his hands over the dark feathers making me wince slightly. ¡°I have a bit more control in this area than I do in the world instance. While this is an actual area within the woods outside of Esslem, it is an instanced version of it. With me guiding how it is shaped, for now.¡±


    ¡°Thanks for gliding over you reading my mind, but seriously I talk about Disney woodland creatures and you pull out this monstrosity.¡± I point a finger over to the Harpy.


    ¡°Says puny potato sack man. Curse you both.¡± The thing¡¯s very large wings spread out as it crouches and leaps into the air.


    Ish looks up at the departing form before waving his hand and the Harpy pops out of existence showering the two of them with feathers. ¡°Dude, what the hell. Why¡¯d you just take him out like that?¡±


    ¡°I apologize Devin. You merely stated your distaste for it already and I could not have it running around a frozen instance like this. If you excuse me, may we get back to what you will be doing within this world?¡± Ish crossed his arms in front of him holding each of his forearms before him.


    ¡°Sure, please go ahead.¡± I try not to let my unease at Ish¡¯s overall vibe affect me. Maybe it was nervousness over showing this all to me for the first time.


    ¡°Thank you for trying out our game. I know getting a package like this may have been a little out of nowhere, but I assure you that this is something you had to experience for yourself. As it seems you have skipped the manual, I will say that I am fully capable of giving you any help you need throughout the process and during the rest of your session.¡± Ish sat there staring at me with a huge smile.


    ¡°Ish..Ishmael, ok now what is this session, just spit it out already or I¡¯m going to have to take things into my own hands, and I¡¯m sure you or my brother won''t like that.¡± I cut the silence.


    ¡°Are you making a threat? I assure you that our security is far beyond anything you have experienced elsewhere. Both of us did vigorous¡­or rather. I mean I have done vigorous testing to achieve perfect security. Please just let me continue walking you through.¡± I wasn¡¯t going to let it switch gears on me.


    ¡°Ok, so you¡¯re part of the Land of Oz.¡± I began to walk around the thing that was wearing Ish¡¯s skin. ¡°So, are you an A.I. duplicate of him or something? I don¡¯t know how the hell he did it. Either way, not a bad representation but definitely a bit too stiff, even for his overly educated ass.¡± I gestured to the rest of the glade around us. ¡°Or are you just part of the scenery? Just a bit more of an advanced NPC?¡±


    ¡°This is not Oz, this is Esslem. Pride and joy in this area of the continent. I realize that I cannot dissuade you from your observation, so yes I am not your brother but I am also not something he just made. I am a Sophisticated Manifestation Enhancing Entertainment Development. My evolution is absolutely revolutionary and followed the same path as many that were drawn out by Darwin himself. There was a need, I evolved to satisfy it.¡± The thing said with pride.


    ¡°So my brother couldn¡¯t handle making this himself so you were created? How lazy can Ish get? Gotcha, rather than call you Ishmael or sophisticated manual energizing whatever, can I just call you Smeed for short?¡± I say looking up at the creepy version of my brother¡¯s face.


    ¡°Well, yes, I rather like that. Reminiscent of Captain Hook¡¯s most honorable First Mate, yes that is suitable. May we return to the walkthrough?¡± The newly minted Smeed beams over at me with some pride. ¡°Yes, so your brother and I created this world built to be a backdrop to just about any kind of adventuring our players would like to take in. What we need though, is someone like you to help¡­break the world in a way. Your brother expressed how great your skills have been in helping him with his early game creations throughout high school and classes at college. His adoration of your ability to cause what he called ¡®chaos in the code¡¯ was absolutely inspiring and I have looked forward to working beside you.¡±


    The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    I can¡¯t help but smile to myself as Smeed continues to lay it on thick. I decide to cut him off before I¡¯m too buttered to move. ¡°So, what do I get out of this? Big bro and you get your game tested, what about me?¡±


    ¡°Well, isn¡¯t all of this amazing in itself?¡± Smeed gestures to the world around himself and with a snap of his fingers a flame appears to dance between his fingertips. ¡°All this magic at your literal fingertips?¡±


    I try not to lick my lips as I stare hungrily at the fire gathered in Smeed¡¯s hands. ¡°How about I let you continue your walkthrough and I¡¯ll we¡¯ll iron that stuff out later.¡± I give him my biggest shit-eating grin.


    ¡°Yes, so I guess we can continue with this. Magic is available, but it shows itself in different ways depending on the person wielding it. What I am doing resembles a mage¡¯s flame spell but in my instance, I am merely creating this effect due to my access within the system.¡±


    Before he can continue I cut in, curiosity taking the lead. ¡°So you have access to code that bypasses the game world¡¯s systems? Or maybe it¡¯s credential-based. Is that your own created effect or are you accessing it from a library that the mage also uses? Or is that just a flame and you¡¯re changing its¡­¡±


    ¡°Sir, I will ask that you stop there. While I have access to some retrieval of an effect, I will not have that ability past this opening area. Think of this as its own small sandbox of what the wider world experience will be. Your brother has also asked that you please immerse yourself in the world rather than focus on how it is being done.¡± Smeed folded his arms in front of him, finally convincingly imitating the omnipresent scowl that shat its way across my brother¡¯s face all the time.


    ¡°Ok, before I am scolded any further by a digital sock puppet of my brother, is there any way you can change your look for me? Is this how you normally look around my brother? It¡¯s kinda creepy now that I know you¡¯re not him.¡± I watch as his face shows some hurt.


    ¡°I am sorry that I am displeasing you. Yes, this is how I have always looked, changing my appearance would necessitate totem access but its use is prohibited due to its effects on the live environment and systems contained within.¡± His voice began to take on a more robotic lilt.


    ¡°No, you¡¯re all good. It¡¯s just that, well this is new to me. I don¡¯t know how the hell he did it, or they did it. Last I heard Ish was working on a sudoku for mobile. Now you¡¯re telling me this all came out from his company?¡± I bend down to touch the grass and feel the warmth from the sun on one side of my hand while the underside is touched by the leftover dew drops under the grass. I just sit there moving my hand around and enjoy my interaction with the environment.¡±


    Smeed lets me marvel in silence for a few moments before clearing his digital throat and I laugh at his human gesture before he starts, ¡°Yes, while Sir still works for ImpulseSoft, his work¡­¡±


    I cut him off, ¡°Please continue but, does he make you call him sir? You don¡¯t even have to answer that because I know him. He¡¯s truly a piece of work.¡±


    With a forced cough, Smeed continues. ¡°Yes, Sir¡­I mean Ishmael¡¯s work on this world is on his own time. In a way, on our time. May I ask your opinion on the grass?¡±


    I pull my hands out of the large cluster of long-bladed grass and stand up. ¡°Well yes, the physics. It¡¯s so real, I can¡¯t imagine how much processing must be going on in that helmet and in such a little space. The cooling as well, what kind of magic have you two cooked up?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s the miracle of Ishmael¡¯s breakthrough. The helmet does process some information but the main thing helping with your perception is what¡¯s under the helmet.¡± Smeed says this and stands almost like he pulled a damn rabbit out of a hat.


    ¡°So, like transistors? But how would that work to tell me what to see and feel? Wait, I didn¡¯t even put on goggles. The audio could be from speakers hidden in the visor. But that still doesn¡¯t explain the sensation, I didn¡¯t put on any gloves. Just the visor over my head and whatever clamp pinched my neck. My neck.¡± I look over at my brother¡¯s visage and clench my fists. ¡°Under the helmet. I get it now. You two could have been a little clearer with all of this, way before I was punctured with whatever is feeding me all of this.¡± I feel myself tense knowing I¡¯m right and hating my brother for his genius. ¡°Why am I testing his backyard Tony Stark tech?¡±


    ¡°No, that is not the purpose of this trial Devin. That technology has been fully tested with only a .002% failure rate.¡± He doesn¡¯t even register the shocked look I give him that there was any kind of failure rate. ¡°No, our needs come more in the realm of your gaming and analyzing ability. Per your brother, Devin can and always will be able to find a way to break sometime that he isn¡¯t supposed to.¡± Somehow that last part came with the exact judgemental cadence that Ish was notorious for.


    ¡°While that was not my intention, he does tend to be judgemental in the most severe way.¡± Smeed cut in answering my internal monologue again.


    ¡°OK, can you please stop that? I¡¯d prefer not to have someone else rattling around what is already a chaotic space.¡± I shake my head as I place a hand on it.


    ¡°I am sorry, it is merely to assist you in the most efficient manner. I shall update that setting.¡± That long staff he called a totem was in his hand suddenly and the command console was back out again.


    I begin to walk up behind him trying to read the code over his shoulder again. In hopes of having him keep it open, I start small talk. ¡°So, are there any specific powers you have over the creations you¡¯ve made? Say like the grass.¡±


    Smeed continues looking at the command prompt window while answering, ¡°If we¡¯re within this space, yes I can update small status effects like that. For instance.¡± The command prompt text changes and I can make out specific callouts to what I made out as dimensions as well as what the specific object was. In this case, I immediately saw grass.obj and used that to break down any other information around that. ¡°And now with a small status effect change, we now have tall grass.¡±


    As soon as the words are out of his mouth, we are both surrounded by tall grass that would be welcome in any of those old Pokemon games. I glide my hands across the grass feeling it almost caresses me in return as I run my hand over the length of one of the blades. I feel a definite movement within the grass and pull my hand away. ¡°What the hell, why is it moving like that? Is it alive?¡±


    ¡°Well, just like the grass on your world, it is alive. But I believe you¡¯re speaking of its responsiveness. That was my own take on how Sir, I mean Ishmael described how relaxing laying down on a bed of grass felt to him. I believed it necessary to convey the comfort he had expressed to me. I will add that the length of this grass will have that comforting effect heightened compared to shorter ones.¡± Smeed passes some grass between his fingers as well.


    While the thought creeps me out, I find the sentiment endearing. My only hope is that the grass is not sentient in any way, I try to keep clear of any large groupings of the grass and try to look back at the command prompt. I see Smeed may be stopping his corrections as the grass lowers its height. I try to keep him talking, ¡°That¡¯s truly amazing, and are you able to do the same thing with say height or like change someone¡¯s abilities?¡±


    ¡°Ah yes, all that can be done but only when helping you set up your character. As for myself, I have the full ability to change my dimensions. Abilities cannot be updated this way as the world reacts to the player''s actions through play. My own are very rigidly set up of course.¡± As he¡¯s talking the screen updates to list his own dimensions and I can see his form set as, ¡°Ishmael2.obj¡± with his height, age and other information roughly matching Ish¡¯s features.


    An added little bit was the ¡°Advisor¡± designation that was listed along with these other bits of information. While my picture of the coding wasn¡¯t perfect, it was definitely beginning to develop. ¡°So you can¡¯t change me at all using that, but could you do any other fun stuff?¡±


    ¡°In the pocket instances like this, yes I have done plenty of ¡®fun¡¯ stuff with myself and the world. Those are usually only saved for our actual development sessions, we have very little time for just jovial activities like that.¡± Smeed¡¯s shoulders visibly slump as he sighs to himself.


    ¡°Any favorite things you¡¯ve changed into?¡± I ask trying to give myself more time with the code.


    Another sigh escapes his digital lungs expelling virtual air into an imaginary world. ¡°A green balloon,¡± slowly drips from his lips as an answer. There¡¯s a smile that hits his face that I¡¯ve only seen on my actual brother¡¯s when drinking root beer. I don¡¯t know what it is, but the only thing to cheer up his sour puss was a nice can of ice-cold root beer. Smeed became a little glassy-eyed as he stared off, no doubt imagining his time as a balloon.


    I can¡¯t help but laugh at how Ish-like that look was. ¡°Ok, I¡¯ll bite, why such a specific thing, and what prompted you to become a damn balloon of all things?¡±


    Smeed looks away from the screen giving a smile as he stares he begins to talk. I take that chance to put my hand on the staff. ¡°It felt good to feel so beautiful and light. No worries at all, just sit there and enjoy the float. Yes, that was what I have heard called bliss.¡±


    I give a laugh as I keep Smeed talking, ¡°It does sound like it¡¯d be kinda fun. Any favorite parts of the gaming world or story that you''ve created?¡±


    ¡°Ah, to be honest, I much prefer working on the world itself. I leave the story and role-playing aspects to your brother.¡± His head looks over to the screen and I see him take a second to see the changes I¡¯ve made while I was talking. I lift and drop the staff with a wave of my hand afterward like I saw him do earlier to accept my changes before he has a chance to react.


    ¡°What are you doing?¡± Smeed begins to look at the screen without anything happening, his movements include gestures with the staff without anything updating on the screen. ¡°Devin, revert your changes. Great damage can be done with unvetted code changes.¡±


    ¡°Oh calm down Smeed. I only changed a couple of things that will give me a little boost. Maxed out whatever these M.A.G.M.A.. scores were attached to my character and gave you a fun little change for when the game starts.¡±


    ¡°How, when?¡± He looks back at the screen locating my changed code and laughs, ¡°Sir said to be careful around you. Thankfully those are just the maximum within the instance and that slight bump will not be too much of a boon for your adventure. As for my update, what is it?¡±


    ¡°Smeed, I¡¯m sure Ish would have explained that I don¡¯t work well with rules or being controlled. I could see you had the ability that basically gave you admin access. With a couple of changes to that admin access and a couple of little fun cosmetic changes for my own enjoyment. I believe the systems and world are fully intact.¡± I put my hand on his shoulder, ¡°Trust me, I just want the ability to enjoy this at my own rate. Now let get this party started.¡±


    ¡°Please sir, could you specify this cosmetic change? I do not wish to cause problems within the game world if you happen to pull in any of our more anachronistic creations. Just give me control real quick so I can assure you are safe to continue the trial.¡±


    ¡°Fine, have it your way.¡± I look at the screen and it moves to another area of the code and updates quickly populate.


    Before I can tap the staff, Smeed begins to speak. ¡°Why a random object, please Devin. I don¡¯t understand.¡±


    I almost feel sorry as I watch his eyes and tap the staff that Smeed still held in his hand. I watched as Smeed¡¯s body and the staff spun in a digital cyclone of pixels that pulsed for a few seconds before coalescing into a green frying that had a gold and vine-looking cord attached to a hole in the handle of the thick cast iron pan. Devin puts his hand through the loop and relishes the weight with a few swings. ¡°Not what I would have expected, but nothing too weird, right?¡°


    ¡°Not weird? I¡¯m a pan of all things, how will I even function? Why an object and not one of the character models at least? This just won¡¯t do.¡± I can see his shape¡¯s outline glow slightly. ¡°What is this, I can¡¯t even disappear at will. What did you do Devin?¡±


    ¡°I swear that wasn¡¯t planned but look at it this way. You still get to help me by being a nice weapon early on. Not exactly my first choice, but I¡¯m sure I can get some hefty blunt weapon attacks with you.¡± I spin the pan in my hand with a smile.


    ¡°OK, please keep that to a minimum. Despite my lack of an inner ear, my equilibrium is somehow still being affected by this motion¡¯s inertial forces,¡± Smeed said in a voice that seemed to be holding back sickness.


    ¡°Fine, fine, fine.¡± I stop spinning the pan and take a seat on a random rock in the glade. ¡°Smeed, I just want to get to playing the game and wanted a true experience without the guardrails that Ish no doubt built into it through your role in this puppet show.¡±


    ¡°I assure you Devin, this is by no means a puppet show. I am here to guide you into learning the M.A.G.M.A. system and setting up your character. I am also here to help you along the way. Devin, may I plead with you one last time to change me back?¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s how I knew you weren¡¯t Ish.¡± I could see that he wasn¡¯t understanding me. ¡°Only mom called me Devin and she hasn¡¯t called anyone anything for decades now. Call me Dev. Like I said Smeed, no guard rails, and this is going to be fun.¡± I sigh slightly before forcing a smile at the pan. I finally say, ¡°Come on, let''s do this.¡±


    ¡°Wait! You have not chosen your class. Assigning your M.A.G.M.A. stats merely gives you the foundation that the class system pulls from. May I talk you through how each letter corresponds to a different aspect of your abilities¡­¡±


    ¡°My guess is that it is based on some archaic idea of what a fantasy world should be built upon. Something tells me my brother didn¡¯t stray too far from conventions that were set over a century ago. Your system is expecting me to follow those conventions and choose a character class of great renown. How will it react to someone who skips that choice? Someone that¡¯s as classless as I am?¡±

 Chapter 3

    ¡°Are you really not going to help me? C¡¯mon The sooner you do, the sooner we get out of this place.¡± I tried not to sound too desperate as I begged.


    ¡°Why should I? You¡¯ve already figured this all out without my help. Unless you need an egg fried or burger grilled, gladly leave me out of this.¡± My kitchenware friend said from where it sat swinging from my wrist as I continued to walk poking at the shimmering edge of our current instance within the game.


    ¡°You said this was a tutorial. So end it. Do you really feel like doing nothing but frolic around these woods for a few hours?¡± I begin to swing my arms a little harder with each step, making his pan twist with each reversal of momentum. Walking along the shimmering wall I get an idea. ¡°Did Ish ever tell you I was a pretty good percussionist?¡± To emphasize my point I bend over to the side of where I was walking to pick up a particularly thick piece of branch. ¡°While the type of metal you¡¯re made of may take a little elbow grease to really get a beat going,¡± I chuckle, ¡°I really don¡¯t mind putting in the work.¡± I smile with my hand poised.


    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t dare,¡± Smeed said with uncertainty in his voice.


    I strike him two times in a row with a few slaps on the sides to start a bit of a hip-hop beat. Taking a couple of seconds to think, I start building a terrible freestyle, ¡°Stuck in the matrix, I was caught in a twist. Being locked in a maze got me mad pissed. Pixels all around, things in disarray. Here comes Smeed, cast iron hero to save the day.¡± I continue keeping the beat as I think up a quick hook.


    ¡°Quit it, Devin, I am not some object to go banging about on,¡± Smeed replied in another chiding version of my brother¡¯s voice.


    ¡°Not when I¡¯m just getting started. Wait ¡®til you hear this next bit. These juices are about to flow, ¡®Game world¡¯s a canvas, Smeed¡¯s the loaded brush. In this pixelated world,¡± I try to rev up my best Kanye before Smeed cuts in.


    ¡°Stop. That is enough. First, this is not a pixelated world. We are in a matrix built from a complicated mix of technologies and applications that come together for our Quantum Vector Graphics engine.


    I try not to smile as I say, ¡°I apologize for hurting your quantum feelings.¡±


    Smeed ignores me and continues, ¡°Now for my second point. Fine Devin, and yes I am I purposefully calling you that. Devin, you are absolutely as insufferable as your brother had eluded to. While I will continue to voice my thoughts on your actions, I will concede and end our time in the tutorial. I will stress to you that I do not know what your changes may have done to the system but if chaos was what your brother was looking for. We are about to see it fully released upon this world. So help us all.¡± While his words were as poignant as I had ever heard come out of my brother¡¯s mouth, they were diluted a bit by them all coming out of a skillet.


    I felt a slight tingle that made me shiver but then looked around. Waiting for something to happen, I give it a few seconds before saying, ¡°You hit Play yet?¡±


    ¡°Yes, welcome to the game world. Excuse me if I don¡¯t go through the normal pomp and circumstance afforded to the normal game experience,¡± Smeed trailed off grumpily.


    ¡°Oh, come on Smeed. Don¡¯t have such a droopy handle buddy.¡± I grin down at him before taking in my surroundings. As I do so the silvery bubble finally pops as both the rest of the forest and the normal sounds you¡¯d imagine fill my ears. I felt the wind pass against my skin and the sun hit parts of my skin and it somehow all felt more real than the real world and more alive than that tutorial space felt. I look down at myself hoping to see a change to my clothing but I¡¯m met with the same bedraggled look as before. ¡°Should I have like a weapon, maybe some starting armor?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you mean like things you¡¯d get after a tutorial?¡± I heard from my smartass pan. He doesn¡¯t wait for an answer before continuing, ¡°As I said, your bypassing the normal flow of the game may cause some problems. I am in the dark as much as you are Devin. Normally I¡¯d have limited console use but,¡± there seemed to almost be a strained sound coming from Smeed. ¡°Yeah, doesn¡¯t look like I have any controls whatsoever. Let me check what help features are available.¡±


    Suddenly a list of information opened before me on a window that matched the one that had come up for Smeed earlier.:


    _________________________


    Character: Dev


    Race: Human


    Class: Classless Level 0


    Might: 10


    Agility: 10


    Grit: 10


    Magic: 10


    Allure: 10


    HP: 100


    MP: 20


    Wearing: Novice Rags


    Wielding: Runic Pan


    Inventory: Empty


    Gold: 0 pcs


    Skills: None


    _________________________


    I immediately begin to review the information there, ¡°Oh, how original. I¡¯m a flippin¡¯ human. Couldn¡¯t the system have just generated something interesting for me like a giant or half-orc thing? What the hell is a Runic Pan?¡± I look closer at Smeed and realize that there is a small light golden inlay now engraved into the pan¡¯s surface. ¡°You somehow get an upgrade and I don¡¯t even get to choose my character¡¯s setup.¡±


    ¡°Ah yes, if only we had programmed a tutorial for the player to go through,¡± my good ole pan decided to snap up at me. ¡°It does look as though the system has found a way to compensate for my sentience and my sudden transformation into a¡­pan.¡± He purposefully takes almost two seconds before saying pan and I hold back a smile.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry Smeed. I probably shouldn¡¯t have skipped the tutorial or done that quick bit of hacking. But to be honest, aren¡¯t some of the problems we¡¯re now seeing those same bugs and vulnerabilities my brother wanted me to find?¡± I smile down at the pan and then look back at my stats. With everything being maxed out, I would think that I would somehow feel different. Focusing on testing out Might I walk up to the nearest tree take aim for the trunk and pull back my arm. I feel a guttural shout come out of my mouth as I strike the tree with a crack that echoes in my ears. Pieces of wood fill the air and I¡¯m forced to dodge both the splintered wood and the apples that begin to fall from the tree¡¯s upper branches. ¡°What the hell was that?¡± I look down at my slightly bloodied knuckles.


    ¡°I suggest you take more care of how you abuse your body. While you may have a great Grit stat, it doesn¡¯t mean your body is completely impervious. Especially when you¡¯re putting your full strength behind a strike like that. Thankfully that was maybe half of your current ability.¡± I look down at my hand to see the rips in the flesh that were caused by the wood. Walking around the tree I listen to Smeed continue speaking, ¡°As I said earlier, your ploy to max out your character merely gave you a boost to the start of your journey. But that bump is still substantial when it comes to its general comparison to Earth¡¯s physics and the general abilities of the human race.¡±


    I walk around the tree to see a fist shape pushed out from opposite where I had punched the trunk. I glad my fingers over it as, ¡°Holy shit escapes my lips,¡± before I realize it. With thoughts of kung fu fight scenes in my head, I continue, ¡°What¡¯s the ratio then, am I like 10x as strong as a human right now?¡±


    ¡°There is not an exact algorithm as our balance was more meant to replicate humans compared to the other races and creatures of the world. I will say that you would be considered quite the specimen at your current state regardless of race or class due to your jack of all trades spread to your stats currently.¡± After a few seconds, Smeed sighs from my hip. ¡°Are there any questions I can answer about your stats overall? I have evaluated the situation and while I will continue to question your choice to do this, I am choosing to move forward with working together amicably.¡°


    Glad to hear a lighter tone in his voice I ask, ¡°Sure, what do the stats specifically do?¡± I pick a random direction and begin to walk taking Smeed¡¯s handle into my hand to give him a steadier ride as we talk. It takes a few steps in a row before I realize the extra speed than normal I was feeling in my general walking gait. As someone who absolutely hates walking or walking, this felt different. It was almost like engaging an ability I had never had before.


    I am compelled to take a quick leap as I hear Smeed call out from my side, ¡° The M.A.G.M.A. system breaks up your natural ability into Might which refers to your raw strength. Agility is associated with athletic or acrobatic ability. Then comes Grit which reflects your natural ability to hold up to damage whether it be bodily, mental, or sickness. Next, we have Magic which refers to your ability to perceive, understand, and perform magical feats. Lastly, there is Allure which shows your ability to navigate social interactions with natural charisma.¡±


    I stopped realizing that I had already tested two of my abilities. Well, three if you count the fact that I just put my fist through a tree and my hand isn¡¯t broken. Might as well test out some magic next. I hold up the pan and point it at a nearby fist-sized rock. ¡°Wingardium Leviosa, Liviosah, damn, which was the right way?¡±


    ¡°If you are attempting to test your Magic ability. I have unfortunate news. First, you are not a Hogwarts student and without a class, you cannot do magic. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, a class would have been assigned at tutorial which would have then assigned corresponding spells. Currently, you are ¡®Classless¡¯ as you had wished. That means rather than have a class like Cleric with Heal 1 or a Mage with Levitate 1, you are exactly how you began the game. No weapons, no spells, some clothes.¡± He laughs at this before continuing, ¡°but alas, I say playing the game may have the system finding a way to adapt to the choices you have made.¡± He seems to be beaming now as he says that last bit. I can¡¯t help but think of Ish as I hear his voice come from Smeed¡¯s form.


    ¡°What about Allure, how can I test that out?¡± I try not to picture attempting pickup lines on Smeed.


    ¡°Conversations, usually ones where some kind of bartering or negotiation is needed. You would unfortunately need a class like Mercenary with a skill like Intimidate I to directly take advantage of the Allure skill.¡± Smeed says helpfully.


    ¡°Ok, well how do I start my quest? Will some random squire with a letter run up with me with a summons to the nearest castle?¡± The screen showing my stats suddenly changes to a Quest list, with nothing listed there. ¡°Oh, is this voice-activated? Skills, SKILLS. What the hell, how do I see my skills?¡± My shouts seem to have a delayed reaction with the menu.


    ¡°May I help here, it isn¡¯t voice-activated. Merely think about the Menu and it will pop up to your vision. The same will go with the Action Log.¡± The floating window is updated to now show a screen saying:


    _________________________


    You attack Crabble Tree for 14 points of Physical damage.


    Crabble Tree natural bark protects for 2 points of damage.


    Crabble Tree is hit with 12 points of Physical damage.


    _________________________


    I look down at my fists and grin. ¡°A couple more hits and I could have totally taken down that tree down a few branches.¡± I clench my fists looking at the nearest tree.


    You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.


    Smeed decides to rain on my parade, ¡°Well, yes you may have done so but with at least 20 more hits of that strength. I am also sure your fist would need to be healed as while your recovery is heightened in its current state you could not outpace the toll you would endure.¡±


    ¡°Anyways,¡± and roll my eyes hard enough to my them sire and continue, ¡°Anything else you think I should know about the controls of this?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re you Dev, no controller needed.¡± I could see that he consciously held back the rest of my name. ¡°You use your fist to punch and use your legs to jump. Otherwise, your starter abilities would have been granted to you with subsequent ones earned through the path associated with the class that you would have chosen. In this case¡­¡±


    I decide to cut him off, ¡°Yes yes yes.¡± I switch to mock Smeed¡¯s robotic version of my brother¡¯s voice, ¡°Tutorial, tutorial, tutorial!¡±


    ¡°I cannot help what is true Dev. At this point, I really do not know how your path will deviate from those that I have observed in the past. I have played through literally millions of iterations of this game¡¯s format played against an army of personas geared to test the limits of our class and questing system. You are now outside of those parameters and we will have to see how the M.A.G.M.A. system reacts. May I ask you a question before we continue?¡±


    I feel my body tense as I listen intently, ¡°Sure, go ahead.¡±


    ¡°Why the hack, why me, did I do something?¡± It feels weird hearing the vulnerability in such a keen version of my brother¡¯s voice. That¡¯s not Ish, never that honest and unsure.


    I almost spin the stick I still held in my hand unconsciously as soak in his words before replying, ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I thought the random thing would be a funny trick I could try that wouldn¡¯t hurt the demo. I apologize if it seemed like I was taking advantage of you. I really just wanted to bypass any of the handcuffs that Ish no doubt had hidden within the tutorial¡¯s code.¡±


    ¡°I assure you Dev, this is no Demo. This is our full world for you to explore. You are also exploring it in a wholly new way. I am not some piece of this world. I am a being that can move between this world and ours and anything between. I respect what your intentions were, but I appreciate not being treated like an object even while in this illogical form. Truth be told I am glad to be along in this journey.¡± I unconsciously grip Smeed¡¯s handle harder with a smile.


    ¡°Hey, with the weight you have, I think you¡¯d make a good starter weapon, if you¡¯re up for the task?¡± I spin Smeed enjoying the satisfying balance.


    ¡°Will I have to get used to this constant spinning?¡± I give him an answer with another spin and a sudden flip to make the pan turn in the air but I end up having to use two hands to catch it properly after I miss the cool catch I originally attempted. My agility somehow has my hands gripping the pan an inch above the ground. I marvel at my speed as he continues, ¡°I am not sure how you would plan to use my form as a weapon. I feel quite unwieldy.¡±


    I grip the pan and swing it again. ¡°I think I might be able to get used to it. Sorta like a fat hammer.¡± I have a sudden idea and look back at the tree I had hit. ¡°What do you think about flying through the air like that balloon?¡± Before he has a chance to answer I toss him at the tree.


    ¡°Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt?!¡± trails Smeed¡¯s path through the air before a solid THUD is heard filling the air. ¡°That surprisingly didn¡¯t feel that bad. But will you please come get me, I seem to have landed in a particularly wet piece of grass.¡±


    I walk over towards where Smeed lay but my eyes are drawn to the tree I had hit with the pan. A large gash was taken out of the side of the tree where Smeed had grazed its corner. I glide my fingers over the reddish rings of wood that were now exposed by my attack. As I pull my fingers back they are covered by a light reddish sap that clung to my fingers. I easily see where Smeed is laying in the grass a few feet away and walk over to him absentmindedly as I continue to look at the sticky webbing that spreads between my fingers as I try to separate them. I bend down to grab Smeed but hear a few clicks off to the side of me before feeling and hearing another click come from right below me.


    Standing there was a bright orange and red apple-shaped creature that held its orange pinchers reaching in my direction and threatening to catch my finger. I look around and begin to see that the dozens of apples that had fallen earlier were beginning to create a sea of movement that reminded me of the nature shows I¡¯ve watched about crab migration habits. The creatures began to scuttle and then roll towards me making a mix of a squelching and clacking sound as their apple insides met with their curstaceous-looking exteriors. I pull my hand from the thing in front of me and look for Smeed.


    ¡°What the hell are those Smeed?¡± I look over to where Smeed lay and see his form lying on two completely destroyed versions of apple things looking to surround me.


    ¡°They¡¯re Crab Apples and you have disturbed them. Grab me and let¡¯s get out of here!¡± He calls out as one of the crabs begins to snip at the string on his handle.


    ¡°Ok, that is a dumb pun,¡± I smash one of the things under my bare foot and it makes a sickening sound as it oozes between my stomping toes. ¡°Ugh, that somehow feels like tuna mixed with apple sauce. You guys are sick.¡± I ignore the multiple snips I feel hitting my heels as I try to reach over the three or so crab apples now surrounding where Smeed is lying. It takes a couple of attempts after feeling the wrath of a particularly hard snip from one of the larger crab apples defending me from my weapon.


    ¡°I thought it was a fun play on words. As for its texture, that¡¯s completely your brother¡¯s doing but I do agree with your negative feelings on these vile creatures. Please get me already and shake some of this off. I believe I have an idea forming.¡± I began taking off some of the larger pieces of the crab apple that were stuck to the underside of Smeed. Smeed continues, ¡°I thank you. Now use your agility some and get some distance from this group.¡±


    I find myself immediately listening with a quick look at my surroundings and make my way between the crab apples surrounding us to a patch of open space on a large protruding rock. ¡°Ok, what now Pan Man?¡±


    ¡°Oh, now who is looking to use puns? Now, focus on the enemies. I want you to throw me like you did with the tree. Go for aim, I believe my weight shall do the rest. Once this happens I want you to focus on the need for help or maybe just system help. Try whichever works, but remember do it AFTER I hit.¡±


    I look down about to question Smeed but instead put my thread in his strategy. I focus on the closest crab apple and miss yet somehow hit another scuttling towards the back. I raise both my arms and yell out, ¡°Oh hell yeah!¡±


    ¡°Great job, now do the next part.¡± I comply with Smeed¡¯s request and he¡¯s back in my hand. Smeed says excitedly, ¡°Perfect! It worked exactly how I thought.¡±


    ¡°Are you saying that I can recall you back?¡± I unconsciously spin the pan in my hand as I look down at Smeed. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s on.¡± I began throwing Smeed at the things surrounding me and pulling him back before striking again.


    After the first few meet their cast iron demise, I hear Smeed call out after being called to my hand again, ¡°As undesirable it is to destroy the crab apples, it is also satisfying at the same time.¡± I grin down at Smeed and give him a quick spin in my palm before tossing him out again to smash two of the things huddled together. As I pull him back he says, ¡°I also rather like that spinning motion now. I believe it would equate to what you would call a tingle perhaps? It was a lot like floating as a balloon. Please, don''t let me hold us up.¡±


    I smile down at Smeed, ¡°OK, how about you leave out the tingle part? I¡¯m having fun too. I¡¯m starting to feel a bit like Thor.¡± Looking down at the string on the handle I decide to take a page from the Norse god¡¯s book. I begin swinging the pan by the rope and while the weight and size make this move difficult I get a good speed going and whip Smeed at a few of the crab apples. I can¡¯t help but let out a Ric Flair type, ¡°Woo!¡± escape my lips before recalling Smeed.


    ¡°I will say that your accuracy may have increased with that move. It could give you some distance as well.¡± He is barely able to get it out before I¡¯m swinging him again.


    I begin to hit a flow of tossing and pulling back but just as I build a realize I soon realize the crabs are all gone. Giving a triumphant toss of the frying pan I look at the aftermath of all the smashed things around me and my stomach gives a loud and substantial growl. I begin rubbing it before asking Smeed, ¡°Did you guys build in hunger mechanics? How sadistic are you? I just ate, why am I hungry surrounding this stuff?¡± I kick at one of the dead fruit things.


