《Tiramisu》


 Tiramisu

    The best meal of the day was the late-night snack. It was inarguable. Perhaps that¡¯s why I saw my daughter up at 3:32 AM balancing precariously on a bucket in a futile attempt to reach for the top cabinet.


    I snuck up behind her rather carefully, I didn¡¯t want to startle her and cause her to fall, after all. If I were a better person I¡¯d wrap my arms around her, pick her up, and go from there. I was not a better person.


    ¡°Boo,¡± I whispered in her ear.


    As she shrieked, she fell. My ears rang.


    ¡°I gotcha!¡± I caught her. Perhaps a bit late.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to wake up the entire neighbourhood with that horrible shrieking,¡± I stated, looking her over.


    ¡°You could have killed me!¡± She whisper-shouted, her arms doing a thing.


    ¡°A tad dramatic. I was right behind you. I¡¯d catch you. No, I did catch you,¡± I reasoned, nodding my head along with my words.


    ¡°And if you didn¡¯t?¡± She raised her eyebrow, so much like her mother.


    I looked her in the eye, ¡°I¡¯ll always catch you.¡±


    She looked away and mumbled something a bit too quiet to hear.


    ¡°What was that?¡± I questioned. She had so much sass. No clue where she got it from.


    ¡°Nothing,¡± she sighed.


    "Mhmm,¡± As I¡¯m a great dad, I decided to let it go.


    ¡°Now, what are you doing up at this time?¡±


    ¡°Eating,¡± she responded.


    ¡°Yes, I¡¯m sure that¡¯s why you were trying to break into my cabinet.¡± I drawled.


    ¡°I was not trying to break into your cabinet!¡± A rather indignant response.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    I raised an eyebrow.


    ¡°It wouldn¡¯t call it ¡°breaking in¡± per se,¡± she added.


    ¡°Convincing.¡± My voice was flat.


    ¡°What do you keep in there, anyways?¡± She did another hand thing, pointing at the cabinet somewhere in between the motion.


    I smirked, ¡°I already told you this before-¡± ¡°Nothing for you,¡± she mimicked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t sound like that.¡±


    Now she smirked, ¡°You so do.¡±


    I looked at her rather unimpressed.


    She didn¡¯t back down.


    I shook my head.


    ¡°Teenagers,¡± I sighed.


    ¡°What do you wanna eat?¡± I herded her to a seat.


    ¡°Dunno,¡± she responded.


    I nodded, expecting this, ¡°Did you sleep?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I did.¡± She was a terrible liar.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to have to start taking your phone at night, missy.¡± I threatened.


    She looked mortally terrified. Her face was funny.


    I checked the fridge, ¡°Do you want eggs?¡±


    ¡°No, they make my teeth feel icky.¡± Nobody in this house ate eggs.


    I sighed, ¡°How old are you?¡± I already knew the answer.


    ¡°Sixteen,¡± she answered curiously. She knew I knew.


    ¡°Don¡¯t tell your younger brother about this,¡± I said.


    ¡°About what?¡± She asked with a tilt of her head.


    ¡°What¡¯re you doing?¡± She said, her tone disgusted.


    ¡°What does it look like?¡± I was climbing onto the countertop.


    ¡°It looks stupid,¡± she emphasized stupid.


    ¡°Manners, young lady,¡± I reprimanded.


    Precariously I reached out towards the top cabinet. It was relatively unused and made a terrible creaking noise as it opened. Inside I found all sorts of confectionary and from them all my eyes were drawn to a half-eaten tiramisu. I withdraw the tiramisu.


    My daughter looked back at me confounded. Perhaps a bit of horror was mixed into the look as well. She made the stupidest face.


    ¡°Y-you...¡± she followed with an unintelligible string of half-curses and half-words, and perhaps a few noises that weren¡¯t either, that you¡¯d expect from someone outraged. I eased myself off the countertop during her failed tirade.


    ¡°Yes, I totally understand.¡± I did not.


    ¡°Why!?¡± Importantly, she did not shriek. Unfortunately, it was still loud.


    ¡°I¡¯m a single father. I get stressed sometimes,¡± I explained.


    ¡°Okay, then why did you hide it from all of us!? You told us it was off-limits to use the cabinet! Why are you telling me now!?¡± She was still clearly outraged.


    ¡°You,¡± I pointed at her, ¡°and your siblings,¡± I swirled my finger around, ¡°eat like horses.¡±


    She looked a bit indignant, yet I continued, ¡°Remember Auntie Eurl-, Auntie Senti¡¯s wedding? You remember how huge the wedding was, right?¡± I picked up a knife, ¡°Do you remember the cake? You better remember that damn cake, you kids ate half of it! Half! A wedding cake!¡± I swung the knife around as I spoke.


    ¡°We did not! We ate like...¡± she was thinking. It was not her strong suit, ¡°a quarter? Most of the cake went to the damned squirrels!¡±


    ¡°You fed squirrels cake!? You probably killed the poor things!¡±


    ¡°Huh, what? Really? We killed squirrels!?¡± She seemed ready to panic.


    ¡°Probably? I¡¯m not sure. Search it up.¡±


    She nods, ¡°Gimme a sec,¡± I cut the tiramisu in the meanwhile.


    ¡°Okay, so, cake probably wouldn¡¯t kill the squirrels, but those squirrels are obese.¡± I gave her a slice and sat down next to her with mine.


    ¡°You know, this reminds me of that one Reddit thing where they hate fat squirrels,¡± I said after I finished chewing.


    ¡°That¡¯s a thing?¡± She said while chewing. I taught her better than that.


    ¡°Eat first, talk later,¡± I menacingly tiramisu covered fork at her.


    Besides the usual noises made when eating sweet desserts, I heard the soft pitter-patter of someone walking up the stairs.


    ¡°What are you two doing? Is that cake? When did you buy cake!?¡± My daughter, clearly not having heard her brother walking up the stairs, jumped.


    ¡°We bought some because we were hungry.¡± My daughter was a very bad liar.


    ¡°Oh, okay, can I have some?¡± My son was very gullible.


    There was no tiramisu left in the morning. By the next week, the cabinet was emptied. I changed my confectionary collection''s location after that.