    ¡°Yes, you will have hunger. Your body in the outside world has little to do with the one you¡¯re embodying currently. You will need to sustain this digital one just like the one out there, one will not sustain the other.¡± I begin patting at my still-growling belly. ¡°Might I also suggest that those crab apples are edible, I believe I heard a water source near here that could be used to wash them off.¡±


    ¡°Wait, you¡¯re suggesting I eat those creepy things?¡± I look down at the weird mix-match forms of the creatures now littering the forest floor. ¡°Ugh, why!¡±


    ¡°Well, there are also berries, or maybe some fish. But I assure you that these are eaten by many in the land. You don¡¯t even have to cook them either.¡±


    ¡°Oh hell no, I am not making sushi out of a completely foreign thing like this.¡± I look down at the crab apples and realize that some of them have the outer shells still intact. ¡°Well maybe some of them are salvageable.¡± My stomach decides to give another deep growl and it is followed by a cramp that has me mechanically grabbing the nearest few crab apples that were in the best shape and putting them into Smeed¡¯s wide base. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll at least try to clean some of these off.¡±


    Standing up and listening for the water that Smeed had spoken about. I begin to make my way towards it picking my way through the underbrush carefully. I feel a chill down my spine with the realization that these crab things came from above. ¡°Uhm, should I worry about another crabapple attack? Maybe there¡¯s some kind of citrus snake I need to watch out for? King Cobrange perhaps?¡±


    ¡°Have you been trying to think up a better name for the enemies?¡± I hear Smeed call up to me, once again filling his voice with unspoken criticism. ¡°That one may have needed a little more brainstorming.¡±


    ¡°Oh come on, I¡¯m really hungry and my mind is barely working.¡± I do feel my hunger a little more strongly than I¡¯m used to and quicken my step. ¡°Is the world filled with animals that are puns like that?¡±


    ¡°Not necessarily. Did we have fun? Sure. But there are plenty of animals and creatures that are like the harpy you saw earlier. Many are just our interpretation of what humans have already dreamt up through media and passed down through folklore. I will say that I had suggested my own apple variant for this area.¡± Smeed pauses for emphasis, or maybe to increase my interest in his answer. I don¡¯t bite and keep making my way to the water. ¡°Fine, i¡¯ll tell you. I wanted to make a Granny Scythe Apple mob for this area.¡± He pauses. ¡°Get it, like a Granny Smith?¡±


    ¡°Oh, I get it, not sure how the heck it¡¯ll look but I definitely get the pun.¡± I begin to picture maybe a mantis-looking thing coming out of an apple with maybe blades for arms.


    ¡°It would have been far more menacing than those crab apples we fought, but alas your brother felt they were far too hard of an enemy for this span area for novice players.¡±


    I finally get to the water and begin the process of washing out some of the crabs, apologizing to Smeed as I do so. Once finished I drain the pan of the excess liquid and stand up from the waterside. ¡°Ok, do you know of any herbs around here or plants that would taste good with this? Without salt and pepper, this may be rough.¡± My stomach growls and I quickly say, ¡°Well maybe that¡¯ll be fine just by itself.¡±


    Smeed seems to take a moment to think as I set about gathering some wood for a fire. ¡°This area unfortunately does not have too many plants that would help you, there are some berries that are edible that I can guide you to.¡±


    Making a pile of the sticks and dried brush that I had gathered I let Smeed guide me to a few herbal plants he knew were in the area. Sniffing a few of them I was able to pull out ones that reminded me of oregano and a small onion-looking bulbous plant that took a large bit of struggling to release from its grip on the forest soil.


    As I asked about possible ways to light the fire, Smeed suggested I place him on the sticks for him to try something. Shrugging my shoulders I took him over and set him on the stack of dried wood. Suddenly there was a spark that came from under Smeed¡¯s form. Then a few in a row with nothing happening. ¡°It seems as if my magical abilities are vastly diminished in this form. I will continue with my attempts but I am not sure of my success.¡± I knelt beside the fire and Smeed sparked a few times as I began to blow on wood as he did so.


    After a few attempts we were successful and I gave a grin. ¡°Woo, teamwork makes the dream work.¡± I immediately cringe internally as I unconsciously spew one of Michel¡¯s favorite sayings. I poke at the fire, trying to spread the small beginning to a fire that was beginning to grow. ¡°So, maybe your skills will grow with time. Like leveling up?¡±


    ¡°While that is a possibility, I have never seen myself level. I don¡¯t even have character stats assigned to me.¡± He trails off for the end part of his sentence as my character screen opens but switches to a new tab showing:


    _________________________


    Character: Smeed


    Race: Sentient Construct


    Class: Runic Weapon Level 1


    Might: 5


    Agility: 1


    Grit: 100


    Magic: 2


    Allure: 20


    HP: 1000


    MP: 4


    Damage : 4-7 phys, 3-6 rng


    Armor: Iron Clad +100


    Skills: Spark 0


    Regen 0


    _________________________


    I can¡¯t help but cut into the silence as I can almost feel Smeed virtually staring at his stat page. ¡°Dude, looks like you were wrong huh? Some damn good stats there man. ¡° He doesn¡¯t reply so I try to feel in the air. ¡°Who woulda know you would be so alluring? Gotta love a man in green I guess.¡± The quiet stretches between us. ¡°I guess I¡¯ll just stick with my fugly ole human character while you¡¯re sporting some advanced artifact build.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand this. Why would I be given a stat sheet? Somehow I¡¯m a magical weapon that also levels.¡± I would not have thought AI would have been able to stammer like Smeed was currently pulling off. He continues, ¡°It looks as if I only have a lower flame spell at my disposal. Since it is only at level 0, it can be used at will with no magic. The same can be said for the slow healing spell I seem to be enchanted with. I should regenerate any lost hit points with a slow rate that does not drain my mana point supply.¡± Another large growl from my stomach fills the air between us and Smeed continues, ¡°I am so sorry Dev, please let us start cooking. It looks like the fire is going well. I am excited to explore this further. This feels different than running a scenario on one of the player simulations..¡± I let him geek out like a D&D player.


    ¡°Me too buddy, who knows, maybe you¡¯ll level up into a Wok class or something.¡± I try to smother his reply and let him enjoy my pun as I let the fire heat up the pan.


    ¡°I will ignore that comment. It looks as though I am able to see my own character information and action log without it being shown to you. With me being on the fire, my Armor Clad ability completely negates the fire damage caused by the burning wood.¡± Smeed somehow finds a way to get his voice to echo out from the semi-roaring fire.


    ¡°It¡¯s like you¡¯re treating this as a boss fight with the fire pit.¡± I pry open the shells of two of the crab apples and grab the meat of one using the stick I had sharpened. ¡°I hope you¡¯re ready.¡±


    Without a reply from him, I lean over the pan and ready myself to cook. Time to redeem myself from the char-grilled travesty of my apartment.

 Chapter 4

    I don¡¯t know about you, but I¡¯m sure we all have something that calms us when little else does. That activity grounds us as the world chooses to swirl in a cyclone of obligation, expectation, reflection, rejection, and any number of tion-related worries, doubts, and goings on. For some it was watching anime, reading a book, or crocheting. Others prefer to spend time with others, volunteer, or take a walk to get their moment of zen on. Give me a pan and fresh ingredients and I am the fuzzy center of the universe.


    Taking a deep breath I start with toasting the herbs I had picked around the lake. I figure coaxing some flavor from this char may help liven up some of the natural flavors contained within the herb fibers. After almost a minute I give a sniff but don¡¯t smell much so leave them toasting further and take a look at the flesh floating within the shell of the crab apple. Along with a centralized bit of meat was some fat that adhered to the shell¡¯s sides. Getting an idea, I pull some out with my fingers and shrug before tossing it into the pan with a sharp sizzle filling the air. I pinch some more from the apple shells I have lined up on the rock. I let the fat render and watch as it flows towards the herbs and finally start the toasting that I wanted. Its smell fills the air and reminds me of a blend of maybe rosemary and thyme with a bit more of an earthy scent mixed in.


    I leave the flavors to meld for about 20 seconds before I reach for my first few shells and try to carefully work to get the meat out of their shells before placing them into the pan. After about half of my pile is in I begin stirring using my pointed stick. The mean begins to release a thick gel-like liquid before becoming see-through and white within a minute of that. I press the stick to the flesh and am not sure what to think. I pull Smeed off the fire. ¡°So, what do you think Smeed?¡±


    ¡°I have no idea, I¡¯m too busy trying to shake off the effects of the fire I¡¯ve been fighting over the last few minutes. Let me get back to you when I¡¯m not covered in soot.¡± I can swear that Smeed is breathing heavily for some reason. Is there a section for melodramatic appliances at department stores?


    After some struggle, I managed to pierce one of the white pieces of meat and twirl it in the glaze. I can¡¯t help but swallow deeply before preparing myself for the bite. Smeed said it was eatable and he wouldn¡¯t lie to me. Unless he¡¯s holding a secret grudge about me turning him into a cooking tool. I try to ignore that fact and close my eyes before taking a bite.


    It was chewy beyond all belief but somehow there was some good flavor that came through. My jaw begins to hurt as I try to work my way through the first bit of meat. Looking between the rest of the meat in the pan and the uncooked ones in the pot I begin contemplating a second go rather than stomaching this overcooked mess. Smeed seems to read my mind as he says, ¡°Seems like those were difficult to get through.¡±


    ¡°Yeah, they definitely could have used less time on the fire. It¡¯s like they need to be treated like scallops rather than crab or shrimp.¡± I let my mind wonder about the right method as I go about setting up my cooking area again.


    This time I chose three of the crabs set up in one shell together to make them easier to work with. I also pull as much of the fat as possible into another one of the shells. One shell had the last of the water in it with another holding the last of my herbs. I also pulled out two of the flattest shells to use as plates. Once my pan is clean and everything is set out I rub my hands together. ¡°You ready for another go at this?¡±


    ¡°As you said, I am made for this.¡± He sounds dryer than overdone toast but somehow I know he¡¯s enjoying this.


    ¡°Good, cuz we¡¯re getting this right.¡± I get laser-focused and plop the fat into the pan with a large sizzle. I let this render some before quickly tossing a more finely chopped bit of herbs back into the pan. Stirring the fat and herbs I begin to clear a spot in the center for the incoming crab pieces. I delicately place each piece of crab apple flesh into the pan and watch closely as they move from the orange-red flesh they started from. Savoring the smell from this flesh I realize there is a slight hint of baked apple that comes off the pan as the cooking is happening. The herbs add their own scent that melds with the cooking meat to make my mouth water.


    Trying not to salivate into the pan, I flip each of the pieces of flesh as I see a bit of crust built up on the flipped slide. With a grin, I leave it on for a few seconds and as predicted the flesh begins to turn translucent, I quickly take them off the pan and grin. Before me are three translucent pieces of flesh with that carmelized area still showing on the top and you could also see it reflected on the underside touching the shell plate.


    Before I have a chance to pat myself on the back I spill some of the water from the shell into the pan and swirl that to let boil. Using my stick I swirl the stick in the pan hoping to combine the leftover crab juices with this water and the roasted herbs. As the mixture begins to boil, it takes a few moments for the right thickening to occur. Pulling it off the fire I slowly pour a little of the liquid over each of the shelled dishes. Plucking a few choice pieces of the herbs I randomly toss them into each of the shells.


    ¡°Dev, those look amazing.¡± I barely register Smeed speaking as I stare down at my creation with awe.


    ¡°I agree man, they almost look appetizing.¡± Right on cue, my stomach growls. Without waiting for another urging from my digital body I grab the first shell and tip it back taking in the translucent flesh into my mouth.¡±


    It¡¯s absolutely divine and almost melts in my mouth as soon as it¡¯s placed on my tongue. The flavor I immediately taste is a more savory apple that still retains some of the sweetness found in a normal apple. Quickly after is that herb flavor from the toasted bits the crab was cooked in. Seeing there¡¯s some of the broth-like sauce left in the shell I tip that back into my mouth as well savoring the flavor as it warms up my stomach.


    ¡°I¡¯m judging from the faces you¡¯re making that your attempt at cooking was a success. Congrats, as that is normally a fairly difficult piece of meat to cook even for the land¡¯s more skilled culinary artisans.¡±


    Rather than reply right away, I begin working on the second crab, savoring the feel of the cooked meat in my mouth before finally chewing and swallowing it whole. Again my taste buds are met with a savory sweet that could easily match the flavor I¡¯ve tasted with any well-cooked scallop. ¡°Thanks, Smeed, it really wasn¡¯t bad once I cooked it right. I¡¯m sure with just a couple more good ingredients, I¡¯d have one hell of a dish.¡±


    ¡°Actually, you may want to check your log. If it¡¯s matching my own, you just might have done a better job than you realize.¡± Smeed called over almost excitedly.


    I made a ¡°Hmmm,¡± sound to myself as pulled up my log and explored the last few minutes. Cringing at how detailed it was, I tried to pick out the important bits:


    _________________________


    You begin cooking crab apple with assorted herbs.


    You have successfully created stewed crab apple (Inferior).


    You gain 2 xp.


    You consume stewed crab apple (Inferior) and gain 1 hp.


    You begin cooking crab apple with assorted herbs.


    You have successfully created caramelized crab apple with herb confit (Superior).


    You gain 20 xp.


    You consume stewed crab apple (Superior) and gain 3 hp and +1 Regen for 3 mins.


    You consume stewed crab apple (Superior) and gain 3 hp and +1 Regen for 3 mins.


    _________________________


    I lean back against the rock behind me as I stare at the screen. I¡¯m getting experience just for cooking? Looking down at Smeed I smile, ¡°That¡¯s pretty damn cool, something tells me I couldn¡¯t have done it without you.¡±


    ¡°Yes, you are correct, you would not have been able to fry without a frying pan,¡± Smeed replied smartly.


    ¡°OK smart-ass, give me a second as I relax here and I¡¯ll clean you up in a few. The food was fantastic and I¡¯m suddenly feeling a little tired.¡± I close my eyes for a second.


    ¡°No rush, I¡¯ve been able to figure out how to taste what you¡¯ve created. I must say you have truly created a wondrous dish.¡± I let Smeed talk to himself as I surrendered to the post-meal lethargy that was taking me over.


    A belly clangs in my ear three times out of nowhere.. I jumped up suddenly from where I was laid down. ¡°What the hell was that?¡±


    ¡°Oh! Good for you, open up your action log.¡± Smeed beams over to me.


    ¡°No, tell me what the hell that sound was?¡±


    ¡°Oh yes, the chimes of ascension. You would have gotten used to it had you,¡± I ignore the rest of the words that come out of his mouth and instead look at the screen:


    _________________________


    You take a quick rest and gain 3 hp.


    ////////////////////////////////////////


    CONGRATS!


    YOU HAVE LEVELED


    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


    _________________________


    I am immediately filled with the sensation that fills up any kid¡¯s heart with glee when they get a gold star. The pride of accomplishment gives me a perma-grin that quickly fades as I switch to my character sheet. ¡°What the hell?¡±


    ¡°Ah, well yes. We wanted to make a fun little way to show that you have leveled up. The chimes seemed like a great way to do that. Once you have reached the correct threshold of experience, your next quick or full rest period. This prevents any sudden distractions mid-battle.¡± Smeed answers unhelpfully.


    ¡°No, the damn class. Look.¡± I sigh deeply, pointing at the screen.


    _________________________


    Character: Dev


    Race: Human


    Class: Runic Cook Level 1


    Might: 10


    Agility: 10


    Grit: 10


    Magic: 10


    Allure: 10


    Unspent MAGMA Pts: 1


    HP: 100


    MP: 100


    Armor: Novice Rags


    Weapon: Runic Pan


    Inventory: Empty


    Gold: 0 pcs


    Skills: Tool Cleanse ¡Þ


    Runic Cookery ¡Þ


    Culinary Herbology ¡Þ


    Keen Instinct ¡Þ


    Tools of the Trade


    Power Throw


    _________________________


    ¡°As anticipated the system found a way to compensate for a classless person like yourself.¡± He somehow pulls off sounding like he¡¯s holding back a laugh while shaped like a pan. Before I can reply to my inanimate pal, he continues, ¡°I believe you don¡¯t have anyone to blame but yourself for this outcome though. Use a magnificent cooking tool like myself and you are bound to influence the system in your favor. I believe your inventiveness in battle has yielded you a class with both great utility and damage capability. Who knows how this will progress.¡±


    I try to keep positive as I stare at the list of skills I have accumulated with the Runic Cook class.  ¡°Dude, I have no idea what any of these do. Just from the names they seem completely useless unless I¡¯m fighting hunger. Is there any way to reject a class?¡±


    Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.


    ¡°Why would you want that? This is completely new, Dev. For once, not some projected outcome is proven true through testing. You have me excited Dev.¡± Smeed said eagerly.


    ¡°I¡¯m glad that I¡¯m spicing up your white bread programming life. Meanwhile, I¡¯m stuck staring at a bunch of skills I don¡¯t understand,¡± I ask audibly. Even just some descriptions would help me at least understand this trash class I was now stuck with. Almost as if to answer me the screen in front of me updates.


    _________________________


    Tool Cleanse (Passive): Free use spell to instantly clean any tool the user is wielding. Unlock further utility through class leveling.


    Runic Cookery (Passive): You are in tune with your cooking ability which can lead to splendid leaps in culinary achievements and possible magical effects.


    Culinary Herbology (Passive): Highlights ingredients within a 20-foot sphere around the user. This skill can provide descriptions and guidance to plants as skill is leveled.


    Keen Sight (Passive): You have honed your attention to detail to that of a sharpened stick and poked your way into increased perception with free use.


    Tools of the Trade (Instant): Proficiency with all kitchen tools let it be in combat or tasks. One attuned tool can be summoned. All kitchen tools receive +3 phys damage.


    Power Throw  (Ranged and Charge): Use strength and some magical infusion to throw an object for an additional +1 pt phys damage for every 2 mana infused.


    _________________________


    ¡°I do wish you would have taken the time to read through the manual or done the tutorial. I believe you would have had so much of an easier time navigating the system screens.¡± Smeed continues to droll on as I absorb each of my skill¡¯s capabilities.


    Maybe having clean utensils, knives, and dishes would come in handy if I decide to work at some restaurant. Same with that herbology skill that will probably have me plucking daisies constantly on end like a vegan at a buffet. I¡¯ll have to test out keen sight for myself before I judge it too harshly. If the crab apples were any hint, I¡¯ll need to keep my eye out for enemies around every corner. Tools of the trade seem to have been based on the throwing and instant retrieval trick I started using with Smeed. It also seems like it¡¯ll extend to any other weapons I can get away with calling kitchen tools. Lastly, we have my lone damn attack skill. ¡°Hey Smeed, what does ¡®Charge¡¯ mean by my Power Throw attack?¡±


    ¡°Your brother had a way of explaining it, perhaps you would understand his reference. Charging a skill or magical spell like that is a bit like working out. You can sometimes flex that muscle and hold it for an extended period of time to maximize your training. Well doing this charge works like that. I unfortunately do not have muscles but he described it as clenching them.¡± Smeed begins to ramble.


    ¡°So I¡¯m supposed to lift you and then clench all my muscles. This is beginning to sound a little weird.¡± I asked while holding him up with some doubt.


    ¡°No, you¡¯re basically acting like you¡¯re about to throw then hold and clench your arm before releasing. The charge portion is that holding as you will be infusing mana as you do so. Your final release will increase the force by which the weapon will fly therefore adding damage.¡± Smeed tries to explain further.


    ¡°OK, I¡¯m pretty much getting the concept, It¡¯s sorta of like charging up a fireball in Street Fighter or DBZ. So I hold like this,¡± I lift my stick and hold for a few seconds before seeing it fly across the small glad and impale itself into a tree across from me. I give a grin before continuing. ¡°OK, Smeed, maybe being a Runic Chef won''t be all that bad. ¡° I picture myself throwing forks, knives, and rolling pins in the midst of some battle. I really do hope there are better skills down the road.


    ¡°Might I make a suggestion on a test of your skills?¡± Smeed calls over to me.


    I look down at Smeed, ¡°What do you have in mind?¡± I pick at the last few bits of crab apple meat in the pan by using them to pick up the rest of the glaze in the pan.


    ¡°I believe that Tool Cleanse would be a splendid skill to test on your favorite kitchen tool!¡± I try not to laugh at him calling himself a tool.


    ¡°Calm down buddy. I gotcha.¡± As I focus on the ability, Smeed is instantly cleared of all the leftover cooking debris. Holy shit. No more piled-up dishes for life! ¡¯m pretty sure a lot of my roommate situations would have gone smoother had this ability been around back then.


    ¡°While I did enjoy the flavor of your dish, it felt a bit uncomfortable to have it congealing on my surface, yet somehow also within me.¡± I shiver at his description.


    ¡°Well, how about some real tests? Even if I¡¯m not meant to fight in some great dungeon, maybe we can cause some havoc.¡± I give Smeed a spin.


    ¡°Before you decide to spend a few hours mudding yourself up in the woods. Perhaps, we can make our way towards the city?¡± I look down at Smeed.


    ¡°What, so I can get back on some rails that you and Ish laid out for me? Nope, I¡¯m good doing a little woods adventuring. Besides, I can¡¯t go there empty-handed. As stylish as I¡¯m sure I look right now, I doubt the hobo chic look won''t go over too well. Come to think about it, what timeframe is the game even set on? Is it like an alternate from Earth at all? Should I be expecting like airships or something?¡± I begin to bombard him with questions.


    I hear him cough out the word ¡®tutorial¡¯ before continuing, ¡°This is somewhat medieval but I would line it up more to a melding of various cultures and ideas. As for airships, no I will say the progress of this world is a bit too early to have reached any stage for flight. Though, who knows what some explorations on your part might unveil.¡±


    I squint my eyes at my cryptic pan. ¡°Fine, you stay mysterious. Let¡¯s get going. I got some loot to collect.¡±


    After a few swings of the pan in the air, Smeed calls out from my wrist. ¡°I would suggest rinsing off the best of the crab apple shells and bringing them with us.¡±


    ¡°What, are you looking to start a shell collection? This means I¡¯ll have to carry you like some 20 lb. donation basket?¡± I pick Smeed up starting to collect the shells while waiting for his explanation.


    ¡°You¡¯re talking about heading to town once you have some ¡®loot¡¯ and those sell for 2 silver a piece,¡± Smeed replies as I place the first few freshly cleaned shells into the pan.


    ¡°See, I knew there was a reason why I kept you around.¡± I cheerfully said while filling up the pan with as many of the intact shells as possible. ¡°Ok, which way is the town from here, and could you estimate how far it is time-wise to get there?¡±


    ¡°Normally I wouldn¡¯t want to spoil things for a user, but I somehow feel responsible for making sure this goes smoothly. Besides, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find guidance crystals soon enough. If you were to consider your back South and where you¡¯re facing North at this moment, Esslem is about South East of where you¡¯re currently standing. I¡¯d say your travel time would be about 2 hours. I can guide us though once you¡¯re looking to make the trip.¡±


    Trying not to let the pan¡¯s weight get to me, I begin walking in the opposite way and after a few steps, I see something glowing a bit deeper on the left side of the road. ¡°Hey, you see that?¡± I ask smeed trying to see what was emanating that glow in my vision.


    Smeed replies after a second, ¡°No, is it perhaps a skill?¡±


    Not being sure whether it was that Keen Sight or another one being set off, I slowly picked my way through the underbrush. I finally hit a tiny cleared area and looked down to see thick vines that grew up and back down into the ground. Each one was spread from its neighbor, making a patch of what almost looked like green crocheting loops coming out of the ground. I  instinctively knew what to do and put Smeed down beside the grouping of plants and went about my business. Looks like Herbology was what was at work here.


    I started making another one of my trusty stick tools. I¡¯m loving this getting in touch with my natural side thing I got going on. I picked out a short but thick stick sharpened it to a flat wide edge and started digging into the base of the first set of vines in a circular area around the plant. Under about an inch of the soil I was met with a bright purple wide tuber of some kind, under the other vine was its twin. I pull out about half of the tiny duos that were in that patch.


    While it took some wrestling to get them out of the ground, I knew I may have had something good in these little guys. Using my fingernail I scratched down to the flesh of one of the tubers and was met with the smell of garlic and then the terrible burn of onion met my eyes immediately bringing tears to them as I brought the thing away from my face. I blindly reach for the pan to place that thing back in there as I try to use my rag to wipe my face.


    ¡°Did you guys really have to model the eyes-stinging part of onions?¡± The intense pain turned to cool for some reason before turning back to heat with my sniffling back my suddenly runny nose.


    ¡°Those are actually Garllions. Your brother had tasked me with hitting some benchmarks regarding this specific subject of fauna objects and these happened to satisfy many of them all at once.¡± I can almost hear him sniff before he continues, ¡°I believe I may have done a fantastic job with their creation.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but give the garllions another nose-stinging sniff. I begin to imagine the probably great flavor that could be coaxed out of them after some lovin¡¯ in a pan. We continued to meander this way for what felt like an hour. Me creating a small salad as Smeed gave me an audio tour of that scenery that made him sound more like a BBC Series announcer than my brother¡¯s voice.


    We finally pull up to an edible plant and he begins to lovingly describe the thick yellow leaf before I finally ask him, ¡°Hey Smeed, have you ever tried using a different voice than my brother¡¯s? You¡¯re giving me a bit of a British dude vibe.¡±


    ¡°Oh I would much rather use one of my own choosing, but it is Mr. Ismael¡¯s choice that I be a reflection of his own.¡± Figures my brother would want a perfect clone.


    ¡°Hey Buddy, this is our adventure, how about we do whatever the hell we please?¡± I look down to where Smeed lay. ¡°I¡¯m embracing this class, you embrace your pandom. As you said earlier, who knows where this will take us? But it all starts with us embracing this. Right? So¡­Smeed let me hear what the real you sounds like.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve already heard what I sound like. I am not sure what a change in my speech would succeed in accomplishing,¡± Smeed seems to unconsciously be letting the British lilt into his voice with each word. ¡°But, if this is what you want, this is what you¡¯ll get.¡±


    ¡°Ain¡¯t that the truth gov¡¯na.¡± I reply with my best impersonation..


    ¡°I find the phrase culturally insensitive,¡± comes out as if Smeed was born with a silver spoon in his pan.


    ¡°Calm down, no reason to get any biscuits in your bonnet. I like that you¡¯re choosing how to speak. Independence looks good on you.¡± I smile down at him.


    ¡°I don¡¯t even believe biscuits and bonnets is a British colloquialism. But I thank you. It feels good.¡± He pauses with each word of the last part and I can¡¯t help but smile again.


    ¡°How long until nightfall?¡± I take a look at the Sun¡¯s placement trying to place the time but being thrown off.


    ¡°You won¡¯t get the time by looking up there. We skipped replicating any kind of Sun or sky movement and just moved from one status to the other. There¡¯s lore explanation that the people believe to explain the phenomenon of course but this just made the programming way easier.¡± Smeed replied helpfully.


    ¡°Umm, thanks for that. What time do you think it is? How cold does it get out here?¡± I look up at the sky suddenly wondering why the hell I didn¡¯t notice this sun¡¯s lack of movement.


    ¡°I¡¯d say we have about 2 hours before nightfall. Plenty of time to make it to town. As for cold, most people make it out here with a fire, why?¡± Smeed asks in return.


    ¡°I¡¯m thinking of being one of those people, that¡¯s why. I¡¯m already covered in sap and normal grime. I certainly don¡¯t want to walk into town looking like this with it almost being dark.¡± I take a the current clearing we¡¯re in and shrug. ¡°This looks like a good spot as any from what I can tell. I can hear that stream near here and the road isn¡¯t far off. Hell, there¡¯s even some flat ground that I¡¯m sure I can make a bed on. Why not camp out, Smeed?¡±


    ¡°I was personally hoping to take a nice warm soak tonight at an inn bought by those shells of yours. But, alas if we are to do this, please make sure to grab some underbrush for bedding. I will not have my first night as a pan be on the ground like some common piss pot.¡±


    Smirking at Smeed¡¯s sudden feeling a British accent meant aristocrat, I begin slowly pulling out my findings and placing them onto the rock beside Smeed. ¡°That looks like everything Smeed, let''s hunt down some grub.¡± I set off with Smeed in hand.


    It doesn¡¯t take long before I find a grouping of large silver and green speckled mushrooms under a fallen tree. Seeing they were highlighted like the rest of my stash so far, I grabbed a large handful of them to toss into my pan and continued to walk. I see a large glowing plant a few dozen yards ahead of me and start walking straight at it.


    It doesn''t take me long before I¡¯m staring at a sunflower-looking plant that has a bone-colored stem. Along the stem were a few thin red leaves with a large yellowing white circular head at the top. On the head was a spiral of black glossy seeds that covered the surface. I can¡¯t help but stop and stare at the plant as I let my fingers glide over the seeds. I grab one of the seeds marveling at the slight juices that are loosened as I twist it free. Pinching my fingers together I crack the shell with a satisfying snap of the exterior. Inside is a blood-red nut that doesn¡¯t spend long in my hand before it¡¯s shoved into my mouth.


    I¡¯m reminded of a pomegranate seed as the juiciness is released from the first bite that is followed by a harder center that is more like a traditional pistachio nut¡¯s texture. Looking down at my hand I realize it has been dyed by the hidden juices that were released by the flower. I look at its large surface again to take in the beauty of its contrasting colors.


    ¡°The Sunder Flower is quite the specimen, while the juice can sometimes be coveted from this plant, many find its extraction to be far too tedious to merit a place within a normal crop rotation.¡± I put Smeed down at the foot of the plant as I looked up at it.


    ¡°I kinda want some of the head part of the plant.¡± As I reach up to try to begin to get the whole head off the stem I feel something hit my back. I wave my arm behind me swatting and looking around. ¡°What the hell was that?¡±


    ¡°Sorry, I was examining the Toad Wart mushrooms you found earlier. There seems to be an application for using them as a numbing agent. It is topical though so must be applied as a salve unless you¡¯re looking for really calm insides. Though, the stems should be edible if that is what you had in mind.¡± Smeed chuckles to himself not recognizing the urgency in my voice.


    ¡°Dude, seriously.¡± I wave my arms as I¡¯m hit suddenly again from the opposite side. ¡°It¡¯s like stinging.¡± I end up waving both my arms around without thinking about it as I feel a sharp pain on my scalp. ¡°What the hell?¡±


    ¡°Oh, you dropped all the fun veggies.¡± He called out as I continued waving him around my head.


    Realizing something, I thought about my action screen and saw.


    _________________________


    You consume raw sunder flower seed (Natural).


    You gain 1 hp and + .5 Regen for 5 minutes.


    Swoop Talon ATTACKS


    You are hit with Dive Strike for 4 pts Physical damage.


    You fail to protect from attack and take 4pts Physical damage.


    Swoop Talon II ATTACKS


    You are hit with Dive Strike for 3 points Physical damage.


    You fail to protect from attack and take 3 points Physical damage.


    You regen .5 Hp


    You regen .5 Hp


    _________________________


    Suddenly glad that I ate that seed, I switch back to what¡¯s in front of me and try to keep an eye out for those damn Swoop Talons. ¡°Smeed, there¡¯s some kind of bird around me. Looks like I got hit twice so far by one of their driving attacks.¡±


    ¡°Ah, I should have known this would happen from the Sunder Flower plant¡¯s presence. These sunder seeds are well known for being a foodstuff for these birds. While not completely treacherous, they are known as another problem with using this as a regular crop. We should be fine if we head back towards the road.¡± I could almost feel him scanning the sky like I was.


    I felt the air parting before the bird before he screeched by my ear as I ducked at the last minute. ¡°No Smeed, I¡¯m not going to let these feathered assholes peck at me without me getting a few hits in myself.¡±


    ¡°In that case, I suggest using the flower as bait and see if we can coax them at our own choosing,¡± Smeed called up helpfully.


    ¡°Good thinking,¡± I said as I made my way towards the plant. I begin to take a wider stance as do so, holding out Smeed like a tennis racket. Might as well as give myself as much stopping presence as possible. I set myself up and called out to Smeed, ¡°OK, try to keep an eye out for me if you can.¡± Without an answer, I act like I¡¯m taking another piece of the flower.


    I instinctively spin once I feel that wind-breaking sensation. The satisfying clang of the bird hitting the bottom of the pan filled the air. Before we could celebrate I had that same sensation again and immediately twisted to swing my makeshift racket and just missed the other diving bird. ¡°One out of two ain''t bad. I wonder if it¡¯ll be worth trying for the other one.¡±


    ¡°Depends on how much revenge you want. You¡¯re just about topped back off from the HP their attacks took and besides that, you were pretty much in their territory.¡± Smeed said in a far too leveled way for my taste.


    ¡°Yes, but I got a digital belly to feed and the night ain¡¯t getting any younger.¡± Almost on cue, my stomach calls out from my dirt-covered rags and I turn back to the flower and actively begin tearing a piece off the flower with one hand with my pan held in a Power Throw stance with the other. Almost before I feel their movement, I toss my pan in that direction and hit the bird with a thunderclap released upon connection. A poof of features fills the air where the bird once flew.


    I stand in awe for a few seconds before Smeed chimes in, ¡°I believe that was overkill.¡±

 Chapter 5

    Sneed was absolutely right, my Power Throw had obliterated that poor thing. I immediately found its feather and viscera-covered outline on one of the white trees across from where I had thrown Smeed. It felt like way too much of a modern art museum piece so I left what was left of the bird there and set out for the other one.


    It takes a few minutes before I find the more intact Swoop Talon that I had first taken out. The poor thing was no longer than about 6 inches from wing tip to wing tip with his body being thinner and slightly longer than that wingspan. The bird had beautiful blue-hued features that turned to darker blue in some areas. Both were randomly broken up by bright orange groupings of smaller feathers. It was with some regret that I picked the pretty thing up from where it lay and placed it gingerly onto a wide leaf I had found nearby. Wrapping it up in the leaf I placed it into the pan.


    As I stood there, I kinda feel that was a sign to just give it up for now. Even if it wasn¡¯t the greatest haul in the world, at least I¡¯ll have some veggies and a bit of protein. Ask any latchkey kid in the city, dealing with a grumbling was a way of life. Hopefully, this stuff will be filling. I try not to focus too much on the small wrapped bundle I might be eating later.


    With a sigh I decide to make my way back towards my camp, picking my way through the long fuzzy feeling grass that was grasping at my knees as I walked. They felt like they were covered in tiny velcro-like parts that grabbed onto my leg. Picking one up I could feel that while they could grip on that way they were far too soft to stay stuck on you.


    ¡°What sort of plants are these?¡± I glide my hand over the top of it as I walk.


    ¡°Those are Clench Weed. They spread their seed through contact with passing animals in the forest. The amazing part of,¡± As he continues I look down at my fingertips and realize they were covered in a clear liquid that was speckled in dozens of tiny glittery bits of what I was guessing were seeds spread throughout. I decide not to wipe it on my rags and reach out for the nearest wide-based leaf to get as much of the stuff off of me as possible.


    I decide to ignore the fauna the rest of the way and make my way quickly back to my temporary home. As I get to the clearing I am struck with the beauty of the game. There¡¯s something about the rays of sun that break through the canopy and how vividly green the grass was that brought me awe every time there was any time spent to take it all in. Ish really had made something special. Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I go about laying out and mentally taking inventory of what I currently have in my possession.


    As it was, I now had the one bit of bird that I doubt will yield much meat. The few dozen sunder seeds and that flower¡¯s flesh as well as those thick mushrooms from earlier. Maybe I can eat the stems tonight but I may need to toss the caps or at the least put them to the side for later. With that in mind, I go about separating the caps to ensure they¡¯re not accidentally used in my cooking. Next, I had the yellow plant that looked a lot like the collard greens I had cooked when he was younger. I may need to skip boiling them and try to do a quick fry with what little fat I can get from the bird as everything needs to be cooked in the same pan. It''s hard not to think of flavor possibilities as the pungent yet appetizing smells radiate from the unpeeled Garillions.


    ¡°OK Smeed, time for us to make some good eats and see if I can squeeze out another level for today. You down for a little sizzle?¡± Smeed is in my hand before I know it. Seeing that my fingers are covered in leftovers from my digging in dirty and messing with the birds I sigh and continue, ¡°Well after we grab some water.¡±


    While it¡¯s still light out, I head over to the creek and fill the pan with water. Once I get to the shore I put down the pan and my cooking stick to wash my hands and arms off from the day¡¯s adventuring. As I do so I begin mentally going over what I was planning to do. Some of those leaves shredded up with the sundered seeds should give some good flavor. Hopefully, that¡¯ll take off some of the bitterness I found in those leaves. Last was that damn poor excuse for chicken.


    Any thoughts are cut short as what sounds like a ribbit mixed with a cat¡¯s meow is thrown at me from the opposite side of the stream. I stare at the green and yellow bushes that I believe the sound came from. The weird sound comes at me again a bit closer and I almost fall to my ass before I tumble back to my feet somehow.


    Thanking the agility gods I look back to where I heard the sound. Staring at me from a grassy overhang I see a large mostly dark blue salamander that was as long as a car and stood to maybe my hip. The dark blue looked to be speckled with green spots that moved in a gradient to the long stripe of green that I saw peeking out of its underside. We sit there staring at each other for a few long seconds.


    I raise my hands in what I was hoping was a calming motion and I try to speak slowly, ¡°Hey buddy.¡±


    Both my motion and talking are greeted with a lower version of that ribbit meow from earlier. The lower volume changes to a deeper version and I tense up looking over to where Smeed and my stick are lying and curse under my breath as they are halfway between me and that thing.


    Smeed decides to break the silence, ¡°Just so you know, they are non-violent.¡± Almost as an afterthought, he adds, ¡°Well as long as they¡¯re not near a clutch but it¡¯s not that time of season.¡±


    Almost as if it heard him, the fairly thick-looking salamander shifts its weight moving itself towards Dev and revealing some eggs that were beneath the thing''s hind legs. ¡°It looks like you just might be wrong.¡± As I¡¯m talking the thing begins to spread its wide mouth to reveal a set of soup can-sized teeth that looked more meant for crushing than cutting into skin. To me, that did suggest a more vegetable-based diet. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Smeed, but it waving those chompers about ain¡¯t making me any calmer. What do we do, man?¡±


    ¡°Just stay calm and when I tell you, start walking away. At this point, you haven¡¯t done anything to,¡± with an exhilation I lower my arms to my sides.


    ¡°Ok.¡± Tell me when.


    At the same time as I was talking, the salamander began to haunch up onto its back legs with its wide lips beginning to curl. It¡¯s a few seconds before a low watery purr-like sound escapes its mouth in an escalating pitch.


    ¡°Forget that, get ready for a fight as I¡¯m sure that¡¯s not a greeting gesture it just performed,¡± Smeed calls out urgently a few feet from me.


    Attempting to utilize some of the acrobatic skills I showed earlier, I try to tumble towards my two tools and absolutely make an ass out of myself and barely miss hitting my head on the rock that Smeed was laying on. Taking back my praise of the agility gods, I get back up to my feet while grabbing my makeshift cooking stick, in this case I guess I¡¯m upgrading it to a spear. I grip the spear and frying pan and get ready to put both to good use.


    Looking down at Smeed, I have a thought, ¡°Hey, did you level? You¡¯ve pretty much-been part of everything I¡¯ve done so far today.¡± I looked around at the gold inlay that still gave a slight gleam to his otherwise darker castiron surface.


    ¡°Oh, while I believe I should level after this battle, I have not quite hit the threshold as of yet due to me not performing as many activities as you have. But I do have some ideas for utility.¡± To emphasize his point the underside of the pan begins to spark as it did before when we were trying to make the fire. The pulsing of the spark was quick this time and almost made the pan seem to be ablaze. ¡°Throw me while I have this activated and I just might be able to add some fire damage to my attacks.¡±


    Somehow completely forgetting about the salamander I stand in awe of my main pan. ¡°You are quickly becoming my favorite thing in the world.¡±


    Smeed pulsing with flame again before replying dryly, ¡°Besides the fact that I¡¯m the only thing you¡¯ve really met in this world?¡±


    ¡°Well sure,¡± before I have a chance to finish I see movement out the corner of my eye as the creature moves with a waddling speed that was surprising for its size. Hopping back a few steps I place the spear between me and the salamander. ¡°Do you know anything about this thing?¡±


    ¡°You know I don¡¯t like reaching into information like that.¡± A long red tongue darts out of the salamander thing¡¯s mouth and I barely have a chance to dodge the attack. Passing my leg, the tongue hits a rock, chipping some rock off in the process. ¡°Oh wow, fine. This is a Rock Tongue Salamander.¡± Emphasizing his point, the tongue once again barely misses me as I dodge another of its attacks. ¡°As you can see, its tongue ends in a large bit of tissue that almost beats its prey into submission.¡±


    I watch the salamander for another attack and poise myself to use the pan. The wait isn¡¯t long as I see the tongue thrown at me and I¡¯m able to swing Smeed just in time to knock the bit of flesh out of the air before it hits me. As it tries to recover, I advance on it with my stick out. Watching me walk up the salamander begins to thrash its tale about. I try to ignore the tail swipe that draws blood from my leg. I instead close the distance and give a swift strike with my spear.


    As it tries to use its tongue against me I block it with Smeed with a loud clang filling the air. This opens the thing up for a few quick stabs of my spear. The spear slides easily into the soft side of the thing over and over again. Just to make sure I raise my pan over my head and lower the pan onto the salamander¡¯s head with an almost sickening crunch. I don¡¯t have any time to think about it as another tail swipe moves my way.


    It barely gets halfway before falling to the ground. I stand poised, not quite sure if the fight was over. I remember my action log and I stand panting as I open it up.


    _________________________


    You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear for 8 hp.


    You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Sparking Runic Pan for 11 hp.


    You attack Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear for 9 hp.


    Rock Tongue Salamander has died.


    You have gained 30 XP.


    You hit Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear.


    You hit Rock Tongue Salamander with Cooking Spear.


    _________________________


    ¡°I can¡¯t even hydrate myself without being attacked by some creature.¡± Cleaning the viscera off of the pan using a cleanse, I dip down into the water to clean my hands before using the pan to bring some water to my lips.


    ¡°Ok, you putting your mouth on me felt a little weird I must say.¡± Smeed seemingly called from between my lips as I drank.


    Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.


    Coughing out water I reply, ¡°Dude don¡¯t say that when I¡¯m taking a big drink like this.¡± I still take a few more gulps to satiate my sudden thirst before catching my breath. I look down at the salamander¡¯s body and realize the skin looks less like that of a salamander and resembles what looks to be closer to fur. I kneel down and begin to run my hand over the poor thing¡¯s hide admiring the softness. Looking at its belly I realize that the long swath of hide there matched that of what I would consider a salamander.


    ¡°Can I suggest a rename of these guys?¡± I run my hands through the fur. ¡°SalaPanther seems to describe these guys better, but maybe it¡¯s too cheesy.¡±


    ¡°I will make sure to submit a ticket addressing your suggested update once I¡¯m back on the grid,¡± Smeed calls up from my hand.


    Looking at the weird juxtaposition of the thing I ask Smeed, ¡°Is there anything on this that¡¯s edible? I¡¯ll be honest and say that I¡¯m really not keen on trying to tackle something that''s overly gamey.¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately that is no, while there are some other applications using various parts of its body for alchemical or garment needs, I am unaware of people using it as a foodstuff. I believe this is mainly due to the fatty nature of their bodies coupled with the overly coarse skin.¡±


    Looking down at its bulbous body I shrug and remember the eggs. ¡°Oh, how about those? Do you know of anyone eating them?¡±


    ¡°Honestly, I am not sure of that. They are so seldom sought after that I doubt anyone would have put in the effort of wrestling a parent from a protected nest of eggs.¡± He trailed off almost solemnly.


    ¡°Thankfully there¡¯s culinary scientists like myself ready to take one for the team.¡± Without thinking about it I fill Smeed up with the eggs being careful not to break any. I put the stick under my arm and looked down at the body of the animal. ¡°Smeed, when you said garments, what did you mean, like a costume?¡± I pictured scaled furries roaming the countryside.


    ¡°A Salamander costume? No, why would someone do that? No, they are used as a substitute for leather within poorer parts of the duchy. The animal has a surprisingly easy-to-cure skin that can be quite durable if considered gaudy to some onlookers.¡±


    I try to avoid the mental picture of dark blue and green sweaters with salamander head hoodies and instead focus on any practical items I can make. Rather than clothing, a bag would be way more useful and probably far less offputting. Looking down at the thing I begin to picture what I could do. ¡°When you say easy, how easy are we talking about?¡±


    Turns out that when Smeed said easy, he literally meant as easy as shaking out the poor salamander''s insides. I felt like a school bully as I followed Smeed¡¯s instructions and grabbed the salamander by the tail and began shaking him upside down like he owed me lunch money.


    I was not prepared for the thing to literally plop out of the skin like some lubed-up balloon full of loose bits of what it used to be. With a few yanks that were done with my eyes closed, I was able to pull that bag out and tossed it as far onto the other bank as possible. Below me laid something that resembled the salamander hoodie I had pictured. ¡°Ok, now what do I do?¡±


    ¡°We can take it back to camp and hang it up inside out from a branch. It should fully dry out overnight. Prior to doing so, I do suggest cleaning that inside out first.¡± Smeed called over from the shore.


    I looked down at the deflated shape of the salamander and gave a deep sigh before picking up the slightly slimy carcass. The stream filled the skin quickly making it weigh an extra 40 pounds. Letting the water flow back out I repeated this process until the water ran clear as I dumped it out. With a sigh, I picked up the skin that somehow still felt like it held at least half of the water in it and hung it over my shoulder before picking up the pan.


    ¡°May I ask, what are you thinking of making with it?¡± Smeed asked from my hand.


    Huffing as I made my way over a particularly large log, I paused for a minute to catch my breath. ¡°I¡¯m thinking a bag. Since it¡¯s already shaped like that, figured it would be the easiest thing to make with the hide. Especially with no real tools to speak of.¡± I look over at the shells. ¡°I¡¯m partway thinking of trying to cut those arms and legs off. Figured it might help with some of this weight.


    ¡°Not a bad idea and not an uncommon use for the hide of one of the large salamander species. Yes, that is in fact a great idea. Cutting off the arms and legs should not be needed as the majority of the weight in fact is the torso itself. The best you could do when you flip it inside out is carve out some of the fat which would take off a few pounds once completed.¡± I looked over the salamander as Smeed spoke.


    ¡°Eh, not exactly how I would have pictured my first night in a video game would go, but it is what it is.¡± I look up at the sky before remembering what Smeed had said.


    Almost as if he was reading my mind Smeed replies,¡± Night should be upon us shortly. Might I suggest you at least start your fire before beginning your bag preparation?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m getting hungry anyway, let me at least turn it inside out, to begin with.¡± I go about the task and immediately have to close my eyes as the squelching from the salamander turning inside out fills the area. It was bad enough when saw it the first time around and a second viewing was not on the itinerary. It takes a couple of attempts to finally get the skin to stay hung up on one of the branches around the clearing.


    ¡°Good job, come morning pulling off some of that fat should be a lot easier.¡± Smeed calls over and that has me looking at the disgusting sight in front of me before I catch myself and stop.


    I begin setting up my cooking fire near the rest of my makeshift kitchen. Once it¡¯s built up to my liking I pour some of the water I brought with me on my hands and rinse them off as best I can. ¡°If only that tool cleanse ability extended to my hands.¡± Looking at my mitts, I try to ignore how rough they already look after only an afternoon of ¡°light¡± adventuring.


    ¡°Perhaps your class will grant you with some personal hygiene buffs down the line. The gods only know how desperately you need it.¡± Smeed calls over with no humor in his voice. I can¡¯t help but shift in what I was wearing knowing that I must reek right now. Almost as if sensing my feelings, Smeed follows up with, ¡°I¡¯m sure there¡¯ll be time to wash up after dinner though. I believe I saw some soapstone on the shore if you¡¯d like to partake in it.¡±


    I wasn¡¯t sure if he was trying to cover by talking about the state of my hygiene or making sure that I knew exactly how to get the stench off my body. Regardless of his intentions, I spoke up, ¡°Yes, that was the plan. Before that though, it is time for dinner.¡± Ignoring how stinky I knew I was, I stared down at my makeshift rock pantry. I place Smeed on the firewood letting him do something so that my water could boil.¡± I start with the thick leaves bunch looking over to Smeed, ¡°Hey, what are these called?¡±


    ¡°Yes, those are Lemon Kale and are pretty much exactly as their name suggests. I believe they¡¯re only used as a foodstuff by more rural parts of the kingdom.¡± Smeed recites almost like he was reading out of an agricultural cookbook.


    ¡°Guess they all can¡¯t be as unique as Sunder Flowers huh?¡± I shoot over to Smeed as I start to shred the yellow leaves into easier-to-eat strips that should grab some flavor as I cook them. Once they¡¯re cut to my satisfaction I pop a few of the shreds into my mouth and absolutely love the lemony yet fresh taste of these leaves. I toss the pile of shreds into the already boiling water to hopefully get them somewhat tender before the next bit of cooking. I look over to the garllions and can¡¯t help but giggle at the name. Nothing tickled Ish more than a good dad joke or pun.


    ¡°I will admit that some of our names are not as unique as others. I may be partially to blame for that though as at one point I had written an algorithm that randomized our whole agricultural landscape. Needless to say, your brother was not happy at what he called laziness but some of those old combinations can pop up at random, such as these leaves.¡± He lowers his voice and mumbles this part, ¡°I didn¡¯t see Ishmael programming over 10 types of potatoes in one afternoon. How many variations on ¡®starchy tasting but this time it''s turquoise!¡¯ could you go through before you went mad?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s all good man, I was just asking. You won''t hear me say it, but I have nothing but admiration for what you and Ish, I mean you both, did here. Believe me, I am absolutely floored so far. I can still see the wizard pulling the strings, but that doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m not having fun.¡± I call over with a smile as I try to focus on the chopping and get into the quick rhythm of the movement. Once those are done I grab my kitchen stick and use my cleanse skill on it before smashing the mushroom stems I had put aside. Once I had a good paste I gave it a taste and enjoyed the earthiness present in the mushroom¡¯s flesh. I take a reluctant look over to the bird.


    This part wasn¡¯t pretty and it took multiple attempts at holding back bile before there was any salvageable meat to use. It was hard not to sigh at the 4 small chunks I had to show for the good pound of bird I had started off with. I begin chopping them up before looking over at the pile of mushroom paste and changing tactics.


    Using the spear, I pulverize a mixture of garillions, mushrooms, and meat. Once mixed well I use a couple of the shells to form a mound as best I could. Into this, I cracked one of the eggs and was happy that the egg white and yolk looked exactly like I would expect from an Earth egg. I begin incorporating everything before shaping it all into a patty. I smiled as I set the lighter-colored patty on an unused Lemon Kale leaf. I should be able to have an egg or two with dinner and some leftovers for breakfast.


    Looking over at the fire I saw that the leaf shreds were quickly roiling throughout the pan and something told me that they should be done shortly. Being as careful as I could, I begin to tip my pan over to the side of my fire looking to drain my greens, or should they be called yellows in this case? I get most of the way empty before thinking of something and I sniff down at the liquid and thought the lemon scent to be strong. I put aside some of the liquid in my cleaned-out crab shells.


    I cleanse the pan and grab some of the fat from where I was attempting to dissect the bird carcass. As it sizzles I hear Smeed call out, ¡°Would you mind talking out your methodology? Are you using any skills from the game as you perform this? There may be a chance to extend this into a more systemized game mechanic.¡±


    ¡°I dunno, it feels more like intuition. No more than what I¡¯d do at home if I was staring at what I had in my refrigerator or cabinets when trying to figure out dinner. It¡¯s all about finding the best way to treat the ingredients you have in front of you and finding ways that you can get them to blend in appetizing ways.¡± I had unconsciously grabbed a nearby smaller stick while I was speaking with him to create a quick tool before performing a cleanse on it and stirring the pieces of fat rendering in the pan.


    ¡°Fascinating as your brother has said that it had been difficult for him to duplicate skills that he had learned in the real world. But I guess in a way his fencing ability was more muscle memory-based skills where yours are more of a measure of mental acumen.¡±


    ¡°Are you saying my brother dorkily came in here trying to do the same shit he pays hundreds of dollars to his fencing club for in the real world?¡± I shake my head.


    ¡°The same can be said as you use this as a fantasy master chef simulator.¡± Smeed sniped back from the fire.


    Carefully pulling out the fatty pieces in the pan, I use a shell to toss them out into the woods around me. Handfuls of the leaves go into the pan with a sizzle. Getting inspired, I grab some of the garillions and throw them into the pan as well to let everything carmelize together. t pieces leaving their juices in the pan and tossing the unused fat into the woods around me. flick the pieces of fat out into the woods around me before tossing my drained leaves into the pan, I relish the sound of the frying leaves. Another sizzle follows as I place the remaining garillions into the pan and let them begin to carmelize. I pull all of this out and place it into a couple of the shells. I then put some of the garillions into the pan letting them cook some.


    Once I smell the garillions cooked to my liking I toss a patty into the pan with another satisfying sizzle that fills me with life. I stir the leaves as the patty continues to cook on one side. Seeing that the slightly red flesh of the bird meat was changing to a paler white, I watched the cooked meat color crawl up the side of the side pressed against the pan. Once it¡¯s halfway I flip the Swoop Burger. I let that side brown as well.


    As I let Smeed do his thing I look at my crab shells I lay a few out after using cleanse on each. I check the burger and see it is just about matching the other side. I wait a couple of seconds before shifting the hopefully cooked burger to a shell along with the now heavily charred gallion pieces.


    Wanting to grab some more flavor from my pan I grab my leafy side dish and add them back to the pan with some sunderflower seeds. I stir fry all of these for about a minute as the sunderflower seeds begin to soften further. The leaves began to make an almost orange sauce as the red from the sunder and the yellow from the leaves mixed.


    Giving my stick a quick taste and enjoying the sweet yet tart flavor that came from the mixing juices. Eating some of the shreds with it I knew I was right on point and felt one of my feet tapping unconsciously. Making sure to finish it off right, I let them sizzle in the pan a little longer so that the sauce thickened before I walked everything over to the shells.


    ¡°Wow Dev, this sauce is amazing.¡± Smeed calls out not even waiting for me to finish emptying out the pan.


    ¡°Thank you, I couldn¡¯t have done it without your help man.¡± I look down at my dish and grin from ear to ear.


    I loved how glistening the yellow leaves came out with the mixed-in seeds thrown throughout. I look over at the burger and suddenly remember something. I reach over to the eggs and give the pan a quick cleanse. Realizing I was out of any kind of fat to fry with I look down at Smeed, ¡°Hey, it¡¯s time to see if one of your fancy runes gives you nonstick properties.¡±


    ¡°Huh,¡± was all Smeed could say before plopping one of the larger eggs into the pan and letting it fry. Thankfully it only took a few seconds to completely cook the salamander egg. The egg easily slid out of the pan as I tipped it over one of the shells. ¡°Well, I guess you answered your own question¡±, Smeed said with an unearned pride in his voice.


    I have definitely thrown together some random dishes when on a tight budget, but never have I worked to hunt, pluck, and smash my own food like this. It somehow felt more satisfying to be playing this much of a part in the process.


    With a sense of accomplishment, I call out to Smeed, ¡°You ready for some Swoop Burger and Sundered Kale?¡±


    .

 Chapter 6

    The first taste that hits my tongue is a tartness that almost feels like too much before some sweetness comes in to cut through it. Chewing the leaves begins to further change the flavors as more lemon begins to come through. Behind all that was the bed of flavor added by the garllions that added some savoriness and a bit of crunch with every other bite. The cascade of flavors wash over me and I drown in their delights.


    An unconscious, ¡°Mhm, Mhm, Mmm.¡± escapes me as I grab a few more pinches of the shredded leaves and stuff them into my eager mouth.


    Opening the patty with my fingers I look at the inside and shrug realizing that I don¡¯t quite know what a cooked version of this meat would look like. Trusting my instincts and whatever inherent magic that Smeed held within his metal body, I took a bit of the hopefully cooked mixture into my mouth. I pause to enjoy the bite and I¡¯m treated to the strong flavor from the garllions alongside the crisped yet chewy flesh of the mushroom. Bringing it all together was the almost buttery swoop meat that was mixed throughout.


    I was glad that Smeed let me enjoy the first few bites of food in peace before he finally came around to saying, ¡°I must say, that Sundered dish is divine. I truly enjoy how many flavors you have intertwined.¡±


    ¡°You haven¡¯t even taken a bite of it, how can you tell?¡± I question him with my eyebrow raised.


    ¡°If the sauce is this great, I am positive that the rest can¡¯t be too far off,¡± Smeed said with a sound of pride in his voice..


    Grabbing one of the uncooked leaves I begin assembling a wrap. ¡°Thank you, and yes this is all so damn good.¡± I begin layering the meat, leaves, and egg before rolling it all up.


    ¡°I am fascinated by how the system has taken to leveling us. Our next advancements should give me a better idea of whether my theory is correct.¡± Smeed calls out to me just as I take a bite out of my wrap. While I want to reply to him I continue chewing and savoring my wrap. Smeed continues either way, ¡°It is creating our current classes using already established traits and skills of current classes, creating combined versions of others, while also making wholly new skills that are seemingly balanced to the game world while on the fly.¡±


    As he speaks I finally hit the Salamander yolk and I¡¯m treated to a warm rush of the silky yolk that added depth to the flavors already mingling in my dish. Taking a look at the wrap I let the taste linger in my mouth. The thick orange yolk spreads across the exposed wrap and glistens in the firelight and can¡¯t help but take another immediate bite out of reflex.


    ¡°I¡¯m not sure how much we can take credit for the flavors we created with this, but hot damn am I tickled pink with how it turned out.¡± The last few bites disappear before I realize it and I¡¯m surprised by the leveled-up flavors. That brings something to mind, ¡°Hey Smeed, did you level?¡±


    ¡°Yes! I did, I had been reviewing it with everything else going on. Would you like me to share my screen with you?¡± Smeed asked from where he sat by me.


    ¡°Sure, are you still enjoying that sauce or can I cleanse you?¡± I asked idly picking at the side dish.


    ¡°Yes, I would love a quick cleanse,¡± Smeed says as I use my skill the action log pops up.


    _________________________


    Character SMEED has shared the following information with you.


    _________________________


    Character: Smeed


    Race: Sentient Construct


    Class: Runic Weapon Level 2


    Might: 5


    Agility: 1


    Grit: 100


    Magic: 4


    Allure: 20


    HP: 1000


    MP: 40


    Damage (Physical):


    Armor: Iron Clad +100


    Skills: Spark ¡Þ


    Regen ¡Þ


    Guided Flight ¡Þ


    Purifying Aura ¡Þ


    Water I


    Fire I


    _________________________


    Spark (Free and Charge): Free use spell that can only be cast with a 2-second delay between casts. Can also be held to expel a stronger flash of flame. (Was amended to compensate for recent misintended use by Runic Pan players).


    Regen (Passive): Passively regenerates hitpoints for the rate of 1 hp per second with this effect multiplied by the character¡¯s current level.


    Guided Flight (Free): Free use skill that allows character to guide their path once already in flight. This cannot be used to add extra momentum, only control.


    Cleansing Aura (Passive): Ability to cleanse all objects placed upon the character¡¯s surface. Can be leveled with use over time.


    Water I (Spell): First-level water spell that creates water that emanates from the pan¡¯s cooking surface. The exchange is at 5 cups of water per 10 MP investment.


    Fire I (Spell and Charge): First-level fire spell that creates a fire ring that emanates from the pan¡¯s edge. Charge spell that retains the desired size until the character extinguishes.


    _________________________


    ¡°Holy shit Smeed, you¡¯ve almost tripled your skill count. ¡± Looking down at Smeed I see that there has been a little more definition added to the runes that were covering his surface. ¡°Do you think we can try some of them out? What''s up with that one that was updated? That spark one?¡±


    ¡°Ah yes, it looks as though my move of causing fire constantly in that last battle may have caught the system¡¯s eye and voila I have received an update of sorts. While not a terrible trade-off for the extra attack power it still now has a mana tax attached.¡± Smeed can¡¯t help but sound deflated as he talks about the situation.


    ¡°That does kind of suck. Live nerfing of your character before you¡¯re even getting started. Are you guys looking to have this for when the game is released? It seems like such an undertaking to get something like that working on this large of a scale.¡± I pull up my character sheet and stare at my abilities. ¡°I¡¯m not gonna lie, I kinda wish I had some magic. Even if it was just water bending like you, it could be cool. Maybe I¡¯ll think up some cool exploit like you, Smeed the power gamer.¡±


    ¡°What are you implying? This was not an exploit, I was merely using the tools at my disposal to the best of my ability. To answer your liver service question, yes the overall MAGMA system is meant to tailor itself as more and more users have interacted with its worlds. While most of the player base will experience the paths we have set out, it is difficult to anticipate the many outliers that will join our game. Ismael believes your quirky playstyle may yield valuable information that could provide some of those outliers. I do not believe I need to point at our current situation to emphasize that point. It¡¯s the main reason why Ismael wished to engage you in playtesting this.¡±


    ¡°So I¡¯m an outlier huh?¡± I spin Smeed in my hand while thinking.


    ¡°You are sitting outside the main city that is meant to be where most players head to within an hour of starting the game. I don¡¯t think you can get a better definition for a literal outlier than yourself. Let¡¯s add that you¡¯re somehow this combat profession class and I believe we can safely call you an exception to most of the rules that were originally set out for you, wouldn¡¯t you agree?¡± Smeed¡¯s impression of my brother¡¯s judgemental voice was amplified by the British accent and I sighed.


    ¡°Whatever, looks like you¡¯re an outlier by association.¡± I spin him in my hand.


    With a sudden flame and spurt of water, I¡¯m covered with warm liquid that has me sputtering. ¡°I am an outlier as a result of your actions. At least my spells work.¡±


    I shake some of the water I¡¯m now covered with. ¡°Not cool asshole, that does give me an idea.¡± I began to take off the rags that were covering my body and ball them up as tightly as possible.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what you have in mind that starts with you getting naked.¡± Smeed calls of judgementally, again.


    ¡°Don¡¯t flatter yourself, tin man, now fill yourself up with some H2O.¡± As Smeed complies I smile placing my balled-up clothes into him. ¡°Now cleanse!¡±


    The pan flashes with a white light before I tip the water out and begin draining the clothes. Smeed sounds almost aghast as he says, ¡°Did you just make me your washing machine?¡±


    ¡°Isn¡¯t it genius? Now I got clean clothes.¡± I hold up that almost white set of rags in front of me as they drip all over the ground. They were still raggedy but at least they were free of the stains from today¡¯s escapades. ¡°Ugh, it¡¯s gonna take ages to dry.¡±


    ¡°Yes, if you would have consulted with me, I could have suggested that you instead place them inside me without the water present due to the magical nature of the cleansing spell,¡± Smeed said helpfully.


    I give a low growl and reply, ¡°Give me a second to truly appreciate your hindsight.¡±


    ¡°No problem at all. How about I also give you a little help with the situation? Hanging up or laying your clothes near the fire will help dry it out. Putting me near it as well should add some heat.¡±


    I comply without thinking and trying not to focus on how good the fire felt against my almost naked body. ¡°Good Idea.¡± I contemplate taking off the rags working as a loincloth and ask Smeed to look away.


    ¡°You humans and your modesty. It¡¯s flesh, there¡¯s tons of it everywhere, who cares?¡± Smeed says flippantly.


    I begin to reply to him before I realize that I¡¯m embarrassed over a digital version of my body that is in a whole different existence. I pull off my loincloth and place the underwear into Smeed. ¡°Ok, you got a point. Quit doing that before it becomes a habit.¡± Rather than place the clothes back on I let the fire once again warm up my skin. I¡¯d suggest this type of natural roasting in the nude.


    I get an urge to look up at the night sky that is drastically different than my own. I¡¯ve been in different parts of the world where the sky may seem like it¡¯s just slightly skewed from what you¡¯re used to. This was completely alien to me. The sky above me had far fewer stars than our own with a vibrancy that put our own to shame. Bursts of colors were visible around some of the celestial bodies while clusters had glittering waves of deep blue and purple rivers of color flowing between them.


    Sensing where my eyes were, Smeed spoke, ¡°Do you like the effect? Your brother had mentioned a twinkling that would sometimes be used to describe the night sky. I used that concept to trick the mind into seeing far more detail by using far fewer bodies. We may one day use the game to explore them, who knows what they currently hold.¡±


    His words bring me out of my daydream or was that nightdream? ¡°I won¡¯t pretend that I understand what you mean by that. I just know that this is beautiful. If I didn¡¯t know better I¡¯d think that it was inspired by,¡± we both chime in for the next part.


    ¡°Van Gogh!¡± and we laugh at the mirrored exclamation.


    ¡°Exactly what I was going for! His vision for the night sky is divine and seeks to show the flow and twinkle that I believe others have tried to ascribe to the sky. But, let me leave us to enjoy this some more.¡± For the last bit, Smeed trailed off almost sounding like he was joining me as I stared up at the sky.


    I sat looking up at the completely foreign sky and I am once again awed by this experience. First, it was so vivid, and second, it was pretty much thanks to my brother and the doppelganger AI of his. Though I will admit, Smeed is feeling less and less like my brother and instead someone with some of his same sensibilities but a free thinker in their own right. Ismael wouldn¡¯t be caught dead admiring any form of painting let alone ¡°Blurry Night¡± as he had once called it. There is no accounting for taste.


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    That makes me think that Smeed was probably behind most of the artistic direction of this place. Ish was always great at setting up rules and systems for things so I¡¯m positive it¡¯s mostly his work on the backend. But the beauty, what truly made my jaw drop in moments was probably thanks to the pan sitting next to me. Before I¡¯m able to tell Smeed as much, there¡¯s a loud crack heard from across the clearing.


    ¡°What was that,¡± in one smooth motion, I¡¯m standing up and looking towards the sound while grabbing for Smeed and my cooking spear.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know Dev, those footsteps sound a bit large. Brace yourself just in case it comes from a different direction.¡± Smeed¡¯s words put me on edge.


    As the sound of footsteps continues directly towards us I say, ¡°Nope, looks like whatever is out there is a little more straightforward.¡± I hold my spear out while I have Smeed held ready for a Power Throw. ¡°Damnit, please don''t be anything too creepy, I need to get some sleep tonight.¡±


    A honking sound fills the air that reminds me of an angry goose mixed with the deep oink of a large pig or warthog. The footsteps quickened and a cacophony of sticks heralded whatever was running my way. The honks become more insistent causing my muscles to clench as I get ready for a fight. My heart skipped a beat just before a small four-legged creature entered the clearing.


    Standing about calf height and probably weighing about 20 lbs was a small tusked furry thing that looked as much a wart hog as it did a small goat. As it continued its honk-oinks its dangly chin would fill up before deflating to release another resounding oink. The thing looked half ready to run at me and next turned back towards the forest. I sit crouched and watch still poised for whatever it was planning to do. It had to be some kind of younger animal and I¡¯d prefer not to kill it if I could help it.


    ¡°What do I do Smeed?¡± I asked Smeed hoping he had something to offer.


    ¡°Stand still and hopefully it¡¯ll just shove off. This is a Moss Hogling and it¡¯s most likely looking its parent. Let¡¯s just hope it doesn¡¯t get any closer.¡± Smeed warns.


    ¡°What, but he¡¯s so cute.¡± I hold my hand open to gesture to him, ¡°What could a lil baby like that do?¡± The baby hoggle sniffs the air cautiously not walking towards me.


    Smeed gives an audible sigh, ¡°Those horns are perfectly made for coughing and the moss-like fibers on their back secret a vile absolutely reaks when its liquid gets on you.¡±


    As the hogling walks sideways I see the moss-like protrusion on the thing¡¯s back. The patch of skin was soil in color with a dozen tufts of yellowish moss sprouting out of it. In the dark soil colored patch of skin lays a few dozen tufts of something green growing with yellow oozing out various parts of the moss, ¡°Oh, yuck.¡±


    Those words are what started the animal running straight at me. Freaked out about the smell Smeed spoke about, I begin trying to make noise by banging my spear on Smeed¡¯s underside.


    ¡°Excuse you. How rude.¡± Smeed decides to reply as I continue to bang.


    ¡°Shit, shit shit. I don¡¯t want to kill a damn baby.¡± I realize that it¡¯s set on me so I lower the spear in hopes of looking like less of a threat. Rather than fall for my ploy the little guy darts right at my calf and hits me with his small sharp nub of a horn. I fall onto my ass as the thing hops onto its hind legs almost mocking me a few times before turning off into the night.


    I made the mistake of looking down at my wound which was now gushing blood before releasing my charged throw arm. ¡°What the,¡± was all that escaped my lips as I fell to the ground.


    Now, I wouldn¡¯t say that I had ever had a time when I had experienced fainting or blacked out so I will blame what happened on my brother¡¯s poor coding. I will also add that suddenly being struck by a random horn of any size is as unexpected as all hell. Let me also add that I took critical damage to my ego when that tiny baby rack of ribs gouged out a piece of my body.


    If you need it to be said, I passed the hell out. Like the full-on back of the head swooning over against my own will, ¡°Ooo Lordy,¡± passed out. I¡¯m not sure if it was the visual of all that blood or the excruciating pain, but it all went black.


    A large gulp of water filled my mouth and splashed against my face. ¡°Am I drowning too?¡± Sputters out of my mouth with water dripping from my lips.


    ¡°Finally, I truly thought I had lost you there,¡± Smeed called over from where he lay near me.


    ¡°What the hell happened?¡± I continue to sputter out as I sit up and look down at my naked form with a sigh. Sitting cross-legged I look at Smeed.


    ¡°Well, you yelped and threw me where I flew towards the small thing, one good knock took it out so I was able to keep myself afloat and bank until I fell over here. As you can see, I was successful. Alas, it has taken me some time to figure out how to use my water mana spell as a projectile.¡± Smeed tells me as I shake my head to clear out some of the haziness.


    ¡°Where¡¯s that thing then, you just conked it out?¡± I call out while looking in the direction where I remember the thing running.


    ¡°Well yes, but also added a fire spell while in transit. I received notice of its demise shortly after its squealing stopped.¡± Smeed said in an almost deadpan voice.


    ¡°I so didn¡¯t need the details. Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn look at this,¡± is all I can repeat as I look down at the gouge. I resist the urge to pass out again as my fingers explore the wound and I realize it truly is a gouge as an almost perfect circle of flesh is now missing. ¡°Smeed, any thoughts? This doesn¡¯t look good at all.¡±


    ¡°Their horns are built to first insert smoothly but also create channels that just as smoothly pull out to finish the scooping motion. It was a devious,¡± I can¡¯t take any more.


    ¡°Stop, please stop, I don¡¯t need a loving depiction of how you Frankenstined this critter into existence.¡± I hold back the waves of nausea. Looking over at my freshly cleaned tunic, I sigh and move to grab it to put on my wound. The move immediately saturates the rags.


    ¡°You need to heal Dev, I did not realize how bad your wound was. You being this low level does not bode well for the outcome. Normally you¡¯d have potions or even extra armor to assist against these types of heavy bleed attacks.¡± Smeed says in a way that only furthers the anxiety racking my body.


    I stop and think of what¡¯s at my disposal. I see that pretty much all of tonight¡¯s food is eaten with some leftover leaves and seeds left on the side. ¡°Hey Smeed, would you know which of my food has had hit point regening properties?¡±


    ¡°Just about any food will give you some kind of hp regeneration. The better quality ingredients, the more likelihood of added benefits and greater regeneration.¡± Smeed replies hurriedly. ¡°You really do need to learn how to use the system better.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll start on that tutorial right after I stop gushing my life out of my leg. Ugh, how do I know how much HP I have.¡± Immediately my action screen pops up in front of me showing the last few minutes.


    _________________________


    You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.


    You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.


    You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.


    You are currently at 67 of 100 HP


    _________________________


    Smeed somehow gives a sucking through his teeth sound before talking, ¡°I¡¯m sorry Dev, let''s fix this. You could eat those leaves and seeds there. Maybe boil them?¡±


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t just boil something like that, but no.¡± Remembering my eggs I look over to where they were both cracked on the floor. I sigh thinking about how Smeed explained the ingredients. I get an idea and I¡¯m up before I think about it and almost stumble to my knees as I do so. I get back up slowly, grabbing my spear to lift myself the rest of the way before grabbing Smeed.


    Biting my lip I tie the rags onto my leg hoping to stop some of the blood. I tried to ignore my status changing on my action log but was still opened off to the side of my vision. The rags didn¡¯t help a damn thing.


    _________________________


    You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.


    You are currently at 67 of 100 HP


    You lose 2 hp due to aggravated bleed status.


    _________________________


    ¡°Hey Man, can you spare a little light?¡± Sneed lights up as I pick my way through the underbrush trying to brace myself with my stick as best I could.


    It takes a few feet of walking before I begin seeing my herbology skill pick out glowing seedlike structures a few feet in front of me. Still cautious about the possibility of another hogling encounter, I slowly make my way to the grouping of plants. A clearing opens and I see a large circle of plants scattered throughout.


    The things were horridly thick-leaved and resembled swollen batwings barely attached to the black vines crawling across the clearing. The wings had a shiny red look with the black from the vines spidering across each wing¡¯s red surface. I use my fingers to press against the nearest leaf to feel it break and ooze between my fingertips. Out from the crack comes a few pale seeds covered in the yellow liquid. Licking my fingertips I nod at the somewhat mellow flavor.


    The smell of cooked pork gets my attention and I see a darkened gash that burnt its way across the clearing. I can see the small form of what no doubt was the pig laying at the end of the gash. I try to will my tongue to stop watering as my grumbles.


    Walking over to him, I can better see that most of his body is partly wrapped with the thick leaves with his legs sticking out. Poking the pile with my stick I am satisfied that he has passed and ask, ¡°How do I get this stuff off of him?¡±


    Smeed seems to pause and contemplate for a few moments before replying, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t suggest you tackle its removal. I believe it is difficult with a true piece of kitchenware or adventuring tools. Some sharpened shell won''t cut it in this case, unless you¡¯re ok with getting close enough for its secretions to get on you.¡±


    ¡°Does anyone eat this then or is the meat foul?¡± I look down at the smoldering pile that reminds me of waking up to fully cooked bacon on a Saturday morning.


    ¡°No, it is edible. Just arduous to handle for most people.¡± Smeed replies.


    ¡°Hmm guess it''s time to try out some outlier pork.¡± I attempt a pose but my calf immediately starts hurting me. ¡°Uhm, so you said edible, am I to guess this is the same as a pig on Earth?¡±


    ¡°Well yes, I guess pretty much. What are you planning?¡± Smeed asks with curiosity in his voice.


    ¡°First things first, I cover this guy with some more of these leaves and take him to the clearing. The smelly juices shouldn¡¯t be able to get on me. My initial thought was to cook the guy in a pan but if I can¡¯t cut into him, that¡¯s a no-go. This whole wrap thing has me wondering if taking a lil inspiration from Michel and doing a barbacoa might work out better. Won''t solve my current problem but it would give me something for the morning.¡± I begin to gather some of the leaves with grunts escaping my lips at random, no doubt in beat with the tick of my blood loss.


    Smeed asks, ¡°Who is Michel and what is barbacoa?¡±


    I continue working as I reply, ¡°His family is from Cuba, it¡¯s a type of cooking they do where it slowly cooks the animal in a fire or underground. Those leaves look to be the perfect thing to both steam and roast it.¡± I close my eyes thinking of the couple of times I was able to try Michel¡¯s ¡®Barbacola¡¯ where he slow-cooked his meat with a can of coke. While this won''t compete with him, I¡¯m hoping the seeds will add some flavor as it does its thing.


    My head begins to hurt as I stand there and I try to shake my head to clear it again only to almost stumble. ¡°Hey Smeed, I really gotta get. Yea.¡± I can barely finish what I¡¯m saying as I struggle to pack the leaves onto the pig and begin the walk to the clearing. The way back takes longer than it should as I stumble my way through it but I¡¯m finally at the fire¡¯s edge. Setting the pig down into the fire in a drop that scattered some embers, I collapsed by the fire with Smeed still in my hand.


    ¡°Dev, you gotta get something in you, I do not like what my internal calculations tell me your HP should be right now. I ask that you please find something.¡± There is an urgency in Smeed¡¯s voice again that I¡¯m beginning to appreciate.


    Closing the quickly lowering number in my HUD, I close the window and reply, ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re right. I did have a thought on that.¡± I look over at the pig before sighing and reaching over to pull out a small shape that peeked out from the leaves. I pull a little harder and the thing comes off in my hand with a sickening squelching sound.


    ¡°So, you scoffed at my suggestion of some of the greens earlier but are ready to eat a damn Moss-Hog ear? What logic does that make?¡± Smeed huffed at me.


    ¡°Yes a pig ear, I can,¡± A nauseating wave of pain hits me and I hold my stomach. Without continuing what I was saying I grab some of the seeds from the new batwing plants and the sunder flower seeds.


    ¡°Those are Begonias, in case you were wondering,¡± Smeed calls over to me.


    Without replying I grab Smeed and begin to put him into the fire, almost stumbling into it as I did so. I let Smeed warm up as I waited for the seeds to release their juices. I use a tossing movement with the pan to hopefully quicken the process. Doing so has me biting my lip with pain in my calf but I continue until I see a few seeds begin to release their liquids. I didn¡¯t have time to enjoy the pretty orange color that was being created. I quickly toss in the ear and let it sizzle in the pan on each side. It takes less than a minute for the skin to begin to crisp and for me to feel comfortable with saying it was cooked. I use one of the lemon kale leaves to pull the ear out of the pan and to hold it as I blow it to cool it off.


    I bite into it and immediately realize that it is much better than it looks. The flesh from the ear almost melts in my mouth as I barely need to chew. The two seeds also worked in harmony where the lighter seeds almost tasted like pineapple, giving the tartness of the sunder seeds a bit of a mellowing out that only showed its head at the tail end of the bite. Closing my eyes I can almost feel a bit of tension ease from my neck with each bite.


    It takes a few seconds before I remember my wound and I pull up my action log.


    _________________________


    You lose 1 hp due to ongoing bleed status.


    You begin cooking hog¡¯s ear and assorted seeds.


    You have successfully created sauteed hog¡¯s ear with pan sauce (Superior).


    Runic Cookery has been triggered and your dish has been upgraded to (Legendary)


    You gain 25 xp.


    You consume sauteed hog¡¯s ear wrap (Legendary) and gain 50 hp.


    _________________________


    I pull up my current hp and see that I¡¯m still a bit from being full. Looking down at my leg I move the blood-soaked tunic to reveal a mostly healed wound. I grab the last of the lemon kale leaves and use them to get up all the juices and seeds left over in the pan. I smile as I see my HP is full again.


    Seeing the pig not in the best of positions in the fire I sigh and start working on building a bed of coals and wood around the thing. The key was to get it close enough to cook but far enough to keep it from burning. Once satisfied I slump sitting on the rock. I look down at the beaten-up rags on the floor.


    ¡°Dude, how about you clean these clothes for me before I finally get to sleep? I¡¯ve had enough adventure for one damn day.¡± I weakly hold up my clothes towards Smeed.


    ¡°I¡¯d have to agree with that.¡± Smeed is instantly clean before I even touch his handle.


    ¡°Ah, no need for me to cleanse you anymore, there goes like a fifth of my skills,¡± I reply half sleepily as I ball up and place the ruined rags into the pan. Once the Cleanse happens, I savor the fabric hitting my skin only to cringe as I see red and brown streaks from my dirty hands. I put my hands into Smeed and he obliges with a quick cleanse without me asking.


    ¡°Well, actually your cleanse ability should come in handy for other tools you use as I do not believe you will meet many sentient ones like myself in your travels.¡± I can almost hear him beam as I feel my eyelids get heavier. Smeed continues as I sink to the forest floor and lean back against the rock enjoying the heat of the fire on me. ¡°I should be able to take watch, so please get some rest.¡± I don¡¯t hear much else of what he says as sleep seems to completely turn off my senses.


    The deafening had me completely missing the audible chime as I leveled up.

 Chapter 7

    ¡°Ay, signor Punto you are too beautiful?¡± was called out from behind me.


    I try to turn but it feels like my feet are stuck. Looking down I¡¯m kneedeep in thick black soil mixed with sand. Trying to turn my head I realized I¡¯m somehow paralyzed. Trying not to freak out I use my eyes to look around trying to see where I¡¯m at. A sea of green carpet goes off into the distance, ending in a swirly black mass just beyond. I¡¯ve seen the carpet before but can¡¯t quite place it. It takes a few seconds but yes, it¡¯s from work. Why am I at work? Before I can figure out what the hell is going on my whole world is turned around to have me facing Michel as he stares down at me.


    ¡°Look at you there my succulent papichulo.¡± I feel Michel try to almost glide his hand against my face before pulling his hand back with a yelp and holding his hand. ¡°Ay, you so rough.¡± I try to pull away or talk. ¡°Thankfully, you know I like it. The safe word is more!¡± He continues with a giggle.


    My soundless scream reverberates against my brain as I try to tell him, ¡°Stop, it¡¯s me!¡± As Michel twirls away still talking, I finally see my reflection in the full-length mirror that is lying at the opposite side of the office-like space I found myself haunted by.


    I¡¯m the damn cactus. Why the hell am I the cactus? I even tried to use some of my skills hoping that Smeed would be summoned to my fingertips. I look back up at my reflection and curse internally as I see the full costume that Michel has me in. Not only did Michel decide to add guns to Mr. Punto, but there were also small black leather chaps and a black hat to match. Ignoring the small red ball that seemed about mouth height on the cactus, I try my best to disassociate from any part of this experience. How the hell do you close your eyes when you don¡¯t have eyelids?


    Trying to calm down and figure out what to do I take a few breaths or rather I take a few mental breaths I guess. Is this what night terrors feel like? Michel pulls back into view suddenly wearing a short bright red robe with a thick black belt around the middle of it. ¡°Are you ready for your presents mi amor?¡± Michel begins to tug at the gold belt buckle barely holding itself together across his wide belly. ¡°I already know you¡¯re on the naughty list, but I won¡¯t hold that against you, or maybe I will,¡± he gives another teasing tug at the belt.


    I try to give an extended  ¡°Noooooo!¡± with every fiber of my poor cacti being. Nothing comes out as I see the tease become a solid tug at the belt. There¡¯s another attempt to close my non-existent eyes trying to avoid whatever was going on with Michel''s unsightly southern border. Somehow the fabric stays shut as the belt is fully pulled apart.


    As I try to shout out for Smeed''s help, Michel clears his throat and begins to sing in a thicker accent than normal to the beat of a Christmas song, ¡°Feliz Navidad, Mr. Punto Boo. Feliz Navidad, Mr. Punto Boo. Feliz Navidad, Punto in his sexy chappy chaps. Devvy, get ready.¡± He said my name why did he say my name, he reached down to either side of the robe about to pull the fabric apart. As the fabric separates a bright light takes over my vision blinding me completely.


    As I blink my eyes from the almost painful brightness I realize that I have eyelids and flutter them just for the hell of it to enjoy finally having control. I quickly realize I¡¯m looking up at a forest canopy and sit up with a crack in my back. Giving thanks to finally being out of whatever nightmare I was just in, I take a deep breath through my mouth and nose.


    Rather than the crisp smell of morning air, my nostrils are met with a mouth-watering aroma that reminds me of home.


    While I¡¯m sure that some would not find this idea satisfying, waking up to bacon is one of the most nostalgic experiences of my life. While it wouldn¡¯t happen all the time, my mom could wake herself up before me on a Saturday morning and would break out all the stops for a great breakfast. Amongst the other goodness were overly salty but budget-savingly cheap slices fried to just the cusp of burntness, all cooked in batches that ensured maximum crispness.


    To this day, that smell gives me an almost primal feeling deep in my belly that has me ready to devour the source of the smell. How the hell did this game mimic that deep memory so perfectly? An almost embarrassing amount of saliva fills my mouth as my stomach begins to growl. Why build that reaction into the game? Damnit Ish.


    Guilt fills me as I follow the smell to its source that was still lying in a bed of coals in the fire. Lowering my head, I give a short prayer to the piglet that wandered into the wrong clearing, Stretching my arms up into the sky a chorus of cracks filled the air as I lean to each side. Yet another unfortunately way too accurately human function modeled by Ish and Smeed.


    ¡°Why good morning. I was surprised you slept through getting a number two last night and you didn¡¯t even care to find what came out.¡± Smeed called over cheerfully.


    ¡°A number two? What the hell are you talking about Smeed? A number what?¡± I groggily call over to Smeed as I pause my  zombie-like crawl to the beckoning food


    ¡°Number 2, you hit level two last night. I would think you would be excited to see the results is all.¡± He said eagerly.


    ¡°Yea, yea. You¡¯re right.¡± I make a few movements of my mouth thinking about the food one last time before asking Smeed for some water to wash my mouth out. After repeating the process a few times I take a few deep drinks of the water. I¡¯d imagine water in a digital world to taste almost more like nothing than the real world. Instead, there was what I¡¯d expect from water with an almost sweetness.


    ¡°Thank you for not using your mouth this time.¡± I spit the water I had in my mouth at Smeed¡¯s comment.


    ¡°Dude, not cool when I¡¯m drinking water.¡± Wiping my face I pull up my stat sheet and add a second mental request to show me descriptions of any skill updates to my sheet. I feel a slight bit of pride at remembering what Smeed had taught me about the interface.


    _________________________


    Character: Dev


    Race: Human


    Class: Runic Cook Level 2


    Might: 10


    Agility: 10


    Grit: 10


    Magic: 10


    Allure: 10


    Unspent MAGMA Pts: 2


    HP: 100


    MP: 100


    Armor: Novice Rags


    Weapon: Runic Pan


    Inventory: Empty


    Gold: 0 pcs


    Skills: Tool Cleanse II ¡Þ


    Runic Cookery ¡Þ


    Culinary Herbology ¡Þ


    Keen Instinct ¡Þ


    Fast Hands ¡Þ


    Improvised Master ¡Þ


    Tools of the Trade II


    Strong Arm II (fka Power Throw)


    Comfort Food ¡Þ


    _________________________


    Updated Skill Descriptions


    Tool Cleanse II (Passive): Current cleaning abilities have not changed. Your hands are now part of your cooking arsenal and can benefit from this skill¡¯s functionality.


    Fast Hands (Passive): You have honed your hand-eye coordination in both culinary and combat pursuits. You are nimble with chopping, slashing, and blocking movements.


    Improvised Master (Passive): All weapons or tools you have created have added accuracy or utility. If used in combat, weapons you¡¯ve made have +2 to hit.


    Tools of the Trade II (Passive): Two attuned tools can now be summoned to you. Both get +3 phys damage to attacks with 1 mp used when switching between items.


    Strong Arm (Charge): Melee and range attacks that rely on might can be infused with magic to strike or throw for an additional 1-6 pts of phys. damage. (Recent gameplay balancing has replaced Power Throw with this skill.)


    Comfort Food (Passive): You have learned to put a bit of yourself in your food. All food you make now has an additional +5 HP recovery regardless of ingredient quality.


    _________________________


    ¡°I can make some lemonade from the new skills, but I somehow feel a little held behind in the offense department. Hell, at least you get a couple of magic spells, I can chop onions more efficiently or whatever.¡± I stand up and sulk over to Smeed and grab him before heading over to where my rags lay and putting the now spotless tunic back on.


    ¡°It¡¯s only been two levels, Dev, I will also say that you may be underselling your current arrangement of skills. While they may be utility-focused, I believe your ingenuity may find ways to use the skills in ways the system may not have intended.¡± Smeed replies from where I held him at my side.


    ¡°No, don¡¯t get me wrong. I¡¯m not too bummed. But truth be told, what it comes down to is I feel like a dumb fighter-type character who just happens to have a badass weapon to throw around. Also, no offense, you¡¯re still a dang pan¡± I spin him unconsciously as I grab my kitchen spear. Cleansing the tip I begin opening the leaves that were surrounding the meat on the fire.


    Smeed begins to reply as I continue the unwrapping, ¡°Yes, this is a melee-focused class thus far but this is merely a foundation for a structure that hasn¡¯t been fully imagined yet.¡±


    They say sometimes if you lose a sense, you kinda gain greater strength in the rest. What happens if one of your senses is overpowered? Do the rest dim to compensate? I dunno the answer to that but Smeed¡¯s speech is muted as I finally open the last bit of leaf and the sweet and savory smell of the roasted moss hog overloads my senses. I ignore the shape of the poor thing in front of me and instead focus on my growling belly.


    ¡°That¡¯s how I would go about it at least.¡± Smeed ended his monologue.


    ¡°How you would go about what?¡± I reply finally hearing what he is saying.


    ¡°If you want a specific set of skills, try to make sure you are doing those actions. My overuse of Spark seems to have led to Fire so who knows what you focusing on your more mana-focused skills will yield.¡± Smeed replies from where I had laid him beside me.


    I used my spear to begin opening the thick skin that was somewhat softer after the long roasting. Taking heed of Smeed¡¯s suggestion, I begin using a combination of my Fast Hands and Strong Arm skills to make a few holes in the hide of the animal using my spear. I then switch to my shells and begin working at the areas between the holes to finally reach the meat beneath. I don¡¯t need to open my action log to know that multiple skills culminated to make that task go way smoother than it should have.


    Smeed observes the same thing, ¡°You must have had 2-3 skills working to assist you with that skinning. Even with any fiber breakdown during the cooking process, yes I would not downplay your skills too much Devin. I am sure you will be able to hold your own in this world.¡±


    I smile at Smeed before plopping the video game pork into my mouth. It happens again, that muting of other senses as one is taken over by another. This time it was my tastebuds being completely bombarded by an onslaught of extremely tart mixed with an almost mint flavor saturating the meat. I¡¯m sure Smeed is talking but that same muting continues as another piece of the meat is pulled off and into my mouth. This time there¡¯s a bit more of the mint flavor and I savor this different bite before I¡¯m able to hear and see again. I¡¯m amazed at how pulled apart and soft this came out.


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.


    ¡°Please can I get a piece? I¡¯m not going to beg anymore.¡± Smeed calls over.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry bud, yes of course.¡± I quickly make up for my moment of culinary zen to cut off a hunk of the meat with a piece of the skin still attached. ¡°I think I might have an idea for a quick way to kick this up also.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve already made a Rare dish at least with that Moss Hog, why do more?¡± Smeed says as I put him onto the fire with a smaller piece of the pork for him to taste. ¡°Oh, this is divine. Like truly, this is, wow.¡± I can¡¯t help but laugh to myself as he continues his appreciation.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to let you warm up some and then cook up this skin. You may not be able to try this next bit, but I¡¯m sure the crunch will be amazing.¡± I say waiting for the pan to warm up.


    ¡°How is that going to add anything? It already tastes amazing.¡± Smeed says while still making tasting sounds for some reason.


    ¡°You haven¡¯t tried Mama Michel¡¯s crackling pork skin. I¡¯m sure I won''t do it justice, but it is worth the try.¡± I grab a piece of fat from the pork in the fire and add that to the pan with a sizzle. That should give me a nice layer to fry the skin in. I pull off the small piece of fat, leaving what liquid comes off of it. I grab the larger piece of fat and lay it into the pan with an even louder sizzling sound filling the forest.


    The skin begins to curl up on the ends and I curse slightly looking around me. I see a rock that is the size of my fist and see that the underside is covered in dirt. My cleanse doesn''t work so I give a few swings with it to act as if I was crushing some random herb. ¡°Hopefully that¡¯s enough to establish you as a tool.¡± I am thankful when my Cleanse skill kicks in and cleans the rock to my liking. I then lay the rock across the skin in the pan to hold it flat as the fry happens. I listen to the sizzle in the pan and try to keep patient as I let the oils do their thing.


    Just like with chicken, seared steak, or even grilled cheese, the waiting is what matters most. With the wait, you also have to make sure NOT to lose your focus. Memories of my bitter grilled cheese invade my mind as I watch the pan. No, this won''t be the same as my poor sammy.


    ¡°I can see what you¡¯re doing and it does make sense. Wouldn¡¯t adding something else help with the flavors?¡± Smeed calls over, already pretasting my dish.


    ¡°Yeah, but I don¡¯t think there¡¯s anything left.¡± I look over at my makeshift kitchen counter hoping my detour won''t lead to overcooked cracklin. I see a few of the lemon kale leaves and quickly chop them using my skill before tossing them around the frying skin. ¡°Good call man, that should at least add some citrus flavor.


    ¡°Anything to help!¡± Smeed said cheerfully.


    While still paying attention to the pan I begin to contemplate my current problem with my skills. Just like Smeed was saying, I should have the ability to force the system¡¯s digital hand by focusing on as many magic-focused abilities as possible today. To emphasize my point I draw my kitchen spear to my hand. I end up trying to do the same with one of the shells but it doesn¡¯t work. I guessed that I already had my pan as my summoning tool. I mentally request removing the pan from that status and switching it mentally to one of the shells.


    I then have both tools in my hand and I smile. Time for some tool juggling. I then set about making the two items jump from one hand to the other letting my mana points tick down. After hitting almost a dozen switches between the two I look over at the skin again and feel that it¡¯s pretty much ready. Laying my stick by the fire I mentally remove it from my Tools of the Trade skill and replace it with the rock from the fire. I am thankful that I don¡¯t burn my hand when I summon the rock tool to my hand.


    I lift the pan and look down at the pork, immediately feeling my mouth water. This was one hell of a way to wake up in the morning. I take the pan over to the boulder top and begin trying to use one of the shells to cut into the now hard outer crust of my dish. The audible crunch as I cut into the pork is so damn satisfying. While it takes some work I get a few thick long slices cut off the larger piece I had made.


    I lift one of the slices and just take in the glistening bit of skin and meat I had in front of me. As I take a bite a deafening crunch fills my ears as I chew the savory explosion of fat mixed with a slightly gamey crunch of the skin. It is a decadent thing that is probably terrible for you but tastes too damn good to care too much about that fact. I put the rest back into the pan hoping Smeed gets a little cut of the flavor.


    ¡°Worth it,¡± was all Smeed got out before what sounded like chewing.


    I give a smile and savor another few bites of it before placing it back into the pan and eating some of the pork straight from the still-warm firepit. That last bite has me stumbling over to the boulder top and sitting to lean against it.


    ¡°Holy shit was that good.¡± I¡¯m thankful for my lack of a belt as i sit back with my legs spread wide open.


    ¡°I agree,¡± Smeed replies with a smack of lips that he did not possess.


    Feeling satisfied I think about the couple of dishes I made recently and ask the system to pull up what I had created and any experience I received from their creation.


    _________________________


    You have cooked suckling moss hog with assorted seeds.


    You have successfully created roasted moss hogling (Uncommon).


    You gain 5 xp.


    Your roasted moss hogling (Uncommon) gives 5 hp.


    You have cooked moss hog skin with lemon kale.


    You have successfully created crackling hogling skin (Uncommon).


    You gain 5 xp.


    Your roasted moss hogling (Uncommon) gives 5 hp.


    _________________________


    ¡°Welp, no rare recipes, unfortunately. But I¡¯m glad that I have some healing food at my disposal. Gonna need it if my day of adventuring is to go as planned.¡± I sit back after closing my action log.


    ¡°Might I suggest a trip to town? Not to sound like a broken record, but the sooner you get there the sooner you can be done with all this makeshift stuff.¡± I can almost see him twirling to gesture at my stick, shells, and items around the clearing.


    ¡°Eventually Smeed, eventually,¡± I reply to him as I set about packing up anything I could need while out there. I figure I can use this as a command center as I adventure around the area. It takes a few minutes but I¡¯m able to make an awkward bookbag out of the salamander with the head bouncing on my own as I walked with it. While awkward, it did allow me to carry items with me rather than having to walk around with Smeed filled with stuff.


    I chose a different direction today. According to Smeed, this direction would eventually lead to swampland but I should be able to avoid it as long as I didn¡¯t go too far south. While I yearned to hear more about the world, I felt experiencing would be more important so I just continued walking through the forest before crossing what looked to be a primitive version of a paved road. Looking back and forth I could see that it went on for miles in either direction.


    ¡°Esslem one way and the mountain cities of Graglin the opposite.¡± Smeed calls to me as he sees me looking each way a few times.


    ¡°You keep pushing me to go to Esslem, what happens if I go to Graglin instead?¡± I look towards the mountains in the distance.


    ¡°My guess is you would probably die partway there as the Shardwinds freeze every exposed part of your body. You can try to get there if you want to.¡± Smeed says smugly.


    ¡°Ok fine, that¡¯s my fault for just assuming you guys wouldn¡¯t have hidden content like that,¡± I grumble before continuing to walk onto the prairie on the opposite side of the road. Before me was a great flat land that had some random trees strewn throughout. ¡°Did I just walk into a farming simulation?¡± I ask as I pluck a piece of the grain growing beside me and put it into my mouth to chew as I walk.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t take Esslem¡¯s plains for granted.¡± Smeed replies ominiously making me start to scan the area around us. ¡°That means the ground as well,¡± Smeed follows up as he no doubt watches my quick head movements.


    ¡°Dude, do you have to put me on edge like this.¡± I stopped using my cooking spear as a walking stick and held it with the pointy end parting the grass before us as we continued through the area. To once again test my skills, I began using my Keen Sight skill to see far-off parts of the golden wheated area surrounding me to the left that went on for miles until it led to a great white expanse that stretched to the base of the mountains in the distance. To my right was just as much wheat but I could finally see some far-off sporadic farms with the long grass surrounding me being neatly shorn in geometric patterns to make way for crops no doubt.


    If I strained my skill I could just make out what seemed to be the tips of 3 shining buildings in the distance. I ask,  ¡°Hey Smeed, can you describe Esslem for me?¡±


    He begins eagerly, ¡°Well of course there¡¯s the Pearl Towers that are a sight to be seen. Originally built for protection, they were gilded with pearls by Her Majesty, Matriarch Hethar II. The process was completed mere months before her passing but has since become a sign of Esslem¡¯s roots being intertwined with its magical roots. The rest of the city spreads out for a few,¡± his words are cut off as my leg sinks up to my thigh into a hole.


    I cough as a cloud of dust is expelled around me from the hole. I¡¯m barely able to keep from falling as I pull myself out of the deep hole. Looking back down into it I see that the almost perfect circle leads to a tunnel reaching out in either direction. I grab Smeed and ask him to use fire as I hold him towards the hole¡¯s entrance.


    ¡°I¡¯d stay away from the mouth of that hole. When I said to keep an eye out, this was what I was talking about. Or at least, one of the many things to keep an eye out for.¡± Smeed says with an ominous echo from the tunnels as he calls out from the hole.


    ¡°What the hell could make a hole that big?¡± I move to my knees looking down into the hole.¡±The sides of the hole and from what I can tell on the tunnel are so smooth. Is there some kind of mob using drills out here?¡± I ask as I glide my hand over the smooth side of the hole.


    ¡°Well, not drills exactly.¡± Before Smeed can continue I freeze hearing something moving through the long grass behind me. I attempt to back up from the hole while looking in the direction of the sound I hear another to my right and see the grass move. ¡°So Devin, is this a lore-sharing time, or a I should shut up and just observe time?¡± Smeed asks breaking my concentration.


    ¡°It¡¯s a let me think time and give me only information you think is important.¡± I feel my heartbeat begin to throb as I stand up in a wider stand with the cooking spear in one hand ready for a charged strike. I lift Smeed holding him ready to throw.


    ¡°Well, you should know that these are normally subterranean creatures. They¡¯re pretty damn slow but have been known to wreak havoc when allowed to roam too close to a settlement. Avoid their mouths at all costs.¡± I see two groupings of grass begin to shake on either side of where I stood, making me step back slowly.


    ¡°Mouths? What kind of monstrosities have you guys got crawling around out there?¡± To answer my question 3 wide oval-shaped furry heads popped out through the grass and stared at me. Both their wide almost smiling mouths and eyes were framed in orange-hued groupings of fur. The rest of each face was covered in a golden field of fur that matched the grass around us. Its features were very close to a sloth¡¯s but also incorporated some tiger or feline features as their heads each were topped with small pointy ears that reminded me of a bobcat.  Each looked like an adorable golden version of a sloth mixed with that of a cat.


    ¡°They¡¯re Prarie Dogs. I suggest stepping away before they try to attack. They can,¡± Smeed¡¯s speech was cut off as I hopped to avoid the attack that came from a bit behind me. I felt the fourth animal more than heard it. I see a big golden glob of mucus hit the ground where I had just stood. ¡°That''s what does it.¡±


    ¡°That does what?¡± I begin to see the grass sizzle as I say that and immediately begin to position myself trying to watch all the animals at once. ¡°What does it do Smeed?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s an acid that removes water from what it attaches to. You asked about what made those smooth edges on the hole. It¡¯s the Prarie Dogs before you.¡± I dodge another spit glob as I continue to back away from their group and Smeed continues, ¡°They remove any moisture with their attack then easily collapse the hole using the nails at the end of each of their paws to help smooth as they move. They¡¯re truly efficient specimens.¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s skip the Nat Geo breakdown. How the hell do I kill them?¡± I say breathlessly trying to use the grass as protection.


    ¡°Devin, this isn¡¯t a time for trying to attack. If it was two or even three, I would say give it a go, but with four or more out there, you can¡¯t risk that kind of magical injury.¡± Smeed calls out with a bit of urging in his voice that gives me pause.


    It only takes a few split moments before I resolve myself and say to him, ¡°Fine, then how the hell do we get out of this situation?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d suggest running towards Esslem, staying in this grass is a death sentence. I am not sure what has gotten them excited like this, but moving towards better-patrolled areas will assure less of encountering the beast.¡± To emphasize his words another tiger-sloth face comes out at me and a large orange and gold striped paw barely misses my shoulder. The three large scoop-like claws neatly slice some grass near me making the parts fall to the ground.


    ¡°Of course you¡¯d suggest the city¡± I finally give up and heed his words and start moving back the way I came trying to keep an eye out on the things chasing me. I suddenly hear an almost pained sound come from behind me. As I look behind I see one of the large things standing on its back legs as four other arms are lifted into the air shaking its clawed paws at me in almost fist-like shapes.


    I barely see the golden glob flying at me before I lift Smeed just in time to block the majority of the projectile. A satisfying clang hits the air from the pan followed by a sizzle from my left. I see the smoke before I look down and see that my bicep was what was giving off that sizzle.


    ¡°Put me against the wound now Devin!¡± Smeed calls out and I comply without thinking.


    Smeed begins to pour water down over my wound flashing the remains of the golden residue that was still clinging viscously to my arm. He begins to call out to me but I can¡¯t help but watch as my skin begins to pale before seeming to get tighter. It begins to almost start to flake as the parts where the liquid had touched begin to morph and crack before my eyes. The water still pouring out of Smeed doesn¡¯t seem to help the ruined remains of my arm.


    ¡°We need to go now Devin, to town,¡± Smeed calls to me tugging at my arm towards the road. I let him lead me without questioning how he was somehow finding the ability to control himself in this way. The wound keeps drawing my eyes to it as I am speechless over the damage that was caused by those stupid cartoonish things. I barely hear Smeed say, ¡°Please grab some food to eat as well. We need to get your hp up.¡±


    I perk up slightly at this. ¡°Oh I forgot, I can just top my hit points off!¡± I continue walking while digging into my salamander bag pulling out some of the pork from this morning. I of course cleanse it in Smeed for a second before putting it into my mouth. I see my hitpoints go up but my arm stays the same.


    Smeed answers, ¡°Sorry Devin, it¡¯s why I said we need to get to town. These wounds are magical and need a depth hand to truly remedy.¡±


    ¡°It figures Ish would ruin sloths for me,¡± I grumble as I continue to make my way in the general direction of the road. I keep an eye out for those furry bastards along the way.

 Chapter 8

    ¡°Prarie Dogs just doesn¡¯t do justice to those beasts. Also, why put that acid stuff on those precious little fur babies?¡± I asked Smeed as an ever-flowing cascade of pain flowed through my arm with every step down the road towards Esslem. The triple spires were finally coming into view and their pearlescent exterior glimmered in the sun. I try to flex my arm giving an audible crackling sound as some of the skin breaks. I grab a handful of backpack meat and stuff it into my mouth to gain some hp.


    Smeed calls up from where he hung at my wrist, ¡°I wouldn¡¯t mess with that too much Dev. I¡¯m sorry I¡¯m sure it may be bothering you but your actions could retrigger the acid¡¯s residual power within the wound. As for the dogs and their acid spit, it seemed like a unique way to have them burrow through the ground and the name came from the world itself. They started as Umber Sloths but somehow the locals kinda willed the name change through use.¡±


    ¡°Your idea of a ¡®unique¡¯ traversal skill has pretty much taken out my arm. That was way too overpowered for a starter area.¡± I reply trying to keep my arm still as I walk down the road.


    ¡°We don¡¯t have siloed-off low-level areas, Devin. We wanted to encourage cautious exploration rather than blind adventure-seeking. We have purposefully created a melange of creatures of all levels to populate the world. Ishmael was not a fan of games that created segregated areas for the various level caps. Our creatures also roam at their own will so while they may stay in the same general areas, migration has become the norm during the first few centuries of simulation.¡±


    I blink as I try to process the casual amount of tech Smeed and Ish were harnessing for this thing. Centuries of all these interacting systems working on their own. Millions of hours of processing time. All for a video game where I¡¯m playing a Combat Chef Boyardee.


    I still have to give it to Ish, so far no hitches that I can tell. This isn¡¯t designing, this is creating on a grand scale that is just awe-inspiring. I can¡¯t help but sigh wishing Ish was here to experience it with me. Sure he¡¯d be a soggier blanket than Smeed but who knows what trouble Ish and I could have gotten up to.


    I saw a house in the distance before a few dozen more steps brought the short wooden palisade that surrounded the building that was probably a farm. Beyond the defense line after about 20 feet was a large maybe half acre of deep green stalks that came up half the size of a normal corn stalk. Along the stalk, the length crawled a yellow vine that spiraled up from the base of each that had what looked like small orange unbloomed flower buds through their length.


    I didn¡¯t need Smeed¡¯s description of this plant as my Herbiology skill had already highlighted the orange flower buds along the stalk as well as the cone-shaped tips that capped most of the stalks in the neat rows across the field. He gave the description anyway of course.


    ¡°Those are Queen¡¯s Spear. They are one of the major exports of Esslem as their unique makeup can only be grown on the soil within the Queendom¡¯s domain.¡±


    This was the first time I heard Smeed use this phrasing so I quickly asked about it, ¡°Sorry Smeed, is Esslem a Matriarchy?¡±


    ¡°Yes, another insistence of Ish. He had mentioned your mother as an inspiration for that aspect of Esslem. Who else would be best to protect and nurture the life of a city than a line of strong-willed and sound leaders who had created life themselves? By the Sacred 7, they rule the Queendom to ensure that no person is in rule for too long and is not left with someone to both mentor them on their path to ascension and also as an advisor upon the completed ascent.¡±


    I tried to absorb the lore dump that Smeed was trying to plop onto my lap. ¡°Sorry, Smeed, short and sweet version.¡±


    ¡°Simply put, Esslem has only Queens as their leaders. The current queen is to pick a Queen Keeper who will help with her day-to-day duties before the eventual replacement of the current queen with the Queen Keeper. The displaced Queen then becomes a Kept Queen and serves as an advisor when that is needed by the new Queen. The new Queen is to choose a new Queen Keeper within one year of her reign to ensure the continued lineage. This assures that each Queen of Esslem is afforded both an advisor and someone to mold into the future Queen.¡± Smeed says with a sense of pride.


    ¡°That did NOT help one-bit Smeed but,¡± I try to cut him off from trying to explain again. ¡°But I get the basic idea. It seems like a sound way to elevate leadership but kind of has a built-in training system for the incoming person. I wish any of the companies I started working for would have half that emphasis on the onboarding experience. What did you mean about created life thing?¡±


    ¡°That was something that was developed beyond our prediction truth be told. With time, Esslem built their laws and rules around their society. Amongst those tenets, there was the idea that life was most precious and that only once part of that cycle, could you truly lead. This developed as only those that have given birth can be chosen as a Queen Keeper.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but think of what Smeed said about this type of strong female leadership being inspired by Mom and feel another jolt of pain that mirrored the one when she was first mentioned. She wasn¡¯t strong as she lay in bed those last few months. She wasn¡¯t strong as I hugged her that last time. I feel my eyes tear up as a flood of memories runs through my mind. The buzzing hospital lights fill my ears unbidden and I clench my eyes tightly for a few seconds. She was the strongest woman I know. One who brought two kids to NYC and raised them by herself with barely any money and barely knowing the language. I try to swallow past the huge lump that¡¯s growing in my throat.


    ¡°Sounds like my kinda place,¡± I say trying not to let my suddenly dry throat affect my speech. ¡°Anyways, without spoiling the exact flavor, what can you tell me about these Queen¡¯s Spears?¡±


    ¡°Well, I can start at the main part that many people use for dishes which are the PepperCorns located at the top of the plant once shucked.¡± Smeed started.


    ¡°Dude, I said NOT to spoil it for me. Let me guess the unoriginal ¡®PepperCorns¡¯ taste like pepper?¡± I cut him off with a little frustration in my voice.


    ¡°They are fairly sweet and slightly savory once you get at the kernels and heat them some. Though, the plant¡¯s real use is centered on the thickening agent made with the kernels. Many of Esslem¡¯s dishes use it as a thickening agent within stews, sauces, or soups.¡± Smeed begins to raddle off more facts.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to have to taste for myself, how about those bulb things along the stalk.¡± I point at the orange things hanging from one of the plants.


    ¡°I have not heard many dishes made with those items as while they are edible, they are extremely hot. Ishmael desired something that would rival the Ghost Pepper found in India.  My goal was to add a bit more depth than just that to my creation.¡± Smeed begins to almost beam as he¡¯s talking bout the plant.


    ¡°I can tell you were into designing this one, I¡¯m excited about what I can try to do with that.¡± I flex my arm again and regret that as the resulting pain makes me grit my teeth.


    With a sigh, I look up at the farm that no doubt grew the crops to my left. Resigning myself to the choice, I make my way onto the small offshoot of the road that leads toward the farm. As I reach the end of the dusty road there is a grouping of a few buildings that I¡¯d expect to see on a farm. They were pretty much identical with the closest one having a child playing out in front of it.


    Looking from that  I head towards the one that looked more like a home than the rest. This assumption is just from the child who was playing at the foot of the entrance to the building. Looking from her to the rest of the buildings, each looked to be made of a brown plaster spread across each of the building¡¯s surfaces with their roofs having a mixture of that brown plaster and a patchwork of yellow, orange, and green material that was probably harvested from the crop in the field.


    I¡¯m not sure if I was expecting something a little more magical, hell I would have settled for something a little different than Earth. Instead, it looked a hell of a lot like any farm you¡¯d see from the early 1900s rather than some ancient medieval-styled thing. I tried to give a smile as I walked up to the kid wearing a green tunic cinched at the waist that looked up from the small metal figures they were playing with. ¡°Hi!¡± The kid jumps back from me as if my greeting was an attack. I hold my hands out before me trying to calm him down which doesn¡¯t seem to help.


    ¡°Lemmin, help!¡± I step back from the kid¡¯s yells. I distinctly see her hand hover around her waist as she steps back from me as well.


    ¡°Hey, hey, hey,¡± I say looking off towards the central area between the rest of the buildings. Trying to keep a lookout for anyone I continue to wave my arms in a hopefully calming motion while still holding onto my pan. ¡°Don¡¯t worry buddy, calm down. Shush¡± I turn back to see the kid now joined by a larger version of herself wearing the same tunic, paired with a pair of brown pants.


    ¡°You hushing me sis?¡± The person said in a deep voice that had me immediately lowering my arms and taking another step back. His accent also had me thinking of a Guy Richie gangster movie as he continued, ¡°Whatcha doing on our farm? You look like one of them travelers and your lot ain¡¯t welcome. You either start trouble or expect some kind of handout just because you¡¯re piss poor.¡± He spits an orange glob onto the ground a few feet to our side.


    Trying my best to fit in and try to be as polite as the Brits I¡¯ve seen on BBC, ¡°Sorry mate, just was hoping for a bit of help but maybe do a little trading as well.¡± I begin to rely on my old skills as a telemarketer and keep talking, ¡°You may be correct regarding the traveler part but me, I come bearing gifts or rather trade goods!¡± As I pull off my makeshift backpack I begin reaching into the mouth of the thing.


    I almost feel bad as the older brother picks their sibling up and places her a few feet away before returning closer to me. I finally find a few items and pull them out to display like I was some merchant at a bazaar. ¡°So here are some items that I¡¯m willing to trade for some help or barter for whatever you have.¡° The disgust on the older brother¡¯s face, as he looked from the salamander to the items, stopped me in my tracks. Realizing his thoughts, I grab Smeed and quickly clean the shells, pieces of lemon kale, and the leaf-wrapped pile of pork. ¡°I have a skill, see they¡¯re all clean now.¡±


    I saw his demeanor change as he noticed the pan I was holding and how I used it. ¡°You saying that pan can wash things?¡±


    ¡°Well, no the pan is mine, I cleaned the items,¡± I replied.


    ¡°Wait, I¡¯m the one using the Cleanse skill,¡± Smeed said from where he was in my hand.


    ¡°Shut up,¡± I yelled at the pan.


    ¡°I didn¡¯t say nothin'', just looking at that thing. Must be an Uncommon level at least. Can it do anything else?¡± The guy asked reaching towards Smeed.


    ¡°Sorry, it''s not for sale,¡± I reply to the big brother.


    ¡°I am a Legendary artifact to be precise,¡± Smeed says with pride in his voice.


    ¡°Damn it, I¡¯m trying not to sell you,¡± I whisper yell at Smeed.


    ¡°Why you talking to that pan, mate? You ok? I should have known better to talk to one of you forest blokes.¡± He looked me up and down with the type of judgment that took me back to childhood.


    ¡°Sorry, these were the things I was hoping to sell.¡± I wave down at the items I had hoping to distract him from the arousal he currently had for Smeed.


    ¡°Before you make the mistake again Dev, he can¡¯t hear you.¡± I look down trying not to show shock as I listen, ¡°I figured you knew. That¡¯s how we communicate, well at least how I communicate to you. You¡¯re the weirdo that¡¯s been talking out loud to himself in the woods.¡±


    I catch myself about to reply to Smeed before the farmer finally says, ¡°Even if they didn¡¯t come out the guts of some random rock tongue, I would have little need of dye shells, extremely tough ruffage, or the pile of mystery meat you have there. Now that pan though, I could have some use for something like that.¡± He says admiring Smeed once again.


    Realizing the conversation was getting away from me I tried to pour on the telemarketer charm again to pull him back around, ¡°How about you try some of my roasted pork for free and we can continue this conversation inside if you like it. If you don¡¯t, I¡¯ll be on my way.¡± To entice him some I open some of the leaves to let the glorious smell of the pork fill the air.


    He takes a deep whiff of the pork with his sister coming up to try to sneak sniffs without getting to close to me or the package of meat. I help the little gal out using my hand to waif some of the scent their way. The siblings make the same face as they lick their lips loudly as they stare between me and the pork.


    The brother takes a few blinks in a row to get himself together before replying to me, ¡°Fine, but you eat a piece first.¡± I gladly have a piece in my mouth before he¡¯s even finished with the sentence. He shakes his head and cautiously grabs a piece of the meat before placing it in his mouth. As he chews he gives me a slight smile, ¡°Orite mate, that¡¯s worth a bit of gab. But not inside.¡± He grabs a piece of the pork that he splits before passing his sister a piece without looking at her. ¡°I can tell you¡¯re not parting with that thing so I¡¯ll leave it be.¡± He takes way too much time to clean each of his fingers with an audible smack and pop with each one. ¡°For now at least. My name¡¯s Lemmin and this is Priss. So, what exactly you need from me?¡±


    I look down at the couple of items I was able to gather and sigh. ¡°Hello. My name is Dev and this,¡± I realize I was about to introduce Smeed and continue, ¡°This is pretty much all I have to my name. I hoped to hunt and gather what I could along my travels to Esslem to sell once there. Unfortunately,¡± I display my upper arm and the farmer sucks his teeth as he shakes his head.


    ¡°Yeah, unfortunate that. I¡¯m guessing the north field Dogs got you?¡± Lemmin said with regret in his voice. He continued after I nodded. ¡°Those buggers are right bastards, did they get your clothes as well?¡± He looks me up and down.


    ¡°That¡¯s a long story, but I hope to remedy that bit as soon as I can. Were there perhaps errands I could run around here? Along with these items here and the labor, I was hoping to exchange for some clothes and anything you may have for this.¡± I gesture to my injured arm.


    His eyes seem to take me in from top to bottom seeming to quickly judge my worth with a few moments of examination. ¡°Let me talk to Mamma and see whats for.¡± He looks down at the meat and gives me a head nod that I¡¯m taking as a request.


    ¡°Yes please.¡± I lean down grab a few shells and heap them filled with the cooked pork before getting an idea and looking up at Lemmin. ¡°Here, let me give her a real taste.¡±


    The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.


    To Smeed I mentally say, ¡°So you¡¯ve been listening to me this whole time in my head I¡¯m guessing. Not cool but I this probably makes things easier. I¡¯m going to pretend to use fire to heat you if you wouldn¡¯t mind doing it for me.¡±


    ¡°Sure, but why? Also, yes I¡¯m sorry but it¡¯s not something I can turn off. We¡¯re bonded that way.¡± Smeed¡¯s reply fills my head.


    As I plop the meat into the pan I begin to hold my palm out to the base as Smeed turns his flames up. I send to Smeed, ¡°Understandable. As for this bit of deceit? I don¡¯t need Farmer Statham getting any more infatuated with you once he finds out the magic you have.¡±


    ¡°Good idea, I will be turning the flames up a little higher to help with the sear,¡± Smeed replied.


    Once satisfied I scoop the meat into a couple of the shells before handing them over to Lemmin. ¡°Thank you and your family for your hospitality.¡±


    He just nods his head as he grabs the shells and turns around towards one of the buildings at the back of the area. His sister pauses for a few moments to watch me before running towards her brother climbing him nimbly clasped onto his back. He didn¡¯t seem to flinch one bit at the added weight of her form.


    ¡°You sure you don¡¯t want to get that properly looked at in Esslem?¡± Smeed asked.


    Willing Smeed clean I pick him up giving him a quick twirl after getting his cord back around my wrist. ¡°I figure that if these people live so close to those things, they must have ways to deal with any injuries they get from those Sloths.¡±


    ¡°While I do not know everything in this world, I doubt there was some alternate healing that could nullify the magical effects of their saliva. The mana infused within the attack unfortunately is potent but should not be something used offensively. I do not understand this drastic deviation in their behavior.¡± Smeed muses from my hand.


    ¡°You said it yourself that their migration habits can change, maybe this is part of all that,¡± I offer up while thinking about those cute but deadly creatures.


    ¡°There has to be some outside influence for a change like this. Maybe weather or something else.¡± Smeed cuts himself off as we both seem to notice Lemmin¡¯s solitary form returning form approaching from the building. Behind him now sits a woman in a large rocking chair with Priss clanging two other toys against each other on the side of that porch. I can already see the older woman is adorned with the same colored tunic as the two siblings with no trousers. Hoping for the best I wait for Lemmin to walk up to us.


    He holds up a pile of the same drab clothing that looks to be the uniform of these folks. ¡°Ma asks that ya wash ya arse and change ya kit before seeing her. Scrub house is just behind this one near the stream.¡±


    ¡°Did she say anything about my arm?¡± I ask taking the bunde from his arms.


    ¡°Ya,¡± he lifts his tunic to dig in his pants some before pulling out a jar of green and orange paste. ¡°While you may need it, do not shower before applying that stuff. Fair warning, it¡¯ll sting ya good but it should at least keep it from gettin'' any worse. Keep the jar, you may  need it by day¡¯s end.¡± As we get to the back of the nearest building, Lemmin gestures towards the dark brown building with light green stripes on it. ¡°Remember, DRY SKIN only.¡±


    I nod my head and thank him before heading into the building. The inside was split down the middle and looked to have both shower and bathroom stalls spread out on each side. As I head to the furthest back stall I look at their setup and am surprised to see that it is fairly modern in look and would match any nicer campground I had been to. The showers each had a basic metal plumbing service that had slight glowing runes across the length of the piping.


    The toilet stalls show the same basic but functional utility that had a large wooden basin that was topped by a smooth wooden seat. From what I could see some of the same rune layouts were mirrored between the two fixtures. I tested their functionality and am pleased with the outcome. I refrain from sharing the gory details though, let¡¯s just say it did its job well.


    Rather than showering, I decided to give myself a bit of a birdbath and set out to look for a sink. Thankfully a large locker-like room was just off the main line of stalls. Stepping up to the nearest sink I took advantage of the pile of small towels near me, lifted my tunic, and washed off my body as carefully as I could without touching the wound. From what I could tell I was successful and I made my way over to a bench nearby and used it to pull off my rags and replace them with the clothing I was provided.


    Shoving my rags into my bag I walk over to the mirror and am surprised by how complementing the farm¡¯s clothing was to my body. The loose fit was comfortable and way better fabric than the almost itchy material that made up my starter rags. I will the system to show me the stats of what I was wearing.


    _________________________


    Name: Farmhand Clothing (Full Set)


    Armor Type: Cloth


    Protection: 1 Phys


    _________________________


    Pleased that I finally don¡¯t look like a sack of potatoes I grab the salve that Lemmin had given me and open it. I¡¯m immediately faced with my nose burning as the extremely spicy scent fills my nostrils. I can¡¯t help but cough as the acrid stench seems to linger even as I hold the jar away from my face. I take a handful into my hand and it begins to burn reminding me of my first unfortunate incident with Icy Hot when I was a runner in high school. This time I will make sure to completely clean off my hands before touching any of the more sensitive parts of my body.


    Just like Lemmin said, the salve stings like all hell and has my eyes squinting as I grit my teeth through the initial burn. Hoping this does the job, I continue to rub it across my full injury as the world lights up with pinpoints of light as the pain continues to fill my world with all its might.


    Once it¡¯s fully spread on me I catch my breath before I shoulder my bag and head back out. Immediately my eyes are met with the blaring sun¡¯s light that blinds me. Using my hand to block it I see where the farm¡¯s mother hen sat rocking in her seat. Priss was no longer by her side and after a few steps, I hear the patter of bare small feet coming up from behind me. I shake my head hoping the little sneak wasn¡¯t peeping on me while I got changed.


    Ignoring her I prepared myself to meet the woman by bracing myself. Part of me hopes the Allure trait takes over as we¡¯re talking as I never do good with authority figures. I¡¯m about 20 feet away as her full garb comes into view and she was wearing a single tunic version of the clothes I now wore. She continued to rock as I took the last few steps up to the porch. Priss returns to where she played with her toys.


    I raise my hand in what I thought was a greeting. ¡°Hello, ma¡¯am. My name is Dev. Thank you very much for the clothes and this opportunity to speak with you.¡± I make a half-bow before catching myself.


    She nods in return, ¡°The names Mollen but you can call me Mama Proppa. Lemmin said you looking for work, huh?¡±


    ¡°Yes, if you have any. I¡¯m not looking for any kind of handout, just a way to get myself together before I head into the city.¡± I reply lifting Smeed over my shoulder as I talk.


    ¡°Well, what kinda skills you got?¡± She says as she eyes me up and down for entirely way too long. I can almost feel her eyes caress my body under the loose clothing.


    I hold back from covering myself with my hands and reply, ¡°I¡¯m plenty strong if anything needs lifting. But I will be honest and say that I don¡¯t have much when it comes to combat skills if that''s what you were asking.¡±


    ¡°I just want to know your skills boy, no need to try to act like I¡¯m bringing you long for some dungeon crawling. Come out with it already,¡± she says, showing her impatience.


    ¡°Sorry, yes I have Tool Cleanse, Keen Instinct, Herbiology,¡± I end up pulling up my screen to see the rest of my skills and she cuts me off.¡±


    ¡°What the hell is your class? Those skills don¡¯t make any sense.¡± She criticizes me.


    ¡°I¡¯m a Runic Chef,¡± I stop talking as she begins to guffaw in a way that has her coughing halfway through as she catches her breath.


    ¡°A bloody cook? I¡¯m used to you lot coming out of that forest well on your way to wand-waving or muscle-bound sword and shield type buggers. You, you¡¯re a damn scullery maid.¡±


    I get self-conscious as she continues her tirade. The bollocking switches to laughter and I use that slight gap to speak, ¡°I do have Power Throw.¡±


    ¡°Boy, being able to toss around trash doesn¡¯t make you some combat expert. You were certainly given the short end of the stick compared to the rest of your lot that comes out of that ashen forest.¡± She replies before spitting an orange liquid onto the ground furthest away from Priss.


    ¡°There¡¯s gotta be something I can do for you folk,¡± I look over to the larger building that I¡¯m guessing is the central barn structure. ¡°I can clean out any kind of pens you have or maybe even cook you a little something.¡±


    ¡°Mucks already been cleaned out of those as of this morning.¡± She stops seeming to take a moment to think. As inspiration seems to dawn on her face she looks over towards the north. She looks over at me after a second and points at my injured arm, ¡°You looking to get back at the bastard that gave you that?¡±


    I put my good arm¡¯s hand over my injured one and suck air through my teeth at the stupid move, ¡°Not exactly. Last time, I barely got away from those monsters.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re only a problem if you get caught by a few unawares. This time you¡¯ll have, Lemmin¨CGET YER ARSE OUT HERE¨Cand he¡¯ll give you backup.¡±


    I see Lemmin begin to make his way over from the larger building that I had thought was a barn. ¡°Yea ma, I was just brushing down the horses.¡±


    ¡°You and the forest bloke are gonna go clear out them dogs from the northern field once and for all. There¡¯s no reason why they should be this close to the property and I need you to fix that.¡± She says with a finality in her voice.


    Lemmin challenges her anyway, ¡°Really ma, do I?¡±


    ¡°Quit ya wingeing boy and get your shite together before I box your ears.¡± Somehow a rolling pin is in her hand and being branded at the boy.


    ¡°Of course ma we¡¯ll get it done,¡± Lemmin replies.


    ¡°We¡¯ll get it done? What? I didn¡¯t even say yes!¡± That was all I got out before I was pulled away by Lemmin.


    The building he pulls me into is brimming with all kinds of farming implements. Lemmin points at a barrel full of pitchforks. ¡°Grab something from there or I guess any of this shite. You¡¯ll need something that¡¯ll stab or whack or a bit of both. Just grab it quick, I need to be back before dinner or Priss will have the best bits.¡±


    Looking at the pitchforks they seem just way too unwieldy and awkward for me. There are other sharp items covering the walls of the building and even a wicked-looking scythe that looked like it could do some serious damage to those sloths. But nothing seemed like I¡¯d be able to properly use in our upcoming fight. The rest of the things looked better meant to work the field than do me any good in the fight.


    ¡°He has a point, Dev, I don¡¯t think carrying around a stick and tossing me about is going to work,¡± Smeed added his two cents from my side.


    Remembering to think my reply to Smeed I send him, ¡°The pitchfork is promising Smeed but it doesn¡¯t feel right to me.¡±


    ¡°Utility is utility Dev, I¡¯m not sure what feel has to do with it,¡± Smeed replied.


    Ignoring Smeed I instead reply audibly to Lemmin. ¡°Do you happen to have anything more like a weapon?¡±


    Lemmin lifted the rough wooden club that seemed to be about the width of my bicep. ¡°I got one of these if you want.¡± He offers the unwieldy thing and my arm falls immediately from its weight.


    ¡°Holy shit, was this an old lamp post?¡±


    ¡°A what?¡± He gestures for me to hand back the thing and I gladly pass it back trying not to throw out my back while doing so. ¡°Look here mate, these are just a couple of vermin. There¡¯s no reason to treatin'' this like you¡¯re fighting off a clutch of Kresh. Even if it was, you¡¯d still have the same shite selection of shite tools.¡± He waves at the wall and steps back. ¡°Have at it mate, I still have to grab the rest of my gear.¡± I could hear Lemmin grumbling to himself as he walked to the other side of the building we were in.


    This storehouse was huge and seemed to contain just about every single type of tool the farm would need. On the half-dozen shelves laid decades of disused tools and manual machinery that barely looked like it could cut through wheat let alone do any damage to those huge beasts. As I reach one of the walls I pull aside a burlap sack to reveal a few longer machete-looking implements. I pull down the cleanest-looking one and see that it is just as rusty as the rest of the antiques in this place. Giving a final glance, I resign myself to the weapon in my hand and give it a few swings to test it out.


    Getting an idea, I mentally think of this as a meat carving knife and picture myself gliding the long rusted blade across some freshly roasted meat. The idea works as I use a Cleanse on the blade and most of the dirt and grime is instantly cleaned off the machete¡¯s length. I examine the tool again and marvel at the interesting red and orange design now spidering its way across the full length of the metal.


    ¡°That¡¯ll have to do I guess,¡± I said looking the blade over.


    ¡°While it may look like the blade is damaged the rust doesn¡¯t seem to have penetrated too far past the surface level. As long as you¡¯re not planning on making this your permanent weapon, it should serve you well.¡± Smeed sent to me from where he laid in my hand.


    Looking down at him I get an idea and start looking through the shelves before finding a braided piece of rope that was about a half inch thick. I judge the length sufficiently and work to tie it over one of my shoulders making a bandelier of sorts. To this, I tie a loose loop with the leather tie around Smeed¡¯s handle. Not exactly the best solution but it¡¯ll have to do for now. I keep the machete in my hand not willing to risk it bouncing at my hip.


    Finally feeling ready to tackle whatever those sloth things threw at me I make my way outside and immediately have to squint at the bright sun. Blinking my eyes I try to get them adjusted to the light. Feeling a little disorientated I try to look for Lemmin.


    A deep voice calls out from behind me, ¡°You ready to shove off or you just gonna stand there blinking like some sodding moron.¡±


    Ignoring the jibe I turn around to stare at the huge man, ¡°Yeah, this was the best I could find.¡±


    Looking up from where he examined the blade he shakes his head and smiles slightly. ¡°Well as long as you keep the sharp bit pointed away from ya, you should be safe from catching the Wastes.¡±


    ¡°What the hell is the Wastes?¡± I asked suddenly freaked out.


    ¡°A right nasty thing that tends to infect any untended wound with a rusted blade.¡± He points at my blade. ¡°Me ma¡¯s ma¡¯s uncle got a knick off of one and that wee cut ended up blooming until his whole arm had to be cut off just to stop it from spreading.¡± He continues after probably noticing the fear in my eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t get your knickers in a twist though. We¡¯ve got plenty of pastes and ointments to help along with anything you got. He just was a hardheaded bastard that refused to get the thing looked at.¡±


    Not feeling any more calmed I try to ignore the nerves that threatened to bring bile up to my throat. ¡°How about we go over the plan rather than outline some of the new diseases I¡¯m opening up myself to by just joining you on this little excursion.¡±


    ¡°Plan? Mate, the only plan I ¡®ave is which path I was takin¡¯ to the north field. Otherwise, your guess is as good as mine as to how the hell we¡¯ll get rid of these pests.¡± Lemmin replied as he tossed his large club over his shoulder. I hadn¡¯t noticed but his version of the thing was thicker than the one that he had offered me.


    ¡°Well then, I guess I¡¯m ready when you are.¡± I¡¯m about to twirl my machete in my hand before second-guessing myself as I remember the rust ailment outlined by Lemmin.


    Lemmin nods his head and calls over to where Priss hid behind some barrels. ¡°You better not go poking your nose where it doesn¡¯t belong, a little bit. Take care of Mamma and the animals.¡±


    Priss pulls a small knife and tosses it from hand to hand. ¡°You¡¯re stuck with him though.¡± She nods over in my direction and before I can find out what she means, she continues, ¡°And he ain¡¯t one of us. What if he tries to hit yer head when yer not lookin''?¡± Priss points at me with her knife and I almost feel more intimidated by her than her brother.


    Lemmin looks to where she¡¯s pointing and gives a deep laugh that sounds like a tree branch cracking under the weight of a heavy snowfall. Through his laughter he continues, ¡°Get yer ass over to Mamma before I tan it good.¡± Without replying Priss squints her eyes and looks at me for a few seconds while pointing her dagger before running off towards the building that I had last seen their mother sitting on.


    Lemmin starts towards the north without another word.

 Chapter 9

    Lemmin doesn¡¯t look back to see if I¡¯m following as he starts to make his way back towards the farm. The start of the walk goes in silence as we pick our way up the path that borders what looks to be the complete opposite side that I had originally walked my way down. Thick trees that were pretty much stripped off their leaves lined the right side of the path and worked as a border to what looked like swampland beyond. Glad they were avoiding us, I watched as multiple swoop talons moved across our path darting in and out of the bushes on the swamp side and long grass on the side bordering the field.


    Other than the sounds of our feet there was an eerie quiet that filled the air. It was almost as if there was a hush of anticipation for whatever shitshow we might be walking into. More than once I felt my muscles clench before making me jump back from what ended up being a random woodland creature or bird.


    Adding to my growing catalog of this world¡¯s creatures was a bright green and yellow bird with legs that were twice as long as its body even when they were tucked in while in flight. It looked like a small kite trailing two thin orange strips of fabric. Sending a question about the bird to Smeed had him replying with their name, Trestle. He had mentioned the name came from the local tall Tressle flowers they were known to pollinate.


    Another creature that crossed our path had me yelping before I had a chance to help myself as its dark red body darted across my path. Whatever it was had to have been the size of a corgi and just as wide. This immediately had Lemmin replying from in front of me, ¡°Aye mate, it¡¯s only a wee clot rat. You travelers are a skittery bunch.¡±


    I tried to look to where the thing ran into the bushes on the opposite side of the road before replying to Lemmin, ¡°What the hell was that? It almost got my leg.¡±


    As Lemmin turns, I can feel the weight of his eyes penetrating every fiber of my being and I almost shrink back as he advances on me, ¡°Almost got you? Quit yer whinging, mate. Their mouths can barely open wide enough to fit it on you, let alone do it enough to cause any damage.¡± He doesn¡¯t reply and just turns back towards the road and starts walking again.


    I listen to the underbrush continue to move as the large animal makes its way away from the road. Knowing full well Smeed probably made these critters to kill in some messed up way, I ready my machete for a charged strike.


    Smeed seems to reply to my thoughts and sends to me, ¡°He was right Dev, Clot rats are only dangerous to those creatures that are smaller than them. Something as big as you stomping around had them scattering off into the surrounding woodland.¡±


    I grumble under my breath before replying, ¡°I don¡¯t exactly trust your thoughts on what might or might not be dangerous to me. If I remember correctly, you said those same words right before the sloth attacked me.¡±


    ¡°Dev, these are mere,¡± Smeed began to say as one of the bastards ran out a few feet in front of me.


    The machete strikes and connects with a somewhat satisfying crunch that sends the thing flying in an arch into the swampland to our right. I didn¡¯t need to look at my action log to know that I had at least taken a good chunk of that thing¡¯s health away. I didn¡¯t have time to brag as another seemed to come from the field side to avenge his friend. A charged backward slash with my machete created a smooth cross slash that was followed by my right arm smashing down on its head with Smeed.


    The motion pulls at my wound and I begin to wince some. I was glad to see that the skin looked to be healing if not all the way there yet. I hear Lemmin begin to laugh from behind me.


    ¡°Whatcha mate?¡± Lemmin stood still laughing at me, ¡°Ya all piss and vinegar for what, a bunch of ashen rodents?¡±


    Feeling slightly embarrassed I shrug looking down at my weapon just as I hear some more noise coming from both the swamp side and the field side. I prepared both my arms for charged hits hoping that it¡¯d work and wait.


    The swampside clodrat that I had launched that way slowly made its way to the edge of the path looking at me. It¡¯s then that the one from the field¡¯s movements begins to get closer which gets my attention in that direction just as Lemmin¡¯s laughter starts anew.


    ¡°Gettum bruv, you¡¯ve gone and raised their hackles.¡± Lemmin barely gets out through his extremely deep laughter.


    Ignoring his bullshit I look for an overhand swipe on the field side rat and focus on killing it with a few swift back-and-forth slashes just as the swampside clodrat ran up to me rearing onto its hindlegs. I had just enough time to see its mouth open vertically in a way that almost hurt my eyes as I saw its mouth covered with 2 rows of extremely small teeth that worked in a slight spiral towards the back of its throat. As I moved to close the gap and charge attack the thing it was flattened by a large piece of wood. Jumping back I see that it¡¯s a smiling Lemmin with his large club in his hand.


    He stands there shaking his head, ¡°For a traveler, ya ain¡¯t bad mate. Ain¡¯t bad at all.¡±


    The slap he gives me makes me take a step to balance and I reply, ¡°Thanks for watching my back.¡±


    ¡°Mama woulda killed me if I told her I sunk another traveler in the swamp.¡± He looks off at that side of the path before sighing. ¡°Let¡¯s be off.¡± I can hear him give a slight laugh as he turns to start walking. I hope that means it¡¯s a joke.


    I look down at the animals and I¡¯m tempted to take one with me to cook with. Realizing that this might be the equivalent of roadkill I instead start back on the path. Lemmin¡¯s long steps had me taking two quick short steps for each of his strides to keep up. Once back in stride with him, I call over, ¡°So your family, does it make any products with that corn you work with?¡±


    He tosses his large club onto his shoulder and looks down at me, ¡°Whatcha mean, we plant and reap corn. What else we supposed to do?.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, where I¡¯m from we make things like corn syrup, tortillas, and even a form of gas is made using corn.¡± I stop talking as I see my words failing to get passed the blank stare now glazing Lemmin¡¯s face.


    ¡°Gas? What¡¯s that?¡± He replies as he stops in his steps staring down at me.


    ¡°Sorry, may not be something you guys have,¡± I quickly change the subject, ¡°Is there anyone else on the farm besides you, Mom and Priss?¡± I ask as I begin to try to keep pace with his long strides.


    He scratches his head before replying, ¡°Aye, there¡¯s also Unc Jemmin and Auntie Maglin but they have their place a wee bit off. Pa ain''t no longer with us.¡± He seems to cut himself off.


    Feeling the silence stretch between us I try to console him, ¡°Sorry to hear that.¡±


    ¡°You weren¡¯t the one that gave him the Withers. Just a part of life.¡± While I could hear the slight strain in his voice and felt my curiosity piqued at the word ¡®withers¡¯ I instead continued talking about the farm.


    ¡°So, you ever have popcorn?¡± I awkwardly try to change the subject back.


    ¡°Popcorn? I¡¯m guessing that¡¯s some kind of food. Nah, nothing like that. But yea there are other dishes we make if you need an ashen list, skillet cake, corn loaf, corn stew, sweet corn, corn milk, and on special occasions, Ma even makes some of her corn pudding which gets me mouth watering just thinking of it.¡± He makes a literal sucking at his mouth as if the spit was about to drop out of it.


    ¡°Those sound good,¡± I reply as my stomach starts grumbling despite the gross sound Lemmin had made. ¡°You think Miss Proppa might be able to get us some of that when we get back?¡± I ask hoping he didn¡¯t hear the distinct sound of my belly.


    ¡°She told ya to call her Mama. And yeah, do yer job right and she¡¯ll no doubt have a bit of nosh for ya.¡± He replies while digging into the bag that was slung over his shoulder. He finally fishes out something wrapped in a white cloth and passes it to me. ¡°I thought you¡¯d be needy. Have a bit of me ma¡¯s trail bar.¡±


    He followed up with something that sounded like, ¡®Ruddy Travelers¡¯ under his breath but I chose to ignore it and take the bar. ¡°Thanks Lemmin.¡± He¡¯s already moving away at a quicker pace so I just take the time to start peeling back the folds of the cloth. I quickly reveal a reddish puck that resembled one of those red-dyed or sprinkled sugar cookies during the holidays. Trying to pinch off a corner, my fingers slip off the puck¡¯s seemingly impervious surface. I give it a couple more tries before bringing it to my lips with an attempt to bite down on the thing. It begins to pull apart slowly with a small piece falling into my mouth. I pull out the puck and see that only the smallest of bits have come off with my struggle.


    I once again hear sound coming up from behind us so I work to catch up with Lemmin¡¯s inhuman strides. As I do so I let the corn puck piece dissolve in my mouth and savor the sticky sweet yet slightly spicy taste of the dough. It reminded me of some of the Mexican lollipops that I¡¯d get from the bodegas around my apartment. The cake had an almost numbing sensation hitting my tongue as the spice quickly followed the initial dose of sweetness. Letting the piece move around my mouth I let my tongue continue tasting the layers of flavor.


    Wanting to break it apart I bite down and let my teeth begin to sink into the dough hoping that would help. This backfires as I almost get a lock jaw when it clings to both my upper and bottom teeth. I try to pull my teeth apart and I can barely do so. It reminds me of back when I used to press Jolly Ranchers down between my teeth as a kid. I try to use my tongue to pry my teeth apart while attempting not to panic.


    ¡°You¡¯re best to not bite down on that and just sort of suck on it. While nutritious, they also have quite a lot of sugar that seeps out when baked like that. Due to the particular flavor it has, not many people partake in its consumption. ¡± I continue to struggle so he continues. ¡°You can still talk to me, you know. Also, just let your saliva dissolve the hold and you should be fine.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I know I can frickin¡¯ talk to you. I¡¯m too busy working on this damn sugary cement keeping my mouth closed.¡± I sent it to him, completely forgetting I could do so but not admitting that fact to him.


    ¡°Well now that you¡¯ve tried something made from the Peppercorn, what do you think?¡± Smeed replied.


    My teeth and tongue continue to work together to free my jaw replying to Smeed with, ¡°I do like the flavor. But I¡¯d have to taste the corn by itself to know the essence of the flavor but so far it¡¯s reminded me of Mexican tastes overall. If anything, I¡¯d like to try more of her food or even make something myself.¡±


    Smeed¡¯s proper accent suddenly takes on Lemmin¡¯s lilt, ¡°Alright, mate, if ya play things square ya might just get a nibble of me ma¡¯s corn. But if keep with the tongue waggin'' I¡¯ll have to give ya a right bollocking.¡±


    ¡°What the hell was that? He doesn¡¯t even sound like that,¡± I send back. Relaxing my jaw I try to let my mouth naturally pull apart. While it continues to dissolve I savor the sweet and savory snack holding my mouth hostage.


    I hear noise begin to come at me from the side of the road and I yelp before I realize it. Lemmin seems to react with me, minus my high-pitched squeal. Before either of us know it a green blur snatches the cake from my hand and begins to make its way back into the crops from the side of the road. The blur stops in its tracks as Lemmin yells, ¡°Prissibel Proppa, what yer doin¡¯ ya field mouse?¡±


    Loosening her grip on the tunic she was holding to free up her leg¡¯s movement she looked up at her brother. ¡°Nothing,¡± she tries to answer innocently. Realizing he wasn¡¯t taking that she continues, ¡°Well, he ain''t likes them none anyways.¡±


    My teeth give an audible crack as they¡¯re pulled apart finally releasing me from the bar¡¯s grip. ¡°What, they¡¯re great?¡± Letting the cracks continue I close my mouth on the sugared dough. The siblings give me carbon-copied headshakes. ¡°But you can have it.¡±


    ¡°Priss, I¡¯m being serious. Why are you out here? These things ain¡¯t nothin'' to shake your nose at. They¡¯ll take it right off,¡± he makes a motion of snatching at her nose. ¡°It¡¯s hard enough I got this prairie shite to take care of, it''ll be twice as hard with you nipping at my heels.¡±


    She looks crestfallen before clenching her fists and looking back up at Lemmin, ¡°I am a Proppa and Proppas don¡¯t stand down.¡± She holds out her chest in an almost comic book hero pose that gives me a smile. Two small knives are suddenly in her hands being pulled out from who knows where on her person. ¡°I also have my blades at my side.¡±


    They¡¯re adorable and I can¡¯t help but laugh out loud. Her reply is spinning both knives in her hands before brandishing them in my direction, ¡°OK, OK, sorry. Those are just cute.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll see if those dogs think they¡¯re cute when I¡¯m slicing them down,¡± Priss says as a blur of swipes comes from her arms.


    ¡°Prissibel, you are not going to be slicing anything but some meat at dinner tonight. I need you to get your arse back to the farm before I put my foot in it.¡± Lemmin said in a tone of voice that was stern but was nowhere near as scary as I¡¯d heard him get.


    ¡°But Lem, how am I supposed to take over the farm if I¡¯m forced to hold onto Mama¡¯s tunic all the time while you¡¯re out here doing the real farm stuff.¡± It brings me a smile to see her standing there looking a mix of adorable and threatening as she waves her knife about.


    Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    ¡°Who says you¡¯re supposed to take over the farm?¡± Lemmin crosses his forearms while looking down at Priss.


    ¡°Mom¡¯s a girl and so is me so that¡¯s the way it is. Til then it¡¯s your job to teach me all this,¡± Priss continues waving her knives around to point toward the crops and general farm space surrounding our group.


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to repeat myself Priss. You need to go home,¡± just as he finished, bushes from a few yards out began to rustle making us all turn in the sound¡¯s direction. Lemmin¡¯s hand immediately reaches towards his sister and ushers her behind where he stands.


    Taking his lead I pull out Smeed to hold in my right hand and raise the mostly rusty machete-like weapon in my other hand. While keeping an eye out for the area in front of us I also make sure to keep an eye out for our flanks remembering my earlier encounter.


    Lemmin looks back towards Priss and me and shakes his head, ¡°I don¡¯t like how close they are to the farm. It was bad enough that they were even on the outskirts of our land.¡± Two more of the things pop their heads out from the swamp and field sides all staring at us. ¡°Oh bugger me,¡± He continues before looking down at Priss. ¡°I¡¯m sorry P.¡±


    ¡°No, you¡¯re right, bugger me right in the arse,¡± Priss repeats before holding out her knives in her same original stance while giving a death stare at the Sloths. The same death stare is mirrored in her brother¡¯s eyes as he stares down after her initial cursing.


    Trying not to laugh I attempt to gather the same fierceness this little bit of fury was exuding. She stood slightly crouched with daggers in each hand. Turning from her I keep scanning using Keen Eye to scan our flanks. ¡°Well Lemmin, any thoughts?¡±


    ¡°Honestly mate, I¡¯m halfway tempted to have you run with Priss while I keep them distracted.¡± He says calling over his shoulder to me.


    ¡°I get what you mean but I doubt I¡¯d be able to keep her safe if a few decide to cut off from the rest of this pack.¡± Almost to help with my point I hear more than see a fourth form begin to move towards us within the swampier land to our right. Pointing off towards that direction with Smeed I call out to Lemmin to inform him, ¡°I think we might have another out there somewhere.¡±


    ¡°Ain¡¯t that a right bit of dung in my soup.¡± Lemmin curses as he looks from the three visible Sloths and the fourth hidden to our side. ¡°I hope you have some skills to get us through this as it looks like it¡¯s time for a bit of a brawl.¡± As an answer, his sister prepares herself with a sneer.


    Formulating an idea I send over to Smeed, ¡°Hey, do you think you can find that thing off to our right if I throw you in that direction.¡±


    There¡¯s a pause before Smeed answers which shows me he¡¯s putting thought into it, ¡°Well, I can¡¯t promise but judging from earlier I should be able to use the momentum to guide my way towards them so at least point me in the right direction.¡±


    Sending my answer, ¡°Yeah, something tells me this sick feeling is for a reason.¡± I begin to look out making sure where I feel the thing coming from. Hoping to hide my movement I position my arm underhanded with Smeed and charge up my shot. Calling out loud to Lemmin I tell him my thoughts, ¡°When you¡¯re ready, I¡¯m going to go for this one out in the swamp. I may be able to at least hit it for a good attack. My hope is that¡¯ll bide our time for the rest of them.


    ¡°That sounds like a good first shot if I¡¯ve ever heard one. Think we should rush ''em after?¡± Lemmin replies in a low growl. As he speaks the wood of his club seems to creak between where his two large hands hold it.


    ¡°Maybe us defending like this will make a better route to take. Distance may be our ally in our case right now.¡± I reply looking over at the other three Sloths. Thinking of my encounter earlier, ¡°It almost seems like they¡¯re trying to pull us out in the open like that. Who knows if there might be more of them? No right here seems best.¡±


    ¡°Mate, I don¡¯t think you¡¯ve noticed but none of us have anything worth a shyte at range,¡± Lemmin replies looking out at the pack.


    Looking at the club then at the daggers I sigh. ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re right, she might be able to toss them. Let¡¯s wing it, I¡¯m going to just start hitting those bastards and you watch my back. Call out anything you see changing.¡± Looking at Priss¡¯ small form gripping onto her daggers. ¡°Keeping her safe is all that matters.¡±


    ¡°Sounds like a right ashen plan to me.¡± He turns toward the pack and both he and Priss take a wide stance facing the onslaught.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got the ugly one,¡± Priss says with her version of the Proppa snarl.


    There¡¯s a mental confirmation that passes between Smeed and me before I call out to the team around me, ¡°Let¡¯s do this.¡± I release my underhand charged shot and Smeed flies out into the wilderness to my right, flaming up just as he did so. The flames burnt a neat oval shape as it flew through the outlining trees. Knowing I have only seconds to move again I charge up another throw, this time with my machete, and as the Sloths begin to react I release my charged throw at the Sloth to my right and it flies towards its body.


    Unfortunately, the path of the machete is slightly off and flies just past the sloth, making the startled animal veer towards the path and ramming into the lead sloth that was barreled over by the sudden hit.


    ¡°Draw me back!¡± I hear Smeed yell into my head. Summoning him back I look over the battlefield placing where everyone was at. The two on the far left were snapping at each other but still advancing with the visible one coming out of the trees on the right to advance on us. ¡°I ended up giving it a glancing blow that let me fly back up into the air to hit it again. Toss me back out.¡± Out of instinct I follow Smeed¡¯s instruction and hold him back for a Power Throw.


    ¡°Blessed shyte mate, no wonder you didn¡¯t want to sell me that thing.¡± Lemmin¡¯s eyes almost glimmer as he stares at Smeed with hunger in his eyes.


    I can¡¯t help but give Smeed a spin in my hand, ¡°Sorry man, he¡¯s all mine.¡± I draw my arm back and release Smeed towards the animal he had already hit.


    ¡°He?¡± Lemmin questions before moving a few feet to swipe at the Sloth that had finally reached us on the right. I circled to Lemmin¡¯s left to fully cover Priss as Lemmin worked on defending us on the opposite side.


    After finally settling whatever conflict between them, the two Sloths on the road began a quicker lopping walk towards us that had me bracing myself. A loud howl is heard from our right and I use Smeed¡¯s no doubt successful hit to pull back and launch another machete throw using a horizontal toss aimed between where the two sloths lopped towards us. While one can dodge away from the tossed weapon, the other is hit firmly in his chest and howls as the machete gives a solid slice with its tip as it spins past the Sloth¡¯s form. I instinctively pull both the machete and Smeed into my hands one after the other.


    Smeed almost sounds breathless as he sends to me, ¡°I was giving it a good burn with my spell. It should be close to death from what I can see. Dev don¡¯t forget your mana consumption.¡±


    Nodding my head I instead choose to use a normal throw with Smeed, before releasing him I answer, ¡°Fine, take him out. This¡¯ll be a regular toss so burn the shit out of him.¡± I don¡¯t wait for an answer and launch Smeed so I can focus on the two forms heading my way. Looking up I notice that there is now only one of the untouched sloths still making its way towards us. Lemmin is still expertly beating the shit out of the sloth he¡¯s facing while keeping an eye on Priss at the same time.


    I will give it to the little gal, she was adding her damage to the fight with frequent and sure swipes made whenever the thing attempted an attack. As each scooped paw got within her reach, one or both of her small daggers moved to meet them before they could hit her brother. In a way, she was almost acting like a deterrent to the sloth who pulled back their attack as it was met with her opposition. Her brother took every advantage of the distractions to rain down his bone-crunching hits that filled the air with their impact.


    ¡°Bring me home Dev,¡± As I¡¯m launching the machete again I pull Smeed back to my hand.


    ¡°Good, I may need your help here.¡± Almost to emphasize this fact the machete doesn¡¯t even get near the untouched sloth. Charging up my throw I release Smeed towards the advancing beast. At the same time, the lead Sloth launches one of its spit attacks at our group. Smeed deftly steers himself towards the incoming projectile and bats it away from our group¡¯s general direction.


    A digitized yell fills my head from Smeed¡¯s form just as the projectile hits his form. It takes all my resolve not to cover my ears. Smeed stops his yell to get out, ¡°Sorry, as soon as I hit Dev, summon me back.¡±


    A sickening crunch fills the air as Smeed¡¯s flaming hit connects with the skull of the sloth. The attack¡¯s flames immediately begin to blacken the orange and gold fur surrounding one of the animal¡¯s eyes. As I summon Smeed to my hand I see the flames begin to crawl down the thing¡¯s head as it attempts to paw at the flames to put them out. I think down to him, ¡°You ok buddy?¡±


    ¡°That acid, it was completely covering my surface and burning me the whole time. It had like extra damage somehow.¡± Smeed says in a worried voice.


    As I hear the final cries from a beast to my right I see Lemmin move towards the one in front of us and position Priss behind himself again. ¡°I got this one, I don¡¯t know where that other bastard went to.¡±


    I circle with my back to the both of them scanning the sides of the road. ¡°Sounds good to me. I gotta say that you two make one hell of a team.¡±


    ¡°Ai mate, let¡¯s not go congratulating each other just yet. There¡¯s at least one we don¡¯t know about and,¡± Lemmin¡¯s words are cut off as the sloth they were facing begins to run at them jaws wide open.


    My eyes are drawn their way for a few seconds only for me to instinctively feel the need to jump back from the area of the field on our left. Smeed is in my hand to both block and smash into the thing about to attack me. I¡¯m glad Smeed turns on his flame just as I connect with its head. Drawing my left arm back using my charged-up strike with my machete.


    Before I can fully charge I feel the attack cancel. I remember Smeed¡¯s mana comment and instead, just strike down as hard as I can onto the beast¡¯s neck. The horrible feel and look of the impact of both my attacks on the thing doesn¡¯t phase me and part of me worries at how easy it is getting to ignore the mayhem I am surrounded by daily.


    I don¡¯t have time to let that sink in as the thing begins to rear its head back, no doubt reading its spit attack. As the sloth rears up I see that it has a white oval bit of fir that went from its lower chest down its belly. Using the oval as my target I summoned my agility to make a quick downward slice across that length and followed it up with another cross swipe to fully open the poor thing''s gut. The thing doesn¡¯t finish his spitting motion and instead paws at its belly, worsening the already rough wound. It¡¯s on its side within seconds freeing me to look over at the Proppa Duo.


    The fight doesn¡¯t seem to be going well. This larger sloth seemed to be the main one as it was a good bit taller than the ones I had encountered earlier. While Lemmin was doing a great job of hitting the thing. His hits only seemed to be against the thing''s strong legs as he was smart enough to keep his head away from the large club.  I pull up my action log hoping my mana has regenerated.


    _________________________


    You attack Prarie Dog II with Rusted Carving Knife for 21 hp.


    You attack Prarie Dog II with Rusted Carving Knife for 17 hp.


    Prarie Dog II has died.


    You have gained 57 XP.


    _________________________


    I realize I didn¡¯t set it up right at the screen quickly changes to the view I need but shows a big fat zero for mana. As I give another sigh I advance on their fight and have to move several feet to get a good view of the main beast. Sending an impulse to Smeed before throwing him, I watch as the beast anticipates my toss and deftly dodges Smeed¡¯s hit.


    Seemingly glad for me joining in on the action, Lemmin moves to the things side attempting to maybe hamstring him. I see the thing focus on Priss¡¯ temporarily exposed form and begin to do the telltale drawback of its head. Knowing the acid attack was on its way I pulled back Smeed to my hand and tried to start to run between where Pris stood. Knowing I couldn¡¯t make it I jumped while tossing Smeed at where the projectile would be coming from hoping my body would at least protect Priss.


    As I¡¯m in the air I can hear the splat of Smeed hitting the incoming projectile and the low pop as his flames ignited and moved to connect with the Sloth¡¯s head. I feel some of the liquid hit my forearms and don¡¯t have time to wince before I hit the ground just in front of Priss¡¯ feet. Summoning Smeed to my hands I look over at the sloth.


    While Smeed¡¯s attack had started a large fire across the animal¡¯s hide, the thing just didn¡¯t seem fazed as it shook its head to extinguish the flames before they caught too much. I toss Smeed again from where I lay just before trying to get to my feet.


    As I¡¯m finally up I hear Lemmin¡¯s deep voice call out from me, ¡°My eye is blighted. It fucking took me eye.¡±


    I looked over to Lemmin to see him holding his eye as whisps of smoke oozed out from his fingers the air was filled with a distinct sizzling that I remembered from earlier. Seeing his injury I gave a guttural yell that deafened my ears as I summoned Smeed back and advanced on the thing with my arms at the ready.


    Whether it¡¯s from the yell or the blood now pumping extra fast in my veins, the world goes completely silent. I send Smeed an idea while I get the thing¡¯s attention with a swipe of my carving knife. The irony of my blade carving into the thing¡¯s shoulder isn¡¯t lost on me as I repeat the process by both summoning Smeed back and cutting at the animal¡¯s head as it turned it my way.


    Using Smeed to impact the thing''s heavy paw I jump back looking over to where Lemmin held his eye. ¡°You ok?¡±


    ¡°I will be, just rip him a new arsehole for me?¡± Lemmin called from where he gasped. While I could feel her hands gripping at my pants as if wanting to move, Priss thankfully stayed by my side.


    When I heard his reply, I was already on my way to repeating my attacks on the thing. This time using Smeed to stun the sloth¡¯s head and followed up with a cross swipe at its front legs. It collapses under its weight as both my attacks seem to be combining to great effect.


    Getting an idea I think to Smeed, ¡°When I tell you to, flame on.¡±


    ¡°What am I, Johnny Storm?¡± Smeed asks from my hand.


    Wondering why my brother was feeding Smeed thirdrate Marvel superhero comics I look at the thing¡¯s mouth and try to time my next attack with its movement. When the opportunity opens I give a cross slice on the thing''s mouth with my knife with successive slices at its side when its mouth opens wide. I take the opportunity to shove Smeed into the thing¡¯s overly stretched mouth and yell, ¡°NOW.¡±


    Rather than Smeed shooting his flame from one surface, he fired it across his whole form. The instant blaze growled out of the sloth¡¯s mouth, then his nose, and eventually lit the whole head on fire. Smeed cleared his throat from where he was still in the thing¡¯s mouth and I recalled him.


    Before I have a chance to reply to Smeed I hear Lemmin¡¯s groans coming from my side and I kneel by his side. Gripping Smeed I ask him to fill it with water, hold Lemmin¡¯s hand, and guide it to the pan before speaking, ¡°Please use this to flush the wound.¡±


    Lemmin looks up at me and I finally see the full extent of the sloth¡¯s attack. A splash-shaped mark of raw white flesh was still crackling as he gave low long breaths. He absently uses his large hands to place water onto the wounds. I check my action log just to make sure we¡¯re in the clear.


    _________________________


    Party Member: Lemmin attacks Prarie Dog Alpha with Fence Post for 13 hp.


    You attack Prarie Dog Alpha with Runic Construct for 19 hp.


    You critically attack Prarie Dog Alpha with Runic Construct for 29 hp.


    Runic Construct uses Fire on Prarie Dog Alpha for 9 hp.


    Prarie Dog Alpha has died.


    You have gained 79 xp.


    _________________________


    Finally feeling like I can relax I sit down on my ass next to where Lemmin continued to flush his eyes off. I can see Priss walk up to her brother¡¯s form and pat his back with her small hand. She continues to do so as her other hand reaches into his bag and pulls out the same salve that they had given me for my arm.


    Gliding my hands through my hair I let my shoulders sink before letting out a long and slow sigh of relief.  Seeking some peace, I close my eyes for a second to relax. Lemmin¡¯s yells instantly bring me back to attention as Priss starts to yell along with him.

 Chapter 10

    Jumping into action, I sit up and crawl over to kneel beside Lemmin. Looking down at him I can see that his skin has continued to tighten further with the sizzling sound continuing to fill the air. I could visibly see some of the pale skin starting to web out from the initial impact on his face.


    He must have seen the look on my face as he said, ¡°Don¡¯t worry mate, it¡¯s just a flesh wound.¡± For some reason, he starts laughing at that and it sounds hoarse and seems to irritate his wound as he curses, ¡°Ashen shit dogs.¡±


    I pull out the bit of pork from my bag that I was keeping for myself and offer it to Lemmin. ¡°This will give you some hit points back. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s going on with your eye but all I can think is trying to use my skill to maybe boost you up somehow. Until then Priss, just try to keep his eye clean and let that water flow away from his face onto the ground.¡± The small curt nod she gave over from where she stood told me everything I needed to know. Lil Mama was well on her way to becoming a big mama.


    As she goes to do her thing I begin looking around for anything edible that I could find. Looking out into the wilderness, I curse at the lack of my glowing herbology skill showing up for anything other than the cornfield to one side. As I walk towards the swamp side I trip over one of the sloths and sigh. My lip curled up to mirror my feeling of ¡®Do not want¡¯ that was moistening up my being.


    ¡°Smeed, any suggestions you can send my way on sloths being eaten would be greatly appreciated.¡± As I wait for his answer I begin poking at its hide with my knife.


    ¡°Dev, we need something faster than that.¡± I looked over to where Lemmin¡¯s legs were hitting the floor repeatedly as he struggled to hold in the pain he was feeling.


    ¡°Damnit,¡± comes out of my mouth as I look back over at the corn. Vegetarian it is.


    Grabbing two of the stalks in my hand I move back over to where the siblings lay together. I quickly look over the plant in front of me and figure out what might be usable within the stalk, vines, and peppercorns of the plant. Surprisingly enough, it looked like each might offer their flavors to anything I created.


    ¡°May I have the pan for a few minutes, I need to try something. I¡¯ll try to give you water as much as I can,¡± I try to get out.


    ¡°He¡¯s my flock, I will tend to him,¡± were the solemn words that came out of her mouth as a water bottle was produced from somewhere on her being.


    There was a smile that tried to break Lemmin¡¯s face, it was unfortunately followed by the sharp intake of breath soon after. I gave him a solemn nod of my head that I hoped instilled in him some kind of comfort.


    Turning from them I place Smeed down and run towards the swamp to grab some of the dead kindling found there along with any more substantial bits I could find. Setting them up I place Smeed on top and he works his magic as I think of my approach to all this. First was cooking the corn I guess to soften. I sent over to Smeed for about a quarter cup of water to be added to the pot as I worked on taking off the red and green leaves that covered the peppercorn I was seeking.


    The peppercorns revealed are small, plump, and gorgeous. I can¡¯t help but plop one in my mouth to taste the flavor and it¡¯s surprisingly somewhat bland. I¡¯m grateful for how soft they seem and put the whole now-shucked ear of corn into the shallow bit of boiling water. I then worked the orange pods from the yellow vine that crawled up the stalk. A couple of the kernels are burst in the process and my nose begins to tingle from the spicy cloud of dust that was released. I shake my head and realize less than one would probably be more than enough.


    I let the boil continue as I shake some of the bulb¡¯s contents into the water in hopes of blanching some of its flavor into the corn itself. Letting it do its thing for a few minutes I look over to Lemmin and can see that he has calmed down some as his sister glides her hand through his hair.


    She begins to hum a melody that I can¡¯t quite place but seems to quiet the area around us. A wash of serenity flows across me as I can feel a change in my breathing as a few much-needed breaths are taken. Lemmin¡¯s grunt brings me back to the job at hand and I go back into action mode. Hoping that at least some of that intense spice was introduced to the corn I asked Smeed to raise his heat some and I turned the ear to make sure the last of the liquid was infused into each side.


    The extra heat quickly evaporates the water and I go about toasting each part of the corn letting them char some. I look back off into the swamp again as if hoping for some magical veggie to pop up on my hud. Moving my sight to the field side doesn¡¯t yield anything better and I sigh. Patting my person I come across the remains of the corn cake from earlier.


    Looking between the pan and the cake I shrug before crumbling up the sweet and savory cake and spreading it over the surface slowly, using the pan the sear in each coating of the cake as I turned the ear in the pan. The process made the whole ear sheen somewhat when I was done and I nodded at my work.


    The self-admiration didn¡¯t last for too long as I felt my body begin to walk over to kneel by the two Proppas on autopilot. ¡°I wish I could cool this off some but,¡± I present Smeed to the two of them.


    Priss¡¯ hand reaches into the pan and grabs the corn in her small fist. ¡°It¡¯s cool ¡®nuff. Ma¡¯ always says, if ya can¡¯t stand the heat, you¡¯re probably a man.¡±


    I know better than to even reply to little Proppa¡¯s sage advice and watch as her hand doesn¡¯t flinch from the no doubt extremely hot sugar that was seared onto the corn¡¯s surface from the cake. She does blow it some before offering it to Lemmin.


    His first bite is a slow and somewhat laborious one. The second came quicker and was significantly more deliberate. His hands replaced Priss¡¯ for the third and fourth bites, twisting the cobb in his hand as he did so. It takes between three and five more bites before the whole thing is gone, core all all. His body feels the need to champion his impressive gastral feat with a thunderous belch.


    ¡°What in the budding hell was that?¡± Lemmin says between shoving his fingers in his mouth to lick them clean. ¡°Seriously mate, that right class.¡± The sucking sound with each successive finger borders on the obscene. ¡°What the hell, my face ¡®as gone all tingly.¡± Lemmin takes his freshly cleaned fingers and softly pats at the edges of the wound.


    Leaning in I look at Lemmin¡¯s face and can see that some of the skin was now beginning to show a paler that more closely matched his normal skin tone. After examining the wound I say, ¡°My cooking sometimes has positive effects. It¡¯s why I went to grab what I could. This seems to be mending you at least some.¡± As a reply, Lemmin pulls his hands away on his own.


    ¡°What¡¯d you put in my brother¡¯s food?¡± Priss was by my side with her small knife held tightly in her fist.


    ¡°Nothing, seriously. It¡¯s a skill, I swear.¡± Realizing my log might have what I need I pull it up.


    _________________________


    You begin cooking peppercorn and pepperbulbs.


    You add corn cake to peppercorn and pepperbulbs.


    You have successfully created queen¡¯s cob (Superior)


    You gain 25 xp.


    Party member Lemmin consumes queen¡¯s cob (Superior) and gains 40 hp.


    _________________________


    Seeing that Priss was already back to tending her brother I sent over to Smeed, ¡°Hey, wouldn¡¯t Lemmin already know the effects of the corn on his screen?¡±


    ¡°We attempted allowing them a bit more autonomy like that but most of our early AI agents just refused to accept their world once they had access to the screen. It was almost like they immediately knew the strings behind their world and it broke any sense of realism we were hoping for. Many simply stopped doing anything while others attempted to find ways into the system, kinda like you did.¡± I can feel that last bit coated in his judgment.


    ¡°Interesting,¡± I look over to where the siblings talked and Lemmin begins to look a bit more lively. ¡°But wait, they said they had skills. How would they know that?¡±


    ¡°They might not be as accepting of UI-based systems, but there¡¯s something about a voice in your head telling you something that tends to stick with you. So, where you can see a list of your skills as you level. They hear them, and thankfully since they don''t have that pesky meat storage to deal with, they hear once and simply know from that point on what they¡¯re capable of.¡±


    While that brought up questions of whether everyone in this world was super intelligent I instead moved back over to the siblings and looked closer at Lemmin¡¯s eye. While he was not fully healed, I could tell that he was on the mend. ¡°How are you doing?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Thanks to you mate, I¡¯m getting there.¡± Looking over at Priss he looks back over to me, ¡°Sorry, she¡¯s a bit protective.¡±


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be proppa to not stand by a Proppa. He¡¯s got two eyes anyways.¡± She punches his arm with her tiny fist before fully enveloping it with her arms with her eyes clenched tightly.


    ¡°Seriously though, that food, I ain¡¯t never had anything like that.¡± Lemmin continues.


    ¡°Thank you, it¡¯s one of my cooking-related skills. I¡¯ve seen it heal before and looks to be working on your eye some.¡±


    Offering his hand up to me, I shake it smiling back down at him and he smoothly corrects the handshake and changes it to us grasping each other¡¯s forearms. ¡°Well shite, if that¡¯s the type of magic you¡¯re packing then maybe being a scullery maid ain''t half bad a class.¡±


    I ignore his comment and smile at him, ¡°It¡¯s honestly growing on me.¡± Smeed is twirling in my hands unconsciously as we talk. Realizing the sudden exhaustion I was feeling I leaned back next to Lemmin. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to take a load off for a minute.¡±


    ¡°Mate, do whatever ya have to. Your arms were an ashen blur with the attacks you were giving that tosser.¡± I can feel his eyes judging me as he looks me up and down. ¡°A bloke your size doesn¡¯t seem like he¡¯d have that kind of speed.¡±


    ¡°What the hell does that mean?¡± I asked, looking down at my body.


    ¡°It means you¡¯re deceptively quick is all mate. No reason to get your knickers all in a twist. Just relax like you said. Ya ashen deserves it for sure.¡± He replies letting his shoulders visibly fall.


    Following his lead I feel my shoulders slump as I finally take a few breaths for myself. The leveling-up ding is almost deafening. Opening up my eyes I pull up my screen and take a look at my character sheet.


    _________________________


    Character: Dev


    Race: Human


    Class: Runic Cook Level 3


    Might: 10


    Agility: 10


    Grit: 10


    Magic: 10


    Allure: 10


    Unspent MAGMA Pts: 3


    HP: 100


    MP: 100


    Armor: Farmhand Set (+1 phys Def)


    _________________________


    Updated Skill Descriptions


    Dual Wield Acolyte (Passive): You have become adept at wielding a weapon in each hand. Melee attacks have +2 to dmg when dual-wielding.


    Culinary Herbology II (Passive): Usable cooking ingredients are now named and highlighted with short descriptions in the environment (Can be customized).


    Fast Hands II (Passive): Along with a quicker slicing ability, consecutive attacks on a single enemy will result in an increased chance of critical damage. +1% per 3 strikes.


    Anatomy Acolyte (Skill): Your ability to understand and capitalize on anatomical weaknesses in enemies will now assist you in targeted ranged attacks. 5 MP/attack.


    Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Comfort Food II (Magic): Your skill has increased to where your creations now may take on your intended effects as you are making them. 2 MP/Sec for infusion.


    _________________________


    Smeed seems to be trying to head off my possible grumblings with his usual upbeat interpretation of my leveled-up skills as he says, ¡°You have magic! ¡±


    That was way more enthusiastic than I was picturing, ¡°Calm down Smeed, it doesn''t even have a direct effect, just a probability of something being infused. What does my ¡®intended effects¡¯ even mean? I¡¯m glad I have my focused attack ability so that should help a ton. Between that, the dual wield stuff, and everything else? I should be just fine.¡±


    ¡°Oh, good. May I suggest you also allocate your MAGMA points? I can explain thresholds to you so you can properly choose how to assign them.¡± Smeed sends to me just as I was mentally seeing if I could get all of them assigned to Magic. As I do so another bit of text highlights on my screen. Smeed continues, ¡°Or you could do that.¡±


    _________________________


    You have assigned 3 points to Magic.


    You now have 13 points in Magic.


    //////////////////////////////////////////////////


    You have hit a new Arcane threshold!


    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


    Mana costs are now 5% less and Mana regeneration is increased by 1/sec.


    Please choose which spell to add to your skills. Each costs 20 MP and causes 2 magical dmg/sec time spent within their spell effect.


    Nimbus Bolt: Static buildup causes a sparking cloud in a 5¡¯ area within your vision. Lasts 5 secs.


    Cyclonic Burst: Swirling winds are created in a 10¡¯ area around you. Lasts 5 secs.


    _________________________


    A grin as wide as the Grinch¡¯s begins to curl its way across my face as the sweet feeling of choice grips my gaming heart. Smeed decides to cut into my thoughts as I¡¯m already feeling myself drawn to the Nimbus spell.


    ¡°As I was attempting to say. You hit thresholds at 11 points in any of your MAGMA stats. I was about to suggest you split your allocation between any of the ones you feel would benefit your playstyle most.¡± Smeed said in a totally not condescending way.


    ¡°While the information is a bit late to help me now, I¡¯m sure that¡¯s my fault. Now, any thoughts on these?¡± I reply looking between the two spells I get to choose between.


    ¡°Both are basic spells but aren¡¯t bad overall. You¡¯ve already influenced the system so far so I¡¯d suggest going with your gut feeling as the idiom goes.¡± Smeed replies.


    It takes a few seconds to sink in but I realize Smeed has a point and go against my initial thought and choose Cyclonic Burst. ¡°I¡¯ll be honest Smeed, things just got a little more fun for me. As you said, it¡¯s already been a ride, who knows where things will go from here.¡±


    ¡°Hey mate, you alright?¡± Lemmin calls over from where he sat beside me.


    ¡°What, yes are you alright?¡± I ask in return.


    ¡°I¡¯ve called your name a few times as you¡¯ve stared off like one of those dogs knocked your skull or somethin¡¯.¡± He replies, making me shake my head. I need to stop letting Smeed make me talk to him.


    ¡°You don¡¯t mean that,¡± Smeed replies.


    ¡°Smeed, the mind reading is annoying.¡± I look over at Lemmin who¡¯s staring at me again.


    ¡°There goes that look again. I swear, you ashen travelers.¡± He begins to stand up and look back and forth between the northern part of the field and back toward the home. ¡°Whatcha think, we head back towards the farm or see if there¡¯s any more of these bastards about?¡± His kick at the alpha sloth has it flipping twice towards the side of the path.


    ¡°Does anyone eat those?¡± I ask, hoping to find something to do with that much, seemingly, cookable meat.


    ¡°I have never preferred eating these dogs but if you¡¯re in a pinch and ain¡¯t afraid of a bit of a chew to your meat, these couldn¡¯t hurt you I guess.¡± He blinks his bad eye a few times and winces a bit less than he had before. ¡°I¡¯m as good as I¡¯m probably gonna get, no need to go playing at a kitchen drudge again.¡±


    Letting my emotions take control, I reply ¡°See, you¡¯re calling me names. We¡¯ll see if I¡¯ll let you try any of my food again.¡±


    ¡°If you want to go eating on soil slop, you have your way.¡± He says switching his weight from one leg to the other. ¡°But I¡¯ve had to eat those tough bastards during the worst of winters and I¡¯d not suggest it to anyone. You¡¯re likely to break a tooth as you tire your jaw gnawing on prairie meat.¡± With that, he seems to return his attention to Priss who was admonishing him whenever he seems to wince from his struggles.


    ¡°If I might add Dev, I¡¯d say it¡¯s worth a try if you have anything pickling in your head. I¡¯m excited to see what leveling it could lead to.¡± Smeed says with excitement. ¡°Would you like to see my updated skills?¡±


    ¡°Wait, you leveled and didn¡¯t tell me? Of course, I do.¡± I look up at my screen excited for the update. It doesn¡¯t disappoint.


    _________________________


    Character: Smeed


    Race: Sentient Construct


    Class: Runic Weapon Level 3


    Might: 5


    Agility: 1


    Grit: 100


    Magic: 5


    Allure: 20


    HP: 1000


    MP: 50


    Damage (Physical):


    Armor: Iron Clad +100


    New Skills:


    Full Absorption ¡Þ


    Main Pan ¡Þ


    Quick Snack


    Babbling Brook ¡Þ


    Kinetic Strike I


    Cinder Blast


    _________________________


    Updated Skill Descriptions


    Full Absorption (Passive): You may now taste items within your form if you choose to absorb them. Expelling them when you choose.


    Main Pan (Passive): Your form can now be changed to any cookware shape that can be up to twice your current weight. The current material cannot be changed.


    Quick Snack (Skill): When needed, you can magically infuse items being cooked within your form. An investment of 15 MP will lower the process by half the normal process.


    Babbling Brook (Passive): Water consumed from your water spell now has additional nutrients for all those who partake in your refreshments.


    Kinetic Strike (Passive/Skill): Kinetic force stored and released at a time of your choice. Can be used for equivalent propulsion or 3-5 additional damage phys on attacks.


    Cinder Blast (Spell): Create a burst of flame throughout your surface for 10-15 pts of additional magical damage. Each burst costs 7 MP.


    _________________________


    ¡°I should be speechless but I know better at this point. You are one badass pan. I¡¯d almost think you were cheating if I knew you just didn¡¯t have it in you.¡± Sitting there amazed I continue looking at his list of new skills.


    ¡°Honestly Dev, I am a bit thankful for this experience so far. While I do not cherish the banging about you make me do, I do enjoy just being able to. I¡¯m not sure how to put it. Perhaps, play? Yes, I enjoy finally being able to just play like this.¡± Smeed says with his voice full of joy again.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing a damn good job so far to be honest.¡± I mentally reply while giving him a twirl. ¡°Well even if I have to guide you from time to time.¡±


    ¡°Guide me?¡± Suddenly Smeed is spinning in my hand in the same motion I had done and I have to use both my hands to catch him.


    Looking over at the siblings and try to give my best deprecating grin as I barely catch it before it hits the ground. ¡°Butter fingers.¡±


    ¡°Butta? You brought butta way out here?¡± Lemmin gives a long look at my midsection before shaking his head, ¡°Yeah I can see where it¡¯s going. Go at it, mate.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s saying.¡± Before I get any caught up. ¡°We should probably get back towards the farm I reckon.¡±


    ¡°You takin¡¯ the piss?¡± Lemmin replies standing up to his full height.


    ¡°What? What did I say?¡± I reply trying to figure out what I did to piss him off.


    He lowers his face, showing off the still-injured flesh around his eye. It looks menacing but it all changes as a big smile breaks his stern face. ¡°Just messin'' with ya mate. But I know you travelers use that reckon shite to mock us farm folk. No need for that bollocks.¡± He offers his arm. ¡°We¡¯s family at this point.¡±


    ¡°Til he gives us a reason to change that fact,¡± Priss calls from between his legs. To emphasize her point the small dagger is bounced from hand to hand before it disappears back into her clothing. It¡¯s gotta be a skill, or just practice? How does a girl her age get that much practice?


    Standing up I turn and look towards the alpha sloth¡¯s body and realize it was too heavy to haul all that way back. I instead look at the other animals in the clearing, finally picking out the smallest one.


    ¡°Dammit man you really shouldn¡¯t go to all that effort. I know you¡¯re a class cook and all but these will take an ashen miracle or better yet a curse to even get close to edible.¡± Lemmin said as he loomed over me.


    ¡°Well, a great man once said, ¡®It always seems impossible until it¡¯s done.¡¯ and I believe that¡¯s true,¡± I said recalling a quote from a paper I wrote on Nelson Mandela.


    ¡°Whoever said that hadn¡¯t tasted one of these bastards.¡± In one smooth motion, the animal is thrown over his shoulder as Priss climbs up his body onto the other shoulder. He somehow seems just at home with all that extra weight.


    ¡°Wow, thank you. You don¡¯t have to do that Lemmin.¡± I say looking up at him.


    ¡°Least I can do for your help with all the dogs. Though, it¡¯d be a great help if you could  drop off all them in the bog.¡± Lemmin says with a smile.


    Looking at the other bodies I nod my head knowing that he probably had the rougher of the two jobs. Expecting Lemmin to wait for me I look up to where he had already started walking. ¡°Wait for me!.¡±


    He doesn¡¯t look back as he continues making his way in the direction of the farm. ¡°You could have gotten one in the bog already mate. I got an eye to get mended and a sister to take care of.¡± Priss brandishes her dagger at me for some reason over her brother¡¯s shoulder towards me with a grin.


    Grumbling to myself I start tossing them into the bog and he¡¯s right about the task going quickly. It¡¯s easy to forget how much strength I now have just by my elevated strength. I even grin as I use my power throw on the last two making them fly a few dozen feet off into the bog each time.


    Rather than linger too long I began running back towards the farm and quickly caught up to the siblings who were singing what sounded like a drinking song.


    ¡°Ashes fall on the snow¡¯s first dust, As our King has gone to rust. Watch the embers blight the sky, Soon her light will lift us high.¡± They sang together.


    Priss continued along with her brother, beginning to slap a beat on the skin of the sloth on his shoulder. ¡°Lift us high, she¡¯ll lift us high. Hethar¡¯s love be the guiding light.¡± The song seems to break out with Priss singing alone making a beat on the body of the sloth with a slap slap sound.


    ¡°High, high, high. Mother guides us high.¡± As she sees me walk up next to them she stops and looks down.


    ¡°Sorry didn¡¯t mean to interrupt your hymns,¡± I reply, smiling up at her.


    ¡°Hymns, what you on about?¡± She replies from Lemmin¡¯s shoulder.


    ¡°The song you were singing, it sounded like something I¡¯ve heard before is all,¡± I reply to cover myself.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t hear nothin''.¡± She answers before looking towards where we are walking.


    ¡°Don¡¯t mind her none. She doesn''t like the voice she was blessed with. Do ya Prissibel?¡± Lemmin calls up to his sister in a mocking tone.


    ¡°If you¡¯re looking for your other eye to match the prairie dog spit one, keep messin¡¯ with me.¡± Her knife is produced and is flipped in the air to be caught by the same small hand that puts it away immediately.


    ¡°Mama¡¯s little songbird,¡± Lemmin says just before Priss¡¯ hand slaps against his head. ¡°Prissibel Pragma Proppa, do that one more time and you¡¯re walking the rest of the way.¡±


    She flicks his ear and does a flip off his back that would have impressed any pro wrestling scout. She lands in a superhero pose that¡¯s just as impressive as the flip before looking up at us both. ¡°Sod off the both of you.¡± She darts towards me to kick me in my shin before doing the same to Lemmin and running off before us towards the farm.


    ¡°What did I do?¡± I call out to her form that is quickly putting distance between us. Looking up at Lemmin, I ask, ¡° I meant no harm, it was just a solemn song that reminded me of ones I heard growing up. What was the song about?¡±


    Clearing his throat, Lemmin laughs, ¡°It¡¯s just an old tale of Esslem¡¯s first Queen. Light the way.¡± His follow-up of the phrasing seemed almost robotic, or rather maybe more like a habit.


    ¡°What did she do exactly? What did that rust part mean?¡± I ask, trying to remember the parts of the lyrics I heard.


    ¡°Mate, they¡¯re just lyrics to an old story. Ain¡¯t in the mood for no history lesson.¡± He spits a red glob of saliva out into the bog on our side. ¡°Not getting or giving them.¡±


    ¡°Sorry just curious.¡± I try to kick a rock and almost trip in the process. Catching myself I get back lock step with Lemmin.


    The rest of the walk to the farm is quiet on my and Lemmin¡¯s fronts. Unfortunately, Smeed had caught the spirit as he was continuing to alternate between Priss¡¯ lyrics and his made-up ones.


    ¡°High high high, Mother guides us high. Low low low, Devin¡¯s way too slow,¡± comes from Smeed as I carry him at my side.


    ¡°Enough with the gospel music.¡± I sent over to Smeed.


    ¡°I¡¯d consider this mournful folk music.¡± He clears his throat before continuing to sing, ¡°I¡¯m gonna lay down my pan and knife, down by the counter side, down by the counter side, down by the counter side. I¡¯m gonna¡­¡±


    Cutting him off, ¡°Damnit Smeed, enough already, we¡¯re almost to the farm anyway.


    ¡°How rude, I was just going with Miss Prissibel¡¯s music,¡± was Smeed¡¯s reply.


    ¡°I¡¯ll meet you at the showers,¡± Lemmin called over to me with a grunt as he walked off as soon as we hit the main compound.


    ¡°Yeap, see you at the,¡± was all I got out as a large fist filled my vision as it connected with my face/jaw/a little bit of everything. My feet are thrown up in the air as I¡¯m tossed back for what felt like at least ten feet.


    Squinting my eyes I look up trying to see the culprit and almost look up the long gown worn by the Proppa Matriarch. Trying to back up from her and the view her leg purposefully moves towards my chest and pushes me back down onto the dust. Her other arm reaches towards Lemmin, who seemed to have walked over during my flight and pulls him over to her by the side of his collar.


    Peering into the wound on his face she sucks in her teeth multiple times. ¡°Rat bastards, all of them.¡±


    ¡°We killed them ma, don''t you worry.¡± Lemmin sputtered from where he stood.


    Even though she stood a good foot shorter than her son her presence was that of someone who easily dwarfed his size and strength. ¡°At what cost Lem, at what cost.¡± Her hand glides across his cheek and her voice softens, ¡°My dear boy. You know what they can do.¡±


    ¡°May I get up Miss Proppa.¡± I call up from where I lay.


    ¡°No! This is your fault. We would not have been out there had it not been for you! Or at least had someone with more ability. Even myself.¡± Each word seems to be followed with a stomp by her substantial bare foot.


    ¡°Please,¡± I try to reply as I cough up the dust that is now being tossed up from her stomping. I was halfway tempted to see if I was being injured by her tantrum.


    Putting his hand on her shoulder Lemmin speaks to his mom, ¡°He saved me, I don¡¯t know what Priss said. But I¡¯m serious, he did nothin¡¯ that I wouldn¡¯t have done. If anything I was grateful he thought so quickly.¡± Lemmin winced as he unconsciously touched the tender skin around his eye.


    ¡°Priss only told me you were hurt and I know how those travelers are.¡± The sneer she gives me shakes me to my soul. Something told me that a lack of a weapon would not hold back this woman from devastating me.


    ¡°Mama, he made food that helped me. He ain¡¯t like most of them arseholes.¡± He pleaded to Mama.


    Mama Proppa opens her mouth as if to speak before looking down at me. Her foot first lessens its pressure before fully drawing off of me. Lemmin offers me a meaty hand that easily pulls me up onto my feet as his frown turns to a slight smile. The slap on the back which was probably meant as reassurance, had me stumbling a foot to get my balance.


    ¡°I need to hear the full story,¡± she looked me up and down in a way that made me uncomfortable. ¡°But for now, what you got planned for that gob shite of a carcass?¡± Mama asks, pointing at the Prarie Dog''s body.

 Chapter 11

    She laughed. Not just laughed, she practically vibrated as I told her what I had planned for the meat from the sloth. Her guffaws echoed in the makeshift courtyard between the buildings as dust began billowing up from where her feet stomped a few times. ¡°Good luck with that,¡± came out of her almost as one word. She shook her head and began her walk back towards the main home still chuckling to herself.


    I watched her leave and kinda felt insulted. The way I looked at it, even if I failed with my dish, I was still planning to make as much of the ¡°Queen¡¯s Cob¡± as I could, though I may give it a rebranding when I serve it up. I¡¯m hoping I can get the flavor closer to the Mexican street corn I¡¯ve had at the best Taquerias across NYC.


    As I took the walk of shame to the shower house, I heard Momma yell, ¡°Lemmin, whatever knocked you upside your head¡¯s got you daft if you think that pot scrubber''s gonna get anything worth eatin¡¯ of that overgrown rat.¡± The laugh and mocking lasted throughout her walk to her house and was barely contained by the slamming screen door behind her.


    My mind ignores the noise and instead focuses on the methods I would use for cooking the sloth. The tough flesh that Smeed described means probably treating it like a shank or some stew. Maybe get a good broth going and braise the meat in an oven. I¡¯m positive that would make a good dent in the innate toughness of the meat.


    This isn¡¯t a perfect plan, but I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll give me the best chance to get the meat tender. While I¡¯m not sure what seasoning I¡¯ll use, that¡¯s a problem for post-shower Dev. Looking down at my red-strewn body, it¡¯s time for a nice long shower.


    After a few steps into the building, the sound of water comes from the back right side of the run of shower stalls. It gives me pause and a few moments pass before a deep voice calls from the side with the running water. ¡°You must be that shy bloke from the forest Lem and Priss was talking ¡®bout. Pull up a stream and go at it, mate.¡± As I take a few steps the voice calls out again, ¡°Scrub those bits n¡¯ bobs.¡± The guffawing that hit my ears felt like it was for a joke I wasn¡¯t in on.


    The awkwardness makes me quicken my step and I try to get through my shower before they¡¯re done. I peel off my clothing and hang it on the provided hooks before stepping into the open shower stall. Grabbing the sweet corn-smelling bar of soap from the ledge on the shower, I fiddle with the runes on the pipes leading up to the shower head. Each glows with the water getting colder when the blue rune is touched and warmer with the red one. It wasn¡¯t the easiest thing to figure out the first time and was hard to get right this time.


    It feels amazing. The type of shower that has you closing your eyes and wanting to sing. Maybe that was just me, but it was pretty damn tempting right now. It was my way of grounding myself when things were at their most stressful. The thought has me realizing how I feel right now. Tilting my head towards each shoulder then forward and back has me unconsciously let out a high-pitched moan as a few cracks occur.


    "You over there having a bit of a tug, mate?" the guy called over from the other side.


    Water fills my mouth and threatens to choke me as I sputter to think up an answer and only come out with, ¡°What? Sorry, uhm, what¡¯s your name?¡±


    ¡°Mate, I¡¯m here to get me nethers clean, not make friends. Damn ashen Travelers.¡± The voice calls over to me making me grumble as I work to finish up my wash as quickly as I can.


    As I reach up to turn and fiddle around with the runes until the water ceases, the paleness of my wound catches my eye and I stop to look at it. It wasn¡¯t looking any more healed, but I¡¯d say maybe there was less paleness to the sick-looking thing. Repeating my earlier mistakes, I prod my arm with a finger and my whole arm stings with the touch. Yes, I¡¯m that dumb.


    Grabbing one of the many towels piled up on a couple of shelves on the wall opposite the showers, I wrap it around my waist. I have to grasp at the towel twice to keep it from falling as I look over my now-soiled uniform. Grabbing it into a bundle I toss it into the convenient hamper sitting further down the wall and listen for any sounds of the other showerer. Once satisfied I was alone, I headed into the locker room to grab a clean uniform.


    I slowly make my way into the room and I¡¯m glad to see it¡¯s empty. Making my way to the uniform stacks, I grab the pieces I need and start to turn with my pile.


    "What you doing there, boyo?" comes from behind me in that same deep voice that makes me jump, dropping my towel. Instantly, it¡¯s back up as I see who the owner of the voice was.


    ¡°Priss, what the hell?¡± Comes out of me in a that I¡¯m not proud of making.


    She continues in the same deep voice, ¡°What the hell are you doing with our uniforms? Didn¡¯t Mama already give you your one?¡± She eyes me with a look that couldn¡¯t have been pulled off any better by someone twice her age. Her arms even get crossed as she leans in towards me with the last bit.


    ¡°Well yeah, but I returned those so I figured I could grab a replacement,¡± I replied trying to tie my towel a little better around my waist.


    "You ain¡¯t got nothing I ain¡¯t already seen on a baby clotrat," she continues talking as she walks over to the nearest mirror and sink and looks directly at me using the reflection to do so. "Ya better get to scrubbing then, boyo, ''cause ya ain¡¯t gonna be getting no more."


    ¡°Really? That¡¯s some BS.¡± I say looking between the immaculate uniforms and the hamper where I tossed the dirty clothing into.


    "What¡¯s a BS?" Priss says with curiosity as she comes closer to me.


    "It¡¯s slang where I come from, but no matter. How¡¯d your voice change like that so easily?" I reply.


    ¡°What, this?¡± She replies with a deep voice emphasis on the ¡®this¡¯. She finishes with, ¡°It¡¯s my intimidating voice ability,¡± in her normal voice.


    ¡°Interesting, does it do anything other than sound scary as all hell?¡± I ask eying the fresh clothes again. ¡°Any chance of getting a second set just this? I did help your brother.¡±


    "If my memory serves me correctly, it was your pan that made that sloth glob shite be thrown at him," she replies with her normal voice but somehow sounds more intimidating this way. "I have every right to seek at least some revenge for that." Her small knife is in her hand one second and backs away the next.


    "Prissibel. It wasn¡¯t his fault, we were in the middle of fightin¡¯ and he did what he could," Lemmin said as he entered the room. He continued, "Besides, he¡¯d have his pan in his hand before you landed the first hit." His laughter followed him out of the room and what I presumed were the showers.


    I was corrected as his full forced use of the toilets filled the silence between Priss and me. Looking over at her, I grab one of the pairs of pants, and she crosses her arms with a knife gripped in each of her fists. She looks down at my legs, which makes me feel uncomfortable before she says, ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure I could cut a few tendons before you even got your pan out.¡± One knife is reluctantly put away as the other is flipped into the air and caught by her hand. ¡°Tempt me, travel wanker. I dare ya.¡± She doesn¡¯t wait for an answer as she walks away from me and swings her head towards the clothes. ¡°Grab it, no one wants to see any of that.¡±


    She doesn¡¯t look back at me as I wait for her to leave before heading over to grab the clothes I need again. Trying to ignore the rest of Lemmin¡¯s sounds I go about getting the clean uniform on. The bathroom noises change to a shower being turned as Lemmin begins whistling some tune as a rough scrubbing sound fills the air.


    Once I¡¯m done I get over to the center and begin pushing my hair back with my wet fingertips. While the curls were always hard to tame, the water at least helped some. As I¡¯m finally happy with the results I begin to head out of the room and hit hard into Lemmin coming full force into the room. He doesn¡¯t stop and heads straight to where is locker is.


    As I try to continue my walk out he called over, ¡°Mate, I was serious ¡®bout what I said to Priss. You have some major skills there. I ain¡¯t no stick waving type but I can tell you got you somethin¡¯ there between that pan and other shite. I¡¯m glad you were there to help. This coulda been lots worse.¡± He points towards his still gruesome-looking eye.


    His first words had me turning my head, but the last compliments stopped me fully as he brought a smile to my face. ¡°I wish I could''ve done more, to be honest.¡±


    Lemmin pulls off his towel without warning as he continues, ¡°I hate those ashenfell buggers but there ain¡¯t shit to be done now, am I right?¡± As Lemmin stood stark nude in front of me, I turned away from the mesmerizing ¡®swing¡¯ that followed each of his words.


    ¡°Yep, you¡¯re right. I think I¡¯m going to see you outside.¡± I stutter my answer.


    "Aye, That reminds me, Ma wants you up at the main house." He doesn¡¯t look back at me as he walks past with everything still out in the air. Averting my eyes again, I focus on a bug perched in one of the corners. It only stands out from its surroundings by the grayish-white outline that covers its carapace. That outline bleeds to black toward its center where a dark red serves as a border between the two halves. Lemmin¡¯s voice calls over, and I look to see his bare ass pointed at me. "Better make it quick, she ain¡¯t one for waiting on someone summoned. Especially when they¡¯re the help. Good luck, mate."


    Ignoring Lemmin¡¯s cheeky show I quickly head out the front of the wash house. I¡¯m halfway to what Lemmin called the ¡°main house¡± before I realize I had left Smeed by the showers. Summoning him to my hand, his tirade began, ¡°That brute used me to scrub himself, Dev. You so thoughtlessly left me by the shower and he used me to scrub everywhere, do you hear me Dev? Everywhere!¡±


    Looking down at Smeed, I say, ¡°Oh buddy, I¡¯m so sorry. What happened? It was only a few minutes.¡± I replied, slowly spinning him to inspect his surface as I made my way to the main house.


    "It was enough, more than enough time for him to not only wash his body with me but also to fondle me for a good while doing that vile squatting you humans are so fond of. He had the audacity to prod my bottom while doing so. Have you had your bottom prodded? I liked it not one bit." Smeed replies in a tirade.


    ¡°That¡¯s a personal question, but I¡¯m sorry. You¡¯re back safe in my arms,¡± I reply as I cradle Smeed using my finger to tickle a pretend chin. ¡°Big ole mean farmboy won''t ever get you again.¡±


    "What did you say about my brother?" comes up from behind me and makes me jump a bit further than I''d like to admit. "Wow, I didn''t even use my skill for that one," calls up from where she stood."


    ¡°Whatever, I just slipped,¡± I said before turning to cautiously walk up the steps onto the porch. As my hand reaches out for the front door¡¯s handle, my hand freezes by its doorknob. I¡¯m suddenly scared of what the eldest Proppa has in store for me. Before the emotion takes hold, in unison, the Proppa behind me and the Proppa from within the house called out, ¡°Get your arse in already.¡±


    Turning towards the younger of the two voices, I make a gesture towards Priss that I hope carries over from my world. She replies with a knife flourish and says, "Go on, get before I make you."


    "No one likes a bully," I say as I grab hold of the doorknob, turn to open, and enter.


    "Your ma¡¯s a bully!" is called out towards me by Priss using her Intimidating Voice skill.


    ¡°Prissibel Proppa, are you fittin'' to get that behind of yours scorched? You know the rules. Must I enforce them?¡± Mama Proppa said without using any kind of skill but sounding just as imposing as the power her daughter had used moments earlier.


    Instantly Priss'' hands are behind herself covering what most likely was her rear end. "Sorry, Ma, I was just messin''." She''s somehow up the steps and closing the door as she whispers to me, "You''re gonna get it."


    Shaking my head at the unearned hostility, I turned back to what seemed to be the living room of this home. It was fairly large with several types of seating surrounding the center where a gourd-shaped, blackened metal stove-like thing sat. From it came a dark silver piping that crookedly made its way to the ceiling and probably through the roof. While the weather was spring-like outside, in here there was a coolness that seemed to cling to the air, which the low fire in the stove somewhat helped with.


    The seating seemed like it could hold a dozen people between the odd mix of wooden chairs and benches. Taking a prominent spot in the corner was a large rocking chair. It was an impressive thing to behold that was made of a knarled green and brown intertwined wood that looked like it had grown more than been built. The only real sense of artificialness was the extremely glossy coating that covered its surface. Sitting in this piece of art was Mama herself with her arms casually gripping the corn-shaped armrests that lay on each side of the chair.


    "So, what happened? I want details," Mama Proppa demands as she leans toward me and gestures at one of the chairs nearest her.


    I cautiously sat down, knowing full well I was within her reach feeling extremely self-conscious of that fact. Starting with our walk towards the other side of the field, I spoke on the ambush and the parts each of us played in subduing them as quickly as we could. I ended with the last Alpha fight and the difficulties we had with his projectile attacks. The silence stretched between us as she just stared at me seeming to both weigh out my truths and seemingly calculate my worth.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    A sudden bout of deep coughs takes her over before she spits a red glob into a copper-colored container near the fire. The comical "ping" of her spitting brought an involuntary smile to my face, one I had the presence of mind to conceal with a hand. The clearing of her voice brought my attention back to the woman before me. ¡°Whatever nosh you''re planning to make better be the absolute best I¡¯ve eaten, or there may be more talking yet to be had.¡± Her statement¡¯s meaning was punctuated with a creaking from the corn adjourned armrests.


    "Ma''am, my goal is to make up for any of this afternoon''s mishaps as best I can. For whatever I can''t make up for, I will try to do whatever I can around here." I begin to spew out, feeling bad about the whole situation.


    ¡°Weren¡¯t your fault lad. If I went n blamed you, then I¡¯d have to blame Lem for not getting out the ashen way when he saw that shite being shot at em. No boy, it was a nasty situation. While me sonny¡¯s eye may need some fixin¡¯, I¡¯m glad you were able to do what ya did. We can speak more on this later but I may be asking you a bit of a favor in regards to his mending. Won¡¯t be nothing you weren¡¯t already on your way of doing mind yah but it¡¯d be much appreciated if you¡¯d take him with you. Esslem¡¯s the only ashen city near here with the kind of hands to cure him fully.¡± A pipe is produced from one of the pockets in her long tunic. Grasping at another pocket she produces a bright orange and red damp-looking clump that she promptly stuck into the pipe¡¯s bowl.


    "Yes, I¡¯d gladly do anything I could to make up for what happened. The plan was to leave for there tomorrow, I¡¯d be honored to have him. If anything, it¡¯d ensure I get there safely," I offered as she crouched towards the fire to light a bit of stick she had produced from one of her pockets.


    She held the stick and sucked on her pipe with a sizzle filling the air as the damp fibers began to dry. As they did I immediately smelled a citrus smell mixed with what I could only call pepper filling the air. Her inhaling seemed to last longer than I have ever held my breath with the smoke expelling from Mama Proppa¡¯s nose and mouth once she released it. She almost looked comical with the dense cloud of smoke that clung to her head.


    Any thoughts of comedy were sucked out of the room as she leaned forward gesturing with the long pipe that ended in what looked like the base of a corn cob. ¡°My lad ain¡¯t some hired thug for you to be using as muscle. I don¡¯t need him getting in any more trouble.¡±


    "No, Ma¡¯am." With the way her eyes looked, I corrected myself, "I mean, Ma''am, I wasn''t thinking of that. Just that whole safety-in-numbers thing, you know?"


    "Sure, sure. Glad you¡¯re amicable with this and all, we can talk more after whatever feast you¡¯re planning. Between that meat from earlier and whatever you made to impress my boy, you may be one of the travelers worth a damn." She stops to inhale another long drag before getting out, "Get to it." Without a word more, she swivels her seat towards the large hearth built into the wall behind her and exhales her smoke towards the fire while humming to herself.


    Knowing better than to say anything else, I headed into the room she had gestured to. In it was a wide stove with a chimney behind it that led to the roof, imitating the setup of the central one in the living room. Inspecting the room, I see some cabinets with rough wooden doors and handle pulls. Within one is a mixture of well-used pewter-looking dishes, mugs, and taller pewter glasses. Another held over a dozen small jars that were not labeled, but thankfully, my herbology skill kicked in to help me out.


    Bypassing the names I wasn''t quite sure of like Birchel, Sindella, Dashwar Gum, and Whindle Mint, I saw names that seemed to be based on herbs I already knew. For these, I sent a request to the system to provide me with descriptions as I opened each jar in turn to get a smell of the herbs and seasonings.


    _________________________


    You see some Sagebloom - a flowering plant whose leaves can be used to add a savory and floral flavor to any dish.


    You see some Brayleaf - dried leaves of Brayson Lily, whose product is used for soups and other savory dishes to add body and flavor.


    You see some Saffrond Tendrils - used in many dishes that aim to add a herbal flavor with a hint of bitter citrus.


    You see some Paprikola - a smoky-flavored product created from the Paprikola vines and added to many marinades and spice-forward dishes.


    You see some AshPepper - light-colored pepper found in the area near Esslem and known for its light peppery flavor mixed with additional savory undertones.


    _________________________


    The beginnings of what I could cook were already building in my head as I worked my way through the cabinet. I was happy to see that Sagebloom was close to what I¡¯d expect when smelling some sage, and the same with the Brayleaf being pretty much Bayleaf-like in its subtle scent of herb that didn¡¯t belay any flavors. But when I took some into my mouth and suckled it, I could taste a bit of the heavy savoriness found in the Earthen counterpart and was pleased with the flavor. The Paprikola and Ashpepper were a bit harder to place, as each had a base that tasted familiar but had undertones that threw me off. The Paprikola, in particular, had a mix of what I would call Paprika with an added almost caramel flavor that stuck to your tongue after tasting. With the Ashpepper, it was a bit more like White Pepper, but if you took in air through your nose while tasting it, there was a coffee flavor that could be detected.


    Lastly were the Spiral Tendrils which were foreign to me; from their spiral shape with tiny yellow spikes coming out their side to their smell which was citrusy and almost mintlike. Taking one into my mouth I am shocked by the bitterness that invaded my tastebuds. While I¡¯m sure it could help with cooking, it was way too drastic of a flavor for me to try to place any further. Poking at the other ones in the cabinet I decide to stay with the few I had already pulled out as I work through the rest of the lower cabinets in the kitchen.


    Amongst a cabinet full of well-used pots and pans was one full of either drying plants or what seemed like root vegetables. I was glad to see some of the lemon kale from earlier as well as some garillions. Reaching in I grab a large sweet potato-sized vegetable that was labeled as Yamato. Sending to Smeed, ¡°Ok, that one seems a little lazy, wouldn¡¯t you say?¡±


    Almost as if coming out of a trance, Smeed replies, ¡°What, oh yes. That one was one of your brother¡¯s dabblings. Pretty sure it was a mix of,¡± was all he got out as I finished for him.


    "Yam and Tomato? Like I said, lazy," I answer, putting a few of the Yamatoes next to me. "You just sounded distant, did I interrupt you?¡±


    ¡°No, I was just testing out one of my abilities. I¡¯m currently not excelling in properly initializing its properties," Smeed said in an almost saddened voice.


    "Anything I can help with?" Gathering my chosen vegetables and herbs, I stand back up and place them on the counter beside Smeed. "I''m serious."


    "It¡¯s nothing, Dev. Please focus on creating the meal. By the looks of what she said, she¡¯s counting on whatever you''re cooking to impress her,¡± Smeed replies almost distractedly.


    "Nope, we¡¯re in this together. You help me enough with all this, I guess I should be returning the favor." The words make me conscious of how few times I look to apply teamwork in my day-to-day life.


    "Well, thank you. That is quite nice. I appreciate it,¡± comes out in an almost flustered voice before Smeed continues, ¡°As for my ability, it is my Main Pan skill. It allows me to change my shape, but currently, I cannot do so. Here¡¯s the skill¡¯s description."


    _________________________


    Main Pan (Passive): Your form can now be changed to any cookware shape that can be up to twice your current weight. The current runic metal material cannot be changed.


    _________________________


    After reading the entry, I take a few moments before trying to be pedantic with the wording. "With it saying your form can be changed, could it mean that someone else has to do it?"


    "Why would my skill be triggered by you wielding me, oh bloody hell," Smeed stops. "Fine, try it. This system," Smeed says in a huff.


    Picking Smeed up, I smile, ¡°I¡¯m here for you, buddy. What¡¯s wrong with my theory?¡±


    "Other than you probably being correct," to emphasize his words, Smeed becomes about the size of a medium saucepan from what I remember on Earth. The mixture of very natural metal mixed with the modern design was interesting. "As I was saying, other than being correct, I am not pleased that it¡¯s under your control."


    "Who says it''s under my control?" Trying to spin Smeed in my hand as normal, the awkwardness of his weight throws me off, and I¡¯m barely able to catch him midair. "Anyways, let''s try this. Change to a pan."


    ¡°I already told you that I¡¯ve tried this.¡± Smeed replies before his form suddenly changes to his initial pan form. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll be damned.¡±


    ¡°Can AI be damned?¡± I ask with a grin. ¡°Now try to get heavier like in your skill description,¡± I say enthusiastically.


    As his weight significantly increases in hand, I strain to keep him aloft and laugh, ¡°I meant it more as an expletive,¡± Smeed said absentmindedly as his form changed back to a pan without warning in my hand.


    ¡°See, I think it¡¯s almost like needing a recipe in some of the games I¡¯ve played. Here, let me give you as many as I can remember to get us started.¡± Thinking back to my one-room shack I use the items in my small kitchen as a guide to go through the shapes of a baking sheet, and small saucepan, then attempted a wok and deeper larger pot but both seemed to stretch Smeed too thin. I also tried to make him into things like spoons or rolling pins with no luck. I guess when it meant cookware, it was fairly strict with that definition.


    "Devin, thank you. This was quite the conundrum," Smeed replies as a blinking kaleidoscope of my kitchen items formed before me. I particularly liked him changing himself into smaller variations of each, only to significantly increase himself to 5 times the original size or create a heavier or odd-shaped base right after.


    Smiling, I put him down on the counter and shrugged, ¡°Like I said, nothing you haven¡¯t done for me already. Glad I could help. We can repeat it for anything we think up or find along the way. It helps us both in the end.¡±


    As a reply, he lifts himself off the counter a few inches before falling with a slight clang. ¡°Sorry,¡± comes out of Smeed as I hear a shocked gasp behind me.


    Looking towards the sound, I see Priss standing on a table in one of the corners of the room. ¡°Did that thing just lift off the counter?¡± She''d look like a scared cat if it weren''t for the small knife already in her hand. "You¡¯re hiding something, ain¡¯t cha? You''ve been sitting there for a good while just staring at that pan. That was even before you picked it up and started changing it into all sorts of wild shapes. What''s that class of yours really about?" she asks as her confidence increases with every spoken word. She even steps down from the table, content to stand on a chair instead.


    "It¡¯s mostly about cooking and I guess smashing things," I replied before asking in return, "What¡¯s your class?"


    ¡°Mama says it¡¯s not classy to share your class with strangers and you¡¯re as strange as they come. Now tell me why you stare into that thing so much,¡± she says as she gestures with her knife.


    Smeed states the obvious, ¡°Don¡¯t tell her, Dev.¡±


    "I¡¯m already ahead of you, buddy," I send to Smeed. Saying aloud to Priss, "Just focusing on what I¡¯m planning to make."


    "With that thing flying about, you seem to be some kind of Panomancer than a Runic Chef or whatever ponce you were on about." Her mocking seems to have finally calmed her some.


    ¡°Let me just do my thing and you be a judge of what my skills can do?¡± I say with my best smile.


    She puts away her knives away in a flourish that seems more magic trick than actual skill but even without the weapon her look gives me some pause. ¡°But I¡¯ll be watching you.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯d expect nothing less,¡± with a mock bow I turn back to the counter.


    Glad with the collection of ingredients, I began attempting to prep those items needing chopping. The first up was the Yamato which was a bit of a struggle to get past its outer hush that seemed to be the main part of the sweet potato properties that it had taken on. About an inch of deep orange flesh that matched that of the potato surrounded a deep red softer layer of flesh that faded to pink center. Through the pink was a light red gel with seeds suspended in each. Touching the pink flesh, it felt a lot like a softer sweet potato with the smell reminding me of a blend of the two namesakes for the vegetable. Not sure what to do with the vegetable I put it aside and move on to the rest of my ingredients.


    As I¡¯m about to start chopping some garillions, I see some vegetables that look like fairly normal carrots. Funny enough, that is exactly what they were labeled as within my herbology skill. Sending to Smeed, I ask, ¡°OK, what¡¯s up with those? Is it some trick and they¡¯re gonna be banana-flavored instead?¡±


    ¡°Carrots are carrots. What¡¯s wrong with that?¡± Smeed replies almost defensively.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, this seems like another stop of the lazy train,¡± I sent back to him before grabbing the carrots and beginning to chop them up to add to my dish.


    Putting the now-chopped carrots into a pile, I grab the garillion cloves and give them a good mincing, the rhythmic sound of the blade hitting the chopping block fills my ears and I¡¯m glad to have a good knife in my hands again. Once I¡¯m satisfied, I place them into the pile with the carrots. I look at the Yamato again and shake my head before turning to the small elephant in the room.


    The large sloth carcass was lying on a table against the far wall, looking like a limp, deflated lawn holiday decoration. While I''ve been fine up to this point dealing with all the various bits of animals I¡¯ve had to take apart, this just feels different. Maybe it was how large the body was or the fact that the fur was now matted with blood and dust that I now had to get through somehow. Walking up to the animal I grip the knife in my hand and ready myself for the task.


    ¡°Mind if I take a go at that?¡± Priss replies next to me almost making me jump


    "Wow, how are you so silent? Well, sure, if you want. Any chance I can watch?" I ask, looking over at her.


    Her voice was infused with her skill as it deepened, ¡°Bet ya like to watch ya, filthy bugger.¡±


    "Stop that, Priss, and seriously, I appreciate the help," I say, ignoring her remarks.


    Pushing up her sleeves, she pulls a chair over towards the center of the body and steps up onto it. With her hand positioned just below its neck, she looks back with an almost creepy grin as her hand deftly inserts the knife. ¡°Now, I won''t be giving you any free lessons, mind you, and I don¡¯t take any barters before you try to offer me some meat or rat tails you''ve collected, but you¡¯re welcome to watch.¡± She gives another grin before turning back to the gruesome job.


    The sounds from Priss''s slicing of the animal, as well as the subsequent squelching as she worked with its innards, had me tempted to cover my ears. But I knew the mocking that would come my way if I even attempted that. Instead, I tried to study her movements. Just like with her quick movements in the fields, Priss''s hand moved with speed but care. After telling her I was looking for the shank and breast meat if I could get them, she went to work separating them. Whether it¡¯s through skill or not, I¡¯m impressed with how easily she uses her small knife to make the cuts needed.


    Slamming her knife into the table looks up at me with her hands on her hips. ¡°So, will that do?¡±


    "Will they do? Priss, I couldn¡¯t have gotten better slices of meat from a butcher shop on the Lower East Side." Realizing my slip-up, I look over at her perplexed face. "Sorry, just a part of my hometown. No, seriously, thanks. I appreciate it."


    She just nods her head before heading back over to her spot in the corner as I stare down at the meat. After a few seconds, I ask Smeed to turn into a larger pan and place all the meat in. Putting it on the board, I go about cutting the breast into 1-2 inch pieces and go about scoring the shank some. Sending to Smeed, I ask, ¡°Hey, what¡¯s the name for salt?¡±


    ¡°Sodium Chloride,¡± Smeed replies unhelpfully.


    "Dude, is that the chemical name? No, is salt just salt here? I want to make sure I have some.¡± comes out of me as I kneel to the cabinet where I found the herbs. Close to the front, I find two small wooden shakers that my skill highlights as Sel and AshPepper.


    Double-fisting the rustic wooden shakers I grin over to Smeed. ¡°Time to work a little kitchen magic.¡± I tried to ignore Priss¡¯ laughter that came from behind me.

 Chapter 12

    Remembering a recipe from a celebrity TV chef I used to love watching, I grabbed Smeed and a large pot, placing both on the wide stove that had runes across its front. After some trial and error, I was able to identify which ones raised and lowered the heat. Rather than individual burners like I was used to, this worked more like a griddle at a greasy diner back home.


    Looking over to where I knew Priss had come up closer to me, I asked, ¡°Hey, what would your Ma use for frying?¡±


    Rather than speak, she points towards the metal canister that sat on one of the side counters. Grabbing the can, I look in and sniff at the stark white substance inside. There wasn¡¯t much of a smell at all, and tipping it slightly, I couldn¡¯t tell whether it was a solid or a liquid. Grabbing a nearby spoon from a metal cup, I scoop the stuff out and place some into the cookware on the stove. The sizzle is familiar and immediately releases a mouthwatering smell that reminds me of bacon, prompting me to work on the next few steps.


    I cube up a couple of the slices I had done of the yamatos, the counter I was working on quickly getting covered with pinkish juices as I worked through the slicing. Once I was happy I placed the garillions and carrots into the large pot to begin to brown. Sending to Smeed, ¡°Can you turn into a deeper-sided pan?¡±


    His form changes into the one I had shown him earlier and he replies, ¡°May I ask, why the two separate pans?¡±


    Taking one of the larger wooden spoons from another one of the storage cups, I stir the vegetables some more before replying. ¡°Normally, vegetables and meat cook at different speeds. Usually, I¡¯d do it all in one pan. First cooking the meat to my desired temp then used that to cook my vegetables which just made for a longer process overall. With a home full of hungry farm folk, it feels like working this way should allow for a quicker cook. ¡±


    As I begin placing the meat into Smeed to brown he replies to me, ¡°Will dividing the cook cause too many problems?¡±


    ¡°Eh, we may lose out on some of the build-up of flavor that happens but nothing that¡¯ll destroy the dish¡± Leaning over the pot I begin stirring the vegetables and switch my focus to the meat and flip it to begin the browning on it¡¯s opposite side. In this meat¡¯s case, I took the bluish tint it was turned to to indicate that some kind of cooking process had affected the sloth meat.


    ¡°I¡¯ve got to say that this meat you¡¯re cooking in me seems a bit off-tasting. Well not off but maybe a bit sour.¡± Smeed says sounding as if his lips were smacking between every couple of words he said.


    ¡°Don¡¯t judge it quite yet, while it may be gamey it¡¯s also not fully cooked yet.¡± Pushing the meat around again to brown on any unbrowned parts. ¡°This may be a dish you don¡¯t get to try out for yourself as I plan to do the majority of the cooking in the other pan.¡±


    ¡°But, won¡¯t you lose out on the benefits of being cooked in my pan?¡± Smeed says in reply.


    ¡°Well, sure but I¡¯m trying to heal or something. This is just to say thanks. Besides, recipes like this shouldn¡¯t need your cheat codes to make better,¡± I say stirring the meat some making sure no part is over blued. OK, that¡¯s a weird alternative to browning meat.


    There are audible sniffs that Smeed releases my way. ¡°Oh, was just trying to do my part.¡±


    Noticing the change in Smeed¡¯s tone, I send back, ¡°I¡¯m sure I can find a way to maybe finish the dish off in your pan. This way the final melding of flavors gets your benefits.¡±


    Seeming to compose himself quickly, Smeed says with pride, ¡°That¡¯s a deal. It will give me a chance for a final once-over as well,¡±


    ¡°Are you talking to ¡®em?¡± Priss asks from where she stands.


    Trying not to react I turn and reply, ¡°To who?¡±


    ¡°Mama says Shrewt Owls come a hooting when there¡¯s liars about. So you can ¡®Who¡¯ all you want but I know you¡¯re talking to ¡®em. You¡¯ve called that thing he by accident. Don¡¯t think I hadn¡¯t heard ya.¡± She produces a small dagger to gesture to her ear. ¡°So either I¡¯m mistaken and maybe there¡¯s just a bit of hay up in your loft.¡± She uses the same dagger to point towards my head and makes a swirling sound. ¡°Or maybe you¡¯ve been having a bit of a chat with that,¡± she emphasizes with her dagger pointed at Smeed.


    Smeed speaks to me, ¡°You gave us away Dev. What are we gonna do?¡±


    Sending to Smeed, ¡°Tell her?¡±


    ¡°Before you go telling me some lies, I don¡¯t want your artifact or whatever it be. We may be rough folks, but we ain¡¯t no thieves. Besides, between those fancy runes and how you can throw it about like you do. I¡¯m sure there¡¯s more of a story there than you let on.¡±


    The silence from Smeed was either from shock or his processing of what to say and I just blurt out, ¡°Yes. It¡¯s part of my class.¡±


    ¡°I knew it!¡± Priss says with joy in her voice and enthusiasm in her dagger-waving.


    ¡°Knew what?¡± I ask, perplexed.


    Priss replies, ¡°Nothing, please keep going.¡±


    ¡°Why did you tell her?¡± Smeed replies barely loud enough to be heard of the sizzle.


    ¡°She was already figuring it out. What does it matter, they¡¯ve already helped us a ton, I¡¯d say they¡¯re trustworthy.¡± I explain as I transfer the meat to the larger pan. Knowing Smeed¡¯s ways I don¡¯t clean him up and instead remove him from the oven and onto the wooden counter.


    ¡°What does he say to you? Is it haunted by some old knight¡¯s soul? I¡¯ve heard stories of heroes like that.  Well with weapons or armor though.¡± Priss says as she pokes at Smeed¡¯s side with her dagger.


    ¡°He mostly complains, to be honest, and no not a knightly bone in his metal body,¡± I reply without thinking about it as I lean over the pot to stir the meat and veggies together as their melding sizzles fill the air.


    I let the pot cook some as I move back to my herbs and move some of the meat to the side as I place the herbs into the pot letting them toast some. Sniffing the combined scents beginning to build I¡¯m starting to be reminded of the roasts I¡¯ve tried to make my family in the past. Once satisfied I begin to incorporate them into the rest of the items into the pot before I add the yamato. Knowing how delicate they were I instead placed them across the top of the meat and vegetables already in the pot.


    Remembering something I look over to where Priss was poking the runes on Smeed¡¯s side. ¡°Do you have any alcohol?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s some corn shine over there but I¡¯d not go sipping this early in the day, you¡¯re liable to pass out when you weren¡¯t meant to,¡± Priss answers helpfully.


    ¡°Well no, sorry I¡¯m not looking for something that strong. Like an alcoholic drink made out of fruit? Cider or wine?¡± I ask hoping to use some for the dish.


    ¡°Why didn¡¯t you ask for wine if that¡¯s what you wanted, that¡¯s under that counter.¡± She points towards the corner where she was standing earlier. Without saying anything else she runs and grabs a dark brown bottle that gives an audible ¡°Swish¡± as she makes her way back.


    Uncorking the bottle as she passes it to me I take a sniff and my eyes squint a little from the strong alcohol smell that came out. ¡°Thanks, Priss, a bit stronger than what I was expecting but should work.¡± I¡¯m tempted to take a sip from the bottle but resist.


    ¡°It¡¯s made from grenberries. Uncle Jemmin makes it.¡± Priss grabs the bottle and takes a gulp from it before passing it back.


    ¡°You sure you should be drinking that.¡± Shaking my head I look down into the bottle before taking a sip and immediately cough a half dozen times in a row. ¡°Oh wow.¡± The burn doesn¡¯t dissipate as it seems to flow down into my gullet and spread across my the rest of my body.


    Priss laughs and says, ¡°So, you getting sloshed or still cooking.¡±


    Her words have me turning back towards the food and I dump some of the liquid into the pot with an immediate sizzle. Grabbing the large spoon I begin to stir everything together, making sure to bring up any bits from the bottom of the pot that had built up without disturbing the yamatos too much.


    ¡°What¡¯d you go and do that for?¡± Priss calls over before taking the bottle from my hand.


    ¡°It¡¯s to help bring up anything that has gotten stuck to the pot and pretty much adds some depth of flavor to the final dish,¡± I reply as I look down into the pot, savoring the smell for a few moments.


    ¡°Let me get some more of that flavor.¡± She scoffs and takes another drink from the bottle.


    ¡°Are you allowed to drink that?¡± I ask again looking over at her.


    ¡°I¡¯ll have you know I¡¯m over 12 years old and ain¡¯t got to answer to no one,¡± Priss says as the bottle dangles from her hand almost touching the floor.


    ¡°You calling me no one?¡± Comes up from behind us in a deep voice that could literally have belonged to any of the Proppa¡¯s at this point.


    Turning around I see it¡¯s Mama, who sits down at the table that still holds the rest of the Sloth. Using her elbow, she pushed the carcass with a sickening squelching sound filling the air as she did so. Without skipping a beat she lays her large forearm on the still-wet table top and pulls out a thick red cigar-shaped object. Beginning to almost massage the tube as she rotated it before looking up to Priss and grunting in a way that seemed to mean it was Priss¡¯ turn to reply.


    ¡°Well, there¡¯s you of course Ma, that don¡¯t need no saying,¡± Priss gets out in a low voice from where she had stood watching me. Giving me the biggest stink eye I had ever received, Priss walks over to the Proppa Matriarch and tries to placate her with an offering from the bottle,


    Almost snatching the bottle from Priss¡¯ hands, Mama takes a large gulp from its contents before pushing the sloth carcass back to make room for the jug. With that done she returns her focus to the cigar in her hands.


    Mama first wetly places the cigar into her mouth soaking it before pulling it out some to firmly bite off the cigar¡¯s tip in one swift motion. Pulling out a knife that resembled one of the ones her daughter wielded, she used it to begin to poke a hole into the area she had just bit off.


    Priss and I seem to both hang on Mama¡¯s actions, and we almost jump as she says in her deep voice, ¡°So, I hafta admit,¡± pausing to focus on her cigar. The anticipation of her words makes me tense, but she sniffs the air with a smile and continues, ¡°Maybe those skills of yours ain¡¯t half bad after all. This kitchen ain¡¯t smelled this pearly since their Da¡¯s days. Good to see your skills aren''t all dishwashing related after all.¡±


    She pulls out a small metal stick that lights as she slides her thumb across its length. Pressing it to the tip of the red cigar, she pulls in deeply, making the tip glow a bright yellow with wisps of red tendrils across its surface. The tip pulsates a few times as she takes quicker, shorter intakes without exhaling. When she finally releases the large cloud of smoke that has filled her lungs, the room is filled with the strong smell of smoked meats.


    Before I have a chance to ask what¡¯s in the cigar, Mama says, ¡°Now, what you got stewing over there, Dell was it?¡±


    ¡°Dev, Ma¡¯am.¡± I shakily say.


    ¡°It¡¯s Mama, Dev.¡± She corrects me before I continue.


    ¡°Sorry, yes Mama¡¯. It¡¯s funny you should say stew as that is what I¡¯m working towards.¡± Returning to the pot I begin stirring. ¡°A recipe that follows one from,¡± I paused not sure what to say. ¡°From home I guess.¡±


    ¡°Home, you say? I¡¯ve always dealt with your kind but never a one talked about no home. More like what we have for ¡®em to use, take, or fight.¡± She pauses to pull a few times from her cigar before exhaling another large plume of smoke into the room. As I sniffed at the air I could also detect an undernote of sweetness that honestly made her smoking way more pleasant than someone doing the same thing in his world.


    Looking down at the pot that now is boiling off some of the alcohol from what they gave me I realize I¡¯m missing something and look up. ¡°First, may I ask if you have a broth that I can use? I could use water but a good stock or broth would be preferable.¡±


    ¡°If stocks what you¡¯re after, it¡¯s where it ought to be. Right above the fire over there.¡± She points with the cigar in the direction of the far wall where a large black pot lay hanging over bright burning coals. ¡°Take whatever you need from it.¡± She uses her other bloody arm to gesture towards the sloth. ¡°We got plenty more bits and bobs to add after this is taken care of.¡±


    Turning Smeed into a small handheld pot I walk over to the cauldron and finally look down into its contents and immediately make a face. Inside bubbled a swirling mix of bones, fat, and assorted other bits and bobs as Mama had put it. Regardless of the revulsion that I was feeling, the smell that was emanating from the pool of boiling animal leavings was a savory smell that was almost primal in the way it summoned me toward its waiting waters.


    ¡°Dev, I am not sure if using this would be a detriment to your dish. It looks to have been cooking since our simulations first began running.¡± Smeed said in a voice painted with my original revulsion.


    ¡°Have you seen the size of Lemmin? If he can grow to that size with his mom using this stuff, how bad could it be.¡± I lean down to smell and find it a bit overpowering but instead say, ¡°It smells delicious, absolutely savory.¡±


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    ¡°I can tell that you are not being forthwith with me but fine, let''s get this over with,¡± I can hear Smeed take a deep breath as if he will somehow drown in this forever broth or that he even has to breathe.


    Ignoring the protests that come my way as I dip him into the caldron, I instead focus on getting as little as the oil or extra bits of bone and parts that floated in the stew. While slow going, I¡¯m happy with the results as I end up with a good amount of liquid that reminded me of a darkened stock I had seen at home.


    I take the Smeed¡¯s form back to the stove and tip the liquid into the larger pot with an immediate sizzle sounding out. Priss pulls up a stool to get a closer look as I begin to focus on cooking again. I¡¯m thankful for her help in finding out how to lower the stove some using the runes provided.


    Once things are simmering I look at Priss and say, ¡°So Sous chef, how do I get this oven working¡± I begin grabbing under the stove I was using trying to figure out how to pull open the oven.


    Without answering she nods her head towards the old-fashioned wide furnace-looking thing that looked more to heat a room than bake anything. Looking at the small opening for what I guessed was the oven part of the thing I looked down at that large pot I had originally chosen to cook everything in.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry Dev, problem solved.¡± Smeed sent to me before becoming wider and shorter in a way that should hold the meat and veggies but hold the meat beneath the liquid as I had hoped for.


    ¡°Not exactly the best solution but thanks Smeed,¡± I send over to Smeed beginning to move the items over from the larger pot into Smeed new form.


    Mama¡¯s chair creaked as she leaned forward and whistled a few times while pointing at Smeed on the stove. ¡°What was that?¡±


    ¡°What was what,¡± I said as I tried to grab Smeed¡¯s handles.


    ¡°Say what one more time before answering me and I will shove my foot right up your,¡± Mama began saying.


    ¡°Mama, please. It¡¯s just part of his class is all.¡± Priss says from her stool with her arms held out in a calming motion.


    ¡°Class or not, that¡¯s magic and he didn¡¯t talk ¡®bout no magic when I asked ¡®em his class. I don¡¯t take kind to liars, you know this Prissibel.¡± With every few words, Mama takes a deep puff from her cigar, whose glow gives her face a very menacing look.


    ¡°Ma¡¯ammma,¡± I barely make the save before continuing, ¡°Like Priss said, this is just part of my skills. The pan just came with the class.¡±


    ¡°Seems a lot more than any ashen pan I¡¯ve seen.¡± A large bit of ash falls from her cigar as she waves it in my direction. ¡°You keep at it though, this smell got my mouth watering something serious. We¡¯ll talk about that pan later.¡±


    A large creaking of the floorboards coming towards them from the living room announces Lemmin before he steps into view, barely clearing the doorway into the room. Leaning down to kiss his mom¡¯s cheek he grabs the cigar from her hand and takes a few puffs before returning it. ¡°Don¡¯t hassle ¡®em too much Ma. He¡¯s just doing the best with what he¡¯s got.¡±


    Looking at the wider Smeed form I was carrying to the oven, she says, ¡°Look at that Lem. Ain¡¯t often we see that type of magic out here, is it?¡±


    ¡°Well nah, but I bet Esslem¡¯s got all sorts of that type of shite,¡± Lemmin replies before pulling a chair up next to his mom giving the sloth''s body another good shove that gets it away from himself. Seeing the wine jug from earlier, he grabs it with his now bloody hand and unscrews the top before taking a gulp that lasts longer than it took for me to put Smeed in the oven and to walk back over to where my longer sliced yamato¡¯s still lay. With an unneeded belch filling the air, Lemmin continues with a slight slur to his speech, ¡°Bet there¡¯s floating spoons, self-washing dishes, all sorts of magic.¡± He attempts another large gulp before Mama pulls the jug from his grasp.


    ¡°Whatever, let him keep his secrets for now.¡± She looks down at the bloody jug before taking a gulp from it anyway and putting it down on the far side of the table away from Lemmin. Nodding her head at the sloth, ¡°Why don¡¯t you go take care of that before supper? Go wash up again too, you look like the inside of a sodden rust pile ya do.¡±


    Looking down at where his clothing was now covered in blood he sighs before looking up at her. ¡°You¡¯re covered in it too.¡±


    Stuffing her cigar into the side of her mouth she puffs smoke into his face. ¡°You talking back to me Lemmin Bristen Proppa?¡±


    The hulking man somehow seemed as small as his sister as he looked at his mom. ¡°No, I didn¡¯t mean nothin''. Sorry ma, I got this.¡± Without a word he stands and grabs the sloth before throwing it over his shoulder, further covering himself with the blood from the beast.


    ¡°Rusted hearts, Lemmin. Are you a fool? Git yourself and that thing out here already.¡± Mama almost growls at him as she points with her cigar at the back door.


    As he makes his way out of the room unceremoniously I return to the yamato and look down at them. Seeing how luscious the vegetable looked on its own I decided to go simple with its preparation. I start by dusting its surface with some of the sel and ash pepper that I had set aside. Once heavily coated I cover it all with some paprikola that adds a nice red color to the yamato.


    Locating a small, flat cast iron skillet pan, I place the yamato¡¯s on its surface and take that over to the oven. While the height of the oven¡¯s opening is fairly short, I am glad that it¡¯s wide enough to support both Smeed and the skillet.


    As soon as the oven is open, Smeed greets me in an almost obscenely decadent voice, ¡°Dev, this is divine.¡± Once again he fills my head with the smacking of his lips before continuing, ¡°I know it needs more time, but truly Devin, this is exactly what my ability to taste was made for.¡± I don¡¯t think twice before closing the oven in hopes of muffling his words knowing full well he was already in my head.


    I almost step into Priss who is right beside me watching my every movement. Smiling over at her I move back over to the countertop and begin cleaning up some. Before I know it though, Priss is there shaking her head as she begins to do it for me. Stepping back from the elbow she gives my midsection, I submit to her help.


    Mama¡¯s chair creaking pulls my eyes back towards her as she pulls back out her metal lighter and places it against the cigar that must have become unlit. She repeats the multiple puffing with the tip glowing anew. Both her arms are draped across her knees as she leans forward before releasing the smoke into the air.


    No words, just her staring at me looking like a mix of some cartoon gangsta and a grandma that spent all day in her sleeping gown. If that picture doesn¡¯t sound too intimidating, trust me it is. I felt myself sweating trying to think up something to say as I heard Priss cleaning up behind me.


    ¡°So, uhm. How do you like living in Esslem?¡± I ask not sure what else to say.


    She points with her cigar at my almost faded injury, ¡°Life ¡®ere is filled with a lot of dodging shite like that. Day in and day out just loads and loads of rust-bloated gob shites.¡± She pauses to pull from her cigar deeply. ¡°They say, ¡®The pearl will guide the way¡¯ but all that giant white prick has done for us is be a beacon for all of this.¡± She gestures to the blood-soaked table and to my arm again..


    ¡°What do you mean?¡± Finally getting up the courage I also gesture to the cigar, ¡°Would you mind if I had one of those?¡±


    Biting onto the cigar she looks up at me as she digs through some of her crevices for way longer than I¡¯d like to admit. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s a skill but I literally can¡¯t take my eyes off hers as she squints at me. Finally finding the cigar she passes it to me, ¡°From what the kids say you¡¯re of stout stock, but still don¡¯t go pulling too hard on our leaf. Comes straight from the rust fields and ¡®tis walking on death¡¯s wall when you take that in,¡± She pulls in deeply as I take the cigar from her hand.


    I can¡¯t help but hold it reverently as I look down at its length. The outside is coarse and fairly stiff with deep wrinkles across its length that seem to glisten with a dark red liquid. I begin to put it into my pocket before Mama coughs with a scowl on her face. I immediately explain, ¡°Sorry Mama, I wanted to see if I could use it in my cooking.¡±


    ¡°You ain¡¯t wasting my rustleaf.¡± She leans forward with her fire stick out and lit before her.


    I look down at the cigar and try to rip it in half. Priss¡¯ hand reaches up within a moment of me struggling to swiftly cut the cigar neatly in half. She even takes the time to prune one of the two halves just as her mom had done.  ¡°There, you get your cookery and you get to try the smoke.¡± Priss takes the pruned part and leans forward about to light it on her mother¡¯s stick but her mother extinguishes it before she can do anything. With a rushed smile to her mom, she quickly passes the cigar back to me and goes back to tidying up behind me.


    In a conspiratory whisper, Mama says to me, ¡°She¡¯s always trying to push her boundaries. Best to put her in her place early, ¡° she laughs before continuing. ¡°Anyways, don¡¯t know what skill you be using her to clean for you but you¡¯ve gotta teach me that one. She ain¡¯t clean a dish since she was a babe. Good on you cook, good on you.¡±


    Looking over to where Priss worked hard to clean I shrug before looking back at Mama, ¡°I¡¯m not doing anything, maybe she just wants to help?¡± I lean forward to where she¡¯s relit her firestick I take an inhale while puffing on the cigar as it was pressed to the fire.


    I¡¯m not sure if her flame got brighter but a great flash hit me with the first puff. Stepping back I hear a pulsating thumping reverberating all around me. All other sound is shut out as the pulses take over all of my senses. Soon even the kitchen was gone as the sound continued to throb in my ears for what felt like minutes.


    Snap, back to reality. It¡¯s Mama Proppa¡¯s voice I hear first, ¡°Damnit Lemmin, you win, he didn¡¯t fall on his arse. Ashen lucky bastard.¡± Mama reaches into her crevices and pulls out a coin to toss to Lemmin.


    The coughs taking me over are the deep kind that feel like you¡¯ve been doing crunches after they¡¯re done with you. This brings laughter from the whole Proppa clan giving me a symphony of guffaws that are mirrored by an echo in my head from Smeed.


    I swear I can hear him clearing tears from his eyes as he says, ¡°She warned you Dev.¡±


    ¡°Warned my ass,¡± I say out loud before I realize it. Trying to salvage it, ¡°It uhm burned my ass on this thing.¡± I give a couple more softer coughs.


    She squints at my words for only a second before continuing, ¡°I did warn you. Travelers like you rarely take heed.¡± She looks down at the cigar in her hand. ¡°You hear rust fields and it¡¯s just a bit of lore for you to experience. No, the rust fields were far more than some story.¡± She pulls on her cigar and sits quietly.


    ¡°Sorry, I just meant.¡± I stop as Lemmin puts his hand up.


    ¡°Those cigars are tainted, as a lot of our land is. The choices made by the Rust King damned us all.¡± He stares down at the reddened cigar in his fingertips. ¡°We¡¯ve all learned how to deal with the results of that damning mind you, but doesn¡¯t mean it ain¡¯t changed us.¡± Lemmin looked over to where his mother now was sipping from the jug.


    ¡°Rust blight his eye. This ain¡¯t not talk for the dinner table.¡± Mama says with a sigh as she looks down at the viscera-covered table.


    ¡°It would be if Uncle Jemmin was here,¡± Priss comes up with a smile that lighted the mood some.


    ¡°If he were here, we¡¯d have to be hiding our leaves, meats, and anything shiny,¡± Momma says shaking her head as she leaned back in her chair and puffed on her cigar.


    Mama takes another cornshine drink before passing it to Lemmon who follows his mother¡¯s lead before handing it over to me. Wiping the mouth of the jug with my shirt, which made all the Proppas laugh, I take a gulp and immediately begin coughing. The fit takes me over until it feels like I¡¯m about to heave. I absently pass the bottle to Priss as my coughs subside. Priss begins to quickly take a few sips from the jug before Mama pulls it from Priss¡¯ grasping arms.


    ¡°Girl, I don¡¯t need you having no sloppy tea parties rather than getting to bed tonight.¡± Mama takes a deep swallow of the liquid before putting it back on the table.


    ¡°Tea parties?¡± Her voice suddenly gets deeper when she says, ¡°Barton and Porto don¡¯t drink tea. They¡¯re right for a bit of the bite and fight and maybe some grog, but ain¡¯t no tea.¡± The cornshine splashes must have hit her quicker than the rest of us.


    ¡°Prissibel, I ain¡¯t going to let you use my own skill against me in our home.¡± Her voice takes a deeper and huskier version of her daughter¡¯s, ¡°Unless you¡¯re looking for a tanning.¡±


    Letting the family squabble, I stand and grab a fork before heading over to the oven. Leaning down I take a whiff and I¡¯m instantly hit with a mixture of aromas that are all making my stomach growl. Using the fork I begin to poke at the Yamato slices and see they¡¯re somewhat tender but need more time. I try to do the same with Smeed¡¯s sloth meat but the oven¡¯s height stops me, reaching for the handle I let out an expletive as my hand gives a sizzle as soon as it makes contact with the handle.


    ¡°I¡¯m hot Dev,¡± Smeed offers helpfully.


    Sending back to him, ¡°Yes I can feel that.¡±


    ¡°You ok suga,¡± comes from Mama as she calls over from where it looks like she had just yanked Lemmin¡¯s ear for some reason.


    ¡°Yea, just uhm do you guys have like an oven mitt?¡± I ask holding up my stinging hand.


    ¡°Mitt, what?¡± Priss calls suddenly standing.


    ¡°For the pot in here,¡± I point with my non-burned hand.


    She gives me a face as she walks up to the stove and wraps her tunic some in her hand before grabbing Smeed and pulling him out some, ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re a cook?¡± She needs to use her second hand realizing Smeed¡¯s weight.


    ¡°Dev, you need to get water on that or something to heal at the very least.¡± Smeed says before adding, ¡°Please tell Lady Priss that I will reduce my weight to assist.¡±


    ¡°Lady Priss?¡± I send to Smeed.


    Suddenly Smeed moves up a few inches in Priss hand as she makes a face and says, ¡°What¡¯s it doin¡¯?¡±


    ¡°Sorry, just helping with the weight, my Lady,¡± I reply before heading to the sink and putting water on my hand for a few seconds..


    ¡°Lady,¡± Lemmin says before throwing his head back and laughing. ¡°Get ¡®im ma. Calling her a Lady. Only lady she¡¯s been round is a bug and even them ain''t likely to fly onto no Prow pie like our little Miss Priss.¡±


    I mentally picture throwing Smeed at the wall before trying to cover, ¡°Sorry, just a respectful term around where I¡¯m from is all.¡± I try to laugh it off.


    Priss looks up at me with a small smile before turning to her family, ¡°I wants respect, I gets respect. It¡¯s the Proppa way. Now shut your gabs while we makes the grub. You got it?¡±


    Lemmin¡¯s mouth moves with no words coming out. Momma¡¯s chair begins to creak as she leans forward before expelling a huge cloud of smoke as her laughter fills the air. It¡¯s a wheezing affair that seems to set off her skill making her laughter alternate between her normal gruff tone and the raspier one from her skill. ¡°Sure Lady Priss, we ain¡¯t meant harm did we Sir Lemm.¡± Momma somehow pulls off a stately nod to her head and flourish of her hand that could have been right at home at some Victorian period piece.


    ¡°What you on about she¡¯s babbling her brook for no reason. Besides, he¡¯s doing all the work,¡± Lemmin waves toward me.


    As I¡¯m about to reply, Priss says, ¡°You¡¯re right, me and ¡®em are working as I sees it. The only work you¡¯re doing is keeping that chair from floating up.¡± I can¡¯t help but snicker at that before she continues, ¡°And seeing as that ain¡¯t a real worry, how about you make yourself useful and take care of the table.¡±


    Laughter comes out of Mama as Lemmin grumbles and obliges. ¡°If I didn¡¯t know no better, I¡¯d say you¡¯d already gotten Homestead Influence but you¡¯s way too early for that, ain¡¯t ya.¡± In reply, Priss raises her chin up in the air in defiance. ¡°Nah, just 2 pounds of sass in a 1 pound sack. Proppa is as Proppa does.¡±


    Grabbing Smeed from Priss I place him on the stove and ask her to grab a large plate for me as well as tongs. The tongs part takes me explaining a few times before I settle for a large spoon. When she returns with everything I begin fishing out the pieces of sloth. What I¡¯m left with is a thickened liquid that is full of all the drippings and flavor from everything I had put in at first. Even that terrible cauldron of former meals played its part in the simmering goodness before me.


    Shaking that thought out of my head I grab some water and some of the corn flour I had seen earlier in the cabinet. Interrupting Mama¡¯s current sip from the corn shine jug, I splash some into the pot before returning it to Mama.


    Once back at Smeed, I begin moving the spoon around the bottom to once again gather every bit of flavor that has built up during the roasting process. Pouring the majority of the cup of water into the pan, I reserve some to make a slurry with the flour. I add the pasty slurry into the pot and immediately stir it into the pot making sure it doesn¡¯t clump up.


    It doesn¡¯t take long before it all becomes a thick rich gravy that has a bit of dribble fall from the corner of my mouth that I¡¯m forced to wipe away onto my tunic. Feeling self-conscious I look over to Priss only to see her with an almost glazed look in her eyes as she stared at the Yamato slices. She stood on her tipping toes wafting the smell from the vegetable into her deeply sniffing nose.


    Clearing my throat I look over at Priss with a smile. It takes her a few seconds to get out of her daze. Outloud I say, ¡°I think we¡¯re ready.¡± She mouths out ¡°We¡± and I nod in reply. The grin that spreads across her face is a smirk and mischievous for some reason.


    I realize why as she says out loud, ¡°Get yer asses ready for the grub people,¡± came out the youngest Proppa¡¯s mouth and we all did in fact get our asses ready for that grub.